 He loved me, I know, and so did I ... My heart is heavy, I'm twenty, but I have no close [male] friend".In November 1944, Shanina wrote that she "is flogging into her head that [she] loves" a man named Nikolai, although he "doesn't shine in upbringing and education".In the same entry she wrote that she did not think about marriage because "it's not the time now".