"Be spontaneous!" Paradoxes
A vexing communication block occurs when one person requests or demands something from another that can only be given sponta-neously - like trust, love, interest, acceptance, appreciation, desire, and respect. If the second person tries to comply, the first person may then say - "You're just doing that because I asked you to, not because you really mean it." Examples: "You never say 'I love you'"; "You must honor my wishes!"; "You need to respect the sacrifices I make for you"; and "Why won't you initiate sex more often?"
The solution: (a) mutual knowledge of this concept and process awareness, and the second person (b) asserting something like "You're asking me to (want to) give you something that has to be spontaneous," and (c) both people digging down to identify the under-lying relationship needs that are causing this situation.] Lesson 2 is about learning to communicate effectively