During these Twelve Days of Christmas, you’ll see a number of e-mails about the alleged “meaning” behind the traditional carol “The Twelve Days of Christmas.” While this is my least favorite Christmas song (shades of 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall), there is compelling evidence that this was composed as an underground catechetical ditty. So the Four Calling Birds refer to the four gospels, the Six Geese a-Laying symbolize the six days of creation, and so on.
Of course there’s equally compelling evidence that this is complete baloney. See the supposed meanings and the debunking on Snopes.com.
Whatever you believe, I have actually done some exhaustive research (and by “exhaustive” I mean that I’m still completely exhausted from all the Christmas services), and have uncovered the “real” true meaning behind this carol.
The Twelve Days of Christmas
(the “Real” True Meaning)
A Partridge in a Pear Tree — the rector hiding in a tree from coffee hour complaints
Two Turtle Doves — the two parishioners comprising the parish Peace and Justice Committee
Three French Hens — the three French ladies who sit in the front row every year at Midnight Mass
Four Calling Birds — four members of the Commission on Ministry
Five Gold Rings — five bishops caucusing at the House of Bishops meeting
Six Geese a-Laying — six seminarians laying homiletical eggs in the pulpit
Seven Swans a-Swimming — seven baptisms at the Easter Vigil, stretching the liturgy to three hours
Eight Maids a-Milking — eight members of the hospitality committee bringing non-dairy creamer to coffee hour
Nine Ladies Dancing — the one and only time liturgical dance appeared at St. Swithin’s
Ten Lords a-Leaping — inserted into the new Christmas Pageant from the avant garde director
Eleven Pipers Piping — the eleven funeral last year that included a bag piper playing Amazing Grace at the end
Twelve Drummers Drumming — the “drumming circle” used at the ill-fated “contemporary worship service”