Teach your child the importance of good sportsmanship.Not too long ago, my 10-year-old daughter's indoor soccer team finished their game and lined up to do the traditional end-of-game walk with the other team. If your own child has ever played in a team sport, you likely have seen this walk a hundred times before. Win or lose, each member of the team is expected to essentially tell the other players they did well and good game. This is a classic way to end a game on a positive note and to exhibit good sportsmanship, win or lose.
The opposing team in this case, however, had a unique way of showing their good sportsmanship. They all licked their hands before holding them out for our own girls to "low-five" as they walked down the line. Our girls saw this, and they refused to touch the other girls' slimy, slobbery, germ-ridden hands. You may be wondering if our girls' team beat this other team. The truth is that they beat the other team pretty harshly, but there is no score that would justify the level of poor sportsmanship that the other team exhibited.
As a parent, I can only hope the parents or coach on the other team reprimanded their girls for this unsportsmanlike behavior. This is not the kind of behavior any parent would be proud to see in their own child. However, this is just one of many ways unsportsmanlike behavior is exhibited. From tears on the field to pushing, shoving, "trash talking" and more, there are many different behaviors that are associated with poor sportsmanship.
The fact is that good sportsmanship is a quality that can play a role in your child's ability to react to other situations throughout life. Competition may occur on the field, but it also plays a part in the college admission process, a run for a place on the school board, the job application process and so much more. Teaching your child how to be a good sport now can help him or her to handle wins and losses throughout life with grace. So how can you help your child build a healthy "win-or-lose" attitude?
A Positive Parental Role Model
No parent takes pride in seeing other players, either from their child's own team or on the opposing team, be better than their own child. Parents simply want their child to be the best. However, somewhere between the desire to see your kid to aim for the stars and the truth of reality is the fact that there always will be someone or some team that is better. As a parent, you can talk negatively about these better players or better teams, or you can talk positively about them. You can use these interactions with better competition to point out areas where your own child can improve and to teach your child to respect those with skills and talents that are worthy of respect. This is a great opportunity to teach your child to turn lemons into lemonade.
You Win Some, You Lose Some
Very few children really are the best at what they do. There is always someone who either is better now or who is working hard to be better in the near future. A team that was on top this season may not be the top team the next season. While you want your child to work hard and strive to win, it is unrealistic to expect a child or his or her team to win all of the time. Children will inevitably be disappointed after a loss. This is understandable and justified, especially if he or she has been working hard and did his or her personal best. As a parent, your response to a loss is every bit as important as your response to a win. The fact is that an entire team can play their best, and they may simply be out-matched. Teaching kids that losses do happen, even when they try their hardest, can help them to cope with their defeat. Show them that you are proud of their performance and effort at each game rather than letting the tally mark under the "W" column dictate this.
A Lesson Learned
The fact is that a child or a team simply will not improve very quickly when they are blowing out the competition on a regular basis. To be the best, you have to play the best. You have to be challenged by the best, and sometimes this means a loss will occur. Within each game, whether a win or loss, lies an opportunity for growth, development and improvement. After each game, regardless of the outcome, talk to your child about what he or she did well and what he or she thinks could have been done better. Rather than tell your child what you think, ask your child his or her personal opinion on the matter and what the coach said. Then, remind your child that these are areas that he or she can work on for the next game.
Nobody likes to lose, but challenge and loss are the motivators that make us all better. Whether on the field, in the workplace or any number of other environments, challenge and loss are vital to developing that ever-important trait that true winners in life have. That trait is perseverance.Content by Kim Daugherty .