first of all , fear was an inadequate word to express her feelings about norman during her first week or two at d amp ; s ; even terror did n't completely serve , because the core of her feelings concerning him were lapped about-and to some degree altered-by other emotions : shame at having failed in her marriage , homesickness for a few possessions she had cared deeply about ( pooh 's chair , for instance ) , a sensation of euphoric freedom which seemed to renew itself at some point each day , and a relief so cold it was somehow horrible ; the sort of relief a wire-walker might feel after tottering at the furthest edge of balance while crossing a deep canyon ... and then recovering .