if only , he thought ; if only he had been accepted as the etruscan he was , not the half-barbarous roman ogre that naughty children were warned about ; if only he had any prospect of getting his own wealth here , but however indulgent seianti and her husband were , their welcome for him would eventually run out , and everything he had was his mother 's , or his father 's , and was tied up in rome ; if only he was achieving anything here , if only he had a purpose here .