there was too much to think about with a new lover ; a new body , new emotions , new preferences , the hundred different ways a lover could sigh or groan or simply exhale ; the way bodies fitted or did n't fit , naturally curving into each other or crashing elbows and knees in a tangle of limbs and then the feeling , always , that he 'd revealed too much of himself , that he 'd surrendered completely while his partners had always left something of themselves unexposed .