in his head , as clear as crystal waters , he saw his hobbies pass before his eyes , saw himself sleeping on the hill with beth watching over him , saw zeph fleeing through the grasses and gariel hobbling through her hovel ( old and wrinkled and leaning on a cane ) , he saw serit crying in mist and saw himself skewered through the brainpan by a pair of long , calcareous lances ... none of this registered in his heart , absolutely none of it , no love , no pain , no momentary pang of loss or regret .