tessa said , and for just that moment her thoughts ghosted back to will , to the way he had put his hands in the fire to save jem 's drugs , and watching him , she could not help but remember that day in the drawing room when he had told her he loved her , and when he had left , she had closed her hand around a poker , that the burning pain of it against her skin might shut out , even for a moment , the pain in her heart .