i push myself further and further back into the wall but theres nowhere to go , i want to avert my eyes but i cant stop myself from looking upwards , im thinking of the pain and thinking of the monster and thinking that i cant really go through it again as a wayward ray of sunlight catches my face and throws him into relief and i can see him , see the still red eyes of this man , this man who started out as some kind of joke and is now my capturer and my torturer , i see his eyes bore into me , drill into me and im waiting for it to be over .