i give myself a minute to calm down , to allow my breathing to return to normal , to allow my eyes to focus , to allow my hands to stop shaking and then i concentrate on the computer , try to picture whats on the screen , what hes left , and it takes me a little while to process but i realise , joyfully , that hes left himself logged in , and i focus , concentrate , start typing , furiously , as if my life depends on it , which it probably does .