let me get to it , let me check it out , with any luck and i think of only that as i force myself up , pain screaming through my body , but i cant give in to it , just got to get up , get to the console and keep standing , just got to move , got to ignore the images that rage and crash through my brain , as i need to get there , one leg is up , is on the floor , christ , its like hot coals , its like needles shoved into my muscles and twisted , my other leg is there , the room is swaying as i try to keep my balance , its like a wolf ripping its fangs into my flesh and tearing , then tearing again , and a step forward , my vision goes red as i shut my eyes to deal with the pain and i crash , crash , and now , im there , open my eyes , but no im not there , im still in the middle of the room , outcast , in a sea , everything around me , theres nothing there , and i stumble and almost fall , its like the alligators almost get me , but i manage to stay up and move myself forward , so slowly , with so much effort and now im there , im there and im holding onto the desk and i feel for the first time a huge sense of relief sweep through my body .