<script>
  <scene>
    <scene_description>FOUR LIONS by Christopher Morris Jesse Armstrong Sam Bain additional writing by Simon Blackwell</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. OMAR'S SECRET FLAT(BOMB FACTORY)- LIVING ROOM. NIGHT \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Video image. WAJ is 20, a British Pakistani, built like a fridge. He wears camos, a black headscarf & behind him a rug is pinned to the wall.</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah?</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>No, sit properly like you're gonna mean it - like you mean it. No, Waj, don't muck about cos the battery's gonna go. Sit...</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Who's mucking about? but I'm not mucking about.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Well you can't sit like that.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Above shot lasts about a second then we see Omar and Barry are looking at this on the monitor screen of the camera. Barry is filming.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>What's wrong with how he's sitting Barry?</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Come and have a look, it's wrong.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>There's nothing wrong with it.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>WAJ gets up to see what he looks like in the camera.</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Not you. No. Right what you looking at?</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>There's nothing there.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>No there's nothing there. Now, go and sit down. You can't see yourself now can you.</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>I thought you were recording it!</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Now sit, sit. Fessal go away.</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>I'm ready, i'm ready.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Alright, Waj just relax your face. Now focus on what you're going to say</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>We've got to go before the battery goes.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>One, two, three, action.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Video image.… WAJ. He is a proud mujahid - holding his gun. An AK47. Half size. Plastic. Toy. He stares at the lens, pumps himself a face, holds it, looks off...</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Ayup you unbelieving kuffar bastards - I'm gonna turn ya baked beanz! - what?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>He has been put off by something Barry is doing.</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>What's with the gun?</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Hey it's proper replica man.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>What for - action man?</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Replica AK47.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>It's too small, man.</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>It's not too small brother. That's just me hands. Big hands, brother. (looks to Omar)</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Shut up, Barry. Try it without our kid and let's go.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>It's too small, believe me.</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>(beat) I'll bigger it. I'll hold it nearer the camera that'll bigger it.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Waj proffers the feeble unit & his hand enlarges with the lens.</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Ayup you unbelieving kuffar bastards.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>No,no, this is stupid, this is absolutely stupid....</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. OMAR & SOPHIA'S HOUSE. DAY. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>PULL BACK TO REVEAL THAT OMAR AND SOPHIA ARE WATCHING THE VIDEO ON THEIR TELLY - WITH THE VIDEO CAMERA PLUGGED IN. OMAR IS GLANCING AT SOPHIA AS THEY WATCH, LOOKING A BIT WORRIED - IS THIS OK? IT'S NOT OK ... HE'S EMBARRASSED.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>These are the outtakes - the bloopers</dialogue>
    <scene_description>SHE STROKES HIS HAIR AFFECTIONATELY AS HE ZOOMS THROUGH THE TAPE.</scene_description>
    <character>SOPHIA</character>
    <dialogue>He looks good (indicating Omar on sceren).</dialogue>
    <scene_description>WE SEE OMAR ON SCREEN NOW - WAJ NEXT TO HIM. THE VID RUNS FOR A WHILE - OMAR COHERENT - PASSIONATE.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Today is a wake up call. Today is an opportunity for you to look in the mirror at your western...</dialogue>
    <scene_description>OMAR CLOCKS SOFIA WHO THINKS THIS IS MORE LIKE IT</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>imperialist culture, superficial materialism ends at the capitalist church of McDonald's.</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Flippin idiots</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Omar watching the video winces</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>It's as though you've just had a big mac, completely oblivious to the amount...</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Complete flippin idiots. You could have gone Chicken Cottage, proper halal, bargain bucket 6.99!</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>What you talking about?</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Talking about Chicken Cottage...</dialogue>
    <scene_description>OMAR CAN'T HIDE THIS NONSENSE FROM SOFIA - WHO IS LOOKING LIKE SHE WANTS TO SUPPORT THE PROJECT BUT CAN'T FIND A FOOTHOLD</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Dah! There's another one where he doesn't say that.</dialogue>
    <character>MAHMOOD</character>
    <parenthetical>(OMAR'S 8 YEAR OLD SON)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Your bit's good Dad.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>OMAR IS CONFLICTED - FRUSTRATED - NODS DISCONSOLATELY AT SCREEN. NOW THERE'S A VIDEO OF FESSAL WITH A BOX ON HIS HEAD.</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Take the box off.</dialogue>
    <character>FESSAL</character>
    <dialogue>I cant show my face because it's an image. An image is a haram.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>OMAR LOOKS AT FESSAL WITH HIS HEAD IN THE BOX AND BACK TO SOFIA</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR.</character>
    <dialogue>You know what, they're all bloopers. What am I going to do if he does that at the camp? (turns to Mahmood) Mahmood, do you think Uncle Fessal's ready to go to Pakistan?</dialogue>
    <character>MAHMOOD</character>
    <dialogue>No way.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. SECURITY CONTROL ROOM. NIGHT. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>We see OMAR and MATT are in front of the bank of TV screens. Security men, staring at the boring footage, looking bored. Omar is deep in thought - can't believe how boring this all is.</scene_description>
    <character>MATT</character>
    <parenthetical>(after a long beat)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>I ran 23k on the weekend. 6k Saturday morning. Had a light lunch.</dialogue>
    <character>MATT</character>
    <dialogue>Snack a jacks and a medium apple. 5k in the afternoon. 'Cos obviously it was after lunch, so. Then same again on Sunday. Although in the afternoon I only did 4k cos I'd had a roast. I would have gone further y'know but I started to run a bit lopsided. Yeah, I'm not slagging my right leg off, but my left leg's definitely stronger.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Matt stretches the other leg. Omar is bored shitless - looking at his laptop, occasionally registering fake signs of listening. Suddenly something on the screen takes his attention. In an email window - a message from Uncle P - reads simply "wedding list full - last chance!!"</scene_description>
    <character>MATT</character>
    <dialogue>I think lefty just wants it more. Righty's bone idle, he just waits there let's lefty to pick up the slack - then before you know it you're running in curves - I'm going to have to put my foot down you know, really show him who's boss, you know what I mean? You can talk to your legs you know.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <parenthetical>(makes a decision)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>I need tomorrow off.</dialogue>
    <character>MATT</character>
    <dialogue>What?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>I need tomorrow off and the two weeks after that.</dialogue>
    <character>MATT</character>
    <dialogue>Jesus. I thought you were serious about this job Omar?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>I've got to go to a wedding in Pakistan.</dialogue>
    <character>MATT</character>
    <dialogue>You've got to ask yourself where you'll be in five years time?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>It's an emergency.</dialogue>
    <character>MATT</character>
    <dialogue>What an emergency wedding? Like, a shotgun wedding?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Like a shotgun wedding, yeah.</dialogue>
    <character>MATT</character>
    <dialogue>Well, I'll have a look at the rota.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>4 OMAR'S SECRET FLAT (BOMB FACTORY)- LIVING ROOM.DAY \*\*</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY IS SITTING IN THE JIHADI</character>
    <dialogue>CAMERA. THE FIRST FEW BEATS OF SLOW ZOOMING ESTABLISHING SHOT CENTRE VIA THE MOTORWAY TO THE</dialogue>
    <character>POSITION - WAJ IS ON THE</character>
    <dialogue>DIALOGUE WILL RUN OVER A THAT LINKS THE SHOPPING BOMB FACTORY WINDOW.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>The Feds can track your phone even if the battery's out. Really. They can see you underground right...</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Can they see you if you're not there?</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Where's there?</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>I don't know.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>They can see you everywhere, Waj.</dialogue>
    <character>FESSAL</character>
    <dialogue>Are they looking at us through cameras?</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Space cameras, yes</dialogue>
    <character>FESSAL</character>
    <dialogue>But me dad says I'm not supposed to be on camera - it's haram</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>With the greatest of respect Fessal your dad eats newspaper</dialogue>
    <character>FESSAL</character>
    <dialogue>Not any more. He eats moths.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Exactly bro - look the way to stop the Feds tracking you is very simple - you eat your simcard. Get your simcards out. Remove your simcard and...</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Can I cook mine?</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>No you must eat it raw. Like this</dialogue>
    <scene_description>BARRY GOBS HIS SIMCARD & CHEWS. OMAR BLAMS IN THE DOOR</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Salam lads</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Salams</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>We're eating our simcards</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Anti surveillance</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>(joking) You know they still work inside you Barry - they can still track them inside you - that's not going to be very helpful in Pakistan.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>What?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Pakistan. I answered the call bro.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>What call?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Training camp. We're upgrading. We're going.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Why d'you get the call? Why didn't I get the call?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Cos you dont have an Uncle in Pakistan Barry, last time I checked. You've got an uncle in Folkestone. Are there any training camps in Folkestone?</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Why do we need training camp anyway? We're primed! We don't need some tramp up a mountain telling us to set a fuse. We don't need some paki Steptoe telling us when to go!</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>You're right Barry. We can go off any time we want.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Exactly, whenever we want, bro.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah, if you want to be some sad loner trenchcoat mafia twazzock.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>What do you mean?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>What I mean is - you can either be some stupid nutter Muslim who blows a bag full of nails into his own guts in the toilets at TGI's or you can be a proper soldier in the Mujahideen?</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>I'm already in the mujahideen.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>No you're not bro. Not until you join the army and hold the sword. Touch the sky.</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>(Barry looks interested)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Proper chain of command right to the very top.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>He points up as if to indicate Allah. Barry thinking hard.</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Alright. I'm coming.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Oh you want paki Steptoe now do you?</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Listen I am the most Al Qaeda one here.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Think of the group, Barry, think of what we're trying to do, right. It's best you stay here, Barry. You're a liability and you're a loose cannon.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Bollocks I'm a liability. I am the invisible jihadi.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>They seek him here, they seek him there, but he's not there cos he's blowing up your slag sister!</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Invisible? Like the time you got on the local news for baking a twin towers cake and leaving it in the synagogue on 9/11.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>That was part of the plan - hide in plain sight you mug. And I am coming.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. BARRY'S CAR / ROAD TO AIRPORT. DAY. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>CUT TO:</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. BARRY'S CAR/ EXT. ROAD TO AIRPORT. DAY. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Omar is next to Barry. Waj is in the back with Fessal. Beady eyes. Barry is driving Omar and Waj to the airport. Suddenly he outbursts.</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>You realize if I don't come with you to Pakistan bro Islam is finished!</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <parenthetical>(soothes)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Listen bro, we need you over here to keep a lid on things.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Sure, so what if I'm not here coz I bought a ticket at the airport and I come with you anyways?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Very pleased with this, tetchy Barry depockets his passport. Omar is taken aback.</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>You wanna come Fess?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Fessal is unexpectedly on the spot</scene_description>
    <character>FESSAL</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah it's just me dads seeing creatures that's not there. (this is seriously alarming to Fessal)</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <parenthetical>(to omar re Fessal)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>So he'll keep it ticking over here bro.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>(right) Barry right it you can answer this question you can come.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Barry nods assent.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>(in Urdu) How's your Urdu you mouse's minge?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Waj and Fessal laugh. Barry knows he is stumped.</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Don't fuck with me man. Don't fuck with Azzam al Britani! (himself)</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Fury rising - Barry slams on the brakes - recklessly - skidding. - pulls in to layby.</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>If I'm not going no one is!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>A beat. Omar looks at the ignition key. Barry whips it out and shoves it in his gob. Waj grabs Barry's neck, claws his nose from behind him, & starts reaching into Barry's mouth. Barry, making stupid gutteral noises, swallows the key.</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Its gone down his neck.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <parenthetical>(new plan - to Waj )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Right frog him. Frog him in the back bro!</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <parenthetical>(protesting)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>No, no frogging, we agreed no frogging, you said no frogging.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. LAYBY / INT. BARRY'S CAR. DAY - CONTINUOUS \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Super quick Waj piles out the car. Barry resists until Waj sticks his thumb in his mouth, and walks Barry to the boot of the car. Omar starts to hotwire the car. Barry complies with the frogging physically but protests.</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>What if you get caught? - I'm not going down just coz you can't take a drill in the knee-cap. They'll crack you like baby's fingers! They'll pump you full of Viagra and make you fuck a dog.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Waj opens the boot. Barry leaning in to Waj as he ties Barry up.</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Stay still brother Barry.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>You'll end up on you tube - blowing Lassie in a ditch.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Waj flips Barry into the car and slams the boot - Omar wire- starts the car - Waj clambers back into the back of the car - Omar to drive. CUT TO:</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. BARRY'S CAR. DAY - CONTINUOUS \*\*</stage_direction>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Are they gonna make me fuck a dog out there brother Omar?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>(to Waj) Bro. My uncle's connected. Only time we'll see cops is for weapons upgrade!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Waj is relieved. Suddenly Barry's head bursts thru the armrest panel in the back seat</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Alright Omar, I'm letting you go to Pakistan. My unit stays here. But my unit's the main unit.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Barry - shut up mate - because I tell you, your little brain cell might go off now and again but if your hands even go to move - if you start setting up the Islamic state of Tinsley again - going to university lectures opening your big mouth - buying some more silver nitrate from Amazon - I'm going to rip your plugs out.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY.</character>
    <dialogue>Not if you're not here you won't.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>With emphatic punctuation Waj slams Barry back into the boot and shuts the armrest on him.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. AIRPORT DAY. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Plane taking off to Pakistan.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. RAWALPINDI STREET/ EXT. TUK TUK. PAKISTAN. - NIGHT \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>High view of crowded Pakistani city. Tracking front view of Tuk Tuk drives through the crowded streets of a Pakistani city. New sounds.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. TUK TUK/ EXT. RAWALPINDI STREET. PAKISTAN - NIGHT. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Waj and Omar with Uncle X are rammed in a row of three - facing out through the back. Waj is scoffing a samosa. Uncle eyes them judgmentally. Waj is worried.</scene_description>
    <character>UNCLE X</character>
    <parenthetical>(in Punjabi about Waj)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Is he as stupid as he looks?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>(checks Waj, Punjabi) No uncle.</dialogue>
    <character>UNCLE X</character>
    <dialogue>(Punjabi) So what in a prostitute's howling trap is this?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>He pulls out Waj's prayer reciting teddy bear.</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Me prayer bear! He does me prayers.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Uncle considers for a moment then shouts through to the driver.</scene_description>
    <character>UNCLE X</character>
    <dialogue>(Punjabi) Stop!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The Tuk Tuk screeches to a sudden halt outside a shop.</scene_description>
    <character>CUT TO:</character>
    <dialogue>12 INT. SHOP RAWALPINDI. PAKISTAN.NIGHT. \*\*</dialogue>
    <scene_description>In a back room full of junk & stores & caged chickens - Uncle rifles through Omar and Waj's bags. Chucking contents about with contempt - Astronaut food, Sports Nutriment, trainers, socks, bits of low level camping kit.</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>What the fuck's he going to do with those rabbits bro.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>They're not rabbits bro, they're chickens.</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>They're rabbits.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Bro, if they're rabbits, where are their ears?</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>That's what I'm saying.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Uncle X brandishes an Islam for kids learning book from out of the rucksack.</scene_description>
    <character>UNCLE X</character>
    <dialogue>(Punjabi) Would you kill him?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>What?</dialogue>
    <character>UNCLE X</character>
    <dialogue>(Punjabi) He's an idiot - would you kill him?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Omar is gobsmacked.</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>What's he saying?</dialogue>
    <character>UNCLE X</character>
    <dialogue>(sudden English) I'm asking would he kill you?!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The boys stare at each other - specially Waj.</scene_description>
    <character>UNCLE X</character>
    <dialogue>Pack up. If you make me trouble (Punjabi) I'll stitch your gobs to the fucking shit pipe.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>He goes to leave.</scene_description>
    <character>UNCLE X</character>
    <dialogue>Salam aleykum.</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ/OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Wa-likumasalaam.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Uncle X leaves. Omar exhales in relief.</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>(beat) Would you kill me then?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>They start to reload their bags.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>(protects him) No - course not.</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>(relief causing joke) I'd kill you bro.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Beat.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>(half amused) Would you?</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <parenthetical>(what he really thinks)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Right good coz I would kill you bro. Bro, seriously I'd kill you, course I would! - I'd kill you like that (clicks fingers)</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Flippin heck man would ya?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah course.</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Right, I sort of thought I were jokin' a bit there bro.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>We're soldiers bro - whatever's asked - you do it - you do the right thing. Right, you with me? It's life innit, it's just life. What is that? Its nothing. It's like being stuck in the queue at Alton Towers. Do you want be in the queues or do you want to be on the rides. You want to be on the rides dont you? You want to be on Nemesis or Oblivion.</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <parenthetical>(getting it, remembering)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Rubber Dingy Rapids.</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah, rubber dingy rapids! - OK I would kill ya brother Omar! I'd smash your head off with a thing.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Do you know what I'd do Waj. I'd grab one of these hooks and I'd dig it in your belly, I'd rip your guts out and spill them all out like Mortal Combat.</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>I'd take this right and I'd fucking run you over with a tractor.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah? Soldiers brother. Mujahid.</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Ha ha! Soldiers man! Mujahid!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Exhilarated, they high five and embrace.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Come on</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah come on, do you want some rabbit, you fucked up rabbit with no ears.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Waj, they're chickens.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. CAR / ROUGH ROAD. PAKISTAN. JUST BEFORE DAWN. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Car 4x4 side/headlights speeds through barren landscape. Omar awake and Waj asleep on him as the car rumbles along. Car bounces through scrub near encampment - stops. The driver opens the door & hauls Omar & Waj out and goes round to the back of the car. Their bags arrive rudely through the air - driver jumps back into car and leaves them there. Alone in a big space. From 50 metres away - a voice</scene_description>
    <character>KHALID</character>
    <dialogue>(Arabic) Hurry up - morning prayers (English) You are late.</dialogue>
    <character>CUT TO:</character>
    <dialogue>14 EXT. TRAINING ENCAMPMENT. PAKISTAN. DAWN. \*\*</dialogue>
    <scene_description>They hurry over to the encampment - some camo'd tents - a shed and a vehicle - where a bunch of mujahadeen trainees are assembling for prayer.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. TRAINING ENCAMPMENT PRAYER AREA. PAKISTAN. DAY. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Waj is unrolling his prayer mat - but the guy next to him has a big problem with it</scene_description>
    <character>PAKISTANI MUJ</character>
    <dialogue>(furious punjabi) Turn around, Mecca is over there.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Waj is puzzled - his prayer mat is facing the rising sun. This guy is forcing him to spin 180 degrees in the opposite direction.</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Fuck off bro, east is that way.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Omar alerted from his prayer preparations.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Waj we've flown over Mecca now. We've gone past Mecca?</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <parenthetical>(explaining as if to a child)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Mecca's in the east yeah? (enunciates slowly) where the (points, mimes a sphere) sun - the sun yeah? Where it rises you behn choad paki prong</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Khalid is cross & suddenly there. Waj looks massively massively puzzled. Khalid is not impressed. The moment is broken by a noise from the sky. Khalid reacts suddenly - calls the trainees in to the shelter of the camo nets around the hut.</scene_description>
    <character>KHALID</character>
    <dialogue>(arabic) Drone take cover. American Drone - quick!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>As they duck under the nets - Omar spots the AT4 in the back of the motorbike wheelbarrow and starts to pick it up. Khalid knows this won't work.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Hey brother, I'll take it out</dialogue>
    <character>KHALID</character>
    <dialogue>(Arabic) too high! (English) too high!</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>That's what I was thinking. What is that? Two thousand feet?</dialogue>
    <character>KHALID</character>
    <dialogue>(in disbelief) What?</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. NORTHERN RED BRICK UNIVERSITY - EVENING \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Establishing shot.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. UNIVERSITY LECTURE THEATRE - EVENING \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>A well-attended University Islamic Society debate is under way in a lecture theatre, a mixed White/Asian audience. A banner behind the stage reads "Islam - moderation and progress" with a smaller subtitle "Hallbeck College ISOC Debate". Barry is on the panel along with religious-looking older Muslim imam, a suited male White MP, a journalist white woman. Chairwoman is Asian, in a headscarf but very westernized.</scene_description>
    <character>MACOLM STORGE MP</character>
    <dialogue>...in depth knowledge of Islam but what I do know is that most British Muslims they don't want to be out abroad fighting British foreign policy what they want to do is get on peacefully with their daily lives and we support them...</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah "A good Muslim always keeps his mouth shut"-yeah- And you're surprised kids are going off to training camps?</dialogue>
    <character>MALCOLM STORGE MP</character>
    <dialogue>That is not what I'm saying...</dialogue>
    <character>CHAIRWOMAN</character>
    <dialogue>(turning to Barry) So why are kids going off to training camps?</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Right well first off, I object to the term 'training camps'.</dialogue>
    <character>CHAIRWOMAN</character>
    <dialogue>You just used it.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>(disbelief) No I did not - It's a Western fantasy - you people think of Muslims running around the mountains with guns and bombs. Yeah, that'd suit you down to the ground, wouldn't it!</dialogue>
    <character>CHAIR</character>
    <dialogue>But - they do exist don't they?...</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>I'm not saying they don't exist. What I'm saying is - if you'll listen - is that if they didn't exist, you people would have to invent them.</dialogue>
    <character>MALCOLM STORGE MP</character>
    <dialogue>That's absolute rubbish.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Suddenly a young Asian man is on his feet and shouting. HASSAN. 20. British Pakistani, ex public school. He's a wannabe. In a puffer jacket.</scene_description>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>(applauding Barry) Yeah! Yeah! Man. This whole debate is twisted, man.</dialogue>
    <character>CHAIR</character>
    <dialogue>We'll take questions later please-</dialogue>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>Nah, nah, nah, man, you think we're all bombers don't you?!</dialogue>
    <character>MALCOLM STORGE MP</character>
    <dialogue>That is absolutely not the case.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The panel stare at him - on the verge of saying no</scene_description>
    <character>HASSAN CONT</character>
    <dialogue>Nah, nah, nah, when you look at someone like me, you think 'bomber,' right?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>There's a rising sense of tension.</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah you do.</dialogue>
    <character>MALCOLM STORGE MP</character>
    <dialogue>That is not the case.</dialogue>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>So why shouldn't I be a bomber, if you treat me like one?</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Mashallah brother</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Hassan opens his coat to reveal a bomb belt. There's a beat of stillness and uncertainty - people lean away from him, but it all feels unreal.</scene_description>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah mashallah?</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>(starts rapping)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Yeah, I'm da mujahideen, an I'm makin a scene, now you'z gonna feel what the boom boom mean, its like Tupak said when I die I'm not dead, we are the martyrs, you're just smashed tomataz - Allahu akbar!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>He pulls his cord - his bombs are party poppers. There's confusion - a few shrieks - people not sure what's happened. Hassan reveling in his big point. Barry is the first to fill the stunned gap.</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Mashallah, brother.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Hassan is being dragged off by University Security, as he berates the audience.</scene_description>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>Oh what man come on? What, just coz I'm Muslim you thought this was real?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Barry turns to another panelist:</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Police state. Police state. This is oppression! He's being rendered. He's being rendered.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. NORTHERN UNIVERSITY/EXT. BARRY'S CAR - LATER. DAY. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Hassan leaves the building. He trips down the steps pleased with himself, Barry is there waiting for him by his car.</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Hey bro, bro, down here. Need a lift?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Hassan checks him, recognizes him from the panel. His eyes widen, he looks delighted.</scene_description>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah man wait, yeah.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT BARRY'S CAR/EXT. NORTHERN RED BRICK UNIVERSITY. LATER. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Hassan is now sat in the car with Barry. (Static.)</scene_description>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>Oh man, you're a ledge, you're a ledge bro</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>You're not so bad yourself brother - wass your name?</dialogue>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>Hassan Malik - the Mal.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>The Mal. Nice little stunt back there. (sudden change) But you know what, you're a total piece of shit mate. You're worse than the specially trained rapists they use in Guantanamo.</dialogue>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>You what?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Barry is suddenly angry. Hassan looks alarmed.</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah you're not ignorant like them. You know you should be doing something.</dialogue>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>But I am doing something.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Oh, what that?!</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>(impersonates Hassan)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>"i'm the mujahideen thingy thing rap rap"? Huh?</dialogue>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>It was jihad of the mind - the gesture that messed yer ….</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Was the prophet Sal Allaahu Alayhi wa Sallam about gestures?! Did he smash the pagan statues? Or did he just stand there making a gesture? Is this a gesture?!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>He lets the car into gear and drives idiotically into the wall. Looks at Hassan, nodding.</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>That was for real brother.</dialogue>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>Yup.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Hassan looks to the door, Barry locks the car doors from the inside.</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Are you for real as that?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Hassan stares back - 90% speechless. Nodding. Wide-eyed.</scene_description>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>Yup.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>How often d'you go to mosque?</dialogue>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>(very back foot) Er - when I can - most weeks -</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>(interrupts) Once a year is too often! The Mosques have lost it brother- they're full of losers and spies.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Hassan is boggling.</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>These are real bad times bruv - Islam is cracking up - we got women talking back - we got people playing stringed instruments- Thomas the tank engine - it's the end of days. Do you wanna be for real?</dialogue>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>(quite small now) Yeah of course.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Are you sure?</dialogue>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>A hundred per cent.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <parenthetical>(pounces on Hass & clasps him in a hug, saying quietly )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Come here. Fuck you Omar!</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. TRAINING ENCAMPMENT. PAKISTAN. DAY. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Waj is holding his gun and talking to a phone he has propped up using a pile of rocks as his tripod.</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <parenthetical>(to camera in presenter mode)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Big enough for you now Barry?</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>(he fires a burst)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Am I blowing a dog in a ditch - or am I paki Rambo.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>He fires the gun in the air & laughs. Khalid running out of the shed - past a parked donkey.</scene_description>
    <character>KHALID</character>
    <dialogue>Stop! stop! (arabic) you stupid donkey's shitbox.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Omar arrives running, from another direction.</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Getting me pictures - mujahid style!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Khalid grabs the gun. Grabs the phone. Jabs Waj with the gun.</scene_description>
    <character>KHALID</character>
    <dialogue>(arabic) You making signals like you're (english) James fuck Bond?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>No! ... no he's not! (to Waj) How did you-?</dialogue>
    <character>KHALID</character>
    <parenthetical>(furious arabic- hurting waj)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>These make signals & drones see them and attack us you piece of camel sphincter!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Khalid rips the phone to bits and stamps on it. Then carries on whacking Waj.</scene_description>
    <character>KHALID</character>
    <dialogue>(arabic) Tomorrow, when we crossing valley to meet sheikh - you no! Stay here & clean guns.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Massive shocked beat. Waj and Omar stricken - outbursts despite himself.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>No, no, no listen! - We need an al Qaeda emir.</dialogue>
    <character>KHALID</character>
    <parenthetical>(turns on Omar arabic)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Shut your bawling English face.</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>(bravely, pained) It were my fault bro, let Omar go.</dialogue>
    <character>KHALID</character>
    <dialogue>(english) Both stay! Both - off the jihad - (arabic) After tomorrow you go back to fucking England - you English donkey - & you - (english) fucking Mr Beanz.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>But we haven't got an emir yet.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>He turns & strides off. Omar - furious and helpless - Waj broken.</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>I were just getting me pictures bro.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Waj, go away right now.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>CUT TO:</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. FESSAL'S LOCK UP GARAGE - BELOW HIS FLAT. DAY. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Wide shot. Barry, Hassan and Fessal. Approach one garage in a backstreet of 14. Fessal is fiddling with lock.</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Woah, woah, woah (checks for surveillance) follow me man.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Fessal opens up the garage door. About 2 feet. They all have to crawl in. The others keeping watch. The last - Fessal - having to check for himself. They enter. Hassan filming on his phone. The floor is covered with bottles of bleach & screw top wine bottles - also containing bleach. Fessal talking to Hassan past cam.</scene_description>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>Woah, liquid peroxide.</dialogue>
    <character>FESSAL</character>
    <dialogue>Three years of stockpiling.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Where did you get it all?</dialogue>
    <character>FES</character>
    <dialogue>A wholesale shop down the road.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>What? All from the same shop?</dialogue>
    <character>FESSAL</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>You mug. You'll get us nicked.</dialogue>
    <character>FESSAL</character>
    <dialogue>No - I use different voices every time I go in.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Different what?</dialogue>
    <character>FESSAL</character>
    <dialogue>Different voices.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Different voices? Show me.</dialogue>
    <character>FESSAL</character>
    <dialogue>What?</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Show me the voices. Come on.</dialogue>
    <character>FESSAL</character>
    <dialogue>Well one of them's, my voice "can I have twelve bottles of bleach please"</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah I know what that sounds like. Give me another one.</dialogue>
    <character>FESSAL</character>
    <dialogue>IRA voice.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>IRA voice? They're terrorists Fessal. What you wanna do a terrorist voice for? You'll get us nicked.</dialogue>
    <character>FESSAL</character>
    <dialogue>I'll be in disguise though won't I?</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah, but, as a terrorist. Let's hear the voice.</dialogue>
    <character>FESSAL</character>
    <dialogue>(no change to the voice) "Can I have twelve bottles of bleach please".</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Barry's face is a clean slab of disbelief. And then I got one like this as well(again no change)"Can I have twelve bottles of bleach please"</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>What's that?</dialogue>
    <character>FESSAL</character>
    <parenthetical>(to Hassan and Barry)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>It's a woman's voice. Cos I got loads of liquid peroxide. Probably thought she'd go in there and..</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>And what?</dialogue>
    <character>FESSAL</character>
    <dialogue>Dye her hair or something.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>And her beard?</dialogue>
    <character>FESSAL</character>
    <dialogue>What?</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>You've got a beard</dialogue>
    <character>FESSAL</character>
    <dialogue>I covered it.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>You covered your beard yeah. How?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Fessal covers his beard, badly, with his hands.</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Right. So you went into a shop with your hands on your face like that and asked for twelve bottles of bleach? So why has she got her hands on her face, Fess?</dialogue>
    <character>FESSAL</character>
    <dialogue>Cos she's got a beard.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Hassan can't believe this - eye checks with Barry who nods solemnly - oh yes.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. TRAINING ENCAMPMENT. PAKISTAN. DAY. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Guns in the back of the motorbike wheelbarrow, including an AT4 missile launcher in box. Rag cleaning bits of gun. On the ground beside the battered vehicle & shed & tents. Parked goat is impassive. Waj is distressed. Waj and Omar have been left behind.</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>I'm sorry brother Omar. Maybe it were Gods will.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Omar carries on cleaning guns.</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>(beat) Maybe it were God's will I were doing me video so maybe it's not my fault.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>(stops, turns) No. It is your fault. It was God's will that you were acting like a complete prat, apparently. But it was deffo your fault.</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>So if that were God's will then am I God's fault? Maybe I am God's mistake. Does that mean I'm going to go to hell brother? Do mistake's go to hell? (starts wittering)</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Omar doesn't know what to say - goes back to cleaning the guns - but is distracted by a distant buzz. Both hear it. They stare at each other a beat. Omar scans the sky - finds something low on the horizon.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Ssh. That's a drone!</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Hide!</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>It's flying low. Its going to attack!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Waj stares at it - fearful. Looking over his shoulder - we see it in the distance, approaching, zoom in to it. Shit!</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Lets go! Let's go.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Where we gonna go Waj? - We gotta take it out!</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Take it out with what? We ain't got no bullets.</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>It's my mistake bro. It's my mistake.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>No, no no. Waj now think about it. This is God's plan. He's put us here to defend the camp didn't he? This is our jihad. Now think about it.</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>It's still my mistake.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Nah, no no that's the devil in your brain giving it the wasawasa Dont listen to him. God is in your heart bro. What's your heart say bro? Trust me. Come on.</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>It says er</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>(looks at the missile - Omar's speech sinks in)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>maybe we should er(pause) maybe we should flippin pop it brother. Get back on the jihad! (nervously clocking the approaching drone) Yeah yeah. What we going to use?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>This bro.</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Fucking yes!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>He's into the back of the vehicle opening a box with US markings on it. He reveals an AT-4 launcher & Spigot missile. Omar is manhandling the missile launcher out of the back.</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Proper mujahideen. Rubber dinghy rapids yeah brother. Flippin pop it brother, flippin pop it.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Waj withdraws. Cam is with Waj looking at Omar.Omar hits the button. A missile shoots out - but it shoots out of the back of the launcher and off across the valley. Omar was bracing himself the wrong way so he falls forward flat on his face. the launcher cricket-stumps out of his grasp. Waj looks at the disappearing missile & back to Omar.</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Brother Omar! It came out the wrong end.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Omar looks up from the dust.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>(horror) The Arabs! That's where the emir is.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The missile is streaking towards the sheikh's camp across the valley where smoke from the chimney indicates they have a fire in the grate. 3 dreadful seconds. The missile hits.</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>27 Oh flippin shit. Is this God's</dialogue>
    <scene_description>will bro, tell me it is? Tell me it's God's will bro. The drone flies harmlessly past and away from both camps. Then all hell breaks loose at the Arab farm. gunfire and a couple of rockets - zooming across the valley. Omar and Waj - in a total funk legging it away from the farm towards the road. Ordnance throwing up pillars of soil behind them. Both shouting, screaming… crying.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. FESSAL'S HOUSE ESTABLISHER. DAY. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Barry, Hassan and Fessal arrive outside in Barry's car. A woman and baby passes by on the pavement.</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>(to woman and baby) Morning officer. You've been rumbled.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>They go inside the house.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. FESSAL'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM. DAY. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>In the dingy mess of Fessal's small house, Hassan still filming. Things moving very fast for him.</scene_description>
    <character>FESSAL</character>
    <dialogue>So what my plan is right?… Put a bomb on a crow - fly it into one of them towers full of Jews and slags… I keep crows in the shed. Have a look.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Hassan is amazed.</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>We're way beyond crows now Fessal. We are really going to blow the lid off.</dialogue>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah I'm all about blowing the lid off man. Blow my lid off.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>(beat) Bomb the mosque!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Fessal. Hassan shocked.</scene_description>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>What?</dialogue>
    <character>FESSAL</character>
    <dialogue>The Maschid?</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah, the maschid, the mosque. But we go in dressed like kuffar. They think its the unbelievers attacking. So all the Muslims rise up and fight back! Stoke things up proper big-time. Fast- track the final days. Total war!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Hands Fessal his tea with no extra comment.</scene_description>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>That is sick!</dialogue>
    <character>FESSAL</character>
    <parenthetical>(Cutting in, clearly worried)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>What's Omar say?</dialogue>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>Who is this Omar anyway?</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Don't sweat that. He's one of my boys. I've sent him off to training camp to bring him up to scratch.</dialogue>
    <character>FESSAL</character>
    <dialogue>But me dad goes to the maschid, what if he's in the maschid?</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Has your dad ever bought a jaffa orange?</dialogue>
    <character>FESSAL</character>
    <dialogue>Once or twice.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Right, he's buying nukes for Israel bro - he's a Jew.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Hassan is fired up by this - Fessal's face is worried.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. AIRPORT - ARRIVALS. - DAY. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Camera finds Omar & Waj emerging into arrivals. Rough unchanged, no backpacks. Waj dazed. Omar pensive, rattled condition from what he's just been through. Waj sees Barry.</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Look Barry! So what are we gonna say?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>We'll say - we're gonna be sent for special training - in Somalia.</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>(nodding) OK - Somalia</dialogue>
    <scene_description>He's never heard of it before - he says it like its a magic land.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. AIRPORT- ARRIVALS/ CAR PARK. DAY. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Jump cut through the exit doors & outside there's Barry - waiting across the road with a smug grin. Omar walks towards him, gathering himself. Reaches Barry.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>You alright Barry?</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>What happened?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Nothing happened. We've been sent to...</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <parenthetical>(cutting off)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Bollocks. You fucked up. You fucking losers. I told you you should have taken me.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Omar does not enjoy this</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>We're going to Somibia Barry.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Somalia.</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Special training.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>(mimics Waj)Special training. Bollocks. Something happened -</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>(stung - fights back) Nothing happened Barry.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Look at the state of you, no luggage, back early, yeah something happened.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>(fighting back) Yeah. Something did happen Barry.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah you fucked up.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>No - (beat - he looks at Waj then goes for it) we got an emir and he told us that we're on.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>What?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>We got an emir and he says that we're on. (wearing these shoes in quickly) You on as well bro?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>This drives Omar off. Barry & Waj are stunned for different reasons. Then start to follow him.</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <parenthetical>(has to be positive now)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Yeah for real bro alhamdallilah.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Omar & Waj are 5 metres ahead of barry</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <parenthetical>(so Barry cant hear)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>What about the arabs bro. What about the arabs?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>They weren't arabs they were - bad tribesmen. Bad tribesmen.</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>So it were good what we did there then</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Beat - then sees Hassan</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <parenthetical>(interrupts - turns to Barry)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>What's the fuck is special branch doing here?!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Meters off, by Barry's parked car - Hassan - filming them.</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>No, no. That's Hassan he's in.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>(coiling) Since when Barry?!</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>No. He's one of us.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Is he fuck.</dialogue>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>How was it boys? Was it amazing?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>What me dads funeral?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Omar grabs Hassan's cam off him.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>How could that be amazing?</dialogue>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>(stunned) You're joking?!</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>He was pecked to death by chickens why would I joke about that?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Waj laughs. Question hangs.Hassan doesn't know what to say.</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>(introducing) Ignore it bro, this is Omar, this is Waj. This is Hassan Malik.</dialogue>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah - I'm the Mal, yeah.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Omar does not accept the handshake</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>(to Waj) Frog im.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Waj handles Hassan.</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>No, no don't frog him. He's been tested.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Waj still has a hold of Hassan, who is anxious to please.</scene_description>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>(beat) Yeah yeah he tested me.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>How d'ee do that then?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Omar looks at Barry then back to Hassan quizzically. (See Barry looking sheepish)</scene_description>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>He made me do the bean thing man</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>What bean thing?</dialogue>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>- you know - where you put a bean up the end of your nob, man.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Omar looks at Barry and back to Hassan again - a real "you did what?!" look on his face.</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <parenthetical>(changing the subject)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>We're on the parking, we gotta, we're on the parking.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Barry? What's this thing about a bean, Barry?</dialogue>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>(realises) What you mean I didn't have to -?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Barry looks away from Hassan.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>No. He's landed you right in it. I got no need for a beanfucker. Or a TV paki. Or a coconut spook. (beat, to Waj)Now frog 'im.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Waj tightens his grip on Hassan.</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Omar. He's loaded. His dad's loaded!</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>What from MI5 payroll?</dialogue>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>Nah. He's got a clothes factory. I can get you a van. I can nick a van …</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>(disgust) You'd steal off your own dad would you?!</dialogue>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <parenthetical>(beat - realises the right answer)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Well, yeah, yeah.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Right. Well you're still walking.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Hassan can't believe it. Omar goes up close to him.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Listen next time I see you you better have a fucking van or I'm going to floss your balls with razor wire.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Hassan knows he really does have to walk. The others get in, Waj grins, shuts the door. Barry looks at Hassan as if to say 'played that wrong', or actually says</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>You played that wrong, mate.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>And gets in the car.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. BARRY'S CAR / EXT. AIRPORT - CAR PARK. DAY. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>The conversation continues in static car with Hassan left standing gormlessly unsure what to do, outside the car.</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>You're on one Omar.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Drive.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The car won't start.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Did you fix this Barry?</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah I fixed it.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>What did you do it yourself or something?</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Yes I did it myself.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Barry pulls off - Omar briefly catching Hassan's eye to give him false hope before car drives off, then looking at him like he's shit & filming it on Hassan's camera phone.</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>So is he in or what?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Course he's in Barry. It's either that or kill him. What choice do I have?</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Great. I knew you'd like him.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. MAHMOOD'S BEDROOM. NIGHT. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Omar is reading a bedtime story to Mahmood, tucked up in bed (no book - he's making it up).</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>So, Simba and Pumba were out on their own - and Scar was out looking for them - and if he found them - he'd kill them, but</dialogue>
    <character>MAHMOOD</character>
    <dialogue>Dad?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah?</dialogue>
    <character>MAHMOOD</character>
    <dialogue>Did you blow up any kuffars?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>What?</dialogue>
    <character>MAHMOOD</character>
    <dialogue>At the wedding?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Do you want to hear what happened to Simba or not?</dialogue>
    <character>MAHMOOD</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Right, so Simba & Pumba were out on their own when all of a sudden they saw this big evil bird that Scar had sent out to look for them! and Simba goes 'look, there it is!' - the big evil vulture coming right at them! (pauses - lost in thought)</dialogue>
    <character>MAHMOOD</character>
    <dialogue>And then what dad?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Well Simba had to bring it down or otherwise it would kill them - so he grabbed a stone and chucked it at the bird only he chucked it so hard, it was such a strong powerful throw that his arm went all the way round and the stone went right behind him - he threw it so hard it went a mile behind him - and it - hit Mufasa - wise strong Mufasa, Simba's dad - it hit him accidentally on the head and killed him.</dialogue>
    <character>MAHMOOD</character>
    <dialogue>But didn't Scar kill Mufasa?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah, in the film - but this is real life I'm talking about? So Simba had a choice. He could either tell all his friends what had happened and agree a confusion or he could keep it a secret and lead all his friends in a big fight against Scar. What do you think he did?</dialogue>
    <character>MAHMOOD</character>
    <dialogue>He had to tell the truth?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>(bit impatient) But he's got to fight Scar, hasn't he? Telling the truth means giving up. Would Simba give up?</dialogue>
    <character>MAHMOOD</character>
    <dialogue>Simba would never give up.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Exactly. Exactly. So Simba kept it all a secret. And he lead Pumba and Timon and all his friends, he lead them all in a fight against Scar and they vanquished Scar and Simba became the new lion king</dialogue>
    <character>MAHMOOD</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah!</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Bedtime for you, soldier.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. BARRY'S HOUSE - GYM - DAY. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Omar is stood addressing Barry, Waj, Hassan and Fessal who are all sat before him in a line. The scene starts with Omar giving a significant look to Barry. Omar is going to straight drop a wopper.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Alright, lads this is it. This is it boys. I've spoken to the emir.</dialogue>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>How did you do that?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Email drop box. And the children's instant messaging site, Party Puffin.</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>I've been on that.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Good Waj.</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Proper good.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Do we have to be puffins as well?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah I'll give you all usernames and passwords after this meeting.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>I'm not sure I wanna be a puffin.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>You don't have to be if you don't want to Barry.</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Bagsy a blue one yeah.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Good Waj. Now I've spoken to him. My puffin has communicated with his puffin. He's told us to get on with it, take Fessal's gear to the secret flat, we'll hide it under the costumes in Hassan's van, we'll put the bleach on boil. We have instructions to bring havoc to this bullshit, consumerist, godless, paki bashing, Gordon Ramsay, Taste the Difference Speciality Cheddar torture endorsing, massacre sponsoring - look at me dancing pissed with me nob out - Sky One Uncovered who gives a fuck about dead Afghanis Disneyland!</dialogue>
    <character>ALL</character>
    <dialogue>Musallah. Brother Omar.</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Fuck mini baby bells.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>(sinks in) Puffin says find a target.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>We've got a target bro we're all agreed.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>What is it?</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>It's the mosque.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Fessal looks doubtful Hassan nods.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>What?</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah - bomb the mosque. Radicalize the moderates. Bring it all on.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Fessal looks too scared to challenge. Hassan nods, eyes blazing - Omar realizes this is serious starts pacing. He's having trouble taking this in. Barry enjoys this.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>OK. Right. No I like that. I do like that. It's brilliant. Let's take out a bunch of Muslims - coz they're the real enemy aren't they, Barry? Once we've done that why don't we truck bomb a kebab shop or fly a jumbo into Waj's mum's head - why don't we get a pig and staplegun it to our foreheads?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Barry looks stunned. Hassan very taken aback.</scene_description>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>But if we bomb a mosque it'll make all the Muslims rise up!</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Me cousin Faz died defending a mosque in Bosnia - did he flippin rise up, bro?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Hassan is silenced, Fessal pipes up.</scene_description>
    <character>FESSAL</character>
    <dialogue>Lets bomb Boots -</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Beat, group reaction taking this in.</scene_description>
    <character>FESSAL</character>
    <parenthetical>(explaining)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>They sell condoms that make you wanna bang white girls.</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>I second that, Boots. They nabbed me nicking Lynx display.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>(disappointed) Right lads, think a bit bigger than a chemist right- I'm not blowing me guts out over a bunch of tampons and cotton buds. What we've got to do has got to last in history. Echo through the ages.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <parenthetical>(after a long beat)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Like bomb a mosque.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>(losing his patience) Barry. We are not bombing a mosque.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>You don't get it do you Omar? We radicalize the moderates - the ummah rises up, it all kicks off!</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>No I do get it - I tell you what its like - it's like having a fight with someone and they're punching you in the face right - so what you go and do is you punch yourself in the face.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Fessal laughs a bit. Barry tries to explain calmly.</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Alright, so I'm having a fight with this fictionary man, and he's not punching me hard enough in the face to make me go mental and win?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Let's do an experiment Barry. We'll have a fight right now. When you start losing and you're not doing very well - you punch yourself in the face, go mental and start winning. Show em all how it works.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Omar goes for Barry - pushing - cuffing.</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>I'm not gonna punch meself in the face.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Why not, Barry? You're the Mulsims you're getting attacked. Go mental, Barry go mental. Show em how it works.(he's enjoying this)</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>I'm not a mosque!</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Yes you are bro! Bomb the mosque!</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>(can't wait) Go on Baz! Bomb it!</dialogue>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>(half supporting) Show him how it works Azzam!</dialogue>
    <character>FESSAL</character>
    <dialogue>Come on man show us!</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Fuck's sake are you all idiots?!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>A rising "bomb the mosque" chorus of encouragement from Waj, Hassan and Fessal - Barry is cornered, he suddenly does punch himself in the face - it hurts.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Wow! He bombed the mosque. He's bombed the mosque. Barry where are the moderates?</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>(makes out he's expecting a spectacular fight back)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Wait, the moderates should be coming out now..</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Right if I was a mosque, which I'm not, then there'd be all moderates behind my nose, bursting to come out and rise up.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The lads find this funny. Barry's nose starts to trickle blood.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <parenthetical>(points)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Ooh, they are bro! Barry, the Suffi Muslim Council's coming out your nose. Ah, you've just wiped them out. You've just wiped them out.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The lads laugh some more. Fessal instinctively & sweetly hands Barry a hanky - Barry wipes the blood off his nose.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <parenthetical>(the others laugh)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Do you think we should still bomb the mosque Barry?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Barry fumes. Decides to leave.</scene_description>
    <character>FESSAL</character>
    <dialogue>Here you are, I've got you a jay cloth, brother.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Fessal hands Barry a jay cloth and shockingly Barry suddenly cracks his nose with a headbutt in a confused act of self-piteous revenge.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. VAN OUTSIDE OMAR'S SECRET FLAT. DAY. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>The van marked "Malik's Cloth & Costume" is parked up outside the bomb factory. Bleak end terrace next to a motorway. Cars and lorries slish by.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. OMAR'S SECRET FLAT (BOMB FACTORY) LIVING ROOM - DAY \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>This is the flat we saw earlier. It is becoming the bomb factory. On the floor are several boxes of Fessal's wine bottles with screw caps filled with bleach. There is also a stereo and speakers, and a guitar. Hassan and Waj are dancing to some niche beats. Hassan is wearing a rabbit head costume. Waj is doing a mock execution on the rabbit. Barry enters.</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Turn that off. There's common areas out there.</dialogue>
    <character>HASS</character>
    <dialogue>It's our cover man. We're a band.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>You're what?</dialogue>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>We're a band.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Bollocks turn it off. What's with the chicken?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>We see Fessal wearing a rubber chicken head with coxcombe head costume emerge from kitchen.</scene_description>
    <character>FESSAL</character>
    <dialogue>It's beard protection - from the bleach!</dialogue>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>He's the drummer!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Waj starts to get into the music, and dances up to Barry.</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>The chicken drummer.</dialogue>
    <character>FESSAL</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah, Barry, who broke the chicken's beak, yeah, remember?</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah, Barry, you broke his beak.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah well I'm sorry but beaks get broken in war, don't they? We're not about protecting beaks are we, we're about blowing them off. Yeah? Well go and unload the van, I'm not doing all the work.(ushers them out) - Waj, Waj, anti surveillance (shakes head)</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Lads exit shaking heads feeling foolish. Fessal shakes his head too.</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Not you, mate, you're still here.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. OMAR'S SECRET FLAT (BOMB FACTORY) / HASSAN'S VAN - DAY \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Hassan and Waj approach the back of the van where Omar is handing out the last three boxes. He clocks Waj and Hassan headshaking.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>What you doing?</dialogue>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>Just in case they're taking pictures.</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Barry says you come out blurry</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Omar's face, as Waj stands in front of him, shaking his head.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Now stop it. Stop it. CCTV is video. You're just going to look like a bunch of Sufis on speed. Next time Barry tells you to do something, don't.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. OMAR'S SECRET FLAT -BOMB FACTORY - BACK ENTRANCE. DAY \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Omar, Hassan and Waj carrying boxes. To their left, a voice.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>You alright?</dialogue>
    <character>ALICE</character>
    <dialogue>You alright Wasim, yeah? (to Waj) Alright Jason -</dialogue>
    <scene_description>(to Hassan) Who's this one? Clearly she's been fed code names for each of them - Hassan needs a code name too.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>This is Claude. Claude, this is Alice. She's got the flat next door.</dialogue>
    <character>ALICE</character>
    <dialogue>Hello Claude. (repeats it like she's trying it on for size)'Claude.' What's this?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>She tries to pull the costume off the top of the box.Omar steps in.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Claude's a new member of the band.</dialogue>
    <character>ALICE</character>
    <parenthetical>(grins at him)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>I used to be in a band 'till ... all the birds fell off the roof</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>(trails off)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>I don't know if you remember?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Alright then Alice. We'll see you later. Come on lads, come through.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Omar is dragging Hassan away.</scene_description>
    <character>ALICE</character>
    <dialogue>Which one are you?</dialogue>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>Claude.</dialogue>
    <character>ALICE</character>
    <dialogue>Claude. Are you French?</dialogue>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah. See ya.</dialogue>
    <character>CUT TO:</character>
    <dialogue>34 EXT. BARRY'S HOUSE. DAY. ESTABLISHER. \*\*</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. BARRY'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM. DAY \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Barry is recording his video.</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Alright mister newsman, in the newsroom. After three. Three, two, one. Yes, it was us. We have struck you where you least expected it. We have bombed the mosque. Only in the days of the final jihad.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Barry is interrupted.</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>What you doing here?</dialogue>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>Well, you told us to come round. We've just come through the back, anti-surveillance like you said.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Right, well, I'm doing my tape.</dialogue>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>But we're not bombing the mosque.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>What?</dialogue>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>We're not bombing the mosque. Omar said we're not bombing the mosque.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Look, I'm just doing this tape in case the plans change to bomb the mosque.</dialogue>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah but if they did change isn't the whole point of it to blame it on the kuffar and not take responsibility for it?</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>What do you know about it, it's my idea in the first place, not yours. Now fuck off I'm doing my tape, go on.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR.</character>
    <dialogue>Hello mate.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>What you're here as well?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah, what's going on?</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>He said he was going to bomb the mosque.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>What? Did you say that Barry?</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>No I didn't.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Did you say that Barry?</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah he did.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>What did you say then Barry?</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>I said I was going to bomb something else. Fuck off, fuck off out my house.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. OMAR'S HOUSE - KITCHEN. DAY. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>OMAR IS WATCHING BARRY'S VIDEO ON HIS COMPUTER. SOFIA GETS THE DOOR AND RETURNS BACK TO THE ROOM, WE SEE AHMED, OMAR'S OLDER BROTHER. VERY ORTHODOX, TRAD & STRICTLY NON VIOLENT. HIS ACCENT BEARS MORE OF A PAKISTANI IMPRINT THAN OMAR'S. AHMED HANGS IN THE DOORWAY WAITING FOR SOFIA TO LEAVE THE ROOM.</scene_description>
    <character>SOFIA</character>
    <dialogue>Salam, Ahmed. Omar, it's your brother. Come in.</dialogue>
    <character>AHMED</character>
    <dialogue>No it's OK.</dialogue>
    <character>SOFIA</character>
    <dialogue>Just come in and sit down.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Alright Ahmed. Salam aleykum.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>OMAR BECKONS HIM IN - AHMED WON'T ENTER - WONT LOOK AT SOFIA AND SHIELDS HIS EYES FROM THE SIGHT OF HER.</scene_description>
    <character>AHMED</character>
    <dialogue>Salam aleykum Omar. (urdu) Can she leave the room?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Waleykum asalam bro - (beckons in again) Come on!</dialogue>
    <character>AHMED</character>
    <dialogue>I'm good thanks.</dialogue>
    <character>SOFIA</character>
    <dialogue>Just come in and sit down. I'm not in the same room you can come in.</dialogue>
    <character>AHMED</character>
    <dialogue>You are. The wall has been taken out so you are.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>AHMED STILL SHIELDING HIMSELF WITH HIS HAND...</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Bro, have you come to drop some fatwas cos we've just had the carpet cleaned.</dialogue>
    <character>AHMED</character>
    <dialogue>(Urdu) I need to talk to you about violence - there is violence in this house.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <parenthetical>(heard it before)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Not in this house bro.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>A SUDDEN NOISE FROM THE GARDEN.</scene_description>
    <character>MAHMOUD OOS</character>
    <dialogue>Freeze or I blow your guts out!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>THEY SPIN TO SEE MAHMOUD - SUPERSOAKER RAISED AT OMAR - DELIGHTED DAD IS BACK. ITS A FAMILIAR ROUTINE - OMAR PICKS UP A FLASHFLOOD WATER GUN FROM BEHIND THE COATS & POINTS IT AT MAHMOUD.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <parenthetical>(playful 'jack bauer')</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Run and hide little man (urdu dininutive) You got thirty seconds!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>EXPECTING THIS AND THRILLED, MAHMOUD LEGS IT BACK TO THE GARDEN. AHMED HAS A "TOLD YOU" LOOK ON HIS FACE AS HE PRODUCES A THIRD WATER PISTOL.</scene_description>
    <character>AHMED</character>
    <dialogue>What are you teaching him Omar?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>You lost it bro they're water pistols?! You got 150 quotes from the scholars saying that you cant squirt a water pistol?</dialogue>
    <character>AHMED</character>
    <parenthetical>(urgently - enough!)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Omar - there is no justification for what you are planning.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>What am I planning, bro?</dialogue>
    <character>AHMED</character>
    <dialogue>You tell me Omar?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>OK - sure you can handle it bro, well its not a proper plan yet - but what I'm thinking is - inshallah - I'm going to go upstairs, run a hot bath, come back down, make some beans on toast.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>SOFIA LAUGHS</scene_description>
    <character>AHMED</character>
    <dialogue>Very funny (Urdu) A joke is a sign of weakness.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Is it bro? Have you got opinions to back that up.</dialogue>
    <character>AHMED</character>
    <dialogue>I have eighteen opinions - all very good ones.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>You know what, it's not top trumps. Muslims are out there getting pasted out there and you're sitting there going</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>(Pakistani accent)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>"I've got 60,000 opinions say we must not fight back but instead we must measure our beards with rulers and lock our wives in the cupboard". (urdu)Is that not a sign of weakness?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>SERIOUS POINT FROM OMAR - AND SOFIA FULLY AGREES.</scene_description>
    <character>AHMED</character>
    <dialogue>It's not a cupboard it's a small room!</dialogue>
    <character>SOFIA</character>
    <dialogue>(rising impatience) Oh come on. It was a flippin toilet til you took the china out!</dialogue>
    <character>AHMED</character>
    <dialogue>(to Sofia) I don't argue with women.</dialogue>
    <character>SOFIA</character>
    <dialogue>No you dont you lock em in a cupboard.</dialogue>
    <character>AHMED</character>
    <dialogue>(to Omar) Omar your wife is out of control.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>I don't know how to control her, help me out.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>SOFIA'S HAD ENOUGH - SWEEPS UP MAHMOUD'S SUPERSOAKER. HER ATTITUDE IS >>OH WELL IF I'M OUT OF CONTROL I'LL BE OUT OF CONTROL THEN<<</scene_description>
    <character>SOFIA</character>
    <dialogue>Oh I'm so out of control - look at this - what am I doing?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>SOFIA FIRES IT AT AHMED'S FACE. AHMED IS STUNNED - CONTROLS HIMSELF.</scene_description>
    <character>SOFIA</character>
    <dialogue>Oh stop me Omar what am I like?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>(larfs) Do it again babe he won't fight back… (ironically) In fact I order you! (winks at ahmed) Obey me wife! Go and do it.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>SOFIA UNLEASHES ANOTHER TANKFUL. AHMED INCENSED FIRES A WATER PISTOL AT OMAR.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Ah fighting bro ! fighting</dialogue>
    <character>AHMED</character>
    <dialogue>(shooting now) I'm not fighting - this is not fighting.</dialogue>
    <character>SOPHIA</character>
    <dialogue>No its self defence!</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Defend yourself bro - come on - little intifada in the face!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>AHMED LEAVES. SQUIRTING AND SHOUTING.</scene_description>
    <character>AHMED</character>
    <dialogue>I am not fighting (urdu) this is wrong ! You twisted idiot owls</dialogue>
    <scene_description>OMAR LAUGHS HIM OUT OF THE HOUSE. AS THE DOOR IS SHUT THEY'RE LEFT LAUGHING AT EACH OTHER - A BEAT - SOFIA SQUIRTS OMAR IN THE FACE - AND HE SQUIRTS HER BACK...</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. OMAR'S SECRET FLAT (AKA BOMB FACTORY). NIGHT \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>The place is a constructive mess. Bits of bomb making kit abound. White powder dries on paper plates. Tupperware boxes, nuts and bolts, tape & other bomb making kit. THe microwave they will later blow up. In the kitchen several saucepans of bleach are on the boil. The extractor fan is on. Cannister for making dry ice. A baby bath or two - for the acetone adding stage. And Fessal's bottles all clutter the surfaces.Omar is at the hob. In the sitting room, Hassan and Waj are taking it in turns to detonate small quantities of TATP on their hands. the feeling is of a jackass escalation. 1g 2g etc. This is instantly detectable without having to see each phase played out. Barry is sitting on the floor - absorbed in a construction of bolts and nails in a small tupperware box - exquisitely neat.</scene_description>
    <character>HASS</character>
    <dialogue>That's twice as much bro</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>This one's gonna make a mark!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Hass holds hand out in trepidation. Waj ignites the powder with a cooker lighter. Huge flash and puff. They both collapse in shocked thrilled laughter. Fessal is filming this on Hassan's camera and turns his attention to Barry</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Jew, gay, fed, Sodomite, Gynaecologist, innocent bloke - doesn't exist - Leonard Cohen. Here you give me that. You do some work.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>While doing this Barry looks up at Fessal. He takes the camera and turns it on Fessal who hurriedly puts a box on his head. Hass has finished packing the cannister. Waj is gorming with excitement</scene_description>
    <character>HASS</character>
    <dialogue>This one's going to be like a grenade. Watch this bro!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Barry swings the camera over to Hassan who raises the cannister. He hurls the cannister onto the floor. BOOOOOOM!!! Stunned lull... then post stunned jackass hilarity. Omar pops thru from the kitchen - half delighted but also annoyed</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Come on lads. Why don't you just pick up the phones and call the cops? Come on.</dialogue>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>Sorry man.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Omar pops back in. Fessal -peeping out from his box is worried</scene_description>
    <character>FESSAL</character>
    <dialogue>Barry - we don't have do use that on ourselves do we Barry?</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Course we do, bro.</dialogue>
    <character>FESSAL</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah but its our choice right?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Omar pops back in to leave no doubt</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Fess, it is your choice bro - it can only be your choice.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Fessal looks relieved, Omar pops back into kitchen. Barry turns camera on Fessal again who retreats under his lid</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Fess it is your choice right - but you've already chosen to blow yourself up haven't you?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Fessal stands there in his box</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Haven't you?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Fessal stands there in his box - clears his throat.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. FIELD - DAY. AM. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>CU of a Crow sitting on a fence. Wearing a fag packet on its chest. Fussing around this is Fessal. He is wearing protective cans. And addressing the bird, muttering to himself, to brother crow - a bundle of nerves. A final reminder to brother crow - they've been through this many times before.</scene_description>
    <character>FESSAL</character>
    <dialogue>Right now brother crow, you're wearing that bomb so I dont have to alright? See that, (pointing to a toy house) that's a sex shop - US embassy or some other such slag utility. Now wait there. When I say you fly to the target, when I dial this you go to heaven brother crow. Inshallah</dialogue>
    <scene_description>He gets out the remote control, and then holds up his hand signaling the bird to wait, then walk runs to 20 meters away - hand still up - then signals the bird to attack by pointing very vigourously to the sheep-shelter. Still on its perch, the bird explodes. Fessal double takes. Stares at the smoking perch. Then throws an animated fit. Fessal is very upset, the bang scared him - and he's lost his brother crow, for no good reason. Long lens of this Rumplestiltskin like figure - freezes - a succession of sv freeze frames.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. CITISCAPE. NIGHT \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Fireworks are popping like fireworks in the night sky. It's the opening of a new shopping centre.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. OMAR'S SECRET FLAT (BOMB FACTORY) - LIVING ROOM. NIGHT \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Hassan is there on his own. Playing a shoot em up game on his Wii/ playstation.</scene_description>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah, what's that Mrs Thistle. No i dont want to resit my media studies. Stupid Mrs Thistle. I dont want to retake it. You know why, cos I've found a new purpose in life, and here it is....</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Door bams open - Omar in his security uniform enters taking off his shirt.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Come on lads, lets go!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>He sees only Hassan is there. Back to Omar pulling on his civvies.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Where are they?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Hassan is surprised - he thought Omar knew.</scene_description>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>They've all gone, theyre using the fireworks for cover.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah I know, that's my idea - why didn't they wait for me?</dialogue>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <parenthetical>(quick with excuses)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Barry said you said go ahead - I'm just on night shift.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Omar horrified.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah you are. Lock the door. If anyone comes in looking for Barry tell em you used to know him - but he's just (Urdu) died the death a thousand crocodiles driven so far up his arse he's wearing his fucking pelvis like a balaclava. You got that?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>He turns to leave.</scene_description>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>Can I come?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Omar has slammed the door.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. WASTEGROUND.- NIGHT. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Wastegound - NIGHTVISION - microwave being carried over rough ground. Fireworks in the sky - 3 figures on the ground. Fessal and Waj are carrying the microwave across the rough space. Lit by a torch carried by Barry. Fessal is wearing cans, scampers like a soldier crossing no man's land. Every time a firework goes off he dives for cover.</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY (TO FESSAL)</character>
    <dialogue>Don't drop it you prick!</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>If you drop this stuff kusum brother Fessal we're baked beans from here to Derby. Slowly, slowly.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>56 They're putting the microwave down, switching on the mobile phone taped to the outside. They turn and head for cover. Behind some rubbish, Barry Waj and Fessal wait. Barry checks the sky. Looks at Waj & the hiding Fessal. Volley of fireworks.</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>I'm going to blow it. Ready?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>He looks at them angrily - speed dials. BANG! The microwave goes off with impressive power. Barry & Waj with looks of wonder, stand up - several beats. Barry is beaming, chuffed. Then Fessal pops up - glaring and terrified.</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>You see that, Barry. It were fucking good. Proper good.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Then he sees Omar - approaching fast.</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Hello bro. Oh dear bro did you miss it?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Omar chest shoves Barry onto his arse.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>I told you before didn't I bro. (to Waj) What were you lads playing at. Why didnt you call me Waj?</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>I didn't have no credit.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. OMAR'S SECRET FLAT (BOMB FACTORY) STAIRWELL. NIGHT. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Waj, Fessal, Barry & Omar enter the bottom of the stairwell. Omar pissed off has Barry by the arm. Barry protesting.</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>This breaks anti surveillance protocol - We shouldn't be back here til tomorrow. (Starts shaking head)</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>The protocol was you were supposed to stay back here guarding the flat coz there's a good chance that you are being monitored!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>That's Barry beaten in one - but he is of course a cock.</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Is that an Islamic argument brother? I only listen to Islamic arguments.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>And that was my microwave, Barry. I had it ten years that Matsui. I should've been there.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>The microwave has been well sacrificed brother.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Don't screw with my jihad, Barry.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Your jihad?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Our jihad.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>You said your jihad.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>No I didn't I said our jihad.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Fess, what did he say ...?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>What does it matter - my jihad, our jihad, what's the difference? I made a mistake - and it's such a small thing?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>This squabble continues as Waj and Fessal open the door -</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Eh, eh, come and have a look at this.</dialogue>
    <character>CUT TO</character>
    <dialogue>43 INT. OMAR'S SECRET FLAT (BOMB FACTORY) - DOORWAY. NIGHT \*\*</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Door opens to reveal Hassan and Alice. Jiving about ridiculously with headphones on - they're listening to Dancing in the Moonlight & emitting odd stupid random vocal noises & semi getting it on. The flat by the way, is a mess of bottles and bomb compounds. Omar has to be loud. Hassan 'n Alice are lost in their own box. Alice is pretty out of it - hazey - but given to sudden bursts of vocals - half words - growls! Slightly scary. Hassan is getting into it.</scene_description>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>I'm rappin. I'm rappin, I'm rappin in the moonlight, cos I don't need no shitlight, cos I'm feelin' alright.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>He takes Alice's hands and jives with them.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Hass- Claude!!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Omar chucks a shoe at Hassan - who breaks off his dance, looks horrified. Throws down cans. Doesn't know what to do next. Alice is still in her own box. Hassan in blind panic.</scene_description>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>Shit.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Right it's time to go now Alice.</dialogue>
    <character>ALICE</character>
    <dialogue>Why? What's going on?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Nothing. We just need you to go.</dialogue>
    <character>ALICE</character>
    <dialogue>Oh. Oh I get it. I know what's going on here. I know what you lot are. You lot are a bunch of paki bashers. Mountie boys. Gays.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Omar takes this in for a beat. It is a decent cover.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>We're so gay.</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>I'm not.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Yes, you are. We all are. But mainly it's these two. Isn't it Norman.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Yes.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>You love it don't you. But we've got to get down to some gay business now, all of us.</dialogue>
    <character>ALICE</character>
    <dialogue>You lot aren't my friends any more.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>She exits grandly. Omar listens for the second door slam. Turns to Barry, pointing at Hassan.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Safe is he!</dialogue>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>She didn't see anything. I swear to God she didn't see the bottles and...Man I'll sort this out, I'll sort this out man, just give me a minute and I'll sort this shit out.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Yes you are going to sort it out cos you're going to kill her!</dialogue>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>Kill her?!</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <parenthetical>(excited)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>We're gonna kill her?!</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Not 'us' Waj. Hass.</dialogue>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>You want me to kill her?</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Oh what you can fuck her but you can't kill her? What's wrong with you?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Fessal gives Omar a fork.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>(to Barry) Give him your pocket knife Barry. Here we go, knife and fork, now make a fucking meal of it. I'm not joking bro. Do I look like I'm joking. Now go on your way. I want you to chop her head off and bring it back in a bucket.</dialogue>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>Chop her head off?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Hassan eyes expand - Barry gives him his little hook knife. Omar gestures to the door, Hassan, hardly believing his own movement approaches the door. Omar lets him reach it. Then explosively wrong foots him.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Right we're not really gonna kill anyone are we - you fucking idiot. Why dont we just call up the pigs and dob ourselves in! That'd be clever wouldnt it. Her body and her hands trail back to us.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Hassan right in the headlights - desperate to rectify.</scene_description>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah yeah-</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Shut up! (gathers) Right what we going to do with all this. She's seen it now. We gotta move it now havent we. Right, we're going to put it at Barry's allotment.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>We're putting it at my allotment -</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Shut up Barry. Solved. Problem solved. Daddy's come home and wiped everybody's arse, hasn't he? That's what jihad's about. It's me wiping your arses. Whoops, one minute -</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>(mime making phone call)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Hello is that Gaza? Omar would love to help only he's really busy wiping up the fountains of shit spraying out the arses of (Urdu) shitspouting donkey's crap fucking monkey's swollen bollocks dundars! Okay thank you.</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Who were on the phone?</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. STREETS / INT. BARRY'S CAR - DAY. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>We see Barry's wreck crawling, backfiring, through urban streets. Inside, Barry is driving with determination. On the passenger seat, Omar - perspicacious, pensive. In the back nervous Waj, Fessal & Hassan. All have rucksacks on their laps - the explosives inside. Barry is in paranoid mode. Fessal is wearing cans. Barry rams a speed bump.</scene_description>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>Slow down please.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Get us there in one piece, Barry. Go easy. Go easy.</dialogue>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>Dont rattle this stuff, Barry. Slow down.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Use your eyes boys we got a predator.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Hassan and the others look round. Behind the car is a milk float. Barry floors it.</scene_description>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>What, the - milk float? That's a milk float!</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>The feds work under cover you mug.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Barry floors it then the car makes a horrible grinding thumping big end through the crank case noise & stops.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Did you fix this then Barry?</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Yes! I fixed it. It's the parts - they're Jewish.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>What parts in a car are Jewish?</dialogue>
    <character>FESSAL</character>
    <dialogue>Spark plugs.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Jews invented spark plugs to control global traffic.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Right everybody calm down. Grab the gear. We're going to walk.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Check the roofs boys. This could be an ambush.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Everyone pulls on a rucksack containing TATP, and get out and start unloading the car. They also carry shopping bags at their sides. All looking around - paranoid - Barry charged up. Barry starts smooth fast walking round the car- trying to keep his torso on the same level, like a Steadicam operator.</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Right one jolt and this stuff could go. Right. You got to run smooth, right but you've got to run fast but you gotta run smooth with this stuff - like this. Fast, slow, smooth but fast...</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The others try to copy him.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Barry we're fine(grabs barry) lads we're fine!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>But barry's seen something.</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Oh yeah? How about we're fucking surrounded, look!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Omar clocks Matt! 50m off jogging towards them - thinks fast.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Right everybody get off the road. Nobody say anything. If anybody talks I'll make them jump up and down until they go bang. Just keep your mouths shut and let me deal with this. Hey man how's it going - (hugs Matt) nice little one pack you got going on there bro!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Omar rubs Matt's paunch - Matt almost blushes.</scene_description>
    <character>MATT</character>
    <dialogue>You're a pint of sauce Omar.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>You managed to run a mile yet without stopping for a milkshake?</dialogue>
    <character>MATT</character>
    <dialogue>(pleased with self) Make that 12 miles Mr Khan? Alright lads - what's with the bags then?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The others say 'alright' back. Then answer "Shopping", "marzipan" "chicken".</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>We're about to go play football. We should grab all this kit and get down there, to the pitch, shouldn't we. Alright bro, see you in a bit.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>He hustles them to go. They start crossing the road - Matt notices a spare rucksack</scene_description>
    <character>MATT</character>
    <dialogue>Hey lads - wait you forgot this!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>He chucks it underarm... Panic Hassan makes an almighty spaz up of catching it.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>(as its pitched) No!</dialogue>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>Whah! (as he catches it) Haha haaa haaha!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>They scuttle off - Barry drilling them on the max wall run. Matt looks at Omar pretty puzzled. Omar dials up an answer.</scene_description>
    <character>MATT</character>
    <dialogue>What's that?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>That bag's full of really fragile - boots.</dialogue>
    <character>MATT</character>
    <dialogue>Fragile boots? Are they alright?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>What? Yeah that's just - thigh exercise innit.</dialogue>
    <character>MATT</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Quad squats - you know - squat jogs - It's for the marathon. I thought you'd know.</dialogue>
    <character>MATT</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah. Squat jogs (mental note, and starts trying the move)</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Alright, man, I'll see you in a bit.</dialogue>
    <character>MATT</character>
    <dialogue>Squat jogs, yeah?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah, down, a bit lower.</dialogue>
    <character>MATT</character>
    <parenthetical>(still nodding )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Safe-age, mate. Take care man.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah, yeah.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Matt turns to jog off - producing a ludicrous "me and u bro on the KV" wave. Omar returns a mocking version of the same, turns, Matt exits squat-jogging</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. BARRY'S ALLOTMENTS / SHED - DAY \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Hassan and Barry have made their way to the allotments. It's right on the edge of town, semi-rural. They're near a road but hidden from view by some trees. They're safe. Loading their sacks into the shed. Waj appears through the trees looking pleased with himself.</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Alright brothers?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Barry and Hassan are pleased to see him. They embrace.</scene_description>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <parenthetical>(laughing relief)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Alhamdallillah bro. We skilled it</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Where's Fessal?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Barry draws their attention to Fessal who is now zigzagging around in a panic.</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Eh boys, boys come and have a look at this. Can you see him. (to Fess) Eh bro run!! Ha ha !</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Fessal looks behind him, he's freaked out by this.</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Eh, brother Fessal</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Over the wall, Fessal.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Waj is drawn in by the exciting game.</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah. (shouting) Run faster bro!</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>But not too fast!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Hassan gets out his phone, starts videoing Fessal. They're all laughing. Then as they watch/video it, a nervous, distracted Fessal leaps up over a drystone wall. He falls over - right next to a sheep - and explodes, taking the sheep with him. Hassan, Barry and Waj's stunned expressions. Hassan especially horrified. Staring at the screen of his phone. Comparing it to reality - willing the two to differ. CUT TO:</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. FIELD. DAY \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>We see Barry, Hassan, Waj, running down to the site where Fessal and the bomb just went off.</scene_description>
    <character>ALL</character>
    <parenthetical>(running down the hill - shouting)</parenthetical>
    <scene_description>FESSAL! BROTHER FESS! FESSAL!:</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. BARRY'S ALLOTMENTS / SHED. DAY - LATE AFTERNOON/EVE. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Omar runs into the allotment looking stunned and furious.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Where is he?</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>It was a martyr's death.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Omar glares.</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>He's gone paradise innit brother Omar?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Omar who has been fighting anger and disbelief finishes processing the data.</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>He disrupted the infrastructure.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>How did he do that?</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>He took out a sheep. Magnificently took it right out.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Did he?</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Attacked the food supply.</dialogue>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <parenthetical>(finding Omar's raging eyes on him, no idea what to say, still in shock, indicates the bag)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Some of it's in there with him (all too much)</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Omar's eyes fall on the plastic sack Hassan is carrying. As Omar blazes Hassan sobs. Omar is very very fucked off.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>What?</dialogue>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>I couldn't separate it.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>So what is he, is he a martyr or is he a fucking jalfrezi?</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>He's a martyr.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>This is bullshit. He is not a martyr</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Yes he is a martyr, he's part of the war.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>What war? The war on kuffar sheep?</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>He's the first hero of the final jihad.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>He's not a hero. He's a dickhead. And so are you. You're all dickheads.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Woah, woah, woah, brother that is out of order..</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>I've made a decision Barry, mission's off. It's finished, I'm done with this.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>You can't handle the war brother. You're having a wobble.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>I've got nothing to have a wobble about Barry, my conscience is clear. You're the one who killed Fessal!</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>I didn't kill him.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Yes you did. You brought in TV Paki after he made an arse of himself at a public meeting - that you shouldn't even have been at.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Hassan stirs out of his state.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>And he blew our cover. And ever since then you've had everybody so paranoid, Barry, that poor little Fessal's panicked himself to death.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>(beat) So really Hassan killed him!</dialogue>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>No you killed him.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>No you killed him. You heard what he said.</dialogue>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>Nah, nah. You killed him more.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>I thought it was a good thing he died wasn't it? He's a martyr, it's a good thing.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Good point - thought digest beat.</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Alright I did kill him then. I martyred him. He's up there now somewhere keeping my seat warm.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Hassan looks trapped, Omar stares at them - turns to Waj.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Come on our kid let's go.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Waj is split down the middle.</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>I think I martyred him a bit too. (beat) We got to keep on!</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>You got a plan, Waj?</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Blow something up?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>What we going to blow up Waj?</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>... internet? We'll blow up the internet for brother Fessal.</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>(confused as all fuck)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>We're mujahid brother yeah! Rubber dingy rapids yeah!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Waj close to tears.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>No. You're not mujahid Waj, you're a fucking idiot- do you think a mujahid gives a (urdu) loony's broken fuck (eng) about rubber dingy rapids? Do you think he get his deen from a book called "the cat that went to makkah" - a book he can't even finish because its too fucking advanced for him? I tell you what bro I've got a plan for you (urdu) Why don't you go with psycho balloo and piss jet baghhera and go and lose yourself in the forest right and (urdu) you can all sit around the campfire shoving grenades up your cocks then blow up the internet by jumping out of a tree arse first onto a laptop.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Effectively handing them over to Barry, slams out. They stare after him - particularly Waj whose eyes stare in disbelief as he goes - brimming. CUT TO:</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. PARK. LATER - DAY. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Omar trudges through park in a sad haze. Medium distant traffic. Park sounds. A ball skids across Omar's path.</scene_description>
    <character>AHMED OOS</character>
    <dialogue>Omar!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Omar looks up to see Ahmed and some of his studious & beardy discussion group waiting for their ball back. Omar mistimes a flick up and hoofs it back to them disconsolately.</scene_description>
    <character>AHMED</character>
    <dialogue>Salaam Omar (guardedly)</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Omar clocks the studiously serious faces. Yeah fun.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Salaam bro - your boys look like something rubbish.(tuts his head - but he's not enjoying teasing)</dialogue>
    <character>AMED</character>
    <dialogue>You alright Omar?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah. Yeah I am as it goes.</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>(he's clearly not)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Listen can I ask you something?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Ahmed gives him 'the face' - studious and serious - calm certainly bulwarked by 1,000 quotes.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Ah, screw it. Doesn't matter. You've already started doing the face haven't you...</dialogue>
    <character>AHMED</character>
    <dialogue>Why not come to our study group?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>What and get a four hour dose of that face? The floaty face of the wise bird hovering on a million different quotes about to do a massive wisdom shit on my head - forget it.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Omar slopes off</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. OMAR'S HOUSE - KITCHEN. NIGHT. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Omar on a laptop on the kitchen table. He looks depressed. He is on the kids website "puffin party". Omar's puffin (PuffO-1) has a speech bubble that says.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR'S PUFFIN</character>
    <dialogue>"Sorry I shouted at you our kid - can you talk?"</dialogue>
    <scene_description>He clicks on a speech bubble coming from (Wajpuff 1). This activates a stupid electronic puffin voice which says:</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ'S PUFFIN ()</character>
    <dialogue>"I'm not talking puffin Omar - go away"</dialogue>
    <scene_description>He looks lost. Sophia appears behind him. He half looks round. She puts a hand on his shoulder.</scene_description>
    <character>SOPHIA</character>
    <dialogue>Omar what are you doing? It's the middle of the night. What is that?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>It's a puffin party.</dialogue>
    <character>SOFIA</character>
    <dialogue>A what?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>It's a puffin party. I'm talking to Waj's puffin.</dialogue>
    <character>SOFIA</character>
    <dialogue>Omar, what are you talking about?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>It's the boys - I left em. Hassan's puffin won't talk to me, Waj's puffin just told me to piss off. Barry's puffin's turned all red and is hiding under the pirate hat. Fessal's dead (beat) - he's dead. He was carrying explosives and he - tripped up over a sheep -</dialogue>
    <scene_description>We see Sofia's brain realize this is terrible but ridiculous -</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>(mirthless harf larf) They're total idiots, Sof!</dialogue>
    <character>SOFIA</character>
    <dialogue>Well it must have been God's plan for him to be blown up on a sheep</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Omar thinks >>OK<< but he wants the full instruction booklet.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Come on, Sof, how can that be God's plan?</dialogue>
    <character>SOFIA</character>
    <dialogue>Well, it can't be God's plan to leave the lads with Barry can it?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Omar looks back - that makes sense - but still.</scene_description>
    <character>SOFIA</character>
    <dialogue>Come here. You were much more fun when you were going to blow yourself up, love.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>I am going to blow myself up, just not in a mosque or in a chemists or on top of a duck</dialogue>
    <character>SOFIA</character>
    <dialogue>Right well if they're going to blow themselves up in the wrong place, you've got to make sure you all blow up in the right place.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>She kisses him gently - tenderness rises during the following.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Sof, I can't even get them to stir their tea without smashin a winder-</dialogue>
    <character>SOFIA</character>
    <dialogue>(soothing) What's your heart say?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>A tiny beam in Omar's eyes. The moment is broken by a voice from the doorway.</scene_description>
    <character>MAHMOOD OOS</character>
    <dialogue>God's in your heart dad!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>They look up startled. Mahmoud has entered silently. Omar stares at Mahmood lost to a dawning revelation. Mahmood thinks the stare means trouble.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Hey you. Come here.</dialogue>
    <character>MAHMOOD</character>
    <dialogue>Sorry I heard talking.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Sophia extends a loving arm towards him - he approaches. She looks at Omar because Mahmood has hit the nail on the head. Omar is struck & if he were moving at all he would be faintly nodding.</scene_description>
    <character>MAHMOOD</character>
    <dialogue>(to Omar) Can we finish off the story about Simba's jihad?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah we can do that tomorrow. Come on off to bed.</dialogue>
    <character>MAHMOOD</character>
    <dialogue>Does he become a martyr eh dad?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Dont you worry, cos even if he gets blown to bits, he's going to die smiling.</dialogue>
    <character>SOFIA</character>
    <dialogue>He'll go straight to heaven.</dialogue>
    <character>MAHMOOD</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah, he'll be in heaven before his head hits the ceiling.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Omar is now nodding in the smallest possible way. The boy's right. Sofia knows it too. Loving family unity opening up like a flower in the sun. Omar smiles & nods. They all smile at each other - the perfect sweetness of family.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. CITYSCAPE. DAY. MORNING. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Bright morning. High and wide shots. Of the city.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. TRAM. DAY - DAY. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Omar is on the tram. With his work bag. Staring blankly. Behind him the plasma screen is showing news. The headline is "Asian man's head falls out of tree" - the news reader is reading a big story. Captions reveal what he's saying - Strap stays and pictures cut to:</scene_description>
    <character>NEWS READER OOV</character>
    <dialogue>"the asian man's head was found less than two miles from the city centre today this afternoon Steven Fap discovered the Asian man's head when it nearly fell on his dog out of a tree"</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Man walking dog - a news walkie shot. Then Man's talking head describing how the dog was nearly hit as the head fell out of the tree. Omar double takes as he hears the Asian man's head story.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. SHOPPING CENTRE - WALKWAY. DAY. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Omar walking fast - brain racing.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. SHOPPING CENTRE - CONTROL ROOM. DAY. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Door. Omar bursts in, straight from the tram. Looks around. Sees another security guard and goes straight up to him.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Yo is Matt here? Right Tim, step outside for a minute bro. I need you to go outside and get some doughnuts or something. Get another one.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The security guard, gets the message and leaves Omar to talk to Matt. He stops in his tracks - Because Matt is dressed in a Handstand Clown upside down Illusion costume. He is red faced. Matt isn't expecting to see Omar, but is glad it's him</scene_description>
    <character>MATT</character>
    <dialogue>Omar! You can help me with this?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>He stumbles around the room. To produce the illusion of legs n feet in the air - the costume forces you to walk around with both arms raised.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>I got to ask you something first -</dialogue>
    <scene_description>But Matt's oblivious - stuck in his costume nightmare.</scene_description>
    <character>MATT</character>
    <dialogue>I booked the clown. They gave me this - its the wrong way up I can't run in a wrong way up clown. They said I'd ordered the wrong way up clown! Why would I order a wrong way up clown?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>It's fine, it's fine, I can sort you one out. I can sort you out with another costume.</dialogue>
    <character>MATT</character>
    <dialogue>I didn't even know what one was - I said you're gonna cause a pile up at the marathon is that what you want? A massive pile up & me flat to my arse in a costume I cant even bloody believe exists?!</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>I know mate easy - I got a costume - a rabbit costume at home. You can run in that.</dialogue>
    <character>MATT</character>
    <dialogue>A rabbit? Can I run in a rabbit? (starting to come out of it)</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>It's amazing, panic over, done</dialogue>
    <character>MATT</character>
    <dialogue>I'm sorry, I'm sorry.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Right - Now you seen the news?</dialogue>
    <character>MATT</character>
    <dialogue>(of course!) Oh yeah. The head!</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah What do you know about that?</dialogue>
    <character>MATT</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah they're just saying it's jihadi - they've got him, filmed him blowing up a crow.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Omar's face is lost in space.</scene_description>
    <character>MATT</character>
    <dialogue>Its not a jihadi is it Omar? Blowin up a crow? Omar?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Omar gathers (huge effort)</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Mm? - nah - it's a cultural thing we bazooka'ed an ostrich at that wedding I was at.</dialogue>
    <character>MATT</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah??</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Matt nods and looks at Omar who is lost in a very loud box.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>I gotta go Matt..</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Omar leaves as quickly as he came in.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. BARRY'S HOUSE.. NIGHT. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Hassan's van parked outside.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. BARRY'S HOUSE - GYM. NIGHT. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Knocking. Whispering "who's that?" More knocking.</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Just calm down. Calm yourselves. I'll go get it. Alright. Get out Omar.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Get out my way.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Barry is letting Omar into the room. Waj & Hass are in there.</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <parenthetical>(revving up)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Oi. Oi. You fuck off back out of the back door - you're not part of this any more!</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Right lads this is an emergency - They found Fessals' head - the head that YOU buried 5 ft under your shed - it fell out of a tree onto a dog.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Good - dogs contradict Islam</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Dibble's onto us lads! - dibble is on to us.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Hassan, looking more and more anxious and doubtful - blurts</scene_description>
    <character>HASS</character>
    <dialogue>I told you it was a knee!</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>That was a head it was obviously a head.</dialogue>
    <character>HASS</character>
    <dialogue>It had a hinge!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Omar has effectively won that one - its time for a call to action</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Right, so I've just seen Matt right? - Matt is running the London marathon tomorrow - he's doing it in costume - you know they run in costume? - well so can we - we can disguise the gear in there- and it's perfect- we got live tv - prime targets - all London</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>We've got a target Omar. It's the mosque -</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>When you meet God do you want to tell him I struck a blow for the brothers, right, or i blew a load of them up</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Blew a load of them up - he'll love that he'll get it</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Come on lads ! Waj?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Hass is frozen between barry and omar. Waj is not</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>I'm not on your side any more brother omar</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Omar struck beat</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>You ripped me up bro</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>57 Marshallah.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Waj is nearly crying. Omar has to dig deep</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Waj bro... I'm really sorry. My head was in a mess coz of Fessal but I should have stayed.</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Why didn't you then?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Coz i made a mistake. But You didn't .</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>You listened to your heart and you did the right thing.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>No ignore him Waj. He's being nice. You cannot win an argument just by being nice.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>I'm not just by being nice Baz. I'm right as well aren't I?</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Also - you cannot win an argument just by being right.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>No?</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>No. No way.</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>I think maybe you can Barry?</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Who asked you fuckbrain?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Beat - this decides it for Waj.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. STREET - OUTSIDE HOUSE -. NIGHT \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Police vans pull up in the street and cut engines. Northern Armed Response.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. BARRY'S HOUSE - GYM. NIGHT. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Barry's not a good emir brother Omar! He made me do bad stuff in the woods</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Like what?</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>He said if I was a proper mujahid, I'd wiz in me own mouth.</dialogue>
    <character>HASS</character>
    <dialogue>(didn't know this) You made him wee in his own gob?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>What is wrong with you bro?</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>It's submission, it's the rules of submission.</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>It felt bad brother - it's not too tricky once you get the aim right but it just feels like really proper wrong - all wee splashin off your teeth</dialogue>
    <scene_description>He's upset - hurt - post traumatic. 58 EXT STREET. OUTSIDE HOUSE. NIGHT - CONTINUOUS \*\* Northern Armed Officers start moving silently up street.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. BARRY'S HOUSE - GYM. NIGHT. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Bro, I swear kusum bro I may ask you to blow yourself up but I will never ask you to piss in your own mouth.</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah bro promise.</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>(smiles) no more widdle in me gob.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Promise bro. Rubber dinghy rapids</dialogue>
    <scene_description>They hug. Waj holds tightly onto omar</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Rubber dinghy rapids.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. STREET. OUTSIDE HOUSE . NIGHT - CONTINUOUS \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Northern Armed Officer's. In position. Waiting. A door ramming team moves into position.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. BARRY'S HOUSE - GYM. NIGHT. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>See this brother Hass - it's gays at work - it's not muslims - it's gays.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Omar - still caught in Waj's bearish hug, wants to address hassan. He disengages, rotates waj by 90 degrees, goes back to hugging but this time he can see Hassan past Waj</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Ok brother Hass, marathon or mosque?</dialogue>
    <character>HASS</character>
    <dialogue>Either way we're going to blow right?</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah. To pieces bro</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah. But die smiling bro.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>We cam see that hass is trapped but can't escape - and even in this state he can see omar's way is better than barry's</scene_description>
    <character>HASS</character>
    <parenthetical>(looks between them)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Wicked. Wicked yeah man. (goes for it) lets blow up a load of fit slags at the marathon yeah?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Hass hurls himself into the Waj-Omar hug. Waj's arms him in. They're clinging on to Omar like he's their rock.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Come on Barry. We're Lions bro!. Four lions.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>They're laughing at him now. Barry is disgusted</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. AHMED'S HOUSE - DOORWAY - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Blam! The Northern Armed Officer's ram the jacked door down. Noise - DOGS (OOV)!. And they're into the hall and all over Ahmed's house. 8 or so lads are kneeling, praying, led by Ahmed:</scene_description>
    <character>NORTHERN ARMED OFFICER #1</character>
    <dialogue>On the floor now! Now! On the floor. What the fuck is this eh?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>They are already all on the floor. Hands over heads. The armed officer shows Ahmed the water pistol.</scene_description>
    <character>NORTHERN ARMED OFFICER #2,3,4,5</character>
    <dialogue>Get on the floor! Shut the fuck up! Show me your hands!Shut the fuck up! Get on the floor! Shut the fuck up! Shut the fuck up!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The police rip open another door to reveal a closet containing three very surprised looking muslim ladies cramped together on wooden chairs drinking tea.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. HOSPITAL. A&E DROP OFF POINT. - NIGHT 2AM. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Omar pulls up in Hassan's Van.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. HASSAN'S VAN. - NIGHT 2AM \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Omar jumps out. He turns to three expectant faces. Takes keys</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>I'll be two minutes.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Spins towards hospital entrance.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. A & E. HOSPITAL.- NIGHT. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Omar through a busy A&E. He spots Sophia at her workstation: triage nurse. & he sees she's talking to a police officer. He thinks a moment, he's got to do this, slips behind a screen, emerges with clipboard & stethoscope, putting on white coat and strides straight towards her - interrupts the cop. During this Sofia holds back the five mad monkeys trying to leap out of her face.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>(full of conviction despite the words) Right nurse. Still on shift.</dialogue>
    <dialogue>So got the stats back from Cubicle seven - it needs more blood supplies for - the knee.</dialogue>
    <character>SOFIA</character>
    <parenthetical>(all her questions in this one)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>The what?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah, the knee string. The knee string's come off. (now he needs her to get this)</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>I've finished my shift now. So I'm going to take my team up to the top floor. Right. So I'll see you up there. (beat) Yeah?</dialogue>
    <character>SOFIA</character>
    <dialogue>Okay.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Omar winks at the cop.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>(to police) alright lads. You going to arrest me? Well carry on.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>- and leaves.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. HASSAN'S VAN / MOTORWAY. NIGHT. DARK \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Vehicle swooshes past.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. HASSAN'S VAN. NIGHT. DARK. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>The gang are en route now. Omar is driving, Barry next to him, Waj and Hassan are behind them. … deep in thought. Omar check them out - thoughtful faces - Barry pretty suspicious - Omar switches on the CD player - Hassan's jihadi songs - starts humming along... looks at Barry who's having only the barest of it - Hassan and Waj a bit more.... esp when Omar mimes with the firing guns</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. HASSAN'S VAN / MOTORWAY. NIGHT. DARK \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Vehicle swooshes past 69 EXT HASSAN'S VAN / MOTORWAY. PRE DAWN \*\* Van bombs past cam again- it's a bit lighter. Dawn.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. HASSAN'S VAN. JUST AFTER DAWN. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Even higher spirits. Hard to say who is leading the singing. Easy to see Barry is not happy.</scene_description>
    <character>ALL</character>
    <dialogue>Dancing in the Moonlight everybody's feeling warm and bright such a fine and natural sight every body's dancing in the moonlight.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>71 EXT HASSAN'S VAN MOTORWAY. AFTER DAWN. \*\* Hassan's Van approaching London. 113 CUT TO:</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. LONDON ESTABLISHERS. DAY. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Wide - marathon day.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. BACKSTREET BY RAILWAY ARCHES, WOOLWICH. DAY. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>In a shut for Sunday no cams back alley the guys are putting on their bomb belts, they are shielded from view by the Van. They keep watch but they're in a relatively safe spot. Waj is putting on his belt with great care. Omar fixing the detonator.Barry is fixing up Hassan's detonator, doing some complicated work round his back. Hassan is a bit nervous. Their costumes are half on. Omar is a Honey Monster, Waj is a sexy ostrich, Barry - still sulking - is a ninja turtle and Hassan has the upside down clown we saw matt struggling with. There is an air of final purpose.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Come on lads we're late. It's alright there now. Nearly done our kid. OK?</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Mujahid brothers</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Mijahid.</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Mujahid, brother Hassan.</dialogue>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>(forcing himself) Mujahid!</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>(he looks reflectively down at his bomb belt) Defo right thing</dialogue>
    <dialogue>yeah bro?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>What?</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Blowin up kuffar and that? Totally legit yeah?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah.</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Good. Nah, wicked, I was just checking and that.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Hassan has noticed this and we see him tuning in and following less biddably than Waj.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Waj - Don't listen to your brain bro - The Shaitan gets in there with his wasawasa! What you gotta do, you got to listen to your heart, remember.</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah my heart brother Omar.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>So what's your heart say?</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Well ... it says er - 'It's wrong Waj. Don't do it.'</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>And what does your brain say?</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Er ...'we're here, together, all strapped up, and it would be like, well pathetic to cop out now.'</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Right (thinking)</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>So he should listen to his brain!</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>No he's got to listen to his heart, Barry!</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>This is Waj's brain we're talking about - since when do we listen to Waj's brain (to Waj) sorry bro.</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>No I agree I'm thick as fudge.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>His brain says do it - so his brain's gotta be right!</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>That can't be his brain, that's his heart, Barry!</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Feels like me brain brother.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah OK this is what's happened</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>(pauses to get his own head straight) )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>What's happened is Shaitan has confused you. He's swapped round your brain and your heart. So don't listen to what you think is your heart - cos that's actually your brain! It's in disguise, as your heart. Right? And what you thought was your brain - that's your heart. That's actually your heart.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Waj is practically hallucinating in bafflement.</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Er. My brain is my heart.</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>(looks at his chest and to Omar again)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Waj starts to latch on to something. Omar taps Waj's head.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>You got it our kid?</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Er... (he is sort of getting it) - oh yeah.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>So what's up there?</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Heart.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Okay. Yeah. Follow your heart.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Waj gets it - flooded with relief - back on track.</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Nice one brother. Alhamdallillah!</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>(hugs him) Alhamdallillah bro.</dialogue>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>(interrupting) Hey!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Omar looks to where Hassan is pointing</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>(mutters in urdu) BhenChoad! -</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Two police cars at the end of their lane - a cop coming up towards them. Barry mutters.</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY.</character>
    <dialogue>Come and get it you fed fuck!</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Everbody calm down. Bigger picture. We're doing a fun run for a kid's charity. Stretches, stretches. We're running for kids, for charity, for kids, policemen's kids. You alright officer?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The cop is there.</scene_description>
    <character>PATROL POLICEMAN</character>
    <dialogue>Late for the fun run lads?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <parenthetical>(joining in the time awareness)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Oh yeah. Er... yeah we are actually.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>What's it to you?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Er, do you know how we can get to the red zone?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Pause. Has this worked? The cop scrutinizes Hassan.</scene_description>
    <character>PATROL POLICEMAN</character>
    <parenthetical>(friendly - to Hassan)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>You can't run in that can you?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>He just drew the short straw.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>it's still horribly uncertain the cop is buying this then…</scene_description>
    <character>PATROL POLICEMAN</character>
    <dialogue>Four short straws were there?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>He grins - a very slight version of Omar starts laughing - urging the others to laugh with him.</scene_description>
    <character>PATROL POLICEMAN</character>
    <dialogue>Red zone, it's back down there, left, second left again, and there's marshalls, they'll tell you where to park (thinks they're daft) You're gonna die in that gear lads!</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>More than likely (glint of irony)</dialogue>
    <scene_description>More laughter. For Hassan this irony is not so merry.</scene_description>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>Hhyeah! (irony not runny)</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>It's all for a good cause though. Have a good day officer!</dialogue>
    <character>PATROL POLICEMAN</character>
    <dialogue>Well, Good luck.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The officer leaves. They pretty much hold their breath as he walks away. Then they turn towards the van. Hassan's eyes bulge as he watches the cop leave. He's now about 50 yards away. Suddenly Hassan bursts towards the police cars.</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Bloody hell.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Shit!</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>What the fuck's he doing?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Hassan pulls his head free of the costume & sticks his hands up. He's in a total panic.</scene_description>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>Help! Help. I'm accidentally a suicide bomber! I'm going to blow.</dialogue>
    <character>PATROL POLICEMAN</character>
    <parenthetical>(suddenly pointing with both hands - locking Hassan down)</parenthetical>
    <character>STOP!</character>
    <dialogue>Hassan stops.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>He's bottled it!</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Maybe it's his costume - the legs make the hands go up.</dialogue>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>I've got a bomb but it's a mistake.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Nah, nah, nah he said he's got a bomb.</dialogue>
    <character>PATROL POLICEMAN</character>
    <dialogue>You got a bomb?!</dialogue>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>Yes but I'm not a bomber!</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Don't worry.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>We see Barry has a phone, he's surreptitiously dialing it.</scene_description>
    <character>PATROL POLICEMAN</character>
    <dialogue>This is a fucking bad prank mate!</dialogue>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>No no no! I'm real! (anxiously adjusting the sense) But not any more! …</dialogue>
    <character>PATROL POLICEMAN</character>
    <parenthetical>(screaming)</parenthetical>
    <character>YOU'RE REAL BUT NOT ANY MORE I</character>
    <dialogue>DON'T UNDERSTAND! HAVE YOU GOT A</dialogue>
    <character>BOMB?!</character>
    <dialogue>HASSAN</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>(shouting his head off)</parenthetical>
    <character>YES I HAVE BUT ITS NOT GOING OFF.</character>
    <dialogue>PATROL POLICEMAN</dialogue>
    <character>HOW DO I KNOW THAT?!!</character>
    <dialogue>HASSAN</dialogue>
    <scene_description>(emphasizes hands up screams) LOOK! And Hassan immediately explodes. The cops - 15 metres from him are knocked over.There is a beat of shock and disbelief. The cops pick themselves off the floor. Omar, Barry and Waj stay immobile a beat then.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>We gotta go! We need to go. Now! Go! Go!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>And Barry's off - then Omar with Waj, into the side lane.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. SIDE LANE / STREETS - DAY. CONTINUOUS \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>They stop, down a side lane. Barry looking back - in a thrilled haze about what he's just done</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <parenthetical>(muttering)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Mater choad, Behn choad...</dialogue>
    <scene_description>omar bringing waj back into focus</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Waj! Waj! Do your best to try and find some targets! Do your best! See you on the top floor our kid!</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Radisson style - Penthouse suite!</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Go, smooth running Waj.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Smooth running Waj, smooth running.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>They hug, then Waj runs off smooth fast with a smile - his course bending to the left. We see this wide in an open space. Barry snorts contemptuously - a terrible party in his head.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>(slamming/choking him against a wall ) You killed Hassan.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah! He bottled!</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>You took away his choice. You de- martyred him.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Did Waj have a choice when you told him his heart was his brain? And his gob was his ring piece? You tomatoed your friend. You've killed the special needs donkey</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>No I haven't.</dialogue>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Let him blow, let the retard blow.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>BARRY ENJOYS THIS CRUELLY. OMAR SCARPERS. BARRY PICKS UP HIS HEAD & SHOUTS AFTER HIM.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. STREETS. DAY - CONTINUOUS \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>The three of them smooth-running - adrenalized near panicked but smooth as possible running - eyes darting everywhere for cops. A siren goes off. But no sign of cops.See Waj running through columns, Barry and Omar running down same street, but don't meet. CUT TO:</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. OVER HEAD - MARATHON RACE. DAY. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>General shots of the race still happening. Distant Sirens.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. BACK STREETS/ MARATHON. DAY. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Omar backstreet max wall free running - checking everywhere, upwards too: copters - turns corner, sees race 20 meters ahead. Stops. CUT TO:</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. SIDE ROAD. DAY. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Waj smooth fast fool gait - sees cops up ahead - oh shit! And is down a side road - sirens start up. Run Waj! CUT TO:</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. BACK ALLEY OF KEBAB SHOP. DAY. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Waj is running. Looks up. Copters. He looks ahead. A cop car. He ducks down the back alley of a terrace of businesses. Sirens. And suddenly two cops ahead - at the far end of the alley - on radios and pointing. Waj spots an open door at the back of one of the premises, runs across the back yard, and thru it - the back half of a kebab shop -</scene_description>
    <character>CONTINUOUS TO:</character>
    <dialogue>80 INT. KEBAB SHOP / EXT. FRONT OF KEBAB SHOP/ STREET. DAY \*\*</dialogue>
    <scene_description>He pelts through that and out of the front. Police! Running down the street. 3 from one side, 2 and a motorbike from the other. He shouts at them all. Revealing his bomb.</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>I'm loaded! I'm fucking loaded!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The police stop in their tracks. Waj is fleetingly chuffed. Then back into the kebab shop. There's four guys in there seated and two guys behind the counter, Ali and Nabil, all Asian.</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Shut it! The metal. Shut it.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>One lad scrabbles over and flicks the switch for the metal shutters.</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Right lads, see this. (pulls open jacket - reveals bombs) Any of you do anything, we're all turning baked beanz alright.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Holds up switch.</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>No fucking messing now, yeah.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Off their terrified bemusement</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. MARATHON RACE. DAY. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Omar - the honey monster - is now actually running (like max wall) in the body of runners in the marathon. He's running so stupidly the crowd cheer him past. He waves.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. SNIPERS ROOFTOP. DAY. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Two snipers - are positioned behind a balustrade.</scene_description>
    <character>RADIO CONTROL (O.S.)</character>
    <dialogue>Active Targets are Ostrich and a Grizzly bear. Ostrich and Grizzly Bear are targets.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Snipers look at each other train their sights.</scene_description>
    <character>CUT TO:</character>
    <dialogue>83 EXT. RIFLE SIGHTS - MARATHON. DAY. \*\*</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Scanning views down the rifle sights. 200 Runners running towards and past camera - including a wookie. - view sweeps back 20 metres, we see Omar too.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. SNIPERS ROOFTOP. DAY. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Back on the roof: sniper 3 is aiming and shoots, on the shot.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. MARATHON RACE. DAY. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Runners - blam - A wookie goes down.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. SNIPERS ROOFTOP . DAY. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <character>SNIPER 3</character>
    <dialogue>(Into radio) The bear is down repeat the bear is down. (To sniper 4) I got the bear!</dialogue>
    <character>SNIPER 4</character>
    <parenthetical>(looking thru the sights)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>I think it's a wookie - it's a wookie.</dialogue>
    <character>SNIPER 3</character>
    <dialogue>Its not it's a bear.</dialogue>
    <character>SNIPER 4</character>
    <parenthetical>(to radio)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Is a wookie a bear, Control?</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. MARATHON RACE. DAY. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Omar is stopped. Ahead of him The wookie is down - the immediate area is blocked - police and marshals appear - people rushing around - shouts …</scene_description>
    <character>CUT TO:</character>
    <dialogue>88 EXT. SNIPERS ROOFTOP. DAY. \*\*</dialogue>
    <character>RADIO MESSAGE (O.S.)</character>
    <dialogue>Correction Honey Monster. Target bear is now target Honey Monster.</dialogue>
    <character>SNIPER 4</character>
    <parenthetical>(asks radio)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Is a honey monster a bear?</dialogue>
    <character>RADIO MESSAGE (O.S.)</character>
    <dialogue>A Honey Monster is not a bear.</dialogue>
    <character>SNIPER 3</character>
    <dialogue>(swipes radio) A Honey Monster is a bear. A Honey Monster is down. He was the target. He was a bear.</dialogue>
    <character>RADIO MESSAGE (O.S.)</character>
    <dialogue>The Honey Monster is down?</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. RIFLE SIGHTS - MARATHON. DAY. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>There is Omar thru the sights - standing looking dazed.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. MARATHON RACE. DAY. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Omar's route is blocked now by chaos. He looks up - helicopters.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. SNIPERS ROOFTOP. DAY - CONTINUOUS \*\*</stage_direction>
    <character>SNIPER 4</character>
    <dialogue>(into radio) The Honey Monster is not down control. We have a wookie down.</dialogue>
    <character>RADIO MESSAGE (O.S.)</character>
    <dialogue>What's a wookie?</dialogue>
    <character>SNIPER 3</character>
    <dialogue>(shouts at 4) A bear it's a bear!</dialogue>
    <character>SNIPER 4</character>
    <dialogue>(to3) No - it is a wookie - but you've just shot it as a bear</dialogue>
    <character>SNIPER 3</character>
    <dialogue>(back to radio) its a bear!</dialogue>
    <character>SNIPER 4</character>
    <dialogue>(interrupts & to 4) NO! The wookie is down and the wookie is not the target</dialogue>
    <character>SNIPER 3</character>
    <dialogue>Well it must be the target I just shot it!</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. KEBAB SHOP. DAY. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>The door is locked, the shutters down. Waj is sat down with a kebab - munching - the hostages are staring at him in terror. He's taken off his ostrich & is enjoying the grub.</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>I'll just finish this then we're all off to heaven alright. Martyrs suite, VIP lounge.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Nabil standing with his hands up plucks up courage.</scene_description>
    <character>NABIL</character>
    <dialogue>You gonna kill us?</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <parenthetical>(thinks, has to conclude yes)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Might av' some seconds but I kind of am, yeah.</dialogue>
    <character>NABIL</character>
    <dialogue>Why?</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>For Jihad man! - kuffar 'n that?</dialogue>
    <character>NABIL</character>
    <dialogue>But alhamdallillah, we support jihad bro.</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>I cant explain it lads but if brother Omar were here I swear he'd tell you knowledge proper good.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Flummoxed faces.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. STREET OUTSIDE KEBAB SHOP. - DAY. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Police sirens, helicopters overhead. A car pulls up. A man with a beard and skullcap steps out like the cavalry. Nods at the uniformed police. One of them hands him a phone. He accepts it with smug entitlement. The Negotiator has arrived.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. PRET. DAY - \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Omar sits down at a table looking out on to the street - takes his Honey Monster head off - puts it on table - looks round. HE PULLS OUT HIS PHONE TO CALL WAJ. NOXIOUS MAN CLEARS HIS THROAT NOISILY BEHIND OMAR. OMAR LOOKS ROUND. NOXIOUS MAN, WHO IS READING THE SUNDAY TIMES, POINTS SELF RIGTHEOUSLY TO HIS QUIET ZONE T-SHIRT. OMAR ACKNOWLEDGES - TOO DISTRACTED TO BE PISSED OFF. THE KNOW ALL MAKES A SOME-PEOPLE-HAVE-NO-KNOWLEDGE-OF-ELEMENTARY- THERMO-PHYSICS FACE TO HIS WIFE. CUT TO:</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT PRET - INTERCUT WITH - INT. KEBAB SHOP. DAY. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>We inter-cut between the Kebab shop and Prêt.</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Omar?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Waj?</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Are you in paradise bro?!</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>No bro, I'm in a cafe. Where are you?</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>In a kebab shop. I've got hostages and everything, like X- box Counter Strike!</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Listen Waj...</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Thing is they're all brothers - i still get points for takin them with me though? Like nectar card?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>REASSURING FACE TO THE LADS.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>No Waj listen - you got to let em go. Keep one of them</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Eh?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <parenthetical>(thinking fast)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>maybe keep one of them back - but let the rest of them all go.</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Ok (shruggish) Right you stay, but you three can go. Go!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>(LOOKS AT NABIL - POINTS)</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Now Waj, listen to me. What you said about this being wrong? You were right - it is wrong.</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Eh? What do you mean?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>For you. For you Waj. What your doing is wrong.</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah, I know, it feels really wrong bro. But that's why it's right, yeah?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>No you're confused bro</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>I'm not confused brother.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Yes you are confused, I confused you!</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>I'm not confused brother, when I'm confused I got my confused face. Wait.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>WAJ TAKES A PICTURE OF HIMSELF ON HIS PHONE.</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Bro I've just took a picture of my face. It's deffo not my confused face. I'll send it you.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>WAJ TAKES THE PHONE FROM HIS EAR, RINGS OFF AND STARTS TO TEXT THE PICTURE.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>98 Waj, waj listen to me.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>IN THE CAFE, BARRY SUDDENLY RUNS IN SWIPES THE PHONE</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <parenthetical>(mocks)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Waj? Waj? Listen to me. It's too late to stick your hand up his arse now!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>BARRY LEGS IT TO THE DOOR. OMAR FOLLOWS. OMAR EXITS AND BARRY WUMPS HIM IN THE NUTS.</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY.</character>
    <dialogue>Ah, look at the Paki Bono, wanna call him? You wanna call the special needs donkey.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>(HOLDS UP PHONE, LAUGHS): BARRY IS WALKING BACKWARDS & LAUGHING AND FIDDLING WITH OMAR'S PHONE - TAKING THE SIM CARD OUT. HE HOLDS UP THE PHONE</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Here you go.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>HE CHUCKS THE PHONE AT THE STUNNED OMAR - AND POINTEDLY POPS THE SIM CARD IN HIS MOUTH AND STARTS TO CHEW, BACKING AWAY INTO THE STREET.</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>You forgot the simcard.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>SUDDENLY HE CHOKES.</scene_description>
    <character>BARRY</character>
    <dialogue>Fuck!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>BARRY'S PANICKING NOW - HE CAN'T BREATHE. HE'S STANDING THERE, STILL, DOUBLING OVER AND CHOKING.NOXIOUS MAN BRUSHES OFFICIOUSLY PAST OMAR.</scene_description>
    <character>NOXIOUS MAN</character>
    <dialogue>Mind out. Mind out the way</dialogue>
    <scene_description>HE HEADS ACROSS TO BARRY.</scene_description>
    <character>NOXIOUS MAN</character>
    <dialogue>Easy chap - OK.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>BARRY'S EYES ARE WIDE - TRIES TO GESTURE "NO, NO!" AS NOXIOUS MAN GOES BEHIND HIM - LINING UP FOR A HEFTY HEIMLICH</scene_description>
    <character>NOXIOUS MAN</character>
    <dialogue>Its fine I can heimlich</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <parenthetical>(to noxo)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Don't-</dialogue>
    <character>NOXIOUS MAN</character>
    <dialogue>I've done this before sonny. Now there we are now, now don't fight it.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>OMAR LEGS IT. BARRY WHEEZING TO STOP HIM BUT CAN'T SPEAK - NOXO PREPS HIMSELF FOR THE FULL ANTI CHOKE MANOEUVRE</scene_description>
    <character>NOXIOUS MAN</character>
    <dialogue>And catch the peanut....</dialogue>
    <scene_description>BARRY'S EYES LIKE FRIED EGGS. HEIL HEIMLICH. BARRY BLOWS.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. KEBAB SHOP / STREET - DAY. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Police cars/armed officers (KEBAB SHOP ARMED RESPONSE) are gathering at the end of the kebab shop street.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. KEBAB SHOP INTERCUT WITH EXT. KEBAB SHOP/ STREET - DAY. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Waj is at the table with Nabil, the hostage. Nabil is shivering, he's wrapping himself up tight in his puffa jacket. Looking very nervous. Waj puts an arm round him, and offers him a morsel from his plate that he's happily eating. Then Waj's phone rings. He looks shocked, takes it out of his pocket.</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <parenthetical>(reading screen)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>'Number withheld.' (to Nabil) I don't do 'number withheld'.</dialogue>
    <character>NABIL</character>
    <dialogue>Please. It could be important</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <parenthetical>(remembers!)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Hey yeah maybe I've won an iphone?! - hallo?</dialogue>
    <character>HOSTAGE NEGOTIATOR (O.S.)</character>
    <dialogue>Waj?</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Have I won? (winks at Nabil)</dialogue>
    <character>HOSTAGE NEGOTIATOR</character>
    <dialogue>Waj? This is Ed, I'm with Special Branch, I'm just outside ...</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>How did you get this number?</dialogue>
    <character>HOSTAGE NEGOTIATOR</character>
    <dialogue>Waj can we talk.</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Have you got like, agents working at Orange? You've got double agents working at Orange haven't you?</dialogue>
    <character>HOSTAGE NEGOTIATOR</character>
    <dialogue>I'm sorry?</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>I knew I should have gone O2. I've got loads of mates on O2 ...</dialogue>
    <character>HOSTAGE NEGOTIATOR</character>
    <dialogue>Look, Waj. What are your demands?</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>I don't have any.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT/EXT. PHONE SHOP. DAY. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Omar, losing his nut, runs into a phone shop.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Excuse me mate. Can I have a simcard for this phone please?</dialogue>
    <character>PHONE SHOP GUY</character>
    <dialogue>Not for this model, but we can sort you out for you if you want to come with me.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR?</character>
    <dialogue>Can you make this work. I need it. Is it on?</dialogue>
    <character>PHONE SHOP GUY</character>
    <dialogue>It's only a display model, do you want it?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah. I need it.</dialogue>
    <character>PHONE SHOP GUY</character>
    <dialogue>Gordon. Can you get this phone for me please mate.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. KEBAB SHOP INTERCUT WITH EXT. KEBAB SHOP/ STREET -</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>DAY. \*\*</scene_description>
    <character>HOSTAGE NEGOTIATOR</character>
    <dialogue>Waj, why are you doing this?</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Rubber dingy rapids</dialogue>
    <character>HOSTAGE NEGOTIATOR</character>
    <dialogue>Sorry?</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Rubber dingy rapids bro - fast track - straight on the rides - like alton towers - no queue</dialogue>
    <character>HOSTAGE NEGOTIATOR</character>
    <dialogue>You like funfairs then Waj?</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Its not a funfair bro its a theme park! Funfair?! How old are you? Alton towers got a spa bro!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>100 INT PHONE SHOP. DAY. \*\*</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR?</character>
    <dialogue>Just now, I need it now. The contract?</dialogue>
    <character>PHONE SHOP GUY</character>
    <dialogue>Alright mate, what do you want 12 months contract?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Just any.</dialogue>
    <character>PHONE SHOP GUY</character>
    <dialogue>Alright mate, easy bro, easy, I'm doing it for you.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT./EXT KEBAB SHOP. DAY \*\*</stage_direction>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Ok I think I'm gonna go now bro.</dialogue>
    <character>HOSTAGE NEGOTIATOR</character>
    <dialogue>Wait! What about girls Waj - I bet you like the ladies...</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>(laughs) Is this your first time bro - you a virgin at this?</dialogue>
    <character>HOSTAGE NEGOTIATOR</character>
    <dialogue>Please Waj - can we talk about girls?</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. PHONE SHOP. DAY \*\*</stage_direction>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Just fill that out now.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Gets out a credit card.</scene_description>
    <character>PHONE SHOP GUY</character>
    <dialogue>What sort of call plan would you like? We've got the Labrador? The Dragon? How about the Hermit Crab? It's eighteen hundred free texts.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Omar looks defeated, runs out</scene_description>
    <character>PHONE SHOP GUY</character>
    <dialogue>Hey mate, I've still got your card.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>101 CUT TO: CUT TO:</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. KEBAB SHOP DAY. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Alright we can talk about girls -</dialogue>
    <character>HOSTAGE NEGOTIATOR</character>
    <dialogue>Right SO what sort of girls are</dialogue>
    <scene_description>you into then Waj.</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Well... you know - ones with big jubblies n that?</dialogue>
    <character>HOSTAGE NEGOTIATOR</character>
    <dialogue>Yesh you like them big Waj?</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Oh yeah - and nice fit arses man!</dialogue>
    <character>HOSTAGE NEGOTIATOR</character>
    <dialogue>You're an arse man aren't you Waj? I knew you were bro - you're an arse man. You're a massive arse man,</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>(hang on) What you sayin?</dialogue>
    <character>HOSTAGE NEGOTIATOR</character>
    <dialogue>I'm saying you're an arse man Waj</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Waj puts his phone on speaker to include Nabil in the joke.</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>You giving me the batty chirps bro?! You calling me a whammer?</dialogue>
    <character>HOSTAGE NEGOTIATOR</character>
    <dialogue>No - I ...</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Fuck off!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Clicks off.</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>(to Nabil) Fuckin boy George!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Nabil's vexed mush.</scene_description>
    <character>CUT TO:</character>
    <scene_description>104 EXT STREETS. \*\* Omar runs trying to find the Kebab shop.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. KEBAB SHOP - DAY \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Nabil is staring at Waj wondering how the hell his day turned into this.</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Don't worry brother Nabil (hands Nabil the bomb belt) Hold on to these. When I press clicker, just think about takin out the kuffar - you'll be in paradise before me bro!</dialogue>
    <character>NABIL</character>
    <dialogue>(sitting there too terrified to move the bomb) But - there's no</dialogue>
    <dialogue>kuffar here bro.</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah, but</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>(looks confused then ding!)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Brother Fessal's a martyr and he only blew up a sheep.</dialogue>
    <character>NABIL</character>
    <dialogue>I think you might be confused brother.</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>I'm not.</dialogue>
    <character>NABIL</character>
    <dialogue>You look confused.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Beat for Nabil to fail to respond.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. CROWDED STREET (EXT. DRUGS & BEAUTY SHOP)- DAY. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Omar, now a headless honey monster. Omar hiding from a passing copter under a projecting lip of architecture. Scurries out & round a corner into a more crowded street and immediately bumps into Matt, in his rabbit gear. He looks anxious and emotional. He has cuts and bruises. And the impact knocks him over.</scene_description>
    <character>MATT</character>
    <dialogue>Ahhh!</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Sorry man!</dialogue>
    <character>MATT</character>
    <dialogue>Oww!</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Matt! Matt! Yeah, man listen you got a signal on your phone?</dialogue>
    <character>MATT</character>
    <dialogue>Omar! What you doin here?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>(part of him pulls into focus) I'll level with you Matt I'm MI5. Special under Cover job - I'm er, a spook.</dialogue>
    <character>MATT</character>
    <parenthetical>(still stunned at the MI5 drop)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>What? What's going on?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>(beat) Fathers for justice. (while dialing Waj) They've teamed up with the real IRA, it's a real nightmare scenario. Just give me five.</dialogue>
    <character>MATT</character>
    <dialogue>(bloody hell) Jesus.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. KEBAB SHOP. DAY/INTERCUT WITH OMAR ON STREET \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Waj's phone rings again.</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Fucking unknown number again. Is that whammer cop going straight to hell or what? What you doing.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Desperate, Nabil grabs the phone and answers it.</scene_description>
    <character>NABIL</character>
    <dialogue>Hello.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR?</character>
    <dialogue>Bro, it's Omar.</dialogue>
    <character>NABIL</character>
    <dialogue>Omar?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Waj grabs the phone off him</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Waj.</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Tell me what to do bro. I think I might be confused but I'm not sure.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR.</character>
    <dialogue>Listen bro, do what I do right. You do same as me OK?</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Yes brother I'll do the same as you</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <parenthetical>(thinks - tactical - lies)</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Right, OK, I'm gonna give myself up bro.</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Eh?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR.</character>
    <dialogue>I'm gonna give myself up bro.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>COPS BURST IN AND SHOOT NABIL. 108 EXT SHOPPING PRECINCT - CONTINUOUS \*\* OMAR HEARS THE GUNS DOWN THE PHONE</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Waj! Waj!!!</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT/EXT. KEBAB SHOP \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>WAJ BLINKING. HIS PHONE ON THE FLOOR - OMAR'S TINY SHOUTS JUST AUDIBLE. WAJ CAN HEAR IT - CALLS OVER TO IT.</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>Brother, What'm I doing brother?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR O/S</character>
    <dialogue>Waj!!!</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>What am I doing brother?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Waj, Waj, pick up the phone.</dialogue>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>No, what am I doing?</dialogue>
    <character>COP</character>
    <dialogue>You alright mate?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>WAJ TURNS, CONFUSED, HALF SMILING.</scene_description>
    <character>WAJ</character>
    <dialogue>I'm sorry lads i don't really know what I'm doing.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>KEBAB SHOP BLOWS.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. KEBAB SHOP / STREET - DAY 13. \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>The kebab shop blows up.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. SHOPPING PRECINCT. DAY \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>OMAR HEARS A HUGE NOISE ON HIS PHONE AND AMBIENTLY IN THE PRECINCT. OMAR LOOKS UTTERLY LOST - BLOWN AWAY</scene_description>
    <character>MATT</character>
    <dialogue>(bloody hell) What was that? What was that?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR LOOKS MILES AWAY -</character>
    <dialogue>FIGHTING BACK TEARS -</dialogue>
    <character>MATT</character>
    <dialogue>Are you alright...? Omar are you alright.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>OMAR SEES COPS AT TWO SEPERATE POINTS OF PRECINCT - HE LOOKS ROUND - SEES CHEMIST - MAKES A DECISION.</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Now you stay here. And you tell em I was smiling.</dialogue>
    <character>MATT</character>
    <dialogue>What?</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Smile on my face. Could be important.</dialogue>
    <character>MATT</character>
    <dialogue>Right. Smile, is there?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>OMAR IS ACTUALLY CRYING</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>HE TURNS - STARTS WALKING AWAY.</scene_description>
    <character>MATT</character>
    <dialogue>Where are you going? Omar?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>OMAR TURNS BACK AND WALKS TOWARDS CHEMIST. MATT IS PUZZLED.REAR VIEW OF OMAR GOING AWAY TOWARDS CHEMIST. CU OMAR'S FACE AS HE WALKS TOWARDS THRESHOLD OF CHEMIST. HE IS PUSHING HIMSELF ON AGAINST WAVES OF SADNESS REAR VIEW SEE OMAR DISAPPEAR INTO THE SHOP. CUT TO MATT STILL TAKING IT ALL IN BANG! FADE OUT.: 112 END CREDITS \*\*</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. RAF AIRFORCE BASE - - DAY. DAWN \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>We see a hangar in the distance and the quiet flat surroundings of norfolk.</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. HANGER - DAY. DAWN \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>The huge hangar is empty except for a single large shipping container. It doesn't look large. It looks very lonely - by itself in the huge space. There are a couple of guards at the doorway of the hanger (the human not the plane doorway which is shut)</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. CONTAINER, AIRFORCE BASE - DAY. DAWN \*\*</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>The container interior is bare. Two US private security guards stand behind Alex - who is seated across a desk from Ahmed - dressed as an extraordinarily rendered detainee - and seated uncomfortably on a metal chair.</scene_description>
    <character>ALEX</character>
    <dialogue>This is RAF Mildenhall. But it's acually Egypt. When you entered the base, you left Britain and you passed through US jurisdiction and into this container which is internationally recognised as the sovereign territory of Egypt, you are now in Egypt.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>He pushes a little Egyptian flag across the table.</scene_description>
    <character>ALEX</character>
    <dialogue>There are some pretty hellish Egyptians behind that door there. They use electrodes, drills - (he's genuinely upset by this) And biro refills...Do you know what I mean?</dialogue>
    <character>AHMED</character>
    <dialogue>Please! I don't know anything about my brother!</dialogue>
    <character>ALEX</character>
    <dialogue>We know a lot more than you think we do.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Alex looks genuinely outraged. Ahmed is wild eyed, trapped. Alex holds up a weetabix as if this will help prompt something from Ahmed. Needless to say it doesn't. 145 CUT TO: 146 CLIP OF Matt as eyewitness convinced it wasn't Omar and someone needs to ask some proper questions …..</scene_description>
    <character>MATT</character>
    <dialogue>Right lets get one thing straight - Omar Khan he had nothing to do with this.</dialogue>
    <character>MATT</character>
    <dialogue>I knew him - I worked with him - you know he was actually working for MI5 ? cos he told me that himself</dialogue>
    <character>CUT TO</character>
    <dialogue>CLIP OF Malcolm Storge MP commenting on the siege saying</dialogue>
    <character>MALCOLM STORGE MP</character>
    <dialogue>The report makes crystal clear that the police shot the right man but as far as I'm aware the wrong man exploded. Is that clear.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>CLIP OF HASSANS VID</scene_description>
    <character>HASSAN</character>
    <dialogue>we da muslimeen - we made some terrible scenes now you wanna know what da boom boom means? Its Like Tupak said when I die I'm not dead Fight and be slain. Die with no pain Got shaheed in ma heed 4 ma creed I daa-heed ! We are the martyrs - your just smashed tomataz (he is interrupted mid flow) what? (more muffle) I said "da- heed" - like died. (more muffle) it is clear. Da-heed!. Daaa-h- eeed. It doesn't sound stupid! Its like With respect bro you got bad fuckin knowledge - you like Maroon Five!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>CLIP OF MATT</scene_description>
    <character>MATT</character>
    <dialogue>See what those videos show are just a bunch of lads mucking about -it's role playing, it's games innit. We've seen them do that. Probably made films themselves pretending to be footballers, or cricketers, or technicians. I've got a friend who pretends to be a technician.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>CLIP FESSAL MARTYR VID WITH A BOX ON HIS HEAD CLIP OF MATT</scene_description>
    <character>MATT</character>
    <dialogue>When we talk about the so called terrorist attack on the London Marathon, we should remember one thing, most loud bangs are not bombs, they're scooters backfiring.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>CLIP OF SHEIK'S CAMP NEWS FOOTAGE \*\*: CLIP OF OMAR AND WAJ MARTYR VID END \*\*</scene_description>
  </scene>
</script>

Summary: A group of four radicalised British Muslim men living in Sheffield, three of whom are British Pakistani, aspire to become suicide bombers. They are Omar (Riz Ahmed), who is deeply critical of Western society and interventionism; his dim-witted and anxious cousin Waj (Kayvan Novak); Barry (Nigel Lindsay), a bad-tempered and extremely rash English convert to Islam; and the naive Faisal (Adeel Akhtar), who tries to train crows to be used as bombers. While Omar and Waj travel to an al Qaeda-affiliated training camp in Pakistan, Barry recruits a fifth member, Hassan (Arsher Ali), after witnessing him pretending to commit a suicide bombing at a conference. The training in Pakistan ends in disaster when Omar attempts to shoot down a US Air Force drone and accidentally destroys part of the training camp; the pair are forced to flee. However, Omar uses the experience to assert authority on his return to Britain. The group disagrees about what the target should be. Barry wants to bomb a local mosque as a false flag operation to "radicalise the moderates". At the same time, Faisal suggests blowing up a Boots pharmacy because it sells contraceptives and tampons. Omar's conservative but pacifist brother visits him and tries to talk him out of doing anything violent; however, Omar and his wife mock him for keeping his wife in a small room and squirt him with water pistols, making him flee. After the group begins production of the explosives, Hassan is left alone to watch the safe house as Barry takes Waj and Faisal out to a field for a test detonation of a small amount of TATP contained in Omar's microwave, using a nearby fireworks show to cover the sound. When they return, they find Hassan dancing with an oblivious neighbour (Julia Davis). The group suspects they have been compromised and transport their volatile explosives to a new location in grocery bags. Faisal trips up while crossing a field and is killed in the explosion. This angers Omar, who berates the others and leaves. Faisal's head is found, tipping off the authorities, and Omar visits the others to tell them. They reconcile, and Omar decides to target the upcoming London Marathon due to having access to mascot costumes, which they use to conceal the bombs. Meanwhile, armed police raid Omar's brother's house. The group drives to London in their costumes to prepare for the attack. Waj expresses doubts about the morality of their plot, but Omar convinces him to go through with it. A police officer approaches the group but is satisfied and leaves after a brief conversation. Hassan loses his nerve and tries to alert the officer but is killed when Barry detonates his bomb remotely. The remaining three panic and run away, and the police search for them. Omar has a change of heart, feeling guilt about manipulating the easily led Waj into dying for a cause he does not understand and attempts to prevent the attack. Two police snipers receive Omar's description, and one of them shoots at him as he tries to blend in with the runners but mistakenly kills a bystander in a Wookiee costume instead. Waj is cornered by police in a kebab shop and takes the staff hostage. Omar contacts Waj from his mobile phone and convinces him to let all but one of the hostages go. Barry finds Omar during the phone call, snatches the phone, and swallows the SIM card. However, as Barry begins to choke, a well-meaning passer-by attempts to perform the Heimlich manoeuvre, forcing Omar to flee before Barry's bombs are inadvertently detonated. Omar hurries to a nearby mobile phone store to buy a new SIM card to contact Waj but leaves empty-handed due to the frustratingly slow employees and convoluted signup process. He spots a colleague (Craig Parkinson) and borrows his phone. He attempts to talk Waj down, but his call is interrupted when the police charge in and kill the remaining hostage, whom they mistake for Waj. Confused, Waj detonates his bomb, killing everyone in the kebab shop. Distraught, Omar walks into a nearby Boots pharmacy and detonates his bomb. In an epilogue, it is revealed that the police later arrested Omar's innocent brother as a terrorist; that they deflect responsibility for shooting the hostage and bystander; and that Omar unknowingly killed Osama bin Laden when misfiring his rocket in Pakistan.