Yes Man_2008
<script>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. RUDY'S - NIGHT</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>It 's New Year 's Eve at Rudy 's , a hole - in - the - wall dive . People stream into the bar to celebrate . Outside , CARL KENDALL -LRB- 30s -RRB- and his soon - to - be ex - girlfriend KATH are having a quiet intense discussion .</scene_description>
    <character>KATH</character>
    <dialogue>You do n't do anything more. You used to be fun. Now you hardly ever even leave your apartment.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I'm here, are n't I?</dialogue>
    <character>KATH</character>
    <dialogue>That's because it's New Year's Eve. You have to be here. Besides, it's not only social stuff. You used to have dreams. You wanted to go to business school, you wanted to work for the World Bank.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>So I discovered b - school's not for me. People grow.</dialogue>
    <character>KATH</character>
    <dialogue>Growing is `` X is not for me so I'll do Y.'' You went X is not for me and so I guess I'll sit on the couch for the rest of my life.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( ACQUIESCING . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Well, look, this sucks, but I understand where you're coming from.</dialogue>
    <character>KATH</character>
    <dialogue>This is the problem. You do n't even care that I'm breaking up with you.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Of course I care. But I also understand.</dialogue>
    <character>KATH</character>
    <dialogue>You should n't just understand. You should be mad. Or upset. Or sad. Or something.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>We're at different places in our lives. I get it.</dialogue>
    <character>KATH</character>
    <dialogue>Your girlfriend of two years breaks up with you right before New Year's Eve and all you can say is `` I get it?'' It is completely within your right to call me a bitch.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>That would be inappropriate.</dialogue>
    <character>KATH</character>
    <parenthetical>( tearing up . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>I ca n't believe I've been dating someone so emotionless.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>C'mere. It'll be OK.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl hugs her .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. RUDY'S - MOMENTS LATER</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Rudy 's is a dive bar . Dartboard , pool table , scuffed wooden floors , Miller Lite sign , etc. . The patrons are all FACING THE GIANT TELEVISION . The New Year 's Ball is DROPPING . Among the patrons is our hero Carl , his best friend PETER , Peter 's girlfriend LUCY , their party friend ROONEY and his ex - girlfriend , Kath who 's still a little red - eyed .</scene_description>
    <character>PATRONS</character>
    <dialogue>Three, two, one. happy New Year!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Everyone BLOWS NOISEMAKERS and POPS CHAMPAGNE .</scene_description>
    <character>PATRONS</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>( SINGING . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Should auld acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind? Should auld acquaintance be forgot and days of auld lang syne?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Well, that was fantastic. Good night, guys.</dialogue>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>You're going, already?</dialogue>
    <character>KATH</character>
    <dialogue>We have n't even finished the song yet.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I saw the ball drop and hugged all of you. Aliens did n't invade. Our computers are still working. What else could possibly happen?</dialogue>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>Rooney might throw up.</dialogue>
    <character>ROONEY</character>
    <dialogue>It's true. I'm very close.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I see that happen like every night. Good night and Happy New Year.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl leaves . His friends look concerned .</scene_description>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>How did he take the break - up?</dialogue>
    <character>KATH</character>
    <parenthetical>( CRYING . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Like a robot. Two years, and nothing.</dialogue>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>I'm so sorry.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. CARL'S APARTMENT - NIGHT</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl goes into his apartment . He lies down in his bed and closes his eyes . CLOSE ON THE ALARM . His alarm goes off . Carl HITS IT off . It 's now DAYTIME .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. CARL'S APARTMENT - DAY</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl gets dressed . He puts on a nametag for Southwest Bank .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. CARL'S APARTMENT</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl walks down the street , fast . He passes a CUTE GIRL who 's name we 'll learn is RENEE passing out flyers for a band called `` The Flying Buttresses . ''</scene_description>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>Wan na rock out tonight?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I do n't rock out.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>He walks into Dunkin Donuts .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. DUNKIN DONUTS</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>The Dunkin Donuts Cashier hands Carl his coffee .</scene_description>
    <character>DUNKIN DONUTS CASHIER</character>
    <dialogue>Would you like an Italian - inspired coffee flavoring?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>No thanks.</dialogue>
    <character>DUNKIN DONUTS CASHIER</character>
    <dialogue>How about the double doughnut special?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>No.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. SOUTHWEST BANK - LATER</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl sits at his cubicle , flips on his email .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( reading the email . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Dear Trusted Foreigner, Allow me to introduce myself. I am the deposed King of Nigeria and I wish to propose a confidential transaction.</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( to the computer . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Allow me to delete you, my liege.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>NORMAN , his needy boss , comes up to him .</scene_description>
    <character>NORMAN</character>
    <dialogue>My teller reporting for duty.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I'm not a soldier.</dialogue>
    <character>NORMAN</character>
    <dialogue>You're a soldier on the front line of finance.</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( THEN . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>So, Carl, I'm having a party this Friday. It's a funny hat party. May I entreat you to come?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl looks at his calendar . It 's totally empty .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( clearly lying . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>I'm out of town.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. SOUTHWEST BANK - LOBBY</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl stands in the middle of the floor staring into the middle distance . A CUSTOMER approaches him .</scene_description>
    <character>BANK CUSTOMER</character>
    <dialogue>Hey, I need to speak to a loan specialist and there's no one on the floor.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Sorry. Today I'm officially a greeter.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Beat .</scene_description>
    <character>BANK CUSTOMER</character>
    <dialogue>But there's no one around.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Someone might come. And if I'm not here, they wo n't be greeted.</dialogue>
    <character>BANK CUSTOMER</character>
    <dialogue>You're really not going to help me?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Until I'm relieved as a greeter, my hands are tied.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The Bank Customer sits down in the sectioned off waiting area as Carl stands in the middle of the floor . It is very awkward . No one comes in . Carl slowly moves so a column blocks the customer 's view of him . Now that Carl 's behind the column , he has a clear view of the entrance of the bank . Through the floor to ceiling windows , he sees the handsome NEW PRESIDENT OF SOUTHWEST BANK , CHRIS PARKER , tear up in a Mercedes . He steps out of the Mercedes with a hot girl on his arm . He and the girl walk into the bank . Carl stares at them , jealously .</scene_description>
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <dialogue>Hey, there. I'm Chris Parker. The new president of Southwest Bank. Just wanted to come by and personally introduce myself to every branch manager.</dialogue>
    <character>NORMAN</character>
    <dialogue>That would be me. Norman Calhoun.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Chris turns to Carl .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I'm Carl Kendall. Just a teller.</dialogue>
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <dialogue>I was `` just a teller.'' And now I'm `` just president of the largest bank in the Southwest.''</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( to Norman . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>You need anything, you let corporate know. You hear?</dialogue>
    <character>NORMAN</character>
    <dialogue>Definitely.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Chris Parker and his HOT SECRETARY leaves . Carl watches them , clearly jealous .</scene_description>
    <character>NORMAN</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Nice work if you can get it. Am I right?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( clearly jealous . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Yeah, if you're into fake breasts and German engineering.</dialogue>
    <character>NORMAN</character>
    <dialogue>Check and check.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The Bank Customer comes around .</scene_description>
    <character>BANK CUSTOMER</character>
    <dialogue>Can you help me now?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>No, but this gentleman can.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl indicates Norman . Norman goes to help the customer .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. SOUTHWEST BANK</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl stares up at the clock . The clock finally CLICKS TO 5:00 PM .</scene_description>
    <character>NORMAN</character>
    <dialogue>Think about my party, Carl!</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Will do!</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. CARL'S KITCHEN</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl microwaves a Lean Cuisine .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. CARL'S APARTMENT</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl watches Survivor while eating Lean Cuisine .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. CARL'S LIVING ROOM/BEDROOM</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl lays down and closes his eyes . The alarm GOES OFF again . PULL BACK to reveal it 's morning .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. DUNKIN DONUTS</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl walks into Dunkin Donuts .</scene_description>
    <character>DUNKIN DONUTS CASHIER</character>
    <dialogue>Would you like an Italian -</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>No thanks.</dialogue>
    <character>DUNKIN DONUTS CASHIER</character>
    <dialogue>How about -</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>No.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. STREET</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl ignores the girl handing out fliers .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. SOUTHWEST BANK</stage_direction>
    <character>NORMAN</character>
    <dialogue>Valentine party. Just wear something red!</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Ca n't.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. SOUTHWEST BANK</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl stares as the clock clicks to 5:00 . He 's out the door .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. CARL'S KITCHEN</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl warms up a frozen pizza .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. CARL'S APARTMENT</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl eats the frozen pizza and watches Big Brother .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. CARL'S LIVING ROOM/BEDROOM</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl lies down . The alarm FLIPS ON . - IN DUNKIN DONUTS</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>No.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>- ON THE STREET . Carl refuses the pamphlet . - IN SOUTHWEST BANK</scene_description>
    <character>NORMAN</character>
    <dialogue>Dress as your favorite animal -</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Sorry.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>- CLOSE ON THE CLOCK . IT FLIPS TO 5:00 . - AT HOME Carl eats frozen lasagna while watching The Amazing Race . - CARL IN DUNKIN DONUTS . - CARL AT SOUTHWEST BANK TALKING TO NORMAN .</scene_description>
    <character>NORMAN</character>
    <dialogue>- historical figure -</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>No can do.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>THE CLOCK FLIPPING TO 5:00 . - CARL AT HOME EATING FROZEN MEATLOAF AND WATCHING Project Runway . - CARL 'S HEAD HITTING HIS BED . - CARL WAKING UP . - CARL SHAKING HIS HEAD ` NO . ' - THE CLOCK FLIPPING TO 5:00 . - CARL 'S HEAD HITTING THE BED . - THE ALARM GOING OFF . It 's now just a blur of images of Carl at Southwest Bank , shaking his head ` no ' , eating Lean Cuisine and watching reality television .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. CARL'S LIVING ROOM/BEDROOM - NIGHT</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl 's lying on his bed . The phone is ringing . He gets up and answers .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Hello?</dialogue>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <parenthetical>( V.O . )</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>( on the phone . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Carl. It's Peter. Where are you?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I'm in bed. Why? What happened? Did someone die?</dialogue>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <parenthetical>( V.O . )</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>( on the phone . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>No. It's just - we're at Rudy's. Celebrating New Year's.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl looks at the alarm . It 's 11:15 PM .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>It's already 11:15. I do n't think I can make it.</dialogue>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>Oh, c'mon, Carl. No one's seen you for like forever. Please swing by?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>No.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>TITLES UP : THE YES MAN</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Tell everyone Happy New Year.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl lies down and hangs up the phone . CUT TO LATER Carl watches his alarm clock FLIP TO 12:00 AM . He closes his eyes and goes to sleep .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. SOUTHWEST BANK</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl 's eating lunch at a picnic table outside . Several bank employees smoke cigarettes near him . An oddly hyper guy named ALEX approaches Carl .</scene_description>
    <character>ALEX</character>
    <dialogue>Carl Kendall?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Alex Eberts? What's up, buddy?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Alex hugs Carl .</scene_description>
    <character>ALEX</character>
    <dialogue>Too much! How've you been? I ca n't believe you're still working here.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Where've you been? Norman's been heartbroken since you quit.</dialogue>
    <character>ALEX</character>
    <dialogue>Where've I been? You mean, where have n't I been? This year. Dude. I have lived. I climbed Mt. Kilmanjaro. I ate bat in Laos. I shot a cow with a bazooka. I'm not proud of that last one but I did it. How's the bank?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Same old same old.</dialogue>
    <character>ALEX</character>
    <dialogue>See? That's the problem. That's everyone's problem. You've got one life. Why waste it on the same old same old?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Alex hands Carl a pamphlet for a `` Just Say Yes '' seminar .</scene_description>
    <character>ALEX</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>I know this will sound queer, but you have to hit this seminar. It changed my life. It will change yours. Unless you like the bank.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>You kidding? Every day it's impossible not to throw rocks at the place.</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( JOKING . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Since you do n't work here anymore, you want to throw a couple?</dialogue>
    <character>ALEX</character>
    <dialogue>Yes.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Alex starts WHIPPING rocks at the bank .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>What're you doing! Stop that! I was kidding!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Norman comes out .</scene_description>
    <character>NORMAN</character>
    <dialogue>What do you think you're doing?</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( recognizing Alex. ) Alex Eberts !</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>Is this an alumnae prank ?</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>I love pranks !</parenthetical>
    <dialogue />
    <character>ALEX</character>
    <dialogue>Hey, Norman!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Alex continues throwing rocks at the bank .</scene_description>
    <character>NORMAN</character>
    <parenthetical>( into a walkie - talkie . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>We have a situation.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>A couple portly security guards come out and wrestle Alex to the ground . He manages to escape and run from the bank .</scene_description>
    <character>ALEX</character>
    <dialogue>Go to the seminar, Carl! You wo n't be sorry!</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. CARL'S APARTMENT</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl walks into his apartment . He hits PLAY on his answering machine .</scene_description>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <parenthetical>( V.O . )</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>( over the answering MACHINE . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Carl, it's Peter. I know you do n't do things anymore, but it'd mean a lot if you'd come by Rudy's tonight. Lucy and I are celebrating our engagement.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. CARL'S APARTMENT - LATER</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl 's watching Hell 's Kitchen and eating a frozen pizza . There 's a knock on the door . The `` Just Say Yes '' pamphlet balled up on his desk . He 's using it as a napkin . Carl PAUSES the television show . He stands up and opens the door . Peter STUMBLES IN .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>What are you doing here?</dialogue>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>This is an intervention. You've missed your last event.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>What're you talking about?</dialogue>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>Our engagement party.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I'm sorry. I'm just really busy.</dialogue>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>You're watching Hell's Kitchen. That's not even B - list reality TV.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>So I do n't want to go out tonight. Maybe I have to wake up early tomorrow. You do n't know.</dialogue>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>It's bigger than that. You and Kath broke up over a year ago and you still are n't dating anyone.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>What? So? I'm like a sexual camel. I only need it once every couple years.</dialogue>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>I do n't mean to be harsh but everyone's moving forward. It's like you're still wearing a Timex while the rest of us each have entry level Rolexes.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>You wear a Rolex?</dialogue>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>Thanks for noticing. It's an Oyster Perpetual Yachtmaster. Sapphire crystal, self - winding. Four Gs. But that's not the point I'm trying to make.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>So I do n't have an oyster watch. All you and Lucy and Kath do is sit around and talk about real estate and Crate and Barrel.</dialogue>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>What's wrong with Crate and Barrel? They have adorable stuff at reasonable prices.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Forget Crate and Barrel. Maybe I'm just getting more mature. I do n't need the lifestyle ever night.</dialogue>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>Lifestyle? You have to have a life to have a style of life. You never leave your apartment. You never meet anyone new.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I hate meeting people.</dialogue>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>You've become a complete cave dweller.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I am not a cave dweller. Just the other day, we all went to Summerfest and snuck backstage and you bet me I would n't steal something and so I stole a drumstick from that horrible Swedish hillbilly band. That's not very cave dweller of me.</dialogue>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>Just the other day? That was seven years ago.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>But that's not possible - I was already working at the bank by then.</dialogue>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>You had started there three years earlier. Why you've worked at that place for so long is beyond me. You had so much potential. You should n't be a teller. You should be the guy who tells the guy who tells the teller what to do.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( SHOCKED . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>I've been a teller at Southwest Bank for ten years? How the hell did that happen?</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( doing the math . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Ten years. if I had had a child, he'd be toilet - trained by now.</dialogue>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>Actually, he'd be in fourth grade.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( starting to panic . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>I was making out with chicks by fourth grade. I was a little man by fourth grade.</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( THEN . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Whatever. I do n't need this shit right now. I'm an adult man. I can live my life as I see fit. Can you please leave?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl pushes Peter out the door . Carl sits down on the couch . He then unballs the `` Just Say Yes '' pamphlet . It features an Indian man smiling beatifically .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. HOLIDAY INN CONFERENCE ROOM</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>A banner across a stage that has a photo of the same Indian man smiling beatifically . We PAN DOWN to find Carl among the crowd . Carl sits down next to a WIRY , CRUNCHY WOMAN .</scene_description>
    <character>WIRY, CRUNCHY WOMAN</character>
    <dialogue>Is this your first time at one of Sanji's lectures?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( SCOFFING . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Uh, yeah.</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( THEN . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Have you been to this before?</dialogue>
    <character>WIRY, CRUNCHY WOMAN</character>
    <dialogue>Only like fifty - eight times. Sanji's a genius. Like seriously. he will blow your mind all over the goddamn room. He's like a mind grenade.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I do n't know if I want that.</dialogue>
    <character>WIRY, CRUNCHY WOMAN</character>
    <dialogue>Oh you do not. But you need it. And that's why you are here.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Cool. Do you want anything from the refreshment area?</dialogue>
    <character>WIRY, CRUNCHY WOMAN</character>
    <dialogue>You kidding? That processed shit will kill you faster than a pleasure cruise to Chernobyl.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl heads over to the refreshment table . Once he 's out of her sight , he sits down alone in a corner of the conference room . Ethereal music begins to play over the loudspeakers . People begin to sit . Carl sits down in the back .</scene_description>
    <character>SANJI</character>
    <parenthetical>( V.O . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Life. We are all living it.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl laughs . No one else does . The lights get rosier .</scene_description>
    <character>SANJI</character>
    <parenthetical>( V.O. ; cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Or are we? Change does n't start on the surface. It's generated from consciousness. But where is consciousness generated from?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl looks around . Everyone is nodding along with it .</scene_description>
    <character>SANJI</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>From the external. And the external is manipulated through our choices. And our choices start with one word.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The music ABRUPTLY SWITCHES to the opening beats of `` Jump '' by the Pointer Sisters . The rosy colored lights FLIP TO BRIGHT WHITE and SWEEP ACROSS THE CONVENTION CENTER ROOM . It is suddenly like a rock concert . SANJI -LRB- 50s -RRB- BUSTS THROUGH THE GIANT BANNER . The whole crowd starts CHEERING .</scene_description>
    <character>SANJI</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Yes!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Instead of `` Jump '' , Sanji 's yelling `` Yes ! ''</scene_description>
    <character>SANJI</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Say yes! For your life! Yes! Change starts now! Yes! Yes! Yes! Say it with me! SAY YES!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Sanji pumps his fist in the air as lame indoor fireworks GO OFF . The crowd JUMPS ON THEIR FEET .</scene_description>
    <character>SANJI</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Are you ready to open the door to yes?</dialogue>
    <character>CROWD</character>
    <dialogue>Yes!</dialogue>
    <character>SANJI</character>
    <dialogue>I am sorry, my friends. But I can not hear you?</dialogue>
    <character>CROWD</character>
    <dialogue>Yes!</dialogue>
    <character>SANJI</character>
    <dialogue>Shhhhhhh.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The crowd quiets .</scene_description>
    <character>SANJI</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Now is the time when we must greet our new members. Who here is new? Please, do not be shy.</dialogue>
    <character>WIRY, CRUNCHY WOMAN</character>
    <dialogue>He is!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The woman POINTS AT Carl . The spotlight SWINGS OVER to Carl . He is annoyed .</scene_description>
    <character>SANJI</character>
    <dialogue>Come on up, Future Yes Man!</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>That's OK. I'm just auditing.</dialogue>
    <character>SANJI</character>
    <dialogue>You ca n't audit life! Now get on up here!</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I'm cool right here.</dialogue>
    <character>SANJI</character>
    <dialogue>Then I will come to you!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Sanji runs off the stage and joins Carl in the back of the conference hall . The spotlights follow him .</scene_description>
    <character>SANJI</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>What is your name?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Carl.</dialogue>
    <character>SANJI</character>
    <dialogue>Let me guess, Carl. This was not your idea to come here, Carl.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I would n't say that.</dialogue>
    <character>SANJI</character>
    <dialogue>You can tell me, Carl. We are all alone, Carl.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The crowd laughs .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>It was n't exactly my idea.</dialogue>
    <character>SANJI</character>
    <dialogue>That's what I thought, Carl. And you think this is all bullshit, Carl, is n't that right, Carl?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Honestly?</dialogue>
    <character>SANJI</character>
    <dialogue>Is there any other way?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>This whole thing seems retarded.</dialogue>
    <character>SANJI</character>
    <dialogue>But you are stuck in your life, Carl? Am I right?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I would n't necessarily -</dialogue>
    <character>SANJI</character>
    <dialogue>You once had a dream? You wanted to own a boat? A house? A fancy car? You wanted to a doctor, a lawyer. a business man?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl nods , surprised at Sanji 's incisiveness .</scene_description>
    <character>SANJI</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>You wanted to be more than you are. And yet you have suddenly woken up to find life is passing you by. Am I right, Carl?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Sanji 's suddenly getting to Carl . As Sanji talks to him , the moment between them becomes more and more intimate . It should feel like the rest of the crowd has disappeared .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>A little.</dialogue>
    <character>SANJI</character>
    <dialogue>It's odd that ten years can pass just like that.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Sanji snaps .</scene_description>
    <character>SANJI</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Is n't it, Carl?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>It is.</dialogue>
    <character>SANJI</character>
    <dialogue>I want you to do something for me, Carl. Tomorrow, I want you only to say yes. Can you do that for me? For one day, Carl?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I'm not sure -</dialogue>
    <character>SANJI</character>
    <dialogue>Please, Carl. Do it for me and you will be doing it for yourself. If you do n't have the best day in ten years then I am the uncle of a monkey. Will you do it for me Carl? Just for a day?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Yes?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Sanji grabs Carl hand and PULLS HIM to his feet . We PULL BACK and the crowd CHEERS .</scene_description>
    <character>SANJI</character>
    <dialogue>Welcome to the world of yes!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Fireworks and confetti go off . The Wiry , Anxious Woman Gives Carl a creepy thumbs up .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. CARL'S APARTMENT - MORNING</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl 's asleep . The phone starts ringing . Carl sleepily grabs the phone .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Yello.</dialogue>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <parenthetical>( V.O . )</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>( on the phone . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Carl, it's Peter. I just wanted to apologize about barging in yesterday. You were right. It's your life to live.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Do n't worry about it.</dialogue>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <parenthetical>( V.O . )</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>( on the phone . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Me, Lucy and Kath are all going out for brunch. You have any interest in joining?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Oh, thanks for the invite, but.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>FLASH OF SANJI LOOMING LARGE IN CARL 'S EYES .</scene_description>
    <character>SANJI</character>
    <dialogue>Will you do it for me Carl? Just for a day?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>BACK TO CARL AND PETER . We CLOSE IN ON CARL 'S MOUTH .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( in slo - mo. ) Yes .</parenthetical>
    <dialogue />
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>Excuse me?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( clearly not wanting to . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Yes. I will come to brunch.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. STACKERS - MORNING</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Stackers is a cutesie brunch place . Carl walks up to Peter , Lucy and Kath .</scene_description>
    <character>KATH</character>
    <parenthetical>( AWKWARD . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Morning, Carl. This is a surprise.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Why?</dialogue>
    <character>KATH</character>
    <dialogue>Because I've never seen you at brunch. Like ever.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>You kidding? I love brunch.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. STACKERS - LATER</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl , Peter , Lucy and Kath are still waiting with a big crowd of people to sit down for brunch .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Why do people wait an hour for breakfast? It's so hot and bright and we have n't even had coffee yet.</dialogue>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>If you do n't want to be here, you do n't have to be.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Of course I want to be here. I love waiting an hour for eggs. It's fun. Although I will point out that you have sunglasses which is probably making this wait a lot easier.</dialogue>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>Oakleys, polarized lenses, indestructible. Two fifty but worth every penny.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The Waitress comes up .</scene_description>
    <character>WAITRESS</character>
    <dialogue>Lowell, party of five.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>A group of four people get up to be seated .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>We were definitely before those Lowell people.</dialogue>
    <character>KATH</character>
    <dialogue>I hate when people jump ahead.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Why does no one ever say anything?</dialogue>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>If you want to be sitting so bad, why do n't you say something?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Yes. I will.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl walks up to the Waitress .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Excuse me, but we were here before those people.</dialogue>
    <character>WAITRESS</character>
    <dialogue>No you were n't.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Yes, we were.</dialogue>
    <character>WAITRESS</character>
    <dialogue>I have the list, dude. The list does n't lie.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Meanwhile , the customers the Waitress was going to seat are looking away , trying not to get involved .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Well, this time the list lied.</dialogue>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>It's OK, Carl. It's just brunch.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( to the people who are being seated . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>You all know that we were up before you! And you have to live with that knowledge through your delightful brunch!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Peter pulls Carl away from the Waitress .</scene_description>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>What's going on with you?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I just want transparency in terms of the brunch seating order.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>One of the customers who was being seated heads over .</scene_description>
    <character>KATH</character>
    <dialogue>Great. Now we're going to get into a fight.</dialogue>
    <character>BRUNCH DUDE</character>
    <dialogue>We talked about what you said. you're right. You guys were here before us. Sorry we did n't pipe up sooner. We cool, brother?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( SURPRISED . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Yeah. We cool.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl and the Brunch Dude punch fists and hug .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. STACKERS - LATER</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl and his friends are sitting at a table . Carl 's slightly bored as his friends discuss real estate .</scene_description>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>It's a two bedroom duplex with harbor views. It'd be perfect for you Kath.</dialogue>
    <character>KATH</character>
    <dialogue>Washer/Dryer in the building?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( JEALOUS . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>I did n't realize you were looking to buy a place. I thought you and I would be renters to the end.</dialogue>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>She's a fancy lawyer making bank. It's about time she was buying.</dialogue>
    <character>KATH</character>
    <parenthetical>( PLAYFUL . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Shut up.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The Brunch Dude is seated near Carl . He gives him a thumbs up . Carl gives a thumbs up right back .</scene_description>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <parenthetical>( re : the menus . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>What're you looking at?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Bacon and eggs.</dialogue>
    <character>KATH</character>
    <dialogue>How unadventurous.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I do n't want an adventure first thing in the morning.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The Waitress comes over .</scene_description>
    <character>WAITRESS</character>
    <dialogue>I just want to tell you about my specials. We have a double fruit burnt sugar waffle. Any of you interested in that?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Beat .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Yes.</dialogue>
    <character>WAITRESS</character>
    <dialogue>Alrighty. Then, on the savory side, we have a smoked whitefish omelet with hash browns on the side. Any takers?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Beat .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Yes.</dialogue>
    <character>WAITRESS</character>
    <parenthetical>( SURPRISED . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>You want both?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Yes.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The Waitress writes that down .</scene_description>
    <character>WAITRESS</character>
    <dialogue>Would you like toast with that?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Yes.</dialogue>
    <character>WAITRESS</character>
    <dialogue>Any side? Bacon.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Yes.</dialogue>
    <character>WAITRESS</character>
    <dialogue>Sausage.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Yes.</dialogue>
    <character>WAITRESS</character>
    <dialogue>Turkey sausage?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Yes.</dialogue>
    <character>WAITRESS</character>
    <dialogue>A side of our famous maple pancakes -</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Yes.</dialogue>
    <character>WAITRESS</character>
    <dialogue>Wow. Someone's really hungry.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Yes.</dialogue>
    <character>WAITRESS</character>
    <dialogue>Coffee or juice?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Coffee. And juice.</dialogue>
    <character>WAITRESS</character>
    <dialogue>We also have smoothies?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Yes.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl 's friends look at him like a freak .</scene_description>
    <character>WAITRESS</character>
    <dialogue>Is that all?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( RELIEVED . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Yes.</dialogue>
    <character>WAITRESS</character>
    <parenthetical>( turning towards his FRIENDS . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>What would you all like to order?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>His friends are all looking at Carl .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. STACKERS</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl has six dishes in front of him . The Waitress comes over with a pepper mill .</scene_description>
    <character>WAITRESS</character>
    <dialogue>Would you like some pepper?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Yes.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The Waitress starts grinding pepper onto Carl 's meal . It 's starting to take a long time . She 's grinding and grinding and grinding .</scene_description>
    <character>WAITRESS</character>
    <dialogue>Would you like more?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Yes.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>She keeps grinding . A pile of pepper 's growing on his food .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. STACKERS - LATER</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>All of Carl 's food is covered piles of pepper .</scene_description>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>I do n't think I've ever seen a waiter tap one of those pepper mills.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I'm just addicted to the stuff. Chinese cultures say it's good for digestion.</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( THEN . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>You're all welcome to have some.</dialogue>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>That's. OK. Do you want a bite of mine?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( BEGRUDGINGLY . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Yes.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl takes a bite of Lucy 's . He then sips his coffee .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Uch. Brunch coffee. Why ca n't they make it black without all this frothy shit?</dialogue>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>Because you ordered a latte.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl 's phone rings . He answers it .</scene_description>
    <character>NORMAN</character>
    <parenthetical>( O.S . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Hey, Carl. We're a little short on our Saturday staff. I know this is going against ten years of precedent, but you have any interest in coming in today?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I do n't think. there's any reason why I should n't? On a Saturday there's nothing I like more than the inside of a bank.</dialogue>
    <character>NORMAN</character>
    <parenthetical>( O.S . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>There really is something magical about this place.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. DUNKIN DONUTS</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl walks into Dunkin Donuts .</scene_description>
    <character>DUNKIN DONUTS CASHIER</character>
    <dialogue>Would you like an Italian - inspired coffee flavoring?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Beat .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Yes.</dialogue>
    <character>DUNKIN DONUTS CASHIER</character>
    <dialogue>Sugar, Splenda or Nutrasweet?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>All of them please.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The confused Dunkin Donuts cashier loads up Carl 's coffee .</scene_description>
    <character>DUNKIN DONUTS CASHIER</character>
    <dialogue>We're having a special on Munchkins?</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. STREET</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl walks out of Dunkin Donuts , carrying a giant coffee and several boxes of Munchkins . He walks by Renee , the cute girl who hands out band fliers .</scene_description>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>Want a flier? Oh, it's you. Never mind.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Of course I'll take a flier.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl takes a flier . Renee 's surprised Carl 's taking a flier .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>( READING . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>The Flying Buttresses.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>I knew after a year and a half of wearing you down, you'd give in. I'm Renee by the way.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Renee holds out her hand .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Carl.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>Carl. Cool. I like to thank everyone personally who comes to our performances. It gives it a nice intimate touch. See you soon Carl.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl turns away , nervous that he 's accepted her invitation . He takes a sip of his giant coffee and grimaces .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. SOUTHWEST BANK</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl STUMBLES INTO work , hyper from the giant coffee .</scene_description>
    <character>NORMAN</character>
    <dialogue>Morning, Carl. Thanks for coming in and being part of the Saturday banking experience. Oooh, Munchkins. Are those for the office, you dirty devil?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah. I just though it would be a fun way to lighten things up.</dialogue>
    <character>NORMAN</character>
    <parenthetical>( deadly serious . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>You did n't approve this with petty cash.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I spent my own money on them.</dialogue>
    <character>NORMAN</character>
    <dialogue>Kidding! Munchkins are always approved. Although, I ca n't reimburse you.</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( over the intercom . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Today is free Munchkin day. That's right! Free Munchkin day!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Instantly Carl 's cubicle is surrounded by fellow workers .</scene_description>
    <character>BANK EMPLOYEES</character>
    <dialogue>Carl rules. / You're the best. / Finally I have a reason to live today.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. SOUTHWEST BANK LOUNGE</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl 's greeting . A MIDDLE - AGED MOTHERLY CUSTOMER comes in .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>How may I help you?</dialogue>
    <character>BANK CUSTOMER</character>
    <dialogue>I need to speak to a loan specialist.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Beat .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>While loans are n't normally in my jurisdiction, I'd be happy to help you.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. SOUTHWEST BANK - LOAN DESK</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl 's trying to keep up as the customer launches into intense finance - speak .</scene_description>
    <character>BANK CUSTOMER</character>
    <dialogue>I want to refi my house and spend the capital on my personal business. I see you've got a 5.25 7 year ARM, but over at Chase they're offering 5.00 7 year ARM. Can you refi lower, like at 4.85 par example, or am I going to have to bring my beeswax elsewhere?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Yes.</dialogue>
    <character>BANK CUSTOMER</character>
    <dialogue>Yes? That's it?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Yup. What's your business?</dialogue>
    <character>BANK CUSTOMER</character>
    <dialogue>Selling beanie babies online.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Adorable.</dialogue>
    <character>BANK CUSTOMER</character>
    <dialogue>More like highly profitable. I've crunched the numbers.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The woman hands over a scrapbook that 's been decorated with construction paper and pictures of beanie babies . Carl opens the scrapbook . It 's filled with numbers .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Let me just get final approval on this.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl gets up and walks over to Norman . ANGLE ON NORMAN 'S OFFICE Carl stands before Norman .</scene_description>
    <character>NORMAN</character>
    <dialogue>You're a teller, not a loan specialist.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>No, I know, so if you think this is a bad idea for a loan that's fine but can you please tell her yourself?</dialogue>
    <character>NORMAN</character>
    <dialogue>What's this?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Her business plan.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Norman grabs the business plan and starts reading it .</scene_description>
    <character>NORMAN</character>
    <dialogue>Inta - maresting. My grandma loves beanie babies. Although unfortunately, we have a minimum loan floor of ten thousand dollars. She only wants five.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>That's silly. How're you supposed to start a tiny business if you ca n't get a tiny business loan?</dialogue>
    <character>NORMAN</character>
    <dialogue>I do n't make the rules, I just break ` em.</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( THEN . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>I do n't break them. I just wanted to rhyme. If she wants us to loan her ten thousand or more, great. Otherwise, I think her only option is a loan shark.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>ANGLE ON LOAN DESK Carl sits back down .</scene_description>
    <character>BANK CUSTOMER</character>
    <parenthetical>( NERVOUS . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>So, what'd he say?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Do you maybe have any interest in borrowing ten thousand?</dialogue>
    <character>BANK CUSTOMER</character>
    <dialogue>I ca n't afford the payments on ten. You ca n't do five thousand? This is the fifth bank I've been to. Please?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Of course we can. One moment please.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl gets up . He heads over to the soda machine and buys a Diet Coke . He then heads over to Norman 's desk .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Diet Coke?</dialogue>
    <character>NORMAN</character>
    <dialogue>Oooh, thank you. Feed the addiction, am I right?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>They clink Diet Cokes . Norman DOWNS his entire Diet Coke in one swallow . Carl then heads over to the photocopier . He watches Norman out of the corner of his eye . After a couple minutes , Norman gets up and HEADS INTO THE BATHROOM . Carl heads back over to Norman 's desk and SWIPES THE LOAN APPROVAL STAMP . ANGLE ON THE LOAN DESK Carl returns to the loan desk and STAMPS HER FORM .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>It's approved.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The Bank Customer HUGS Carl .</scene_description>
    <character>BANK CUSTOMER</character>
    <dialogue>Thank you so much! I promise I wo n't let you down, Mr. Kendall. On me.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The Bank Customer hands Carl a panda beanie baby .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Thanks, Marge. We do n't like to make other customers jealous so can we keep this between you and I?</dialogue>
    <character>BANK CUSTOMER</character>
    <dialogue>Of course. Are n't you just a dear?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The Bank Customer leaves . Carl ca n't help but be touched .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. SOUTHWEST BANK - LOAN DESK</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl 's at the loan desk . Norman comes over , looking grave .</scene_description>
    <character>NORMAN</character>
    <dialogue>Carl, could I see you for a moment?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl nervously walks into his office .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. NORMAN'S OFFICE</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl nervously sits before Norman .</scene_description>
    <character>NORMAN</character>
    <dialogue>Earlier today, you showed some initiative. And I loved it. What do you say to a permanent spot at the loan desk?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>That seems like a lot of responsibility.</dialogue>
    <character>NORMAN</character>
    <dialogue>We need a loan specialist a lot more than we need a teller and greeter. Besides, you'd have a starting salary of 52.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Grand?</dialogue>
    <character>NORMAN</character>
    <dialogue>No, dollars. What is this Darfur?</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( waving to an African - American employee . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Sorry, Patricia, that was inappropriate.</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( then , back to Carl . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Of course grand. To celebrate, next Saturday, I'm throwing a party. Dress up as your favorite character from Heroes.</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( WHISPERING . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Save the cheerleader, save the world.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Next Saturday. sounds great.</dialogue>
    <character>NORMAN</character>
    <dialogue>Do n't dress as Hiro. I got dibs.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Would n't think of it.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl heads back to the loan desk , happy about his promotion .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. RUDY'S</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl walks in the door . Peter , Lucy and Rooney , who 's clearly been there for a little while , comes up to him .</scene_description>
    <character>ROONEY</character>
    <dialogue>Carl Kendall? Out in the world? Are you some kind of ghost? Am I having a religious vision?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Believe it. Because this guy just got a promotion.</dialogue>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>Congrats, Carl!</dialogue>
    <character>ROONEY</character>
    <dialogue>Well let's get you a beer. You want a 20 ouncer? I'm just joking -</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Yes.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Rooney looks at Peter and Lucy .</scene_description>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>A normal - sized beer is fine with me.</dialogue>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>I think I'm done actually.</dialogue>
    <character>ROONEY</character>
    <dialogue>Two twenty ouncers and one tiny, little beer, barkeep.</dialogue>
    <character>BARTENDER</character>
    <dialogue>Please do n't call me that. We're not in the middle ages.</dialogue>
    <character>ROONEY</character>
    <parenthetical>( to Carl . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>I ca n't believe you're out here. I'm giddy. I feel like a child whose best friend has strict Chinese parents who never let him come out and play but now his Chinese parents are away for the Chinese New Year. You have any interest in pounding this shit?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Why not?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Rooney picks up his beer and begins pounding the twenty ouncer . Carl reluctantly pounds it as well . Rooney slams his on the table . Carl puts it on the table .</scene_description>
    <character>ROONEY</character>
    <dialogue>What do you say we have another?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Yes.</dialogue>
    <character>ROONEY</character>
    <dialogue>You are a beast!</dialogue>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>Well, it's been fun watching you guys recreate freshman year, but Peter and I have some furniture errands to run.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl 's a little drunk now .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Have a good day yuppifying your lives.</dialogue>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>We need a sofa, Carl. We're not buying a second home.</dialogue>
    <character>ROONEY</character>
    <dialogue>Whatever, yuppy sellouts.</dialogue>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>It was good seeing you. You should come out more often.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( kind of pleading . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Please do n't leave me here with him.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Peter and Lucy laugh , not realizing that Carl is serious . They leave .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. RUDY'S - NIGHT</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl and Rooney are really drunk .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I have not been this drunk in years! The room is spinning in a bad way!</dialogue>
    <character>ROONEY</character>
    <dialogue>Barkeep! Two more double pints s ` il vous plait!</dialogue>
    <character>BARTENDER</character>
    <dialogue>That was the last ` barkeep.' I am cutting you off.</dialogue>
    <character>ROONEY</character>
    <dialogue>Well fortunately you're not the only game in town! Let's go to some place with class.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. SENOR FROG'S - NIGHT</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Rooney and Carl are in a Senor Frogs .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Where's the class?</dialogue>
    <character>ROONEY</character>
    <dialogue>They wear uniforms here.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>A SENOR FROG 'S WAITRESS comes over .</scene_description>
    <character>SENOR FROG'S WAITRESS</character>
    <dialogue>Jello shot?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Yes.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl and Rooney do jello shots . - Carl and Rooney downing more jello shots . - Carl and Rooney drinking beers . - Carl and Rooney are drunkenly staring at a nearby group of girls .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>That girl is hot. Or at least she seems hot. I'm kind of too drunk to tell. Right now, honestly, you seem hot.</dialogue>
    <character>ROONEY</character>
    <dialogue>I am hot.</dialogue>
    <character>SENOR FROG'S WAITRESS</character>
    <dialogue>Another jello shot?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Yes.</dialogue>
    <character>ROONEY</character>
    <dialogue>I think I'm done.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl downs the jello shot . He stumbles a little .</scene_description>
    <character>SENOR FROG'S DJ</character>
    <dialogue>Senor Frog's famous karoake contest is starting now! Sign up and sweep us off our feet!</dialogue>
    <character>ROONEY</character>
    <dialogue>You got ta do karoake.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl STUMBLES over to the Senor Frog 's DJ . He 's losing control and he likes it .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Sign me up, bitch.</dialogue>
    <character>SENOR FROG'S DJ</character>
    <dialogue>We've got our first victim. I mean, singer.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>MUSIC CUE : The opening notes of White Town 's `` Your Woman '' Carl grabs the microphone and heads out into the crowd . -LRB- NOTE TO READER : As you read this part , I recommend listening to White Town 's `` Your Woman . '' It will bring it to life in a way that words on a page can not do it justice . -RRB-</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( singing/talking with an odd English accent . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Just tell me what you've got to say to me, I've been waiting for so long to hear the truth, It comes as no surprise at all you see, So cut the crap and tell me that we're through. Now I know your heart, I know your mind, You do n't even know you're being unkind, So much for all your highbrow Marxist ways, Just use me up and then you walk away, Boy you ca n't play me that way.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl heads over to the HOT GIRL and begins SERENADING HER . She thinks it 's kind of funny .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Well I guess what you say is true, I could never be the right kind of girl for you, I could never be your woman.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl gets really close to the Hot Girl 's face and then COYLY pulls away for the bridge of the song . During the awesome bridge , Carl does some fantastic dance moves . Or rather , moves that you think are fantastic when you 're drunk out of your mind . The Hot Girl laughs at his antics .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Well I guess what they say is true, I could never spend my life with a man like you, I could never be your woman. I could never be your woman. I could never be your woman.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl lands on one knee in front of the Hot Girl . The crowd CHEERS FOR HIM . The Hot Girl 's LARGE BOYFRIEND gets up close to Carl . Everyone is very , very drunk .</scene_description>
    <character>BRUTISH BOYFRIEND</character>
    <dialogue>Were you just flirting with my girlfriend?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( re : the Hot Girl . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>It depends - is that your girlfriend?</dialogue>
    <character>BRUTISH BOYFRIEND</character>
    <dialogue>Yes.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Then yes.</dialogue>
    <character>HOT GIRL</character>
    <dialogue>Hey, c'mon. Be cool. He was just screwing around.</dialogue>
    <character>BRUTISH BOYFRIEND</character>
    <dialogue>Let me handle this, Crystal.</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( to Carl . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>So, you want to have sex with my girlfriend?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Yes, I do. Very much.</dialogue>
    <character>BRUTISH BOYFRIEND</character>
    <dialogue>Are you starting a fight?</dialogue>
    <character>ROONEY</character>
    <dialogue>C'mon, Carl, let's go -</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Yes, I am.</dialogue>
    <character>BRUTISH BOYFRIEND</character>
    <dialogue>Then bring it.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I will.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Beat . Carl does n't really know what to do so he slaps him across the face the way a woman would slap a man .</scene_description>
    <character>BRUTISH BOYFRIEND</character>
    <dialogue>What was that?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Me bringing it.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The Brutish Boyfriend PUNCHES Carl in the head .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>I'm too drunk to feel! I'm like Darkman!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl HEADBUTTS the guy . They get into a dirty , drunken tussle . Both of them are trying to hit the other one in the groin region . Bouncers DESCEND ON THEM and PULL THEM APART .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. SENOR FROG'S</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl and Rooney are outside . Carl 's nursing his wounds . They are very , very drunk .</scene_description>
    <character>ROONEY</character>
    <dialogue>You popped that guy! He did n't know what hit him.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>You do not cross Carl Kendall.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The Hot Girl STUMBLES out of Senor Frog 's .</scene_description>
    <character>HOT GIRL</character>
    <dialogue>Hey. I'm sorry about Domingo. He likes to think he's my boyfriend but he's not. You're cute.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The Hot Girl KISSES Carl .</scene_description>
    <character>HOT GIRL</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd ; CONT 'D . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Want to go some place private?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Yes.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. CARL'S APARTMENT - MORNING</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Light is streaming in through the window . Carl opens his eyes . He 's in bad shape . He looks over to see the Hot Girl finishing getting dressed .</scene_description>
    <character>HOT GIRL</character>
    <dialogue>My fiance called. He was like really sorry about last night. I have to go.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Your fiance?</dialogue>
    <character>HOT GIRL</character>
    <dialogue>Domingo. The guy who punched you in the face.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I thought you said you two were n't even dating?</dialogue>
    <character>HOT GIRL</character>
    <dialogue>We were broken up last night. It was fun hanging out.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The Hot Girl kisses Carl on the forehead .</scene_description>
    <character>HOT GIRL</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>I made some coffee. It's in the kitchen. Sorry for leading you on.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The Hot Girl LEAVES . Carl smiles . That was awesome .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. HOLIDAY INN CONFERENCE ROOM</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl runs to the conference room . The Just Say Yes seminar has been packed up .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. HOLIDAY INN LOBBY</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl walks up to the counter .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Hi. is there a Sanji Gupta staying here?</dialogue>
    <character>RECEPTIONIST</character>
    <dialogue>Room 125.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. HOLIDAY INN HALLWAY</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl walks down the hallway . He knocks on Room 125 . After a couple minutes of shuffling around , Sanji opens the door .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I'm Carl. The guy from yesterday.</dialogue>
    <character>SANJI</character>
    <dialogue>Of course, of course! Please come in!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl comes into Sanji 's hotel room .</scene_description>
    <character>SANJI</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Would you like a cup of coffee?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>No thanks. I just wanted to thank you for that inspiration.</dialogue>
    <character>SANJI</character>
    <dialogue>Fantastic. So how do you plan on continuing with your journey?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>You know, just living every day to it's fullest. And, like, learning to continue to experience life or whatever.</dialogue>
    <character>SANJI</character>
    <dialogue>Outstanding, Carl. Except for one THING :.</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( suddenly intense . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>You are completely bullshitting me!</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I just said I'm going to keep experiencing life. I thought you'd be happy.</dialogue>
    <character>SANJI</character>
    <dialogue>You're like a cigarette addict, Carl. Except you're addicted to boredom. On the way in here, Carl, I offered you a coffee and you refused. Perhaps that would have been the most delicious cup of coffee you would have ever had. Who's to say? Not you, Carl, because you said no! Anyone can quit smoking for a day. But for a lifetime? No.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>So what should I do?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Sanji PULLS OUT a contract .</scene_description>
    <character>SANJI</character>
    <dialogue>Behold, Carl, - the Maniyesto.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl takes the Maniyesto .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( reading the document . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>1. -RRB- Until New Year's Eve, I must say yes. 2. -RRB- The yes can not distort the truth.</dialogue>
    <character>SANJI</character>
    <parenthetical>( EXPLAINING . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>You can not say `` Yes, the world is flat'' because that is an untruth.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( reading the document . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>3. -RRB- If someone discovers you are a yes man, you do not have to say yes to them. 4. -RRB- To avoid yes, you can not avoid contact. Therefore, you must always answer your phone, the door, your postal mail, your email, etc and so on and so forth. 5. -RRB- You must choose a yesponsor to keep you on the straight and narrow.</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( to Sanji . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Who should that be?</dialogue>
    <character>SANJI</character>
    <dialogue>A close friend who will not tell a soul.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( reading the document . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>5. -RRB- I hereby void the `` do you want'' loophole.</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( to Sanji . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>What is that?</dialogue>
    <character>SANJI</character>
    <dialogue>If someone asks you `` do you want to go to the art museum'' and you do not want to, you may not use this lack of desire as an excuse to not go. And finally, a warning.</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( SPOOKILY . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>If you say ` no', even once, even for a cup of coffee, be prepared to lose every single little thing you've gained.</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( THEN . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>So what do you say, Carl?</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( WHISPERING . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>What do you say?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I say. yes.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl signs the Maniyesto .</scene_description>
    <character>SANJI</character>
    <dialogue>And here.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl signs again .</scene_description>
    <character>SANJI</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>And here.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl signs again .</scene_description>
    <character>SANJI</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>And initial here. And here.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Is this like a legal document?</dialogue>
    <character>SANJI</character>
    <dialogue>Kind of. And finally, my friend, please hold out your hand.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl holds out his hand . Sanji PULLS OUT an iron brand that 's been heating over a hot pot and BRANDS CARL 'S PALM .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>AHHHHHHHH!</dialogue>
    <character>SANJI</character>
    <dialogue>That should heal by New Year's. Until then, you are a Yes Man.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl looks at his palm . In the center of the palm , Sanji 's branded a ` YES . '</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. RUDY'S</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl is sitting across from Peter .</scene_description>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>For a whole year?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Yesterday I got promoted and beat up and hooked up with this chick and I have a massive headache today and I still might throw up, but I do n't care because it was the best time I've had in like forever. Not to mention finding out that, despite what you might think, smoked whitefish in an omelette is delicious, even if covered in a thick layer of pepper.</dialogue>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>But for a whole year?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>You do n't understand. I got promoted. Do you know how long I've been waiting for some kind of financial step forward? I said ` yes' and it arrived.</dialogue>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>Well, someone sounds like they're yuppifying their life.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Excuse me for wanting an appliance in my kitchen besides a hot pot.</dialogue>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>There's no way you can do this for a whole year.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>That's where you come in. You're my `` Yesponsor.''</dialogue>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>Yesponsor?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Like in AA. I need you to hold me to it.</dialogue>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>You are n't going to last for more than a week.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I look forward to proving you wrong.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Peter and Carl shake hands .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Nice suit. If I move up anymore at the bank, I might need a few.</dialogue>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>Cavalli. Silk and cotton blend. Seven fifty.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Lucy comes over and kisses Peter .</scene_description>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>My girlfriends are being such bitches. It's been two weeks and no one's offered to throw me a wedding shower.</dialogue>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>That's too bad. I'm sure someone will offer.</dialogue>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <parenthetical>( SARCASTIC . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Hey, you want to throw my wedding shower?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Peter turns to Carl , smiling .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( dreading it . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>I'd be happy to.</dialogue>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>I was kidding. Wedding showers are thrown by girls.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>That's sexist. Please. I insist.</dialogue>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>Thanks. That means a lot to me.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Lucy hugs Carl . Carl looks over Lucy 's shoulder at Peter and shakes his head . Rooney comes over .</scene_description>
    <character>ROONEY</character>
    <dialogue>That was some good times last night. You back for more?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Yes.</dialogue>
    <character>ROONEY</character>
    <dialogue>I've got no cash. You mind spotting me and my buddies?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Rooney points to FOUR BARFLIES sitting at the bar .</scene_description>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>Sorry, did n't bring my wallet.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Peter turns to Carl .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( BEGRUDGINGLY . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Yes.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl walks up to the bar . Peter 's snickering behind him .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>What kind of beer do you guys want?</dialogue>
    <character>ROONEY'S FRIENDS/ROONEY</character>
    <dialogue>As long as you're buying, I want a Grey Goose straight up. / Kir Royale/Whatever's in that dusty bottle back there that you never take down.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. CARL'S APARTMENT - MORNING</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl wakes up . He looks at the tattooed `` Yes '' on his hand .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. CARL'S APARTMENT</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl goes through a series of junk mail flyers for credit cards . He VERY CAREFULLY fills each one of them out .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. DUNKIN DONUTS</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl walks into Dunkin Donuts . Before the cashier can say anything .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Black coffee, large.</dialogue>
    <character>DUNKIN DONUTS CASHIER</character>
    <dialogue>Would you like.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( cutting her off . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>To have a wonderful day? I would.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl turns to see a giant poster with the words `` DO YOU WANT A MOCHA CARAMEL COOLATA ? '' Carl turns back to the cashier .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>( RESIGNED . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>And could I also have a Mocha Caramel Coolata.</dialogue>
    <character>DUNKIN DONUTS CASHIER</character>
    <dialogue>With whipped cream?</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. STREET</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl walks out of Dunkin Donuts , carrying a frozen coffee drink and several boxes of Munchkins . He walks by Renee and wordlessly takes a flier .</scene_description>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>Hey, give that back. You already took one.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>What's the hurt in taking another?</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>Destroys the Earth. Also, they cost me ten cents a copy. Besides, are you even going to come?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Of course. I could n't say ` no.'</dialogue>
    <scene_description>As he walks away .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Even if I wanted to.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>See you tonight, Carl!</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. SOUTHWEST BANK</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl sits at his cubicle , and flips on his email . In the background , we see various SUPER HAPPY EMPLOYEES eating the Dunkin Donuts that Carl has brought . We see on the screen another email from the King of Nigeria .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Dear deposed King of Nigeria. I would love to help you anyway I can with your confidential transaction. Please let me know what I can do. Yours, Carl Kendall.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>He checks the next email .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Would I like Viagra? Yes, I would.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl writes back to the Viagra . ANGLE ON THE SCREEN : The next email is from PERSIANWIFEFINDER.COM .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd ; CONT 'D . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Do I want a Persian wife? Perhaps I do.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl clicks onto the Persianwifefinder.com and starts uploading his profile . Norman walks by .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Norman, would you say I prefer Iranian, Pakistani, Bangladeshi or no preference?</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. SOUTHWEST BANK - LOAN DESK</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl 's reading his email when a HIGH SCHOOL GIRL sits down .</scene_description>
    <character>HIGH SCHOOL GIRL</character>
    <dialogue>You Carl Kendall?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah.</dialogue>
    <character>HIGH SCHOOL GIRL</character>
    <dialogue>I hear that you do small loans.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Where did you hear that?</dialogue>
    <character>HIGH SCHOOL GIRL</character>
    <dialogue>Marge. The lady my mom buys her beanie babies from.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I told her not to say anything.</dialogue>
    <character>HIGH SCHOOL GIRL</character>
    <dialogue>I only need five hundred bucks. I'm starting college next year and I need it for books. I ca n't afford them now but I can pay them off over the course of the year.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl looks to make sure Norman 's not around then he stamps her form .</scene_description>
    <character>HIGH SCHOOL GIRL</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Thank you so much, Mr. Kendall.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. STREET</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl walks down the street , taking fliers from anyone who passes them out . We do QUICK CUTS of him with various people as he walks down the street .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I might have some stuff to pawn. / I will definitely check out your gun selection. / I would like to learn Korean.</dialogue>
    <character>BERLITZ FLIER GUY</character>
    <dialogue>If you're interested, intro to Korean is starting right now.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. BERLITZ CLASS - DAY</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl 's sitting in a Korean class with several businessmen .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( in Korean , with SUBTITLES . )</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>( Hello , my name is Carl .</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>What is your name ? )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue />
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. THE NOTE BAR AND PERFORMANCE SPACE - NIGHT</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl stands at the back of a basically empty dive bar , nursing a beer . There 's a makeshift stage at the front of the bar . `` The Flying Buttresses '' are setting up their equipment , including a giant clear plastic harp . Renee steps up to the microphone .</scene_description>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>Hello Jake, Penelope, Carl and Rodrigo. We are the Flying Buttresses!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Their four audience members cheer . The drummer bangs his sticks together and the band launches in . They are terrible . Like really terrible . Renee sings in a high - pitched voice that she probably thinks sounds like Tori Amos , but sounds more like a dog whistle . If you 've heard the singer , Joanna Newsom , well that 's who she 's emulating .</scene_description>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>( SINGING . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Everyday, the unicorns they play/Among lingonberry fields/They silently bay/The king has no crown/Just a vest of grass/The queen loves the Jester/The Jester has the last laugh.</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( CHORUS . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>You are my minotaur/With your cloven hooves! / Half man, half horse/You are all boy to me</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl looks at the three other audience members . They are nodding along . Also , one of them is dressed like a Court Jester . CUT TO LATER Renee 's whisper singing .</scene_description>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>A witches cauldron/burns hot as hell/As her crooked hand/Brews a love spell.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>CUT TO LATER Renee 's singing a power ballad .</scene_description>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>I! Am! A! Fairy! / I! Like! To Fly!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The four people in the audience clap hard as she finishes . Renee takes a huge bow and motions to her fellow band mates . Carl , not knowing how to politely react to the horror show he just witnessed , claps along . Renee gets off the stage and walks over to the bar , right next to Carl .</scene_description>
    <character>BARTENDER</character>
    <dialogue>Nice, show Renee. One virgin mint soda coming right up.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>I do n't think I hit a high enough octave in Fairy Dream Song.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I disagree. I think you hit some pretty high octaves.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>But I can hit like way higher.</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( as she speaks her voice goes higher and higher . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Like check this out. I think this tone might be more appropriate for my water nymph song?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( speaking in a low voice . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>I do n't know - I've known some water nymphs with big balls.</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( no reaction . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>From the high level of testosterone.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>An awkward moment where Renee does n't react and Carl thinks he may have offended her . Suddenly she starts laughing spazzily hard . Carl smiles .</scene_description>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>I've got to write a song about that. I could call it.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>`` Big Balled Water Nymph''? It's a working title.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>I like it. I can work with that.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The drummer , a guy named LEEORE , shouts down to Renee from the stage .</scene_description>
    <character>LEEORE</character>
    <dialogue>Um, excuse me, but we have to clear the stage.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>I got ta clear.</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( JOKING . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Unless of course, you want to help?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Sure. I love clearing stages.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl helps a surprised Renee clear the stage .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. THE NOTE BAR AND GRILL</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl has helped Renee fit the giant harp into the back of her ancient Volvo .</scene_description>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>Well, thanks for coming, Carl. I must bid good night.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>So early? It's only 8:00?</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>I lead a jogging, photo group for people who want to both exercise and practice photography.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>You're a photographer too?</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>Amateur, but yeah. I show every Friday. If you want to do some artistic calisthenics join us tomorrow.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>What time do you leave?</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>Five. So we can see the sunrise.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Wow. I have n't seen the sunrise maybe ever.</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( RESIGNED . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>I guess now I'll be doing that tomorrow.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>Oh, it's beautiful. Makes great photos. Nice meeting you, Carl.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Renee gets in her Volvo and drives off . Carl walks off .</scene_description>
    <character>FLIER GUY</character>
    <dialogue>You interested in learning Spanish?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl takes the flier from the Flier Guy .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. STREET</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl walks down the street , now holding a zillion fliers . Carl gets a tap on the shoulder . REVEAL Kath standing there .</scene_description>
    <character>KATH</character>
    <parenthetical>( O.S . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Thinking of learning a couple foreign languages?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Hey, Kath. Would you like one? I'm going to learn Swahili.</dialogue>
    <character>KATH</character>
    <dialogue>Maybe next week. There's someone you should probably meet. Carl, this is Seb.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>A very tall , very blond , Nordic looking man approaches Carl .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Seb? What is that? Swedish?</dialogue>
    <character>SEB</character>
    <dialogue>Yes.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Beat . Seb puts his hand on Kath 's back . Carl notices this and is not particularly happy .</scene_description>
    <character>SEB</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>I've heard a lot about you, Carl.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Seb 's phone rings .</scene_description>
    <character>SEB</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Sorry, sweetie. I've got to take this.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Seb walks off and answers his cell .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>You're on a date then?</dialogue>
    <character>KATH</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah. Met him at my firm.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>He's very tall.</dialogue>
    <character>KATH</character>
    <dialogue>I guess so, yeah.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Seb returns .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Well, it was nice meeting you, Seb. So I'll be going.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl starts to walk off .</scene_description>
    <character>SEB</character>
    <dialogue>Unless. you'd like to join us?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl stops in his tracks . He mouths the word `` fuck . '' Carl turns . Kath nods at Carl as in , `` You do n't have to join us . ''</scene_description>
    <character>SEB</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>It was good meeting you -</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I'd love to. Join you guys.</dialogue>
    <character>KATH</character>
    <dialogue>What?</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. ROMANTIC RESTAURANT - LATER</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Seb , Carl and Kath are sitting at dinner . It is incredibly awkward . Kath and Seb are clearly incredibly pissed off .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>So, how did you guys meet?</dialogue>
    <character>KATH</character>
    <dialogue>I told you. Through the firm.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>A waiter arrives .</scene_description>
    <character>WAITER</character>
    <dialogue>Would you like to order some wine?</dialogue>
    <character>KATH/CARL/SEB</character>
    <dialogue>Yes.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>CUT TO LATER - Carl , Kath and Seb are now slightly drunk . However , it is a quiet , angry drunk , not a fun - loving drunk . They are still sitting in silence . Seb turns to Kath and starts saying something quietly to her .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Oh, this is good.</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( CHUCKLING . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>I was walking past Pizza Hut the other day, and for a second I was sure the sign said `` Pizza Hat.'' And then I thought, would n't it be funny if there was a shop that sold hats shaped like pizzas?</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( beat , weakly . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>You know. Because it sounds like `` Pizza Hut'' only it's a hat shop.</dialogue>
    <character>SEB</character>
    <dialogue>Look, Carl, why do n't you just eat your fish and fuck off?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl puts the rest of his meal in his mouth , gets up from the table and walks out of the restaurant . As he leaves , he smiles to himself . His phone rings . He sees it 's Rooney on the Caller ID .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Shit.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl answers the phone .</scene_description>
    <character>ROONEY</character>
    <parenthetical>( O.S . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>What's up Carl? It's Rooney! What do you say we grab a couple brewskis?</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. CARL'S APARTMENT - LATE NIGHT</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl flips on his computer . He 's trashed . He has a bunch of emails . He clicks on the email .</scene_description>
    <character>NIGERIAN KING</character>
    <parenthetical>( V.O . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Dear brother Carl, Thank you for your last note you sent me. But we must move quickly. I must have your bank details right now. Send them to me. Your Associate, Omar, King of Nigeria</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( while typing . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Dear Omar, While I appreciate the gravity of your situation, perhaps a goodwill branch is in order. Could you perhaps loan me a million and take it out of my final cut? Then I will happily send you my bank details. Sincerely, Carl.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl then flips on persianwifefinder.com . A PERSIAN CARTOON GENIE comes onto the screen .</scene_description>
    <character>PERSIAN CARTOON GENIE</character>
    <dialogue>Sa ` laam, Carl. You have sixty - five winks. Allah Akbar.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The screen is suddenly filled with pictures of Persian women .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. CARL'S APARTMENT - PRE-DAWN</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl 's alarm goes off . Carl hits it and sits up . He grabs his head and then runs to the bathroom and throws up .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. PARK - PRE-DAWN</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Renee , along with several other amateur photographers in sweat suits , have gathered . They all have big cameras around their necks . Carl walks up to them . He does not look good .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Good morning.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>Wow. You look tired.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Well, it is five in the morning.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>Mammals are meant to be up at dawn. It's how we're built biologically. Where's your camera?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl realizes he forgot his camera .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I thought I'd use my phone.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl pulls out his camera cell phone .</scene_description>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>Awesome idea. So light.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>That's what I thought.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>Let's hit it.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Renee , Carl and the group of amateur jogging photographers start jogging . Carl can barely keep up with them .</scene_description>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Oooh, pretty.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>As she passes a flower , Renee snaps a photo of it .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. LAKE - DAWN</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>The group reaches the lake as the sun rises . They all snap photos . Carl finds himself snapping photos on his camera . He accidentally snaps one of Renee with the sun behind her . She looks pretty in the photo .</scene_description>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>Alright! Enough standing around!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Renee starts jogging again . Carl starts after her and then abruptly doubles over and throws up on the ground . Renee and the other jogging/photographers snap photos of him .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. CAFE - MORNING</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl sits across from an Iranian women .</scene_description>
    <character>IRANIAN WOMAN</character>
    <dialogue>It was delightful meeting you, Carl.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>As it was meeting you Farinoush.</dialogue>
    <character>IRANIAN WOMAN</character>
    <dialogue>Although I must say I was surprised to discover that you are in no way Persian. Nor are you six foot two. You should change that on your profile.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Will do. Should I call you?</dialogue>
    <character>IRANIAN WOMAN</character>
    <dialogue>Sorry, I want a tall guy.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The Iranian Woman leaves , passing Lucy .</scene_description>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>Who was that?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Farinoush Azzam. Great girl, but I do n't think we're right for each other.</dialogue>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>How'd you meet?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>PersianWifeFinder.com.</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( ignoring her odd look . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Let's talk wedding shower.</dialogue>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>So, I know it's just a wedding shower, so who cares really? And it's like so lame? But I've made an appointment at a stationery store. Are you going to totally kill me?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( dripping with sarcasm . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>You kidding? I love stationery.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Lucy gets up . Carl follows her . He does not look happy .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. STATIONERY STORE - LATER</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Lucy and Carl are looking over a book of stationery with the STATIONERY PROPRIETESS . Carl ca n't concentrate .</scene_description>
    <character>STATIONERY PROPRIETESS</character>
    <dialogue>This one is nice. I especially love it in cream.</dialogue>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>Ooooh, pretty. What do you think?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Looks good to me.</dialogue>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <parenthetical>( sarcastic annoyance . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Thanks for your opinion.</dialogue>
    <character>STATIONERY PROPRIETESS</character>
    <dialogue>It's always difficult to get the husband - to - be's opinion.</dialogue>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <parenthetical>( derisive laughter . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>I'm not marrying him.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I'm just helping throw the shower.</dialogue>
    <character>STATIONERY PROPRIETESS</character>
    <dialogue>Oh. What's the party going to be like? Sometimes it helps to know that before you pick an invitation.</dialogue>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>Nothing special. Just hors d'oeuvres and wine.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl , meanwhile , is looking through the book of invitations .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Look at this - Bridal Bingo. What's Bridal Bingo?</dialogue>
    <character>STATIONERY PROPRIETESS</character>
    <dialogue>It's bingo, except you yell out embarrassing facts about the bride and whoever fills their card first wins.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>That sounds fun.</dialogue>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>I'm not doing Bridal Bingo.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>How about a calendar shower?</dialogue>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>Can we concentrate at the task at hand?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Do you even know what a calendar shower is? Maybe a calendar shower is awesome.</dialogue>
    <character>STATIONERY PROPRIETESS</character>
    <dialogue>Every guest gets assigned a month and brings a gift that the bride and groom can use during that month.</dialogue>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>That's kind of cute.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I think that's really cute.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl 's starting to get really into it . He turns the page and sees an invitation decorated with animals labeled `` Knights in White Armor . ''</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Look at this one - `` Knights in White Armor.''</dialogue>
    <character>STATIONERY PROPRIETESS</character>
    <dialogue>The bride and groom ride in on a white stallion.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>You have got to do that. Like it's not even a choice.</dialogue>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>That seems a little extreme.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>You only get married once.</dialogue>
    <character>STATIONERY PROPRIETESS</character>
    <dialogue>Your friend happens to be right.</dialogue>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>You're really good at this. You mind helping me with the wedding invitations?</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. SOUTHWEST BANK - LOAN DESK</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl 's sitting across from an Arab Guy at the loan desk .</scene_description>
    <character>ARAB GUY</character>
    <dialogue>I love cell phones. I breathe cell phones. I own, myself, thirty - five cell phones. My brother is an idiot and he's selling cell phones hand over fist. What do you have? A Nokia 9850?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The Arab Guy goes to grab Carl 's phone . He sees the photo of Renee on the phone 's wallpaper .</scene_description>
    <character>ARAB GUY</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Oooh, pretty lady.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl grabs his phone back .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>How much do you need?</dialogue>
    <character>ARAB GUY</character>
    <dialogue>Eighty five hundred.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Done.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl stamps his form .</scene_description>
    <character>TEN YEAR OLD GIRL</character>
    <dialogue>I was with my sister? And we had this lemonade stand? And we sold like a hundred cups of lemonade in two days? And so I want to expand? All I need is three thousand dollars?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl stamps her form . CUT TO A JITTERY GUY .</scene_description>
    <character>JITTERY GUY</character>
    <dialogue>Just give me the cash.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>You promise you'll pay it back?</dialogue>
    <character>JITTERY GUY</character>
    <dialogue>Basically.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl stamps his form . Norman comes over .</scene_description>
    <character>NORMAN</character>
    <dialogue>May I speak to you, Carl?</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. NORMAN'S OFFICE</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Norman sits across from Carl .</scene_description>
    <character>NORMAN</character>
    <dialogue>I know what you're doing.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>What am I doing?</dialogue>
    <character>NORMAN</character>
    <dialogue>You're loaning below our minimum.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl does n't know what to say .</scene_description>
    <character>NORMAN</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>You thought I would n't notice the paperwork? I'm not the regional manager because I ignore the details.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I'm sorry, but it's absurd that if you need a small amount of money you have to go to a loan shark. Only rich people can pay back loans over ten grand. A bank's job is not to just help the rich. It's to help anyone with a dream achieve it.</dialogue>
    <character>NORMAN</character>
    <dialogue>I know. These microloans are pretty interesting. So I'll you spearhead a little pilot program at the bank.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Thank you so much.</dialogue>
    <character>NORMAN</character>
    <dialogue>If corporate finds out, you're the one who's getting fired. So keep it quiet.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl mimes zipping up his mouth and throwing away the key . QUICK CUTS OF CARL STAMPING LOTS OF FORMS Rooney sits down across from Carl .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>What do you need a loan for?</dialogue>
    <character>ROONEY</character>
    <dialogue>I do n't. I was wondering if you were around tonight to help me move?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Why do n't you hire movers?</dialogue>
    <character>ROONEY</character>
    <dialogue>Because it's cheaper to ask you.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. ROONEY'S MOM'S HOUSE</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Rooney and Carl are looking at a fridge .</scene_description>
    <character>ROONEY</character>
    <dialogue>Can you carry the fridge alone?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( SCARED . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Yes.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>MOMENTS LATER Carl is carrying the fridge down the stairs . He FALLS down the stairs with the fridge . Carl looks up at Rooney who 's at the top of the stairs .</scene_description>
    <character>ROONEY</character>
    <dialogue>You OK?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Yes. Do you want to help at all?</dialogue>
    <character>ROONEY</character>
    <dialogue>I wish I could, but I hurt my back trying to move that fridge.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. ROONEY'S MOM'S HOUSE</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl has put the last box into the moving van . Rooney and his mom are hugging .</scene_description>
    <character>ROONEY'S MOM</character>
    <dialogue>I'm going to miss you, baby.</dialogue>
    <character>ROONEY</character>
    <dialogue>And I'm going to miss you, ma.</dialogue>
    <character>ROONEY'S MOM</character>
    <dialogue>I ca n't watch you go.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>His mom goes into her house .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Where are you moving?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Rooney looks at Carl and smiles . Carl 's eyes go wide . MUSIC CUE : `` JUMP '' by the Pointer Sisters YES MONTAGE - Carl 's taking Korean .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>( in Korean . )</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>( What is the weather like in Pyongyang ? )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue />
    <scene_description>- At Southwest Bank .</scene_description>
    <character>NORMAN</character>
    <dialogue>We need a volunteer to think up local marketing ideas</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl raises his hand . CUT TO LATER Carl has put up signs on the bank window that say `` Pet - a - Puppy '' day . There 's a box of puppies in the bank . Customers are streaming into the bank to pet puppies . - We see Carl 's CALENDAR filling up . - A ton of different kinds of credit cards are POPPING THROUGH HIS MAIL SLOT . - Carl 's taking Spanish .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( in Spanish . )</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>( I like to drive with my mother . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue />
    <scene_description>The door to the language center opens . - Carl walks towards work . He sees the same group of flyer guys and DUCKS DOWN an alleyway . We now see that to avoid the flyer guys he uses a series of alleys and fire escapes , crossing roofs , even jumping between two buildings so he can avoid being approached . - At Southwest Bank .</scene_description>
    <character>NORMAN</character>
    <dialogue>We need someone to be a weekend cashier.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl 's hand shoots up . - Carl walks out of a movie with a woman who 's in a head scarf . He awkwardly hugs her . REVEAL that the movie they watched is Saw III . - Carl 's at THE NOTE singing along to Renee 's band 's songs . He and the `` Jester '' audience member do shots together . - Carl 's walking around a florist shop with Lucy . She points to a small bouquet of white flowers . Carl points to a giant heart - shaped ice sculpture . - We see Carl having to write in tiny letters on his calendar because it 's so full . - At Southwest Bank .</scene_description>
    <character>NORMAN</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>We need a volunteer -</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl 's hand shoots up .</scene_description>
    <character>NORMAN</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>- to be in charge of day care.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>- CUT TO Carl with a bunch of kids . All the kids are folding brand new dollar bills into paper airplanes - CUT TO Carl walking down the street , a big smile on his face , taking everyone 's fliers as per usual . He walks past a CULTY GUY named TONY who 's passing out books .</scene_description>
    <character>TONY</character>
    <dialogue>Do you want to change your life through Mahayana Buddhism?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl takes one of the books .</scene_description>
    <character>TONY</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Would you like to have tea and discuss?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I'm kind of in a rush.</dialogue>
    <character>TONY</character>
    <dialogue>My place is right around the corner.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. TONY'S APARTMENT - DAY</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl 's sitting awkwardly on the floor across from Tony . They are both drinking tea .</scene_description>
    <character>TONY</character>
    <dialogue>It is only through the four noble truths and the destruction of desire that we can end suffering.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Well, that's really neat.</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( awkward beat . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>So, thanks for the books and the jasmine tea and the vegan curry, but I have to go -</dialogue>
    <character>TONY</character>
    <dialogue>Do you like Dionne Warwick?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Tony flips on Dionne Warwick 's `` I Say a Little Prayer . ''</scene_description>
    <character>TONY</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Now she had style.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>It was really great meeting you -</dialogue>
    <character>TONY</character>
    <dialogue>C'mon, Carl. Shake your groove thang.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Tony pulls Carl up . Carl starts to awkwardly shake his groove thing .</scene_description>
    <character>TONY</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>I like big guys.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I really have to go.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Tony grabs Carl and kisses him full on the lips .</scene_description>
    <character>TONY</character>
    <dialogue>Want to go into my bedroom?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>CLOSE IN on Carl 's face . He looks down on the `` Yes '' that 's on his palm .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( very quiet . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Yes.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl and Tony head into his bedroom .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. TONY'S BEDROOM</stage_direction>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Do you have any candles? I just love candles.</dialogue>
    <character>TONY</character>
    <dialogue>Sure.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Tony instantly pulls out candles and lights them .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>How about wine? Like a bottle of Beaujolais?</dialogue>
    <character>TONY</character>
    <dialogue>I only have Beaujolais Nouveau.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Tony pulls out a bottle of wine and two glasses . Tony goes in to kiss Carl .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I have herpes.</dialogue>
    <character>TONY</character>
    <dialogue>Upstairs or downstairs?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Downstairs?</dialogue>
    <character>TONY</character>
    <dialogue>Front door or back door?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>It's a swinging door!</dialogue>
    <character>TONY</character>
    <dialogue>Just give it!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Tony pushes Carl down onto the bed .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. PETER'S LAW OFFICE</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl 's sitting across from Peter in Peter 's fancy law office . They 're each eating burgers .</scene_description>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>What's with the kitten?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>PULL BACK to reveal a kitten on Peter 's desk .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I just adopted her. If you're interested, they're giving them away in front of Petco.</dialogue>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>I do n't want a kitten.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Neither did I.</dialogue>
    <character>PETER'S SECRETARY</character>
    <dialogue>Andy Solomon on line two.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Peter picks up the phone .</scene_description>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>Hey, asshole, we're not talking until you sign that goddamn contract.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Peter hangs up .</scene_description>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>( totally normal . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>I spoke to Kath. I hear you met her boyfriend, Seb.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Seems like a nice guy.</dialogue>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>She was upset you went on her date.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>He asked me to join them.</dialogue>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>I think you're taking this too far.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I have no choice. I'm a yes man. I must say yes. If Seb asks me to join them on their date, I must. If some dude asks me for a loan I have to give it to them even if it's clearly never going to be paid back. If a guy asks me into his bedroom, I must hook up with him.</dialogue>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>You hooked up with a dude?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>It's like hooking up with a strong woman. I honestly do n't see what the big deal is.</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( back on his yes rant . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>I am guided by yes. Yes has become my superpower. And let me tell, yes is turning out to be a pretty sweet deal. Now if you'll excuse me I'm late for Korean class.</dialogue>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>You hate Korean food.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>That's no reason to write off an entire, vibrant culture. See you later, buddy.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl heads off , the kitten under his arm .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. GALLERY</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl walks around a photography gallery . Renee 's photos are up . They are terrible photos , since they were taken while she was jogging . Their subjects are blurry . Some of them are half in the photo and half out . The featured photo is of Carl throwing up on the ground .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>You really are displaying that.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>That's probably my best photo ever. My collages are n't bad. But personally, I think I excel at pottery.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Renee POINTS to a LARGE , BROWN PLATE that looks like poo .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Wow. That's really big. How do you have time for all this stuff?</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>How do you have time to come to every one of my rocks shows even the one in Fairfield county that was seventy - five miles from here? I almost skipped that one.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>You gave me the flier, so I had to go.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>At first I thought you were a weird stalker and I was scared. But now I think you're just a really shy dude with a crush. And while it's been suspenseful to see when/if you'd ask me out -</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Do you want to go out sometime?</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>Yes, I would.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>By the way, I do other stuff besides follow you around.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>Like what?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I take Korean.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>In that case, what do you say we do Korean?</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. KOREAN RESTAURANT - LATER</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl 's eating across from Renee . He ca n't stand the food . He grimaces with every bite , but manages to choke it down .</scene_description>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>Do you want any more squid hot pot? It's really good here.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I think I'm good. To have some more.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Renee spoons a huge amount of squid onto both their plates .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>So, all this art you create. What do you want to do with it?</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>What do you mean?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Like, do you want to open a store?</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>Where I can sell my photos and pottery? Of course not. They're terrible.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl 's surprised that she knows this .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>They're not terrible.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah, they're awful.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I think you're being hard on yourself -</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>I'm not asking for sympathy. My voice is way too high - pitched, my pottery looks like poo, and my photos are blurry and subjectless. But who gives a shit? Not everything needs a goal. The world is a playground. You know that as a kid but then somewhere along the way everyone forgets.</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( as if telling a secret . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Besides, I ca n't open a store. My big master plan is to take a trip around the world.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>When? Like in a couple years?</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>I bought a ticket for four months from now.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>People always talk about that, but you're actually doing it.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>Honestly, I'm terrified.</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( THEN . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>How about you? Do you like the bank?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>It's lame, but you know, it's pretty funny. My boss Norman always throws theme parties.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>So if it's lame why do you work there?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Because. it's actually not lame.</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( REALIZING . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>I just gave the answer I've automatically given for years. I'm actually enjoying the bank for the first time maybe ever. I started this pilot program that gives out microloans.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>What's that?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Like say you need three hundred bucks to pay for paint so you can start a house painting business. Rather than paying a loan shark who charges you 300 %, now you can come to Southwest Bank. Whatever. It's kind of dorky.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>That actually sounds really cool.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The waitress comes over .</scene_description>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>I'm stuffed. But I would love to wrap this up.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( in Korean , with SUBTITLES . )</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>( We are very fat .</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>But can I please have this food made mobile ? )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue />
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>So, what do you say we hit this crazy party?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Funny, not crazy. My boss is white noise.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>White noise?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>You know, like totally boring.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>I do n't know anyone who's totally boring. Crack a person's shell - there's always something creepy underneath.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. NORMAN'S APARTMENT - NIGHT</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Norman opens the door . He 's dressed as the Japanese character Hiro from the show Heroes .</scene_description>
    <character>NORMAN</character>
    <dialogue>Carl! Welcome. Or should I say, uerukamu!</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>What's going on?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I would n't bother.</dialogue>
    <character>NORMAN</character>
    <dialogue>You did n't tell her? This is a dress - up as your favorite character from Heroes. Do you watch?</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>I currently do n't have a television.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Norman stares at her .</scene_description>
    <character>NORMAN</character>
    <dialogue>I do n't know what to do with that information. There are drinks, chips, dips, various and sundry noshes. I entreat you to make friends. Let's get this party started!</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. NORMAN'S APARTMENT</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>It 's very quiet . A couple people mill about .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>We do n't have to stay long.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>It's a party. Let's socialize.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl and Renee walk up to a MOUSEY GIRL .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I'm Carl. This is Renee.</dialogue>
    <character>KHATOON</character>
    <dialogue>Hey. I'm Khatoon.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>It 's complete silence . Beat .</scene_description>
    <character>KHATOON</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Do I know you from somewhere?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I do n't think so.</dialogue>
    <character>KHATOON</character>
    <dialogue>Are you listed on Persianwifefinder.com?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Renee laughs . Carl fake laughs with her .</scene_description>
    <character>KHATOON</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Seriously, though, are you?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>So, how do you know Norman?</dialogue>
    <character>KHATOON</character>
    <dialogue>Karate Club.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Norman comes in with more chips . There are now about ten times as many snacks as guests .</scene_description>
    <character>NORMAN</character>
    <dialogue>Baked Lays people! It is on!</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>You're in a karate club?</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. NORMAN'S APARTMENT</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Everyone 's standing around Norman . They 've laid several pieces of wood out over a coffee table .</scene_description>
    <character>PARTY GUESTS</character>
    <dialogue>Norman! Norman! Norman!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Norman KARATE CHOPS the wood in half . The guests cheer . Norman takes a big bow .</scene_description>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <parenthetical>( whispering to Carl . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Told ya there was something weird under that white noise shell.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Renee leaves Carl .</scene_description>
    <character>KHATOON</character>
    <dialogue>You're totally on persianwifefinder.com. SultanCarl.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl turns to Norman .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( changing the subject . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Khatoon, Norman! You guys should spar!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Khatoon and Norman start to spar . Carl sits back , smiling . JASON , a cynical guy who 's slightly drunk , sidles up beside Carl .</scene_description>
    <character>JASON</character>
    <dialogue>Well, is n't that cute? We've got a full match on. Hey, I'm Jason.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>They shake hands .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I'm Carl. What do you do?</dialogue>
    <character>JASON</character>
    <dialogue>Work for the INS.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Cool.</dialogue>
    <character>JASON</character>
    <dialogue>I hate it. Everyday I have to dash some poor guy's dream. I'm a professional dream dasher.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>It ca n't be that bad.</dialogue>
    <character>JASON</character>
    <dialogue>The other day, I turned down a guy who had literally been a professor at the University of Cuba.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>FLASHBACK OF JASON 'S INS OFFICE Jason 's sitting across from a CUBAN PROFESSOR .</scene_description>
    <character>CUBAN PROFESSOR</character>
    <dialogue>What? But I've already lived here for five years. I've received a steady paycheck and paid taxes for five years. I speak fluent English. I ca n't go back.</dialogue>
    <character>JASON</character>
    <dialogue>I'm sorry but no can do.</dialogue>
    <character>CUBAN PROFESSOR</character>
    <dialogue>I've passed the citizenship test ten times. I bet you could n't pass that test.</dialogue>
    <character>JASON</character>
    <dialogue>You're probably right.</dialogue>
    <character>CUBAN PROFESSOR</character>
    <dialogue>Do you know the location of the Spanish - American war?</dialogue>
    <character>JASON</character>
    <dialogue>Spain?</dialogue>
    <character>CUBAN PROFESSOR</character>
    <dialogue>No.</dialogue>
    <character>JASON</character>
    <dialogue>America?</dialogue>
    <character>CUBAN PROFESSOR</character>
    <dialogue>No.</dialogue>
    <character>JASON</character>
    <parenthetical>( SARCASTIC . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Spainerica?</dialogue>
    <character>CUBAN PROFESSOR</character>
    <dialogue>You are an insult to your country.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>BACK TO THE PARTY .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>So did you let him in?</dialogue>
    <character>JASON</character>
    <dialogue>I sent him back to Cuba. I send them all back.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>If you hate your job so much, why do you do it?</dialogue>
    <character>JASON</character>
    <dialogue>Because I have to eat.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( to himself , in wonder . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>You're a no man.</dialogue>
    <character>JASON</character>
    <dialogue>Excuse me?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Beat . Carl makes a difficult decision .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( WHISPERING . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>I'm not supposed to tell anyone this except for my Yesponsor, but you can change your life. I've changed mine. If I tell you how, will you promise not to tell anyone?</dialogue>
    <character>JASON</character>
    <parenthetical>( sarcastically whispering BACK . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Yeah, sure, whatever.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I say yes. To everything. Say Yes More. It's that simple.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Dramatic beat . Jason finishes his drink .</scene_description>
    <character>JASON</character>
    <dialogue>That's the most retarded idea I've ever heard.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Jason heads off . Renee returns .</scene_description>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>What did I miss?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( THROWN . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Nothing. Do you want to go?</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. CARL'S APARTMENT</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl and Renee walk into Carl 's apartment . Ten kittens and puppies come running up to them as they enter .</scene_description>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>You work for the ASPCA?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I just love pets. This is Veronica, King George, Owen, Carl jr., Carl the III, Carl IV, Bubbles, Greedo, Cat 1, Cat 2 and Cat 3. At the end there, I got kind of bored of naming them.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>They walk into Carl 's living room/bedroom .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. CARL'S LIVING ROOM/BEDROOM</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>The room is piled floor to ceiling with boxes . Renee starts to go through the boxes .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>You do n't need to do that.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>You have a lot of Mexican Viagra.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I have a congenital heart thing it helps. And it's cheaper than the stuff that's made here.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>You better not be a criminal. Because one time I dated this guy who jacked cars for a living and I did not enjoy living on the edge as much as I thought I would.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>It's cheaper to buy in bulk. Is that a crime?</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>A hundred boxes of Mexican prescription drugs borders on something vaguely criminal.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Beat .</scene_description>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Well, are you going to make out with me or what?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Yes.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl grabs Renee and starts making out with her . They fall onto the bed . REVEAL Rooney watching them .</scene_description>
    <character>ROONEY</character>
    <dialogue>You must be Renee. I have heard so much about you. Can I watch?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl does n't know what to say . Before he has to say yes .</scene_description>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>No, you ca n't watch.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. CARL'S BEDROOM - LATER</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Renee and Carl lie next to each other .</scene_description>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>You know what I would love? A massage.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I give great massages.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl starts massaging her .</scene_description>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>Oooh. Yeah. Oooh, right there.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl stops .</scene_description>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Do n't stop.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl continues massaging her . CHYRON : HALF HOUR LATER Carl 's still massaging her . He stops .</scene_description>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Can you please keep massaging?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl starts massaging again . CHYRON : AN HOUR LATER Carl 's massaging . His hands are really cramping up . She 's asleep . He stops massaging .</scene_description>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>( while asleep . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Please keep massaging, please?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl starts massaging again , wincing while he does it .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. SOUTHWEST BANK - LOAN DESK</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl 's sitting across from a LARGE MAN . Carl 's hands are like claws . A line of people waits to speak with him .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>How much does a Schwinn cost?</dialogue>
    <character>LARGE MAN</character>
    <dialogue>Three hundred fifty three dollars. It'll really help me get my one hour delivery business off the ground. I've tried on foot. I only have a two mile radius.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Done and done.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl stamps the package . Norman comes over to the loan desk .</scene_description>
    <character>NORMAN</character>
    <dialogue>Hey, the boys upstairs are here to speak with you.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Really? Because I have a thing at one.</dialogue>
    <character>NORMAN</character>
    <dialogue>He asked for you specifically. Ixnay on the small loans - ay.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl looks over . He sees the President -LRB- from the beginning of the movie -RRB- sitting in the conference room . Carl gets nervous .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. SOUTHWEST BANK - CONFERENCE ROOM</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl walks into the conference room . The bank president , CHRIS PARKER , motions to a seat .</scene_description>
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <dialogue>Carl Kendall? I'm Chris Parker. President of Southwest Bank.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I actually met you when I was just a teller.</dialogue>
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <parenthetical>( no recollection of it at ALL . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Of course!</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( reading from a binder . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Pet - a - Puppy day. Free cookie day. Free half hour on the bank's punching bag day. You've upped walk - in traffic by 35 %. Not only that - you've also taken charge of corporate day care. I like a team player.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl 's phone buzzes . The caller ID says LUCY .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Thank you.</dialogue>
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <dialogue>But then I got suspicious. What drives a man in his mid to late thirties who's still at the absolute lowest level of our corporate family? Generous helpfulness? Or raging revenge?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Generous helpfulness?</dialogue>
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <dialogue>Which is when I got the numbers from your loan desk.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl turns white . Carl 's phone buzzes again . The text says LUCY : `` WHERE ARE YOU ? ''</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Uh huh.</dialogue>
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <dialogue>You've given out over 682 below minimum loans. One of them was literally for fifteen dollars and eighty seven cents.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Janice Peabody's ant farm rental business.</dialogue>
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <dialogue>How do you explain yourself?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I've started a microloan project. I figure that if someone needs less than ten grand why should they go to a loan shark when they can come to a legitimate banking institution?</dialogue>
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <dialogue>Because the paperwork makes any profit moot. Unless you're raiding our coffers.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>No. I would n't do that.</dialogue>
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <dialogue>I would if I could, so why would n't you?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Chris laughs . Carl laughs . Chris abruptly stops laughing . So does Carl . Carl 's phone buzzes again . The text says LUCY : `` I THOUGHT WE WERE MEETING AT ONE . PLEASE CALL BACK . ''</scene_description>
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>But then I looked closer at the numbers. 85 % of the loan recipients have been paying them off according to the bank's schedule. Not just that, but 72 % of that group have returned as regular full loan customers. This is both a moneymaker and good for the community. That like never happens!</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Thank you.</dialogue>
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <dialogue>You're the kind of person we want in corporate. We're taking some clients on a golfing trip. You golf?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Yes.</dialogue>
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <dialogue>You free tomorrow?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Yes.</dialogue>
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <dialogue>Of course you are. I better watch my back around you, Carl Kendall. Soon you'll be taking my job. See you on the links.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Chris Parker grabs Carl 's hand and shakes it . Carl RUNS out of the office .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. SUGAR DREAMS BAKERY</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl RUNS up to the bakery . Lucy 's outside .</scene_description>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>What happened?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I'm sorry - bank meeting stuff.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. SUGAR DREAMS BAKERY</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Lucy and Carl wander around a fancy bakery .</scene_description>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>I've never heard of a Wedding Shower cake.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>You have to have one. Modern Bride calls them a necessity.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl 's phone rings .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Sorry, Luce. Work stuff.</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( sotto into phone . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Yeah, I can definitely be at the blood bank in twenty minutes.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl hangs up . Lucy suddenly starts crying .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Are you OK?</dialogue>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>I'm sorry, it's just you've been so great at all this while my husband - to - be has been completely absent. Do you have time to grab a cup of tea?</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. DEPARTMENT STORE TEA ROOM</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl and Lucy are each drinking tea . The only other people in the tea room are groups of women .</scene_description>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>Is he scared to get married? Is that why he does n't care?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>You know Peter. He's a man's man. He cares, he just does n't know how to show it.</dialogue>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>You know how to show it. A wedding is a huge deal. I'm so scared.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>You guys are perfect for each other.</dialogue>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>I know that and yet I'm still so scared.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Maybe if you're just honest with him about how you're feeling it'll be OK.</dialogue>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>He can be just so closed off.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl 's phone rings .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Sorry, the bank, you know?</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( sotto into phone . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>The UFO conference is tonight? No, that's fine, I'll definitely be there.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl hangs up .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>I'm sorry.</dialogue>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>You've been so good to me. I've really come to depend on you. I want to pay you back.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Not necessary.</dialogue>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>Peter tells me you might have some disposable income these days.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>For some reason, the bank keeps promoting me.</dialogue>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>If you want to look at some open houses, I'm happy to waive my fee.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. LUXURIOUS APARTMENT - DAY</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl and Lucy walk into a luxurious apartment . Gourmet kitchen , floor to ceiling windows , giant media center .</scene_description>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>So this is at the very top end of what you could probably afford. Are you interested?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl hits a button . A GIANT TELEVISION SCREEN DESCENDS .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Yes.</dialogue>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>Are you sure? I mean, this is the first place you've looked -</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Yes. I've got to run.</dialogue>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>I'm looking forward to meeting Renee tonight.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>What?</dialogue>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>We're all having dinner. Tonight. Remember?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Right. Of course.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl runs out .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. BLOOD BANK</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl giving blood while on the phone .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( on the phone . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>I just think if we're going to be rolling out a no interest financing campaign we should commit hard.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>He checks his watch . The NURSE walks by .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>( covering the phone . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Can you unhook me? I have a really important meeting.</dialogue>
    <character>NURSE</character>
    <dialogue>If you're interested in donating plasma, feel free to sign up.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. UFO CONFERENCE</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl 's listening to a lecture .</scene_description>
    <character>WEIRD PROFESSOR</character>
    <dialogue>Between 1996 and 2000 England's Ministry of Defence paid security cleared experts to research UFOs. This classified study was code named Project Condign.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl 's phone rings . People look angrily at him . He stands and PASSES OUT in the aisle .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. FANCY RESTAURANT</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl PULLS UP and RUNS inside .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. FANCY RESTAURANT</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>His friends are all waiting . Carl pulls Renee aside .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I'm sorry I'm late.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>That's fine. It's only the very first time I've met your friends.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>It was work, it went crazy late.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl takes a breath . He 's about to pass out .</scene_description>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>What's with the `` They're Out There'' and `` I Gave'' button?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>REVEAL Carl 's sporting buttons that say `` They 're Out There '' and `` I Gave . ''</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Long story.</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( to the hostess . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Miss, could I have an orange juice? Like fast?</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. FANCY RESTAURANT - NIGHT</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Renee , Carl , Kath , Seb , Peter and Lucy sit around a table at a nice restaurant . As per usual , Carl has several different meals in front of him . He also has a martini , a glass of water , and a glass of orange juice . Carl 's showing off to his friends . As he shows off , Renee looks irritated .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( showing off , to Peter . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Your wife found me a really great place. Built in Bose surround sound, a 100 inch LCD flat screen TV, roof deck with jacuzzi.</dialogue>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>Least I could do. At least he's involved with our wedding.</dialogue>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <parenthetical>( ignoring Lucy 's tone . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>I likey your suit - ey. Hugo Boss?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Oh, this old thing? Prada, I think.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>You think? We went to three different Prada stores to find the right fit.</dialogue>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>What do yo do for a living, Renee?</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>I paint. I'm in a band. I do volunteer work at a shelter. I teach ESL. I do balloon animal art. You know, a little of this, a little of that.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>You should check out her pottery. It's really big.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>It is big. How about you guys?</dialogue>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>Real estate broker.</dialogue>
    <character>PETER/KATH/SEB</character>
    <dialogue>Lawyer.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Quiet beat . The conversation 's not exactly flowing easily .</scene_description>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>If you'll excuse me.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Peter leaves . The waiter comes over .</scene_description>
    <character>WAITER</character>
    <dialogue>Have you made a decision about the wine?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Well, we're kind of in a celebratory mood.</dialogue>
    <character>WAITER</character>
    <dialogue>In that case, may I suggest a 97 Petit Rothschild?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The Waiter points at a wine that costs $ 400 a bottle .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Maybe we should wait for Peter to decide.</dialogue>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>He does n't know crap about wine. Just pick one, Carl.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl is sweating bullets .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Why not? Let's celebrate.</dialogue>
    <character>WAITER</character>
    <dialogue>With six people, I'd recommend two bottles.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. FANCY RESTAURANT - LATER</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Everyone 's drinking the wine . Carl 's terrified of the bill .</scene_description>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>Do you rent or own?</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>I sublet. I have this corner of a loft.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>It's a really nice corner though.</dialogue>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>If you're ever interested in buying, you should ring me up.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>I hate owning things. Because when you own something, you suddenly are invested in that thing not breaking. And I break everything. I've gone through three TVS in three years.</dialogue>
    <character>SEB</character>
    <dialogue>How did you break them?</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>I smashed one with a hammer, dropped one off my roof and the third one just went on the fritz. So I set it on fire.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl 's friends do n't really know what to say . The check comes . Carl grabs it before anyone else can . It 's a $ 1500 bill . He drops several credit cards down on the table .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>It's on me!</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( quietly to the waiter . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>I'd like to split it between an Advanta Blue Business, Mastercard, a Diners Club and my South Dakota Bank Visa Check card.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. FANCY RESTAURANT</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl 's outside with Peter .</scene_description>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>Nice job with Renee. She's definitely odd, but that's not necessarily -</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I just spent $ 1500 on dinner.</dialogue>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>What? Why?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Because the waiter asked me if I wanted the expensive wine and you were n't there to stop me!</dialogue>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>Do n't get mad at me about it. You can just stop.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>No I ca n't. If I did n't say yes to the band flier, I never would have met Renee. If I had n't said yes to taking charge of bank day care and then yes to becoming a loan specialist and then yes to the president's golf trip, I would n't be moving up. Each yes leads to the next one. If I stop, it could all fall apart.</dialogue>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>You've gone from a passive guy who always said no to a passive guy who always says yes. Just saying yes is not a legitimate life philosophy.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I do n't know why I should be taking advice from a guy who's wife is pissed he's not involved at all with the wedding planning.</dialogue>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>I'm involved.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>You told her you do n't care whether the invite's cream or ivory.</dialogue>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>I ca n't see the difference.</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( opening up . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Honestly, I'm terrified.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>What? Why?</dialogue>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>It's marriage, you know? The biggest thing ever.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>But you guys have dated for years.</dialogue>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>I know.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>You're perfect for each other.</dialogue>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>I know.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>She's terrified too.</dialogue>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>Really?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Of course she is. I think you'll both be a lot less terrified if you're terrified together.</dialogue>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>But what if I really ca n't tell the difference between ivory and cream? Does that make me a bad husband?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>What matters is that you pretend you can see the difference.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The girls and Seb come out from the restaurant with their coats on . There 's a silent beat .</scene_description>
    <character>GIRLS</character>
    <parenthetical>( high pitched goodbyes . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>It was wonderful meeting you! / I loved it! / Let me know when you throw your next art thing!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Everyone gets into their cars . Carl and Renee walk off .</scene_description>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>It was great meeting your friends.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>They're a little stiff.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Beat .</scene_description>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>They are a little stiff. What do you feel like doing?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I'm actually going rollerblading with Ralph.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>Ralph?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>You know, crazy rollerblading guitar man.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>The guy who plays at the promenade?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Any interest?</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>No. It's ten on a Friday night. And that guy's crazy. Do n't you want to go home and make out?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Yes.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. CARL'S APARTMENT</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl and Renee are making while Carl surreptitiously checks his watch . Finally , Renee stops kissing him .</scene_description>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <parenthetical>( ANNOYED . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Just go.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. STREET</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl and CRAZY ROLLERBLADING GUITAR MAN rollerblade down the street while guitar man plays guitar .</scene_description>
    <character>CRAZY ROLLERBLADING GUITAR MAN</character>
    <dialogue>Which is why the merman is not to be trusted, especially with the fisherman's computer brain.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>That is really good to know.</dialogue>
    <character>CRAZY ROLLERBLADING GUITAR MAN</character>
    <dialogue>You want to come see the merman?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( RELUCTANT . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Yes.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. COUNTRY CLUB - DAY</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl dashes in , covered in spots of paint . Chris appears .</scene_description>
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <dialogue>What happened to you?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>FLASHBACK : CHYRON : TEN MINUTES AGO Carl 's playing really intense , terrifying paintball with Norman and Rooney .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I do this whole Habitat for Humanity Thing.</dialogue>
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <dialogue>I love the concept of charity. It's awesome.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>A group of KOREAN GENTLEMAN approach Carl and Chris .</scene_description>
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>This is Carl Kendall. This is Jin Kim, Joo - Chan Park, Soo Lee and Seung Kim. Seung's the CEO of Korean Bank International.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The Koreans shake Carl 's hand .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( in Korean , with SUBTITLES . )</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>( It is an honor to meet you .</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>Do you like America ? )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue />
    <scene_description>The Koreans all start speaking Korean at Carl . Carl clearly does n't understand what they 're saying .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. COUNTRY CLUB</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Chris and Carl follow the Koreans .</scene_description>
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <dialogue>You speak Korean?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Just a little.</dialogue>
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <dialogue>You sneaky devil. I knew I should watch my back around you.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Is it a problem if I've never played golf before?</dialogue>
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <dialogue>You're a funny one, Carl Kendall. Remember, they have to win. In Asian cultures, there's a concept called Saving Face. You have to let them win. But if they smell for a second that you have n't tried your hardest, they'll commit hari kari.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Metaphorically?</dialogue>
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <dialogue>Who knows? It's a delicate balance, Kendall. Like two little girls on a see saw with a crocodile beneath them. Make the wrong move, and the little girl will end up in the croc's maw.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. GOLF COURSE</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl stands with the Koreans . Seung Kim is speaking very rapidly at Carl . Carl has no idea what he 's saying . Seung Kim laughs . Carl laughs along with him . Chris hits a beautiful shot . His ball lands almost on the green . The Koreans notice and nervously chatter . Chris approaches Carl .</scene_description>
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <dialogue>Alright, buddy. It's all you.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl grabs a nine iron from the golf bag . Everyone seems very impressed .</scene_description>
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>You must have quite a powerful stroke.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I do.</dialogue>
    <character>SEUNG KIM</character>
    <parenthetical>( in Korean , to Carl . )</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>( Good luck , my friend . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue />
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( in Korean . )</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>( I shall need the luck .</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>This is my first time playing . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue />
    <scene_description>Seung Kim laughs .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>( under his breath . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Why does everyone think I'm joking?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl gingerly places the golf ball on the tee . He looks towards the hole .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>That's really far.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl lines up his shot . He swings back , then forward , and PLOWS the club into the grass , knocking the ball off the tee . The ball rolls down a slight incline resting just a couple feet from where Carl hit it .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>( in Korean , to Seung Kim . )</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>( You 're up , Seung Kim . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue />
    <scene_description>Carl walks back to where Chris is at .</scene_description>
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <dialogue>What was that?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Just keeping them on their toes. Reverse psychology. Tiger Woods does it.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Seung Kim raises his club back . He too dubs it , driving the club deep into the grass . His ball rolls just a couple feet past Carl . GOLF MONTAGE WHEREIN CARL AND SEUNG KIM COMPETE TO NOT BE THE ABSOLUTE WORST GOLF PLAYER EVER - Carl hits the ball straight into a group of trees . - Seung Kim , standing right in front of a pond , delicately taps his ball right into the pond . - Carl keeps divoting the grass . He divots so many times that he has to move the ball out of the hole 's he 's accidentally dug . - Seung Kim hits his ball out of the sand trap . It rolls back in . He tries again . It rolls back in . He 's about to try again when Carl picks up his ball and tosses it over the lip of the sand trap . Carl holds his finger up to his lips : `` Shhh . '' - Carl 's about to hit the ball when his phone rings . He answers it .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Of course not.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The other golfers look really impatient .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Male.</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( BEAT . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Apartment.</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( BEAT . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>I prefer light beer.</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( BEAT . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Three to five times a week.</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( BEAT . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Orlando.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl holds up his finger . Only one moment . - It 's getting late . Now both Carl and Seung Kim are hitting their balls at once to save time . They are both running and hacking at their balls across the fairway as if they 're playing a deranged game of field hockey .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. GOLF COURSE - EARLY EVENING</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl is counting up the scores .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Chris, you hit a 90. Nice one.</dialogue>
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <dialogue>I bogied the fifth hole. I'm still pissed about that.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Joo - Chan hit a 95. Nice work. As for Seung Kim. You hit 453.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Seung glowers at Carl .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>And as for me, I hit.</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( doing some computations . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>. 503.</dialogue>
    <character>SEUNG KIM</character>
    <dialogue>Yes!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Seung Kim pumps his fist .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I'm sorry to say that team Korean Bank International has won.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Seung Kim slaps five with his compatriots .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. COUNTRY CLUB - POST GOLF</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl , Chris and the Koreans are all hanging out . Carl is alone in the corner of the conference hall . A PRETTY FEMALE KOREAN BANKER approaches Carl .</scene_description>
    <character>PRETTY KOREAN BANKER</character>
    <parenthetical>( in Korean . )</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>( You are quite the golfer . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue />
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( in Korean . )</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>( I golf from crotch noodle . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue />
    <scene_description>Beat . She laughs . He laughs along with her .</scene_description>
    <character>PRETTY KOREAN BANKER</character>
    <parenthetical>( in Korean . )</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>( I have a business proposition for you .</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>My marriage is not a happy one .</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>I often find my needs are left unsatisfied . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue />
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( in Korean . )</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>( I agree .</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>The weather is sunny . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue />
    <character>PRETTY KOREAN BANKER</character>
    <parenthetical>( in Korean . )</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>( I wish that was so . )</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>( in English . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Kiss me? Please?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl does n't know what to do .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( NERVOUSLY . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Yes.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>She kisses him passionately . Carl breaks away from the kiss .</scene_description>
    <character>PRETTY KOREAN BANKER</character>
    <dialogue>Am I not sexy? Have you not heard of saving face?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>You're very sexy.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl and the Korean Banker kiss more . Carl looks guilty .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. COUNTRY CLUB</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl 's shaking hands with the Korean Bank Representatives . Chris shakes Carl 's hand .</scene_description>
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <dialogue>I'm promoting you to bank manager.</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( pulling Carl close . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>I've got my eye on you, boy. Do n't you forget it.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Chris laughs . Carl nervously laughs along with him . The Pretty Korean Banker walks by and waves at him . Carl waves back . He looks very guilty .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. POTTERY STUDIO</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl walks into the pottery studio , looking guilty . Renee is making a giant piece of pottery .</scene_description>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>What's up, chicken butt?</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( off his guilty look . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Are you OK? Did everything go OK at golf?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl considers whether he should say anything about the kiss .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I just got promoted to bank manager.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>Congratulations!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Renee kisses Carl .</scene_description>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Oooh, we should do some sexy pottery. Like you can rub the clay all over me.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>OK.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl goes to grab some clay .</scene_description>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>I was kidding. Not as sexy as it seems. It gets in like everywhere.</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( awkward beat . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>What should we do to celebrate?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Have dinner?</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>How about Korean? Oh, no, you probably already had some today.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( NERVOUSLY . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>No, we just had American food, American fare.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>You've just been so busy - it'd be fun to have a night just the two of us. I wish we could just go to the airport and hop on the first flight outta here.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl 's eyes light up .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Yes.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. AIRPORT - TICKET COUNTER</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Renee and Carl are in line at the ticketing counter .</scene_description>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <parenthetical>( with an English accent . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>I think we're going to London.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( with a Spanish accent . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Oaxaca, senorita.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <parenthetical>( with a Russian accent . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Moscow, Russia, comrade.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( with an unidentifiable ACCENT . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Singapore.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>What was that?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>My Singaporean accent. Pretty good, right?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>They get to the front of the line .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>( PROUDLY . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>We want two tickets on the next plane out of here.</dialogue>
    <character>AIRLINE REP</character>
    <dialogue>Two tickets to. Lincoln, Nebraska. Have a good time.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl and Renee take the tickets .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( acting positive . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Lincoln, Nebraska! Here we come, baby!</dialogue>
    <character>AIRLINE REP</character>
    <dialogue>That'll be twelve hundred and thirty three dollars.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>Maybe we should n't do this.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I've been promoted. I've got money to burn.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl nervously hands the Airline Rep his credit card .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. AIRPORT - OUTSIDE SECURITY</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl 's walking towards security when he runs into TONY , the homosexual guy he hooked up with . Tony 's handing out his books .</scene_description>
    <character>TONY</character>
    <dialogue>Do you want to change your life through Mahayana Buddhism?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl takes one of the books .</scene_description>
    <character>TONY</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Carl?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl realizes who he is . Suddenly they are in the middle of an awkward ex - lover interaction .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Tony.</dialogue>
    <character>TONY</character>
    <dialogue>How've you been? You. never called.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I'm sorry. I've been busy.</dialogue>
    <character>TONY</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah, well, I've been busy too.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Renee comes up and grabs Carl 's arm .</scene_description>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>Hey, who's your friend?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Tony looks at Renee and realizes that she 's Carl 's girlfriend .</scene_description>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>I'm Renee.</dialogue>
    <character>TONY</character>
    <dialogue>I'm Tony. I'm an old, close friend of Carl's.</dialogue>
    <character>ANNOUNCER</character>
    <dialogue>Flight 2036 to Lincoln, Nebraska, now boarding.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>That's our flight. We should probably get going.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>It was nice meeting you.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>See you soon.</dialogue>
    <character>TONY</character>
    <parenthetical>( dripping with bitterness . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Have fun. You abigail.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl and Renee head off .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. PLANE</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Renee and Carl have the aisle and window on the plane . A YOUNG WOMAN comes up to Carl .</scene_description>
    <character>YOUNG WOMAN</character>
    <dialogue>Hi, there. Would you mind switching places with me? I want to be across the aisle from my mom.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Her MOM is indeed across from Carl .</scene_description>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>We're actually flying together.</dialogue>
    <character>YOUNG WOMAN</character>
    <dialogue>It would really mean a great deal. She's very scared of flying.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Where's your seat?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The YOUNG WOMAN points at her seat . It 's a couple rows up in the middle . Her middle seat 's BOOKENDED by a MOM with a SCREAMING BABY and an ENORMOUS MAN .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>This is an aisle. That's a middle.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Renee looks at Carl like , why wo n't you just refuse ?</scene_description>
    <character>MOM</character>
    <dialogue>I'm really scared of flying.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>CUT TO MOMENTS LATER Carl between the crying baby and the ENORMOUS MAN . Renee turns and waves to him from a couple rows up . Carl puts on a saccharin smile and waves back .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. LINCOLN AIRPORT - LATER</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl and Renee are in the airport .</scene_description>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>So, now that we're here, what should we do?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Well, clearly we should go there.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl points to an advertisement for a telephone museum : `` Come to the Frank H. Woods Telephone Pioneer Museum . ''</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. FRANK H. WOODS TELEPHONE PIONEER MUSEUM</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl and Renee are looking at MANNEQUINS OF NINETEENTH CENTURY SWITCHBOARD OPERATORS . It 's incredibly quiet .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I had no idea that the earliest switchboard operator headsets weighed ten and a half pounds. That is fascinating.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>It is?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Not at all.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Renee laughs . An ELDERLY TOUR GUIDE dressed as a telephone operator approaches .</scene_description>
    <character>ELDERLY TOUR GUIDE</character>
    <parenthetical>( in character . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>I'll connect you to the coast in an instant with Alexander Graham Bell's brand new invention - the telephone! Just a haypenny per ten minutes.</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( out of character . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>This place is boring as shit. Check out the Lester F. Larsen Tractor Test &amp; Power Museum. Now that's an attraction. Ask for Billy.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>She hands Carl a brochure .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. LESTER F. LARSEN TRACTOR TEST AND POWER MUSEUM</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl and Renee stand outside .</scene_description>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>We do n't have to do this.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>We're here. We might as well.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. FIELD - MOMENTS LATER</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl and Renee RIDE A TRACTOR . Renee 's taking photos as they BUMP OVER THE FIELD .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>THIS IS AWESOME!</dialogue>
    <character>TRACTOR DRIVER</character>
    <dialogue>WANT ME TO OPEN THIS SUCKER UP?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL/RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>YES!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The driver TURNS UP THE SPEED . They 're suddenly going crazy fast .</scene_description>
    <character>TRACTOR DRIVER</character>
    <dialogue>TAKE THE WHEEL! FEEL THE POWER OF JOHN DEERE!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl takes the wheel . The tractor IMMEDIATELY GETS AWAY FROM HIM . They SWERVE STRAIGHT and CRASH THROUGH THE WALL OF AN OLD BARN . The DRIVER kills the engine . Renee , Carl and the Driver catch their breath .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>There's, uhh, no power steering.</dialogue>
    <character>TRACTOR DRIVER</character>
    <dialogue>It's a tractor, not a Toyota.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I'm sorry about the barn.</dialogue>
    <character>TRACTOR DRIVER</character>
    <dialogue>Been meaning to tear this sucker down anyway.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. ANTELOPE PARK AND SUNKEN GARDENS</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl and Renee walk around a surprisingly pretty city park .</scene_description>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>I think I might have whiplash from that tractor ride.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Just do n't sue me.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>Watch your back, Carl. I mean it. I'm very litigious.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>This day has been so randomly incredible.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>Would you. want to. travel around the world with me?</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( THEN . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>I mean, I know we have n't really been seeing each other for that long, but I do n't know.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Yes.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>Yes?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Definitely.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>I think I'm falling, you know. Are you?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Yes.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>They kiss .</scene_description>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>Before our flight, what do you say we grab a couple Nebraskan steaks?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I'm definitely falling for you.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. LINCOLN AIRPORT</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl 's sitting in the lounge at the Lincoln Airport . An OLD WOMAN comes up to him .</scene_description>
    <character>OLD WOMAN</character>
    <dialogue>Excuse me. Would you mind bringing this to my son?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The Old Woman hands Carl an UNMARKED , SHADY - LOOKING PACKAGE .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Like you want me to bring it with me? On the plane?</dialogue>
    <character>OLD WOMAN</character>
    <dialogue>Fedex is so expensive and this needs to get to him today.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( very nervous . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Yeah. Sure. I'd be happy to.</dialogue>
    <character>OLD WOMAN</character>
    <dialogue>He's a tall, blond fellow named Sheldon Winkleton. He'll be holding a sign in the terminal with his name on it. You are a dear.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The Old Woman shuffles off . Carl looks at the box . Renee returns .</scene_description>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>I got US Weekly, Star and, for a little culture, the National Enquirer.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>National Enquirer?</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>They have movie reviews. What's in the package?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Just a gift for some buddies back home.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. AIRPORT - SECURITY</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl walks through security . He puts the package on the conveyor belt . They do n't notice anything odd .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. PLANE</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl and Renee sit next to each other on the plane .</scene_description>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>I'm sorry, I have to go to the bathroom.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Renee heads to the bathroom . Carl takes the package out from under the seat in front of him . He starts to breathe really hard . He very gingerly opens the package . He pulls back the packing peanuts revealing . a box of homemade chocolates . Carl breathes a SIGH OF RELIEF .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. AIRPORT</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl and Renee walk off the plane , Carl carrying the package under his arm . Carl sees a tall blond guy holding a sign that says `` SHELDON WINKLETON . '' He heads towards the guy but before he can several DEA AGENTS with ADORABLE , DRUG SNIFFING DOGS surround Carl . The dogs start BARKING LIKE MAD .</scene_description>
    <character>DEA AGENT</character>
    <dialogue>Put the package down! Put it down!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl looks up to see `` Sheldon '' WALKING SWIFTLY OUT THE SLIDING DOORS of the airport .</scene_description>
    <character>DEA AGENT</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Get on the ground! Both of you!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The DEA AGENTS KICK the box open . Chocolates spill out over the ground . They crack open the chocolates to reveal TINY BAGGIES OF COCAINE .</scene_description>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>What the hell is that?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I do n't know!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>As Carl is dragged out by the cops , he passes Tony , standing near the exit , shaking his head .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. JAIL - INTERROGATION ROOM</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl 's sitting across from two DEA Agents , Good Cop Bob and Bad Cop Bob .</scene_description>
    <character>GOOD COP BOB</character>
    <dialogue>I'm Bob.</dialogue>
    <character>BAD COP BOB</character>
    <dialogue>And I'm Bob.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl ca n't help but laugh .</scene_description>
    <character>BAD COP BOB</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Do you find that funny?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl sees his hand with `` Yes '' on it .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Yes. I'm sorry. Just let the girl go. She does n't know anything.</dialogue>
    <character>BAD COP BOB</character>
    <dialogue>We'll see about that, Carl.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Some old lady gave me a package in the Lincoln airport to deliver to her son, Sheldon Winkleton. That was really stupid of me and I realize that now. I do n't know anything about anything.</dialogue>
    <character>GOOD COP BOB</character>
    <dialogue>Just answer a few questions and I'm sure we'll get this all sorted out. Have you ever used illegal drugs?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl stares at them . He should probably lie .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Yes.</dialogue>
    <character>GOOD COP BOB</character>
    <dialogue>Pot?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Yes. But that's all.</dialogue>
    <character>BAD COP BOB</character>
    <dialogue>How about shrooms?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl nods .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>But that's the only bad shit I've done. I swear.</dialogue>
    <character>BAD COP BOB</character>
    <dialogue>Never cheated on a girlfriend?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( WEEPING . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Yes, I have. But I was in high school. I was a mess. She had cheated on me -</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The Bad Cop SLAMS his fist down on the table .</scene_description>
    <character>BAD COP BOB</character>
    <dialogue>You disgust me.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>The Good Cop restrains the Bad Cop .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. JAIL - OUTSIDE THE INTERROGATION ROOM</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>The two cops DISCUSS Carl . We see Carl freaking out through the one - way mirror behind them as they talk .</scene_description>
    <character>GOOD COP BOB</character>
    <dialogue>He's a moron. But I think he's telling the truth.</dialogue>
    <character>BAD COP BOB</character>
    <dialogue>I agree. No one ever admits to the cheating question.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. POLICE STATION</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl 's sitting on the steps . Renee comes out of the station .</scene_description>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>What the hell happened?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I can explain.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>So explain. Are you a drug smuggler?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Look, when the nice lady asked me to take them on the plane, I thought they were chocolates.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>You expect me to believe a nice lady asked you to bring chocolates on a plane?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I know how it sounds.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>I do n't think you do.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl just looks at her .</scene_description>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>If you ca n't be honest with me, then you and the nice lady can have a fun life in Candyland.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Renee starts off .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Wait! I'll explain better.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>She turns back around .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. COFFEE SHOP</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl sits across from Renee .</scene_description>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>So you've just been saying yes to everything.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Yes.</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( THEN . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Pardon the pun.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>Oh.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>See? Do you get it now? It's nothing, just a glitch really.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>I thought we had so much in common but if you just yes to everything I do n't know that we do. How do I know if you even like Korean food?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Beat .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I do n't.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>Do you even want to travel around the world at all or do you want to work at that bank and buy a lot of Prada suits?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( CONFUSED . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Yes. And yes.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Something registers in Renee .</scene_description>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>When I asked if you were falling for me all you said was yes.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>She rises , shaking her head , and heads for the door .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>It was n't a lie.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>Yes. It was.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. BLOOD BANK</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl 's strapped to a giant plasma donation machine . It 's horrifying . As he donates plasma , he could not look more depressed .</scene_description>
    <character>NURSE</character>
    <dialogue>It'll be over soon.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I do n't care. Just take it all.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. SOUTHWEST BANK CORPORATE OFFICES</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl stumbles into the lounge outside Chris 's office .</scene_description>
    <character>SECRETARY</character>
    <dialogue>Chris will be with you in a moment. Would you like something to drink?</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. CHRIS PARKER'S OFFICE - DAY</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl walks into Chris 's office carrying a cup of coffee a Diet Coke , and a bottle of water .</scene_description>
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <dialogue>So I got a call from the police department.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I'm not a drug dealer -</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Chris closes the door to his office .</scene_description>
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <dialogue>I spent a couple years in prison myself. So I backdated some stock options. Excuse me for trying to help our bottom line, right?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>You got to do what you got to do to help Mr. And Mrs. Shareholder.</dialogue>
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <dialogue>We are their slaves.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Totally.</dialogue>
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <dialogue>Honestly, I prefer for all my top guys to have been in the Big House. We've all eaten the slop. There's a trust there you ca n't break.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Chris holds out his hand .</scene_description>
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>So, what do you say to being a VP and expanding your microloan program bankwide?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( SURPRISED . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Yes.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl shakes Chris 's hand .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. CARL'S NEW OFFICE</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl 's office has VIEWS of other corporate parks . Despite the fancy digs , Carl 's depressed . Chris pokes his head in . Carl 's on the phone .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( on the phone . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>That's right, we're dropping the minimum loan to one dollar, bank - wide.</dialogue>
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <dialogue>Could you look through these numbers and let me know which of our five branches have been lagging behind in profit?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Chris dumps a folder on Carl 's desk .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I thought I was just implementing the microloan program.</dialogue>
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <dialogue>You're a VP, buddy. You do it all now.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. POTTERY STUDIO</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl 's taking a pottery lesson . He is sadly going through the motions of making a pot . He checks his watch and departs , leaving the unfinished pot spinning on the pottery wheel .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. SOUTHWEST BANK CORPORATE OFFICES</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>The VPs are sitting around the board room . Carl comes in , late , still covered in clay .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Sorry about that.</dialogue>
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <dialogue>Carl, I'm glad you could join us. So, to keep you all updated, we should be merging with Korean Bank International within the year.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Everyone claps .</scene_description>
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>As per our argument with KBI, we'll be shoring up our bottom line. Carl Kendall's done us the honor of drawing up a preliminary list of the branches that are on the chopping block. Nice work, Carl.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl looks horrified .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. CHRIS PARKER'S OFFICE</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl 's in the middle of a heated discussion with Chris .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>You ca n't close the Maple Branch!</dialogue>
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <dialogue>I know that Maple's where you got your start, but if I do n't lay those people off then I get laid off. It's a vicious cycle.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>You do n't have to if you do n't want to.</dialogue>
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <parenthetical>( deadly serious . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>If we do n't close these branches than KBI will buy our competitor instead of us and put us all out of business. If you want to be an executive and get to do fun stuff like your microloan project, then you also have to be the bad guy who lays people off. That's why we get paid the big bucks. To make the hard decisions.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. CARL'S APARTMENT</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Norman 's crying . Rooney 's getting worked up .</scene_description>
    <character>NORMAN</character>
    <dialogue>The bank's all I've got. Every morning I restock the hard candy, polish the safe, write today's interest rates on the board.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>There are other banks.</dialogue>
    <character>ROONEY</character>
    <dialogue>We have to protest the merger. Get some grassroots action going. Grass looks weak, but it grows everywhere.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>You do n't even work at the bank.</dialogue>
    <character>NORMAN</character>
    <dialogue>You should protest with us!</dialogue>
    <character>ROONEY</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah! Protest with your employees! It will only make you more popular!</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. SOUTHWEST BANK CORPORATE OFFICES</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Southwest Bank employees and Carl stand in a picket line outside the corporate offices .</scene_description>
    <character>EMPLOYEES</character>
    <dialogue>Hell no! We wo n't go! Hell no! We wo n't go!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Chris gets out of his car and heads to the office . Carl hides his face from Chris so that Chris wo n't recognize him .</scene_description>
    <character>ROONEY</character>
    <dialogue>Throw a rock at him.</dialogue>
    <character>NORMAN</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah, throw a rock!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl grabs a rock and VERY DELICATELY LOBS IT in Chris 's direction . He then TAKES OFF RUNNING in the opposite direction . He then CIRCLES AROUND and runs into the back entrance of the bank .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. SOUTHWEST BANK CORPORATE OFFICES</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>We FOLLOW Carl as he runs up the service entrance to the corporate offices .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. CARL'S NEW OFFICE</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl then RUNS into his office and sits down at the desk . He 's covered in sweat and is breathing heavily . Chris pokes his head in .</scene_description>
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <dialogue>Some asshole protestor threw a rock at my head.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Those dicks.</dialogue>
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <dialogue>I wish using hoses was n't such bad PR.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Chris leaves his office .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. PETER'S LAW OFFICE</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl sits across from Peter .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I think I made a mistake letting Renee go like that. What if I'm supposed to go on that trip?</dialogue>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>You own an apartment because of that job. People do n't generally leave good jobs.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>But the bank does n't feel right.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Peter 's phone rings . Peter picks it up .</scene_description>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>Hey, honey. I think we should go with the tulips. I know roses are more romantic, but they're also much more clichéd. Babe, can you wait a second?</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( covering the phone . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>I'm going to be on for a while. Ask your guru. He's the one who sent you on this retarded quest in the first place.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. MARRIOTT CONFERENCE CENTER</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Sanji 's SIGNING BOOKS . Carl gets to the front of the line .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Hi, Sanji. I'm Carl. Kendall.</dialogue>
    <character>SANJI</character>
    <parenthetical>( no memory of Carl . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Of course! Would you like to purchase my new book, `` The Power of Yes : Life is Yessy''?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Actually, I had a question for you.</dialogue>
    <character>SANJI</character>
    <dialogue>Well, this line is for book customers only.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. MARRIOTT COFFEE SHOP - LATER</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Sanji 's eating by himself . Carl comes up to him .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I'm sorry to bother you again -</dialogue>
    <character>SANJI</character>
    <dialogue>Ca n't you see that I'm eating?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I have a really important question. I have to choose between traveling around the world with a girl I'm really into or choosing a job that will make me pretty well off. I do n't know which yes to take.</dialogue>
    <character>SANJI</character>
    <dialogue>How well off?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I do n't know why that's important.</dialogue>
    <character>SANJI</character>
    <dialogue>I should know all the data.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>A lot, OK?</dialogue>
    <character>SANJI</character>
    <dialogue>This is what I recommend. Every winter, I throw a two week long seminar in Aspen. It's only ten grand a week and it will open your mind up -</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I do n't want to go to a seminar. I just need help with this question.</dialogue>
    <character>SANJI</character>
    <dialogue>For you, eight grand a week. I have helped celebrities like Cher and Jack Welch. You will love it -</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( REALIZING . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>You're a total con artist.</dialogue>
    <character>SANJI</character>
    <dialogue>I am not a con artist. Have I not set you on the life path you desire?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( PANICKING . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>I've put my life into the hands of a con artist! And because of you I have this retarded yes branded on my hand for life!</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( yelling to the RESTAURANT . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>This man is a con artist! Do n't listen to this man! He is a con artist!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl runs out of the restaurant .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. CARL'S APARTMENT</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl returns home . Rooney 's on the couch , wearing a headset playing Xbox Live .</scene_description>
    <character>ROONEY</character>
    <parenthetical>( into the headset . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>You are dead, AnalDestroyer832!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl PULLS the xBox cord out of the law .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Out!</dialogue>
    <character>ROONEY</character>
    <dialogue>What? Why?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>You've slept on my couch for four weeks. You're a grown man. Now sack up and get the hell out of here.</dialogue>
    <character>ROONEY</character>
    <dialogue>Will you let me stay here please?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Are you deaf?</dialogue>
    <character>ROONEY</character>
    <dialogue>You have to say yes if I ask you.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>You knew?</dialogue>
    <character>ROONEY</character>
    <dialogue>I may not seem like I get it, but I get everything. Lucy and Kath? Made out one time in the bathroom at Rudy's.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Get the hell out of here.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. CARL'S LIVING ROOM/BEDROOM</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl 's in front of his computer . There are a bunch of emails selling Viagra . He angrily deletes them all . He gets a letter from the King of Nigeria .</scene_description>
    <character>NIGERIAN KING</character>
    <parenthetical>( V.O . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Dear Carl, It is vitally important you send me your bank account information. The government will be closing in on my account in the very near future. Your good friend, Omar, Former King of Nigeria.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl starts typing fast . As Carl writes the following email , we cuts of him THROWING AWAY THE BOXES OF STUFF HE BOUGHT OVER THE INTERNET and GIVING AWAY THE SIX KITTENS HE GOT TO THE ASPCA .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( V.O . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Omar, Let's cut the crap. You are not a king. You're probably just a teenage con artist jerking off somewhere in Russia. Write me again and I will find you and beat your stupid lying face in. Dick. Sincerely, Carl Kendall.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl angrily flips off his computer .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. CARL'S APARTMENT - NIGHT</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>CLOSE ON THE ALARM . His alarm goes off . Carl HITS IT off . It 's now DAYTIME .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. CARL'S APARTMENT - DAY</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl gets dressed . He puts on his suit and tie . His apartment is noticeably nicer than the last time we saw it .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. STREET</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl drives down the street in a FANCY CAR . He PULLS INTO DUNKIN DONUTS . He gets out of the car and passes a guy handing out fliers .</scene_description>
    <character>FLIER GUY</character>
    <dialogue>You want to pawn -</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>No.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl walks into Dunkin Donuts .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. DUNKIN DONUTS</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>The Dunkin Donuts Cashier hands Carl his coffee .</scene_description>
    <character>DUNKIN DONUTS CASHIER</character>
    <dialogue>Would you like an -</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>No.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl hands the Cashier the money .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. CARL'S NEW OFFICE</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl sits in his office . Lucy walks in .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Hey, Luce. What're you doing all the way over here?</dialogue>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>It's been hard to reach you.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I've been a little swamped.</dialogue>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>Everything OK?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Yeah. Things are great.</dialogue>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>I was wondering when you want to meet with the florist.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Sorry, but I'm too busy these days. Do n't have time to help with the party anymore. Good luck.</dialogue>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>You're just stopping, just like that?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I'm not the one marrying you. Maybe you should ask him for some help.</dialogue>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>He is helping. Here I was thinking we were actual friends.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Lucy leaves , upset . Carl does n't move .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. SOUTHWEST BANK CORPORATE OFFICES - CONFERENCE ROOM</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl , Chris and the other VPs sit around the conference table .</scene_description>
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <parenthetical>( with great importance . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>What is the best way for us to enter the teenage credit card market?</dialogue>
    <character>VP</character>
    <dialogue>Give away a free iPod.</dialogue>
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <dialogue>Yes.</dialogue>
    <character>ANOTHER VP</character>
    <dialogue>Include one with cans of Mountain Dew Code Red.</dialogue>
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <dialogue>Nice. Anyone else? Carl?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Have you guys thought that teenagers do n't have the financial knowhow to use a credit card?</dialogue>
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <dialogue>That's why they're such a ripe market. Any ideas on how to pick that low hanging fruit?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Include a Mastercard with every xBox.</dialogue>
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <dialogue>I like that. I like that a lot.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Chris SLAPS FIVE with Carl .</scene_description>
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Now remember, tomorrow's our official merger ceremony with KBI. So wear your nice suits. I'm talking to you, Feldman.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>All the VPs laugh . Carl fake laughs along with them .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. CARL'S APARTMENT</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl gets home . He hits play on his answering machine .</scene_description>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <parenthetical>( V.O . )</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>( over the answering MACHINE . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Hey, Carl. Peter here. Long time no see. Sorry to hear you wo n't be planning our engagement party. Although I guess that makes you less gay than I thought you were. We'll be watching the game at Rudy's tonight, if you're interested.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl DELETES the message . He FLIPS ON Survivor and starts to absentmindedly sort through his mail . He throws away junkmail until he gets to a postcard that catches his eye . He reads the postcard .</scene_description>
    <character>JASON</character>
    <parenthetical>( V.O . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Dear Carl. I know this is kind of random, but I thought I should write you. We met at that party at Norman's apartment. I was the INS guy who hated his life and hated you. I just wanted to tell you that I took your advice. I quit my job and have founded a home in Botswana for elderly orangutans. I've never been happier. You told me to say `` yes'' and it has turned out to be incredible. Thank you. Yours truly, Jason Newmark</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl TURNS OVER the post card . On the cover of the card is a picture an orangutan .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. CARL'S APARTMENT</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl 's alarm goes off . He opens his eyes . He 's PROPPED the post card up next to his alarm clock . The orangutan seems to be staring into his soul .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. CARL'S NEW OFFICE</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl 's writing a list of names . The post card lies on the desk nearby . His secretary pops her head in .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL'S SECRETARY</character>
    <dialogue>The executives are gathering in the conference room to officially greet the KBI Officials.</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( re : the post card . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Cute gorilla.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>It's an elderly orangutan actually.</dialogue>
    <parenthetical>( handing her the list . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Could you please call everyone on this list and tell them to show up at Rudy's Bar &amp; Grille this evening at 9PM?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL'S SECRETARY</character>
    <dialogue>Will do.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl starts to head out and then turns around .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I just want to say, it was really great having you as my first secretary.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL'S SECRETARY</character>
    <dialogue>You're not firing me, are you?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I do n't think I'm going to be working here much longer.</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. SOUTHWEST BANK - CONFERENCE ROOM</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl walks into the crowded room . Korean executives and Southwest Bank executives mingle . Carl heads towards Chris .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I need to talk to you.</dialogue>
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <dialogue>And I need to talk to you. You mind doing a little ceremonial translating?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I do n't know if I'm good enough at Korean -</dialogue>
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <dialogue>Believe in yourself and the world believes in you.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>SEUNG sees Carl and bows to him . Carl bows back . The Pretty Korean Banker sees Carl and coquettishly waves to him . Chris TAPS the microphone . The crowd sits down .</scene_description>
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>I'd like to welcome our new partners into the Southwest family.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Chris nods to Carl .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( in Korean , with SUBTITLES . )</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>( Welcome .</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>You will be my partner . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue />
    <character>SEUNG KIM</character>
    <parenthetical>( in Korean . )</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>( Thank you . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue />
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <dialogue>KBI is the at the forefront of the financial world. With your help, Southwest will be as well.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl takes a beat . Chris looks at him , expectantly .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( in Korean , with SUBTITLES . )</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>( He says that you are a son of a dog and like to have the dirty sex . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue />
    <character>SEUNG KIM</character>
    <parenthetical>( in Korean . )</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>( What ? )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue />
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <dialogue>We look forward to working together and extending our reach across the globe.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( in Korean , with SUBTITLES . )</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>( He says in Korea you poop on the ground and that here you can not poop on the ground . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue />
    <character>SEUNG KIM</character>
    <parenthetical>( in Korean . )</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>( That is factually inaccurate . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue />
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( in Korean . )</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>( I know .</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>But it 's what the bigot believes . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue />
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <dialogue>So with this hand shake, I make official the acquisition of Southwest by Korean Bank International.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Chris holds out his hand .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( in Korean . )</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>( Although you have poop on your hand , I am willing to shake it so I can steal all your money , you stupid Korean . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue />
    <character>SEUNG KIM</character>
    <dialogue>No.</dialogue>
    <character>CHRIS PARKER</character>
    <dialogue>Excuse me?</dialogue>
    <character>SEUNG KIM</character>
    <parenthetical>( perfect English with a British accent . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>We have a traitor in our midst. This man just called me a son of a dog and informed me that my hand is covered in fecal matter. He is clearly trying to sabotage the merger.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>You speak English?</dialogue>
    <character>SEUNG KIM</character>
    <dialogue>You think an international bank financier would n't speak fluent English? For whom do you work, traitor? Shanghai Bank? Chinatrust?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>For myself.</dialogue>
    <character>SEUNG KIM</character>
    <dialogue>Fine. Keep it secret. Unfortunately, I can not approve a merger with a company so incompetent as to have a business saboteur this high up. Good day.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Seung Kim walks out , followed by all his employees . Before Chris can say anything .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I quit.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl leaves .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. RUDY'S - NIGHT</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Peter , Lucy , Rooney , Norman , Tony , Loan Recipients , several Persian Woman - all of Carl 's friends along with everyone that he 's met on his Yes journey have gathered at Rudy 's .</scene_description>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>Why does he want us here?</dialogue>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>I have no idea.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Kath and Seb walk in .</scene_description>
    <character>KATH</character>
    <parenthetical>( to Lucy . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>You guys get the call as well?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>PAN OVER to Rooney standing alone . Farinoush , the Persian woman , walks over to him .</scene_description>
    <character>IRANIAN WOMAN</character>
    <dialogue>I'm Farinoush.</dialogue>
    <character>ROONEY</character>
    <dialogue>I'm Rooney.</dialogue>
    <character>IRANIAN WOMAN</character>
    <dialogue>You're tall.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Just then the lights go down . MUSIC CUE : Rocky Theme .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( over the loudspeakers . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Announcing the pending marriage of Peter Carlton and Lucy Giuliano!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl RIDES INTO THE BAR on a WHITE STALLION as WHITE BALLOONS FALL FROM THE RAFTERS . Carl JUMPS OFF the horse , and puts a CROWN on Peter 's and a TIARA on Lucy 's .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Congratulations on your engagement!</dialogue>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>Wow. There's a horse in here.</dialogue>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>Who are all these people?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I did n't have much time to throw this together. I got a stallion, did n't I?</dialogue>
    <character>LUCY</character>
    <dialogue>Thanks, Carl.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>MUSIC CUE : The Black - Eyed Peas `` My Humps '' Lucy KISSES Carl on the cheek . Everyone starts dancing .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. RUDY'S</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl 's standing outside . Peter comes outside . He 's drunk and is still wearing the crown .</scene_description>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>What're you doing out here?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl hands Peter a set of keys .</scene_description>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I entrust you to sell all my shit.</dialogue>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <dialogue>What're you talking about?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>A cab PULLS UP . Peter realizes Carl 's leaving .</scene_description>
    <character>PETER</character>
    <parenthetical>( cont 'd . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue>Say hello to her when you see her. Where is she by the way?</dialogue>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. WINDY STREET IN BANGKOK - DAY</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl 's in a tuk tuk being driven at breakneck speed down the windy streets of Bangkok . MUSIC CUE : ABBA 's `` One Night in Bangkok ''</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>EXT. BANGKOK ROOF BAR - NIGHT</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>Carl gets up to the roof . Renee 's looking out over Bangkok . He taps her on the shoulder . She turns .</scene_description>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>What're you doing here?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Yes.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>I did n't ask you a question.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Well, if you do that's what my answer will be.</dialogue>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>Are you here because you want to be here?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I just flew twenty - two hours. What do you think? Now can I please kiss you?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Renee nods . They kiss .</scene_description>
  </scene>
  <scene>
    <stage_direction>INT. CARL'S MICROLOAN OFFICE</stage_direction>
    <scene_description>CHYRON : SOME TIME LATER Carl has set up a makeshift loan office . He 's sitting across from a YOUNG THAI MAN .</scene_description>
    <character>YOUNG THAI MAN</character>
    <parenthetical>( in Thai , with subtitles . )</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>( I need ten thousand bhat to get my first tuk tuk .</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>If I get a tuk tuk I no longer have to mop the ping pong show floor and clean the snake . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue />
    <character>CARL</character>
    <parenthetical>( in Thai , with subtitles . )</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>( What snake ? )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue />
    <character>YOUNG THAI MAN</character>
    <parenthetical>( in Thai , with subtitles . )</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>( You do n't want to know . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue />
    <scene_description>PULL BACK TO REVEAL that Norman sits at the table next to Carl working with an OLD THAI MAN .</scene_description>
    <character>NORMAN</character>
    <parenthetical>( in Thai , with subtitles . )</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>( You guys do n't have Heroes ?</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>I do n't know you , but I think you would love it . )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue />
    <character>OLD THAI MAN</character>
    <parenthetical>( in Thai , with subtitles . )</parenthetical>
    <parenthetical>( If I like it will you give me money to fix my fishing boat ? )</parenthetical>
    <dialogue />
    <scene_description>EPILOGUE : EXT. . NIGERIAN PALACE CHYRON : Makurdi , Nigeria Carl and Renee get out a dusty minivan . A dirty , rundown palace rises before them . Carl HEADS to the front door and hits the BUZZER . A guard with a MACHINE GUN opens up .</scene_description>
    <character>MACHINE GUN GUARD</character>
    <dialogue>What do you want?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I'm here to see Omar. The former King of Nigeria.</dialogue>
    <scene_description>OMAR , THE FORMER KING OF NIGERIA , a large , boisterous man , comes up from behind the guard .</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR, FORMER KING OF NIGERIA</character>
    <dialogue>Is that Carl Kendall?</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>Omar! It's wonderful to meet you in person</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl and Omar hug .</scene_description>
    <character>OMAR, FORMER KING OF NIGERIA</character>
    <dialogue>And this must be Renee? What a delight!</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Omar bends on one knee and kisses Renee on the hand .</scene_description>
    <character>RENEE</character>
    <dialogue>Thank you, your majesty.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR, FORMER KING OF NIGERIA</character>
    <dialogue>Please, call me Omar.</dialogue>
    <character>CARL</character>
    <dialogue>I'm sorry for calling you a masturbatory Russian teenager.</dialogue>
    <character>OMAR, FORMER KING OF NIGERIA</character>
    <dialogue>Water under the bridge. What do you say to having a feast?</dialogue>
    <scene_description>Carl , Omar , Renee and the guard go into Omar 's palace . The door CLOSES BEHIND THEM . THE END</scene_description>
  </scene>
</script>
Bank loan officer Carl Allen (Jim Carrey) has become withdrawn since his divorce from his former wife Stephanie. He has an increasingly negative outlook on his life and routinely ignores his friends Pete (Bradley Cooper) and Rooney (Danny Masterson). An old colleague, Nick Lane (John Michael Higgins) suggests that he goes to a motivational "Yes!" seminar with him, which encourages its attendants to seize the opportunity to say "Yes!". Carl attends and meets inspirational guru Terrence Bundley (Terence Stamp). Bundley publicly forces a reluctant Carl to promise to answer "Yes!" to every opportunity, request, or invitation that presents itself. Later, Carl says yes to a homeless man's request for a ride and his car runs out  of gas, leaving him stranded in Elysian Park. Disillusioned, he hikes to a gas station where he meets Allison (Zooey Deschanel), an unorthodox young woman. She gives him a ride back to his car on her scooter and kisses him before leaving. After this positive experience, Carl feels more optimistic about saying yes. However, he refuses oral sex from his elderly neighbor Tillie (Fionnula Flanagan), and then falls down the stairs and is nearly attacked by a dog. Seeing the repercussions of saying no, he goes back to Tillie and to his surprise, enjoys the moment. Carl starts to seize every opportunity that comes his way. He renews his friendships with Pete and Rooney; builds a bond with his boss, Norman (Rhys Darby); assists Pete's fiancée, Lucy (Sasha Alexander), with her bridal shower; attends Korean language classes; and much more. He earns a corporate promotion at work and, making use of his guitar lessons, plays Third Eye Blind's song "Jumper" to persuade a man not to commit suicide. Accepting a band flyer outside of a coffee shop, he sees an idiosyncratic band called Munchausen by Proxy; the lead singer is Allison. He is charmed by her quirkiness; she is charmed by his spontaneity and the two begin dating. Carl and Allison meet at the airport for a spontaneous weekend excursion. Having decided to take the first plane out of town, regardless of its destination, they end up in Lincoln, Nebraska, where they bond more. Allison then professes her love to Carl and asks him to move in with her, to which he hesitantly agrees. While checking in for the return flight, Carl and Allison are detained by FBI agents who have profiled him as a potential terrorist because he has taken flying lessons, studied Korean, approved a loan to a fertilizer company, met an Iranian, and bought plane tickets at the last minute. Pete, his attorney, travels to Nebraska to explain Carl's odd habits, lessons, and decisions. As she finds out about Carl's motivational covenant, Allison begins to doubt whether his commitment to her was ever sincere. Deciding that she can no longer trust him, Allison leaves Carl and refuses to return his phone calls. Carl's life takes a turn for the worse and he almost forgets about Lucy's shower. He manages to arrange a major surprise shower, set his friend Norm up with Soo-Mi (Vivian Bang), a Korean girl, and Rooney with Tillie. After the party, Carl receives a tearful phone call from Stephanie, whose new boyfriend has walked out on her. When Carl goes to Stephanie's apartment to comfort her, she kisses him and asks him to spend the night with her. After Carl emphatically says no, his luck takes a turn for the worse and he decides to end his commitment to the covenant. Carl goes to the convention center and hides in the backseat of Terrence's convertible so that he can beg to be released from the covenant. Carl emerges as Terrence drives off, and an oncoming vehicle collides with Terrence, resulting in the two being taken to a hospital. After Carl recovers consciousness, Terrence tells Carl that the covenant was not real, but it was merely a starting point to open Carl's mind to other possibilities, not to permanently take away his ability to say no if he needed to. Freed from this restraint, Carl finds Allison teaching a sports-photography lesson and admits that he is not ready to move in with her just yet, but that he genuinely loves her, and they reconcile with a kiss as Allison's students take pictures. Later, they work together on the homeless clothes sale. At the convention center, Terrence enters the stage for his next “Yes!” seminar, while he does, he is shocked to see that his next audience are nudists. As the credits roll, Carl and Allison ride on skateboard suits down the road.