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My name is Lee Hawkins.
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I ve been a journalist for over 25 years.
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On my new podcast, What Happened in Alabama, I get answers to some of the hardest questions about how things came to be for many black Americans and the truth that must come before any reconciliation can happen.
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I investigate my family history, my upbringing in Minnesota, and my father s painful nightmares about growing up in Alabama.
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What Happened in Alabama is a new series confronting the cycles of trauma for myself, my family, and for many Black Americans.
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Listen now.
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Hi, it s your friend Tig.
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Happy Thanksgiving.
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I m thankful for you listeners for sticking with me and for all the dilemmas you ve created so we can have content for the show.
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Keep them coming, keep them coming.
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Wishing you and yours a lovely day, however you spend it.
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And if you re not spending it with anyone or you don t like Thanksgiving or the holidays are rough,
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I feel for you.
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I ll be thinking of you, and I think all the Beckys and Danas will also have you in mind during this season as well.
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This year, I m very, very scaled down.
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It s just going to be me, Stephanie, and our boys, and we re just going to have
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The four of us making and eating some food and just relaxing.
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That s all I want.
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And it s all that s going to happen.
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But I have to say it is my favorite holiday.
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I do love it so much.
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But this Thanksgiving, I just really feel like
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I needed time just with my immediate family, and I m so looking forward to it.
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But that s it.
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I just wanted to wish everyone the best, whatever you re doing, however you re feeling.
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And that s that.
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And now, here is the show.
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You were trying to convince the kangaroos to come to our show.
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And so, I have this video of you, like, very calmly explaining to the kangaroos where the show is, and it s gonna be great, and show up at seven.
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And these are actual kangaroos on a golf course.
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Yes, and we didn t really think that the signs applied to us, where they said, beware of the kangaroos.
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Well, because we also didn t understand that beware of the kangaroos meant they would kill you.
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Yes.
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I didn t know that.
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Me neither.
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I just thought they were as cute and sweet as the stuffed animals and cartoons appeared to be.
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And this is why we were hanging out really close to them.
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And then I see, out of the corner of my eye, the biggest kangaroo just charging toward you.
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Probably 10 feet tall.
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Yeah, it was insane.
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And I got so panicked and all I could say was, oh, jeez, Tig.
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Oh, jeez, Tig.
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Keep in mind, not a single kangaroo came to any of our shows.
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No!
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After the personal invitation on a golf course.
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This is Don t Ask Tig, I m Tig Notaro, and this holiday season, I m gratefully giving thanks and reluctantly giving advice.
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My guest today is an actress, comedian, and musician.
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Her credits include Raising Hope, Big Bang Theory, and voicing Velma in Scooby-Doo.
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She s also one half of the musical comedy duo Garfunkel and Oates.
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and most recently starred in the Netflix anthology series, Cabinet of Curiosities.
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Kate Micucci, my dear, dear friend.
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I m so pleased to have you here on Don t Ask Tig.
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Hi, Tig.
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Thank you for that intro and thank you for having me on your podcast.
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I love this.
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Of course.
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Yeah.
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So far, it s really fun.
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One minute in and we re doing great.
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Yes.
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I was going to say I have a lot of different friends and acquaintances and you re actually a really good friend of mine.
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Yes, I love that we re such good friends.
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And I just got to see you the other day.
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So I feel like I know we just hung out for real.
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And now here we are.
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Here we are.
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So thank you for having me on your podcast.
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It is my pleasure.
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And I was just thinking back to how we became friends.
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We were both performing at the comedy festival in Australia, in Melbourne, as they pronounce it out there.
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And my apologies to the people out there that just heard me.
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Pronounce it.
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Melbourne.
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Melbourne.
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Melbourne.
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That s how they say it, right?
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It is, I think, how you say it, right?
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I don t know.
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I mean, I think for us to say Melbourne or Melbourne, I guess that s not the right way.
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So, yeah, Melbourne.
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Yeah.
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I had no idea until I got out there.
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Melbourne.
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Melbourne.
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Melbourne.
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I know.
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I was thinking about that this morning, too, just thinking that we were going to be talking and how we had like a magical two weeks.
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We hung out every day for two whole weeks.
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And that really solidified our friendship in such a great way.
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Indeed, and it s perfect that this is coming out just before Thanksgiving, because as I mentioned, you really are one of my closest friends, and I appreciate your friendship.
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I mean, we re both so busy with our spouses and children and careers, but whenever I get to spend time with you or catch up, it s always like, ah, it feels so good.
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And you re staying home for Thanksgiving, right?
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Yeah, we re staying here.
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And thanks, I feel the same way.
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Even just the other night when we were at that show, I just felt so, like, filled up afterwards, you know?
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But yeah, we re staying in town for Thanksgiving.
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I have a tradition.
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I make cinnamon rolls and then watch the parade.
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And I ve been doing that since I was, like, 15.
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And it s my favorite thing.
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I love the parade so much.
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You love a parade.
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Every parade makes me cry.
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And if I m in a parade, forget about it.
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I just cry the whole time.
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It s incredible and what are you thankful for this year?
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SPEAKER_02
Oh, I don t know for everything for my family everybody is knock on wood healthy and happy and yeah, there s a lot to be thankful for in that sense and I m thankful for you Tig
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I guess that s what I was getting at.
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Yeah, yeah.
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Did I do it right?
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Okay, good.
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Well, I m thankful for you as well.
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Now, your latest project, Cabinet of Curiosities, on Netflix, it s a horror series?
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Yep.
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And being a comedian, what was it like doing horror?
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And do you enjoy horror?
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I don t like to be too scared.
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I love, like, suspense, and I love kind of, like, mind-bendy things.
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But scary, like, guts stuff, I normally don t gravitate toward, you know?
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But I love getting to act in it and do it.
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And the episode I m in is called The Outside.
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And I play a woman who really wants to be beautiful, and so she uses this beauty cream, thinking she s going to turn beautiful, and instead, things get crazy.
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Maybe a little scary?
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I think more suspenseful.
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It s actually not too scary.
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And I think in many ways, there is a bit of, like, humor in it, too.
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It was a blast to shoot.
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Martin Starr plays my husband, and we laughed so much.
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He s so great.
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He is amazing.
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He s just such a good guy.
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And we ve always been friends, but, like, you know, we really got to hang, and there were many times we were just, like, laughing so much.
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Like, how are we gonna stop laughing and then, you know, have to act in something kind of crazy and scary and good?
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That is the best.
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It is the best feeling.
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I think we were even talking about this the other night of like so many projects that you can work on where people can be not so great.
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Yeah.
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And I m all in for a good time on a project.
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It s all just about having a great time and enjoying the people around you.
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And yeah.
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I think it s trickier, especially with COVID and, like, people are separated a little bit on set, you know, and you can t really, like, mingle as much.
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But still, it s like, that project, we had such a fun time.
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The director is this really, really cool director, Anna Lily Amepour, and she... I ve never worked with someone who played music during a scene to, like, really feel it, you know?
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So, when I was a kid, my brother and I used to make movies in our backyard, and I would... didn t know how to edit the music in later, so I would just, like, play the Jurassic Park soundtrack while the scene was happening.
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And that s what it felt like.
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It was so much fun.
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I felt like we were just like kids in the backyard making a movie with just a much bigger budget.
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SPEAKER_01
Do you still have the footage of the movies you made?
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SPEAKER_01
Oh, yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
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You do?
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Oh, they re brutal.
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SPEAKER_01
Oh, my gosh.
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SPEAKER_01
You have to start uploading those somewhere.
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They re so terrible.
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I don t know that I d ever upload them, but I would totally show you those.
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SPEAKER_02
Okay.
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SPEAKER_01
All right, well, I ll report back to everyone.
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SPEAKER_01
Okay, great.
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SPEAKER_01
And Kate, you re an alum of Keystone College in Pennsylvania, and you were asked to give the commencement address this past spring, which is very cool.
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Did you give advice in your speech?
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I did.
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I actually really enjoyed writing that speech.
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I didn t know that I would like and it was just fun.
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I thought, OK, if I just had one graduate sitting in front of me, what would I want to tell them?
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And that s kind of how I approached the speech.
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And I really like came up with like the things that I use.
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And what d you say?
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I mean, I don t want to hear the whole speech.
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Yeah.
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You know, probably still have it on my computer.
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Let me pull.
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I m kidding.
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I won t do the whole speech.
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And I also I wrote a song at the end because I thought, oh, people do know me for like playing the ukulele.
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I might as well write a little ukulele song for the for the college.
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And then I like started almost crying.
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I felt so emotional because, again, like I love parades.
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I love anything where there s like a lot of people united doing the same thing.
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And to see all these graduates with their caps and gowns just staring at me while I had my ukulele, I like
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really was choked up while singing about Keystone College.
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I m trying to remember the advice.
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Like, one of them was this test I do.
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Like, if I m ever thinking on a big decision and I don t know which way to go, I usually write out the pros and the cons.
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And I really kind of, like, think about it so much before going to bed.
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And then in the morning, my first thought about it, that s what I end up doing.
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SPEAKER_01
Oh, yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
So you do the pros and cons list right before bed?
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SPEAKER_02
Yep.
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And I think on it a lot.
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And then in the morning, I usually have a clear answer.
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That s a really good idea.
0
SPEAKER_01
And do you feel like the success rate swings in your favor?
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SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I feel like almost all the time that I ve done that specific thing, I ve made the correct decision for myself.
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SPEAKER_01
That s good.
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But I will say like, it s not that I do it all the time.
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It s always when there s like a big, you know, big thing.
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Yeah.
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Should I do Don t Ask Tig?
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Yeah, that was a big one.
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SPEAKER_02
And that is the advice you gave during the speech?
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That was one of the things I said.
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I m trying to remember.
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SPEAKER_02
Oh, another thing I talked about was finding people who have similar interests and teaming up and how powerful it can be to have people that you work with.
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And when there s two people who are working in the same direction, it just adds so much power to the motor, you know?
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Yeah, yeah, I feel that way with Stephanie.
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I feel like once she and I connected, I mean, obviously, romantically, things moved quickly.
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But also, it took us a few years, two or three years before we collaborated creatively.
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And when we did, everything moved quickly as well.
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It was really something.
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It s pretty cool when it s undeniable that you can just feel it happening and you re like, whoa, now this is almost taking off faster than I even intended, you know?
0
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For sure.
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SPEAKER_01
And then Kate Velma, the Scooby-Doo character who you ve voiced for many years, came out this year as officially LGBTQ in Trick or Treat Scooby-Doo.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
0
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What was your reaction to her coming out?
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SPEAKER_02
I was so thrilled.
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I remember when I got the script, I was like, no way, no way.
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And then when we were recording it, I just couldn t help myself.
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Like, I was always like, this is so cool, you guys.
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This is a big deal.
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SPEAKER_02
This is so awesome.
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I just kept commenting as we were recording it because it turned out so well, too.
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It s such a great Scooby-Doo movie.
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So, um, yeah, I m just proud that she s out and able to live the life she wants to live.
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And was there... Yeah.
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When I was a kid watching Scooby-Doo, I wasn t thinking about anybody s gender or sexuality.
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You know what I mean?
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Totally.
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Was there speculation that she was gay?
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I think so.
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I feel like I ve always, like, throughout the years, especially since I ve played her, I ve read little things or people have said things, but it was never, like, a thing, I don t think.
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I feel like Peppermint Patty was very much the obvious.
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Like, this is likely somebody that s not going to end up married to a man.
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And just a little side note, I played Peppermint Patty in the fourth or fifth grade school play.
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Did you do You re a Good Man, Charlie Brown?
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SPEAKER_01
I think so, yeah.
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I love that show.
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And when you say you love that show, I m assuming you mean the one that I was in.
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That one, that specific one.
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SPEAKER_01
Okay.
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SPEAKER_02
Your Peppermint Patty.
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I ll never forget it.
0
SPEAKER_01
I think I had to wear a dress, but then I wore a baseball hat and I was pretty miserable because I didn t want to be in that dress.
0
SPEAKER_02
I hated wearing dresses too.
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SPEAKER_02
I would have to wear dresses for piano recitals when I was little.
0
SPEAKER_02
And I would beg to wear, do you remember in the 80s they had those shorts called jams?
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They were just kind of like colorful shorts.
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And I d be like, can I please wear my jams under my dress?
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SPEAKER_02
I just want to wear my jams.
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SPEAKER_01
I don t know about jams.
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SPEAKER_02
I haven t really thought about jams in a long time.
0
SPEAKER_02
I m gonna have to look it up and even see if it was a thing or if maybe it was just something my mom called my shorts.
0
SPEAKER_01
That s hilarious.
0
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Your mother is known for giving names to things and people.
0
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This is true.
0
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Kate s mother calls me the Tig.
0
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So there you go.
0
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My parents love you.
0
SPEAKER_02
It s so funny.
0
SPEAKER_02
It was so great.
0
SPEAKER_02
You are one of the only like friends from L.A.
0
SPEAKER_02
that have come to visit my parents  house in Pennsylvania.
0
SPEAKER_02
Because it worked out that we were in Philly and then we took the bus and they picked us up at the bus station.
0
SPEAKER_02
That was so much fun.
0
SPEAKER_01
It was fun slash embarrassing.
0
SPEAKER_01
I am not, as I ve said a million times, the biggest drinker that you ll come across.
0
SPEAKER_01
And it was your father, right?
0
SPEAKER_01
He was making vodka or gin and tonics.
0
SPEAKER_01
One or the other.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_02
Mike Micucci makes a real big drink.
0
SPEAKER_01
Well, he offered me one and I thought, well, I ll just have this.
0
SPEAKER_01
And so I had it.
0
SPEAKER_01
I was sitting in the recliner and I passed out middle of the afternoon in the recliner, fully reclined.
0
SPEAKER_01
And then I woke up later in the day, still in the recliner, reclined.
0
SPEAKER_01
And your parents  neighbors had come over and were in the same room just chatting with their neighbors.
0
SPEAKER_01
while I was passed out on the recliner.
0
SPEAKER_01
I can t even explain the confusion and embarrassment when I woke up in this recliner in this small town in Pennsylvania with your parents and their neighbors sitting and chatting while I slept.
0
SPEAKER_02
My version of that is we were both really tired.
0
SPEAKER_02
And I also was taking a nap on the couch, but I was like in and out kind of.
0
SPEAKER_02
And I just remember kind of being like, oh, the neighbors are here.
0
SPEAKER_02
And they re like having this conversation like, oh, yep, she s a comedian.
0
SPEAKER_02
Like talking about you while you re sleeping.
0
SPEAKER_02
While I m passed out.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s so embarrassing.
0
SPEAKER_02
Has she been on any shows?
0
SPEAKER_02
And I m just like... Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh, well.
0
SPEAKER_01
The TIG.
0
SPEAKER_01
The TIG.
0
SPEAKER_01
Leave it to the TIG.
0
SPEAKER_01
Kate, are you ready to give these listeners some advice?
0
SPEAKER_01
You betcha.
0
SPEAKER_01
Let s do it.
0
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All right, well, you grew up in Pennsylvania, and this first question is from a listener who lives there now.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh, great.
0
SPEAKER_01
Lindsey writes, I live with my fiance in a suburb outside of Philadelphia.
0
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One night, we were driving home in the evening after a school performance, and we wanted to order a pizza for pickup.
0
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I turned on my phone, called the generically named pizza shop on the way home, asked what time they closed.
0
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They said 12 midnight, and ordered a pizza.
0
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When we arrived at the pizza place around 10, it was closed.
0
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We realized that when I turned on my phone, it automatically generated my search for places in New York City.
0
SPEAKER_01
So our pizza was waiting for us two hours away.
0
SPEAKER_01
We could not agree on what to do next.
0
SPEAKER_01
Call the New York pizza shop to apologize.
0
SPEAKER_01
Pay for the pizza we won t eat.
0
SPEAKER_01
Don t call at all, assuming they have a procedure for extra pizza.
0
SPEAKER_01
Um, Lindsay, out of the gate, you ve got to be a fairly decent human being that you re still thinking about this to the point of fighting in.
0
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But, um, I would lean towards reaching out to the pizza place and explaining what happened and sorting it through with them.
0
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I ve worked at pizza places and no pizza goes uneaten behind the scenes, but it certainly wouldn t hurt to call and connect with them and explain what happened and offer to pay.
0
SPEAKER_01
They might be like, don t even worry.
0
SPEAKER_01
Sam in the kitchen gobbled that down immediately.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I highly doubt they even remember it because I feel like things just go awry all the time in kitchens.
0
SPEAKER_01
But paying for it would certainly be nice or extending yourself to at least have the conversation.
0
SPEAKER_02
I agree.
0
SPEAKER_02
I think in the moment when I realized that I would have just called and offered.
0
SPEAKER_01
I feel like it d be weird to do that now, like taking this advice now and then calling saying, Hey, a month ago, you know, but you can also, even if you did just honestly say, I ve been so paralyzed by what to do.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I m sorry, this is coming so late, but this did happen a month ago.
1
SPEAKER_00
As you were reading that, I thought the story was gonna take, like, a crazier turn and that, like, they were like, let s just hop on a train and go pick up the pizza, you know?
1
SPEAKER_00
That would have been really, like, just a fun adventure and a great life story, you know?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Maybe still take a train to New York?
1
SPEAKER_01
It s not that far.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
See if the pizza s still waiting.
1
SPEAKER_01
What if it was?
1
SPEAKER_01
What if Lindsay walked into that place and there was a pizza sitting there with her name?
1
SPEAKER_01
Just kind of gross and old.
1
SPEAKER_01
Very gross and old.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Not even kind of just very gross and old sitting there.
1
SPEAKER_01
Lindsay, pick up your pizza.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think that is the best advice.
1
SPEAKER_00
Go get it.
1
SPEAKER_00
Go get your pizza.
1
SPEAKER_01
Now, Lindsay, I would say just be honest with them that you didn t know what to do.
1
SPEAKER_01
And if you are embarrassed, say, I m embarrassed.
1
SPEAKER_01
It took me a month to do this.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then, you know, say that you listen to Don t Ask Tig.
1
SPEAKER_01
Tell them they should listen to Don t Ask Tig.
1
SPEAKER_01
Tell them to tell their friends to listen to Don t Ask Tig.
1
SPEAKER_01
And, you know, I think you ll get your pizza situation sorted out quickly.
1
SPEAKER_01
But that s what we have to say about it.
1
SPEAKER_01
Thanks for writing in.
1
SPEAKER_01
And Kate, it s time for a break.
1
SPEAKER_01
Then we have more questions.
1
SPEAKER_01
Sounds good.
1
SPEAKER_03
a six billion dollar con.
1
SPEAKER_03
It didn t take long for it to spread like wildfire.
1
SPEAKER_03
You got to take a look at this really crazy gold stock.
1
SPEAKER_03
A buddy of mine got in at a dime.
1
SPEAKER_03
Which destroyed lives and devastated communities.
1
SPEAKER_04
Every little town across the nation, people have shares in this.
1
SPEAKER_03
We lost everything.
1
SPEAKER_03
And to date, no one has been brought to justice.
1
SPEAKER_04
Somebody knows more than we know.
1
SPEAKER_03
The $6 billion gold scam from the BBC World Service and CBC.
1
SPEAKER_03
Search for the $6 billion gold scam wherever you get your podcasts.
1
SPEAKER_01
And we are back.
1
SPEAKER_01
Kate, this next question is from Stacy.
1
SPEAKER_01
Stacy writes, first of all, I love your love story.
1
SPEAKER_01
How did you know your person was the one?
1
SPEAKER_01
What advice would you have for us single folk?
1
SPEAKER_01
Thank you, Stacey.
1
SPEAKER_01
I love my love story as well.
1
SPEAKER_01
How did I know Stephanie was the one?
1
SPEAKER_01
I think the ease that presented just immediately.
1
SPEAKER_01
I know that in previous relationships, as much as I was into someone or committed, I was always thinking, hmm,
1
SPEAKER_01
that kind of we ll see or just kind of bouncing around in my head from, yes, no, I don t know, but I was still enjoying people.
1
SPEAKER_01
I just didn t have that solidified feeling that I had when I met Stephanie, where I immediately thought, oh, my gosh, I want to spend my life with this person.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s how I knew.
1
SPEAKER_01
What about you, Kate?
1
SPEAKER_00
You know, I mean, this is gonna sound really weird, but again, it was like, I know this sounds cliche, but it s that feeling.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, it s like, you know, people talk about it, and I think, like you, I dated a lot of people and, like, I d had that feeling, ah, maybe, or, but, like, if you re rattling around in your head other options or what else is out there, it s not the right thing.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then when I met Jake,
1
SPEAKER_00
I remember on our second date, we went out for brunch and then he said, do you wanna go look at houses?
1
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, really?
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay, yeah, sure.
1
SPEAKER_00
So we pretended that we were together for a long time and that we were looking for a house to buy.
1
SPEAKER_00
And it was, which I would just also say that s a great, fun date, no matter what.
1
SPEAKER_00
And we even got caught in the way that it would be in a movie.
1
SPEAKER_00
We re like, oh, where do you live?
1
SPEAKER_00
And we both said different places.
1
SPEAKER_00
And we were like, oh, ooh.
1
SPEAKER_01
We have two apartments.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, exactly.
1
SPEAKER_00
I know this is going to sound so weird, but while I was driving around with Jake on that date, I remember feeling like my grandmother was with us.
1
SPEAKER_00
And we re feeling like she was like, yes, Katie, this is a good one.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like I just I had never.
1
SPEAKER_00
felt that before.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I was just like, wow, I really feel I remember feeling very safe with him.
1
SPEAKER_00
And he was also a very good driver, which I think sometimes when I ve been on dates, I was like, oh, no, they re like a crazy driver.
1
SPEAKER_00
So I remember thinking I was very safe and that my grandmother was with us.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I took that as a sign.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s hot!
1
SPEAKER_01
That is a hot first date to be driving your grandmother around at 10 miles an hour.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s true.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s so true.
1
SPEAKER_00
And after our second date, it went so well.
1
SPEAKER_00
Our brunch turned into like 5 p.m.
1
SPEAKER_00
and I actually had a date later that night with someone else.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I said, I gotta go.
1
SPEAKER_00
And he was like, really?
1
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, yeah, I have a date.
1
SPEAKER_00
And he was like, oh, okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then I felt so bad.
1
SPEAKER_00
And the entire time I was on this other date, I was thinking about Jake.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, what am I doing here?
1
SPEAKER_00
And then I remember calling him and just being like, that date didn t matter.
1
SPEAKER_00
I really, really like you.
1
SPEAKER_00
And that was it.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, that was it.
1
SPEAKER_01
I had a similar situation where I had gone out with Stephanie, but wasn t sure if I should cancel with somebody else.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I thought, well,
1
SPEAKER_01
I should probably just go out with this other girl. 
1
SPEAKER_01
And Stephanie knew.
1
SPEAKER_01
You know, she was saying, look, I m not expecting you to not go out with other people.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I said, well, I do have this other date, and I just feel like I should do that.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then I did, and it was a disaster.
1
SPEAKER_01
And as soon as I walked out the door, I turned the corner, pulled over, called Stephanie, and I was just like, I m finished with that date.
1
SPEAKER_01
Can I see you now?
1
SPEAKER_01
And I immediately went and met up with her.
1
SPEAKER_01
at like 10 o clock.
1
SPEAKER_01
I couldn t wait to see her again.
1
SPEAKER_01
So, I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_01
I feel like, Stacey, I think there s advice within those stories.
1
SPEAKER_01
Just meaning, it s so dumb to say, but you know, you know, you know, you know.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I never understood that.
1
SPEAKER_01
And if you don t know, and you re sitting there thinking, I don t know, is this, is this?
1
SPEAKER_01
Then you don t know.
1
SPEAKER_01
But when you know, it s unmistakable.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think that s perfect advice.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I just think trying to make something work, it s really hard.
1
SPEAKER_00
It doesn t, it s just not the thing.
1
SPEAKER_00
There ll be something that comes along that s just easy.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then within that, it s not always easy.
1
SPEAKER_00
But like, I think the beginning, it should just feel so right.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, for sure.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, that s how Kate Micucci and I knew about our love.
1
SPEAKER_01
So good luck on finding yours too.
1
SPEAKER_00
And don t give up hope because I will say I feel like I dated so much.
1
SPEAKER_00
So many first dates.
1
SPEAKER_00
She did.
1
SPEAKER_00
I did.
1
SPEAKER_00
I did.
1
SPEAKER_00
And you have to put yourself out there and don t be afraid to.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think that s another thing because
1
SPEAKER_00
It s like kind of like playing the lottery.
1
SPEAKER_00
You got to be in it to win it.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s true.
1
SPEAKER_01
Look, I did not think long term love or marriage was in the cards for me either, because I dated a lot, too.
1
SPEAKER_01
Best of luck to you, Stacey.
1
SPEAKER_01
And Kate, this next question is from a guy who wants to be considerate.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_01
Will writes, there s a cute girl who works the register at a convenience store.
1
SPEAKER_01
I want to ask her out or maybe give her my number.
1
SPEAKER_01
But on Reddit, I see a lot of posts by women who are frustrated crying out to the universe
1
SPEAKER_01
I m not flirting with you.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s my job to be nice to you.
1
SPEAKER_01
I d like to think I know the difference, but maybe I don t.
1
SPEAKER_01
I don t want to stress her out or ruin her day.
1
SPEAKER_01
Is there a non-invasive way to show her my interest when I see her at her work?
1
SPEAKER_00
That s a tricky one.
1
SPEAKER_00
It is.
1
SPEAKER_00
But also, I think if you re two grown-ups and are just nice people, if he were to just say, I m interested, I think if it doesn t go well or she gets mad, as long as he doesn t say anything that s, like, inappropriate, which it sounds like he s not, it sounds like he s, like, so considerate that he s actually writing you to find out what to do, I feel like...
1
SPEAKER_00
You can t go wrong in just expressing some interest, right?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Maybe drop her a little note at the counter when you leave and put your number on there.
1
SPEAKER_01
And if you hear from her, great.
1
SPEAKER_01
And if you don t, then find a new convenience store.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s a great idea.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s it.
1
SPEAKER_00
OK.
1
SPEAKER_00
That way, the pressure is off her completely.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
And you can even add in the note.
1
SPEAKER_01
If I don t hear from you, I ll find a new convenience store.
1
SPEAKER_01
You don t have to see my face again.
1
SPEAKER_01
I think that there is something to say for delivery, as you were mentioning, like, if you say something weird, or something overtly sexual, or just weird, and it doesn t sound like you are that person, Will, so...
1
SPEAKER_01
I say, don t write a long letter, just say something short and sweet, not too sweet, but just direct and also say, absolutely, if I don t hear from you, no hard feelings and I ll go to a different store and you won t even have to worry about it.
1
SPEAKER_01
So, well, there you go.
1
SPEAKER_01
We re going to take a quick break to answer a question that came in our therapy etiquette inbox.
1
SPEAKER_01
This segment is where we answer those awkward questions we all have as people getting the professional help we need and deserve and is sponsored by BetterHelp Online Therapy.
1
SPEAKER_01
Charlie writes, Hi Tig, I would like to know how to go about finding a therapist.
1
SPEAKER_01
I ve talked to a few people that seem to have matched perfectly with a therapist on their first try.
1
SPEAKER_01
I, however, have had no such luck.
1
SPEAKER_01
I ve known for a while that I ve needed to go to therapy.
1
SPEAKER_01
I also have a son who needs therapy as well.
1
SPEAKER_01
The first therapist I went to nodded off while I was talking.
1
SPEAKER_01
A year ago, I found a family therapist that seems to be a good fit for both myself and my son, who is 13 years old and autistic.
1
SPEAKER_01
A few weeks ago, she ended our session saying she felt like she couldn t really provide the help we needed.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m so lost and frustrated.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s really difficult to go out there and look for help and then to have experienced these setbacks.
1
SPEAKER_01
How should I look for another therapist and what should I be looking for?
1
SPEAKER_01
Ah, I m sorry that you had some negative experiences finding a therapist, Charlie.
1
SPEAKER_01
I know it can be discouraging to struggle to find the help that you need.
1
SPEAKER_01
You make it very clear in your question that you have a unique set of issues, and the professional who is sensitive, attentive, and trained to deal with your specific life circumstances might take some time to find.
1
SPEAKER_01
But here is the good news.
1
SPEAKER_01
When you find that person, it s going to make this whole struggle worthwhile.
1
SPEAKER_01
You mentioned your son s autism.
1
SPEAKER_01
Finding the right person to help him might be a good place to start.
1
SPEAKER_01
You could search for therapists who specialize in autism or other forms of neurodivergence first, and then narrow down your search based on other factors.
1
SPEAKER_01
Also, keep in mind that once you find a therapist, it s perfectly okay to tell them about your past experiences with finding the right match.
1
SPEAKER_01
And keep in mind, even if they re not the right fit, they can still provide referrals.
1
SPEAKER_01
So any meeting still has the potential to be a positive step forward.
1
SPEAKER_01
This is a major choice and it costs you a lot of time and energy to invest in a new therapeutic relationship.
1
SPEAKER_01
So take your time and know that you re doing everything right.
1
SPEAKER_01
I ve gone to many different sessions and had phone calls with numerous therapists that were not quite right.
1
SPEAKER_01
So just know it s a typical situation.
1
SPEAKER_01
I hope this has been helpful.
1
SPEAKER_01
or at least somewhat reassuring, we wanna hear from you.
1
SPEAKER_01
Send us your therapy etiquette related questions at DontAskTig.org.
1
SPEAKER_01
Thanks to our sponsor, BetterHelp.
1
SPEAKER_01
Now let s get back to the show.
1
SPEAKER_01
Kate, this question comes from a foreigner wanting some help with celebrating Thanksgiving.
1
SPEAKER_01
Cal in Sweden writes, hi Tig and guest, that s you.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s me, hi.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m having a friend over for Thanksgiving and she is vegan.
1
SPEAKER_01
Any ideas for a really delicious vegan alternative to turkey?
1
SPEAKER_01
I m an American living in Sweden.
1
SPEAKER_01
where I can t find things like tofurkey, but I do want to give my Swedish friend some semblance of an authentic Thanksgiving meal.
1
SPEAKER_01
Any ideas you can offer are greatly appreciated.
1
SPEAKER_01
You know, I have to say that people that are not vegan, they always seem to go towards something like tofurkey.
1
SPEAKER_01
And that s great, but it s not necessary.
1
SPEAKER_01
You don t have to recreate or mimic the actual part of the meal that is missing.
1
SPEAKER_01
It doesn t have to look like or taste like turkey.
1
SPEAKER_01
There are so many other options.
1
SPEAKER_01
so I wouldn t stress about tofurkey.
1
SPEAKER_01
There are things like cauliflower steak, mushrooms.
1
SPEAKER_01
I mean, mushrooms go a long way, and you can get some really cool, fancy mushrooms that really kind of mimic meat, and it shocks people.
1
SPEAKER_01
Even eggplant.
1
SPEAKER_01
I don t know what kind of a cook you are, but I would say just don t worry about actually replacing the turkey.
1
SPEAKER_01
Just make something delicious and you re going to have the vibe of Thanksgiving with mashed potatoes and
1
SPEAKER_01
cranberry sauce or whatever other types of things that you add to your dinner.
1
SPEAKER_01
But I personally wouldn t be showing up to Thanksgiving thinking, where is my turkey alternative?
1
SPEAKER_01
Where s the thing that looks and tastes exactly like turkey or else I m not going to have a good Thanksgiving.
1
SPEAKER_01
Kate, I know you re not vegan, but any thoughts on that?
1
SPEAKER_00
I m not, but I m also not a huge meat eater.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I was just going to say, when Thanksgiving rolls around, the thing I am least excited about is the turkey.
1
SPEAKER_00
The other stuff is so much fun.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I think there s a much easier way to make those things vegan, like you were saying.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I m sure you can just get like the sweet potato, the vegan recipe for that.
1
SPEAKER_00
And the, you know, all these things that really make the Thanksgiving meal
1
SPEAKER_00
way more exciting.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so yeah, if you have everything even but the turkey, it ll still feel like Thanksgiving.
1
SPEAKER_00
But I was gonna say too, there might be a really fun way to get, you know how like they have those cake competitions where they re like, is this cake or the real thing, you know?
1
SPEAKER_00
Like maybe you could get some kind of vegan icing and make a cake in the shape of a turkey or just something like that.
1
SPEAKER_00
Just a fun little thing, you know, if you re really worried about representing a turkey at your meal.
1
SPEAKER_00
But I don t think it s necessary.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
You will not know the difference with the mashed potatoes, the different vegetables that you put on the plate and the big turkey cake.
1
SPEAKER_01
And vegan stuffing.
1
SPEAKER_01
I mean, you can definitely make that.
1
SPEAKER_01
There s vegan gravy.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s endless.
1
SPEAKER_01
Cal, try that out and let us know how it turns out.
1
SPEAKER_01
I really am curious.
1
SPEAKER_01
Kate, for our last segment, I m going to take us back in time.
1
SPEAKER_01
This is advice of yesteryear.
1
SPEAKER_04
When Jerry brags about taking Ginny out, he learns that she dates all the boys.
1
SPEAKER_05
So as we see now, menstruation is just one routine step in a normal and natural cycle.
1
SPEAKER_05
How do you choose a date?
1
SPEAKER_05
Well, one thing you can consider is look.
1
SPEAKER_02
I did everything you said, but my boss still hasn t asked me to lunch.
1
SPEAKER_01
This is where we take a real question from an advice column of yesteryear and we try to answer it a little better.
1
SPEAKER_01
This question comes to us from a Dorothy Dix column written in 1930.
1
SPEAKER_01
Dear Dorothy Dix, I m a 16-year-old girl, good-looking and well-dressed, but I talk an awful lot and never stop to think before I speak.
1
SPEAKER_01
But here is my tale of woe.
1
SPEAKER_01
I can t seem to make a hit with the boys.
1
SPEAKER_01
Do you think my talking too much has anything to do with it?
1
SPEAKER_01
Sweet 16. 
1
SPEAKER_01
I love her.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh.
1
SPEAKER_01
Do you have any advice for Sweet 16?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I just can t help but wonder why she feels that she talks too much.
1
SPEAKER_00
I feel like people have told her this because she s self-conscious about it.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I think, you know, women are expected to sometimes be quieter, especially in 1930.
1
SPEAKER_00
Um...
1
SPEAKER_00
And so, oh, if I could give her advice today, I would just say, be yourself as much as possible.
1
SPEAKER_00
And it won t matter.
1
SPEAKER_00
And just hang in there with those boys.
1
SPEAKER_00
Somebody is going to like that you talk a lot.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s right.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Some guy is going to show up driving slow and you re going to feel like your grandmother s in the car.
1
SPEAKER_00
What were you going to say?
1
SPEAKER_00
No, I was just curious.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know, you wonder where if she found somebody.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know?
1
SPEAKER_00
Almost a hundred years later.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
I know.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh my gosh.
1
SPEAKER_00
I hope she didn t try to make herself quiet.
1
SPEAKER_01
I know.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s kind of sad to think about someone going, okay, just talk less.
1
SPEAKER_00
Just talk less, you know?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
What would you say to her, Tig?
1
SPEAKER_01
I would say something very similar.
1
SPEAKER_01
Especially at 16, it sometimes takes a while.
2
SPEAKER_02
for people to understand who they are and what they re looking for and to find the right group of people that s gonna share interests and be like-minded enough to connect.
2
SPEAKER_02
And especially if there s not a lot of support in who you are, it s likely that Sweet 16 isn t around the right people, you know?
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, it is unfortunate when you think of anybody that didn t live the life that they really should have been living or, um... Yeah, trying to conform into what you think is the right thing, which, yeah, it sounds like she was trying to do.
2
SPEAKER_02
As soon as I figured out that I was gay and I figured out I was a comedian, I felt like my life just clicked into place.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yep.
2
SPEAKER_02
I hope Sweet 16 figured that out, but would you like to know what Dorothy Dix had to say?
2
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_02
Hit it, Dorothy.
2
SPEAKER_02
Sweet 16, I would say yes, because if you chatter all the time without putting any thoughts into what you are saying, you must be such a bore that you can t wonder that anybody flees from you.
2
SPEAKER_02
Believe me, dear child, there is no one else in the world more tiresome as a woman who just babbles.
2
SPEAKER_02
Conversation to be agreeable is a give and take proposition.
2
SPEAKER_02
Cultivate the habit of silence and meditation.
2
SPEAKER_02
Nothing will do more to make you attractive in men s eyes or to fit you to become a more desirable wife.
2
SPEAKER_03
Dorothy!
2
SPEAKER_02
Dorothy!
2
SPEAKER_02
That was such a great response.
2
Oh, my God.
2
SPEAKER_02
Dorothy is the worst.
2
SPEAKER_02
I mean, the worst.
2
SPEAKER_02
It s like relentlessly horrendous advice.
2
SPEAKER_02
I ve never heard anything positive out of this woman s trap.
2
SPEAKER_03
I mean, geez, it s just, I mean, it is a different time, but sadly, I still think that a lot of those things apply and people still feel those things today.
2
SPEAKER_03
So, uh...
2
SPEAKER_03
Be who you want to be and don t let people quiet you.
2
SPEAKER_03
And yeah, that s a bummer.
2
SPEAKER_02
Dorothy!
2
SPEAKER_02
Kate, that is the end of the road for this episode of Don t Ask Tig.
2
SPEAKER_02
This was so much fun, Tig.
2
SPEAKER_02
Thank you for having me.
2
SPEAKER_02
Thank you for being here.
2
SPEAKER_02
Do you have anything you would like to promote?
2
SPEAKER_03
I just want to say, yeah, check out Cabinet of Curiosities.
2
SPEAKER_03
It s actually a Christmas episode.
2
SPEAKER_03
So this holiday season, if you want a little horror and a little Christmas, that s where you can find it.
2
SPEAKER_03
And also just want to say happy Thanksgiving.
2
SPEAKER_03
And I hope that you enjoy the Macy s Thanksgiving Day Parade, because I know I will.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, Kate will be crying in her house.
2
SPEAKER_03
I will be.
2
SPEAKER_03
I ll tell you, I like to look for, like, oh, the person that misses their lip-sync cue when the song starts, or, like, you know, the person with the balloon that can t keep their balance.
2
SPEAKER_03
Like, I look for those things.
2
SPEAKER_03
It s just my favorite.
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Stephanie told me about her cousin s kids, and they just weren t really up with what was going on in TV and all that kind of stuff.
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SPEAKER_02
And then they were somehow watching the Thanksgiving parade, and one of the kids pointed and said,
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Look!
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A piece of cheese!
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And it was SpongeBob.
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SPEAKER_02
Oh no!
2
That s so cute.
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A piece of cheese wearing shorts.
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SPEAKER_03
A piece of cheese.
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And it was like in the middle of SpongeBob s heyday.
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SPEAKER_03
That is so funny.
2
SPEAKER_03
Oh.
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SPEAKER_03
Well, they were having fun.
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SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_02
Yeah, for sure.
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SPEAKER_02
All right, Kate.
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Thank you so much for taking the time to do the show.
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And I can t wait for I think I might be seeing you this weekend.
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SPEAKER_03
Yes, I think so, too.
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I look forward to hanging.
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SPEAKER_02
OK.
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And happy Thanksgiving.
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Thanks, Tig.
2
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Happy Thanksgiving to everybody.
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Bye bye.
2
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Bye.
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Don t Ask Tig is hosted by me, Tig Notaro.
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It s produced by Thomas Ouellette and Shana Deloria.
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Our executive producer and editor is Beth Perlman.
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Engineering and sound mixing by Alex Simpson.
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Digital production by James Napoli.
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Talent booking by Marianne Ways.
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Our theme music is Friend in Tig by Edie Burkell and Kyle Krushem, and Listen to Your Heart by Edie Burkell.
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Special thanks to Hunter Seidman.
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APM Studios executives in charge are Chandra Kavati, Alex Schaffert, and Joanne Griffith.
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Concept developed by Tracy Mumford.
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Our executive consultant is Dean Capello and Gobsmack Studios.
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You can always ask for advice at DontAskTig.org.
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Just write in with your problem or send us a voice memo.
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Remember to follow us on social media at DontAskTig.
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DontAskTig is a production of American Public Media.
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And as always, thanks Dana and I ll tell Becky.
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a six billion dollar con.
2
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It didn t take long for it to spread like wildfire.
2
SPEAKER_00
You got to take a look at this really crazy gold stock.
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SPEAKER_00
A buddy of mine got in at a dime.
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Which destroyed lives and devastated communities.
2
SPEAKER_00
Every little town across the nation, people have shares in this.
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SPEAKER_00
We lost everything.
2
SPEAKER_00
And to date, no one has been brought to justice.
2
SPEAKER_01
Somebody knows more than we know.
2
SPEAKER_00
The $6 billion gold scam from the BBC World Service and CBC.
2
SPEAKER_00
Search for the $6 billion gold scam wherever you get your podcasts.