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Hey folks, it s Lyle.
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Before we get into the episode, I wanted to talk to you guys about a new thing I m doing where you can help support my lizard endeavors by becoming a premium member of this podcast over at therapygecko.supercast.com
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You ll also get a bonus podcast episode once a month, a bonus live show episode once a month from all of the live shows I ve been doing around the world, a members-only live stream once a month, plus, you ll also support my ability to continue, hopefully, doing this podcast for a long time, doing it around the world,
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and also supporting my ability to occasionally go eat a slice of pizza.
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Go to therapygecko.supercast.com or find the link in the episode description to become a GECK legend today.
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All right, let s get into the episode.
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Hello.
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Hello.
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How you doing?
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Hey man, I m doing pretty good.
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How about you tonight?
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I m hanging in there, man.
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I m feeling all right.
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What s going on with you?
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Your name is Jason?
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Yeah, yeah, yeah, Jason.
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What s happening with you, Jason?
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How can I get you today?
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Well, I called in because I m kind of in like a little bit of a unique situation.
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See, my ex-wife lives with me.
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And my ex-girlfriend kind of like sits outside and stalks my apartment at like three in the morning because she doesn t know that my ex-wife lives with me.
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Um... Yeah, you were right.
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Yeah, that is quite a predicament.
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So, why does your... How long ago did you divorce your... First of all, which one was more recently your... Uh... I guess, actual partner.
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Were you more recently with the wife or with the girlfriend?
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With the girlfriend.
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Who most recently did not have the ex status?
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Okay, so you were dating this girl, and then you broke up with her, and then your ex-wife moved in with you?
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Well, my ex-girlfriend broke up with me.
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See, me and my ex-girlfriend, the stalker in question, we had dated previously to me and my ex-wife being together.
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And why does your, okay.
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So, okay.
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So that, that makes sense.
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You and you were with the wife and then the girlfriend.
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Who were you, who were you with first?
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The girlfriend first, then the wife, then the girlfriend again.
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Oh, okay.
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All right.
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Um, now why is your ex wife living with you?
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she found herself in a situation where she didn t have anywhere to go.
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So we were together for like eight years and I helped raise her kids.
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So her kids still consider me like, you know, a father figure or whatever.
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So, uh, kind of out of the kindness of my heart, I was like, well, if you don t have anywhere to go, she was like, I need a place to stay for a week.
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And then a week that was back in January.
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So like,
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Yeah.
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Uh, okay.
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So she s been living with, it s August right now.
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So she s been living with you for, I m not, I m going to, that s August is eight months, right?
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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Seven or eight months between seven to nine months.
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So why is she still there?
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That s a good question.
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Uh,
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She has a temper.
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So it s hard to bring it up with her without a lot of confrontation.
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But it, you know, she had previously said that.
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Okay, so she left me my ex wife did.
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Because she said that she felt like she had always been like using me because like, I was a person that would provide, you know, I give her a place of stay, you know,
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pay the bills, you know, I keep a steady job, things like that.
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And then she felt like she was never really in love with me.
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She was just there for the, I don t know, complacency of it.
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And then I kind of feel like the same thing is happening, just we re not sleeping together, you know?
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She broke up with you because she felt like she, Oh, she didn t just break up with me.
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She, she left me for a dude that was 10 years younger.
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The Stella s a ecstasy dealer and then kind of went on like a crazy binge and like, yeah.
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And, and, and when she left you for this guy, she told you that she didn t really love you and that she was just using you for your money and, and the things that you provide.
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Not necessarily money.
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I don t make like a crap ton of money.
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It s just like, it s enough to maintain a household where she necessarily didn t have to work or, you know, things like that.
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Yeah, but using not, yeah, she s, she was using you for your money and she told you that.
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Yeah.
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After the fact.
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Yeah.
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Okay.
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And then, um, she goes off.
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Do you guys have kids together?
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Did you say that?
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No, they re not my kids biologically, but you know, I treat them as such.
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Her kids?
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Yeah, she had three kids with one other guy, you know, not separate baby daddies, that they re all the same baby daddy.
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But you know, I, when I m when I met the kids, they were like, you know, between eight and 11 or so.
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And then, you know, I helped raise them.
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So like, they, they, they consider me their father, because their actual father wasn t anywhere in the picture.
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And do you still keep in contact with those kids?
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That s correct.
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How long were you away from your ex-wife before she moved back in?
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About three years.
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And during those three years, were you in contact with her kids still?
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For the first two years, no.
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But she s got two girls and a boy.
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The boy graduated from
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the Academy of Science and Arts.
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And when he graduated, he made like a big to do about, he didn t want the guy that she left me for there.
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He wanted me there because he felt like I contributed to his success.
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And then that is what started the conversation, you know, back up between us.
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All right.
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So he s graduating.
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He wants you there.
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And then how does this conversation go where she comes back into your house?
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Well, she had bounced around a few different places.
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She was like a live-in nurse for a little while, way out in the sticks.
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And then, you know, she lost that gig or whatever.
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And she was living in really sketchy places.
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And like, for real, because like the way that it ended, it wasn t like,
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you know, it was kind of out of the blue.
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And like, I still had feelings for her.
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So like, I didn t want to see her suffer.
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You know, knowing that I had the power to at least alleviate some of that, I thought that I would try to be the better person and go, hey, look, man, like, I m kind of just staying here by myself.
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Like, I have a decent job and shit.
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So like, you can come crash on my couch for a while.
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And like, it just, it s still there.
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Jason, you re a sweet man that your idea of being the bigger person in a relationship is letting your ex stay in your house and eat your food and paying for everything for her for eight months.
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That s very nice of you.
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Jason?
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Yeah, I m still here.
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Jason, I m not, I m not here to hurt your feelings, but like, let s talk.
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Is she still, um, is she still in the house?
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Are you, are you, where are you calling me from?
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Is she like in the fucking other room?
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No, she actually went to go shoot pool tonight with another guy who s like, I don t know, 15 years younger than her that she s trying to seduce.
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So I m just sitting here watching your stream, um, in my apartment.
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Jason, what are you doing, man?
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Jason?
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Um,
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And you re afraid to tell her to leave because she has a temper and she ll get mad.
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Jason has.
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No, I m afraid.
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I m afraid to tell her to leave because she doesn t have anywhere else to go.
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Like if I, if I was like, Hey, kick rocks, you know what I mean?
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Like she doesn t have a hot pan job and where we live at is kind of expensive to get a place to live.
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So it s like, I d be putting her out on her ass again.
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And.
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You know, personally, like I don t want to do that.
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Go ahead.
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The kids.
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How old are the kids now?
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They re grown.
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They re 18, 20, 22.
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Oh, Jason.
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Jason.
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Okay.
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I was going to say, I was going to say if you felt bad because of the kids, that s one thing.
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Um, fuck.
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I don t like telling people what to do.
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Jason, kick this woman out of your house.
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I do kind of feel.
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Like the kids might hold it against me to some degree, even though they re not kids or they re adults, obviously, but like, you know, Jason, man.
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All right, let s talk.
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I m talking about you, Jason, what do you do?
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I am a, uh, I I m a route driver.
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So I drive for a company that, you know, I drive around Houston.
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That s what I do.
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Okay.
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All right.
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Um, how, how do you feel?
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Are you happy?
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No.
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What s making you unhappy?
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Uh, the fact that like, I guess I got,
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You know, I had to struggle to find my own sense of identity and independence.
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And then I feel like it s kind of been stolen away from me and.
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Stolen away from you from this woman.
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Yeah, I mean, it was really hard to I love that woman, you know, and it was really hard to break away from her and.
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you know, to separate myself, find my own, like, sense of purpose outside of being a husband and a father to kids that aren t mine, you know, that I have no rights over.
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And then to have that thrust back into my life, and then, you know, and then I m obviously being taken advantage of again, but, you know, I struggle with the conflict of, I know I need to do what s right for me,
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But doing what s right for me means putting somebody in a situation of peril.
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And fundamentally, I feel like that goes against my nature.
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Jason, Jason, Jason.
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I know this is heavy, man.
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I m sorry.
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No, no, no, no, no, don t be sorry at all.
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I want to, I want to, I want to help you here because look, do you understand what, what if, what if we, what if we looked at it like this?
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What if we looked at it like this?
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Um, if it s in your nature to help people, why don t you help yourself, man?
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Because yes, kicking this woman out would make,
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her unhappy but uh having her stay is making you extremely unhappy my argument to that is this is a situation where you need to prioritize your own happiness over this woman the problem i have with that is if prioritizing my own happiness means that i would okay so the happiness that i would gain from kicking her out is
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not comparative to the suffering that she would be subject to.
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Jason, I m going to look, can I put this to another way?
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The suffering that this woman subjects herself to you have.
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Okay, dude.
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And this is, and this is something I really, I really, I really, really want you to understand.
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This woman s suffering is her own fault.
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It s her.
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She s how old is she?
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She is 42 she s a 42 year old woman Jason
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She needs to be responsible for her life.
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Okay, not you.
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Her suffering her not having a place to go, and her having not being able to have a job or doing any of these things about and her life not being together is not your
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doing.
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Jason, you ve only ever helped this person.
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And at a certain point, she needs to go help herself.
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And by God, I d understand the situation a little bit more if it was somebody who, who, who you had a great relationship with, who you shared kids of your own with, who said something to you other than, I literally point blank was using you for your money.
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Jason,
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You got to let her be responsible for herself, man.
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That s hard to do, man.
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Like, it s hard for me, like, regardless of the situation of any individual, I find it hard for me to inflict, you know, suffering upon another individual when I have the means to not do and you re right.
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I m not I m not disagreeing with you.
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It s just hard to get to that point where I m like, hey yo, you know.
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kick rocks, bro.
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Like, it s hard to do.
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God damn, I really hope there s a heaven, Jason.
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You re the first person I ve met that made me think that.
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I really hope there s a heaven.
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Because the fact that, you know, the idea of you dying and, you know, you never get anything in return for this path of selflessness that you ve chosen is upsetting to me.
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Dude.
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That s kind of you to say.
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Jason, have you talked to anyone else about this?
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I have and I actually talked I had a therapist for a while for a over a year.
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And like granted, she would if she heard this, she would tell me that, you know, having her stay with me was a absolutely terrible idea.
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It s a terrible idea.
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So knowing that your therapist thinks it s a terrible idea, knowing that I think it s a terrible idea, knowing that there s not a single person on the world that you would talk to about this, that would tell you that it s not a terrible idea.
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Why do you remain unconvinced?
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I don t know.
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I m like hurting people, man.
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Like I don t like putting people in situations of discomfort.
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Like, regardless of their situation with me, even if it was like a random stranger, I would still be in the same position, I think, mentally.
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Yeah, but you re hurting yourself every day.
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Jason, do you have any family, do you have any other family?
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Do you have, are your parents still around?
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Um, my parents got divorced when I was
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very young, less than two.
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I was raised by my mom.
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And like, she wouldn t approve of the situation either.
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And I kind of been keeping the fact that my ex-wife is staying with me a secret from everybody because literally no one would say that this is a good idea.
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We know nobody would say it s a good idea.
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So do you have any friends?
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No.
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And you don t have any children of your own aside from this woman s children, right?
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No, I have a half sister who is a strange, we ll say.
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And then my mom and that s pretty much it.
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So are you are you close with your mom?
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Yeah, very close.
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Okay, great.
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Have you talked to her about this?
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No.
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I don t really want to get my ass reamed by my mom for my terrible decision making.
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What about your dad?
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What s up with him?
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We don t have a great relationship.
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Okay.
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Do you have any friends at work?
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Or you drive a car, so you re pretty much alone during the day.
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I drive a truck.
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I drive one of those snub-nosed box trucks that you see going down the road delivering random things.
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That s what I drive.
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It s a very, very lonely job.
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I spend 5% of my day conversing with other humans.
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God, I really do hope there s a heaven Jason.
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I really do Tell me about this, okay, let s put a pin in this ex-wife Situation tell me about this ex-girlfriend cuz that s the other part of this that you wanted to talk about
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Tell me about this ex-girlfriend, because that s the other part of this that you wanted to talk about.
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Because not only do you have this ex-wife situation going on now, your ex-girlfriend is currently stalking you as well?
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Yeah, so we dated before me and my ex-wife were together, and it ended tragically.
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She left me for a guy, like a meth dealer or something.
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And then that ended badly.
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And then me and my ex-wife had gotten together, and then we spent the next eight years together.
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And then after me and my ex-wife split,
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found and in you know and came back into my life and everything was cool for like we were together for like a couple of years and then like she cheated on me with her ex and then kind of was just like it seemed like one of those situations where somebody like they find something stable and then they they re not used to it so they rebel against it so then she left me
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Right?
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So, and then, like, after the fact, when, after the fact, when I was like, okay, well, I m, I m actually done with this because I ve learned some lessons.
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Right?
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And she was like, kind of went sideways about it.
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It s been like sending me like crazy ass texts, you know, like angry as shit because she left me, but I won t get back with her.
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And then like three o clock in the morning, she s sending me messages.
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Like, you know, I was outside of your place.
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for like 15 minutes, but I didn t want to come and knock on your door.
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And it s like, Jesus Christ, man.
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I can t, I can t get away from these crazy ass women.
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Did you have friends growing up?
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Uh, I have one quasi long-term friend.
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Uh, I moved around a lot, like being raised by a single mom and a
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less than advantageous financial situation, you find yourself moving around a lot.
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And when you find yourself in that situation, you have to reinvent yourself.
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You find new friends.
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So I don t really have any long-term friends or family members.
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So I m kind of just going solo in this.
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Well, look at you now, man.
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I m proud of you, because it sounds like you grew up in not a great financial situation, and now you have enough money not only to support yourself, but to support your wild ex-wife.
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Yeah, I guess so.
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So no, and I know it s funny, but I seriously should be proud of yourself for that.
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Jason, you really should, because it sounds like you went through a lot to get where you are right now.
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Thank you for saying that.
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Okay, so you ve kind of been alone in your whole life.
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Yeah.
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Hmm.
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Dude, what would your life look like if it was really good?
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What would that look like?
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I mean, that s a good question.
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I guess... You know, it sounds simple, but basically, the kind of life that afforded me to sit around a bonfire on the weekends
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with some friends, just barbecuing, you know, with the tailgate down, the truck with some music on, just shooting shit.
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You know what I mean?
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Just kind of like not taking things too seriously.
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Like I got, I got, I got meth tattooed on my arm because like, that s kind of like how I want to go about life.
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Like I just, I want it to be like, ah, it s not that big a deal.
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Like everything s good when you look at it from the broad perspective.
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But it doesn t really seem that it actually plays out that way.
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Because you d like to be able to kick your ex-wife out, and when she bangs on the door, turn around and go, meh.
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But for some reason, you can t do that.
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Yeah, that sounds pretty accurate.
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I have a high sense of morality, I guess.
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When it comes to my own personal act, maybe I m very critical of myself.
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Why are you critical of yourself?
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You know, my whole life, man, I ve been told that dudes are like pieces of shit.
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You know what I mean?
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Like we re all toxic.
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We re all like, there s no good dudes in this world.
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Like I ve seen that over and over again.
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And I kind of made it my like,
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fixture to prove that wrong.
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There are actually good people in this world who just want the people that they love to be successful and happy.
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It s hard to prove that to people.
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SPEAKER_01
I guess they just have their own walls or something.
2
SPEAKER_00
Hmm.
2
SPEAKER_00
Jason, have you ever done anything outside of your normal routine to put yourself out there to make new friends or to meet girls or anything like that?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
I ve kind of had this, this, um, this experience recently where like I go on like dating apps and I m like, Hey, you know, maybe I can meet somebody.
2
SPEAKER_01
Maybe I can meet somebody new.
2
SPEAKER_01
You know what I m saying?
2
SPEAKER_01
Somebody I have zero contact with outside of my previous life.
2
SPEAKER_01
And the response I ve gotten is that, and this sounds harsh, but it s true, is that, like, I m too ugly for other women.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like, no one wants to take the time to get to know someone else.
2
SPEAKER_00
Who told you that?
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
2
SPEAKER_00
Who told you that?
2
SPEAKER_01
Uh, in the last three months, three separate women on dating apps were like, well, you know, you seem like a cool guy, but you know, you re, you re not that cute.
2
SPEAKER_00
The three different women on dating apps told you that?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
I look, man, I don t, I don t consider myself like a, like a, like a, a nine or anything like I,
2
SPEAKER_01
Or a 1.
2
SPEAKER_01
I think I follow like a 5 or a 6.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like I m 6 2 , like 170.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m a ginger.
2
SPEAKER_01
It is what it is.
2
SPEAKER_01
You know what I mean?
2
SPEAKER_01
Like, I m not everybody.
2
SPEAKER_00
You re 6 2 , 170.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s pretty good right there.
2
SPEAKER_01
I guess.
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, my job is pretty active, man.
2
SPEAKER_01
Jason.
2
SPEAKER_00
You said you went to therapy before?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, for like over a year, man.
2
SPEAKER_01
It was expensive, but at the time I could afford it.
2
SPEAKER_01
I can t anymore, which might be why I m talking to you.
2
SPEAKER_00
Was it helpful when you had it?
2
SPEAKER_01
Very, very helpful.
2
SPEAKER_01
If anybody thinks that they can t be helped by therapy, they re wrong.
2
SPEAKER_01
Everyone can be helped by therapy.
2
SPEAKER_01
It was a beautiful thing, man.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like, I miss my therapist.
2
SPEAKER_01
I hang out a lot with him.
2
SPEAKER_00
Just, I want to keep talking to you about this, but will you do me a favor?
2
SPEAKER_00
After this call, if you could, and I might, you know, this fucking just comes up so much on the podcast that I ve done a little bit of research into it.
2
SPEAKER_00
Can you try to, can I ask you what state you live in?
2
SPEAKER_00
Texas.
2
SPEAKER_00
Texas go to the go to the I don t know how far you are to like the University of Texas or whatever but like You can go to you can I ve looked into that.
2
SPEAKER_00
I ve never tried it myself I actually kind of want to and report back.
2
SPEAKER_00
See how it goes, but you can go to Like a university
2
SPEAKER_00
And if they have a psychology department, I think they have these things where you can, like, get free therapy from grad students or something like that.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t know for sure.
2
SPEAKER_00
Don t quote me on it.
2
SPEAKER_00
But I think there are resources to get free therapy.
2
SPEAKER_00
I think you should you should take advantage of them.
2
SPEAKER_00
So go do that, because, you know, I want to keep talking about this, but maybe it ll take a few
3
SPEAKER_01
sessions with a real therapist over the long term because I don t know man I m thinking about so many things and it s like dude I could tell you a lot of things and I could tell you that you need to put yourself back out there but at the end of the day it s like I I feel like you just have these like fundamental beliefs about yourself and I don t know who put them there I don t know if it was these like
3
SPEAKER_01
series of horrible relationships or unfortunate encounters that you ve had.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t know where these ideas that you have about yourself came from, but you need to undo them and get them out of your head.
3
SPEAKER_01
Because you are, you don t deserve to
3
SPEAKER_01
feel that way about yourself, especially after all of the goodwill that you ve tried really hard to act with in your life.
3
SPEAKER_01
You know, and I also and I also think that I mean, you have so many
3
SPEAKER_01
good years ahead of you, if you can undo those.
3
SPEAKER_01
bad thoughts that you have about yourself and find somebody who gives a shit about you and kind of make this chill bonfire life that you re talking about.
3
SPEAKER_01
I really, I really think it s in, it s in the cards for you, but you gotta undo these horrible ways that you have of, of, of thinking about yourself.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s, uh, I like that advice.
3
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
3
SPEAKER_00
I appreciate that, man.
3
SPEAKER_01
Hmm.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m trying to think of what else, man.
3
SPEAKER_01
Um, have any, have, have either of these, this X, this woman has been living with you for eight months.
3
SPEAKER_01
She hasn t tried to hit you.
3
SPEAKER_01
Has she?
3
SPEAKER_00
Uh, my ex wife hit me a lot.
3
SPEAKER_00
Uh, I actually had to have surgery to remove a, like a, like a cyst, you know what I m saying?
3
SPEAKER_00
That, that devolved from the, but the ex girlfriend, no, she s more like psychological warfare, but the ex wife, yeah, no, she was highly abusive.
3
SPEAKER_00
And it is in Texas, man.
3
SPEAKER_00
You can t probably in any other state.
3
SPEAKER_00
You can t be like, Hey, my wife s beating me.
3
SPEAKER_00
You know what I m saying?
3
SPEAKER_00
Like it,
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
It was always my fault, right?
3
SPEAKER_00
I drove her to that or I made her insane or you know, whatever.
3
SPEAKER_00
Can I ask you something?
3
SPEAKER_01
Can I ask you something?
3
SPEAKER_01
Do you, and bro, I m not, I m not a real therapist, but I m, I m, I m captivated by your story at this moment.
3
SPEAKER_01
I get that.
3
SPEAKER_01
Do you understand even a little bit, and this is a genuine, genuine question, because you seem like a, you know, a self-aware guy and a smart guy.
3
SPEAKER_01
Do you understand the effects of a relationship like that?
3
SPEAKER_01
Do you understand the effects that that relationship has likely had on you?
3
SPEAKER_01
Give an awareness of that.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_00
I struggle with this.
3
SPEAKER_00
I grew up watching my mom be highly abused.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I don t know if I fall into that same pattern of accepting abuse as a byproduct of emotional instability.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_00
Hmm.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m sorry to make you think so much, man.
3
SPEAKER_01
No, don t be, don t, you, you got, you got nothing to apologize for.
3
SPEAKER_01
No, I want to be thick.
3
SPEAKER_01
Cause I m like, I m like, dude, no, I want to.
3
SPEAKER_01
I d love to get a call from you a fucking year from now to hear that you found somebody new and you re having bonfires and you re living a good life.
3
SPEAKER_00
I d probably just be playing Minecraft, just hating myself.
3
SPEAKER_01
Have you gone on any, when you were on the dating apps, did you go on any successful dates?
3
SPEAKER_00
No.
3
SPEAKER_00
The thing is, the thing is, like, that I, I think that I run at a high level.
3
SPEAKER_00
And so like, you know, I m talking to you about some, like, really deep shit, right?
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, but my life is kind of full of really deep shit, right?
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, so, like, really deep shit is
3
SPEAKER_00
kind of the norm for me and and like that kind of scares people off like they don t want people of substance and value right tell me tell me what you tell me what you mean when you say that your life is filled with really deep shit so okay well my
3
SPEAKER_00
My mom raised me, right?
3
SPEAKER_00
And then like me and, or my mom and my dad broke up and split off when I was like one or two.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then after that, my mom raised me, but like, she was in really bad position because she was raised terribly by a highly abusive father of hers.
3
SPEAKER_00
So she found men that kind of emulate that, you know, aspect of themselves.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
So you re just a descendant of a long standing pattern of all this shit.
3
SPEAKER_00
Kind of.
3
SPEAKER_00
So, so when I was like nine, uh, my mom decided that I would be better off living with my dad because like he lived this quote unquote stable life.
3
SPEAKER_00
So she kind of sent me off to go stay with him and he was in a different state.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I went and stayed with him and then
3
SPEAKER_00
I have an older brother or an older half brother who happened to be living there at the time.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then when she sent me off to live with my dad, my brother molested me for like two years.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then like whenever I finally got the courage to tell my dad about it, he acted like nothing happened.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then
3
SPEAKER_00
It just continued to happen for another year before he set an apartment building on fire and got sent back to Texas.
3
SPEAKER_00
And it just, like, it just kind of compounded things, man.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, it just, like, I had a really kind of fucked up view of what dudes were, and then, like, had no idea on what it would, what it was to be
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, you know, I m a man, I guess.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t really know.
3
SPEAKER_01
So you just had such horrible views and of like these male models in your life of your brother and your dad that you kind of just swore you were like, I m never, ever, ever going to be somebody that inflicts any kind of modicum bro upon anybody.
3
SPEAKER_00
Let me tell you.
3
SPEAKER_00
that like the person I am today is almost living in spite of that.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, in spite of the male figure.
3
SPEAKER_00
Which in itself regards itself like, am I doing this for my own thing?
3
SPEAKER_00
Or am I actually a good person?
3
SPEAKER_00
I struggle with this shit all the time, man.
3
SPEAKER_01
And so you re like, so, so, so don t want to be anything like these horrible models that you had growing up, that you don t want to kick out your ex-wife who totally you got to kick out.
3
SPEAKER_01
Is that kind of what s going on?
3
SPEAKER_00
If you want to put it in a, in a box.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean, yeah, I guess so.
4
SPEAKER_00
Well, I guess not putting it in a box, but maybe it sounds to me like that s a contributing factor to what s going on.
4
SPEAKER_01
I guess that s why I m talking to a gecko on the computer.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh man, Jason.
4
SPEAKER_00
Jason fuck man.
4
SPEAKER_00
What what what does your company?
4
SPEAKER_00
I want I want to get you into How do we get you to talk to a real?
4
SPEAKER_00
Therapist or something cuz it would be Dude, I just I just feel like
4
SPEAKER_00
If you were able to unlearn these horrible things about yourself, I think you could really turn it around and have a good life.
4
SPEAKER_01
I agree with you, man.
4
SPEAKER_01
You agree with me?
4
SPEAKER_00
You want to get your feeling that way about yourself?
4
SPEAKER_00
Jason?
4
SPEAKER_00
I m listening.
4
SPEAKER_00
You agree with me?
4
SPEAKER_00
You have the same modicum of optimism that I m feeling?
4
SPEAKER_01
No, but I m listening.
4
SPEAKER_01
Look, man, it s not that I m not, it s not, it s not that I m not optimistic, but like, look, man, like it, it s, I want to be optimistic.
4
SPEAKER_01
I know that there s, there s a bright side out there and I just feel out of touch with it.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like, I don t know how to get back with it.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like I find myself like falling further and further into this like spiral of, you know, losing things that I m interested in, you know, like finding joy in life.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I know that there s a way to overcome it.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I know therapy helps.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I get that, man.
4
SPEAKER_01
I truly get like, like, you know, real, you know, psychotherapist or whatever.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I find great enjoyment in talking to you, man.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like, I respect you.
4
SPEAKER_01
You re a good dude, man.
4
SPEAKER_01
You have good intentions.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I just,
4
SPEAKER_00
Tell me, um, on that spiral on fall, losing touch with the things that gave you joy in life throughout your life, even, even, I mean, you can go back to when you were like 13 or anything, anything, anything at all.
4
SPEAKER_00
What, what has given you joy?
4
SPEAKER_01
Um, the quest for knowledge.
4
SPEAKER_01
I was an astrophysics major in college and I wanted to be a professor of cosmology.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I truly find joy in finding answers to things that other people don t have answers to.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like, it would be great to be a teacher, right?
4
SPEAKER_01
But teaching doesn t pay well, so you can t pay the bills with that.
4
SPEAKER_00
I ve been doing this lately if you re cool I don t know if you re cool with this But I was gonna see if the chat have any questions of things that they wanted to ask you Sure Chat do you have any questions for Jason?
4
SPEAKER_00
I?
4
SPEAKER_00
Haven t looked at chat once so I
4
SPEAKER_00
Good, good.
4
SPEAKER_00
Here, I ll feed you the questions.
4
SPEAKER_00
Well, someone said, Paul says, Jason is fucking smart.
4
SPEAKER_00
I wanted to do astrophysics, but it s just too hard.
4
SPEAKER_01
Nah, it s really not.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s actually not that hard.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s just physics in a vacuum.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s not that bad.
4
SPEAKER_00
inglorious bastard wants to know if your therapist ever talked to you about negative core beliefs.
4
SPEAKER_01
That s a broad question.
4
SPEAKER_01
I would say yes, but it doesn t address like the problem that I have is that I ask very specific questions.
4
SPEAKER_01
And when when you talk to somebody who like all therapists need a therapist, right?
4
SPEAKER_01
So when you start talking to a therapist, when you ask them very specific questions, they find it hard to answer those questions because it s hard to insert yourself into someone else s mind state over X amount of years.
4
SPEAKER_00
Somebody asked what you play besides Minecraft.
4
SPEAKER_01
Still the Singularity I play.
4
SPEAKER_01
Also, I 100%ed Persona 5 Royale.
4
SPEAKER_01
I mean, don t know if that helps.
4
SPEAKER_01
Other than that, I just, I watch YouTube videos.
4
SPEAKER_01
I haven t watched a TV show or a movie in literally years because I don t have the attention span for it.
4
SPEAKER_00
Who do you, who do you watch on YouTube?
4
SPEAKER_01
let s see there s um there s the occasional mr beast video and then i listened but not to slight you but i listened to you on spotify uh as a podcast and yeah yeah yeah so what i do is i listen to that i work two jobs so i have my primary job and then like as soon as i get off work on my primary i get to work at like three in the morning
4
SPEAKER_01
And then when I get off work, I immediately go and I do DoorDash.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I listen to you while I m doing DoorDash because I drive a gigantic ass truck in the fourth largest city in America.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s hard to concentrate when you re doing that.
4
SPEAKER_01
So Therapy Gecko isn t necessarily the thing to listen to.
4
SPEAKER_01
I would say, I have a hard time even with Minecraft, man.
4
SPEAKER_01
Anything that is longer than
4
SPEAKER_01
25 minutes I have a hard time holding on to.
4
SPEAKER_00
Ipout08 says, do you have any hobbies?
4
SPEAKER_00
Because hobbies help the mind a lot.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I struggle with that.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s one of the things that I talk to my therapist about a lot was that I have no hobbies.
4
SPEAKER_01
I have no interest or likes or friends or anything like literally like I m just like, eh.
4
SPEAKER_01
I know, man.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m throwing a lot at you.
4
SPEAKER_00
No, no, no, no, no.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t want you to be sorry, Jason.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m fucking thinking here.
4
SPEAKER_00
Somebody in the chat asked this.
4
SPEAKER_00
What would you say to somebody who you loved, who was in a similar situation as you?
4
SPEAKER_00
That s a damn good question.
4
SPEAKER_01
I would tell them to run as far as they can, but I m also in a position,
4
SPEAKER_01
I m also in a position of knowing how hard it is to run from something like that.
4
SPEAKER_01
What is your capacity to hurt somebody?
4
SPEAKER_01
You know what I mean?
4
SPEAKER_01
What level of... When you say take care of yourself, right?
4
SPEAKER_01
Look out for yourself.
4
SPEAKER_01
What capacity of selfishness is involved in that to the point that you have to ignore someone else s suffering?
4
SPEAKER_00
But you have to understand that you re not caught like you re just you re you re the your perspective on this situation is warped by Years and years and years and years of What sound like an unfortunately very traumatic experience.
4
SPEAKER_01
I like I like that extra years you put on that Sorry
4
SPEAKER_00
This is why I m not, this is why you don t do unlicensed therapy on the fucking Twitch.
4
SPEAKER_00
But dude, I just want your perspective on this whole situation is warped.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I don t know what it s going to take to unwarp it, because you are not the cause of this woman s suffering.
4
SPEAKER_00
She s 42 years old.
4
SPEAKER_00
And by the way, I want you to know something.
4
SPEAKER_00
You can still care about this woman, even if she s been awful to you.
4
SPEAKER_00
You can still care about her.
4
SPEAKER_00
You can still, in your guts, in your heart, in your mind...
5
SPEAKER_00
think it s it s healthier want her to succeed in life but not at your expense not constantly at your expense and you know I wish I wish it was as easy as me telling you that I know it s not
5
SPEAKER_01
I know what you re saying.
5
SPEAKER_01
I mean, and it makes it logically makes sense.
5
SPEAKER_00
Bim Bam Bop says, Jason, come to the Netherlands and smoke a joint with me.
5
SPEAKER_00
That sounds fun.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
Sounds like some good conversation.
5
SPEAKER_01
Do I, do I need to go to another portal to get to the Netherlands or
5
SPEAKER_00
You know, I never, I never made the connection of netherlands and like the word nether meaning like an underworld.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s pretty good.
5
SPEAKER_00
Hmm.
5
SPEAKER_00
Jason, um, I m going to tell you this before we go.
5
SPEAKER_00
Um, here s the thing.
5
SPEAKER_00
Everybody listening to this right now and me are all
5
SPEAKER_00
We want you to succeed.
5
SPEAKER_00
We really do.
5
SPEAKER_01
And... Me too, man.
5
SPEAKER_01
I want to succeed too.
5
SPEAKER_00
I wish, I wish I could take the optimism I have you and I said, I wish I could take the optimism that I have for you and just like, you know, fucking blast it like fucking Goku into your, into your, into your soul.
5
SPEAKER_00
But I don t know how to do that.
5
SPEAKER_01
Um, I mean, you, you painted your face green dress up as a gecko.
5
SPEAKER_01
You took your time and talk to me.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s,
5
SPEAKER_01
Thank you, man.
5
SPEAKER_01
I appreciate that.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s been nice to just, I don t know, talk about it.
5
SPEAKER_01
Because I don t have any friends.
5
SPEAKER_01
I don t have any family, really.
5
SPEAKER_01
So it s nice.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I m fucking 40 years old.
5
SPEAKER_01
You know what I mean?
5
SPEAKER_01
I m an old ass man.
5
SPEAKER_01
I m close to death.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s nice to just say it, I guess.
5
SPEAKER_00
Jason, is there anything else that you want to talk about or anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
5
SPEAKER_01
To the people on the computer?
5
SPEAKER_01
Not really, man.
5
SPEAKER_01
Just, you know, this is this is the only one shot we have.
5
SPEAKER_01
And really at all, it depends on your perspective.
5
SPEAKER_01
So try, try to make the best of it.
5
SPEAKER_00
I hope you listen to your own words, man, I really do.
5
SPEAKER_00
I hope so too.
5
SPEAKER_00
I appreciate that, bro.
5
SPEAKER_00
Have a good night, Jason.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yes, sir.
5
SPEAKER_00
Ah, man.
5
SPEAKER_00
Man, man, man, man, man.
5
SPEAKER_00
That was really tough.
5
SPEAKER_00
That was really, really tough.
5
SPEAKER_00
I got a ton of thoughts about this.
5
SPEAKER_00
I feel bad because Jason seemed like a great dude.
5
SPEAKER_00
He had great intentions.
5
SPEAKER_00
His dream in life was just to fucking chill by a fire with his homies.
5
SPEAKER_00
And he seemed like a fucking cool guy.
5
SPEAKER_00
You know?
5
SPEAKER_00
someone you could be boys with and just he just i don t know i m not a real therapist i m playing i m playing i m doing fisher price therapy here but it sounded like he was um just a descendant of a long line of of of bullshit
5
SPEAKER_00
And, um, I don t know.
5
SPEAKER_00
I don t fucking know, dude.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m, I m a, I m a, I m a gecko guy on the computer.
5
SPEAKER_00
I don t know what gets people out of those situations or what changes people s minds.
5
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if it s therapy.
5
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if it s ayahuasca.
5
SPEAKER_00
I don t know what it is.
5
SPEAKER_00
I don t, I don t, I wish.
5
SPEAKER_00
I did and I wish that Jason had access to it, whatever it is.
5
SPEAKER_00
Um... Hmm.
5
SPEAKER_00
Mm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm.
5
SPEAKER_00
I don t know talk to me in the comments of the of this of the YouTube video or on the Or on the I think Spotify has a whole What did you think of this episode?
5
SPEAKER_00
Thing talk talk to me in those things.
5
SPEAKER_00
I want to hear what you guys think about this whole thing because it s a really a really tough Situation I wish I wish I like I said I wish there was something I could implant I
5
SPEAKER_00
to Jason s brain to turn him around on that.
5
SPEAKER_00
Um, thanks for calling Jason.
5
SPEAKER_00
Thanks so much for, uh, sharing this with us.
5
SPEAKER_00
Maybe somebody is in a similar situation and is listening to this and feels less, uh, alone.
5
SPEAKER_00
Um, and, uh, call back in Jason.
5
SPEAKER_00
I want to hear from you.
5
SPEAKER_00
I want you to call me from your fucking van life bonfire.
5
SPEAKER_00
where you have a desktop built in that you can play Minecraft on and you can start a big server and everyone can join and make a giant cock and balls.
5
SPEAKER_00
Alright.
5
SPEAKER_00
Thank you, Jason.
5
SPEAKER_02
Therapy Cat goes on the line Taking your phone calls every night Therapy Cat goes doing his right He s teaching you how to live your life But he s not really an expert