0
SPEAKER_00
How from?
0
SPEAKER_01
Jonathan.
0
SPEAKER_01
Hello?
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh my goodness.
0
SPEAKER_01
I did not expect to get on.
0
SPEAKER_01
How are you?
0
SPEAKER_02
I m doing good.
0
SPEAKER_01
What s your name?
0
SPEAKER_02
John Jonathan.
0
SPEAKER_02
Jonathan.
0
SPEAKER_02
Have we ever spoken before, Jonathan?
0
SPEAKER_02
No, we have not.
0
SPEAKER_02
Well, Jonathan, what s up, man?
0
SPEAKER_02
How can I get you today?
0
SPEAKER_02
What s what s what s what s what s happening?
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it s Saturday.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m just hanging around my house here.
0
SPEAKER_01
Um, I wanted to talk about alcohol.
0
SPEAKER_01
Go, go ahead, man.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s very nerve wracking to be on the call, but yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
So I think I texted you a while ago talking about like alcohol consumption.
0
SPEAKER_01
Um, so I think I m just going to spell my brain now.
0
SPEAKER_01
So it s something that s kind of, so I ve been drinking names for about seven, eight years, you know?
0
SPEAKER_01
Um, I never really drank.
0
SPEAKER_01
before the age of 21, you know, like I know people did it in high school and everything, but I kind of had the upbringing where I didn t really know people were actually doing that.
0
SPEAKER_01
Um, so the first few times I did actually drink, you know, I got super like nervous.
0
SPEAKER_01
Um, but eventually I kind of started using it as like an escape mechanism.
0
SPEAKER_01
You know what I mean?
0
SPEAKER_01
Like, Oh, like before, if I got like, if I would get super stressed, for example,
0
SPEAKER_01
I was pretty good at like just dealing with it and internally.
0
SPEAKER_01
Um, but I think what I noticed over the years is I kind of use it as a stress response.
0
SPEAKER_01
Um, I know that s like not the best thing to do.
0
SPEAKER_01
Um, but it s hard not to, I think, like, I m not at the point of, um, getting sick or anything or like being an alcoholic.
0
SPEAKER_01
So part of it is just like, it s not that bad yet, you know what I mean?
0
SPEAKER_01
Um, you don t have to go to AA meetings.
0
SPEAKER_01
Um, but I think there are, like, you know, like if I m like way stressed out, um, it s an option where like, I think part of it might be like, it wasn t an option before.
0
SPEAKER_01
So because it s like a very, it s a quick and easy way to get something off your plate.
0
SPEAKER_01
Um, and kind of like get out of your, get out of your head for a bit.
0
SPEAKER_01
Um,
0
SPEAKER_01
So I think that is, so I know that sounds really standard and everything, but I think the main thing about it was it feels like I m going down a path and like I spent kind of half today kind of self-talking myself like, oh, cause I have no alcohol in the house right now.
0
SPEAKER_01
And whenever I have no alcohol in the house, I kind of think, all right, it s up to you to not get into buying more.
0
SPEAKER_01
You know what I mean?
0
SPEAKER_01
Cause,
0
SPEAKER_01
If I do have it in the house, I just keep drinking it and not really be self-aware about like, oh, you have work tomorrow.
0
SPEAKER_01
You probably should calm down, you know?
0
SPEAKER_02
What are some of your triggers to drink alcohol?
0
SPEAKER_02
What are some things you notice are going on before you drink?
0
SPEAKER_01
I would say boredom is a big one or like
0
SPEAKER_01
Cause I don t have a lot of friends, you know, so boredom or, oh, I m kind of lonely.
0
SPEAKER_01
Let me just do this to like get out of my own head about it.
0
SPEAKER_01
Um, so I would say those two things.
0
SPEAKER_01
Um, and I know like, like saying this, like stress response, like if there s like a stressful situation, I have to do some work.
0
SPEAKER_01
That s not really as much, it s more boredom I would say.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like if I actually have work I have to do.
0
SPEAKER_01
That s a good distraction, which is kind of weird.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s more like on weekends, I don t have anything to do.
0
SPEAKER_02
Oh yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
How am I gonna spend, you know, it s like, oh, I have limited free time.
0
SPEAKER_02
What s that, I think I ve said it before, what s that phrase, idle hands belong to the devil?
0
SPEAKER_02
It s true.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, yeah, definitely.
0
SPEAKER_02
I mean, I, you know, I ll talk to you about this for a little bit.
0
SPEAKER_02
I don t want to talk too much only because, um, I m not a, a, you know, I mean, it s a well trodden topic addiction, but I guess here s like, um,
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_02
I ve been there before where like you re just very lonely.
0
SPEAKER_02
And so you have nothing to do.
0
SPEAKER_02
So why not just drink?
0
SPEAKER_02
Damn it.
0
SPEAKER_02
I had a thought in my head that I that I fucked up.
0
SPEAKER_02
All right.
0
SPEAKER_02
Um, what s stopping you from from wanting to go to AA?
0
SPEAKER_02
Because I feel like a good place for you to find a community and just like help, you know, find other people who deal with the same issue.
0
SPEAKER_02
That s a good question.
0
SPEAKER_01
Not that bad yet.
0
SPEAKER_01
Maybe I guess maybe in my mind I m thinking like it has to act like I have to get fired.
0
SPEAKER_01
I have to like, you know.
0
SPEAKER_01
get fired from my job because of alcohol.
0
SPEAKER_02
Well, I don t think it s a question of whether or not it s that bad.
0
SPEAKER_02
It s really just a question of do you notice that it s a problem in your life?
0
SPEAKER_02
Is it something you re worried about?
0
SPEAKER_02
Is it something that s bothering you?
0
SPEAKER_02
And if it is... Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
No, it is bothering me.
0
SPEAKER_02
If it s bothering you, then it s something that I think is worth
0
SPEAKER_02
you know, dealing with.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
That s interesting.
0
SPEAKER_01
I guess, like, in my mind, I m thinking, like, it s not that bad yet.
0
SPEAKER_01
So I would be, like, wasting resources.
0
SPEAKER_01
You know what I mean?
0
SPEAKER_01
If I actually did do that.
0
SPEAKER_02
No, you know, I don t think you re wasting resources.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_02
And I guess you just I mean, bad or not bad.
0
SPEAKER_02
It s like it s something that you re trying to stop doing.
0
SPEAKER_02
And if it s something you re trying to stop doing, then... I...
0
SPEAKER_02
I think it s important to look at the different triggers for it, right?
0
SPEAKER_02
Like boredom, loneliness, and go, okay, how can I attack my boredom and my loneliness in such a way that gets me to stop drinking, you know?
0
SPEAKER_02
I mean, I feel you, man.
0
SPEAKER_02
I have the same thing when it comes to eating or getting high or a lot of these other things.
0
SPEAKER_02
And it s really hard.
0
SPEAKER_02
I m not gonna sit here and say it s as easy as fixing your loneliness issue, because it s a hard fucking issue to fix, but...
0
SPEAKER_02
I mean, I, I would have you, have you, what, what sort of steps have you taken to try to, you know, rein in your boredom and your loneliness?
0
SPEAKER_01
I guess I just try to keep myself occupied, um, like with brainless hobbies.
0
SPEAKER_01
So I ended up like watching a lot of YouTube videos and crap, like video games.
0
SPEAKER_01
Um, only this is something that I haven t actually.
0
SPEAKER_01
made very big attempts to like get over.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I think with that, like, like loneliness, I was not lonely during college, for example, because there are things to do and places to meet people.
0
SPEAKER_01
So as an adult, I think I just haven t found like, a social group or something to like actually go out and do that.
0
SPEAKER_01
So
0
SPEAKER_01
I m also getting up in my age.
0
SPEAKER_01
So I would feel kind of weird because I live in a college town.
0
SPEAKER_01
So I would feel a little bit weird trying to go to places.
0
SPEAKER_01
And then there s people who are like, eight years younger than me.
0
SPEAKER_01
And here s the weird old coming to try to make friends with you, you know.
0
SPEAKER_01
So I think part of that is like, I m afraid to clean up creepy in that regard.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I know that s like an unreasonable, like just saying that out loud.
0
SPEAKER_01
It sounds ridiculous.
0
SPEAKER_01
You know what I mean?
0
SPEAKER_01
Um, but I think it s an excuse I found myself for whatever reason, but I think that s like, yeah, I guess maybe it s just a lot of excuses.
0
SPEAKER_01
Um, and I m not trying to have like a, Oh, what was me kind of bit?
0
SPEAKER_01
Um, you know, there s that normal McDonald joke where it s like, Oh, you have these bad diseases.
0
SPEAKER_01
My disease is that I drink a lot.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m an alcoholic, you know?
0
SPEAKER_01
So.
0
SPEAKER_01
Um, so I guess like that goes back to like that.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh, it s not a real problem yet.
0
SPEAKER_01
Kind of thing.
0
SPEAKER_01
But I guess you mentioning, Hey man, you should find support, I guess.
0
SPEAKER_01
But like, I guess like when you do seek support, um,
0
SPEAKER_01
Maybe it s like, oh, you re not bad enough to get support.
0
SPEAKER_01
I guess.
0
SPEAKER_01
Have you ever felt that before?
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, of course.
0
SPEAKER_01
How do you like that?
0
SPEAKER_01
A hundred percent.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
How do you like get over that?
1
SPEAKER_01
But yeah, I think I think that actually is a common thing But it s kind of interesting because like you ll go to you know, whatever maybe you go to a meeting and you re like, okay well, it s I m not as bad as these folks and maybe maybe that s helpful in some way, but I m
1
SPEAKER_01
I do this don t wait.
1
SPEAKER_01
I I think the idea of like let me wait until things are horrible to address the issue is It isn t bad.
1
SPEAKER_01
You know what I mean like And as you re aware of it like I
1
SPEAKER_01
I mean try try your best to mitigate it and I just sincerely man.
1
SPEAKER_01
I wish I could be of More help to you right now.
1
SPEAKER_01
There s a problem.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m having doing this podcast lately is like dude, like deal like making friends as an adult and Dealing with loneliness and boredom to not do your negative behaviors.
1
SPEAKER_01
Like I I
1
SPEAKER_01
Fucking don t know bro.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s a really hard.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s really goddamn hard.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it is.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s really hard, but you got it.
1
SPEAKER_01
I Don t this I can t just I can t sit here and lecture you on how to do it because I don t fucking know how but Like it s just it s just what you got it you got to do You know, yeah, I guess like drawing parallels between like other types of behavior.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, you know, it s like a oh, you re not the only one I
1
SPEAKER_00
Life is crazy.
1
SPEAKER_00
Everyone around you is feeling crazy.
1
SPEAKER_01
thing you gotta figure out you know so yeah dude like best of luck like whatever it is that you can find that keeps you occupied so that you re not getting drunk all the time like never never give up trying to find it like go do eight million different things until you find it go take a fucking archery class
1
SPEAKER_01
and be like, alright, instead of getting drunk, I m gonna shoot a bow and arrow.
1
SPEAKER_01
Like, just anything that you can do to be out of your house, around other people, and not getting fucked up.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, maybe that, maybe like, because I don t really have a reason to leave my house, because I don t do anything.
1
SPEAKER_00
Right.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know?
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t have any, like, concrete hobbies or anything, so... Right.
1
SPEAKER_01
Just leave your house, man.
1
SPEAKER_01
Like, I mean, what day, what, today s Saturday?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
What are you doing?
1
SPEAKER_01
What time is it where you are?
1
SPEAKER_01
It s almost six.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s almost six?
1
SPEAKER_01
What s going on on a Saturday at six?
1
SPEAKER_01
Dude, just any, I swear to God, just anything.
1
SPEAKER_01
Like, go for a walk around your neighborhood.
1
SPEAKER_01
What city do you live in?
1
SPEAKER_01
I live in Columbus, Ohio.
1
SPEAKER_00
You live in Columbus, Ohio?
1
SPEAKER_01
You just had to make this more difficult.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, there s nothing to do here.
1
SPEAKER_00
I guess I could walk outside.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s actually... Maybe I ll do that.
1
SPEAKER_00
Maybe I ll walk outside.
1
SPEAKER_00
You could walk outside.
1
SPEAKER_01
It sounds great.
1
SPEAKER_01
No, because here s the thing.
1
SPEAKER_01
It kind of even comes back to this thing of like, well, it s not that bad, so I shouldn t get help, right?
1
SPEAKER_01
Or, you know, you ll discount just walking outside.
1
SPEAKER_01
You could walk, even in goddamn Columbus, Ohio, you could just go take a hour walk around your fucking neighborhood.
1
SPEAKER_01
And that s better.
1
SPEAKER_01
Even though it s like, Oh, that s not even really anything.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s like, it is something it s better than you re outside of your house.
1
SPEAKER_01
You re looking at stuff.
1
SPEAKER_01
You re not getting.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know, that s good.
1
SPEAKER_00
I guess like with walking, that s like something that I have tried walks before.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I think just to put it out loud to make myself more self-aware.
1
SPEAKER_00
Sometimes I do something that s healthy.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then I m like, wow, I did something healthy.
1
SPEAKER_00
Time to reward myself, you know?
1
SPEAKER_00
So I guess that s something I have to be self-aware about, just to say that out loud.
1
SPEAKER_00
But hey, maybe I just gotta do that, you know?
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, I guess, like, I don t know, just talking about it is helpful, to be honest.
1
SPEAKER_01
Dude, I really would just like go make up just like sit down on your notes app or something make a list of like as Many things as you can possibly think of that would be nice and good to do.
1
SPEAKER_01
I Don t know man.
1
SPEAKER_01
They got they got they got pickleball leagues In Columbus, Ohio, they have concerts in Columbus, Ohio They have I know you can meme on Columbus, Ohio endlessly, but they have they have stuff they have people doing things just come up with a list of like
1
SPEAKER_01
As many things as possible and just don t stop trying to get out of the house and Then let me know if that works Okay Yeah, that s a good idea making a list Yeah, cuz just saying I need to do something isn t very helpful.
1
SPEAKER_00
I need to get concrete about it.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I
1
SPEAKER_00
Mm-hmm.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, good advice.
1
SPEAKER_01
And this is good.
1
SPEAKER_01
This is good that you re at least trying to Work on this and instead I think the yeah, I just the idea of let me wait until my life is in complete ruins It s like look if it s like it s like it s like the gas Light is on in your car and you re saying well Let me wait until the car completely runs out of gas and I m stranded on the highway for me to you know Fill my tank up with gas.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah Yeah, and I think
1
SPEAKER_00
That s really good.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think the self-awareness is good.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think sometimes I do get into like, oh, you know, oh, fuck it.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m going to die anyway.
1
SPEAKER_00
I might as well just do things.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know, there s that whole, there s a whole attitude that sometimes takes over my brain.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, and I don t have I really like I wish I wish I had an answer for to you for that because I mean goddamn yesterday I was eating I Mean yeah, dude.
1
SPEAKER_01
I really wish I d answer this cuz goddamn like yesterday I m eating a whole pizza and going crazy cuz I m like yeah the same thing you re talking about like why does anything matter?
1
SPEAKER_01
I m getting existential about things yeah, and I
1
SPEAKER_01
Like, why?
1
SPEAKER_01
Why should you give a shit about not getting drunk?
1
SPEAKER_01
And why should you try to do things with your life?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, but like, that does happen.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I mean, yes, you have like, it s, it s your thing.
1
SPEAKER_01
I guess it s your like responsibility as a human being to like, come up with your own answer to that question.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s true.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
And if you think hard enough about it, as I m in this moment, optimistic for you, you ll come up with something.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, thank you.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, thanks for your optimism.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m optimistic for you, even though you live in Columbus, Ohio.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
What s your name again?
1
SPEAKER_01
Jonathan Jonathan is anything else you want to say about any of this or say at all before before we go Thank you for doing this show Seriously a lot of people are big fans.
1
SPEAKER_00
Thanks, and I m gonna come to a live show eventually but
1
SPEAKER_00
Seriously, thank you for doing this show.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s a great comfort.
1
SPEAKER_00
Thanks, man.
1
SPEAKER_00
And thanks for taking the call.
1
SPEAKER_00
I really did not expect you to pick up.
1
SPEAKER_01
Go join a fucking laser tag.
1
SPEAKER_01
I bet they have, I bet there s a laser tag.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m dead serious.
1
SPEAKER_01
I bet there s a laser tag league.
1
SPEAKER_01
Like dumb like dude I m talking like dumbass shit where you re like There s no way something like that exists and then you go online and it exists like go join a fucking laser tag league in Columbus, Ohio Yeah, buddy listening to this podcast right now is in a laser tag league in Columbus, Ohio or knows somebody in a laser tag league So I bet that exists I swap please go on Google and search for laser tag league Columbus Oh, just like dumb fucking shit.
1
SPEAKER_01
Just anything, you know, just anything.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah
1
SPEAKER_00
That s funny.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, no.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think I ll take a look into that.
1
SPEAKER_00
Cool.
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, thank you so much Lyle.
1
SPEAKER_00
Take care and good luck.
1
SPEAKER_00
Good luck here.
1
SPEAKER_00
Thank you so much.
1
SPEAKER_00
Bye bye.
1
SPEAKER_01
I like that guy.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m with him, dude.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m with him.
1
SPEAKER_01
I get it.
1
SPEAKER_01
So, you know, I m touring a lot lately, and I ve been touring a lot for the past, like, year and a half, two years, and it s been really great because it keeps me
1
SPEAKER_01
out of the house and occupied and not idle and then what happens is I ll go I ll have like a week or two weeks or three weeks or a month or so off of doing my shows and
2
SPEAKER_02
I ll be at home and I ll be like oh no now I have nothing to do and I m kind of paralyzed and that s kind of when you know for me the the existential thoughts come in of like well why the fuck should I not you know do XYZ destructive behavior because I m gonna die anyway and who gives a shit why should I care about making my life better why should I care about this and that and
2
SPEAKER_02
You know, that s why for me it was hard to talk to Jonathan just now because I have those same thoughts and I haven t figured out exactly.
2
SPEAKER_02
I have like in theory how I m going to deal with those thoughts.
2
SPEAKER_02
But I don t have in concrete like practice of how to fucking deal with them.
2
SPEAKER_02
But in that theory, it s those things.
2
SPEAKER_02
It s like, why don t I just, you know, join a laser tag league or
2
SPEAKER_02
Some other thing like what I just keep trying to figure out different ways to get out of my house and go do things So that I m not going insane and eating Haribo sour gummy cola bottles, which are the best candy So yeah, good luck Jonathan, let me know if you figure something out and I m gonna do I m gonna search that up I live in
2
SPEAKER_02
A major city.
2
SPEAKER_02
I bet they have laser tag leagues.
2
SPEAKER_02
Also, leaving your house costs a lot of money.
2
SPEAKER_02
I guess that s why walking is good.
2
SPEAKER_02
Right?
2
SPEAKER_02
Because it s free to just walk around.
2
SPEAKER_02
And it s good.
2
SPEAKER_02
I meant what I said to Jonathan because I was having these existential crazy thoughts last night.
2
SPEAKER_02
And what did I do?
2
SPEAKER_02
I just walked for two hours.
2
SPEAKER_02
You can do that.
2
SPEAKER_02
Isn t that crazy?
2
SPEAKER_02
You can just if you if you ever look like Next time you re on the internet and you see a tweet that pisses you off or something like that or a real You can if at any time You can just put your phone on Fucking power it off and just go outside and walk for two hours.
2
SPEAKER_02
You can just do that anytime.
2
SPEAKER_02
It s available to you It s free
2
SPEAKER_02
to just do that.
2
SPEAKER_02
And it s nice.
2
SPEAKER_02
It s really nice.
2
SPEAKER_02
I don t know.
2
SPEAKER_02
I m rambling right now.
2
SPEAKER_02
But yeah, that call, it made me emotional because it taps into
2
SPEAKER_02
you know, shit that feels very real.
2
SPEAKER_02
So I hope we get a call back from Jonathan, where he s the king of the Ohio laser tag scene.
2
SPEAKER_02
All right, thanks for calling.
2
SPEAKER_02
Attention listeners of the Therapy Gecko podcast.
2
SPEAKER_02
I have new tour dates on sale right now at therapygeckotour.com.
2
SPEAKER_02
If you re a regular listener of this podcast, but you haven t been to one of my live shows before, you should come out, man.
2
SPEAKER_02
It s a fun time.
2
SPEAKER_02
The format of the show is essentially a group gecko therapy session where members of the audience come on stage to share stuff from their lives, just like they do on this podcast, except instead of anonymously over the phone, it s the complete opposite.
2
SPEAKER_02
It s anonymously, whatever the opposite of anonymous is, it s publicly in front of a few hundred people, which is a really cool and interesting thing to experience.
2
SPEAKER_02
And it s also mixed in with some presentations and material from me about my life.
2
SPEAKER_02
And I think that those presentations have been very fun and cool.
2
SPEAKER_02
So you should come.
2
SPEAKER_02
Tickets are on sale right now at therapygeckotour.com for the following cities.
2
SPEAKER_02
Nashville, Tennessee.
2
SPEAKER_02
Huntsville, Alabama.
2
SPEAKER_02
Chicago, Illinois.
2
SPEAKER_02
Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
2
SPEAKER_02
Detroit, Michigan.
2
SPEAKER_02
Grand Rapids, Michigan.
2
SPEAKER_02
San Jose, California.
2
SPEAKER_02
San Francisco, California.
2
SPEAKER_02
Portland, Oregon.
2
SPEAKER_02
Seattle, Washington.
2
SPEAKER_02
New York City.
2
SPEAKER_02
Philadelphia.
2
SPEAKER_02
Washington, D.C.
2
SPEAKER_02
Austin, Texas.
2
SPEAKER_02
Houston, Texas.
2
SPEAKER_02
Dallas, Texas.
2
SPEAKER_02
Greenville, South Carolina, Charlotte, North Carolina, Greensboro, North Carolina, Atlanta, Georgia, Pittsburgh, PA, Buffalo, New York, Toronto, Canada, Los Angeles, California, and Minneapolis, Minnesota.
2
SPEAKER_02
Once again, that s therapygeckotour.com for tickets.
2
SPEAKER_02
I hope you come to the show so that I can keep doing these shows every year because they are very fun and sick.
2
SPEAKER_02
All right, thanks.
2
SPEAKER_00
Where are you all from?
2
SPEAKER_01
Hello?
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God, is this Lyle?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yes, who is this?
2
SPEAKER_01
Uh, you can call me Richard.
2
SPEAKER_01
Richard, what s up man?
2
SPEAKER_01
How s life?
2
SPEAKER_01
You know, my life is pretty good, but I m having some problems.
2
SPEAKER_02
Well, hit me.
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, I think I ve developed an addiction to pornography.
2
SPEAKER_00
A pretty bad one.
2
SPEAKER_02
Ah, okay.
2
SPEAKER_02
What, uh, hit me with it.
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, I find myself, uh, looking at videos very frequently and I find it very hard to control myself and it makes me feel very, very ashamed.
2
SPEAKER_02
Hmm.
2
SPEAKER_02
How often are we, are we looking at videos?
2
SPEAKER_00
Uh, well, it depends.
2
SPEAKER_00
I ve recently been trying to quit.
2
SPEAKER_00
I ve been, I went for about a, about 10 days and then I relapsed.
2
SPEAKER_00
Uh, what type of videos do I watch?
2
SPEAKER_02
No, I mean, I guess I didn t ask that, but it sounds like you want to talk about it.
2
SPEAKER_02
I said, I didn t, I didn t ask that, but it sounds like you want to talk about it.
2
SPEAKER_02
So, I mean, if you do go, go for it.
2
SPEAKER_00
Uh, well, it s again, it s not a very, uh, pleasant subject.
2
SPEAKER_00
I find it very embarrassing.
2
SPEAKER_00
Uh, I ve been very desensitized to it.
2
SPEAKER_00
I believe I started pornography when I was about
2
SPEAKER_00
14.
2
SPEAKER_00
My parents didn t let me use the Internet a lot as a kid.
2
SPEAKER_00
And so I never really built up the tolerance to it.
2
SPEAKER_02
How old are you now?
2
SPEAKER_00
I am 20.
2
SPEAKER_02
So I don t even know if you answered this.
2
SPEAKER_02
How often are you are you looking at porn?
2
SPEAKER_00
About once a day.
2
SPEAKER_00
OK.
2
SPEAKER_00
But I am
2
SPEAKER_00
You know, I m a young male, so I m able to go for quite a while.
2
SPEAKER_02
OK, so you re looking at it once a day, but you re like for a long time, you re going like, you know, for an exceptional amount of time.
2
SPEAKER_02
OK, all right.
2
SPEAKER_02
And I mean, let me ask you this.
2
SPEAKER_02
Are you, where does the shame come from?
2
SPEAKER_02
Is it like, Oh, I could have been doing something else with my time.
2
SPEAKER_02
Is it like a weird religious thing?
2
SPEAKER_02
Is it a, Oh, this is gross thing.
2
SPEAKER_02
Like what s, what s going on inside of that shame?
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, I see it as it s a waste of my time, obviously, but it s also a, what am I doing with my life here?
2
SPEAKER_00
Uh, why am I sitting here watching these figures when I could
2
SPEAKER_00
be out doing something.
2
SPEAKER_00
And that really eats at me, because I feel like a loser.
2
SPEAKER_02
It s weird, man, because look, throughout my entire life and to this day, I ve been a crazy jacker-offer, big jacker-offer, big, big porn guy.
2
SPEAKER_02
Not so much on the porn
2
SPEAKER_02
recently, but big jacker offer and here s the thing and this is something I don t think about that often is that like I think in life, it s like Ideally and this isn t this is not I don t want to preach about this because this is not how I actually live This is how I d like to live in theory.
2
SPEAKER_02
But like in theory ideally you do things with your time that you either a
2
SPEAKER_02
are fully enjoying with no shame, or B, compound into things that make your life better in the future.
2
SPEAKER_02
And orgasm is a weird thing because it s like, you enjoy it in the moment, sort of, but if you re ashamed of it, it s like you re doing this thing that you didn t even really fully enjoy in the moment because you were ashamed of it.
2
SPEAKER_02
And, you know, it s not like, you know, when you are having sex in a relationship where it s like, okay, this is actually a thing I m investing in that is compounding, you know, in my relationship.
2
SPEAKER_02
So it s... I get why you see it as a big fucking waste of time, and I look back at a lot of the time that I ve spent doing that as a big fucking waste of time.
2
SPEAKER_02
I mean, just a few days ago, dick in hand, I was watching porn, and I was like, what am I doing with my life?
2
SPEAKER_02
So it is a tough... a toughie.
2
SPEAKER_01
Hmm.
2
SPEAKER_02
I mean, yeah go ahead.
3
SPEAKER_02
part of me takes over.
3
SPEAKER_01
Right.
3
SPEAKER_02
And I can rationalize it and I can think, what am I doing right now?
3
SPEAKER_02
And yet I still do it.
3
SPEAKER_02
And that s a big problem for me because I can t tell if I m a bad person for it.
3
SPEAKER_02
I m not intentionally.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_00
What do you mean by a bad person?
3
SPEAKER_02
For consuming this pornography.
3
SPEAKER_00
As opposed to going out there and meeting people and doing good in society Well, I would I mean the whole thing of like bad person good person like I take my like morally I Suppose morally, yeah I
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if I would, I don t know if I would be sitting here, look, I don t know if I would be sitting here, you know, casting negative moral judgment upon you for, you know, jacking off when you could be planting trees and volunteering in soup kitchens, but let s talk about just in the scope of like what s going to make your life more enjoyable, right?
3
SPEAKER_00
As opposed to like what s morally good and what s morally bad.
3
SPEAKER_00
Um, I mean, what do you want to be doing with your life and with yourself?
3
SPEAKER_02
Uh, well, I m thinking I might want to become a welder.
3
SPEAKER_02
I mean, the pay is pretty good and there s all these different types and it s, it s a very interesting prospect.
3
SPEAKER_02
I m not sure though.
3
SPEAKER_02
I m, I m trying to figure out what I want to do with my life.
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, Hey, you re getting better at polishing swords.
3
SPEAKER_00
Of course.
3
SPEAKER_00
All right.
3
SPEAKER_00
You didn t think that was funny, but, and it wasn t funny, but, but, uh, I mean, what could you, what else would you be doing with your time?
3
SPEAKER_00
now?
3
SPEAKER_02
I don t, I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_02
I, I have like no prospects.
3
SPEAKER_02
I mean, I said the welding thing, but I don t have a direction in my life and I ve, I ve tried all the time.
3
SPEAKER_02
I ve gone to people, I ve talked to like counselors to try and get me into a subject, but I ve just, I have a hard time figuring stuff out.
3
SPEAKER_00
What do the counselors tell you?
3
SPEAKER_02
The ones that I ve gone to and I ve talked to, I m talking about college counselors.
3
SPEAKER_02
I m trying to figure out classes.
3
SPEAKER_02
I ve set a subject.
3
SPEAKER_02
I m interested in technology, but I also think that a technical job is going to be outclassed by AI in a few years.
3
SPEAKER_02
I m not sure if that s what I want to commit to, but I know welding is a thing we re going to need forever.
3
SPEAKER_00
Do you have any friends?
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, are you, how s your social life?
3
SPEAKER_02
My social life is pretty, uh, it s pretty destitute.
3
SPEAKER_02
I mean, I have, I m a pretty isolated person.
3
SPEAKER_02
I live pretty far out of town and I, uh, I talked to people in high school, but I didn t like stay after class and do activities.
3
SPEAKER_02
And I, I haven t really had a lot of friends per se.
3
SPEAKER_02
I ve had online friends, but, uh,
3
SPEAKER_02
That s a whole other story, but not like physical on in-person friends.
3
SPEAKER_02
They re more like acquaintances.
3
SPEAKER_00
Mm hmm.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, man, I think a lot of this stuff is just like.
3
SPEAKER_00
Symptom like a lot of this stuff is just symptoms of other areas in life being like kind of lackluster and It s a tall order to go.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_00
We ll go build a social life and go find a vocation and You know get your shit together, right?
3
SPEAKER_00
It s a tall order that You never even really quite fill.
3
SPEAKER_00
This is a process.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s like a leaky bucket I
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean, okay, let s do that.
3
SPEAKER_00
Have you been to a real therapist to talk about any of this?
3
SPEAKER_02
No, I haven t.
3
SPEAKER_02
And I think that it would, I know it s stupid to think this way, but I think it would make me weaker as a person.
3
SPEAKER_02
That d be kind of admitting that I can t handle this on my own.
3
SPEAKER_02
I know that s illogical.
3
SPEAKER_02
Obviously I m,
3
SPEAKER_02
I m not a weaker person for asking for help, but that s what I feel.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I m stuck, man.
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I can t sit here and tell you I haven t felt the same.
3
SPEAKER_02
I mean, COVID made everything worse, man.
3
SPEAKER_02
It was my last two years of high school and
3
SPEAKER_02
I didn t get to see anybody for two years.
3
SPEAKER_02
So, I just made everything worse.
3
SPEAKER_02
Situated the whole situation.
3
SPEAKER_00
Why don t you, I mean, I ll tell you the same thing I told the last guy, man.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s like, why don t you just do things that get you out of your house?
3
SPEAKER_00
Do you live in a college camp?
3
SPEAKER_00
Do you live in a college place?
3
SPEAKER_00
Do you live, are you in school?
3
SPEAKER_02
Um, no, I m living at my parents  house.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_00
That was fun to admit.
3
SPEAKER_00
There s nothing wrong with that.
3
SPEAKER_00
What can you do to get yourself out of the house and with other people?
3
SPEAKER_02
Well, I ve been going to the gym.
3
SPEAKER_02
I ve been talking to people there.
3
SPEAKER_02
I met an old guy there, taught me how to do some workout stuff.
3
SPEAKER_02
I mean, I was overweight for most of my childhood, so I was very socially stunted.
3
SPEAKER_02
I felt like I wasn t deserving of love, I suppose.
3
SPEAKER_01
Hmm.
3
SPEAKER_02
Well, I m therapizing myself here.
3
SPEAKER_00
Are you learning anything as you re therapizing yourself?
3
SPEAKER_02
I think so.
3
SPEAKER_02
I think that experiences make the person and I think that I need to get out probably more and meet more people and build my brain to tolerate people more as opposed to
3
SPEAKER_02
just retreating into my safe space.
3
SPEAKER_02
Because I think that it s probably a comfort thing, right?
3
SPEAKER_02
Where I do it because I m stressed and I feel like this is the only way to unstress myself.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I mean, dude, it really fucking goes back to what we were just talking about of like, you retreat into your comfort zone because you get those existential thoughts of like, well, what s the point of building my life or making it better?
3
SPEAKER_00
And everyone has their own way of getting past those existential thoughts.
3
SPEAKER_00
Some people go through life lucky enough to never have any of that shit pop into their brain just because things magically worked out.
3
SPEAKER_00
And other people struggle with it immensely and never figure it out.
3
SPEAKER_00
But, uh... I mean, you just gotta find your own, um... reason to do it.
3
SPEAKER_00
You re so young.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s like just to leave your house just for the sake of leaving your house.
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean, you give a shit enough to call me and want to talk about this stuff.
3
SPEAKER_00
Right.
3
SPEAKER_00
So.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, but like my life should be improving.
3
SPEAKER_02
I ve lost 60 pounds.
3
SPEAKER_02
I feel better.
3
SPEAKER_02
And yet I don t feel better.
3
SPEAKER_02
I don t know, man.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know either, goddammit.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know either.
3
SPEAKER_00
This is a struggle today, because I... It s like... How do I feel right now?
3
SPEAKER_00
It s like... Bro... Fuck, man.
3
SPEAKER_00
Fuck.
3
SPEAKER_00
Just get out of the house, man.
3
SPEAKER_00
Just get out of the house, however you can.
3
SPEAKER_00
Just go for a walk.
3
SPEAKER_02
Go for a walk.
3
SPEAKER_02
Well, that does, that supposedly makes you happy according to the internet.
3
SPEAKER_02
So maybe that s the solution.
3
SPEAKER_02
Just get out there and walk more.
3
SPEAKER_02
There s a few trails near my house.
3
SPEAKER_02
Maybe I ll do that.
3
SPEAKER_00
Dude, can I I m gonna drop something here real quick just for the listeners for and people have this might be a controversial thing to say but I ve actually been getting a lot.
3
SPEAKER_00
This is real like I ve actually been getting like a lot of mileage off of Typing my problems into chat GPT chat GPT is like a crazy good Therapist if you ever I don t know if you ever given that a shot
3
SPEAKER_00
But uh it it actually does come up with like pretty fucking If you can t afford therapy or like you just need something right fucking now It actually and I ve done this.
3
SPEAKER_00
This is kind of just what I do now.
3
SPEAKER_00
It actually gives you pretty good Objective logical feedback if you need just a little something in the moment Well, that s how it s
4
SPEAKER_03
System works.
4
SPEAKER_03
It just takes information from the internet and compiles into a coherent answer, right?
4
SPEAKER_00
Something like that.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t know how any of this shit works, but That s the that s the therapy gecko saying have you tried asking chat GPT instead That is so dystopian asking an AI about your your problems, bro It s so weird because it s so weird because it s so weird because the AI I mean you re talking to me right now and it s like the AI Works better than a human sometimes
4
SPEAKER_03
Well, it doesn t have that human element.
4
SPEAKER_03
It s just purely logical.
4
SPEAKER_03
So maybe it would be slightly better stuff.
4
SPEAKER_03
But that s kind of, that s a dark road to go down thinking about like that.
4
SPEAKER_03
Because we need humans for a lot of stuff.
4
SPEAKER_03
That s what the companies are thinking whenever they do those robocalls things, where you call them up and you need to talk to somebody, but it s just a robot.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m sure people are going to get mad at me and be like, well, you re telling people to put their, I m just literally saying this is my personal anecdote, um, of, of this shit.
4
SPEAKER_00
But anyway, I mean, well, all right, I ll let me, before I kick you out of here, I mean, is there any other way that this phone call can be helpful to you before we go?
4
SPEAKER_00
Any thing else that, that maybe I can try to help you with?
4
SPEAKER_03
No, but I do have one more thing to say.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_03
Um, I don t know if you re interested in losing weight at all.
4
SPEAKER_03
I don t think you are, but if you are, or you just want to feel better about yourself.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_03
I m not doing like a, an ad read here or anything.
4
SPEAKER_00
Do an ad read.
4
SPEAKER_03
I was doing an ad read.
4
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_03
Well, this is just my experience.
4
SPEAKER_03
What happened to me?
4
SPEAKER_03
I tried the carnivore diet where you just like eat and eat and you only eat salt and butter.
4
SPEAKER_03
Uh,
4
SPEAKER_03
And I lost 60 pounds and I didn t even really work out.
4
SPEAKER_03
And then I started to work out because I felt better.
4
SPEAKER_00
I mean, it s the ketogenic diet.
4
SPEAKER_00
I am.
4
SPEAKER_00
I really don t want to talk about this shit on here because I do not know what I am talking about in.
4
SPEAKER_00
Even in the mental health realm, let alone in the physical health realm.
4
SPEAKER_00
But I mean, yeah, when you eat just protein, carbs, when you eat, when you eat, when you eat no, I mean, yeah, when you eat all protein and no carbs, you will definitely lose weight.
4
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, yeah, it was good.
4
SPEAKER_03
Regardless, I thank you for talking to me, Kyle.
4
SPEAKER_03
Kyle.
4
SPEAKER_03
Wow.
4
SPEAKER_03
Really appreciate it.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m gonna talk to good I hope this was this was helpful because I I really I ve said this a thousand times but I really am having a hard time with like these advice how do I deal with the the woes of life calls because I really Struggle with it all myself, and I don t know but I hope this commiseration was helpful in any way shape or form What s your name again?
4
SPEAKER_03
You can call me Richard or Rich, either one.
4
SPEAKER_00
Rich.
4
SPEAKER_00
Thanks for calling, Rich.
4
SPEAKER_00
Good luck.
4
SPEAKER_00
Thanks, man.
4
SPEAKER_00
I appreciate it.
4
SPEAKER_00
Take care.
4
SPEAKER_00
Um, yeah, man, it s it s hard because I really do I try to I think of this podcast not really as like a Advice show like I look at it more as like a human interest story show Because I m more interested in having people come on here and I m like kind of learning about their lives and like what s going on with them and
4
SPEAKER_00
You know, like, experiencing the world through these quasi-anonymous accounts of life.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like, I think that s interesting.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s more interesting to me than, like, here s advice from a guy who fucking has no idea what he s doing.
4
SPEAKER_00
But...
4
SPEAKER_00
I mean, you know, I try.
4
SPEAKER_00
I ll try my best.
4
SPEAKER_00
I ll try my best and just, you know, ruin people s lives by telling them to take the advice of an AI computer.
4
SPEAKER_00
But yeah, whatever, man.
4
SPEAKER_00
Thanks for calling.
4
SPEAKER_00
I hope everything works out.
4
SPEAKER_02
Hello.
4
SPEAKER_00
Hello.
4
SPEAKER_02
How s it going?
4
SPEAKER_00
Good.
4
SPEAKER_00
So this is, um, just real quick.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m going to give some context.
4
SPEAKER_00
So this is, I don t usually do this.
4
SPEAKER_00
In fact, I ve never done this, but I m going to do this right now.
4
SPEAKER_00
So this is, this is Maeve, right?
4
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_00
So this is my first, out of four years of doing this show, this is my first intentional follow-up call with a previous caller.
4
SPEAKER_00
Maeve, you re the caller who a few weeks ago talked about how you were thinking about whether or not you were going to date this felon, right?
4
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay, and how did that go for you?
4
SPEAKER_02
Okay, so, we were talking on FaceTime, this was one of the first times we really FaceTimed, and he had his shirt off, and out of nowhere, on his shoulder, I see a goddamn swastika tattoo.
4
SPEAKER_02
And so, obviously, I was like, hey, is that what I think it is?
4
SPEAKER_02
And he was like, yeah, I did it to myself in prison.
4
SPEAKER_02
And I was like, okay, I can t,
4
SPEAKER_02
do this and he tried to say no it s um it s not what you think it means it s a norse mythology symbol that the meaning was taken away but it means brotherhood and all of this stuff i was like no no i i m not i don t care what you think it means that s just not okay that s almost as bad as the monster energy tattoo
4
SPEAKER_02
It is!
4
SPEAKER_02
I-I agree with that!
4
SPEAKER_02
It s close!
4
SPEAKER_00
So, uh, real quick, are you gonna keep dating him?
4
SPEAKER_02
No, no, of course not.
4
SPEAKER_02
I blocked him.
4
SPEAKER_02
On everything.
4
SPEAKER_02
Absolutely.
4
SPEAKER_00
Uh, well, Maeve, thanks for giving us an update.
4
SPEAKER_00
I hope that, uh, you find somebody with, uh, better- Like, finally, find a guy with a nice, like, uh, Mickey Mouse tattoo or something.
4
SPEAKER_02
I agree with that.
4
SPEAKER_02
Thanks for following up.
4
SPEAKER_00
Alright, take care, Maeve.
4
SPEAKER_02
You too.
4
SPEAKER_02
Bye-bye.
4
SPEAKER_00
Hello.
4
SPEAKER_00
Hello.
4
SPEAKER_00
What is your name?
4
SPEAKER_01
My name is Amy.
4
SPEAKER_00
Amy, what s going on, Amy?
4
SPEAKER_00
How can I be a lizard on the phone for you today?
4
SPEAKER_00
OK.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m really excited because I didn t think that you re going to answer, so I m very nervous.
4
SPEAKER_00
Nah, don t be nervous.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s just, we re just two, uh, human beings.
4
SPEAKER_00
Well, I guess I m a, you re a human being and I m a lizard, but, uh, we re just, we re just talking on the phone, man.
4
SPEAKER_00
What s up?
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
All right.
4
SPEAKER_01
So I wanted to talk to you about something cause I kind of wanted a little bit of advice.
4
SPEAKER_01
Um, okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
So, well, okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
So you had gotten what I texted you, right?
4
SPEAKER_00
Um, no, I have, I have, I have no context.
4
SPEAKER_00
Let s start from, from nothing.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
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SPEAKER_01
So I feel like I have a little bit of an issue and my issue is this.
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Okay.
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So I feel like I ve been through a lot in my life.
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Okay.
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Like I ve kind of had a little bit of a hard upbringing, very difficult upbringing.
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And, um, I feel like because of that.
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The way that I behave in my relationship dynamic is really detrimental to the possible like success of this relationship.
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I just, I feel like I sabotage things sometimes.
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And I kind of like self-diagnosed myself with like a potential mental disorder of like a plethora of them.
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But obviously, you know, I haven t went to like an actual professional, so I don t know if
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you know, my diagnoses are correct.
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I d assume they re probably not.
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But I guess my question is like, how could I be less problematic in my relationship dynamic so that I can have one that is healthy?
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Because when I get in moments where I feel like I m being overly emotional about something, it s hard for me to like, like,
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rationalized like actually approaching a situation in a healthy way, and I usually just take the the negative road so and so listen, so I m I m happy to talk to you about this just as a as a Random stranger on the internet, but but before I do Talk to you about this, you know
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within that context.
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You say that you ve self-diagnosed yourself with a mental disorder.
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Is this something that you ve talked to actual therapists and psychiatrists about?
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So I have went to a therapist once before and he was pretty terrible.
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we just didn t really like I was trying to explain to him like all of these destructive behaviorisms that I have and he was just not he was like not acknowledging them and it made me feel like like he kept like how do I explain this like he kept making it seem like the things I was bringing up were things that were like not a big deal but like in my head I was like dude like you don t
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Understand like I feel like I m not being the best partner, and I m very much so aware of that And he you know what I mean, and it was kind of brushed off like that so You know what yeah, I mean yeah, I m down to talk to you about it But I just wanted to make sure that you know you you I am NOT the first line of defense oh totally Okay, so I mean I
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What are these behaviors that you say are destructive to your relationships?
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I feel like, I feel like sometimes when I have a situation where we re like not seeing eye to eye, I feel like I become like overtly emotional about it.
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And instead of me understanding like his perspective, I feel like I m being very vague.
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Instead of me understanding his perspective, I like kind of create things in my mind.
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that he would is potentially doing towards me but i don t it s like it s not that he actually is it s just i m so overly emotional that i m jumping to a bunch of conclusions in my head and then you know what i mean yeah and then those conclusions seem like real
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So the reason why You should talk to a real therapist at all like we talk about but the reason why you start to real therapist is just like a Real therapist will probably be able to tell you like, okay, you probably feel this way because of this thing that happened I ve seen this a hundred times.
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Here s what you should do based on the research that I have on this blah blah blah so you should do that, but I
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I mean, from my dumbass perspective, it s like, if you re jumping to conclusions of what, you just can t conclude what another person might be thinking or feeling or planning or any of that stuff.
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All you can do is talk to them,
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And if you want to choose not to believe them, or to believe them, it s like... I mean, all you can do is communicate with this person.
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Right?
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So if you think that this... Go ahead.
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What were you going to say?
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Do you think that like... Okay, so like how you had just said, like, if you don t believe them, right?
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Like, you ask them and they re like, I m not doing that.
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And you re like, in your head, you re like, yeah, you are.
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Is that like kind of a little, that s like a little weird, right?
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Cause like you should be able to, like, how am I going to be able to tell someone else if they re being honest or transparent?
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It s not like I m a mind reader.
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So like, why would I assume that they re just lying to me?
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I, you know, that s actually, that s an interesting thing to think about.
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I kind of think.
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a working theory with this is like, look, because it s all on you, right?
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I mean, you re not, you can t control other people, whether or not other people are going to lie to you or not.
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But you can, but you can, you can be like, look, I
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I m going to decide for myself that I m gonna believe what this person is telling me at face value.
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And if I find out later that this person was lying to me, I accept that as a risk of my decision.
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And I m making this decision because I think it ll make my life better.
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and because I know what it s like in the past to have been walking around, not trusting anyone, being super paranoid, and not being able to- not being able to trust anyone, and I don t like how that made me feel, and I don t like that lifestyle.
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So, I m gonna decide to be less like that.
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And if- again, if I find out later that
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I was wrong.
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I accept that as a risk that I m willing to take because I want to be less paranoid and I want to be happier and have less anxiety.
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That s just a theory that I have.
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And I don t know if what I said resonates with you, but if it does, that s kind of how I think about it.
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Yes, that actually does.
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That was perfect because the reason why I feel like what you said was like spot on because this morning I tried to start some bullshit, right?
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So like we got into an argument last night and I wanted to roll it over until like the next day and like kind of like start where we left off in a way and continue on the bullshit.
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And so what he had said to me was, okay, like, you re, like, essentially, like, you re gonna start, you re starting this day off already shitty.
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Like, you re choosing to start this day.
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Can I interject for, like, a second?
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So, like, when you, like, very, very briefly tell me, what was the argument about?
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It s so stupid.
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Um, okay.
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So, so fucking stupid.
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All right.
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So, basically, we had moved into a neighborhood.
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And I have social anxiety.
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And so I kind of wanted to like meet my neighbors and stuff like that, but I kind of had a plan on how I wanted to introduce myself.
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And it was like an inclusion with him.
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Like, I was like, Oh, maybe we can get some cupcakes and like bring them over and say like, hi, my name is this, my name is that whatever.
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And like, we can form a bond.
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Right.
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So basically what had happened is he had met the neighbors like without me.
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Right.
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And so my feelings were hurt because now I felt like.
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Oh, he has cultivated a relationship with these people.
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And instead of us going with my idea, he took it upon himself to go and like introduce himself and meet these people without me.
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And so I kind of felt a little bit slighted, my feelings were hurt.
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And so like yesterday, specifically, he was like outside like doing yard stuff, just like normal shit.
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And the neighbor, he was like talking to him and stuff like that.
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And they were all like, you know, going back and forth and talking and I felt really left out.
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Like I heard them talking and it like hurt my feelings and it brought up the same anger that I had the day I found out that he like went and introduced himself without me.
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And I don t know dude, like I was like sitting there and I was like feeling how I felt, right?
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And I like got all, I was getting hot and like my heart was beating all fast and I felt really angry and I didn t know why.
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So, um...
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I have a couple thoughts on this is like one when so when you re when you did made that decision you okay I m gonna roll over this argument is like I think anytime anytime you re like in an argument
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like if I were you I would think to myself like what am I what am I trying to serve right now because like if you re in an argument and you re screaming at somebody and you re like let me bring this up let me bring that up let me bring that up like a lot of times like if you really examine it you re serving your anger you re just serving
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like vindication and anger, which is not actually helpful to you in your goals.
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Because really you re, I mean, in this situation specifically, your goal is to like, you want to overcome your social anxiety because you know it ll make your life better.
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And I do think, you know,
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this thing of like your husband like introduced himself to the neighbors without you and like you know you re sitting you re in you re in your and I feel for you because in your head you recognize you re like this is ridiculous why do I feel this way I feel bad that I even feel this way and I think that s a good thing to recognize
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And on top of that, just recognize that like, okay, my journey to overcoming my social anxiety is my own responsibility and it s not my husband s fault.
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Like, it s on me to be like, okay, I gotta summon the thing of like, let me just go over there and say what s up to my neighbors.
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And my husband is not in between me and summoning the courage to go do that.
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And so I think just breaking every fucking thing down into
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What is my goal and what s going to help me get there?
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And everything else is complete fucking bullshit.
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You know, everything else is everything else is really what s in the way.
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It s not my husband that s in the way.
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It s like me trying to serve anger and vindication and all these things by like yelling or bringing arguments up.
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It s.
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doesn t actually serve my real goal, which is to overcome my social anxiety, to make my relationships better, and to be happier.
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And when you frame it, and you re talking to your husband, and you re saying all these things, you re like, okay, what s actually gonna make my life better?
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And what s going to make my life better is figuring out how am I going to summon the courage that s needed to go next door and say what s up to my neighbors.
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And then and when you re sitting there like yelling at your husband because he went and, you know, introduced himself to the neighbors without you, it s like you re kind of you re so far off.
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from where you actually want to be to serve your goals.
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Does that make sense?
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Is that fair?
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Does that resonate?
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Yeah, that s fair.
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Yeah, that s fair.
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Yeah, that makes sense.
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That s interesting.
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I feel like an asshole.
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Well, look, I mean,
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does feeling like i mean even right now like does feeling like an asshole serve your goals or is it just going to be you beating yourself up further which will get you further into your emotions and then you ll further you know go into vindictiveness like
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You know what I mean?
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Like, like, like beating yourself up, just beating yourself up, serve your goals of improving your relationships, being happier and overcoming your social anxiety.
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And if you, I think the answer is no.
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So I would just every, every step you take moving forward, be like, okay, how is this going to serve my underlying goals?
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You know?
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Hmm.
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Yeah, that actually, that s, yeah, that was really good advice, actually.
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Yeah.
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Well, is there, that was cool, that was actually one of the first times in a while I felt like I gave good advice on this podcast, so I m stoked about that.
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I listen to you all the time.
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You give great advice.
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I had no idea what this call was going to be.
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I didn t have any expectations.
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I didn t even know if you were going to call me, but that was great advice.
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You do a really good job just in general, but this was very helpful to me.
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Thanks, man.
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I m trying.
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I felt like I felt pretty locked in just now.
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Yeah, you were locked in.
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Yeah, you were locked in.
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I felt pretty.
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All right, cool.
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This was this is actually almost I think this is actually even more helpful to me than to you.
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So thank you for calling me.
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Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
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No, I don t really have I don t have much to provide.
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I just think that I don t know if I were to give anything, I d be like,
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I don t know, just don t let your negative thoughts consume you, I guess.
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Sometimes we re really far off with the reality of the situation.
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I don t fucking know.
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Yeah, that s what I think.
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Well, take care and good luck talking to the neighbors.
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Thanks.
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All right, take care, man.
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You too, bye.
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But he s not really an expert.