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Bring a little optimism into your life with The Bright Side, a new kind of daily podcast from Hello Sunshine, hosted by me, Danielle Robay.
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And me, Simone Boyce.
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Every weekday, we re bringing you conversations about culture, the latest trends, inspiration, and so much more.
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I am so excited about this podcast, The Bright Side.
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You guys are giving people a chance to shine a light on their lives, shine a light on a little advice that they want to share.
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Listen to The Bright Side on America s number one podcast network, iHeart.
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Open your free iHeart app and search The Bright Side.
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Guess what, Will?
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What s up, Mango?
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I ve been trying to write a promo for our podcast, Part-Time Genius, but even though we ve done over 250 episodes, we don t really talk about murders or cults.
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I mean, we did just cover the Illuminati of cheese, so I feel like that makes us pretty edgy.
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We also solve mysteries like how Chinese is your Chinese food and how do dollar stores make money?
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And then, of course, can you game a dog show?
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So what you re saying is everyone should be listening.
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Listen to Part-Time Genius on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.
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This is the story of how a group of people brought music back to Afghanistan by creating their own version of American Idol.
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The joy they brought to the nation.
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You re free completely.
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No one is there to destroy you.
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The danger they endured.
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They said my head should be cut off.
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I m John Legend.
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Listen to Afghan Star on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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You can still make someone feel anxious, even if you love them, if you don t know how your actions and words impact them.
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If you are not aware of how your actions and behavior and your words make someone feel, it doesn t matter how much you love them, they can still feel anxious and uncomfortable.
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Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world, thanks to each and every single one of you who are just so dedicated and so committed to your growth.
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It is unbelievable.
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If you re listening right now, I want you to take a moment to just smile at yourself, with yourself, to congratulate yourself for showing up, for turning up.
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We re so hard on ourselves.
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But remember, every time you re committing to On Purpose, every time you re committing to your workouts, every time you re committing to any form of personal growth, whether you re reading, listening, learning, jumping, whatever you re up to, walking, congratulations.
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Take a moment to really acknowledge yourself, to recognize yourself.
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And I want to take a moment to recognize all of you because you ve all been listening every single day.
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I know so many of you are listening to multiple episodes per week.
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and we re seeing that in the reviews in the stats it is unbelievable and I could not thank you more honestly for your support for On Purpose and the next few months are exceptionally important and I couldn t thank you more and I am so excited because the guests that we have coming over the next few months until the end of this year are just unbelievable
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Unbelievable.
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You have no idea what s coming your way and I can t tell you because I m excited for you.
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Just keep a lookout.
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Make sure that you ve subscribed to the podcast on the app that you re listening on.
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Make sure that you ve turned notifications on on my Instagram for Jay Shetty and Jay Shetty Podcast.
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I just don t want you to miss out.
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So today, this episode is a really special one as well because I really wanted to address our relationships.
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Now we always hear that our relationships are important, we know that, but often it s really hard.
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How many times do you sit at dinner with someone you love and you struggle to have a meaningful conversation and you spend your time on your phone, maybe in the car on the way back in the evening you wish you had more deeper connection?
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Or how many of you turn on a show because it s an easier way to spend time together than starting an actual discussion?
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How many of you don t know what to talk about?
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How many of you run out of topics?
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Maybe you run out of conversation ideas, especially if you ve been together for a while.
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Now whether you re talking about a business relationship, a romantic relationship, a family relationship or a friendship, these seven questions I m going to introduce you today are going to make a huge difference in your life.
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And the reason they make a difference is because they all allow you to create vulnerability, create connection, and create intimacy.
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Especially as relationships deepen, we re not always going to learn something new about someone.
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We may feel there s nothing left to learn, but you can always learn something new about them, even if it s by going deeper.
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Sometimes it s no longer about going wider, it s about going deeper.
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And these questions allow that.
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So that s the intimacy part.
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The second thing I said was vulnerability.
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We know that relationships that have vulnerability actually bring people closer together.
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We feel if we don t have arguments, if we avoid uncomfortable conversations, then we ll be closer.
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What you don t realize is that avoiding a two-hour argument could create a two-week issue.
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A two-hour argument could save you from two weeks of pain and issues.
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So these conversations may be thought-provoking and challenging and difficult in the beginning,
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but they can actually help us.
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And the third thing I mentioned was connection.
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A lot of the times when we talk, we talk about ourselves and we don t talk about ourselves in relation to the person we have a relationship with.
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And so you re not often talking about your relationship.
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You might be talking about your to-do list.
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You might be talking about your weekend plans.
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You might be talking about your work plans, but you re not talking about the relationship.
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And these seven questions are designed to help you have healthier, more powerful, more productive conversations in your relationship.
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Now I m really excited to walk through these with you, so make sure you have a notepad and pen.
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And if you are walking or driving or whatever it may be, remember to share this episode with someone later.
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Take a screenshot, message it.
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I love all the posts on Instagram and Twitter and Facebook that I ve been seeing going up.
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The TikTok, oh my gosh, those of you sharing with the audio on TikTok, thank you so much.
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So the first question I want to introduce to you, this question is, what am I doing right that I should do more of?
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What is it that I m doing that you notice and appreciate?
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What is it that I m doing that you actually think is good and you d love for me to do it more because it works?
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Notice how you could ask this to a romantic partner, a work partner, whoever it may be, a friend.
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What this allows for you is that it boosts your own self-esteem.
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You recognize that the person you re sitting with does recognize your hard work, your effort.
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They do recognize the energy you re putting into it.
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They do recognize the amount of input you have.
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And often if that person doesn t have a natural
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way of reminding you of this you forget and in your head you build the narrative that they don t care, they don t notice me, they don t appreciate me, they avoid me.
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It s really fascinating to me to see that, that we build up stories in our head
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without actually checking in with the other person.
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When you say to the other person, what am I doing right that I should do more of?
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They get to tell you, well I love the way you send emails in an organized way.
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I love that you message me, you love me in the morning.
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I love that whenever I need you, you always pick up.
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And all of a sudden, you feel appreciated.
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You feel considered, you feel heard, you feel seen.
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All of those things that you didn t feel just a moment ago, you get a chance to alleviate.
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You get a chance to recognize that actually the person you think doesn t notice you, notices you more than you think they notice you.
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You with me?
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And what it does for the other person is really special.
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It gives them an opportunity to compliment you or share gratitude with you.
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Often what I find is that because we haven t been trained in gratitude, because we haven t been accustomed to learn how to give genuine compliments, we struggle.
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And so often someone that you re with or someone that you re working with may not even know that you need that, they may not know how to do it, they may feel uncomfortable.
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I often have people, I had a review for the podcast the other day, thank you for everyone leaving reviews,
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I read a review that just said, Jay, I don t want to be overly, you know, excited, but I just love this podcast.
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And I was thinking, but that s not overly excited.
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I appreciate that.
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but people are scared of sharing compliments and gratitude.
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So by you asking this question, what am I doing right that I should do more of, not only do you get a chance to hear that this person does care about you, they do notice you, you also give them an opportunity to practice gratitude and complimenting, which is healthy for their mental health and their well-being.
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Now let s look at the awkward scenario where you ask this question and the person has nothing to say, right?
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Let s say you ask this question and the person has nothing to say.
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You re now recognizing that there is a bit of a way to go.
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Whether that person isn t aware, whether they really don t notice, whether they re not conscious, this is an opportunity for you to recognize where you stand with someone based on the quality of their response.
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Their response may be immediate, their response may be thoughtful, they may pause for a while and that s fine because that shows a sign of a genuine answer but if they say
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Well, I don t think there s anything.
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I think everything s fine.
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Don t get angry at them.
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Don t get mad at them.
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Don t get upset with them.
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Say, think about it.
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Come back to me when you ve thought about it.
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And give them some time.
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Let them maybe sit with it for a week.
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Let them really sit with that because they may give you a really thoughtful response.
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So that s question number one.
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The second question is, what should I do less of?
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See, you just asked for something that created a compliment or gratitude.
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Now you want to ask for feedback.
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Do it in this order.
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What is it that I do that I should do less of?
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Is there something that I do right now that you d like me to do a little less of?
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This is really powerful.
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You re asking for feedback without saying, do you have feedback for me?
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You re actually asking for a chance to improve.
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You re asking for a chance to allow that person to share.
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If you really love them, if you really care about them and you believe they care about you, isn t it healthy for them to say, hey, I feel like every time I get home, you re always asking me about my day and I get really tired to answer that.
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Then I d love to answer that a bit later.
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Or you always ask me really important questions while I m on my phone and please next time just say to me, hey can you just please not be on your phone while I ask you this and I ll give you more attention.
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So there s so many ways of using this as an opportunity to create a healthier more powerful connection.
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We rarely ask for feedback in relationships because what happens in relationships is we think the other person should know.
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We think the other person should read our mind.
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We think that the other person should already be aware.
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Or we don t give it because we re scared.
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We re scared and therefore when you ask someone you re opening up a safe space.
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But you ve got to be ready to ask it, and why will you be ready?
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Because you ll understand that no matter what they say is not personal to you.
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It s about a pattern, a trait, a habit.
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But it s not about you.
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Now you ll say, well Jay, what do you mean?
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Of course it s about me.
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If they re telling me that I need to be less distracted when I m on my phone, how is that not about me?
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You re not a distracted person, you re a person who has distractions.
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So making time and now being able to be present is actually helping you too.
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Stress, anxiety, overwhelm, burnout.
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What do all of these have in common?
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A lack of perceived control over your time, thoughts and tasks.
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But what if I told you fixing all of these problems is as simple as fixing your mindset towards them?
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I know, not simple at all.
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Everyone s busy, everyone s stressed, but we could all use more calm in our lives and learning to stay grounded and grateful is truly a daily practice.
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That s why I ve partnered with calm.com to bring you the Daily J.
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If you ve ever wanted to meditate with me and take back control over your busy mind, join me on the Calm app for the Daily J, a daily guided meditation where I ll help you find calm in the chaos, plant beautiful intentions for a happy, abundant life, and simple steps for positive actions to get you closer to the life of your dreams.
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Meditate with me by going to calm.com forward slash J to get 40% off a Calm Premium membership.
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That s only $42 for the whole year for daily guided meditations.
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Experience the daily J only on Calm.
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When you find that bright spot to help you get through your day, it s powerful.
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That s where the bright side comes in.
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A new daily podcast from Hello Sunshine that s bringing you a daily dose of joy.
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I m Danielle Robay.
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And I m Simone Boyce.
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Listen, both Danielle and I are reporters.
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We ve covered the news and we know the world can feel heavy.
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But the Bright Side podcast is a space to have a little fun, to learn something new and get into some friendly debates.
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That s right, join us five days a week to see how life can look from the bright side.
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We ll hear from celebrities, authors, experts, and listeners like you.
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Whether it s relationships, friend advice, or figuring out how to navigate life s transitions, we ll talk through it all together.
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Listen to The Bright Side from Hello Sunshine every weekday on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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A new season of Bridgerton is here.
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And with it, a new season of Bridgerton, the official podcast.
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I m your host, Gabrielle Collins.
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And this season, we are bringing fans even deeper into the ton.
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Colin Bridgerton has returned from his travels abroad.
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Is Betrothal written in the stars for the eligible bachelor?
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Meanwhile, the ton is reverberating with speculation of who holds Lady Whistledown s pen.
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We re discussing it all.
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I sit down with Nicola Coughlin, Luke Newton, Shonda Rhimes, and more to offer an exclusive peek behind the scenes of each episode of the new season.
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Watch season three of the Shondaland series on Netflix.
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Then, fall in love all over again by listening to Bridgerton, the official podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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Subscribe to catch a new episode every Thursday.
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When the Taliban banned music in Afghanistan, millions were plunged into silence.
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Radios were smashed.
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Cassettes burned.
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You could be beaten or jailed or killed for breaking the rules.
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And yet, Afghans did it anyway.
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This is the story of how a group of people brought music back to Afghanistan by creating their own version of American Idol.
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The danger they endured.
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They said my head should be cut off.
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The joy they brought to the nation.
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You re free completely.
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No one is there to destroy you.
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I m John Legend.
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Listen to Afghan Star on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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Question number three, what do I do that makes you feel confident?
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This is a wonderful question to ask someone when you have trust in a business, when you have trust in a relationship, that person makes you feel confident.
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If you think about the relationships that we don t like in our life,
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And if we think about a relationship that we re struggling with, it s because that person doesn t make us feel confident.
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In a dating relationship, if someone makes you feel insecure, you don t know if you trust them.
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In a business relationship, if you can t count on someone, if someone isn t reliable, that means you don t have confidence in them, you don t trust them.
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And ultimately, if you can t expect that a friend will be there when you need them, you don t have confidence in them.
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So when you say, what do I do that makes you feel confident?
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You get a chance to see the level of trust you have in a relationship.
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So if you say, what do I do that makes you feel confident?
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And they say, well, you always compliment me.
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You re always noticing the good in me.
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That s beautiful.
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They recognize that.
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If you say, what do I do that makes you feel confident?
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And they say, well, you know, from a work perspective, I always feel organized because I know you re on top of my schedule.
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This allows you to repeat that habit.
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And it allows that person to acknowledge that you make them feel confident.
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It deepens trust.
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It deepens your bond and relationships in ways that you can t imagine.
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So that s question number three.
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And really it s for your repetition.
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It s so that you can repeat that action to build confidence, to build trust in that relationship.
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How many of you want to be in relationships that are trusting, that are building confidence?
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Question number four is what do I do that makes you anxious?
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What do I do that I might not
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even be aware of that makes you anxious?
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What do I do that makes you feel uncomfortable that I might not even be aware of?
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I might actually be thinking I m helping.
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I realized with me and Radhi, I would always ask her a question.
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I d always say to her, well, let s go through your work schedule.
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Like, how are you feeling about what s coming up this week?
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And she d always be like, I don t want to talk about that.
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And she, later on, when I asked her this question, told me, hey, I feel anxious when you talk to me about work on the weekends because I just want to switch off from everything.
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And I was like wow that s so interesting because I always thought I was helping you plan.
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And we judge ourselves by our intention, not by the effect of how it makes that person feel.
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But how that person feels is more important than our intention.
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So when I ask Radhi, hey let s talk about your work schedule.
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I have great intentions, I love her and I want to help her.
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But if my intention is that but it makes her feel uncomfortable, then I need to change that.
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So what do I do that makes you feel anxious?
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What do I do that makes you feel uncomfortable?
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Is a great question to allow the other person to be vulnerable with you.
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and for you to gain awareness and I think for so many people we don t want to ask this question because we want to think we do everything right and we think that our intention is right therefore we re not worried about well we re like well what could I do to make them feel anxious because I love them I care about them you can still make someone feel anxious even if you care about them if you ve not understood
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how they receive it.
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Let me repeat that.
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You can still make someone feel anxious, even if you love them, if you don t know how your actions and words impact them.
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If you are not aware of how your actions and behavior and your words make someone feel, it doesn t matter how much you love them, they can still feel anxious and uncomfortable.
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I once said to someone on my team, what do I do that makes you feel uncomfortable?
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What do I do that makes you feel anxious?
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They said, Jay, you are always on to the next.
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You re always changing.
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You re always iterating.
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And that makes me feel uncomfortable because I don t feel like what I ve done is good enough.
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And I thought, wow, this is amazing.
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Because I would compliment, I would congratulate,
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but still that wasn t enough and they said well sometimes i just need to feel like reminded again that we did get someone i m like wow thank you so much for that like thank you for giving me that feedback so when you ask someone for this you get so many wonderful profound responses i want you to really test this out the reason i m doing this episode instead of just giving you principles i m trying to give you questions because i want you to try these out
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I want you to test them out.
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I want to give you real tools on this podcast, not just ideas or concepts, but tools that you can practice with someone you work with, someone you love, someone you have a deep friendship with, whoever it may be, because I want you to get this clarity in your relationship.
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See, relationships deepen when there s clarity.
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We always say, oh, the importance behind a relationship is communication, but the key to good communication is clarity.
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And you only get clarity when you ask great questions.
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Okay, question number five is what is your love language?
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We all know the book Love Languages that Gary Chapman made.
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The five love languages.
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If you don t know it, it s an awesome theory.
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The idea of we all like to receive love in different ways, but we often give love in the way we want to receive it, not in the way someone else wants to receive it.
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So the five love languages are words of affirmation, physical touch, receiving gifts, quality time and acts of service.
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So words of affirmation is people in our lives who like to be reminded through words that they have achieved something, that they are worthy, that they are loved.
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The idea that we need a love note, we need a text, we need encouragement, words of affirmation, you know people in your life and we all need all of these but we need them in an order.
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Second is physical touch, holding hands, hugs, morning cuddles, whatever it may be, physical touch.
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It could also be a gentle hand just to say yeah I m here with you, I m here for you.
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Right?
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It s all non-verbal.
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It s body language based.
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Receiving gifts, I mean, this was a big one for me for a long, long time.
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I love receiving gifts.
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And I love giving gifts, but I realized they re not ever in my life.
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needs gifts in the way I do so I love receiving gifts like absolutely love personalized gifts and I love giving people personalized gifts and I started to realize that people didn t respond to gifts in the way I did so some people when they got gifts from me no matter how amazing they were they were like yeah that s great thank you but really they wanted the next one quality time they wanted quality time and this is the thing about love languages you can t buy someone over
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with words of affirmation if really what they want is quality time.
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You can t replace physical touch with a gift.
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And then the last fifth one is acts of service.
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People want support, people want help when you go out of your way.
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I had one friend who wants acts of service and so nothing else is considered as important as an act of service.
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She feels you can t be a friend if there hasn t been an act of service.
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Asking your partner what their love language is, is a really useful skill, a really powerful skill because it gives that opportunity.
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it gives that ability for someone to tell you how they want to be loved.
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Now when it s their birthday, if what they want is words of affirmation, you might write them a poem, you might write them the longest card ever, you might write them a secret clue that leads to all these different things that they learn about themselves.
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If someone wants acts of service, you may make them breakfast in bed instead of buying them a gift and often you re like, well I just bought you an amazing gift, why aren t you happy?
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And they re like,
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But I m really looking for acts of service.
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So asking someone what their love language is helps you love them better.
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And that can be a work colleague, it can be a friend, it can be anyone in your life.
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The sixth question, which is stuff that I m really working on right now that I can t wait to share with you in my next book, is what s your fight style?
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Do you run away and need to be alone?
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Do you want to talk it out?
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Or are you someone that needs to scream and shout?
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Like, do I need to get used to that?
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Do I need to be aware of that?
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What I love about these questions is you also get to open up about your answers.
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When you ve asked a question, you get to then share with the other person how you feel, what you re going through, what you re experiencing as well.
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So fight styles, now I know, like Radhi, she needs to sit and reflect.
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And I want to talk it out.
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We re both not shouty people, we re not overly aggravated people.
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But in the beginning, I would be like, oh, well, if you don t want to talk about it, that means you don t care about it.
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And she d be like, I do care about it, but I need to think about it.
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And then I d be like, all right, well, let s meet in the middle.
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When do we talk about this?
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Let s set a time so that we do get there.
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A lot of this requires cooperation.
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But if we don t have the basic cooperation, chances are we don t really have a strong relationship.
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And that s painful to understand.
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But it s true that a relationship requires a lot of collaboration and cooperation.
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So if we re not collaborating and cooperating on this, it makes it really tough.
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So truthfully, understanding each other s fight style saves you a lot of energy and time.
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If you never ask that question, you re left guessing, wishing, waiting, hoping.
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So many different things that are going on, right?
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So many different things.
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Now the seventh question is, and this is the toughest one, the hardest one, is this relationship going in the direction you want it to go?
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If not, what is the direction?
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And shall we both commit to that?
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Can we both commit to that?
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This is one of those questions that you wait to ask when you feel really confident in a relationship.
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I just spent the last couple of days with my business partner behind all of our incredible programs.
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If you re not a Genius member make sure you check out jscheddygenius.com.
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Big shout out to all our Genius members listening.
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to our coaching certification, our accredited coaches, our life coaches, jscheddycoaching.com.
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My friend and business partner who helped develop these things with me, we just spent four days together in LA.
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We hadn t seen each other during the pandemic because he lives in London and I live in LA.
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And we were asking this question, are we going in the direction we want to go in?
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And we realized that without asking that question, we were moving on default, things were progressing, we were doing great work, but we couldn t identify the direction we wanted to go in.
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And now that we ve done that over four days, I can t wait for what s coming to you.
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I cannot express to you how excited I am about all the amazing updates we have coming your way, about what s happening in our world and ecosystem.
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And that came from asking that question, is this going in the right direction?
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What can we do to get it in the right direction?
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We know we believe in each other, we know we re connected, but what do we need to do?
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These are the seven questions to ask to deepen any relationship and improve vulnerability, intimacy and connection.
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Thank you so much for listening.
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I hope you test these out.
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Test one of them out this week.
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Test one out every day.
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Give it a go in different relationships and watch how your life changes.
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Thanks for listening.
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I ll be back next week with two extra exciting episodes.
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Of course, you can listen every day.
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We ve got an amazing library.
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I ll see you soon.
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Thanks, everyone.
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A new season of Bridgerton is here.
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And with it, a new season of Bridgerton, the official podcast.
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I m your host, Gabby Collins.
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And this season, we are bringing fans even deeper into the ton.
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Watch season three of the Shondaland series on Netflix.
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Then fall in love all over again by listening to Bridgerton, the official podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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Subscribe to catch a new episode every Thursday.
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Hey everyone, this is Molly and Matt, and we re the hosts of Grown Up Stuff How to Adult, a podcast from Ruby Studio and iHeart Podcasts.
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It s a show dedicated to helping you figure out the trickiest parts of adulting.
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Like how to start planning for retirement, creating a healthy skincare routine, understanding when and how much to tip someone, and so much more.
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Let s learn about all of it and then some.
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Listen to Grown Up Stuff How to Adult on America s number one podcast network, iHeart.
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Open your free iHeart app and search Grown Up Stuff.