0
SPEAKER_01
What s going on?
0
SPEAKER_00
What gym are you at?
0
SPEAKER_00
What s the address?
0
SPEAKER_00
Do they still serve pizza there on Fridays?
0
SPEAKER_00
Or like the... the like purple Tootsie... the Fru-Fruities?
0
SPEAKER_00
Tootie Fruities?
0
SPEAKER_00
The Tootie Fruities?
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, they re... It s weird, we don t get pizza anymore, we just get fucking Tootsie Rolls.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like dentist s office candy.
0
SPEAKER_00
What s your name, Tygan?
0
SPEAKER_01
What s your name, dawg?
0
SPEAKER_00
My name?
0
SPEAKER_00
God, this is... I m just gonna drop my... my alias, Blorty, aka Slim Diaper on Instagram.
0
SPEAKER_01
Slim Diaper?
0
SPEAKER_00
Swim diaper, yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
What s going on, slim diaper?
0
SPEAKER_01
What, uh, is it leg day, arm day?
0
SPEAKER_00
Swim, swim.
0
SPEAKER_00
Swim?
0
SPEAKER_00
So like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
Swim diaper.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, nah, it s not leg day, it s not arm day, it s always cardio day.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh, it s always cardio day.
0
SPEAKER_00
Well, I guess there s context.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, so I start popping E, like estrogen, and like, Spiro, which like, like kills your testosterone and shit, so.
0
SPEAKER_00
Like, I m kinda like doing that, like girl thing.
0
SPEAKER_01
Are you, are you transitioning?
0
SPEAKER_00
Um... I just like to say I m growing tits.
0
SPEAKER_01
Alright.
0
SPEAKER_00
And my hair out.
0
SPEAKER_01
Cool.
0
SPEAKER_01
What, how is your... Does estrogen grow hair?
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
So, I used to be like super jacked.
0
SPEAKER_00
Um, and then, um... And then my first experience with like a hormone blocker was
0
SPEAKER_00
finasteride, if you know about finasteride.
0
SPEAKER_00
No, because my hair was starting to thin at like 22 and, um, I got on it and then I was like, damn, like I really want like fucking long, pretty hair, like over muscles.
0
SPEAKER_00
So I kind of switched up and now I m going no muscle with tits and long hair.
0
SPEAKER_01
So what made you want to grow tits?
0
SPEAKER_00
Um, I don t know.
0
SPEAKER_00
Um, I think I just kind of, like, I could get really deep into it with the whole, like, trans thing.
0
SPEAKER_00
But, like, ultimately, it s like, if you, like, really want to be, like, feminine, there s, like, kind of one side of things.
0
SPEAKER_00
And if you really want to be masculine, it s kind of another side of things.
0
SPEAKER_00
And I kind of wanted to be the more feminine side of things.
0
SPEAKER_01
Do you view a beautiful long hair to be a feminine trait?
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, yeah, totally.
0
SPEAKER_00
Totally.
0
SPEAKER_00
I mean, we re like designed as dudes to like, like not have nice hair, you know, we re supposed to have like body hair and shit.
0
SPEAKER_00
We re not supposed to have.
0
SPEAKER_00
So yeah, it s like long, pretty hair is like totally a chick thing.
0
SPEAKER_00
I feel like in my head at least.
0
SPEAKER_01
Um, well, well, swim.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m just, I m just going to call you swim.
0
SPEAKER_01
Well, swim.
0
SPEAKER_01
Uh, what did you want to talk about today?
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_00
So, so.
0
SPEAKER_00
Um, I am like a very active member in the adult baby community, aka ABDL.
0
SPEAKER_00
I got it tatted on my ass.
0
SPEAKER_00
Like, hardcore in this shit.
0
SPEAKER_00
Hardcore in the scene.
0
SPEAKER_00
And... I don t know, we like to go, like, there s parties all over the country at like... Either it s like a mansion, or like a... Like an Airbnb mansion.
0
SPEAKER_00
And, um... There s just a lot of us, like...
0
SPEAKER_00
cooler, like, better to vibe with ABDLs that, like, are invited, like, 40 people or so.
0
SPEAKER_00
And, um, there s a lot of party favors.
0
SPEAKER_00
And you could probably guess what that is.
0
SPEAKER_00
Experimental party favors too.
0
SPEAKER_00
And we all kind of just like, every single person is wearing a diaper, like, like pissing in diapers, not shit, just pissing in diapers and, um, partying.
0
SPEAKER_00
And like, it s kind of like an orgy for like, like a low key orgy.
0
SPEAKER_00
Like, you know, you re playing card games too.
0
SPEAKER_00
You re not just fucking, you know, for like four days.
0
SPEAKER_00
And then a few months later, another one happens.
0
SPEAKER_01
Hmm.
0
SPEAKER_01
Do you ever catch any gnarly STDs doing that?
0
SPEAKER_00
Well, so that s like the beauty of beautiful thing about diapers.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s not always like, we re not always like having kind of regular intercourse, like,
0
SPEAKER_00
I don t know, we all kind of like, part of like being an adult baby and like being in like a diaper fetishes is like you like the feeling of like, like, like piss in a diaper, which sounds like so weird, but like, it especially feels good on substances, but like... Swim, I gotta tell you, that sounds like there s an even greater opportunity to pass diseases.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, really?
0
SPEAKER_00
You think?
0
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I don t know, I think adding piss and shit into the mix is probably gonna make it.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, no shit, no shit, bro.
0
SPEAKER_00
Nah, shit, that is awful.
0
SPEAKER_01
Alright, that s where you draw your line.
0
SPEAKER_00
That s awful.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, well, that s just like, think about it, dude.
0
SPEAKER_00
Like, we re regular people too, if you shit.
0
SPEAKER_00
If you shit in a diaper at a party, you re kind of killing the vibe for everybody, you know?
0
SPEAKER_01
attending one of these parties as a you know like if I were into being a baby and I I would totally feel like it would be a place where I could take a shit in my diaper that s the whole point of the whole point of wearing a diaper is to shit in it that s what a diaper is so what like that s the line is that when a guy shits it s you everyone gets mad at him dude so maybe this is like a rule that s been like curated through like trial and error because
0
SPEAKER_00
Of course, as an ABDL, like, if you ask me, have I shat in a diaper as an adult?
0
SPEAKER_00
Of course I have.
0
SPEAKER_00
Does it, like, smell like shit?
0
SPEAKER_00
Like, in the whole room?
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it s, like, totally not the vibe.
0
SPEAKER_00
So, if you think about it, if you ve got, like, a party of, like, 40 people and people are, like, dancing, like, some people are, you know, like, eating some candy, some people are, like, I don t know, making out, like, you don t want to automatically, like, all of a sudden, like, smell like shit, you know?
0
SPEAKER_00
So I feel like it kills the vibe.
0
SPEAKER_00
So I get where you re coming from, but I kind of disagree.
0
SPEAKER_01
You know, I, I feel like the lines you draw are arbitrary, but I digress.
0
SPEAKER_01
Um, where do you, uh, how long you been doing this for?
0
SPEAKER_00
So I ve probably been in the community for like, I don t know, like four or five years.
0
SPEAKER_00
But the thing about like ABDL is we ve all been into this shit, like without knowing each other since,
0
SPEAKER_01
basically birth which sounds weird but like true it sounds um actually it actually it makes perfect sense you were really into being a baby since you were a baby wow fuck that s damn i didn t think about it like that i think i feel like i know more about being a baby than you honestly
0
SPEAKER_00
Well, you have an outside point of view.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s a great perspective you have.
0
SPEAKER_00
You know, I don t get to get this perspective often because I don t tell like regular people, you know?
0
SPEAKER_01
Why don t you tell regular people?
0
SPEAKER_00
Well, I mean, think about it, you know, you re at the bar, you know, you re meeting you meet a cute chick or something or whatever, and, you know, you tell her you like to like piss in diapers, like it probably reduces your chances a little bit.
0
SPEAKER_00
So it s kind of one of those things that we keep amongst ourselves.
0
SPEAKER_00
because people get fired from jobs and shit and stuff like that.
0
SPEAKER_00
Like it s, it s better just to keep this shit like private and tucked away.
0
SPEAKER_01
Well, I mean, you know what?
0
SPEAKER_01
Sure.
0
SPEAKER_01
If you re talking to a girl at a bar and you tell her that you like to piss in a diaper, there s a 99.999% chance that she s going to be turned off by that.
0
SPEAKER_01
But,
0
SPEAKER_00
I d reduce that number a little bit.
0
SPEAKER_01
I d reduce it.
0
SPEAKER_01
There s a 0.001% chance that she s going to be extremely turned on by it.
0
SPEAKER_00
Damn.
0
SPEAKER_00
Well, see, that s, this is my thinking.
0
SPEAKER_00
Actually.
0
SPEAKER_00
I think you re very smart.
0
SPEAKER_00
I think you re on to something.
0
SPEAKER_00
I m on to the same thing.
0
SPEAKER_00
So I got a tatted the acronym on my ass, because if you know, you know,
0
SPEAKER_00
If you see that acronym and it means nothing to you, it means nothing to you, so I m one step ahead of you.
0
SPEAKER_01
What s the acronym?
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, A-B-D-L.
0
SPEAKER_01
Ah, there we go.
0
SPEAKER_01
And it s on your ass, too, so.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah, my girlfriend now, I guess you could say, well, legally my wife, but I call her my girlfriend.
1
SPEAKER_01
because I was going to talk about this to you.
1
SPEAKER_01
I had to marry her because we found out her visa was kind of expired.
1
SPEAKER_00
So where s she from?
1
SPEAKER_01
Uh, Canada.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
Is she also a baby person?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, definitely.
1
SPEAKER_00
Is that how you met her?
1
SPEAKER_01
Very much so.
1
SPEAKER_01
Uh, yeah, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
I met her at a convention.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Um,
1
SPEAKER_01
and her ex actually saw me and thought I was hot and wanted to fuck me and that s kind of how she came to like acknowledge my existence.
1
SPEAKER_00
Do you guys swing?
1
SPEAKER_01
So I can t but like I m into like I think it s hot like if she like occasionally like fucks other people but it s I don t know it sounds like weird but it s totally not.
1
SPEAKER_00
You have a one-sided open relationship.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it s called being a cuck.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay, how long have you been into doing that for?
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, that s the thing about fetishes.
1
SPEAKER_01
I ve probably gotten off to it for, I don t know, eight years now, but I dove in within the last year or so.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s kind of cool.
1
SPEAKER_01
It kind of makes you feel like a fucking loser, but it sucks because you think it s hot.
1
SPEAKER_00
So, um, but isn t feeling like a fucking loser part of the experience?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it is.
1
SPEAKER_01
But it s like, I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_01
I explained this to my, my girl is it s like, it s kind of like getting spanked or something like, because you like, it doesn t mean it doesn t also hurt, you know?
1
SPEAKER_00
Hmm.
1
SPEAKER_00
Um, tell me more about being a cook.
1
SPEAKER_01
Um, so I like begged my chick to like get a, um, like a dating app or something.
1
SPEAKER_01
And, uh, what do you know?
1
SPEAKER_01
She s banned from Tinder.
1
SPEAKER_01
So we had to resort to Bumble and, um,
1
SPEAKER_01
You know, she got the swipe in, uh, started talking to some dudes and like, she s like telling me like the messages and shit and I think it s hot.
1
SPEAKER_01
I fucking hate that I think it s hot, but you know, like I definitely have definitely jerked off like some of the messages before and shit and that s, I feel so lame doing that, but so anyways, yeah, I, um, I ve gotten turned on to it and then eventually, you know, it ends up happening and actually,
1
SPEAKER_01
It really pissed me off.
1
SPEAKER_01
Like I felt like a, I felt like a loser, you know?
1
SPEAKER_01
And I felt like, kind of like she obviously wasn t cheating on me, but it kind of like felt like that in a way.
1
SPEAKER_01
And, um, but at the same time, like I was turned on and I was like, it was like a shitty situation, but then time goes on and all of a sudden you re like, okay, yeah, you know what?
1
SPEAKER_01
Like I got over that part.
1
SPEAKER_01
Like, I m not, I m not insecure about that part much anymore.
1
SPEAKER_01
Like,
1
SPEAKER_01
I know she wants me, she doesn t want some fucking loser.
1
SPEAKER_01
But it hurts at first, being a cuck.
1
SPEAKER_01
It hurts at first.
1
SPEAKER_00
Do you wish that it didn t turn you on?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
100% yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Absolutely.
1
SPEAKER_00
How many times do you do when she has like has she when she hooks up with these guys?
1
SPEAKER_00
Are you in the room with her?
1
SPEAKER_01
Nah, so that hasn t happened yet.
1
SPEAKER_01
You got to get some like serious balls to have that happen.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m like kind of scared of like diving into it too much.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s OK.
1
SPEAKER_01
So hold up.
1
SPEAKER_01
Backtrack.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s been over the phone like she s had her phone on and I ve heard like the whole interaction.
1
SPEAKER_01
I want to like see it and stuff.
1
SPEAKER_01
But I don t think I could be there, and I think that s just pushing it, like, too far, because, like, realistically speaking, like, it s like a can of worms opening sort of situation, you know?
1
SPEAKER_01
And I don t wanna, like, really fuck up my, like, sexuality, so... It s already so fucking twisted, so... I m being very careful with that.
1
SPEAKER_00
So, I mean, there s kind of, like,
1
SPEAKER_01
Like, having a relationship with somebody and being a cuck, like, kind of contradicts itself because you want the person to, like, fuck somebody else.
1
SPEAKER_01
So, like, while some people might think, like, being an ABDL is, like, a lot weirder, like, I m more comfortable, like, diving into that than I am, like, cuck stuff because I don t want it to, like, fuck up my relationship.
1
SPEAKER_01
But I do think, like, dipping my toes in a little bit is preventing me from, like,
1
SPEAKER_01
diving way too deep and it s also preventing me from like not getting to experience it, so.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s like a safe medium.
1
SPEAKER_01
Just the occasional dick.
1
SPEAKER_00
Have you ever talked to a therapist about this?
1
SPEAKER_01
Nah, you re the first one.
1
SPEAKER_01
Nah, I have not.
1
SPEAKER_00
Where do you think this fetish comes from?
1
SPEAKER_01
The cuck one?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
Or I guess all of it.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, so the... Okay, ABDL, the source is more clear.
1
SPEAKER_01
So basically, this is just kind of like a commonly said thing amongst ABDLs.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s like, all the dudes are autistic and all the chicks have BPD.
1
SPEAKER_01
And it kind of holds true.
1
SPEAKER_01
So I think it has something to do with that.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s definitely like a neurodivergent thing.
1
SPEAKER_01
Like you don t get into this shit like being
1
SPEAKER_01
It s neurotypical at all.
1
SPEAKER_01
You gotta have you gotta have something like twisted in your mind and like the cuck stuff One time I like manically got obsessive and like I like Convinced myself that like my ex like cheated on me and then like slowly over time I feel like thinking about it think about it like hating it hating that um This is like four or five years ago like eventually I started Liking the idea
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it s very often.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s kind of sad.
1
SPEAKER_01
So I heard the dude like three times people ago, and I really hope he doesn t hear this.
1
SPEAKER_01
I hope he s not tuning in.
1
SPEAKER_01
But I really hope that doesn t awaken a cuckold fetish for him.
1
SPEAKER_01
But that is like a scenario where like something like that would happen.
1
SPEAKER_00
So your ex cheated on you and he didn t.
1
SPEAKER_01
I got, I went, I went mentally, manically crazy.
1
SPEAKER_01
I had a decent, like if I, I could, I could pitch to you the manic story, but it s like pointless.
1
SPEAKER_01
But I convinced myself that she had cheated on me.
1
SPEAKER_00
You convinced yourself that she had cheated on you and then that awakened within you a fantasy that she did.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then that fantasy manifested itself as sexually pleasurable.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, exactly.
1
SPEAKER_01
Um,
1
SPEAKER_00
So, I mean, it is so is your girlfriend.
1
SPEAKER_00
So is that true?
1
SPEAKER_00
Is your girlfriend BPD and you re autistic?
1
SPEAKER_01
Like, the thing is, like, obviously, everybody s not like this.
1
SPEAKER_01
super horrible BPD and the dudes are like super horrible, horribly like autistic.
1
SPEAKER_01
But like, do I definitely show like autistic symptoms?
1
SPEAKER_01
And does my girl definitely show strong BPD slash autistic symptoms?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, totally.
1
SPEAKER_01
But I guess it s not like, like I wasn t in any special classes or some shit, not like Bissell s classes and shit, but I wasn t.
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, look, everything aside, um, I mean, well, how old are you?
1
SPEAKER_01
I m 27.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
I mean, how are you, uh, do you like life?
1
SPEAKER_01
Um, honestly, I ve had a lot of ups and downs with that.
1
SPEAKER_01
Um, like since I was probably like, I don t know, like 21, uh, I got very depressed, like for years and shit, but like,
1
SPEAKER_01
kind of rolling with, but ironically, like that was at that time when I was not really like being true to myself.
1
SPEAKER_01
And yeah, I would say like life is like improved a lot and I feel a lot better about myself, especially even in like my vanilla life, just because of the fact that I m like doing these things that I ve always wanted to do.
1
SPEAKER_01
So like involving myself into like ABDL and like partying with like super cool people that are like awesome.
1
SPEAKER_01
And, um, like getting to experience like cock stuff, all of this, it s like, it s like, it s, it s, uh, it s been a little, like, I guess, like pepping my stuff, you could say.
2
SPEAKER_00
like my vanilla life.
2
SPEAKER_00
So, um, currently I would say like, I m definitely feeling a lot better about my life than like I was a couple of years ago, like a million percent.
2
SPEAKER_00
But, um, I would say I m still a little bit depressed, but so much better.
2
SPEAKER_00
So this stuff is ironically like helped a little bit, like for sure.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, because I was going to say, like, you know, societal conventions aside, I feel like these things are a matter of, you know, if the individual is benefiting from them.
2
SPEAKER_01
And it sounds as though, from everything you ve told me, that, you know, this stuff has been good for you by your own definition.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
Definitely.
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, it s definitely been good for me.
2
SPEAKER_00
And, um, I think like it gets such a bad rep, like online, but because like very often, like the people that are willing to like, say, go on the TV shows or like go on to like stuff like this, et cetera, or like the people that are like crazy, because most of the cool AVDLs like have the common sense to like not call in.
2
SPEAKER_00
But like, what do you know?
2
SPEAKER_00
Like I m stupid.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m stupid as shit.
2
SPEAKER_00
But I m also, like, cool enough.
2
SPEAKER_00
So, like, you re very fortunate to have, like, a real look through me of, like, a regular ABDL.
2
SPEAKER_00
There s people in ABDL in very high corporate positions, incredibly rich people, incredibly successful people.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like, I would say actually more successful than average.
2
SPEAKER_00
And also, I would say a lot of the people in tech.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I mean, of course that makes sense Yeah, I mean every when you walk down the street, you know, there s like there s the subconscious and all that stuff I mean when you walk down the street, you know, you can just look at someone and they re probably Really into you know
2
SPEAKER_01
You walk past, at least every day, you walk past at least five different people who like getting shat on their chest.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh yeah, totally.
2
SPEAKER_01
Without even knowing it.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
I think that s beautiful, to be honest.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, um, I don t know.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I understand.
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, this stuff getting hate online, right?
2
SPEAKER_01
Like the cuck stuff and the ABDL stuff.
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I, I think I d like to think most people share the sentiment socially, politically, whatever.
2
SPEAKER_01
They share the sentiment that human beings should be able to do whatever they want as long as they don t interfere with other human beings  ability to also do whatever they want.
2
SPEAKER_01
There s varying interpretations of what counts as interference.
2
SPEAKER_01
You know, some people are like, oh, if you, um, you know, pretend to be a baby, you spit in the face of God, which is an interference of, of, you know, to me or something like that.
2
SPEAKER_01
But most people, I think don t give a fuck what other people do, as long as it doesn t affect them.
2
SPEAKER_00
I would, I hate to say this, my man, I hate to say this.
2
SPEAKER_00
I disagree with you a little bit because, like, in my experience, like, and just seeing comments and kind of, like, being around this, like, in this position, um, you hear that sort of perspective, but, um, and you, like, hope that s true, but then very often people will be like, oh, but that s too fucking weird, man.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s too fucking weird.
2
SPEAKER_00
That, like, that can t be allowed.
2
SPEAKER_00
We ve pushed the ball too far, shit like that.
2
SPEAKER_00
And it s, and it s sad, too, because it s like,
2
SPEAKER_00
Um, I don t know.
2
SPEAKER_00
There s a lot of stuff like fighting for acceptance.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s like kind of shoved in your face and like a video is kind of something that like we want it to be behind closed doors.
2
SPEAKER_00
We just don t want like, we kind of think like, Hey, like if, if you accidentally find out somehow that like somebody you employ
2
SPEAKER_00
happens to be in ABDL, although he tried to hide it.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like, it s almost unethical.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, I think here s what all right.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, you have a thing you have.
2
SPEAKER_01
Here s the thing with the ABDL that you have going strongly against you is that look, obviously, I m sure that everybody in this community is an adult.
2
SPEAKER_01
But, um... I... I... People understandably have... Reservations... About, uh... You know, even if it s to consenting adults.
2
SPEAKER_01
Reservations about folks who are into, like, age play.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like... Cause... Cause... Well, because... No... There s no more hated person... In the world... Than a person... Than a person who wants to fuck babies.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yes, I would have to agree with you there.
2
SPEAKER_00
I have to agree with you there.
2
SPEAKER_00
It is it is kind of an unfortunate thing.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, the position that we ve got ourselves in.
2
SPEAKER_00
But obviously, like I explained, like, very much so has nothing to do with the other.
2
SPEAKER_00
But yeah, what are we what am I supposed to do to shake that, you know, but it s totally all like two adult things, if anything.
2
SPEAKER_00
Most people in AVDL are kind of searching for like a little mommy-daddy situation.
2
SPEAKER_00
And that isn t exactly like an eight-year-old.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like a mommy is like 32, you know?
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t know, I don t think you can choose what the fuck goes on in your brain, you know?
2
SPEAKER_01
You can choose what you act on and you can choose what you try to think about and stuff, but I don t think you can choose what s going on in your brain.
2
SPEAKER_01
So like, look, if something in your brain wants to fuck your mom, you didn t choose that.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s just- that s just where you were born.
2
SPEAKER_01
But- but you, as an enlightened 21st century human being, make, um, the informed decision, which I think is a good one, to not fuck your mom, and instead fuck a stranger, uh, that is of age and consenting, that, uh, pretends to be your mom.
2
SPEAKER_00
Nobody nobody actually wants to fuck her but actually I understand what you re saying so I m gonna totally agree with you Yeah, but obviously it goes without saying like we don t actually want to fuck our moms.
2
SPEAKER_00
We just like the position the dynamic, you know You knew that though, I know I know what you re saying I
2
SPEAKER_01
What the?
2
SPEAKER_01
No, I didn t, I mean, I don t, I don t, I don t, I don t, I look, bro.
2
SPEAKER_01
There s all, I don t know what s out there, alright?
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t know what s out there.
2
SPEAKER_00
And, um... Alright, but pause, pause.
2
SPEAKER_00
A girl has definitely called you daddy.
2
SPEAKER_01
Hold on.
2
SPEAKER_01
Since when was any of this about me, Swim?
2
SPEAKER_00
Hey now, I don t mean to, I don t mean to spin it around, but you have been called daddy.
2
SPEAKER_00
I have also been called daddy.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s just a little stronger, I guess you could say.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, I think it s about time for us to wrap this up.
2
SPEAKER_01
Swim, thanks for- Swim diaper on Instagram.
2
SPEAKER_00
Swim diaper on Instagram, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
See, I gotta tell you, you have a lot of- because not only are you calling it- you said something like people are crazy enough to call in, but not only are you calling in, you re like, hey, follow me on Instagram.
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, go for it.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m stupid.
2
SPEAKER_01
You re not stupid, you re- I don t know what you are, but I hope you have a good rest of your life.
2
SPEAKER_00
Hey man, it was great talking to you.
2
SPEAKER_00
It was great.
2
SPEAKER_01
Good talking to you too, Swim.
2
SPEAKER_01
Is there anything else you want to say to the people of, uh, the universe before we go?
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, um, uh, fuck bitches and get money.
2
SPEAKER_01
Rock and roll.
2
SPEAKER_01
Have a good one, Swim.
2
SPEAKER_00
Alright, deuces.
2
SPEAKER_01
Was that conversation too fucked up?
2
What?
2
SPEAKER_01
Hello?
2
SPEAKER_01
Hi.
2
SPEAKER_01
Is this Bucko?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, who is this?
2
SPEAKER_00
Sorry, I gotta get out of my house.
2
SPEAKER_00
My wife s asleep.
2
SPEAKER_01
What s your name, Bucko?
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, my name s Simon.
2
SPEAKER_01
Simon!
2
SPEAKER_01
Like, uh, one of- that s, uh, like the chipmunk.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, like a chipmunk.
2
SPEAKER_01
You know, it s kinda fucked- I think Alvin s the youngest, right?
2
SPEAKER_01
And yet he s the front man.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, shit.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
All right, I m outside now.
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, I know you don t give a fuck about any of that or what I just said, so let s talk about you.
3
SPEAKER_00
No, no, no, you don t.
3
SPEAKER_00
And you don t have to lie to me and I d prefer if you didn t.
3
SPEAKER_00
But I don t give a fuck about what I just said either.
3
SPEAKER_00
None of us do.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s not sacred.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s fair, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Simon!
3
SPEAKER_00
Simon, you texted me a bunch of things.
3
SPEAKER_00
Let s talk about the first one.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh yeah, it s been a couple days.
3
SPEAKER_00
You said to me, let s talk about, I want to talk about a lot of these things, but you, here s the first one.
3
SPEAKER_00
You said, I want to talk about a fake persona, I assume, on occasion, that has gotten me recognition on a national level.
3
SPEAKER_00
What does that mean?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
So, a couple years ago, maybe 2017,
3
SPEAKER_01
My wife and I went to a business.
3
SPEAKER_01
It was a comic book store, actually.
3
SPEAKER_01
Worst service ever.
3
SPEAKER_01
I walked in, the guy gave me attitude a little bit.
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, not even attitude.
3
SPEAKER_01
He didn t even look us in the eye.
3
SPEAKER_01
We were new to the area, so I was offended.
3
SPEAKER_01
And as I was walking out, I was like, you know what?
3
SPEAKER_01
I m going to leave this guy a bad review on Google.
3
SPEAKER_01
And so I was like, I don t want to use my real name, you know?
3
SPEAKER_01
So I was like, I ll use the name Simon.
3
SPEAKER_01
So Simon s not my real name, but yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
You, you, you probably knew that.
3
SPEAKER_01
So I used the name Simon and I reviewed this place.
3
SPEAKER_01
And then over the years, I progressively just like started reviewing random businesses that I went to.
3
SPEAKER_01
Right.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I eventually, uh, over the course of like years, my reviews started getting like more views on, on Google and I would just like copy it and paste it onto Yelp at the same time.
3
SPEAKER_01
So then I was getting recognition on both.
3
SPEAKER_01
Right.
3
SPEAKER_01
And Yelp had this like thing, I guess.
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, like if you like, uh, sorry for the sound shaky, by the way, I get anxiety.
3
SPEAKER_01
But, uh, they have this thing where like, if you re a top reviewer, they ll like invite you to like events in like the city you re from or like your area.
3
SPEAKER_01
So they started inviting me to like Houston events.
3
SPEAKER_01
Cause I, I I m around Houston.
3
SPEAKER_01
So they re like, uh, you know, this business is opening and, uh, we re willing to invite you, but they needed a verified profile.
3
SPEAKER_01
Right.
3
SPEAKER_01
But I wasn t gonna upload my- my face.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, instead of, like, coming clean, I just, like, I just doubled down on the- on the lie.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I went on, like, an AI-generated website, and I made, like, a- I just, like, generated a- a generic Hispanic guy, because I m Hispanic.
3
SPEAKER_01
And, uh, I uploaded that, and I, like, got verified, like, kind of in a sketchy way, where I just, like, put in a fake phone number, yadda yadda, and they subca- started sending me invites to all these, like, events in Houston.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I was, like,
3
SPEAKER_01
You know, I don t know what to do.
3
SPEAKER_01
So then I like stopped posting on Yelp.
3
SPEAKER_01
And then on Google, I just kept posting my reviews.
3
SPEAKER_01
And eventually I got to like, I don t know, 5 million views a month or something.
3
SPEAKER_01
And then I still have this profile, but, uh, basically Google just constantly reminds me that like, Hey, your reviews are getting more recognition.
3
SPEAKER_01
You should upload more.
3
SPEAKER_01
You should upload more.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I m like, man, that s not even me, you know?
3
SPEAKER_01
And then like, not even like just on Google, but like in general,
3
SPEAKER_01
When I m out places and someone asked me for my name, I want to give him my real name.
3
SPEAKER_01
So I just like say I m Simon and then Simon s more confident, you know, sorry if I m like the rambling.
3
SPEAKER_01
Is there any, any, anything I should be saying?
3
SPEAKER_00
I m like, why did your reviews go viral?
3
SPEAKER_01
What, what is it about them that kept, they re really, they re, they re, they re really detailed.
3
SPEAKER_01
Uh, for example, uh, I ll upload photos.
3
SPEAKER_01
A lot of people, when they read the things, they never upload photos.
3
SPEAKER_01
When I go to places, I ll take pictures of the menus and the surrounding areas and stuff, and a lot of people don t do that.
3
SPEAKER_01
And a lot of my photos are really detailed in terms of... Are these funny reviews?
3
SPEAKER_00
No, they re very detailed.
3
SPEAKER_00
everything that s on the menu, if it s affordable, this and that, you know, what, what s the worst and you review anything?
3
SPEAKER_00
This is just businesses in general.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
Any, any place that I just go.
3
SPEAKER_01
All right.
3
SPEAKER_00
Give me the worst place you ve ever reviewed.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like what s the most scathing review you ve ever written?
3
SPEAKER_01
Uh, I think it was the hotel in Mexico that I went to.
3
SPEAKER_00
Why was it so terrible?
3
SPEAKER_01
Uh, uh, well, when we got there,
3
SPEAKER_01
I had to like lock up some documents.
3
SPEAKER_01
And, uh, the lady was like, like, as soon as we walked in, the lady was like, ah, like it was a chore.
3
SPEAKER_01
So I was like, we really need to lock up these documents.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like they re important.
3
SPEAKER_01
Right.
3
SPEAKER_01
And the lady was like, all right, let me get a manager.
3
SPEAKER_01
So she gets to go get the manager.
3
SPEAKER_01
Right.
3
SPEAKER_01
And then I wait for like 30 minutes to an hour.
3
SPEAKER_01
I remember it was a while.
3
SPEAKER_01
And then the manager comes down and the guy s like, all right, let s do this.
3
SPEAKER_01
And then take me to like this sketchy back area behind the counter.
3
SPEAKER_01
where they have the lockboxes, I guess.
3
SPEAKER_01
They re like security deposit boxes or something.
3
SPEAKER_01
And the guy can t open it.
3
SPEAKER_01
And the guy s like, it s cool.
3
SPEAKER_01
Just like hand me the documents.
3
SPEAKER_01
I was like, uh, I can t just hand you these like sensitive documents because they were like legal documents.
3
SPEAKER_01
And he was like, uh, okay.
3
SPEAKER_01
He was like, well, I can t give you a lockbox.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, okay, well, can I get my deposit back?
3
SPEAKER_01
And they re like, sorry.
3
SPEAKER_01
I was like, oh, okay.
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, what am I going to do?
3
SPEAKER_01
I m in Mexico, you know?
3
SPEAKER_01
Which it wasn t much.
3
SPEAKER_01
It was like, I don t know, 60 pesos or something.
3
SPEAKER_01
And then
3
SPEAKER_01
Uh, like whenever my, I got my hotel room, there was nobody else at the hotel, by the way, it was like three floors up for some reason.
3
SPEAKER_01
They put me like on the third floor and uh, they put me on the one hall that had like no lights on in the hallways.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like the lights are all out.
3
SPEAKER_01
So it made it feel extra sketchy.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, they couldn t have put me like on the first floor or something.
3
SPEAKER_01
There s no reason.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Are you, is this your full time job?
3
SPEAKER_01
No, no, no.
3
SPEAKER_01
I actually work at a grocery store.
3
SPEAKER_01
Which is a whole other thing.
3
SPEAKER_00
How come you haven t been able to monetize this?
3
SPEAKER_00
There s all there s all kinds of like professional douchebag review people who write for magazines and whatever.
3
SPEAKER_01
I think it s more about the it s not it s not and none of it s under my name.
3
SPEAKER_01
My real name.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t know how like that affects like can I run a business without it being my real name, you know, or like the legality of it.
3
SPEAKER_01
I guess that would be.
3
SPEAKER_00
I guess that s what Banksy does.
3
SPEAKER_00
He s rich.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I guess so.
3
SPEAKER_01
But I don t know, I m already like... I can t get involved with shady things because I m in the process of getting something fixed.
3
SPEAKER_01
So if I get involved in shady things then that won t come through, you know?
3
SPEAKER_00
What do you mean you re in the process of getting something fixed?
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, I m getting my citizenship and in order to get my citizenship in the US I had to
3
SPEAKER_01
go through to get my, uh, my permanent residency.
3
SPEAKER_01
But in order to get my permanent residency, I had to, like, apply for it.
3
SPEAKER_00
Are you from, are you from Mexico?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I am, you know, originally.
3
SPEAKER_00
So, um, between, between the U.S.
3
SPEAKER_00
and Mexico, as a professional judger of things, which, which place has shittier stuff?
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, man.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, that s a hard one.
3
SPEAKER_01
Part of me wants to say, obviously, Mexico, but it s more affordable there, you know?
3
SPEAKER_01
It depends, it depends.
3
SPEAKER_01
Food, Mexico obviously wins.
3
SPEAKER_01
Genuine leather items and craftsmanship items, I guess, Mexico, but more manufactured and technology items, I would say the US, probably.
3
SPEAKER_00
You know, I ve always had a great disdain for reviewers.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, man.
3
SPEAKER_00
I have.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m about to go off on you, Simon.
3
SPEAKER_00
I ve always had a great disdain for reviewers because, you know, all these movie review people, art review people, food review people, because I mean,
3
SPEAKER_00
Typically a reviewer unless if it s like somebody who was in the industry of the thing they re reviewing and Contributed to that industry for a while and then comes back with with a particular expertise I m almost kind of like well shut the fuck up.
3
SPEAKER_00
You didn t you didn t do anything.
3
SPEAKER_00
You know this but at least this person
3
SPEAKER_00
did, you know, they tried to cook something or they tried to make a movie or a hotel or at least they tried to, you know, they contributed something, you know, I mean, a review, it doesn t really contribute anything.
3
SPEAKER_01
Is this like a kind of like, well, like, for example, if if someone cleans your house, do you expect their house to be clean or do you just respect the profession that they re cleaning your house?
3
SPEAKER_00
If somebody cleans your house, do you expect their house to be... If somebody cleans my house, are you... I don t understand what you re saying.
3
SPEAKER_01
Do you expect their house, their personal home, to be clean?
3
SPEAKER_01
Because what you re saying is the person should be... No, no, no.
3
SPEAKER_00
I only care if they re able to clean my... I guess if I pay somebody to clean my house, I only care if they are able to successfully clean my house.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t care what s going on with any other aspect of their personal cleanliness.
3
SPEAKER_01
I see, I see.
3
SPEAKER_01
I guess I m like a professional online douchebag in a way, not intentionally.
4
SPEAKER_00
No, no, not all my reviews are scathingly bad though.
4
SPEAKER_01
But you know what, Simon?
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah?
4
SPEAKER_01
So am I. That s fair.
4
SPEAKER_01
So tell me about this.
4
SPEAKER_01
You said, I ve been working at a grocery store for 10 years to get confidence from not being myself.
4
SPEAKER_01
What does that mean?
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh, sometimes I ll pretend to be Simon at work.
4
SPEAKER_00
To be more confident, if that makes any sense.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
The person who I am isn t as confident.
4
SPEAKER_00
So sometimes I ll just switch persona, you know, I guess I ll, I don t know if it s like code switching or what it s called when you just like pretend to be someone else entirely.
4
SPEAKER_00
But I m like, I m the same person.
4
SPEAKER_00
Why can t I just be myself through that?
4
SPEAKER_00
You know?
4
SPEAKER_01
You know, I will say, I ll say this, Simon, I think that, uh, give- reviewing things is a way to- is- I can see why you would have more confidence, right?
4
SPEAKER_01
Because it takes a lot of confidence to write a review.
4
SPEAKER_01
To be like, um, you know, to stand up against what you believe to be the injustice of, uh, you know, this noodles and company, and the fact that their food- I have renewed a noodle place, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
So I understand why you would feel more confident as the interviewer, I mean not as the interviewer, as the reviewer than as yourself.
4
SPEAKER_01
Why do you feel unconfident as just whatever your real name is?
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t know, that s a good question.
4
SPEAKER_00
I think it s because I ve been my, let s say my real name is Alvin.
4
SPEAKER_00
I think I ve been my whole life as Alvin.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, if I ve been Alvin my whole life, you know, picking up this new mask as Simon, I don t know, it feels like, it feels new, it feels like a brand new coat of paint, you know?
4
SPEAKER_00
If that makes any sense.
4
SPEAKER_00
I know what Alvin s like, because I ve experienced Alvin my whole life.
4
SPEAKER_00
But Simon, Simon s, Simon will tell you what s wrong with you.
4
SPEAKER_00
Simon will, you know, tell you, hey, you need to fix this, or hey,
4
SPEAKER_00
This is how things are but I don t know Alvin I guess never picked up that skill so Simon has even though it s me
4
SPEAKER_01
So I get where you re coming from, and let s explore this for a second.
4
SPEAKER_01
So Simon, so Alvin is something that just kind of naturally developed.
4
SPEAKER_01
It almost feels as though you didn t pick your personality.
4
SPEAKER_01
It almost feels as though Simon is a blank slate.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s an opportunity for you to create a persona meticulously, intentionally of the kind of person that you wish to embody.
4
SPEAKER_01
Is that accurate?
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah, yeah, but why can t you?
4
SPEAKER_01
But what but then but then why can t you just treat your existing self?
4
SPEAKER_01
Why can t you just treat Alvin as that slate?
4
SPEAKER_01
Why do you have to create a new character when you can make intentional choices to change the character that you currently inhabit?
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s a good question.
4
SPEAKER_00
I ve never I ve never thought about just being myself.
4
SPEAKER_00
Not Simon.
4
SPEAKER_00
But like incorporating, you know?
4
SPEAKER_01
Why don t you add Simon and Alvin together and divide them by two?
4
SPEAKER_01
Salvin?
4
SPEAKER_01
And be that person.
4
SPEAKER_01
Salvin!
4
SPEAKER_00
That could work.
4
SPEAKER_01
I feel like I feel like I feel like you re about to enter your Salvin era.
4
SPEAKER_00
I think I think so.
4
SPEAKER_00
I think so, guys.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay, so if what changes would that would we make to Alvin to make him more Simon II I Don t know I guess Simon Simon s more direct, so I guess Alvin could start being more direct like Alvin kind of avoids questions when he s asked that work and Simon s more like gives you straight answers, you know
4
SPEAKER_00
Like earlier when I was like awaiting and whatever in the chat and someone was like, Hey, a lot of people got a call to get on.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I just told the guy, I was like, no, I m getting on.
4
SPEAKER_00
Cause I was like, that was fun and confidence, you know?
4
SPEAKER_00
But Alvin, Alvin doesn t have that.
4
SPEAKER_01
Alvin, let me ask you something.
4
SPEAKER_01
Um,
4
SPEAKER_01
This is a serious question.
4
SPEAKER_01
What do you wish to accomplish or to become that you feel as though you need more confidence to do before you get there?
4
SPEAKER_00
I guess the thing that s the main thing that that would give me the confidence is
4
SPEAKER_00
I guess I m like an action.
4
SPEAKER_01
An action?
4
SPEAKER_00
An action would be to leave my job.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh shit.
4
SPEAKER_01
What do you want to do?
4
SPEAKER_00
I guess be a writer of some sort or a reviewer of some sort.
4
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I already am, but you know,
4
SPEAKER_00
Like it s a real thing.
4
SPEAKER_01
So I don t get, so I don t get, so you re like a famous reviewer guy, right?
4
SPEAKER_01
But it s just on, on how many followers do you have?
4
SPEAKER_00
Uh, let me check.
4
SPEAKER_00
Hold on.
4
SPEAKER_00
I got it right here.
4
SPEAKER_00
It says I have 610,000 right now.
4
SPEAKER_00
610,000 on what?
4
SPEAKER_00
On what?
4
SPEAKER_00
That s just on Google.
4
SPEAKER_01
You have 610,000 followers on Google?
4
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_01
I feel like you can turn that into as much money as you would make working at a grocery store.
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t know how, though.
4
SPEAKER_01
Maybe you need to start selling t-shirts.
4
SPEAKER_01
What would I put in a reviewer t-shirt?
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t even know.
4
SPEAKER_01
Simon says you suck.
4
SPEAKER_00
Are you gonna copyright?
4
SPEAKER_00
Are you gonna sue me if I use that?
4
SPEAKER_01
No, I want you to use that.
4
SPEAKER_01
That is no use to me.
4
SPEAKER_01
It only is use to you.
4
SPEAKER_00
Alright.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay, that works.
4
SPEAKER_00
Wait, if I m doubling down on Simon and putting it on t-shirts though... I ll just put it on the front.
4
SPEAKER_00
Simon says... On the front, and then on the back I ll put it like Alvin agrees to.
4
SPEAKER_00
or something like that.
4
SPEAKER_01
I mean, nobody knows who Alvin is.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s true, you re right, you re right.
4
SPEAKER_00
It wouldn t make sense, it wouldn t make sense.
4
SPEAKER_00
You re right, you re right.
4
SPEAKER_00
Scrap who I am, I ll double down on Simon.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
Try and, look, I don t know, I feel like you can try to make some money off of this thing.
4
SPEAKER_01
If you have people who follow you and like what you do.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I think so too.
4
SPEAKER_01
Um, yeah, for sure, man.
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
4
SPEAKER_01
There s a lot of stuff you can do.
4
SPEAKER_01
You can do fucking YouTube videos.
4
SPEAKER_01
You can do affiliate marketing.
4
SPEAKER_01
Uh,
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t know, man.
4
SPEAKER_01
I mean, just give it a try.
4
SPEAKER_01
If that s what Simon would do, is leave his job to try to go full-time review guy.
4
SPEAKER_01
There s all kinds of douchey internet review guys that make a ton of money saying that things suck.
4
SPEAKER_01
Why not you?
4
SPEAKER_01
Why not you, Alvin?
4
SPEAKER_01
Why not you?
4
SPEAKER_01
That s all I m saying.
4
SPEAKER_00
Why not me?
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I ll do that.
4
SPEAKER_00
I probably won t quit my job because I m about to go back to Mexico, but soon.
4
SPEAKER_01
When you go, you should get some tostadas.
4
SPEAKER_00
Dude, no, I just get those at my house.
4
SPEAKER_00
Uh, I ll look for something that I can t make at my house and get it and get it.
4
SPEAKER_01
Alvin.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
Salvin, is there anything else you want to say to the people, the computer before we go?
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, actually.
4
SPEAKER_00
Uh, don t let where you come from define who you are.
4
SPEAKER_01
Where can I follow you on?
4
SPEAKER_01
How do I follow you?
4
SPEAKER_00
On Google?
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m not going to say it because I don t want to dox myself because I m using fake identity.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh, you can t.
4
SPEAKER_00
You can t follow me.
4
SPEAKER_01
All right.
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, your fake identity is the same, but you re not.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s not a fake.
4
SPEAKER_01
The fake identity that you re giving me right now is the same as the fake identity that you have on that account.
4
SPEAKER_01
So where s the compromisation here?
4
SPEAKER_00
Since I review a lot of local businesses around me I don t know if you ve ever seen like Dateline and stuff when they find mass murders or killers or whatever They like find out which businesses they like where they ve killed people and they like triangulate that guy s location Does that make any sense?
4
SPEAKER_01
Are you saying that you ve killed people?
4
SPEAKER_00
No, no, but I m afraid that if someone could like triangulate the businesses where I ve been and then like narrow it down to like I don t know my
5
SPEAKER_01
house or something I m not gonna sue you for the idea but if you do make a t-shirt you need to send me one I will I ll make sure you get one back hey take care Simon thank you I appreciate that guy just told us that he killed someone
5
SPEAKER_01
Hello?
5
SPEAKER_01
Hello?
5
SPEAKER_01
Hello?
5
SPEAKER_01
Who is this?
5
SPEAKER_01
Hello?
5
SPEAKER_01
Hey, what s up, man?
5
Hey.
5
SPEAKER_01
Is this Matthew?
5
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
What s going on?
5
SPEAKER_01
I m up.
5
SPEAKER_01
All right, well, is there anything else you want to say to the people at the computer before we go?
5
SPEAKER_02
Oh, I m sorry.
5
SPEAKER_02
Hi, yes, this is Matthew.
5
SPEAKER_01
Hey, what s up, Matthew?
5
SPEAKER_01
Matthew, are you... I feel like I caught you... I feel like you were talking to me in your sleep just now.
5
SPEAKER_02
I was lying down.
5
SPEAKER_02
I just saw a weird number.
5
SPEAKER_02
I m like, it s a spam.
5
SPEAKER_02
What is it?
5
SPEAKER_02
I usually don t like spam, sir.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, right, right.
5
SPEAKER_01
I ve been doing this thing where people just text my line and I ll call them back.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s just they just get a phone call from a random number.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
5
SPEAKER_00
Hi, it s the guy.
5
SPEAKER_01
Hey, Matthew30, you texted me and I called you because you said to me, I am a new railroader and the lifestyle is interesting.
5
SPEAKER_01
It is very interesting.
5
SPEAKER_01
What is a new railroader?
5
SPEAKER_01
What does that mean?
5
SPEAKER_02
So basically, last December, I went to a train school where they basically put you up and
5
SPEAKER_02
teach you how to work on the railway.
5
SPEAKER_02
And then I spent like six months in training, and then now I m out there on my own doing railway stuff.
5
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
5
SPEAKER_01
You mastered in trains?
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
Well, I guess.
5
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_01
What s it like making trains?
5
SPEAKER_02
Well, I don t make trains.
5
SPEAKER_02
I m a conductor.
5
SPEAKER_02
So what I do is I build certain trains
5
SPEAKER_02
Um, like they ll give me paperwork and tell them stuff I m going to do.
5
SPEAKER_02
It s like, it s sort of like, it s basically like a rail trucker in some cases, or like a FedEx driver on rail.
5
SPEAKER_02
It just depends what I m going to be doing that day.
5
SPEAKER_01
Can I, you know, be honest with you about how I feel about trains?
5
SPEAKER_01
Go ahead, go ahead.
5
SPEAKER_01
We have cars that can go lots of places.
5
SPEAKER_01
Why do we still use trains?
5
SPEAKER_02
Quantity.
5
SPEAKER_01
I guess there s no traffic on trains, really.
5
SPEAKER_02
You have to know, but yeah.
5
SPEAKER_02
A lot of it s quantity and a lot of it s infrastructure, because you can carry a lot more in certain areas that you just can t do with trucks.
5
SPEAKER_02
That s pretty much what it is.
5
SPEAKER_02
But side by side, they really work together.
5
SPEAKER_02
It s pretty decent, I guess.
5
SPEAKER_02
I don t know.
5
SPEAKER_02
It s a fun job.
5
SPEAKER_01
Now tell me, do people ever stow away on the trains and you have to kick them out?
5
SPEAKER_02
So I haven t caught anyone, but it is a thing that happens.
5
SPEAKER_02
There s a guy on YouTube apparently, it s a homeless dude, and all he does is just like hop on our trains and record his adventures himself.
5
SPEAKER_02
Someone sent me one of his videos a while ago.
5
SPEAKER_01
You know, eventually that guy s gonna start making big YouTube money and his train videos are gonna, he s gonna be hopping on Amtraks instead of like, you know, commercial trains.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I ll get that money.
5
SPEAKER_01
That s a double-edged sword right there, having a popular YouTube channel about being homeless.
5
SPEAKER_01
Because if the YouTube channel gets popular, you re going to start making money and you won t be homeless anymore, but people watch the videos because you were homeless.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
But you never have to worry about that, because you make trains, not YouTube videos.
5
SPEAKER_01
I can do both, but not really.
5
SPEAKER_01
And if you ever did lose your home, you could make a train and live in that.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
Matthew, have I caught you, I feel like I ve caught you in the middle of having an affair with your wife or something.
5
SPEAKER_02
You seem very, you seem like, you seem... I was lying in bed about to fall asleep, so if I sound disoriented, it s probably because I am.
5
SPEAKER_02
That s okay.
5
SPEAKER_01
Do you want me to, by the way, I m not offended at all if you would rather be asleep than talk to me.
5
SPEAKER_02
I genuinely... No, no, it s fine.
5
SPEAKER_02
So right now, I m at the part of the job, it s like, so...
5
SPEAKER_02
They basically, I took a train from one place to a certain place.
5
SPEAKER_02
So I m at the certain place in a hotel waiting for a call to be sent back home basically.
5
SPEAKER_02
So it s like, I m in like some sort of like limbo, like purgatory waiting to go home.
5
SPEAKER_02
So I m actually still up because I really don t want to fall asleep so that I m not groggy when they call me to take a train back home.
5
SPEAKER_00
Hmm.
5
SPEAKER_01
Oh wait, so you don t want to be asleep.
5
SPEAKER_02
Right now, no.
5
SPEAKER_02
I m kind of hoping they call me in the next two hours, but they can honestly call me in between.
5
SPEAKER_02
I could be here for another 24 hours or 30 hours.
5
SPEAKER_01
If they called you right now, would you have to hang up on me or would you hang up on them?
5
SPEAKER_02
They don t like it when we don t pick up the phone, so I d probably put you on hold.
5
SPEAKER_01
If you put me on hold, I would unfortunately probably end the call.
5
Oh, that s fair.
5
SPEAKER_01
Unless if you wanted to like if I how about this can we make it can we make a deal if they call you?
5
SPEAKER_01
If they call you you act you you just put them in on this call, and I promise I won t like say anything Honestly that makes me incredibly uncomfortable, so I would probably just arrest you just not calling me Yeah
5
SPEAKER_01
You know what?
5
SPEAKER_01
That s what I would do, too, if I were you and I asked you that.
5
SPEAKER_01
What kind of snacks do they have on these trains that you re making?
5
SPEAKER_01
Do they have a snack cart?
5
SPEAKER_02
Nothing.
5
SPEAKER_02
Whatever we bring.
5
SPEAKER_02
They have the vending machines and the little offices we go to to get our paperwork and stuff.
5
SPEAKER_02
I brought a bag of soups and protein bars
5
SPEAKER_01
trail mix and sandwich and rice and tuna that s really lame the one thing that america does wrong that uh australia and europe does very well is the snack carts on trains
5
SPEAKER_01
You know?
5
SPEAKER_01
America, if you re listening, you need to get a good snack cart installed in a train so that this guy can, you know, have a nice hot bacon, egg, and cheese instead of his tuna sandwich from home.
5
SPEAKER_02
You know what s funny?
5
SPEAKER_02
I gotta hang out now because they re calling me.
5
SPEAKER_01
Oh, shit.
5
SPEAKER_01
Well, good talking to you, man.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, thanks for calling.
5
SPEAKER_02
Bye.
5
SPEAKER_01
Later.
5
SPEAKER_01
I hope he gets a promotion to airplanes.
5
SPEAKER_00
But he s not really an expert.