0
SPEAKER_01
Welcome to LA, have a nice robbery.
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SPEAKER_00
Where everyone knows your name.
0
SPEAKER_00
Should I be eating?
0
SPEAKER_00
Yes!
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay, what else we got going?
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay, welcome to episode whatever of Superfly.
0
SPEAKER_00
We have a terrific, terrific show planned for you.
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SPEAKER_00
I almost was a talk show host.
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SPEAKER_00
They offered me it a few times, so I just feel like I can do a little bit of what I would.
0
SPEAKER_00
We have a tremendous show planned for you today.
0
SPEAKER_01
There s a lot of older words that those old hosts used to say, like fantastic, terrific.
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SPEAKER_01
I do like those words.
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SPEAKER_01
They re just not out there as much as they used to be.
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SPEAKER_00
Hmm.
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SPEAKER_01
I know a terrific act we got on tonight.
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SPEAKER_01
Really fantastic.
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SPEAKER_00
Well, Arnold Arnold took fantastic and made it his his word.
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SPEAKER_00
Oh, fantastic.
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SPEAKER_00
Let s do it together.
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SPEAKER_00
Fantastic.
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SPEAKER_00
He goes from well, the English Oxford Dictionary, we say the pronunciation is fantastic.
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SPEAKER_00
Years later, Bavarian muscle builder Arnold Sorkin said, Fantastic.
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SPEAKER_00
It s in here.
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SPEAKER_00
Fantastic.
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SPEAKER_00
Fantastic.
0
SPEAKER_01
Watch this, I m gonna do a thumbnail, Dana.
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SPEAKER_01
This is when they do the YouTube and it s like, you click on it and it s so outrageous.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah, because it s like crazy.
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SPEAKER_01
This is my thumbnail.
0
SPEAKER_01
David Spade, David Spade says something outrageous today and I m like this.
0
SPEAKER_01
Now do yours.
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SPEAKER_00
Dana Carvey finds pot of gold in backyard.
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SPEAKER_01
Now what s your funny face?
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SPEAKER_01
I d be like this.
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SPEAKER_01
That s no one s clicking on yours.
0
SPEAKER_01
You gotta be like this.
0
SPEAKER_00
Dana discovers, discovers who, who discovered the first duck duck face.
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SPEAKER_00
I m kind of punching duck face.
0
SPEAKER_00
Don t make fun of women of a certain age.
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SPEAKER_01
You click on this one.
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SPEAKER_00
How about this?
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SPEAKER_00
Dana Carvey, Dana Carvey schools, David Spade.
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SPEAKER_00
No, it s gotta be like,
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SPEAKER_00
Oh, I see.
0
SPEAKER_00
You re not clicking on mellow things.
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SPEAKER_00
You got to click on crazy photos.
0
SPEAKER_00
Dana Carvey challenges Mike Tyson to a fight.
0
SPEAKER_01
This is a good one.
0
SPEAKER_01
OK, so this weekend I did the Venetian with Nikki Glaser.
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SPEAKER_01
We had a blast.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
She s all the she s hot.
0
SPEAKER_00
She s she s like water.
0
SPEAKER_00
She s everywhere.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, she s doing a lot and she was a lot of fun.
0
SPEAKER_01
We laughed our asses off.
0
SPEAKER_01
She s always a good laugher.
0
SPEAKER_01
A good comedian to hang out with is one that s a good laugher.
0
SPEAKER_01
They don t be tight on their own jokes and laugh at their own stuff.
0
SPEAKER_01
They laugh at other things.
0
SPEAKER_01
She does that.
0
SPEAKER_01
We went to the pool the next day.
0
SPEAKER_01
Now it wasn t boiling yet, but some, they call up, they re always like, we got a great deal for you if you want to go to the pool, 11 grand.
0
SPEAKER_01
You get free fruit plate, you know, it s always like some scam.
0
SPEAKER_01
So it s not 11 grand, but there are, Heather, there s probably cabanas in the pool for 10, 20,000, right?
0
SPEAKER_01
And if you re at Encore Beach Club, yeah, I m not at the Holiday Inn in 1966, like, pulling up a, you know, with the plastic on it, laying on it.
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SPEAKER_00
I m not at Howard Johnson s in 1968.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
My effects don t even relate to the story.
0
SPEAKER_01
So I m there, a juicy cabana, and then they go, ooh, it comes with a fruit plate.
0
SPEAKER_01
That s all I cared about.
0
SPEAKER_01
I will tell you this.
0
SPEAKER_01
I can t even tell you, it s too embarrassing.
0
SPEAKER_01
But I will tell you, they charge you a food stipend and then it s minimum what you can get, so you might as well order.
0
SPEAKER_01
because you re paying, they could sort of split it from here s how much the cabana is, here s how much food is.
0
SPEAKER_01
And you re never going to spend that much.
0
SPEAKER_01
And the guy goes, don t be surprised.
0
SPEAKER_01
It adds up quickly.
0
SPEAKER_01
I go, I know it does when it s $84 or some corn nuts.
0
SPEAKER_00
So I say, where s there s a beverage charge.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, there s everything.
0
SPEAKER_00
So I go, there s all of the added on charges.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like, here s what I get mad about.
0
SPEAKER_01
All I want is this crummy-ass fruit plate.
0
SPEAKER_01
And it s not even that big.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s like, you know, this isn t enough, but it s this big because it fits in this picture.
0
SPEAKER_01
Let s say, and there s an assortment.
0
SPEAKER_01
Guess what it is?
0
SPEAKER_01
Here s the percentiles.
0
SPEAKER_01
That crummy-ass fucking honeydew green melon is 40%.
0
SPEAKER_01
22% is regular cantaloupe I like, right?
0
SPEAKER_01
And then they go real heavy on the dragon fruit, which I didn t know was from Game of Thrones.
0
SPEAKER_01
I don t know where it s from.
0
SPEAKER_01
I don t know what it is.
0
SPEAKER_00
What is that?
0
SPEAKER_01
Dragon fruit.
0
SPEAKER_01
Greg might be able to pull up a picture.
0
SPEAKER_00
Never heard of it.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s fucking, I don t know if it s any good.
0
SPEAKER_01
I was scared of it and no one eats it.
0
SPEAKER_01
That s the big problem.
0
SPEAKER_01
No one s demanding, where s more dragon fruit?
0
SPEAKER_01
They re like, no, give me things I ve heard of.
0
SPEAKER_01
Grapes I ll take, the basics, but they really jacked me, dude.
0
SPEAKER_00
I m still mad about- No human being, oh, here it is.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh, here s some.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_00
Get that one split open.
0
SPEAKER_01
Look in the middle.
0
SPEAKER_00
It looks like a pomegranate.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it s a pomegranate.
0
SPEAKER_01
It doesn t look tasty.
0
SPEAKER_01
Pomegranate.
0
SPEAKER_01
It looks like frozen yogurt with sea, you know, I m out.
0
SPEAKER_00
It looks like a 7th grade school project of like an anthill.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, don t try to fuck me with dragon fruit.
0
SPEAKER_01
That s all.
0
SPEAKER_01
OK, that s all.
0
SPEAKER_00
That s why I would anyone who s headlining last day.
0
SPEAKER_00
So you got to do 90 minutes on the toes to 2000 people that night.
0
SPEAKER_00
You re hanging out in a cabana eating fruit all day.
0
SPEAKER_00
Shouldn t you be napping and looking at your notes, napping and noting?
0
SPEAKER_01
No, I don t do that.
0
SPEAKER_01
I know my act by now.
0
SPEAKER_01
And when Nikki, I don t do a full hour.
0
SPEAKER_01
She does 40.
0
SPEAKER_01
I do 45.
0
SPEAKER_01
So it s it s easier.
0
SPEAKER_01
We had great crowds.
0
SPEAKER_01
It was really.
0
SPEAKER_01
Great, we did have a good time, but we ll get into the subjects there.
0
SPEAKER_01
We gotta get into the headlines.
0
SPEAKER_01
We got a lot to do.
0
SPEAKER_01
Let s start with one thing you were talking about recently, which was student loans, and there s some forgiveness going on.
0
SPEAKER_01
I saw that on two different channels, so it must be real.
0
SPEAKER_01
I have mixed feelings about it.
0
SPEAKER_01
Actually, explain it to me a little bit, because I don t quite know exactly what it is.
0
SPEAKER_00
Well, years ago, I m not even sure when it started, but the federal government decided to guarantee loans to loan people, to kids, young people to go to college.
0
SPEAKER_01
I got one.
0
SPEAKER_00
And so that s how it started.
0
SPEAKER_00
And then, and then the Harvard people and all the other people said, Hmm, I think we could raise, I think we could raise our tuitions a little bit since it s a loan, you know?
0
SPEAKER_00
So it escalated the whole thing.
0
SPEAKER_00
So then it s like 50, 70,000 a year.
0
SPEAKER_00
And you re taking out these loans.
0
SPEAKER_00
Uh, you re supposed to pay them back to the government, but maybe you have 300,000 in loans and you have just a bachelor arts degree in civics.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, do they give you that much?
0
SPEAKER_01
Mine was community college, so it was $20,000, I think.
0
SPEAKER_00
Well, yeah, there s been inflation and also, you know, crazy baby boomer parents, you know, with the whole Lori Loughlin issue.
0
SPEAKER_00
And I didn t blame her at all.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, they want big colleges.
0
SPEAKER_00
For sure.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, if you get your kid in a certain college, his life is perfect forever.
0
SPEAKER_00
And it was just enabling baby boomer parents gone wild.
0
SPEAKER_00
But now Biden has, it s billions of student loans that he s forgiven through a federal order.
0
SPEAKER_00
Although the Supreme Court said it was stepping outside the lines, but he s found a way to do it.
0
SPEAKER_00
And he just did some yesterday.
0
SPEAKER_00
I don t know how it was at 1.7 billion forgiven.
0
SPEAKER_01
7.7 billion I saw on TV yesterday on Channel 5, local news.
0
SPEAKER_01
But it said, but I think there s been some in the past.
0
SPEAKER_01
So that means the people, is it everybody that has one or just a certain amount?
0
SPEAKER_01
Because I paid back my 3,000, it took me forever.
0
SPEAKER_00
I had 2,500.
0
SPEAKER_00
I know, well, college was cheap then, but you were at a community college.
0
SPEAKER_00
I was at San Francisco State, which was like that.
0
SPEAKER_01
I paid mine with corn, it was cheap back then.
0
SPEAKER_00
Here s the tricky part.
0
SPEAKER_00
There s some man or woman somewhere last week going, well, mom and dad, I want to announce to you that all by myself, I m now 48 years of age, but I ve paid off all my student loans.
0
SPEAKER_00
Whoo.
0
SPEAKER_00
It was tough.
0
SPEAKER_00
And I worked triple time, but I paid him back because I borrowed him and promised to pay him back next day.
0
SPEAKER_00
Just as online.
0
SPEAKER_00
What the fuck?
0
SPEAKER_00
They don t have to pay theirs back.
0
SPEAKER_00
And I just paid my back.
0
SPEAKER_00
That s the tricky part.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I guess it is.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s unfair to someone.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s unfair to half the crowd that paid him off or that said, I can t go to college because I have to work.
0
SPEAKER_01
I can t afford it and I can t take a loan out and I can t afford to pay it back.
0
SPEAKER_01
I get it.
0
SPEAKER_01
So I see I see both sides.
0
SPEAKER_00
I see.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it s a tricky issue.
0
SPEAKER_00
You know, some cynics, a cynical person might think that Biden is doing that to buy votes.
0
SPEAKER_00
And that s insane.
0
SPEAKER_00
But, uh, yeah, I got to get off to pay the votes.
0
SPEAKER_00
I got to pay it back.
1
SPEAKER_01
He just showed up.
1
SPEAKER_05
He just showed up.
1
SPEAKER_01
I couldn t stop him.
1
SPEAKER_05
He was in the waiting room on Zoom.
1
SPEAKER_05
I let him in.
1
SPEAKER_05
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_01
Sir, should you really be forgiving 7.
1
SPEAKER_01
... Are you sure you want to do this with a loan?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
I ve forgiven more loans than I ve ever given to a loan shark.
1
SPEAKER_02
A shark, a loan, a shark tank, a shark tank, a tank, a tank, a tinker toys, tinker toys.
1
SPEAKER_02
I can t believe it s not butter.
1
SPEAKER_02
We got the meat.
1
SPEAKER_05
We got the meat.
1
SPEAKER_05
We got the meat?
1
SPEAKER_01
We got the meat from Arby s.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, we got the meat, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
We got the meat.
1
SPEAKER_01
But anyway, that s a tricky thing, and I have mixed feelings about it.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m happy for the people.
1
SPEAKER_05
I didn t understand when they were saying, when they were mad at Harvard, mad at these places recently,
1
SPEAKER_05
that there s people that people are saying, I m going to pull my donations.
1
SPEAKER_05
I donated $10 million to this place.
1
SPEAKER_05
I didn t know they are stockpiling billions.
1
SPEAKER_05
I didn t know it was that high.
1
SPEAKER_05
I thought that 10 million really meant something.
1
SPEAKER_05
You re going to name a building.
1
SPEAKER_05
And I go, Oh, they said, well, Harvard has 26 billion.
1
SPEAKER_05
I m like,
1
SPEAKER_05
Huh?
1
SPEAKER_01
Last I check, it s over 40 billion.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, they have very, very clever people.
1
SPEAKER_01
The Harvard model, it s timber, it s shopping malls.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s it s this brilliant model.
1
SPEAKER_01
And these the students kept paying more.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then and then, you know, the gym teacher is getting two million a year and everyone got rich and the school got rich.
1
SPEAKER_01
But I think they have 40 billion in the bank.
1
SPEAKER_01
You think that maybe they should guarantee the loans?
1
SPEAKER_01
rather than the taxpayers.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, just come to Harvard.
1
SPEAKER_03
If you can t pay a loan back, we re going to pay it for you.
1
SPEAKER_05
Yeah, if they have that much money, that s their bar tab.
1
SPEAKER_05
Don t worry about it.
1
SPEAKER_05
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_05
Take a billion off.
1
SPEAKER_05
They won t even notice it.
1
SPEAKER_01
Take a billion off.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Bernie, of course, said,
1
SPEAKER_01
No one should ever have to pay for college.
1
SPEAKER_01
All colleges should be free.
1
SPEAKER_01
Don t proceed.
1
SPEAKER_01
Don t.
1
SPEAKER_01
If you want to do Bernie Sanders for your friends at home, just say the word don t proceed with a lot and keep your abs on when you do it.
1
SPEAKER_01
Don t proceed.
1
SPEAKER_01
Proceed.
1
SPEAKER_05
That s the home kit.
1
SPEAKER_05
I love it.
1
SPEAKER_01
Hey, David, can I ask you a question?
1
SPEAKER_01
Go right ahead.
1
SPEAKER_01
Why do you want to learn a new language?
1
SPEAKER_01
Where would you use it and how would it come in handy?
1
SPEAKER_05
Well, I think I have to eventually go to France or go to one of these places and be a world traveler, get a crowbar on my wall and spend some money.
1
SPEAKER_05
But I m a little nervous about going without knowing a language and that s where Rosetta Stone would come in in that scenario because
1
SPEAKER_05
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_05
That s probably the best way to get in there, learn something, get the basics, and more than the basics if you want, but this is the place for sure.
1
SPEAKER_01
Rosetta Stone is the most trusted language learning program available on desktop or as an app.
1
SPEAKER_05
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
And it immerses you.
1
SPEAKER_01
You know that word, David?
1
SPEAKER_01
Immerses you.
1
SPEAKER_01
I ve heard of it.
1
SPEAKER_05
In the language you want to learn.
1
SPEAKER_05
So it s not just like, hey, here s language, repeat after me.
1
SPEAKER_05
It s like, it makes you think in the language.
1
SPEAKER_05
It makes you talk in it.
1
SPEAKER_05
It gives you the actual vocal dialect.
1
SPEAKER_05
So you don t, you know, sound like a stiff guy.
1
SPEAKER_01
Speech recognition, built-in true accent feature.
1
SPEAKER_01
Pronounce-iate the words.
1
SPEAKER_01
Pronounce-iate.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s like having a personal trainer for your accent.
1
SPEAKER_05
By the way, 25 languages, so you got your Spanish s, you got your French s, you got your Italian s.
1
SPEAKER_05
I mean, all over the globe, it doesn t stop there.
1
SPEAKER_01
No, no, you will never go to a country where Rosetta Stone- You re not gonna trip them up, no, no.
1
SPEAKER_01
Nope, nope, nope, that s lifetime access to 25 language courses Rosetta Stone offers for,
1
SPEAKER_01
50% off, that s a steal, I m gonna say it.
1
SPEAKER_05
That is crazy, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_05
Don t put off learning that language.
1
SPEAKER_05
There s no better time than right now to get started.
1
SPEAKER_05
For a very limited time, Superfly listeners can get Rosetta Stone s lifetime membership for that 50% off.
1
SPEAKER_05
Visit rosettastone.com.
1
SPEAKER_05
That s 50% off unlimited accent to 25 language courses for the rest of your life.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I m just going to say it.
1
SPEAKER_01
Redeem your 50% off at rosettastone.com slash superfly today.
1
SPEAKER_05
Wait, did you hear Terrence Howard on Joe Rogan?
1
SPEAKER_05
I thought he was very interesting.
1
SPEAKER_05
Did you see any of Terrence Howard?
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, I didn t see him.
1
SPEAKER_01
He s the actor, right?
1
SPEAKER_05
Oh, he s so smart.
1
SPEAKER_05
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_05
People say he doesn t know what he s talking about.
1
SPEAKER_05
That s a cynic.
1
SPEAKER_05
Some people say he really does, because he talks a lot of science.
1
SPEAKER_05
He knows every element in the element chart.
1
SPEAKER_05
He definitely knows more.
1
SPEAKER_05
He definitely is very articulate about knowing a lot.
1
SPEAKER_05
It all goes back to Beryllium, which I m always telling everyone at dinners.
1
SPEAKER_05
And he talks about how Saturn moves and how we could make a new Saturn.
1
SPEAKER_05
It sounds so nutty, but it s definitely interesting.
1
SPEAKER_05
I wish you would have heard it.
1
SPEAKER_05
He was just going on and on.
1
SPEAKER_05
I m like, this guy.
1
SPEAKER_01
Hey man, we re here.
1
SPEAKER_01
No one knows what we re doing here.
1
SPEAKER_01
No one knows how we got here.
1
SPEAKER_01
So yeah, we could make another Saturn.
1
SPEAKER_01
Give us time.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Give us time.
1
SPEAKER_05
I ve thought about that.
1
SPEAKER_05
I thought I m going to wait till maybe I m not on tour, but I would maybe try to throw together a little Saturn and maybe just for around here in LA, just for people to look at like something to do, but not like to scale, not like exactly as big.
1
SPEAKER_05
Cause I ve heard it s like,
1
SPEAKER_05
Miles wide.
1
SPEAKER_05
So I would make like one, like a home kit.
1
SPEAKER_01
Do you know if we had no moon, we wouldn t be here?
1
SPEAKER_05
Don t scare me.
1
SPEAKER_05
Oh, we re gonna have Dr. Greer on next week.
1
SPEAKER_05
He s gonna ask you, I m gonna ask about the tides and the moon and the beryllium.
1
SPEAKER_01
UFO?
1
SPEAKER_01
Tides, the moon, the beryllium, the core of the earth.
1
SPEAKER_01
I can t wait.
1
SPEAKER_05
We have a couple interesting guests for the old Superfly.
1
SPEAKER_05
Don t try to downplay Superfly, everyone.
1
SPEAKER_05
There s fucking, it s a real think tank over here.
1
SPEAKER_01
I will never apologize for this podcast.
1
SPEAKER_05
Never, do not.
1
SPEAKER_05
It s a killer.
1
SPEAKER_05
Go to the YouTube comments, people like it.
1
SPEAKER_05
Oh, okay, I got another one ready.
1
SPEAKER_05
Oh, here s a boring story just so you can tune out.
1
SPEAKER_05
Maybe play a commercial over this or like a side screen.
1
SPEAKER_05
My buddy went in the hospital with a stomach ache and they said, oh, I thought it was appendicitis.
1
SPEAKER_05
He was in a lot of pain.
1
SPEAKER_05
Seven days though, and they said he has to get his gallbladder out.
1
SPEAKER_05
Now, aside from being totally fucking boring, the gallbladder, what does it do again?
1
SPEAKER_05
It feels like you probably need everything in your body, but they just take things.
1
SPEAKER_05
No one knows.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
You can give up a gallbladder.
1
SPEAKER_05
I will say gallbladder gets no press.
1
SPEAKER_05
It gets no attention.
1
SPEAKER_05
No one cares about it.
1
SPEAKER_05
It s not talked about.
1
SPEAKER_01
They can do it, it used to be a big whoop-de-doo, now it s arthroscopic.
1
SPEAKER_01
The incision s like a quarter of an inch, takes 10 minutes, rip, no more, and sew it up.
1
SPEAKER_04
Slurp it out?
1
SPEAKER_04
How big is it, as big as Texas, as big as Delaware?
1
SPEAKER_04
Is it little, is it big?
1
SPEAKER_04
Where is it?
1
SPEAKER_01
I don t know, it s as big as my eye, it s kind of like that.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s it?
1
SPEAKER_04
You go like this.
1
SPEAKER_04
This feels like a spit size.
1
SPEAKER_05
Yeah, it s not.
1
SPEAKER_05
And there is a lot of talk of bile, which makes me gross out.
1
SPEAKER_05
Is that what it does?
1
SPEAKER_05
It controls the bile intake.
1
SPEAKER_05
I store my bile in the kitchen.
1
SPEAKER_05
Oh, it absorbs fats.
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, Danny, like I said, hey, hey, do you really need it?
1
SPEAKER_00
Come on.
1
SPEAKER_01
Do you really need it to store bile in your liver?
1
SPEAKER_01
Come on.
1
SPEAKER_01
That sounds fucking nuts.
1
SPEAKER_05
Listen, when you see bile, the gallbladder goes like this.
1
SPEAKER_01
Don t proceed.
1
SPEAKER_01
Bile.
1
SPEAKER_01
Don t proceed.
1
SPEAKER_01
How in the hell is Bernie Sanders going on 84th?
1
SPEAKER_01
That kind of I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_05
He s got more energy than me.
1
SPEAKER_01
His wife s like, honey, here s some oatmeal.
1
SPEAKER_01
Don t proceed.
1
SPEAKER_01
Don t proceed.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m having great nuts this morning.
1
SPEAKER_01
He s the last guy eating grape nuts.
1
SPEAKER_01
Grape nuts were not delightful.
1
SPEAKER_01
They they they needed a lot of milk and a lot of soaking time or else they would just get in your teeth.
1
SPEAKER_01
I know you were.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
And a jackhammer.
1
SPEAKER_05
No, my mom tried to try to swindle me and switch it for grape nuts once it was healthy.
1
SPEAKER_05
No chance.
1
SPEAKER_05
I told her, mom, I don t want to sound like someone, you know, but don t proceed because I m not proceeding with grape nuts.
1
SPEAKER_05
It s eating rocks.
1
SPEAKER_05
It s gravel.
1
SPEAKER_05
And I didn t love it.
1
SPEAKER_05
And I went right back to count.
1
SPEAKER_01
Chocula.
1
SPEAKER_01
I like sugar smacks and corn pops.
1
SPEAKER_01
The Captain Crunch and the Count Chocula.
1
SPEAKER_05
Too much sugar for me.
1
SPEAKER_05
My healthy, when I went to Special K, which was a little fruity back when you were a kid, but Special K was supposed to be the healthy one.
1
SPEAKER_05
It still had sugar.
1
SPEAKER_05
They were all
2
SPEAKER_00
All pure garbage, let s be honest.
2
SPEAKER_01
Um, I eat special K now instead of ice cream.
2
SPEAKER_01
It has just a little bit of sweetness.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s made with rice.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s very light.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s not high in calorie.
2
SPEAKER_01
How, I mean, come on.
2
SPEAKER_01
This, this, this doesn t just happen.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, you can t, you know, this supermodel X. Oh, speaking of which, listen, they said Barkley, your buddy, Charles Barkley, who, uh, we did SNL with Charles Barkley.
2
SPEAKER_00
He said some story about Caitlin Clark.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, he ripped into the petty WNBA players saying that because they said they don t like her because she s white, straight, and pretty.
2
SPEAKER_00
And you know what?
2
SPEAKER_00
I get that a lot.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I relate it.
2
SPEAKER_00
But Charles, and then they were on The View.
2
SPEAKER_00
They were fighting about it on The View.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s terrible.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s terrible.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s terrible.
2
SPEAKER_01
Come on, man.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s Charles Barkley.
2
SPEAKER_01
Come on, man.
2
SPEAKER_01
Come on, man.
2
SPEAKER_01
I think he s great.
2
SPEAKER_01
As an announcer, besides an incredible basketball player, one of the best small, maybe the best small forward in the history of the NBA.
2
SPEAKER_01
He s only like 6 5 .
2
SPEAKER_01
He d be down there battling out with the trees.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh yeah, he likes to get into it.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, they have to remember that she s going to lift all boats in the end of the day.
2
SPEAKER_01
I actually, the WNBA is on the radar now.
2
SPEAKER_01
The ratings are going up.
2
SPEAKER_01
Caitlin has, you know, I mean, look, the three point shot is so rare and to shoot it like Steph Curry does as a woman was extraordinary to watch because she does it with such authority.
2
SPEAKER_01
I guess she works out
2
SPEAKER_01
Gets her legs really hard.
2
SPEAKER_01
And so that was a shiny object in the sports world.
2
SPEAKER_01
And now WNBA, NBA, hard to say it.
2
SPEAKER_01
They should change the title of W and then into the NBA is not working.
2
SPEAKER_01
They got to.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
Not hooky.
2
SPEAKER_01
Chicks with chick ball.
2
SPEAKER_00
Chicks with balls.
2
SPEAKER_01
I didn t want to go there, but I knew you would.
2
SPEAKER_00
I did.
2
SPEAKER_00
I ll take it right to the top.
2
SPEAKER_01
I ll take it right to the front of the line.
2
SPEAKER_01
But I don t think it s racial.
2
SPEAKER_01
I think it s just she can shoot the ball like we ve not seen a woman shoot a ball from distance like that in history.
2
SPEAKER_00
Listen, if you re all getting private jets because of it, kiss her ass.
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, that s a big deal.
2
SPEAKER_00
Who wants to go on Southwest?
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t.
2
SPEAKER_01
You know what, that s a big line in the sand when you think about the NBA and the WNBA, is that flying commercial when you re kind of famous and people know you and usually you re taller than everybody else, your whole team gets on the plane.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s just a lot of energy and attention.
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t know if you ve ever flown privately, but it s a very different experience.
2
SPEAKER_01
You just get on a private, you know, very different day.
2
SPEAKER_00
Dana, I don t know if you ve ever flown commercially, Dana.
2
SPEAKER_00
King Lear over here.
2
SPEAKER_00
King Tut.
2
SPEAKER_01
I ve flown Lear 45s.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, those are good.
2
SPEAKER_00
King Learjet.
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, also Cameron Brink, who is a very tall W. She was the second pick in the WNBA draft, if I m not mistaken.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
And she said today she wants to be in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I m thinking, of course, like,
2
SPEAKER_00
This is the no-brainer.
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, she s obviously cute.
2
SPEAKER_00
She s obviously in the WNBA.
2
SPEAKER_00
She could do it.
2
SPEAKER_00
I think the last cover was Gayle King.
2
SPEAKER_00
Absolutely.
2
SPEAKER_00
By the way, the swimsuit issue is a bit all over the place.
2
SPEAKER_00
I ll just say that.
2
SPEAKER_00
So it s not just like the typical, what you d think was a model 10 years ago.
2
SPEAKER_00
They re all over.
2
SPEAKER_00
And this one is actually like a model.
2
SPEAKER_00
And 6 4   is interesting.
2
SPEAKER_00
Throw her in there.
2
SPEAKER_01
6 4 is interesting.
2
SPEAKER_01
Would a stepladder be good enough for an actual ladder?
2
SPEAKER_01
Athletes, men and women athletes, and they ve done sports illustrated things of them kind of naked from the side.
2
SPEAKER_01
They just have a different kind of body.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, the body issue.
2
SPEAKER_01
Than regular people.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s very intense.
2
SPEAKER_01
But I do think in the modern digital age, you have to stir your brain, you have to do everything.
2
SPEAKER_01
All this stuff brings money.
2
SPEAKER_01
You know, the line between athlete and celebrity, you want to get endorsements, get your name out there, get your likes.
2
SPEAKER_01
And social media is driving half or two thirds of the country into a deep depression.
2
SPEAKER_01
But man, is it powerful if you get into the end of the.
2
SPEAKER_01
This is the do you think this is heavy?
2
SPEAKER_00
This is heavy, Dana.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, I m ready for it.
2
SPEAKER_00
If do you think that I started crying because if I if you start crying, I m going to pull back on this question.
2
SPEAKER_00
that social media obviously has blown up, but the last 10 years, it s turned into, is that, do you think, the combination of COVID and that is more work from home because people feel like they re really, really missing out?
2
SPEAKER_00
They used to feel like they re missing out, but not this bad.
2
SPEAKER_01
No, and then they got a taste of what I call an asymmetrical life with COVID and work from home and going to the pool and working maybe four days a week and less, more life.
2
SPEAKER_01
And on social media, you do just kind of think that everyone s on a yacht off the coast of Italy.
2
SPEAKER_01
And having this magic life is throwing your face.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I got a couple of dollars in my pocket and I feel like a peon.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s like, what are they doing?
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, so I do think it makes people question all this.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I think and I think the baby boomers, you know, I ll get pop quiz.
2
SPEAKER_01
What what was voted the best year to be born in the history of mankind and location?
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh.
2
SPEAKER_00
Is location America or is that one of the possibilities?
2
SPEAKER_00
America.
2
SPEAKER_00
America.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_00
America, I would say 19, to be born 1953.
2
SPEAKER_00
Actually, 1949.
2
SPEAKER_01
Really?
2
SPEAKER_01
As long as you were lucky enough to get out of Vietnam, that d be, you know, the tragic hiccup.
2
SPEAKER_01
But I have a brother born in 49.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, he nailed it.
2
SPEAKER_01
And you just had more of an innocent time.
2
SPEAKER_01
The Beatles came on.
2
SPEAKER_01
You went to college.
2
SPEAKER_01
It was inexpensive.
2
SPEAKER_01
You could rent something near Central Park for $400.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then you get to later in life, a lot of boomers are retiring now and they, you know,
2
SPEAKER_00
They need a lot of money, you know, because you could be John Lennon s roommate at the Dakota for $250 a month.
2
SPEAKER_01
You could buy Jimi Hendrix guitar for $39.
2
SPEAKER_01
But what was your first rent?
2
SPEAKER_01
First place you lived in?
2
SPEAKER_01
How much?
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, some fleabag place in Arizona in Scottsdale.
2
SPEAKER_00
When I got out of my mom s, we lived four of us in a two bedroom.
2
SPEAKER_00
That was 400 and we couldn t make that happen.
2
SPEAKER_00
Then when I got out, I think I stayed with my dad.
2
SPEAKER_00
My DBD, deadbeat dad, came back and said, I ll split a place with you.
2
SPEAKER_00
And if there s a tie on the door, don t come in the bedroom.
2
SPEAKER_00
Sir, what does that mean?
2
SPEAKER_00
He s like, do the math.
2
SPEAKER_00
And so I split a one bedroom with two single beds and that was probably for Hunsky.
2
SPEAKER_00
And he goes, I ll split it with you.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I go, aren t I your kid?
2
SPEAKER_00
Have you never paid child support?
2
SPEAKER_00
How about you take this one?
2
SPEAKER_00
How about you take this one off my shoulders?
2
SPEAKER_01
You guys are going out hitting on women together.
2
SPEAKER_01
Is that kind of father-son dynamic?
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, what was I, 19, 20?
2
SPEAKER_00
I was trying to scrounge into some stand-up clubs.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I didn t have women on the brain as much.
2
SPEAKER_00
It was just trying to go do sets and he had it on the brain.
2
SPEAKER_00
And he was doing great on that.
2
SPEAKER_01
The apple doesn t fall too far from the tree.
2
SPEAKER_00
No, I didn t like it.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t like it.
2
SPEAKER_01
So I read fifty eight dollars a month.
2
SPEAKER_00
No chance under one hundred.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, my God.
2
SPEAKER_01
Where near the airport near San Francisco Airport on a frontage road.
2
SPEAKER_01
We ate 25 cent tuna pies from Safeway.
2
SPEAKER_01
My brother did the day shift at a bar and stole potatoes.
2
SPEAKER_01
And yeah, we were poor.
2
SPEAKER_01
We didn t have a silver spoon.
2
SPEAKER_00
We lived on runway 18.
2
SPEAKER_01
But go to the younger generation now, 18 to 34, they can t buy a house.
2
SPEAKER_01
No one s having kids.
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, America is not at replacement rate at this current moment, 1.7 per
2
SPEAKER_01
woman is not replacement, right?
2
SPEAKER_01
The world s population is shrinking and will be 3 billion less by the end of the century.
2
SPEAKER_01
Good night.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s why they open the border.
2
SPEAKER_00
They go, we need another 10 mil quickly, and they re like, got it, done.
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, that s the thing.
2
SPEAKER_00
We need, you know,
2
SPEAKER_01
good, good, uh, immigration people coming in here and want to be Americans and want to help and get jobs.
2
SPEAKER_01
And we need a lot of people to come in here because, or we re going to have to have AI do the work for us and be our housemaids and everything.
3
SPEAKER_03
Robot AI is coming.
3
SPEAKER_03
You didn t think about that, did you?
3
SPEAKER_01
No, because I can t.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t think AI is going to do any heavy lifting.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s more like, we recommend this.
3
SPEAKER_01
We solve problems, but they re not out there working on my car.
3
SPEAKER_01
You go, yeah, they are.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s funny you said that, because they are right now.
3
SPEAKER_03
They are right now.
3
SPEAKER_03
They re in factories.
3
SPEAKER_03
And one robot went rogue and choked a guy.
3
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, they re giant walking robots in car car manufacturing.
3
SPEAKER_03
And they are doing all the work, taking all the jobs.
3
SPEAKER_01
Have you seen the ones in L.A.
3
SPEAKER_01
that are like little look like little ice cream carts?
3
SPEAKER_01
And they go down the sidewalk and they have big eyes, big eyes and they go.
3
SPEAKER_01
And then when they get to you, they slow down.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t know if someone s doing it.
3
SPEAKER_01
remotely, they can see them through a camera, but they do slow down, they go to a light, they slow down, and I pull them aside, I go, don t you try to fucking take over, tell your buddies, we will annihilate you guys.
3
SPEAKER_01
And he s like, what a joke, we ve already won, dude.
3
SPEAKER_01
What a joke, though.
3
SPEAKER_03
That was his, he didn t even have the robot voice.
3
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
They are the funniest thing.
3
SPEAKER_03
I don t know if people have them across the country, but in LA, there s just these little carts.
3
SPEAKER_03
by themselves, stopping and stoplights delivering what I ve ever used one.
3
SPEAKER_01
I think that s like an that s like an Uber Eats kind of thing, isn t it, Heather?
3
SPEAKER_01
They they deliver food.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_03
Oh, they deliver food.
3
SPEAKER_01
They have a name you re supposed to name.
3
SPEAKER_01
You re like, hey.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
Hey, Roger.
3
SPEAKER_01
Boo.
3
SPEAKER_01
I say, you re my enemy.
3
SPEAKER_01
When they go by, I go, you re my enemy.
3
SPEAKER_01
They go, we re the beginning of the end.
3
SPEAKER_03
I was trying to get you.
3
SPEAKER_02
You ve ordered a hoagie.
3
SPEAKER_02
I m outside your place.
3
SPEAKER_02
Come get your sandwich.
3
SPEAKER_01
Please open it up.
3
SPEAKER_01
I ve seen they ve they re also all getting robbed, of course, in L.A.
3
SPEAKER_01
because there s so many so much crime.
3
SPEAKER_01
So they go, this is my first day on the robot job.
3
SPEAKER_01
Please open it and take off.
3
SPEAKER_02
Oh, why would you kick me?
3
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_03
Homeless guy with a sledgehammer.
3
SPEAKER_02
Hello.
3
SPEAKER_02
My my name is I am Bobby.
3
SPEAKER_02
I bring sandwiches.
3
SPEAKER_02
Not anymore.
3
SPEAKER_03
Beat the shit out of them.
3
SPEAKER_03
People are mean.
3
SPEAKER_01
Sledgehammer, steel food.
3
SPEAKER_03
Just flatten it.
3
SPEAKER_01
Welcome to L.A.
3
SPEAKER_01
Welcome to L.A.
3
SPEAKER_01
Have a nice robbery.
3
SPEAKER_03
Where everyone knows your name.
3
SPEAKER_02
Should I be eating?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay, what else I got for you?
3
SPEAKER_01
Let s play a couple of these things.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
I just have some stupid things on Instagram or whatever.
3
SPEAKER_01
We ll see if it s fine.
3
SPEAKER_03
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_03
And then I ve got a Trump Haley thing.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
At the first ever grill for a dog.
3
SPEAKER_00
These are the grills we made and he s excited about wearing them.
3
SPEAKER_00
I can tell.
3
SPEAKER_00
So the dog s name is Fox and he has a little bit of an underbite.
3
SPEAKER_00
He was never really shy about it, but now he could really flex it.
3
SPEAKER_00
He s got, this is why people hate America in gold.
3
SPEAKER_01
Why the world hates us.
3
SPEAKER_01
Why on God s good earth are we making a dog grill?
3
SPEAKER_01
How much extra money do you have?
3
SPEAKER_03
A dog with a solid gold grill on its lower teeth, right?
3
SPEAKER_03
Is that just for the people listening?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, for the people at home, doggy grill is solid gold bite for the dog on the bottom teeth.
3
SPEAKER_01
The dog s like, I get enough puss.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t need, what am I doing with a grill?
3
SPEAKER_01
It doesn t help me, I m not a rapper.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m not cool, I don t care about anything, but this hurts the way I eat.
3
SPEAKER_01
It is easy to humanize a dog.
3
SPEAKER_03
and to take every, to really, really apply a human being to a dog.
3
SPEAKER_03
So he actually must ve thought, you know, yeah, come on, fella.
3
SPEAKER_03
Sparky want a grill?
3
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_03
And the dog went.
3
SPEAKER_03
I mean, people go crazy about dogs.
3
SPEAKER_01
So you do want a grill.
3
SPEAKER_01
You do want a grill.
3
SPEAKER_01
You just wagged your tail.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, dogs are great.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t think I ll put a grill on them.
3
SPEAKER_01
Now, before you play this next one, just freeze frame it and then I ll say what it is.
3
SPEAKER_01
I had a hamster that got braces.
3
SPEAKER_03
Go ahead.
3
SPEAKER_03
All right.
3
SPEAKER_01
All right.
3
SPEAKER_01
I had a I had a gerbil that got hair plugs.
3
SPEAKER_03
I had a muskrat that had that had contacts.
3
SPEAKER_03
Glasses didn t work.
3
SPEAKER_03
Muskrat.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, different color to look cool.
3
SPEAKER_01
I had a snake that had headgear because it had crooked teeth.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay, let me see.
3
SPEAKER_01
Let me see if this is... I don t even remember this one.
3
SPEAKER_01
It says, wait for the girl.
3
SPEAKER_01
Wait for the girl.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, okay.
3
SPEAKER_01
This is breaking eggs on kids as a joke, and I hate it.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s child abuse.
3
SPEAKER_01
Hey, what the fuck?
3
SPEAKER_01
That wasn t very nice.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it wasn t very nice.
3
SPEAKER_01
That wasn t very nice.
3
SPEAKER_01
And the parents laugh.
3
SPEAKER_01
I can t stand this.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s a trend.
3
SPEAKER_01
Look at the betrayal!
3
SPEAKER_01
The betrayal.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh!
3
SPEAKER_01
Fought back.
3
SPEAKER_01
Look at the faces, they can t... It s so fucking rude.
3
SPEAKER_02
This is crazy.
3
SPEAKER_01
No one can believe it.
3
SPEAKER_01
Look at that look.
3
SPEAKER_01
Look at that look.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
This kid s like, what s going on?
3
SPEAKER_01
You got fucking nailed.
3
SPEAKER_01
He thinks it s funny.
3
SPEAKER_01
Wow, that is... Whoa!
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, I gotta... Oh, this poor kid.
3
SPEAKER_01
It never ends.
3
SPEAKER_01
That first one needs to go to a chiropractor.
3
SPEAKER_01
She like snaps her head back going, Mom, I trusted you.
3
SPEAKER_01
Why can t I stand watching that?
3
SPEAKER_03
Ah, it s just cute child abuse on camera.
3
SPEAKER_02
My dad wants fame.
3
SPEAKER_01
Hashtag cute child abuse.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_03
My dad wants my sister, she s probably five and she didn t like her oatmeal and she was crying.
3
SPEAKER_03
So my dad took the steaming bowl of hot oatmeal and just put it on her head and it just drenched her all the way down.
3
SPEAKER_03
But they didn t have iPhones then.
3
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_03
My dad would get up, he put an inch of oil in a pan and start to make pancakes.
3
SPEAKER_03
And the first batch out was just,
3
SPEAKER_03
just caked and oiled, and he called them Krispies.
3
SPEAKER_03
And he decided that I like Krispies.
3
SPEAKER_03
Who wants a Krispie?
3
SPEAKER_03
Oh, Jesus Christ.
3
SPEAKER_03
He wants a Krispie.
3
SPEAKER_03
So it was a stack of Krispies and add carol syrup because he couldn t afford maple syrup.
3
SPEAKER_03
And then I ate it and then I went and I threw up.
3
SPEAKER_03
But no one got that on iPhones, but I m not bitter.
3
SPEAKER_03
I wonder, are those all legit?
3
SPEAKER_01
I think they are because the kids are like,
3
SPEAKER_01
It s hard to tell your kid.
3
SPEAKER_01
They do say, we re going to do a little bit for TikTok.
3
SPEAKER_01
And the kid s like, oh, what s this?
3
SPEAKER_01
We re going to make eggs?
3
SPEAKER_01
Deej.
3
SPEAKER_01
What?
3
SPEAKER_01
Like your parents doing this to you and you realize, oh, I m the butt of this stupid goddamn trend, like make me look like an asshole.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t like when they make their dogs look stupid.
3
SPEAKER_03
And the parents think it s hilarious.
3
SPEAKER_03
But two of them threw the batter in the parent s face.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_03
Took the batter and splashed the parent.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s like a disciplined problem.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s a problem.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, you re going to do that to your mom?
3
SPEAKER_01
Not in my house.
3
SPEAKER_03
After she cracked an egg on your head?
3
SPEAKER_03
Then you retaliate with egg batter?
3
SPEAKER_03
Hmm.
3
SPEAKER_03
You know what?
3
SPEAKER_03
People have too much free time on their hands.
3
SPEAKER_03
Get the camera.
3
SPEAKER_01
My dad would stop by and then go, I do something wrong.
3
SPEAKER_01
And he goes, extra humiliation.
3
SPEAKER_01
Not only spank me, but go, go get the belt.
3
SPEAKER_01
Don t make me part of it.
3
SPEAKER_01
I have to go get it.
3
SPEAKER_01
So I go pick the easiest belt.
3
SPEAKER_01
He s like, not that one.
3
SPEAKER_01
You know which one?
3
SPEAKER_01
I m like, God dang it.
3
SPEAKER_01
I gotta, I gotta go get the thing he s going to whip me with.
3
SPEAKER_03
God, your dad and my dad should have hung out because we always had to go get the belt.
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, it s the old, it s the old days, the old days.
3
SPEAKER_03
The old days.
3
SPEAKER_01
He goes, Dana, not that one.
3
SPEAKER_01
The belt with the spikes on it.
3
SPEAKER_01
And you re like, oh.
3
SPEAKER_03
Well, he would snap it, which would scare you.
3
SPEAKER_03
And then you had to grab your ankles while everyone else, you d ask all your siblings, how many?
3
SPEAKER_03
And then they took a vote.
3
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_03
How many?
3
SPEAKER_03
How many?
3
SPEAKER_03
I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_03
Everyone was kind of sheepish.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I d say I know how much you should give my brother.
3
SPEAKER_01
I ll just do it on one hand.
3
SPEAKER_01
Bob, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30.
3
SPEAKER_03
I ll I ll just say for myself, I was just incredibly well behaved and didn t want conflict and didn t want to challenge my parents in any way.
3
SPEAKER_03
You know, so to get a beating for nothing was kind of a frustrating.
3
SPEAKER_03
I mean, you were a rabble rouser.
3
SPEAKER_03
You re like the James Dean of five year olds.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I d walk around smoking five years old.
3
SPEAKER_01
What s going on here?
3
SPEAKER_01
I d start some shit.
3
SPEAKER_01
All right.
3
SPEAKER_01
Let s show any more videos.
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, let me see one.
3
SPEAKER_01
I ll tell you what it is first.
3
SPEAKER_01
I think I remember.
4
SPEAKER_00
ready.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
All right.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh, this guy does this.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I think it s real.
4
SPEAKER_00
Heather s already curious.
4
SPEAKER_00
Watch what he does.
4
SPEAKER_00
Hopefully there s not loud music, but watch what he does.
4
SPEAKER_00
Let s see what happens.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
Throw the board.
4
SPEAKER_00
Jumping in is already scary enough.
4
SPEAKER_00
He s pretty high.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay, I could do that.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then get in, throw your rod, but he s got meat on it, which is scary because you re in the ocean.
4
SPEAKER_00
Uh-huh.
4
SPEAKER_00
And you wait, and then you try to surf, and then a shark bites it.
4
SPEAKER_00
Look at that, and pulls him.
4
SPEAKER_00
What?
4
SPEAKER_00
Who would do that?
4
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
4
SPEAKER_00
Who would do that?
4
SPEAKER_00
Is that real?
4
SPEAKER_01
And there s another shark.
4
SPEAKER_00
And he goes by that guy.
4
SPEAKER_00
I caught one, dude.
4
SPEAKER_00
What?
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
4
SPEAKER_00
Someone wrote, is that an Australian citizenship test?
4
SPEAKER_01
OK, real quickly, again, a guy on a pier throws meat overboard, jumps, throws his board overboard, gets on his board, casts out the meat.
4
SPEAKER_01
A shark gets in its jaws and starts swimming really fast.
4
SPEAKER_01
He s behind the shark.
4
SPEAKER_01
Mm hmm.
4
SPEAKER_01
We re going to have to hear from our fans on this one.
4
SPEAKER_01
I that s a long.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Tell us if it s fake or not.
4
SPEAKER_00
We re kind of real.
4
SPEAKER_01
Look kind of real, didn t it?
4
SPEAKER_00
I mean, look, we re rough on the edges.
4
SPEAKER_00
It wasn t like a perfect video, so it looked more real.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s just that it was going in a straight line fast.
4
SPEAKER_01
It wasn t just moving its head around, you know, which makes me suspicious.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh, that s a clue.
4
SPEAKER_01
I think a shark would bite it off and a shark would rear its head up.
4
SPEAKER_01
And pull and tug.
4
SPEAKER_01
Pull and tug.
4
SPEAKER_00
I didn t like it.
4
SPEAKER_00
I thought it was fake when the shark goes like this, bites on it, and then it goes to the guy.
4
SPEAKER_00
Are you ready?
4
SPEAKER_01
Here we go.
4
SPEAKER_01
I thought it was fake, and I have these good headphones, but the shark turned and said, shark go in the water, cage go in the water.
4
SPEAKER_01
Farewell any dune may we.
4
SPEAKER_01
Sorry, my voice went.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s from Jaws.
4
SPEAKER_00
I was doing Robert Shaw from Jaws.
4
SPEAKER_00
From Jaws.
4
SPEAKER_00
Great movie.
4
SPEAKER_01
You get the head, the tail, the whole damn thing.
4
SPEAKER_01
Chinaman pull me over San Francisco bar.
4
SPEAKER_01
Sorry.
4
SPEAKER_01
I ve memorized them.
4
SPEAKER_00
Love jaws.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yep.
4
SPEAKER_00
I thought it was fake when he, when the shark goes, was that good?
4
SPEAKER_00
Should we do one more?
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it was a little it s a little too easy.
4
SPEAKER_00
Surfboard meet sharks like, oh, I love meat.
4
SPEAKER_00
Fucking don t make me look stupid.
4
SPEAKER_00
Shark did look stupid.
4
SPEAKER_00
No.
4
SPEAKER_00
He took the bait.
4
SPEAKER_01
The sharks were right there by the dock.
4
SPEAKER_01
No, no.
4
SPEAKER_01
I call.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Fucking bullshit.
4
SPEAKER_00
Tell us in the comments.
4
SPEAKER_00
OK, is there any more?
4
SPEAKER_00
Because I have to let Dana go.
4
SPEAKER_01
The only thing of the day was that.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
You have any money for anything?
4
SPEAKER_00
Any.
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, here s the, let me, sorry.
4
SPEAKER_01
Nikki Haley famously shot it out, you know, went through the primaries with Trump.
4
SPEAKER_01
She was the last one standing and she was getting a pretty good response.
4
SPEAKER_01
She s a former United Nations person and governor and Trump being Trump has nicknames, you know, so he nicknamed her bird brain when she was still staying in the race.
4
SPEAKER_01
Very Trump.
4
SPEAKER_01
So now he calls her bird brain.
4
SPEAKER_01
Then she comes out yesterday and she goes, she says, I m going to be voting for Trump because Biden s a catastrophe.
4
SPEAKER_01
Right.
4
SPEAKER_01
So now knowing Trump, he now he s going to like her when Trump, then he s going to be like,
4
SPEAKER_01
You know, when I said bird brain and I said bird brain, it s really a, it s a compliment.
4
SPEAKER_01
If you think about it, think about birds.
4
SPEAKER_01
People don t know about birds, but think about bird brains.
4
SPEAKER_01
What birds could do is amazing.
4
SPEAKER_01
They come from dinosaur.
4
SPEAKER_01
Not many people know that they don t know that they can migrate from Alaska to Madagascar.
4
SPEAKER_01
Nobody knows how they get there.
4
SPEAKER_01
They can go a thousand, a thousand birds flying around.
4
SPEAKER_01
They take a hard left turn.
4
SPEAKER_01
Nobody knows how they know.
4
SPEAKER_01
So birds are compliment.
4
SPEAKER_01
I love bird brain.
4
SPEAKER_01
Birdbrain Nikki, I love her and I hope she gets on my fucking ticket.
4
SPEAKER_00
They make... Yeah, they make nests.
4
SPEAKER_00
They are smart.
4
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I do see what he s saying now because they fly to Capistrano, they fly back, they re always on time.
4
SPEAKER_01
It was not derogatory to call her Nikki.
4
SPEAKER_00
They can sing.
4
SPEAKER_00
They re good singers.
4
SPEAKER_01
They can sing if they re a parrot.
4
SPEAKER_01
They say something they can mimic like no one believes swans can just be in a lagoon for hours quietly and then fly away.
4
SPEAKER_01
These things are amazing.
4
SPEAKER_01
So Birdbrain was affection and I really love her.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I mean, there s a bird I saw in New York that they taught it to fly out.
4
SPEAKER_00
Well, it s not great, but they steal people s money and they bring it back to the guy in his window.
4
SPEAKER_00
I ll show that next week, but that s at least sort of a smart bird.
4
SPEAKER_01
Truth be told, birds are brilliant.
4
SPEAKER_01
I mean, they have been around for millions of years.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I used to watch them swoop around up in Marin County and just in concert, thousands of bird moving.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I don t know how they do it, how they communicate.
4
SPEAKER_01
Maybe they re telepathic.
4
SPEAKER_00
OK, I guess we can wrap it up.
4
SPEAKER_00
Anything else to do before we let everyone go?
4
SPEAKER_00
Everyone s parked somewhere going this can t be over.
4
SPEAKER_00
OK, here s another thing at the Cannes Film Festival.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yes, there s a big story about how all the billionaires are there and all the Instagram models they re getting.
4
SPEAKER_00
This was funny to me.
4
SPEAKER_00
Fifty four thousand to have sex with these guys.
4
SPEAKER_00
They put them on the boat for a week.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s an odd number, isn t it?
4
SPEAKER_00
Is that the union thing?
4
SPEAKER_01
What s going on?
4
SPEAKER_01
54,000 go on the boat for a week and you have to have sex with these chubby billionaires.
4
SPEAKER_00
I mean, most of them probably don t have to be in shape.
4
SPEAKER_00
They re not all supermodel guys.
4
SPEAKER_00
But yeah, that s the idea.
4
SPEAKER_00
And that s a big problem right now.
4
SPEAKER_00
Is it a problem?
4
SPEAKER_00
Is it not a problem?
4
SPEAKER_00
But that s a big thing happening.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I read about it.
4
SPEAKER_00
I read all about it.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I thought 54,000.
4
SPEAKER_00
Deal or no deal?
4
SPEAKER_01
I. Well, I don t like, you know, when women who needed money had to go out on the street and have a pimp control them and get beat up and stuff.
4
SPEAKER_01
So this this super high end.
4
SPEAKER_01
Sort of type voluntarily doing it, they like it, make money, work person to person exchange.
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t really have a problem with it.
4
SPEAKER_01
I did have a thought about and it s a positive thought about Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez because we talked about it.
4
SPEAKER_01
Recently, please.
4
SPEAKER_01
So the worst thing a couple the worst thing a couple can do
4
SPEAKER_01
is go on an Instagram, take a picture and say, we re so happy.
4
SPEAKER_01
We re just perfect for each other.
4
SPEAKER_01
The marriage is great.
4
SPEAKER_01
The kids are great.
4
SPEAKER_01
Everything s great.
4
SPEAKER_01
Whenever you see that divorce comes boom.
4
SPEAKER_01
So the fact that JLo and Ben Affleck are more open about their issues or whatever they re doing means they re going to be just fine.
4
SPEAKER_01
So that s my theory.
4
SPEAKER_01
If they were just hugging and kissing every second, this relationship s fantastic.
4
SPEAKER_01
then you know they break up.
4
SPEAKER_01
Do you have a comment?
4
SPEAKER_01
You look mystified.
4
SPEAKER_00
Well, yeah, sometimes they do the old, oh, I m wearing my ring, and they go like this, you can see it, or they put it up, or they put the visor, like, look, I m not wearing it.
4
SPEAKER_00
Then that s a story.
4
SPEAKER_00
Then the next day, oh, I am wearing it.
4
SPEAKER_00
If you re that deep in the paparazzi, you know you re doing these little tricks, and everyone bites on them.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s very odd.
4
SPEAKER_00
I think Ben is more of a regular dude, likes to go to Commerce Casino and
4
SPEAKER_00
inland and gamble sometimes, and she s more of like a movie star, superstar.
4
SPEAKER_00
So that could work or it could not work.
4
SPEAKER_00
There s reasons either way.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, and things get lost.
4
SPEAKER_01
let s remember Ben Affleck as an actor, done some brilliant performances, and then as a director, and then him and Adam Damon produced movies and produced that thing about the Lakers.
4
SPEAKER_01
Argo was a brilliant movie, The Town.
4
SPEAKER_01
So, you know, the tabloids, just you can get lost in them, but these are very talented people, Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck.
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
4
SPEAKER_00
In summary, you re pulling.
4
SPEAKER_00
We get along.
4
SPEAKER_01
We re not we re not fighting.
4
SPEAKER_01
You know, we re fucking tabloid fodder.
4
SPEAKER_00
Me and you.
4
SPEAKER_01
I know I never I never liked it.
4
SPEAKER_01
You know, I actually when they used to they d take pictures, be on the sidewalk.
4
SPEAKER_01
This in New York during my heyday.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then they would change film.
4
SPEAKER_01
It wasn t digital.
4
SPEAKER_01
They would change film.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I would go, OK, go ahead.
4
SPEAKER_01
One time you said, go ahead, go ahead.
4
SPEAKER_01
They went through like five rolls.
4
SPEAKER_01
The guy goes, I m out.
4
SPEAKER_01
like kind of out of bullets.
4
SPEAKER_01
So then I started walking.
4
SPEAKER_01
I walked toward I go, come on more.
4
SPEAKER_01
Can t don t you have an extra role?
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t know why I did push the guy.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Well, I can do this.
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t take a picture of me.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m like, go ahead.
4
SPEAKER_01
Have all you want.
4
SPEAKER_00
You know, it s like a gun.
4
SPEAKER_00
They go up, up, up, up, up.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then they got to reload.
4
SPEAKER_00
And that s when you run.
4
SPEAKER_00
And plus, they already get like.
4
SPEAKER_00
With guys, it s not that interesting.
4
SPEAKER_00
I ve had guys take my picture, but they would rather see me with a date.
4
SPEAKER_00
Point Blank said, if you re with a date, we can sell it, make it look like whatever.
4
SPEAKER_00
They want something juicy.
4
SPEAKER_01
David Spade out here, David Spade does this.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like I said, the only way is just to be incredibly boring, which I am.
5
SPEAKER_01
David Spade out in his shorty shorts again.
5
SPEAKER_01
All right.
5
SPEAKER_01
Well, that s it, Dana.
5
SPEAKER_01
I will talk to you exactly one week.
5
SPEAKER_01
We won t talk before then.
5
SPEAKER_01
I ll just talk to you on the podcast.
5
SPEAKER_00
We baked another pancake.
5
SPEAKER_01
This has been a presentation of Odyssey.
5
SPEAKER_01
Superfly is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade.
5
SPEAKER_01
Jenna Weiss, Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman.
5
SPEAKER_01
Hope you liked it.