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The following podcast is a Dear Media production.
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She s a lifestyle blogger extraordinaire.
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Fantastic.
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And he s a serial entrepreneur.
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A very smart cookie.
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And now Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic are bringing you along for the ride.
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Get ready for some major realness.
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Welcome to the Skinny Confidential.
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Him and Her.
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I made the US ski team with a reconstructed spine.
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ran the biggest poker games in the world.
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I was beaten up by the Italian mob.
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I dealt with the Russian mob.
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I stood up to the United States government.
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I got $9 million seized.
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I found my life in ruination and had to sort of battle back.
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And I will tell you that being a parent is so much harder than any of that stuff.
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And I just, I want to give a voice to that.
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Hello, everybody.
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Welcome back to the Skinny Confidential Him and Her Show.
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Today, we re sitting down for the second time with our friend, Molly Bloom.
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For those of you who missed the first episode that we did with Molly Bloom, it is a groundbreaking episode with such an incredible story.
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I think to date, it s one of Lauren and I s favorite episodes.
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I don t think I actually know.
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And the audience at the time received it so well.
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She has such an incredible story that was actually eventually made into a movie called Molly s Game.
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So definitely check that episode out if you haven t heard it.
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But today, Molly s joining us again.
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For those of you who do not know who Molly is, Molly is an entrepreneur.
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She s a best-selling author, a former member of the U.S.
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ski team.
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Today, she s joining the show again to go over her journey with fertility, having a baby at 40 years old, and learning how to be a mom when you re used to living in your masculine energy.
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We also discuss how to take inventory of your life, how to gauge what kinds of presence you want to be around, and how to be vulnerable and have boundaries at the same time.
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Molly is a pro on a mic.
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She s a pro on really any media platform.
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And we love having her.
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With that, Molly Bloom, welcome back to the Skinny Confidential Him and Her Show.
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This is the Skinny Confidential Him and Her.
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One of my personal favorite podcast guests, Molly Bloom, is back on the show.
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And when someone asks me, which episode should I start with?
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I m like, Molly Bloom.
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You rocked my world when you were on the mic last time.
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Our world.
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Our world.
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I was like, and I look back and watch my face in that episode and I m just like, your storytelling is like nothing I ve ever seen.
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So if you guys have not listened to that episode, go run.
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They did happen to make a Hollywood blockbuster movie out of it for life.
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True.
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The podcast was better than the movie, right?
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But keep going.
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I want to go back to where we left off with you.
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You told the story of everything that happened to you, but we didn t get to tell the chapter that you were in at the moment.
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So what was that chapter that was happening while we recorded that episode?
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So I froze my eggs at 36 and I did it at an extremely reputable place and we had a good result and the fertility doctor was like, you re good.
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And so I just kind of
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thought I had time and I thought that I could put my life together.
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And obviously I ideally wanted to meet someone who I felt was going to be a good parent.
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And I did that at 40.
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Around 41, we decided to fertilize the eggs and none of them worked.
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And so, you know, I think this is an important
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conversation in itself, how much people are overselling, how much clinics are overselling the egg freezing success.
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And now we re starting to see results.
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This is not to suggest people shouldn t do it.
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It s just to make sure that you re doing your own research.
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You re not just listening to a doctor who stands to make a lot of money from sort of like a little effort.
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You know, then I went to to get my fertility measures checked, which I think everyone should do over the age of even 30.
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It s a blood test and it s a it s an ultrasound to look at follicles.
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And my fertility was dismal.
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And the doctors said, I think you should, we ll try a round, but my gut is telling me that you should look at donor egg or adoption.
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And so we did a round, didn t get much.
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And then he said, you know, let s start to go in a different direction.
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And I was like, thinking to myself, if I had only tried once,
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at everything that was important to me.
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I would have done nothing.
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And this was maybe the most important thing.
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So I did all this research and I left sort of no stone unturned.
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I did Chinese medicine.
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was cooking these herbs in this crazy pot and traveling with them and, you know, taking the supplements that I read about.
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And then I did a lot of research and found out that it s really the labs and the embryologists that are going to kind of determine your fate.
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The protocols are all kind of the same, but it s really these people and these centers that can handle this very fragile piece of biology, right?
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And so I did all that research.
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I found that one of the most reputable clinics was in Denver.
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So I was flying back and forth.
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I did nine rounds.
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Holy shit.
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I want, I want people to understand what that looks like on a day to day basis on your weight, bloating, hormones, emotions.
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relationships like it is that nine rounds is not a fucking joke it s not yeah and i it was a huge lesson to me because i have always had this sort of idea i can handle anything right like whatever it s it s gonna be hard it s gonna be hard day to day you are
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First of all, paying a lot of money each round.
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You know, you re already kind of like stressed about that.
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You re injecting yourself with medications that cost like $15,000.
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And what you re doing is you re stimulating your body.
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Normally in a woman s cycle, one egg is produced.
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You re trying to get as many as possible.
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So you re jacking your hormones up.
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to like this crazy degree.
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I was 30 pounds heavier, 30.
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For the first four rounds, I kind of kept it together in terms of like sanity, optimism.
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And, you know, what was happening was I was getting more embryos.
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So all the sort of interventions that I did, the Chinese medicine, the, you know, meditation around it, the supplements, they really did work.
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And a lot of
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fertility specialists will tell you that you can t improve your egg quality or your egg count.
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And I absolutely stand here and completely disagree with that.
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You saw it happening over and over.
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I saw it happen.
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I changed my nutrition.
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And my results were like, you know, I was getting like one to two eggs.
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I started getting like 11.
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Wow.
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Now I m 41 at the time.
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So 10% of my eggs are chromosomally normal.
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90%, this is what, you know, the science is, 90% are not.
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So this is what saved me.
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If I had a shred of sanity left, this is what saved me.
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I did the math.
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I m going to have to, if I want two viable embryos, I m going to have to test 20 of them.
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You and I, I could have been in Molly s game with you, but you would have had to do the math.
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Can you explain the math to me?
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She s giving you... No, of course she s telling me she did the math.
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She s giving you the percentages of the success rates.
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I know, but I... So what you re saying is... I don t understand what you just said.
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You re saying, like, you re saying... She knew she had to get X amount of eggs to just statistically be possible for her to get the results she wanted.
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Right, because only... Because 90% of my... Of a woman s eggs... And this varies.
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This is just the... This is just the sort of, like, the average.
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90 percent of your eggs by the time you re 41 are chromosomally abnormal.
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Got it.
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You have 10 percent that feasibly are normal.
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So if you want to get one
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One good embryo, you have to test 10.
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And when you were doing it, how many embryos that were healthy were you getting?
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None.
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Wow.
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So what you re saying is she need like, say you like, okay, I need 100 and then I d have 10 good ones statistically.
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Right, exactly.
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But she s saying 20, she d have two good ones statistically.
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Right, right.
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Okay, I got it.
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Let s make sure you re not in charge of the family finances.
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I do other things.
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By the way, it s so funny because in high school, I sucked at math.
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You became pretty good.
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Well, because there was such an upside, which, you know.
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I find that in most things.
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Yeah, right.
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I agree.
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Until you become really interested in something, because there s a reason to be, most people write things off.
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So did you kind of know before you went into this that you would have to do it around nine times?
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Or when you re in your fourth time and you re feeling like the way you said it kind of switched, did you know you had to do nine times?
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I had this sort of, this probability structure in my mind.
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So I was like, as long as the math is working, I can keep doing this.
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And so I think on my fifth round, we got one normal.
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But that was, you know, so you inject yourself with all these hormones, you feel absolutely insane.
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I have a friend who said that she traveled internationally and then she did IVF and she thought that she had gotten rabies from traveling because that s how just like crazy you feel inside.
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Finally, we got a normal one.
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Now, so you re injecting yourself with all these hormones, then you do an egg retrieval, then you fertilize the egg, and they call you and tell you how many fertilized, and then they try to grow the egg into an embryo, which means that the cells have to keep dividing and multiplying.
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Each call, there s this massive attrition rate.
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You know, there s this like, OK, now we have this many, this many.
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But I was getting to the point where I d have six or seven viable embryos.
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Then you wait 10 days for the genetics to come back.
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And they d be like, all seven of them are chromosomally abnormal, you know.
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So anyway, finally, we got a normal.
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And then I,
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then now you have to deal with the odds of a transfer.
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At my age, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah.
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It s 50-50.
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It s a coin toss.
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I know there s two different things.
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There s like a turkey baster situation, for lack of a better word.
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Yes.
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And then there s where they like, you do all these hormones, right?
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Which one did you do?
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So you do all the hormones in order to stimulate your body to create
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more eggs per cycle.
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So most of the time you have one egg per cycle.
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Think about the amount of energy, the amount of sort of the symptoms you have.
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It s times 10, 20 because they re stimulating your body to create as many eggs as possible so that when they go to extract them, they have as many as possible to work with.
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And obviously it s a process that happens in a lab, so you have to figure that in.
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And then when you get a good embryo, then it s time for transfer, more hormones.
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Sometimes you gotta take something to put your body temporarily into menopause.
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I mean, it s an intense, intense process.
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And then they put the little embryo, like they bring it out of cryo-freeze.
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They put the little microscopic embryo into this tube and then they like shoot it in and you hope that it holds on.
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So what happened the first time?
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she held on.
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It worked.
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So after nine rounds, the first time that you put it in, it worked.
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It did.
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After all you d went through, and then it worked.
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It was terrifying.
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Wow.
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Because you were worried that something would happen.
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For sure.
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That s so wild.
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I thought you were going to say you re so happy, but that makes total sense.
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You re terrified.
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Of course, when I got the call, I fell to my knees and I was
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you know, like overjoyed, but you ve had so much bad news.
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You ve had so much negativity.
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And for me, it was the bottom of the ninth.
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I m 41 years old.
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It took me nine rounds to get two embryos.
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You know, this is it.
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Simultaneously, I had started to realize that my husband, I didn t have those feelings for him.
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I loved him as a human being.
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I had a massive amount of respect for him, but I didn t feel romantic about him anymore.
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I mean, it had changed.
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Do you think that that had to do with any, and you obviously could speak more eloquently on this, of the way that he showed up for you while you were going through those rounds, or is that nothing to do with it?
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I think that it would have happened no matter what.
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We were in very different places in life, and I met him right around when the movie was coming out, and I had never heard a man who s good-looking and whatever speak about principles and character and women with this level of reverence.
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I had spent my days in poker rooms.
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with some characters.
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I relate to you on the smallest little level.
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I was a bartender and these rich, powerful men would come in, in Rancho Santa Fe, and I d really be able to hear
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the real conversation.
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For sure.
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I always said that I felt like a picture on the wall.
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Yeah.
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Like it s like I wasn t even there.
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Right.
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I was just like more of a fixture.
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Right.
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And they were really saying their real things in front of me.
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And it was a fucking trip.
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Yeah.
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I look at it as that for me.
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I like love I love it.
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I look at it like a really positive thing because it gave me all these
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It s not like a focus group, it s like data that I wouldn t have had access to.
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For sure.
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But I can only imagine what you heard.
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Right.
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I mean, that s a book in itself.
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Yes.
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That I will never write.
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Don t worry, secrets stay safe.
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So when you met someone that is all these qualities, you instantly fell in love with him.
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I did.
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Yeah.
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I didn t really project.
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what it would mean to be with someone who was, for instance, 10 years younger, has had completely different life experience.
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As terrified as I was, I used to wake up every night in the middle of the night just to make sure there wasn t, I wasn t having a miscarriage, you know, like it was, I was scared.
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When I see the truth about something, I can t just hang out.
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Like I knew it was that part of our relationship was over.
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And I also knew that when this little girl came into the world, I wanted to have art shit figured out.
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And so at two months pregnant, I sat down with him and had this tough conversation.
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He s an incredible human being who is so able to bench his ego and to really look at the bigger picture.
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And we spent 48 hours kind of with each other, grieving, crying.
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And then I moved.
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We were on the East Coast because he was finishing his PhD in neuroscience.
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And then I moved back to Colorado and basically spent most of my pregnancy alone or traveling and speaking, which is a trip getting, you know, because everyone s like expecting like Molly s game, you know, badass.
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And I m like waddling up there like, what s up, everyone?
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You know.
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But it was a very challenging, challenging time.
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And then every checkup, I was sure that they were going to tell me no heartbeat or... And then she was born.
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And it was like such a profound experience.
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And I just had this thought like, why did I think anything ever mattered before this, you know?
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And then the like real terror took like over because
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Vulnerability is not my strong suit, you know, being exposed to the world like my whole life.
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I ve I ve tried to be strategic and can, you know, try to control my environment.
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and and have as much information as I can and also try to fortify myself so that like when bad things happen I can get through it and all of a sudden I know now there is no safety because I love this child so much that if something happens I
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You know, I just didn t know how to deal with it.
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It was the most vulnerable and sort of exposed I d ever felt.
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But it was such a good lesson because I think over the years, like, I had been brave in other places, but I hadn t been brave in relationships.
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I d always had that that armor on.
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I never wanted to lose control.
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I and so as a as a byproduct.
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I don t think I really had like true intimate relationships where I really opened myself up and Fiona changed that.
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I mean, I had no choice.
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There is no I couldn t logically, like, come up with a plan to to, like, be OK if something happened to her.
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For longtime listeners of this show, it might feel like Groundhog Day because I cannot stop talking about AG1.
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I have been taking AG1 for close to eight years now, ever since we learned about the product.
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And what I love so much about AG1 is it s become an absolute staple in our morning routine.
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AG1 actually reminds me that I need to hydrate more properly.
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I know that sounds strange, but I have a little bit of a ritual where I get the AG1, I put a big scoop in a heaping glass of water.
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What I love about it the most is I get all my multivitamins, I get my adaptogens, I get my greens, all in one powerful scoop.
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It gives me energy, it gives me focus, it just makes me feel great first thing in the morning.
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We recently hosted Cat Cole, the COO of AG1 on the show, to dive even deeper into all the things they do as a company.
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I don t know how many times at this point they ve reiterated the formula and continued to improve it.
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But this company is committed to constantly making a better product.
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And they re so focused on just doing one thing so well, which Lauren and I appreciate so much.
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And like I mentioned earlier, it supports my entire body and covers my nutritional basis every single day.
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It tastes great.
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It s easy.
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It s drinkable habit with our busy lifestyles.
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and we can take it anytime we travel, we re on the go.
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It just fits our lifestyle so nicely.
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If there was only one supplement I was going to invest in, it would be AG1 because it covers so many different bases.
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As you guys know, we re always looking for high quality products.
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That s why we ve partnered with AG1 for so long.
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So if you want to take ownership of your health, start with AG1, try AG1 and get a free one-year supply of vitamin D3 and K2.
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and five free AG1 travel packs with your first purchase exclusively at drinkag1.com slash skinny.
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That s drinkag1.com slash skinny.
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Check it out.
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Who doesn t want a better environment to live in?
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Who doesn t want to have better hormone regulations?
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Who doesn t want to have a chemical-free household?
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This is why I love talking about Branch Basics so much.
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For the non-believers out there, I was a non-believer myself.
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Lauren introduced me to this brand, Branch Basics, and then we had their founder, Allison, on the show talking all about cleaning up the home supplies in the house.
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So many of us grew up with these nostalgic brands that have all of these fragrances and hormone disruptors and harmful preservatives that wreak havoc on our health.
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in their cleaning supplies and they re just completely unaware of it.
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Ever since Lauren and I have got those out of the house and started using Branch Basics for basically all of our cleaning supplies in the house, our lives have absolutely changed.
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Their premium starter kit replaces all of your harmful cleaning products in the home and Branch Basics now has a new luxurious gel hand soap made with only the safest ingredients to nourish your skin.
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I m a firm believer that if you can make better choices, why would you not?
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And Branch Basics is definitely that better choice.
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Like I said, you don t want harmful chemical supplies in your cleaning supplies, in your household that you re breathing in every day.
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I think when you re very comfortable with your masculine side as a woman, it s really hard to become a mother because you re like, wait, I don t know how to access this femininity right away.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s weird.
2
SPEAKER_01
I relate to what you re saying 100%.
2
SPEAKER_01
I totally understand.
2
SPEAKER_01
It almost takes a while to wrap your head around the exposed feeling that you re talking about.
2
SPEAKER_00
For sure.
2
SPEAKER_00
I sometimes view it too as,
2
SPEAKER_00
people have had trauma, it s like a defense mechanism because you ve been able to wall off your emotions for so long and you can t do that as a parent.
2
SPEAKER_00
No.
2
SPEAKER_00
Or you could, I guess, but you shouldn t do that as a parent.
2
SPEAKER_02
Right.
2
SPEAKER_02
You become acutely aware that any of your maladaptive coping strategies or defense mechanisms or neurosis need to be resolved.
2
SPEAKER_02
Otherwise,
2
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That s what this kid s gonna see modeled.
2
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Well, they reflect it to you too.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like if you re doing something that is not, I don t know, motherly, they ll reflect it to you.
2
SPEAKER_01
And that s a wild thing.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s wild.
2
SPEAKER_02
It is.
2
SPEAKER_02
And the other thing, and maybe both of you will relate to this, I was a freedom junkie.
2
SPEAKER_02
You know, I wanted to live life on my own terms.
2
SPEAKER_02
I wanted to make my own rules.
2
SPEAKER_02
If things got stale, I wanted to be able to, you know, go, go.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_02
And all of a sudden you realize.
2
SPEAKER_02
That s not possible anymore.
2
SPEAKER_01
My dad said, like, the longer a man stays single, the harder it is for him to get in a relationship.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I could imagine the same for a woman.
2
SPEAKER_01
The longer you take to wait to have kids, it s like you re so set in your ways because it s been, instead of some people have kids at 21, instead of 21 years, it s been an extra 20 years.
2
SPEAKER_01
So you re even more set in your ways.
2
SPEAKER_00
We just went on a vacation with a bunch of friends, and it was fun.
2
SPEAKER_00
But we re all standing around, and now a lot of us have kids, but this was a no-kids trip.
2
SPEAKER_00
And at the end of it, it was kind of a mourning phase.
2
SPEAKER_00
We were like, this is just, it s just kind of over.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s like the bender.
2
SPEAKER_00
There s just things you can t do anymore.
2
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And I think a lot of people that don t have kids, or maybe even do,
2
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have a really difficult time fathoming that.
2
SPEAKER_00
Sure.
2
SPEAKER_00
I saw this stand-up comedian talking and he s saying, oh, do you think it s hard having kids?
2
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What do you do when you leave the house?
2
SPEAKER_00
Most people without kids, they leave the house.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
Where the kids are like, where s the shoes?
2
SPEAKER_00
Where s this?
2
SPEAKER_00
Where s the lunchbox?
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
But it is the most rewarding process in the world.
2
SPEAKER_00
It is.
2
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You have to make peace with a certain part of you is dead and gone.
2
SPEAKER_02
you sort of have to let it break you and remake you.
2
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But, you know, then now I have this little baby that, you know, you have that feeling like if I m not vigilant, if I m not there, they re not gonna stay alive.
2
SPEAKER_02
Like, you know, you have that as a mother.
2
SPEAKER_02
I feel like my amygdala grew like 20 times the size, you know?
2
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And so I have these fears and Devin s on the East Coast and I have to start working
2
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three weeks after she s born.
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So I have to leave this little like center of my universe that I m so afraid that something s going to happen.
2
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And because, you know, I m the I m her financial support.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
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I was breast
3
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feeding, I breastfed for 14 months, I would fly to Australia for one day, pump, come back, drop off milk, and I was just probably doing that a lot to deal with the guilt that you have.
3
SPEAKER_01
eventually that sort of loneliness of being a single parent.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I had help.
3
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I don t want to minimize that.
3
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My mom moved down the street.
3
SPEAKER_01
You know, I had nannies and everything.
3
SPEAKER_01
But at some point, everyone goes home and you re alone with this baby.
3
SPEAKER_01
It doesn t feel good.
3
SPEAKER_01
So all of these factors, you know, like the crazy travel schedule,
3
SPEAKER_01
the overwhelming sort of anxiety you feel about having this kid.
3
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Ultimately, I got to a place that I ve never been to in which my mind and body just like was done.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like it was such intense burnout and such intense like depression.
3
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that I didn t know what to do because you can t I can t stop working and I can t stop showing up for my for my kid you know so it was this just extremely challenging time and
3
SPEAKER_01
You know, I don t think parents and moms especially get enough respect.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I am here to tell you that I have been, I made the US ski team with a reconstructed spine.
3
SPEAKER_01
I
3
SPEAKER_01
you know, ran the biggest poker games in the world.
3
SPEAKER_01
I was beaten up by the Italian mob.
3
SPEAKER_01
I dealt with the Russian mob.
3
SPEAKER_01
I stood up to the United States government.
3
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I got $9 million seized, uh, found my life in ruination and had to sort of battle back.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I will tell you that being a parent is
3
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so much harder than any of that that stuff.
3
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And I just I want to give a voice to that because I think sometimes the role is minimized and you know it s like there s this like reductive sort of idea of mom sitting around drinking Pinot Grigio and like
3
SPEAKER_01
It s a, I mean, it is hard.
3
SPEAKER_01
You can t quit.
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SPEAKER_01
Like you can t, you can t take a day off.
3
SPEAKER_01
You can t go somewhere and just like, you can t go to a spa.
3
SPEAKER_01
But then Devin finished his PhD a couple months ago and he moved back and he moved in with us.
3
SPEAKER_01
How s that going?
3
SPEAKER_01
My ex, you know, my ex lives in my basement.
3
SPEAKER_01
I love it.
3
SPEAKER_01
Modern family.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I m always like, you need to find us a wife.
3
SPEAKER_02
If you, if you, if you and I divorce, you can move in my basement.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_02
I could still use a helping hand.
3
SPEAKER_02
No, it s amazing.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like my life is so different now.
3
SPEAKER_00
Can I have carte blanche over the basement design?
3
SPEAKER_01
No.
3
SPEAKER_00
Deal breaker.
3
SPEAKER_00
Deal breaker.
3
SPEAKER_01
um meanwhile he he like wanted the basement because he wanted his own space yeah and for four months he s slept on the in the day bed in his in our in our daughter s room oh okay and he so you and but you guys are just friends we are best friends
3
SPEAKER_01
He s the dad that like every little girl would want.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like she is the center of his universe.
3
SPEAKER_01
He s done so much work on himself.
3
SPEAKER_01
He s been sober since he was 23 and really involved in that community.
3
SPEAKER_01
So always looking at himself, always looking at ways to improve a real deep understanding from not only his neuroscience education, but also like helping other people with addiction.
3
SPEAKER_01
So like a really profound understanding of how to use
3
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emotion skillfully and you know he s just I would love to have like what you guys have you know that s the dream but this this is a close second.
3
SPEAKER_02
You know what I was telling my friend though what we have we ve known each other since we were 12.
3
SPEAKER_02
I know.
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SPEAKER_02
It s like so it s so like niche like it s like I don t want anyone to look at us and think that because
3
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It s not lost on us that I guess what we have is rare.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s very rare.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s really rare, but I don t think anyone should compare that.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t say that to be like, oh, I say it.
3
SPEAKER_00
We re very careful to give a ton of relationship advice that s not somewhat broad because
3
SPEAKER_00
Our relationship is unique and I think sometimes people will view it from the outside and be like, wow, this looks like the most dysfunctional thing ever.
3
SPEAKER_00
But I always say, imagine you ve known somebody for 30 years.
3
SPEAKER_00
There s a lot of things that really work about it and a lot of things that I would not tell anyone else to do.
3
SPEAKER_00
Most couples should not work together.
3
SPEAKER_00
Most couples should not co-host a show together.
3
SPEAKER_00
Most couples maybe shouldn t know each other since they were kids.
3
SPEAKER_00
There s pros and cons, and so I just think every individual s unique, but I ve also seen people get together much later that have had the greatest love stories.
3
SPEAKER_00
You know what I mean?
3
SPEAKER_00
So it s just, I think it just, sometimes people try to force it.
3
SPEAKER_02
Everything s happening for you, though.
3
SPEAKER_02
You re gonna find someone that fits into your puzzle.
3
SPEAKER_00
But what s more common, and I guess my thought process here was, what s more common is somebody will be in the situation you were previously in, and know it s not right, and stay in it.
3
SPEAKER_00
for the sake of whatever somebody told them, you know.
3
SPEAKER_01
Or safety.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, or safety.
3
SPEAKER_00
Right.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then they take a large portion of their life not living as happy as they should be.
3
SPEAKER_01
Right.
3
SPEAKER_00
Right.
3
SPEAKER_00
So, I don t know, I guess that s my point.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, I think you should also give yourself more credit because from the outside, like you guys have known each other for so long, you ve built this business together, there has to be a lot of work you do.
3
SPEAKER_00
I think we re both, and I don t want to speak for Lauren, but I guess I am speaking for her.
3
SPEAKER_00
We re committed to doing, I guess, some things that maybe
3
SPEAKER_00
many others won t do when things get really bad.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like we were on the plane going back and we were talking to a group of our friends.
3
SPEAKER_00
We were talking about like the worst times in our relationship.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I think many of those times people like they throw in the towel.
3
SPEAKER_01
Right.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s what I mean.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I think we re both like, OK, we re not going to throw in the towel.
3
SPEAKER_01
Right.
3
SPEAKER_00
That makes sense.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I mean, I think it s like beautiful to see what you have built and to see that and to have that kind of history with someone.
3
SPEAKER_01
And yeah, like a lot of people can t replicate that.
3
SPEAKER_01
But
3
SPEAKER_01
It s a great love story.
3
SPEAKER_01
Thank you.
3
SPEAKER_02
Let s see how it ends.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s not over yet.
3
SPEAKER_02
Oh, YouTube s going to love that.
3
SPEAKER_02
They say like, does she hate her husband?
3
SPEAKER_02
I m like, no, I love my husband.
3
SPEAKER_02
Why?
3
SPEAKER_02
It s our banter.
3
SPEAKER_02
If I can t have fun with my husband, put me down.
3
SPEAKER_02
All right.
3
SPEAKER_02
Like old yellow.
3
SPEAKER_02
I know.
3
SPEAKER_02
I know.
3
SPEAKER_01
I mean, people.
3
SPEAKER_01
There s like this quote from this Aldous Huxley book, and it just talks about living a bit lighter, you know?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
Feeling lighter, taking everything a little bit less seriously.
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, the type of women that I m attracted to in my life, and this is my friends too, is like, I like a very strong, brash woman.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s why I loved having you on the show.
3
SPEAKER_00
But if you look at the women I surround myself with in my personal life, they re all ball-busting women, tough.
3
SPEAKER_00
My mom s that.
3
SPEAKER_00
I was just gonna say, you must have had a badass mom.
3
SPEAKER_02
Mom is like you.
3
SPEAKER_02
She s wearing the suit like you.
3
SPEAKER_02
She s a boss.
3
SPEAKER_00
I ll just be honest.
3
SPEAKER_00
Some women are dating these guys that if you say one thing wrong about them, the guy loses his shit and goes into a tailspin.
3
SPEAKER_00
So they re like, I can t believe her wife would talk to us.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m like, listen, tell your husband to grow a pair and not be so offending.
3
SPEAKER_02
No, everyone to each its own.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, she s trying to muffle me now, but that, you know.
3
SPEAKER_02
I think going back to what you said about parenting, why it s so hard out of all those things you ve been through is there s no gauge on it.
3
SPEAKER_02
Like with like with the law, you could say black or white, but with parenting, like if you do something that you perceive to be really smart, you still are questioning yourself.
3
SPEAKER_02
You still don t know if it s the right thing.
3
SPEAKER_02
Absolutely.
3
SPEAKER_02
Like, for instance, if I m like, I m going to put my kid in school and then I get all this shit on Instagram, like homeschool, it s like,
3
SPEAKER_02
You know what I mean?
3
SPEAKER_02
Like, it s like you never know if you re doing the right thing.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s what s hard about it.
3
SPEAKER_01
And that s why I think it s so important to try to re-village to some degree.
3
SPEAKER_01
Because we are not meant to raise kids by ourself.
3
SPEAKER_01
We re meant to, like, learn from our elders and learn from a community.
3
SPEAKER_01
And the more and more sort of isolated people get and parents get, I think the more unhealthy
4
SPEAKER_01
healthy culturally we get.
4
SPEAKER_01
And so, you know, I think it would be
4
SPEAKER_01
a really cool thing to take on to try to create community and resources and a more accepting environment.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like you have to have, like you have to build a culture in which it s okay to sleep train.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s also okay not to sleep train, right?
4
SPEAKER_01
It s okay to close sleep.
4
SPEAKER_01
Both of these things can be true simultaneously.
4
SPEAKER_01
And it s so interesting because I just talked to Annie Duke.
4
SPEAKER_01
Do you know who she is?
4
SPEAKER_00
I know who she is, but we ve never met her.
4
SPEAKER_01
You should have her on, she is so brilliant and so fascinating.
4
SPEAKER_01
So I was talking to her, I was interviewing her for my new book and she was one of the most prolific female poker players and she won a ton of money.
4
SPEAKER_01
And so now what she does is she teaches people how to make good decisions.
4
SPEAKER_01
And humans are really bad at making good decisions because they trust their gut and the gut
4
SPEAKER_01
is sometimes it s on, but most of the time it s very error-ridden, you know?
4
SPEAKER_01
But so I was asking her, because I was talking, we were talking about tribalism and how this country has gotten, you know, like almost tribal politics.
4
SPEAKER_01
And she said, people love to be, people love to identify with a position because it satisfies two really deep human needs, to be distinctive and to be part of something.
4
SPEAKER_01
And so I said, well, what s the solution?
4
SPEAKER_01
You know?
4
SPEAKER_01
And she said, what I do with the companies that I consult and that is we make like our culture, this open-minded, non-binary, non, you know, like not black and white, nuanced,
4
SPEAKER_01
Perspective on life, right?
4
SPEAKER_01
It s OK to sleep train.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s not.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s also OK not to sleep train.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then she says what happens is then it satisfies the distinctiveness and the part of being a tribe, because you re like, I m an open minded thinker.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m accepting of of all positions.
4
SPEAKER_01
And that s what I pride myself in.
4
SPEAKER_01
And that s like, you know, what I identify with.
4
SPEAKER_01
Imagine if everyone was an open minded thinker.
4
SPEAKER_01
Can you imagine that?
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, I m writing this book on affective presence, which is the science of how you make people feel.
4
SPEAKER_01
So how people feel, what kind of emotions people have in your presence.
4
SPEAKER_01
And there s some people that have negative affective presence.
4
SPEAKER_01
And there are those people, you know, like there are the people where everyone s like, oh, my God, you know.
4
SPEAKER_01
And like they walk in the room and everyone s like, oh God.
4
SPEAKER_01
And, and, you know, there s this thing, emotional contagion.
4
SPEAKER_01
So the, you know, the, the sort of happiness degree goes down.
4
SPEAKER_01
And what s so important about understanding this is people make decisions mostly with their emotions.
4
SPEAKER_01
And so even if you re the less qualified candidate, if you know how to invoke positive emotions from people, if you know how to make somebody feel seen and listen to them and find fascination in their life, there s this data that shows those people do better in every situation, even if they re less qualified.
4
SPEAKER_01
And so
4
SPEAKER_01
One of the worst offenders, one of the things that causes the most negative effect of presence is people who are inflexible and deeply opinionated.
4
SPEAKER_01
These people, this is not malicious behavior.
4
SPEAKER_01
They re passionate, right?
4
SPEAKER_01
They re very passionate about their position, and it doesn t mean they have to abandon their position.
4
SPEAKER_01
It just means that they have to allow other people to have a different perspective.
4
SPEAKER_00
The problem with people like that, though, is if they attach that to their identity, it shatters their identity.
4
SPEAKER_02
That s right.
4
SPEAKER_02
And their ego.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
And what I do, it s so funny to me because we will have people on this show.
4
SPEAKER_00
Let s just use a political example.
4
SPEAKER_00
We have people that have very right-leaning views and very left-leaning views.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I say, and I try to tell this to the company all the time.
4
SPEAKER_00
Carson s been in those meetings.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I say, sometimes you re going to hear perspectives that you don t get.
4
SPEAKER_00
And if that perspective shatters you that much, there s work you need to do on yourself.
4
SPEAKER_00
Right.
4
SPEAKER_00
Right.
4
SPEAKER_00
For me, I want to understand why somebody came to one conclusion and somebody living in the same world came to a different conclusion.
4
SPEAKER_02
Right.
4
SPEAKER_00
Because that s going to help me as a person
4
SPEAKER_00
try to develop my own thought patterns so that I can understand something better.
4
SPEAKER_00
Where if I just like blanketly accept what everybody s saying on one side or another side, then there s really no point for me to think at all.
4
SPEAKER_02
Right.
4
SPEAKER_00
I might as well just pick whatever group I feel better with.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m just going to do that and mindlessly run around like a drone.
4
SPEAKER_01
Right.
4
SPEAKER_01
And let s establish
4
SPEAKER_01
Lauren, Michael, and Molly aren t saying you shouldn t be opinionated.
4
SPEAKER_01
This is science.
4
SPEAKER_01
This is what the science is saying.
4
SPEAKER_01
So it doesn t mean that you don t have strong views and that you
4
SPEAKER_01
that you that you don t like go out and protest or get involved with those views.
4
SPEAKER_01
It just means that you allow other people to have their views.
4
SPEAKER_01
And at this point in our country, I don t know if anything is more important than having people tolerate different views and and stop hating each other and and literally like wanting to
4
SPEAKER_01
harm each other for those different views.
4
SPEAKER_02
You may have heard me talk about my daily non-negotiables on past episodes, one of which is a morning walk with my son.
4
SPEAKER_02
So after I wake up, I try to make the bed, I hydrate with an electrolyte water, and I do my quick wellness and skincare routine.
4
SPEAKER_02
I make my kids breakfast, then my son and I go outside for a walk.
4
SPEAKER_02
So he s in the stroller and I m doing a walking meditation,
4
SPEAKER_02
We get in our morning light and movement in and we love it.
4
SPEAKER_02
It s like a habit stack if I ve ever seen one.
4
SPEAKER_02
And during those morning walks, I m wearing Nike specifically at my indie bra and my Nike Motiva walking shoes.
4
SPEAKER_02
The bra is so supportive.
4
SPEAKER_02
In fact, it comes in different support levels, so you can get like low, medium or high support depending on the size of your boobs or preference.
4
SPEAKER_02
Plus, the bra has adjustable straps and is so comfortable.
4
SPEAKER_02
Nike s Motiva walking shoes are smooth, they re cushioned, they re comfortable, they re great for like a daily walk.
4
SPEAKER_02
And what I like about them is they give you optimum support for every move every day.
4
SPEAKER_02
I have plantar fasciitis, and these are amazing for that.
4
SPEAKER_02
Both the Indie Bra and the Nike Motivas are the move.
4
SPEAKER_02
The Indie Bra just sculpts your body in a perfect way.
4
SPEAKER_02
I feel like we ve been talking a lot lately about tailored, well-fitting clothes, and this is it when it comes to athletic wear.
4
SPEAKER_02
Another thing that I love is they re both so durable, so you re getting high quality, flattering apparel that you can wash and wear over and over again.
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You ll just keep reaching for these staples just like me.
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Shop now at Nike.com.
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Again, that s Nike.com.
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You guys know that Lauren and I love trying to be the best version of ourselves, getting into the best headspace.
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And now we re so excited to talk to you about superhuman, which are activations in audio format and audio, obviously we love that help you reach your highest potential.
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Their activations are groundbreaking.
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It s a new type of audio.
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They re not meditations to be clear, and they re more energizing and specifically designed to transform you into your future self.
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What I love about these things is you can take them on a walk.
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You can listen to them while you re doing something else.
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It s a great way to multitask and also get into the right headspace.
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Lauren and I recently had Mimi Bouchard on the show, who s a founder of Superhuman, to talk all about the benefits of using and implementing activations into your daily life.
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What I love about the application is you can tailor it to your specific needs.
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So whether you want to feel more energized, whether you want to get a little bit more motivation in the day,
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If you want to get clarity around something that you ve been working on, or you just want something that s transformative, they have something for you.
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The app is really versatile and has something for everyone.
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So let me give you some examples of how you can use these activations.
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Maybe you want to earn a little bit more money.
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Maybe you want to get a little healthier.
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You want to get fitter.
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You want to get happier.
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These applications will be one of the best tools in your toolbox to help you get there.
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And it s way easier to implement into your routine and far more effective than any other audio app out there.
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Don t miss out on this crazy deal.
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They rarely do discounts, almost never.
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On top of the 14-day free trial, get over 60% off your subscription for a limited time only at
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activations.com slash skinny.
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There s literally no risk.
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If you change your mind and forget to cancel after the trial, you re covered by their money back guarantee.
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The offer is only available through their website, not the app store.
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That s activations.com slash skinny for over 60% off.
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And this offer expires soon.
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So act fast again, activations.com slash skinny.
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This episode is brought to you by Squarespace.
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Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online, whether you re just starting out or managing a growing brand.
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Squarespace makes it easy to create beautiful website, engage with your audience, and sell anything from products to content to time, all in one place, all on your own terms.
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I cannot say enough how important it is for you to own your own brand, your own online presence, your own channels.
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This is why I m so hesitant to rely on only third parties like social apps.
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that you don t control, that you have no say in, where you re constantly worried about an algorithm, and where you honestly have no ownership other than renting the channel that you re using from them.
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Lauren and I have been building our own channels online since the early days.
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We own our own websites, our own blogs, our own e-commerce channels.
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Even this podcast is owned on our own RSS feed.
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This is why I love Squarespace so much.
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It lets you own your own content, your own channel.
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So if you re somebody that s been thinking about building an online brand,
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and you don t know where to start, start with Squarespace.
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If you want to build a website or a blog where you speak to your community, that s a great place to start.
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If you want to build an e-com channel where you sell your products online, start with Squarespace.
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If you want to build a newsletter and manage all of your clients and contacts there, that s where you re going to want to do it as well.
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And like I said, it s so important to build on a platform that lets you own your own content and own your own channels.
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And of course, we have an offer just for our listeners.
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Head over to squarespace.com for a free trial.
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And when you re ready to launch, go to www.squarespace.com slash skinny to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.
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Again, that s www.squarespace.com slash skinny to save 10% off your first purchase.
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I look at it this way, like say that
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All three of us found a specific diet that if we followed, we knew we would live a radiant, healthy life.
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And we become like, okay, everyone s going to do this.
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But then a year from now, information comes out or a new perspective is shared.
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It s like, hey, actually there s something here that if you do this, your life expectancy will be cut by 20 years.
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We ve attached such a strong identity to that certain diet that we thought was great that we can t move off that position.
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That s what people do now, but they do it with a lot of other things.
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Right.
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And I think that way of thinking is insane and I think it s also a bit of a new way of thinking where growing up, you didn t have these dug-in groups and positions.
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Everyone s kind of like, okay, I got this side or that side or this person or that, but you re willing to move off ideas.
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Right.
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And I think social media is bad in this regard because it creates these pockets of communities where people dig in and make it about their identities.
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For sure.
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And then there s no separation.
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If somebody insults that diet, they re insulting you.
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When does this book come out so we can all read it?
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Because I think a lot of people need this book.
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I feel like it s going to be a real hit.
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Well, I think
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The reason that I m writing it is because I went back through my life and I thought about the through line, and almost everything I ve taken on, I ve been underqualified, an underdog, statistical improbability, and I think what the skill that is probably most
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prominently responsible for being able to reinvent and be successful in fields where I don t, you know, I m a novice or whatever, is this ability to authentically connect with another person.
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And that s what effective presence ultimately is about.
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And most people are in sort of autopilot, you know, and they re just, they re going in and they re meeting people for a meeting and they re not thinking about
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the human experience or what s happening with this other person.
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And, you know, my dad, he s a psychologist and he s co-writing this book with me, which is kind of a full circle moment because we had a tough relationship.
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But, you know, he says when you walk into a room with someone, you re not just walking, you re not just with them, you re with their parents and their exes and any
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boss that s ever fired them and this whole contingency of their history and their trauma and people that have rejected them or made them feel unworthy and it s your job in a couple minutes
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to let them know that you re not, that s not, you know, you re not with them, that you really authentically, you know, want to get to know this person and think that they are worthwhile.
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And the number one salesman in the Guinness Book of World Records is this car salesman.
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Okay.
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And he,
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This is this was his strategy.
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People would walk in and start talking to him and he would say, I like you.
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And then every year he would send them a card saying, I really like you.
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Like, how are you?
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Like it s it was it was so simple, you know, and I think we try to overcomplicate things.
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And I think we walk in with a lot of our own social fears.
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And the only way to truly connect with someone is
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to be a bit vulnerable, not over-vulnerable, right?
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Right.
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Someone comes in and they re like telling you every detail from when they were born.
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They re like, it was a stormy day.
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Or like telling you things that like
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I should know you for 10 years before you tell me that.
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Right, right, right.
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And I think Brene Brown talks about, you know, vulnerability without boundaries is not vulnerability.
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Vulnerability without boundaries is not vulnerability.
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That s a great quote.
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It is.
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Yeah, she s so smart and the work she does is so prolific.
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But it s not really a heavy lift and it doesn t rely on like,
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You know, there is this whole movement with EQ, which is mind-blowing research and I think so important.
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But with effective presence, you don t have to try to read social cues.
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Because even for the best person who can read social cues, it s pretty error ridden because people have a lot of shit going on.
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Right.
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You know, I mean, and it s like sometimes I ll get on a stage and I ll make a speech and it looks like everybody hates me.
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Like their expression is just, you know, it s like,
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they don t laugh at the jokes.
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And then I ll get off stage and people will come up to me and they ll be emotional.
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And it just shows me trying to read people and trying to figure that out for yourself is not the way.
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It s understanding how people work
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doing a real inventory of, you know, these are the factors of positive affective presence, these are the factors of negative affective presence, where are your strengths, where are your weaknesses, and starting to work on that.
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When does the book come out?
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Because you have to come back on the podcast and we have to do a whole episode on affective presence.
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Yeah, I would love to do that.
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Nine months.
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Nine months.
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Yeah.
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Always right.
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I would love to invite you back on and do a whole like, yeah, episode on effective presence.
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I would love to do that.
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In the meantime, where can everyone find you?
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I m sure there ll be a lot of people who will want to ask you questions because your story of everything you ve gone through.
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I know there s a lot of people listening who are going through IVF or freezing their eggs or embryos.
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I m sure they ll have questions.
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Yeah.
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So and I m so happy to share
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Everything, all my research, the best place right now I think is Instagram.
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And it s I m Molly Bloom, so I am, and then Molly Bloom.
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I m super excited for your book.
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I think that ll make an insane episode.
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Yeah.
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And I love, is that the title?
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No, it s not going to be the title.
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I m so bad at titles.
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I pick them at the very last minute.
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But maybe it s like a subtitle.
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Effective Presence is strong.
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Yeah, it is.
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And it s effective with an A. And it s so, there s like two scientific papers on it.
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And that s it.
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And one of them is on speed dating and the other one is on, I don t know, like cohorts in an office setting.
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And I just think it s so important because I think truly connecting with people, first of all,
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It makes you feel amazing.
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Yeah.
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And then second of all, it s massively predictive of how happy you re going to be, how well your relationships go, how well you re going to do in business.
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And it s not, it s a totally, it s a learnable skill.
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Open invite anytime.
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Go listen to the first episode with you too, you guys.
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It s if you haven t, it s one of my favorites.
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This one was very close to it.
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Thank you so much for coming on.
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Thank you, Molly.
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Thank you for having me.