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 Bring a little optimism into your life with The Bright Side, a new kind of daily podcast from Hello Sunshine, hosted by me, Danielle Robay.
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And me, Simone Boyce.
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Every weekday, we're bringing you conversations about culture, the latest trends, inspiration, and so much more.
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I am so excited about this podcast, The Bright Side.
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You guys are giving people a chance to shine a light on their lives, shine a light on a little advice that they want to share.
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 Listen to The Bright Side on America's number one podcast network, iHeart.
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Open your free iHeart app and search The Bright Side.
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A new season of Bridgerton is here.
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And with it, a new season of Bridgerton, the official podcast.
0
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I'm your host, Gabby Collins.
0
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And this season, we are bringing fans even deeper into the tun.
0
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Watch season three of the Shondaland series on Netflix.
0
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Then fall in love all over again by listening to Bridgerton, the official podcast.
0
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 on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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Subscribe to catch a new episode every Thursday.
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This is the story of how a group of people brought music back to Afghanistan by creating their own version of American Idol.
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The joy they brought to the nation.
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You're free completely.
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No one is there to destroy you.
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The danger they endured.
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They said my head should be cut off.
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 I'm John Legend.
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Listen to Afghan Star on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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If you're like me, you have a passion for people and a genuine interest in helping them find success and happiness.
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Perhaps your past year wasn't the best you've ever had, but you're not ready to give up the hope and belief that you can live your purpose and make a difference.
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As I find strength in my support network and seeing the impact I create in others, I know you have the potential to do the same.
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 I've designed the Jay Shetty Certification School to equip people like you with the skills and knowledge to find success and help others do the same through life coaching.
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To date, in the past year, almost 1,500 students have enrolled in our industry-recognized coaching program, and more than 150 have already graduated and are now practicing to guide clients to find fulfillment.
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Every day, our students and alumni tell me how the program changed their lives, made them feel they belong to something far bigger than themselves.
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The incredible assistance and safety net that the community of fellow students, program counselors, and support staff provide to make their journey special.
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They become part of an incredible family of like-minded people who share the same passion to serve others, a belonging that will last a lifetime.
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So ask yourself whether you're ready to become a part of our incredible family of life coaches.
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 If you are, visit jscheddycoaching.com to make an appointment with us today.
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Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world, thanks to each and every single one of you.
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 Now today I'm going to talk about something really close to my heart, something that's really important, something that we all struggle with, and something that I think really affects a lot of the people that I know personally, but also a lot of you that I know are listening.
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 Now, from our earliest days, we're focused on what others think of us, right?
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We observe our parents.
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We observe the people around us to determine what behavior they think is acceptable and what isn't.
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 and what parts of us and what parts of our personalities are acceptable and what aren't?
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How many times have you done something maybe goofy or funny and then looked around to seek validation?
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Or how many times have you done something crazy or maybe slightly disruptive and then wondered, wait, wait, wait, whatever I'm thinking, whatever I'm thinking, and then you start looking around?
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 Or how many times have you maybe wanted to do something, but you didn't do it because you could see the look in everyone's eyes, you could feel everyone's body language and energy, and it actually blocked you from doing what you wanted to do.
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Now, some of this is good.
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We need to learn to speak kindly to others, to not hit our family members and so on, right?
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There's positives in this.
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 Yet some of this obsession with others' opinions makes us suppress parts of our personality.
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As poet and essayist Robert Bly says, from a young age, we begin to take these elements of ourselves and our psyches and stuff them into the long bag we drag behind us.
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They live in our unconscious.
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 As we live, it becomes harder and harder to identify what is us and what we're just performing for others.
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In some ways, we become a character we're playing, a role like in a movie, and we continue to look to others for cues as to how to play it.
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How many times have you ever felt that before, where you feel like you're a character, you're somewhat of an actor, or maybe you've got so lost in acting that you've even forgotten, but take a moment to just step back for a moment
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 And reflect and ask yourself, how many times do you do something just because you know people like it when you do it?
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And is that the only reason?
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How many times do you act in a way around a certain group of people because you know it's accepted, because you know it's considered the right thing to do?
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I remember at one point in my life, I stopped being me because people would always say to me like, oh, you're too nice or you're too kind.
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And I saw that as a negative.
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I started to see that as a bad thing.
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 And when I recently moved to LA around two and a half years ago, I said to myself that I was always going to wear my heart on my sleeve and I was always going to tell people how I truly felt.
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And then that would put the ball in their court about whether they wanted to respond with love and affection and kindness or not.
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 And so it's a real process and it's a consistent process to take off the outfit and the disguise and stop the dress rehearsal and truly be ourselves.
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 Why is this relevant right now?
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Why am I talking about it today?
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It's because with the global pandemic, it feels like just about everything we've known and been used to has been tossed into the air.
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Routines and even patterns of thinking have been disrupted.
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It's disorientating, but it's also an incredible opportunity to let some of it stay gone and in its place put new behaviors and habits.
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So it's almost like we've been given a new opportunity to redefine ourselves.
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 And I always saw transitions in life as great times to redefine ourselves.
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I'll give you an example of what I mean by that.
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I gave up drinking alcohol after my 18th birthday.
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And I gave it up because I didn't
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 enjoy the way I behaved when I was drunk.
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I also didn't really enjoy the feeling.
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I think that I used to drink only out of like ego and competition and drinking games and all that kind of stuff.
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And I didn't ever enjoy the taste of alcohol.
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And so I gave it up.
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But what's really interesting is that I gave it up when that's what people knew me as.
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 So when I gave up drinking alcohol, it was really hard because all my friends expected me to drink.
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And that's why it's easier to change in a transition.
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So for example, when you go from high school to college, when you go from college to work, when you go from work to another job, when you go from one relationship to another, you get to redefine who you are in that new space, new relationship, new opportunity.
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 Whereas when you're trying to redefine yourself in the same opportunity, in the same place that you're in right now, it's not that it's impossible, it's that it's a bit harder.
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So the pandemic has been massively transformative for each and every one of us, right?
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We've been more distanced from people.
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 everyone's gone through some life-changing experience and moment.
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And therefore, to come out evolved on the other side, to come out different, to come out with different likes, different likes, sorry, different things that you like, different preferences, having a completely unique view to a situation that you wouldn't have thought of it about that way before, it becomes more acceptable because everyone's had a life-changing experience.
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 So because we've just been through the pandemic, you almost have an opportunity to redefine who you want to be and reprioritize.
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So the most powerful and effective way to do this is to learn to stop leaning on the opinions and expectations of others to craft our lives.
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 and instead start living for who we really are and what we really want.
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And now presents a very unique opportunity to do that because people wouldn't be surprised if people have changed.
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Often what's hardest about change is we're scared of how surprised people will feel, right?
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How many times have you felt that where
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 You are scared that someone's response is going to be, oh my gosh, you have changed so much.
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You're a totally different person.
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And we don't want to make people feel that way because we feel slightly insecure about the person we're becoming because we don't have a clear picture yet.
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 You may know who you are right now, but you don't have a clear vision of who you're becoming, and so who you're becoming is an unsteady state, and you don't want to add any more weight from someone else onto that unsteady state, so you'd rather just not rock the boat.
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 and continue being the same.
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But when everyone's had a massively different situation, if you come back and say, hey, by the way, you know what?
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I stopped doing this.
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Hey, you know what?
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The pandemic got me to start doing this.
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It's actually much easier for that person to digest.
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I want to share with you a study that I've read recently by the Yale University researchers who are looking at how children learn.
0
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And in one part of the study, they had a plastic box with a toy turtle in it.
0
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 Children watched while an adult removed the toy from the box.
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Only the adult didn't open the lid and take the toy out of the box, as you and I would have done.
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They added a bunch of extra unnecessary motions, like tapping the box at the top before they did anything.
0
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 When children were asked to take the toy out of the box, they mimicked the adults' actions, even the unnecessary ones.
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And even when they knew those actions weren't necessary to retrieving the toy, they kept doing it.
0
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Researchers then changed the situation by giving the kids a time limit to take the toy out of the box.
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And even then, most of the children included the unnecessary steps.
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 From the youngest ages, we learn by imitating others, and it can be extremely difficult to shake that habit.
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That's how much the opinions and the approaches of others affect us.
0
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When we see someone approaching a problem a certain way, now when we do it in front of them, we do it the same way.
0
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 because we have something known as confirmation bias or groupthink bias.
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And so we have a bias that wants us to conform with how it's done because it makes us feel safe.
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It makes us feel a sense of belonging.
0
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And those are all positive feelings, but not when they take us away from our true intuition, right?
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Maybe your intuition
0
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 is to approach a problem with a completely different set of eyes, but you limit that because you think it has to be thought about a certain way.
0
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And this is where all of our issues start.
0
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This is where all of our challenges start as children, because that's how we learn.
0
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 One of the things that I've loved doing in my life is studying the biographies and autobiographies of people that I've been moved by.
0
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I was sharing with someone else the other day that people like Martin Luther King, people like Mother Teresa, people like Malcolm X, these individuals
0
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 you can associate with the way they think.
0
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You can expose yourself to their ideas and thought processes by reading about them.
0
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And what that does is it stops you from living in a conformed way because all these people battled against conformity in the grandest of scales.
0
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 So how do we do this?
0
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There's two extremes.
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One extreme is you listen to everyone's opinion.
0
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And a lot of us do that.
0
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How many of you know a friend who, when they have an issue in their life, they go up to every single person
0
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 They tell every single person about the issue, and then they ask you as well.
0
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And then you try and give them good advice, and then you realize there's another 10, 20 people giving them advice.
0
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And now all of a sudden, you don't want to give advice because you're like, well, you just asked everyone.
0
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And that person's also confused because they have 20 opinions on a really intimate part of their life.
0
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Like, should I date this guy?
0
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Like, is this job right for me?
0
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 Should I be mad at this person?
0
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It's such a personal, intimate question, but now there's 20 people's opinions around it.
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How many of you have a friend or how many of you are that friend that does that?
0
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The other extreme is that you ask no one for their opinion.
0
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 This is also dangerous sometimes, because when you ask no one for their opinion, you try and figure out everything by yourself.
0
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And that can be hard too, because sometimes you need insight.
0
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And here's the difference with asking for advice.
0
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No one can tell you what to do.
0
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But many people can share with you how they thought about it, right?
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I can't tell you what to do.
0
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 I can't make your decision for you, and no one should make your decision for you.
0
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But what someone can do is share with you their thought process of how they think about this situation.
0
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And that's what you want to ask.
0
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When you ask a question next time to gain someone's opinion in your life, don't ask them what you should do, because that's always our number one question.
0
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Hey, what do you think I should do?
0
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 Hey, what would you do in this scenario?
0
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We want to know what we should do rather than how we should think about it.
0
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How should I approach this?
0
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And that's the question you want to ask.
0
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This is the big takeaway right now.
0
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This is the biggest takeaway so far in this podcast.
0
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I want you to write it down, is this idea that stop asking people what to do.
0
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Hey, what job do you think I should say?
0
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Hey, do you think this job is right for me?
0
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Hey, do you think this girl or guy is the right person for me to be with?
0
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No.
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No.
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 No.
0
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What to do is the wrong question.
0
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The right question is, hey, how would you think about this?
0
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Hey, how do you approach this kind of dilemma?
0
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Hey, how do you think about this?
0
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So, I'll come back to that point again, but the first step in trying to navigate people's opinions is to not ask a bunch of people what they do or what you should do, but asking them, hey, how would you approach this?
0
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 First, we need to start from a place of worthiness and compassion.
0
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 When we're kids and we start this behavior of looking to others for what to do, it's because of a deep survival instinct.
0
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We need our caregivers to continue to care for us and not reject us.
0
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And this pattern lives deep within our brain.
0
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As I've mentioned in previous podcasts, our brain is so wired for us to fit in that for most of us, it actually sends out a distress signal when we disagree
0
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 with the group.
0
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That's why we create echo chambers and why we have what I was saying before, confirmation bias.
0
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We're compelled to seek out opinions of people who agree with us and be where we fit in to stay there.
0
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Simply acknowledging that it's in our wiring to conform and to look to others for how to be is important because it will be hard to change.
0
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To break our addiction to approval,
0
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 Be compassionate with yourself about it, but also understand that wiring can be updated, and what that takes is training.
0
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It takes practice and repetition.
0
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So the first step is being clear with yourself about your intention to stop relying on the opinions of others in making your decisions, and then acknowledge that it will take some effort to accomplish this.
0
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So it's important to be determined, but also patient and compassionate with yourself.
0
SPEAKER_07
 When you find that bright spot to help you get through your day, it's powerful.
0
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That's where The Bright Side comes in.
0
SPEAKER_08
A new daily podcast from Hello Sunshine that's bringing you a daily dose of joy.
0
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I'm Danielle Robay.
0
SPEAKER_07
And I'm Simone Boyce.
0
SPEAKER_07
Listen, both Danielle and I are reporters.
0
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We've covered the news and we know the world can feel heavy, but The Bright Side podcast is a space to have a little fun, to learn something new and get into some friendly debates.
0
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 That's right.
0
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Join us five days a week to see how life can look from the bright side.
0
SPEAKER_07
We'll hear from celebrities, authors, experts and listeners like you, whether it's relationships, friend advice or figuring out how to navigate life's transitions.
0
SPEAKER_07
We'll talk through it all together.
0
SPEAKER_08
Listen to the bright side from Hello Sunshine every weekday on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
0
SPEAKER_05
 Hey everyone, this is Molly and Matt and we're the hosts of Grown Up Stuff How to Adult, a podcast from Ruby Studio and iHeart Podcasts.
0
SPEAKER_03
It's a show dedicated to helping you figure out the trickiest parts of adulting.
0
SPEAKER_05
Like how to start planning for retirement, creating a healthy skincare routine, understanding when and how much to tip someone, and so much more.
0
SPEAKER_03
 We're back with season two of the podcast, which means more opportunities to glow up and become a more responsible and better adult, one life lesson at a time.
0
SPEAKER_05
And let me just tell you, this show is just as much for us as it is for you.
0
SPEAKER_05
So let's figure this stuff out together.
0
SPEAKER_05
This season, we're going to talk about whether or not we're financially and emotionally ready for dog ownership.
0
SPEAKER_03
 We're going to figure out the benefits of a high yield savings account.
0
SPEAKER_05
And what exactly are the duties of being a member of the wedding party?
0
SPEAKER_03
All that plus so much more.
0
SPEAKER_05
Let's learn about all of it and then some.
0
SPEAKER_05
Listen to Grown Up Stuff How to Adult on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
0
SPEAKER_04
 A new season of Bridgerton is here.
0
SPEAKER_04
And with it, a new season of Bridgerton, the official podcast.
0
SPEAKER_04
I'm your host, Gabrielle Collins.
0
SPEAKER_04
And this season, we are bringing fans even deeper into the ton.
0
SPEAKER_04
Colin Bridgerton has returned from his travels abroad.
0
SPEAKER_04
Is Betrothal written in the stars for the eligible bachelor?
0
SPEAKER_04
 Meanwhile, the ton is reverberating with speculation of who holds Lady Whistledown's pen.
0
SPEAKER_04
We're discussing it all.
0
SPEAKER_04
I sit down with Nicola Coughlin, Luke Newton, Shonda Rhimes, and more to offer an exclusive peek behind the scenes of each episode of the new season.
0
SPEAKER_04
Watch season three of the Shondaland series on Netflix.
0
SPEAKER_04
Then,
0
SPEAKER_04
 Fall in love all over again by listening to Bridgerton, the official podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
0
SPEAKER_04
Subscribe to catch a new episode every Thursday.
0
SPEAKER_01
 We are relying on other people's opinions because it's easier to let someone tell us what to do, right?
0
SPEAKER_01
And it's easier in the short term, at least.
0
SPEAKER_01
In the long term, we end up resenting them.
0
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We end up hating them.
0
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And this is one thing I've always thought about when I'm asking people for advice and when I've been
0
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 when I'm compelled to ask someone for their opinion is, you know what, every time you follow someone's opinion just because you think they have the right opinion or the right answer, it's actually the worst decision because in the long term it actually ruins your relationship with them.
0
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I'll share with you when I first moved to LA and when I started really getting serious about my podcast, my work, my purpose, I've never known a family member in the entertainment industry.
0
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 I've never known anyone who's been a manager or an agent or that sort of career.
0
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I just never came across that growing up in London, especially with the people that I grew up around.
0
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And so when I came here, I really thought that there'd be people here that I was like, oh, that person would know more than me.
0
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They've done it more.
0
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And sometimes I let people make decisions for me.
0
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And I've always regretted that because they weren't me and they didn't know me.
0
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And it was my fault.
0
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I have to take responsibility and accountability for that.
0
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 Because every time your mind says to you to ask someone, hey, what do you think I should do?
0
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Ask yourself, well, no, what do you think I should do?
0
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How do I feel about that?
0
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That's how we learn to trust ourselves.
0
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So many of us have a root issue that we don't trust ourselves because we've never asked ourselves what we think.
0
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We've never thought about it that way and therefore we've never approached it that way.
0
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 The second thing is we need to understand that the reason we often look to others' opinions is because we don't think we can trust our own, right?
0
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That's one of the biggest issues, is this idea of trust.
0
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 A friend of mine was teaching a class and afterwards a student came up to her.
0
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She knew him to be a kind and sensitive person and he confessed to her that he was really struggling to be compassionate with himself.
0
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She asked him, do you believe that everyone is worthy of love and compassion?
0
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Yes, I do, he nodded.
0
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She smiled and said, so then everyone but you?
0
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 He laughed.
0
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He'd never thought about it like that before.
0
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When we're willing to be compassionate with others, and when we're willing to trust and listen to others, in some cases, people we barely know, we're essentially saying, I should listen to everyone but me.
0
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This is actually an issue of imbalanced ego.
0
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When we feel better than others, and when we feel worse than others,
0
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 Being able to trust yourself starts with this basic and critical acknowledgement that you are a safe place for yourself.
0
SPEAKER_01
We talk about being able to be vulnerable with other people, but can we be open and honest and vulnerable with ourselves?
0
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If we're running negative scripts that say we don't trust ourselves and our own knowing, we're not psychologically safe.
0
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That cuts us off from our own intuition and makes it harder to be honest,
0
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 with ourselves and to guide ourselves.
0
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And so I really want you to think about how do you build up trust with yourself, right?
0
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Because you build up trust with yourself by asking yourself in difficult situations, hey, what do I think I should do?
0
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And going with your decision and continuing to refine that process.
0
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So next time you're thinking about what to wear, when you go out, start with the small stuff.
0
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 Instead of asking your roommate or instead of asking a friend, what do you think I should wear or your partner, look in the mirror and ask yourself, what do I want to wear?
0
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How do I want to feel today?
0
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How does this make me feel when I wear it?
0
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And wear that.
0
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Next time you're trying to figure out what to do for dinner and you're thinking, oh no, I'll let my partner decide.
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I'll just let them order for me.
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I'll just let them pick up something on Postmates.
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Ask yourself, what do I want to do?
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How do I want to feel today?
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It's so powerful when you start to trust your decision-making process
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 And you start with the smaller things, and then you build up from there.
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That's how you start building trust with yourself.
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So when I decided I want to be a monk, everyone around me was like, Jay, this is the worst decision ever.
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But because I learned to trust myself about smaller decisions, I was convinced it was the right one.
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The same thing happened when I left being a monk.
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 The same thing happened when I joined the corporate world.
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People were like, Jay, you've just been a monk.
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How can you be in the corporate world?
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The same thing happened when I left the corporate world to pursue what I do today.
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And people are like, Jay, why do you want to teach meditation?
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You have a good job in the corporate world.
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It's always going to be that way.
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And you learn to trust yourself.
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 Now, when we rely on the opinions of others, it's like we're in a sailboat without a rudder or a motor.
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We go whichever way the tide or the winds of others' opinions blow us.
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When we have those tools, when we have that rudder and that motor, we have the ability to steer our own boat in spite of the tides and weather.
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We can choose to go with them, but we also have the option to go our own way.
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 Our rudder is our values and our motor is intrinsic motivation.
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We must connect with both to have these tools at our disposal.
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So the next step is that we need to connect with our values.
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I've talked several times before and written in my book, Think Like a Monk, about how to do this.
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 The simplest way is to set aside 30 minutes or so for deep reflection to list all of our values.
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Then rank them starting with the most important.
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Then describe your intrinsic motivation.
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What drives you from deep inside?
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 caring for your family, helping others, learning.
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I literally want you to do this right now.
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So grab a piece of paper and a pen and do this activity right now, or take a screenshot of where you are in the podcast and come back to this, because this is going to really help you start to trust yourself and start to really focus on your own opinions.
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 Now, you cannot steer your own boat without these tools.
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And I will tell you, for everyone who fears loss of control, who feels insecure in their lives and is worried about the future, which is pretty much all of us, we can never know for sure what will happen in the future.
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But having these tools in place will help you navigate any storm.
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And simply knowing that provides a sense of calm and reassurance in every aspect of life.
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 and knowing that it may not be easy, but that you can figure it out.
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 The next step is to recognize something that's really, really important.
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Other people, even very intelligent and accomplished people, are often wrong.
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According to the website modernfix.com, Bill Gates once declared his company would never make a 32-bit operating system.
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Windows 10, the latest version, is 64 bits.
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The New York Times declared a rocket would never be able to leave the Earth's atmosphere.
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 We know how that went.
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Charlie Chaplin once said movies were just a fad that wouldn't last.
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Albert Einstein said we'd never be able to create and harness nuclear energy.
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IBM executives told people who went on to found Xerox that the market for photocopiers was too small to be worthwhile.
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The chief of the British post office said that there was no need of telephone when human messengers would do.
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And ironically, Napoleon said ships would never be able to sail against the wind.
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 Maybe he was deeply in touch with his own deep values and motivations.
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But the idea is that we all cannot see what's possible, right?
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No matter how smart we are, no matter how intelligent we are, if someone told me five years ago that I'd be doing what I'm doing with my life today, I wouldn't have believed it.
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If someone told me I would have become a monk 12 years ago, I wouldn't have believed it.
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If someone told me I would leave being a monk, I wouldn't have believed it.
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So there are so many false beliefs that we
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 hold true because of other people's opinions and our own opinions.
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We're human.
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And so of course we make mistakes in our calculations and predictions sometimes.
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But something that's really important to recognize is that especially among the examples above, when people make these predictions or give us advice, they
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 not only have gotten it wrong, they've had to be speaking from their own unconscious fear.
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The British post office officials would have been threatened by the idea of the telephone becoming popular.
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Similarly, Thomas Edison once said that alternating current would never be viable, and yet that's what's powering this podcast studio right now.
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Edison had invested heavily in direct current, and so the idea of alternating current taking over was a huge fear for him.
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 Have you ever had a parent or friend advise you against taking a risk?
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Starting your own company, moving across country, asking that person to marry you.
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Often they're speaking from their fear for you and your well-being.
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Or they're speaking from their own fear of being able to take leaps for themselves.
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So it's important to understand people often aren't in touch with their own deep motivations for the advice they give you.
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 I remember asking my monk teachers whether I should try and spread wisdom through media.
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And their honest response was, Jay, we don't know about media.
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We leave it to you to figure that out.
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It was such an open and honest answer.
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And I appreciate it so much now because I recognize that they weren't trying to project their feelings.
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 Today I feel very encouraged and supported by the monks who were able to give me that advice early on and now their appreciation for what I'm trying to do in the world.
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But it's so fascinating to me to think that we often just think that just because we love someone and respect someone that they should know what the right advice is for us.
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 The next step is a bit counterintuitive, which is to not try and stop caring what everyone else thinks.
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First, it's not realistic.
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Again, we're wired to take the temperature of others around us to see how our behavior is impacting other people, and that's not a bad thing.
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So when people say, oh, well, don't care what anyone else thinks,
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 It's cool, but it doesn't actually work because when you try not to care what anyone else thinks, you're now caring about what they don't think, right?
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And it just gets complicated.
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So also there are real and valid reasons we want to check in with others.
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Self-awareness is massive, but we all have blind spots and others can help us see there and reflect back to us what we're missing.
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 But it's only by knowing ourselves deeply that we can gauge the validity and value of what others tell us.
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It's like our values and motivations can serve as a filter for others' advice and opinions.
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What we want to do is to be thoughtful about whose advice matters and in what context.
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As I write and think like a monk, I wouldn't ask my mom for advice on business decisions.
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I adore her and I ask her advice on other things, but that's not her area of strength and expertise.
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 But if I was to get a mortgage or I was doing some life planning because my mom's a financial advisor, I would take advice on those areas.
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I advise you to actually make a list of key areas in your life.
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I want you to do this right now.
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Make a list of all the key areas in your life and what people or sources you look to for reliable advice or insights.
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 For example, I might look to my wife, Radhi, when I want additional insights on nutrition, healthcare, wellness.
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She's phenomenal at that.
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She always cares deeply about me and I trust her, but I'm not going to talk to her about social media or I'm not going to talk to her about this podcast.
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Now, who do you look to for personal advice, for business and financial advice, for spiritual advice, for relationship advice?
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 you need to realize and check in with saying, okay, well, do I have the right people in my life to go to for these various things?
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But again, you still need to filter all of this advice through your own deep connection to yourself.
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When Tobias Luker went to Venture Capitalist with his idea for an e-commerce platform, everyone told him that he'd have to move his company to Silicon Valley in order to be successful.
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But he was convinced the company could run successfully from Canada and he refused to give in.
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 After all, none of these investors knew the country and its resources like he did.
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Today, Shopify is worth billions of dollars, and it's based in Ottawa, Canada.
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And that's another point.
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Deep down, most of these venture capitalists didn't really believe in Lukka's ability to pull off his idea, and so took their advice with a grain of salt.
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In doing that, Lukka was following a key rule of good decision-making, believe people who believe in you, and drop the advice of those who don't.
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 This doesn't mean that those advisors or venture capitalists were wrong.
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It's just that they didn't know what he knew.
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People who believe in you will want you to succeed, and so they'll give you the best advice they have.
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That doesn't mean you'll always take it, but it's definitely far more worth considering than anything that comes from people who don't believe in you, who don't know you and don't know what you're capable of, who don't understand and what motivates you.
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 The last step.
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I mentioned at the top of the podcast that learning to not look to others' opinions involves retraining our brains, and that's our last step.
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What happens when you want to look to others' opinions?
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Track it right now.
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Imagine it.
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You want to see what others are doing or saying or wearing, or you want to check in with someone and what happens?
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Chances are you reach for your phone.
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In those critical seconds, we need to train a pause.
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Instead of going on to autopilot, we need to stop and think just two words.
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 Ask me.
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Even put a poster on your phone or make it your background.
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That's a cue to stop.
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And before looking externally, look internally.
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Ask yourself first.
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Take a pause.
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Take a deep breath in and out.
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And imagine you're texting yourself or sitting down at a table with yourself on the other side.
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And you're asking yourself this question.
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You're asking your own opinion.
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 This is a mental tool that switches you into observer mode.
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It helps you step back and create some mental distance so you can see what you really think and believe about what you should do.
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 It broadens your perspective and gives your own intuition a chance to speak, and you may be surprised by the answer.
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You can also do this in meditation.
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Sit down in a comfortable position, close your eyes, breathe deeply, and imagine asking yourself your question.
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Then simply wait for the reply.
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When you come up on a response, that's true and right for you.
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You'll feel it in your body.
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 It will feel like a deep connection or a relaxation or an excitement or like something just clicked.
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And then repeat, repeat, repeat this action until it becomes a habit, until it becomes second nature to ask yourself first.
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You can always get additional insights from those trusted advisors and sources, but if you want to live a life in deep harmony and alignment with yourself, this is a practice that will help you do that.
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 And here's a final thought.
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One of the reasons we seek the advice of others is because we're afraid to fail.
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But in most cases, failure isn't an end or a tragedy unless we make it one.
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It's simply a learning experience.
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As writer Edna St.
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Vincent Millay once said, I'm glad that I paid so little attention to good advice.
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Had I abided by it, I might have been saved from some of my most valuable mistakes.
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 Even if our own advice and our own course of action is wrong, quote unquote, sometimes, that's okay.
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Adversity and challenges are how we grow.
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Our only job is to do our best.
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If we fail, but we're still in alignment with our values and our internal motivation, there's no real loss, only the gain of experience and wisdom.
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 Thank you so much for listening to On Purpose today.
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It would mean the world if you leave a review.
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If you enjoyed today, it would mean the most for me to hear how you found it.
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I can't wait to hear what you think about this one.
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Tag me on Instagram, let me know what you're learning.
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I'll see you on the next one.
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 This podcast was produced by Dust Light Productions.
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Our executive producer from Dust Light is Misha Yusuf.
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Our senior producer is Juliana Bradley.
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Our associate producer is Jacqueline Castillo.
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Valentino Rivera is our engineer.
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Our music is from Blue Dot Sessions.
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And special thanks to Rachel Garcia, the Dust Light Development and Operations Coordinator.
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 Hey everyone, this is Molly and Matt, and we're the hosts of Grown Up Stuff How to Adult, a podcast from Ruby Studio and iHeart Podcasts.
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It's a show dedicated to helping you figure out the trickiest parts of adulting.
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Like how to start planning for retirement, creating a healthy skincare routine, understanding when and how much to tip someone, and so much more.
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Let's learn about all of it and then some.
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Listen to Grown Up Stuff How to Adult on America's number one podcast network, iHeart.
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Open your free iHeart app and search Grown Up Stuff.
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 At one of the most famous restaurants in the world, there's a table in the corner where the most incredible conversations on the planet are happening every week with owner Ruthie Rogers and amazing guests like Martha Stewart, Jimmy Fallon, and Paul McCartney.
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 We've saved you a seat.
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Listen to Ruthie's Table 4 on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.
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 Discover a new educational and interactive podcast, Stories for Kids by Lingokids.
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Our episodes are packed with fun activities.
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Right, Elliot?
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Oh, yes.
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