0
SPEAKER_02
Call from?
0
SPEAKER_02
Lily?
0
SPEAKER_00
Hello?
0
SPEAKER_02
Hi.
0
SPEAKER_00
What is your name?
0
SPEAKER_02
Oh, Lily.
0
SPEAKER_00
Lily.
0
SPEAKER_00
What s going on, Lily?
0
SPEAKER_00
How can I get you today?
0
SPEAKER_02
Um, I need some advice on a, like, a relationship issue that I ve been having.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_00
How old are you, Lily?
0
SPEAKER_02
I m 23.
0
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_00
Uh, I mean, I ll try my best, dude.
0
SPEAKER_00
All these relationship calls, I fucking don t know what I m talking about, but go ahead.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, no, no worries.
0
SPEAKER_02
Um, so my boyfriend recently quit his job.
0
SPEAKER_02
And he he kind of like ultimately wants to be like a stay at home figure kinda.
0
SPEAKER_02
And I don t mind that I make enough at my job that like, that s not really an issue.
0
SPEAKER_02
But my issue is that he won t like clean
0
SPEAKER_02
or keep up with any other household related stuff while he s also at home.
0
SPEAKER_00
Dude, hold on.
0
SPEAKER_00
Hold on, hold on.
0
SPEAKER_00
Your boyfriend quit his job so that you could bankroll him?
0
SPEAKER_02
No, not necessarily.
0
SPEAKER_02
We ve been together for more than a few years at this point.
0
SPEAKER_02
um okay what do you mean not necessarily uh it s it s kind of been like a pre-established thing of like the direction we directions like we want to go in our lives and i i kind of always aspired to make enough money to support myself
0
SPEAKER_00
The people around me if that makes sense Yeah, hold on so when you say not necessarily Tell me tell me exactly what that means because it sounds like your boyfriend quit his job so you could bankroll him No
0
SPEAKER_02
I mean, okay, kinda, yeah, I guess, maybe a little.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay, so your boyfriend quit his job so that you could bankroll him.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_00
Are you financially supporting your boyfriend?
0
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_00
Now tell me why, like, why was that so difficult for you to admit?
0
SPEAKER_02
Cause I m in, I m in denial with myself a little, a little bit maybe.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_00
How long have you been with your boyfriend?
0
SPEAKER_02
About three years now.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_00
What does he do for you while you bankroll him?
0
SPEAKER_02
Well, he s supposed to take care of the house and, you know, like laundry and like, you know, like homemaker responsibilities per se.
0
SPEAKER_00
What does that mean exactly?
0
SPEAKER_00
Take care of the house.
0
SPEAKER_00
Like he s going to like cook for you and clean the house and water the plants.
0
SPEAKER_02
Oh yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_00
Has he been doing those things?
0
SPEAKER_02
No.
0
SPEAKER_02
And that s the issue.
0
SPEAKER_00
How old is your boyfriend?
0
SPEAKER_02
He is also 23.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_00
And when he said, babe, I m going to quit my job and take care of the plants.
0
SPEAKER_00
What did you say?
0
SPEAKER_02
There s some back story to it, but at that point I was alright with it and understanding of it.
0
SPEAKER_02
It s been a pretty difficult couple of years for him in general.
0
SPEAKER_02
His father passed kind of suddenly fairly recently.
0
SPEAKER_02
And he lost a couple of their close family members in relation to that in a short period of time.
0
SPEAKER_02
And, uh, yeah, he, I don t know, just need some support.
0
SPEAKER_02
Uh, when we met, I also needed a lot of support.
0
SPEAKER_02
I was a homeless when we met and he kind of like helped me through that.
0
SPEAKER_00
So it kind of like, so there was a period of time where he was financially supporting you.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_00
And when you say take care of the house, I mean, do you guys have a kid together?
0
SPEAKER_02
Uh, no, we have like cats, but definitely not children.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_00
Listen, dude, I don t want to get into why can t he work a job by himself?
0
SPEAKER_02
And I guess that s also a question.
0
SPEAKER_02
I don t know.
0
SPEAKER_00
There s this dude.
0
SPEAKER_00
I ve been I ve been very inspired lately.
0
SPEAKER_00
There s this guy.
0
SPEAKER_00
I m going to shout this guy out.
0
SPEAKER_00
There s this dude on YouTube.
0
SPEAKER_00
His name is Caleb Hammer.
0
SPEAKER_00
And he does these and I don t I have no idea why people agree to go hunt on his show because it s just him yelling at them.
0
SPEAKER_00
And I ve been watching, and I m like, I should yell at people more, a little bit.
0
SPEAKER_00
So I m inspired by him, and I m not gonna yell at you, but, dude.
0
SPEAKER_00
So this guy, I mean, if this dude quit his job so that you could bankroll him, and he s not even doing, like, the bare minimum of what he said he would do, that s a problem.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
And plus, you guys are only 23, like, he should desire to have his own life at 23 and not be getting bankrolled by you.
0
SPEAKER_00
And you, also at 23, should be, like, financially, like, setting yourself up to be in a good position instead of bankrolling your boyfriend who s not even taking care of his minor responsibilities.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
0
SPEAKER_02
I agree that that is fair.
0
SPEAKER_00
So, so why are you doing this?
0
SPEAKER_02
Uh, again, I don t know.
0
SPEAKER_02
Generally, I feel like financially comfortable enough to do it.
0
SPEAKER_02
And I also feel like, again, like some of it s kind of tied back to how much he helped me out, like when I was homeless when we first met and kind of how, how all that played out.
0
SPEAKER_00
I mean, do you want to, I mean, here s another thing I like about Caleb Hammer s show.
0
SPEAKER_00
He gets into specifics.
0
SPEAKER_00
Do you want to get into specifics?
0
SPEAKER_00
Like, like you don t have to tell me how much money you make if you don t want to, but you re, you say you re making enough to support two people.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_02
It s close to like, like a hundred to one, one 10 K a year or so.
0
SPEAKER_00
And where do you live?
0
SPEAKER_02
Uh, Denver, Colorado.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_00
Um, I still think that, you know what I ve been trying, you know what, dude, I m, I, I ve been trying really hard.
0
SPEAKER_00
Cause I feel like the whole point of my show sometimes is like, I m just going to stay neutral while people tell me stuff, but I can t, I can t keep doing that, dude.
0
SPEAKER_00
You can t bankroll your boyfriend.
0
SPEAKER_00
You can t do that.
0
SPEAKER_02
Okay, okay, that s fair.
0
SPEAKER_00
I mean, again, I don t feel good saying that, because it s your fucking life, you do whatever you want.
0
SPEAKER_00
But if you re calling me and you re asking me what I think about the situation, I think it s a horrible idea.
0
SPEAKER_02
Okay, okay, I understand.
0
SPEAKER_02
So from here, should I perhaps set up a conversation about different expectations in terms of that?
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, totally.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
Tell him, and by the way, by the way, I mean this, if you love this guy, do you love this guy?
0
SPEAKER_02
I, yeah, yeah, I do.
0
SPEAKER_00
Do you want him to have a good life?
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
Then tell him to get a fucking job and build his own life and not have be on your payroll.
0
SPEAKER_00
Cause that s, what s going to make his life better more than you paying for him to exist.
0
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_02
All right.
0
SPEAKER_02
That s fair.
0
SPEAKER_02
I would agree with that.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_00
Anything else about this situation?
0
SPEAKER_02
Not this one specifically.
0
SPEAKER_02
If you need to get on to another caller, I understand.
0
SPEAKER_02
If you want to hear about my mom, that s also something exciting.
0
SPEAKER_00
I m down to hear about your mom.
0
SPEAKER_00
What s up with your mom?
0
SPEAKER_00
I m on a roll right now, by the way, so I might tell your mom to go fuck herself or congratulations.
0
SPEAKER_00
I don t know what the situation is, but go ahead.
0
SPEAKER_02
I mean, I would say go fuck yourself.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay, what s the situation with your mom?
0
SPEAKER_02
So also kind of connected to this.
0
SPEAKER_02
Growing up, my mom initially was a great mom.
0
SPEAKER_02
My dad kind of peaced out when I was like 14 or 15.
1
SPEAKER_00
or so, moved to another state suddenly.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then my mom kind of lost her shit completely and started doing a lot of coke and other nefarious substances.
1
SPEAKER_00
And it spiraled a lot of shit out of control for a minute.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I ended up moving out at a young age
1
SPEAKER_00
Hence kind of my predicament when I first met my boyfriend.
1
SPEAKER_00
Um, and then we got together and then my mom showed up at my door one day and, uh, we ended up talking and I let her move in, which wasn t the best idea in hindsight.
1
SPEAKER_00
Uh, we had a one bedroom apartment at the time and she ended up crashing on the couch in the living room.
1
SPEAKER_00
And she was sober when she first moved in, started reusing substances about like halfway through into like month two or so.
1
SPEAKER_00
And we re fairly certain she tried to poison us.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m sorry.
1
SPEAKER_02
She tried to poison you.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
I guess some context on that.
1
SPEAKER_00
We never have tea or sugar or anything in the house usually.
1
SPEAKER_00
At that point in our lives, we were living off dollar store food for the most part.
1
SPEAKER_00
But first apartment, everything getting established from ground zero.
1
SPEAKER_00
We didn t have tea, anything like that.
1
SPEAKER_00
Came home from work one day.
1
SPEAKER_00
And she had made sweet blackberry tea.
1
SPEAKER_00
And it was like very dark purple, almost black.
1
SPEAKER_00
And she was like, hey guys, I made y all some sweet tea.
1
SPEAKER_00
Would really appreciate if y all had some of it.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m really proud of it.
1
SPEAKER_00
Really like pushing us to drink the tea.
1
SPEAKER_00
I had about like a half sip of it and then ended up spitting it into the sink because it was like
1
SPEAKER_00
so unbelievably sweet that it just like, I spit it out, it was like gross.
1
SPEAKER_00
And we didn t, again, like still didn t have any like black tea, sugar, anything to make it like dark blue, purple, anything like that.
1
SPEAKER_00
And we re fairly certain that there was antifreeze in it.
1
SPEAKER_00
My boyfriend did end up drinking some of it, because he thought that it was just like an overreaction.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then he ended up in the ER for a couple of days.
1
SPEAKER_00
Uh, with very severe, uh, like kidney, uh, uh, intestinal issues and stuff like that.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then moving forward from that, uh, my mom just kept pushing buttons.
1
SPEAKER_00
Uh, his dad had recently passed away and she would call my ex-husband on speakerphone and, uh, tell him how like his dad must ve been a piece of shit for like raising
1
SPEAKER_00
somebody like that, which was completely unwarranted.
1
SPEAKER_00
And, uh, because obviously, like, she had never, like, met him or anything like that, uh, at that, uh, like, ever.
1
SPEAKER_00
It was, like, simply to push buttons and be rude.
1
SPEAKER_00
So we asked her to leave, and she refused to leave.
1
SPEAKER_00
And, uh, we, like, we both, uh, smoke weed, you know?
1
SPEAKER_00
And the day before we were supposed to move out, she packed me a bowl and, uh, had me smoke it.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like have first kid off of it, and I m pretty positive that she drugged me in that process Okay, all right poison me once shame on you Yeah, yeah, I mean yeah, I it sounds like easy like that when I when it s laid out like that, but Do the process of it was very uh and it s your mom to you know like I really want to think the best of her but
1
SPEAKER_02
Did you find out whether or not she, I feel like we glossed over that a bit too quickly.
1
SPEAKER_02
Did you find out whether or not that was antifreeze?
1
SPEAKER_00
I m pretty positive that it was because nothing else makes sense and she s definitely the type of person to do such a thing, I think.
1
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_02
So where are you at with your mom right now?
1
SPEAKER_02
Is she, what s the deal?
1
SPEAKER_00
So I ve been no contact with her for about a year.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay, good at this point.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, and it s been really nice I m really sorry.
1
SPEAKER_02
I m really sorry to hear that by the way.
1
SPEAKER_02
That s that s really awful.
1
SPEAKER_00
I Mean, it s it s life.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know like character building experiences or something Yeah Go I have things to say to you, but go go ahead Yeah, I don t know
1
SPEAKER_00
Again, it s a difficult thing.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_00
I want to talk to her.
1
SPEAKER_00
She keeps getting new numbers and trying to contact me, and I keep blocking her on them and not speaking.
1
SPEAKER_00
But I want to believe that she would change for the better or so forth.
1
SPEAKER_00
But I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_00
She s my mom, but also given past experiences, I m not sure what to do.
1
SPEAKER_02
Ugh, can you forgive somebody for poisoning you?
1
SPEAKER_02
I mean, I don t know, man.
1
SPEAKER_02
That s, uh... That s fucking crazy.
1
SPEAKER_02
That s really, really, really fucking crazy.
1
SPEAKER_02
I mean, she should be in jail for that.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
She... Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
She is.
1
SPEAKER_01
She s a tricky person.
1
SPEAKER_02
Lily, can I ask you, aside from your mom and your boyfriend, who else do you have in your life?
1
SPEAKER_02
Do you have friends?
1
SPEAKER_00
I have some friends, but they re back in my hometown.
1
SPEAKER_00
So who s in Denver?
1
SPEAKER_02
Is it just you and your boyfriend?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, my dad lives fairly close by, but we re obviously not very close.
1
SPEAKER_02
You and your dad aren t cool?
1
SPEAKER_00
We re trying to be cool, but it s not necessarily comfortable.
1
SPEAKER_02
Do you want to go into detail about that or not?
1
SPEAKER_00
Um, I can.
1
SPEAKER_00
Nothing specific.
1
SPEAKER_00
Sorry, what were you going to say?
1
SPEAKER_02
No, you go ahead.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah, nothing specific.
1
SPEAKER_00
I moved out here after leaving my ex and kind of like re-established close to family, just in case.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then we recently started talking again and we re trying to be cool.
1
SPEAKER_00
He s trying to, again, like help me, like set me up and make like better decisions for my foreseeable future.
1
SPEAKER_00
But also kind of awkward cause he s, I feel like he s trying to be a dad, but like a little, a little bit too late.
1
SPEAKER_02
Lily.
1
SPEAKER_02
So, okay.
1
SPEAKER_02
So it s you and your dad.
1
SPEAKER_02
So it s you and your dad.
1
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_02
So do you, I mean, do you have a social life outside of your boyfriend and your family?
1
SPEAKER_00
Not really.
1
SPEAKER_00
I work on average like 50 to 60 hours a week.
1
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_02
What do you do by the way?
1
SPEAKER_00
I m a dog groomer.
1
SPEAKER_02
You re a dog groomer.
1
SPEAKER_02
Do you work for yourself or do you work for a company?
1
SPEAKER_00
I work for a company.
1
SPEAKER_02
Lily?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_02
You re a very, very, very sweet person, and I really admire the fact that you have gone through so much adversity in your life and seem to have not only put yourself in a position where you re financially doing well, but more important than that, put yourself in a position where your perspective
1
SPEAKER_02
is also really good, you know?
1
SPEAKER_02
And so I admire that a lot.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I want you, I beg you.
1
SPEAKER_02
to take all the extra money that you re earning from your job that you re using to support your boyfriend and fucking buy a house invest it put it in a savings account do fucking anything except for use it to bankroll your boyfriend please you you have
1
SPEAKER_02
you have gone through a lot in life and you deserve to set yourself up for a very nice rest of your life and after you know giving yourself to your mom and giving yourself to your boyfriend and giving yourself to all these other things
2
SPEAKER_00
Please start to make decisions in your life that benefit you because you deserve it.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if anyone, I don t know if you have anyone that will tell you that, but hear it from the frog guy from the internet that you deserve to make some decisions that benefit you in your life.
2
SPEAKER_02
Thank you.
2
SPEAKER_02
I appreciate it a lot.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_00
Jesus Christ.
2
SPEAKER_02
How long have you been grooming dogs for About a year now.
2
SPEAKER_02
I ve been working with dogs for two years or so, but Trimming and stuff about a year.
2
SPEAKER_00
What s your like?
2
SPEAKER_00
If you could I m very curious if you could do anything like if imagine any kind of a life for yourself What would it look like?
2
SPEAKER_02
Being a
2
SPEAKER_02
Veterinarian for like large farm animals.
2
SPEAKER_02
I m like farms like horses cows goats Stuff like that.
2
SPEAKER_00
Mm-hmm.
2
SPEAKER_00
Did you go to college?
2
SPEAKER_02
I Almost got my degree.
2
SPEAKER_02
I m five or so credits away, but Life got kind of crazy and I took a little break Okay Um, can I ask why you took a break?
2
SPEAKER_02
Uh, because of, uh, my, uh, leaving my ex, uh, divorce and such.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_00
It sounds like, so you re, you re, you mentioned an ex-husband.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I assume that didn t go too well.
2
SPEAKER_02
Not ideal.
2
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_00
Lily.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_00
Do you want to go back to school?
2
SPEAKER_00
Do you want to get your credits?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I would.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, that s the goal.
2
SPEAKER_00
Lily, don t, please.
2
SPEAKER_00
Don t let, I don t know what your deal is with your current boyfriend, but don t fucking let, and if you re making enough money for you to go back to school to do this thing, please don t spend it on your boyfriend.
2
SPEAKER_00
Please don t let your boyfriend, your mom, your dad, your ex-husband, or anybody stop you from going back to school and getting those credits.
2
SPEAKER_02
Will do, thank you.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay, all right.
2
SPEAKER_00
Is there anything else you want to talk about or say to the people of the computer before we go?
2
SPEAKER_02
Nothing specifically.
2
SPEAKER_02
I hope everyone has an awesome night and a happy Memorial Day.
2
SPEAKER_00
Take care, Lily.
2
SPEAKER_00
Have a good rest of the night.
2
SPEAKER_01
You as well.
2
SPEAKER_01
Goodbye.
2
SPEAKER_00
What a tough, what a tough racket.
2
SPEAKER_00
What a tough racket.
2
SPEAKER_00
And you could just hear in that girl s voice how she s really a sweet person.
2
SPEAKER_00
Who, I mean, between everything, right?
2
SPEAKER_00
Between, my fucking mom tried to kill me.
2
SPEAKER_00
Should I let her back into my life?
2
SPEAKER_00
You know I want to support my boyfriend just like the sound of a person Who like it seems as though has been spending her whole life?
2
SPEAKER_00
like trying to do things for other people
2
SPEAKER_00
I hope she hears- I hope she fucking listens to me and decides to fuck all those people and do something for- like, you know, I quit my- just going to school because of my ex-husband just to- someone who s been doing things for other people her whole life, please dear God.
2
SPEAKER_00
Don t give your fucking piece of shit boyfriend another penny and go back to school and do your own thing and make decisions for your own life, please.
2
SPEAKER_00
I ve been talking about this a lot on this on this show on this podcast recently is the idea of Like a lot of life being perspective and it s something it s a recurring theme.
2
SPEAKER_00
I noticed as I m talking to people because again, like Lily like I
2
SPEAKER_00
Her mom tries to kill her her ex-husband fucks up her dreams.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if that s exactly what happened, but whatever She s getting leeched off of by this guy and yet just maintains a Really sweet positive demeanor and I respect the hell out of that.
2
SPEAKER_00
I think that she deserves to have a life where she s serving herself and I really I I
2
SPEAKER_00
Lily, I don t know if you can hear this or if you listen to the show, but please call back.
2
SPEAKER_00
Call back, text in.
2
SPEAKER_00
Whether it s a month from now, a year from now, a week from now, whatever, call back, text in.
2
SPEAKER_00
I want to hear an update on this.
2
SPEAKER_00
Thanks for calling.
2
SPEAKER_00
Thanks for sharing your story.
2
SPEAKER_00
Attention listeners of the Therapy Gecko podcast.
2
SPEAKER_00
Do you know that I do a live version of this podcast on stage, in person, in front of real people, and that I m doing this live show in several cities across the United States this year, and that tickets are available right now at therapygeckotour.com
2
SPEAKER_00
or at the link in the episode description, it is all true.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m currently on my third tour doing Therapy Gecko Live all around the country, and it is the most fun, sick, amazing thing ever, and you should come out and be a part of it.
2
SPEAKER_00
The shows involve a mix of material and presentations from myself, combined with a group gecko therapy session, where members of the audience come on stage to share things from their lives in front of a big group of people, just like we do here on the podcast.
2
SPEAKER_00
Whether you re a fan of the podcast or you have no idea what this is and you clicked on it by accident, you re going to have a great time at the live show.
2
SPEAKER_00
Once again, tickets are available right now at therapygeckotour.com or at the link in the episode description.
2
SPEAKER_00
These are really fun shows.
2
SPEAKER_00
They re always wild.
2
SPEAKER_00
They re always unpredictable.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I hope to see you guys there.
2
SPEAKER_00
Hello?
2
SPEAKER_00
Hello.
2
SPEAKER_00
Hey, Lyle.
2
SPEAKER_00
How are you?
2
SPEAKER_00
I m doing all right, brother.
2
SPEAKER_00
What s your name?
2
SPEAKER_03
Uh, you can call me Art.
2
SPEAKER_00
Art?
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, like, uh, short for Arthur.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like Art Gar- like Art Garfunkel?
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, you can just call me Arthur.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m gonna actually- I m gonna call you Garfunkel.
2
SPEAKER_00
Garfunkel!
2
SPEAKER_00
Hey, Lyle.
2
SPEAKER_00
Your delayed response indicates to me that you don t like being called Garfunkel.
2
SPEAKER_03
What makes you say that?
2
SPEAKER_00
Because you delayed your response.
2
SPEAKER_03
Okay, I think you re right.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay, you don t like being called Garfunkel?
2
SPEAKER_03
No, you can call me anything else, I think.
2
SPEAKER_00
Alright.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay, do you want me to call you anything else?
2
SPEAKER_00
I should just- I could make this- I could make this a lot easier for both you and me if I just called you by the name that you told- by your actual name.
2
SPEAKER_00
Call you by your name.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s that movie.
2
SPEAKER_00
I haven t seen it.
2
SPEAKER_00
Have you seen?
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s about, so there s, it s about these two guys in love and the whole, the whole idea of calling somebody by your name.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s like, like, like if I m in love with someone and I call them Lyle, that never made any sense to me.
2
SPEAKER_00
There s a scene where they re both calling each other by their own name.
2
SPEAKER_00
What does that mean to call someone by your name?
2
SPEAKER_00
Why?
2
SPEAKER_00
Arthur what would you like to talk about today?
2
SPEAKER_00
How s it going?
2
SPEAKER_00
You texted me and you said and you said I want to talk about my illegal restaurant somebody should know what the deal is somebody maybe in the YouTube comments if somebody knows what was going on with the Call me by your name thing.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like why do they call each other by their own?
2
SPEAKER_00
Names if someone in the YouTube comments give an explanation for that.
2
SPEAKER_00
What s your what s this restaurant?
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh
2
SPEAKER_03
So I, uh, I m a chef.
2
SPEAKER_03
I ve been in the food and beverage industry for like six years now.
2
SPEAKER_03
And, um, my last job was the longest I ve ever stayed out of place for.
2
SPEAKER_03
And I had a head chef position there.
2
SPEAKER_03
It was a really small spot.
2
SPEAKER_03
Um, we would serve like probably 40 to 50 people a night.
2
SPEAKER_03
And it was just me and one other guy, basically, back in the kitchen.
2
SPEAKER_03
And, um, that kind of fell through because of just some shitty decisions by the owner and stuff that I began to not want to deal with anymore.
2
SPEAKER_03
And I quit.
2
SPEAKER_03
And shortly after I quit, the place closed down and took like a month off of work.
2
SPEAKER_03
And afterwards I,
3
SPEAKER_01
Try looking for like a job, like a sous chef position somewhere.
3
SPEAKER_01
And went around to like 25 different restaurants, uh, that had an active sous chef, uh, position open and all of them wanted to, uh, you know, kind of fuck me over.
3
SPEAKER_01
There s like a ploy in the industry where if you re trying to go straight ahead to a higher position, they ll kind of keep you on for about a month.
3
SPEAKER_01
And they ll just keep you at a line cook position with line cook pay while you re trying to prove your chops to whoever is hiring you for that higher position.
3
SPEAKER_01
And that s basically what I got, you know, for about two, three months.
3
SPEAKER_00
So this restaurant, this illegal restaurant, is this your restaurant?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
How is it?
3
SPEAKER_00
How is it illegal?
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, it s because it s run out of a home.
3
SPEAKER_00
You run a restaurant out of your home?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
What kind of restaurant is it?
3
SPEAKER_01
Uh, it s kind of hard to explain, but the best way I can explain it, it s just, it s a tasting menu restaurant.
3
SPEAKER_01
Um, I do 10 courses a night.
3
SPEAKER_01
Um,
3
SPEAKER_01
Max amount of people I could take in is like 10 people.
3
SPEAKER_01
But the food, the best way I can explain it is just like, it s modern food.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like you can consider it new American, meaning like it s globally influenced.
3
SPEAKER_01
It just doesn t like take from Italian or Japanese or whatever.
3
SPEAKER_01
You know what I mean?
3
SPEAKER_00
What do you think about it?
3
SPEAKER_00
I kind of want to do the same thing, but I just pick 10 different lean cuisines to put in the microwave for people.
3
SPEAKER_01
You know what s crazy is that just the other day, I saw a real Instagram post about a dude who bought a plate of food from a guy for $20.
3
SPEAKER_01
Have you seen that on Facebook?
3
SPEAKER_00
No, he bought a plate of food from a guy on Facebook Marketplace.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, he bought a plate of food from a guy and what was displayed on the post was really nice, boneless buffalo wings.
3
SPEAKER_01
Uh, it looked like homemade fries.
3
SPEAKER_01
And when the guy went and got it, and he came back home, he opened up the foil, it was just dino nuggets tossed in buffalo sauce.
3
SPEAKER_00
You re acting like that s not fine cuisine right there.
3
SPEAKER_01
I mean,
3
SPEAKER_01
You know, it s debatable, but peach is on.
3
SPEAKER_00
What s your favorite, um, dish from your tasting taste thing from your tasting menu?
3
SPEAKER_01
Um, I think it has to be the, it s called a passivie.
3
SPEAKER_01
And what a passivie is, is basically traditionally it s this shortcrust pastry.
3
SPEAKER_01
So imagine like pie dough.
3
SPEAKER_01
And in it, it would have some type of like sweetened almond paste in it.
3
SPEAKER_01
But in different parts of France, they do a savory filling instead.
3
SPEAKER_01
And so I m doing mine with a pork collar filling that has like a green garlic in it and an onion jam and smoked bacon.
3
SPEAKER_01
And it comes with a charcuterie sauce.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
Bro, where do you live?
3
SPEAKER_00
Where do you live?
3
SPEAKER_00
I m coming.
3
SPEAKER_00
That sounds incredible.
3
SPEAKER_01
Uh, in LA.
3
SPEAKER_00
You live in LA?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Can I come to your restaurant?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, of course you can.
3
SPEAKER_00
How much does it cost?
3
SPEAKER_01
So, I was actually crunching numbers right now.
3
SPEAKER_01
I was watching your stream while doing so because I ran out of podcasts to watch.
3
SPEAKER_01
and I saw that you were live and I was like, Oh shit, I should watch now.
3
SPEAKER_01
But like I said, it s, it s priced per person, but you re looking upwards of like 200 to 250, 250 is really, really high end.
3
SPEAKER_01
But for 200 you, uh, for that amount of money, you get 10 plates, two of them being a dessert.
3
SPEAKER_01
And, uh, there s also, uh,
3
SPEAKER_01
like a drink menu as well and a snack menu.
3
SPEAKER_00
Wait, hold on.
3
SPEAKER_00
So it s 10 plates of food and is it unlimited drinks?
3
SPEAKER_01
It s not unlimited drinks.
3
SPEAKER_01
You do have to pay for them.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_00
Unfortunately.
3
SPEAKER_00
Is it just like a diet Coke from your refrigerator?
3
SPEAKER_01
No, no, no.
3
SPEAKER_01
When I say a drink menu, I mean like cocktails and wine and beer and things like that.
3
SPEAKER_01
What kind of snacks that s kind of a funny idea some but like Let s get a snack while we eat dinner Yeah, so there s kind of a reason why that snack menu exists It s kind of like for the alcohol Sure
3
SPEAKER_00
What to make, I mean, so that you can sell the alcohol, but okay.
3
SPEAKER_00
But if you are, here s the thing is, let me ask you this.
3
SPEAKER_00
If it s already, okay, I get it.
3
SPEAKER_00
The snack thing is because of the alcohol makes it like slightly more legal, right?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, because the way that I have the snack menu set up is that a purchase of said snack, whatever you want to get comes with a complimentary cocktail.
3
SPEAKER_00
But if you re already doing an illegal thing, why don t you just go crazy with it?
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t think that s the best thing to do.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s not.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s a terrible idea.
3
SPEAKER_00
Don t listen to anything I ever say.
3
SPEAKER_00
What s the best kind of snacks on the menu?
3
SPEAKER_00
What s your favorite snack?
3
SPEAKER_01
Um, so I got marinated cassava, Toronto olives.
3
SPEAKER_00
What the fuck?
3
SPEAKER_01
What did you just say?
3
SPEAKER_01
Like green olives.
3
SPEAKER_00
No, no, you didn t say green.
3
SPEAKER_00
You said a whole new word.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
Cassava, Toronto olives.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay, I ve never heard of that.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, they re like the specific olive that comes from Italy.
3
SPEAKER_01
They re really nice.
3
SPEAKER_00
So who s your clientele?
3
SPEAKER_00
Do you have a lot of celebrities come through?
3
SPEAKER_01
No, no.
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, I think I should kind of butt in here and say that I haven t opened yet.
3
SPEAKER_01
and I m planning on opening this coming month.
3
SPEAKER_00
What does open mean?
3
SPEAKER_00
You just post your address on the internet?
3
SPEAKER_01
That s... no, not that way.
3
SPEAKER_01
Basically, I have a newsletter that s up on my website and you give your info and you get an invitation, basically, which is just a link that allows you to make a reservation, like a private link.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s pretty sweet.
3
SPEAKER_00
But how do people find out about the newsletter at first?
3
SPEAKER_01
So a lot of it s word of mouth, much like how a lot of these things operate.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s very word of mouth, but I am also going to be putting up flyers all across LA.
3
SPEAKER_01
I actually got some printed today, which, you know, it s kind of very old school.
3
SPEAKER_01
It might not work, might work method of,
3
SPEAKER_01
advertising, but I mean, who knows, you know, and I m also planning on putting those flyers, um, at shops that I frequent, um, with their consent, of course, not just like posting up business on another business, you know, that s pretty cool.
3
SPEAKER_01
And, uh, social media, you know,
3
SPEAKER_00
You have a calming voice.
3
SPEAKER_00
Do you read off the menu when people sit down?
3
SPEAKER_00
Is part of the experience that we get to listen to you talk, say new Italian words that sound kind of made up while you explain each of the plates?
3
SPEAKER_01
So, you know, it s funny that you bring that up because
3
SPEAKER_01
I feel like with a lot of fine dining places, you ll go there, you ll sit down.
3
SPEAKER_01
You know, if you re not too knowledgeable about food and you ll have some person, usually it s the person waiting you.
3
SPEAKER_01
And frankly, they probably don t know that well what they re serving you either.
3
SPEAKER_01
But I kind of find that to be kind of too much.
4
SPEAKER_01
because I just kind of want to sit down and eat.
4
SPEAKER_01
And so I m planning on providing kind of a little excerpt for each course that the guests can read while they eat it, if they want to.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s cool.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s like you get a little sheet of paper, right?
4
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
4
SPEAKER_00
This is fun.
4
SPEAKER_00
I like this.
4
SPEAKER_00
I want to do like my own version of it, except it s $10 and you get a lean cuisine.
4
SPEAKER_00
a bag of Cheetos and a Diet Coke from my fridge.
4
SPEAKER_00
It is kind of cool the idea of like, all right, you have like a thing that you re only letting 20 people in or 10 people in at once and they have to make a reservation and it s word of mouth and they get it off like a newsletter.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s kind of a cool, I just like that concept as an entrepreneurial thing.
4
SPEAKER_00
I think that s really cool.
4
SPEAKER_01
Is this the first time you re hearing about said concept?
4
SPEAKER_00
Um, it does, I mean, maybe, maybe.
4
SPEAKER_01
The reason why I ask is because LA is, I want to say it s like the birthplace of this kind of like ordeal, but there s quite a lot of them.
4
SPEAKER_00
Final question, for an extra $50 at the end of the meal, can I sleep on your couch?
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, you can.
4
SPEAKER_01
There s a few of them.
4
SPEAKER_01
There s three.
4
SPEAKER_01
You have three couches?
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, so the way, so I had a lot of money saved up for my last job.
4
SPEAKER_01
And this is kind of like my first impression.
4
SPEAKER_01
That s just like my own thing.
4
SPEAKER_01
And so I really kind of built out the place that I m leasing out.
4
SPEAKER_01
Um, like really, really well.
4
SPEAKER_00
What do you, what do you pay for rent?
4
SPEAKER_00
What s that?
4
SPEAKER_00
What do you pay for rent?
4
SPEAKER_01
Like, what is it?
4
3,700.
4
SPEAKER_00
3,700.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I guess that s not, that s not, that s not that bad for, uh, a place that can, that can fit three couches in Los Angeles.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
I mean, it s a pretty big place, but because it s pretty big too.
4
SPEAKER_00
Because your business is illegal.
4
SPEAKER_00
You can t write it off on your taxes.
4
SPEAKER_01
Um, well, the thing is, is that I am, I m still taking tax into consideration.
4
SPEAKER_01
I will be charging people tax because wait, hold on.
4
SPEAKER_00
You re charging people tax, even though you re not paying tax.
4
SPEAKER_01
No, I am going to be.
4
SPEAKER_01
paying tax to the IRS.
4
SPEAKER_00
Why?
4
SPEAKER_00
It s illegal.
4
SPEAKER_00
They don t even, but aren t they going to get mad at you?
4
SPEAKER_00
It s like, it s like when they tried to get cocaine dealers to pay taxes.
4
SPEAKER_00
Not that you re dealing cocaine, but it s the same concept.
4
SPEAKER_01
That kind of still does eventually happen like to some degree, right?
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
4
SPEAKER_00
I ve never dealt cocaine or paid taxes.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s not true.
4
SPEAKER_00
I pay, I pay, I pay taxes.
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, the reason why I m doing that is because I have an actual corporation tied to the business.
4
SPEAKER_01
Because I couldn t have done... How do I explain this?
4
SPEAKER_01
Sorry.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m surprised that you called me.
4
SPEAKER_00
Is it a tiered system where for $50 I sleep on the shitty couch, $100 I sleep on the good couch?
4
SPEAKER_00
How much for, like, a bed?
4
SPEAKER_00
For 200- For 200- How much money- Alright.
4
SPEAKER_00
For an extra $200, can I make you sleep on the couch and I get to sleep in your bed?
4
SPEAKER_01
Uh, you know what?
4
SPEAKER_01
I can pull out an air mattress for you.
4
SPEAKER_00
No, no air.
4
SPEAKER_00
I want to sleep in where you sleep.
4
SPEAKER_00
And you have to, I want to make, wait for an extra $250.
4
SPEAKER_00
Can I sleep in your bed and make you sleep on the air mattress?
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, I don t have an air mattress.
4
SPEAKER_00
I would buy an extra $300.
4
SPEAKER_00
Can I make you sleep on the air mattress?
4
SPEAKER_00
I sleep in your bed and I get to use your toothbrush.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Cause I think I m going to need to brush my teeth after eating all this food and I don t feel like bringing my own toothbrush.
4
SPEAKER_00
So I would pay premium to use yours.
4
SPEAKER_01
I actually got this, uh, a new toothbrush recently.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s Japanese.
4
SPEAKER_00
Does it vibrate?
4
SPEAKER_01
No.
4
SPEAKER_01
Should it?
4
SPEAKER_00
For, I mean, for that extra $300, I think.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like, do you, do you want me to build like a, like a, you, do you like want me to like duct tape a vibrator to her?
4
SPEAKER_01
Do you want me to buy a whole new toothbrush that vibrates, use it, and then have you use it?
4
SPEAKER_00
You know what, I m just going to Google the call me by your name thing.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m not going to wait until the YouTube comments show up because I don t know why they did that.
4
SPEAKER_00
Art.
4
SPEAKER_00
Art, good luck with this.
4
SPEAKER_00
This sounds fun.
4
SPEAKER_00
This sounds cool.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m genuinely, I m excited for you.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m inspired by this.
4
SPEAKER_00
Lyle, Lyle, Lyle.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, go ahead.
4
SPEAKER_01
Thank you for the amazing kind words.
4
SPEAKER_01
I really, really appreciate it.
4
SPEAKER_01
But I just wanted to say something very clear.
4
SPEAKER_01
I hope this isn t coming off as like some type of advertisement because it legitimately was not.
4
SPEAKER_00
No, no, no.
4
SPEAKER_00
I asked.
4
SPEAKER_00
I asked.
4
SPEAKER_00
I asked.
4
SPEAKER_00
I asked.
4
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I don t care.
4
SPEAKER_00
Do you want, do you want to, do you want to tell the people where they can find it?
4
SPEAKER_00
I feel bad.
4
SPEAKER_00
I ll tell you what.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
All right.
4
SPEAKER_00
You can tell the people where you found it, but when I m in LA, you gotta let me use your toothbrush.
4
SPEAKER_01
Side note though, would you actually want to come and eat?
4
SPEAKER_00
Actually, I actually would.
4
SPEAKER_00
That would be kind of cool.
4
SPEAKER_01
And when will you be in LA?
4
SPEAKER_00
I ll be in LA in November.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay, cool.
4
SPEAKER_00
For my two Therapy Gecko live shows at the Masonic Lodge.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh, no way.
4
SPEAKER_01
You re going to be at the Masonic Lodge?
4
SPEAKER_00
I m going to be at the Masonic Lodge.
4
SPEAKER_00
On Los Feliz?
4
SPEAKER_00
Probably.
4
SPEAKER_01
All right.
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, I ll try, I ll try and get a ticket and swing by and I ll show face and remind you then.
4
SPEAKER_00
Sweet, man.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
You can drop the, you can drop the link to the newsletter if you, if you want to, but you do have to let me use your toothbrush and I do want a Diet Coke from your fridge.
4
SPEAKER_00
Those are the only two things I asked for.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
Wait, do you, do you like, why Diet Coke and not Coke Zero?
4
SPEAKER_00
Do you want to, do you want to drop it?
4
SPEAKER_00
The link?
4
SPEAKER_00
The thing?
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, sure.
4
SPEAKER_00
Or do you want to stay anonymous?
4
SPEAKER_01
Um... Yeah, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, sure.
4
SPEAKER_00
Alright, what is it?
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, what is it?
4
SPEAKER_01
Uh, here.
4
SPEAKER_01
Uh, it s E-S-U R-I-O dot L-A.
4
SPEAKER_00
E-F-U-R-I-O dot L-A?
4
SPEAKER_01
Asurio, E-S-U-R-I-O.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh, I thought he was an R. E-S-U-R-I-O?
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, E-S-U-R-I-O.
4
SPEAKER_00
Dude, you re hella good at making up words.
4
SPEAKER_01
No, that s real.
4
SPEAKER_01
That s a real Latin word.
4
SPEAKER_00
I would take a Coke Zero, but I would prefer a Diet Coke.
4
SPEAKER_01
Is it the taste?
4
SPEAKER_00
Art, is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
4
SPEAKER_01
I just want to say thank you, Lyle, for calling me back and finally responding to me and allowing me to be on your fantastic show for a brief moment.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I hope the tour goes very well.
5
SPEAKER_00
Thanks, man.
5
SPEAKER_02
And, uh, I hope you have a good night.
5
SPEAKER_00
Thank you, Art.
5
SPEAKER_00
Um, I was just thinking it would be pretty funny if, uh, like I went to your house and ate, like, you know, you cooked for us all and all that stuff.
5
SPEAKER_00
Um, and then like, I found out that, uh, you actually had a rat under your hat the whole time that was making you do all the cooking, like in that movie.
5
SPEAKER_02
I, so can you not mention the rat thing?
5
SPEAKER_02
Because that s kind of like the secret thing with how I m able to cook so well.
5
SPEAKER_02
And so I d appreciate it if you cut this part from the pod.
5
SPEAKER_00
No, we re going to keep it in.
5
SPEAKER_00
Take care, Art.
5
SPEAKER_00
Thank you.
5
SPEAKER_01
Hold on Gecko.
5
SPEAKER_01
What s up Geck?
5
SPEAKER_00
Hey, what s up, man?
5
SPEAKER_00
Where are you right now?
5
SPEAKER_00
You got people in the backgrounds.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I m at a car show at a bar.
5
SPEAKER_01
I just walked out and I m in the parking lot, so it should be a lot quieter.
5
SPEAKER_01
Cool.
5
SPEAKER_00
All right.
5
SPEAKER_00
So you re at the parking lot of a car show?
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, right beside a bar.
5
SPEAKER_00
What kind of car show?
5
SPEAKER_01
All old-timey cars.
5
SPEAKER_01
Got a lot of old 60s Mustangs, Chevys, all kinds of stuff here.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s out in Everett, Washington.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s called Cruisin  the Colby.
5
SPEAKER_00
What brings you there?
5
SPEAKER_00
Are you a connoisseur of wacky races-esque vehicles?
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, kind of.
5
SPEAKER_01
I m just a car guy.
5
SPEAKER_01
And it s just it s something to do.
5
SPEAKER_01
So I don t like being, you know, trapped in the house all the time.
5
SPEAKER_01
So I decided to come out and see the cars as they were getting lined up and ready for the show tomorrow.
5
SPEAKER_01
Memorial Day show.
5
SPEAKER_01
So they all did a little like cruise around and started parking in their spots and everything.
5
SPEAKER_01
And tomorrow is the actual show.
5
SPEAKER_00
You re a little bon vivant, aren t you?
5
SPEAKER_00
You re just going to car shows.
5
SPEAKER_00
You re really living up life.
5
SPEAKER_00
I try.
5
SPEAKER_01
I definitely try.
5
SPEAKER_01
That s for sure.
5
SPEAKER_01
I can t be stuck in my house.
5
SPEAKER_01
I got to go out and I got to do things.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s funny.
5
SPEAKER_00
So you texted me.
5
SPEAKER_00
You said you re 39, right?
5
SPEAKER_00
That s true.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m 26 and I feel the same way.
5
SPEAKER_00
I can t stay home in my fucking house.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, okay, maybe it s just like, I ve wondering if I m going to be this way forever.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, you know, so when I was that age, I was the same way and I just like, I felt like, dude, I m missing out on so much.
5
SPEAKER_01
I stay in my house all the time.
5
SPEAKER_01
I need to go out and I need to meet people.
5
SPEAKER_01
I need to get myself out there.
5
SPEAKER_01
I need to go to events and everything.
5
SPEAKER_01
Otherwise, I m just going to rot away in my house and I m going to drive myself crazy.
5
SPEAKER_00
And have you been going out and doing things for your entire life then?
5
SPEAKER_01
Since about the age of 26, 27, yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
Okay, so from until you were 26, 27, you were kind of a homebody.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I d always sit at home and I d play video games all day, all night.
5
SPEAKER_01
I typically would never leave my house.
5
SPEAKER_00
And nowadays, are you tired or are you still wanting to leave your house all the time?
5
SPEAKER_01
I am tired.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I m 39, but I still want to leave the house all the time.
5
SPEAKER_01
I don t care.
5
SPEAKER_01
I have to get out.
5
SPEAKER_01
I m a social butterfly.
5
SPEAKER_00
Who do you hang out with these days?
5
SPEAKER_01
Oh, well, uh, usually, uh, my new boyfriend, uh, and my new girlfriend and, uh, whatever friends I can find hanging around downtown.
5
SPEAKER_00
Whatever friends I can find hanging around downtown.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
Uh, uh, I m in Washington.
5
SPEAKER_00
Washington is Washington.
5
SPEAKER_00
Washington is a state, right?
5
SPEAKER_00
Correct not Washington DC, Washington State.
5
SPEAKER_01
All right, so you re in what Seattle probably I m a little north of Seattle about 30 about a 30-minute drive depending on traffic if anyone is listening from Seattle They know how that can be.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m up in a town called Everett Everett is Everett poppin.
5
SPEAKER_00
I mean, they ve got car shows.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s cool.
5
SPEAKER_00
I
5
SPEAKER_01
I think it s popping.
5
SPEAKER_01
A lot of my friends that like to hang out in Seattle are like, oh no, it s Everett.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s not that great, but I love it out here.
5
SPEAKER_00
So what s your name again?
5
SPEAKER_00
Mike.
5
SPEAKER_00
Mike, we can keep talking about Everett and car shows and life, but is there anything in particular you wanted to talk about this evening?
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
So I m recently divorced.
5
SPEAKER_01
I was in a relationship for 12 years.
5
SPEAKER_01
It was super controlling.
5
SPEAKER_01
It was just a really toxic thing.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I got out of it about seven months ago.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I ve been seeing a new guy.
5
SPEAKER_01
He is amazing.
5
SPEAKER_01
His name s Calvin.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I ve been seeing his girlfriend Kat as well.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I ve been doing this whole polyamorous relationship thing.
5
SPEAKER_01
And, um, I m very new to it and I ve got, uh, I ve got issues with it because like anytime I try, you know, talking to, to my guy Calvin, um, he s just, he s really weird when it comes to texting and talking and kind of cagey.
5
SPEAKER_01
Um, and I just, that s kind of what I wanted to talk about.
5
SPEAKER_01
Interesting.
5
SPEAKER_00
Cause I was going to say, it sounds kind of like you were playing the crane machine and you got double prizes.
5
SPEAKER_01
Basically, yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I met this guy and he told me that he s in this polyamorous relationship and I was like, hey, that s cool.
5
SPEAKER_01
And then I met his girlfriend and she was hot and we all hooked up and we all really meshed together quite nicely.
5
SPEAKER_01
I see, I see her and I see him.
5
SPEAKER_00
Well, so I guess I m curious first about the 12 year relationship.
5
SPEAKER_00
So you were, okay.
5
SPEAKER_00
So you got with her when you were like, uh, 26 or whatever.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I don t know if that math works out, but who cares?
5
SPEAKER_00
Uh, yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
And was it, was it, uh, controlling for the whole time or did it kind of escalate to that point?
5
SPEAKER_01
It just kind of escalated to that point.
5
SPEAKER_01
It took me, it took me a few years to really kind of see it.
5
SPEAKER_01
I always kind of thought it was me, though.
5
SPEAKER_01
I always thought maybe there was something wrong with me in the relationship.
5
SPEAKER_01
But as time went on, I realized, no, this guy is just super freaking controlling.
5
SPEAKER_00
How did that control manifest itself?
5
SPEAKER_01
Oh, gosh.
5
SPEAKER_01
So, like, I wasn t allowed to have any friends, basically.
5
SPEAKER_01
All of my friends had to be his friends.
5
SPEAKER_01
We couldn t go out and do anything that I liked.
5
SPEAKER_01
We had to go out and do the things that he liked.
5
SPEAKER_01
We couldn t go out.
5
SPEAKER_01
to see my family for holidays.
5
SPEAKER_01
We had to go out only to see his family for holidays.
5
SPEAKER_01
I was kind of trapped within his family.
5
SPEAKER_01
We weren t allowed kind of outside that circle, basically.
5
SPEAKER_01
And yeah, friends was a hard thing.
5
SPEAKER_01
Anytime I d want to go out and hang out with friends, I was always kind of told, no, you can t do that.
5
SPEAKER_01
You can t spend money.
5
SPEAKER_01
You can t waste gas.
5
SPEAKER_01
What time are you going to be back?
5
SPEAKER_01
How much money?
5
SPEAKER_01
No, you got to be back at this time.
5
SPEAKER_01
No, you can t spend this money.
5
SPEAKER_01
Things like that.
5
SPEAKER_00
And have you always been polyamorous?
5
SPEAKER_00
So this is kind of a new thing.
5
SPEAKER_01
This is kind of a new thing.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
And how are you enjoying navigating it?
5
SPEAKER_01
Well, I like the relationship and everything.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s the navigating has been a little tough.
5
SPEAKER_01
I mean, like I said, like whenever I try texting my guy, Calvin, it s like so like he ll text me in the morning.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s always like, hey, handsome.
5
SPEAKER_01
Hey, sexy.
5
SPEAKER_01
Hey, sweetie, or something like that.
5
SPEAKER_01
How are you doing this morning and things like that?
5
SPEAKER_01
And then I ll text him back and then I won t hear things for hours.
5
SPEAKER_01
And then I ll finally get like,
5
SPEAKER_01
a very monosyllabic response back, like, okay, or huh, ooh, stuff like that.
5
SPEAKER_00
So, well, it s kind of interesting.
5
SPEAKER_00
You re going from somebody who was kind of controlling you to somebody who you re feeling like you re not getting enough from.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, kind of.
5
SPEAKER_01
I mean, when I m with him in person, I feel like I m getting a lot from him because we, I appreciate his company.
5
SPEAKER_01
I appreciate, I love the sex and all of that.
5
SPEAKER_00
How long have you been, how long have you been with this guy for?
5
SPEAKER_00
Since the beginning of April.
5
SPEAKER_00
The beginning of April.
5
SPEAKER_00
All right.
5
SPEAKER_00
So it s been like a couple,
5
SPEAKER_00
Months it s been two months now.
5
SPEAKER_00
I mean look man different people have different communication styles Do you prefer to be texting with somebody all throughout the day I Mean Yes, and no I I mean like I work in everything and so it s not like I can be texting constantly
6
SPEAKER_00
It s just I feel like I just want something a little bit more than like a monosobilic response like ooh, or okay, or yeah, or something like that like I feel like I feel like he s not Interested, but then when I go and see him in person, it s like oh, he s super interested But outside of that I I feel kind of like he s disinterested, so I don t know so okay Have you talked to him about this?
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, so his explanation was, like, it s his anxiety.
6
SPEAKER_00
Like, he doesn t want to feel like he s obligated to text something back or something.
6
SPEAKER_00
Sometimes he just doesn t really know what to say.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_02
And what do you make of that?
6
SPEAKER_00
I mean, in my past relationships, I ve always gotten something back that was seemingly a little more meaningful.
6
SPEAKER_00
So, like, the way I think of it is,
6
SPEAKER_00
I get the feeling that he s disinterested in some of my things or he doesn t like, I don t know.
6
SPEAKER_02
Here s the thing.
6
SPEAKER_02
You re not always going to like, it s not, in my opinion, when people tell you shit, you take him at face value.
6
SPEAKER_02
You know what I mean?
6
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_02
Like,
6
SPEAKER_02
99% unless if somebody s like what somebody might have the reasons to lie to you but like 99% of the time they re not so if you re communicating with somebody and they say to you I just don t want this anxiety of feeling like I have to respond throughout the day and others like just believe them you know
6
SPEAKER_02
especially especially if you re gonna do a polyamorous thing where like he also has a girlfriend and he could have Three other boyfriends or whatever whatever like, you know when you re with if he has this whole Mentality of look man when I m with you I m with you and we re doing it and I will give you my attention But when I m not, you know, I m living my life.
6
SPEAKER_02
I m doing my thing you kind of you just have to believe him and not take that as some sign of of
6
SPEAKER_02
of you being, uh, less, you know what I mean?
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, no, I, I definitely, definitely see that for sure.
6
SPEAKER_00
And, and no, just, just for a little more, you know, uh, disclosure there.
6
SPEAKER_00
Um, you know, when we got into all of this, he had even said like, Hey, I, you know, I m, I m down if you want to see other people, but I m not the only people that I really want to see are cat and you.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I told him, no, I m not seeing anyone else, but you and cat.
6
SPEAKER_00
And so that s kind of our circle.
6
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
6
SPEAKER_02
So, uh, I don t know, man.
6
SPEAKER_02
I think it sounds like you ve attempted to work this out with him.
6
SPEAKER_00
I m thinking too much into this, aren t I?
6
SPEAKER_00
That s my whole thing.
6
SPEAKER_00
Like, I think maybe I m thinking way too much into this and I m spiraling sometimes and, and then I have to kind of wake myself out of that and be like, no, everything is cool because otherwise he would tell me and,
6
SPEAKER_00
I just saw him yesterday.
6
SPEAKER_00
We spent the entire day together yesterday.
6
SPEAKER_00
Had a wonderful time.
6
SPEAKER_00
Told him how happy that he makes me and he reciprocated that.
6
SPEAKER_00
But then like this morning, I got his normal good morning sunshine text.
6
SPEAKER_00
Mike.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yo.
6
SPEAKER_02
If you want to get into some real therapy here, which I m not inclined to give because I m a dumbass in a gecko costume, but have you ever heard of anxious attachment theory?
6
SPEAKER_00
I ve never, no.
6
SPEAKER_00
What is that?
6
SPEAKER_02
OK, so I mean, go talk to a real therapist about this or, you know, go look it up on the Internet.
6
SPEAKER_02
There s anxious there s there s like relationship attachment styles.
6
SPEAKER_02
There s secure, avoidant and anxious and anxious attachment is basically kind of what you re describing, where it s like,
6
SPEAKER_02
uh, you know, kind of like anxiety that you re not enough for your partner or that your partner doesn t like you.
6
SPEAKER_02
Um, and you re just kind of always anxious about the relationship.
6
SPEAKER_02
Do you talk to a real therapist?
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I do.
6
SPEAKER_00
Actually.
6
SPEAKER_00
I ve, I ve been seeing a therapist for the past two years since my dad and brother died.
6
SPEAKER_02
What is your real therapist think about this?
6
SPEAKER_00
Uh, she doesn t really give me too much, uh, insight.
6
SPEAKER_00
She knows that like I ve been a thousand miles away from my previous partner for years and years.
6
SPEAKER_00
All she really kind of says is you just need to be careful.
6
SPEAKER_00
You got out of this relationship and I know you feel comfortable, but just be careful is really all she tells me.
6
SPEAKER_02
I agree.
6
SPEAKER_02
You know what?
6
SPEAKER_02
That sounds smart.
6
SPEAKER_02
That sounds smart.
6
SPEAKER_02
Next time you see her, ask her about the anxious attachment.
6
SPEAKER_00
Gotcha.
6
SPEAKER_00
Well, I see her on Wednesday, so that s perfect.
6
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
6
SPEAKER_02
And I m, by the way, I m just no expert in relationships at all.
6
SPEAKER_02
I really don t fucking know what I m talking about.
6
SPEAKER_02
But, um, cause you know, I ve done some, some, uh, research on this stuff.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I get that, and I ve been listening to you since December, and so I understand your position on everything.
6
SPEAKER_00
Sometimes it s just good to talk about it, and I don t really have anyone to talk about it with, so I was like, well, I guess I ll ask Geck.
6
SPEAKER_02
Well, let s get it.
6
SPEAKER_02
I mean, why don t you have anyone to talk about it with, I guess aside from your therapist?
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
I mean, that s the other thing.
6
SPEAKER_00
But I also feel a little weird sometimes because she s always kind of like, well, you need to be careful.
6
SPEAKER_00
You just got out of this relationship.
6
SPEAKER_00
You just finished up a divorce.
6
SPEAKER_00
And like I said, like, you know, I was a million miles away from this person emotionally for so long.
6
SPEAKER_00
And now here I am just trying to enjoy life.
6
SPEAKER_00
I just keep hearing, you need to be careful, you need to watch yourself.
6
SPEAKER_02
When did you break up with this guy you were in a relationship with for 12 years?
6
SPEAKER_00
How long ago?
6
SPEAKER_00
Back in November.
6
SPEAKER_02
Alright, so you re pretty quick.
6
SPEAKER_02
I mean, a few months is not that quick, but like, yeah dude, I think your therapist is right.
6
SPEAKER_02
Be careful, don t hedge all your bets.
6
SPEAKER_02
If anything, just don t, like, you know, relationships are supposed to be, like, good and fun and add value to your life.
6
SPEAKER_02
They re not supposed to be this thing that you hedge your entire fucking life upon.
6
SPEAKER_02
Right?
6
SPEAKER_02
So just don t hedge your entire fucking life upon this guy.
6
SPEAKER_02
Enjoy his presence in your life.
6
SPEAKER_02
It s weird.
6
SPEAKER_02
I have a problem with navigating relationships in the sense of, um,
6
SPEAKER_02
It s so strange because I don t think it s healthy to hedge your whole life on a relationship with someone.
6
SPEAKER_02
But also, if something is really important, of course you re going to be hedging a significant amount of your life into it.
6
SPEAKER_02
And that maybe if, um,
6
SPEAKER_02
And yeah, and that s kind of a contradiction that is difficult to navigate.
6
SPEAKER_02
But I mean, in your situation, having just gotten out of this relationship with this person for 12 years, I would say that your therapist is right.
6
SPEAKER_02
Like, go have fun, but be careful that you re not getting your entire self-worth off of this guy.
6
SPEAKER_02
I mean, if you re sitting here and saying that you have nobody else to talk to about this, it could be an indicator that, you know,
6
SPEAKER_02
Your non-romantic social life could use some attention as well, so that you re not... Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_02
You know what I mean?
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, no, I mean, definitely.
6
SPEAKER_00
You know, further disclosure on that though, too, I mean, we ve been taking this really slow.
6
SPEAKER_00
I mean... I mean, I ve been seeing this guy now for two months about, and, like, we haven t even done anything outside of his house.
6
SPEAKER_00
Like, I just go over to his place and...
6
SPEAKER_00
We hang out for a bit.
6
SPEAKER_00
Sometimes we have sex, sometimes we don t.
6
SPEAKER_00
Sometimes we re very cuddly, sometimes we re not.
6
SPEAKER_00
Sometimes I just go over there and help him out with things over at the house.
6
SPEAKER_00
But we ve been taking it pretty slow.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s been like kind of a snail s pace.
6
SPEAKER_02
Well, I think that s a good thing, probably.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I agree, for sure.
6
SPEAKER_00
I mean, his whole outlook is, you know, absence kind of makes the heart grow fonder, which I get, and it definitely makes sense when I see him for the first time, you know, after like a week and a half or so.
6
SPEAKER_00
Mike?
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_02
Is there anything else you want to say to the people at the computer before we go?
6
SPEAKER_00
I just love each other and be good to yourself and be good to the people that you love.
6
SPEAKER_00
And thank you very much, Geck.
6
SPEAKER_02
All right, man.
6
SPEAKER_02
Have a good time at the car show.
6
SPEAKER_02
See if they have a Batmobile or some shit.
6
SPEAKER_00
Oh, I will.
6
SPEAKER_00
I ll take pictures if I find one and I ll shoot one over to you.
6
SPEAKER_01
Hell yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
I m going to get a picture of a Batmobile.