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Coming up next on Passion Struck... People inspire you or they drain you.
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Pick them wisely.
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This impactful statement from author and speaker Hans F. Hansen cuts to the heart of a vital lesson.
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The people in our lives can either be sources of inspiration or drains of our energy.
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The relationships that we cultivate and the company we keep have the profound ability to influence our emotions, shape our perspectives, and fundamentally impact our overall well-being.
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Welcome to Passion Struck.
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Hi, I m your host, John R. Miles, and on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world s most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you.
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Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.
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If you re new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays.
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We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes.
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Now, let s go out there and become Passion Struck.
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Hello, friends, and welcome back to Momentum Friday and episode 387 of Passion Struck.
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And thank you to each and every one of you who come back weekly to listen and learn how to live better, be better, and impact the world.
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My new book, Passion Struck, which was just recognized by the Next Big Idea Club as a must read for 2024, is now available for preorder.
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And if you order now, you ll get over $300 worth of free gifts that I personally curated for my audience.
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Just go to passionstruck.com forward slash passionstruckbook to order.
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If you re new to the show, thank you so much for being here, or if you simply want to introduce this, you re a friend or a family member, and we love it when you do that.
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We have episode starter packs that are collections of our fans  favorite episodes that we organize into convenient playlists that give any new listener a great way to get acclimated to everything that we do here on the show.
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Either go to passionstruck.com slash starter packs or Spotify to get started.
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In case you missed it, earlier in the week, I had three amazing guests.
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The first was Dr. Lucina Aronica, a Stanford lecturer and an expert on genetics, epigenetics, and personalized nutrition.
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I also did a live interview, the first one I ve ever done, with Hal Elrod to help celebrate and discuss the updated version of his amazing book, The Miracle Morning.
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Lastly, I had a fascinating conversation with Dr. Richard Ryan, the co-founder of the Self-Determination Theory, and we explore the three psychological needs for optimal wellbeing.
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Please check them all out, and I also wanted to say thank you so much for your ratings and reviews.
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If you loved today s episode or any of the three that I just mentioned, we would so appreciate you giving it a five-star rating and review.
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These go such a long way in bringing more people into the Passion Start community where we can bring them hope, meaning, and inspiration.
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I also know we and our guests love to hear from you and see your comments.
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Now let s talk about today s Momentum Friday episode.
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As the festive lights twinkle and carols fill the air, the holiday season ushers in a time of togetherness, celebration, and often unspoken pressure.
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It s the silent expectation to revel in every moment, to declare New Year s Eve the pinnacle of festivity, or to embrace Christmas with open arms and hearts, which sometimes can feel overwhelming.
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This dichotomy of the holiday spirit is poignantly captured in the Band of Horses song, The Funeral, which subtly touches upon the aversion that many feel towards these special occasions.
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A song serves as a metaphor for the reluctance and emotional turmoil that can accompany holiday gatherings, particularly when faced with the toxicity that can arise from family and friend circles.
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But how do you navigate these complex dynamics without sacrifice?
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sacrificing personal well-being and joy?
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The answer lies in the mosquito principle, a philosophy that I explore in my upcoming book, Passion Struck, 12 Powerful Principles to Unlock Your Purpose and Ignite Your Most Intentional Life.
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Just as mosquitoes are small yet capable of inflicting significant harm,
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Certain individuals in our social circles can be sources of negativity draining our energy and dampening our festive spirit.
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These human mosquitoes, whether they be the bloodsuckers who disregard boundaries, the invisible suffocators who view the world pessimistically, or those who consistently disrupt harmony, can make holiday gatherings a source of stress rather than celebration.
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In this episode, I m going to dive into actionable strategies to harness the mosquito principle during the holiday season.
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I will guide you through identifying these draining influences, setting effective boundaries, and fostering relationships that support and uplift you.
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Our journey will arm you with strategies not just to survive, but to flourish amidst the holiday bustle and hustle.
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So as we prepare to navigate this season of festivity, let s equip ourselves with the tools not just to survive,
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but to thrive in the face of holiday challenges.
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Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life.
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Now, let that journey begin.
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I want to start today s episode out by telling you a story.
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Let s envision a scenario at the Harper family s Christmas Eve dinner.
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The Harper household is bustling with holiday cheer, a beautifully decorated Christmas tree in the corner of the living room, and the smell of a sumptuous feast wafting through the air.
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Emma Harper, the youngest daughter, feels a mix of excitement and unease about the dinner.
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Her Aunt Linda, who she dreads interacting with,
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is also attending.
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Linda, known for her critical comments, often leaves Emma feeling belittled and self-conscious.
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As the family settles down for dinner, conversations flow around the table.
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When the topic shifts to Emma s recent career change, Linda seizes the opportunity to question Emma s decision.
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She makes passive-aggressive remarks, casting doubt on Emma s choices and their future prospects.
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Without a strategy to manage the situation, Emma finds herself increasingly uncomfortable.
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She attempts to defend her decisions, but feels overwhelmed by Linda s relentless questions and skepticism.
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Her responses become less assured, and she gradually withdraws from the conversation, feeling deflated and anxious.
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The rest of the evening passes in a blur for Emma.
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She remains quiet, her joy overshadowed by the previous exchange.
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The lively chatter and laughter around her feel distant.
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as she ruminates over Linda s words, questioning her own decisions.
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This experience highlights a common dilemma faced during family gatherings, dealing with friends or relatives whose comments and behavior can significantly dampen our spirits.
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For Emma and many others in similar situations, a method to handle such situations gracefully and assertively is crucial.
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Next, I will introduce the Mosquito Principle, a concept that could have empowered Emma
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to navigate this challenging situation differently, maintaining her well-being and the enjoyment of the holiday season.
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This principle offers a strategic approach to identifying and managing the human mosquitoes that we find in our lives, transforming our experience of family gatherings,
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as well as social interactions.
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In the wake of Emma Harper s challenging experience at her family s Christmas Eve celebration, it becomes evident that a proactive approach is needed to handle such difficult situations.
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This is where the mosquito principle comes into play, offering a practical and empowering strategy to deal with the human mosquitoes that we encounter, especially during emotionally charged holiday gatherings.
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The mosquito principle is a metaphor concept that likens certain individuals in our social circles to mosquitoes.
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These are the people who, much like the insects, can cause irritation and harm in subtle yet persistent manners.
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They can be the family members who overstep their boundaries, the friends who constantly criticize, or the colleagues who undermine our confidence.
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For Emma and many others facing similar situations,
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Recognizing these toxic influences is the first step towards managing them effectively.
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The Mosquito Principle provides a framework for understanding these dynamics and developing strategies to protect one s emotional well-being.
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Here are some key components of the principle.
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Let s first go through identification.
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It s so vital to learn to identify the mosquitoes in your life.
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Are they the bloodsuckers who drain your energy?
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The invisible suffocators who spread negativity?
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Or the pain in the asses who constantly create conflict?
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Next comes awareness.
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You need to cultivate awareness of how these different mosquitoes affect you.
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Do they leave you feeling drained, anxious, or upset?
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Recognizing these emotional responses is crucial in taking the next steps, which leads us to boundary setting.
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This might mean limiting your interaction with these individuals, changing the way that you respond to them, or finding ways to detach emotionally from their influence.
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Had Emma been equipped with the Mosquito Principle during her holiday dinner, her approach to Aunt Linda s criticism could have been markedly different.
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Instead of withdrawing, she could have set a boundary or changed the subject, thereby maintaining her composure and enjoyment of the evening s activities.
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In the next section, we ll explore how to identify the mosquitoes in your own life, drawing from Emma s experience and providing practical tips to recognize and manage these challenging interactions.
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This knowledge is key to transforming your experience of holiday gatherings and ensuring that they are occasions of joy and celebration, not stress and discomfort.
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Drawing lessons from Emma Harper s experience, we can see
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the importance in identifying the human mosquitoes in our lives.
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These individuals can turn joyful occasions into sources of stress and discomfort.
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Recognizing who they are and understanding their impact on us is the first step in applying the mosquito principle.
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So let s go through the different mosquitoes you can encounter.
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The first is the boundary crosser, which I call the bloodsucker.
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This is akin to Aunt Linda and Emma s scenario.
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They often disregard personal boundaries, making intrusive comments or demands.
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They might question your life choices or offer unsolicited advice that leaves you feeling undermined.
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Then there s the pessimist, which I call the invisible suffocator.
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These individuals have a knack of spreading negativity.
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Their pessimistic outlook and tendency to complain can dampen the mood of any gathering.
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And then there s the conflict creator, which I label the PETA or pain in the ass.
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They thrive on drama and often stir up conflict.
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causing tension and unease in social situations.
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So what are some steps that you can take to recognize these influences?
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The first is to reflect on past interactions.
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Who left you feeling drained or upset?
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What behaviors or comments triggered those responses?
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Next, notice your emotional and physical responses during your interactions.
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Do you feel tense, anxious, or exhausted?
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These can be indicators of a mosquito presence.
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And then lastly, look for patterns of behavior.
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Does a particular person always criticize others or bring up controversial topics that can lead to arguments?
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By identifying these mosquitoes, you can begin to understand their influence on your well-being.
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This awareness is crucial in developing strategies to mitigate their impact and to protect your emotional health.
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Next, I m going to dive into some effective strategies for setting boundaries.
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This will include how to assert yourself in situations like Emma s and maintain your sense of peace and enjoyment during holiday gatherings.
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By mastering these techniques, you can transform potentially stressful situations into opportunities for personal empowerment and positive interactions.
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Having identified the mosquitoes in our lives, the next vital step is setting boundaries.
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This is crucial for maintaining emotional well-being, especially in situations like Emma s, where family dynamics during the holidays can be challenging.
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Boundaries are essential for safeguarding our physical, emotional, and mental well-being.
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They act as invisible walls, defining what we are and what we are not comfortable with, and protecting us from the harmful influence of others.
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Setting boundaries is a concept rooted in psychological health.
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It involves understanding and communicating one s limits and needs in relationships.
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Numerous studies have demonstrated the significance of boundaries in determining acceptable behavior and communicating personal limits, thereby reducing the likelihood of experiencing harmful or disrespectful treatment.
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Proper boundaries prevent burnout, reduce resentment, and promote self-respect.
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They are also key to healthy, mutually respectful relationships, which can contribute to a more balanced and successful life.
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Despite the importance of this, many still struggle with the guilt of saying no and setting their personal boundaries.
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This shouldn t be.
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So how do you say no and set healthy boundaries?
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Here are some tips to get you started and to help work your way through.
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The first is to identify your priorities.
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What is most important to you in your life?
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Your health?
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your family, your career.
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Knowing your priorities can help you set boundaries for what you are willing to commit to and what you are not willing to.
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Second, communicate your boundaries.
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Make sure that you articulate them respectively and clearly.
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If you re uncomfortable with certain topics of discussion,
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like Emma with her career choices.
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Communicate this directly.
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For example, say, I appreciate your interest in my career, but I m not comfortable discussing it tonight.
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Third, consistency is key.
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Don t be swayed by guilt trips or manipulation.
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Once you ve communicated your boundaries, stick to them consistently.
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This helps others to understand your limits and respect them over time.
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Fourth, plan for challenging situations.
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Think ahead of the potential scenarios where your boundaries might be pushed and plan how you re going to respond.
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This preparation can help you feel more confident and in control.
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And then fifth, self-advocacy.
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Remember that it s okay to prioritize your well-being and say no when something doesn t align with your values or goals.
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Advocating for yourself is not selfish.
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It s necessary for your mental and emotional health.
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Now, let s examine implementing boundaries in practice by going back to Emma s story.
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If Emma had set clear boundaries with Aunt Linda, the dinner could have unfolded differently.
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By respectfully but firmly redirecting the discussion or choosing not to engage with critical comments, Emma could have maintained her composure and enjoyment of the evening.
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In the next section, I will explore how to nurture and build supportive relationships.
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This is crucial for balancing the negative impact on mosquitoes and creating a positive, uplifting environment during holiday gatherings and in everyday life.
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After establishing how to set boundaries for the mosquitoes in our lives, it s equally important to focus on cultivating supportive and
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positive relationships.
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These relationships can serve as a counterbalance to the negative influences and enhance our overall well-being, especially during emotionally charged times like the holidays.
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Supportive relationships are those that bring positivity, mutual respect, and understanding in our lives.
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They are the antidote to the draining effects of the mosquitoes.
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So how do you build these supportive relationships?
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First, seek common ground.
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Look for individuals who share similar interests, values, or experiences.
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Common ground can be the foundation for supportive and meaningful connections.
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Second, be open to new connections.
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Sometimes supportive individuals may be outside of your current circle.
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Be open to forming new relationships, whether it s through community events, social gatherings, or even online platforms.
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Third, foster reciprocity.
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A supportive relationship is a two-way street.
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Be as willing to offer support and understanding as you are receiving it.
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Fourth, communicate effectively.
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Just as with setting boundaries, clear and open communication is key in building and maintaining supportive relationships.
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Share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences honestly.
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Show appreciation.
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Acknowledge and appreciate the support that you receive.
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Gratitude can strengthen bonds and create a positive cycle of mutual support.
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So once you ve established these supportive relationships, how do you go about nurturing them?
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The key here is to invest time and effort.
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Like any valuable aspect of life, relationships require time and effort to grow.
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Regular check-ins, shared activities, and meaningful conversations can deepen these relationships.
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Next, you need to be a supportive presence.
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offer your support to others, listen actively, provide encouragement, and be there for them in challenging times.
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And lastly, celebrate success together.
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Sharing in each other s successes and joys can further cement your bond and create lasting positive emotions.
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Now, let s revisit Emma s experience through the lens of supportive relationships.
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If Emma had focused on nurturing supportive relationships within her family or friends circle, she might have found allies during the challenging interactions that she had with Aunt Linda.
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These supportive individuals could have offered encouragement or even help steer the conversation in a more positive direction.
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Next, I m going to explore the final piece of the equation in navigating holiday situations with mosquitoes.
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How to manage emotional challenges and using those experiences for personal growth.
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This will tie together the different components of the mosquito principle.
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offering a comprehensive approach to handling complex family dynamics during the holidays.
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So let s now dive into how to confront emotional hurdles.
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It s critical to address the emotional challenges that arise and how these experiences can be channeled towards personal growth.
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This approach not only helps in dealing with immediate stressors, but also contributes a long-term emotional resilience and self-awareness.
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Holiday gatherings can be emotionally charged,
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with family gatherings often bringing up past issues or sensitivities.
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These emotional landscapes are as diverse as they are intense, making it crucial to manage them with care and understanding.
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It s normal to feel a range of emotions, from anxiety and frustration to sadness and nostalgia.
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Here are some proactive strategies that you can take to manage emotional challenges during the holidays.
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The first is to acknowledge the emotional weight, confronting the emotional hurdles of distancing.
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requires a genuine acknowledgement of the weight carried by these relationships.
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Recognizing your feelings as they arise gives you the opportunity to respond thoughtfully rather than to react impulsively.
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Next, seek emotional support.
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In the face of such emotional challenges, seeking external support becomes paramount.
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Sharing your feelings with trusted friends, family members, or mental health professionals
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can provide a necessary outlet for processing emotions, fostering a sense of validation and understanding.
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Third, cultivate self-compassion.
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Recognize that prioritizing personal well-being is not just justified, but it s crucial, is an essential aspect of this journey.
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Self-compassion involves treating yourself with self-kindness.
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and acknowledging that the decision to distance is an act of self-preservation rather than selflessness.
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Next, you need to exercise patience.
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The emotional ties formed over time cannot be severed hastily, and the process may unfold gradually.
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Embracing patience allows for the natural ebb and flow of emotions, facilitating a healthier emotional transition and a more sustainable path to healing.
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And then lastly, it s important to reflect on our experiences.
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After the gatherings, take some time to reflect on what transpired.
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What did you learn about yourself?
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How did you handle challenging situations?
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This reflection can be a powerful tool for personal growth.
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By implementing these strategies, you create the space needed to distance yourself from negative influences,
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This intentional shift paves the way for more positive, empowering relationships, fundamentally altering the experiences of your holiday gatherings and well beyond.
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As we conclude, it s clear that navigating holiday gatherings with the metaphorical mosquito audit is not just about surviving the season, but thriving through these challenges.
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Each interaction, each moment of discomfort, and every step towards setting boundaries and self-care is a building block
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towards a more resilient, self-aware, and emotionally healthy life.
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The mosquito principle, therefore, is not just a holiday strategy, but a blueprint for personal growth and emotional empowerment.
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In proactively curating our social circle, we do more than just protect ourselves from the draining effects of mosquitoes.
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We create a fertile ground
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for a fulfilling, purpose-driven life enriched by relationships that uplift, inspire, and encourage us to be our best selves.
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As we chart this new course, let us embrace the fluidity of growth and change, recognizing the intentional choices that we make.
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in our relationships, and the boundaries that we set play a pivotal role in shaping the trajectory of our lives.
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The principles of the Mosquito Audit guide us in this endeavor, ensuring that our connections enhance, rather than hinder, our path to a vibrant, purposeful existence.
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I hope you all enjoyed the show, and I wanted to thank everyone who wrote in this week and especially those who listened.
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Links to the transcripts will be in the show notes.
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Videos are on YouTube at both John R. Miles and PassionStruckClips.
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Advertise your deals and discount codes in one community place at passionstruck.com slash deals.
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You can find me on all the social platforms at John R. Miles.
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You can sign up for my personal development newsletter, Live Intentionally, on the PassionStruck website, or you can sign up for my work-related newsletter, Work Intentionally, on LinkedIn.
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You re about to hear a preview of the PassionStruck Podcast interview that I did with Maria Menounos, an American television presenter, author, and podcast host.
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Maria hosted Extra and E!
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News, was a TV correspondent for Today, Access Hollywood, author and podcast host, was a TV correspondent for Today, Access Hollywood, and also co-hosted Miss Universe 2023.
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Our conversation is a really deep and profound episode.
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with her about the low and high points in her life and how she ended up managing through them.
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We have to take a lot more ownership over the health care situation in our lives because the doctors are overwhelmed.
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You know your body better than anybody at the end of the day.
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You have to keep fighting for answers.
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You have to keep pushing.
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If something isn t feeling right, you ve got to keep going and getting a new doctor if your doctor is maybe gaslighting you.
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And that s happened to me, too.
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You just have to keep pushing.
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If the pain persists, so should you.
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You got to keep looking.
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Remember that we rise by lifting others.
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So share the show with those that you love and care about.
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And if you know someone who is struggling with toxicity during the holidays, then definitely share this episode with them.
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The greatest compliment that you can give us is to share the show with those that you love and care about.
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In the meantime, do your best to apply what you hear on the show so that you can live what you listen.
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Until next time, go out there and become passion struck.