0
SPEAKER_00
I bought it at Lazy Acres.
0
SPEAKER_00
The bar section.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s so sexy.
0
SPEAKER_00
It is.
0
SPEAKER_00
It turns me on.
0
SPEAKER_00
I feel like I will meet my soulmate at Lazy Acres.
0
SPEAKER_00
It has the vibes.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, also, I leave for London.
0
SPEAKER_00
I have to go to London.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh my god.
0
SPEAKER_00
For my film on Sunday.
0
SPEAKER_00
On Sunday as in like in two days?
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I know.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s kind of nuts.
0
SPEAKER_00
And then you re back in a week?
0
SPEAKER_00
I m back in a week, yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
I decided to stay a week.
0
SPEAKER_00
And my two producers and I are just like, let s just like…
0
SPEAKER_01
Bye.
0
SPEAKER_01
Have fun in London.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh my god.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m so happy for you.
0
SPEAKER_01
I have restaurant racks.
0
SPEAKER_01
You do?
0
SPEAKER_01
Wait, yes.
0
SPEAKER_01
I have to give you all.
0
SPEAKER_01
Last time I stayed at the Connaught, which is in Marleybone.
0
SPEAKER_01
Ooh.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
0
SPEAKER_01
It was so nice.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_01
Do you ever split up hotels on trips?
0
SPEAKER_00
I literally thought about doing it and pulling a Monica and telling them like, do you guys want to stay?
0
SPEAKER_00
Because I loved a hotel that is only available for half of the time.
0
SPEAKER_00
And one of the people on the trip is a wheelchair user.
0
SPEAKER_00
And oh my God, I, you know, never have to do the work of finding an accessible hotel or room.
0
SPEAKER_00
I think every non-disabled person should have to do it to realize just how much of a pain it is.
0
SPEAKER_00
So the hotel that was, you know, had the accessible room only had an accessible room for a certain amount of time, or the hotel that s accessible doesn t have the accessible room available.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s nuts.
0
SPEAKER_00
Like, so we found a place.
0
SPEAKER_00
So anyway, but all this to say that I almost suggested, you know, it s the official term, pulling a Monica, and they didn t know what that meant.
0
SPEAKER_00
I think we need to spread the word.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_00
What are the pros and cons?
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_00
Because I only… I just think of cons.
0
SPEAKER_00
Like I m like, oh, I have to move all my stuff.
0
SPEAKER_00
But what are the pros?
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_01
Well, I feel… I feel responsible to say… I don t think we can call it pulling a Monica.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_01
Because I learned it from someone.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh, I see.
0
SPEAKER_01
And it would be appropriation.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, cultural appropriation.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s probably not cultural appropriation because he s a tall, white, straight man.
0
SPEAKER_00
Uh-huh.
0
SPEAKER_00
Reverse cultural.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
I think it would be more just not giving credit where credit is due.
0
SPEAKER_00
Sure.
0
SPEAKER_01
And you know that s a big trigger for me.
0
SPEAKER_00
When white tall men don t get... Did you say he s tall or did I make that up?
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, he is very tall.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_00
What s his name?
0
SPEAKER_00
Give him the credit.
0
SPEAKER_00
I wonder if he ll be mad.
0
SPEAKER_00
I don t think he will.
0
SPEAKER_01
Max.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m not doing like a pseudonym.
0
SPEAKER_01
Dax would love for me to say it was him.
0
SPEAKER_01
Max.
0
SPEAKER_01
I think we should maybe call it maxing out.
0
SPEAKER_01
That s good.
0
SPEAKER_01
That s good.
0
SPEAKER_01
I love that.
0
SPEAKER_01
Maxing out.
0
SPEAKER_01
Maxing out means when you go to a destination, you do some nights at one hotel and then you do other nights at another hotel.
0
SPEAKER_01
another hotel.
0
SPEAKER_01
I learned this because Callie, Max, and I went to San Sebastian last year.
0
SPEAKER_01
Last summer, I think.
0
SPEAKER_01
Last summer, yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
And we went.
0
SPEAKER_01
He planned the whole thing, which was unbelievable.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s his favorite food town in the world.
0
SPEAKER_01
And San Sebastian has the most amazing food.
0
SPEAKER_01
So he like, and it has, I think, I might get this wrong, but luckily we don t have a fact check on this show.
0
SPEAKER_01
I think it has the most like Michelin star restaurants per capita or something, per square mile, something.
0
SPEAKER_01
There s a ton of them.
0
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
0
SPEAKER_01
So he planned all these reservations, and then he made the hotel reservations, and I was like, oh, this is interesting.
0
SPEAKER_01
We re doing two hotels.
0
SPEAKER_01
And at first I thought it was just because one area was really far away or something, but it wasn t.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh, he s on purpose.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it was on purpose.
0
SPEAKER_00
He maxed out on purpose.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay, maxing out is, you have to deliberately do it.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s not just like you re shoved into a corner to do it.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s a deliberate decision.
0
SPEAKER_01
For him it is because he loves this one hotel and it s really close to town.
0
SPEAKER_01
You can walk to town and that s when you do all these cool kind of tapas, they call them pinchos there, eating.
0
SPEAKER_01
And the other has this insane view over the ocean and there s a Michelin star restaurant in the hotel and it s very architectural and cool.
0
SPEAKER_01
So the hotels offer very different pros.
0
SPEAKER_01
Sure.
0
SPEAKER_01
A big pro is that you just get two different types of things happening in one trip.
0
SPEAKER_01
And for me, what I realized is it really elongated the trip.
0
SPEAKER_01
Because then I did it in New York, which is why you wanted to call it pulling a Monica, but really it s maxing out.
0
SPEAKER_01
I stayed at the Carlisle for a couple days, and then I stayed at the Bowery for a couple days.
0
SPEAKER_01
And it made the trip feel so much longer than it was.
0
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
0
SPEAKER_00
Interesting.
0
SPEAKER_00
Because you re diversifying.
0
SPEAKER_00
And also while you re at one place, you re looking for like, this is just step one.
0
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
0
SPEAKER_00
You re not counting down the days of your trip.
0
SPEAKER_01
That s what I do sometimes as soon as I get to the place.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m just like, oh my God, only four days left.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh, only three days.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like, I freak out a little bit.
0
SPEAKER_01
So this kind of disrupts that thinking, because then you re on a different train of thought, which is, okay, in two days, I m going to go there.
0
SPEAKER_00
That s how time, right?
0
SPEAKER_00
Like, they talk about how to make time feel like it s passing slower, which is something we re all trying to do all the time with, you know, in some anti-aging, longevity studies, whatever.
0
SPEAKER_00
Optimization.
0
SPEAKER_00
Optimization.
0
SPEAKER_00
But there s ways that they ve found out, like, how to make your weekend last longer is just to do more things.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
So if you, you know, obviously sometimes I just want to veg out and I don t want to do anything and I don t want to go and, you know, I just, I want to be, right?
0
SPEAKER_00
But the weekends where I felt sometimes like the most like, ugh, kind of dragging my feet going out, even though I don t want to do it.
0
SPEAKER_00
When the weekend s over, I m like, oh my God, it felt like more than two days.
0
SPEAKER_00
Whereas if I don t do anything and I kind of edge out, then it, I don t know, it doesn t feel as, because basically time is time obviously, but it s totally subjective the way that we
0
SPEAKER_00
measure it.
0
SPEAKER_00
So one minute could go by when we re eating ice cream and it will go by super fast because ice cream is so good.
0
SPEAKER_00
And then one minute will go by where we re getting a transnational ultrasound and it feels like 10 minutes, right?
0
SPEAKER_00
Because it s painful.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s like, so it s like tricking your brain a little bit.
0
SPEAKER_00
And so I think that s what maxing out is doing.
0
SPEAKER_00
You re kind of tricking your brain to feel like it s longer, even though you re not there longer.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s two trips in one.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
But see, like, I m such a creature of habit.
0
SPEAKER_00
Even going to one hotel, changing beds for me is a whole thing.
0
SPEAKER_00
A big deal.
0
SPEAKER_00
And like the first night I probably won t sleep well.
0
SPEAKER_00
I ll need a little Benadryl or something like that.
0
SPEAKER_00
And then like the second night I ll kind of get used to all the things and the sounds and like, and then I d be like moving.
0
SPEAKER_00
So I d have to figure out how to manage that.
0
SPEAKER_01
It might not be for everyone.
0
SPEAKER_01
Maxing out might not be for everyone.
0
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
0
SPEAKER_01
That s a really good question because I don t have that.
0
SPEAKER_01
When I m in big cities, it really is about big city travel.
0
SPEAKER_01
That s maybe fair to say.
0
SPEAKER_01
If I m going to Hawaii, I want to go to a nice hotel and then just be there.
0
SPEAKER_01
Sure.
0
SPEAKER_01
Relax.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
Not move.
0
SPEAKER_01
But big cities, I always feel restricted.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m like, there s not enough
0
SPEAKER_01
meal times.
0
SPEAKER_01
There s not enough.
0
SPEAKER_01
I want to go to multiple hotels because there s so many that are cool and so many that are fun.
0
SPEAKER_01
Right.
0
SPEAKER_01
And you re discovering a whole new neighborhood too.
0
SPEAKER_01
Exactly.
0
SPEAKER_01
That s a huge part of it.
0
SPEAKER_01
It is.
0
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_01
Maxing out.
0
SPEAKER_01
You might accidentally have to max out if you want to go to this hotel.
0
SPEAKER_01
What hotel
0
SPEAKER_01
I ll cut it if you want.
0
SPEAKER_01
Maybe you don t have to cut this.
0
SPEAKER_00
In order to stay in accessible, like again, accessibility, there s like a tax.
0
SPEAKER_00
I just thought my friend, if she s listening, she s going to hate this.
0
SPEAKER_00
I always thought, oh, she s just always staying in nice hotels.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, like Fuji.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
Like me.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
I was like, oh, she must have like expensive tickets.
0
SPEAKER_00
That s pulling a Monica.
0
SPEAKER_00
There we go.
0
SPEAKER_00
That s the difference.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
Overspending.
0
SPEAKER_00
And sometimes you can do both.
0
SPEAKER_00
You can max out and pull a Monica.
0
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
0
SPEAKER_00
Good for you.
0
SPEAKER_00
If you can do that.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
There s a lot of opportunities, people.
0
SPEAKER_00
But yeah, I just thought, oh, she must be, she just has like, she likes to stay in really nice places.
0
SPEAKER_00
Now that I ve done the homework, I m like, oh, and the most expensive hotel, when I get on the phone with them, they re like, oh yeah, of course.
0
SPEAKER_00
Most of our luxury, whatever, deluxe room are accessible and actually they have an automatic door.
0
SPEAKER_00
So you just have to put your card and it opens by itself.
0
SPEAKER_00
And she s so nice and she has so many options and it s because it s the most expensive hotel.
0
SPEAKER_00
You know, and so I kind of was like, wow.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s one of those things like, you know, they say on sets, or maybe they don t say this, maybe one person told me this, but there was like a lot of fighting on the set and the director was like, all right, everyone tomorrow is doing someone else s job.
0
SPEAKER_00
So like the sound person is going to be the gaffer or, you know, the director is going to be the intern, right?
0
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
0
SPEAKER_00
And that gives you— It s like an episode of Full House.
0
SPEAKER_00
Is it?
0
SPEAKER_00
Do they do that in Full House?
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
Did I forget that?
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
Even though I ve seen every single episode?
0
SPEAKER_01
when the kids have to be the dads for a day.
0
SPEAKER_01
I don t remember that.
0
SPEAKER_01
I don t remember.
0
SPEAKER_01
I remember it so specifically because they had to make peanut butter and jellies.
0
SPEAKER_01
The meal of the 90s.
0
SPEAKER_00
There was no other meal.
0
SPEAKER_01
They had to make dinner for them, I guess, or lunch.
0
SPEAKER_01
They made peanut butter and jellies.
0
SPEAKER_01
And then Danny Tanner was like, I want my crust cut off.
0
SPEAKER_01
And then, you know, they all are acting like children and being really annoying.
0
SPEAKER_01
And they all learned their lessons.
0
SPEAKER_00
They always learned their lesson.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, that s the thing.
0
SPEAKER_00
It always had the most on-the-nose, but like comforting.
0
SPEAKER_00
And you knew there was gonna be the lesson at the end.
0
SPEAKER_00
I know.
0
SPEAKER_00
Even how manic it would get or how—be like, they re never gonna get out of this one.
0
SPEAKER_00
They always did.
0
SPEAKER_00
Do you remember the one where Jesse Kitsopolis is—that was his name, right?
0
SPEAKER_00
Uncle Jesse?
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
I think Kitsopolis was his last name.
0
SPEAKER_01
Who s Kitsopolis?
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, that was his last name?
1
SPEAKER_01
I don t know that.
1
SPEAKER_01
I think it s right.
1
SPEAKER_01
His uncle or something came into town.
1
SPEAKER_01
He was obsessed with his uncle, and I think his uncle died.
1
SPEAKER_01
He did on the show.
1
SPEAKER_01
Wow, you don t remember it.
1
SPEAKER_00
I really don t remember much.
1
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I haven t rewatched.
1
SPEAKER_00
Do you know what it s like?
1
SPEAKER_00
I m re-watching Full House.
1
SPEAKER_00
Honestly, I m like this close to just re-watching Full House.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m just re-watching Friends.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s all I can take.
1
SPEAKER_00
I need predictability.
1
SPEAKER_00
But maybe we re-watch Full House.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think some parts of it are going to be a little… I don t know if it… Cringy.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if it holds up.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if it holds.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like… Do you remember that… Okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_00
This might be too creepy but like… I don t know how my uncle Jesse would like kiss them on the lips.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay, this is interesting.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay, you mean the Marrikate National?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
I do remember that.
1
SPEAKER_01
But also, I don t know, I guess it s weird in context that it s a show and that an adult was kissing not his family on the lips.
1
SPEAKER_01
But in life, do you think it s weird for dads or uncles to kiss on the lips?
1
SPEAKER_00
This is a good question, actually.
1
SPEAKER_00
I ll say this, okay?
1
SPEAKER_00
I feel like when I watch stuff that happened in the 90s, whether it s an episode of Full House or like a home video we were watching with my family a couple of Christmases ago.
1
SPEAKER_00
It was like our daycare.
1
SPEAKER_00
They had Santa Claus come in and give us presents or whatever.
1
SPEAKER_00
We re all watching together and all of a sudden, Kat s brother is sitting on the lap of Santa Claus and then he walks out and then someone says, give a kiss to Santa.
1
SPEAKER_00
And Santa kissed him on the lips.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay, that s bad.
1
SPEAKER_00
But no one went, oh my God, everyone was like, woohoo.
1
SPEAKER_00
So I just feel like the 90s stuff was happening.
1
SPEAKER_00
It was different.
1
SPEAKER_00
It was a different time.
1
SPEAKER_00
And my position is, I think it s up to the family and I think it s great, whatever you want to do.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t have any qualms about it, but it s not the most mainstream, put it on TV.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s not the model that we should be making people obey to.
1
SPEAKER_00
It should be the thing that you want to do if you want to do it.
1
SPEAKER_00
But that it s so normalized, I think is maybe a little.
1
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_01
I find this conflicting because I used to kiss my dad on the lips, I think, until I stopped saying goodnight at night.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, when did you stop saying goodnight?
1
SPEAKER_01
I don t remember how it happened or when it happened, but I used to before bed every night, like go find my dad and say goodnight and we would kiss.
1
SPEAKER_00
Ew.
1
SPEAKER_01
See?
1
SPEAKER_01
I know, but it s not.
1
SPEAKER_00
I know.
1
SPEAKER_00
I know.
1
SPEAKER_01
I don t think it s gross.
1
SPEAKER_01
It wasn t gross at all.
1
SPEAKER_01
I would give him a kiss.
1
SPEAKER_01
That phrasing does sound weird.
1
SPEAKER_01
We would kiss.
1
SPEAKER_01
You re right.
1
SPEAKER_01
That phrase of go give someone a kiss.
1
SPEAKER_00
was common.
1
SPEAKER_00
And now it s in, especially with gentle parenting and, you know, the way that I think kids are being raised.
1
SPEAKER_00
I feel like I ve seen like Instagram carousels about this of like, you shouldn t even like a hug, like that you shouldn t have to force a child to be affectionate.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yes, I ve, I agree.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I ve heard that too.
1
SPEAKER_01
But also, Dax kisses the kids on the lips all the time.
1
SPEAKER_01
I kiss Delta on the lips.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s just like the way those relationships progress.
1
SPEAKER_01
So, it s not a blanket.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s for everyone to know their comfort level, I guess.
1
SPEAKER_01
But I definitely don t think there s anything wrong with it.
1
SPEAKER_01
I don t think there s anything wrong with it.
1
SPEAKER_01
Except stranger.
1
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I do think it means a stranger and a Santa.
1
SPEAKER_00
And the kid is being told to.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s disgusting.
1
SPEAKER_00
Things that happened in the 90s, I want to think back.
1
SPEAKER_00
I mean, just also the way we were eating, and also the way we re eating now is also nuts.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think it s like, now we can t eat gluten, we can t eat anything.
1
SPEAKER_00
And it s like, well, we were pounding glasses of milk and glasses of orange juice.
1
SPEAKER_00
I remember those cereal commercials where it was just a, yeah, seven million calories.
1
SPEAKER_00
Start your day
1
SPEAKER_00
with just sugar, pure sugar, and then your drink is sugar, and then two pieces of toast with butter.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m like, what?
1
SPEAKER_01
Or cinnamon sugar toast.
1
SPEAKER_00
Cinnamon sugar toast.
1
SPEAKER_00
Just a bunch of butter on bread.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, they re dumping sugar and cinnamon.
1
SPEAKER_01
I love that.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yum.
1
SPEAKER_01
What was your favorite cereal?
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, I love when all of our worlds, our armchair worlds collide.
1
SPEAKER_01
It happens sometimes.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s really fun.
1
SPEAKER_01
We have a flightless bird on cereal.
1
SPEAKER_01
I don t know if it s coming up or it s came out already, but my favorite is Life.
1
SPEAKER_01
Currently or in the past?
1
SPEAKER_01
Currently.
1
SPEAKER_01
And not in the past.
1
SPEAKER_00
When I was young.
1
SPEAKER_00
I was going to say you were so adult.
1
SPEAKER_00
No.
1
SPEAKER_00
No kid.
1
SPEAKER_00
If a kid has Life as a favorite cereal or something.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, it s so good.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s also so sugary.
1
SPEAKER_00
I feel like it s not.
1
SPEAKER_00
Isn t it kind of like Shreddy s?
1
SPEAKER_01
No, you re thinking of shredded wheat.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, okay.
1
SPEAKER_01
Life kind of looks a little bit like shredded wheat.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s much thinner, but it has a bunch of sugar.
1
SPEAKER_01
Now, if I eat it, I eat it for dessert.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay, but back then, I liked Honey Nut Cheerios.
1
SPEAKER_01
Go-to.
1
SPEAKER_01
So good.
1
SPEAKER_01
I still love it.
1
SPEAKER_00
I still love it too.
1
SPEAKER_00
I want it, actually.
1
SPEAKER_00
I want it right now.
1
SPEAKER_00
Can we order?
1
SPEAKER_00
Can you Uber Eats?
1
SPEAKER_01
Why can t you order cereal?
1
SPEAKER_01
You probably can from like Holiday Inn.
1
SPEAKER_00
I love those little breakfasts.
1
SPEAKER_00
I know you make your own pancakes.
1
SPEAKER_00
I love it.
1
SPEAKER_00
I can t if I if there is one at a hotel, I have to have it.
1
SPEAKER_00
Even now post COVID germ wise, I feel like it just but no one really uses it.
1
SPEAKER_00
I feel like it s usually underused.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s why I feel bad.
1
SPEAKER_00
I feel like I want to give it some
1
SPEAKER_00
I m a codependent.
1
SPEAKER_00
Codependent is so awful.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, we made our way back around to hotels, which is we left it open.
1
SPEAKER_01
So you were saying everyone should switch jobs and you were saying it because we really do need to see what it s like to have to be in this world with a disability.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_00
I kind of thought I knew, or I knew, but I didn t know.
1
SPEAKER_00
And yesterday I was so annoyed.
1
SPEAKER_00
I was like, and I kept wanting to just text her or call her and be like, also, it s all UK numbers.
1
SPEAKER_00
So half of them aren t answering or like, and I kept getting mad.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, I m feeling this on a visceral level.
1
SPEAKER_00
This is so frustrating.
1
SPEAKER_00
And it s kind of unfair.
1
SPEAKER_00
This shouldn t be the way that it is.
1
SPEAKER_01
But you found a hotel that has to be a nice one.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yes, it s a nice one in Shoreditch.
1
SPEAKER_00
Because I love Shoreditch.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know, I used to live in London when I did my graduate.
1
SPEAKER_00
Did I know that?
1
SPEAKER_00
I ve never talked about it.
1
SPEAKER_00
But like, you know I did school in London, right?
1
SPEAKER_00
I think I just knew about Denmark.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I went to a lot of places.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay, so you lived there.
1
SPEAKER_00
I lived there.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, and I lived in Islington, like Angel, like so close to Shoreditch.
1
SPEAKER_00
So I really wanted to like go back.
1
SPEAKER_01
Fun.
1
SPEAKER_01
Have you been to Brat in Shoreditch?
1
SPEAKER_01
What s Brat?
1
SPEAKER_01
It s an insane restaurant.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_01
They re known for their
1
SPEAKER_01
whole fish.
1
SPEAKER_01
They grill this whole fish and it s unbelievable.
1
SPEAKER_01
And like, I don t know, I think they just put like salt, pepper, but the way they do it, it comes out and it s so flaky.
1
SPEAKER_01
It has zero fishy taste at all.
1
SPEAKER_01
And it s a white fish.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s so good.
1
SPEAKER_01
And they have these amazing sides, these like peppers.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s one of the best meals.
1
SPEAKER_00
And the shopping in Shoreditch is— I just remember there d be like really cool markets and like— Like vintage stuff.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, vintage stuff.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I m just excited to be not here.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s gonna be nice to escape a little bit.
1
It will be.
1
SPEAKER_01
There was something I was gonna ask you.
1
SPEAKER_01
You went to an event last night.
1
SPEAKER_01
I was supposed to go and I put the wrong thing in the calendar.
1
SPEAKER_00
It happened.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m sorry.
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, because you didn t come, I ended up... Okay, so I invited a friend who s in town.
1
SPEAKER_00
I kind of almost fainted.
1
SPEAKER_00
I wasn t feeling great, but I thought like, okay, it s fine.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m just probably stressed or feeling whatever.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so then I was like, I m going to pass out.
1
SPEAKER_00
Wait, what?
1
SPEAKER_00
While you were there?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yes, while I was at the event, I had one little sip of a, now I m like.
1
SPEAKER_00
I kind of had one sip of a drink, but then— That s okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
I know, because I m trying not to, but whenever I m like— I know, but it shouldn t be for anyone else.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_00
Right.
1
SPEAKER_00
You re right.
1
SPEAKER_00
So I had one sip, and then I was like, oh, I really don t feel well.
1
SPEAKER_00
And we were standing, and I was like, can we sit down?
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, I couldn t, like, stand, but I was like, oh, sitting down is fine.
1
SPEAKER_00
But then I stood up, and I was literally seeing patches of black, and, like, the room was spinning.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh my god.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so then I was like, I m going to pass out.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then my friend took care of me.
1
SPEAKER_00
Wait, who s your friend?
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t think you know him.
1
SPEAKER_00
He s like 10 years younger than me, really sweet.
1
SPEAKER_00
We ended up making out like, like we had like a whole, it was a really, but almost like, I know, I know, I know.
1
SPEAKER_00
But yeah, it was like one of those, like, he s so sweet and so kind.
1
SPEAKER_00
He was doing everything to help me give us deets.
1
SPEAKER_00
So you were—and you said, I m gonna pass out.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, I basically was saying goodbye to the artist, Alexandra Grant, who s amazing.
1
SPEAKER_00
Shout out.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I was talking to her, and I legitimately was like, I m gonna either throw up on her or I m gonna fall down.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so I—as I m walking out, I m telling him, like, I m gonna pass out.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_00
Sometimes this happens.
1
SPEAKER_00
It doesn t happen very often, but I just basically need to get— I have to put my head between my legs.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, it s one of those pressure— I don t really know what it is, but it helps when I put my head between my legs.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so I did that outside.
1
SPEAKER_00
It was so New York, by the way.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, I feel like in LA, people are so proper.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, you never see people cry in public in LA.
1
SPEAKER_00
And in New York, it s a regular… People are kind of a mess, you know?
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, they have to be.
1
SPEAKER_00
They have nowhere else to go.
1
SPEAKER_00
They have nowhere else to go.
1
SPEAKER_00
They don t have cars.
1
SPEAKER_00
And we both don t have a car.
1
SPEAKER_00
So, we were just kind of outside of this event, on this bench, you know?
1
SPEAKER_00
And then we were just… I was just lying on, you know, on his lap.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then he was like, you know, caressing me.
1
SPEAKER_00
Not in a sexual way, but like… Didn t he say, give me a kiss?
1
SPEAKER_00
No, we just kind of were looking each other s eyes.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, thank you so much.
2
SPEAKER_01
He was like, you re amazing.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then we just started kissing and I was like, wow.
2
SPEAKER_01
But then we kept laughing about it.
2
SPEAKER_01
We were like, this is so, people are going to think we re like, but then we d start laughing and then we d like not do it.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then we d do it again.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then we re like, people who are watching out their windows probably think we re like breaking up.
2
SPEAKER_01
We re like, I m lying here.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like, it looks like I m crying, but then we re making out, but then we re not.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God, wow.
2
SPEAKER_01
What a turn of events.
2
SPEAKER_01
I know, I was like, if Monica had come, this would have never happened.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh man, thank God I didn t come.
2
SPEAKER_00
It was a blessing in disguise.
2
SPEAKER_00
Maybe.
2
SPEAKER_01
Maybe it was the universe.
2
SPEAKER_01
Did you feel embarrassed?
2
SPEAKER_00
Yes, of course.
2
SPEAKER_00
You shouldn t feel embarrassed.
2
SPEAKER_00
No, of course.
2
SPEAKER_00
That kind of thing is so triggering for me.
2
SPEAKER_01
I felt awful, and that s why I was so— I kept saying, I m so sorry, I m so sorry.
2
SPEAKER_01
And he was like, no, I just want to make sure you re okay.
2
SPEAKER_01
And what do you need?
2
SPEAKER_01
And what— You know, he just kept being so sweet.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like golden retriever.
2
SPEAKER_01
What do we think happened?
2
SPEAKER_01
To me?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
2
SPEAKER_01
I think it s a mix of my health stuff is up and down and then maybe stressed.
2
SPEAKER_01
Did you eat enough?
2
SPEAKER_01
I did, but I woke— I ve slept a lot the night before because I hadn t slept well the night before.
2
SPEAKER_01
You know, it s just— I think it s—
2
SPEAKER_01
I was worried about not being able to come in today, but I woke up and I feel okay.
2
SPEAKER_00
I really do.
2
SPEAKER_01
I feel okay now.
2
SPEAKER_00
You re probably not taking your element.
2
SPEAKER_00
Actually, I haven t taken element.
2
SPEAKER_00
So that s the cause.
2
SPEAKER_00
That solves it.
2
SPEAKER_00
Electrolytes solve everything.
2
SPEAKER_00
If I had been there, that would have been the first thing I did.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yes, that s true.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s so true.
2
SPEAKER_00
I would have got water.
2
SPEAKER_00
with you, because you always do.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh yeah, I have it on me.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then I would have just poured it and been like, Liz, drink this.
2
SPEAKER_00
Instead of my face in your mouth, I would have shoved the left over.
2
SPEAKER_01
Also, what I love about it is that it was like friends making out.
2
SPEAKER_01
Really?
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
I feel so, I feel the both of us know this is not a thing.
2
SPEAKER_01
And it was kind of nice.
2
SPEAKER_01
I was like, oh, we both just like want to hug someone.
2
SPEAKER_01
He s super attractive.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like we re both attracted to each other, but we re also like, we re not going to, you know.
2
SPEAKER_01
Date.
2
SPEAKER_01
Date.
2
SPEAKER_01
And it was kind of great.
2
SPEAKER_00
We are supported by Way.
2
SPEAKER_01
Liz, you just got back from a festive trip.
2
SPEAKER_01
I did.
2
SPEAKER_01
It was so great.
2
SPEAKER_01
I went to Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park and they had major, major roller coasters.
2
SPEAKER_00
Fun.
2
SPEAKER_00
I love a little winter getaway.
2
SPEAKER_01
Me too.
2
SPEAKER_01
Getaway.
2
SPEAKER_00
Getaway.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh my gosh.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_00
One thing about the winter is my hair gets very crunchy.
2
SPEAKER_00
I guess it s the lack of humidity, it s just dry.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s drier, and you re going to more things, so you re using more styling products, hairspray.
2
SPEAKER_00
That is really true.
2
SPEAKER_00
So it s good for right now to have really good hair and body products.
2
SPEAKER_00
And there s a little slay.
2
SPEAKER_01
When my hair isn t cooperating, I can just use their oil and just make my hair.
2
SPEAKER_01
Just slick, as slick as it s ever been.
2
SPEAKER_00
I love it.
2
SPEAKER_00
I use it for styling like a slick bun or something, but also I just like throw it in my hair and toss it in when it s feeling frizzy and it s so nice.
2
SPEAKER_00
It helps with like the tangles and so easy.
2
SPEAKER_00
Don t miss your chance to get away this holiday season.
2
SPEAKER_00
Go to thehouai.com for 15% off site-wide when you enter promo code SYNC.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s thehouai.com, 15% off with code SYNC.
2
SPEAKER_00
I wish there was more of that.
2
SPEAKER_00
Me too.
2
SPEAKER_00
Of just making out with zero expectations.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s the fear on dates, right?
2
SPEAKER_00
Like there s pressure around the end.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I do think we ve talked about this before.
2
SPEAKER_00
When we were younger, that wasn t as much of a thing.
2
SPEAKER_00
There was less pressure because people were doing less of dating to see if that s going to be a partner.
2
SPEAKER_00
You re just like fucking around.
2
SPEAKER_00
having fun.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s so true.
2
SPEAKER_00
And it doesn t matter.
2
SPEAKER_00
And so you can just make out and then be done with it.
2
SPEAKER_00
But now we re at the age where it s almost, it s kind of impossible to do that.
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, you can tell yourself, oh, I m just having fun.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m just having fun.
2
SPEAKER_00
But in the back of your head, you know that you re looking for something specific.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s like when you go into an audition and you tell yourself, I don t need it.
2
SPEAKER_00
I just like don t even need it.
2
SPEAKER_00
That is the way to book shows is to not need it.
2
SPEAKER_00
But you can t tell yourself to not need it because it s a lie.
2
SPEAKER_00
Of course.
2
SPEAKER_00
What you re saying is so true.
2
SPEAKER_01
And there s so much weight.
2
SPEAKER_01
Dating in your 20s or even before that, it s just, oh, I want to kiss you.
2
SPEAKER_01
I want to kiss you.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s not like, oh, what does it mean?
2
SPEAKER_01
And what is this doing?
2
SPEAKER_01
Like, I wish I could have that brain back.
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, I never had it, by the way.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
I never experienced that.
2
SPEAKER_00
That sucks for me, but I don t think I can now do it.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s not like, well, I didn t do it then, so now I ll do it now.
2
SPEAKER_00
Now, no, I m 36 and now it s time.
2
SPEAKER_00
Time to wrap this up.
2
SPEAKER_00
Or not have one, but this like middle ground I m not all that interested in.
2
SPEAKER_01
Do you feel like you can t do that because of how you feel or because of how it s set up, like the expectations of the other person?
2
SPEAKER_01
Could you just do it for fun or are you not able?
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t think so.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t think I want to.
2
SPEAKER_00
I either want to be alone
2
SPEAKER_00
or be in a committed relationship with security and TV shows at night and stuff like that, and companionship at a constant.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I know the only way to get there is through dating, but I don t like dating.
2
SPEAKER_00
I wanna be at zero or 10.
2
SPEAKER_00
Same.
2
SPEAKER_01
I want to go straight to the sweat pant phase.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
I want to have like two dinners and then like straight to, then we re not ever doing that again.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like watching couples therapy together.
2
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
2
SPEAKER_00
That should be the first day.
2
SPEAKER_00
I almost suggested it to someone of like, do you want to come over and just watch the show?
2
SPEAKER_00
code for let s go make out.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s crazy.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh.
2
SPEAKER_00
Also, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
But then not.
2
SPEAKER_00
As soon as you start that show, it s like not a romantic show.
2
SPEAKER_00
But it is what I want to watch with someone and then talk about.
2
SPEAKER_01
I love this.
2
SPEAKER_01
I think we should both do that.
2
SPEAKER_01
I think we should have dates where we watch couples therapy and then we see… Because you re right.
2
SPEAKER_01
There s an old blah, blah, blah.
2
SPEAKER_01
What do you like to do on the weekends?
2
SPEAKER_01
It s like you re going straight to what matters and how they respond to everything.
2
SPEAKER_01
How they respond to conflict.
2
SPEAKER_01
Whose side they re taking would give you a lot of… I know.
2
SPEAKER_00
I just think that s definitely crazy, but it is what I wish and want.
2
SPEAKER_00
People who tell me they love dating.
2
SPEAKER_00
I love it.
2
SPEAKER_00
And also good for them.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, you re right.
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t.
2
SPEAKER_01
I hate it.
2
SPEAKER_01
I would love someone who loves dating to give us their reasons so that I can understand.
2
SPEAKER_01
Because I would love to love dating.
2
SPEAKER_01
Past the age of like 27, 28, I was like, let s wrap this up.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s hard.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay, so the makeout… So he didn t have the smell.
2
SPEAKER_01
No.
2
SPEAKER_00
Thank God.
2
SPEAKER_00
He doesn t.
2
SPEAKER_01
He had the opposite.
2
SPEAKER_01
It was great.
2
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
2
SPEAKER_00
What a great evening.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
It turned… I mean, again, I almost passed out.
2
SPEAKER_01
I didn t.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then I got a makeout out of it.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s so scary.
2
SPEAKER_01
Have you ever fainted?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s so scary.
2
SPEAKER_01
It is.
2
SPEAKER_01
You re like, what s my body feeling?
2
SPEAKER_01
I have like PTSD from it.
2
SPEAKER_01
When did you faint?
2
SPEAKER_01
It s like having a panic attack or something like that, right?
2
SPEAKER_01
You re like, are you afraid that it ll happen again?
2
SPEAKER_00
Keep happening.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_00
I lived here.
2
SPEAKER_00
I was babysitting for this family.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I don t know what happened.
2
SPEAKER_00
We had been walking a ton.
2
SPEAKER_00
So maybe I probably was low on electrolytes or something weird.
2
SPEAKER_00
It was before I knew.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I was babysitting and it was like, luckily, thank God, the very end.
2
SPEAKER_00
And the mom had come home and I like sat up and I felt this weird sort of like rush of sensation.
2
SPEAKER_00
I was like starting to pass out, but I wanted to just get out.
2
SPEAKER_00
Because the idea of someone else seeing me in that sort of vulnerable position is such a, it s a deal breaker.
2
100%.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I was just like, bye.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like, I just like walked out as I m like stumbling out of there.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like crazy.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then I get in my car and then I was like,
2
SPEAKER_00
I can t.
2
SPEAKER_00
Thank God I had some level of humility.
2
SPEAKER_00
I allowed myself to be vulnerable enough.
2
SPEAKER_00
I went back in.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay, good.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I kind of just fell over.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I feel so bad for the mom because she was like, what s going on?
2
SPEAKER_00
She was so panicked.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, I feel so bad for you.
2
SPEAKER_00
It was so embarrassing.
2
SPEAKER_01
But it s not embarrassing.
2
SPEAKER_01
It feels like it in the— Obviously in the moment, same thing where I was like, I have to get out of here.
2
SPEAKER_01
No one can see this.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_01
Nick can see it, maybe.
2
SPEAKER_01
But even then, I was still like, I m fine, I m fine, I m fine.
2
SPEAKER_01
And while I m, you know, just dying.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
So she took care of you.
2
SPEAKER_00
And she gave me some probably juice.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
As all moms do.
2
SPEAKER_00
And it was fine.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t know what it was.
2
SPEAKER_00
Probably just body doing weird stuff.
2
SPEAKER_00
But I was already at that time in life.
2
SPEAKER_00
I was so anxious.
2
SPEAKER_00
It was when I was having panic attacks and stuff.
2
SPEAKER_00
So it just made it so much worse because then I had so much anxiety about
3
SPEAKER_01
passing out.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
So thank God that phase is over.
3
SPEAKER_01
But it feels- It feels horrifying.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Why?
3
SPEAKER_00
Some people like fainting.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Love it.
3
SPEAKER_00
Love it.
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I feel like we re both like this, where I power through.
3
SPEAKER_00
Sometimes, to your point, I m like, why am I even powering through this?
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, it s— Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
I could just— Yeah, I could have passed out at Fred Segal.
3
SPEAKER_00
You know what I mean?
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, in front of— I mean, the artist is so sweet.
3
SPEAKER_00
Nick was there.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, you know, I wasn t on live television.
3
SPEAKER_00
You know what I mean?
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, it would have been fine, but I was like, I cannot.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s almost like I feel like I couldn t do that to her in a weird way.
3
SPEAKER_01
Right, like ruin the evening would be the reason.
3
SPEAKER_00
Or I d be like the center of attention even though I m bad.
3
SPEAKER_00
I can t help it.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s not like I want to fall and get attention, but it s gonna happen.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I feel like when I get in that mode or again feel like I m gonna throw up, something in my body happens where I just go, no!
3
SPEAKER_00
It s probably bad.
3
SPEAKER_01
It is probably bad.
3
SPEAKER_01
We talked about this last week.
3
SPEAKER_01
Shyness.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s something connected to that of, I don t want to be the center of attention.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t want a bunch of people to see me in a vulnerable state.
3
SPEAKER_00
On top of it, right?
3
SPEAKER_00
That you re not just like, it s also being weak, right?
3
SPEAKER_00
You re falling down.
3
SPEAKER_00
And not weak for me.
3
SPEAKER_01
You can t even stand up.
3
SPEAKER_01
You re right.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s weakness.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I think what I think is worse and definitely comes from being a kid is like, I would feel gross or like ugly.
3
SPEAKER_01
You can t faint cute.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s ugly.
3
SPEAKER_01
I feel like you d still be really cute.
3
SPEAKER_00
No.
3
SPEAKER_00
I ve never seen you in a situation where you weren t cute.
3
SPEAKER_00
Even like post-egg freezing, like you re always cute.
3
SPEAKER_01
You saw me not faint.
3
SPEAKER_01
I didn t faint, but I was in a compromised state.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I brought you juice.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, you did.
3
SPEAKER_01
It was so sweet.
3
SPEAKER_01
But I wasn t embarrassed.
3
SPEAKER_01
You weren t?
3
SPEAKER_01
In front of you.
3
SPEAKER_01
No, I wasn t.
3
SPEAKER_01
That makes me feel good.
3
SPEAKER_01
But we weren t in public.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s something about being in public.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
I hate it.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m like an animal that just needs to go die on its own.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
Don t see me like this.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
That is bad.
3
SPEAKER_00
I think we re trying to come off as strong and not like perfect.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
3
SPEAKER_00
And we re not comfortable when people take care of us or people have to.
3
SPEAKER_01
Are you comfortable in relationships when people are taking care of you?
3
SPEAKER_00
I think so.
3
SPEAKER_00
I am, actually.
3
SPEAKER_00
I haven t been in a long-term relationship with someone who wouldn t.
3
SPEAKER_00
There s people I ve dated who I would have felt bad to be sick in front of because I think they didn t have the capacity or the interest.
3
SPEAKER_00
But in long-term relationships, yes.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s still hard for them to see you in that way, but I ve been lucky that they ve always been very, even last night with Nick, like, because Nick was so
3
SPEAKER_00
What do you need?
3
SPEAKER_00
What can I do? 
3
SPEAKER_00
And I felt like I wasn t putting him out.
3
SPEAKER_00
I felt the opposite, like he just really wanted to help.
3
SPEAKER_00
He wanted to take care of you.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
3
SPEAKER_00
And so that, you know, I hope when we were together and you weren t feeling well, that then that cancels out that feeling of having to apologize, which obviously I did, but still, I didn t feel the need to make it up to him or something like that.
3
SPEAKER_00
Right.
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, you made it up to him.
3
SPEAKER_00
I did.
3
SPEAKER_00
We made it up to each other.
3
SPEAKER_00
It made me feel better.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, that s so great.
3
SPEAKER_00
Have you ever— Wait, what about you?
3
SPEAKER_00
Do you feel— Well, I ve never had one.
3
SPEAKER_00
But with close friends and family and stuff?
3
SPEAKER_01
I still don t like people seeing something very vulnerable, like puking or shitting or something.
3
SPEAKER_01
I need to be on my own for that.
3
SPEAKER_01
But I ll let people like
3
SPEAKER_01
you know, peek their head in and bring juice.
3
SPEAKER_01
And yeah, I guess.
3
SPEAKER_01
So maybe middle ground.
3
SPEAKER_01
But what s so funny is I love
3
SPEAKER_01
Like I love, well, that s the whole like weird fetish.
3
SPEAKER_01
What do you mean?
3
SPEAKER_01
Wait, you know about my weird fetish?
3
SPEAKER_01
You don t know about this?
3
SPEAKER_00
No.
3
SPEAKER_01
Really?
3
SPEAKER_01
No.
3
SPEAKER_01
Wait, what?
3
SPEAKER_01
I can t believe you don t know that.
3
SPEAKER_01
I mean, this is like Taylor s oldest time.
3
SPEAKER_01
People know it who are listening probably.
3
SPEAKER_01
So sorry.
3
SPEAKER_01
Sorry to have to hear this again.
3
SPEAKER_01
But I have been thinking about it more lately.
3
SPEAKER_01
So maybe it s good we re talking about it.
3
SPEAKER_01
When I was young, very young, age five, six, seven, I would have like fantasy about kids in my class, mainly boys, being so sick.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I was there to like
3
SPEAKER_01
help and console them and be a caretaker.
3
SPEAKER_01
But it was like sexual.
3
SPEAKER_01
You were like a sexy nurse?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I was a sexy nurse, but it s weird because I was so young to have already had those feelings and they continue.
3
SPEAKER_01
I still have a little bit of it.
3
SPEAKER_01
I find men who I think are really hot, when they re in like vulnerable states, I get physically aroused.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s really weird.
3
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
3
SPEAKER_01
I know, I know, I know.
3
SPEAKER_00
You get aroused by them being sick or aroused by the idea that you would take care of them being that sick?
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, it s both.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s that they re sick and then the fantasy is then about me helping and being a part of it.
3
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, what do you think that that s about?
3
SPEAKER_01
So now I think it s about my parents were fairly limited affection wise, but my mom is very nurturing.
3
SPEAKER_01
In
3
SPEAKER_01
Those moments, like that s when it really shows up.
3
SPEAKER_01
If I m sick, she s there.
3
SPEAKER_01
Even now, if I m sick, she s like checking in all the time.
3
SPEAKER_01
And did you do this?
3
SPEAKER_01
And make sure you do this.
3
SPEAKER_01
And she s so attentive in that, like, same.
3
SPEAKER_01
I think that s how I perceive love as caretaking.
3
SPEAKER_01
But I don t know why it took the leap into sexual, into it turning sexual.
3
SPEAKER_01
But I guess because like love and sex are so in our mix, but not when you re that young.
3
SPEAKER_01
So I don t really know how that happened.
3
SPEAKER_00
I think, okay, so thank you for sharing that.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s so interesting.
3
SPEAKER_00
No, because first of all, five or six is when I definitely started to have
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t think I— Well, I don t think I knew it was sex, but I definitely started touching myself.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, now I think back and I m like, it s around that time that I didn t know what I was doing.
3
SPEAKER_00
I didn t know it was sexual, but it was, right?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
And so I don t think you should feel, you know, any kind of way.
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean, we are sexual beings, right?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
And so I think that s totally normal.
3
SPEAKER_00
I also think that when you re caretaking, when someone is very ill, it means that they need you.
3
SPEAKER_00
And if they need you, they can t leave you.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s maybe somewhat related to that, right?
3
SPEAKER_01
I think it s related to that, but it s also, to me, indicative of everything we just said.
3
SPEAKER_01
trust.
3
SPEAKER_01
So if someone is in their most vulnerable state and they re allowing me to be there, they trust me.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like it s just a level of intimacy that s so heightened and extreme.
3
SPEAKER_01
And so that level of intimacy is appealing to me.
3
SPEAKER_00
So you were imagining boys of your age at that time being super, like your crushes basically being sick?
3
SPEAKER_01
I guess, but I don t think I designated them as crushes at the time.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like I didn t know.
3
SPEAKER_01
And it was so funny because it would always happen.
3
SPEAKER_01
It was like, I would always go into it before bed and I would get so excited before bed to close my eyes and enter this world and just like play the tape.
3
SPEAKER_00
My tape starts around seven or eight, but same thing.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then I couldn t sleep.
3
SPEAKER_00
I, like, had insomnia, like, as a kid.
3
SPEAKER_00
And my parents were like, what s wrong with you?
3
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, I would fantasize.
3
SPEAKER_01
What was your main focus of fantasy?
3
SPEAKER_00
I would fantasize about this one boy that I had a huge crush on.
3
SPEAKER_00
For me, it was not necessarily that they re sick and I m taking care of them.
3
SPEAKER_00
It was just elaborate scenarios and movies in my head of, like, scenes of us, you know,
3
SPEAKER_00
being together and him falling in love with me.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I would just indulge, indulge, indulge.
3
SPEAKER_00
And same where I would get so activated that I couldn t sleep.
3
SPEAKER_00
I know.
3
SPEAKER_00
It was so exciting.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
3
SPEAKER_00
But people do that still.
3
SPEAKER_00
I see that.
3
SPEAKER_00
I can fall into that.
3
SPEAKER_00
even in my adult age.
3
SPEAKER_00
Me too.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I think a lot of people do, right?
3
SPEAKER_00
It s a form of, like all things, if it takes over your life and you re thinking about it while you re supposed to be doing something else or you want to be doing something else, then it s, you know, but, but I think we all want to escape a little bit.
3
SPEAKER_00
Anything can happen in your head.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s kind of incredible.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s incredible.
3
SPEAKER_01
They still pop up.
3
SPEAKER_01
I still have these dreams.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like it s not consistent.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s not nearly at all what it used to be.
3
SPEAKER_01
Probably because I do know now I offer more than just that.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like I think maybe that s, I was like, well, I don t have anything to offer other than I could help someone when they re sick or something.
3
SPEAKER_01
something like that.
3
SPEAKER_01
So it s waned, obviously, because I don t think that anymore.
3
SPEAKER_01
Did you feel that way at five?
3
SPEAKER_01
I must have.
3
SPEAKER_01
And that s sad.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s not sad in a judgmental way.
3
SPEAKER_00
I think it s probably a core wound, you know, that began from an early age and wasn t true, right?
3
SPEAKER_00
It s not representative of reality.
3
SPEAKER_00
Right.
3
SPEAKER_00
But because you believed it from such a young age, it must come up in small ways that need to be retrained.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
I mean, it s definitely like three steps away from Munchausen s.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, I just escaped that.
3
SPEAKER_01
Thank God.
3
SPEAKER_00
What s Munchausen?
3
SPEAKER_01
Munchausen s disease is when you make yourself
4
SPEAKER_00
sick in order to be taken care of or for attention.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s a mental disease.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then there s Munchausen s by proxy, where like moms do it to their kids.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_00
I ve heard about that.
4
SPEAKER_01
I mean, but I had the same, I had a very similar thing with my parents.
4
SPEAKER_01
When I was sick is when they, you know, you felt the most loved.
4
SPEAKER_01
I felt the most loved.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
And like they were paying attention.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, no, it s like, I mean, I m sure many people feel this way.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
And just growing up in a society, even if you have great parents.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yes, which we both do.
4
SPEAKER_01
We both do.
4
SPEAKER_01
They re overwhelmed by all of the demands.
4
SPEAKER_00
Well, again, Full House 90s era, different era.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, a lot of stuff was happening.
4
SPEAKER_00
A lot of stuff was happening.
4
SPEAKER_00
There wasn t even the tools necessarily for them to know, like,
4
SPEAKER_00
It s too hard.
4
SPEAKER_00
I know.
4
SPEAKER_00
And sometimes it s like, I wish I could be a parent.
4
SPEAKER_01
We ve talked about this.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like, I wish I could be a dad in the 90s.
4
SPEAKER_01
That would be like a clear, I can have kids obviously.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I would have already done it because it s like easy.
4
SPEAKER_01
And now it s, you know, there is a lot more thought into parenting and that s a great thing.
4
SPEAKER_01
But it s also, oh my God.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s just the amount of things you re supposed to know and read and do the apps to track the farts and the burps and the
4
SPEAKER_01
peeing and the pooping and the sleeping and the, and are they a psychopath?
4
SPEAKER_00
Like my parents never wondered if we were psychopaths.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like I ll be wondering from day one if my kid is a psychopath and I ll be looking for signs.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like the four major personality disorder or, you know, abnormal disorders.
4
SPEAKER_00
I think I ll be like always scared.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m just also scared I m gonna make someone who s an asshole, you know?
4
SPEAKER_01
You won t.
4
SPEAKER_01
You won t.
4
SPEAKER_00
I was talking to this with Elizabeth and Andy, shout out, nobody s listening, right?
4
SPEAKER_00
Speaking of, I m wearing their merch right now.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s so cute.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s a cute little merch, right?
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
I had dinner with them, and they were talking about the documentary on Twin Flames.
4
SPEAKER_01
There s a documentary about... Do you know the cult?
4
SPEAKER_01
I know Twin Flames.
4
SPEAKER_01
Wait, Twin Flames, the thing where someone s your soulmate?
4
SPEAKER_01
Exactly.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s a cult.
4
SPEAKER_01
It is?
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it s a cult started by these two people.
4
SPEAKER_00
And they took the concept of Twin Flames, which is like, you have one soulmate out in the world.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then they ve made it a thing where like, you know, you can buy in and find your soulmate and this is how you connect with them.
4
SPEAKER_00
You can t live without them.
4
SPEAKER_00
And it doesn t matter what the obstacles are.
4
SPEAKER_00
Maybe they re married.
4
SPEAKER_00
Doesn t matter.
4
SPEAKER_00
You still go for it.
4
SPEAKER_00
And you still they have like Twin Flames University that like teaches you this.
4
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_00
And it s cool.
4
SPEAKER_00
So they were telling me about that, which is so insane.
4
SPEAKER_00
But do you believe in Twin Flames?
4
SPEAKER_00
You don t believe in it?
4
SPEAKER_00
No.
4
SPEAKER_00
OK.
4
SPEAKER_00
I do.
4
SPEAKER_00
Liz, I didn t know it was a cult though.
4
SPEAKER_00
You re so susceptible.
4
SPEAKER_00
Do you believe in soulmates?
4
SPEAKER_00
I do, but I don t believe in the conventional concept of them.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t believe there s one person for you.
4
SPEAKER_00
I think there are people you meet in life and people in the world who you have like a celestial connection with.
4
SPEAKER_00
But I don t think it s one person.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I think it can be in so many forms.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like I think some people s soulmate is their mom.
4
SPEAKER_00
It has nothing to do with romance.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s just like you are connected somehow on like another level with a person.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s why when Dax and I say we re soulmates, that s what we mean.
4
SPEAKER_00
And that s what I mean with Delta too.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like there s something extra happening that is not tangible.
4
SPEAKER_00
I can t really put into words.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s celestial.
4
SPEAKER_00
So I believe in that, but I don t believe in there s one person for you.
4
SPEAKER_00
You do?
4
SPEAKER_01
No, well, I believe in multiple soulmates too.
4
SPEAKER_01
I feel that there are many, again, I think it s plural like in my life for,
4
SPEAKER_01
It s like you meet someone— I felt that way even— I don t know if we re soulmates, but like, I— When I met you, I felt like I already knew you.
4
SPEAKER_01
I was like, oh, we know each other already.
4
SPEAKER_01
For sure.
4
SPEAKER_01
I feel that way too.
4
SPEAKER_01
Right?
4
SPEAKER_01
That, to me, kind of the closest thing to a soulmate.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
And again, multiple— I think there can be few.
4
SPEAKER_01
Twin Flames is interesting to me because Twin Flames is like— Okay, from what I understand from Megan Fox,
4
SPEAKER_01
talking about issues.
4
SPEAKER_01
She would talk about Machine Gun Kelly, them being twin flames.
4
SPEAKER_01
Also, I m not in any way looking to them for… They re not your North Star.
4
SPEAKER_01
They re not my North Star.
4
SPEAKER_01
But she brought it up, whatever.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, oh, what s a twin flame?
4
SPEAKER_01
And then I researched it, and I thought it was an interesting concept.
4
SPEAKER_01
Tell us more, tell me more.
4
SPEAKER_01
From what I understand, twin flame is sort of the person that s there to bring to light the vulnerabilities and the pain that you prefer to never acknowledge or never sort of open up.
4
SPEAKER_01
And so the twin flame relationship to me is a little bit different than soulmate where it can be a kind of, not chaotic, but very ups and downs and very intense and you love but you hate them and you, you know.
4
SPEAKER_01
I found that that was like an interesting concept that at the time, I remember I was, you know, in a relationship with someone
4
SPEAKER_01
It helped me kind of put a label on the experience, basically.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then there s fake twin flames.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh, God.
4
SPEAKER_01
Which then, like, you think that they re your twin flame, but then they re not.
4
SPEAKER_01
They re actually there to show you who you are, and the things that you hate about them are the things that you have.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s just life, though.
4
SPEAKER_00
Sure.
4
SPEAKER_00
I really find that the first one, the regular twin flame, extremely dangerous.
4
SPEAKER_01
Because it normalizes a toxic relationship.
4
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s an incredibly unhealthy relationship that you re giving a power to by saying, oh, well,
4
SPEAKER_00
I met this person because of this, and actually this is in some ways good because it s not.
4
SPEAKER_01
But it s not necessarily good.
4
SPEAKER_01
That s the thing.
4
SPEAKER_01
Twin flame is, again, from what I understand from fucking three articles I read, and I mean, it s cool in the comments, but it is not a stay with them, they re your twin flame, actually.
4
SPEAKER_01
For me, it was a helpful way to be like, oh, this is not who I m— I m not supposed to make it work with this person.
4
SPEAKER_01
And the second thing I ll say is also,
4
SPEAKER_01
I think that toxic relationships, obviously, if you re in one, you need the people around you to acknowledge that you have been victimized, whether it s abuse or neglect or whatever it is, like, you need that validated.
4
SPEAKER_01
I also think that those relationships can be there to also show you what you need to do differently, right?
4
SPEAKER_01
And what you tolerate, that is also, for me, the use of a twin flame of like, oh, I tolerate this and that s why this person is treating me that way.
4
SPEAKER_01
And so it s reflecting my wound, my stuff, basically.
4
SPEAKER_01
But I understand how it can be, you know, we don t want to romanticize.
4
SPEAKER_01
That s my fear.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_01
Not to slander anybody, but Megan Fox is in that video clip with Eminem about that song.
4
SPEAKER_01
And Rihanna, I love the way you lie.
4
SPEAKER_01
Is that the song?
4
SPEAKER_01
Where it s just them talking about basically a super toxic, abusive relationship.
4
SPEAKER_01
And it s very, I remember at the time being like, this romanticizes.
4
SPEAKER_01
And so I think it can teeter around that.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, totally.
4
SPEAKER_00
But it s a cult.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s a cult.
4
SPEAKER_00
The doc is on this cult.
4
SPEAKER_00
And the conversation was, how do we make sure our kids don t join cults, basically?
4
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, look, I don t think anyone thinks their kid s gonna join a cult.
4
SPEAKER_00
So I don t mean to offend anyone whose kid has joined a cult.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s not your fault.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s not your fault, Good Will Hunting.
4
SPEAKER_00
But I don t think your kid is gonna be bad.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I don t think Elizabeth and Andy s kids are gonna join cults.
4
SPEAKER_00
because they have very attentive parents who are gonna give them the appropriate amount of what they need.
4
SPEAKER_00
The reason people join cults is because they re seeking, they need something.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s like, it s based out of a true lack.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so if you have two parents who are hyper aware of their children s needs,
4
SPEAKER_00
I think you re OK.
4
SPEAKER_00
And not saying you have to like give your kid everything they want.
4
SPEAKER_00
That is not obvious.
4
SPEAKER_00
I hope that s obvious.
4
SPEAKER_00
But needs are different than wants.
4
SPEAKER_00
And when people join cults, it s because there s like an actual need missing.
4
SPEAKER_00
So I think she s in there in the clear.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I think you re in the clear because you re gonna be aware.
4
SPEAKER_00
I hope so.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t think you can do anything about sociopath or psychopath.
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, you know that there s a whole documentary about that, about an Alex Gimini documentary.
4
SPEAKER_01
I think it s on HBO.
4
SPEAKER_01
And it s
4
SPEAKER_01
about how sociopaths, it is a thing in your brain, right?
4
SPEAKER_01
They can do brain scans and see that part of your brain.
4
SPEAKER_01
But what makes a difference between a sociopath who ends up murdering people and who doesn t is childhood trauma.
4
SPEAKER_01
So if they ve been, if they had attentive parents and the perfect quote unquote childhood, where their needs were met, they will still have the sociopathic brain and sort of tendency, but they won t actually act on it.
4
SPEAKER_01
That s incredible.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, that s why you should be looking out for it at day one.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, sure.
4
SPEAKER_01
They kill, I mean, what is it?
4
SPEAKER_01
The signs, if they take joy in killing animals and insects.
4
SPEAKER_00
No empathy.
4
SPEAKER_00
No empathy.
4
SPEAKER_01
Talking about bugs, you had a bug event.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God, I forgot.
4
SPEAKER_01
I forgot I texted you.
4
SPEAKER_01
I just had a bug event.
4
SPEAKER_01
You did.
4
SPEAKER_01
I was on the edge of my seat.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay, something happened yesterday.
4
SPEAKER_00
I went to this coffee shop that I love.
4
SPEAKER_00
I love this coffee shop and I don t know if it s ruined.
5
SPEAKER_00
I was outside, I was doing computer work, I was sitting on a bench, and it had rained the day before, and so I was on this wooden bench.
5
SPEAKER_00
It was really packed, so there wasn t much seating.
5
SPEAKER_00
I was sitting on this wooden bench, it was kind of wet still, so it was uncomfortable.
5
SPEAKER_00
And then as soon as I saw another seat open up, I moved over there.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m so happy.
5
SPEAKER_00
drinking my coffee, doing my computer work, and all of a sudden, I like feel something on my neck.
5
SPEAKER_00
I like jolted, and it was this disgusting flying bug.
5
SPEAKER_00
It had like long, clear wings.
5
SPEAKER_00
Wait, don t all bugs have clear wings?
5
SPEAKER_00
No, it was like trans- Translucent?
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, like you could see all the way through the wing.
5
SPEAKER_00
The wings are really big.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh, you re scratching yourself just talking about it.
5
SPEAKER_00
And so I hated it.
5
SPEAKER_00
You know, I hated that bug.
5
SPEAKER_00
And then I look and there s a lot of them.
5
SPEAKER_01
No.
5
SPEAKER_01
There s a family.
5
SPEAKER_00
Don t call it a family.
5
SPEAKER_00
It humanizes them too much.
5
SPEAKER_00
It gives them so much agency.
5
SPEAKER_00
I hate it.
5
SPEAKER_00
I just started looking and I was like, oh my God, they re everywhere.
5
SPEAKER_00
And then like one landed on my computer.
5
SPEAKER_00
I felt like it was an infestation.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I started my period last night, thank God, because I knew, I was like, my period is coming.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m so clumsy.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m so irritated.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m so floopy.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I like couldn t handle it.
5
SPEAKER_00
handle what was happening with the bugs.
5
SPEAKER_00
I was starting to have like a really visceral reaction of like, I have to get out of here.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I like wanted to cry over these bugs.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I was trying to download the things I was editing so I could go to a different place.
5
SPEAKER_00
Cause I knew the other place I was going to didn t have wifi.
5
SPEAKER_00
So it was like trying to get this downloaded while there were bugs everywhere.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I was just like panicking.
5
SPEAKER_00
And then I left.
5
SPEAKER_00
You made it alive.
5
SPEAKER_00
I made it out alive.
5
SPEAKER_00
and I walked to a new place.
5
SPEAKER_00
On my walk, I thought, why am I having such a crazy reaction to this bug event?
5
SPEAKER_00
And I think it was hormones.
5
SPEAKER_00
Hormones are so real.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
They re so real.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like changing your entire body chemistry of what you re able to handle and not handle.
5
SPEAKER_01
It helps in those moments if I can remind myself of that.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
Because I had a moment like that yesterday too, but I m forgetting what happened.
5
SPEAKER_01
Are you about to start your period?
5
SPEAKER_01
I just ended.
5
SPEAKER_01
What the hell?
5
SPEAKER_00
Well, mine s off.
5
SPEAKER_00
I was supposed to start some days ago, and it was late.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh, interesting.
5
SPEAKER_00
I think because of post-retrieval.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like, remember, some months are all fucked up after.
5
SPEAKER_01
Right, that s right.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
Okay, we ll get back in sync.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
But yeah, I finished, so it didn t make total sense.
5
SPEAKER_01
It wasn t like right before.
5
SPEAKER_01
But also, once you look at the chart, we re always in a phase that makes us nuts.
5
SPEAKER_01
There s like three days where we re in the clear, and the rest is like,
5
SPEAKER_01
Either we re super intense and up to here, or else we re down there, or we re bleeding, you know?
5
SPEAKER_01
And so, yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
But the way I now identify that feeling is that it s almost like I m a teenager.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s like teenager angst and annoyance.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
5
SPEAKER_01
Remember when you were a teenager and you were
5
SPEAKER_01
so annoyed at your mom or at something, and you would just want to like physically do something.
5
SPEAKER_01
You know, that s how I identify it.
5
SPEAKER_01
When I go there, I m like, oh, I m having one of those.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s hormones.
5
SPEAKER_01
And it s so hard because you don t want to talk about hormones.
5
SPEAKER_01
You know, it s like this thing, because then we ll be taken less seriously.
5
SPEAKER_01
But it s like, we should just get more credit.
5
SPEAKER_01
Exactly.
5
SPEAKER_00
Because we go through the world.
5
SPEAKER_00
We re living life.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
5
SPEAKER_00
Anyway, that was my bug event.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m sorry.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s an actual bug event.
5
SPEAKER_00
Mine was— No, yours was a bug event, too.
5
SPEAKER_00
Well, it was scary.
5
SPEAKER_00
Both were scary, but different.
5
SPEAKER_00
I know.
5
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if I can go there again.
5
SPEAKER_00
Frick.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m sorry.
5
SPEAKER_00
Maybe I ll try to go in my luteal phase and see how it goes.
5
SPEAKER_00
Okay, we gotta jump into some questions.
5
SPEAKER_00
Let s see.
5
SPEAKER_00
Is it ever okay to give unsolicited opinions about your friend s career?
5
SPEAKER_00
Marie, hi Monica, Liz, and the Sync Squad.
5
SPEAKER_00
Last year, my best friend decided to make a major career change and jump into a completely new type of job.
5
SPEAKER_00
Her employer knew that she had no experience and promised her lots of training and support, especially during her first year.
5
SPEAKER_00
Unfortunately, this didn t pan out.
5
SPEAKER_00
She spent all of last year being extremely overwhelmed, stressed, and dealing with lots of anxiety and imposter syndrome.
5
SPEAKER_00
This last year, she decided to change her place of work, still doing the same thing, but at a different place.
5
SPEAKER_00
And we were both hopeful that being in a new environment would help turn things around.
5
SPEAKER_00
So far things have been overall better and she feels more supported, but the intense feelings of anxiety and imposter syndrome are creeping back in.
5
SPEAKER_00
She seems so unhappy most of the time with this job and it s impacting her mental health and other aspects of her life.
5
SPEAKER_00
I think she s feeling trapped, especially since she started a master s program to assist this career change.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m worried that this career isn t the right fit for her and she s just staying because of the financial commitment with her master s and uncertainty of what she should do if she quits this.
5
SPEAKER_00
I usually avoid giving unsolicited opinions advice, but I m wondering if I should tell her my concerns.
5
SPEAKER_00
Do I continue supporting her by listening and validating her feelings, or do I dive into the uncomfortable and tell her that it seems like this isn t the right career path for her?
5
SPEAKER_00
Sincerely, a friend just trying to do the right thing. 
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
5
SPEAKER_00
What do you think?
5
SPEAKER_01
I ve had people do this to me.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I think when it s gone the most well is when they ve asked me a question, like, how are you feeling about this job or this project?
5
SPEAKER_01
And if I just go, oh, everything s great.
5
SPEAKER_01
And you know, then I think it s hard to impose an opinion or impose a conversation about how not well it s going if they feel like it s going well.
5
SPEAKER_01
But when it s gone well for me is when I ve been like, yeah, I m stressed out.
5
SPEAKER_01
And then they ve been like, yeah, I m worried about you.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I ve been worried for the same things.
5
SPEAKER_01
Can we talk about it? 
5
SPEAKER_01
I don t think it s about giving advice because you re not her.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s her life and how she feels about it is the most important thing.
5
SPEAKER_01
That, to me, is what you need to not investigate, but that should be the point of the conversation is really learning how she s feeling about it.
5
SPEAKER_01
And it s all about asking the right questions, not delivering your opinion.
5
SPEAKER_01
To me, that should be sort of the emphasis of that conversation.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s not saying, I don t think this job is right for you.
5
SPEAKER_01
No one s gonna receive that well.
5
SPEAKER_01
But saying, I m seeing you and talk about the physical aspects you re seeing, right?
5
SPEAKER_01
Like you seem really stressed out or you re not eating as much or you re not enjoying your hobbies as much as you used to.
5
SPEAKER_01
And you know, is everything okay?
5
SPEAKER_01
You know, like letting her kind of guide the conversation as opposed to you having like an agenda sort of going in.
5
SPEAKER_00
I agree.
5
SPEAKER_00
I think that s totally right.
5
SPEAKER_00
I don t think you can give
5
SPEAKER_00
career advice or like suggest that she d switch careers, but you can just show your concern.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
5
SPEAKER_00
For her overall well-being.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
And maybe don t even pinpoint it on the career.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s just, I ve been noticing you seem a little anxious and is there anything I can do to help or how are you?
5
SPEAKER_00
Hey, yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
How are you feeling?
5
SPEAKER_00
How are you doing?
5
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
5
SPEAKER_00
And if she answers with, I m feeling really anxious or I m feeling bad, you can say like, I hate that for you.
5
SPEAKER_00
Maybe we can come up with some solutions together because I don t want this for you.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
5
SPEAKER_01
And you can say, do you want to just be heard or do you want advice?
5
SPEAKER_01
You know, that s also a question you can just point blank ask.
5
SPEAKER_01
And if then they say, no, no, give me your advice.
5
SPEAKER_01
What do you think?
5
SPEAKER_01
Then it also opens the door for you to be more honest.
5
SPEAKER_01
But I don t know how she feels about this job if she actually really loves it.
5
SPEAKER_01
And it s something that she gets a lot of purpose out of.
5
SPEAKER_01
I think that, yeah, you coming in and saying, I don t like this job for you.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s also gonna make her double down and feel defensive.
5
SPEAKER_00
And now she s kind of pot committed with this masters.
5
SPEAKER_00
And that will make her even more stressed out because she s like, well, fuck, what have I done now?
5
SPEAKER_00
This isn t even right for me.
5
SPEAKER_00
So she ll also figure it out.
5
SPEAKER_00
And remember that you can t fix her life.
5
SPEAKER_00
You can just be there to help, but that s it.
5
SPEAKER_01
You know, it s also the therapist trick of like, how s that working for you?
5
SPEAKER_00
But do you think, I think I would, do you think it s patronizing?
5
SPEAKER_00
Also, do you say patronizing or patronizing?
5
SPEAKER_01
I say patronizing, but I say half of my words wrong.
5
SPEAKER_00
I say patronizing.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s patronizing?
5
SPEAKER_00
No.
5
SPEAKER_00
I heard some people say patronizing.
5
SPEAKER_01
I think it s the British way.
5
SPEAKER_01
That sounds British.
5
SPEAKER_01
Patronizing.
5
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
5
SPEAKER_01
Maybe.
5
SPEAKER_01
Patron, patronizing.
5
SPEAKER_01
But patron is different.
5
SPEAKER_01
Oh no.
5
SPEAKER_00
Well, I m glad we say the same.
5
SPEAKER_00
We re gonna stick with it.
5
SPEAKER_00
I think on couples therapy, I heard someone say patronizing, but I ll be honest.
5
SPEAKER_00
I didn t love the person.
5
SPEAKER_00
So I was like, oh, of course she says it like that.
5
SPEAKER_00
Of course she says it like that.
5
SPEAKER_01
Now I want to know who you don t like.
5
SPEAKER_01
That s how I m going to watch it.
5
SPEAKER_01
Since season three.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God, you are deep.
5
SPEAKER_00
I finished.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh, I didn t tell you.
5
SPEAKER_00
I finished.
5
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
5
SPEAKER_00
I finished the whole thing.
5
SPEAKER_00
And season three is essentially two seasons.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s 18 episodes.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s two whole things.
5
SPEAKER_00
I don t know why they didn t call it season four.
5
SPEAKER_00
I watched it all.
5
SPEAKER_01
You got through it.
5
SPEAKER_01
What did you learn?
5
SPEAKER_01
What s the biggest takeaway?
5
SPEAKER_00
Everything.
5
SPEAKER_00
I mainly learned that people are incredible and just walking around with so much stuff and it s impossible and it s a miracle.
5
SPEAKER_00
We should all be patting ourselves on the back and giving other people so much grace all the time.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s my main takeaway.
5
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh, okay.
6
SPEAKER_00
I think we answered it.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
The problem is we could do this one for like four hours.
6
SPEAKER_00
We won t.
6
SPEAKER_00
I would just do a short-ish one.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
And do ads.
6
SPEAKER_01
Because I m late to therapy every week.
6
SPEAKER_00
Oh, God.
6
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
6
SPEAKER_00
We re going to do a quickie, but we have some big ones for next week, so we have to make sure we give it the time they deserve.
6
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
6
SPEAKER_00
In a friend group, I accidentally spilled some confidential information when drunk.
6
SPEAKER_00
Oh.
6
SPEAKER_00
Should I come clean?
6
SPEAKER_00
AJ.
6
SPEAKER_00
Hi Monica and Liz, I m 23 in a relatively new city and I m so grateful to have a really good friend group of around 10 people, all around the same age, most single and a few in long-term relationships.
6
SPEAKER_00
The group is about 60% guys and 40% girls.
6
SPEAKER_00
We ve known each other for about a year now and we hang out a lot, take trips, house parties, smaller events.
6
SPEAKER_00
I have personally put in a lot of intention and effort to build my one-on-one relationships with each of them and I m in a good place with all of them right now.
6
SPEAKER_00
Last weekend, one of my girlfriends told me some confidential information regarding a possible romantic relationship between another girl and guy in the group, and that she was feeling a bit hurt by it since she liked him too.
6
SPEAKER_00
She was confiding in me as a friend, but I was just shocked since this was two people I knew pretty well and didn t see this coming at all.
6
SPEAKER_00
Later that night, we all went out together and I got pretty drunk, and I ended up spilling all the information I had learned to the guy involved.
6
SPEAKER_00
I don t think it has become a big deal yet, but I m feeling extremely guilty and disappointed in myself that I did that and don t want to be seen as an instigator of drama or gossip within this friend group that is so important to me.
6
SPEAKER_00
Should I come clean?
6
SPEAKER_00
How can I mitigate this situation?
6
SPEAKER_00
All I want is to preserve the friend group for as long as possible.
6
SPEAKER_00
How do I shake the feeling that I m the villain in the story and keep this from happening again?
6
SPEAKER_00
Oh AJ.
6
SPEAKER_00
He just cares so much.
6
SPEAKER_00
I know and I can relate so hard to just like every single cell in my body wants to protect this group.
6
SPEAKER_00
Wants to keep this group cohesive and strong.
6
SPEAKER_00
And a little bit of that I think you have to acknowledge.
6
SPEAKER_00
That s a lot to take on.
6
SPEAKER_00
There s 10 people in this group and life happens and sometimes things happen that can impact
6
SPEAKER_00
I mean, group dynamics, as we just said, with couple therapy, it s so hard to be one person, let alone 10 people in one group.
6
SPEAKER_00
And so maybe take a little pressure off of that and try to just be present and enjoy the days you have.
6
SPEAKER_00
I ll never forget this.
6
SPEAKER_00
During COVID, when the pod was like,
6
SPEAKER_00
so strong.
6
SPEAKER_00
And for obvious reasons, we didn t have anything to do but be together all day long.
6
SPEAKER_00
Now life is back.
6
SPEAKER_00
And so, you know, things have changed a tiny bit, still extremely close, but different.
6
SPEAKER_00
It was a different level of closeness.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I felt really, what s the word?
6
SPEAKER_00
I just felt very protective and just like, oh my God, this is so good.
6
SPEAKER_00
This is so perfect.
6
SPEAKER_00
And one day Molly said,
6
SPEAKER_00
How long do you think we re going to keep doing this?
6
SPEAKER_00
And Chris and I were like, what do you mean?
6
SPEAKER_00
Forever?
6
SPEAKER_00
It was such a shock that there was even the idea that it would ever not be this way.
6
SPEAKER_00
And we all started laughing, but it was so interesting because I was like, it really just brought to light, oh, this might not be every day for the rest of our lives.
6
SPEAKER_00
And the truth is things do morph and change.
6
SPEAKER_00
And so just be happy where you are.
6
SPEAKER_00
I know that s not really the question.
6
SPEAKER_00
I just want to add that in so that you re not so worried about the health of the group at all times.
6
SPEAKER_00
And you can just be present and enjoy it because it might go away for reasons that have nothing to do with you.
6
SPEAKER_00
And at least you ve had this incredible experience.
6
SPEAKER_00
As far as should he come clean, cut yourself some slack.
6
SPEAKER_01
This is what people do.
6
SPEAKER_00
This happens all the time.
6
SPEAKER_00
Of course.
6
SPEAKER_00
This is life.
6
SPEAKER_01
And they ve probably done it too.
6
SPEAKER_01
Exactly.
6
SPEAKER_01
Like right now you re making yourself the villain in a story where you ve created perfect identities for all these other people.
6
SPEAKER_01
They make mistakes too.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s okay.
6
SPEAKER_01
Forgive yourself.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, these are human… Yes.
6
SPEAKER_01
mistakes.
6
SPEAKER_01
Of course.
6
SPEAKER_01
But should he say something?
6
SPEAKER_01
I think if it s eating at him that much, again, I don t know the people involved, if there s a feeling that those people would be receptive, like, you know, and be understanding, then yes, like if it s eating away at you and you feel like you re just carrying around the secret,
6
SPEAKER_01
and that you re using it against you.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s so clear that you care and that you love them.
6
SPEAKER_01
And that will be very clear when you share this with them, that you feel awful and you feel guilty.
6
SPEAKER_01
And my feeling is they ll just be like, you re an idiot.
6
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s not a state level secret.
6
SPEAKER_00
But trust in relationships is really important, and I understand the fear around, is it worth me risking that?
6
SPEAKER_00
I think you re right.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s how much is this weighing on you?
6
SPEAKER_00
If you think that you can just kind of forgive yourself and then move on, maybe I wouldn t say anything.
6
SPEAKER_00
But if you can t, if it s just going to eat at you, I guess you do have to have that conversation.
6
SPEAKER_01
And also, okay, this is bad advice, Belle, but if everyone was drunk, you d probably also get an out.
6
SPEAKER_01
You re like, I don t remember.
6
SPEAKER_01
Or maybe they don t remember what you told them.
6
SPEAKER_01
I haven t been in a situation like that in a while, but it s not healthy in any way.
6
SPEAKER_01
But yeah, when people are drunk, we all do things.
6
SPEAKER_01
I mean, that s the point of drinking.
6
SPEAKER_01
Your inhibitions are lowered and that s why people feel good.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
Do it over and over again.
6
SPEAKER_01
So I think you do get also a little bit of slack because of that.
6
SPEAKER_01
But again, particularly with yourself, that you know that that night when you weren t drunk, you didn t say anything.
6
SPEAKER_01
And then once you were under the influence, you did.
6
SPEAKER_00
I don t think that, like, I m trying to put myself in the position of the girl who told him the secret.
6
SPEAKER_00
It wouldn t matter to me whether they were drunk or not drunk that my secret was now revealed.
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SPEAKER_01
I think that part is more for him because he s like, I m a villain.
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SPEAKER_01
I m a bad person.
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SPEAKER_01
It s like, well, you re not.
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SPEAKER_01
You did it once you were under the influence.
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SPEAKER_01
I think your morals are in line.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
I m trying to think if I was the girl, would I want to know?
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SPEAKER_00
that he did that.
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SPEAKER_00
I kind of, again, this is sort of like when we talked about the parents.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah, the parents with the child, like, would you want to know?
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SPEAKER_00
Would you want to know?
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SPEAKER_00
And the instinct is, yes, I would want to know if someone said something about me behind my back or told a secret.
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SPEAKER_00
But actually, I probably don t because then I m in my head now.
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SPEAKER_00
Now I m in my head every time we re all together.
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SPEAKER_00
Now that person knows that I know that
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SPEAKER_00
It might just be easier to not.
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SPEAKER_00
And if it comes out, obviously take full responsibility and say you re sorry and that this is the way it happened and you feel horrible about it.
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SPEAKER_00
That s it.
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SPEAKER_00
But I kind of feel like
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SPEAKER_00
it might make things more complicated for her.
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SPEAKER_00
And the whole point is about her really.
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SPEAKER_00
I tend to lean on that side on most things though.
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SPEAKER_00
So I don t know if that s just like the way I look at the world.
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SPEAKER_00
It s like least pain.
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SPEAKER_01
Right.
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SPEAKER_01
For the most amount of people.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
Tricky one.
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SPEAKER_01
If this is helpful, I don t think there s a right or wrong.
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SPEAKER_01
And so don t put so much pressure on yourself.
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SPEAKER_01
I mean, there s three options, right?
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SPEAKER_01
It s either you don t say anything and no one ever knows.
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SPEAKER_01
You don t say anything, people find out.
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SPEAKER_01
Or you tell them and they find out.
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SPEAKER_01
If it comes out and you say, I just thought it would hurt you more.
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SPEAKER_01
I don t know how they re going to react to that, but I think that s a good reason.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I felt that I already did something to hurt you, and then that this might make it worse for you.
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SPEAKER_00
I, at that point, felt like I want to reduce the amount of pain, but also, I m sorry, and that was probably the wrong decision.
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SPEAKER_00
Like, if she s like, how would you do that?
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SPEAKER_00
Yes, you take full responsibility.
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SPEAKER_00
That was the wrong decision, and I m sorry.
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SPEAKER_00
But go easy on yourself.
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SPEAKER_00
Everyone in your group is probably talking about everyone.
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SPEAKER_00
I mean, this is the way it goes.
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SPEAKER_00
We re humans.
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SPEAKER_00
We re monkeys.
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SPEAKER_00
You re just a monkey.
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SPEAKER_00
Just a little monkey.
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SPEAKER_00
Well, this was really fun.
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SPEAKER_00
This was great.
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SPEAKER_00
Thanks for always chatting and being open.
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SPEAKER_00
Thank you.
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SPEAKER_00
And keep submitting.
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SPEAKER_00
Keep submitting to us.
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SPEAKER_00
We love your questions.
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SPEAKER_00
Go to our website and ask us stuff.
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SPEAKER_00
What s going on?
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SPEAKER_00
It can be anything.
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SPEAKER_00
We love you, Sing Squad, and I love you, Liz.
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SPEAKER_00
I love you, Monica.
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SPEAKER_00
Have a great trip.
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SPEAKER_01
Thank you.
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SPEAKER_01
And let me know if you max out.
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SPEAKER_01
I will.
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SPEAKER_01
I ll let you know.
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SPEAKER_01
We ll see.
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SPEAKER_01
Okay.
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SPEAKER_01
Bye.
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SPEAKER_01
Bye.