0
SPEAKER_00
Hello.
0
SPEAKER_00
Hi.
0
SPEAKER_00
How are you?
0
SPEAKER_00
Hi.
0
SPEAKER_00
Sorry.
0
SPEAKER_00
What a disaster.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, no.
0
SPEAKER_00
It was just a disaster in the morning.
0
SPEAKER_00
That was my day yesterday.
0
SPEAKER_00
Everything was like... Floopy?
0
SPEAKER_00
Floopy.
0
SPEAKER_00
What happened?
0
SPEAKER_00
Nothing major.
0
SPEAKER_00
I m late to catch up.
0
SPEAKER_00
Mainly just because, like, I spilled and I had to change my shirt and then those baby things and I tried to park on Hobart but then there wasn t anything so then I tried to shoot my shot inside the neighborhood.
0
SPEAKER_01
Well, there was a reason for all this and I was early by mistake because I didn t see your text and I came across a black cat.
0
SPEAKER_01
Ugh.
0
SPEAKER_01
But then I googled it and it all said positive things but I feel like that s my out— No, that s a rebrand of cats.
0
SPEAKER_00
Right.
0
SPEAKER_01
And we all know the truth.
0
SPEAKER_01
And it was like a real cat event.
0
SPEAKER_01
I was walking and he like stared at me, stopped, and then I got a little scared.
0
SPEAKER_01
I was like, is he gonna jump?
0
SPEAKER_01
And then he ran away and disappeared into the night of the morning.
0
SPEAKER_01
I d said like, oh, it s good luck.
0
SPEAKER_01
Good fortune is coming your way.
0
SPEAKER_01
But I feel like that s my algorithm protecting me from the truth.
0
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I guess it s all what you want to believe.
0
SPEAKER_00
It is.
0
SPEAKER_00
In this world.
0
SPEAKER_00
So we can choose to believe it s good fortune, good luck.
0
SPEAKER_00
I like that.
0
SPEAKER_00
Maybe it s good fortune, good luck mixed with some crazy.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, that makes sense.
0
SPEAKER_00
It could be all of it.
0
SPEAKER_00
You had a bug event yesterday.
0
SPEAKER_00
I did.
0
SPEAKER_00
I had a bug event a second ago.
0
SPEAKER_00
There was a bug on me.
0
SPEAKER_00
There are bugs on me all the time.
0
SPEAKER_00
I m sorry.
0
SPEAKER_00
I know, and we re heading into summer, and it s going to be so much worse.
0
SPEAKER_00
Mosquitoes are about to come out.
0
SPEAKER_00
Maybe bugs are good luck, though.
0
SPEAKER_00
Did you ever Google it?
0
SPEAKER_00
I have not Googled it.
0
SPEAKER_00
I m afraid.
0
SPEAKER_00
Same.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay, we re both back from our vacations.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
So after you left New York, after we hung out with Dan, you left the next morning.
0
SPEAKER_00
We had the best dinner.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh, my God.
0
SPEAKER_01
I was like...
0
SPEAKER_01
Maybe the year.
0
SPEAKER_01
That was my favorite dinner of the year.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s only April, but that was so fun.
0
SPEAKER_01
And then I went to Montreal.
0
SPEAKER_01
I got a cold, which you might have gotten from me.
0
SPEAKER_01
Right.
0
SPEAKER_01
There s a chance.
0
SPEAKER_01
There s a little chance.
0
SPEAKER_01
We did share a lot of things at dinner.
0
SPEAKER_01
But it was really fun.
0
SPEAKER_01
I saw my family, and it was my sister s birthday.
0
SPEAKER_01
How about you?
0
SPEAKER_01
You had an exciting week in New York.
0
SPEAKER_00
I did.
0
SPEAKER_00
I did.
0
SPEAKER_00
Should we shout out the restaurant?
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, Crocodile.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, you can say it better than me.
0
SPEAKER_00
Cro-Cro-Deal.
0
SPEAKER_00
If I were reading it, I would— Is there a lot before it or no?
0
SPEAKER_00
Le Crocodile.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh, maybe.
0
SPEAKER_01
Maybe it s the, actually.
0
SPEAKER_01
Am I wrong?
0
SPEAKER_01
Let me look.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m inventing that it s fully French.
0
SPEAKER_01
Well, no.
0
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I think you re right.
0
SPEAKER_01
I think it s just Cro-Cro-Deal.
0
SPEAKER_00
Restaurant.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s le.
0
SPEAKER_01
Le.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh.
0
SPEAKER_01
Le crocodile.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
If I was saying it in my boring American accent, I would say le crocodile.
0
SPEAKER_00
That s cute.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s like half.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s halfway.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
0
SPEAKER_01
French people know what you re saying and English people know what you re saying.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
I m closing my eyes.
0
SPEAKER_00
Say it again the real way.
0
SPEAKER_01
Le crocodile.
0
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s really cool.
0
SPEAKER_00
And it was your first pâté.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh my gosh.
0
SPEAKER_00
It was my first pâté.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, you were really excited about that.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s a big deal.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s a big deal.
0
SPEAKER_00
It was a mushroom pâté.
0
SPEAKER_00
It was insane.
0
SPEAKER_00
So this is your favorite restaurant in New York.
0
SPEAKER_00
It was in Brooklyn.
0
SPEAKER_00
We did like a kind of silly thing.
0
SPEAKER_00
We went from the Upper East Side to Brooklyn, but it was worth it.
0
SPEAKER_00
You went to my favorite bar, Beberman s Bar.
0
SPEAKER_00
I did.
0
SPEAKER_00
And we had a yummy drink.
0
SPEAKER_00
An old-fashioned.
0
SPEAKER_00
I didn t pressure you.
0
SPEAKER_00
I wanted to.
0
SPEAKER_00
I had a lot of drinks that night.
0
SPEAKER_00
You had three.
0
SPEAKER_00
I did the next morning think, is she gonna be okay?
0
SPEAKER_01
Well, I... What was great is that, you know, like, usually you don t sleep well if you drink a lot.
0
SPEAKER_01
I didn t sleep because I had my flight like... Did you just stay up?
0
SPEAKER_00
Slept for like maybe two hours and then you know one of those early flights, but it was worth it We had such a great time we did so that s your favorite restaurant, and it was in Brooklyn, and we went and it was Incredible it was so fun and so tasty everything was so Amazing shout out guess who we saw there Rob Nicholas Bronf
0
SPEAKER_00
No, but good guess.
0
SPEAKER_00
Nicholas Braun lives in our current neighborhood.
0
SPEAKER_00
We saw Bob Mirvack s wife, Bob Mirvack, who does all of our music.
0
SPEAKER_00
He did the music for this show.
0
SPEAKER_00
He does the music for Armchair.
0
SPEAKER_00
His wife was at Le Crocodile.
0
SPEAKER_00
And she lives in Michigan.
0
SPEAKER_00
It was, that was a weird sim.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
We chatted with her for a bit and we shut down the restaurant, of course, obviously.
0
SPEAKER_00
That s what we do.
0
SPEAKER_00
It was really, really, really delicious.
0
SPEAKER_00
I m definitely going back.
0
SPEAKER_01
It was fun to experience our friendship in New York.
0
SPEAKER_00
It was new.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
How did you, what were your takeaways?
0
SPEAKER_00
Who were we in New York?
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, that s such a good question.
0
SPEAKER_00
Do you think we would have been better?
0
SPEAKER_00
Well, not better, but what kind of friends do you think we would have been in New York versus here?
0
SPEAKER_00
I need to think about that for like a whole day.
0
SPEAKER_01
I think we would be a little bit more sneaky.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like, I feel like we would be up to more misadventures.
0
SPEAKER_01
In what realm?
0
SPEAKER_01
In every realm.
0
SPEAKER_01
I think we would be a little bit more mischievous.
0
SPEAKER_00
Did I say that right?
0
SPEAKER_00
I say mischievous.
0
SPEAKER_00
Then you said mischievous.
0
SPEAKER_00
I think you can say either.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_00
Or either.
0
SPEAKER_01
But yeah, I think we would be… Because there s something very wholesome about LA.
0
SPEAKER_01
Probably most people wouldn t say that, but you can t go out too late.
0
SPEAKER_01
Things close.
0
SPEAKER_01
You can t just hop around from one place to the next and like see where the night takes you.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I feel like we would get into more events.
0
SPEAKER_01
Even I feel like in a few hours, a lot of things happened.
0
SPEAKER_01
We were gaslit by an AI robot.
0
SPEAKER_01
We were gaslit by our AI boyfriend.
0
SPEAKER_01
Exactly.
0
SPEAKER_01
And we, yeah, shut down a restaurant.
0
SPEAKER_01
There s like a pace to New York, right?
0
SPEAKER_00
Sure.
0
SPEAKER_01
Where more things happen in a smaller amount of time.
0
SPEAKER_01
And if you re like slightly open, so much will happen to you.
0
SPEAKER_01
in a way that in LA, like we went to dinner last night and we all went to bed at 8.30.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, and I was late.
0
SPEAKER_00
Tired.
0
SPEAKER_00
I know, I m tired.
0
SPEAKER_00
What the fuck?
0
SPEAKER_00
I know, it s true.
0
SPEAKER_00
I don t understand what happens.
0
SPEAKER_00
There is something about that city and I thought about the people who were there during the pandemic, you.
0
SPEAKER_00
I actually got stuck in LA for most of it.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay, well, that city you re not meant to just be in your apartment, I don t think, unless you have like so much money and have this insane brownstone or something like that.
0
SPEAKER_00
But even the hotels, like I love a New York hotel so much, but I like the lobbies of the hotel.
0
SPEAKER_00
You know, like, I like to go hang down there.
0
SPEAKER_00
I don t want to be in my room.
0
SPEAKER_00
I don t want to be by myself, really, in New York.
0
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
0
SPEAKER_00
And I want to be out and about and going from this place to this place.
0
SPEAKER_00
I mean, my shopping problem s bad here.
0
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
0
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I would have no dollars.
0
SPEAKER_00
Right.
0
SPEAKER_01
The other thing I think, this is bold, but I think you wouldn t be able to stay single.
0
SPEAKER_01
Really?
0
SPEAKER_01
It would be harder for you.
0
SPEAKER_01
As if that s, like, a goal of mine.
0
SPEAKER_01
I think that you can do it unencumbered.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I think in New York, there would be a lot more coming at you, where you would have to decline a lot in order to stay single.
0
SPEAKER_00
Whereas in LA, again, I think it s pretty easy to kind of… Yeah, you have to be active about pursuing here.
0
SPEAKER_00
And you re saying there, it s different.
0
SPEAKER_00
That s interesting because not this time.
0
SPEAKER_00
I had no event.
0
SPEAKER_00
I had no, like, come-ons.
0
SPEAKER_00
But actually, mostly because normally, 90% of what I m doing in New York is by myself.
0
SPEAKER_00
I ll have, like, maybe one or two meals out with someone.
0
SPEAKER_00
But this time, I pretty much did everything with people.
0
SPEAKER_00
And I think this has to do with it.
0
SPEAKER_00
But the last time I was there, I got hit on multiple times.
0
SPEAKER_00
But it was so aggressive and gross.
0
SPEAKER_00
And one of them was so gross.
0
SPEAKER_00
I talked about this on a fact check, I think.
0
SPEAKER_00
But he was, like, nagging me so hard.
0
SPEAKER_00
And then he s...
0
SPEAKER_00
It was so bad.
0
SPEAKER_00
He like asked me what I did and I said, I have a podcast.
0
SPEAKER_00
He said, which one?
0
SPEAKER_00
And I said, oh, it s called Armchair Expert.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s with Dax Shepard.
0
SPEAKER_00
And he was like, oh, I think I know him.
0
SPEAKER_00
He like insulted him somehow.
0
SPEAKER_00
Like he was in a bunch of B movies or something like that.
0
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, okay, you can chill.
0
SPEAKER_00
He s my best friend.
0
SPEAKER_00
And he said, well, would he call you his best friend?
0
SPEAKER_01
I remember this.
0
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, go fuck, get away from me.
0
SPEAKER_00
And then he tried to get me to go to the comedy store with him.
0
SPEAKER_00
I was like, you think this is going well?
0
SPEAKER_00
I don t understand.
0
SPEAKER_00
And then same trip, there was another like aggressive guy that was really not wanting to take no for an answer.
0
SPEAKER_00
So I guess you re right, but I didn t like it.
0
SPEAKER_01
But one of those guys would turn out to be not a bad or like, you know, these guys were also probably not your type.
0
SPEAKER_01
I ve been in so many situations where, again, I do go on dates and I m actively doing it, but also where I ve just been at dinner and I ll just start talking to this guy at the table next to me or there s just more encounters.
0
SPEAKER_01
Honestly, even if you re actively trying not to have encounters, which can happen in New York because you get overstimulated and overwhelmed and you re like, I just want to go get my bagel.
1
SPEAKER_00
You are going to inevitably interact with so many people.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so it s harder to isolate.
1
SPEAKER_00
And it s, I think, harder to be single.
1
SPEAKER_00
Maybe not harder, but it s easy in LA to be alone.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, we had a plan that we didn t execute.
1
SPEAKER_01
We were going to go on a double date there.
1
SPEAKER_00
Wait, also, he texts me.
1
SPEAKER_01
No.
1
SPEAKER_00
But then it was too late, and I was leaving, but I was like, wow, what are the odds?
1
SPEAKER_01
That s the problem.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay, we didn t have enough time.
1
SPEAKER_01
We had one night.
1
SPEAKER_01
And so, for me, and again, this is so telling about me, if we have one night, I m never gonna pick the double date.
1
SPEAKER_01
Like, I want just some fun girl time.
1
SPEAKER_01
And would you have wanted to do the double date with the one dinner?
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, it was a really fun night.
1
SPEAKER_00
So now that we ve had it, I wouldn t want to take it away.
1
SPEAKER_00
But that being said, I always am for the risky thing.
1
SPEAKER_00
Let s go on this weird, crazy thing that we don t know how it s going to go.
1
SPEAKER_00
Right.
1
SPEAKER_00
And that it could go terrible or it could go really well.
1
SPEAKER_00
But to me, no matter what, it s going to be great.
1
SPEAKER_00
So should we tell them what we were trying to do?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
You should explain it.
1
SPEAKER_01
No, you.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_01
So, how did this come about?
1
SPEAKER_01
Callie, actually, and there s a big background to this.
1
SPEAKER_01
Now, me, you, and Callie had a lunch, and you that morning had an event.
1
SPEAKER_01
You had a married man event.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay, and we re going to talk about it because that sounds really bad on face value.
1
SPEAKER_01
But you went to a coffee shop, and what happened that morning?
1
SPEAKER_00
I complimented a young man on his fleece.
1
SPEAKER_00
And you asked to try it on.
1
SPEAKER_00
I did ask to try it on.
1
SPEAKER_00
And he sat next to me, and we proceeded to start talking for a while.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I
1
SPEAKER_00
In the mornings is when I get my work done.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, I m there to write, but I m in this conversation with this hot guy.
1
SPEAKER_00
So that becomes the priority.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then eventually I notice a ring on his finger.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then I go, okay, this is weird now because I m in this full-on conversation with this stranger and he s married.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so I try and close off the conversation.
1
SPEAKER_00
He wouldn t let me go back.
1
SPEAKER_00
He kept talking.
1
SPEAKER_00
He kept talking and re-engaging.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so I eventually had to flee.
1
SPEAKER_00
the situation, the location.
1
SPEAKER_00
And well, it didn t come straight from there, but that had happened that morning.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so I was complaining about that because if I were married to this man, I would feel a little bit odd that he keeps talking to this woman that he just met.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I was annoyed that I had to leave the coffee shop too.
1
SPEAKER_01
Right.
1
SPEAKER_01
Then it gets into interesting dynamics about marriage and what s allowed, but what also is just good manners.
1
SPEAKER_01
Like, it is hard to know, but I don t think I would care.
1
SPEAKER_01
I think that many men and women, people.
1
SPEAKER_01
Once they re in a commitment, they still need outside approval.
1
SPEAKER_01
Like, I just think we re, like, really not being honest if we don t acknowledge that.
1
SPEAKER_01
And there are many ways to get it, right?
1
SPEAKER_01
I think women often get it in the workplace if they re working.
1
SPEAKER_01
Like, I think they feel confident if they like what they do and are good at it.
1
SPEAKER_01
They have coworkers they can chat with and be kind of, like, a version of themselves that s, like, fun and kind of,
1
SPEAKER_00
independent, separate from the validation that they get from their partner.
1
SPEAKER_01
Exactly.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I think men can get it from work, but I think often heterosexual men get it from women.
1
SPEAKER_01
I don t think this guy was going to try to take you home, but I think he was just getting a little hit of validation from this pretty
1
SPEAKER_01
woman.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I don t know if it s okay.
1
SPEAKER_01
I just think it s the reality.
1
SPEAKER_01
So I m kind of fine with it.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m actually more annoyed on your behalf than I am on behalf of the wife.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m annoyed that like you then are in a wasting your time situation.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s what it felt like, where I was like, he was talking a lot.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, now I m just listening to this guy.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s keeping me away from my work and from doing the thing I wanted to do.
1
SPEAKER_00
And there s no end goal.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, because you re not going to be friends with this married man.
1
SPEAKER_00
Right.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s also a coffee shop where there was this guy once with a little puppy.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God.
1
SPEAKER_00
There was like a two-week-old puppy and he came in with the puppy and like let me hold him and like we had this whole conversation and then at one point I realized this guy has a girlfriend like he kept saying we moved and I was like, oh my god But then the puppy s on me at this point and so that I m engaged and then later I told my roommate to come and hold the puppy until she comes and then he takes the puppy back in and he s doing the same trick on these two other women next to us and then a week later I walked by the coffee shop and I saw him doing it again in the window.
1
SPEAKER_00
I swear to God
1
SPEAKER_00
Really?
1
SPEAKER_00
Two women.
1
SPEAKER_00
It just gets to me when I see a lot of this happening in the world and I try and not let it ruin my image of men who are in committed relationships.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
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SPEAKER_01
And they have like B-complex, they have basic prenatal, they have a creatine, they have so much.
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They do.
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Even before, honestly, they sponsored our show, it s the only company I would trust for all my supplements because you never know what you re getting.
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I take vitamin B. They even combine supplements.
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They do, yes.
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Okay, this is your— I have like a vaginal health one.
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Uh-huh.
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Support for Syncd comes from Rocket Money.
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So we are both, I guess, frazzled.
1
SPEAKER_01
I don t know what s happening in our lives.
1
SPEAKER_01
We re just people.
1
SPEAKER_01
We re just people living in 2024.
1
SPEAKER_01
There s a lot of stuff going on.
1
SPEAKER_01
There s a lot of stimuli, a lot of tech, a lot of subscriptions.
1
SPEAKER_00
A lot of subscriptions to keep track of.
1
SPEAKER_00
And it is now the point where you need something to keep track of all these subscriptions or else you re getting screwed.
1
SPEAKER_01
Like you have multiple subscriptions to the same thing.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I do think a lot of these places sort of bank on you forgetting that you have a subscription and then you get another one or you get logged out and then you just feel like it s gone.
1
SPEAKER_01
So Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions.
1
SPEAKER_01
It monitors your spending and it helps lower your bills so that you can grow your savings.
1
SPEAKER_01
I think this is an amazing invention.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it s necessary.
1
SPEAKER_00
I love how the dashboard will show me my month spending compared to last month so that I can see if something is off the rails, right?
1
SPEAKER_00
Or like, just know more about my spending habits because you ll sign up for something like, oh, this is just $5.99.
1
SPEAKER_00
But then it adds up and you forget the ones that you ve signed up for that you don t even use.
1
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
1
SPEAKER_00
Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all of the app s features.
1
SPEAKER_00
Stop wasting money on things you don t use.
1
SPEAKER_00
Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash sync.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s rocketmoney.com slash S-Y-N-C.
1
SPEAKER_00
rocketmoney.com slash sync.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay, but this is hard because if he just has a cute puppy, because I bet you said, oh my gosh, that puppy s so cute, right?
1
SPEAKER_01
Of course.
1
SPEAKER_01
You instigated it.
1
SPEAKER_00
I mean, it s a two.
1
SPEAKER_00
I mean, it was the size of a mouse.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, it s so cute and little.
1
SPEAKER_00
But you re right.
1
SPEAKER_00
I instigated the fleece comment.
1
SPEAKER_00
So in a way, I guess I m guilty, but- We don t have to place guilt or blame.
1
SPEAKER_01
I just mean, you said, oh my gosh, this puppy s so cute.
1
SPEAKER_01
And like, women love puppies.
1
SPEAKER_01
And women are more likely to talk about, like, you know, approach a puppy than a man.
1
SPEAKER_01
I feel pretty confident in saying that.
1
SPEAKER_01
They might be like, oh, that puppy s cool or cute, but they re not going to be like, oh, and like get down and want to touch it and pet it and hold it and stuff.
1
SPEAKER_01
So he has this alluring puppy and then all these women are like flocking.
1
SPEAKER_01
And is that his fault if he s just bringing his pup, like taking his puppy on a walk?
1
SPEAKER_00
It s hard to know.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think it s gray.
1
SPEAKER_00
I just think if I were his girlfriend and I was walking by the window and I saw all of this, these puppy events, I would just be like, dude, what the hell?
1
SPEAKER_00
You re right.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
But like, that s like, Rob s kid is so cute.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
I guess it s more obvious because it s his kid.
1
SPEAKER_01
Right?
1
SPEAKER_01
People stop you a lot.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s the only reason I bring him to the
2
SPEAKER_00
I know, I figured.
2
SPEAKER_00
No, also to get free coffees and stuff.
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, it s like that episode of Friends where Joey and Chandler realize Rossi s baby helps them talk to women.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then they forget him on the bus.
2
SPEAKER_00
Right.
2
SPEAKER_01
Right, the one with the baby on the bus.
2
SPEAKER_02
They re talking to Vincent.
2
SPEAKER_02
I m not then striking up a conversation and sitting with them for two hours.
2
SPEAKER_01
Right, that s the difference.
2
SPEAKER_01
And you walk away, I guess, quickly.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t know, though.
2
SPEAKER_00
He s not allowed to bring his puppy.
2
SPEAKER_00
Right.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like, what is the conversation between them?
2
SPEAKER_00
If this is your boyfriend, you re like, I ve seen you now three times with my puppy in these women s labs.
2
SPEAKER_01
What s the deal?
2
SPEAKER_01
And then he d, I guess, be like, they want to touch him.
2
SPEAKER_01
They love him.
2
SPEAKER_00
Do you want me to stop holding our puppy?
2
SPEAKER_00
You want me to stop walking our puppy?
2
SPEAKER_00
You know?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
I guess you can take the puppy on walks.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s prime for cast lighting.
2
SPEAKER_01
Anyway, I ll just say, okay, all this happened that morning.
2
SPEAKER_01
Then we had lunch with Callie, who is married, obviously, so she was weighing in on this.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I said, I feel that when I m around married men, I am much more myself.
2
SPEAKER_01
I feel much more at ease when I m around a married man because there s no opportunity slash threat of it progressing into anything.
2
SPEAKER_01
So I am more like open and more flirty and just more me in those environments.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then I was like, so maybe that married man, but again, I m mainly talking about my friends, not strangers.
2
SPEAKER_01
But even strangers, if there was a married man stranger who s like a server and I know they re married, I m probably a lot more fun or chatty than I would be with a server who s single.
2
SPEAKER_01
Because I know like if I show some sort of cuteness, then they might read that as an invitation.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I know that a married man can t do that.
2
SPEAKER_01
So then I can just feel more free to be me.
2
SPEAKER_01
So you flirt more with married men?
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t think it s flirting.
2
SPEAKER_01
I guess if I m being honest, like probably, but it s not flirting.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s just, I m just more me.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m just more open to talking.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m warmer.
2
SPEAKER_00
Thank you.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s exactly.
2
SPEAKER_00
More friendly.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_00
What about your friends with boyfriends?
2
SPEAKER_00
Cause I feel- That one is less.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
I feel that I need some more distance actually.
2
SPEAKER_00
If I want to say something to her boyfriend, I ll usually like text both of them.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like there s a thing that s weird about like if we re just texting each other.
2
SPEAKER_00
I agree.
2
SPEAKER_00
I think it s different.
2
SPEAKER_00
Interesting.
2
SPEAKER_01
But anywho, so I was like, you know, I bet if I just wore a wedding ring, I would feel more flirty or I would feel more comfortable.
2
SPEAKER_01
That threat is gone until I wanted to lift it.
2
SPEAKER_01
And so then I thought that would be a fun experiment.
2
SPEAKER_01
If we went to another city and we wore wedding rings, it would also be interesting who would approach us if we re wearing wedding rings versus not.
2
SPEAKER_00
I totally forgot about this whole conversation.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then how did that get to the double date in New York?
2
SPEAKER_01
And then it just became, like, experiments.
2
SPEAKER_01
So that was going to be an experiment where we went somewhere and wore wedding rings.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like, see how people are around us, but also how we feel internally.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like, I really want to try that.
2
SPEAKER_01
We should do it.
2
SPEAKER_00
We can do that here in LA.
2
SPEAKER_01
No, I think it s too obvious here.
2
SPEAKER_01
If we re in our neighborhood, people know me in the neighborhood and know you.
2
SPEAKER_01
Right.
2
SPEAKER_01
We have to go, I think.
2
SPEAKER_00
Do you feel like we give off single vibes, though?
2
SPEAKER_00
I feel like people know, right?
2
SPEAKER_00
Based on just how I am and dress.
2
SPEAKER_02
I think you do.
2
SPEAKER_00
I do?
2
SPEAKER_00
Liz does.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
Why?
2
SPEAKER_00
Because you re more open.
2
SPEAKER_01
Your light s on.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like, you re open for business light is on.
2
SPEAKER_02
I mean, you re chatting up people at the coffee shop all the time.
2
SPEAKER_02
I doubt Monica s, like, talking to the same amount of guys that you are.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m definitely not commenting on anyone s fleas.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay, got it.
2
SPEAKER_01
Although, if they were married and I liked it, I might be like, oh, that s a cool fleece.
2
SPEAKER_01
I d only really do that, though, if I wanted to buy it.
2
SPEAKER_01
I wouldn t want to just talk to him.
2
SPEAKER_01
If I liked a man s fleece and then I saw that they were single, I d be less likely to ask where he got it than if he was married.
2
SPEAKER_01
Unless I was like, oh my God, he s so hot.
2
SPEAKER_01
I d like his face.
2
SPEAKER_00
Then maybe I would.
2
SPEAKER_00
But that d be scary.
2
SPEAKER_00
That would be scary.
2
SPEAKER_00
Have you ever had an interaction with a man you don t know where there was flirtation and you were actively... And they were single?
2
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, probably.
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I m sure...
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, yeah, I have instances in my head, which then we like went on some dates, but that s why.
2
SPEAKER_01
This will lead to that.
2
SPEAKER_01
So I have to already be interested in this person enough to, if it goes there, I m fine with it.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t like saying like, I don t want to go out on a date.
2
SPEAKER_00
By the way, the whole story about the double date thing, you were very open to, which I was surprised and excited about.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I felt like it was two against one, which helped.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, that doesn t mean anything to me.
2
SPEAKER_00
What?
2
SPEAKER_01
When it s my own decision.
2
SPEAKER_00
Peer pressure?
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh.
2
SPEAKER_01
Two against one has nothing to do with the decisions I make about my life.
2
SPEAKER_01
Callie and you were saying you should do it.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I m saying, I don t weigh it like that.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like, well, I guess two people think I should and I shouldn t, but that s two against one.
2
SPEAKER_01
If I don t, I don t.
2
SPEAKER_01
Right.
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, anyway, then I was like, I m going to go on dates.
2
SPEAKER_00
Obviously, we should go on a double date because that s been my dream since day one.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like, all I want to do is go on double dates.
2
SPEAKER_00
Not like, well, obviously, when you re in a relationship, it s fun, but I think it s even better.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like, I think first dates should always be double dates.
2
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
2
SPEAKER_00
That would just make first dates so much better, but no one wants to do that with me.
2
SPEAKER_01
I do like that idea, but I don t think the men would like that idea very much.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like I think it might be harder for them to be on their game or maybe it removes the idea that everyone s gonna like sleep together.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean to me it makes it a more fun because you re with your friend.
2
SPEAKER_00
So even if you re not into the person or one of you isn t into the person like
2
SPEAKER_00
You re still going to have a good time.
2
SPEAKER_00
It takes the pressure off.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s like a team project.
2
SPEAKER_00
You know, it s like, oh my God, great.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t have to do this essay on my own.
2
SPEAKER_00
And you re sharing, I think, the hard parts of the team project.
2
SPEAKER_00
If there s a lull in conversation or... Somebody fills it.
2
SPEAKER_00
I really do like this idea.
2
SPEAKER_01
But again, would you like to do that on a first date?
2
SPEAKER_02
If it was my friend... That s what it has to be, right?
2
SPEAKER_01
Which this is what it was gonna be.
2
SPEAKER_01
Liz was gonna reach out to... She gave me three options of the person she wanted to go on a date with.
2
SPEAKER_01
But then we would ask that person to bring a friend.
2
SPEAKER_02
So it s two first dates happening at the same time.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_02
I think that s better than if she s bringing her friend and her friend s boyfriend.
2
SPEAKER_00
It has to be a first date for everybody.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s not like I m bringing this couple.
2
SPEAKER_02
I wouldn t mind that.
2
SPEAKER_02
It feels like less pressure.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
I think this is like a cool... I don t like more people don t do it.
2
SPEAKER_00
I would be so excited if I was supposed to go on a date and this guy be like, I m gonna bring my friend.
2
SPEAKER_00
Bring a cute single friend.
2
SPEAKER_00
I d be like, I love you.
2
SPEAKER_00
This is so fun.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m still down for this.
2
SPEAKER_00
And now we re home.
2
SPEAKER_00
We could do it here.
2
SPEAKER_00
We could.
2
SPEAKER_00
Less people.
2
SPEAKER_00
In New York, there s more options.
2
SPEAKER_00
But I could, if you are telling me you re into it, I will make it happen.
2
SPEAKER_00
Arrange this.
2
SPEAKER_00
I think we should.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I think you need to make it happen.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m going to make it happen.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s exciting.
2
SPEAKER_01
We ll do the same thing.
2
SPEAKER_01
You ll give options.
2
SPEAKER_01
Why don t we do it on here?
2
SPEAKER_01
Obviously, you don t say names, but you ll say, these are the five options.
2
SPEAKER_01
This person is a blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
2
SPEAKER_01
This is what he s like.
2
SPEAKER_01
Then this, this, and this.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then I ll pick.
2
SPEAKER_01
But again, that s for you.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_01
Your options are the person for you.
2
SPEAKER_01
Then that person brings a friend.
2
SPEAKER_01
For me, we don t know anything.
2
SPEAKER_01
I love that, because I m like, if I don t like them, I ll just— It s grouping.
2
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
2
SPEAKER_00
We re having dinner, and it s fun.
2
SPEAKER_00
I like this a lot.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m gonna plot.
2
SPEAKER_00
This is fun.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_00
TBD.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, shall we do a little—some questions?
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_01
To what degree should I put aside my own needs because the boy I m dating is neurodivergent?
2
SPEAKER_01
This is from EJ.
2
SPEAKER_01
Dear Monica and Liz, first of all, thank you for making my Wednesdays.
2
SPEAKER_01
I look forward to listening every week on my morning hot girl walk.
2
SPEAKER_01
I would love your advice on this topic, particularly because my friends all have differing opinions.
2
SPEAKER_01
I ve been dating a boy for about six months and think he s wonderful.
2
SPEAKER_01
He s funny, warm, and completely unique.
2
SPEAKER_01
A real standout.
2
SPEAKER_01
He s on the spectrum and has made it clear he requires a lot of his own space and time.
2
SPEAKER_01
This has worked for me perfectly so far as I m also fiercely independent and not long out of a long-term relationship.
2
SPEAKER_01
We live in two different cities and see each other about once every two to three weeks.
2
SPEAKER_01
Perfect, right?
2
SPEAKER_01
The problem I m currently having is that his need for space is morphing more and more into complete hibernation mode.
2
SPEAKER_01
The door to his life perpetually swinging from wide open to firmly shut.
2
SPEAKER_01
I never know when this is going to happen or why and I m finding it really discombobulating.
2
SPEAKER_01
And it s hard not to take it personally, especially as when we were first dating he would be in contact all the time.
2
SPEAKER_01
I want to be understanding of his needs as someone neurodiverse, but I also don t want to be picked up and put down as and when it suits.
2
SPEAKER_01
I feel a bit like the sometimes shiny thing that s losing its luster as time goes on.
2
SPEAKER_01
Is it okay to ask for more consistent communication or do I just need to understand that this is how his brain works and either be okay with that or not?
2
SPEAKER_01
I think his mind is complete magic, so I don t want him to change.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m just trying to balance that with protecting my own well-being.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I can t help but feel that neurodivergent or not, he s just being a bit of a boy.
2
SPEAKER_01
Your thoughts are much valued with love and admiration.
2
SPEAKER_01
EJ, great question.
2
SPEAKER_01
Hard question.
2
SPEAKER_01
I would really struggle with this.
2
SPEAKER_01
Look, I mean, I think your needs are your needs, like regardless.
3
SPEAKER_00
of the person.
3
SPEAKER_00
Neurodivergent or not, people have elements to their personality that don t match up perfectly, right?
3
SPEAKER_00
With your needs.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s always this decision of, am I okay with this piece of them?
3
SPEAKER_00
Because it means X, Y, and Z for me.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s who this person is, and it s not going to change.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I think everyone has to sort of do that.
3
SPEAKER_00
So that s why I think this is a great question.
3
SPEAKER_00
I still think it s worth communicating.
3
SPEAKER_01
One million percent.
3
SPEAKER_01
Because if you want to be together, this is going to have to be not like a covert, but like an overt conversation.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Maybe over and over and over again.
3
SPEAKER_01
And this might be your biggest issue slash like an issue that never is fully quote unquote fixed and that will require the both of you to come to like a compromise about.
3
SPEAKER_01
I did it someone who was very much like this and I remember talking to my therapist about it and at the beginning sort of attributing a lot of his behaviors of distance and isolation to this neurodivergence.
3
SPEAKER_01
And at one point, I remember it shifting to like, well, is that the neurodivergence or is he kind of using these things as an excuse?
3
SPEAKER_01
What is, I mean, not just being a boy, but clear avoidance and sort of refusal and just to take it one step further.
3
SPEAKER_01
In my case, when I brought it up, there wasn t a lot of interest about how it affected me.
3
SPEAKER_01
There was more defensiveness and being like, well, even if I don t write to you, that doesn t mean I m not thinking about you, which I was like, how am I supposed to guess right and be a mind reader.
3
SPEAKER_01
And that s when it just became clear like this isn t going to work long term because this person isn t really interested in how this is affecting me.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, that should be the conversation.
3
SPEAKER_01
And at least even if the thing doesn t get fixed, quote unquote, completely, they re interested in how you re being affected by their neurodivergence.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, how you re feeling.
3
SPEAKER_01
And without ever bringing it up, you d never know.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I understand the reluctance to bring it up because you don t want it to be perceived as intolerant or you don t want it to kind of create shame, but it is going to affect the relationship.
3
SPEAKER_01
And even we think about neurodivergence, I think autism comes up as one of the neurodivergences that will like affect the relationship a lot.
3
SPEAKER_01
But even ADHD, like, I was just home and my mom has ADHD, was diagnosed after I was diagnosed.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, really?
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I had to be like, hi, this is, you have ADHD.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
And then what s interesting is that I think it gave a lot more understanding to my dad than it did to my mom.
3
SPEAKER_01
It helped my dad understand my mom, the relationship, that the things that she was doing weren t because she didn t care about him, but they were literally a result of her brain being different.
3
SPEAKER_01
When I talked to my dad about it, you know, it was like, the way that someone s brain is, is not their fault, but it is their responsibility.
3
SPEAKER_00
It is their responsibility, yes.
3
SPEAKER_00
When it comes to connecting with others, I mean, this is life and compromise is a part of it, regardless of who you are.
3
SPEAKER_00
And so I don t know, but maybe the neurodivergence is going to stop him from being able to meet you exactly where you want.
3
SPEAKER_00
But together, you guys can come up with some sort of system so that you feel safer.
3
SPEAKER_00
And if he is willing to do that, I think that s a great thing.
3
SPEAKER_00
step and like that also tells you a lot that he s taking your needs into consideration.
3
SPEAKER_00
But if he s not willing, I think that s a bigger issue.
3
SPEAKER_00
Right.
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean, how are you going to how are you going to be in a long term relationship?
3
SPEAKER_00
You can t feel like this forever.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
And the more
3
SPEAKER_01
specific, the better with neurodivergence in general.
3
SPEAKER_01
So saying, I need to get a text from you.
3
SPEAKER_01
If you re in a long distance relationship, whatever that means to you, like every day or once every two days, I need there to be a text or a phone call.
3
SPEAKER_01
Or again, if texting is overwhelming for him, just learn what works for him.
3
SPEAKER_01
And then again, you re going to have to move a little bit to the center, but he s going to have to move a little bit to the center.
3
SPEAKER_01
When I think about any relationship issue, I m like, if both people are moving a little bit, that s great.
3
SPEAKER_01
If one person s constantly the one moving, like that s the problem.
3
SPEAKER_01
I mean, there s just no way.
3
SPEAKER_01
You re ignoring your needs, and you re eventually going to be annoyed about that.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_00
Good question, though.
3
SPEAKER_00
We are supported by SKIMS.
3
SPEAKER_00
I wore my SKIMS— I have a sweatshirt and sweatpants suit, like Hunter Green sweatpants suit.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s my new plane go-to.
3
SPEAKER_00
So if you see me at the airport, you re gonna see me in that.
3
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I flew four times, and I wore it every time.
3
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They re so comfortable that, honestly, every trip I go to, I take my latest SKIM products and I just pack them and I know that they re going to make every outfit look great.
3
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I have the soft, smoothing, seamless t-shirt in Marble, and the Fits Everybody t-shirt in Onyx, and they just look so good.
3
SPEAKER_01
No matter what your body type is, it s wild.
3
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It is actually, it is wild.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I also have the Fits Everybody short-sleeved t-shirt in cocoa, and it s so cute.
3
SPEAKER_00
And our bodies are so different, but it manages to, like, make everyone s body look extremely flattering.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s such a good gift idea, too.
3
SPEAKER_00
If you can, like, bundle up a bunch of skims and give that as a gift, that is prime.
3
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That s incredible.
3
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After you place your order, select podcast in the survey and select our show in the dropdown menu that follows.
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Support for Synced comes from Say.
3
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Okay, when I saw that Say was sponsoring, I made a squeal.
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3
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It s such a good... I mean, I already use their products a ton.
3
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We talk about makeup events all the time, and this is in keeping with that.
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3
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Everyone already uses SAE, but if you don t, you should.
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And I was at my facialist recently.
3
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She basically was like, you have to use only clean products, which I was like, oh no.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like there s so many that aren t, but I felt lucky because I had some new SAE products and I can use them and it s incredible.
3
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And often clean products, let s just be honest, they re not always the best ones.
3
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And the fact that this is like such a high quality product and it s clean, it s like such a home run.
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It s a gift.
3
SPEAKER_00
Their slip tint SPF 35 tinted moisturizer is like one of their biggest best selling products and is so good.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like it applies so well and it s hard to kind of get a good tinted moisturizer.
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This one s great.
3
SPEAKER_00
They have a great glowy super gel.
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The Dew Blush.
3
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I just love anything that s dewy.
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I know, exactly.
3
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The Glowy Super Gel, which is like the number one bestseller.
3
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3
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3
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It looks like you re not wearing any makeup, but you look great.
3
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3
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So shop now at Sephora.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, this is tricky.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_00
My BFF s kid sucks.
3
SPEAKER_00
This is from Angela.
3
SPEAKER_00
Hi, Monica and Liz.
3
SPEAKER_00
Long time listener, first time caller.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m in an odd position.
3
SPEAKER_00
My best friend of 10 plus years magically had our first babies within a few weeks of each other.
3
SPEAKER_00
We re obviously gone through all of the pregnancy, birth, parenting things around the same time, and it s been so lovely having someone to think of it with me.
3
SPEAKER_00
We ve always joked how we do things opposite of each other at every junction, but still remain so close and respect each other s decisions.
3
SPEAKER_00
Now we have toddlers, and the more time we spend together, the difference in parenting decisions is glaring.
3
SPEAKER_00
From behavior, discipline, sugar intake, sleeping, eating, potty training, it s hard for me to not think about the quote, bad habits that are rubbing off on my kid and setting unrealistic expectations.
3
SPEAKER_00
After every weekend together, it s like we have to reset and go back to real life.
3
SPEAKER_00
For example, when one kid is getting a sugary treat every 30 minutes, it s difficult for me to be the party pooper that God forbid serves a meal with some sort of protein and water to drink.
3
SPEAKER_00
How can I gently set boundaries and not ruin the friendship?
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, kids are so hard.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I ve seen in my own friendship group, I think it s beautiful.
3
SPEAKER_00
Everyone is parents very differently, but it all is fairly cohesive.
3
SPEAKER_00
There s not these massive, massive differences, but there are differences.
3
SPEAKER_00
And basically it s your responsibility in your own family to tell your own kid, these are the rules in our house.
3
SPEAKER_00
And so I know Johnny gets 14 donuts a day, but that s not the rule here because I want you to have growing food, whatever the rule is, whatever the real reason is.
3
SPEAKER_00
It sucks that you re being put in that position, but it s just sort of standing by your own rules.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s not about changing her rules, which I don t think she s really saying, but I guess distance, if you re really like, this is taking a toll, then maybe you don t see them every weekend.
3
SPEAKER_00
But you need to figure out how that s going to affect you.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like if you really love having this mom in your life and this best friend in your life, I think you can just remember that boundaries are the things you won t do.
3
SPEAKER_00
Not asking someone else to do something.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
I also think like this is going to happen.
3
SPEAKER_01
I remember being a kid and at my house there were certain rules.
3
SPEAKER_01
There s a whole TikTok trend about like if you were an ingredients household, like you had no snacks.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh.
3
SPEAKER_01
And so you would end up eating like chocolate chips.
3
SPEAKER_00
Sure.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s what I do now.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, those are like cookies.
3
SPEAKER_01
There s no cookies.
3
SPEAKER_01
There was no soda.
3
SPEAKER_01
That was insane.
3
SPEAKER_01
The idea that I could have soda with dinner was crazy, but then I d go to my friends  houses and there s different rules in every house.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
different channels.
4
SPEAKER_01
They have cable and you don t.
4
SPEAKER_01
They re allowed to do whatever.
4
SPEAKER_01
And so that s kind of part of childhood.
4
SPEAKER_01
You know, I understand it s probably harder when they re younger for kids to understand that, but it s going to happen.
4
SPEAKER_01
Kids are going to be pissed off and like, that s kind of part of life.
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t think it s, you have to ensure that you re always, you know.
4
SPEAKER_01
on the same page with everyone that your kid will ever interact with.
4
SPEAKER_01
And right now it seems like you are a little bit in charge of who they re hanging out with, but eventually you won t.
4
SPEAKER_01
And so why not get used to it now to like, you know, have those kind of tough conversations with their kids for them to understand that they can t always get what they want.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s how they do it in that house.
4
SPEAKER_00
And we have our own rules here.
4
SPEAKER_00
Totally.
4
SPEAKER_00
is going to be annoying for a bit.
4
SPEAKER_00
They are going to probably throw tantrums and they re like, why can t I have this?
4
SPEAKER_00
And you can tell them why.
4
SPEAKER_00
You don t have to feel scared to say, I don t think sugar is good for your body.
4
SPEAKER_00
And you can say it if you need to in front of them.
4
SPEAKER_00
You don t have to tiptoe around it.
4
SPEAKER_00
Stick to your rule.
4
SPEAKER_00
But I don t know that you need to like remove the person.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, unless you don t feel good when you, you know, maybe you re going to hang out with other people for a while or less often.
4
SPEAKER_01
I understand it s like you want it to be fun for you as a parent.
4
SPEAKER_01
And if you re constantly kind of disciplining instead of hanging out and having more leisurely time, then like, yeah, it might be time to step
4
SPEAKER_01
a little bit.
4
SPEAKER_01
And like, you probably won t agree with this, but I also think if you re openly saying these things, I would want my friends to be a little bit aware.
4
SPEAKER_01
That the behavior was bad.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
Or like, okay, maybe when we re hanging out with them, we ll sort of adjust a little bit.
4
SPEAKER_01
That s what I would maybe expect over time.
4
SPEAKER_01
If you re saying things directly and honestly and like, to your own kid, you re not saying it to them.
4
SPEAKER_01
But maybe that s toxic.
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t think I m
4
SPEAKER_01
Like, if we re hanging out and I m constantly having to tell my kid, no, you can t have this, and you re constantly bringing popsicles and stuff that my kid can t have, I would also expect you as my friend to kind of notice, but maybe that s too much.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t think it s too much.
4
SPEAKER_00
That could be a conversation.
4
SPEAKER_00
I think it s hard to tell somebody else what to do and what not to do, but I guess you could try to have that conversation.
4
SPEAKER_00
My kid is struggling a lot with sugar, so I m trying to have less of it in the house.
4
SPEAKER_00
Do you think today we could try to do no sugar?
4
SPEAKER_00
Can I bring snacks, you know?
4
SPEAKER_00
But ultimately, it is just about sticking to your own rules.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s a good question.
4
SPEAKER_00
And this is hard.
4
SPEAKER_00
Kids make things really
4
SPEAKER_00
Hard.
4
SPEAKER_00
Everyone parents differently.
4
SPEAKER_00
Every kid is different.
4
SPEAKER_00
The kids in a group will get in fights.
4
SPEAKER_00
How do the parents react to the kids getting in fights?
4
SPEAKER_00
I m very impressed with my friend group.
4
SPEAKER_00
I think everyone navigates it really, really well.
4
SPEAKER_00
I think the grownups are good about understanding that kids are kids.
4
SPEAKER_00
And when they are upset with each other, it s not reflective of the grownups.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, they re good.
4
SPEAKER_00
I appreciate that.
4
SPEAKER_00
But kids are going to yell at each other, get in big fights, are going to cry.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s going to happen.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay, do we have time for one more?
4
SPEAKER_00
I think so.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s 11-11.
4
SPEAKER_00
Of course.
4
SPEAKER_00
Black Cat, 11-11.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh my gosh.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay, let s do... Okay, this is a fun one.
4
SPEAKER_00
How to Confront My Pilates Instructor.
4
SPEAKER_00
This is from Kat.
4
SPEAKER_00
This might sound like a silly question, but it s something that s been bothering me and I haven t been able to muster up the courage to do something about it.
4
SPEAKER_00
I go to Pilates classes five times a week at a small studio where the instructor is the owner.
4
SPEAKER_00
She has one of those room fresheners that automatically sprays fragrance every so often.
4
SPEAKER_00
I find the smell way too strong and it makes me hold my breath every time.
4
SPEAKER_00
Not great when you re working out.
4
SPEAKER_00
I also worry about all the endocrine-disrupting, cancer-causing chemicals and try to only use natural and non-toxic products, especially since I have an increased risk of cancer from Bracca.
4
SPEAKER_00
How do I approach her about this, or should I just suck it up and live with it since it s her studio?
4
SPEAKER_00
I ve thought about suggesting or even buying her a diffuser with essential oils instead, but I m a bit shy and bringing it up makes me nervous.
4
SPEAKER_00
Help. 
4
SPEAKER_01
I would change studios because if you re sensitive to all of this, probably the cleaning products are like, you know, there s gonna be other things that might not, you know, maybe I would call in again.
4
SPEAKER_01
I would change studios because I can t do confrontation even though this is like not even confrontation for most people.
4
SPEAKER_01
If it was the only one near me and I need to go there, I would probably try and do it anonymously.
4
SPEAKER_01
I would write an email.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s not bad.
4
SPEAKER_01
I would do that a million times before having the conversation.
4
SPEAKER_01
But this is my worst nightmare.
4
SPEAKER_01
This is my mom s full-time job.
4
SPEAKER_01
kid, particularly when I was with her, so I was always embarrassed by it.
4
SPEAKER_01
If there was something she didn t think was clean or environmentally friendly, we would go and buy, like, chips at a gas station, and she would yell at them for having, like, porn magazines at my eyesight.
4
SPEAKER_01
Which, again, looking back, I m like, everything she said made sense, but she had no qualms about it, and I just would be mortified.
4
SPEAKER_01
So, I think it s like a weird thing that I have about it.
4
SPEAKER_01
But my mom, you could, my mom would do it for you.
4
SPEAKER_01
That would be my advice.
4
SPEAKER_01
Just my mom will call.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
One, I actually think the same.
4
SPEAKER_00
I would also move studios, not because of the confrontation, but just because this is something I can t get over about this environment.
4
SPEAKER_00
So, it s up to me to find something that works for me.
4
SPEAKER_00
But if there s nothing nearby or it is just like the best workout of your life,
4
SPEAKER_00
You could do it in an email, but not anonymously.
4
SPEAKER_00
But I think you could say, hey, I love your class so much.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s changed my life.
4
SPEAKER_00
I can t imagine not coming five times a week here.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m just struggling a little bit with the fragrance.
4
SPEAKER_00
And say why.
4
SPEAKER_00
Maybe you can say like, I m super sensitive to smells and I kind of feel like I have to hold my breath
4
SPEAKER_00
I always say like, this is a me issue.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m so sensitive.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m wondering if there s any workarounds where we don t spray the air freshener during those classes.
4
SPEAKER_00
And obviously let me know if it s not an option.
4
SPEAKER_00
There s like a way to phrase it.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
She ll probably be like, yeah, it s fine.
4
SPEAKER_00
I won t spray it while you re in the class.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s probably how this is gonna go.
4
SPEAKER_00
It ll be easy.
4
SPEAKER_00
Or, if she says, I really have to, then you go to a different place.
4
SPEAKER_00
I would not feel offended.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s a sweaty workout place.
4
SPEAKER_00
She s just trying to, like, make it smell good.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s not her identity.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like, I think it s gonna be totally fine if you approach it in a very self-aware way and take responsibility that it s like, this is me.
4
SPEAKER_00
I know it s me.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m so sorry to ask, but is there any way?
4
SPEAKER_00
She ll say yes or no.
4
SPEAKER_00
I just have, like, so much, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Because it scares you so much.
4
SPEAKER_00
What s the worst that could happen if you confront?
4
SPEAKER_01
In the way I said.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay, even now it s challenging me to think about this.
4
SPEAKER_01
The idea that I would change an entire, everybody s environment based on my preference would be, but again, that s my hangup.
4
SPEAKER_00
I actually think that s a very healthy way to look at it.
4
SPEAKER_00
I think I feel that way.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like if everyone likes something and I m the only one who doesn t,
4
SPEAKER_00
That s sort of on me to then figure it out.
4
SPEAKER_00
But I bet maybe a lot of people feel this way.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Because also strong smells in a small environment that s trying to cover up.
4
SPEAKER_00
People spray Febreze over their poop, but it just smells like poop plus flowers.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like it s just bad.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
So I think in this case, specifically, it s okay to try.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
And if the instructor says a lot of people have said they need it or they like it or they hate the smell in here, you ll have your answer.
4
SPEAKER_01
I mean, if this was strategy advice, I would say don t make it about how sensitive you are.
4
SPEAKER_01
Then you re acknowledging that it s just a you issue as opposed to, because if the goal is to change, you would just say like, it s kind of distracting.
4
SPEAKER_00
That would make me defensive.
4
SPEAKER_00
If I was a Pilates instructor and I made this decision and then a person in my class was like, it s distracting, I would be like, go to another studio.
4
SPEAKER_00
But if they were like, I m so sorry, I m having an issue and I love it here, so I really don t want to go anywhere else.
4
SPEAKER_00
But you have to understand it is your issue before I m gonna make any changes for you.
4
SPEAKER_00
If you re just acting like it s objectively a problem when it s not objectively a problem, I m like, no.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay, my thinking is like, if you re acknowledging that you have a sensitivity, you re kind of acknowledging that to most people this won t be a problem, but for you it s a problem.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, but that s what you re saying.
4
SPEAKER_01
And so they should change it because of one person as opposed to like, this might bother a lot of people.
4
SPEAKER_00
But as long as it s not like negatively affecting the other people.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like if she was like, I can only do downward dog.
4
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I m not good at Pilates.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t know Pilates.
4
SPEAKER_00
I can t do this full thing.
4
SPEAKER_00
So can you please not put that in the routine?
4
SPEAKER_00
Like that s a much different thing.
4
SPEAKER_00
This shouldn t negatively affect anyone else.
4
SPEAKER_00
It should be fine to ask.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s funny.
4
SPEAKER_00
I feel like your mixed message is a little bit on that because you do ask, you ask for like changes in food and stuff.
4
SPEAKER_00
You re fine with that.
4
SPEAKER_00
To my own plate.
4
SPEAKER_01
But I feel bad doing it.
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t love doing it.
4
SPEAKER_01
But you do it.
4
SPEAKER_01
But I do it because I m so picky.
4
SPEAKER_01
I mean, or else I won t eat.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m so picky.
4
SPEAKER_00
Right.
4
SPEAKER_01
So I m surprised that hasn t changed your...
4
SPEAKER_01
No, you re right.
4
SPEAKER_01
This is revealing to me a lot.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m like, why is this so intense for me?
4
SPEAKER_01
And I m pretty assertive.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m a pretty assertive person.
4
SPEAKER_01
Right.
4
SPEAKER_01
But there s something about changing an environment.
4
SPEAKER_01
My mom does this where she ll literally go to a restaurant and then she ll be like, the music s too loud.
4
SPEAKER_01
You need to put it.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I m like, mom, I can t.
4
SPEAKER_01
But again, my dad, it s like my dad literally can hear us.
4
SPEAKER_01
But I m just like, we have to go to a restaurant where there s lower music or ask if we can be maybe further away from the music.
4
SPEAKER_01
But we can t change the whole environment based on our preference.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m generally, I m on your page.
4
SPEAKER_00
Everyone s different.
4
SPEAKER_00
Everyone is different.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
Well, we have some other really, really great questions that I m excited to get to next week.
4
SPEAKER_00
And you re going to get on the plan.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m going to get on the man plan.
4
SPEAKER_00
On the man plan.
5
SPEAKER_00
man plan.
5
SPEAKER_00
I can t wait.
5
SPEAKER_00
Should we make people vote for the guys?
5
SPEAKER_00
Well, they can t pick the second guy because whoever we pick is bringing their single friend.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yes, but who from the three?
5
SPEAKER_00
I m finding three guys in LA.
5
SPEAKER_00
I ll do my best.
5
SPEAKER_00
I mean, this is my life s work.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m so excited.
5
SPEAKER_00
I love a challenge.
5
SPEAKER_00
I know.
5
SPEAKER_00
Specifically a challenge like this.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m excited, too.
5
SPEAKER_00
I think it ll be a really fun game.
5
SPEAKER_00
I think I will be more myself in that group environment than I am on a one-on-one first date.
5
SPEAKER_00
I love this.
5
SPEAKER_00
I think I should report back— Should we set up a video?
5
SPEAKER_00
No, we can t.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
5
SPEAKER_00
No.
5
SPEAKER_00
We re doing it.
5
SPEAKER_00
No, we re not doing that.
5
SPEAKER_00
That ll be part of the condition.
5
SPEAKER_00
No.
5
SPEAKER_00
Is this just a game, or are we trying to maybe date these people?
5
SPEAKER_00
We re trying to date— Then we can t have video.
5
SPEAKER_00
I videotaped a first date.
5
SPEAKER_00
How d it go?
5
SPEAKER_00
We were together for a year, but I only did it once and it worked.
5
SPEAKER_00
See?
5
SPEAKER_00
Okay, maybe we should do it.
5
SPEAKER_00
No, no, no.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m gonna put a veto on that.
5
SPEAKER_00
Even though I should never have suggested that.
5
SPEAKER_00
But we will report that.
5
SPEAKER_00
We ll take a selfie.
5
SPEAKER_00
Honestly, if we reveal their identities, then we can t really talk about it.
5
SPEAKER_00
We re not going to reveal their identities.
5
SPEAKER_00
No.
5
SPEAKER_00
Well, if we take a video, we would.
5
SPEAKER_00
So we shouldn t.
5
SPEAKER_00
We re not doing that.
5
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_00
But we are going to talk about the options.
5
SPEAKER_00
Options.
5
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_00
Without giving any names and very personal details.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
Cool.
5
SPEAKER_00
Can t wait.
5
SPEAKER_00
See you next week.
5
SPEAKER_00
Bye.
5
SPEAKER_00
Bye.