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My name is Lee Hawkins.
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I ve been a journalist for over 25 years.
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On my new podcast, What Happened in Alabama, I get answers to some of the hardest questions about how things came to be for many black Americans and the truth that must come before any reconciliation can happen.
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I investigate my family history, my upbringing in Minnesota, and my father s painful nightmares about growing up in Alabama.
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What Happened in Alabama is a new series confronting the cycles of trauma for myself, my family, and for many Black Americans.
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Listen now.
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Hello, listeners.
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As you probably know, Advice of Yesteryear is a recurring segment on the show that s become a fan favorite.
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That s where I read a problem sent to an advice column long ago, and my guest and I try to come up with an answer that s a little better.
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And one of the columnists we most frequently go to is named Dorothy Dix.
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To say Dorothy Dix is no nonsense would be very generous.
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A lot of her advice heard today seems downright harsh.
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When Kristen Bell came on the show, one of Dorothy s responses was so brutal that Kristen was convinced Dorothy was actually a man pretending to be a woman.
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So let s set the record straight with this Dorothy Dix deep dive.
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Dorothy Dix was, in fact, a woman, Elizabeth Meriwether Gilmer.
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Sorry, Kristen.
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She was born in Tennessee in 1861 to a Southern aristocratic family who lost a lot of their fortune during the Civil War.
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Elizabeth s mother died when she was a child.
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She didn t have much formal education and suffered a mental breakdown after years in her unhappy marriage.
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She traveled to Bay St.
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Louis on the Mississippi Gulf to recover.
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That s where things started to turn around for Elizabeth.
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She wrote stories and sketches of her life as a way to heal.
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And some of those stories got picked up by the newspapers.
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Her career was launched.
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Her first advice column debuted in May 1895 under the pseudonym Dorothy Dix.
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It was a hit.
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At the peak of her career, her column was printed in 273 newspapers and reached an audience of about 60 million people.
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Her career spanned over half a century.
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She was a celebrity, and at the time, the highest paid newspaper woman in the world, with a multi-million dollar fortune at the time of her death in 1951 at age 90.
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She is remembered for advocating for women to become more independent, but also remained loyal to the traditional conventions of a quote, unquote, Southern lady.
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That s what we have in common, right?
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Dorothy, from one Southern lady to another, thanks for your column.
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It s been an endless source of joy and confusion for me, my guests, and hopefully all the listeners out there.
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Now, on with the show.
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I do.
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Yeah.
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And that s just my general way that I look.
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Well, that s just your way of being.
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Yeah.
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Stink eye.
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Well, you ve parlayed it into a very, very lucrative career.
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I can tell by your office.
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This is Don t Ask Tig, I m Tig Notaro, and when it comes to good advice, I am not a golden god.
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Today s guest is an Emmy, Critics  Choice, and Tony Award winning actor.
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He starred in Justice League, Watchmen, and the Oscar winning film Spotlight and Almost Famous.
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He also acts in The Morning Show alongside yours truly.
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He produces and stars in the recently released Apple TV show, Hello Tomorrow.
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Billy Crudup, welcome to Don t Ask Tig.
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Tig.
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Billy.
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Tig.
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Billy.
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Tig, Tig.
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Thank you so much for having me.
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I have been waiting to do this ever since early this morning.
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We had some voice memos that went back and forth.
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I thought that was our reporting and I was obviously grossly mistaken.
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You thought that was the podcast.
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Was you texting me?
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Well, we left the voice memos relaying our various concerns about one another and including your request for a podcast.
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And I relayed my concerns and enthusiasm for sharing in your podcast if that was the format.
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Here you are.
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Here I am.
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One of the things that I love about you is that you love to laugh, Billy.
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Well, I do.
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Let s hear it.
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Well, let s find the right moment.
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Okay.
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I can t give it away for free.
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You re somebody that working with you, being on set, there s nothing more satisfying than turning and being like, well, let me see what I can dig up with this guy.
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I love laughing with you.
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I love making you laugh.
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I love seeing your happy face.
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You ve given me some considerable belly laughs.
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Stephanie made fun of me because, like, when we showed up at that party that we were at together and I saw you, I was like, oh, there s my boy.
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There s Bill.
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Billbo, beeline right to you, because I knew there was going to be some cackling, giggling and laughter.
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I look forward to your company wherever I can find it, Tig.
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Same.
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Now, it s my understanding, Billy, that growing up, you moved around a lot and you ve said that the way you fit in was being the class clown.
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Is that still how you position yourself in social settings, would you say?
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Or has it evolved?
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I think it s certainly evolved over the period of time that I ve attempted to become a serious actor.
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It didn t seem to me there was a great future for me as a class clown.
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Eventually, when you graduate, you can t go back to class.
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If you do, you re trespassing.
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So there wasn t a great forum for me to land my gems.
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And by that, I mean gems.
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Let s hear one.
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Well, I need a proper setup in a classroom setting.
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I will say Richard Winfield and I, we competed for a prize together in fourth grade.
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Are you still in touch?
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I haven t seen him in a bit, but I feel like there was some contact made around 15 years ago.
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I believe he practices law now in Texas.
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Nice.
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And I think the source of our
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buffoonery, tomfoolery, was that we were both tiny, easy to pass by.
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So we competed.
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I believe Kirk Kibler was the magistrate who judged whether or not either of us were rewarded the class clown prize.
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And are you in touch with Kirk?
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No.
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Kirk and I did serve together on the student council.
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He was the president.
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I was the vice president.
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Is he gonna be floored when, because I know he s listening.
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Oh, here was one of my great, this was on the campaign trail when I was stumping for vice president of the sixth grade.
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I said, now I m not gonna promise you that I can produce Coca-Cola out of the water fountains.
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Huh?
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Huh?
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Yeah, yeah, yeah, that s good.
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But I will be present at each and every meeting.
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And is that what everybody was interested in?
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Was Coca-Cola out of the water fountains?
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In my imagination, I mean, I, you know, I would think any bureaucratic mind, you would want a sort of, especially in sixth grade, some kind of Willy Wonka factory.
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Yeah, you don t care if you have rotten teeth.
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Who s thinking about teeth in the sixth grade?
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That s your parents  problem.
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Yeah, exactly.
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You know what s weird about what happens when you get rotten teeth?
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What happens?
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They get a crown, which seems like you shouldn t get such a positive thing.
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You re reinforcing.
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Your rotten tooth is crowned for being rotten.
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I confess, I have bought into this scheme.
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I do have a crown.
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Oh, Billy.
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Yes, Dick.
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We ve talked about your father.
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You ve described him as a hustler, a loan shark, a bookie filled with hope and optimism, but also insecurity.
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Remember I told you my father had like a knife in his cowboy boot and all that kind of stuff.
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Yeah, my dad liked to carry a 9mm from time to time and I saw it off shotgun next to his bed and there was always a bit of charm around it.
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If I had observed it from an alternate point of view, I would realize when my dad was going on a pickup for what he would call a deadbeat,
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on my way to soccer practice.
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And he was riding with his colleague, Mr. O, who had a pit bull named Bullet.
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He s a six foot four former boxer.
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He told me to wait in the car and listen to some Santana on the eight track while they went up to the door.
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And I would watch he and Mr. O have kind of pleasant conversation and then move their jackets sort of to the side as one does in a
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Yeah.
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It seemed like that was a threatening environment.
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Yet when he would get back in the car and drop Mr. O off, we d go back and he would coach our soccer team.
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So there was an air of this is all fine.
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Don t worry.
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How do you feel like that shaped you into who you are today?
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Oh, there s a great question.
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That is terrific.
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Well, one wonderful thing about my dad was he was very curious about people.
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He loved people and he was interested in people from all walks of life.
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So that level of curiosity and enthusiasm in the face of what might be alarming obstacles,
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I suppose has shaped some of my curiosity in people, probably most closely associated with my work and the kinds of parts that I m interested in.
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But needless to say, if you re part of the entertainment business, as you well know, and you re on the road a lot, the carnival life is not for everyone.
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You occasionally have to manage some rather complex interpersonal experiences.
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The number of times we d be on a road trip and my dad would say, all right,
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It s a three day weekend.
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I m sure the Holiday Inn is booked up.
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Let me just go to the front desk and you guys follow my lead.
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How you doing?
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Tom Crudup here.
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Got my oldest here.
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That s Quatro.
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He s number four.
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We call him the Quatro, Tom and Crudup the fourth.
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That s Billy, Disco in the middle.
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And Brooks, he s bringing up the rear.
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Now we have my secretary, I m sure made a reservation under the name of Crudup, if you could be so kind as to check.
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And then he d look back at us and say, look sad, look sad.
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I was very, as I said before, small and skinny.
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It was easy for me to feign malnutrition.
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And when the reservation wasn t there and they were overbooked, he d say, oh, God, talk it.
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I mean, wow.
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I mean, anything in the area, you got a connection with the best Western.
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And he d say, I m so sorry, let me see what I can do.
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And needless to say, 10 minutes later, we d be saddling up to a day s end, the very comfortable two queen beds.
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It was charming.
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And this is where it comes full circle.
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Guess whose father was a security guard at the Days Inn?
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I knew we d worked together before.
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My father was a security guard there.
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Holy cow.
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Well, I d be surprised if they hadn t encountered one another.
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But, you know, that kind of experience, if it doesn t traumatize you to the point of leaving you without any skills, I think builds a sense of capability managing some awkward positions.
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Yeah, I feel capable.
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I bet you do.
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Billy, my man, you told the New York Times that now that you ve established the career that you hope for, you re less concerned about protecting your personal life as tightly as you have most of your career.
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In that case, would you share some very juicy personal details with me and my listeners?
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I d be more than happy to, as long as they re about the characters that I play.
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Wow.
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Historically, I m happy to talk about some of the details of my early life growing up on the road.
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My present day life- Zipped up.
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Let me tell you, it just leads to a public conversation.
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And I don t want to speak for anybody else that I m currently involved with in any way.
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I actually did bring up my brothers.
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So- Nevermind.
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Yeah.
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Nevermind.
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We re not getting anything out of this.
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All right.
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It s time to give my listeners some advice, Billy.
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Give it to me.
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Given that you re a critically acclaimed stage actor, and I m not, I figured I could count on you to guide one of my younger listeners in their pursuit of theatrical excellence.
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I d love to help.
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Absolutely.
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All right, Lila writes, hey Tig, I m starring in my eighth grade production of Clue as the mysterious and possibly murderous butler Wadsworth.
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I want to do the best job I can do being as enigmatic and melodramatic as possible.
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Besides memorizing my lines, what acting advice can you and your guests provide?
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Did you want to start?
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I mean, you ve been on stage before.
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You understand a little bit of work in an audience.
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Yeah, but Billy, you re, you re the guy.
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You re the actor s actor.
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Let s start with Lila.
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Lila, keep the name.
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It s a great stage name.
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Lila is perfect.
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That s where I would start.
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Secondly, don t think about the result, Lila.
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Think about the event.
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So the way to be inscrutable on stage is to think about all the different things that the character has in mind.
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So while you re busy thinking about all those different things, the audience will be watching you thinking.
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unclear precisely what you re considering, and you will become enigmatic to the audience.
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However, if you try to act as though you re being enigmatic, what will be going through your head is a pantomime of somebody who is in the midst of an un-enigma.
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You try to say that, un-enigma.
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That s impossible, and it s not interesting.
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Think about what the story requires, Lila.
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Always start there.
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And I imagine if you are a butler in a murder mystery, you probably had something to do with it, and you re probably thinking about covering your tracks.
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So you should consider who s on to you, who s not on to you, and how you re gonna get out of it in each circumstance.
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And that amount of thinking in silence, the audience will pick up as enigmatic, and you will have achieved your goal as Butler.
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I mean, Lila.
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Does it help, Lila?
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Billy once portrayed 19 different characters in a single one-man play.
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Listen to his advice.
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Stick with the story, Lila.
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Always the story first, never the results.
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And Billy, you know, none of that is going on in my head when I m acting.
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I know we have different approaches.
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You also are in front of a live audience.
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How many days a year?
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Well, last year I did a 70 city tour, but I also did local shows.
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And so it s a lot.
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70 city tour.
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So yeah, you definitely know the carnival life and a day s insecurity guard from another.
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All right.
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Break a leg, Lila.
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And speaking of taking breaks, we are going to take a break ourselves.
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OK.
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All right.
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Terrific.
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Billy, we ll be back shortly to answer more questions.
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I m Christina Cauterucci, and this season on Slow Burn.
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It s called Proposition 6.
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The Briggs Initiative.
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John Briggs is going to fire every gay and lesbian schoolteacher in California.
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With so much at stake, young people became activists.
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We can t let this happen in California.
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And activists became leaders.
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My name is Harvey Milk, and I m here to include you.
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Slow Burn, Season 9.
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Gays Against Briggs.
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Out now, wherever you listen.
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And we re back.
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Billy, this question involves three hot button issues, roommates, money, and veganism.
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Why would you laugh at this?
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Those are the hot button issues of today.
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I was thinking more of Ukraine and nuclear war and balloons.
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No, no, no, no.
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Okay, roommates.
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What do we got?
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Roommates, hot dogs, and veganism.
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Money, roommates.
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And corn dogs.
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And veganism.
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All right, roommates, money.
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How dare you?
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Sophie writes, the water at my apartment complex went out.
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My roommates and I were unable to bathe or flush toilets for two days.
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Go to Burning Man, perfect training.
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I was gonna say, it probably goes on a lot in Billy s studio apartment.
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Listen, that s just saving resources, okay, Tig?
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Our apartment managers were great.
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They provided port-a-potties and bottles of water.
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And when the crisis was over, they even dropped off $25 gift cards for a local pizzeria to each apartment.
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Now, my three roommates are vegan.
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I am not.
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I was not home when our gift card arrived, but one of my roommates texted me this.
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gift card is here, but we ve contacted the pizzeria and they have no vegan options.
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So we thought you could use the gift card yourself and pay us $25 to go get something vegan.
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So here s my question.
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Is this proposal okay or seriously not okay?
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What s your feeling, Billy?
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I mean... This is an ethics question.
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I mean, veganism is also an ethics question.
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Absolutely.
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What the landlord is providing is compensation for being put out by the experience, right?
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So everybody s entitled to the equal compensation.
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Toilets and cash.
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Toilets and pizza.
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Some of the greatest compensatory moves have been toilets and cash historically.
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No, it s toilets and pizza.
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And pizza, cash for pizza.
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The question is, would the landlord be willing to provide compensation for someone who might not be interested in pizza?
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And I think the question should be put to the landlord
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whether or not they can provide the $25, not whether or not their roommates, lovely and shady as they may be, are entitled to her gift card because they may not use it.
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Here s my feeling.
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Give it to me.
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I would tell the landlord, hey, you know what?
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No port-a-potty for this apartment.
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Give us the cold hard cash and we will find someplace else to... To do what?
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You re shaking your head.
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You know, whatever you do in a port-a-potty.
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Do you use port-a-potties?
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I have, but give me an option of what would be another option.
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Well, I m just thinking there s more cash to be had.
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How many days do you have to hold it?
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Well, you can go places like restaurants or something.
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You probably have to buy something.
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You can go to the pizzeria.
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Yeah.
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And they d say, sure, you can use it.
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It s for customers only.
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And you go, OK, no problem.
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I ll just have a bottle of water, please.
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And they ll say $2.50.
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And so you ve got about 10 trips.
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So how many times do you go to the bathroom and how long is the water out?
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I would say you need a spreadsheet for this, Tig.
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I don t think that s a viable option.
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I think you ve got to take the port-a-potties.
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Let s just start there, bare bones.
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Okay, well, I don t like port-a-potties.
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I would rather wear an adult diaper.
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I think both are great options.
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You love port-a-potties and adult dogs.
1
SPEAKER_03
In the face of bladder issues or public defecation, I think it seems to be a better alternative, just imaginatively.
1
SPEAKER_03
Also too, if they provided port-a-potties, is that for the use for the whole building, the different apartments in it?
1
SPEAKER_03
How many port-a-potties do we have?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, this is the frustrating part of Don t Ask Tig is we can t have any follow up questions.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know, we just have to work with what we have.
1
SPEAKER_03
I hate leaving her in the lurch.
1
SPEAKER_00
I know.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t know what to tell Sophie.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m not good at math problems.
1
SPEAKER_00
This is a math problem.
1
SPEAKER_03
I would say I appreciate your offer.
1
SPEAKER_03
I ll take the gift certificate and I m going to return it to the landlord myself and explain the dilemma.
1
SPEAKER_00
OK, Sophie, congratulations on your plumbing and your pizza.
1
SPEAKER_03
Oh, I m feeling like we re on a roll, Tig.
1
SPEAKER_03
I really do.
1
SPEAKER_03
I feel like we re saving lives.
1
SPEAKER_00
We really are.
1
SPEAKER_03
We may have gotten off to a slow start, but now it s now it s cooking between Lila.
1
SPEAKER_00
No, no, there was no there s there s no slow starts when I m involved.
1
SPEAKER_00
I am.
1
SPEAKER_00
How dare you?
1
SPEAKER_00
How dare you take a laughter break from the man who said to me once on set, I love to laugh.
1
SPEAKER_03
I did not say that.
1
SPEAKER_03
There is no way.
1
SPEAKER_03
That did not sound like something I would say at all.
1
SPEAKER_03
Okay, who else can we help?
1
SPEAKER_00
You did.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay, this next question comes to us from a native of the Sunshine State.
1
SPEAKER_00
Rin writes, I m originally from Florida, and since I moved to Denver, I have found myself being asked to defend my home state.
1
SPEAKER_00
There is this notion that Florida is a lawless swampland filled with colorful people and dangerous wildlife, which is true, but I like that about Florida.
1
SPEAKER_00
How do I defend Florida with dignity?
1
SPEAKER_00
Look, you re Southern, right?
1
SPEAKER_03
Listen, I ve spent a lot of time in Florida.
1
SPEAKER_03
I ve got a lot of Floridian roots.
1
SPEAKER_00
But aren t you like North Carolina or something?
1
SPEAKER_03
That s my father s side.
1
SPEAKER_03
My mother s side is all Florida.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
All right.
1
SPEAKER_03
Before that, New Jersey.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
Not very Southern, but I, I m originally from Mississippi and it s very Southern.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I think that what s helpful is it s not like defending Florida.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think it s more so maybe painting a picture of what you come from, where you come from, who you come from, the things that make you so fond of, the maybe,
1
SPEAKER_00
the parts of the country that people kind of just put this blanket idea around or over and they just are like, oh, that place is terrible.
1
SPEAKER_00
These people are horrible.
1
SPEAKER_00
And it s like, well, not everyone and everything about, you know, each state.
1
SPEAKER_03
It s a very evolved way of thinking.
1
SPEAKER_03
And I have to say, as someone who s encountered you before, I m so happy to see the growth that s taking place here.
1
SPEAKER_00
Thank you, Billy.
1
SPEAKER_03
You re right, though.
1
SPEAKER_03
You can object to some of the laws that perhaps the current administration or bureaucracy is pushing through.
1
SPEAKER_03
But to categorize a single state, I mean, it s a pretty big state.
1
SPEAKER_03
There s a lot of people in there.
1
SPEAKER_00
There s so many people.
1
SPEAKER_03
I wouldn t want to categorize any group of people in any particular way, especially vegans.
1
SPEAKER_00
Thank you, Billy.
1
SPEAKER_03
Okay, they re not one kind of vegan.
1
SPEAKER_00
No, there s many different kinds of vegans.
1
SPEAKER_03
Some of them are nice.
1
SPEAKER_00
Some of them, yes.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, same with Floridians.
1
SPEAKER_00
Right, and Mississippians.
1
SPEAKER_03
And New Yorkers.
1
SPEAKER_00
New Yorkers.
1
SPEAKER_03
And there are some talking to one.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yes, I am talking directly to a terrible person.
1
SPEAKER_00
But I do think that, you know, I run into this all the time with loving my family and my town and my experiences and my upbringing.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I mean, sure, there was some rough stuff, too.
1
SPEAKER_00
But
1
SPEAKER_00
I really appreciate the good of where I m from and I think personalizing it rather than making it all about alligators and heat and maybe political parties that you don t agree with isn t the way to go because there s something personal everywhere.
1
SPEAKER_03
I mean, if you actually think about Florida, if you spent a lot of time in Florida, the northern part of Florida isn t Florida, it s the South, it s the deep South.
1
SPEAKER_03
The middle part of Florida, there s a tremendous amount of industry.
1
SPEAKER_03
And South Florida, there s enormous change and immigration and old institutions there.
1
SPEAKER_03
And then you get to the Keys, for Pete s sake, and that s a whole nother grouping of people.
1
SPEAKER_03
So I wouldn t be able to categorize
1
SPEAKER_03
Florida as one kind of state.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, there s a lot going on and it s very beautiful.
1
SPEAKER_03
Though some of the videos that people post about, you know, what Floridians done today, they re pretty good.
1
SPEAKER_03
I didn t know, you should know, I graduated from high school in Fort Lauderdale.
1
SPEAKER_00
Look at you.
1
SPEAKER_03
And I spent some time in Coral Gables.
1
SPEAKER_03
My mom is from Gainesville.
1
SPEAKER_03
My great grandfather was a professor at the University of Florida.
1
SPEAKER_03
So I ve got a lot of Florida ties.
1
SPEAKER_00
One of the best shows, I would say, in the top three of my tour last year was Fort Lauderdale.
1
SPEAKER_00
Hands down, one of the best shows of my entire tour.
1
SPEAKER_03
Well, give me some bullet points.
1
SPEAKER_03
Open bar, what was the... What made it good?
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
Because I know a lot of people in Fort Lauderdale.
1
SPEAKER_00
I would like to think there were some special folk in the audience and we connected.
1
SPEAKER_00
Me as a comedian and this group of people, we were jiving.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I just really like to put it out there that as tricky as some places and people can be,
1
SPEAKER_00
there are others that are not, and maybe they re stuck there for family, or they have financial reasons they can t get out, or they simply they love where they live.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so you just can t do these blanket statements on towns or states.
1
SPEAKER_03
I agree.
1
SPEAKER_03
And can we be accepting of all of the different kinds of humanity that America has to offer, particularly in Florida?
1
SPEAKER_03
As long as it s not, you know, destructive or diminishing to any group of people, I would say the more people we welcome into the great tent of American Florida, the better.
1
SPEAKER_00
Here, here.
1
SPEAKER_00
All right, Wren, you make Florida proud.
1
SPEAKER_00
Best of luck to you.
1
SPEAKER_00
Billy, our last listener question comes from- What?
1
SPEAKER_00
Sarah, I know.
1
SPEAKER_00
Just like that.
1
SPEAKER_00
Look, we ll have to go back to voice texting.
1
SPEAKER_00
Sarah writes,
1
SPEAKER_00
My five-month-old seems to enjoy being around my husband more than me, and I m so jealous.
1
SPEAKER_00
What should I do?
1
SPEAKER_00
Um... Listen, my sons are six and a half, and this is how I start out my entire show that I ve been touring around with.
1
SPEAKER_00
Hands down, Stephanie is the most popular person in our family.
1
SPEAKER_00
And it s just like... No, that s true.
1
SPEAKER_00
You re saying it s true that Stephanie s the most popular?
1
SPEAKER_03
Well, just from my experience.
1
SPEAKER_00
You like her more than you like me?
1
SPEAKER_03
I m just in terms of popularity.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, how dare you?
1
SPEAKER_00
Billy!
1
SPEAKER_03
Listen, what can I tell you?
1
SPEAKER_03
You know, Steph s a charmer and an old-time Bill Crudup fan, okay?
1
SPEAKER_03
So, how can she not be the most popular for me?
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay, but I... You re terrific.
1
SPEAKER_00
I am.
1
SPEAKER_04
And you give me an occasional belly laugh.
1
SPEAKER_00
I understand my hair does look like this, but... And I love your acting process.
1
SPEAKER_00
But...
1
SPEAKER_00
I ll have you know, does it not give me any points that you in Almost Famous was, like, my dream man?
1
SPEAKER_03
Major points.
1
SPEAKER_00
Major?
1
SPEAKER_03
Major.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_03
Just because she is more popular.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I ll say, you in Almost Famous, not her dream guy.
1
SPEAKER_00
So, more points for me.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, agreed.
1
SPEAKER_00
Agreed.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, by the way, you re neck and neck.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
Just because she s more popular doesn t mean that both of you aren t incredibly popular.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay, but you like her more.
1
SPEAKER_03
So to your listeners question, to your listeners question, just because he s more popular doesn t mean that both of them are popular.
1
SPEAKER_03
And how old is this infant?
1
SPEAKER_03
Five months.
1
SPEAKER_03
Five months.
1
SPEAKER_03
So I would say give it a little time to, you know, teach him about cash and then start laying out on the down low a little bit of extra allowance.
1
SPEAKER_00
Boy, this is this is daddy crude up talking.
1
SPEAKER_03
This is just saying, Hey, listen, I don t know nothing from nothing.
1
SPEAKER_03
I don t know where this 20 came from.
1
SPEAKER_03
But just a little something to say, I appreciate you.
1
SPEAKER_03
And daddy s good.
1
SPEAKER_03
He s fine.
1
SPEAKER_00
Listen, we all there s that terrible advice that Billy gave.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then okay, let me tell you how I feel.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, give it to me.
1
SPEAKER_00
as the least popular person in my house i will say yes there s moments where i go ah i wish i was the most popular but also i have been told i ve been waiting six and a half years that it ebbs and flows with uh
1
SPEAKER_04
Wait, do you mean like a cycle of cicadas every 17 years?
1
SPEAKER_04
Is that what you re waiting for?
1
SPEAKER_00
You know, different parents become popular at different times.
1
SPEAKER_00
I am still waiting.
1
SPEAKER_03
The teens, that s your time to shine.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yes, or on my deathbed, we will see.
1
SPEAKER_00
But also, it is a joy to see my sons absolutely love their mommy so much.
1
SPEAKER_00
So I would say keep in mind Billy s terrible advice, you know, throw some cash.
1
SPEAKER_03
No, that s a wonderful point.
1
SPEAKER_03
Actually, I m all behind you.
1
SPEAKER_03
No, I retract my advice about the cash offer.
1
SPEAKER_03
I think celebrating the children s love for the parent is the exact right thing.
1
SPEAKER_03
That buys you some joy, too.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
It tamps down the jealousy a bit.
1
SPEAKER_03
And then you re biding your time for the moment when it takes time to shine.
1
SPEAKER_00
Come on, one day.
1
SPEAKER_03
And then you ve got some advice for Stephanie at that point, which is be happy that our children are happier with me.
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, and then I m sure she would like some days that they re not following her around the house all day, every day, you know, so it ll all even out.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m sure.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m sure.
1
SPEAKER_03
It is tough to be the popular kid.
1
SPEAKER_03
That s another great point.
1
SPEAKER_03
It s tough to be the popular.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s how I m living life, you know?
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
Now you get to kind of lurk around the shadows.
1
SPEAKER_03
That s not the exact right phrase that I was looking for, but you get my point.
1
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t want to be remembered as the parent that s lurking around the shadows, but thank you, Billy.
1
SPEAKER_02
What was mom like?
1
SPEAKER_02
She was always lurking in the shadows.
1
SPEAKER_00
Sarah, Billy and I prefer you to your husband, wouldn t you say?
1
SPEAKER_03
100%.
1
SPEAKER_03
What s his name?
1
SPEAKER_03
Who cares?
1
SPEAKER_00
Does she say who cares is my feeling?
1
SPEAKER_03
Greg?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, big guy didn t even need a name.
1
SPEAKER_00
All right, hope that advice helps.
1
SPEAKER_00
Billy, there s one last thing we need to do before I let you go.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay, I chose especially for you.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, advice of yesteryear.
1
SPEAKER_04
Terrific.
1
SPEAKER_01
When Jerry brags about taking Jenny out,
1
SPEAKER_01
He learns that she dates all the boys.
1
SPEAKER_01
So as we see now, menstruation is just one routine step in a normal and natural cycle.
1
SPEAKER_01
How do you choose a date?
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, one thing you can consider is look.
1
SPEAKER_01
I did everything you said, but my boss still hasn t asked me to lunch.
1
SPEAKER_00
This is where we take a real question from an advice column of yesteryear and try to answer it a little better.
1
SPEAKER_03
Like a Dear Abby or something like that?
1
SPEAKER_00
That s right.
1
SPEAKER_00
You seem excited.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, I love these.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, people enjoy this segment.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay, this question was sent to Dorothy Dix back in January 1934.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God.
1
SPEAKER_00
I know, talk about deathbeds.
1
SPEAKER_00
Dear Miss Dix, why is it that my husband is so quiet and never has a word to say at home, but if we go anywhere or anyone comes into our house, he seems to do all the talking and joking, and as soon as we re alone, he relapses into silence.
1
SPEAKER_00
He is the same way about children.
1
SPEAKER_00
Our boy mustn t make any noise and his father is always finding fault with him.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yet he plays and jokes with other children.
1
SPEAKER_00
Signed, B.F.
1
SPEAKER_00
Billy, before I tell you what Dorothy Dick said about this, what s your feeling?
1
SPEAKER_00
What do you have to say?
1
SPEAKER_03
Well, before you got to the point about him chastising his children, and I was going to say that perhaps he feels safest at home.
1
SPEAKER_03
You have been a part of providing such a calm foundation that he feels comfortable enough
1
SPEAKER_03
to recede from the energy it takes to entertain other people.
1
SPEAKER_03
But when you brought up the chastising thing, it made me feel like that guy was a dick.
1
SPEAKER_03
And I would say perhaps it s time for you to reevaluate the nature of your relationship and talk openly about the state of your living there that makes his behavior difficult to tolerate.
1
SPEAKER_00
Very, very well spoken, Billy.
1
SPEAKER_00
Thank you.
1
SPEAKER_00
I d like to share with you what Dorothy Dix said in January of 1934.
1
SPEAKER_00
Nobody can explain this peculiarity of husbands, BF.
1
SPEAKER_00
They are just that way.
1
SPEAKER_02
That s the end of it?
1
SPEAKER_02
That s the end.
1
SPEAKER_02
That s essentially saying the institution of marriage is corrupt and problematic social contract.
1
SPEAKER_02
That s a grin and bear it.
1
SPEAKER_02
That s the old shut up.
1
SPEAKER_02
Don t worry about it.
1
SPEAKER_02
Everybody s grumpy.
1
SPEAKER_02
I m going to hold on to that one.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s too good.
1
SPEAKER_00
It reminds me of this advice column years ago when Stephanie and I first got together, and it was so sad slash funny like this.
1
SPEAKER_00
Of course, there s nothing funny about this poor little boy who is now an adult or maybe also dead.
1
SPEAKER_03
A great-grandfather.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, a great-great-grandfather.
1
SPEAKER_00
But this woman wrote in about her husband just always ignoring her and just watching TV and drinking and whatever.
1
SPEAKER_00
And when she confronted her husband about it, his response was, well, I m here, ain t I?
1
SPEAKER_00
And the advice columnists agreed.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, well, yeah, at least he s home.
1
SPEAKER_00
At least you have someone.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so now Stephanie and I, when we are just...
1
SPEAKER_00
in, like, the darkest, worst place of our lives or relationship over these past 10 years, we ll just turn and be like, well, I m here, ain t I?
1
SPEAKER_00
And it s just, like, bottom of the barrel.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, I haven t walked out the door makes us laugh.
1
SPEAKER_03
I actually think there is something foundational about that, that you re probably right.
1
SPEAKER_03
Perhaps if it s not phrased so caustically and aggressively, you might get a little more leverage out of it.
1
SPEAKER_03
But I do think presence over time is probably useful.
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, sure.
1
SPEAKER_00
But we re also saying it in a funny way of like... I was talking about them being caustic.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_03
We ll use the language.
1
SPEAKER_03
It was all in the eight.
1
SPEAKER_03
The Inc.
1
SPEAKER_03
told a whole story.
1
SPEAKER_03
There was a whole socio-political dynamic with the Inc.
1
SPEAKER_00
What are you complaining about?
1
SPEAKER_00
I m eating pizza and drinking beer and watching TV at home, ain t I?
1
SPEAKER_03
But if I had said, well, sweetheart, I m here, I perhaps am not as open and
2
SPEAKER_02
effusive all day long, but it s because I need to retreat sometimes and this is my safest place because you ve provided me with a relationship that allows for my most full humanity to blossom forth.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yes, and this man in January of 1934 was not able to express that at all.
2
SPEAKER_02
God, I wish we would have been able to talk.
2
SPEAKER_01
I know.
2
SPEAKER_01
I wish we had the podcast going back then, but... Or we were recording today.
2
SPEAKER_02
Either one would have helped people.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s true.
2
SPEAKER_01
Billy.
2
SPEAKER_02
Tig.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s the end of the podcast.
2
SPEAKER_02
For this week, what time next week?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, whenever is good for you.
2
SPEAKER_01
Because I still try and just morph you into your face looking like almost famous.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh, can I put a filter on?
2
SPEAKER_02
Truly, there s got to be a filter.
2
SPEAKER_02
A Russell Hammond filter.
2
SPEAKER_01
The dreamy guy.
2
SPEAKER_01
Actually, you know what?
2
SPEAKER_01
I even talk about in my standup that I m about to shoot a special for.
2
SPEAKER_01
What?
2
SPEAKER_01
I talk about mustaches that go like your almost famous mustache.
2
SPEAKER_02
Well, listen, we stole that from James Taylor.
2
SPEAKER_02
James Taylor had the mustache.
2
SPEAKER_02
We just we stole it.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, and you nailed it.
2
SPEAKER_01
You nailed it.
2
SPEAKER_02
Thanks.
2
SPEAKER_02
I appreciate that.
2
SPEAKER_01
It was an absolute pleasure to have you.
2
SPEAKER_01
And you were a real curveball to not only end up working with, but being like, I love that guy.
2
SPEAKER_02
The feeling s mutual.
2
SPEAKER_02
I confess having enjoyed your work on the stage, getting a chance to meet you and work with you.
2
SPEAKER_02
It was surprisingly enjoyable.
2
SPEAKER_01
I was surprised as well.
2
SPEAKER_01
Endlessly surprised.
2
SPEAKER_01
Do you have anything that you would like to mention to the listeners to promote or encourage?
2
SPEAKER_02
I think we covered it all.
2
SPEAKER_02
You said everything, didn t you?
2
SPEAKER_01
Your new Apple show.
2
SPEAKER_02
My new Apple show, Hello Tomorrow.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then your old Apple show.
2
SPEAKER_02
My old Apple show, which will be new again with Tig Notaro.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_02
And a guy named Jon Hamm.
2
SPEAKER_02
I don t know if you ve heard of him.
2
SPEAKER_01
I ve heard of him.
2
SPEAKER_02
We ve got a murderer s role coming at you in season three.
2
SPEAKER_01
Season three.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_02
That s Stephen Fry for Pete s sake.
2
SPEAKER_02
Come on.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s your phrase, huh?
2
SPEAKER_01
Pete s sake.
2
SPEAKER_02
For Pete s sake, for crying out loud.
2
SPEAKER_01
Come on.
2
SPEAKER_01
Come on.
2
SPEAKER_02
All right.
2
SPEAKER_01
Billy, I hope that I get to see your mug soon.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I ll be on L.A.
2
SPEAKER_02
when you re torn and you breeze through the Northeast.
2
SPEAKER_02
Give old Bill a shout.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m going to be taping my special right in New York.
2
SPEAKER_02
Well, we d love to come see it for a discount.
2
SPEAKER_01
All right.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, Billy, I will.
2
SPEAKER_01
I ll see you very soon.
2
SPEAKER_01
And tell anyone who cares that I said hello.
2
SPEAKER_02
I most certainly will, Tig, and write back at you, especially your wife.
2
SPEAKER_01
OK.
2
SPEAKER_01
All right.
2
SPEAKER_01
Thanks, Billy.
2
SPEAKER_02
Thanks, Tig.
2
SPEAKER_03
That s what you are
2
SPEAKER_01
Don t Ask Tig is hosted by me, Tig Notaro.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s produced by Thomas Ouellette and Shana Deloria.
2
SPEAKER_01
Our executive producer and editor is Beth Perlman.
2
SPEAKER_01
Engineering and sound mixing by Alex Simpson.
2
SPEAKER_01
Digital production by James Napoli.
2
SPEAKER_01
Talent booking by Marianne Ways.
2
SPEAKER_01
Production support from Maria Wurtele.
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Our theme music is Friend in Tig by Edie Burkell and Kyle Krushen, and Listen to Your Heart by Edie Burkell.
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Special thanks to Hunter Seidman.
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APM Studios executives in charge are Chandra Cavati, Alex Schaffert, and Joanne Griffith.
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Concept developed by Tracy Mumford.
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Our executive consultant is Dean Capello and Gobsmack Studios.
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You can always ask for advice at DontAskTig.org.
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Just write in with your problem or send us a voice memo.
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Remember to follow us on social media at DontAskTig.
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DontAskTig is a production of American Public Media.
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And as always, thanks, Dana, and I ll tell Becky.
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a six billion dollar con.
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It didn t take long for it to spread like wildfire.
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You got to take a look at this really crazy gold stock.
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A buddy of mine got in at a dime.
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Which destroyed lives and devastated communities.
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Every little town across the nation, people have shares in this.
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We lost everything.
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And to date, no one has been brought to justice.
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Somebody knows more than we know.
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The $6 billion gold scam from the BBC World Service and CBC.
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Search for the $6 billion gold scam wherever you get your podcasts.