0
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Hey guys, it s David Spade here.
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Applause, applause, standing ovation.
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It s everyone has been asking me where I go on tour, literally every single person in the world.
0
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So I m playing the Venetian in Las Vegas with Nikki Glaser coming up in April.
0
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And then we do it three more times.
0
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Check davidspade.com.
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That s not a plug.
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It sounds like one.
0
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It s not.
0
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Anyway, have fun.
0
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Here we go.
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Bye.
0
SPEAKER_05
Christ sakes.
0
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Mark Twain prize?
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That s a pithy moniker.
0
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I had 50 million in the SVB bank.
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I got 50 left.
0
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Greatest mind of his generation with a cracker jack motif, okay?
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Went away with fucking Superbowl.
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This is Liam Neeson.
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What the fuck does Adam Sandler have to do with Mark Twain?
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If you don t tell me, I will kill you, and I have.
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Dana and I are doing Adam Sandler s Mark Twain.
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We ll just tell the audience.
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We will have just done Adam s Mark Twain award.
0
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Yes, and we re coming up with tropes.
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And we have to do stuff, fly out there and do stuff for him, and we don t know what to do.
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Dana s gonna sing a song.
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You can probably do it.
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And then we re gonna introduce Jay Leno.
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This was just a refrain.
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And Jay was great.
0
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Mark Twain, man.
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That s the catchphrase.
0
SPEAKER_02
That s the catchphrase.
0
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Don t give it all away.
0
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Probably bombed at the place we re going.
0
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No, we got to fly across country.
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Don t be scared.
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Don t be scared of wealth and money.
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You just want to make everybody happy.
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She s cold as ice.
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You can do it on guitar too.
0
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Yeah.
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Paradise!
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Yeah.
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She ordered Amazon.
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You have to update it.
0
SPEAKER_06
She ordered Amazon.
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And they delivered her broccoli from HelloFresh.
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She brought it home.
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And even though it s 2040, she chopping broccoli.
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She s old school.
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People still have to take a sharpened object and chop the damn thing.
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SPEAKER_05
That s not from the 80s.
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Jay Leno is a great influence on comics.
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No, I thought it was Gover.
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It was great.
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That was great.
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We got all the chopping broccoli.
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Anyway.
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Jay came all the way in.
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He sat down right there.
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Jay Leno.
0
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Two broken ribs and a broken collarbone.
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He was not a complainer.
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He s old school.
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SPEAKER_05
He s the ultimate not complainer.
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He s a super cool dude.
0
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He came in like a trooper and he s a great storyteller.
0
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We had some great Rodney Dangerfield stuff, the time he opened for Bill Cosby at Harrah s.
0
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Yeah, that was great.
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That was very interesting.
0
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And how Cosby was perceived at The Tonight Show.
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But we all grew up on Leno, and he was one of the great comics, and he knows all the SNL guys.
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He s had them all on the show.
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And he s just so tied into everything.
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And we just wanted, and we ve seen him out and we said, come on and talk to us.
0
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And it s good to those shows that are just comedy.
0
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He s laughs.
0
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He says funny things.
0
SPEAKER_05
And the connection really to SNL is so many of us were standups that got SNL.
0
SPEAKER_05
Sandler, you, me, on and on.
0
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And Jay loves standup.
0
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So does Jerry Seinfeld.
0
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So we do talk a lot about standup for anyone listening that might want to think about doing standup.
0
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Jay is a master class in the technique and the attitude you need to become a successful stand-up.
0
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And Dana does impression of him to him.
0
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Jay was like, yeah.
0
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Well, I did the low one.
0
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You know, I was driving these crazy, the Henderson neighbor boy, you know, they said he was caught by the police.
0
SPEAKER_05
You know, why do people think this?
0
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And then he goes down there.
0
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And I told him that he had those two gears.
0
SPEAKER_05
It s not just the high gear, it s the base guy too.
0
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The base guy goes, what s going on with these Japanese cars?
0
SPEAKER_05
Yeah, they re Japanese guys.
0
SPEAKER_05
Well, it s got two cylinders on it.
0
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It tops out about 30 miles an hour.
0
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I guess I can get one of those.
0
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You hear the engines going.
0
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But he was just the guy when we were coming up as a pure stand-up, he rode a motorcycle to the club, he had weird eyes, giant hair piled up, and he was a big, big presence.
0
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Low-maintenance guy, came over here, knocked it out.
0
SPEAKER_05
Everything s fine.
0
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Face was still on fire, which I thought they would have put it out by now.
0
SPEAKER_05
It was smoldering, but he looked incredible.
0
SPEAKER_05
He looks really good.
0
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By the way, he s the only one in show business who doesn t have a rider.
0
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That s very Jay Leno.
0
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Rider, backstage.
0
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A rider means you, the people are booking you, you need a Diet Coke or you need some carrot sticks.
0
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Jay has none.
0
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That s my rider.
0
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His Diet Coke, carrot sticks.
0
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Slinky.
0
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Cheez-Its and crack cocaine.
0
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And a link to you porn.
0
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And a woman named Susie with a yoga mat.
0
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And a gift certificate to the purple nurple.
0
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That s your joke.
0
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This voice is just funny for you.
0
SPEAKER_00
It doesn t have to be Johnny Carson.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s just a funny voice.
0
SPEAKER_00
Hello.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s Jiminy Cricket.
0
SPEAKER_05
Oh, I read for Jiminy Cricket.
0
SPEAKER_00
You did?
0
SPEAKER_05
Yeah.
0
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Hey, come on.
0
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I m Jiminy Cricket.
0
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Yeah, I had it perfect for an afternoon.
0
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I recorded it.
0
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I m no fool.
0
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No siree.
0
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I m going to live to be 93.
0
SPEAKER_02
Remember he used to sing that?
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
0
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He had a couple tunes.
0
SPEAKER_05
I love Jimmy Cricket.
0
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All right, here s Jay Leno, you guys.
0
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Here s Jay Leno, one of the all-times.
0
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Gentlemen, gentlemen, young people, young people.
0
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Welcome to the hot seat.
0
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Men of business, men of commerce.
0
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Great to see you.
0
SPEAKER_05
Good to see you guys.
0
SPEAKER_07
Now we re gonna see how hard it is.
0
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You guys are good on the after show.
0
SPEAKER_07
Oh you saw that?
0
SPEAKER_07
Yeah, I thought it was good.
0
SPEAKER_07
Where s this gonna go?
0
SPEAKER_05
It was a nightmare.
0
SPEAKER_07
I mean it was awkward.
0
SPEAKER_07
It didn t look awkward.
0
SPEAKER_07
I mean, I mean it was...
0
SPEAKER_07
You were the two white comics.
0
SPEAKER_07
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_07
What do you mean?
0
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And you address that in a funny way.
0
SPEAKER_07
Right.
0
SPEAKER_07
And you let them do the talking.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, yeah.
0
SPEAKER_07
No, I thought, I mean, it wasn t a matter of, you know, overpowering it.
0
SPEAKER_07
No.
0
SPEAKER_07
You know, a lot of times when they put five comedians in a room with two, one is funny, five will be hilarious.
0
SPEAKER_07
No, it doesn t work, but that was funny.
0
SPEAKER_07
Everybody had something interesting to say.
0
SPEAKER_07
Oh, yeah.
0
SPEAKER_02
Right, thank you.
0
SPEAKER_02
We had, you know, that was Rock s idea.
0
SPEAKER_02
He said it would be sort of fun to have this,
0
SPEAKER_02
You know, because they want to make the first live event a bigger event.
0
SPEAKER_02
They said, well, you know, it could be like a fight, you know, people talking before, people talking after.
0
SPEAKER_02
I couldn t really picture that, but they explained it more.
0
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And I go, yeah, we could just discuss it.
0
SPEAKER_02
You know, like what jokes worked, what did not.
0
SPEAKER_02
I thought he was great.
0
SPEAKER_02
And he was great.
0
SPEAKER_02
And I was stunned at the reviews.
0
SPEAKER_02
They gave him some shit, yeah.
0
SPEAKER_07
Like, you know, old man rock yelling, get off my lawn.
0
SPEAKER_07
And people have no idea how long it takes to put an act together.
0
SPEAKER_05
Yeah, I know.
0
SPEAKER_05
It s so difficult when he landed.
0
SPEAKER_05
I mean, they just think, oh, yeah, they re old-fashioned jokes, but they re great jokes.
0
SPEAKER_05
I m just tired of Netflix specials.
0
SPEAKER_07
Hey, Baltimore, woo, yeah, Baltimore!
0
SPEAKER_07
Denver, Denver, and they re watching the clock.
0
SPEAKER_07
They know, okay, I got 58 more minutes I gotta fill.
0
SPEAKER_07
He had jokes every step of the way.
0
SPEAKER_02
Oh, yeah, he worked his ass off.
0
SPEAKER_07
That s what I liked about it.
0
SPEAKER_02
I liked that he went, where no man... One of my jokes is, I like that Chris went, where no...
0
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comedian is brave enough to go Baltimore.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, that was funny, because when we did the after show, they wanted a nice mix.
0
SPEAKER_02
And what you just said, I wanted to jump back to, is they said, it s you and Dana.
0
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And we thought there would be no prep.
0
SPEAKER_02
We just said, oh, we ll just talk about after and our initial reactions.
0
SPEAKER_02
And they said, oh, and we ll have other comics join you.
0
SPEAKER_02
And I said, okay.
0
SPEAKER_02
I think our first thing was, don t get it too crazy.
0
SPEAKER_02
It s not like the Superbowl halftime show.
0
SPEAKER_02
They said we could have like six other comics.
0
SPEAKER_02
I go, no, no, no, no.
0
SPEAKER_02
That s, because no one s going to get to talk.
0
SPEAKER_02
And they want a nice mix.
0
SPEAKER_02
And, you know, Kareem has talked about Rock s situation before.
0
SPEAKER_02
Very interesting guy.
0
SPEAKER_02
You don t see a lot.
0
SPEAKER_02
I said, oh, that s great.
0
SPEAKER_02
He wants to come.
0
SPEAKER_02
And J.B.
0
SPEAKER_02
Smoove, we got to get him out of his shell.
0
SPEAKER_02
And then if we can just prod him to chat.
0
SPEAKER_05
No, we needed him because it was like, we re watching Chris and he s just really hammering that last 15 minutes.
0
SPEAKER_03
Don t ever fight in front of white people, mic drop.
0
SPEAKER_05
energy and I just saw, you know, then it s like, hi everybody, you know, it s just funny really.
0
SPEAKER_05
I thought JB Smoove came and they brought the energy in.
0
SPEAKER_07
No, I thought it was very good.
0
SPEAKER_07
It was a nice transition.
0
SPEAKER_07
I think, what is this going to be?
0
SPEAKER_07
But no, it wasn t.
0
SPEAKER_07
It wasn t.
0
SPEAKER_07
What do you think?
0
SPEAKER_07
I don t know.
0
SPEAKER_05
Everybody had something to say.
0
SPEAKER_05
Would you mind if I tweet your review?
0
SPEAKER_05
Yeah, you can tweet it.
0
SPEAKER_05
No, I like, I think comics realize... Are we recording now?
0
SPEAKER_05
We re always recording.
0
SPEAKER_05
This is like when you would come back before the Tonight Show and we d kind of do, with all your guests, now that s part of the show.
0
SPEAKER_02
So this is us backstage.
0
SPEAKER_02
You can take out anything you want.
0
SPEAKER_02
No, I m fine.
0
SPEAKER_04
Shane, are you cool if this mic s a little bit closer to you?
0
SPEAKER_05
No, that s fine.
0
SPEAKER_02
There we go.
0
SPEAKER_05
He knows his way around a microphone, okay?
0
SPEAKER_02
By the way, I did like when you would come back at the Tonight Show and say hi because
1
SPEAKER_00
Some people don t, and I understand both ways, but I thought it was fun that you did.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I always liked it, because I mean, that s how you get them to come back, you know?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, they have a nice experience.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, people go, oh, okay, you re not going to bring them a cocaine bust.
1
SPEAKER_01
No, I got to ask you about it.
1
SPEAKER_01
I ll just ask you, and you answer, and you go, okay.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, say whatever answer you want.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got to ask you.
1
SPEAKER_02
So Jay, you look great.
1
SPEAKER_01
I mean, if no one- Oh, thank you, thank you.
1
SPEAKER_02
But I m just saying,
1
SPEAKER_02
Blink if someone told me you didn t your face didn t catch on fire.
1
SPEAKER_01
I don t see anything It s all new face.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, that s good.
1
SPEAKER_01
You mean like in eight days.
1
SPEAKER_01
I missed I missed two shows I knew
1
SPEAKER_02
When your eyes open from whatever they did to you, you d be like, eh, can I go to Cleveland?
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, now I got a broken collarbone, I got two busted ribs, and I got two cracked kneecaps because I got clotheslined on my motorcycle.
1
SPEAKER_01
We heard about that.
1
SPEAKER_02
That is the scariest situation.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, that was really scary.
1
SPEAKER_01
Was it at night or just you went around a corner and there was a wire?
1
SPEAKER_01
No, I was riding, okay, you re a 72-year-old guy on an 83-year-old motorcycle.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay, what could go wrong?
1
SPEAKER_01
So I m going along, uh-oh, it s dripping gas, I don t want to catch fire again.
1
SPEAKER_01
155, I catch fire again.
1
SPEAKER_01
Let me turn around, I turn around in a parking lot and the guy had a wire across the parking lot with no flag, you know?
1
SPEAKER_01
And the sun was right here and I went, and boom, it just hit me.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh my God, it hit you right in your chest, neck area.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then you went.
1
SPEAKER_01
It cut my face again, so I called my face guy, I go, listen, you gave me that new face, I gotta get it fixed.
1
SPEAKER_01
What d you do?
1
SPEAKER_01
I told him, I said, I drove up there and he fixed it again.
1
SPEAKER_01
This is a brand new ear.
1
SPEAKER_01
That guy s good, dude.
1
SPEAKER_01
What do you mean a brand new ear?
1
SPEAKER_01
When you get burned in a fire,
1
SPEAKER_01
Ears are like paper, there s nothing, it just goes up.
1
SPEAKER_01
So that just, boom.
1
SPEAKER_01
And they- Grafted it from someplace else?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, I got a buddy of mine who s a Moyle, he gave me a bag of grafts and they worked out great.
1
SPEAKER_01
So you can t even- You look good.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m telling you, Dana just said it and I was like, oh wait, you did do that thing.
1
SPEAKER_00
And you fucking have all your hair, which is infuriating.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, that s what I was thinking about today.
1
SPEAKER_00
Your hair looks cool.
1
SPEAKER_02
I was thinking about young Jay coming on stage.
1
SPEAKER_02
You always had the motorcycle.
1
SPEAKER_02
Always had the motorcycle boots.
1
SPEAKER_02
Incredibly thick high boots.
1
SPEAKER_02
Black hair.
1
SPEAKER_01
Thick, juicy hair.
1
SPEAKER_02
You re kind of like hulking.
1
SPEAKER_02
You re like 6 3 .
1
SPEAKER_01
Your eyes are- Well, consider I ve only been six foot.
1
SPEAKER_01
I must have grown.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, you had the motorcycle boots, 6 2 .
1
SPEAKER_01
I guess that would make it, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
And you have really Italian skin and then super pale blue eyes.
1
SPEAKER_02
Then you d come up and people, when they do impressions of you, they ll sort of go to this brand of stuff.
1
SPEAKER_02
But most of the time, you were this guy.
1
SPEAKER_02
Man, you know what s really bothering me today?
1
SPEAKER_02
And it was very potent.
1
SPEAKER_02
And you only did that to break up that,
1
SPEAKER_02
tenor to kind of talk to the crowd.
1
SPEAKER_02
Right, right.
1
SPEAKER_01
I don t understand.
1
SPEAKER_02
And then you bring the guy in, well, they said the Hennison boys, okay.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
You know, they killed the guy.
1
SPEAKER_02
So anyway, that was my thing I was thinking today I wanted to tell you about.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, well, thank you.
1
SPEAKER_02
I appreciate that.
1
SPEAKER_02
But you, I saw you at the ice house.
1
SPEAKER_02
I don t know what year, mid 80s.
1
SPEAKER_02
I d never seen anyone kill that hard.
1
SPEAKER_02
That was the first time I d actually seen you fully dismantle the room.
1
SPEAKER_02
No, I d seen you at one in California, I think at a theater.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, you and I flew to New York for your audition.
1
SPEAKER_01
I got that on my notes.
1
SPEAKER_01
For what, SNL?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, for SNL.
1
SPEAKER_02
By that point, I pretty much had it, I think.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I was going to do it.
1
SPEAKER_02
And then we sat together.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I remember you saying, are you sure you can do this?
1
SPEAKER_02
I don t think it s a good fit.
1
SPEAKER_02
I just made that up.
1
SPEAKER_02
What did we talk about?
1
SPEAKER_02
What were you going to do, Letterman?
1
SPEAKER_02
I think so, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Were you prepared?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, that was my favorite.
1
SPEAKER_01
You know, Letterman was the first show where I could be myself.
1
SPEAKER_01
Cause yeah, I grew up in New England and I would always call, thank you, Mr. Carson.
1
SPEAKER_01
Call me Johnny.
1
SPEAKER_01
I didn t grow up, you know, like come to California.
1
SPEAKER_01
Jay, these are my parents, Bob and Agnes.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, how are you, Mr. Manicelli?
1
SPEAKER_01
I can t call you Bob and Agnes.
1
SPEAKER_01
You re my friend s friend, you know what I mean?
1
SPEAKER_01
And then with Letterman, I could go, Dave, nice tie.
1
SPEAKER_01
Or just, you know, just trash the set.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, cause you knew him for years.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Which you couldn t do with Johnny.
1
SPEAKER_01
So that s why it was a great breakthrough.
1
SPEAKER_02
Well, that s why I would sometimes, I don t really know why, wear a T-shirt or this jacket, and you d be in a tie, but then when you retired, whatever, every host was younger than me, we had a tie on, so then I started wearing a tie.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, yeah, that s funny.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m too young to come out with a, you know, but yeah, that was- I saw Jay when he was on, when I was just a little, I was in a stand-up, and I was watching Johnny Carson, and, you know, there was Seinfeld, there was you,
1
SPEAKER_00
I think everyone at that age just loves comedy.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so I wasn t thinking of being a comedian, but do you remember anything?
1
SPEAKER_00
I m going to mangle this.
1
SPEAKER_00
It was after the Exxon Valdez oil spill.
1
SPEAKER_00
And you said, and you know, they were trying to save electricity in America.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I think you said, you know, they spilled 6 million gallons of oil and then they want us to save 3 cents a year by going to the bathroom in the dark.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I started laughing so hard.
1
SPEAKER_00
It was something like that.
1
SPEAKER_00
I do kind of remember that.
1
SPEAKER_00
And that s when I was like, I mean, you have a million sets you ve done, but I thought, God damn it.
1
SPEAKER_00
And you ve always had such economical, smart jokes that are just, and you re just about the mechanics and putting them together.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, it is the economy of words comedy, isn t it?
1
SPEAKER_01
Of course.
1
SPEAKER_01
The shorter it takes to get there.
1
SPEAKER_01
One word too much and it s done.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s what I liked about Chris  special.
1
SPEAKER_01
It just joke, joke, joke.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, it was solid.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m just tired of these specials where,
1
SPEAKER_01
People have done two already, they ve committed to a third or a fourth, and they just go, what s up?
1
SPEAKER_01
How y all doing?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, woo!
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, what else is up?
1
SPEAKER_02
You and Jerry are lockstep on that, because when I did the coffee show with him in cars, he goes, you re here because you re special, because you came out and just went right into the jokes.
1
SPEAKER_01
So you and he have such a- Well, I remember a comic I had on The Tonight Show, I won t say who it is, but- Bobcat?
1
SPEAKER_01
No.
1
SPEAKER_01
He had just done a special for one of them.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I said, where are you going?
1
SPEAKER_01
He goes, I m going on the road, you know, for a special.
1
SPEAKER_01
I said, why, you got a new hour already?
1
SPEAKER_01
He goes, no, no, no, I do what I do in the special.
1
SPEAKER_01
I go, okay, you know, this is not, it s not the Eagles play Hotel California again.
1
SPEAKER_01
I mean, if they just saw you, they will watch you the night before they go see you, and the next day, if you repeat even one word, he goes, no, I don t think so.
1
SPEAKER_01
Next time he s on the show, he s like, oh, man.
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, I just learned this day and I just did a special.
1
SPEAKER_00
I haven t done very many.
1
SPEAKER_00
I did an HBO special back in during Just Shoot Me and SNL days.
1
SPEAKER_00
Didn t know how rare it was because HBO didn t do that many.
1
SPEAKER_00
And there wasn t a Netflix one every week.
1
SPEAKER_00
And that, it took me a while to rotate that material out.
1
SPEAKER_00
I was doing other stuff.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s hard to, it wasn t my number one job at that point.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then getting back into it, it took me a while to say, okay, if I do a special,
1
SPEAKER_00
By the time it gets out, you better be ready, and that s very hard, because it came out in two months.
1
SPEAKER_00
So I ve rotated stuff, and I m probably about 80% new, but that 20%, some love to hear it, and some have a problem with it.
1
SPEAKER_01
Right, yeah, because they watch it again, you know.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s why I ve never done one of those.
1
SPEAKER_01
I did one back in the 80s, I owned it, I put it on, and then I burned it.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I said, that s it.
1
SPEAKER_02
Well, isn t comedy surprise part of it?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Surprise.
1
SPEAKER_01
So if you ve seen this.
1
SPEAKER_01
The master s gone, nobody can run it again.
1
SPEAKER_02
What about the McDonald s trainee bitch?
1
SPEAKER_02
Cause that was the one.
1
SPEAKER_02
What was that one?
1
SPEAKER_02
I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_02
You were doing a McDonald s riff.
1
SPEAKER_02
This is you at the ice house, levitating the room, which I call complete destruction.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
Some of the guys, the trainee and like, he doesn t know how to make a milkshake or something, but it was just.
1
SPEAKER_02
It s just with such- I know that s not it.
1
SPEAKER_02
But you didn t just do jokes.
1
SPEAKER_02
You would bring jokes together and you did act outs too.
1
SPEAKER_02
You know what I mean?
1
SPEAKER_02
You did bad character talking and so you had a lot of different tools, but you re always great at jokes.
1
SPEAKER_00
Also, someone like Jay doesn t need a special because I m on your side on that one for you because
1
SPEAKER_00
You always sell out, you always do well.
1
SPEAKER_00
And that s sort of the point of a special is to get people out and they know you.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I had the advantage of The Tonight Show, you re doing a monologue every night and you never repeat that material because it just, you know.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s too bad.
1
SPEAKER_01
Hey, how about Reagan s trip to Pittsburgh?
1
SPEAKER_01
You can t be on the road, you know.
1
SPEAKER_01
Dick Cheney, what s that all about?
1
SPEAKER_00
You stumble into some good jokes in monologues and that s a bummer because you re like, oh, this would do great.
1
SPEAKER_01
I know, I know, sometimes you got some good ones.
1
SPEAKER_02
Go ahead, I m sorry.
1
SPEAKER_02
Where were we?
1
SPEAKER_02
Go ahead.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, just, do you ever get people yelling out for old bits?
1
SPEAKER_02
Like, because they were kind of hit so hard?
1
SPEAKER_02
Maybe once, but not so much anymore, no, no.
1
SPEAKER_02
So you have essentially the same, your core act is still the same and you just add little things to it?
1
SPEAKER_02
Basically, you add, subtract.
1
SPEAKER_01
I mean, because people, they go, boy, I saw you last year, you got all new material.
1
SPEAKER_01
No, I don t.
1
SPEAKER_01
You just have a bad memory.
1
SPEAKER_01
If they watch it three times on, like, I remember getting the Bob and Ray album, remember?
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh yeah, Bob and Ray.
1
SPEAKER_01
With the Komodo dragon.
1
SPEAKER_01
Must have played that a hundred times.
1
SPEAKER_01
It just made me laugh every time.
1
SPEAKER_01
Then I saw him in person, oh, it s the same.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s the same thing.
1
SPEAKER_00
Sometimes when I go to the comedy store and I m with people and I see Sebastian, I see someone, I say, oh, I hope he does these ones that I heard once.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I think they ll think they re funny.
1
SPEAKER_00
So that s sort of, I feel a little bit of that.
1
SPEAKER_00
And it s odd that it s different than the bands because you ve heard those songs, but you love to hear them.
1
SPEAKER_00
So it s a different genre.
1
SPEAKER_00
I understand.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think you did one.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
Did you say, here s an old joke?
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t know why I m just bringing up old jokes, but when he says,
2
SPEAKER_03
you say you go stay at your parents  house at Thanksgiving and you see Matlock, you watch Matlock with him, and then you come back a year later and see the only rerun of the only Matlock you ve ever seen in your life is playing the next time you go.
2
SPEAKER_03
Wasn t Matlock for a long time just a funny word?
2
SPEAKER_02
That was a great word.
2
SPEAKER_03
And a funny reference, watching Matlock?
2
SPEAKER_03
I m so mad it s gone.
2
SPEAKER_03
Mannix was good, Matlock.
2
SPEAKER_03
Instant laughs.
2
SPEAKER_01
Comedy words.
2
SPEAKER_01
What was I gonna say about that?
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, Matlock.
2
SPEAKER_01
You know, Mannix, that guy, Mike Connors, he was a great guy.
2
SPEAKER_01
You know, he came to the show a couple of times.
2
SPEAKER_01
I remember he was the first show, remember his secretary Peggy was African American?
2
SPEAKER_01
And CBS came to him and said, you gotta get rid of the African American girl.
2
SPEAKER_01
Southern affiliates are not happy, they don t want a black person on TV.
2
SPEAKER_01
And he refused.
2
SPEAKER_01
He said, well, I went through the show.
2
SPEAKER_01
I always thought that was, and this was in the mid 60s when, well, of course you fire her, what are you talking about?
2
SPEAKER_01
And he didn t.
2
SPEAKER_01
So he was quite a guy.
2
SPEAKER_01
He was a great guy.
2
SPEAKER_01
He used to have a Tornado with the roof cut off, it was painted gold.
2
SPEAKER_01
It looked like one of those superhero cars.
2
SPEAKER_01
And when he d follow somebody, he d get below the seat.
2
SPEAKER_01
Here s this gold projectile behind you.
2
SPEAKER_01
He s trying to be incognito.
2
SPEAKER_03
What about Cannon?
2
SPEAKER_03
Oh, this is going way too back.
2
SPEAKER_03
Cannon, yeah, I remember Cannon.
2
SPEAKER_03
Cannon was the funniest.
2
SPEAKER_03
He was sort of an overweight.
2
SPEAKER_01
Sort of overweight?
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, the thing with Cannon was the criminal would run down the alley and he d always run on the driver s side so Cannon could open the door.
2
SPEAKER_01
Every week they did that, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
All the 70s.
2
SPEAKER_02
Did you ever have like movie stars come on from your youth when you re hosting a Tonight Show that was sort of special in a way?
2
SPEAKER_02
I got to do a sketch with Robert Mitchum once.
2
SPEAKER_02
It was kind of a surreal trip, you know?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I remember I had, what s his name?
2
SPEAKER_01
Charlton Heston.
2
SPEAKER_01
No, no, he played, he did the Bond, not... Roger Moore.
2
SPEAKER_01
Roger Moore, you know.
2
SPEAKER_01
So he comes, oh, hello, Charlie.
2
SPEAKER_01
So I understand you like to travel.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yes, yes, I travel.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, where do you go on vacation?
2
SPEAKER_01
India.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, India, well, that s quite a trip.
2
SPEAKER_01
No, not really.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, how do you get there?
2
SPEAKER_01
We drive.
2
SPEAKER_01
You drive to India?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yes, yes, it s a very pleasant, nice trip.
2
SPEAKER_01
From where?
2
SPEAKER_01
And now he s getting annoyed.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, from my home, of course.
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, I m thinking, how do you, I look at Debbie, she s going, I don t know, I don t know.
2
SPEAKER_01
What s going on?
2
SPEAKER_01
And I said, well, how do you drive to India?
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, it s about two hours, I suppose.
2
SPEAKER_01
Two hours to India.
2
SPEAKER_01
I suppose.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then I realized he was saying Indio, California.
2
SPEAKER_01
The whole time?
2
SPEAKER_01
The whole time, but he pronounced it India.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s a beautiful country.
2
SPEAKER_01
He s going, well yeah, I don t know if it s the country.
2
SPEAKER_01
Very hot, in the sun s out.
2
SPEAKER_03
You know, he should come see me at Morongo.
2
SPEAKER_03
Let s talk about his cars.
2
SPEAKER_03
I like your cars.
2
SPEAKER_02
I don t know if Dana- Well, let s go back to the beginning.
2
SPEAKER_02
When did you realize, like, I don t know why they had this race.
2
SPEAKER_02
One of my sons, he thinks he s as into cars as you are.
2
SPEAKER_02
People call them car nuts.
2
SPEAKER_02
I don t know why, but when did you realize cars?
2
SPEAKER_02
Because my son, when he was two and had little cars, it was over.
2
SPEAKER_02
Can you remember the first time you became fascinated?
2
SPEAKER_02
Was it a model of a car?
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, anything that rolls, explodes, and makes noise was-
2
SPEAKER_01
It s different now because you know, when I was a kid, it was your only escape.
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, now, you know, kids are in the room, you call your girlfriend, hey, send me a naked picture.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay, great.
2
SPEAKER_01
You know, in my day, you first had to get to the girl s house.
2
SPEAKER_01
Make sure her parents weren t home.
2
SPEAKER_01
Right, sneak in the window.
2
SPEAKER_01
Somehow convince her to take her clothes off.
2
SPEAKER_01
Get the Polaroid.
2
SPEAKER_01
Take the picture, and then go to a drugstore three towns away where the druggist didn t know your parents to get the pictures developed.
2
SPEAKER_01
It sounds like a sense memory here.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, and then we got the pictures back.
2
SPEAKER_01
They d be black.
2
SPEAKER_01
parts over all the good stuff.
2
SPEAKER_01
So yeah, that s what it used to be when I was a kid.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh yeah, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_03
You mix in a few skateboarding ones, it s going to throw them off.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, that s right.
2
SPEAKER_02
Did you have toy cars before you got real ones?
2
SPEAKER_02
I suppose I did.
2
SPEAKER_02
SSP?
2
SPEAKER_03
I had that SSP we sent somewhere.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, I had those.
2
SPEAKER_03
I had a go-kart.
2
SPEAKER_01
But I grew up in a rural area.
2
SPEAKER_01
When I was 12, there was a car left by the side of the road, and we took it back and got it running, and I would drive it around my backyard.
2
SPEAKER_01
My mom would stand at the kitchen window and watch us driving around our- And how old were you?
2
12.
2
SPEAKER_01
12, you know.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Now, of course, child services would come, and your parents would be arrested.
2
SPEAKER_01
Arrest your parents.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, my mom would have been in jail.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_03
Because every, just because she let us,
2
SPEAKER_03
walk to 7-Eleven.
2
SPEAKER_03
And it s funny, you were saying something about Manix.
2
SPEAKER_03
When I moved to LA, it was, I m jumping around, but it was very odd to see a superstar from a movie,
2
SPEAKER_03
out of the show.
2
SPEAKER_03
I saw them on 7-Eleven or something, or you see like a guy from Chips and you re like, wait, are you a real person?
2
SPEAKER_03
Even though I m older, I should know this.
2
SPEAKER_03
I don t really get what they re doing in real life.
2
SPEAKER_03
And I don t like it really.
2
SPEAKER_02
You couldn t stop looking.
2
SPEAKER_02
I saw Michael Landon when I was 10 in a restaurant.
2
SPEAKER_01
It was like surreal.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, I was at Boston airport and I saw Art Garfunkel.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I saw him, and I hid behind a pole.
2
SPEAKER_02
I don t know why.
2
SPEAKER_01
I d stick my head out, look, and if he saw me, I d duck back and go, why am I doing this?
2
SPEAKER_02
It s hard to imagine you like that.
2
SPEAKER_01
You ve been famous for so long.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m an assassin, you know, but that s what a teenager is like.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, that s a famous.
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, when I first came to town,
2
SPEAKER_01
I landed in LA and I took a cab until the money ran out.
2
SPEAKER_01
He dropped me off at Sunset and Western.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I was trying to get to the comedy zone.
2
SPEAKER_01
I walked all the way back.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, that s a hike.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I was going through, not quite lost, near where the- Hollywood sign?
2
SPEAKER_01
No, you know that Scientology place that s up there?
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
What do they call that area?
2
SPEAKER_01
The Celebrity Theater, that s Beachwood Canyon.
2
SPEAKER_02
Beachwood Canyon.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I saw the guy from McHale s Navy.
2
SPEAKER_01
Bernie Borgnine.
2
SPEAKER_01
No, not Bernie.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, Tim Conway.
2
SPEAKER_01
No, no, the other one that used to do the bad magic act.
2
SPEAKER_01
What was his name?
2
SPEAKER_01
Do you know who I mean?
2
SPEAKER_01
Larry Storch?
2
SPEAKER_01
No, no, not Larry Storch.
2
SPEAKER_01
But he was having a garage sale.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I went, that s the guy from McHale s Navy.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I go, wow, how am I gonna make it?
2
SPEAKER_01
He s on TV.
2
SPEAKER_00
How am I gonna make it?
2
SPEAKER_01
And he s selling his crap at a garage sale.
2
SPEAKER_02
How old were you when you came to LA?
2
SPEAKER_02
21, I guess.
2
SPEAKER_01
And you d already graduated college?
2
SPEAKER_01
No, I came while I was still in college.
2
SPEAKER_02
And you studied speech, right?
2
SPEAKER_02
Do you think that helped you get better?
2
SPEAKER_02
No, I only took speech because- But you had to get up in front of the class and give speeches.
2
SPEAKER_01
No, I took it because the syllabus, as I said, at the end of the semester, each student required to give a 20 minute talk.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s why I can do that.
2
SPEAKER_00
But other guys, oh, 20 minutes, oh man, I m not taking that.
2
SPEAKER_00
I said, we just got to talk for 20 minutes, how hard is that?
2
SPEAKER_01
So that s what I did.
2
SPEAKER_01
I had no interest in speech.
2
SPEAKER_02
And did you get laughs?
2
SPEAKER_02
You probably got laughs.
2
SPEAKER_01
Got a few laughs.
2
SPEAKER_01
You know what I did?
2
SPEAKER_01
I remember memorizing a George Carlin routine, and then I never said his material on stage, but I said it in my mind.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then when I got on stage, I put my own stories in.
2
SPEAKER_01
And when I was in school, you know, I remember going, okay, Carlin did the class clown.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then I went, I kind of timed it, you know, I was off state.
2
SPEAKER_01
So anyway, when I was in school, and then I just put my own stories in.
2
SPEAKER_01
And that kind of worked a little bit.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_02
Did you get messages earlier than that?
2
SPEAKER_02
Like when you re in fourth grade, fifth grade, that you re a class clown, funny, that maybe I should do this?
2
SPEAKER_01
There were two jokes.
2
SPEAKER_01
I remember my first joke,
2
SPEAKER_01
was in the fourth grade, Mrs. Allen.
2
SPEAKER_01
Mrs. Toit.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh yeah, she was talking about Robin Hood and how cruel the sheriff of Nottingham was.
2
SPEAKER_01
And when he captured Robin Hood, he d boil him in oil.
2
SPEAKER_01
I remember putting my hand up and I said, you know why he did that to Tuck?
2
SPEAKER_01
And she said, no, why?
2
SPEAKER_01
Because he was a friar.
2
SPEAKER_03
You call them chocolate shelves too.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, so it gets kind of a laugh, you know, and she goes, all right, all right, settle up.
2
SPEAKER_01
But I could see she was like smiling while she was admonishing me.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then later after class, I m walking in the hall and I see one of the male teachers come out of the male lounge.
2
SPEAKER_01
Hey, come here.
2
SPEAKER_00
What d you say about the Robert?
2
SPEAKER_00
I said, oh, a friar, he s a friar.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, that s what it was, oh, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
I went, ooh, she repeated my joke.
2
SPEAKER_01
Wow, that is cool.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then I learned not to be a prop comic.
2
SPEAKER_01
I met my friend Joel and I. We had to do a skit, and I wrapped him in bandages, and I wheeled him in on a hand cart, like he was a mummy, and it said, like, 2000 BC on his chest.
2
SPEAKER_01
And one of the stooges there goes, what s that number on the chest?
2
SPEAKER_01
So I said, that s the license plate of the truck that hit him.
2
SPEAKER_01
You know, I got a laugh, but we had no more material.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s it.
2
SPEAKER_01
My friend is wrapped in bandages.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay, thank you.
2
SPEAKER_01
I had a box of trunks.
3
SPEAKER_00
Props cuz Robin had him so for a while and it was a pain in the ass.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, yeah Oh, yeah, I got cuz I couldn t write any jokes.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I had props I remember I used to do a bit with sunglasses and one time I went on stage.
3
SPEAKER_00
I didn t have a glass I go.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay, that s it.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m not Dependent on props.
3
SPEAKER_01
And yeah, I had a Gumby doll and I d hold it up and I ladies and gentlemen Gumby This is how bad my material was and I would pull the legs apart and go.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh
3
SPEAKER_01
Got a big laugh.
3
SPEAKER_02
I saw Carrot Top once sweating it out at the luggage, just staring, and I m like, if his stuff doesn t fucking come down, he doesn t go on tonight.
3
SPEAKER_02
I know, I know.
3
SPEAKER_00
That is the problem.
3
SPEAKER_00
I love the idea of, you fly there, you land at 745, it s six minutes to the theater,
3
SPEAKER_00
You get four minutes, you go, I gotta kill four minutes before I go on.
3
SPEAKER_01
Just the mic stand and then you walk out.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s it.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, that s it.
3
SPEAKER_00
Nothing.
3
SPEAKER_00
No rehearsal, no sound check.
3
SPEAKER_01
They can t believe it, can they?
3
SPEAKER_01
The crew s like, you need anything?
3
SPEAKER_00
Tell joke, get check.
3
SPEAKER_01
So do people understand that that is your mantra?
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, one time I did a gig in Maine and a guy had, he had taken a church and converted it into a nightclub.
3
SPEAKER_00
And he said, I didn t get your rider.
3
SPEAKER_00
I said, you know, I m not a rider guy.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t want to be one of those red M&M guys.
3
SPEAKER_00
I said, I don t need anything.
3
SPEAKER_00
You don t need anything?
3
SPEAKER_00
I m fine.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_00
I get there.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay, where s the mic?
3
SPEAKER_00
Guy goes, well, you said you didn t need anything.
3
SPEAKER_00
I need a mic.
3
SPEAKER_00
You said you didn t need anything.
3
SPEAKER_00
I said, well, you don t have a house sound system?
3
SPEAKER_00
He goes, no, we bring it in for each act.
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, so I m going, how y all doing?
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I just had to shout, just shout.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I go, okay, from now I want adequate sound system.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s my rider.
3
SPEAKER_00
Adequate, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Mr. Microphone.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_02
If you saw my rider, you d beat me up in the park.
3
SPEAKER_02
Do you have a- No, yeah, it s pretty bad.
3
SPEAKER_01
But it s the agents and stuff that make the rider.
3
SPEAKER_01
So in case they show up every two years, they have roast beef sandwiches.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
3
SPEAKER_00
But you always pay, I always love acts that have no idea they re paying for that vegetable plate.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
You know, they decided me to eat it.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
You paid for it.
3
SPEAKER_00
What are you talking about?
3
SPEAKER_00
That was $48.
3
SPEAKER_00
What are you talking about?
3
SPEAKER_00
It s just a couple of pieces of salami.
3
SPEAKER_00
No, no, that s $48.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_02
They always come in sad.
3
SPEAKER_02
They go, this weekend, they re like, Mr. Spade, sorry, the tortilla chips weren t blue.
3
SPEAKER_02
I go, well, I mean, I ll eat them, but I m not happy.
3
SPEAKER_01
I ve had college kids rush up.
3
SPEAKER_01
We only have three towels.
3
SPEAKER_02
Oh yeah, towels are another thing.
3
SPEAKER_01
My writer says four towels.
3
SPEAKER_01
I never said I needed a towel.
3
SPEAKER_02
How many comics are drenched in sweat?
3
SPEAKER_00
I know.
3
SPEAKER_00
We only have three towels.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s my whole thing.
3
SPEAKER_00
Try not to be a pain in the ass and I ll have you back.
3
SPEAKER_02
By the way, that comedy magic club, I know you just still do it.
3
SPEAKER_02
And I think you still do it.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I ve been there every Sunday since 78.
3
SPEAKER_02
Such a great club.
3
SPEAKER_02
And I swear, I just do not want that club to ever go away.
3
SPEAKER_02
Cause it s so, so many memories and such a great place, great crowds, great backstage.
3
SPEAKER_02
Well, the nice thing is,
3
SPEAKER_00
an unwritten rule, say whatever you want, but you know, it s not, you know, sometimes I go in the comedy store and you have to be a gynecologist to follow that.
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, where is that on the girl?
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know where that is.
3
SPEAKER_00
What is that on the girl?
3
SPEAKER_00
Squirting and things.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yes, I know.
3
SPEAKER_00
But I mean, it s just so, and then what happens is you wind up losing,
3
SPEAKER_00
A portion of the audience has sort of been tainted.
3
SPEAKER_00
I like Counted Magic Club because it s just regular people from around the country.
3
SPEAKER_00
Sometimes they re at LAX.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, I heard about this comedy club.
3
SPEAKER_00
So they re from all around the country, but they have a normal sense of what is appropriate.
3
SPEAKER_00
You can do R. When it gets like triple X, it s like, okay, now you know.
3
SPEAKER_01
Right, because you have the comedian, then you have a magician.
3
SPEAKER_01
And then you follow the magician.
3
SPEAKER_01
Do you have any funny stories following a magician?
3
SPEAKER_01
Because I have a couple.
3
SPEAKER_01
No, no.
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, tell me.
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, it was just Great Scott, I think was his name.
3
SPEAKER_01
And he had the birds in his jacket.
3
SPEAKER_01
You see him getting ready and he s putting his pick and his jacket is stuffed.
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, one night he s bringing them out and then they fly to the cage.
3
SPEAKER_01
He went like that and it was either suffocated or not.
3
SPEAKER_01
It just laid there.
3
SPEAKER_01
The other thing is you re about to go on, he s saying good night and he puts the birds, they fly and they go in the cage and then they lower it down.
3
SPEAKER_01
He takes the thing off.
3
SPEAKER_01
Hey, they ve disappeared.
3
SPEAKER_01
They re all squished in the bottom.
3
SPEAKER_01
They re alive, but it s birds.
3
SPEAKER_01
And then you go, ladies and gentlemen, Dan O Flarfel.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I remember working with, I remember this magician was out in front of me.
3
SPEAKER_00
And his first five minutes was awful.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I said, you know, your last couple of jokes are pretty funny, why don t you put those in the front?
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, no, no, because I know nobody listens when you first get on stage, so I do my worst material up front.
3
SPEAKER_00
I go, well, that doesn t get them to listen.
3
SPEAKER_01
And the guy never went anywhere.
3
SPEAKER_01
And he never went anywhere.
3
SPEAKER_01
A lot of guys telling you things, you kind of go, and then they disappear.
3
SPEAKER_00
I know, I know, I m a comedy teacher.
3
SPEAKER_00
But I just know so many comics that rocket to the middle because the act is so filthy, you know, and they kill.
3
SPEAKER_00
Right.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then they go, why aren t I headlining?
3
SPEAKER_01
Or crowd work, they get dependent on crowd work.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
And then one night there s not a very good crowd to have fun with and NBC s there and it goes up in flames.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I mean, you re there to work, right?
3
SPEAKER_01
Joke, tell joke, get check.
3
SPEAKER_01
Right, joke.
3
SPEAKER_01
the kids listening right now.
3
SPEAKER_01
It gets into the simplest thing, because you can really trick yourself out.
3
SPEAKER_00
I ve seen a lot of self-destruction, a lot of not like... Comedians do anything to get out of writing a joke.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m doing a special where I just, I interview people about the news and talk about their problem.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, but you re a comedian, you know, they don t, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_02
The comedy special now is a wider net.
3
SPEAKER_02
It s not just tell jokes.
3
SPEAKER_02
It s obviously turned into- Authenticity.
3
SPEAKER_02
I will do this, I will do this.
3
SPEAKER_02
And if there s no jokes, the applause, you know, they re more revered by the critics because they re like, oh, this guy didn t tell one joke.
3
SPEAKER_02
This was unbelievable.
3
SPEAKER_00
I guess so.
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I don t love it.
3
SPEAKER_00
Believe me, it s not my thing.
3
SPEAKER_00
You know what I mean?
3
SPEAKER_00
It s like, I see a lot of comics and,
3
SPEAKER_00
and they re talking about their inner this or something, I go- Their inner this?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah, you know, okay.
3
SPEAKER_00
This is not going to work at the sand and gravel convention in Vegas, okay?
3
SPEAKER_02
Sand and gravel.
3
SPEAKER_00
You get out there and you re talking about, you know, I m really seeing myself.
3
SPEAKER_00
Shut up, tell a joke!
3
SPEAKER_00
That s why I always loved Rodney.
3
SPEAKER_00
You know, I knew Rodney for 40 years.
3
SPEAKER_00
I have no idea who he voted for.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if he s a Republican or Democrat.
3
SPEAKER_00
It was just jokes.
3
SPEAKER_00
Walkout crush.
3
SPEAKER_01
But it was so many jokes around the motif of the saddest life ever.
3
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I ll watch him on YouTube sometimes, just at night, and I m like, makes me laugh harder now, because just the idea of him and his delivery and the amount of great jokes.
3
SPEAKER_00
My favorite Rodney joke is just, he says, I walked past a nightclub, it s a topless and bottomless, I went in, there was nobody there.
3
SPEAKER_01
My wife showed up at the front door in a negligee.
3
SPEAKER_01
She was coming home.
3
SPEAKER_01
I mean, he had so many of those.
3
SPEAKER_00
And to memorize them all and move that quickly.
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, I ll tell you, Rodney, I had him on The Tonight Show in 2004.
3
SPEAKER_00
And he goes out, and he s in his 80s, and, hey, how are you?
3
SPEAKER_00
I m okay today, but last week, you know.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I noticed he s sweating more than normal.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I said to Debbie, I said, our producer, I said, I think Rodney s having a stroke, call the paramedics.
3
SPEAKER_00
She goes, I don t think so.
3
SPEAKER_00
I go, no.
3
SPEAKER_00
He was off enough that I wouldn t, you know, the hand wouldn t come all the way up to the tie.
3
SPEAKER_00
You would just sort of get close.
3
SPEAKER_00
We used to go, oh, I tell you.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I thought, he just seemed a little off.
3
SPEAKER_00
So then he came over in the panel, he sat down, and really sweaty.
3
SPEAKER_00
And okay, then the show ends, fine.
3
SPEAKER_00
And by that time, the paramedics show up.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I go, Ronnie, can the paramedics take a look at him?
3
SPEAKER_00
I think maybe he had a stroke.
3
SPEAKER_00
He goes, no, I m fine.
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, he did have a stroke.
3
SPEAKER_00
Whoa.
3
SPEAKER_00
And they took him out in a stretcher.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_00
Then a couple of weeks later, I get a call from Joan, and she says, Jay Rodney s in a coma, you gotta come out to the hospital.
3
SPEAKER_00
All right, so I go out to the hospital, and Rodney s lying there with his eyes open, and Joan says, listen, he can hear us, the doctor says he can hear us, but he can t respond.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I m telling him how much we love him, and yeah, how great he was to all his comics, and letting us work his club, and all this kind of stuff.
3
SPEAKER_00
So then Joan says to me, Jay, put your finger in Rodney s hand.
3
SPEAKER_00
She goes, Rodney, if you know it s Jay, try and squeeze his finger.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I feel just a hint of a squeeze, and I went, Rodney, that s not my finger.
3
SPEAKER_00
So Rodney s shoulders go like this, and Joan goes, he moved, he moved!
3
SPEAKER_00
And we all started laughing.
3
SPEAKER_00
His shoulders went up.
3
SPEAKER_00
He died right after that.
3
SPEAKER_00
But it was, I mean, just to get a laugh from Rodney, just to get a reaction from him was, yeah, it was pretty cool.
3
SPEAKER_01
He s so sweet.
3
SPEAKER_01
I met him in New York.
3
SPEAKER_01
I was nobody.
3
SPEAKER_01
I hadn t even done the Mickey Rooney show.
3
SPEAKER_01
Hey, you having fun?
3
SPEAKER_01
You having fun?
3
SPEAKER_01
You having fun?
3
SPEAKER_01
You know, you see, you get to the mid fifties, you re like, you gotta have some fun at this.
3
SPEAKER_01
You can t just be tortured the whole time.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, I remember my wife and I lived in the storeroom
3
SPEAKER_00
It danger feels.
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, all the cans of... What?
3
SPEAKER_01
You lived in the store?
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, I was there for two weeks, so that s where we stayed, because we couldn t afford a hotel.
3
SPEAKER_00
They re here.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Literally here.
3
SPEAKER_00
Living in the store.
3
SPEAKER_02
I like he s the only guy that started wearing a robe at 49 and just never went back to clothes.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_02
Everyone visits him, he s wearing a robe.
3
SPEAKER_01
I know, and it s always open, rubbing.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
Hey, he called me, he wanted to do the church lady.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, come on.
3
SPEAKER_01
I think it was Ladybug or some movie he was doing.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, Ladybug.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, come on.
3
SPEAKER_01
You give me a lot of stuff.
3
SPEAKER_01
I ll come back at you.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh, did you come on and do the church lady in the movie?
4
SPEAKER_02
No, no, on SNL to promote the movie.
4
SPEAKER_02
He was the only guy to fire comedian from his special because they weren t dirty enough.
4
SPEAKER_02
He said, you re too clean, you gotta dirty it up a little bit.
4
SPEAKER_02
The comics, I don t have any dirty stuff.
4
SPEAKER_02
All right, you re on.
4
SPEAKER_00
He had the old specials for people listening that were very big, and they d have big, they d have comics on them up and coming, right?
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Kennison, Saget.
4
SPEAKER_02
Right, yeah, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
A lot of people.
4
SPEAKER_00
And a lot of them blew up from that.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Because that was the only game in town.
4
SPEAKER_01
Kennison was a pretty remarkable actor.
4
SPEAKER_02
You know, great comic, truly an original.
4
SPEAKER_02
Hard to do.
4
SPEAKER_02
One of the meanest guys around.
4
SPEAKER_02
I mean, really pretty nasty.
4
SPEAKER_02
If you got along with him, it was okay.
4
SPEAKER_02
If you re an enemy, boy, it was, yeah, I would just hear stories and, you know, and he would come to the comedy store with Coke and a gun.
4
SPEAKER_02
And I remember being backstage, I m going, you know, I don t want to be here when the cops come.
4
SPEAKER_02
I m a comic, I don t want to get arrested, you know?
4
SPEAKER_02
So I just stopped going to the comedy store.
4
SPEAKER_02
He was a bit like that, what is that animal that the horns grow when they curve and they grow into your own head and they drive you crazy, you know?
4
SPEAKER_02
Because he was, I mean, one show he had that hilarious bit on necrophilia, but after you do that, where do you go, you know?
4
SPEAKER_02
I mean, he was generally really funny, and that primal scream he would give out.
4
SPEAKER_02
Like the Wicked Witch or something.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, but I mean, but it really came from a frightening play.
4
SPEAKER_02
Cause I mean, if you do it, it s a funny screen.
4
SPEAKER_02
This is like, oh my God, it was almost.
4
SPEAKER_02
No, and then he would follow with the cackle.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
You know why there s no God?
4
SPEAKER_01
And he would take off his beret and he s bald.
4
SPEAKER_01
And he s screaming and pointing at his head.
4
SPEAKER_01
He was a preacher, right?
4
SPEAKER_01
He was a preacher from Oklahoma or something.
4
SPEAKER_02
He was a preacher, but he was really funny, but really dark.
4
SPEAKER_02
Burned out quickly, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
I would like your opinion on, speaking of great comics, was Rickles in a way the funniest guest to have on The Tonight Show?
4
SPEAKER_01
Is he funny with you?
4
SPEAKER_01
Don Rickles.
4
SPEAKER_02
Rickles was, obviously Rickles was great, but the trouble near the end was... Well, near the end.
4
SPEAKER_02
Well, not the last couple, we had to edit it because he would come out and he d look at the man and go, and Kevin s stealing the hubcaps, you know.
4
SPEAKER_02
And the band was mostly black, you know, and they would just go.
4
SPEAKER_02
I mean, Kevin didn t go along with this at all.
4
SPEAKER_02
He was just like, yeah, so we have to kind of edit it, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_02
So there was a lot of that, you know, and a black guy and a white guy in him.
4
SPEAKER_01
In his act.
4
SPEAKER_01
I just liked his stuff that was no real joke.
4
SPEAKER_01
Ed does another show start, give him a cookie and put him in the corner.
4
SPEAKER_01
Right, right.
4
SPEAKER_01
Give him a cookie, put him in the corner.
4
SPEAKER_01
Right.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like, where s the joke?
4
SPEAKER_02
Well, to me, the funny part was, that was something I learned.
4
SPEAKER_02
You can t swear on TV, so come up with something that s funnier than a swear word.
4
SPEAKER_02
Like I remember on Letterman, I would say, Dave, you go to the, I remember doing a thing about going to the carnival, and there d be some sort of shirtless, syphilitic druid running, and Dave would go, shirtless, syphilitic druid, that s right, David.
4
SPEAKER_02
And the druids, are they in, oh yeah, they re all, they were both in, and we d go off on a tangent, and we d have a lot of funny material.
4
SPEAKER_02
But rather than just calling somebody an asshole, come up with a funnier word.
4
SPEAKER_02
I was never offended by obscenity in comics, I was just,
4
SPEAKER_02
Do you got something more creative?
4
SPEAKER_02
I mean, got something else?
4
SPEAKER_02
I mean, it s not a punchline, but a lot of people just use it as a punchline.
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, I see young comedians and they re using, because we were PG-13, they re using fuck a lot, not even as a punchline.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I said, and then they get to a joke and that is the punchline.
4
SPEAKER_01
So you ve already used up all the fucks.
4
SPEAKER_01
You can t, you gotta save them at least or to follow.
4
SPEAKER_02
Newhart came in to,
4
SPEAKER_02
see somebody at a comedy store, another up-and-coming person who became quite famous.
4
SPEAKER_02
And I m sitting there with him, you know?
4
SPEAKER_02
And the guy goes out, this guy, whoo, huge applause, comes out on stage.
4
SPEAKER_02
He goes, where are you from?
4
SPEAKER_02
Guy goes, Denver.
4
SPEAKER_02
Fuck Denver, whoo, huge laugh.
4
SPEAKER_02
And Bob Newell looks at me, straight face, I don t get it.
4
SPEAKER_02
I don t get it.
4
SPEAKER_02
Where are you from?
4
SPEAKER_02
Boston.
4
SPEAKER_02
Fuck Boston, whoo.
4
SPEAKER_01
People laugh and he goes, I don t get it.
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, it s only funny that it s so bad.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s like, that s his act.
4
SPEAKER_02
He was the funniest to me.
4
SPEAKER_02
I remember one of my favorite lines when I was a kid.
4
SPEAKER_02
He had a bit about the first astronaut to make extraterrestrial contact in space with an alien.
4
SPEAKER_02
So he does the whole thing about the astronaut landing.
4
SPEAKER_02
There s a press conference.
4
SPEAKER_02
Someone says- It s halting delivery.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_02
Someone says, how far ahead of us are these aliens?
4
SPEAKER_02
And who it goes, about six weeks.
4
SPEAKER_02
And you realize it s the perfect, because two weeks you can catch up to, six months we ll never get here.
4
SPEAKER_02
But six weeks, oh, it s never quite the time.
4
SPEAKER_02
It was just so subtle.
4
SPEAKER_02
It s just like a slider.
4
SPEAKER_02
How far ahead of us?
4
SPEAKER_02
About six weeks.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I think Ellen was really influenced by that when she had a talk to God.
4
SPEAKER_01
a bit that was brilliant and like five minutes long.
4
SPEAKER_01
And Newhart would get on the phone and do King Kong.
4
SPEAKER_01
And he s a rather large monkey, whatever.
4
SPEAKER_00
And it was just- And Ellen had sort of a stammer too.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, so it feels like it s spontaneous.
4
SPEAKER_02
I remember bringing Johnny in to see Ellen.
4
SPEAKER_02
because I had told her about him.
4
SPEAKER_02
He said, I ll come down.
4
SPEAKER_02
So he came down to the improv and watched her and liked her, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_02
Johnny came down?
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
I saw here, it says Steve Martin.
4
SPEAKER_01
Johnny s so mysterious, like this idea of Johnny out in public, because he was just.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, Johnny Carson, I read this, it said Steve Martin was the first one to introduce Johnny to Jay at one of your gigs.
4
SPEAKER_00
So I couldn t believe, A, Steve Martin s involved, and Johnny came to the clubs.
4
SPEAKER_00
I didn t even think of that.
4
SPEAKER_02
Oh, he did.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I remember Altman used to do Carson.
4
SPEAKER_02
Oh, Jeff Altman.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_02
And so Johnny came down to the comedy, so I snuck around back while Altman was on stage.
4
SPEAKER_02
He went on stage and tapped him on the shoulder and Altman turned around.
4
SPEAKER_02
I mean, he was like, am I going to get fired?
4
SPEAKER_02
Will I never get to show?
4
SPEAKER_02
I mean, he looked like frightened to death.
4
SPEAKER_02
It was hilarious.
4
SPEAKER_02
It was hilarious.
4
SPEAKER_02
Johnny liked comics.
4
SPEAKER_02
He really liked comics a lot.
4
SPEAKER_02
Didn t like Bob Hope.
4
SPEAKER_02
He would always rail on Bob Hope.
4
SPEAKER_01
Because Bob Hope never accepted that Johnny had the throne at some point.
4
SPEAKER_02
No, it wasn t that.
4
SPEAKER_02
It was the fact that Johnny hated the fact that every joke Bob Hope had was written.
4
SPEAKER_02
That he never ad-libbed anything.
4
SPEAKER_02
I ll tell you a funny Bob Hope story.
4
SPEAKER_02
I had him on the show, he was close to a hundred.
4
SPEAKER_02
And he wouldn t wear his hearing aids, he wouldn t wear glasses.
4
SPEAKER_02
He goes, I got 10 jokes, Jay.
4
SPEAKER_02
You just ask me and I ll give you the answer.
4
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_02
He said, but he couldn t hear him.
4
SPEAKER_02
He just had the punchline memorized.
4
SPEAKER_02
So we re gonna have Bob Hoffman.
4
SPEAKER_02
Hey, Bob, what do you think of so-and-so?
4
SPEAKER_02
Blah, blah, big laugh.
4
SPEAKER_02
You go, the sound s just working.
4
SPEAKER_02
Hey, Bob, how about so-and-so?
4
SPEAKER_02
Blah, blah, big laugh.
4
SPEAKER_02
I get to the third one and I went, oh man, that was funny.
4
SPEAKER_02
Blah, blah.
4
SPEAKER_02
Okay, now we... He s on the punchline to the next joke.
4
SPEAKER_02
He s on the punchline to the next joke.
4
SPEAKER_00
The next joke, so it comes off like he s seen it.
4
SPEAKER_00
Now you re one behind.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, so we had to just edit because we re one behind.
4
SPEAKER_02
I remember once...
4
SPEAKER_02
being in the hall at NBC, and I see these guys walk by with a cue card, literally the size of your backdrop, with hello written on it, because Bob Hope couldn t see.
4
SPEAKER_02
But what happened was, they would drop the cue cards right in front of Bob, and his hair would go.
4
SPEAKER_02
So every time he told the joke, you d see his hair move, because the cue card came down, and the wind would go.
4
SPEAKER_02
Because the card was like a giant fan, it was so huge.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, yeah, it s really funny.
4
SPEAKER_00
When you hosted SNL, you probably could have done any time, but it says he did an 86.
4
SPEAKER_00
Was it a fun experience or just something to do, right?
4
SPEAKER_02
I liked it.
4
SPEAKER_02
I was amazed how unsupportive other writers were.
4
SPEAKER_02
Like I remember being in rehearsal and I said to somebody, it didn t get me to laugh, so I think, oh no, the writers don t laugh at the other guy s stuff.
4
SPEAKER_02
I go, really?
4
SPEAKER_02
That just seemed, it seemed really competitive.
4
SPEAKER_02
I mean, to the point of pitting one, I mean, I learned that when I hired writers on my show, I just said, look, you re hired for a year, don t worry about 13, just write whatever you want, okay?
4
SPEAKER_02
And give it to me and I ll try to make a joke out of it, we ll figure it out.
4
SPEAKER_02
So you have five guys write essentially the same joke.
4
SPEAKER_02
And each one thought they did the punchline, you know?
4
SPEAKER_02
And when it just made more comfortable, everybody wasn t on pins and needles.
4
SPEAKER_02
I just remember being in that, it seemed like such a pressure cooker that, well, you did it, you know.
4
SPEAKER_02
I did it.
4
SPEAKER_02
Dana, 86, were you there or you came right after?
4
SPEAKER_01
I came fall of 86.
4
SPEAKER_01
You went on in February 86.
4
SPEAKER_01
So you were at the cast the year before with Randy Quaid and this and that.
4
SPEAKER_01
It was kind of a difficult year.
4
SPEAKER_01
But yeah, it s a Game of Thrones thing.
4
SPEAKER_01
If you re all around a table,
4
SPEAKER_01
In comedy and standup, you re gonna get your set, your friend gets his set, but sometimes your friend s skit goes on and they have no room for yours.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s inherently a very bizarre situation.
4
SPEAKER_01
Right, right.
5
SPEAKER_00
But the idea that I wouldn t laugh at your joke because it s, you know, it s like, I see that now.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s why I took politics out of my act.
5
SPEAKER_00
Because you do a Biden joke and they wait for the punchline.
5
SPEAKER_00
Is this pro or against, or it s against Biden?
5
SPEAKER_00
Okay, they wait to hear which way the joke is going.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s tricky.
5
SPEAKER_02
I just try to make it so silly that there s no point.
5
SPEAKER_02
Right, exactly.
5
SPEAKER_02
And he did that really well.
5
SPEAKER_02
Pirates of the Caribbean.
5
SPEAKER_03
You know, like he just.
5
SPEAKER_03
I think now they just either take attack against Trump and it s a little easier to go, because Trump was getting laughs just while he s running.
5
SPEAKER_02
Well, Trump supporters know he s funny and a little unhinged.
5
SPEAKER_02
I mean, he s just funny.
5
SPEAKER_03
You used to be able to say, you hear Trump say, and they start laughing.
5
SPEAKER_03
So once that got hooked in, some just gave up on the other side and just said, if I can just make fun of this guy, it s just always going to get laughs.
5
SPEAKER_03
they don t play it as equal as you used to do, or even Johnny, you know, it was- Well, it s so funny, we used to get- There s no venom.
5
SPEAKER_00
We used to get kudos because you made fun of both sides equal.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, that s right.
5
SPEAKER_00
Now you get attacked because, hey, pick a side, you know.
5
SPEAKER_02
Well, no, that s not my job.
5
SPEAKER_02
Here, let me do it that my Trump I do now for you, because it d be like going back in time.
5
SPEAKER_02
This would be the bit, it would be on your card.
5
SPEAKER_02
Right.
5
SPEAKER_02
So trying to ride the middle, Trump always sounds like he s pitching a family vacation.
5
SPEAKER_02
We re going to be doing a lot of things.
5
SPEAKER_02
Let me tell you, we re going to be going a lot of places.
5
SPEAKER_01
You re going to like it.
5
SPEAKER_01
You re going to love it.
5
SPEAKER_01
Many people don t want to go, but we re going to go anyway because we don t know how to go and we can do it all the time.
5
SPEAKER_02
And so that would be an example of just anyone who likes Trump or hates Trump would just knows that s what it sounds like.
5
SPEAKER_02
I mean, he never runs.
5
SPEAKER_02
It doesn t have a subject matter.
5
SPEAKER_02
It s all just he can just keep going.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I do the same thing.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like I said, there s this thing.
5
SPEAKER_00
I saw this political science professor on the news.
5
SPEAKER_00
He said he d analyzed all of Donald Trump s speeches.
5
SPEAKER_00
And he said Donald Trump talked at a fifth grade level or below.
5
SPEAKER_00
And when they told Trump this, he called the professor a doody head.
5
SPEAKER_00
And it s such a silly, stupid joke.
5
SPEAKER_00
Same thing.
5
SPEAKER_02
I think it s a little easier, my observation, conservatives maybe not are as serious.
5
SPEAKER_00
And people, my friends- Oh, conservatives are very, laugh at themselves more than Democrats.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s all very, hey, wait a minute, you know, why are you making fun of him?
5
SPEAKER_00
He s, no, I m on your side.
5
SPEAKER_00
Don t worry about it.
5
SPEAKER_02
I would do George W. Bush in Texas and they would be laughing their ass off, you know.
5
SPEAKER_02
But it s fun to try to make the liberals laugh when they can t not laugh.
5
SPEAKER_03
You know, I wanted to ask Jay about the, not to interrupt you Dana, we were talking about panel a second ago because you were saying that s a bit, I think people at home,
5
SPEAKER_03
don t know how hard it is to go on a talk show.
5
SPEAKER_03
It s called panel when you sit and talk to the host.
5
SPEAKER_03
Or how it s a little bit constructed and they think everyone just walks out and just starts talking.
5
SPEAKER_03
And it s supposed to look like that.
5
SPEAKER_03
And that s, I think everyone is still bluffed that it is like that.
5
SPEAKER_00
You should have my uncle on.
5
SPEAKER_00
He s really funny.
5
SPEAKER_00
What does he do?
5
SPEAKER_00
He s really, just have him on.
5
SPEAKER_00
No, I m not gonna put your uncle on.
5
SPEAKER_00
What does he do?
5
SPEAKER_00
It s really good.
5
SPEAKER_03
And they never tell you what it is.
5
SPEAKER_03
Because don t you run into problems with,
5
SPEAKER_03
probably bigger stars that just say, hey, I m thinking of a few names I won t say, but they don t do a pre-interview, but they re going to be great.
5
SPEAKER_03
And it s always tough, right?
5
SPEAKER_03
You just never know what you re getting.
5
SPEAKER_03
And I think people at home go, oh, this guy s a superstar, but to extract
5
SPEAKER_03
And it s always, unfortunately, it leans toward comedy.
5
SPEAKER_03
Like they like a funny story.
5
SPEAKER_03
Of course they like it lighter and this and that.
5
SPEAKER_03
Usually they plug a movie, they have to talk about the movie and that sort of flatlines.
5
SPEAKER_00
I always like it when they write it out first and then memorize it.
5
SPEAKER_00
And you can tell it s written.
5
SPEAKER_00
So I exclaimed.
5
SPEAKER_00
Okay, now, first of all, you don t exclaim.
5
SPEAKER_00
Nobody.
5
SPEAKER_00
Nobody complained.
5
SPEAKER_00
But I mean, they write it out and then they memorize it as it s written.
5
SPEAKER_03
You remember the time, I think it was Joaquin Phoenix, who I love.
5
SPEAKER_03
I think it was him.
5
SPEAKER_03
Was he telling you a story about his motorcycle broke down or was it Keanu or somebody?
5
SPEAKER_03
It was Keanu, I think, yeah.
5
SPEAKER_03
And then he goes, I broke down and you go, did you ever go back and get it?
5
SPEAKER_03
And he goes,
5
SPEAKER_03
I don t know, Jay, and you go, did this happen to you?
5
SPEAKER_03
And he goes, no, it s my friend s story.
5
SPEAKER_03
He tried to act like it was his story, but he goes, I didn t know what to talk about here.
5
SPEAKER_03
But that sort of let people in on- Oh, I had Joaquin Phoenix on the show.
5
SPEAKER_00
It was a pain in the ass.
5
SPEAKER_00
He was into that cool- Performance.
5
SPEAKER_03
All he was doing, I think, back then.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah, and I, at the end of the show, I said, well, listen, good seeing you.
5
SPEAKER_00
I hope you can come back sometime and do it in person, you know?
5
SPEAKER_00
Do it in person.
5
SPEAKER_00
You know, so his manager or somebody, he is a genius, do you understand?
5
SPEAKER_00
I said, it s a joke.
5
SPEAKER_00
I said, well, don t come back.
5
SPEAKER_00
I don t care.
5
SPEAKER_00
He was terrible.
5
SPEAKER_00
He didn t try.
5
SPEAKER_00
He was too cool for the room.
5
SPEAKER_00
You always get that.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s my favorite guest to go.
5
SPEAKER_00
Listen, I have to leave after my,
5
SPEAKER_00
They can t spare 20 minutes.
5
SPEAKER_00
Okay, so they leave, and then I come off, and they re still backstage talking in the hall.
5
SPEAKER_00
I said, you know, you could have been out there interacting with the other guests.
5
SPEAKER_00
Well, my manager said, it s better if it looks, people think you have somewhere to go.
5
SPEAKER_02
All right.
5
SPEAKER_02
I just felt it was rude to go on and not be prepared.
5
SPEAKER_02
I know, yeah.
5
SPEAKER_02
And you would always thank me and I maybe think, well, isn t everyone doing this?
5
SPEAKER_02
You go, yeah, thanks for preparing.
5
SPEAKER_03
Everything matters.
5
SPEAKER_03
Steve Martin said, I used to watch Steve Martin and say, works on it, Martin Short works on it.
5
SPEAKER_03
You just go, everything s an audition.
5
SPEAKER_03
Some people might ve seen me for the very first time I go on your show.
5
SPEAKER_03
And if you don t bring something, if you re sort of riding on your last movie, they ll go, this guy s not funny.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, that s what I always,
5
SPEAKER_00
A lot of times I ll go to flappers and I ll talk to comics and they ll go, I ve never done the same set twice.
5
SPEAKER_00
I pride myself.
5
SPEAKER_00
Well, that s why it s not really that funny.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s a matter of just paring it down.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s Groundhog Day.
5
SPEAKER_00
You keep getting the best version of it that you can.
5
SPEAKER_00
Make it tighter and tighter.
5
SPEAKER_02
Do you have bits that live for a while and then all of a sudden you think of two more tags?
5
SPEAKER_02
and then you do the bit.
5
SPEAKER_02
To me, it becomes very new if you just add something.
5
SPEAKER_02
It s like, oh, this feels brand new.
5
SPEAKER_03
I tell more stories because there s, in my case, I m not the most innovative comedian.
5
SPEAKER_03
Oh, yes, you are.
5
SPEAKER_03
That when you do stories about your life or yourself, it s harder to sound like someone else.
5
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, and nobody else can steal it.
5
SPEAKER_03
and you re just doing like, this is my interpretation of, but even if I did, Dennis Miller did a 7-Eleven joke.
5
SPEAKER_03
And when I started, they re like, don t do jokes about Jeopardy or 7-Eleven and McDonald s.
5
SPEAKER_03
And I go, well, if you re doing the same joke, don t, but like Dennis has his angle on it and it s funny.
5
SPEAKER_03
And then if you put your spin,
5
SPEAKER_03
It seems to be, it still works to me because they re common denominators.
5
SPEAKER_03
That s what people forget.
5
SPEAKER_03
That s why they do those jokes.
5
SPEAKER_03
I did a Jeopardy bit and when I used to do props like this, this hack over here, Dana, you were a big prop back.
5
SPEAKER_03
Oh, I had a trunk.
5
SPEAKER_03
I had a suitcase, and so I had a mini xylophone, right?
5
SPEAKER_03
Like a kid s one.
5
SPEAKER_03
Carted that fucking thing through JFK just to go with a little stick.
5
SPEAKER_03
Jeopardy, hey, and they asked the question, then I go, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, and I go, bing, bee, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, okay, pens down.
5
SPEAKER_00
Couldn t you just do it with your mouth?
5
SPEAKER_00
Then eventually you just said it.
5
SPEAKER_00
Eventually you just said that.
5
SPEAKER_00
Well, you know, that s why I travel alone, because that s where funny stuff comes, you know?
5
SPEAKER_02
Because you re forced to interact.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I mean, I was in Hamilton.
5
SPEAKER_00
Have you played up there in Canada?
5
SPEAKER_00
Probably.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh, Canada.
5
SPEAKER_00
Hamilton Place Theater.
5
SPEAKER_00
Outside of Ontario?
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, so I m in a hotel that s on the highway.
5
SPEAKER_00
I don t have a rental car.
5
SPEAKER_00
And across the street is like a little,
5
SPEAKER_00
So I said, I ll walk over to the mini mall.
5
SPEAKER_00
And it s like a dollar store.
5
SPEAKER_00
Gather jokes.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
So I m sitting there.
5
SPEAKER_00
So I go in this cafeteria place and I m in a hamburger and I see this guy looking at me, you know, guy about 26, 27.
5
SPEAKER_00
He goes, Hey, are you that Jane Leno fellow there?
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
Hey, can I talk to you?
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
Come and sit down.
5
SPEAKER_00
So I m talking to him.
5
SPEAKER_00
He says, uh, he s him and I don t, he wants to ask me something.
5
SPEAKER_00
I go,
5
SPEAKER_00
What do you want he goes hey you know when you watch those pro commercials on tv you know you see those commercials with girls taking a shower i said yeah he goes uh do they have any clothes on those commercials.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I said, so I said, well, you know, my friend, that s what he does.
5
SPEAKER_00
He shoots those commercials.
5
SPEAKER_00
And no, legally, you can t say you re taking a shower and have clothes on because they could sue you.
5
SPEAKER_00
So they have to be naked when they do the commercials.
5
SPEAKER_00
He goes, oh, oh really?
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, is that right?
5
SPEAKER_00
And he s this guy getting all worked up over these pro commercials.
5
SPEAKER_00
I said, oh yeah, yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
In fact, my friend must, he probably auditions 10, 15 girls a day and he has to watch them take a shower.
5
SPEAKER_00
And he s going, oh wait.
5
SPEAKER_00
Must be quite a job.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, but I mean he takes these there s no fooling around.
5
SPEAKER_00
No, he goes.
5
SPEAKER_00
No, I wouldn t That was his show business question, I like I was a pro commercial of all things Not even a good shampoo
5
SPEAKER_02
It s not even like an upper.
5
SPEAKER_00
I was in the pro.
5
SPEAKER_02
Here s a hell gig that involves Canada.
5
SPEAKER_02
So I m flying to Seattle to play comedy underground.
5
SPEAKER_02
They meet me at the airport and I go, oh, you re not playing comedy underground tonight.
5
SPEAKER_02
You re playing Kelowna, Canada.
5
SPEAKER_02
And I had like three hops to Kelowna.
5
SPEAKER_02
So then I m playing a disco.
5
SPEAKER_02
Right.
5
SPEAKER_02
And they re all dancing, the lights, everything.
5
SPEAKER_02
Then they throw me on
6
SPEAKER_02
on the disco floor, just death, dead silence.
6
SPEAKER_02
Wait, do you remember when you and I did the wedding?
6
SPEAKER_02
Oh, God, that was, oh, let s talk about that next.
6
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, yeah.
6
SPEAKER_02
But anyway, when I got out, a guy felt sorry for me.
6
SPEAKER_02
This Canadian guy says, hey, next time you re here, you know, do about when guys coming out of the bathroom with wet stains on their trousers, they always get some.
6
SPEAKER_02
That was his advice.
6
SPEAKER_02
So anyway, Jay and I played a millionaire s wedding.
6
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, with Rod Stewart.
6
SPEAKER_02
Who got a million to close, at least if I got that right.
6
SPEAKER_01
Something like that, yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
Whoa.
6
SPEAKER_02
But it was, well, how would you describe it?
6
SPEAKER_01
A flingy film.
6
SPEAKER_01
Well, first of all, it s just people eating.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s a wedding, everybody s talking.
6
SPEAKER_01
I go on, bomb, just bomb.
6
SPEAKER_01
I ve never seen that.
6
SPEAKER_02
But the audience is like 100 feet away as well.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, but they re not even, it s all- They re not even looking.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s a lot of this.
6
SPEAKER_01
So they re not even looking at you.
6
SPEAKER_01
Dana Carvey, they go, well, Dana don t kill.
6
SPEAKER_01
And then you didn t do that well either.
6
SPEAKER_01
No, no, no, I bombed Jay.
6
SPEAKER_01
And then Rob Stewart, do you think I m sexy?
6
SPEAKER_01
Everyone s still talking.
6
SPEAKER_01
I mean, just unbelievable.
6
SPEAKER_01
They never even looked up, they never applauded.
6
SPEAKER_02
I walked in, I think it was David Crosby with a guitar in the foyer singing Crosby Hills and Nash hits and people are walking up front, just ignoring him, talking right back to him, having a drink.
6
SPEAKER_02
Who s that guy?
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, well, corporate gigs are the funniest because you re getting paid to bomb basically.
6
SPEAKER_00
And they try their best.
6
SPEAKER_00
Sometimes they say, but I think there s these people that make ton of money.
6
SPEAKER_00
Then they re the CEO.
6
SPEAKER_00
And then they look around and they say, Leno or Carvey is my favorite comic.
6
SPEAKER_00
I m the boss now.
6
SPEAKER_00
I can have them just come to our show and that s such a power move.
6
SPEAKER_00
I think it s fun for them and they get to meet you and take a picture.
6
SPEAKER_02
Sometimes they re actually really good.
6
SPEAKER_02
You might find this funny, Jay, it must have happened to you, but sometimes they want the entrance to be exciting in a corporate date.
6
SPEAKER_02
And I always tell them, it only buys me seven seconds.
6
SPEAKER_02
So it s a car thing.
6
SPEAKER_02
We re going to put you in the go-kart.
6
SPEAKER_02
You re going to drive up on the stage or they re going to drop you in with a harness.
6
SPEAKER_02
So have you had any of those where you can t just walk to the mic?
6
SPEAKER_01
I like it when they think, they know, here s what, you go out, you tell like two jokes, and then you talk about the company for a little bit and explain what we do.
6
SPEAKER_01
And then, you know, go back and do it.
6
SPEAKER_01
I go, well, no, let me just do the joke.
6
SPEAKER_01
Oh, no, no, no, guys, it s a deal breaker.
6
SPEAKER_01
Okay, you know, please welcome Frank Sinatra, and then he talks.
6
SPEAKER_01
They don t want to hear him sing.
6
SPEAKER_01
That s just what it is, you know?
6
SPEAKER_01
You can t do that.
6
SPEAKER_01
I just get a lot of those, yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it s hard to incorporate.
6
SPEAKER_00
They think it s easy.
6
SPEAKER_00
If you could do about 10 or 15 just about our company.
6
SPEAKER_00
Like 10 or 15 minutes about your boring company?
6
SPEAKER_01
Exactly.
6
SPEAKER_00
I don t know anyone here.
6
SPEAKER_00
I don t know how it works.
6
SPEAKER_01
I ll tell you a great story.
6
SPEAKER_01
I had a guy on the show.
6
SPEAKER_01
He was the first blind person to climb Mount Everest.
6
SPEAKER_01
This guy was in incredible shape, but he s blind.
6
SPEAKER_01
And he, you know.
6
SPEAKER_01
Okay, sounds like a joke coming.
6
SPEAKER_01
No, no, this is a real thing.
6
SPEAKER_01
So he comes down and he does, and he s very good, you know?
6
SPEAKER_01
So he says, are you doing a lot of motivational speaking?
6
SPEAKER_01
He goes, yeah, yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
I go, well, that s pretty good money.
6
SPEAKER_01
And he goes, yeah, but I tell you, I hate to go.
6
SPEAKER_01
I go, why?
6
SPEAKER_01
He goes, because he goes to these things, you know, and he does the whole thing about clanging on them.
6
SPEAKER_01
He s only gone to an icy rock.
6
SPEAKER_01
He doesn t know if it s day or night.
6
SPEAKER_01
Sleet is hitting him.
6
SPEAKER_01
It takes him like three months to go step by step.
6
SPEAKER_01
And he says, inevitably, when he does the meet and greet, people come up and they shake his hand and they go,
6
SPEAKER_01
You know, I was gonna climb Everest last summer, but you know, the kid s got soccer and the wife s got things to do, but yeah, I m gonna do it one of these days.
6
SPEAKER_01
And he s like, fuck you.
6
SPEAKER_01
He s just seething with rage.
6
SPEAKER_01
He s clinging on to this mountain.
6
SPEAKER_01
He s barely alive.
6
SPEAKER_01
And then people just take it for granted.
6
SPEAKER_01
Oh yeah, I was gonna do Everest, but we always get that too.
6
SPEAKER_01
People go, you know, I was gonna do comedy for a while, but then I decided I wanted to get into a vacuum sales, you know.
6
SPEAKER_01
How do you come up with that?
6
SPEAKER_02
That Saturday Night Live stuff, that must be a kick, right?
6
SPEAKER_02
All these vague questions.
6
SPEAKER_02
What s that like?
6
SPEAKER_01
So what s the funniest thing you ve ever said?
6
SPEAKER_01
Tell me the funniest thing.
6
SPEAKER_01
Well, no, okay, right away, you re dead.
6
SPEAKER_01
There s nothing.
6
SPEAKER_01
Nothing s going to be funny.
6
SPEAKER_02
Or this one.
6
SPEAKER_02
I don t know if you can use this.
6
SPEAKER_02
It s like a nine minute wind up to a joke.
6
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, and it s like a hugely racist instrument.
6
SPEAKER_00
Or do you, I bet you hate when people come up and talk to you.
6
SPEAKER_00
I m like, well, I m not going to tell you that, but I ll tell the next person about you.
6
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, yeah.
6
SPEAKER_02
Bert Lancaster tried to give me a joke once.
6
SPEAKER_02
Really?
6
SPEAKER_02
I was doing a movie with him.
6
SPEAKER_02
I don t know if he can use it.
6
SPEAKER_02
I ll just do a little bit of the voice.
6
SPEAKER_02
Okay, go ahead.
6
SPEAKER_02
So there s this football player.
6
SPEAKER_02
He s not too good at grades, right?
6
SPEAKER_02
So he goes to the principal s office.
6
SPEAKER_02
Not too good at grades.
6
SPEAKER_02
And they re going to give him a test.
6
SPEAKER_02
So the principal goes, I ll give you a test.
6
SPEAKER_02
See if you re smart enough to play football.
6
SPEAKER_02
This is three plus two and then the dumb guy says five and the coach goes give him another try Does it make sense the coach is dumber than the player yeah, the coach is dumber than play Give him another try Does that work in your act
6
SPEAKER_00
No, Kirk Douglas stole it.
6
SPEAKER_00
Jay, how many times a day do you post to TikTok?
6
SPEAKER_01
I don t, I don t post any.
6
SPEAKER_01
I don t post at all anymore.
6
SPEAKER_01
I didn t even do Twitter.
6
SPEAKER_01
I told one joke on Twitter and somebody thought it was funny.
6
SPEAKER_01
The joke was when I had my motorcycle accident.
6
SPEAKER_01
I said, what happened?
6
SPEAKER_01
I was riding my bike.
6
SPEAKER_01
I came around the corner and I slammed into Jeremy Renner s snowmobile.
6
SPEAKER_01
And it got a big laugh.
6
SPEAKER_01
And then I, you know, when you Google, whenever you re mentioned, I see Leno makes fun of Renner s accident.
6
SPEAKER_01
Leno laughs at the pain.
6
SPEAKER_01
No, I didn t.
6
SPEAKER_01
No, I never even, I said, I crashed into a snowmobile.
6
SPEAKER_01
And it just, and then people- It s a tough world out there.
6
SPEAKER_02
Leno should apologize.
6
SPEAKER_02
Oh, shut up.
6
SPEAKER_02
Jesus.
6
SPEAKER_02
Did you see any jokes about your accident that you thought were funny?
6
SPEAKER_01
And you wouldn t be offended, you d be like, yeah, there s comedy.
6
SPEAKER_01
No, I think they re really funny.
6
SPEAKER_01
In fact, I called Jeremy Renner s people and they were fine.
6
SPEAKER_01
They said, yeah, that s funny.
6
SPEAKER_02
He s got a great sense of humor.
6
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, exactly.
6
SPEAKER_00
I actually, I barely know Jeremy Renner, so I said, I hope, you know, just sending, it was terrible.
6
SPEAKER_00
Right when it happened, you re like, holy shit, I hope he pulls out of this.
6
SPEAKER_00
This is, you wouldn t wish on anybody.
6
SPEAKER_00
And then about, and then when he said he s doing okay and it ll be all right, you know, probably underplay the severity,
6
SPEAKER_00
I think I knew him barely enough that I had a picture of a snow cone at dinner, and I was buzzed, and I said, hey, can you get this thing out of this, I don t know.
6
SPEAKER_00
It was something about a snow plow.
6
SPEAKER_00
Snow cone?
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I had a snow cone, and they brought me a dessert, and then I did some joke and sent it to him.
6
SPEAKER_00
Anyway, it went over.
6
SPEAKER_02
So he s in the hospital bed, he gets a picture of a snow cone from David Spade, and the byline is?
6
SPEAKER_02
And I DM d him it.
6
SPEAKER_00
And what was the joke?
6
SPEAKER_00
I said, can you get rid of this for me?
6
SPEAKER_00
Something about a snow, something.
6
SPEAKER_00
Anyway, it was really well-written and tight.
6
SPEAKER_00
And then- Yeah, yeah.
6
SPEAKER_02
We have Jeremy Renner on the line right now.
6
SPEAKER_00
And then when he was offended, I said, I heard what Jay said.
6
SPEAKER_00
That was shitty, dude.
6
SPEAKER_00
I switched it back to Jay real quick.
6
SPEAKER_00
People are so sensitive.
6
SPEAKER_00
But now- No, he was very cool about it.
6
SPEAKER_00
Just the long story is I can t write a joke and let s move on.
6
SPEAKER_02
Social media, so I get these new agents.
6
SPEAKER_02
I go into the inner sanctum, like Ned Beatty and Network.
6
SPEAKER_02
Right.
6
SPEAKER_02
And he says, it s all social media.
6
SPEAKER_02
It s all direct to consumer.
6
SPEAKER_02
And there s comedians outside the lines.
6
SPEAKER_02
There s no NBC sitcom.
6
SPEAKER_02
There s no Tonight Show.
6
SPEAKER_02
There s nothing.
6
SPEAKER_02
They re creating their own ecosystem.
6
SPEAKER_02
They re doing giant specials and they re playing all over the world.
6
SPEAKER_02
So that s this new, new, new thing.
6
SPEAKER_02
You don t need it because you re Jay Leno.
6
SPEAKER_00
You don t need it because you re David Karmick.
6
SPEAKER_01
I like great joke, tell joke, get check.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s real simple.
6
SPEAKER_01
And I said to myself, you know, they offer you the specials.
6
SPEAKER_01
I could go, okay, I could work 10 gigs, 20 gigs and make the same money and still own the material.
6
SPEAKER_01
Because once you put it out there, it s gone.
6
SPEAKER_00
And when you show clips of it on video, that s the under 40 crowd, is that that s all they pass around and people send me little clips.
6
SPEAKER_02
20, 25 second clips.
6
SPEAKER_02
So you go to the Ice House, you have to get a camera, you do your set, then you just get clips out.
6
SPEAKER_02
And a lot of Instagram people, a lot of people are doing standup as a fetish, as a part of their brand.
6
SPEAKER_02
So they ll do a little standup, they ll do the 20 second clips, anyone can kill for 20 seconds.
6
SPEAKER_02
And then so it s not grumpy old man stuff.
6
SPEAKER_02
It s just, this is what s the technology has.
6
SPEAKER_00
And you also burn material.
6
SPEAKER_00
So now a new thing is they do crowd work, which doesn t help you when you go to a real show because you don t want interaction.
6
SPEAKER_00
Usually most comics want to do their acting when they re sort of make it okay to do crowd work, because that s something that just happened when they film an hour set, they go in the crowd, if they get one thing that works, they post it.
6
SPEAKER_00
But then when people come see them, they start interrupting them.
6
SPEAKER_00
And that s tough because you don t want to burn a real joke.
6
SPEAKER_00
So you happen to come up with something for the crowd and then post it.
6
SPEAKER_02
I don t have jokes.
6
SPEAKER_02
I don t have you guys.
6
SPEAKER_02
I can do Fauci and just sort of go for 10 minutes.
6
SPEAKER_02
So it s a little different.
6
SPEAKER_02
I can t write jokes.
6
SPEAKER_02
Take a new shot every hour.
6
SPEAKER_02
I m terrible at jokes.
6
SPEAKER_02
I did one when I was 27.
6
SPEAKER_02
I go, hi everybody.
6
SPEAKER_02
I m 27, but I read at a 29 year old level.
6
SPEAKER_02
Killed.
6
SPEAKER_02
I met my wife at 19.
7
SPEAKER_01
Razor is one of my own.
7
SPEAKER_01
Boom, but that s about all I got you.
7
SPEAKER_01
Those are jokes, yeah, set-up jokes.
7
SPEAKER_01
But I admire joke writers that can come up with that, their brain.
7
SPEAKER_01
Dennis Miller is an amazing guy.
7
SPEAKER_01
It is funny when you write it.
7
SPEAKER_02
I mean, here s a joke that I ve been doing.
7
SPEAKER_02
I love this joke.
7
SPEAKER_02
I said, I go to Best Buy looking for a washer and dryer, right?
7
SPEAKER_02
The guy goes, let me show you a new line of smart washers and dryers.
7
SPEAKER_02
I go, wait, what makes them smart?
7
SPEAKER_02
He goes, they got wifi.
7
SPEAKER_02
I said, you know, I don t need Wi-Fi when I m washing and drying.
7
SPEAKER_02
Because it s value-added, it s included in the price.
7
SPEAKER_02
When you buy the top-of-the-line model, you get the Wi-Fi for free.
7
SPEAKER_02
I said, oh, fine.
7
SPEAKER_02
So I buy the washer and dryer with Wi-Fi.
7
SPEAKER_02
For the last two weeks, I walk around with damp underwear because I forgot my password.
7
SPEAKER_02
And that gets you, you know, and it s a joke that works across every age group, because young people, you know, if you re under 40, you get the connection with the computer and you gotta, you know, I mean, yeah, it just works.
7
SPEAKER_02
It s fun when you have a joke that works across the board.
7
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, and works every time.
7
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah.
7
SPEAKER_01
And it s clean.
7
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, exactly, you can do it anywhere.
7
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
7
SPEAKER_02
Because it s amazing, the two Americas always amazes me.
7
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, we have.
7
SPEAKER_02
Because I go to places and I meet people,
7
SPEAKER_02
I go, boy, this is a Trump crowd, but I like these people.
7
SPEAKER_02
Blue collar, they work hard, they got families, happily married.
7
SPEAKER_02
I don t drink, I don t smoke, I don t gamble.
7
SPEAKER_02
I m pretty conservative that way.
7
SPEAKER_02
So I identify with that part of it.
7
SPEAKER_02
I might not identify with the political part or even the religious part.
7
SPEAKER_02
So I just keep it down the middle.
7
SPEAKER_02
And this way you make money from both sides.
7
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I feel like I can play to any crowd.
7
SPEAKER_02
Oh, you can play.
7
SPEAKER_02
You and I pass each other constantly on the road.
7
SPEAKER_02
Either you were just there or you re just coming here.
7
SPEAKER_01
This backstage person said to me,
7
SPEAKER_01
I don t know, right before the, she talked about you specifically, how relaxed you were.
7
SPEAKER_01
And she said, he s one of the most confident people I ve ever met.
7
SPEAKER_01
I think because you re so in shape, you re never not in shape as a performer.
7
SPEAKER_01
Because I remember even as a young performer, and I would open for you, and you d just be in a chair by the stage.
7
SPEAKER_01
And a lot of, in those days you had a pipe.
7
SPEAKER_01
Oh yeah.
7
SPEAKER_01
And you re just like so relaxed.
7
SPEAKER_01
Because you ve been on stage, you ve been doing your acting, and then I come off stage, and you just said to me, and you were right, you said, you re gonna need some more jokes.
7
SPEAKER_01
Because I didn t have any jokes.
7
SPEAKER_01
I was more of a sketch player organically.
7
SPEAKER_01
Then I got on Saturday Night Live, and the rest is history.
7
SPEAKER_00
Do you use a set list?
7
SPEAKER_00
You never do, do you?
7
SPEAKER_02
No, I don t have anything.
7
SPEAKER_02
I m dyslexic, so I don t have anything written down.
7
SPEAKER_00
Jesus, it s hard to remember a whole hour.
7
SPEAKER_01
Well, if something gets a laugh, I just remember it.
7
SPEAKER_01
Bill Burr doesn t write anything down, he said.
7
SPEAKER_01
He goes out every night and he s hitting three stages.
7
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, but that s what I mean.
7
SPEAKER_02
To me, because the stage is not a normal place to be, okay?
7
SPEAKER_02
And if you re not on stage for two weeks, it s like, well, this is, what?
7
SPEAKER_02
You re tripping over your work.
7
SPEAKER_02
I mean, it should be second nature.
7
SPEAKER_02
I mean, what I used to do,
7
SPEAKER_02
and I still do it sometimes, I ll try to write a letter with my hand while I m doing my acts.
7
SPEAKER_02
Not in front of an audience, but to see if I can compartmentalize.
7
SPEAKER_02
And so that way I can...
7
SPEAKER_02
I can be thinking of what I m going to say to the, you know, the guy that s heckling me while I m doing my act.
7
SPEAKER_02
Cause you know, it s like doing the pledge of allegiance to the United States of America.
7
SPEAKER_02
And you can do something while you re saying that, cause it s a part of- You know it so well.
7
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
7
SPEAKER_02
And the same thing with comedy.
7
SPEAKER_02
So if I can write a letter with this hand while I m doing my act, it s just a good way to practice.
7
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, you re right.
7
SPEAKER_01
You do have to desensitize to the whole concept of, here he is and be funny now, and everyone s looking at you.
7
SPEAKER_00
This is kind of out of nowhere, but did you ever meet like,
7
SPEAKER_00
Early SNL people like Belushi or Gilda?
7
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I picked Belushi up at the airport.
7
SPEAKER_02
He had been on Saturday Night Live with Bud Friedman.
7
SPEAKER_02
He was coming to the improv.
7
SPEAKER_02
I didn t know him that well.
7
SPEAKER_02
I just, you know, he was like a crazy, you know, just, you know, drugs.
7
SPEAKER_02
I just wasn t that guy, you know, but I mean, I certainly liked him and admired him.
7
SPEAKER_00
It must have been huge at that point.
7
SPEAKER_00
Oh, yeah.
7
SPEAKER_00
You got big fast.
7
SPEAKER_01
That was the first year, yeah.
7
SPEAKER_01
And you played all the clubs.
7
SPEAKER_01
In LA, for our fans out there, it was the Comedy Store, it was Coke and Pepsi in a way, and then it was the Improv.
7
SPEAKER_01
The Laugh Factory came in later.
7
SPEAKER_01
You played everywhere, of course.
7
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I did all.
7
SPEAKER_02
I painted the roof of the Improv and bought the building.
7
SPEAKER_01
You lived in a storage room and you painted a roof.
7
SPEAKER_01
You were busy.
7
SPEAKER_02
Well, I always tell this story.
7
SPEAKER_02
I ve been telling it lately about when I first came to LA, I would live in open houses.
7
SPEAKER_02
I d go to an open house, you d see like, open house 12 to four.
7
SPEAKER_02
So I d go at 3.30, I d walk through the house, I d go, thank you, goodbye.
7
SPEAKER_02
I d slam the front door, then I d duck in the closet, you know?
7
SPEAKER_02
And then the realtor would stick around for another 20 minutes, lock up and leave.
7
SPEAKER_02
This is before cars, houses had alarms, you know?
7
SPEAKER_02
So, and I would just live in the house for two or three days.
7
SPEAKER_02
And one day I was, one of the houses belonged- That s clever.
7
SPEAKER_02
One of the houses belonged to one of the beach boys, it was on Coldwater Canyon, I m sleeping, you know?
7
SPEAKER_02
And i hear the realtor now this is the bedroom.
7
SPEAKER_02
But I was sleeping in the bed and this woman screams, you know, mommy, there s a kid, get the children out of here.
7
SPEAKER_02
She goes, what are you doing here?
7
SPEAKER_02
I m sorry.
7
SPEAKER_02
Get out, get out.
7
SPEAKER_02
That s the only time I got caught.
7
SPEAKER_02
But I lived at houses on Outpost and Bel Air.
7
SPEAKER_02
I don t know, I was trying to find, and I never stole anything or damaged anything.
7
SPEAKER_02
I always made the bed.
7
SPEAKER_02
I just didn t have any place to live, so.
7
SPEAKER_01
I did, I come in full circle.
7
SPEAKER_01
I like Chris Rock s line when I go, I make millions, but I identify as poor.
7
SPEAKER_01
And you, it seems like, I mean, when was, do you remember the first time you made a million dollars?
7
SPEAKER_01
Cause I remember you started to explode as a standup in the mid eighties or something from, from your Letterman shots.
7
SPEAKER_01
And so you were doing, you were really doing well.
7
SPEAKER_01
We don t have to give the numbers, but you started to really get wealthy at that point.
7
SPEAKER_00
First million is a big, big deal.
7
SPEAKER_00
It is a big deal.
7
SPEAKER_00
Feels like you re doing something.
7
SPEAKER_00
Feels like, okay, I can do this job.
7
SPEAKER_02
You are doing something.
7
SPEAKER_02
It s exactly, yeah.
7
SPEAKER_00
It didn t come easy.
7
SPEAKER_01
It does not.
7
SPEAKER_01
No, and I stand up when I think about, unless you re a savant, maybe like Eddie Murphy, for the rest of us, and even Louis C.K., it took 20 years, really, to become Louis C.K.
7
SPEAKER_02
But you know something, you had a good time all the way, so it never really mattered.
7
SPEAKER_01
Oh yeah, well, once you re in show business, once I didn t have to be a waiter, and this is my job, it was the most exciting thing ever.
7
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, that s right.
7
SPEAKER_02
I never thought, you know, I just had a series of little breaks as opposed to some huge people.
7
SPEAKER_02
What was your big break?
7
SPEAKER_02
Well, it wasn t, you know, before I did Carson, I did wait on flowers and mad at my cook.
7
SPEAKER_02
I did Dinah Shore.
7
SPEAKER_02
I remember I did Dinah Shore.
7
SPEAKER_02
I don t know why I thought this was so funny.
7
SPEAKER_02
But I m with Donna, she s like, Jay, welcome to the show.
7
SPEAKER_02
Thank you very much.
7
SPEAKER_02
Well, thank you, Donna.
7
SPEAKER_02
How you doing?
7
SPEAKER_02
Talking about, she says, tell me about your family.
7
SPEAKER_02
And I have a brother, he s 10 years older.
7
SPEAKER_02
Okay, now I was like 23, 24 at this time.
7
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
7
SPEAKER_02
And I said, do you have any older sister at the time?
7
SPEAKER_02
She goes, yeah, I have an older sister.
7
SPEAKER_02
She s 85.
7
SPEAKER_02
Holy shit.
7
SPEAKER_02
I ve never met anybody with a sister who s 85.
7
SPEAKER_02
I didn t have any friends.
7
85.
7
SPEAKER_02
85 year old sister.
7
SPEAKER_02
And she said, wow, that s so funny.
7
SPEAKER_02
I don t know why I thought that was so hilarious.
7
SPEAKER_02
Because you always think of it, you re 16, your brother s 19, they re 25.
7
SPEAKER_02
The fact that, and of course Dinah Shore s one of those people, maybe she s 60, maybe she s four.
7
SPEAKER_02
I don t know how old she was.
7
SPEAKER_02
Makeup, you know, just the fact that I m this young and you have an 85 year old, I just, I couldn t.
7
SPEAKER_00
By the way, you probably didn t know how old she was at all.
7
SPEAKER_00
I don t know anyone on TV how old they were.
7
SPEAKER_00
I never even thought of them.
7
SPEAKER_00
They re just a person on TV.
7
SPEAKER_00
At your age, you go, holy shit.
7
SPEAKER_01
They were all old when you were growing up because they were coming from radio and movies.
7
SPEAKER_01
It was Jack Benny.
7
SPEAKER_01
He made jokes about Bob Hope.
7
SPEAKER_01
I didn t know he was
7
SPEAKER_02
I never met, I would have loved to have met Benny.
7
SPEAKER_02
He was my all-time favorite, just the best.
7
SPEAKER_02
I knew Hope a little bit, and I did some things with him, and he was very nice, but he wasn t a comedian.
7
SPEAKER_02
He was a funny guy, and he could sing and dance, and he could do it all, and kept all the writers on staff, but not an ad-libber guy, like Newhart.
7
SPEAKER_02
Nobody s funnier than Newhart.
7
SPEAKER_01
No, and I don t know if this is true, but you always wonder behind the scenes.
7
SPEAKER_01
People had told me that Jack Benny was just the most generous comedian.
7
SPEAKER_01
Like he would be in the wings and really laughing.
7
SPEAKER_01
Isn t he great?
7
SPEAKER_01
You know, just that type of person.
7
SPEAKER_01
It s nice to hear.
7
SPEAKER_02
You know, Cosby used to be that way, you know.
7
SPEAKER_02
I remember I was saying... Bing?
7
SPEAKER_02
Huh?
7
SPEAKER_01
Bing Cosby?
7
SPEAKER_02
No, Bill Cosby.
7
SPEAKER_02
Oh, Bill!
7
SPEAKER_02
Bill Cosby.
7
SPEAKER_02
Oh, yeah, before, yeah.
7
SPEAKER_02
I remember I was opening for Neil Sedaka up at Tahoe.
7
SPEAKER_02
Neil Sedaka got sick, so they re bringing Bill Cosby in.
7
SPEAKER_02
I said, oh, well, I guess I... And Cosby said, no, no, have Leno open, that ll be fun.
7
SPEAKER_02
And, oh, my name was as big as his on the marquee.
7
SPEAKER_02
I mean, all these things he didn t have to do.
7
SPEAKER_02
He was very nice, you know?
7
SPEAKER_02
And, you know, he had two girls with him, which none of my business.
7
SPEAKER_00
Chris Rock wanted to see him one time, or Adam, and we all flew out to Vegas.
8
SPEAKER_00
I think this is before the shit show, but we all went out there, probably Kevin James, Rock Sandler, maybe two others.
8
SPEAKER_00
And then we watched him.
8
SPEAKER_00
He did about two hours.
8
SPEAKER_00
Went back and talked to him.
8
SPEAKER_00
It was probably the end of the era of like the old exciting seeing Cosby talking to, he s talking to his younger comics and giving us time, which used to do to, I worked at Vegas once and you let me come down from the Riviera.
8
SPEAKER_00
I was probably opening for Jackie Vernon.
8
SPEAKER_00
Oh, Jackie Vernon, yeah.
8
SPEAKER_00
When Steve Sciarippa was, yeah.
8
SPEAKER_00
The clicker.
8
SPEAKER_00
But someone you invited down and he said, is it okay if this other comic comes?
8
SPEAKER_00
You said, sure.
8
SPEAKER_00
And we went to Caesars or something and you bought us all breakfast at midnight.
8
SPEAKER_00
Oh, that s funny.
8
SPEAKER_00
Jay was good about that.
8
SPEAKER_00
Always letting the comics come.
8
SPEAKER_02
One thing about the competition thing that never ends, and it just made me laugh so hard.
8
SPEAKER_02
I was doing Washington State in Play the Field House.
8
SPEAKER_02
So it s kind of,
8
SPEAKER_02
mom and dad day or something, so you re gonna get a lot of people.
8
SPEAKER_02
But Cosby had played there the year before, and I guess he did 10,000.
8
SPEAKER_02
So the promoter said that Cosby had called and wanted to know what numbers I got.
8
SPEAKER_02
He said, don t tell me you got more than about 6,000.
8
SPEAKER_02
You know, he was really into beating.
8
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, that s funny.
8
SPEAKER_02
Well, you know what s funny?
8
SPEAKER_01
I remember I had Joey Bishop on the Tonight Show.
8
SPEAKER_01
Joey Bishop.
8
SPEAKER_01
Competitive with Regis, but that s another story.
8
SPEAKER_01
Oh, well, here you go, here you go.
8
SPEAKER_01
So anyway, he comes out and he,
8
SPEAKER_01
He s funny on the panel, so I say, well Joey, good seeing you.
8
SPEAKER_01
Okay, my next guest, very funny comedian, please welcome Louis Anderson.
8
SPEAKER_01
So Louis is doing stand-up, he s getting big laughs, you know, and I feel this tug.
8
SPEAKER_01
Hey, hey, you think that s funny in what I did?
8
SPEAKER_01
I go, well, you think that s funny what I did?
8
SPEAKER_01
I go, well, no, I said, you re a natural comic, he s doing an act.
8
SPEAKER_01
I m just trying to get him to shut up, because the audience is like, what s going on?
8
SPEAKER_01
I can see Louie being a little distracted.
8
SPEAKER_01
So I m thinking, he goes, you think that shit is good?
8
SPEAKER_01
You think that s good?
8
SPEAKER_01
That shit.
8
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I m going.
8
SPEAKER_01
And this is post-rap pack, all of it?
8
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I mean, yeah.
8
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, he didn t.
8
SPEAKER_01
Well, he was very weird.
8
SPEAKER_01
Like one time Sinatra called and then asked him to, there was some kind of benefits, Sinatra was going to do it, he couldn t do it.
8
SPEAKER_01
Joey, could you step in?
8
SPEAKER_01
And he tells Sinatra, yeah, but I got to get 50 grand.
8
SPEAKER_01
And Sinatra s like, well, you know, but just do the gig.
8
SPEAKER_01
You know, I don t mean to put your feet to the fire, but I gotta get a 50.
8
SPEAKER_01
And it was like, well, that was the end of it after that.
8
SPEAKER_01
It was like, what are you doing?
8
SPEAKER_01
Talk about taking the TC.
8
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I mean, Sinatra asked you to.
8
SPEAKER_01
I work with him, I work with Sinatra.
8
SPEAKER_01
We did Duke University, right?
8
SPEAKER_01
So this is like the heart of the Bible.
8
SPEAKER_01
College gigs.
8
SPEAKER_01
So I go in and I do my, it was a Perry Como invitational, but Perry Como got sick, so Sinatra said he d fill in.
8
SPEAKER_01
Wowee.
8
SPEAKER_01
So Sinatra comes down, he walks up, ♪ Fly me to the moon.
8
SPEAKER_01
♪ Woo, the crowd goes crazy, you know?
8
SPEAKER_01
And then he goes, hey, it s a nice town, but where do you get a drink around here?
8
SPEAKER_01
Nothing.
8
SPEAKER_01
And you see him literally go, tap the mic like, maybe they didn t hear me.
8
SPEAKER_01
I go, strangers, and then I, oh, they go crazy strangers.
8
SPEAKER_01
Then he does the old joke about, you know, I got to my hotel, there was no girl in the room, so they sent one up.
8
SPEAKER_00
He didn t understand.
8
SPEAKER_01
And you could see the flop sweat.
8
SPEAKER_01
He was like, what?
8
SPEAKER_01
And this was like the Christian thing.
8
SPEAKER_01
They wanted to hear the music, didn t want your stories, don t want to hear about liquor, don t want to hear about eating fried eggs off a hooker s stomach.
8
SPEAKER_01
Thank you.
8
SPEAKER_01
Just keep moving.
8
SPEAKER_00
By the way, there s a lot of singers I see now,
8
SPEAKER_00
And they do patter, you know, they do more and more, they do similar standup, you know, they do a song, but I think they re bored with it.
8
SPEAKER_00
And then they do a joke and the crowd likes it, you know, they give them a break.
8
SPEAKER_00
And then there s more of that, more of that in between every song.
8
SPEAKER_00
And at a certain point, like, just get to the, you know, of course, I don t wanna be mean, but, and some of the jokes work.
8
SPEAKER_00
I saw Lionel Richie, he s like naturally like a likable, funny guy.
8
SPEAKER_00
He was doing a lot of stuff and he s done stuff that s tried and true that just works every night and it s great.
8
SPEAKER_00
And that makes it fun for him.
8
SPEAKER_00
McCartney did some stuff, you know.
8
SPEAKER_00
A little bit.
8
SPEAKER_00
We did a couple, you know, I got a few things that I do.
8
SPEAKER_02
I just say it so he ll do that.
8
SPEAKER_00
You just want me to do it, Jay Leno?
8
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
8
SPEAKER_00
Adele does it and she s funny.
8
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I was watching going, she s a great singer.
8
SPEAKER_00
I think you re 90% there.
8
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
8
SPEAKER_00
Everyone likes you already.
8
SPEAKER_00
You do a joke, it s fun.
8
SPEAKER_00
We have good joke writers writing good jokes.
8
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I think people write them jokes.
8
SPEAKER_00
And you just say them.
8
SPEAKER_01
Did you ever work with McCartney?
8
SPEAKER_01
I did a benefit with him.
8
SPEAKER_02
I didn t work with him.
8
SPEAKER_02
I hung out with him, but not.
8
SPEAKER_01
So I made the big mistake of ordering a pepperoni pizza.
8
SPEAKER_01
Oh.
8
SPEAKER_01
So I got the box.
8
SPEAKER_01
I m thinking maybe the band.
8
SPEAKER_01
Like, uh, you guys want a slice?
8
SPEAKER_01
Oh, we love gov, but the bosses, he ll smell the meat on our breath.
8
SPEAKER_01
We can t take it.
8
SPEAKER_01
That guy said, well, let s see.
8
SPEAKER_01
He s coming to eat.
8
SPEAKER_01
He s coming.
8
SPEAKER_01
You get that thing out.
8
SPEAKER_01
I had to hide the pizza.
8
SPEAKER_01
I m like, I m putting like towels under the door to keep the smell of the pepperoni.
8
SPEAKER_02
I hope that s not pepperoni.
8
SPEAKER_01
I m smelling something.
8
SPEAKER_02
Where are my three backstage towels?
8
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah.
8
SPEAKER_02
So when you, cause you didn t finish that, were you open for Cosby?
8
SPEAKER_02
Was he generous with you?
8
SPEAKER_02
Was that what you were after?
8
SPEAKER_01
Very nice.
8
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
8
SPEAKER_01
Very nice.
8
SPEAKER_01
And he had these two girls with him, like Thumper and Bam Bam, you know, it s just kind of weird.
8
SPEAKER_01
I know them, Tahoe area.
8
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
8
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
8
SPEAKER_01
And my wife and I and he and the two girls and we go out to dinner and
8
SPEAKER_01
My wife would go, is he sleeping with these guys?
8
SPEAKER_01
I go, I guess so, I don t know.
8
SPEAKER_01
But they were adults, it s not like they were, so to me, I don t know what your situation is at home, and the four of us would go and do stuff, and he was very nice, but it just got stranger and stranger.
8
SPEAKER_01
Eventually on The Tonight Show, all the female talent coordinators refused to work with him because,
8
SPEAKER_01
He d be sitting in his boxer shorts and they d be open and they d be like, oh, this is not good.
8
SPEAKER_01
It was very, very weird.
8
SPEAKER_01
Just very strong.
8
SPEAKER_02
Very eccentric.
8
SPEAKER_02
I played this casino in Central Oregon and they said Cosby would always come in two days early on a G5.
8
SPEAKER_02
He couldn t be making that much in the room.
8
SPEAKER_02
He d get a rotary old-fashioned phone in the room so he could call his friends.
8
SPEAKER_02
They d have the chefs come up, because he d bring Philadelphia hot dogs in the freezer and explain how to cook it.
8
SPEAKER_02
And at corporate dates, he d get 20 cookies on a tray and leave them outside his dressing room.
8
SPEAKER_02
He d go to his set, and then he would come back and count the cookies.
8
SPEAKER_02
And if one was missing, it was not a good evening.
8
SPEAKER_02
I put 20 cookies on the bread and I got 18 cookies.
8
SPEAKER_01
He didn t leave them out there for people?
8
SPEAKER_02
Or were they for him?
8
SPEAKER_02
No, no, they re just suddenly out there.
8
SPEAKER_02
And then if some were missing- Was it entrapment?
8
SPEAKER_02
I don t know if this is made up if Bill is listening, but- I like when you get crazier and more famous and older.
8
SPEAKER_00
You start going, I need this, I need this shit.
8
SPEAKER_00
And the stories I hear about people on the road, and like you said, they re apologizing because they don t have my blue chips.
8
SPEAKER_00
And then you go,
8
SPEAKER_00
What went so wrong that you re this scared?
8
SPEAKER_00
And they re like, we had J-Lo or whoever, you know.
8
SPEAKER_00
J-Lo, not J-Leno.
8
SPEAKER_00
No, not J-Leno.
8
SPEAKER_00
You re not J-Lo, are you?
8
SPEAKER_02
You re the most low maintenance entertainer ever, from what I understand.
8
SPEAKER_01
Well, I try to keep- You want popcorn?
8
SPEAKER_01
Maybe, or... Popcorners?
8
SPEAKER_01
Pizza, write joke, tell joke, get joke.
8
SPEAKER_00
Dude, is that your merch?
8
SPEAKER_01
It sells, I like that.
8
SPEAKER_02
Do you have water on stage exclusive, or sometimes you have a Coca-Cola, or nothing?
8
SPEAKER_01
No, just water.
8
SPEAKER_02
You drink?
8
SPEAKER_02
Do I drink?
8
SPEAKER_00
No.
8
SPEAKER_00
Don t.
8
SPEAKER_00
I got a question.
8
SPEAKER_00
We got like... No, I got a lot more to say.
8
SPEAKER_00
Before we let Jay go, I want to ask about his cars.
8
SPEAKER_00
I m ready.
8
SPEAKER_00
What is the most... I know you don t like to talk money, but what is the...
8
SPEAKER_00
What are your top cars you have at that juicy garage?
8
SPEAKER_01
Well, a top, meaning what?
8
SPEAKER_01
You mean expensive?
8
SPEAKER_01
One that you love the most first.
8
SPEAKER_01
Well, I like them all.
8
SPEAKER_02
I want the favorite.
8
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I guess the F1 McLaren would be the one.
8
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I bought it in 98 for $800,000.
8
SPEAKER_01
People, you re out of your mind as well.
8
SPEAKER_00
I love it, I love it.
8
SPEAKER_01
It s the one thing I wanted.
8
SPEAKER_01
And the last offer I got was 20 mils.
8
SPEAKER_00
I go to Barrett-Jackson every year.
8
SPEAKER_00
Those are a little tricky because they do get you on the way in and way out.
8
SPEAKER_00
If you sell one, there s a little vig.
8
SPEAKER_00
You got to give them a little wet the beak a little bit.
8
SPEAKER_00
But it is fun to go there.
8
SPEAKER_00
And like you, like people that have an interest, I would take so many.
8
SPEAKER_00
I m jealous you have this place, you keep them because I have my dumpy garage and I live on a hill and it s just not the same as these car guys in Nebraska.
8
SPEAKER_00
It s flat, they have a big bar.
8
SPEAKER_00
It s so fun.
8
SPEAKER_00
I have a Duster, I have an old Cherokee.
8
SPEAKER_00
I just have cars I see, I think they re cool.
8
SPEAKER_00
You have the Hemi Charger.
8
SPEAKER_00
I had the Hemi, that s right, the Hemi Daytona.
8
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I sold it and then people said it was crazy, they just sold it for more.
8
SPEAKER_00
I sold it to another guy and then it just, over time they just go up, they can t help it.
8
SPEAKER_00
And people don t realize that they were at the last Bear Jackson going up so much higher than I would guess.
8
SPEAKER_00
It was a noticeable jump, like crazy where you go, this is, I don t know how they re, you know, it ll go up, it ll take longer, but they ll go up.
8
SPEAKER_00
Well, it s a good way to launder money too.
8
SPEAKER_00
Is that what they do?
8
SPEAKER_01
I m a cartel guy.
8
SPEAKER_01
I buy a car for 300,000.
8
SPEAKER_01
I sell it to another.
9
SPEAKER_01
cartel guy for $800,000, he now has profit he can declare as income.
9
SPEAKER_01
See, I have profit.
9
SPEAKER_01
And then the next guy sells at a loss for $200,000, oh, I took a loss.
9
SPEAKER_01
So, I mean, it s a good way to hide money.
9
SPEAKER_01
I don t do that.
9
SPEAKER_02
You told me once, just casually, that it s about the story.
9
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, if a car s got a good story, yeah, that s true.
9
SPEAKER_02
Because I have a friend who collects antique bottles and digs them out of the Sierra Nevadas, and he s completely connected to that prospector or those people.
9
SPEAKER_02
So you get a Studebaker or some, or a family car, it s emotional, right?
9
SPEAKER_02
Because you re connecting to the family that took that trip or whatever.
9
SPEAKER_00
Oh, yeah, yeah.
9
SPEAKER_00
That makes sense to me.
9
SPEAKER_00
Or who owned it.
9
SPEAKER_00
I mean, sometimes, or it has a story.
9
SPEAKER_01
Well, I mean, my favorite, I had a Hudson Hornet.
9
SPEAKER_01
53, so this woman calls me 94 years old, she s got a 51 Hudson Hornet, her husband bought it new in New Jersey, they drove out to California with their kids, it s the only car they ever had, he died in 96, this is back in 2005, and it s been sitting from 96 to 2005.
9
SPEAKER_01
when I buy it, I go, why don t we need, so I go out, and it s not bad, it s got four flat tires, and it s just been sitting.
9
SPEAKER_01
So I said, I ll give you, what do you want?
9
SPEAKER_01
She goes, $5,000.
9
SPEAKER_01
I said, all right, I ll give you $5,000.
9
SPEAKER_01
So I buy her $5,000, take her back to the garage, takes me about a year and a half, I get her all stored.
9
SPEAKER_01
I said, let me call her up, see, now she s 96, okay?
9
SPEAKER_01
So I said, hey, I got the car, do you wanna go for a ride?
9
SPEAKER_01
Oh, I love the car, I gotta get my hair done.
9
SPEAKER_01
This one was 96, no hearing and no glasses.
9
SPEAKER_01
I said, okay, I ll come.
9
SPEAKER_01
And she goes, can the kids come?
9
SPEAKER_01
I said, yeah, well, the kids are 72 and 74.
9
SPEAKER_01
So I drive out to the place in the car and they ve got her blindfolded in the driveway waiting for me.
9
SPEAKER_01
And she s like the elephant in the blind man touching the car.
9
SPEAKER_01
And I would take the blindfold, oh, it s beautiful, you can go for it.
9
SPEAKER_01
Okay, the kid s getting in the back.
9
SPEAKER_01
Okay, kid s getting in the back.
9
SPEAKER_01
So the kid s getting in the back.
9
SPEAKER_01
And we re driving, we re talking, you know.
9
SPEAKER_01
Meanwhile, the 72-year-old, the same people start poking each other like this, you know.
9
SPEAKER_01
And the mother goes, hey, hey, I told you.
9
SPEAKER_01
And turns out starts whacking the crap out of him.
9
SPEAKER_01
Just smashing him in the face with, I told you he was miscellaneous.
9
SPEAKER_01
And the three of them are just laughing, having the time of their life.
9
SPEAKER_01
She died at 106.
9
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, and it was just a great story.
9
SPEAKER_01
I mean, every time I drive that car, I think of those, that 72 year old and the same four year old poking each other like this, you know, in the backseat.
9
SPEAKER_01
She s turning around, just whacking us.
9
SPEAKER_01
Oh, and then the two kids told me that when they were in high school, they were so ashamed their dad had this old car.
9
SPEAKER_01
that they would have them drop them off like three blocks from school and they d walk the rest of the way, because they didn t want to be seen in this old car.
9
SPEAKER_01
And of course now it s a classic, you know, all that kind of stuff.
9
SPEAKER_01
So, I mean, that makes for a great story.
9
SPEAKER_00
Sure.
9
SPEAKER_00
Some of those, and the movie cars go for a lot.
9
SPEAKER_00
That Steve Martin, I mean, a Steve McQueen bullet Mustang.
9
SPEAKER_00
I think that went for 5 million and that was like- No, that went for a 3.7.
9
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah.
9
SPEAKER_01
I drove that car.
9
SPEAKER_01
It was the most beat to crap old Mustang.
9
SPEAKER_01
And being a stunt car, it had holes cut in the floor for cameras and all that kind of stuff.
9
SPEAKER_01
It really wasn t worth a whole lot.
9
SPEAKER_01
I mean, that s a car that is worth a lot because
9
SPEAKER_01
It would have gone for 5 million if they d sold it a year earlier on the 50th anniversary of the movie.
9
SPEAKER_01
Because anybody who can afford that car is probably going to be in their late 60s, early 70s.
9
SPEAKER_01
And now they re going to be 80.
9
SPEAKER_01
Now kids don t even know the movie anymore.
9
SPEAKER_01
So it s a whole different thing.
9
SPEAKER_01
There are certain things that
9
SPEAKER_01
fit in certain time, you know.
9
SPEAKER_01
And if they can prove it, have to prove that it is what it s supposed to be.
9
SPEAKER_01
Oh, that was the real one, yeah, that was the real one.
9
SPEAKER_01
It s like DeLorean, it s a terrible car, but because of the movie, Back to the Future, you know.
9
SPEAKER_02
And you have motorcycles, so do you have a favorite between the cars and motorcycles, or no?
9
SPEAKER_01
I like them both.
9
SPEAKER_02
It really hurts when you fall off a motorcycle.
9
SPEAKER_01
It s like, Jesus.
9
SPEAKER_02
How are these other injuries right now for you?
9
SPEAKER_01
I mean- Well, I still have the broken collarbone and two broken ribs.
9
SPEAKER_01
Or is it just set all the time or what do you- As long as I don t sneeze or cough, I m okay.
9
SPEAKER_01
And it ll just heal over time.
9
SPEAKER_01
I hope so.
9
SPEAKER_01
It s only been three, four weeks.
9
SPEAKER_01
Well, it s been a month since the motorcycle- How do you sleep then, just on your back?
9
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, you just sleep on your back.
9
SPEAKER_01
You just kind of stare at the ceiling.
9
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, that s kind of tricky.
9
SPEAKER_01
I sleep for like two hours and I get up for two hours.
9
SPEAKER_01
And then I ll read until I get so tired and fall asleep.
9
SPEAKER_01
And that s pretty sound for a couple of hours.
9
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
9
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I went to bed.
9
SPEAKER_02
The crack kneecaps, how are they?
9
SPEAKER_02
I mean, cause you re going to stand on stage for.
9
SPEAKER_01
Standing is easy.
9
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
9
SPEAKER_01
You know, that s fine.
9
SPEAKER_01
You know, I was doing two nineties back to back the last couple of weeks and it was okay.
9
SPEAKER_01
Except later when you.
9
SPEAKER_01
and then when you kind of need to sit down.
9
SPEAKER_00
Two 90s.
9
SPEAKER_00
Two 90s.
9
SPEAKER_00
Oh, I got it.
9
SPEAKER_00
I don t think people at home understood it.
9
SPEAKER_02
And so are you a lefty or you keep the mic in the stand mostly or?
9
SPEAKER_02
No, I m left handed.
9
SPEAKER_02
So then you just use that.
9
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah.
9
SPEAKER_01
Well, I still use it.
9
SPEAKER_01
It s okay.
9
SPEAKER_01
It s not bad.
9
SPEAKER_01
It s not too bad.
9
SPEAKER_00
Is that scary?
9
SPEAKER_00
Like at certain point, I think you could always use a stool.
9
SPEAKER_00
I could use a stool.
9
SPEAKER_00
I mean, you can do stand up for pretty much longer than any other job.
9
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I don t use a stool and I don t do old jokes only because, and now you ve put it in the audience s mind that you re old.
9
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
9
SPEAKER_01
You know, so I just try to avoid the, you know, can t pee jokes and all this kind of stuff.
9
SPEAKER_01
So you just try to keep it.
9
SPEAKER_01
I don t talk about young things either.
9
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I always used to love, you know, Shanley and I used to make me laugh.
9
SPEAKER_01
I m seeing this chick now, Gary, how old are you?
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How old is this girl?
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You know, that used to make me laugh.
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Yeah, there s a certain point they don t want to hear sex jokes from.
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I keep seeing the child in 40.
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You know, when you re 26 and you use the word pussy, they re like, ooh, he said pussy, ooh, a giggle.
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When you re 40, ooh, that old guy said, you know.
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Anything else for Jay?
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What do you got, Dana?
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Because I feel like...
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I can t watch him wince in pain anymore.
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No, you were pretty good.
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You didn t cancel, it was very nice of you.
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SPEAKER_00
No, I don t cancel.
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Doesn t even, you know, that s a big thing about comics.
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I go to the comedy store, oh, you wanna go up next?
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These two canceled.
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SPEAKER_00
And every night I go, who s canceling?
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Like, show up for your goddamn gig.
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SPEAKER_00
I know, what else do you have?
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SPEAKER_00
I hate canceling anything.
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SPEAKER_00
What else do you have to do?
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SPEAKER_00
Well, if one person came down to see you, like it s like when I do the road, I got sick on the road and my voice is going out and I go,
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I ll try it.
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I told the crowd, I go, hey, I didn t want to cancel.
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You re all here.
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SPEAKER_00
It s packed.
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And I said, if everyone just, we crank up the mic a little bit and nobody laughs for an hour, we can get through this.
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No one lasts for an hour, do you get that part?
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SPEAKER_02
That s funny.
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SPEAKER_02
No one lasts for an hour, and you get to it.
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah, but I always tell comics, somebody s always seen you for the first time.
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
I remember once I had an audition for Harrah s at the comedy store.
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Harrah s, I love it.
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Yeah, and they came in to see me, and I didn t get it.
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I go, why?
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I was clean.
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SPEAKER_01
Well, you can t work our club with jeans.
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SPEAKER_01
With jeans?
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SPEAKER_01
Well, I can put on something.
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He goes, well, we came to see you do what you do at our club.
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I said, okay, can you come back?
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Yeah, we ll come.
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So I put a suit on and went back and I got the job.
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So when you got dinged, whatever, like things didn t work or bombing at clubs, it seems to me you d have a lot of resilience or things you d say to yourself, or was it, I mean, because I got hurt when I bombed auditioning for SNL and I followed Kennison in 83 at the Comedy Store.
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A horrible bomb.
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And I go, oh, that was my shot.
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So I was kind of, I mean, I was functional, but I was down for a couple of months.
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I m a huge believer in low self-esteem.
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SPEAKER_01
No, it s the key.
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SPEAKER_01
It s a good line, I agree.
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SPEAKER_01
No, it is, it s the key to success.
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SPEAKER_01
Because if you don t think you re the smartest person there.
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You re always trying.
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SPEAKER_01
Oh, yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
I mean, if I see some, I mean, I know so many comics.
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SPEAKER_01
The bit worked in Denver two years ago, and they ve been doing it ever since.
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SPEAKER_01
And then they ll go, no, I did this in Denver.
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SPEAKER_01
I know, it only worked once.
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SPEAKER_01
I ve seen you do it five, it doesn t work anymore.
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SPEAKER_01
Get rid of it.
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SPEAKER_01
They cannot get rid of material.
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SPEAKER_01
Throw out everything that s not funny.
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SPEAKER_01
You know, that s why I followed Pryor every night.
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SPEAKER_01
And when Richie was, I mean, we called him Richie Pryor.
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SPEAKER_00
Oh, fuck, how crazy, Richard Pryor.
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah, and he was great.
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SPEAKER_01
I mean, he was the best, really funny.
9
SPEAKER_01
And I said to Mitzi, can I go on after Pryor here tonight?
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SPEAKER_01
And she said, yeah, because nobody wanted the spot.
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SPEAKER_01
And I realized I didn t have 45 minutes.
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I had 18 minutes.
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but it was the tightest 18 minutes, because this audience had been listening to prior, and there was just boo, boo.
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So I just did the funniest stuff I had, and I threw everything else away.
9
SPEAKER_01
And you just have to have that discipline to do that.
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SPEAKER_01
I mean, so many guys go up and they just screw around.
9
SPEAKER_01
You re there to work.
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SPEAKER_01
You have 20 minutes, work.
9
SPEAKER_01
Come up with stuff, try new material, make it tighter, throw out every word that s not funny, and just tighten it up.
9
SPEAKER_02
Okay, I have an idea for you.
9
SPEAKER_02
One of our sponsors is Masterclass.
9
SPEAKER_02
Master s class, and Steve Martin s done one, people have done one, but you have a very specific point of view that s really, really, would help people have talent and discipline.
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SPEAKER_02
Well, yeah, I mean, to me, Seinfeld and I have this discussion all the time.
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It s an art form.
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SPEAKER_01
be a specific, tight, you re not up there to screw, I know so many, they just get up and they screw around, and they think that that s funny.
10
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I gotta laugh, yeah, but you had this two minute, every six to nine seconds, you should get a laugh.
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SPEAKER_01
I love that.
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SPEAKER_01
That s about right.
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SPEAKER_01
Wouldn t you say?
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SPEAKER_01
What are you thinking about?
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SPEAKER_01
I would say, yeah, you should, yeah, like six laughs a minute or more.
10
SPEAKER_01
But you re getting a laugh every six to nine seconds because maybe it s not a joke, but it s a funny impression or it s a funny manner.
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SPEAKER_01
No, I wanted to roll.
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SPEAKER_02
I came from watching Robin Williams and he was the one like would do his thing and come back to San Francisco.
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SPEAKER_02
I thought I have work to do.
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SPEAKER_02
Right, yeah.
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SPEAKER_02
So I kept going, if that is the standard, I have a lot more work to do.
10
SPEAKER_02
Right, exactly.
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SPEAKER_02
Yeah, that s all.
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SPEAKER_00
It s amazing how lazy people are.
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SPEAKER_00
When I started in Arizona, there was a...
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And I said to Colin Quinn, I go, I started and there s no comedy scene.
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SPEAKER_00
He goes, is there one now?
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SPEAKER_00
I go, oh, I guess not really.
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SPEAKER_00
But in Arizona, you know, no one was doing standup when I started.
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SPEAKER_00
So you had to really want to do it because I think now it s kind of cooler.
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SPEAKER_00
It s a bigger deal.
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SPEAKER_00
You see people playing theaters, arenas.
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SPEAKER_00
So more people gravitate to that and they just do whatever.
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SPEAKER_01
I always remember a comic said to me, he said, well, you and Seinfeld, you guys are lucky.
10
SPEAKER_01
You started during the golden age of comedy when everything was funny.
10
SPEAKER_01
That s no golden age of comedy.
10
SPEAKER_02
Shut up, idiot.
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SPEAKER_02
Yeah, as if anybody has a free pass.
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SPEAKER_02
You and Seinfeld rose up because you were killing.
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SPEAKER_02
It had to be good.
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SPEAKER_02
And influencing other comics.
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SPEAKER_01
Well, you try to keep it tight.
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SPEAKER_01
You know, I just, yeah, I don t, the people don t really work at it.
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SPEAKER_01
I don t, I don t, why are you in this, you know?
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SPEAKER_01
It s the most important thing.
10
SPEAKER_02
It s the only thing you do all day.
10
SPEAKER_02
There s something very painful, I think, about getting with your notes.
10
SPEAKER_02
It s not painful for Jerry, but getting with your notes and doing the icky part, the college essay part of a bit that you like that s not working.
10
SPEAKER_02
Jerry, he s like you, he s like, if a joke stops working, check the setup.
10
SPEAKER_02
Because sometimes you lose the thread of it, one word s off and the whole thing unravels.
10
SPEAKER_02
So there is a lot, a lot of science.
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SPEAKER_00
It s not a part-time job.
10
SPEAKER_00
If that s your job, you think about it in the day, you think about, you observe things, you try to scroll things down.
10
SPEAKER_00
You get into it, I was obsessed with it.
10
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I always say, if I have any problems,
10
SPEAKER_01
I take care of them before I go on stage.
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SPEAKER_01
Even if I m right, I apologize to the other person I m angry with, because I don t need that in my head as I m working.
10
SPEAKER_01
You just want to be able to, there s nothing else more important.
10
SPEAKER_00
And be in a good mood.
10
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, exactly.
10
SPEAKER_02
The last thing I say to myself before I go out there is remember to have fun.
10
SPEAKER_02
Just remember this should be fun, and that ll help the audience too.
10
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I agree.
10
SPEAKER_02
Sometimes I m out there, I go, why am I not having fun?
10
SPEAKER_02
Forgot, I forgot to have fun.
10
SPEAKER_02
Think of it like torture.
10
SPEAKER_02
Well, Jay Leno, we re going to take a 20 minute break.
10
SPEAKER_00
Jay s like, what?
10
SPEAKER_00
No, we re done.
10
SPEAKER_00
This is where we say nice things.
10
SPEAKER_02
There s only been a few people that have done a talk show for that number of years and done it at a high level.
10
SPEAKER_02
I guess you did a total quarter century.
10
SPEAKER_02
22 years.
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SPEAKER_01
22 years.
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SPEAKER_02
40, 50 years of a standup and you re still out there and you re vibrant and- I was always a standup.
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SPEAKER_01
TV was always a- I know, that was great.
10
SPEAKER_01
The thing about it that you just, you saved- I mean, I can t imagine like people come out here
10
SPEAKER_01
they got on a sitcom for 13 weeks, the sitcom had canceled, and then you re back to being a waiter again.
10
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God, I can t, you know, at least at standup, you could always hustle a buck somewhere.
10
SPEAKER_01
It s its own lane.
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SPEAKER_01
It s completely separate.
10
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I mean, when I was in Boston, I would go into bars, and they didn t do comedy, it was like, stop, you war machine man, it was just kind of, you know.
10
SPEAKER_01
And I would put 50 bucks on the bar, and I d say to the bartender, let me go on and tell jokes.
10
SPEAKER_01
If I get a laugh, give me the 50 back.
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SPEAKER_01
If I don t get a laugh, you keep the 50.
10
SPEAKER_01
And that cost me about $450.
10
SPEAKER_00
It did, it did.
10
SPEAKER_01
That s why you lived in the storage room.
10
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, but eventually, eventually they would go, no, it s okay, that s okay, here s your money back.
10
SPEAKER_01
And then, okay, now I got comedy in there.
10
SPEAKER_01
Okay, thank you.
10
SPEAKER_01
And then you go back and you d emcee before you introduce the folks.
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SPEAKER_01
I played delicatessens.
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SPEAKER_02
And all chips around me and stuff.
10
SPEAKER_00
A lot of places in Arizona, you do those one nighters, 20 bucks, if they gave you anything.
10
SPEAKER_00
You go, you do a set.
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SPEAKER_00
And then Thursdays with the NFL club, Seekers, Chuckles, you know.
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SPEAKER_01
I did a corporatist.
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SPEAKER_01
Bob Johnson, director of sales.
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SPEAKER_01
This is so stupid.
10
SPEAKER_01
This guy had invented this product called Freshen.
10
SPEAKER_01
They were called soft, moist towelettes you use after defecating to avoid embarrassing rectal odor.
10
SPEAKER_01
It was a big, it was a wet roll of toilet paper that you stuck on the wall next to toilet paper to swipe your ass with, you know.
10
SPEAKER_01
So he brings me and he sees me, he goes, listen, I want you to be, you ll be Bob Johns, my director of sales.
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SPEAKER_01
I got like 50 Liggett Rexall distributors.
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SPEAKER_01
So I m going to talk about the product.
10
SPEAKER_01
I ll bring you on.
10
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
10
SPEAKER_01
So I go up there and I, this guy s selling, he s talking about the product, you know, and you see that the Rexall deals are like,
10
SPEAKER_01
They re all squirming.
10
SPEAKER_01
He goes, take some home, try it on your own family.
10
SPEAKER_01
Nobody s volunteering to take, you know.
10
SPEAKER_01
So they go, wait, before you make your mind, let me bring on Bob, my director of sales.
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SPEAKER_01
Bob, come on up here.
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SPEAKER_01
So I go up there and I do my, I m getting nothing, just nothing, you know?
10
SPEAKER_01
And then I end, and he goes, that was not Bob Johnson, of course, but Jay Leno, a professional comedian.
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SPEAKER_01
And I hear the audience go, professional comedian.
10
SPEAKER_01
They re all really angry, right?
10
SPEAKER_01
So now people are starting to leave.
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SPEAKER_01
He goes, don t leave, please.
10
SPEAKER_01
Take the sample home, please try it.
10
SPEAKER_01
And then he starts crying.
10
SPEAKER_01
And then he goes, look, I got like 50 grand invested, just try it, just try it, take it, and nobody s taking it, you know.
10
SPEAKER_01
So I m writing, I said, can I get paid?
10
SPEAKER_01
No, no, you don t get paid.
10
SPEAKER_01
If you want to get paid, it takes, so I left with like 10 freshened things.
10
SPEAKER_01
And the guy s crying?
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SPEAKER_01
And the guy s crying, yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
Because yeah, he lost his shirt on this deal.
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SPEAKER_01
But I just remember that going, that was not, of course, Bob Johnson, but Jay Leno, professional.
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SPEAKER_00
Let s everyone know.
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SPEAKER_00
It s your business.
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SPEAKER_00
The unfunny guy you just saw.
10
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
Oh, come on.
10
SPEAKER_00
Well, thank you, Jay.
10
SPEAKER_00
Thank you, Jay.
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SPEAKER_00
Thank you, gentlemen.
10
SPEAKER_00
Appreciate you guys.
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SPEAKER_00
Thank you.
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SPEAKER_00
This has been a podcast presentation of Cadence 13.
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SPEAKER_00
Please listen, then rate, review, and follow all episodes.
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SPEAKER_00
Available now for free wherever you get your podcasts.
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SPEAKER_00
No joke, folks.
10
SPEAKER_02
Fly on the Wall has been a presentation of Cadence 13, executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Chris Corcoran of Cadence 13, and Charlie Finan of Brillstein Entertainment.
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SPEAKER_00
The show s lead producer is Greg Holtzman with production and engineering support from Serena Regan and Chris Basil of Cadence 13.