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SPEAKER_00
Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous.
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I m Buck Rogers and I m joined by Lily Zappa.
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Halloween.
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SPEAKER_00
Halloween.
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We love festive episodes.
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We love Halloween.
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SPEAKER_00
Yes.
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SPEAKER_00
I went to the hayride last night.
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The haunted hayride.
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SPEAKER_00
You did?
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Yes, yes.
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SPEAKER_02
And with Fred?
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Fred, yeah.
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Fred and Ricky.
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Fun.
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Yes, it was really fun.
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They ve changed it.
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SPEAKER_00
Oh.
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You don t go by the old animal enclosures anymore, which I found to be particularly and uniquely freaky.
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Okay.
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To see abandoned.
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Yeah.
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Cause it used to go to the LA zoo.
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That wasn t a part of it anymore.
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You didn t pay for that.
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Now they had new exciting stuff.
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And, uh, it was fun.
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Cause Fred and I talked nonsense the entire time.
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SPEAKER_02
Did they listen, did it get back around to the creators?
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SPEAKER_00
There were no plants.
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SPEAKER_00
No, but we made a point to remind everyone that that was Fred s idea and that mine was a blood bag.
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Yeah.
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This prompt fittingly was tell us a time something crazy happened on Halloween.
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SPEAKER_02
Oh, these are great.
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SPEAKER_00
Yes.
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SPEAKER_00
There s maybe one that you shouldn t listen to.
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SPEAKER_02
Yeah, but I,
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You can.
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SPEAKER_00
Oh, the burp?
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SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
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I love the burp.
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That s my favorite one for sure.
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It s not as bad as some of the others you can t listen to.
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Here s the thing.
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Just don t be consuming any clear Pepsi.
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SPEAKER_00
No, anything that has a consistency of what?
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SPEAKER_00
Soup?
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SPEAKER_00
A clear soup, yeah.
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SPEAKER_02
Just maybe just don t eat.
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If you re eating, eat a hamburger or a hoagie or open-faced sandwich, meatball sandwich.
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The third story, just put your food down.
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Yeah, don t be eating anything.
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But it s a wonderful story.
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SPEAKER_00
It s so good.
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Oh, I loved it.
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SPEAKER_00
Please enjoy, oh.
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SPEAKER_02
Wait, I wanna give a quick update because we re in Armchair Anonymous land.
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SPEAKER_02
A major story that we said you couldn t listen to was in waxing, pretty much that whole episode.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah.
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SPEAKER_02
And I m getting a wax today.
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SPEAKER_00
Oh my gosh.
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SPEAKER_02
My first one since that episode.
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You ve just now got your confidence back.
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Courage up.
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SPEAKER_00
Courage, that s the right word.
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But I m really anxious.
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You feel jinxed by hearing those other stories.
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SPEAKER_00
Yes, yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
Oh wow, well good luck to you.
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SPEAKER_02
Thank you, I ll report back.
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SPEAKER_00
If you come in in a diaper tomorrow, I guess we ll know how it went.
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SPEAKER_02
Oh God.
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SPEAKER_02
Okay.
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SPEAKER_00
All right.
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SPEAKER_00
Good night.
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SPEAKER_02
Happy Halloween.
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SPEAKER_02
Hi, Allison.
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SPEAKER_02
Where are you?
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SPEAKER_02
I m based in Madison, Wisconsin.
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Oh my goodness, I don t think we ve ever spoken with anyone from Madison.
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I m happy to be the first.
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SPEAKER_00
Is Madison the state capital?
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SPEAKER_02
It is.
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SPEAKER_02
Yes.
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SPEAKER_02
It s fun to be from a state capital.
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SPEAKER_00
I think so.
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SPEAKER_02
Oh, we all not wrong.
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SPEAKER_00
I m not from a state capital.
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SPEAKER_02
Lansing s our state capital.
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SPEAKER_00
Oh yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
Is Atlanta the state capital?
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SPEAKER_00
Yes.
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SPEAKER_00
Oh.
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SPEAKER_00
And then Lincoln, Illinois is right?
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SPEAKER_00
Springfield.
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SPEAKER_00
Springfield.
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SPEAKER_00
Okay.
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SPEAKER_00
Sorry.
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SPEAKER_02
Only me and you.
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SPEAKER_00
And does your Halloween story take place in Wisconsin?
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SPEAKER_01
It s in Wisconsin, just not in Madison.
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SPEAKER_01
It was during college.
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I went to UW-Eau Claire.
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Okay.
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Tell us what happened.
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When I was in college, I was part of an organization that did some charity work for various places around town.
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And we had the opportunity on Halloween to staff a haunted forest that was kind of deep in the woods of Eau Claire.
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So I didn t really know what I was getting into, but it was a very interesting experience.
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I went and there was this big mansion kind of in the woods.
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I want to go to a haunted forest.
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SPEAKER_00
That sounds really fun.
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SPEAKER_01
It s very festive.
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If you like being spooked, it s a great place to go.
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They brought us in and they kind of gave us our stations, got us set up.
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And I was supposed to be on the trail somewhere.
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They set me up with clothing, like, you know, kind of the burlap and flannel and the mask, dark clothing.
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I guess I stupidly assume, without any reason to think this, that when I m at those places, these are people who love getting dressed up like goblins and scaring people.
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Normally, yes.
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That s what I would think.
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But then talking to you, Allison, it s not a match with your just aura.
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That s because this is for charity.
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SPEAKER_00
Well, you know, it s even crazier.
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I m not a horror person, but it was an interesting experience.
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I think the proceeds went to charity, which is why I kind of got pulled into it.
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But I think typically that s staffed by those folks who do like that sort of thing.
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So anyways, they drag us out and they put us along the trail and everyone s kind of in various spots.
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They told me to lay on the ground and kind of cover myself in leaves.
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And then as people walk by to kind of jump out and grab at them or yell at them or something like that.
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Big reset.
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If you got to cover yourself back up with leaves after every time.
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I would have just gone to sleep.
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I already know.
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SPEAKER_00
I already know what I would have done in this situation is I would have done it a couple times and then just laid down because I m too lazy.
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SPEAKER_01
To be fair, after a while, I was not at the beginning of the trail, so people kind of get used to things jumping out and it loses the effect.
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SPEAKER_01
So I wasn t really feeling it, but I was giving it my all.
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SPEAKER_01
So at one point in the night, it was probably a couple of hours in, there was a group of college-age guys that come through.
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SPEAKER_01
And I m laying there and kind of waiting for the right moment to just jump out and grab at them.
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SPEAKER_01
For some reason, when I jumped out at this group of guys, one guy must have gotten really freaked out and he just kicked me right in the ribs and knocked the wind out of me.
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SPEAKER_01
I was masked, so I don t think he knew that I was a female or even a person.
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SPEAKER_02
animatronic.
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah, exactly.
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SPEAKER_01
So I just started moving and kind of moaning because I couldn t say anything.
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SPEAKER_01
And he realized that I was actually a person and a female also.
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SPEAKER_01
So I felt immediately bad, but I couldn t really say anything to him because I couldn t talk.
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SPEAKER_01
And so I was just sort of wheezing like, just go, just go, just go.
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SPEAKER_00
I got someone else to scare in a minute.
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Get out of here.
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SPEAKER_00
I got to cover myself with these leaves.
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SPEAKER_00
It takes me 12 minutes to reset.
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SPEAKER_01
Exactly.
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SPEAKER_01
So, he kind of carried on his merry way.
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SPEAKER_01
I was pretty injured.
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I ended up having a bruise on my rib for probably about a month after that.
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SPEAKER_02
Oh, no.
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SPEAKER_01
I never went back.
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I will not do a haunted forest again.
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SPEAKER_01
Oh, my God.
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SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_02
This is what I figured happens to some of these characters.
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SPEAKER_00
Scare actors.
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SPEAKER_00
You didn t know that term the last time we argued about this.
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SPEAKER_00
No, you did.
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SPEAKER_02
I learned it at the with David.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
With David.
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SPEAKER_00
I ve never heard you say scare actors before.
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SPEAKER_02
We ll have to fact check it because I do know.
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SPEAKER_00
Okay.
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SPEAKER_00
So Monica and I have varying feelings about this and hypotheses.
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Right about this characters.
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Yes They re only called that at Universal Horror Nights They called their actors characters and I get nervous for them because they do get punched and stuff, but it s also on them Well, it s a two-way street though Allison because I always think there s liability flying around in both directions Like if you own one of these and let s say you got kicked then you punch the guy back If I got kicked in the ribs, I I m afraid to think I would have attacked
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SPEAKER_00
You would have?
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SPEAKER_00
Yes, if some guy just kicked me in the- I d be like- But you scared them.
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SPEAKER_00
No, no, and in fact, and I don t want to reframe this for you because you seem to have a great- Attitude about it.
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SPEAKER_00
Yes.
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SPEAKER_00
It s too late in the experience for someone to have that reaction.
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SPEAKER_00
It s a bunch of dickhead college boys.
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SPEAKER_00
And one of them s like, I m going to fucking, I m going to kick the next one that comes out because you feel justified.
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SPEAKER_00
And you know, you can say as an excuse, I was scared.
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SPEAKER_02
I don t think these college guys want to say they re scared.
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SPEAKER_02
I think he was scared.
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SPEAKER_00
No, you can say you re scared.
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SPEAKER_00
Like next time one of these guys pops up, I m going to fucking kick them.
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SPEAKER_00
This is things boys would do.
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SPEAKER_00
I m going to kick him and then when he raises shit, I m going to go, I got scared.
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SPEAKER_00
This was like guaranteed because if it didn t happen at the beginning, yeah, I buy that he was scared.
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SPEAKER_00
But you said you were deep in there, right?
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SPEAKER_01
I was deep in there.
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SPEAKER_02
I just went through all these haunted houses, still scary at the end.
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I still don t even think anyone s reaction to being scared is to kick to begin with.
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I think it was premeditated.
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I go back and forth because I couldn t talk to the guy.
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SPEAKER_01
He seemed sufficiently sorry, but I kind of think he was probably just a drunk frat guy who was being an ass.
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And I think he was sorry once he realized it was a woman.
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I think in his mind, he was going to kick a random guy and he could have lived with that just fine.
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Oh my God.
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Or a machine and not feel bad about it, but it s still vandalism.
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SPEAKER_00
Yes.
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SPEAKER_00
Well, young boys like to vandalize.
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SPEAKER_00
That s part of the problem.
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SPEAKER_00
So you re on the fence.
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SPEAKER_00
You re somewhere between Monica and I?
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I am.
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I think if push came to shove, I d probably lean to the vandalism side of things, but I m trying to give the guy the benefit of the doubt.
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SPEAKER_01
Okay.
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SPEAKER_00
Wow.
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SPEAKER_00
Again, it s just very late in the experience.
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SPEAKER_00
Now, when you reported this to the management of the attraction, what was their reaction?
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SPEAKER_00
Tough titties?
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SPEAKER_01
I didn t.
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SPEAKER_01
I just kind of kept it to myself and I kept on going for the rest of the night.
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SPEAKER_01
Oh my God, you kept scaring?
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SPEAKER_01
It was for charity.
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SPEAKER_01
Oh my God.
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SPEAKER_01
There weren t like damages to seek out.
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SPEAKER_01
So I just kind of sucked it up.
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SPEAKER_01
And it s a very Midwestern approach probably to just suck it up and go on with the night.
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SPEAKER_00
Did it alter how aggressively you were leaping at people and grabbing them?
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SPEAKER_00
I imagine it would have toned down.
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
I think my effort level decreased significantly for the rest of the night.
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SPEAKER_01
And then I never went back after that.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
After that, I m like, ah, like when they walk by, like, ah, all right.
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SPEAKER_00
Hi, I m coming.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
The moaning was real.
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SPEAKER_02
Oh, Alison.
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SPEAKER_02
I m so sorry that happened to you.
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SPEAKER_02
Has it ever crossed your mind to go into one of these haunted forests and just get even and kick some random just to pay it forward?
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SPEAKER_00
Knowing how much it hurts.
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SPEAKER_00
No, no, not in my nature.
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SPEAKER_00
Well, and I tend to avoid them at all costs because like I said, I don t like being scared.
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SPEAKER_00
So.
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SPEAKER_00
It was not the place for me.
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SPEAKER_00
Well, you live and you learn.
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SPEAKER_02
Well, I m glad you made it out of that forest.
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SPEAKER_02
This is as bad as it can go if you volunteer to help.
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SPEAKER_00
For charity.
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SPEAKER_02
I know.
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SPEAKER_02
We re not even sure what the charity was, but it was for charity.
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SPEAKER_02
I know.
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SPEAKER_00
I can t even remember, but the silver lining is that I get to share the story now.
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SPEAKER_02
Well, it s so lovely to meet you.
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SPEAKER_02
Thank you for sharing that story.
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SPEAKER_02
And I m so sorry to hear you were kicked by a strange frat guy.
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SPEAKER_02
That s a real bummer.
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SPEAKER_00
Thank you for having me.
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SPEAKER_02
Our pleasure.
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SPEAKER_00
Have a great day.
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SPEAKER_00
You too.
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SPEAKER_02
Keep thinking these are all going to be meet-cutes and that she s going to end up with the guy that kicked her.
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SPEAKER_01
Oh, I wish!
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SPEAKER_01
That would have been so cute.
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SPEAKER_02
That should be another prompt.
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SPEAKER_02
Fell in love with an attacker.
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SPEAKER_02
Tell us about the time you had Stockholm Syndrome.
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SPEAKER_02
Hi!
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SPEAKER_02
Hi, how do I pronounce your name?
1
SPEAKER_01
Ines.
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SPEAKER_02
Where are you at other than a sloped attic space like we are?
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SPEAKER_01
I m in Sweden.
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SPEAKER_01
Wow.
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SPEAKER_01
Are you Swedish?
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SPEAKER_01
No, actually I m from Spain.
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SPEAKER_02
Oh my.
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SPEAKER_01
I m living in Sweden now.
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
We love international.
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SPEAKER_01
Yes.
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SPEAKER_01
Global listenership.
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SPEAKER_01
For sure global listener here.
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SPEAKER_02
And what are you doing in Sweden?
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SPEAKER_02
And is it getting dark at noon there now?
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SPEAKER_01
It s getting dark quite early now.
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SPEAKER_01
And I m working here.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m a dancer.
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SPEAKER_02
You re a dancer.
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SPEAKER_02
Oh my God.
1
SPEAKER_02
Wonderful.
1
SPEAKER_02
Have you heard our show in Spanish yet?
1
SPEAKER_01
No, but I heard you guys talking about it and I want to try.
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SPEAKER_01
You ll have to report back.
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SPEAKER_01
Tell us.
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SPEAKER_02
Yeah, we want to know.
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I m curious.
1
SPEAKER_02
So interesting right out of the gates, I would say, I don t even know that people in Spain celebrate Halloween.
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SPEAKER_02
I m just going to own my ignorance.
1
SPEAKER_01
No, that s completely right now.
1
SPEAKER_01
Globalization people are starting to like Americanize it, but my story takes place in the States.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, great.
1
SPEAKER_02
You just pop all around.
1
SPEAKER_02
Bunny rabbit hopping all around the globe.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, actually, I was living in Kentucky and we had just moved like two months ago.
1
SPEAKER_01
So we were really new.
1
SPEAKER_01
It was my first time living in an English speaking country, so I didn t really speak English.
1
SPEAKER_01
And Halloween was coming around the corner.
1
SPEAKER_01
which was very exciting, because in all the movies, Halloween is such an American thing.
1
SPEAKER_01
As you said, Dag, not really a thing in Spain back then.
1
SPEAKER_01
I d never been trick-or-treating.
1
SPEAKER_01
I d never cowered to a pumpkin.
1
SPEAKER_01
None of it.
1
SPEAKER_02
How old were you at this time?
1
10.
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SPEAKER_01
Oh.
1
SPEAKER_02
OK.
1
SPEAKER_01
So really prime age for the whole thing.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_01
So very exciting.
1
SPEAKER_01
But I didn t really have any friends yet.
1
SPEAKER_01
I didn t really speak English.
1
SPEAKER_01
But my mom, being a mom, she was on a mission.
1
SPEAKER_01
And somehow she had a friend.
1
SPEAKER_01
I don t know how she had a friend because her English was worse than mine, but she had a friend that she d made and her friend had a daughter who apparently was my age.
1
SPEAKER_01
The moms decided, okay, they ll go trick-or-treating together.
1
SPEAKER_01
She ll make a friend, meaning me.
1
SPEAKER_01
The other girl probably had plenty of friends and was forced into it.
1
SPEAKER_01
And so we re like, okay, great.
1
SPEAKER_01
So I get dressed up.
1
SPEAKER_01
What were you?
1
SPEAKER_01
I think I was a witch.
1
SPEAKER_02
Classic.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
I didn t know people had like such elaborate fun costumes.
1
SPEAKER_01
Now I know.
1
SPEAKER_02
No, it s just wonderful.
1
SPEAKER_02
That s a great, you can t go wrong with a witch.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s true.
1
SPEAKER_01
So we get in the car on Halloween day.
1
SPEAKER_01
My mom s driving down to this girl.
1
SPEAKER_01
She lived like a neighborhood away from me.
1
SPEAKER_01
So not too far.
1
SPEAKER_01
And it was also exciting because we were 10.
1
SPEAKER_01
So we could kind of go by ourselves.
1
SPEAKER_01
It was very safe.
1
SPEAKER_01
Suburban area.
1
SPEAKER_01
This was going to be the best day ever.
1
SPEAKER_01
And so we re driving down, and we re on the street where the girl lives.
1
SPEAKER_01
And my mom sees this girl about my age, long blonde hair, dressed up with a little trick-or-treating bag.
1
SPEAKER_01
I was like, this must be her.
1
SPEAKER_01
Like, what are the chances?
1
SPEAKER_02
This must be her.
1
SPEAKER_02
One kid.
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SPEAKER_01
She s never met the girl, she s only met the mom.
1
SPEAKER_01
She knows she s my age, that she s blonde, and that her name s Allison.
1
SPEAKER_01
So she rolls down the window and she calls out, Allison!
1
SPEAKER_01
And the girl turns around and she s like, yeah!
1
SPEAKER_01
And she starts saying something and the mom s like,
1
SPEAKER_01
That s it.
1
SPEAKER_01
This is Alison.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I think she tried to ask her if she was, but you know, my mom s English is not good.
1
SPEAKER_01
I had no idea what was going on.
1
SPEAKER_01
And we re like, of course, like, what are the chances?
1
SPEAKER_01
It s the street she lives in.
1
SPEAKER_01
She fits all the criteria.
1
SPEAKER_01
Alison s not a normal name for us.
1
SPEAKER_02
I was just going to say probably 12% of the school was Alison, but continue.
1
SPEAKER_01
Exactly.
1
SPEAKER_01
At that moment, we didn t know.
1
SPEAKER_01
So she s just.
1
SPEAKER_01
Drops me off.
1
SPEAKER_01
She s like, off you go.
1
SPEAKER_01
She s like, well, I ll see you at Alison s house later.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I m like, okay.
1
SPEAKER_01
She just drives off.
1
SPEAKER_01
And there we are.
1
SPEAKER_01
The girl, Alison, starts talking to me.
1
SPEAKER_01
I have no idea what she s saying.
1
SPEAKER_01
Cause I don t speak English really.
1
SPEAKER_01
This is such a disaster.
1
SPEAKER_01
But I m like, okay, well I ll figure it out.
1
SPEAKER_01
It ll be fun.
1
SPEAKER_01
We re kids, you know?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
And you think it s the right Alison at this point.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, of course.
1
SPEAKER_01
There s like no doubt in my mind because we don t have so many long blonde people named Alison in Spain, you know.
1
SPEAKER_01
So Alison takes me by her hand and we walk a few houses down and then we go into this house.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s madness.
1
SPEAKER_01
When I say a tornado of people inside there, it s a tornado of adults, kids, everybody dressed up.
1
SPEAKER_01
It was a massive party I ve come to.
1
SPEAKER_01
But I didn t know what was happening.
1
SPEAKER_01
And she just goes in the house, says something to me.
1
SPEAKER_01
No idea what she says.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m now guessing she probably said something like, oh, this is the party.
1
SPEAKER_01
Whatever will hold you here.
1
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
She just runs up the stairs and I m just standing there.
1
SPEAKER_01
by this time realized this is not what was meant to happen.
1
SPEAKER_00
Where am I?
1
SPEAKER_01
Am I being kidnapped?
1
SPEAKER_01
Is my mom ever going to find me?
1
SPEAKER_01
Should I leave?
1
SPEAKER_01
Should I stay?
1
SPEAKER_01
Do I contact an adult?
1
SPEAKER_01
Everyone s really dressed up.
1
SPEAKER_01
So who do I know?
1
SPEAKER_01
Who should I trust?
1
SPEAKER_02
You got to find a Spanish speaker.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_01
In Kentucky.
1
SPEAKER_01
Exactly.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s not like I m in, you know, New York city.
1
SPEAKER_01
So I m just standing there in complete shock.
1
SPEAKER_01
I don t know how much time passed evaluating every single person.
1
SPEAKER_01
This is so scary.
1
SPEAKER_01
It was really scary.
1
SPEAKER_01
I remember a man dressed like a pumpkin.
1
SPEAKER_01
I almost went up to him, but then it was just madness.
1
SPEAKER_01
So much noise.
1
SPEAKER_01
And all of a sudden I hear the door open.
1
SPEAKER_01
This crazy woman runs in, grabs me, pulls me out, puts me in the car.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I m like, what just happened?
1
SPEAKER_01
It was my mom.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, how d she figure it out?
1
SPEAKER_02
I got it.
1
SPEAKER_02
I got it.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, you want to guess?
1
SPEAKER_02
So eventually Alison s mother called her mom to say like, where are you guys?
1
SPEAKER_02
Alison s fixing to go trick or treating and you re nowhere to be like, I don t know what you mean.
1
SPEAKER_02
I already dropped her off with that.
1
SPEAKER_02
And then she went.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh fuck, that was the wrong Alison.
1
SPEAKER_01
But how d you find that house?
1
SPEAKER_02
She s probably racing around the neighborhood.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, let s find out.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Quite close.
1
SPEAKER_01
My mom drove to Alison s house.
1
SPEAKER_01
The real, I mean, this Alison was real, but our original Alison.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, we don t know.
1
SPEAKER_02
She could have been going as Alison.
1
SPEAKER_01
That was her character.
1
SPEAKER_01
Alison Wonderland that night.
1
SPEAKER_01
Exactly.
1
SPEAKER_01
Exactly.
1
SPEAKER_01
And so she was like, I m just being her.
1
SPEAKER_01
Very method.
1
SPEAKER_01
Who knows?
1
SPEAKER_01
Now it just adds a whole dimension to the story.
1
SPEAKER_02
So your mom does carry on to Alison s house.
1
SPEAKER_01
So she drove there, she walks in the door and sees Alison completely dressed up with her mom.
1
SPEAKER_01
She said she opened the door, she saw the girl, she closed the door and ran out.
1
SPEAKER_02
And they re like, these Spanish people are so insane.
1
SPEAKER_01
True.
1
SPEAKER_01
She drove back to the place in the street where she dropped me off.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then she went kind of house by house trying to find me walking up and down the street.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then she realized there was a party in that house.
1
SPEAKER_01
So she s actually thought maybe there will be someone here that s seen the girls that will help me find them.
1
SPEAKER_01
But she opened the door.
1
SPEAKER_01
She saw me and was just like crazy.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God.
1
SPEAKER_01
In the end, I did go trick or treating with the original Allison.
1
SPEAKER_01
Our moms came with us just to make sure nothing else happened.
1
SPEAKER_02
After that start for sure that s necessary.
1
SPEAKER_01
And it was a great experience.
1
SPEAKER_01
Ate more candy than I had ever dreamed of.
1
SPEAKER_02
Were you just, I mean, not to pat ourselves on the back here, but I would imagine if I were 10 and I had never experienced Halloween and I went somewhere and I was like, this is America.
1
SPEAKER_02
Every house is handing out candy bars.
1
SPEAKER_02
I would think this is the most enchanted place in the world.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, for sure.
1
SPEAKER_01
I was like, why don t we do this?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
How long did you guys stay there in Kentucky?
1
SPEAKER_01
Four years.
1
SPEAKER_02
And how did you end up assimilating?
1
SPEAKER_02
How long did it take you to learn English?
1
SPEAKER_01
By the end of that year, I would say I was fluent because I was so young and you re just immersed.
1
SPEAKER_01
You don t really have a choice.
1
SPEAKER_01
And as you said, I was in Kentucky.
1
SPEAKER_01
So my dad, for example, he spoke British English.
1
SPEAKER_01
He was the only one in the family that really spoke English.
1
SPEAKER_01
And people in Kentucky had a hard time understanding him.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, I m sure.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
We all had to adapt.
1
SPEAKER_02
So you stayed there until eighth grade?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, exactly.
1
SPEAKER_02
And did you have a boyfriend?
1
SPEAKER_02
Did boys like you?
1
SPEAKER_02
Were you an outcast?
1
SPEAKER_02
Were they charmed by your foreignness or were they scared by it?
1
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_01
I think people were a little bit charmed, but I was always dancing, so no boyfriend.
1
SPEAKER_02
Ballet?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, at the time mostly ballet.
1
SPEAKER_01
Now I do other sorts of dance.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, you re also very beautiful, so I m sure lots of boys liked you.
1
SPEAKER_01
I have to say Monica you are so much cuter than in the picture.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, I know the pictures are not wrong No
2
SPEAKER_02
I appreciate it.
2
SPEAKER_02
I take it as a compliment because I agree.
2
SPEAKER_02
And thank you.
2
SPEAKER_04
Let s go back to Kentucky.
2
SPEAKER_04
So we re kind of fascinated with ballet dancers because it s kind of masochistic.
2
SPEAKER_04
It s very brutal.
2
SPEAKER_03
It s very masochistic.
2
SPEAKER_04
Right?
2
SPEAKER_04
What impact do you think it s had on your overall personality?
2
SPEAKER_04
You have pursued that.
2
SPEAKER_03
It s hard to tell what part of me is really my personality and what part of me is my personality because I ve done ballet my whole life.
2
SPEAKER_03
Because I am very much a perfectionist.
2
SPEAKER_03
I m very disciplined.
2
SPEAKER_04
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_03
But then I m like, would I have been that way if I hadn t done ballet?
2
SPEAKER_03
So I don t know.
2
SPEAKER_03
Chicken or the egg?
2
SPEAKER_04
What kind of dance do you do now?
2
SPEAKER_03
I do a lot of mostly contemporary dance, but all sorts of dance.
2
SPEAKER_03
And I m also a circus artist now.
2
SPEAKER_03
Wow.
2
SPEAKER_04
You are.
2
SPEAKER_04
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_04
So have you seen Cirque de Soleil here ever?
2
SPEAKER_04
Is it that vibe?
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, exactly.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_04
Oh my gosh.
2
SPEAKER_04
I don t think I m more impressed by any humans on planet earth than the performers of Cirque de Soleil.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_03
I agreed me as well.
2
SPEAKER_04
It s mind blowing.
2
SPEAKER_04
We went last year and I m just like, I don t know the physics of this.
2
SPEAKER_04
This is so brave and so hot too.
2
SPEAKER_04
I ll throw it out there.
2
SPEAKER_04
It s the best of what humans can be really physically.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, it s okay, best is, you know.
2
SPEAKER_04
Well, it s in the eye of the beholder.
2
SPEAKER_01
We ll cut that.
2
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_04
We ll cut that.
2
SPEAKER_01
This was great.
2
SPEAKER_01
What a story.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Also so scary.
2
SPEAKER_03
As a kid in a new country lost.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, I learned how Halloween in America is definitely scary.
2
SPEAKER_03
And also that everyone s name can be Allison.
2
SPEAKER_04
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_04
By the way, I have many memories and I would go up to a door and you d see parents in there kind of partying.
2
SPEAKER_04
People would be hammered on Halloween.
2
SPEAKER_04
You d see like drunk adults in costume and it was always just a little scary.
2
SPEAKER_03
Unnerving.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, I m pretty sure that house party had a lot of drunk adults.
2
SPEAKER_03
I didn t realize it then, but I m pretty sure.
2
SPEAKER_04
I remember one time we were trick-or-treating way too old.
2
SPEAKER_04
I was in high school, like ninth grade.
2
SPEAKER_04
And we knocked at the door, me and my buddy, and this guy opened.
2
SPEAKER_04
He s like, fuck, I don t know whether to give you some candy or a beer.
2
SPEAKER_04
Which one do you want?
2
SPEAKER_03
Oh, wow.
2
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_04
My dad s a neighborhood.
2
SPEAKER_03
Everyone gave me candy all four years that I was in Kentucky.
2
SPEAKER_04
Oh, well, it s so nice to meet you.
2
SPEAKER_04
Thank you so much for telling us that story.
2
SPEAKER_02
And if either of the Allison s are listening, reach out.
2
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, we would love to hear from your perspective, especially the second.
2
SPEAKER_02
I would love to know what she was thinking.
2
SPEAKER_02
All right.
2
SPEAKER_02
This was great.
2
SPEAKER_02
Thank you.
2
SPEAKER_02
So nice to meet you.
2
SPEAKER_02
Thank you guys.
2
SPEAKER_02
That reminds me of a time I got lost in the Burlington coat factory.
2
SPEAKER_04
Oh my God.
2
SPEAKER_04
Hold on a second.
2
SPEAKER_04
In the storefront, not at the actual factory where they make the store.
2
SPEAKER_04
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_02
We were coat shopping and I got lost.
2
SPEAKER_04
How old 13.
2
SPEAKER_02
I was 19.
2
SPEAKER_02
No, I was probably like eight or something.
2
SPEAKER_02
It was traumatizing, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_02
And there were so many coats.
2
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, it s a maze of coats.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yes, and I was like, where is she?
2
SPEAKER_02
I loved that place.
2
SPEAKER_01
I hate it.
2
SPEAKER_04
Hi, Joseph.
2
SPEAKER_00
This is a beautiful wall behind you.
2
SPEAKER_01
Are you in New York City?
2
SPEAKER_00
I m in Chicago.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
No, some people think it s fake, but no, it s real.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s all tangible.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s gorgeous.
2
SPEAKER_04
Oh, thank you so much.
2
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_04
Are you an architect or something?
2
SPEAKER_04
What s happening?
2
SPEAKER_00
No, no, not at all.
2
SPEAKER_00
I run a super teeny tiny tech business.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s super nerdy.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_02
Google.
2
SPEAKER_04
How are you guys?
2
SPEAKER_04
So good.
2
SPEAKER_04
We re having a lot of fun and it s getting us really excited for Halloween.
2
SPEAKER_04
Are you a big fan of Halloween?
2
SPEAKER_04
Just before we even hear your story, what s your feelings?
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
And this is actually part of the story.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m a gay man.
2
SPEAKER_00
So Halloween is kind of like the gay Christmas.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, elaborate on that.
2
SPEAKER_00
People can just dress up and be themselves, and it s just fun.
2
SPEAKER_04
Have you ever been to Halloween in West Hollywood?
2
SPEAKER_04
No.
2
SPEAKER_04
Oh, it s the event of the whole year in L.A.
2
SPEAKER_04
It s really fun.
2
SPEAKER_04
Yes, it s outrageously fun.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, but I feel like when you get some of those like really gay Halloween events, you know, you get people and they just wear like a cowboy hat and they re like, I m a sexy cowboy and then that s it.
2
SPEAKER_00
So you have to be like super gripped for that.
2
SPEAKER_00
So like this isn t going to really work out.
2
SPEAKER_04
Look, I m not going to tell you there s not a ton of sexy cowboys, which I love, of course, but there s room for everyone.
2
SPEAKER_04
We got all kinds of costumes happening.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_04
People have a broom.
2
SPEAKER_04
They re like, I m a sexy shirtless witch.
2
SPEAKER_04
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_04
I would say it s like a sliver of Burning Man.
2
SPEAKER_04
People really go all out on the costumes.
2
SPEAKER_04
People spend like a year planning.
2
SPEAKER_04
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_04
Tell us about your crazy Halloween story.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
I have to kind of apologize because, you know, you ve had some pretty gross stories lately, you know, with the service industry one.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh yeah, I know.
2
SPEAKER_02
To be fair, we said do not listen.
2
SPEAKER_00
We did.
2
SPEAKER_04
We were very upset about that.
2
SPEAKER_00
No, I loved it.
2
SPEAKER_00
I loved it.
2
SPEAKER_04
I think it s great.
2
SPEAKER_04
But what you re pointing out is, yes, the show is circling the drain.
2
SPEAKER_04
We keep getting grosser.
2
SPEAKER_04
But weirdly, I noticed on this last one, like, we ve hit something.
2
SPEAKER_04
People are... They like... They re engaged.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
I feel like, you know, if you put the disclaimer saying, don t listen to this, like, people are in.
2
SPEAKER_00
The last one, it was like, this is a class story and I m just like hanging on to it.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m like, I can t wait.
2
SPEAKER_00
And it didn t disappoint.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I feel like this could be up there with kind of, you know, the leaky leg and the psoriasis.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, thank God.
2
SPEAKER_02
I m ready.
2
SPEAKER_02
The others have been tame.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I m sorry if this warrants a disclaimer at the beginning of your podcast, but yeah, here we go.
2
SPEAKER_00
This explains why you re using a code name, by the way.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, I didn t know.
2
100%.
2
SPEAKER_04
Okay, great.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
Cause I, you know, I didn t want to embarrass any other people involved, you know, so.
2
SPEAKER_00
I think it s important to kind of think of this as like a very, very closeted gay man over 20 years ago in conservative Ohio.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I was at a state school in Ohio and there was this one girl in my economics class that I would see super, super pretty.
2
SPEAKER_00
Let s call her Becky.
2
SPEAKER_00
Very shy, but beautiful and always had such good comments in class.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then we were out for Halloween night and I ran into her.
2
SPEAKER_00
She was dressed as Wonder Woman.
2
SPEAKER_00
Ooh, this is a side of her we weren t expecting, right?
2
SPEAKER_00
If she s shy.
2
SPEAKER_00
Totally.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Exciting.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s at a college bar.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s like cheap beer and super sugary cocktails.
2
SPEAKER_00
So we continue hanging out and she s like, do you want to go back to my dorm?
2
SPEAKER_04
So I m like, okay, can I pause you there for half a second, please?
2
SPEAKER_04
So you already said you re not out at that point.
2
SPEAKER_00
No, I was extreme, like paranoid closeted.
2
SPEAKER_00
You know, your listeners can t see this by talk with my hands.
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, it was so close to the point I wouldn t even do this because it would be a tell.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_04
So did you not know to not get yourself in situations where you were back at a gal s dorm room or were you nervous about that at all?
2
SPEAKER_04
Like she s going to expect something.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yes and no.
2
SPEAKER_00
For me personally, you kind of go through things because that s the things that all your friends are doing.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yes, the quote normal thing to do.
2
SPEAKER_00
And at that point, I m like, maybe the whole gay thing is just a physical thing.
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I didn t even hold a guy s hand until after college.
2
SPEAKER_00
So it was also new and confusing.
2
SPEAKER_00
And again, like being part of that area of the country.
2
SPEAKER_00
So, yeah, you kind of do the things that you re just kind of expected to do.
2
SPEAKER_04
It would be just as dangerous to not accept that offer in your mind.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, exactly.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I think there s also so much paranoia to that.
2
SPEAKER_00
I didn t go home with this girl.
2
SPEAKER_00
So now everyone s going to know I m gay.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s so I imagine exhausting.
2
SPEAKER_00
It is so exhausting.
2
SPEAKER_00
But, you know, I feel like things have obviously changed so much.
2
SPEAKER_00
So we get back to her place and she becomes fairly, fairly aggressive.
2
SPEAKER_00
So she like rips off the Wonder Woman outfit.
2
SPEAKER_04
This is wasted on you.
2
SPEAKER_04
I can t imagine being in this situation.
2
SPEAKER_04
Sign me up, Wonder Woman disrobing.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I was nervous too, but I had a method during college, and that was when Colin Farrell was the hottest dude on the planet.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, still is.
2
SPEAKER_00
Right, exactly.
2
SPEAKER_00
So it was always, close your eyes, pretend she s Colin Farrell.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, good hack.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it was a perfect hack.
2
SPEAKER_00
So she gets on the bed, lays horizontal, which I guess that s what people do.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I m still kind of standing up awkward.
2
SPEAKER_00
She gets naked.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then she s like, come here.
2
SPEAKER_00
And the very first thing that she does, and this gets progressively worse.
2
SPEAKER_00
So the first thing that she does is she like puts my head between her breasts and like takes the right hand and puts it on the right breast, the left hand on the left breast and does this like aggressive
2
SPEAKER_00
motorboat, like aggressive oscillation where it s just super, super.
2
SPEAKER_02
Smashing your face.
2
SPEAKER_02
Intense.
2
SPEAKER_00
Smashing like my big old gay noggin.
2
SPEAKER_04
It makes me really quick not to interrupt you, but it does remind me of our friend, Jess.
2
SPEAKER_04
He was at a, I think a bachelor party.
2
SPEAKER_04
He s very openly gay, and the stripper rubbed her boobs on his face, and he s like, honestly, it felt like someone s ears on my face.
2
SPEAKER_04
He compares it to someone rubbing their ears on his face.
2
SPEAKER_02
He also always says, I would eat around it.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it s like boobs and, like, boobs and stereos surround, right?
2
SPEAKER_00
That s like the best way to kind of think of it.
2
SPEAKER_00
Everywhere that was going on, like, you know, goby surround and areola form.
2
SPEAKER_00
So that was weird.
2
SPEAKER_00
And it was also very unsensual.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, she s shy.
2
SPEAKER_02
Remember who we re talking about here?
2
SPEAKER_04
That s why it s so hot.
2
SPEAKER_04
To me is that she s so shy in class and she has this tigress in her.
2
SPEAKER_04
Becky the Wonder Woman.
2
SPEAKER_02
Alter ego.
2
SPEAKER_04
Halloween brings it out in people.
2
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_04
So she goes to the bathroom for two minutes and I m like, I don t know what s going on.
3
SPEAKER_04
I didn t hear any flush.
3
SPEAKER_04
So I m like, you know, maybe she was a little bit gassy.
3
SPEAKER_04
That happens.
3
SPEAKER_04
I m confused and I m nervous.
3
SPEAKER_04
I m so sorry.
3
SPEAKER_04
What costume are you wearing?
3
SPEAKER_01
I think that s really important.
3
SPEAKER_04
I wasn t wearing anything.
3
SPEAKER_04
That s the lamest thing.
3
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
3
SPEAKER_04
I was dressed as a straight man.
3
SPEAKER_04
You were always in costume as a straight dude.
3
SPEAKER_02
Well, I bet he was afraid, like, if he dressed up.
3
SPEAKER_02
Whatever you picked, people would be like, oh, you re gay.
3
SPEAKER_02
You picked the gay costume.
3
SPEAKER_05
You picked Iron Man.
3
SPEAKER_04
Can you imagine if I was dressed as, like, someone from, like, the Village People or something?
3
SPEAKER_04
That would have been amazing.
3
SPEAKER_04
The construction worker in the vest.
3
SPEAKER_03
Oh, okay.
3
SPEAKER_03
So she s in there.
3
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_04
So she came out of the bathroom, lays back down on, on her bed and she pushes my head down there.
3
SPEAKER_03
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_04
She s sexually assaulting you at this point.
3
SPEAKER_03
You have no consent.
3
SPEAKER_04
It was a lot going on.
3
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_04
And then all of a sudden, and I can t think of a better way than like her vagina burped.
3
SPEAKER_03
Oh, like a queen.
3
SPEAKER_04
It s a cleave.
3
SPEAKER_04
No.
3
SPEAKER_04
Oh.
3
SPEAKER_04
Not so fast.
3
SPEAKER_04
All of this gel.
3
SPEAKER_04
comes out of her vagina.
3
SPEAKER_05
Oh, she was lubing up?
3
SPEAKER_04
I don t know if it was lube or spermicide.
3
SPEAKER_05
Oh.
3
SPEAKER_04
I felt like the spermicide thing was something more in like the 70s.
3
SPEAKER_04
I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_04
It s a mystery to this day.
3
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_04
But I had a very hospital mentee.
3
SPEAKER_04
Like, they could clean the floors with us.
3
SPEAKER_04
Sure.
3
SPEAKER_04
And it went everywhere.
3
SPEAKER_04
It went in my eyes and my, like, because I think, I m assuming, you know, both of us were very inexperienced.
3
SPEAKER_04
So it just shot out at me.
3
SPEAKER_04
Oh.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m so embarrassed for her.
3
SPEAKER_04
So embarrassed for her.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh.
3
SPEAKER_04
And then my immediate reaction, and I think it was a mix of the sugary drinks.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh no.
3
SPEAKER_04
No, no, no, no, no.
3
SPEAKER_04
Of course, of course.
3
SPEAKER_04
The spermicide slash lube.
3
SPEAKER_01
The vagina.
3
SPEAKER_04
Right, exactly.
3
SPEAKER_04
It burped Purell on you, basically.
3
SPEAKER_04
It burped Purell on me.
3
SPEAKER_04
That s a really great way to say it.
3
SPEAKER_04
The second that that happened, without thinking, I threw up.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yes, yes.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God.
3
SPEAKER_01
On her vagina.
3
SPEAKER_04
Monica, not on her vagina, inside her vagina.
3
SPEAKER_03
No, no, no!
3
SPEAKER_05
Not on her vagina, inside her.
3
SPEAKER_01
No, oh my, this is, oh.
3
SPEAKER_04
Awful.
3
SPEAKER_01
This is such a disaster.
3
SPEAKER_04
It was all so quick, and it was everywhere.
3
SPEAKER_04
There were definitely chunks between the menorah and the majorah.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God, I feel so embarrassed for everyone.
3
SPEAKER_04
A lot of victims in the room.
3
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, so in the moment, it was just like automatic clean up, like, hey, are you okay?
3
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, who feels worse?
3
SPEAKER_04
She knows that she shot that on you, right?
3
SPEAKER_05
Oh, absolutely, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_05
But I still don t know what it is.
3
SPEAKER_05
Right, we ll never find out, unfortunately.
3
SPEAKER_05
So you re both profusely apologizing to each other?
3
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_04
Because like, I felt terrible.
3
SPEAKER_04
I think she was just apologetic of the situation.
3
SPEAKER_04
So there was kind of the immediate cleanup.
3
SPEAKER_04
I went home, but then like after that, I was paranoid for such a long time.
3
SPEAKER_04
Are people going to find out?
3
SPEAKER_04
The guy that s afraid to use exaggerated hand movements is a guy that saw a vagina and threw up into it.
3
SPEAKER_03
I mean, that is like a cliche.
3
SPEAKER_04
Cliche.
3
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_05
Touche.
3
SPEAKER_05
So that s it.
3
SPEAKER_05
What was the vibe back in class with her?
3
SPEAKER_05
Did you guys like ever hang again?
3
SPEAKER_05
Did you talk about it?
3
SPEAKER_04
We never talked about it.
3
SPEAKER_04
We were in the same class for the rest of the semester.
3
SPEAKER_04
We would see each other out and about and we re friendly.
3
SPEAKER_04
But at the end of the day, I think it was two super awkward people that weren t used to doing that.
3
SPEAKER_04
Because I think she was probably trying to do the things that she thought was sexy.
3
SPEAKER_04
And like, here I am again, pretending this was Colin Farrell.
3
SPEAKER_04
So it was just two awkward kids.
3
SPEAKER_05
Yeah, I got on.
3
SPEAKER_05
She went into the bathroom.
3
SPEAKER_05
The reason she was gone so long, obviously didn t take her two minutes to put that spermicide in herself.
3
SPEAKER_05
She was looking at a tube and she s like, how much am I supposed to use of this?
3
SPEAKER_05
She was probably reading the back of it and she probably put way too much in.
3
SPEAKER_05
That was the thing.
3
SPEAKER_05
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_05
In the putting of all that in there, some air got trapped in there and it was just a packed cannon at that point.
3
SPEAKER_05
It was like a musket.
3
SPEAKER_05
Oh my God.
3
SPEAKER_04
It was like the pop it things and like confetti would go everywhere.
3
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, New Year s Eve.
3
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, exactly, exactly.
3
SPEAKER_03
I mean, you said burped, but really it also threw up.
3
SPEAKER_03
That s true.
3
SPEAKER_03
The vagina threw up and then you threw up back.
3
SPEAKER_04
And you thought throw up would throw up.
3
SPEAKER_04
The result of that, you just have like the most disgusting, heinous mixture of liquids.
3
SPEAKER_04
But again, like it was on slash in her, so she got the worst end of that.
3
SPEAKER_04
How long before you left the scene?
3
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_04
I don t clearly remember.
3
SPEAKER_04
I remember being very quick.
3
SPEAKER_04
It left in a very nice and kind way, but it was just one of those things where I think both of us maybe had like someone spoken true so we ll never talk about this moment ever again.
3
SPEAKER_04
Right.
3
SPEAKER_03
I hope she found out eventually that you are gay, because if that happened to me, I would feel like, oh, I can never show my vagina to anyone else ever.
3
SPEAKER_05
But wait, hold on.
3
SPEAKER_05
You don t think she would naturally attribute it to the burp and the Purell everywhere?
3
SPEAKER_03
You should do that.
3
SPEAKER_03
That s what happened, but you won t.
3
SPEAKER_05
You re going to hate this.
3
SPEAKER_05
I just want to warn you.
3
SPEAKER_05
You re going to hate this.
3
SPEAKER_05
If I had been in that exact same situation, it wouldn t have slowed me down a bit.
3
SPEAKER_05
I mean, I m telling you the truth.
3
SPEAKER_05
He would have taken so much more than that.
3
SPEAKER_05
More than that had come my way in my youth.
3
SPEAKER_05
And that would not slow me down.
3
SPEAKER_05
You re with Colin Farrell.
3
SPEAKER_05
He comes out of the bathroom and he butt burped some Purell.
3
SPEAKER_05
You re fine, right?
3
SPEAKER_05
Yeah, let s do it.
3
SPEAKER_04
Let s go.
3
SPEAKER_05
Yeah, let s just sweep this under the rug.
3
SPEAKER_03
But it got in your mouth.
3
SPEAKER_03
There s a chance it just didn t sit well.
3
SPEAKER_05
He was already in a rough situation.
3
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_04
So I think that s actually a big part of it, though, because I think, yeah, if things were different, I d be like, OK, not a big deal.
3
SPEAKER_04
But in this instance, this is just too much.
3
SPEAKER_04
And then everything I couldn t.
3
SPEAKER_04
And the thing is, I m not a throw up type of person.
3
SPEAKER_04
Like I probably 10 times in my life.
3
SPEAKER_05
If you ve only thrown up 10 times in your life, we can conclude that 10 percent of the time you throw up, it s in a vagina.
3
SPEAKER_05
I would say 80%.
3
SPEAKER_04
No, just kidding.
3
SPEAKER_04
Monica, I just wanted to get back to your question.
3
SPEAKER_04
So we are friends on social, so she does know.
3
SPEAKER_03
OK.
3
SPEAKER_04
So if there is any lingering insecurities, then it should be fine.
3
SPEAKER_03
I think I clarified.
3
SPEAKER_04
Oh, good.
3
SPEAKER_01
OK.
3
SPEAKER_05
A lot of healing has happened in the last two decades.
3
SPEAKER_04
Well, it s so nice to meet you.
3
SPEAKER_04
Thank you guys so much for having me on.
3
SPEAKER_04
This has been an absolute pleasure.
3
SPEAKER_03
Happy Halloween.
3
SPEAKER_04
Happy Halloween.
3
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_04
No repeat story performances.
3
SPEAKER_05
All right.
3
SPEAKER_00
Take care.
3
SPEAKER_00
Can you guys hear me?
3
SPEAKER_05
Yes.
3
SPEAKER_05
Beautifully.
3
SPEAKER_05
You sound fantastic.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t even know what to say.
3
SPEAKER_00
This is fantastic.
3
SPEAKER_00
I can t believe it.
3
SPEAKER_05
Listen, it looks like you re on the poster of garden state almost, right?
3
SPEAKER_05
The wallpaper and the chair.
3
SPEAKER_05
It s incredible.
3
SPEAKER_05
What s happening?
3
SPEAKER_05
Are you a vampire?
3
SPEAKER_00
You know what?
3
SPEAKER_00
I actually am.
3
SPEAKER_00
I just woke up for this.
3
SPEAKER_00
The sun s coming down here in Oklahoma.
3
SPEAKER_00
Actually, my dad has a hearing aid practice and I m in his testing room.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, thankfully this fell after business hours.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I was able to actually come in here and use it.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_05
So is it like dead quiet in there normally?
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
I can hear my heartbeat in my ears.
3
SPEAKER_05
Oh, okay.
3
SPEAKER_05
So Logan, you re in Oklahoma.
3
SPEAKER_05
Is that where this Halloween story took place?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yes, so this actually took place here in Tulsa, Oklahoma last year.
3
SPEAKER_00
So my wife and I got married last August.
3
SPEAKER_00
And so last year, after we got married, we wanted to do a couple s costume.
3
SPEAKER_00
And Monica, we love Harry Potter too.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s one of the things that we bonded over.
3
SPEAKER_00
We read all the books growing up.
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I think we watched the movies at least once a month.
3
SPEAKER_00
So it s a big deal for us.
3
SPEAKER_00
We love Harry Potter.
3
SPEAKER_00
And so we ve done the Pottermore tests.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m a Gryffindor and she s a Ravenclaw.
3
SPEAKER_03
Wow, great pairing.
3
SPEAKER_00
I know, right?
3
SPEAKER_00
Sometimes I think she thinks I m a Slytherin, but you know, that s kind of up for debate.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
We went online, I found a couple of really good robes and we wanted to hold on to them for a few years because
3
SPEAKER_00
she really wants to go to Harry Potter World as her graduation gift next year when she s done with school.
3
SPEAKER_00
So we thought, perfect, we ll get a couple of good ones.
3
SPEAKER_00
What s important about this though is that even though we kind of found some better ones, the only ones we could find were made out of polyester.
3
SPEAKER_00
So we had a few parties lined out on the 29th last year because Halloween was on a Monday, and the first one that we decided to go to was actually a family friend s.
3
SPEAKER_00
and they re neighbors of my parents.
3
SPEAKER_00
We ve done Thanksgivings with them before.
3
SPEAKER_00
So figured let s start here and then we ll see where the night goes after this.
3
SPEAKER_00
We get over there and we re probably at the party for maybe an hour, hour and a half.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s starting to get going.
3
SPEAKER_00
People are coming in, you know, we ve had a few drinks at this point.
3
SPEAKER_00
And he comes out, the host,
3
SPEAKER_00
And it s important to note that he s wearing an adult Bam Bam costume.
3
SPEAKER_00
So he s got on like the blonde wig, the foot shoes on and everything.
3
SPEAKER_00
So he comes out and grabs me and says, hey, Logan, you got to come inside and try this dish that my wife s making.
3
SPEAKER_00
Now, at the time, I didn t know anything about it.
3
SPEAKER_00
He s real excited.
3
SPEAKER_00
I immediately knew that something cool was happening because as soon as I walked in, there was just a group of people standing around the center island in the kitchen.
3
SPEAKER_00
And all I could see was a flame
4
SPEAKER_00
coming up about two feet in the air from the countertop.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
So, we get over there and I find out that this dish is called, I m probably gonna butcher this, it s a Portuguese dish called chorizo a bombeiro.
4
SPEAKER_00
I guess translates to sausage cooked on fire.
4
SPEAKER_00
And what it looks like is there s this ceramic dish that has a reservoir in the bottom of it that you pour Everclear into and you light it on fire.
4
SPEAKER_00
I get there in time with him that they re pulling the first sausage off and it was really good.
4
SPEAKER_00
You know, he s slicing it up.
4
SPEAKER_00
He s handing me some bites of it.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m having some more.
4
SPEAKER_00
So we re standing right there and his wife goes to put the next sausage on and
4
SPEAKER_01
We caught you.
4
SPEAKER_01
I kind of wanted to do it subtly.
4
SPEAKER_01
I didn t want to draw attention to the Ted Seegers.
4
SPEAKER_01
I got to tell the audience that Logan just took a big swig of Ted Seegers.
4
SPEAKER_01
How good is that NA beer?
4
SPEAKER_01
It s fantastic.
4
SPEAKER_00
This is my last one of the case.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m going to have to order more.
4
SPEAKER_00
We got more coming end of the month.
4
SPEAKER_00
Perfect.
4
SPEAKER_00
I need one of those shirts that says the Ted Seegers please, I m driving.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay, perfect.
4
SPEAKER_00
So I don t know if you ve ever burned Everclear or any other type of grain alcohol before, but when it gets down to the bottom part,
4
SPEAKER_00
The flames are actually invisible so it creates the illusion that there s no more fire Oh at this point his wife then thinks that we need to light another fire And so she grabs the bottle of ever clear.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh starts pouring it in the reservoir and it explodes Fire three feet up in the air it went out both ends of the reservoir.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh no
4
SPEAKER_00
It just happened so fast, I throw my hands up and what it really felt like was, you know when you open an oven really fast and it s like on broil and you just feel the heat coming out?
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m just kind of in shock and I see my parent s neighbor and his wig is on fire.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh!
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay, bam bam?
4
SPEAKER_00
Bam bam s on fire.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
Not ideal.
4
SPEAKER_00
No, not ideal at all, especially in those shoes.
4
SPEAKER_00
You can t run very well.
4
SPEAKER_00
I then noticed that nobody s watching him.
4
SPEAKER_00
They re all staring at me.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh shit, I m on fire.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh my god.
4
SPEAKER_01
Jesus.
4
SPEAKER_00
My robe had completely gone up in flames.
4
SPEAKER_00
I mean, everything.
4
SPEAKER_00
I ve got the polyester tie that came with the costume.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s on fire.
4
SPEAKER_00
No!
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God.
4
SPEAKER_01
That was dangerous.
4
SPEAKER_00
Thankfully, my kindergarten training kicked in, and I remembered to stop, drop, and roll.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I can t take all the credit for that.
4
SPEAKER_00
Someone was yelling at him to fall down as he was running in the backyard.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so I heard it, and so I remembered to stop, drop, and roll around.
4
SPEAKER_00
One swift motion, shirt s off, robe s gone, everything, and I am hauling it to the bathroom to assess the damage.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Are you just in a pair of panties at this point?
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh no, thankfully I ve still got pants on.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay, great, great, great, great.
4
SPEAKER_00
Those didn t catch on fire.
4
SPEAKER_00
The robe and shirt, completely toast.
4
SPEAKER_00
I never even saw the robe again.
4
SPEAKER_00
They threw it away before I could even see it.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t think there was much left.
4
SPEAKER_00
Someone could have just done a spell.
4
SPEAKER_00
You know, I was the only one with the wand.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh, fuck.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, that s on you.
4
SPEAKER_01
I know.
4
SPEAKER_00
I know.
4
SPEAKER_00
I should have at least made sure that my wife had one, too.
4
SPEAKER_00
Because then, you know, she could have used the Aguamente to get me out and we would have been fine.
4
SPEAKER_00
Aguamente.
4
SPEAKER_00
Boom, guys.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m assessing the damage and it didn t really start hurting until I could see what it looked like and I have pictures if you want to see I know Dax you may be interested of course I am the entire bottom right side of my face and both of my hands were just completely burnt So whenever I had thrown my hands up like this, I guess I missed this part Yeah, and so it just went right here and got both of my hands.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh my god
4
SPEAKER_01
Let me add, you have enormous hands.
4
SPEAKER_01
I just want to congratulate you on how fucking big your hands are.
4
SPEAKER_00
I think that s actually an illusion.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh, okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
Thank you.
4
SPEAKER_00
I appreciate it.
4
SPEAKER_00
I ll take it.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if you can really see that super well.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh my Lord, son.
4
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
4
SPEAKER_00
That looks so painful.
4
SPEAKER_00
And those are my hands.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God.
4
SPEAKER_01
Ow.
4
SPEAKER_01
Logan, I m shocked your face looks completely fine now.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
How long did it take to heal?
4
SPEAKER_00
It was about two weeks before I could use my hands again.
4
SPEAKER_00
And it was about three, maybe four weeks before it was all no longer noticeable.
4
SPEAKER_00
I do notice my cheeks get red more often now, and I ve got a couple spots on my hands that do, but other than that, it s like I got a free chemical peel out of it.
4
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s very glass half full.
4
SPEAKER_00
Well, the best glass half full is that it got me here.
4
SPEAKER_00
I get to talk to you.
4
SPEAKER_00
My dad s running next door, getting in the car.
4
SPEAKER_00
And meanwhile, my wife has no idea what happened.
4
SPEAKER_00
Nobody went and grabbed her or told her anything.
4
SPEAKER_00
She s just still in the backyard.
4
SPEAKER_00
Having a great time.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
So eventually someone comes and gets her and they tell her, hey, Molly, I think you need to go inside.
4
SPEAKER_00
Logan s having kind of a hard time right now.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s what they told her.
4
SPEAKER_01
What?
4
SPEAKER_01
Like you re in a bad mood?
4
SPEAKER_00
But that s all she got.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then when she came inside, obviously her jaw dropped.
4
SPEAKER_00
She s freaking out.
4
SPEAKER_00
We get to the hospital and it is packed.
4
SPEAKER_00
Saturday night in the ER.
4
SPEAKER_00
There s so many people there.
4
SPEAKER_00
But what s really funny is that for a Halloween night, there was nobody in costumes.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh, I m surprised.
4
SPEAKER_00
We were the only ones.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
I would have thought the whole place was like the monster mass, people with fucking missing hands and stuff.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s what I was expecting, too.
4
SPEAKER_00
They re trying to figure out who s actually injured and which one s part of the costume.
4
SPEAKER_00
Right.
4
SPEAKER_00
What s real blood?
4
SPEAKER_00
What s fake?
4
SPEAKER_00
So I get in there and my first thought is, oh, shit, this is going to be a while before I can get back there.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then they immediately take me back before my wife s even done signing the paperwork.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so my first thought is, oh, this is great.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t have to wait.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then I think, oh, this must be really bad if I don t have to wait.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, good point.
4
SPEAKER_00
So
4
SPEAKER_00
Hey, get me back there.
4
SPEAKER_00
I ve got my wedding band on, and it looked like gold, but it was made out of tungsten steel.
4
SPEAKER_00
They re trying to cut it off my finger.
4
SPEAKER_00
It broke two drills.
4
SPEAKER_00
The first one, it popped the blade off.
4
SPEAKER_00
The second one, it was too dull.
4
SPEAKER_00
So I asked the guys, hey, how come we re focusing on this and we re not getting other things moving?
4
SPEAKER_00
Because I m in a lot of pain here.
4
SPEAKER_00
He said, well, two reasons.
4
SPEAKER_00
Your hands are swelling at a rate that if we don t get that off, you could lose that finger.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh God, okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
And he said, and we can t give you any pain medicine because it may make your hands swell more.
4
SPEAKER_00
So we ve got to find a way to get this off your finger.
4
SPEAKER_01
Whoa.
4
SPEAKER_00
He turned around.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t know what he was looking for, but that scared the hell out of me.
4
SPEAKER_00
So I grabbed that ring and I yanked it off my hand.
4
SPEAKER_00
The ring came off and so did all of the skin on that finger.
4
SPEAKER_00
Rip the whole thing off The whole thing was ordeal they ended up having to transfer me to the burn center at a different hospital I spent about three hours there because they had to wait for the blisters to get to full size before they could do anything So they actually went in and they cut them all off.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh my god
4
SPEAKER_00
Wow very satisfying while they re cutting it off all this hot pus is coming out of my hands Yeah, the cold air on it felt really great What didn t feel so good is when they had to get the wire brush and start cleaning them out
4
SPEAKER_01
I hope doodle boy animates this one and I hope he has a skeleton finger Oh my gosh, you know, that would make my day.
4
SPEAKER_00
Well, this already made my year, but if I could see that as the doodle boy sketch, that d be fantastic Ah
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God, Logan.
4
SPEAKER_00
You know, all in all, everything healed up pretty great.
4
SPEAKER_00
There were second degree burns, which meant no nerve damage.
4
SPEAKER_00
It also meant that I felt every second of every single thing, because there was no nerve damage.
4
SPEAKER_01
You have a very good attitude about this experience.
4
SPEAKER_01
I really want to applaud how well you ve taken this whole thing.
4
SPEAKER_00
Well, I get to talk to you guys.
4
SPEAKER_01
That s very sweet.
4
SPEAKER_00
I think this is the happiest way I ve ever told this story.
4
SPEAKER_01
So this year, what are you going to go as this year?
4
SPEAKER_01
You should go as a Roman candle to fuck with people.
4
SPEAKER_00
You know what, I thought about going as a burn victim.
4
SPEAKER_00
They sent me the e-bite to the same party like a week ago.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God!
4
SPEAKER_00
You know, I ve still got plenty of bandages to use.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, that would be great.
4
SPEAKER_01
That s so funny, actually.
4
SPEAKER_01
Or come as a firefighter, one of the two, with an extinguisher.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, Logan, what a pleasure to meet you.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m sorry that happened to you, but I thank you because it amused us greatly.
4
SPEAKER_00
Well, thank you both so much.
4
SPEAKER_00
Really appreciate it.
4
SPEAKER_01
All right, bye.
4
SPEAKER_01
Stay safe out there, as we ve heard, many, many things can go wrong.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s not shocking.
4
SPEAKER_01
I mean, it s a night where everyone s dressing up as alter egos.
4
SPEAKER_01
I mean, it is the drunkest I ve ever been.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, that s so common.
4
SPEAKER_01
I told you that was Brie and I s, it was always a disastrous holiday for us.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
We would over consume.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like why does it, why?
4
SPEAKER_00
There s so many other holidays where drinking s a thing.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s the alter ego thing.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
You look in the mirror and you re like, oh, I m this creature tonight and I m gonna behave as such.
4
SPEAKER_01
You just feel like you re anonymous in a way.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
You act like you re on social media.
4
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
4
SPEAKER_01
Scary.
4
SPEAKER_01
Scary.
4
SPEAKER_01
Ding, ding, ding.
4
SPEAKER_01
We ve already revealed, but should we?
5
SPEAKER_01
re-reveal our Halloween characters we re playing?
5
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
5
SPEAKER_01
Okay, so everyone knows I m Gryffindor.
5
SPEAKER_01
No, I m Oldowan.
5
SPEAKER_00
Dumbledore.
5
SPEAKER_01
I m Dumbledore.
5
SPEAKER_00
Dumbledore.
5
SPEAKER_01
Dumbledore.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God.
5
SPEAKER_01
I m Dumbeldore.
5
SPEAKER_01
I love dumbbells.
5
SPEAKER_00
Listen, we re doing Harry Potter Halloween and there s a wide range in the group of fans.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
Some people are really extreme fans.
5
SPEAKER_00
Rabid.
5
SPEAKER_00
Some would say rabid.
5
SPEAKER_00
And others don t know much at all.
5
SPEAKER_01
That s right.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s causing a rift.
5
SPEAKER_01
Is it?
5
SPEAKER_01
This is not news to anyone though that I m just like, I liked the movie.
5
SPEAKER_00
Not just you, there s others.
5
SPEAKER_00
There s others out there on your team.
5
SPEAKER_01
I didn t know that.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m going as Rita Skeeter.
5
SPEAKER_01
Rita Skeeter, Pumpkin Eater.
5
SPEAKER_01
And she s a gossip.
5
SPEAKER_00
She s a bad journalist.
5
SPEAKER_01
Right.
5
SPEAKER_01
And she breaks all these gossipy stories.
5
SPEAKER_01
And it turns out she s also a wizard.
5
SPEAKER_00
No, she s an unregistered anamagus, which means she can turn into a beetle fly, and that s how she s getting all this information, she s spying.
5
SPEAKER_00
Fly on the wall.
5
SPEAKER_01
Fly the proverbial fly on the wall.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s right.
5
SPEAKER_01
The proverbial, what was the thing I said the other day?
5
SPEAKER_01
The proverbial, and you wanted to know.
5
SPEAKER_01
Oh, the proverbial.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh, it was a proverbial goat-eating ball sack.
5
SPEAKER_00
Something like that.
5
SPEAKER_00
Eating goat balls.
5
SPEAKER_00
Eating goat balls.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, in a local community club.
5
SPEAKER_00
Well, I love Halloween and I hope everyone has a wonderful Halloween.
5
SPEAKER_01
I know that should have made us like less excited for Halloween.
5
SPEAKER_01
It actually made me more excited.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m so excited.
5
SPEAKER_00
I love the festivities.
5
SPEAKER_01
Me too.
5
SPEAKER_01
Well, I love you.
5
SPEAKER_01
Happy Halloween.
5
SPEAKER_00
Love you.
5
SPEAKER_00
Happy Halloween.
5
SPEAKER_02
Do you wanna sing a tune or something?
5
SPEAKER_02
We don t have a theme song for this new show, so here I go, go, go.
5
SPEAKER_02
We re gonna ask some random questions, and with the help of armchairies, we ll get some suggestions on the fly, right?