0
SPEAKER_02
Hello.
0
SPEAKER_00
Hey, who s this?
0
SPEAKER_02
My name is Sierra.
0
SPEAKER_02
I m from Maine.
0
SPEAKER_00
Sierra from Maine.
0
SPEAKER_00
What s going on?
0
SPEAKER_02
Not much.
0
SPEAKER_02
I m chilling here watching you on Xbox.
0
SPEAKER_00
That s cool.
0
SPEAKER_00
Well, Sierra from Maine, what do you want to talk about today?
0
SPEAKER_02
As you saw, my mom s kind of known as the family whore.
0
SPEAKER_00
You re just going to say that and then stop talking?
0
SPEAKER_02
I don t know.
0
SPEAKER_02
I ve never.
0
SPEAKER_02
So, yeah, I guess you could say my mom s the family whore.
0
SPEAKER_02
And I say that in the most polite way possible, if that is possible.
0
SPEAKER_02
She has slept with numerous members of my family.
0
SPEAKER_02
I have half brothers and half cousins due to this.
0
SPEAKER_00
Like she s inbred, like she s slept, like she s committed incest.
0
SPEAKER_02
No, it s not incest at all.
0
SPEAKER_02
Actually.
0
SPEAKER_02
Um, she slept with my dad s uncle.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s your dad s uncle.
0
SPEAKER_00
So she s, uh, so, so she, she slept.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
She slept with your dad s uncle.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, that s crazy.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
That s pretty crazy.
0
SPEAKER_00
What s your relationship with her?
0
SPEAKER_02
Like, um,
0
SPEAKER_02
It s been on and off a lot.
0
SPEAKER_02
Right now we re on.
0
SPEAKER_02
She is an addict.
0
SPEAKER_02
She is two completely different people when she is in use or not in use.
0
SPEAKER_00
And how old are you, Sierra, from Maine?
0
SPEAKER_02
I am 22.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_00
And now you and your mom are on now.
0
SPEAKER_00
What makes you guys on?
0
SPEAKER_00
What was it the transition to the off to the on?
0
SPEAKER_02
She drunk called me after not talking to her for six months.
0
SPEAKER_02
Actually, she drunk called my fiance saying that she needs my support to help her get back to sobriety and that she has breast cancer, but she lied about the breast cancer.
0
SPEAKER_02
But I think she did that because she knew that I wasn t going to talk to her unless it was an urgent thing.
0
SPEAKER_00
And it says here that she tried to sleep with your fiance.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
0
SPEAKER_02
That s originally why I stopped talking to her before she called me or called my fiance and tried to say she had breast cancer.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_00
And so what is it that made you decide you wanted to let her back into your life?
0
SPEAKER_02
Um,
0
SPEAKER_02
I mean, like I said, they ve always been kind of in and out of sobriety.
0
SPEAKER_02
And I think one of the biggest life lessons I ve learned overall being as young as I am is to take the good when you can.
0
SPEAKER_02
And I got to say, when my parents are sober, they are amazing people.
0
SPEAKER_02
And I really enjoy their company when they re cool.
0
SPEAKER_00
And how often are they cool these days?
0
SPEAKER_02
I d say it s on a two year loop, maybe a one to two year loop.
0
SPEAKER_00
Meaning, a loop is bad, what does that mean?
0
SPEAKER_00
Every other year?
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I d say like every other year they re sober and then every other year they re not sober or maybe every two years they re not sober and then maybe for one year or half a year they re sober.
0
SPEAKER_00
Are they sober now?
0
SPEAKER_00
No.
0
SPEAKER_02
Um, they were for a little bit and then I think they thought they were hiding it from me, but they re not very sneaky people.
0
SPEAKER_02
And, um, I know that they are drinking and they ve been a little more transparent with me lately.
0
SPEAKER_02
And I think they ve kind of caught on to the fact that all I want from them is transparency so that if they are going to use, I just want them to be healthy and responsible people about it.
0
SPEAKER_00
And are you or are they still together even after all the uncle fucking Surprisingly, yes, my dad is the biggest simp in the world I m so excited to title this episode.
0
SPEAKER_00
My mom s a whore and my dad is a simp It s the most catchy title in the world
0
SPEAKER_00
Um, no, I m probably not going to do that.
0
SPEAKER_00
Uh, why is your dad a simp?
0
SPEAKER_00
Tell me more.
0
SPEAKER_02
Um, well, my dad, he s just so incredibly in love with her.
0
SPEAKER_02
She is kind of out of league, looks wise, maybe not mentally, but, um, he s just a short, bald ginger dude with a lot of, with a lot of baggage and she s pretty, so.
0
SPEAKER_00
Well, that s cool that she s pretty.
0
SPEAKER_00
Who is it?
0
SPEAKER_00
Is it your fiance who s ragging on your dad?
0
SPEAKER_02
Is what?
0
SPEAKER_00
Is that your fiance in the background?
0
SPEAKER_00
It sounds like you are not alone.
0
SPEAKER_02
Oh, yes.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
0
SPEAKER_02
This is my fiance.
0
SPEAKER_00
OK, let me talk to him.
0
SPEAKER_02
OK.
0
SPEAKER_01
What up, Gak?
0
SPEAKER_00
Hey man, so your girlfriend s mom tried to have sex with you?
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I mean she was drunk and like her girlfriend s like godfather told me like don t feel special cause like everybody been there.
0
SPEAKER_00
What did she say to you exactly?
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh, she, she called up, I guess they were at like a bar and they were shit faced and they were like being like belligerent, right?
0
SPEAKER_01
And then, and then so like her sister was calling us going, they re at a bar.
0
SPEAKER_01
They don t know the fuck they are.
0
SPEAKER_01
And then she called and, and, and my fiance was, was being a little hysterical.
0
SPEAKER_01
So I was like, let me take the phone off.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m more calm.
0
SPEAKER_01
I can handle it.
0
SPEAKER_01
Right.
0
SPEAKER_01
So I took the phone.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m like, yo, like, no, I m not going to name names.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m like, yo, like what s up?
0
SPEAKER_01
How you doing?
0
SPEAKER_01
And she goes, she goes, I m doing a lot better now.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m talking to you.
0
SPEAKER_01
I was like, what are you?
0
SPEAKER_01
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
0
SPEAKER_01
What do you mean?
0
SPEAKER_01
Make sure you start by having me like pick her up.
0
SPEAKER_01
And it was very like, uh, it was a vibe there for sure.
0
SPEAKER_01
And it was like on speakerphone.
0
SPEAKER_01
And then so I drunk drove, not good, but.
0
SPEAKER_00
So I see you.
0
SPEAKER_00
Sorry, finish your story.
0
SPEAKER_01
No, you re good.
0
SPEAKER_01
You re good.
0
SPEAKER_01
You re good bro.
0
SPEAKER_01
No, it s still like, I m like shit house.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I m like, she s like, you have to go pick up my sister.
0
SPEAKER_01
I don t like being in that environment.
0
SPEAKER_01
So I m like, all right.
0
SPEAKER_01
So I went, it s like a 45 minute drive.
0
SPEAKER_01
I went, picked her up, and I get there and she s trying to talk to me.
0
SPEAKER_01
And then she like, she s like, you know, like- Wait, hold on.
0
SPEAKER_00
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
0
SPEAKER_00
Your fiance is like, hey, my sister s not safe.
0
SPEAKER_00
Can you drunk drive 45 minutes to pick her up and then drunk drive with her 45 minutes back?
0
SPEAKER_01
She was drunk too, but yeah, like, that was my point.
0
SPEAKER_00
But I don t know if I don t know if I would call that a significantly safer situation, but continue.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m a pretty good drunk driver.
0
SPEAKER_01
I get like, yeah, I get it, but I m good at it.
0
SPEAKER_01
Anyway, so she gave me like, she gave me like the longest like crotch in like hug that I ve ever had in my life.
0
SPEAKER_01
Or like the wettest smooch on the cheek.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I don t, it was just, it was, and it was in front of like her sister too.
0
SPEAKER_01
So this is all like well documented, you know, like, like nothing in private.
0
SPEAKER_01
So I was like, fuck.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_00
Um, so what did you do after that?
0
SPEAKER_00
Did you drive your, the sister back home?
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
And her dad and the dad is just watching his wife like kind of touch up all over you.
0
SPEAKER_01
So thank God he was asleep.
0
SPEAKER_01
I guess he was so drunk that he passed out on my drive on my long ass drive over.
0
SPEAKER_01
Because I was I was talking to her on the phone and I was like, yo, am I going to fight your dad right now?
0
SPEAKER_01
Which I m kind of down for.
0
SPEAKER_01
But I was like, I really don t know if I want to get into that right now.
0
SPEAKER_01
And she was like, you might, you might have to.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I m like, I kind of went in ready, but then I just got like hit on by like an old lady.
0
SPEAKER_01
So I was like, spend the alternative, I guess.
0
SPEAKER_00
All right.
0
SPEAKER_00
So, uh, what s your relationship like with them now?
0
SPEAKER_01
I m cool with them.
0
SPEAKER_01
It was a little awkward with her mom.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like I really, I was kind of flattered by the whole thing.
0
SPEAKER_01
Um, like,
0
SPEAKER_01
Realistically, but, uh, but my fiancee was obviously upset.
0
SPEAKER_01
So the relationship was
1
SPEAKER_01
kinda rocky for a little bit.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, your fiance not as flattered.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, so now between me and her mom, it s exactly didn t happen.
1
SPEAKER_01
Her dad, I think he s used to it.
1
SPEAKER_01
Rough for him, but yeah, couldn t be me.
1
SPEAKER_00
All right, let me talk to her again.
1
SPEAKER_00
All right.
1
SPEAKER_02
Hey, dude.
1
SPEAKER_00
Hey, what s up?
1
SPEAKER_02
You know.
1
SPEAKER_02
Talking to you, listening to my fiancé.
1
SPEAKER_00
So let s see, your mom is a whore and your dad is a simp.
1
SPEAKER_00
Those are your words, not mine.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yes, they are.
1
SPEAKER_00
Why do you think they re like that?
1
SPEAKER_02
I think they got together at a very young age.
1
SPEAKER_02
I think they had a lot of baggage and a lot of things in common with their baggage.
1
SPEAKER_02
I think there was a lot of
1
SPEAKER_02
drugs and alcohol involved, and then I think they ended up having a kid unplanned, aka me, and they just rolled with it.
1
SPEAKER_02
I gotta say, despite all the ups and downs in their relationships, they are always the best of friends, whether they are or aren t together.
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, that s wholesome.
1
SPEAKER_02
In a weird way.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if I would fuck my friend s uncle.
1
SPEAKER_02
I definitely would not personally.
1
SPEAKER_02
And if I were my dad in that situation, I would leave her.
1
SPEAKER_02
I ve told him multiple times.
1
SPEAKER_02
You could probably do better.
1
SPEAKER_02
But it s your choice.
1
SPEAKER_00
How long have you been together for?
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, gosh.
1
SPEAKER_02
I m not even sure.
1
SPEAKER_02
I think close to 30 years.
1
SPEAKER_00
coming up 30 years.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it s Oh, well, at this point, this is I mean, at this point, it s an open relationship.
1
SPEAKER_02
After 30 years thing is, they, they, I think there s a lot of confusion in the relationship, because I think it s so my parents, they originally, they met together on a military base, my dad was supposed to be a wingman for one of his friends.
1
SPEAKER_02
And then
1
SPEAKER_02
He got stranded at the bar with my mom, decided to hit on my mom, and then they, she fine zoned him for nine months.
1
SPEAKER_02
He finally asked her out, but he was switching bases.
1
SPEAKER_02
So he told her if she wanted to come with him, they had to get married.
1
SPEAKER_02
So they dated for like maybe five minutes and then got married.
1
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
1
SPEAKER_00
You would think that would implode after about two seconds, but it lasted, well, I guess it kind of lasted 30 years.
1
SPEAKER_02
It definitely hasn t floated a handful of time.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s crazy.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s really crazy.
1
SPEAKER_02
I m not saying I support it.
1
SPEAKER_02
I definitely don t.
1
SPEAKER_02
It s not my relationship.
1
SPEAKER_00
Um, not sorry.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m looking at the Twitch chat, but some people in the Twitch chat are saying that the dad low key kind of likes it.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I, and look, I m not here to, you know, uh, no, no, they used to be swingers actually.
1
SPEAKER_02
Um, so it originally started off as a closed off relationship and that wasn t really working out.
1
SPEAKER_02
So they tried to do an open thing, but then it just kind of turned into a jealousy thing.
1
SPEAKER_02
So then they tried to do it together.
1
SPEAKER_02
And then I guess it just got really awkward and really messy.
1
SPEAKER_02
Um,
1
SPEAKER_02
I remember as a kid them having like swinger parties and telling all of us kids to go into our room.
1
SPEAKER_00
And as a kid, they had the swinger parties while you were home.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, they just go to bed.
1
SPEAKER_02
I just I thought they told us all that their friends were probably going to come over and get too drunk or too high to drive home.
1
SPEAKER_02
So they laid out air mattresses everywhere.
1
SPEAKER_02
And you know, being a kid, I believed that.
1
SPEAKER_00
I really hope that, uh, you know, I really hope there was never any further situation in your childhood where, uh, one of your friends stayed over and so you blew up the air mattress.
1
SPEAKER_02
Um, unfortunately there has been and I ve thought back on that a lot.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, God.
1
SPEAKER_00
All right.
1
SPEAKER_00
Um, so, so you re back with your mom.
1
SPEAKER_00
You guys are cool now, sort of, kind of?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
Is that where we are?
1
SPEAKER_02
I think we re cool, but there s like this awkwardness in our relationship where it s almost like whenever we see each other, it s almost standoffish in a way like we re just trying to impress each other but at the same time, we enjoy each other s company.
1
SPEAKER_00
Now, what would she have to, what are the conditions of her continuing to be in your good favor?
1
SPEAKER_02
I told her she has to go to therapy.
1
SPEAKER_02
I want her to go back to work.
1
SPEAKER_02
I just need more consistency in our relationship.
1
SPEAKER_02
I told them that I would like to do piss tests on them if they want to see their granddaughter.
1
SPEAKER_02
Um, and any, any visitations with my daughter has to be supervised.
1
SPEAKER_02
Cause I don t want to take, um, Oh, I don t want to take that relationship away from my daughter of the grandparents.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s totally, I respect all of those, all of the, all of those criteria.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think those are all really great criteria.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I think that you re very giving to offer them to your mom.
1
SPEAKER_00
Right.
1
SPEAKER_02
Because I ve lived through a lot of weird shit and I ve learned the best thing you can do is just take the good when it comes and, you know, be as forgiving as you can, um, given the circumstances.
1
SPEAKER_02
No.
1
SPEAKER_00
No, I think that s I think that s totally big of you because a lot of people I think at the time when the if their mom tried to fuck their fiance and put them through a crazy
1
SPEAKER_00
crazy childhood they d be out you know yeah so I think for you to be like hey you can still be in my life but you gotta piss into a cup for me I think that s that s not only reasonable but that s that s very very big so all right I mean how s how s it been I has she kept up with any of this stuff she still has not joined therapy or gone back to work but she has to get she s like a nurse
1
SPEAKER_02
for yeah, she s a nurse and she has to get her license re like recertified or whatever.
1
SPEAKER_02
So she s going through that right now and she s going to go back to work as for therapy.
1
SPEAKER_02
I don t know what s going on with that.
1
SPEAKER_02
She seems to have excuses up the ass, but I ve been on her about it for a couple of months now.
1
SPEAKER_02
Still hasn t done it.
1
SPEAKER_02
I m about to lay some some lines in the sand, you know, some boundaries.
1
SPEAKER_00
Mm hmm.
1
SPEAKER_00
And how about the, the peeing in a cup?
1
SPEAKER_02
Um, my mom s very open-minded to it.
1
SPEAKER_02
Um, and she s willing to do it.
1
SPEAKER_02
My dad, on the other hand, he gets very angry anytime I bring it up.
1
SPEAKER_02
And so he has not.
1
Hmm.
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, those are your fucking criteria, man.
1
SPEAKER_00
He s gotta... He s gotta pee in that cup.
1
SPEAKER_02
I ll accept it as it is.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, you gotta pee in that cup.
1
SPEAKER_00
You gotta pee in the cup.
1
SPEAKER_00
No jizzing in the cup.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s not the right stuff.
1
SPEAKER_02
Well, also, when my mom called me about... Or, well, called Ben and tried to hit on him that same night, she also told him that she recently had an abortion with my cousin s husband.
1
SPEAKER_00
Jesus yeah, I told you I told you I told you there s more How much time he got I mean fuck I don t have anything else to do Just well I really do I really am like should I call this episode just you telling stories of your mom fucking all of your family members That s pretty crazy, man
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, well, well, good on you.
1
SPEAKER_00
I mean, this is cool.
1
SPEAKER_00
Are you excited about having a child?
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, yes.
1
SPEAKER_02
Um, I feel like I ve always wanted to be a mom.
1
SPEAKER_02
I mean, I definitely didn t plan on having a kid this young.
1
SPEAKER_02
I actually got pregnant very unexpectedly on birth control at 19.
1
SPEAKER_02
Um, none of us saw it coming, but when it happened,
1
SPEAKER_02
I couldn t bring myself to board it.
2
SPEAKER_02
I just, I just felt the need to keep her I felt like it was gonna set me straight and on this path of I don t know life and growing up and moving on from the situation I was in.
2
SPEAKER_02
And it did.
2
SPEAKER_01
So you got pregnant while you were on birth control?
2
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Really?
2
SPEAKER_01
What are the chances of that?
2
SPEAKER_02
Very unlikely.
2
SPEAKER_02
They say 1%.
2
SPEAKER_02
But I was on my doctor.
2
SPEAKER_02
I had an allergic reaction.
2
SPEAKER_02
We don t know what to.
2
SPEAKER_02
My doctor put me on antibiotics.
2
SPEAKER_02
And I guess apparently when you re on antibiotics, that cancels out your birth control.
2
SPEAKER_02
Nobody mentioned that to me.
2
SPEAKER_01
And is the guy I was talking to, is that the father of the kid?
2
SPEAKER_02
Yes, we ve been together for five years now.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, it worked out.
2
SPEAKER_01
There we go.
2
SPEAKER_01
See, you know, here s the thing.
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t know, man.
2
SPEAKER_01
I have all these, um, phone and people who regularly listen to the podcast know that, um, for some reason, uh, fucking 19, 18, 20 year olds having kids and getting married is like a big thing that people want to call in and talk about.
2
SPEAKER_01
And from my perspective, I m always like, that sounds like a terrible idea, but I also followed it up with, look,
2
SPEAKER_01
What the fuck do I know about what makes anybody in the world happy right because I m talking to you right now and you re seem to be doing pretty well and happy so you know good on you and keep Living living life, and I hope that your child never dies.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh Me too.
2
SPEAKER_02
I very much.
2
SPEAKER_02
Thank you
2
SPEAKER_01
I hope he becomes, I hope at the age of 100.
2
SPEAKER_01
No, I hope your child lives into the age of 200 and then becomes just a ball of blue light that ruminates forever.
2
SPEAKER_01
Actually, that sounds painful.
2
SPEAKER_02
He is already a ball of blue light.
2
SPEAKER_02
He s the light of our life.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s very nice.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s a nice thing to say after calling your mom a whore.
2
SPEAKER_01
Is there anything else that you guys want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
2
SPEAKER_02
Trust your instincts, and if your parents are pieces of shit, they re pieces of shit, but take the good for the bad.
2
SPEAKER_02
Take the good for the good and the bad for the bad.
2
SPEAKER_02
We love you, Gay.
2
SPEAKER_02
We love you.
2
SPEAKER_01
Thank you, guys.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, no, fuck the yellow line from Boston.
2
SPEAKER_02
We saw you.
2
SPEAKER_01
The yellow, wait, the yellow line, what s the yellow line?
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, you, oh, yes, I do remember that.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, you guys went to my Boston show.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Wait, but you re all the way in Maine.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, we were all the way in Maine.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, do you remember the guy with food tattoos at all?
2
SPEAKER_02
Probably not.
2
SPEAKER_01
With food tattoos?
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_02
When we took pictures with you, you stopped him and told him that you loved all of his tattoos because he has arm sleeves that are food tattooed themed.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, fuck.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m sure I meant that, but I do not remember it.
2
SPEAKER_02
Fair enough.
2
SPEAKER_02
Fair enough.
2
SPEAKER_02
When you re a celebrity like you.
2
SPEAKER_01
Are you coming back?
2
SPEAKER_01
I m coming to Boston soon.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, of course.
2
SPEAKER_01
Sweet.
2
SPEAKER_02
We re obsessed with you.
2
SPEAKER_01
Sweet.
2
SPEAKER_01
Awesome.
2
SPEAKER_01
Thank you, guys.
2
SPEAKER_01
Don t bring the baby.
2
SPEAKER_02
we don t plan on it we love her but oh my god she oh my god maybe bring the mom oh maybe nah i mean bring whoever the fuck you want we re very open with her we let her my family s insanely open with each other like to a disgusting point so
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, I m sure she would love to come up on stage and tell all of the family secrets, but that would be probably the length of the whole show.
2
SPEAKER_01
Thank you guys very much.
2
SPEAKER_01
I wish you both a happy life and universe and I ll talk to you guys soon.
2
SPEAKER_02
We love you guys.
2
SPEAKER_02
We love you.
2
SPEAKER_01
Bye guys.
2
SPEAKER_01
God bless.
2
SPEAKER_02
Bye.
2
SPEAKER_01
Hey folks, this is Lyle.
2
SPEAKER_01
I am very excited to announce that I am going back on tour in 2024 to do Therapy Gecko Live all across the country.
2
SPEAKER_01
If you ve never been to one of my live shows before, they re basically like giant group gecko therapy sessions where people from the audience come on stage to talk to a gecko about whatever they want, just like we do right here on the podcast.
2
SPEAKER_01
Plus,
2
SPEAKER_01
I mix in a few stories and presentations and little tidbits from my own life.
2
SPEAKER_01
Tickets are available right now at therapygeckotour.com or you can find the link in the episode description.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m announcing many more cities in the second half of the year, but right now, tickets are on sale for Phoenix, Arizona, Louisville, Kentucky, St.
2
SPEAKER_01
Louis, Missouri, Orlando, Florida, Tampa, Florida, Miami, Florida,
2
SPEAKER_01
Boston, Massachusetts, Denver, Colorado, Syracuse, New York, Albany, New York, Hartford, Connecticut, Nashville, Tennessee, Huntsville, Alabama, Chicago, Illinois, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, San Jose, California, San Francisco, California,
2
SPEAKER_01
Portland, Oregon, and Seattle, Washington.
2
SPEAKER_01
And you can get tickets for all of those cities at therapygeckotour.com.
2
SPEAKER_01
If you didn t hear me say your city, you can still go to the link and hit the RSVP button to get notified for when I do come to your city in the second half of the year.
2
SPEAKER_01
This is my third tour so far, and I think it s gonna be sick.
2
SPEAKER_01
So I hope to see you there.
2
SPEAKER_01
Thanks.
2
SPEAKER_01
Hello?
2
SPEAKER_01
Hey, what s up?
2
SPEAKER_01
What s going on?
2
SPEAKER_01
Do you have a child?
2
SPEAKER_01
I hear a child in the background.
2
SPEAKER_00
I do have a child, which is also, you know, factors into the problem I m having.
2
SPEAKER_01
Tell me about the problem you re having.
2
SPEAKER_00
So, you know, I get my texts.
2
SPEAKER_00
I robbed the Dairy Queen 10 years ago.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I went to jail for a little bit for whatever, you know.
2
SPEAKER_00
Fast forward now.
2
SPEAKER_00
you know, I have a job, decent paying, but I need more money to, you know, support my family.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I went to ask for a raise the other day.
2
SPEAKER_00
And lo and behold, they told me that I guess I m not doing my job very good and they can t give me a raise, even though, you know, in my mind, I m doing a great job.
2
SPEAKER_00
So very confused.
2
SPEAKER_00
But now,
2
SPEAKER_00
I m just, you know, I don t know what to do.
2
SPEAKER_00
Do I look for a new job or do I just stick it out here?
2
SPEAKER_00
Cause it s hard to find a job with a felony that pays decent.
2
SPEAKER_01
Did the job deny you a raise because you robbed the Dairy Queen?
2
SPEAKER_00
No, no.
2
SPEAKER_00
They, they knew about my felony when they hired me.
2
SPEAKER_00
And they said, you know, that they give people second chances.
2
SPEAKER_00
But I ve been the manager at the grocery store now for two and a half years.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I just feel like I deserve a raise.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m doing a good job.
2
SPEAKER_00
They don t want to give me one.
2
SPEAKER_00
I got my family s support.
2
SPEAKER_01
So I feel like there s definitely going to, I feel like there s definitely going to be a mission in grand theft auto six where you rob a dairy queen and then everyone s going to start thinking that that s cool.
2
SPEAKER_01
And it ll probably be easier for you to get a job then.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s true.
2
SPEAKER_01
Um, I could see that I, before we get into your problem, I do have a couple of questions.
2
SPEAKER_01
Um, well, how old are you?
2
SPEAKER_00
I m 28.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I was 18.
2
SPEAKER_00
And when I did it, I was on probation for a battery charge.
2
SPEAKER_00
So it just wasn t good.
2
SPEAKER_01
I really, I just have to ask, and I know that for a lot of things, and I have things like this in my life that I just can t explain why my brain was at a place at that time.
2
SPEAKER_01
Why a Dairy Queen?
2
SPEAKER_01
Because how much money, there s gotta be less than $2,000 in existing in total in any given Dairy Queen in the United States.
2
SPEAKER_00
No.
2
SPEAKER_00
It all started when one of my friends, he s going to throw this party and he needed money.
2
SPEAKER_00
You know, we needed money for some, you know, drugs and alcohol and everything.
2
SPEAKER_00
So this party and this other guy was like, Hey, I used to work at the Dairy Queen and I know when they take, you know, the money bags to the,
3
SPEAKER_00
at the bank.
3
SPEAKER_00
So, you know, we waited outside and then, I don t know, probably around like eight o clock at night, you know, dude is walking his car at the money bags and we jumped out and I ripped him out of his hand and we started running.
3
SPEAKER_00
And, you know, normally you would think someone would just, it was a small town, you know,
3
SPEAKER_00
So, you know, I would just normally think that someone would just call the cops, you know, and just report what happened.
3
SPEAKER_00
But this fucker, he followed us while he s on the phone with the cops.
3
SPEAKER_00
So we re running and he s following us and we split up.
3
SPEAKER_00
But I ended up getting away.
3
SPEAKER_00
I never got to see how much money we got because I got arrested the next day.
3
SPEAKER_00
But it was, I heard it was like less than 500.
3
SPEAKER_00
So it really wasn t worth it.
3
SPEAKER_00
Obviously not.
3
SPEAKER_00
But.
3
SPEAKER_00
Even if we got away, it really wouldn t have been worth it, but it was all for, you know, for a party.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s pretty much why.
3
SPEAKER_00
Hmm.
3
SPEAKER_01
Was there a, uh, uh, how did you jump them?
3
SPEAKER_01
Was there like a weapon involved?
3
SPEAKER_00
No.
3
SPEAKER_00
So originally I was like, well, yeah, let s just knock this guy out, you know?
3
SPEAKER_00
But my friend,
3
SPEAKER_00
I was like, no, like, don t.
3
SPEAKER_00
Cause he, he, he knew this guy that we were robbing that worked there.
3
SPEAKER_00
And so he didn t want him to get hurt.
3
SPEAKER_00
So whatever.
3
SPEAKER_00
So we just kind of hopped up.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m not even lying.
3
SPEAKER_00
This is, this is crazy.
3
SPEAKER_00
So we hop out and there s, you know, me and the guy I m Robin with and the, whatever the guy s name was that was working there.
3
SPEAKER_00
We like, we had masks on and stuff, but we re all looking at each other.
3
SPEAKER_00
Right.
3
SPEAKER_00
And he looks at the guy I m with and he says, he says his name.
3
SPEAKER_00
He s like David.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I m like, what the fuck?
3
SPEAKER_00
What are we doing?
3
SPEAKER_00
I didn t know what was happening.
3
SPEAKER_00
We re just standing there.
3
SPEAKER_00
So then I just kind of ran up and just snatched him out of his hands.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then that s when we started running.
3
SPEAKER_00
So it s from the start, it went terrible, but I was like, we re committed.
3
SPEAKER_00
We re already here.
3
SPEAKER_00
Can t just be like, Oh, it was a prank.
3
SPEAKER_00
So.
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, you know what s kind of cool is I feel you could actually if you wanted to you could rewrite the story When you know like in the interviews when they like all will say like hey, I noticed you had a felony here.
3
SPEAKER_01
What s up?
3
SPEAKER_01
you could say that you you just really wanted ice cream and you You you robbed them for big drums of mint chocolate chip and That might be a little bit quirky
3
SPEAKER_00
It s true.
3
SPEAKER_00
I had everyone texting me.
3
SPEAKER_00
They were like, I could have just bought you a blizzard.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I definitely, it wasn t my best.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_01
So I mean, throughout your life, have you encountered any times where this felony has, uh, impeded you from doing anything?
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
A hundred percent.
3
SPEAKER_00
I know one time me,
3
SPEAKER_00
And my wife, like in 2017, I believe, we tried to move to, uh, to Seattle from the Midwest.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I called shit, you know, probably about 60 places to try to find an apartment.
3
SPEAKER_00
And every single one denied me because of my felony.
3
SPEAKER_00
And it comes to jobs.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
They just see that felony and they re like, man, this guy s a piece of shit.
3
SPEAKER_00
Even though it was 10 years ago.
3
SPEAKER_00
What can I do?
3
SPEAKER_01
Hmm.
3
SPEAKER_01
So that happens whenever they run your, like your social security and whatnot.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
When they do have background checks, they just.
3
SPEAKER_01
Now when you Google around, when you Google around, what do you, what do you find on how you can, uh, uh, get that expunged?
3
SPEAKER_00
So.
3
SPEAKER_00
in Wisconsin you can only get it expunged if it s like pretty much requested at the time of your court and I had a public defender and so he well he s terrible and I didn t know any of this stuff until afterwards but and so that never happened um so the only way I can actually get it expunged now
3
SPEAKER_00
is if I send like pardon paperwork to the governor and he decides he wants to expunge my felony.
3
SPEAKER_01
The only way I have is like the fucking governor of Wisconsin has to expunge this personally.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yep.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s the only way I can get it expunged.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I have the paperwork 99 percent completed.
3
SPEAKER_00
All I have to do is the job history.
3
SPEAKER_00
And it s been that way for about a year now.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I just
3
SPEAKER_00
For whatever reason, I just haven t done it.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_01
Wait a minute.
3
SPEAKER_01
So is getting pardoned by the governor, is that like, uh, is that a crazy, like Simpsons thing or is that like a real thing you can do?
3
SPEAKER_00
No, that s the real thing.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I like got eligible for able to like request it like two years ago.
3
SPEAKER_00
It has to be like a certain amount of time go by since you ve committed your felony.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_01
All right.
3
SPEAKER_01
So why don t you do it?
3
SPEAKER_01
What s stopping you from doing it?
3
SPEAKER_00
I ll be honest.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_00
Maybe I m just nervous to get shot down again.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_00
But I really probably should, especially since I have a kid.
3
SPEAKER_00
But.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I mean, I mean, what?
3
SPEAKER_01
So you re just afraid that it ll get that your request will get shot down?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s something like that.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Just that, you know, just always going to be thought of as, oh, this guy s decent shit.
3
SPEAKER_00
But I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_00
I should do it.
3
SPEAKER_00
You should do it.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t see why you wouldn t.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I got nothing to lose, really, except I don t know how it works.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like if I get denied, if I have to wait then a certain amount of time to try again.
3
SPEAKER_01
But I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_01
I think maybe you got to go get some.
3
SPEAKER_01
You gotta get some dirt on the governor of Wisconsin.
3
SPEAKER_01
You control F the Epstein flight list for his name, you find that, you re getting that expunged immediately.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s true.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s true.
3
SPEAKER_00
He s kind of creepy when you look at him.
3
SPEAKER_01
The governor of Wisconsin?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, you could probably stake out him doing some shady shit.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
He looks like he d definitely be on that flight list.
3
SPEAKER_01
Um, well, let me think.
3
SPEAKER_01
How old s your kid?
3
SPEAKER_01
Two.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_00
He s two.
3
SPEAKER_00
So, you know, I feel like I have a good case here, you know.
3
SPEAKER_00
I haven t been in trouble in ten years.
3
SPEAKER_00
I got a two-year-old.
3
SPEAKER_00
I got a wife.
3
SPEAKER_00
I got, you know, a decent-paying job, you know.
3
SPEAKER_00
Maybe the governor would be like, yeah, that s enough.
3
SPEAKER_01
You ve paid for every ice cream cone you ve consumed in the past ten years, like a law-abiding citizen.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, man.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t know, man.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m not I m not I m not in your brain.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t know what s holding you back if it s a fear of rejection, but like you got a fucking kid and a wife and a whole Yeah, what do you what do you what do you what do you got to lose from sending in this paperwork?
3
SPEAKER_01
You know, it s not like they they re not gonna arrest you again.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, true.
3
SPEAKER_01
And man, I m not gonna put your face up outside of every Dairy Queen in Wisconsin.
3
SPEAKER_00
So funny enough, that Dairy Queen
3
SPEAKER_00
It got, it shut down about two months after we robbed it and they got torn down.
3
SPEAKER_01
You scared off the Dairy Queen.
3
SPEAKER_01
You scared Dairy Queen out of town.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s pretty fun.
3
SPEAKER_00
Um, but dude, yeah, I got so much shit for it in jail by the other inmates.
3
SPEAKER_01
How long were you, what kind of shit did you get for it?
3
SPEAKER_00
So originally,
3
SPEAKER_00
It was, I got charged with strong arm robbery.
3
SPEAKER_00
They got dropped down to a theft from a person or a corpse.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know why they have to have corpse on there.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s not like he s dead, but whatever.
3
SPEAKER_00
So they gave me, they gave me eight months in jail and then two and a half years probation.
3
SPEAKER_00
And they, I mean, they just kind of, you know, it s called me dumb shit, like, you know, like the DQ bandit and just gave me other crap about ice cream stuff.
3
SPEAKER_00
But, um, you know, it s a lot of interesting things in there.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like what?
3
SPEAKER_00
So I don t know if you ve ever seen, oh man, I got up in about six foot five and there was probably about a five foot six guy and he tried to fight him and it was pretty funny.
3
SPEAKER_00
He jumped up as high as he could and he swung and it still only hit this guy in the chest.
3
SPEAKER_00
And it was just like one of the funniest things I ve ever seen.
3
SPEAKER_00
But no, I saw a couple of fights in there.
4
SPEAKER_02
Pretty interesting, but the guards never ran in to stop it.
4
SPEAKER_02
I think they were probably betting on who would win if I had to guess Of all the ice cream related nicknames that you received do you remember any where you were like, all right, that s pretty good No, not really, I mean I ll be honest my memory kind of kind of sucks but just really just the geeky bandit is what they d call me and
4
SPEAKER_00
So you were in there for eight months.
4
SPEAKER_00
Did you go crazy at all?
4
SPEAKER_00
I mean, eight months is fairly long.
4
SPEAKER_02
So, so the first two months I was on the jail side waiting, like, and see what would happen to me.
4
SPEAKER_02
And every inmate was like, oh yeah, you re going to prison.
4
SPEAKER_02
You re, you re on probation for battery charge and you just committed a felony.
4
SPEAKER_02
You re going to prison.
4
SPEAKER_02
Oh, I was like, well shit, I m going to prison.
4
SPEAKER_02
I was just trying to like prepare myself.
4
SPEAKER_02
And then,
4
SPEAKER_02
When the time came, they just got that sentence.
4
SPEAKER_02
And then they moved me over to the Huber side for six months.
4
SPEAKER_02
And you know, the cells on the Huber side, there s like total, it can be like eight people in there.
4
SPEAKER_02
And I had six people in there with me and I got out for work release.
4
SPEAKER_02
So that was kind of fun.
4
SPEAKER_02
I worked at a casino.
4
SPEAKER_02
I ended up getting fired from that because I, uh, yeah, in the kitchen, I got fired from that because I was, uh,
4
SPEAKER_02
Other inmates worked at the casino.
4
SPEAKER_02
I was sneaking my sandwiches for free and they found out I got fired.
4
SPEAKER_00
All right, that s not that bad.
4
SPEAKER_00
As long as you weren t sneaking them ice cream cones, then you definitely you would be like, all right, I m the fucking ice cream bandit.
4
SPEAKER_02
Oh, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_02
And I know one time they wanted me to sneak some chewing tobacco back and I wasn t going to do it.
4
SPEAKER_02
So they had to have someone, cause I m not sticking anything up there, you know?
4
SPEAKER_02
So they had, uh, they had this other guy in there, bring it back.
4
SPEAKER_02
And I gotta say, it s one of the funniest things, man.
4
SPEAKER_02
We re sitting in that room and the dude comes back and he goes into the bathroom.
4
SPEAKER_02
He s in there for a while.
4
SPEAKER_02
He comes back and he s freaking out.
4
SPEAKER_02
He s like, dude, it won t come out.
4
SPEAKER_02
It won t come out.
4
SPEAKER_02
It s stuck.
4
SPEAKER_02
What do I do?
4
SPEAKER_02
What do I do?
4
SPEAKER_02
And we re all just laughing.
4
SPEAKER_02
And we re all like, dude, you got to get it out.
4
SPEAKER_02
He s like a pencil.
4
SPEAKER_02
I don t know, stick it up there, fish it out.
4
SPEAKER_02
And he almost started crying.
4
SPEAKER_02
He s like, well, what if it breaks and it all absorbs at my ass?
4
SPEAKER_02
He s like, I m going to die.
4
SPEAKER_02
It was hilarious.
4
SPEAKER_02
He was, he was freaking out so bad.
4
SPEAKER_00
Can you die from a plastic fork in your asshole?
4
SPEAKER_02
Well, he had like two tins up his ass.
4
SPEAKER_00
Two tins of chewing tobacco?
4
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_00
That guy s got a giant asshole.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God.
4
SPEAKER_00
How big were these tins?
4
SPEAKER_02
I mean, I don t chew, so I don t know how much tobacco is in a tin, but yeah, you have two tins up there.
4
SPEAKER_02
So, probably not the first time doing that.
4
SPEAKER_00
That ll give you quite the nicotine buzz.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
I can imagine.
4
SPEAKER_00
Well, what s your name again, man?
4
SPEAKER_00
Craig.
4
SPEAKER_00
Craig.
4
SPEAKER_00
Craig, so you have a kid now.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s cool.
4
SPEAKER_00
You got, you know, I hope I truly, man, I wish that you fill out the form because, um, I know it s easy to, uh, you know, be pessimistic and go, ah, this is never going to work.
4
SPEAKER_00
Why even try?
4
SPEAKER_00
But I mean, if the form is 99% filled out, you might as well.
4
SPEAKER_02
All right.
4
SPEAKER_02
And like, at first it was like, you know, as dumb as it sounds, it s kind of cool.
4
SPEAKER_02
having a felony on my wife, my, and you know, my wife said that when she, like, we, we met each other at work, and I was like a fry cook.
4
SPEAKER_02
And she said when she heard that I was a felon made her pussy wet.
4
SPEAKER_00
Well, there we go.
4
SPEAKER_00
It counted for something.
4
SPEAKER_02
It did.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
You know, and hey, if you re lucky, maybe it will make the governor of Wisconsin s pussy wet too.
4
SPEAKER_00
Craig, is there anything else you want to say to the people at the computer before we go?
4
SPEAKER_02
No, man.
4
SPEAKER_02
I appreciate everything, all the advice.
4
SPEAKER_02
I m going to go fill that form out.
4
SPEAKER_02
I m going to do it.
4
SPEAKER_00
Please do.
4
SPEAKER_00
Let me know how it goes.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I will, man.
4
SPEAKER_02
Have a good night.
4
SPEAKER_00
Take care.
4
SPEAKER_00
Maybe I should put, uh, maybe I should put that on my dating app profiles that I m a convicted felon.
4
SPEAKER_00
Maybe that ll, that ll up some of the matches.
4
SPEAKER_01
Hello.
4
SPEAKER_00
Hi there.
4
SPEAKER_01
Hey, is this the therapy gecko thing?
4
SPEAKER_00
Yes, is this Sydney?
4
SPEAKER_01
Yes, it s Sydney.
4
SPEAKER_00
What s going on, Sydney?
4
SPEAKER_00
What do you want to talk about?
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, I have a lot of anxiety over this plastic surgery thing I scheduled.
4
SPEAKER_01
And it s been really hard to find a job.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I already rescheduled it once.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I low-key can t afford it.
4
SPEAKER_01
But I think I m just going to do it anyways.
4
SPEAKER_00
You texted me and you said, I have a plastic surgery appointment in two weeks and I can t afford it, but I m going to have to do it anyway.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I m freaking out, LOL.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m ready to go into debt to feel sexy.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, pretty much.
4
SPEAKER_00
Can I ask you what the surgery is?
4
SPEAKER_01
Um, yeah, it s a, it s a eyelid surgery at the condition called ptosis, where one eyelid is droopier than the other.
4
SPEAKER_01
Um, it s not that noticeable, like, but if I take a picture or something, or even my ID, you can see one eye is lower than the other eye.
4
SPEAKER_01
And you have to fix both eyelids to make it even.
4
SPEAKER_01
It is like an insecurity that I have.
4
SPEAKER_00
Can I ask you how much the surgery is?
4
SPEAKER_01
$5,000.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
And, um, do you have like literally zero money right now?
4
SPEAKER_01
Uh, pretty much.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
Uh, I live with my mom, so I don t have to worry about rent or like that.
4
SPEAKER_01
But, uh, I don t have a job for a while, but I do have $6,000 in credit.
4
SPEAKER_00
$6,000 in credit.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
Um, now why do you feel like you want to, as you say, go into debt to feel sexy?
4
SPEAKER_01
Um, just because I ve always wanted to get the surgery done and I found like a good plastic surgery surgeon in Chicago.
4
SPEAKER_01
And, um,
4
SPEAKER_01
I just thought, if I don t do it now, I m just never going to get it done.
4
SPEAKER_01
If I just cancel it straight up, I m just never going to get it done.
4
SPEAKER_01
I feel like.
4
SPEAKER_00
What makes you think that?
4
SPEAKER_01
Um, cause I don t know.
4
SPEAKER_01
I just, I feel like it s a now or never situation.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s probably not, but like, that s just how my brain makes it feel.
4
SPEAKER_01
Um, I feel like I m just going to end up just going through with it anyway.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then just.
4
SPEAKER_01
work really hard at like jobs I didn t want to take and then just pay it off over time.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s sounding and it s sounding to be like this is the wrong time to do it.
4
SPEAKER_00
You know, I mean, you said now or never, you, you are, you are clinging to the idea that you have to do it now when you are in just a terrible position for it.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I just, I don t know why you are clinging to that idea.
4
SPEAKER_00
Hmm.
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m not really known for making good decisions like that.
4
SPEAKER_01
But, uh, I don t know.
4
SPEAKER_01
I just, it s just like a self-conscious thing.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like no one else really cares about it.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like, except for me, like it s just a me thing.
4
SPEAKER_00
Um, did you put a deposit down already?
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I did.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
So, I mean, so you re doing the surgery.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I technically have to pay... What is it?
4
SPEAKER_01
Four?
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, less than four.
4
SPEAKER_01
I forgot how much I put down, but it is less than four, but it is still pretty high up there.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
Well, all right.
4
SPEAKER_00
So, I mean, so, I mean, listen, there s nothing at this point I m going to say to you that will influence the outcome because you have already put down a deposit on this surgery.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
So are we, are we, are we just deciding if we ve made the right decision so we can, uh, analyze our decisions better in the future?
4
SPEAKER_01
I guess so.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
Walk me through how you are feeling.
4
SPEAKER_01
Um, I m feeling dumb, feeling nervous.
4
SPEAKER_01
Uh,
4
SPEAKER_01
Lots of anxiety About what?
5
SPEAKER_02
Having to work the jobs paying off the debt Yeah, about like me having to go through like probably working a few jobs Is there any way you can get this deposit back or is that cut I guess the point of a deposit?
5
SPEAKER_03
Okay, well How old are you? 25
5
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_02
I mean, uh, look, everybody has at least one very, uh, questionable financial decision to talk about in their lives.
5
SPEAKER_02
Um, I don t know if I talked about this before, but I once, uh, I once met a guy at a hostel who, uh, told me that he would get me started in real estate if I gave him $1,500 in cash.
5
SPEAKER_02
And I did.
5
SPEAKER_02
Because, um, and he left the hostel, but his shoes were still there.
5
SPEAKER_02
Like he left his shoes in the room.
5
SPEAKER_02
So I was like, well, he s probably, I mean, there s no way he just took my money and left.
5
SPEAKER_02
He s got to come back for these shoes.
5
SPEAKER_02
And he did not come back for the shoes.
5
SPEAKER_02
Um, so I mean, look, everyone has at least one, uh, dumb money story, but, uh, I mean, look, you ll work off the debt.
5
SPEAKER_02
You ll get yourself back to zero and, uh, things will be okay.
5
SPEAKER_02
You know, you re not, uh, you don t have kids to feed.
5
SPEAKER_02
You don t have, um, you have college debt.
5
SPEAKER_02
Do you have any other debt?
5
SPEAKER_03
Um,
5
SPEAKER_03
Actually, I do have college debt, but I haven t paid it at all, and nothing bad happened yet, and my credit score is still 750, so.
5
SPEAKER_02
I really do feel like this is like the Dave Ramsey show sometimes.
5
SPEAKER_02
Okay, well, where are you going to work these two jobs?
5
SPEAKER_03
I didn t want to go back to fast food, just because I have autism, so it makes
5
SPEAKER_03
I can force myself to work jobs that are overstimulating, but it just really sucks and it s bad for my mental health.
5
SPEAKER_03
I m just going to have to force myself to go back to fast food.
5
SPEAKER_03
Or back to the warehouse.
5
SPEAKER_03
I did work warehouse jobs.
5
SPEAKER_02
Could you day trade Bitcoin?
5
SPEAKER_02
What are some jobs you could do?
5
SPEAKER_02
Like, could you, you ever do, you ever flip mugs on eBay?
5
SPEAKER_02
There s all sorts of things you can do for money.
5
SPEAKER_03
I do sell some of my collections.
5
SPEAKER_03
I do sell some of my, some stuff that like overcrowd my room.
5
SPEAKER_03
I have like a big Hello Kitty collection and other anime stuff.
5
SPEAKER_03
I do resell every once in a while.
5
SPEAKER_02
Cindy I Hope you enjoy your new eyelid That s that s what I want.
5
SPEAKER_02
That s what I want is here s the thing if you re gonna pay $5,000 for an eyelid don t feel like you did it already right so I mean look if don t feel dumb and stupid about it because then it s like Well, you paid $5,000 for the eyelid fucking enjoy the eyelid that you paid for because you re feeling dumb and stupid about it is is like
5
SPEAKER_02
is the dumb option, right?
5
SPEAKER_02
Because you ve already paid the money.
5
SPEAKER_02
Just enjoy your eyelids.
5
SPEAKER_02
I mean, if I were you, and I get it, everybody has, you know, self-consciousnesses and insecurities that feel nice to fix.
5
SPEAKER_02
But, you know, if I were you, I probably wouldn t do something like this again in the future.
5
SPEAKER_02
But enjoy your fucking eyelids, you know?
5
SPEAKER_02
Don t feel bad about it.
5
SPEAKER_02
You got the eyelids.
5
SPEAKER_02
Get them.
5
SPEAKER_02
Walk out of that operating table happy as day.
5
SPEAKER_02
You got your new eyelids.
5
SPEAKER_02
Congratulations.
5
SPEAKER_02
Cindy, is there anything else you wanna say to the people at the computer before we go?
5
SPEAKER_03
Definitely be smarter about your money choices and don t be like me.
5
SPEAKER_03
That s all I gotta say.
5
SPEAKER_02
All right, you take care, Cindy.
5
SPEAKER_03
All right, thank you.
5
SPEAKER_03
Love you.
5
SPEAKER_02
I once bought a year of Brazzers for like, I don t know, a hundred plus something dollars.
5
SPEAKER_02
And then I found out there s all this porn on the internet for free.
5
SPEAKER_02
Imagine how dumb I felt.
5
SPEAKER_02
Jack?
5
SPEAKER_02
Hello?
5
SPEAKER_02
Hey, what s going on?
5
SPEAKER_02
Not much, man.
5
SPEAKER_02
How are you?
5
SPEAKER_01
I m good.
5
SPEAKER_01
How are you?
5
SPEAKER_02
I m good, too.
5
SPEAKER_02
You sound crazy on the phone.
5
SPEAKER_02
Most people sound far away.
5
SPEAKER_02
You sound too close.
5
SPEAKER_00
Should I back up?
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, back up a little bit.
5
SPEAKER_02
What are you on?
5
SPEAKER_01
A cell phone, like I would imagine most people.
5
SPEAKER_02
All right.
5
SPEAKER_02
Matt, what s going on?
5
SPEAKER_02
How s life?
5
SPEAKER_01
Life s doing good.
5
SPEAKER_01
I got my dog right here, watching some Therapy Gecko, enjoying a day off.
5
SPEAKER_02
Beautiful.
5
SPEAKER_02
Beautiful.
5
SPEAKER_02
Uh, what d you want to talk about today, Matt?
5
SPEAKER_01
Uh, well, it s kind of a crazy story.
5
SPEAKER_01
So I wanted to talk about your show in Chicago and what was going on while I was there.
5
SPEAKER_01
Um, so basically long story short is I got on antidepressants just before your show and kind of went a little manic for awhile.
5
SPEAKER_01
I was dating this girl at the time and I ended up cheating on her, I think right before your show.
5
SPEAKER_01
Um, and the show went so good that we actually, I couldn t do it.
5
SPEAKER_01
Like I had to like stay together with her.
5
SPEAKER_01
I was going to break up with her.
5
SPEAKER_01
We ended up staying together for like another month.
5
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_02
You, you wait, you cheated on your girlfriend and then my show was so good that it made you stay with her.
5
SPEAKER_01
We had such a fantastic date.
5
SPEAKER_01
We were discussing breaking up, um, all throughout, like,
5
SPEAKER_01
the past couple weeks, uh, you know, it was a really hard couple of weeks.
5
SPEAKER_01
Uh, then we decided like, okay, one more date.
5
SPEAKER_01
We already had these tickets or I already had the tickets.
5
SPEAKER_01
Uh, so I said, you know, come with me and we ll see how it goes.
5
SPEAKER_01
And then we ll decide afterwards.
5
SPEAKER_01
It was such a good date.
5
SPEAKER_01
We got some, uh, ramen right across the street and, uh, I think you were at Lincoln launch, right?
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_02
Wait, did she know that you cheated on her?
5
SPEAKER_01
I was gonna break up with her the day of or the day after or whatever.
5
SPEAKER_01
But the antidepressants just really fucked with me.
5
SPEAKER_01
And either was you had a really good show and I wanted to like stay together or... Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
5
SPEAKER_02
Did she know that you cheated on her?
5
SPEAKER_01
Oh, yeah, yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
So this was your show was about April or something.
5
SPEAKER_01
And then I don t know why.
5
SPEAKER_02
I don t know why you keep needing my show to answer this question.
5
SPEAKER_01
It was such a good show.
5
SPEAKER_02
Matt, does she know that you cheated on her?
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
So we ve broken up.
5
SPEAKER_01
I came clean and I told her everything, trying to start new.
5
SPEAKER_01
And obviously that didn t go well.
5
SPEAKER_01
So I m sitting here single with my dog.
5
SPEAKER_02
Wait, I guess you guys aren t together.
5
SPEAKER_01
No, no.
5
SPEAKER_01
She s my ex now.
5
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_02
Let me try to understand this.
5
SPEAKER_02
You cheat on her.
5
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_02
And then you guys go to my show.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yep.
5
SPEAKER_02
And then you tell her that you cheated on her.
5
SPEAKER_00
Um, like two weeks later, we took a little bit of a break, like
5
SPEAKER_01
After the show, we decided like, okay, let s take some break, like some time apart.
5
SPEAKER_01
Uh, when we were supposed to meet up the day after the break ended, I decided to tell her and come clean.
5
SPEAKER_02
And that was like a month after it happened?
5
SPEAKER_00
Uh, probably like two, three weeks.
5
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_02
I don t, I don t, I guess I don t know.
5
SPEAKER_02
Well, I mean, thanks for the kind words about the show, but I don t know what, if it has anything at all to do with your relationship, unfortunately.
5
SPEAKER_02
I thought this was going to be a story of, I thought, I thought I was going to start having to advertise my show as, Hey, if you cheated on your girlfriend, just buy her tickets to therapy gecko and she ll forgive you.
5
SPEAKER_02
But that does not sound like it is what happened.
5
SPEAKER_01
Our relationship was teetering and you know, I shouldn t have done what I did.
5
SPEAKER_01
Um,
5
SPEAKER_01
And then the show was just so good that we, I decided to like give it a chance.
5
SPEAKER_01
But I think the main story was, I don t know if you have anybody here like on antidepressants or anything, but I went crazy for like two, three weeks.
5
SPEAKER_01
Um, I was really out there.
5
SPEAKER_01
I think they call it like a manic state.
6
SPEAKER_01
And I was just absolutely wired for two weeks.
6
SPEAKER_02
What, what are you doing now?
6
SPEAKER_01
What am I doing now?
6
SPEAKER_01
I got off the pills, working on myself outside of the pills, going to therapy, not just geckos, but you know, human therapy.
6
SPEAKER_01
Um, and yeah, just trying to do it naturally.
6
SPEAKER_01
Well, that s good.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
The antidepressants for about two weeks, I didn t sleep.
6
SPEAKER_01
Maybe a couple hours, I was barely eating.
6
SPEAKER_01
It was absolutely crazy.
6
SPEAKER_01
And that s when that all happened.
6
SPEAKER_01
So I kind of convinced myself for a while that it happened in that manic state because of the pills.
6
SPEAKER_01
But after all this time, after, you know, eight months, whatever it s been, I ve kind of admitted now you just you did it.
6
SPEAKER_02
Was it taking you a long time to admit that you cheated on your girlfriend?
6
SPEAKER_01
It has taken me a long time to like seek forgiveness for myself.
6
SPEAKER_01
So we haven t talked since I told her.
6
SPEAKER_01
Um, and that s like the really hard part is if she would have forgiven me, I would have been able to forgive myself.
6
SPEAKER_01
But when it s just me, uh, you know, it s, it s a lot harder to forgive yourself when there s no,
6
SPEAKER_01
I guess outside a source of forgiveness.
6
SPEAKER_01
I m still not even 100% there.
6
SPEAKER_02
How long did you say it s been since you talked to her?
6
SPEAKER_01
Eight months or so.
6
SPEAKER_02
Well.
6
SPEAKER_02
Well, man, I don t know, man.
6
SPEAKER_02
Look, I m glad that you re taking pills.
6
SPEAKER_02
Wait, you re not?
6
SPEAKER_02
Are you taking pills or you re not taking pills?
6
SPEAKER_01
No, I m not taking pills.
6
SPEAKER_01
This is a warning against the pills.
6
SPEAKER_01
So I actually got them off the erectile dysfunction website, HIMS.
6
SPEAKER_02
Oh, Jesus.
6
SPEAKER_02
All right.
6
SPEAKER_02
Don t take any fucking pills.
6
SPEAKER_02
Don t take any pills that you get from a Pornhub ad.
6
SPEAKER_01
I know.
6
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, maybe I ll just try them out before I actually go get diagnosed or whatever.
6
SPEAKER_01
And man, I was wired.
6
SPEAKER_01
And because I got them from him, I couldn t like talk to a doctor and say like, hey, I m feeling this way.
6
SPEAKER_02
So Matt, you re telling me that you bought Adderall off of Pornhub that was so good, it made you cheat on your girlfriend?
6
SPEAKER_01
Is it Adderall?
6
SPEAKER_01
I don t know what it was.
6
SPEAKER_01
But man, I was like, everything made me happy for like, two weeks, three weeks, whatever it was.
6
SPEAKER_02
Would describe it like being tickled like everything may be happy, but it was also kind of torture Well I m coming back to Chicago in I think May I Know yeah, if you have any other relationships that you need to mend Yeah, no, I ll be there.
6
SPEAKER_01
Hopefully with somebody that I don t cheat on I
6
SPEAKER_02
Well, uh, I would like to be the first one to remind you that that is within your control.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yes, it is.
6
SPEAKER_02
Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go, man?
6
SPEAKER_01
Uh, don t get antidepressants from boner websites.
6
SPEAKER_02
Take care, man.
6
SPEAKER_01
Alright, thank you.
6
SPEAKER_02
Maybe I should start my own line of gecko boner pills.
6
SPEAKER_02
Okay, let me think.
6
SPEAKER_02
Lizard.
6
SPEAKER_02
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