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This is the story of how a group of people brought music back to Afghanistan by creating their own version of American Idol.
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The joy they brought to the nation.
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You re free completely.
0
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No one is there to destroy you.
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The danger they endured.
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They said my head should be cut off.
0
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I m John Legend.
0
SPEAKER_03
Listen to Afghan Star on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
0
SPEAKER_00
Hey everyone, this is Molly and Matt, and we re the hosts of Grown Up Stuff How to Adult, a podcast from Ruby Studio and iHeart Podcasts.
0
SPEAKER_02
It s a show dedicated to helping you figure out the trickiest parts of adulting.
0
SPEAKER_00
Like how to start planning for retirement, creating a healthy skincare routine, understanding when and how much to tip someone, and so much more.
0
SPEAKER_02
Let s learn about all of it and then some.
0
SPEAKER_02
Listen to Grown Up Stuff How to Adult on America s number one podcast network, iHeart.
0
SPEAKER_02
Open your free iHeart app and search Grown Up Stuff.
0
SPEAKER_01
A new season of Bridgerton is here.
0
SPEAKER_01
And with it, a new season of Bridgerton, the official podcast.
0
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I m your host, Gabby Collins.
0
SPEAKER_01
And this season, we are bringing fans even deeper into the ton.
0
SPEAKER_01
Watch season three of the Shondaland series on Netflix.
0
SPEAKER_01
Then fall in love all over again by listening to Bridgerton, the official podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
0
SPEAKER_01
Subscribe to catch a new episode every Thursday.
0
SPEAKER_05
Wait a minute, I m trying to make everyone happy.
0
SPEAKER_05
I m doing all this stuff for everyone else but myself.
0
SPEAKER_05
Let me just like pull back a second, focus on myself.
0
SPEAKER_05
And then it seemed like everyone else was happier.
0
SPEAKER_03
The best-selling author and host.
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SPEAKER_03
The number one health and wellness podcast.
0
SPEAKER_05
On Purpose with Jay Shetty.
0
SPEAKER_04
Hey, everyone.
0
SPEAKER_04
Welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world.
0
SPEAKER_04
Thanks to each and every one of you that come back every week to become happier, healthier, and more healed.
0
SPEAKER_04
And I am so excited to be talking to you today.
0
SPEAKER_04
I can t believe it.
0
SPEAKER_04
My new book, Eight Rules of Love, is out, and I cannot wait to share it with you.
0
SPEAKER_04
I am so, so excited for you to read this book, for you to listen to this book.
0
SPEAKER_04
I read the audiobook.
0
SPEAKER_04
If you haven t got it already,
0
SPEAKER_04
Make sure you go to 8rulesoflove.com.
0
SPEAKER_04
It s dedicated to anyone who s trying to find, keep, or let go of love.
0
SPEAKER_04
So if you ve got friends that are dating, broken up, or struggling with love, make sure you grab this book.
0
SPEAKER_04
And I d love to invite you to come and see me for my global tour, Love Rules.
0
SPEAKER_04
Go to jscheddytour.com to learn more information about tickets, VIP experiences, and more.
0
SPEAKER_04
I can t wait to see you this year.
0
SPEAKER_04
Now, today s guest is someone that I ve been wanting to speak to for years, and I m so grateful that I finally have the opportunity.
0
SPEAKER_04
I first DMed her in 2018.
0
SPEAKER_04
I m going to show her in a second, saying, Kim, I would love to interview you.
0
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What did I know?
0
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I didn t even have a podcast then.
0
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But I m so grateful that five years on, she s in the studio.
0
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I m speaking about the one and only Kim Kardashian.
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Entrepreneur, business mogul, and producer, Kim first burst onto the scene in 2007 after the premiere of a hit e-entertainment reality series, Keeping Up With The Kardashians, which my wife is a huge fan on.
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That ended in 2021 after 20 seasons and the Kardashian and her family announced in December of 2020 that they had signed a multi-year deal with Hulu to create the Kardashians which began airing in April 2022 and is currently filming season 3 and they re here right now.
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Kim is passionate about the fight for criminal justice reform and has been studying for a law degree through the apprenticeship program in the state of California.
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In 2020, she launched a podcast with Spotify, Kim Kardashian s The System, The Case of Kevin Keith, which went to number one.
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SPEAKER_04
Kim s the founder of Skims, Skin by Kim, and in September of 2022, she announced the launch of private equity from Sky Partners with Jay Sammons.
0
SPEAKER_04
Welcome to the show, Kim Kardashian.
0
SPEAKER_04
Kim.
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SPEAKER_05
Thank you so much for having me.
0
SPEAKER_04
Thank you for being here.
0
SPEAKER_05
I can t believe you DM d me.
0
SPEAKER_04
I did.
0
SPEAKER_04
In 2018.
0
SPEAKER_05
Can I show you?
0
SPEAKER_05
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_04
I want to show you because... Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_05
Sorry, it s taken me so long to get back to you.
0
SPEAKER_04
I mean, I m not saying it to make you feel sorry.
0
SPEAKER_04
I m saying it because I want you to know how much I appreciate you being here.
0
SPEAKER_05
Oh my gosh.
0
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There you go.
0
SPEAKER_05
Yes.
0
SPEAKER_05
August 4th, 2018.
0
SPEAKER_05
Would love to meditate together.
0
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Let me know if it s something you d like to try.
0
SPEAKER_05
I would love to interview you.
0
SPEAKER_05
Here we go.
0
SPEAKER_05
Well, here we are.
0
SPEAKER_04
Here we are.
0
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_04
I wanted to say this on camera.
0
SPEAKER_04
We were just talking about it offline just now, but
0
SPEAKER_04
your family has been so wonderful to me in so many ways.
0
SPEAKER_04
And I ve had so many beautiful interactions with Chloe, first of all.
0
SPEAKER_05
She loves you.
0
SPEAKER_05
That s where I first became aware of you, from Chloe sending videos and clips of some of the really positive things that you put out there in the universe.
0
SPEAKER_05
And we have a positivity chat for our family.
0
SPEAKER_05
And so we put really sweet things to get us in good moods and motivated and start our day.
0
SPEAKER_05
in a really good space.
0
SPEAKER_05
And so you re in there a lot.
0
SPEAKER_04
Oh, I love that.
0
SPEAKER_04
That makes me happy.
0
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_04
And she was the first.
0
SPEAKER_04
And then I recently connected to Kendall and she came on the show and it was just beautiful how openly she shared.
0
SPEAKER_04
And then that led to me meeting your mom at the People s Choice Awards and then having dinner with her recently.
0
SPEAKER_04
And I was just, I want to say this because I think people just don t understand.
0
SPEAKER_05
Have you been to a Taco Tuesday?
0
SPEAKER_04
I have not been to a Taco Tuesday.
0
SPEAKER_05
Oh, sorry.
0
SPEAKER_05
No Tattle Tuesday.
0
SPEAKER_05
Tattle Free Tuesday.
0
SPEAKER_05
I don t know.
0
SPEAKER_05
I m getting, I don t want to get in trouble.
0
SPEAKER_04
Your mom did the nicest thing.
0
SPEAKER_04
So my wife wasn t there with me, but we re both vegan.
0
SPEAKER_04
And so she had Chloe s chef make us a vegan meal.
0
SPEAKER_04
And I was saying to you earlier that I literally felt like I was at my friend s mom s house.
0
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Like that s how she made me feel.
0
SPEAKER_04
That s how she is.
0
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, really beautiful feeling.
0
SPEAKER_05
She is the best.
0
SPEAKER_05
She s so warm.
0
SPEAKER_05
She just loves everyone to feel welcomed.
0
SPEAKER_05
She makes sure everyone is thought of.
0
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And that s one of my favorite qualities of her that I will never,
0
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get over and never forget.
0
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And always, it s just how she makes people feel.
0
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
0
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Well, I hope you feel very welcome and safe today.
0
SPEAKER_04
I do.
0
SPEAKER_04
And I want to dive right in.
0
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I, uh,
0
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I was thinking about this, you ve been traveling so much lately, I feel from what I see on Instagram, like you ve been to Paris and Japan and London, and then you re going to be starting to shoot for the new show.
0
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And I just feel like you re always on the move.
0
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I wonder when was the last time you went somewhere where someone didn t know who you were?
0
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Or actually, was there a moment where someone said to you, who are you?
0
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What do you do?
0
SPEAKER_04
Like, when was the last time you had an interaction like that?
0
SPEAKER_05
You know what, in Japan, it s like that.
0
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Everyone s really respectful.
0
SPEAKER_05
Even if they might recognize you, they don t ask for photos.
0
SPEAKER_05
And it s a really amazing experience.
0
SPEAKER_05
I think it s important just to listen.
0
SPEAKER_05
I love my life.
0
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I love everything that comes along with it.
0
SPEAKER_05
I am not complaining.
0
SPEAKER_05
But a little glimpse of that, I think, especially for the little ones, is so good.
0
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, no, that s definitely a beautiful experience.
0
SPEAKER_04
I think it s nice for everyone to feel wanted and loved and then also feel unseen.
0
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_04
Like we almost crave both of those.
0
SPEAKER_04
I was thinking about it today.
0
SPEAKER_04
You re always surrounded by film crews and, you know, you have like 352 million people that follow you on Instagram.
0
SPEAKER_04
I wonder, do you prioritize time alone?
0
SPEAKER_04
Do you get time alone?
0
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And what does that look like?
0
SPEAKER_05
I do.
0
SPEAKER_05
I get up really early.
0
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My morning workout really is my, I don t want to say therapy session because it s not like I m really communicating things, but even if I m quiet and I m in my zone, that s my mental health check every morning.
0
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I love my workout.
0
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It keeps me sane.
0
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I can t say that enough.
0
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That s my time in the morning.
0
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Then
0
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As soon as everyone starts to get up for school, the madness happens.
0
SPEAKER_05
And it s about two hours of madness from getting four kids ready in the morning, fed, out the door.
0
SPEAKER_05
to school, I drop off school every day.
0
SPEAKER_05
And then I have a little bit of time, I d say about 20 minutes, driving back where I just blast my music.
0
SPEAKER_05
I don t take any calls.
0
SPEAKER_05
That s my alone time.
0
SPEAKER_05
I love it.
0
SPEAKER_05
And then I get to the house and I start my full work day and I m committed and focused.
0
SPEAKER_05
And then the madness of bath time, bedtime, dinnertime,
0
SPEAKER_05
And once four babies are asleep and I just cherish that time at night when everyone s asleep and I can watch whatever show I want and just have some alone time.
0
SPEAKER_05
So I do take the time for myself.
0
SPEAKER_05
I think it s really important.
0
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, absolutely.
0
SPEAKER_04
You, you said something beautiful before we started recording and I, I definitely want to go in that direction because you were talking about the different platforms and how you can show different parts of yourself, but you came here because there was something specific and I d love to hear that because I want to go in that direction with you.
0
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I love your podcast.
0
SPEAKER_05
I ve seen it.
0
SPEAKER_05
And I ve seen, I think I just love seeing the, the reels that pop up with just a quick message that ll get you through the day.
0
SPEAKER_05
That ll remind you who you are, remind you what you need to come across and see at that moment in that day and carry you through the day.
0
SPEAKER_05
So I think it s important for people to express like how they feel and who they are a little bit deeper and what s in their heart.
0
SPEAKER_05
And I think that s kind of what this podcast is about.
0
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_04
And I think, thank you for trusting me.
0
SPEAKER_04
I really do value that and I don t take it for granted.
0
SPEAKER_04
Uh, but the.
1
SPEAKER_01
Interesting thing there is I feel like there s a beautiful statement in Japanese culture says that we have three faces.
1
SPEAKER_01
One face we show to the world.
1
SPEAKER_01
The second face we show to our friends and family and the third face no one sees.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I wonder when you re talking about your values and who you are, what s the part of you that you think no one gets to see in all these other places that you want to share today?
1
SPEAKER_00
Hmm.
1
SPEAKER_00
I definitely think I show all my faces, but I do think that people pick and choose what they want to take from you.
1
SPEAKER_00
I do share journeys of mine that have been challenges, whether it s like law school and different projects and how starting a business and all of that.
1
SPEAKER_00
I definitely weave that in throughout, but I think that anytime you have the opportunity to express yourself in a more meaningful way, I think it s always a good
1
SPEAKER_00
thing to do, especially since I m just a big fan of you and what you represent and who you are.
1
SPEAKER_00
So I always love to share my tips and anything that I ve learned along the way, because God knows it is not easy.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like parenting is so hard.
1
SPEAKER_00
Family dynamics, relationships, it is so hard.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s really interesting you say that because when I was speaking to your mom, she was saying that about you.
1
SPEAKER_01
She was saying that you re the person that for anyone in your family, no matter how busy you are, you ll go completely out of your way.
1
SPEAKER_01
She was telling me about a particular incident, but she was just saying that you will just
1
SPEAKER_01
Dive in, book everyone on the flight, get everyone there, get to that person, help them, support them.
1
SPEAKER_01
And even when it s someone who s not directly connected to you, but is indirectly connected, and I m sure you know what I m talking about, but the idea of just, you reach that far out.
1
SPEAKER_01
And when I was hearing that about you from her,
1
SPEAKER_01
I was thinking that that takes so much compassion and care from your side.
1
SPEAKER_01
And those are not two words that on some of the other platforms that people may hear about you, but that s what I m getting, talking to your mother about you.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I wonder,
1
SPEAKER_01
How have you, I feel family is the cause for so much stress for people, it s the cause for so much anxiety for people, and as you said, it s hard.
1
SPEAKER_01
How have you continued to lean in to compassion and care even when it s easier to compare and criticize and complain?
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, with family, I mean, I was always raised like no matter what, blood is thicker than water.
1
SPEAKER_00
There s no other options.
1
SPEAKER_00
So we definitely go through our things as sisters.
1
SPEAKER_00
There s no other options.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like we will work it out.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like we are family.
1
SPEAKER_00
We are sisters.
1
SPEAKER_00
We will figure it out.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I think you just have to, I think also more compassion comes with age and the more things that you ve been through.
1
SPEAKER_00
Especially I think my heart has opened up so much in that space, just spending time even with people behind bars that I m fighting for.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I might not have even had the slightest idea of what someone s gone through or even understood taking the time to listen to people.
1
SPEAKER_00
more than maybe speaking and making it about yourself.
1
SPEAKER_00
And my compassion has just grown and my empathy has grown on another level.
1
SPEAKER_00
You can t really judge people for their pace on when they choose to really want to dig deep into their own compassion and empathy and when people choose to grow and evolve.
1
SPEAKER_00
but it s so nice to have people that support that journey and grow with you because once you realize that this life really isn t about you and it s about helping as many people as you can, all these like doors open up for you and your mind just opens up and it s a really great place to be when you feel like you have enough, when you would chase things for so long and when you just feel content
1
SPEAKER_00
It s such a good place to be and it s such an, like allows for so much more compassion.
1
SPEAKER_01
I think, and I want everyone to go back and listen to that part.
1
SPEAKER_01
I feel like you just beautifully defined compassion and I m going to try and reiterate what you just said.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it was just, it was so well said because I think people think about compassion as care and you just defined it by pace.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I think when you re patient for the pace at which people grow and evolve, that actually is compassion.
1
SPEAKER_00
There s nothing worse when someone is like so woke and they re on this therapy journey and they expect you to be right there with them.
1
SPEAKER_00
But it s a beautiful thing to sit back and watch people make mistakes, learn from their mistakes,
1
SPEAKER_00
grow and evolve and just be there to hold their hand and support them.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think that s what anyone would want.
1
SPEAKER_00
I ve seen so many people on these like self-help journeys that just
1
SPEAKER_00
aren t as happy, you know?
1
SPEAKER_00
And I think you just have to like sit back and do what works for you and move at your own pace and understand that it s okay that you re not at the same level as someone else.
1
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I m just such a, like everything happens the way it s supposed to.
1
SPEAKER_00
I love just people in their own journeys and I never try to be so preachy or to think that someone has to be in my place.
1
SPEAKER_00
And at the level where I ve evolved to, it s great when your friends have the same kind of epiphanies as you and you want the same things, but then sometimes it s just not like that.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, definitely.
1
SPEAKER_01
There s, you ve, you brought two things to my mind.
1
SPEAKER_01
One was what real love is like when you really love your family.
1
SPEAKER_01
You don t love them because they change.
1
SPEAKER_01
You re patient with them as they try to change.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s what love is because they may or may never get to the other side.
1
SPEAKER_01
And the other thing that came to mind is something my teachers would often tell me, my monk teachers, they would often repeat to me that you re never trying to get someone to the next step in your journey.
1
SPEAKER_01
You re trying to get them to the next step in their journey.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I think you re so right that when we re doing self-work, we are constantly preaching to other people about the things we want to hear and the things we want to do.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
And like self-work can just be so different for so many people.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know, like my morning workouts, I swear that s my self-work.
1
SPEAKER_00
My drive in the car every day, blasting whatever music I want to, like that is my meditation.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s my zone.
1
SPEAKER_00
And that works for me.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know, when I need help and I need
1
SPEAKER_00
help figuring out different parenting things and different methods that I can use, I will reach out and get the help that I need when I need it for sure.
1
SPEAKER_00
But I also think there s just, there s no like right method of what works for everyone.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know, it s like whatever works for you, good for you.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, absolutely.
1
SPEAKER_01
Absolutely.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I feel like when, when people see you and even, even now as you re talking, you have so much trust.
1
SPEAKER_01
in yourself or trust in your inner voice.
1
SPEAKER_01
That doesn t mean I don t believe you re saying, I always get it right, or this is the only way.
1
SPEAKER_01
What you re actually saying is, I ve learned to trust my voice.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I wonder, was there a time when you didn t trust that voice?
1
SPEAKER_01
Or can you remember the first time where you started to hear it?
1
SPEAKER_01
I remember the first time I really started to hear my voice deeply was probably when I was 14 years old.
1
SPEAKER_01
And that s when I could hear this voice inside of myself that was like, Jay, this is who you are.
1
SPEAKER_01
This is what you care about.
1
SPEAKER_01
This is what matters to you.
1
SPEAKER_01
You don t need to be this or be that or do it this way.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I remember I started listening to it then.
1
SPEAKER_01
And now that inner voice is really loud.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s always there.
1
SPEAKER_00
God, I wish I listened to my inner voice at 14.
1
SPEAKER_01
Do you remember when you first started like, because when I m speaking here during you now, you re just like, yeah, like I m very comfortable with people being themselves and I m comfortable with being who I am, which is beautiful.
1
SPEAKER_01
But when did that, I feel so many people want to live that way, but that s the thing we all struggle with.
1
SPEAKER_00
It definitely didn t come right away.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know, I was a people pleaser and I would make
1
SPEAKER_00
decisions based off of other people s happiness for so long.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I would say, honestly, in the last few years, definitely at 40, you know, I figured it out of just following my happiness, which was really, I think, an important place for me to get to because I always put other people s happiness over my own.
1
SPEAKER_00
And it doesn t mean you disregard other people s feelings and it doesn t mean you don t care and you don t love them.
1
SPEAKER_00
But it is a great place to be when you finally put yourself first.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I will say that took a long time.
1
SPEAKER_00
And that was like relying on other people for confidence in business decisions.
1
SPEAKER_00
And it s great to have your team and to always like bounce ideas and make sure that you re collectively picking the right choice and work thing for you.
1
SPEAKER_00
But true confidence where you feel you re making the right decisions,
1
SPEAKER_00
you know, you got it.
1
SPEAKER_00
You are thinking about yourself first and not just in a selfish way, but like in a protecting your heart way.
1
SPEAKER_00
It feels really good.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I might not have gotten there until I was literally 40.
1
SPEAKER_01
And what do you think it was about the last
2
SPEAKER_01
few years where you had to turn towards that, that pushed you there?
2
SPEAKER_00
I ve never been an unhappy person.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m always really happy with my surroundings.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t need people to make me happy.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m not really ever searching for something.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m really content.
2
SPEAKER_00
My babies make me happy, my family, my life, you know, experiences make me happy.
2
SPEAKER_00
But when you just look around and when there s like tension and stress that is just not necessary from work, from relationships, from friendships, and you just decide to be still and not try to please everyone,
2
SPEAKER_00
it becomes just really clear and you realize that you just want to be happy and you want to share this life and these experiences with your group of people that you trust and you love and who are super loyal.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like life is always going to be stressful and you can t control half of it.
2
SPEAKER_00
But if you can control what you put out and how you react to all of life s stresses and your response to all of that and realizing that
2
SPEAKER_00
you could eliminate a lot of those stresses with making yourself happy first and choosing yourself, then you know you re on the right path.
2
SPEAKER_00
And once I did that, and once I chose
2
SPEAKER_00
to choose myself and be happy, so many opportunities just opened up.
2
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Things that I never thought in a million years would come my way.
2
SPEAKER_00
It seemed like clear as day that the universe was rewarding me for choosing myself and like elevating
2
SPEAKER_00
like getting to the next level in the video game, like I had to get here.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I was always like here just in my growth process.
2
SPEAKER_00
And once I chose myself, it was like, Oh my God, the whole, the universe is opening up for you.
2
SPEAKER_00
And all these opportunities are coming my way.
2
SPEAKER_00
And those were the confirmations that I was heading in the right direction.
2
SPEAKER_00
I remember saying that to one of my sisters, I was like,
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God, it is so crazy.
2
SPEAKER_00
I got this opportunity, this opportunity, this is changing, this is changing.
2
SPEAKER_00
And it seemed like all these amazing things started to happen in my life when I just took a second, was still, realized, wait a minute, I m trying to make everyone happy.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m doing all this stuff for everyone else but myself.
2
SPEAKER_00
Let me just like,
2
SPEAKER_00
pull back a second, focus on myself.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then it seemed like everyone else was happier because everything was just falling into place.
2
SPEAKER_00
And that was like, I saw it clear as day.
2
SPEAKER_00
And that would like push me and motivate me to continue to just be happy and do what I wanted to do instead of what other people wanted to do.
2
SPEAKER_00
And that was like, it was like a good feeling.
2
SPEAKER_00
It really like showed me that I was making the right decisions.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m so happy for you.
2
SPEAKER_01
Thank you.
2
SPEAKER_01
Genuinely.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s like a good place to be when you re genuinely a happy person.
2
SPEAKER_00
You know?
2
SPEAKER_00
Like no complaints.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like not taking things too seriously.
2
SPEAKER_00
Not taking yourself too seriously is also a little key to happiness.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I think the energy that gets lost in worrying about something versus working towards fixing it or solving it.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Can just drain.
2
SPEAKER_00
The worrying, the worrying, if you worry about something, it s not going to change the outcome.
2
SPEAKER_00
Let s just come up with a solution.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like, let s say what the problem is, not complain.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m not a complainer.
2
SPEAKER_00
So it s like, let s just get to the solution.
2
SPEAKER_00
Let s figure it out and let s move on.
2
SPEAKER_01
Hmm.
2
SPEAKER_01
Absolutely.
2
SPEAKER_00
Nothing worse when you complain every step of the way.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
And, and it s, and it s natural and it s easy, but it, we all know it doesn t get you to where you want to go.
2
SPEAKER_01
And, and I think that s, that s a big reason.
2
SPEAKER_01
What s the, uh,
2
SPEAKER_01
I wonder with what you were saying, one of the big things that comes out as you were talking about family and people in your life and you talked about your life as chat, like there s this loyalty is such a big value for you across your life it seems.
2
SPEAKER_01
What have you learned about people that you wish you learned sooner?
2
SPEAKER_01
Was there something that you started to learn and recognize patterns in people and that
2
SPEAKER_01
has made you better now, but you wish like, oh, if I learned this a couple of years sooner, then it could have saved me a lot of the stress and challenges that came up.
2
SPEAKER_00
Don t take anything personally.
2
SPEAKER_00
I ve been really blessed to have really great, solid relationships.
2
SPEAKER_00
I have the same group of best friends.
2
SPEAKER_00
We went to preschool together.
2
SPEAKER_00
We talk every single day.
2
SPEAKER_00
My best friend is my best friend since the day I grow up, you know, when I was born.
2
SPEAKER_00
The people I work with, my family,
2
SPEAKER_00
my sisters, but my best friend s sisters also, you know, and everyone I trust a hundred percent.
2
SPEAKER_00
Everyone is so loyal a hundred percent.
2
SPEAKER_00
You can t come up to me and tell me something about one of my friends.
2
SPEAKER_00
If, if like someone were to say, Oh, this person said this about you and they re in my circle, I would be like, absolutely not.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like I would trust that a hundred percent.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I think that s so rare, or what I ve seen is so rare.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I just feel so lucky to just love everyone around you, trust everyone around you.
2
SPEAKER_00
They trust you.
2
SPEAKER_00
My friends know they can call me any hour.
2
SPEAKER_00
I ll be the first one to pick up and help.
2
SPEAKER_00
All of my friends would drop everything to help me in a situation.
2
SPEAKER_00
And to have that real support and love, I think, is everything in life.
2
SPEAKER_00
To have loyal, supportive people around you.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I think you can also tell so much about a person that has really long-standing relationships.
2
SPEAKER_00
That stability.
2
SPEAKER_00
When I look to hire people, I look at their previous jobs and how long they ve had those relationships for.
2
SPEAKER_00
And think about it, if there s someone that s bouncing from job to job, obviously there could be other situations that come into place, but I value people that have these long standing relationships with people, whether it s their employer or family.
2
SPEAKER_00
And that s super important to me to have all my friends have really important relationships in their life.
2
SPEAKER_02
A new season of Bridgerton is here.
2
SPEAKER_02
And with it, a new season of Bridgerton, the official podcast.
2
SPEAKER_02
I m your host, Gabrielle Collins.
2
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And this season, we are bringing fans even deeper into the ton.
2
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Colin Bridgerton has returned from his travels abroad.
2
SPEAKER_02
Is Betrothal written in the stars for the eligible bachelor?
2
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Meanwhile, the ton is reverberating with speculation of who holds Lady Whistledown s pen.
2
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We re discussing it all.
2
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I sit down with Nicola Coughlin, Luke Newton, Shonda Rhimes, and more to offer an exclusive peek behind the scenes of each episode of the new season.
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Watch season three of the Shondaland series on Netflix.
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Then,
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Fall in love all over again by listening to Bridgerton, the official podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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Subscribe to catch a new episode every Thursday.
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Guess what, Mango?
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What s that, Will?
2
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So iHeart is giving us a whole minute to promote our podcast, Part-Time Genius.
2
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I know, that s why I spent my whole week composing a haiku for the occasion.
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It s about my emotional journey in podcasting over the last seven years, and it s called Earthquake House.
2
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Mango, I m going to cut you off right there.
2
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Why don t we just tell people about our show instead?
2
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Yeah, that s a better idea.
2
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So every week on Part-Time Genius, we feed our curiosity by answering the world s most important questions.
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is William Shatner s best acting work in Esperanto.
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Also, what happened to Esperanto?
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Plus, we cover questions like how Chinese is your Chinese food?
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And of course, is there an Illuminati of cheese?
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There absolutely is.
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And we are risking our lives by talking about it.
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But if you love mind blowing facts, incredible history and really bad jokes, make your brains happy and tune into part time genius.
2
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Listen to Part Time Genius on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.
2
SPEAKER_03
Hey, everyone, this is Molly and Matt and we re the hosts of Grown Up Stuff How to Adult, a podcast from Ruby Studio and iHeart Podcasts.
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It s a show dedicated to helping you figure out the trickiest parts of adulting.
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like how to start planning for retirement, creating a healthy skincare routine, understanding when and how much to tip someone, and so much more.
2
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We re back with season two of the podcast, which means more opportunities to glow up and become a more responsible and better adult, one life lesson at a time.
2
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And let me just tell you, this show is just as much for us as it is for you.
2
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So let s figure this stuff out together.
2
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This season, we re going to talk about whether or not we re financially and emotionally ready for dog ownership.
2
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We re going to figure out the benefits of a high yield savings account.
2
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And what exactly are the duties of being a member of the wedding party?
2
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All that plus so much more.
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Let s learn about all of it and then some.
2
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Listen to Grown Up Stuff How to Adult on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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I think that says a lot about you and the family because I wonder what it takes to hold on to a relationship like that when you re on a rocket ship.
3
SPEAKER_02
I feel like all of us deal with shifts in our life, transitions, and family and friends that we want to hold on to.
3
SPEAKER_02
But it gets harder and harder, especially when there s success, when there s envy, when there s competition.
3
SPEAKER_02
And sometimes it s not because someone doesn t love you, doesn t care about you.
3
SPEAKER_02
It s so natural in the world we live in.
3
SPEAKER_02
And so what does it really take?
3
SPEAKER_02
Because I think this will help a lot of people.
3
SPEAKER_02
What does it actually take?
3
SPEAKER_02
to hold on to someone you love and continue with all the noise and all the challenges and all the stress that comes with it, what does it actually take?
3
SPEAKER_02
Because it s tough.
3
SPEAKER_00
But then there s those friends that you don t have to talk to every day.
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean, thank God for group chats where you can chime in and heart something really quick, you know, but like your real best friends will also support you and it take, but it s, it takes that mutual respect.
3
SPEAKER_00
Because what my friends are doing, if they have something that s important to them, it s just as important for me to show up for them as it is for them to show up for me.
3
SPEAKER_00
I might have a more colorful life and a bigger event that I m asking them to show up to, but it doesn t mean that theirs isn t just as important.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I think just having that mutual respect, treating people with respect is just.
3
SPEAKER_00
a given, I truly think someone is such a solid person when they have really grounded relationships, grounded in love and, and relationships can be different things.
3
SPEAKER_00
You know, sometimes you have your group of girlfriends that you love to go on vacation with.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then sometimes you have, you know, your other friends that
3
SPEAKER_00
you work really well with, every relationship can be different.
3
SPEAKER_00
If you have just a mutual respect around the, across the board, that s, I think the number one thing.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_02
It takes two.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_02
It takes two.
3
SPEAKER_02
Totally.
3
SPEAKER_02
That s the point.
3
SPEAKER_02
It s, you re not going to be able to create it or falsely hold onto it.
3
SPEAKER_02
Someone who doesn t want to give you that respect.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_02
It s not going to happen.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_02
You were talking about earlier about parenting and you brought it up a few times that I wonder how you view- You don t have kids, do you?
3
SPEAKER_02
Not yet.
3
SPEAKER_02
Not yet.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_00
We ll have this conversation again when you do.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yes, absolutely.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s what I m asking.
3
SPEAKER_02
That s what I m asking parenting questions.
3
SPEAKER_02
What was your vision like for what you thought parenting was going to be like versus what it actually is?
3
SPEAKER_00
Everyone says the days are long and the years are short and that couldn t be like a more true statement.
3
SPEAKER_00
So like when you re in it, I mean,
3
SPEAKER_00
especially when they re babies and you re feeding and there s madness going on, it s like full madness.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s the best chaos though.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like my mornings, you have no idea what s going on.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s like, I always have to do one of my daughter s hair and it has to be perfect and it has to be a certain way.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then this one needs me to put his shoes on and they all need you.
3
SPEAKER_00
And they all, it s like full crazy madness cooking,
3
SPEAKER_00
running around, like it s wild.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s why I need my workout in the morning just to like prepare for the two hours of craziness.
3
SPEAKER_00
I d say parenting is the thing that has taught me the most about myself.
3
SPEAKER_00
it has been the most challenging thing.
3
SPEAKER_00
There are nights I cry myself to sleep, like what just happened, you know, with all the moods and the personalities and sometimes they re fighting and there s no one there.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like it s, it s me to play good cop and bad cop.
3
SPEAKER_00
So like that is definitely a challenge when, you know, something I m working on is being a little bit firmer, you know,
3
SPEAKER_00
There s nothing that can prepare you.
3
SPEAKER_00
Anyone, any person that says, oh, we re waiting to have X amount of money in the bank.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, we re waiting to have a home before we have kids.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, I m waiting for this job to come in before we have kids.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t care how long you wait.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t care what you re waiting for.
3
SPEAKER_00
You are never prepared, but you will figure it out.
3
SPEAKER_00
And it will make you so proud of yourself that you figured it out and that you got through the day.
3
SPEAKER_00
And sometimes it s nights where it s just, we are going hour by hour to see if we re gonna survive.
3
SPEAKER_00
Night by night.
3
SPEAKER_00
If a tantrum comes in, oh my God, your life is completely upside down.
3
SPEAKER_00
But it teaches you so much more about yourself
3
SPEAKER_00
than I think anyone, any parent could have ever anticipated.
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean, there is nights when you don t wash your hair for days as a mom and you have spit up all over you and you re wearing the same pajamas, you know, and there s just nothing that can prepare you for this experience.
3
SPEAKER_00
It is the most challenging, rewarding job on this planet.
3
SPEAKER_02
When was the moment when you were looking into your baby s faces and.
3
SPEAKER_02
Said I want to run away.
3
SPEAKER_00
I need to hide for a night every night.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m just kidding.
3
SPEAKER_02
No, no.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_02
No, thank you.
3
SPEAKER_02
It s, I mean, it s honest.
3
SPEAKER_02
I think there s a, there s a little bit of truth in that feeling that a lot of parents have.
3
SPEAKER_02
What s, what s the hardest.
3
SPEAKER_02
When you look into their faces and you had one of these moments where you were learning these lessons, what was the hardest lesson you had to learn about yourself that made you go, whoa, I didn t see that before.
3
SPEAKER_02
If it wasn t for that kid, I wouldn t have seen that.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it happens all the time.
3
SPEAKER_00
I always think everything in life comes our way to really teach us something.
3
SPEAKER_00
And it s a really hard task when you have four kids and they all want to be put to bed at the same time.
3
SPEAKER_00
by the same person.
3
SPEAKER_00
And they all want to do it individually and have that experience.
3
SPEAKER_00
And no one wants to wait.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I m locked in a room with kids banging outside of the door because they want me to put them to bed.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I m like, I can t cut myself in four pieces.
3
SPEAKER_00
So we re going to have to schedule this out.
3
SPEAKER_00
And we re coming up with a schedule and none of them want to listen to the schedule.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then they all start crying.
3
SPEAKER_00
And that s like a typical night, you know?
3
SPEAKER_00
And so I like sit them outside of my one daughter s door and I m like, I ll pick you up next.
3
SPEAKER_00
We re doing this for 15 minutes and they can t be patient.
3
SPEAKER_00
And they re banging on the door.
3
SPEAKER_00
Come on, it s been five minutes.
3
SPEAKER_00
You know, it s like those nights are every single night, big school projects, big things that are happening.
3
SPEAKER_00
And they don t understand that I work or I have a school schedule too, or, you know, stuff kids will never understand.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I think it s just,
3
SPEAKER_00
those nights when you can t divide yourself and you have to just work with what we have.
3
SPEAKER_00
and try to bribe two of them to get put to bed at the same time.
3
SPEAKER_00
I think unless you re a parent, like so much respect to parents, so much respect to people also that aren t parents, that want to live their free life.
3
SPEAKER_00
Enjoy it while you can.
3
SPEAKER_00
I was at Easter on Palm Springs and I looked at my mom s house and she had her table set for all of her kids, all of her grandkids.
3
SPEAKER_00
and we re all staying in her house.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, it s a forever thing.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s not like, hey, okay, you re 18 and you re on your own.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s a forever thing.
3
SPEAKER_00
And we re in our forties and we re still coming at her and fighting and asking my mom to resolve everything.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I look at her and I m like, how did you do it?
3
SPEAKER_00
I personally can t wait for my kids to get a little bit older.
3
SPEAKER_00
Everyone like is so afraid of the teenage phase.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m so excited for it.
3
SPEAKER_00
play this back for me when they re teenagers.
3
SPEAKER_00
But I see the relationship I have with my mom and I knew the relationship I had with my dad and how comfortable we were talking to them.
4
SPEAKER_00
about all of our problems and all of our friends stuff and all of the drama and all of the high school stuff, and even the stuff I talk to my mom about now and how open I am about life and relationships and how close we are, even if we didn t get it as a kid, I can look at her now and say, I get it.
4
SPEAKER_00
As a mom now, as an adult now, I know why you made those decisions.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I love having that relationship.
4
SPEAKER_00
And that is why I wanted to have four kids.
4
SPEAKER_00
I saw my mom, you know, and my dad had four together before she had my two little sisters.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I loved the big family.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I always knew I wanted to have four kids.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I just love so much our relationship with her and my grandma.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I just can t wait to have that with my kids.
4
SPEAKER_00
I can t wait till they re old enough to understand so much that I can never explain to them now that they ll get one day and we can laugh about it.
4
SPEAKER_01
That s so beautiful.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, you reminded me of a beautiful old saying that says, the day you realize your parents were right, your kids are telling you that you re wrong.
4
SPEAKER_00
Mm-hmm.
4
SPEAKER_00
So true.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
And it s like that idea of just your, when you re a little boy, you like adore your mom.
4
SPEAKER_01
At least I did up until like 13 years old.
4
SPEAKER_01
Then you become a teenager and you think you re too cool for your mom.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then in my twenties.
4
SPEAKER_01
You re always back.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
I have like contracts with my sons.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m like, you re never going to leave me.
4
SPEAKER_00
We always have to be besties.
4
SPEAKER_00
You re never going to be too cool for me.
4
SPEAKER_00
And they always say yes.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m like, you can live with me in your twenties, your thirties, never move out.
4
SPEAKER_00
They said, okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
They ve signed the contract?
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, and they have no idea?
4
SPEAKER_00
They ll breach it.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
It ll be okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, you won t sue them.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
But the, I wonder how in your position, like, you know, what you just described is what so many people go through.
4
SPEAKER_01
And like you said, it s so hard for them to experience that.
4
SPEAKER_01
But when you re explaining things like the paparazzi, or like you were saying that when you were in Japan, like you didn t have that experience.
4
SPEAKER_01
And that was so nice for the kids.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like, how do you walk them through the nuances of the life that you lead
4
SPEAKER_01
And I m guessing a lot of their friends also have similar lives, but I m sure they have some friends who don t have parents like yourselves.
4
SPEAKER_01
And so how do you help them reconcile?
4
SPEAKER_01
Or what are the kind of things that you talk about with them?
4
SPEAKER_01
Or what can they understand at this age?
4
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And what are you like, well, that s just going to have to wait?
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I ll talk to my kids about anything they want to ask me about.
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I am so open and honest with my kids.
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I think that s the only way to be.
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And it could be things that they might not understand and I ll wait to find the appropriate time to talk about it.
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I think they grew up seeing the cameras and they grew up seeing that even as babies, you know, we d walk out and there d be paparazzi.
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So it s not really something that they,
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acknowledge a lot, but you know, my daughter s really vocal.
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She ll tell them when she doesn t want them around and to leave her alone and to stop.
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And I love that they use their little voices, but they also have such a normal life and such a different life away from all of that too.
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And that s why I love that my sisters and I all had babies at the same time so they can be with each other and have these experiences together.
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Absolutely.
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When I m, you know, there s all the words that come out from you are like togetherness, loyalty.
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It s, it s, it s incredible to see it in family, but I think what you ve then done, which when I saw you do this, it, it really moved me when I saw you kind of move into that direction of justice reform and using your voice and training to be a lawyer to make these, these changes in the world out there.
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Because I find that,
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you know, there s a natural sense of survival as a family.
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But then when you start taking into account the survival of others, there s an extension of love and, you know, what goes out to the world.
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And I think it was really special to see that.
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And this podcast is called On Purpose for a reason, because I think everyone s searching for their purpose.
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Would you say that that was a expression of purpose or?
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Absolutely.
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I mean, I think that s one of those moments, like by chance, I happen to be looking on social media and seeing a case that I just didn t understand.
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And I m always a really curious person.
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So I ll never let something go if it s weighing on my heart to not at least try to figure out how it happened.
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I ve always been really interested in crime stuff and solving things and figuring things out.
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So when I saw a case of a woman that just didn t make sense to me, I was really curious and I sent this little video that popped up on my Twitter to attorneys that I knew really well that could answer questions for me.
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And then when it seemed like I couldn t just sit there, it was really weighing on my heart when I felt like it was so unfair.
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I didn t know that there was like thousands of cases that were so unfair.
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I just thought, oh, wow, like I have to help this person.
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And then when I was successful in doing that, on my journey, I realized like, wait, there s so many more people like this.
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Like I can t not do something.
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And I think that that also goes with whatever s meant to come to you at your own pace for your own learning levels.
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is what s meant to be because that came to me.
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I wasn t like searching for that and that changed my life and it changed who I am.
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I just can t sit around and see this happen to other people that aren t deserving of their freedom.
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I think just everyone s on their own path and things will come to you when you need to be like elevated to that growth level.
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And I m really grateful for those experiences because I definitely think that that s my purpose.
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What internal changes did you see in yourself that that maybe you didn t see before when you started doing this work?
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Like what did you have to grapple with internally?
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Was there anything that you had to break through inside?
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Yeah.
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What were those things?
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I would say I always felt like I was a compassionate person and a caring person, and I always cared about people s feelings.
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But my level of empathy was at a completely different level when I started.
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I might have been way more judgmental.
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And I would think that someone that was behind bars, especially for a really lengthy or a serious crime, that they probably were absolutely guilty.
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I had no compassion.
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I was just really judgmental.
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And then when I started to hear about these cases and people s backstories and their histories and realized that so many people really didn t have the opportunities to be better and didn t know better.
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it really changed my whole life.
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And like my level of empathy is just so different than what it was years ago.
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And I think that s why I fight so hard for people to get second chances because people make really bad choices and really bad mistakes.
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Some way, way worse than other people.
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But if you re never given the chance
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to change, that s really sad, especially if you make a really bad decision as a teenager and then you re in your 40s and you re given no shot to change when you really already maybe have so much.
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It was really important to me to express that and help people that have made those changes.
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And I love how I m assuming that when you do something like that in the outside space, it kind of applies to your whole life where all of a sudden you re so right that I think we all, not even people behind bars, I think we all judge people all the time.
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And when you re almost doing it in such an extreme way and raising your empathy in such an extreme environment, you can now extend that and express that to so many more people because you ve had to do it in a way where you were like, oh, definitely that person deserves it.
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Yeah.
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And all of a sudden you start realizing maybe they didn t deserve that.
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Yeah.
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And so maybe we don t deserve this.
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I think, you know.
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But in all levels of life of judgment.
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I used to judge people and like their relationships and
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how people lived their lives.
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And now I m like, whatever makes you happy, why should we judge?
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Who are we to say how people should live their lives?
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My judgment is just, I don t know if it comes with age or experience or just going through so many things, but just be happy.
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You know, isn t that what life is about?
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Experiences, making people feel heard and seen and appreciated and just having gratitude for the things in life that we re so blessed to have and work for.
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And if we re surrounded by the people we love, we are, that s real success.
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Yeah, I agree.
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And I feel that a lot of people start getting better at that with the judgment outside.
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But one of the things that people struggle to deal with the most is the judgment in their head.
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And I wonder, do you find that you ever catch yourself judging yourself and being hard on yourself and being heavy and harsh on yourself?
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No.
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You ve been able to give that up?
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I ll be like competitive with myself.
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I think I m a really competitive person, but I m pretty, I m pretty easy on myself.
4
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Wow.
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That s incredible.
4
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I was always like really calm, really easygoing.
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That s a real achievement.
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Yeah.
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And I m sure you see people judging.
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themselves all the time.
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I was grabbing some coffees for my team a couple of months back or something and I remember like I was paying the cashier and she gave me the change and I was grabbing the change and walking off and she was like, wait, wait, wait, I m so stupid.
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I m so stupid.
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I got the change wrong.
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And I was like, I didn t even notice.
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And I looked and I was like, oh, okay.
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Like I was like, you re not stupid.
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Like easy mistake.
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And you can see the look on her face.
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Like she was judging herself so harshly for something so small.
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And I guess when you see people judge themselves, then how do you, how do you respond to that?
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Or how do you support them?
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Honestly, I really haven t experienced that much.
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That s fantastic.
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That s amazing.
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And I love hearing that because I think it is so true that you can curate and create a community around you that has similar values and then almost you don t even.
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I see a lot of like determination and a lot of like creativity, a lot of hard work.
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Like if I were to go on vacation with my girlfriends,
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We d all be getting up probably at 6am, all want to go on a workout.
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I don t think there s that one girl that would be like, I m sleeping till 10 and I m not working out, you know?
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So I think that obviously, everyone around you is different and has different personalities.
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But I think a lot of my core friends are really like minded.
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Yeah.
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And sometimes that positive, positive peer pressure can be really healthy too.
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Like even if you have that one friend who s struggling, as soon as you re added to that group, you see them elevate.
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I ve seen that with so many of my friends that even if there s one person who s struggling with something, as soon as they re in that pack, all of a sudden you start to see them break through their ceiling and it changes for them.
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Yeah.
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I think something that I ve learned
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maybe the hard way, because I feel like I m at a really good place now where the people in my life, I feel really solid.
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I think this is the first time in my life, obviously I ve had really long relationships with my girlfriends and friends since elementary school, but something I learned is that you cannot help people that don t want the help and don t
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You can t force your beliefs and project that on someone that thinks something totally different.
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And it s okay to have those different views.
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It s why the world goes round, you know?
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But if you don t align in the same values and morals and things at your core, then it s okay to realize that this life is so short and you should go and find the people that do align
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with what you really believe in.
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And I think sometimes there s so much going on that you can be blinded by so many other things.
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that if you don t stop and think about what someone s true values and morals are and how they wanna live their life, so much other things are going on.
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So I don t blame people that don t really stop and think about those things.
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I mean, those are some of the lessons that I would teach my kids when they re looking for friends and partners and relationships.
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Yeah, you can t really force things upon other people.
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You can t expect them to be where you re at at your level.
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And sometimes that could really coexist really well.
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But then sometimes it really can t.
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You have to let go of the idea of molding people into what you want.
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Think about if there s something about yourself that you really want to change.
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The expectations of going into something and thinking you re going to get a different result or thinking you have the power to change someone is so selfish and so crazy.
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And everyone does it.
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And everyone has to learn on their own.
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And that s something that I ve always like sat back, helped friends, given them advice, but never really pushed because even if I were to say, Hey, don t walk down that path.
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Trust me.
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I ve been there.
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You don t want to go there.
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And they say, okay.
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And they follow you and they go on a different path.
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They ll never learn that lesson.
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They have no clue what I m talking about.
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You know, I could say parenting stuff to you all day long.
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With all due respect, you have no clue until you ve been through it.
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I welcome people s journeys and their lessons.
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And I ll always be there to the people that I love to help them through that.
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But they got to go through that.
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in order to grow on their own.
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What s the biggest lesson you learned from your mom that you re trying to pass on to the kids?
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I think just how she makes people feel.
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Really heard and welcomed.
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She really is the most warm, welcoming person and it s just like her overall
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It seems superficial, but it s not.
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Her party planning skills, it s not even that.
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It s just the welcomingness of, I don t even know if these are words I m saying, but just her ability to be so warm and to make everyone feel like they were invited here.
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I m going to create this special Easter.
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dinner with, like, the things on the table, you know, that she had when we were growing up at my dad s house.
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Like, she just has all this, like, really special nostalgic stuff around all the time and always tries to make everyone feel so special, but with, like, a gathering so that everyone feels comfortable and can hang around.
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Like, she just loves people in her space.
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and loves to create these memories.
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And I think that we all got that from her.
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And we will all, if I can just pass that on to my kids, just the experiences that we have as a family, whether we re just sitting in our pajamas and hanging out, we make the time to be together.
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And I hope that my kids want to make the time to be together when they grow up.
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with their cousins and their aunts and just the whole family.
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I m sure they will.
5
SPEAKER_02
When the Taliban banned music in Afghanistan, millions were plunged into silence.
5
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Radios were smashed, cassettes burned.
5
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You could be beaten or jailed or killed for breaking the rules.
5
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And yet, Afghans did it anyway.
5
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This is the story of how a group of people brought music back to Afghanistan by creating their own version of American Idol.
5
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The danger they endured.
5
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They said my head should be cut off.
5
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The joy they brought to the nation.
5
SPEAKER_01
You re free completely.
5
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No one is there to destroy you.
5
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I m John Legend.
5
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Listen to Afghan Star on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.
5
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Yeah, I think they will too.
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Yeah, I think you ve managed to hold onto it in your entire generation.
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And so they see that.
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I think kids mirror so much of what they see around them.
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And I remember when I met my wife, her grandma is her favorite human on the planet.
5
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And it s really interesting how when someone you love, you know who their favorite human is, you automatically start loving them.
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Yeah.
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And I wasn t really close to my grandparents, but I m closer to Radhi s grandma than I am to my own grandparents because you see your love for the person that you love.
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And so I think when your kids see the love that you have for your sisters and your cousins and your aunts and uncles and parents.
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Now, if only all my kids can love their siblings, that would be amazing.
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They re in a fighting phase.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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And you guys went through that phase, I m sure.
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We went through it too, yeah.
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Oh my God.
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It s still going on.
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The fist fight, yeah.
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It s still going on.
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Never ending.
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That s never going to stop.
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Kim, I feel like you travel so much.
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You have so many businesses.
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You re now going to be on a TV show, another TV show.
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I mean, you ve got so much things happening in your life.
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And I m sure there s moments where, whether the kids say something or don t, I know a lot of people in my life feel a lot of mom guilt.
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And moms carry it with them.
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Have you experienced that with your friends, your family?
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Absolutely.
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Mom guilt is probably the hardest thing.
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I think that you have to also separate though and understand that you need your own bit of sanity.
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So you have to do
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What makes you happy?
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You have to, if working for me, I love working.
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So that makes me happy.
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Anytime I think something s really hard, I dive into work and, or if there s challenges, like I love to dive into my work and that s like a bit of my therapy and my routine to keep me going.
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But I think, you know, I have chats with my girlfriends when our kids are having tantrums and there could be things going on.
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that we don t even know about and you feel like you re the worst mom.
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If something s going on and you can t fix it, you have no idea how to change it, your kids are fighting, whatever it is,
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And my friends and I will text each other and be like in tears, literally locking ourselves in the room, like away from a kid having a tantrum when that s not what you should do.
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You should go and lean into them.
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But sometimes it s so overwhelming.
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That was probably the only time I d be hard on myself is, am I a good mom?
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I try to do everything.
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And I think how to balance work with that
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is when you re home being really present.
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Kids, all they want is time.
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They just want your time.
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You can give them all these amazing big experiences and they ll remember them and they re great, but they ll always remember you being present.
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And I think that s just the most important thing in all of your relationships.
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Think about what a kid wants.
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A kid just wants your time.
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So why wouldn t everyone else?
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You have to kind of treat everyone like that if you want these like meaningful relationships in your life.
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And you have to be present.
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And it s okay to feel like you are not 100% at being the best mom.
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I say this all the time.
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We, there s no manual.
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They do not come with a manual.
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Everyone s doing the best that they can.
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And I just feel so lucky that I have a good group of girlfriends and all of our kids are experiencing different things from, I mean, imagine all the things that they, a divorce, everything that they have to go through.
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We re okay.
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They will be okay.
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and they will feel the love and support and that s all you can do.
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It ll be okay.
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And I m sure that s hard for you because you were saying that you re so competitive with yourself and you want to be the best at everything.
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Yeah.
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But I feel like being the best mom must be the hardest thing to ever live up to.
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Hardest job in the world.
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Absolutely.
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And I m very confident.
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So every year I write each one of my kids about a four or five page letter about on their birthday, about what the year was like, who their friends are, silly words they re saying, their favorite foods, all the silly things that they do and a little journey of what the year is like.
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And it s so fun to see from the first year now, you know,
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one of them almost 10 years old.
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And just to, I know that they ll appreciate this.
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I know that they ll appreciate everything that they might ve thought I was being a little harsh on me protecting them.
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I know that they ll, they ll get it.
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Cause I got it with my mom and I know they ll get it with me.
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You ve reminded me of something beautiful that I want to share that.
6
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So my mom and dad were both immigrants in London, which is where I was born and raised.
6
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And both my parents worked ever since I was a kid.
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And so I d get dropped to daycare, get picked up in the evening.
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But what I remember is something you said, my mom would come and pick me up.
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And I still remember the look on her face when she d pick me up.
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She d have this big smile.
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She d give me the biggest hug, she d take me home, and we d sit down together while she was cooking and we d just talk to each other.
6
SPEAKER_01
And it s almost like I never had a lot of time with my parents growing up, but I felt so much presence.
6
SPEAKER_01
And I honestly believe today that I have so much love to give because my mom infused me with love.
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SPEAKER_01
Like my mom just like, you know, bathed me in so much love.
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SPEAKER_01
Totally.
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SPEAKER_01
That it s so easy for me to be loving because I ve always had infinite amounts of it from my mom.
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SPEAKER_00
That s the best.
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
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I couldn t imagine.
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I love on my kids so hard.
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They are so annoyed with me and I love it.
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What I find genuinely inspiring about you and the way you think and focus is that you want to be this incredible mom, but you also want to show the kids
6
SPEAKER_01
what a passionate, purpose-driven person looks like.
6
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And I think we forget that that s also parenting.
6
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I m not a parent, but I can honestly say it, that when I saw my mom working late at night and waking up early in the morning, I look back at my mom and I think, my mom is a superwoman.
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And I look back at that as inspiration.
6
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I hope my kids think that of me one day.
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They will, they will, because they ll see that.
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SPEAKER_01
And I think same with my dad.
6
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I saw my dad and how much he had to work.
6
SPEAKER_01
And there was something powerful about that.
6
SPEAKER_00
I think I always like to show them like I drop my kids off at school and then I have two or three hours of law school.
6
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So I got to go.
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I m on time because I have my school and they have been on the journey with me.
6
SPEAKER_00
They saw me take the bar exam.
6
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They saw me open my results and not pass.
6
SPEAKER_00
multiple times, they saw me open up the results and pass and I was crying and they felt my hard work and it paid off.
6
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I want to show them that finding a passion and working to me is
6
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something I love to do.
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And there s so much joy in that for me.
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And I want them to feel that positive experience.
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And I, I encourage that from them.
6
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Like I want to just show them as many positive experiences as I can and show them that
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you know, you can work hard and you can love it.
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And I just try to live my life and be a good example for them.
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I think it comes through.
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And I, and I do believe that like when I look back at my parents, all I can do is appreciate my mom.
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Like all I can do.
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I hope they do.
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Sometimes they tell me I m the meanest mom in the world because I won t buy them Roblox every day.
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You know, it s like, I m like, it s okay, I can be the meanest mom in the world.
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Yeah.
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You know?
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I think that s what moms do.
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Moms are willing to be anything their kids need them to be, even if it s that for a short period of time.
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Yeah.
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Kim, you ve been so gracious and kind with your time today.
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We end every On Purpose episode with a final five.
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The first question is, what is the best advice you ve ever received or heard?
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Something that I ve learned about time is just that we never have enough of time so really be present and make the most of your relationships because we re not here very long and we have one life.
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Was there a moment that made you realize that or something that happened that made you realize that?
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I mean, I think when you lose a parent, you re always really mindful of time.
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And my mom talks about it all the time.
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I think she s like probably the one thing in life she s scared about, you know, and, and keeps her up at night sometimes.
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So just making sure that you make the most of everything because it ll go by so fast.
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Second question, what is the worst life advice you ve ever received or heard?
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I think maybe the worst advice could be almost too much advice or too many opinions.
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If you really trust your gut and you do what you want to do, and if you re in your bubble, and when the world gets to that little piece of your bubble, and there can be so many opinions,
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I think sometimes all of the conflicting advice can just be bad advice, that even if you re supposed to make your mistake and maybe do what you want to do with any bad piece of advice, that s still a part of your journey.
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So sometimes just do what you want to do and not take in all of the advice is really healthy.
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I think that s great.
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And don t ask for it in the first place.
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Yeah, I know.
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We all have that one friend who totally messages like 25 people with the same question.
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Totally.
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Yeah, definitely.
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Good answer.
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All right.
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Uh, question number three, if tomorrow, not wishing this, no intentions, no energy towards this, but if, if tomorrow you had to restart, what would you do if tomorrow everything went away and you had to restart?
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What would you do business wise?
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Like how would the, how would that shift?
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I think I would probably be a lawyer and just focus on that and go to law school and focus on being an attorney full time.
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Because?
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I just think the feeling of being able to help people is really powerful and necessary.
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And I would just focus on that.
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That s such a heartfelt answer.
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I love that.
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That s, that s beautiful.
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I m glad, I m glad I asked you.
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I was like, yeah, I just feel like it s really interesting.
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I was having a conversation last night with, uh, with the mutual friends of ours, uh, Scooter Braun and we were together last night and we were talking about this idea about how we often think that our experiences
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make us who we are or is it that you are just going to be who you are anyway because that s who you were meant to be?
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I think it s both.
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Yeah.
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Think about it, you can be the most talented person but if you don t have that determination and drive then what will become of it?
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you know, it s not just going to magically happen because you re talented.
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Of course.
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So I think so much of it is the effort and what you do with that and figuring that out and who you are and what you want to put out in the world.
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I guess my point is that I think you have that energy of wanting to be the best, of wanting to do things really well, of wanting to do things with that quality and whatever you ended up doing with it,
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Yeah.
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It would have been that.
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And it is that already.
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And I think in life, you have to, no matter, even if this isn t the job that you want, no matter what it is that you re doing, you have to be fully your best.
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You have to put in 200%.
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You have no idea who s paying attention.
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you re at that place exactly where you re supposed to be at that time.
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There is nothing worse than someone that doesn t want to give it their all no matter what it is.
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And it could be, that s like, you know, business advice that I heard that always stuck with me and always was, even when I was working at a clothing store, I was so happy to be there.
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I did my, yeah, I did my absolute best that I could.
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Selling everything and steaming everything and hanging everything and I think those experiences just show you what you want to do in your life show other people
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really what you re made of.
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I m just like a, I m a really competitive person, so no matter what it is that I m doing, I want to be the best at that.
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I want to learn everything about it, and I m just a super curious person.
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Beautiful.
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Question number four, since we ve been talking about values, what s something that you used to value that you no longer feel you value anymore?
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Definitely material designer things.
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I used to value, I mean, stuff.
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I live in an area where there would be fires a lot.
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And there was probably four times we had to fully pack up the house, everything out, houses catching on fire, property caught on fire, like really close to losing everything.
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First time, packed up my entire shoe and bag closet.
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And a lot of them, cause they were memory stuff from my dad, stuff in high school, but all designer stuff.
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Also videos, photos, whatever, digitized everything, put everything important somewhere else.
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Second, pack up the designer stuff, but leave some, leave some of the clothes.
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You know, I don t really need all the clothes, but I packed a hotel for months, bags and bags, every designer thing that I had had to come.
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Third time, leave all the bags and shoes.
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I don t, I don t need them.
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We got all the, we got all the photos.
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We got all the, my little blankie when I was little, you know, the kids stuff.
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Fourth time, leave.
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Everything.
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Me and my babies.
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That s all I need.
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You know, I have all my photos digitized.
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I have everything digital.
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We got our passports.
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We re good.
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And that like evolution of like, they had to go in and get all my designer stuff or I m not leaving my house.
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You know, it s going to catch on fire.
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And now I m like, nothing is worth it.
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Nothing is important.
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And I think that comes from life experiences.
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scary experiences, things shaking you to your core to make you realize that nothing is important.
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You can t, I know everyone says this, but like you can t take it with you.
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None of it is important.
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Yeah, there s a beautiful Islamic proverb that says, detachment doesn t mean that you own nothing.
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It means that nothing owns you.
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And I feel so often we become owned by our dreams, our desires, our pursuits, our things.
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It doesn t mean that we have to give them all away or we don t have those things.
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It s just if and when we have to let go, are we willing, are we able to let go?
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Even with work stuff.
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I mean, it doesn t just have to be the material things.
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Like you said, like your dreams and it s okay to be able to let go, but work so hard to like the opposites are okay.
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Contradicting yourself a little bit in those ways.
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You know, it s like in, in relationships, you can love a person, miss a person so much, but still have the wisdom to know they re not your person and you re better off
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not together, that like opposite connection with everything, I think is really important to have that awareness in everything in life, relationships, material things, all of that.
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Yeah, I officiated a wedding a few years ago and someone came up to me from the audience and said to me,
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Jay, I realized from what you were saying that they d just gone through a breakup recently and they were saying, Jay, I realized that I loved that person, but we didn t like each other anymore.
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And it was that essence of like, there ll always be that deep love for each other, but we just don t.
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Like family, you know, like you love people and
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but it s okay to feel a protection of a person, but then also protecting yourself and realizing when you have to and when it s time.
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And it s okay to feel all of the opposite emotions.
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I think as long as you re really well aware and go through the motions and feel things and don t hold things in, it s so important, whether it s breakups, deaths,
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I ve always been really clear headed and like gone through the feelings, gone through the emotions, more in those relationships, more in those lifelong relationships that you hope for.
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And then also be okay and calm and realizing I ve always been someone like, okay, my dad died.
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What, why is this happening?
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What was his purpose here?
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And how are we going to grow and learn from this experience?
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And I always said that like right when he passed and I was felt it and super emotional about it and, you know, cry all the time when great things happen that I wish he was here.
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But also I had a wisdom at like a younger age to understand that this is like a part of our journey and a part of our like evolution and this happens.
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And this is why you have to hold on to relationships even more precious, but don t let things destroy you at the same time.
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If that makes sense.
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Yeah, it does make sense.
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I can tell just from your energy, like I just want everyone to know is listening and watching.
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Often people can say something, but.
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the time I ve spent with you, even today, I can tell from your energy that you are content and you are at peace.
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I m so content.
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And you are, I can feel that.
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At peace is the word.
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Just, yeah, peace.
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Like that s what, when I m with you, I sense peace.
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And I think doing an interview with someone just, it s a different environment that you, I remember when I interviewed Kobe Bryant and I almost felt like time stood still.
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And his word that I saw with his energy was gravity.
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Like I just felt like everything was just, and then when I m sitting with you, I m feeling peace.
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And a lot of the time people try to find people when they re not at peace, hoping that someone else will put their pieces back together.
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You are at peace.
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Do you ever feel like you want to be in love again?
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Do you, do you long for that?
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Or are you so at peace that that isn t a consideration?
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I think I ll always be a hopeless romantic and always want to be in love and
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definitely love sharing my life with someone and love creating a life with someone.
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I definitely will take my time.
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And I think there s so many factors, especially when you have kids and being mindful of people that enter in your life and
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If I can look at everything that I did wrong and try to not make the same mistakes and really take my time, I think it just has to be different for me.
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You know, it s obviously such a hard place to be in.
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Cause how do you go about, who do you, you know, it s like, so there s so many factors, but I ll always believe in love and I ll always want that.
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And I think that s such a magical part of life, but I think
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I m so comfortable taking my time to not rush it.
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There s so much going on that I m not lonely.
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And I think that that is really important.
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And I believe, like I always believe, you know, and I think that whatever is meant to be will be.
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Fifth and final question of the whole interview.
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If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?
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Take your time.
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That s a good one.
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Just second chances and fairness.
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I think it could be something as simple as just whether it s in our system or judgment in life, just
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making sure that everyone had like a basic human right to what s fair, I think would change a lot in the system, would change a lot in life and a law for everyone to be kind.
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It s that simple.
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You think about like, all I want to do is raise kind, thoughtful, grateful, mindful human beings.
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Kim, thank you for being so open, so honest, so generous with your time.
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Everyone who s been listening and watching, I hope you tag us both on Instagram, on TikTok, wherever you share your insights that you gained.
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I d love to see what you took away from this podcast.
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I d love to share that with both of us.
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Thank you for listening to On Purpose.
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I ll see you again next week.
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And Kim, thank you so much again for this energy of yours today and being so present with us.
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Thank you.
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Thank you for having me.
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Thank you.
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If you love this episode, you ll really enjoy my episode with Selena Gomez on befriending your inner critic and how to speak to yourself with more compassion.
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My fears are only going to continue to show me what I m capable of.
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The more that I face my fears, the more that I feel I m gaining strength and gaining wisdom.
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And I just want to keep doing that.
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Guess what, Will?
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What s that, Mango?
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I ve been trying to write a promo for our podcast, Part-Time Genius, but
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Even though we ve done over 250 episodes, we don t really talk about murders or cults.
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I mean, we did just cover the Illuminati of cheese, so I feel like that makes us pretty edgy.
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We also solve mysteries like how Chinese is your Chinese food and how do dollar stores make money?
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And then, of course, can you game a dog show?
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So what you re saying is everyone should be listening.
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Listen to Part-Time Genius on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.