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Hey folks, it s Lyle.
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Before we get into the episode, I wanted to talk to you guys about a new thing I m doing where you can help support my lizard endeavors by becoming a premium member of this podcast over at therapygecko.supercast.com
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Premium Members, or GECK Legends, as I call them, will be able to get every new and existing episode of Therapy Gecko completely ad-free.
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You ll also get a bonus podcast episode once a month, a bonus live show episode once a month from all of the live shows I ve been doing around the world, a members-only live stream once a month, plus, you ll also support my ability to continue, hopefully, doing this podcast for a long time, doing it around the world,
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and also supporting my ability to occasionally go eat a slice of pizza.
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Go to therapygecko.supercast.com or find the link in the episode description to become a GECK legend today.
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Alright, let s get into the episode.
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Hi.
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Hi, Lyle.
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Hey, is this Susan?
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It sure is.
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What s going on, Susan?
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How s life?
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It s good.
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I actually just saw you in Portland.
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My daughter lives there and she took me to your show and it was great.
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Oh, sick.
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Which one did you go to?
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The early one or the late one?
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I saw the one with the lady with the condom in her nose and out the mouth.
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Ah, that was pretty good.
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Yeah.
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Hell yeah.
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Well, thanks for coming.
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That was hilarious.
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Did you know about my podcast before you came to the show?
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Um, yeah, she had introduced that to me before and I thought you were hilarious.
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And when she said she had tickets, I was like, yeah, I want to go.
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And it was a good show.
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Good.
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Good.
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I m glad you had fun.
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Yeah.
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There s this whole, uh, I just got off of a whole run of the Pacific Northwest and that was a really fun ass time.
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Did I hear that you re coming to Chicago?
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Uh, next, the next year I ll come to Chicago.
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I already came to Chicago, but, uh, I m going to do another tour next year.
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Hopefully if people show up, I ll, uh, I will be in Chicago.
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I ll bring all my friends.
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Uh, yes.
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What were you doing in Portland?
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Just visiting your daughter?
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Yeah.
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My daughter moved out there a couple of years ago with her boyfriend and, uh, I get out there maybe once or twice a year to see her.
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Nice.
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Nice.
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Nice.
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Did you guys do anything else besides go to my show?
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Um, sure we did, but that was the epicenter of my visit.
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I just want you to know that.
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Good, yeah, good.
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We did a lot of the foodie things.
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We did some hiking, some waterfalls, things like that.
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Good, good, good.
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Well, I m glad the best compliment I ve ever received is that my live show was more majestic than a waterfall.
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Did you go, which way, what s the name of the waterfall you went to?
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I think I ve been there before.
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What s it called?
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Well, I mean, of course she took me to Multnomah.
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Multnomah, yeah.
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And she s in the cat right now, so she can write down the other ones that we went to.
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They were all cool.
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I m just a waterfall person.
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Um, no, I appreciate you saying that.
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I do these shows with no fucking, I mean, I go up, I have no idea what we re going to get into.
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So I m glad that it was a good experience for you, but enough talking about my live show.
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Um, Susan, what, what is it you called in to want to talk about today?
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Well, listen, I ve got a lot that I could talk about, but I ll be choosy right now.
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I work at a major coffee house and.
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I m 57, kind of a late bloomer in life.
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I had kids early, was in a bad relationship, got out of that, ended up on my own.
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Ended up back into another bad situation and Starbucks, that s a coffee company, is where I landed.
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I ve been there for about six years and I m just not happy anymore.
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Hmm.
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Uh, okay.
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So you ve been there for six years.
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Um, when did you start being unhappy or were you just unhappy the whole time?
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Well, I m going to say that the first six months to a year were good.
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And then, you know, I just started realizing what kind of people I was working with and, you know, didn t get treated the best.
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And, you know, instead of quitting, like a lot of people would, I chose to stuck it out.
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Um, and this is where I m at right now.
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In what ways were the people not good to you?
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Well, I mean, as you know, and there s nothing wrong with younger people because I have two younger daughters, you know?
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And I mean, I try to stay, um, hip and I try to stay knowledgeable about, you know, the younger generations, but I m the older one there at work.
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So there s not a lot of relatability there.
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Every once in a while, I feel like they look up to me as like a mom, but a lot of times we don t have a lot of commonality.
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Hmm.
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Okay.
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And do they, and I mean, you said that you get left out of conversations.
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They don t, they don t go ahead.
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I mean, I was going to say, you said that they were treating you like actively, poorly.
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And I was wondering if they were being like hostile to you or, or anything like that, but you were, you were kind of explaining that.
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Yeah, well, there was just a couple of situations where we had a trans person coming into the store and apparently they were soliciting up and down the strip mall that we have right there.
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And, you know, it got really bad.
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They were coming into the store and doing this.
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And we were told the next time they came in and were disruptive to call the police.
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Well, that happened and I called the police.
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And then all of a sudden everyone was calling me racist.
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And it wasn t about race at all.
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It was about someone coming into the store, doing a bad thing.
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And we were told to respond in this manner.
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Okay.
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What were, what were they soliciting?
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Well, you know, they were either soliciting for money or they were soliciting for other things, you know?
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Okay.
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Hmm, and the people that you work with, have you worked with them for a while?
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Or is it kind of a rotating task?
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I would say it had been about a year.
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Yeah, no, you either have a first shift or you have a second shift.
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They did not overlap.
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So it was with the same shift.
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When you, what do you like, if you could do anything, what would you do?
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Well, I m going to cut a long story short by saying when I was in my abusive relationship, he was a manager at a restaurant for a long time and he wanted to start his own business because he hated his job.
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So he went out and bought all this woodworking equipment and was set on making pens for a living.
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Now, I have artistic ability in different areas and he was like, well, you re going to do this.
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So he actually kind of forced me to learn how to make pens.
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I design and make wood and acrylic writing pens on a lathe.
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And at first I didn t want to do it.
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He was controlling and it was like he was trying to live through me.
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But then I got really good at it.
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And he didn t like that.
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And I started learning marketing and I started going to all these art shows and craft shows.
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I was really shy and introverted and then all of a sudden I was a really good Salesperson and he didn t like that and as soon as he found out that I was doing better than he could He like lost interest in it and wouldn t help me anymore with it So that s what I would be doing if I could do anything Okay, so pens and craftsmanship things with pens
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Yeah, I was making really good money with it before I was an art museum gift shop.
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I was selling to all these gift stores all over the country.
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I would spend hours on the white pages, yellow pages online and emailing hundreds of stores every day.
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And that s how I built my sales.
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So what is it that s preventing you from doing that or stopped you from doing that?
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Well, financially, it s only me right now.
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I m gonna tell you that I live in an apartment that I don t pay for right now because I can t.
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And I have that going for me, but I still don t generate enough to get out on my own.
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My first goal is to get out of this living situation because it s not good for me.
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And then I would like to try to restart that business again.
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But I just can t seem to get the momentum to do that.
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of questions about stuff you just said, but why did the business stop in the first place?
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Number one, he lost interest in it when he saw that I was getting good and taking it over.
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And then I finally, because I lived with this person for, I m going to say, 15 years.
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I had my two daughters with me.
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They were not his.
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He was not a nice person.
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he would do just horrible things like at the house directed at me and directed at my children.
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And I finally, finally was given an opportunity to get out.
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My dad was, was, he had cancer.
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He was dying.
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So I went and moved in so I could help him until he passed.
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And then I ended up having to come back here.
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So I had to stop that because I left him.
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Okay.
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And,
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All right, and so what s Again, I guess to go back to like the barriers between you and continuing to do this business because I know that beforehand when you were doing it it was like you know, it seemed like it was a two-person operation between you and that guy and Once that guy started to not want to be involved anymore.
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It just kind of slowly fucked things up and
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But now, it s been many years later, and it s still something you re interested in.
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I assume that there s upfront costs, and time obligations, and manpower obligations, and things that are between you and starting this business.
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Yeah, actually, when I was running it before, we were living in a house, he was paying the rent, I had a huge garage, and that was my workshop.
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I kept all of my tools.
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I kept all of my supplies.
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So I don t have to put any money in it right now.
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But I do not have a workshop space.
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I don t have a basement and I don t have a garage.
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So you have you have inventory and things and you say you don t need to put money into it except you do need a space.
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Yeah.
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Okay.
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All right.
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So back to your living situation, you live for free and you say you don t have enough money to, what is it that you need money?
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You need money for a space, a workspace.
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I need to get out of this living situation first.
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Um, because the guy that, that, that I had left and I know this is, this is going to sound weird.
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But the guy that I had left when I came back after my dad died, I think he felt guilty, although it did not change anything, did not change how my children felt about him, did not change how I felt about him, but he felt guilty.
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So he put me in an apartment and pays for it.
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I will never reconcile with him.
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I cannot wait to get out of this living situation because
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Number one, I feel indebted.
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Number two, it s not a comfortable situation.
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And I need my independence.
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And I just, it s so hard to get it now with this economy.
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How long have you been living there for?
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I moved back here in 2017.
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So six years?
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So you ve been living rent free for six years?
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I pay all the bills, but he pays the rent.
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And in those six years, I don t, I don t really know what the deal is with Starbucks, but like, were you able to save up?
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Yeah, I save up and then, um, you know, things come up to where I need to fix the car or whatever.
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And then that kind of eats it down.
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Um, during the pandemic, that s when it really got problematic because hours were greatly cut.
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And then my company, um,
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You know, they re looking to put newer equipment in the stores and whatnot.
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So, of course, that means that the labor is down.
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So where you used to get 40 hours a week, there was one point where I was getting like 21 hours a week just to maintain insurance.
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And these days, these days, are you are you able to make are you able to make a full time living off of Starbucks to the point where you could at minimum find a roommate and rent a room?
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Um, you know, and I honestly, I m going to sound my age, but I ve never even thought about living with a roommate.
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I never have.
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And I mean, maybe that s something that I have to visit because maybe that s the only way I m going to get out of here.
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Um, my home pay and I ll be very transparent after everything, like the insurance is like $1,200 paycheck.
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How many, how often do you get paid?
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I live in Chicago suburbs in a rich neighborhood.
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How often are you getting paychecks?
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Say it again.
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How often are you getting paychecks?
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Every two weeks, so I get that twice a month.
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Okay, so 2,400 bucks after taxes a month.
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Before I pay my bills, yes.
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Okay.
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So, and you don t want to live in this rent-free place anymore because you don t want shit to do with that guy.
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Which is a totally legitimate thing.
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Correct?
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Well, I mean, that s the way I feel right now.
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I mean, it gets harder as I get older.
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Like, I don t want to end up here when I m 90.
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Yeah, I want I would listen.
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I want you to know it and okay so like you said to me you you don t want to live there anymore because you don t want to feel like you re indebted to this guy who Used has not been cool to you That s that s that you re telling me Yeah, I want I want I want you to know I
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If you do need to get a roommate or do something like that, there s no shame in it.
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Especially if, you know, you re doing it as a result of like, you know, a 15 year long abusive relationship.
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There s, there s no shame in, in, in doing that.
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If that is the thing that will bring you closer to doing a thing that makes you happy.
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Um,
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And the thing with this pen thing, which it seemed as though you were very good at, and you know marketing, and you have the hustle of, you know, going through the white pages and all that stuff.
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I mean, shit, man, I d love to see you try and do that again, especially if you don t have any upfront costs to doing it.
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I mean, it sounds like you were doing it a long time ago, and now there s TikTok and Instagram and all these other things that you can use to promote and market products.
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And it s like, I d love to see you at least
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Finegal a way to give it a try.
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I know it s hard to do it under the like financial circumstances, but if you have to get a Roommate to avoid feeling like you re indebted to this guy you were an abusive relationship with for many years I did.
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I hope you don t take shame in that Because there s no I don t
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I don t feel, I don t feel ashamed because I ended up here.
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I will feel ashamed of myself if I stay here and a roommate, you know, would be great.
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I m just, I m so afraid that that s going to be it for the rest of my life.
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Like I never got a chance to have my own house.
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I never got a chance to pay all the bills myself, you know, and I m already 57 years old.
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I just feel like I haven t accomplished what I want to accomplish.
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And I mean, I think one of the things that I want to tell your listeners is I envy all of you guys that are in your youth right now.
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And I just want you to know that you re going to hit a certain age and you re going to be like, where did the time go?
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And it s a scary thing.
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It s really a scary thing.
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I get it.
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I mean, I don t get it cause I m not there and I m sure when I m there, I ll get it.
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But like,
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I- I guess I just wanna like... Like, I m not gonna s- solve all of your life s problems in this phone call, but I- I do wanna get, like... Taking all the emotion out of it, and all the age stuff out of it, and just looking very plainly at, like, what is between you and being happy.
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And f- like, figuring that out.
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A little bit.
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Have you talked to your daughters about all this stuff?
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My, my one daughter is listening right now and I m going to tell you, I have been, we are extremely close and they, they know all about the difficulties when we were all living together and what went on.
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And I, I raised two very strong daughters.
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I just want you to know I m so proud of them.
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They re both completely opposite and different.
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but they re both very strong women.
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And I feel like that was my biggest accomplishment in my life because I didn t feel like I was strong and I didn t feel like I was confident.
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And I am so glad that I was able to give that to them, but they can t fix my problem.
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I don t expect them to fix my problem.
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Although I do joke with them and tell them when I m geriatric, one of them is going to be changing my diapers, you know,
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Whichever daughter decides to let me live with them when I can t take care of myself anymore, okay?
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I why I?
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I m very happy to hear that you have a lot of pride in The way that you raised your daughter, so it s huge, and I really think it is hmm I Guess I m trying to say like I hope
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Are you, are you happy these days?
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No.
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And in all honesty, other than having my children and a few occasions here and there, I can t honestly say that I ve ever really been happy.
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Am I saying that I m like hugely depressed all the time?
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No, but I don t know what that is.
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I guess I feel like I ve asked you this before over the course of this conversation, but just to go back to it, what do you think would make you happy?
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Well, number one, to get out of this living situation, to make enough money, to support myself and to be able to start my business again.
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I would still work my coffeehouse job because they have excellent insurance benefits and I need those.
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Okay.
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They also give me free stock and whatnot.
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I would definitely be able to start this business at the part time.
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I could do it in my spare time because it s all based from home unless I decided to go to an art show or a craft show.
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My stopping point for that business is I am not savvy to set up one of the social media accounts for my pens.
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Maybe someone that s listening
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is savvy and would be able to get in touch with me and help me out because I really don t.
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And I don t want to.
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I want to say, Susan, I, you know, and I m going to go back to this because you talked about like when you were, you did a little, you did a little Wolf of Wall Street hustle and montage for me before, earlier in this conversation.
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You did, you did.
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You were like,
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I was, you know, selling them to gift shops and I was going through the white pages and I was figuring out the marketing and I was getting really good at it.
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It pissed off my husband.
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That s all, all, all of that shit.
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That s still, that, that was not a, that hustle and desire and all that stuff that s within you.
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You can, it s still, I believe it s still in you.
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and can be applied to learning how to, you know, fucking make TikToks and things.
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So, I think you re giving yourself not enough credit in terms of your ability to, uh, figure out the figureoutable things.
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Because, again, you gave me the whole Wolf of Wall Street montage of you doing that.
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You know, six years ago.
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And I don t think your ability to do that... If I could just get cheesy here for a second, I think your ability to do that is potentially only limited by your negative beliefs about yourself.
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Which I get, and I get it.
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I don t want to be like a fucking Tony Robbins dude, but like...
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You know, what other shot do we have, you know?
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So I think you re not giving yourself enough credit in terms of your potential to figure these things out.
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And I wish you did, because you seem really cool, and it seems like this is something that you like, and I do...
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think that you could do it at least at least enough to like make some extra money even if you re not you know building a whole fucking empire at least enough to get something going you know is any of this making sense to you right yeah it is listen i have had a day and a half
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to lay here in my bed and think about it because I brought a bug back from Portland.
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My daughter ended up with COVID and I think I just have a bad case of the flu.
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SPEAKER_03
But I ve been laying in bed sweating and just thinking about this stuff, which is why I got up the courage to give you a call because I really don t want to settle like this anymore.
2
SPEAKER_03
I want to get out of here.
2
SPEAKER_03
Life is short.
2
SPEAKER_01
It is short.
2
SPEAKER_01
Do it, Susan!
2
SPEAKER_01
I know, I know it s hard, I know it s hard.
2
SPEAKER_01
I hate, I hate, it s like, it s a bummer.
2
SPEAKER_01
I hate, I hate, you know, I want to be motivational, but I also understand the, the, the difficulties that are present in just doing it.
2
SPEAKER_01
I really, really, really do.
2
SPEAKER_01
Um, but, but, but like, fuck Susan, at least give it a try.
2
SPEAKER_03
I think I m gonna, I m gonna send you some pictures of my pens when we get off the phone and you can look at them.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_01
I ll take a look at your pens.
2
SPEAKER_01
What do you have a, do you have any social media set up on your pens?
2
SPEAKER_03
No, I just, you know, I ve got a regular Facebook and I will post them on there occasionally, but I don t want everybody looking at everything there.
2
SPEAKER_01
All right.
2
SPEAKER_03
Well, when I get one, I will share it with you.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, Susan, I m glad that I m glad I hope that this phone call was enjoyable for you.
2
SPEAKER_01
I appreciate you calling in and talking about all this stuff.
2
SPEAKER_01
I hope it was of some positive benefit to you.
2
SPEAKER_01
And thanks for sharing all of this.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, and I just want to thank you because
2
SPEAKER_03
You re giving my daughter and I another form of bonding by sharing in your show.
2
SPEAKER_03
So I appreciate you very much.
2
SPEAKER_01
Of course.
2
SPEAKER_01
And talking to you, I m now realizing that the Canadian accent and the Midwestern accent sound very similar, because I thought you were Canadian for a little bit.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I remembered you re Midwestern.
2
SPEAKER_03
Because we re from Chicago.
2
SPEAKER_01
Susan, is there anything else you want to say to the people at the computer before we go?
2
SPEAKER_03
No, just I love everyone on your show and I like all the comments and all the suggestions and thank you so much for listening.
2
SPEAKER_03
I appreciate you.
2
SPEAKER_01
Have a good night, Susan.
2
SPEAKER_01
Thank you.
2
SPEAKER_03
You too.
2
SPEAKER_03
Bye bye.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m trying to think.
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I use pens.
2
SPEAKER_01
Do people still write stuff?
2
SPEAKER_01
Every year people use pens a little bit less.
2
SPEAKER_01
But, I mean, damn, okay, I just tried to be motivational, but then I m, now I m like, yeah, every year people use pens a little bit less.
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, it s, I wanna be, I wanna be motivational, but also not lie.
2
SPEAKER_01
Every year people use pens less, but in terms of like the not like the people who fucking are like connoisseurs and appreciators of like Artisan pens You know those people every year a lot of them die because it s usually elderly people But maybe they have children and they teach their children to appreciate pens I
2
SPEAKER_01
Do the pens thing, Susan.
2
SPEAKER_01
Do it.
2
SPEAKER_01
Do it, and let s see what- I don t wanna- I m- cause I could sit here and conjecture.
2
SPEAKER_01
But there s only one way to find out if it ll work.
2
SPEAKER_01
Alright.
2
SPEAKER_01
I wanna eat a pen right now, I don t know why.
2
SPEAKER_00
Hello?
2
SPEAKER_00
Hello?
2
SPEAKER_00
How are you?
2
SPEAKER_00
Hello?
2
SPEAKER_00
Lyle?
2
SPEAKER_00
Yes?
2
SPEAKER_00
What s up, man?
2
SPEAKER_00
How are you?
2
SPEAKER_00
Not much, how are you?
2
SPEAKER_00
I m just chillin .
2
SPEAKER_01
Uh, what s, what s new?
2
SPEAKER_01
What s going on?
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh, just chilling.
2
SPEAKER_02
Nothing s new.
2
SPEAKER_02
You want to hear my story?
2
SPEAKER_01
Uh, tell me the start with the middle.
2
SPEAKER_01
What s the middle of the story?
2
SPEAKER_02
The middle of the story is, um, I m dangling by my fingertips on a billboard.
2
SPEAKER_01
Ooh, that s a good middle.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Let s hear the whole thing.
2
SPEAKER_02
All right.
2
SPEAKER_02
Um, so.
3
SPEAKER_00
I was with my homies and we were doing some graffiti.
3
SPEAKER_00
And we decided to go hit this billboard.
3
SPEAKER_00
And we climbed up like 40 feet on an I-beam.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I tried to pull myself up.
3
SPEAKER_00
Fuck, I m nervous, bro.
3
SPEAKER_01
You re nervous?
3
SPEAKER_01
You were dangling.
3
SPEAKER_01
You almost died.
3
SPEAKER_01
And you re nervous talking to an insane guy in a gecko pajamas on Call of Duty website.
3
SPEAKER_01
You almost died, man.
3
SPEAKER_01
You can do anything.
3
SPEAKER_01
Who are you?
3
SPEAKER_00
Tell me the story.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s true.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s true.
3
SPEAKER_00
All right.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I climbed like 40 feet up an I-beam.
3
SPEAKER_00
And by the time I got up the I-beam, I was like hella out of strength.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I tried to pull myself up.
3
SPEAKER_00
and I was dangling by my fingertips because I couldn t pull myself up.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then I had to like let go and slide down the I-beam.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I was in jean shorts and a tank top.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I cut myself up hella bad and fell like 40 feet to the ground, but I didn t even break any bones or anything.
3
SPEAKER_00
That shit was crazy.
3
SPEAKER_01
You fell 40 feet to the... Okay, so you were dangling and you fell like, so you like kind of slid down a pole.
3
SPEAKER_00
I had to let go of the grip that I had on the billboard and grab the I-beam and basically hug it and slide down it.
3
SPEAKER_00
40 feet.
3
SPEAKER_00
It was like, yeah, 30 or 40 feet.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_00
What was the billboard for?
3
SPEAKER_00
Dude, I couldn t tell you, honestly.
3
SPEAKER_00
But I ve hit a lot of billboards.
3
SPEAKER_01
Do you know what the billboard was for when you tagged it?
3
SPEAKER_00
I didn t tag it.
3
SPEAKER_00
I didn t even get all the way up.
3
SPEAKER_00
I was with, I was with two other friends.
3
SPEAKER_01
What if it was like a billboard for like breast cancer research or something and you were fucking drew a big penis on it?
3
SPEAKER_00
You know, it s funny.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_00
First of all, I wouldn t have done a penis because I m actually, I m hella raw.
3
SPEAKER_00
We were going to do some dope ass pieces up there, but it s funny that you should mention that because I ve hit a lot of billboards and I have a pattern of not looking at what they say.
3
SPEAKER_00
before I get on them.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I ve hit one for an adoption agency.
3
SPEAKER_00
And one time I got up on one, and it was for like, autism awareness.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, you know, I would feel too bad to go over that one.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I ripped the billboard off and I painted underneath it.
3
SPEAKER_01
So I have yeah, you re the first person I ve ever met That has used art to make the lives of children worse You know what I you have a point there but it was not bad intentions
3
SPEAKER_01
So, so you, so you, uh, you defiled an autism awareness billboard to make one of those.
3
SPEAKER_00
No, no, no.
3
SPEAKER_01
I ripped it off things.
3
SPEAKER_00
I ripped it off and I threw it off and then I painted underneath it.
3
SPEAKER_01
What did you paint underneath it?
3
SPEAKER_00
I am not going to tell you because I gave the color my real name.
3
SPEAKER_01
Wait, hold on.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay, so we know it s something you would not want to be associated with.
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, it s a secret name.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m a graffiti writer.
3
SPEAKER_00
I ve been writing graffiti for a long time.
3
SPEAKER_01
What did you write under the board?
3
SPEAKER_01
What did you put under there?
3
SPEAKER_01
Did we say my name on this?
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_01
I can bleep it out if you want.
3
SPEAKER_00
Alright, well, Smiler.
3
SPEAKER_00
Smiler?
3
SPEAKER_00
Smiler.
3
SPEAKER_01
You wrote, wait, you just wrote your name.
3
SPEAKER_00
No, I wrote Smiler.
3
SPEAKER_00
What is that?
3
SPEAKER_00
That s my name.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s, well, that s what I write.
3
SPEAKER_01
Did you put, so you just put your own name?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, my tag, if you will.
3
SPEAKER_01
You climbed for, you totally deserved the thing that happened to you at the beginning of this.
3
SPEAKER_01
You climbed a billboard.
3
SPEAKER_01
You climbed a billboard.
3
SPEAKER_01
to get rid of an autism awareness ad to write your own name on the billboard?
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, to be clear, these are separate instances.
3
SPEAKER_00
But yeah, basically.
3
SPEAKER_01
Somebody in the chat just said, Lyle doesn t get graffiti.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t know if this is me not getting graffiti.
3
SPEAKER_01
Couldn t you have picked like a fucking Krispy Kreme ad or something other than autism awareness?
3
SPEAKER_00
I just I choked that up to Unawareness because truly I didn t look at what it said before I went up there Awareness is important It s much more important for people to see my name
3
SPEAKER_01
than to see this.
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, let me ask you something.
3
SPEAKER_00
What s the difference between me doing it and the advertisement agency doing it?
3
SPEAKER_00
What are you talking about?
3
SPEAKER_00
It s just that they paid for it.
3
SPEAKER_01
What they did?
3
SPEAKER_01
The charity paid for it.
3
SPEAKER_01
People donate to Autism Awareness.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay, sure.
3
SPEAKER_01
And then... People donate to Autism Awareness and then they re funding your stupid tank.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, that was an outlying instance.
3
SPEAKER_00
I ve hit a lot of billboards.
3
SPEAKER_00
They re not all like that, you know?
3
SPEAKER_00
Tell me about the adoption agency one.
3
SPEAKER_00
What did you put on there?
3
SPEAKER_00
I wrote Smiler.
3
SPEAKER_00
I wrote Smiler on every single one of them.
3
SPEAKER_01
You didn t even write any, you didn t, here s the thing, if you had replaced it, if you, like, if you were bidding for attention with a greater cause of some kind, like if, I don t know, man, even, even if you, like, had some kind of pretentious message behind, even if you drew a little fucking, like, eye or something, and you were like, well, this eye represents world peace or whatever, even if you had intentions,
3
SPEAKER_01
of some kind of a nice message of something.
3
SPEAKER_01
It would still be douchey, but I would be like, okay, at least he thought he was doing something, but you just tore it down to write your fucking name.
3
SPEAKER_01
You know what?
3
SPEAKER_00
I was on a sick one, Lyle.
3
SPEAKER_00
I was on a sick one.
3
SPEAKER_00
What does that mean?
3
SPEAKER_00
It means I was acting crazy and I wasn t worried about anything in that moment.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay, tell me, do you write Smiler on all of them?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
Dude, one day... But billboards aren t all I do.
3
SPEAKER_01
Dude, one day there s gonna be one of those kids at the orphanage is gonna make it big in politics in your local area.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
They re gonna fucking come for Smiler, dude.
3
SPEAKER_00
I ll accept it.
3
SPEAKER_00
I ll accept my fate at that point.
3
SPEAKER_01
What s that movie Orphan Black?
3
SPEAKER_01
I ve never heard of it.
3
SPEAKER_01
I ve never heard of it either.
3
SPEAKER_01
Is that a real show?
3
SPEAKER_01
Orphan Black?
3
SPEAKER_01
Or is that a movie?
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know this movie.
3
SPEAKER_01
What s it about?
3
SPEAKER_01
Somebody in the chat is saying... Brandon we can keep all this chat stuff in.
3
SPEAKER_01
Somebody in the chat is saying that autism...
3
SPEAKER_01
Speaks is a hate group.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t know why I repeated that.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t want if that s I don t think that s true, but I have no idea I m not gonna Google that No, I m not repeating that okay, what else do what else have you got what other what other billboards in there?
3
SPEAKER_00
I ve hit a lot of billboards to be honest.
3
SPEAKER_00
I probably couldn t remember what a lot of them said but I
3
SPEAKER_00
I m pretty much done hitting billboards if it makes you feel comfortable because I almost died doing it.
3
SPEAKER_00
Wait, hold on.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_01
Somebody actually this might hold on.
3
SPEAKER_01
This might be your lucky day, man.
3
SPEAKER_01
A lot of people in the chat are saying that autism speaks is like a bad group.
3
SPEAKER_01
Let me Google this real quick.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_00
All right.
3
SPEAKER_00
Damn.
3
SPEAKER_00
They re fucking with me.
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, I ll bring it back to my original point.
3
SPEAKER_00
I, there was no intention.
3
SPEAKER_00
I didn t know what it said.
3
SPEAKER_00
So you could praise me.
3
SPEAKER_00
You could hate me.
3
SPEAKER_00
I didn t do, I didn t really do anything.
3
SPEAKER_01
Listen, here s the thing.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m not going to put autism speaks on blast.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t know anything about them, but apparently, apparently, apparently.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s people are torn on it.
3
SPEAKER_01
So you re you re not you re not going to be universally condemned for your actions, but I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_01
I have no idea.
3
SPEAKER_01
What?
3
SPEAKER_01
Tell me some other billboards that you ve defiled.
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, I can t remember all of them.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s been it s been a
4
SPEAKER_00
It s been a long time, you know?
4
SPEAKER_00
It s been a long time I ve been doing this.
4
SPEAKER_00
Some other billboards I ve hit.
4
SPEAKER_01
I haven t forgotten about the adoption agency though.
4
SPEAKER_01
You fucked over some kids.
4
SPEAKER_01
You did, you did.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
Can you admit you fucked over some kids?
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah.
4
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
You know, yeah, you re right.
4
SPEAKER_00
I didn t look at that one before I got up also.
4
SPEAKER_01
And you know what?
4
SPEAKER_01
You know what, honestly?
4
SPEAKER_00
I hit an Apple one.
4
SPEAKER_01
An Apple one?
4
SPEAKER_01
An Apple billboard for the iPhone.
4
SPEAKER_01
Have you fucked, have you hit, like, um... Cause, you know what, you actually fucked over a lot of people also, because I know you ve hit hundreds of billboards and you don t even know what it is.
4
SPEAKER_01
Some very hungry trucker drove by Exit 35 without having any idea that there was a McDonald s there.
4
SPEAKER_01
And you fucked that guy over.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
I would argue that if someone wants McDonald s, they re gonna see it, you know?
4
SPEAKER_00
They re gonna find it.
4
SPEAKER_00
That billboard isn t going to make too much of a difference.
4
SPEAKER_01
So, uh, are you a full-time graffiti artist or does that not make a lot of money?
4
SPEAKER_01
No, I m a tattooer actually.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh, okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
You re graffitiing people s bodies.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yep.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m tagging people s bodies.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m on, I m on tour right now tattooing.
4
SPEAKER_01
Give me some, give me some tattoos that you ve done recently.
4
SPEAKER_00
Um, I did lover in graffiti letters on my friend s collarbone.
4
SPEAKER_00
Um,
4
SPEAKER_00
I ve been doing a lot of like alien shit lately, like aliens with like foreshortened guns and like all kinds of just sci-fi shit.
4
SPEAKER_00
My thing right now is kind of like characters with big shoes and I m like hell into fashion so I just dress them up in like cool ass like trip pants and like new rock shoes, that type of shit.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like who, what characters?
4
SPEAKER_00
Just these little characters that I draw.
4
SPEAKER_00
Just little, like, little bros.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh, okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
I thought you were drawing, like, uh... I was gonna use Mickey Mouse, but that would be a bad example, because he already has big shoes.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, he does.
4
SPEAKER_00
And big ears.
4
SPEAKER_01
How long have you been tattooing for?
4
SPEAKER_00
Like, two and a half years.
4
SPEAKER_00
I ve been full-time tattooing for, like, a year, though.
4
SPEAKER_01
What were you doing before you were a tattoo artist?
4
SPEAKER_00
I did a bunch of shit, but just random ass jobs like grocery stores, you know?
4
SPEAKER_00
Cafeterias, dishwashing, um, sweeping, just random ass shit.
4
SPEAKER_01
Uh, a few people in the chat are asking where your Instagram is.
4
SPEAKER_01
I know that you wanted to stay anonymous.
4
SPEAKER_00
I can t.
4
SPEAKER_00
You can if you want.
4
SPEAKER_00
If they know, they know.
4
SPEAKER_00
And they might know, Lyle.
4
SPEAKER_00
They might.
4
SPEAKER_01
You know what?
4
SPEAKER_01
I think that was a good idea.
4
SPEAKER_01
You sacrificed a good, free self-promotion bit in favor of not putting a face to the guy who defiled the adoption billboard.
4
SPEAKER_01
Now, you are... So ever since the accident, you re giving up?
4
SPEAKER_00
No, I m not giving up on graffiti.
4
SPEAKER_00
Just not climbing like that.
4
SPEAKER_00
I learned it s not really worth it to risk my life.
4
SPEAKER_00
That shit was crazy.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I mean, I feel like it s a karma thing.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, you could be right.
4
SPEAKER_01
You could be right.
4
SPEAKER_01
Believe me, I ve thought about that.
4
SPEAKER_01
There was definitely a few orphans late at night greasing up that billboard pole.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
4
SPEAKER_01
Where else are you going to tag now that you have retired from billboards?
4
SPEAKER_00
Well, shit, Portland and then Seattle.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s what we re doing right now.
4
SPEAKER_00
But, um, anywhere.
4
SPEAKER_00
Wait, I was just there.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m considerate, you know, like, I know you were.
4
SPEAKER_00
Dude, you know what s fucked up is I was supposed to be at your San Francisco show.
4
SPEAKER_00
I had a ticket and I, I, uh, I couldn t go.
4
SPEAKER_00
Why not?
4
SPEAKER_00
Because I got sick.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s a good reason not to go.
4
SPEAKER_00
Hey, look at that.
4
SPEAKER_00
I didn t put anybody at risk.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m a good person.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay, yeah, we ll give you a point for that.
4
SPEAKER_00
There we go.
4
SPEAKER_00
I was looking forward to it, man.
4
SPEAKER_00
I was looking forward to it.
4
SPEAKER_00
I bought it like months in advance, too.
4
SPEAKER_01
It was a good show, the San Francisco one.
4
SPEAKER_01
It was good.
4
SPEAKER_00
I ll be back.
4
SPEAKER_00
My friend went.
4
SPEAKER_01
What, did they like it?
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah, he liked it.
4
SPEAKER_00
He s also a tattooer.
4
SPEAKER_00
He s here with me.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, he s also a tattooer.
4
SPEAKER_00
He was there when I almost died.
4
SPEAKER_00
Um, we had another crazy thing happen yesterday in, in the name of graffiti.
4
SPEAKER_00
What was it?
4
SPEAKER_00
Um, so we re up here tattooing in Portland right now.
4
SPEAKER_00
Um, but we had to stop and get some spray paint on the way and he, I m too scared to steal, but he went into Home Depot in Salem, Oregon.
4
SPEAKER_00
Damn, I m giving up all day for me.
4
SPEAKER_00
But he went into Home Depot.
4
SPEAKER_00
And he tried to steal paint.
4
SPEAKER_00
And he ended up having to run and like hopping fences and shit.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I don t even have a license, but I had to take his car and pull over on the freeway where he was hiding in the bushes.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like there was no shoulder, but I had to like pull over up onto a hill and he like ran hella far and got in the car and, and we re good.
4
SPEAKER_00
But that happened too.
4
SPEAKER_00
He s right here.
4
SPEAKER_01
Graffiti gets you into a lot of trouble.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it does.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
I have a question.
4
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, give your friend the phone.
4
SPEAKER_01
Alright.
4
SPEAKER_01
Thank you, bye.
4
SPEAKER_00
Hey, what s up dude?
4
SPEAKER_00
Hey, what s up man?
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SPEAKER_00
Um, I caught me and my friends, we did like some therapy gecko tags outside of the show.
4
SPEAKER_00
Did you see those by any chance?
4
SPEAKER_01
Wait, you did therapy gecko tags?
4
SPEAKER_01
I want you to know, can I just say this on record?
4
SPEAKER_01
Real quick, can you give me a second?
4
SPEAKER_01
I in no way shape or form support the defiling of any adoption agency advertisements in the name of a therapy gecko advertisement.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s good, it was like on a bus stop ad, like some random shit just on the glass.
4
SPEAKER_00
What was the ad for?
4
SPEAKER_00
Dude, who knows?
4
SPEAKER_00
They get changed.
4
SPEAKER_01
What do you mean you can t?
4
SPEAKER_01
What do you mean?
4
SPEAKER_01
Who knows?
4
SPEAKER_01
We all do.
4
SPEAKER_01
Have we not been over this?
4
SPEAKER_01
Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo,
4
SPEAKER_00
Don t know.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s not that deep.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s all good.
4
SPEAKER_00
You know just hi.
4
SPEAKER_01
I appreciate you spreading the word, but if you would Just look at what it is your spray-painting on first.
4
SPEAKER_01
I got you.
4
SPEAKER_01
I understand that I respect that I mean, I mean if it sent me up to do is it are you do you live near the area I?
4
SPEAKER_01
Live in Oakland Okay, next time you re there send me a picture.
4
SPEAKER_01
I want to see did you take a picture of it at least I?
4
SPEAKER_00
Uh, no, I didn t.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t take pictures of a lot of the stuff I do.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah, we ll do a huge one for you on a blank freeway wall that is just literally a blank canvas just asking for it, you know?
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay, well, as long as, um... I ll send you a picture of that.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m not criminally implicated in any way in this.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m on board.
4
SPEAKER_00
Nah, you re good.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m gonna do it regardless.
4
SPEAKER_00
I ll send it to you and you ll get a kick.
4
SPEAKER_01
Awesome.
4
SPEAKER_01
Uh, is there anything else either of you guys want to say to the people at the computer before we go?
4
SPEAKER_01
Uh...
4
SPEAKER_00
I love y all.
4
SPEAKER_00
Thank you so much.
4
SPEAKER_01
Thank you guys.
4
SPEAKER_01
I ll see you guys at the next... I m gonna be at the next SF one.
4
SPEAKER_01
You will?
4
SPEAKER_01
I ll introduce myself.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay, perfect.
4
SPEAKER_01
You can spray paint... I ll wear a sightseeing.
4
SPEAKER_00
I ll wear a sightseeing and I ll be like, what s up bro?
4
SPEAKER_00
I ll tattoo it.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s good.
4
SPEAKER_00
I ll give you a free tattoo, Lyle.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, me too.
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t know what I would want.
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t have any tattoos.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m not a big tattoo guy, but... Let me do a gecko on you.
4
SPEAKER_00
Well, there s probably a good amount of time... That s a little on the nose, don t you think?
4
SPEAKER_00
What?
4
SPEAKER_00
The gecko?
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Well, you have a lot of time to think about it, right?
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
Right now I m with Gorilla on the asshole, but my mind might change at some point.
4
SPEAKER_01
Alright, goodnight guys, thank you very much.
4
SPEAKER_01
Alright, thanks man, bye.
4
SPEAKER_01
Dude, it s definitely- they definitely spray-painted Therapy Gecko on, like, some kind of fucking children s cancer research thing.
4
SPEAKER_01
And now I m a part of that.
4
SPEAKER_01
Hey folks, it s Lyle.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m here because I m gonna end this podcast right now with a little clip from my series of street interviews that I did on the
5
SPEAKER_01
streets of Glasgow, Scotland.
5
SPEAKER_01
I do this thing where I go to foreign countries and set up a microphone and some chairs in various places and talk to whoever is down to talk to me.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I was in Glasgow and I had a really interesting interview with this guy who, like,
5
SPEAKER_01
just left a alcohol detox, like, I guess, like, minutes before he sat down to talk to me.
5
SPEAKER_01
And we talked for a while, and after we talked, I was like, alright, listen, man, you sure you want me to, like, use all this stuff?
5
SPEAKER_01
And he was like,
5
SPEAKER_01
Um, insisted that he wanted to, you know, tell his story and talk about this stuff.
5
SPEAKER_01
So, um, here s a little, here s a little clip from that.
5
SPEAKER_01
Uh, if you want to see the full thing of, of, uh, my, my adventures in Scotland, you can go to youtube.com slash Lyle forever and type in being a gecko in Scotland and the full thing will be there.
5
SPEAKER_01
I ll also put a link to it in the description.
5
SPEAKER_01
So let s transport ourselves away from a tiny little room with no one else in it into the streets of Glasgow, Scotland.
5
SPEAKER_01
What s your name, dude?
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SPEAKER_00
What?
5
SPEAKER_00
Do I want to buy that?
5
SPEAKER_01
Oh, sorry, man.
5
SPEAKER_01
I don t have any pounds.
5
SPEAKER_00
What s your name?
5
SPEAKER_01
What s your name?
5
SPEAKER_00
Robbie Mark Dockrell.
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SPEAKER_01
Robbie Mark Dockrell.
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SPEAKER_01
What s going on with you, man?
5
SPEAKER_01
What you doing in the park today?
5
SPEAKER_01
How s it going?
5
SPEAKER_00
Well, I was at the Royal Infirmary.
5
SPEAKER_01
The Royal Infirmary?
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah, detoxing from alcohol.
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SPEAKER_01
Oh, okay.
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SPEAKER_00
And then they wouldn t give me enough Valium.
5
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
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SPEAKER_00
So I was like, fuck this.
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SPEAKER_00
Like, I just packed up my shit and then left and then got booze.
5
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
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SPEAKER_01
How are you feeling in life in general?
5
SPEAKER_00
I feel good.
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SPEAKER_00
I m pumped up on thiamine and all sorts of vitamins and stuff.
5
SPEAKER_00
So I m probably looking and feeling better than I have in a while.
5
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
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SPEAKER_01
What kind of stuff makes you look and feel good?
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SPEAKER_01
What do you mean?
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SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
5
SPEAKER_01
What makes you feel happy?
5
SPEAKER_00
Drugs.
5
SPEAKER_01
Okay, that s fair.
5
SPEAKER_00
So it s a you or a... Oh, music, obviously.
5
SPEAKER_01
Oh, tell me about the music.
5
SPEAKER_00
Underworld, ODB, fucking... I m trying to think.
5
SPEAKER_00
Who else?
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SPEAKER_00
The Stranglers, The Damned, Sex Pistols,
5
SPEAKER_00
Inner City, all kind of like 90s acid house, kind of like unknown stuff.
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SPEAKER_00
Frankie Bones.
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SPEAKER_00
Cool, cool.
5
SPEAKER_00
Frankie Bones.
5
SPEAKER_01
Do you play music at all?
5
SPEAKER_01
Do you make any music yourself?
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
What do you make music about?
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SPEAKER_00
I m trained in, am I meant to like look at the camera?
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh, you can look wherever, yeah, sure, go ahead.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m trained in... My mum likes to say I m trained in classical violin, which I am, but if you handed me a violin, I wouldn t know what the fuck to do with it.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
But I play flamenco guitar, which is pretty cool.
5
SPEAKER_00
Nice, nice, man.
5
SPEAKER_00
Why the green gecko suit?
5
SPEAKER_00
It s kind of dangerous in Glasgow, you know.
5
SPEAKER_00
Is it really?
5
SPEAKER_00
Tell me why.
5
SPEAKER_00
Well, because everything else is orange and red and blue.
5
SPEAKER_01
Oh, is it dangerous to wear green in Glasgow?
5
SPEAKER_00
No, I m kidding.
5
SPEAKER_00
No, you ve got an army.
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SPEAKER_01
Okay, cool.
5
SPEAKER_01
Well, because I was going to say, here s the thing, all these places I m going to, you could tell me anything and I would just believe you.
5
SPEAKER_01
If you told me that wearing green in Glasgow was a sign of disrespect to the locals, I d be like, oh shit, I ve got to change.
5
SPEAKER_00
No, no, not at all.
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SPEAKER_00
It s just like, there s some areas where, you know how you ve got red, amber, green?
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SPEAKER_00
Sure.
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SPEAKER_00
Like, there s places in Glasgow, like Crichton and things, where they actually paint over the green, like sign.
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SPEAKER_01
Oh, really?
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
Well, hey, I got a question for you.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
5
SPEAKER_01
What does your tattoo on your neck mean?
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SPEAKER_01
It says disconcerting smile.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah, so whenever someone asks it, and then it kind of makes you smile, and it s kind of like a disconcerting smile.
5
SPEAKER_01
Oh, like whenever somebody asks you about the tattoo, it makes them smile?
5
SPEAKER_01
Or you smile?
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SPEAKER_00
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
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SPEAKER_00
If someone asks me, what does this, like, why do you have disconcerting smile, right?
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SPEAKER_00
Then I can t help but, like, kind of smile, and it s kind of disconcerting.
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SPEAKER_00
Like, I ve got a bad smile, you know?
5
SPEAKER_01
Oh, what makes you have a bad smile?
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SPEAKER_00
I don t know, because I ve got kind of shitty teeth.
5
SPEAKER_00
How many followers have you got on YouTube?
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SPEAKER_00
Don t say like 2.1 million.
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SPEAKER_01
Nah, I don t have 2.1 million.
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SPEAKER_01
A few people watch this.
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SPEAKER_01
Nothing crazy.
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SPEAKER_00
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_00
Ask me some more questions.
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SPEAKER_00
I like questions.
5
SPEAKER_00
What s your dream in life?
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SPEAKER_00
To make music and become famous and destroy the world.
5
SPEAKER_00
Why do you want to destroy the world?
5
SPEAKER_01
Because it s disgusting.
5
SPEAKER_01
What do you find disgusting about the world?
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SPEAKER_00
That everyone tells shit jokes and laughs at each other s shit jokes and everyone s fake You feel like everyone s people, you know, you see everyone like like over there Yeah, like they all am set with and they re you know, like little restaurants and they say like little quips you know and they and they re like
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SPEAKER_00
Sure, yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
You know, and it s just like everything s just a self-congratulatory ego trip.
5
SPEAKER_00
There seems to be a lot of things that are not real anymore.
5
SPEAKER_01
Do you feel like the world is disgusting because people aren t real?
5
SPEAKER_00
No, I wouldn t say disgusting.
5
SPEAKER_00
I love life, but I just think that there s a lot of things, there s a lot of wrongs that should be corrected.
5
SPEAKER_01
What are some other wrongs that you feel should be corrected?
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SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
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SPEAKER_00
People that have, like, girls that have short hair and it s, like, coloured.
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SPEAKER_00
I don t like that.
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SPEAKER_01
But you, I mean, you got, like, coloured tattoos.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I know, I drew it myself.
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SPEAKER_00
I ve also got, like, cuts on my arms.
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SPEAKER_00
I did that myself too.
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SPEAKER_01
Alright, so your dream in life is to destroy the world, make music, and kind of hang out.
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SPEAKER_01
What do you think about all day?
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SPEAKER_00
What do I think about all day?
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SPEAKER_00
That s a good question.
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SPEAKER_00
I m actually trying to answer your questions.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
Genuinely.
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SPEAKER_00
What do I think about all day?
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SPEAKER_00
I think about...
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SPEAKER_00
my struggle with alcohol and how I love it though and then I m kind of like torn between, you know, should I love it or should I hate it?
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SPEAKER_00
I think that there s a thing, do you know the comedian Patrice O Neill?
5
SPEAKER_00
So he said, own your opinions but don t let your opinions own you.
5
SPEAKER_00
I think there s a lot of things in life where people let things own them without realising it.
5
SPEAKER_00
For example, if you have a drug problem,
5
SPEAKER_00
and you have total abstinence, and you go, oh, this is my 14th year sober, this is my 28th year sober, you re still kind of fucking controlled by it, just because you re not doing it.
5
SPEAKER_00
So I think a little bit of balance, I don t know, that s just my view on it.
5
SPEAKER_01
No, no, I understand where that viewpoint comes from, it s like if you re... So you re still controlled by it?
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah, like if you re...
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SPEAKER_01
Whether you re a total abstination or total engulfing in it, it still has some form of power in your life, yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
And also, just one more thing, because probably these guys hate me and want me to stop talking.
5
SPEAKER_00
What?
5
SPEAKER_00
No, no, no, please.
5
SPEAKER_00
But I think people should train themselves to try and talk slower.
5
SPEAKER_00
because language is so integral to your psychology and if you can slow down how you speak you can appreciate things a lot better and you can see a lot more like for example the other week I was staying at my Nana s I was looking out the window listening to music
5
SPEAKER_00
and a sparrow came and hit a bush, and it kind of bounced off it.
5
SPEAKER_00
Do you know what a whirligig is?
5
SPEAKER_00
You guys know what a whirligig is?
5
SPEAKER_00
What a whirligig, yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
You know what you hang your washing on?
5
SPEAKER_00
It s like those little things that are shaped like squares.
5
SPEAKER_00
So there s this old woman, and her husband died a few years ago.
5
SPEAKER_00
She lives behind us, so her garden s kind of a little bit skewed.
5
SPEAKER_00
and there was a crow landed on it and it spun like all the way around.
5
SPEAKER_00
So I think slow your life down so that you can appreciate just like little things like that.
5
SPEAKER_00
I think that s the most
6
SPEAKER_00
Just the meaningful kind of shit.
6
SPEAKER_01
Do you record music at all?
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, and it s not like on Ableton Live where you can create a drum set and cut and paste it and add it on.
6
SPEAKER_00
Everything s recorded live through a Focusrite interface.
6
SPEAKER_00
And it s very kind of like balleric.
6
SPEAKER_00
And my idea, just to get it out there to whoever s listening and watching,
6
SPEAKER_00
I m not doing it because no one else has ever done it.
6
SPEAKER_00
I m doing it because it comes natural.
6
SPEAKER_00
But I m gonna do like an album that has a chord progression but then it kind of differs from it and then returns back to it, okay?
6
SPEAKER_00
A few times.
6
SPEAKER_00
accompanied by a visual, you know, things that are kind of like postmodern, you know, because I hate postmodernism.
6
SPEAKER_00
So, you know, for example, like that seagull flying by a tree, a clip of that, and then a clip of a child running, and then a clip of a bomb hitting a rack, and then, you know, a clip of a whale jumping, you know, everything happening all at the one time.
6
SPEAKER_00
You know, like a coagulation of reality,
6
SPEAKER_01
Want to ask you I want to go back real quick to you you talked about like slowing down Like is this a reason this this kind of realization you made of like?
6
SPEAKER_01
Oh, I want to slow down a little bit more and is that a recent thing Is that a recent realization you ve come to and and if so, what made you come to that realization?
6
SPEAKER_01
Oh
6
SPEAKER_00
I think in the past few years, I developed a lot of things that I d never experienced before that were new to me, and they were... Am I holding this close enough?
6
SPEAKER_00
Oh yeah, right there.
6
SPEAKER_00
They were foreign to me, therefore I was afraid of them.
6
SPEAKER_00
But just because something s foreign to you doesn t mean that you should be afraid of it.
6
SPEAKER_00
You should fear as your friend, not your enemy.
6
SPEAKER_00
And so, like, you know, like when these kind of things happened, you know, like I developed a stutter when I m stressed.
6
SPEAKER_00
you know, I get like a choke in my throat.
6
SPEAKER_00
That was really scary the first time it happened, but it doesn t scare me anymore.
6
SPEAKER_00
But I learned that the slower that I spoke, the more it kind of changed my psychology and the way that I looked at things.
6
SPEAKER_00
If someone is erratic,
6
SPEAKER_00
and sped up and they speak, you know, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
6
SPEAKER_00
You know, all they re thinking of is themselves.
6
SPEAKER_00
They re seeing themselves in the mirror constantly while they re talking, whereas if you slow yourself down, you can self-express and you can actually see what s in front of you.
6
SPEAKER_00
That s what I think.
6
SPEAKER_00
Mr. Gecko.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
Do you have a job?
6
SPEAKER_01
Do you go to school?
6
SPEAKER_01
Do you do anything like that?
6
SPEAKER_00
No, I m on LCWRA, which is Limited Capability for Work and Work-Related Activity.
6
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
6
SPEAKER_00
Which means that I receive... Well, from that anyway, I receive £600 a month for doing Sweet Fuck All.
6
SPEAKER_00
And it s great, because it s free money.
6
SPEAKER_00
And also...
6
SPEAKER_00
and disability allowance because of anxiety and bipolar, like generalized anxiety, not like just normal.
6
SPEAKER_01
So, so you came, you came here from from like a detoxing?
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I came here from hospital, I left.
6
SPEAKER_00
I just packed up and said fuck this because I was shaking like, like, like, like really, really shaking.
6
SPEAKER_00
Was it withdrawal?
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
And the doctor, he just didn t give a fuck.
6
SPEAKER_00
He cared more, like I said, about his beard and looking good than me.
6
SPEAKER_00
And so I thought,
6
SPEAKER_00
As far as I m concerned, if someone in life is so ego driven and you try to have a truthful conversation with them, you re not going to get a truthful response because they re ego driven.
6
SPEAKER_00
So, for example, if this man thought that, you know, he is always going to be correct and he s never going to listen to me and I m just this, you know, whatever, this patient and he s the main guy, he s the star of the show, he s the main character in his movie.
6
SPEAKER_00
You know, I like, I kind of thought to myself, Robbie, you could explain the truth.
6
SPEAKER_00
You know, you could explain to him that, you know, drinking 12 litres of cider a day and not eating and not sleeping and having half bottles of vodka in between that for years and years and years requires a little bit more than 20 milligrams of diazepam.
6
SPEAKER_00
He would take that as an ego kind of insult.
6
SPEAKER_00
Almost as if I was telling him his job.
6
SPEAKER_01
Sure, and he offended him.
6
SPEAKER_00
You know, resistance is futile, essentially, is what I m trying to say.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
So I just, I just, I gave up.
6
SPEAKER_00
I just packed everything up and left.
6
SPEAKER_00
I didn t even discharge myself.
6
SPEAKER_00
I just left.
6
SPEAKER_01
Can I ask you something?
6
SPEAKER_01
You know, you seem like, you re a smart guy.
6
SPEAKER_01
You re thinking a lot about... Can I just show this to the camera?
6
SPEAKER_01
Oh, sure.
6
SPEAKER_01
What is it?
6
SPEAKER_00
It s my cross that I carry with me everywhere.
6
SPEAKER_01
My chains.
6
SPEAKER_01
Where s your homie at that gave that to you?
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
He s over there.
6
SPEAKER_00
They re over there.
6
SPEAKER_01
So like, when you said you were like, there s that kind of tough dichotomy of like, if you re drinking all the time, then it s got a hold of you.
6
SPEAKER_01
But also if you re completely abstaining, then it s got a hold of you.
6
SPEAKER_01
And you re thinking about like, because I assume you have like, you know, desires to want to try to live like the best kind of life you can for yourself.
6
SPEAKER_01
How are you thinking about your situation moving forward?
6
SPEAKER_01
What do you think is the best way moving forward for you to be happy and live a good life and do what s right for you?
6
SPEAKER_00
I would say to be unconditional and for you to not think about yourself, to think about others and your relationships with others.
6
SPEAKER_00
If you can maintain a lifestyle that you like,
6
SPEAKER_00
and either benefit or not affect negatively other people, then that s kind of what you want to aim for.
6
SPEAKER_00
For example, I love alcohol, but there comes a point where you re not drinking to get drunk anymore, you re drinking to feel normal, so you have to keep it real.
6
SPEAKER_00
and you have to be honest with yourself.
6
SPEAKER_00
If there s one thing that I ve learned, and I always tell my older sister this, see the moments in life where you stop and you put your head between your legs and shake your head?
6
SPEAKER_00
and maybe cry or you go, like for example, I would go, Robbie, this is fucking bad, man.
6
SPEAKER_00
This is bad.
6
SPEAKER_00
Those are the moments in life that are the best moments in life.
6
SPEAKER_00
Because they re true.
6
SPEAKER_00
That s you self-actualizing.
6
SPEAKER_00
You re no longer being a selfish, self-fulfilling human being.
6
SPEAKER_00
You re being something outwith that.
6
SPEAKER_00
You re being what you re intended to be.
6
SPEAKER_00
which is a good person that doesn t just live for yourself, but lives for other people.
6
SPEAKER_00
I believe in self-actualization, and you can achieve self-actualization very easily, purely just by balance.
6
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Like I always say, life wouldn t be so beautiful if it wasn t so painful.
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And that s not some kind of sound good, soundbite saying or whatever the case may be.
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It is true.
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You know you Life has to be painful, you know, can I ask who are like like when you re thinking about?
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You know the other people in your life that you want to like Be there for and try to help out in the context of all these things You re saying like who would those people be?
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Do you have people like that?
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Well, I am I struggle with that one because I
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Sorry I keep on holding it so far away.
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I struggle with that one because I think that I would love to be successful and for my children and
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my nieces and nephews, if I have any in the future, and their children to be looked after.
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But I was my happiest when I had no money.
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And I m not talking about that in a kind of Theravadan, you know, Buddhist kind of sense.
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I just mean, you know, when I had no money,
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when I had no money, for some reason, I was, I was happy.
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And so you know, like, so Robo s question again, so I forget.
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Sorry, man.
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So so I m talking about like, you talked about like, really wanting to like live life like not for yourself and all that stuff.
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And that s kind of what self actualization is for you.
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Yeah.
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Who are some people in your life who I mean, if you look at like, like, have you ever watched a like Ozzy Osbourne in the skits?
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No, I m sorry.
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Yeah, I was born sick.
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Yeah, but like you see his kid Jack during a TV show It s a little shit.
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You know, I mean cuz he gets everything he wants and you know, we like like they re not treated like you know as if they re like actual children, so I
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What would I want for people?
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I would like for, just to get this on camera, I would like a non-utilitarianist, non-nihilist, non-godless society where you don t just count on balancing good against evil.
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and you actually just kind of have faith in the process of things and realise that there is nothing new under the sun.
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I m not a Bible batterer, but I think that people worry about a lot of things that they shouldn t worry about.
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Everything always seems to solve itself.
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in one way or another, and you could say, well, what if I got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer right now?
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If I got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer right now, I don t know what I would do, but part of me kind of thinks I would laugh, because God has a sense of humour.
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and me professing all these things, acting like a smart guy, when I m not really.
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I m just a human being.
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Like, don t listen to a single word that I said.
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It just sounds good.
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Or I hope it sounds good.
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But I just sound good.
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That s it.
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People are just good at sounding good.
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What s your name again, man?
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Robbie.
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Robbie.
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Nice to meet you, Robbie, man.
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Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
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Any final thoughts, feelings, or sentiments?
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I love you, mom.
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I love you, dad.
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This isn t a suicide message.
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It s just a normal message.
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Good, man.
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That s it.
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What are you doing the rest of the day?
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um i don t know drinking and probably getting sectioned oh have a go on a rabbit good luck oh you all right yeah by the way you are not the first person to do that that was oliver reed style did i say that again oliver reed oh who s oliver reed oliver reed do you know the hellraiser uh not really no okay i ll have to look him up i ll have to look him up all right
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Oh, it s Lyle4ever.
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Don t forget the fake bracelet thing.
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Yeah, is it okay with you?
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Okay, cool.
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Yeah, I ll probably put it on YouTube at some point.
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Yeah, I ll put it on YouTube at some point.
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Are you cool with me showing all?
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You want me to blur your face or anything like that?
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Alright, let s do it.
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Alright man.
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That one I won t sign off on.
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Hey, hey, nice to meet you, Robbie.
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Take care.
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God bless you too, man.
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You take care.
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You know, it s interesting thinking about what he said about, you know, if whether you re completely abstaining from something or completely engaged in something, it has a hold on you.
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That s interesting to think about.
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I have my own vices.
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I have my own things.
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Alcohol is not really one of them, you know, but I mean I was talking about eating hamburger flavored potato chips and that definitely is one of them.
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And I don t know.
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It was interesting talking to that guy.
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He seemed like a smart dude.
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He seemed like, you know, he was struggling with some stuff but that he also had a
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I don t know, some... His pessimism was sprinkled with notes of optimism, I think.
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At least that s my interpretation of it.
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And he seems like a nice guy and a sweet guy and a guy with good intentions and I wish him well and I hope that he eventually...
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You know does whatever is the best option for him in his life, and I hope he doesn t discover the whopper flavored potato chips because that would just Sink him deep deeper into some kind of hole, and I hope he I hope he sells that bracelet to someone Maybe
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Thank you, Robbie.
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God bless you.