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Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous.
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I m Douglas McCarthy.
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I m joined by Lily Reinhart.
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I wish.
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Why?
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I love Lily.
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Well, we love her, but wouldn t want to be her.
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And you re Monica Lily Padman.
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Well, I am Monica Lily Padman.
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Oh, grateful for a lie.
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We could have, you could have lied just now and then been grateful for it.
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You guys said, hi, it s me, Lily.
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Yeah.
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Cause that is the prompt for today s armchair anonymous.
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Tell us about a time you re grateful you lied.
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Yeah, because, you know, lies get a bad rap out there.
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They do, but we all know we gotta do it occasionally.
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Sometimes you gotta do it.
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It s the best course of action.
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Sometimes you puke in the bed when you re little and you have to pretend like it wasn t you.
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That s right.
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Or that you reached climax embarrassingly early as a teen and then pretended it was because you were taking ibuprofen.
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Oh, is that, okay.
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Yeah, one time I did that.
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Yeah.
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Oh man.
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Is that a thing?
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No.
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No, but I didn t know what to do.
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I was just so embarrassed.
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And the only thing that was new in my life is I had thrown my back out and I had like ibuprofen 800s I was taking.
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And I was like, I think it must be these ibuprofen.
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How old were you?
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Oh, 17 or 18.
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And it was, I think it was because it was so out of left field.
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It was this really beautiful girl.
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I went to high school with it.
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I didn t really have much communication with.
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And then we were just at my friend Kurt s house one night and she pretty much jumped.
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Yes.
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Initiated with me.
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And I just was like ill prepared and too excited.
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And you were on all that.
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I was bumped up on.
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800s yeah and boy did I was I am I still like I get it even just telling you the story I get a sharp pang of embarrassment.
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Oh my gosh.
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Because here she came for me she probably had high expectations and I just was so thrilled to be getting in there that I was done.
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I have a weird I wonder if I m
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alone here.
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I could be, but I feel like that is so flattering.
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Yes.
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Likewise, if I were to put it in a girl and she immediately exploded, I would be very flattered.
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And I think there s a little crappy because you don t really get to like have sex, but it s still very flattering.
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It is, so I think there s probably a window of it being flattering, and then ultimately you re gonna be like, you gotta hang in there, take care of it just before we do it, figure something out.
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It s only gonna be charming and flattering for so long, and then you re gonna wanna get yours.
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Well, here s another big question then for- Lovers?
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Yeah.
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Young lovers.
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Would you rather, if you re a girl in a heterosexual relationship, would you rather the guy come immediately so you can t really have sex, but it s so flattering, or that they can t come?
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Uh-huh, and they hump away for a long, long time and then just throw in the towel.
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And then you come like seven times?
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Well, we gotta do that.
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Well, I guess that s true.
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You are experiencing the pleasure, but also your ego is probably a little bruised.
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Yeah, well, it s so funny.
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So this is interesting.
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I m sure it s an evolving opinion throughout the experience.
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So while he s not coming and you re coming, this is fantastic.
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But then you, now you re on the other side of coming.
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Yeah, and you re ready to be done.
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And now you re thinking with your normal brain.
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And if he s like really trying and can t.
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Exactly.
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And he s like breaking pencils off on the side and he s getting frustrated.
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And then he pulls his phone out and starts scrolling through pictures of other people.
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Oh my God, that s awful.
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Oh God.
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And then he comes across your grandma in a wedding dress.
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Ew, I m taking that picture down.
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Why, you might be helping somebody.
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No, I don t want them to be scrolling.
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Listen, I think it s an interesting question, because you should be in it for the pleasure.
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Yeah, but we re all egomaniacs.
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And I don t think there s a should or not.
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It s really, what are you after from a sexual experience?
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I happen to be after approval.
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So I, me blasting right away and then making excuses is not what I m in it for.
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So it s a big letdown to me.
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But if you re someone that just wants to get off and you re the girl, you re like, yeah, I got off.
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And then I told him like, Hey, this is starting to hurt.
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You ve been in there too long.
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Wrap it up.
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And then you re like, yeah, I don t care.
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Take a hike.
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Yeah.
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That s a version, which is fine.
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Everyone can do whatever they want to do.
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I just think that everyone just needs to get what they want.
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I mean, we have to be a little careful about sex for approval only.
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It s still very enjoyable for me.
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I love it.
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Don t take it away from me.
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I wanna be, I wanna do it the way I wanna do it.
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Okay, fine.
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Do whatever you want.
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Yeah, I think as long as both people are happy and everyone s getting what they want, that s the goal.
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It doesn t really matter what.
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I guess, yeah.
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Again, I m not a sub, but some subs love being a sub.
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Sure, people have all kinds of wants and desires.
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This is not even the prompt.
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We re really off of planet Earth.
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Topic.
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Topic s so literal.
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Okay, please enjoy stories about times people were grateful they lied.
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Hard times, come and go.
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Good times, take them slow.
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My life, I had them both.
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Remember one thing, you gotta know, I ma keep on shining.
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Hi, is this Kaylee?
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This is!
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Where are you at, Kaylee?
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I am in Boulder, Colorado in Weird Sim.
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I don t know if you remember talking to that adorable blonde nurse named Liv from the Heroes episode.
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Her mom got knocked out by the paddleboard when she was paddleboarding and she had to bring her to shore.
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Yeah, this is sounding, this is actually is sounding familiar.
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You know her?
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Yeah, we re really close friends.
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I thought you were gonna say you knew the person that left college in Colorado and got in an Uber, and then the person next to them shit their pants, and then they all jumped out of the Uber, including the driver.
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No.
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I wish you knew that person.
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That was, yeah.
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I don t think I ll ever hear Colorado and not think of that.
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I think the reason I blocked out a little bit of paddle board is because I sometimes block out a little bit of the water ones because they re too intense for me.
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So fair.
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Because I m too scared.
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She s very nervous about her own swimming.
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Is yours water related?
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It s not, it s not at all.
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All right.
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So you lied at some point and it turned out to be the right thing to do, or minimally you were grateful that you had lied.
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Walk us through this.
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So this takes place in second grade in Quaran elementary in South Elgin, Illinois, not too far from where Wabiwab grew up.
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I was the new kid in school.
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It was about a month into the school year.
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And there were these group of girls that I was absolutely infatuated with.
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I thought they were so cool and so sweet.
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They had the best snacks, just the trifecta that you want, an elementary school friendship.
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And so we were definitely like school friends.
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We would play together at recess and sit together at story time.
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But I just really wanted to be like in the group.
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And I had yet to be invited to like playdates or sleepovers or anything like that.
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Instead of going through the typical, oh, let me just invite them over to my house or let s just ask them if they want to be friends.
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My little seven-year-old brain thought it was a good idea to make them feel bad for me because if they did, then naturally they d want to be my friend.
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Okay, really just really quick touching with Monica.
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Is any of this ringing a bell?
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All of that, but I didn t go a sympathy route because I wanted to be strong.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Not the technique, but the shit.
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I want to invite them over, but I can t do that because you don t want anyone to come to your house.
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You want to be in the group.
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And you got to wait for them to invite you.
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OK.
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Totally.
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I think of a plan.
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I go to school the next day, super excited.
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I kind of corner them at recess when we re playing together.
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I m like, you guys, I have a secret.
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And that immediately captures their attention.
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And I go, the reason why I was the new kid at school this year is because my parents died in a car accident in Russia.
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In Russia!
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Yeah, in my Russian, not even a little bit.
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I m now living with my mean aunt and uncle.
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And it absolutely worked.
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Like they just enveloped me in a hug.
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They like invited me that day to their house.
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I was just on cloud nine.
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I was like, this is how I m going to make all my friends.
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I m a genius.
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Yeah, this is how Munchausen starts.
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I was just about to say, this is first step towards Munchausen s.
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Yeah, or Munchausen s.
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Well, I m gonna, I think it s Munchausen s.
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Happy to report that was the first and last symptom of it.
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Are you a nurse?
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I m a pediatric PT.
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Well, medical, medical field.
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Very close.
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I know.
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So I didn t really think through any of the details, like, what would I do when they actually came to my house?
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Or how am I going to continue this live?
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But I did have the wherewithal to make them pinky promise me that they wouldn t tell anyone.
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And in my brain, I was like, they pinky promised, secrets locked in.
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And so the rest of the week, I was just absolutely on cloud nine.
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I got invited to be in the group, capital G. And that Thursday comes around and I finally get invited to Cassie s house to sleep over.
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So excited, I like run home and I m doing cartwheels across my living room just like waiting for my mom to get off the phone because I want to ask her if I can go.
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And all of a sudden she hangs up the phone and she looks at me and she goes, so you re adopted, huh?
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And I just immediately burst into tears.
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Yeah, just so sad.
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Shocked beyond belief that someone had broken the pinky promise and that news got out.
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Feeling violated, betrayed, embarrassed about the lie.
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All of the above.
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Probably guilty because of the mom.
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Like now the mom feels like she s not good enough.
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Yeah.
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Totally.
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I was just begging her like, OK, don t make me tell them.
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They are my friends now.
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And she s like, no, Kaylee, you have to tell them.
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I was like trying to bargain, like, OK, just give me a couple of years, like wait till they know me better, so they like me.
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And she s like, no, tomorrow you have to go to school and tell them.
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What?
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Oh, boy.
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Well, of course.
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Why?
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Well, because the parent knows this is completely untenable.
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It s going to come out sooner or later.
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Better come out now.
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No, I would talk to the other moms and say, look, this is what happened.
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I m her mom, obviously.
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But this is a lie she s chosen to tell to gain the affection of your mean, bad daughters who refuse to hand out love on its own without lies.
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So I m just going to let her continue.
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Oh, yeah, or at least just let it fizzle out.
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Like, let it come out eventually.
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But I get it.
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I do respect the teaching moment.
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And I was absolutely petrified the next day walking into class.
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I remember being so silent, not wanting to look at them.
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They re probably over there thinking, oh, this poor girl.
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She s really in her head about her dead parents kind of a day.
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I decided that lunchtime would be the time that I would tell them.
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And so I m, like, slowly walking to the table that, again, I had just gotten invited to sit at.
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Oh, moms don t understand.
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You re really on our side for this.
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And I sit down and I m already crying.
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And they re like, Carrie, what s wrong?
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Are you missing your parents?
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And I m like, no, I have to tell you, I m not an orphan.
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My parents aren t dead.
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I just really wanted to be your friend.
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And so I told you that.
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Jaws dropped.
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It was silent.
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Everyone was shocked that I had come up with this lie.
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My friend Cassie then turns and puts her arm around me and goes, well, that s okay.
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You can still come over tonight if you want to sleepover.
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Oh, kids have grace too.
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Some of them.
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Some of them.
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In that one act of kindness, everyone was like, okay, I guess we re cool with this.
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And to this day, 20 years later, they re still my best friends in the world.
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Oh, wow!
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Do they all remember you telling them that?
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Yeah.
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It s like the, you know, fun fact whenever like, this is my friend, Kaylee, guess what she said to get me to be her friend.
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Oh, that s so cute.
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Wow.
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And it s a testament to when people admit what they do and they have some humility that 99% of the time people are compassionate.
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I would say like 23% of the time.
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I think you got so lucky that there was a Cassie in the group because if she hadn t done that, the rest of the girls are waiting for one person to make a decision.
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And so if one person had made a decision that was like, well, we can t trust you anymore.
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Yeah.
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But the foundation is so obvious and at the surface, which is this gal wanted to be friends with us so bad.
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As an adult, we can recognize that.
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That s what I m arguing that I think even like little people.
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You ve never been a little girl.
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I haven t.
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They can really be mean and like to say like, no, you re in it and no, you re not.
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Yes, for sure.
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So.
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Congratulations.
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Thank you.
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It turned out really well.
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However, since that day, I cannot lie because I m petrified of them having to face the aftermath of telling the truth.
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See, look at this.
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This is a big victory for the parents because it ended up, you got to be best friends with them anyways, and you never lied again.
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So, worked out pretty well this time.
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They rolled the dice and it worked out.
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It did.
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Oh, Monica, I can t wait to see you guide these situations.
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Hey, I m going to do great.
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No problem.
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I ll be your aunt for the next six years.
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We ll move districts at the end of that.
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And then you can start with the truth at the next school.
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Yeah, I ll start all over.
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Well, Kaylee, thanks for that adorable story.
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That one was high on cuteness factor.
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Thank you.
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It was so great to see you guys with my eyeballs and not just hearing my ears.
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This is so fun.
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Right back at you.
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We have no idea what anyone looks like that listens, but every time we meet arm cherries, it s the best.
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It s the best.
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Have a great rest of your day.
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Oh my God.
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She s so cute.
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What if that whole thing was a lie?
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Be friends with us.
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She has a history.
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I m fine with it.
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Okay.
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Fine with everyone lying.
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Sometimes you have to, to get through this life.
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Sure, of course.
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Well, there s innumerable times where a lie is appropriate.
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They re well documented in your standard philosophy class.
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Like the sand art and the cookies.
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Right.
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And the throwing up hot dogs.
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Yeah.
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Hi!
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Can you hear us?
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SPEAKER_01
I can.
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Can you hear me okay?
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Oh, wonderfully.
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And we re going to call you Lillian?
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Yes.
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I tried to do a little sneaky name change and Zoom said, no, we know you re not Lillian.
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I have so many friends that listen to this podcast that there s no chance this is going to be anonymous, but I d like to have them question themselves.
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Okay.
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No problem.
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Okay.
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Lillian, you told a lie at some point and you are ultimately grateful you did that.
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Yes.
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About two years ago, I met the sweetest, funniest, hottest human being on planet earth.
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Tell me more.
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At the time, I was coming off of catastrophic heartbreak, like the kind where your worldview changes.
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And I was definitely still nursing a sore heart, but I met this person we ll call Liam.
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And the first date was the best date I ve ever had.
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What s the best date for any aspiring suitors?
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Oh my gosh, do I have advice for this?
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Trivia Night at the diviest bar you can find in your area.
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Oh, that s fun.
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Yeah, it is fun.
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Characters left and right.
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Trivia is fun because you learn a little bit more about the person than you normally would.
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You can also just be embarrassed if you don t know something and you just get a lot of stuff out of the way in Trivia Night.
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Yeah.
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So I highly recommend.
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Okay.
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Is it risky though, because if you don t know anything, for me, I m so bad at trivia, they would just be like, you re stupid, you don t know anything.
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SPEAKER_01
Yes, but for me, I need to get that out of the way, because that s gonna come up regardless.
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That s true.
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They re gonna find out.
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SPEAKER_00
You re right.
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You don t know your geography, it s going to come up.
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That s really true.
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OK.
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I say, if you re feeling brave, get it out of the way.
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Go to trivia.
1
SPEAKER_01
So we did that and literally closed out.
1
SPEAKER_01
They had to ask us to leave because the vibes were immaculate.
1
SPEAKER_01
I still in the back of my mind was like, is love dead?
1
SPEAKER_01
But you know what?
1
SPEAKER_01
I m writing this thing until we can find out.
1
SPEAKER_01
So a few weeks into dating, I was falling in love.
1
SPEAKER_01
I ll just say at this point in the relationship,
1
SPEAKER_01
Bra was still matching undies.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m keeping it together.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m pretending like I naturally grabbed the black top and the black bottoms, as if I didn t dig around for that for half an hour.
1
SPEAKER_01
So one particular evening, we were having another one of our amazing dates, and I invited him back to my apartment.
1
SPEAKER_01
And up to this point, I had noticed in the date that my stomach was doing some things.
1
SPEAKER_01
It was still kind of indistinguishable from the early date jitters that you can get, you know, and I was excited.
1
SPEAKER_00
Butterflies, is it IBS?
1
SPEAKER_00
What are we dealing with here?
1
SPEAKER_01
100%.
1
SPEAKER_01
Every time I looked at this guy, I was getting butterflies.
1
SPEAKER_01
So it was definitely not setting off alarm bells until Disrobe getting bad sweats.
1
SPEAKER_03
Oh boy.
1
SPEAKER_03
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then chills.
1
SPEAKER_01
Uh-oh.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then I m pretty sure I gulped.
1
SPEAKER_01
It was one of those things, you know, where you re like, oh.
1
SPEAKER_01
Now I m having to pay more attention to the guards at the front and back exit.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s occurring to you, you have food poisoning.
1
SPEAKER_01
Something s happening.
1
SPEAKER_01
I didn t know for sure what it was from or what caused it, but it wasn t dating jitters.
1
SPEAKER_00
Right.
1
SPEAKER_01
And you re fully nude.
1
SPEAKER_01
I was in my skivvies at this point.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, okay, okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
Some barrier, all right.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, but I wanted to keep the good vibes going, because it wasn t like we were snuggling up to go to sleep.
1
SPEAKER_01
It was ramping up.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_01
My primary issue was that the head of the bed butted up against a very thin wall that was shared with my tiny bathroom.
1
SPEAKER_01
No!
1
SPEAKER_01
His beautiful, beautiful curly haired head was laid to rest on just the other side of where the toilet was.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I could tell what was happening was not going to go quietly into the night.
1
SPEAKER_01
It was going to be a ruckus because I even tried to do a little, I m going to go to the bathroom really quick and do a little tester.
1
SPEAKER_01
You know how you can like do a little, oh.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then I was like, nope, nope, get it together, get it together.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yes, yes, a lot of heat.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yes, so I still felt like a gust of wind could throw this relationship off.
1
SPEAKER_01
You know, when you re in that early phase where you re like, if he doesn t like my middle name, what if that s the thing?
1
SPEAKER_01
So I could tell this was more than a gust of wind and channeled my college education and determined I m going to take a shit in the communal apartment laundry room.
1
SPEAKER_01
Great.
1
SPEAKER_01
Because that s the only place I could think of that was not there and that I could get to and from quickly enough to not cause a scene.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, first of all, incredible good fortune that there s a public toilet in the laundry room.
1
SPEAKER_00
That feels very rare.
3
SPEAKER_02
To be completely honest, I kind of lied to her as well about how much I was feeling sick.
3
SPEAKER_03
Okay, great.
3
SPEAKER_03
I ve had a hunch there was something in there.
3
SPEAKER_01
Cause you thought she might push back?
3
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_03
Well, you were probably a little bit embarrassed that your anxiety was winning and you didn t want to let her in on that, that you have some anxiety around this.
3
SPEAKER_02
For sure.
3
SPEAKER_02
My anxiety does win a lot of times, but my wife now, she is definitely the most helpful person that I need in all these situations.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_02
At that time, of course, not only did I feel completely saved that I didn t have to go through what they went through, but on top of that, because it goes on your record.
3
SPEAKER_02
For me personally, I was studying journalism and I went on to be a television reporter to get a public figure ask type of job with that.
3
SPEAKER_02
is not great, so I m very glad I did not go.
3
SPEAKER_02
Unless you re an actor, then it s discouraged.
3
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, the more times you ve been arrested, the better.
3
SPEAKER_03
Hopefully, Taylor, your girlfriend of that time, is now listening and she s finding out the truth.
3
SPEAKER_03
All to say, everyone was spared, so she, too, benefited from this white lie.
3
SPEAKER_02
Oh, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_02
In fact, if we want to go down the whole butterfly effect, I likely would have never met my wife because of this situation.
3
SPEAKER_02
If my first job potentially saw this on my record and said, no, we re not hiring you, I wouldn t have gone to the television market I went to.
3
SPEAKER_02
And she worked at the opposite station as a reporter.
3
SPEAKER_02
Oh, wow.
3
SPEAKER_02
We met kind of as like a Romeo, Juliet situation.
3
SPEAKER_02
Oh, I love it.
3
SPEAKER_02
Rival reporters.
3
SPEAKER_02
Wow.
3
SPEAKER_02
She was NBC.
3
SPEAKER_02
I was CBS at the time.
3
SPEAKER_03
Oh my gosh.
3
SPEAKER_03
The peacock versus the whatever we call CBS.
3
SPEAKER_03
The eye?
3
SPEAKER_03
I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_01
The peacock versus the eye.
3
SPEAKER_01
The circle thing.
3
SPEAKER_03
Well, Taylor, thanks so much for telling us that story.
3
SPEAKER_03
This is a big win for Line.
3
SPEAKER_02
My wife and I, we absolutely love your guys  podcast.
3
SPEAKER_02
Would it be possible?
3
SPEAKER_03
Get her in here.
3
SPEAKER_03
Let s see her.
3
SPEAKER_03
All right.
3
SPEAKER_04
Hi guys.
3
SPEAKER_03
Hello, how are you?
3
SPEAKER_04
I m good.
3
SPEAKER_03
I think it s adorable that you guys were rival reporters and you found one another.
3
SPEAKER_00
We were, did you tell them?
3
SPEAKER_03
I did not tell them our names.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, my name is also Taylor.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, cute.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh my, ding, ding, ding.
3
SPEAKER_02
Ding, ding, ding.
3
SPEAKER_03
How convenient.
3
SPEAKER_03
Surprise.
3
SPEAKER_01
Taylor v. Taylor.
3
SPEAKER_01
Before we signed on, we were wondering, I wonder if this will be a male Taylor or a female Taylor.
3
SPEAKER_03
And it was both.
3
SPEAKER_01
And now it was both.
3
SPEAKER_01
It was both.
3
SPEAKER_01
Story of our lives.
3
SPEAKER_02
Well, so nice meeting you.
3
SPEAKER_02
So nice meeting you guys.
3
SPEAKER_02
Thank you so much.
3
SPEAKER_02
All right.
3
SPEAKER_02
Take care.
3
SPEAKER_02
Bye.
3
SPEAKER_01
Taylor and Taylor.
3
SPEAKER_01
Taylor and Taylor.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s when Taylor Swift was dating Taylor Lautner.
3
SPEAKER_00
Hi!
3
SPEAKER_03
How are you?
3
SPEAKER_00
I m great.
3
SPEAKER_00
I was just closing my door.
3
SPEAKER_00
Is there a full-size Barbie behind you?
3
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, what s happening behind you with this mannequin?
3
SPEAKER_00
I was gonna keep it naked, but my son told me that I d probably get canceled, so I decided to put a dress on.
3
SPEAKER_03
Oh, not on this show you want it.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I know.
3
SPEAKER_03
Are you in your closet?
3
SPEAKER_00
No.
3
SPEAKER_00
So my house is under renovation right now.
3
SPEAKER_00
So this is my room with a Peloton in it.
3
SPEAKER_00
My husband s office is kind of everything.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I have a dress company.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I just put a bunch of dresses back here because I was following the directions.
3
SPEAKER_00
So sort of a closet.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then over here, I made a fort.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I kind of did half fort half closet.
3
SPEAKER_00
I put the mannequin in front of it to like make the court look more realistic.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s so funny because all I do all day is tell my kids to go build a fucking fort and they won t.
3
SPEAKER_00
But that s what I love to do when I was a kid.
3
SPEAKER_00
I can t get them to do it.
3
SPEAKER_03
Sarah, when mushroom trips go bad, it looks like the environment you re in.
3
SPEAKER_03
Like there s a dollar behind her.
3
SPEAKER_03
And then there s like an inordinate amount of beautiful dresses hanging.
3
SPEAKER_03
That s confusing.
3
SPEAKER_03
And then there s, is that a fort?
3
SPEAKER_03
A lot of mixed media happening.
3
SPEAKER_00
There s a lot going on in this room.
3
SPEAKER_03
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_03
So Sarah, you told a lie at some point in your life and you re grateful for it though.
3
SPEAKER_00
I am.
3
SPEAKER_00
This was like 2015.
3
SPEAKER_00
I had a two year old and a five year old at the time boys.
3
SPEAKER_00
And it was the summer.
3
SPEAKER_00
I live in like a nice suburban neighborhood outside of Charleston.
3
SPEAKER_00
You know, there s like next door neighbor apps.
3
SPEAKER_00
A mom put up an app, like saying that she had a daughter who was super responsible and she was looking for some summer work, like mommy s helper.
3
SPEAKER_00
She was like 15, 16.
3
SPEAKER_00
She had a built-in reference because she like knew people in the neighborhood.
3
SPEAKER_00
I didn t need anyone to drive.
3
SPEAKER_00
You know, I just needed to make peanut butter and jelly, play Legos with my boys, keep them alive for two or three hours while I did whatever I needed to do.
3
SPEAKER_00
So let s say this girl s name was Lola.
3
SPEAKER_00
She was sweet, but she was kind of reserved and a little bit awkward around adults, but she s just a teenager.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I really didn t think much of it.
3
SPEAKER_00
And this might ve been the fourth or fifth time she d come over.
3
SPEAKER_00
And in this scenario, I was taking my older son to a tennis lesson and she was just going to stay with my younger son, Frank, who was two.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, just make him a peanut butter and jelly.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m going to take him to tennis and stay and I ll be back in two hours.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I left and I forgot the tennis racket.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I came back and I ran inside and I leaned over into the playroom because I knew they were probably like freaked out that someone s storming into the house.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I m like, I m just grabbing the tennis racket.
3
SPEAKER_00
No big deal.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then I noticed in the kitchen, I looked to the right that there was a pot on the stove.
3
SPEAKER_00
No big deal.
3
SPEAKER_00
But I was like, did she make something?
3
SPEAKER_00
So I went over real quick and I was like, oh my gosh, she made, I had spinach tortellini, that Trader Joe s pasta.
3
SPEAKER_00
I used to make that a lot for my kids because I thought they were eating their vegetables.
3
SPEAKER_00
You do what you can.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I reached back into the playroom and I was like, Lola, thank you so much.
3
SPEAKER_00
You made the Spanish tortellini.
3
SPEAKER_00
She s like, no, I didn t.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, what do you mean?
3
SPEAKER_00
I saw the pot and she s like, I ve never seen that pot before in my life.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m like, I got to go to tennis.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I get back in the car and I m driving and my head starts spinning.
3
SPEAKER_00
I call my husband and I m thinking through like all these scenarios.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m like, why am I making such a big deal about this?
3
SPEAKER_00
It s no big deal.
3
SPEAKER_00
I was like, wait a second.
3
SPEAKER_00
Her mom placed that ad and I d heard she was renting in our neighborhood and she was divorced and all these things don t necessarily mean anything.
3
SPEAKER_00
But I started putting them together.
3
SPEAKER_00
I was like, she s a young girl.
3
SPEAKER_00
I was like, what if they re having a hard time making ends meet?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
pasta and it cooled off and it s perfect.
3
SPEAKER_00
You put it in a Ziploc bag and she takes in her backpack and goes home.
3
SPEAKER_00
I was like, maybe she s starving.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I get to tennis and I see someone I know and I m like, can you bring Simeon home?
3
SPEAKER_00
And I m going to go back to the house.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I was like, all right, I m going to talk to her.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I came back to the house.
3
SPEAKER_00
And the first thing I did is I went into the trash and she d hidden the spinach tortellini wrapper at the very bottom.
3
SPEAKER_00
I said, listen, is there anything you want to tell me?
3
SPEAKER_00
I know we haven t known each other that long, but I was a teenager once.
3
SPEAKER_00
And it s really bizarre that you re lying about this.
3
SPEAKER_00
Cause I saw that you made the pasta.
3
SPEAKER_00
And honestly, I m impressed.
3
SPEAKER_00
I was like, Kendall Jenner can t cut a cucumber.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I didn t want to ask like a 14 year old to boil water.
3
SPEAKER_00
I was like, when I asked you, I wasn t trying to accuse you of anything.
3
SPEAKER_00
I was saying thank you.
3
SPEAKER_00
And she finally admitted to it.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, why did you lie?
3
SPEAKER_00
I was still trying to get to it.
3
SPEAKER_00
And she s like,
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I kind of chalked it up to the fact that she s just an awkward kid.
3
SPEAKER_00
She leaves.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then I start thinking more about it that I hadn t seen my wedding ring.
3
SPEAKER_00
And at this point, I think I ve been married for 10 years and I m one to misplace my ring a lot.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I do not want to jump to conclusions.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I look everywhere and I don t see it.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then I m like, okay, well, sometimes I take it off in my bedside table.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I go to my bedside table and the ring is not there.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I realized something else is missing from my bedside table.
3
SPEAKER_03
Oh my goodness.
3
SPEAKER_03
A toy?
3
SPEAKER_03
A toy.
3
SPEAKER_00
No.
3
SPEAKER_00
A pink one.
3
SPEAKER_00
My husband gave it, I mean, it s, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, it has sentimental value.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s not like I take that around.
3
SPEAKER_00
No.
3
SPEAKER_00
I went in my husband s bedside table and the loop was gone.
3
SPEAKER_00
Fourteen?
3
SPEAKER_00
So then I go in the boys  rooms and I look in their piggy banks and all the ones at five dollar bills or whatever are gone.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh my goodness.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I went in my closet and I noticed I don t have any matching underwear or whatever, but I had one red fancy lingerie thing that was gone and the thong that went with it red.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I m like, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m like, I ve got to call her mom.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
I first call a girl in the neighbor that I know knows the mom.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I m like, am I going to dealing with like, not my daughter, defensive lady or what?
3
SPEAKER_00
She said, no, she owns an art school.
3
SPEAKER_00
She s well-respected in the community.
3
SPEAKER_00
She should be understanding.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I m like, oh, you know, my stomach hurts like having to call her.
3
SPEAKER_00
Also, I have to talk to her about hygiene, then I humiliate the daughter.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_03
And you re going to tell her about your vibrator missing in some lubricant.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I call the mom and before I even finished the first sentence, she s like, oh no.
3
SPEAKER_00
And so I get the sense that this is not.
3
SPEAKER_00
She s like, I ll have her come over tonight and talk to you and bring you everything.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I m like, okay.
3
SPEAKER_00
So that night I was having some neighbors over having a small dinner party, just four of us.
3
SPEAKER_00
So it s now 930 and the mom texts me that they re on their way over.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I m like, oh my God, now I ve had quite a bit of wine.
3
SPEAKER_00
And sometimes when I drink wine, I feel like I m really wise.
3
SPEAKER_00
Sure, sure.
3
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
I start talking to her and she breaks down in tears and she has this plastic bag and in it are the bra and underwear and costume jewelry that I didn t even notice and like a pink tank top and some other tank tops and the money and all the checks I d written her.
3
SPEAKER_00
Obviously, I told her to keep the pink vibrating fun toy.
3
SPEAKER_00
I guess I can say that.
3
SPEAKER_00
I would tell my friends when I did this podcast that I was going to go by Vivian or like Natasha.
3
SPEAKER_00
She cries and everything.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, hey, listen, I was young once.
3
SPEAKER_00
You need to just really dig deep.
3
SPEAKER_00
But if you want to call me next week and we can maybe sit down.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_00
I just felt really bad for her because I didn t know what was going on with her.
3
SPEAKER_03
It s not the sign of someone that s thriving.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, exactly.
3
SPEAKER_00
So she left and I went back to the dinner party and I was like, well, she didn t steal the wedding ring.
3
SPEAKER_00
And they were like, you re so dumb.
3
SPEAKER_00
Of course she stole the wedding ring.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I m like,
4
SPEAKER_00
Like I lose my ring all the time, but then I was like, you know what?
4
SPEAKER_00
I always find it.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s been 10 years.
4
SPEAKER_00
So I don t lose it.
4
SPEAKER_00
I misplace it.
4
SPEAKER_00
So it was Valentine s day weekend.
4
SPEAKER_00
We were taking my kids to Savannah.
4
SPEAKER_00
We d already had it planned.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I m like, I don t know what to do.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like, I can t say you stole it and bring it back.
4
SPEAKER_00
She already said she didn t have it.
4
SPEAKER_00
I forgot to tell that earlier that I d asked her and she said she didn t have it and I took her word for it.
4
SPEAKER_00
So what I decided to do was I called her mom and she didn t answer and I left her a message and I just said, hi, I m leaving town for the weekend.
4
SPEAKER_00
I haven t had a chance to check all my nanny cams because it s been a busy day and we re leaving town.
4
SPEAKER_00
When we come back on Sunday, I m coming over to the house when I return and I expect to have my wedding ring.
4
SPEAKER_00
Otherwise, I m going to have to get the police involved.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I really don t want to have to do that to your daughter, who s a minor.
4
SPEAKER_00
Please let me know that you ve got this message and that I will have my wedding ring on Sunday.
4
SPEAKER_00
I felt horrible because what if I had lost weight?
4
SPEAKER_00
Right.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s risky.
4
SPEAKER_00
I was pure pressured into it by my husband and my friends.
4
SPEAKER_00
And kind of the logic was making sense.
4
SPEAKER_00
She was dressed up in my underwear and playing with a dildo.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_02
All boundaries have been crossed.
4
SPEAKER_00
Sure enough, I came back on Sunday, they sent me a text, and they didn t say what was going on, so I was a little nervous.
4
SPEAKER_00
I went to their house and I knocked on the door, and sure enough, she gave me my wedding ring.
4
SPEAKER_01
So no nanny, you didn t have any nanny cams?
4
SPEAKER_00
So, yes, so that s the lie, I did not have any nanny cams.
4
SPEAKER_00
I thought about doing that forever, I just always felt like you should trust the person in your house anyway.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
As someone who s nannied, I appreciate no nanny cams.
4
SPEAKER_00
I agree.
4
SPEAKER_00
And if you do have them, they don t even have to be a nanny cam.
4
SPEAKER_00
But if you were to have a camera, I would be like, we have cameras in our house.
4
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
4
SPEAKER_00
You should disclose that.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s why it s a lie that I was not very proud of.
4
SPEAKER_02
Now, you know how the police feel when they re interrogating.
4
SPEAKER_02
They re like, we have your fingerprints.
4
SPEAKER_02
They don t.
4
SPEAKER_02
Right.
4
SPEAKER_02
Or that we have footage.
4
SPEAKER_02
They do that.
4
SPEAKER_02
They re allowed to do that.
4
SPEAKER_02
Did you have any other interaction with this young gal after?
4
SPEAKER_00
The mother actually emailed me a few months later and was like, hi, I just wanted to apologize again.
4
SPEAKER_00
Thank you so much for being understanding and sweet to my daughter.
4
SPEAKER_00
She has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder.
4
SPEAKER_00
which is a horrible but also a good thing because then they can understand what s going on and treat it.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, therapy and medicine.
4
SPEAKER_00
So that s a step in the right direction for her.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yes, yes, yes.
4
SPEAKER_00
You might have been not understanding what these feelings were about.
4
SPEAKER_00
And maybe it was sort of a catalyst for her getting more help, as opposed to just getting in trouble and stealing things.
4
SPEAKER_00
And you know, no one understanding why.
4
SPEAKER_02
Right.
4
SPEAKER_02
And I don t know how consistent this is, but I do know a few different people who ve had bipolar episodes and impulsivity has been a part of that.
4
SPEAKER_02
I know a few people that have bought cars out of nowhere.
4
SPEAKER_00
They spend too much money.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_02
There s like some major impulsivity.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_02
So that sounds related.
4
SPEAKER_02
I m sure it was.
4
SPEAKER_00
Right.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s true.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
And their manic phase and then there are other phases of depression.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, the ramp up phase.
4
SPEAKER_02
You go buy a cool car from the outside.
4
SPEAKER_02
It would appear that I ve had a lot of those spells, I guess.
4
SPEAKER_02
Too many cars around here.
4
SPEAKER_02
Well, you were a blast.
4
SPEAKER_02
Thanks so much for telling us that story.
4
SPEAKER_02
It was great meeting you.
4
SPEAKER_00
Thanks for having me.
4
SPEAKER_00
Bye bye.
4
SPEAKER_00
Take care.
4
SPEAKER_00
Bye.
4
SPEAKER_02
Well, have you told any lies?
4
SPEAKER_02
You re glad you did?
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I m sure.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I wouldn t even know where to begin.
4
SPEAKER_01
I know, I know.
4
SPEAKER_02
Told some whoppers straight to cops.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, and I got you free.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, that s right.
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t not like that I lied about the hot dog.
4
SPEAKER_02
Right, right, right.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like, it didn t bite me in the ass that I did that.
4
SPEAKER_01
It just didn t work.
4
SPEAKER_02
Also, you lied on my behalf once when all the appliances were stolen out of the duplexes right before they got rented.
4
SPEAKER_02
and the new tenant noticed, and then you had to quickly say, I forget what you said.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I said like, oh, we re replacing those with like really nice.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, what a nicer one.
4
SPEAKER_01
Blah, blah, blah, blah.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh, ones that aren t stolen.
4
SPEAKER_02
Oh my God, I forgot about that.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_02
That s when I knew you were down.
4
SPEAKER_01
I was so scared.
4
SPEAKER_02
That was a trial by fire.
4
SPEAKER_02
You passed.
4
SPEAKER_02
All right, love you.
4
SPEAKER_01
Love you.
4
SPEAKER_03
Do you wanna sing a tune or something?
4
SPEAKER_03
Or a theme song?
4
SPEAKER_03
Oh.
4
SPEAKER_03
Okay, great.
4
SPEAKER_03
We don t have a theme song for this new show, so here I go, go, go.
4
SPEAKER_03
We re gonna ask some random questions, and with the help of armchairies, we ll get some suggestions on the fly, right?