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My name is Lee Hawkins.
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I ve been a journalist for over 25 years.
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On my new podcast, What Happened in Alabama, I get answers to some of the hardest questions about how things came to be for many black Americans and the truth that must come before any reconciliation can happen.
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I investigate my family history, my upbringing in Minnesota, and my father s painful nightmares about growing up in Alabama.
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What Happened in Alabama is a new series confronting the cycles of trauma for myself, my family, and for many Black Americans.
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Listen now.
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I m gonna hit record now.
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You guys, good luck.
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We re recording.
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And we are on with Tig Notaro.
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She has been at it, as they say in the business, for several years.
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And Tig, we re so happy to have you on today.
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And Tig, tell us, what do you fear the most?
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Let s just start there.
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I would say this interview would be the most terrifying thing.
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This is Don t Ask Tig, I m Tig Notaro.
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And you, you asked again.
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Again, you did it.
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Keep asking.
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Here to help me today is my good friend and neighbor, Sean Hayes.
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Hi, everybody.
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What do you mean, hi, everybody?
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Okay, hi, listener.
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Thank you.
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Sean, you are my neighbor.
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I know.
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We live so close to each other yet we re Zooming, or we re podcasting right now.
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And you d think we would have had a social distancing visit, but I know you don t like to leave.
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I don t like to leave.
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But before the pandemic, we had a fun game going where I would text you when I was going down your street and say, we re headed down your street, which I won t name right now.
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And then you come out.
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And you pretend that you don t even notice us while our family honks and waves wildly, trying to get your attention, and you don t look up.
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That s right.
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You wanted me to text like I was texting.
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And so we ve done that.
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It s fun.
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It makes me laugh.
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It s so hard not to laugh as you drive by.
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And it s even harder not to raise my head and look at you guys drive by.
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Yeah.
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Maybe we ll do that since it seems like a safe pandemic game.
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Sean, you know, a lot of the world, if we re honest, they know and love you as Jack on Will & Grace.
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Not as me, though, but as Jack, yeah.
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You as Jack.
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Yes, yes.
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You play Jack on Will & Grace.
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People love it.
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And I think they d be surprised how this... And I guess I say this because I was surprised how down to earth and authentic
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of a guy you seem to be, because I think that you re so funny, I kind of fell for, and this isn t a backhanded compliment, I promise you.
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I could see it coming from a mile away.
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I could see it coming from your house to mine.
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But I thought you were gonna be somebody that was just nonstop jokes and bits all the time.
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A lot of people think that.
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Yeah, you sit down and you are ready and willing to have a real conversation.
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Oh God, yeah, it s the only way to get by, right?
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Do you have to deal with people who expect you to be something else?
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I mean, obviously you have to, because anyone that s on TV and film, they re surprised when you re not exactly that person.
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Well, you know, there is a exhausting, anxiety-filled expectation to be something and to be quote-unquote on, you know what I mean?
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Okay, this is what I equate it to.
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When you watch a late night talk show and there is a funny person on, known for comedy, and they don t deliver, the person at home goes, yeah, I saw so-and-so and they weren t that funny.
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And it s like, so there goes that expectation, right?
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And then conversely, if there is an actor on a talk show who s known for drama, and only drama, and they say one thing that s funny on that talk show,
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People go, and they re funny.
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They can do everything, right?
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That reminds me of when I watch a band or a singer-songwriter, and they re just singing their songs, and then in between, they say one funny quip, and the entire theater is just...
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They re laughing so hard and I just live like.
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Right.
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The expectation is to always deliver and always be on.
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And to me, it s kind of exhausting and people are like, well, just, you know, fuck it.
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Like, don t, or can I say that on there?
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Screw it.
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I don t know.
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Okay.
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Screw it.
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They re like, screw it.
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Just cut that out.
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So then people are like, screw it.
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You know, like friends are like, so just, just be yourself.
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But myself,
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is incredibly boring.
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No, no, I know.
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But... Also, we re gonna keep in, we re not gonna edit out you trying to navigate whether or not you should say screw it.
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That s staying in.
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Yeah.
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Yeah, yeah.
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Okay, good.
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You know how to find good content.
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I do.
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Yeah.
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I just look around the neighborhood and I find
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Good content.
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You re like a metal detector, but for content.
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Mm-hmm.
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All right, well, that s our show.
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Sean, all right, you left college.
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I didn t even make it to college.
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You left college with a couple of classes short of graduating, and although that is glaring, I think everybody can see that.
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It hasn t held you back.
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Do you have advice for anyone who is thinking about leaving school for another opportunity?
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That s how I feel.
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Yeah.
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Get out.
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Scram.
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I think it depends on what your interests are.
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I think I was a piano major, a piano performance
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major with a theater and minor, neither of which you need a degree to do those, right?
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And so either you can play the piano or not.
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It s not like you go for an audition for the Chicago Symphony Orchestra and you blow it.
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And then they stamp it with approved.
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On your certificate.
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Right.
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Or if you blow it, you don t go, but I have a degree.
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They don t care.
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Right?
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And it s not like you go in an audition for a TV show or a movie or a play or whatever, and they go, sorry, you didn t get the part, but I have a degree in it.
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Well, I don t care.
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You either are good or you re not at those kind of performing, you know, abilities.
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So I would say my long-winded advice is if it s in the performing arts of any kind, art of any kind, you don t need school.
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Experience is worth far more.
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But if you have a specialty, like you want to be, you know, a clinical engineer or like, you know, rocket scientist, then yeah, I would advise you stay.
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Since it seems important.
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Well, and if they wanna be a rocket scientist, I imagine they want to be in school.
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Yeah.
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I failed three grades and dropped out of high school.
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Are you serious?
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Yes, I got my GED, which I will send you a picture of, my cat ate it, because it was sitting on a table, and then I have it framed.
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Which is the same excuse you gave in high school, yeah.
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Yes, and you re super super smart and super talented.
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And what would your advice be kind of similar to mine?
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Um I yeah, I think that I really struggle with school I know it s the right thing to do to tell people to stay in school.
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I think high school is a must I m talking about college Yeah, okay.
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I m talking about anything.
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Uh, i m saying if you are five and you ve had a toddle out the door
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But I, I just, I don t know.
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I, I felt, you know, it was a really special moment in my life.
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My stepfather, who is, he was military.
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He s an attorney.
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He very much didn t understand me.
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And, um, and I dropped out and kind of tried to make my way in the world and in a way that he didn t understand.
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And,
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we ve been down a long road together.
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And when I had kids, we were driving somewhere and he said, I hope it s okay, but I started college funds for your kids.
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And I said, oh, that s so nice.
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And he said, but I want you to know that the kind of fund that I started
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it s just any continuing education.
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If they wanted to be an artist or wanted to do masonry, whatever they want to do, it s there for them.
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And that was his big acknowledgment that it doesn t have to be a four-year college, which is what he really
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Well, that s really interesting.
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That s fantastic.
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And has he kind of acknowledged to you in both of your older years that, you know, he now sees clearly what you were going after and now sees more clearly what your plan was?
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Yes, it took him a long time, I would say.
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And seven, eight years ago, he still was telling me I should go to business school.
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And and then after my mother died, and we were driving away from Mississippi from the funeral, he he was in tears, apologizing, saying that he realized that I should be doing exactly what I m doing.
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And he said that
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he finally realized that it s not the child s responsibility to teach a parent who they are, it s the parent s responsibility to learn who their child is.
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Wow, I love that.
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And he said, I didn t do that, and I am so sorry.
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And I was just stunned that my mother was not around to hear that.
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Right.
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Now, I don t know if this is as good a time as any to bring up the fact that I did speak to your father.
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Okay.
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Okay, he s... My stepfather or my father?
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Because my father s dead also.
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Yeah.
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I m an orphan.
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Yeah.
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Okay, so you spoke to my dead father.
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Yes, and he was still questioning the metaphorical left turn you ve taken.
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You reached out to him.
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Yep.
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Okay.
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No, he reached out to me.
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He reached out to you.
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I m too busy to be looking for people.
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He found me.
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Looking up dead parents.
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He said the most direct route to my daughter is through Sean Hayes.
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Jack from Will and Grace.
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Here I ve said that you re an authentic person.
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We haven t even gotten to a question yet.
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Okay, all right, but wait, I need to say, all joking aside, that s pretty powerful what your father said.
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My stepfather.
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Well, you said father, but stepfather.
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Okay, fine.
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That s very powerful.
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We can rewind and I can prove you wrong.
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I said my stepfather.
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Okay, I m pretty sure you said father.
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You hear what you want to hear.
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Okay, sure.
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It is powerful, it s so powerful.
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It s super powerful, but wait, but wait, wait, the fact that he said it s the parent s responsibility to learn what they re, what did he say, to learn?
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He said it s not the child s responsibility to teach the parents who they are.
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Right.
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It s the parent s responsibility to learn who their child is.
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SPEAKER_03
Yeah, for sure, yeah, that s so awesome, and that s so true.
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Yeah, I couldn t even believe it came from him because he s so, you know, without emotion and buttoned up and I need you to make eye contact with me.
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What s Scotty doing?
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Sorry, I have a new child, I have a new child.
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My puppy, seriously.
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Oh.
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I m trying, 24 sevens, 24 seven.
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SPEAKER_02
Well, listen, should we call you back when we have a better time for you?
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SPEAKER_03
No, he s fine, he s all settled down now.
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Okay, let s get to the questions here, okay?
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Okay, sorry.
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Here comes the first question Maddie writes
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My boyfriend wants to run away in a lope, and I want to have a big wedding with all the pomp and circumstance.
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What do we do?
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Am I selfish for wanting a big wedding?
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Yeah, so elope.
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Here s why.
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Oh.
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It s too expensive.
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It s a bill that you ll have that only lasts for one night.
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SPEAKER_03
Yes, it s special, but the specialness shouldn t be about the,
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about the pomp and circumstance of it.
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The specialness should be about the... The hoo-ha.
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Yeah, the hoo-ha.
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The specialness should be about the fact that you two love each other and want to get married and spend the rest of your life.
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You can shout that out to the world on Instagram or Facebook or Twitter and reach far more people than you would at a wedding celebration, and it costs nothing.
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So, I understand you want to... You re assuming that Maddie has a lot of followers on social media.
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No, even if she doesn t, then that s a different kind of advice column.
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Okay.
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But...
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I would save the money.
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It s not important to throw this big hoo-ha.
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It s only important to have the people who mean the most to you closest to you during your special day.
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That s it.
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That s the wrong answer.
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Okay.
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I had a big wedding.
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Stephanie and I were going to get married.
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Just, you know, one of those one-on-one in Hawaii type things.
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So this isn t a one-sided advice thing.
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You re going to go out and say I was wrong?
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Well, we fight, we battle it out until you agree with me.
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Because your producer said they want to get advice from you, Sean.
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I was like, great.
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And now Tig s saying the opposite.
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But tell me, so you guys had a huge wedding and you would advise that you would do that because it creates memories and it s a celebration.
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Well, I just was not ever somebody that wanted to even get married.
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I always had some rotating dating situation, and I just thought, well, I ll have a kid someday, and then this spot will always be filled by somebody new, I guess, because I can t seem to pull off a successful relationship until Stephanie, and then the more we talked about it, and then,
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We just ended up having a wedding, and it was a destination wedding, and there was 350 people there, and I would do it every year of my life.
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Really?
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It was so off-the-hook fun.
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SPEAKER_03
Oh, I guess I didn t get my invitation.
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You did not.
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We only invited 350 people, so...
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I didn t make the cut, I didn t make the cut.
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No.
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Okay.
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But I do understand.
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I think obviously, if you re in love and you want to be with somebody, anything you do is going to be special.
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That s right.
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That s the advice.
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That is correct.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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But I just thought of a great title for a book if you and Stephanie ever, or if you ever want to write a book or a novel, it should be called like a romance novel, call it Until Stephanie.
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Next question.
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I m just allowing you time to really cackle at your joke.
0
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It s not a joke.
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I think that s a good title.
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OK, moving on.
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Ah, thanks for your question, Maddie.
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Send us a picture from whatever wedding you decide on.
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I know it s going to be beautiful.
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More questions right after this break.
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And I want to warn you, Sean, the next question is a real... Oh boy!
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I m Ben Nadafafri, host of the history show The Last Archive, and I want to tell you about a new series we re running in our feed.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s called The Deadline, six essays written and read by Jill Lepore, the New Yorker writer, American historian, and founding host of our show.
0
SPEAKER_01
These are incredible essays on everything from the history of cryogenics to the Silicon Valley gospel of disruption.
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SPEAKER_01
And at the end of each essay, I interview Jill about her craft as a writer.
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You can listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
0
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Okay, we re back with what I call a hoo boy question.
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Hoo boy.
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Hoo boy.
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Hoo boy.
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Hoo boy.
0
Hoo boy.
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Do you like that?
0
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I like it.
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SPEAKER_02
Yeah, they re real sticky ones, all right?
0
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Jamie writes, should I make a Facebook announcement that I m getting divorced?
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Should I include that my husband is a cheater?
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I The answer is no you shouldn t do a I m getting divorced if you do I wouldn t do it in a dramatic way of taking someone down I would maybe you know if you re if you re thinking you want to make the announcement because you d like to Be able to get on with your life
1
SPEAKER_01
in a not anxious and you know like oh what are people gonna think I haven t posted about my husband or who s this random person I m making out with in a picture maybe let people know that you ve
1
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gone your separate ways with your husband, but I wouldn t go to the place of saying why it dissolved or that your husband is a cheater.
1
SPEAKER_01
I think that it s okay to share personal things.
1
SPEAKER_01
This is my feeling.
1
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I think it s okay to share personal information, but I don t think that when I say going negative,
1
SPEAKER_01
I just don t think I just don t think you should do that.
1
SPEAKER_01
I think it s it s best to take the high road.
1
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How do you feel, Sean?
1
SPEAKER_05
Oh, okay.
1
SPEAKER_05
Do you want to go first?
1
SPEAKER_05
Oh, you went first.
1
SPEAKER_05
So listen, I, I kind of right.
1
SPEAKER_01
Next question.
1
SPEAKER_01
Right.
1
SPEAKER_05
No, I agree with you.
1
SPEAKER_05
I think you have to work against the temptation of getting your anger out in that way.
1
SPEAKER_05
Because I know the desire is to smear somebody who s hurt you.
1
SPEAKER_05
But if you can take a beat, breathe, and realize that that only will make, like you said, it ll only bring more drama into your life, and you re trying to get rid of that drama.
1
SPEAKER_05
So I think that s something to consider.
1
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Yeah, and if you do make a Facebook announcement,
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I would make it as neutral and authentic, because people are gonna find out ultimately that he cheated and whatever happened.
1
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But I just, I think it s best to really try and rise above that kind of stuff and it s gonna feel better.
1
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It will feel better.
1
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Yeah, and you won t regret it.
1
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You don t wanna do something you might regret later, like in a year or two years or three years or whatever.
1
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but I feel for you, Jamie.
1
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And Sean and I, I would say we will be thinking about you.
1
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For sure.
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I ll be thinking about Jamie and I hope it goes well because I know what that s like to go through, I mean, not a divorce, but a breakup of any kind is always difficult.
1
SPEAKER_01
Next question, Sean, we re gonna be talking anxiety.
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Oh, that s why I live.
1
SPEAKER_01
Do you have a lot of anxiety?
1
SPEAKER_01
I m prozac as you re biting your nail.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah as you are biting your fingernail Yeah, liz writes i m dealing with some changes in my life my fiancee new in-laws New siblings-in-law New house new job.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s a lot How do you cope with all the newness without your anxiety swallowing you up meditation?
1
SPEAKER_01
Do you meditate?
1
SPEAKER_05
I did.
1
SPEAKER_05
It got me through some stuff.
1
SPEAKER_05
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_05
Meditation really does help.
1
SPEAKER_05
Now, it really true.
1
SPEAKER_05
And I thought it was, you know, hocus pocus, dumb crap.
1
SPEAKER_05
And I didn t believe in it.
1
SPEAKER_05
And I was like, but I was at my wit s end and I tried and I would try and my doctor recommended it.
1
SPEAKER_05
And so.
1
SPEAKER_05
I force myself to do it and it s really, really hard if you re not the kind of person to kind of slow down and you do have like an ADD issue or an anxiety issue.
1
SPEAKER_05
But it s really, it s just like going to the gym or eating healthy or any kind of thing you don t want to do is to slow down, really do it for yourself, take a few seconds to
1
SPEAKER_05
breathe, and I tell people who I love very much to just do that, and I go, I know it sounds so corny, so stupid, you can make fun of me, we can laugh about it, but if you do take a few seconds to just take a deep breath, maybe three to five in a row,
1
SPEAKER_05
It really helps, and I don t know why, but it really, it s magical.
1
SPEAKER_05
And if you can do even, start with one minute meditation, then work and do that for a week.
1
SPEAKER_05
One minute a day, that s 60 seconds, and then do, just like baby steps, just like you do working out.
1
SPEAKER_05
Then you do five minutes, and before you know it, you ll be like meditating for 20 minutes, and your whole life will change.
1
SPEAKER_05
The anxiety does really curb.
1
SPEAKER_05
Also list making.
1
SPEAKER_05
Just write out what you re feeling.
1
SPEAKER_05
I do that a lot.
1
SPEAKER_05
I just write it out and it really helps to get it out of your head and onto something.
1
SPEAKER_05
So then wait a day and read it again and it really kind of organizes your thoughts.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I can t argue with that.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m I, yeah, we re not gonna fight about this.
1
SPEAKER_01
But I, I don t keep a regular journal.
1
SPEAKER_01
But when I m going through a really hard time, I will write every day because, you know, with time, you can just be
1
SPEAKER_01
it just kind of gets gray and confusing when you look back at what was going on or why did I feel that way?
1
SPEAKER_01
And when you really have it right there in front of you to go back and reference, it can give you clarity.
1
SPEAKER_05
Do you write down goals?
1
SPEAKER_01
I do.
1
SPEAKER_05
Yeah, I think that s super important too.
1
SPEAKER_05
Even the dumbest goals, like I really got to organize my underwear drawer, whatever it is.
1
SPEAKER_05
I really want to be president of the United States.
1
SPEAKER_05
This is what I want.
1
SPEAKER_01
After you organize your underwear drawer?
1
SPEAKER_05
Before, before.
1
SPEAKER_05
So, but that, but like from the most inane to the most incredible, just write down your dreams, goals, desires, whatever it is.
1
SPEAKER_05
I think that s really important and it really changes your life.
1
SPEAKER_01
Liz take some deep breaths.
1
SPEAKER_01
We re gonna you re gonna get through this.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, you re gonna get through this and Be glad you found somebody on this huge planet.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s an outer space.
1
SPEAKER_01
You found somebody be glad that you have a job Remember those positive things focus on that too.
1
SPEAKER_01
So hang in there Liz next question We re gonna talk coming out something
1
SPEAKER_01
We don t know about we we don t we don t know anything about but we will try to help you I was gonna come out on your program just as a boost to your ratings Thank you for calling it a program and Kate writes How do I come out to my family without making it a big deal?
1
SPEAKER_05
Oh, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_05
How do you come out to your family without making a big deal in the exact same way you just wrote that question, I think, right?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_05
It s like you if if you don t put weight on it, I don t think, you know, other people shouldn t put as much weight on it.
1
SPEAKER_05
So if you don t like I have this big news, I need you to sit down.
1
SPEAKER_05
I need to talk about, you know, if they re just if you throw it away, like past the salt or, you know, past the gravy, then I think I think it should be past my sexuality.
1
SPEAKER_05
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_05
Over here.
1
SPEAKER_05
Right.
1
SPEAKER_05
I need to put it on top of my pasta.
1
SPEAKER_05
Don t you think that the less weight you put on it, hopefully the less weight the listener will put on it?
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, yeah, I mean, it goes back to the, it s all in the delivery.
1
SPEAKER_05
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s so important, whether you re delivering a joke or heavy information, you can t, you can t build it up.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I think that
1
SPEAKER_01
There must be something in you that knows that it s not going to be that big of a deal because your question is how do I
1
SPEAKER_01
not make it a big deal because you re saying if you don t make it a big deal likely it won t be a big deal so it sounds like you probably what i m reading into that is you probably come from a family that has led you to believe that you would be accepted i would like it wouldn t that be fun if somebody wrote in with the question how do i make it a gigantic deal
1
SPEAKER_05
And I, cause I have lots of thoughts about that.
1
SPEAKER_05
I have like party planning numbers.
1
SPEAKER_05
I have the fun home.
1
SPEAKER_02
Everybody sit down.
1
SPEAKER_02
Everybody just sit down.
1
SPEAKER_02
Sit down and shut up.
1
SPEAKER_02
Sit down.
1
SPEAKER_02
I ve been thinking about this for years.
1
SPEAKER_02
How do I, I don t know where to begin.
1
SPEAKER_01
I always thought it d be funny to come out as bi-curious to your whole family on a holiday.
1
SPEAKER_01
Sure.
1
SPEAKER_01
And make a grandmother be like, what?
1
SPEAKER_01
What is that you?
1
SPEAKER_01
And she s like, well, you know, I m not even, I m not sold on doing anything about it.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m just curious.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
I just keep thinking about all the genitalia.
1
SPEAKER_05
I just want you to know what s going on in my head.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
I just want you to know what I m privately thinking about and I m just curious about.
1
SPEAKER_01
and just ruin everyone s Christmas for no reason.
1
SPEAKER_01
But yeah, Kate, I think you re gonna be fine.
1
SPEAKER_01
Plus people are, there s so much going on in the world right now that- It s the perfect time.
1
SPEAKER_01
Coming out, yeah, it s just, it s gonna be, people are gonna fall asleep halfway through your coming out.
1
SPEAKER_01
But I would say if you wanna make it no big deal, walk in holding hands and just, this is my person.
1
SPEAKER_05
Maybe it s better a slow burn if you just say, hey, by the way, I just wanted to let you know I m gay and it doesn t hopefully change anything between us, but I ve been dating so and so.
1
SPEAKER_05
And if you re open to it, I d love for you to meet them.
1
SPEAKER_01
You know what I did?
1
SPEAKER_01
I, my very close with my, my friend Shannon and her family.
1
SPEAKER_01
And, um, and when I had my first girlfriend and I go to, I used to go to Louisiana every, um, it s the third weekend of August every year is shrimp fest.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I d go out for shrimp fest out in the Cajun country.
1
SPEAKER_01
And so I called my, my friend Shannon s aunt.
1
SPEAKER_01
Sheila.
1
SPEAKER_01
Shrimp Shannon.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I just, Shrimp Shannon called Shrimp Sheila, Aunt Shrimp Sheila.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I just told Sheila that I just wanted to let her know that I had a boyfriend that I was bringing out to Shrimp Fest and her name is Molly.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then Sheila really had a good laugh about that.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s good.
1
SPEAKER_05
See, you did it in a clever way.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, so you can use that, Kate.
1
SPEAKER_01
Take your person out to Shrimp Fest to Louisiana and let everyone know that that s your new boyfriend.
1
SPEAKER_05
That shrimp isn t just for dinner anymore.
1
SPEAKER_01
Shrimp Sean.
1
SPEAKER_05
Shrimp Sean.
1
SPEAKER_01
Shrimp Sean.
1
SPEAKER_01
All right.
1
SPEAKER_01
So that s our final question.
1
SPEAKER_01
And let us know how it goes, Kate.
1
SPEAKER_01
Before we go, we re gonna help one more person, but it s a person from the past.
1
SPEAKER_01
This is advice of yesteryear.
1
SPEAKER_03
When Jerry brags about taking Jenny out, he learns that she dates all the boys.
1
SPEAKER_00
So as we see now, menstruation is just one routine step in a normal and natural cycle.
1
SPEAKER_03
How do you choose a date?
1
SPEAKER_03
Well, one thing you can consider is look.
1
SPEAKER_00
I did everything you said, but my boss still hasn t asked me to lunch.
1
SPEAKER_01
We take a real question from an old advice column, and we try to be more helpful than the original answer.
1
SPEAKER_05
Okay, this is interesting.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay, this is from 1934.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay, is this real?
1
SPEAKER_01
Mm-hmm, this is real.
1
SPEAKER_05
All right.
1
SPEAKER_01
Dear Miss Fairfax.
1
SPEAKER_05
I m already on board.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s all we have.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay, so dear Miss Fairfax, I just can t get along with my mother.
1
SPEAKER_01
This is really serious.
1
SPEAKER_01
Sometimes I think I hate her.
1
SPEAKER_01
We have just had one of our per usual discussions.
1
SPEAKER_01
This is a polite form for it.
1
SPEAKER_01
I am just hateful and mean to her.
1
SPEAKER_01
She says she can t understand how I can be so mean when I am so extra nice to folks who don t give a flip for me.
1
SPEAKER_01
Signed, DCR.
1
SPEAKER_01
What s the last sentence she said?
1
SPEAKER_04
I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_01
She says she can t understand how I can be so mean when I am so extra nice to folks who don t give a flip for me.
1
SPEAKER_01
You know what strikes me about this question is I m surprised that in 1934, they used that slang of you don t give a flip for me.
1
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, because it s clearly disguising the other F word.
1
SPEAKER_01
I mean, do you have do you have any, any advice for this person who can t get along?
1
SPEAKER_05
One, the advice is it s probably too late, because that s from 1934.
1
SPEAKER_05
Right?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, this person s like just a skeleton in a box.
1
SPEAKER_05
I kind of don t understand the issue.
1
SPEAKER_05
So she s mean to her mom and she doesn t know why.
1
SPEAKER_05
Is that what it is?
1
SPEAKER_01
She s mean to her mother and she thinks she might hate her.
1
SPEAKER_05
Okay, so I don t see a problem with that.
1
SPEAKER_01
She s hateful and mean to her.
1
SPEAKER_01
You re all for take down your mother.
1
SPEAKER_05
No, I loved my mom, but... Did you ever feel like you hated your mother?
1
SPEAKER_05
No.
1
SPEAKER_05
She was always the most loving, caring, sweet, kind, hilarious, dark humor, funny woman.
1
SPEAKER_05
So I don t, I can t relate to that.
1
SPEAKER_05
But, you know, it s interesting that it s not from a son.
1
SPEAKER_05
You know, I think it s always mother-daughter relationships are always as interesting as father-son, because it always seems the reverse to be a stronger bond, right?
1
SPEAKER_05
The mother and the son and the father and the daughter.
1
SPEAKER_05
But so
1
SPEAKER_05
Yeah, I don t know how to respond to this one, only because I need to know more information.
1
SPEAKER_05
Like, why is she upset?
1
SPEAKER_01
Why does she... Yeah, I don t think we re going to be able to get the information that we need.
1
SPEAKER_05
Do you want to try?
1
SPEAKER_01
With a Ouija board?
1
SPEAKER_01
Sure.
1
SPEAKER_01
I mean, you got in touch with my dead father.
1
SPEAKER_01
Why wouldn t we just get in touch with this bag of bones under the ground?
1
SPEAKER_04
Bag of bones.
1
SPEAKER_01
Let s see.
1
SPEAKER_01
We do have an answer though.
1
SPEAKER_04
Oh, okay.
1
SPEAKER_04
What is it?
1
SPEAKER_01
Mothers and daughters often disagree because mothers love their daughters very much and often try to present them with their 20 or 30 years wisdom, gleaned from experience.
1
SPEAKER_01
But alas, the youngsters prefer to find out for themselves, which is only natural.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s easy to be nice to outsiders who do not annoy us about wearing our rubbers.
1
SPEAKER_01
And what time are we coming home?
1
SPEAKER_01
But do try to be properly sweet to the only mother you have.
1
SPEAKER_05
Right.
1
SPEAKER_05
I mean, unless unless the mother has some issues with the daughter.
1
SPEAKER_05
And is the daughter behaving?
1
SPEAKER_05
You know, sometimes it s like a daughter is reacting to something that she s not getting from the mom, right?
1
SPEAKER_05
So a lot of times, daughters will react without knowing it because they re not getting the love, appreciation, attention, whatever it is from the mom.
1
SPEAKER_05
And the mom, because the mom doesn t know how to deliver that.
1
SPEAKER_05
So the child will react accordingly.
1
SPEAKER_05
And without communicating what you re feeling or lack thereof, you can t fix it.
1
SPEAKER_01
But most importantly, flip is one of the dirtiest words you can say in the 1930s, apparently.
1
SPEAKER_01
And you know what?
1
SPEAKER_01
Before we head out, I just have one more thing.
1
SPEAKER_01
I give people advice all the time, and now I m realizing I want advice because something came up in my life.
1
SPEAKER_01
We hung a swing in our front yard, in the tree in our front yard so that we had somewhere to go and something to do.
1
SPEAKER_05
There s the first problem, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s beautiful.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s so fun.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_01
Front yard swing.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_01
There is a woman, a mother who comes by daily with her precious two-year-old
1
SPEAKER_01
They come onto our property, and she swings her little girl in my yard on the swing.
1
SPEAKER_01
Without a pandemic, I might go, well, that s sweet, a little weird, but how precious.
1
SPEAKER_01
In a pandemic, I just wanna yell, it s a pandemic!
1
SPEAKER_01
You know?
1
SPEAKER_05
Uh-huh, okay, so first of all, wait a minute.
1
SPEAKER_05
She does it without asking?
1
SPEAKER_01
Does it?
1
SPEAKER_01
I don t know who this person is.
1
SPEAKER_01
And also, it s not like the swing is right at the sidewalk.
1
SPEAKER_01
You have to walk onto my property, up a little hill, under the tree.
1
SPEAKER_05
Next thing you know, you re gonna wake up, she s gonna be in the middle of you and Stephanie in the bed.
1
SPEAKER_01
Exactly.
1
SPEAKER_05
So wait a minute.
1
SPEAKER_05
So now, and does it happen often?
1
SPEAKER_01
uh, near daily.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I told Stephanie, I was going to mention this.
1
SPEAKER_01
She was like, Oh my gosh, what if she s listening?
1
SPEAKER_05
She s not listening.
1
SPEAKER_01
But what if she knows that we live here and she s like, Oh, they won t care.
1
SPEAKER_05
You know what though?
1
SPEAKER_05
Then thank God she s listening.
1
SPEAKER_05
because this is, I don t know that- Thank you, God.
1
SPEAKER_05
Yeah, I don t know that- It s weird, right?
1
SPEAKER_05
Yeah, it s weird.
1
SPEAKER_05
I don t know that that s a thing that one should do.
1
SPEAKER_05
At least I would just ask, like, hey, do you mind if I come on your property and use your swing set?
1
SPEAKER_05
I think that s weird.
1
SPEAKER_05
I do too.
1
SPEAKER_05
And it s not like you re being selfish, like, oh, anybody can use it if they want, but at least A, ask, B, don t presume, and C, there s a pandemic.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, because then I m where I don t want my kids to go on the swing after.
1
SPEAKER_05
Right.
1
SPEAKER_05
So why don t you say that?
1
SPEAKER_05
So next time she does it, you go out there, go.
1
SPEAKER_05
Hi, I m so sorry.
1
SPEAKER_05
I under any other circumstances, I m so glad.
1
SPEAKER_05
I m so happy for you to use our swing.
1
SPEAKER_05
It s just these are unusual circumstances.
1
SPEAKER_05
There s a pandemic and I don t have enough hand sanitizer to keep wiping the things that OK, if we hold off until this is settled.
1
SPEAKER_01
Totally reasonable.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m curious what other people might might say that are listening.
1
SPEAKER_01
Do you have any sort of problem you want people to write in and help about?
1
SPEAKER_05
Oh, gosh, do I have a problem?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_05
Well, this to the list is too long for there s no time.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay, well, sorry.
1
SPEAKER_05
I have a bunch of problems.
1
SPEAKER_05
I have things on my feet that I keep scratching my feet so much that scabs form.
1
SPEAKER_05
Do you wanna see them?
1
SPEAKER_01
No, Sean, don t.
1
SPEAKER_01
You don t?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, here.
1
SPEAKER_01
Sean, Sean, we have to go.
1
SPEAKER_01
Sean.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh my, Sean.
1
SPEAKER_01
No.
1
SPEAKER_05
But you re looking at it.
1
SPEAKER_01
That is disgusting.
1
SPEAKER_05
Thank you.
1
SPEAKER_01
All right, this this this episode is done.
1
SPEAKER_01
We want your advice listeners.
1
SPEAKER_01
Um, especially for my um, my swing situation not my feet Sean has scabs all over his feet.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s disgusting Maybe i ll just come over.
1
SPEAKER_01
I ll come over and swing him off Swing the scabs off All right, uh send in your voice memo with your swing advice and if you want to help sean with his scabs to send it to don t ask
2
SPEAKER_01
tig.org, please help me.
2
SPEAKER_01
Sean, thank you.
2
SPEAKER_02
Thank you, Tig.
2
SPEAKER_02
I love you.
2
SPEAKER_01
I love you.
2
SPEAKER_01
Do you want to promote SmartList and QForce?
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh, in that way, yes.
2
SPEAKER_02
Thanks.
2
SPEAKER_01
Sean, do you?
2
SPEAKER_01
Come on.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, my podcast is called SmartList.
2
SPEAKER_02
I host it with Jason Bateman and Will Arnett.
2
SPEAKER_02
And it s super, super fun.
2
SPEAKER_02
And it s a nice break from all the nonsense going on in the world.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s not a global sensation like Don t Ask Tig, but you can send in your own questions at DontAskTig.org and we might try and answer them on a future episode.
2
SPEAKER_01
You can write down your question or you can send it to us as a voice memo.
2
SPEAKER_01
Again, that s DontAskTig.org to reach us with your questions.
2
SPEAKER_02
Do you want to try it again or no?
2
SPEAKER_01
No way.
2
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_02
So you want to do one for real now?
2
SPEAKER_02
That was a good rehearsal.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Let s start at the beginning.
2
SPEAKER_01
Sean, thank you for doing this.
2
SPEAKER_02
Of course.
2
SPEAKER_02
Thank you.
2
SPEAKER_02
I love you.
2
SPEAKER_01
If you re enjoying the show, please take a moment to rate and review us.
2
SPEAKER_01
Don t Ask Tig is hosted by me, Tig Notaro.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s produced by Thomas Ouellette, Mary Knopf, and Tracy Mumford.
2
SPEAKER_01
Our editor is Phyllis Fletcher.
2
SPEAKER_01
Executive producer, Lauren Dee.
2
SPEAKER_01
Engineering and sound mixing by Eric Romani.
2
SPEAKER_01
Digital production by Christina Lopez.
2
SPEAKER_01
Talent Booking by Rocky Benlulu-Dubin.
2
SPEAKER_01
Our theme music is Friend and Tig by Edie Burkell and Kyle Krushem.
2
SPEAKER_01
And Listen to Your Heart by Edie Burkell.
2
SPEAKER_01
Special thanks to Hunter Seidman, Lily Kim, and Alex Shaffer.
2
SPEAKER_01
Our executive consultant is Dean Capello and Gob Smack Studios.
2
SPEAKER_01
Don t Ask Tig is a production of American Public Media.
2
SPEAKER_01
And as always, thank you, Dana.
2
SPEAKER_01
Hi, I m stand-up comedian and sex symbol Tig Notaro.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I m actor and writer Cheryl Hines.
2
SPEAKER_01
Before Cheryl and I got into the big business of podcasting together, we were just simply friends.
2
SPEAKER_00
And we re still friends.
2
SPEAKER_00
But now we talk about a different documentary every week on our podcast, Tig and Cheryl, True Story.
2
SPEAKER_00
So whether you love documentaries or just want to hear us slowly lose our minds, check out Tig and Cheryl, True Story, wherever you get your podcasts.
2
SPEAKER_01
Alright, cool.