0
SPEAKER_01
Little hat.
0
SPEAKER_01
Maybe I won t wear headphones then.
0
SPEAKER_01
Once we have hats.
0
SPEAKER_00
We have hats.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_01
Hats replacing headphones.
0
SPEAKER_01
I really like it.
0
SPEAKER_00
Happy Halloween.
0
SPEAKER_00
We should just wear head wraps.
0
SPEAKER_00
What are these called?
0
SPEAKER_00
Headbands.
0
SPEAKER_00
Headbands.
0
SPEAKER_00
We should wear seasonal headbands every week.
0
SPEAKER_01
I am down to do that for the rest of the year because today to me is officially kickoff of holiday season.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, holiday, holiday.
0
SPEAKER_00
Like Thanksgiving.
0
SPEAKER_00
Holidays.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, like we re in it as of today.
0
SPEAKER_00
And what do you, well, this is such an obvious question because Halloween is my Met Gala.
0
SPEAKER_00
It goes, you know, I know how much the Met Gala means to you.
0
SPEAKER_00
Sure.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s fine for me.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s like a 3 out of 10 when it s the Met Gala.
0
SPEAKER_00
I m like, okay, I ll see the nice dresses.
0
SPEAKER_00
But Halloween is a 14 out of 10.
0
SPEAKER_00
I love it.
0
SPEAKER_00
Where does it come from?
0
SPEAKER_00
Have you always been like that?
0
SPEAKER_00
I did always.
0
SPEAKER_00
I mean, any kid, you re like, wait, what?
0
SPEAKER_00
Like we just get to dress up.
0
SPEAKER_00
We get free candy.
0
SPEAKER_00
We can stay up late and then we can kind of just eat candy for like a month.
0
SPEAKER_00
But as I ve gotten older, I think what I really enjoy about it.
0
SPEAKER_00
is just seeing everybody.
0
SPEAKER_00
It feels like everyone s a little bit more free.
0
SPEAKER_00
You can be anybody, and you don t have to explain it, right?
0
SPEAKER_00
It s just like, oh, it s Halloween.
0
SPEAKER_00
Of course I m an astronaut.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
0
SPEAKER_00
And I think it just allows people to be very playful and be like kids for a day.
0
SPEAKER_00
It is fun.
0
SPEAKER_00
And yeah, I get so much out of it.
0
SPEAKER_00
Just even like when I, you know, when I m in New York for Halloween, I ll just go to the parade on my own.
0
SPEAKER_00
Like many years I ve done that where no one wants to, you know, it s like on a Thursday night.
0
SPEAKER_00
and I ll just go and watch people and I like I ll honestly get emotional like I ll cry.
0
SPEAKER_00
Wow, shocker.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah but what do you love about holidays?
0
SPEAKER_01
For Halloween it is so funny because this morning I was looking at the cut they had all these people dressed up in Halloween costumes and there s one of
0
SPEAKER_01
Channing Tatum in like a baby.
0
SPEAKER_01
And it s just so funny to think that he and Zoe Kravitz that day like got, or she s like, wear this.
0
SPEAKER_01
But he like took the time to put it on and he s walking around the world as this big baby.
0
SPEAKER_01
And what is she?
0
SPEAKER_01
So here s something.
0
SPEAKER_01
Let s go.
0
SPEAKER_01
When I hear songs, it takes me a long time to understand what the song is.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like a minute in before I m like, oh, it s that.
0
SPEAKER_01
Some people can hear it immediately.
0
SPEAKER_01
I don t have that sort of recall.
0
SPEAKER_01
I also have like Halloween blindness.
0
SPEAKER_01
I almost never know who people are.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh, under their costumes?
0
SPEAKER_01
No, no, no.
0
SPEAKER_01
I don t know what anyone s costume is.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I have to pretend like I do.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay, what does that look like?
0
SPEAKER_00
You re just like, oh, you re—what a fun—what do you say?
0
SPEAKER_00
No, I ll just be like, you look great!
0
SPEAKER_00
And then pivot to something else.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
Immediately.
0
SPEAKER_01
Unless I know ahead of time.
0
SPEAKER_01
That s helpful.
0
SPEAKER_01
But when I m out trick-or-treating with the kids or something, I don t know what anyone is.
0
SPEAKER_01
What were you as a kid?
0
SPEAKER_01
What was your favorite Halloween costume?
0
SPEAKER_01
Probably Charlie s Angels with my two friends.
0
SPEAKER_01
That was really fun.
0
SPEAKER_01
As an adult, I was Dora the Explorer.
0
SPEAKER_01
That was probably my best outfit I ve ever had.
0
SPEAKER_01
My best costume.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay, but let s do this test, okay?
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_01
So I m going to send you this article, and don t read the answer.
0
SPEAKER_01
Because, like, I think in the caption it says what people are.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_01
But I want you to look at it and see if you know what everyone is.
0
SPEAKER_01
I know.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_00
You know me and trivia in general.
0
SPEAKER_00
But you know Halloween.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s true.
0
SPEAKER_01
And you know pop culture well.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_01
So let s start at the beginning.
0
SPEAKER_00
That s David Beckham.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay, yep.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay, this is Ed Norton as David Beckham.
0
SPEAKER_01
That one I felt strongly about, but I wasn t 100% sure.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay, go to the next one.
0
SPEAKER_01
Obviously, Kill Bill.
0
SPEAKER_00
See?
0
SPEAKER_00
I don t— You don t?
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay, that, I don t know what movie that s from.
0
SPEAKER_00
Why is he her baby?
0
SPEAKER_00
Wait, which one?
0
SPEAKER_00
Channing?
0
SPEAKER_00
Channing.
0
SPEAKER_00
I don t think I know that reference.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay, good.
0
SPEAKER_00
Because there s a— It s a scary movie.
0
SPEAKER_00
I haven t seen it, and I never will.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s a baby and a woman in a white dress.
0
SPEAKER_01
Rosemary s baby.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, Rosemary s baby.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, my God.
0
SPEAKER_00
Good job.
0
SPEAKER_00
I mean, feminism.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, wow.
0
SPEAKER_00
Toxic and Britney, obviously.
0
SPEAKER_00
Come on.
0
SPEAKER_00
Who, Paris?
0
SPEAKER_00
Paris?
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I didn t know that.
0
SPEAKER_00
See?
0
SPEAKER_00
Wait, that s so funny that you don t know.
0
SPEAKER_01
I have face blindness for Halloween.
0
SPEAKER_01
Face blindness for Halloween.
0
SPEAKER_01
What David has, but I really don t.
0
SPEAKER_01
Have you talked about it with him?
0
SPEAKER_01
Does it follow the same?
0
SPEAKER_01
I bet it does follow the same guidelines.
0
SPEAKER_00
Right.
0
SPEAKER_01
If there s context, I could know, but out of the blue, my brain just can t file.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_01
That s so funny.
0
SPEAKER_01
What is this one?
0
SPEAKER_00
Bob Dylan and... No.
0
SPEAKER_00
What?
0
SPEAKER_01
Andy Warhol and Edie Sedgwick.
0
SPEAKER_00
It is?
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
Also, what are you guys talking about?
0
SPEAKER_01
You re like, oh, it s so obvious.
0
SPEAKER_01
What?
0
SPEAKER_01
And then is she Betty Boop?
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
OK, thank God I got that one.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I only knew the last one because I read the caption on accident.
0
SPEAKER_01
The V for Vendetta?
0
SPEAKER_01
The Flintstones?
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, the Flintstones I got.
0
SPEAKER_00
I got the Flintstones.
0
SPEAKER_01
Anyway, this is I think the first time I ve admitted to this, that on Halloween,
0
SPEAKER_01
I m a little lost out there.
0
SPEAKER_00
I think you re not alone.
0
SPEAKER_00
There are certain cultural touch points like I was going to dress up as a Hailey Bieber and Justin Bieber going to her makeup launch event where they were dressed like they were going to two different events and a lot of people didn t know what I was talking about.
0
SPEAKER_00
I had to send the photo.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
You know people like, oh okay I get it but that s the fun of it.
0
SPEAKER_00
You know what I ve been saying this year and this will probably be so boring because we re just talking about
0
SPEAKER_00
I know, and it s over.
0
SPEAKER_00
So anyway, but it s just people have gotten really creative with like video Halloween costumes.
0
SPEAKER_00
What s that mean?
0
SPEAKER_00
It means they re recording their costume like as a video rather than posting it as photos.
0
SPEAKER_00
And some of them, like remember that lady that falls in the snow who talks…
0
SPEAKER_00
There s one of the top 10 best people falling viral videos of all time.
0
SPEAKER_00
The reporter s like, oh my God, you re out there, you know, running in the snow.
0
SPEAKER_00
What s the trick?
0
SPEAKER_00
You know, and then this woman, which was such like a smug, like the snow is, what does she say?
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I don t know this.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh my god, I m so jealous.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay, so she goes, the snow is, it s perfect.
0
SPEAKER_00
If you pat it down with your feet, it s not slippery and it s not that cold.
0
SPEAKER_00
Like, basically giving this news reporter like, you know, a lesson in winter sports.
0
SPEAKER_00
And then she ends her talk.
0
SPEAKER_00
She s standing with her boyfriend.
0
SPEAKER_00
They start running off screen.
0
SPEAKER_00
And then the reporter goes back to the camera and starts talking.
0
SPEAKER_00
And then in the background you see her just immediately slip and fall.
0
SPEAKER_00
And it s really funny.
0
SPEAKER_00
So I saw people recreate that.
0
SPEAKER_00
So people have been doing video costumes.
0
SPEAKER_00
I feel like last year I didn t really see that.
0
SPEAKER_01
Of the viral videos, of the videos that pop around,
0
SPEAKER_01
What s the type that makes you laugh the most?
0
SPEAKER_00
Is it falling?
0
SPEAKER_00
That s a great question.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s definitely the people falling or the people laughing in a serious situation at once are really funny.
0
SPEAKER_00
I could just talk about viral videos all day, but there s this video of like, this woman needs to do like, she s in nursing school and she just has to do one of those videos where like, for like, I guess an assignment, which is wild, right?
0
SPEAKER_00
Like to think about that we never did that.
0
SPEAKER_00
So she s using her sister as like a fake patient, but her sister just has to sit there and do nothing.
0
SPEAKER_00
But of course, she s seeing her sister be like, taking her temperature and like pretending to be a nurse so she can t stop laughing.
0
SPEAKER_00
When you were in high school, did you find it so hard not to laugh in class?
0
SPEAKER_00
Like, it was a constant battle for me.
0
SPEAKER_00
Everything was so funny.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
0
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I had that a little bit.
0
SPEAKER_01
Less in class, but more in actual bad situations.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh.
0
SPEAKER_01
One time, this was so bad.
0
SPEAKER_01
It must have been in high school.
0
SPEAKER_01
So kind of old for this to have happened, I guess.
0
SPEAKER_01
We were upstairs hanging out, and her brother came upstairs, her younger brother.
0
SPEAKER_01
And he opened the door, and he looked so sad.
0
SPEAKER_01
And he told us that his teacher died.
0
SPEAKER_01
She got in a car accident and died.
0
SPEAKER_01
And we... No.
0
SPEAKER_01
You saw us laughing?
0
SPEAKER_01
We knew we couldn t, but we were both like... I don t know why.
0
SPEAKER_01
We both had the instinct.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_01
I think because... I mean, I do in retrospect... Because you were together.
0
SPEAKER_01
No, it just came so out of the blue.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s almost one of those like, no.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh, okay.
0
SPEAKER_01
Life isn t like that.
0
SPEAKER_01
So you d laugh?
0
SPEAKER_01
I m trying to make it better for us when I think back on it that we were just in shock.
0
SPEAKER_01
Because obviously there s nothing funny.
0
SPEAKER_00
I think it s nervous laughter.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
0
SPEAKER_00
Because I relate so much.
0
SPEAKER_00
Even when I do on-camera stuff and I m like, look at my face.
0
SPEAKER_00
This person just said something so traumatic.
0
SPEAKER_00
And I m like, I m not laughing, but I m almost like, because yeah, it s like a coping strategy of sorts, which is not a good one.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s not a good one.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like why did we evolve to do that?
0
SPEAKER_01
That s so horrible.
0
SPEAKER_01
It was so bad.
0
SPEAKER_01
And we just like needed him to leave so we could laugh.
0
SPEAKER_01
Get it out.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s so bad.
0
SPEAKER_00
It is.
0
SPEAKER_00
There s also something about—I don t know if boys have this.
0
SPEAKER_00
Rob, you have to corroborate or
1
SPEAKER_00
but I feel like girls, especially teenage girls, we have the giggling gene.
1
SPEAKER_00
That is so universal.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s contagious, too.
1
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s probably what s happening.
1
SPEAKER_00
I just feel like... Okay, so... Oh, no.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s happening now.
1
SPEAKER_00
Tell us.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m scared.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s just, I have a perfect example of like, it s not a perfect example, just this is lore, family lore of mine.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay, so my mom famously doesn t close lids.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay, doesn t turn the lid all the way.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s like on top.
1
SPEAKER_00
So it looks like it s... Oh shit, like a pickle lid or something?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, pickle lid, orange juice, yogurt container, whatever it is.
1
SPEAKER_00
She just doesn t twist it closed.
1
SPEAKER_00
She doesn t twist it.
1
SPEAKER_00
She doesn t fully press it down.
1
SPEAKER_00
So it s like a booby trap.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I also, me and my mom are cut from the same ADD cloth.
1
SPEAKER_00
And my dad is the complete opposite on the spectrum of like everything must be organized and predictable and all disasters must be avoided by being overly careful.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so he often would refer to our fridge as a booby trap.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like he wouldn t know what he would eat and what.
1
SPEAKER_01
This won t be interesting to anybody.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s cute that you love it so much.
1
SPEAKER_00
It happened 25 years ago and I still can t say it without crying.
1
SPEAKER_00
So me and my best friend Kat are sitting, we re 13 at the time, there s V8, like a big V8, and my dad is in front of me and I grabbed it.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh my god, wow!
1
SPEAKER_00
This is so great!
1
SPEAKER_00
This is bringing me so much joy, I love it!
1
SPEAKER_00
It just never— Oh my god, now it gets funny.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s like a movie in my head that I can just play anytime I want.
1
SPEAKER_01
So I take the V8, and I— For some reason, I shake it like this.
1
SPEAKER_01
Like, instead of even doing it any other way.
1
SPEAKER_01
And so I go— You shake it out.
1
SPEAKER_01
Out.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, fuck.
1
SPEAKER_01
Of course, the lid wasn t properly on.
1
SPEAKER_01
I just get this visual.
1
SPEAKER_00
of my dad going like straight shot straight shot Oh God my best friend and I just like are and my dad is so upset and my mom everyone s just so mad and
1
SPEAKER_00
And my best friend and I are just trying not to laugh and we were like, okay, let s get towels and some of it reverberated onto Kat.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so then we re like, oh, we ll just go upstairs and change our shirts.
1
SPEAKER_00
And we got into the bathroom and just like died on the floor for like 10 minutes over like put up the sound of the faucet so that the water running so he wouldn t hear us.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, that was when- That s great.
1
SPEAKER_02
That s so great.
1
SPEAKER_02
Because he couldn t laugh at it.
1
SPEAKER_00
He was so mad about it.
1
SPEAKER_00
And still to this day, I can t really bring up that story because for him, you know, it s just that fight over and over again.
1
SPEAKER_00
And that he, you know, because you bear the brunt of your partner s bad habits.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, fuck.
1
SPEAKER_02
For me, the videos that are the most funny are when a wife or girlfriend tricks the boyfriend.
1
SPEAKER_02
They pretend like something scary is happening or that there s a bug or like a rat or something.
1
SPEAKER_02
They just like start screaming and then the boyfriend immediately also starts screaming and freaking out.
1
SPEAKER_02
But then they re like jumping up on the counter.
1
SPEAKER_02
Just seeing people in their true element.
1
SPEAKER_02
There s something, and I guess that s the same way with falling.
1
SPEAKER_02
There s just something so human when you see people just being so human.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s great.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it s very primal.
1
SPEAKER_00
It is.
1
SPEAKER_00
In all these cases, right?
1
SPEAKER_00
It s laughing in a serious situation or it s just you know you can t do it, but your body is almost betraying you.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so with falling, right?
1
SPEAKER_00
You don t want
1
SPEAKER_00
And it s the funniest is when people try to catch themselves from falling.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s the funny— It s funnier than the falling part.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_02
Where they re just… Stumbling across is so great.
1
SPEAKER_02
Wow.
1
SPEAKER_02
Anywho.
1
SPEAKER_02
Okay, so it s holiday season.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_02
So what does that mean for you?
1
SPEAKER_02
That means…
1
SPEAKER_02
We re on track as of today for every day feeling cozy, feeling in the mood, having bested things to do.
1
SPEAKER_02
So this weekend, I bought all these pies.
1
SPEAKER_02
I was late on this, but I bought pumpkins.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, fun.
1
SPEAKER_02
Cute pumpkins put by my fireplace that will lead me through Thanksgiving.
1
SPEAKER_02
What s the rule on pumpkins?
1
SPEAKER_02
For me, it s through Thanksgiving.
1
SPEAKER_02
Okay, then they go.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s fine.
1
SPEAKER_02
They still count as Thanksgiving decor.
1
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_02
We have Halloween tonight, and then we head into fall dinners.
1
SPEAKER_02
Fall dinners.
1
SPEAKER_02
I love hosting some fall dinners.
1
SPEAKER_02
And then Thanksgiving, and we always normally do a fun Friendsgiving.
1
SPEAKER_02
And then that weekend is packed with tradition.
1
SPEAKER_02
So we do Friendsgiving, we do Secret Turkey, where everyone in my little group picks names, and then we give little presents.
1
SPEAKER_02
It s so cute.
1
SPEAKER_02
Then the next day is Black Friday.
1
SPEAKER_02
Right.
1
SPEAKER_02
I have Black Friday tradition with Callie.
1
SPEAKER_02
We go to this one shopping area every year, and then
1
SPEAKER_02
Some years we go to a movie.
1
SPEAKER_02
I thought maybe we wouldn t be able to do it this year because of the new little Bambino, but we are.
1
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_02
Is the Bambino coming with?
1
SPEAKER_00
No.
1
SPEAKER_00
No.
1
SPEAKER_00
Good.
1
SPEAKER_02
Bambino stays with dad.
1
SPEAKER_02
I like that.
1
SPEAKER_02
And then we re going to go shop our little hearts out, you know, in search of, quote, sales.
1
SPEAKER_02
But this is not so much a sales type of shopping market.
1
SPEAKER_02
So everything s pretty much full price.
1
SPEAKER_02
We still buy stuff.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, you do?
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
It s just super fun.
1
SPEAKER_02
That s so fun.
1
SPEAKER_02
And then the next day, Saturday, Saturday after Thanksgiving is Pig Day.
1
SPEAKER_02
Pig Day is huge.
1
SPEAKER_02
That s the day Jess and I go.
1
SPEAKER_02
We get my Christmas tree from Home Depot, pick it out, then we set it up.
1
SPEAKER_02
That s always fraught with stumbling and dropping stuff.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I always get a huge tree and then Jess has to kind of carry it in for me.
1
SPEAKER_02
And it s very sweet.
1
SPEAKER_02
And there s trips and falls and pies and creams.
1
SPEAKER_02
And then we set all that up, and last year we watched a movie.
1
SPEAKER_02
We watched Edge of Tomorrow because all year he wanted me to watch that with him, and I said no.
1
SPEAKER_02
I was like, I don t want to watch that, and so I m not gonna.
1
SPEAKER_02
Can t make me.
1
SPEAKER_02
My body, my choice.
1
SPEAKER_00
Boundaries, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
But then on pig day, I said we can.
1
SPEAKER_02
So we watched it, and then we went to Houston s for dinner.
1
SPEAKER_02
You met us for Houston s that night last year on pig day.
1
SPEAKER_02
You did meet us.
1
SPEAKER_02
It s true.
1
SPEAKER_02
Then I think maybe the next day we saw a movie.
1
SPEAKER_02
Anyway, it s just like that weekend is one of my favorite stretches of time throughout the whole year.
1
SPEAKER_02
It s so festive and so fun.
1
SPEAKER_02
And then my house is decorated for Christmas.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
In the spirit.
1
SPEAKER_00
I love it.
1
SPEAKER_00
Do you have traditions?
1
SPEAKER_00
What are your traditions?
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh my god, no.
1
SPEAKER_00
I love this so much because I came from like a very ritual family.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like we had a lot of rituals.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I ve been rewatching Friends, which I want to obviously ask you about.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m sure you ve talked about it on our show too.
1
SPEAKER_00
I was just thinking about why is this such a comforting show, right?
1
SPEAKER_00
And now that Matthew Perry s gone, it s happening.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m re-watching the whole, it s like, I m not going to resist.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m not watching any new thing that s coming out for the next three months.
1
SPEAKER_00
Don t even ask me.
1
SPEAKER_00
Don t.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m re-watching all of Friends.
1
SPEAKER_00
And what is it about this show?
1
SPEAKER_00
And I think there s a few things, right?
1
SPEAKER_00
The fact that there s no phones and they re never elsewhere when they re there.
1
SPEAKER_00
They re always present with each other.
1
SPEAKER_00
And they have a third place, which we don t have anymore.
1
SPEAKER_00
Third location.
1
SPEAKER_00
Third location.
1
SPEAKER_00
And it s like, see you at the coffee shop, right?
1
SPEAKER_02
You shouldn t go to a second location with people, but you should go to a third location.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s our rule.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s our motto to stay alive in 2023.
1
SPEAKER_00
But and they also I was again, you see there always have a Christmas episode, a Thanksgiving episode, and they spend Christmas together.
1
SPEAKER_00
Right?
1
SPEAKER_00
We live such different lives and we don t, I don t know, there s a lot.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s not fully formed at all, but also like they re in their 20s, but they look like they re in their 30s, right?
1
SPEAKER_00
And a lot of them are single at certain points.
1
SPEAKER_00
They re obviously in relationships, but their core relationship is not to their families, but to themselves.
1
SPEAKER_00
and sort of each other.
1
SPEAKER_00
And again, these rituals of celebrating these big holidays together and what you re laying out, like I feel like you re so good.
1
SPEAKER_00
You re the closest person I know that has friends, that lives that life and I can tell makes you very happy and your friends very happy, right?
1
SPEAKER_00
You very luscious and rich, I think, friendships.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so yeah, like how do you
1
SPEAKER_00
come up with rituals?
1
SPEAKER_00
How do you make sure that people do them every year?
1
SPEAKER_00
How can we become better at creating rituals, not just for the holidays, but for the rest of the year too, right?
1
SPEAKER_00
That s a good question.
1
SPEAKER_02
I mean, look, I do feel that I, in some ways, made this requirement for my life when I started watching that show and was
1
SPEAKER_02
so moved by it.
1
SPEAKER_02
And it was my safe place always to go to.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I felt so comforted by it.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I did feel so comforted by this group protection they had of one another.
1
SPEAKER_02
I m still always seeking that.
1
SPEAKER_02
And so I have built that in many phases of my life, which I m so grateful for.
1
SPEAKER_02
And it s so lucky.
1
SPEAKER_02
But I don t know it s like 100% an accident.
1
SPEAKER_02
I think knowing
2
SPEAKER_01
at an early age.
2
SPEAKER_01
I want that.
2
SPEAKER_01
We sort of made it, like, even in high school, we had a really close group of friends.
2
SPEAKER_01
And it s a group, right?
2
SPEAKER_01
Like, that s sort of the basis of it.
2
SPEAKER_01
We re this group of friends.
2
SPEAKER_01
But high school is, of course, different.
2
SPEAKER_01
You live with your parents.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
And it s not the same.
2
SPEAKER_01
But once we went, we all went to college together.
2
SPEAKER_01
And that sort of also cemented that group family.
2
SPEAKER_01
We just did everything as a unit.
2
SPEAKER_01
And at one point, we all moved into, you know, off-campus housing my sophomore year.
2
SPEAKER_01
And it was three of us girls in a house next door, three of our boys, and it was friends.
2
SPEAKER_01
We just, like, bopped in and out.
2
SPEAKER_01
What s funny is I can only see that now.
2
SPEAKER_01
It was exact.
2
SPEAKER_01
It was an exact replication.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I m so grateful.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m so lucky.
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, that is the true privilege of my life, is that I ve been handed
2
SPEAKER_01
so many beautiful people and friendships.
2
SPEAKER_01
And sometimes I do think about this when I think about my lack of romantic partnerships.
2
SPEAKER_01
I wonder sometimes, like, is that a trade-off?
2
SPEAKER_01
Is that something I gave up?
2
SPEAKER_01
Is that something my dad said?
2
SPEAKER_01
She doesn t have to have that, but she ll have all of this when he did The Sim.
2
SPEAKER_01
And that s the right choice.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, wow.
2
SPEAKER_01
I would prefer to have all these loving people than one person that I m fully reliant on or whatever.
2
SPEAKER_01
Anyway, and so that, that happened then.
2
SPEAKER_01
And it definitely, I was like, well, that s, that s a once in a lifetime.
2
SPEAKER_01
You don t get that type of thing again.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I do have it again.
2
SPEAKER_01
And it is so lucky.
2
SPEAKER_01
But you do have to water it.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like, I will say, the older you get, you really have to water it because people have their own families and stuff.
2
SPEAKER_01
You just force it.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s like, we re gonna have girls  dinner.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m hosting it.
2
SPEAKER_01
You re coming over.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like, we re gonna figure out what day works.
2
SPEAKER_01
And also, having some flexibility.
2
SPEAKER_01
If this person can t come, it doesn t ruin your night.
2
SPEAKER_01
Because that s also contingent to the group dynamic.
2
SPEAKER_01
People do let you down and mess up and do things.
2
SPEAKER_01
A family, you have to have acceptance across the board of all things.
2
SPEAKER_01
Synced is supported by Element.
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I just had a couple girlfriends over for dinner.
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I thought you were going to say, I just had a couple Elements.
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I did.
2
SPEAKER_00
I always do.
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SPEAKER_01
At any moment in time, I will have had an Element.
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SPEAKER_01
I went to New York.
2
SPEAKER_01
I brought so much Element with me.
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SPEAKER_01
I had one every day.
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SPEAKER_01
Because you know when you re like sort of jet lagged and you re adjusting, you re off.
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Cure-all, it fixes it.
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You just have it in the morning, you feel great.
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SPEAKER_01
I also had a couple of friends over for dinner the other night and was giving them some things and they were walking out the door and I said, oh wait, hold on.
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SPEAKER_01
Everyone needs to take, it s like my now my love language.
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I m giving out elements.
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for people s health.
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Right now, Element is offering a free sample pack with any purchase.
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Element offers no questions asked refunds.
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Okay.
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Again, when I had my friends over, I was giving them, they hadn t been over in a while, so I was giving them a tour of my apartment and I had Vagamore in my bathroom as my haircare products.
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And my friend audibly gasped and was like, I love Vagamore.
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Yeah.
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It s so good.
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It s so solid.
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It like makes your hair, if you have thinning hair or any kind of issue there, or even my eyelashes, like doubled in size.
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And then as soon as I ran out, they like went back to their old selves.
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V-E-G-A-M-O-U-R.com slash synced.
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2
SPEAKER_01
I am such a sucker for tradition and ritual.
2
SPEAKER_01
And if something awesome happens, this is like a sort of an addict deep part of my brain.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m like, when are we doing that again?
2
SPEAKER_01
We re doing that again.
2
SPEAKER_01
We re doing it next year or we re doing it next month or, you know, I want to keep
2
SPEAKER_01
that going.
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t think that s addicty at all.
2
SPEAKER_01
A little bit of like, oh, this feels so good.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like, I don t want this to end and we have to make sure we do it again and again and again and again.
2
SPEAKER_00
You re not unhealthily clinging to, I don t know, I don t know what an unhealthy version would be, but you re not like yelling at people to line up and be available on this day, this time, even though, you know, you have the flexibility, you have the openness, but you re like, this is meaningful.
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, again, you were like, I got handed friendships like you are such a good friend.
2
SPEAKER_00
So you have people around you that reflect back the amazing friend that you are to them, and I feel like you also manifested it.
2
SPEAKER_01
I kind of do think that.
2
SPEAKER_01
Some people have to do this more actively than others, I think.
2
SPEAKER_01
Being very much in touch
2
SPEAKER_01
with your body and your mind in moments that make you truly happy.
2
SPEAKER_01
And so like the first time that Jess and I, it was an accident.
2
SPEAKER_01
It wasn t like, okay, we re going to go have a tradition now.
2
SPEAKER_01
We were at Home Depot, I think maybe with
2
SPEAKER_01
Kristen and Dax— Oh, no, I know.
2
SPEAKER_01
It was the very first time.
2
SPEAKER_01
Dax wasn t even there.
2
SPEAKER_01
Kristen and the girls, Jess and I, were at the house, and she was like, I think we should get our tree.
2
SPEAKER_01
We should go ahead— Like, it was kind of like a task we had to do.
2
SPEAKER_01
So we all went to get the tree.
2
SPEAKER_01
And it was so fun and delightful.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then the next year we went again and I was like, I think I want to get a tree.
2
SPEAKER_01
And he was like, okay.
2
SPEAKER_01
And so then we picked up that.
2
SPEAKER_01
You let yourself feel the feeling of like, I feel so happy and so good and so safe and so cozy and so warm.
2
SPEAKER_01
I want more of this.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
I think that s maybe my two.
2
SPEAKER_01
is connecting to the moments where you feel really good.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s in our friends giving to with the secret turkey.
2
SPEAKER_01
Two years ago, it started and one of the kids in the group, she s so funny and amazing and wonderful.
2
SPEAKER_01
And she ll always put on plays with the kids and then we all have to watch the plays or movies.
2
SPEAKER_01
And for a while, it was like, oh God, like there s always something to do.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like we always have to do something.
2
SPEAKER_01
And so when it was Thanksgiving, she told us all to pick a name out of the hat, or maybe at that point she assigned us or something.
2
SPEAKER_01
I think maybe she assigned us and it was like, Monica, you have, I don t remember, but it was like, oh, it was her.
2
SPEAKER_01
She was like, Monica, you have Lily and you need to write a letter of all the things you like about her.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, oh my god, what is this?
2
SPEAKER_01
And then everyone had, like, Kristen had Laura and had to make her an origami.
2
SPEAKER_01
And someone had to write a poem for someone else.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I had to sing a song.
2
SPEAKER_01
In retrospect, I was so happy.
2
SPEAKER_01
I had to just write a letter of things I love.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then we went around the table and did it.
2
SPEAKER_01
We re all like, let s just, like, do this for Lily.
2
SPEAKER_01
Let s just get this out of the way.
2
SPEAKER_01
We gotta do it.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then by the end of it, it was the most life-affirming, heartwarming feeling of love.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like, oh, my God.
2
SPEAKER_01
It just was very, very special.
2
SPEAKER_01
And so, of course, then last year, we said, we need to do that again.
2
SPEAKER_01
Lily, make sure you give us all names.
2
SPEAKER_01
So she did a random generator and handed out our names, and she didn t tell us what we had to do this time.
2
SPEAKER_01
We got to decide.
2
SPEAKER_01
It was so fun, and I hope we ll do it again.
2
SPEAKER_01
But I think it s because we all had that sense of, oh, this is so worth doing.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like, take 30 minutes out of this day where we re just sitting around playing cards to think about somebody else in the group and make it special.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, and you re right.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s not a task, but it s probably a little bit how, I didn t grow up going to church, but a little bit church, right?
2
SPEAKER_00
Where like on Sunday, you don t necessarily want to go.
2
SPEAKER_00
You want to, you know, hang out and stay in your sweatpants, but you go and you dress up and by the end of it, and again, some people were like harmed by the church.
2
SPEAKER_00
Lump everyone in, but doing like a spiritual thing, right?
2
SPEAKER_00
In a community.
2
SPEAKER_00
In a community, exactly.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s the big piece.
2
SPEAKER_00
I had a weird year, maybe 2016, I went to church every Sunday.
2
SPEAKER_00
No!
2
SPEAKER_00
I was a little broken, like I woke up one day, it was like one of those dumb, like, we went out to this club, which I never go to clubs in New York.
3
SPEAKER_01
I was like 29, like it was too old to be at a club, but went to this club for like a birthday party and then like invited this guy I had a crush on and then he like brought a girl, right?
3
SPEAKER_01
One of those just like, ugh.
3
SPEAKER_01
And so I woke up the next day, I felt so gross about my life.
3
SPEAKER_01
And then I lived right on the corner of like 2nd and 10th in New York.
3
SPEAKER_01
There s a church, St.
3
SPEAKER_01
Mark s, and I just walked
3
SPEAKER_01
Like a weirdo.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I just sat there, and they were christening dogs and cats and pets, and it was a female priest, and there was a Black Lives Matter poster.
3
SPEAKER_01
I was like, this is dope.
3
SPEAKER_01
And then I went every Sunday.
3
SPEAKER_01
What?
3
SPEAKER_00
For a year?
3
SPEAKER_01
For a year.
3
SPEAKER_01
And then I made my parents go to church for Christmas that year.
3
SPEAKER_01
Wait, this is, wow.
3
SPEAKER_01
And they went with me.
3
SPEAKER_01
And it was the same thing where they re like, really?
3
SPEAKER_01
And then like, we all went.
3
SPEAKER_01
I feel shocked and shook.
3
SPEAKER_01
Do you?
3
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I do and I don t.
3
SPEAKER_01
But wow!
3
SPEAKER_01
And what did you get?
3
SPEAKER_01
Do you feel like you— Oh yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
I got so much out of just being in a space with other people that I don t know, that don t know anything about me, don t need anything from me, except just being with each other and singing songs.
3
SPEAKER_01
It was like going like this weird camp.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I think I was overwhelmed, definitely.
3
SPEAKER_01
I was working all the time.
3
SPEAKER_01
I was in unhealthy relationships.
3
SPEAKER_01
I was drinking a lot.
3
SPEAKER_01
I think it was this kind of cleansing thing I would feel like I could do.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I think I lacked community.
3
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I had community at work, which is the other thing, right?
3
SPEAKER_01
It was my third place, but it s still work.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I think I needed spirituality or community.
3
SPEAKER_01
During the time, did you
3
SPEAKER_01
Believe in God?
3
SPEAKER_01
Slash Jesus?
3
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I felt like I was bad at it, but I would pretend.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s like when you re falling asleep, like you have to pretend to be asleep until you fall asleep.
3
SPEAKER_00
You were trying to fake it until you made it.
3
SPEAKER_01
I would do all the things, like all the prayers.
3
SPEAKER_01
And you re working at Vox at the time?
3
SPEAKER_01
This is so bizarre.
3
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
3
SPEAKER_00
This is kind of great and very open-minded.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay, I like that.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
I mean, it was kind of nice because it s a little bit how I feel about being part of a 12-star program where I ll see people out in the wild sometimes in the neighborhood and it s not even yesterday.
3
SPEAKER_01
What?
3
SPEAKER_01
What?
3
SPEAKER_00
I wonder if people are... Okay, now I know, now I have an example.
3
SPEAKER_00
Not in the 12-Star program.
3
SPEAKER_00
I know you sought that for a need.
3
SPEAKER_00
But do people ever just like show up at these meetings and they don t... They re not an alcoholic or a codependent or whatever.
3
SPEAKER_00
They just go because it s like friendship?
3
SPEAKER_01
I 100% think so.
3
SPEAKER_01
And actually someone recently told me, I think it was in another 12-Star program, but they were like, I went to AA even though I didn t drink.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I had no issues and I just was like, cool, we re working on ourselves and like we re, you know, and I didn t have, yeah, an alcohol problem, but I did the steps and I did that.
3
SPEAKER_01
Got a sponsor.
3
SPEAKER_00
But do you think it ever tips into then you re like lying and making up that you had a vendor or something?
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh my god, I ve never thought about that.
3
SPEAKER_00
Because then you re on the spot and you feel that you have to share and at this point you re too far in to admit.
3
SPEAKER_00
So you have to say that you killed your girlfriend s dad.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, for sure.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s specific.
3
SPEAKER_00
There must be people.
3
SPEAKER_00
I think about the arm cherries because all we do is talk about addiction and Dax does make the program sound so lovely and special and wonderful, which it has been for him and so many people.
3
SPEAKER_00
But I was like, sometimes I m jealous.
3
SPEAKER_00
It is amazing.
3
SPEAKER_00
But then I have gone to some other meeting, tangential meetings, not in AA, but similar ones.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I don t have that.
3
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
3
SPEAKER_01
I remember even like my first meeting, it was virtual because it was during the pandemic and I literally dropped into, now I m kind of in a meeting that was recommended and upfront, right?
3
SPEAKER_01
Like you sort of find meetings that dive with you and with people who are not the same as you, but kind of, yeah, it works well if you feel at home basically in that group, whatever that means, right?
3
SPEAKER_01
And so they often say go to, you know, try a few meetings before you, you know, decide it s not right for you.
3
SPEAKER_01
But I remember going to my first virtual meeting.
3
SPEAKER_01
I was like definitely in a crisis situation.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I just went on the website and I found a meeting.
3
SPEAKER_01
I dropped in and I didn t have my camera on.
3
SPEAKER_01
I didn t have my sound on.
3
SPEAKER_01
And just seeing these people that I didn t know that I could have seen at the grocery store that could have passed me on the street share things that were relatable to me.
3
SPEAKER_01
I just cried continuously.
3
SPEAKER_01
And of kind of relief, but also feeling understood, even though, again, didn t share, didn t even have my camera on.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yes, yes, yes.
3
SPEAKER_00
No, me too.
3
SPEAKER_00
I also, it was also virtual and I didn t have anything on and I had no, I was not going to say anything.
3
SPEAKER_00
But yeah, it is
3
SPEAKER_00
beautiful to be immersed in how universal a lot of these sadnesses and hardships and triumphs are.
3
SPEAKER_00
It is really beautiful.
3
SPEAKER_00
But when I went, I wasn t like, oh yeah, like, this is it.
3
SPEAKER_00
I have to, I have to join this club now.
3
SPEAKER_00
Even though I did leave with some good takeaways and stuff.
3
SPEAKER_00
But, you know, Dax just really makes it sound like a really fun party.
3
SPEAKER_00
It is a fun party.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
I mean, it s a real party.
3
SPEAKER_01
I actually get uncomfortable if it s too surface for people.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, same.
3
SPEAKER_01
So be chill and not ask people, you know, not go into such deep conversation.
3
SPEAKER_01
But so much of the Tall Star program is a belief that you re powerless over whatever is difficult and that there s a higher power that is actually in charge.
3
SPEAKER_01
And that s religion, right?
3
SPEAKER_01
It s so similar.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s basically a 12-step program feels like going to church minus, you know, religion, essentially.
3
SPEAKER_01
I mean, it s funny because at the end, some groups might not do this, but we all hold hands and say the surrounding prayer.
3
SPEAKER_01
And that part, though, always makes me uncomfortable.
3
SPEAKER_01
And sometimes I ll leave right before.
3
SPEAKER_01
Because I don t, I m like, because I don t, it s almost like I don t want to be seen.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t want to be perceived.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t want to.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
So sometimes.
3
SPEAKER_00
The handholding, even though you re a very physical touch person.
3
SPEAKER_01
I know.
3
SPEAKER_01
I know.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s very vulnerable.
3
SPEAKER_01
You re all looking, you re all in a circle looking at each other.
3
SPEAKER_01
You re all holding hands and there s something about it.
3
SPEAKER_01
You re too exposed.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
Sometimes I want, I just want to.
3
SPEAKER_00
I was thinking this the other day.
3
SPEAKER_00
I think I definitely have a mechanism built in where if it tips into too overwhelming of an emotion, I really just fully shut down.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, I think there s a actual, when the steel doors close, that happens in my body.
3
SPEAKER_00
Normally, if it s about, like, my parents or something, I feel it shut because my body and brain knows it just can t handle it.
3
SPEAKER_00
it.
3
SPEAKER_00
So it s this weird protective.
3
SPEAKER_00
I ve been more in tune with that lately.
3
SPEAKER_01
Interesting.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
And what s the trigger?
3
SPEAKER_01
What is the situation?
3
SPEAKER_01
Because I m sure there are situations in real life that remind you of these situations.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I think right now a little bit is when I m home, everyone s just aging in a way that makes me so anxious.
3
SPEAKER_00
And my grandpa is really old and has full-blown
3
SPEAKER_00
They don t call it Alzheimer s, but it is.
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean, it is.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_00
I think my mom and her sisters can t say that word, but that is what it is.
3
SPEAKER_00
He doesn t know any of us.
3
SPEAKER_00
You know, he s tiny and so fragile.
3
SPEAKER_00
He looks like a completely different person.
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean, he s like, you know, he wears diapers.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s that level.
3
SPEAKER_00
I can feel myself start to go there and then it stops like the steel door has closed because I was so close with my grandparents, so close.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I spent all my summers in Savannah with them.
3
SPEAKER_00
Then they moved to Atlanta and lived in our neighborhood.
3
SPEAKER_00
I went there after school every day, like bus dropped me off there.
3
SPEAKER_00
He s like one of the only men, you know, it s, it s, it is too much.
3
SPEAKER_00
for me to see him and know it s him that we re losing.
3
SPEAKER_00
You know, like, I ve, like, I ve compartmentalized in a pretty crazy way that I m acknowledging is probably pretty crazy.
3
SPEAKER_01
You re not crazy.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s a crazy situation to be in, right?
3
SPEAKER_01
And it s that ambivalent concept of he s still there, but he s different.
3
SPEAKER_01
And he s not.
3
SPEAKER_00
He s still there, but he s not there.
3
SPEAKER_01
He s not there.
3
SPEAKER_01
And you have to live in that reality every day.
3
SPEAKER_00
And you spiral.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s like, oh, my God, my mom has to do this every day.
3
SPEAKER_00
day and she has to like take care of her dad in that way and then you start then I m like oh my god what about my day you know it just starts this emotional onslaught and I can t the door gets shut and I m not doing it on purpose but I just realized well why am I not feeling anything it s obviously my brain has protected myself from it.
3
SPEAKER_01
And even your body, right?
3
SPEAKER_01
Again, if you were like, I can t move and then I stay in for a week and I can t leave my house, I d be like, okay, that sounds like not maybe a healthy coping mechanism, but it sounds like you re just protecting yourself.
3
SPEAKER_01
Because what is the point of going to that place?
3
SPEAKER_00
But it almost feels like it s not fair to him that I haven t gone there and I haven t really honored what s gone on.
3
SPEAKER_00
Do you feel like it s also harder because it s your grandfather?
3
SPEAKER_01
Because I think I ll have so much trouble seeing my dad.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, you mean over your mom?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
I wonder if there s a part of you that s like, I don t even want to see him as weak as he is because that would be not what how he would want me to see him.
3
SPEAKER_01
There is a bit of that.
3
SPEAKER_00
There s definitely masculinity tropes with it.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like even when I was in London with my mom and dad, we were at Starbucks.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t remember the details.
3
SPEAKER_00
I just remember I think we must have had a lot of stuff
4
SPEAKER_00
to carry or something.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I said something like, I ll carry it.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t remember what happened, but basically my mom kind of shamed my dad and was like, yeah, if she can do it, you should obviously be able to do it.
4
SPEAKER_00
And he was like, not necessarily anymore.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like he had that awareness.
4
SPEAKER_00
My mom just said it so flippantly.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then, you know, there is this second after of all of us sitting like, ugh, time is passing.
4
SPEAKER_00
Life is so fucking fragile.
4
SPEAKER_00
Circling back to- I know, I wanted to ask you about Matthew.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, how do you, because, you know, we did text and stuff, but I wanted to know how you were feeling.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s so heartbreaking.
4
SPEAKER_00
It just is, is...
4
SPEAKER_00
But I posted a thing, a small thing, and I really mean it.
4
SPEAKER_00
And that when I, if I see that there s someone who, who just, life is a struggle in a way that for others it s not.
4
SPEAKER_00
Um, there s a small piece of me when they pass that feels relief for them.
4
SPEAKER_00
There can be peace.
4
SPEAKER_00
Because in this life, there wasn t any.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s just like, why?
4
SPEAKER_00
Why?
4
SPEAKER_00
Why can t we all be given a level of peace on Earth, you know?
4
SPEAKER_00
It s just very, very sad.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I was at this party with sober friends, and immediately for me, it goes into them, and I m...
4
SPEAKER_00
so scared that this will happen to them.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then all my stuff, how do I stop that from happening to them?
4
SPEAKER_00
Remember, we all need to be so hyper aware that this could happen.
4
SPEAKER_00
And you know, all of the stuff that I carry all the time is just back so instantly.
4
SPEAKER_00
So it s just like coming down from that a little bit while holding this just like this very special person is not here.
4
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh, also, by the way, real quick, because you were talking about friends.
4
SPEAKER_00
From here until the end of the year, I m in friends mode.
4
SPEAKER_00
So, like, I ll be watching Halloween episodes today and this week and then into all the Thanksgivings.
4
SPEAKER_00
Thanksgiving episodes are the best.
4
SPEAKER_00
So I ll watch that.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then Christmas.
4
SPEAKER_00
So I m just in that mode always, every year at this time.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
But anyway, how are you feeling?
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, that s a lot.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I obviously immediately thought of you.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then I wanted to text you and I was like, oh, I don t want to.
4
SPEAKER_01
I know she s at a— Anyway, so I— It was really sweet.
4
SPEAKER_00
A lot of people did, which was really sweet.
4
SPEAKER_00
And also kind of like, wow, I talk about this so much.
4
SPEAKER_00
Everyone knows how impactful that show is to me, which is also like, maybe I should shut up.
4
SPEAKER_01
No, it s such a beloved show.
4
SPEAKER_01
And we love to see you love something that much.
4
SPEAKER_01
And the show meant a lot to me.
4
SPEAKER_01
And yeah, it was funny rewatching.
4
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I got way more emotional than I thought I would get.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I think, yeah, a lot of people were.
4
SPEAKER_01
And what struck me was just how re-watching it, he s so pivotal to every scene.
4
SPEAKER_01
He s so talented.
4
SPEAKER_01
He s so talented and amazing, but also sometimes the story was about him, but often it wasn t.
4
SPEAKER_01
Often he was kind of the B story, or he would say the thing to the character in the A story to like develop their character or develop their situation.
4
SPEAKER_01
And the other thing then that I started feeling was I started feeling almost guilty because he helped us through so many things, right?
4
SPEAKER_01
And whatever friends means to you or sometimes it s for some people was like, oh, it was a time in my life where I binged a show and this thing happened.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like for me, it really was a continuous thing throughout my life.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I would rewatch the shows constantly.
4
SPEAKER_01
I ve seen every episode probably 10 times.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s always been my go-to thing.
4
SPEAKER_01
But yeah, I got sad because I was like, oh man, like, the only person in the world who didn t have a Chandler bang is Matthew Perry.
4
SPEAKER_01
Very often, I think, especially for people who are so talented and who, with their art and the way that they express themselves, help so many people laugh, or again, just artists that help people understand their lives better, they wish that they had an artist like them to help them with what they re going through.
4
SPEAKER_01
and thinking about him, and also how he doesn t really want to be remembered for Friends.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like, Friends was really painful for him.
4
SPEAKER_01
And there he is doing it for us, and he s not even enjoying it.
4
SPEAKER_01
So it s been a little bittersweet rewatching it, because I ve been like, oh, he was not just suffering, but he s doing this for us when he needs so much.
4
SPEAKER_00
And he s not asking for it.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_00
I will say, though, I think he did have Chandler bings, and I think a lot of addicts do.
4
SPEAKER_00
But when you re in your addiction, you can t receive them, and you can t take the help, and you can t have the friendships because you re tied to this other relationship with your substance.
4
SPEAKER_00
So I do think he had the opportunity, unfortunately.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s just a very sad disease.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s just for me every time.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s so sad.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
And that you said, you know, that night you were like, he was just too sensitive for this world.
4
SPEAKER_01
And there s this clip going around of all of the cast members saying what they love about him.
4
SPEAKER_01
And they all say, like, he s so funny.
4
SPEAKER_01
And Jennifer Aniston says he s so sensitive.
4
SPEAKER_01
And most people don t know that about him.
4
SPEAKER_00
Addicts are.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s a major takeaway of what I have learned in my relationships with addicts.
4
SPEAKER_00
They re the most sensitive people in my orbit.
4
SPEAKER_00
They can be the most tense and like the hardest to penetrate and they can have the biggest, speaking of wall up, but it s again, because they are so sensitive, it s so fragile.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like their ecosystem is so fragile.
4
SPEAKER_00
It is.
4
SPEAKER_00
So it s just important to remember that.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s really sad.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay, well, we should do a couple questions.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay, let s do this because this feels important.
4
SPEAKER_00
How do I make sense of the mistake I made?
4
SPEAKER_00
This is from Haley.
4
SPEAKER_00
In August, I got arrested for driving while under the influence.
4
SPEAKER_00
I had gone over a year without drinking, not due to addiction, due to me wanting to be the best physical and mental person I could be.
4
SPEAKER_00
I ve gone to therapy for four years once a week.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m in grad school and I m almost done.
4
SPEAKER_00
I ll be graduating to be a licensed therapist.
4
SPEAKER_00
I have a 4.0 in honor society.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m healthy in all respects.
4
SPEAKER_00
My life is the best it s ever been.
4
SPEAKER_00
I ve traveled throughout Italy this summer solo, but this arrest is making me think my entire life is over.
4
SPEAKER_00
I fear I won t ever get a job.
4
SPEAKER_00
I feel as if I will forever be tainted because of an awful mistake.
4
SPEAKER_00
I totally own that it happened and I deserve the punishment, but I can t seem to move on from thinking I deserve nothing but bad things from here on out.
4
SPEAKER_00
How do I give myself grace? 
4
SPEAKER_00
Aw, Hailey.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s so easy when you re not in it to just be like, of course you deserve grace.
4
SPEAKER_00
And have you ever met a person who hasn t made a mistake?
4
SPEAKER_00
No, no.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I think a way to look at your mistakes, and especially in a case like this, is
4
SPEAKER_00
wow, it could have been so much worse.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m really lucky.
4
SPEAKER_00
And that has taught me that.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like, I m really lucky.
4
SPEAKER_00
I ll make different decisions so that I don t end up in this one again.
4
SPEAKER_00
But you re doing everything like you have to cut yourself some slack.
4
SPEAKER_00
Because also sometimes this type of stronghold on perfection leads to these types of mistakes.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
You know, I have a little affirmation in my phone that says, even your mistakes are perfect.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh, that s lovely.
4
SPEAKER_01
And it s a reminder that, yeah, this mistake happened for a reason and that actually set you on a different path that maybe you would have harmed more people or harmed yourself if you hadn t been caught, right, quote unquote.
4
SPEAKER_01
And so even though you made a mistake, and I am almost happy that you did.
4
SPEAKER_01
I know.
4
SPEAKER_01
Mistakes are crucial.
4
SPEAKER_00
This is the thing.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I understand why in 2023 it feels like if you make a mistake, your life is over.
4
SPEAKER_00
You re canceled.
4
SPEAKER_00
You have no redeemable qualities.
4
SPEAKER_00
You ll never get hired.
4
SPEAKER_00
I understand that because the world kind of does tell you that, but it is really not true.
4
SPEAKER_00
They are crucial for building character.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s all you have at the end of the day is who you are as your character.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s not your job.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s not your money.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s who you are left with.
4
SPEAKER_00
And mistakes are the thing that get you there.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s funny because I was just talking about this in regards to kids.
4
SPEAKER_00
When I was home, my friend was asking us for advice because her daughter in beautiful, sweetest
4
SPEAKER_00
girl, six years old, had this issue on the playground with another friend and it was sort of race related.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I feel like everyone handled it beautifully.
4
SPEAKER_00
But I was like, yeah, guess what?
4
SPEAKER_00
Humans aren t downloaded with all the proper information.
4
SPEAKER_00
You learn it through mistakes.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s actually the only way.
4
SPEAKER_00
Someone just tells you something, you can hear it, but you won t feel it until you ve done it improperly and then you know.
4
SPEAKER_00
So it s actually a requirement.
4
SPEAKER_01
And how you react to that mistake or how you redirect is way more interesting than even the original mistake, right?
4
SPEAKER_01
Again, you know, Haley s talking about hiring and jobs and like.
4
SPEAKER_01
I would much rather hire a person who s like, yes, this is on my record.
4
SPEAKER_01
This is what I did.
4
SPEAKER_01
This is what I learned.
4
SPEAKER_01
I feel deeply this was a bad decision and here are all the ways that I ve learned and grown as a person as a result of it than someone
5
SPEAKER_01
who maybe doesn t have a DUI yet, right?
5
SPEAKER_01
I feel like that s the only difference.
5
SPEAKER_01
And if you were coming to us and saying, this happened.
5
SPEAKER_01
It wasn t my fault.
5
SPEAKER_01
I m now engaging in all these bad behaviors as a result of it because I m resentful.
5
SPEAKER_01
Like that would be a different conversation.
5
SPEAKER_01
But you clearly have learned a lot from it and grown as a person.
5
SPEAKER_01
And how wonderful is that?
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_02
Go easy on yourself.
5
SPEAKER_02
Get yourself a massage or something.
5
SPEAKER_01
Do something nice for yourself.
5
SPEAKER_02
Do something nice for Haley.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_02
These are great.
5
SPEAKER_02
God, these are I love I love our listeners.
5
SPEAKER_02
Same.
5
SPEAKER_02
Oh, OK.
5
SPEAKER_02
We re going to do this one.
5
SPEAKER_02
Boyfriend keeps nude photos of other women in his phone.
5
SPEAKER_02
Can I be upset?
5
SPEAKER_02
I m going to go with yes, but please go on.
5
SPEAKER_02
This is from Camille.
5
SPEAKER_02
Hi, Monica and Liz.
5
SPEAKER_02
I m writing in because I recently found nude photos of other women in my boyfriend s phone.
5
SPEAKER_02
I like to think we re an evolved, right word choice, couple.
5
SPEAKER_02
We watch porn together and have communicated to each other that watching porn is okay.
5
SPEAKER_02
However, I find it to be a different case entirely when there are photos on our phones.
5
SPEAKER_02
The way I explained it is this.
5
SPEAKER_02
He has intimate photos of me in his phone and I don t want to share that real estate with other women.
5
SPEAKER_02
Watching a video on a website is very different from having those photos in our phone.
5
SPEAKER_02
Is this completely unreasonable or is there an ounce of logic here?
5
SPEAKER_02
He says he doesn t see how it s different, but maybe the Sync Squad says otherwise.
5
SPEAKER_02
Thanks in advance, and I truly enjoy listening to your dismantling of patriarchies and uplifting of an array of voices and experiences.
5
SPEAKER_02
Thank you, Camille.
5
SPEAKER_02
No, your boyfriend is wrong.
5
SPEAKER_02
Like, there is no... No, no gray zone.
5
SPEAKER_02
Well, he s wrong if you ve said, I don t like it.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
5
SPEAKER_02
Then that s it.
5
SPEAKER_02
When it comes to these types of gray areas, openness, I do think we re in a moment in time where everyone s trying to be extremely evolved.
5
SPEAKER_02
Which is great.
5
SPEAKER_02
And I also think if you really feel like, I think it s totally fine if my boyfriend looks at nude pictures.
5
SPEAKER_02
I actually really don t care.
5
SPEAKER_02
That s awesome.
5
SPEAKER_02
Good for you.
5
SPEAKER_02
But you have to believe it.
5
SPEAKER_02
The problem is I think a lot of people think they should be evolved.
5
SPEAKER_02
I have a friend who is in this position a bit where she feels that she should be the cool girl.
5
SPEAKER_02
And I love her so much.
5
SPEAKER_02
She s not.
5
SPEAKER_02
She s not.
5
SPEAKER_02
And it s okay.
5
SPEAKER_02
It s not who she is.
5
SPEAKER_02
She doesn t have to pretend to be something she s not.
5
SPEAKER_02
And in fact, pretending to then be that always fucking boomerangs back at her and the partner because she ultimately can t
5
SPEAKER_02
sustained something she s not.
5
SPEAKER_02
So it s knowing yourself.
5
SPEAKER_02
It s about safety.
5
SPEAKER_02
It s how safe do you feel in that relationship.
5
SPEAKER_02
I feel fine with porn.
5
SPEAKER_02
I don t feel safe with pictures of other women on your phone, which I m going to go ahead and say.
5
SPEAKER_02
95, if not 99.9 percent of people would understand and agree.
5
SPEAKER_02
It s not actually a negotiation.
5
SPEAKER_02
These are where my boundaries are.
5
SPEAKER_02
I don t feel safe in this relationship with that happening.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I think sometimes we approach it as like, well, you could do it.
5
SPEAKER_01
I wouldn t mind.
5
SPEAKER_01
But that also doesn t matter.
5
SPEAKER_01
First of all, it s probably not true.
5
SPEAKER_01
When people say that, it s also, yeah, it s not happening, so of course you can say that.
5
SPEAKER_01
So it s easier sort of said than done.
5
SPEAKER_01
But second of all, to your original point, it doesn t even really matter what the thing is.
5
SPEAKER_01
I mean, some people are uncomfortable with their partners watching porn, period.
5
SPEAKER_01
I m not saying that that s right or wrong, but that s who you are.
5
SPEAKER_01
And if you re in a relationship where that s not happening or that s not at least interested in meeting your needs, then that s the issue, not really the porn and the photos and whatnot.
5
SPEAKER_02
You make the rules of your relationship.
5
SPEAKER_02
You and your partner make rules.
5
SPEAKER_02
And things go off the rails when people are not abiding by the rules.
5
SPEAKER_02
The rule can be everyone can do absolutely everything they want, but it s okay to have boundaries.
5
SPEAKER_02
And it s also okay to feel like maybe this open, polyamorous situation doesn t work for me.
5
SPEAKER_02
Why do you have to keep them on your phone?
5
SPEAKER_02
You can t even Google?
5
SPEAKER_02
Are they people he knows?
5
SPEAKER_00
It sounds like it could be.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, otherwise he could just search it.
5
SPEAKER_01
Right, search it.
5
SPEAKER_01
So once, okay, I was dating this guy.
5
SPEAKER_01
I was young, I was maybe 22 or 21.
5
SPEAKER_01
He was a little younger, so he s still living with his parents.
5
SPEAKER_01
And so I tipped over.
5
SPEAKER_01
We weren t boyfriend and girlfriend.
5
SPEAKER_01
Is he 16?
5
SPEAKER_01
He wasn t 16.
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SPEAKER_01
I might have been 20 and he was like 18 or something.
5
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_01
Or he was definitely over the age of 18.
5
SPEAKER_02
On the edge.
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SPEAKER_02
On the edge.
5
SPEAKER_01
No, maybe he wasn t.
5
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_01
I m kidding.
5
SPEAKER_01
I m kidding.
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SPEAKER_01
It s fine.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s fine.
5
SPEAKER_01
It was legal.
5
SPEAKER_01
And so I was at his place and his mom was at the dining table, which is so funny to think about those situations as an adult.
5
SPEAKER_01
Like now how weird that would be.
5
SPEAKER_01
Did she make you guys breakfast?
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SPEAKER_01
Like, you know, it s just normal.
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SPEAKER_01
And I was talking to his mom, and at one point, I had to get like a train ticket or like a bus ticket or I don t know what I needed to do.
5
SPEAKER_01
And he was like, oh, here, use my laptop.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I pull open his laptop, and it is just naked photos of—she s a singer in Quebec, and so she s kind of known, but he knew her as a friend, and all these nude photos of her were on the laptop.
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SPEAKER_01
And I m facing his mom, and I m just seeing this.
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SPEAKER_01
And that was a deal breaker for me.
5
SPEAKER_01
Even though we had never talked about it, we d never—maybe I hadn t explicitly said that I didn t feel comfortable with that.
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SPEAKER_01
But to me, that was like, I can t go back from that.
5
SPEAKER_01
Once that happened, if he was the love of my life, maybe I would have been able to surpass it.
5
SPEAKER_01
I just think also, it shouldn t just be a thing of, hey, I don t like this.
5
SPEAKER_01
I think you should be like, why do you have this?
5
SPEAKER_01
Right.
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SPEAKER_01
It shouldn t be you having to kind of explain why that.
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SPEAKER_01
Don t explain yourself.
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SPEAKER_01
That s the thing.
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SPEAKER_01
He s the one that has to explain.
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SPEAKER_01
And it seems like from the conversation, he s putting it on you.
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SPEAKER_01
Which is such a defense back.
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SPEAKER_02
He obviously feels freaked out that you re upset and doesn t know.
5
SPEAKER_02
And he s like, well, it should be fine.
5
SPEAKER_02
We do this other things.
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SPEAKER_02
That should be fine.
5
SPEAKER_00
Right.
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SPEAKER_02
No.
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SPEAKER_02
You re allowed to say, I don t like that.
5
SPEAKER_02
And why wouldn t you just Google?
5
SPEAKER_02
Since we have this other thing we allow, what s the point of this?
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, there s something very intimate about that.
5
SPEAKER_01
Is that just a girl thing?
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I mean, if it s like ex-girlfriends, like that s the only... No, I think she would say that.
5
SPEAKER_02
That would be crazy.
5
SPEAKER_00
But you don t really use your photos to download things on your phone.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like it s photos you ve taken or you were sent.
5
SPEAKER_01
Saved, right.
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SPEAKER_00
It s not like you re going on Google image search and downloading photos.
5
SPEAKER_02
Well, unless he just like wants quick access, that would be... But that s so lazy.
5
SPEAKER_02
It is.
5
SPEAKER_02
But it kind of feels like that s sort of what it is and why to him it s like, whatever, I could just Google.
5
SPEAKER_02
Right.
5
SPEAKER_02
But it s different.
5
SPEAKER_02
But yeah, it s also OK.
5
SPEAKER_02
Hey, if he thinks that, you can say, like, I understand that to you it s like such a fine line, but to me it s actually a really strong line.
5
SPEAKER_01
Right.
5
SPEAKER_01
How would you feel if you were in a relationship and… Naked ladies?
5
SPEAKER_02
Naked ladies.
5
SPEAKER_02
I m fine with porn.
5
SPEAKER_02
I mean, I feel bad because I have people in my life who really are against it.
5
SPEAKER_01
Oh, really?
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
Who are against their partners watching it?
5
SPEAKER_01
I used to feel that way when I was young, and now I m like, it s unrealistic to expect it.
5
SPEAKER_01
Right.
5
SPEAKER_02
But then there s like porn addiction, whatever.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s a whole thing.
5
SPEAKER_02
So exactly.
5
SPEAKER_02
Barring that there s porn addiction happening, I m fine with it.
5
SPEAKER_02
And I guess if my boyfriend had like a porn star or something, a porn that they loved, and then there was like an image from it or something that they love, no, I don t think I d like it.
5
SPEAKER_02
Well, also, it s so hard.
5
SPEAKER_02
It is hard because I think it would be very dependent on the image.
5
SPEAKER_02
and the person maybe, definitely, obviously, definitely no one they know.
5
SPEAKER_02
But if it s someone they don t know, look, I hate to say this, but I m like, is it someone who like looks so different from me?
5
SPEAKER_02
That would trigger me.
5
SPEAKER_02
In a good or bad way?
5
SPEAKER_02
Bad.
5
SPEAKER_02
Oh, you want them to look, so if it s a porn star that looks like you, it s okay.
5
SPEAKER_02
Because for my ego, it would be stressful if it was like this whole blonde
5
SPEAKER_02
flat-chested person model, I would feel, oh, fuck, like, they can t have that.
5
SPEAKER_02
They re obviously not getting that with me, so they have to go seek it out over here.
5
SPEAKER_02
But if it s someone who, like, looks like me, I think I could say, like, man, they just love my type.
5
SPEAKER_02
They just love my type.
5
SPEAKER_01
That s so funny.
5
SPEAKER_01
So if they look like you, then you like it.
5
SPEAKER_01
That s a good rule.
5
SPEAKER_01
If the poor star looks like me, it s okay.
5
SPEAKER_02
That s just my own personal, what triggers me versus what doesn t trigger me.
5
SPEAKER_02
If they want to look
5
SPEAKER_02
get porn, I guess I prefer that it s someone who looks like me.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_02
Cause then I m like, they like brown skin girls.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
Well, I would see how even sometimes exes, right?
5
SPEAKER_01
You ve seen who they ve dated before and you re like, it can breed insecurity if again, it s very different from what you look like or what you, how you are.
5
SPEAKER_01
But it goes both ways, right?
5
SPEAKER_02
Actually, because sometimes if I know someone has dated like a couple other Indian girls, then I m like, they just have a type.
5
SPEAKER_02
And that s annoying.
5
SPEAKER_01
I never understand your eye rolls when that happens.
5
SPEAKER_01
Because I ve been on Instagram with you like, oh, of course.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I m like, wait, why do you like him less?
5
SPEAKER_02
Because there s something that feels like, is it a fetish?
5
SPEAKER_02
Oh, okay.
5
SPEAKER_02
And I m so not interested in being that for you.
5
SPEAKER_02
I want you to like me.
5
SPEAKER_02
And then
6
SPEAKER_01
and find me attractive and like those parts of me, like the diverse parts of me, but not seek me out because I am.
6
SPEAKER_01
Okay, you have a weird thing.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s small.
6
SPEAKER_01
I guess it s like a small caveat.
6
SPEAKER_01
And then, yeah, so back to the porn thing, if they re just searching Indian women,
6
SPEAKER_01
I think I like that because I do have such an insecurity about that part of me.
6
SPEAKER_01
And there s all this vestigial stuff like, well, you just can t be as hot as a white person.
6
SPEAKER_01
You just never will be.
6
SPEAKER_01
So the idea that someone on their free time, they re like, is searching for this look physically.
6
SPEAKER_01
I like it, but then yeah, why don t I like the other thing?
6
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
6
SPEAKER_01
I m saying two things at the same time.
6
SPEAKER_01
I recognize that, so I don t really get it.
6
SPEAKER_00
I mean, my response is also, the most beautiful women I know are Indian women.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s just a fact.
6
SPEAKER_00
Well, then you re the type.
6
SPEAKER_00
No, it s not because I m weird.
6
SPEAKER_01
No, I don t mean that.
6
SPEAKER_01
I don t mean that.
6
SPEAKER_01
I m not putting you in the positive category.
6
SPEAKER_01
There s now two categories.
6
SPEAKER_01
There s the type who are looking at Indian porn who I like.
6
SPEAKER_00
And then there s the type who are just dating Indian women who I don t.
6
SPEAKER_00
But you could say if I m dating someone and he s only dated tall white girls, I could say, oh, that s a fetish.
6
SPEAKER_00
It could be the same thing, right?
6
SPEAKER_00
He just wants me for this.
6
SPEAKER_00
You know, it s not.
6
SPEAKER_00
OK.
6
SPEAKER_00
OK.
6
SPEAKER_01
Because it s because it s not.
6
SPEAKER_01
This is a minority group with very specific.
6
SPEAKER_01
And there s also something about when it s dating.
6
SPEAKER_01
versus when it s just sexual attraction.
6
SPEAKER_01
Oh, I see.
6
SPEAKER_01
And dating is like, we re not all the same, bro.
6
SPEAKER_01
So, like, why are you just picking this visual?
6
SPEAKER_01
If you re dating someone, you re gonna get different.
6
SPEAKER_01
You know what I mean?
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I do.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s so specific.
6
SPEAKER_01
Right.
6
SPEAKER_01
We ve got six minutes and ads to do.
6
SPEAKER_01
Oh, my God.
6
SPEAKER_01
We re going deep.
6
SPEAKER_01
So deep.
6
SPEAKER_01
I love it.
6
SPEAKER_01
But, yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
Anyway.
6
SPEAKER_01
Anyway, I think we answered it.
6
SPEAKER_01
You re allowed to have your boundaries.
6
SPEAKER_00
Totally.
6
SPEAKER_01
And you should feel empowered to have them.
6
SPEAKER_01
Empowered to, yes.
6
SPEAKER_01
We don t have time to do any more today.
6
SPEAKER_01
We ll be back and we should do a tradition.
6
SPEAKER_00
We should.
6
SPEAKER_01
In between now and next week.
6
SPEAKER_01
I love that.
6
SPEAKER_01
Let s establish.
6
SPEAKER_01
Even though I said that s the opposite of how you should do it is deciding you re going to have one, we will.
6
SPEAKER_00
We will.
6
SPEAKER_00
And share if you have ones with your friends and how you keep them alive.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
6
SPEAKER_00
So we can get insults.
6
SPEAKER_01
Also, we were supposed to talk about if you gave anyone compliments, but we didn t have time.
6
SPEAKER_01
And I got sick.
6
SPEAKER_01
And you were sick, so you didn t.
6
SPEAKER_00
I know.
6
SPEAKER_01
I ll do it this week.
6
SPEAKER_01
Okay, great.
6
SPEAKER_01
I ll do it this week.
6
SPEAKER_01
We have a lot of homework.
6
SPEAKER_00
A lot of homework.
6
SPEAKER_00
I love it, though.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it s fun.
6
SPEAKER_00
It helps a little bit.
6
SPEAKER_01
Okay, I ll see you next week.
6
SPEAKER_00
Love you.
6
SPEAKER_00
Bye.