0
SPEAKER_00
Hello?
0
SPEAKER_00
Hey, what s up, man?
0
SPEAKER_00
What s your name?
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, my name s Taz.
0
SPEAKER_00
Taz, like the Tasmanian devil?
0
SPEAKER_00
Yes, sir.
0
SPEAKER_00
Well, Tasmanian devil, what s going on?
0
SPEAKER_01
Well, I ve had a crazy last few months, and I figured you... I tried calling in to tell you about it before, but you said my phone sucked, so... Oh, well, your phone sounds good now, so let s hear it.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, well, let s see, about... Say about five months ago,
0
SPEAKER_01
me and my wife were splitting up.
0
SPEAKER_01
Um, and she said she was going to go down to her mom s for a little bit, um, just to have some time apart because we ve been married for about five years and been up each other s.
0
SPEAKER_01
But literally the whole time, never spent a day apart.
0
SPEAKER_01
And then she said she was doing that.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I said, okay, she took my son and they went down probably two hours away.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I, um,
0
SPEAKER_01
That next Wednesday, she called me and says, actually, um, I took your son and we moved to Florida with a guy I met online about a month before we broke up and he s making more money and he s going to let her be a stay at home mom and all this stuff.
0
SPEAKER_01
So she just.
0
SPEAKER_01
Up and left and took my son from Texas to Florida.
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SPEAKER_01
And now she s come back to Texas and is
0
SPEAKER_01
pregnant with this dude s baby and didn t have a place to live.
0
SPEAKER_01
So I let her move back in with me.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s been a pretty crazy.
0
SPEAKER_00
That s very crazy.
0
SPEAKER_00
You let her move back in with you.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, man, I couldn t let her just be homeless and live outside and have my son, you know, I, I still, unfortunately I still love her.
0
SPEAKER_01
So yeah, I just, I let her move back in.
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SPEAKER_00
And, uh, she, how long ago was this?
0
SPEAKER_01
Um, she just moved back in probably two months ago.
0
SPEAKER_00
And is she still there?
0
SPEAKER_01
Yep.
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SPEAKER_00
And does your son live there?
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
My son stayed in with me, the dude that she moved in with in Florida.
0
SPEAKER_01
Um, he s only three and he, uh, abused him with a belt and all sorts of stuff.
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SPEAKER_01
So I told her I m not letting her go anywhere with my son again.
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SPEAKER_00
The, the, okay.
0
SPEAKER_00
So the guy that your wife left you for who she met on the internet and living down in Florida, he, you found out he hit your son.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
With the belt.
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SPEAKER_01
And he s only three.
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SPEAKER_00
That s fucking sucks, man.
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SPEAKER_00
I m sorry to hear that.
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SPEAKER_00
That s crazy.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it s all right.
0
SPEAKER_01
It definitely makes my blood boil.
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SPEAKER_01
And I told her I don t ever want to see this dude.
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SPEAKER_01
Cause, uh, you know, a father might not react too well to, uh, the man that was abusing his son.
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SPEAKER_00
Um, all right.
0
SPEAKER_00
So, so where, where, where s that?
0
SPEAKER_00
So she s just been living with you for two months.
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SPEAKER_00
She s pregnant with this guy s kid and she has your son and what she s like, where s the guy?
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SPEAKER_00
The guy s just down in Florida.
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SPEAKER_00
Is she still seeing him?
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SPEAKER_00
What s going on with that?
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
The guy s down in Florida and she,
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SPEAKER_01
Um, when she moved back up here, she s saying that she wants to get back with me and wants to be with me and all this stuff, but I m not too sure about all that.
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SPEAKER_01
But she said that she s still going to continue to talk to this dude, text him and talk to him on the phone and all this stuff.
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SPEAKER_01
And she didn t care whether I was okay with it or not.
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SPEAKER_01
And she said, that s what she s going to do.
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SPEAKER_01
But she wants to be with me.
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SPEAKER_01
She wants us to get back together.
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SPEAKER_00
And I don t know if she wants, she wants to get back together with you.
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SPEAKER_00
Yes.
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SPEAKER_00
Oh my God, man.
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SPEAKER_00
How s your relationship with your three-year-old son who s living with you now?
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SPEAKER_00
How s that?
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SPEAKER_00
That sounds good.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, he s the only reason I get up and go to work every day, really.
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SPEAKER_01
I mean, before I had a family to take care of and when they left, I kind of felt like I lost my purpose.
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SPEAKER_01
So I started slacking off at work and showing up late and stuff like that.
0
SPEAKER_01
But now that he s back, I feel like it kind of gives me the motivation to
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SPEAKER_01
wake up at four o clock in the morning and drive an hour and a half to work every day.
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SPEAKER_01
Says here you re 26?
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SPEAKER_00
Yes, sir.
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SPEAKER_01
Yep.
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SPEAKER_00
Goddamn, man.
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SPEAKER_00
You re more of an adult than I am.
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SPEAKER_01
It s hard, but you know, if he s back, I m definitely going to take every advantage of getting to take care of him and don t want to, you know, lose my job and lose my house and then be in a predicament, you know?
0
SPEAKER_00
Well, brother, let s talk.
0
SPEAKER_00
All right.
0
SPEAKER_00
What s the give me what s your best case scenario?
0
SPEAKER_01
Well, the best case scenario would be.
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SPEAKER_01
That she gets a job and we try and work on building trust again, because, you know, I m sure you can tell that the trust is little to none at the moment because of what she did.
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SPEAKER_01
And like I said, I still love her.
0
SPEAKER_01
She s the mother to my son, and I feel like we re two halves to a whole.
0
SPEAKER_01
We get along real well.
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SPEAKER_01
We don t seem to fight and argue.
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SPEAKER_01
It s just money has always been an issue living in Austin, Texas, and only me having a job.
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SPEAKER_00
So you want to get back together with her and make it work after all this?
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SPEAKER_01
I do, but I feel real hesitant about it.
0
SPEAKER_01
You know what I mean?
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SPEAKER_01
Like who, and then what, what is everybody else going to think of me?
0
SPEAKER_01
Like I m just a pushover simp, you know, just she, she left and come back and I just take her back.
0
SPEAKER_01
No problem.
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SPEAKER_01
Type deal.
0
SPEAKER_00
Hmm.
0
SPEAKER_00
Well, is how long have you been, uh, not even married, but like together with this, with this woman?
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SPEAKER_01
So we ve been married for five and we were dating for two.
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SPEAKER_01
So seven, we ve been together for seven years.
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SPEAKER_01
Me and her are the exact same age.
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SPEAKER_01
We re only like a month apart.
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SPEAKER_01
Her birthday s in April and mine s in May.
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SPEAKER_00
And she s still seeing, she s still seeing this, this dude down in Florida who hit your kid.
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SPEAKER_01
Um, she told me that they re not together and that she doesn t want to be with him.
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SPEAKER_01
That s why she left him to come back to Texas.
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SPEAKER_01
Um, but she said that he, he forced her to stop talking to me.
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SPEAKER_01
Like he had passwords to her phone and would look at, was logged into her Facebook and Instagram and all that stuff just to make sure that she wasn t talking to nobody else.
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SPEAKER_01
So he made her completely cut me off.
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SPEAKER_01
And she said that she didn t want to do that, but now that she s back in Texas and
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SPEAKER_01
She doesn t ever want to go through that again.
0
SPEAKER_01
So she said, she s not going to let me tell her who she can and can t talk to.
0
SPEAKER_01
But if I ever want to look at their messages to feel free, that she doesn t want to be back with him.
0
SPEAKER_01
She just doesn t want to have to go to court for the child and all that stuff.
0
SPEAKER_01
So the plan is, is she s just going to give the baby to him, which I don t think is a very good idea after seeing the way that he treated my son.
0
SPEAKER_01
But at the same time, it would be hard for me to raise, you know, this other man s child and
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SPEAKER_01
whenever I m barely even able to take care of me, my son, and my wife.
0
SPEAKER_00
We are in full Dr. Phil mode on this podcast.
0
SPEAKER_00
Um, but man, okay, listen, let me, um, obviously this is a crazy situation, but let me tell you, let me tell you one thing.
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SPEAKER_00
Okay.
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SPEAKER_00
Um, shit.
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SPEAKER_00
What s your name again?
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SPEAKER_00
I m sorry.
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SPEAKER_00
I m stupid.
0
SPEAKER_00
Taz.
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SPEAKER_00
Taz.
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SPEAKER_00
Um,
0
SPEAKER_00
Taz, from everything that you have told me, and I know in your brain, maybe you beat yourself up of like, oh, I m a simp or whatever.
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SPEAKER_00
You strike me, and I mean this as a guy who has a lot of integrity and care for other people and for his family, right?
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SPEAKER_00
Because you really are.
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SPEAKER_00
You really are.
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SPEAKER_00
Because, um.
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SPEAKER_00
And for better or for worse in terms of how it affects you personally, but clearly you make decisions with your life that are the most beneficial for your son, right?
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SPEAKER_00
And you understand and
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SPEAKER_00
Accept the response and embrace the responsibility that comes with Being a father which is a crazy.
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SPEAKER_00
I mean we re the same age and you re you know It s a it s a crazy thing to Take in and excel at and you re doing it And I truly truly truly truly truly commend you for that and you re making some fucking difficult
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SPEAKER_00
decisions to be able to do that and so I m not gonna tell you what to do I mean later I might get frustrated and and tell you what to do but
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SPEAKER_00
I just hope you know that you deserve to be happy and you deserve to live a drama-free life and you deserve to have relationships where you re loved and prioritized and treated well and with respect
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SPEAKER_00
and I hope you internalize that and understand that and that those truths
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SPEAKER_00
In addition to thinking about what s best for your son and the people you care about, I hope that those truths are what guide your decision-making process in this situation.
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SPEAKER_00
Does that make sense?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, absolutely.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
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SPEAKER_01
That s where it s hard.
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SPEAKER_01
I care about my son so much that I would hate to, you know, take him away from his mother, even though she did it to me.
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SPEAKER_01
or for him to have to grow up without his mom and his dad, even though I still truly love her.
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SPEAKER_01
I mean, even though she did this to me, I still can t change that.
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SPEAKER_01
You know what I mean?
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SPEAKER_01
I hate her for what she did, but at the same time, she s my wife.
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SPEAKER_01
I d do anything for her, obviously.
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SPEAKER_01
I let her move back in and she doesn t even have a job and I m paying all the bills and paying for her food and all that.
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SPEAKER_00
Taz,
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SPEAKER_00
Do you, I mean this with respect, how do you feel about yourself?
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SPEAKER_01
I feel like myself isn t as important as my son.
1
SPEAKER_01
I chose to lay down in bed and bring that life into this world, so if making his life better comes at the detriment of my life, then that s what needs to be done.
1
SPEAKER_01
He deserves to have a life.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s not his fault that she took off,
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SPEAKER_01
my fault that, you know, he she did what she did or anything like that, you know, and I would hate to take that out on him by just leaving, you know, and being like, well, screw you.
1
SPEAKER_01
You screwed me over.
1
SPEAKER_01
You know, I m just going to take my son and leave like you did me.
1
SPEAKER_01
You know, I just feel like that would be, you know, not beneficial to him in any kind of way.
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SPEAKER_00
Does a universe of joint custody exist in this situation?
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SPEAKER_01
It does.
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SPEAKER_01
And she said that she would never take him away from me again because she realized that that was wrong.
1
SPEAKER_01
But at the same time, she, I mean, I don t, what would we, what would we do?
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SPEAKER_01
You know what I m saying?
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SPEAKER_01
If she were to go back to Florida and we were to have joint custody, it wouldn t really matter at that point because she d be, you know, five, six states away, 14 hours.
1
SPEAKER_01
So it wouldn t really matter unless she got her own place.
1
SPEAKER_01
Close, you know?
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SPEAKER_00
Who else have you talked to about this?
1
SPEAKER_01
Just like my mom, but my mom is a drug addict and doesn t really have the best relationship advice in her life.
1
SPEAKER_01
And that s kind of, you know, one of the only person I really have.
1
SPEAKER_01
Everybody else tells me that I m crazy and that I m,
1
SPEAKER_01
I m crazy strong for, you know, just letting her move back in like this.
1
SPEAKER_01
But at the same time, you know, they kind of look at me like, what s wrong with you?
1
SPEAKER_01
You know, like why, who, what kind of man lets his wife leave and lets her come back just pregnant and puts up with it and is okay.
1
SPEAKER_01
I guess, you know, the way most people put it, they think I m just okay with it, but it s kind of just a situation that kind of landed on my lap.
1
SPEAKER_00
What do you think is best for your son?
1
SPEAKER_01
Uh, I think not being selfish, but I think what I want would also would be what s best for him.
1
SPEAKER_01
You know, if she could, uh, like I said, I guess I can t really control who she talks to, but, um, at the same time, if she s not, you know, talking dirty or, or, you know, telling him that he, she loves him or that she s going to move back, you know, kind of giving him false hope and stuff.
1
SPEAKER_01
I would hope that me and her can,
1
SPEAKER_01
make this work and rebuild trust and move on from it and just kind of look at it as a thing of the past.
1
SPEAKER_01
And him to have both of his parents, his mom and his dad, cause I didn t have both my parents together.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I remember getting in trouble and being like, you know, screw it.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m just going to go live with my dad and not get in trouble there.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I d be like, screw it.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m just gonna go live with my mom.
1
SPEAKER_01
And it kind of really messed my life up.
1
SPEAKER_01
Cause I don t, that s why I don t have any long-term adult friends because I moved so much because I was a brat.
1
SPEAKER_01
And my parents had joint custody.
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, all right, tell me this.
1
SPEAKER_00
So all right, so you grew up your parents having joint custody.
1
SPEAKER_00
And was it a similar thing where they were in very different locations?
1
SPEAKER_01
No, they probably lived about an hour apart from each other.
1
SPEAKER_01
So we would meet up on the weekends and I would go live with the other one, whoever I was, or go stay the weekends and holidays and stuff with the parent I wasn t living with.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
So understandably that s hard, but like what, all right, when you were growing up, what was like your relationship with your dad?
1
SPEAKER_00
Like on an individual basis, outside of, outside of the joint custody situation and outside of his relationship with your mom.
1
SPEAKER_01
I absolutely love my dad, especially when I was a kid because I was too young to understand some of the kind of, uh, you know, living in, in Texas.
1
SPEAKER_01
And my dad is from, from Texas his whole life.
1
SPEAKER_01
And he s kind of a racist kind of, sort of, yeah, he s just really racist.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I didn t realize that as a kid.
1
SPEAKER_01
And so as a kid, we were great.
1
SPEAKER_01
I loved him.
1
SPEAKER_01
I looked up to him a lot.
1
SPEAKER_01
But now that I m an adult and I realize, you know, whoa, some of the shit you said as a kid, that s kind of, kind of crazy and whatnot.
1
SPEAKER_01
So I just, you know, try not to, I have so much going on in my life already.
1
SPEAKER_01
I try not to let those outside, you know, influences, negative outside influences, you know, weigh in on my decisions.
1
SPEAKER_01
Cause I don t want to be like him.
1
SPEAKER_00
Did he treat you well?
1
SPEAKER_00
Did he, did he prioritize you and, and was he like a, just a good, a good dad?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah, definitely.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so but you feel like all the like fucked up shit from your childhood was was truly as a result of them being divorced.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, because if they were together, I could have went to the same school or at least not as many schools and made, you know, lifelong friends instead of growing up to be in 26.
1
SPEAKER_01
And now I have no friends whatsoever.
1
SPEAKER_01
Just that s why me and my wife are up each other s butt for four years, because
1
SPEAKER_01
She went to a private Catholic school and I moved around so much, so neither me nor her had friends or went out and did anything.
1
SPEAKER_01
So if they were together, I feel like that wouldn t have happened.
1
SPEAKER_01
I d have had a happier life, more people in my life at this age.
1
SPEAKER_00
Hmm.
1
SPEAKER_00
Hmm.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
Outside of wanting your wife back and wanting to kind of keep the household glued together.
1
SPEAKER_00
What else do you want for your life?
1
SPEAKER_01
Um, well, um,
1
SPEAKER_01
I m currently in a job that I get, um, I m getting a raise.
1
SPEAKER_01
I d like to learn more about, you know, trees and shrubs.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s what I m a tree shrub specialist.
1
SPEAKER_01
So I really enjoy learning more about, you know, the different kinds of diseases and insects and stuff like that.
1
SPEAKER_01
So, you know, get a good job and I don t know, I d like to make some friends at some point, but I don t really know how to do that because I haven t had any friends since school.
1
SPEAKER_01
You know, in school, it s a lot easier to make friends with someone you see in your class every day.
1
SPEAKER_01
But being an adult, it s kind of like, where do I go and who do I talk to?
1
SPEAKER_01
And, you know, do you just walk up to a random person like, hi, how are you?
1
SPEAKER_01
What are you doing?
1
SPEAKER_01
What s your name?
1
SPEAKER_01
Can we be friends?
1
SPEAKER_01
Like, that seems a little weird, you know?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, that s a whole separate phone call.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, that s what I want.
1
SPEAKER_00
But these are good things.
2
SPEAKER_00
to know because I don t I don t know man you re in a you re in a you re in a very very very tricky situation right because here s the thing if you didn t have a kid the answer would be pretty obvious but you have a kid and you you know want to do whatever is best for the kid and I by the way and I m not saying either way I really I really am NOT I m really not gonna pretend like I I I
2
SPEAKER_00
know what s best in this situation, but I, I don t, I don t automatically agree with the idea that
2
SPEAKER_00
you somehow need to put up with people treating you poorly and you being in a shitty situation that makes you unhappy is going to automatically be the most beneficial thing for your kid.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t automatically agree with that.
2
SPEAKER_00
I understand the idea of making sacrifices for the purpose of your kid,
2
SPEAKER_00
But I don t know necessarily where you draw that line.
2
SPEAKER_00
You know what I mean?
2
SPEAKER_00
And that s the thing, right?
2
SPEAKER_00
And you re taking responsibility for it.
2
SPEAKER_00
And that s what s so hard about having a kid is because when you do, your life really isn t about yourself anymore.
2
SPEAKER_00
And it really is about how you can do what s most beneficial for your kid.
2
SPEAKER_00
But sometimes it might be beneficial for your kid, for you, to be happy so that your kid doesn t feel like you resent them in some way or that you
2
SPEAKER_00
You know, force yourself into misery for their benefits.
2
SPEAKER_00
And just also, I, I, I, if, if, if I, if you can take away anything from this phone call and I, and I mean this, I don t want to be sappy.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s just what I want to tell you from what I m hearing you talk about.
2
SPEAKER_00
I really think you deserve to be happy and you deserve to go make friends and you deserve to not be in, in a relationship with somebody who s.
2
SPEAKER_00
Treating you poorly.
2
SPEAKER_00
I really do believe that.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I... I think... That you can do all these things and still be a good father to your son.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t think that... Right.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t think that they re mutually exclusive.
2
SPEAKER_00
And... I don t have the answers.
2
SPEAKER_00
But I do kind of want to believe that and I do kind of want you to believe that.
2
SPEAKER_00
You know?
2
SPEAKER_00
So, I mean, that s that s where I ve kind of landed on it.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, that s kind of somewhat of the advice my mom gave me when I told her about all this.
2
SPEAKER_01
She was like, you know, if you and her are in a household and y all don t love each other or y all aren t, you know, emotionally connected, but he s he can he can tell that and he would grow up with two parents that are, you know, not always on the same page or are just together for him.
2
SPEAKER_01
And it could could, you know, affect him.
2
SPEAKER_01
In the end, worse than separating and both of us being happy and doing the right thing, you know, for our own sake.
2
SPEAKER_00
Right.
2
SPEAKER_00
Right.
2
SPEAKER_00
No, that s that.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s the issue with staying together for the kids is you stay together for the kids and then both the parents are unhappy.
2
SPEAKER_00
And whether you want it to or not, it subconsciously seeps its way into the entire family dynamic.
2
SPEAKER_00
Right.
2
SPEAKER_00
So so I mean, that s good that you are thinking about that and understand that.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
And bro, also, you know.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
2
SPEAKER_00
I want to I want I want to be careful here because I really I really do submit to the fact that I Don t I don t know what the best way to navigate in life is but um Shit, what was I gonna say?
2
SPEAKER_00
I I?
2
SPEAKER_00
Have I have too much I have I was looking at I was um I was thinking about the Hot Wheels game for Game Boy Advance and I just intrusively Entered into my brain.
2
SPEAKER_00
This is such a stupid thing to say all right
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay, what was I gonna say?
2
SPEAKER_00
What was I gonna say?
2
SPEAKER_00
Stay with me.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, okay.
2
SPEAKER_00
Sometimes, like... Just, just...
2
SPEAKER_00
Sometimes it s good enough for you to go to bed at night and go, um, listen, if things didn t work out, um, due to factors outside of my control, I wasn t able to give my son this ideal life of a, of a perfect nuclear family.
2
SPEAKER_00
That was his mom in the same house as me.
2
SPEAKER_00
I fucking tried my goddamn hardest to be a good father to do make the best choices that I could but but but it just didn t work out because in fucking life so not everything it s not enough not it can t be perfect and you can t control other people s
2
SPEAKER_00
Actions and reactions and you can t control what your ex-wife or wife is is gonna do and you can t control whether or not These things work out as picture-perfectly as you want, but you can Do the best that you can and go to sleep at night Knowing that you did Is that a helpful in any way shape or form
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, absolutely.
2
SPEAKER_01
Because hopefully, you know, he would grow up one day and I would be able to put it that way to him.
2
SPEAKER_01
You know, I tried my hardest and I really wanted this to work out.
2
SPEAKER_01
And, you know, I feel like in the end he would respect me for that.
2
SPEAKER_01
You know that I did everything I could and hopefully he would understand that.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
I just hope you don t make yourself miserable, man.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like, I don t think that s the answer, you know?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I definitely don t want that either.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m just kind of at the moment where
2
SPEAKER_01
I m I m kind of playing it by ear I guess you could say to see whether or not she decides that this is what she wants you know because it doesn t matter how much I want this if she doesn t want it too then if you know it kind of doesn t matter so.
2
SPEAKER_00
Is that really what you want?
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean honestly dude I like I said I ve
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t know if it s that I, I love her a lot and I m just willing to get back with her or it s, I m scared to, to be alone.
2
SPEAKER_01
You know, I ve, me and her have been together for seven years and we ve always been, she s always paid half the rent and you know, always just been there when I come get off work.
2
SPEAKER_01
I couldn t imagine getting off work and like when she was gone, getting off work and coming home to an empty house or, you know, anything like that, that d be a heartbreaking.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s fucking hard.
2
SPEAKER_00
Um, yeah, it s fucking hard.
2
SPEAKER_00
Um, but look, man, I ve said it a bunch of times throughout this call and I ll, I ll, I ll say it one more is that you deserve to be with somebody who s appreciative of you and respectful of you because you re a good guy.
2
SPEAKER_00
You know, you, you really are.
2
SPEAKER_01
Thank you.
2
SPEAKER_01
I appreciate that.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, man.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, geez.
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, we ve both earned ourselves some Hot Wheels Game Boy Advance Let s Play videos on YouTube, I think, after this phone call.
2
SPEAKER_01
Here you go.
2
SPEAKER_01
I might look that up just to find out what it is.
2
SPEAKER_00
No, it s not.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s going to ruin your life.
2
SPEAKER_00
Um, what s it when I see what Taz Taz Taz.
2
SPEAKER_00
All right, before we go, is there, is there, is there just any other aspect of any of this that you wanted to talk about or any way at all in which I can be remotely helpful to you or any, any words of any other, just anything?
2
SPEAKER_01
No, man, that s, that s what I wanted to call and talk to you about.
2
SPEAKER_01
And you, you know, it s really nice hearing from, uh,
2
SPEAKER_01
someone else s opinion that isn t, you know, on drugs.
2
SPEAKER_01
I can trust your opinion more than the only other person I can get.
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, I mean, I ll say that s very assumptive of you.
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, weed ain t a drug.
2
SPEAKER_01
My mom does hard drugs.
2
SPEAKER_00
Um, anyway, uh, well, do you have any final things you want to say to the people, the computer before we go?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Um,
2
SPEAKER_01
Life s going to keep knocking you down, but don t let it keep you down.
2
SPEAKER_01
Get back up and keep moving.
2
SPEAKER_01
Try and do what s best for you and your family if you got one.
2
SPEAKER_00
Good fucking luck, Taz.
2
SPEAKER_00
All right.
2
SPEAKER_00
Good fucking luck.
2
SPEAKER_00
And God bless you and your family.
3
SPEAKER_01
Definitely.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yep.
3
SPEAKER_00
Geck forever.
3
SPEAKER_01
Take care, man.
3
SPEAKER_00
You too.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, geez.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, that one s tough.
3
SPEAKER_01
That one s tough.
3
SPEAKER_01
I just hope he makes the decision, like I ve said over the course of the phone calls.
3
SPEAKER_01
I hope he seems like a nice guy.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t have like I don t I don t have enough.
3
SPEAKER_01
I couldn t
3
SPEAKER_01
I couldn t be responsible to a child right now.
3
SPEAKER_01
I really couldn t.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I respect the fact that he can, and that he really isn t like pussyfooting around the whole thing.
3
SPEAKER_01
He s really doing it.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I respect that a lot.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I don t think it s going to be easier or better with him being miserable.
3
SPEAKER_01
And the whole thing about like...
3
SPEAKER_01
Is it better to be alone or with somebody who you don t think you can trust?
3
SPEAKER_01
Of course, like, all right, the answer to that, the answer to that s obvious, right?
3
SPEAKER_01
It s better to be alone.
3
SPEAKER_01
But it s not so obvious in practice.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s obvious to say, but it s hard, man.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s hard being alone.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s hard trying to meet new people.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s hard trying to make new friends, new romantic partners.
3
SPEAKER_01
And sometimes it s easier to just be in some shitty thing, but it s probably worth giving it a shot.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m going to say it s probably worth giving it a shot.
3
SPEAKER_01
What else are you going to do?
3
SPEAKER_01
What else are you going to do besides give it a shot?
3
SPEAKER_01
What else are you going to do?
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m just a fucking gecko.
3
SPEAKER_01
Hey folks, this is Lyle.
3
SPEAKER_01
I am very excited to announce that I am going back on tour in 2024 to do Therapy Gecko Live all across the country.
3
SPEAKER_01
If you ve never been to one of my live shows before, they re basically like giant group gecko therapy sessions where people from the audience come on stage to talk to a gecko about whatever they want, just like we do right here on the podcast.
3
SPEAKER_01
Plus,
3
SPEAKER_01
I mix in a few stories and presentations and little tidbits from my own life.
3
SPEAKER_01
Tickets are available right now at therapygeckotour.com or you can find the link in the episode description.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m announcing many more cities in the second half of the year, but right now, tickets are on sale for Phoenix, Arizona, Louisville, Kentucky, St.
3
SPEAKER_01
Louis, Missouri, Orlando, Florida, Tampa, Florida, Miami, Florida,
3
SPEAKER_01
Boston, Massachusetts, Denver, Colorado, Syracuse, New York, Albany, New York, Hartford, Connecticut, Las Vegas, Nevada, Salt Lake City, Utah, Nashville, Tennessee, Huntsville, Alabama, Chicago, Illinois, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, San Jose, California, San Francisco, California, Portland, Oregon, and Seattle, Washington.
3
SPEAKER_01
And you can get tickets for all of those cities at therapygeckotour.com.
3
SPEAKER_01
If you didn t hear me say your city, you can still go to the link and hit the RSVP button to get notified for when I do come to your city in the second half of the year.
3
SPEAKER_01
This is my third tour so far, and I think it s gonna be sick.
3
SPEAKER_01
So I hope to see you there.
3
SPEAKER_01
Thanks.
3
SPEAKER_01
Hi.
3
SPEAKER_01
Hi.
3
SPEAKER_01
What s your name, sir?
3
SPEAKER_01
My name is Seamus, sir.
3
SPEAKER_01
Seamus.
3
SPEAKER_01
What s going on, Seamus?
3
SPEAKER_01
How s life?
3
SPEAKER_00
So I m getting really into well, I ve been really into van life for the past year or so.
3
SPEAKER_00
I bought this fucking huge ass vehicle with my partner.
3
SPEAKER_00
And it used to be we got it on discount because we bought it from a skating company that was like not having very much business.
3
SPEAKER_00
And so we ve been cleaning it out.
3
SPEAKER_00
tons of gnarly shit and like a shit ton of mold underneath the seats and a bunch of snacks that look like they ve been in there for like ever.
3
SPEAKER_00
And some guy s phone, like a whole iPhone.
3
SPEAKER_01
I like how surprised you are that you found a lot of gross mold and food in a old van that you bought.
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, it s only it s only a 2011 Sprinter.
3
SPEAKER_00
So like I wasn t and like we ve been like taking it out a few times and like we ve already done a lot of work on it.
3
SPEAKER_00
You know, we bought it around Halloween.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I was just shocked that.
3
SPEAKER_00
We only discovered how much mold is in this thing, like, last week.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m gonna skip to the thing that you texted me specifically about.
3
SPEAKER_01
You said you found an iPhone in this van.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I did.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
And it works.
3
SPEAKER_01
And you said you found out who the owner is, but quote, and I m gonna, you said quote,
3
SPEAKER_01
I want to make the most of this discovery before I offer to send it back to him.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, ideally, I want to do something funny, but IDK what yet.
3
SPEAKER_01
What do you want to do with this poor guy s phone?
3
SPEAKER_00
When I said that, I didn t mean anything unethical.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s like, I don t think or really care if I have access to any of, like, financial stuff or personal stuff, but, like, let me put it in perspective for you, like,
3
SPEAKER_00
We found, okay, so it s like, last time this thing was turned on was 2015, and it s got old, the old Instagram app.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, it s got fucking, it has Flappy Bird on it.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay, by the way, iPhones with Flappy Bird on them actually sell for a lot of money if you wanna.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s what I m saying.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
So, you re gonna take a picture of your cock and make it the wallpaper and then give it back to him?
3
SPEAKER_00
I think he would probably find that funny, but I m not going to do that because of legal ramifications.
3
SPEAKER_01
What is it about, in the limited information you have about this man, how did you come to the conclusion that he would find that funny?
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay, I mean, it s not like me and my partner looked around for specific stuff on this phone.
3
SPEAKER_00
But like, just scrolling through his photos, like, he took, like, nudes with his friends.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, just nudes with his friends.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, there s a picture of some guy s ass on it.
3
SPEAKER_01
Listen, can I just say something to you?
3
SPEAKER_01
This is not a judgment on you.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay, okay.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s really not, because I would do the same thing if I found an old fucking iPhone, because I m nosy and curious.
3
SPEAKER_01
I would do the same thing.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
This is not a judgment.
3
SPEAKER_01
This is not a judgment.
3
SPEAKER_01
But if you re going to go through the guy s photos and his life and his thing, just stop being holy about it.
3
SPEAKER_01
You re doing it, it s fine.
3
SPEAKER_01
But just stop being like- I am doing it.
3
SPEAKER_01
Just stop being like, we re not going to do anything unethical.
3
SPEAKER_01
We re just going to go through his photos and his bank accounts and his WhatsApp.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, dude, no.
3
SPEAKER_01
When I say it, when I- It s okay.
3
SPEAKER_01
Again, it s not just just do it.
3
SPEAKER_00
Don t you don t have to be like cool about when I say I m not gonna do anything unethical I mean like I m not gonna like rob the guy and like send all of his money to like a Bitcoin account or something Okay.
3
SPEAKER_01
Anyway, alright, so you were looking at pictures of this guy s penis on his phone Yeah, his ass Yeah, and no, it s really interesting.
3
SPEAKER_00
So like he s um, I
3
SPEAKER_00
We had no idea who this guy was.
3
SPEAKER_00
He had nothing to do with the skateboarding company that he, uh, that we bought it from.
3
SPEAKER_00
But I m assuming that he was at one of their events.
3
SPEAKER_00
Cause like we found his license in the car too, which is just really weird.
3
SPEAKER_00
Anyway, we looked him up on Instagram by like finding out what it is like current, like, like looking up what his past accounts were.
3
SPEAKER_00
And like, I just found him tagged in a post and he s been posting like car and skateboard content for like the past 10, 15 years.
3
SPEAKER_00
So like, yeah, it s like definitely the same guy.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I looked at a video from like nine years ago on his account.
3
SPEAKER_00
And there s a video where like the same van that we have today is in it.
3
SPEAKER_00
And it s crazy.
3
SPEAKER_01
Nice man.
3
SPEAKER_01
So I mean, so this guy s not dead.
3
SPEAKER_00
No, he s he s he s alive.
3
SPEAKER_00
And he s he definitely lives in California.
3
SPEAKER_00
And who knows?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I just figured, you know, if I was this guy, like I would totally want a phone that I had like 10 years ago.
3
SPEAKER_00
God only knows how he lost it on airplane mode, like in the van, but yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
Uh, when you hand it back to him, are you going to tell him that he has a nice penis that you saw on his phone photos?
3
SPEAKER_00
I should totally tell him that.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, no, that, Oh shit.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s another weird thing is like, you know, it was at a battery when we found it, we plugged it in.
3
SPEAKER_00
It was crazy that it worked cause this penis fucking shattered and, uh, there was no password or anything on it.
3
SPEAKER_00
So just like for future reference, like,
3
SPEAKER_00
always keep a passcode on your phone or else some rando will find it 10 years later and then always keep a passcode on your phone or else some weird guy might look through your yeah some weird guy notes yeah and then you ll call a gecko about it and like tell the whole world um so i still want to we got
4
SPEAKER_00
to address this.
4
SPEAKER_00
You claim that you want to do something funny with the phone before you give it back.
4
SPEAKER_00
What are some of your ideas for this funny thing you want to do?
4
SPEAKER_02
I was hoping you would have ideas, to be honest.
4
SPEAKER_00
I have no ideas at all.
4
SPEAKER_00
Something funny.
4
SPEAKER_00
Something funny.
4
SPEAKER_00
Alright, I got one.
4
SPEAKER_00
Go into his voice memos and record a fart.
4
SPEAKER_00
Dude, I think I ll do that.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then make all the ringtones farts.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s kind of, that s a little funny.
4
SPEAKER_02
I ll record myself farting into the mic, like with my voice, and I ll change it to like, I ll record a different fart for everybody who calls them.
4
SPEAKER_02
I think that would be smart.
4
SPEAKER_00
Do you have a job?
4
SPEAKER_00
Do you have like, what do you do all day?
4
SPEAKER_00
I m in my job right now.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I work in accounting.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s cool.
4
SPEAKER_00
So how s the van life?
4
SPEAKER_02
The van life?
4
SPEAKER_02
We haven t got to that yet.
4
SPEAKER_02
I mean, like, oh, what is the van like?
4
SPEAKER_02
Is that what you said?
4
SPEAKER_00
No.
4
SPEAKER_00
How is van life for you?
4
SPEAKER_00
How is it going?
4
SPEAKER_02
Oh, I m not I am not doing that yet.
4
SPEAKER_02
My lease is going to be up in like November this year, though.
4
SPEAKER_02
And, you know, it s been it would be pretty hard to live in a van considering the whole situation up until this weekend anyways.
4
SPEAKER_02
Um, yeah, I am.
4
SPEAKER_02
I currently live in a BMW.
4
SPEAKER_02
Um, and I m hoping just like travel around.
4
SPEAKER_02
Um, you live in a BMW.
4
SPEAKER_02
No, in the PNW, in the Pacific Northwest.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh, I m dumb.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay, I thought... Okay, this definitely... This has PNW energy written all over it.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s kind of where the valence... Oh my god, shit, you re right.
4
SPEAKER_00
...is a thing.
4
SPEAKER_00
So when are you expecting to get all the mold out of there?
4
SPEAKER_00
Or are you even gonna get rid of it?
4
SPEAKER_00
It sounds like you re sentimental about it by now.
4
SPEAKER_02
Oh no.
4
SPEAKER_02
I mean, like, I kissed the mold goodbye first before I blew it away.
4
SPEAKER_02
and vacuumed it.
4
SPEAKER_02
Um, but yeah, no.
4
SPEAKER_02
Um, so this, yeah, no, the mold is all out.
4
SPEAKER_02
It s just like, I got to build the thing now.
4
SPEAKER_02
It s kind of scary.
4
SPEAKER_02
Cause I got to like cut a hole in the ceiling to put a ventilation fan in.
4
SPEAKER_02
And like, there s just a lot of like handyman type work you got to do to do this thing.
4
SPEAKER_02
And I have never done it in my life.
4
SPEAKER_02
Hmm.
4
SPEAKER_00
Um, well, what, how s your partner?
4
SPEAKER_00
What does your partner have any ideas of how you can, uh, fuck with this poor guy who left his life in your hands?
4
SPEAKER_02
No, unfortunately she doesn t know about it.
4
SPEAKER_02
No, she knows about it.
4
SPEAKER_02
She absolutely does.
4
SPEAKER_02
I actually told her like, don t message a guy yet.
4
SPEAKER_02
Cause I want to know if like the therapy gecko or the people of the geck nation.
4
SPEAKER_02
have any ideas of what to do with this poor man s device.
4
SPEAKER_00
What s your partner s deal?
4
SPEAKER_00
What s she do?
4
SPEAKER_00
Or he?
4
SPEAKER_02
She works in an office.
4
SPEAKER_02
She, you know, similar stuff to me.
4
SPEAKER_02
I just clerical work.
4
SPEAKER_02
But it was kind of her idea to do the Van Life thing.
4
SPEAKER_00
Do straight people do partner?
4
SPEAKER_00
What s the deal with that?
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, no.
4
SPEAKER_02
Well, at least I do.
4
SPEAKER_02
saying girlfriend or boyfriend forever just sounds like really like childish to me so like you know it s like i m not at the stage where we re like married but i feel like partner is just a better word what happened to significant other that s too many syllables man yeah i guess all right that s a legitimate argument sure i feel that um yeah i guess you know how old are you i m 23
4
SPEAKER_00
You re 23.
4
SPEAKER_00
You can have a girlfriend at 23.
4
SPEAKER_02
No, I mean, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_02
I mean, I kind of flip back and forth between calling her my girlfriend or my partner.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t know why we re living together.
4
SPEAKER_00
All right.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s fair.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m sorry.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t know why I m... No, that s OK.
4
SPEAKER_00
I have no reason to yell at you.
4
SPEAKER_02
Maybe you feel bad because if it was your phone, you would just like...
4
SPEAKER_02
want it like sent back to you with all the ass pictures and everything.
4
SPEAKER_00
Well, if it was my phone, that would be bad.
4
SPEAKER_00
Good thing you have a password.
4
SPEAKER_00
What s your name again?
4
SPEAKER_02
I assume you have the password.
4
SPEAKER_02
My name s Seamus.
4
SPEAKER_00
Seamus, is there anything else you want to say to the people at the computer before we go?
4
SPEAKER_02
No, wait, but I did want to ask you a question.
4
SPEAKER_02
Just a real quick question before I go.
4
SPEAKER_02
Where are you from?
4
SPEAKER_00
Where am I from?
4
SPEAKER_00
I feel like you re trying to hack into my bank account.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t trust you.
4
SPEAKER_02
No, no, no, no.
4
SPEAKER_02
But like, my main question is like, are you from Chicago?
4
SPEAKER_00
Um, why do you want to know if I m from Chicago?
4
SPEAKER_02
I wanted to ask, I don t know what your, what accent you have, but like, I wanted to ask if you put ketchup on your hotdogs, that s all.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, of course I put ketchup on my hotdog.
4
SPEAKER_02
Oh, thank God.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_02
Okay, tight.
4
SPEAKER_00
What do you, now I feel like you re using that information for something.
4
SPEAKER_02
No, I m not.
4
SPEAKER_02
Do you want me to?
4
SPEAKER_00
You know what, yes, I do want you to.
4
SPEAKER_00
I want you to use that information for something.
4
SPEAKER_00
I want you to find a way to use the information that I put ketchup on my hot dogs for something positive, not, don t use it to hurt someone.
4
SPEAKER_02
I will use it to make the world a better place.
4
SPEAKER_00
Honestly, honestly, if you can find a way to use the information that I like ketchup on my hot dogs to hurt someone, do that too.
4
SPEAKER_00
I can t, my imagination, maybe your imagination is,
4
SPEAKER_02
My imagination isn t good.
4
SPEAKER_02
I couldn t even, I couldn t even figure out something funny to do with the guy s phone.
4
SPEAKER_02
Now I got to record these parts.
4
SPEAKER_00
No, I m still here.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m just thinking, um, all right.
4
SPEAKER_00
Well, you re who I now think everyone in Portland is.
4
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_02
Hi.
4
SPEAKER_00
Is there anything else you want to say to the people at the computer before we go?
4
SPEAKER_02
No.
4
SPEAKER_02
You have a good day, Gecko.
4
SPEAKER_00
Hey, you too, man.
4
SPEAKER_00
Take care.
4
SPEAKER_00
Thank you.
4
SPEAKER_00
Say hello to the phone guy for me.
4
SPEAKER_02
I will.
4
SPEAKER_02
I will.
4
SPEAKER_00
Later.
4
SPEAKER_02
Bye.
4
SPEAKER_01
Hello?
4
SPEAKER_00
Hello?
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh my god, is this the Geck?
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, who is this?
4
SPEAKER_01
My name s Darius.
4
SPEAKER_00
Darius?
4
SPEAKER_00
How s it going, Darius?
4
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_01
I am... amazing right now.
4
SPEAKER_01
How are you?
4
SPEAKER_00
I m okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m hanging in there.
4
SPEAKER_00
What s, uh, what s going on with you, Darius?
4
SPEAKER_01
Uh, you know, not much.
4
SPEAKER_01
Just in the middle of... I guess I just finished washing my face, but... Yeah, I mean... I guess we can talk about what I texted in about.
4
SPEAKER_00
Go ahead.
4
SPEAKER_01
Alright, so... Uh... How do I start?
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay, so...
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t know, this is like two, two issues ago.
4
SPEAKER_01
I was seeing this girl and I d been seeing her for like two weeks or so, you know, and then one night I came over and then she had to leave early for work.
4
SPEAKER_01
And so I stayed and slept, you know, just didn t get up.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then I wake up, like I ended up going to the bathroom in my dream, which you know, is a trap as always, but
4
SPEAKER_01
So I did that and I woke up and I was like, oh shit, you know, I just pissed the bed.
4
SPEAKER_01
And so yeah, um, sorry, this is really cool.
4
SPEAKER_01
Um, anyways, I woke up and I m like, shit, what am I going to do?
4
SPEAKER_01
Cause this is like fucking weird.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like two weeks in, I didn t piss the bed since I was like 12.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then, so I, I just grabbed your sheets and like, was like, Hey, I spilled orange juice on your sheets.
4
SPEAKER_01
And cause I always had a bottle of orange juice on me around that time for some reason.
4
SPEAKER_01
But anyways, I was like, Hey, I spilled orange juice on your sheets.
4
SPEAKER_01
Um, come here and take them and wash them.
4
SPEAKER_01
And she s like, Oh, okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
You don t have to do that.
4
SPEAKER_01
I was like, no, I m going to, I m going to do that.
4
SPEAKER_01
You know, it s, uh, I feel bad if I don t take care of it.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then, so she s like, okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
And so this happened, I got her sheets back to whatever.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then so.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Two weeks later... So you pissed a girl s bed?
4
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
And how did she respond to that?
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, she didn t like know at first.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then like two weeks later, she made like a comment, like a joking comment, like that somehow related to that.
4
SPEAKER_01
She s like, oh yeah, like what if you pissed my bed or whatever.
5
SPEAKER_03
And then, so like, I thought I d gotten away with it.
5
SPEAKER_03
And then, so like, I had this nervous look on my face and kind of hesitated.
5
SPEAKER_03
And then she was like, you did not, like, did you actually?
5
SPEAKER_03
And then I kind of fessed up to it.
5
SPEAKER_03
So I was like, yeah, like, I pissed your bed, but I took care of it.
5
SPEAKER_03
So it s like, it s all good.
5
SPEAKER_03
And yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
What did she say?
5
SPEAKER_03
What did she say?
5
SPEAKER_03
It was so long ago.
5
SPEAKER_03
She laughed, which is a valid response.
5
SPEAKER_03
And she s like, you re kidding.
5
SPEAKER_03
And I was like, I wish I was.
5
SPEAKER_03
This is really embarrassing.
5
SPEAKER_03
And then, yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
How long did you continue to date her after this?
5
SPEAKER_03
Oh, we re still dating now.
5
SPEAKER_03
So, I mean.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh, well, fucking Jesus.
5
SPEAKER_00
All right.
5
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, you know.
5
SPEAKER_00
See, that s not- that s really like what you want out of a relationship, I think, is somebody who you can piss their bed.
5
SPEAKER_00
Some people like it when you piss their- some people like it when you pee on their face, actually.
5
SPEAKER_00
There s a whole website for people who, um, who are, like, trying to find somebody to do that to them.
5
SPEAKER_00
Um... Alright, so you re still dating this- you see- you- okay, because you teed this shit up like it was your, um...
5
SPEAKER_00
You know, it was, it was, this was just some girl.
5
SPEAKER_00
This is, you ve been dating this girl for two years.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s pretty great.
5
SPEAKER_00
How many more times in the two years have you pissed her bed?
5
SPEAKER_03
There was one, well, there s one night I almost peed my bed.
5
SPEAKER_03
Like I drank way too much water and then it was just like leaking.
5
SPEAKER_03
But that didn t really count, I guess.
5
SPEAKER_03
It almost happened.
5
SPEAKER_03
I think it almost happened one more time since then.
5
SPEAKER_00
Tell me about that.
5
SPEAKER_00
Wait, so, so, uh, uh, how s the relationship going?
5
SPEAKER_00
Is it going good?
5
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, it s really good.
5
SPEAKER_03
I d say.
5
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_00
Has she ever pissed the bed?
5
SPEAKER_03
No, she almost sharted one time though.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh, okay.
5
SPEAKER_00
How would you react if she sharted?
5
SPEAKER_03
I thought it was funny.
5
SPEAKER_03
I was really hoping she did because like she tried to fart and then she like jumped up out of the bed like, oh my God, I gotta go to the bathroom.
5
SPEAKER_03
I was like, oh, no way.
5
SPEAKER_03
Did you just start?
5
SPEAKER_03
And she just ran, ran out of the room.
5
SPEAKER_00
Hmm I mean, yeah, that s a good sign of a relationship of is one where you can You guys can piss and shit all over each other And I mean that I m not even saying that in jest.
5
SPEAKER_00
I think that s healthy Yeah, what what else is going on Not much Looking for a new job, but you know
5
SPEAKER_00
There s a sense of comfortability in that.
5
SPEAKER_00
Do you guys ever go to the bathroom with each other?
5
SPEAKER_00
Does she ever sit on your lap while you take a shit?
5
No.
5
SPEAKER_03
I ve tried to convince her to let me pee while she s peeing, but she won t go for that.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s kind of hard to cross streams with a chick.
5
SPEAKER_00
yeah because i like a man and a woman crossing streams i feel like that s that woman would have to be in quite a uh an uncomfortable position yeah i was thinking like she s just sitting on the toilet and then like kind of like man spreads a little bit and i
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh, okay.
5
SPEAKER_00
Actually, that s kind of interesting.
5
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_00
So she sits, you stand and she leaves.
5
SPEAKER_00
There s like a, but you have to have a very precise aim or else you re just going to like start peeing out into her vagina.
5
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s cool though, man.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s a fun date idea.
5
SPEAKER_00
Next time, next time I Google, next time I Google, um, next time I Google exciting date ideas in New York, I want to see pissing on each other on the list.
5
SPEAKER_03
I hope so too.
5
SPEAKER_03
I hope we can make that happen.
5
SPEAKER_00
What s your name again, sir?
5
SPEAKER_00
It is Darius.
5
SPEAKER_00
Darius.
5
SPEAKER_00
Darius, how did you feel about this phone call?
5
SPEAKER_00
Do you have any, I want to start doing like, you know how you do a customer service line and then they re like, stay on the phone for a survey.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m going to start doing that, but just, um, it s on the actual, the person who gave you customer service just asks you.
5
SPEAKER_00
And so you can t, you have to lie to them and say it was good.
5
SPEAKER_00
What, what would you, any pointers, any thoughts, feelings, sentiments?
5
SPEAKER_00
No.
5
SPEAKER_00
Is this your time to provide feedback?
5
SPEAKER_03
Nah, it was great.
5
SPEAKER_03
I mean, I was a little shook up because I wasn t expecting the call, but yeah, I mean, it was great.
5
SPEAKER_03
I have no, no pointers that I can think of at least.
5
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_00
Well, um, Darius, you seem like a nice guy.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m glad that your relationship s working out and, um, you know, I m excited for your wedding day where you can really just consummate that marriage with a, uh, uh, just eating her shit full on.
5
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, we ll try to make something wild happen that day.
5
SPEAKER_00
Take care, Darius.
5
SPEAKER_00
You too.
5
SPEAKER_02
Hello?
5
SPEAKER_00
Hi, what s your name?
5
SPEAKER_02
Hey, my name s Miranda.
5
SPEAKER_00
How old are you, Miranda?
5
SPEAKER_02
I am 28.
5
SPEAKER_00
How s life?
5
SPEAKER_02
You know, it s going pretty good.
5
SPEAKER_02
I feel like I m doing a lot for my age, though.
5
SPEAKER_02
I guess in kind of like weird ways.
5
SPEAKER_02
Um, I guess like a little background story.
5
SPEAKER_02
So I told you that like, so I got into playing Sims recently.
5
SPEAKER_02
It s a big thing right now.
5
SPEAKER_02
Uh, right.
5
SPEAKER_02
So, uh, I usually do that when I m high, but I recently stopped doing THC.
5
SPEAKER_02
Um, just like personal reasons.
5
SPEAKER_02
I feel like my sleep s not as great.
5
SPEAKER_02
I feel like I can t like,
5
SPEAKER_02
function as well, you know, like, you know, all the, all the things that go along with that.
5
SPEAKER_02
Right.
5
SPEAKER_02
Um, but yeah, so basically like me and my husband, we both have like adult jobs and we bought a house and he s a manager.
5
SPEAKER_02
I m like in charge of people and we re both like 28 and I m like, I feel like sometimes I wish I could just like slow down, you know, have like a, a normal life, normal things to,
5
SPEAKER_02
worry about, you know what I mean?
5
SPEAKER_00
I m confused.
5
SPEAKER_00
Uh, you say that you, all right, you re married.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s great.
5
SPEAKER_00
You have a job.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s great.
5
SPEAKER_00
What about your life?
5
SPEAKER_00
Do you feel to be so, uh, abnormal?
5
SPEAKER_02
I guess like, I just wish that like, sometimes like we could have slowed down and like, you know, enjoyed our twenties a little bit.
5
SPEAKER_02
Cause we both just like graduated college and just kind of like,
5
SPEAKER_02
hit the ground running and we were like, okay, what else?
5
SPEAKER_02
What else?
5
SPEAKER_02
What else?
5
SPEAKER_02
What else?
5
SPEAKER_02
You know what I mean?
5
SPEAKER_02
So like, we ve just been like checking off all these boxes and not really like taking time to like slow down and like enjoy our twenties before kids and all of the things, you know what I mean?
5
SPEAKER_02
So it feels like we ve kind of almost wasted that time that we had.
5
SPEAKER_00
Do you have kids?
5
SPEAKER_00
Does that make sense?
5
SPEAKER_02
No, not yet.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh, well then what the go to quit your job and move to Thailand.
5
SPEAKER_00
He gives a fucking shit.
5
SPEAKER_00
What are you?
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, okay, so I mean, I mean, yeah, I mean, no, you know, you re not Yeah, if you don t have kids you can do whatever you want Kind of if you don t have kids you can do whatever.
5
SPEAKER_00
I mean you see some people abandon their kids which I
5
SPEAKER_00
Mean you can you can do that.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s an option available to you as a human being but some people think that that s not cool And they have a legitimate argument when they say that but you can do it What was I gonna say just now I was gonna say something don t wait Okay, you said you Get specific with me here Miranda.
5
SPEAKER_00
What exactly do you want to do?
5
SPEAKER_00
Because I understand the idea of like a
5
SPEAKER_00
vague longing right, but the more if you if you Swat away the fog of that vague longing maybe you ll find a Specific thing that you want to do and maybe after that you ll realize oh, I actually Can do this you know so so wipe away the smoke for me here real quick?
5
SPEAKER_00
What s what s the what are some actual things you want to do that you feel like?
5
SPEAKER_00
You cannot do well
5
SPEAKER_02
I guess, like, my biggest thing is I just, like, I guess, like, I just feel all these outside pressures from, like, family and friends.
5
SPEAKER_02
So, like, that s kind of what I mean about, like, putting life into perspective.
5
SPEAKER_02
And I feel like we kind of, like, wasted the time that we had, like, in our earlier 20s, like, not traveling and, like, just saving money and,
6
SPEAKER_01
like being super cautious about everything all the time versus like, you know, quitting our jobs and moving to a city and enjoying life and meeting people and creating our own like kind of way.
6
SPEAKER_01
We just both kind of fell into that cookie cutter, like graduate college, be successful, get a house, start a family.
6
SPEAKER_01
But like now that we ve graduated college and we ve got a house, like now our family is kind of like pressuring that like whole, like, okay, when are you going to start?
6
SPEAKER_00
Like your, like your, like your parents?
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah, like, just, I mean, especially like my in-laws and stuff.
6
SPEAKER_00
Tell your parents to fuck off, man.
6
SPEAKER_00
You re, hold on, hold on.
6
SPEAKER_00
I, look, I get it.
6
SPEAKER_00
Everyone has different relationships with their family, but like, dude, you have, you have money, right?
6
SPEAKER_00
You have a job, you have money.
6
SPEAKER_00
You sound like you have an adult job that pays you adult money.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
So like, that s the hard part is like, it kind of goes beyond like just our parents too.
6
SPEAKER_01
Cause like, we re still refining it.
6
SPEAKER_00
Do your parents, do your parents, do your parents give you money still?
6
SPEAKER_01
No, no.
6
SPEAKER_00
Listen, if you pay your water bill, you if you pay your water bill, you can tell your mom to go fuck herself.
6
SPEAKER_00
That s that s what being an adult is.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, no, I get it.
6
SPEAKER_01
That s kind of what we re that s kind of what we ve been doing is just like, hey, like, we re not we don t even think we want to do that.
6
SPEAKER_01
Like, we ll do it on our own terms type thing.
6
SPEAKER_01
But like, it s just kind of increasingly getting harder to, like, make friends as well.
6
SPEAKER_01
Especially like,
6
SPEAKER_01
going because my husband will be 30 this year and I ll be 29 this year.
6
SPEAKER_01
A lot of our friends, especially friends that we meet in our community, have kids around our age.
6
SPEAKER_01
The people are around our age and they re starting families and they re starting to have kids.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s almost like they get offended if we say, that s great you re having kids and I ll buy your kid a birthday present.
6
SPEAKER_01
I really think that s something that I want to do.
6
SPEAKER_01
You know what I mean?
6
SPEAKER_01
It s just becoming increasingly harder to
6
SPEAKER_01
meet people and make friendships like where we re currently at.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
Does that make sense?
6
SPEAKER_00
And of course, yeah, definitely makes sense.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s something I struggle with.
6
SPEAKER_00
I m trying to figure out how to make more community in my life.
6
SPEAKER_00
It used to be easy, and now it feels like it requires a lot more thought and attention.
6
SPEAKER_00
But I mean, OK, but I guess, Miranda, you just took me through five different conundrums.
6
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
6
SPEAKER_00
so let s start with I mean, let s just do this one right is like the like pressure from your parents I Mean you you see you sound like a smart person and So you re aware that your parents?
6
SPEAKER_00
Like you re like you re aware.
6
SPEAKER_00
You re the only you and your husband are the only one that have to live your lives right and so who
6
SPEAKER_00
gives any amount of a fuck about the opinion of any other person that doesn t have to live your life.
6
SPEAKER_01
Right.
6
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I guess it just comes from like a place of like, I ve always been like, just such a people pleaser.
6
SPEAKER_01
And so kind of what I mean about like, just kind of putting like time into perspective with your life, like
6
SPEAKER_00
I know I keep saying approaching 30 and like I ve, you know, one day we ll just stay on this particular topic with me because now we re getting older and whatnot.
6
SPEAKER_00
Let s talk about like, like, like it.
6
SPEAKER_00
There s pressure and influence from like people and then specific people like your family and there s like pressure and influence from what is generally societally accepted as the normal life of a certain people of a certain age, right?
6
SPEAKER_00
So I mean just stay with me real quick on the family side of things.
6
SPEAKER_00
What s the block there?
6
SPEAKER_01
I guess like just because I ve always been like
6
SPEAKER_01
I ve always been like a goody two shoes with like my family and I ve always done like what they want me to do.
6
SPEAKER_01
And so like me standing up for myself and like what I want for my life, it like, obviously upsets them, which again, I m learning to not care.
6
SPEAKER_01
But it s like one of those things where I ve just I ve never done that before.
6
SPEAKER_01
So it s uncomfortable to be like, hey, actually, that s not what I want.
6
SPEAKER_01
And I have to like,
6
SPEAKER_01
Be okay with that backlash.
6
SPEAKER_01
Does that make sense?
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
Um, I m, uh, there s no, I, there s no, uh, magical spell that I can put upon you to give you the courage to be okay with that backlash.
6
SPEAKER_00
But, um, I, I think it is, it is a worthy thing to learn how to deal with for sure.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
Alright, so there s that.
6
SPEAKER_00
And then there s, like we talked about, the just general societal pressure for your life to be a certain way at certain ages, which is a legitimate form of pressure.
6
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I guess all these are legitimate, but yeah, it s something everyone fucking thinks about.
6
SPEAKER_00
But again, but it all comes back to the fact that nobody, you know, in the comparatively to like the sun and stuff, we re all little little babies.
6
SPEAKER_00
Right.
6
SPEAKER_00
So.
6
SPEAKER_00
At the end of the day, society doesn t have... At the end of the day, you re the only one that has to live your life.
6
SPEAKER_00
So, what kind of life do you want to live?
6
SPEAKER_00
You wanna travel?
6
SPEAKER_00
Where do you wanna travel to, right?
6
SPEAKER_00
Like, some of these things that you get, you can just find yourself crushed under the weight of this horrible, ambiguous... Boulder?
6
SPEAKER_00
I was gonna say rock, but I like boulder better.
6
SPEAKER_00
um bolder of uh societal expectations and oh i want to do that and just vague feelings but you can actually attack some of those vague feelings by trying to travel a little bit more if you can figure it out with your job do you work remote what do you do
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, so I work from home full time.
6
SPEAKER_01
So that s like another positive.
6
SPEAKER_01
So that was like one thing I changed a couple years ago.
6
SPEAKER_01
My previous office was talking about going back and I was like, I really don t want to do that because I feel like I get way more like out of my afternoons and my weekends because I can do tours while I m at work or do things like this while I m at work.
6
SPEAKER_01
Don t tell my boss that.
6
SPEAKER_01
But you know what I mean?
6
SPEAKER_01
Like, I just I feel like I can stay on top of like the mundane thing.
6
SPEAKER_01
And then I can enjoy the time that I have when I m not working.
6
SPEAKER_01
So what are the mundane things like, you know, like laundry dishes, like all the things that we all do, you know what I mean?
6
SPEAKER_01
Like keeping up with wiping down the kitchen countertops and unloading the dishwasher.
6
SPEAKER_01
You know what I mean?
6
SPEAKER_01
Like,
6
SPEAKER_01
go into the gym a couple of times a week, like that sort of stuff, you know?
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
One of the sacrifices I ve learned this through touring and trying to travel a lot of my own personal life.
6
SPEAKER_00
One of the sacrifices of trying to travel more is that you, uh, you gotta be okay with doing a little bit less laundry than maybe is socially acceptable.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
You know what I m saying?
6
SPEAKER_00
Maybe you wear the same pair of underwear maybe four times in a row is egregious.
6
SPEAKER_00
I ve done that before, but a few days in a row, right?
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I mean, that is like one thing we re like hoping to, you know, change in the upcoming year.
6
SPEAKER_01
Like we both renewed our passports and we booked a trip to Japan and a trip to Europe.
6
SPEAKER_00
Oh, wonderful.
6
SPEAKER_01
All that stuff.
6
SPEAKER_01
So like, we ve both never been out of the country though.
6
SPEAKER_01
So it s going to be a little bit of a shock, I m afraid.
6
SPEAKER_01
But I mean, like I said, we re both always too careful.
6
SPEAKER_01
So I feel like it ll be good for us to kind of like step out and just go explore and check out what, you know, what other places have to offer, you know.
6
SPEAKER_00
Nah, that s gonna be awesome.
6
SPEAKER_00
Alright, so you re already doing it.
6
SPEAKER_00
You don t need a gecko to tell you how to live your fucking life.
6
SPEAKER_00
We re trying.
6
SPEAKER_01
We re doing our best.
6
SPEAKER_01
But yeah, it s just like, I don t know, it s just been something I ve been like, sitting with a lot recently is just like, how do you, not you like specifically, but just like, how does a person, like a young person like, fight those expectations?
6
SPEAKER_01
I mean, it s not
6
SPEAKER_01
It s not that it weighs on me like 24 seven, but you know what I mean?
6
SPEAKER_01
Whenever I go to Thanksgiving and everyone s like, oh, you re married and you have a house and you have a good job.
6
SPEAKER_01
So like, why do you not want kids?
6
SPEAKER_01
And then you have to like explain it to them.
6
SPEAKER_01
And then they still don t understand because obviously they re boomers and that s just the way that they.
6
SPEAKER_00
raises get married have kids start a family but it s just like you should you should take advantage i i think that you should take advantage everything that you have going for you in your life generationally even is like take advantage of it right you re still young you don t have any kids you work from home fucking hack it you know go i mean you re i i don t even you don t even know
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SPEAKER_02
need me to to motivational speech you because you re already doing it you already have the plane tickets booked and the passport and all that stuff so I mean it sounds like you re doing what you want to do so that s that s pretty great yeah it s just a matter of like like I said like I m just like a recovering people pleaser which I m sure a lot of people can relate to so it s just it s like I m doing all these things but at the same time like I feel kind of like not selfish about it but you know what I mean like
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SPEAKER_02
I m just like, should I be doing something else?
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SPEAKER_02
Like, I don t think I should be, but at the same time, like I overthink it sometimes.
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SPEAKER_02
So it s just like, my thing is like, I just don t want to waste time.
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SPEAKER_02
Like, you know, especially like in your younger years.
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SPEAKER_02
And, um, I don t know.
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SPEAKER_02
I just like, I think about the big picture a little too much instead of like just impulsively living life.
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SPEAKER_02
Does that make sense?
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SPEAKER_00
It does.
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SPEAKER_00
It does.
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SPEAKER_00
But, um,
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SPEAKER_00
I don t know why my takeaway from this phone call is that you should do the dishes less.
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SPEAKER_00
Maybe I m just projecting because I want to feel less bad about all the paper plates I ve been using lately.
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SPEAKER_02
I was actually loading the dishwasher when you called, so maybe I ll just wait.
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SPEAKER_00
Miranda, is there anything else you want to say to the people at the computer before we go?
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SPEAKER_02
No, I mean, not really.
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SPEAKER_02
I just make sure, like, the friendships and stuff that you have, like, count.
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SPEAKER_02
If they re not productive, you know, there s no sense in maintaining those and find people that align with your values, you know?
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SPEAKER_00
Have a good rest of the night.
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SPEAKER_00
I wish you good luck on your journey.
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SPEAKER_00
Have fun in Japan and Europe.
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SPEAKER_00
Those are great places.
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SPEAKER_02
Thanks, I will, for sure.
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SPEAKER_00
Enjoy... Wait, we first started talking about this because of The Sims, right?
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SPEAKER_02
Yeah, yeah, I don t know why that like really triggered it, but I just got really stressed like playing The Sims and I was like, oh my God, there s not enough time in the day.
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SPEAKER_02
And then I got to chase these kids to like do their homework and they re failing school now because I m too busy with like everything I m doing or what.
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SPEAKER_02
So I m like, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a second.
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SPEAKER_02
So I don t know.
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SPEAKER_02
I was just, I got way too high one day and I was playing it and it just like all clicked for some reason.
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SPEAKER_02
Um, yeah, anyway, it was just a puzzle piece.
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SPEAKER_02
Yeah, just play it, you know?
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SPEAKER_00
Have a good night, Miranda.
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SPEAKER_02
But yeah, thank you.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah, you know, hey, well here s the thing, you guys ever go on Instagram and you see all those travel influencers who are going all over the place and
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SPEAKER_00
Next time you see a really hot Instagram couple who is traveling all around the world and scuba diving in Greece one day and at the Great Wall of China the next day, just remember, when you look at them, that they have been wearing the same pair of underwear for several days.
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SPEAKER_00
It s important to know.
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SPEAKER_00
Hello folks, it s Lyle here.
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SPEAKER_00
That s the end of this episode, but get this, I m releasing a bonus episode this week.
7
SPEAKER_00
That s right, an entire extra hour of the podcast that you can listen to by becoming a premium member of Therapy Gecko over at therapygecko.supercast.com.
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SPEAKER_00
Supercast subscribers get access to bonus episodes, they get a completely ad-free podcast feed of the regular show, they get recordings from my live shows, members-only streams, and they help support my ability to continue doing this podcast.
7
SPEAKER_00
So, here s a clip from this week s members-only bonus episode.
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SPEAKER_01
and I want to buy something like I feel normal like because I really don t have much money because I m a poor college student so I can find the opportunity to go buy even if it s 79 cents that makes me feel quote-unquote normal.
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SPEAKER_01
It s like
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SPEAKER_01
having him to pay for me or whatever, you know.
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SPEAKER_00
I don t think that sounds backwards at all.
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SPEAKER_00
I completely understand where the happiness of that moment is coming from.
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SPEAKER_00
I don t think you need to climb to Mount Everest or do some crazy thing to feel happy.
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SPEAKER_00
I think the best you can get is really siphoning the beauty and the happiness from something as normal as
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SPEAKER_00
being able to afford a candy bar when you re going out to the gas station with your friends.
7
SPEAKER_00
If you want to hear this full conversation, you can sign up to become a premium member at therapygecko.supercast.com or find the link in the episode description.
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SPEAKER_00
That s therapygecko.supercast.com.
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SPEAKER_00
Alright, I have nothing else to say.
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SPEAKER_03
But he s not really an expert.