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There s abundance of life all around you.
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You can feel the life within you also.
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You re focusing on abundance.
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It s in the law of attraction or nature.
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As you give, it must come back to you in another form.
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Welcome to the School of Greatness.
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My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur.
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And each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness.
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Thanks for spending some time with me today.
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Now let the class begin.
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Welcome to this special masterclass.
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We brought some of the top experts in the world to help you unlock the power of your life through this specific theme today.
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It s going to be powerful, so let s go ahead and dive in.
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I would love to hear your thoughts on your definition of the law of attraction, but also maybe the three habits that you see people doing the most that hurt them from attracting effortlessly using the law of attraction.
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Right.
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Well, the main, uh, mistake perhaps that people make is, uh, not coming from a place of
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fullness but coming from a place of neediness and putting too much attention on what is the undesirable conditions that they want to get rid of, but mentally almost continuously focusing on the undesirable condition like not enough money.
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for example, which is a problem for many people.
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So... So let s use money for the example then, the law of attraction with money.
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How could we attract more wealth or financial abundance in our life using the law of attraction?
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Yeah.
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Well, first of all is the acknowledgement of abundance that is already here and now.
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and not focusing on the lack of abundance that is here now, which you could find by thinking about it, but to actually focus on, where is the abundance that I can find here now?
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And that is all around you.
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It is in nature.
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When you look at the abundance of nature, the multiplicity of life forms, the wonder of nature,
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the abundance of even, or let s say you re in a city, you can look at, appreciate all the things that you see around you.
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You don t need to necessarily own it or buy it, just appreciate it.
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So this first, the appreciation of the goodness of life that is always all around you, even if you have no money, there s still the goodness of life
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is all around you.
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You see it all around you.
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The sunshine, I mean, the sun is the ultimate symbol of abundance because it gives energy of itself almost eternal.
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I mean, eventually the sun will die, but as far as we are concerned, it s virtually eternal.
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it pours out energy continuously.
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At some point, we will realize that even on the level of energy, the universe is infinitely abundant, so we will no longer need
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Things that we re using now, fossil fuels and those things, we have access to other forms of energy that are more helpful.
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But the abundance is all around you.
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Let s say you walk in the city, you re walking past a flower shop, and you look at, wow, such beauty, appreciation.
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even to seeing a beautiful man or woman, or nice, or even a beautiful car.
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Oh, I love that.
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But why don t I have that car?
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Why does he have that car?
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It s all egoic, much narratives that make you unhappy to appreciate.
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Nature, of course, is very powerful.
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And then you to appreciate
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the aliveness in your body that you re breathing and you can actually feel that your body, many people can t feel that.
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I call it the inner body awareness.
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You feel that every cell of your body is pervaded with a sense of aliveness, energy, and you can feel that.
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That is abundance.
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So there s abundance of life all around you.
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You can feel the life within you also.
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And so, some people call that gratitude.
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I call it more appreciation, the appreciation of the abundance of life that is always around you.
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That s a wonderful starting point.
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So, you re not focusing on lack.
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You re focusing on abundance.
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And even when you don t have any, if you feel like you don t have anything, you can find abundance around you.
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Yes, always.
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Acknowledge it, the good things of life.
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Acknowledge, but even the seemingly insignificant things, like when I look out of the window, sometimes this tree is out here.
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Right now, I can look out.
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I can see there s a slight breeze, and the branches are swaying slightly in the wind.
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It s beautiful.
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And there s the tree in all its majesty, and still as it s been there for a hundred years.
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And that s wonderful.
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I don t need to own that tree.
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I mean, owning in that sense is ultimately a bit meaningless anyway.
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Yes, I own this house where I am right now, but at some point I ll be gone.
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And so what does it mean?
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the house, somebody else will own the house.
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Ownership is secondary.
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I m not saying that ownership sometimes can give stability to your life on a practical level, but there s something more important.
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So this appreciation, or if you want to call it gratitude,
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Some people recommend, I think Oprah said that she has had for many, many years a notebook or journal where she writes down every day things that she s grateful for.
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And these are usually seemingly insignificant things, but it s important not to overlook that.
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And I don t think she s writing down
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I m grateful that I have a private jet, or I m grateful that I have $2.5 billion in the bank.
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She writes down the small things.
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I m grateful for my garden.
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I m grateful I get to plant a flower today.
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I m grateful that I get to go on a walk with my friends.
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I m grateful that I woke up today.
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Yes, yes, yes.
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The next thing is, the second thing, you could say, is giving.
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to give energy to other people.
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Appreciation itself is already a form of sudden outflow of energy.
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When you appreciate this tree of beauty, there s an energy connection with the tree.
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The consciousness connects you with the tree.
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kindness is part of giving.
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Kindness to another person, not because you want anything from that person, but because it feels so good to have this sense of, we could call it, goodwill that flows out of you towards another person.
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Even if you just hold the door open for somebody, or it s a remark, or it s lovely, I love your dress, or whatever you say, if it s genuine,
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or to say an encouraging word to somebody, or to whatever it may be, a smile, a smile at somebody.
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Even that is a form of giving.
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This connection with another.
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Kindness is a very powerful thing.
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So you are giving.
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You re not, the more you give,
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that it s in the law of attraction or nature.
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As you give, it must come back to you in another form.
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But it doesn t work if you give out of obligation that you feel you should be giving, or it needs to be a genuine sense of wanting to give and feeling how good it feels to give.
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Not because mentally you feel you always need to help people because otherwise you don t think of yourself as a good person or something.
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That s all mind stuff.
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But to experience
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how good it feels to give.
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So we have on the one hand appreciation, gratitude and appreciation are kind of the same thing.
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Giving every day in whatever form.
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And the next thing is, that s obviously
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Jesus already in one sentence, one could say, told us the essence of manifesting and how it works.
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And he said, whenever you pray for something that you want, believe that you already have it and it will be given to you.
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There s the key.
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Now the important thing is he did not say, believe that you will have it.
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He said, believe that you already have it.
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Now this may not be immediately clear to people, how do I do that?
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How do I believe that I already have it?
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when I know that I don t have it.
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Right, right, right.
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How do you get that belief of having it before knowing, feeling, tasting, smelling the thing that you want?
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Yes, so you feel the thing.
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It is already a mental reality in your mind.
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How do you feel?
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now that you have it in your mind, how does it feel?
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And this feeling is really where the power of manifestation lies.
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But what is that feeling?
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Because that feeling of having it already and feeling this deep sense of satisfaction is really connecting with the deeper power within yourself.
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It is the power where all
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or sense of aliveness originates there, it s a deeper sense of aliveness that comes from consciousness itself.
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So you might believe it might differ from person to person.
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One person might think, okay, what I want is a
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a big house overlooking the ocean or whatever, and then you feel yourself, you re already there experiencing that.
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Another person might think, well, what I want is to have a
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this great company that does good things in this world, and how does that feel?
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But you might find that the feeling is actually basically always the same, whether your mind says, what s a house overlooking the ocean?
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Now why?
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Or the other person says, well, this is the company that I m the head of that s doing great things in this world.
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The feeling is basically the same feeling, and the feeling is a feeling of fullness of life.
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Yes.
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Of completeness.
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That is power.
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So when you feel this feeling of fullness and then you associate it with a mental image, that is the power of manifestation there.
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But the feeling itself is beyond the mental image and is beyond whatever form you are able to manifest in this world, because that is the feeling.
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the inherent sense of aliveness that comes when you go deeper into yourself and experience the presence that you are.
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To know yourself as the presence is inherently joyful and powerful.
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To know yourself as so
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And that is you manifest from a place of fullness, not from a place of lack.
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The fullness is already there.
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And that also means if for some reason it doesn t manifest, because not everybody s desires manifest,
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I mean, I don t know if it s still happening.
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L.A., for example, if you go to any good restaurant in L.A., it s more than likely that the waiter or waitress will act as waiting for their big breakthrough.
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It s just not possible for so many people to have the big breakthrough in LAS actors.
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Some may do, a few may do, but most probably won t.
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But they probably have other breakthroughs that perhaps are much more important than what their ego tells them is important.
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And to add to that, I love this, what you re sharing here, because I want people to really feel this and understand this and embrace it.
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Because when we try to manifest from lack,
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It s going to be this needy energy, which was your first point that kind of kills the dream of the law of attraction.
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And when we manifest from a place of fullness, like you spoke of, like feeling a feeling of fullness, wholeness, excitement, abundance, joy inside of us.
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And if it doesn t happen, if that dream doesn t come to us in the next year or five or 10 years, then we ve lived a full, rich life every moment.
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till that moment.
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Like we ve, we ve lived a full year of feeling excited and passionate and good about ourselves.
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And that energy is magnetic.
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You will draw in great people, partners, relationships, opportunities that maybe you couldn t have dreamed of because the energy you, you gave into the world, like you talked about.
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And I think that s the big point for me is the dream and the idea that you have, maybe your ego wants, maybe you won t have it.
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But man, you ll live a great, beautiful, rich life in the process of pursuing it.
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Very good point.
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So in other words, the journey is what matters.
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The arriving at some destination is the end point, but it s secondary.
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It s a journey.
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It s always the journey.
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It s always now.
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That s what matters.
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And so sometimes what you wanted to manifest does not happen, but something else manifests that could be even better.
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In fact, in many cases, it s much better than what you have.
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Absolutely.
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Yeah, I always wanted to be a professional athlete, and I played professional football for about a year and a half before I got injured.
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In the injury, I broke my wrist, and I was wearing a cast, and I had a surgery, and I had a cast on for six months.
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And it took about a year and a half for me to use my wrist again from the injury.
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And during that time, I was in a state of
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extreme sadness and a loss and a grief of this identity that I once had and this dream that I once had that I was working so hard for my whole life to manifest, to create.
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And then all of a sudden this injury broke my abilities to do that.
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And I remember thinking, what am I going to do with my life?
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Like, what s the point?
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23, 24 years old.
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I m like, what am I supposed to do now?
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And it led me into this journey that I m on now of doing this interview series and podcast for the last 10 years that I d much rather have this life than the life of a professional athlete now.
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And sometimes, like you said, going back to the beginning of this, if we can accept and surrender in the positive way to see what good can come, it may be challenging in the moment, but it s been a blessing since then.
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Yes, that s a lovely story.
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That s how it actually works.
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And another thing to mention is, let s say you do, let s say you do manifest what it is you wanted to manifest.
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When you come from this place of fullness, you do not have, yes you have an appreciation of what you have achieved, but you don t have an excessive attachment to what you have achieved.
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So let s say you are able to manifest that you have a house overlooking the ocean and you manifest it, there you have it, and one day when you get home you find your house is
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fallen into the ocean, it s gone.
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So the whole thing that you worked so hard for to achieve is suddenly gone.
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But this place of fullness that enabled you to manifest that is still there.
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It s beyond outer forms.
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Yeah, and you feel full in life.
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Maybe there s a moment of sadness during that, but if you re not attached to the physical things you ve manifested, I m sure if I lost my home, I feel like it s a sanctuary.
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It s a beautiful, peaceful space.
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But I ve lived in two bedroom apartments for most of my life, and I felt like those were peaceful places for me.
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I m sure I d be sad for a minute, but then I could also create the sense of fullness in the next space.
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Exactly, and I have this, let s see, for a long time until my 32nd year, my main form of transportation was except other than public transport was a bicycle.
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That s beautiful.
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So I got my driver s license when I was 30, and my first car when I was 32.
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And that was a very… What city were you in?
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What country or city?
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London.
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London and Cambridge I lived at that time.
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And I loved my bicycle.
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I appreciate it.
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I loved it.
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I just looked at it.
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It was standing there.
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And then somebody gave me… I was poor at the time.
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Somebody gave me an older car, and I loved that.
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And
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And then I got a little bit of money.
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I was able to buy the cheapest car I could find.
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It was called Lada.
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It s a Russian make.
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They still make them, but they re a bit better now than they used to be.
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And people would laugh at these cars because they were notorious for breaking down.
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But it was very, very cheap.
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And I bought this.
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And it never broke down.
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I loved that car.
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It never broke down.
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I must admit, very embarrassing on hills because you couldn t
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You were holding everybody up.
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You had to get out and push it.
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Yeah.
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I loved that car.
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And then I eventually left England and I sold it.
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A friend of mine was interested.
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I sold it to him.
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And two or three weeks after I bought it, it broke down and
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and couldn t get repaired anymore.
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It was incredible.
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It s almost because I have this kind of relationship even with so-called inanimate objects.
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I think that even there, there is a glimmer of consciousness in everything.
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Really?
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how you hypnotize yourself for success, what that was like, and I guess just that process.
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Look, I think the vision at a young age wasn t, I wouldn t call it as much, it was the early development of manifestation.
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And it was drawing, I have a self-portrait of myself from when I m 14 years old where it s me, this is no joke, it is me in a matching hat.
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and shoes, like, with a skateboard on the side, all of these, like, this art easel, and then just stacks and stacks of money.
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Really?
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You drew this?
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I hand drew it, right?
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And it s like, the most fascinating aspect is it s this bizarre matching hat to shoes combo, you know?
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And to me,
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Like I always like could feel intuitively the law of attraction really and so Even when I look at like I needed I I was lost at 25 years old when I was like searching for some sort of way to
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I was like a fix to help like redirect me and get me uh re-motivated and refocused and that s why I was looking for a hypnotist right and then I found a hypnotist who was at the Scripps La Jolla hospital and like and so to me I m like okay this is a
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this is like a clinical psychologist hypnotist, this is real, right?
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And so when I got in there.
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Not some stage performer.
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Yeah, and so to me, it was like, when I got in there, I was like looking for like, you know, give me, make me focused on skateboarding so I can win contests, like, you know, whatever my vision was.
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And he immediately did this test and said, you don t believe you were meant to be successful at your subconscious level.
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And so, that s what he discovered after doing some tests.
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And then the initial hypnosis was just reinforcing at the subconscious level that I was meant to be successful, right?
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That I believed that, right?
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How do you learn to believe that if you hadn t believed it until then?
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And look, I would say that I had, I grew it and built it at an early age and was starting to lose it.
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And then he helped.
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So you got it, which made you a professional at 16 and kind of go to the next level, but then somewhere you lost it.
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Right, he reinforced it and then boom, you know, and most recently I went to his house, you know, like a year ago.
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Really?
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Yeah, I went to his house.
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He s like, this hypnotist now is lifelong friend.
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You know what I mean?
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I found him in the Yellow Pages.
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It was pre-internet.
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What s his name?
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The great Dr. George Pratt.
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And so, I ve sent friends there.
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I go see him all the time.
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On my five-year anniversary, he presided over the five-year anniversary of when we renewed our vows.
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But I m like, hey, can you just give me a check real quick?
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I just wanna verify that I m gonna be a billionaire.
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He s like, come on in here.
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He s like, come on, stop it.
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You know that s gonna happen.
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His psychological power, he s like, stop it.
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And it s just like, you re right, Dr. George.
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But look, I think even you know, we were both in think and grow rich that I Had we had shot before we did the initial interview together to give us in the movie.
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No, no you me and you Oh, yeah.
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Yeah.
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Yeah, right and in it was even back then like now I m evolving and getting more intuitive of things being attracted to me but it wasn t till
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In 18, I was in a bit of a, you know, like a bit of a pit of chaos, right?
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Because here s these great plans that I have built that were unfolding.
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2016, it was all coming alive, right?
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Our interview was at peak youthful energy of like, the world is mine.
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I just moved to Beverly Hills, I m having my first child, got my new office in Beverly Hills, like my forever estates, just launched the machine that month, right?
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All of these things, like,
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I m gonna build and sell all these companies still had never done it just the vision the hope everything the energy of what was going to become and and so
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But in 2018, things got sideways, right?
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The energy got sideways.
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How so?
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Was this the NBC show that didn t work out?
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No, this was them talking about ridiculousness going away, right?
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Really?
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And I had built Super Jacket for it to be acquired and it was just like, wow, it s like this entire thing that I ve got built up and this is the first company I m building to sell is going to kind of drift away here.
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And my wife suggested, like, why don t we just watch The Secret?
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Wow.
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And so I m like, you know, like, you know, and I kind of remember The Secret, you know, I sort of, like, remember The Secret.
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And then...
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I mean, the first 15 minutes, it just shifted my being.
2
SPEAKER_01
It shifted my being in a way of thinking, like, stop it.
2
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Look at who you are, what you ve done, and look at the good that has constantly found its way to you.
2
SPEAKER_01
Don t lose sight of that.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I began to practice belief.
2
SPEAKER_01
And literally like a month later, my my internal medicine specialist is talking about meditation.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I m like, I have to meditate.
2
SPEAKER_01
And she s like, Oh, I, in my office, we have this new company that has these meditation pods, the soma dome, right?
2
SPEAKER_01
And I m like,
2
SPEAKER_01
Can I try it out?
2
SPEAKER_01
And inside this soma dome, it s a guided meditation about manifestation.
2
SPEAKER_01
Really?
2
SPEAKER_01
And so, what I started doing in 2018 is I was like, I m not going to like hope for the law of attraction.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m going to begin to practice it.
2
SPEAKER_01
So I would go to sleep every night watching The Secret.
2
SPEAKER_01
So it was the last thing I went to bed.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then when I would get up in the morning, I would get in my dome, right?
2
SPEAKER_01
And I would just, like, think of all the things I wanted to happen, right?
2
SPEAKER_01
And so instead of thinking in 2018, when they were talking about ending ridiculousness, and I was in season 12, I wasn t, I wasn t, I decided I wasn t going to manifest
2
SPEAKER_01
season 13, I kept manifesting walking onto stage introducing season 30.
2
SPEAKER_02
Holy cow, so you weren t thinking about the next season, you were thinking about 20 seasons away.
2
SPEAKER_01
Right, right.
2
SPEAKER_01
And so for me, it then evolved and it literally began, it was like the seas began to part, right?
2
SPEAKER_01
Because what happened is, because I own the production now,
2
SPEAKER_01
I was able to negotiate directly with the head of the network on the unit economics of the show, rather than talent and producing fees.
2
SPEAKER_01
And so we got to a place where we decided from a business perspective, what was best for the network and the ever-changing landscape of linear cable.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I gave him the, I m like, give me the price you want, and then let me go and try to make it happen.
2
SPEAKER_02
Because you used to have a talent feed that was bigger, and then you said, let s work this out.
3
SPEAKER_02
own the entire production, so I understood where all the opportunity was to get it to his cost.
3
SPEAKER_02
And that, it s a nuance now, right?
3
SPEAKER_02
So I negotiated with him on the unit economics, where most, like, even big celebrities and producers are still, like, it s fees, you know?
3
SPEAKER_02
Like, you don t have the ability to get that into depth because you don t understand or own the production company at that level.
3
SPEAKER_02
And so it goes from right there, I got it to his number, we negotiated, and I was getting 30 episode seasons at a time back then, and I said, I can only do this price if we get to 42 episodes, and you gotta pick up multiple seasons.
3
SPEAKER_02
And I was hoping for two, he picked up four.
3
SPEAKER_02
And so it went from thinking that it was,
3
SPEAKER_02
completely like I m gonna have to regroup and like television s over here to like now you re shooting 186, right?
3
SPEAKER_02
And the beauty of it was is I had built the company up to that point.
3
SPEAKER_02
You needed three years of EBITDA to take it to market and sell it.
3
SPEAKER_02
The entire plan was like we gotta get through the third year and take it to market and on the third year they were like we don t think the show s coming back.
3
SPEAKER_02
basically like, okay, that means the production company is going out of business after I was getting ready to take it to market and be my big first win.
3
SPEAKER_02
And instead, that 186 order, I took it straight to market.
3
SPEAKER_02
Now I took it to market, here s the three years in EBITDA, and we have the biggest order in the history of cable television, right?
3
SPEAKER_02
Like that- That s the biggest order?
3
SPEAKER_02
One of the biggest ones, right?
3
SPEAKER_02
Wow.
3
SPEAKER_02
That is how huge that changed.
3
SPEAKER_02
And then what happens?
3
SPEAKER_02
Now they have more episodes, they air more.
3
SPEAKER_02
It gets this new, entirely new life.
3
SPEAKER_02
Then they re like, can we get more?
3
SPEAKER_02
Then by the following year,
3
SPEAKER_02
And keep in mind, at that time, I sold the company.
3
SPEAKER_01
What year is this now?
3
SPEAKER_02
The company was acquired in 2019.
3
SPEAKER_02
And then it was like, it had this explosion.
3
SPEAKER_02
So then it s like, how many can you...
3
SPEAKER_02
Give us and I m like so I went through all time management all aspect cuz keep in mind I m still doing all of this while living super balanced and happy normal life so I could do 250 max 250 in a year yeah, and then I was like but in order to do that like can you pick up two years and then they were like oh
3
SPEAKER_02
No brainer, let s do it.
3
SPEAKER_02
So they then ordered 500.
3
SPEAKER_02
500 Eps?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
3
SPEAKER_02
In two years.
3
SPEAKER_02
In two years, and that put me to 30 seasons, right?
3
SPEAKER_02
So it s like, so, you know.
3
SPEAKER_02
Oh my goodness.
3
SPEAKER_02
So you re visualizing 30.
3
SPEAKER_02
Visualizing 30, and I ll tell you one thing, you know, I actually spent some time with the great Dr. Joey Dispenza, right?
3
SPEAKER_02
And the one thing I heard from him,
3
SPEAKER_02
is this idea of don t try to think it, try to feel it.
3
SPEAKER_02
When you re trying to tap into the quantum field and generate energy in the law of attraction, the things that you are thinking about, think about the feeling.
3
SPEAKER_02
like went through the feeling of like what it feels like to be on stage, welcome to season 30, right?
3
SPEAKER_02
So it s a much more richer sort of existence.
3
SPEAKER_02
So now, now it s like I practice it every single day.
3
SPEAKER_02
I am, I am in, you know, that
3
SPEAKER_02
soma dome meditation pod, like feeling what I want to happen.
3
SPEAKER_02
Wow, seven days a week, almost never miss a day, right?
3
SPEAKER_02
And I track it super extensively.
3
SPEAKER_02
And like, literally, it s like 9796.
3
SPEAKER_02
Like almost every like, like 97% of this entire year, I have been in there just visualizing what I want to happen.
3
SPEAKER_01
So how does someone
3
SPEAKER_01
believe it even though it hasn t happened yet.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I don t love the statement fake it till you make it.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t like it either.
3
SPEAKER_00
But I will put a... I like face it till you make it.
3
SPEAKER_00
I like that too.
3
SPEAKER_00
I would say believe it until you are it.
3
SPEAKER_00
You know that s kind of what neuroplasticity would say.
3
SPEAKER_00
So with neuroplasticity
3
SPEAKER_00
It s psychological work, right?
3
SPEAKER_00
But it s actually not.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s actually physiological work.
3
SPEAKER_00
And so I work with a lot of guys in financial services who, you know, emotional intelligence is a big thing that we need to work on.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I ve had, you know, these people who are very, very successful.
3
SPEAKER_00
genuinely be so frustrated, I don t understand, like, what am I supposed to do?
3
SPEAKER_00
People say I m not nice to them, you know, what am I actually supposed to do?
3
SPEAKER_00
So this is what I say to them.
3
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Imagine you imagine a field of grass and on day one you walk through the field and the grass is high and you know you re sort of flattening as you walk and then you walk there every day until you ve trodden a little path into the grass and then you keep walking there until it becomes like a muddy path then you might lay some paving stones
3
SPEAKER_00
and then you build a proper path.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s what you re doing in your brain when you change any behavior.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I remember when I learned Danish, which was super hard.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I ve mentioned to you that I prefer to eat healthily, but I was literally taking like a can of Coke or like a bag of Maltesers to the Danish lessons.
3
SPEAKER_00
And it was 90 minutes and by about an hour, I would feel so tired and so hungry.
3
SPEAKER_01
Exhausting, isn t it?
3
SPEAKER_00
Exhausting, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m learning Spanish right now, and I m trying to change my language around it, being exhausting and being hard, because I think the more I say that, it s gonna continue to reinforce that it s exhausting and challenging.
3
SPEAKER_01
So I ve been trying the last few months to say, you know what, this is a fun experience, this is an experiment, it s challenging, but it s a good challenge, and I m learning every time, it s hard for me, and it s trying to add a positive reinforcement as opposed to,
3
SPEAKER_01
Man, this is hard because it has been challenging up until now to learn Spanish fluently.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I also think I have this huge expectation, like I m going to be able to speak like a native, you know, Mexican speaker.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I think sometimes we forget how far we ve come, you know.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, acknowledging that is so important.
3
SPEAKER_00
Can I give you a bit of inspiration?
3
SPEAKER_01
Give it to me.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I did eight weeks of lessons.
3
SPEAKER_00
I then went to Denmark for some holidays and I came back and had a lesson and at some point she said, okay great, you know, we re done for now, see you next week and I was like, was that 90 minutes?
3
SPEAKER_00
And so basically, the 90 minutes, I hadn t got hungry, I hadn t got tired, I d got through the lesson, and I realized I ve gone past that tipping point of neuroplasticity.
3
SPEAKER_00
You re at the point where you re digging for gold and you d like to give up.
3
SPEAKER_00
And you just have to get past that point.
3
SPEAKER_00
I know.
3
SPEAKER_01
I feel like I ve been there for like a year.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m genuinely sure this will help you going forward and please let me know if it does.
3
SPEAKER_00
If you think about it like building that pathway, building that brick wall, then
3
SPEAKER_00
You sort of acknowledging that it s physical work sometimes takes away that frustration that you think you should just be getting it and you re not.
3
SPEAKER_00
Because I don t think you would blame yourself in the same way if it was like a sport.
3
SPEAKER_01
No.
3
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
3
SPEAKER_01
Right.
3
SPEAKER_01
But it s like a physical workout.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
Why does it seem like a physical workout when you re just thinking something and speaking and listening?
3
SPEAKER_00
Because it is physical work.
3
SPEAKER_00
You re building a pathway in your brain.
3
SPEAKER_00
You re not just thinking.
3
SPEAKER_00
Thinking doesn t happen without neuronal connections.
3
SPEAKER_00
So you re connecting neurons through synapses, you re myelinating pathways, you know all this stuff.
3
SPEAKER_01
And what does that do to the body when you re doing that to the brain?
3
SPEAKER_00
It s the same as doing a workout.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s using energy.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s using up glucose, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
fascinating which makes you hungry or tired or whatever might be and frustrated at points as well, you know, because because Once you ve made enough
3
SPEAKER_00
synapses and connections and maybe myelinated the pathway.
3
SPEAKER_00
So there s three physiological aspects to neuroplasticity.
3
SPEAKER_00
Myelination is literally just making a pathway a faster pathway.
3
SPEAKER_00
So for example, we have myelinated pathways to snatch our hand out of fire, but we have non-myelinated pathways for pain.
3
SPEAKER_00
Because if you immediately felt the pain, you wouldn t be able to remove yourself from the danger.
3
SPEAKER_00
and what you re doing in your brain now with Spanish is you re connecting up neurons that already exist through synapses, so you re making a new pathway for Spanish.
3
SPEAKER_00
Judging by how hard you re finding it, it s possible that you are in the memory centres of your brain actually inducing neurogenesis, which is
4
SPEAKER_00
embryonic cells becoming fully formed neurons and then connecting up through synapses with established neurons and then maybe getting myelinated.
4
SPEAKER_02
What does that mean?
4
SPEAKER_00
It s, that s really hard work.
4
SPEAKER_00
So in the adult brain.
4
SPEAKER_00
So, you know, children can learn like five languages at the same time, you know, from a young age.
4
SPEAKER_00
And if you do have kids and you want to bring them up bilingual.
4
SPEAKER_02
Oh, I m gonna definitely do that for sure.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
So you have to have a different parent speaking a different language or a different, you know, a grandparent or nanny or whatever, so that they understand.
4
SPEAKER_00
Daddy s English mummy Spanish interesting.
4
SPEAKER_00
Um, otherwise they muddle up the words and that can be that s interesting So yeah, so kids can do that easily because they ve got lots of embryonic neurons there, you know in the first two years of life It s amazing.
4
SPEAKER_00
They go from being completely helpless to walking talking For us it s harder, but it s possible right and I
4
SPEAKER_00
Neurogenesis, which is literally embryonic cells becoming neurons, may not be happening that much in the adult brain, but the synaptic connection is happening a lot.
4
SPEAKER_02
What s interesting, I ve never felt like I ve had a good memory when it comes to books, like things I m reading in school.
4
SPEAKER_02
I think it s because school was so challenging and I always
4
SPEAKER_02
The belief was I was tested poorly and so it just reaffirmed that I wasn t good at it, right?
4
SPEAKER_02
Based on the way that school was created for us.
4
SPEAKER_02
But in sports, I could remember really well, right?
4
SPEAKER_02
So I could remember other things or if I d meet someone and they told me some weird thing about them, like I would remember this, right?
4
SPEAKER_02
And I could remember 10 years later.
4
SPEAKER_02
Something like that.
4
SPEAKER_02
So when it was more physical and active, I felt like I had an incredible muscle memory, right?
4
SPEAKER_02
And I felt like I had incredible wisdom, but I didn t feel like I was smart.
4
SPEAKER_02
I felt like I understood people, but I couldn t remember something I read in a page two seconds ago.
4
SPEAKER_02
Like I would have to repeat reading something over and over again to be like, what just happened?
4
SPEAKER_02
What did I just read?
4
SPEAKER_02
I couldn t comprehend words.
4
SPEAKER_02
but I could connect with people and emotions and movement and things like that.
4
SPEAKER_02
So I m trying to figure out what s that way to learn Spanish through that way.
4
SPEAKER_02
or anything new, because I think one of the greatest parts about life, especially after childhood, is creating new adventures and not staying stuck in the same routine, but having new experiences, new adventures, and learning new things.
4
SPEAKER_02
I love that you like to learn something new every year.
4
SPEAKER_02
I think that s a secret to keeping you young and youthful and looking 31.
4
SPEAKER_02
Thank you.
4
SPEAKER_00
Two things I d like to raise about that.
4
SPEAKER_00
One is that you ve obviously done the work and become very successful, but there are a lot of people who would be stuck in that, I m not smart.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I was stuck in, I m not creative, till I was 35.
4
SPEAKER_00
Starting to give the numbers away, Lewis.
4
SPEAKER_02
Like two years ago.
4
SPEAKER_00
So I was told at high school, because I wasn t good at art, that I wasn t creative.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I completely believed that I wasn t creative.
4
SPEAKER_00
I didn t think I could do anything but be a doctor for the rest of my life.
4
SPEAKER_00
And through a series of events, which probably I am not aware of the complexity of, I woke up one morning and I thought, I never chose to be a doctor, my parents told me to be a doctor.
4
SPEAKER_00
I was told at school I was smart.
4
SPEAKER_00
I was so smart that I didn t just do an MD, I did a PhD as well.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I said to myself that morning, if I m so effing smart, what do I actually want to do?
4
SPEAKER_02
With my life?
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so that was the start of my life.
4
SPEAKER_00
And within a short period of that, I realized I m creative.
4
SPEAKER_00
I might not be able to do a good painting, although I actually can now.
4
SPEAKER_00
So the belief, you know, also changed me.
4
SPEAKER_00
I started doing more art and stuff as well.
4
SPEAKER_00
But, you know, I created a business.
4
SPEAKER_00
I created a new life.
4
SPEAKER_00
I created a home.
4
SPEAKER_00
When I do my cooking, I m creative.
4
SPEAKER_00
I ve even, you know, I mean, there was a time that I looked in the mirror.
4
SPEAKER_00
I had this narrative.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m not a writer.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m not an author.
4
SPEAKER_00
because my PhD was so traumatic, writing it was really the worst thing in my life.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I looked in the mirror and I was like, Tara, you ve got a best-selling, award-winning book that s translated into 38 languages.
4
SPEAKER_00
You are a writer.
4
SPEAKER_02
I know, it s crazy, right?
4
SPEAKER_00
So there s that whole narrative that even you and I have got things in our head which are like, I m not smart, I m not creative.
4
SPEAKER_00
So think about people that haven t had the opportunities that we ve had or who don t know about neuroplasticity.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s why it s my passion and my heart, because I just believe that that s such a key to unlocking things for so many people.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_02
What s your definition of chemistry, connection, and compatibility?
4
SPEAKER_01
All right, so, chemistry to me is the art of getting along flowing with each other, all right.
4
SPEAKER_01
Chemistry can be created, it can be destroyed.
4
SPEAKER_01
Think about it from a team sports perspective.
4
SPEAKER_01
You can put players together and they have to build team chemistry.
4
SPEAKER_01
So, through repetition, through practice, they can get to a point of having chemistry.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yes, some people have instant chemistry, all right.
4
SPEAKER_01
But just as it was instant it can also be broken.
4
SPEAKER_01
Instantly.
4
SPEAKER_01
Exactly, you know.
4
SPEAKER_01
We can start to not get along and not flow with each other very easily.
4
SPEAKER_01
Things can get in the way and again, this happens even in team sports or even in the corporate arena where you have team building exercises but then things happen that destroy the structure of the business.
4
SPEAKER_02
Absolutely, so, that s chemistry.
4
SPEAKER_02
That s chemistry.
4
SPEAKER_02
How important is chemistry?
4
SPEAKER_01
it is still very important.
4
SPEAKER_01
It is not the most important and I say that to mean chemistry has to be in every relationship for it to work and flourish.
4
SPEAKER_01
but it does not set the stage for everything else, all right?
4
SPEAKER_01
Connection sets the stage for everything else.
4
SPEAKER_01
So, basically, if you have connection, you will be able to have chemistry and compatibility.
4
SPEAKER_01
But now, let s talk about compatibility.
4
SPEAKER_01
I believe compatibility is a very logic-based structure of putting two people together.
4
SPEAKER_01
it s also about we re compatible in the sense that we share values, all right.
4
SPEAKER_01
So, again, you can meet someone that you are quote unquote compatible with.
4
SPEAKER_01
You guys share similar values, you guys come from even maybe the same kind of cultures.
4
SPEAKER_01
There can be a lot of things that make you guys compatible on paper.
4
SPEAKER_01
What is real compatibility?
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, to me that is real compatibility so to speak.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s that yes, you guys on paper are a good fit, all right.
4
SPEAKER_01
And you guys should work.
4
SPEAKER_01
But again, without connection it won t matter.
4
SPEAKER_01
So, I would argue that a lot of marriages let s even talk about arranged marriages.
4
SPEAKER_01
Some of them were built on compatibility.
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, this person came from the right family so we like this, they have a good job, they have a good education, they would be a good fit here.
4
SPEAKER_01
They share the same values.
4
SPEAKER_01
But when those two people are really alone with each other it doesn t always hit.
4
SPEAKER_01
Which is why if you go on an online dating site it can match two people together that are compatible on paper.
4
SPEAKER_01
Interesting.
4
SPEAKER_01
But in person it doesn t always play out the same.
4
SPEAKER_01
Because what is missing?
4
SPEAKER_01
The chemistry or more importantly the connection.
4
SPEAKER_02
And sometimes we might be tricked or we feel the spark of chemistry
4
SPEAKER_02
but you may not have connection, is that true?
4
SPEAKER_01
Absolutely, absolutely.
4
SPEAKER_02
So you might say, oh, we re compatible on paper, everything, we have the same values, we want the same things for our life and marriage and kids and where our family s gonna be.
4
SPEAKER_02
We have compatibility, we have chemistry, there s some type of spark here.
4
SPEAKER_02
I feel like, ooh, there s a little something down here that makes me feel special.
4
SPEAKER_01
And we get along and we know the flow of each other.
4
SPEAKER_02
Wow, that s amazing.
4
SPEAKER_02
But you re saying if we can t find true connection or if there isn t connection, can connection be created?
4
SPEAKER_01
No.
4
SPEAKER_01
And so, that s the huge distinction to me with connection.
4
SPEAKER_01
Connection cannot be created nor can it be destroyed.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s either there or it s not.
4
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
4
SPEAKER_01
There s nothing you can do to
4
SPEAKER_01
build connection.
4
SPEAKER_01
You can build a stronger bond, you can create a stronger attachment to each other, but that still doesn t mean connection is there.
4
SPEAKER_01
And you see this play out in situations where you have people who could meet each other right now, have this amazing connection.
4
SPEAKER_01
Something happens where they fall apart, they come back together years later, 10, 20 years later and it s like they never stop talking.
4
SPEAKER_01
it just falls right back into place.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s connection.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s a deeper thing that s occurring there.
4
SPEAKER_01
To me connection is your spirit recognizing its match.
4
SPEAKER_01
It is something that is happening beneath the surface, all right.
4
SPEAKER_01
Which is why many people who have felt connection you can t always explain it.
4
SPEAKER_01
Connection does not always line up with the logic of compatibility.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s not always oh, well, it makes sense because of this.
4
SPEAKER_01
No, no, no, it s just there.
4
SPEAKER_01
You just feel something with this person, you feel drawn to them.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s so much deeper than anything you ve ever felt.
4
SPEAKER_01
And consider this, you can be compatible with tons of people.
4
SPEAKER_01
You can have chemistry with tons of people.
4
SPEAKER_01
You do not feel connection with a bunch of people.
5
SPEAKER_01
Period.
5
SPEAKER_01
If we were to survey people who have felt a connection in their life you d be lucky to find many who can say two times.
5
SPEAKER_01
The majority will say it s a one-time occurrence that has happened to them, all right.
5
SPEAKER_01
And being able to have that again it s very difficult.
5
SPEAKER_01
Now, I don t want anyone listening to be discouraged if they did not end up with the person they had a connection with.
5
SPEAKER_01
I m not saying it s impossible for it to happen a second time.
5
SPEAKER_01
But I will say that if you survey people
5
SPEAKER_01
you will have a hard time fighting that many people that said it happened twice.
5
SPEAKER_00
When does someone know it s connection and not chemistry?
5
SPEAKER_00
Because I feel like you might be tricked.
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We have this incredible connection.
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We understand each other.
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We get each other.
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I can t explain it, but I feel something.
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That feeling might be also chemistry at the same time, right?
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It might be masking if it s really connection or chemistry.
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How do you know if it s true connection over, man, there s this desire, connection, attraction, all these things happening at once?
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One, can you truly be yourself with this person?
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All right.
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Because again, a lot of people they go on these dates they re bringing their representative and the chemistry happens on a surface level with the representatives that both sides are bringing.
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But when you actually show your true self
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Now what happens?
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And a lot of people have not done that with their partner or the person that they re getting to know.
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So, again, you re falling into the hype of the chemistry or the compatibility but you re not discovering true connection being there.
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So, you ve got to be able to be yourself because real connection loves you at the core, all right.
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You can show me all the parts of you I still want you, all right.
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Number two is can we enjoy each other with no distractions, all right.
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Again, what people fail to understand and this can happen with chemistry is that
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we re bonding based off of the activity or the things in our environment.
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Meaning, all right, we love going out together and we do all these fun stuff and we re doing all these things and that s great, all right.
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We know how to have fun together.
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But can we be alone in a room, no TV, no distraction, no phone, just us and still love being with each other?
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A lot of people can t say that.
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A lot of people are only able to be in their relationship and tolerate their partner and I use that word strongly.
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Tolerate their partner because they have enough distractions in their life.
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They have kids, they have work, they have all these other things going on.
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TV, video games, man caves, whatever.
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Exactly, all these things that pull them away from their partner that doesn t allow them to face the fact that no, you really don t like each other at their core.
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Man,
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And so, that is a huge sign of connection.
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That s why like, one thing I suggested in one of my books was go on a road trip.
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And it s just a random suggestion but go on a road trip for at least six hours, no phone, no distraction, just you and them talking.
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will you still be happy after those six hours?
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A lot of people can t make it that far in a car ride with their partner, all right.
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A lot of people cannot be in a room alone with their partner and nothing else to take their attention.
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So, you ve got to really push those boundaries to see what do we really have here if this is really going to be called a connection.
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Right and your fear is are you able to grow together after 10, 15 years?
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Is that one of the main things?
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So, it s...
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you know, it s hard to, you know, you never can look that far ahead, you know, and we don t know what s in store.
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You may not be here tomorrow.
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Exactly.
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It s a concern of can we still give that same energy?
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And it s both sides because again, I m not saying, I m not perfect.
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So, even though I m confident that I could do it,
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what if there s something that throws me off?
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You know, it s just that yes, as time goes on there s that test of really putting your best foot and bringing that same energy that you brought in the beginning.
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Now, again, I think I m holding myself to a higher standard than I think most people do because I think that a lot of people s mentality is well, things change, things are going to be different, it s okay.
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So what?
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You don t go out as much anymore.
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People think like this but they don t realize that s why your relationship is deteriorating.
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I don t want a deteriorated relationship.
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So, when I think about yes, can I be with someone past 10, 15 years if I accept a level of mediocrity?
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Of course, but... We don t want that.
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Exactly, I m saying can we maintain excellence after these 10, 15 years?
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Fulfillment, fun, play.
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Exactly, peace, happiness, joy, all these things.
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Because to me what is the point of being here if we don t have it, if we re not operating at our highest level?
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What about, what about the
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Saying that I hear whether this is a meme or this is women saying this online Maybe you know the line better than me If he can t accept me at my worst, he doesn t deserve me at my best.
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I hate that line
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I absolutely hate it.
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And I hate it because it has turned into validation for not addressing your flaws and issues, all right.
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I agree with it from the standpoint of you ve got to be able to handle your partner s worst moments, all right.
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Because we re going to all have moments, we re going to all fall, we re all going to make a mistake, it s going to happen.
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Over time that s just the way it is.
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But when you are essentially trying to say I have a horrible flaw and you should accept it even when I want to consistently make you deal with it.
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No, that s not going to work for me.
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I can t accept that, that s not okay.
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And so, a lot of people that s what they re turning it into.
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That s if you re not taking accountability and responsibility for growth.
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It s going back to okay, this is where I m at I don t want to address it you just have to accept it and or don t be with me.
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Exactly.
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You know it reminds me of like once upon... I don t know if they still say it but I know at one time people would say arguing is healthy for a relationship, all right.
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I despise that.
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I don t know if I agree.
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I understand that yeah, I just don t like that.
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No, at all.
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Can you communicate with... We don t agree on this but do you have to argue?
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Exactly, that s my thing.
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Disagreement is acceptable, disrespect is not, all right.
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So, disagreement is acceptable, disrespect is not, all right.
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So, my thing is yes, it s okay and even healthy to have disagreements because we have different perspectives, we can bounce ideas off each other, we simply have to know how to navigate that and come to an official decision on things when we have those moments.
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But arguing, arguing says we are being disrespectful.
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Whether our tone is negative, the words that we re using, you know, we re getting loud, we re getting angry, we re basically throwing negative energy at our partner.
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That s not healthy, there s nothing healthy about that.
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But a lot of people will say that because they want to validate the unhealthiness in their relationship.
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They don t want to face the issue of I need to learn how to talk to my partner better.
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I don t want to have to fix my tone.
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Why do I have to watch what I say?
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Because that s what an adult does.
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All right, grow up you know.
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Like, I m sorry to anyone listening to this but that s just real.
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We can t just think it s okay especially with our partners to speak however we want, to throw all kinds of insults, to be disrespectful and think this is okay.
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Because what people are not realizing is
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All it takes is that one really bad argument to plant a seed of negativity that now grows into something worse in the relationship.
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A lot of people s issues are not the issue that they re facing in that current moment.
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It s the culmination of all kinds of things before then.
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It s the build up from that last time you disrespected me or made me feel some kind of way and ever since then I ve resented you.
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And now in this resentment I ve given you an attitude.
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You didn t know what the attitude was about because I didn t communicate clearly.
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Now, you re giving me attitude and now you see how it turns into other things.
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Now, that attitude turns into not having sex with each other.
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that attitude turns into okay, the way that we talk to each other in general.
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Maybe becoming secretive because now we don t feel like dealing with each other anymore.
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And what you don t realize is it started from disrespectful arguing, all right.
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It could also start from some other stuff.
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All right, but arguing is a huge problem for a lot of people and we can t just keep swimming under the rug.
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So, going back to your point about the whole take me at my worst.
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Yes, worst moment.
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You can have a moment.
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Not always like this and once in a while a good attitude.
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Exactly, consistent negative behavior has to be addressed and corrected.
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So arguments are disrespect, but disagreements is okay.
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Is that what you re saying?
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Disagreement is acceptable, disrespect is not.
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Yes, so you can always disagree and you can agree to not agree.
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Or you can, is that right?
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Agree to disagree.
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Yeah, agree to disagree.
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But what I m hearing you say is that arguing, saying what s on your mind in an angry, aggressive way, tearing down a partner is never gonna do anything.
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good for someone.
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Exactly, people have to understand whenever someone feels attacked they will defend themselves.
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Even if they know they re wrong, even if the point you re making is actually solid, the way you re coming at them negates their ability to receive it.
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That s why even me as a speaker my focus has been do I want to be heard or do I want people to receive my message, all right.
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If I want to be heard I can speak however I want, I can be blatant with the insults, I can cut people down, I can just make jokes of everybody s situation because it s just entertainment, I just want to be heard.
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But no, I want people to receive it.
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And if I want people to receive it I have to be more considerate, more compassionate, I have to check my tone, I have to be careful with my words.
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And that s why people watch my videos they see I try to be very careful with my words because I want you to receive what I m saying.
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So, if we re in a relationship we have to take that approach.
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If you want them to hear you be mindful of how you re talking to them.
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Why is it so hard for people?
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Because again, they don t want to face the... Or they don t want to do the work of correction, all right.
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And the work of correction can entail the healing and again, facing those issues.
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It s also conditioning.
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If people have been brought up in households and environments where this is how they talk to each other
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It s very... Yeah, it s foreign to now speak in a more loving and positive way.
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It s foreign to sit and be quiet and listen, all right.
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So, now they have to reprogram themselves and that s a lot of work.
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And I think also the acceptance of the way you re communicating is wrong.
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People don t like to face that they were wrong.
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they don t want to have to accept that.
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So, it s no, I have to dig an even deeper hole and stick with this whole negative approach of how I do things because no, there s nothing wrong with this.
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Or I see other people do it, you know, they re fine.
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No, they re not fine, they re not okay, you know.
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So, I think those reasons are just overall they don t want to have to do the work and so, they rather make excuses for it.
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I hope you enjoyed today s episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness.
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Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today s episode with all the important links.
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And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me personally, as well as ad free listening, then make sure to subscribe to our greatness plus channel exclusively on Apple podcasts.
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Share this with a friend on social media, and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts as well.
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Let me know what you enjoyed about this episode in that review.
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I really love hearing feedback from you, and it helps us figure out how we can support and serve you moving forward.
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And I want to remind you, if no one has told you lately, that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter.
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And now, it s time to go out there and do something great.