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Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous.
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I m Doug Piskins, and I m joined by Flavoris McGooey.
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Oh, McGooey.
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McGooey.
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We have a good episode.
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The first one is dicey, but it s not, listen, we ve set the bar so disgustingly high.
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It s not that, it s not disgusting, there s just an injury.
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It s not disgusting, yes.
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It s an injury.
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There s an injury that gets kind of graphic.
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but not in the vagina as past injuries have been.
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So you re kind of free.
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I think it s fine.
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Just be careful on the first one, but the rest.
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And then there s one that s so life affirming, so sexual between the most unlikely people.
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It s so great.
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These are crazy bartending stories, a job that I regret not ever having.
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Yeah.
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You would have loved it.
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I would have.
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You re right at the epicenter of all the action.
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Oh, there s everything.
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People are falling in love.
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People are breaking up.
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There s fights, there s proposals, there s business deals.
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You re right.
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The whole world s happening at a bar.
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Oh, God.
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That s beautiful.
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It really is.
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If you can hang at the bar and there s no problem, it s so good.
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You know, keep doing it.
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Please enjoy crazy bartending stories.
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Hi, Danielle.
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Are you a Canadian?
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SPEAKER_01
I am.
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SPEAKER_01
Yes.
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SPEAKER_01
I feel like Kristen Bell right now when he surprised her with the sloth.
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SPEAKER_01
You guys are my sloth.
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SPEAKER_04
Oh, thank you.
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SPEAKER_04
Where in the great North are you?
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SPEAKER_01
Edmonton, Alberta, Canada.
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Are you familiar?
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SPEAKER_04
Yes, I am.
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Edmonton Oilers.
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SPEAKER_01
That s right.
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SPEAKER_04
You got that right.
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SPEAKER_04
Who is your famous oiler?
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Did Bobby Orr play for the Oilers?
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SPEAKER_02
Gretzky.
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SPEAKER_04
Gretzky.
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SPEAKER_02
Oh, that s big time.
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Even I know Wayne.
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That s the biggest of the time.
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SPEAKER_04
Well, Bobby Orr, he was... I don t know him.
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SPEAKER_04
Okay, he s the first.
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SPEAKER_04
But are you a bartender or were you a bartender?
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SPEAKER_01
I was, yeah, for about a decade.
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SPEAKER_04
Oh, you don t look old enough to have been a bartender for a decade.
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SPEAKER_01
Oh, Dax.
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You don t have to give me compliments.
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SPEAKER_01
I m already your biggest fan.
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I worked in a restaurant for seven years and I m a mom and I m married.
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So your bartending days are behind you.
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They are.
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You know what?
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Hey, I m open to it.
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I would happily go back.
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The one job, well, not the one, but one of the few jobs I really regret I never had was bartender.
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Cause to me, it seems so fun.
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You re constantly at the bar.
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You both would be so good at it because this is it.
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But it feels hard because you re balancing a lot at once as a bar.
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I feel like it s much harder than it looks.
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SPEAKER_04
You think it gets too hectic.
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
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I actually found it easier than serving because serving, it s like everything is everywhere.
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And with bartending, it s like, OK, your people are there.
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Your drinks are here.
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Everything you need is right there.
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So if you know how to multitask, you can do it.
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You re basically a therapist.
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That s fun.
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But also I imagine time goes really quick when you re bartending because it s chaotic.
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So it s moving fast.
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Without drinking, Monica.
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There you go.
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You don t need wine.
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The time will go by fast because it s just that environment if it s a busy place.
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Okay.
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So you have a crazy story?
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I think so.
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So yeah, this takes place in 2009.
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I was working full time at a really busy, popular restaurant and bar.
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And one of the things that made this particular restaurant really popular is that it had an outdoor patio with a full bar.
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So I worked out there a lot.
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At that point, I d been there for a while.
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You had to be pretty fast because you re doing everything.
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Like the servers come up for their drinks for the entire patio and then you ve got your wood.
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That s fancy bar talk for people sitting at the bar.
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This particular place, it was always packed in the summer.
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So this story takes place on a really busy Friday night.
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We finally got a bit of a lull at about 1030 at night.
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I took that opportunity to run into the bar cooler.
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Also, we re wearing high heels and dresses like that was the uniform, which obviously very conducive to being on your feet for eight hours.
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And sexually harassed by drunk dudes.
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
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Not ideal, but you got to do what you got to do and you get used to it.
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So I grabbed seven glass beer bottles because that s what I could efficiently bear hug and then run it back to my patio bar.
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So it s easy.
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There s a sliding door.
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I don t have to touch anything so I could hold all these beer bottles.
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And then when you go outside, immediately there s two steps.
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And since you re outside, things get spilled and people leave them and it s like, whatever, we ll get to it later.
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So naturally, I step in a puddle and I slip.
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So I drop all of my beer bottles on the ground and then immediately fall into the broken glass.
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SPEAKER_04
In a skirt?
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
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The way I landed, I kind of like landed on my knees.
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So I wasn t just like legs up or anything like that.
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So the patio is still full.
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This is Friday night.
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Like everybody s there still.
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Everyone s looking at me horrified like, are you okay?
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So I just pop up like that s what you do.
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You just stand up.
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I m fine.
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Everything s fine.
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But immediately I knew something was wrong because my hand just hurts so bad.
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You ve got so many nerves in it.
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So immediately I was like, it s just excruciating.
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So I m like, okay, I ve got a deal.
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I m just going to go inside, go right back to where I came from and go to the first aid kit and get some band-aids because my hand is cut, obviously.
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So I walk inside and I m kind of going as fast as I can.
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And I look and in the dining room inside, all these people are also looking at me like they re horrified.
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Did they see me fall out the window?
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Like, there s no way.
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And I m holding my hand.
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I m like, why?
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Okay, this is weird.
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So I just keep going and I go to the first aid kit and one of my friends who was in nursing school and she s normally like really bubbly.
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She s just white as a ghost.
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She goes into first responder mode.
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She s like, can I give you first aid?
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And I m holding my hand.
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I m like,
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Okay.
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Thinking like, what are you going to do?
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I m just going to put a bandaid on my hand.
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She takes a bunch of clean towels.
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I don t know where she got them.
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And she squeezes my leg.
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It was only at this point that I realized my leg is bleeding.
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So she goes into rescue mode here.
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And I feel like I m going to faint because the pressure.
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So it turns out that when I fell, I actually sliced my leg all the way open.
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I left, like, shin.
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And I didn t know because my hand hurt so bad.
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You were in shock.
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You were distracted by your hand.
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And I was embarrassed because all these people are staring at me.
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Monica would have been crying, but not from the pain, from the embarrassment.
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
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But I felt like I was on stage.
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So immediately you just get off and you leave and you go to the back and lick your wounds.
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It was crazy.
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So some kitchen guy that I didn t know graciously drove me to the closest emergency room where I waited in my little black dress and high heels for several hours till I got stitched up.
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So I ended up with 27 stitches.
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SPEAKER_01
Wow. 27.
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So I had a total of 22 in my leg and five in my hand, which is still what hurt the most.
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It was really awkward because I couldn t really do anything.
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But when I did go back to work, one of my colleagues told me that he saw me walking through the dining room.
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And the reason, Monica, plug your ears.
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You re not going to like this.
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The reason everyone was staring at me is because as I was walking, the blood from my leg
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Was going into my shoes and it was like gushing out the sides like a chocolate fountain
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Not very appetizing.
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SPEAKER_04
Oh my God.
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Danielle, was any part of you grateful that you got to miss the cleanup since you had to go to the emergency room?
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Very much.
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And you know, like the first thing I thought was I m going to have to pay for all the beers I smashed.
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Oh my God.
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Right, right, right.
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The owner s thinking like, oh fuck, we re getting sued for $100,000 and you think you got to reimburse them for $23.
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I know.
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How quickly were you back on the job?
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bartending.
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It was 10 days.
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I was three days later, I was doing manager stuff, which I had never done before, but just so that I could do something and not be doing manual labor, basically, with the stitches.
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SPEAKER_04
Did the owners send you flowers or chocolate or anything to say?
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SPEAKER_01
No.
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They did tell me I didn t have to wear high heels anymore.
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Oh, I think that lasted a week.
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And then I just decided to wear them again because everyone else gave me a hard time.
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They re like, Oh,
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You don t have to wear high heels, but everybody else I m like, you know what?
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SPEAKER_01
It s just easier to wear the high heels.
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SPEAKER_02
It s fine.
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SPEAKER_02
Oh wow.
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SPEAKER_02
They should have probably made that a policy for everyone.
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SPEAKER_02
Maybe we don t wear high heels.
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SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
Well, I think now it s actually the law that they can t do that.
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SPEAKER_01
Okay.
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SPEAKER_01
Good, good, good.
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SPEAKER_04
Did you meet your current husband while bartending?
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SPEAKER_01
I did.
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SPEAKER_04
Tell us, was he a customer or a coworker?
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SPEAKER_01
He was a coworker.
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SPEAKER_01
He worked in the kitchen and then he did leave.
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SPEAKER_00
for a bit and I ran into him later.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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So that s why I don t regret anything because not working there would have changed the whole trajectory of my life.
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SPEAKER_00
But that s actually very common.
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Like several of the girls that I worked with met their husbands that way, either from serving them or working with them.
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SPEAKER_01
And did you love the lifestyle?
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SPEAKER_01
It s a very fast lifestyle and I like that.
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SPEAKER_00
I d first say did, it s difficult when you have friends who have kind of the nine to five, because it s the opposite.
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SPEAKER_00
So unless you re really into that bar scene, which you know, that only lasts for so long.
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SPEAKER_00
And we start drinking here at 18.
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SPEAKER_00
So you kind of get that bar star thing out of your system right away.
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SPEAKER_00
So by the time you re
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SPEAKER_00
In your early twenties, you re like ready to move on.
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SPEAKER_00
Or some of us are.
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Either commit fully or back off.
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That s the inflection point.
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Was not ready to have that be my life.
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SPEAKER_00
So I did like the lifestyle and it was really good for being in school.
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SPEAKER_01
And you make good money too, right?
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SPEAKER_00
It was really good money.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
Like, what would you make in a night, like a Saturday night bartending?
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SPEAKER_01
A few hundred bucks?
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SPEAKER_00
Those Friday night patio shifts?
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
Sometimes I would make like $500.
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SPEAKER_00
Wow, that s great.
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SPEAKER_01
Yes.
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SPEAKER_01
How else are you going to do that?
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SPEAKER_01
You d have to work 10 hours at $50 an hour.
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SPEAKER_01
Who s hiring for $50 an hour?
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah, exactly.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
So I d say on average, you d probably make about $200.
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SPEAKER_00
So it s really hard.
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SPEAKER_00
You get sucked into that.
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SPEAKER_01
It s like stripping.
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SPEAKER_01
A couple of girls I went to high school with were stripping in Santa Barbara.
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
And they were making like $2,000 a night.
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SPEAKER_00
For both of those things, you age out.
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SPEAKER_00
But when are you going to bring Ted Seegers up here?
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SPEAKER_00
How do we get our hands on those?
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SPEAKER_00
Because that wouldn t cut me.
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SPEAKER_00
It s a can.
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SPEAKER_01
That s right.
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It would be very hard for you.
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You d have to fall off of a building for the can to break open in a way.
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We re going to grow as fast as we can, but of course we cannot wait to be in Canada because it s a Detroit company and we re right across the bridge.
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SPEAKER_01
So that is very much an aim.
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SPEAKER_00
Awesome.
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
Daniel is so nice meeting you.
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SPEAKER_01
I m glad you survived this brush with death at the hands of seven broken beer bottles.
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SPEAKER_01
Thank you so much for telling us that story.
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SPEAKER_00
So nice to meet you.
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SPEAKER_00
Take care guys.
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SPEAKER_00
Bye.
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SPEAKER_01
I love your hair.
1
SPEAKER_01
It reminds me of the one I use, which was Revlon outrageous cherry.
1
SPEAKER_01
What s the color?
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SPEAKER_02
Intense red.
1
SPEAKER_02
I wish I had a cooler name.
1
SPEAKER_01
No, it s an electric name.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_01
So Maddie, you were a bartender.
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SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
In Magna, Utah, which is super small town and bars are interesting there, right?
1
SPEAKER_01
Because you only have like three, two beer and you got to have a membership to drink hard alcohol and all that.
1
SPEAKER_02
It is three, two beer.
1
SPEAKER_02
Now, when I was serving, it was two, seven.
1
SPEAKER_02
What does this mean?
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SPEAKER_01
I might ve messed that up.
1
SPEAKER_02
The alcohol percentage in the beer was only 2.7%.
1
SPEAKER_02
The standard is like three, two.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, okay.
1
SPEAKER_01
So I said the standard.
1
SPEAKER_01
All right.
1
SPEAKER_02
Ours was like much lower and they only made it for like Utah and Oklahoma.
1
SPEAKER_02
So Utah liquor laws are really strict.
1
SPEAKER_02
We have the lower percentage beer and we also had, you can t have more than an ounce and a half of the same liquor in front of you at once.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, wow.
1
SPEAKER_01
So you can t order a double?
1
SPEAKER_01
No.
1
SPEAKER_02
Wow.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, okay.
1
SPEAKER_01
So you re bartending, but kind of are people getting fucked up anyways, they figure out how to just drink more, right?
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
They just drink more and they bar hop.
1
SPEAKER_02
And that s the thing with magnet.
1
SPEAKER_02
This bar was on a historic main street.
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SPEAKER_02
There are four bars all within five minutes walking distance of each other.
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SPEAKER_02
So you just hop in.
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SPEAKER_02
Bartenders don t know.
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SPEAKER_02
This particular night, I have tons of stories, but this night I had just gotten on shift.
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SPEAKER_02
It was about six o clock.
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SPEAKER_02
Cashing in my till, and like I said, Magna s really small, so I know everybody.
1
SPEAKER_02
So when new people walk in, we re always a little bit leery.
1
SPEAKER_02
These two guys walk in, never seen them before, very clearly intoxicated.
1
SPEAKER_02
Barely walking straight.
1
SPEAKER_02
I just started my shift.
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SPEAKER_02
I don t want to start fighting with people.
1
SPEAKER_02
So I tell them, hey guys, I m happy if you want to hang out.
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SPEAKER_02
I m not going to serve you anything, but I ll make you some coffee.
1
SPEAKER_02
I ll get you some soda, water.
1
SPEAKER_02
I don t want them driving.
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SPEAKER_02
And they were like, okay, we ll have some water.
1
SPEAKER_02
One of the two guys, he takes his water, chugs it and is like, Hey, I m ready.
1
SPEAKER_02
Give me a beer.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_01
He just thought he needed one water and he d be good to go.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
I m like, that s not how it works.
1
SPEAKER_02
I m not going to serve you at all.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
He immediately was pissed.
1
SPEAKER_02
I m like, really, we re going to go to zero to 100.
1
SPEAKER_02
Cool.
1
SPEAKER_02
All right.
1
SPEAKER_02
That s fine.
1
SPEAKER_02
You can leave.
1
SPEAKER_02
I don t need you here.
1
SPEAKER_02
They re like kind of yelling, but they willingly get up and leave.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, good.
1
SPEAKER_02
They walk down the street.
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SPEAKER_02
And so in my head, I m like, they re going to go to the next bar.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
So just to be nice, I text the bartender just down the way a little bit and say, hey, these two guys are probably going to come in.
1
SPEAKER_02
Do not serve them.
1
SPEAKER_02
Probably about 20 minutes goes by and I get a text back from her saying,
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, shit, I served them.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I get why I shouldn t have.
1
SPEAKER_02
I think they re coming back to you.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, boy.
1
SPEAKER_01
Now, quickly, who s on staff at the bar you re at?
1
SPEAKER_02
Just me.
1
SPEAKER_01
There s no big boys there.
1
SPEAKER_02
No.
1
SPEAKER_02
At this point, we only have door guys on the weekends.
1
SPEAKER_02
And this was like a Tuesday or Wednesday night.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, boy.
1
SPEAKER_02
So I m completely by myself.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I m like 27, 140 pounds.
1
SPEAKER_02
I m 5 10 , so I m a little intimidating, but not much.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, there were quite a few like of my motorcycle guys there hanging out.
1
SPEAKER_01
Good.
1
SPEAKER_02
So I felt a little safer.
1
SPEAKER_02
Anyway, they do come back and start demanding alcohol.
1
SPEAKER_02
I m done.
1
SPEAKER_02
I m fed up.
1
SPEAKER_02
So I start screaming at him.
1
SPEAKER_02
I am not going to serve you.
1
SPEAKER_02
Get out.
1
SPEAKER_02
Just go home.
1
SPEAKER_02
I ll call you a cab.
1
SPEAKER_02
So then they start screaming at me telling me I m a bitch and all the words.
1
SPEAKER_02
So at this point, my motorcycle dudes kind of stand up and
1
SPEAKER_02
Start looking a little intimidating and pushing them out.
1
SPEAKER_02
Side note, one guy was like six foot, 180 pounds soaking wet.
1
SPEAKER_02
The other one s six, five, 300 pounds.
1
SPEAKER_01
There we go.
1
SPEAKER_01
Wait of the motorcycle boys or the drunk boys?
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, that s not what we want.
1
SPEAKER_01
I wanted the motorcycle guys to be that size.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_02
They were pretty burly guys, but they weren t anything on this guy.
1
SPEAKER_02
But, you know, there were more of them.
1
SPEAKER_02
So they re hurting them out for me.
1
SPEAKER_02
And they re still screaming and they re wanting to fight these motorcycle guys.
1
SPEAKER_02
And as they get to the door, the bigger guy looks me dead in the eyes and says, I m going to get my gun.
1
SPEAKER_02
You re dead, bitch.
1
SPEAKER_02
No.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I m just like, oh, my.
1
SPEAKER_02
Like, what do you do?
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh my God.
1
SPEAKER_02
I immediately go call the cops.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yep.
1
SPEAKER_02
And my bar, the whole front of the bar facing the street is windows, floor to ceiling.
1
SPEAKER_02
So we ve got a perfect view of what these guys are doing.
1
SPEAKER_02
We get them out and then they walk across the street to the parking lot.
1
SPEAKER_02
The bigger guy gets in the car and then the little guy tries to get in and can t open any of the doors.
1
SPEAKER_02
And so we re kind of watching like what s
1
SPEAKER_02
going on.
1
SPEAKER_01
Turned into a cartoon a little bit.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
And he starts like rolling around his front seat.
1
SPEAKER_02
He can t get out.
1
SPEAKER_02
What?
1
SPEAKER_02
He s locked himself inside of his car.
1
SPEAKER_02
What?
1
SPEAKER_02
How can that be?
1
SPEAKER_02
I have no idea, but we re just all laughing at him.
1
SPEAKER_02
Like, you are so stupid and drunk.
1
SPEAKER_02
So I m telling dispatch, this is what s going on.
1
SPEAKER_02
I m actually worried he s going to drive off at this point and hurt himself or somebody else.
1
SPEAKER_02
Of course.
1
SPEAKER_02
So I kind of turned my back to the windows to talk to the patrons also while I m on hold with dispatch.
1
SPEAKER_02
And then suddenly we hear a loud bang and the glass right next to me shatters.
1
SPEAKER_02
No.
1
SPEAKER_01
What?
1
SPEAKER_02
It took me a whole 10 seconds of shock to be like, he just shot at me.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh my God.
1
SPEAKER_01
From his car?
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, just right across the street.
1
SPEAKER_01
He s out of the car now, and he has a gun.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh my goodness.
1
SPEAKER_02
to the back of the bar, get down.
1
SPEAKER_02
I hurry and lock the door.
1
SPEAKER_02
Luckily, the cops showed up.
1
SPEAKER_02
They were super quick on scene, got him arrested.
1
SPEAKER_02
And then the owner showed up to like go over the surveillance cameras and to see what happened.
1
SPEAKER_02
It turned out he picked up a two by four.
1
SPEAKER_02
and chucked it out the window.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, my Lord.
1
SPEAKER_02
They found it.
1
SPEAKER_02
They found like a big nail sticking out of it.
1
SPEAKER_02
So the nail must have just barely hit the window in such a perfect spot.
1
SPEAKER_02
But it sounded exactly like a gun.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m sure when that glass broke, it was like a gunshot.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, my God.
1
SPEAKER_02
And that was a triple pane window.
1
SPEAKER_02
We re used to gunshots in Magna.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh.
1
SPEAKER_02
So we ve got windows to protect us from that stuff.
1
SPEAKER_02
But the owner submitted a lawsuit.
1
SPEAKER_02
He didn t respond.
1
SPEAKER_01
Were you asked to go to the police station and identify him or any of that stuff, or come do a trial?
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, so I was asked to come do a trial and I had to give my perspective of what happened.
1
SPEAKER_02
But he didn t respond to the lawsuit from the owners, so one of the owners had experience on Judge Judy, so he just submitted it over to Judge Judy.
1
SPEAKER_02
What?
1
SPEAKER_01
No!
1
SPEAKER_01
Wait, what?
1
SPEAKER_02
He s like, maybe they ll pick up our case.
1
SPEAKER_02
I think no matter what, the show pays out the lawsuit.
1
SPEAKER_01
Right.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s my understanding.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
So he figured we ll get our money one way or the other.
1
SPEAKER_02
Right.
1
SPEAKER_02
But he still didn t respond to that either.
1
SPEAKER_02
They picked up the case.
1
SPEAKER_02
They re like, let s fly y all out to L.A.
1
SPEAKER_02
But I think that was the kick in the pants for him.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, I probably need to do something about this.
1
SPEAKER_02
Take accountability.
1
SPEAKER_02
Anyway, we did see him in small claims court in Salt Lake.
1
SPEAKER_02
I sat across from him and he wouldn t look me in the eyes.
1
SPEAKER_02
His wife just sat there like rubbing his back and talked for him basically the whole time.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, boy.
1
SPEAKER_02
As I start recounting the story of what happened, my experience, he starts sobbing.
1
SPEAKER_02
And afterwards he was just like, I m so sorry.
1
SPEAKER_02
I have zero memory.
1
SPEAKER_02
I feel like I ve never seen you before.
1
SPEAKER_02
I can t believe that I would scare you like that.
1
SPEAKER_02
And at this point,
2
SPEAKER_00
I m like six months pregnant.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s a huge piece of the story.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
2
SPEAKER_00
I guess I was very newly pregnant when this happened.
2
SPEAKER_00
So by the time we got to court, I was like six months pregnant.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh God.
2
SPEAKER_02
That s why I didn t remember you.
2
SPEAKER_02
Cause now you were pregnant.
2
SPEAKER_01
I didn t know there was a pregnant girl.
2
SPEAKER_02
I never fucked with any pregnant ladies.
2
SPEAKER_02
I have morals.
2
SPEAKER_02
I only throw two by fours at non-pregnant women.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh man.
2
SPEAKER_02
You know, wow.
2
SPEAKER_02
What an end because, well, I hate this guy hearing this story.
2
SPEAKER_02
He scared everybody to death.
2
SPEAKER_02
It s terrifying.
2
SPEAKER_02
And then another part of me that s read a lot of books about trauma goes like, well, that guy was certainly dealing with some shit.
2
SPEAKER_01
Clearly addict, obviously.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_02
I hope he got some help.
2
SPEAKER_02
Did he get sentenced to any jail time or no?
2
SPEAKER_00
No, I think he did spend one night in jail until his wife could bail him.
2
SPEAKER_00
But that was it.
2
SPEAKER_02
And I bet some folks there in court were going, Z, and this is why we do 2.7.
2
SPEAKER_02
Imagine what would happen if we were doing three, two beer.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God.
2
SPEAKER_01
But I wonder what happened to the skinny guy.
2
SPEAKER_02
He got the fuck out of there.
2
SPEAKER_02
He s like, this guy s loco.
2
SPEAKER_01
Maybe he went in the car and got locked in the trunk.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh, he found his way into the trunk.
2
SPEAKER_01
They were having all these problems with the car getting in and out.
2
SPEAKER_02
How much longer did you tend bar there?
2
SPEAKER_01
About another year and a half.
2
SPEAKER_02
In a violent little strip of land there where fights common?
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh yeah, my first night there, I watched somebody just get jumped from behind and beaten to almost death.
2
SPEAKER_00
He was almost dead.
2
SPEAKER_00
People were murdered back there in the vicinity, not in my bar, but I ve had knives, guns, all the things pointed at me.
2
SPEAKER_02
I want to go there now.
2
SPEAKER_02
I really do.
2
SPEAKER_02
I want to go.
2
SPEAKER_01
Why?
2
SPEAKER_01
What are you going to do?
2
SPEAKER_02
I don t know what it is.
2
SPEAKER_01
In your fantasy, what s going to happen?
2
SPEAKER_02
I just, I remember being around that so much that some part of me goes like, oh yeah, that s where everything s happened.
2
SPEAKER_02
I want to go.
2
SPEAKER_02
I need to see everything.
2
SPEAKER_02
I don t know.
2
SPEAKER_02
I don t know what it is.
2
SPEAKER_00
You know, arousal do karaoke every night.
2
SPEAKER_00
Just go do karaoke and see what goes down.
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, I m glad you re safe.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_02
No kidding.
2
SPEAKER_02
How scary Maddie.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it was.
2
SPEAKER_00
I think about it a lot, but I m pregnant with my fourth now, so we re good.
2
SPEAKER_02
You re cranking them out.
2
SPEAKER_01
Was that the first?
2
SPEAKER_01
It was my second.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh my gosh.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, congratulations.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_02
That s a lot of little ones.
2
SPEAKER_00
Thanks for sharing.
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, thank you guys.
2
SPEAKER_00
I appreciate it.
2
SPEAKER_00
My sister made me do it because she loves you guys.
2
SPEAKER_00
She s an addict herself and your vulnerability helped her through so much.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh, what s her name?
2
SPEAKER_00
Lauren.
2
SPEAKER_02
Lauren.
2
SPEAKER_02
We love you.
2
SPEAKER_00
Thanks for listening.
2
SPEAKER_00
Thank you guys.
2
SPEAKER_00
I appreciate you.
2
SPEAKER_00
All right.
2
SPEAKER_00
Bye bye.
2
SPEAKER_02
Take care.
2
SPEAKER_00
Bye guys.
2
SPEAKER_02
I just saw your stupid hands start to wave.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s not a stupid hand.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s a regular hand.
2
SPEAKER_01
Bye.
2
SPEAKER_01
Bye.
2
SPEAKER_02
That s good.
2
SPEAKER_02
We always get so zany by 7 and 8.
2
SPEAKER_01
Hello!
2
SPEAKER_01
Hi!
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh my God.
2
SPEAKER_02
Are you, are you in a TV?
2
SPEAKER_02
What are you in?
2
SPEAKER_03
Pretty much basically.
2
SPEAKER_03
I live in the Northeast and we don t really have closets, so I ve kind of constructed.
2
SPEAKER_03
Thank you for making that.
2
SPEAKER_03
I did this contraption with a blanket behind me and over me and back around.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh my God.
2
SPEAKER_02
Well, you sound dynamite.
2
SPEAKER_03
Exactly.
2
SPEAKER_03
It works.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_03
Okay, cool.
2
SPEAKER_02
Where are you in the East coast?
2
SPEAKER_03
Right now I m in Pennsylvania.
2
SPEAKER_02
Big state, lots of cities.
2
SPEAKER_02
Which one?
2
SPEAKER_03
Lancaster.
2
SPEAKER_02
I don t know Lancaster.
2
SPEAKER_03
You re saying that with- Some hesitation.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, some shame.
2
SPEAKER_03
David actually did a flightless bird on it because this is where all the Amish are.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh!
2
SPEAKER_02
Yes!
2
SPEAKER_02
Wonderful.
2
SPEAKER_02
You see a lot of horse and buggies?
2
SPEAKER_03
Oh my God, everywhere.
2
SPEAKER_03
Wow.
2
SPEAKER_03
But I ve only been here for a year.
2
SPEAKER_03
I moved here from Austin.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh my God, that s a radical change.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_02
What brought you there, a lover?
2
SPEAKER_03
No graduate school.
2
SPEAKER_02
Graduate school.
2
SPEAKER_02
That makes sense.
2
SPEAKER_02
What are you getting your graduate degree in?
2
SPEAKER_03
Clinical psychology.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh, you re a pervert.
2
SPEAKER_03
It s actually, thanks to you guys a little bit.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh, really?
2
SPEAKER_03
I was bartending for forever and managing, and I actually had like a really serious injury and I was laid up for a while.
2
SPEAKER_03
I broke my leg in a bunch of places.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh no.
2
SPEAKER_03
There s no cool story behind it.
2
SPEAKER_03
And I started listening to you guys and you had so many social scientists and I was thinking of going back to school and was listening to you guys.
2
SPEAKER_03
And it kind of sealed the deal for me.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh, wow.
2
SPEAKER_02
Had you gone to UT?
2
SPEAKER_03
No, I didn t.
2
SPEAKER_03
I actually grew up in New Jersey.
2
SPEAKER_03
I went to school in Rochester, New York, then moved down to Texas.
2
SPEAKER_03
I like moving.
2
SPEAKER_02
So were you a bartender in Austin?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yes, I was.
2
SPEAKER_02
And is that where your crazy story takes place?
2
SPEAKER_01
It is.
2
SPEAKER_01
I wish it had taken place with the Amish.
2
SPEAKER_02
Absolutely.
2
SPEAKER_02
Like rum spring a story.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_03
But it s okay.
2
SPEAKER_03
All right.
2
SPEAKER_03
Let s hear it.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_03
So I was working in downtown Austin, Texas at the time.
2
SPEAKER_03
We were like right on the outskirts of the very downtown area.
2
SPEAKER_03
At the time I was managing also.
2
SPEAKER_03
So on Wednesdays, I started to notice that this elderly couple was coming in.
2
SPEAKER_03
They d been coming in for like three months at the time.
2
SPEAKER_03
They d come in and the husband would beeline to the bar, the wife would go and get their table.
2
SPEAKER_03
It was the table directly in front of the entrance.
2
SPEAKER_03
And then to the right, it was directly in front of the main well of the bar.
2
SPEAKER_03
So we re employees always making drinks.
2
SPEAKER_03
It was the busiest spot in the bar.
2
SPEAKER_03
So this was like the highest traffic area.
2
SPEAKER_02
That sounds like the worst table for me.
2
SPEAKER_02
So that d be uncommon that anyone would want that table.
2
SPEAKER_03
Absolutely the worst table in the house.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yep.
2
SPEAKER_03
But every time they sat there and they would always face the bar, which was kind of weird and they wouldn t like watch TV or anything.
2
SPEAKER_03
They would just be facing us directly.
2
SPEAKER_03
So the husband would come to the bar, he d order them the same drinks every time.
2
SPEAKER_03
He d get them one round.
2
SPEAKER_03
He wasn t friendly, and we were a super friendly staff, so that was always kind of weird for us.
2
SPEAKER_03
But he would go sit down.
2
SPEAKER_03
The couple wouldn t talk to each other the whole time.
2
SPEAKER_03
And then at some point, the wife would get up and go to the bathroom for a really long time.
2
SPEAKER_03
Like a really long time.
2
SPEAKER_03
The first time it happened, I was like, is she okay?
2
SPEAKER_03
And kind of went in the bathroom, make sure everything was good.
2
SPEAKER_03
So that was kind of on my radar.
2
SPEAKER_03
They would get another round, and then they wouldn t drink their drinks at all.
2
SPEAKER_03
They would just close the tab and leave.
2
SPEAKER_03
What?
2
SPEAKER_03
So they come in this one Wednesday.
2
SPEAKER_03
We re uncharacteristically slow.
2
SPEAKER_03
Normally Wednesdays, we have like a really good regular crowd.
2
SPEAKER_03
So that spot in the bar would always be full of people.
2
SPEAKER_03
This one, I feel like it was raining or something was going on in town where nobody was sitting at the bar top.
2
SPEAKER_03
So, you know, same drill.
2
SPEAKER_03
They came in.
2
SPEAKER_03
So a little bit later, I m making a drink at the first well and I look up and first I see the wife has her eyes closed.
2
SPEAKER_03
She s kind of like leaned back and I was like, is she sleeping?
2
SPEAKER_03
And I look at the husband and I noticed like his arm is just like pumping.
2
SPEAKER_03
under the table.
2
SPEAKER_03
Oh!
2
SPEAKER_02
He s stimulating her.
2
SPEAKER_03
He s deejaying.
2
SPEAKER_03
It took me a minute to process what was happening, but it was really aggressive.
2
SPEAKER_03
Wait, how old are they?
2
SPEAKER_03
I know you said old, but what would you say?
2
40?
2
SPEAKER_03
I m saying 75 to be kind.
2
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_02
And he is jackrabbiting that.
2
SPEAKER_02
Going to town.
2
SPEAKER_02
Wow.
2
SPEAKER_02
He still has the strength and the dexterity.
2
SPEAKER_02
She still has the appetite.
2
SPEAKER_02
Wow.
2
SPEAKER_02
What a couple.
2
SPEAKER_03
Honestly, it s impressive.
2
SPEAKER_03
Afterwards, we talked about it, and we were like, that s great for them.
2
SPEAKER_03
Keeping it alive, you know?
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, so it takes me a minute to figure out what s going on, and when I do, it clicks.
2
SPEAKER_03
I m like, oh my god, my jaw drops.
2
SPEAKER_03
I make direct eye contact with my door guy, who s just noticed the same thing.
2
SPEAKER_03
Both of us at the same time are like, oh shit.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh my god.
2
SPEAKER_03
Mind you, he s only like five feet away from this table, too.
2
SPEAKER_03
So I sprint over to him and I was like, okay, I need you to kick them out, obviously.
2
SPEAKER_02
Like, are you gonna let her finish?
2
SPEAKER_03
This is the question.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_02
Damage is done.
2
SPEAKER_02
Let her finish and then we ll get them out of here.
2
SPEAKER_03
Exactly.
2
SPEAKER_03
You know, it s an exhibitionism thing during that main part.
2
SPEAKER_03
We actually had part of the bar that had couches hidden.
2
SPEAKER_03
They could have done this with nobody seeing them, nobody interrupting.
2
SPEAKER_02
That wouldn t have got her off.
2
SPEAKER_03
The whole point is for us to see them.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_02
Kinky.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh.
2
SPEAKER_03
So he s like, I m not doing it.
2
SPEAKER_03
I m not going up and saying that.
2
SPEAKER_03
Oh God.
2
SPEAKER_02
What a door man.
2
SPEAKER_03
I know.
2
SPEAKER_03
So actually I d worked with him for a really long time.
2
SPEAKER_03
This was the only time he ever said no.
2
SPEAKER_03
So I was like, man, like if you say no, he s really not doing it.
2
SPEAKER_03
This is definitely 100% on me now.
2
SPEAKER_03
I was like, all right, do I do it now or do I wait?
2
SPEAKER_02
Until she lights up her cigarette.
2
SPEAKER_03
Right?
2
SPEAKER_03
I can t walk up in the middle of this.
2
SPEAKER_03
There s no way I could pull that off.
2
SPEAKER_03
I m too embarrassed.
2
SPEAKER_03
Like I just cannot do it.
2
SPEAKER_03
We re going to let her finish.
2
SPEAKER_03
Is it audible?
2
SPEAKER_03
It s not actually, they re very quiet.
2
SPEAKER_03
It s more like the facial expressions and the arm movements, but it s still not subtle.
2
SPEAKER_02
One more question.
2
SPEAKER_02
Is she in a dress or is he down some denim?
2
SPEAKER_03
I think it was a skirt she was wearing.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh, perfect.
2
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_02
80 year old in a skirt.
2
SPEAKER_03
You know, we also realized that this couple had been doing this for three months.
2
SPEAKER_03
Oh, what?
2
SPEAKER_02
That s what you re putting together.
2
SPEAKER_02
Like, they ve been doing this for three months and we just... No one s noticed.
2
SPEAKER_03
One of the other regulars was like, oh yeah, like they do that every week.
2
SPEAKER_03
And I was like, I ve just never seen it because there s always people sitting here.
2
SPEAKER_03
This has been a weekly thing for three months now.
2
SPEAKER_03
Oh my God.
2
SPEAKER_02
What horndogs.
2
SPEAKER_03
At first I was like, all right, good for them.
2
SPEAKER_03
And I was like, all right, now I m getting kind of annoyed.
2
SPEAKER_03
They ve been doing this.
2
SPEAKER_03
I don t know who s seen this.
2
SPEAKER_03
Now we re all talking about it.
2
SPEAKER_03
I m like, nobody look at them.
2
SPEAKER_03
Like, that s what they want.
2
SPEAKER_02
Also it now explains why it s empty on this Wednesday.
2
SPEAKER_02
People are like, don t go in there Wednesday.
2
SPEAKER_01
There s old timers.
2
SPEAKER_01
Finger blasts.
2
SPEAKER_01
What is she doing in the bathroom?
2
SPEAKER_01
Like cleaning up?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_02
Probably sorting out her.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God.
2
SPEAKER_02
Or finishing herself.
2
SPEAKER_02
Getting into her purse and pulling out the jackrabbit.
2
SPEAKER_01
This is so fun.
2
SPEAKER_01
Horny scene.
3
SPEAKER_01
You just won t, okay, talk.
3
SPEAKER_04
No, listen, you know what makes it safe, is like, they re so old.
3
SPEAKER_01
No, it s great, I just wanna hear more.
3
SPEAKER_04
Okay, okay.
3
SPEAKER_01
I tell the bartenders, and now they re telling regulars, so everybody in the bar is involved in this too, which feels like weirdly participatory.
3
SPEAKER_01
Now, 20 people are waiting for this woman to come, and it s so awkward.
3
SPEAKER_01
So finally she finishes, and it s also very obvious.
3
SPEAKER_01
There s no noise, luckily, but the jaw drop and she throws her head back.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, it s a great one.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, it s very performative.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yes, this must be it.
3
SPEAKER_01
And she gets up and she goes to the bathroom, which explains all of that.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like she s cleaning herself up, maybe finishing herself off.
3
SPEAKER_04
In your sink.
3
SPEAKER_03
Oh, in the sink, ew!
3
SPEAKER_04
Hand dryer.
3
SPEAKER_03
I feel ageist.
3
SPEAKER_04
You do?
3
SPEAKER_04
It s like a good side of ageist.
3
SPEAKER_03
I personally feel ageist because I just think it s grosser.
3
SPEAKER_04
Oh.
3
SPEAKER_03
That it s an older person.
3
SPEAKER_03
I mean it is.
3
SPEAKER_03
Well.
3
SPEAKER_03
To think of her in the bathroom cleaning up.
3
SPEAKER_04
No, it s two things.
3
SPEAKER_04
In some ways it s grosser and then in other ways it s more life affirming.
3
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, that s your positive side.
3
SPEAKER_03
I m saying I feel ageist because I don t.
3
SPEAKER_03
I think the bathroom cleanup is- Is low rank.
3
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_04
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_04
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_04
That s fair.
3
SPEAKER_01
I felt weirdly ageist writing this in, but then I think about it s like the exhibitionism is really more of the issue than the age thing.
3
SPEAKER_01
Let s stay focused.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
So I m like, okay, she s in the bathroom.
3
SPEAKER_01
This is my shot.
3
SPEAKER_01
They hadn t gotten their second round and they hadn t closed out.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s like, okay, great.
3
SPEAKER_01
This is an easy way for me to go over and talk to this guy.
3
SPEAKER_01
Close this tab.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m so nervous.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m like pumping myself up.
3
SPEAKER_01
Also, I m like a four foot 11 girl in Texas.
3
SPEAKER_01
This is an old Texas guy.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m about to get yelled at.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m 100% certain of it.
3
SPEAKER_01
So I start walking over like, all right, here we go.
3
SPEAKER_01
Put the tab on the table and I was like, sir, I m sorry.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m going to have to ask you to leave.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m going to have to ask you not to come back to this bar.
3
SPEAKER_01
And he looks at me like shocked.
3
SPEAKER_01
And he s like, why?
3
SPEAKER_01
And I wasn t really expecting that response.
3
SPEAKER_01
So just kind of stared at him for a while.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, please, sir, don t make me say it.
3
SPEAKER_01
I can t.
3
SPEAKER_01
Fair enough.
3
SPEAKER_01
Tipped us 25%.
3
SPEAKER_01
They left and never came back.
3
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
3
SPEAKER_04
So in the end, he kind of was a gentleman.
3
SPEAKER_02
That s what the wife would say.
3
SPEAKER_04
Well, truly.
3
SPEAKER_04
I want to know more about her Wednesdays before they go to the bar.
3
SPEAKER_04
Is she titillated all day long that they re going and follow up.
3
SPEAKER_04
Do we think this was a once a week thing or do you think they had bars all over the city that he was jerking her off in?
3
SPEAKER_01
My bet is they like would find a home bar and would probably do it as long as they could until they got kicked out and then they d move on to another place.
3
SPEAKER_01
Cause they were coming to us every Wednesday for a while.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh wow.
3
SPEAKER_03
Wow.
3
SPEAKER_03
Do you think they ve been doing this since they were 30 or 20?
3
SPEAKER_03
Figuratively and literally coming to you.
3
SPEAKER_03
Do you think they ve been doing this for 70 years together?
3
SPEAKER_04
It s probably why they re still together.
3
SPEAKER_03
Wow.
3
SPEAKER_04
I m envious of the whole situation, to be honest.
3
SPEAKER_01
We all came to that as well.
3
SPEAKER_04
Yes, and I would say it s almost anti-ageist.
3
SPEAKER_04
If anything, they re benefiting from their age, because if it were a couple in their 20s, it would feel a bit predatorial.
3
SPEAKER_04
You d be nervous about them.
3
SPEAKER_04
No?
3
SPEAKER_03
Oh, yeah, probably.
3
SPEAKER_04
There s something that would just go from kinky to like, I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, I know what you mean.
3
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, this is like playful.
3
SPEAKER_04
Grandma and Grampy.
3
SPEAKER_04
But ew.
3
SPEAKER_04
But ew.
3
SPEAKER_04
No one ever observed him getting service.
3
SPEAKER_04
Now that you found out all these people had seen that many times.
3
SPEAKER_04
It s crazy to me.
3
SPEAKER_04
People had seen it and not told you and not said anything.
3
SPEAKER_01
I know.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
3
SPEAKER_01
I know.
3
SPEAKER_01
I think everybody enjoyed it a little bit.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like everybody thought it was funny and it was like, Oh, that s the quirk of this bar.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like it was a very quirky bar.
3
SPEAKER_01
So I feel like a lot of people were like, okay, cool.
3
SPEAKER_04
I d love to see that for sure.
3
SPEAKER_04
What s worse that I wanted to go to the violent bar town or that I want to see the old time.
3
SPEAKER_04
Both are bad.
3
SPEAKER_03
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_03
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_04
Both are bad.
3
SPEAKER_04
But you would pick for me to be a part of this one because I wouldn t get hurt.
3
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_03
I don t want you in an unsafe environment.
3
SPEAKER_03
I guess you re making me choose.
3
SPEAKER_03
I ll let you go to this bar.
3
SPEAKER_04
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_04
Great.
3
SPEAKER_04
Well, Sabrina, that was a banger of a story.
3
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_04
Just awesome.
3
SPEAKER_02
Thank you.
3
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_02
Really appreciate sharing that.
3
SPEAKER_02
Wow.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_02
I ll be thinking about that one for a bit.
3
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_04
I m going to think about that tonight.
3
SPEAKER_01
So great meeting you guys.
3
SPEAKER_04
Okay, good luck with grad school.
3
SPEAKER_01
Bye.
3
SPEAKER_01
Thank you.
3
SPEAKER_04
She s an 80-year-old nympho.
3
SPEAKER_04
It s so exciting.
3
SPEAKER_01
It is very fascinating.
3
SPEAKER_04
It is.
3
SPEAKER_04
Tom, can you hear us?
3
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, we can.
3
SPEAKER_04
Oh, wonderful.
3
SPEAKER_04
You said we.
3
SPEAKER_04
Is there more than one of you there?
3
SPEAKER_00
I gave myself up already.
3
SPEAKER_00
My fiance s here.
3
SPEAKER_04
You blew up your spot.
3
SPEAKER_04
I did.
3
SPEAKER_04
Are you watching the Beckham documentary?
3
SPEAKER_04
I haven t seen it yet.
3
SPEAKER_04
Oh, you need to see it because your hair is looking very Beckham right now.
3
SPEAKER_03
And your sweater.
3
SPEAKER_04
In the Northeast here, it s actually nice tonight.
3
SPEAKER_04
So we get to wear a t-shirt.
3
SPEAKER_04
We blew that one.
3
SPEAKER_04
I maintain that your hair does look like Beckham s currently.
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, I am a soccer player, so that works.
3
SPEAKER_04
Oh, wonderful.
3
SPEAKER_04
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_04
Where are you at in the Northeast?
3
SPEAKER_04
Boston, just outside the city.
3
SPEAKER_04
Oh, I got you.
3
SPEAKER_04
I got you.
3
SPEAKER_04
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_04
So you were or are a bartender?
3
SPEAKER_04
I was.
3
SPEAKER_04
Yes.
3
SPEAKER_00
What year was this?
3
SPEAKER_00
This was, let s see, 13 years ago.
3
SPEAKER_00
So fast math.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
3
10, 2010.
3
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, that was easy.
3
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
3
2010.
3
SPEAKER_04
We got lucky.
3
SPEAKER_04
I ll make it harder for you coming up.
3
SPEAKER_04
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_04
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_04
Please do.
3
SPEAKER_04
I like a challenge.
3
SPEAKER_04
And you re bartending in Boston because that s a rowdy place to bartend.
3
SPEAKER_00
I think I have bartended in Boston, but at this point I was bartending in Southern New England.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m keeping things vague for a reason.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, great.
3
SPEAKER_00
There s some legal stuff.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay, great.
3
SPEAKER_00
Tell us what happened.
3
SPEAKER_00
A little bit of background.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m bartending one night a week at this dive bar.
3
SPEAKER_00
The owner had known me for a while.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s in a place where there s a bunch of bars, a little beach community, and he wanted me to come and work for him.
3
SPEAKER_00
And eventually I was like, okay, but if I could have Monday night, which is the bartender s Saturday night, I wanted all service industry so that, you know, they tip very well.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s a fun group.
3
SPEAKER_04
Smart.
3
SPEAKER_04
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_04
That s clever.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
And this comes into play later as well.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I was able to get that and able to build it up as the service industry place to go on a Monday night.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then one night it s just regular night and a couple walks in.
3
SPEAKER_00
She s in her early twenties, he s mid twenties.
3
SPEAKER_00
They order beers and something just seems off with her.
3
SPEAKER_00
With her?
3
SPEAKER_00
Correct.
3
SPEAKER_00
I couldn t quite put my finger on it.
3
SPEAKER_00
Not alarming, just off.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then they ordered another round, but then he gets up to go to the bathroom.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I go over to her and I m just like, hey, is everything okay?
3
SPEAKER_00
And she just looks at me scared and was just like, no, everything s not okay.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m on a blind date.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know him.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I don t know where I am.
3
SPEAKER_03
Oh my God.
3
SPEAKER_04
Oh, fuck.
3
SPEAKER_04
She s been roofing old.
3
SPEAKER_00
No, she was a roofie.
3
SPEAKER_00
I asked her, I was like, where are you from?
3
SPEAKER_00
And she told me she s like an hour away.
3
SPEAKER_00
I was like, so he drove you an hour and didn t tell you where you were going on a blind date.
3
SPEAKER_00
And she was like, yes.
3
SPEAKER_00
So she s scared.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, boy.
3
SPEAKER_03
Wow.
3
SPEAKER_03
Good Spidey.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Really good job, Tom.
3
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Any bartender is going to do the same thing.
3
SPEAKER_00
I have to believe.
3
SPEAKER_04
I hope.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s very optimistic, but I ll take your word for it.
3
SPEAKER_00
Most of the bartenders I know would pick up on that.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
So anyways, I m like, all right, just stay there.
3
SPEAKER_00
No matter what happens, just stay in your seat.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m going to confront him when he comes out of the bathroom.
3
SPEAKER_00
We ll take care of this and we ll make sure that you get home because you do live very far away.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
The bar, again, is full of all service industry people.
3
SPEAKER_00
So we re all going to make sure that she gets home.
3
SPEAKER_00
The guy comes out and I m like, hey, not a big deal.
3
SPEAKER_00
Just pay your tab and it s time to go.
3
SPEAKER_00
And he s like, oh, no, my date s over there.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I m like, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
So that s the thing.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s over.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s what this is about, actually, is why you got to leave.
3
SPEAKER_00
I didn t just randomly pick you out.
3
SPEAKER_00
So then he s like, well, no.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then he starts getting really rough.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like he s ready to fight.
3
SPEAKER_00
And Dax, I know you re like tall guys.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m six foot five.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, wow.
3
SPEAKER_00
Congratulations.
3
SPEAKER_00
Thank you.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
This guy was taller than me and had at least a hundred pounds on him.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God.
3
SPEAKER_00
Would he play for the Patriots?
3
SPEAKER_00
Maybe.
3
SPEAKER_00
So when he started getting confrontation, I was like, you know what?
3
SPEAKER_00
Don t worry about the tap.
3
SPEAKER_00
Let s just go.
3
SPEAKER_00
At which point, one of my good friends at the time was a bouncer there, just not on duty.
3
SPEAKER_00
So he came over and he had my back and we kind of got him out to his car.
3
SPEAKER_00
We thought this was going to be it.
3
SPEAKER_00
Worst comes to worst.
3
SPEAKER_00
He didn t pay a tap, like not a big deal.
3
SPEAKER_00
Right.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then we get him into the car.
3
SPEAKER_00
He closes the door, tries to open it again.
3
SPEAKER_00
yelling profanities, ready to fight us.
3
SPEAKER_00
We could tell.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I pinned the door shut with my leg.
3
SPEAKER_00
I was like, just go, just go, just go.
3
SPEAKER_00
So then he starts driving away and about a hundred feet up from our bar, he just comes to a screeching halt.
3
SPEAKER_00
And that s when we knew like, oh no, this is not going to be good.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, there was two girls that were local bartenders smoking outside.
3
SPEAKER_00
And as the car is pulling around, I just look at them and I m like, hey, go get everybody and call the cops.
3
SPEAKER_00
So they went inside, got everybody, presumably.
3
SPEAKER_00
But this guy is screeching back towards us.
3
SPEAKER_00
He stops in front of us and he reaches into the back of his car.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, great.
3
SPEAKER_00
And he pulls out a baseball bat.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, OK.
3
SPEAKER_00
Only slightly preferable to a gun.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Dax and Monica, I ve never been so happy to find out that a guy s pulling a baseball bat.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, exactly.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
I was like, it s not a gun.
3
SPEAKER_00
All right.
3
SPEAKER_00
All right.
3
SPEAKER_00
We can maybe deal with this, but a gun, we can t.
3
SPEAKER_00
Right.
3
SPEAKER_00
He starts charging us.
3
SPEAKER_00
And when he gets close, my focus is on that bat.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like if I get that bat, my buddy here can take care of the rest.
3
SPEAKER_00
He either holds on to the bat and has one hand or he lets it go.
3
SPEAKER_00
I can get rid of the bat and he s got two of us.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I m staring at the bat, staring at the bat.
3
SPEAKER_00
And he hits me in the Adam s apple.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, he punched you.
3
SPEAKER_04
Oh, wow.
3
SPEAKER_04
Oh, my God.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Dax, you can please back me up on this.
3
SPEAKER_00
When you get hit normally in a fight, you don t feel it at the time.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, not at all.
3
SPEAKER_00
Your adrenaline s pumping.
3
SPEAKER_00
I can tell you.
4
SPEAKER_03
you feel it right away when someone hits you in the Adam s apple.
4
SPEAKER_03
Good tip.
4
SPEAKER_03
Good to know.
4
SPEAKER_03
Wow.
4
SPEAKER_03
Wow.
4
SPEAKER_03
Wow.
4
SPEAKER_03
Did you feel like you couldn t breathe right away?
4
SPEAKER_03
I don t remember that.
4
SPEAKER_01
I just remember it being the only time I ve ever been hit where I actually felt pain right away.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh, interesting.
4
SPEAKER_01
And maybe someone can write in.
4
SPEAKER_01
We ll have an Adam s apple episode.
4
SPEAKER_01
Crazy Adam apple story.
4
SPEAKER_01
So I grabbed the bat.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then when I turn around, I realized my buddy, the bouncer, he ran back inside.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh, he left.
4
SPEAKER_02
Oh, Jesus Christ.
4
SPEAKER_01
He had to take a squirt or he didn t want to be involved with this guy.
4
SPEAKER_01
I think he just saw the bat and just wasn t having it.
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
4
SPEAKER_01
I just knew that this guy could not get back into that girl.
4
SPEAKER_01
But luckily a lot of guys did run out.
4
SPEAKER_01
The girls did go in and tell them like, Hey, go outside.
4
SPEAKER_01
I need help.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then my roommate at the time, he s the first one to get there to start hitting him as I m still holding the bat.
4
SPEAKER_01
So I did get the bat.
4
SPEAKER_01
We ll just jump forward to the point where he wants to get away from us.
4
SPEAKER_01
We get him into the car.
4
SPEAKER_01
He drives away.
4
SPEAKER_01
The cops get there very quickly, by the way.
4
SPEAKER_01
And one of the cops looked down, saw his shoes, his glasses, which were all broken, and the bat on the ground.
4
SPEAKER_01
And he s just like, man, you guys really fucked this kid up, huh?
4
SPEAKER_03
Sounds so new England, the story.
4
SPEAKER_02
It s very good while hunting.
4
SPEAKER_03
It is.
4
SPEAKER_03
It is.
4
SPEAKER_03
It is going to be a Detroit story too.
4
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, that s good.
4
SPEAKER_03
I was going to say that s got to be interchangeable.
4
SPEAKER_03
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_03
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_03
I think so.
4
SPEAKER_03
So the cops go, okay, you guys really fucked this guy up.
4
SPEAKER_03
We re not going to say good job, but good job.
4
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, exactly.
4
SPEAKER_01
So he drove towards the nearest bridge, which was the only way out on that side.
4
SPEAKER_01
The cops got there.
4
SPEAKER_01
They got them.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh, wonderful.
4
SPEAKER_01
So we still have this girl who s at the bar.
4
SPEAKER_01
She has no phone.
4
SPEAKER_01
She has no money.
4
SPEAKER_01
She lives an hour away and we can t even get a cab to come get her because no cab service this area.
4
SPEAKER_01
So finally the cops get a cab to come out because we re talking 2010 here.
4
SPEAKER_01
There s no Uber or anything.
4
SPEAKER_01
And the whole bar gets together, puts in five, 10 bucks each, and we pay for her whole cab ride.
4
SPEAKER_01
She s off.
4
SPEAKER_01
She s safe.
4
SPEAKER_01
Good job, boys.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then I hadn t heard anything for about a month.
4
SPEAKER_01
Then all of a sudden like late one night, like 2.30, I had sent everyone else home.
4
SPEAKER_01
I hear the door open.
4
SPEAKER_01
So one of the other guys must ve left the door open.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I m like, shit, I have a ton of money here.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like, what am I going to do?
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it s a uniformed police officer.
4
SPEAKER_01
So I m like, cool.
4
SPEAKER_01
And he s like, oh, are you so and so?
4
SPEAKER_01
And he used my full name.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, yeah, what s going on?
4
SPEAKER_01
And he goes, oh, you re under arrest.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh, so my heart s like going a mile a minute.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m like ready to get cuffed.
4
SPEAKER_01
And he goes, no, I m just messing with you, man.
4
SPEAKER_02
Oh, again, welcome to New England.
4
SPEAKER_02
Oh, my God, Boston.
4
SPEAKER_02
What the hell?
4
SPEAKER_01
I was like, that s not funny.
4
SPEAKER_01
That s not funny at all.
4
SPEAKER_03
It is to him and his buddies.
4
SPEAKER_01
And he goes, yeah, but I had you.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, yeah, yeah, you did.
4
SPEAKER_01
And he goes, no, but I m just kidding.
4
SPEAKER_01
You are subpoenaed.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh, okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
We can live with that.
4
SPEAKER_01
So then I end up going to court.
4
SPEAKER_01
I find out that this guy already has assault charges.
4
SPEAKER_01
So he s already on trial from an assault on a different state.
4
SPEAKER_01
I actually didn t have to testify.
4
SPEAKER_01
He took a plea deal for three years.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh, no kidding.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m guessing his other trial was pretty bad.
4
SPEAKER_02
Thank God she escaped.
4
SPEAKER_03
We never did find out what his intentions were.
4
SPEAKER_03
I mean, I gotta imagine they weren t great, but what exactly were they?
4
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, I don t know.
4
SPEAKER_01
I ve thought about that too.
4
SPEAKER_01
He seemed like a nice guy before he flipped, you know what I mean?
4
SPEAKER_01
Right.
4
SPEAKER_01
But obviously she was getting not good vibes, so I don t know what happened there.
4
SPEAKER_01
Or it was the hour long car ride.
4
SPEAKER_01
What kind of car was he driving?
4
SPEAKER_01
It was silver, probably like a Nissan Sentra or something like that.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like a small compact.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay, 6 5 and a compact.
4
SPEAKER_01
No, he was more than 6 5.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_03
He s six, five, right, right, right.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_03
I don t know how he fit in there, but it was some sort of small compact that was old even at the time.
4
SPEAKER_03
Oh my gosh.
4
SPEAKER_03
Well, Tom, what an incredible story.
4
SPEAKER_03
That s kind of my dream story.
4
SPEAKER_03
You know, I have this complex about being a sheriff and a savior.
4
SPEAKER_03
You really rose to the occasion.
4
SPEAKER_03
I hope you feel great about it.
4
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_03
I m older now.
4
SPEAKER_03
So I m like, what the hell was I thinking?
4
SPEAKER_03
That s the time though.
4
SPEAKER_03
You got to get those over with and then you shift gears into safety mode.
4
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_03
If you feel in danger at all, always go to the bartender.
4
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
They re the ones that are going to know exactly what to do.
4
SPEAKER_01
They know what the bounces are.
4
SPEAKER_01
They know everything.
4
SPEAKER_03
They ve seen all the shit.
4
SPEAKER_03
So who s with you in the room?
4
SPEAKER_03
We got to say hi to them.
4
SPEAKER_03
Oh, hello.
4
SPEAKER_03
Who s this?
4
SPEAKER_03
I m Carly.
4
SPEAKER_03
So nice to meet you.
4
SPEAKER_03
Hi, Carly.
4
SPEAKER_03
I have such an affinity for that name.
4
SPEAKER_00
I know it s a good one, right?
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_03
Carly Simon, my little sister.
4
SPEAKER_03
Me now.
4
SPEAKER_03
You got a real tall son of a bitch on your arm here, don t you?
4
SPEAKER_00
I did good.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m 5 10 myself.
4
SPEAKER_03
I hope you have a MBA center.
4
SPEAKER_00
I know, right?
4
SPEAKER_00
I paid for that college.
4
SPEAKER_03
Well, we love Tom.
4
SPEAKER_00
He s so cute.
4
SPEAKER_00
That was a great story.
4
SPEAKER_00
Very heroic.
4
SPEAKER_00
Now I m like, can we just not fight people in general?
4
SPEAKER_00
Can we not get into these situations to begin with?
4
SPEAKER_00
That s fair.
4
SPEAKER_03
Keep talking me up.
4
SPEAKER_03
It s great.
4
SPEAKER_03
That s very fair for you to ask at this point.
4
SPEAKER_03
Well, it s so nice meeting both of you.
4
SPEAKER_00
So nice to meet you.
4
SPEAKER_00
We absolutely love your podcast.
4
SPEAKER_00
We have like nothing in common in terms of content that we like to take in.
4
SPEAKER_00
He likes to watch World War II documentaries.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m a reality TV person.
4
SPEAKER_00
So this is like our common ground.
4
SPEAKER_03
I m delighted that s the case.
4
SPEAKER_03
And I too love a good World War II doc.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I like some good old reality TV.
4
SPEAKER_03
You love a Bachelor.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Well, Carly, so much nice meeting you.
4
SPEAKER_03
Tell Tom that we really enjoyed meeting him.
4
SPEAKER_00
So nice to meet you guys.
4
SPEAKER_00
Thanks so much.
4
SPEAKER_00
Bye.
4
SPEAKER_03
What a story.
4
SPEAKER_02
Bartenders, they re in the fray.
4
SPEAKER_03
It s adjacent to me wanting to work at seven 11.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_02
It has that vibe.
4
SPEAKER_03
I mean, it s probably too late for me to become a bartender, but maybe in my retirement.
4
SPEAKER_03
All right.
4
SPEAKER_03
Well boy, that was great.
4
SPEAKER_03
I thought it would be because of bartenders.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_03
Sabrina.
4
SPEAKER_03
Wow.
4
SPEAKER_02
Oh yeah.
4
SPEAKER_03
Sabrina story.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_02
The old timers.
4
SPEAKER_02
Don t forget.
4
SPEAKER_02
I won t forget.
4
SPEAKER_03
Don t forget because Tom tainted your palate a little bit.
4
SPEAKER_03
Cause it was violent and scary, but go back to the retirees.
4
SPEAKER_03
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_03
You re good.
4
SPEAKER_03
Right where you re at.
4
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_02
All right.
4
SPEAKER_02
Bye.
4
SPEAKER_03
Love you.
4
SPEAKER_03
Do you wanna sing a tune or something, or a theme song?
4
SPEAKER_03
Oh.
4
SPEAKER_03
Okay, great.
4
SPEAKER_02
We don t have a theme song for this new show, so here I go, go, go.
4
SPEAKER_02
We re gonna ask some random questions, and with the help of armchairs, we ll get some suggestions on the fly, right?