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 Bring a little optimism into your life with The Bright Side, a new kind of daily podcast from Hello Sunshine, hosted by me, Danielle Robay.
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And me, Simone Boyce.
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Every weekday, we're bringing you conversations about culture, the latest trends, inspiration, and so much more.
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I am so excited about this podcast, The Bright Side.
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You guys are giving people a chance to shine a light on their lives, shine a light on a little advice that they want to share.
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 Listen to The Bright Side on America's number one podcast network, iHeart.
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Open your free iHeart app and search The Bright Side.
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 At one of the most famous restaurants in the world, there's a table in the corner where the most incredible conversations on the planet are happening every week with owner Ruthie Rogers and amazing guests like Martha Stewart, Jimmy Fallon, and Paul McCartney.
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Ruthie's Table 4.
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Listen to Ruthie's Table 4 on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.
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 A new season of Bridgerton is here.
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And with it, a new season of Bridgerton, the official podcast.
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I'm your host, Gabby Collins.
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And this season, we are bringing fans even deeper into the ton.
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Watch season three of the Shondaland series on Netflix.
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Then fall in love all over again by listening to Bridgerton, the official podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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Subscribe to catch a new episode every Thursday.
0
SPEAKER_03
 Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health and wellness podcast in the world, thanks to each and every one of you.
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Today's episode is from a conversation between me and Sid Malhotra.
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Sid is an accomplished Indian actor.
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If you haven't seen his work, make sure you check it out.
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Today, our conversation is about the cultural bias that is resistant to talking about mental health openly.
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 specifically in the South Asian community but in many across the world and maybe you can relate.
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For many communities, supportive frameworks for mental health is deeply stigmatized.
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My conversation with Sid will lay bare some strategies that he has employed with his loved ones that will inspire those of you who may be struggling with cultural stigma around mental health.
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 Sid and I had this conversation over Instagram Live a few weeks back during my Mental Health Day series.
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And I'm really excited to share this conversation with you today on On Purpose.
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Share what you learned from it or any questions that come up for you and tag Sid and I on Instagram.
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 Sid, how's it going?
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It's so good to see you, man.
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Thank you so much for doing this.
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And Sid, how are you doing today?
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I'm good, man.
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I'm really excited to be here, to use our platform for something which is positive and happy, is what I'm happy to be a part of.
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And, you know, learn something, say something, and let's hopefully, you know, people see some sense of positivity and happiness in their day.
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 Absolutely.
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I want to take a moment to credit Sid, because we reconnected recently on Instagram, and then we were talking on WhatsApp.
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And he just, when he reached out, he's just saying, Jay, you know what?
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I just want to do something good with my platform.
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I want to help people.
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And I really acknowledge you for that, Sid.
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It's truly special.
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I mean, you're a man who needs no introduction.
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You're an incredible actor, a fashion guru as well.
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But you know, to want to do good in the world, which is what your heart really is in the conversations we had,
0
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 And I think that's really special, man.
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So I appreciate you deeply.
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 No, I'm a great admirer of all the words that you say on social media to help people.
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And that's how I was thinking all throughout this lockdown in India that, you know, it's great we have this platform.
0
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You know, even you have a great, massive voice today.
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I have it all thanks to, you know, the work over the years.
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So I feel it's somewhat our duty to kind of, you know, at least have an attempt to give something positive.
0
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 Especially in today's day and age, man.
0
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Today, hate is selling so much.
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And no one's spared.
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I remember you and I talking about it.
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Like even you get stuff which is there.
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I mean, actors for sure.
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I think we have far more easy target.
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And being criticized is a part of our job at times.
0
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Like of course, some people like something, some people don't.
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But when they get personal or when it's become a trend,
0
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 to say use your anonymity on being anonymous on social media and just say anything on the comment section.
0
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It's just, it's sad.
0
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So I think here's my attempt with so much of yours to give something out positive on this universe of social media.
0
SPEAKER_03
 Yeah, I love that, man.
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SPEAKER_03
Everything you've just shared so far has already been so insightful.
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Tell us about, I know there's one topic we really wanted to dive in together.
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And I think it's really important that we dive into it together.
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You know, you're born and raised in India.
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You work in India primarily.
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 Born and raised in London.
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You know, for both of us, being in the South Asian community, we were talking a lot about how the South Asian community struggles sometimes with talking about mental health.
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SPEAKER_03
And I hear that too, whether it's in comments or people who message me on, you know, DM or whatever it may be.
0
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And it's tough in the South Asian community to talk about mental health because often we expect ourselves and each other to have it all together and kind of have a perfect life.
0
SPEAKER_03
 Tell us about some of the things you've noticed or observed in that area and that you think would be useful to people listening today.
0
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Well, I grew up in a middle-class Punjabi household in New Delhi, which is the northern part of India.
0
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And there I feel we anyway struggle with communicating, especially men, I would say, especially with our fathers.
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 As I grew up, there is a kind of stigma to not talk about if they're not feeling well or they're stressed about something.
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They feel it's a sign of weakness to talk about it.
0
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And I think it festers from
0
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 us just putting so much pressure on our kids in our lives like we feel like oh my god like as soon as a child is born we need to do some everything which is which is useful everything has to go to a direction of either making a lot of money or getting married whether you're a man or a woman um and
0
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 You have no, you have no other space to be weak.
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You have no space to be, to be, you know, saying that I'm not feeling up and about today.
0
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Why?
0
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Come on, go to school or go to your college.
0
SPEAKER_02
So I grew up in a household just like that with me and my little brother.
0
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And, uh, it took me, I think in my mid twenties, when I did come to Bombay, when I was 21, 22 to actually tell my dad, like, uh, you know, we, we kept having conversations for the first six, eight months.
0
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 And we always ended on a just a simple bye, very, very courteous.
0
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But, and after a year, I started really missing family and you know, you're by yourself.
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And I told my dad, I said, okay, okay, dad, love you.
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Bye.
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And it was just silence.
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And he just kept the phone down.
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He was just off.
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And I'm
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 Come on, it's normal that I have to go to Delhi next time and make him sit down on that sofa and have a chat with him about why do we not say I love you to each other in the end, you know, whether it's you and mom, me and you.
0
SPEAKER_02
And I realized that it's just culturally we're lacking a sense of
0
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 like training or like we don't, nobody's taught us when we were growing up, nobody's taught us to, to tell, talk about our issues because it's considered weak.
0
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And, um, which is completely wrong because as soon as I got out, I realized what real life really hits you.
0
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Like, you know, I didn't know anybody in Bombay, you know, I was lucky enough to meet friends who let me stay at their houses.
0
SPEAKER_02
 Um, you know, we, we were barely making enough money to, to go to auditions and stuff.
0
SPEAKER_02
And that's where, what I learned in the last safe 13, 14 years, I wish someone would have told me when I was growing up in my teens or, or, you know, when I just about, I, I even feel it should happen in schools, man.
0
SPEAKER_02
Uh, but I mean, that's a separate.
0
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 together, but it has to break.
0
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I think conversations like these or people now talking about it far more openly in today's day and age is changing.
0
SPEAKER_02
I didn't have anybody while growing up, we didn't have social media.
0
SPEAKER_02
I mean, you and I are almost the same generation.
0
SPEAKER_02
And I wish I had books or I had knowledge or I had YouTube at that time to say, yeah, your talks.
0
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And I feel today,
0
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 I'm more at ease talking about anxiety, which we, I mean, we are the most volatile profession in the world.
0
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Being an actor in any field on stage or in movies or on television is never constant.
0
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There's always so many ups and downs.
0
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 And sometimes people think that we have it all and we have it easy.
0
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But I've lived most of my life not being an actor.
0
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At least for the first 26-27 years.
0
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And now I've lived the past few years... You know, it's only today.
0
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It's actually... It's been 8 years almost by tomorrow that I became an actor.
0
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So... Congratulations, man.
0
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It's been 8 years.
0
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It's only been 8 years.
0
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And I feel... That's what I feel.
0
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I think it's...
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 There is so much to talk about in terms of handling anxiety.
0
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I think we need to know that it happens to everyone.
0
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I think anyone who's saying he's never felt anxious or felt low, they're just lying to themselves and to others and they're just pretending and it's sad because they feel
0
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 They can't talk to other people.
0
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I think one needs to change that.
0
SPEAKER_02
 I think chats, which was talking about, like, if you're wearing somebody else's clothes, if you're, you know, living somebody else's life, it's difficult.
0
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It's claustrophobic.
0
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And I think that's what I see my friends and family sometimes going through in other parts of society.
0
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Or even, say, us, per se, as actors, we have to put up a persona.
0
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 at times and it can get exhausting.
0
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And it kind of took me this many years to realize it's okay to not be in a great mood all the time.
0
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I'm not saying be outright rude.
0
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 But I'm like, you know, I need to take that half an hour and contemplate before I go and meet people.
0
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Or it's when I'm shooting.
0
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Or it's when I have to deal with something that's not gone my way.
0
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So I feel, especially being an actor, it's about dealing with failures.
0
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 It's still working after, you know, seeing failures.
0
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It's a lot to do with failures.
0
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It's not hardly in any actor's lifetime that they would say that they've always had it, you know, their way.
0
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Everybody has phases.
0
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So I think that's where my expertise would come in today is just to tell people that it's...
0
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 They are not alone.
0
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And everyone has their days.
0
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And failure doesn't, it's never the end of the world.
0
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I don't think anyone's, very few unlucky ones really have to go through those situations that one act or that one particular day would define the rest of their lives.
0
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I think we put too much pressure on ourselves.
0
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And we need to start teaching our kids to deal with
0
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 emotions and talk about things as opposed to always telling them that don't talk about it.
0
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It's weak.
0
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You just have to concentrate.
0
SPEAKER_03
That's amazing, man.
0
SPEAKER_03
What an amazing message.
0
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Everyone who's listening and watching, I hope you're allowing these incredible insights and just, quite frankly, just the vulnerability that Sid's sharing with.
0
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Just allowing it in because I think the overall message that I'm hearing from Sid
0
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 is that there's no one in the world who doesn't experience anxiety, who doesn't experience a low day, no matter how much money you have or fame you have or followers you have or whatever any of that stuff we all have or anyone doesn't have.
0
SPEAKER_03
 that doesn't change that human emotion of feeling.
0
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And I think sometimes we're programmed to believe that when we get to that next stage, when I get that award, when I get that job, when I get that promotion, then somehow this will all disappear.
0
SPEAKER_03
But that's not true.
0
SPEAKER_03
Everyone at all stages in their career and their relationships will experience this.
0
SPEAKER_03
And therefore, we have to get more comfortable with talking about it, with experiencing it,
0
SPEAKER_03
 because it's not going to just disappear or not going to go away.
0
SPEAKER_03
And what Sid said very beautifully is that it's okay.
0
SPEAKER_03
It's okay that not every day you're having the best day of your life.
0
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I actually felt more anxious after becoming an actor.
0
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I think maybe because I had no reference, point of reference as to what a struggling actor needs to do or doesn't need to do.
0
SPEAKER_02
Then I got into assistant direction.
0
SPEAKER_02
So even a small little job or an ad film or a shoot used to give me that high for the rest of the month.
0
SPEAKER_02
 I rent and I've made salary.
0
SPEAKER_02
Oh, wow, I'm assisting on a film now when I get to learn so much.
0
SPEAKER_02
Oddly, after when I became an actor is all these things that are stemming in because I wasn't trained for it.
0
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I don't come from a family where anyone's, you know, been this in limelight and an unknown face.
0
SPEAKER_02
So when people say, oh my God, he's successful.
0
SPEAKER_02
 And, you know, so everything must be sorted.
0
SPEAKER_02
What do you have?
0
SPEAKER_02
You have money, you have fame and, you know, you're working every day.
0
SPEAKER_02
Those are just, I mean, those are something, they have nothing to do with, say, mental health.
0
SPEAKER_02
We have a different level.
0
SPEAKER_02
Everybody has their levels of, you know, judging certain situations.
0
SPEAKER_06
 When you find that bright spot to help you get through your day, it's powerful.
0
SPEAKER_08
That's where The Bright Side comes in.
0
SPEAKER_08
A new daily podcast from Hello Sunshine that's bringing you a daily dose of joy.
0
SPEAKER_08
I'm Danielle Robay.
0
SPEAKER_06
And I'm Simone Boyce.
0
SPEAKER_06
Listen, both Danielle and I are reporters.
0
SPEAKER_06
We've covered the news and we know the world can feel heavy, but The Bright Side podcast is a space to have a little fun, to learn something new and get into some friendly debates.
0
SPEAKER_08
 That's right, join us five days a week to see how life can look from the bright side.
0
SPEAKER_08
We'll hear from celebrities, authors, experts, and listeners like you.
0
SPEAKER_06
Whether it's relationships, friend advice, or figuring out how to navigate life's transitions, we'll talk through it all together.
0
SPEAKER_08
Listen to The Bright Side from Hello Sunshine every weekday on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
0
SPEAKER_04
 A new season of Bridgerton is here.
0
SPEAKER_04
And with it, a new season of Bridgerton, the official podcast.
0
SPEAKER_04
I'm your host, Gabrielle Collins.
0
SPEAKER_04
And this season, we are bringing fans even deeper into the ton.
0
SPEAKER_04
Colin Bridgerton has returned from his travels abroad.
0
SPEAKER_04
Is Betrothal written in the stars for the eligible bachelor?
0
SPEAKER_04
 Meanwhile, the ton is reverberating with speculation of who holds Lady Whistledown's pen.
0
SPEAKER_04
We're discussing it all.
0
SPEAKER_04
I sit down with Nicola Coughlin, Luke Newton, Shonda Rhimes, and more to offer an exclusive peek behind the scenes of each episode of the new season.
0
SPEAKER_04
 Watch season three of the Shondaland series on Netflix.
0
SPEAKER_04
Then fall in love all over again by listening to Bridgerton, the official podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
0
SPEAKER_04
Subscribe to catch a new episode every Thursday.
0
SPEAKER_05
 When the Taliban banned music in Afghanistan, millions were plunged into silence.
0
SPEAKER_05
Radios were smashed.
0
SPEAKER_05
Cassettes burned.
0
SPEAKER_05
You could be beaten or jailed or killed for breaking the rules.
0
SPEAKER_05
And yet, Afghans did it anyway.
0
SPEAKER_05
This is the story of how a group of people brought music back to Afghanistan by creating their own version of American Idol.
0
SPEAKER_05
 The danger they endured.
0
SPEAKER_01
They said my head should be cut off.
0
SPEAKER_05
The joy they brought to the nation.
0
SPEAKER_02
You're free completely.
0
SPEAKER_02
No one is there to destroy you.
0
SPEAKER_05
I'm John Legend.
0
SPEAKER_05
Listen to Afghan Star on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
0
SPEAKER_02
 If you had to give a younger me advice, for example, if I came to you like, say, 10 years ago, I was like, Jay, I'm a struggling actor.
0
SPEAKER_02
I am in my mid-20s.
0
SPEAKER_02
And I don't know where my future lies.
0
SPEAKER_02
My family can't provide me all the financial security.
0
SPEAKER_02
Do I need to have a deadline that I spend to achieve my passion?
0
SPEAKER_02
Or is it something I can do?
0
SPEAKER_02
 to just be more at present and not live in the future?
0
SPEAKER_02
What would you say to kids like me who want to be actors or in any creative field?
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, absolutely.
0
SPEAKER_03
That's a great question.
0
SPEAKER_03
I think the first thing I'd say is that
0
SPEAKER_03
 the understanding of living your purpose has three elements to it.
0
SPEAKER_03
So passion is one of the three.
0
SPEAKER_03
It's passion, strengths, and compassion.
0
SPEAKER_03
So if you really want to live an effective purposeful life, you have to find something that has the synergy between these three.
0
SPEAKER_03
So if you take someone like you, you're passionate about acting.
0
SPEAKER_03
You've worked on developing the strengths and the skills to actually be a good actor.
0
SPEAKER_03
 And you do it because you want to make other people happy.
0
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You talked to me about that previously, where you have a desire that your work has a positive impact on people.
0
SPEAKER_03
So when people are chasing their passion, the question I often ask people is, are you also interested in chasing your skills and strengths that are needed to make that passion a reality?
0
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Because if you're not willing to do that work and that sacrifice,
0
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 then it's probably a better idea that you choose something else.
0
SPEAKER_03
And so having that very real, honest look at yourself and saying, am I ready?
0
SPEAKER_03
Am I really so passionate about this that I'm willing to work and train and develop and go through those tough times with no money and less support and less stability?
0
SPEAKER_03
 And you have to be okay with that in your mind first before you experience it.
0
SPEAKER_03
At the same time, what I would suggest to a lot of young people is that now's the time to invest in your mental health.
0
SPEAKER_03
Don't wait till something goes wrong or something bad happens in your family or in your life.
0
SPEAKER_03
 before you start to switch to it.
0
SPEAKER_03
So ask yourself right now, are you taking care of your mental health?
0
SPEAKER_03
Are you taking care of your physical health?
0
SPEAKER_03
Are you really allowing yourself to be in a position to flourish and boom?
0
SPEAKER_03
Or actually, are you putting yourself in a very vulnerable position where your mental health can be affected?
0
SPEAKER_03
So I would say that chasing your passion and taking care of your mental health can go hand in hand.
0
SPEAKER_03
 And if they do go hand-in-hand, you're more likely to last the test of time.
0
SPEAKER_03
What would you have liked to hear?
0
SPEAKER_03
I want to hear that.
0
SPEAKER_03
What was the advice that you would have liked to have heard at that time?
0
SPEAKER_02
No, firstly, absolutely.
0
SPEAKER_02
I think to spend a number of hours working on the craft, on the skill.
0
SPEAKER_02
Whether you want to be an athlete, whether you want to be an actor, a singer, if you're willing to spend that many hours working on the craft, I think that's...
0
SPEAKER_02
 that is more important than waiting for that one break.
0
SPEAKER_02
Because I remember I went into, say, assistant direction behind the camera because I had no clue what a film set looked like.
0
SPEAKER_02
And I was lucky enough to be on a massive film called My Name Is Khan with the best people in the business and just be giving clap and working.
0
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And that took about a year and a half of my life.
0
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And I actually loved the process.
0
SPEAKER_02
So it kind of also connects you with your passion.
0
SPEAKER_02
 So, as I said, oddly, at that time, I was on a high.
0
SPEAKER_02
I was on a set where Shah Rukh Khan and Kajol are performing and, you know, I get to be an AD.
0
SPEAKER_02
It's only when one, you know, gets that responsibility of being an actor themselves and trying to entertain people is where you battle with, okay, how do I handle the situation?
0
SPEAKER_02
 You can't please everyone.
0
SPEAKER_02
And not that you should not attempt to as a performer, but to know that it'll never be 100% response or review when people see your stuff or anything, singing, dancing, or being an athlete.
0
SPEAKER_02
So I felt if a younger me would have gotten
0
SPEAKER_02
 Just, I don't know, it's tough to articulate what, it would just be somebody from that field or somebody from just telling you that the next day that you feel is like the end of everything or this audition is the be all and end all.
0
SPEAKER_02
It's not, life will give you, not a second chance, but I think you can't, it's doing no good to put all that focus on a thing that, oh my God,
0
SPEAKER_02
 Because you get into a negative, negative zone.
0
SPEAKER_02
I used to get into a very anxious, you know, negative zone.
0
SPEAKER_02
Like, oh my God, if this doesn't work out.
0
SPEAKER_02
And I would start thinking about that weekend, you know, 10, 10 days before.
0
SPEAKER_02
And I missed out my 10 days.
0
SPEAKER_02
I could have done something else.
0
SPEAKER_02
I could have done something more productive with those 10 days.
0
SPEAKER_02
But the anxiety of building it up, you know, before those 10 days, oh my God.
0
SPEAKER_02
 It's on the 10th.
0
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_02
I'm on the first of the week, first of the month.
0
SPEAKER_02
Oh my God.
0
SPEAKER_02
Uh, but it wasn't productive.
0
SPEAKER_02
I wish somebody would have told me a product to use those, those 10 days, uh, pre to any big event of their life.
0
SPEAKER_02
 You know, stress does never help anyone.
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And I used to be, you know, sweating and a bunch of, like, nervous.
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And we still are.
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All actors are.
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I think all actors still relate.
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When our movies release, there's an immense amount of anxiety that come in, whether you, I've spoken to senior actors, you know, whether you're working for 10 years or 20 years or 25 years.
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So I think you can't change that situation.
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 But one can only change themselves.
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And yeah, I would be looking for that practical advice for those 10 days before my exam, match, performance, whatever you want to call it.
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 Yeah, I think it's really important you said that because one of the things that I've done is I've realized that every time I do something new, or I have a new launch, or a new interview, or a new meeting, like I was nervous before I spoke to you the first time.
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And that's a good thing, like I like that, and I've trained my mind to recognize that that's actually excitement.
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 that there is a sense of excitement in that nervousness.
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And that if you start to look for that excitement, then actually you start to realize, oh, wait a minute, I am nervous and anxious, but there's a part of me that's also very excited and like, I'm going to discover something new.
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But one thing that's really helped me with anxiety is breathwork.
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So breathing and meditation has helped me so much.
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And, you know, obviously in Indian culture, meditation and prayer is a huge part of your life, young.
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 But to really use breath work to slow down your heart rate and to bring down your pace of breath and to deepen your breath, it biologically changes how you feel.
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And I think that's what's so powerful about breathing is that whenever I feel nervous, if I'm about to go on stage in front of 10,000, 30,000 people, or if I'm about to go on TV for an interview, or if I'm just walking into a new meeting where I don't know the person,
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 I focus on breathing in for a count of four, one, two, three, four, and you breathe out for more than four.
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So you breathe out for more than four.
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And when you breathe in and out in that way, you just start to slow down your whole body and mind and you just get out of your head.
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And my favorite technique
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 which I was trained in as a monk, but is also used by therapists and psychologists today, is often when you get lost in your head, that's what anxiety is, right?
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You feel it in your head, like your mind's just going crazy.
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This technique is known as a grounding technique.
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It's fantastic.
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And it's called the 5-4-3-2-1 method.
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 So when you're too stuck in your head and you're feeling anxious, you ask yourself, what are the five things I can see in this room right now?
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So I can see the ceiling.
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I can see the floor.
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I can see the wall.
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I can see that painting behind you.
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I can see my bed.
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And you say, what are the four things I can touch?
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So I can touch my shirt.
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I can touch my trousers.
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I can touch the chair.
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And I'm feeling the coolness of the table.
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I have a marble table in front of me.
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It's cool.
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But this chair is slightly warmer.
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 And then what are the three things I can hear?
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So you just be silent for a second.
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Go, what are the three things I can hear?
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So I hear my wife upstairs.
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I hear some birds outside.
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And then I hear the sound from my phone and my laptop.
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What are the two things that I can smell?
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So you just breathe in.
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 What are the scents and what's the one thing I can taste?
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And so when you do this 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 technique, you get out of your head and you get into the present moment, which allows you to take a breath and get away from your anxiety.
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So those are two things that I've definitely used, uh, that have been really powerful for me, especially in those before something big days.
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 Oh, wow.
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So that's pretty much you're covering all your senses.
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That'd be interesting, because in most of our, say, acting workshops, that's what we do, like a lot of breath work and manipulating emotions.
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It's got a lot to do with, say, your breath.
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You would exhale, and when you're crying, you would inhale more differently.
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So it's kind of a rhythm.
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But those are interesting techniques, man.
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I'm going to use it for my next event.
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For me as well, I think yoga has been a great, great help.
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 Recent times, recent months, I've done more extensive yoga because of the time that I get.
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And it's, again, about breath.
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And it's different.
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Like, when they talk about prana and yoga, the squat I do in the gym is different when I'm squatting if I would do yoga in it because, you know, it's a different kind of breath.
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It's a different kind of strength that you need.
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 And for me, that has technically helped me to just, you know, go more inwards and really observe.
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And I was lucky enough to have a good teacher as well.
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So I think it's addictive now.
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Yes, I do it, say, at least twice or thrice a week.
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I have to, you know, go onto the mat.