0
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_01
So what time is it?
0
SPEAKER_01
It is 9.52 PM.
0
SPEAKER_01
And where did we just come from?
0
SPEAKER_00
What did we just do?
0
SPEAKER_00
We went on a plane double date.
0
SPEAKER_00
We did it.
0
SPEAKER_00
And then we sat in the car in silence listening to Taylor Swift so that we wouldn t talk about it so that we could share it with all of you.
0
SPEAKER_00
That s right.
0
SPEAKER_01
We decided we would come straight home.
0
SPEAKER_01
and wait and process this all aloud for all of you.
0
SPEAKER_01
So we have not talked about what just happened.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m like, I don t know.
0
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
0
SPEAKER_01
I have so many thoughts.
0
SPEAKER_01
Please share.
0
SPEAKER_01
What s the first one?
0
SPEAKER_01
The first one is
0
SPEAKER_01
Everyone should do that.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like really, I think this is a true hack.
0
SPEAKER_01
And here s part of one of the outfits I almost wore.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God.
0
SPEAKER_01
We re also recording in my apartment and it is a disaster.
0
SPEAKER_01
I think one of the reasons it s a hack is I was not, this might be bad, I don t know, but I don t
0
SPEAKER_01
have any negative judgment on either of them.
0
SPEAKER_01
But I think it s because the environment we created, it didn t have that normal date vibe where you re evaluating the other person.
0
SPEAKER_01
It was just having fun and chatting.
0
SPEAKER_01
So even just on the ride home listening to Taylor, I was like, do I like them?
0
SPEAKER_01
And of course the first thought was, yes, they re great.
0
SPEAKER_01
I can t think of anything negative, but I know
0
SPEAKER_01
100% for certain.
0
SPEAKER_01
If I was on a one-on-one date with either of those two, I would have had negative stuff.
0
100%.
0
SPEAKER_01
Because I d be looking at it through that lens.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like so much of it is just how you fucking look at the world.
0
SPEAKER_00
This wasn t a job interview.
0
SPEAKER_00
It was like a hangout.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah yeah you don t go into a date just or maybe we did like I don t know a long time ago but like in our 30s I feel like I don t approach it with the same kind of levity that the goal should be to have fun.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah no steaks.
0
SPEAKER_01
No steaks.
0
SPEAKER_01
And no steaks because we didn t get meat dishes.
0
SPEAKER_01
We didn t.
0
SPEAKER_00
It was all vegan because of me.
0
SPEAKER_01
No no no no.
0
SPEAKER_01
They got some meat.
0
SPEAKER_01
They did?
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, they got chicken.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh, okay, good.
0
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I like that he paid a lot of attention to the fact that I was vegetarian.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yes, both were very adult.
0
SPEAKER_01
They were not boys.
0
SPEAKER_01
No, I appreciated that a lot.
0
SPEAKER_01
They walked us to the car after and which I really was not expecting because we were together.
0
SPEAKER_01
I wouldn t know why we re together, but it was just nice.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like they were really nice.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God.
0
SPEAKER_01
But as soon as we got there, me and you were there first, and we were like, how are we going to sit?
0
SPEAKER_01
How are we going to arrange the seating?
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
Are we face to face?
0
SPEAKER_01
Are we next to each other?
0
SPEAKER_01
Exactly.
0
SPEAKER_01
So we sat next to each other.
0
SPEAKER_01
I sat in the booth furthest.
0
SPEAKER_01
And then you sat aisle.
0
SPEAKER_01
I did.
0
SPEAKER_01
I sat window.
0
SPEAKER_01
You sat aisle.
0
SPEAKER_00
Which is a preferred seating.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it is.
0
SPEAKER_00
And then my guy sat in front of you.
0
SPEAKER_00
Across from me.
0
SPEAKER_00
And then your guy, yeah, sat across from me.
0
SPEAKER_01
I know.
0
SPEAKER_01
And as soon as that happened, I was like, uh-oh.
0
SPEAKER_01
I kind of— Did you have a little panic?
0
SPEAKER_00
I did.
0
SPEAKER_00
Well, it took me 20 minutes into the date that I was like, oh, right.
0
SPEAKER_00
This is the wrong order.
0
SPEAKER_00
But also, like, great.
0
SPEAKER_00
And, like, going with the flow.
0
SPEAKER_00
You know what?
0
SPEAKER_00
That seating arrangement is probably what kept it like a fun group thing because there was no pressure for me and him or for you and the other guy to, like, connect.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
0
SPEAKER_00
To, like, bridge off.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh, wow.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh, my God.
0
SPEAKER_01
So that s part of the hack.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay, so you do diagonals.
0
SPEAKER_00
Wait, so how do you feel?
0
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I already have a text.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God.
0
SPEAKER_00
So should I, okay.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s like so nice.
0
SPEAKER_01
Read it to your, okay, read it.
0
SPEAKER_00
Liz, that was so fun.
0
SPEAKER_00
Thanks for making the trip.
0
SPEAKER_00
Love to do it again.
0
SPEAKER_00
That s sweet.
0
SPEAKER_00
And there was at the end, well, when we walked out, I think there was like a little moment of like, okay, we re gonna have a moment, like a second with our, I didn t have that feeling.
0
SPEAKER_00
So do you, yeah, how do you feel?
0
SPEAKER_00
Like, was there any point where you were like, this might be a good thing?
0
SPEAKER_00
Again, I think that s not how you re even approaching it.
0
SPEAKER_01
That s not how I approached it, which is probably bad in some ways for me, because it s a good way to avoid that.
0
SPEAKER_01
But it was also good because I was just open to knowing a new person.
0
SPEAKER_01
Right.
0
SPEAKER_01
So I don t know where I m at even still in my head.
0
SPEAKER_01
I don t know where I am in like, do I want to go on another date with that person?
0
SPEAKER_01
Interesting.
0
SPEAKER_01
Because one thing is as soon as we got in the car, I did think, what are we going to do?
0
SPEAKER_01
Are we going to just keep doing this?
0
SPEAKER_01
Are the four of us just going to keep going out?
0
SPEAKER_01
That s kind of fun.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like maybe the four of us.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s a thing.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, because we had like a few mini plans, like what you do on a date.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like we re next time we ll do this.
0
SPEAKER_01
We had a few of those that were including all of us.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
0
SPEAKER_01
Watching couples therapy.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
I can t go on a date and not bring up couples therapy.
0
SPEAKER_01
That s my thing.
0
SPEAKER_00
And then like sauna or something.
0
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
0
SPEAKER_00
We talked about sauna and cold plunges.
0
SPEAKER_00
And there was like a third one.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
But wait, you never at any point thought… Well, I think I did, but I didn t stay there.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like, I couldn t stay there because we were in the middle of, like, general conversation.
0
SPEAKER_01
Sure.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay, did you think it ever got awkward?
0
SPEAKER_01
Well, you did get in a little fight with my guy for a second.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh, I did.
0
SPEAKER_01
I know.
0
SPEAKER_00
Just for, like, 15 seconds.
0
SPEAKER_01
Obviously masculinity.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
Well, you know, women s sports.
0
SPEAKER_01
But Mike, I was not— No.
0
SPEAKER_01
Aggressive or— Aggressive.
0
SPEAKER_01
You know, but it was— I did get a little scared when that was starting to happen.
0
SPEAKER_01
I know.
0
SPEAKER_00
But he let me win with the truth, which is that women are better at ultra-long marathon races and never have more endurance than men.
0
SPEAKER_00
No, there was one moment where I was like, oh, is this— At the beginning, I was nervous, because I decided not to drink, and then I immediately regretted it.
0
SPEAKER_00
Like, as soon as they were sitting there, because my guy was way hotter than I thought.
0
SPEAKER_00
Way more my type, actually, than what I thought.
0
SPEAKER_00
Because I was in it for the bit, was in it for a night out with you.
0
SPEAKER_00
Let s meet these guys.
0
SPEAKER_00
It ll be fun.
0
SPEAKER_00
Like, it ll be a good story.
0
SPEAKER_00
That s the worst thing that can happen.
0
SPEAKER_00
But I immediately was like, oh, God.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
I was immediately like, he s great.
0
SPEAKER_00
So I m very smitten.
0
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
0
SPEAKER_00
Very.
0
SPEAKER_00
Are you surprised by that?
0
SPEAKER_01
I m surprised by the amount.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh.
0
SPEAKER_01
He s great.
0
SPEAKER_01
But this is interesting.
0
SPEAKER_01
I wonder if I wasn t there if you would still have that feeling.
0
SPEAKER_01
Interesting.
0
SPEAKER_01
On our way there, I said, do you think there s a possibility there ll be a sense of competition?
0
SPEAKER_01
And then we kind of blew that off.
0
SPEAKER_01
Did you feel any of that or no?
0
SPEAKER_00
I didn t feel competition.
0
SPEAKER_00
Honestly, what I felt was like it was harder for me to go deep, to connect, which good or bad on a date, I really want to do.
0
SPEAKER_00
But well, sometimes I go a little too deep.
0
SPEAKER_00
And so
0
SPEAKER_00
It wasn t competition.
0
SPEAKER_00
It was more like at one point I was like, okay, you re not going to find out that much about him and that s okay.
0
SPEAKER_00
It was a lighter conversation than a typical date, but again, that s probably what made it fun.
0
SPEAKER_00
And maybe again, why I like him so much because I don t know much about him.
0
SPEAKER_00
There s still some mystery, I guess.
0
SPEAKER_00
I just found him very like dreamy.
0
SPEAKER_00
Like he reminded me of a… Oh, who s the actor in Life is Beautiful?
0
SPEAKER_00
and succession oh my god jeremy strong no i m blanking i don t know he s tall and handsome and black hair nicholas braun no he s not a main character he was like like a financier like a like an investor oh my god i m like forgetting his you you ve like interviewed him
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, Adrian Brody?
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, he gave me Adrian—not the personality, just the— Aesthetic?
0
SPEAKER_00
Aesthetic.
0
SPEAKER_00
And LinkedIn pixelated photo.
0
SPEAKER_00
In my head, this was like a finance guy that like maybe would be fun, but maybe wouldn t be that aligned.
0
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, oh, like, this is actually a guy that s my type.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
Like, basically, I was like, oh, this is my type.
0
SPEAKER_00
And what do you think is your type?
0
SPEAKER_00
I think my type is like…
0
SPEAKER_00
Smart, but can be fun and goofy.
0
SPEAKER_00
Emotionally aware or emotionally, you know, has done some emotional work.
0
SPEAKER_00
Those are the top three, I would say.
0
SPEAKER_00
And like he s stylish.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, you don t think we like share common values?
0
SPEAKER_00
I didn t say that.
0
SPEAKER_00
I did not say that.
0
SPEAKER_00
When you saw him, did you think he was my type?
0
SPEAKER_00
No.
0
SPEAKER_01
I don t know what your type is.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s all over the place.
0
SPEAKER_01
I also don t think, I don t know.
0
SPEAKER_01
This is like sort of back to our conversation about leagues.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like I don t believe really in type.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
I think everyone s so different.
0
SPEAKER_01
But what an interesting experiment.
0
SPEAKER_01
Did you feel the sense of competition?
0
SPEAKER_01
I didn t, but I wasn t like so attracted to one of them.
0
SPEAKER_01
Right.
0
SPEAKER_01
If I was, I might have.
0
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
0
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I would hope not, but you never know.
0
SPEAKER_01
But I m asking you because you do really like
0
SPEAKER_01
I feel like I need to spend more time with him.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
But that was fun.
0
SPEAKER_00
And again, it felt like I met someone at a party.
0
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
0
SPEAKER_00
And oh, we had a cool conversation and then let s hang out again.
0
SPEAKER_00
Totally.
0
SPEAKER_00
Is the hack to just not have deep, like to try and… When it s one-on-one, it s very hard.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s inevitable.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s inevitable.
1
SPEAKER_01
I think there is something really unique about diluting it all.
1
SPEAKER_01
Because even when you re in a group, you can make jokes that you might not make one-on-one on a first date.
1
SPEAKER_01
There was like a couple things said that were just fun and funny, but I bet if I was by myself, I would have read into them.
1
SPEAKER_01
Right.
1
SPEAKER_01
We overthink so much when it s strictly a date by natural standards, but this isn t, so you could just be, or you could look at it much differently.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Really, really interesting.
1
SPEAKER_01
They picked a great spot.
1
SPEAKER_01
A really good Mexican place halfway in between.
1
SPEAKER_01
Very gentlemanly.
1
SPEAKER_01
Both of them.
1
SPEAKER_01
They paid.
1
SPEAKER_01
We were worried about how.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
I was like, how s that gonna go?
1
SPEAKER_01
It s like, I guess we all sort of like off, you know, we did offer and they split it, which is what you thought was going to happen.
1
SPEAKER_01
That was your prediction.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Really fascinating.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m really glad we did it.
1
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so you at no point were like,
1
SPEAKER_00
I want to make a move or like someone said something and you were like, oh, like I m attracted to that.
1
SPEAKER_01
There were things said that I was impressed by.
1
SPEAKER_01
I mean, there were tons of things that I liked about both of them.
1
SPEAKER_01
I thought they were both like really interesting.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I was looking at them as just people, not as partners.
1
SPEAKER_01
There s a thread of, for me, that being problematic, but ultimately I don t think it is.
1
SPEAKER_01
That is what I want to do on dates.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s just like, do I like this person?
1
SPEAKER_01
Take away the other shit.
1
SPEAKER_01
Is this just a person that I enjoy?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
First and foremost, but we don t even, we skip that part because we re so quick to go to, do I want to be in a relationship with this person?
1
SPEAKER_01
Do I want them to?
1
SPEAKER_01
It s like, it s a first date.
1
SPEAKER_01
It shouldn t be that.
1
SPEAKER_01
It should be, is this an enjoyable person?
1
SPEAKER_00
Am I having fun?
1
SPEAKER_00
And again, am I enjoying this?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
I wonder, okay, do you think that this is how guys approach all dates?
1
SPEAKER_00
I feel like a lot of guys come into a date this way, where they re not necessarily like, is this person gonna fuck me over, right?
1
SPEAKER_00
Or like, is this person, you know… Yeah, they re not overthinking it.
1
SPEAKER_00
They re not overthinking it.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so maybe that s why guys… That s how they re approaching it.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then we re… Oh… Imagine if that s… I mean, again, we can t generalize.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yes and no.
1
SPEAKER_01
Exactly.
1
SPEAKER_01
Because like, we ve been on dates with people and they don t move forward.
1
SPEAKER_01
Sure.
1
SPEAKER_01
So men are doing that too.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
It just depends.
1
SPEAKER_01
I wonder what their car ride there was.
1
SPEAKER_00
I know.
1
SPEAKER_01
And their car ride after.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m so curious.
1
SPEAKER_01
I wish we could be a fly on the wall.
1
SPEAKER_01
So, also, somebody asked you out today.
1
SPEAKER_01
Another person asked you out today.
1
SPEAKER_00
Wait, can I just finish?
1
SPEAKER_00
Do you think it s like the Friends episode where, like, we re having a full hour-long conversation about the date and they re like, that was cool.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
And that was it?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, probably.
1
SPEAKER_00
We re like, I wonder what they re saying about it.
1
SPEAKER_00
They re just like eating chips.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, literally like burping and farting and just like going to bed.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
I mean, and that s kind of part of it, right?
1
SPEAKER_00
Like we tend to call it overthinking or being overly analytical about relationships.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think we think about relationships way more than men do overall.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so it wouldn t surprise me.
1
SPEAKER_00
And it doesn t mean that they didn t like it as much as we did.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s just that they have a different way to process it.
1
SPEAKER_00
But sorry, I cut you off.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh.
1
SPEAKER_00
I tried to set up a second double date on the day of our double date.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Someone asked you out today earlier and you tried to make it a double date again.
1
SPEAKER_00
What d you say?
1
SPEAKER_00
What I used on this double date.
1
SPEAKER_00
Should we give him on LinkedIn guy?
1
SPEAKER_00
Is that what we re calling him?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
LinkedIn guy and his friend?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
Who is French Canadian by the way.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
So synced.
1
SPEAKER_01
Very synced.
1
SPEAKER_00
So I said, hey, would love to meet.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m trying something new if you re down.
1
SPEAKER_00
Sort of like presenting it as like a challenge, like men love challenges.
1
SPEAKER_00
And everyone does, right?
1
SPEAKER_00
Like almost like a dare.
1
SPEAKER_00
So like if you re game, I m trying out something new where I m trying to make first dates suck less by making them more fun and casual.
1
SPEAKER_00
So if you re down to bring a friend, I m going to bring my friend Monica.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, she s a smoke show.
1
SPEAKER_00
Here s a photo.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then I sent a photo of the both of us.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then I waited for the answer.
1
SPEAKER_00
And LinkedIn guy was so—well, it took a few hours, and I was like, he probably thinks I m nuts, and he knows nothing about me, and so why would he be game to do something like this?
1
SPEAKER_00
But then he was like, yeah, sure, let s do it.
1
SPEAKER_00
He was so into it.
1
SPEAKER_00
But this guy was— This coffee shop guy.
1
SPEAKER_00
was like, no.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, essentially.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, I don t know if I would love to meet you.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I m like, I m not doing that.
1
SPEAKER_00
I ve just told you what we re doing.
1
SPEAKER_00
And you re already not being flexible.
1
SPEAKER_00
You re already not supporting women.
1
SPEAKER_01
But also it did weirdly make our guys tonight look so much cooler.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s like they re just down.
1
SPEAKER_01
They re just like, why not?
1
SPEAKER_01
Why wouldn t we just go do this?
1
SPEAKER_00
It s such a turn on.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s kind of telling.
1
SPEAKER_00
It is.
1
SPEAKER_00
It says a lot about them.
1
SPEAKER_00
And also, again, I didn t know what to expect that maybe they d be weird or like, but the way they showed up to, they did it
1
SPEAKER_00
I think 10 out of 10.
1
SPEAKER_00
We set the bar really high if we do this again.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s the only problem.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s true.
1
SPEAKER_00
But at the same time, I mean… Why not?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m serious.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think this is, like, good for singles.
1
SPEAKER_00
I agree.
1
SPEAKER_00
That was, like, one of the best nights I ve had in, like, a long time.
1
SPEAKER_00
Because it combined, it s like going for the best hike of your life and then you re like, oh and I got a workout out of it.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s like two stones, one bird.
1
SPEAKER_00
One stone, two birds.
1
SPEAKER_00
Two stones.
1
SPEAKER_00
Anyway, we ll cut that part out.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s late.
1
SPEAKER_01
But okay, one other thing, well two things.
1
SPEAKER_01
One, my therapist endorsed this last week.
1
SPEAKER_00
Huge.
1
SPEAKER_01
I had therapy.
1
SPEAKER_01
Been waiting for that endorsement.
1
SPEAKER_01
I was kind of, I know, I was kind of nervous to tell her.
1
SPEAKER_01
You were.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, because I thought she might say, what s really the point of this?
1
SPEAKER_01
But I told her, and she asked a few questions, and then she said, I think this is great because it takes the pressure off.
1
SPEAKER_01
For me, it s like, how do I be the most me on a date?
1
SPEAKER_01
This is the best way with your friend, right?
1
SPEAKER_01
Like, you can t not be you when you re with your friend.
1
SPEAKER_01
It would be so— Oh, okay.
1
SPEAKER_01
Pin.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_01
Let s talk about who—
1
SPEAKER_01
We felt about what we felt about each other.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_01
But anyway, so she said she thought it was great.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then I said, yeah, I think what I like about it is Liz and I would be going to dinner anyway on a Thursday.
1
SPEAKER_01
Like that s our normal life.
1
SPEAKER_01
So the test is kind of like who fits into
1
SPEAKER_01
my normal life.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s my general idea of dating.
1
SPEAKER_01
Like, who s gonna come fit in nicely with my life that I love and enjoy very much and I m very fulfilled by?
1
SPEAKER_01
So, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Like, really good way to do that.
1
SPEAKER_01
I did feel like myself.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s great.
1
SPEAKER_00
Did you feel like yourself?
1
SPEAKER_00
I felt like myself, too.
1
SPEAKER_00
You felt like you to me, too.
1
SPEAKER_00
You felt like me to me.
1
SPEAKER_00
Look, when it s just the two of us, it obviously is different.
1
SPEAKER_00
Less unhinged.
1
SPEAKER_00
A little more presentable, I guess.
1
SPEAKER_00
Right.
1
SPEAKER_00
Which already I feel like when we are in a group, we re like that.
1
SPEAKER_00
We ll not go down again.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like there was one little moment of chaos about the cactus, and then I really needed to tell you about this synced moment because you posted about a cactus, and then I got picked by a cactus.
1
SPEAKER_00
What do you call that when a cactus injures you?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, you said bites you.
1
SPEAKER_01
Bites you.
1
SPEAKER_00
Pricked.
1
SPEAKER_00
Pricked.
1
SPEAKER_00
I got pricked by a cactus the same day, and then they were talking about cactus tacos.
1
SPEAKER_00
They were ordering, and I was like, I need— Yeah, we sidebarred.
1
SPEAKER_00
We sidebarred.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so, but I would have sidebarred more maybe, but I refrained.
1
SPEAKER_00
And look, like, it was different.
1
SPEAKER_00
Just the two of us would have been
1
SPEAKER_00
different and probably more fun in certain ways, but being with them was more fun in… Another way.
1
SPEAKER_00
Another way.
1
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
1
SPEAKER_01
But did you think… Okay, what would you say after seeing that my date persona is?
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, that s interesting.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think your date persona is… You re a very good listener.
1
SPEAKER_00
You re a very active listener.
1
SPEAKER_00
You re very, like, encouraging when people tell stories and, like, you were like, wow, and like, huh.
1
SPEAKER_00
And, like, sometimes I was like, she s not that on-hand about that thing.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, she s not that impressed.
1
SPEAKER_00
Really?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, sometimes I was like— Oh, you thought I was— I was like, nicer.
1
SPEAKER_00
You were nicer.
1
SPEAKER_00
And sometimes we om and ha at the same time, and I was like, oh, we re both being nice.
1
SPEAKER_00
Or like, this isn t something that we necessarily— I mean, when he talked about the— So, one of the conversations that was, like, important is that one of them is building, like, some sort of crazy hotel with, like, a— And he just mentioned, like— And then the spas, like— And we were like, we need to get back to the spa.
1
SPEAKER_01
He mentioned the spa very briefly in this conversation, and as soon as he said spa, immediately, all I could think about was the spa and getting a massage and wanting to go to a spa.
1
SPEAKER_01
And when am I going to go?
1
SPEAKER_01
I couldn t listen to anything else afterwards.
1
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
1
SPEAKER_00
For like four minutes.
1
SPEAKER_00
I was like, what about the spa?
1
SPEAKER_00
And then we both said at the same time, can we go?
1
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, it s all I ve been thinking about since you said it.
2
SPEAKER_01
So that was probably the most unhinged when we both stopped listening and really just thought about the spa for six minutes.
2
SPEAKER_01
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I had a really bad headache.
2
SPEAKER_01
I had like a hormonal migraine-y thing on Friday night, so I couldn t have my therapy on Saturday, and I feel it.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like it s all building if I don t, yeah, it like builds up.
2
SPEAKER_01
I have a lot I need to discuss with her.
2
SPEAKER_01
Because we carry these things big and small and they really do add up and you just need an outlet and your friends can t be that outlet for everything.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s too much for you and it s too much for them.
2
SPEAKER_01
Exactly.
2
SPEAKER_01
Therapy is a safe space to get things off your chest and to figure out how to work through whatever s weighing you down.
2
SPEAKER_01
If you re thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try.
2
SPEAKER_01
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It s convenient.
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It s flexible.
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It s suited to your schedule.
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So you don t really have any excuses to not go.
2
SPEAKER_01
And you just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist.
2
SPEAKER_01
And you can switch therapist anytime, which I think is huge because, you know, it takes a few sometimes to find the right person, but they have a lot of options.
2
SPEAKER_01
So it ll be great.
2
SPEAKER_00
Get it off your chest with BetterHelp.
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Visit betterhelp.com slash synced today to get 10% off your first month.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash S-Y-N-C-E-D.
2
SPEAKER_00
You were funny.
2
SPEAKER_00
I thought you were probably like a cross in between obviously like you and me hanging out and like honestly your amazing ability of being an interviewer and just like being so good at conversation and not like fully you know you re interviewing them but just the mix of those skills but still being you and funny and light and you know.
2
SPEAKER_00
But yeah we were less we didn t really like tell that many weird stories about ourselves.
2
SPEAKER_00
We were pretty… Tang.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s true.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, you were— Yeah, what was I like?
2
SPEAKER_01
Same.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like, very— You ask a lot of questions, but you always do.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like, I think you re very good at asking questions all the time.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like, when we re— Even in, like, when Anna, Jess, and I hang out and you come, like,
2
SPEAKER_01
you ask a lot of questions.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s great.
2
SPEAKER_01
It never feels like there ll be silence.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s like feel safe.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_01
Which is good.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
So that felt the same to me.
2
SPEAKER_01
And yeah, you re very like affable, like, you know, nice.
2
SPEAKER_01
I would say actually I m surprised at how
2
SPEAKER_01
how little of a persona there was.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay, okay.
2
SPEAKER_01
That it just really did feel normal.
2
SPEAKER_01
Except, you re right.
2
SPEAKER_01
If we re at 100 normally, you were at a 75.
2
SPEAKER_01
Right.
2
SPEAKER_01
Of weirdness.
2
SPEAKER_01
Of intensity across the board.
2
SPEAKER_01
Of character.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I think me too, probably.
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean it s funny because there was a point—I think we even talked about this on the show—where I was like dating someone or going on dates and then we would hang out, especially when we first met and I was like falling in love with you and I was like, oh my god, it s so much more fun with Monica.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I was comparing my dates to my time with you, which like, I remember consciously thinking like, that s probably not a good idea.
2
SPEAKER_00
And recently, my therapist really did say like, you know, they re not going to be like her girlfriends.
2
SPEAKER_00
And again, I think we ve already talked about this, but it is something that bears repeating
2
SPEAKER_00
And that to me was like a perfect example.
2
SPEAKER_00
I was getting something different out of tonight that I would have gotten if we had just been one-on-one.
2
SPEAKER_00
And that one-on-one would have been incredible, but that also would have been a weird kind of energy to probably also bring to that setting.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah, for sure.
2
SPEAKER_00
And maybe that s also why we go on dates, or again, we have romantic partnerships, that those things are different from our friendships and are supposed to be different.
2
SPEAKER_00
And you do have a different persona or side of yourself that it brings out.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
And that that s kind of a good thing.
2
SPEAKER_00
I love that you love this.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s the one thing that intersects.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m like, we are so different and no one ever wants to do this with me.
2
SPEAKER_00
I ve been like dying to do this for a decade.
2
SPEAKER_00
And the fact that you, that is like out of left field and so exciting.
2
SPEAKER_00
I cannot, I mean we have this in the social media, but like we cannot stress this enough of how little Monica knew about what she was getting into.
2
SPEAKER_00
I did not know his name.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I didn t know his name.
2
SPEAKER_00
We had no information on the other guy.
2
SPEAKER_00
We didn t even know the relationship.
2
SPEAKER_00
For all we knew, he was like a stranger.
2
SPEAKER_00
When we sat down, we were like, maybe he s bringing his kid.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I was sure in my heart that your guy, that LinkedIn guy, misunderstood the assignment.
2
SPEAKER_01
I was like, he s not, I think he didn t know really what Liz was asking, and he s going to bring like
2
SPEAKER_01
his married friend, or his kid, or just like another person.
2
SPEAKER_00
He did not ask any questions or clarification.
2
SPEAKER_00
It was like, sure, cool.
2
SPEAKER_00
We ll be there Thursday.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then like, no.
2
SPEAKER_01
And also, okay, that s another thing for me.
2
SPEAKER_01
So this is the first date
2
SPEAKER_01
ever?
2
SPEAKER_01
That I haven t rescheduled.
2
SPEAKER_01
What?
2
SPEAKER_01
That s my move.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s my thing.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God, Monica.
2
SPEAKER_01
I always reschedule it at least once.
2
SPEAKER_00
At least once?
2
SPEAKER_01
It s not, it s not, I was joking when I said it s my move.
2
SPEAKER_01
Right.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s not something I do on purpose.
2
SPEAKER_01
It happens because I m anxious, obviously.
2
SPEAKER_01
And not just because I m anxious, but because I always would rather do something else, always.
2
SPEAKER_01
So things always come up.
2
SPEAKER_01
And so I m like, no, I d rather do that other thing.
2
SPEAKER_01
So I always reschedule.
2
SPEAKER_01
Something did come up for tonight that I really did want to go to.
2
SPEAKER_01
Two things.
2
SPEAKER_01
It happened twice.
2
SPEAKER_01
I had two opportunities.
2
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
2
SPEAKER_01
One was a big girls  dinner for Molly s birthday.
2
SPEAKER_01
We were planning the day, and we were going to this one place, and they were closed on Tuesday.
2
SPEAKER_01
And so they said, how about Thursday?
2
SPEAKER_01
And I said,
2
SPEAKER_01
Hmm.
2
SPEAKER_01
What do I do?
2
SPEAKER_01
Like, I want to make sure the dinner for my best friend is good, so I should probably, like, reschedule the date.
2
SPEAKER_01
But no, I m not going to reschedule it.
2
SPEAKER_01
So I chose not to reschedule, and then it happened again, and I chose not to reschedule.
2
SPEAKER_01
Part of it is because there s just so many factors that it s like, well, it s four people.
2
SPEAKER_01
I can t, like, rearrange four people s schedules.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then I also thought there s no way
2
SPEAKER_01
that we re gonna do this.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s like somebody is gonna fall through and then no.
2
SPEAKER_01
I know.
2
SPEAKER_01
We scheduled it and it happened.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s shocking.
2
SPEAKER_01
And it was great.
2
SPEAKER_01
And it was great.
2
SPEAKER_01
Ten out of ten.
2
SPEAKER_01
But partly, okay, we have talked about this before.
2
SPEAKER_01
Although I think me and you have different opinions on it because you re better than me about being out and about.
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t have many
2
SPEAKER_01
Bad dates.
2
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
2
SPEAKER_01
I just have... I don t think we re a match.
2
SPEAKER_01
But, like, the hanging itself is always fine and fun.
2
SPEAKER_01
Huh.
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I don t normally go out with people unless I, like, know something about them.
2
SPEAKER_01
Much different than tonight.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I ve talked to my therapist about that, too.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like, I don t understand.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like, it s enjoyable.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s, like, fine and conversation s good.
2
SPEAKER_01
But I don t want to keep seeing that person.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t want to keep going.
2
SPEAKER_00
Sure.
2
SPEAKER_00
You bring it up in therapy, meaning you re confused about why you don t want to go on more dates if you enjoy them?
2
SPEAKER_00
Right.
2
SPEAKER_00
What s the disconnect here?
2
SPEAKER_01
If I like the time, I should want to keep going.
2
SPEAKER_01
And we ve sort of come to the conclusion that this is going to sound braggy, and I really don t mean it, but it s sort of what you were just saying.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like, I can have a sort of interesting conversation with most people.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
And so can you?
2
SPEAKER_01
Sure.
3
SPEAKER_01
few circumstances where I m gonna not be able to like find some
3
SPEAKER_00
common ground and just, like, lean into that.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s really interesting.
3
SPEAKER_00
Just because you re able to talk to anybody doesn t mean you enjoy it, though, right?
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, I can find a way to enjoy it.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_01
But then I didn t get that much out of it in a meaningful way.
3
SPEAKER_01
I just had, like, a good time.
3
SPEAKER_01
So then, you know, you go on a second or third date, and then that s really when I m like, it s the same.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s just, like, it s not getting more for me.
3
SPEAKER_01
Again, the time spent is fine.
3
SPEAKER_01
And so I find that I rarely
3
SPEAKER_01
And this is also just so lucky, but I rarely leave a date and think like, yikes, that was so bad.
3
SPEAKER_01
In fact, I don t think I ve ever done that.
3
SPEAKER_00
I think that s wonderful.
3
SPEAKER_00
But it gets confusing.
3
SPEAKER_00
I think you are extremely careful about who you go on dates with.
3
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I think I ve become, especially in the last, I would say five years,
3
SPEAKER_00
much more open to who I m going on dates with because I realize that there are many things I have in my list and that I ll go on a date and like it won t be the right fit, but someone who doesn t have whatever, right?
3
SPEAKER_00
These things that I think I m looking for, but that that person might actually be a better fit.
3
SPEAKER_00
So that s why I… But sometimes I feel like I m on the extreme other end.
3
SPEAKER_00
There are so many people that I should have never
3
SPEAKER_00
Right.
3
SPEAKER_00
Never going on a date with, never let alone going on a second date with, or let into my house, or you know, get in the car with.
3
SPEAKER_00
Also, it s so funny, it s not a perfect segue, but I was just talking the other day with this woman about her worst date, like she was like, oh yeah, I went on a date with a guy and he, I don t know if people are going to be mad at us, but like…
3
SPEAKER_00
this guy had no teeth and then was definitely on drugs.
3
SPEAKER_01
People can t be mad at us.
3
SPEAKER_01
I mean, they can, but that s not our problem.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s a big surprise.
3
SPEAKER_01
I think most people, if they went on a first date and then the person didn t have teeth, most people would not be super happy about that.
3
SPEAKER_01
Or would expect teeth.
3
SPEAKER_01
I think we go into a date— Oh my god.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay, what world are we living in that we can t say that?
3
SPEAKER_00
Truly.
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean… Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then he was on drugs.
3
SPEAKER_00
And like, she had known him.
3
SPEAKER_00
He was the hottest guy she d ever seen.
3
SPEAKER_00
They had a fling five years ago.
3
SPEAKER_00
Then he was like, hey, I m back in town.
3
SPEAKER_00
She was like, great, let s meet up.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then she didn t recognize him.
3
SPEAKER_00
He clearly had been through… This is upsetting.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then was on drugs with teeth.
3
SPEAKER_00
had an eye patch.
3
SPEAKER_01
Wait, he did not have an eye patch.
3
SPEAKER_00
No, he literally did.
3
SPEAKER_00
They went to see a movie and he put on an eye patch to watch.
3
SPEAKER_00
It was just a comical amount of accessories and lack thereof.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then she was like, oh yeah, and there was another date where I almost got kidnapped.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then I was like, what do you think is most of our guy friends  worst date?
3
SPEAKER_00
A woman s worst date is that, right?
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, I went on one where I literally got choked.
3
SPEAKER_00
But, like, a guy s worst date, if he s straight, with a woman… Like, again, I m not saying all women are great, but it s probably not in the range of, like… I think it s different.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s different.
3
SPEAKER_01
We recorded an Armchair Anonymous episode that s actually… We re doing two parts for it because they were intense stories and long stories.
3
SPEAKER_01
Stalking this week.
3
SPEAKER_01
And, of course, I was like,
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God.
3
SPEAKER_01
Men are so scary.
3
SPEAKER_01
Wait, because it happened to be all female.
3
SPEAKER_01
Most are.
3
SPEAKER_01
Right.
3
SPEAKER_01
Exactly.
3
SPEAKER_01
But there were men that wrote in, but they didn t follow up when Emma reached out.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I don t think it s true that most stalkers are men because celebrity stalkers, I feel like a fair amount are women.
3
SPEAKER_01
Sure.
3
SPEAKER_01
And baby reindeer.
3
SPEAKER_01
There s baby reindeer.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
But the level of threat is often different.
3
SPEAKER_01
And that s what s so fucked.
3
SPEAKER_01
The number might be the same, but the type is a lot more extreme when it s a male.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
3
SPEAKER_01
Why am I bringing that up?
3
SPEAKER_01
There was something about… Oh, dates.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like a bad date.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
3
SPEAKER_00
You know?
3
SPEAKER_00
So it s uneven.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s uneven.
3
SPEAKER_00
The threat of a bad date from a woman is like they might kill you.
3
SPEAKER_01
It happens.
3
SPEAKER_01
It happens.
3
SPEAKER_01
And likely a woman, honestly, they just probably don t look like what the person expected.
3
SPEAKER_00
Which is awful for those men.
3
SPEAKER_00
I feel so bad.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s like the worst.
3
SPEAKER_00
They re the biggest victims.
3
SPEAKER_01
The men who… They expected a picture from 10 years ago and they re really… Let s have a moment of silence for those men.
3
SPEAKER_01
Let s have a moment of betrayal.
3
SPEAKER_01
Dating.
3
SPEAKER_01
Or like I ve heard some men talk about bad dates and the bad date basically being that the woman likes them too much.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh my god.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s so infuriating.
3
SPEAKER_00
It is, it is.
3
SPEAKER_01
And it s bad.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s bad and, and to be fair, I have felt that.
3
SPEAKER_01
Uh-huh.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, uh-oh.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
You re too into it.
3
SPEAKER_01
Uh-oh.
3
SPEAKER_01
This person likes me a lot more than I like them.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, that can happen.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, but that s not the worst thing.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s not the worst.
3
SPEAKER_00
And also, one thing I started doing was let a bad date be bad.
3
SPEAKER_00
Because again, I can make conversation with a tree.
3
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
3
SPEAKER_00
Anything.
3
SPEAKER_00
But there was a point where, particularly as a woman, I realized, oh wow, I got asked zero questions.
3
SPEAKER_00
But also, I didn t even let a moment of silence.
3
SPEAKER_00
I didn t make him uncomfortable about that.
3
SPEAKER_00
I made him seem like this was the best time ever.
3
SPEAKER_00
And so I started actually like
3
SPEAKER_00
Like not do it.
3
SPEAKER_00
Again, I know what I could ask you and what would be so interesting and make this date great, but I m not going to do it because you re not pulling your weight.
3
SPEAKER_00
And that was honestly such a hack because then I didn t have to send the text afterwards being like, like they would feel it.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
As opposed to like leap and be like, oh my God, that was so great.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then I was like, I hate you or, you know, I m not into it.
3
SPEAKER_00
But that s hard to do too, but more honest.
3
SPEAKER_01
Have you ever left a date in the middle?
3
SPEAKER_01
Or have you ever done that thing where it s like you make a friend call you?
3
SPEAKER_00
I have never made up something.
3
SPEAKER_00
I probably have.
3
SPEAKER_00
But usually, I feel like that s too obvious.
3
SPEAKER_00
But I ve gone where like we sit down, we have a drink, and then I m like, I m going to go.
3
SPEAKER_00
So the date was like an hour.
3
SPEAKER_00
And it s clear that I m not— You cut it off early.
3
SPEAKER_00
Cut it off early.
3
SPEAKER_00
But no, I ve never left a date.
3
SPEAKER_00
I think it s still another person, unless they re yelling it, you know what I mean?
3
SPEAKER_00
Or again, on drugs or there s a threat.
3
SPEAKER_00
The decent thing is to, you know, engage with the person in front of you.
3
SPEAKER_00
But also if you re super uncomfortable, I do think it s okay to lead a situation like that.
3
SPEAKER_00
For sure.
3
SPEAKER_00
When I ve been uncomfortable, it s been too late.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then I m like, oh God.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m not opposed to faking the emergency.
3
SPEAKER_00
But I feel like nowadays, if that s what you re— It s so obvious.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like if that happens to you on a date, actually, they re gonna think you re lying.
3
SPEAKER_00
You have to like show proof of the text.
3
SPEAKER_01
Although if you ever need that, you can always go back into our old text and the picture of when I cut my finger cutting onions.
3
SPEAKER_00
That would necessitate leaving the middle of a dirt.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh my god, I m so tired.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s late, guys.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s late for us, but we really wanted to make sure that we debriefed.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m so glad we did it.
3
SPEAKER_01
Me too.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m really glad we did that.
3
SPEAKER_01
Thanks for being so game.
3
SPEAKER_01
Thanks for planning it.
3
SPEAKER_00
I know this is like outside of your comfort zone, and I appreciate it.
3
SPEAKER_01
But it is, and I don t think it s fair for me to say it is, because it is in a way that I just don t like dating, but it isn t in that this was the very safest way for me to do that.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yay.
3
SPEAKER_01
And it felt like that.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay, so did you think... It didn t get awkward, but I wondered as they were walking us to our car...
3
SPEAKER_01
Is there going to be like a kissing situation?
3
SPEAKER_01
Probably not just by virtue of the way this is set up.
3
SPEAKER_01
But also, do you normally kiss on first dates?
3
SPEAKER_00
I didn t used to at all.
3
SPEAKER_00
Kissing is so intimate.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then I ve let myself do it.
3
SPEAKER_00
But I do not force it.
3
SPEAKER_00
If I m not 100% full in, I m not doing it.
3
SPEAKER_00
But I ve done it and it s kind of nice.
3
SPEAKER_00
But I would say 20% first date will get a kiss.
3
SPEAKER_01
Right.
3
SPEAKER_00
What about you?
3
SPEAKER_01
Majority no.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
I mean, it happened.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, that was another thing we were—you know, it s bad when they live far away, but it s also good when they live far away because you don t risk run-ins.
3
SPEAKER_01
We will never run into them.
3
SPEAKER_01
No, we won t.
3
SPEAKER_01
In the neighborhood.
3
SPEAKER_00
And we get to choose when we see them.
3
SPEAKER_01
We like that.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay, we ll do a couple questions, but we re going to keep it pretty tight because we re tired.
3
SPEAKER_01
But was there anything else that we needed to discuss?
3
SPEAKER_00
I think that s it.
3
SPEAKER_00
I had so much fun.
3
SPEAKER_00
Me too.
3
SPEAKER_01
It was the best.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it was really nice.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s also like so fun because we ve both been single since we ve known each other.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, oh, this is kind of like a new way to be her friend.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like a new situation to be in that was different.
3
SPEAKER_00
And that felt fun too, like separately from them.
3
SPEAKER_00
Totally.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, there are so many things happening.
3
SPEAKER_00
But do you think I should go on a date with him?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
But you re not super into it.
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, I m not a love addict.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_00
So you didn t go like, wow, like, they would be a great match.
3
SPEAKER_00
No, I thought like, they re great.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_00
But I, like,
3
SPEAKER_01
I get – this is my issue that I am even doing this, that I m like, Liz, you need to be a little careful.
3
SPEAKER_01
With this guy?
3
SPEAKER_01
No, not because of him.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s just like based on – we had a super fun night.
3
SPEAKER_01
You should be excited to go on a date with him.
3
SPEAKER_01
The text should
4
SPEAKER_00
be exciting, but like.
4
SPEAKER_00
We re just different.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like, I m so smitten is, to me, a bit extreme based on what happened.
4
SPEAKER_00
Not based on him.
4
SPEAKER_00
Right.
4
SPEAKER_00
Based on the evening.
4
SPEAKER_00
I think he d be like, he was great.
4
SPEAKER_00
I definitely want to go on another date with him.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
I want to know more about him.
4
SPEAKER_00
I can see what s happening in your face.
4
SPEAKER_00
I can.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then you said it, and I was like, oh, okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh, okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
But you 100% should.
4
SPEAKER_00
He s great.
4
SPEAKER_00
But I feel like you re already in love with him.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I want you to not do that.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
Got it.
4
SPEAKER_00
The problem is sometimes I sound like an asshole on here.
4
SPEAKER_00
No.
4
SPEAKER_00
I do.
4
SPEAKER_00
But it is based in lots of conversations that we ve had that are on air.
4
SPEAKER_01
And also seeing... And some on air.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
And also you see, like, what happens when... The aftermath.
4
SPEAKER_01
The aftermath.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
And there always is.
4
SPEAKER_01
I think he s definitely worth seeing.
4
SPEAKER_00
Just seeing how it goes.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Support for Syncd comes from Thorne.
4
SPEAKER_00
I feel like we are in the age of trying to sort of optimize our health.
4
SPEAKER_00
And the older you get, the more you do have to consider a lot of these things and maybe start paying attention to where we have deficiencies and where we need
4
SPEAKER_00
supplements and where we need to find that in food or externally.
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And Thorne is awesome because it s a personalized, innovative, scientific approach to health and wellness with their supplements.
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There were so many things that was just literally like I wasn t getting in my diet.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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Iron being one of them, I take two Thorne iron pills every day, and it really has made a tremendous difference in my life.
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I was having lightheadedness.
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Again, I thought, oh my God, something s so wrong.
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It was just my iron was too low.
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These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration.
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This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.
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Support for SYNCT comes from Nurex.
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Shout out to Claritin for supporting this episode and providing us with samples, which is awesome.
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Because luckily for those of us who live with the symptoms of allergies, we can live Claritin clear with Claritin D. I developed allergies.
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It s so frustrating because for a while I didn t know what it was.
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I was just like, I m sick all the time.
4
SPEAKER_00
What is this?
4
SPEAKER_00
And it was, it s just allergies.
4
SPEAKER_01
It is.
4
SPEAKER_01
And the thing I ve learned with the years of dealing with allergies is that if I don t take a Claritin, like it just seems to get worse and worse.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like something that, like an allergy reaction, which might be like subtle, just like, I feel it so much more if I don t take a Claritin.
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4
SPEAKER_01
I don t know if there s gonna be something I m allergic to.
4
SPEAKER_01
I just—having it—like, it was, like, 2 a.m., and I had to get Claritin delivered at 2 a.m., and I was, like, freaking out because I was like, oh my god, this is why I need it with me at all times.
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SPEAKER_00
At all times?
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Oh, okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
This is synced.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
Struggling to sleep well while dating.
4
SPEAKER_00
Hi, Monica and Liz.
4
SPEAKER_00
Love the show.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m a single 42-year-old guy and would like to be in a relationship.
4
SPEAKER_00
Throughout my adult life, I ve always had a lot of trouble sleeping in the same bed as a partner.
4
SPEAKER_00
This applies to past long-term relationships as well as shorter-term dating.
4
SPEAKER_00
I ve been single much of my adult life and I m super accustomed to sleeping alone.
4
SPEAKER_00
One big factor is that I m 6 6 and need quite a bit of space in bed.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m also easily woken up by sounds, movement, and contact, and I struggle with the temperature being hotter than what I m used to alone.
4
SPEAKER_00
I have a king-sized bed, which helps some, but frankly it s still challenging.
4
SPEAKER_00
If I m at her place, she likely has a queen, so that s more difficult.
4
SPEAKER_00
I ve had many dating experiences where we have a sleepover, I m then exhausted the next day, I recover after a few days, but then I see her again and repeat the cycle.
4
SPEAKER_00
I want physical affection and intimacy, but when it comes to sleeping, I would much rather do that alone.
4
SPEAKER_00
This becomes a problem because in my experience, after sex,
4
SPEAKER_00
Most women want to sleep together and aren t even expecting it.
4
SPEAKER_00
I think long-term couples who live together get used to sleeping together because they do it every night, or in some cases, they adopt strategies of sleeping in separate beds or rooms.
4
SPEAKER_00
But how do I manage this early in a relationship while dating?
4
SPEAKER_00
Should I just be really upfront with her that I have this issue?
4
SPEAKER_00
Any other strategies?
4
SPEAKER_00
Thanks, Joseph.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s my whole life.
4
SPEAKER_01
And it s getting worse with age.
4
SPEAKER_01
We re more easily disturbed.
4
SPEAKER_01
I have an insane sleep process where I need to sleep with earplugs, two eye masks, a sound machine.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m nuts.
4
SPEAKER_01
Full on.
4
SPEAKER_00
Two.
4
SPEAKER_01
Why?
4
SPEAKER_01
Because one is not— One s bad.
4
SPEAKER_01
Maybe just get one good one?
4
SPEAKER_01
No.
4
SPEAKER_01
I used to be able to sleep with one good one, and now I need—it s so bad.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh, no.
4
SPEAKER_01
I have a retainer.
4
SPEAKER_01
Similarly to Joseph, I slept in the same bed as my last hookup because I was, like, obsessed with him.
4
SPEAKER_01
And so I was like, I just won t sleep.
4
SPEAKER_01
That s fine.
4
SPEAKER_01
But I knew I wasn t gonna sleep.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I will just lie there fully awake for hours.
4
SPEAKER_01
And yeah, the next day is totally miserable.
4
SPEAKER_01
So I would be so upfront.
4
SPEAKER_01
Also, the person that you re with might also prefer or have sleep issues or need specific things.
4
SPEAKER_01
Look, when it s happened to me where someone, whatever, I dated this guy that would like hug me and then literally turn around to the other end of the— Like the thing Ross does?
4
SPEAKER_00
Yes, the hug and roll.
4
SPEAKER_01
How many friends references can we make in an episode?
4
SPEAKER_01
He would do the hug and roll, but like, without the hug.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh, he would just push you over?
4
SPEAKER_01
Kinda.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like, I mean, or just, he would just move to the other side of the bed.
4
SPEAKER_01
And you didn t like that?
4
SPEAKER_01
I did.
4
SPEAKER_01
I think I was insecure in the relationship already, but I remember that it took me a few nights where I realized, okay, this is just what he does.
4
SPEAKER_01
And at one point he mentioned like, oh yeah, just like, I don t sleep really well.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, if he had only kind of said that at the beginning, then I wouldn t have taken it personally, right?
4
SPEAKER_01
So I would just over-communicate about it.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s real.
4
SPEAKER_01
You re 6 6 on top of it.
4
SPEAKER_00
I would put that in.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s the headline.
4
SPEAKER_00
I know, but okay, not to make it gendered.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t want to, but I do think he s right that there s a probably fairly wide swath of women who do take offense to this.
4
SPEAKER_00
They have sex and then they left is painful to them.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I think some women are going to
4
SPEAKER_00
not be able to hear your truth, which it is the truth.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
But they may have been lied to before or it does seem like it could be a lie.
4
SPEAKER_00
If someone wanted to avoid intimacy, it is a good way to do it.
4
SPEAKER_00
But it s the truth.
4
SPEAKER_00
You do have to be really upfront and you have to say, I know it seems like I m trying to avoid intimacy.
4
SPEAKER_00
It is not that.
4
SPEAKER_00
Say it at the beginning.
4
SPEAKER_00
What sort of the expectation, right?
4
SPEAKER_00
Also, like snuggle.
4
SPEAKER_00
Don t just like have sex and then run out.
4
SPEAKER_00
That is bad.
4
SPEAKER_00
When it s sleepy time, you leave.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yes, and say, oh, I wish I could lie next to you.
4
SPEAKER_01
And like, no, say, you know, like, you re so beautiful and so amazing.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay, you hate that.
4
SPEAKER_01
I need that.
4
SPEAKER_00
No, I just think it s funny.
4
SPEAKER_00
No?
4
SPEAKER_01
No, but it was just funny.
4
SPEAKER_01
Because then you re reinforcing the fact that like, this isn t about I want distance from you or like, I m grossed out by you.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s like,
4
SPEAKER_01
say all the things with affirmation and words.
4
SPEAKER_01
And also, one word for you, NyQuil.
4
SPEAKER_01
When I knew that I would be sleeping over, the first few nights I would just take NyQuil or take, I know, whatever.
5
SPEAKER_00
This is not obviously a medical podcast.
5
SPEAKER_01
And it s not tenable.
5
SPEAKER_01
You can t do that every day for the rest of your life.
5
SPEAKER_00
As he said, though, you do adjust to the person, but it s the first few nights.
5
SPEAKER_00
And again, the first night often where you sleep zero minutes, take a helpful sleep thing and then you ll adjust.
5
SPEAKER_00
If this is someone that you want to eventually sleep next to and you want to get through those first few nights, just give yourself a little help.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, if it works.
5
SPEAKER_01
Sorry, Joseph.
5
SPEAKER_00
I know.
5
SPEAKER_00
Women are tough.
5
SPEAKER_00
Women are tough, but you re 6 6 .
5
SPEAKER_00
You ll be fine.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
You ve got a lot going for you.
5
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_01
Oh, this is kind of interesting.
5
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_01
Should I take a leap and cut all my hair off even though I know my partner won t like it?
5
SPEAKER_01
This is from Elizabeth.
5
SPEAKER_01
Hey, Monica and Liz, thanks for the great weekly convos.
5
SPEAKER_01
I know both of you can appreciate how important hair is to our identity.
5
SPEAKER_01
I ve bounced between long bobs and longer hair my whole life, but lately I ve been feeling the desire to try something totally new and a little scary for me and do a pixie cut or even a buzz cut for a really bold and fashion-forward look.
5
SPEAKER_01
I might hate it, but I feel like I want to at least give it a try, especially because it represents a step of freedom for me.
5
SPEAKER_01
I mentioned wanting to try short hair to my husband and he said I could rock it.
5
SPEAKER_01
Of course, I immediately started with my vision board and picturing my cool style with it.
5
SPEAKER_01
Then the next day, I brought it up again.
5
SPEAKER_01
When he realized I was serious, he got super sad.
5
SPEAKER_01
He said he loves my hair and he would be bummed if I cut it.
5
SPEAKER_01
We got into a little argument over this.
5
SPEAKER_01
He later came back and apologized for inserting himself into a choice about my own appearance and that I should do it if I want to.
5
SPEAKER_01
I know he ll love me no matter what, but now that I realize he truly isn t into it or attracted to the idea of short hair, I m torn.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s my body, but I recognize that we both want to look attractive to one another and he chooses looks that he knows I like.
5
SPEAKER_01
Help!
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SPEAKER_01
Should I go for it or should I stick with what I know the love of my life prefers? 
5
SPEAKER_01
I have bad advice.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, me too.
5
SPEAKER_01
I don t think you should do it.
5
SPEAKER_01
Oh.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s bad advice.
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SPEAKER_01
Like, I know the appropriate advice.
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SPEAKER_01
It s your life, and it s your opportunity to express your freedom, and you should do it.
5
SPEAKER_01
You should always prioritize yourself and your needs.
5
SPEAKER_01
That s the right answer, and I think
5
SPEAKER_01
If you were my friend, I d be like, how badly?
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SPEAKER_01
How important is it?
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SPEAKER_01
If it truly is, if I don t do this, I won t feel like myself.
5
SPEAKER_01
But if it s just aesthetically, this could be fun.
5
SPEAKER_01
I probably wouldn t do it.
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SPEAKER_01
Sorry, but that s my truth.
5
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I think you could go both ways.
5
SPEAKER_00
She does mention that it represents freedom for her, but I think you re right.
5
SPEAKER_00
If it s just aesthetics and you re just like, oh, I just feel like it, and that your partner thinks he won t be into it, it might be like a daily thing that you re going to have to like get used to.
5
SPEAKER_00
I also think that he might be underestimating how much he would like it.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like it is hard to know what a person will look like, and it s hard for you to know, let alone him.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I think men have like a weird hair thing.
5
SPEAKER_00
Men have a weird hair thing.
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SPEAKER_00
They re like afraid of us having short hair and bangs.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like they re so opposed to both in ways that are weird because you re like, there are tons of sex symbols that have bangs and short hair.
5
SPEAKER_00
And yet they re so afraid of it.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, actually, this is an interesting topic.
5
SPEAKER_01
There s a connection between short hair and like
5
SPEAKER_01
sexual or something.
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SPEAKER_01
Like it s sexy because it s edgy.
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SPEAKER_01
And then there s something about long hair that s like, I mean, this is very like Madonna whore complex.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s like the long hair girl is this like virgin.
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SPEAKER_01
I mean, this is made up, obviously.
5
SPEAKER_01
None of this is real.
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SPEAKER_01
But I think that is what it s provoking is innocence.
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SPEAKER_01
Like long hair equals innocence.
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SPEAKER_01
I mean, this is gross, right?
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SPEAKER_01
But I think that s what is happening on maybe
5
SPEAKER_01
If I m going to be nice, a subconscious level.
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SPEAKER_01
And so the sex symbols, having short hair and bangs is fun because that s like fun for a night, but not who you want to like be with.
5
SPEAKER_01
You want to like, again, I really think that this is like a Madonna whore thing.
5
Wow.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s giving men a lot of credit.
5
SPEAKER_00
Or no credit?
5
SPEAKER_00
Giving them no credit.
5
SPEAKER_00
Well, that so much is going into this weird— Subconscious.
5
SPEAKER_01
I don t think it s conscious.
5
SPEAKER_01
And it s not men.
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SPEAKER_01
It s women, too.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s societal.
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SPEAKER_01
Like, I think that s a societal aura we have.
5
SPEAKER_01
I agree.
5
SPEAKER_01
That s my armchair opinion on that.
5
SPEAKER_00
I also— This is a two-word answer.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m getting really tired.
5
SPEAKER_00
hair grows, cut it short, and then in a few months it ll be longer, and in a few months it ll be back to what it was.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
We re not giving good advice because, like, we re tired.
5
SPEAKER_01
No, that s not why.
5
SPEAKER_01
But because this really could go either way.
5
SPEAKER_00
Well, just to take the pressure off, basically, the both of you, that this isn t, like, permanently altering your appearance.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s a haircut, which is great because hair will grow back and change.
5
SPEAKER_01
He ll be attracted to you because he loves you it might take a sec to get used to but it ll then that Also, everyone looks the same after a few days.
5
SPEAKER_01
You just get used to it.
5
SPEAKER_01
It ll be fine either way but I do think the thing to think about is how important is it to you and if you in your Heart are like this is really important.
5
SPEAKER_01
Then you do have to do it because you also will resent him if you don t that s a good point which would be worse than him not liking exactly and he
5
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
5
SPEAKER_01
No, I m just kidding.
5
SPEAKER_01
Just kidding.
5
SPEAKER_01
We love him.
5
SPEAKER_01
We love him.
5
SPEAKER_01
He s great.
5
SPEAKER_00
We should do Midnight Saint more often.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s just like whatever.
5
SPEAKER_01
No, we care.
5
SPEAKER_01
We care.
5
SPEAKER_00
We do.
5
SPEAKER_00
We do.
5
SPEAKER_00
We do.
5
SPEAKER_01
How many times have you thought about him since?
5
SPEAKER_01
Not that many.
5
SPEAKER_01
Like maybe seven times.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m not even kidding.
5
SPEAKER_00
There were all these cute moments where he looked into my eyes and we like locked eyes and like when I was talking, he was like smiling.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
What?
5
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_00
And it was just sweet, but you re right.
5
SPEAKER_00
I don t know him.
5
SPEAKER_00
That is sweet.
5
SPEAKER_00
He also has a name that works with mine.
5
SPEAKER_00
We both have one syllable, first name and last name.
5
SPEAKER_00
This is the part.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s hugely important.
5
SPEAKER_00
This is the part that s a little bit addict-y.
5
SPEAKER_00
Of me looking at how our names will look next to each other.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, after what?
5
SPEAKER_00
Group date.
5
SPEAKER_01
But I m excited, you re excited.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s good for the both of us.
5
SPEAKER_00
Because it slows me down.
5
SPEAKER_00
And it amps you up.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s like an upper and a downer.
5
SPEAKER_00
Depending on who takes it.
5
SPEAKER_01
Oh man.
5
SPEAKER_01
Alright.
5
SPEAKER_01
Well, what an evening.
5
SPEAKER_01
Can t believe it.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s so fun.
5
SPEAKER_01
We really do hard things.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, we do.
5
SPEAKER_01
We ve been doing hard things since 2022.
5
SPEAKER_01
And we will continue to do so.
5
SPEAKER_01
Thanks for tuning in.
5
SPEAKER_01
Thank you for following this chaotic adventure.
5
SPEAKER_01
And we ll be back next week.
5
SPEAKER_01
Bye.