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Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous.
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We love Armchair Anonymous.
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We especially love today.
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Wild card.
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Wild card.
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You don t know what you re gonna get, and that s fun.
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It s Chef s Surprise.
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Is that what they called it?
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They call it.
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Chef s Choice.
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Chef s Choice.
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Remember that in elementary school?
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No.
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Did you ever have that?
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They have it at sushi restaurants.
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Oh, they do?
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That s scary.
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Omasake, Omasake.
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At sushi, I don t know, raw fish.
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It was always a disaster at school.
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I guess you had the lunch menu the week leading up to it.
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And one of the days would say, Chef Surprise, and it was always that gross two pound hot dog, the Snoopy hot dog.
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Snoopy?
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Yeah, they called it the Snoopy special on a normal day, but then when no one liked it, so then they would name it Chef Surprise.
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It was clearly whatever they needed to unload.
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Sure.
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The notion that the chef had curated something special for us,
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It never was that.
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It was always whatever thing we all agree is the worst is what s on Thursday.
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Remind me, at your school, was it cool or not cool to bring your own lunch?
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I won t be objective about this.
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I only had packed lunch, so all I wanted was hot lunch.
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So to me, hot lunch was so cool.
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Your parents had dough.
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They would fucking, why don t you buy lunch today?
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Why don t you go out to lunch today when you re at school?
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That was the opposite for me.
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It was?
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Yeah, and us.
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What did it represent?
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Your parents didn t care about you?
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No, it s just not good food.
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Oh, it was really good food at Bora.
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I went to school.
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Rectangle pizza.
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Yeah.
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I think it represented, and then you had to carry your tray around.
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Like, oh, it s so embarrassing to have to carry your tray.
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Oh, I loved carrying the tray.
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I was like, look at me, I m loaded.
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I m going out to lunch today.
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I was always trying to wheel and deal, try to trade one of my bologna sandwiches for some of that pizza.
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No one ever wanted anything.
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I brought either two bologna sandwiches or two cheese sandwiches.
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And that was it.
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And I got a quarter to get a milk.
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My mom was like, don t buy yourself something to eat, but go ahead and buy yourself a drink.
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And did you have the brown paper bag or did you have a lunchbox?
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A fucking brown paper sack.
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My mom would often put a banana in there.
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There d be some fruit too.
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Something extra.
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And often the banana would get bruised throughout the day and then it would soften and leak the bag and you d pick your bag up out of your desk and the whole fucking thing would break open.
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like a meet Q but not a meet Q. No, not a meet Q. Too big and dumb.
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Oh man.
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Yeah, I did not.
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And it s funny because my kids can have hot lunch if they want it and they don t want it.
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See.
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And I m so confused.
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I think that s more, that was more my gen too.
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Or my school, maybe just my school.
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I d love to see some broad data on it.
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It has to be socioeconomic.
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It is.
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I bet all the places that you can t afford it, you want it.
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Exactly.
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Yeah.
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I think it evolves too, like when you re little, little, you like hot lunch, but then when you get into high school and you know about food.
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Oh no, I liked it even more in high school, because then you could go up and there were options.
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You could always get fries.
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What about high school?
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Remember the pizza?
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No, high school never.
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You packed a lunch every day.
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Oh, yeah.
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Oh my God.
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Remember the pizza, the pepperoni on the pizza was just these tiny cubes.
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Do you remember that?
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Well, I do remember that was at the roller skating rink.
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We had slices, which is interesting because yours was rectangular.
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Yeah.
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And I think Sabatazzo Pizza made all the pizzas for the whole country.
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I really do.
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I ll do maybe a side episode about Sabatazzo Pizza.
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The pepperoni was tiny cubes.
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I know what you re talking about.
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Those are good.
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Is that what yours were?
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It depends on the pizza.
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There was Schwan s pizza that had that.
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It s just a different way to prepare it.
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At school, yeah.
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We had circular.
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Yeah, us too.
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Yeah.
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And you had rectangle with cubes.
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I like that because they could get crispy like a bacon lardon or whatever.
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I like both now though.
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Like if you put square cube with circular pepperoni?
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Yeah, but that s because that s like high quality ingredients.
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Anywho.
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Anywho, there s no pizza stories in this one.
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There is not, there is not.
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But there s some other fun really.
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They re wild and they re card.
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Even more card than they are wild.
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One of them is hard to listen to.
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Like one of them you probably shouldn t listen to.
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All right, please enjoy Wild Card.
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♪ Hard times come and go ♪
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love my life i had them both but one thing you gotta know i ma keep on shining
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Hello.
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Can y all hear me?
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Wonderfully.
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Can you hear us?
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I can t.
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Susan or Suzanne?
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I am Suzanne.
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I am from Wilburn, Georgia, right near Monica.
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You sound familiar.
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Oh, okay.
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I don t know if I like that because I m originally from New Jersey, but I ve been in the South for 20 some odd years, but I still like to think that I don t have that Southern soul.
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You ve picked it up a little bit.
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Yeah, I did a little bit.
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It s bound to happen, I guess.
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It s charming.
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What I have come to be compassionate for all of us on is my little kids were in the back seat and we were in Nashville for just four days.
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And my littlest one goes, mom, I have to really fight the urge to start talking like them.
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Soon as I hear it, I just want to do it.
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I almost think there s something evolutionarily.
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So you don t stick out that you can pick it up really quick.
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And then you re inclined to mimic it.
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Yeah, I mean, I moved to Tennessee when I was going into middle school, worst time possible.
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Yeah.
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And so it s like, you have to adopt it or you will get mocked endlessly.
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They didn t like the way I spoke very much.
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Another sidebar.
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Looks like you re into sneakers, which I admire.
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I am.
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I m sadly only have my one pair of Jordans.
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I wear them sparingly.
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They just diminish in value as you accumulate more.
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They really do.
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Yeah, I mean, the kids are trying not to crease them.
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I ve given up on that.
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There s going to be creases.
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Okay, so, and you re still in Georgia.
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I am.
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And what s so fun for Monica and I is that wild card, we just don t know.
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Only Emma knows.
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We have no idea.
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We don t know if you ve shot and killed a werewolf, rappelled out of a skyscraper.
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We don t know.
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I m not that adventurous, but there are definitely some twists and turns.
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Ooh, yay.
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So just a little background.
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My wife and I got married back in 2014 at actually the Griffith Observatory.
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We had like a little pop-up ceremony.
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Oh, sweet.
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It was closed, there was nobody there to stop us.
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That s Dax s hike.
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Oh, should I say that?
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Oh yeah, that s fine.
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I run into armchairies hourly.
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That s Dax s hiking spot.
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Yeah.
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Yeah, exactly.
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We just hired a minister to come out.
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That was it.
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Just the two of us at the Griff s Observatory.
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Incredible.
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Best pictures ever.
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So after we got married, we started trying to conceive right away.
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We knew that we were both wanting children.
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I was already 33, 34.
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So things were getting to that age.
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You re approaching geriatric, what are they called?
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Exactly.
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Yeah, exactly.
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God, it s disgusting.
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Such a nice word.
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My wife is younger, but we kind of thought I would be the carrier.
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So we tried that for a good two, two and a half years without any luck.
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And so we started turning our sights towards adoption.
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And my wife was on like a Facebook group for women who just kind of like shared their problems.
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It was like a community.
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She posted on there how she was so upset.
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This just wasn t happening.
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Explaining what our goals were.
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And then a lady responded and said, hey, can I message you privately?
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So this woman named Chloe responds, says, hey, I m three, four months pregnant.
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I m the single mom of a six-year-old with some health needs.
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I can t do it.
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Oh, wow.
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I can t have this baby.
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Do you want to talk about options?
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We were excited, but also like we watched Catfish.
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Yeah.
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Oh, this is questionable.
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She lived in California.
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We were in Georgia.
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So, we re like, we can t just say no, obviously.
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Like, you re not gonna give up that chance.
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We ended up just texting with her for a while, and she told us about her job and her daughter and just her life.
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And so, we kind of started to feel comfortable with her, and we thought, well, let s go ahead and FaceTime.
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So we had a FaceTime with her.
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We met her daughter.
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She was there.
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So we got to talk to her.
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Just got so much information.
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And then of course we hang up and we re like, we re going to go full spy on her.
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Deep background.
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Yeah.
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Like she told us the place of her employment.
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She even sent a picture of her license plate because of the vanity plate that we both had interests in.
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So we re like, okay, she s given a lot, but we were scared.
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Yeah.
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And of course, anybody we told, they were like, whoa, whoa.
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I don t know that that s a good idea.
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What s sad is that you re right to have your guard up.
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And then I do think con artists prey on people that are in vulnerable situations.
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So they know people who are really kind of desperate for a solution.
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And I think it s kind of wise to be aware of that.
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Absolutely.
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But we did it all.
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We checked it out.
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We found she worked where she said she worked.
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She lived where she said she lived.
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Her daughter was who she was.
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So we re like, okay, let s start talking from there.
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It just kind of took off.
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She was three, four months pregnant at the time.
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And so for four months, we texted, called, FaceTime every day.
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It was almost like harmful for the relationship because we were spending so much time texting with this other person because we wanted to just have this connection with her.
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And she was like sharing the pregnancy.
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She s having a really hard time.
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She s in the hospital off and on with a vitamin A deficiency, which is apparently harmful for the fetus.
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So we were concerned about that.
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And then there is also obviously takes
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to make a baby.
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So we had bio father questions.
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He was concerned because he wanted an open adoption, but that s not really possible when you re across the country from each other.
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And she s like, but we re going to therapy.
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I really, really feel like he s going to come around.
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So we were feeling good, kept going.
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She got to about month seven and a half or eight.
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And at that point, we re like, okay,
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We have to fly to California when the baby is born, but we don t know when the baby is born.
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And then laws state if you re going to bring a baby across state lines as an adoption, you have to stay in that state for two or three weeks.
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They have to do the paperwork.
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It s this whole thing.
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So we were just trying to figure out where do we stay?
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When do we come?
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How do we do this?
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And then we kind of started planning this all out with her.
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And my wife is just like, I just don t feel good.
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Something s going to ruin this.
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It s not going to happen.
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And I don t know why.
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Maybe it s my
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fear of getting excited or being happy, and I m, like, resistant to that.
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So, she kind of pulled back, and I have that fault where I just trust to no end, and I m like, believe the best in the person, they re fine.
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That s a nice quality, but it can bite you.
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Really gets you every once in a while.
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So, a few weeks after my wife pulled away, I was still chatting.
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But then, probably around eight months, she posted something on her Facebook about, hey, I got a tattoo today.
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I don t think that you re supposed to do that when you re pregnant.
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And then she posted something about a music festival that she was excited about that was coming up.
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And we looked at it, it turns out it was on the date of the due date.
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What?
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God, she almost played it.
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I mean, what a dumb mistake as a con artist.
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Wait, you re seeing her every day, so you re seeing she s pregnant?
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We re seeing.
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She s like sending baby bump pictures.
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She sent ultrasound pictures.
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Okay, okay.
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She was every step talking to us, telling us the therapist s name.
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We were getting a lot of information.
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that I think you re always still cautious in the back of your head, but we re like, it s all checking out.
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So we were like, OK, something s not right.
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But if we confront her and she is pregnant and we just called her a liar, is she going to be like, fine, I m out if you don t trust me?
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We were hesitant because she never asked for money.
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She never asked for help we offered because she was a single mom.
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We were like, we can help maternity clothes.
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We can do this, that, and the other.
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And she s like, no, I just want a happy home for my child.
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But at that point, my wife went back to the Facebook group where she had met her and just posted, hey, does anybody know her in real life?
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Have you ever met her?
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And a lady came forward and said, oh, yeah, I just had lunch with her a couple of weeks ago.
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We had sushi.
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Yeah.
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And then we were like, well, she s eight months pregnant.
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So is she?
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And she was like, oh, God, no.
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No.
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Not even a little pregnant.
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Oh no, what?
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No!
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I know.
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And so we were just like, what was going on here?
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We started telling this woman about the pregnancy, the father, everything that s been happening over five months.
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And it turns out the description of the father that we had received was a description of this woman s husband.
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Here we go.
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Wow.
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Wow, wow, wow.
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The three of them were in a relationship like six months prior and they were as a throuple trying to conceive.
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Does she really have a daughter?
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She does have a daughter.
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Okay.
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Because we were like a part of her real Facebook page.
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We were seeing her grandparents  posts.
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She did not at all hold back any of her personal life.
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So is the husband the father of the kid also?
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No, but the husband and wife were in a relationship with her.
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They decided they were going to live as a family and that they were going to try and conceive and whichever one got pregnant, that s great.
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This guy must have some rhythm.
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Seriously.
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That woman was like, well, did she conceive with my husband?
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And then regretted it?
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And then maybe had miscarriage?
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Like, what is going on here?
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So we finally confronted her via text and we re like, hey, listen, we just talked to so-and-so and she told us.
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And we said, my wife s been concerned for a couple months now.
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She s like, well, if you were concerned, why didn t you just tell me?
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And that was it.
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It was on you.
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Oh my God.
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What?
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She didn t deny it either.
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She didn t deny it.
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That s so curious.
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What was she showing you?
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Was she bored?
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As soon as you said vitamin A deficiency, I m like, okay, she s laying track for needing medical assistance and tough pregnancy.
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Like she s definitely setting up that she s going to need money.
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But then she didn t, and then she didn t deny it, so it s not like she was living some fantasy she bought into.
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This is so peculiar.
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Was she bored?
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Well, maybe she did buy it.
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Maybe she has some version of Munchausen.
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Multiple personality.
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Or something.
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And I will add, she is in the medical field, so that cracks with the Munchausen.
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Oh, and her kid has special needs.
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And she works with children with special needs, which was a concern.
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And then it was like, well, what do we do?
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Do we just let her go on with her life?
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Exactly.
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Like, where do you even report someone?
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Like the fire department?
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We can t.
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We can t do anything illegal.
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We can t give her money.
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Right.
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At that point, I was like, I m done.
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I put my trust in her.
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I m out.
1
SPEAKER_01
Out of 10 excitement level that a baby s arriving, where had you allowed yourself to get to and were you heartbroken or was that taken over by resentment and anger?
1
SPEAKER_00
I was probably at like an eight or nine in the excitement because it had gotten so far along.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
You really start preparing.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh no, were you doing nursery and stuff?
1
SPEAKER_00
We hadn t started.
1
SPEAKER_00
While we were trying to conceive, we had been collecting baby stuff for years at this point.
1
SPEAKER_00
But yeah, I think anger took over grief.
1
SPEAKER_00
Actually on the due date, we had like, it s not a baby shower, just to like try and add some levity to it.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
the time that we d wasted that we could have been exploring other avenues.
1
SPEAKER_00
I mean, it was heartbreaking.
1
SPEAKER_00
So she never spoke to us again.
1
SPEAKER_00
We never had interactions.
1
SPEAKER_00
My wife reached out to her grandparent and was like, just so you know, this is what your grandchild is doing.
1
SPEAKER_00
They didn t really.
1
SPEAKER_00
have anything to say.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, she probably didn t turn out that way because everything was ideal.
1
SPEAKER_01
Sure.
1
SPEAKER_01
Give her some grace.
1
SPEAKER_00
You have to have some sympathy because I think she was just lonely.
1
SPEAKER_00
She was getting so much attention from us.
1
SPEAKER_01
And she was important to you.
1
SPEAKER_01
She was valued.
1
SPEAKER_01
She was needed.
1
SPEAKER_02
But honestly, that is Munchausen s.
1
SPEAKER_01
You re looking right at Munchausen s.
1
SPEAKER_02
It is!
1
SPEAKER_02
It s the being needed and necessary.
1
SPEAKER_02
I m so sorry this happened to you.
1
SPEAKER_00
In the end, it s a blessing.
1
SPEAKER_00
Three years after that COVID started, all of these parents were home with their kids lamenting about, oh my God, they hurt all day.
1
SPEAKER_00
And we just kind of looked at each other like, oh, thank God we don t have kids.
1
SPEAKER_00
We re just home to two of us.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then fast forward three months, we get a call from the foster.
1
SPEAKER_00
We had gone through foster care training saying, hey, we have three siblings that we re looking for an adoptive parent for.
1
SPEAKER_00
Are you interested?
1
SPEAKER_00
And we said, absolutely we are.
1
SPEAKER_01
Whoa.
1
SPEAKER_01
You went from zero to three?
1
SPEAKER_00
We went from zero to three.
1
SPEAKER_00
So three weeks later, we had a one-year-old boy and then four and five-year-old girl.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, man.
1
SPEAKER_00
They re now five, eight, and nine.
1
SPEAKER_01
And how s it going?
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, God, it s hard.
1
SPEAKER_00
There was definitely a long transition period of just the sound levels.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, and this is great.
1
SPEAKER_01
I talk about this all the time.
1
SPEAKER_01
So had you had those children, your body would have produced a surplus of oxytocin to dull all that and make you stupid for a while.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I would tell my wife, you know, that crying sounds different to you and I.
1
SPEAKER_00
And you have three of it, and it s three kids who came in with trauma.
1
SPEAKER_00
So, they have histories that affected behaviors and affected their responses to love or attention.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so, that was our bigger thing.
1
SPEAKER_00
I always told my parents, you made three look so easy.
1
SPEAKER_00
So, that was the end of three.
1
SPEAKER_00
And they just kind of laughed.
1
SPEAKER_00
They re like, we fooled you.
1
SPEAKER_00
Good.
1
SPEAKER_00
But it s even like another step higher when it s a trauma-based child because their reactions are not what you think they are.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know, they re not throwing a fit because you took away
1
SPEAKER_00
their snack that they weren t supposed to have.
1
SPEAKER_00
They re throwing a fit because they have food insecurity and that means something to them.
1
SPEAKER_00
They re hiding food for a reason, not just because they re not listening to you.
1
SPEAKER_01
No, the patience that you have to have.
1
SPEAKER_00
I thought I had a lot of patience until I became a parent.
1
SPEAKER_00
I quickly realized that all your own insufficiencies come out when you become a parent, and you re like, oh, need to work on that.
1
SPEAKER_01
They fucking teach you patience in a way, because you have no choice but to adapt and get them.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s the stress of always, can you do enough to undo what was done to them?
1
SPEAKER_00
We kind of naively thought the one-year-old, oh, God, he s fine.
1
SPEAKER_00
We got him early enough.
1
SPEAKER_00
Now he s five and you re kind of seeing things come out.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know, it s like the body keeps the score.
1
SPEAKER_00
We see that lived out on the daily.
1
SPEAKER_00
Certain times of year, they don t know why they re in a state, but it s because that was when they were moved from their first house.
1
SPEAKER_00
They don t know that, but they know it.
1
SPEAKER_02
This whole experience must give you just the utmost amount of empathy for everyone.
1
SPEAKER_02
Even just the way you re speaking about all of this, like understanding, oh, that behavior is not actually about that behavior.
1
SPEAKER_02
I m sure you see the world so much differently now.
1
SPEAKER_00
I do, because I was definitely, I think, a person before parenting that I was like, oh, why is that kid acting that way?
1
SPEAKER_00
Or I would never let my child X, Y, and Z. And I see it in other parents when they re seeing my children.
1
SPEAKER_00
And you just have to say, you know, they re processing and they re doing great for their circumstance.
1
SPEAKER_00
You have to buy those little wins and just say they re going through it and they re surviving it.
1
SPEAKER_00
Our hope is that we can just provide the stable foundation now with us and with therapy and everything we can do, they can still be successful.
1
SPEAKER_01
Do they have a crazy bond between the three of them?
2
SPEAKER_00
over and they re still playing the three of them.
2
SPEAKER_00
I think when you foster or adopt, there s like a requirement, I think, on those parents to act like they re so happy all the time and that everything is wonderful.
2
SPEAKER_00
And that s something we struggled with.
2
SPEAKER_00
I remember calling my sister who has kids and I was like, OK, you know, they always say, but at the end of the day, it s worth it.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I m like, am I supposed to feel that way every day?
2
SPEAKER_00
And she s like, oh, hell no.
2
SPEAKER_00
If you get that once a year, you re golden.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay, because sometimes I m like, oh my God, what have we gotten ourselves into?
2
SPEAKER_00
But in the end, we can give them the love and the support and give them the services that they need.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s a fight.
2
SPEAKER_00
You have to fight with schools.
2
SPEAKER_00
You have to fight with society.
2
SPEAKER_00
There s so much that s really pitted against them.
2
SPEAKER_02
Fuck.
2
SPEAKER_02
I m so grateful.
2
SPEAKER_02
You re doing so admirable.
2
SPEAKER_00
Really?
2
SPEAKER_00
Thank you.
2
SPEAKER_00
They really made.
2
SPEAKER_00
our dreams come true.
2
SPEAKER_00
You know, everybody s like, oh, my God, it s such a great thing you re doing.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m like, this is exactly the family we wanted.
2
SPEAKER_00
And now I m 44 and I have all three and we don t have to worry about it.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, real turnkey.
2
SPEAKER_02
Suzanne, this was wild.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_02
Thank you so much for sharing it.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I m really moved by this.
2
SPEAKER_02
I asked about how close they are because I will just say because I was in so many different houses and there were so many different people and dudes and stuff.
2
SPEAKER_02
My brother and I were like, oh, right.
2
SPEAKER_02
But you re always here.
2
SPEAKER_02
No matter where we go, you re here.
2
SPEAKER_02
I need you, I love you, regardless of how well we get along at all times.
2
SPEAKER_02
I have a bond with him that I do think is unique between siblings, and I just hope they have that, and I hope you can see it.
2
SPEAKER_02
Of the silver linings of all that stuff, it s a pretty big one.
2
SPEAKER_00
You know, we tell them, now I promise, you re gonna be best friends one day.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh, even if they don t get along, they ll kill for each other.
2
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
2
SPEAKER_00
They re doing awesome.
2
SPEAKER_00
So we could not be happier.
2
SPEAKER_02
Well, a pleasure meeting you.
2
SPEAKER_00
Thanks so much.
2
SPEAKER_00
Sending lots of love.
2
SPEAKER_00
Thank you.
2
SPEAKER_00
It was nice to meet you guys.
2
SPEAKER_02
All right.
2
SPEAKER_00
Bye.
2
SPEAKER_02
Bye-bye.
2
SPEAKER_02
We re garbage.
2
SPEAKER_02
I ll speak for myself.
2
SPEAKER_02
I m garbage.
2
SPEAKER_02
I could be doing more.
2
SPEAKER_02
That s incredible.
2
SPEAKER_02
So incredible.
2
SPEAKER_02
Those kids were lucky.
2
SPEAKER_01
Lucky three kiddies.
2
SPEAKER_01
Very lucky.
2
SPEAKER_02
Unlucky kids and lucky kids.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_02
This, little of that.
2
SPEAKER_00
Here s Greg.
2
SPEAKER_02
Greg?
2
SPEAKER_02
Hey, what s going on?
2
SPEAKER_02
How are you?
2
SPEAKER_02
Are you in New Zealand?
2
SPEAKER_02
Why is it dark where you re at?
2
SPEAKER_01
I m in a closet.
2
SPEAKER_01
I have just like a small little light in here.
2
SPEAKER_01
And my wife s like, you re going to look like a serial killer.
2
SPEAKER_02
You don t not look like a serial killer, but you also look friendly, which is maybe the most dangerous kind of serial killer.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s true.
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t dress up like a clown or anything, so that s good.
2
SPEAKER_02
I feel like if you were going to dress up, I d want to see you more in a pirate garb.
2
SPEAKER_01
My wife and I used to do theater before kids.
2
SPEAKER_01
I ve played a pirate before.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, you would really, really do well as a pirate.
2
SPEAKER_02
And then just real playful headset.
2
SPEAKER_02
Your headphones are half blue, half red.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yes, they re my oldest daughter s Nintendo Switch headset.
2
SPEAKER_02
That explains it.
2
SPEAKER_01
I love it.
2
SPEAKER_02
Greg, where are you at in the country?
2
SPEAKER_01
I am in Canton, Ohio.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s just like an hour south of Cleveland.
2
SPEAKER_02
Wonderful.
2
SPEAKER_02
We love our Ohio neighbors, our Buckeyes.
2
SPEAKER_01
Buckeyes.
2
SPEAKER_01
Buckeyes.
2
SPEAKER_01
I am not a sports person at all, so I m a nerd.
2
SPEAKER_01
Me either.
2
SPEAKER_02
That s why I m free to like people from Ohio, because I m not really a sports guy.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I don t have any beef.
2
SPEAKER_02
We re indistinguishable, Michiganders and Ohioans.
2
SPEAKER_01
Right.
2
SPEAKER_01
We just try to get along with everybody.
2
SPEAKER_02
Do people know this, though, that one of the few wars that have happened on American soil was the Michigan-Ohio War?
2
SPEAKER_02
No one knows that.
2
SPEAKER_02
The total casualties were like a farmer s two pigs were killed.
2
SPEAKER_02
We ll look that up.
2
SPEAKER_02
We ll fact check.
2
SPEAKER_02
The Toledo War, 1835.
2
1835.
2
SPEAKER_02
Am I right about the death total being a pig?
2
SPEAKER_02
No one died.
2
SPEAKER_02
How do you call it a war if no one... It was an argument.
2
SPEAKER_02
The Toledo argument.
2
SPEAKER_02
There was a non-fatal stabbing of a law enforcement officer.
2
SPEAKER_02
Well, sometimes they re called pigs.
2
SPEAKER_01
Maybe that s why you re confused.
2
SPEAKER_02
That was quick.
2
SPEAKER_02
Okay, Greg, hit us with your wild card story.
2
SPEAKER_01
All right, so this takes place in December of 2020, just a few days after my birthday.
2
SPEAKER_02
When s your birthday?
2
SPEAKER_01
December 8th.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_01
We just moved in to our new house.
2
SPEAKER_01
Work s crazy.
2
SPEAKER_01
A lot of people got laid off, and I m working third shift.
2
SPEAKER_01
I tell my wife, I m so tired.
2
SPEAKER_01
I need a break.
2
SPEAKER_01
So I took a vacation day.
2
SPEAKER_02
And third shift s night, yeah?
2
SPEAKER_01
It s like a 10 o clock at night to 6 in the morning shift.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s not what our bodies are supposed to do.
2
SPEAKER_01
We re not nocturnal.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
I take a vacation day.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m at home with the girls.
2
SPEAKER_01
I ve got two girls.
2
SPEAKER_01
Congrats.
2
SPEAKER_01
Thank you.
2
SPEAKER_01
They re amazing.
2
SPEAKER_01
So we re hanging out.
2
SPEAKER_01
My wife s at work.
2
SPEAKER_01
We both had essential jobs.
2
SPEAKER_01
Right around noon is when she would call and say, hey, I m on my way home.
2
SPEAKER_01
Do you want me to pick up some lunch or anything?
2
SPEAKER_01
The kids are outside with the dog.
2
SPEAKER_01
I run in the house, grab my phone, say, oh, maybe she s going to call.
2
SPEAKER_01
I hear the garage door open.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m like, oh crap, the kids are outside, the dog s outside, the dog s gonna get out, because he had just gotten out a couple weeks before this.
2
SPEAKER_01
So I m like, oh great, now I gotta go run and look for the dog.
2
SPEAKER_01
So I run outside, my wife s standing next to her car, holding the dog by the collar.
2
SPEAKER_01
And her car is moving.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I m like, well, that s weird.
2
SPEAKER_01
Why is her car moving?
2
SPEAKER_01
She s not in it.
2
SPEAKER_01
My first instinct, I m thinking, oh, maybe it s just in neutral.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s just rolling because it s not going fast at all.
2
SPEAKER_01
I get in front of it to try to just like push on it to see if it s just rolling and I could stop it.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s not the case.
2
SPEAKER_01
My youngest daughter, she was a year old at this point.
2
SPEAKER_01
She s like basically under the bumper.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh, wait.
2
SPEAKER_02
What?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it s a Honda CRV.
2
SPEAKER_01
So it s kind of like an extended little bumper before you get to those first wheels.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s high.
2
SPEAKER_01
She s practically under it.
2
SPEAKER_01
I pick her up.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m like, oh my gosh, trying to get out of the way of this car.
2
SPEAKER_01
And as I turn, the car knocks me over.
2
SPEAKER_01
Proceeds to roll over top of me while I m still holding my daughter.
2
SPEAKER_01
What?
2
SPEAKER_02
No.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh my God.
2
SPEAKER_02
What is going on?
2
SPEAKER_01
Phantom.
2
SPEAKER_01
Do you think to chuck your daughter?
2
SPEAKER_01
It was kind of cold that day being December in Ohio.
2
SPEAKER_01
So she was in her puffy winter coat and I just slid her across the garage floor and I m just like, this is it.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m done.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s just this excruciating, hard to explain pain.
2
SPEAKER_01
Just rolling up my leg.
2
SPEAKER_01
Your brain just kind of shuts down.
2
SPEAKER_01
You don t even know what s happening at this point.
2
SPEAKER_02
Isn t it quick how immediate your body goes, oh, this is going to be too much for us.
2
SPEAKER_02
We re not even going to experience this.
2
SPEAKER_01
We just shut down.
2
SPEAKER_01
So I just let out this tribal scream.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m like, I m in pain.
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t really know what happened, but I did stop the car on my leg.
2
SPEAKER_01
Then my wife had to proceed to back the car off of it.
2
SPEAKER_01
And that s when it broke.
2
SPEAKER_01
I heard it, felt it.
2
SPEAKER_02
I almost would rather just feel it than hear it.
2
SPEAKER_02
Was it loud?
2
SPEAKER_02
Was it like a shotgun or was it just like a subtle?
2
SPEAKER_01
I heard it.
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t know if anybody else did.
2
SPEAKER_01
I think my wife was just more in, like, freaking out, panic, getting the kids.
2
SPEAKER_01
Fuck this.
2
SPEAKER_01
This is too much.
2
SPEAKER_02
I need more info.
2
SPEAKER_01
He s gonna hit us with it.
2
SPEAKER_02
I know.
2
SPEAKER_02
We need it soon, because I am, like, so confused right now.
2
SPEAKER_01
It turns out she got out of the car and left it in drive.
2
SPEAKER_01
So that s why it was rolling, because she just panicked.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, the dog s there.
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t want him to run out.
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t want him to get out to the busy road.
2
SPEAKER_01
She just got out of the car, like really quick.
2
SPEAKER_01
But then it stopped on my leg, because it s like a speed bump at that point.
2
SPEAKER_01
So she s trying to call 911, and my wife will admit it, that she is a freezer.
2
SPEAKER_01
She just froze.
2
SPEAKER_01
She s dialing every number but 911.
2
SPEAKER_01
Four, five, six, you know, three, whatever.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m laying on the ground of the garage at this point, and I just like army crawl.
2
SPEAKER_01
across the floor and I proceed to call 911.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m in pain, I m shaking, and I m just like, yes, hello, I have just been run over by a car.
2
SPEAKER_01
I need an ambulance.
2
SPEAKER_01
They re like, are you on the road?
2
SPEAKER_01
Where are you?
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, I m in my garage.
2
SPEAKER_01
They asked, you know, are you working on it?
2
SPEAKER_01
No, I wasn t working on it.
2
SPEAKER_01
It just rolled over me.
2
SPEAKER_01
It was too hard to explain.
2
SPEAKER_02
I ve called 9-1-1 a couple times in my life, and I end up getting so frustrated with the details that they want at that moment that I think are completely extraneous.
2
SPEAKER_02
Like, who gives a fuck?
2
SPEAKER_02
Tell me that there s an ambulance on the way.
2
SPEAKER_01
Ambulance comes.
2
SPEAKER_01
The wife had to give a police statement because it dealt with an automobile.
2
SPEAKER_01
She s bawling.
2
SPEAKER_01
The youngest that I tossed across the floor, she s just shook.
2
SPEAKER_01
She s just, like, staring.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like, what happened?
2
SPEAKER_01
They get me on the gurney.
2
SPEAKER_01
Then he asks if they can cut the pant leg.
2
SPEAKER_01
of my sweatpants that I was wearing at the time.
2
SPEAKER_01
That was the part that I was the most upset about, because they were great sweatpants.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh, sure, you get attached to these favorite sweats.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, you wear them in.
2
SPEAKER_01
So he proceeds to cut the pants, and I m expecting to see gore.
2
SPEAKER_01
Blood, bone.
2
SPEAKER_01
There wasn t.
2
SPEAKER_01
It was surprising.
2
SPEAKER_01
So they get me to the hospital.
2
SPEAKER_01
They take the x-ray.
2
SPEAKER_01
The doctor comes in, and he s like, we need to do an MRI because we re pretty sure your bones are broken, but we can t really tell.
2
SPEAKER_01
So they do the MRI, and they find out that both the tib and the fib are fractured right below the knee.
2
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_02
But they haven t separated entirely.
2
SPEAKER_02
These are fissures in there now.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
They were so surprised.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like what happened?
2
SPEAKER_01
So I m now sitting in the room.
2
SPEAKER_01
I call my wife seeing like how she s doing most importantly.
3
SPEAKER_01
How s the youngest?
3
SPEAKER_01
Is she okay?
3
SPEAKER_01
Did I hurt her when she slid across the floor?
3
SPEAKER_01
Wouldn t you believe it?
3
SPEAKER_01
The youngest finally spoke, and what she said was, Daddy pushed me.
3
SPEAKER_03
Oh, boy.
3
SPEAKER_01
First words.
3
SPEAKER_01
I saved her life.
3
SPEAKER_01
I pushed her out of the way of getting run over, and she said, Daddy pushed me.
3
SPEAKER_02
That s probably the thing that hurt the most in the whole day.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I was like, what do you mean?
3
SPEAKER_01
I wasn t doing it maliciously.
3
SPEAKER_01
It was pretty crazy.
3
SPEAKER_01
And to top it all off, that week, I had just signed up for my life insurance policy.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I m like, what are you trying to do to me?
3
SPEAKER_02
Sure, and also how suspicious.
3
SPEAKER_02
They would have investigated the hell out of her had you died.
3
SPEAKER_03
Left it in drive.
3
SPEAKER_01
Got out to save the dog.
3
SPEAKER_02
Also, this sounds like the slowest moving catastrophe of all time.
3
SPEAKER_02
It s like a very unspectacular way to almost get killed.
3
SPEAKER_01
It was going like half a mile an hour.
3
SPEAKER_01
It was like the scene from Austin Powers with the steamroller, if you remember that part.
3
SPEAKER_01
Free, stop!
3
SPEAKER_01
And they re like a mile away and it just keeps slowly inching towards.
3
SPEAKER_02
I bet what happened is there was too many decisions to make.
3
SPEAKER_02
Does she go for the dog, the kid, her husband, the car?
3
SPEAKER_02
The house?
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, is the car gonna drive through the house?
3
SPEAKER_02
Too many options, not cool under fire.
3
SPEAKER_01
It could have been a lot worse, obviously, but it was just so random.
3
SPEAKER_01
That garage ended up being cursed.
3
SPEAKER_01
They got ran into by a food delivery driver, and then our cars got trapped in the garage for like three months.
3
SPEAKER_02
Oh, jeez.
3
SPEAKER_02
Oh, well, Greg, thanks for telling us that tale.
3
SPEAKER_03
I m glad you made it out.
3
SPEAKER_02
Me too.
3
SPEAKER_02
Same.
3
SPEAKER_02
Would it be okay if my wife said hello?
3
SPEAKER_02
Of course.
3
SPEAKER_02
Get her in that dark closet.
3
SPEAKER_01
Here s the culprit.
3
SPEAKER_04
Hi.
3
SPEAKER_02
Hi.
3
SPEAKER_02
What s your name?
3
SPEAKER_04
I m Courtney.
3
SPEAKER_02
Nice to meet you.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_02
You have an immediate sweetness that I understand why that was an overwhelming situation.
3
SPEAKER_02
I can just see.
3
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, it was a lot.
3
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_04
I was like, Monica s going to hate dogs even more now.
3
SPEAKER_03
I didn t say it, but I did think maybe that wasn t the creature worth saving in the moment.
3
SPEAKER_03
You know, but I get it.
3
SPEAKER_03
I mean, I don t, but I do.
3
SPEAKER_02
It didn t make me hate dogs, but it did make me think why on earth when we have two kids, it s so much that we also throw dogs in the mix because we re in that same situation.
3
SPEAKER_02
Once a month, we re driving around the fucking neighborhood looking for these assholes and there s coyotes out.
3
SPEAKER_02
We got our hands full with just the two humans.
3
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_02
We re gluttons for punishment.
3
SPEAKER_04
Well, we had him first.
3
SPEAKER_02
Oh, okay.
3
SPEAKER_02
That s fair to him.
3
SPEAKER_04
Everybody s okay.
3
SPEAKER_04
It s all that matters.
3
SPEAKER_04
It s our craziest story.
3
SPEAKER_04
It had to be told.
3
SPEAKER_02
Well, nice meeting both of you.
3
SPEAKER_04
Nice to meet you.
3
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_02
Take care.
3
SPEAKER_00
Bye.
3
SPEAKER_02
Here comes Morgan.
3
SPEAKER_00
Hi, can you hear me?
3
SPEAKER_02
Yes, can you hear us?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yes, I can.
3
SPEAKER_02
You ve got the Duck Duck Goose sweater.
3
SPEAKER_00
It looks so cute on you.
3
SPEAKER_02
It really does.
3
SPEAKER_02
Do you get compliments on it?
3
SPEAKER_00
I do.
3
SPEAKER_00
I ve actually been wearing it when I travel in airports in hopes that I ll find an arm cherry in the wild.
3
SPEAKER_00
Has it happened?
3
SPEAKER_00
It hasn t happened yet, but there s still time.
3
SPEAKER_02
Where are you at, Morgan?
3
SPEAKER_00
I am in Wenatchee, Washington, which is right in the center of Washington State.
3
SPEAKER_02
What s happening in the center?
3
SPEAKER_02
It s mountainous.
3
SPEAKER_02
It s dry.
3
SPEAKER_00
So it s high desert.
3
SPEAKER_00
We have the Columbia River running through.
3
SPEAKER_00
We get snow in the winter, really hot summers.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s beautiful.
3
SPEAKER_02
So the Columbia River s running through there.
3
SPEAKER_02
How far are you from Hood River, which is also on the Columbia River?
3
SPEAKER_02
Very far.
3
SPEAKER_00
We re pretty far, so it s probably about five hours.
3
SPEAKER_02
Okay, and what occupations exist there?
3
SPEAKER_02
What s the industry?
3
SPEAKER_00
So we re the apple capital of the world.
3
SPEAKER_02
Apple capital!
3
SPEAKER_00
Lots of agriculture.
3
SPEAKER_00
My husband works in ag, so he s a fruit salesman.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then healthcare, and I work in healthcare.
3
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_02
So you have a wild card story.
3
SPEAKER_02
Does it take place in Washington?
3
SPEAKER_00
It actually takes place in Mount hood, Oregon.
3
SPEAKER_02
Oh, wonderful.
3
SPEAKER_00
This story takes place in the summer of 2017.
3
SPEAKER_00
So at this time I was 22 years old.
3
SPEAKER_00
I had just started my career as a nurse.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I met another nurse on the unit I was working on who found out that I had some mountaineering experience.
3
SPEAKER_00
We had kind of gotten to know each other, done some hiking together.
3
SPEAKER_00
And she s like, Hey, I want you to teach me how to climb mountains.
3
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_02
And really quick, what was her assessment of your skill level versus what it really was?
3
SPEAKER_02
And were you flattered that she was referring to you as an expert and were you leaning into it?
3
SPEAKER_02
These are all the things that could have happened to me personally.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I had a lot of experience at that point, actually.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I had been mountaineering with my dad since I was 15.
3
SPEAKER_00
I climbed Mount Rainier for the first time when I was 16.
3
SPEAKER_00
Whoa.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then by this time, I had climbed all five volcanoes in Washington.
3
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
3
SPEAKER_02
Okay, so you re legit.
3
SPEAKER_02
You ve been at it for seven years at this point.
3
SPEAKER_02
How long does it take to get to the top of Rainier?
3
SPEAKER_02
Is that the longest hike?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it s about the longest and it s the tallest technical mountain in the lower 48 states.
3
SPEAKER_00
So it takes about two days.
3
SPEAKER_00
Cause you hike halfway the first day, rest a little bit, and then hike to the very top the second day.
3
SPEAKER_02
And what s that rest like mid mountain?
3
SPEAKER_00
Are you hanging in those cocoons?
3
SPEAKER_00
I ve seen some people hanging in cocoons.
3
SPEAKER_02
I think that s very extreme.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s not that extreme.
3
SPEAKER_00
You bring tents and we sleep on, it s pretty flat ground about halfway up.
3
SPEAKER_00
But you don t really sleep because you go to bed at like six or 7 PM and then you wake up like at midnight.
3
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_02
So it s just a nap at a time that you can t fall asleep.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Cause you re like kind of anxious and anticipating it.
3
SPEAKER_00
So it s not good sleep.
3
SPEAKER_00
You re almost.
3
SPEAKER_02
better off going to bed at four, calling it a nap that goes too long, just framing it mentally.
3
SPEAKER_03
But I think they re on a very tight sketch.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I wasn t the best, but I had a decent amount of experience.
3
SPEAKER_00
She kind of knew my story.
3
SPEAKER_00
So she felt confident going with me.
3
SPEAKER_00
This is my friend, Caitlin, who asked me to teach her to climb mountains.
3
SPEAKER_00
I was super excited that she had asked me because I had mainly climbed with my dad.
3
SPEAKER_00
and his 50 year old buddies.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I was like to have someone my age who s female to climb with.
3
SPEAKER_00
So we set a plan in place.
3
SPEAKER_00
We re going to train all spring.
3
SPEAKER_00
So we re going to hike, we re going to do some rucksacking, which I know you re familiar with.
3
SPEAKER_00
And so our plan was to do Mount Adams in May, which is not super technical, Mount Hood in June.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then our end goal was going to be to climb Mount Rainier again for me in July and start from like the least technical to the most technical.
3
SPEAKER_00
So we do Mount Adams successfully.
3
SPEAKER_00
So we start planning our trip for Mount Hood.
3
SPEAKER_00
Our Mt.
3
SPEAKER_00
Hood team consisted of me, my friend Caitlin, my dad, and then some of his climbing buddies.
3
SPEAKER_00
So all people we knew had experience.
3
SPEAKER_00
So we leave the day before to drive up to Mt.
3
SPEAKER_00
Hood.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s about a five-hour drive.
3
SPEAKER_00
And we arrived at Timberline Lodge, which is where you start the climb.
3
SPEAKER_02
And where the exteriors of the Shining were shot.
3
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
3
SPEAKER_00
So super cool, super beautiful lodge on a clear day.
3
SPEAKER_00
You can see like a perfect view of Mount hood.
3
SPEAKER_00
And so we arrived there, we have some dinner and while we re having dinner, we look up on the mountain and we see that a helicopter rescue is happening.
3
SPEAKER_00
And on Mount hood, I don t know the statistics, but they do a lot of helicopter rescues.
3
SPEAKER_00
And kind of the primary reason is because there s a ski resort there as well.
3
SPEAKER_00
And so people will go to the top of the ski lift, they ll see the top of the mountain and they ll say, oh, it s not that far to just keep going to the top of the mountain.
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, they don t have the right gear or experience and bad things will happen.
3
SPEAKER_02
This is something that could very easily happen to myself.
3
SPEAKER_02
I can see myself going, oh yeah, that s just another couple of clicks.
3
SPEAKER_02
And it s a glacier, right?
3
SPEAKER_00
It is a glacier.
3
SPEAKER_00
So with glaciers, you have the risk of crevasses and crevasses are the big cracks in the glacier that pose a risk because you could.
3
SPEAKER_00
fall into that.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_02
And how do we feel about the difference between crevasses and a crevice?
3
SPEAKER_02
It s a crevasse in mountaineering, but isn t it just a crevice?
3
SPEAKER_02
It s a crevice.
3
SPEAKER_03
Is it spelled differently?
3
SPEAKER_03
It s a crevice when it s not dangerous, I guess.
3
SPEAKER_02
Have you thought on this, Morgan?
3
SPEAKER_00
I ve never thought about that, but now I m gonna have to really think about it.
3
SPEAKER_02
There s two different words.
3
SPEAKER_02
Oh, it s two different words.
3
SPEAKER_02
Crevice is small cracks in a surface, and a crevasse is a huge opening in something.
3
SPEAKER_02
Oh, right.
3
SPEAKER_03
Okay, I kind of said it then, and when it s hyper-dangerous, it s a crevasse.
3
SPEAKER_02
Crevasse.
3
SPEAKER_02
Because you could lose your ass in it.
3
SPEAKER_02
That s how you gotta remember.
3
SPEAKER_00
Scary, I m already scared.
3
SPEAKER_02
Crevasse.
3
SPEAKER_00
Thanks, Lobby Lob.
3
SPEAKER_00
So we see the helicopter rescue happening, and we re like, okay.
3
SPEAKER_00
Makes me a little bit nervous, but I m feeling pretty confident in our skills.
3
SPEAKER_00
Mount Hood is a little bit different from Mount Rainier in that you can pretty much do it in one push.
3
SPEAKER_00
You don t need to spend the night on the mountain.
3
SPEAKER_00
So our plan was to sleep in our cars at Timberline Lodge, and then we were going to wake up at midnight and climb to the top all in one push.
3
SPEAKER_00
And kind of the reason that you want to leave in the middle of the night is because that
4
SPEAKER_00
when the snow is really hard and compact and it makes it much easier to climb.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then you also avoid that weather that usually rolls in in the afternoon because you re typically off the mountain by the time the afternoon comes.
4
SPEAKER_00
We get everything packed and ready to go.
4
SPEAKER_00
Typically with mountaineering you want to bring crampons
4
SPEAKER_00
which are spikes that you hook to the bottom of your boots that are gonna give you grip to be able to walk up the snow safely.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then you also need an ice axe.
4
SPEAKER_00
And that ice axe is there in case you fall, then you re able to go into ice axe arrest, dig your ice axe into the snow and stop.
4
SPEAKER_00
Also helpful if you re climbing something really steep, then you can put the ice axe into the snow.
4
SPEAKER_01
Have you ever used, well, I won t say, cause maybe that s part of the story.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay, nevermind.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yes, I ve used an ice axe for ice axe arrest before.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then sometimes when you re mountaineering, it s good to be roped together.
4
SPEAKER_00
In case somebody falls into a crevasse, then the two on the other ends can go into ice axe arrest and basically stop that person from falling in the hole.
4
SPEAKER_00
On Mount Hood, you don t typically use ropes.
4
SPEAKER_00
And the reason being is because the last section to get to the top of Mount Hood is a really narrow chute.
4
SPEAKER_00
If you re roped together and someone falls and you re not able to catch yourself,
4
SPEAKER_00
you re basically gonna take out everybody below you.
4
SPEAKER_00
And like clothesline them.
4
SPEAKER_01
Go one, go all.
4
SPEAKER_01
Together we climb, divided we slide off the side.
4
SPEAKER_00
So that section of the climb also is called the pearly gates.
4
SPEAKER_00
Everyone s like, oh, that s such a beautiful name.
4
SPEAKER_00
And that to me feels like
4
SPEAKER_00
You re going through the pearly gates to go to heaven.
4
SPEAKER_02
You only get to the pearly gates because you ve died.
4
SPEAKER_02
You could call it death s door.
4
SPEAKER_02
That would be the exact same, but for some reason it doesn t sound as optimistic.
4
SPEAKER_02
Pearly sounds like a beautiful pearl necklace.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so we d start climbing.
4
SPEAKER_00
So because it s pitch dark out, we have our headlamps on the first part of the climb.
4
SPEAKER_00
We re walking on rock because it s summertime.
4
SPEAKER_00
So a lot of the bottom part had melted off.
4
SPEAKER_00
As we continue to climb, it turned to snow and ice.
4
SPEAKER_00
It gets quite a bit of traffic in the summertime, because that s when a lot of people will climb.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so we re walking in a boot path that had already kind of been established Mount Hood.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s not a super far distance to get to the top.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s only about three and a half miles.
4
SPEAKER_00
But it s 6,000 feet of elevation gain.
4
SPEAKER_00
So it s like straight uphill as we re going, our group kind of splits apart, which is typical.
4
SPEAKER_00
Everybody kind of goes at their own pace.
4
SPEAKER_00
Me, my friend, Caitlin, and one of my dad s friends are kind of down below.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then the rest of the group has gone up a little bit.
4
SPEAKER_00
We d haven t put on our crampons yet.
4
SPEAKER_00
Those spikes that go on your boots and we re kind of walking and I m like, it seems like it s getting kind of.
4
SPEAKER_00
slick right now we should probably stop and put our crampons on but nobody else is doing it so i m sure it s fine yeah yeah sure oh no we get up a little bit further and decide to stop to have some water so we step off to the side of the trail and i go to open my backpack and i had made a rookie mistake of hooking my helmet strap underneath my backpack strap that closes it
4
SPEAKER_00
So as soon as I open my backpack strap, my helmet strap flips out and my helmet just goes speeding down the hill.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
So before I can even think rationally, I go to step and try to grab the helmet and my feet just slip out from underneath me.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God.
4
SPEAKER_00
Because it s basically a sheet of ice because we re no longer in that boot path.
4
SPEAKER_00
So I start falling.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I don t have my crampons on.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t have my ice axe because it s hooked to my backpack.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t have gloves on.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t have my helmet.
4
SPEAKER_00
Obviously, it s speeding down the hill.
4
SPEAKER_00
So as I start falling, I look up and I just briefly remember somebody trying to slide me their ice axe.
4
SPEAKER_00
And it was someone who wasn t with us.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I can see it in my headlamp.
4
SPEAKER_00
and I reach for it and I miss it.
4
SPEAKER_02
That s a mixed bag.
4
SPEAKER_02
First of all, great impulse on that person.
4
SPEAKER_02
Also, what a generous sacrifice.
4
SPEAKER_02
Lastly, an ice axe coming at you in the dark, you re lower than it.
4
SPEAKER_02
Also potentially like a cranium splitter.
4
SPEAKER_02
But it was the only thing.
4
SPEAKER_02
You re going to need this switchblade catch, you know?
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, sure.
4
SPEAKER_02
You re going to need a butcher s knife catch.
4
SPEAKER_00
I quickly pick up speed and I don t have anything to stop myself.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so my instinct is basically to just start clawing at the snow as I m sliding with my fingers like trying to get some kind of grip.
4
SPEAKER_00
And the other thing I forgot to mention is it was pretty high winds that morning, which is normal with mountaineering.
4
SPEAKER_00
But the thing was, is I was
4
SPEAKER_00
obviously screaming really loudly, but no one could hear me unless you were right next to me.
4
SPEAKER_00
I probably slid, it felt like an entire lifetime, but I probably slid for about 30 seconds.
4
SPEAKER_00
and all of a sudden I feel someone jump on top of me.
4
SPEAKER_01
Ooh, a hero.
4
SPEAKER_00
And that person was doing the right thing and had crampons on.
4
SPEAKER_00
So they were able to bring us both to a stop.
4
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
4
SPEAKER_02
I m so jealous of this person.
4
SPEAKER_02
What a hero.
4
SPEAKER_02
or a shiro and so he this young gentleman oh is this a meet you i knew you were gonna think it was a meet you why haven t we seen that meet you oh my god i would love that yeah you slide to a stop he s laying on top of you he s jumped on you cheek to cheek
4
SPEAKER_02
And then he goes, hold on, I m thinking of the perfect thing he says when you slide to a stop.
4
SPEAKER_02
He goes, oh, that was close.
4
SPEAKER_02
He s from England.
4
SPEAKER_02
Oh, he s English.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, they re always in the meet queue.
4
SPEAKER_03
Oh my god.
4
SPEAKER_02
Well, that was close.
4
SPEAKER_02
And you re like, oh my god, he s got such a funny sense of humor, I almost died.
4
SPEAKER_01
I thought he was gonna make some sort of innuendo about sliding it in.
4
SPEAKER_02
Okay, let me try that.
4
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_02
Oh, that went in easy.
4
SPEAKER_02
And then you realize he was inside you.
4
SPEAKER_01
Right.
4
SPEAKER_02
That was an accident.
4
SPEAKER_02
Rob s got one.
4
SPEAKER_02
You can break the ice.
4
SPEAKER_02
Oh, okay.
4
SPEAKER_02
Break the ice joke.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh, that s a nice break.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh, okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
That could go either way depending on how he looks.
4
SPEAKER_02
His looks are gonna really determine whether that was a high quality.
4
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh, wow.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_02
Sorry, we re ever romantic.
4
SPEAKER_01
No, I love it.
4
SPEAKER_02
Sorry, I got one last one.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh, no.
4
SPEAKER_02
Well, I never thought when I went to sleep in me truck that I d wake up next to such a beautiful girl.
4
SPEAKER_03
No, I don t like that.
4
SPEAKER_02
I just want to bring in the fact that he too had slept in his truck.
4
SPEAKER_03
Oh yeah, I forgot even about that.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_03
No one s thinking about that.
4
SPEAKER_02
But it s an inside climbers joke.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_02
Sorry, sorry.
4
SPEAKER_02
That s the last one, I think.
4
SPEAKER_00
If you have any more, I m all ears.
4
SPEAKER_00
So he brings me over to the side of the trail.
4
SPEAKER_00
Such a nice man.
4
SPEAKER_00
I can tell he s probably has some military background.
4
SPEAKER_00
And he s like, I have my first aid kit.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m a nurse, so I kind of like assess myself for injuries.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m okay, but I definitely like ripped open my hand pretty good from trying to stop myself.
4
SPEAKER_02
Okay, on the palm.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like the tips of my fingers.
4
SPEAKER_02
Oh, the nail bed area.
4
SPEAKER_02
There s some pictures on the table right there.
4
SPEAKER_02
Oh, we have some pictures.
4
SPEAKER_02
Okay, yeah, absolutely.
4
SPEAKER_02
So for the listener, the hand looks like it went through a meat grinder.
4
SPEAKER_02
Oh yeah, looks awful.
4
SPEAKER_02
I mean, sorry.
4
SPEAKER_02
Okay, hold on.
4
SPEAKER_02
Maybe I have a new one.
4
SPEAKER_02
Now that I look at this.
4
SPEAKER_02
So he s on top of you.
4
SPEAKER_02
He looks down and he sees this hand and he says,
4
SPEAKER_02
Well, you ve made a proper mess, haven t you?
4
SPEAKER_00
No, that then, it s like their shame.
4
SPEAKER_02
Okay, all right, all right, we ll keep trying.
4
SPEAKER_02
That s why when you write scripts, you throw a lot of spaghetti at the wall.
4
SPEAKER_01
This is a writer s room.
4
SPEAKER_02
Okay, so yes, your hand is thoroughly scratched to oblivion.
4
SPEAKER_02
Oof.
4
SPEAKER_02
Oh, it s perfect, in fact, for reference.
4
SPEAKER_02
You re missing a chunk of skin the exact same size as each nail directly above the nail.
4
SPEAKER_02
They re almost perfectly the same size as the nails.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
Definitely a flesh wound, but not super comfortable.
4
SPEAKER_00
So he has his first aid kit and like wraps up my hand for me, which was really nice.
4
SPEAKER_00
By that time, Caitlin and my dad s friend had made their way down the hill with my crampons and all of my gear.
4
SPEAKER_00
Because basically they saw me like slip into a blackness.
4
SPEAKER_02
I have to keep reminding myself.
4
SPEAKER_02
It s dark.
4
SPEAKER_02
Exactly.
4
SPEAKER_02
It seems preposterous.
4
SPEAKER_02
Anyone s climbing at night, but I guess that s how it s done.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
So they make their way down.
4
SPEAKER_00
They find me.
4
SPEAKER_00
They helped me put my crampons on.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m 22 years old at this time.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so I don t think I really knew any better.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I m like, yeah, let s just keep climbing.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s fine.
4
SPEAKER_02
Well, here s where I need to check in.
4
SPEAKER_02
The fact that Caitlin had just observed, you make such a bozo move.
4
SPEAKER_02
Were you dealing with a little bit of embarrassment too?
4
SPEAKER_00
Cause I would have been humiliated.
4
SPEAKER_00
You re supposed to be the old pro.
4
SPEAKER_00
The fact that someone had to save me who was wearing the right gear.
5
SPEAKER_01
That s just so embarrassing.
5
SPEAKER_02
Thank God though.
5
SPEAKER_01
So I m like, yeah, let s just keep going.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s all good.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s all fine.
5
SPEAKER_01
And so we keep going up the hill and we meet up with the rest of the group and they re like, where have you guys been?
5
SPEAKER_01
And I m like, I almost died.
5
SPEAKER_04
Don t tell Caitlin, but I am much more scared than I m letting on.
5
SPEAKER_02
How many people die doing this a week?
5
SPEAKER_02
A lot.
5
SPEAKER_04
Well, I think it s more than actual at Mount Hood or anywhere.
5
SPEAKER_02
How many climbers?
5
SPEAKER_04
Oh, geez.
5
SPEAKER_04
Annually.
5
SPEAKER_04
Oh, yeah.
5
SPEAKER_04
He ll figure it out.
5
SPEAKER_04
And maybe we shouldn t do it while Morgan s on the phone.
5
SPEAKER_04
This might still be her passion.
5
28.
5
SPEAKER_04
A week.
5
SPEAKER_04
28 a year.
5
SPEAKER_04
Per year.
5
SPEAKER_02
That s not bad.
5
SPEAKER_02
That s actually not as bad as I thought.
5
SPEAKER_04
We can live with that.
5
SPEAKER_04
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_04
111 injuries.
5
SPEAKER_04
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_04
Well, that s not terrible either.
5
SPEAKER_04
It s really not as bad as I would have expected.
5
SPEAKER_04
No, more people die probably roller skating.
5
SPEAKER_04
True.
5
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_01
Anywho.
5
SPEAKER_04
All right.
5
SPEAKER_04
All right.
5
SPEAKER_01
So we meet up with them.
5
SPEAKER_01
We keep climbing and we get to the section that s kind of right below the pearly gates.
5
SPEAKER_01
So right before it starts to get pretty technical.
5
SPEAKER_01
And we re just kind of like regrouping and we run into the guy who saved me.
5
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
5
SPEAKER_02
He lapped you guys.
5
SPEAKER_04
He s on his way down.
5
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, I know.
5
SPEAKER_01
I recognized him and I m like, thank you so much.
5
SPEAKER_01
Like you saved me.
5
SPEAKER_01
And the second photo that I sent in is actually a selfie that we took with the guy who saved me and his group.
5
SPEAKER_04
Hold on, I m going to try to guess which one s the hero because we have three dudes in this photo and one has got his jacket all the way buttoned up and he s got an orange helmet on.
5
SPEAKER_04
I want it to be this raw dog on the far right that looks like he s going to a Billy Idol concert in the 80s.
5
SPEAKER_04
But I have a hunch it s the guy with the orange helmet on.
5
SPEAKER_04
Okay, and then Monica s gonna pick.
5
SPEAKER_04
Let me look, let me look.
5
SPEAKER_02
I mean, I agree the one on the right is hot, but he doesn t look prepared.
5
SPEAKER_02
But maybe he took his helmet off for the picture.
5
SPEAKER_04
I think it s the guy with the orange helmet.
5
SPEAKER_04
I think he s the boy scout.
5
SPEAKER_04
Me too, me too, me too.
5
SPEAKER_01
Which one was it?
5
SPEAKER_01
Middle guy.
5
SPEAKER_01
It was the middle one.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
The one with the orange helmet.
5
SPEAKER_04
I m the other guy.
5
SPEAKER_04
I would ve been too busy making sure my hair looked sweet to rescue the girl.
5
SPEAKER_01
And his jacket isn t even zipped up.
5
SPEAKER_04
No, it s too hot for a jacket.
5
SPEAKER_04
Oh my God.
5
SPEAKER_01
It was really funny because they were like not stoked to be taking a selfie with us.
5
SPEAKER_01
They weren t.
5
SPEAKER_01
I think they were maybe a little bit annoyed.
5
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_02
They re like, this isn t funny guys.
5
SPEAKER_04
Well, cause they were like, do you think they were like, these amateurs shouldn t be doing this.
5
SPEAKER_04
She almost died and now they re up here laughing, taking selfies.
5
SPEAKER_01
That s how I would feel.
5
SPEAKER_01
I think that might ve been the vibe.
5
SPEAKER_04
Rawdog on the right.
5
SPEAKER_04
I don t think he slept in his car.
5
SPEAKER_04
I think he was at a bar at about 10 p.m.
5
SPEAKER_04
and was like, fuck it.
5
SPEAKER_04
Should we make a run up to the pearly gates?
5
SPEAKER_02
I think he s still up.
5
SPEAKER_02
Maybe he was that skier.
5
SPEAKER_02
He was like one of those like ski guys.
5
SPEAKER_02
Okay, so you re at the pearly gates.
5
SPEAKER_01
So we start going up towards the pearly gates.
5
SPEAKER_01
We kind of get up on the glacier.
5
SPEAKER_01
And it starts to get really steep.
5
SPEAKER_01
And of course it s still icy.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s starting to get a little bit light outside though, as you can see in the picture, but my adrenaline started to come down a little bit and I started to get really uneasy.
5
SPEAKER_01
Just like everything was starting to settle in.
5
SPEAKER_01
And so I told the group, I was like, I don t feel comfortable going on.
5
SPEAKER_01
I really feel like I need to turn around, which is very rare.
5
SPEAKER_01
I normally would just push through and keep going.
5
SPEAKER_04
This seems way harder to bail out than it does to finish.
5
SPEAKER_01
Especially because you re so close to the end, but that was a smart instinct.
5
SPEAKER_01
Well, the peer pressure, yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
Me, my dad, and my friend Caitlin, which we told her, you can keep climbing if you want to, but the three of us turned around and went back.
5
SPEAKER_01
And then the rest of the group was able to go on and get to the top.
5
SPEAKER_04
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_04
And how did you feel after the decision?
5
SPEAKER_01
Naturally, I think I wished I would have continued, but deep down, I know that it was the right decision.
5
SPEAKER_01
Good.
5
SPEAKER_02
You got to listen to these instincts.
5
SPEAKER_02
There s no way to know if you were right, but you were.
5
SPEAKER_04
Well, you re here.
5
SPEAKER_02
Cause now we are talking and you would have been dead.
5
SPEAKER_04
Was there any thought about asking the guy for his phone number or you were already betrothed?
5
SPEAKER_01
I was already betrothed.
5
SPEAKER_01
I was already dating my now husband.
5
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_01
Bummer.
5
SPEAKER_02
I mean, this really would have been a great meet and greet.
5
SPEAKER_02
Maybe he jumped on someone else later that day and had a meet and greet.
5
SPEAKER_02
Got it in?
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_03
Let s see.
5
SPEAKER_01
I hope so, for his sake.
5
SPEAKER_01
Have you done climbs since?
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah so we still stuck to our plan and we went back and climbed Mount Rainier in July and had no issues.
5
SPEAKER_01
I think I was just so young that I was able to like move on but I did try to go back to Mount Hood two years after this event and I just couldn t.
5
SPEAKER_03
Interesting.
5
SPEAKER_01
I got up to around the same section and I was like, no, it doesn t feel right.
5
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_04
We re so used to the story where it s like, you re supposed to push through and you re supposed to push through and blah, blah, blah.
5
SPEAKER_02
But for why?
5
SPEAKER_02
Exactly.
5
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_04
It s interesting.
5
SPEAKER_04
It s all in your head.
5
SPEAKER_04
It s just ego.
5
SPEAKER_04
But boy, I can relate.
5
SPEAKER_02
I know, but maybe you should try to take a, what s it called?
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_02
Take a page out of her book and not do that.
5
SPEAKER_02
And listen, listen to your instincts.
5
SPEAKER_04
I do do that on the track.
5
SPEAKER_04
I never ride the last session and generally not the last two sessions.
5
SPEAKER_02
That s good.
5
SPEAKER_04
Cause I go, you know what?
5
SPEAKER_04
I m tired.
5
SPEAKER_04
I ve been riding for two hours on the track and most of the crashes seem to happen in the last session.
5
SPEAKER_04
So let s count this a big, lucky victory.
5
SPEAKER_01
Well, that s what they say in skiing is two more runs.
5
SPEAKER_01
Skip the last.
5
SPEAKER_04
Yes.
5
SPEAKER_04
That same thing was in skateboarding growing up.
5
SPEAKER_04
Last run was always you re going to the hospital.
5
SPEAKER_04
So you were, no one s allowed to say last run skiing, same thing, no last run, but then you re out smarting the system.
5
SPEAKER_04
Then it s like the 14th floor on a hotel.
5
SPEAKER_04
We know it s the 13th floor.
5
SPEAKER_04
You do take a last run.
5
SPEAKER_04
It s the last one of the day.
5
SPEAKER_04
Sure.
5
SPEAKER_02
Mind games.
5
SPEAKER_04
Well, Morgan, thank you for this.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, this was fun.
5
SPEAKER_02
This was harrowing, scary and romantic and romantic.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yes, you re right.
5
SPEAKER_02
And yet another thing I find horrifying.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_02
That I m not doing.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
I definitely slowed down a lot on it over the years.
5
SPEAKER_01
Once I kind of realized the risk associated with it, I might get into it.
5
SPEAKER_04
We ll be sleeping in the bus, so that ll be fine.
5
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_04
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_04
Morgan, this was a blast.
5
SPEAKER_04
It s so nice meeting you.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yes, so nice to meet you.
5
SPEAKER_01
I did want to give a quick shout out to my sister Justine.
5
SPEAKER_01
She got me into Armchair Expert many years ago.
5
SPEAKER_01
And she was actually on the first wild card prompt.
5
SPEAKER_01
No way.
5
SPEAKER_01
She was the zipline.
5
SPEAKER_04
Oh wait, so you had the same crazy dad.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
5
SPEAKER_01
So zipline dad is in my story as well.
5
SPEAKER_04
This is also mountaineering dad.
5
SPEAKER_04
I think you guys might have the best dad in America.
5
SPEAKER_02
This is incredible.
5
SPEAKER_02
Siblings?
5
SPEAKER_04
Yes, with dad both times.
5
SPEAKER_02
And dad is really showing up on both of these.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, so we were talking that we need to find a prompt for Zipline Dad so that you can officially meet him.
5
SPEAKER_04
He s gotta have a million stories.
5
SPEAKER_01
He probably has a shit your pants story.
5
SPEAKER_04
Oh, for sure.
5
SPEAKER_01
We haven t done that in a minute.
5
SPEAKER_01
He has endless stories and he s very funny.
5
SPEAKER_04
Okay, we gotta get him on.
5
SPEAKER_02
This wasn t a meet cute, but this in a way- Is a meet cute.
5
SPEAKER_02
Something about it is meet cute adjacent.
5
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, hold on, do I have any others that much time?
5
SPEAKER_04
Huh?
5
SPEAKER_04
Thinking of what the guy could have whispered to her again.
5
SPEAKER_02
Oh, God.
5
SPEAKER_02
Okay, well, I think it s time to go.
5
SPEAKER_02
This was great, though.
5
SPEAKER_02
Thank you very much.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yes, it was so nice to meet both of you.
5
SPEAKER_04
Oh, right back at you.
5
SPEAKER_02
So nice to meet you.
5
SPEAKER_04
Thanks, Morgan.
5
SPEAKER_02
Bye.
5
SPEAKER_02
Take care.
5
SPEAKER_04
Oh my God, what a sweet family.
5
SPEAKER_02
Siblings, I just love this.
5
SPEAKER_04
I love this dad.
5
SPEAKER_02
This family s a good story family.
5
SPEAKER_04
If they wanted us to come, what was the party we were going to attend in the South?
5
SPEAKER_04
Well, we got paid, but we had to go to the bathroom in front of everyone.
5
SPEAKER_04
Oh yeah, Valentine s Day.
5
SPEAKER_04
A Valentine s Day paid appearance.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_04
I hope it s their family.
5
SPEAKER_02
Oh yeah, that d be great.
5
SPEAKER_04
I won t take any money from them, but I hope it s their family.
5
SPEAKER_02
I still would like to get paid for that.
5
SPEAKER_04
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_04
Here s Mary.
5
SPEAKER_02
Hello.
5
SPEAKER_02
How s it going?
5
SPEAKER_04
Good.
5
SPEAKER_04
How are you?
5
SPEAKER_02
I m doing great.
5
SPEAKER_04
Right now I m getting major educational vibes and or penitentiary.
5
SPEAKER_02
Oh, I m getting education.
5
SPEAKER_00
Not either.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m actually in insurance.
5
SPEAKER_00
So like maybe a little bit of a mixture of both.
5
SPEAKER_04
Sure.
5
SPEAKER_04
What is in this closet normally?
5
SPEAKER_04
Cause it s very tight.
5
SPEAKER_04
It couldn t be someone s office.
5
SPEAKER_00
It is called a focus room and it is just here to give you peace and focus.
5
SPEAKER_04
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_04
They should have decorated a little better cause there s a huge fuse panel on the wall.
5
SPEAKER_02
If I can give you a tour.
5
SPEAKER_02
Oh, okay.
5
SPEAKER_04
They tried.
5
SPEAKER_02
This isn t very meditative.
5
SPEAKER_04
I feel like I could place the city base.
5
SPEAKER_04
Will you pan one more time to that picture?
5
SPEAKER_04
I want to take a stab at where you re at.
5
SPEAKER_04
I feel like there s good enough clues here.
5
SPEAKER_04
Are you in Tampa, Florida?
5
SPEAKER_00
I m not, but not a horrible guess.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m in Columbia, South Carolina, which I actually arrived at a few hours ago.
5
SPEAKER_00
So I just got in for work.
5
SPEAKER_04
Oh, you don t live there.
5
SPEAKER_00
No, I live in Maine and Dax, I don t know if you remember me.
5
SPEAKER_00
We met on your Samsung pop-up.
5
SPEAKER_00
You interviewed my mom and I. Oh my God.
5
SPEAKER_04
Yes.
5
SPEAKER_04
In Vegas at the whatever that place is world of leisure.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s what I m going to call it.
5
SPEAKER_04
It was a mall.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yes, 100%.
5
SPEAKER_00
How fun.
5
SPEAKER_04
Yes, crazy.
5
SPEAKER_00
I haven t had the honor yet.
5
SPEAKER_00
Not yet.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s nice to meet you.
6
SPEAKER_00
Nice to meet you.
6
SPEAKER_01
So you have a wild card story.
6
SPEAKER_00
I do.
6
SPEAKER_00
And how do you want to approach?
6
SPEAKER_00
Do you want a prompt?
6
SPEAKER_01
You jump right in.
6
SPEAKER_00
Oh, unless you want to give us a prompt.
6
SPEAKER_01
However you want to do it, we re very loosey goosey.
6
SPEAKER_00
OK, I m going to give a little bit of a prompt because this is my second time submitting and being selected for the story, but I missed Emma s email the first time.
6
SPEAKER_00
Oh, no.
6
SPEAKER_02
OK.
6
SPEAKER_00
So real warning to the armchairies out there.
6
SPEAKER_00
So it s a 911 story, and the person does survive.
6
SPEAKER_00
OK.
6
SPEAKER_00
Oh, OK, great.
6
SPEAKER_00
Thank you.
6
SPEAKER_02
That is helpful.
6
SPEAKER_00
So this takes place in Rhode Island when I was about 11 or 12 years old.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s about 2004 or 5.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s like a Saturday afternoon.
6
SPEAKER_00
My mom and my brother are out and they re doing errands together.
6
SPEAKER_00
So they go to the grocery store and the pharmacy and it leaves just my dad and I at home.
6
SPEAKER_00
And earlier that week, my mom and I had gone shopping for my father-daughter dance dress, which I was very excited about.
6
SPEAKER_00
But it s also the age in which I hate being observed by my family.
6
SPEAKER_00
I m a little tomboyish.
6
SPEAKER_00
I don t want to be witnessed in a dress.
6
SPEAKER_00
I am nervous about the whole thing.
6
SPEAKER_00
So when my family gets out of the house, I m like, this is the perfect time for me to try on this dress and like twirl about the room and feel like a pretty princess.
6
SPEAKER_01
Try to like work your way into the character you ll be playing.
6
SPEAKER_00
Absolutely.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
And on the same, my dad decides he s going to do some yard work.
6
SPEAKER_00
He wants to clear a bunch of brush by the well cover.
6
SPEAKER_00
That s kind of at the edge of our property.
6
SPEAKER_00
It has a bunch of overgrowth on it and they re thick vines and some tree branches that he wants to get cleared off.
6
SPEAKER_00
off.
6
SPEAKER_01
He can t wait to sink his teeth into that.
6
SPEAKER_01
That s a dad task if I ve ever heard of one.
6
SPEAKER_00
And he goes out there with a weed whacker.
6
SPEAKER_00
And after two broken pieces of plastic on the weed whacker, the actual oscillating piece, he decides he s going to augment the weed whacker and make it a little bit more powerful.
6
SPEAKER_01
Oh,
6
SPEAKER_01
great.
6
SPEAKER_01
I like him already.
6
SPEAKER_00
He would claim to be handy and not necessarily the smartest, but he comes back inside.
6
SPEAKER_00
He takes a little piece of the soldering wire that s pretty bendable, flexible, and a bandsaw blade.
6
SPEAKER_00
And he affixes it to where the weed whacker would have the heavy-gaze plastic wire.
6
SPEAKER_00
Because now it s going to cut through very thick brush because it s functionally
6
SPEAKER_00
a saw blade that he s put on a weed whacker.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
6
SPEAKER_01
So Monica, do you have a, you have a mental image of all this?
6
SPEAKER_00
I think so.
6
SPEAKER_00
I m trying to do my best with the imagery here.
6
SPEAKER_00
So my dad heads outside and I decide on the moment that he heads out with the band saw blade attached, it s my time to deadbolt the front door to stop him from coming in to witness me.
6
SPEAKER_00
He goes outside, I go get changed.
6
SPEAKER_01
Mary, can I just for one second, what goes on with us as humans?
6
SPEAKER_01
I know what you re saying.
6
SPEAKER_01
You don t want to be observed, but I have an 11 year old and I m just trying to anticipate this and be the perfect humans are weird.
6
SPEAKER_01
And so we don t want people to see us being weird.
6
SPEAKER_01
I know.
6
SPEAKER_01
I just, I m trying to drill down into that a little bit.
6
SPEAKER_01
I think it s kind of some weird, sweet part of us.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s just so peculiar, isn t it?
6
SPEAKER_01
How you can feel so awkward for no reason.
6
SPEAKER_01
You re just existing, but you re like, I m a hunchback.
6
SPEAKER_00
I was playing a heavy character in the other direction.
6
SPEAKER_00
So this was the antithesis of me.
6
SPEAKER_00
to be in a dress and be frilly.
6
SPEAKER_00
The one time I put on makeup, I got roasted at dinner because everybody was excited and they were talking about it.
6
SPEAKER_00
But to me, it was the worst thing that had ever happened to me in my life.
6
SPEAKER_01
I don t know what you do.
6
SPEAKER_01
You just pretend you re ignoring them, maybe?
6
SPEAKER_00
Just let them do whatever.
6
SPEAKER_00
You don t need to ask what they re doing.
6
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
6
SPEAKER_00
I think they just grow up and like go to therapy.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, exactly.
6
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
6
SPEAKER_00
So I m blasting probably like Avril Lavigne or something on my little boombox in this dress.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I start to hear this frantic banging on the front door.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I know it s gotta be my dad, but I don t want him to see.
6
SPEAKER_00
I take the time to change my clothes and the banging is getting louder and I can hear it s like kind of him throwing his body against the door.
6
SPEAKER_00
We have one of those half circles at the top of the door.
6
SPEAKER_00
As I m walking towards the door, I see my dad s wrist and he s clutching it with the other hand and I can just see blood pouring down his arm.
6
SPEAKER_02
Oh boy.
6
SPEAKER_00
I open the door.
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SPEAKER_00
There s so much blood.
6
SPEAKER_00
There was some splatters.
6
SPEAKER_00
And then there was also like the drips from down his arm.
6
SPEAKER_00
And then there was like a puddle on the ground.
6
SPEAKER_00
And not like a big puddle, but just, you know, the image sticks with you.
6
SPEAKER_00
and he looks at me and he goes call your mother oh it s not 9-1-1 he says call your mother which i do and i run back inside he s like made it into the house and he s dragging blood into the house which my mother would remind him of for like quite some time afterwards
6
SPEAKER_00
I m on the phone with her cell phone.
6
SPEAKER_00
My mom and brother at the same time had forgotten to go to the grocery store and we re the next street and she guns it down the road and enters the house and she looks at me and she goes, call fucking nine one one.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
Your father s bleeding to death.
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SPEAKER_01
If ever there was a time for nine one one, it is now.
6
SPEAKER_00
So I called 911.
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SPEAKER_00
And the other thing to note is that my dad was a former commander of police and his dad was a firefighter in the area.
6
SPEAKER_00
And so he was well known in the town.
6
SPEAKER_00
So when I called 911 and dispatch said the name and address over the radio,
6
SPEAKER_00
It must have been every single ambulance EMT, like the fire marshal came out, every on duty, off duty police officer, everybody showed up.
6
SPEAKER_01
I m sure he hated it.
6
SPEAKER_00
It was the roast of Frankie.
6
SPEAKER_01
Oh, no.
6
SPEAKER_00
They were just dragging him, talking about what had happened.
6
SPEAKER_00
And so he starts to explain the stories.
6
SPEAKER_00
The EMTs are there and packing his wrist, which is mangled.
6
SPEAKER_00
It gets a little worse.
6
SPEAKER_00
Monica gets better.
6
SPEAKER_00
He explains that as he is clearing the brush, which he swears that his invention is perfectly usable and is very effective at cutting through the vines.
6
SPEAKER_01
He stands by it.
6
SPEAKER_00
Absolutely.
6
SPEAKER_00
His foot got caught on a vine and it s on a slight decline on this hill.
6
SPEAKER_00
He couldn t stabilize himself and he fell on his back.
6
SPEAKER_00
And even though there is like an automatic shutoff for a plastic gauge wire, the momentum of the bandsaw blade like kept it going pretty ravenously.
6
SPEAKER_00
So he falls backwards and he sees the blade coming at him towards his head and he puts up his hands in a defensive right.
6
SPEAKER_00
It cuts through bone and muscle and tendon.
6
SPEAKER_00
all the way to a 16th of an inch from his artery.
6
SPEAKER_00
If it was a 16th of an inch difference, my dad would have bled out and died out in the backyard, which we found out later, but insane luck.
6
SPEAKER_00
And the guys went to the backyard to collect this invention so they could do a little show and tell while the EMTs are still packing the wound.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
They re going to like, take this to local elementary schools and go, this is why you do not tamper with the design of a weed whipper.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yes, and it has like viscera on it when they came back to like show it off to the group.
6
SPEAKER_02
I hate this story.
6
SPEAKER_01
Like they had ground meat with it or something?
6
SPEAKER_00
Stop it.
6
Okay.
6
SPEAKER_00
Stop, stop, stop, stop.
6
SPEAKER_00
But he survived and I remember I felt so guilty about the whole thing.
6
SPEAKER_00
I didn t tell my parents about the dress until I wrote in the story.
6
SPEAKER_00
Oh.
6
SPEAKER_00
I m 30 years old.
6
SPEAKER_00
I waited a long time.
6
SPEAKER_00
They couldn t care less.
6
SPEAKER_00
They were like, that s dumb.
6
SPEAKER_00
It was also going to be fine anyway, but I carried such guilt.
6
SPEAKER_00
I insisted on doing his wound care for like the rest of time.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I do remember the night I was in my father daughter dance dress and he was in his suit and I was changing the wound and I was just like, so glad that I still had a date.
6
SPEAKER_01
Oh, my God.
6
SPEAKER_01
I m a little hung up on the daddy daughter dance, of course, because it was very egocentric of me.
6
SPEAKER_01
What s interesting is you did want to go though, right?
6
SPEAKER_00
Oh yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
I was so excited.
6
SPEAKER_00
I can t explain it.
6
SPEAKER_00
I know what you mean.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s so complicated.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s still complicated.
6
SPEAKER_01
Tell us dads and us men what you mean.
6
SPEAKER_01
Cause am I supposed to just say like,
6
SPEAKER_01
Hey, on there s this daddy daughter dance.
6
SPEAKER_01
I would love to go, but also if you don t want to go, if it s too stressful, we don t have to.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
You can say that the other context is I fought tooth and nail with my mom growing up because she wanted to put me in pretty dresses and she wanted my like hair to be like cute and braided.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I was like.
6
SPEAKER_00
can t do that, won t do that, not your girl.
6
SPEAKER_00
I am going to be in like overalls and that s all I want to do.
6
SPEAKER_00
And so I fought it so hard that there was like a layer of embarrassment to be like, oh, I do really like this.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I think I look pretty and cute.
6
SPEAKER_01
And like ego a little bit like, uh oh.
7
SPEAKER_04
They re going to have an I told you so.
7
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
7
SPEAKER_03
That was a big motive for me to never give anyone the opportunity to say, I told you so.
7
SPEAKER_03
What a waste of everyone s time.
7
SPEAKER_04
I know, but you have to learn it.
7
SPEAKER_03
Did he have to have surgeries to repair like the tendon and all that?
7
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
7
SPEAKER_00
And he got 90% of the function back.
7
SPEAKER_00
Like you can t hard grip sometimes, but he served in the Navy before being police commander.
7
SPEAKER_00
So he had had some damage to it.
7
SPEAKER_00
So he was just.
7
SPEAKER_00
stoked that he still had in hand generally, and they put it back together pretty well.
7
SPEAKER_03
And did he ever use his invention again?
7
SPEAKER_00
The invention was banned from the house.
7
SPEAKER_00
And then there was an insistence on better automatic shutoffs of his other inventions.
7
SPEAKER_00
OK, I like that.
7
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, but he was so pissed that my mom
7
SPEAKER_00
threw away the weed whacker and she hadn t taken the soldering wire, which was expensive off of that thing that he used to attach the bandsaw blade.
7
SPEAKER_00
She s like, I can t see that.
7
SPEAKER_03
Well, I will say this did go in a different direction than I was anticipating.
7
SPEAKER_03
I thought he was going to get that thing whirling at about 15,000 RPM and then it was just going to come loose off of however he attached it and it was going to go right through his ankle.
7
SPEAKER_03
That s what I was guessing.
7
SPEAKER_03
So I had that wrong.
7
SPEAKER_03
So it s kind of a feather in his cap.
7
SPEAKER_03
It didn t really fail.
7
SPEAKER_00
The invention still worked.
7
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, it held up.
7
SPEAKER_00
The well cover was really neat and clean after that.
7
SPEAKER_04
Well, I m so glad everyone is okay.
7
SPEAKER_04
I m glad you started with that.
7
SPEAKER_04
Such a dad story.
7
SPEAKER_03
God, can I see myself in this exact same situation?
7
SPEAKER_03
Well, thank you for sharing that.
7
SPEAKER_03
Mary, it s nice to see you again.
7
SPEAKER_03
Did you have the Botas calendar?
7
SPEAKER_00
I didn t have the Botox calendar.
7
SPEAKER_00
I had the Taylor Swift bracelet, which are on my nightstand.
7
SPEAKER_03
Currently.
7
SPEAKER_00
I also need to tell you, I made those bracelets so big and I heard you guys talk about on the podcast, them feeling tight.
7
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, these boys have thick wrists.
7
SPEAKER_03
Tell everyone, tell everyone you meet.
7
SPEAKER_03
Well, Mary, it s lovely to see you again.
7
SPEAKER_03
I m glad dad didn t lose the entire hand.
7
SPEAKER_00
Me too.
7
SPEAKER_00
It was so nice chatting with you guys.
7
SPEAKER_03
Tell your mom I said, hi.
7
SPEAKER_00
I will.
7
SPEAKER_03
Okay.
7
SPEAKER_00
Take care.
7
SPEAKER_00
Bye guys.
7
SPEAKER_03
She made Swifty bracelets.
7
SPEAKER_03
It said F1 on them.
7
SPEAKER_03
So, so cute.
7
SPEAKER_04
Oof, that was rough.
7
SPEAKER_03
That was two dad stories.
7
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, it was.
7
SPEAKER_04
And that s because Father s Day is this year.
7
SPEAKER_03
It is this year.
7
SPEAKER_03
When is Father s Day?
7
SPEAKER_03
June.
7
SPEAKER_03
June.
7
SPEAKER_03
When s Mother s Day?
7
SPEAKER_03
In a couple weeks.
7
SPEAKER_03
Oh, fuck.
7
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
7
SPEAKER_03
Oh, good heads up.
7
SPEAKER_03
Better get on it.
7
SPEAKER_03
Better start planning.
7
SPEAKER_04
Well, this was fun.
7
SPEAKER_04
Wild cards are so fun.
7
SPEAKER_03
I love wild cards.
7
SPEAKER_04
I enjoy it so much.
7
SPEAKER_03
Should do more wild cards.
7
SPEAKER_04
Probably will.
7
SPEAKER_03
All right.
7
SPEAKER_04
Okay, bye.
7
SPEAKER_03
Love you.
7
SPEAKER_00
Do you wanna sing a tune or something?
7
SPEAKER_02
We don t have a theme song for this new show, so here I go, go, go.
7
SPEAKER_02
We re gonna ask some random questions, and with the help of armchairies, we ll get some suggestions on the fly, right?