0
SPEAKER_01
Hello, Lyle.
0
SPEAKER_00
Hi, what is your name?
0
SPEAKER_01
Hey, my name s Rae.
0
SPEAKER_01
How s your Saturday so far?
0
SPEAKER_00
My Saturday s going fine.
0
SPEAKER_00
I m always having an existential crisis.
0
SPEAKER_00
You know, do you ever have those?
0
SPEAKER_01
All the time.
0
SPEAKER_01
What s your existential crisis about?
0
SPEAKER_00
Well, it s just like, I don t know what the point is of like doing anything.
0
SPEAKER_00
I know this sounds really, uh, depressing, but it s like, um, I don t know.
0
SPEAKER_00
I m going to tell a story real quick.
0
SPEAKER_00
I ve started, I m going to start, um, uh, I m, I m, I m having more fun actually now talking over callers and giving my thoughts.
0
SPEAKER_00
So I m going to do that to you right now.
0
SPEAKER_00
There s this, um,
0
SPEAKER_00
Guy, so I used to be, I still am, I m really into competitive Super Smash Brothers melee.
0
SPEAKER_00
You familiar with Super Smash Brothers?
0
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
And, um, there s this guy I think about all the time.
0
SPEAKER_00
He s a player.
0
SPEAKER_00
He s a professional Super Smash Bros.
0
SPEAKER_00
player.
0
SPEAKER_00
His name is Hungrybox.
0
SPEAKER_00
And, um, he s been playing professional Super Smash Bros.
0
SPEAKER_00
Melee for, like, 15 years.
0
SPEAKER_00
Something crazy like that.
0
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if it s exactly 15 years, but whatever.
0
SPEAKER_00
And, um...
0
SPEAKER_00
He s been like he hasn t been like number one the whole time but for at least like Seven six five years.
0
SPEAKER_00
He was he was number one.
0
SPEAKER_00
He was the best player of all time Okay, and and and he s like his whole he s a very competitive guy and he just he always wants to win the game and I saw I was watching a video of him winning a tournament from like 11 years ago or something like that and when he wins the tournament
0
SPEAKER_00
He pops off, he jumps out of his chair in excitement because he won the tournament.
0
SPEAKER_00
He s like so amped, he wants it so bad to win this tournament.
0
SPEAKER_00
He wants it so badly.
0
SPEAKER_00
And then I watched a video from like six months ago of him winning a tournament.
0
SPEAKER_00
And when he wins the tournament, just as he did 11 years ago, he pops off.
0
SPEAKER_00
He is filled with emotion.
0
SPEAKER_00
He s so happy that he won the tournament.
0
SPEAKER_00
He wanted it so bad.
0
SPEAKER_00
And I think about this guy often just because, like, I guess I don t understand this thing of, like, after being number one for 11 years,
0
SPEAKER_00
how do you still give a shit you know how do you still care so much about winning after you ve won i mean this guy s won you know a hundred of these tournaments and he still wants to win so badly every time i guess i i don t i don t understand you know how does that that deep um how does that desire stay so palpable
0
SPEAKER_00
for years and I m thinking about this because I m trying to figure out in my own life like what I give a shit about like what I care about and I have certain things that I ve cared about for many years and I m just like I don t I don t know how I can see myself caring about this you know into my 30s 40s 50s 60s you know and I m like is that is that how life is supposed to be are you supposed to kind of pick your things that you give a shit about do you understand what I m saying right now
0
SPEAKER_01
Definitely.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like, how do you keep the fire burning?
0
SPEAKER_01
I had this conversation with someone the other day, actually, and the way that he described it is like growth can kind of come through in different ways.
0
SPEAKER_01
As long as you keep growing, it doesn t really matter how.
0
SPEAKER_01
So sometimes it s good to take a break in the thing that s no longer, you know, on fire for you and just kind of grow in a different direction.
0
SPEAKER_00
I ve been experiencing it in my life as well.
0
SPEAKER_00
Sorry, I just hopped up to turn off a space heater.
0
SPEAKER_00
You re fine.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
Well, you ve been experiencing this in your life.
0
SPEAKER_00
How have you reinvented yourself?
0
SPEAKER_00
How have you done this?
0
SPEAKER_01
Well, I guess in terms of my career, I have been really questioning if I still care about it.
0
SPEAKER_01
But I ve been forced to kind of pick a different direction in my career because of my personal life.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I think with a lot of things that have been going on in my personal life, it s become impossible to care about my professional life in the same way.
0
SPEAKER_01
I think different areas of our life can kind of drain a lot of energy out of us, make it harder to perform in other areas.
0
SPEAKER_00
So tell me what is going on in your personal life that has made you care less about the professional life.
0
SPEAKER_01
Well, two years ago, I got married to a stranger on a girls trip.
0
SPEAKER_01
I went to a small country in Central America with some of my girls and had a love at first sight experience.
0
SPEAKER_01
I ve never experienced it before in my life.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I think in some way, I thought it was kind of like, it didn t really matter if I got married to this person.
0
SPEAKER_01
But I never felt those feelings before, so I just went for it.
0
SPEAKER_01
And there were a lot of people in my life, you know, telling me, probably shouldn t do this.
0
SPEAKER_01
What if he s like a serial killer or something?
0
SPEAKER_01
And I didn t listen to them because I was thinking the chances of him being a serial killer or some crazy person are there, but not that high.
0
SPEAKER_01
I guess I meet a lot of strangers all the time, and I was less afraid of it than I should have been.
0
SPEAKER_01
But he turned out to be a total psychopath.
0
SPEAKER_01
Actually, at a certain point, I went to live with him in that country.
0
SPEAKER_01
And it was okay, but I got really bad feeling about it.
0
SPEAKER_01
So I came back to the US, where I live, and he snuck into the country illegally, came here, and the situation just got really abusive, really bad.
0
SPEAKER_01
In September of last year, he was arrested for strangling me.
0
SPEAKER_01
I led to a bunch of court cases or police investigations.
0
SPEAKER_01
The feds got involved.
0
SPEAKER_01
The feds reached out to me.
0
SPEAKER_01
all consuming of my life and trying to figure out how to keep myself safe.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, so I ve reached this point.
0
SPEAKER_01
He was finally caught because he was released on bail for the strangulation and just went on the run.
0
SPEAKER_01
So he was finally caught.
0
SPEAKER_01
And he s in a detention facility very far away from me now pending deportation.
0
SPEAKER_01
Um, but yeah, I m definitely in this place.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like, I don t even know what I want to do with my life.
0
SPEAKER_01
You know, I came in so crazy and hot and now, uh, it s kind of left to pick up the pieces and try to figure out what I actually want.
0
SPEAKER_00
So where did, where did you go in central America where you met this guy?
0
SPEAKER_01
Uh, Belize.
0
SPEAKER_00
Belize.
0
SPEAKER_00
And how long were you there for?
0
SPEAKER_01
Uh, for the girls trip, or I guess like maybe two weeks, but then I came, I went back.
0
SPEAKER_00
How did you meet this guy?
0
SPEAKER_01
He was our tour guide for, um, like a boat tour.
0
SPEAKER_01
They have a great barrier reef out there.
0
SPEAKER_01
Um, I actually met him before the tour.
0
SPEAKER_01
Um, and so weird, we didn t really say that much to each other.
0
SPEAKER_01
It was just.
0
SPEAKER_01
I had an overwhelming, it felt like everything exploded in my body when I saw him.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s so weird to talk about.
0
SPEAKER_01
I ve never had an experience like that before or since.
0
SPEAKER_01
And he described the same thing.
0
SPEAKER_01
But yeah, we just kind of, once we did start talking, we became inseparable.
0
SPEAKER_00
And so
0
SPEAKER_00
You went back to Belize.
0
SPEAKER_00
How soon after the trip?
0
SPEAKER_01
Just a couple of weeks after.
0
SPEAKER_00
And by myself.
1
SPEAKER_00
Do you not have a job or anything?
1
SPEAKER_00
Did you quit your job?
1
SPEAKER_00
Did you not have any place that needed your attention to be there?
1
SPEAKER_01
I did have a job.
1
SPEAKER_01
Eventually, I quit that job, which I also very much regret doing.
1
SPEAKER_01
It was a very crazy, impulsive decision.
1
SPEAKER_01
I think I was also kind of growing tired of the life that I had in the US.
1
SPEAKER_01
So it was appealing to escape to another place, you know.
1
SPEAKER_00
So you got married to this guy.
1
SPEAKER_00
How soon after you met him?
1
SPEAKER_01
A couple of weeks after I met him.
1
SPEAKER_00
And why did you decide to get married?
1
SPEAKER_00
Why not just hang out?
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, I,
1
SPEAKER_01
I actually thought about it.
1
SPEAKER_01
I was like, I m either going to have to go home and just never talk to this guy again, just let it stay there, or I have to really commit to this happening.
1
SPEAKER_01
I think he also really drove that idea into my head.
1
SPEAKER_01
If I wanted to make something happen with him, I had to commit 100%, or I had to just
1
SPEAKER_01
leave it behind me.
1
SPEAKER_01
He was heavily pushing for marriage, which should have been a huge red flag.
1
SPEAKER_00
How old are you and how old is he?
1
SPEAKER_01
I am 27.
1
SPEAKER_01
He s 26.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_01
At the time I was 25.
1
SPEAKER_00
Mm-hmm.
1
SPEAKER_00
Um, what d your girls think about this?
1
SPEAKER_00
Did they tell you not to do it after kind of being the only other people who knew anything about this guy?
1
SPEAKER_01
Um, they actually really liked him, uh, at first.
1
SPEAKER_01
I didn t get any, you know, strong don t do it messages from them.
1
SPEAKER_01
Um, but other friends of mine at home and, uh, in my family, of course, were,
1
SPEAKER_01
were not happy about it and told me that I shouldn t do it.
1
SPEAKER_01
But the girls on the trip were weirdly pretty supportive.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so the plan was just to, you know, abandon all of your life in America and move to Belize.
1
SPEAKER_00
What was it in America going on that was making you so sick of being there that you wanted to just hail Mary over to Belize?
1
SPEAKER_01
I don t.
1
SPEAKER_01
I don t know if I really hated America.
1
SPEAKER_01
I had a pretty comfortable life here.
1
SPEAKER_01
I think I was just, it was starting to feel monotonous.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I had such, what I felt like was such an exciting, appealing opportunity to leave the country and live a different kind of life.
1
SPEAKER_01
I think I just thought that the idea of something completely different really
1
SPEAKER_01
made me want to try it out.
1
SPEAKER_00
And how long did you stay in Belize married to this guy?
1
SPEAKER_01
For a couple months, maybe two months.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
And were you living at his house?
1
SPEAKER_00
Were you living with his family?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, we had a place together.
1
SPEAKER_00
Did you have a job there?
1
SPEAKER_00
Did you like what, I guess, what were your plans for being there outside of just being with this guy?
1
SPEAKER_01
Um, I, I was, I was considering getting a job.
1
SPEAKER_01
I never did.
1
SPEAKER_01
I looked into a couple opportunities, but the pay was, it was pretty much nothing.
1
SPEAKER_01
Um, and I actually had some bills in the U S I had to take care of.
1
SPEAKER_01
Um, so I realized pretty quickly, I couldn t like, there was no way I could really take care of my, myself, um, with any kind of job in Belize.
1
SPEAKER_01
Um, and he wasn t making enough money to even take care of, you know, our, our bills in Belize.
1
SPEAKER_01
So, um, I considered some remote work, you know, like working jobs that are in the U S but just doing it from Belize.
1
SPEAKER_01
Um, I kind of, I, I left with the decision, like, just go back and forth, you know, um, find a job that I could work in the United States.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then maybe either hybrid remote or full-time remote work so I could go back and forth But there were a lot of red flags and his behavior was really erratic and Scary, so I never actually Went back to live there and how Did his behavior start to change?
1
SPEAKER_00
How did you
1
SPEAKER_01
A lot of jealousy, obsessive jealousy.
1
SPEAKER_01
He was always very quick to apologize for behavior.
1
SPEAKER_01
If he did something that really upset me or made me feel uncomfortable, he was at first really quick to apologize.
1
SPEAKER_01
He just continued repeating the same behavior, so nothing changed.
1
SPEAKER_01
But a lot of jealousy.
1
SPEAKER_01
I wasn t really safe or comfortable to hang out with friends or go out and do anything without him calling, texting me over and over and over and over, and then getting very angry at me.
1
SPEAKER_01
He had my location tracked on
1
SPEAKER_01
We used different apps, but he was very insistent on knowing exactly where I was all the time.
1
SPEAKER_01
And he lied about pretty much everything.
1
SPEAKER_01
I started finding out as the relationship progressed that everything he told me about who he was, about his family, about his life, was a lie.
1
SPEAKER_00
What kind of lies?
1
SPEAKER_01
Um, his age, even his age, he lied to me about his age.
1
SPEAKER_01
Um, he claimed to have a really good relationship with his family and I met his family.
1
SPEAKER_01
Um, but that wasn t, it wasn t true.
1
SPEAKER_01
Um, he really, he really kind of painted this like fantasy life that he had and none of it was true.
1
SPEAKER_00
How old did he say he was?
1
SPEAKER_01
he told me he was my age, but he was a year younger than me, which is such a small thing to lie about.
1
SPEAKER_01
And it didn t make sense.
1
SPEAKER_01
Um, he told me that he had been, cause I had been single for about three, maybe four years before I met him.
1
SPEAKER_01
And he told me he was also single for about three years before I met him.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then I found, um,
1
SPEAKER_01
This girl had made like a Me Too post on Facebook about him.
1
SPEAKER_01
Claiming that he had like hit her and that he was really abusive towards her and that he was cheating on her with me.
1
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
1
SPEAKER_01
And yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
And he told me- Was this another- That he was crazy.
1
SPEAKER_00
Was this another foreign woman or was this a girl in Belize?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, she was a girl in Belize.
1
SPEAKER_01
He told me she was just an ex-girlfriend from a long time ago and that she was really jealous and crazy.
1
SPEAKER_01
And even his family members told me the same thing, that she was crazy.
1
SPEAKER_01
They hadn t been together for so long.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then over time, slowly, it just kept eating at me because a lot of the things that she wrote about in her post started happening to me.
1
SPEAKER_01
She talked a lot about how jealous he was and about how he started trying to control what she did and who she talked to.
1
SPEAKER_01
And the same way she described it, it started happening to me.
1
SPEAKER_01
So I kind of kept pressing him about this girl.
1
SPEAKER_01
I was like, you know, and his answer changed every time.
1
SPEAKER_01
So it went from, oh, no, I haven t talked to her in three years to, oh, well, it was like a couple months.
1
SPEAKER_01
to, oh, well, you know, she wanted us to stay together.
1
SPEAKER_01
But a couple of days before you and I met, I broke things off with her.
1
SPEAKER_01
You know, the stories just kept changing over the weeks.
2
SPEAKER_00
and months.
2
SPEAKER_01
So when was it that you decided to leave Belize?
2
SPEAKER_01
Leave, that s a tongue twister, leave Belize.
2
SPEAKER_00
I guess September.
2
SPEAKER_00
I left in September.
2
SPEAKER_01
And that was after about two months of being there, you said?
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, just about two months.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I m curious, what was it that kind of was like, all right, I got to leave?
2
SPEAKER_01
And then also, was it difficult to get out?
2
SPEAKER_00
Um, I was, I actually had a trip to Italy planned, um, to visit my best friend who lived there.
2
SPEAKER_00
So, um, it was kind of a, a decision of whether after that trip, if I would go back to Belize or if I would go to the United States.
2
SPEAKER_00
Um, so I ended up going back to the United States after that trip, but, um, he made it very difficult to leave.
2
SPEAKER_00
He didn t want me to go on this trip.
2
SPEAKER_00
I d planned it years in advance, but he was trying to stop me from going.
2
SPEAKER_00
He told me he was going to hide my passport so that I couldn t leave.
2
SPEAKER_00
I slept with my passport on my person for days before I left.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then once I went on that trip, he did everything he could to try to make my trip miserable.
2
SPEAKER_00
He harassed me.
2
SPEAKER_00
He harassed my friend.
2
SPEAKER_00
He just would call over and over and over and over.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I made it really clear that, you know, I tried to tell him, you know, we can talk for like an hour, maybe two hours in the morning.
2
SPEAKER_00
But I need the rest of the time for me and my friend.
2
SPEAKER_00
And if anything urgent comes up, just text me and I ll get back in touch with you. 
2
SPEAKER_00
I shared my location with him the whole time.
2
SPEAKER_00
But it wasn t enough for him.
2
SPEAKER_00
He seemed to think I was cheating on him the entire trip.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I didn t get a break from that.
2
SPEAKER_00
And when I finally was like, you know what, I can t do this and turn off my phone or block him or just
2
SPEAKER_00
and silence his messages or notifications, he would start, he would make violent threats about me or my friend.
2
SPEAKER_01
And did you go from Italy back to Belize or did you go straight from Italy back to the U.S.?
2
SPEAKER_00
I went straight back to the U.S.
2
SPEAKER_00
I was like, I can t deal with this guy anymore.
2
SPEAKER_01
What did you have any like belongings that you had to leave behind in Belize?
2
SPEAKER_00
Um, none that I really cared about.
2
SPEAKER_00
I think I had some clothes and some like toiletries, but, uh, I, I knew before I left on that trip that I was probably not going to come back.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t think it s worth going back to a crazy Belizean man for some shower gel.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, definitely not.
2
SPEAKER_00
It got worse and worse to the point I m like, you know, I need to divorce this guy.
2
SPEAKER_00
And around the time I started talking to him about, you know, we need to get a divorce is when he, I guess he had a contact in the cartel who was able to
2
SPEAKER_00
get him across into the U.S.
2
SPEAKER_00
illegally.
2
SPEAKER_01
How did he find out where you lived?
2
SPEAKER_00
We had to put our addresses on our marriage certificate.
2
SPEAKER_00
He knew where I lived.
2
SPEAKER_00
He was also constantly, he had access to my location.
2
SPEAKER_00
He made me download certain apps that would share my location with him.
2
SPEAKER_00
So he knew where I was and where I would go.
2
SPEAKER_01
And so he had a contact in the cartel.
2
SPEAKER_01
Did you have any idea that, did you ever talk about like the cartel or anything like that with you before?
2
SPEAKER_00
Towards the end, when I was pretty sure I wanted to end things, he mentioned that he had like killed people.
2
SPEAKER_00
He claimed to be like a gang leader.
2
SPEAKER_00
I didn t believe it because he didn t have any money, you know, but he told a lot of kind of stories like that either to scare me or he was kind of opening up about being involved in some bad things.
2
SPEAKER_00
So it wasn t really surprising to me.
2
SPEAKER_00
I can t really talk too much about certain things because of some investigations that are going on.
2
SPEAKER_00
But his family is really bad news.
2
SPEAKER_01
So, I was curious about your guys  marriage.
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, like, how legally binding was this thing, now that you re back in the US?
2
SPEAKER_01
Like, do they really give a fuck about, you know, Belizean?
2
SPEAKER_01
That s probably not how you say it.
2
SPEAKER_01
Belizean.
2
SPEAKER_01
Belize is a city, right?
2
SPEAKER_00
No, yeah, Belizean.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s Belizean?
2
SPEAKER_01
It sounds made up.
2
SPEAKER_01
I feel like I made that up.
2
SPEAKER_00
No, yeah, Belizean.
2
SPEAKER_00
No, no, you got it.
2
SPEAKER_01
Belize is a country, right?
2
SPEAKER_01
It s not a city?
2
SPEAKER_01
I m so dumb.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s a country, right?
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah, it s a country.
2
SPEAKER_00
Their main city is Belize City, so.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, okay, so it s Belize, Belize.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
Belize, Belize, Belize.
2
SPEAKER_01
I was gonna say the city so nice I named it twice, but it sounds kind of like it was bad for you.
2
SPEAKER_00
No, you re fine.
2
SPEAKER_00
There s some beautiful people in Belize, and I really love the culture, and the music is great.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s a great travel destination.
2
SPEAKER_00
I just maybe wouldn t get married to a stranger if you decide to go.
2
SPEAKER_01
Um, so now you are back in the States.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Uh, and so what s, what happened with this marriage certificate?
2
SPEAKER_01
Like is, I assume, I guess how legally binding is it as there is there, like what s going on with it?
2
SPEAKER_01
I suppose like the, the, the, the legality of the marriage.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s a really good question.
2
SPEAKER_00
I ve been trying to find out the answer.
2
SPEAKER_00
I can t really get a clear answer.
2
SPEAKER_00
Um,
2
SPEAKER_00
Really?
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, technically, you can get married anywhere in the world.
2
SPEAKER_00
And it s as long as it s legal in the place where you got married, the United States will recognize it.
2
SPEAKER_00
But it s, I mean, in the United States, am I married?
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
2
SPEAKER_00
There were some documents that I had to fill out for him to start with, like the green card process.
2
SPEAKER_00
There s a document in particular,
2
SPEAKER_00
that kind of claims him as a family member of mine, I never filled out any of those.
2
SPEAKER_00
I just had a really bad feeling about making sure on paper, you know, the U.S.
2
SPEAKER_00
government recognized him as a family member of mine.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I never filled any of that out.
2
SPEAKER_00
But I don t really know if it s, I don t really know if it s legally binding.
2
SPEAKER_00
I would assume it is.
2
SPEAKER_01
So you left Belize in September.
2
SPEAKER_01
September of what year?
2
2022.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay, so it s been a little bit.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yep.
2
SPEAKER_00
He came into the U.S.
2
SPEAKER_00
in February of last year, 2023.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay, let s talk about that.
2
SPEAKER_01
So he comes into the U.S., and what happens?
2
SPEAKER_00
He got caught at the border, I guess, right after he crossed the border.
2
SPEAKER_00
And Border Patrol or USCIS or whoever technically asked to like call me to or have me fill out documents for me to be his sponsor.
2
SPEAKER_00
But they didn t do that.
2
SPEAKER_00
He was just kind of
2
SPEAKER_00
He put me down as a sponsor.
2
SPEAKER_00
He had our marriage certificate with him.
2
SPEAKER_00
And they shipped him over to where I live.
2
SPEAKER_00
I live in North Carolina.
2
SPEAKER_00
So they shipped him here and I took him in.
2
SPEAKER_00
He claimed that he was scared for his life and believe he claimed that people were trying to kill him.
2
SPEAKER_00
But the story also kept changing over and over and over again.
2
SPEAKER_01
So he just shows up at your door.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, well, I picked him up from the airport, but yeah, he called me like I m here and I have nowhere else to go.
2
SPEAKER_01
And were you, you know, and this was after he had made these violent threats.
3
SPEAKER_00
against you and your friend?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Were you skeptical?
3
SPEAKER_00
Were you afraid of this guy at that point?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, definitely.
3
SPEAKER_01
I thought if he was here, I kind of, I had a little bit more, in my head, I had a little bit more of an upper hand than when we were in Belize.
3
SPEAKER_01
because I didn t know anybody else in Belize and I was kind of totally at his mercy there.
3
SPEAKER_01
But the way I was thinking about it was like, well, here I have friends, you know, this is my home.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like I know how things are done here.
3
SPEAKER_01
And he s showing up with kind of, you know, no idea what s going on and, um, how to live here.
3
SPEAKER_01
And he, he made it very much like, you know,
3
SPEAKER_01
I was all he had.
3
SPEAKER_01
So I thought things were probably going to calm down and that he wasn t going to be as aggressive or abusive as he had been, which is very naive to think, but I thought maybe it wouldn t be so bad.
3
SPEAKER_00
So how does that play out?
3
SPEAKER_01
The opposite.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, the opposite.
3
SPEAKER_01
It was really bad.
3
SPEAKER_01
He started being physically violent about three weeks after he got here.
3
SPEAKER_01
And that was pretty much a weekly thing until he left.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s a miracle I kept my job because I had a new job at the time.
3
SPEAKER_01
But yeah, there were times I started getting really bad migraines.
3
SPEAKER_01
Um, I wasn t, I pretty much had no relationship with my friends.
3
SPEAKER_01
Um, I couldn t really like leave the house or go out and do anything unless he was with me.
3
SPEAKER_00
Um, so how does this eventually end?
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, how does, how does he get out of the picture?
3
SPEAKER_01
He strangled me, and I thought I was going to die.
3
SPEAKER_01
It was pretty bad, like I urinated all over myself, and it was really bad.
3
SPEAKER_01
So I went to, I actually just went to an urgent care, like I ran and went to an urgent care, and they filed a police report.
3
SPEAKER_01
And the police finally followed up with me, and as I was taking the report,
3
SPEAKER_01
Um, he was calling me over and over and over and over again.
3
SPEAKER_01
So one of the police officers told me to answer his call, put it on speaker and not tell him that they were there.
3
SPEAKER_01
And my husband just confessed everything.
3
SPEAKER_01
So they, they got him and arrested him.
3
SPEAKER_01
Um, but they almost immediately, like after two weeks, maybe, um, released him.
3
SPEAKER_01
on bail, and then he went on the run.
3
SPEAKER_01
And from that point, he was sending me multiple death threats.
3
SPEAKER_01
He video called me, pointed a gun at the camera, told me I was dead.
3
SPEAKER_01
A lot of things to try to scare me.
3
SPEAKER_01
But his violence, as we were living together, kept escalating.
3
SPEAKER_01
So at that point, I really believed that
3
SPEAKER_01
he might hurt me.
3
SPEAKER_01
I was really lucky to have some friends that were still kind of waiting, waiting for me to come back and ready to help.
3
SPEAKER_00
What happened to him?
3
SPEAKER_00
Where is he now?
3
SPEAKER_00
Do we know?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, they caught him.
3
SPEAKER_01
He s in a detention facility in another state.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, they I guess he was arrested on a domestic violence call in Tennessee.
3
SPEAKER_01
And then they.
3
SPEAKER_01
They kind of got him and sent him to to a different facility to await deportation.
3
SPEAKER_00
So he s in jail and he s going to get deported back into Belize.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
And has he contacted you since or do you have him blocked?
3
SPEAKER_01
Um, well he doesn t, he doesn t have a cell phone, which is nice.
3
SPEAKER_01
Um, he doesn t really have a way to contact me.
3
SPEAKER_01
His family members have been kind of sending me threats sporadically.
3
SPEAKER_01
I randomly get, you know, a call from a Belizean number.
3
SPEAKER_01
I just have to block, um,
3
SPEAKER_01
But it s been quiet for a while, for a couple months now.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s been really quiet.
3
SPEAKER_00
Which is nice.
3
SPEAKER_01
But now it s, you know, it s weird to go from something so intense to just regular life again.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t know what normal, regular life really looks like.
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean, yeah, this is this is pretty crazy.
3
SPEAKER_00
This is very, very crazy story that you re telling us right now.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it s hard and very weird to kind of go back to a normal, or try to figure out what normal is.
3
SPEAKER_00
And you re in North Carolina right now.
3
SPEAKER_01
I am.
3
SPEAKER_00
And do you still have that job?
3
SPEAKER_01
I ve gone through a couple jobs.
3
SPEAKER_01
I just started a brand new one, just kind of for safety reasons.
3
SPEAKER_01
He knew where I was working before, so I started a new one.
3
SPEAKER_00
And do you like that job?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
I love the people I work with.
3
SPEAKER_01
I kind of wish I was able to contribute more or I guess be more focused.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s been hard to, I hear some people say that they re able to just
3
SPEAKER_01
drown themselves in work to avoid thinking about anything else.
3
SPEAKER_01
I really envy people who can do that.
3
SPEAKER_01
I can t.
3
SPEAKER_01
I wish I had more of that.
3
SPEAKER_00
You know, it s... I don t know, man.
3
SPEAKER_00
I think... I don t know how normal human beings live their life and stuff, but I always kind of think that... And I don t even know what a normal human being looks like.
3
SPEAKER_00
Or I guess I do.
3
SPEAKER_00
I have in my head what a normal human being is like.
3
SPEAKER_00
But...
3
SPEAKER_00
Think there s a lot of like drowning yourself in stuff, you know, whether it s whether you re unlucky enough for it to be, you know drugs and alcohol or if it s work or or even or even if it s spending time with family and friends, you know, or Or winning Super Smash Brothers tournament
3
SPEAKER_00
Everyone s kind of drowning themselves in something.
3
SPEAKER_00
I guess that s what life is, is you pick something to drown yourself in, to prevent yourself from going insane, and then you die.
3
SPEAKER_00
And if you re lucky, you ve chosen to drown yourself in the warmth of your friends and family, and if not, you pick something else.
3
SPEAKER_00
But again, I don t know how normal human beings operate, but that s how I imagine it to be.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it would be nice to drown your life in that.
3
SPEAKER_00
What do you desire to do next?
3
SPEAKER_00
What s on the docket for you?
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s gotten really difficult to
3
SPEAKER_01
look forward and imagine a future.
3
SPEAKER_01
I think I d like to relocate.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m kind of OK here for now, but it would be nice to go somewhere else in a different state where, you know, nobody can find me and just kind of start fresh there, start new.
3
SPEAKER_00
Would you consider leaving the country again?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
3
SPEAKER_01
Not police, but somewhere else.
3
SPEAKER_01
Probably nowhere in Central America.
3
SPEAKER_01
I think I m good on Central America for a while.
3
SPEAKER_00
I think you re good on Central America for a while, too.
3
SPEAKER_00
I think you ve seen it.
3
SPEAKER_00
You had the food.
3
SPEAKER_00
It was good.
4
SPEAKER_00
it off on your little map list.
4
SPEAKER_00
Probably good for Belize for the rest of your life, I would say.
4
SPEAKER_00
Depending on how high quality that shower gel you left there was.
4
SPEAKER_00
If it was the really good stuff, then maybe you make a trip back to Belize.
4
SPEAKER_00
But if it was kind of just like something you picked up at Walgreens, then you know, you can leave it.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I don t think the
4
SPEAKER_02
Shower gel quality in Belize is much better than in the United States.
4
SPEAKER_02
I think we ve got some good stuff here.
4
SPEAKER_00
I ll be okay Well, that s a tough thing I think about that all the time I think about like life restarts and I ve talked to a lot of people what you know when I ve been abroad who ve restarted their lives and you know, I ve thought about doing it myself and it s it s a
4
SPEAKER_00
fascinating idea.
4
SPEAKER_00
I mean, you kind of, and it s hard because you kind of tried to do it and it just went really poorly.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I don t know if that should necessarily, I don t know if that should discourage you from trying to do it again.
4
SPEAKER_00
Maybe, you know, you ve learned some safety tips, you know, as to how you could do it again, but not, you know, have it be such a crazy thing.
4
SPEAKER_00
um but uh you know i would keep that courage that you have whatever the courage was that you know caught one it made you you know be like okay i m gonna take a a nice leap with my life right um but you know we we we hone it in we we adjust it
4
SPEAKER_00
So it s like, okay, you know, we re going to have the courage to go out into a new place and make new connections and whatnot.
4
SPEAKER_00
But you know, we ve learned.
4
SPEAKER_00
Maybe we don t, you know, sign any, any marriage certificates or do anything super crazy, but something doing something just crazy enough that it, you know, propels you into this, this new place that you want to be, you know,
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, like get really into some.
4
SPEAKER_00
crazy hobby like skydiving or something.
4
SPEAKER_00
Skydiving is probably safer than driving a car.
4
SPEAKER_00
I personally, I mean I watch videos all day of horrible skydiving accidents on Twitter and so I m biased against it.
4
SPEAKER_00
Any extreme sports?
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t like extreme sports.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t like things where you can get all fucked up.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like, why don t you, why don t you move to China and start a knitting club and it s just you and, you know, the people of China and you re, and you re knitting.
4
SPEAKER_00
That could be fun.
4
SPEAKER_02
That sounds lovely.
4
SPEAKER_00
That sounds lovely.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_02
I ll have to learn how to knit, but that s a good idea.
4
SPEAKER_02
Go off to some like French countryside and learn how to make a,
4
SPEAKER_02
You know, French dishes might be cool.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Don t that s I guess what I m I guess what I m trying to say is that I hope you don t lose your sense of adventure and sense of, you know, desire to keep evolving and changing.
4
SPEAKER_00
But that but so don t lose that.
4
SPEAKER_00
You know, don t let this horrible experience, you know, um, totally freeze you up to the point where you don t want to go out and live your life anymore.
4
SPEAKER_00
Right.
4
SPEAKER_00
We don t want that to happen, but you know, but, but take that sense and you know, don t let it erode, but also don t let it, you know, steer you into, you know, the, the, the bad places, you know, you know what I m talking about?
4
SPEAKER_02
Oh yeah.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_02
I think it takes some time to, for healing.
4
SPEAKER_02
I,
4
SPEAKER_02
I haven t really spent a whole lot of time in between adventures, I guess, focusing on healing myself and making myself stronger before jumping into the next thing.
4
SPEAKER_00
Sure, sure, sure.
4
SPEAKER_02
I think that healing can be an adventure in itself sometimes.
4
SPEAKER_00
I like that.
4
SPEAKER_00
I like that.
4
SPEAKER_00
You know what?
4
SPEAKER_00
I m going to, I m going to take that.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m going to take that from you.
4
SPEAKER_00
Healing can be an adventure in and of itself.
4
SPEAKER_00
Sometimes I m going to take that.
4
SPEAKER_00
I like that.
4
SPEAKER_02
Sometimes it s the hardest one.
4
SPEAKER_02
Sometimes it s the scariest one, but it s one of the most important ones.
4
SPEAKER_00
What s your name again?
4
SPEAKER_02
Uh, Ray.
4
SPEAKER_00
Ray, well, Ray, Ray, thanks for sharing your tale with us.
4
SPEAKER_00
I hope it was helpful to talk about.
4
SPEAKER_00
You know, you know what?
4
SPEAKER_00
I bet somebody will listen to this podcast and you ll you maybe you ll you ll get them to think twice about their, you know, crazy foreign marriage adventure that they might be embarking on.
4
SPEAKER_02
That was my hope.
4
SPEAKER_02
That s the plan.
4
SPEAKER_02
Thank you so much for having me, Lyle.
4
SPEAKER_00
Of course.
4
SPEAKER_00
Any final words for the people, the computer before we go?
4
SPEAKER_02
Um, just think twice before doing anything crazy.
4
SPEAKER_00
Take care.
4
SPEAKER_02
Thank you so much.
4
SPEAKER_02
Bye.
4
SPEAKER_00
You know, at the beginning of Ray s Call, I was telling her that I was in an existential crisis mode, and I am.
4
SPEAKER_00
And whenever I get into an existential crisis mode, my first instinct is like, okay, well, I m not getting any younger, and I have this job that only every so often requires me to actually, you know, be in a physical location, and so why don t I go to Thailand for a little bit?
4
SPEAKER_00
You know, and see what the fuck happens.
4
SPEAKER_00
And, um...
4
SPEAKER_00
I do think I m gonna do that.
4
SPEAKER_00
I do think it s important to do those things, but I am inspired by Ray s words of maybe you know healing and overcoming and reinventing and and Tacking on you know the issues you actually have in your home are
4
SPEAKER_00
or an adventure in and of themselves.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so I m going to think about that.
4
SPEAKER_00
And what would you know?
4
SPEAKER_00
It s my favorite thing in this podcast is when the therapy gecko gets therapy geckoed.
4
SPEAKER_00
So thank you very much, Ray.
4
SPEAKER_01
Hello.
4
SPEAKER_00
Hi there.
4
SPEAKER_00
What s your name?
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh, my name is Mia.
4
SPEAKER_01
I was at your Syracuse show a few days ago.
4
SPEAKER_00
Why are you talking like that?
4
SPEAKER_00
You re like doing a bit.
4
SPEAKER_01
I have no idea.
4
SPEAKER_01
I think I m kind of like a little.
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t want to say a little autistic because people don t like when you say that.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
You know, I think I might be a little bit.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s totally okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
I just, I just, I didn t say that.
4
SPEAKER_00
I promise you I wasn t saying it to be a dick.
4
SPEAKER_00
I just, I was saying that because I was like, you were, you don t have to do that.
4
SPEAKER_00
You can do, we can just talk.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh, it takes a lot to bother me, honestly, so you re fine.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
I really I didn t mean to offend you.
4
SPEAKER_00
I just wanted to tell you like you don t have to because I think some people think they have to like do a put on and you don t you could just be whoever you are.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
No, I m just naturally strange.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m sorry about that.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
4
SPEAKER_00
Don t don t be just as long as you re being naturally whatever you are.
4
SPEAKER_00
You have nothing to apologize for.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Anyway, Mia, you, yes, you mentioned to me over this text that you were at my Syracuse show a few nights ago.
4
SPEAKER_00
Shout out to Syracuse.
4
SPEAKER_00
Had a really fun time this week.
4
SPEAKER_00
Syracuse, Albany, Hartford, Connecticut, doing shows.
4
SPEAKER_00
TherapygeckoTour.com, go check it out.
4
SPEAKER_00
But anyway, you said you broke up with your boyfriend after the show.
4
SPEAKER_00
Was he at, I m wondering, was the show like a catalyst for this breakup?
4
SPEAKER_01
So, not necessarily.
4
SPEAKER_01
I mean, it was like a couple days after, but not long after.
4
SPEAKER_01
You know, I feel like a bitch.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I m kinda like, you know, am I the asshole?
4
SPEAKER_01
I might be, I might be.
4
SPEAKER_00
Well, tell us what happens, if you want to.
4
SPEAKER_01
So, me and my boyfriend,
4
SPEAKER_01
We met on TikTok.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s a very, very strange way to meet.
4
SPEAKER_01
And he lives in Michigan.
4
SPEAKER_01
And... Oh, God.
4
SPEAKER_01
I... He flew out here.
4
SPEAKER_01
He was supposed to stay till frickin ... Whoo!
4
SPEAKER_01
Till Tuesday.
4
SPEAKER_01
And, uh... I should not be laughing.
4
SPEAKER_01
This is not funny.
4
SPEAKER_01
Very sad.
4
SPEAKER_01
Um, I laugh at sadness We were playing these cards that were that are like, oh, let s get closer Couples a day.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh, yes.
4
SPEAKER_00
No, I know it said the whole like here s some questions to build intimacy Kind of cards.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah kind of went like the opposite
5
SPEAKER_01
opposite direction.
5
SPEAKER_01
I was just kind of like, you know, I do this thing where it s like in every relationship, I kind of lie to myself after a while, which is totally not intentional.
5
SPEAKER_01
I m like, Oh, yeah, I m in love.
5
SPEAKER_01
This is great.
5
SPEAKER_01
This is going to be the rest of my life.
5
SPEAKER_00
Sure.
5
SPEAKER_01
And then there s just kind of like this impending cloud of doom.
5
SPEAKER_01
Like, Oh,
5
SPEAKER_01
this is going to be the rest of my life.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
And, uh, then I kind of start freaking out.
5
SPEAKER_00
Right.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s not that I, I, I don t know.
5
SPEAKER_01
I don t know what it is.
5
SPEAKER_01
So, you know, it s kind of like, Oh, what s going on?
5
SPEAKER_01
You seem a little upset.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I m like, yeah, I m not feeling it, you know?
5
SPEAKER_01
And it was just, it was just like this downward spiral.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I paid for him to fly home that day.
5
Like...
5
SPEAKER_01
Oh, it s so bad because like he didn t do anything wrong.
5
SPEAKER_02
That s okay.
5
SPEAKER_02
That s okay.
5
SPEAKER_02
You don t have to they don t have to it s not it doesn t have to be it doesn t you know, it doesn t have to be said.
5
SPEAKER_02
Hold on.
5
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_02
All right.
5
SPEAKER_02
Well, can I just real quick me out?
5
SPEAKER_02
Let me let s reign all of this in real quick.
5
SPEAKER_02
Okay, so here s how I understand this.
5
SPEAKER_02
Alright, so I see you went to the show with with this guy that you met on.
5
SPEAKER_02
Was he your boyfriend?
5
SPEAKER_02
Or was he just like a guy that you kind of met for the first time on the tick tock?
5
SPEAKER_01
So we met on TikTok, but we had meeting up in person like twice before.
5
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_01
So this was like third time s a charm.
5
SPEAKER_02
All right.
5
SPEAKER_02
So he flies from Michigan to Syracuse.
5
SPEAKER_02
Were you both at the show?
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
Did I meet you guys?
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, we have a picture with you.
5
SPEAKER_01
We were like on a last in line.
5
SPEAKER_02
Wait a minute, I m so sorry.
5
SPEAKER_02
Can you send me this picture?
5
SPEAKER_02
I want to see if I remember your faces.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh, Jesus.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh, so I just text it to you?
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, just text it to this phone number.
5
SPEAKER_02
I ll talk to you while you re doing it.
5
SPEAKER_02
We look so happy.
5
SPEAKER_02
It s recent enough that I remember your faces.
5
SPEAKER_02
Maybe.
5
SPEAKER_02
But anyway, OK, so he flies out from Michigan to Syracuse to hang out with you, go to the show.
5
SPEAKER_02
And how long is he in Syracuse for?
5
SPEAKER_00
So at that, Oh God, that was the first day.
5
SPEAKER_02
So he flies in, goes to the showcase and the picture.
5
SPEAKER_02
Hold on.
5
SPEAKER_02
Let me, let me, let me see if I remember you guys.
5
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_02
Wait a minute.
5
SPEAKER_02
Oh, wait, I totally- I absolutely- Wait, hold on, hold on.
5
SPEAKER_02
Is his name- I don t want to dox him.
5
SPEAKER_02
Brandon, let s cut- Alright, Brandon, let s- If we can mute this name from the podcast, because I don t want to dox him, but tell me if I was right.
5
SPEAKER_02
Is- Was his name- Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_02
Ah, fuck yeah.
5
SPEAKER_02
Fuck all of you guys who think I don t remember anyone s name because I fucking remember this guy s name.
5
SPEAKER_02
Hell yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
Oh, he got it.
5
SPEAKER_01
You got it.
5
SPEAKER_02
I got it.
5
SPEAKER_02
I fucking got it.
5
SPEAKER_02
I actually am so stoked about that because I m proud of you.
5
SPEAKER_02
If you listen to this show, you ll listen to me ask people s name about a hundred fucking times.
5
SPEAKER_02
But yes, no, I remember this guy.
5
SPEAKER_02
No, I remember this guy.
5
SPEAKER_02
He had a vibe going to him.
5
SPEAKER_02
Both of you guys had a little vibe going.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_02
I do remember you guys.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s just like, man, he didn t do anything wrong.
5
SPEAKER_01
You know,
5
SPEAKER_01
I don t know, maybe you don t know, but just kind of like, not to sound corny, but the vibe is there or it s not there.
5
SPEAKER_01
And we very much, you know, connected as friends, but the romance, it was dead.
5
SPEAKER_02
I remembered his name because he just looks like his name.
5
SPEAKER_02
He looks like his name.
5
SPEAKER_02
Anyway, listen, Mia, I don t think... Okay, you paying for him to fly home that day, it is funny.
5
SPEAKER_02
Okay, you don t have to feel bad about it.
5
SPEAKER_02
I mean, you don t have to feel bad about it.
5
SPEAKER_02
Because it is funny.
5
SPEAKER_02
But here s the thing.
5
SPEAKER_02
I don t think there s anything... There s nothing wrong with just making this decision of like, you know what?
5
SPEAKER_02
It s not there.
5
SPEAKER_02
We don t have to waste time.
5
SPEAKER_02
We don t have to you know Hang out in Syracuse for another week while we re not feeling it and just go home the Lick the wounds and we ll move on we ll figure it out.
5
SPEAKER_02
It s fine.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s fine Yeah, like I totally Would have waited till after the trip like I did not plan to do this that s why I feel like an asshole cuz it s like damn I
5
SPEAKER_01
I couldn t have waited till after.
5
SPEAKER_02
No, why wait?
5
SPEAKER_02
Why wait?
5
SPEAKER_02
What was going to happen?
5
SPEAKER_02
You decided you didn t like him.
5
SPEAKER_02
What was that week going to look like?
5
SPEAKER_02
That wasn t going to be a fun week for either of you.
5
SPEAKER_02
That was only going to get worse, right?
5
SPEAKER_02
Because you were going to be feeling slowly, slowly, more and more as though you were getting trapped into a thing that you didn t even want to be in.
5
SPEAKER_02
And he was going to start, he was going to get more and more excited and happy and more invested.
5
SPEAKER_02
And it was just not going to be a good thing.
5
SPEAKER_02
So, you know, I don t think there was anything wrong with being, you know, being honest and sending him home and being like, you know what, this wasn t going to work.
5
SPEAKER_02
It was only going to get worse.
5
SPEAKER_02
You know, you actually did the right thing, I think, because you ended it before it got worse.
5
SPEAKER_01
And he s like, let me pay you back for the plane ticket.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I m like, listen, no.
5
SPEAKER_01
This is, this is.
5
SPEAKER_02
It was honestly, honestly, kind, kind.
5
SPEAKER_02
It s still very funny, but kind of you to pay for the plane ticket back.
5
SPEAKER_01
Well, it s like, you know, do we sit there like four days in awkwardness and then it s like.
5
SPEAKER_02
Right, right.
5
SPEAKER_01
Let s make, you know, let s make it work.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s like, no.
5
SPEAKER_02
It s dead.
5
SPEAKER_02
Did you pack him a lunch and give him an apple juice for the flight?
5
SPEAKER_01
No, you know, I didn t do that.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I do feel bad.
5
SPEAKER_01
I could have.
5
SPEAKER_02
I can cook.
5
SPEAKER_02
Oh, what was I going to say?
5
SPEAKER_02
Oh, what was the card that made you decide that it wasn t going to work?
5
SPEAKER_01
Oh, God.
5
SPEAKER_01
Well, you know, it was kind of like one after the other, like questions like like should not be laughing.
5
SPEAKER_01
See, this is what, how I feel like an ass.
5
SPEAKER_01
I just, I laugh to deal with things.
5
SPEAKER_01
I do genuinely feel so bad cause he s a great guy.
5
SPEAKER_01
Great friend.
5
SPEAKER_01
He was, he was a nice dude.
5
SPEAKER_02
I liked, I liked, I was just, we had a good vibe.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s like questions like what, what made me fall in love with you?
5
SPEAKER_01
Do you remember the moment I fell in love with you?
5
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, Oh God, not really.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s like, am I supposed to, you know?
5
SPEAKER_02
I mean, you just met the guy for the second time.
5
SPEAKER_00
Well, but still.
5
SPEAKER_02
How long were you guys chatting on the TikTok for?
5
SPEAKER_01
Oh, well, I think I m bad at timelines.
5
SPEAKER_01
We ve known each other for like a bit over a year.
5
SPEAKER_00
OK.
5
SPEAKER_01
We talked on TikTok for a little bit, went over to Snapchat, kind of weird, but like
5
SPEAKER_01
just talked on Snapchat and just continuously talked every day.
5
SPEAKER_01
And then like, I want to say after being friends for like six months or more, we were like, let s try to date.
5
SPEAKER_01
But I said, I wasn t going to like date until I met him in person.
5
SPEAKER_02
That s a reasonable request.
5
SPEAKER_02
That s a reasonable request.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s like, I m not going to call you my boyfriend before I
5
SPEAKER_01
meet you in person even though i think i like you does he is he so you guys both came to my show does he also listen to this podcast i assume he s gonna hear this you know i don t know if he really does i think he sees like the clips on like instagram and stuff
5
SPEAKER_01
He s probably too depressed right now to be doing this.
5
SPEAKER_02
Look, if he s here, look, I ve met this guy, all right, so here s, let me, and I only knew him for two seconds, but let me just, if he s listening to this, I m not gonna say his name again, because we already said it, we re gonna bleep it once, but if you re listening to this, okay, listen, I remember you, you had a lot of swag.
5
SPEAKER_02
I m looking at a picture of you right now.
5
SPEAKER_02
You re a swaggy guy, you got, you know, cool hair, you got a good vibe, you re gonna be fine.
5
SPEAKER_02
I m going to give him a fake name so I can address him.
5
SPEAKER_02
I m going to call him John.
5
SPEAKER_02
John, you re going to be fine.
5
SPEAKER_02
You re going to be fine, John.
5
SPEAKER_02
You know, you ll go, you ll find someone else.
5
SPEAKER_01
Please forgive me, John.
5
SPEAKER_02
Probably.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_02
He ll bounce back.
5
SPEAKER_01
I kind of feel like it s a me problem in a way, not to be like the whole cliche, oh, it s not you, it s me.
5
SPEAKER_01
But this feels like it happens in all of my relationships.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I do try to take it slow.
5
SPEAKER_01
I do try to pace myself.
6
SPEAKER_02
Make sure I like them and then it s like all of a sudden in the middle of stuff.
6
SPEAKER_02
I m like, uh-oh Who is this guy not really who is this guy but it s like no, you re right you re sitting in you re laying in bed You re looking at him.
6
SPEAKER_00
You re like who s this random guy in my bed?
6
SPEAKER_00
Oh
6
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_02
Is this the rest of my life?
6
SPEAKER_00
That s everyone s worst nightmare.
6
SPEAKER_00
That s really everyone s absolute worst nightmare.
6
SPEAKER_00
Both a guy and a girl.
6
SPEAKER_00
If you re a guy, there s nothing worse than if you re in bed with someone you ve been dating and you can tell that they just looked at you and they were like, who is this stranger in my bed right now?
6
SPEAKER_00
And then for you as well, you look at them, you re like, why?
6
SPEAKER_00
This is insane.
6
SPEAKER_00
We don t even...
6
SPEAKER_00
You could be, you could be dating someone for like five years and look at them and be like, who s this fucking guy in my house?
6
SPEAKER_00
You know, it s terrifying.
6
SPEAKER_02
I ve had, you know, I m, I m 27.
6
SPEAKER_02
I m not, I m not super old.
6
SPEAKER_02
I m not super young anymore, but it s like, you know, I don t, I m kind of like, should I just not fucking date people anymore?
6
SPEAKER_02
You know, I feel like this is a family curse.
6
SPEAKER_02
I had a uncle who passed away in like his early 60s and he was kind of like a player.
6
SPEAKER_02
And I feel like him.
6
SPEAKER_02
Like he always tried to have a girlfriend and like even this one girl, her name was Tammy.
6
SPEAKER_02
And my uncle Michael and Tammy, they had a fricking vibe going.
6
SPEAKER_02
She was sweet.
6
SPEAKER_02
She was cool.
6
SPEAKER_02
And the like main reason why they broke up was because she had a fucking dog.
6
SPEAKER_02
Like, because my uncle was like anal about everything.
6
SPEAKER_02
And he s like, Oh, the dog s gonna get hair everywhere.
6
SPEAKER_02
And it s like, I feel I feel like it.
6
SPEAKER_02
Like we have this this curse.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
Jesus.
6
SPEAKER_00
I ve you know what, fuck it.
6
SPEAKER_00
I m just gonna say this because
6
SPEAKER_00
I m trying to be I m trying to be more authentic on here.
6
SPEAKER_00
I kind of have that curse too.
6
SPEAKER_00
And yeah, I m not I m gonna be honest with you.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s I think it s bad.
6
SPEAKER_00
I would I would refer to it as a curse.
6
SPEAKER_00
I would definitely refer to it as a curse.
6
SPEAKER_02
In it.
6
SPEAKER_02
Sorry, I m not trying to cut you off here.
6
SPEAKER_00
Cut me off.
6
SPEAKER_00
Go ahead.
6
SPEAKER_02
No, it just like I get really into my thoughts about it.
6
SPEAKER_02
And I m like,
6
SPEAKER_02
Am I the weird one or are a bunch of other people lying to themselves?
6
SPEAKER_02
Like, does that make sense?
6
SPEAKER_02
Like, maybe all these other people are just like pretending and feeling weird, but just they re miserable in their relationship and not talking about it.
6
SPEAKER_02
That s why.
6
SPEAKER_00
Buddy, fuck if I know.
6
SPEAKER_00
Fuck if I know.
6
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
6
SPEAKER_00
I don t know who s happy and who s not happy.
6
SPEAKER_00
I mean, there s just- I mean, look, there s four kinds of people, right?
6
SPEAKER_00
There s people who are happy in their relationships, people who are unhappy in their relationships, people who are happy being single, and people who are unhappy being single.
6
SPEAKER_00
And all of those people exist in the universe.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I don t know what necessarily differentiates them.
6
SPEAKER_00
I don t know what the X-factors are.
6
SPEAKER_00
But, you know, choose your character, mate.
6
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_02
It s just... I think I gotta stop trying.
6
SPEAKER_02
And I don t know if it can be achieved.
6
SPEAKER_02
I think, you know, I think it s all in my head that something s gonna be good.
6
SPEAKER_02
And then it is not.
6
SPEAKER_02
It s not good at all.
6
SPEAKER_00
Well, don t don t beat yourself up, Mia.
6
SPEAKER_00
It was nice of you to pay for that guy s flight.
6
SPEAKER_00
Did you send him home first class?
6
SPEAKER_00
That would ve been really funny.
6
SPEAKER_02
See about that.
6
SPEAKER_02
We didn t go that far.
6
SPEAKER_00
Did you at least send him Southwest A boarding group?
6
SPEAKER_02
I know he was on Southwest.
6
SPEAKER_02
I don t know about the group.
6
SPEAKER_00
No, you sent him home in the seaboard.
6
SPEAKER_00
He got he had to sit in a middle seat between a Baby and a fat guy.
6
SPEAKER_02
I Know his flight got delayed.
6
SPEAKER_02
He did get home at like 1 in the morning It was pretty quick like we broke up and then he got on the flight like three hours later Like damn this this happened real fast.
6
SPEAKER_02
This was not in the itinerary.
6
SPEAKER_02
I
6
SPEAKER_00
Well Mia, I mean, don t feel, you know what, I ll say it one more time before we go.
6
SPEAKER_00
I think, I think, you know, I honestly, I respect the genuineness by which you went around, by which you went through the situation because, you know, you didn t want to drag it out.
6
SPEAKER_00
A lot of people will drag it out out of fear, you know, because a lot of people, by the way, a lot of people have this curse that you re referring to.
6
SPEAKER_00
And a lot of those people do not have the courage to admit it until they ll drag it out, right?
6
SPEAKER_00
So don t feel too bad.
6
SPEAKER_00
Don t feel too bad.
6
SPEAKER_00
It was nice of you to pay for this guy s flight.
6
SPEAKER_00
Thanks again for coming to the Syracuse show.
6
SPEAKER_00
That was fun.
6
SPEAKER_00
Remember the guy who called his dad to tell him he drank his piss?
6
SPEAKER_00
That was an old timer.
6
SPEAKER_02
That was my favorite part.
6
SPEAKER_02
Listen, if the cannibal girl is listening, I m sorry.
6
SPEAKER_02
That was kind of cringy, kind of out there.
6
SPEAKER_02
I don t know how serious she was.
6
SPEAKER_02
I m just scared.
6
SPEAKER_02
But the pee part was my favorite.
6
SPEAKER_02
It was a great time.
6
SPEAKER_02
You did a great job.
6
SPEAKER_00
Folks listen and go to therapygeckotour.com to RSVP for when I come to your city or to go to you know Something to go to one of the shows anyway Mia Thanks for calling Is there anything else you want to say to the people at the computer before we go?
6
SPEAKER_02
You know guys Don t think I m an asshole.
6
SPEAKER_02
You know I can t pretend.
6
SPEAKER_02
I can t hide if I could I woulda but That might have been worse
6
SPEAKER_02
So hopefully I ve got some supporters out there and definitely go to the therapy Gecko show.
6
SPEAKER_02
It was worth it.
6
SPEAKER_02
It should not end your relationship.
6
SPEAKER_00
All right.
6
SPEAKER_00
Take care.
6
SPEAKER_00
Thanks ma am.
6
SPEAKER_02
Thank you.
6
SPEAKER_02
Bye bye.
6
SPEAKER_00
Actually, it s kind of funny.
6
SPEAKER_00
So I did a show two nights ago.
6
SPEAKER_00
I did a show in Hartford, Connecticut.
6
SPEAKER_00
Shout out Hartford, Connecticut.
6
SPEAKER_00
And this couple came on stage because this woman submitted an entry to come on stage saying that
6
SPEAKER_00
Her she almost broke up with her boyfriend When they went to my show in New York because her boyfriend like Didn t want her because she tried she tried to wear a gecko costume to the show and her boyfriend wouldn t let her and I
6
SPEAKER_00
because the reason why is because he said there can only be one gecko and he was like trying to he was trying to like defend my honor um but they they are still together anyway thanks thanks for uh thanks for calling me yeah
6
SPEAKER_01
He s taking your phone calls every night.
6
SPEAKER_01
Therapy kit goes to his right.
6
SPEAKER_01
He s teaching you how to live your life.
6
SPEAKER_01
But he s not really an expert.