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Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous.
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I m Dan Rutherford and I m joined by the Minister of Waterfalls.
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Sorry y all, it s been a long day and we ve reached that slap happy point.
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We have, we have.
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We just finished recording some Armchair Anonymous.
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We did, but these that you re about to listen to are really fun.
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They re really fun.
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There s one in here that Monica really lost her shit on, which was so fun.
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You could not.
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Just the visual.
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The visual, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
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It s so good, it s so good.
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This is, of course, Crazy Gym Stories, and by God, some crazy shit goes down at gyms and you re about to hear it.
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Also, Happy New Year.
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Yes, Happy New Year.
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Happy New Year to you.
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That s the reason we did this, sort of, because it s often people s resolution to go to the gym.
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Yes, if you go to a public gym, you re very mad right now.
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Yeah, also AA meaning suck this time of year is standing room only.
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It s a bunch of people that are only gonna do it for three days.
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Oh, I wish they would do it for longer.
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Yeah, me too.
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And of course everyone s welcome and come try it.
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But it is interesting when you have like a home group or a group of people and then all of a sudden there s like 35 people that are gonna give a shot.
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It s an interesting dynamic.
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I hope you re listening to this right now at the gym.
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Oh my God, that is a story.
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We got to do a crazy AA stories prompt.
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Cause fuck, I ve got like five of them.
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Shit goes down at AA meetings.
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Also let s do crazy stories that happen while you re listening to Armchair Anonymous about the prompt.
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It happens to you while the prompt is, while you re listening.
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We ll keep our eyes peeled for the one, the one submission for that.
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There s going to be so many.
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All right.
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Please enjoy crazy gym stories.
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Come and go, good times, take them slow My life, I had them both But one thing, you gotta know I ma keep on shining
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Hello.
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Hi.
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How are you?
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Welcome to the show.
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Thanks for having me on.
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I m so excited.
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We like your blanket tent.
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Yes.
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SPEAKER_00
Oh, thank you.
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It s a shared closet with my husband.
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We have three kids and they love their blankets.
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So it was an easy choice to decorate in here.
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What percentage of the closet is yours and which percentage is your husband s?
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Oh, it s about 50-50.
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Oh.
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He s a stellar dresser and he loves his outfits and his hats and so he takes up as much as he can and then the rest of it s mine.
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Is he a Beckham style?
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Yeah, what s his style?
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Oh, I would say kind of mountain man.
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Oh.
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Hippie mountain man.
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Hippie mountain man with some hats.
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Yeah.
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Hippie mountain man hats, what kind of hat would that be?
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Like a floppy leather hat?
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Oh, I bet like Jed wears.
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Sure.
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I can see that.
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Yeah.
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Not a cowboy hat, but like more round.
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Okay.
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Kind of a little flatter on top.
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And just to remind you, this is crazy hat stories episode.
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We ve switched the topic.
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Okay.
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You have a crazy gym story.
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I do.
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So we are going all the way back to 2005.
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Oh, wonderful.
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I am 23 years old and I m in the process of moving to New York city to pursue life as a visual artist at the
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end of college, I started getting into weightlifting and was really excited about that.
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So I didn t want to have a lapse in my gym membership.
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So as I m in the process of moving, I was researching gyms that would be close to where I was going to be working at the time.
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So I found a gym about two blocks or so from where I m working.
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So location is really great.
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The type of gym that it is is kind of one of those globo gyms, like bright colors, big energy, lots of music and noise, big windows.
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It s all about the kind of the scene there.
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What state are you moving from to New York?
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I was in Minnesota.
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Oh, okay.
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So this is a pretty big difference.
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Yeah, it is.
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So I m on the phone with membership and there was two things that this membership guy kept harping on.
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One of which was, Oh, you got to go here.
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It s Matt Damon s gym.
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Now, this is not what my story is about, unfortunately, but that was one of the selling points.
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Like, oh, people love it here because Matt Damon goes here.
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I would work out so much.
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Yeah, you d be in incredible shape.
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I would.
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I only saw him one time.
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Oh, it wasn t even a lie.
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No bait and switch.
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2005.
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Wow.
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It s peak.
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The other piece of information that was important to share was that they were open 24 hours.
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This was a 24 hour gym.
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I m going to have different schedules depending on when I m working.
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Perfect.
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So fast forward, this is my second weekend in New York, and I have a Sunday shift at my job.
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I m working retail at an art supply store a couple blocks away.
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I get out of work.
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I go up to the gym.
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It s around 630.
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I decide, you know, I m going to get a couple hours of a workout in and I m just going to stay a little longer to just have like a pamper myself, kind of shower, you know, blow dry.
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Cause my shared living experience at the time in Brooklyn, the bathroom was kind of yucko and I didn t want to spend too much time in there then.
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So took my time, did my hair.
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I was running a blow dryer in a bathroom that was
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So it s actually very loud in this bathroom.
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And the bathrooms were in the basement.
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It s about 9.15.
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I gather my stuff.
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I m starting to walk up the stairs.
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And I notice that it s pretty quiet.
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The gym music has stopped playing.
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I m not hearing people on the machines.
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I m not hearing people talking or milling around.
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And it s also pretty dark.
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Oh, God.
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My initial thought was like, oh my gosh, did the power go out?
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Oh, sure.
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Yeah.
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But no, because I was just running a hairdryer in the basement.
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So I thought, well, maybe they re closing for some reason.
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So I will walk towards the exit.
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Now, when I get to the exit, I quickly realized that they are in fact closed and I have been locked inside.
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No!
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Oh my goodness.
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This is like an eighties fun movie, but you want to be in a more fun place like a target.
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So initially I thought, you know, it s not the worst place to be locked inside.
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They have healthy snacks.
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They have a comfy couch.
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They have a shower and a bathroom.
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You know, I m not in the worst case scenario, but I really don t want to be here all night.
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Yeah.
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What are my choices?
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So
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What I was looking at out the front door was a grate that has been fully pulled down and locked.
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You re in prison now.
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Yeah.
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I thought, you know, okay, there s probably emergency exits.
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Let s go check out where those are.
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I walk around, I find one in the basement, and it has all these warnings.
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Like, if you open this door, the alarm s gonna go off.
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And I did not know
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What kind of emergency response that would incite?
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Do I wait around for them to arrive until I tell them that it was me that was locked in there?
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Am I going to somehow get in trouble for being the person that like set off this alarm?
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I m 23, so I m green in this department.
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I don t know what s going on.
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I go back upstairs and I m like looking at business cards, see if I can find somebody s cell phone number.
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Again, this is 2005.
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So it s still kind of that landline era.
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And a lot of the business cards for trainers and managers still had the number for the gym, the physical location on there.
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So of course, like I can t post to
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Twitter or Instagram to say, Hey, I m stuck in the gym.
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How do I get out?
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So I called 9-1-1.
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Uh-huh.
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Yes.
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Smart.
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That s what you like.
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I love that.
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How does bounced out that emergency door?
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No, I flip open my Nokia cell phone and I got the 9-1-1 on there.
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So I talked to the dispatcher.
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She was really nice.
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I said, you know what?
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I m not injured.
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I just happened to get locked inside this gym.
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And can you send somebody over to troubleshoot how to get out of here?
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Cause I don t want to push that alarmed door open if I don t have to.
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So she s like, yeah, no problem.
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We ll send somebody over.
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So it s maybe 30, 40 minutes.
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Kind of feels like a long time, but also, you know, I start calling my friends like, Hey, I m stuck in this gym.
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This is so wild.
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Now the gym is on Lafayette.
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So it s this very busy road.
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It s 10 something at night at this point.
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And there s people walking by.
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I mean, it s an active area.
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So the police pull up with the lights on, they get out of the car, they walk over to the door and they are just laughing.
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What have we encountered here?
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And I m of course laughing and also so embarrassed.
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At this gym, they had a vestibule.
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So you have your door from the street into a small room, and then there s a secondary door that goes into the main facility.
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So in order to talk to the police, I have to come into that vestibule area.
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And without thinking, I get in there and
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the second door locks behind me.
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So now I m really stuck in this box.
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Oh my God.
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So now I m in this glass box.
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There s pedestrians going by.
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NYPD, they re so nice.
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They said, okay, well, we have the ability to cut the bolt on this lock and we can get you out.
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And I m thinking it s like one of those big bolt cutters, like a big scissors almost.
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Yeah.
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They re just going to clip it.
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We re going to be out of here.
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And it wasn t, it was a circular saw.
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He has this mask, so he pulls the mask down.
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And it takes a little while for him to get through the bulk.
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People stopping, people whispering, like, what s going on?
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And you have nowhere to hide.
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You re just in a glass box.
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You blew out your hair, so you look kind of good.
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You got a pump.
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I have a fresh hairdo.
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I m feeling great, except for being trapped.
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So they get the bolt off, they lift the grate, I m free.
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They put a cute little pink lock back on and they left a note for the people at the gym that said something like, if you want to get back in the gym, you need to come to whatever precinct number you left somebody in here last night.
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Oh my God.
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It s like, yeah, yeah, you tell them.
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That s so funny.
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I mean, I guess they had to have a lot of safety precautions if Matt Damon goes there.
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Yeah, obviously security has got to be heightened.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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So that s also where I was so confused about, you know, this guy on the phone told me it s a 24 hour gym.
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So if for whatever reason they re closing, wouldn t there be somebody walking around to do checks?
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SPEAKER_00
Also, it s not like you were taking a nap in a locker, you were running a hairdryer.
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SPEAKER_02
Yeah, it was very obvious that there was still a person down there.
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You got to hand it to him for clearing out so quickly.
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SPEAKER_00
You would think it would take at least an hour to get the personnel out of there and everything.
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That was also very mysterious because I came upstairs just a few minutes after closing and everybody was gone.
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They re in a mad dash to get to the bar.
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So I m thinking, okay, I m going to come back the next day while this is fresh and I m going to stand my ground and say how worried I was.
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And I went up to one of the managers and I said, Hey, I m the girl that got locked in here last night.
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We need to have a talk about this.
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Like what s going on.
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You guys are supposed to be open 24 hours.
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And he says, well, we are open 24 hours except for Sundays.
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We close at nine o clock.
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SPEAKER_00
Oh, on Sundays.
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So his whole position was, it was listed there, sorry this happened.
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It still doesn t answer for why they didn t see you.
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Well, he said, well, what do you want out of this?
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So New York.
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SPEAKER_02
I know.
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And I was like, well, maybe you can prorate my week of membership.
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SPEAKER_02
You know, just something to say you re sorry.
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And I did bring up like a safety issue of I could have had a medical accident.
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SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
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SPEAKER_02
I passed out in the shower.
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What s your protocol to make sure that people are OK?
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and out of your building. 
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And he said, well, I m really sorry this happened.
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You know, I can t give you any money off your membership, but I can offer you a smoothie.
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And so he kind of does this weird, like, puts his arm around my shoulder and kind of corrals me over to the smoothie area to present me with a smoothie coupon for my troubles.
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It was really kind of gross.
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SPEAKER_02
Oh my god, yeah.
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For 15 years after the fact, how old do you think that manager was, if we re being generous?
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SPEAKER_02
Probably early thirties.
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SPEAKER_00
Oh, okay.
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SPEAKER_00
Cause you know, sometimes these places they re run by 21 year olds too and they don t give a fuck about anything.
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SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_03
I worked at SoulCycle.
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Yeah, you were running the joint.
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SPEAKER_03
And I was the key holder.
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SPEAKER_03
So I was that person.
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What would you have done if someone got locked in SoulCycle?
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SPEAKER_00
Would you have been like, wait, did you get out?
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SPEAKER_00
Okay.
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SPEAKER_03
I would have been like, why didn t you notice this is on you?
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SPEAKER_03
I would have gaslit them.
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SPEAKER_00
Right, right.
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SPEAKER_03
I m just kidding.
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SPEAKER_03
I was such a good employee.
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SPEAKER_03
I would never have left someone in there.
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SPEAKER_00
Did you do a sweep of the place whenever you closed?
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SPEAKER_00
You had to.
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SPEAKER_00
You had to.
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SPEAKER_00
It was protocol.
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SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
Okay.
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SPEAKER_00
Well, these people aren t soul cycle material apparently.
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SPEAKER_03
Exactly.
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SPEAKER_03
They would have never cut it there.
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SPEAKER_00
So Amy, how long did you stay at that gym?
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I would say I stayed probably another couple of weeks because the fallout of this was every time I d come in, it seemed that the word had gotten around that it was me that got locked in because the staff, you know, people would be like, Oh, kind of whispering to themselves off in the corner.
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Like, Oh, that s me.
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just thought, it s time to go somewhere else.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_03
I wonder if the story made its way to Matt Damon, like when he worked out and his trainer was probably like, oh my God, something really funny happened.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah, probably.
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SPEAKER_03
Maybe he knows.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
I doubt he had a trainer though.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
He seems like me, like he s more self-motivated.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah, he s cool.
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SPEAKER_03
Next time we have him on, I m gonna ask him.
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SPEAKER_00
if he remembers this, Jim.
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SPEAKER_00
This is a little bit of ageism the other way you never hear about, which is like, young people are easily dismissed.
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SPEAKER_00
If you were a 41-year-old woman and you came to the desk and talked to that person.
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SPEAKER_02
Like me now.
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SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
In fact, you should try to get yourself locked in there again and then repeat this all.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, because they would ve thought you would sue, but you definitely wouldn t sue as like a 20-something.
1
SPEAKER_00
No, you re too hungover and busy chasing boys and stuff.
1
SPEAKER_03
Couldn t do it in your hair.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, couldn t do it in your blowouts.
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, Amy, thank you for telling us that story.
1
SPEAKER_00
We re glad you made it alive.
1
SPEAKER_00
And yeah, I just would have absolutely kicked that door open because it s on them.
1
SPEAKER_03
I guess that s true.
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SPEAKER_00
It s like they put you in this position.
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SPEAKER_00
I don t give a fuck if your alarm goes off.
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SPEAKER_00
And if the cops come, I go, yeah, they locked me in.
1
SPEAKER_03
I would have been scared too.
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SPEAKER_03
I don t know why.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, those alarms are deterrents.
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SPEAKER_03
Thanks for sharing.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, thank you, Amy.
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SPEAKER_02
Thanks so much for having me, guys.
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SPEAKER_00
Okay, take care.
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SPEAKER_02
Bye.
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SPEAKER_02
Bye.
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SPEAKER_01
I think all these are meet-cutes now.
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SPEAKER_01
Like the police officer or the manager at the gym.
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SPEAKER_01
It would be great.
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SPEAKER_03
Maybe the guy wanted it to be a meet-cute because he put that note.
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SPEAKER_00
He used a pink lock.
1
SPEAKER_00
That was a very flirty thing to do.
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SPEAKER_03
Hello.
1
SPEAKER_00
Hi, how are you?
1
SPEAKER_00
Is this Nick?
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SPEAKER_00
This is, yes.
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SPEAKER_00
I love that we re in your bedroom or a guest bedroom.
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SPEAKER_00
Just, I like that we re in a bedroom.
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SPEAKER_00
We re rarely in a bedroom with anyone.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s funny, about five minutes ago, I was in my daughter s bedroom, which is a little smaller and probably better for the sound.
1
SPEAKER_01
And our neighbor across the street is doing a construction project and just whipped up their drywall mixer.
1
SPEAKER_01
Do you live across the street from me?
1
SPEAKER_01
In the last five minutes, I ve been frantic.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh no.
1
SPEAKER_01
I brought blankets in and comfy pillows.
1
SPEAKER_00
No, you re in an ideal room already.
1
SPEAKER_00
There s a lot of soft fabrics around you.
1
SPEAKER_00
You don t want to be close to walls.
1
SPEAKER_00
Shockingly, that s the echo chamber.
1
SPEAKER_00
So you re golden.
1
SPEAKER_00
You re wearing a soft sweatshirt, a hoodie.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s going to help.
1
SPEAKER_00
You have a little bit of stubble that s going to break up the sound waves.
1
SPEAKER_00
Right.
1
SPEAKER_00
Where are you at Nick?
1
SPEAKER_00
Sonoma County, California.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
Are you in any tangential way associated with the wine industry?
1
SPEAKER_01
I have been, I was working in the wine industry for almost 20 years.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, look at that.
1
SPEAKER_00
Were you a sales rep?
1
SPEAKER_00
Were you a vintner?
1
SPEAKER_00
What were you?
1
SPEAKER_00
I worked in marketing, social media.
1
SPEAKER_00
And are you ever over at Sonoma Raceway?
1
SPEAKER_00
I m not.
1
SPEAKER_00
I had a feeling you d ask me about that.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s the site of my huge crash that caused all the surgeries.
1
SPEAKER_00
So what are you doing now?
1
SPEAKER_01
So now I work at our regional food bank called the Redwood Empire Food Bank, and I do grant writing and corporate partnerships.
1
SPEAKER_00
Busy time of year?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, we do half of our fundraising between Thanksgiving and New Year s.
1
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, thanks for taking the time to tell us your crazy gym story.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m sure you re busy.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, we re excited.
1
SPEAKER_00
Hit us.
1
SPEAKER_00
Where does this take place?
1
SPEAKER_00
Are we in Sonoma?
1
SPEAKER_00
Does Sonoma have gyms?
1
SPEAKER_01
We do.
1
SPEAKER_01
This takes place in a little town called Windsor, just north of Santa Rosa.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s the home of Charles Schultz.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s right.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
Charles Schultz Museum, home of Peanuts.
1
SPEAKER_00
And they had a nice pageant for a while, but that s been gotten rid of.
1
SPEAKER_00
You re so... I m sorry, Nick.
1
SPEAKER_03
I just want to hear it.
1
SPEAKER_00
I know, but I want to get a rhythm going, Nick.
1
SPEAKER_00
I know.
1
SPEAKER_00
This is foreplay.
1
SPEAKER_00
I want to join sexual energies.
1
SPEAKER_00
You could last foreplay so much.
1
SPEAKER_00
Whatever.
1
SPEAKER_00
Do they do ice skating there anymore?
1
SPEAKER_00
No.
1
SPEAKER_00
They have an ice skating rink.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
Charlie Brown, important person.
1
SPEAKER_00
Vince Garaldi.
1
SPEAKER_00
The holidays.
1
SPEAKER_01
Tis the season.
1
SPEAKER_00
Tis the season.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
Sorry.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s January 2000.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m 18 years old.
1
SPEAKER_01
In between my semesters at my freshman year of college, I was going to the junior college here in town.
1
SPEAKER_01
Most of my friends had already left to go back to their schools.
1
SPEAKER_01
Some post-holiday blues, post-Y2K excitement.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
New Year s resolution.
1
SPEAKER_00
What was that?
1
SPEAKER_00
New Year s resolution.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, it s going to the gym?
1
SPEAKER_00
This is relevant to the gym!
1
SPEAKER_00
I just love him!
1
SPEAKER_00
I hate Monica.
1
SPEAKER_00
Do you need a co-host?
1
SPEAKER_00
Do you need a new co-host, Nick?
1
SPEAKER_03
I m a veil.
1
SPEAKER_03
OK, go on.
1
SPEAKER_01
So I was just kind of moping around the house and my sister lived at home.
1
SPEAKER_01
She was a little bit older than me and she loved going to the gym.
1
SPEAKER_01
So she dragged me to the gym one day.
1
SPEAKER_01
Put on, you know, new pair of warm up pants that I had, a big hooded sweatshirt.
1
SPEAKER_01
Exactly what I thought someone who would go to the gym would wear, you know, but not at all.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s not a very big gym.
1
SPEAKER_01
It was the first time I d ever been to a public gym.
1
SPEAKER_01
They kind of had the check area and the machines kind of in the front and then tucked in the back were a few treadmills and all the free weights.
1
SPEAKER_01
So we went in, hopped up on a couple of the treadmills to do a little warm up.
1
SPEAKER_01
We were jogging for a few minutes and my sister, she hopped off and went to go do like her routine, whatever she was going to do.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I decided to stay on the treadmill.
1
SPEAKER_01
I did a little running in high school, so
1
SPEAKER_01
Started building my confidence a little bit, putting up the speed, trying to get familiar with, you know, being on a treadmill.
1
SPEAKER_01
You know, probably five minutes go by and I m going pretty fast and feeling good.
1
SPEAKER_01
Of course, I ve got lined sweatpants on and a big hooded sweatshirt, so I m getting hot.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m way overdressed.
1
SPEAKER_01
Decide I need to take my sweatshirt off.
1
SPEAKER_01
The thought does not even cross my mind to like stop the treadmill, take my sweatshirt off and start up again.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m going to just go ahead and try and take my sweatshirt off while I m on the treadmill.
1
SPEAKER_00
Absolutely.
1
SPEAKER_00
I can see myself making the same call.
1
SPEAKER_03
Well, yeah, you can t stop.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
You know that move in the car where you re driving and you take a sweatshirt off or something and you can kind of do it real quick.
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, can I tell you, Nick, the first thing I thought of when you painted this picture was how many times I ve taken a hoodie off in the car and then miscalculated and realized, like, I don t have either arm now and I m driving with my knee.
1
SPEAKER_00
And that s exactly what happened here.
1
SPEAKER_00
I got one arm out.
1
SPEAKER_00
Hold that neck.
1
SPEAKER_00
And sorry, Monica.
1
SPEAKER_00
Are there any girls around?
1
SPEAKER_00
Had you locked eyes with anyone and had anything in your mind going like, Oh, I see you and you see me?
1
SPEAKER_01
No, if anything, I wanted to be anonymous.
1
SPEAKER_01
I was pretty shy kid.
1
SPEAKER_01
Luckily it wasn t very busy.
1
SPEAKER_01
I was kind of off on my own, you know, got one arm out of the sweatshirt, pulled the sweatshirt over my head.
1
SPEAKER_01
And that was when I lost sight for the first time.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, and immediately stopped.
2
SPEAKER_01
feet and fly off the back of the truck.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, no.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I wish it would have ended there.
2
SPEAKER_01
And that would have been fine.
2
SPEAKER_01
I probably would have been OK.
2
SPEAKER_01
But the way this gym was set up was that, you know, it was 2000.
2
SPEAKER_01
It was pre flat screen TV.
2
SPEAKER_01
So the TVs were hanging on the ceiling and they were the big tube TVs and they were down the middle of the gym.
2
SPEAKER_01
So the treadmills were turned to face the middle of the gym backed against a wall.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, oh, no.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay, okay, okay bounced off the wall landed back in the treadmill
2
SPEAKER_01
Back on the wall.
2
SPEAKER_01
Wait, what?
2
SPEAKER_01
No, no, no, no, no.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m basically like in a dryer and a tumble cycle is kind of what it felt like.
2
SPEAKER_01
Are you still blinded by the sweatshirt?
2
SPEAKER_01
Completely blinded.
2
SPEAKER_01
Sweatshirt completely halfway over my head.
2
SPEAKER_01
Can t see anything.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m just kind of bouncing back and forth between the treadmill and the wall over and over again.
2
SPEAKER_03
This is like an America s Funniest Home Video.
2
SPEAKER_02
Or even a Simpsons cartoon, like Homer Simpson on a treadmill.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_01
So, you know, eventually I hear my sister screaming, not really helping, but she s screaming from the other side of the room, you know, somebody help.
2
SPEAKER_01
All this is happening so fast.
2
SPEAKER_01
It was probably only 30 seconds, but it feels like 10 minutes that I m just bouncing back and forth between treadmill and wall.
2
SPEAKER_01
Eventually somebody came and stopped the treadmill.
2
SPEAKER_01
I took inventory outside of my torn warmup pants.
2
SPEAKER_03
Oh no, this is so sad.
2
SPEAKER_01
Your warmup pants tore?
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh yeah, total rug burn.
2
SPEAKER_03
Oh my God.
2
SPEAKER_02
You re lucky they stayed on.
2
SPEAKER_02
You could have been in your skivvies.
2
SPEAKER_02
I imagine also people helping pull the hoodie off of you.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I feel fortunate that it wasn t too busy.
2
SPEAKER_01
There wasn t that many people there.
2
SPEAKER_01
I pretty much left immediately after that.
2
SPEAKER_01
I was like, I ll wait in the car while you finish your workout.
2
SPEAKER_01
Not hanging out anymore.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m done with the workout.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m never, ever going to exercise again.
2
SPEAKER_01
I have a feeling that people who work there probably had that on security footage and probably got a real charge.
2
SPEAKER_03
Oh, they probably watched that over and over and over again.
2
SPEAKER_02
It was shown to many, many people.
2
SPEAKER_03
Did they have at that time on the treadmills, the pole, you know, now they have that probably, but no one ever hooks themselves.
2
SPEAKER_03
Oh, cause yeah, you re supposed to wear it.
2
SPEAKER_02
But nobody does.
2
SPEAKER_02
No one s ever going to wear that thing.
2
SPEAKER_02
And this is why you re supposed to wear it.
2
SPEAKER_02
What was the extent of the injuries when you got in the car and the adrenaline subsided?
2
SPEAKER_02
Did you start feeling like, Oh, I got my ass kicked by that thing.
2
SPEAKER_01
I was pretty sore the next day.
2
SPEAKER_01
Burned up knees a little bit, but more bruised ego than anything.
2
SPEAKER_03
Oh my God.
2
SPEAKER_02
It s like falling onto a belt sander.
2
SPEAKER_03
If I was your sister, I d come across the room like, HELP!
2
SPEAKER_01
CALL 911!
2
SPEAKER_01
I called her last night to kind of corroborate the story and she was like, what I remember is I was working out and all of a sudden I hear this big thud and then I turn around and I see her arms flailing around on the treadmill.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh my gosh.
2
SPEAKER_03
I really want to see this ping pong person.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_02
I wonder if you thought maybe it was rolling too.
2
SPEAKER_02
There could have been some.
2
SPEAKER_02
Right.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_03
Wow.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh, Nick.
2
SPEAKER_02
I m glad you survived that.
2
SPEAKER_02
Luckily nobody got too hurt.
2
SPEAKER_03
Well, that was fun.
2
SPEAKER_02
What a great story.
2
SPEAKER_02
I m sorry that happened to you.
2
SPEAKER_02
You really went through the spin cycle, as you said.
2
SPEAKER_01
I really did.
2
SPEAKER_01
Did you revisit exercise?
2
SPEAKER_01
I have, stayed outside for my running.
2
SPEAKER_01
Sure.
2
SPEAKER_02
For a while, did not jump on a treadmill for many years.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, at least when you fall down there, you stay put.
2
SPEAKER_03
Exactly, unless there s an earthquake.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, or you fall in a ravine and then you, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
I wouldn t say I m the most graceful person either, so I ve been known to trip just on the sidewalk.
2
SPEAKER_02
You re terribly cute though.
2
SPEAKER_02
I think it works perfectly with what you re presenting.
2
SPEAKER_02
Thank you.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, you have kind of a Steve Carell.
2
SPEAKER_02
He s got a sweetness.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, I don t know, Steve Carell.
2
SPEAKER_02
Steve Carell-ness.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_02
Who do people tell you you look like?
2
SPEAKER_02
Munchie Cheese.
2
SPEAKER_02
You ever heard of those guys?
2
SPEAKER_02
Munchie Cheese, Munchie Cheese, they re so soft and cuddly.
2
SPEAKER_02
Munchie Cheese, Munchie Cheese.
2
SPEAKER_03
You know, we used to call Delta Munchie Cheese.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, we did.
2
SPEAKER_02
I think she had a Munchie Cheese.
2
SPEAKER_03
She did, she had a little one.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_02
I don t get a lot of prompts to celebrities that I can think of.
2
SPEAKER_03
Tell people Steve Carell.
2
SPEAKER_01
You just start telling people, you know who I look like.
2
SPEAKER_01
I do need to give a quick shout out to my daughter, Grace, and my son, Sam.
2
SPEAKER_01
I let them listen to a very choice few of these.
2
SPEAKER_02
Did they like the story of the man decomposing at brunch in Canada?
2
SPEAKER_01
We haven t heard that one yet.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, God.
2
SPEAKER_02
You should use that as punishment.
2
SPEAKER_02
If one of them fucks up, you re like, you get in that room and you listen to that nine minutes.
2
SPEAKER_02
And you listen to it over and over again.
2
SPEAKER_02
I ll bookmark that one for later.
2
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_02
We ll give our love to your babies.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_02
Thanks for sharing.
2
SPEAKER_02
Take care.
2
SPEAKER_02
That one got you.
2
SPEAKER_02
I loved seeing how much that got you.
2
SPEAKER_02
You were really giggling.
2
SPEAKER_02
Did you have any pee in your pants?
2
SPEAKER_02
What if I got self-conscious that I wasn t laughing as hard, so then I decided, I ll pee my pants a little bit, because then I can say, oh, I was laughing so hard, I peed my pants.
2
SPEAKER_03
That is something you would do.
2
SPEAKER_03
Is it?
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, I think.
2
SPEAKER_02
Just have an excuse to pee my pants.
2
SPEAKER_02
Hello.
2
SPEAKER_03
Hello.
2
SPEAKER_03
Oh my God.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh my God, this is so.
2
SPEAKER_02
You look so much.
2
SPEAKER_02
What are you gonna say?
2
SPEAKER_03
Well, you were gonna say Mary Steenburgen.
2
SPEAKER_03
Nope.
2
SPEAKER_02
Close, Mary Lou Henner.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh.
2
SPEAKER_02
With the super memory.
2
SPEAKER_00
I ve gotten that one other time in my life.
2
SPEAKER_00
You have.
2
SPEAKER_00
What?
2
SPEAKER_00
At an airport.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m not gonna tell you where because then it ll give away where I am.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_02
Your location, because you want to remain... Well, what s crazy is the name also that you gave us, your code name, your pseudonym, your nom de plur, is... Mary.
2
SPEAKER_02
Mary.
2
SPEAKER_03
That s so simp.
2
SPEAKER_02
I think you re more Mary than you know you re more Mary.
2
SPEAKER_03
Wow.
2
SPEAKER_02
And then you had a Mary, too.
2
SPEAKER_03
Mary Steenburgen.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, also very Mary Steenburgen.
2
SPEAKER_03
Do you get that?
2
SPEAKER_03
No, I ll take it.
2
SPEAKER_03
This is so simp because we put out a quilt episode today of Flightless Bird and you have a quilt hanging up.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh, boy.
2
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
2
SPEAKER_00
I was trying to make it insulated in here.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m actually in my closet, which is at the start of the scene of the crime of my story.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, really?
2
SPEAKER_00
It s really bringing me back to seven years ago.
2
SPEAKER_02
I m so excited.
2
SPEAKER_02
Okay, so 2016.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_00
Cold morning.
2
SPEAKER_02
I know you don t want to tell us where you re at specifically, but I do need a region of the country.
2
SPEAKER_00
Middle of the country.
2
SPEAKER_00
So all the seasons, it happened to be winter.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I was on the phone with a friend, pretty distracted.
2
SPEAKER_00
I was thinking I was late to my yoga class and I was rushing to get ready.
2
SPEAKER_00
I was in my closet and I quickly put on my long jacket, put on my pants, talking to my friend.
2
SPEAKER_00
rushing out the door to catch this yoga class.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I had been going to yoga on and off for 12 years.
2
SPEAKER_00
I was at this studio for a little over a year at this point, and I would always go to the morning class.
2
SPEAKER_02
Well, I gotta ask Monica protocol right now.
2
SPEAKER_00
What?
2
SPEAKER_02
Okay, I feel like I know what happens, but I know you don t want me to guess.
2
SPEAKER_02
But can I whisper it to you?
2
SPEAKER_03
Sure.
2
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_03
Oh, okay.
2
SPEAKER_03
He guessed something, but yeah, I don t like when he spoils.
2
SPEAKER_02
But she doesn t like when I guess, so, but I... But he has to.
2
SPEAKER_02
This is like the best I can do control wise.
2
SPEAKER_00
I get into the yoga class.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s a hot yoga class.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I m in the locker room.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m still rushing to get ready to talking to my friend on the phone.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I quickly hang up with her, take off my jacket, grab my yoga mat, head into the studio.
2
SPEAKER_00
I find the studio is empty.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I m like, well, I m not late.
2
SPEAKER_00
So let me just roll out my mat here.
2
SPEAKER_00
Relax, get ready for the class.
2
SPEAKER_00
And this particular room is set up where it s just like a long rectangle and there s a door in the back and it s kind of off to the far right.
2
SPEAKER_00
And it opens up and there s a mirror in front of you.
2
SPEAKER_00
And so I put my mat down pretty much like right in front of the door.
2
SPEAKER_00
I always just get into child s pose for the beginning of class.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like I don t want to see anyone.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t want to talk to anyone.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m just in my child s pose.
2
SPEAKER_00
So that s what I do.
2
SPEAKER_02
Really quick remind us is that you re on your knees and you re leaned forward with your palms on the ground.
2
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I m facing towards the mirror and my back is towards the door.
2
SPEAKER_00
People are filing in.
2
SPEAKER_00
Maybe it s five minutes, but now the room s full of about probably 30 people.
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, this particular class, everyone s like lined up right next to each other.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s filled.
2
SPEAKER_00
And as I m still in child s pose, just kind of getting ready for the instructor to give us the next direction here, I get this tap on my shoulder and I look back and there s this woman, beautiful gray hair.
2
SPEAKER_00
kind eyes and she just looks at me and she says, ma am, I think you have a hole in your pants.
2
SPEAKER_00
I knew immediately what happened because I had just gotten a puppy, and my puppy dog, I don t know why they do this, but they eat the crotches out of your pants.
2
SPEAKER_02
Well, because there s pheromones in there.
2
SPEAKER_02
Sick.
2
SPEAKER_00
So, I knew immediately what happened, and I knew immediately I wasn t wearing underwear.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, baby.
2
SPEAKER_00
I quickly got my yoga mat, wrapped it up, threw on my jacket, headed out the door.
2
SPEAKER_00
My drive home was like five minutes.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m crying because it was just mortifying.
2
SPEAKER_00
I get home and I m thinking it s a certain size of hole because I ve seen her
3
SPEAKER_01
to do this before?
3
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, in your mind, give us a- Yeah, what d you think?
3
SPEAKER_04
Dollar bill, a quarter.
3
SPEAKER_01
I knew it was gonna be bad.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, I was thinking like a tennis ball.
3
SPEAKER_04
A tennis ball.
3
SPEAKER_04
Oh.
3
SPEAKER_04
You can see a lot.
3
SPEAKER_01
What I wasn t envisioning was assless chaps.
3
SPEAKER_05
The whole back.
3
SPEAKER_04
Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
3
SPEAKER_04
This is so perfect because you are by the door so every single person who entered looked down and saw.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like I m talking my entire, entire middle of my pants.
3
SPEAKER_04
You couldn t have splayed yourself more.
3
SPEAKER_04
No.
3
SPEAKER_01
Wow!
3
SPEAKER_01
I guess, yeah, you wouldn t have felt it.
3
SPEAKER_01
I feel like I would have.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s the thing.
3
SPEAKER_01
I ve never done this in my life.
3
SPEAKER_01
And the first time I did this, I put my jacket, I had a long puffer jacket on, and then I put my pants on and I was distracted on the phone.
3
SPEAKER_04
Multitasking.
3
SPEAKER_01
I was multitasking and rushing.
3
SPEAKER_01
And then I get to a hot, sweaty room, taking off my jacket, I still didn t feel like a breeze of air.
3
SPEAKER_01
It was like the perfect scenario leading up to this.
3
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
3
SPEAKER_01
And then child s pose.
3
SPEAKER_02
Oh, that s nice lady.
3
SPEAKER_02
I m so glad she said, like, you could have gone through the whole class.
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, I think I would have seen it at some point, but I m mortified because A, I feel like people recognize me at the class.
3
SPEAKER_01
And then the other thing was, I immediately went to, I m sure they were wondering what person in their right mind would not know they had that big of a hole in their pants.
3
SPEAKER_01
So therefore, did they think that I was like,
3
SPEAKER_01
trying to get my rocks off.
3
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, an exhibitionist, yes.
3
SPEAKER_01
I would have thought that, sorry.
3
SPEAKER_04
Yes, I too.
3
SPEAKER_04
And you know when it would have occurred to you, is when you got on your butt for something, you would have felt the rubber.
3
SPEAKER_01
You d have been like, ow.
3
SPEAKER_04
You d have been like, why is my, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
I thought about that.
3
SPEAKER_01
Ow, why is my full-on?
3
SPEAKER_01
I just went right into child s pose, I know.
3
SPEAKER_04
Wow.
3
SPEAKER_04
I mean, I hate this for you, but I m so happy for everyone else.
3
SPEAKER_02
Was the front covered?
3
SPEAKER_04
Think about child s pose.
3
SPEAKER_04
It s all vagina and.
3
SPEAKER_02
No, she said assless chaps.
3
SPEAKER_04
Right.
3
SPEAKER_02
It was all of it.
3
SPEAKER_02
Oh, vagina was showing too?
3
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
3
SPEAKER_04
And more importantly, anus.
3
SPEAKER_02
Let s be honest.
3
SPEAKER_02
Worse for me would be vagina.
3
SPEAKER_04
Than anus?
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_02
See, I m the opposite.
3
SPEAKER_02
Same, same, Mary.
3
SPEAKER_02
I ve had kids, so vaginas.
3
SPEAKER_02
But not in a yoga studio you didn t have kids that I know of.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I haven t been to yoga since.
3
SPEAKER_01
I used to go all the time.
3
SPEAKER_01
You really haven t been since?
3
SPEAKER_01
I just have no desire.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, it killed your spirit.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it really did.
3
SPEAKER_04
That answers several of my follow-up questions all at once, which is when you returned, did you notice people were more interested in chatting you up, like needing to get more info?
3
SPEAKER_01
I will never know.
3
SPEAKER_04
You ll never know.
3
SPEAKER_04
Oh, Mary.
3
SPEAKER_04
I don t like this.
3
SPEAKER_04
I feel like you gotta get back on that horse.
3
SPEAKER_02
No, I think you made the right decision.
3
SPEAKER_02
You do?
3
SPEAKER_02
Because it was an omen.
3
SPEAKER_02
It was like an omen and a prophecy.
3
SPEAKER_04
No, she loved child s pose.
3
SPEAKER_04
Do you do yoga at home?
3
SPEAKER_02
I do.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_04
You don t even need your outfit for in home.
3
SPEAKER_01
Do whatever.
3
SPEAKER_04
You were married at the time?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
3
SPEAKER_01
Only a few people know this story.
3
SPEAKER_01
My husband knows and I called him in the car crying.
3
SPEAKER_01
He thought I like got in a car wreck and killed somebody.
3
SPEAKER_01
It was just so mortifying, and I ve had a lot of embarrassing moments, but this one was chosen.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s really specific.
3
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, I mean, it s so, you just can t get more exposed than Child s Pose.
3
SPEAKER_01
And it was for a long period of time.
3
SPEAKER_01
Right.
3
SPEAKER_04
You had lost yourself in the pose.
3
SPEAKER_01
Thank God you didn t fart.
3
SPEAKER_04
Oh my God.
3
SPEAKER_04
If I had said that, you d be so mad at me, but I m so glad you said it.
3
SPEAKER_04
I m allowed.
3
SPEAKER_04
Thank you for saying it, I guess.
3
SPEAKER_04
It was more of a thank you.
3
SPEAKER_04
Okay, wait, I have another question, of course.
3
SPEAKER_02
Oh no, we gotta let Mary go.
3
SPEAKER_04
Were there men in the class?
3
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
3
SPEAKER_02
Oh, it was probably half.
3
SPEAKER_02
Oh, what if like, okay.
3
SPEAKER_02
What if you notice all the men that were in front started to move their mats to behind you?
3
SPEAKER_04
I mean, I would have walked in.
3
SPEAKER_04
I saw it and I d be like, huh?
3
SPEAKER_04
I don t like it up here.
3
SPEAKER_04
And I would have done a whole like pantomime.
3
SPEAKER_04
I mean, that was something was uncomfortable up here.
3
SPEAKER_04
Oh, it s drafty up here.
3
SPEAKER_04
Oh, it s much more.
3
SPEAKER_04
And I d be vocalizing.
3
SPEAKER_04
Oh, much warmer in back.
3
SPEAKER_04
I live for the heat.
3
SPEAKER_01
I just bolted.
3
SPEAKER_01
I did not even look around.
3
SPEAKER_01
You covered it with your yoga mat.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
Smile.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I made a, like a towel.
3
SPEAKER_01
Burrito.
3
SPEAKER_04
Now there s one other thought I might have, and this is not positive.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_04
I might ve thought like she s in threadbare clothes and maybe she s living on the street.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, unhoused.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
With my Lululemon yoga mat.
3
SPEAKER_04
Well, I wouldn t, I don t know a lot about the yoga mats, but if I just saw like some very frayed and torn.
3
SPEAKER_02
But it s just like, everything looks good except that one area.
3
SPEAKER_02
That s true.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, if only I had a tattered.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, if only.
3
SPEAKER_04
I m just, that would be the other option I would go to.
3
SPEAKER_04
It s like, oh, this person s a little out of their mind and they re.
3
SPEAKER_02
Or like, yeah, a drug addict.
3
SPEAKER_04
Who loves yoga, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_04
Which there does seem to be some overlap there.
3
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, sure.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh wow, that was fun.
3
SPEAKER_01
Thanks, Mary.
3
SPEAKER_01
I love that.
3
SPEAKER_01
Thank you guys, this was fun.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m glad to get it out there anonymously.
3
SPEAKER_01
I think I m ready to get off.
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, thank you so much for sharing.
3
SPEAKER_04
Yes, thank you.
3
SPEAKER_02
Okay, you guys take care.
3
SPEAKER_02
Happy holidays.
3
SPEAKER_02
You too.
3
SPEAKER_04
Bye-bye.
3
SPEAKER_02
Oh no, that unraveled.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_02
Things are unraveling.
3
SPEAKER_02
I need to buy my sweatshirt.
3
SPEAKER_03
I can t believe more people didn t tell her.
3
SPEAKER_03
If that room filled up,
3
SPEAKER_02
Well, Rob, would you ever have told her?
3
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, I would ve.
3
SPEAKER_02
You would ve?
3
SPEAKER_03
I would ve let them know, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_03
What do you think it was, I would think it s intentional.
3
SPEAKER_02
Right.
3
SPEAKER_03
30 people though?
3
SPEAKER_04
Like if a guy opens up his raincoat in the park and he s bare naked, do you think you need to tell him, hey, you re naked?
3
SPEAKER_04
You re going, this is his kink.
3
SPEAKER_04
If it s a hole in the pants.
3
SPEAKER_04
It sounds like it was the entire, it was all open.
3
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_02
I just feel like I know you and that you would want to say something but you wouldn t.
3
SPEAKER_02
And I think that s what most people in the room probably felt like.
3
SPEAKER_02
Like, should I?
3
SPEAKER_03
If I knew it was an accident.
3
SPEAKER_02
But how would you know?
3
SPEAKER_02
She s a stranger.
3
SPEAKER_03
A hole in the pants at a yoga place that probably costs a decent amount to be.
3
SPEAKER_02
It just sounds like it didn t look like a hole.
3
SPEAKER_02
It looked on purpose, like crotchless pants.
3
SPEAKER_04
I guess if it looked on purpose, I would not have said something.
3
SPEAKER_04
By the way, I think we already have run this experiment, because are you the type of person to not tell someone they have a booger in their nose?
3
SPEAKER_04
Exactly.
3
SPEAKER_04
I bet you don t.
3
SPEAKER_03
No, because I would feel embarrassed for them if I told them.
3
SPEAKER_04
Well, that s the same scenario.
3
SPEAKER_02
This is way worse.
3
SPEAKER_02
This is that type of story.
3
SPEAKER_04
I gotta tell someone the most embarrassing thing ever.
3
SPEAKER_04
I saw their anus.
3
SPEAKER_03
But if you were about to go on stage at a live show and you had a booger, I would tell you in that case.
3
SPEAKER_04
Sure.
3
SPEAKER_04
Well, that s our shared livelihood is on the line.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_04
You better tell me.
3
SPEAKER_04
You have photoshoot for this show and I ve got a huge booger hanging out.
3
SPEAKER_02
Well, I know it because, okay, one time we had someone on.
3
SPEAKER_02
And Ruv gets everyone the cream tops.
3
SPEAKER_04
Oh yes, yes.
3
SPEAKER_02
You know exactly what I m talking about.
3
SPEAKER_02
Cream tops, you can t get those for people anymore.
3
SPEAKER_02
Because if they have facial hair.
3
SPEAKER_02
It s like eating a powdered white donut.
3
SPEAKER_02
It gets stuck all in people s facial hair.
3
SPEAKER_02
And we took a picture with somebody who had it in their facial hair.
3
SPEAKER_02
And in my head I was like, if Rob doesn t fucking tell him.
3
SPEAKER_03
He s in a photo.
3
SPEAKER_03
I can tell you, though, my thought process was, I can Photoshop that out.
3
SPEAKER_03
This is not a big deal to do.
3
SPEAKER_03
You ll realize it later.
3
SPEAKER_02
I knew I wasn t going to, but I ve already declared myself as someone who never will say anything.
3
SPEAKER_02
Right.
3
SPEAKER_02
And then I didn t know what was happening with you.
3
SPEAKER_04
That I was missing it.
3
SPEAKER_02
Right, because I knew you would say.
3
SPEAKER_04
and I m so all over that kind of thing normally.
3
SPEAKER_02
Right, and then I knew Rob noticed it.
3
SPEAKER_03
Had it just been me and him, I wouldn t have told him in front of you guys, because that would have embarrassed him more, and I knew I could Photoshop it out.
3
SPEAKER_02
But then when he got in the car and looked in the mirror and saw it.
3
SPEAKER_03
He wiped it, he wiped it at some point.
3
SPEAKER_02
But then he noticed, oh, it s like, oh, I hated it.
3
SPEAKER_04
Do you think if you were with somebody, it was just two people, and then it smelled, like you would act like it was a courtesy, like, oh, I think he might have
3
SPEAKER_02
What are you talking about?
3
SPEAKER_04
Because we re saying like, we re pointing out when things are embarrassing and we need to tell the person.
3
SPEAKER_04
You re like, oh my gosh, I think you might have farted.
3
SPEAKER_04
Just so you know, I think you may have farted.
3
SPEAKER_02
There has to be a reason to tell.
3
SPEAKER_04
Because you re trying to prevent more embarrassment.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yes, exactly.
3
SPEAKER_04
So if the person didn t know, you re like, oh, you need to be a little more mindful because I think you farted.
3
SPEAKER_02
That s only embarrassing for you.
3
SPEAKER_02
The cream on the mustache is bad for him walking through the rest of the world and the picture.
3
SPEAKER_02
And I did think that too.
3
SPEAKER_02
I was like, I guess he ll just have to Photoshop that out.
3
SPEAKER_03
It happens occasionally and people usually are pretty quick to get it.
3
SPEAKER_02
We cannot keep buying those for people.
3
SPEAKER_02
They are a hazard.
3
SPEAKER_03
Josh says Madeline, so it s probably his wife s account.
3
SPEAKER_03
I ll just make sure my crotch is covered.
3
SPEAKER_03
Hi Josh.
3
SPEAKER_00
Hello.
3
SPEAKER_00
I am so Mac not smart.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I m using one of my employee s Mac books.
3
SPEAKER_00
So that s why it says your name instead of mine.
3
SPEAKER_00
Madeline.
3
SPEAKER_04
You re a PC like the commercial.
3
SPEAKER_00
I am.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
3
SPEAKER_04
Recording.
3
SPEAKER_04
There we go.
3
SPEAKER_04
Nice to meet you both.
3
SPEAKER_04
Nice to meet you.
3
SPEAKER_04
I see stained glass out the window in the corner.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
3
SPEAKER_04
Do you live directly next to a church?
3
SPEAKER_00
It might have been at one point.
3
SPEAKER_00
I work at a university.
3
SPEAKER_00
I think it s part of our law school actually.
3
SPEAKER_04
Monica just got horny.
3
SPEAKER_02
I really did.
3
SPEAKER_02
I want to teleport there right now.
3
SPEAKER_02
I love college.
4
SPEAKER_00
Beautiful.
4
SPEAKER_01
So you have a crazy gym story.
4
SPEAKER_00
I do.
4
SPEAKER_00
This took place back in 2011.
4
SPEAKER_00
I was living in Toledo, Ohio at the time, which was my hometown.
4
SPEAKER_00
Wait, you re from Toledo.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m from Toledo.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, you know, U.S.
4
SPEAKER_01
23 runs through there, right?
4
SPEAKER_01
Sure does.
4
SPEAKER_01
So I lived like four miles off of U.S.
4
SPEAKER_01
23, about 50 miles north of you.
4
SPEAKER_00
I was right at the line, so I was like two miles south of Lambertville.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh yeah, and I even had a girlfriend down there in Toledo, Jenny Lesnowitz.
4
SPEAKER_01
Met her in Cancun on spring break and I went down to visit her a few times.
4
SPEAKER_01
Was she at the gym?
4
SPEAKER_00
I wish it was her.
4
SPEAKER_00
That would have been a much better story.
4
SPEAKER_00
I was working at a gym there in Toledo all through high school.
4
SPEAKER_00
I d gotten hired, I think, like my sophomore year.
4
SPEAKER_00
It was a good high school job.
4
SPEAKER_00
Started off as a lifeguard, became a swimming instructor there.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then my senior year of high school, they promoted me to do the front desk membership sales, things like that.
4
SPEAKER_00
So it paid a little bit better.
4
SPEAKER_00
It was a fun time.
4
SPEAKER_00
We always had regulars that you would see.
4
SPEAKER_00
By that many years, you knew who came in at what times, how long they would be there for, and what their preferred workout was.
4
SPEAKER_00
We had this one elderly gentleman for the story.
4
SPEAKER_00
I ll name him Rupert.
4
SPEAKER_00
Good choice.
4
SPEAKER_00
Not the friendliest fellow.
4
SPEAKER_00
He would come in right before closing and he would stay forever.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so you knew if you were closing the building that day, you re like, shoot, I m just not going to get out of here until 40, 50 minutes past closing because Rupert s in here.
4
SPEAKER_01
But really quick, what a bizarre policy.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s like a restaurant.
4
SPEAKER_01
If you arrive before the door closes, I feel like everyone should be out by the closing time.
4
SPEAKER_01
What an insane policy.
4
SPEAKER_01
What have you had a two hour workout?
4
SPEAKER_00
It was not the policy, but I think when you re 70 plus, you just don t care.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so like, I would come over the loudspeaker and be like, hello guests, we re closing in 20 minutes, please wrap up your workouts.
4
SPEAKER_00
He would wait until like the five minute warning.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then that s when he would go to the shower.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh, okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
It was like a 20 minute shower.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then he would be like, how long can I walk around the locker room naked?
4
SPEAKER_00
And he d come in to kind of like close down the locker room and he was toweling off.
4
SPEAKER_02
Ew, I hate him.
4
SPEAKER_01
Monica, there s a lot of that.
4
SPEAKER_01
There s always guys posted up endlessly drying themselves.
4
SPEAKER_00
Especially that decade, it s just like as much as he could expose himself and felt like.
4
SPEAKER_00
It was the summer after I graduated high school.
4
SPEAKER_00
So it was my last shift, like mid-August.
4
SPEAKER_00
I was moving away to college the very next day.
4
SPEAKER_00
I was clocking out for the last time.
4
SPEAKER_00
So most of the guests were coming in to say goodbye to me.
4
SPEAKER_00
Some brought me some cards because I d been there for a while.
4
SPEAKER_00
He comes in, we closed at 5 p.m.
4
SPEAKER_00
on that Saturday, and he comes in at like 3.30 or so, and I m like, shoot, Rupert s here.
4
SPEAKER_00
There s no way I m getting out of here at five o clock.
4
SPEAKER_00
30 minutes goes by, and then a lady runs up to the front desk where I was working.
4
SPEAKER_00
She was like, somebody collapsed back in the aerobic studio.
4
SPEAKER_00
Somebody s on the ground.
4
SPEAKER_00
I think they need medical attention.
4
SPEAKER_00
To me, my boss, she was in the office at the time.
4
SPEAKER_00
We ran back there, and I knew, I was like, it has to be Rupert.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
Faking a stroke, but somehow also tolling himself off.
4
SPEAKER_00
We ll get there.
4
SPEAKER_00
No!
4
SPEAKER_00
Dax!
4
SPEAKER_00
And so we run back there and of course it s Rupert.
4
SPEAKER_00
Somehow he got to kind of the door of the aerobic studio.
4
SPEAKER_00
So he s like halfway out the door on the ground with his head just kind of in the hallway there.
4
SPEAKER_00
There s a lot of people around and he s fully awake.
4
SPEAKER_00
He s coherent.
4
SPEAKER_00
He s able to talk, but he can t move his arms or legs.
4
SPEAKER_00
So I think it might ve been some stroke.
4
SPEAKER_00
I never got the medical update of what actually happened.
4
SPEAKER_00
We call 911.
4
SPEAKER_00
So the paramedics are on their way.
4
SPEAKER_00
And we want to get him out of that hallway because there s dozens of guests working out.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so there was a large broom closet to the side of that hallway, linoleum floor.
4
SPEAKER_00
So me and my boss kind of dragged him essentially into the closet.
4
SPEAKER_00
to just kind of get him out of the way.
4
SPEAKER_01
This sounds like Weekend at Bernie s now.
4
SPEAKER_01
You re just putting the corpse in a closet.
4
SPEAKER_00
It felt like that.
4
SPEAKER_00
So we re kind of in there like, everything s gonna be okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
Paramedics are on their way.
4
SPEAKER_00
Do you need anything?
4
SPEAKER_00
He s doing okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then he looks up at us, me and my boss.
4
SPEAKER_00
And my boss is probably a 50 year old woman at the time.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m 18.
4
SPEAKER_00
And he goes, I need to use the bathroom.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh.
4
SPEAKER_02
Oh, I love this twist.
4
SPEAKER_00
She is very prim and proper, and she kind of like has this clutch her pearls moment.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I remember she said, she goes, I m out of here.
4
SPEAKER_00
And she turns around like on a dime and walks out the hallway.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t know, she was hoping that the paramedics would come and she was gonna go look for them.
4
SPEAKER_00
She ditched me.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God.
4
SPEAKER_00
She made the right move.
4
SPEAKER_02
No.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_01
He s 18.
4
SPEAKER_01
He s a boy.
4
SPEAKER_01
This is some guy shit.
4
SPEAKER_02
That s not a good manager.
4
SPEAKER_02
I hate her too.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
I think, is that because Josh looks a little bit like Matt Damon?
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I m protected.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
I could tell.
4
SPEAKER_00
She just made my day.
4
SPEAKER_00
She leaves, she scrams, and there s no bathroom.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s a broom closet.
4
SPEAKER_01
Did he specify whether it was one or two?
4
SPEAKER_01
No.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
Just, I need to use the bathroom.
4
SPEAKER_00
Correct.
4
SPEAKER_00
The paramedics are on their way.
4
SPEAKER_00
I kind of reiterated that.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I remember vividly, I can hear his voice still.
4
SPEAKER_00
He goes, son, I know you re not a nurse, but you re going to need to act like one.
4
SPEAKER_02
Oh, my God.
4
SPEAKER_02
Oh, my God.
4
SPEAKER_00
One of the first like full dialogue sentences we ve actually had with each other over the three years that I worked there.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so I m still not thinking through this all the way of what s actually going to happen.
4
SPEAKER_00
He s on his back laying there on the ground.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so I was like, well, I m going to have to undress this guy.
4
SPEAKER_00
And many times that I ve told this story to friends of mine, they would be like, Oh, I would have just left.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like, there s no way I would have helped him.
4
SPEAKER_00
I would have run out.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I was kind of like, I don t know.
4
SPEAKER_00
I think if you were there in the moment, I m not shocked.
4
SPEAKER_01
You didn t desert the guy.
4
SPEAKER_01
Cause I wouldn t have done that.
4
SPEAKER_01
But.
4
SPEAKER_01
Getting his pants off.
4
SPEAKER_01
We re getting closer to what there s no toilet in there Like there s no reason to get these pants off if there s nothing for him to pee or shit in so better off Did he just pee and shit in his clothes?
4
SPEAKER_01
Really?
4
SPEAKER_01
I would just be like, how is him being nude now gonna help anything?
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I think I would have said, I ll be here, but legally I m not allowed to touch you.
4
SPEAKER_01
Touch your penis.
4
SPEAKER_00
I should have said that.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if that s true or not.
4
SPEAKER_02
I don t either, but that s what you say.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m young.
4
SPEAKER_00
Probably wasn t thinking clearly and was panicking a little bit.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so he s elderly and also he s small.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like he s quite thin.
4
SPEAKER_00
He was wearing sweatpants.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so I kind of pull his sweatpants down to his ankle.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God.
4
SPEAKER_00
And he has old man tighty-whities on.
4
SPEAKER_00
So then those I like slip down to his knees.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so at this point, I m looking, do we have like a drain in the floor?
4
SPEAKER_00
And I think to your earlier question, Dax, I m just assuming that it s number one, like there s not an option for number two.
4
SPEAKER_00
So if I can help this man not pee himself, then we re okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
There s no drain on the floor.
4
SPEAKER_00
There s no urinal or toilet or anything.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so I m looking around and on the sink, there s a stack of Dixie cups.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
I grabbed the cups and at this point I m like, here you go, do with these as you will.
4
SPEAKER_00
But then he says he needs help because he still can t move his arms.
4
SPEAKER_01
From the time that he went into paralysis in the doorway to this closet, how much time has passed do you think?
4
SPEAKER_00
Maximum 10 minutes.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay, great.
4
SPEAKER_01
That s my hunch.
4
SPEAKER_01
So bullshit.
4
SPEAKER_01
You ve got to pee this fucking bad because if you had to pee that bad right now, you would have had to pee 10 minutes ago.
4
SPEAKER_01
When you were heading into the gym, you should have been walking to the toilet.
4
SPEAKER_01
This is insane that within these 10 minutes, he has this irresistible desire to pee.
4
SPEAKER_02
Well, if your body s like shutting down, okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s glass half full.
4
SPEAKER_00
I ve thought of that so many times.
4
SPEAKER_00
I think either this man was at his lowest point physically, or he successfully pulled off the pervious role play of all time.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yes, a kink.
4
SPEAKER_00
And he waited till my last day.
4
SPEAKER_00
I have no idea.
4
SPEAKER_02
No, oh my God.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay, okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
So anyways, you ve got the Dixie Cups.
4
SPEAKER_01
You put the Dixie Cups down.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I give it to him.
4
SPEAKER_00
At this point, I was 18.
4
SPEAKER_00
I had never taken anybody s pants off before in my life.
4
SPEAKER_00
It was not supposed to be a 70 year old man for the first time.
4
SPEAKER_00
That was happening, but I just kind of left the cups.
4
SPEAKER_00
He s like, I need help.
4
SPEAKER_00
I can t do this.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t remember exactly what he said, but it was indicated that the cups were not going to do him any good by themselves.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so I think at this point, I m just a little like numb.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m just now in this tight enclosed space with this very naked old man.
4
SPEAKER_00
I get him on his side.
4
SPEAKER_00
So now he s kind of laying on his side on the floor.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God.
4
SPEAKER_00
Thinking that will kind of help him into the cup a little bit better.
4
SPEAKER_00
Sure.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I realized I m going to have to put him into the cup.
4
SPEAKER_02
No!
4
SPEAKER_02
No!
4
SPEAKER_00
He s old.
4
SPEAKER_00
There s not a lot going on down there.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so I kind of spread his thighs a little bit, because it s just wrinkles, essentially.
4
SPEAKER_00
Ah!
4
SPEAKER_00
OK.
4
SPEAKER_00
So I just kind of separate his thighs a little bit, and I reach into the mountain bush of gray pubic hair and pull out his very tiny penis.
4
SPEAKER_00
No!
4
SPEAKER_00
And I kind of just hose it into the Dixie cup as if I m, like, pulling a bar tab.
4
SPEAKER_00
This is so extreme.
4
SPEAKER_00
So I m holding him into the little Dixie cup and he starts going.
4
SPEAKER_00
So he slowly starts dribbling in there.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s a small little Dixie cup.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so like instantly my head s like, well, I m going to need to get another one.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so I have the cup stack there.
4
SPEAKER_00
So as soon as he getting close to the top, I move it, grab the other one and dip it under.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like I m literally just pouring shots into these little Dixie cups.
4
SPEAKER_00
I think we fill up four of them maybe.
4
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
4
SPEAKER_02
He did have to pee that bad.
4
SPEAKER_00
And it was as we were filling up the third or fourth Dixie cup of pee is when three firemen opened the hallway door to the closet.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so it s Rupert laying there, ass on the ground and me holding his penis into these then four Dixie cups of pee stacked up next to us.
4
SPEAKER_00
And they just walk in and I m like holding him, looking up at them.
5
SPEAKER_02
And I don t say a word.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, you re molesting the patient at this point from their point of view.
5
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_02
Although I m somehow feeling as if I m being molested.
5
SPEAKER_00
You, yes, you were violated.
5
SPEAKER_03
You have trauma.
5
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, for real.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God.
5
SPEAKER_00
So I just drop him.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like I don t pull his, I m just, they re firemen.
5
SPEAKER_00
They re allowed to put his pants back on.
5
SPEAKER_00
I ve done enough.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I walk back up to the front office and our building supervisor and my boss were up there in our office and they were laughing.
5
SPEAKER_00
They were like, what happened back there?
5
SPEAKER_00
I m so sorry I abandoned you.
5
SPEAKER_00
So I told them what happened.
5
SPEAKER_00
I don t think they believed it.
5
SPEAKER_00
They just, they thought it was the most comical thing that could have happened literally an hour before I clocked out for the last time.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
5
SPEAKER_02
What a send off.
5
SPEAKER_00
I moved away to college the next day and the whole office sent me like a thank you card.
5
SPEAKER_00
Thanks for your years of service.
5
SPEAKER_00
And my boss finished at the bottom of the card wrote, I miss your touch.
5
SPEAKER_00
Dot, dot, dot.
5
SPEAKER_00
Rupert.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I did three very successful years there at the gym.
5
SPEAKER_00
And then my last day was quite a little bit of a dud.
5
SPEAKER_02
I got to say out of all the stories we ve heard, that s the craziest.
5
SPEAKER_03
In our whole life?
5
SPEAKER_02
On this show?
5
SPEAKER_03
It s rough, it s rough, yeah.
5
SPEAKER_02
I mean, the notion that you re over there filling Dixie cups with a guy who s got immediate onset paralysis, what a wild... So we already know he s so entitled.
5
SPEAKER_03
I do think he might not have made up the paralysis, but he definitely used it to his advantage.
5
SPEAKER_02
It s all the timing of it, like having to pee that bad, but having left the locker room not peeing is so weird.
5
SPEAKER_03
I just don t know if you would know about your body.
5
SPEAKER_03
I mean, if he was having like a partial stroke, we don t know.
5
SPEAKER_03
Well, that s fair.
5
SPEAKER_00
I mean, he was able to wait until his pants were at his ankles and his penis was in my hand before he started going.
5
SPEAKER_00
So maybe he just has phenomenal bladder control, I don t know.
5
SPEAKER_02
His whole body had shut down, but he was in perfect control of his kegels.
5
SPEAKER_00
Funny enough, we were just having a debate, Josh, before you got on about whether or not we would tell someone whose yoga pants were ripped
5
SPEAKER_02
So two of us said, no, so absolutely not.
5
SPEAKER_02
If you wouldn t tell someone their yoga pants, you wouldn t pull someone s pants down and.
5
SPEAKER_03
No, I, I again would say legally I can t, but I ll put so much towels on your crotch.
5
SPEAKER_03
So feel free to pee in the towels.
5
SPEAKER_03
We ll absorb it.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh.
5
SPEAKER_00
Towels might have been a better option than Dixie cups, if I m being honest.
5
SPEAKER_03
You wouldn t have to touch anything.
5
SPEAKER_02
I m really grateful you did that, obviously, because what a story.
5
SPEAKER_02
And I m sure it s amused so many people.
5
SPEAKER_00
It has.
5
SPEAKER_00
I was camping with a group of friends last April, and I told the story, and one guy didn t believe me.
5
SPEAKER_00
He was like, no way.
5
SPEAKER_00
And so I told the actual name of the place and the member, and they looked it up.
5
SPEAKER_00
and he passed away about two years ago.
5
SPEAKER_00
In his obituary, it names one of his favorite activities was going to work out here daily at this gym.
5
SPEAKER_02
That s kind of sweet.
5
SPEAKER_02
There is an option that he s completely normal and had this situation and needed a hand and you really saved the day.
5
SPEAKER_03
Well, sure.
5
SPEAKER_00
Obviously people are way more victimized in certain situations, but it was the only time in my life where I drove home that day from the gym and I was like, oh, I understand what it means that victims feel the shame.
5
SPEAKER_00
It was the first time that clicked in my brain of like, oh, I feel gross, even though I didn t do anything.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s right.
5
SPEAKER_02
Because I mean, in my opinion, maybe not for you, but in my opinion, it s because you betrayed yourself.
5
SPEAKER_02
For me, it s like I had some spidey senses saying I shouldn t be here, but that I just continued on because I was overwhelmed by the situation.
5
SPEAKER_02
And then you re mad at yourself when you leave, not the fucking asshole who did everything.
5
SPEAKER_02
The guilt goes right to you.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yep.
5
SPEAKER_00
At least positive.
5
SPEAKER_00
It helps me relate, I guess, to that individual that might go through something like that.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_03
That was a long time ago.
5
SPEAKER_03
He lived a lot longer than if he was in his 70s.
5
SPEAKER_02
He did another 10 years.
5
SPEAKER_02
So he survived whatever that medical emergency was.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
I do want to say thank you for your Emily recommendation.
5
SPEAKER_00
I was recently in Brooklyn and it was so good.
5
SPEAKER_02
Oh.
5
SPEAKER_02
Even when we over-hype it, it still delivers.
5
SPEAKER_02
Because, by the way, we, too, psych ourselves up before we go.
5
SPEAKER_02
We re like, we talk about it so much, it s probably not as good as we say.
5
SPEAKER_02
And then every time we go, we re like, nope, it s even better.
5
SPEAKER_03
I want it right now so bad.
5
SPEAKER_00
The bartender was the one serving me, and I was like, I ve heard this burger s great.
5
SPEAKER_00
You know, I listened to Armchair Expert, and she could not care less.
5
SPEAKER_03
Oh!
5
SPEAKER_03
What if the bartender was Rupert s daughter?
5
SPEAKER_03
Oh, wow.
5
SPEAKER_03
And then you guys started dating and it was a meet-cute.
5
SPEAKER_02
Oh, we want all these to be meet-cutes.
5
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, we re hoping for meet-cutes.
5
SPEAKER_02
I feel like I ve touched enough of that family.
5
SPEAKER_02
I d argue opposite, which is like, you already dealt with the gnarly shit.
5
SPEAKER_02
That s true, you deserve a reward.
5
SPEAKER_02
That s true, that s one way to look at it.
5
SPEAKER_02
Oh, well Josh, this was a pleasure.
5
SPEAKER_00
Very nice meeting you.
5
SPEAKER_00
Nice to meet you, thank you both.
5
SPEAKER_00
All right, take care.
5
SPEAKER_00
Bye.
5
SPEAKER_00
Bye.
5
SPEAKER_03
Man, yikes.
5
SPEAKER_02
Oh my lord.
5
SPEAKER_03
Wow.
5
SPEAKER_02
Wow, that was great.
5
SPEAKER_02
These were fun.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, that was very unexpected.
5
SPEAKER_03
This was a big way to kick off 2024.
5
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_03
Even numbers.
5
SPEAKER_02
It s perfect because everyone s in the gym.
5
SPEAKER_03
I really hope you re listening to this in the gym.
5
SPEAKER_02
I do too, and I hope you look over at the very moment someone has fallen on a treadmill and is spin cycling and you re hearing that same thing, and then you will know definitively the sim is real.
5
SPEAKER_03
Yes.
5
SPEAKER_02
Well, video it.
5
SPEAKER_02
So we believe it.
5
SPEAKER_03
Sure.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_02
Love you.
5
SPEAKER_03
Love you.
5
SPEAKER_00
Do you want to sing a tune or something?
5
SPEAKER_01
We don t have a theme song for this new show, so here I go, go, go.
5
SPEAKER_01
We re going to ask some random questions, and with the help of our juries, we ll get some suggestions on the fly around this show.