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This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.
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But look at how fast, we re almost halfway through the year.
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Crazy.
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Yeah.
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Are you proud of what you ve done in 2024 so far?
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I know.
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I mean, you always want to do more, right?
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Life goes so fast, David.
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It s important to take a moment to celebrate your wins, make adjustments for the rest of the year.
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SPEAKER_01
Therapy can help you take stock of your progress and set achievable goals for the next six months.
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
Listen, therapy is the way to go.
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SPEAKER_00
I did it for a while.
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SPEAKER_00
And I think the thing that slowed me down was what they, is driving to Santa Monica in traffic once or twice a week.
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This is online.
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It s a great idea.
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Very convenient.
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SPEAKER_00
It helps you.
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You ve got coping skills, how to set boundaries.
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I mean, there s so many things you can do here to be a better version of yourself.
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SPEAKER_00
You can probably always sharpen it.
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I mean, I had a therapist in Portland and I would commute and that was a pain.
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SPEAKER_00
That s a long drive.
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SPEAKER_01
I know it was 1300 miles one way, but you know, it s good therapist.
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SPEAKER_01
But yeah, this one you can mix and match and your thoughts kind of control you and you want to master them.
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SPEAKER_01
And when you talk to someone else, they re able to kind of discern it out.
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So if you re thinking of starting to give therapy a try, give better help a try.
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Yeah, it s entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, suited to your schedule.
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You fill out a questionnaire, get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapist if you want to for any reason, no charge.
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Take a moment, visit betterhelp.com slash FOTW today.
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Get 10% off your first month.
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That s betterhelp, H-E-L-P.com slash F-O-T-W.
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Now we can go to the show.
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The truth is, Jennifer Lopez, if you ve noticed, and I m not a conspiracy guy, she gets married, then does a wedding about getting married.
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No, she gets married, then does a movie about getting married, then gets married, then does a movie about getting married, then gets divorced, one more movie about getting married.
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Does that sound like it s possible?
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I see where you re going with that.
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There s a lot of machinations.
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SPEAKER_01
You have a PR person, you know, FYI, it wouldn t be bad if you were seen dating so-and-so.
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That s true.
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Clicks and views, David.
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I know you think it s romance.
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Emily Ratajkowski is dating Eric Andre.
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Who is Emily Ratajkowski?
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She s on a real tear.
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Emily Ratatowski.
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Yeah.
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Get with the program, Dana.
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She should shorten that to Emily R. I think Ratatowski s too.
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How about Emily the rat?
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That seems kind of mean in a way.
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No.
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Calling her a rat.
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I m just saying.
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Cute.
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Ratatouille was cute.
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I turned down the voice of Ratatouille.
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No, you did not.
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We just stumbled into it.
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I went and visited Pixar.
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They wanted me to do the lead Rat, and I said, it was during Bush Jr.
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 s administration.
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It was during the bubonic plague.
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A French rat.
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I thought, this is gonna go down.
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I don t wanna be the guy who took down Pixar.
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Next thing you know, 700 million.
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700 M later.
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I don t make good choices.
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No.
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All right, we re gonna talk about Jimmy Kimmel.
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First of all, how was your Christmas?
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Oh yeah, that s nice.
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Horrible.
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Did you get sad eyes?
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You know when someone says, don t give me anything, and then that morning you see the sad eyes?
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I hate that.
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You mean because you didn t give him anything?
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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No, I don t need anything.
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And then you see the sad eyes.
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A lot of people cheat.
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They say no presents and then one person does it.
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You said, don t get me anything.
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I just said, okay.
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Yeah, we re fine.
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My mom does a thing.
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She does two things.
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First of all, she gives you Lazy Bags, which are, it s a bag you get at the store with a piece of Kleenex and the presents in it.
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And I go, this isn t a present.
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This isn t wrapping a present.
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So it s a bunch of Lazy Bags.
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All you have to do is move it a quarter inch.
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I totally had a name like Lazy Susan, Lazy Bags.
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Yeah, I coined it, Lazy Bags.
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SPEAKER_00
That s cool.
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And she goes, oh, it s only Lazy Bags this year, but it s fine.
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I m 88.
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So she gave me that and it was great.
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And then, you know, my mom was always like, oh, Davey.
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Cause when I go home, she goes ding dong.
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And I go, I just stare and she goes, get the door.
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And I go, oh, what?
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Okay.
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And she goes, I go, who is it?
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She goes, who is it?
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I go, I don t know, mom.
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It s your house.
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I don t know.
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Go check.
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And then it s like the neighbor girl who s nine.
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She made me a cake.
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She goes, Davey, she made you a cake.
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Yeah, what a homecoming.
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And I go, oh, that s nice.
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Why d you make me a cake?
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Because you re famous.
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I go, oh, okay.
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And then I go, oh, give her a hug.
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Don t be like that.
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Invite her in, talk to her, say hi.
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Do some jokes from grownups.
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It s so hilarious.
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You re on, totally on.
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You can t just relax at your own home.
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I can t.
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She goes, oh, go ride bikes with her and her friends.
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When did you get like this?
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I go, mom, I don t understand what I m doing.
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You re gonna go get on a bike without a helmet?
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Oh, don t pull your showbiz routine on us.
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Anyway, I don t want my showbiz routine.
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But Jimmy Kimmel, you had a good Christmas.
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I m just gonna assume.
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It was fine.
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And I will tell you, Dana, I heard a lot about this Farley episode.
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I heard a lot of feedback, maybe the most feedback we ve heard on anything.
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I think so.
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What does that say?
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All positive, by the way.
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The most interesting thing was we were sent a email that gets sent in for the questions, the Q and A stuff.
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And we had a lot of response about people saying,
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It made me quit.
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It made me quit drugs.
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SPEAKER_01
That was very emotional.
0
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I got some of those links.
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SPEAKER_00
It was very nice that that was an offshoot of this, which was not really the intention, but it s nice that it hit people home.
0
SPEAKER_00
As we sort of sold it, it was 90% fun and laughs, and then now and then you just got caught off guard.
0
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And it s a very real situation, so we got emotional, people got emotional.
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Yeah, we tried to treat it with respect and dignity and not make it, so apparently people really liked it.
0
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So that was cool.
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SPEAKER_00
It s very exciting.
0
SPEAKER_00
And you know, I m going on my tour.
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My tour starts back up.
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SPEAKER_01
Oh, never ending tour.
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And I m going to Wisconsin.
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I m going to Madison, where Farley s from.
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I m going to Milwaukee.
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SPEAKER_00
I m going to Appleton.
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All the places I had heard about, and I don t think I ve ever performed there.
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So looking forward to that and the others.
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Are you playing Green Bay?
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I don t think so.
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SPEAKER_00
I m trying to rally Aaron Rodgers out, by the way.
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How is Green Bay?
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I ve been there to one game.
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Mike Myers and I, back in the day, was touring together and we played, I think it was Green Bay, and they said...
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I say it like 60 minutes, not in series.
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Schwing.
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In Wayne s World 2, I did that bit where Garth is just hanging out and he s having a conversation.
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So anyway, I didn t know what to say to my dad and a girl, whereby schwing.
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Anyway, so that was like the only time Wayne and I got in a fight.
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Schwing, schwing, schwing.
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SPEAKER_01
He would hit him like, you know.
0
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Boneritis.
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But they told Mike and I, they love it when you say cheeseheads.
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So we re up there as Wayne and Garth, and we started going, you re a bunch of cheeseheads.
0
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And we start chanting it, and they started getting really, really mad and booing.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh, they tricked you.
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Yeah, we had to cut the show short, jump in a car, don t look back, Garth.
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Luckily you weren t playing gratitude.
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So don t say, hey, you cheeseheads, even if they tell you to as a joke.
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Jimmy Kimmel is going to do a, that sounded like a hard cut.
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Jimmy Kimmel is going to interview us today.
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He s a friend of the show.
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SPEAKER_00
You ve done his show a lot.
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SPEAKER_00
I ve done his show a lot.
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SPEAKER_00
Guest hosted.
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SPEAKER_00
He s a great dude.
0
SPEAKER_00
You ve guest hosted too.
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SPEAKER_00
And Jimmy, we thought of this weird idea where we get all these questions.
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So why doesn t someone interview us?
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SPEAKER_00
It might slow us down from talking over our guests in the future.
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I don t think it will.
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SPEAKER_01
I ve practiced, you know, during the holiday break, I practice talking over.
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Like my wife would say something, I just jump in.
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She goes, what are you doing?
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I go, I m just practicing talking over.
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SPEAKER_00
I know, I took a cutoff class.
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on the Learning Annex, and I d practice it at Thanksgiving dinner.
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SPEAKER_00
I d just stop everyone in their tracks and go, you saw a story about me?
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SPEAKER_00
And they go, oh.
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Actually, the truth is, I would listen.
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SPEAKER_01
I go, during the holiday break, you should listen to the podcast.
0
SPEAKER_01
Every time I talked, I said out loud, shut the fuck up.
0
SPEAKER_00
What are you doing?
0
SPEAKER_00
If I hear a couple of me on that thing, I m like, even when they show those little beginnings, like a minute of audio to promote it, I go, well, can I just shut the fuck up?
0
SPEAKER_01
Because the guest goes, well, I like pancakes.
0
SPEAKER_01
And then I do seven minutes on how I like pancakes before they can answer and then they forget.
0
SPEAKER_01
So anyway, we never said we were good at this.
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We re going into season two with Jimmy Kimmel, but people ask, well,
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how did we got on an SNL?
0
SPEAKER_01
What s our story?
0
SPEAKER_00
So Jimmy really asked the tough stuff.
0
SPEAKER_00
He digs deep, he mines a lot of gold, some silver and some sand.
0
SPEAKER_00
Up to you to decide.
0
SPEAKER_01
He came at it a little different, right?
0
SPEAKER_01
Because we feel like we ve told this story on other podcasts, but he actually really worked hard.
0
SPEAKER_01
He had a stack of notes and asked us a lot of intense questions and asked us a lot about hosts, which was an interesting take.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it was.
0
SPEAKER_00
At first, I didn t know if he knew he was interviewing us because it was like, he was just sitting there and I go, does he think he s being interviewed?
0
SPEAKER_00
It wasn t like 60 minutes.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah, but I was like ready for the hard stuff.
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SPEAKER_00
And it was really like,
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Prince Harry and Meghan.
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Here s a tease.
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He embarrassed me.
1
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Incidentally because I won t say the name of the host you ll listen to the podcast of a host of SNL Yes, or no, did they host and I said no and they had hosted when I was a cast member But I won t say it so you have to listen to find out but that was all due respect to that person I forgot.
1
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It s only I spaced out.
1
SPEAKER_02
Sorry.
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SPEAKER_01
So listen to it.
1
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Here it is We ve talked enough and here we are talking a little more.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh
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SPEAKER_02
How do we start?
1
SPEAKER_02
What s our theme?
1
SPEAKER_02
Our guest today is... You want me to start?
1
SPEAKER_02
James Edward Kimmel.
1
SPEAKER_02
We ve already started.
1
SPEAKER_02
We ve been on for four minutes.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, we have?
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, I think we should establish that, first of all, I ve never been on Saturday Night Live.
1
SPEAKER_00
I ve only been to see the show in person one time, and that was in May of last year.
1
SPEAKER_00
Other times I ve been there, but I get stuck in the office with a bunch of agents and stuff like that on TV up there and nobody s watching the show.
1
SPEAKER_00
Everybody s just talking to each other and it s depressing.
1
SPEAKER_00
But I did get to go to see the show in May.
1
SPEAKER_00
So, of course, I m a guess that people are probably super interested in hearing from.
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SPEAKER_02
Did you ever harbor desire to be on Saturday Night Live?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, you could be update guy or whatever.
1
SPEAKER_00
Gosh, I didn t, you know, I don t have, I never set my sights that high.
1
SPEAKER_00
It never, ever would have occurred to me.
1
SPEAKER_00
I was just a morning radio disc jockey hoping to continue being a morning radio disc jockey.
1
SPEAKER_00
And what was your handle?
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SPEAKER_00
Sorry.
1
SPEAKER_00
I was I was known as Jimmy.
1
SPEAKER_00
They called me Jimmy.
1
SPEAKER_02
And did you have an animal as a sidekick, Jimmy and the Bull or Jimmy and the Tomcat here?
1
SPEAKER_00
I was on in L.A.
1
SPEAKER_00
I worked in a lot of markets.
1
SPEAKER_00
I started in Vegas when I was in high school.
1
SPEAKER_00
Then I went to Phoenix.
1
SPEAKER_00
I worked at a radio station there, a couple of them.
1
SPEAKER_00
Then I got a job in Seattle, worked at a classic rock station, got fired there, went to a station in I went back to live with my parents for a while, then went to a station in Tampa, Florida.
1
SPEAKER_00
I worked in Palm Springs, Tucson, Arizona, finally L.A.
1
SPEAKER_00
at K-Rock with Kevin and Bean.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I was the sports guy there.
1
SPEAKER_00
I was Jimmy, the sports guy sports.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know, it seems like a lot of people radio get fired.
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, especially around, you know.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
What a memory.
1
SPEAKER_00
Maybe the most.
1
SPEAKER_00
Maybe the most.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I got fired a lot of times.
1
SPEAKER_00
And the worst thing about being fired a radio is you then have to move from the city.
1
SPEAKER_00
You don t just like get another job at another radio station.
1
SPEAKER_00
You re pretty much done.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
I got fired a lot too.
1
SPEAKER_00
We ll get into that.
1
SPEAKER_02
You did?
1
SPEAKER_02
Everything I got, everything failed and everything sucked.
1
SPEAKER_00
But these were probably childhood jobs that you got fired from, right?
1
SPEAKER_00
Paper route?
1
SPEAKER_02
No, this is like television shows and stuff.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, I m not, you know what, I appreciate you guys being interested in me, but I m here today to interview you guys because you guys interview
1
SPEAKER_00
all these people about Saturday Night Live, and you, as far as I understand, you guys were on Saturday Night Live.
1
SPEAKER_00
Now, I ve not done a ton of research, but you were what, the Jesus Woman?
1
SPEAKER_00
Jesus Woman was her original name, yes.
1
SPEAKER_00
And David, did you know Chris Farley?
1
SPEAKER_01
When Jimmy goes, I was at one show last year, you guys weren t on it, I don t get what s going on.
1
SPEAKER_01
What happened?
1
SPEAKER_01
This is a fraud.
1
SPEAKER_02
She said, well, I m sure that sure is special, was her catchphrase.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, yeah, yeah, I remember that.
1
SPEAKER_02
Rhythmically, not quite good.
1
SPEAKER_02
But anyway, yes, everyone wants to know, how do we get on the show?
1
SPEAKER_02
How do you get on the show?
1
SPEAKER_02
And how do you get on it now?
1
SPEAKER_01
That s what people ask me when they re leaving a restaurant.
1
SPEAKER_01
Quickly, how do you get on Saturday Night Live?
1
SPEAKER_01
And I go, oh, do you have an hour 10?
1
SPEAKER_01
Because people want those quick.
1
SPEAKER_01
Quickly, how do you get into acting?
1
SPEAKER_01
You get those, too.
1
SPEAKER_02
But for 25 years after being off the show, I d still get, even today.
1
SPEAKER_02
Are you still on that Saturday Night Live show?
1
SPEAKER_02
Do you really get that?
1
SPEAKER_02
Well, at least for 10 years after you leave, right?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, sure.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
Wow.
1
SPEAKER_02
People don t keep track.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, people, you think the world revolves around you, and yet it, you realize.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, and I told my mom, it s pretty obvious that I m off the show.
1
SPEAKER_02
Good night.
1
SPEAKER_02
Come on, guys.
1
SPEAKER_02
Come on, guys.
1
SPEAKER_02
We have a crowd, we fucking, you wouldn t think so.
1
SPEAKER_02
It s a lot of pressure when you ve got a crowd.
1
SPEAKER_02
With no audience, there s no pressure.
1
SPEAKER_00
I know you guys have told these stories before, but I think it seems right to start with, how did you get on the show?
1
SPEAKER_00
Start with David, how did you get on the show?
1
SPEAKER_01
I was born in Michigan.
1
SPEAKER_00
We re gonna go way back.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s what I was told.
1
SPEAKER_01
That had to happen before you got on the show.
1
SPEAKER_01
I think it takes so many steps to get seen by in front of someone like Lorne or his talent people.
1
SPEAKER_01
It was stand up around here at the Improv Forever, Arizona first, then stand up around here.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then we got to, I think the big thing was I got on HBO Young Comedian Special.
1
SPEAKER_01
And when you do that, that s something that s national.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then someone in the talent department saw it, and Rob Schneider was on it also.
1
SPEAKER_01
So I was in the vortex of, hey, there s about 10, 20 people we should maybe look at this year.
1
SPEAKER_01
So we were brought out for an audition.
1
SPEAKER_01
Rob and I did it together, and did a stand-up comedy club in New York.
1
SPEAKER_00
When you say you did it together, you did individual performances, or you were working as a team?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, and Rob and I weren t a team, but we had the same management, and we were buddies.
1
SPEAKER_01
And we knew Sandler, we knew Judd Apatow, we knew a lot of guys we d been in stand-up with, who eventually, you know, like Sandler eventually got on pretty quickly after that.
1
SPEAKER_01
So, we went out, auditioned with another comic, and did okay, not great, but they were looking at the writing, and then they hired us as writer-performers.
1
SPEAKER_00
So you submitted a packet of sketches?
1
SPEAKER_00
No, thank God, Lord Jesus.
1
SPEAKER_00
They were looking at the writing as far as the jokes that you were doing in your stand-up.
1
SPEAKER_01
And Dennis Miller told me, you don t want to kill too hard, Spudley.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s a fucking red flag.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, they want to mold you a little bit.
1
SPEAKER_02
You come in at 11, you know, they kind of back off from that like it s a hot plate.
1
SPEAKER_02
Boy Scout jamboree, all right?
1
SPEAKER_02
They don t want you to be a polished road hack.
1
SPEAKER_02
I love doing dentists because my IQ goes up and my vocabulary expands.
1
SPEAKER_02
Geez, I ll fly on the wall, huh?
1
SPEAKER_02
Okay, that s a catchy moniker for something.
1
SPEAKER_00
Everyone loves those insects.
1
SPEAKER_00
And no offense, David, but Dana, it seems like your talents, it s very obvious why you got the job.
1
SPEAKER_00
I mean, because David s just a funny guy.
1
SPEAKER_00
I backdoored it, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
He s not doing character sketches.
1
SPEAKER_00
No, you re right.
1
SPEAKER_00
You re right.
1
SPEAKER_02
It wasn t as easy as you would think.
1
SPEAKER_02
based on my own personality or insecurity.
1
SPEAKER_02
I mean, it s a longer story, but basically the brass tacks was I did a kind of cattle call audition at the Punchline in San Francisco.
1
SPEAKER_02
Al Franken was at that one.
1
SPEAKER_02
And years later, years later, like eight years later, he said, yeah, I kind of blew it.
1
SPEAKER_02
I should have taken you, you know.
1
SPEAKER_02
But I was just passed over there.
1
SPEAKER_02
Then I don t know the exact dates, but a few years before I got the show, then there was a giant 25 comic jamboree at the comedy store.
1
SPEAKER_02
Cattle Call.
1
SPEAKER_02
Cattle Call, no MC, five minutes.
1
SPEAKER_02
Boom, boom, in that original room, which is like a death room.
1
SPEAKER_02
Who else was there?
1
SPEAKER_02
Well, I remember who I followed at midnight.
1
SPEAKER_02
A very young, very energetic man by the name of Sam Kennison.
1
SPEAKER_02
So Sam goes on, I mean, he literally levitates the room.
1
SPEAKER_02
It s shaking, it s just scorched earth.
1
SPEAKER_02
That s Pete Kennison, probably as good as it s ever been.
1
SPEAKER_02
And Sam was hoping to get on Saturday Night Live?
1
SPEAKER_02
Maybe, he hosted the first season, but then there s like, and now, and I never got my name right, now Dana Faloncaraba, you know.
1
SPEAKER_02
So I go up there and I die.
1
SPEAKER_02
I die a death.
1
SPEAKER_02
You know, well isn t that special?
1
SPEAKER_02
I m trying to do characters.
1
SPEAKER_02
Death null.
1
SPEAKER_02
So then that puts me in a depression for two months.
1
SPEAKER_01
So you don t get it even though you were good?
1
SPEAKER_02
I just bombed.
1
SPEAKER_02
You couldn t follow Kennison in five minutes trying to establish a rapport.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I felt very, very nervous, which isn t a good thing.
1
SPEAKER_02
So then, freakily, in 86, they were casting again, because 85 had a rough year.
1
SPEAKER_02
And my management team knew Lorne Michaels and so forth and so on.
1
SPEAKER_02
And so it came around to me.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I go, okay, I m not going to do it at the Improv or the Comedy Store.
1
SPEAKER_02
I m going to do it at Igby s on the west side.
1
SPEAKER_02
It s gone now, but it was a hundred seat, tight packed crowd.
1
SPEAKER_02
I d played there a lot.
1
SPEAKER_02
I kind of had a following.
1
SPEAKER_02
So, okay, Lorne wants to see you.
1
SPEAKER_02
So I called Rosie O Donnell is headlining that week.
1
SPEAKER_02
I d never met her, but the owner said, do you want to, Dana s going to bring Lorne Michaels.
1
SPEAKER_02
Can you fit him in?
1
SPEAKER_02
So I went there, my wife and I are driving there and I m as nervous as a human being can be.
1
SPEAKER_02
I didn t have the confidence I got later.
1
SPEAKER_02
just thinking, oh man, this is it.
1
SPEAKER_02
You know, I auditioned a lot.
1
SPEAKER_02
I ve been in LA a lot.
1
SPEAKER_02
And we went to get some gas.
1
SPEAKER_02
Our car was out and there was no gas in the gas station.
1
SPEAKER_02
We just both remembered that for years.
1
SPEAKER_02
We don t have gas here, what do you mean?
1
SPEAKER_02
No gas, no gas!
1
SPEAKER_02
So it s just one of those things you remember when you re scared out of your mind.
1
SPEAKER_02
So I go there, I meet Rosie O Donnell, and she seems like, her maturity and confidence, like she s 50 years old.
1
SPEAKER_02
She was completely, fully formed, just, hey, what do you want to do?
1
SPEAKER_02
So we kind of drew straws, or talked about it, I ll go on first.
1
SPEAKER_02
But this time I get 40 minutes,
1
SPEAKER_02
with a real audience, not an industry audience.
1
SPEAKER_02
And so I m waiting off to the side, just like, well, let s see what happens.
2
SPEAKER_02
I don t know what order they came in.
2
SPEAKER_02
I think it was Brandon Tartikoff, I think Lorne Second, the head of the network, Lorne Michaels, and I m like, fuck.
2
SPEAKER_02
And then it s Cher.
2
SPEAKER_02
Share.
2
SPEAKER_02
She got a vote?
2
SPEAKER_02
Because I didn t have enough pressure on me.
2
SPEAKER_00
Tiebreaker.
2
SPEAKER_02
But they walked like from behind a curtain.
2
SPEAKER_02
Here he is, the head of the network, Brandon Tarnikoff.
2
SPEAKER_02
And the guy who discovers all comedians, Lorne Michaels.
2
SPEAKER_02
And of course, ladies and gentlemen, Share.
2
SPEAKER_02
Do you believe in love?
2
SPEAKER_02
So she s singing and dancing.
2
SPEAKER_02
So anyway, I go up.
2
SPEAKER_02
At that point, I had turned down a pilot.
2
SPEAKER_02
a spin-off from Punky Brewster two years before called Fensterhall for $30,000.
2
SPEAKER_02
I finally said I can t take the punishment anymore because I was being cast a lot as a cutesy nice guy.
2
SPEAKER_02
30 grand a week?
2
SPEAKER_02
For the pilot.
2
SPEAKER_02
Wow.
2
SPEAKER_02
So then I just did stand-up like crazy in San Francisco all over.
2
SPEAKER_02
So I was in pretty good shape.
2
SPEAKER_02
I would give my set like a C, C minus, but Lauren says later, I was always thinking, already thinking about how to use you on the show.
2
SPEAKER_01
So you d have to believe that if Brandon comes to the audition and you know these executives don t want to go to anything ever and Lorne comes and then they say to Cher, hey, why don t you join us?
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, they probably you probably were in pretty good shape going into that.
2
SPEAKER_02
They gave me confidence, Brillstein, Gray, Mark Gurvitz.
2
SPEAKER_02
Bernie Brillstein came to see me a month before this.
2
SPEAKER_02
Now Bernie, if people are listening now, was kind of like a big lovable teddy bear Santa Claus.
2
SPEAKER_02
In those days he was probably 50, but he seemed like the old timer of all time.
2
SPEAKER_02
He saw me, and I d seen people pass me over a lot, you know, he saw me and went,
2
SPEAKER_02
We re not even gonna give him to Saturday Night Live.
2
SPEAKER_02
He s a fucking movie star.
2
SPEAKER_02
That was a direct quote, you know.
2
SPEAKER_02
But I go, I kind of want to be on Saturday Night Live.
2
SPEAKER_02
It s only my childhood dream.
2
SPEAKER_02
So I got, I had to let go of this management before who didn t want me to do The Church Lady.
2
SPEAKER_02
I got standing ovation at the Comedy Magic Club.
2
SPEAKER_02
They got me in the back room and they said, you got to stop doing The Church Lady.
2
SPEAKER_02
It was only five minutes out of a 90 minute set at that point.
2
SPEAKER_02
They go, you re coming off gay.
2
SPEAKER_02
You re coming off gay, what is my, well it s not, I mean, I guess so.
2
SPEAKER_02
They don t get on TV.
2
SPEAKER_02
But anyway, I was able to, yeah, we don t want them around here.
2
SPEAKER_02
So they, I was able to jettison that management company, that s all right, and go with Brillstein Gray and Guritz, Brillstein Entertainment Partners, and that changed everything for me, and then the Igbys, and then I had to audition another time a week later or something.
2
SPEAKER_02
Uh, and I thought Jim Carrey was there.
2
SPEAKER_02
I know I met Phil Hartman and we had to go do the audition kind of like they do in 8-H.
2
SPEAKER_02
It was just 10 people and, and me up there doing schtick for everybody.
2
SPEAKER_02
And Lauren would, would, would kind of tilt you, I think, to test you.
2
SPEAKER_01
Do you think those terribly, uh,
2
SPEAKER_01
tense situations are hurdles that they want they want to see if you can clear those hurdles because ultimately you are gonna have to be on the show live and you can t melt down.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yes, in that situation where you re kind of vulnerable up there and I knew Dennis Miller he was sitting there and Nora Dunn and and Lauren would kind of dig at you a little bit.
2
SPEAKER_02
We ve seen enough of that.
2
SPEAKER_02
Do you have anything else, you know, right in the middle of your audition?
2
SPEAKER_02
And I think it was a test to see when the red light comes on and it s 20 million, three, two, one, your life, your career, your family, all your loved ones counting on you, boom, can you deliver?
2
SPEAKER_02
So, you know, but if I could, it was just from the 10,000 hours in a club.
2
SPEAKER_00
Dana actually, a different path, obviously more built for SNL than me.
2
SPEAKER_00
And when he went out, his first show was Cold Opening Church and the lead guy in a lot of sketches, I was worked in almost too slowly.
2
SPEAKER_00
So it was more frustrating to go year after year writing for these guys, writing, helping, helping, writing, update jokes, getting in the background.
2
SPEAKER_00
So by the time I go on, it s not quite as terrifying, but still.
2
SPEAKER_00
Still terrifying, but I m sure for Dana, just that first time, even though he s a seasoned performer, it s way, way different.
2
SPEAKER_00
This is the only thing that really matters.
2
SPEAKER_00
More people see that first sketch than all of your stand-up combined in your whole life.
2
SPEAKER_02
My entry in there was 86, so that was pre-18 cast members.
2
SPEAKER_02
So they purged the year before.
2
SPEAKER_02
We had John Lovitz, Phil Hartman, myself as the primary men, and then we had Nora Dunn and Jan Hooks, the late great, and Victoria Jackson.
2
SPEAKER_02
How many, that was it?
2
SPEAKER_02
Six cast members?
2
SPEAKER_02
Six main cast members.
2
SPEAKER_02
We had Kevin Nealon as a feature and A. Whitney Brown, Dennis Miller.
2
SPEAKER_02
So then when I got on the first show,
2
SPEAKER_02
that I was there for a month, I was at Lorne Michaels house for a month too, which is a whole nother story, but I worked on the church lady character, but it wasn t, no one knew if it would work or kill or anything.
2
SPEAKER_02
Lorne moved you into his home, is that because you were coming off gay?
2
SPEAKER_02
Well I got...
2
SPEAKER_02
It s just, I m not saying you are gay, but you come off gay.
2
SPEAKER_01
See how it feels.
2
SPEAKER_02
I don t, it s that thing of like, you know, people are going to wonder and it s good if like they really know where you re coming from.
2
SPEAKER_02
What?
2
SPEAKER_02
I need a decorator.
2
SPEAKER_02
I don t know if David spent time, I spent a month in Long Island at Lauren s house in Amagansett with Lauren and Paul McCartney came over and all, Chevy Chase was there and I d never been on television.
2
SPEAKER_02
He adopted you.
2
SPEAKER_02
Basically, yeah, you could have Jack s room, so I was in where Jack Nicholson would hang out.
2
SPEAKER_02
You know, I m calling my friends back in San Francisco, I m staying in Jack Nicholson s room, Paul McCartney and Chevy Chase are here, how are you doing?
2
SPEAKER_02
Wow.
2
SPEAKER_01
So just to go back a couple of steps if I could.
2
SPEAKER_01
When you guys are, like you re talking about David, auditioning with Rob, who s your friend,
2
SPEAKER_01
And you re auditioning with 25 other people, some of whom I assume are your friends.
2
SPEAKER_01
What is it like when you get that job and then those people you auditioned with and came up with don t?
2
SPEAKER_00
You know, it worked a little different for us because I didn t really know anyone who didn t get it.
2
SPEAKER_00
Really?
2
SPEAKER_00
I met... Everyone you know got hired by Saturday Night Live?
2
SPEAKER_00
People wanted to get to know David.
2
SPEAKER_00
I was newer in town and just, you know, doing the improv and the comedy store said no to me so I had the improv.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I didn t know that many people that were auditioning or got that call like Rob and I did, but I knew a lot of comedians.
2
SPEAKER_00
But there was one, he mentioned Brandon Tartikoff, who was the most powerful person in town, if you remember back then.
2
SPEAKER_00
He had Cosby Show, every big show was on.
2
SPEAKER_00
And they said, he saw you do five one night at the show.
2
SPEAKER_00
He wants to meet you and maybe give you a development deal and make a show for you.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I was freaking out.
2
SPEAKER_00
I saw Kevin Pollak the day before.
2
SPEAKER_00
And he goes, this is a huge, this will be your biggest break.
2
SPEAKER_00
So they give me sides, I don t know if I told you this Dan.
2
SPEAKER_00
They give me sides which is a little bit of a script.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t even know what sides are.
2
SPEAKER_00
And so I had to go to a coach and just say, hey coach me to read this shitty script.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s just like one scene.
2
SPEAKER_00
They just have to see like I m in the vicinity of knowing what I m doing and they re gonna give me some money to try to make a show for me.
2
SPEAKER_00
So this motherfucking head of casting was there.
2
SPEAKER_00
So it was every big shot of NBC.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m waiting, shaking in the dressing, you know, in the waiting room of NBC.
2
SPEAKER_00
And we used to call Brandon, call him tartar sauce.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I go, is tartar sauce here?
2
SPEAKER_00
I can t wait all day.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I m waiting.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then they go, I think it was Dennis something.
2
SPEAKER_00
He comes up and he goes, oh, they re going to see you.
2
SPEAKER_00
It ll just be a second.
2
SPEAKER_00
There s one more person there having a meeting with him.
2
SPEAKER_00
By the way,
2
SPEAKER_00
We re not doing that scene anymore.
2
SPEAKER_00
We re doing this one and he hands me a script.
2
SPEAKER_00
It could have been in Chinese.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t know what the fuck s going.
2
SPEAKER_00
I go, what do you mean?
2
SPEAKER_00
I read this one and I didn t have any coaching.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I was so new.
2
SPEAKER_00
I just walked in and read it to them.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then they go, thank you.
2
SPEAKER_00
And that was it.
2
SPEAKER_00
Nothing.
2
SPEAKER_00
I got nothing, no development deal, bad feedback.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I had to go in and do two years of classes because
2
SPEAKER_00
And Rob was in it with me.
2
SPEAKER_00
And because I go, I don t know enough, and I thought I was Eddie Murphy, just like, oh, I m just funny.
2
SPEAKER_00
What do you need, really, to know?
2
SPEAKER_00
And I knew, and I had to do so much just to start getting auditions again.
2
SPEAKER_00
Fucking Dennis.
2
SPEAKER_00
God, that motherfucker.
2
SPEAKER_00
Dennis is always there.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it wasn t Dennis Miller, it was Dennis, head of casting, and I was just, it was like slow motion.
2
SPEAKER_00
Switches the scripts.
2
SPEAKER_00
I look at this one, I probably turned it up to another person, he s like, no, it s this way.
2
SPEAKER_01
Ain t it funny looking back now, now you d go like,
2
SPEAKER_00
No, I m doing the other one, that would be the end of it.
2
SPEAKER_00
No, no, I know this one.
2
SPEAKER_02
But no confidence at all, just like, do what you are told.
2
SPEAKER_02
I should have taken the two years of acting lessons.
2
SPEAKER_02
I once read for Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward.
2
SPEAKER_02
for Tonto and Son and they would pair us off.
2
SPEAKER_02
The gay kid?
2
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_02
I was with this really good actress and they paired us off and then Paul Newman was so charming and she had a little dog and he had red socks on and I bombed so bad that I ruined it for her.
2
SPEAKER_02
We walked outside and I go, that was kind of weird.
2
SPEAKER_02
And she goes, yeah, yeah, it was kind of fucking weird.
2
SPEAKER_02
And then she got in the elevator.
2
SPEAKER_02
Can I read with someone else?
2
SPEAKER_02
I was so bad, I destroyed other careers.
2
SPEAKER_02
It was not a good, but I did a lot of shit like that.
3
SPEAKER_01
you leave behind, Dana?
3
SPEAKER_01
Who is your comedy friend?
3
SPEAKER_03
Well, I would say that Kevin Pollak, we did a lot of stand-up together, you know, great impressionist, great actor.
3
SPEAKER_03
The planets never lined up for him, but I thought he would be, you know.
3
SPEAKER_01
They did elsewhere, obviously.
3
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, yeah, but that would have been a natural fit for Kevin.
3
SPEAKER_01
Did you go, when you guys were in there, were you pushing for your friends?
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh no, no.
3
SPEAKER_01
Not immediately.
3
SPEAKER_03
You wanted to hire people that you felt you could compete or dominate.
3
SPEAKER_03
You didn t want to hire anyone that good.
3
SPEAKER_03
You didn t want Jim Carrey in there.
3
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, I don t know what to do with Jim Carrey.
3
SPEAKER_01
Is that true?
3
SPEAKER_01
I mean, is there some truth to that statement?
3
SPEAKER_03
Well, you have no control over that, first of all.
3
SPEAKER_03
I know that
3
SPEAKER_03
It came down to, I think, for the final spot, you know, Lorne, as I remember, said, well, maybe somebody tall like Chevy.
3
SPEAKER_03
And I had been living with Kevin Nealon where I met him before I got on SNL.
3
SPEAKER_03
tall somebody tall that s what i remember and i go i know a tall guy not even that funny just so rick overton was right in the lane the great rick overton was right there so kevin flies out and with his kind of his style he was just standing in his height god was he tall oh still is yeah he s not he s one of the tallest comedians laurence you re hired he hadn t even started doing his comedy we want you because you re tall
3
SPEAKER_03
But anyway, then Kevin nailed it at just standing there.
3
SPEAKER_03
His standup is so casual, you didn t even know when he starts or he ends.
3
SPEAKER_03
And he killed, and I think Lorne in those days did it a little bit like a sitcom.
3
SPEAKER_03
Like you don t, you want these different flavors.
3
SPEAKER_03
Like Phil had his lane, Lovett s had his lane, I did my thing, and then Kevin did it.
3
SPEAKER_02
After you have sketches, you go, okay, who s gonna play the dad?
3
SPEAKER_02
You know what I mean?
3
SPEAKER_02
That s a legitimate thing you don t think of.
3
SPEAKER_03
And then you go, Phil s a solid dad every time.
3
SPEAKER_03
Game show host, gonna be Phil, if no one else is around.
3
SPEAKER_03
He was the glue.
3
SPEAKER_03
I think it was my nickname, doesn t have to be.
3
SPEAKER_03
We called him the glue because he kind of held the show together.
3
SPEAKER_02
I called him the sticky stuff.
3
SPEAKER_02
I ve always had mic problems.
3
SPEAKER_02
By the way, when I got there, it was me and Robbie and then we were suggesting maybe writers, Fred Wolfe and some other people, and then Sandler was, I think, our first one we kind of pushed because Farley and Chris Rock
3
SPEAKER_02
came right after us.
3
SPEAKER_02
So we did four shows and where Dennis goes, Dennis is like tough love dad.
3
SPEAKER_02
He goes, and you better get something on or they re going to get rid of one of you dudes.
3
SPEAKER_02
I mean, fucking, you don t bring a guy back.
3
SPEAKER_02
You can t write for shit.
3
SPEAKER_02
I m like four shows.
3
SPEAKER_02
And I thought, Oh, that ll be easy.
3
SPEAKER_02
Meanwhile,
3
SPEAKER_02
You can t even look like you have a decent script at read through.
3
SPEAKER_02
Everyone s like, it just stands out as shitty, you know, until you know what s going on and you re competing against all these great writers.
3
SPEAKER_02
So we come, we have four, then we do the summer.
3
SPEAKER_02
We do come back, but when I walk in, that s rock and Farley.
3
SPEAKER_02
So now those guys get to be our crew.
3
SPEAKER_02
Sandler gets there maybe three months later.
3
SPEAKER_02
So about pushing for Sandler,
3
SPEAKER_02
I would just say, yeah, this guy kills and he does well.
3
SPEAKER_02
I had barely any influence there, but just one more voice saying, he s great, and then Sandler sort of parlayed every strong move he has into SNL.
3
SPEAKER_01
You re saying you made Adam Sandler.
3
SPEAKER_01
You are responsible for his career.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
3
SPEAKER_03
We call him Sandu or Sandman.
3
SPEAKER_00
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3
SPEAKER_01
What was it like?
3
SPEAKER_01
I still think it s crazy that Adam Sandler was released from that show.
3
SPEAKER_01
I mean, is it fair to say he was fired from the show?
3
SPEAKER_02
I didn t even know that, honestly, until like a year ago, because Barley and Sandler were so big on the show.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, did you hear this?
3
SPEAKER_03
I heard he was fired, but sometimes I think things just peter out.
3
SPEAKER_03
Had he done Billy Madison?
3
SPEAKER_03
Was he kind of on his way?
3
SPEAKER_02
No, he had done big movies and so had Farley.
3
SPEAKER_02
It was time.
3
SPEAKER_02
I should have just gone but they were going to something and I wasn t so I said I m gonna stay another year but then that felt like I was... But you were invited to stay another year and it is it seems so crazy especially... I was and they weren t, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
No, not that but...
3
SPEAKER_01
But that Adam Sandler was unquestionably one of the most popular.
3
SPEAKER_02
I think he was too big a star and maybe... He got fired for being too big a star?
3
SPEAKER_02
I don t know if he got fired.
3
SPEAKER_02
I don t really know.
3
SPEAKER_02
He says he got fired.
3
SPEAKER_03
Do you want to get on the mic for a second, manager?
3
SPEAKER_02
Did he get fired or have you heard Mark?
3
SPEAKER_02
And Farley too.
3
SPEAKER_03
But it seems insane.
3
SPEAKER_03
But I ll tell you, Adam was a man with a plan from day one.
3
SPEAKER_03
I mean, he would, even before he started to score on the show, he started doing stuff with Robert Smigel and he goes, yeah, he s a great Ryder Carvey.
3
SPEAKER_03
I m going to put him in all my movies.
3
SPEAKER_03
And I was like, what?
3
SPEAKER_03
You just got here.
3
SPEAKER_03
Adam had, for whatever reason, he had Frank Sinatra confidence.
3
SPEAKER_03
And I asked him once, where did it come from?
3
SPEAKER_03
He said, my dad would always, we d go to the little league game.
3
SPEAKER_03
Adam was a pretty good player, but he d go, his dad would go, look at that kid.
3
SPEAKER_03
That s a ball player.
3
SPEAKER_03
That s a ball player.
3
SPEAKER_03
And then his mom, when Sinatra would come on, she d say, you re better.
3
SPEAKER_03
You re better than Sinatra.
3
SPEAKER_03
So he had both sides.
3
SPEAKER_03
If you can try to create someone with that drive and talent.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it s funny.
3
SPEAKER_01
A lot of comics, they do it to prove their parents wrong, but it sounds like Adam had the entirely opposite situation.
3
SPEAKER_03
You re not a good baseball player.
3
SPEAKER_03
You re a human god.
3
SPEAKER_03
I don t know, maybe for people out there with a baby.
3
SPEAKER_02
You need one cheerleader, hopefully.
3
SPEAKER_02
My mom was a huge cheerleader and my dad was a
3
SPEAKER_02
Gone.
3
SPEAKER_02
Anyway, Dana, but you don t have any daddy issues.
3
SPEAKER_03
My dad unfortunately stayed and there was a monster in the neighborhood and it was dad.
3
SPEAKER_01
My dad, when I told him I got a radio job in Seattle, which was a big market and this is all I wanted.
3
SPEAKER_01
I was in college at the time, not really going to class at all.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I said, I got a job in Seattle.
3
SPEAKER_01
My father said, I ll pay you $200 a week to stay here at home.
3
SPEAKER_03
Oh wow.
3
SPEAKER_03
Because he didn t think radio was classy enough.
3
SPEAKER_01
What did he miss you?
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t know, they just didn t want me leaving the house.
3
SPEAKER_01
And luckily I said, no, I think I m going to move and be an adult.
3
SPEAKER_01
How old were you?
3
SPEAKER_01
I ll take my hundred.
3
SPEAKER_01
I was in college.
3
SPEAKER_03
In college, and your dad was, don t go, I ll pay you to hang out with me?
3
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, they didn t want me to leave.
3
SPEAKER_03
Oh, we can watch TV, Jimmy!
3
SPEAKER_01
I d still be there.
3
SPEAKER_01
Double your salary.
3
SPEAKER_03
Make it $800 a month.
3
SPEAKER_03
But you came from a loving, secure family, all things considered?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yes, very much so.
3
SPEAKER_03
Yes, very much so.
3
SPEAKER_03
That explains a lot.
3
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_03
Well, you seem like a well-centered, happy person.
3
SPEAKER_03
We re wounded little clowns, I ll tell you what.
3
SPEAKER_03
I had five years of therapy, I need five more.
3
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I am fucked up.
3
SPEAKER_01
Dude, I m a powder keg.
3
SPEAKER_01
It sounds like, though, you found a real father figure in Lorne, who I still can t believe he moved you into his house.
3
SPEAKER_01
Shit on my lap.
3
SPEAKER_01
He must have taken an extreme liking to you.
3
SPEAKER_01
He would sit on my lap, I would sit on his lap, and we d be the puppet.
3
SPEAKER_01
Can you imagine moving someone you just auditioned and hired into your home?
3
SPEAKER_03
So weird, I don t like you guys here right now.
3
SPEAKER_03
I guess he did take a liking to me.
3
SPEAKER_03
When I first met with him alone in a room,
3
SPEAKER_03
He goes, but someone here, and he goes off on things, you know, someone you want to have dinner with, you know, when it comes to the cast.
3
SPEAKER_03
Someone who came in, I thought they re like really, really talented, but there was something about their shoes.
3
SPEAKER_03
And then I looked out of my shoes, I guess they passed the test.
3
SPEAKER_03
But he did literally said I couldn t have him because of those, you know,
3
SPEAKER_03
high top kids on a grown man don t work.
3
SPEAKER_01
Has he, to your knowledge, allowed anyone else on the cast to live in his home?
3
SPEAKER_01
People have gone there for... Gone there is one thing.
3
SPEAKER_03
Well I moved in there for a month but Whitney would come and go.
3
SPEAKER_03
I don t know if he stayed there.
3
SPEAKER_03
Chevy Chase,
3
SPEAKER_03
Whitney Brown, do you remember him?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, A. Whitney Brown.
3
SPEAKER_03
Really funny because the night that Paul came there and nervously played a song for us, it was Chevy, Lauren, me, and Whitney, and then Paul and Linda.
3
SPEAKER_01
When you say Paul, you mean McCartney, not Schaefer.
3
SPEAKER_01
No.
3
SPEAKER_01
Could be either.
3
SPEAKER_03
I thought I d play a little thing for you.
3
SPEAKER_03
I don t know if it s any good, you know.
3
SPEAKER_03
And he leaned into me right as the song started.
3
SPEAKER_03
I guess he had a CD.
3
SPEAKER_03
He goes, sometimes when you re writing, you try so hard to live up to whatever, you end up ruining the fucker.
3
SPEAKER_03
This is him saying it to me, right, as the song goes on.
3
SPEAKER_03
So he s very vulnerable.
3
SPEAKER_03
The song plays.
3
SPEAKER_03
There s a pause.
3
SPEAKER_03
A. Whitney Brown goes, sounds like Julian Lennon.
3
SPEAKER_03
Sounds like Julian Lennon.
3
SPEAKER_03
And Lauren said Paul would still mention that years later.
3
SPEAKER_03
This is a fellow who thinks I sound like Julian Lennon.
3
SPEAKER_03
Is she going to be around, you know, because I like to be on the other side of the table.
3
SPEAKER_03
That s why celebrities don t hang out with regular people.
4
SPEAKER_00
He couldn t have said anything.
4
SPEAKER_00
Sounds like Julian Lennon.
4
SPEAKER_01
That s crazy.
4
SPEAKER_00
So anyway, that happened.
4
SPEAKER_00
I went to dinner there once, so you know, I don t know if you remember this, Jimbo, when we, for Howard, I did the Beth s cat charity.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh yes, you did the benefit for the North Shore Animal League.
4
SPEAKER_00
So Howard and Beth came and
4
SPEAKER_00
Lauren and some people were there Some celebrities were talking about Howard s peppered around and so doing this charity show But I was extra nervous because it was very small and there s a lot of those people and they don t seem to do stand-up And it was kind of scary.
4
SPEAKER_00
So anyway, there s there s Lauren and then he there there s seat empty.
4
SPEAKER_00
They go Should we hold for Jack Nicholson?
4
SPEAKER_00
I go.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh, no, he s not coming in the fucking front row.
4
SPEAKER_00
Is he so I
4
SPEAKER_00
And they don t hold, now my whole set, I m like, where the fuck is Jack?
4
SPEAKER_00
He s missing my Southwest bit.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so then afterwards, Lauren goes, dinner at the house?
4
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, oh, the one Dana stays at?
4
SPEAKER_00
So I go, Dana s not there right now, is he?
4
SPEAKER_00
So this is like two years ago.
4
SPEAKER_00
So I go over and we have dinner and then there s an empty seat again and then Jack does come in.
4
SPEAKER_00
and sit down, how was it?
4
SPEAKER_00
I missed it.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yes, it was two hours ago.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, past the meatballs.
4
SPEAKER_00
So he ate and it was very fun.
4
SPEAKER_00
So that was my big worn house, but it was a timer on it.
4
SPEAKER_01
But he didn t invite you to stay for 29 more days.
4
SPEAKER_01
Tired?
4
SPEAKER_01
Just that night.
4
SPEAKER_01
I have bunk beds.
4
SPEAKER_01
Dana, does he keep the room as you left it, like my mother has at mine?
4
SPEAKER_01
It s very nice.
4
SPEAKER_02
Lorne keeps Dana s room.
4
SPEAKER_02
It s like two single beds, and one morning I came in and he was making the bed.
4
SPEAKER_02
It s just, I want the pillow to sit right.
4
SPEAKER_02
Dana s soccer trophy.
4
SPEAKER_02
I go, Lorne, you don t have to do this, or I feel like I m your dad.
4
SPEAKER_02
You re only 10 years older than me.
4
SPEAKER_02
Well, it can happen in different countries, third world, there can be a 10-year-old father.
4
SPEAKER_01
Who was better at pitching sketches to Lorne?
4
SPEAKER_01
Out of us?
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t remember really pitching.
4
SPEAKER_00
Well, we pitch him in the meeting, you know, we have all the other writers, so you re really... Lorne is there or no?
4
SPEAKER_00
Lorne is there.
4
SPEAKER_02
It s Monday evening, everyone s packed in his little office and there s usually a nervous host sitting in a chair.
4
SPEAKER_00
So it s Lorne and the host facing this way, Lorne behind his desk, host in a big chair.
4
SPEAKER_00
Everyone is sitting on the floor, chairs, couches, standing, jammed.
4
SPEAKER_00
boiling hot and then Lauren just like has a you know certs or Twizzler and he goes David anything for Tom Hanks and then he just goes through and then you go oh and you have a little legal pad and you go I was thinking maybe you re you know you play Sully but you re just it up
4
SPEAKER_01
Do you work harder on the Tom Hanks pitches than on, let s say, Kyle MacLachlan?
4
SPEAKER_02
Well, I always do fake pitches because, right?
4
SPEAKER_02
Because if you pitch it in the room and then the idea, the bubble s been burst, you want to save it for re-through.
4
SPEAKER_02
It s an oral strategy.
4
SPEAKER_02
So it d be like, I m going to be a dancing popsicle with John Lovitz and we sing a song.
4
SPEAKER_02
You know, and that s just a fake pitch.
4
SPEAKER_02
And then people laugh.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then you go, that s the fake one.
4
SPEAKER_00
But then sometimes the host comes around to your room later and goes,
4
SPEAKER_00
Are you the one working on the dancing popsicle bit?
4
SPEAKER_00
And you go, oh, uh, no.
4
SPEAKER_00
And they re like, I love that.
4
SPEAKER_00
And you re like, that was a fucking fake.
4
SPEAKER_02
And then you go, Michael Jordan, relax.
4
SPEAKER_02
You re not going to play.
4
SPEAKER_01
Were you guys both there when Michael Jordan hosted the show?
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
Was he in that Monday meeting?
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, he had it was there did the whole the whole run of the whole thing was there were there any buffer people who were like, oh, yeah, Michael s not gonna do that Michael will do that or was it just Michael are the buffer people allowed in those meetings because we deal with buffer people a lot sure really buffer people often demand do a disservice to The the people who are who need to get the laughs on the show like where they never hear the actual idea They never hear that s turned out before it gets to them.
4
SPEAKER_01
You can t do that because he was divorced in 1975.
4
SPEAKER_01
You re like
4
SPEAKER_02
Eh, this doesn t really have anything to do with that.
4
SPEAKER_01
I think he would think it s funny.
4
SPEAKER_01
Let him decide.
4
SPEAKER_02
Well, the really fascinating thing for me that week with Michael Jordan was that, you know, it s a fish out of water, the greatest player ever, but he s got a lot of sketches and we re about to go out in the live show in a sketch and he s got some heavy dialogue and you re behind the slats, the band s playing, the audience is there, and I could tell
4
SPEAKER_02
You know, he had the script in his hand for last minute jamming and I could tell he kind of had cotton mouth.
4
SPEAKER_02
It was a little tense.
4
SPEAKER_02
I said, Michael, just go out there and read it right off the cue card.
4
SPEAKER_02
Christopher Walken does it.
4
SPEAKER_02
Don t even worry about that.
4
SPEAKER_02
And it kind of trying to calm Michael Jordan down about anything was a unique situation.
4
SPEAKER_02
Sting, too.
4
SPEAKER_02
Sting would be like, how s my hair?
4
SPEAKER_02
We re going into an elevator sketch.
4
SPEAKER_02
How s it now?
4
SPEAKER_02
I like Sting in the elevator.
4
SPEAKER_00
It looks good.
4
SPEAKER_02
How about now?
4
SPEAKER_02
It looked better before.
4
SPEAKER_01
Who was the most nervous of the hosts?
4
SPEAKER_01
Rosanna Arquette.
4
SPEAKER_01
Rosanna Arquette was most nervous.
4
SPEAKER_02
She was great but I remember you d hear that someone was sobbing somewhere.
4
SPEAKER_01
Uh-huh, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_02
And whatever host.
4
SPEAKER_02
Full nervous breakdown.
4
SPEAKER_02
Was broken down.
4
SPEAKER_02
With Steven Seagal you would just go by his office and you just hear, all you d hear is, ah, ah, ah, ah, and some woman having an orgasm.
4
SPEAKER_02
That s all you d hear, you d go by and come out and fluff up.
4
SPEAKER_01
I hope there was a woman in there.
4
SPEAKER_00
I think sometimes Friday night is the night to collapse.
4
SPEAKER_00
If you were even on the show, even when I went back to host, Friday night is the night when the hosts go, you re joking.
4
SPEAKER_00
The sets aren t even all built yet.
4
SPEAKER_00
And all the lines are different from read through.
4
SPEAKER_00
We haven t even rehearsed all of them once.
4
SPEAKER_00
The show is tomorrow and that s if they cry or have a breakdown because they go, we can t do this.
4
SPEAKER_00
And everyone s like- It happens so rarely.
4
SPEAKER_00
It seems like it should happen more.
4
SPEAKER_02
Oh, every, almost every Saturday night, especially the dress shows would go longer and longer where you re still doing the practice show and it s like 1045 and the real show goes on 45 minutes.
4
SPEAKER_02
I go, they re going to put up an old movie tonight.
4
SPEAKER_02
We re never going to make it.
4
SPEAKER_01
This is the worst thing ever.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s when you start hoping for an earthquake or something.
4
SPEAKER_01
Anything!
4
SPEAKER_01
It s a preemption of some kind.
4
SPEAKER_02
Jim Downey, who had such ADD, he would write really, really well, like at 11.
4
SPEAKER_02
Like right outside the office.
4
SPEAKER_02
He needed to get right down to it.
4
SPEAKER_02
He needed to be, no, you cannot procrastinate for one more second.
4
SPEAKER_02
You give you five gems, or they d say, it s in the cards.
4
SPEAKER_02
When you re going on to a set, it ll be in the card, so you re going to live read.
4
SPEAKER_01
That s how I order dinner.
4
SPEAKER_01
I look at the menu and everybody orders.
4
SPEAKER_01
They come to me last.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m like, oh, OK, I ll have the Branzino.
4
SPEAKER_01
I have to order now.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, time s up.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, that s how it is.
4
SPEAKER_01
Some of these people, I m looking through a list of some of the people who hosted the shows when you were both on.
4
SPEAKER_01
And some of these people, like,
4
SPEAKER_01
have no business hosting a show like this.
4
SPEAKER_01
I mean, really, I think this might have been right before you were on, David, but George Steinbrenner hosted the show with Morris Day and the Time.
4
SPEAKER_00
I love Morris Day and the Time.
4
SPEAKER_00
They do funny combos like that.
4
SPEAKER_00
Steinbrenner is a New York institution, and that s what, Lorne, if you re New York-centric, someone from a play can get it.
4
SPEAKER_00
He loves New York, and his friends are from New York, so he likes to go, we got, you know, the lead from... But there was a run there where we had
4
SPEAKER_02
Here s the secret of the show in my opinion.
4
SPEAKER_02
I figured it out yesterday.
4
SPEAKER_02
When it s good, it s good.
4
SPEAKER_02
When it s bad, it s good.
4
SPEAKER_02
So you re watching this billionaire owner of a baseball team try to do sketch comedy, and he sucks.
4
SPEAKER_02
Not his fault.
4
SPEAKER_02
I find that really compelling to watch live and watch people ball.
4
SPEAKER_01
Do you find it disheartening when Kim Kardashian is on and she s funny and you go,
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, okay, where are we now?
4
SPEAKER_01
I saw her monologue and said, what the fuck?
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, like what are we?
4
SPEAKER_01
Are we ventriloquist puppets?
4
SPEAKER_02
Well, here s the thing.
4
SPEAKER_02
When you become that famous and your comedy bit is all about the entire audience knows what you re talking about, but she landed that beautifully and Chris Rock did say, monologue of the year.
4
SPEAKER_02
about Kim Kardashian.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah it was really good.
4
SPEAKER_00
And it was just crushed.
4
SPEAKER_00
Also it s out of nowhere so you get extra points.
4
SPEAKER_02
She scored so hard a part of me did die.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah right.
4
SPEAKER_01
That s kind of what I don t like about what those celebrity roasts became because it went from being a bunch of comics goofing on somebody they presumably knew to famous people reading lines a bunch of mean comedy writers
4
SPEAKER_00
hand it to them.
4
SPEAKER_00
The meanest, angriest comedy writers.
4
SPEAKER_02
What I don t like about that show, but Jeff Ross is great, the show s kind of brilliant, right, but I watch it like Jeff Ross, yeah this is, he s a master at it, but I watch it and I m like, ha ha ha, the person who s being roasted is ha ha ha with relaxed eyes, kind of ha ha ha, and then at some point you see the shot where there s wounded pain
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_02
Behind whoever is being roasted.
4
SPEAKER_01
You mean Chevy, right?
4
SPEAKER_01
You re talking about Chevy.
4
SPEAKER_00
Chevy was the original.
4
SPEAKER_00
He was the fountain.
4
SPEAKER_00
Wasn t he the one where I watched and I said, oh, these guys don t even know him.
4
SPEAKER_00
And it was, it went from Dean Martin Roast.
4
SPEAKER_00
None of them knew him.
4
SPEAKER_00
Where it was fun.
4
SPEAKER_00
And they were like, Don Rickles would go, Dean, we ve drank together.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then they d do a little joke.
4
SPEAKER_00
It was like, sometimes you wake up and your hair looks messy.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then we re like, ah.
4
SPEAKER_00
But it got so rough over the years.
4
SPEAKER_00
But they don t know each other.
4
SPEAKER_00
So you re just, Chevy s looking down at some guy he doesn t know and they re like, hey, you fucking asshole, look over here.
4
SPEAKER_00
And they re like, are you talking to me?
4
SPEAKER_00
And then you re like, how are these people have any business talking to a huge star like this and then really taking their legs out?
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, yeah, although I think it.
5
SPEAKER_00
maybe says something about the person when his friends who are funny don t come to roast him so maybe it means like they re like oh man he s not gonna take this well or maybe they re just like I don t know.
5
SPEAKER_02
Have you been roasted or do you want to be roasted?
5
SPEAKER_00
No no I ve roasted but I have not been roasted but you always get roasted while you re in the vicinity yeah if you re in the room and I ve done like five or six of those you get roasted and yeah sometimes I mean sometimes you get like
5
SPEAKER_00
Like, I don t know, Jeff Ross was in the elevator with Drew Carey and Drew said it was one of the early, early rows.
5
SPEAKER_00
He goes, who s who s on the who s roasting tonight?
5
SPEAKER_00
And he goes, it was the night before.
5
SPEAKER_00
He says, oh, Jimmy Kimmel, Adam Carolla and Drew Carey goes, anybody funny?
5
SPEAKER_00
And Jeff, of course, reported this to me immediately.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I stayed up all night writing the most vicious Drew Carey jokes.
5
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I flayed him, I tore the skin off his body and hung it on the wall.
5
SPEAKER_00
See, that s why you re a success.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s why you re successful.
5
SPEAKER_00
And he was like, Jesus Christ, because he didn t know where it came from.
5
SPEAKER_00
He was probably just joking, you know.
5
SPEAKER_01
I remember old Pam Anderson, when I go, she asked me to do it, and I said, I ll send a video.
5
SPEAKER_01
I was the roast master of that.
5
SPEAKER_01
Okay, I think I sent a video in because I, I m changing my lie.
5
SPEAKER_01
I think, I sent a video in because I go,
5
SPEAKER_01
I don t know in the room, I just don t want to really be there because you get caught in the crossfire and I think that was one where they go, speaking of Anna Warts, Andy Dick is here and the spotlight goes and he s like, what the fuck?
5
SPEAKER_01
I m in the audience.
5
SPEAKER_01
I didn t know I could get it.
5
SPEAKER_02
I was in the parking garage and I got hooded.
5
SPEAKER_00
Suddenly a light comes on.
5
SPEAKER_00
They call you at home.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_02
Was he ever funny?
5
SPEAKER_02
You know, I m like down the block at Sardi s.
5
SPEAKER_00
Speaking of when you re talking about Saturday Night Live and how one guy has to be the dad, one person has to be a mom, etc.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s kind of how those roasts are in that like, you know, somebody s got to be the slut, someone s got to be old, somebody s got to be over, you know.
5
SPEAKER_02
And who is the mic dropper of consistently?
5
SPEAKER_02
I mean, Norman McDonald got famous for going against it with his corny jokes, which was hysterical, but Ross is the ultimate, right?
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, sure.
5
SPEAKER_00
He s the roast master.
5
SPEAKER_01
Martha Stewart got some good ones in on that one roast.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, but that s annoying, right?
5
SPEAKER_00
I mean, she doesn t remember any of those jokes.
5
SPEAKER_01
She thought they were recipes.
5
SPEAKER_00
You say this, and it will kill.
5
SPEAKER_00
The context of it.
5
SPEAKER_00
Some of these people, Jimmy Smits and World Party were on Spade s first episode.
5
SPEAKER_00
That must have made quite an impression on you.
5
SPEAKER_01
He was skilled.
5
SPEAKER_01
He was good.
5
SPEAKER_01
I don t remember tons about that one.
5
SPEAKER_01
Most shows,
5
SPEAKER_01
is really depressing because you go to read through, my first read through I did Life Alert.
5
SPEAKER_01
I wrote it for Jan Hooks.
5
SPEAKER_01
I didn t know you should probably put the host in.
5
SPEAKER_01
I just thought you can write for the cast, the host, you learn later if the host isn t, it s got a better chance.
5
SPEAKER_01
Because the host is partially picking.
5
SPEAKER_01
So I write it for Jan Hooks who is like a host because she s so great.
5
SPEAKER_01
And it was like an old lady that was sad because Life Alert, she was lonely so she d keep calling Life Alert.
5
SPEAKER_01
I ve fallen, I can t get up.
5
SPEAKER_01
Then they come over and she goes, I ve put my hand in the toaster and it s on dark, hurry.
5
SPEAKER_01
And so they, anyway, then she just wanted to hang out with them.
5
SPEAKER_01
So it does, it was fourth in read-through, which is another thing.
5
SPEAKER_01
Early in read-through out of 44 sketches is good.
5
SPEAKER_01
You have attention for about 10.
5
SPEAKER_01
And then people doze off until like the last one, they wake up.
5
SPEAKER_01
So fourth is good.
5
SPEAKER_01
It gets a lot.
5
SPEAKER_01
I m a new writer.
5
SPEAKER_01
It doesn t get on, it gets close.
5
SPEAKER_01
And then after that, I kind of really whiffed.
5
SPEAKER_01
I had to have Conan, Ota Kirk smile.
5
SPEAKER_01
I keep asking him, how do I write this?
5
SPEAKER_01
How many are too many sets to write?
5
SPEAKER_01
This script is 48 pages long.
5
SPEAKER_01
They re like, no, no, no, it s gotta be tighter.
5
SPEAKER_01
So I m just free-balling it.
5
SPEAKER_01
I don t know one thing.
5
SPEAKER_00
Who helped you the most with editing those scripts?
5
SPEAKER_01
You know, those guys, you know, Rob and I would sometimes write together and then,
5
SPEAKER_01
We were both, you know, don t know shit, so we re freshmen, and then I would say Downey, you wanted his attention the most.
5
SPEAKER_01
Smigel, Odenkirk, and, you know, Jack Handy wrote so brilliantly, but it was so different out of my vortex.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, in his own lane, he d take a bath on Sunday and be all done.
5
SPEAKER_01
And you know, and I can t go to, these are your, you know, the turners are there who are great.
5
SPEAKER_01
Everywhere You Turn is a great writer slash competition because X amount of sketches get on, I can t be, if I get one in, it s a fucking miracle.
5
SPEAKER_01
And then you got Mike Myers writing and Dana, Kevin Neal and Dennis, everyone around you, Sandler, Farley, so rock.
5
SPEAKER_01
How can you be as good or better?
5
SPEAKER_01
And that took a long, long time.
5
SPEAKER_01
Some of those early shows, the point was, long story longer, if I wasn t in after read-through, you re sort of done.
5
SPEAKER_01
I m a writer mostly, so I m just walking the halls while people are very busy around me.
5
SPEAKER_01
And that s crushing.
5
SPEAKER_02
I love the athletes and the old movie stars the most.
5
SPEAKER_02
Really?
5
SPEAKER_02
Robert Mitchum and I were in a Jack Handy sketch, it was right before the show ends, and neither of us had any idea what the sketch was about.
5
SPEAKER_02
We were beekeepers in Indonesia or something.
5
SPEAKER_02
That was really cool.
5
SPEAKER_00
With Wayne Kretz... That s very different to say, I could see totally you loving the old movie stars, but then it s weird that you loved also the guys who are real amateurs.
5
SPEAKER_02
Well, Gretzky was so charming, so Canadian charm, and so we re sitting in a sketch where we re playing movie stars, we re rehearsing, and we re Hollywood people advising Gretzky how to play hockey better, and I was Travolta, you have a thing like everybody, the whole team just runs at the net, somebody goes right at the net.
5
SPEAKER_00
You were Barbarino, that s what you were.
5
SPEAKER_02
That was my substitute, yeah.
5
SPEAKER_02
And I did it once on stage in Denver, I m going, you know, going like that, and then he was there and came and tapped me on the shoulder.
5
SPEAKER_02
I call it an impression tap.
5
SPEAKER_02
Was he wearing the pilot outfit?
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, he had the whole look on.
5
SPEAKER_02
Gretzky and I had a sketch that we were going to be water skiing with our shirts off.
5
SPEAKER_02
At the end.
5
SPEAKER_02
And so I was just teasing, he s a great athlete.
5
SPEAKER_02
I just go, well, you know, cause I, I was training at that point for a movie called Opportunity Knocks as I had to have my shirt off.
5
SPEAKER_02
So I was pretty fit, but I was just kidding him like, well, our shirt s going to come off.
5
SPEAKER_02
We ll see what you got, you know, kind of thing.
5
SPEAKER_02
Right.
5
SPEAKER_02
So then I thought he d be just built as a professional athlete.
5
SPEAKER_02
So he d take his shirt off and he s just emaciated on top of him.
5
SPEAKER_02
I look like Schwarzenegger compared to him.
5
SPEAKER_02
He s just all legs as the greatest hockey player.
5
SPEAKER_02
There s nothing on top.
5
SPEAKER_02
So that was a little thing that happened.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yes, athletes  bodies have changed significantly.
5
SPEAKER_02
So never taunt an athlete to take their shirt off because you might be more fit than them.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I know.
5
SPEAKER_00
Wouldn t that be the worst?
5
SPEAKER_00
I don t see that happening to me, being more fit than an athlete or even Robert Mitchum, for that matter.
5
SPEAKER_00
How would you handle watching yourselves on the show?
5
SPEAKER_00
Did you watch yourselves on the show?
5
SPEAKER_00
And if so, when did you do it?
5
SPEAKER_00
Did you like set the VCR on Saturday night and then go home and watch it on Sunday?
5
SPEAKER_02
Couldn t watch it.
5
SPEAKER_02
Never wanted to watch it, David.
5
SPEAKER_01
I d watch Dana.
5
SPEAKER_01
No, but Dana, you could learn from these guys for sure.
5
SPEAKER_01
I sort of had to figure out my own lane of what I did.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I would watch, I don t know... You would watch yourself.
5
SPEAKER_00
Say that again?
5
SPEAKER_00
You would watch yourself.
5
SPEAKER_01
Watching myself was tough because...
5
SPEAKER_00
It s terrible.
5
SPEAKER_01
You could get a VCR.
5
SPEAKER_01
I still can t listen to my own stand-up.
5
SPEAKER_01
I can t watch the specials.
5
SPEAKER_01
You just do it and you walk away and you say, I hope, I ll just go by feedback.
5
SPEAKER_01
If people like it, it works or didn t.
5
SPEAKER_01
I feel this one worked.
5
SPEAKER_01
I feel this one was soft.
5
SPEAKER_01
And then you ll just go from there and try to get better.
5
SPEAKER_01
But with, um,
5
SPEAKER_01
I don t even know what I m saying.
5
SPEAKER_01
I think that s interesting.
5
SPEAKER_02
Well, if you needed to watch your blocking or you had something you re curious about, but I just wanted to feel good out there, and I didn t want to go, oh, I thought it was better than that.
5
SPEAKER_02
But our friend Jon Lovitz, I guess he wouldn t mind saying that he did enjoy, on Monday, he d get a VHS tape, he s on the 17th floor down the hall, and he would watch all of his sketches and just laugh so loud.
5
SPEAKER_02
You d hear Jon down there.
5
SPEAKER_02
That s great.
5
SPEAKER_02
I want to see it again.
5
SPEAKER_02
He had an assistant rewind it.
5
SPEAKER_02
Rewind it more.
5
SPEAKER_02
I want to see my entrance.
5
SPEAKER_02
John will hear this.
5
SPEAKER_00
Get to know me.
5
SPEAKER_02
But you could say that was good, good homework for John.
5
SPEAKER_02
It was obviously one of our all-time greats.
5
SPEAKER_02
So he loved to watch himself.
5
SPEAKER_01
The best thing is when you get, Barley comes off stage and you go, ah, fuck that crowd.
5
SPEAKER_02
He goes, what the fuck, dude?
5
SPEAKER_02
I killed.
5
SPEAKER_01
That s not your fault.
5
SPEAKER_02
He goes, what are you talking about?
5
SPEAKER_02
My most humiliating one, which I never watched, was me and Matthew Broderick, we were all in diapers.
5
SPEAKER_02
We were like babies with bonnets.
5
SPEAKER_00
This is on the show?
5
SPEAKER_00
On the show.
5
SPEAKER_02
A sketch with big diapers, bare-chested with bonnets and suckers, and I don t even remember what the sketch was.
5
SPEAKER_02
I like it already.
5
SPEAKER_02
But we just ate it.
5
SPEAKER_02
I mean, dead silence.
5
SPEAKER_02
And then the commercial break, we re still in the diapers, and the thing, we have to walk through the crowd.
5
SPEAKER_02
And I kind of waved at the crowd, and they looked away.
5
SPEAKER_02
Down!
5
SPEAKER_02
That s stinker.
5
SPEAKER_02
They want to be wave men.
5
SPEAKER_02
Hey, what s up?
5
SPEAKER_00
I m in the diaper and the bonnet.
5
SPEAKER_00
There are certain things in comedy bits that it s funny because they re based on other comedy bits and I think the bonnet is one of them.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s based on cartoons from the 40s or something.
5
SPEAKER_02
I ve never seen an actual baby in a bonnet.
5
SPEAKER_00
No.
5
SPEAKER_00
But we think, okay, yeah, you re a baby.
5
SPEAKER_00
You re going to be in a bonnet.
5
SPEAKER_02
It doesn t protect you from the sun.
5
SPEAKER_02
It doesn t do anything.
5
SPEAKER_02
It s like a hairband.
5
SPEAKER_02
I don t know.
5
SPEAKER_02
But we were in bonnets and diapers.
5
SPEAKER_00
Did you ever go completely blank?
5
SPEAKER_00
And I know there are cue cards.
5
SPEAKER_00
And by the way, I do want to ask you something because one thing that has bothered me consistently about Saturday Night Live for like, I don t know, the whole run of
6
SPEAKER_00
show is the placement of the cue cards because so often, like you ll be sitting at the anchor desk or whatever and facing forward because that s where the cue card, but you re supposed to be having a conversation with the person to the right of you.
6
SPEAKER_00
Why doesn t the cue card guy just move over a little bit and make it just a tiny bit more natural?
6
SPEAKER_01
Jimmy, Jimmy.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
6
SPEAKER_01
Calm down.
6
SPEAKER_03
That was on my notes that I was going to ask today.
6
SPEAKER_03
What the fuck was with the cue card placement?
6
SPEAKER_01
Am I the only one noticing that?
6
SPEAKER_01
It s a big problem.
6
SPEAKER_01
People think you re too married to the cards, they used to say.
6
SPEAKER_01
So Wally, our card guy, maybe he s still there, he would, you d have three sets ideally, but sometimes you all have to decide where you re going to look at the cards because if you go back and forth from the person, the cards, that s when it looks weird on camera.
6
SPEAKER_01
Well, hold on.
6
SPEAKER_03
There s two things.
6
SPEAKER_03
There s update forward and then sketches.
6
SPEAKER_03
So go on about the sketches.
6
SPEAKER_03
It s different.
6
SPEAKER_03
I don t know.
6
SPEAKER_01
But update, you re looking like if Dennis is update host or Neil and they look over to me, I think there should be some over there, but it s not looking at me.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s all you kind of grab them with your eyes and try to guess.
6
SPEAKER_01
it s very hard because if you miss and you also forget what color you are if i m green and i go hey they go oh 10 seconds and you go am i green what were you i was red i think they have different colors and the host is always oh and it s not consistent right yeah yeah because on our show on my cards are now we use teleprompter are black yeah
6
SPEAKER_00
and then Guillermo s blue and then that s all of us there s only two people.
6
SPEAKER_00
Guillermo has lines?
6
SPEAKER_00
I thought he had them.
6
SPEAKER_03
He s funny.
6
SPEAKER_03
The cue cards would tell you what the eyesight was like not to pick on John again but like I d have like 10 lines on my cue card and John would have like two and the letters would be like a foot high yeah because he needed but he didn t want to wear them in the sketch but I would say that
6
SPEAKER_03
In sketches, if I m looking at you directly, I can kind of go, well, I don t know, and look over my shoulder and grab the line from behind me as well.
6
SPEAKER_03
Phil was the best at this.
6
SPEAKER_03
At Update, I thought there was one pivoted, but generally speaking, you don t want to get in a profile with Dennis Miller.
6
SPEAKER_03
You want to stay forward as much as possible.
6
SPEAKER_03
Well, because there s no camera gonna cover you there.
6
SPEAKER_03
Well, because the great thing is you re in the center of the studio, there s an audience there, you want to just face forward.
6
SPEAKER_03
I would do grumpy old man or characters where I was just gonna rant.
6
SPEAKER_03
And so I just went right at the cue cards.
6
SPEAKER_03
That s why I was so potent about it.
6
SPEAKER_03
Sandler was great at that with his guitar and everything.
6
SPEAKER_00
Did you ever see anyone read someone else s line on the show?
6
SPEAKER_00
a line on the cue card that was not for them?
6
SPEAKER_03
Well, when you would be in Toontz is the Cat, it was a driving cat, it was a cat with Victoria Jackson, it was adorable, but she d often just space out, like I d say my line, oh where are we gonna go?
6
SPEAKER_03
And her line would be, we ll get there pretty soon, three, two, I m just kicking her leg, five, six, oh, how?
6
SPEAKER_03
We ll get there pretty soon.
6
SPEAKER_01
So she would adorably space out.
6
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
I remember one time we were walking out for my first sketch I wrote and Farley would do jokes around the set, you know, how are you?
6
SPEAKER_01
You know, he d just do stupid shit.
6
SPEAKER_01
How are you?
6
SPEAKER_01
And then one time he said, uh, I told this girl, why don t you lay me down in the tall grass and let me do my stuff.
6
SPEAKER_01
I go, okay, let s put that in there.
6
SPEAKER_01
And then we were thinking of stuff for him and then he goes, I swallow a lot of aggression along with some pizzas or something, whatever.
6
SPEAKER_01
So we put that in there cause he was like that chubby guy in the sketch, shockingly.
6
SPEAKER_01
And then,
6
SPEAKER_01
We re walking out on air, not dressed.
6
SPEAKER_01
And he goes, I go, remember, say that one just like you said it, Bubba.
6
SPEAKER_01
And he goes, that joke was in stripes.
6
SPEAKER_01
I go, what s that?
6
SPEAKER_01
He goes, that joke was in stripes.
6
SPEAKER_01
I go, that joke was in stripes?
6
SPEAKER_01
And he goes, David, it doesn t matter.
6
SPEAKER_01
And he grabs me really hard.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s all guilt.
6
SPEAKER_01
David, it doesn t.
6
SPEAKER_01
And I go, three, two.
6
SPEAKER_01
And I go, what do we do?
6
SPEAKER_01
So he just does it.
6
SPEAKER_01
And he s looking at me like, like holds his face like, because I go, you, and then afterwards I go, you waited all fucking week.
6
SPEAKER_01
And he goes- He had a week?
6
SPEAKER_01
It was all week we wrote it and he waited until it was live.
6
SPEAKER_01
That s great.
6
SPEAKER_01
No one knows anything.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s in stripes.
6
SPEAKER_01
They can t trace it back to me.
6
SPEAKER_01
I go, I think they can.
6
SPEAKER_01
I think they watched the sketch.
6
SPEAKER_01
You re not going to take the fall.
6
SPEAKER_01
I know.
6
SPEAKER_01
He goes, you re the writer.
6
SPEAKER_01
I go, you fucking asshole.
6
SPEAKER_00
This is crazy.
6
SPEAKER_00
Listen to this lineup week to week to week.
6
SPEAKER_00
Steve Martin and James Taylor.
6
SPEAKER_00
This is, you know, this is to me, this is it s as good as it gets.
6
SPEAKER_00
Followed by Rob Morrow and Nirvana.
6
SPEAKER_00
Followed by Chevy and Robbie Robertson and Bruce Hornsby.
6
SPEAKER_00
And then the next show is Susan Day and C&C Music Factory.
6
SPEAKER_00
And then Jason Priestley and Decent Teenage Band.
6
SPEAKER_00
Let me tell you something.
6
SPEAKER_01
Susan Day had one of the best sketches.
6
SPEAKER_00
I saw it the other day.
6
SPEAKER_01
Someone Twitted it to me.
6
SPEAKER_01
It was the Partridge Family Battle of Bands versus the Brady Bunch.
6
SPEAKER_01
And it was an all cast sketch, so she s Laurie Partridge, and we are every, you know.
6
SPEAKER_01
I was David Cassie.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, David Cassie.
6
SPEAKER_03
We had all the wigs on everything, and it was just like this epic sketch.
6
SPEAKER_03
Barley was Ruben Tinkane.
6
SPEAKER_03
Written by Melanie Hutzel.
6
SPEAKER_03
Did she write that?
6
SPEAKER_03
Well, yeah, or at least that was her idea, yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
She played Jan?
6
SPEAKER_03
She played Jan Brady at, you know.
6
SPEAKER_00
Right, on the Real Life Brady Bunch or something.
6
SPEAKER_00
We watched it, we were so fun.
6
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, she brought that character to the show, so that was a killer sketch.
6
SPEAKER_03
Susan Day was cool.
6
SPEAKER_01
The best I told Dana when I watched it, I was the drummer, I didn t even know I was in it.
6
SPEAKER_01
And I m in the drummer, I go, where the fuck am I?
6
SPEAKER_01
Because Sandler s up there, and he s like, it s time for a change!
6
SPEAKER_01
He was Peter Brady.
6
SPEAKER_01
And then I hear my voice, I go, oh I m the drummer, and then I go, they don t even have a courtesy cut to me?
6
SPEAKER_01
It s just like a wide shot, and you hear, hey guys, we gotta start rehearsing, and I go...
6
SPEAKER_01
fucking pan over, do something, move out of the way.
6
SPEAKER_01
So I see myself inching my head around Dana and go, hi there.
6
SPEAKER_01
Like just cause I go, which camera s got a red light?
6
SPEAKER_01
I gotta have someone back in Arizona know I m on and in this guy.
6
SPEAKER_03
I got blacklisted from the Tonight Show because of Susan Day.
6
SPEAKER_01
Why, what did she do?
6
SPEAKER_03
Because of Susan Day.
6
SPEAKER_03
Because of Susan Day.
6
SPEAKER_03
Do tell.
6
SPEAKER_03
Not directly, but we were doing a Carson s that week and she came on as Susan Day.
6
SPEAKER_03
And it was written, I didn t write it, I don t want to say it, but it was written that Johnny didn t realize the Partridge family wasn t still on the air.
6
SPEAKER_02
How s that show going for you?
6
SPEAKER_02
Danny Bonaduce?
6
SPEAKER_02
He s a real piece of work, isn t he?
6
SPEAKER_02
He s a handful.
6
SPEAKER_03
And that did, and I don t blame, did not sit well with Johnny.
6
SPEAKER_03
Monday after that show, he didn t reference it, but he said, Ed, they think we re senile.
6
SPEAKER_02
Did you know that?
6
SPEAKER_02
It s time to go.
6
SPEAKER_03
So anyway, that was kind of did that bum you out?
6
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, I didn t want to I loved Johnny Carson and I didn t want to be most of my stuff was benign and friendly.
6
SPEAKER_03
I love being in that character because of the earnestness of it.
6
SPEAKER_00
But Carcinio was a truly I mean, it was a somewhat brutal parody of two different people at once, which you don t ever I don t know has ever happened.
6
SPEAKER_02
Johnny recognized and said that to Leno, you know, they re making fun of Arsenio as much as they re making fun of us.
6
SPEAKER_03
So he was smart, he got it.
6
SPEAKER_03
But the senile thing was a bridge too far, so I wasn t asked back.
6
SPEAKER_03
But before that, I was on a show all the time.
6
SPEAKER_03
And I was on the best of every year.
6
SPEAKER_03
I d do a montage and I d come on.
6
SPEAKER_01
He s dead to me, Dad.
6
SPEAKER_01
He s dead to me.
6
SPEAKER_01
Jimmy, when you look at that list, it made me realize that from when I started,
6
SPEAKER_01
And every Monday meeting when you go in there, it was a weird thing that I would think some people had a star thing.
6
SPEAKER_01
Like, you would see them sitting in that chair and they would talk and the way they handled themselves.
6
SPEAKER_01
I literally walk out of there and go, that s a fucking movie star.
6
SPEAKER_01
Like, it hit me.
6
SPEAKER_01
And some people...
6
SPEAKER_01
were just blank to me.
6
SPEAKER_01
Like they just got on that week.
6
SPEAKER_01
They did the show.
6
SPEAKER_01
We have names?
6
SPEAKER_01
I know, I don t want to say names.
6
SPEAKER_01
Who are the movie stars?
6
SPEAKER_01
I will say, you know, like a Sharon Stone is easy.
6
SPEAKER_00
Sharon Stone.
6
SPEAKER_00
That s easy.
6
SPEAKER_01
She comes in dressed up, gorgeous, sits there, knows how to handle herself.
6
SPEAKER_01
There s a, my second show or third show was Alec Baldwin s first, Black Turtleneck.
6
SPEAKER_01
I just watched Hunt for Red October where he s a star.
6
SPEAKER_01
I come and he s got blue eyes, black hair, and he s like, how s it going?
6
SPEAKER_01
Nice to everyone, super cool.
6
SPEAKER_01
Everything about it, he was into the comedy.
6
SPEAKER_01
He would go pitch ideas to people.
6
SPEAKER_01
I just go, this guy s a fucking stud.
6
SPEAKER_01
He s a movie star.
6
SPEAKER_03
He had the hazel blue eyes, like weird blue eyes and just super built.
6
SPEAKER_01
And now and then someone would come by and they re the fourth lead on Melrose Place.
6
SPEAKER_01
All right.
6
SPEAKER_01
But they were okay and they did fine.
6
SPEAKER_01
They did their best.
6
SPEAKER_01
I think Laura Layton.
6
SPEAKER_01
I don t want to make fun of Laura Layton, but we weren t getting the biggest stars for a year there.
6
SPEAKER_01
I remember there was a year where we started sagging
6
SPEAKER_01
You know that show.
6
SPEAKER_01
Oh, that person?
6
SPEAKER_01
No, Grey s Anatomy?
6
SPEAKER_01
They play the janitor?
6
SPEAKER_01
Well, the janitor s friend.
6
SPEAKER_01
That guy s hosting.
6
SPEAKER_01
And so you go, oh, so it s not quite who you think it would be from that show.
6
SPEAKER_01
And then we picked it back up again.
6
SPEAKER_01
But there s people that you see that you go, I get it.
6
SPEAKER_00
There are some people that are, it s, that s one of the, I think this would be a great game.
6
SPEAKER_00
Did they host SNL or not?
6
SPEAKER_00
Now, obviously you guys have an advantage, but.
6
SPEAKER_03
I don t know, let s see.
6
SPEAKER_00
Okay, here s one, and well, you should know, because you were there.
6
SPEAKER_00
Lightning round.
6
SPEAKER_00
Did Sinbad ever host Saturday Night Live?
6
SPEAKER_03
I m gonna say no, because it s so obvious he should ve.
6
SPEAKER_01
I don t, oh.
6
SPEAKER_00
I m gonna say yes, and you were on that show with him.
6
SPEAKER_03
Oh.
7
SPEAKER_00
Dennis Miller Jimmy goes Dennis Miller goes I was on fucking star search with Sinbad we go to the final round and I m doing I m doing my best quality high-end material Sinbad gets up there and goes yeah, we have underpants so big and old.
7
SPEAKER_00
It s just a rubber band four stars
7
SPEAKER_00
You re moving on.
7
SPEAKER_00
And Dennis is sitting there with two and a half going, what the fuck just happened?
7
SPEAKER_02
You know what, that s funny.
7
SPEAKER_02
It can be a rubber band.
7
SPEAKER_01
Booty s so big it drags in the sand.
7
SPEAKER_01
That was his closer.
7
SPEAKER_01
Booty s so big, drags in the sand behind her.
7
SPEAKER_00
No, I did a corporate with him and he fucking blew me out of the water.
7
SPEAKER_01
Well, he destroys it.
7
SPEAKER_01
One time I was doing this theater, I don t remember where, and you know, the stagehand, right before he went out, go, Simbad crushed here last week.
7
SPEAKER_00
I couldn t believe it.
7
SPEAKER_01
Did he do local references?
7
SPEAKER_01
Oh, he did all of them.
7
SPEAKER_01
You know, my first 10 minutes.
7
SPEAKER_00
Moved in here a month before.
7
SPEAKER_01
But yeah, you don t want to follow Simbad.
7
SPEAKER_01
Go ahead, keep going.
7
SPEAKER_01
Tony Orlando.
7
SPEAKER_01
I m just going to say yes now because I don t remember- I think we had Don hosting when I was there.
7
SPEAKER_01
No, I just made that one up.
7
SPEAKER_02
I don t know, I don t have a... We don t get the main guy.
7
SPEAKER_02
I just thought of this idea.
7
SPEAKER_00
I wish I had the whole list, but... Well, Rob Morrow was on Northern Exposure.
7
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, right.
7
SPEAKER_00
It was a big deal.
7
SPEAKER_00
It was, it was.
7
SPEAKER_00
And Nirvana, I remember Nirvana, I remember Kurt Cobain sitting in the hall with Courtney Love, out of their dressing room, just sitting in the hallway by the page desk, and they camped out there.
7
SPEAKER_00
So you just walk by, getting ready, and they re just there, fiddling around.
7
SPEAKER_00
I go, okay.
7
SPEAKER_02
Do you have much interaction with the musical guests?
7
SPEAKER_02
Because at our show, there s much more interaction with the celebrity guests than the music guests.
7
SPEAKER_00
But your music, when I go to the show, on your show, and I like the music, they re at a stage away usually, right?
7
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, there s a satellite.
7
SPEAKER_00
There are two different stages.
7
SPEAKER_00
So I don t really see them, but with this, you re allowed to talk to people.
7
SPEAKER_00
I m sure they don t love it, but
7
SPEAKER_00
They don t know everyone, so they treat everyone like they re important, they don t know that I m some bullshit new writer.
7
SPEAKER_00
But you can go watch rehearsal during dinner, and they do their songs, and then they go eat dinner.
7
SPEAKER_00
So I did set, and I ate with Nirvana both times, because they were younger, I was newer, and didn t know much the first time they came on, same with Pearl Jam.
7
SPEAKER_00
Second time, knew them a little better, liked them a little better.
7
SPEAKER_00
Very interesting, everyone s sort of on the same playing field and cool to each other.
7
SPEAKER_00
So we had a great time.
7
SPEAKER_00
Now, one time I think Cranberries were there, this is stupid, but Marcy Klein was there and they didn t, sometimes they don t do their hit song and you get frustrated.
7
SPEAKER_02
Oh yeah, right, yes.
7
SPEAKER_00
And so there s a deal with the record company, I don t know, it s above my barrier.
7
SPEAKER_00
So I just stand there watching them and I m like, fuck, they re not doing Linger.
7
SPEAKER_00
And I go, all right.
7
SPEAKER_00
So I watch and then Marcy goes, do Linger.
7
SPEAKER_00
But they were recording it.
7
SPEAKER_00
And so, she just goes, she s smoking, she s like, do linger.
7
SPEAKER_00
And they were just rehearsing, so the guy goes, dee dee, you know, starts playing it, and then she s like, fine.
7
SPEAKER_00
You know the singer, she s Irish?
7
SPEAKER_00
But her Irish, I didn t know it, but it came through, because she goes, she was kind of walking through it, if you, and she s like.
7
SPEAKER_00
It s just your attitude.
7
SPEAKER_00
It s tearing me apart.
7
SPEAKER_00
It s raining every day.
7
SPEAKER_00
I was like, oh, she s Irish?
7
SPEAKER_00
Like I never heard it in the real song.
7
SPEAKER_00
But when she was half-assing it, I go, I love it more.
7
SPEAKER_00
And then Marcia gave me a cassette of that.
7
SPEAKER_00
She goes, we taped it.
7
SPEAKER_00
I was like, oh, fuck yeah.
7
SPEAKER_00
So they should do the best of not even dress, the best of rehearsal.
7
SPEAKER_00
The best of forced rehearsals.
7
SPEAKER_01
If you re a fan of a band, because I had a guy, Bob Shrug was his name, Eric Clapton fanatic.
7
SPEAKER_01
So then he comes out to New York.
7
SPEAKER_01
He s in the bleachers on Thursday.
7
SPEAKER_01
You re seeing Eric talking, talking to his band.
7
SPEAKER_01
He s playing the song.
7
SPEAKER_01
He s doing this song.
7
SPEAKER_01
It s hours of immersive stuff into your idol.
7
SPEAKER_01
So that just changed his life.
7
SPEAKER_01
And then when he came back in the show on Saturday, Eric Clapton, he walked by.
7
SPEAKER_01
He was on 8H and Eric remembered his name.
7
SPEAKER_01
You know, hello Bob, how you doing?
7
SPEAKER_01
So that s just a really intimate thing.
7
SPEAKER_02
What about for you guys musically?
7
SPEAKER_02
Now obviously Paul McCartney is probably everybody s answer.
7
SPEAKER_01
I remember Neil Young getting on, he was doing, he was an old man or something, one of his incredible, and I was
7
SPEAKER_01
done with the show that night.
7
SPEAKER_01
I went to the side and was watching him in a chair playing 10 feet away.
7
SPEAKER_01
You have moments like that where you re kind of like, damn, this is an incredible show.
7
SPEAKER_02
Would you have bands that then started playing at the after party?
7
SPEAKER_02
Did that happen regularly?
7
SPEAKER_01
I think Clapton,
7
SPEAKER_01
It was good night, and then I think he played another 20 minutes, and I know that McCartney did.
7
SPEAKER_01
I wasn t there for that one.
7
SPEAKER_01
Didn t McCartney do an extra concert?
7
SPEAKER_02
McCartney, when he was on our show, did 17 songs.
7
SPEAKER_02
Shut the fuck up.
7
SPEAKER_02
After the show?
7
SPEAKER_02
After the show.
7
SPEAKER_02
God kill.
7
SPEAKER_02
17 songs.
7
SPEAKER_02
And the next night, Justin Timberlake was on the show, and he was not feeling well, and he comes to me and he goes,
7
SPEAKER_02
And we were like, you got to do, you know, we closed down the boulevard.
7
SPEAKER_02
We re like, you got to do at least five shows.
7
SPEAKER_02
There s a lot of songs.
7
SPEAKER_02
You get a lot of people out there.
7
SPEAKER_02
And he s like, I said, he goes, how many did McCartney do last night?
7
SPEAKER_02
I said, 17.
7
SPEAKER_02
He s like, fuck.
7
SPEAKER_01
He s like six, seven years younger.
7
SPEAKER_01
There s only one McCartney.
7
SPEAKER_02
the best, though, and they seem to enjoy what they re doing, because so many times that s not the case.
7
SPEAKER_02
And so many times you see them.
7
SPEAKER_02
They re reading their lyrics off a teleprompter.
7
SPEAKER_02
You go, I know the words to this song.
7
SPEAKER_02
How is it possible that you don t?
7
SPEAKER_00
I told Dana that when I have a long story about it, but in my hilarious stand back, but I went to one on Netflix.
7
SPEAKER_00
Now, what s the name of that one s out?
7
SPEAKER_01
But I guess for the new one, what s the name of your Netflix?
7
SPEAKER_00
What is it?
7
SPEAKER_00
Hey, what s it called?
7
SPEAKER_02
It s called Coming Off Gay.
7
SPEAKER_02
I can t even think of it.
7
SPEAKER_01
What s it called?
7
SPEAKER_00
Nothing Personal?
7
SPEAKER_01
I thought it was Hey Buddy.
7
SPEAKER_00
So I do this Haiti, the short version is I do one of those Sean Penn Haiti benefits where you bid on things.
7
SPEAKER_00
It s like Justin Bieber in a hot air balloon ride.
7
SPEAKER_00
It s always really good.
7
SPEAKER_00
Hey, win a rocket ship to Mars with Elon Musk.
7
SPEAKER_00
I ll do that, that sounds fun.
7
SPEAKER_00
But everyone s rich and it s a lot of peer pressure.
7
SPEAKER_00
And so I see tickets to McCartney, Front Row, and Springsteen.
7
SPEAKER_00
And I go, this is something I would do.
7
SPEAKER_00
So they go, it might go to, the estimate was 10 grand.
7
SPEAKER_00
So I go, I tell my table, I ve had a couple of knocks in me.
7
SPEAKER_00
I go, a little loud mouth soup.
7
SPEAKER_00
I go, hey, I might bid on this one.
7
SPEAKER_00
It might buckle up.
7
SPEAKER_00
And they re like, is this guy with you?
7
SPEAKER_00
So I m just talking to people that I have money.
7
SPEAKER_00
And then they go, so I have my paddle up, and Sean s smoking on stage, he goes, alright, the McCartney tickets, I go, here we go, and he goes, I put my thing up, he goes, starting at 50,000, I go, what the fuck?
7
SPEAKER_00
And they go, spade, and I go, no, no.
7
SPEAKER_00
I go, wait, on this it was gonna go increments, like it would go like a thousand, and then there would be an increment, and then I would go, and what s going on with the increments?
7
SPEAKER_00
And he goes, 50, and they re all looking at me, and I go,
7
SPEAKER_00
No, it s just funny that it s 50.
7
SPEAKER_00
I don t care about the money.
7
SPEAKER_00
I just think it s funny.
7
SPEAKER_00
And then they go, 60 over here, 70, 80 spade.
7
SPEAKER_00
I go, all right, well, give me a second.
7
SPEAKER_00
Um, it was 50 and I m, I mean, talk about a markup.
7
SPEAKER_00
I think cause I m like the face value is probably a hundred, 500 let s say.
7
SPEAKER_00
And then I go, that s,
7
SPEAKER_02
Okay, so, you know... And you know you could have gone to that for free.
7
SPEAKER_00
Sure, and I m like trying to be a great guy and I m like, actually, I don t even know, gun to my head, where Haiti is on a map.
7
SPEAKER_00
I m just, I m like, there was an earthquake, but was it that bad?
7
SPEAKER_00
And then, and then they go, and everyone s, DiCaprio s like, who s the cheapskate?
7
SPEAKER_00
I m like, 80, 80, 80 s great.
7
SPEAKER_00
And then they go, 90, 100 spade.
7
SPEAKER_00
I go, it hasn t been one fucking second.
7
SPEAKER_00
It hasn t, it s a pinball game.
7
SPEAKER_01
Are you raising your paddle?
7
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I m like this, he keeps asking me because I m spending.
7
SPEAKER_01
But your paddle s up like that.
7
SPEAKER_00
No, it s down, now I m stepping on it.
7
SPEAKER_00
The paddle s down?
7
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
7
SPEAKER_02
probably the only person whose name he knows in this auction so you really have a disadvantage.
7
SPEAKER_00
I see Charlie s glaring I go I m getting it that s a hundred it s zero to me hundred is literally zero so then he goes the biggest fucking scam in the business is I go I m at a hundred and then they go 125 and I go to my table nobody fucking move this is gonna go away in a second someone s gonna bid I m off the hook and then he goes spade I go no no I m the hundred guy I won
7
SPEAKER_00
125 I go this is illegal and then everyone goes spade spade I go 125 so I won that and I fixed Haiti the good news is Haiti is fixed and Sean Penn is your best friend yeah I mean and then I walked out of there like a bomb went off I was like
7
SPEAKER_00
And they get over there and they go, Amex.
7
SPEAKER_02
The biggest scam is when they get you all the way to the top and then they go, okay, we re going to give away three of these.
7
SPEAKER_02
Especially when you re the one, you know, doing it.
7
SPEAKER_02
It s like, oh really?
7
SPEAKER_02
I got to have dinners with three different parties.
7
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
7
SPEAKER_02
All right.
7
SPEAKER_02
I m an asshole if I say no.
7
SPEAKER_00
I went to McCartney and, and, uh, you get to go to rehearsal and stuff.
7
SPEAKER_00
And then, uh, I didn t really want to get up in his grill and, uh, I didn t even tell him when we interviewed him because I felt bad, but, uh, I felt like he d want to pay me back.
7
SPEAKER_00
Um, so I, uh, and then I met him and he was super cool that night.
7
SPEAKER_00
So, but I, I don t know if he even knew.
7
SPEAKER_00
I think he was just being nice and hurt.
7
SPEAKER_00
I asked to meet him.
7
SPEAKER_02
And then did you guys do that thing with Paul McCartney where you, you didn t talk about the Beatles to be, um, respectful?
7
SPEAKER_01
Well, that s, that s still something I have nightmares about.
7
SPEAKER_01
When we interviewed him on this show, I d sent an email to him, you know, just sort of to his assistant saying, well, assuming he doesn t want to come on, maybe he doesn t want to talk about the Beatles, you can talk about your friendship with Lorne and when you re on SNL.
7
SPEAKER_01
So I went in with that notion and we were trundling along and at one point I brought up Get Back and then we were into the Beatles.
7
SPEAKER_01
The documentary.
7
SPEAKER_01
And that s all he wanted to talk about.
7
SPEAKER_01
That s the funny thing is I think people, and I think
8
SPEAKER_00
most people probably you assume yeah he doesn t he s talked about the Beatles and death or whatever but he does he has no problem talking about the Beatles because I think he want he knows you want to hear about the Beatles.
8
SPEAKER_03
It s very unselfish of him to let yeah tell you things about he s talking about John I mean you don t want to ask about John you don t ask about things that might
8
SPEAKER_03
make him feel weird.
8
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, well, you know that I m sure because with Farley and it s... By the way, zero people have a problem with it.
8
SPEAKER_03
Well, zero.
8
SPEAKER_00
They go like this.
8
SPEAKER_00
Really?
8
SPEAKER_03
Remember?
8
SPEAKER_03
Who was that guy that died that you were really good friends with?
8
SPEAKER_00
I always feel a little bit weird about asking about that because I know it s a heavy subject.
8
SPEAKER_00
It s not just funny stories.
8
SPEAKER_03
We re doing a sort of a special on him.
8
SPEAKER_03
And the thing is, I don t want to dine out on Farley.
8
SPEAKER_03
I did movies with him and I kind of didn t want to separate myself from him, but I just want to not feel like
8
SPEAKER_00
I get it, but I would suggest this, and maybe this will make you feel a little better.
8
SPEAKER_00
What would make Chris Farley happier than hearing you tell stories about the funny things?
8
SPEAKER_00
And a lot of his other friends, too.
8
SPEAKER_00
That s true.
8
SPEAKER_03
I would want people to say funny things, and I wouldn t want anyone to feel awkward while talking about me.
8
SPEAKER_03
And so Chris was obviously a huge part.
8
SPEAKER_03
I mean, one thing I didn t tell Dana is I used to have a foam machine in the old days when it was
8
SPEAKER_03
Actually, the weird part when it went from cassettes to digital for a minute and then they were kind of just on your phone.
8
SPEAKER_03
But it s a physical machine.
8
SPEAKER_03
And so I realized once everyone s leaving such funny messages that I kept them and I go, I just will have this for life.
8
SPEAKER_03
Maybe it ll be an album, maybe something one day, but it s Farley.
8
SPEAKER_03
And these guys, when you have a phone machine, they just do, it s like a show.
8
SPEAKER_03
It s like Sandler.
8
SPEAKER_03
It s like be even here.
8
SPEAKER_03
Oh, yes.
8
SPEAKER_03
Oh, yes.
8
SPEAKER_03
Oh, yes.
8
SPEAKER_03
You know, just whatever.
8
SPEAKER_03
And then Farley goes,
8
SPEAKER_02
Good, good.
8
SPEAKER_02
I says, I says, I says, I says, I says.
8
SPEAKER_02
It just keeps going.
8
SPEAKER_03
And then there s Norm and everyone.
8
SPEAKER_03
So it s like the best of the best.
8
SPEAKER_03
I delete the ones and I had 33 and then someone that was working on my house goes, Hey, I moved your office around.
8
SPEAKER_03
I go, what do you mean?
8
SPEAKER_03
I ran in there.
8
SPEAKER_03
They unplugged it and says zero.
8
SPEAKER_03
And I go, wait, how do we, how, how,
8
SPEAKER_03
And there was no way.
8
SPEAKER_03
And it was, it still bugs me to this day.
8
SPEAKER_03
I go, it was the best that you ll never get back.
8
SPEAKER_01
But I think the reason Paul doesn t mind talking about it is because the Beatles songs is like a wave that was cresting.
8
SPEAKER_01
And I think they re even bigger in the last 10 years.
8
SPEAKER_01
than they were 30 years ago.
8
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, for sure.
8
SPEAKER_01
Because it was too much, too much incredible music, 200 masterpieces, and then it was just sort of Paul doing his stuff, and they kind of got lost.
8
SPEAKER_01
They were always huge, but now I feel like it s this 10.0, and then he decided at one point to do the songs that were traditionally considered Lennon songs.
8
SPEAKER_01
He opened up with Day in the Life, he s doing Strawberry Field, so he s at peace with it.
8
SPEAKER_01
But I didn t know that, but we did get into about 30 minutes of The Beatles, which was great.
8
SPEAKER_00
David, you told me a long time ago, you re on the show, that celebrities would get upset with you.
8
SPEAKER_00
And I think we know everybody knows the stories about Eddie Murphy or whatever, but I ve heard about jokes that you would make during Weekend Update.
8
SPEAKER_00
Hollywood Minute.
8
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
8
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
8
SPEAKER_00
I m sorry.
8
SPEAKER_00
Hollywood Minute.
8
SPEAKER_00
Did you did you have any besides that?
8
SPEAKER_00
Eddie Murphy, you have any uncomfortable
8
SPEAKER_00
Run-ins, meetings, did you start to not go places?
8
SPEAKER_03
Well, it was getting to be a problem with publicists and people, and then like anyone, talk shows, you do jokes with people and you sort of forget them that day, but you run into someone and then you get a weird vibe and you go, oh wait, and you have to rack your brain and go, oh boy.
8
SPEAKER_03
So the only one I remember sort of more vividly was Cameron Crowe at the show and I m over by the 8-H desk and he goes, hey David, Cameron Crowe.
8
SPEAKER_03
And you know he was back with Fast Times, he did Fast Times at Ridgemoor High or whatever.
8
SPEAKER_03
He s done a lot of ton of shit.
8
SPEAKER_03
So I said, oh hey, and I shake his hand and it was like slow motion.
8
SPEAKER_03
He goes, you know my wife, or do you know my wife?
8
SPEAKER_03
And I go to shake her hand and I go, in my head I go, he s married to someone famous.
8
SPEAKER_03
And it was Nancy Wilson from Heart.
8
SPEAKER_03
And she just stared at me.
8
SPEAKER_03
And she goes, you were talking shit about me and my sister.
8
SPEAKER_03
And it just stopped and I go, what are you gonna do?
8
SPEAKER_03
You know, you make a Hollywood minute, you gotta break some eggs.
8
SPEAKER_03
And so I didn t know what to do.
8
SPEAKER_03
I go, yeah, sorry.
8
SPEAKER_03
And then I just sort of drifted off.
8
SPEAKER_03
And the worst part is I love Hart and I made fun of so many people that I liked.
8
SPEAKER_03
It just, it was a desperate move that I was kind of good at at the time of doing that move to stay alive on the show.
8
SPEAKER_03
I mean, Lorne,
8
SPEAKER_03
It was probably two to three years in, and then I did a Hollywood Minute, and they laughed it right through, and then Lauren goes.
8
SPEAKER_03
Good, you found your voice.
8
SPEAKER_03
He said I read through him.
8
SPEAKER_03
And he just said it, because I sat right next to him.
8
SPEAKER_03
And I was like, what does that mean?
8
SPEAKER_03
I didn t really know what that meant.
8
SPEAKER_03
And then it worked.
8
SPEAKER_03
And then about a week later, he goes, maybe Hollywood Minute this week.
8
SPEAKER_03
I go, are you fucking shitting me?
8
SPEAKER_03
Because he s never told me to do a sketch.
8
SPEAKER_03
He s never, I was just scraping to be in sketches.
8
SPEAKER_03
And then that kept me on a few more years.
8
SPEAKER_03
I didn t want to do that one too much either, but it was a good one to go to.
8
SPEAKER_03
And then I started, of a straight, like someone you don t know, young blonde kid from Arizona.
8
SPEAKER_03
out of the business, just taking people s legs out, but saying what people were kind of saying, you know, what they didn t want to say, because it was all People Magazine.
8
SPEAKER_03
There was only magazine with People Magazine, I think, and so they were like so fluffy, the celebrities.
8
SPEAKER_03
So it was interesting to hear someone say something kind of negative.
8
SPEAKER_03
If it was a clever way, like when you go,
8
SPEAKER_03
MC Hammer, doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo, it s over.
8
SPEAKER_03
You know, mean.
8
SPEAKER_03
Julie Brown, wubba-wubba-wubba, my career s in trubba-trubba-trubba.
8
SPEAKER_03
So all those were kind of funny 10 jokes.
8
SPEAKER_01
But remember, and Sandler had it with
8
SPEAKER_01
where he d do it off the side, this and that.
8
SPEAKER_01
Then he s at home base, he s doing the subtitles, and he s having pictures.
8
SPEAKER_01
So Hollywood Minute is like, okay, Hollywood Minute.
8
SPEAKER_01
And then you would have the picture of the person, and you d be right down the lens.
8
SPEAKER_01
So that just really serviced you.
8
SPEAKER_01
as a comedian.
8
SPEAKER_03
Once the crowd bought into it, then they re looking forward to it.
8
SPEAKER_03
Then I do that a few times, and then I get to a level, then Tommy Boy came out, and then like Black Sheep, and then suddenly I m in that sort of area of being known, and then to me it wasn t as interesting, because I go, part of the fun was, it s a nobody, just like, and then I go, I m in this, I know careers are fragile, I get why people feel like shit sometimes with these jokes, I don t like mean jokes about me, so I go, eh.
8
SPEAKER_03
So it faded out, and then that was just toward the end anyway.
8
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, suddenly you feel like maybe you re not punching up anymore.
8
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
8
SPEAKER_01
They re your friends.
8
SPEAKER_03
Now you know everybody in Hollywood.
8
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, and then you see them and you go, I can t do that person.
8
SPEAKER_03
I did one about Aniston I felt bad about.
8
SPEAKER_00
I just said, this is getting stupid.
8
SPEAKER_00
MC Hammer hosted the show while you guys were there.
8
SPEAKER_00
He did the reception.
8
SPEAKER_00
He was... No, not really.
8
SPEAKER_00
He didn t.
8
SPEAKER_00
No, he did.
8
SPEAKER_00
No, he didn t.
8
SPEAKER_01
Well, he did, and I remember I was kind of in my heyday.
8
SPEAKER_01
I was kind of cocky, so the writers came over, and I was coming in at the end of that sketch.
8
SPEAKER_01
David was the receptionist.
8
SPEAKER_01
Oh, yeah, I did.
8
SPEAKER_03
My first, where I go, and you are... That was my first sketch that actually worked.
8
SPEAKER_03
Five to one.
8
SPEAKER_01
No, Phil was Jesus.
8
SPEAKER_01
Was I an alien or something?
8
SPEAKER_03
He wasn t that one.
8
SPEAKER_03
The first one was MC Hammer.
8
SPEAKER_03
You came in as an alien, I think.
8
SPEAKER_01
An alien.
8
SPEAKER_03
I didn t know who anyone was.
8
SPEAKER_03
And then when it came back again, it was first SketchUp.
8
SPEAKER_03
I think it was Roseanne.
8
SPEAKER_03
I think it was...
8
SPEAKER_03
Phil as Jesus.
8
SPEAKER_01
But I remember MC Hammer is there and the writers are off to the side and I was just kind of kidding around.
8
SPEAKER_01
I go, what do you guys want?
8
SPEAKER_01
You want a big laugh when I come in or you want an applause break?
8
SPEAKER_01
I mean, you know, what do you want?
8
SPEAKER_01
I ll put on whatever meat you want.
8
SPEAKER_01
And MC Hammer coming from the streets.
8
SPEAKER_01
He just thought that was the greatest, man.
8
SPEAKER_01
You can t touch this.
8
SPEAKER_01
I gotta admit, that song was fucking catchy.
8
SPEAKER_01
It s unreal.
8
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
8
SPEAKER_03
I mean, come on.
8
SPEAKER_03
Dude, I think Vanilla Ice came on.
8
SPEAKER_03
I was rocking out as much as anyone.
8
SPEAKER_03
I mean, that song, there s some toe tappers in that room.
8
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, although the parts that are actually catchy were written by someone else and then just wrapped over, right?
8
SPEAKER_00
I was willing to look the other way.
8
SPEAKER_00
You were, okay.
8
SPEAKER_01
But then you couldn t do commercials then.
8
SPEAKER_01
Then he did a Taco Bell, you can t touch this, the Burrito Supreme.
8
SPEAKER_01
Now anyone could do a commercial.
8
SPEAKER_01
You can t eat all this.
8
SPEAKER_01
I missed it.
8
SPEAKER_01
The 90s, I left a lot of money on the table.
8
SPEAKER_01
You can t do that.
8
SPEAKER_01
You re Bob Dylan.
8
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, that changed in a big way.
8
SPEAKER_03
Dan was supposed to do, isn t that a special deal for a Big Mac?
8
SPEAKER_03
And he was like, it s too clunky.
8
SPEAKER_01
No.
8
SPEAKER_01
Oh, I had Church Lady for a Taco Bell.
8
SPEAKER_01
I had them all lined up.
8
SPEAKER_03
I did a Super Bowl commercial when I was way earlier than I should have on Fast & Al, because I had no money and they offered me a Diet Pepsi commercial.
8
SPEAKER_03
And then Gervitz goes, all right, it s all set.
8
SPEAKER_03
We just got to run it by Lauren.
8
SPEAKER_03
I go, why?
8
SPEAKER_03
Well, you know, we just contract, contracting.
8
SPEAKER_03
I go, no, no, no.
8
SPEAKER_03
Well, it shouldn t be a problem.
8
SPEAKER_03
And then he goes, ah, he killed it.
8
SPEAKER_03
I go, he killed my Super Bowl commercial?
8
SPEAKER_01
That was after John and I did ours?
8
SPEAKER_00
It must have been, yeah.
8
SPEAKER_00
Did you mention that?
8
SPEAKER_00
Mark, what are you doing?
8
SPEAKER_00
We re gonna talk to Mark after this, but... Can I tell a Super Bowl commercial in 10 seconds?
8
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah.
8
SPEAKER_01
So John and I are doing, we did one, it really crushed, so we re doing the second one.
8
SPEAKER_01
And it s a series of like two-second shots.
8
SPEAKER_01
We re filming in New Orleans, we re everywhere, and it s a quick thing for American Express, and our catchphrase was, yes, that.
8
SPEAKER_01
So we re in a stadium in Miami, and we gotta wear Hawaiian shirts for a two-second shot.
9
SPEAKER_02
shot in the stands so I go in there s 300 Hawaiian shirts to pick so I pick one and come out with a Hawaiian shirt and I m sitting there and John goes I ll go get my Hawaiian shirt he goes in there he s in there for like a half hour he comes out goes over to me and goes could I wear your shirt?
9
SPEAKER_02
I swear to God!
9
SPEAKER_02
I go John there s 300 shirts!
9
SPEAKER_02
Can I wear your shirt?
9
SPEAKER_00
You got the best one.
9
SPEAKER_02
You got the best shirt.
9
SPEAKER_02
Of course I wouldn t take it off.
9
SPEAKER_02
No, of course not.
9
SPEAKER_02
It was the best one.
9
SPEAKER_02
That s how I teased John.
9
SPEAKER_02
Of course I got the best one.
9
SPEAKER_01
I know I got it.
9
SPEAKER_01
We both know I got it.
9
SPEAKER_01
I can imagine you were super bummed about not being able to do that commercial.
9
SPEAKER_00
Sick.
9
SPEAKER_00
I think it was 250 grand and I
9
SPEAKER_00
was making about $1,500 a week on the show.
9
SPEAKER_01
Is that right?
9
SPEAKER_01
You re making $1,500 a week.
9
SPEAKER_01
I was wondering about that.
9
SPEAKER_01
Do you ever get paid a lot to be on Saturday Night Live?
9
SPEAKER_02
I think I started at $4,500 and maybe left at $1,200.
9
SPEAKER_00
I was 900 because I was just a writer and so 900 a week to write and then I got a $1,500 bump if I was on, I think.
9
SPEAKER_00
And so, but I was fine with that.
9
SPEAKER_00
So did that and then it got up to, then like the second year was like 3,500 a show and then the next week, next year 45.
9
SPEAKER_00
So it never got like astronomical.
9
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, well I mean it sounds, you know, obviously it s not a lot of money for show business.
9
SPEAKER_00
When you re dreaming of riches.
9
SPEAKER_01
And you re living in New York.
9
SPEAKER_02
There s nothing like it.
9
SPEAKER_02
One thing I d like to just insert at this point is that for people to understand that David Spade and Rob Schneider were in the ether of stand-ups and Dennis and I both knew them
9
SPEAKER_02
And thought they were kind of the best guys out there.
9
SPEAKER_02
I mean, I did a lot of stand-up with Rob Schneider, and I met David before and would see him at the improv.
9
SPEAKER_02
So some people go, how did you know David Spade?
9
SPEAKER_02
Why are you doing this podcast?
9
SPEAKER_00
I ve known him since he was... And he was another one to whisper to Lauren, like, in the talent department, like, he s good.
9
SPEAKER_00
Do you remember when you met?
9
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, well, I was living with Kevin Nealon and Bob Dubac in a house.
9
SPEAKER_01
Did you ever live with anyone who isn t famous?
9
SPEAKER_02
They weren t famous then, you know what I mean?
9
SPEAKER_02
But my wife and I, to save money to buy a house, she was working writing speeches and was working for an assembly out in the valley.
9
SPEAKER_02
And the rent was 300.
9
SPEAKER_02
We had a hot plate and we lived above the garage.
9
SPEAKER_02
And the dryer had no heat on it, but they just roll it for like all day long, it would roll to dry.
9
SPEAKER_00
It was just a roller.
9
SPEAKER_02
So it was just at this little carport and Nealon was across the way and then I got on pulled him in but I met David there at that house just hanging out Because I was a stand-up met Nealon and loved his stand-up loved Dana, of course.
9
SPEAKER_00
He s the best Dennis Miller.
9
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, and then Dana wasn t At the club as much as Kevin was kind of grinding away, but Dana was sort of someone I didn t get to see a lot But I just thought was great and then Kevin goes.
9
SPEAKER_00
Hey, I got SNL Do you want to rent my room?
9
SPEAKER_00
I m going to be gone.
9
SPEAKER_00
I said, yeah, I need it.
9
SPEAKER_00
He heard me saying I needed a place.
9
SPEAKER_00
He goes, well, I m going to rent my room out.
9
SPEAKER_00
So we made this deal and I, and when he came home, he was very nice.
9
SPEAKER_00
He stayed on the couch.
9
SPEAKER_00
He let me keep the room.
9
SPEAKER_00
He didn t take his room back.
9
SPEAKER_00
The fucking Dana Carvey lives above the garage in my own house.
9
SPEAKER_00
So I m like, holy shit.
9
SPEAKER_00
I get to see him.
9
SPEAKER_00
Dubac s a comedian.
9
SPEAKER_00
There s a writer living there.
9
SPEAKER_00
And then, uh, and Kevin.
9
SPEAKER_00
So when they d come back, I would get to hear stories, not even thinking that would be somewhere I would end up.
9
SPEAKER_00
I was just like shitting that
9
SPEAKER_00
these two famous guys that I think are greater, are somewhere where I get to talk to them.
9
SPEAKER_00
And so that was, you know, I go back to Arizona and be like, I feel like, I remember I saw Judd Nelson at a keg party when I was visiting LA.
9
SPEAKER_00
And I felt like I was in showbiz because you re in the vicinity.
9
SPEAKER_00
So you ran into someone where someone that s been in a movie was, I m getting warmer.
9
SPEAKER_00
And that s how you think.
9
SPEAKER_00
And so I go, oh, I m fucking talking to Dana and Kevin and I m at the improv.
9
SPEAKER_00
So I m getting at least closer to what I hopefully will do.
9
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, Dennis Miller I knew from the clubs, and then he got on SNL, and then we played the Comedy Magic Club and we re driving back, and then he tells me about the pressure of SNL.
9
SPEAKER_02
Christ sakes, Carmelo, it ll eat you up, tear you apart, man.
9
SPEAKER_02
I mean, there s no gig like this on Earth.
9
SPEAKER_02
Honestly, gotta go home crying most nights, you know?
9
SPEAKER_02
You sure you want to do this thing?
9
SPEAKER_02
It s not good.
9
SPEAKER_00
Don t wish too hard.
9
SPEAKER_00
It might come true.
9
SPEAKER_02
But it was incredibly told to us, this is a pressure cooker like no human being has ever, ever been in.
9
SPEAKER_02
And we got it anyway.
9
SPEAKER_01
Does the pressure, does it ever wane?
9
SPEAKER_01
Do you feel as you get more comfortable?
9
SPEAKER_00
You feel steadily sick.
9
SPEAKER_00
Like you have mild COVID the whole run.
9
SPEAKER_00
Really?
9
SPEAKER_00
The whole six years I did it.
9
SPEAKER_00
You know, Dennis, we d walk in the room, he s in the writer s room, he did update, you know, but he didn t really want to be in sketches and shit.
9
SPEAKER_00
So he would just sit there and we d walk in and he would, we re the new guys, so he d haze us.
9
SPEAKER_00
Chris Rock, angry black guy, is that it?
9
SPEAKER_00
He d go around the room like a shooting gallery.
9
SPEAKER_00
Tim Meadows, black guy, not even angry.
9
SPEAKER_00
You re the nice guy.
9
SPEAKER_00
What s that all about?
9
SPEAKER_00
You got nothing.
9
SPEAKER_00
Farley, fatty, fall down.
9
SPEAKER_00
Anything else?
9
SPEAKER_00
Sano, the cross-eyed guy.
9
SPEAKER_00
What s next on the docket?
9
SPEAKER_00
Spudley, zero.
9
SPEAKER_00
Dana, push him off a building.
9
SPEAKER_02
And Farley would beg him, because I was with Dennis once, we d say, let s stomp by with the junior varsity.
9
SPEAKER_02
And they re all lined up and Farley s like, come on, do it!
9
SPEAKER_02
And then he would do his shooting gallery.
9
SPEAKER_02
But everyone is laughing their ass off.
9
SPEAKER_02
I get it, I get it.
9
SPEAKER_02
Christ sakes, they re not buying that hand contorted guy.
9
SPEAKER_02
But anyway.
9
SPEAKER_02
What about the last show?
9
SPEAKER_02
Your last shows?
9
SPEAKER_02
I remember it.
9
SPEAKER_02
That was probably the loosest I was.
9
SPEAKER_02
I think after about 80 shows I got way more comfortable because I was having so much success and Wayne s World was cooking and everything.
9
SPEAKER_02
My last sketch that I remember, I played Prince Charles, now King Charles,
9
SPEAKER_02
who shrinks himself, scientists shrink him down to the size of a tampon so that he can live in the trousers, yeah.
9
SPEAKER_02
And I didn t know later there was a royal in England watching this crying because it was very cruel but hysterical.
9
SPEAKER_02
He gave a speech to the nation, I shall be going to a place that s very dark.
9
SPEAKER_02
I shall be shrinking into the size of a tampon so I can live in the trousers of my
9
SPEAKER_02
Sounds like a Jack Kennedy or Robert Smigel, I don t know.
9
SPEAKER_01
But that was... But what about, okay, so that s your last sketch, but what about like at the party afterwards, was it where, did someone, was a toast made to you?
9
SPEAKER_01
Was there special attention given?
9
SPEAKER_02
No, I just left in the middle of the season.
9
SPEAKER_02
There was, you didn t get a dance or Lauren clinking champagne glasses.
9
SPEAKER_02
There was no official goodbye.
9
SPEAKER_02
Why did you leave in the middle of the season?
9
SPEAKER_02
That was a really stupid decision.
9
SPEAKER_02
It was because I got so hot off the show, like too hot, too hot for my own good because Wayne s World, all the political stuff, Ross Perot, Churchill, everything is cooking.
9
SPEAKER_02
Hans and Franz had a movie deal.
9
SPEAKER_02
So then there was a stupid movie for a lot of money and I thought, well, I have to leave pretty soon.
9
SPEAKER_02
Anyway, I m at a peak here.
9
SPEAKER_02
Where do I go from here?
9
SPEAKER_02
And so that s why, and the movie was starting at such a time.
9
SPEAKER_02
it you know it probably wasn t the best choice but anyway it happened but that I got too hot off the show and so I got offered things that I had no business doing you know if I had a little less heat.
9
SPEAKER_01
You remember something that you decided you had to turn down because you were on the show?
9
SPEAKER_02
I turned down a lot of things.
9
SPEAKER_02
You mean one that kills you?
9
SPEAKER_01
No, not really.
9
SPEAKER_02
I loved doing the show, really.
9
SPEAKER_02
I was developing Hans and Fran s The Girlyman Dilemma.
9
SPEAKER_02
Wrote that script with Conan and Neil and Smuggle and myself.
9
SPEAKER_02
And then I had Tucson, which I wrote with Bob Odenkirk, which was a really funny Western for me and John Lovitz.
9
SPEAKER_02
So I had those in development, and then they were just trundling along, so then it was taking time, and then you re offered these movies for generational wealth type amounts, and probably not a good idea, but too much heat.
9
SPEAKER_01
How about you, did you finish out the season?
9
SPEAKER_00
And when you leave, I think the next move is, back then, the networks would probably let you try your own show.
9
SPEAKER_00
You know, like, it s Spady.
9
SPEAKER_00
Right.
9
SPEAKER_00
But that s a big gamble, and there was, Just Shoot Me was a Brillstein production that was almost- How long, how much time elapsed between Just Shoot Me and your- I don t, I think it was the following year we did the pilot, yeah.
9
SPEAKER_02
Oh, you started in 96?
9
SPEAKER_00
So, I was out of there in 96.
9
SPEAKER_00
We did, um,
9
SPEAKER_00
The pilot was already shot and in New York with Laura to be on the lineup.
9
SPEAKER_00
You know how that works for the upfronts.
9
SPEAKER_00
And they called her that night and said, we re not gonna have you come out and fly back home, which is so weird.
9
SPEAKER_00
Because they had four people and they said, we want to add something to this.
9
SPEAKER_00
So Mark and Brad Gray showed it to me and they said, do you think you could fit into this?
9
SPEAKER_00
And it s a fifth lead, but you could make, it s a guy from Larry Sanders, Steve Levitan.
9
SPEAKER_00
And so we all talked and I thought, you know, I think this is safer.
9
SPEAKER_00
funny people, but there s no way they re funnier than what I just came from.
9
SPEAKER_00
So they were just great actors and they were funny too.
9
SPEAKER_00
So it just mixed well and then I got to do that.
9
SPEAKER_00
But I did a movie, like Dana was saying, I did a movie Lost and Found during that.
9
SPEAKER_00
And if you do one movie, no matter how much heat you have, it didn t work well.
9
SPEAKER_00
And that lost all the heat in movies for
10
SPEAKER_03
I had to build up over just shoot me get up for an Emmy up for a Golden Globe.
10
SPEAKER_01
Was Julie Bowen in that with you?
10
SPEAKER_01
Sophie Marceau.
10
SPEAKER_01
Sophie Marceau.
10
SPEAKER_02
Because they assume even though you re you re thinking they ll understand because someone is directing it writing and producing I m just doing the best I can I know the train has left the station and we re dying here but it s it s like David Spade s lost and found you know.
10
SPEAKER_03
And it didn t work I mean Sandler told me right before it came out he goes hey because he knew more about it and he goes
10
SPEAKER_03
you got to beef up your marketing because it s not testing, it s not tracking well.
10
SPEAKER_03
It s not going to open big.
10
SPEAKER_03
And I m like, you already know this?
10
SPEAKER_03
It s a couple of days before.
10
SPEAKER_03
He was on Waterboy at that point.
10
SPEAKER_03
It was fucking huge.
10
SPEAKER_03
So he said, try to get your guys to this.
10
SPEAKER_03
Anyway, it was too late.
10
SPEAKER_03
Didn t do well.
10
SPEAKER_03
I couldn t get another movie for three years and had to do well.
10
SPEAKER_03
You know, like I said, up for a Golden Globe, up for another one, up for an Emmy.
10
SPEAKER_03
And then after all that heat, you get another shot at it.
10
SPEAKER_03
and so did another one, and then that worked better, and then it kept me around, but like Dana was saying, if you do one movie, it doesn t work perfectly.
10
SPEAKER_03
It can evaporate so much of your fucking momentum.
10
SPEAKER_01
It stops you.
10
SPEAKER_01
And it also can go the other way, where you suddenly have more momentum than maybe you can handle.
10
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I mean, I did Trapped in Paradise with John and Nicholas Cage, and that one is a long story.
10
SPEAKER_02
It s a whole novel in itself, but it was stillborn.
10
SPEAKER_02
And then I m reading Dana Carvey s Trapped in Paradise.
10
SPEAKER_02
Like Alfred Hitchcock Presents, I was like, what the fuck?
10
SPEAKER_02
I was wandering in the snow for six months in Canada.
10
SPEAKER_02
I didn t even know what my lines were.
10
SPEAKER_02
But Nicolas Cage was fun to work with.
10
SPEAKER_02
He is a character.
10
SPEAKER_01
Do you think back on those days as like, now that you think back on them in the same way you think back on going to school?
10
SPEAKER_02
I would say that, yes, if you go back to your high school on a Sunday afternoon and just walk around the high school and maybe see some of the old pictures, whatever that feeling is,
10
SPEAKER_02
When I go to SNL, if I m up on the 17th floor, I ll be walking down the hall and I ll see me and Phil from 30 years ago and other pitchers.
10
SPEAKER_02
And so it s very, it s nostalgic, it s melancholy, it s very odd.
10
SPEAKER_02
But mostly as time goes on, you just, you feel very grateful for it.
10
SPEAKER_02
It was the linchpin for me completely.
10
SPEAKER_02
Sure, nothing would happen.
10
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, so it s just such a lucky thing.
10
SPEAKER_03
I see the same thing.
10
SPEAKER_03
You go back in there and you get like your heart drops.
10
SPEAKER_03
You re like, fuck, you re walking into 30 Rock going,
10
SPEAKER_03
Every time I walked in here, I was sick to my stomach.
10
SPEAKER_03
Here we go.
10
SPEAKER_03
So even when you re just visiting or whatever, I only went once when I wasn t hosting or something, and it just gave me the same weird feeling.
10
SPEAKER_03
But I look at the photos and it s just like, oh my God, there s so much going on here.
10
SPEAKER_03
And sad, you see Phil who passed away, you see Norm, obviously Chris, and you just go, shit, Jan, and all the people you were with, and you re just like lucky to still be around, lucky that I had this.
10
SPEAKER_03
And you see Lauren, and Lauren is really fun to see because,
10
SPEAKER_03
As tough as it was, it was a lot in your head.
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Like he s thinking about you every day going, I m going to squash this bug.
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And I m like, he doesn t give a fuck.
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He just wants the funny sketches to be on.
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You guys fight it out.
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We re putting on a good show.
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And then that s just the way it s always been.
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and now it doesn t really matter and then it s very fun to see him.
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I think just having been on it is so surreal because as a kid dreaming of this secretly, I wasn t in theater arts or anything but watching variety shows, you know, Flip Wilson and laughing and all those old-fashioned ones and then seeing Steve Martin on it and they were badass pirate rock stars the first cast.
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I was in college and they were like, oh my god, damn, and then
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five or six years later, suddenly I m in their chair.
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I just felt like, don t we need someone besides me?
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The minute I got it, I really felt incredibly nervous that I was going to be the one to ruin the show.
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That the show, I d actually turn the lights out.
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The switch is over there, 8H.
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There, you just press it down because you re the one who fucking drove it into a ditch.
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And that was the fear, but fear drives you.
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So I would say it s still... I remember George Bush Sr.
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saying to me, because we would hang out years later and stuff, we were friends, he goes,
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I can t even believe I was president.
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I can hardly understand it.
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It became a surreal thing to him 15 years later.
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I know I was in there.
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I pressed some buttons, made some speeches.
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Very hazy.
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Haze?
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Hazy!
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You don t think about the lead up when you see somebody like I remember seeing you on Saturday Night Live and just going like, oh, yeah, there s Dana Carvey.
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He was born to be on this show.
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He s he came out of the womb doing characters.
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And of course, this makes perfect sense.
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But never do you think of the struggle.
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And by the way, I ve never heard anybody say anything like that about a president, because I always assumed the guys who wind up president, with one notable exception, are planning for it when they run for the student council.
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in the eighth grade, they re thinking about it way back then.
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He was a unique character.
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Because once you hit the president, then it s over.
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Then he s like, this is my whole life.
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And then now what do I do?
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I ve only tried to get to this to be a president.
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So afterwards, if it s 10 years, then he s like- If you re an SNL cast member at a given point, you re an ex SNL cast member.
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I remember Fred Armisen after he left, which is, you always feel like someone is doing my job and they re doing it better than me.
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He s like, how do you deal with that?
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But for me, I did not have the confidence, even with, I learned later as I went along, I go, I m a fish in water.
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This is actually really, I got much, much better.
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I d never done sketch comedy until the very first cold opening, which I didn t even know I was in on the very first show.
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Every time I got a laugh when I was doing church chat, I wanted to turn to the audience like a standup.
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I had to force myself to stay in the scene.
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So I needed to learn how to do sketch comedy.
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And I fell in love with it, of having Phil as a partner and Mike Myers and Kevin Nealon and stuff.
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So that part, instead of being a stand-up, it was just fun to be part of a kick-ass A-team.
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Like, everyone s great on the show.
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And leaving the show, I didn t go to college that much.
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I mean, I m super smart, but it s not... Scottsdale Community College, right?
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Were they the Pirates?
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I went to SEC, the Artichokes.
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The Artichokes.
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Went to Arizona State.
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Me too.
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I went there too, yeah.
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See, look at this.
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By the way, Bill Hader moved from Oklahoma to go to community college in... I was like, what?
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This is where the kids who didn t do so good in high school were here.
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I ll see you later, Dad.
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I m going to Scottsdale.
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That s like fame, the academy.
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They re like, three made it.
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Now, 300 million didn t.
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But he wasn t aware of you guys going to there.
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No, no, but he, I don t think it seemed crazy to him until I reacted strongly to that bit of news.
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Like when you went to the community college down the block from my house.
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It s the, from like you traveled to go there.
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Nobody, everybody goes there.
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I m going to leave ma.
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I leave you now.
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Like I was saying, I don t really have friends from college, but I do have friends from high school and then I have SNL people.
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So yeah.
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I feel the same way, I don t, yeah.
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I saw Chris Rock, I talked to him yesterday, I talked to Adam Moore, but there s guys, because the podcast that you get to talk to for an hour, like Bill Hader, where I would see him at a party and talk for two minutes, but to get the bullshit is really fun, and it s sort of reminiscing about us, or about whatever we talk about, but that is nice to get someone trapped for an hour, you just get to catch up.
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Yeah, with Bill,
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The revelation was how much nervous energy he had around that show.
10
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I mean, really full of fledged panic attacks, all kinds of, because he was so great on the show, you know, right up there with anybody and just so nervous.
10
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And man, I don t know how he hit it, but it was a really big deal and very interesting to hear about.
10
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You wonder what the toll, like when
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at the end of it all.
10
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Well I had a blocked artery like three years later so you know besides my genetics.
10
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It s like COVID where you go do I have long SNL?
10
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No I would go they d say three two one I d be bush because I did so many in ones and the whole show s riding on me and I ve got nine minutes of dialogue and my heart would be just pounding out of my chest but you have to try to
10
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Relax, with the people I couldn t pick up things, my hands were so sweaty and I couldn t pick up pieces of paper in the early days for sure, it was just too fucking nerve-wracking.
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Yeah, it s not just like, I mean, ultimately it s like you want to be funny, that s number one, you want to be funny, but also like, yeah, as you mentioned earlier, like sometimes
10
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the future of your whole family is riding on this.
10
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Oh, yeah.
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What am I gonna do if this doesn t work?
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And if I didn t kill in the clubs, then I didn t get to the middle act.
10
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If I didn t kill there, I didn t get to headline, and then the middle act s trying to knock me off.
10
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I came in with the mindset of a stand-up.
10
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Like, I don t want to just get laughs.
10
SPEAKER_02
I want to levitate.
10
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I want to destroy the room, for better or for worse.
10
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That was where I was thinking all the time, or else I m gonna get fired.
10
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or I m not going to be in the show at all.
10
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So you had to really, really strategize about that.
10
SPEAKER_03
And if people, parents, relatives, when you say you re a stand-up, that s all good and well.
10
SPEAKER_03
It s not as impressive to go, oh, I just did Gutbusters and we filled up the Late Show Friday.
10
SPEAKER_03
Oh, I m at Sidesplitters in Mississippi.
10
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And they go, great.
10
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And then you go, oh, I m got on SNL.
10
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Then it just perks people up.
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It s something they know.
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Something works.
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They can easily explain to their friends
11
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That and going on Johnny Carson.
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I got on once, he s been on a lot.
11
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That s the surrealness of when you go on television, Carson or SNL, how it affects everyone you know.
11
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And then it s starting to happen and you re starting to get famous and someone s asking for your autograph.
11
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All of that is like, you re in a dream state in a sense.
11
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It s like, wait a minute, I got on SNL?
11
SPEAKER_01
I m actually doing well?
11
SPEAKER_01
What?
11
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I still haven t wrapped my, I can t believe I was on SNL.
11
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It s all crazy.
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It s crazy stuff.
11
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I loved talking to you guys, that was a lot of fun.
11
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You will get paid for the extra half hour.
11
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Okay, well, okay, good.
11
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I have no sense of time, I don t know how often we talk too long.
11
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We could do it all day.
11
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Appreciate it, Jimmy.
11
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We loved it, and thank you for doing this.
11
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We know you have another job, but thanks for doing it.
11
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We also have a studio up in Santa Ynez, above Santa Barbara, and we d like to invite you to drive up there and interview us.
11
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Yeah, almost.
11
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Just all over the country.
11
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Well, we ll get a couple microphones.
11
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We ll tape the whole drive, you know.
11
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So, but anyway, no, thanks for coming.
11
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Thanks for having me.
11
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Thanks for coming to Fly on the Wall.
11
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I appreciate it.
11
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Jimmy Kimmel, ladies and gentlemen.
11
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Christ sakes, this guy, Gus, is everywhere.
11
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Hey, what s up, flies?
11
SPEAKER_00
What s up, fleas?
11
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What s up, people that listen?
11
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We want to hear from you and your dumb questions.
11
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Questions, ask us anything.
11
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Anything you want.
11
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You can email us at flyonthewallatcadence13.com.
11
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All right, guys, we got a question here from Dave Castelletta.
11
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Castelletta, I think.
11
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Dana, not now, not here, not now.
11
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We re trying to start the year off.
11
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I want to say, if I m reading better than you, what s it say about your eyesight?
11
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I ve got sunglasses on.
11
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Dave, did I get that right?
11
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Yeah, there was an L in there.
11
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Love you both, and I love the podcast.
11
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This is a great question.
11
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Oh, it keeps going.
11
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I like this guy s opinion.
11
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In your post SNL years, have you ever come up with a sketch idea?
11
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Yeah.
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And if so, what do you do with them?
11
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Garbage.
11
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Do you ever share the ideas with current cast members?
11
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Just wondering, you two are the best.
11
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I like when they begin with a compliment.
11
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You don t share them because then they would score and get laughs.
11
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And where would you be?
11
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I know.
11
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I did for a while, I would call them in.
11
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I would say, I actually did it recently.
11
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Dan Bull is a writer there that I like, and he s the only one I really talk to that s a writer.
11
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But I do like that idea.
11
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It was very hard when he left, because the pressure was off.
11
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So you d sometimes go, oh, here s a good angle on what s going on in the news, or here s funny commercial parody, or I m sure it was dog shit.
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But sometimes I d comment.
11
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I don t think it s ever come to fruition.
11
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Even when you go to host, I don t know if you did this, Dana, a lot of people come with,
11
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A few people come with a writer, like they get nervous.
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Yeah.
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Like if they re a comic or they re from a show, they say, I m going to bring two of my guys, Jamie Foxx or someone, you know?
11
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Yeah, yeah.
11
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And it s such a different kind of animal to go write a sketch and fit in with all what they re doing.
11
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They re not really against it there.
11
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They just, it s so hard to make it work, but they, a host understandably gets nervous.
11
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And they go, these people know my sense of humor.
11
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I think I did it when I went there.
11
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I think I went in with a sketch idea.
11
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It doesn t always make it to the finish line, but they definitely do it.
11
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So the question is, yeah.
11
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After I did it with Bill Hader and he does that, he did that Italian guy, right?
11
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That thing.
11
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And then he had Fred Armisen.
11
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I thought I would go in and be like the a hundred year old
11
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patriarch who would just be like, but then I would mime out violent things for the guests.
11
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You know, and just didn t call him and say, you should have someone else do that.
11
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Jason Sudeikis could have crushed with that.
11
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Oh, you didn t call him.
11
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Oh, I thought you were hosting.
11
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If you hosted, you could have jumped in on that.
11
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I know.
11
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I was a little shy about it.
11
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The one that I thought of fairly recently was the world s first sociopath.
11
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Which is like, there must have been social paths during primitive man times.
11
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You know, during the hunter-gatherer stage.
11
SPEAKER_01
Hey, you guys, what are you doing?
11
SPEAKER_01
Oh, okay.
11
SPEAKER_01
Are you hunting or gathering?
11
SPEAKER_01
Don t just sit around.
11
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Either hunt or gather or get the fuck out.
11
SPEAKER_01
And then it s like, later on he goes, where s Bob?
11
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
11
SPEAKER_01
What s that hand coming out of the ground?
11
SPEAKER_01
It s Bob, I think.
11
SPEAKER_01
What d you do?
11
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I hit him with a rock.
11
SPEAKER_01
Am I weird?
11
SPEAKER_01
Am I strange?
11
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I have these compulsions of killing things.
11
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Am I weird?
11
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And the guy goes, no, not at all.
11
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I mean, sometimes at night I just cut myself.
11
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I don t know what that means.
11
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Maybe some sort of free obsession, anxiety.
11
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Well, you know, Steve, I mean, he always waits till the grapes rot and then drinks the juice and acts, dances around for hours.
11
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I don t know, are we weird?
11
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Sounds like I m... Anyway, so I didn t send it to SNL.
11
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You didn t send it before.
11
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But I do, I had that on stage, because I can only do sketches in small rooms.
11
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I killed it one night, had it perfect.
11
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I m a little rusty, but...
11
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But I love SNL, but generally, if we had a friend there, it directly, like remember when I had left and I told you to do Hollywood Minute?
11
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Yeah.
11
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I actually did one for Sandler.
11
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I thought it was really good for, I can t remember it now, but I said, oh, I think you d be good at this.
11
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But by the time I think I called it was the midweek.
11
SPEAKER_00
And you know, after that writing starts, it s just too hard to start from scratch.
11
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But anyway, he did fine.
11
SPEAKER_00
Okay, thank you for your question, and let s see what sunglasses we have on next week.
11
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This has been a podcast presentation of Cadence 13.
11
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Please listen, then rate, review, and follow all episodes.
11
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Available now for free wherever you get your podcasts.
11
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No joke, folks.
11
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Fly on the Wall has been a presentation of Cadence 13, executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Chris Corcoran of Cadence 13, and Charlie Finan of Brillstein Entertainment.
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The show s lead producer is Greg Holtzman with production and engineering support from Serena Regan and Chris Basil of Cadence 13.