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Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous.
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I m Dan Shepard.
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I m joined by Mrs. Maus.
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Happy Valentine s Day a couple days ago.
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Happy Valentine s Day a couple days ago.
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This is the Valentine s Day disaster episode.
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Yeah, this is a fun one.
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It really is fun.
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And if you listened yesterday, we already said congrats on six years.
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We ll say it again.
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Congrats on six years.
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Congrats on six years.
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We have housekeeping.
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Oh, yes.
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So in this episode, we mention Liz a couple times.
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We say, oh, scary, like Liz.
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Yeah, and you scream every time.
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That s why I always say it.
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And you say, Liz, ah.
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to pop out every time I say it, Liz.
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It is, and then I say in it, we gotta explain Liz, and then you say, we re going to, and then we forget.
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Okay.
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So, we ve talked about this before, some of the armchairs will know, but some won t, and the ones who don t will definitely think we re talking about Liz Plank, and we re not.
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We re not talking about Liz Plank.
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If you re an OA, you know this.
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Yeah.
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But Monica and I were one time watching a Dateline, and there was a scary woman, Liz, who was a murderer.
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And then Monica got back to her apartment.
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No!
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Oh, this is one of those fun moments where our memories are different.
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Okay.
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I think they might work together, but go ahead.
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I didn t go back to my apartment.
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It was COVID.
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And Anna, me and you were watching Daylight.
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We all lived together at your house during COVID.
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Okay, okay.
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And it was when you had broken your arm, or your hand, whatever you d broken.
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Who knows that day?
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So you were in the guest bedroom.
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Anna was in the kids  bedroom.
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had COVID, she didn t, but we thought she had COVID.
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Oh, it was on that night?
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Yes.
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There was a bunch of food at the end of the hallway?
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She thought she had COVID, so she was sequestered.
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What comedy was happening?
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Oh, my God.
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This is like Three s Company.
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Yeah, the three of us put on this dateline.
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We didn t even know Ana that well at the time, too, which is also weird and funny.
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scary, scary lady named Liz.
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Yeah.
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She was evil and she popped out and she had a dog.
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There was a dog in this episode that looked exactly like Frank, your dog.
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Right.
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And you became concerned it was the same dog.
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Yes, because Frank is a rescue.
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And Liz is MIA.
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Exactly.
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And so we watch this episode, I m getting very worked up internally about my fears.
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And then I am sleeping on the couch in the movie room.
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And I go in there and I hear her.
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Liz.
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She knocked, she knocked and I freaked out and then I texted you and Ana and I said, help, it s scary out here.
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And then you both slowly came out.
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To clear the room for Liz.
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Yeah.
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I have a totally different memory, but I don t think it s either or.
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I totally believe that that was the full rollout of Liz.
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But I remember you going back to your apartment.
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I remember you being at your apartment and texting, I m super scared.
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I heard a noise outside.
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And I said, I know it s Liz.
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And then you said, no, don t say Liz.
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And I said, she s out there, Liz.
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I know there was a moment where you were scared in your apartment and I kept telling you it was Liz.
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Are you sure it wasn t just me being scared in the room next, it might ve been that, where I, cause I heard like a knock or a weird sound.
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No, I remember, I remember me introducing the notion that Liz was at your apartment.
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Like you already thought it was Liz in the living room version.
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God.
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I think they both happen.
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I wish we could burp, I really do.
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Because you were afraid of Liz for months.
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I m still afraid of her.
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Right, and so many times over the last four years, I have tried to scare you that Liz is outside your apartment.
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Yeah, she comes around.
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She s a nasty lady.
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Anyway, so when we say that, we say it in that tone, it s not, I don t want people to think, yeah, it s all complicated now.
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Not Liz Plank.
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We love Liz Plank.
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We don t like Liz Frank.
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Liz Frank and Liz Plank?
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What if Liz Plank is Liz Frank?
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because she just kind of showed up after we left.
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So now I guess we re reversing our position.
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We re reversing our position.
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In fact, it is about Liz Plank.
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That s what you should know.
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I m glad we did this.
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We landed right where, it s the modest mouse lair.
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If you go straight long enough, you ll end up right where you were.
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Oh God, you better bring a weapon.
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To dinner, yeah.
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I know what you could do.
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Bring Frank and see if he runs to her and feels reunited.
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Okay, that s a good idea.
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Okay, perfect.
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We got a test.
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Please enjoy Valentine s Disasters.
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♪ Hard times, come and go ♪ ♪ Good times, take them slow ♪ ♪ My life, I had them both ♪ ♪ But one thing, you gotta know ♪ ♪ I ma keep on shining ♪
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All right, we re ready for Emma.
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Valentine s Day with Emma.
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Valentine s Day.
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Oh, Valentine s.
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Love day.
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Saint Valentine.
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Massacre, blood, death, destruction.
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So it s your anniversary.
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It s our anniversary.
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It s our anniversary.
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Hello.
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Hello.
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Oh, and are you English?
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No, I m from New Zealand.
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Oh, a Kiwi.
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Because you immediately reminded me of the actress in the original Office.
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Just like when I first saw your face.
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Oh, that s funny.
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My husband will like that.
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He loves her.
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He loves the Office.
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She s so lovable.
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Emma, you re calling from New Zealand?
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Oh no, what time is it?
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It s okay.
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It s like 7.30 in the morning, but it s tomorrow.
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I love this.
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I always ask David this, like what happens today?
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What happens on Thursday?
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Is it a good day?
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Friday.
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What happens on Friday?
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Well, no, it s 730 in the morning Friday.
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So I m wondering what happened on Thursday.
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That makes perfect sense.
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My apologies.
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Was it a good day?
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Yeah, it s a great day.
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Okay.
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Good, good, good, good, good, good.
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I guess I wouldn t have even assumed you guys celebrate Valentine s day.
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I don t even know if that s like an internationally recognized event.
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Is it big in New Zealand?
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It s definitely not as big as it is in America.
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We still celebrate it.
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It s still a thing, like jewelry stores still have sales and stuff, but it s the same as Halloween and nothing s as big as it is in America.
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Yeah, sorry for that.
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Except for guy Fox day.
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I ve been in New Zealand for guy Fox day.
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And that was spectacular.
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Yeah, we do love that.
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All right.
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So you have a Valentine s day disaster, which we cannot wait to hear.
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So this happened in 2009.
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I was 16.
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So the day was February 14th.
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It was Valentine s day, which happened to be a Saturday night that year.
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And my boyfriend Lucas and I, we were going to a high school house party.
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It s like someone s birthday.
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My mum had agreed that she d drop us off and pick us up and Lucas could stay the night but like strictly in separate rooms.
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Oh, this is very exciting though.
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I want to applaud your mother s progressiveness.
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Yeah.
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We d been dating for like three months and we d gotten like pretty hot and heavy, but we d never had sex.
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Neither of us had ever had sex.
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So we decided like it s Valentine s day.
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This is the perfect opportunity to lose our virginities.
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All we had to do is come home from this party, wait until my mom went to sleep and then he would sneak up to my room.
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Oh yeah.
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Sexy.
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Yeah, here we go.
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So we had a plan in place.
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We were excited, a bit nervous, but we both were like pretty ready for it.
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So random bit of backstory in New Zealand at the time, there were these popular like RTD drinks that I won t name, but they were always like a standard 5% alcohol, like a beer.
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around this time in 2009, they d released this 8% can in a 12 pack, which is like stronger than wine, but really easy to drink.
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Also, I feel like I should say in New Zealand, the drinking age is 18.
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So it s like a bit more normal for us to be having a supervised party at 16.
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Yeah.
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My mum, bless her, she d never drunk these before.
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So when she went out and bought us a couple and she didn t notice the change in strength,
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or the change in packaging, so she just grabbed the first thing she saw, which was a big 12-pack.
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She dropped us off at this party, she gave us the entire 12-pack and said, okay, have fun, stick to two each.
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You shouldn t say stick to two each and then give 12.
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It s kind of confusing, mixed messages.
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Yeah, she was testing you.
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Yeah, I think so, I failed.
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So we got there, we were having fun.
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I felt like I looked good.
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Everything was going well, but about an hour in, I was starting to get really nervous.
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Like I m going to have sex tonight.
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Everything is going through my head.
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What if it doesn t work?
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Like, what if I suck at it?
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What if he sucks at it?
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What if he s not the one?
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So scary.
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Naturally, I m trying to calm my nerves, trying to get a bit of a buzz going.
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So I just start pounding back these drinks, which is obviously the worst thing that I could have done.
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Can I ask really quick, did you know they were a higher alcohol content or was that realized later?
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I feel like I probably did and was just like, score, let s not tell mom.
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Got it, got it.
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So cut to a bit later, like I m having a good time.
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I find Lucas and he s figured out at this point that I m about six drinks deep and I m absolutely toasted.
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Like I m really, really drunk.
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So I tell him he must come to the bathroom with me.
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I m busting, I have to pee.
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We try and head inside.
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But there s a big line to the bathroom and there s just no way I m going to make it.
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This house had a pretty big property and it had a big bank going down the side of the driveway with like a small wooden area.
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And I decided, yes, wooded area, perfect spot for an outdoor evening bushwee.
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I love it.
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We re going there.
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I dragged Lucas across this property over to the spot and I m like, OK, just wait there.
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I ll go behind this tree and pee.
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And he was really good.
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He just stood there waiting for me, keeping a lookout while I was trying to drunkenly keep myself upright, squatting in a bush.
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But then I heard this weird noise and I was like, who s mowing their lawns right now?
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It s dark, it s late, that s such a crazy thing to be doing.
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And then I was still peeing in this bush and I felt a bit of pain and I was like, oh no, I m swaying so badly that I ve fallen over without realizing it and landed in a prickle bush.
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That s what s hurt, I ve sat on a prickle.
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Oh boy, okay.
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Wait for it, Monica.
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But then, two things happened at once.
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The pain that I felt suddenly went from zero to a hundred, like one prickle to a thousand prickles.
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It was agony.
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At the same time, Luca starts screaming.
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He just starts yelling and yelling for me to run while he himself is just sprinting down this hill away from me.
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And that s when I realized I m squatting and peeing directly onto a wasp s nest.
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And I was there for way too long.
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Once I realized, I pulled up my underwear and I sprinted back to this house and I was like instantly sober from the pain.
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And I got our friend s parents to call my mom.
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I was distraught.
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And I just sat there and cried.
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Oh, my God.
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My mom picked us up and took us back.
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We got home and I was in so much pain.
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My mom just thought that I d had a wasp sting or bee sting.
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And she was like, you re being a wuss, let me look.
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And I don t know if you were the same at 16, but it took me a lot to get everything off and let her have a look.
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Oh, sure.
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Yeah, no way.
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I was justified, though, when she looked at it and all she said was, oh, my God, get in the car.
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We re going to the hospital.
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Oh, no.
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Oh, wow.
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Wow, wow, wow, wow.
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It turns out that probably because I was so drunk and I d squatted there for so long without realizing what was happening, that I had been stung.
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I was red and swollen right from the back of my thighs, all up my butt cheeks, in my butt cracks, and like all over my lady bits.
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I got the vulva, the majora, the menorah, like all of it.
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Were you able to get a good look at it?
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Did they give you a mirror or anything?
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I should have.
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I think I was just too upset.
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Did you reach down and feel it?
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And I know baseball s not a big game in your country, but I just imagine it might ve turned into like a catcher s match.
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I was really swollen.
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Peeing was not fun for a few days after that.
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It was pretty bad.
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I m so glad you re still with us.
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You could have my girled and died.
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Sure.
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Because of the shock.
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I know.
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That s why, because there were so many stings.
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It was like hundreds.
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My mom took me to the emergency room and I had to spend the night there making sure I didn t go into anaphylactic shock and died.
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Luckily I was fine obviously, but it is safe to say that I didn t get to have sex that night.
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Valentine s Day was officially ruined.
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Did you end up staying with that guy long enough to finally do it?
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Eventually, yeah.
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Once everything returned to a healthy status quo?
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Returned to a normal size, yeah.
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Holy cow.
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Wow.
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And was it itchy as hell?
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Because when I ve been stung and it gets red like that with the histamines, it gets itchy.
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Healing was a bitch as well.
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It was so itchy.
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And I still actually have like scars from it and stuff as well.
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Yeah, I m sure.
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SPEAKER_00
Really?
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Oh my God.
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What a disaster.
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That is a textbook disaster.
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I was assuming there d be some mix up with the transfer from the boy to the room in the middle of the night.
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Maybe he went into mom s room on accident.
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Yeah, it was almost a red herring that you were drunk.
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SPEAKER_01
I mean, I understand it s what got you in this position in the first place, but yeah, I thought it was gonna be like a messy hookup, but this is way worse and way better.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I thought that would throw you.
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What a story.
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Thank you.
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SPEAKER_03
Emma, I m so glad you lived to tell the tale.
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SPEAKER_03
That is gnarly.
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SPEAKER_00
Thank you so much for having me, guys.
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SPEAKER_00
It s really nice to meet you both.
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SPEAKER_03
We re so flattered you re listening down in New Zealand.
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SPEAKER_03
We re not too esoteric.
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SPEAKER_03
You re getting everything.
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SPEAKER_03
Do you ever feel like, I don t know what the fuck they re talking about?
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SPEAKER_00
No, we love you.
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SPEAKER_00
You guys don t know this, but we ve been friends for like four or five years by now.
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SPEAKER_03
Oh, good.
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SPEAKER_00
That s so lovely.
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SPEAKER_03
Well, we re going to come down, because we re going to join David Ferrier at some point.
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SPEAKER_00
Oh, please do.
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SPEAKER_03
Well, nice meeting you, Emma.
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SPEAKER_00
Thank you, Emma.
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SPEAKER_03
Thank you so much for telling us that.
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Bye, guys.
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SPEAKER_03
Bye.
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SPEAKER_03
So you, I was in therapy to bring everyone in.
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I was in therapy and then all of a sudden I heard the door, someone was opening the door because I do my therapy inside the attic.
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I had to put my pants back on in a hurry.
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He insists that I have them off for vulnerability s sake.
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The door was locked, thank God, good idea.
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Yeah, and then I peeked out the window to see who had just tried to barge in.
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My assumption is you and Rob know that it s therapy.
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I mean, I guess in theory I know, but not really.
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You don t even know what day it was.
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It s not on my calendar or anything.
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SPEAKER_03
You don t even probably know what day it was when you were trying to come in.
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SPEAKER_01
I don t know what day it is, no.
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Yeah, it s morning.
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But I was like, oh no, it s locked.
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And then I like went, I got my key out.
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I didn t even know if I had a key, but I had a key.
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I was glad I had a key.
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Okay.
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And I started putting it in, and then I could hear like a ting.
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I didn t hear what you said.
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I just heard like the tone of your voice.
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SPEAKER_03
You just heard, Monica, Monica.
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Yeah, I was like, oh, I m definitely coming in now.
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SPEAKER_01
No, but I was like, oh fuck.
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I was like, oh yes therapy.
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Oh no, because I was trying to be a very good employee.
1
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I had a work meeting with Spotify and then we had this Armchair Anonymous and they were back to back.
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And I thought, oh no, I can t be late to Armchair Anonymous.
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Everyone will be upset.
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So I ll go early.
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And then I ll do it here, I ll be ready.
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And then that was sometimes the best laid plans, you know?
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And I am of my senior of men.
1
SPEAKER_03
This is very true.
1
SPEAKER_03
So then I signed off.
1
SPEAKER_03
I was right at the end.
1
SPEAKER_03
Then I quickly peeked out the window to see who it was.
1
SPEAKER_03
And I saw you walking or what I thought was you walking.
1
SPEAKER_01
You saw a scurry?
1
SPEAKER_03
I saw a scurry.
1
SPEAKER_03
And then I text you.
1
SPEAKER_03
Hey, I was in there.
1
SPEAKER_03
Was that you knocking?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
And then I didn t hear from you.
1
SPEAKER_03
And then I couldn t see you anywhere.
1
SPEAKER_03
And I m like, what is happened?
1
SPEAKER_01
Did you think I was like an apparition?
1
SPEAKER_03
I had a lot of thoughts, I was like, she got really mad the door was locked and she went home, and now she won t respond to me, like she s angry.
1
SPEAKER_01
Also, did you see me, okay, because when I went to the guest house, I was like closing the door and you were coming out of the attic, which then I was like, oh, should I just go, whatever.
1
SPEAKER_03
I scanned the driveway first, and then I scanned the yard, because you sometimes will sit out by the, and then you were just gone, you were an apparition.
1
SPEAKER_01
I thought you saw that I was in the guest house, and then you kept walking, so then I thought maybe you were mad.
1
SPEAKER_03
Oh, interesting.
1
SPEAKER_03
A lot of baggage.
1
SPEAKER_03
A lot of baggage.
1
SPEAKER_03
A lot of scars.
1
SPEAKER_03
Okay, let s go to Jackson.
1
SPEAKER_03
Hello.
1
SPEAKER_03
Hi.
1
SPEAKER_03
Oh my God, Jackson, you re wearing a shirt as a hat.
1
SPEAKER_03
This is the first time I ve ever seen this.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
The closet s cramped, but I m making it work.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, thank you.
1
SPEAKER_01
You sound great.
1
SPEAKER_03
This is wonderful.
1
SPEAKER_02
Thank you.
1
SPEAKER_02
I did my best to get as insulated as possible for you guys.
1
SPEAKER_03
You re my first Jackson I m meeting.
1
SPEAKER_03
I mean, I guess I ve met a J-A-C-K-S-O-N, but not a J-A-X-O-N.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, I m a substitute teacher s favorite.
1
SPEAKER_02
It always comes up when they call the name.
1
I bet.
1
SPEAKER_03
And where are you at in the country?
1
SPEAKER_03
Please be Jacksonville, Florida or Jackson, Mississippi.
1
SPEAKER_02
It is Gainesville, Florida.
1
SPEAKER_02
So close to Jacksonville.
1
SPEAKER_03
Oh, OK.
1
SPEAKER_03
And I know a lot about Gainesville, but I m not going to say anything about it.
1
SPEAKER_01
I know a lot about Gainesville and I will say that s where the Georgia Florida game happens.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s our quote neutral territory.
1
SPEAKER_01
So I ve spent a couple nights there.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, I want to get to one of those games soon.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, they re fun.
1
SPEAKER_02
How old are you?
1
SPEAKER_02
We suck right now.
1
SPEAKER_02
So I can t really go.
1
SPEAKER_02
I m 24.
1
SPEAKER_03
Okay.
1
24.
1
SPEAKER_03
Just a youthful young man at the beginning of your life.
1
SPEAKER_03
And yet you ve already had a Valentine s day disaster.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yes, I have.
1
SPEAKER_02
So a little bit of backstory.
1
SPEAKER_02
I lived with my girlfriend at the time, now my fiance.
1
SPEAKER_02
She worked at a hospital.
1
SPEAKER_02
She was the morning sister.
1
SPEAKER_02
She d get up about 5.45 to get everything ready, get her coffee, get prepared for the day.
1
SPEAKER_02
The plan was after she got off of her shift, we were going to go get dinner at 8.
1
SPEAKER_02
It would have been hard, but we were up for the challenge.
1
SPEAKER_02
We would get up
1
SPEAKER_02
ready, make her coffee, and then the fire alarm is going off.
1
SPEAKER_02
So I was like, what could possibly be happening?
1
SPEAKER_02
I m thinking she s burned her coffee so bad that this place is in a blaze and we need to get out.
1
SPEAKER_02
I find out that it s not that.
1
SPEAKER_02
Somebody has just pulled the fire alarm.
1
SPEAKER_02
So we get our dog.
1
SPEAKER_02
Go outside, wait, she s like fully in her scrubs, ready to go to work.
1
SPEAKER_02
Supposed to leave in like 10 minutes.
1
SPEAKER_02
I lived in a college, like off campus apartment complex.
1
SPEAKER_02
So it wasn t out of the norm for someone to just pull a fire alarm just to like inconvenience the others.
1
SPEAKER_03
And that s all fine and dandy, but not at five.
1
SPEAKER_03
I mean, that s an ultra dick move.
1
SPEAKER_03
That goes from being a prank to just a total declaration
2
SPEAKER_02
of your dickness?
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, the crazy thing was it had happened before in a different apartment complex at like three in the morning.
2
SPEAKER_00
I was kind of grateful it was like six so I got some more sleep.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, but now you re starting to look like the most viable suspect because if it s happened in two of the places, yes.
2
SPEAKER_00
Maybe I sleepwalked.
2
SPEAKER_02
Night terror.
2
SPEAKER_00
We have to wait for the fire department to come.
2
SPEAKER_00
They pull up two trucks full of sirens because they think this apartment complex is on fire.
2
SPEAKER_00
They find out it s not.
2
SPEAKER_00
They check all the rooms.
2
SPEAKER_00
They say, okay, it s good to go back in.
2
SPEAKER_00
I go in with my dogs, my girlfriend goes to work, and that door, where the control panel is to turn off the alarms, is right outside of my apartment.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I m hearing thuds.
2
SPEAKER_00
I think I go back to sleep for 10 or 15 minutes, and I hear
2
SPEAKER_00
just a huge banging on my door.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m thinking the fire department has somehow messed something up and needs to get into my apartment to somehow fix this alarm situation.
2
SPEAKER_00
Turns out it is a girl that I had never seen with obvious smoke coming from the ground.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I opened the door to see what I can only describe as a self-kindled fire made of leaves, twigs, and a textbook.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh my, and that s where she has a textbook wide open and she s made this little wad of kindling on there and lit it ablaze.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it s a good size fire.
2
SPEAKER_00
What?
2
SPEAKER_02
I m sorry to play into the stereotype, but welcome to Florida.
2
SPEAKER_00
What s crazy is I thought she was helping me out.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I was like, oh my God.
2
SPEAKER_00
You re so generous.
2
SPEAKER_00
What have you stumbled upon in front of my door?
2
SPEAKER_00
Thanks for helping me out.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh.
2
SPEAKER_00
No, I go, are you okay?
2
SPEAKER_00
What s going on?
2
SPEAKER_00
She s like, where is she?
2
SPEAKER_00
I was like, huh?
2
SPEAKER_00
What do you mean, where is she?
2
SPEAKER_00
And before I can say, who is she?
2
SPEAKER_00
She has kicked the fire onto my feet and into my apartment.
2
SPEAKER_00
No.
2
SPEAKER_00
What?
2
SPEAKER_00
This is like out of a horror movie.
2
SPEAKER_01
This is like Liz, that scary girl.
2
SPEAKER_00
So at this point I go into survival mode.
2
SPEAKER_00
I didn t even know I had a fire extinguisher, but I found it and it was open and I put the fire out and I m on the phone with 911.
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, it feels like 15 seconds.
2
SPEAKER_00
It was probably longer, but I felt like I did it pretty quickly.
2
SPEAKER_02
Can I pause you for half a second?
2
SPEAKER_02
It s been always a great fantasy of mine to be able to deploy a fire extinguisher.
2
SPEAKER_02
Had you been waiting your whole life like me to do that?
2
SPEAKER_02
And was it so thrilling?
2
SPEAKER_00
It was something I wish I could have done under less stressful terms, but it was exciting.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yes, it is.
2
SPEAKER_00
Let it rip.
2
SPEAKER_00
It was a lot messier than I thought it would be.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it s very messy.
2
SPEAKER_00
There s powder everywhere.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Wait, can you tell us about the girl?
2
SPEAKER_01
What does she look like?
2
SPEAKER_01
How old is she?
2
SPEAKER_02
I also want to know what the subject of the textbook was.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, sure.
2
SPEAKER_02
That could be a big clue.
2
SPEAKER_02
I didn t look at that.
2
SPEAKER_02
I bet it was psychology, but continue.
2
SPEAKER_00
Probably.
2
SPEAKER_00
She was, I would say, 22, about 5 4 , Hispanic descent.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_00
Had very colorful hair, like red, green hair.
2
SPEAKER_01
Feisty.
2
SPEAKER_01
I was about to say that.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m now in my doorway and she s still there.
2
SPEAKER_00
She didn t go into my apartment, which was weird.
2
SPEAKER_00
I figured if somebody was in there, she d want to get in quick, but she didn t.
2
SPEAKER_00
She stayed
2
SPEAKER_00
at my door, and I m like, okay, the cops are coming.
2
SPEAKER_00
Now s your chance to leave.
2
SPEAKER_00
Let s part ways.
2
SPEAKER_00
I ll deal with this mess, unfortunately.
2
SPEAKER_00
And she was like, nope, I don t care about going to jail.
2
SPEAKER_00
I was like, oh, what?
2
SPEAKER_00
And her eyes could only be described as like the widest I ve ever seen anybody s eyes.
2
SPEAKER_00
So then I start to assess the situation.
2
SPEAKER_00
She is looking at me saying, I know someone s in your apartment.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m going to find her.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I ve noticed that she is holding the glass pane that covers the fire alarms.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I m like, okay, she s pulled the fire alarm and for some reason has come back to my apartment because she didn t get a big enough thing.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t really know what it was.
2
SPEAKER_02
I m going to add it s 6am.
2
SPEAKER_02
She hasn t woken up early for this.
2
SPEAKER_02
She s been up all night.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_02
We re seeing it at the end of a long day.
2
SPEAKER_00
In my head, I m like, okay, this girl is crazy.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like I got to figure something out to get her out of here.
2
SPEAKER_00
She insisted and was like, I know she s in there.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m going to find her.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m like, who is she?
2
SPEAKER_00
And she says some name I ve never heard before.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, look, I don t know who you are.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t know who she is.
2
SPEAKER_00
I think we have a misidentity type of thing.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like I m not the person you re looking for.
2
SPEAKER_00
You re being so calm and patient and kind.
2
SPEAKER_02
I got to say, if someone chucked a textbook that was on fire in my house, I d have to remind myself I don t hit girls.
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, my voice was definitely raised, but it was mostly, let me see if I can get somebody else out here.
2
SPEAKER_00
And luckily the smoke from the fire had the alarms going off again.
2
SPEAKER_00
The neighbors are out and they re seeing just this girl arguing with a guy on Valentine s day morning saying, I know she s in there.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m like, they think that some girl is in my apartment.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m cheating on somebody with somebody.
2
SPEAKER_00
I was like, does anybody know this person?
2
SPEAKER_00
Because I certainly don t.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I don t want anybody to think I do know her because this is crazy.
2
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
Everyone s like, nope, we don t know her, but luckily they re filming.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I felt a little bit of comfort in that.
2
SPEAKER_00
Cause I was like, if anything happens, it s on film.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
She continues this.
2
SPEAKER_00
I know she s in there.
2
SPEAKER_00
I say, I don t know who she is.
2
SPEAKER_00
Please stop.
2
SPEAKER_00
Please leave.
2
SPEAKER_00
She then tries to get in and I m a big dude.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m about six to 195, 200 pounds.
2
SPEAKER_00
In my head, I m like, okay, let s say I do decide to defend myself.
2
SPEAKER_00
I can t close the door because there s smoke in there and I m going to get some smoke inhalation thing.
2
SPEAKER_00
So let s say I do defend myself.
2
SPEAKER_00
All the cops are going to see is me, a really big guy over this smaller girl.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I don t want any creative imagination to make this seem like I did something wrong.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I just was like, okay, I m going to push her out, leave it at this, keep pushing her out.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I start to hear the police siren.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I m like, okay, they re getting close.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I continue to push her out.
2
SPEAKER_00
She s still like, I know she s in there.
2
SPEAKER_00
Where is she?
2
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, she s not here.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like, please just leave.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then I m thinking this girl is crazy, and I made the cardinal sin of being like, you are acting crazy right now.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
All right.
2
SPEAKER_00
A sight in her eye came out and I see her jump up, right hand raised, and that glass is now smashed onto my arm.
2
SPEAKER_00
Whoa.
2
SPEAKER_00
With a force.
2
SPEAKER_02
God.
2
SPEAKER_02
Wow.
2
SPEAKER_02
feisty was an understatement.
2
SPEAKER_00
I was shocked for sure but I m standing there I m like I should be in some pain so I look at my arm and there s like a good size cut but I think the guy in me was like this is fine like I don t even need stitches for this.
2
SPEAKER_02
Right.
2
SPEAKER_00
I look down at a worse cut in my arm and I m seeing like fatty tissue like my bicep is moving in it like it is a good size cut
2
SPEAKER_00
This is going to need to be addressed.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m about to get my first ever stitches for this.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, you re going to be leaving the apartment in an ambulance here in a minute.
2
SPEAKER_00
Fuck.
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, after I get stabbed and I m like, OK.
2
SPEAKER_00
She can look for this person that doesn t exist in my apartment.
2
SPEAKER_00
There s nobody I need to protect in here.
2
SPEAKER_00
Hopefully my dog s good.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m gonna step aside.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I do, and then she comes out crawling on all fours.
2
SPEAKER_00
It was really weird.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t know what she was going through, but she s like all fours and just looks at me and she s like, sorry, she wasn t in there.
2
SPEAKER_00
Cops come, I point her out, cause she didn t run at all.
2
SPEAKER_00
She just stayed outside of my apartment.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m like, that s her.
2
SPEAKER_00
I then am getting fixed up by the fire department and an ambulance driver comes up and is like, we re here to take care of you.
2
SPEAKER_00
Do you need us to call someone?
2
SPEAKER_00
I was like, yeah, let me call my girlfriend at the time, she s not answering now.
2
SPEAKER_00
Called her, I was like, hey, you aren t going to believe this story.
2
SPEAKER_02
Since you left 15 minutes ago, our apartment s been on fire and I ve been assaulted and stabbed.
2
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
2
SPEAKER_00
I d say from her building to the parking lot to our house is probably a 15 to 20 minute drive.
2
SPEAKER_00
And she got there in five minutes.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t know how she did it.
2
SPEAKER_00
I went to the ambulance drivers.
2
SPEAKER_00
I was like, you know what, I m not gonna foot this bill.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, because I m not bleeding anything crazy.
2
SPEAKER_00
I can move my arm.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m just gonna go to the hospital.
2
SPEAKER_00
So it s a lot cheaper.
2
SPEAKER_00
They re like, okay, we ll take this girl that is insisting on going in the ambulance because she cut her hand from smashing the glass on me.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, oh yeah, for sure.
2
SPEAKER_00
Take care of her.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
Right.
2
SPEAKER_02
She s not too worried about any bills she s racking up.
2
SPEAKER_02
In fact, she s not worried about almost any repercussions for anything right now.
2
SPEAKER_00
So get to the hospital.
2
SPEAKER_00
Cops come, I give my statement and I get 25 stitches.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then they say, we ll be in contact so you can talk to the district attorney.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, OK, because at this point, I m thinking this crazy person who showed up to my house, why are there people showing up to my house and stabbing me?
2
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if it s some organization that has decided my apartment number, stab them every time you see them.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t know what s going on.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I meet with them about a week later and they re like, yeah, we figured out why she did it.
2
SPEAKER_00
I was like, is it because she s crazy?
2
SPEAKER_00
And they re like, well, a little bit.
2
SPEAKER_00
The weeks prior to you being stabbed, she was at work and she would see a car go by and say, now s my time to run.
2
SPEAKER_00
So she would just sprint out of her job.
2
SPEAKER_00
She took a road trip to like Arkansas for no reason.
2
SPEAKER_02
So she was like in a bipolar ramp up.
2
SPEAKER_00
I was like, so what happened my day?
2
SPEAKER_00
And they re like, do you have anybody that lives with you?
2
SPEAKER_00
I was like, yeah, I live with my girlfriend.
2
SPEAKER_00
And they re like, was she getting ready for work or something?
2
SPEAKER_00
Like were there lights going on?
2
SPEAKER_00
I was like, she was in the bathroom, turn the lights on and off.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I go, okay.
2
SPEAKER_00
When this person saw the lights going on and off, she took that as a sign from her friend that she was being human traffic.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, poor girl.
2
SPEAKER_02
I mean, poor you the most, but poor girl.
2
SPEAKER_02
Does that mean she was a neighbor if she was seeing this light from her place?
3
SPEAKER_01
know how close she could have been on a stroll.
3
SPEAKER_01
She could have been in her room and been like, these lights are going off a little too crazy.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s what s sad is the people that do these in schizophrenic episodes, like they think they re being killed.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, of course, anyone is worth hurting to save yourself.
3
SPEAKER_04
Wow, that s a crazy story.
3
SPEAKER_00
Were you able to get a table at Applebee s?
3
SPEAKER_01
No, I spent the night cleaning up my apartment because what I didn t know is that when things happen in your apartment like a crime, you are responsible for cleaning it up.
3
SPEAKER_01
So I got to clean up the extinguisher.
3
SPEAKER_01
She was in my apartment.
3
SPEAKER_01
She like smeared blood on the walls.
3
SPEAKER_01
So I got to deal with all of this on my Valentine s Day.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God.
3
SPEAKER_01
So what happened with her?
3
SPEAKER_01
She, from what I understand, is now in a mental institution, getting help.
3
SPEAKER_01
But from what I understand, she s going to be there until she s able to stand trial.
3
SPEAKER_01
Because not only did she assault me, she also assaulted a police officer on the way to the car.
3
SPEAKER_01
So even if I would be like, you know what, bygones be bygones, the cop is still, like bygones are not bygones for him, I guess.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yes, yes, yes.
3
SPEAKER_00
And sadly, you do need a record of someone s behavior so that...
3
SPEAKER_00
You have some leverage to monitor.
3
SPEAKER_04
She can t control her behavior and it s dangerous.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s a Sapolsky thing.
3
SPEAKER_00
You shouldn t be judgmental of it and also you should keep dangerous people off the street.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, exactly.
3
SPEAKER_00
Was this last Valentine s Day?
3
SPEAKER_00
You didn t say what year this was.
3
SPEAKER_01
It was a year ago.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, your anniversary s coming up.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
I always forget it s on Valentine s day.
3
SPEAKER_01
So when my fiance was like, Oh, this Valentine s day disaster, you have one.
3
SPEAKER_01
I was like, I thought we ve had some pretty good Valentine s day.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, what did I do?
3
SPEAKER_01
And she s like, you got stabbed on Valentine s day.
3
SPEAKER_01
I was like, Oh yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
By the arsonist.
3
SPEAKER_00
Do you have Venmo?
3
SPEAKER_00
I do.
3
SPEAKER_00
Will you give it to me?
3
SPEAKER_01
I can.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Rob, will you write it down?
3
SPEAKER_01
Put it in the chat.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m buying you and your fiance Valentine s dinner.
3
SPEAKER_04
That s nice.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, thank you.
3
SPEAKER_00
We need a good one.
3
SPEAKER_00
I want you to go to the nicest place in town.
3
SPEAKER_04
Let s get the stabbing out of the... Yeah, we ll do a reset.
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, Jackson, what a pleasure meeting you.
3
SPEAKER_04
Yes, thank you for sharing.
3
SPEAKER_00
Crazy fucking story.
3
SPEAKER_00
I loved it.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, hopefully this Valentine s Day isn t as eventful.
3
SPEAKER_00
We re going to make sure you re at least dining in style, okay?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I don t know if you guys want to see the pictures.
3
SPEAKER_01
Of course.
3
SPEAKER_01
Let me see if I can find them.
3
SPEAKER_01
I have the scars now.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t know if you can see it.
3
SPEAKER_04
Oh my God.
3
SPEAKER_00
Mama Mia.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s like a plantain size on the shoulder and a banana size on the bicep.
3
SPEAKER_04
Wow.
3
SPEAKER_00
Also, you re a keloid scar like me.
3
SPEAKER_01
It did help with the one scar on my bicep because it was like a piece of skin hanging off and there would have been like a big chunk missing.
3
SPEAKER_01
But since it s keloided, it s filled in.
3
SPEAKER_01
So this is the one on my shoulder.
3
SPEAKER_04
You are not, dude, you were brutally stabbed.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s like a fucking Dateline episode.
3
SPEAKER_00
This is the fatty tissue one.
3
SPEAKER_00
Guys, it looks like when they open your abdomen up to take out an organ.
3
SPEAKER_00
Got me good.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m pretty shocked you didn t take the ambulance right now.
3
SPEAKER_00
I know.
3
SPEAKER_00
I see that your entire arm was opened up.
3
SPEAKER_01
They were upset.
3
SPEAKER_01
They were like, we re here for you.
3
SPEAKER_01
I was like, but my fiance got here so quickly.
3
SPEAKER_00
And did she take you to her hospital?
3
SPEAKER_00
Did she drive right back to her?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
3
SPEAKER_01
Funny story.
3
SPEAKER_01
I had applied to work at that hospital.
3
SPEAKER_01
And while I was in the ER, I got a call from them and they were like, Oh, how are you doing?
3
SPEAKER_01
I was like, I m doing good.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, okay, we re here to offer you the job.
3
SPEAKER_01
I was like, sweet.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m actually in your ER.
3
SPEAKER_01
If you want to give me the paperwork.
3
SPEAKER_04
That s kind of Sam.
3
SPEAKER_00
You re like in a Coen brothers movie or something.
3
SPEAKER_00
You re living in some weird movie.
3
SPEAKER_01
I would tell people this story, they re like, okay, but what stupid things did you do to actually like cut your arm off?
3
SPEAKER_01
I was like, no, this person showed up, arsonist showed up and stabbed me, I don t know what you want me to say.
3
SPEAKER_00
Arsonist showed up and turned into a slasher.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, Jackson, that was a barn burner.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, thanks for sharing that.
3
SPEAKER_00
Thanks a million.
3
SPEAKER_00
Thank you guys, I appreciate it.
3
SPEAKER_00
All right, take care, brother.
3
SPEAKER_00
Bye.
3
SPEAKER_00
Guys, that arm was as opened up as you can imagine.
3
SPEAKER_00
That was much worse than I was imagining.
3
SPEAKER_00
Me too, me too.
3
SPEAKER_03
I thought stabbing was just a funny word for it, but it s worse than stabbing.
3
SPEAKER_00
I wouldn t even have thought that a butcher knife could do that much damage.
3
SPEAKER_00
Liz.
3
SPEAKER_03
That s so scary.
3
SPEAKER_03
Fuck.
3
SPEAKER_00
Now listen, maybe it s not even worth it.
3
SPEAKER_00
I would have kicked her in the chest a long time before that happened.
3
SPEAKER_00
If she started to come forward, I would have just kicked her in the chest and got her.
3
SPEAKER_00
You can t let someone come into your person.
3
SPEAKER_04
You don t have to kick her in the chest.
3
SPEAKER_00
You don t want to get your hands involved.
3
SPEAKER_00
She s holding glass.
3
SPEAKER_00
If someone has a knife or something, your leg is longer than your arm.
3
SPEAKER_04
She has a mental.
3
SPEAKER_00
I know it s heartbreaking, but also you can t let someone.
3
SPEAKER_04
No, you can t.
3
SPEAKER_00
You can t carve you up like that.
3
SPEAKER_03
I feel like we have to remind people about wisdom.
3
SPEAKER_00
We will.
3
SPEAKER_00
Hello!
3
SPEAKER_00
Alicia?
3
SPEAKER_02
Yes!
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God, Alicia, hold on, don t even tell me.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m recording.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, okay, record.
3
SPEAKER_00
Cute glasses.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m trying to put together your environment, but don t tell us.
3
SPEAKER_04
I think car.
3
SPEAKER_04
No.
3
SPEAKER_00
Under a coffee table?
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, that s a great guess, under a coffee table.
3
SPEAKER_00
I give up, where are you?
3
SPEAKER_02
I am under my sewing desk.
3
SPEAKER_02
Ah!
3
SPEAKER_02
In my basement, with couch cushions behind me.
3
SPEAKER_00
Monica, you have stressed up these armchairs so much.
3
SPEAKER_00
They re tearing their houses apart.
3
SPEAKER_02
That s what we need.
3
SPEAKER_02
I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yes, it is.
3
SPEAKER_02
I have a perfectly beautiful, wonderful closet.
3
SPEAKER_02
However, it s nap time and my two-year-old, almost three-year-old is upstairs right now being very vocal.
3
SPEAKER_00
Got it.
3
SPEAKER_00
Sure.
3
SPEAKER_00
That makes a ton of sense.
3
SPEAKER_00
Alicia, where are you in the country?
3
SPEAKER_02
I m in Virginia.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, wonderful.
3
SPEAKER_00
What am I reading that was set largely?
3
SPEAKER_02
Poison with Bible.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh no, I m getting confused with us having just talked to Henry Louis Gates.
3
SPEAKER_00
That was West Virginia and Maryland border.
3
SPEAKER_00
So sorry.
3
SPEAKER_02
I travel through that line all the time.
3
SPEAKER_02
So we re in the Blue Ridge Mountain area.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, the most beautiful chunk of the country.
3
SPEAKER_00
I know what it is too.
3
SPEAKER_00
We just interviewed a guy about presidents and they were talking about Jefferson started University of Virginia.
3
SPEAKER_02
UVA.
3
SPEAKER_00
Did you attend UVA?
3
SPEAKER_02
Oh, that s very ironic you ask that because this story actually takes place at Virginia Tech, which is the rival of UVA.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay, the stakes are high.
3
SPEAKER_04
So you went to Virginia Tech?
3
SPEAKER_04
I did.
3
SPEAKER_04
Wow, very good school.
3
SPEAKER_00
Very esteemed.
3
SPEAKER_04
Very, very good school.
3
SPEAKER_04
Do you hate that when people hear it, they have that association with the shooting?
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, I didn t even think of that.
3
SPEAKER_02
I think that
3
SPEAKER_02
People who are not associated with Virginia Tech do think that, but people who live in the area and all the students, we don t think that.
3
SPEAKER_02
Okay, good.
3
SPEAKER_02
I m not a student anymore.
3
SPEAKER_02
This happened a decade ago.
3
SPEAKER_02
Alumni and all that, we don t associate with that whatsoever.
3
SPEAKER_00
I didn t think that.
3
SPEAKER_02
I was in college then, so it was like a big deal.
3
SPEAKER_02
I was in high school when that happened.
3
SPEAKER_02
I went there in 2009.
3
SPEAKER_02
That was 2007, so it was pretty soon after.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_00
Who clean this light?
3
SPEAKER_00
When does this story take place?
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, nine, 10, 11.
3
SPEAKER_02
The precursor to this story is Valentine s day, 2011.
3
SPEAKER_02
So I had been seeing this guy for a couple of months and I had never had a Valentine before, never had a boyfriend during the time.
3
SPEAKER_02
And I was so excited and he gave me this beautiful bouquet of red roses.
3
SPEAKER_02
We weren t like boyfriend, girlfriend.
3
SPEAKER_02
We had just been seeing each other.
3
SPEAKER_02
And then a few weeks later, he turned out to be not such a great guy.
3
SPEAKER_02
So it was really tainted.
3
SPEAKER_02
So that s a precursor to this story.
3
SPEAKER_02
February, 2012, just a couple of weeks after Valentine s Day, I meet my boyfriend who the story is about.
3
SPEAKER_02
So it s right after Valentine s Day.
3
SPEAKER_02
So of course, Valentine s Day gets brought up and I m like, oh my gosh, yeah, last year I just had this awful, I mean, like it was really tainted and really bad taste in my mouth.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I m over that holiday.
3
SPEAKER_02
Right, exactly.
3
SPEAKER_02
And he was like, Oh, well, I do Valentine s Day.
3
SPEAKER_02
Great.
3
SPEAKER_02
I love Valentine s Day.
3
SPEAKER_02
And I was like, Okay, thinking like, well, we got a ways to go.
3
SPEAKER_02
So we re still together Valentine s Day 2013.
3
SPEAKER_02
I wake up that morning to several texts from him that I realized are every hour on the hour starting at midnight.
3
SPEAKER_02
He has obviously pre programmed his
3
SPEAKER_00
Virginia Tech.
3
SPEAKER_00
He knows how to do this.
3
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
3
SPEAKER_00
Really quick, did you take it all with lots of gratitude and butterfly feelings?
3
SPEAKER_00
Did it tip at any point into feeling smothered?
3
SPEAKER_02
No, I was like eating it up.
3
SPEAKER_02
Right.
3
SPEAKER_02
And so we probably went out to dinner somewhere.
3
SPEAKER_02
He probably got me, you know, like chocolates, flowers.
3
SPEAKER_02
I don t remember it.
3
SPEAKER_02
I get texts all the way up till midnight.
3
SPEAKER_02
I m just feeling so cared about and thought about.
4
SPEAKER_01
The most loved girl in the world.
4
SPEAKER_04
Yes, this is a special guy, obviously.
4
SPEAKER_01
What a champ.
4
SPEAKER_04
Well, cut to like a year or two later.
4
SPEAKER_04
I don t remember the exact timeline.
4
SPEAKER_04
We re still together.
4
SPEAKER_04
For some reason, I m on his computer.
4
SPEAKER_04
All good stories start when I was on his computer.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s never a great idea for anyone to be on anyone s computer.
4
SPEAKER_04
Well, I think he had like asked me to look up something in his email.
4
SPEAKER_04
He had asked me to be on his computer.
4
SPEAKER_04
Never do that.
4
SPEAKER_01
Sure.
4
SPEAKER_01
He s really playing with fire.
4
SPEAKER_04
I mean, we ve been together like two, three years at this point.
4
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_04
And I see a folder that says something along the lines of Valentine s Day, something very obvious.
4
SPEAKER_04
Open it up.
4
SPEAKER_04
There s all the texts he sent me and like a separate email to himself and I m thinking okay Well, he probably just thought about this a lot ahead of time typed it out in an email because it s easier to type on the computer than text it on your phone and then somehow he got it to a text.
4
SPEAKER_04
Well, I read them and in place of my name is his ex s name.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay, so he was recycling his homework.
4
SPEAKER_04
Absolutely was recycling.
4
SPEAKER_03
So that did not go over well.
4
SPEAKER_03
And they were exactly the same.
4
SPEAKER_03
Literally to the worst.
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, here s what happened.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m going to defend this undefendable guy.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m going to defend this indefensible act.
4
SPEAKER_01
He did put in the time in the first year and it worked so well.
4
SPEAKER_01
I bet the ex-girlfriend felt so great.
4
SPEAKER_01
And he s like, well, I want to repeat that activity.
4
SPEAKER_01
I need to do that again.
4
SPEAKER_03
I just don t want to put in any thought or effort into it.
4
SPEAKER_01
Hold on, Monica.
4
SPEAKER_01
So he s like, I m going to do this again.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then he said, and he s like, I should look at the thing.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then he was like, well, those worked perfectly.
4
SPEAKER_01
I mean, just swap her name out.
4
SPEAKER_03
Rough.
4
SPEAKER_03
Bye.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh, geez.
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, hold on.
4
SPEAKER_01
They re still together.
4
SPEAKER_03
No, they were still together at that point.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh, okay.
4
SPEAKER_04
Oh, we re still together today.
4
SPEAKER_04
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_04
I m saying we re still together at that point.
4
SPEAKER_01
That s what I email is obviously back to you being right.
4
SPEAKER_04
Remember that I had met him 11 days after Valentine s Day.
4
SPEAKER_04
Right!
4
SPEAKER_04
So he had used that literally 11 days.
4
SPEAKER_04
I met him right after the breakup.
4
SPEAKER_01
Which is why he said, I love Valentine s Day because he had just nailed it 11 days before.
4
SPEAKER_01
But how?
4
SPEAKER_04
He didn t nail it.
4
SPEAKER_04
But then they broke up.
4
SPEAKER_04
Exactly.
4
SPEAKER_04
He obviously didn t nail it 11 days later.
4
SPEAKER_04
So anyways, I see all these.
4
SPEAKER_04
I am just heartbroken.
4
SPEAKER_04
I mean like all these really graphic sexual things.
4
SPEAKER_04
Her name or like the you ve changed my life.
4
SPEAKER_04
I m a better person.
4
SPEAKER_04
And it s her name.
4
SPEAKER_04
I bring this up to him thinking this is a great guy.
4
SPEAKER_04
He is going to be like I screwed up.
4
SPEAKER_04
And that was kind of a pattern in the relationship was I screwed up.
4
SPEAKER_04
But anyway.
4
SPEAKER_04
And he doubled down.
4
SPEAKER_04
Like what Dax said of it works so well.
4
SPEAKER_04
It s like going to a restaurant that you love.
4
SPEAKER_04
Why would you go with the next girlfriend to the restaurant that you love?
4
SPEAKER_01
Interesting analogy.
4
SPEAKER_04
This gift works so well.
4
SPEAKER_04
He doubled down.
4
SPEAKER_04
And so yeah, that was a little bit of a disastrous Valentine s day.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh my Lord.
4
SPEAKER_01
How much longer were you guys together?
4
SPEAKER_01
Did that spell the beginning of the end?
4
SPEAKER_04
Well, do you want to meet him?
4
SPEAKER_04
No.
4
SPEAKER_01
Hold on.
4
SPEAKER_01
No, hold on.
4
SPEAKER_01
Hold on.
4
SPEAKER_01
Hold on.
4
SPEAKER_03
Before we get my head right before he comes in, Monica s upset.
4
SPEAKER_01
I have been sent pictures of girls, sexy pictures that I am under no illusion.
4
SPEAKER_01
Weren t sent to other boys.
4
SPEAKER_01
They finally got a picture of themselves.
4
SPEAKER_01
They thought was really pretty or sexy and they ve sent it to me, but I m not naive.
4
SPEAKER_01
It was probably sent to a previous boy.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s like, they probably have a few.
4
SPEAKER_01
They feel comfortable with.
4
SPEAKER_04
That is not even close to the same but we had been together a year When this Valentine s Day occurred, let me start by saying I think it s very shitty.
4
SPEAKER_01
He did this.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m not pretending This is okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m only starting with one that s like adjacent to it that weirdly I can accept which is like, okay This person has found four pictures They think are really sexy of themselves and they sent it to me and they probably sent it to four other previous boyfriends.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh
4
SPEAKER_03
That s about you.
4
SPEAKER_03
This is a picture of me, not what I m saying about you.
4
SPEAKER_01
Great point.
4
SPEAKER_03
If somebody sent, yeah, absolutely not.
4
SPEAKER_03
Especially the sexual texts.
4
SPEAKER_01
Fuck that.
4
SPEAKER_03
If I saw that it was the exact, nope, nope.
4
SPEAKER_03
It was really rough.
4
SPEAKER_04
So anyways, we ve been together since that day in 2012.
4
SPEAKER_04
We have two kids.
4
SPEAKER_04
Oh my God.
4
SPEAKER_04
How did you get over it?
4
SPEAKER_01
I like that you got over it.
4
SPEAKER_01
If you love the guy and you re together and it worked out, great.
4
SPEAKER_04
Truly, we ve been through so much.
4
SPEAKER_04
He s 10 years sober.
4
SPEAKER_04
Actually, I haven t told him yet.
4
SPEAKER_04
Congratulations.
4
SPEAKER_01
I didn t tell him it was his birthday yet.
4
SPEAKER_04
I haven t said congratulations yet.
4
SPEAKER_04
So yeah, congratulations.
4
SPEAKER_04
He just passed 10 years.
4
SPEAKER_04
So I mean, with that in mind, we had a lot bigger problems going on 10 years ago than like some recycled text.
4
SPEAKER_04
There were way bigger fires to put out and a lot of couples therapy.
4
SPEAKER_04
Nice.
4
SPEAKER_04
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_04
I like that.
4
SPEAKER_04
Oh no.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, you knew it.
4
SPEAKER_01
He s handsome, right?
4
SPEAKER_01
Is that what you re saying?
4
SPEAKER_01
Hi.
4
SPEAKER_03
Oh no.
4
SPEAKER_01
Hi, how s it going?
4
SPEAKER_03
We re so mad at you.
4
SPEAKER_01
Hold on, listen.
4
SPEAKER_01
I just want you to know what you re walking into.
4
SPEAKER_01
Monica is very, very upset at you.
4
SPEAKER_01
I think what you did is shitty, but I guess I m more leaning towards understanding.
4
SPEAKER_03
Oh, I wonder why.
4
SPEAKER_01
So that s what you re walking into.
4
SPEAKER_02
At least I didn t just give her a card that like 7,000 other women got that day.
4
SPEAKER_02
Well, I would argue that it s only one other woman got those.
4
SPEAKER_03
Oh, my God.
4
SPEAKER_03
Oh, you re still standing by it.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh, he s tripling down.
4
SPEAKER_01
Wow, wow, wow.
4
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, we talked about this last night and he was like, I m still tripling down on this.
4
SPEAKER_04
This is a good idea.
4
SPEAKER_01
I need your name, sir.
4
SPEAKER_01
Ryan.
4
SPEAKER_01
Ryan, first of all, congratulations on 10 years.
4
SPEAKER_01
That s fucking epic, dude.
4
SPEAKER_01
A decade is impossible.
4
SPEAKER_01
Thank you.
4
SPEAKER_01
Let s not talk about your indiscretion for a second.
4
SPEAKER_01
Just can you imagine having been told something by somebody that meant so much to you, even if it was like a mentor and they said, I ve never really seen writing like this.
4
SPEAKER_01
I didn t know you had it in you.
4
SPEAKER_01
I think you should pursue this.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then you found out that mentor had told that to seven other kids in the class.
4
SPEAKER_01
Can you at least identify and associate the feeling of, oh, that thing meant nothing that I allowed to move me so much?
4
SPEAKER_02
Absolutely.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_02
I fully understand the feeling of, I felt so special when I read these the first time with my name in them.
4
SPEAKER_02
And then the complete upside-down feeling that she had when she read them, intended for someone else.
4
SPEAKER_02
Okay, well that s some ownership.
4
SPEAKER_04
To know that, like, I didn t inspire them, you know what I mean?
4
SPEAKER_04
Like, somebody else did, so like, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_04
Ryan!
4
SPEAKER_04
Well, they had been together for years.
4
SPEAKER_02
We were together for a couple years.
4
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, I think it almost would have been worse had this been a girlfriend that was like four months or something.
4
SPEAKER_04
You know, like they had been together years.
4
SPEAKER_03
I think it s worse.
4
SPEAKER_03
I think it s worse for you and for the original girlfriend that her text then just got shuffled over.
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, she should feel flattered, kind of like, oh, I inspired these.
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, I don t know.
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t want to make a case for her.
4
SPEAKER_03
Oh, wow.
4
SPEAKER_03
This was great.
4
SPEAKER_03
I m glad you showed your face.
4
SPEAKER_02
Not all 24 texts were word for word.
4
SPEAKER_02
There were a few that made no sense that I changed.
4
SPEAKER_04
No.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_04
He said that and I recall everything that I read was like word for word.
4
SPEAKER_04
So.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I m assuming his handsomeness, it really helped in you getting over this.
4
SPEAKER_01
You ve exploited your handsomeness, Ryan.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I guess that s what one should do with the gifts they were given.
4
SPEAKER_01
Here s my curiosity in 2013 or 14, whenever this happened, how brazen of you to have to invite your girlfriend to be on your computer, sniffing around your emails and stuff.
4
SPEAKER_01
How were you that reckless?
4
SPEAKER_03
He was drunk.
4
SPEAKER_04
At that point, I don t think I was At the point where you recycled it you were not so January 2014.
4
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh, I see.
4
SPEAKER_01
I see exactly what happened So you were actually now a good boy and you were like I actually don t have anything to hide which I was hiding so much for so long and now I m kind of clean and I ve made some amends and life s golden look through my shit.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh Fuck wait, I forgot about that.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh
4
SPEAKER_02
Damn past me.
4
SPEAKER_01
You re again to haunt me.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh, you guys, this was the most fun thing ever.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yes, so fun.
4
SPEAKER_04
You have only seen him from the chin up.
4
SPEAKER_04
If you could only see him from the chin down.
4
SPEAKER_04
Very similar to Dax, like tattoos and works out.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God, should he and I date?
4
SPEAKER_01
Could you send me those texts?
4
SPEAKER_01
I want to see if they rile me up.
4
SPEAKER_01
I can forward them to you, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
I think I still have them.
4
SPEAKER_02
You still have the folder?
4
SPEAKER_02
Just in case I need them in the future.
4
SPEAKER_01
You never know.
4
SPEAKER_01
You gotta always have a backup plan.
4
SPEAKER_03
Alright, well it was really nice to meet you.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, really, really nice meeting you.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m so glad we got to talk.
4
SPEAKER_04
So nice to meet you too.
4
SPEAKER_04
Have a great day.
4
SPEAKER_01
Bye!
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh my god, that was fun.
4
SPEAKER_01
Hello.
4
SPEAKER_00
Hi.
4
SPEAKER_01
How are you?
4
SPEAKER_01
Is this Amanda?
4
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_01
Where are you, Amanda?
4
SPEAKER_00
I am in my closet in not so sunny San Diego.
4
SPEAKER_01
Us too.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s a deluge outside.
4
SPEAKER_01
Just a whole new climate we live in.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
So what year does this Valentine s Day disaster occur?
4
SPEAKER_00
So it takes place in 2016.
4
SPEAKER_00
It was in Salt Lake City, Utah.
4
SPEAKER_01
I can make some guesses already, but I guess I won t.
4
SPEAKER_00
We don t need to.
4
SPEAKER_01
tattoos and piercings.
4
SPEAKER_00
You can squash your assumptions.
4
SPEAKER_00
I at the time was a retail store manager and I had scheduled myself to close on Valentine s Day.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so to thank my team for being there on a holiday, I decided to make treats, which I was
5
SPEAKER_00
known for like cookies, cupcakes, brownies.
5
SPEAKER_00
So I made some cupcakes, decorated them all cute and fancy for Valentine s day and went into work feeling great.
5
SPEAKER_02
Can I ask really quick, did you have a partner at that time?
5
SPEAKER_02
Were you not participating in your Valentine s with a lover?
5
SPEAKER_00
I had a husband, but we were on year four of marriage, so we re over it.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_02
Those days are behind us.
5
SPEAKER_00
The year prior we came to San Diego for Valentine s and that s how we decided to move out here.
5
SPEAKER_00
So it s like, that was so magical.
5
SPEAKER_00
I ll just use this year to work.
5
SPEAKER_00
So I go into work feeling great, display my cupcakes, clock in.
5
SPEAKER_00
And within 10 minutes of being there, I m hit with this urge.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m going to shit myself.
5
SPEAKER_02
Oh, wonderful.
5
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_02
I mean, not for you, but I get sad when we have a prompt that I think there ll be no booty.
5
SPEAKER_02
So this is a big relief.
5
SPEAKER_00
It felt like a relief in the moment when I ran into the bathroom and was like, where did this come from?
5
SPEAKER_00
I sit down, you know, I think you d say, Honest Rhea.
5
SPEAKER_00
Okay, great.
5
SPEAKER_00
Honest.
5
SPEAKER_00
So sudden, so violent.
5
SPEAKER_00
So as you do, you check like, what is the damage?
5
SPEAKER_00
What just happened here?
5
SPEAKER_00
And I looked down and.
5
SPEAKER_00
Pure red.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh, not just like a trace of blood in my stool.
5
SPEAKER_00
This is so scary.
5
SPEAKER_00
No one can listen.
5
SPEAKER_00
Monica.
5
SPEAKER_00
I thought about warning and then I was like, I think this is okay.
5
SPEAKER_00
But as we say it, I understand.
5
SPEAKER_02
And just so I know if this is the exact same experience I had, would you describe it as Hawaiian punch color?
5
SPEAKER_02
Like it s too bright.
5
SPEAKER_02
It s not like the blood you normally see.
5
SPEAKER_02
It s like, Whoa, that s bright.
5
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
5
SPEAKER_00
Curious how you ve experienced this as well.
5
SPEAKER_02
I had a fissure one time and it was crazy.
5
SPEAKER_02
And I filled the whole fucking toilet with blood and I was like, whoa, that s Hawaiian punch color.
5
SPEAKER_00
I didn t have enough time to calculate what that could have been.
5
SPEAKER_00
Also.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m a woman.
5
SPEAKER_00
Generally that color isn t, it was just a whole different experience.
5
SPEAKER_02
Although perfectly time for Valentine s day.
5
SPEAKER_02
That is the official color of the holiday.
5
SPEAKER_00
Very romantic.
5
SPEAKER_00
Immediately.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m like, I have to go to urgent care because I m bleeding out of my rectum.
5
SPEAKER_00
Now I m feeling like I have a little bit of a tummy ache, but I can t place where this came from.
5
SPEAKER_00
It just felt so sudden.
5
SPEAKER_00
I go out, tell my manager who was supposed to be off soon.
5
SPEAKER_00
Hey, I know you opened the store.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m going to have to go.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m bleeding out of my rectum, but that s all I can share.
5
SPEAKER_00
So I drive to urgent care.
5
SPEAKER_00
I call my husband and I m like, Hey, can you meet me at urgent care?
5
SPEAKER_00
Um, I think I m done.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m kind of kidding, but I m kind of not kidding.
5
SPEAKER_00
Right.
5
SPEAKER_02
It s very scary.
5
SPEAKER_02
You think you have internal bleeding and you re dying.
5
SPEAKER_02
You re bleeding out.
5
SPEAKER_00
Did I fall so heavily on something in my abdomen?
5
SPEAKER_00
Then like, forget about it.
5
SPEAKER_00
You re just going through every rational thought as to what could be happening.
5
SPEAKER_00
So we get there, the doctor does the normal, like, how are you feeling?
5
SPEAKER_00
What did you do today?
5
SPEAKER_00
What have you eaten?
5
SPEAKER_02
Is he skirting around the implication that anal sex had been had?
5
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if I would have been privy enough to think that at the time.
5
SPEAKER_00
Maybe he was.
5
SPEAKER_00
He says, you know, what did you eat today?
5
SPEAKER_00
And I m cataloging.
5
SPEAKER_00
I had a croissant for breakfast.
5
SPEAKER_00
I made these cupcakes for my team.
5
SPEAKER_00
And at that point I had been thinking, so they were red velvet cupcakes.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I thought to myself, could I eat the batter?
5
SPEAKER_00
And I m like, could it be?
5
SPEAKER_00
So I tell him, you know, I have a feeling it s probably red velvet cupcake batter.
5
SPEAKER_00
And he was like, no, this morning you did it.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s not how digestion works.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like it doesn t just go through you like a cartoon.
5
SPEAKER_02
30 minutes later.
5
SPEAKER_00
And so I m like, okay, well then I don t know what to tell you.
5
SPEAKER_00
So he s like, okay, get undressed.
5
SPEAKER_00
We re going to need to collect a sample.
5
SPEAKER_00
And at this point my husband s with me and I m like, okay, what does that entail?
5
SPEAKER_00
In my mind s eye, I don t know if it was this dramatic, but I remember him like snapping on a glove.
5
SPEAKER_00
We have to do it manually.
5
SPEAKER_02
Oh, okay.
5
SPEAKER_00
And so he like steps out of the room and I get undressed and I m like, I think he has to put his finger in my butt.
5
SPEAKER_00
And my husband goes, do you think I should offer to do it?
5
SPEAKER_02
Oh wow, what a helpful partner.
5
SPEAKER_00
He s taking the opportunity when he can.
5
SPEAKER_00
Good for him.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I m like, you know, of all times and places, I think it might be this doctor s job.
5
SPEAKER_02
I would love to see the tableau of the doctor overseeing your husband do this and him standing there.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, like giving him direction.
5
SPEAKER_02
No, not that way, this way.
5
SPEAKER_00
And so the doctor comes back in.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s just this like very solemn vibe in the room.
5
SPEAKER_00
And he s like, okay, I need you to lay on your side and curl up into a fetal position.
5
SPEAKER_00
I made the mistake of laying on my side so I could see into my husband s eyes.
5
SPEAKER_00
He was just sitting on the chair in front of me.
5
SPEAKER_00
I feel like I should have turned around and like kept some anonymity.
5
SPEAKER_00
But I roll over, lay on my side, pull up my legs and just whoop right in to collect a sample.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I feel like my eyes just did these like cartoon eyes to my husband, who then looks at me and also has the same kind of cartoon eye reaction.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like we re both locked in on the least romantic moment of any Valentine s Day ever.
5
SPEAKER_02
You know, a stranger fingers wife.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, like the headlines were maybe stranger.
5
SPEAKER_00
This like big, tall, I don t remember if he was handsome or not, this big doctor who s like getting up in there, collecting a sample.
5
SPEAKER_00
I feel like that was so invasive for just that little amount they needed.
5
SPEAKER_00
He goes, okay, we re going to go test this to see if there s blood in your stool and see if we can figure out what s going on and I ll be back in a few minutes.
5
SPEAKER_00
I remember just sitting up and kind of having to like settle back into myself.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like, did that just happen?
5
SPEAKER_00
This is what we re doing on Valentine s.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m very empathetic.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like this poor doctor had to put his finger in someone s butt on Valentine s Day.
5
SPEAKER_00
And again, I guess it could have been worse.
5
SPEAKER_02
You re right.
5
SPEAKER_02
You point out something really good.
5
SPEAKER_02
We only think about how much we don t want a finger in our butt.
5
SPEAKER_02
We don t think about the poor person who s got to put their finger up your butt.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s a great perspective.
5
SPEAKER_00
And get poop out.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
And retrieve some pootie.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
Just, you know, thinking of them.
5
SPEAKER_00
We sit there and wait, and he comes in and throws his arms up in the air and goes, it was cupcakes.
5
SPEAKER_00
No.
5
SPEAKER_02
Oh.
5
SPEAKER_02
Oh.
5
SPEAKER_00
I was like, what?
5
SPEAKER_00
Wait, really?
5
SPEAKER_00
He was like, well, it wasn t blood, so I guess it was cupcakes.
5
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
5
SPEAKER_02
Weird.
5
SPEAKER_00
I guess you just had a stomach bug of some sort that just made everything go through you so fast.
5
SPEAKER_00
And if you feel like you ate enough, which you don t realize when you re scooping it out and then you re cleaning that bowl, you brought back memories.
5
SPEAKER_02
Have you had this Monica where I ve pounded a few of those red velvets and I have seen that my stool was red velvet color.
5
SPEAKER_00
Have you ever had that?
5
SPEAKER_00
No, I ve never.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_02
That s happened to me as well.
5
SPEAKER_00
Try it on Valentine s day.
5
SPEAKER_00
Don t be alarmed.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
I guess it s like when you eat a lot of beets, which I ve never done.
5
SPEAKER_02
Well, it s just that red dye that s in the red velvet.
5
SPEAKER_02
It s powerful dye.
5
SPEAKER_02
It dyes your whole, everything in your stomach.
5
SPEAKER_03
But I m surprised it was bright red, because the red velvet s like a darker, it s dark.
5
SPEAKER_02
More of a dark rich mixed with the chocolate.
5
SPEAKER_02
But think about the dye is bright as hell.
5
SPEAKER_00
And then I had to call my job and say, hey, I can t come.
5
SPEAKER_00
Ever again.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like, ever.
5
SPEAKER_00
I feel like a dog with its tail between its legs.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like, I m okay.
5
SPEAKER_00
I think I have a stomach bug, but I, more than anything, just can t face society.
5
SPEAKER_00
So I m going to go have the rest of my least romantic valentines ever.
5
SPEAKER_00
You re going to have to cancel your plans.
5
SPEAKER_02
Oh boy.
5
SPEAKER_02
That s funny.
5
SPEAKER_02
Well, God bless that other manager that worked at Den Double, I suppose.
5
SPEAKER_00
We are best friends now.
5
SPEAKER_00
I actually texted her last night to see what year it was.
5
SPEAKER_00
And she was like, it was right before we became best friends.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I remember thinking like, this poor girl, I just felt so bad.
5
SPEAKER_00
I would have worked for you anyways, but now we re best friends.
5
SPEAKER_02
Oh, it all came out.
5
SPEAKER_00
It is romantic.
5
SPEAKER_02
It is.
5
SPEAKER_00
Romantic.
5
SPEAKER_02
It is very romantic.
5
SPEAKER_00
Shout out to Hannah for covering my shift.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh, wow.
5
SPEAKER_02
Well, Amanda, I loved that.
5
SPEAKER_00
We needed a pootie.
5
SPEAKER_02
It was a happy ending too, because I was expecting a fissure.
5
SPEAKER_02
Because let me tell you, if you get one of those, they re nearly impossible to heal because it s a cut inside.
5
SPEAKER_02
And then every day you re going to poop again and stress out that cut.
5
SPEAKER_02
I think the bright red is good because that means it s on the outside and not internal.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, if it s dark, it s actually bad.
5
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_02
So you re looking for that nice pop of Hawaiian punch.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, thank the stars.
5
SPEAKER_00
It was a very temporary thing, but I did think I was dying.
5
SPEAKER_00
So that was how my Valentine s ended.
5
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
5
SPEAKER_00
Thanks for sharing.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, that was very vulnerable.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
5
SPEAKER_02
Very vulnerable.
5
SPEAKER_00
I can t think of like a more vulnerable time in my life than like walking eyes with my husband and getting a nice, gentle, not so gentle poke.
5
SPEAKER_00
Can I bring him in to say hi?
5
SPEAKER_00
Yes, of course.
5
SPEAKER_00
Because he was the reason I started listening to you guys going through some postpartum sadness and needed some sunshine.
5
SPEAKER_02
Hello.
5
SPEAKER_02
Hello.
5
SPEAKER_02
We know so much about you already.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, you do.
5
SPEAKER_02
She s having a hard time remembering exactly what the doctor looked like.
5
SPEAKER_02
I bet you remember precisely what he looked like.
5
SPEAKER_01
He was not tall, and he definitely wasn t handsome.
5
SPEAKER_01
He was just a very average dude.
5
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_03
But if it makes her feel better to imagine it as a tall, handsome guy, we ll have to give it to her.
5
SPEAKER_01
Sure, tall stud, why not?
5
SPEAKER_01
He got more action than I did that night.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
100%.
5
SPEAKER_01
Let s let him have it.
5
SPEAKER_02
Tom Selleck, big, huge mustache and a great smile.
5
SPEAKER_02
Well, it s very nice to meet you.
5
SPEAKER_02
And we re very proud of Amanda for telling that quite vulnerable story.
5
SPEAKER_01
Absolutely.
5
SPEAKER_02
And we thank you for turning her onto the show.
5
SPEAKER_01
I ve loved listening to you guys ever since the beginning, man, since 2018, I ve been listening.
5
SPEAKER_01
So, well, this is our six year.
6
SPEAKER_01
anniversary of this glorious holiday.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s amazing.
6
SPEAKER_00
Well, thank you both for what you do.
6
SPEAKER_00
We re going to continue listening and hopefully we ll get to go to a live show soon.
6
SPEAKER_01
Oh, wonderful.
6
SPEAKER_01
Great meeting both of you guys.
6
SPEAKER_00
Wait, I want to say bye.
6
SPEAKER_00
Wait, they re my friends.
6
SPEAKER_00
One more shout out to our son who s been listening to you since fetus.
6
SPEAKER_01
In vitro.
6
SPEAKER_00
He s four and a half.
6
SPEAKER_00
His name s Hendrix.
6
SPEAKER_00
Shout out.
6
SPEAKER_00
And he thinks every website ends with dot com slash Dax.
6
SPEAKER_00
Oh my god.
6
SPEAKER_00
She thinks the internet is, and like every so often he ll say, tap the banner to learn more.
6
SPEAKER_01
Well, thank you so much.
6
SPEAKER_01
That s so adorable.
6
SPEAKER_01
Zip recruiter will be very happy to hear that.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s so nice meeting both of you guys and happy Valentine s day.
6
SPEAKER_01
I hope it goes better this year.
6
SPEAKER_00
Thank you so much.
6
SPEAKER_02
Nice to meet you.
6
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
6
SPEAKER_01
Bye bye.
6
SPEAKER_02
Oh, that was great.
6
SPEAKER_02
This was a great episode.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it really was.
6
SPEAKER_02
Really strong stories.
6
SPEAKER_01
Based on what we heard, it s like you could only have a better one than Peace, right?
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it could only go up from here.
6
SPEAKER_02
It lowers the bar.
6
SPEAKER_02
Have you had a bad one?
6
SPEAKER_01
I can t remember.
6
SPEAKER_01
I think I say this every year on Valentine s Day.
6
SPEAKER_01
My favorite thing about Valentine s Day is walking into a flower shop and watching like 26 men standing perfectly still, looking down at their feet, paralyzed with what to do.
6
SPEAKER_00
Not knowing what to do.
6
SPEAKER_01
They don t know what to do.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
The people at the florist, it s okay, yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
What s your price range?
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
What s a lot?
6
SPEAKER_01
Or what s a good amount?
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
Should I spend 100 or 200?
6
SPEAKER_01
What d that guy buy?
6
SPEAKER_02
I ll take what that guy bought.
6
SPEAKER_01
What little good is his wife happy?
6
SPEAKER_01
All right, that was great.
6
SPEAKER_02
Well, happy anniversary.
6
SPEAKER_01
Happy anniversary.
6
SPEAKER_02
Six years.
6
SPEAKER_01
Let s go, girl.
6
SPEAKER_01
Let s go.
6
SPEAKER_01
That s one six of your life.
6
SPEAKER_02
Wow.
6
SPEAKER_02
Good fast math.
6
SPEAKER_02
You still got it.
6
SPEAKER_01
Thank you.
6
SPEAKER_01
Love you.
6
SPEAKER_02
Love you.
6
SPEAKER_01
Do you wanna sing a tune or something?
6
SPEAKER_01
Or a theme song?
6
SPEAKER_01
Oh.
6
SPEAKER_01
Okay, great.
6
SPEAKER_02
We don t have a theme song for this new show, so here I go, go, go.
6
SPEAKER_01
We re gonna ask some random questions, and with the help of armchairies, we ll get some suggestions on the fly, right?