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This is the story of how a group of people brought music back to Afghanistan by creating their own version of American Idol.
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The joy they brought to the nation.
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You re free completely.
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No one is there to destroy you.
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The danger they endured.
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They said my head should be cut off.
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I m John Legend.
0
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Listen to Afghan Star on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
0
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Hey everyone, this is Molly and Matt, and we re the hosts of Grown Up Stuff How to Adult, a podcast from Ruby Studio and iHeart Podcasts.
0
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It s a show dedicated to helping you figure out the trickiest parts of adulting.
0
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Like how to start planning for retirement, creating a healthy skincare routine, understanding when and how much to tip someone, and so much more.
0
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Let s learn about all of it and then some.
0
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Listen to Grown Up Stuff How to Adult on America s number one podcast network, iHeart.
0
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Open your free iHeart app and search Grown Up Stuff.
0
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A new season of Bridgerton is here.
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And with it, a new season of Bridgerton, the official podcast.
0
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I m your host, Gabby Collins.
0
SPEAKER_04
And this season, we are bringing fans even deeper into the ton.
0
SPEAKER_04
Watch season three of the Shondaland series on Netflix.
0
SPEAKER_04
Then fall in love all over again by listening to Bridgerton, the official podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
0
SPEAKER_04
Subscribe to catch a new episode every Thursday.
0
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Hey everyone, I m so excited because we re going to be adding a really special offering onto the back of my solo episodes on Fridays.
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The Daily J is a daily series on Calm and it s meant to inspire you while outlining tools and techniques to live a more mindful, stress-free life.
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We dive into a range of topics and the best part is, each episode is only 7 minutes long, so you can incorporate it into your schedule no matter how busy you are.
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As a dedicated part of the unpurposed community, I wanted to do something special for you this year.
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So I ll be playing a handpicked Daily J during each of my Friday podcasts.
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This week we re diving into strategies for managing your emotions.
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Of course, if you want to listen to the Daily J every day, you can subscribe to Calm.
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So go to calm.com forward slash J for 40% off your membership today.
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Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the place that you come to become happier, healthier, and more healed.
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And I am so, so grateful to you for all your incredible reviews on Spotify and on Apple.
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It s incredible to read through them.
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Please, please, please make sure you leave a review.
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It makes the world of a difference.
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And I wanted to point out some of the incredible expert conversations that we ve had this year, in case you missed them.
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We had Dr. Peter Atiyah, who s a phenomenal expert in longevity, scientific ways to slow down aging.
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I highly recommend you listen to that.
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We also had Dr. Zach Bush on science-based approaches to healing your gut health, if that s something that you re struggling with.
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I also talked to one of your favorites, Dr. Joe Dispenza in May on the 29th about why stress and overthinking negatively impacts your brain.
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These are just a few of the experts that we ve had so far in the last couple of months.
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I highly recommend you go back and take a listen.
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Now, today s episode is about a topic that I deeply value because I know how challenging it is when you re experiencing it in your life, in your mind.
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I ve personally struggled with it for so many different reasons.
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I know so many people in my life who ve struggled with it for so many different reasons.
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And I believed it was important to address with you today because I know so many of you may be going through it in your own way.
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Now, of course, I m talking about shame and guilt.
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And we all feel shame and guilt for different things in our life.
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Today, I m going to be talking to you about the different types of experience that we have and what are the practical steps we can take to feel better.
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But first of all, what I want to do is I want to talk about the difference between shame and guilt.
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Now, Brené Brown has done some phenomenal work in this space.
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If you ve not read her book,
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daring greatly, I highly recommend it to understand more about this topic.
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In the words of Brene Brown, shame is I am bad, guilt is I did something bad.
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She goes on to say, how many of you, if you did something that was hurtful to me, would be willing to say, I m sorry, I made a mistake?
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How many of you would be willing to do that?
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Guilt, I m sorry, I made a mistake.
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Shame, I m sorry, I am a mistake.
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I love this disconnection because it s so subtle but it s so very important.
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How many of us know that the voice in our head makes us the problem?
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Not that we have a problem, but we are the problem.
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Not that we made a mistake, but we are the mistake.
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How many of us walk around life thinking that not that we did something wrong, but that we are wrong?
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And it s so subtle that you might just miss it, but the inner critic s voice will give you a clue.
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If you listen closely to the inner critic, you ll be able to very clearly understand whether you say things like, I made a mistake or I am a mistake.
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Now, I want to go on to share the incredible worlds of Paul Ekman.
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He also said that the distinction between shame and guilt is very important since these two emotions may tear a person in opposite directions.
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He says, Paul Ekman, the wish to relieve guilt may motivate a confession.
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but the wish to avoid the humiliation of shame may prevent it.
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How many of you have ever been caught in that mess where you want to tell someone how you feel or you want to tell someone that you know that they re going through something or whatever it may be, but at the same time, you re scared of what that comes with?
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We get caught in the middle, and I know so many of us experience this in so many different ways.
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Before we dive into the different types of guilt and how to overcome them, I want to talk to you about the different types of guilt that we experience using research from biomedcentral.com.
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So they ranked the percentage of all things people felt guilty about.
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Number one,
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was telling lies or withholding truth and information.
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That s the number one thing we feel guilty about.
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And this comes from the category of feelings of guilt related to misconduct and mistakes being made.
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Now, the second thing that people felt guilty about, or the most frequently stated reasons for feeling guilty, was not spending enough time with family members, not taking enough care of family members, and not being there for family members.
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I think we can all identify with that type of guilt, and we will be coming onto this moving forward in this podcast.
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The reason I m sharing these with you is always to help you recognize that you re not alone, to help you recognize that we all have these emotions and experiences, that there is no one, including me, who has perfected this, figured it out, mastered it, and gets everything right.
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I think it s often our desire for perfection that creates so much of the guilt and shame we experience.
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Our desire for getting everything to line up, be perfectly balanced, be fully aligned, centered, grounded, it doesn t exist.
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The third thing that we most frequently state that we feel is a reason for being guilty is misbehavior towards someone or thinking bad about someone.
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And this comes from feelings of guilt related to other people.
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But this could be anyone from the person you bumped into on the street all the way through to the person you cut off in the traffic and later on you re thinking, oh, I wish I didn t do that.
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They didn t deserve that.
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It s really interesting, right?
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It could be anything.
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Misbehavior towards or bad thinking of someone.
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Maybe you said something gossipy about a friend.
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Maybe you said something that you wish you could take back.
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Maybe you shared someone s private information with someone else, right?
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These are all things we feel guilty for.
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Rank number four was subjectively perceived responsibility for life situations, events, and circumstances, and death circumstances of others not being able to help and support.
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So this is really interesting because often something bad happens to someone and we blame it on ourselves.
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We think it must be my fault.
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Some of our friends from London were visiting LA last year, and one of my friends recommended that they park in a specific parking garage, which was safe and recommended.
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And unfortunately,
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Unfortunately, all of their stuff got stolen from their car from that parking garage.
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And that friend of mine feels guilty for that reason constantly, because he takes responsibility for that event happening to those individuals.
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Now, of course, this can become far more extreme when it relates to people passing away, not being there with them.
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not being in there.
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You know, a lot of people have this guilt if they ve lost a family member that I should have been on the plane with them.
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I wish I was in the car with them.
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It wouldn t have happened if I didn t ask them to do this.
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Right?
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We all have that guilt.
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So again, a very valid and genuine form of guilt.
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Number five, neglecting someone.
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Not taking enough care of someone, not being there for someone.
1
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Another one, not achieving something.
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Sense of failure.
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The next one, negative self-attributes or flaws.
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We feel guilty about them because we take responsibility for them.
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And then there s divorce and breakup, cheating, having affairs, problems, issues in relationships and marriages, not spending enough time with children,
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Procrastination and waste of time being unproductive.
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How many of you have that where you haven t been productive, you haven t been effective, and then you feel guilty about it?
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You think, oh my gosh, I could have done all of that by now.
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Could have launched that podcast.
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I could have written that book.
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I should have done that.
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I should have done this.
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And then it never happens.
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That s what s really interesting about guilt, is that guilt blocks growth.
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Guilt can be used as a launch pad.
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It can be used as a great incentive for change, which I ll come on to in a moment.
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But at the same time, guilt blocks growth if we just grow guilt.
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If we keep just growing a sense of guilt, it will block our growth because we get so negative about who we are, what we do, how we behave, and we feel we have missed so much time.
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We feel we have missed so many opportunities that we now feel that we can t turn it around.
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It s almost like negative math working against us.
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It s like we re like 10-0.
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Right?
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We re losing 10-0 in the world of guilt.
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And now we re like, well, even if I do one thing, it would still be 10-1.
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I m so far away.
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That s what it feels like.
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You re like 10 goals down.
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Then it continues with unfavorable health or self-indulgence.
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We guilt ourselves over what we eat.
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And if we do or don t work out,
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And it s really interesting, right?
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Those are the top categories of guilt that we as humans experience.
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And I think all of us could agree that we ve all experienced them at one point or another.
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So now that we understand the difference between guilt and shame, I want to focus in on the different types of guilt that we experience in our lives and what we can do about it.
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Remember, guilt is, I m sorry I made a mistake.
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Shame is, I m sorry I am a mistake.
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And I want to shift us away from believing that we are a mistake or that we ourselves as an entity are wrong, are lost.
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We say things like, I am a failure.
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No, I have experienced failure.
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And that s what I want you to do with the inner critic in your mind.
1
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I want you to start making that switch.
1
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where instead of every time you catch yourself saying, I am a failure, I am a mistake, start replacing it with, I have experienced failure.
1
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I failed at this.
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This particular event failed.
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I think it s important to start disconnecting your identity from an emotion and a statement.
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The mistake we make is when we mesh together our identity with a word.
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We start to identify with that word, and that becomes a belief.
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Once that becomes a belief, it becomes a repetitive habit in our lives, and then it feels like normal.
1
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It s almost like when someone says something in your head, you think, well, I m a loser anyway, so what s the point?
1
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So I want you to start creating that distance.
1
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Now, how do you start creating that distance, you ask?
1
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The first way is to watch your inner dialogue and make that difference.
1
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The second is to recognize and go back to when you have felt guilty.
1
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Reflect and write down the top three times or even one time that you have experienced guilt and shame.
1
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and when it really started leaning into shame.
1
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And now in hindsight, I want you to look back and recognize, is it true that you have also been not responsible in certain challenges?
1
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Is it true that you ve also won as well as lost and failed in different things?
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Is it true that there is more diversity in your experience than there is consistency?
1
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Is it true that if you think you are a mistake, that you ve also got certain things right and done things well and made people feel good?
1
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Noticing this discrepancy is what helps you accept that, yes, I have made mistakes, but I am not a mistake.
1
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And even repeating that, recognizing and accepting, remember, we re not shunning our mistakes.
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We re not trying to push them away.
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We re not trying to pretend that they didn t happen.
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We re not trying to be in denial.
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We re accepting they happened.
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We re accepting we made them.
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But we won t accept that we are them.
1
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We re not going to accept that we re defined by them because our life shows us that we have a bit of both.
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We ve all won and failed.
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We ve all been stuck and focused.
1
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We ve all made mistakes and got things right.
1
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Please recognize that.
1
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Now, the first type of guilt that we experience that I want to talk about today is guilt over a past mistake.
1
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How many of you replay your past mistakes in your mind?
1
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Maybe it was in a relationship, and you think to yourself, well, if I didn t do that, they d still be here.
1
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If I did do that, they d still be here.
1
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I ruined that.
1
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I messed that up.
1
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I had such a good thing going, but maybe if I just didn t open my mouth, maybe if I didn t set those boundaries, maybe if I didn t push so hard.
1
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We all experience guilt over past mistakes, and sometimes these guilts get so deep-rooted
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that they start to impact all of our lives afterwards.
1
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They start to impact everything.
1
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What ends up happening is that when you feel guilt over a past mistake, you now reflect and project that guilt onto new people at work, new people in your relationships, friends, anyone that comes across your way.
1
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And so it s so important to address this.
1
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It s so important to accept it.
1
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It s so important to focus in on it.
1
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If there s a guilt over a past mistake, if you can, if the person is alive and accessible, when you prepare or when you feel prepared, the best thing you can do is actually reach out and try and solve it.
1
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If you have done something that you don t feel proud about, if you feel you ve done something that you don t feel represents who you are, and there s a past mistake that is haunting you or lurking there behind you, it s important that you can reach out and set the record straight.
1
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And that s a really beautiful thing to be able to do.
1
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So now let s say that you are going to reach out.
1
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I think it s really important that you prepare before you do.
1
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Often we have this knee-jerk reaction to just pick up the phone and say, I m sorry.
1
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And we re not thinking about how it may affect the other person.
1
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We re not thinking about what it may mean for us.
1
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And often, if the person is not accessible or you may actually in your preparation realize, I don t think talking to them directly is going to do any good,
1
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it s important to check in with yourself and share that apology.
1
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You may share that apology energetically.
1
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You may share that apology as a healing practice if you don t feel that person is accessible or you may not be connected to them anymore.
1
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Hey everyone, this is Molly and Matt and we re the hosts of Grown Up Stuff How to Adult, a podcast from Ruby Studio and iHeart Podcasts.
1
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It s a show dedicated to helping you figure out the trickiest parts of adulting.
1
SPEAKER_02
like how to start planning for retirement, creating a healthy skincare routine, understanding when and how much to tip someone, and so much more.
1
SPEAKER_01
We re back with season two of the podcast, which means more opportunities to glow up and become a more responsible and better adult, one life lesson at a time.
1
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And let me just tell you, this show is just as much for us as it is for you.
1
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So let s figure this stuff out together.
1
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This season, we re going to talk about whether or not we re financially and emotionally ready for dog ownership.
1
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We re going to figure out the benefits of a high-yield savings account.
1
SPEAKER_02
And what exactly are the duties of being a member of the wedding party?
1
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All that plus so much more.
1
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Let s learn about all of it and then some.
1
SPEAKER_02
Listen to Grown Up Stuff How to Adult on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
2
SPEAKER_01
Guess what, Bango?
2
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What s up, Will?
2
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So iHeart is giving us a whole minute to promote our podcast, Part-Time Genius.
2
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I know, that s why I spent my whole week composing a haiku for the occasion.
2
SPEAKER_02
It s about my emotional journey in podcasting over the last seven years, and it s called Earthquake House.
2
SPEAKER_01
Mango, I m going to cut you off right there.
2
SPEAKER_01
Why don t we just tell people about our show instead?
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, that s a better idea.
2
SPEAKER_02
So every week on Part-Time Genius, we feed our curiosity by answering the world s most important questions.
2
SPEAKER_02
Things like, when did America start dialing 911?
2
SPEAKER_02
Is William Shatner s best acting work in Esperanto?
2
SPEAKER_02
Also, what happened to Esperanto?
2
SPEAKER_01
Plus, we cover questions like how Chinese is your Chinese food?
2
SPEAKER_01
How do dollar stores stay in business?
2
SPEAKER_01
And of course, is there an Illuminati of cheese?
2
SPEAKER_01
There absolutely is.
2
SPEAKER_02
And we are risking our lives by talking about it.
2
SPEAKER_02
But if you love mind-blowing facts, incredible history and really bad jokes, make your brains happy and tune in to Part-Time Genius.
2
SPEAKER_01
Listen to Part-Time Genius on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.
2
SPEAKER_03
A new season of Bridgerton is here.
2
SPEAKER_03
And with it, a new season of Bridgerton, the official podcast.
2
SPEAKER_03
I m your host, Gabrielle Collins.
2
SPEAKER_03
And this season, we are bringing fans even deeper into the ton.
2
SPEAKER_03
Colin Bridgerton has returned from his travels abroad.
2
SPEAKER_03
Is Betrothal written in the stars for the eligible bachelor?
2
SPEAKER_03
Meanwhile, the ton is reverberating with speculation of who holds Lady Whistledown s pen.
2
SPEAKER_03
We re discussing it all.
2
SPEAKER_03
I sit down with Nicola Coughlin, Luke Newton, Shonda Rhimes, and more to offer an exclusive peek behind the scenes of each episode of the new season.
2
SPEAKER_03
Watch season three of the Shondaland series on Netflix.
2
SPEAKER_03
Then,
2
SPEAKER_03
Fall in love all over again by listening to Bridgerton, the official podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
2
SPEAKER_03
Subscribe to catch a new episode every Thursday.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I remember when I was on my tour, I met so many people who would say to me, they haven t spoken to someone they love for years.
2
SPEAKER_00
Now, if you remember, if you did come to my tour, and if you didn t, I hope you ll come to our next event.
2
SPEAKER_00
But at my tour, I encouraged people to call people that they hadn t spoken to for whatever challenge they d been going through personally.
2
SPEAKER_00
It could have been a couple of years, it could have been 10 years.
2
SPEAKER_00
And everyone who made that call,
2
SPEAKER_00
It wasn t a fairytale ending because that wasn t the goal.
2
SPEAKER_00
The goal was that that person had the courage to sit in the discomfort, to share how they truly felt because it was healing to them and they felt the other person needed to hear it too.
2
SPEAKER_00
We had people calling up ex-partners saying, I m sorry for how I dealt with the divorce.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m not asking for you back, but I want you to know I love and appreciate you.
2
SPEAKER_00
We had people reaching out and saying, you re my brother, I love you, I m so sorry that we fell out two years ago.
2
SPEAKER_00
We had people saying, I m sorry that this event got in the way of our friendship.
2
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And whether the person on the other side was amicable or reciprocal, what I found is that the person who shared it
2
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felt the most healed, and the person who received it found some solace in it.
2
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The second thing that you can do with guilt over a past mistake is change your behavior in the future.
2
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This is the best remedy for yourself and others.
2
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The only way you make yourself feel better about the past is by doing better in the future.
2
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Let me say that again.
2
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The only way you make yourself feel better about the past
2
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is by doing better in the future.
2
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You can t make yourself feel good about the past if you continue to behave badly in the future.
2
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It doesn t work that way.
2
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We can t change the past.
2
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We can t solve the past.
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We can t edit the past.
2
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But when we edit the present, we create the future that we really want.
2
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We can t edit the past.
2
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And we live in the past just kind of doing mental exercises, trying to figure it out, but it doesn t work that way.
2
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And I want you to recognize with all of this guilt and shame that if you experience a sense of guilt, it just shows that you re reflective.
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I always feel that way.
2
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I experience guilt.
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And I ve started to recognize that it just shows that I care.
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It just shows that I m reflective.
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It shows that I m allowing myself to question myself.
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I m allowing myself to not think that everything I do is right and perfect and wonderful.
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And I think that that s a great quality.
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It s shame that we want to shift away from.
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And guilt, if it s not taken care of, will very easily grow into shame.
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While shame is unhealthy, guilt is something we have to deal with.
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It s showing us what we need to heal, but it s also showing us that we re reflective, introspective beings.
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So I don t want you to guilt yourself for feeling guilt.
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I want you to feel heard and seen and understood.
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I don t want you to guilt yourself for feeling that way.
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The second type of guilt is guilt because of how someone made you feel.
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Now, this may be guilt where you didn t see any involvement, you didn t see or feel any responsibility, but someone came back at you and told you.
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Someone may have told you, hey, you said this to me and it made me feel this way.
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You did this and it made me feel this way.
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And now you re feeling guilty because of how they ve expressed that to you.
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And in this opportunity, it s always important to acknowledge the person s feelings.
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It s always important to acknowledge that there is some truth in how that person feels, even if that wasn t your intent, even if that s not what you were trying to do.
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And I think often this guilt can lead to more guilt if we actually shun the other person away.
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If we act as if it doesn t matter, that s not what we were trying to do, we go into defensive mode.
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What ends up happening is we actually make them feel worse.
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worse, and we make ourselves feel worse in the long run.
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So acknowledging that there is some truth, there is some reality to that person s emotions and feelings is important.
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The second step is recognizing what is your part and what may have been misconstrued by them.
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I think it s so important to recognize that there are always
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always two sides to that story, right?
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There are always, we look at everything from our subjective lens.
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Often I ll sit down and think, where do I have this viewpoint from?
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Why do I have this vantage point?
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And I ll recognize there s so many biases in why I even said that or got there, right?
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There s so many biases happening every single day of why I even said something, why I got to that point, why I made it in the way that I made it, everything else.
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When you start becoming aware of that, you can actually better explain it.
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The other day, Radhi called me up, and she had a really urgent question for me.
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And I was really tired.
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I hadn t eaten all day.
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And I said to her, I said, Radhi, if I respond right now, I m not going to give you my best answer.
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Do you mind if I just get something to eat first, and I ll tell you straight away?
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And that was me protecting myself.
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from behaving in a way that I would later feel guilty about, or from having her have to tell me that, hey, I didn t like the way you spoke to me.
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And then I would defend myself and be like, oh, but I was tired.
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You don t even understand.
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You didn t even ask how I was, when actually the truth is, by being reflective, I can actually preempt that.
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Now, let s say your situation is a bit more serious than that.
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I think it s important that you own your part, but you don t own all of it.
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You recognize your involvement, you recognize your part, but you accept that there are other reasons as well.
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Now, if you re on the receiving end of that and you re like, well, I want that person to accept all responsibility, I think often that
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Even if it feels that way, and by the way, there are situations where it is just the other person s action, and it is just the other person s behavior.
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You weren t old enough, you weren t thoughtful enough, you weren t wise enough.
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That is real.
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And in that situation, you re not taking responsibility for the experience or the event.
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You re saying taking responsibility for the future you want to build.
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I think this is a really subtle difference I want to point out, that if you re not at fault, you never accept responsibility for the fault or the event or whatever happened.
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you accept responsibility for the future you want to build and create.
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That s one of the things that coaching focuses on, is that coaching is not telling you to take responsibility for the mistakes that happened to you or the issues or the abuse you received or the trauma.
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That would be so unhealthy to tell someone to do that.
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That is not what we re saying to do here.
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What I m saying is you re saying, I want to live a great life from now.
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And I went through this, I experienced this, this happened to me, but I m going to take charge of where I want to go.
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Another step here is to recognize what parts of it you re willing to take responsibility for, as opposed to just feeling guilty because of how they re making you feel.
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I also want to recommend in all of this process that therapy is such a powerful form.
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I partnered with BetterHelp several times on the podcast.
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We had some really phenomenal conversations with so many individuals who were dealing with different challenges and showed how therapy can be powerful for that.
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I highly, highly recommend
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that because it can be really, really important to do that.
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Therapy is a great safe space to reflect on these things so that you don t lead to more negative behaviors towards yourself or unhealthy ideas towards yourself at the same time being able to grow.
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Now, the other guilt that we experience is what I mentioned earlier, the guilt for not making time for others, right?
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The guilt or the feeling of letting someone else down.
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And again, going back to our earlier principle, make time now.
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Make time now.
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If you feel guilty about not giving someone time before, make time now.
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Now, you may say, they don t want to spend time with me anymore, Jay.
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I lost them.
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They re not around anymore.
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Make time for the next person.
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Make time for other people.
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Make time for people who ve always made time for you.
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Go out there and make that change.
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Don t be selfish and just want to make it for that person that you can t get back.
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Make it for another person.
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And know that you re doing it for that reason.
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Know and be aware that, hey, I m making time because I recognize I haven t in the past.
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I now want to make time for people I care about.
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This second point is really important.
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And I want you to write this down because I think it s often missed.
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Recognize what your priorities were when you didn t make time for the people you wanted to make time for.
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What s really interesting is once we start living with a benefit we get, we forget why it was our focus.
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Let me explain to you.
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Let s say
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a parent works really hard to put food on the table and provide for their family.
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Now, when they may not be financially as unstable, they may look back and think, oh my gosh, all those years I just spent working, I wish I had spent time with the kids.
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But the truth is, it wasn t plausible.
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It wasn t possible for them to do that.
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They needed to work hard in order to pay for the bills, in order to take care of their family at that moment in time.
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And I feel we forget the priorities when we get a result, right?
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Now that you have the time or now that that parent has the time or has the financial space to have more time with the kids, they now guilt themselves.
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But the truth is you didn t before.
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So it s so important to recognize what your priorities were at the time and why they existed.
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Because I think for so many people, we miss that.
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right we miss that we don t recognize that actually at that point if we would have spent time with that person then maybe we would have lost out on a lot more or maybe we would have had really bad anxiety or maybe we would have had a lot of other issues right think about what would have been lost
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if you completely shifted over.
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Because sometimes we have this nostalgic view in our mind of, oh, it could have been like this.
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It should have been like this.
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But we often are beating ourselves up when we never deserved that.
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We don t deserve that.
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So recognize why you focused on what you focused when you did.
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The next type of guilt
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which is really interesting, is the guilt of not having pain or the guilt of having privilege or the guilt of safety and security.
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It s really fascinating to me that people who grew up in wealth or safety often feel guilt for having that.
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It s real.
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I ve actually sat down and spoken to people who feel guilty that their parents were successful.
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They feel guilty that they didn t have to think about survival.
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They feel guilty that they had privilege growing up.
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And if you ve experienced that, it s important to share that with others because, again, it s a guilt that you carry that is valid.
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And often these people don t feel like that guilt is valid.
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They think, oh, well, how can I feel guilty because I have everything, but then I feel guilty for having it, right?
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Because I can see that other people don t have it.
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What I ve seen people in this space beautifully do is that they try and share it with others.
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They try and do philanthropic work, charity work, support work.
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They try and do healing work.
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It s so powerful to see people who realize that the privilege they received was to be turned into purpose.
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The privilege they received was to be taken as a responsibility to help other people and to share it with as many people as they could.
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I think it s also important that you build something of your own.
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And people may not perceive it that way, but
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You try your best to do that.
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And the final one I wanted to address was guilt from having got through something difficult when others didn t, often known as survival guilt.
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This can be really, really tough when you think you got through something and other people didn t.
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But it s a beautiful opportunity again to help others through their journey, to share your healing, to share your pain.
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And I think the biggest challenge with guilt is we feel like our guilt is not valid.
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We feel like somewhere deep inside of us, we shouldn t have that feeling.
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But the truth is, the more we share it,
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The more we talk to others, the more we express it to therapists, to coaches, to friends, to family members, the more we create safe, vulnerable spaces to share these things, the healthier our society becomes because we realize that everyone is dealing with something.
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But helping people through their journey, helping someone who s a couple of years behind you on the journey, is a beautiful and powerful step to take in your own healing.
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I really hope that this helps you today.
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I want to thank you for listening as always.
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I appreciate you letting me riff on some of these topics that are so important.
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And I hope there s one insight you take away from today that transforms your relationship with shame and guilt.
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Thank you for listening.
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Make sure you leave a review.
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Make sure you share this episode with someone who could use it.
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And I can t wait for you to come back next week or tomorrow or later today for another one.
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Thank you so much.
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Sometimes life feels like a roller coaster.
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One minute we re rocketing upwards, the next we re heading straight down.
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But in reality, even roller coasters let us coast sometimes, so we can catch our breath.
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And in life, we can learn to create more of that smooth sailing.
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It all comes down to finding the middle path.
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The next seven minutes are about equanimity and the value of returning to center.
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I m Jay Shetty.
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Welcome to The Daily Jay.
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Now let s begin to get centered here by tapping into the breath.
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Take a big breath in,
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and release a big breath out.
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Really filling yourself up and letting it all go.
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Coming into the present and settling with focus.
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Just like that.
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So when I was young, I played a lot of soccer, or as I called it back in London, football.
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And I had this coach who said something I ll never forget.
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He told us, when you win, celebrate for a night, but then get back to training.
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And when you lose, cry for a night, but then get back to training.
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He was a monk and didn t know it.
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And really, that s how we should approach all of life.
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When something amazing happens, it s easy to want to hang out in that space.
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And we should enjoy it.
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But too often, we try to cling to that feeling.
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It s the same when negative things happen and we let ourselves wallow.
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Instead, we re better off if we find our way back to center.
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When I studied as a monk, our teachers would emphasize equanimity, which is kind of a fancy way to say composure and evenness of temper.
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We were encouraged to experience an emotion, but then come back to a steady state of calm.
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I like to think of equanimity as the balance point on a seesaw, neither up nor down.
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But often, we experience life as a series of highs and lows, which can make things feel out of control or unstable.
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It s like we re constantly feeling these big swings.
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One day we re over the moon, the next we re down in the dumps.
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I ve also noticed that many of us feel pressure to be happy all the time.
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And when we don t feel that way, it s like we re somehow failing.
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Equanimity helps with both of these issues.
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First, it allows us to access stillness and withstand the pull of our emotions.
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When it comes to the rollercoaster of life, we don t have to stay strapped into the ride.
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We can step back and watch the car go by, observing.
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We can still feel happiness and sadness, but they re not driving us.
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And in turn, hopefully, life won t be so unsettled.
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We can focus on feeling peaceful instead of positive.
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What I mean is that we can release the pressure to feel joyful all the time.
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And ironically, that actually results in a more positive feeling.
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When we learn how to return to center, we re calmer and less reactive.
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And while life is swirling around us, we can rest in the eye of the storm.
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With that in mind, let s work on our equanimity as we turn to our meditation.
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First, get a little more comfortable wherever you are, relaxing your body and tuning in to yourself.
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Find something to anchor you in the present, whether it s your breath, a sensation in your body, or a point of contact with the ground.
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See if you can rest gently here, leaning in to this calm center.
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Remember, the goal here is to be more peaceful and less reactive.
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To step outside the swirl.
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Of course, your mind may start to wander.
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Thoughts or emotions may start to tug at you.
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You may even feel like you re getting caught on a roller coaster.
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If that happens, see if you can get off the ride, watching your thoughts or emotions fly past without allowing them to whisk you away.
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Then, always
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Come back to center.
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And now let s open this up.
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As you go through life, do you often oscillate between high and low?
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Or do you feel pressure to chase positivity?
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What could you do to embrace equanimity in your day-to-day?
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Can you make a point of trying to return to center?
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I know this might not always be easy, so have compassion for yourself whenever you do experience a big swing.
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You can always come back here to this session to help you find your center again.
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Thanks for being here today.
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I can t wait to see you tomorrow.
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Guess what, Will?
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What s that, Mango?
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I ve been trying to write a promo for our podcast, Part-Time Genius, but even though we ve done over 250 episodes, we don t really talk about murders or cults.
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I mean, we did just cover the Illuminati of cheese, so I feel like that makes us pretty edgy.
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We also solve mysteries like how Chinese is your Chinese food and how do dollar stores make money?
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And then, of course, can you game a dog show?
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So what you re saying is everyone should be listening.
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Listen to Part-Time Genius on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.