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This episode was sponsored by BetterHelp Online Therapy.
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Big thanks to Hasu Jo, licensed therapist and head of clinical operations at BetterHelp.
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Hasu Jo is not my actual therapist, and we are not in a therapist-client relationship.
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Also, just because you might hear something on the show that sounds similar to what you re experiencing, beware of self-diagnosis.
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You ll want to find a qualified professional to assess and explore diagnosis if that s important to you.
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Welcome to the School of Greatness.
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My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur.
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And each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness.
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Thanks for spending some time with me today.
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Now let the class begin.
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I m curious to see, can we
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If we don t go back and create congruency and alignment with our past memories that have essentially made up our life of who we are today.
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If we don t do that, but we say, okay, I m clear on what I want to create in the next couple of years of my life.
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And I ve got a direction.
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Can we have a fulfilling, peaceful, harmonious life without going back and creating that congruency from where we were to where we are now?
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If we just say, okay, I m clear on my goals and my mission, is it possible to have peace still?
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Or do you really think as a licensed therapist that you ve got to create congruency with all the parts of your past to where you are today in order to have more harmony in your life moving forward?
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As a licensed therapist, I ve learned to avoid any absolutes.
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I do think it s possible.
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I think it s possible for plenty of people to achieve what you re talking about without going into the past and finding this congruency.
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But can you find peace when you achieve?
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I imagine there s some people that may be able to, but it s going to be a different flavor, a different iteration.
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I think true harmony piece, if you re asking me, which is just my personal thoughts and other folks may think differently.
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Let me start like if you, listener, are thinking about the folks in your life that seem the most well adjusted, the most balanced, the most, you know, able to navigate and tackle life s challenges without freaking out or without losing it.
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chances are those folks are at peace, like you re describing.
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Those folks have gone and reconciled something about that s happened to them or the way people have treated them, and they ve turned it into something that s meaningful and understandable instead of running away or hiding from avoiding things that have been painful.
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I mean, I m trying to set you up because for most of my life, I was running from and avoiding the pain of the past, the memories of the past, and I was accomplishing.
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I was very clear on what I wanted to create, and I was good at organizing my time and being disciplined and all those things and accomplishing goals, but I still didn t feel peaceful inside.
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I still felt overwhelmed and anxious and stressed out and worried about what people think about me and judging myself and putting myself down if I wasn t perfect.
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And all those things stem from a lack of harmony from my past, when I was able to really dive into the last few years and assess it, like you said with online therapy is like doing an assessment.
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recalling things, healing, creating a process of healing.
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And it s hard to heal if you re not willing to face the things that cause you the most hurt.
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And that s why I think it s important to have a coach, some type of support and online therapy.
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For a long time, I was really fearful of self-doubt.
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And I m a big believer that self-doubt is the killer of all of our dreams.
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It s what holds us back.
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We can have all the skill and the talent and the accolades,
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But if we don t believe we re good enough to take action courageously on the things we want to create in our life or in the relationships that are meaningful to us, then it doesn t matter how talented we are, we hold ourselves back when we doubt self because we lack the courage to act.
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It s one of the things I talk about in my book about these kind of three, the three main fears of self-doubt, fear of failure, success, and judgment.
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For me, judgment was one that I was most afraid of, and it held me back from being the most authentic, loving person I could be.
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How can therapy be used as a tool to overcome someone s greatest fears, insecurities, and self-doubt?
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There s many different kinds of therapy.
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So depending on which kind of therapist you find and what approach they take, how they conceptualize people, you might tackle this particular puzzle in different ways.
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Overall, I do think therapy can be used to overcome a lot of fears by exploring where these fears come from.
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You know, you ve been mentioning this combination of therapy and coaching, and that s something that I think is a great combination for people to think about.
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And I know you didn t ask this, but for folks that are unsure of what the difference is, why are there two different things?
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What are these things about?
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So, through my own experiences going through coaching too, and therapy, of course.
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Therapy really focuses on a lot of whys, a lot of why do I feel this way?
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Why do I connect like this or not connect like this?
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Why do I behave when this kind of thing happens?
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Coaching very much focuses on how.
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How am I going to get from here to there?
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How will I achieve this next step?
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How will I structure my plan and my vision?
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And how am I going to do whatever it means to get there?
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Using both or just therapy, just coaching even to overcome fears.
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It s about, you know, process.
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It s about understanding these things so that you can think about them differently.
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Because then you can start thinking about yourself differently.
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You know, we come from or behave from this place of fear, because like you said, there s different things that we can be fearful of.
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Often it s fear of being rejected by something, somebody, the world, ourselves.
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And if we can figure out, like,
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where it comes from and try to explain it, then we can create a new narrative and we can break free from this like skit that s playing over and over and over and we re trying to reenact, trying to correct without even understanding what it is we re trying to make better.
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I m hearing you saying it s important to have both.
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It s having some type of coaching.
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And you could also get that within therapy.
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A therapist could give you coaching, actionable steps as well.
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But if you re just taking action and creating and creating, and you re not understanding why you re feeling something, then you re kind of masking it without doing the deeper work as well.
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That s why I think you want to have both.
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which is really powerful, I think.
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So again, if you re looking for a clearer direction in your life, if you re looking for some healing, if you re looking for just more joy and freedom and peace of mind, then I encourage you to go to betterhelp.com slash Lewis.
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Again, you get 10% off the first month when you do that.
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So you can try it for a month.
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and explore it.
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Check it out.
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You can find a therapist and you can switch, I believe, at any time.
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So if you re feeling like, ah, maybe this doesn t work for me, let me try someone different.
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You can do that as well over at BetterHelp.
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They ve got, again, online support.
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So if you have any questions, you can ask them questions right on the website.
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Again, betterhelp.com slash Lewis.
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I hope today s episode inspired you on your journey towards greatness.
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Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a rundown of today s show with all the important links.
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And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me as well as ad free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our greatness plus channel on apple podcast.
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Leave us a review over on Apple podcast and let me know what you learned over on our social media channels at Lewis Howes.
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And if you want more inspiration from our world-class guests and content to learn how to improve the quality of your life, then make sure to sign up for the Greatness Newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com slash newsletter.
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And if no one has told you today, I want to remind you that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter.
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And now it s time to go out there and do something great.