0
SPEAKER_01
Hello.
0
SPEAKER_00
Hi, how are you?
0
SPEAKER_01
I m okay.
0
SPEAKER_01
How are you?
0
SPEAKER_00
What s your name?
0
SPEAKER_01
Um, can I get my real name?
0
SPEAKER_00
No, give me a fake name.
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SPEAKER_00
I m gonna give you, I m just gonna give you a fake name.
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SPEAKER_00
I m gonna give you one.
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SPEAKER_00
I m gonna call you, uh, Annie.
0
SPEAKER_01
What, who, Amy?
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SPEAKER_01
Come on, bro.
0
SPEAKER_01
I don t sound like an Amy.
0
SPEAKER_00
All right.
0
SPEAKER_00
You know what?
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SPEAKER_00
You get the fake name you get and you don t get upset, Amy.
0
SPEAKER_00
How old are you, Amy?
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SPEAKER_01
I m 23.
0
SPEAKER_00
Well, um, what s going on, Amy?
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SPEAKER_00
How can I, how can I get you today?
0
SPEAKER_00
What s happening, man?
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SPEAKER_01
Honestly, that s such a loaded question with everything that s gone on in like the past year and a half of my life.
0
SPEAKER_01
But, um, basically long story short, um, right before my senior year of college started,
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SPEAKER_01
one of my best friends was like, murdered the first week of school.
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SPEAKER_00
Jesus.
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SPEAKER_01
And it was just the craziest, like, his most mind warping time, honestly, in my life.
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SPEAKER_01
And I thinking back on it now.
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SPEAKER_01
I m just like, I can t even believe it s been that long.
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SPEAKER_01
And it s like, this the way that I ve had to accept like that I ll never get closure on some things has been just
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SPEAKER_01
way too much for me to handle, you know?
0
SPEAKER_00
What sorts of things are you trying to accept that you ll never get closure on?
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SPEAKER_01
Basically, just with everything that happened to her, it was like a lot of blurred lines and just like things that don t add up from like the person that murdered her.
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SPEAKER_01
And like, he never technically got charged with a murder just because of the way laws work in my state.
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SPEAKER_01
So it s just like,
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SPEAKER_01
Although he is behind bars for what he did, it s still no one was responsible with her life.
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SPEAKER_01
And I ll never really know like what really like in a way killed her, like what really happened with it, you know?
0
SPEAKER_00
Can I ask you what happened?
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SPEAKER_00
Do you want to talk about what happened?
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I can.
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SPEAKER_01
I can kind of go into it.
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SPEAKER_01
So basically, there s this huge thing in my school that I went to in college.
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SPEAKER_01
Just background, I went to a Big Ten college.
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SPEAKER_01
really big school, big party school.
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SPEAKER_01
It s really known for that.
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SPEAKER_01
And it s really like great college in general, but it definitely has a culture around drinking and partying and Greek life is like the biggest thing ever.
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SPEAKER_01
So it definitely prompts a lot of crazy shit to happen there.
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SPEAKER_01
But this was like way more than I ever can understand.
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SPEAKER_01
But there s this thing that everyone got like goes to on Tuesdays, it s called $2 Tuesdays.
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SPEAKER_01
And
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SPEAKER_01
It was the first one of the year.
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SPEAKER_01
We had all just moved back down.
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SPEAKER_01
It was the week before school started.
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SPEAKER_01
It s called Welcome Week, and this is our senior year.
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SPEAKER_01
And me and my friend had met each other when we were in high school, but we d never really met each other for real and started becoming friends until freshman year of college.
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SPEAKER_01
She was my best friend throughout all three years of college, one of my closest friends.
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SPEAKER_01
And that night, she was a year younger than me, so she wasn t 21 yet.
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SPEAKER_01
I was 21 at the time.
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SPEAKER_01
I, me and two other friends had gone to the $2 Tuesday thing.
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SPEAKER_01
She was at another friend s house and they were all just like kind of pre-gaming to go out later, but Avery was just going to do something else.
0
SPEAKER_01
But basically Avery ended up getting, she ended up getting just like more drunk than she intended.
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SPEAKER_01
And she was supposed to leave and come to my house.
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SPEAKER_01
and I was supposed to go pick her up.
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SPEAKER_01
But since I was drunk, I was like, I ll walk to you.
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SPEAKER_01
Cause we were only like 10 minute walk away from each other.
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SPEAKER_01
But by the time I said that her friend was like, no, I ll just drive her over to you.
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SPEAKER_01
But Avery was still thinking that I was coming to walk and get her.
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SPEAKER_01
So she was being reluctant to go with her friend.
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SPEAKER_01
Although me and her friend had already worked this whole thing out that she was going to get dropped off at my house, but she didn t have her phone, her keys or anything.
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SPEAKER_01
So she didn t want to leave because she couldn t find them.
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SPEAKER_01
And then she ended up getting in the car, but was convinced that our other friend was taking her to the wrong house because I had just moved to a different house this year and she d only been there like once or twice.
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SPEAKER_01
So she was like unfamiliar with the area I was in.
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SPEAKER_01
And so she got out of the car without any of her stuff, like a block away from my house by this gas station.
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SPEAKER_01
And then I was on the phone with the friend that let her out of the car basically.
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SPEAKER_01
not thinking anything of it because she was being aggressive and they were both very drunk.
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SPEAKER_01
So she was like, she ll make it to Lauren s.
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SPEAKER_01
She s literally right down the street.
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SPEAKER_01
But like, I was waiting on my porch for her and she never showed up.
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SPEAKER_01
So I was just like, what the fuck?
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SPEAKER_01
Like, where s my friend?
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SPEAKER_01
And then my sober friend, my roommate at the time came home and I was like, yo, I don t know where my friend is.
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SPEAKER_01
We need to go look for her.
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SPEAKER_01
Like, I m scared.
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SPEAKER_01
Like, she doesn t have any of her stuff on her, you know?
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SPEAKER_01
So then we drive around, we don t see her at all.
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SPEAKER_01
We drive around where she lives, which is like 10 minutes walk away from me, drive around my neighborhood, don t see her, drive around where she was, came from, wasn t there.
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SPEAKER_01
And so then I was just, I mean, I was intoxicated too.
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SPEAKER_01
So then I call my other best friend.
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SPEAKER_01
So it was me, my best friend that was missing at the time and my other best friends who were like a trio.
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SPEAKER_01
My other part of the trio was in Florida.
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SPEAKER_01
So I FaceTime her while I m drunk and I m like, yo, I don t know where our friend is.
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SPEAKER_01
Like, I don t know what to do because she doesn t have her phone on her.
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SPEAKER_01
No one knows where she is.
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SPEAKER_01
She could be with maybe one of her friends like, you know, that she ran into or maybe someone else she knew in the area.
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SPEAKER_01
Like no one knew.
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SPEAKER_01
So then basically I ended up just going to sleep that night and I was like, I don t know what to do.
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SPEAKER_01
There s no way I can track this girl.
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SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
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SPEAKER_01
where she is and I was feeling ill about it but like really truly there s nothing that I could do and everyone was like she s okay like she s probably just with like her kind of man at the time s friends or something along the lines of that but then the next day we woke up still heard nothing from her which was rare because she was always the type to wake up early and text us that like she was up or whatever send us something funny from the night before like just some humorous shit like she was funny
0
SPEAKER_01
And we were just getting here from her and we were like, this is so like, just so fucking weird.
0
SPEAKER_01
So then me and my friend were like, okay, we need to like call our other friend, the roommate that let her out of the car.
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SPEAKER_01
And we do.
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SPEAKER_01
And then we call the police.
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SPEAKER_01
She s not in the hospital.
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SPEAKER_01
She s not anywhere.
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SPEAKER_01
And so then we re just like, this is so messed up.
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SPEAKER_01
And then like, all of a sudden I m on the phone with my best friend.
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SPEAKER_01
And she was on the phone with our friend s stepmom at the time and the police had came to their door and said that they had found their daughter dead.
0
SPEAKER_01
And then we just started flipping out and we re like, how and what and where and like, how did any of this happen?
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SPEAKER_01
And basically, we didn t even find out that like the person that did this to her wasn t arrested for like two months later.
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SPEAKER_01
This guy that just like murdered our friend was just out there and we had like no idea what had happened really truly.
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SPEAKER_01
And then we had to wait like an entire year until like this past June to even go to trials for it and everything.
0
SPEAKER_01
And we still never even got full closure because he didn t have to go up on the stand because he didn t have to like choose to incriminate himself.
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SPEAKER_00
So you don t even know what happened.
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SPEAKER_00
Who is this guy?
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SPEAKER_00
She was just walking drunk along the streets and this guy just randomly from the streets kidnapped her?
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
That s in a nutshell basically what happened.
0
SPEAKER_01
The trials pieced it more together for us and gave us an idea of the timeline.
0
SPEAKER_01
We saw footage of her in her parking garage.
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SPEAKER_01
like alone.
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SPEAKER_01
She was talking to some people, but I think the conclusion of her like being in the parking garage and not being able to get up to her apartment was because she didn t have her keys.
0
SPEAKER_01
And like when you have an elevator in the parking garage, like you can t go up to a floor unless you have the fob.
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SPEAKER_01
She never had her fob.
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SPEAKER_01
So there s footage of her in the elevator, like trying to go up and down, but it won t let her out on her floor.
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SPEAKER_01
And then
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SPEAKER_01
There s like footage of her going in and out of the garage, like trying to talk to people.
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SPEAKER_00
But is there like, is there footage of her and this guy?
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
How did she meet this guy?
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SPEAKER_01
There s, there s no footage of her actually meeting him.
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SPEAKER_01
It s hearsay of like what he said, how they met, which was, they met like five blocks away from my house, which was legitimately on campus.
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SPEAKER_01
at this university.
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SPEAKER_01
So that just shows you everything about safety at colleges.
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SPEAKER_01
He was just lurking at 2 to 5 a.m.
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SPEAKER_01
on
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SPEAKER_01
on a random Tuesday night, like nobody s business.
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SPEAKER_01
And he said that that night he was looking to get drunk and fuck some bitches.
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SPEAKER_01
So then he picks up my friend while she s overly intoxicated, alone and drunk.
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SPEAKER_01
And the technical cause of her death was fentanyl.
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SPEAKER_01
So what we won t like ever know is, because the autopsy doesn t reveal how the fentanyl was ingested.
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SPEAKER_01
They didn t find any like points on her skin or anything like that.
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SPEAKER_01
Like either she took a pill of some sort or like bad drugs, but like we ll just, or like the thing is, is like, I know she would never do that.
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SPEAKER_01
So it s like very difficult
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SPEAKER_01
for me to ever think that would happen.
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SPEAKER_01
And he also raped her two times, three times, more maybe, I don t know, but.
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SPEAKER_00
Jesus.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it s just, like, I don t ever think that she would willingly do that, but, like, people, originally when this happened, people thought that, like, she did this to herself.
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SPEAKER_01
Like, they thought that she took bad drugs and killed herself.
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SPEAKER_01
But I knew that was never true the whole time.
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SPEAKER_00
I m sorry to hear about all this.
1
SPEAKER_00
This is a wild, wild, wild thing, especially, you know, being, you know, in contact with her the night that it all happened.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
And I mean, the hardest part is definitely the guilt of like, wishing I wouldn t have never went to sleep and just like looked for her more and like went in the parking garage.
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SPEAKER_01
It s just like, it was the first we had moved down there.
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SPEAKER_01
We had hung out that day.
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SPEAKER_01
Like we,
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SPEAKER_01
went to the grocery store together.
1
SPEAKER_01
We went to the gym.
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SPEAKER_01
We were like, yeah, like let s get ready like this year.
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SPEAKER_01
And then we were like, we re going out later.
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SPEAKER_01
And then like, we literally were at the gym and then we hugged and we were like, see you later.
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SPEAKER_01
Like, cause she was going to come over that night anyways.
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SPEAKER_01
And so it s just crazy that like, we were texting and it was like 12, it was midnight and I was talking to her and then like, I could tell she was drunk, but then I thought I was going to see her later.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then I just,
1
SPEAKER_01
woke up to that the next day and I mean even the crazier part is that my like the other person that s in the trio of our best friends like her best friend was murdered like four months prior to this.
1
SPEAKER_01
This was like the second time that my other friend was going through this and like she genuinely was in like disbelief when she called me she was just like I can t even like process this.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know, your friend s friend had another friend get murdered four months before this?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
At the same school?
1
SPEAKER_01
No, he didn t go to college with us.
1
SPEAKER_01
It was a friend from home.
1
SPEAKER_00
How long ago did all this stuff happen?
1
SPEAKER_01
This is all in the year 2022.
1
SPEAKER_00
So it s still pretty, pretty new.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it was a two year death mark of our friend.
1
SPEAKER_01
the male, a male friend that we had that passed away just a week ago.
1
SPEAKER_00
Man.
1
SPEAKER_00
Um, so the things that you were talking about not getting closure on are really just like, like what exactly happened?
1
SPEAKER_01
Right.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m like, did, were they doing cocaine?
1
SPEAKER_01
Like, like, I just, like, I just want to know, you know, it s like, and then we obviously like me and my other best friend are like fricking detectives because the police weren t
1
SPEAKER_01
Doing as they should they treated the whole case like an overdose when they found my friend not like a murder They didn t fingerprint anything.
1
SPEAKER_01
There was like cut straws.
1
SPEAKER_01
There was definitely probably drugs present but like they said there wasn t I Mean they see and the guy that did this keep in mind was 35 or 36 and he was 20 years So
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, and this all happened at a 36 year old parent s house and the parents were the one that called the police Not the guy that did this to my friend and So so that guy didn t get charged with murder.
1
SPEAKER_00
You said what but he s behind.
1
SPEAKER_00
What exactly happened?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, he got charged with rape And for distributing alcohol to a minor I
1
SPEAKER_00
That s fucking crazy.
1
SPEAKER_01
Because he admitted to supplying her with weed and alcohol.
1
SPEAKER_01
But her system says fentanyl.
1
SPEAKER_00
Who are you with?
1
SPEAKER_01
This is my boyfriend.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, what s up, man?
1
SPEAKER_01
Thanks, man.
1
SPEAKER_01
You have to go on here.
1
SPEAKER_01
He s like, yeah, it s just, it s a lot of, a lot of crazy shit.
1
SPEAKER_01
Honestly, can I, I want to expose the state because fuck, fuck Indiana.
1
SPEAKER_01
Indiana s laws are the reason that this motherfucker is not going for murder right now.
1
SPEAKER_00
I will say a few people, I, I ve, I ve checked out the chat a couple times, uh, while we ve been talking and there have been a couple of people who deduced that it was Indiana.
1
SPEAKER_01
Damn.
1
SPEAKER_00
Somebody in the chat, and I don t know if this is true, and I actually might be making this up because I just kind of glanced at it, but somebody in the chat said that like Indiana, like Indiana University, that like shit like this happens a lot.
1
SPEAKER_00
Is that true?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s what I m saying.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s not surprising.
1
SPEAKER_01
The culture that s breeded at Indiana University is the most toxic and messed up culture of kids.
1
SPEAKER_01
dying underage.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so you ve graduated.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
What are you doing now?
1
SPEAKER_01
I live like near Chicago.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I guess
1
SPEAKER_00
I have a bunch of questions.
1
SPEAKER_00
I mean, how, how often do you do you think about this?
1
SPEAKER_00
I mean, it s only been two years.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s not like this is something that is heavily in the past.
1
SPEAKER_00
But like, how often do you think about it?
1
SPEAKER_00
How often does it like, persist in your brain?
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, man, I mean, I mean, recently, I ve had an easier time with it.
1
SPEAKER_01
I don t really know why.
1
SPEAKER_01
But I feel like the weight of it is
1
SPEAKER_01
is finally getting a little easier, just because I m in my safe, just trying to stay positive and like, live a normal-ish life after all this, you know?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
But, I mean, before, like, over the last summer, after I graduated in May 2023, I started working right after it, just because I was like, screw it, like, I want money, like, I just don t need to sit around and like, pretend all this didn t happen, you know?
1
SPEAKER_01
And like,
1
SPEAKER_01
What was I going to say?
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Back then, in June and July, when I first started working, I thought about it so much.
1
SPEAKER_01
Sometimes during work, I would just have to get up and go to the bathroom just to sob a little bit.
1
SPEAKER_01
I mean, it s way better than that now, just after the trials.
1
SPEAKER_01
The trials was a lot in leading up to that because I had to be on the stand a couple of times.
1
SPEAKER_01
I didn t want them to grill me.
1
SPEAKER_01
about stuff, you know, like why I wasn t trying to help more.
1
SPEAKER_01
Because basically the other side of the case, the defense of the criminal was trying to say like, Avery did this often and this was a part of her behavior to be reckless and drunk and all this.
1
SPEAKER_01
It was just hard because they had the evidence on my phone and stuff.
1
SPEAKER_01
I thought they would look through our messages and stuff and kind of like,
1
SPEAKER_01
see that we were partiers at the time, truly.
1
SPEAKER_01
But who isn t?
1
SPEAKER_01
We were in college.
1
SPEAKER_01
Everybody was drinking.
1
SPEAKER_01
Everyone smoked a little weed.
1
SPEAKER_01
Everyone at IU, say it in the chat, everyone at IU does blow.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s the culture.
1
SPEAKER_00
And how long was the trial for?
1
SPEAKER_00
It was a week.
1
SPEAKER_00
When did that end?
1
SPEAKER_00
Was that also like around the end of 2022?
1
SPEAKER_01
Right before 4th of July of 2023.
1
SPEAKER_01
This is like less than, this is like six months ago.
1
SPEAKER_01
No, almost a year actually, like eight months.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, you know, like I know you talked about like this, this feeling of guilt and uh, I am sure I m not the first person to tell you this, but um,
2
SPEAKER_02
You know, of course your friend getting murdered is is not your fault Right, but I feel like every single day is like Like I look at a picture of her and I m like Like why like why did I go to sleep like?
2
SPEAKER_02
it s just it goes to show for anybody in out there right now listening to this and
2
SPEAKER_02
Never leave your friends alone and don t go out with a dead phone and always keep your stuff on you, you know, in a weapon and a fucking weapon.
2
SPEAKER_02
If it s a knife or pepper spray or something like Lord forbid, you know, this stuff happens every single day and you don t understand the depth of it until it s someone that you really love, like someone that you talk to every single day.
2
SPEAKER_00
Hmm.
2
SPEAKER_00
How has the process of moving on now that you re out of school and you re working and it sounds like you re living with your boyfriend, how s the process of... You laughed, you re not living with your boyfriend?
2
SPEAKER_02
No.
2
SPEAKER_02
We live like, it s funny, like we joke, we re like medium distance right now.
2
SPEAKER_02
We live like 30 minutes away from each other, but it s way better than how we were when I was at school.
2
SPEAKER_02
So I m grateful.
2
SPEAKER_00
I, I, you know, I guess, um, I guess for like a little second, I lived in a universe where of course, why would her, why would her boyfriend just be over?
2
SPEAKER_00
They have to live together.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t know why.
2
SPEAKER_00
That was the universe I lived in for a second.
2
SPEAKER_02
We re living together.
2
SPEAKER_02
Why is everyone gotta live together and get married and have kids?
2
SPEAKER_02
Like, I m young.
2
SPEAKER_02
We vibin .
2
SPEAKER_00
Vibin  is good.
2
SPEAKER_00
Vibin  is a, is a, is a relationship status.
2
SPEAKER_00
I would, I would put that on your Facebook.
2
SPEAKER_00
Um,
2
SPEAKER_00
How s the process of, okay, so you re vibing, that s what I was gonna ask you, is how s vibing?
2
SPEAKER_00
How s the process of vibing?
2
SPEAKER_00
How s today?
2
SPEAKER_00
How s last week?
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I mean, it s definitely, it s been a lot, like I said, the past couple of weeks, it s been a lot just better.
2
SPEAKER_02
I don t know, I ve been more positive and just, I don t know, not getting over it.
2
SPEAKER_01
She s always positive.
2
SPEAKER_01
I ve seen nothing since before.
2
SPEAKER_01
From after, she s changed so much, but in the greatest way possible.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s shocking to me.
2
SPEAKER_01
She s always positive, which is crazy.
2
SPEAKER_00
I like this guy.
2
SPEAKER_00
He s a cool guy.
2
SPEAKER_00
Is he on the speakerphone?
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
Can I talk to him real quick?
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
What s up, guys?
2
SPEAKER_00
What s your deal, man?
2
SPEAKER_01
My deal is her deal.
2
SPEAKER_01
I just told her to call.
2
SPEAKER_01
Cause I got the notification that you re streaming and I just found you a couple months ago and I ve been watching you nonstop.
2
SPEAKER_01
So I was like, well, I don t have shit to tell, but he does.
2
SPEAKER_01
So I m just glad she called you.
2
SPEAKER_01
He picked up.
2
SPEAKER_02
We were cracking up right before you called because like my types were so dry.
2
SPEAKER_02
And I was like, I was like, he s not going to know what I m saying.
2
SPEAKER_00
Um, well, so okay.
2
SPEAKER_00
So you guys aren t living together, but you re vibing.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s good.
2
SPEAKER_00
And, uh, you got it.
2
SPEAKER_00
What do you, what is it?
2
SPEAKER_00
What s your job now?
2
SPEAKER_02
Um, I, I m in marketing.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_02
I graduated from the business school.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
Are you enjoying, um, you know, I guess I m curious because the way that you kind of opened the call, I know that you, you know, a lot of what you seemed to be dealing with right now, you know, is in relation to this, but it seems like you were in some sort of a, of a, of an overall encompassing malaise of some kind.
2
SPEAKER_00
Is that, is, is that, is that true?
2
SPEAKER_00
Or am I making that up?
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I mean, that s the thing.
2
SPEAKER_02
It s like all of this just really made me so eye open to like how I mean, this honestly is gonna sound so corny, but there s that Kanye video where he s like, I asked God to deliver me from pain and he took my mom.
2
SPEAKER_02
And it s like, in a way, that s like how this feels like it s hard to have anything that could ever really hurt that much.
2
SPEAKER_02
And it s like,
2
SPEAKER_02
It s kind of made me so like not even in a bad way, like not numb, but just like it made me realize how little so much means and like how much someone means, you know?
2
SPEAKER_00
Mm hmm.
2
SPEAKER_00
Mm hmm.
2
SPEAKER_00
Ascot delivery from pain.
2
SPEAKER_00
So he took my mom as in like, you want me to deliver you from pain?
2
SPEAKER_00
Here s the most painful thing now, right?
2
SPEAKER_00
There s no more pain in comparison.
2
SPEAKER_02
Right.
2
SPEAKER_02
It s like, it s not even, and obviously like, I live in fear of just like, even my little brother, like he still goes to IU.
2
SPEAKER_02
So it s definitely like, I still have a lot of like, worry with that just because I m like, the culture there, like I said, is very like toxic.
2
SPEAKER_02
So I m like, that definitely still stresses me out.
2
SPEAKER_02
But I m like, at the end of the day, like, yeah, I m like, at the end of the day, it s like, all these things are just things that I can t control.
2
SPEAKER_02
And
2
SPEAKER_02
I m gonna kill myself worrying about all that when I, you know, try to chill out for some time.
2
SPEAKER_02
But yeah, I haven t really been going to therapy much when I probably should be.
2
SPEAKER_02
But I don t know, I just feel like if I was going on like a consistent basis, it would make it like weirder, it would make it harder for me to open up about it authentically.
2
SPEAKER_02
Because I feel like when he just told me to come on here,
2
SPEAKER_02
I was like, screw it, I ll talk about it right now.
2
SPEAKER_02
Cause like, I definitely like feel the love from my friend enough to talk about her every single day to anybody.
2
SPEAKER_02
But at the same time, it s like to a therapist and like paying someone and like, I don t know, that, that to me is pitchy.
2
SPEAKER_02
I don t know.
2
SPEAKER_00
I guess you, yeah, you don t want it to see, to seem, um, like you re like rehearsing it or something like that.
2
SPEAKER_00
Or, or is that, is that kind of what you mean?
2
SPEAKER_02
Right.
2
SPEAKER_02
I mean, it s genuinely like, I ve talked about it so, so much.
2
SPEAKER_02
And like, just even with, you know, like, obviously, you can imagine my best friend s texts and I like our texts every day, or very, like, we talked about our friends that we lost quite a bit.
2
SPEAKER_02
And it s like, I get a lot of just relief, like just talking to them about her and like, you know, looking at old videos, stuff like that.
2
SPEAKER_02
And like,
2
SPEAKER_02
obviously just like having my boyfriend and my family and stuff like they all understand everything that And it s also kind of crazy too because my little brother was also very good friends with this girl so like sometimes we talk about her and it like It s a different part, you know, I Was gonna ask her.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, what s how s your relationship with so it was a trio?
2
SPEAKER_00
it was you and Avery and This other girl who s who s this other girl?
2
SPEAKER_00
Are you still friends with her?
2
SPEAKER_00
I
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh yeah, she s my bestie.
2
SPEAKER_02
Day one.
2
SPEAKER_02
So we talk.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, every day we hang out quite a lot.
2
SPEAKER_02
We go to church together.
2
SPEAKER_02
We re very encouraging, I would say.
2
SPEAKER_02
We both have like opposite work schedules right now.
2
SPEAKER_02
So like she s on midnights and I have a regular nine to five.
2
SPEAKER_02
So she s always like
2
SPEAKER_02
up when I m not up and I m always asleep when she s up and yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh is she like a nurse or something?
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah she s going to PA school so she s got to get those patient care hours in at the hospital.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah but yeah super encouraging and like she was the friend that also lost someone else very close to her too so like it s super weird it s like you know she lost her best friend and then like I mean not to say that like we weren t all best friends but like I
2
SPEAKER_02
Avery, I had known her like quite a long time and stuff like since high school and just like to have her kind of like help me through that, you know, because I couldn t imagine like what she was feeling like back then when like I was with her at the funeral and stuff because I wasn t as close with that person.
2
SPEAKER_02
So I was just like, I could never imagine what she feels like right now.
2
SPEAKER_02
And then I literally had to go through it.
2
SPEAKER_02
I m like, damn, you know, some things maybe really do happen for a reason, you know.
2
SPEAKER_00
Mm hmm.
2
SPEAKER_00
Hmm.
2
SPEAKER_00
Um, what are you excited about for the future?
2
SPEAKER_02
Um, I m definitely excited about the business.
2
SPEAKER_02
I m going to start in honor of her because it s a business.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_02
So I think I m just going to do some digital marketing, like what I do as a career now for a brand, I m just going to do more agency type of work and try to work for some cool brands.
2
SPEAKER_02
Cause it was funny when we were,
2
SPEAKER_02
When Avery and I were juniors, we were actually going to intern at this for a marketing company or a tequila company.
2
SPEAKER_02
We were going to be in the marketing department together, but then she ended up needing to stay home that summer because she had just been abroad.
2
SPEAKER_02
Her dad didn t want her to live in Chicago and blah, blah, blah.
2
SPEAKER_02
I was just like, she was a super creative person and she was into digital and social media.
3
SPEAKER_00
So we re very similar in that way.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I just thought it d be fitting to have a company, you know, name after her and then always have something with her around, you know.
3
SPEAKER_01
Are you going to name your, uh, your, your agency after her?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
Very nice.
3
SPEAKER_01
Very nice.
3
SPEAKER_01
Um, no, go ahead.
3
SPEAKER_00
Um, and then I m gonna try to, um, incorporate some philanthropy into it as well with just,
3
SPEAKER_00
trying to give back to anyone with mental health and the opioid addiction and the crisis going on in this country right now.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s just really personal with all of that.
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean, truly, if all these drugs weren t as accessible and weren t as, you know, accepted in our culture and all that, like, I just
3
SPEAKER_00
I feel like this wouldn t have happened to her.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, I mean, I just, I ve never heard of someone just like killing someone with fentanyl until this like happened.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then I just realized like, wow, this like actually happens to people every day.
3
SPEAKER_00
And it s really sad that like the number one leading killer of people 18 to 30 is fentanyl.
3
SPEAKER_01
Really?
3
SPEAKER_01
That s the number one?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s like, I m pretty sure it s like car wrecks and fentanyl is like in the top five now.
3
SPEAKER_00
The number one or two.
3
SPEAKER_01
I thought it was suicide.
3
SPEAKER_00
Maybe, maybe that is too.
3
SPEAKER_00
Honestly, I m not sure, but I, I saw, I know I saw, no, I saw, what did he say?
3
SPEAKER_00
He said, can t forget that big one.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
I was about to be like, this is a, this is a fun little conversation.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, no, I don t know what it is, but I, I swore.
3
SPEAKER_00
I thought I saw a statistic that top three, top three fentanyl for sure.
3
SPEAKER_00
Top three.
3
SPEAKER_01
Top three sounds, uh, sounds accurate.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it s just, it s just really sad.
3
SPEAKER_00
And it s, it s also crazy cause like the guy, me and my best friend, like we would stalk the guy that did this and like his family and just like see the things that they would post.
3
SPEAKER_00
And like leading up to what he did to my friend, he would like post about like drugging and raping and like taking money from white women and stuff and like
3
SPEAKER_00
how white women were so gullible and like all the and i was just like that s so disgusting and then you go to his mom s facebook profile and she literally would say my my sons are addicted to fentanyl but they couldn t put they couldn t put one and you know two and two together to pin the fentanyl on him i was about to say like was that were those facebook posts not were they like brought into the trial
3
SPEAKER_00
The trial was at that point had nothing to do with the fentanyl, basically.
3
SPEAKER_00
The trials was all to do with like the rape and whether or not alcohol contributed to her death.
3
SPEAKER_01
So there was no like if a guy just goes on Facebook and admits to that, there was no like, that didn t like trigger anything?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, they want to do it as they don t want to do more than they have to do.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
They were like the murder isn t going to get in the murder for like basically selling someone or giving someone a drug and it kills them in Indiana is like five to seven years in prison.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, okay.
3
SPEAKER_01
So that s like, that s a technicality in Indiana.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
That like rape, getting him on like the rape and,
3
SPEAKER_00
the distribution of alcohol to a minor.
3
SPEAKER_00
And he also, while he was in jail, he also used a different inmates pen and tried coercing the person that he called at 5 a.m.
3
SPEAKER_00
when Avery was quote unquote, still alive, alive for him on the stand.
3
SPEAKER_00
And they had recordings and transcripts of it all.
3
SPEAKER_00
And we got to listen to it all in court.
3
SPEAKER_00
So he also got charged for that.
3
SPEAKER_01
Jeez.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, what are you?
3
SPEAKER_01
What s his mom post?
3
SPEAKER_01
Do you still look at like his family s Facebook posts?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, sometimes you haven t really looked recently.
3
SPEAKER_00
I should honestly look.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it s probably I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m not a it s it s it s probably for the best to not look at it.
3
SPEAKER_00
But I think no, right.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s like it honestly, it s like with all this.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s like as much as I love her.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s like
3
SPEAKER_00
this is how it was for like a whole year when we didn t know anything about what happened.
3
SPEAKER_00
It was like we were constant looking and like searching.
3
SPEAKER_00
And so then it s like after the trials and stuff, it was just really good to like be able to just kind of have some peace with all of it and like not really care because I knew he was going to probably be back there for life.
3
SPEAKER_00
Plus, when he got arrested and his prints went in the system, it actually came up
3
SPEAKER_00
in match another girl s rape kit from a year before.
3
SPEAKER_00
Jesus.
3
SPEAKER_00
And so now he s getting tried for that one too.
3
SPEAKER_00
So now he might be, and it s the same judge.
3
SPEAKER_00
So she s definitely gonna like back to back the sentences and then like, he ll probably be in there for life.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s fucking crazy.
3
SPEAKER_00
Right?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
It just, it makes me sick.
3
SPEAKER_00
It makes me so sick that,
3
SPEAKER_00
And one time, I was actually recently, I don t want to say this girl s name but shout out to my one friend that lives in Hyde Park.
3
SPEAKER_00
She told me that if it gives me any closure, this happening to Avery might have been for that girl to have
3
SPEAKER_00
her closure with it.
3
SPEAKER_00
Cause that they would have never found him and they would have, she probably never would have got justice at this.
3
SPEAKER_00
And like Avery had to be the reason for all this to stop.
3
SPEAKER_00
Cause who knows how many girls there were before and in the future.
3
SPEAKER_00
Right.
3
SPEAKER_01
And this guy, he just like openly admitted to it on Facebook.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
No, no.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
He tiptoed around it.
3
SPEAKER_00
He was just like, I didn t get like,
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t even know.
3
SPEAKER_00
The way he responded to it all just, like, made him look so guilty, like... Yeah, he was like, I didn t do shit, like, I never even knew this bitch, like, you know what I m saying?
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, had this attitude that, like, he didn t know what happened to her.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I m like, she was alone and without any phone wallet.
3
SPEAKER_00
If she didn t have any of that, how the fuck would she have fentanyl?
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, you clearly supplied her with it.
3
SPEAKER_00
Where did it come from?
3
SPEAKER_00
What did you do to her?
3
SPEAKER_00
You know, it s like, I want to know if he like, did that to her and then raped her and like, you know, like, I just like, I just want to know.
3
SPEAKER_00
I just want to know.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, I ll never know.
3
SPEAKER_00
But I mean, I just pray that she was in a... Honestly, I pray that she was like, out of it when all that was happening, you know, for the best of her.
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, um, Amy, wait, Amy was the name I gave you.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, we got so deep.
3
SPEAKER_00
You know what?
3
SPEAKER_01
You know what?
3
SPEAKER_01
After all this, if you want to pick a different name, you can pick a different name.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t even have a better one.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t even have a better one, but
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I mean, all this definitely some crazy shit, but... Well, I m glad I m look look man.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m glad that you re do you seem like you re doing better You re about to go and do this this marketing Agency, are you gonna name after her?
3
SPEAKER_01
I think I think I m glad I m I m my verdict is I m glad you re you re not swarming Facebook with I
3
SPEAKER_01
you looking at at your friends, looking at this guy s family, you know, it s not like you re I like that you re doing things that are sort of forward moving.
3
SPEAKER_01
You know, I think that s good.
3
SPEAKER_00
I think I think it s important to do that.
3
SPEAKER_00
And to anybody even just struggling with grief to I mean, the thing that gives you comfort to is that they wouldn t like if
3
SPEAKER_00
If Avery had my life right now, she would want me to live that shit to the fullest.
3
SPEAKER_00
Absolutely.
3
SPEAKER_00
You know, she was full of life, literally so full of life.
3
SPEAKER_00
And so if I didn t, the days that I don t feel like getting out of bed and like doing anything and being sad, it s just, I m like, she would not want this for me at all.
3
SPEAKER_01
Um, well, Amy, is there anything else that you or, or, or your boyfriend wants
4
SPEAKER_01
to talk about or say to the people of the computer before we go?
4
SPEAKER_00
No, I m good.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, to everyone out there, hug your friends.
4
SPEAKER_00
Extra close.
4
SPEAKER_00
Every day.
4
SPEAKER_01
Take care, Amy.
4
SPEAKER_01
Thank you for calling, and thank you for sharing your story.
4
SPEAKER_01
How did it feel to talk about it?
4
SPEAKER_01
Did it feel good to talk about it at least?
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh, my gosh.
4
SPEAKER_00
It actually really did.
4
SPEAKER_00
It really did.
4
SPEAKER_00
OK, good.
4
SPEAKER_00
Good.
4
SPEAKER_00
Thank you so much, Gag.
4
SPEAKER_00
Love you, Gag.
4
SPEAKER_00
Of course.
4
SPEAKER_01
Of course.
4
SPEAKER_01
Have a good night, guys.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, we gotta hear what this guy s story is, but that s for another time.
4
SPEAKER_00
I got stuff.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh, I m sure he s got stuff.
4
SPEAKER_01
Alright, you guys take care.
4
SPEAKER_01
Hello?
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t know what you just said, but what s your name?
4
SPEAKER_01
What s up, Ryan?
4
SPEAKER_01
How can I gack you today?
4
SPEAKER_00
Uh, you could, uh, you could get me, get me in the mouth.
4
SPEAKER_00
Feeling a little hungry, and I just want to talk about food.
4
SPEAKER_00
Food for a little bit.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh, man.
4
SPEAKER_01
Alright.
4
SPEAKER_01
I respect the boldness that you just put on display.
4
SPEAKER_00
Uh, what s your, uh, what s your favorite food?
4
SPEAKER_01
What s my favorite food?
4
SPEAKER_01
Um, oh, man.
4
SPEAKER_01
You want to talk about food?
4
SPEAKER_01
You want to talk about food, Ryan?
4
SPEAKER_01
Ryan, is that what you said your name was?
4
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_01
You want to talk about food?
4
SPEAKER_01
Let s fucking talk about food.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay, here s my thing, Ryan.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m God, I m trying to lose weight because I m going to tell you guys I m going to just rant for a second if you don t mind you got me going a little crazy.
4
SPEAKER_01
I am.
4
SPEAKER_01
So in, I think, so I started doing Therapy Gecko in June of 2020.
4
SPEAKER_01
And in the four years that I ve done this podcast, I think I gained
4
SPEAKER_01
40 or 50 pounds or something like that 40 50 pounds because I Just well a couple things happened one thing that happened was you know once the podcast started to like Be a little bit more successful.
4
SPEAKER_01
I think I thought to myself like oh, okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m just gonna You know put all of my stock
4
SPEAKER_01
Into this podcast and then who gives a shit what my body looks or feels like because I have a successful podcast, you know But also I just like what I would do it was for
4
SPEAKER_01
Years Ryan it was four years of okay sit in this chair three times a week and Talk to people on the phone for two hours, and then how does one?
4
SPEAKER_01
How do you think one decompresses?
4
SPEAKER_01
after talking to strangers about stuff for two hours, but eating by stress eating by no no by first and
4
SPEAKER_01
getting extremely high and then eating an extra genuinely maybe 4 000 calories every single night i mean it was it was crazy and then at the beginning of this year i was like all right i gotta stop this is not cool
4
SPEAKER_01
So now Ryan I have a little I have a folder on my notes app I have one for food and one for fitness and the fitness one I track my my lifts and then the food one I m trying to eat at a caloric deficit I put my I put my shit into that calculator.
4
SPEAKER_01
You know that calculator that tells you how many calories to How many you gotta burn and how much you gotta eat and how long you gotta run?
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah, so I got my caloric deficit.
4
SPEAKER_01
I ve limited myself to 2,000 calories a day, which is, you know what, is actually a pretty sizable amount of calories, I think.
4
SPEAKER_00
I think that s like the daily value that it s like for a normal human male.
4
SPEAKER_01
I think I ve actually done it like most of the days in the last two months maybe but I mean there s been a lot of times I m going on benders and still but I law I here s what happens now I log my benders so like I no matter whether I log everything now I log everything now and I m like oh my god I was eating
4
SPEAKER_01
Like I lo- I had this day recently I was just feeling pretty miserable and I was like the only- I just need some dopamine in my life.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I um... It started with a- It started, as it always does, with um...
4
SPEAKER_01
I m just I m just gonna say this.
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t care if they want to sponsor this podcast one day.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m not I I cannot in good faith Promote this company cuz that okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
My least favorite brand of all time is Starbucks For multiple is I hate Starbucks.
4
SPEAKER_01
I love Duncan if Duncan ever wants to I
4
SPEAKER_01
be a sponsor of the Therapy Gecko podcast, I got them.
4
SPEAKER_01
But I hate Starbucks, I hate them because I think their coffee tastes shitty, and I think it s the most pretentious brand of all time.
4
SPEAKER_01
They sell a cake pop, they sell a unicorn cake pop, they sell a variety of different cake pops, and it s literally, it s one single bite of cake, Ryan.
4
SPEAKER_01
And guess how much one single bite of cake costs?
4
SPEAKER_01
your soul your corporate soul sold to starbucks i m pretty sure it costs i m pretty sure it costs
4
SPEAKER_01
Like $4 for this one bite of cake.
4
SPEAKER_01
I hate these cake pops.
4
SPEAKER_01
I eat them all the time.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m addicted to them.
4
SPEAKER_01
They re delicious So I had a cake pop which was the start of the beginning of the end And then I just snackin Ryan I went to the bodega.
4
SPEAKER_01
I got my favorite fucking neon
4
SPEAKER_01
sour gummy fucking neon were the bright Sour worms.
4
SPEAKER_01
I love those.
4
SPEAKER_01
I got a cookie from Starbucks.
4
SPEAKER_01
I got Pringles and with all this shit.
4
SPEAKER_01
I logged it all and it was like the fucking 5,000 6,000 is crazy.
4
SPEAKER_01
This is crazy.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, oh shit I ve been like in 2023 in 2022.
4
SPEAKER_01
I ate like that every fucking day
4
SPEAKER_01
day dude it was insane it was insane wow um so anyway so now i m i i have a secret i m gonna give some free pro i want to give free promo right now okay so i give i gave free anti-promo to starbucks i m gonna give uh here s my here s my secrets now um one is factor you know i thought factor sponsors the podcast factors been sick um another one chipotle
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay, I m eating Chipotle every single day because I can actually track the fucking, uh, macros on there.
4
SPEAKER_01
So I m just eating, uh, that I like- I mean- I literally am eating Chipotle right now.
4
SPEAKER_01
Chipotle rocks.
4
SPEAKER_01
Chipotle rocks.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
So every- I m eating Quest bars, I m eating muscle milks, um, but- but here s the thing, Ryan, um, is I m counting calories and it s like,
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t know if it s worth it man.
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t know if it s worth it because sometimes I m just like I m just sitting in my fucking Bed or I m walking down the street and I just don t feel good.
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SPEAKER_01
I just feel sad and depressed and I m just like God nothing would make me fucking happier in the universe right now than to eat a giant chicken parmesan sub and french fries and mozzarella sticks and
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SPEAKER_01
fucking king-sized Reese s Cup fast break.
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SPEAKER_01
It s just my brain, it s like there s nothing that would make me feel better in this universe than to do that right fucking now.
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SPEAKER_01
And then I wake, but every time I do that I wake up in the morning and I m like...
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SPEAKER_01
fuck I just I ruined all my progress I gained back the one pound you can literally you can eat a pound if you can eat three thirty five hundred calories like if you lose a pound a week and we just decide to go on a crazy bender you could get a gain a whole fucking pound back just erases
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SPEAKER_01
your progress it s so fucked up I don t know when it s gonna end and I m just I m going crazy out here cuz cuz I don t know whether to to give in and just be like alright fuck it I m just gonna be a fat guy it s fine I m sure I can find somebody who loves me like this I will figure it out or to be like you know what no we re gonna lift we re gonna do this we re gonna get back in shape we re gonna be
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SPEAKER_01
But what s the point what s the point of any of this shit?
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SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
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SPEAKER_01
I m feeling too existential, you know If you haven t noticed If you haven t noticed I m actually asking you to be the therapy gecko for this call.
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SPEAKER_00
Oh Yeah, for sure.
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SPEAKER_00
I mean, I ve definitely gone through like the ringer when it comes to food because growing up I didn t have a lot of food so it s like And then I got
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SPEAKER_01
job in college working in a restaurant and that turned into like a like a survival thing like yeah so I got I got diagnosed with the the stomach issue and diabetes also which was major because and I track I track all my shit too and sometimes I m staring up the ceiling at night like do these numbers really matter and they do yeah and especially me because I m diabetic
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SPEAKER_01
And literally, I see a wrong number, and I m like, oh shit, I have to eat.
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SPEAKER_01
But I can t have pizza.
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SPEAKER_01
I can t have donuts.
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SPEAKER_01
I have to have low-carb breads and bagels.
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SPEAKER_01
I never had a sweet tooth before, but now, donuts, ice cream, I have one, and I m good.
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SPEAKER_01
I m set.
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SPEAKER_01
And then there are some days where I just, I ll binge eat an entire bag of Fritos, just because I can.
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SPEAKER_01
not be able to eat for the next three days.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
Oh, God, it it s so brutal, Ryan.
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SPEAKER_00
It s so brutal.
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SPEAKER_01
Well, that will like just looking at that number and and realizing how much like food is central to like, culture and like,
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SPEAKER_01
society and like economics and even just like your mental state too and yeah what comes from behind like eating with intention or when you cook for someone and make them a nice meal and or you know like you said you re you re you re eating a chicken parm that s that s life right there man that s like that s pure bliss
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SPEAKER_00
What I think it is it is it is I ve thought about that man.
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SPEAKER_00
I m like, I really I really was thinking like It s like it s kind of the simple things in life.
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SPEAKER_01
I m noticing are the best ones like Yeah, it is it s very destructive eat like having to be more intuitive to what I m eating I m like, okay like
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SPEAKER_01
It s like, I really have to start thinking about it now, you know, I can t eat ultra processed foods anymore even though I want to.
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SPEAKER_01
Or like you said, the cake pops are like, what, two bites and they re selling them for like five dollars?
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SPEAKER_01
Like, fuck the ETH, it s not, man.
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SPEAKER_01
Like, it s food.
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SPEAKER_01
It s fucking food.
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SPEAKER_00
You know, what was I going to say?
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SPEAKER_00
Here s what I m doing now.
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SPEAKER_00
I m trying to count and get under 2,000, but it doesn t always happen every day.
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SPEAKER_00
And here s where I m at.
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SPEAKER_00
I m just trying to be reasonable now.
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SPEAKER_00
because i was eating unreasonable i m like let s just be reasonable you know i m saying like like if you go out to dinner and you get a big fucking burrito and you eat it that s cool or like if you got if you just get a chicken parmesan sub and you eat it like whatever that s fine but like i was doing unreasonable shit like
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SPEAKER_00
like eating like eating candy every day is not reasonable eating a chicken parmesan sub and then going to the bodega and getting a big bag of fritos and getting a thing of doritos like you know like you know when you re being unreasonable versus just like eating a meal and i ve thought to myself like oh i can actually
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SPEAKER_00
I can actually live my life in a way where I can eat pizza and a donut and ice cream and whatever but just you know don t don t be a dick about it don t be a fucking asshole don t eat
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SPEAKER_00
you know for doughnuts don t eat candy every day don t eat pizza every day don t don t be a fucking asshole but you can still live a life where you have it and I don t know I ve been pretty good this year but it s only been two months but I m I am worried
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SPEAKER_00
Especially like if I go to a I ve been thinking about I think I m gonna take a trip soon.
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SPEAKER_00
I ve been doing a lot of Touring and I want to do I haven t been International for the sole purpose of just like hanging out as a gecko and filming stuff So I m thinking about a few places and I m like fuck man if I end up going to like Thailand or whatever I m gonna I m gonna fucking
5
SPEAKER_00
I might get back into it, cause I m gonna go to 7-Eleven.
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SPEAKER_00
Anytime I go international, I am literally, I went to Hawaii to do a show and my hostel had a 7-Eleven in the, literally next door.
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SPEAKER_00
And I didn t eat there every day.
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SPEAKER_00
I ate there every two hours.
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SPEAKER_00
I mean, it was crazy.
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SPEAKER_00
If I go, when I go to Europe, I m eating at the McDonald s.
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SPEAKER_00
I mean, it s like, I don t, I m not gonna be, I don t, I just, I don t want to revert back.
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SPEAKER_00
to how i was when it was gaining you know when i gained fucking 40 pounds but it s like i don t know i kind of had a lot of fun doing that i kind of had a lot of fun i kind of had a lot of fun eating a shit ton of food but i ve also i i m i m looking at it with rose-colored glasses because i also had a lot of uh
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SPEAKER_00
shit misery of like, oh man, I m an adult.
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SPEAKER_00
I, this is not sustainable way to be as a human being at all.
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SPEAKER_00
And I m also, um, I started, I feel like kind of unattractive and, uh, fat and gross.
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SPEAKER_00
And I m trying to, you know, be not that, you know, so.
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SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
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SPEAKER_00
I, I, I have a, I have marginal amounts of faith in myself, which is good.
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SPEAKER_00
That s all you need.
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SPEAKER_01
I think about looking back at, at the times where I was working in the restaurant and how destructive it was at those times.
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SPEAKER_01
And I looked back to it with rose colored glasses and think like, wow, you know, like having that intense amount of like dopamine, like just
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SPEAKER_01
like just based on food.
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SPEAKER_01
It s a scary, scary type of to walk because I ve seen a lot of friends go down really terrible drug routes with that too.
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SPEAKER_01
And because they were in the kitchen industry and luckily I stayed away from all that and it scared the shit out of me.
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SPEAKER_01
But I look back when I used to go out and I would, you know, eat a bunch of pizza, go home, get stones.
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SPEAKER_01
and drink till four o clock in the morning.
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SPEAKER_01
And I m like, yeah, that was fun.
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SPEAKER_01
I d love to do it every day, but also my body is failing me now.
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SPEAKER_01
So that s that.
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SPEAKER_01
And I think it s, it definitely was like a blessing in disguise because it was like, shit, like you really have to, you know, you have to take care of yourself.
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SPEAKER_01
And before then I wasn t really like in tune with my body.
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SPEAKER_01
And now I m super aware of like, it s like, like a weird, like,
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SPEAKER_01
Eggman Tower, like awakened where I could feel people s vibes or like through their food, if that makes sense.
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SPEAKER_01
Like I could tell if you put love in your food or not.
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SPEAKER_01
Starbucks, no love.
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SPEAKER_01
Fritos, no love.
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SPEAKER_01
But when I eat them, I still get joy, but there s no love in it.
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SPEAKER_01
And I think that s what I was looking for too.
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SPEAKER_00
You know what else I hate about Starbucks is, um, I hate how popular it is.
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SPEAKER_00
Why is everyone- everyone loves fucking Starbucks?
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SPEAKER_00
I go to the airport at 6 a.m.
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SPEAKER_00
You know what s- it s fu- I was at a fucking airport the other day.
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SPEAKER_00
And I m walking past all these places that have coffee.
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SPEAKER_00
There s like a fucking kiosk that sells coffee.
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SPEAKER_00
There s like two people in the line.
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SPEAKER_00
There s McDonald s coffee.
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SPEAKER_00
McDonald s is a little crowded, but there s this like nameless coffee shop here and a nameless coffee shop there.
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SPEAKER_00
I walk past, I see the Starbucks.
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SPEAKER_00
The Starbucks has like a literally like a half hour long line.
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SPEAKER_00
And I m like, what are all you people fucking doing?
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SPEAKER_00
Go to the other places.
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SPEAKER_00
What s so, I don t get, I don t understand what s so great about Starbucks.
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SPEAKER_00
It s better than the other places.
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SPEAKER_00
It doesn t make any sense.
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SPEAKER_00
It doesn t make any sense to me.
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SPEAKER_01
What s my favorite thing at the airport is to watch the people at the Starbucks because they re, like you said, there s always a line in a mile and a half.
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SPEAKER_01
And then literally down the road, like the hallway or whatever it s called, there s like a local coffee shop and it s like empty.
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SPEAKER_01
And I m from the airport that I m flying out of.
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SPEAKER_01
And I m just looking at them like, oh, they look so sad over there.
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SPEAKER_01
And I bet you their coffee is probably better.
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SPEAKER_01
Like I love to go to little cafes everywhere, but it s like, why would you wait in a line?
5
SPEAKER_01
that long for some like half-assed coffee when you could literally just walk up to here like get something pretty simple.
5
SPEAKER_00
I got a hot take for you.
5
SPEAKER_00
I got a hot take for you.
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SPEAKER_00
To me, all coffee tastes the fucking same.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like coffee
6
SPEAKER_01
like a coffee you know when you go you know and they re like oh this coffee is is the beans are from machu picchu and blah blah blah and then like a fucking uh gas station coffee all the same to me who gives a shit at all exactly the same it s a lot of people talking out their ass like they know and and then but then there are some there you re like okay this is like this is pretty different like i had a coffee with like a mushroom apricot
6
SPEAKER_02
like syrup in it, so they like fermented their own syrup and they add it to coffee and it s like, why would you put apricots and like mushrooms in a coffee?
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SPEAKER_02
But like, you could actually taste it, but it was weird, man, but I liked it, pretty good.
6
SPEAKER_01
That s another thing, I m just using this as my therapy session, if that s okay with you.
6
SPEAKER_01
Oh, that s okay.
6
SPEAKER_01
No, you sounded pretty disappointed, actually.
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SPEAKER_02
No, no, dude, like, I think that, you know, having a conversation about these sorts of things instead of like,
6
SPEAKER_01
Someone just like talking at you like I feel like we re talking like together, you know, like a natural conversation Yeah, I was gonna say it s um, I tore I think I did like 55 different fucking cities Last year, which was like I I took it at least I took at least more than like one flight a week like I was on a plane multiple times a week and I
6
SPEAKER_01
the airport there s nothing to do but just there s this thing at the fucking airport where it s like okay I m about to be trapped in the sky for like six hours let me stuff my bag with food because I don t know what I m gonna get and also oh my god it s the weed dude that s what I realized was it was like a big crux of all my eating thing was the weed because I would- can I ask you something?
6
SPEAKER_02
yeah sure about airports yeah
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SPEAKER_02
I love stealing things at airports.
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SPEAKER_02
Because they re so ridiculously overpriced.
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SPEAKER_02
Like $7 for a bag of Chetniks.
6
SPEAKER_02
Nah, I m good.
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah, go ahead.
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SPEAKER_01
I think I would put airports on a... I mean, yeah.
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SPEAKER_02
Oh shit, I forgot my headphones.
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SPEAKER_01
But like, I had a thing where if I didn t have a show that night, I would get crazy stoned any time I would get on the flight.
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SPEAKER_01
So I d just be stoned in the airport going fucking crazy with the fast breaks and the McDonald s.
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SPEAKER_01
It was just crazy, man.
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SPEAKER_01
And yeah, it s all overpriced.
6
SPEAKER_01
Dude, you ever try to buy beef jerky at the airport?
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SPEAKER_02
Ooh, no.
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SPEAKER_02
That s like, what, 12 bucks?
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SPEAKER_01
was $12 you think beef jerky at the airport is $12 buddy beef jerky at the airport is like $30 okay because i m getting like chips and and getting loaded on the plane like
6
SPEAKER_02
Bloody Mary s.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
No, getting drunk on the plane is fine.
6
SPEAKER_01
I m not a big, um, I ve kind of, I, I, I m not a big, um, I ve decided recently, this is another like kind of calorie county thing is that, um, uh, this is another kind of calorie county thing is like all, um,
6
SPEAKER_01
I m not I m not drinking as much and I m like if I m gonna get drunk I want it to be like for an occasion like if I m just like out at a bar or whatever I m not gonna probably Get drunk, but if it s like a good if there s a good reason to I ll get drunk
6
SPEAKER_01
but not so much anymore.
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SPEAKER_01
I like getting high at the airport because there s all these little things at the airport.
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SPEAKER_01
Next time, if you re listening to this, next time you re at an airport, look at some of the little shit that they have going on.
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SPEAKER_01
There s art galleries at some airports.
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SPEAKER_01
They just are like, here s a local Kentucky artist and he does these portraits of steel workers
6
SPEAKER_01
You know, like that kind of shit is in, you know what I m talking about, right?
6
SPEAKER_01
Like that kind of shit is all over the airport.
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SPEAKER_01
Nobody ever gives a shit or looks at it because they re on their way to, you know, catch a flight.
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SPEAKER_01
But like, I like going to the, there s like art galleries at every airport, not every airport, but they always have like little installations or.
6
SPEAKER_01
Fountains or or shit like that.
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SPEAKER_01
So it s fun if you have some time, you know I would get high and I would I would look at all this stuff, but you don t even have here s the crazy thing You don t even have to get high to look at that stuff.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s it s uh, it s just right there for you Yeah, in the Las Vegas Airport.
6
SPEAKER_02
They have a hallway that is because it s McCarran and he was a pilot so they have a whole like AV aviation section and right now like a thing like a giant giant
6
SPEAKER_02
Sculptures that you could climb all over and I know in the Portland Airport they have like a like a dog petting area For like, anxiety or whatever, but I m just like I m gonna pet these dogs before my flight, and I m really stoned right now.
6
SPEAKER_01
That s really nice.
6
SPEAKER_01
That s actually sounds pretty cool.
6
SPEAKER_01
That sounds pretty cool.
6
SPEAKER_02
And then there are like really shit, like not really shitty airports, but like Kind of like like it s just an airport like
6
SPEAKER_02
This whole, like, city one there, that one was kinda... Like, they had, like, a Krispy Kreme and, like, that s it, and a bunch of, like, Mormon stores.
6
SPEAKER_02
Like, like, like book, like... What do they call it?
6
SPEAKER_02
Like, the bookstores.
6
SPEAKER_02
I guess, I guess they d just be, like, religious bookstores or whatever, but... That was probably the... the worst airport that I was at.
6
SPEAKER_02
And it s not, not even bad, just... I ve been to better airports.
6
SPEAKER_01
Man, I really gotta say, I m like sitting here talking to you right now, and you mentioned Krispy Kreme, and I thought to myself, I don t think that there s anything that would make me happier right now than eating six Krispy Kreme donuts.
6
SPEAKER_02
Go dumpster dive Krispy Kremes, because they literally throw out everything at the end of the night, and they just, they re just boxes.
6
SPEAKER_02
Like, untouched.
6
SPEAKER_02
Great.
6
SPEAKER_01
Ryan, we gotta get out of here before one of us does something crazy.
6
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
6
SPEAKER_02
Well, it was a pleasure.
6
SPEAKER_02
Thank you.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, man.
6
SPEAKER_01
Good talking to you too.
6
SPEAKER_01
Is there anything else you want to say to the people at the computer before we go?
6
SPEAKER_02
Um, I would say to, uh, love your friends.
6
SPEAKER_02
Die laughing.
6
SPEAKER_02
And, uh, remember that food is fuel.
6
SPEAKER_02
Food is important.
6
SPEAKER_02
Food is also just sometimes you need it to take a shit.
6
SPEAKER_01
You do need it to take a shit.
6
SPEAKER_01
That s the one thing I will say about food.
6
SPEAKER_02
And some people can t take a shit.
6
SPEAKER_02
So be thankful.
6
SPEAKER_01
Grateful for... for your shits.
6
SPEAKER_01
I like that.
6
SPEAKER_01
Thanks for calling, Ryan.
6
SPEAKER_02
Thank you, Kyle.