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 Bring a little optimism into your life with The Bright Side, a new kind of daily podcast from Hello Sunshine, hosted by me, Danielle Robay.
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And me, Simone Boyce.
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Every weekday, we're bringing you conversations about culture, the latest trends, inspiration, and so much more.
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I am so excited about this podcast, The Bright Side.
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You guys are giving people a chance to shine a light on their lives, shine a light on a little advice that they want to share.
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 Listen to The Bright Side on America's number one podcast network, iHeart.
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Open your free iHeart app and search The Bright Side.
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 Guess what, Will?
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What's up, Mango?
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I've been trying to write a promo for our podcast, Part-Time Genius, but even though we've done over 250 episodes, we don't really talk about murders or cults.
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I mean, we did just cover the Illuminati of cheese, so I feel like that makes us pretty edgy.
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We also solve mysteries like how Chinese is your Chinese food and how do dollar stores make money?
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And then, of course, can you game a dog show?
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 So what you're saying is everyone should be listening.
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Listen to Part-Time Genius on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.
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This is the story of how a group of people brought music back to Afghanistan by creating their own version of American Idol.
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The joy they brought to the nation.
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You're free completely.
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No one is there to destroy you.
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The danger they endured.
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They said my head should be cut off.
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 I'm John Legend.
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Listen to Afghan Star on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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 Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world.
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I love our community.
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I am looking through your reviews of On Purpose right now.
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And I just want to say, I am feeling so grateful.
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I've got a big smile on my face.
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I know you can't see me, but I promise you I have.
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And I have to do this.
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I just have to do this.
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I want to read out some of your reviews.
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 So this one is from M Member.
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Jay's content is fire.
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He dives super deep into various topics and often goes way beyond the surface level.
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So listen carefully because there are hidden nuggets in several of his messages.
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Thank you so, so much.
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This message is from
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 from Oitswe.
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Each week, Jay puts out amazing content to listen to.
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Even if it doesn't apply to me, I still enjoy listening and learning new things every week.
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Some weeks, it even seems like he reads my mind on what's troubling me and has a podcast for it.
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Love the podcast, love the content.
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I hope to be able to continue to listen for years to come.
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Thank you so much, Jay.
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SPEAKER_01
No, thank you for listening.
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SPEAKER_01
And I want to read one more.
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SPEAKER_01
 And this one is from Sophie Chika.
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I found Jay's podcast at a time I needed to change up my life or otherwise stay in the unhealthy state I was in.
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His wisdom and abundance of episodes on different topics all resonated and helped me get out of my funk.
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Now it will help me continue to grow and get the most out of life.
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 I really can't praise this guy and his podcast enough.
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I just want to say a huge thank you to each and every single one of you that have left reviews.
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We have over 15,000 reviews and each of you make my day when I get to swipe through and see more reviews.
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So keep those coming.
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SPEAKER_01
 And today's topic is a popular topic.
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It's a topic you all care about.
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You ask a lot about.
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I see it in the comments.
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I see it in the one that you listen to the most.
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It's all around confidence.
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We're all seeking confidence.
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We all lack confidence.
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We all have moments where we feel insecure.
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We have moments where we feel uncertain or unstable.
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 There are days, months, years that go by where we never feel like we know who we are or who we truly are.
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 And if you Google or look around for articles on confidence habits or what do confident people do, you'll get a list of very vague ideas of things like they listen more than they talk, which is true, but we've heard that before.
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Or you may read something like they know how to communicate or articulate themselves effectively.
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 And these are all true.
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These are not wrong.
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But today I wanted to go deeper.
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I wanted to go further.
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I wanted to share with you what's hidden beneath those habits and practices and how do you actually get there.
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So today I'm going to be sharing the seven habits of highly confident people.
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 And I'm a big fan of the book, Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey.
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And I think those habits are brilliant and fantastic.
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Today, we're focusing on confidence more than effectiveness or productivity.
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This is all about self-confidence.
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It's all about you.
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And this one that we're going to start with is actually quite challenging.
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Challenging is the right word.
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It's pushy.
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It's making you confront some real stuff
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 And I wanted to start there because sometimes people say start with the easiest first.
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Sometimes I feel like you've got to start with the deepest, biggest truth.
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And then when you break through that, you feel, okay, I can get through to the next one.
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Now, this is not the easiest one or the hardest one, but it is the one I wanted to start with.
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 And I had this understanding a few years ago because I started to see it play out in my own life.
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So one of the habits of confident people is that they have worked through their past.
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They have done the work to work through their past.
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 They don't just push it under the carpet, under the rug.
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They don't try and avoid it or dodge it.
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They have processed their past.
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They have worked through their past.
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That includes their parenting, the experiences they had.
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 They have navigated those difficult times and seen how they've been affected by those moments of the past and how that affects them today.
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So let me give you an example of what I mean by that.
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 All of us experience things when we're young.
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And those experiences create impressions, or the Sanskrit word for that is samskaras.
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And these impressions almost leave marks on our consciousness.
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 It's almost like a wound from the past, but the difference is the wounds still cause you pain, right?
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A physical wound may not cause you pain, or a physical scar may not cause you pain anymore, but emotional wounds and scars continue to cause you pain every time there's pressure put on them, every time there's pain put on them, right?
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That's the difference between emotional scars and physical scars.
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 I have a scar on my head from an accident I had when I was younger.
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If I press it now, I feel no pain.
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If I touch it, I feel the texture, but there's no pain.
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But if I've gone through something in my past with my parents or my family, that can be easily triggered.
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 So what we have to do to become confident in this phase is try to understand what in our past has had a healthy impact on us and what has had an unhealthy impact on us.
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And you may be sitting there thinking, Jay, how does this affect my confidence?
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Like, what's this got to do with my confidence?
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Well, you can only feel truly confident when you've processed your past, because if you haven't processed your past, you always feel weak.
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 I'll give you an example.
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How many of you remember the movie 8 Mile?
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In 8 Mile, Eminem has to list out all of his failures of his past.
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He has to list out all of the moments that he failed, all the mistakes, all the things that didn't go his way.
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He has to process them and accept them.
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And when he does that, they become his strength.
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His weakness becomes his strength.
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It becomes his confidence.
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But before he did that, he was always trying to hide that.
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 He was always trying to cover that.
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How many of us spend lots of our life trying to hide and cover our past?
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Because we're insecure about it.
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We feel unconfident when we reflect on it.
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 And one of the ways to do this is thinking back to your parents and asking, what is a healthy habit that you learned from your parents?
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And what is a unhealthy habit you learned from your parents?
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And usually it's more subtle.
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So what is it that your parents did give you or didn't give you?
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So when I think about what my parents did give me, they gave me this unrelenting discipline.
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 They made sure that I was focused.
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They made sure I was prepared.
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They made sure I knew how to research and get ready for an exam or a test or a game.
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They made me develop that skill set.
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I want you to think about where that has become useful.
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 and where it might not have been useful.
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So what did your parents give you, consciously or unconsciously, intentionally or unintentionally, and where in your life has that become useful, and where is it actually unhealthy?
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 You may find that the mindset or mentality you adopted is unhealthy in your personal life, but it's healthy in your professional life.
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I know that if I was to take that disciplined, regimented approach to the people I love, that wouldn't work.
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But it works phenomenally for me in my career.
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So when I'm aware of that, I can be confident about it because I know how to use it.
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We're confident when we know how to use something.
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 When you don't know how to use a device, when you don't know how to use a app, how many of you feel unconfident when you don't know how to use something?
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Well, the same is true for your skills.
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The same is true for your habits.
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The same is true for your mindset.
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If you don't know how to use a mindset that your parents gave you, if it's not under your control, you're not going to feel confident.
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Now, the second thing I want you to reflect on is think about something your parents didn't give you, but now you look for in everyone else.
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 What did your parents not give you that you seek in everyone else?
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Is it validation?
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How many of you felt your parents put you down, they didn't validate you, they didn't make you feel good, and now you look for that, you search for that with everyone else?
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How many of you know that your parents didn't give you a sense of the ability to understand your feelings?
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 Understanding your emotions and how many of you now are looking for someone who will sit with you and understand your emotions, that will sit with you and experience that with you.
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Think about how you're trying to fill that void in your life.
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Now notice where is that healthy and where is that unhealthy.
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 You may find that your desire to make sure you're doing things right and doing things in a good way is useful in some areas, but where is it not useful?
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You may find that in romantic relationships, it's not useful at all because you're constantly seeking validation and attention from the other person.
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You may find that it's not useful in your friendships because you're too dependent on others.
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Where is what you didn't get?
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How has it impacted you?
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How has it resulted in your life?
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And where is it useful or not useful?
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 This helps us develop confidence because we know where the things come from.
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When something's in our life and we don't know where it's come from, we question it.
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We're confused by it.
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We worry about it.
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We feel anxious about it.
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But when you know
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 how you feel and you know where it comes from, that develops confidence.
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So that's how you develop confidence by connecting your past to your present, by knowing where things come from, why they exist, and knowing that you know how to use them in a useful way or ignore them or avoid them and purify them if they are not useful to you.
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The second habit
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 is developing a high-value skill.
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 This one is something that is so underestimated.
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People think confidence comes from how you dress, right?
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It comes from the fact that you work out.
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It comes from the fact that you think you look good.
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But we know that's not true.
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We know plenty of people that have amazing bodies, amazing minds, but don't feel confident, right?
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And when I say amazing body or mind, I mean whatever you define that to be, because that's my point.
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 Some people subjectively have the mind or body you want, but they don't feel happy.
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So what is it?
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It's a high value skill that they value.
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A high value skill can be anything.
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It could be marketing.
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It could be modeling.
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It could be acting.
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It could be singing.
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It could be public speaking.
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It could be web design.
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It could be photography.
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 When we have a high value skill, we learn to value ourselves and we don't let other people dictate our value.
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 When you have a high-value skill, you don't let someone else dictate your value.
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A high-value skill doesn't have to be just the thing that's trending right now.
0
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A high-value skill can be something that it's timelessly trending, like good communication, timelessly trending, right?
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These things have been prominent for decades and decades and decades.
0
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Writing is a high-value skill.
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It's been prominent, whether you do copywriting or whether you write books.
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 It's been a high-value skill.
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Art, design, high-value skill.
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Math, numbers, high-value skill.
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When you have a high-value skill,
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 You develop confidence.
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Why?
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Not because you have the skill.
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See, this is where people get confused.
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It's not that you have the skill, therefore you feel confident.
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It's the journey to getting the skill that makes you confident.
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You know that you've been in difficult scenarios.
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You know that you've had to learn under stress and pressure.
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You know that you've had to overcome obstacles to get to where you are.
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 And that's what makes you feel confident, because you've overcome challenges.
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You've overcome difficult scenarios to get that skill.
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So it's not the skill that makes you feel confident.
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It's the journey you took to get that skill.
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I remember I started public speaking training when I was 11 years old.
0
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From 11 to 18, I studied public speaking.
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 Then from 18 to 21, I practiced public speaking.
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Then as a monk, we were speaking consistently when we were giving talks on the scriptures or spiritual texts.
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I've been public speaking for easily the last 21 years.
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21 years.
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 I don't get a result.
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I don't get a, you know, I do have a certificate for public speaking, not being geeky at all, but I do, but you don't get a certificate.
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You don't get like a qualification to show people, but because you've practiced that much, I know what it feels like to have to give a talk last minute.
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I know what it feels like for a topic to change.
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I know what it feels like to have to find the words to express yourself effectively in a moment.
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That's what gives you a sense of confidence.
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 So ask yourself in your life, not what high-value skill you have.
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If you have one, that's great.
0
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But what high-value skill do you want to develop?
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And yes, it's going to take time.
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But that high-value skill is going to give you so much confidence.
0
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I know so many photographers that can walk into the room full of confidence because they know that they're going to get the best shot that night.
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 And they know that because they've had to do that before under pressure, under very different circumstances.
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The third way to become confident is constantly learn new skills.
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So the last one is about going deep in one place.
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This is about knowing a little about a lot.
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 So one way of developing confidence, which I highly recommend, is knowing a lot about a little.
0
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And this one is the opposite, where you want to learn a little about a lot.
0
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When you dabble in articles, one of my favorite places to go is Time Magazine or the New York Times.
0
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Just dabbling in an article or need to know, signing up for an email of highlights from your favorite magazines or online papers like TechCrunch, for example, just so you can dabble.
0
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 Having a little bit of insight allows you to engage in conversations that you otherwise might be shy to engage in.
0
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 Right now everyone's talking about NFTs and cryptocurrency.
0
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This is not about posing as an expert.
0
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This is about having enough knowledge to start a conversation and partake in a conversation.
0
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Confidence comes from the ability to engage in a conversation.
0
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Engaging means listening and speaking.
0
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And often a lot of us feel unconfident because we don't have that one line in to help us understand what someone's talking about.
0
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 And so we withdraw and we avoid that interaction, but avoiding it makes us less confident because now we didn't learn by listening.
0
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So engaging in a confidence allows you to have a little knowledge about a lot of things.
0
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Being able to understand a little bit about a lot of things allows you to engage in way more conversations, which increases your confidence.
0
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 So again, I don't know everything about anything, but I definitely don't know everything about a lot of things.
0
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There are a few areas where I consider myself to be an expert.
0
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There are a few areas that I have deep knowledge in, but there are a lot of areas that I may have read one book on, may have read a paragraph on, may have read an article on, and it allows me to dive in more conversations.
0
SPEAKER_01
Maybe you're someone who's sharing podcasts.
0
SPEAKER_01
Maybe you're someone who's been in a clubhouse room.
0
SPEAKER_01
 and you're sitting there going, oh my gosh, everyone's so smart, I don't know what they're talking about.
0
SPEAKER_01
I promise you, if you read one article, there's very few people who, apart from being an expert, deeply know about that subject, but you're stopping yourself from a wealth of knowledge by blocking yourself because you think your knowledge is limited.
0
SPEAKER_10
 When you find that bright spot to help you get through your day, it's powerful.
0
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That's where The Bright Side comes in.
0
SPEAKER_10
A new daily podcast from Hello Sunshine that's bringing you a daily dose of joy.
0
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I'm Danielle Robay.
0
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And I'm Simone Boyce.
0
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Listen, both Danielle and I are reporters.
0
SPEAKER_02
We've covered the news and we know the world can feel heavy, but The Bright Side podcast is a space to have a little fun, to learn something new and get into some friendly debates.
0
SPEAKER_10
 That's right.
0
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Join us five days a week to see how life can look from the bright side.
0
SPEAKER_02
We'll hear from celebrities, authors, experts and listeners like you, whether it's relationships, friend advice or figuring out how to navigate life's transitions.
0
SPEAKER_02
We'll talk through it all together.
0
SPEAKER_10
Listen to the bright side from Hello Sunshine every weekday on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
0
SPEAKER_04
 A new season of Bridgerton is here.
0
SPEAKER_04
And with it, a new season of Bridgerton, the official podcast.
0
SPEAKER_04
I'm your host, Gabrielle Collins.
0
SPEAKER_04
And this season, we are bringing fans even deeper into the ton.
0
SPEAKER_04
Colin Bridgerton has returned from his travels abroad.
0
SPEAKER_04
Is Betrothal written in the stars for the eligible bachelor?
0
SPEAKER_04
Meanwhile, the ton is reverberating with speculation of who holds Lady Whistledown's pen.
0
SPEAKER_04
We're discussing it all.
0
SPEAKER_04
 I sit down with Nicola Coughlin, Luke Newton, Shonda Rhimes, and more to offer an exclusive peek behind the scenes of each episode of the new season.
0
SPEAKER_04
Watch season three of the Shondaland series on Netflix.
0
SPEAKER_04
Then, fall in love all over again by listening to Bridgerton, the official podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
0
SPEAKER_04
Subscribe to catch a new episode every Thursday.
0
SPEAKER_05
 Hey everyone, this is Molly and Matt and we're the hosts of Grown Up Stuff How to Adult, a podcast from Ruby Studio and iHeart Podcasts.
0
SPEAKER_08
It's a show dedicated to helping you figure out the trickiest parts of adulting.
0
SPEAKER_05
Like how to start planning for retirement, creating a healthy skincare routine, understanding when and how much to tip someone, and so much more.
0
SPEAKER_08
 We're back with season two of the podcast, which means more opportunities to glow up and become a more responsible and better adult, one life lesson at a time.
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And let me just tell you, this show is just as much for us as it is for you.
0
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So let's figure this stuff out together.
0
SPEAKER_05
This season, we're going to talk about whether or not we're financially and emotionally ready for dog ownership.
0
SPEAKER_08
 We're going to figure out the benefits of a high-yield savings account.
0
SPEAKER_05
And what exactly are the duties of being a member of the wedding party?
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SPEAKER_08
All that plus so much more.
0
SPEAKER_05
Let's learn about all of it and then some.
0
SPEAKER_05
Listen to Grown Up Stuff How to Adult on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
0
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 The fourth habit to develop confidence is probably going to be kind of counterintuitive for a lot of you, but it's compassion.
0
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Compassion for yourself and compassion for others.
0
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 How does compassion make me confident, Jay?
0
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When you're compassionate on yourself, you give yourself a break for not knowing the answer to every question, for not getting it right every time, for being okay to figure it out.
0
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I get asked challenging questions by my clients all the time.
0
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And in the beginning, I'd always felt like I'm smart if I can answer the question quickly and immediately, and that will make them feel like I'm smart and confident.
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 And I started to realize what they really enjoyed was the discussion, the conversation that came out of it, hearing my train of thought.
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Confidence isn't just someone being perfect.
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That doesn't even exist.
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I'm nowhere near perfect.
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Confidence shows that you're OK with being wrong.
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You're OK with figuring it out.
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You're OK on taking a journey.
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And that's being compassionate with yourself and compassionate with others.
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When you're compassionate with others, they can see how confident you are in who you are.
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 Compassion breeds confidence.
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And this is the interesting thing that when you work hard for a higher purpose, when you work hard for the right reasons, you actually become more soft-hearted.
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People mostly, when they work hard, they become hard-hearted because they think, well, look how hard I work.
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How comes no one else is working as hard as me?
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Look how much effort I'm putting in.
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They don't even put in half the effort.
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But actually,
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 You start to realize when you actually work hard, you become soft-hearted because you realize how hard the work is.
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You realize how difficult the challenge is, and that's what makes you more confident because you realize no one's perfect.
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No one's getting it right all the time.
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No one's always on their A game, and that lets you be compassionate.
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So we need to build compassion for ourselves and others.
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 admitting that we're wrong, knowing we don't know the right answer, knowing that we don't have it right away, knowing that we're going to have to figure it out.
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That is compassion.
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Compassion for yourself and others.
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So when you're working hard, make sure you're becoming more soft-hearted, not hard-hearted.
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It's a really, really important skill to increase compassion for others.
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And compassion also builds confidence because
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 When you have compassion for others, you also realize the journey that they're on.
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And that gives you confidence because often you walk around thinking everyone else is perfect, everyone else has it figured out, and you're the only one who doesn't.
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But when you're compassionate, you start to recognize that, oh, that person's still trying to figure out too.
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They're not fully sure of what they're trying to do.
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I can allow myself
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 to not be perfect.
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So confidence is less the definition we've given it.
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We've made confidence seem like this unreachable, completely difficult place of perfection, when actually it's so much more about being honest about the journey, the process, and the story.
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That's what confidence is.
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 Now, confidence comes from not reacting, but responding slowly.
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Sometimes you'll see in a room, the person who's the quietest, the person who says the least, their opinion matters the most.
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They may not say a lot, but they're listening, and when they speak, everyone listens.
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Why?
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Because they don't waste words.
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 A lot of us waste words, and therefore we lose our confidence because we say things of less value.
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If you say things less but of more value, you can say more things but of less value, or you can say less things but of more value.
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The goal is to say less things of more value, or ideally more things of more value, but we can work towards that.
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And that comes from responding, not reacting.
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When we react in a haste,
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 In a rush, we say things we don't mean.
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We wish we could take them back.
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We don't feel confident.
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People don't feel confident in us now.
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They don't trust our word.
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But when we take a moment,
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 to respond at the pace of love or respond at the rhythm of love.
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What I mean by that is there's a pace you can respond at where you're coming from love.
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There's a rhythm with which you can respond where you're coming from love.
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How many of you know when your pace is pain?
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 How many of you know when your pace is pressure, you respond immediately, but it's full of pressure, it's full of pain.
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That doesn't make you feel confident.
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It makes you feel weak because you've acted out of haste.
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You've acted out of force almost.
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How can you feel confident if you've acted out of force?
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How can you feel powerful and strong if you've acted out of rush?
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 It's so important to respond slowly, not react, and respond at a pace of love.
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Ask yourself, what pace am I moving at?
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Right now, just check your heartbeat, check your pulse.
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What pace are you moving at?
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And say, I am moving at the pace of love.
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You're just taking a deep breath.
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Notice how your breath changes, your pulse changes.
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I am moving at the pace of love.
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 I'm responding at the rhythm of love.
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Doesn't everything feel different when you just slow down for a second and respond from that place?
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The sixth habit to develop and exude confidence
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 is knowing your own motivation.
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Self-awareness is confidence.
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When you don't know how you feel and why you feel that way, you feel unconfident.
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And I'm going to give you a model that exists in the Bhagavad Gita of the stages of motivation and intention.
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So there are four stages, ignorance, passion, goodness,
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 and pure goodness.
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That's in ascending order.
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So at the bottom of the pyramid is ignorance, higher than that is passion, higher than that is goodness, and at the top is pure goodness.
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In ignorance, your intention is fear or anxiety.
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You're working from a place of fear and anxiety.
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In the mode of passion, you're working from a place
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 of result or a goal or action.
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In the mode of goodness, you're working from a place of responsibility, accountability, and goodness, kindness.
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And in pure goodness, you're working from a place of love.
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Now, what you'll find is that someone who's not confident will either be in a place of fear or anxiety or think they're operating from love.
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These are both delusional.
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 They think they're in fear and anxiety, right?
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That actually can be real.
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But then people who think they're operating from a place of love when they're not.
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The truth is, if you're in a place of fear and anxiety, all you can do is upgrade your intention to passion, goal, and result.
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Start moving.
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So what I mean by that is, a confident person will say, OK, and I feel this all the time.
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 I'll say, okay, I'm feeling fear and anxiety right now.
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What action can I take to move into the mode of passion from ignorance?
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Let me not fake it and just try and be loving and give love and be loved.
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Let me not do that to myself because that's doing a disservice to myself.
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If I'm expecting myself to shift from anxiety to love, that's doing a disservice to myself.
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That's putting pressure on myself.
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But if I'm allowing myself to move from anxiety and fear to action, that's real.
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 Now, if I'm at action, let me move to peace or accountability.
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Instead of working for a result or a goal, let me work for a higher cause.
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Let me work out of responsibility and accountability.
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So a confident person knows where they're at, they admit and accept where they're at, and they're just trying to get to the next stage.
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A confident person, when they're climbing up a ladder, doesn't go, oh, I'm getting to the top, I'm getting to the top.
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They just make sure they place their next foot correctly, same as if you're on a climbing wall.
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 If you're on a climbing wall, a confident person is not just talking about the top.
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A confident person is just trying to place their next footstep correctly.
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That's what you're trying to do in your intentions and your motivations as well.
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You're not trying to falsely appear greater than you are to be confident.
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You're just trying to make sure you place your next word, that you place your next step, that you place your next move confidently.
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 And the seventh and final habit that I want to share with you today, wow, we went through those fast.
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How many of you have been taking notes, scribbling it down, feeling really empowered by this session?
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I hope you are because we've really uncovered some deep points here.
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This one is a confident person is always planning and adapting and visualizing.
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 So a confident person doesn't just turn up.
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A confident person prepares.
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A confident person plans.
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And a confident person visualizes.
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Before I go on any major stage, I recently, I'll give you an example.
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I recently got asked to officiate a really dear friend's wedding.
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And I am humbled and grateful and absolutely blown away by this opportunity.
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Honestly, I'm just so humbled by it all.
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And I was so touched by it.
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 But I immediately asked for a call so I could go over what energy they wanted, what emotion they wanted, what feeling they wanted, what words were important to them, what messaging was important to them.
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Now, you may say, well, a confident person would just show up.
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A confident person would know what to do.
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But when you're really trying to develop confidence, you plan, you prepare, because you're preparing your energy.
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You may not need to prepare the words.
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You may say, I don't need to prepare.
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I already know.
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I'm good at that.
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 you're preparing your energy, you're preparing your consciousness, and you're preparing your mindset.
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So those are the seven habits of highly confident people.
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I hope this episode resonated with you.
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I can't wait to see on Instagram what stood out to you, what you share, and which one you're going to practice.
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I know that inside of you is a confident, incredibly powerful individual, and I want you to tap into that confidence that already exists within you.
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 Thank you so much for listening to On Purpose.
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I'll see you again next week.
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Take care.
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Have a good one.
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 A new season of Bridgerton is here.
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And with it, a new season of Bridgerton, the official podcast.
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I'm your host, Gabby Collins.
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And this season, we are bringing fans even deeper into the ton.
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Watch season three of the Shondaland series on Netflix.
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 At one of the most famous restaurants in the world, there's a table in the corner where the most incredible conversations on the planet are happening every week with owner Ruthie Rogers and amazing guests like Martha Stewart.
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I did have an affair with one of his best friends.
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Listen to Ruthie's Table 4 on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.