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SPEAKER_05
 Bring a little optimism into your life with The Bright Side, a new kind of daily podcast from Hello Sunshine, hosted by me, Danielle Robay.
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SPEAKER_05
And me, Simone Boyce.
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SPEAKER_04
Every weekday, we're bringing you conversations about culture, the latest trends, inspiration, and so much more.
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I am so excited about this podcast, The Bright Side.
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SPEAKER_09
You guys are giving people a chance to shine a light on their lives, shine a light on a little advice that they want to share.
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SPEAKER_06
 Listen to The Bright Side on America's number one podcast network, iHeart.
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Open your free iHeart app and search The Bright Side.
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SPEAKER_08
Hey, everyone, this is Molly and Matt, and we're the hosts of Grown Up Stuff How to Adult, a podcast from Ruby Studio and iHeart Podcasts.
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It's a show dedicated to helping you figure out the trickiest parts of adulting.
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SPEAKER_08
 like how to start planning for retirement, creating a healthy skincare routine, understanding when and how much to tip someone, and so much more.
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Let's learn about all of it and then some.
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SPEAKER_13
Listen to Grown Up Stuff How to Adult on America's number one podcast network, iHeart.
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SPEAKER_13
Open your free iHeart app and search Grown Up Stuff.
0
SPEAKER_03
 Guess what, Will?
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SPEAKER_03
What's up, Mango?
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SPEAKER_03
I've been trying to write a promo for our podcast, Part-Time Genius, but even though we've done over 250 episodes, we don't really talk about murders or cults.
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SPEAKER_02
I mean, we did just cover the Illuminati of cheese, so I feel like that makes us pretty edgy.
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SPEAKER_02
We also solve mysteries like how Chinese is your Chinese food and how do dollar stores make money?
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SPEAKER_02
And then, of course, can you game a dog show?
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SPEAKER_02
So what you're saying is everyone should be listening.
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SPEAKER_02
Listen to Part-Time Genius on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.
0
SPEAKER_01
 Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world.
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SPEAKER_01
Thanks to each and every one of you.
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SPEAKER_01
Now today what you're going to hear is a conversation between me and Laurie Gottlieb.
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Now she's been a family and relationship therapist for decades.
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 and she was also a guest on the show but today we have a conversation about mental health and relationships.
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SPEAKER_01
So if you've been having any relationship issues lately, if you feel like you're spending more time with your partner than ever before because of lockdown, if you feel like you need to understand how to manage your mental health in relationships and know when therapy is right for you, when coaching is right for you,
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 then this is the conversation you want to listen to.
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SPEAKER_01
I think you're going to really enjoy this one.
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SPEAKER_01
Let me know what you learned from it.
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SPEAKER_01
Tag me and Laurie on Instagram.
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I can't wait for you to listen to this conversation.
0
SPEAKER_01
 Hey Instagram, welcome to day two of our online Mental Health Festival here, which is all about helping elevate awareness and learning about mental health.
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SPEAKER_01
Mental Health Day, World Mental Health Day, was the Saturday that just went and I thought to myself, why just talk about mental health for one day?
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SPEAKER_01
 Let's talk about it for a whole week.
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So every single day, I'm jumping on with my friends to talk to you about yesterday.
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We had the incredible Miguel.
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And today we have some of an incredible expert, the one and only Laurie Gottlieb.
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If you've not read her book, maybe you should talk to someone.
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Please check it out.
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I'm going to bring her on.
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But I'm excited for day two to talk about mental health and relationships.
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SPEAKER_01
So thank you so much for being here.
0
SPEAKER_01
Just waiting for Laurie to connect.
0
SPEAKER_01
 Hey, Laurie, how's it going?
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Hi, how are you?
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SPEAKER_01
I'm really good.
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I'm really good.
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SPEAKER_01
Thank you so much for tuning in.
0
SPEAKER_01
Of course.
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SPEAKER_01
It's so good to see you again.
0
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And everyone, this is my amazing friend, Laurie Gottlieb, who's an incredible, incredible psychiatrist and has an amazing book called Maybe You Should Talk to Someone.
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SPEAKER_01
If you've not read it, I highly recommend it.
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SPEAKER_01
We had Laurie on the podcast
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 Her episode was one of our most popular episodes this year, so I highly recommend listening to it.
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But Laurie, thank you for doing this for us.
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My pleasure.
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Happy to chat with you.
0
SPEAKER_01
I know.
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This week was all about, you know, obviously Saturday was World Mental Health Day.
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
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 And I really wanted to do something.
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But what I realized was I was like, well, why are we talking about mental health just for just one day?
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We should talk about it every day.
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And we should be thinking about this every day.
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And you've been working.
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And what I love about your expertise is you've been working with
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 relationship, people in relationships, couples, individuals for decades now.
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And what I love about that is sometimes relationships have such a big, important impact on our mental health.
0
SPEAKER_01
And so why don't you start off by just telling the community here what you've been doing in your career and how that is linked to mental health?
0
SPEAKER_01
I think that would be really useful for everyone in the background.
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SPEAKER_10
 Yeah, well, I think like you, I mean, my mission is really to help people to focus on their emotional health and to realize its importance, right?
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And so what I really want to do as a therapist is democratize therapy.
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I want to bring it to everybody so that everybody has it accessible to them.
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So through my book, Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, through my weekly column at The Atlantic, Dear Therapist, through my podcast, the Dear Therapist podcast,
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 through my TED Talk.
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I just, like you, I just want to make people aware of how important this is and to give them tools.
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Because a lot of people will say, OK, I know that it's important, but what do I do?
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What steps do I take?
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And when you talk about relationship, I think that's one of the first things, is one of the first things I say to people when they come in to me is, how is your life peopled?
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Who are the people in your life?
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And what is the quality of those relationships?
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 I love that.
0
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I love that.
0
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And yes, if you don't listen to Laurie's podcast as well, I highly recommend it, Dear Therapist.
0
SPEAKER_01
But the part of that that I want to start with, Laurie, is, and I love that question you said, like, you know, who are the people in your life?
0
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How do people, you know, I think this is the number one question I always get asked is, Jay, I'm just surrounded by negative people.
0
SPEAKER_01
And, you know, how do I create a distance from them?
0
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I live with them.
0
SPEAKER_01
 What do you have to say to people who come at it from that perspective and feel that way?
0
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What is the kind of journey that a therapist takes you on when that's the thing that you're hearing?
0
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 Yeah.
0
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So first of all, the people that we surround ourselves is so important because what is contagious is mood.
0
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So if there is, if you're surrounded by people who are always talking about negative things, who are always bringing you down, who always, when you talk to them, you feel worse than before you talk to them, right?
0
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Or just people who are always looking at, you know, like bad things, not only about themselves, the world, but about other people, right?
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 you are going to start acting that way.
0
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You won't even notice it.
0
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It's a slow transition.
0
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And all of a sudden you've become a negative person.
0
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And so I'm not saying like always look on the bright side and you know, don't, you know, just pretend nothing is wrong in the world.
0
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What I'm saying is that people who are, are making a difference in the world and who are taking care of their emotional health and those two go hand in hand because purpose
0
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 like you say in your book title, in your subtitle, purpose is really important.
0
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So if you think about it, if you don't like something that's going on, instead of complaining about it, what are you doing to take action about it?
0
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Whether it's something in your own life, like I'm anxious or I'm depressed, what are you doing to get help for that?
0
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If there's something in your relationship that's not working, how are you talking to that person about it?
0
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What are you doing to make it better?
0
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If there's something in the greater world that you feel like that's not fair, I want to change that.
0
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How are you getting involved in a positive
0
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 positive way.
0
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So I think that when you're surrounded by people like that that motivates you to act in that way too.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, that's great advice that that's really really great advice.
0
SPEAKER_01
It's about being really conscious about who's around us being really intentional about who's around us.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I think sometimes feel that people feel pressure because they're like well Jay I married them.
0
SPEAKER_01
 or they're my mom or they're my dad.
0
SPEAKER_01
What do I do about that?
0
SPEAKER_01
What do you have to say to that when someone goes, oh, but they're in my space.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like they're literally some of my closest family.
0
SPEAKER_10
A lot of times people feel trapped.
0
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They feel like helpless.
0
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I can't do anything.
0
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But the thing is, we have choices all the time.
0
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So what can you do when someone's being negative around you?
0
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Do you need to stay on the call?
0
SPEAKER_10
 What do you want to do in that moment?
0
SPEAKER_10
So it's kind of like when you think about, we talk a lot about protecting our physical immune systems right now with like the coronavirus, for example.
0
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You have to protect your psychological immune system too.
0
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And so if you let these toxins in, you are going to break down and get psychologically ill.
0
SPEAKER_10
 So what do you do?
0
SPEAKER_10
So you're on the phone with a family member, or you're talking to a family member, and they're being really negative.
0
SPEAKER_10
You can change the subject.
0
SPEAKER_10
You can talk about something else.
0
SPEAKER_10
You can say, you know what?
0
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I really got to go.
0
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Let's talk later.
0
SPEAKER_10
There are all kinds of things that you can do.
0
SPEAKER_10
And if you have a certain relationship with that person, you can also say to them, you know what?
0
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I noticed
0
SPEAKER_10
 that when we talk, there's a lot of stuff that you focus on that is negative.
0
SPEAKER_10
And I acknowledge that these things are real and true, but what can we do?
0
SPEAKER_10
Let's have a different kind of conversation about it.
0
SPEAKER_10
So you're talking about these things that aren't working.
0
SPEAKER_10
Maybe I can help you.
0
SPEAKER_10
Maybe we can brainstorm together about how to make things better.
0
SPEAKER_10
Now, sometimes you deal with a help rejecting complainer,
0
SPEAKER_10
 Help rejecting complainers are the people who you give them suggestions and they say, no, that won't work because, or no, I can do that because.
0
SPEAKER_10
We all know those people.
0
SPEAKER_10
We've actually been those people, right?
0
SPEAKER_10
But you know those people because every time you try to suggest a way out of the negativity, they reject it.
0
SPEAKER_10
They are getting something out of being negative.
0
SPEAKER_10
You don't have to join them.
0
SPEAKER_01
 That is great advice.
0
SPEAKER_01
You don't have to join them.
0
SPEAKER_01
I love that.
0
SPEAKER_01
And you're right.
0
SPEAKER_01
All of us have the opportunity to leave a room, to put down our phone, to say we have to go, to do it in a respectful way that raises red flags.
0
SPEAKER_01
Now, what about the step further sometimes, Lorraine?
0
SPEAKER_01
I'm sure you hear this in the deepest ways.
0
SPEAKER_01
 And I completely appreciate that we're very simplifying things for an Instagram conversation, because if you were working with someone, you would ask them a series of questions to really dissect what this was.
0
SPEAKER_01
So I appreciate that you're working with me to do Instagram therapy right now.
0
SPEAKER_01
But if you think about it, the point of view when someone goes, well, actually, Jay, I realize
0
SPEAKER_01
 that it's not even the people that are negative in my life.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like, I'm negative towards myself.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like, it's not even the noise.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like, sometimes people say to me, Jay, it's not even the noise outside me.
0
SPEAKER_01
It's the noise inside me that's bringing me down.
0
SPEAKER_10
Right.
0
SPEAKER_10
Sometimes the most toxic thing is the internalized voice inside of ourselves.
0
SPEAKER_10
 Most of us are so unkind to ourselves, so negative about ourselves.
0
SPEAKER_10
So, you know, it's interesting.
0
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I'm always asking people, you know, who's the person that you talk to most in the course of your life?
0
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And most people think it's their partners, their parents, their siblings, their best friends.
0
SPEAKER_10
No, we talk to ourselves more than we talk to anybody else.
0
SPEAKER_10
And we can be so unkind.
0
SPEAKER_10
And not only unkind, but what we say is so untrue.
0
SPEAKER_10
 Right?
0
SPEAKER_10
We'll criticize ourselves, you know, oh, you're so stupid.
0
SPEAKER_10
Oh, you'll never get that.
0
SPEAKER_10
Oh, you're not good enough for this.
0
SPEAKER_10
Oh, you look terrible today.
0
SPEAKER_10
You know, we just insult ourselves throughout the day without even noticing it.
0
SPEAKER_10
And we allow ourselves to be incredibly cruel to ourselves.
0
SPEAKER_10
We allow it.
0
SPEAKER_10
And so when we talk about mental health, and I'm so glad, like you said, you know, mental, it's not mental health day or mental health week.
0
SPEAKER_10
It's mental health all the time.
0
SPEAKER_10
We have to be aware of this voice and say, wait a minute.
0
SPEAKER_10
 Why am I inviting this voice into my head?
0
SPEAKER_10
Why would I allow someone to talk to me like that?
0
SPEAKER_10
And above all, why would I allow myself to talk to myself like that?
0
SPEAKER_10
Because I know on some level that this is not true.
0
SPEAKER_10
Because if this were true, everybody else would think this about me too.
0
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My friends don't think I'm stupid.
0
SPEAKER_10
My friends don't think I'm ugly.
0
SPEAKER_10
My friends don't think that I'm not good enough.
0
SPEAKER_01
 Yeah, I love that.
0
SPEAKER_01
I love that.
0
SPEAKER_01
That's really beautiful.
0
SPEAKER_01
It's really interesting.
0
SPEAKER_01
It's so funny you said that.
0
SPEAKER_01
I said that to someone on a keynote the other day.
0
SPEAKER_01
I asked people to write down who they think is the person they talk to the most.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I asked them to write down who they think they have the best conversations with and the worst conversations with.
0
SPEAKER_01
And people always think of other people and not themselves.
0
SPEAKER_01
So I love that you mentioned that.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I love that we're speaking about self-talk, because a lot of people think that self-talk makes them crazy.
0
SPEAKER_01
 And a lot of people think that in terms of like, we don't realize we're always talking to ourselves.
0
SPEAKER_01
Right.
0
SPEAKER_01
And when someone says, oh, you should talk to yourself, that's weird.
0
SPEAKER_01
That's like, you know, it's kind of a bit woo woo, but it's it's not because we're doing it anyway.
0
SPEAKER_01
But tell us about when do you know you need to see a therapist or get therapy?
0
SPEAKER_01
Like what are the signs for someone?
0
SPEAKER_01
Because I feel no one ever talks about that.
0
SPEAKER_01
How do you know?
0
SPEAKER_10
 Well, they don't.
0
SPEAKER_10
They don't talk about that.
0
SPEAKER_10
And it's funny, because if you said to somebody, what are the signs that you should go see a doctor for something like a physical ailment?
0
SPEAKER_10
Well, the sign is something doesn't feel right.
0
SPEAKER_10
Something feels off.
0
SPEAKER_10
Something feels off in your body.
0
SPEAKER_10
You say, I'm going to go get this checked out, right?
0
SPEAKER_10
So nobody questions that.
0
SPEAKER_10
But people say, well, what do you do when something feels off emotionally?
0
SPEAKER_10
Well, you go and you get help for it, right?
0
SPEAKER_10
But I think that there's some reason that people think that it has to be really, really, really bad.
0
SPEAKER_10
 You know you have to be like emotionally dying before you go see a therapist whereas people don't think that it's kind of like if you broke your arm Nobody's saying like oh, but I don't have cancer so it's not bad enough.
0
SPEAKER_10
I'm not gonna go to the doctor get cast Yeah, that's what we do with our emotional health.
0
SPEAKER_10
We say well.
0
SPEAKER_10
Yeah, I'm anxious or I'm feeling sad or I'm
0
SPEAKER_10
 I can't really function well.
0
SPEAKER_10
I'm having trouble in my relationships.
0
SPEAKER_10
But it's not that bad compared to whatever people compare it to.
0
SPEAKER_10
So I'm not going to get help for this.
0
SPEAKER_10
And then people come to my office when they're having the equivalent of an emotional heart attack.
0
SPEAKER_10
Like they are really, really in crisis.
0
SPEAKER_10
And at that point, they've suffered unnecessarily for a long time.
0
SPEAKER_10
And it's harder to treat because you could have come when it was just beginning, right?
0
SPEAKER_10
 And so I think that, you know, a lot of people say like, well, you know, it's a sign of weakness that I have to go get help for this.
0
SPEAKER_10
Nobody says it's a sign of weakness to go get a cast for your arm.
0
SPEAKER_10
And so I say it's a sign of strength because what happens is when you say, I want to go get help for this, you're saying, I value myself and I value the lives of the people around me too, because our emotional health affects the emotional health of everybody around us.
0
SPEAKER_04
 When you find that bright spot to help you get through your day, it's powerful.
0
SPEAKER_05
That's where The Bright Side comes in.
0
SPEAKER_05
A new daily podcast from Hello Sunshine that's bringing you a daily dose of joy.
0
SPEAKER_05
I'm Danielle Robay.
0
SPEAKER_04
And I'm Simone Boyce.
0
SPEAKER_04
Listen, both Danielle and I are reporters.
0
SPEAKER_04
We've covered the news and we know the world can feel heavy, but The Bright Side podcast is a space to have a little fun, to learn something new and get into some friendly debates.
0
SPEAKER_05
 That's right, join us five days a week to see how life can look from the bright side.
0
SPEAKER_05
We'll hear from celebrities, authors, experts, and listeners like you.
0
SPEAKER_04
Whether it's relationships, friend advice, or figuring out how to navigate life's transitions, we'll talk through it all together.
0
SPEAKER_05
Listen to The Bright Side from Hello Sunshine every weekday on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
0
SPEAKER_11
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Join Stories for Kids by Lingokids, where episodes are packed with fun activities.
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Right, Elliot?
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We learned how to recycle at the beach.
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 That was great fun!
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Cowie, what do you say?
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It was!
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And that time when we did the science experiment and Billy made raisins dance!
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That is so cool, Billy!
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He did!
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Not to mention when a certain Elliot took up swimming classes with Lisa.
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 That was me!
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 When the Taliban banned music in Afghanistan, millions were plunged into silence.
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Radios were smashed.
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Cassettes burned.
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You could be beaten or jailed or killed for breaking the rules.
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And yet, Afghans did it anyway.
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This is the story of how a group of people brought music back to Afghanistan by creating their own version of American Idol.
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 The danger they endured.
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They said my head should be cut off.
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The joy they brought to the nation.
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You're free completely.
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No one is there to destroy you.
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I'm John Legend.
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Listen to Afghan Star on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
0
SPEAKER_01
 I love that example of like, if you injured your arm and you need a cast, you can go, oh, well, I don't have cancer.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I think sometimes with our mind, we kind of keep pushing it, like postponing it and delaying it.
0
SPEAKER_01
And then, like you said, people are walking in with a real like panic attack or a genuine plea because we've just let it build so much.
0
SPEAKER_01
What about someone who has someone in their life who's always told them that mental health's not real?
0
SPEAKER_01
 I'm sure you've faced that, Laurie, or, you know, someone's just like, oh, it's all in your mind, don't worry about it, like, you'll be fine, or, you know, oh, yeah, that, you know, there's a bit of that, not skepticism about therapy, but I mean, like, people don't really, I feel like a lot of people don't understand that mental health is real.
0
SPEAKER_01
People are like, oh, I don't need mental health, I've been fine my whole life, like, you know, I'm okay.
0
SPEAKER_01
How have you helped people deal with people who have that in their life?
0
SPEAKER_10
 You know, it's really interesting.
0
SPEAKER_10
I think that people have that misconception because people aren't talking about going to therapy.
0
SPEAKER_10
So if you see the people who seem the most functional, right?
0
SPEAKER_10
So the people who are the most successful, the people who are really doing things in the world and in meaningful ways and they feel whole, right?
0
SPEAKER_10
 Everywhere I went on book tour for maybe to talk to someone before I went on stage, the person who was interviewing me, and these were like celebrities and people who are extremely successful in all realms of the world, they would say, you know what?
0
SPEAKER_10
I just want to let you know that I'm in therapy.
0
SPEAKER_10
I may or may not talk about it during our conversation.
0
SPEAKER_10
And inevitably, they did.
0
SPEAKER_10
And everybody was like, really?
0
SPEAKER_10
That person's in therapy?
0
SPEAKER_10
And I think that changes the mindset about whether this is real or not, whether it can really help or not.
0
SPEAKER_10
 So there's that.
0
SPEAKER_10
And then I also think that it's important that people understand that depression is real.
0
SPEAKER_10
Okay.
0
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Anxiety is real.
0
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Grief and loss are real.
0
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They aren't just like, you can just flip the switch and something happens.
0
SPEAKER_10
Just like if you have diabetes, you need insulin, right?
0
SPEAKER_10
So these are, these are real phenomena.
0
SPEAKER_10
 And I think that for people who don't understand, it's a matter of education.
0
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And to show them an article about it, just send them a link to something, right?
0
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Send them something that shows other people's experiences.
0
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And I would say, ultimately, at the end of the day, nobody gets to live your life for you.
0
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So if you are struggling, go get help.
0
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It doesn't matter what other people think because they aren't living your life.
0
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Why do you want to suffer based on what somebody else says about whether what you're experiencing meets some kind of threshold for them?
0
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 You know in your place of knowing that you need help, go get help.
0
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Please don't wait.
0
SPEAKER_01
How do you actually go about finding the right therapist for you?
0
SPEAKER_01
Affordability is one thing, but the other thing is just finding the right person because again, that's another relationship, right?
0
SPEAKER_10
 It is a relationship and it's not like going to the dentist, right?
0
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It's, you know, this is a relationship where you're coming in, you are showing the truth of who you are, you are taking off the mask, you are doing, you know, all of the things that I think are very hard to do, which is to be authentic, be vulnerable, and also be accountable.
0
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Because, you know, you're going to be asked to really look at yourself and you're going to be shown a lot of choices that you think you don't have, but you're going to have to act on them.
0
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 And so I think the relationship and the trust in that relationship is so important.
0
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So what I always say to people about finding a therapist is that first of all, ask somebody, right?
0
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So you can always ask someone, don't ask the person who you don't feel like they have their life together.
0
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The person who's always like, yeah, I go to therapy and basically they haven't changed at all.
0
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 Look at the person and you say, wow, that person's really changed.
0
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Wow, I've seen that person really shift.
0
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I've seen some transformation in this person.
0
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Say to that person, what's going on with you?
0
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Do you have a therapist by any chance, right?
0
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That's the person who's going to, if they have a therapist, will share it with you.
0
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If they don't want to share their therapist with you, their therapist can often give you a good referral.
0
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So a lot of times my patients will say to me, my friend wants to go to therapy, who can I refer them to?
0
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And I will give them a good referral.
0
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 So word of mouth is great in that way.
0
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You can go on Psychology Today online and look up therapists, and you can see different things about them.
0
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But ultimately, remember this, that when you go in for a first session, so you say you find someone, they look good online, or somebody gave you a recommendation, when you go in, it's a consultation.
0
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And you're there to see, how do I feel?
0
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Check in with yourself.
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How do I feel talking to this person?
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Do I feel understood?
0
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Do I feel like this person is asking the right questions?
0
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 Do I feel comfortable in this space?
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It's a vibe.
0
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And if you do feel good, go back for a second session.
0
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And it'll take you a few sessions to really get a sense of, how do I feel with this person?
0
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And at that point, you'll know whether it's the right person.
0
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And if it's not, here's my suggestion.
0
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Don't ghost the person.
0
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 Say to the person, hey, for whatever reason, I'm not sure, I'm just not feeling like maybe this is the right thing.
0
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And you talk about it with the person and we welcome those conversations.
0
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And what's great about the therapy room is we are, it's the one place I think where you can talk about literally anything and it is safe.
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And the therapist will probably say, hey, why don't you try this colleague?
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Or here's a suggestion for you, or here's what I noticed.
0
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And that feedback will be so good for you.
0
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And it teaches you out in the world, how do you have a hard conversation?
0
SPEAKER_01
 That's brilliant.
0
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That's such great advice.
0
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And it really has to be personal.
0
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It really has to be someone that you connect with.
0
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And going back a few questions, I was also going to say to everyone, like what Laurie said, and it just triggered in my mind, is, you know, hearing people talk about their mental health journey helps people that may be skeptical.
0
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And on On Purpose on our podcast, and I'm sure Laurie's got several stories as well she shares, but even in her book where she gives examples of people
0
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 We've had so many people on On Purpose, the podcast, talk about their mental health journeys.
0
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When people share that to their friend and send it, they're like, oh my gosh, I never realized this celebrity or this musician or this person has had this.
0
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That's a really great way.
0
SPEAKER_01
And one of the other things that I'm seeing pop out from your guys' questions that I want to ask Laurie here, where's it gone?
0
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 There we go.
0
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So this was a really good point.
0
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Amira goes, people sometimes associate having therapy with failing at life.
0
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I completely agree.
0
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Like we see it as a weakness when actually it's actually good training.
0
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And I just want to address that for a second.
0
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Like if you have a therapist, that does not mean you are failing at life.
0
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 right?
0
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And when you're surprised that someone's in therapy, it means you only think you take therapy if things are going really wrong.
0
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That's not the case as we've been addressing.
0
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Therapy is for you to stay proactive about your mental well-being, whatever your therapy practice is, whether it's with a therapist or you're doing online therapy or whatever way in which you are able to find it for yourself.
0
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Being in therapy is not a weakness or a failure.
0
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 One way to look at it, I think, is therapy is like getting a really good second opinion on your life from someone who isn't in your life.
0
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In every other realm, we will get a second opinion, right?
0
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We will say, oh, hey, I want to know about this or what do you think about this from people that we respect.
0
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 And so I think the thing about therapy is that we all have blind spots.
0
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And you can talk to your friends about things, but often your friends have blind spots about you because they're so close to you.
0
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And when you go to a therapist, you have someone who can see you in a way that maybe other people can't.
0
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They will hold up a mirror to you in a compassionate way, but also in a way that's going to help you see something that you haven't seen.
0
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So a lot of times we're stuck in these patterns.
0
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And what a therapist will do,
0
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 is say, here's this pattern that it affects your personal life, your professional life, your internal life, right?
0
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And when you understand that pattern, everything opens up.
0
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So that's why the people who are doing the best in life are people who often have been to therapy.
0
SPEAKER_08
Hey everyone, this is Molly and Matt and we're the hosts of Grown Up Stuff How to Adult, a podcast from Ruby Studio and iHeart Podcasts.
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SPEAKER_13
It's a show dedicated to helping you figure out the trickiest parts of adulting.
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SPEAKER_08
 like how to start planning for retirement, creating a healthy skincare routine, understanding when and how much to tip someone, and so much more.
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We're back with season two of the podcast, which means more opportunities to glow up and become a more responsible and better adult, one life lesson at a time.
0
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And let me just tell you, this show is just as much for us as it is for you.
0
SPEAKER_08
So let's figure this stuff out together.
0
SPEAKER_08
This season, we're going to talk about whether or not we're financially and emotionally ready for dog ownership.
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 We're going to figure out the benefits of a high yield savings account.
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SPEAKER_08
And what exactly are the duties of being a member of the wedding party?
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All that plus so much more.
0
SPEAKER_08
Let's learn about all of it and then some.
0
SPEAKER_08
Listen to Grown Up Stuff How to Adult on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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 Guess what, Mango?
0
SPEAKER_02
What's that, Will?
0
SPEAKER_02
So iHeart is giving us a whole minute to promote our podcast, Part-Time Genius.
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SPEAKER_03
I know, that's why I spent my whole week composing a haiku for the occasion.
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It's about my emotional journey in podcasting over the last seven years, and it's called Earthquake House.
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Mango, I'm going to cut you off right there.
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Why don't we just tell people about our show instead?
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Yeah, that's a better idea.
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So every week on Part-Time Genius, we feed our curiosity by answering the world's most important questions.
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Things like, when did America start dialing 911?
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 is William Shatner's best acting work in Esperanto.
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Also, what happened to Esperanto?
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Plus, we cover questions like how Chinese is your Chinese food?
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How do dollar stores stay in business?
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And of course, is there an Illuminati of cheese?
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There absolutely is.
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And we are risking our lives by talking about it.
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But if you love mind blowing facts, incredible history and really bad jokes, make your brains happy and tune in to Part Time Genius.
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Listen to Part Time Genius on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.
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 A new season of Bridgerton is here.
0
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And with it, a new season of Bridgerton, the official podcast.
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I'm your host, Gabrielle Collins.
0
SPEAKER_07
And this season, we are bringing fans even deeper into the ton.
0
SPEAKER_07
Colin Bridgerton has returned from his travels abroad.
0
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Is Betrothal written in the stars for the eligible bachelor?
0
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 Meanwhile, the ton is reverberating with speculation of who holds Lady Whistledown's pen.
0
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We're discussing it all.
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I sit down with Nicola Coughlin, Luke Newton, Shonda Rhimes, and more to offer an exclusive peek behind the scenes of each episode of the new season.
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Watch season three of the Shondaland series on Netflix.
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Then,
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 Fall in love all over again by listening to Bridgerton, the official podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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Subscribe to catch a new episode every Thursday.
0
SPEAKER_01
 And I feel like usually what I've seen when I, obviously I'm a coach, so I do coaching, which is obviously very different from therapy, but when I'm coaching
1
SPEAKER_00
 someone and if I'm recommending them to go to therapy, often what happens is like one person in the relationship wants to go to a therapist and the other.
1
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You've seen this a million times.
1
SPEAKER_00
So what do you do in that situation?
1
SPEAKER_00
 When is the right time for a couple to go to therapy?
1
SPEAKER_00
And when you have one person wants to go to the therapist, the other person doesn't, how do you manage that?
1
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So when people want to come to therapy, and often you're right, it's the case that maybe sometimes one person does and the other person is, the reason the other person doesn't want to come is because of fear.
1
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They're worried that if we go in and start talking about our relationship, we're going to find things wrong with it.
1
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 And the opposite actually happens.
1
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If you go in and start talking about your relationship, it's going to get stronger.
1
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The infrastructure, the foundation, the ways of communicating, the ways of getting through the hard things, because there are always hard things.
1
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You learn a new way to talk to each other.
1
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You learn a new way to see each other.
1
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You learn a new way to see yourself.
1
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You get rid of the projections of, oh, this person did that because, well, you don't know why they did it.
1
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But if you come to therapy, you find out, whoa, I'm making up a lot of stories in my head about my partner.
1
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 that just aren't true.
1
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You learn about gratitude.
1
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You learn about appreciation.
1
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You learn about kindness.
1
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You learn about generosity.
1
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So we don't get taught this growing up.
1
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And so what happens is people get into relationships, and they think, well, it should just all go smoothly.
1
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We should never have any difficulty.
1
SPEAKER_02
And then they have difficulty, and they get worried.
1
SPEAKER_02
Uh-oh, what does this mean?
1
SPEAKER_02
 So go to therapy, learn about yourselves, learn about each other, and your relationship will be stronger.
1
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What I do when somebody is worried about it is I say to the person who's worried about it, what is your goal for coming in?
1
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What do you want to accomplish here?
1
SPEAKER_02
Right?
1
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 personal say, well, I want, you know, this, I want things to go more smoothly.
1
SPEAKER_02
Well, then I will talk to them about what they can do personally to make that happen.
1
SPEAKER_02
And usually they'll come in for the first session.
1
SPEAKER_02
And once they get there and they see that it's not a session about arguing, but it's a session about really love and coming together.
1
SPEAKER_02
Um, they love it and they want to come back.
1
SPEAKER_00
 Yeah, and that's what I love about all these practices is that it also gets you to the truth quicker.
1
SPEAKER_00
Even if the answer is that you may have to go your separate ways and that's just your truth, that's a better answer than falsely forcing yourself to stay without having had the therapy, right?
1
SPEAKER_00
Like in the sense of, it's not that, it's not about saving something that doesn't work.
1
SPEAKER_00
It's about being honest and helping both people be honest.
1
SPEAKER_02
 Yeah, and I will say there's this misconception that couples therapy is about for people on the last leg.
1
SPEAKER_02
A lot of people will come to me as they're about to get married, and they're completely in love, and they're saying, we just want to learn the skills of how do we talk about the hard things in life?
1
SPEAKER_02
How do we talk about money, and in-laws, and sex, and who's going to work, and who's going to take care of the kids, and all of these things that people don't know how to talk about.
1
SPEAKER_02
 How can we be more vulnerable with each other?
1
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How can we be more supportive of each other?
1
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So they want to go in from a place of strength.
1
SPEAKER_02
And you're right, there are some relationships that get to a place where it's not viable.
1
SPEAKER_02
And what happens is people pretend that they don't need someone to help them with that.
1
SPEAKER_02
And they could go a decade or more living miserably.
1
SPEAKER_02
 when it would be so much better, as painful as it is, to say, let's talk about the truth of what's going on between us, and maybe we won't get these 10 years back in life.
1
SPEAKER_02
We only get one life.
1
SPEAKER_02
So let's make sure that we're, even as painful as it is, let's make sure that we're doing what's right for both of us.
1
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I love that.
1
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Laurie, for the last question, what is your one tip for mental health for people today that they can practice, your one takeaway for what you recommend for people to do today as part of this week of mental health that we're doing?
1
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 I would say the one thing is what we touched on earlier, which is when you notice yourself being unkind to yourself, I want you to give yourself a compliment.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I don't mean a fake compliment.
1
SPEAKER_02
I want you to really appreciate how well you're doing today, because no matter what you're not getting done, no matter what things you wish you had done differently, no matter what you think you've, quote, failed at today,
1
SPEAKER_02
 You've done one good thing, I'm sure, or one thing that has been helpful.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I would say, even if the one thing is, I'm going to turn it around and be kind to myself right now.
1
SPEAKER_02
Give yourself credit for stopping yourself from being cruel to yourself and just being kind to yourself right now.
1
SPEAKER_02
That in itself is an accomplishment.
1
SPEAKER_00
 I love that.
1
SPEAKER_00
Amazing.
1
SPEAKER_00
Thank you so much, Laurie.
1
SPEAKER_00
For anyone who doesn't follow Laurie, please go follow her.
1
SPEAKER_00
This is going to live on my IGTV as well.
1
SPEAKER_00
So if you've enjoyed this conversation, you can watch it back.
1
SPEAKER_00
You can share it with a friend.
1
SPEAKER_00
If there's been any advice in here and please, please, please go and check out Laurie's book.
1
SPEAKER_00
Maybe you should talk to someone.
1
SPEAKER_00
It's amazing.
1
SPEAKER_00
And of course, go and listen to our podcast and you'll find all of that when you go and follow her Instagram.
1
SPEAKER_00
Laurie, thank you for doing this.
1
SPEAKER_02
 Thank you, Jay.
1
SPEAKER_02
Have a great day.
1
SPEAKER_00
I love doing stuff with you.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I love that we've been doing so much together recently.
1
SPEAKER_02
And you're coming on our podcast.
1
SPEAKER_02
We're so excited.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I'm so looking forward to just seeing you again after all this.
1
SPEAKER_00
I really want to catch up with you.
1
SPEAKER_00
So thank you, as always, for everything.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I hope you enjoyed this, too.
1
SPEAKER_00
 Hey everyone, thank you so much for listening to this conversation.
1
SPEAKER_00
I hope you found it as insightful as I did, and you picked up some really actionable takeaways that you can practice in your life moving forward.
1
SPEAKER_00
Make sure you tag me and Laurie on Instagram to let us know what you learned and what you took away, and I thank you so much for being part of the On Purpose community.
1
SPEAKER_00
Thank you so much, have an awesome, awesome week, and don't forget to look out for episodes next Monday and next Friday.
1
SPEAKER_00
 This podcast was produced by Dust Light Productions.
1
SPEAKER_00
Our executive producer from Dust Light is Misha Yusuf.
1
SPEAKER_00
Our senior producer is Juliana Bradley.
1
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Our associate producer is Jacqueline Castillo.
1
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Valentino Rivera is our engineer.
1
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Our music is from Blue Dot Sessions.
1
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And special thanks to Rachel Garcia, the Dust Light Development and Operations Coordinator.
1
SPEAKER_01
 Discover a new educational and interactive podcast, Stories for Kids by Lingokids.
1
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Our episodes are packed with fun activities.
1
SPEAKER_01
Right, Elliot?
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, yes.
1
SPEAKER_01
We went shape hunting around the block, and we found spheres and cubes on the street.
1
SPEAKER_01
That was great fun.
1
SPEAKER_01
Join Stories for Kids, the Lingokids podcast, inspiring you to learn while having fun.
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Listen to Stories for Kids on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
1
SPEAKER_03
 This is the story of how a group of people brought music back to Afghanistan by creating their own version of American Idol.
1
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The joy they brought to the nation.
1
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You're free completely.
1
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No one is there to destroy you.
1
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The danger they endured.
1
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They said my head should be cut off.
1
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I'm John Legend.
1
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Listen to Afghan Star on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
1
SPEAKER_04
 A new season of Bridgerton is here.
1
SPEAKER_04
And with it, a new season of Bridgerton, the official podcast.
1
SPEAKER_04
I'm your host, Gabby Collins.
1
SPEAKER_04
And this season, we are bringing fans even deeper into the tun.
1
SPEAKER_04
Watch season three of the Shondaland series on Netflix.
1
SPEAKER_04
Then fall in love all over again by listening to Bridgerton, the official podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
1
SPEAKER_04
Subscribe to catch a new episode every Thursday.