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Hey folks, it s Lyle.
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Before we get into the episode, I wanted to talk to you guys about a new thing I m doing where you can help support my lizard endeavors by becoming a premium member of this podcast over at therapygecko.supercast.com
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Premium Members, or GECK Legends, as I call them, will be able to get every new and existing episode of Therapy Gecko completely ad-free.
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You ll also get a bonus podcast episode once a month, a bonus live show episode once a month from all of the live shows I ve been doing around the world, a members-only live stream once a month, plus, you ll also support my ability to continue, hopefully, doing this podcast for a long time, doing it around the world,
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and also supporting my ability to occasionally go eat a slice of pizza.
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Go to therapygecko.supercast.com or find the link in the episode description to become a GECK legend today.
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Alright, let s get into the episode.
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Hello.
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Hey, what s up, lad?
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How s it going?
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This is Will.
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This is Will.
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What is happening in the universe, Will?
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Man, there s so many things happening.
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so many things happening and I have a big dilemma, which is, uh, do I talk to you about the life I had or the one I have now?
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Uh, well, I mean, why don t you tell me a little bit about both if you, if you want, of course.
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Yeah, um, for sure.
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So, uh, let s see.
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Um,
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I guess the most interesting part of my past is when I literally ran away with the circus.
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How old were you when that happened?
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I was 19.
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And just to preface this really quick, what happened was my dad had died a few years earlier.
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This is back in,
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98, 99.
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And my mom had remarried some guy really quickly, you know, like some blast from the past.
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And I was 19 years old, still living at home, my little brother, and just started butting heads with the new husband and they just wanted me gone.
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And I was between jobs and I was opening up the classifieds one day, you know,
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the old the old way which we used to actual newspapers and uh I want to say there was a good quarter page ad for the Ringling Brothers in Barnum and Bailey Circus and I was like what the hell is this and it had all kinds of jobs you know like animal handlers um you know veterinarians you know uh just on and on but uh
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You know, and my mom and her new husband walked in and I was like, guys, what the hell is this?
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You have to look at this.
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And, you know, we had like a laugh for like 10 seconds.
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Right.
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But then they were like, well, maybe you should do it.
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And I was like, like, what are you talking about?
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You know, like, are you insane?
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And I mean, more or less, I ll just give you the quick version.
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I mean, they just wanted me gone, like I said.
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I very shortly, you know, for lack of other options and what to do, you know, in life even, um, just went down there to see what was going on and I got hired right away.
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And within a couple of days I was gone and on the road.
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So, um, yeah, I, I linked up with the legit Ringling Brothers Barnum and Bailey circus for, uh,
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About a year.
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Actually, I think it was a year to the date I was with them.
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And what was that time like for you?
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It started off very just like, wow, man, I m doing something really wild.
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This is something, you know, once in a lifetime, maybe not even that, you know, chance, you know, to actually do something crazy like this.
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But I saw it as just a way to travel a lot, you know, and just see different things.
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But so it started off very much, you know, like, oh, this is a new adventure, you know, meeting crazy people, doing crazy things.
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But, you know, as time went by, you know, being completely isolated, living on a train, working 80 hours, hard labor, you know, every
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almost every day, you know, it just really got to me.
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So, you know, I want to say close within, you know, a month or two before I actually left, I was in a really bad state of depression.
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And, you know, it s very hard to sleep on a train, you know, even when it s at a standstill, because things are always bumping the damn train, you know, and all the train cars are going boom, boom, boom, boom, you know, and moving around all the time.
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It s very hard to sleep.
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So, you know, it was, it was, it was hard.
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It was really, really hard.
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You know, I m glad I did it, but it was, you know, it was not fun.
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And how long did you say total you were doing that for?
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One year to the date.
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One year.
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And what did you do when you got out?
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And you were about how old then as well?
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I was 21 when I got out.
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Okay.
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Yeah.
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So I was, well, asking myself, I m like, well, how do I translate, like these, like, skills, which was basically setting up a whole production, you know, running props, running cables, rigging, you know, setting up the trussing and like, well, how does this
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How does this apply to my next thing?
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I m like, I don t know how this is gonna work out, but it did, and I actually got a job, since I live in SoCal, I got a job with a lighting company that does stage lighting, and mostly in the music industry.
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So yeah, after I left that, I basically became a roadie, and I traveled with a bunch of bands,
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And did a lot of cool stuff for, I want to say another three years after that.
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Hmm.
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And so you say that, um, there s a, there s a strong dichotomy between your life then and your life now, because you, you came in here asking which one you should tell me about.
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What do you think are those big differences?
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Um, well, I m like, honestly, I m.
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definitely back in like a depressive state, um, just because of the way things have gone.
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Um, you know, I, uh, I like had these incredibly adventurous jobs when I was young in my twenties, you know, and then, you know, got married and then was trying to figure out, okay, well, what do I do with the rest of my life now?
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Because she was not loving this whole like road life thing.
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Um,
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So I did what I was supposed to do.
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I went to college, got a bunch of boring office jobs, and completely forsake my God-given talents and just did what we re told to do as adults, which is go for money and just try and live the American dream and all that.
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So long story short,
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I had a divorce a couple years back and lost everything, you know, that I had worked, you know, 20 years for, you know, the home, you know, and then everything else.
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So I am back kind of like square one, you know, and it s a weird place to be at 44.
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It s a really weird place and especially in the year 2023, you know, it s like things have changed.
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a lot.
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So that s where I m at right now.
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So when, when did you say this divorce was?
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Uh, 2021, 2021.
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And, uh, in the past two years, have you been out there trying to date anyone or do anything like that?
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Yeah, actually that s kind of where my therapy needs is right now.
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Um,
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I, yes, I definitely dated a string of women, got back out there, and just quickly learned, you know, like, the whole games people play these days, and like, the lifestyles that people live these days, and I just feel like a relic of the past.
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Yeah.
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Go into that for me real quick.
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The games that people play and the lifestyles.
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What do you tell me?
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Because I assume what you mean is you re on the dating apps and you re seeing some stuff that makes you feel like I mean, people have been calling into this show talking about polyamory and, you know,
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Fucking dogs and sex dungeons and things where I m like, yeah, I could see If I were you, you know getting back out there being Feeling like you re a relic of the past but from your perspective.
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What what have you seen that has made you feel that way?
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Like the first thing on top of my head is just the shallowness of people these days The you know
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Like I was brought up where like, you know, you would pick a girl up on a date, you know, uh, you know, take her out, you know, kiss at the end of the night.
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And then, you know, you know, you might sleep together after three days or something like that.
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Like that was, you know, the status quo.
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So these days, I mean, people are giving it out on the first date and
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but they want a long-term relationship.
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And it just seems like people are really confused about what they actually want.
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Let me ask you this, Will.
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Let me ask you this.
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First, are you on Tinder?
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What are you on?
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Honestly, I ve used all the apps at one point or another.
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When you re on the apps, what age range are you looking at here?
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I have done, I want to say, 30 to 44.
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or maybe 45 even, so I mean I wouldn t mind dating someone one or two years older than me, that s fine, it s not a big deal with my age.
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Okay, all right, all right.
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And so your, hmm, and so your feeling is there s a lot of shallowness.
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How many people have you actually like, were you able to actually go on dates with anybody?
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Oh yeah, I ve dated quite a few.
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probably at least eight.
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You re on eight dates between now and when you got divorced.
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Yeah, I ve dated probably eight of them.
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Was there a common theme as to why none of those worked out for you?
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Basically,
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Like what I ve been seeing is people are out there saying, oh, they want to meet their partner.
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You know, they want to, they want, you know, their soulmate.
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They want the long-term relationship.
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And then you, um, you know, you re, you re telling them, okay, well, you want the same things.
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So we re on the same page, right?
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Spend a week or two talking to these people, finding out everything about them.
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They find everything about you.
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it s exhausting.
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And then you meet up.
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And then you go on several dates.
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And then they re just like, well, you know, uh, you know, maybe I don t want to be in a relationship right now.
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So you re like, what was that all about?
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Like, why did I just waste all this time and energy?
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And I m telling you, it s happened over and over and over and over again.
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But I did meet, unfortunately, one girl that I fell in love with.
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Um,
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And unfortunately, she s a textbook narcissist.
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Now, what makes you say that?
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Uh, okay, well, this isn t just a girl and she s my own age, by the way.
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She isn t just somebody that takes a lot of selfies and was like, Oh, I look so pretty.
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She s not bad looking, but you know, it s, it s a little overboard, you know, but
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Um, what makes me say that is she seems to keep a lot of secrets.
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It s never completely forthcoming, you know, and I ve asked her straight up, would you be my girlfriend?
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She ll be like, yes, but then come to find out, well, she s still talking to a lot of people on the side and keeping things secret.
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And then, you know, um, out of nowhere, she ll do a breakup and be like, well, I m going to step away for a while, you know,
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Maybe we ll meet up again.
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And you re like, wait, well, you know, let me ask you this.
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Let me ask you this.
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Yeah.
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And this is the whole thing.
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And if you don t want to get into it, we totally don t have to.
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But like, yeah.
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Why?
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What do you think was the cause of your divorce?
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The cause of my divorce, honestly, was we both married each other too young and did not
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did not sow oats, you know, so to speak.
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And I don t regret it.
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We had an amazing child, you know, from that marriage and accomplished a lot.
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But, you know, just time definitely revealed, you know, that we were not compatible, you know, in several ways.
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And
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I think that was just honestly, definitely the cause of it, is just being married too young, too early.
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And not having, you know, really gone out there and seen what s out there.
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Well, it s interesting to me that you say that, because that is a totally, how old were you when you got married?
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We started seeing each other when I was 22.
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We got married at 24.
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Okay, so 20 years of marriage.
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That s a solid run.
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That s a good run.
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It s a solid run.
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That s a real good run.
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That s a real solid run.
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But now you re back out there and you re like, oh yeah, dating.
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Dating, by the way, it sucks for everybody.
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It sucks for guys.
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It sucks for girls.
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It sucks if you re young.
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It sucks if you re older.
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Actually, that s not true.
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If you are, no, if you re actually, if you re,
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young and really, really attractive.
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It s probably, but I wouldn t know.
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So yeah, it sucks out there.
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So what about, what s going on in the rest of your life, the professional life?
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Let s talk about that.
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Let s get a, let s get a well-rounded picture of you.
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Okay.
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So, so basically I ve been doing,
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IT work for a while now, like a really long time.
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I decided, you know what, I m getting old, it s getting competitive.
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It just isn t fun keeping up with all the changes in society and everything else.
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It s just nonstop being beaten over the head when you work in IT.
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And so I did a stint in graphic design, which is,
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what I would like to do more of because, you know, I have a whole artistic side, but, um, I had a really shitty boss.
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So I had to go back into it.
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The pandemic happened and, uh, I lost my job because apparently the company was going to lose money, but it turns out they actually made more money in the end.
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But regardless of that, I ended up getting the job I m at now.
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And basically, I m a call center supervisor right now.
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Manager, supervisor, whatever you want to call it.
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And it sucks.
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Does anything give you happiness in life right now?
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Oh yeah, definitely.
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I mean, my kid, I have a really amazing kid.
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He s 10 going on 11.
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I get joy from making art and yeah, I mean, those times I m with my narcissistic partner, I m happy because we go out, we have a great time but it s just these kind of people have different personalities
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You know the next day she can be a completely different person when you say you re I m sorry you re part I m sorry if I m confused, but when you say you re a narcissistic partner You re talking about your ex-wife or the person you re with right now The girl I m dating right now Can I say something to you so you re still dating this this is the person who you said you you fell in love with who you said was you re gonna be your girlfriend that Or is this a different person?
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It s, it s an on and off relationship.
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Yeah.
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But yes, currently we are dating.
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Currently we re dating again.
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Okay.
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Can just this person that you re currently dating, are you referring to as a narcissist?
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Are they making your life, are they in general, in general, are they making your life better or worse?
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Currently worse.
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Okay.
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Um,
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I mean, look, bro, it s just suspicion and stress.
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I know.
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And that s, and it s just part, it s part of the whole game that they do.
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And it s just, you know, I ve accepted it.
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Yeah.
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So why have you, why have you accepted it?
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Just because I know that that s part of her personality.
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It s part of her, you know, uh, psyche.
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That s something that she is going to do.
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and continue to behave this way, and it s not something she can change about herself, I don t think, because she needs the attention, you know.
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and she will justify it by saying, oh, I don t like my- I m gonna, I m gonna, Will, is this a sex thing?
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Is it like, is it like I m afraid of not being able to have sex and being alone, and so I m gonna be with this person who is making me unhappy because I d rather do that than be alone and sexless?
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Uh, that could be part, like a small part of it that could definitely
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But I genuinely, I genuinely have affection.
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Okay.
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And that leads into it too.
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I don t know why I said sex, but the sex and affection thing.
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Cause like, dude, I guess I don t, if you re, you don t want to be actively referring to the person that you are dating as a narcissist.
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SPEAKER_00
That s, I don t think that s good.
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And you don t even need me to tell you any of that shit.
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You already know that.
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So, um, I m glad that you have things in your life that are making you happy, like your kid and art and whatnot.
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But I, I, I, I hate for you to settle.
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just because you don t wanna go back out there, you settle with somebody who you really don t like, because that s just gonna make your life, your life s gonna be way worse being with somebody who you refer to as a narcissist than being alone and jacking off.
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Jacking off, you know what?
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I m gonna say it, Will.
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I m gonna say it, and I know you know it, and I know the people out there know it.
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SPEAKER_00
I m gonna say it so that everyone can hear me pretty loudly.
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I m gonna say what the people won t say.
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Being alone and jacking off is kind of awesome.
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Okay.
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I feel like the ripples of that is going out into the universe right now.
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The ripples of that are indeed going out in the universe right now.
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That s what that moment of silence was.
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Um...
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Well, Will, what s the future look like for you?
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I believe my art is actually pretty good now, and I plan to pivot and doing more of the things that I want to do.
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You know, because I ve spent these 44 years pretty much pleasing everybody else.
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And I think it s, you know, it s time to do some self love and start doing some of the things that, you know, I kick ass at.
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SPEAKER_00
Good man.
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SPEAKER_00
Good.
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SPEAKER_00
It seems like, um, it seems like you re, you actually are of like really, you know, solid.
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SPEAKER_00
Pockets of your life that are keeping you well afloat, you know, I m glad you have a great relationship with your kid I m glad you feel confident in yourself.
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I feel like that s the most important thing.
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SPEAKER_00
What do you make art?
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What do you make art about?
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SPEAKER_01
All different kinds of things so I ve been doing a couple of landscapes I m starting to do some more like pop art and Yeah, I think I m gonna do a new painting pretty soon
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SPEAKER_01
I m thinking maybe like an Edgarette.
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Do you have an art Instagram that you want to share?
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SPEAKER_00
You don t have to if you don t want to.
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SPEAKER_01
Uh, I have one I actually started not too long ago.
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SPEAKER_01
It s uh, sure.
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SPEAKER_01
It s will.the.artist with an underscore.
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SPEAKER_00
Wow, I m surprised that wasn t taken.
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SPEAKER_00
Even with the underscores and dots and stuff.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
Here, I m going to go to it right now.
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SPEAKER_00
What is it again?
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SPEAKER_01
Will.the.artist with an underscore.
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SPEAKER_00
Artist and an underscore.
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SPEAKER_00
Okay.
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SPEAKER_00
Let s check this out.
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SPEAKER_00
Oh, all right.
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SPEAKER_00
We, there we go.
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SPEAKER_00
We got your, we got your first and last name.
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SPEAKER_00
That s out there.
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SPEAKER_00
Okay.
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SPEAKER_01
That s okay.
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SPEAKER_00
Is that cool with you?
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SPEAKER_00
I can bleep it out if it s not.
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SPEAKER_01
It s fine.
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SPEAKER_00
Okay.
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SPEAKER_00
I like this.
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SPEAKER_00
This looks pretty cool.
2
SPEAKER_00
Who s that?
2
SPEAKER_00
Is that David?
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SPEAKER_00
I m going to sound like an idiot.
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SPEAKER_00
That s not David.
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SPEAKER_00
Who s that with the guitar?
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it s Martin Gore.
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SPEAKER_00
Nice, man.
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SPEAKER_00
Who s this girl?
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SPEAKER_01
That is a girl I dated.
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SPEAKER_00
She looks cool.
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SPEAKER_00
And then this is, uh, floor plans to a Walmart.
2
SPEAKER_00
What is this?
2
SPEAKER_01
Uh, it s basically, uh, a role playing, uh, like map architectural map.
2
SPEAKER_00
You know what, Will, you got a good life.
2
SPEAKER_01
Thanks, man.
2
SPEAKER_00
Appreciate that.
2
SPEAKER_00
Hmm.
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, thanks for talking about all this stuff, man.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m glad.
2
SPEAKER_00
Do you have a real therapist that you talk to about these things?
2
SPEAKER_01
Unfortunately, no.
2
SPEAKER_01
I just kind of do the stoic male thing and just kind of like, this is life, you know?
2
SPEAKER_01
Could be worse.
2
SPEAKER_00
I do the stoic male thing and I talk to a guy in a gecko suit about it instead.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_01
As one does, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, thanks for calling, Will, and good luck to you in the future, man.
2
SPEAKER_00
And anything else you want to say to the people at the computer before we go?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, check out Alan Watts.
2
SPEAKER_01
He will start you on a good journey.
2
SPEAKER_00
Beautiful.
2
SPEAKER_00
Take care, man.
2
SPEAKER_00
Thanks for calling.
2
SPEAKER_00
All right, bud.
2
SPEAKER_00
Bye.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh crap, he said in the call screening notes that he met God.
2
SPEAKER_00
I didn t get to ask him about that.
2
SPEAKER_00
I wonder if he met God on Tinder.
2
SPEAKER_00
Is God a 37-year-old woman on OkCupid?
2
SPEAKER_00
He is.
2
SPEAKER_00
You know why?
2
SPEAKER_00
Because he s all of us.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t know, I don t know what I m saying.
2
SPEAKER_00
Thanks for calling, Will.
2
SPEAKER_00
Hello?
2
SPEAKER_00
Hello?
2
SPEAKER_02
What s up?
2
SPEAKER_02
Hey, is this Geck?
2
SPEAKER_00
Uh, yeah, man.
2
SPEAKER_00
How are you?
2
SPEAKER_02
I m all right.
2
SPEAKER_02
Uh, I m okay.
2
SPEAKER_02
I just, it s just wanted to come on here, you know, share some thoughts and whatnot.
2
SPEAKER_00
What kinds of thoughts and feelings would you like to share?
2
SPEAKER_02
So, uh, I ve been living with my brother for about a year now.
2
SPEAKER_02
And, uh, we, we moved out together.
2
SPEAKER_02
He s a, he s 24 and I m 20.
2
SPEAKER_02
And, uh,
2
SPEAKER_02
so it s just it s been it s been okay like you know we get along and everything and it s it s everything s fine there i pay rent he pays rent and all that but it s been a lot of times recently i just i feel like he s um how do i word this like he feels like i he s trying to have authority over me you know
2
SPEAKER_02
Like he s trying to...
3
SPEAKER_01
he s just trying to be the bigger person in every situation and just it s it s I don t I haven t really talked about it with anyone I don t know I ve never really put it to words I just I thought you were streaming and I thought this would be the chance to really get it out there so but it seems like he has like how old he s 24 and I m 20
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay, so he s trying- He s not that much older than me.
3
SPEAKER_00
Alright, so you both pay equal rent on the house, but he s still trying to, like, big time you.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it s really weird.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, it s like he took the role of our dad, like, as soon as we got out of the house.
3
SPEAKER_00
Is he- is he reminding you of your dad?
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, 100%.
3
SPEAKER_00
100% What things is he doing to alpha you around?
3
SPEAKER_01
That s a good way to put it alpha me around but He like So we have a weekly schedule of cleaning Where I do one week I do stuff and then he does the other stuff and the next week we switch, right?
3
SPEAKER_01
There s been times where he ll
3
SPEAKER_01
he ll tell me to, you know, do, he ll run down the schedule of like, of what s going on.
3
SPEAKER_01
And just so much like, it s the way he talks to me is just so talking down to me.
3
SPEAKER_01
And even when I do what I m supposed to do, cause I get everything usually done in like half hour, maybe an hour.
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, not everything, but like majority of what I m supposed to do.
3
SPEAKER_01
And he, he s like, there s no,
3
SPEAKER_01
How do I?
3
SPEAKER_01
Sorry.
3
SPEAKER_00
Let me ask you something.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
All right.
3
SPEAKER_00
This is clearly and I get this is a lot of times in arguments and shit where you just don t have fucking concrete examples and evidence, but you have the way you feel.
3
SPEAKER_00
I get that.
3
SPEAKER_00
I ve been there before.
3
SPEAKER_00
Have you told your brother about this shit?
3
SPEAKER_00
Have you had a conversation with him?
3
SPEAKER_01
I ve we ve argued about it where like I ll tell him like he s just like our dad and he gets so pissed but like the way he gets pissed is just like our dad.
3
SPEAKER_01
And he, he gets, he gets physical too.
3
SPEAKER_01
And that was much like our dad growing up.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
He hits me.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_00
Your brother s hitting you.
3
SPEAKER_01
He s hitting me.
3
SPEAKER_01
He s, he s, he s treating, he s treating me like our dad used to do.
3
SPEAKER_01
Um, my dad was an old school.
3
SPEAKER_01
He grew up, he was 50 when I was born.
3
SPEAKER_01
He grew up old school in the, in the seventies and eighties.
3
SPEAKER_01
And whenever he grew up, but he grew up, that s how he wouldn t talk.
3
SPEAKER_01
Our dad wouldn t talk much about how he grew up, but you know, that whole thing where you kind of, when you grow up and have kids, you, you sort of have patterns with when, how you were raised.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
So Matthew, you heard that.
3
SPEAKER_00
All right.
3
SPEAKER_00
So, so what you re, what you re getting at here is that your dad would fucking hit you and hit your brother.
3
SPEAKER_00
And now you re, now you re living with your brother and now your brother s hitting you.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
And you guys are, you guys are adults.
3
SPEAKER_00
You re 20 and 24.
3
SPEAKER_01
We re full on adults, full jobs and shit.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like I work as a plumber.
3
SPEAKER_01
I ve been doing it two years now.
3
SPEAKER_01
like it s a shitty job funny but uh but it pays the bills pays my half and I like your I like your way of um bringing levity into the situation with a joke yeah I I try to you know it could be worse I got it could be way worse but all right Matthew how long you been living with your brother for living with him for
3
SPEAKER_01
What is it?
3
SPEAKER_01
It s, uh, what month?
3
SPEAKER_01
It s July.
3
SPEAKER_01
So that d be a year and four months now.
3
SPEAKER_00
You re in four months.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_00
So it s been a year and four months.
3
SPEAKER_01
And we tried moving out.
3
SPEAKER_01
He moved out the second he hit graduation.
3
SPEAKER_01
He moved out.
3
SPEAKER_01
and did his, whatever he did.
3
SPEAKER_00
And so, so how many times over the course, how many times over the course of that year and four months does, did he, was he hitting you?
3
SPEAKER_01
It didn t, in the beginning it was fine.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, like the first, I d say like six months it was like, okay, you know, we d get into arguments.
3
SPEAKER_01
Brothers do that all the time.
3
SPEAKER_01
We d always, we re not like the closest brothers in the world, but we got along and Matthew,
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
How many times in the year and a half, in the year and four months did he hit you?
3
SPEAKER_01
I d say at least like once to twice a week.
3
SPEAKER_01
Once to twice a week?
3
SPEAKER_01
A week, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
Maybe there d be a week where he didn t, maybe there d be weeks where it d be more, but.
3
SPEAKER_00
All right, Matthew.
3
SPEAKER_00
And you haven t told, I m the first one you re telling about this.
3
SPEAKER_01
I pulled my cat.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay, Matt.
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, I want to say a few things.
3
SPEAKER_00
One, Matthew, you seem like a real nice, real sweet dude.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I m really, I feel bad because you had to, sounds like you had to go through this fucking twice because like, it sounds like your dad was not fucking super awesome.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then it was like, finally you re 18 and you can get out of the house.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then now you re living with a mini version of your dad.
3
SPEAKER_00
And like, bro, I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_00
I feel bad for your brother too, cause like, I m sure he, you know, is hurting as well.
3
SPEAKER_00
But like, at 24 years old, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta work out what the fuck is going on with you and not be taking it out on your little brother.
3
SPEAKER_00
Cause you seem like a nice guy.
3
SPEAKER_00
So, um,
3
SPEAKER_00
And you don t deserve, and also you re 20, you re making your own money, you should be allowed, you deserve to be able to live in a safe, chill place where you re not dealing with your brother being an asshole.
3
SPEAKER_00
So, I mean there s lots of things here that I m thinking about.
3
SPEAKER_00
I appreciate that man, that means a lot.
3
SPEAKER_00
Let s start with Gecko Solutions, and then I will refer you out to other solutions.
3
SPEAKER_00
But are you on a lease with this guy?
3
SPEAKER_00
Are you on a lease with him?
3
SPEAKER_01
No.
3
SPEAKER_01
The house isn t fully in his property.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, wait, so it s- It s fully in his name, too.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s in his name?
3
SPEAKER_00
So he owns it?
3
SPEAKER_01
It s in his name.
3
SPEAKER_01
He s letting me stay and pay half.
3
SPEAKER_00
Is he, so he bought it and you re helping him pay the mortgage?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Did he buy it or was it like a family thing?
3
SPEAKER_01
I m not too good at the house stuff.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s just, it s, it s a, wait, what?
3
SPEAKER_00
Did, did, did he buy it or did your dad give it to them?
3
SPEAKER_01
It s in our dad s name, but then now it s been moved to his name.
3
SPEAKER_01
Our dad passed away two years ago as well when I was, uh, just graduating.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m sorry to hear that, man.
3
SPEAKER_00
So your dad... That s what I was thinking.
3
SPEAKER_00
So your dad passed away and then gave the house to your brother.
3
SPEAKER_00
And in the will, he gave it specifically to your brother?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
3
SPEAKER_00
Have you ever, dude... Have you ever had like a lawyer help you out with this kind of shit?
3
SPEAKER_00
I have not.
3
SPEAKER_01
I have not looked into lawyers.
3
SPEAKER_01
But this conversation is starting to think that I need one.
3
SPEAKER_00
I ve never been too good about it.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m totally down to talk with you for a little bit more about this, but you absolutely should go talk to a lawyer because your brother could be doing some kind of like
3
SPEAKER_00
Shady shit where like maybe your dad actually left both because if your dad left you shit And your brother is just like if he s alpha and you were on the house and hitting you and shit You know it wouldn t I wouldn t it wouldn t be beyond me that he s you know taking ownership over this house that you know a percentage of could rightfully belong to you would you just Didn t have the resources to figure that shit out, and I feel for you.
3
SPEAKER_00
I know that getting a lawyer as a whole is
3
SPEAKER_00
expensive thing um all right so you pay you money isn t like you know and you re paying you re paying rent to your brother yes i m paying to help out the mortgage and it s uh
4
SPEAKER_01
Also like power and whatnot and none of it is and I pay Not that I know of none of it is in my name But like I Obviously I wasn t gonna be here forever.
4
SPEAKER_01
I just thought for the meantime, but it s been you know a year and six months now Where do you work?
4
SPEAKER_00
What s your what s your job?
4
SPEAKER_00
What s your job?
4
SPEAKER_01
Plumbing we go around, you know people call in, you know having trouble with leaks and whatnot and
4
SPEAKER_01
Uh, oh shit, what time is it here?
4
SPEAKER_01
It s 8.06.
4
SPEAKER_01
Do you have to go to work right now?
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t have to go to work.
4
SPEAKER_01
I have dinner reservations with a friend of mine that I haven t seen in a long time.
4
SPEAKER_01
And now that I think that we ve had this talk, I might bring this up with them.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
You should talk to people.
4
SPEAKER_00
I have a lot of questions for you, but let s, okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
So you, are you making decent money being a plumber?
4
SPEAKER_01
Um, it could be better, but like, it s not the worst.
4
SPEAKER_01
So like,
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay, I m okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m making it.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
All right, cuz I have some money and I have all that
4
SPEAKER_00
Bro, like, get the fuck out of that place first.
4
SPEAKER_00
Cause your brother sounds like he s just making life hell for you.
4
SPEAKER_00
And if you can afford it, go, you know, get, get with a roommate or if you can afford a fucking studio or one, I don t know where you live at or what you make or any of that stuff, but like, try to get a different housing situation.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then like,
4
SPEAKER_00
I mean, A, you probably have, you should talk, dude.
4
SPEAKER_00
Can I ask you a question?
4
SPEAKER_00
Why haven t you talked to anybody besides me about this?
4
SPEAKER_01
Honestly, it s more of a pride thing.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like, and I also just never had really been excusing it for a while at the same time too, so.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m gonna be late here in about 15 minutes.
4
SPEAKER_01
I really want to dude.
4
SPEAKER_01
I ve been waiting here like 45 minutes, but I don t want to miss his dinner at the same time.
4
SPEAKER_01
I do want to say thank you, man.
4
SPEAKER_01
I really appreciate this, and it s really nice talking to you.
4
SPEAKER_00
Swallow your pride.
4
SPEAKER_00
Go talk to a lawyer.
4
SPEAKER_00
Talk to your friends.
4
SPEAKER_00
Don t feel the need to be prideful about this, man.
4
SPEAKER_00
You re getting fucked over, and you re a nice guy, and you don t deserve that.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so you should go talk to a lawyer and explain everything you just told me.
4
SPEAKER_00
Go tell him and see what they can do for you.
4
SPEAKER_01
All right.
4
SPEAKER_01
I ll do that, man.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m gonna- I m gonna eat- I m gonna eat the shit out of this dinner for you, man.
4
SPEAKER_01
Alright, go eat the shit out of some dinner.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay, bye, Matthew.
4
SPEAKER_00
Alright, dude.
4
SPEAKER_00
Have a good night.
4
SPEAKER_00
You too.
4
SPEAKER_00
Damn, that poor fucking guy.
4
SPEAKER_00
I hope he talks to- I don t know, this is some shit where, like...
4
SPEAKER_00
You know, he- I m- I m too stupid to know what his options are in that, but... Almost certainly sounds like... His brother is doing some shady shit... With the will.
4
SPEAKER_00
Um... And even if he s not- Even- Even if the dad was like, I give everything to the brother... He s still got- He s still definitely got some case against this guy if he s, you know... Fuckin  assaulting him and... All that shit.
4
SPEAKER_00
So... Uh...
4
SPEAKER_00
Damn, I wish he could ve talked for longer.
4
SPEAKER_00
I have so many more questions, but... Man.
4
SPEAKER_00
I hope- I mean, if I was the first person that he talked to about this thing, I hope that it inspired him to talk to other people about it, because, like...
4
SPEAKER_00
That s the thing, right?
4
SPEAKER_00
Sometimes you don t even... Because he didn t... I don t even... Because A, when he mentioned pride, it was like, A, he s feeling prideful about it, and B, it s like, he might not even... Because he s not getting feedback from other people, he might not even be aware that, you know, things are fucked up.
4
SPEAKER_00
So hopefully he talks to his friend over dinner and it gives him a bigger perspective on this.
4
SPEAKER_00
But thanks for calling, Matthew, and good luck to you.
4
SPEAKER_00
Hello folks, it is me, Lyle.
4
SPEAKER_00
So about a month ago I was invited to do two live shows at the Electric Forest Music Festival in Rothbury, Michigan.
4
SPEAKER_00
And it was a lot of fun.
4
SPEAKER_00
And while I was there, I did some street interviews.
4
SPEAKER_00
On the festival grounds, I talked to a lot of people, and I m ending the podcast today by playing a little clip from those street interviews.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s an interview that I did with this girl who
4
SPEAKER_00
is basically like trying to figure out how to be a human being, having regular conversations with other people, which is something that, you know, I even struggle with a lot.
4
SPEAKER_00
I know that my whole job is having conversations with people, but that s just when I m in a gecko costume, you know, when I m in real life and I m at a store or something and I got to talk to someone, it s a whole,
4
SPEAKER_00
different thing but anyway this isn t about me and I m only recording this so that you guys aren t confused when once once normal non cell phone people are talking I hate introducing calls and interviews because it s like just let s just listen to the thing and it ll introduce
4
SPEAKER_00
itself.
4
SPEAKER_00
But anyway, I ll shut up and let us transport ourselves.
4
SPEAKER_00
You guys are going to like this interview.
4
SPEAKER_00
This is, I had a lot of, this was a good one.
4
SPEAKER_00
This was a good one.
4
SPEAKER_00
You should listen to it.
4
SPEAKER_00
Don t just stop listening because it s not a phone call.
4
SPEAKER_00
Sometimes you got to listen, you got to, all right, let s transport ourselves to the electric forest music festival in Rothbury, Michigan right now.
4
SPEAKER_00
What is your name?
4
SPEAKER_02
My name is Zoe.
4
SPEAKER_00
Zoe, nice to meet you.
4
SPEAKER_00
Nice to meet you.
4
SPEAKER_00
How is life?
4
SPEAKER_00
How s the human experience treating you?
4
SPEAKER_00
And give it to me straight, okay?
4
SPEAKER_02
It s difficult.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay, why is it difficult?
4
SPEAKER_02
I feel fundamentally different from a lot of people.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay, how so?
4
SPEAKER_02
I feel like other people just fit in a lot easier than I do.
4
SPEAKER_00
What does fit in even mean?
4
SPEAKER_02
I guess we accept it by general public.
4
SPEAKER_00
You feel not accepted by the general public.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
What aspects of you do you feel are not being accepted by the general public?
4
SPEAKER_02
I guess just socially.
4
SPEAKER_02
I feel like I interact a lot differently than a lot of people do.
4
SPEAKER_02
Um, I don t know really what it is.
4
SPEAKER_02
Um, but it feels, I don t know.
4
SPEAKER_02
I don t know how to describe it.
4
SPEAKER_02
It just, it just feels different and it always has.
4
SPEAKER_02
And
4
SPEAKER_02
I don t know how to articulate it.
4
SPEAKER_00
Do you have a lot of friends or family?
4
SPEAKER_02
I do have a very big family, but I don t have very many friends.
4
SPEAKER_00
Did you come here by yourself?
4
SPEAKER_02
No, no, no.
4
SPEAKER_02
I m with my boyfriend and his friends.
4
SPEAKER_02
You feel unaccepted.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s very sweet.
4
SPEAKER_00
Do you have a desire to fit in, or do you at this moment like yourself as you are?
4
SPEAKER_02
No, I do like myself.
4
SPEAKER_02
I just wish other people liked me for who I was.
4
SPEAKER_00
But it seems as though, I mean, your boyfriend, just Kay, seems like a sweet guy.
4
SPEAKER_00
He just came over, gave you a kiss, and he obviously likes you for exactly who you are.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so you have fundamental proof out there in the world that there are people out there who will accept you as you are.
4
SPEAKER_00
And not only will they accept you as you are, they will actually like you even more than they would, you know, anyone who might traditionally fit in.
4
SPEAKER_00
They might like you for the reasons that you, as you say, do not fit in.
4
SPEAKER_02
Right.
4
SPEAKER_00
Which is like a beautiful thing.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
You know?
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, the people that I have, I m very appreciative for.
4
SPEAKER_00
How did you meet your boyfriend?
4
SPEAKER_02
Um, we met at my work.
4
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_02
I was working at a restaurant and he came in for takeout.
4
SPEAKER_00
Really?
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_02
He thought I was cute so he asked for my number and I said sure because he didn t seem weird.
4
SPEAKER_02
And I went from there.
4
SPEAKER_00
You know, at least like, I don t know, talking to you in this situation, nothing about you has, I mean, I ve only known you for less than a minute.
4
SPEAKER_02
Right.
4
SPEAKER_00
But nothing about you has struck me as particularly off-kilter.
4
SPEAKER_02
i m i m glad to hear that i don t feel like i am either so it s strange to me that that i have been rejected in so many like sectors of my life genuine question to you as do you have as a if you ever considered that it might all be in your head uh... i have in my and might be it could be you said you were just for many different sectors yeah and in what senses and what was so like even when i was like
4
SPEAKER_02
It could also be that I moved around a lot when I was younger, so I never formed a steady friend group, which I think a lot of people have.
5
SPEAKER_00
I rotated through a lot of friend groups and I learned how people interact at a very young age.
5
SPEAKER_00
And not that there s anything wrong with looking out for yourself, but most people are very, and this isn t a bad thing, but most people are looking out for themselves more than they are for other people.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yes, that s true.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I am the opposite.
5
SPEAKER_00
I want everybody around me to be comfortable and to look out.
5
SPEAKER_00
I want to look out for everybody else.
5
SPEAKER_00
I want everybody else to be safe and to be comfortable and to be happy.
5
SPEAKER_02
I know it s funny, that whole thing about everybody s looking out for themselves and selfish, you can interpret that two different ways.
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SPEAKER_02
You can interpret that negatively and be like, oh everyone s so selfish and what does this world come to?
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SPEAKER_02
Or you can interpret it like, oh everybody only really cares about themselves so I can do whatever I want.
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SPEAKER_02
It doesn t matter if people judge me or reject me or any of these things because I don t really matter to them.
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SPEAKER_00
who gives a shit about judging me are you know any of that kind of thing that s true and i do flip-flop between those two like ideas and perspectives so like on days when i have i tend to have a lot of negative self-talk so on days when i have that negative self-talk it s like oh like everybody s just terrible and like why can t anybody care for me the way i would care for somebody else and then i realize like if they don t care about me in the same way that i care about them then
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SPEAKER_00
Why am I putting myself out of that like emotional energy So it s not even worth the worry and the anxiety and the sadness Absolutely
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SPEAKER_02
Do you, what s your dream in life?
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SPEAKER_00
What do you ultimately hope for?
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SPEAKER_00
My dream in life is to help other people not feel the way that I have felt.
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SPEAKER_02
And with your friends, like the friends that you came here with and your boyfriend, do you feel like you re doing that?
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SPEAKER_00
I try to.
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SPEAKER_00
I m not a perfect person and I definitely make mistakes.
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SPEAKER_00
No one is, yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
And I ve done a lot of work on myself to try to
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SPEAKER_00
be the best person that I can be, not only for myself, but for the people around me.
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SPEAKER_00
Because as I improve, my relationships with everybody around me improves.
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SPEAKER_00
Right.
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SPEAKER_02
See, that s an interesting thing you just said, right?
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SPEAKER_02
Because you said that you re oriented to make sure that everybody else is okay, to make sure.
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SPEAKER_02
But then also what you just said was you were like, when I focus on myself and I improve myself, it does have a positive impact on other people as well.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah, and I ve also realized as I go through life that the people, as I improve, if the people that I thought were my friends or close to me start to pull back a little bit, then those people weren t really there for me to begin with.
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SPEAKER_00
And it s hard for me to accept, and I think that s probably hard for anybody to accept.
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SPEAKER_00
And in a strange way, it does offer me a sense of comfort.
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SPEAKER_00
Like, well, then they can go find people who fit better in their lives than I do.
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SPEAKER_00
And I can find people who fit better in my life.
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SPEAKER_02
It seems like you have a very healthy perspective on all these things.
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SPEAKER_00
I try to.
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SPEAKER_00
It took a long time to get to that point.
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SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I have a lot of negative self-talk too.
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SPEAKER_02
I m trying to...
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SPEAKER_02
Push it out and be stoked.
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SPEAKER_00
It s hard.
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SPEAKER_00
It s hard to combat especially like for me I tend to like ruminate on thoughts and It s so easy to find that like one negative thing and just like focus on it for four days, right?
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SPEAKER_02
Right, right, but it s in your control, right?
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SPEAKER_02
Yeah, it s always yeah, so I fucking uh That s why I forget all the time
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SPEAKER_02
So, alright, for the rest of this weekend, you and me, we ll try to focus on the positive things.
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SPEAKER_00
I agree, I agree.
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SPEAKER_02
What is your name again?
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SPEAKER_00
My name is Zoe.
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SPEAKER_02
Zoe, is there anything else you want to say to the people at the computer before we go?
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SPEAKER_00
Sure.
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SPEAKER_00
I would like to say that I think everybody should focus not on themselves in a selfish way, because focusing on yourself is inherently selfish, but if you see areas of your life that you don t appreciate or maybe aren t working very well for you, you can control that and you can fix that.
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SPEAKER_00
And how you do that is up to you.
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SPEAKER_00
But if you don t like something, you can fix that.
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SPEAKER_00
It s not a personality trait.
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SPEAKER_00
It s not inherent to who you are as a human.
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SPEAKER_00
If you don t like it, change it.
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SPEAKER_02
And eat Cool Ranch Doritos.
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SPEAKER_02
They told me to say that.
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SPEAKER_00
Oh, okay.
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SPEAKER_02
Nice to meet you.
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SPEAKER_00
Nice to meet you as well.
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SPEAKER_00
Have a good one.
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SPEAKER_00
Thank you so much.
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SPEAKER_02
Hey folks, it s Lyle again.
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SPEAKER_02
If you enjoyed that little interview and you want to hear all of the interviews that I did at Electric Forest, you can go to youtube.com slash Lyle forever and look for being a gecko at Electric Forest or you can just find the link in the episode description.
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SPEAKER_02
Alright, thanks.
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SPEAKER_02
God bless ya.
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SPEAKER_01
Taking your phone calls every night.
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SPEAKER_01
Therapy kid goes to a ride.
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SPEAKER_01
He s teaching you how to live your life.
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SPEAKER_01
But he s not really an expert.