2
SPEAKER_03
 Jake Shetty video, like I just want my brother, like, and I'm like, this is me, like, but she has to say that to me.
2
SPEAKER_03
You know, in the beginning it used to irk me, now I find it cute and adorable.
2
SPEAKER_03
And then my wife, you're spot on, like, there was an interview that Robert Downey Jr.
2
SPEAKER_03
did and he talked about how, they were like, how do you stay humble?
2
SPEAKER_03
You're Iron Man, you built the Marvel universe.
2
SPEAKER_03
I mean, this guy's, you know, he's crushed it over the last few years with all the amazing movies he did.
2
SPEAKER_03
And he just said, he said, you know what, when I get home, you know, my kids are not like, oh my God, it's Iron Man, you know.
2
SPEAKER_03
 He was like, my wife's like, take the trash out.
2
SPEAKER_03
And he was just like, what you said, same thing.
2
SPEAKER_03
Like, you know, your family.
2
SPEAKER_03
And I think that's a beautiful thing.
2
SPEAKER_03
I think often, this is what I was sharing with a lot of my male friends.
2
SPEAKER_03
I said, especially as men, I think often we want our wives to validate us for what we achieve and not who we are.
2
SPEAKER_03
And we forget that they chose, my wife has been with me since I didn't have a job.
2
SPEAKER_03
And so my wife, my wife's parents took way better care than I did of her in the first,
2
SPEAKER_03
 three years of our marriage.
2
SPEAKER_03
And what I could offer her was far less than what her parents could offer her.
2
SPEAKER_03
But I think we forget that is we want to be validated for like being that singer or that athlete or being a speaker or like, can't you see I'm a number one New York Times best, like, but that you don't want to be loved for that.
2
SPEAKER_05
No, you're so right.
2
SPEAKER_05
I was thinking of that you said that I thought was really interesting.
2
SPEAKER_05
And I forgot to mention, I've had three great coaches, Trisha Nadoff and Spencer Holt and then Brendan Bruchard most recently.
2
SPEAKER_05
 I didn't realize you worked with him.
2
SPEAKER_03
I was just with him too.
2
SPEAKER_03
You're kidding me.
2
SPEAKER_03
I didn't realize that.
2
SPEAKER_03
So Brendan just, we're all part of the same mastermind and we just literally were with Brendan.
2
SPEAKER_03
Oh, that's amazing.
2
SPEAKER_03
For four days.
2
SPEAKER_05
I love Brendan.
2
SPEAKER_05
He helped me rediscover what it meant to be a leader again.
2
SPEAKER_05
Wow.
2
SPEAKER_05
And I think that's the gift that coaches can give you.
2
SPEAKER_05
 He does not dance around issues either.
2
SPEAKER_05
So he gave me some incredible feedback over time, but helped me get there on my own, which I love.
2
SPEAKER_05
Like we had so many fascinating conversations and he's been a true recent source of strength.
2
SPEAKER_03
Amazing.
2
SPEAKER_03
I love hearing that.
2
SPEAKER_03
Please tell me about the first two because I got excited about Brendan.
2
SPEAKER_05
Trisha is amazing.
2
SPEAKER_05
She is a little bit like bohemian.
2
SPEAKER_05
And I was at Madison Square Garden and struggling with all sorts of things personally and professionally.
2
SPEAKER_05
 And she had this big notion of like, you want to be a warrior?
2
SPEAKER_05
I'm like, yes, I want to be a warrior.
2
SPEAKER_05
She's like, no, no, Scott, Scott, Scott, sit down.
2
SPEAKER_05
I'm like, no, no, I do want to be.
2
SPEAKER_05
She's like, no, you want to hunt and kill.
2
SPEAKER_05
I'm like, right.
2
SPEAKER_05
And she's like, no, you need to grow.
2
SPEAKER_05
You need to go into that sage phase.
2
SPEAKER_05
I'm like, but I don't want to be a sage.
2
SPEAKER_05
Now I was 38, OK?
2
SPEAKER_05
And she said, well, you're going to have to get there.
2
SPEAKER_05
Because if you want to lead at an elite level, the reward isn't you anymore.
2
SPEAKER_05
 And that's where I am.
2
SPEAKER_05
I told her, I sent her notes every once in a while that I found it.
2
SPEAKER_05
And she always sends me funny ones back.
2
SPEAKER_05
But I now get my joy, my win, is seeing someone become a vice president for the first time or leave me and go run
2
SPEAKER_05
 an incredible company and be an extraordinary leader, or someone that goes and can change the world in their world, or someone who leaves me and goes and builds this incredible foundation and is changing things in the world, that is now my killer, my win.
2
SPEAKER_05
So I think, I hope she would say she's proud that I just didn't go at her pace.
2
SPEAKER_05
 But that always stuck in my mind.
2
SPEAKER_05
And I had some classic fight back and arguments and push back with her.
2
SPEAKER_05
And she, I remember her saying, Scott, you need to meditate.
2
SPEAKER_05
And like the sweetest, smartest, tough woman.
2
SPEAKER_05
And I'm like,
2
SPEAKER_05
 And I can't sit still for five seconds.
2
SPEAKER_05
Stop telling me to meditate.
2
SPEAKER_05
Help me with my job.
2
SPEAKER_05
And of course, I learned how to meditate over time, because I need to find stillness and peace.
2
SPEAKER_05
And it helps me sleep.
2
SPEAKER_05
It helps me go to sleep.
2
SPEAKER_05
It helps me live better.
2
SPEAKER_05
And so she was a wonderful source.
2
SPEAKER_05
And Spencer Holt, who's been a longtime friend as well, great guy, smart guy.
2
SPEAKER_05
 And he helped me on two transitions.
2
SPEAKER_05
And I think transitions are hard for people.
2
SPEAKER_05
I've been out of work, out of luck, and out of money.
2
SPEAKER_05
And I've been out of work and really comfortable.
2
SPEAKER_05
And I like the latter a lot better than the former.
2
SPEAKER_05
Of course.
2
SPEAKER_05
But when you go on these walkabouts in life, you have an opportunity to step back, see the world for what it is,
2
SPEAKER_05
 Reflect back on the decisions you made, why you made them, the impact they had, good and bad, the lessons you learned, the people you met, and you just have this overwhelming sense of gratitude for life, even the mistakes you made because they taught you such valuable lessons.
2
SPEAKER_05
And then you get to take all that in and look forward and say,
2
SPEAKER_05
 Why am I doing it?
2
SPEAKER_05
It was actually my wife.
2
SPEAKER_05
She's like, Scott, why do you do this?
2
SPEAKER_05
Because every time I leave a job, I'm like, I'm never doing this again.
2
SPEAKER_05
Every time.
2
SPEAKER_05
And she's like, OK, but why do you do what you do?
2
SPEAKER_05
I said, well, I want to help.
2
SPEAKER_05
I want to help develop the next generation of great leaders.
2
SPEAKER_05
And I want to build a platform so I can leave the world better than I found it.
2
SPEAKER_05
 And I want to help my church, quite frankly, grow.
2
SPEAKER_05
And so she's like, well, that's why you're in these platforms.
2
SPEAKER_05
I'm like, yes, that's why I'm in these platforms.
2
SPEAKER_05
And so that's why I keep signing up, you know, and I keep getting the rush and going through the pain and the fun and the exhilaration and the torture and all that together.
2
SPEAKER_05
 But it's these walkabouts, these years, like the year that you take off, that really gives you that freedom that most people don't have in life.
2
SPEAKER_05
And I know I'm blessed to have that opportunity to go do it.
2
SPEAKER_05
But that's the time I'm in now.
2
SPEAKER_05
And I feel like I'm fresh and different and in my version of a Zen state that I can actually see the world as it is.
2
SPEAKER_04
When the Taliban banned music in Afghanistan, millions were plunged into silence.
2
SPEAKER_04
 Radios were smashed.
2
SPEAKER_04
Cassettes burned.
2
SPEAKER_04
You could be beaten or jailed or killed for breaking the rules.
2
SPEAKER_04
And yet, Afghans did it anyway.
2
SPEAKER_04
This is the story of how a group of people brought music back to Afghanistan by creating their own version of American Idol.
2
SPEAKER_04
The danger they endured.
2
SPEAKER_00
They said my head should be cut off.
2
SPEAKER_04
 the joy they brought to the nation.
2
SPEAKER_00
You're free completely.
2
SPEAKER_00
No one is there to destroy you.
2
SPEAKER_04
I'm John Legend.
2
SPEAKER_04
Listen to Afghan Star on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
2
SPEAKER_01
 Hey everyone, this is Molly and Matt and we're the hosts of Grown Up Stuff How to Adult, a podcast from Ruby Studio and iHeart Podcasts.
2
SPEAKER_02
It's a show dedicated to helping you figure out the trickiest parts of adulting.
2
SPEAKER_01
 like how to start planning for retirement, creating a healthy skincare routine, understanding when and how much to tip someone, and so much more.
2
SPEAKER_02
We're back with season two of the podcast, which means more opportunities to glow up and become a more responsible and better adult, one life lesson at a time.
2
SPEAKER_01
And let me just tell you, this show is just as much for us as it is for you.
2
SPEAKER_01
So let's figure this stuff out together.
2
SPEAKER_01
This season, we're going to talk about whether or not we're financially and emotionally ready for dog ownership.
2
SPEAKER_02
 We're going to figure out the benefits of a high-yield savings account.
2
SPEAKER_01
And what exactly are the duties of being a member of the wedding party?
2
SPEAKER_02
All that plus so much more.
2
SPEAKER_01
Let's learn about all of it and then some.
2
SPEAKER_01
Listen to Grown Up Stuff How to Adult on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
2
SPEAKER_00
 A new season of Bridgerton is here.
2
SPEAKER_00
And with it, a new season of Bridgerton, the official podcast.
2
SPEAKER_00
I'm your host, Gabrielle Collins.
2
SPEAKER_00
And this season, we are bringing fans even deeper into the ton.
2
SPEAKER_00
Colin Bridgerton has returned from his travels abroad.
2
SPEAKER_00
Is Betrothal written in the stars for the eligible bachelor?
2
SPEAKER_00
Meanwhile, the ton is reverberating with speculation of who holds Lady Whistledown's pen.
2
SPEAKER_00
We're discussing it all.
2
SPEAKER_00
 I sit down with Nicola Coughlin, Luke Newton, Shonda Rhimes, and more to offer an exclusive peek behind the scenes of each episode of the new season.
2
SPEAKER_00
Watch season three of the Shondaland series on Netflix.
2
SPEAKER_00
Then, fall in love all over again by listening to Bridgerton, the official podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
2
SPEAKER_00
Subscribe to catch a new episode every Thursday.
2
SPEAKER_03
 I love that.
2
SPEAKER_03
I love that.
2
SPEAKER_03
And while you were sharing that, the thing I was thinking about was when you look at the sage versus the original mindset, as you, as you put it.
2
SPEAKER_03
Warrior, warrior.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, the warrior.
2
SPEAKER_03
And it's, it's like that hunt and kill changes to seek and grow.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_03
And seek and grow doesn't sound attractive.
2
SPEAKER_03
 Like when you want to be a warrior.
2
SPEAKER_03
Right.
2
SPEAKER_03
Like when you want to be a warrior, seek and grow.
2
SPEAKER_03
It's like a much rather hunt and kill, but we realize hunt and kill, if you even look at those words, they all lead to an end.
2
SPEAKER_03
It's terrible.
2
SPEAKER_03
They're aggressive.
2
SPEAKER_05
But when you went to become a monk at first, like what I was surprised when I was reading Think Like a Monk was that you had a struggle because
2
SPEAKER_05
 I know people see you as like, you know, it's like your sister's coming.
2
SPEAKER_05
Don't jay-shady on me.
2
SPEAKER_05
Like, okay, I have it all figured out.
2
SPEAKER_05
Like, I do this.
2
SPEAKER_05
I coach the stars.
2
SPEAKER_05
I, you know, have this incredible influence in podcasts.
2
SPEAKER_05
Like, is that something you anticipated and expected?
2
SPEAKER_05
Or did that surprise you when you were there and went through that struggle?
2
SPEAKER_03
 My whole life is a surprise to me.
2
SPEAKER_03
I'd say everything's been a surprise.
2
SPEAKER_03
I never thought I would become a monk.
2
SPEAKER_03
If someone told me two years ago before I became a monk, no, not two years ago, I'd say if someone told me, 18 I decided, 21, 22 I became a monk.
2
SPEAKER_03
So if someone told me at 16, Jay, one day you're going to be a monk, I would have
2
SPEAKER_03
 probably thrown a bottle of alcohol at them.
2
SPEAKER_03
Like, you know, like that's the state I would have been in because that's how I was at 16.
2
SPEAKER_03
And then when I became a monk, it was hard because living with that level of discipline isn't easy for anyone, especially just an average kid from London who's not grown up with that level of military style discipline, which is what a monastery is.
2
SPEAKER_03
 And then to leave it all to come back, I mean, I thought my life was over then.
2
SPEAKER_03
When I came back, I was just like, well, that's it, I guess.
2
SPEAKER_03
I guess I'm just going to figure out how to pay the bills and life's going to go on.
2
SPEAKER_03
Because all the feedback I had from everyone was just like, who cares that you are a monk?
2
SPEAKER_03
And what's that got to do with anything?
2
SPEAKER_03
And what transferable skills do you have?
2
SPEAKER_03
You can sit still and be silent.
2
SPEAKER_03
Like our company doesn't need that.
2
SPEAKER_03
And so
2
SPEAKER_03
 It was fear and insecurity and doubt at every step.
2
SPEAKER_03
And so today, when I get to do all the cool stuff you said, I just feel blessed every day and grateful.
2
SPEAKER_03
And of course, there's been strategy and there's been thought, of course, of course there has.
2
SPEAKER_03
But I'm saying that the initial seed of that.
2
SPEAKER_05
But when you were a monk.
2
SPEAKER_05
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_05
 And you're like, you know, they said like, no, you need to do X. And you're like, it felt like when I was reading your book, like sometimes you rolled your eyes like, oh, yeah, we go again.
2
SPEAKER_05
I did.
2
SPEAKER_05
I did.
2
SPEAKER_05
Because that's your version of the warrior phase, right?
2
SPEAKER_03
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_03
And I think I still have that.
2
SPEAKER_03
And that's partly why I had to leave.
2
SPEAKER_03
And what I've realized is that some of us
2
SPEAKER_03
 don't have it naturally, and some of us have to engage it for a higher purpose, to purify it.
2
SPEAKER_03
So not everyone can just give up.
2
SPEAKER_03
Like I'd say the rebel is very much a part of my DNA.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, I have some of that.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, I'm a rebel.
2
SPEAKER_03
Even more than a warrior, I'm a rebel.
2
SPEAKER_03
Warrior still feels like, I never wanted to beat anyone else.
2
SPEAKER_03
I'm just a rebel.
2
SPEAKER_03
I don't like going with the flow, and I want to go against the grain, and I think I know how to do things differently.
2
SPEAKER_03
 But that doesn't make me better or worse than anyone.
2
SPEAKER_03
I've always seen it as me.
2
SPEAKER_03
But I realized that I had to engage the rebel in the service of humanity to purify the rebel to try and aspire to be a sage.
2
SPEAKER_03
Whereas if you try and what was often called in the monk society as monkey renunciation.
2
SPEAKER_03
So what that means is monkey detachment is if you offer a monkey a banana, it will give you whatever it has.
2
SPEAKER_03
 And then if you offer it a credit card, it will trade you back the banana.
2
SPEAKER_03
And if you give it, so the monkey will keep swapping with you because it doesn't really know what it wants and it doesn't matter.
2
SPEAKER_03
It will just give it up without thinking about it.
2
SPEAKER_03
And as humans, sometimes we feel forced to give up who we are as opposed to saying, well, let me engage this and use my skills to help people.
2
SPEAKER_03
Like it's like you saying, all right, I'm just going to go off and become a monk at 38 instead of building what you've built and now getting to have the impact through your book, your work, the Mozambique work that you get to have.
2
SPEAKER_03
 That's your journey.
2
SPEAKER_03
You know, when I sit down with, there were teachers like, there was a point where the Beatles, there were members of the Beatles that wanted to become monks.
2
SPEAKER_03
And their teachers told them, your journey is to make spiritual music.
2
SPEAKER_03
 Like your identity is to share the message of God through your music.
2
SPEAKER_03
Your destiny is not to become a monk.
2
SPEAKER_03
You're gonna rob millions of people of the impact that you could have.
2
SPEAKER_03
And that's the same with you.
2
SPEAKER_03
If you traded it.
2
SPEAKER_03
Does that make sense?
2
SPEAKER_03
Yes, absolutely.
2
SPEAKER_03
Perfectly said.
2
SPEAKER_03
So for me, it's been that journey of purifying my impurities by giving them in service or trying to use them for something better than yourself.
2
SPEAKER_03
So that's always been the philosophy or the,
2
SPEAKER_03
 of the monkhood that I studied in, which was don't force people to change who they are and become someone they're not.
2
SPEAKER_03
Get them to use who they are for helping and serving others, and the world will become a special place.
2
SPEAKER_05
All right, so there's this concept in the book called WMI, what's most important.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yes, I love it.
2
SPEAKER_05
Yeah, let's talk about it.
2
SPEAKER_05
And Brendan says that, it's Brendan Bouchard, he says that high performers spend 65% of their time on the three things that matter most at work.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_05
OK, so I broaden that a little bit, and I say, like, work, yes, we should talk about work, but what about
2
SPEAKER_05
 your home, like what matters most to you at home?
2
SPEAKER_05
What about your relationships?
2
SPEAKER_05
What are those three key relationships?
2
SPEAKER_05
And then at work, what are those three things that matter?
2
SPEAKER_05
And I went through the audit.
2
SPEAKER_03
I love the audit.
2
SPEAKER_05
Oh, it's so painful.
2
SPEAKER_05
Okay, so you take your calendar and then you map, okay, where am I spending my time?
2
SPEAKER_05
And the reason I add the personal stuff is because, especially with COVID,
2
SPEAKER_05
 The line between work and home and home and work, or work home and church, or work home and play, it's all the same.
2
SPEAKER_03
Totally.
2
SPEAKER_05
It's just like life.
2
SPEAKER_05
And so we have to be more disciplined, we have to be more organized, and we have to learn the magic word of no, which is very hard for me because I'm a people pleaser.
2
SPEAKER_05
 But I go through my audit, and I'm at 23%.
2
SPEAKER_05
And I was embarrassed to tell him.
2
SPEAKER_05
I got in, and I just buried it.
2
SPEAKER_05
But then I just asked myself, I said, OK, I got a choice.
2
SPEAKER_05
23% at home.
2
SPEAKER_05
No, 23% of my calendar was spent on what I said was most important.
2
SPEAKER_03
Got it, got it.
2
SPEAKER_05
Instead of 65%, which is what he said.
2
SPEAKER_05
OK?
2
SPEAKER_05
That's not great.
2
SPEAKER_05
I literally am talking to myself, and I'm saying, OK, I need to change what's on this paper.
2
SPEAKER_05
 or change the way I do.
2
SPEAKER_05
So my question for you is, how do you, with all the demands on your time and pulls, because I imagine you could speak anywhere you want and whenever you want.
2
SPEAKER_05
You probably get 30 calls a week to go speak somewhere.
2
SPEAKER_05
You could do TV.
2
SPEAKER_05
You could do a whole bunch of things.
2
SPEAKER_05
How do you focus on what's most important to you?
2
SPEAKER_03
I fail all the time.
2
SPEAKER_03
 That's the honest answer.
2
SPEAKER_03
It's so hard.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, it's so hard, isn't it?
2
SPEAKER_03
I agree with you.
2
SPEAKER_03
It's so hard to say no, because I feel like there's so many transitions.
2
SPEAKER_03
So let's talk about those transitions and why it's hard to say no, because I think everyone can relate to this.
2
SPEAKER_03
And why don't we do one each?
2
SPEAKER_03
You tell me why you think it's hard to say no, and I'll tell you why I think it's hard to say no.
2
SPEAKER_03
So I'll start, and then we'll go back and forth.
2
SPEAKER_03
I think one of the reasons why it's hard to say no is because at one point in time, that would have been something you died for.
2
SPEAKER_03
 some of the opportunities I have today that come my way, that I have the, now the opportunity to say no to, at one point in time, I would have begged to have had that opportunity.
2
SPEAKER_03
So you feel a sense of guilt.
2
SPEAKER_03
You feel a sense of responsibility.
2
SPEAKER_03
You feel a sense of, am I ungrateful?
2
SPEAKER_03
Am I now becoming, you know, do I think I'm too good for my, like, I think I go through that.
2
SPEAKER_03
Does that make sense?
2
SPEAKER_03
That's an internal struggle.
2
SPEAKER_05
I would say one for me is that I feel like
2
SPEAKER_05
 I can help people.
2
SPEAKER_05
And for me to not help, it feels like a tug on everything that I say I stand for.
2
SPEAKER_05
And so what's simple for me might be really hard for somebody.
2
SPEAKER_05
And so to say no, it's counter to who I aspire to be.
2
SPEAKER_03
 Yeah, I love that.
2
SPEAKER_03
I love that one.
2
SPEAKER_03
And I think a lot of people can relate to that.
2
SPEAKER_03
I can definitely relate to that.
2
SPEAKER_03
I feel like I'm like, it's only 10 minutes of my time.
2
SPEAKER_03
I can make a difference to someone, it's worth it.
2
SPEAKER_03
Another reason why I struggle to say no, I'd say is apart from your one, which I agree with too.
2
SPEAKER_03
Another reason internal struggle of why I struggle to say no is because I do want to be liked.
2
SPEAKER_03
 Or make someone happy.
2
SPEAKER_03
It's the same thing.
2
SPEAKER_03
But you do want to be liked.
2
SPEAKER_03
And I have to monitor this.
2
SPEAKER_03
And that's what I'm saying.
2
SPEAKER_03
The reason why I'm sharing these with everyone listening is because if you haven't articulated them, it means you're not aware of them.
2
SPEAKER_03
And so if you haven't put it down on a piece of paper and you haven't written down why you struggle to say no, you don't know why you don't say no.
2
SPEAKER_05
So I literally said, I just finally said,
2
SPEAKER_05
 I'm gonna eliminate informational interviews.
2
SPEAKER_05
Okay, now it's like the kid that comes in and it's your friend's son or nephew or the cousin of so-and-so and I just don't, I'd said no.
2
SPEAKER_05
And for me, can you imagine like your best friend calls you and is like,
2
SPEAKER_05
 It's my son.
2
SPEAKER_05
No, no, I'll get him to somebody.
2
SPEAKER_05
Can't you spend 10 minutes?
2
SPEAKER_05
I'm like, no, I can't.
2
SPEAKER_05
And that to me was awful.
2
SPEAKER_05
It's awful.
2
SPEAKER_03
The feeling's awful because I love him.
2
SPEAKER_03
I'm really opined right now.
2
SPEAKER_03
No, it's awkward.
2
SPEAKER_05
And so now, on my walkabout, my constraint is no longer time, which I'm sure for you is impossible right now.
2
SPEAKER_05
But your constraint is time.
2
SPEAKER_05
 And mine is not anymore.
2
SPEAKER_03
So I'm actually- And I'll ask you a question.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, I'll ask you a question.
2
SPEAKER_03
I'm rethinking like- So with me, it's not necessarily the most- And I've made some mistakes on this.
2
SPEAKER_03
So I'll say professionally, I made some mistakes on this because I was constantly trying to outsource the only thing I was able to do.
2
SPEAKER_03
 And that was something that I probably spent too much money on in 12 months on where I was constantly trying to hire for what is my superpower.
2
SPEAKER_03
And I was hoping that I could find someone to do that so I could do more superpower stuff.
2
SPEAKER_03
But I kept trying to find someone.
2
SPEAKER_03
I kept hiring someone.
2
SPEAKER_03
And no matter how much I paid and where we looked and whatever we did, I realized it wasn't possible to outsource that specific skill.
2
SPEAKER_03
 And I finally owned it and I said, well, I need to do that for myself.
2
SPEAKER_03
So I actually didn't make a lot of mistakes on that.
2
SPEAKER_03
But going back to your question, I see as the three most important things, but I see them in order.
2
SPEAKER_03
So- Ooh, I like that.
2
SPEAKER_03
Like chronological?
2
SPEAKER_03
Correct.
2
SPEAKER_03
Priority.
2
SPEAKER_03
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_03
So we had a set of rules in the monastery, which I still completely connect with.
2
SPEAKER_03
And the three words, a couple of them are Sanskrit, one of them is English, but it was health,
2
SPEAKER_03
 Sadhana, Seva.
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SPEAKER_03
These were three words, and it was always in that order.
2
SPEAKER_03
So it was considered these are the three most important things.
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SPEAKER_03
And the good thing is you can't do one before you finish the other one.
2
SPEAKER_03
That's the rule.
2
SPEAKER_05
That's great.
2
SPEAKER_03
And so the rule is health is first.
2
SPEAKER_03
And that includes your physical, mental, and spiritual health.
2
SPEAKER_03
And you gave beautiful examples of how to do that.
2
SPEAKER_03
So before you have moved in the morning, you can't do any of the others.
2
SPEAKER_03
So if you haven't done your yoga, you haven't done your tennis, you haven't done your workout, whatever it is, you can't do anything else.
2
SPEAKER_03
You're just not allowed.
2
SPEAKER_03
Right.
2
SPEAKER_03
 Because without you being of health, without you being of everything you mentioned already, who are you going to serve?
2
SPEAKER_03
What energy are you giving them?
2
SPEAKER_03
You haven't even got your own mind right.
2
SPEAKER_03
How are you going to inspire a young man, no matter how, whatever you have, or a young woman?
2
SPEAKER_03
The second thing was sadhana.
2
SPEAKER_03
Sadhana was your personal rituals and practices.
2
SPEAKER_03
 your personal eating of yourself.
2
SPEAKER_03
Like when you were going out in Mozambique, you can't build a school if you haven't worked on your own fitness and you haven't eaten a meal, how long are you gonna last?
2
SPEAKER_03
So the second thing was, once you've made sure your body and mind are right, have you prepared your soul?
2
SPEAKER_03
Exactly as you said, have you prepared your consciousness?
2
SPEAKER_03
I should have been a monk.
2
SPEAKER_03
Have you prepared, yeah, you should have basically.
2
SPEAKER_03
You should have been a teacher.
2
SPEAKER_03
Have you prepared your intention?
2
SPEAKER_03
And the final savor is service, that's the final.
2
SPEAKER_03
 Giving to others is the final, not that it's the least important, it's the most important.
2
SPEAKER_03
If you look at any tree around you, if it wasn't watered properly, if it wasn't taken care of properly, you look up, it's got no fruits.
2
SPEAKER_03
What fruits are you giving to people?
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SPEAKER_03
You're giving people rotten fruits.
2
SPEAKER_03
 And that's where you start.
2
SPEAKER_03
So it's not that service is the least important.
2
SPEAKER_03
It's the most important.
2
SPEAKER_03
And therefore, you ought to water the roots well.
2
SPEAKER_03
So for me, that's how I think about what's most important is by first taking care of the first two so that the third can be done to its best.
2
SPEAKER_03
But don't say yes to an opportunity for the third before you've done the first two.
2
SPEAKER_03
Does that make sense?
2
SPEAKER_05
 It makes so much sense.
2
SPEAKER_05
It reminds me of this story.
2
SPEAKER_05
There's this tree, Tree of Tenere.
2
SPEAKER_05
Have you ever heard of it?
2
SPEAKER_03
No, I haven't.
2
SPEAKER_03
OK.
2
SPEAKER_05
Sahara Desert, this tree lives to be 350 years old.
2
SPEAKER_05
It used to be a wooded area, but then the climate changed and became a desert.
2
SPEAKER_05
And only one tree survived, the Tree of Tenere.
2
SPEAKER_05
And the roots went down hundreds of feet into this little watering hole.
2
SPEAKER_05
And then, unfortunately, like, it was on maps because it was the one tree, you know, hundreds of miles around.
2
SPEAKER_05
And a driver came with a truck and hit it and knocked it over.
2
SPEAKER_05
And that was it for the tree.
2
SPEAKER_05
 And then I always contrast that with Pando, and Pando is the second largest living organism in the world.
2
SPEAKER_05
80,000 trees, it's in Utah in the US, 80,000 trees, and it's been around for 70,000 years.
2
SPEAKER_05
So here's one tree, okay, that can survive for 350 years in ridiculous conditions.
2
SPEAKER_05
And I would say like, that's incredible.
2
SPEAKER_05
But then one driver out, done, see you later, sayonara.
2
SPEAKER_05
 Now with 70,000 trees and they share a common root system.
2
SPEAKER_05
I always think about that.
2
SPEAKER_05
When you were saying that, I just kept thinking Pando, Pando, Pando, kept going through my head because we need each other and we need people and we need to connect.
2
SPEAKER_05
And that to me is like, you know, that is the secret sauce today.
2
SPEAKER_05
In a world where isolation is our kryptonite,
2
SPEAKER_05
 the connectivity of roots, and the connectivity of people, and how you, Jay Shetty, are able to bring us together through a common language.
2
SPEAKER_05
And that, you're monks, three-step process, I mean, it's pure, it's genius, and it's so intuitive.
2
SPEAKER_03
 Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_03
It's brilliant.
2
SPEAKER_03
And even what you're writing about in the book, what you just said, you today have more of a luxury of time in your life today.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_03
Obviously, that wasn't how it was at all.
2
SPEAKER_03
I do not have a luxury of time.
2
SPEAKER_03
And at this current stage in my life, as a monk, I did more so for sure.
2
SPEAKER_03
What I've realized is time is the wrong metric and the wrong divisible.
2
SPEAKER_03
So we divide our life by time.
2
SPEAKER_03
 We say, okay, I need time with my family, I need time with my partner, I need time with Scott, I need time with this, I need time with that.
2
SPEAKER_03
And I realized a few years ago, no one wanted my time.
2
SPEAKER_03
 Everyone wanted my presence and everyone wanted my energy.
2
SPEAKER_03
So if I could give 10 minutes of my time, but 100% of my energy, that's what someone wanted.
2
SPEAKER_03
And I started changing how I looked at it, looking at the ratio of my energy versus my time.
2
SPEAKER_03
I love that.
2
SPEAKER_03
And saying, how much time can I give at 100% energy?
2
SPEAKER_03
And sometimes the time went down to 60 seconds.
2
SPEAKER_03
 And that was fine, because I realized that people would rather have 100% of my energy than 1% of my energy and 100% of my time.
2
SPEAKER_03
Giving someone an hour, being on my phone all the time, as you were saying when you got with your friends, no one wants that.
2
SPEAKER_03
No one wants to see me and you both on our phones right now and have a couple of questions about your book.
2
SPEAKER_03
People want to hear us have presents.
2
SPEAKER_03
 That's why I say be where your feet are and not balance.
2
SPEAKER_05
How do I find balance?
2
SPEAKER_05
Let's totally destroy balance.
2
SPEAKER_05
It's the first question I get, particularly with young people.
2
SPEAKER_05
I talk to high school kids or college kids.
2
SPEAKER_03
I can't believe kids are asking that question.
2
SPEAKER_05
Everyone.
2
SPEAKER_03
That's worrying.
2
SPEAKER_03
Everyone.
2
SPEAKER_05
How do I find balance?
2
SPEAKER_05
I'm like, get to work.
2
SPEAKER_05
But I literally say, I think about my life.
2
SPEAKER_05
 And I think about home.
2
SPEAKER_05
Well, how do you have such a good, strong relationship?
2
SPEAKER_05
You seem focused on your faith and your family and work, and how do you do it?
2
SPEAKER_05
I was like, hey, here's the thing, okay?
2
SPEAKER_05
Let's talk about life.
2
SPEAKER_05
Let's talk about real life.
2
SPEAKER_05
Not, you know, the Huxtables on TV.
2
SPEAKER_05
Let's talk about real, real life, okay?
2
SPEAKER_05
Here's what real life looks like for me.
2
SPEAKER_05
 I get up in the morning, it's chaos.
2
SPEAKER_05
I call it the NCAA tournament.
2
SPEAKER_05
We're just surviving in advance.
2
SPEAKER_05
We are trying to get out the door without a nuclear meltdown.
2
SPEAKER_05
You borrowed my shirt, I can't find my, you didn't charge my computer, all that crap.
2
SPEAKER_05
The girls go to school, okay?
2
SPEAKER_05
How many meaningful moments can I have at that point?
2
SPEAKER_05
How about zero?
2
SPEAKER_05
I have to be okay with that because it's not happening, okay?
2
SPEAKER_05
One can't get out of bed, the other one's up at five in the morning.
2
SPEAKER_05
I mean, it is, you know, it's chaos.
2
SPEAKER_05
 Then I go to work, they go to school.
2
SPEAKER_05
They've got cheerleading, they've got basketball, they've got boyfriends, which we do not want to talk about ever.
2
SPEAKER_05
We have homework, I have work, I have events.
2
SPEAKER_05
We come home.
2
SPEAKER_05
 They, how much time, talk about energy.
2
SPEAKER_05
How do I be present?
2
SPEAKER_05
How much time do you have?
2
SPEAKER_05
45 minutes?
2
SPEAKER_05
Your family, the people you say you love most, that matter most in your life, an hour?
2
SPEAKER_05
Two hours and you're the luckiest person in the world.
2
SPEAKER_05
So what are you gonna do with that one hour?
2
SPEAKER_05
And I say, let's create some meaningful moments.
2
SPEAKER_05
Let's create a memory.
2
SPEAKER_05
Let's have a real conversation.
2
SPEAKER_05
And by the way, what's great today, there's so many things to talk about.
2
SPEAKER_05
The world is falling apart.
2
SPEAKER_05
 We have social unrest.
2
SPEAKER_05
We have challenges to the core of faith and the church in this country.
2
SPEAKER_05
We have the education system.
2
SPEAKER_05
We have a political system that's a complete adventure.
2
SPEAKER_05
We can become global citizens.
2
SPEAKER_05
We have all these topics that we can talk to our children.
2
SPEAKER_05
Or you know what we can do?
2
SPEAKER_05
Write them a love letter.
2
SPEAKER_05
Or you know what we can do?
2
SPEAKER_05
 tell them three things you really want them to remember.
2
SPEAKER_05
Or you know what we could do?
2
SPEAKER_05
Tell them everything you ever want to tell them but haven't spent the time yet.
2
SPEAKER_05
Because those moments are what they will remember and will matter.
2
SPEAKER_05
Go on a family walk.
2
SPEAKER_05
Oh, it took an hour.
2
SPEAKER_05
And we actually left our phones in the house and we went to go walk for 45 minutes.
2
SPEAKER_05
That time, that's what we have to protect.
2
SPEAKER_05
 That's what we have to put our energy and effort on.
2
SPEAKER_05
That's where our attention should go.
2
SPEAKER_05
This notion of balance, what are we gonna do?
2
SPEAKER_05
Sit around watching reruns or binging on Netflix or sitting around watching a show, typing on our iPads, messing around on our phone and eating licorice, okay?
2
SPEAKER_05
Because that's what life looks like.
2
SPEAKER_05
 But like me, it's like, be present.
2
SPEAKER_05
I love the notion of energy over time.
2
SPEAKER_05
I'm going to steal that.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, no, it's been game changing for me.
2
SPEAKER_03
Obviously, I don't have children yet, so I'll have to come take notes from you.
2
SPEAKER_03
My wife and I, one of the things we did, especially as things were taking off for me, I started a new routine with her where every 30 days,
2
SPEAKER_03
 I realized that the notion of what you just said, if you're lucky, you have two hours a day to spend with the people you love the most.
2
SPEAKER_03
And that's the same with me.
2
SPEAKER_03
When I was putting in the work and I was working 18 hours a day to build everything that we have today, I didn't have that luxury of time with her.
2
SPEAKER_03
So every 30 days, we would take three days
2
SPEAKER_03
 And we'd go away together somewhere three hours away from where we live.
2
SPEAKER_03
We'd pack the car, drive up, get a bed and breakfast, get an Airbnb, get a small motel, hotel, whatever you could afford.
2
SPEAKER_03
And we'd be there for two nights and three days.
2
SPEAKER_03
And we would lock our phones in the safe.
2
SPEAKER_03
 And we just spent time together.
2
SPEAKER_05
That's wonderful.
2
SPEAKER_03
And I realized that doing those three days every month had a bigger impact on our relationship than if we sat in front of the TV every day for two hours.
2
SPEAKER_05
Oh, I love that.
2
SPEAKER_03
It just didn't compare because of what you just said.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_03
That making a memory, making an experience,
2
SPEAKER_03
 That's what we all want in life.
2
SPEAKER_03
No one's going to count and be like, Dad, I know you spent 10 hours with me this week.
2
SPEAKER_03
No one's counting that.
2
SPEAKER_03
No one's keeping a clock of that.
2
SPEAKER_03
But my wife remembers, oh, remember that weekend we went to Spalm Springs?
2
SPEAKER_03
Or remember when we went to Temecula and we rode those e-bikes around for the whole day?
2
SPEAKER_03
Or do you remember when we went up and we went to Santa Barbara and we just walked on the beach?