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I read about this too, and apparently she s from India.
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Afterwards, they found out, and she goes, you know, and she went, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na.
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We can cut that.
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We can cut that.
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No, I love it.
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People like disorganized hair.
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That is bed head.
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And I last I heard the ladies like, you know, the guy, the guy from the bear, Jeremy Allen White has curls and messy hair.
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And I hear it s all the rage, David.
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Well, first of all, the rain is doing a number on it.
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Yeah, we started, we re starting with my hair.
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It s not rain.
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It s so flippy.
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Look at that, though, Dana.
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Well, first of all, I got distracted because you said rain.
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I don t understand.
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You mean the atmospheric river?
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I know rain is kind of so 2013.
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You know what?
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No one cares when they have weather porn.
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Rain gets no views.
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You have to say atmospheric.
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a cloudburst or river or oceanic.
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Let s go for a drive.
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I hear places are flooding.
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Pineapple Express, I m getting inside, bitch.
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That s what it is at the Pineapple Express.
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I know.
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So anyway, my hair, look at this side, Dana, I claim and I will go to the wall that s saying this is still blonde and it s fucking gray, that hair.
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It s so swoopy today.
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God dang.
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Welcome to getting older.
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I use my Zoom like a mirror.
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Your hair is going to turn a lot blonder as your seventh decade approaches.
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Fuck off.
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Listen, here s the deal, Dana.
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We have the laughers in the garage this time, and I think it helps.
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But they re only going to laugh at the quality stuff.
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The Professional Laughers Union sent us a nasty email.
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What are you doing?
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Do they have a break?
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Do they have dues?
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And do they have beverages?
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So we created a nice environment.
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They re in a secured location.
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And they re not laughing because they re paid to, they re laughing because they find it funny.
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Right?
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That s the dream.
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I don t know.
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Is that what it is?
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You know, I have to tell you, Dana, this is our second podcast.
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And when I heard what we were getting for the podcast, I thought it was one episode.
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And then I realized we have two and then I realized we have a whole season.
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So it s not as much as I thought, actually.
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Right.
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We have a very good parent company.
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It went through bankruptcy and it s really good.
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That might get trimmed.
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Let s hear about your weekend, Dana.
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I rarely have these Zoom stand-up dates for a company, but I had one late last night.
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I went on at like 11 o clock.
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So I m standing in this room.
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Did you really go that late?
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Wow.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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Standing in this room like this, I m standing up, what s up?
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I can t see or hear anybody.
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And I m just doing jokes and stand up for like a half hour.
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Yeah.
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God, I think I did one of those.
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It s tough.
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Comedy waterboarding.
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Actually, I had the CEO.
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Yeah.
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It s like you re drowning.
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You can t see anything.
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I had the CEO prompt me and he was great and kind of a cheerleader.
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Let s go, everybody.
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Come on.
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That s funny.
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You know.
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Oh, he made his constituents laugh.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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And dance and sing a lot of energy because they were going to get dinner after me.
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And it was like 11 o clock at night.
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So between a nice cocktail and a roast beef sandwich was me with my shenanigans.
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But I still crushed.
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Sometimes at the end of a corporate gig, they go after your eight hour meeting.
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Before you go get food, everyone s like, ah, ah.
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And they go, we have a surprise.
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They go, oh, no, no, no, no, no.
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And they go, David Spade.
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And I come out, yeah, da, da, da, da, da.
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And they go, fuck, they re counting down the seconds till they get their beef stew.
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And they were like, oh.
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When you do these gigs, do you do impressions or straight stand-up?
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Oh, don t, I just, no impressions of the best quick and fast.
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I just did a quick, I started with Biden cause the borders all the rage now, everyone s crazy for the border.
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So I did Biden, uh, three years ago and he s at a press conference, you know, Mr. President, uh, do you have any idea of how are you going to handle the crisis at the border?
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And Biden s like, first of all, let s get our facts straight.
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There s no crisis at the border.
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Come on.
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And he goes, how do you know, sir?
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He goes, cause it says so on the piece of paper.
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Come on.
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They just handed me says, uh, paper says a paper right there.
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I close.
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And then recently everyone wants to close the border.
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Everyone s screaming, binds up there.
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I ll close the border harder than anyone s ever closed the border.
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I know how to close borders.
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Come on, Jack.
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But the press is like, but last time, get your facts straight.
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I ll beat you the hell out of you.
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Will your dog pace phone his shoulder.
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Come on.
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Let s do some pushups.
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I ll close the border.
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Like nobody s ever closed it.
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The bread, the border, the border patrol, the board border.
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Can t believe it s not butter.
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That s a good ending.
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I got triple locked, throw away the key.
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Now I do.
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Hunter is the only one who can understand his dad totally all the time.
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Hey dad, what s up?
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Yeah, I ll go have dinner with you in time.
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6.30?
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7 it is, dad.
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I ll see you then.
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Don t get mad.
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Cheesecake factory.
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We ate there last night.
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Well, they could say Hunter is an interpreter and it would probably make more sense to give him money.
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Yes.
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I like Hunter.
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I have to say there there s something about him.
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I don t think anyone s having more fun on the planet based on the videos and stuff.
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He s always he s got a G string, a whip.
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He s naked.
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He just seems to really be killing it on the planet.
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I mean, he has a lot of fun.
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I know.
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I look at that.
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I m like, I never put ice cream on my wiener.
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What am I doing wrong?
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This guy s living life.
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And he s got girls naked everywhere and he s just always in his underpants.
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I m going, when does he get time to do art?
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How did you notice ice cream on the wiener?
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I don t know how many times you ve seen these videos.
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You have to slow it down.
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Yeah.
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So my weekend wasn t as fun.
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I did fly.
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I did a gig.
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I m on tour.
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So I did fly, but it was the first time on a 737 that they recalled from the Alaska flight.
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And, you know, Dana, I looked up, which made me nervous because
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because when I looked up the flight, when that door flew off, these people were dead silent.
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There s a video, everyone s just quiet.
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I don t think I could contain it.
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First of all, the noise of my diarrhea flying out the window would have been a little noisy, but also I think that s free reign to wail on your call button in that situation.
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Bong, bong, bong, bong, bong.
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Hey, I don t wanna be a pest.
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Was there a door when I got on?
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Because I don t even look anymore, but I m just, it s usually just given that there is a huge door that s shut.
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And then the people on the way back, they said they didn t even know what was happening.
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It was just so windy.
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They re like, this fucking blower.
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Is it still going?
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There s my necklace.
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There s my baby.
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God damn.
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Turn it off.
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So when I get on now, I just take it.
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I think I recommend everyone have a little tire gun.
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You can get them on SkyMall.
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And then you go in.
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Right.
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And then when no one s looking, you just walk by the door and feel a bit of you.
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It s got a little give.
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Make it flush.
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Hit the wing while you re there.
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You know, I love that effect because it s a whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
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Let me see.
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SPEAKER_02
Thanks.
1
Yeah.
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Everything goes right out.
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I always assume the door is going to fly open.
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I always assume we re going to crash.
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So if it flew open, I d be like, yep.
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SPEAKER_01
Mm hmm.
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SPEAKER_01
Got it.
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
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Me and just like my dream, worst flyers, the worst flyers ever.
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SPEAKER_01
Me and Dennis Miller be like, Christ sakes, the car, the doors got curfew.
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SPEAKER_01
All right.
1
SPEAKER_01
I guess we didn t pay enough for a Bob s Burgers and Plains is not going to secure the apparatus between us and the upper atmosphere.
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SPEAKER_01
All right.
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SPEAKER_01
Just made that up.
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Here s the thing.
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They found out later, David Spade.
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Yeah.
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that they didn t tighten the bolts.
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They got all the planes, all the 737 Maxis from Boeing and checked them.
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The bolts weren t tightened.
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So somewhere there were mechanics.
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There was a guy, hey, did you tighten the bolt?
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I tightened it.
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SPEAKER_01
Did you go righty tighty, lefty loosey?
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SPEAKER_01
No, sir, it s lefty tighty, righty loosey.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh my goodness, clam, get back on them bolts.
1
SPEAKER_02
Ryan doesn t rhyme.
1
SPEAKER_02
That s the wrong one.
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SPEAKER_02
I did it with this.
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I m going to start doing effects.
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SPEAKER_02
It s like, we have a, we have a question from the laugh squad.
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SPEAKER_02
What is it?
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SPEAKER_02
Oh, would you rather have the door fly off the plane or have that woman that had diarrhea that was coming down the aisle?
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SPEAKER_01
Oh, I d much rather have the door fly off or in the wings fall.
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SPEAKER_01
I don t I don t want I don t I don t play that.
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SPEAKER_01
Papa don t play diarrhea exploding on a plane.
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SPEAKER_01
No, not my thing, not my job, not my deal.
1
SPEAKER_01
So you heard about my weekend.
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What about yours?
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Aside from aside from my hair being on fucking poof patrol.
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SPEAKER_02
God damn.
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SPEAKER_02
She s like, what are you pulled?
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SPEAKER_02
Is it Yosemite, Sam?
1
SPEAKER_02
I need a fucking Dyson collab.
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SPEAKER_00
Hmm.
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SPEAKER_00
So those don t work.
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SPEAKER_02
They re sitting on their keys.
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SPEAKER_02
I don t think they re laughing this hard.
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I don t think they re.
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SPEAKER_02
Are you guys watching Tick-Tock?
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What s going on there?
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SPEAKER_01
They re good laughers.
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They are good lovers.
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Okay, so here s what happened.
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Your friend, Ted Sarandos, works at Netflix.
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He had a party, kind of like a Grammy.
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It s the only Grammy thing I did.
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And he had all comedians, all comedian dinner.
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And he went, like, a Netflix special.
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So it was super fun.
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And I know you couldn t go, because you were invited, but it was, like, Ali Wong, Sebastian.
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Bill Burr, Wanda Sykes, Arsenio, Bill Hader, Mulaney, Kimmel, Chappelle, Chris Rock, Fred Armisen.
1
SPEAKER_02
It was just so fun, because everyone s just jammed on two tables, dinner party, drinks for an hour, laugh, laugh, laugh.
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SPEAKER_02
Sarah Silverman, Martin Lawrence.
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Man, it was just so packed.
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SPEAKER_02
I m not name dropping on purpose, just to say,
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all these comics are jammed in one dinner, which you never really get that or get to see them that much, and no one s going on, there s no cameras, there s no one interrupting you, so you re just laughing.
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Then we all sat down and ate, and then, you know, Ted Sarandos is gonna be on Fly on the Wall, so in about two, three weeks, so.
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Are we gonna go through the whole, we re gonna break down the whole party with him, because it was pretty fun, to be honest, of course.
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And people say, when you re with comics like that, is everyone funny?
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And I go, not really.
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Not really everyone s trying to be funny.
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SPEAKER_02
They re just kind of quietly clever, just the way everyone s talking.
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SPEAKER_02
You know what I mean?
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SPEAKER_02
You know what I mean?
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SPEAKER_01
Well, a comedian, a group full of comedians is not the best audience.
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SPEAKER_01
I mean, you know, because they re, you know how the rabbit gets out of the hat, you know?
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SPEAKER_01
So anything that comes off pushy or jokey, like I was, I actually got the churchly dress on and drove to Ted Sarandos and I sat in my car and cried myself.
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SPEAKER_01
And I came back home because I thought, look, hey, everybody.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, isn t that special?
1
SPEAKER_01
John Mulaney.
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SPEAKER_01
Hey, Kimmel.
1
Wow.
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SPEAKER_01
So I came back home and I missed the party.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I have to say very few people were dressed as their characters.
1
SPEAKER_01
Let me do that just for fans of the church for a second.
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SPEAKER_01
Well, well, well, all the jokesters in one little place sipping their cocktails and telling tales of fornication and sexual jokes like ice cream on Hunter s wiener.
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SPEAKER_01
Sorry, call back.
1
SPEAKER_02
You could even call back a clean word.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, Wiener is good for a church lady.
1
SPEAKER_01
Anyway, we call it the frozen boner.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, why is your church lady better than mine?
1
SPEAKER_02
I m just doing your impression of yours.
1
SPEAKER_01
We like ourselves, don t we?
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SPEAKER_01
We look at our wispy hair and touch it all the time.
1
SPEAKER_01
So our arms get sore.
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SPEAKER_02
I do.
1
SPEAKER_02
I do.
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SPEAKER_02
I m looking at my fucking soul.
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SPEAKER_01
I know we re looking at screens.
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SPEAKER_01
It s a weird it s not a normal thing.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s like Johnny Carson was out there.
1
SPEAKER_01
Could I get a screen right up on my noggin?
1
SPEAKER_01
Could you put a little monitor on the desk so I could look at my noggin while I interview Jonathan Winters?
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SPEAKER_01
So it s a little funny that way.
1
SPEAKER_02
The Grammy party.
1
SPEAKER_02
was the night before the Grammys, but on the actual Grammys, I don t have too much to say about the Grammys, but I don t know if you saw any any of it.
1
SPEAKER_01
I thought it was actually pretty cool.
1
SPEAKER_01
I liked it.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, you did like it.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
All right.
1
SPEAKER_01
The Grammys from last Sunday.
1
SPEAKER_01
You know, yeah, right.
1
SPEAKER_02
Remember, did you see the one guy is Friday, the one guy that got carded away in handcuffs?
1
SPEAKER_01
Murder.
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SPEAKER_01
Murder.
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SPEAKER_01
Mike, was that was that his name?
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SPEAKER_01
Mike, Mike, the murderer.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then he gets hearted off.
1
SPEAKER_01
Why do and then and then auto theft got two Grammys and they handcuffed him after the show.
1
SPEAKER_01
I mean, these guys got to use.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I have to say you re right.
1
SPEAKER_01
Or something.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, here we go.
1
SPEAKER_01
So there it is.
1
SPEAKER_01
Killer Mike handcuff.
1
SPEAKER_01
Don t make it that easy for the cops.
1
SPEAKER_01
Killer Mike.
1
SPEAKER_01
Come on.
1
SPEAKER_01
Just because Mikey.
1
SPEAKER_02
They go, someone in there was involved in some illegal activities.
1
SPEAKER_02
They go, was it Taylor Swift?
1
SPEAKER_02
No, I can t remember the name.
1
SPEAKER_02
Was it Killer Mike?
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, it might ve been him.
1
SPEAKER_01
Was it strangulation, Steve?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Was it Ken the knifer?
1
SPEAKER_01
It said physical altercation.
1
SPEAKER_01
My sources told me Oprah, who s newly lean and strong, tackled Murder Mike.
1
SPEAKER_01
I don t know if that s true during the break.
1
SPEAKER_01
And Trevor Noah broke him up.
1
SPEAKER_01
Don t know if it s true.
1
SPEAKER_01
I hear stuff.
1
SPEAKER_02
So I just I like how you bring in random people from the government.
1
SPEAKER_02
Then Olivia Rodrigo put him in a leg lock.
1
SPEAKER_01
Olivia Rodrigo.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, they were talented.
1
SPEAKER_01
I did talk to Paul McCartney afterwards, you know, about the Grammys.
1
SPEAKER_02
What did he say?
1
SPEAKER_01
I can t believe you called me first of all.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m such a fan.
1
SPEAKER_02
It s perfect for this though.
1
SPEAKER_01
This will be hard to get out.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know, you watching the Grammys, you know, everybody s doing great.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know, the chins are up.
1
SPEAKER_00
They re all sucked and tightened, you know.
1
SPEAKER_00
And Oprah, you know, doing the Ozempic.
1
SPEAKER_00
I got to say, she looks like a teenager.
1
SPEAKER_00
She s shrinking down.
1
SPEAKER_00
She looks like Tinkerbell.
1
SPEAKER_00
She s a tiny, tiny version of Oprah, you know.
1
SPEAKER_00
She s like, you do so small, you know, because of the Ozempic works on your brain, your brains.
1
SPEAKER_00
You say, I want a cookie like you.
1
SPEAKER_00
I d like a cookie, please.
1
SPEAKER_00
If you re on Ozempic, your brain goes, I don t think so.
1
SPEAKER_00
Three, two, one.
1
SPEAKER_00
You don t want the cookie.
1
SPEAKER_00
Hypnotizes your brain.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s how it works.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I said, I got to go, Paul.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_02
Paul should be in a Zip It commercial explaining it.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, and he s like, oh, don t forget it was on the telly.
1
SPEAKER_02
That s a good English word.
1
SPEAKER_00
The telly.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
We used to watch the telly.
1
SPEAKER_00
We d watch Elvis.
1
SPEAKER_00
Elvis the pelvis, they called him, you know, and he d strut around and jut his hips forward and the girls would scream.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I called up John and I said, in seven years, we re going to make him scream harder.
1
SPEAKER_02
Is that true?
1
SPEAKER_00
Is that the timeline?
1
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, they became a crazy teen idol.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, the timeline would have been Elvis in six.
1
SPEAKER_01
Fifty seven.
1
SPEAKER_01
David, please.
1
SPEAKER_01
I can t explain all my jokes.
1
SPEAKER_02
I can t.
1
SPEAKER_02
You re not going to walk me through all of them.
1
SPEAKER_02
I understand.
1
SPEAKER_02
But I will say Miley looked great.
1
SPEAKER_02
I saw Miley at the Grammys.
1
SPEAKER_02
First of all, I have a huge I m crazy for Miley.
1
SPEAKER_02
I just had looked up her singing.
1
SPEAKER_02
look what you ve done to my son with Melanie, who s an older singer who passed away.
1
SPEAKER_02
And they did a duet once on that old song and she s so goddamn good.
1
SPEAKER_02
And then she also did, I think, like a prayer.
1
SPEAKER_02
I looked that up.
1
SPEAKER_02
She s so good.
1
SPEAKER_02
Anyway, she had a sweet kind of mullet at last night that looks so cool.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
Let s check it out.
1
SPEAKER_02
A little Barbarella.
1
SPEAKER_02
Look at that.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, no.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, wow.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yes, that s someone.
1
SPEAKER_02
Someone made that.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, that is cool, because I was.
2
SPEAKER_05
No, I actually was thinking, I was like, she d be great as Jodert s sister if we ever did something with it, because I can t find my sister.
2
SPEAKER_05
But yeah, she also looks a little bit like...
2
SPEAKER_05
Sigourney Weaver in, someone said that, in Ghostbusters, you know, when she comes out of the fridge.
2
SPEAKER_04
She s got great cheekbones.
2
SPEAKER_04
She looks really fit, I have to say.
2
SPEAKER_04
Unreal voice.
2
SPEAKER_04
I mean, and she s got this cool voice.
2
SPEAKER_04
Didn t she win something big?
2
SPEAKER_04
Flowers.
2
SPEAKER_04
Song of the Year or something?
2
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_04
Flowers, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_05
Something like that, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_04
She was great.
2
SPEAKER_05
That s cool.
2
SPEAKER_04
Did you ever guest on Hannah Montana?
2
SPEAKER_05
No, do you want to hear a funny story?
2
SPEAKER_05
It won t fit on this podcast, but it s funny.
2
SPEAKER_04
We re only contracted for 30 minutes.
2
SPEAKER_04
Why give them stuff for free?
2
SPEAKER_04
Go ahead.
2
SPEAKER_05
So I did the old showbiz show was next to where she did Hannah Montana.
2
SPEAKER_05
And so we had an office right next to it.
2
SPEAKER_05
And so I, I didn t even know I was saying something that sounded dirty, but they go, you should go over there sometime and say hi.
2
SPEAKER_05
because we have shows next to each other.
2
SPEAKER_05
And so I came back from lunch and they go, were you just over there?
2
SPEAKER_05
I go, yes, I finally stuck my head in Hannah Montana and no one was there.
2
SPEAKER_05
And it sounded like dirty.
2
SPEAKER_04
Well, David, this is kind of weird.
2
SPEAKER_04
This is kind of weird because I was doing a show and I m not making this up called Spoof.
2
SPEAKER_04
It was a pilot for Fox.
2
SPEAKER_04
I was there with Spike Fierstin about everything was just commercials and coming attractions.
2
SPEAKER_04
And Hannah Montana was filming right next door to us as well.
2
SPEAKER_04
And they said, do you want to come by?
2
SPEAKER_04
And I said, I don t think so.
2
SPEAKER_04
No, I wouldn t drop by.
2
SPEAKER_04
I didn t know.
2
SPEAKER_05
You should have gone and stuck your head in Hannah Montana.
2
SPEAKER_04
I would have said, hey, Hannah Montana, I m from Montana.
2
SPEAKER_04
Get it.
2
SPEAKER_05
One story I want to tell you this week was.
2
SPEAKER_05
Sofia Varaga, she plays a Colombian godmother on a Netflix show.
2
SPEAKER_05
and her name is Griselda.
2
SPEAKER_05
But the funny thing is, you know what Sofia Veraga looks like.
2
SPEAKER_05
Let s look at Griselda, who she s playing.
2
SPEAKER_05
Do you have a picture of her?
2
SPEAKER_05
So this is kind of funny, where you go, well, poor thing, I don t understand what you re saying.
2
SPEAKER_03
Well, all because of the Olympics, you could get rid of that.
2
SPEAKER_03
I mean, you know, she had so much.
2
SPEAKER_03
Two seconds.
2
SPEAKER_03
She had so many, so many chins.
2
SPEAKER_03
She needs a bookmark to find a mouth.
2
SPEAKER_03
It s a joke.
2
SPEAKER_05
All right.
2
SPEAKER_05
I was trying to piece it together in my head.
2
SPEAKER_05
OK, so this is the woman, Sofia Vera.
2
SPEAKER_05
And I was thinking, why don t they just get someone that looks closer to this?
2
SPEAKER_05
Do you know what I m saying?
2
SPEAKER_05
Without being mean, I can t say that this woman is unattractive, but I can t say that Sofia Veraga is too attractive to players.
2
SPEAKER_05
So I m really sort of stuck here.
2
SPEAKER_05
But show Sofia.
2
SPEAKER_05
I mean, we know what she looks like.
2
SPEAKER_05
And so she has to really tone herself down.
2
SPEAKER_04
I mean, I wouldn t be like, there s our girl.
2
SPEAKER_04
To your point, I used to wear a lot of rubber on my face and prosthetics to become somebody else.
2
SPEAKER_04
So they re going to have to encase Sophia s head in rubber, and that s really how you get an Oscar.
2
SPEAKER_04
They re going to have to work that
2
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, you would put a prosthetic under here.
2
SPEAKER_04
You would cut her hair really short, widen the eyes, the mouth.
2
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, you can do it, but it will take 17 hours for every film day to run a cheese grater over her cheeks.
2
SPEAKER_05
No, but we can you pull up what s what she looks like in the movie when they went through all the stuff?
2
SPEAKER_04
Oh, OK.
2
SPEAKER_05
God, she s got a square jaw.
2
SPEAKER_04
They did a really big jaw on her.
2
SPEAKER_04
It definitely hides her.
2
SPEAKER_04
I don t know if they get as close to, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_05
Looks like a Dick Tracy villain.
2
SPEAKER_05
Lantern jaw.
2
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, she s definitely- No, but that s like a full square face.
2
SPEAKER_03
So, did you deliver the package I asked you to deliver?
2
SPEAKER_03
Very good.
2
SPEAKER_03
Underlay, underlay.
2
SPEAKER_04
Underlay, underlay.
2
SPEAKER_04
Oh, excuse me, just a sec.
2
SPEAKER_04
I know we re just to keep rolling.
2
SPEAKER_04
Sophia?
2
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, yeah, we re showing the picture.
2
SPEAKER_04
You look great.
2
SPEAKER_04
What?
2
SPEAKER_04
No, no, David made some jokes.
2
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_04
No, don t call her.
2
SPEAKER_04
I ll talk to you later, Sophia.
2
SPEAKER_04
No, she just called me.
2
SPEAKER_04
Don t even pay attention to that.
2
SPEAKER_04
Ring ring.
2
SPEAKER_04
Ring ring.
2
SPEAKER_04
Gazelka.
2
SPEAKER_04
Gazelka.
2
SPEAKER_04
Gazelka s calling you now.
2
SPEAKER_04
Gazelka.
2
SPEAKER_04
Gazelka.
2
SPEAKER_04
I didn t mean the bookmark joke.
2
SPEAKER_04
You look great.
2
SPEAKER_04
And I m sure the movie is going to be great.
2
SPEAKER_04
No, thanks for calling.
2
SPEAKER_04
No, David loves you.
2
SPEAKER_04
He was just joking.
2
SPEAKER_04
No, hang up on her.
2
SPEAKER_04
All right.
2
SPEAKER_04
Goodbye.
2
SPEAKER_04
Don t call me again.
2
SPEAKER_04
Don t call me again, President Biden.
2
SPEAKER_05
Okay, this is an actress.
2
SPEAKER_05
This one, well, maybe we might get rid of this one.
2
SPEAKER_05
What is this woman s name?
2
SPEAKER_05
Because it has to do with cervical cancer, which is not the most hilarious topic.
2
SPEAKER_05
No, this is just an odd story, because this Bollywood actress, which I kept reading it going, they keep spelling Hollywood wrong.
2
SPEAKER_05
But I think Bollywood s a real place, because after the tenth one, I go, I think they re doing on purpose.
2
SPEAKER_05
So her name is Poon Tang.
2
SPEAKER_05
What is her name?
2
SPEAKER_05
What is it?
2
SPEAKER_04
Poon Tang Lali Baba.
2
SPEAKER_05
Oh, OK.
2
SPEAKER_04
She she.
2
SPEAKER_04
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_05
Died with cervical cancer.
2
SPEAKER_05
And then three days later, she said, no, I didn t.
2
SPEAKER_05
So she said she, they said she passed away on Instagram.
2
SPEAKER_05
Wow.
2
SPEAKER_05
Her family confirmed it, and then three days later she goes, ta-da, anyway, no.
2
SPEAKER_05
But it is serious, cervical cancer s a bad thing, and you should get checked out.
2
SPEAKER_04
And everyone s like, aw.
2
SPEAKER_04
No, but faking your own death, and you know, I read about this too, and apparently, she s from India, afterwards, they found out, and she goes, she faked her own death, she went, na-na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na-na-na.
2
SPEAKER_01
Sorry about that.
2
SPEAKER_02
We can cut that.
2
SPEAKER_02
No, I love it.
2
SPEAKER_02
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
2
SPEAKER_02
Sorry.
2
SPEAKER_05
Oh, geez.
2
SPEAKER_05
And then we went.
2
SPEAKER_02
I was so my positive.
2
SPEAKER_02
What is he doing?
2
SPEAKER_05
No, I like it.
2
SPEAKER_05
I like it.
2
SPEAKER_05
Is that right?
2
SPEAKER_05
Does that make you mad or is that normal?
2
SPEAKER_05
I don t know how to take that that situation.
2
SPEAKER_05
Like, are you allowed to be mad at that?
2
SPEAKER_04
Well, no, I would say the ones that frustrate me, I had a little pop, ones who frustrate me who are, you know, because people want, they want clicks, right?
2
SPEAKER_04
They want views.
2
SPEAKER_04
They want attention.
2
SPEAKER_04
And then they re like on a cliff.
2
SPEAKER_04
Hey, take it.
2
SPEAKER_04
You know, so this is now the next level fake your own death, because, look, she trended globally, probably made a deal with Revlon or, you know, or fake your own death dot com hired her as a spokesman.
2
SPEAKER_04
But it s all related to that.
2
SPEAKER_04
Got to get clicks.
2
SPEAKER_04
So, yes.
2
SPEAKER_04
What is your take?
2
SPEAKER_04
Are you mad for her loved ones?
2
SPEAKER_04
It s horrible.
2
SPEAKER_04
But, you know.
2
SPEAKER_05
Well, as far as her fans and everyone, and it s such a heavy thing.
2
SPEAKER_05
to absorb and then, but then she said, don t be mad at me, be mad at cervical cancer.
2
SPEAKER_05
And I m like.
2
SPEAKER_05
No, I m mad at you.
2
SPEAKER_05
I really hate cancer, but right now you re winning.
2
SPEAKER_05
I m mad at you.
2
SPEAKER_05
I ll hate cancer again in a minute, but this is the first time something beat cancer that I was mad at.
2
SPEAKER_05
But to do that, I think it would fuck with people too hard.
2
SPEAKER_04
It s too much.
2
SPEAKER_04
It s a little nasty.
2
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, to be honest, yes, a serious opinion.
2
SPEAKER_04
So thirsty.
2
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, I mean, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_04
Cut to Greg editing this.
2
SPEAKER_04
Do you have a scissor effect?
2
SPEAKER_04
You re going to fix.
2
SPEAKER_04
No, I don t have a Trump.
2
SPEAKER_04
I just have this.
2
SPEAKER_04
I m doing things.
2
SPEAKER_05
When you re in a tight zoom, you re like this, I m Trump, it s fantastic.
2
SPEAKER_00
You gotta squeeze it in.
2
SPEAKER_00
They locked me in the closet.
2
SPEAKER_00
They locked me in the closet.
2
SPEAKER_00
I can t get out.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I m in here and I can t get out.
2
SPEAKER_05
That s Trump in coach.
2
SPEAKER_05
He doesn t have a lot of room.
2
SPEAKER_05
He s like, let me taste.
2
SPEAKER_00
Let me tell you some.
2
SPEAKER_00
My hands are enormous.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t care what they say.
2
SPEAKER_05
He puts his hand close to the zoom like this.
2
SPEAKER_05
You know, when you take wiener pictures, you gotta do a lot of things.
2
SPEAKER_05
I ll explain later.
2
SPEAKER_04
That s two wieners.
2
SPEAKER_04
If you get to three winners, a viewer wins a prize.
2
SPEAKER_05
Okay, we re gonna do... You got one?
2
SPEAKER_05
You got a new one?
2
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, because I was just trying to think of some because I knew that someone might put it there.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m Red Rednecky.
3
SPEAKER_01
I came home from school one day.
3
SPEAKER_01
I said, Mama, you drunk?
3
SPEAKER_01
She said, Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
Jealous?
3
I m sorry.
3
SPEAKER_01
I forgot to say my catchphrase.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m Red Rednecky, the redneck comedian.
3
SPEAKER_01
Red Rednecky, the redneck comedian.
3
SPEAKER_01
I flunked kindergarten.
3
SPEAKER_01
Then my daddy started putting a can of beer in my lunch pail.
3
SPEAKER_01
I passed with flying colors.
3
SPEAKER_01
Come on.
3
SPEAKER_01
Come and get some.
3
SPEAKER_01
You got to do that.
3
SPEAKER_00
Good.
3
SPEAKER_00
OK, I m jumping stories to Donna Kelsey.
3
SPEAKER_00
Who is Donna Kelsey, Dana?
3
SPEAKER_00
Quickly, without looking.
3
SPEAKER_01
Travis Kelsey s adopted sister.
3
SPEAKER_00
No, mom.
3
SPEAKER_00
That was a good one.
3
SPEAKER_00
Lovely woman.
3
SPEAKER_00
She has a new job.
3
SPEAKER_00
If she, she s working for Ziploc, she has a brand deal.
3
SPEAKER_00
She carries Ziploc around and then she gets paid.
3
SPEAKER_00
So when she gets her picture taken at the game or whatever.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I was wondering, would it be, I love it.
3
SPEAKER_00
I wonder if my mom would do that because I think, would you feel like you re making money off this whole thing with Taylor and Travis and all that?
3
SPEAKER_00
Because she s already obviously set, but it would be fun to get a brand deal.
3
SPEAKER_00
And what is her job called?
3
SPEAKER_00
Do we have that?
3
SPEAKER_00
Chief leftover officer.
3
SPEAKER_01
Chief leftover officer.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_00
That at the top of the resume.
3
SPEAKER_01
Here s my take on this.
3
SPEAKER_01
This is a, it s called Dana s take.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s a new, it s a new, is that nowadays if someone s famous, they can more easily spread it around and get people s deals.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like Elvis was lonely because he s the one where I made all the money and Sonny Ray, his guitar player.
3
SPEAKER_01
Do you ever notice that Elvis, the whole band was really homely except for him?
3
SPEAKER_01
Is he hired hired really by design anyway?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
Nowadays, you can just throw a commercial.
3
SPEAKER_01
You all your relatives can get deals.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s my point.
3
SPEAKER_01
All your relatives get deals if you re big enough.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, she s the mom.
3
SPEAKER_00
She got a deal.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
Your brother, sister, everyone gets a deal.
3
SPEAKER_01
So I think it s a good block.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s your 23 and me and starts handing out deals.
3
SPEAKER_01
You know what I want after last week s podcast, which really did well?
3
SPEAKER_01
I realized that I d never met a Taylor Swift hater, you know, like really met one.
3
SPEAKER_01
And so I ran into a guy at the gym and he had a t-shirt, I hate Taylor.
3
SPEAKER_01
So I said, well, why do you hate her?
3
SPEAKER_01
And he s just like,
3
SPEAKER_01
I just don t like anything about her.
3
SPEAKER_01
She just doesn t like this song.
3
SPEAKER_01
I just hate her.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I go, but but why?
3
SPEAKER_01
I mean, you don t have to listen to her song.
3
SPEAKER_01
I know it s kids stand her face and just haters makes all that money and everything.
3
SPEAKER_01
Do you think you re a little jealous?
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t care about that.
3
SPEAKER_01
I just hate her.
3
SPEAKER_01
So I don t get it.
3
SPEAKER_01
Tell.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I mean, there are people out there that don t know why they just I felt bad for the Grammys.
3
SPEAKER_01
Why?
3
SPEAKER_01
Why?
3
SPEAKER_00
Hey, they re always there.
3
SPEAKER_00
We don t hate her.
3
SPEAKER_00
She s great.
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I feel bad that she s always being looked at like, is she laughing?
3
SPEAKER_00
Is she smiling at this singer?
3
SPEAKER_00
Did she not stand up for them?
3
SPEAKER_00
Is she clapping along?
3
SPEAKER_00
I like when she sang along with Flowers with Miley.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m like, that d be so fun if you re a singer.
3
SPEAKER_00
And there s Taylor Swift, the biggest star in the world, singing along to your song.
3
SPEAKER_00
I would love that.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I think she s very nice and tries to be nice.
3
SPEAKER_00
Just she can never do it right.
3
SPEAKER_01
But here is my here s my theory.
3
SPEAKER_01
This is another hot take.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s called a Dana take.
3
SPEAKER_01
And then there s really, really hardly any Taylor Swift haters.
3
SPEAKER_01
She has 300 million fans or a billion fans.
3
SPEAKER_01
There may be like 13 of them that really just actively have a lifestyle of hating her.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t think there are people here.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t know why anyone would hate her.
3
SPEAKER_00
No, they just are angry.
3
SPEAKER_00
They just hate the biggest star or whoever it is.
3
SPEAKER_00
They get mad.
3
SPEAKER_00
People like you to be kind of successful, but let s not get crazy.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then they try to go too far, too far.
3
SPEAKER_01
And then I m not going to like where it s too much.
3
SPEAKER_01
And then they don t know the price that you pay for that kind of fame.
3
SPEAKER_01
I mean, you don t you really don t want that, you know, trust.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know the price.
3
SPEAKER_00
I have to get more famous.
3
SPEAKER_00
OK, so, Dana, thanks for coming and saying hi to me.
3
SPEAKER_01
It was fun.
3
SPEAKER_01
Thanks for thanks for having me on the David Spade podcast.
3
SPEAKER_01
I can t believe I m invited every week.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m very honored.
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SPEAKER_01
Come on.
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SPEAKER_01
Superfly can go as long as it wants to.
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SPEAKER_01
Superfly is good.
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SPEAKER_01
Can t believe it s butter.
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SPEAKER_00
This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly.
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SPEAKER_00
It s executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Charlie Finan of Brillstein Entertainment, Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman.
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SPEAKER_00
Hope you liked it.