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My name is Lee Hawkins.
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I ve been a journalist for over 25 years.
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On my new podcast, What Happened in Alabama, I get answers to some of the hardest questions about how things came to be for many black Americans and the truth that must come before any reconciliation can happen.
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I investigate my family history, my upbringing in Minnesota, and my father s painful nightmares about growing up in Alabama.
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What Happened in Alabama is a new series confronting the cycles of trauma for myself, my family, and for many Black Americans.
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Listen now.
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Dearest listeners, what you re about to hear is Don t Ask Tig, episode 100.
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We ve come a long way.
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It all started back in July of 2020.
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A lot has changed since then, but this show has been a delightful constant.
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Some quick highlights, giving Sarah Paulson auctioneering lessons, Paul Rudd naming a thing in honor of my stepfather, backing up Taylor Dayne as she sang Shelter, which I learned is not just one of my favorite songs, but one of hers, too.
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The list goes on.
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Thanks for sticking with me.
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The show would not be possible without your ridiculous, moving, fascinating questions.
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And speaking of questions,
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keep sending them in because this show is most certainly not stopping at 100 episodes.
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Send in your questions at DontAskTig.org or call 833-275-8444.
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That s 833-ASK-TIG-4 and leave me a voicemail.
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Oh, and after this episode, we re going to take a quick break.
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We ll be back on June 7th with all new episodes.
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In the meantime, don t be shy and send in more questions.
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Also on May 2nd, I ll be in Vegas and on June 23rd, Fayetteville, Arkansas.
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And stay on the lookout for the date that I will be taping my next standup special.
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I will be announcing that very soon.
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Go to TigNotaro.com for all show links and ticket information.
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See you there.
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Now on with the show.
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I m sweating.
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Are you?
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I m sweating.
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Because of this show?
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Advice makes me nervous to give people advice because I... But the show is called Don t Ask Tig.
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Nothing matters.
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It s true.
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Yeah.
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Don t ask Allison either.
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You don t have to give good advice.
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You don t have to give bad advice.
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You can give wacky advice.
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It doesn t matter.
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Okay.
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This is Don t Ask Tig, I m Tig Notaro, and after 100 episodes, I m astonished, puzzled, and gratified that all of you listeners out there are still asking.
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Today s guest is an Oscar, BAFTA, Golden Globe, and Emmy Award winning actor.
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She starred in I, Tonya, The Help,
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and Juno, as well as the hit TV shows Mom and The West Wing, to name just a few.
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Allison Janney, welcome to Don t Ask Tig.
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Tig, thank you for asking me to come and join you on this podcast.
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I m thrilled to be here with you.
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I am thrilled to have you and I didn t know that I d get the bonus of your pup.
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Henry has really decided he wants to be part of this podcast.
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It s a strange thing.
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He s very comfortable in front of the microphone like he has something to say.
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I can t wait to hear what he says.
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I can t wait to hear what you say.
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I have nothing to say except that I need to know how to set up microphones and things like that a little more professionally.
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I ve been working two hours to get to this podcast with you.
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There s no part of me that doubts what you just told me.
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You had texted me saying that you wanted to do a great job and that you re wanting to be prepared for the podcast.
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How did you end up preparing?
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Well, after I talked to you and after I listened to a few of your podcasts, I just thought there s nothing I can do to prepare.
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There s absolutely nothing.
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I just have to be in the moment.
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I have to be here with you and just let it roll.
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I just feel as an actress that I sometimes rely too heavily on
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I have to know my lines.
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I have to know things ahead of time so I can be good.
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I don t know how to just be me.
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I m so uncomfortable just being myself, but I have to just give into it on things like this.
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So I apologize to your listeners and to you.
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How dare you apologize?
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You being you is the greatest thing in the absolute world.
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I love you.
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You are one of the funniest, most fun people.
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Stephanie and I are both just so happy and thankful that we somehow stumbled upon this friendship with you.
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I am too.
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I ve never had more fun than I ve had with you guys.
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You guys have definitely ticked up my fun level in my lifetime.
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The past two parties I ve done with you guys, I ve laughed more than I ve ever laughed.
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I ve done dangerous things.
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I ve caused, I don t know.
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I mean, you decide whether or not you want to talk about that part.
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We ll get to that.
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But I m curious, what s fun to you?
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Who is funny?
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What is funny?
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And what is fun to you?
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I love
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being around people and being stupid and laughing.
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And you are hysterically funny and I love, you just make me laugh.
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Seeing your show in Long Beach, I sat next to Stephanie, so she ll tell you, I just kept looking at her and going, I can t believe how much, oh my God, I just was laughing so hard.
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You make me laugh so much.
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I just love being around you and Stephanie and being around a small group of people and just laughing and being stupid and silly.
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That s the best thing in the world.
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It is the absolute best.
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And that outing that we did to Long Beach to see my show.
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So we got this gaggle of people together that I thought was a really fun group.
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Yeah.
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It was incredible.
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And we were just flying down the highway in a party bus.
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with a stripper pole.
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Blaring music anywhere from the hip dance tunes of today and the Indigo Girls  Closer to Fine, which my wife posted on Instagram a video of us and it went viral.
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I ve never had so many calls, texts from people in high school I haven t talked to since high school.
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who are like, what s the deal with this party bus you were on?
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What s the deal with that?
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People wanted to know what was happening.
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People were just, they wanted to get tickets for the next one.
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They want to be on that bus.
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My friend who I m staying with in Texas right now, she s one of my oldest friends from elementary school.
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And she was like, that video, she was like, it was popping up everywhere I turned around.
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She had no idea what was going on.
0
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But also, that night, in a funny twist, you come up behind me and you pick me up.
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It kind of looks like a Heimlich maneuver.
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You grab me in fun, because we were all having a blast.
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My feet are dangling in the air because you re many inches taller.
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And you walk me down the aisle of the party bus to celebrate you.
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I felt like you deserve to be lifted up and celebrated for who you are.
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There were this whole night is about you.
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And I wanted to just take you down the aisle of the party bus racing down the 405 past the stripper poles, past the stripper poles.
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And I wanted you to celebrate me.
0
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And I m thinking, well, this is fun.
0
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Allison is carrying me.
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But then I started to- Who doesn t want to be picked up and carried by me?
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Of course!
0
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I mean, it s a fun thing to do.
0
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I started to experience a little bit of pain.
0
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And I was thinking, this is terribly uncomfortable.
0
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Slash, very painful.
0
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And then you put me down.
0
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In fact, another one of our friends posted the video of me being placed down and me going, Oh, my ribs.
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I didn t go viral.
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So you place me down.
0
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I m like, Oh, man, I felt like my ribs were like a little out of whack, to say the least.
0
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And then we get to the show.
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I do my show.
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Then we hang out a little bit after, we get back on the party bus, we go home.
0
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And the whole time I m like, my ribs feel off.
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They don t feel- Not like better, like I didn t give you a good adjustment.
0
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No, they didn t feel like the ribs I first got on the party bus with.
0
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And then the next morning I was like, uh-oh, something is not right.
0
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So we went to urgent care and the doctor, I got x-rays and he was like, you have broken ribs.
0
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And he said, What happened?
0
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Did you fall?
0
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I said, No, but Allison, Danny, no, I didn t.
0
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I said, a friend of mine picked me up.
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And he was like, the top ribs are all connected.
0
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And then you have those floater ribs that aren t connected to anything.
0
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And he said, and those can just snap right into Oh, my god.
0
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But the first week was the only pain.
0
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At first, I would be like, oh, can you hand me that?
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Oh, it was that.
0
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And Stephanie fell for it every time I would go to, like, tie my shoe up.
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Oh, God.
0
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And she s like, what?
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I was like, my ribs, they re broken.
0
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Then after about a week, I just started to be okay, and I tried to reassure you, but you did feel terrible.
0
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That was a hard email to get from you.
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I was in tear.
0
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I really felt devastated.
0
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I ve never hurt anybody in my life.
0
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I mean, not physically hurt someone like that.
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It took me a while to get to this point now where I m laughing at it with you.
0
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Well, I was never upset with you.
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But I still won t ever live it down.
0
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Of course not.
0
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Of course not.
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I ll be afraid to hug you.
0
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No.
0
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I m not going to touch you ever.
0
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I m just going to be like, shake your hand.
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Wave from a distance.
0
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Exactly.
0
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Now, Allison, I don t know if you know this, but this is the 100th episode.
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Is it really?
0
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Yeah, and that s why I was like, well, I m going to have a special friend for a special episode.
0
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Does this put any extra pressure on you?
0
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A little bit, a little bit.
0
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Enough to crack a rib?
0
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Oh my god, I feel like I should, I want to break my own hand on this podcast.
0
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You sent me a beautiful bouquet of flowers.
0
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I did send you flowers.
0
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It was so pretty.
0
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Let me just tell you, when I was hurt by a celebrity and I was playing dodgeball on The Corden Show with Michelle Obama and Harry Styles and all these unbelievable people.
0
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Harry Styles didn t do it on purpose.
0
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I didn t break your ribs on purpose, but he smashed the dodgeball right directly into my face.
0
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It was so painful.
0
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I felt so embarrassed.
0
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And he was so lovely.
0
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And he sent me a beautiful bouquet of flowers and a bottle of Advil.
0
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And it was so clever and so sweet.
0
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I wanted to ask you, I mean, you ve done so many characters.
0
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I mean, how many characters?
0
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What do you think?
0
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Almost 200 characters in your career?
0
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Oh, Lord, I ve never been asked that in my life before.
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I have no idea.
0
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Well, there s a lot.
0
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There s a lot.
0
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Is there one that you identify with the most?
0
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Oh, you know, one who I d like to be the most like would be CJ, but I m such a disappointment from her.
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I m not that quick, savvy and political and all, you know, I m, I m just not as smart as CJ, but God, it was fun playing her.
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I d say, you know, the person that lives inside of us all that s mean to us, you know how we re mean to ourselves a lot of times, at least I am, that was LaVonna in I, Tonya.
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That s my critic right there.
0
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That s me talking to myself sometimes.
0
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I love them all for different reasons.
0
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The trashier, the better sometimes.
0
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Drop Dead Gorgeous, that was really fun.
0
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Do those come naturally to you when you re creating a character?
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They do kind of, I love the bigger, the crazier, the weirder character.
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I don t know where it comes from.
0
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I grew up in a very middle class, nice family and there was nothing about my upbringing that would lead me to be able to play these zany characters.
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I did have a crazy aunt though.
0
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She was kind of fun to be around, but I don t understand where it comes from.
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But it s something about the wardrobe and the costume when they put that together and then the wig goes on or whatever.
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And I m like, all right,
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It starts coming together, but I definitely like the help from all the other departments, and the director s idea, and I just start listening to what everyone thinks this character is, and then it ll come to me finally.
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But it takes a village for me to come up with a character.
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That s so funny to hear, because no matter how many wigs you put on me, or a spacesuit,
0
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Anything, it s just TIG.
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I have no range.
0
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I m just like, I always say to people, I m TIG in space.
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I m TIG the helicopter getaway pilot.
0
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I m TIG the police officer.
0
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Like you can put anything on me and then TIG shows up.
0
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It s funny to hear that.
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I sometimes feel that too.
0
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I m just Allison in a wig.
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It s just Allison.
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I always feel every single character I do is my mother, some part of my mother.
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That s where my humor comes from because I m not funny the way you re funny.
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I m behaviorally funny.
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Behavior makes me funny.
0
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The things that people do, the things that people
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commit to or that s important to them.
0
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That makes me funny, but I couldn t stand up in front of a bunch of people and make them laugh.
0
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That would be such a tragedy.
0
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Well, I have my off nights.
0
SPEAKER_01
I feel like I remember you saying that you are open to love again.
0
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I mean, I guess so.
0
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And but you ve said also that you re fine if it doesn t happen fine if it doesn t it s been you know it s been a while I haven t dated anyone so I m not sure I d be surprised if it came along at this point and I m okay if I really am okay if it doesn t I m I ve got
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love of my friends, and I ve got my animals, and I ve got party buses, and that s okay.
0
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I m good.
0
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I m happy that I m good.
0
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The only thing that kind of sucks is if I want to go on a trip somewhere, I want to go on a vacation.
0
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Where am I going to go to Cabo by myself?
0
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Well, you could bring me and Stephanie.
0
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Well, that s true.
0
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I could, but then you d be romantic, and I d be like, all right, I ll just you guys take a walk on the beach.
0
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Well, we can also bring Max and Finn, and then you can hang out with them while we re, you know.
0
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being romantic yeah and i ll be like a good babysitter yeah okay isn t that what you want well let s get into it let s give my listeners some good or bad or ridiculous advice okay
0
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Now, your social media primarily features adorable dogs, so I think you re going to enjoy our first question.
0
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Oh good, okay.
0
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Shannon in Minnesota writes, Dear Tig, I am a people pleaser and it has bled over into my role as a dog mom.
0
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My dog runs the show, from taking up most of my king-size bed to whacking me on the leg during TV time to get me to get up and give him treats.
0
SPEAKER_01
Even on our walks now, he stops and waits for me to follow him and we ll sit down in the middle of the street until I comply.
0
SPEAKER_01
The only thing that keeps me sane is listening to your podcast on our daily excursions.
0
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I don t know if I can ever be the alpha with my dog.
0
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What should I do?
0
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Oh, God.
0
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Shannon, I hear you.
0
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Oh, Shannon.
0
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Oh, now I m going in Irish.
0
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I was going to... Oh, gosh, I m doing it there.
0
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You heard it right here from one of the greatest actors of our time.
0
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I can t, I can t.
0
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I was like, oh no, Shannon, I m not going to do it because I will go into Irish.
0
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Any accent I try, I go into Irish.
0
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Now listen, Shannon, I m not going to do it.
0
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I am the same way and it s awful.
0
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And I ve been told that we need to be queens in the house.
0
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You have to be the queen of your household.
0
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That means the queen of your dog.
0
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You got to get control of this.
0
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You can t let this dog run roughshod over your life.
0
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And the only problem is,
0
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I m not sure how to tell you to do that except to just say, like the doctor says, my dog does this when I do this.
0
SPEAKER_00
Well, don t do that.
0
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Just stop doing it.
0
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You have to have the energy that you are the owner of this dog and this dog listens to you.
0
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There is a way to do it.
0
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There s probably books.
0
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There s probably... There s for sure books.
0
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Caesar the Dog Whisperer.
0
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Well, there s tons of books, but Caesar the Dog Whisperer, because he told me, because I was talking to him and I said, my dog is barking all the time in the house and he s doing this and that.
0
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And he says, it s not the dog, it s you.
0
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You have to be the queen of your house.
0
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You have to have the energy so the dog knows that you are alpha.
0
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You have to be alpha.
0
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And- And are you?
0
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I d say maybe 30% of the time I m Alba, but most of the time the dogs, Henry, my new puppy comes over and he s like, I m going to play right now.
0
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I m like, I m watching something and he starts barking and he wants me to play tug with him or whatever.
0
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So I ll give in and do it with him for a little while.
0
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And then I ll go back to what I was doing.
0
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But he definitely, he definitely wins out.
0
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I m not good at it either, Shannon, but we got to do better if we want to enjoy our lives with our dogs.
0
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Yeah, I mean, I have three cats.
0
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And I mean, what do they do?
0
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Well, when we travel, like Stephanie just got home yesterday, we ve been gone for a long time.
0
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Our cats, as soon as we walk in the door, they just yell at us and start swatting our legs.
0
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And we think it s the most hilarious thing.
0
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But um,
0
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But it s true.
0
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I think it s like your kids or your animals.
0
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It s structure that actually allows you more freedom.
0
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And I think that that s sometimes hard to understand.
0
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And the animals also appreciate it.
0
SPEAKER_00
They like boundaries.
0
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They like as kids do.
1
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everyone, they like to know what the boundaries are and they like to know that you re in charge.
1
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When I go on a walk with my three dogs and I m the maypole, the neighbors, people laugh at me.
1
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I look like an idiot.
1
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I have to be able to walk with them three on my side.
1
SPEAKER_01
We re not on a walk and sniff.
1
SPEAKER_01
I can t let them sniff at every... I mean, I give them sniffing time, but when we re walking... How many sniffs do you allow?
1
SPEAKER_01
they can sniff for as long as they want if it s their sniff time.
1
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But if we re walking, it s like, we re walking now, we re walking, we re walking.
1
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And I say, heal, heal.
1
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And I try to keep them right with me and we walk.
1
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And then when we ve walked enough, then I go, okay, now you ve got sniff time.
1
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So sniff as much as you want.
1
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And they usually all wanna sniff at three different things as far away from me as possible.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s really difficult to walk three dogs at once.
1
SPEAKER_02
I don t know if you came to the right place.
1
SPEAKER_02
We did our doggone best to give you some useful advice.
1
SPEAKER_02
I hope it helps.
1
SPEAKER_02
I can t imagine it does.
1
SPEAKER_01
We empathize, though.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, we feel for you.
1
SPEAKER_01
But you do need to learn to say no and say this is not your, you have to put your dog in a, you know, whatever, you put them in a crate to say, no, this is my time.
1
SPEAKER_01
You need to calm down.
1
SPEAKER_01
They like routine.
1
SPEAKER_01
Um, that s, that s it.
1
SPEAKER_02
All right.
1
SPEAKER_02
Well, there you go.
1
SPEAKER_02
Allison, thank you for your input, that I m sure will do nothing to change this woman s life.
1
SPEAKER_02
And we have more listener questions.
1
SPEAKER_02
But first, let s take a break.
1
SPEAKER_02
And we re back.
1
SPEAKER_02
Allison?
1
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_02
How is your singing voice?
1
SPEAKER_02
And would you sing for my audience?
1
SPEAKER_01
What song would you like me to sing?
1
SPEAKER_01
Closer to Thine?
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, stop it!
1
SPEAKER_01
Stop it!
1
SPEAKER_02
No, any song.
1
SPEAKER_02
Any song.
1
SPEAKER_02
This is relevant for our next question.
1
SPEAKER_01
What song do I know the words to?
1
SPEAKER_01
All of a sudden, I can t think of one.
1
SPEAKER_02
How about Yesterday by the Beatles?
1
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_02
What about Respect?
1
SPEAKER_01
No.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, my.
1
SPEAKER_02
Happy birthday?
1
SPEAKER_01
♪ I ll know when my man comes along ♪ ♪ I ll know when he s there ♪ I don t think that s even the lyric.
1
SPEAKER_02
That is so pretty, Allison.
1
SPEAKER_02
I can t believe that s coming from the same person that broke my ribs.
1
SPEAKER_02
Ah!
1
SPEAKER_01
I have such a lovely lyrical voice, so delicate and soft and gentle and almost a soprano, but I m really an alto.
1
SPEAKER_01
When I did my musical, when I did the 9 to 5 on the Broadway, I used to try to sing that song Adele because she was in my voice range.
1
SPEAKER_01
and I would sing that song.
1
SPEAKER_01
When the wind is blowing in your face.
1
SPEAKER_01
Such a great tune.
1
SPEAKER_01
I can t even remember the words to that.
1
SPEAKER_01
This is me on the spot.
1
SPEAKER_01
Ask me what my name is, don t know it.
1
SPEAKER_02
Well, the question was, how is your singing voice?
1
SPEAKER_02
I think the answer is incredible.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, you re being very generous.
1
SPEAKER_02
No, it s true.
1
SPEAKER_02
It tees us up for Alice s question.
1
SPEAKER_01
Alice, what does Alice have to say?
1
SPEAKER_02
Well, Alice writes, my eight-year-old daughter loves to sing and has aspirations of joining Kidz Bop, a popular singing and dancing group that sings G-rated pop songs for other kids.
1
SPEAKER_02
Tig, my daughter cannot carry a tune and I don t want to crush her dreams.
1
SPEAKER_02
She s gotten a smidge better with all her singing, but I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_02
Is it worth investing in singing lessons or do I just redirect her passion?
1
SPEAKER_02
I mean, she s eight years old.
1
SPEAKER_02
People can learn to sing.
1
SPEAKER_02
Wouldn t you agree, Allison?
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I would say get her singing lessons.
1
SPEAKER_01
She probably is right.
1
SPEAKER_01
If she s that tone deaf, she probably is not going to be.
1
SPEAKER_01
But why crush her right now?
1
SPEAKER_01
Let her have singing lessons.
1
SPEAKER_01
Crush her later.
1
SPEAKER_01
Let her find out on her own.
1
SPEAKER_01
Let her sing.
1
SPEAKER_01
Let her sing her heart out.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s what she wants to do.
1
SPEAKER_01
Give her singing lessons and let time take its course.
1
SPEAKER_01
Is that the right expression?
1
SPEAKER_02
I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_02
Nothing matters.
1
SPEAKER_02
I just feel like that s the age where your heart and mind and soul and spirit is so full of these hopes and dreams and aspirations.
1
SPEAKER_01
You know what?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, because maybe her whole life will be surrounded around music.
1
SPEAKER_01
Maybe she won t be a singer.
1
SPEAKER_01
Maybe she ll produce singers.
1
SPEAKER_01
Maybe she ll write music.
1
SPEAKER_01
Maybe she ll have something to do with the music industry.
1
SPEAKER_01
Maybe you might
1
SPEAKER_01
not be singing, but she has a certain, she has a passion for it, so let her follow it and see where it leads.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, that could just be the door right in.
1
SPEAKER_02
When I was eight, I wanted to be the fifth Beatle, and that was, I think, the year that John Lennon died, and the Beatles broke up before I was even born.
1
SPEAKER_02
But nobody, when I was listening to Beatles records, nobody could tell me that I was not going to be the fifth Beatle.
1
SPEAKER_01
I love that you had that passion to be, that s incredible.
1
SPEAKER_02
That was what was going to happen.
1
SPEAKER_02
And you know what?
1
SPEAKER_02
Guess who went on to manage and book bands?
1
SPEAKER_02
You did?
1
SPEAKER_02
I did.
1
SPEAKER_02
You did?
1
SPEAKER_02
I did.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
I didn t know that.
1
SPEAKER_02
I did that years before I started stand up.
1
SPEAKER_02
And so I would say Allison is correct.
1
SPEAKER_02
It could open a door.
1
SPEAKER_02
into a whole other world.
1
SPEAKER_02
And that, in turn, led me to actually pursue stand-up.
1
SPEAKER_02
So, I would say, kind of like the dog giving the dog time to sniff, you know, let your kids sniff around and find their way.
1
SPEAKER_01
I agree.
1
SPEAKER_01
I think we re both hitting this on the... On the thing that you hit.
1
SPEAKER_02
On the thing that you hit.
1
SPEAKER_02
When you hit things.
1
SPEAKER_01
Shoot.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
All right.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well,
1
SPEAKER_01
What else we got?
1
SPEAKER_01
We re on a roll here.
1
SPEAKER_02
We really are.
1
SPEAKER_02
So Alice, Alison won an Emmy for playing a mom on the hit TV show, Mom.
1
SPEAKER_02
So you re getting some award-winning parental advice.
1
SPEAKER_02
And because we are best friends, Alison, and there s no denying that, this next question concerns friendship etiquette.
1
SPEAKER_02
So maybe we re qualified.
1
SPEAKER_01
I think we ve had some challenges in our friendship and we ve gotten through them.
1
SPEAKER_02
But we ve also had some really good times.
1
SPEAKER_02
All right, Spice writes, I enjoy meeting new people and making new friends, whether it s at a party or at work.
1
SPEAKER_02
I d like to think I m good at picking up on social cues and knowing when someone is enjoying socializing with me.
1
SPEAKER_02
How do adults ask, can we stay in touch and hang out sometime without sounding like they re hitting on you or asking you out on a date?
1
SPEAKER_02
It s happened at least twice in the past three years that a person I befriended thought I was romantically interested as opposed to just wanting to be friends.
1
SPEAKER_02
I m friendly and enthusiastic, but I don t consider myself a flirt.
1
SPEAKER_02
What are the proper manners for pursuing adult friendships?
1
SPEAKER_02
I have to say, Stephanie and I were just talking about this based on our party bus ride.
1
SPEAKER_02
You know, you and I have a group that we socialize with that kind of is like plus or minus one, whether it s a dinner, having drinks or a party bus or whatever, but there were other people that were added to that because
1
SPEAKER_02
there were people that came along in our lives that we enjoyed equally as much, and we thought that everybody might be a good fit.
1
SPEAKER_02
And Stephanie and I just felt like, you know what, let s go out on a limb, and let s just
1
SPEAKER_02
include all of the people that we thought would be a blast to fly down the road with.
1
SPEAKER_02
And we knew some people didn t know each other, but we just had a sneaking suspicion that it might be worth it to just say, hey, do you want to come and join this crew flying down the road?
1
SPEAKER_02
And everybody was game, and everybody hit it off.
1
SPEAKER_02
Wouldn t you say?
1
SPEAKER_02
It was like magical.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it really was.
1
SPEAKER_02
It s like, I m 52 years old.
1
SPEAKER_02
I don t go out on a limb and do that often.
1
SPEAKER_02
But I ve met so many fun people that I ve thought, why would I hold myself back because I m uncomfortable to extend myself to make new friends when I m enjoying people so much.
1
SPEAKER_02
And if somebody is thinking that you re hitting on them, and they
1
SPEAKER_02
ask you that, all you have to say is, not at all.
1
SPEAKER_02
No.
1
SPEAKER_02
Like if Allison were to say to me, Tig, did you invite me on this party bus because you re interested in me?
1
SPEAKER_02
I would say, absolutely not.
1
SPEAKER_02
No offense.
1
SPEAKER_02
Happily married, but I want you to be there.
1
SPEAKER_02
I love hanging out with you.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
Maybe you can preface your invite with, I think we d make good friends.
1
SPEAKER_01
Also, it depends on what you do.
1
SPEAKER_01
If you go, you go out to dinner with me, this new French restaurant opened downtown, or you go, hey, let s go to that craft fair.
1
SPEAKER_01
What you invite them to do will also signal.
1
SPEAKER_01
But it also depends on who you re asking.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m not going to ask some girl s husband who I hit it off with.
1
SPEAKER_01
to go to the craft fair with me or whatever.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m not gonna, I can t do that, I know that.
1
SPEAKER_01
If someone s in a couple, I m not gonna ask.
1
SPEAKER_02
Okay, what if Spice said, I could see myself doing this, what if I said, hey, Allison, I have met a couple of people over the past handful of years that I ve wanted to be friends with, and for some reason, they thought that I was asking them on a date.
1
SPEAKER_02
So I just wanna make sure you understand, I m not asking you on a date.
1
SPEAKER_02
But I think you re really fun and funny, and I would love to hang out with you.
1
SPEAKER_02
I like that.
1
SPEAKER_02
And we were talking about crafts at the party.
1
SPEAKER_02
Would you want to go check that out as friends?
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
Just an interest in you as a friend.
1
SPEAKER_02
But if you keep talking about it, then it starts to feel like, oh, God, am I in love with Allison?
1
SPEAKER_02
Spice, I have faith that you can do this.
1
SPEAKER_02
It s all in the intention.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I think that you have to put aside the nerves and anxiety around it as best as possible, or get a group of people together and get to know that person in a group.
1
SPEAKER_02
And then it might be easier to split off.
1
SPEAKER_01
I wonder if Spice is single.
1
SPEAKER_01
Because I sometimes go, I don t get invited very many places, except for the last time I got invited anywhere, I was on a party bus.
1
SPEAKER_02
And you ll never be invited again.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I think, is it because I m single and people don t like to invite single people anywhere because they could cause trouble or something?
1
SPEAKER_02
And they do.
1
SPEAKER_02
And you did.
1
SPEAKER_02
But we would still continue to invite you.
1
SPEAKER_02
I would not put it past us to take you on vacation with us.
1
SPEAKER_02
We enjoy you so much.
1
SPEAKER_02
So Spice, I hope that advice helps.
1
SPEAKER_02
I have a feeling it didn t, but it can be awkward to make new friends, especially when you re not in school anymore.
1
SPEAKER_02
But Allison and I know you re not flirting with us, asking us.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
Allison, before we say goodbye, I m going to need your help with one more segment.
1
SPEAKER_02
It s called advice of yesteryear.
1
SPEAKER_02
OK.
1
SPEAKER_00
When Jerry brags about taking Ginny out, he learns that she dates all the boys.
1
SPEAKER_03
So as we see now, menstruation is just one routine step in a normal and natural cycle.
1
SPEAKER_00
How do you choose a date?
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, one thing you can consider is look.
1
SPEAKER_03
I did everything you said, but my boss still hasn t asked me to lunch.
1
SPEAKER_02
On advice of yesteryear, we take a query sent to an advice column long ago and try to give a better response.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh my god, from like Dear Abby or Dear… Yes, all of those people, even before that.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_02
Today s question was sent to columnist Beatrice Fairfax in December 1902.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh my lord.
1
SPEAKER_02
Question.
1
SPEAKER_02
Dear Ms.
1
SPEAKER_02
Fairfax, I am engaged to a man two years older than I am for several months, but we have kept it a secret.
1
SPEAKER_02
Where I am working, there is a young man two years younger than I am who says he loves me and I think I love him.
1
SPEAKER_02
I am 20 years old.
1
SPEAKER_02
What shall I do?
1
SPEAKER_01
First of all, she s working in 1902?
1
SPEAKER_01
What the hell is she doing?
1
SPEAKER_02
I can t even imagine.
1
SPEAKER_01
What is she doing in 1902?
1
SPEAKER_01
Is she a teacher?
1
SPEAKER_01
Secretary?
1
SPEAKER_01
Maybe she s a secretary.
1
SPEAKER_01
What do women do in 1902?
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_02
Well, the guy s two years younger.
1
SPEAKER_02
He s 18.
1
SPEAKER_01
But she s in love with him and she s not, well, I- He s in love with her.
1
SPEAKER_01
And he s in love with her.
1
SPEAKER_01
She said she s in love with him.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
First of all, the engagement period is one where you re not married yet.
1
SPEAKER_01
So you re engaged to be married because you re trying to figure out if you, at least the three times I ve been engaged.
1
SPEAKER_01
I was like, I just looked at it as a period of trying to figure out, do I really want to go through with this?
1
SPEAKER_01
Am I going to go through with this?
1
SPEAKER_01
So I think that she needs to break off her engagement and she should break off her engagement.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s what I say.
1
SPEAKER_02
Well, yeah, I mean, she s still so young.
1
SPEAKER_02
And if you re having questions when you re engaged, that s a really, really rough sign for your future.
1
SPEAKER_01
I agree.
1
SPEAKER_01
I always decided, I always thought, you know, you got to be at least 70% sure to walk down that aisle.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s the lowest you should be.
1
SPEAKER_02
But also, I think it s important to remember that even after getting engaged and getting married, you still might be and probably will be attracted to other people.
1
SPEAKER_02
But if you re feeling like you re loving somebody else,
1
SPEAKER_02
Maybe not get married.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
Or break off the engagement and say you want to take it back down a notch because you still think you have some growing to do and checking things out a little bit more because maybe you will come back to this man that you re engaged to or maybe not.
1
SPEAKER_02
But it doesn t have to be black or white is my point.
1
SPEAKER_02
You have to leave the door open to you re a human being.
1
SPEAKER_02
You re going to have feelings and emotions.
1
SPEAKER_02
And 18 and 20, that s pretty young.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it s really young.
1
SPEAKER_01
And she s engaged to someone who s two years older than she is.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Two years older.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s so young.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s what my parents got married when they were 20 and 21.
1
SPEAKER_01
did that last yeah i mean well actually they ended up separating they never got divorced for tax reasons oh but they were friends forever so they remained friends and we even went on holidays together they just slept in separate rooms and we were okay still are you know family um i just went off
1
SPEAKER_02
Well, they shouldn t continue with the engagement.
1
SPEAKER_01
Absolutely not.
1
SPEAKER_02
Do you want to hear what the answer was?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yes, I do.
1
SPEAKER_02
From Beatrice Fairfax?
1
SPEAKER_01
I bet Beatrice told her she s made a commitment to somebody and she needs to follow it through.
1
SPEAKER_02
Well, here s the answer.
1
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_02
Well, if you are so foolish that you think you have fallen in love with a boy a little more than 17 years, I really cannot advise you.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh.
1
SPEAKER_01
God, that s just, that s... Despicable.
1
SPEAKER_01
Despicable.
1
SPEAKER_01
Despicable.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, wow.
1
SPEAKER_01
But see, so definitely Beatrice is telling her, you know, you re a fool.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh.
1
SPEAKER_02
Alison, that s the end of the show.
1
SPEAKER_02
Are you sure?
1
SPEAKER_02
I m positive.
1
SPEAKER_02
That s it.
1
SPEAKER_02
I hope it flew by and you had some fun.
1
SPEAKER_01
It did.
1
SPEAKER_01
I hope you can, you know, cut around all the nibbles and bits of things.
1
SPEAKER_02
But we didn t record your side.
1
SPEAKER_02
You were the nibbles and bits.
1
SPEAKER_02
But it was such a pleasure.
1
SPEAKER_02
I ve been so excited to talk to you on the show here.
1
SPEAKER_01
Me, you too.
1
SPEAKER_01
You know, always a little nervous about it because talking is not my favorite thing.
1
SPEAKER_02
Well, you re great at it.
1
SPEAKER_01
Thank you.
1
SPEAKER_02
And you re a load of fun.
1
SPEAKER_01
You re so welcome.
1
SPEAKER_02
Thank you so much for being my very special 100th guest today.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m very honored.
1
SPEAKER_01
Thank you for having me.
1
SPEAKER_02
Of course.
1
SPEAKER_02
And do you have anything you would like to let the listeners know or promote or say before we sign off?
1
SPEAKER_01
You know, what s coming up is this Apple series I did called Palm Royale with Kristen Wiig and Carol Burnett.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh my goodness.
1
SPEAKER_01
And Laura Dern.
1
SPEAKER_01
Gosh, really great group of women.
1
SPEAKER_01
And that show is supposed to be out sometime in the fall on Apple.
1
SPEAKER_01
So palm Royale.
1
SPEAKER_02
I m looking forward to that.
1
SPEAKER_01
I am too.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, of course.
1
SPEAKER_02
All right, Alison, see you soon.
1
SPEAKER_02
Thank you, bye.
1
SPEAKER_02
Bye.
1
SPEAKER_02
Listeners, as I mentioned at the top of the show, Don t Ask Tig is on a break from releasing new episodes in May.
1
SPEAKER_02
In the meanwhile, you ll hear encore presentations of two favorite episodes from the archive with music icon, Cyndi Lauper, and relationship expert, Esther Perel.
1
SPEAKER_02
So stick around and I will return with new episodes, new guests,
1
SPEAKER_02
new problems, and all new unqualified advice on June 7th.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s what you
2
SPEAKER_03
Don t Ask Tig is hosted by me, Tig Notaro.
2
SPEAKER_03
It s produced by Thomas Ouellette and Shana Deloria.
2
SPEAKER_03
Our executive producer and editor is Beth Perlman.
2
SPEAKER_03
Engineering and sound mixing by Alex Simpson.
2
SPEAKER_03
Digital production by James Napoli.
2
SPEAKER_03
Talent booking by Marianne Ways.
2
SPEAKER_03
Production support from Maria Wurtele.
2
SPEAKER_03
Our theme music is
2
SPEAKER_03
Friend in Tig by Edie Brickell and Kyle Crusham, and Listen to Your Heart by Edie Brickell.
2
SPEAKER_03
Special thanks to Hunter Seidman.
2
SPEAKER_03
APM Studios executives in charge are Chandra Kavati, Alex Schaffert, and Joanne Griffith.
2
SPEAKER_03
Concept developed by Tracy Mumford.
2
SPEAKER_03
Our executive consultant is Dean Capello and Gobsmack Studios.
2
SPEAKER_03
You can always ask for advice at DontAskTig.org.
2
SPEAKER_03
Just write in with your problem or send us a voice memo.
2
SPEAKER_03
Remember to follow us on social media at DontAskTig.
2
SPEAKER_03
DontAskTig is a production of American Public Media.
2
SPEAKER_03
And as always, thanks Dana, and I ll tell Becky.
2
SPEAKER_03
Hi, I m stand-up comedian and sex symbol Tig Notaro.
2
SPEAKER_03
And I m actor and writer Sheryl Hines.
2
SPEAKER_03
Before Sheryl and I got into the big business of podcasting together, we were just simply friends.
2
SPEAKER_00
And we re still friends.
2
SPEAKER_00
But now we talk about a different documentary every week on our podcast, Tig and Sheryl, True Story.
2
SPEAKER_00
So whether you love documentaries or just want to hear us slowly lose our minds, check out Tig and Sheryl, True Story, wherever you get your podcasts.
2
SPEAKER_03
Alright, cool.