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Hey folks, my guest for this episode is comedian Eric Andre.
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You know him from Adult Swim s The Eric Andre Show, you know him from his Netflix movie Bad Trip, and now he s hosting his own podcast, Bombing with Eric Andre, from iHeartMedia and Will Ferrell s Big Money Players Network, which you can listen to wherever you get your podcasts.
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Alright, let s get into the episode.
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Eric Andre.
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Are we on?
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Oh yeah.
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We re on.
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Yeah.
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Not a lot of fanfare, you need a little, you need like a music, you need an intro song.
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I always feel like I try to make the current moment enough.
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Okay.
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What s been the most persistent thought on your mind lately?
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Uh, persistent thought.
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I don t know.
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Like the current anxiety spiral.
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I mean, the news is pretty grim right now.
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I ve just been watching Middle Eastern snuff footage for a week.
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At what point in watching the news does it become like less about being informed and more like pornographic of you re just like kind of getting a hit from all the horribleness?
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Oh man.
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Yeah, you really need to, like, you need to take breaks.
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You need to sit on the bench on the sideline for a second and, like, breathe.
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It s grim.
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Do the problems of the world ever... It s like, this is also the last thing I want to bring up, but you said what s been on my mind, and I have anxiety, so my... I m, like, thinking about what s my current anxiety spiral, but, like, I don t want to touch this topic with a fucking ten-foot pole.
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Do the problems of the world sometimes distract... Like, they re, in a way, a distraction from the problems of your own personal life.
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Do you ever feel that way?
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Yeah, maybe But shouldn t we pay attention to the problems of the world?
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Yeah, it d be apathetic No, I think I think I think we should but it s like it is you go to therapy.
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I do go to therapy Sometimes cognitive behavioral therapy or what kind of therapy it is.
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Um, it s just like talking therapy.
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Yeah, but what kind of what type I don t know if there s a tunnel if it s like CBT or anything like that.
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Do you go to CBD CBD therapy?
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Yeah, I got a tremendous amount of therapy.
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Have you always been to therapy?
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Therapized?
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Yeah, throughout your life?
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No, not really.
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I wish I went throughout my childhood.
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I would have resolved a lot of things that I let fester from childhood into adulthood.
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I really wish I...
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I went to a tiny little bit of childhood therapy, but not really.
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I didn t really start doing it until I was 25.
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But I regret, it was kind of like the biggest regret.
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I would have solved a lot of problems, or maybe not solved problems entirely, but would have had a lot more.
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I would ve had a lot more inner peace in my childhood.
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Do you feel like you ve at least gotten close to that inner peace that you re looking for now?
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Sometimes, but therapy and mental health stuff is a practice.
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I think life is nothing but stress and continuous bouts of stress and trauma, so I think that
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You know, it s not like you do therapy and then you do it enough and then you re just done.
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Right.
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Because life doesn t cease to be stressful and traumatic.
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So I think I m a lot better.
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I think that therapy and exercise, I ll say, too, are like non-negotiable.
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As you ve gotten older, has life gotten more or less stressful for you?
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I think it s not, um, quantifiable in like that type of metric.
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I don t think it s like more or less.
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I think it s, uh, different.
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I think the stressors of your childhood and your teenage years and your twenties and your thirties and your forties and your fifties, I think each, each decade, each year, each moment comes with its own nuanced, um,
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Set of difficulties.
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Do you remember like the time in your life or even just like in general day-to-day?
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Like what moments you feel the most happy during?
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It s like that old Dennis Leary joke where he s like, there s really only like a few moments ahead I m gonna shittily paraphrase this joke cuz I haven t heard since I was 10.
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I think it s like a 35 year old joke I
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He s like, happiness is only like in that first bite of that chocolate chip cookie.
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Yeah.
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You know what I mean?
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Like, like pure, orgasmic, euphoric happiness is like, is in those moments.
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It s more like mood.
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How s your mood in general?
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Are you down?
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Are you anxious?
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Do you feel calm?
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Lately it s been better.
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Do you have a sort of baseline in mind that you typically tend to hover, like not stray too far?
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I don t mind anxiety because anxiety is good for performance.
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I mind the amount of anxiety that I have in general.
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So I wish that if my anxiety was at like a seven normally, I wish I could just bring it down to a four or five in general.
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And not like get caught in these obsessive loops.
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But I ve like, pussyfooted around taking SSRIs my whole life.
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And I think it s
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Just time to at least try.
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Yeah.
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And then taper off if I don t like it.
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What what was if they re going to offer some type of what was the cause of the pussy footing?
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Because for me, I m like, I don t I don t like the idea of wanting to have like being of like needing to be on.
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Yeah.
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And then I think, what is that?
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Is that ego?
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Hmm.
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It has to be ego, but yeah, I just like the having to be on something to just live life that feels strange, but we re not in a natural world, you know?
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So we have to come up with unnatural solutions to adapt to a natural world.
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Why would you say that it s ego to think that, like, I don t want to be on something?
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Well, that s just me trying to figure out what it is.
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Why?
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Why have I avoided it for so long?
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And I think my ego says no, you don t need the pill you can
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you can do it through natural means through therapy through exercise through meditation.
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And I do all that stuff.
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But I, I d like to take it over the finish line with I d like to attempt to take it over the finish line with with
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and SSRI if it help and you got to like experiment with a bunch of them at different doses to see which one works for your brain chemistry.
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But I at least want to do the experiment and go Alright, at least tried it.
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And if it works, it works.
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If it doesn t, doesn t I know people that are like it saved my life, whether they re talking about Zoloft, Paxil, butrin, Prozac, whatever.
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um and then there s people that are like i hated it you know i couldn t get a boner i couldn t jizz uh it made me feel more depressed you hear everything and it really is just a
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crapshoot of experimenting with EQing your brain waves and seeing if you can get them in the right balance.
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And if you can, great.
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And if the SSRIs don t work for you, then toss them out.
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When you were a kid, maybe like a teenager, did you feel good and happy most of the time?
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I was happy.
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I was happy, but I was anxious.
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I was happy and I was anxious and I didn t know how to...
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My parents were both neurodivergent and not, they were emotionally unintelligent.
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They re very intelligent, they re very academic, but they were very, they didn t have the best emotional intelligence, and they didn t go to therapy, and I think they would have both benefited from therapy.
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So a lot of stuff, I think, I don t know,
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some stuff that bothered me, I think I repressed because I wasn t, I wasn t given the tools or the blueprint on how to process the emotions.
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So I wish I had gone to therapy.
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And I wish my parents had gone to therapy, but my parents are quite spectrum me.
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So I don t even know how much their therapy would have helped.
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But I think they both just are.
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They both have their own type of neurodivergence.
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My dad had PTSD from from living in a country under a dictatorship and escaping a dictatorship.
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So I think
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And he was Catholic, he s ex-Catholic, so repressed.
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Repressed.
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What s your relationship like with them?
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Is this the tone of the show?
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This is a bit depressing.
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Oh, I m finding it interesting.
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It s a big grim.
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I don t have, like, bits.
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Yeah, yeah.
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You don t need a bit.
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You don t need a bit, but did people want this?
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We re dressed like idiots.
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Is this stuff you ve talked about on the podcast before?
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Yeah, I talk about it.
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I just did Neil Brennan s podcast, and I think that s all I talk about.
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Yeah I heard that you I don t want to make it like I have some huge huge plight or I you know right right escape the camera ruse or something I don t know if you ve talked about this extensively yet but I saw that you just did ayahuasca yeah Peru yeah how you feeling I feel good yeah I feel good what was the experience like
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It was cool.
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I ve done different psychedelic therapies.
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I ve done MDMA therapy, ketamine therapy, psilocybin therapy.
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I ve smoked toad venom, Bufalovirus toad venom.
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So it reminded me a lot of those various therapies.
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I liked the MDMA therapy the best because it was very customized.
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I m one-on-one with the therapist.
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We work together and talk therapy a lot before we do an MDMA session.
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So that was very, like bespoke and nuanced and really got to the heart of a lot of issues versus ayahuasca, which was great, but it was more group therapy, less pinpointed.
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But you know, all and even non psychedelic therapies, they all they all lead to the same
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They all help you access stuff you typically suppress or repress.
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Um, which there s a difference.
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Repression is more hardcore than suppression.
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Did you form any like legit bonds or friendships with the other people in your group?
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Oh yeah, it s kind of like being at camp, you know, everybody like, it was a good group, it was a lot of like very sweet people.
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Do you make, like at this point in your life, do you make a lot of new friends?
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No, making friends is harder the older you get.
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Making friends is harder the older you get.
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Do you do things?
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I think that s why people get married.
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Yeah.
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Cause it s like, I just need like one friend and it s my spouse.
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And then eventually my kids, cause I m too tired to make,
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new friends.
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I m going to start talking to some random guy.
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Do you feel like you ve got a solid- I m drinking less, too.
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I think it s easier to make friends in your 20s because you re just drunk all the time.
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Sure.
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I just don t recover from alcohol that well.
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It makes me gain weight like fucking instantly booze when my 20s it didn t because I had the metabolism but so I ve kind of gotten shy Yeah in my old age.
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Yeah, I feel that a little bit too Bit shy.
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Yeah, do you think I m a more reclusive and shy?
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I don t like it.
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Have you ever I want to be I want to
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Like the persona that you have publicly, do you think, do you ever like feel a pressure or anything to like match that when you meet people in real life?
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No, I don t feel a pressure at all.
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I, uh,
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I think it s pretty clear I m doing shtick on my show.
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And you know, for my birthday I go crazy.
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There s times where that, you know, that persona is a part of me.
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I just don t like that 24 hours a day.
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Do you, but it comes out in your personal life?
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At some points, at least.
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Yeah, yeah, it s how I joke around with my friends.
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That s what I think everybody s comedic.
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POV is, it s like, how did you joke around in the cafeteria in high school?
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And can you turn that into a career?
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That s what I think a career in comedy is.
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Do you feel like your sense of humor now is still pretty, like, solid to what it was when you were 15?
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Exactly the same.
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Yeah.
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Exactly the same.
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I used jokes that we would come with my friends who have nothing to do with comedy now.
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I remember my friend Franklin and my friend Andrew, we would joke around.
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They were like my first writer s room.
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And Franklin has his PhD in music composition and Andrew plays piano.
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They have nothing to do with comedy, comedy writing, nothing.
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But they were like the funniest guys I knew.
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And I ll still use jokes and conversation with stuff we came up with when we were like 14, 13, 14, 15 years old.
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Are you still friends with those guys?
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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Are they still?
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They live.
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We don t live in the same town.
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So I don t get to see him as often as I would like to.
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But
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Yeah, and it s one of those things you don t, I won t talk to him for like years and then we get on the phone and then we joke around like we re like 15 years old again.
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Are they stoked to see like a representation of like your guys s collective sense of humor like shared and commodified to the masses?
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Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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I think so.
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I hope so.
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They seem like they re.
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You want to take a phone call?
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Sure, I d love to.
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Let s see what we got going on.
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How are these in general?
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Are they pretty aggressive?
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You said, are they aggressive?
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Yeah.
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Like, do people like get upset?
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Or are they just antagonistic?
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Let s find out.
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I don t think... No, these people aren t antagonistic.
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Hey, Jackson?
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Oh, shit.
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No fucking way.
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I m so sorry.
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If I get a little loose, I m super fucking excited.
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What s going on, Jackson?
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Love that name.
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It s like Coltrane.
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It just rips through the room.
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Jackson.
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What s your last name?
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Funny enough, England.
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Jackson England.
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What a powerful name.
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That s pretty good.
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That s a great fucking name.
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Yeah, that s a rock star.
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Hell yeah.
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Jackson England.
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At my college, whenever I had a professor, he would forget my name.
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And I used to live in Jacksonville.
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And so I told him, like, where was the state, where was the city I used to live in?
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That is my name.
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And it took him like three minutes.
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I m like, it s fucking Jacksonville.
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Wait, and he taught English and he didn t know your name?
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He taught English in Jacksonville and he couldn t remember Jackson, England?
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SPEAKER_00
No, no, no, no, no.
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I live in, um... I embellished the story.
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I m in broadcast television.
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Okay.
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I was embellishing just to bring it on home.
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Jackson, what s up, man?
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Was there anything in particular you wanted to talk to us about today?
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SPEAKER_00
Yes.
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I m very conflicted right now with whether or not I will be an asshole if I do not remind somebody about plans that we ve had.
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Well, are you dating this somebody or is this just a pal?
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SPEAKER_00
No.
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So I m going to give you like the very base level of what I can explain about my relationship to this girl.
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So we met on a dating app, and we went out on a date.
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Yeah, we really liked each other.
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And like, there s also some other things with it.
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But we hung out plenty times.
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She had to move to Tampa.
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And there s
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a whole lot of things that like are very mixed messages like I really liked her but you know she probably didn t want to date me because she knew she was going to be in Tampa but that that was all like a few years ago so now I live in Daytona and I m like oh you know uh I I really like Hans and I really like Halloween Horror Nights so I m like oh you know since you live in Tampa let s do Hallow Scream and
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We planned to do that, but then she was like, oh, you know I m just gonna go to how the screen with my dad real quick.
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I Was like, oh, you know, that s super cool.
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Like you can go to how the screen But then she hated it She was like Mitchie.
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Would you text me?
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She s like, oh my god I m so fucking miserable right now.
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Like I can chase by people in chainsaws and in my hand like oh shit cuz you know, I
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I really want to do this hunt with her, but because I don t want her to be alone.
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But that s just one piece of it.
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And I m sorry if I get a bit confused with where the story is, just because I m going a million miles per hour, you know?
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Well, is the larger issue, though, that she s not noncommittal and she s flaky?
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Yes.
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So that is a problem that I ve kind of had with her in general, because it s not like this is the first time we ve tried to, I ve, me, I ve tried to plan out something with her and it is kind of fell through.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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And she doesn t live in the same town, right?
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SPEAKER_00
No, she, she didn t give me her exact location.
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But she does go to Tampa University, and she doesn t want me to drive several hours.
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And you re in Daytona?
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You re in Daytona?
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Mm-hmm.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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Yeah, I don t know.
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SPEAKER_02
Sounds tough, man.
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SPEAKER_02
You know, long distance is tough, and she seems like she s got a... She doesn t seem to have a... She seems like she has one foot in, one foot out.
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Yeah.
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I personally would...
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Play it cool, give her some space, let her come to you a little bit if it s gonna happen, but probably... I would probably cut and run and just... Have you met this person before?
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They ve been on 20 dates.
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SPEAKER_00
You said that you ve been on 20 dates?
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SPEAKER_03
No, we... I talked to my mom about this, and she did mention, you went on one date, but the rest were just hangouts.
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SPEAKER_00
But you ve hung out with her multiple times.
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SPEAKER_03
Yes, we we know each other.
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SPEAKER_03
It s not like this.
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SPEAKER_03
We only met one.
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And then she had to move down.
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We met.
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And we ve hung out many times after that.
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Yeah, I don t know.
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SPEAKER_00
She sounds like she s kind of not like kind of one foot in one foot out.
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SPEAKER_00
I would.
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Yeah.
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I would either let her, you know, if you love something, set it free, just leave it alone and let her come to you if it s going to happen.
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But I think if it s going to happen, she d be into it.
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And it d be easy to make plans.
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SPEAKER_00
It s kind of like sure, get off the pot.
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SPEAKER_00
I think I think you got a
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SPEAKER_00
get back on that app and give the roulette wheel another spin, personally.
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SPEAKER_00
Don t worry.
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It stinks, because it sounds like you like her, but she sounds like she s in a bit of a transitional phase in her life as well, and then the distances makes everything a nightmare.
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SPEAKER_00
I would cut and run, personally.
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SPEAKER_00
It s kind of weird.
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It s your journey.
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Yeah, of course.
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And plus, there is also the...
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I, my whole family is a big fan of Halloween Horror Nights.
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And so we go pretty much every year for a couple of years.
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And so I m going with my family and I m like, Hey, you know, cause we tried to do the Hello Scream, but then she went with her dad.
2
SPEAKER_03
But then I m like, Hey, you know, would you want to go to Halloween Horror Nights?
2
SPEAKER_03
And I did invite her before she went to Hello Scream.
2
SPEAKER_03
But because she said yes to it, like she said, yes, I m down.
2
SPEAKER_03
You know, I know a couple of your family members, you know, I will be down to do that.
2
SPEAKER_03
And here is where I think is the reason why I called you guys is because like she s kind of like a big like kind of spontaneous person.
2
SPEAKER_03
I tried to remind her like, hey, you know, are you still down to go with me and my family on the 20th?
2
SPEAKER_03
But then when she responded, she kind of gave me like a vague answer.
2
SPEAKER_03
Like, she said, oh, sorry, just saw this.
2
SPEAKER_02
And I was like- Well, that s kind of, that s what you were talking about.
2
SPEAKER_02
That s what you were talking about.
2
SPEAKER_00
It sounds like- Oh, sorry, just saw this is always bullshit.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
I ve been super busy is always bullshit.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like, that s a red flag.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, sorry, just saw this is like, I don t believe it.
2
SPEAKER_00
I ve texted that to women I ve dated, and I don t believe it when I m saying it.
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, it does happen sometimes.
2
SPEAKER_00
I have a problem with my, it s not a problem, but like, I ll check my text on the iMessage on my laptop and my phone, and sometimes like a bunch will come to my laptop and I ll, they ll be, it ll be as if I read them, whether I didn t.
2
SPEAKER_00
So sometimes that happens, but if it s somebody you re actually interested in, it doesn t really happen.
2
SPEAKER_02
Also, whatever happens here, I wouldn t take it as a personal thing upon you.
2
SPEAKER_02
I feel like that s another... Yeah, you can t take it personal.
2
SPEAKER_00
You don t know what people are going through.
2
SPEAKER_00
Of course.
2
SPEAKER_00
There s many fish in the sea.
2
SPEAKER_00
And why don t you date somebody who lives in the same town as you?
2
SPEAKER_00
I think it s hard enough to make a relationship work, let alone make it work with hundreds of miles between you.
2
SPEAKER_02
Hey, Jackson, before we go, what s your favorite Halloween character?
2
SPEAKER_03
Ah, fuck you re you re you really gave me just a tough question.
2
SPEAKER_00
How old are you?
2
SPEAKER_03
It s a group of care.
2
SPEAKER_03
I am.
2
SPEAKER_03
I just turned 22 days ago.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, and how old is she?
2
SPEAKER_03
She is 19.
2
SPEAKER_00
Seven years old.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, you guys are like young, man.
2
SPEAKER_00
Everybody s young and awkward at that age.
2
SPEAKER_00
So don t stress.
2
SPEAKER_00
Everybody s awkwardness will slowly through the years diminish.
2
SPEAKER_00
But that s a young, awkward age for dating for everybody.
2
SPEAKER_00
And you watch like movies and you think everybody s all suave and smooth, but everybody s like,
2
SPEAKER_00
Clunky and awkward at that at that time because everybody s figuring themselves out, so don t take it personally, but yes, sorry What s your favorite Halloween character I?
2
SPEAKER_03
It s a group of characters, but I m absolutely fascinated with killer clowns from outer space Play the video game that just came out I It s it s not out yet.
2
SPEAKER_03
It s I m on the I Supposedly on the beta list
2
SPEAKER_02
Use that as your next date idea.
2
SPEAKER_02
Have her come over and you guys can play the beta of the new Killer Klowns from Outer Space game.
2
SPEAKER_03
Oh, hell yeah.
2
SPEAKER_03
But yeah, it s one of my favorite characters.
2
SPEAKER_03
I just bought a new Funko Pop when I was at fucking Walmart today.
2
SPEAKER_03
I m super excited about that.
2
SPEAKER_00
Jackson, you need a gal in your life where you re like, hey, you want to go to Halloween Horror Night?
2
SPEAKER_00
And she s like, hell yeah, let s go.
2
SPEAKER_00
Right.
2
SPEAKER_00
Cool.
2
SPEAKER_00
I ll pick you up tomorrow.
2
SPEAKER_00
Great.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s how the conversation it should be easy, right?
2
SPEAKER_00
It should just be flowing not like oh, sorry.
2
SPEAKER_00
I just saw this Fuck that shit.
2
SPEAKER_00
You don t got time for that shit.
2
SPEAKER_00
You need to just be like yo, what s up?
2
SPEAKER_00
You know, it s like Your friends you can just hit up your friends.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, you want to go to this and they re like, yeah, they re great I ll pick you up cool
2
SPEAKER_00
Peace.
2
SPEAKER_00
Needs to be easy.
2
SPEAKER_00
It needs to just flow.
2
SPEAKER_02
The people in your life should make your life easier, not harder.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yes, exactly.
2
SPEAKER_00
The people that mind don t matter.
2
SPEAKER_00
The people that matter don t mind.
2
SPEAKER_02
I like that.
2
SPEAKER_02
Jackson, is there anything else you want to say?
2
SPEAKER_00
Fuck her, Jackson.
2
SPEAKER_00
She s a fucking backstabber.
2
SPEAKER_03
Now, I ve listened to a lot of your shows, so I know not to kind of say, oh, you know, thank you.
2
SPEAKER_03
Good advice.
2
SPEAKER_03
If somebody is kind of like keeping you at like an arm s reach, like, Oh, you know, I could do this, but you know, I can t do this.
2
SPEAKER_03
Exactly.
2
SPEAKER_03
Don t do that.
2
SPEAKER_03
If somebody really wants to do something with you, they will want to do something.
2
SPEAKER_03
I had to learn.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s who you want to be with ultimately anyway.
2
SPEAKER_00
You want to just be with somebody that s like, yo, what are you doing?
2
SPEAKER_00
Nothing.
2
SPEAKER_00
You want to get pizza?
2
SPEAKER_00
Yep.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s it.
2
SPEAKER_00
Not like, oh, yeah, but ooh, I got this, uh, uh, ah.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s really busy this week.
2
SPEAKER_00
If you hear busy, if you hear the word busy, uh, I m really busy this week.
2
SPEAKER_00
Bye.
2
SPEAKER_00
Because if they want to hang out with you, they ll make time.
2
SPEAKER_00
They ll prioritize you.
2
SPEAKER_00
Everybody s busy.
2
SPEAKER_00
Give me a fucking break.
2
SPEAKER_00
Thank you.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, no problem.
2
SPEAKER_00
Love you, Jackson.
2
SPEAKER_00
Thank you.
2
SPEAKER_00
English.
2
SPEAKER_02
Have a good rest of the night, man.
2
SPEAKER_02
See you, buddy.
2
SPEAKER_03
Thank you, man.
2
SPEAKER_03
Love you both of you.
2
SPEAKER_00
Love you, buddy.
2
SPEAKER_00
You hear a shotgun sound of a ch-ch-ch.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh, Jesus.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m waiting for the game or something like that to happen.
2
SPEAKER_00
Most callers commit suicide right at the end of their call on this show.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, we send someone high.
2
SPEAKER_00
We send an assassin.
2
SPEAKER_00
The homicide rate on this show is pretty high.
2
SPEAKER_02
One of the highest in the podcast.
2
SPEAKER_02
I like what you said.
2
SPEAKER_02
I feel like that s ... I don t know.
2
SPEAKER_02
I m feeling like I also ... I m trying to get to a point where I can set that ... I don t know if you d call it a boundary or whatever you d call it, where I m just like,
2
SPEAKER_02
I don t want to deal with somebody who s like being flaky or whatever.
2
SPEAKER_00
No, it s not a good sign.
2
SPEAKER_00
They re not interested.
2
SPEAKER_00
You just got to be like, cool.
2
SPEAKER_00
Don t take it personally.
2
SPEAKER_00
Just be like, hey, it s all good.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then you just got to be like, I m fucking rad.
2
SPEAKER_00
Peace.
2
SPEAKER_00
Guess you don t like to have a good old time with a hunk.
2
SPEAKER_02
Hello?
2
SPEAKER_02
Hello?
2
SPEAKER_02
Dylan?
2
SPEAKER_02
Hey, what s up?
2
SPEAKER_02
What s up, Dylan?
2
SPEAKER_00
How you doing, man?
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, dude.
2
SPEAKER_02
What s going on?
2
SPEAKER_02
Hey.
2
SPEAKER_01
Dude, I m good.
2
SPEAKER_01
What about you two?
2
SPEAKER_00
Good.
2
SPEAKER_00
What s crack-a-lackin ?
2
SPEAKER_00
How can we help you?
2
SPEAKER_00
What s your question?
2
SPEAKER_00
Talk to us, you silly little freak.
2
SPEAKER_01
I gotta be honest.
2
SPEAKER_01
First of all, Lyle, big fan.
2
SPEAKER_01
I wanted to come to the show in Oslo, but it was between you and a concert.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m sorry about that.
2
SPEAKER_01
Eric Andre, big show.
2
SPEAKER_01
Of course, the Eric Andre show and also the movie.
2
SPEAKER_01
Loved it.
2
SPEAKER_02
Thanks Dylan.
2
SPEAKER_02
Was the concert fun?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, so... Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
What s going on Dylan?
2
SPEAKER_01
You alright?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I made me to move back to my parents and I m pretty embarrassed about that.
2
SPEAKER_01
Why s that?
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
2
SPEAKER_01
I guess it s like young man thing.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like you want to do my parents proud.
2
SPEAKER_01
You know, I want to pay my taxes and make the big money and have the pretty wife and all that stupid shit.
2
SPEAKER_01
You know, um, I got I went to the doctor last week and I Yeah, of course.
2
SPEAKER_01
But went to the doctor last week and I got diagnosed with burnout syndrome.
2
SPEAKER_01
Are you are you aware what that is?
2
SPEAKER_00
No, what s that?
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, it s basically...
3
SPEAKER_01
I got it because I was an abusive relationship and it s basically that you re not able to work anymore like before That sounds awesome.
3
SPEAKER_02
I don t want to work anymore.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m on sick leave right now.
3
SPEAKER_02
That s great and sick leave in Norway is seven and a half years.
3
SPEAKER_02
I m sorry that you re going through that.
3
SPEAKER_02
Take the time to mentally regroup.
3
SPEAKER_02
Sorry that you re going through that, man.
3
SPEAKER_02
That sucks.
3
SPEAKER_02
I ve been in abusive relationships.
3
SPEAKER_02
It sucks.
3
SPEAKER_02
It is what it is.
3
SPEAKER_00
How are you spending your days now that you re not doing anything?
3
SPEAKER_01
The problem is, with burnout, it also sucks out all the juice out of things that you used to like.
3
SPEAKER_01
So, I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_01
I guess I m playing a little bit of video games here and there, and I try to get through the day.
3
SPEAKER_01
being as positive as possible, but it s hard.
3
SPEAKER_01
I was in a car accident recently as well.
3
SPEAKER_01
Jesus, when it rains it pours.
3
SPEAKER_02
Do you have a friend group you can lean on?
3
SPEAKER_02
Do you have a group of friends you can lean on?
3
SPEAKER_02
Are you getting, you need sunlight, you need exercise, you need to walk, go for a walk, you need exercise, you need therapy, you need a friend group, you gotta go out, make eye contact with people.
3
SPEAKER_02
A dog would help, you gotta have a heartbeat in the house.
3
SPEAKER_02
With you, you have to have like another heartbeat.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, that s good.
3
SPEAKER_02
Are you getting out, are you getting sunlight, are you walking, are you getting exercise?
3
SPEAKER_01
I ll try.
3
SPEAKER_01
I ll try to, but it s hard to find motivation to do anything.
3
SPEAKER_01
But sometimes my friends force me to.
3
SPEAKER_02
No, that s not negotiable.
3
SPEAKER_02
You have to.
3
SPEAKER_02
You have to get the blood pumping.
3
SPEAKER_02
Surefire way to stay in your depression if you re not exercising.
3
SPEAKER_02
You don t have to train for the Olympics.
3
SPEAKER_02
I m talking just going for a 20-minute walk or something.
3
SPEAKER_02
Getting sunlight on your face, 20-minute walk.
3
SPEAKER_02
Don t be on the phone the whole walk unless you re listening to music that s making you happy.
3
SPEAKER_02
But that s like, you know, what your body is designed to do.
3
SPEAKER_02
Millions of years of evolution went into that design.
3
SPEAKER_02
So you have to do that because that s a surefire way to stay in your depression.
3
SPEAKER_00
And coffee helps too.
3
SPEAKER_00
What was your routine like before you moved back home?
3
SPEAKER_01
What, what again?
3
SPEAKER_01
Say again?
3
SPEAKER_00
What was your routine like before you moved back home?
3
SPEAKER_00
Like has it changed at all?
3
SPEAKER_00
Or were you kind of dealing with the same thing before that?
3
SPEAKER_00
You sound like you re out of breath right now.
3
SPEAKER_01
Um, no, no.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I m pretty much out of breath every time because everything... Can you reach orgasm?
3
SPEAKER_01
No, I m right now.
3
SPEAKER_02
I m right now on the call.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m not sure I can, you know.
3
SPEAKER_02
We want all our callers to masturbate until they reach orgasm.
3
SPEAKER_02
It probably would be therapeutic.
3
SPEAKER_00
That would be the first that I know of, of somebody masturbating on the phone on this show.
3
SPEAKER_00
On this show.
3
SPEAKER_01
I can assure you that both my hands are up in the air as we speak.
3
SPEAKER_02
Hey man, you re all the way in Norway, live your life, do whatever you want.
3
SPEAKER_02
And you re masturbating by rubbing your genitals on a piece of salami with no hands.
3
SPEAKER_00
Maybe you can do that, you know that thing where you can like just with your own mind, like force yourself to get hard.
3
SPEAKER_00
Come with your mind.
3
SPEAKER_00
That d be a good hobby to learn while you re in your mom s baby.
3
SPEAKER_01
I heard that s actually possible.
3
SPEAKER_02
And you re gonna do it for us tonight.
3
SPEAKER_02
No, Dilla, I m just joking around.
3
SPEAKER_02
There s nothing wrong with moving back in with your parents.
3
SPEAKER_02
I actually think it s stupid that we leave our parents.
3
SPEAKER_02
That s like the current system, but I don t think that s actually what we re designed to do.
3
SPEAKER_02
We re designed to hunt and gather in egalitarian bands of all generations.
3
SPEAKER_02
I actually think our parents would live longer if we stayed with them.
3
SPEAKER_01
I guess the biggest enemy is my own pride, because I want to make them proud in my own way, but I know they re proud of me for simply being a good person and, you know... Yeah, take that pressure off yourself.
3
SPEAKER_02
Take that pressure off yourself, my man.
3
SPEAKER_02
Don t be so hard on yourself.
3
SPEAKER_02
Take this time to regroup.
3
SPEAKER_02
Do things that make you happy.
3
SPEAKER_02
Get some hobbies.
3
SPEAKER_02
But you gotta be amongst your friends and you gotta get out of the house.
3
SPEAKER_02
Get off the screens.
3
SPEAKER_02
Get sunlight.
3
SPEAKER_02
Get exercise.
3
SPEAKER_02
Go to therapy at least once a week, if not two or three times a week.
3
SPEAKER_02
And you gotta get out of the house and be with friends and do stuff that brings you joy.
3
SPEAKER_02
Take a pottery class or something, or taekwondo or some shit, or go camping.
3
SPEAKER_02
Fall in love.
3
SPEAKER_01
Pottery sounds nice.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s quite erotic, I heard.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah?
3
SPEAKER_01
You know Jackson English?
3
SPEAKER_01
I heard, like, it could be quite erotic.
3
SPEAKER_02
It s erotic, yeah, there you go.
3
SPEAKER_02
You can masturbate in the ceramics you create.
3
SPEAKER_00
You could do a, you could create like a clay fleshlight.
3
SPEAKER_02
There you go.
3
SPEAKER_00
Then all your problems will be solved.
3
SPEAKER_00
I think we did it.
3
SPEAKER_00
Real quick, is your relationship with your parents all good, like living with them and shit?
3
SPEAKER_00
Are they cool?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it s good.
3
SPEAKER_01
I mean, it s normal.
3
SPEAKER_01
We run into each other and get annoyed, but we re family.
3
SPEAKER_01
You know, it s normal.
3
SPEAKER_02
Do your parents still make love?
3
SPEAKER_01
I heard them one time, so yeah, apparently.
3
SPEAKER_02
How was that?
3
SPEAKER_02
That was a long night, huh?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I told my dad at the breakfast table, I had fun last night, and he just laughed it off.
3
SPEAKER_00
I respect you having the balls to bring it up.
3
SPEAKER_00
I would not do that.
3
SPEAKER_00
I would not.
3
SPEAKER_01
Dylan, man, I hope some of this got... Yeah, because I was like, man... I was like, guys, you need to stop doing this this loudly.
3
SPEAKER_01
Did you fist bump?
3
SPEAKER_01
No, I want to sleep.
3
SPEAKER_02
Were they just having missionary style vaginal penetration or were they doing cunnilingus?
3
SPEAKER_01
Camero was not working that night.
3
SPEAKER_02
Could you tell via the sounds what sexual position they were in?
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t even want to imagine that.
3
SPEAKER_02
Close your eyes and imagine it.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yikes.
3
SPEAKER_00
They do have more open attitudes over there in Europe.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
3
SPEAKER_00
Towards watching their parents.
3
SPEAKER_02
I fucked both my parents in Norway.
3
SPEAKER_02
That s where you got to do it.
3
SPEAKER_02
I did at customs.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I m in.
3
SPEAKER_01
Viking shit.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, that s right.
3
SPEAKER_00
Dylan, is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
3
SPEAKER_01
Don t be so hard on yourself.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I m going to show my parents an episode of Eric Andre show.
3
SPEAKER_01
Tell them this man gave me a therapeutic advice Hey, take care of them Take care y all.
3
SPEAKER_01
Thanks for taking the call.
3
SPEAKER_02
That s Dylan one of the most famous mass shooters in history Hey feeling Good good.
3
SPEAKER_02
I felt good until you asked me that question.
3
SPEAKER_00
Really?
3
SPEAKER_02
That s like me out.
3
SPEAKER_00
Why did it suck you out?
3
SPEAKER_00
I
3
SPEAKER_02
Because I was like, does it look like I m not doing so good?
3
SPEAKER_00
No, I just, I have, I, I, I, that s more of a reflection on me than on you.
3
SPEAKER_00
Does that make sense?
3
SPEAKER_00
No, no, no.
3
SPEAKER_00
No?
3
SPEAKER_00
I wanna, I was wondering whether or not you were doing good.
3
SPEAKER_00
Not because you seemed like you were not doing good.
3
SPEAKER_00
I felt great.
3
SPEAKER_00
But because I wanted to make sure you were doing good.
3
SPEAKER_00
I feel great.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_00
No, I don t feel that good.
3
SPEAKER_02
Why?
3
SPEAKER_02
I m looking at your teeth.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah?
3
SPEAKER_00
Your teeth stand out with the green paint.
3
SPEAKER_00
Do they look nice?
3
SPEAKER_02
They re great.
3
SPEAKER_00
Thank you.
3
SPEAKER_00
You wanna take another call?
3
Sure.
3
SPEAKER_02
Is it just calls?
3
SPEAKER_02
Like wall-to-wall calls?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, well we can do...
3
SPEAKER_02
Like a Jerry Springer breakdown at the end of it.
3
SPEAKER_00
Not really.
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I mean, I m trying to think sometimes I have post call thoughts, but you got to come off like you re the expert, right?
4
SPEAKER_00
No, not at all, not at all.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s through your point of view, so you gotta express your point of view.
4
SPEAKER_01
Not even, not even really.
4
SPEAKER_01
I try to, you know, when I do it when it s just me, it s like I prefer, I mean even when I have a guest on, like I prefer to be talking as little as possible, especially if like people, you know, have things that they want to say, you know, because I mean,
4
SPEAKER_01
You know, I mean, look, with Dylan, like, living in his mom s basement, it s like, dude, I started doing this show in my mom s basement.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like, I was doing this in my mom s basement for, like, a year and a half.
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t think that there s any, uh, you know, what, what s the opposite?
4
SPEAKER_01
Shame.
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t think there s any shame in living with your parents.
4
SPEAKER_01
And also, I don t know if you ever looked at those, like, graphs of, like, of, like, the amount of time you have with your parents.
4
SPEAKER_01
And it shows, like, 90% of it is gone by the time you, like, move out of the house.
4
SPEAKER_01
So it s like, it s a great thing.
4
SPEAKER_00
Living with your parents?
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
I actually think it should be more normalized and not a source of shame.
4
SPEAKER_00
I think in, I don t know what country exactly.
4
SPEAKER_00
I only left my parents because I had enough of Florida and I wanted to see the rest of the country.
4
SPEAKER_00
Is that where you grew up?
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I was in suburban Florida.
4
SPEAKER_00
There was nothing out there.
4
SPEAKER_01
You re Jewish, right?
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
Sick.
4
SPEAKER_01
So am I. Sick.
4
SPEAKER_01
What was the theme of your bar mitzvah?
4
SPEAKER_00
Not that Jewish.
4
SPEAKER_00
My mom didn t have a bat mitzvah either.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m from a long line of commie, socialist, atheist Jews.
4
SPEAKER_00
Did you grow up around a lot of other Jewish people?
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, from Boca Raton, Florida.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh shit, okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s the Zion of Florida.
4
SPEAKER_01
Are your parents in one of those Jewish retirement homes?
4
SPEAKER_00
Uh, no.
4
SPEAKER_00
Uh, my dad died last year.
4
SPEAKER_00
My mom is, uh, thank you, my mom is, um, she s in a retirement community, but not like, um, not like an old folks home.
4
SPEAKER_00
She s just in like a 55 plus community.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
The whole, um, like, would you be able to track, like, your personality?
4
SPEAKER_01
Like, does it, are you sort of both your parents?
4
SPEAKER_01
Do you think you re kind of more one than the other?
4
SPEAKER_00
Sometimes I think I m both sometimes.
4
SPEAKER_00
I think I m neither hmm.
4
SPEAKER_00
Do you have siblings older sister?
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, or is your sister anything like you uh?
4
SPEAKER_00
Somewhat yeah, but someone no she doesn t She s not like loud and extroverted.
4
SPEAKER_00
She doesn t party.
4
SPEAKER_00
She doesn t drink.
4
SPEAKER_00
She s a bit of a teetotaler hmm She s very academic
4
SPEAKER_00
So but in some ways were similar in some ways were different.
4
SPEAKER_00
Do you have a good relationship with her?
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, that s cool She s still like do you how Jewish like do you go to the?
4
SPEAKER_01
Services for like Yom Kippur and Rosh Hashanah and stuff like that nothing one time.
4
SPEAKER_00
I asked my mom I go Mom, it s I was like in my early 20s.
4
SPEAKER_00
I go mom.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m gonna fast for Yom Kippur.
4
SPEAKER_00
She goes what?
4
SPEAKER_00
Why?
4
SPEAKER_00
And I go, we re Jewish, I don t know, aren t we supposed to fast and reflect?
4
SPEAKER_00
She goes, no, no, no, no, no.
4
SPEAKER_00
If you re hungry, you eat.
4
SPEAKER_01
My mom would cry tears of joy if I told her I was fasting for Yom Kippur.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh, my mom has no, my grandparents, like my mother s parents.
4
SPEAKER_00
Nobody was into it?
4
SPEAKER_00
Nobody was into the rituals.
4
SPEAKER_00
Really?
4
SPEAKER_00
In fact, I think they,
4
SPEAKER_00
uh disliked the rituals i d be like mom we should do a passover dinner she s like huh why she never was she d never be aware of what holiday it was whenever
4
SPEAKER_00
And then I remember when I was a teenager, kind of coming of age, finding my identity, I was like, Mom, we should go to shul, we should go to temple.
4
SPEAKER_00
She was like, have you ever been to temple before?
4
SPEAKER_00
I m like, no.
4
SPEAKER_00
She goes, there s no place on earth more boring than sitting through its service.
4
SPEAKER_00
She s 100% right.
4
SPEAKER_00
In temple.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then I went to a bar mitzvah when I was 12 years old.
4
SPEAKER_00
And just the temple part of the bar mitzvah, not the party part, I couldn t keep my eyes open.
4
SPEAKER_00
And she leaned over and she was like, you want to do this every weekend?
4
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, no.
4
SPEAKER_00
She s like, I m telling you.
4
SPEAKER_00
She s like, you don t have to.
4
SPEAKER_00
prove yourself to your tribe by sitting through a book of 5,000 year old fairy tales.
4
SPEAKER_01
I could never get into temple because there was never like even you know it feels like in other religions there s like an energy to it and there s like you know even in the ones where it s like you know I m being saved by Jesus.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah those are the newer religions.
4
SPEAKER_01
In Judaism, it never... It s too old.
4
SPEAKER_01
There s never like a, why are we doing this?
4
SPEAKER_01
Why are we saying these words right now?
4
SPEAKER_00
It s fairy tales written by cavemen 5,000 years ago.
4
SPEAKER_00
And a lot of it has to do with hygiene from five millennia ago.
4
SPEAKER_00
Also, it s...
4
SPEAKER_00
fucking insane and twisted I tried to read Genesis in quarantine it s like written by lunatic so like incredibly sexist incredibly homophobic and punishing and okay slavery it s it s rough that bar mitzvah that you went to do you get to go to the party part
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
How was that?
4
SPEAKER_00
Thank God.
4
SPEAKER_00
I didn t know the party part was coming.
4
SPEAKER_00
It was my first Bar Mitzvah.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I thought it was like, this is the whole thing.
4
SPEAKER_00
They re reading from the fucking sea scroll.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, this is quite boring.
4
SPEAKER_00
I thought it d be way more fun from what I heard from my friends.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then when I got to the party part, I was like, oh yeah, this is what I m talking about.
4
SPEAKER_01
Your friends told you that Shul would be fun?
4
SPEAKER_01
They told me bar mitzvahs would be fun.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh, there we go, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
And they are, the party part s rad.
4
SPEAKER_00
But the shul part is... Did you knock back a Shirley Temple or two?
4
SPEAKER_00
I drank Manischewitz.
4
SPEAKER_00
They had a bunch of Manischewitz out, and I downed like a couple little thimbles of it.
4
SPEAKER_00
I was like, hell yeah, I m gonna...
4
SPEAKER_01
There was one bar mitzvah where my friends and I would take the balloons on the thing and like inhale the helium and it was yeah Yeah, it s like early whippets.
4
SPEAKER_00
Mm-hmm.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I didn t know they got you high.
4
SPEAKER_01
I just thought it would change your voice your voice You know
4
SPEAKER_00
I was listening to Howard Stern a while ago, and he said the funniest thing.
4
SPEAKER_00
He goes, if anybody ever invites you to a Passover dinner, run for the fucking hills.
4
SPEAKER_00
Because it is so long and so boring.
4
SPEAKER_00
If you do an actual Passover, like an Orthodox.
4
SPEAKER_01
They do the whole thing.
4
SPEAKER_00
If you do the whole thing, fucking watch out.
4
SPEAKER_00
Eat before you go, too, because you re going to be starving.
4
SPEAKER_00
If you wait through the whole thing.
4
SPEAKER_00
I ve done like the very short version.
4
SPEAKER_00
I ve done the speed round and that was fine.
4
SPEAKER_01
Do you like matzah?
4
SPEAKER_00
I love matzah.
4
SPEAKER_00
I grew up on matzah.
4
SPEAKER_00
I would just like lather butter on matzah and wolf it down when I was a little kid.
4
SPEAKER_01
My mom makes this matzah.
4
SPEAKER_00
I haven t had matzah in a while, but I love matzah.
4
SPEAKER_01
Half toffee, half chocolate.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh, wow.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s pretty good.
4
SPEAKER_00
You know what was good?
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if this place exists anymore in Williamsburg.
4
SPEAKER_00
The Jewish-Japanese place?
4
SPEAKER_00
Jewish-Japanese place?
4
SPEAKER_00
Shalom, Japan.
4
SPEAKER_00
Shalom, Japan.
4
SPEAKER_00
They had a matzah ball ramen soup that was fucking awesome.
4
SPEAKER_00
And the guy who directs my show, Kitau, is Japanese.
4
SPEAKER_00
Really?
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, so we would go there and fuck shit up.
4
SPEAKER_00
Is it still around?
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t know, but it was awesome.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if it s arrived quarantined.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s worth checking in on, but it s a rad fusion.
4
SPEAKER_01
Shalom, Japan.
4
SPEAKER_01
Shalom, Japan.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay, I m gonna check that out.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
Hello?
4
SPEAKER_01
Hello?
4
SPEAKER_01
Hey, is this Candy?
4
SPEAKER_01
Hey.
4
SPEAKER_01
How s it going?
4
SPEAKER_01
Good, how are you?
4
SPEAKER_01
Hanging in there.
4
SPEAKER_01
Candy.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God.
4
SPEAKER_01
Holy shit.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m on.
4
SPEAKER_01
What?
4
SPEAKER_00
I ve never met somebody under the age of 70 named Candy.
4
SPEAKER_00
Is your name Candace?
4
SPEAKER_00
You re funny.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s my real name.
4
SPEAKER_00
No, it s Candy.
4
SPEAKER_00
Candy s on your birth certificate.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s a bit of a stripper name.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s a knee slapper.
4
SPEAKER_00
I didn t even mean that as a joke.
4
SPEAKER_00
I didn t even mean that as a joke.
4
SPEAKER_00
I meant that like just at face value.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh, okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
Wouldn t you agree?
4
SPEAKER_01
Touche.
4
SPEAKER_00
It wasn t an insult.
4
SPEAKER_00
It wasn t a joke.
4
SPEAKER_00
Sex work is real work.
4
SPEAKER_00
Candy.
4
SPEAKER_00
Candy Cane.
4
SPEAKER_00
Candy Cane Lane.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s a me.
4
SPEAKER_00
I know you ve heard every joke about your name, but I ve never met a candy so young.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m assuming I don t think candy the only candy.
4
SPEAKER_01
I know is candy Kong I Don t know that us you don t know Katie.
4
SPEAKER_01
You know the Donkey Kong people
4
SPEAKER_01
The Donkey Kong people?
4
SPEAKER_01
The Donkey Kong people.
4
SPEAKER_01
The Kongs.
4
SPEAKER_01
The designers, like the- No, no.
4
SPEAKER_01
The family.
4
SPEAKER_01
Candy Kong s not a designer of the- Oh, Donkey Kong s wife?
4
SPEAKER_01
Donkey Kong s, I think, girlfriend or situationship is Candy Kong.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh, they re not.
4
SPEAKER_00
They re not your middle?
4
SPEAKER_01
They re not.
4
SPEAKER_01
Donkey Kong s a polyamorous significant other.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay, Candy, what s going on?
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh, nothing.
4
SPEAKER_01
I just got home from work.
4
SPEAKER_01
I am a truck driver over the road.
5
SPEAKER_03
I live in my truck Monday through Friday.
5
SPEAKER_03
What?
5
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, it s hard work, but someone s got to do it, right?
5
SPEAKER_01
You ever fall asleep at the wheel?
5
SPEAKER_03
No, that has not happened.
5
SPEAKER_03
Never.
5
SPEAKER_02
You ever get really high in drive?
5
SPEAKER_03
No.
5
SPEAKER_03
Nope.
5
SPEAKER_01
Took a long time to answer that, Candy.
5
SPEAKER_01
Candy, truck drivers have the best speed.
5
SPEAKER_01
You guys have the best meth.
5
SPEAKER_01
I always forget that that s illegal.
5
SPEAKER_01
They re crushing Adderall, monster energy drinks.
5
SPEAKER_01
They re wild.
5
SPEAKER_03
Mine, my go-to is Red Bull.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, Red Bull.
5
SPEAKER_01
They re all on uppers.
5
SPEAKER_03
We re machines.
5
SPEAKER_03
We re literal machines.
5
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, it s wild.
5
SPEAKER_02
What are you hauling?
5
SPEAKER_01
Can I drink her with this makeup going in my mouth?
5
SPEAKER_01
You re fine, you re fine, you re good.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s toxic.
5
SPEAKER_01
This is what killed the original.
5
SPEAKER_01
You have about a week left to live.
5
SPEAKER_01
Wizard of Oz.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, there we go.
5
SPEAKER_01
Wow, that was pretty good, you didn t get the same level.
5
SPEAKER_03
What are you drinking?
5
SPEAKER_03
I m not watching the stream.
5
SPEAKER_01
I m drinking water.
5
SPEAKER_01
So what s going on, Candy?
5
SPEAKER_01
How can we help you with your life?
5
SPEAKER_03
Oh, I just I didn t think I would get this far, to be honest.
5
SPEAKER_01
So your life is perfect.
5
SPEAKER_03
I mean, my life.
5
SPEAKER_03
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
5
SPEAKER_03
make good money and I have fun when I can, when I m not working.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
You sound like a chill ass.
5
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_03
I went to Vegas the end of this month to see Theo Vaughn.
5
SPEAKER_01
Nice.
5
SPEAKER_01
You sound like you got life figured out.
5
SPEAKER_03
Um, I m just chilling to be honest.
5
SPEAKER_03
Like I don t like this.
5
SPEAKER_03
I can t, I can t stress.
5
SPEAKER_03
I don t have time for stress.
5
SPEAKER_02
Hell yeah.
5
SPEAKER_02
Do you, are you a gambler at all?
5
SPEAKER_02
Do you plan on gambling in Vegas?
5
SPEAKER_03
Ooh, of course.
5
SPEAKER_03
Ooh, I love to gamble.
5
SPEAKER_02
Okay, so you were going to be getting another call from you.
5
SPEAKER_03
That s how I get free hotels.
5
SPEAKER_02
Facts.
5
SPEAKER_02
What s your budget?
5
SPEAKER_02
How much are you planning on spending?
5
SPEAKER_02
I m going to throw up, Kandi.
5
SPEAKER_03
Oh, I don t spend more than like five to seven hundred.
5
SPEAKER_02
That s a solid amount of house money.
5
SPEAKER_02
Kandi, you re a fucking nut.
5
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
You re a fucking wild child you ever do wheelies in that truck you truck tricks No No, no, no.
5
SPEAKER_03
No, there are no really many tricks you can do you Back it up flip it around.
5
SPEAKER_03
Oh
5
SPEAKER_02
Do a little tray flip off some stairs.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, pop shove it.
5
SPEAKER_02
50-50.
5
SPEAKER_02
Little three-wheel motion.
5
SPEAKER_02
Dude, taking a truck in the bowl would actually be pretty fire.
5
SPEAKER_01
Why don t you drive that truck on stage with Theo Vaughn?
5
SPEAKER_01
Give him the fucking surprise of a lifetime.
5
SPEAKER_03
Right?
5
SPEAKER_03
He doesn t drink anymore.
5
SPEAKER_02
He s got to get his adrenaline from something.
5
SPEAKER_02
Candy, I have a question.
5
SPEAKER_02
If your life is going very well, do you have any advice for me?
5
SPEAKER_03
Oh, I didn t say it was going very well.
5
SPEAKER_03
I just said it s all right.
5
SPEAKER_03
Um, any advice for you?
5
SPEAKER_03
No, no, I think you re doing everything cool.
5
SPEAKER_03
I mean, you know, just chill.
5
SPEAKER_03
I know you re like sad a lot.
5
SPEAKER_03
I noticed that from like previous.
5
SPEAKER_03
I listened to you in the truck, like older episodes and stuff.
5
SPEAKER_02
Oh my God, that s such a bummer.
5
SPEAKER_03
I know you were sad.
5
SPEAKER_02
Why did I, why did I see, what did you?
5
SPEAKER_02
No, no, it s all right.
5
SPEAKER_02
It s all right.
5
SPEAKER_02
It s all right.
5
SPEAKER_02
I, that s helpful information for me to have.
5
SPEAKER_02
What was it about me that made you, that made me seem so sad?
5
SPEAKER_03
Oh no, you would say it all the time.
5
SPEAKER_03
I don t know.
5
SPEAKER_03
You were like, you kind of sounded depressed sometimes.
5
SPEAKER_03
You would say it.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_03
People like, I m just a little down today.
5
SPEAKER_03
Um, but you seem a lot happier now.
5
SPEAKER_02
The therapy is all for me.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, makes sense.
5
SPEAKER_02
How do you think I could be less sad?
5
SPEAKER_03
You know what helped me was smoking less weed.
5
SPEAKER_02
Oh, man.
5
SPEAKER_03
For real, that s it.
5
SPEAKER_01
I m drinking more Monster.
5
SPEAKER_02
Are you a weed guy at all?
5
SPEAKER_01
No, weed don t hit me right.
5
SPEAKER_01
That s not my drug.
5
SPEAKER_01
I liked it when I was a kid, like a teenager, 13 years old.
5
SPEAKER_01
I loved it, but I don t know, it turned on me.
5
SPEAKER_02
I always forget that weed is not good for you.
5
SPEAKER_02
There s all these Reddit posts that every day try to convince you that it s healthy medicine and whatnot, but it s not good to be inhaling something all the time.
5
SPEAKER_02
I know my memory is fading a little bit.
5
SPEAKER_02
I just don t like the way it makes me feel.
5
SPEAKER_02
Did you say Candy?
5
SPEAKER_03
Can you remember your dreams?
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I had a dream that I went with Optimus Prime and John Lovitz to their house where they were roommates and they were both very religious and invited me to pray with them.
5
SPEAKER_03
Nice.
5
SPEAKER_03
Was it my truck?
5
SPEAKER_01
Candy s board.
5
SPEAKER_03
My Optimus Prime truck.
5
SPEAKER_01
Candy just crashed your truck.
5
SPEAKER_01
to the new 360 dome in Las Vegas.
5
SPEAKER_02
Gandy, is there anything else you want to say to the people at the computer before we go?
5
SPEAKER_03
Um... No.
5
SPEAKER_03
Stay chill.
5
SPEAKER_03
You guys are awesome.
5
SPEAKER_03
I love you, Eric.
5
SPEAKER_03
I love you too, Gandy.
5
SPEAKER_03
Okay, bye.
5
SPEAKER_02
I ll try to be less sad.
5
SPEAKER_02
Bye.
5
SPEAKER_03
Yay.
5
SPEAKER_03
Bye.
5
SPEAKER_02
Do you ever, like, I assume people come up to you a lot and they re like, Eric, you must be so high to come up with all these ideas.
5
SPEAKER_02
What do you usually say in response to that?
5
SPEAKER_01
They go, what drugs are you on?
5
SPEAKER_01
I just say, coffee, just coffee.
5
SPEAKER_01
If I m high, I don t wanna work.
5
SPEAKER_01
Could you imagine being in a writer s room on acid?
5
SPEAKER_01
I d be like, ah, glued to the floor.
5
SPEAKER_02
I was listening to Like a George Carlin interview, and he said he ll like right sober and then edits.
5
SPEAKER_02
Hi.
5
SPEAKER_01
Oh my god Okay, that kind of makes sense That makes sense, but he used to do so much cocaine He would stay up for like seven days straight and start hallucinating people that weren t there And then his heart exploded when he was like 41.
5
SPEAKER_02
He did that he died pretty young.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah He died in the 70s, but he had two massive heart attacks because he was such a coke addict.
5
SPEAKER_01
Mm-hmm
5
SPEAKER_01
Him and Robert Williams and Richard Pryor, they were fucking crazy.
5
SPEAKER_01
Scarface mountains of cocaine.
5
SPEAKER_02
I don t get cocaine.
5
SPEAKER_02
It only really makes my heart beat.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, cocaine and weed are my two drugs that I don t like.
5
SPEAKER_01
Those are not my drugs.
5
SPEAKER_01
What s your favorite drug?
5
SPEAKER_01
Mushrooms, I think.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
Whippets, mushrooms, Whippets, MDMA.
5
SPEAKER_01
Xanax is good, but you can t do it all the time.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s very addictive and bad for you.
5
SPEAKER_00
Eric?
5
SPEAKER_00
I am here.
5
SPEAKER_00
Hello there.
5
SPEAKER_00
What s up, Eric?
5
SPEAKER_00
Not too much.
5
SPEAKER_00
Just, uh, oh, wow.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s a high compliment.
5
SPEAKER_00
Just decided to call in on this special occasion.
5
SPEAKER_00
Uh, not too much, you know, never called in before, but decided today was the day.
5
SPEAKER_00
What made today the day?
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh, mostly Eric Andre being on the air.
5
SPEAKER_00
That makes sense.
5
SPEAKER_01
Hey, how you doing, Eric?
5
SPEAKER_01
Oh, pretty good.
5
SPEAKER_00
How are you doing?
5
SPEAKER_01
Eric, you know what I m saying, player?
5
SPEAKER_01
You hear Candy fucking yapping her way previously?
5
SPEAKER_01
Flap, flap, flapping that candy cane jaw.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yep, you know, got to do it sometimes.
5
SPEAKER_01
I feel you, Big Daddy.
5
SPEAKER_00
So just to get right to it, if you could have a dinner party with any three historical figures, who would they be and what would you serve for dinner?
5
SPEAKER_01
You re a wild cat.
5
SPEAKER_01
Is that a question for me or you?
5
SPEAKER_01
Um, I mean, I was hoping you d answer every Dahmer, Ted Bundy and John Wayne Gacy and they d be eating me.
5
SPEAKER_01
They d be eating me out.
5
SPEAKER_01
Eat my booty hole.
5
SPEAKER_01
Didn t expect that one.
5
SPEAKER_01
Like a fried circle at calamari.
5
SPEAKER_00
Would you introduce any chaotic elements into the meal?
5
SPEAKER_00
Nope.
5
SPEAKER_00
Nope.
5
SPEAKER_00
It d be the most polite meal you ve ever seen.
5
SPEAKER_00
Hmm.
5
SPEAKER_01
I like to have a three
6
SPEAKER_04
most prominent serial killers eating me is not chaotic enough for you.
6
SPEAKER_03
I don t know how that could be made more.
6
SPEAKER_03
I don t know.
6
SPEAKER_03
No napkins.
6
SPEAKER_01
We would use chopsticks instead of forks.
6
SPEAKER_01
I ll have to see if I can get Dolly 3 to show me what that looks like.
6
SPEAKER_04
Oh, brother.
6
SPEAKER_01
Well, last thing, what s your most memorable Whippet experience?
6
SPEAKER_04
I don t know, that s a good question.
6
SPEAKER_01
Have you ever seen people smuggle a tank of nitrous into a festival and bury it and dig it up later?
6
SPEAKER_04
In the ice?
6
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, in the ice coolers?
6
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, I saw a video of that.
6
SPEAKER_04
My most memorable one.
6
SPEAKER_04
I did Xenon one time.
6
SPEAKER_04
Xenon s an element.
6
SPEAKER_04
The stars are created of Xenon.
6
SPEAKER_04
It s like the champagne of whippets.
6
SPEAKER_03
It s very expensive.
6
SPEAKER_04
That s the Scientology god.
6
SPEAKER_04
That s Xenu.
6
SPEAKER_04
Where d you get it?
6
SPEAKER_04
There was a guy that was like, it s not illegal.
6
SPEAKER_04
So the guy was
6
SPEAKER_04
But they usually just sell it in bulk because it s just used for industrial, used to make light bulbs.
6
SPEAKER_04
But I found like a rogue Xenon guy, but he s AWOL.
6
SPEAKER_04
I can t, the last time I emailed him.
6
SPEAKER_04
Oh, damn.
6
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_04
That was quite memorable.
6
SPEAKER_04
I ve also totally like fished out on weapons before where like my brain completely ceased to, I ceased to be alive for like a second.
6
SPEAKER_03
What s your most memorable weapons experience, Eric?
6
SPEAKER_01
Oh gosh.
6
SPEAKER_01
You know, a lot of the time I feel like I actually don t experience much of an effect.
6
SPEAKER_01
Maybe I like don t inhale or something somehow.
6
SPEAKER_01
But so we do this thing at the whip it parties where we get a globe and spin it, close your eyes, move your finger up and down it and see where you stop it.
6
SPEAKER_01
on the globe, and then you have to describe what you imagine that place to be like while hitting the name.
6
SPEAKER_04
You are eccentric, dude.
6
SPEAKER_04
I like this guy.
6
SPEAKER_04
You re a wild, eccentric man.
6
SPEAKER_03
Do you remember what you landed on and what you described it to be like?
6
SPEAKER_01
Oh, gosh.
6
SPEAKER_01
You know, I m going to have to review the tapes.
6
SPEAKER_01
I do have them all.
6
SPEAKER_01
Oh, you videoed this.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, there s actually a lot.
6
SPEAKER_01
It hasn t dropped yet.
6
SPEAKER_01
I think there was a Belize in there.
6
SPEAKER_01
I d imagine it was green, but beyond that, I think it s kind of a spur of the moment thing before you come down.
6
SPEAKER_03
Did you just do a whip it?
6
SPEAKER_01
Um, you know, people think that, but I swear, um, I have not done that today.
6
SPEAKER_01
Sound like you re on opium.
6
SPEAKER_01
I might, I might do one.
6
SPEAKER_01
Uh, well, you know, who knows?
6
SPEAKER_01
Anyway, I don t know.
6
SPEAKER_04
We ve hit a wall.
6
SPEAKER_04
We ve come to a screeching halt.
6
SPEAKER_03
I was thinking I would invite Abraham Lincoln, John Wilkes Booth, and Abraham Lincoln s wife, and I would make them do the thing.
6
SPEAKER_04
Abraham Lincoln, John Wilkes Booth, and Lee Harvey Oswald.
6
SPEAKER_03
Ooh.
6
SPEAKER_03
And I would serve JFK.
6
SPEAKER_00
Slay, honey.
6
SPEAKER_00
What about a surprise guest?
6
SPEAKER_00
Maybe Jack Ruby?
6
SPEAKER_03
Who is Jack Ruby?
6
SPEAKER_00
Jack Ruby shot Lee Harvey Oswald.
6
SPEAKER_03
Oh.
6
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, baby, bring them all to this hypothetical dinner.
6
SPEAKER_03
Is there anything else you want to say to the people at the computer before we go?
6
SPEAKER_01
I think I m good.
6
SPEAKER_01
But thanks so much for your time.
6
SPEAKER_01
All right.
6
SPEAKER_01
Thanks, Eric.
6
SPEAKER_01
Right.
6
SPEAKER_01
Have an excellent one.
6
SPEAKER_04
Okay.
6
SPEAKER_04
You too.
6
SPEAKER_04
He was like a character from Napoleon Dynamite.
6
SPEAKER_03
He was kind of talking like he was asking a question at the Comic Con panel.
6
SPEAKER_03
What do you mean?
6
SPEAKER_03
Like he, like it, he seemed like he was asking a question on like a Comic-Con panel.
6
SPEAKER_03
Like he had like that voice that you use when you ask a question.
6
SPEAKER_03
Like a nerdy guy?
6
SPEAKER_04
Like a nerdy guy voice?
6
SPEAKER_03
Like, not a nerdy guy voice, but like a... I noticed in episode 314 of Xena Warrior Princess.
6
SPEAKER_03
Right, right, right.
6
SPEAKER_03
In that, in that kind of cadence.
6
SPEAKER_03
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
6
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, yeah.
6
SPEAKER_03
Comic book store guy.
6
SPEAKER_02
Hello?
6
SPEAKER_02
Hello?
6
SPEAKER_02
Robin?
6
SPEAKER_02
Yes, hi.
6
SPEAKER_02
Am I, am I on?
6
SPEAKER_03
You re on.
6
SPEAKER_03
You re on with, with, with me and Eric.
6
SPEAKER_03
What s going on, man?
6
SPEAKER_02
Oh, hi.
6
SPEAKER_02
Hi, how are you doing?
6
SPEAKER_02
Not too bad, thank you.
6
SPEAKER_03
What s, uh, how can we get you today, man?
6
SPEAKER_03
What s, what s going on?
6
SPEAKER_02
Um, I just feel very directionless in life.
6
SPEAKER_02
I ve, I ve recently graduated from, uh, from university or college to you.
6
SPEAKER_02
And, uh, yeah, I just sort of got a job the day after graduating and, uh, I just don t really know what to do.
6
SPEAKER_04
What did you major in?
6
SPEAKER_02
Uh, politics.
6
SPEAKER_04
Do you want a career in politics?
6
SPEAKER_02
I don t know.
6
SPEAKER_02
I already work in the House of Commons in the British government, and I don t really know how much you know about British politics, but it s very much not going well right now.
6
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, you guys are a mess over there.
6
SPEAKER_04
You guys Brexited.
6
SPEAKER_04
Can you just undo Brexit and Brentrance?
6
SPEAKER_02
You guys really cut yourself off from the mainland.
6
SPEAKER_02
Literally, yeah.
6
SPEAKER_02
You re a tiny island.
6
SPEAKER_04
I don t know if you know how commerce works, but you really kind of cut off your nose to spite your face.
6
SPEAKER_03
What have you always wanted to do?
6
SPEAKER_02
Well, I don t know.
6
SPEAKER_02
I ve always wanted to travel, but I feel like, yeah, I don t know.
6
SPEAKER_02
I don t know where to go.
6
SPEAKER_02
Where should I go?
6
SPEAKER_02
Why don t you take time off to travel?
6
SPEAKER_04
Why don t you take a sabbatical?
6
SPEAKER_04
Take time off to travel and do some self-exploration.
6
SPEAKER_04
And then when you get back, just marry rich.
6
SPEAKER_04
That s what I plan on doing.
6
SPEAKER_03
That s a good plan.
6
SPEAKER_04
What brings you joy?
6
SPEAKER_02
Watching sports.
6
SPEAKER_02
I saw my first NFL game in London the other day.
6
SPEAKER_02
It was quite good to be fair.
6
SPEAKER_04
Why don t you do some sports?
6
SPEAKER_04
Why don t you pivot into the sports world?
6
SPEAKER_04
Not as an athlete, unless you had the prowess, but, you know, maybe get involved in sports.
6
SPEAKER_04
I don t know.
6
SPEAKER_04
Are you good at rugby?
6
SPEAKER_02
I m not very good at rugby, no.
6
SPEAKER_02
I m not much for sports, and I guess... Well, you don t have to be an athlete.
6
SPEAKER_04
You could, you know, work for the... You know, each one of those teams employs hundreds of people.
6
SPEAKER_03
Where is it that you want to travel to, Robin?
6
SPEAKER_02
I don t know, Australia and Canada.
6
SPEAKER_02
I ve been to Canada before.
6
SPEAKER_02
I ve gone to Eastern Europe as well.
6
SPEAKER_02
Have you ever been to any of these places?
6
SPEAKER_02
Where should I go?
6
SPEAKER_04
It depends on what you like, man.
6
SPEAKER_04
I mean, follow your nose.
6
SPEAKER_03
If Australia and Canada are going, go check them out.
6
SPEAKER_03
I think about this all the time.
6
SPEAKER_03
There s these websites where you can go to get matched up with a family to teach them English or help their kids or work on their farm or some shit like that.
6
SPEAKER_03
I always think about doing something like that.
6
SPEAKER_03
You know, and you can do, I think they like, you do it and then they give you like a bed and like some meals and shit.
6
SPEAKER_03
And it s kind of a way, I think you have to pay to get over there or whatever, but once you re there, I think you re, you know, kind of set up in the country.
6
SPEAKER_03
You ever look into doing something like that?
6
SPEAKER_03
Because if you re out of school and you know, I don t know if you have like a little bit of money or anything, but you know, go experiment with that.
6
SPEAKER_03
That s what I would do if I wasn t.
6
SPEAKER_03
you know, doing, being a gecko.
6
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_02
And I just feel like in my job as well, it s odd because when you work in politics, like there s an election and then you have like five days and then you just get kicked out on the street.
6
SPEAKER_02
Nothing.
6
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_02
I mean, it s intense.
6
SPEAKER_02
It feels really uncertain all the time, right?
6
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_02
I feel like I m a boring corg compared to the rest of you.
6
SPEAKER_04
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
6
SPEAKER_04
You should have heard Candy, man.
6
SPEAKER_04
We were falling asleep with our eyes open over here.
6
SPEAKER_04
No, I m just joking.
6
SPEAKER_04
Candy was great.
6
SPEAKER_04
I m a dumb teaser.
6
SPEAKER_04
The last guy we had was like a
7
SPEAKER_03
methadone or something, so you re like... You re a nice baseline.
7
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, you re a wild, hair-up-your-ass kind of caller compared to the last guy.
7
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, you re bringing me a... Look, I don t know what you re doing for the nation of England, but you re bringing me a nice sense of calm right now, Robin.
7
SPEAKER_03
And I think, you know, trust your intuition.
7
SPEAKER_03
Life is short.
7
SPEAKER_03
Get out there and travel.
7
SPEAKER_03
And through your travels, you might experience some type of self-discovery and some epiphany on what exactly you want to do.
7
SPEAKER_03
Or you might meet somebody that changes the course of your life.
7
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
7
SPEAKER_03
But probably Ayahuasca is what I m hearing from that.
7
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah, try Ayahuasca.
7
SPEAKER_03
Try any psychedelic.
7
SPEAKER_01
Try anything!
7
SPEAKER_01
Get out in the universe.
7
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, you know, you might meet somebody, you might come up with some epiphany.
7
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
7
SPEAKER_01
You know, just leave your house.
7
SPEAKER_01
Leave the nation.
7
SPEAKER_01
Wander about.
7
SPEAKER_01
Like the Nowhere Man.
7
SPEAKER_01
From the Beatles.
7
SPEAKER_00
The Nowhere Man, yeah.
7
SPEAKER_00
I guess it s just stressful being in any government, but it s just...
7
SPEAKER_01
What s your position in the government?
7
SPEAKER_01
He s like, I m the Prime Minister of England.
7
SPEAKER_00
I am Rishi Sunak calling in from... No, I m just, I work with an MP directly, so equivalent of a congressman, just like half helping them with all their tasks and things and writing speeches or whatever, but mostly just like dealing with like the random crap that people write into us about, like,
7
SPEAKER_02
Is he a bit of a cheeky cunt?
7
SPEAKER_02
Is this congressman a bit of a cheeky cunt?
7
SPEAKER_00
Oh, no, no, they re very lovely.
7
SPEAKER_03
You know, I don t know what that means in British, but I love saying cheeky cunt.
7
SPEAKER_03
You can t say it in America.
7
SPEAKER_03
You have to be in Australia or England to get away with saying cheeky cunt.
7
SPEAKER_01
In Australia, if you call someone a cunt, it s a good thing, but a cheeky cunt or a shit cunt would be a bad thing.
7
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
7
SPEAKER_01
Is he a rascat bumbaclat?
7
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it s a nice thing here.
7
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
7
SPEAKER_01
Robin, I think you re a good cunt.
7
SPEAKER_00
I think you re a beautiful cunt.
7
SPEAKER_01
Go spread your beautiful cunt all over Australia, Canada, and anywhere in the world that ll have you, my friends.
7
SPEAKER_01
Um, Eric, I know you gotta go.
7
SPEAKER_01
Do you have any final questions for Robin?
7
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, Robin, I think just quit your job and follow your heart, man.
7
SPEAKER_00
Follow my dreams.
7
SPEAKER_00
Well, I should now.
7
SPEAKER_00
Eric Andre demanded it, so I should.
7
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, yeah.
7
SPEAKER_03
Maybe go to Australia, shelf a pinga and smoke a yippy bean.
7
SPEAKER_00
I ve written that down.
7
SPEAKER_00
I ll do it straight away.
7
SPEAKER_03
Okay, shelving your fingers when you put ecstasy up your ass.
7
SPEAKER_01
Oh, I didn t know that.
7
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, in Australia.
7
SPEAKER_03
That s Australian talk, though.
7
SPEAKER_01
I ran out of British slang.
7
SPEAKER_01
I m learning more than the callers.
7
SPEAKER_01
Hey, take care, Robin.
7
SPEAKER_00
Thank you so much.
7
SPEAKER_00
Have a nice evening.
7
SPEAKER_01
Bye, Robin.
7
SPEAKER_01
Love you.
7
SPEAKER_01
How you feeling?
7
SPEAKER_01
I thought it was going to make you feel bad to ask you that.
7
SPEAKER_01
Thanks for doing this.
7
SPEAKER_01
I really appreciate it.
7
SPEAKER_01
I m a huge fucking fan.
7
SPEAKER_03
I hope you got what you wanted.
7
SPEAKER_01
I was a bit of a snooze.
7
SPEAKER_01
No, no, no.
7
SPEAKER_01
You were great.
7
SPEAKER_01
You were great.
7
SPEAKER_01
I m honored to have you on.
7
SPEAKER_01
I m a huge fucking fan.
7
SPEAKER_01
Thank you.
7
SPEAKER_01
Dude, is there anything that you want to say to, like, you want to plug anything or anything like that?
7
SPEAKER_03
Oh, yeah, I got a podcast.
7
SPEAKER_03
I got a podcast about bombing on big money players network.
7
SPEAKER_03
It s called bombing.
7
SPEAKER_03
I just have comedians and musicians and artists on and asked what their worst gig of all time was.
7
SPEAKER_03
And you re still on tour, right?
7
SPEAKER_03
I m on tour, yeah.
7
SPEAKER_03
EricAndreTour.com.
7
SPEAKER_03
I m in San Antonio on Monday.
7
SPEAKER_03
I m doing my Texas.
7
SPEAKER_03
I m messing with Texas next week.
7
SPEAKER_03
San Antonio, Dallas, Houston, Austin.
7
SPEAKER_03
Then the following week, I go back to the Midwest.
7
SPEAKER_03
Then I ll do a West Coast leg.
7
SPEAKER_03
We re going to add dates too, so don t stress if I m not.
7
SPEAKER_01
And it s not, it s not, you re not doing like traditional standup, right?
7
SPEAKER_01
You re doing kind of a medley of things.
7
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
7
SPEAKER_01
A medley, a cornucopia of, of chaos.
7
SPEAKER_03
It s a little bit, uh, Gallagher meets Gigi Allen.
7
SPEAKER_01
Beautiful.
7
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
7
SPEAKER_03
Interviewing people, uh, destroying the venue.
7
SPEAKER_03
Um, it s very interactive.
7
SPEAKER_03
A lot of fan interactions.
7
SPEAKER_03
If you re a fan and you want to, um, get stuff sprayed on you.
7
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, if you want to come up on stage with me and do crazy shit, this is the time.
7
SPEAKER_01
I saw you, like, hanging somebody up on a cross.
7
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, we ripped off a Jenna Jackson shtick.
7
SPEAKER_03
Like, she used to, like, put people this sex cross and then, like, kind of molest them on stage and, like, hump them while singing a song.
7
SPEAKER_03
So that s what I m doing for my opening monologue.
7
SPEAKER_03
Ericcontratour.com.
7
SPEAKER_03
Ericcontratour.com.
7
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, y all.
7
SPEAKER_01
Thanks, Ben.
7
SPEAKER_01
Thanks, buddy.
7
SPEAKER_01
Phone calls every night.
7
SPEAKER_01
Therapy get those joints right.
7
SPEAKER_01
He s teaching you how to live your life.
7
SPEAKER_01
But he s not really an expert.