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My friend, I am such a big believer that your mindset is everything.
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It can really dictate if your life has meaning, has value, and you feel fulfilled, or if you feel exhausted, drained, and like you re never going to be enough.
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Our brand new book, The Greatness Mindset, just hit the New York Times Bestseller back-to-back weeks.
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And I m so excited to hear from so many of you who ve bought the book, who ve read it, and have finished it already, and are getting incredible results from the lessons in the book.
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If you haven t got a copy yet,
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You ll learn how to build a plan for greatness through powerful exercises and toolkits designed to propel your life forward.
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This is the book I wish I had when I was 20, struggling, trying to figure out life.
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10 years ago at 30, trying to figure out transitions in my life and the book I m glad I have today for myself.
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Make sure to get a copy at lewishouse.com slash 2023 mindset to get your copy today.
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Again, lewishouse.com slash 2023 mindset to get a copy today.
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Also, the book is on audible now, so you can get it on audio book as well.
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And don t forget to follow the show.
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So you never miss an episode.
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I actually think we stay in negative frequencies because we re afraid.
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We re afraid that if we actually move toward a positive frequency we ll become vulnerable or our authenticity will create liabilities for us because now people will see the real us or they ll see the human us or they ll see the vulnerable us.
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I think it takes incredible courage to step out of your shadow and move into your light and I think it s true with every one of these frequencies.
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Welcome to the School of Greatness.
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My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur.
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And each week, we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness.
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Thanks for spending some time with me today.
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Now let the class begin.
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How do we as human beings get to a higher level of frequency in our day-to-day life so that we can have a greater impact in our lives, whether it be our career, our families, our health, our service?
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How can we get there?
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And what are the different frequencies available for us?
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I love that you re starting there.
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I m just going to lob it up for you.
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Unexpected conversation, but I think it s a really important one.
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Yes.
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Last year, I put together a master class called the Art of Communication.
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And actually, out of that, my son Aaron said, hey, dad, could you put together a 15-minute teaching that we could just give away to people?
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And I spent the weekend thinking through, OK, what kind of communication process could I give people?
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And I just went into this deep space where I didn t sleep for three days.
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And my wife saw me at 5 o clock in the morning.
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I was drenched in sweat.
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And she looked at me and says, what is wrong with you?
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What are you doing?
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And I said, I can t stop downloading this.
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And I feel like I downloaded a process called the seven frequencies of communication that we ended up releasing.
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And I basically began to break down human communication on human frequencies.
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And one of the things that I think is really important is to realize that human beings communicate in frequencies, but they re not always positive frequencies.
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The same frequency can have a positive and negative expression of it.
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And when you re listening to different people, there are certain frequencies that you like to hear in, that you hear best, and certain frequencies that maybe you are repelled by, and you actually shut down.
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And so a huge part of communication, people think is, oh, it s what you re saying, or even just how you re saying it, but I don t think it s that.
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I actually think there s a frequency that we communicate from.
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And when that frequency resonates with the listener, it creates this internal resonance where the person goes, yes, this is what I ve been searching for.
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or this gives language to what I ve always felt.
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And in fact, when I spoke at your summit,
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Right before I walked on stage, I had my talk kind of mapped out.
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I don t have an outline when I speak.
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I don t work from notes, but I work from the universe of thought.
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And then I pull down from that universe while I m speaking.
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And right before I walked on that stage, I had been interacting with people, feeling the essence of your event.
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And I realized that your event actually has a dominant healer frequency, which I did not expect.
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Because it s called the school of greatness, so I thought it would have maybe a challenger frequency, or what I would call a motivator frequency, or a different kind of frequency, or even a commander frequency.
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But what surprised me, Lewis, and as I ve listened to you more carefully, is I think your dominant frequency of choice is a healer frequency.
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that your internal intention is to bring healing to people from a place that you ve been healed from.
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Yes.
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Or a place that you re processing healing from.
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And so your event is a healer event.
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Yeah.
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And so right before I walked on that platform, I told myself, start with a healer frequency, which I would say I almost never do.
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Really?
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Yeah.
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And I have a deep sense that I move to a healer frequency throughout my talks.
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but it s not usually where I start.
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Interesting.
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And so I ve identified seven different frequencies.
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They re not the only frequencies in the world, but I would say they re the seven dominant or signature frequencies from which we communicate, which I ve identified as motivator, challenger, commander, maven, professor, seer, healer.
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Okay.
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And when you listen to a speaker, one, if you go to Instagram, if you go to social media, I think there s two dominant frequencies.
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One is the motivator.
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You can do it.
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You re awesome.
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You re worthy.
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You re great.
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And then there s the challenger.
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You owe you.
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Get the job done.
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Do one more pushup.
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There s more in you than you know.
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And then there s the third one out there.
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There s the healer.
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you know, your wounds will become, you know, your message.
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And you can almost hear the same message from different frequencies.
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You know, the motivator saying, Louis, I know that you can do it.
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And the challenger, Louis, I know that you can do it, now get up.
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And then the healer, Louis, you can get past your wounds and you can do it.
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And each one of them will begin, it s not just the words that are said, it s the frequency from which it s said.
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And I ve began to realize that even when, you know, I have a fascination with, I have so many friends who are atheists.
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And one of the things I began to realize is that many of them didn t reject God.
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They rejected the frequency from which God was communicated.
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The way it was delivered to them.
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Yeah.
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Or the messenger was delivered to them.
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Because unfortunately, many times,
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The frequencies that are being used to communicate important truths are the shadow frequency.
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When I first put together the seven frequencies, I asked people, give me a TV show or a movie, and we ll break down the characters.
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Overwhelmingly, people wanted Friends and Secession.
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I didn t even know Friends was still a thing, but it is still a thing.
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It s huge, yeah.
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It s huge.
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So I looked at Secession, because I love Secession and all the characters in it, and I was terrified when I finished.
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I couldn t find a single one of the seven frequencies.
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Really?
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And I thought, oh no, this doesn t work.
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And then I went back and went back to the pilot, started watching the first three shows and I realized, oh my goodness, every frequency is the shadow frequency.
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Of every character.
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Of every character.
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Oh my gosh.
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There isn t a positive frequency in the entire show.
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And so instead of the motivator, you have the performer.
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Instead of the challenger, you have the manipulator.
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Instead of the commander, you have the dictator.
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Each time there s a frequency in succession and all seven frequencies are laid out in that show, but they re always the negative frequency.
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And I thought this is a really telling dynamic because we re learning how to communicate from the shows we watch.
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We are learning how to communicate from the characters in our favorite films and our favorite shows and our favorite series.
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And that s the frequency that we re actually beginning to resonate with and the frequency we think will bring us success.
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It s also just a familiar thing if you re watching something over and over again.
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Even if you don t believe it s the correct way of being, it s hard to just not consume something constantly and be in an environment and not bring in some of that into your life probably.
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I don t know.
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It s like you have to really check yourself and set an intention of like, okay, this is entertainment.
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I m not gonna take on these behaviors and really disassociate from this from my way of being.
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I don t know.
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When I was in my 20s,
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I realized I had a defense mechanism.
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Whenever I felt in any level of psychological danger or relational danger, I had a cutting destructive wit.
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And I was fast and I was cruel.
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Cut people down.
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I could cut like a stiletto.
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Wow.
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And the moment someone would start bantering with me,
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It just, it was like open game.
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Cause if you banter with me, if you cut me down, if you said something negative to me, if you tried to make fun of me or embarrass me in front of people, it just, it just turned on.
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And it was somewhere in my early twenties where I realized
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I don t know how to mediate this, so I have to kill it.
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Because being funny is great, and I love doing stand-up, and I love doing comedy, I love being funny, but I realized I had to change the rules for me.
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And I changed the rules.
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I would never be funny at the expense of someone else.
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I would only be funny at my own expense.
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You affirm and compliment people, you make fun and demean yourself.
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And I don t mean demeaning in a negative way where you re thinking badly of yourself, but you just become self-effacing.
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And that shift in my 20s changed my life.
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Because I was able to take that same communication strength and now use it in a way to build and affirm and encourage other people.
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And I love the fact that now decades later, one of my core values is to be a voice of hope.
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And years ago, I identified that as one of my singular missions in life, was I wanted to be a voice of hope.
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And I wanted to be a voice of hope to people who were overwhelmed by life, despair, depression, anxiety, stress, and or great challenges.
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And just always convince people, help people see that the future is better than their past.
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And I think that shift in my early years going, I m not going to use the negative frequency.
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to make myself look more powerful.
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I m going to use my frequency in a positive way to empower other people.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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Why do you think so many people stay in a negative frequency for so long in their life and they re unable to get out of that lower level frequency?
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The first thing that comes to my mind is fear.
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I actually think we stay in negative frequencies because we re afraid.
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We re afraid that if we actually move toward a positive frequency, we ll become vulnerable, or our authenticity will create liabilities for us, because now people will see the real us, or they ll see the human us, or they ll see the vulnerable us.
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And, you know, if you watch, like, Secession, and you look at, you know, Roman, and you look at, he s always entertaining, like he s, you know, but what he really wants, so desperately, is to be loved.
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You know, and with each one of those characters, you realize you get these moments, these glimpses into their brokenness, these glimpses into the humanity, the part of them so desperately wants to be seen and known, healed and loved.
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And they can t because they always go back to their default mode.
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I think it takes incredible courage to step out of your shadow and move into your light.
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And I think it s true with every one of these frequencies.
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And the way I would say would be best to identify frequency is when you re communicating and you re thinking about yourself, you re usually working from your negative frequency.
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When you re communicating and you re thinking about the contribution you can make in the lives of others, you re working from a positive frequency.
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And ironically, it will shift fear.
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When I just spoke at an event, there were, I think, 7,000 people live, 150,000 people online, and 350,000 that will be registered in the end.
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And I didn t feel afraid at all.
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I felt wonderful energy on that platform.
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And ironically, right before I got on stage, you would think I would say something like, this matters, or change the world, or you can do it.
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I said two words to myself, have fun.
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That s great.
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And because I felt like a huge part of it in that event is that people just needed to know that life can be enjoyed.
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This is this huge business event.
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It s all these leadership principles.
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It s no high management.
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It s all these CEOs.
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And, and there s a certain point where I m, I m wondering, do you wake up in the morning and love your life?
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You know, and do you take the time to enjoy taking deep breaths and looking at sunrises and, you know, just seeing the beauty of life all around you?
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And I wanted to get on stage and on that platform and just have fun and create a moment where other people could take a deep breath and go, Oh, life can be really beautiful.
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It can be really good.
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And the moment you get out of yourself and you re just asking yourself, how do you serve this moment?
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How do you help the people in this room?
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You re moving into a positive frequency, which by the way, is one of the things I just love about you.
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I genuinely, I get to know you outside of this space.
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You know, and I just know how much you care about people, how much good you want to do in the world, and how important it is for you to make a positive impact on the world while you re alive.
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Yeah, I appreciate it.
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Thank you.
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And every time you do that, you re communicating this incredibly powerful frequency to the world that not only affirms other people and encourages them, but it actually puts them in tune
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with this positive frequency, where now they can actually pass it on to other people.
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So how do you set others to be more in tune and more in alignment with their highest level of frequency?
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How can each individual do that for others?
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Yeah, without making it sound too simplistic, I actually think... Simple s good sometimes, you know?
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Yeah, I think it s love.
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I think that when you re motivated by love, the frequency moves to its purest light.
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And when you re motivated by the need to be loved, it can actually become self-indulgent and destructive.
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But when you are motivated to love, and I know this feels too idealistic, but where you re just genuinely trying to live your life for the good of the other.
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And that s a high ideal, right?
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But it s okay, we can aspire toward those, right?
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And we can all accept the fact that we re broken and fragmented and imperfect and all those other things.
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But I think the beautiful thing about love is that love can come, I think, from a really beautiful and pure place in your soul.
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And so when you communicate,
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you want to communicate in a way where you re genuinely serving the good of others.
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My frequency is a frequency that is identified as maven.
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And the challenge with being a maven is that
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uh, you re always violating other people s views of reality.
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And I actually, years ago, somebody asked me, like, what do you see as like your intention?
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I go, my intention is to violate your view of reality.
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I was very clear.
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And, um, I just questioned everything.
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I attacked
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anything that people say is truth, and I break it down, and I feel, in a sense, I m ruthless on my own examination of my own beliefs, my own convictions, of my own thoughts, and right before I came here, my daughter goes, be kind.
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Kind?
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You don t have to be kind to me, yeah.
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No, I said, I am kind, but she knows that when I m talking about an idea, I don t see an idea as a person.
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And I think ideas, you know, beliefs, convictions, and that s what s, I think, unusual about Mosaic.
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I mean, I believe in God, and, you know, obviously I believe in Jesus, but I question that every day, and I press it every day, and I don t allow myself the space to just go, I just believe because I believe.
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And I think that s the way I m designed.
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But if I move into a negative in that, I can just become an anarchist where I m just trying to destroy everything and leave nothing standing.
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Tear it all down.
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Yeah.
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And it s like, okay, I can prove everyone is wrong, but there s nothing that s right.
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So I m not making the world better.
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And so you have to really look at that shadow and go, okay, am I trying to help everyone move toward a better truth, a more beautiful truth?
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Or am I just trying to prove that everyone s wrong and that I m wrong too?
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And even when I was searching for God, I was okay if there was no God.
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Like, I was on this search and I was like, hey, if there s no God, I m good with it.
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I just want to kind of come to some conclusion for myself, not for anyone else in the world.
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And when I met people who believe in God, I would argue with them that there was no God.
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And I would find some level of satisfaction destroying their view of God.
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And when people were atheists and did not believe in God, I would argue for God.
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And I had to come to this realization of,
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I don t really care, I just love the argument.
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But I think some of it was I wanted someone to win the argument so that I could have some level of peace in my life.
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I was hoping someone would convince me that there was a God.
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Or hoping someone would convince me there wasn t a God so I could just be at rest.
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Stop arguing, yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Yeah, because the argument was really with me.
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Right, interesting.
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And I think that s the dilemma of the maven frequency.
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But the upside of the maven frequency is that you re always pressing people toward the new, the unexpected, the innovative.
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Someone asked me about AI the other day, because everybody s terrified about artificial intelligence.
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And they said, do you believe that artificial intelligence will replace all the writers?
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Because here we are in LA with the writer s strike.
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And I said, look, AI may be able to write the greatest story that s ever been written, but AI will never be able to write the greatest story that has never been written.
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And that for me is what s exciting, is what has never been written, what has never been thought, what has never been created.
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And ironically, I ended up becoming a person who believes in God.
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And with an internal universe, it s always questioning everything.
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You can imagine how insane it is in my head, Louis.
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Which is why when I wrote The Genius of Jesus, I was asking the question, how is it possible that I believe in Jesus?
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How is it possible?
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My whole life revolves around this guy who lived 2,000 years ago.
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Even that for me, I understand the insanity of it, craziness of it.
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And yet when I can t deny
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is how radically my life has been revolutionized, how something happened in my inner world where I found inner peace, where now I wanted to live a life of love, where all of a sudden I actually wanted to be a person of humility and virtue and integrity, and not because anybody else wanted me to, not because anyone was forcing on me.
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Well, what really shocked me was when I was all alone and I wanted to be the best human being possible.
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Yeah.
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Without anyone else s external constraints on my life.
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That to me is my best proof of God.
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That s cool.
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And speaking of that, wanting to be the best person you can be possible, if we go back to succession.
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Yeah.
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Is it possible to fully give love to others if you don t know how to fully love yourself?
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You know, that s why Jesus said that, you know, to love your neighbor as you love yourself.
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But if you don t love yourself, you re not going to love your neighbor.
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Right.
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Yeah.
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And because we reflect on others what we really feel about ourselves.
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If you hate yourself, you will treat other people with disdain.
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But when you love yourself, there s a difference between loving yourself and being in love with yourself.
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And I think the difference is significant and subtle.
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A narcissist is in love with themselves.
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But a healthy human being loves themselves.
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They know they have value.
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They know they have worth.
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And they know that they have the right to be treated with respect and value.
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And when you know that about yourself, then you know that about every other human being.
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What happens sometimes, and even in my shift, I talk about how you find who you are.
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And I ve traveled to maybe 70 countries around the world and I ve met people across this entire planet.
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And everywhere I go, I find really kind people.
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I find people who wanna do good in the world.
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I find trustworthy people.
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but I ve talked to people and they go, oh yeah, and I ve traveled the world and you can t trust anyone.
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Everyone s out for themselves.
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You know, everyone s greedy.
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And I realized we re both traveling the same world, but we re not meeting the same people because you find who you are.
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Wow.
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Yeah.
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Or the frequency you re at.
2
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Yeah.
2
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And, and so I think the dynamic here is that when you love yourself, you actually value loving others.
2
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When you do not love yourself, you do not value loving others.
2
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And so it does begin here, because you need to realize that your self-worth is a reflection of everyone else s self-worth.
2
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Really?
2
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Explain that.
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Say that again, and then what does that mean?
2
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When I was in college at Chapel Hill, I was in the psychology department, and we took all these assessments.
2
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And there was this one question that I thought was really interesting.
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I d never forgotten.
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Of all the assessments I ve ever taken, it said, given the right circumstances, any person would steal.
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And here was my dilemma.
2
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I was now a new person of faith, and I was told, you know, everyone s sinful, so I should say yes.
2
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Everyone would steal, given the right circumstances.
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But something inside of me couldn t say yes.
2
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And so now I was dealing with this either theological truth or this human truth.
2
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And I can t explain the human truth, it was just what I felt inside of me.
2
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And so I answered no, and this is the way I framed it in my mind.
2
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Given the right circumstances, every person would steal.
2
SPEAKER_01
No, in the right circumstances, the person wouldn t have to steal.
2
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It s only in the wrong circumstances that a person would steal.
2
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And this is, the reason I point this out is because I believe anyone can change because I ve changed.
2
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I mean, I watch a lot of shows that say, people don t change.
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And you ve probably had people on your show who believe people don t change.
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I know people can change.
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And the reason I know people can change is because I ve changed.
2
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And if I can change, anyone can change.
2
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See, what you conclude about yourself is what you ll project on other people.
2
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And so if you re not worthy of love, no one s worthy of love.
2
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If you re not worthy of forgiveness, no one is worthy of forgiveness.
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In fact, ironically, if you won t forgive yourself, you will never forgive anyone else.
2
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Wow.
2
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But when you forgive yourself, you are now living in the state of grace.
2
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And so when you forgive yourself, now you have the capacity to forgive other people.
2
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And so ironically, one of the things for me is, I turned 65 this August and I live in a constant state of grace because I don t expect myself to be perfect.
2
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I live long enough now to go, oh, I m still dysfunctional.
2
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I m borderline neurotic.
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And Louis, even on a serious level, I still struggle with something that would be described like night terrors.
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Night terrors.
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But they re night terrors at a level that I don t even know how to express to you.
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SPEAKER_00
Like nightmares?
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No, I have the psychological or neurological condition where I m awake and asleep at the same time all the time.
2
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
2
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And I wake up in the middle of the night and I m in my nightmares, but I m wide awake.
2
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And unfortunately, I had this one nightmare where I ve died like a thousand times.
2
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Holy cow.
2
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And twice in Copenhagen, I fell asleep for like 20 minutes.
2
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And I was in this nightmare calling my son, telling him, come, I m dying.
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I want to say goodbye.
2
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I mean, my family has watched this for years.
2
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My wife has watched me walking to the house in this other state, fighting off death.
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trying to say goodbye to her and her family.
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Holy cow.
2
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And this happened to me again last week.
2
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And so it s not like something in my past.
2
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This is something I ve lived with since probably I was five years old.
2
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Wow.
2
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And I can t even fully express the psychological trauma of having died a thousand times.
2
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Oh, that s intense.
2
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And carrying it and wanting, and my poor kids, my son called me at 4.30 in the morning.
2
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And I was calling him to say goodbye.
2
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Wow.
2
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And so I understand when I m talking about all these things, I understand the reality of trauma.
2
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I understand what it s like to have like deep wounds and scars in your soul.
2
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My joy in life isn t trauma-less.
2
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My love for people and my love for life and my sense of wholeness is not separated from the fact that I have like deep scars and deep wounds inside of me.
2
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But those scars, even those nightmares don t define me.
2
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I m defined by something much larger than that.
2
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And I think it s what allows me to connect to people.
2
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So when you know that you have deep scars, you understand other people have deep scars and you re able to resonate with that and you re able to empathize with it and you lack judgment over people s lives.
2
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And that s why I just, I don t have room for condemnation.
2
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Like I don t have room to judge people because there s so much you could judge me for.
2
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And I know that we re all sort of in transition and we re on the journey toward our wholeness, even while we have found like tremendous wholeness.
2
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And when you understand that about yourself, you now understand that about everyone else.
2
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And it just makes you so much more empathetic.
2
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Like, I just never have bitterness.
2
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It s weird.
2
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I don t have resentment over anyone.
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And in fact, psychologically,
3
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if you ve like hurt me really badly, I almost forget that it ever happened.
3
SPEAKER_01
Really?
3
SPEAKER_01
Someone sent me an email this past week apologizing for something they did like 10 years ago.
3
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And you forgot about it.
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I couldn t remember what they did.
3
SPEAKER_01
Really?
3
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At all.
3
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And they were like so deeply like sorrowful.
3
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And I, you know what I thought?
3
SPEAKER_00
Were you always that way?
3
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Always.
3
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I mean, you ve always been this kind of forgiving and forgetful of the pain.
3
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I think it s the only way I could deal with deep level of pain.
3
SPEAKER_01
Interesting.
3
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Because I realized that bitterness
3
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would corrupt me, would ruin me, would shape me in a way I didn t want to become.
3
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And my only response to that person is, I m just so sad you ve carried this for 10 years.
3
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Wow.
3
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Because if you ve carried this for 10 years and now you re asking for forgiveness, you could have been free of this 10 years ago.
3
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Wow.
3
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I had this.
3
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And it s almost impossible to be at the highest level frequency when you re holding on to that type of frustration or resentment.
3
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When you re holding on to unforgiveness, you cannot move to your highest frequency.
3
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
3
SPEAKER_01
When you re holding on to bitterness or jealousy or anger, you re always going to move toward those lower frequencies.
3
SPEAKER_01
And you can see that in people.
3
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Even people that you like and enjoy, you can see that their negative frequency is their more natural frequency.
3
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They have to fight for that positive frequency.
3
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And what they don t realize is that your frequency is coming from your essence.
3
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And if you want to express yourself from your most powerful and positive frequencies, you have to forgive.
3
SPEAKER_01
You have to let go of bitterness.
3
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You have to let go of things like envy and jealousy.
3
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And really fill yourself with hope and love, with joy, with compassion, kindness.
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean, there s so many that...
3
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So many people you work with or know as friends that I work with or I ve had on here who have a high level of, they have a high standard for their life, their career, their business, their talent, their gifts, right?
3
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Their art.
3
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They have a standard.
3
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They want it to be great.
3
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They want to outperform.
3
SPEAKER_00
They want to over deliver.
3
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And they want to do that consistently over time.
3
SPEAKER_00
Sometimes that can creep into a perfectionism and it wasn t good enough mindset or frequency or energy.
3
SPEAKER_00
How can we continue to develop and grow and innovate and drive beyond our grasp as human beings while also having grace for if we never reach where we want to go?
3
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I think that s a really important question.
3
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For a moment, you knew it was to people who are in the entertainment industry, like actors.
3
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I just want to just focus for one moment there, because you look at a great actor like Heath Ledger, who played the Joker and took on this really dark, negative shadow frequency.
3
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which I think actually began to destroy him from the inside out.
3
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Because what he ended up doing is not acting that he was in that frequency, but actually taking on that frequency and translating that on the screen.
3
SPEAKER_01
I think one of the great challenges for great artists is that oftentimes it s that negative frequency that drives a lot of their creative expression.
3
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And then they re supposed to move into a positive frequency the moment they re done.
3
SPEAKER_01
And that negative frequency stays with them.
3
SPEAKER_01
But then I want to shift over to your question about pursuing perfectionism and giving yourself grace.
3
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I think when you pursue perfectionism, you re pursuing the outcome.
3
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And I think that s a terrible mistake.
3
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And I think that when you pursue the beauty of the process, that s actually when you give yourself grace.
3
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I, you know, years ago, someone accused me of being a perfectionist and I always think it s interesting.
3
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Usually people who have very low standards are the ones accusing people of being perfectionist, you know?
3
SPEAKER_01
And I told him, I said, no, the way I know I m not a perfectionist is the moment it s done, I m moving on.
3
SPEAKER_01
You re not obsessing about the outcome.
3
SPEAKER_01
No, because once it s done, it s done.
3
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And I obsess about the process and I want the process to be true and honest and real and excellent.
3
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And my son, I think the other day coined this phrase about elegant excellence, which I really love.
3
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And it s, no, actually it was effortless excellence, which is even better.
3
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He said, because when you achieve a level of greatness, it looks effortless.
3
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And what happens is that that person has been so committed to the process that the outcome looks effortless.
3
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And that s what I want to achieve in my life.
3
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I just want to love the process.
3
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People ask me all the time, how do I know I m pursuing the right dream?
3
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Or how do I know if this is my destiny?
3
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Or how do I know if this is my calling?
3
SPEAKER_01
And for me, it s really simple.
3
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If you re drawn by the outcome, it s not your dream.
3
SPEAKER_01
If you love the process, it s your dream.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
If you re drawn by the outcome, it s not your destiny.
3
SPEAKER_01
But if you love the process, it s probably your destiny.
3
SPEAKER_01
And the same way with the calling.
3
SPEAKER_01
Some people go, oh, I want to do what you do.
3
SPEAKER_01
I ve had so many people over the years tell me, I want to do what you do.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I go, are you willing to do what I did?
3
SPEAKER_01
And they re like, no.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m not.
3
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It s a lot.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s a lot.
3
SPEAKER_01
And because I ve had the opportunity to speak on stages to millions of people around the world.
3
SPEAKER_01
I would have never imagined that opportunity.
3
SPEAKER_01
It was never my ideal.
3
SPEAKER_01
I never thought, oh, one day I m just going to speak to millions.
3
SPEAKER_01
I really, every day I was going, I just want to be able to communicate.
3
SPEAKER_01
hope and meaning and life to whoever I interact with.
3
SPEAKER_01
And at first it was just one-on-one and it was one-on-five and one-on-ten.
3
SPEAKER_01
And being true to those moments is what prepared me for the next moment.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, if you re only thinking about the outcome, the dream, the results, and that s where you want to be, and that s the goal.
3
SPEAKER_00
And if you re not enjoying the process, when you get to the goal, it s just going to be a miserable experience getting there.
3
SPEAKER_00
You re not going to be enjoying the hard work and appreciating the process of how you re progressing.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, because fame isn t a state of being.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s a vapor.
3
SPEAKER_01
And you can be famous in one moment, infamous the next.
3
SPEAKER_01
And you know, so it s way better to pursue a life where you re worth knowing, not a life where you re well known.
3
SPEAKER_01
What s the difference between being worth knowing and well known?
3
SPEAKER_01
Because a person may only have 10 friends, but we re worth knowing because their life has brought so much good to the people around them.
3
SPEAKER_01
I, some of the most extraordinary people I know have almost no social media following, right?
3
SPEAKER_01
They don t care.
3
SPEAKER_01
And, and they, they just live their life to do good.
3
SPEAKER_01
They re always serving their friends.
3
SPEAKER_01
They re always bringing hope and inspiration to people around them.
3
SPEAKER_01
And if you focus on being worth knowing, then if your influence grows, it ll, it ll actually have value in the world.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I think one of the challenges with social media is that you can become famous just for existing.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I think that s where you will not have sustained success unless you actually begin to build who you are as a human being.
3
SPEAKER_00
When someone is famous for just existing,
3
SPEAKER_00
and maybe not for adding value beyond existing, which existing is valuable, obviously, but when you re extremely popular for existing, without generating some type of value from people, what happens to them later down the line, if they re popular, famous for existing, as opposed to adding value?
3
SPEAKER_01
It s not even what happens down the line, it s what s happening to them right now.
3
SPEAKER_01
that all their energy is being focused on their persona rather than their personhood.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, everything s being focused on what other people see about them and say about them, rather than who they re becoming, what they say about themselves.
3
SPEAKER_01
And that s why you find so many people who have rapid fame have such deep self-loathing, because they know that they re not what everyone loves.
3
SPEAKER_01
Wow, interesting.
3
SPEAKER_01
And what people long for is to be loved.
3
SPEAKER_01
And what they ll settle for is to be admired or to be adored or to be worshipped.
3
SPEAKER_01
But what they really want is to be known and to be loved.
3
SPEAKER_00
But if someone has a big following or they re famous, will they not feel that they re loved by that audience?
3
SPEAKER_01
How do you explain how many artists
3
SPEAKER_01
have millions of followers that end up with such a radical drug addiction or alcohol addiction that their whole lives collapse before they re 30 years old.
3
SPEAKER_01
Why is that, do you think?
3
SPEAKER_01
It s because human beings are not created to sustain a persona.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I use this psychological assessment that deals with image management.
3
SPEAKER_01
And what I found is that most successful people that I ve graphed have an image management on a scale of one to 99 from 90 to 99.
3
SPEAKER_01
And so one of the great challenges is that they spend so much energy thinking about what other people
4
SPEAKER_01
think about them.
4
SPEAKER_01
And on that same scale, my number is an 11, which is kind of funny because my wife s is in the nineties.
4
SPEAKER_01
I think it ll be okay to say this.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I was leading this marriage event in Mexico and we re dealing with this image management stuff.
4
SPEAKER_01
And my wife s like, I don t like the fact that my image management scores in the nineties.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like what will people think of me?
4
SPEAKER_01
She goes, and I hate that yours is an 11, because that s half the problem in our marriage, that you don t care what people are saying about you.
4
SPEAKER_00
So 100 is what?
4
SPEAKER_00
You care a lot what everyone thinks about you?
4
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_01
99 is you re spending all of your energy building a persona of what other people think about you.
4
SPEAKER_01
An image, a brand to your community.
4
SPEAKER_01
And a one would be, I don t care what you say.
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t care what you think.
4
SPEAKER_01
And maybe they don t even have any social etiquette.
4
SPEAKER_01
They might need a little bit of image management.
4
SPEAKER_00
Well, sometimes there are people that say, I don t care what anyone thinks, but they actually care so much.
4
SPEAKER_00
So much, that s right.
4
SPEAKER_01
And that s true.
4
SPEAKER_01
And they re creating a negative image because it matters so much.
4
SPEAKER_01
But what s funny is, so one day, I went and worked out in the gym.
4
SPEAKER_01
I was playing some paddle tennis.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I came back, and I groaned.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I went, oh.
4
SPEAKER_01
She goes, what s wrong?
4
SPEAKER_01
And I said, I hurt my back.
4
SPEAKER_01
She goes, shave your beard.
4
SPEAKER_00
Shave your beard.
4
SPEAKER_01
I started laughing.
4
SPEAKER_01
I said, honey, that s image management.
4
SPEAKER_01
Uh-huh.
4
SPEAKER_01
You think that if I shave my beard and look younger, it ll deal with my back pain.
4
SPEAKER_00
Interesting.
4
SPEAKER_00
To yourself.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
And she started laughing hysterically because it s so true, right?
4
SPEAKER_01
You know, it s that you can become convinced that if you can change your externals, it ll fix your internals.
4
SPEAKER_01
But it s so much... That s limited, it s superficial.
4
SPEAKER_01
Maybe for a short period of time, but not... It s so much harder to convince someone, change the internals.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
And it will transform your externals.
4
SPEAKER_00
I mean, for someone that is a talented artist, an athlete, an actor, an entrepreneur, anything.
4
SPEAKER_00
Someone that s got talent that s really developing themselves and maybe they want to do something bigger and they would love to have a bigger audience that recognizes their art, talents, or unique abilities.
4
SPEAKER_00
what advice would you give to them right before they re about to pop off and have hundreds of thousands or millions of people all of a sudden aware of who they are, their gift, and their talent?
4
SPEAKER_00
So that they set themselves up to be healthy as opposed to reliant on the opinions of that audience.
4
SPEAKER_01
I think the most important thing is to have three to five really good friends before you re famous.
4
SPEAKER_01
it that you know are with you because of who you are and not what you accomplish.
4
SPEAKER_01
And they re, they re not the ones that are riding on your success.
4
SPEAKER_01
They re the ones that are with you and, and are committed to your success.
4
SPEAKER_01
Because I think what happens so oftentimes is, um, we let go of those people.
4
SPEAKER_01
And, and then when we become famous, we surround ourselves with people who only say yes to us.
4
SPEAKER_01
And, and that becomes a real challenge.
4
SPEAKER_01
I mean, a huge part of what I do in coaching one-on-one is just tell people the truth.
4
SPEAKER_01
And it is so much harder than you think, right?
4
SPEAKER_01
Because I remember one time having a conversation with someone that lasted a few hours.
4
SPEAKER_01
And when they finally saw it, actually, it wasn t.
4
SPEAKER_01
It lasted about two months of coaching.
4
SPEAKER_01
And after two months, I gave them this insight.
4
SPEAKER_01
And they said, how long have you known that?
4
SPEAKER_01
And I said, from the first minute.
4
SPEAKER_01
Right, of knowing you or meeting you, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
And they said, why don t you tell me right away?
4
SPEAKER_01
And I said, it s one thing to know something about you, it takes longer to get you ready to hear it.
4
SPEAKER_01
And you can say it and if a person isn t ready to hear it, it doesn t go anywhere.
4
SPEAKER_01
And so what you want is you want people in your life that just tell you the truth and you don t throw them out of your life.
4
SPEAKER_01
And when Kim and I were friends, I was about to take off on a trip to New Orleans and we got in a fight and she said, you are so arrogant.
4
SPEAKER_01
And my immediate thought was, I don t need this.
4
SPEAKER_01
I can date someone who thinks I m humble.
4
SPEAKER_01
But my backup thought was, I m probably going to marry this person.
4
SPEAKER_01
Because it doesn t even matter if she s right or wrong.
4
SPEAKER_01
I just assumed she was right.
4
SPEAKER_01
And what mattered was that she cared more about telling me what she thought than the relationship.
4
SPEAKER_01
And we ve been married 40 years, and I think one of the things that s really helped me is to be married to someone who would just tell me what she really thought.
4
SPEAKER_01
Really thought about me, really thought about my choices, really thought about my attitude, really thought about my journey.
4
SPEAKER_01
And that has given me a great relational compass in my life.
4
SPEAKER_01
And even when I would start some huge projects, like when I started Mosaic, there were four families.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I said, I m a person that s gonna make some radical changes.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m gonna innovate and create things that maybe have never existed before.
4
SPEAKER_01
But I want to make sure that these four families, they were not innovative or creative, but they had deep integrity.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I told myself, if these four families ever say to me, what you re doing is unethical, I will stop.
4
SPEAKER_01
Right.
4
SPEAKER_01
And so I let, and they were not my friends.
4
SPEAKER_01
They were acquaintances.
4
SPEAKER_01
They were just people I identified as having incredible virtue.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I told myself, they re my benchmark.
4
SPEAKER_01
And, you know, 40 years later here in LA or 30 years plus, they re still with me.
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, that s cool.
4
SPEAKER_01
And it is very, very amazing, you know, but they, and probably 20 years later, I told them you were my benchmark.
4
SPEAKER_01
And because you need to have those, you need to have some external benchmarks in your life.
4
SPEAKER_01
You need to have people who go, hey, Louis, you were okay, but you re not okay right now.
4
SPEAKER_01
Or, I don t know if that decision is the best thing for you.
4
SPEAKER_01
And you have to have people that you trust and that you can still disagree with, but you let the counsel kind of seep in.
4
SPEAKER_01
And you process it and then you make your own decision, but at least you have those voices in your life.
4
SPEAKER_00
How does someone,
4
SPEAKER_00
when they ve gained recognition, fame, or some type of audience or community, and they haven t had that advice beforehand, and they re caught up in it now, how do they get back to a place of peace or wholeness or self-awareness about who they are as opposed to what everyone s thinking about their own identity?
4
SPEAKER_01
I think this is why there s been an explosion of masterminds.
4
SPEAKER_01
Uh-huh.
4
SPEAKER_01
Because when you re already successful,
4
SPEAKER_01
you re not really willing to listen to everyone.
4
SPEAKER_00
Right.
4
SPEAKER_01
But you are willing to listen to a peer group.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_01
And you re willing to be in an environment where people are as committed to excellence or success or whatever you re committed to.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I started this one mastermind for business guys.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I was at this event, saw this business guy.
4
SPEAKER_01
I think when he was 30 years old, he had his company at $100 million.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then from his own description, due to his arrogance and character, he lost the entire company.
4
SPEAKER_01
His board voted him out.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then he rebuilt another $100 million company.
4
SPEAKER_01
So he s a pretty successful guy.
4
SPEAKER_01
So we sit down and we re starting to talk.
4
SPEAKER_01
He goes, so what do you see?
4
SPEAKER_01
And I said, what I see is that you re going to die alone.
4
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
4
SPEAKER_01
And he just kind of looked at me and I said, you re super successful, but what you communicate to people through your essence is stay away from me.
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t need you.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m not going to give you access to who I am as a human being.
4
SPEAKER_01
I said, I met you the same day and I named three or four really influential people.
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SPEAKER_01
I said, all of them have become my friends and all of them have become each other s friends, except for you.
4
SPEAKER_01
You don t have to be my friend.
4
SPEAKER_01
I may not be interesting enough for you, but you need to have some friends in your life.
4
SPEAKER_01
And if you react to them the way you reacted to me, I know you re alone.
4
SPEAKER_01
And later on, some other business guy came up and said, Hey, this guy told me that you, you know, kicked him to the curve, you know?
4
SPEAKER_01
And he said, no one talked to me like this, but I didn t have anything to lose.
4
SPEAKER_01
I wasn t trying to get anything from him.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I, I just looked at him.
4
SPEAKER_01
I thought, this is a really interesting human being.
4
SPEAKER_01
who, if he could just make a small incremental shift in his life, could be super successful and not alone.
4
SPEAKER_01
And so he came up to me that night, he goes, so what do I do?
4
SPEAKER_01
And I said, start saying yes to people.
4
SPEAKER_01
So literally, I never meant to start a mastermind, ever.
4
SPEAKER_01
That night, I decided to start a mastermind.
4
SPEAKER_01
I sent out a text, and he was the first one to sign up.
4
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
4
SPEAKER_01
You know, and I really started it for him and 11 men that I knew he would respect.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I think some of it is you need to have people in your life that you respect.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then you have to have someone in your life that maybe you kind of respect more than yourself, that maybe has taken the journey a little further than you.
4
SPEAKER_01
And don t come to me to learn real estate.
4
SPEAKER_01
Investing in real estate.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, don t ask me about tech stocks or anything like that.
5
SPEAKER_01
If you want to know how to live a whole life and how to have sustained success, that s something I m good at.
5
SPEAKER_01
That s something I know.
5
SPEAKER_01
And so you have to find people who have an expertise in where you want to go in your life.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_02
That s interesting because I m a part of a mastermind peer group that there s a number of men and women that I ve known for, I don t know, 15 years in this industry that I m in, right?
5
SPEAKER_02
And there s a number of men in there who are probably 10, 15, 20 years older than me.
5
SPEAKER_02
And I said at one point when I was kind of sharing my turn at this mastermind, I said, you know, I really appreciative of the seasoned men in the room who have made mistakes and led the way with, you know, how to do things the correct way and all these different things.
5
SPEAKER_02
And so now every time I get a group text from them saying, us seasoned men, but I was like, well, you guys are just much smarter than me.
5
SPEAKER_02
So I don t know what you want me to say, you know?
5
SPEAKER_02
But I definitely think we need to surround ourselves with people that we really respect and we look up to in ways that we can strive for.
5
SPEAKER_02
It s what you did with those first four families when you were starting Mosaic.
5
SPEAKER_02
It s like you looked up to the way they lived their life and their virtues.
5
SPEAKER_02
Absolutely.
5
SPEAKER_02
And it doesn t matter if they re much older than you, your same age, or even younger than you.
5
SPEAKER_02
Are they doing things you can look up to that they have been consistently doing over time and have that honesty, which you said, which I think is really cool.
5
SPEAKER_02
You know, this guy sounds like he was really successful in one way.
5
SPEAKER_02
What was his frequency coming from in your seven frequencies, if you could show just a frequency?
5
SPEAKER_01
He was a commander.
5
SPEAKER_02
A commander.
5
SPEAKER_02
So he
5
SPEAKER_02
He was like, I m going to take charge.
5
SPEAKER_02
I m going to get things done.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, he had one frequency.
5
SPEAKER_02
And that s the shadow, or what s the shadow side of that?
5
SPEAKER_02
Dictator.
5
SPEAKER_02
Dictator.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_02
And so when you live in the shadow side of your frequency, it sounds to me like you can create results, but there s always going to be some type of fallout somewhere.
5
SPEAKER_00
Everyone in this session was successful.
5
SPEAKER_00
Right.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, well, or completely unsuccessful.
5
SPEAKER_02
All right.
5
SPEAKER_02
Depending on how you measure success.
5
SPEAKER_02
It seemed like they were all lonely, alone, lacking love, lacking self-love, appreciation.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, so much brokenness that was there.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, and you could see
5
SPEAKER_01
where a life will go, even with a negative frequency that s very powerful.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I think in the 60s and 70s, a lot of football coaches really operated from negative frequencies.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
5
SPEAKER_01
And it was acceptable.
5
SPEAKER_01
That s the way you re supposed to coach, is with negative frequencies.
5
SPEAKER_01
And now, you know, you have other coaches, you know, I mean, I feel like Pop and, you know, Steve Kerr and, you know, even Phil, you know, Jackson, and they began using different frequencies to teach.
5
SPEAKER_01
And, you know, whether it s like a professor frequency or, you know, a motivator frequency.
5
SPEAKER_01
And even to some degree, sometimes you feel like they have a combination of like a healer frequency.
5
SPEAKER_01
Even some great coaches see their role as turning these young boys into men.
5
SPEAKER_01
and helping them heal through their wounds and giving them a chance to really develop and grow.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I think even the world of athletics has shifted in the way people coach.
5
SPEAKER_01
And it s really just shifting from the shadow to the positive frequency in a person s life.
5
SPEAKER_01
And
5
SPEAKER_01
And you ve known, you can watch someone on stage, all right, because you have a lot of people come speak and I m sure they re not all exactly what at times you had hoped.
5
SPEAKER_01
Sure.
5
SPEAKER_01
You know, you can watch someone who is a motivator, but you re realizing, wow, the room isn t really being motivated because they re really performing.
5
SPEAKER_01
And what they re really needing is affirmation of love from the room.
5
SPEAKER_01
And they re not trying to motivate the room, they re trying to get the room to motivate them.
5
SPEAKER_01
They re not affirming the room, they re trying to get the room to affirm them.
5
SPEAKER_01
Have you ever seen that, felt that?
5
SPEAKER_01
Or the challenger, we realize, the challenger can become a manipulator.
5
SPEAKER_01
And you can tell when there s a challenger on stage that s manipulating because they re not actually focused on inspiring and driving people toward their greatness, but to do what you want them to do.
5
SPEAKER_01
And it s subtle, but it s not as subtle when you pay attention to it.
5
SPEAKER_01
And frankly, this is my dilemma.
5
SPEAKER_01
I remember years ago, I met with Oprah s producer.
5
SPEAKER_01
They were looking at maybe doing a TV show.
5
SPEAKER_01
And she said, to do well on television, you have to either be flamboyant,
5
SPEAKER_01
or authentic? 
5
SPEAKER_01
And she said, authentic is harder.
5
SPEAKER_01
And she goes, our dilemma with you is that you re authentic and you re not flamboyant at all.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I said, oh, does that explain Christian television?
5
SPEAKER_01
Because it s almost all flamboyant.
5
SPEAKER_01
And she goes, exactly.
5
SPEAKER_01
And my dilemma is like, you know, as a person of faith is when I watch, quote, faith programming, I almost only see negative frequencies, really.
5
SPEAKER_01
And it does concern me a lot of times because I think,
5
SPEAKER_01
What is it about, one, human beings that we re actually drawn to negative frequencies?
5
SPEAKER_01
Why are we so drawn to the drama, the chaos, the breakdown?
5
SPEAKER_01
Because it reaffirmed our negative frequencies.
5
SPEAKER_01
Because when we hear a negative frequency, it reaffirms our negative frequency, and we don t have to change.
5
SPEAKER_01
Oh, man.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, so you have to be careful, because what you re drawn to tells you who you are.
5
SPEAKER_02
what you re drawn to tells who you are.
5
SPEAKER_02
Man, I was a broken person drawing in all these relationships in the past, man.
5
SPEAKER_02
I was broken.
5
SPEAKER_01
Even when the person has like a healer frequency, but it s a shadow, they become the guru.
5
SPEAKER_01
And they convince you, you cannot be healed without them.
5
SPEAKER_01
Right.
5
SPEAKER_01
And they become your source of healing.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, that s dark.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, and even, honestly, in the role I ve had as a pastor, I m always really hesitant.
5
SPEAKER_01
People go, I need you to pray for me.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I go, you actually don t.
5
SPEAKER_01
You just, you need to pray.
5
SPEAKER_01
There s no difference between my praying and your praying because you have the same access to God that I do.
5
SPEAKER_01
I spent my life making sure that no one thought that somehow I had this magical power that I was the intermediary between them and God.
5
SPEAKER_01
I go, nah, you re like, I m a mess too.
5
SPEAKER_01
Sure.
5
SPEAKER_01
I m praying too.
5
SPEAKER_01
I m asking God to do stuff and nothing happens a lot of times either.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I think it s really important.
5
SPEAKER_01
And as a healer, your focus isn t trying to get healed by other people s need for you.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I m sure you ve seen that when someone so desperately needs to be loved that they re needing to be healed and that healer frequency is inverted on them.
5
SPEAKER_01
And to me, that s one of the most dangerous ones because that s how culture started, is when that person with the healer frequency has a shadow frequency and they become the guru.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_02
Why do you think hurt people hurt people?
5
SPEAKER_02
I don t know if you ve heard that saying before.
5
SPEAKER_01
I have heard that saying.
5
SPEAKER_01
The problem with cliches is that they re quite often true.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
Well, I think, one, I think when you re hurt, you think anger is a strength.
5
SPEAKER_01
you think bitterness is a strength.
5
SPEAKER_01
Because if you stop and think about it, when you re bitter, you don t feel weak.
5
SPEAKER_01
See, when you re angry, you don t feel weak.
5
SPEAKER_01
You feel powerful.
5
SPEAKER_01
You feel powerful.
5
SPEAKER_01
Strong.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
And so what happens is that these negative emotions hide your own vulnerability and weakness and pain.
5
SPEAKER_01
So as long as I m bitter, I don t have to think about the fact that I ve been betrayed.
5
SPEAKER_01
As long as I m angry, I don t have to think about the fact that I m so deeply wounded, I can t even deal with it.
5
SPEAKER_01
And so we use these negative emotions to feel powerful.
5
SPEAKER_01
And it s the most terrifying thing in the world to let go of those negative emotions because now you re completely powerless.
5
SPEAKER_01
And you have to trust that if you can let go of hate, that love is more powerful.
5
SPEAKER_01
That if you can let go of bitterness, that forgiveness is more powerful.
5
SPEAKER_01
That if you can stop hurting people, that you will not get more hurt.
5
SPEAKER_01
But here s the problem.
5
SPEAKER_01
Whenever you love, you risk being hurt.
5
SPEAKER_01
So I can t say to someone, if you ll just love, you ll never be hurt.
5
SPEAKER_01
In fact, I m going to say the opposite.
5
SPEAKER_01
If you choose to love, you will be hurt.
5
SPEAKER_01
But when you love, you have enough strength to overcome that hurt.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I think that s a part of the challenge of it is that the most dangerous thing in the world is intimacy.
5
SPEAKER_01
And it s what we long for the most.
5
SPEAKER_01
That s what we fear the most.
5
SPEAKER_01
And that s why it s such a dangerous place.
5
SPEAKER_01
And so it s so much easier, you know, Lewis to judge people than to, uh, be honest with their own shortcomings, right?
5
SPEAKER_01
It s so much easier to hurt you so that you can t hurt me first.
5
SPEAKER_01
Years ago when we had the whole thing with the Unabomber, if you remember that, and there s all these studies on people living in isolation and they re becoming mass murders.
5
SPEAKER_02
And what ends up happening is- Because you don t hear about someone who s fully loved and has a great community and friends.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
When you feel rejected by the world, you reject the world.
6
SPEAKER_01
Hmm.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
And when you feel that the world is your enemy, your only act of human engagement is violence.
6
SPEAKER_01
And that s the greatest danger in the human spirit.
6
SPEAKER_01
It could be violence towards others or towards yourself.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, because the self-loathing is so deep that your only expression of yourself is violence.
6
SPEAKER_01
And that s why it s so important to not move toward isolation.
6
SPEAKER_01
Human beings are not designed for isolation.
6
SPEAKER_01
We re not designed for disconnection.
6
SPEAKER_01
We re designed for community.
6
SPEAKER_01
Why do you think we are always finding ways to identify together?
6
SPEAKER_01
You know, I mean, whether it s church or synagogue or temple or the Rams or the Chargers or the Lakers or the Clippers, everyone finds a community.
6
SPEAKER_01
Everybody finds a tribe.
6
SPEAKER_01
I mean, isn t it the silliest thing in the world for a full grown man to be wearing
6
SPEAKER_01
jerseys of players that are half their age.
6
SPEAKER_01
But we re Rams fans.
6
SPEAKER_01
And I m a Rams fan.
6
SPEAKER_01
And I have a wonderful relationship with Sean McVay.
6
SPEAKER_01
And so now we re huge Rams fans.
6
SPEAKER_01
But you have whatever, 60,000 people and they re screaming
6
SPEAKER_01
and they all have something in common in that moment.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s not just the event on the field, it s the commonality in the arena that connects people together.
6
SPEAKER_01
We are designed for human community.
6
SPEAKER_01
We re designed for relations.
6
SPEAKER_01
The pandemic, if you could ever have a social experiment to see how humans do alone, the pandemic gave us that.
6
SPEAKER_01
The quarantine proved that human beings do not do well alone.
6
SPEAKER_01
We cannot survive isolation.
6
SPEAKER_01
And what s so funny is that when people, have you ever thought to yourself, I m in the rat race, I m moving so fast, I have all these responsibilities, I have all these obligations.
6
SPEAKER_01
If I could just get everything to stop, then I could really fix myself.
6
SPEAKER_01
I could really do my inner work and I could really be healed.
6
SPEAKER_01
So the whole world stopped and no one got better.
6
SPEAKER_01
Right.
6
SPEAKER_01
You know why?
6
SPEAKER_01
Because the problem isn t what s going on around you.
6
SPEAKER_01
The problem is what s going on inside of you.
6
SPEAKER_01
And when the world stopped, your inner world didn t change.
6
SPEAKER_01
You are now in a, um, in a chamber, an echo chamber where all you could hear was the stuff inside of your soul.
6
SPEAKER_01
And it wasn t good.
6
SPEAKER_01
And I had so many people that just struggled with depression, anxiety, stress, even suicidal thoughts because of that quarantine, because of that isolation.
6
SPEAKER_01
And I made an internal choice.
6
SPEAKER_01
I mean, during the pandemic, I wrote a book, I wrote a graphic novel, I started a fashion company.
6
SPEAKER_01
I just kept creating the whole time.
6
SPEAKER_01
And frankly, it s because my inner world is a creative space.
6
SPEAKER_01
My inner world was actually a healthy space.
6
SPEAKER_01
And so during the pandemic and the quarantine, I actually found an incredible space to create and to enjoy life and see beauty all around me and to serve a lot of people.
6
SPEAKER_01
And every Friday I took my smoker and I cooked dinner food for 40 people and people would drive by my house and pick up dinner for their families.
6
SPEAKER_01
I just kept finding ways to create, and my wife went crazy.
6
SPEAKER_01
I mean, she put chairs in the front yard and had all the neighbors coming by and stopping, and she would create these outdoor installations where people come and take photographs with their families, and she would just keep creating these beautiful moments where people all over Hancock Park could experience some joy and some laughter and some community.
6
SPEAKER_01
And what you do know is that when you are finally by yourself, you get to realize what s really inside of you.
6
SPEAKER_01
And what I know is that I m healthy, or at least healthier, because I have community.
6
SPEAKER_01
And if I did not have community, I don t think I could have survived that experience at the same level of creativity and productivity.
6
SPEAKER_00
What is the, you know, based on the new book that you have now called Mind Shift.
6
SPEAKER_00
Oh, we re going to talk about the book.
6
SPEAKER_00
It doesn t take a genius to think like one.
6
SPEAKER_00
What is the mind shift that people in the world need to think about right now?
6
SPEAKER_00
After isolation and after lots of transformations and loss and grief and all these things, what is the mind shift that we need?
6
SPEAKER_00
And what is kind of the main thesis behind the book that I want everyone to get?
6
SPEAKER_01
Sure, there are 12 basic mind shifts in the book, but the overarching mind shift, which is what you re asking me, is that
6
SPEAKER_01
most of your limitations are actually internal, not external.
6
SPEAKER_01
And in fact, there s one page in the book, I think it s the first page, it s only one sentence.
6
SPEAKER_01
So the first page of the book is one sentence that says, the intention of this book is to destroy your internal limitations.
6
SPEAKER_01
The book has one singular purpose, and that s to destroy your internal limitations.
6
SPEAKER_00
Because there are certain external limitations that may be limiting you in some ways.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, of course.
6
SPEAKER_00
But the internal... They re the ones that matter.
6
SPEAKER_00
They re the ones that matter.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
In fact, I was... I had a friend s, Joel s bachelor party, right?
6
SPEAKER_01
And so he turns it into a mastermind where I end up teaching for three hours and then doing two hours of Q&A and then two hours of coaching.
6
SPEAKER_01
And one of the guys said, you know, I m working for this company and I just keep hitting this wall.
6
SPEAKER_01
And if I could just get past this wall, I could get this huge promotion and have this huge advancement.
6
SPEAKER_01
But I just can t break through this wall.
6
SPEAKER_01
Can you help me figure out how to break through this wall?
6
SPEAKER_01
And I said, okay, stop.
6
SPEAKER_01
I want you to imagine yourself right now on the other side of that wall.
6
SPEAKER_01
And just imagine your life, imagine your career.
6
SPEAKER_01
He goes, can you see it?
6
SPEAKER_01
He goes, I can.
6
SPEAKER_01
And I said, do you want that life?
6
SPEAKER_01
And he goes, no.
6
SPEAKER_01
And I said, you are the wall.
6
SPEAKER_01
And most of the time in life, we actually think we re hitting walls that are external, but the walls are actually internal.
6
SPEAKER_01
And Louis, I can look at my life.
6
SPEAKER_01
Most of the ceilings throughout my life were all mine.
6
SPEAKER_01
I took the plaster.
6
SPEAKER_01
I put the brakes on and then I yelled at the world and yelled at God for limiting me.
6
SPEAKER_01
And I created my own limitations.
6
SPEAKER_01
And so what I wanted to do in the book is I wanted to make these small mental shifts that if a person makes, it will unlock their life at a ridiculous level.
6
SPEAKER_01
And the idea of the book, you know, when you write a book, you don t really know when you start it, right?
6
SPEAKER_01
The idea kind of is there for a while, but I know exactly when this book started.
6
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
6
SPEAKER_01
October 26th, 1990.
6
SPEAKER_01
That s a long time ago.
6
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
6
SPEAKER_01
33 years ago.
6
SPEAKER_01
On October 26th, 1990, I was listening to sports radio driving through Dallas, Texas.
6
SPEAKER_01
And the day before on October 25th, Buster Douglas defended his title against Evander Holyfield.
6
SPEAKER_01
Eight months earlier, on February 11th, in Tokyo, Japan, Buster Douglas knocked out Mike Tyson in the 10th round.
6
SPEAKER_01
He has eight months to train to prepare to defend his title.
6
SPEAKER_01
He comes into the fight overweight, out of shape, unprepared.
6
SPEAKER_01
Gets knocked out, doesn t he?
6
SPEAKER_01
And then I think the third round, right?
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
He looks terrible.
6
SPEAKER_01
He looks sloppy.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
He was living that champ life.
6
SPEAKER_00
He was like, eh.
6
SPEAKER_00
He s from my hometown, Columbus, Ohio.
6
SPEAKER_01
OK.
6
SPEAKER_01
So sports radio, they re talking about Buster.
6
SPEAKER_01
And one guy said,
6
SPEAKER_00
Before the fight or after the fight?
6
SPEAKER_01
No, after the fight.
6
SPEAKER_01
They re reflecting on this terrible defense, right?
6
SPEAKER_00
Really bad.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
And they said, why do you think Buster didn t even try?
6
SPEAKER_01
Which is a really important question.
6
SPEAKER_01
And then the other guy said this, which was to my own embarrassment, he goes, Buster Douglas is like a great guy.
6
SPEAKER_01
He s even like a Christian.
6
SPEAKER_01
About great.
6
SPEAKER_01
He s deeply religious.
6
SPEAKER_01
And then the third guy said, some people are simply structured for failure.
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And when I heard that statement, it shook me.
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And in that moment, it shifted from Buster Douglas to me.
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And I went, wait a minute, am I structured for failure?
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Do I have the internal structures for failure or the internal structures for success?
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Or do I have a combination of those and my internal structures for failure are warring against my internal structures for success?
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And that s why sometimes I m succeeding and then I m tripping over myself and failing.
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And am I creating pathways to success and then creating all the roadblocks for failure at the same time?
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And then what hit me with Buster Douglas is that
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he actually knew how to handle failure.
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He had lost, I think, five fights before that.
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So it wasn t failure that he didn t know how to handle.
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It was success he didn t know how to handle.
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And so on that day, October 26th, 1990 is when I began writing this book, My Shift, because that s when I began
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objectively studying internal structures of failure and asking the question, what are the internal structures of failure and success?
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And I m like you, I m a very optimistic person.
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I m incredibly hopeful.
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So the moment I see negative, I see the positive right away.
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So I m going, oh, wow, I m going to study these negative structures for failure, but I m going to actually begin to construct all the positive structures for success.
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And I was working with the urban poor at the time.
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I was working in the inner city with a lot of gangs, with a lot of drug runners and people trapped in poverty.
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And I knew that if I could change their internal mental structures, I could actually prepare them for a life of success.
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And I realized that poverty creates self-limiting structures.
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And one of the things you have to do for a person is not just give them opportunity.
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You actually have to change their internal mental structures so they can see those opportunities and take advantage of them.
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And you can t just give them what looks like success without changing those structures internally.
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It all begins internally before it begins to be actualized externally.
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And so I wrote MindShift because I thought, wow, if I had just known these things in my 20s or known them in my 30s or even my 40s, if I had had clarity about them,
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I would have accelerated my success at a faster level and I would increase my influence dramatically.
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So what is the main thing that you can see in someone that says they are structurally prepared to welcome success in their life and handle it and potentially stay successful versus someone that
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is not prepared, they re wired for failure or structured for failure, and when success comes, it s all downhill after that.
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What s the difference between those two?
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I d say if I had to pick one word, because remember, I have 12 chapters, right?
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One word, it s ownership.
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One of the chapters of the book is called, You Are Your Own Ceiling.
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And when you take ownership over your life, and I had some pushback on this the other day, because I spoke about this at the Global Leadership Summit, about that our limitations are self-imposed.
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You can have trauma in your life, you can have circumstances and situations that are dramatic, but the structures that are internal,
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are self-created.
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They re your response to those circumstances, to those traumas, to those situations.
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And somebody said, that s so unfair.
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You know, you re putting all the blame on the person.
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No, I m not.
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I m giving all the ownership because if the limitations are external, you re powerless.
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You re relying on someone else to give you power.
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Someone s got to fix it.
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But if the limitations are internal, you re powerful.
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So to me, no, this is the most optimistic, positive, empowering mindset framework.
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If those limitations are within me, and I ve created them out of spots of the world around me, then I can change them.
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And I can redirect them and realign them.
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And so maybe I became bitter.
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Maybe I m a hurt person who hurt people.
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And I thought hurting people is the only way to survive a world that constantly hurts me.
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But that s the mindset I created.
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But now I realize, oh, this is a self-limiting mindset.
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If I m always gonna hurt people, I will never be loved.
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If I m always gonna hurt people, I ll never know closeness.
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I ll never know intimacy.
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I ll never have friendships.
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I m gonna live my life alone.
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See, the moment you realize, oh, this self-limiting mental structure of hurting people, because I ve been hurt, is actually costing me everything I want in life.
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And then you go, OK, it doesn t feel right, but I m going to forgive.
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It just feels so counterintuitive.
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But I m going to let go.
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I m going to forgive people.
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And the moment you forgive and you begin to open yourself up to people and begin to trust people, your life changes instantly.
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It s radicalized.
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I know this as an athlete, like one of the chapters talks about talent.
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And what I find is people who are highly talented when they re young actually struggle with having structures for sustained success.
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Really?
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They do.
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Because their talent is usually matched with external structures for success.
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So if you re a super athlete, they put you on a team.
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And then they give you a coach, and they create discipline in your life.
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And they manage that talent.
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It s not self-discipline, is what you re saying.
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No, it s an external structure.
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And that s why about 75% of all pro football players, five years after they re
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done with their career are bankrupt.
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It s why about at least half to three quarters of them are divorced, drug addicted, dead, or divorced within two to three years after their career s over because their talent did not require them to create internal structures.
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Interesting.
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Because they re external structures.
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See, I had the great gift of not having talent.
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And when you have low talent, you have to create high internal structures.
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Because if you re going to succeed, if I m going to match against someone who has high talent, I have to have a harder work ethic.
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And extreme discipline.
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I have to be more disciplined.
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I have to have more determination.
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I have to create a different internal structure because I m at a liability.
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And so I have people in my life who were super talents when they re young.
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And I grew up with them.
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And I was considered nominally talented, average.
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then the moment we re out of high school and the moment we re out of college and the moment we re in the real world, they actually lost momentum and I accelerated.
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In fact, they couldn t figure out how suddenly, now that we re in our 20s, I d look like a super talent and they look like they lack talent.
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And the difference was that talent is a hallucinogen.
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It s an illusion that allows you to believe you do not need discipline and hard work to succeed in life.
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But greatness is not the outcome of talent.
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Greatness is the outcome of discipline.
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And it s taking that talent and harnessing it to its optimal capacity.
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Yeah.
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I don t know if you ve watched the sports documentaries Untold.
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I don t know if you ve seen this.
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I have seen that one.
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It s on ESPN.
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It s on Netflix.
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But it s a series of sports documentaries.
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And there was one of Johnny Manziel that just came out.
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Oh, I just started watching that one.
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That one, yes.
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So that s on Netflix, that series, right?
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And here s the guy who was the most talented, you know, the first Heisman Trophy winner as a freshman in college, beating Alabama in Alabama.
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talented, right, an incredibly talented guy, the next year plays, gets drafted in the first round, goes to the, unfortunately, my team, the Browns, and... And is that really a team?
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Hey, you know, you know you re a real fan when you support a team that never wins, you know, for your whole life.
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That s like me with the clippers over there.
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Um, and he talks about, I don t know if you finished it, but at the end he was like, they asked him, how much film did you watch in NFL your whole time in the NFL?
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And he says, zero.
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He didn t show up for film.
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He wasn t disciplined.
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He was partying on the weekends and he thought his talent would allow him to deliver at the next level.
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And talent alone didn t work for him.
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And he had it at an early age.
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And so that s, um, that s definitely something that, you know, I felt like I didn t have the talent, but I had the,
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the work ethic, the discipline, the willingness to remove distractions from my life, you know, all these different things to focus, to show up, and make the most of my talent as well, so.
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Yeah, I think there s the curse of talent.
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And especially when you are a prodigy at a young age.
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Yeah.
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Or you win Olympic gold at 16, and you re like, now what?
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You know.
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And fortunately, most of us, you know, we have some degree of talent, but not so much that
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we begin to live in this mythology that we don t have to work hard.
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You know, but it s such a small little shift when you think about, you go, oh, okay, I can accomplish almost anything if I m willing to pay the price to develop the disciplines, to develop the skills to accomplish this.
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And so I actually think there s like no limit, you know, which is why for me, I ve been able to, you know, went to Felham and, you know, did fashion and write books and speak and all these different things because
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I always know, Hey, I m starting the same way, no matter what I do, zero talent, a lot of determination, high learning mode.
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And, um, and I remember years and years ago, I said, look, eventually, uh, determination gets mistaken for talent and hard work gets mistaken for genius.
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Which is why the subtitle of the book, it doesn t take a genius to think like one.
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Because really, what s the point of having a high IQ if you don t make good choices every day of your life?
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And to me, the real genius is making the choices that give you the life that you ve longed for.
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The optimal expression of who you are as a human being.
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And you know, this is embarrassing, but they just downloaded TikTok on my phone.
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Don t get hooked on it.
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And so I started watching TikTok.
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And all of a sudden, I started getting a little addicted.
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And it started coming up on all these musicians that were auditioning.
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I don t know, X Factor or some show, I have no idea.
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America s Got Talent or something.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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And every time some unknown person sang, I would start crying.
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And I m like, what s wrong with me?
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This is a product of age now, you know?
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And I realized
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What my passion is, is helping people discover their latent potential.
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One of the things I think is tragic is when people never live or have their genius or greatness identified and appreciated in life.
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And so every time I see a small glimpse of that, I actually get really moved.
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And I realized that no, a part of my huge drive in life is to help people find these small,
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granular shifts that unlock their own like genius and their greatness and their potential and their capacity.
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And I want people to be surprised.
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I want people to go, I never knew I was capable of this because I look back on my life now, Lewis and I go.
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I just can t believe I get to live this life.
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Yeah.
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I can t believe this happened to me.
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I can t believe that I ve been able to accomplish these things.
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I can t believe that, you know, I write books and do all this stuff and can t believe I get to have a conversation with you.
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Like it s, it s all like, like a dream for me.
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It s all a miracle.
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Life is fun.
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And it s so good.
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And I want that for everyone.
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Yes.
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At the level at which they were designed to live it, you know?
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And cause I just think there s people right now that are living a life
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that s imposed on them.
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And there s a little voice inside of them just saying, you know, you re created for a different life, but they haven t found the courage or maybe the encouragement, you know, to step into that.
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And for me, it s like if I can help one person just find the courage or the encouragement to go, I m gonna begin to live this new life, this life that I feel like I was created to live.
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Who cares if you fail?
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It s so much more fun failing at a life you long for than a life you didn t want anyway.
8
100%.
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I want to make sure everyone gets this book, Mind Shift.
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It doesn t take a genius to think like one.
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And if you feel like you re not built for success at the levels you want, if you don t feel like you have the internal systems to sustain
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accomplishments and the success that you want in your life, this will support you shifting your mind in a way to set yourself up for success in a bigger way.
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So make sure you guys take a look at this.
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If you re afraid of failure, if that s one of the things that holds you back from your potential, putting your potential out there, get this book to support you in overcoming that fear and insecurity so you can build the internal systems stronger for the success you want in your life.
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Excited about this.
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I want people to go get a copy or two.
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They can go to erwinmcmanis.com for all your information.
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Also, we were talking about the frequencies earlier.
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You ve got a program on frequencies and communication frequencies, right?
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Yeah.
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And if people want to access the seven frequencies of communication, we re about to come out with an assessment, which is going to be really exciting.
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Where can we get that?
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Well, the best thing to do is to join our learning community called The Arena.
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And go to erwinmcmanis.com slash The Arena.
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There s a membership involved, and all the content we create is accessible for free there.
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That s cool.
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And then we ll do live sessions.
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I ll be walking people through the seven frequencies.
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We re going to take people s messages, their talks around the world, and help them break down their talks based on different frequencies.
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Oh, cool.
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It would be fun someday to do something like that with you.
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For sure.
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And some of the maybe people at the summit.
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And we ll study some world-class speakers, because I think the best speakers oftentimes use two frequencies at the same time, and they almost seem to be conflicting frequencies that create a huge powerful edge like healer and commander at the same time.
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It makes a uniqueness.
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Captivating, right?
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Yeah.
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And I really have a passion to teach people to communicate at the highest level possible.
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I think words are beautiful.
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It s an art form.
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I think communication should be both poetry and prose.
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It should teach us things, but it should also inspire us and create imagination and images in us.
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You re also on TikTok now, it sounds like, so make sure to follow you on TikTok.
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I think my team s got that out there.
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I don t want to admit that.
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I was kidding.
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But we can follow you everywhere on Instagram, social media, erwinmcmanis.com.
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If you re in LA, go to Mosaic.
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It ll be one of the most inspiring hours, hour and a half of your month or of your year, especially when you are there speaking.
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So make sure you guys go to Mosaic.
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Check it out.
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Um, very grateful for you.
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And, um, I ve asked you the question about three truths in the past before.
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So if people are interested in learning your three truths, we ll link up the previous interview with Nick and you ll listen to that and hear your three truths.
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I want to appreciate and acknowledge you, Erwin, for just your constant leadership, your constant support, your friendship.
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And it s just very special for me to be in your world.
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So I m grateful for you.
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I m glad we re friends.
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I m glad I live in L.A.
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so I can go watch you at Mosaic when I have the chance.
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and appreciate you constantly redefining your age, your 60s, you re redefining 60s, you re still sharing, contributing, creating, serving at a high level, and I think that s what makes you so youthful, energetically, and so young, energetically, because of your level to commit to others, your service to others.
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So, grateful for you, appreciate you, love you.
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Thank you so much for being here.
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I hope today s episode inspired you on your journey towards greatness.
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Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a rundown of today s show with all the important links.
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And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me as well as ad free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our greatness plus channel on apple podcast.
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If you enjoyed this, please share it with a friend over on social media or text a friend, leave us a review over on Apple podcast, and let me know what you learned over on our social media channels at Lewis Howes.
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I really love hearing the feedback from you and it helps us continue to make the show better.
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And if you want more inspiration from our world-class guests and content to learn how to improve the quality of your life, then make sure to sign up for the Greatness Newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com slash newsletter.
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And if no one has told you today, I want to remind you that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter.
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And now it s time to go out there and do something great.