0
SPEAKER_01
I brought you a pen and a Moleskine from the event.
0
SPEAKER_01
What?
0
SPEAKER_01
Pen from the hotel and Moleskine for your future writing.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, Liz, it s your birthday.
0
SPEAKER_01
No, but it s like the event.
0
SPEAKER_01
I know you wanted me to be there.
0
SPEAKER_00
Wow, you re so sweet.
0
SPEAKER_00
So you can start your amazing essay.
0
SPEAKER_00
Did you get a Moleskine too?
0
SPEAKER_01
No, it s mine.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m giving it to you because I want you to write.
0
SPEAKER_01
You re such a good writer.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yesterday, we kind of decided we needed new deadlines.
0
SPEAKER_01
We did decide that.
0
SPEAKER_01
We did.
0
SPEAKER_01
And now you re saying it out loud.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m sorry.
0
SPEAKER_00
I m sorry.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m holding us accountable.
0
SPEAKER_00
Good job.
0
SPEAKER_00
I know.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_00
So either today or next week, we re going to assign new challenge.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_00
You said, I m going to try something new.
0
SPEAKER_01
I did.
0
SPEAKER_01
But also your writing is so amazing and people love it so much.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s not so much about any of the nice things you just said.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s just that I need a deadline to do it.
0
SPEAKER_00
And unfortunately, I m not building that in other than here.
0
SPEAKER_00
What a wonderful space to do it in.
0
SPEAKER_00
I think we should do again, you should give me a title.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_00
I like that.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay, great.
0
SPEAKER_00
But then what are you going to do?
0
SPEAKER_00
I mean, you really... Oh, God.
0
SPEAKER_00
Are you going to learn a new instrument?
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh, no.
0
SPEAKER_01
What do I do?
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay, I do.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh, my God.
0
SPEAKER_01
But I m going to say it and I m immediately going to regret it.
0
SPEAKER_01
I have always really wanted to play the harp.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh, shit.
0
SPEAKER_01
When I was little, but I think it costs a lot of money.
0
SPEAKER_01
I can t buy a harp.
0
SPEAKER_00
I wonder if we know someone who has one and you could like go there.
0
SPEAKER_00
Wait, I feel like I do know someone.
0
SPEAKER_00
Who has a harp?
0
SPEAKER_00
Or like whose mom is a harpist.
0
SPEAKER_00
A harpo.
0
SPEAKER_00
A harpy.
0
SPEAKER_00
I ll think about it.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s just when I was little, we had a little
0
SPEAKER_01
little patio door situation.
0
SPEAKER_01
And my dad always blamed me for this, but the screen was all fucked up because I would like, I would like open it too hard and not and be very careless with it.
0
SPEAKER_01
So it had little like grit, like almost felt like it was a little harp.
0
SPEAKER_01
So I would position myself with the screen and I would pretend to play it because I loved the idea.
0
SPEAKER_01
Did you have like an instrument or like a fantasy elitist thing you would want to do?
0
SPEAKER_00
I had such a robust fantasy life, but I don t think any crossover with instruments that much.
0
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I played the piano for two years until my bad recital, as we ve talked about.
0
SPEAKER_00
And I went to Lincoln and Delta s play this past weekend, and it was Newsies.
0
SPEAKER_00
And in, like, an interstitial, they played The Entertainer.
0
SPEAKER_00
Do you know that song?
0
SPEAKER_00
You know it, like... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
Very common.
0
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if that s in Newsies, originally, or if they just were, like, playing some music for the transition.
0
SPEAKER_00
Anyway, The Entertainer was the first song I learned how to play on the piano.
0
SPEAKER_00
It made me— It did make me feel like, fuck, I really wish I knew how to play.
0
SPEAKER_01
That could be a double challenge.
0
SPEAKER_01
How many challenges?
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God.
0
SPEAKER_00
I also want to learn calligraphy.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, that s out of left field.
0
SPEAKER_00
I guess that s one you re talking about.
0
SPEAKER_00
That s elitist.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
0
SPEAKER_01
That s an elitist, like hearkening back to a past, a romantic, like Jane Austen vibes.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_01
Harp and calligraphy would be Pride and Prejudice.
0
SPEAKER_00
It would.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, it could be our PNP era.
0
SPEAKER_00
But the problem is calligraphy isn t so great for a podcast medium.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
I don t think it s necessarily going to translate.
0
SPEAKER_01
Also, the elephant in the room is that today is the beginning of the new astrological calendar.
0
SPEAKER_01
We were told this last night and then I Googled it and it s correct.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh, good.
0
SPEAKER_01
And it s spring equinox, so equal amount of daylight.
0
SPEAKER_01
Moonlight.
0
SPEAKER_01
Today.
0
SPEAKER_01
Well, yesterday.
0
SPEAKER_01
But we re entering it.
0
SPEAKER_01
So it s an invitation for more work-life balance and balance in general.
0
SPEAKER_01
Good time to set goals.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s kind of a new... Because, you know, there was a new year and then we made all these goals and challenges and then, you know... Shit happened.
0
SPEAKER_01
Shit happened.
0
SPEAKER_01
And now we have a new... It s like a second new... Rebirth.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s a rebirth.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s a redo.
0
SPEAKER_00
Well... A new year redo.
0
SPEAKER_00
This is a pin, ding, ding, ding, because we will be talking about Adam Grant.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
0
SPEAKER_00
Article, which is directly connected to what you just said.
0
SPEAKER_00
It is.
0
SPEAKER_00
Also, that s very lucky that your rebirth coincides with your actual birth.
0
SPEAKER_00
Your birthday was yesterday and yesterday is the day.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yes, that s true.
0
SPEAKER_00
That s really good luck.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it s kind of an opportunity.
0
SPEAKER_01
By the way, I try and remind myself of this on a daily basis, which is like, if I m having a horrible day and I m like, oh, like today sucks, or like shit happened that I didn t want it to happen, or I m in a bad mood, things aren t going my way, like any hour, any minute in the day, I can look at the clock and start over.
0
SPEAKER_01
So this is like a reminder that you can start the year over at any time.
0
SPEAKER_00
Any point.
0
SPEAKER_01
And especially now, because like, it s technically- Astrology says so.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, astrology says so, so you have to.
0
SPEAKER_00
Well, I spilled my tea twice on the way here.
0
SPEAKER_00
You did.
0
SPEAKER_00
And so I felt like it was a bad day.
0
SPEAKER_00
But then, yeah, I had to do what you just said.
0
SPEAKER_00
I pulled up and I said, I got a parking spot.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s a new day.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s a new day.
0
SPEAKER_01
Wait, speaking of new days, did you hear the viral Celine Dion remix that s everywhere since last night?
0
SPEAKER_01
No.
0
SPEAKER_01
What?
0
SPEAKER_01
Do you need to play it?
0
SPEAKER_01
My roommate came in and she was like, I need to share this with you.
0
SPEAKER_01
I couldn t fall asleep because I kept listening to it.
0
SPEAKER_01
What?
0
SPEAKER_01
And then I was like, Monica and I need to do a TikTok.
0
SPEAKER_01
Something on this.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_01
Are we going to get sued?
0
SPEAKER_01
I think it s the summer of Celine.
0
SPEAKER_01
Really?
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
People are saying, like, the gays have decided this is the anthem of the summer.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_00
I liked that.
0
SPEAKER_00
I think maybe I need to listen a little more to really get into it.
0
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I like the idea.
0
SPEAKER_01
that we re going to remix a lot of Celine Dion this summer.
0
SPEAKER_01
I do like that.
0
SPEAKER_01
Also, her birthday is coming up, succinct.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s on March 31st.
0
SPEAKER_01
You know it.
0
SPEAKER_01
Or maybe it s the 30th.
0
SPEAKER_01
Now I m freaking out.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s the 30th, actually.
0
SPEAKER_00
You just know her birthday by heart.
0
SPEAKER_00
I love her.
0
SPEAKER_00
She s my girl.
0
SPEAKER_00
And is it because of Canada?
0
SPEAKER_00
Or just because my heart will go on?
0
SPEAKER_01
It s so much more than that.
0
SPEAKER_01
At first, she put out like French albums.
0
SPEAKER_01
We ve known her for a while.
0
SPEAKER_01
We knew her pre-nose job and everything.
0
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
0
SPEAKER_01
And so we re very proud of her.
0
SPEAKER_01
When did she get a nose job?
0
SPEAKER_01
She had a bit of a makeover.
0
SPEAKER_01
I would say in probably 1994.
0
SPEAKER_01
Before Titanic?
0
SPEAKER_01
Yes, before Titanic.
0
SPEAKER_01
A few years before Titanic, she made a lot of changes to a lot of things.
0
SPEAKER_01
She learned English also, by the way.
0
SPEAKER_01
Wow, yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
She, you know, Renee and her were determined to make her go international and so they got her ready for it.
0
SPEAKER_00
How do you know all this?
0
SPEAKER_01
I love Celine Dion so much.
0
SPEAKER_01
Did you read biographies?
0
SPEAKER_01
I ll watch whatever, anything that s ever anywhere about her.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like when I m in a rut or having a bad day, I listen to her French songs because they get me excited about my life and excited about like, okay, like she was just like some small town, 10 brothers and sisters, like grew up in like the country and like went and did all these things that were, you know, no one thought she could do.
0
SPEAKER_01
She s a weirdo.
0
SPEAKER_01
she s stayed that way, you know, even though she s so famous.
0
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
0
SPEAKER_00
Who s your, like, everything?
0
SPEAKER_00
There isn t one famous person who I know their birthday.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh.
0
SPEAKER_00
I m realizing.
0
SPEAKER_00
You know Rihanna s birthday?
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, no, not by heart.
0
SPEAKER_00
Only when people, like, post it s Rihanna s birthday.
0
SPEAKER_01
I feel like you often remind me that it s her birthday, though.
0
SPEAKER_01
I did text you.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s Rihanna s birthday.
0
SPEAKER_01
We forgot.
0
SPEAKER_01
I feel like Rihanna is your Celine a little bit.
0
SPEAKER_01
I love her.
0
SPEAKER_00
You really do.
0
SPEAKER_00
I love her, but I can t say she s my Celine, because that would be rude and inaccurate.
0
SPEAKER_00
The truth is, I wasn t ahead of the game on her, you know?
0
SPEAKER_00
Who am I ahead of the game on?
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
Ben and Matt, I guess?
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
I mean, they re the only people I can feel confident in my heightened level of fandom.
0
SPEAKER_00
You knew they were going to make it.
0
SPEAKER_00
Well, you know who else I was ahead of the game on?
0
SPEAKER_00
Dominique Moceanu.
0
SPEAKER_00
What?
0
SPEAKER_00
That s so sick.
0
SPEAKER_00
And Lavinia Milosevic.
0
SPEAKER_00
What?
0
SPEAKER_00
And Simone Amanar.
0
What are you talking about?
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay, if you had to guess what I was talking about right now, what do you think it is?
0
SPEAKER_00
Like a Russian painter?
0
SPEAKER_00
Like, I don t— Not far.
0
SPEAKER_00
Not so far off.
0
SPEAKER_00
These are gymnasts.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, my God.
0
SPEAKER_00
I was obsessed.
0
SPEAKER_00
I was obsessed with the Magnificent Seven, the 96 Olympic team.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, right.
0
SPEAKER_00
And Dominique Mocciano was my favorite, and she was on that team.
1
SPEAKER_00
the youngest.
1
SPEAKER_00
She was 14.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s a big deal.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think I could tell you all seven of them now.
1
SPEAKER_00
Let me try.
1
SPEAKER_00
Dominique Moceanu, Dominique Dawes, Shannon Miller, Carrie Strug, Amy Chow.
1
SPEAKER_00
Fuck yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
I can do it.
1
SPEAKER_00
So I have five?
1
SPEAKER_00
Her name is not Phoebe, but it is... JC Phelps?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
Damn.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God, I have one left.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t want a hint.
1
SPEAKER_00
Can I have like a small hint?
1
SPEAKER_00
What s the first letter?
1
SPEAKER_00
A. Another A?
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God, what is it?
1
SPEAKER_00
Amanda?
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh.
1
SPEAKER_00
Borden.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
She s awesome.
1
SPEAKER_00
She was the least magnificent.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God.
1
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
So yes, I was, I was ahead of the game on them a little bit.
1
SPEAKER_00
Mainly I did a huge deep dive.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then I also got very interested in the Romanian gymnasts, which was the Lavinia Milosevic, Simona Aminar, Gina Gojan.
1
SPEAKER_00
There s more.
1
SPEAKER_00
No, there was one, she,
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay, we don t need to— I don t need to keep talking about it.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s already an insane amount of people that you re listing.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s when I begged my parents to go to Romania.
1
SPEAKER_00
And they were like, we re never doing that.
1
SPEAKER_01
To go just be in the vicinity of your favorite gymnasts, their inception.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
1
SPEAKER_00
It was, the Romanians used to really put out insane gymnasts.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know, it was bad because it was very war-torn and a lot of bad stuff was going on there.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I think they would like probably rip them from their families sort of like young and then make these gymnasts out of them.
1
SPEAKER_00
I mean, Bela Karolyi was a Romanian coach at first and then moved to the United States and then was Dominic Macianis.
1
SPEAKER_00
Did you, like, imagine yourself at the Olympics?
1
SPEAKER_00
Fuck yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
I was doing couch B. Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know?
1
SPEAKER_00
Then I started gymnastics after that, so I was eight.
1
SPEAKER_00
And...
1
SPEAKER_00
my coach, my teacher said, if you had started younger, you would have been so good.
1
SPEAKER_00
Why would he say that?
1
SPEAKER_00
I was a woman.
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, I actually appreciate that she said it.
1
SPEAKER_00
She was giving me a compliment.
1
SPEAKER_00
She was like, you have natural talent here.
1
SPEAKER_00
But in order to be like a level 10 gymnast and an elite gymnast, you do, you have to start when you re four.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I was four years behind.
1
SPEAKER_00
It was just like, not gonna happen.
1
SPEAKER_00
My synchronized swimming coach told me that too.
1
SPEAKER_01
Really?
1
SPEAKER_01
It breaks your heart, but you re right that they probably mean it in a way that s like, you re really good.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s unfortunate.
1
SPEAKER_00
Just the reality of life is that you should have started when you were four.
1
SPEAKER_00
I was resentful at my parents.
1
SPEAKER_00
I was going to ask, did they know about it?
1
SPEAKER_00
Of course.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t keep my resentments quiet.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s healthy.
1
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I think they re like, you didn t ask.
1
SPEAKER_00
We re not supposed to read your mind.
1
SPEAKER_00
But they should be reading my mind.
1
SPEAKER_00
Did you ever watch the Tiger Woods documentary?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_01
I feel like I was equal parts, oh, that s horrible, and equal parts, why did my parents do this?
1
SPEAKER_01
Like, why didn t they— You wanted one of those dads?
1
SPEAKER_01
I didn t want the trauma part.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, there is a lot of trauma.
1
SPEAKER_01
Again, I lied.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s not equal parts, but there s a tiny part of me that does— because my parents had no vision for me at all.
1
SPEAKER_01
Honestly, no vision board, no plan.
1
SPEAKER_01
Did they have one for your sister?
1
SPEAKER_01
My sister deviated from the vision a lot because she wanted to go to art school, not even art school, like art history, and they would yell about it.
1
SPEAKER_01
And so I knew I needed to stay in line a little bit, but I ended up deviating a lot more.
1
SPEAKER_00
But did you deviate from your parents  vision?
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, God, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
I mean, acting and cheerleading, everything was... My parents, too, did not have a vision other than be pretty good at school.
1
SPEAKER_00
Same.
1
SPEAKER_00
are very good.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think because I used to make so many careless mistakes, they right-sized their expectation a little bit early.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, they weren t thinking, oh, Monica s a genius.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, this is so exciting for us.
1
SPEAKER_00
They weren t thinking that.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think they were like, oh my God, she keeps making the same mistake over and over and over.
1
SPEAKER_00
What the fuck are we going to do?
1
SPEAKER_00
And they tried yelling, you know, they tried supportive talk, like,
1
SPEAKER_00
You know, my dad said very clearly, you re very smart, but you just make so many careless mistakes.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s what my dad said.
1
SPEAKER_00
What the hell?
1
SPEAKER_00
Is that a dad thing?
1
SPEAKER_00
It s like, I ve never heard the phrase careless mistake come out of anyone s mouth ever again.
1
SPEAKER_01
Same.
1
SPEAKER_01
You re the only, that was the soundtrack of my childhood.
1
SPEAKER_01
Careless, you re so careless.
1
SPEAKER_01
Careless, careless, careless.
1
SPEAKER_01
Wait, maybe that should be your challenge.
1
SPEAKER_00
You should write a song called Careless Mistakes.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m already, like, emotional.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God.
1
SPEAKER_01
Wait, I kinda— Okay, I like that.
1
SPEAKER_00
Maybe your dad could do a rap on it.
1
SPEAKER_00
Wait, and that should be your essay.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, the reason I m gonna push back is because on my original essay, I did talk about this.
1
SPEAKER_00
Your mistake.
1
SPEAKER_00
Careless mistake.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I brought this up already.
1
SPEAKER_00
You re right.
1
SPEAKER_01
I mean, look, I did make them, I think.
1
SPEAKER_01
Me too.
1
SPEAKER_01
What I don t like about it is that it attributes an intention.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, maybe we just were bad at it.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, or I had ADHD.
1
SPEAKER_01
Like, I really struggled with attention because, again, careless, careless, careless, careless.
1
SPEAKER_01
I thought, like, I m an idiot.
1
SPEAKER_00
And yours was exacerbated by, as you said last week, you left your purse on the subway and stuff.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
I jumped into a hole once, like, by accident.
1
SPEAKER_01
Wait.
1
SPEAKER_01
Like, my dad was like, that was the maddest I d seen him.
1
SPEAKER_00
Because you were putting yourself in harm.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s when he said, he would say, you re careless, but he was like, you re also careless with your body.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh no.
1
SPEAKER_01
And that s when I was like, oh man, I m the worst.
1
SPEAKER_00
Can you tell me about when you jumped into a hole?
1
SPEAKER_01
It was...
1
SPEAKER_01
Also, what do you mean?
1
SPEAKER_01
What do you mean?
1
SPEAKER_01
So, okay, I was going to a sale at my favorite store, and it was on rue Saint Laurent.
1
SPEAKER_00
How old are you?
1
SPEAKER_01
How old are you?
1
18.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh!
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yes, I m old.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m still living at home, but I m like, you know, I m going to a sale.
1
SPEAKER_01
They only take cash.
1
SPEAKER_01
They say there s an ATM across the street.
1
SPEAKER_01
You can just go.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I m like, all right, I m gonna go across the street.
1
SPEAKER_01
They re doing construction.
1
SPEAKER_01
I see that there s a gaping hole between the sidewalk and the street.
1
SPEAKER_01
And so I go around to go to the ATM,
1
SPEAKER_01
And then I m on my way back, I m crossing the street, and I m like, I feel like this isn t that big.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, you did it on purpose?
1
SPEAKER_01
I 100% thought I could pull it off.
1
SPEAKER_01
There was no doubt in my mind.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I could see the people in the store, they were like seeing me walk over.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then I just went for it.
1
SPEAKER_01
I gave myself a few steps behind to run so that I could jump over the hole.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I just fell.
1
SPEAKER_00
No, no, no, no, no, no.
1
SPEAKER_01
All of my body was scraped, because I almost made it.
1
SPEAKER_01
It would have been actually better if I d, if I d... Cleared it.
1
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
1
SPEAKER_01
Like in the middle of the hole, I just wouldn t like, whoops, in it.
1
SPEAKER_01
But because I was so close, I scraped everything on my body.
1
SPEAKER_01
How deep was this hole?
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, twice my height.
1
SPEAKER_00
Lids.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
A hole.
1
SPEAKER_01
But I was close.
1
SPEAKER_01
Close is not good enough.
1
SPEAKER_01
You are so careless with your body.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, I m optimistic.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m overly optimistic.
1
SPEAKER_01
about how far I can jump, what time I can make it, stuff like that.
1
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
1
SPEAKER_01
And so yeah, I came back all bloody.
1
SPEAKER_01
My dad was very upset.
1
SPEAKER_00
Did you go back to the sale and buy the clothes?
1
SPEAKER_00
I did.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay, good.
1
SPEAKER_00
I did.
1
SPEAKER_01
They were like, oh my God.
1
SPEAKER_01
Are you okay?
1
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, I m fine.
1
SPEAKER_01
What are you even talking about?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
I don t even think I accepted like a band-aid.
1
SPEAKER_01
That actually, that is the— I m working on that.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh.
1
SPEAKER_01
Just like— Let s talk about it.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay, so for example, at my birthday party, people were spread out and— You had a very fun birthday party.
1
SPEAKER_01
Thank you.
1
SPEAKER_01
And you re so sweet.
1
SPEAKER_01
We had such a nice birthday dinner last night.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, so nice.
1
SPEAKER_01
And you re so generous.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I m, like, still on a cloud from my birthday.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, good!
1
SPEAKER_01
Thank you for making it so special.
1
SPEAKER_01
Of course you deserve it.
1
SPEAKER_01
So it was kind of spread out and my friend Simone was like, let s do the cake.
1
SPEAKER_01
She was like, should I get people downstairs?
1
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, you know what?
1
SPEAKER_01
I don t really need the cake.
1
SPEAKER_01
I just started saying like, let s not do it.
1
SPEAKER_01
And everyone was like, Liz, what is wrong with you?
1
SPEAKER_01
Like, of course we re going to sing Happy Birthday.
1
SPEAKER_01
And so it s stuff like that where I m like, oh, that s not really who I want to be.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s not even being humble.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s being like self-effacing or it s also being honest about my needs and what I m feeling.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
You re prioritizing a lot of other people over you.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, or even what I think, again, my mind is like, oh, people don t really want to move.
1
SPEAKER_01
So I m trying to work on that, but... Okay, I like this.
1
SPEAKER_01
What about you?
1
SPEAKER_01
You re like the least careless person I know.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s kind of funny, actually.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s nice of you to say.
1
SPEAKER_00
Don t you think?
1
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I think you re right.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m very cautious.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
I would never jump into that hole.
1
SPEAKER_00
Ever.
1
SPEAKER_00
And in fact, what probably would happen is I d be with like 10 people.
1
SPEAKER_00
Everyone would be like jumping over the hole and I would go around.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay, got it.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s like why I can t be
2
SPEAKER_00
peer pressured.
2
SPEAKER_00
I just won t do it.
2
SPEAKER_00
I won t put myself in the situation where I feel, like, deeply uncomfortable just because everyone else wants me to or everyone else is doing it.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like, I actively won t do it.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s a great quality.
2
SPEAKER_01
I feel like that s a quality you want in your kids, especially.
2
SPEAKER_01
They re not easily influenced.
2
SPEAKER_01
Persuaded.
2
SPEAKER_00
I guess that s true.
2
SPEAKER_00
I think, though, it s a cousin to stubbornness.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
And it s related to fear, for sure.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like,
2
SPEAKER_00
I m scared of jumping over it.
2
SPEAKER_00
So it s good and bad, I guess.
2
SPEAKER_00
I think you re right.
2
SPEAKER_00
I would want in my kid for them to not be just like, I guess I ll do it because everyone s doing it.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like, I like some conviction.
2
SPEAKER_01
You beat to your own drum.
2
SPEAKER_01
Do you think so?
2
SPEAKER_01
You do.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like, again, I went to this event, and I knew that you were also invited to it.
2
SPEAKER_01
And when I got there, I was like, oh, it would be so fun if Monica was here.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then immediately, I was like, Monica, I texted her, I was like, it s so fun.
2
SPEAKER_01
You would hate it.
2
SPEAKER_01
Because everyone is beating to the same drum.
2
SPEAKER_01
And
2
SPEAKER_01
I feel that you have very specific taste.
2
SPEAKER_01
You don t compromise on what you want to do and where you want to be and who you are.
2
SPEAKER_01
You re very committed to yourself.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s nice.
2
SPEAKER_01
Do you feel that?
2
SPEAKER_00
I think that s right.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I think that s right.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s true.
2
SPEAKER_00
But it s double-sided, right?
2
SPEAKER_00
Like, I feel like I know myself pretty well.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then not compromising is not great.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like, there s definitely a tail end to that.
2
SPEAKER_00
coin compromises very necessary in life.
2
SPEAKER_00
And that is hard for me.
2
SPEAKER_01
Where is it showing up that you wanted to soften?
2
SPEAKER_00
Probably in dating a little.
2
SPEAKER_00
You know, nothing s going to be perfect.
2
SPEAKER_00
And so I have to compromise some of these standards, I think.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t like saying that because I also think that s not true.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I don t really know.
2
SPEAKER_01
I think that you don t have to sacrifice your standards.
2
SPEAKER_01
I think that you have to sacrifice your comfort.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s relationships, right?
2
SPEAKER_01
Like not like, yeah, I m going to accept someone who treats me badly or someone who s not on top of their game in a certain way that feels important to me, but that you re not always going to be doing what you want to do the way that you want to do it.
2
SPEAKER_01
For sure.
2
SPEAKER_01
And that part, I think, is hard for the both of us.
2
SPEAKER_00
We like what we like.
2
SPEAKER_00
We like what we like.
2
SPEAKER_00
I agree.
2
SPEAKER_00
So much of it is expectation.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like if I m on a
2
SPEAKER_00
trip with someone, and I know that they re much different than me or something, I can, knowing going in, like, we re not gonna want to do the exact same thing the whole time, I can adjust if I have that expectation.
2
SPEAKER_00
But it requires me thinking that through.
2
SPEAKER_00
Me too.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m getting worse at it too.
2
SPEAKER_01
Or I feel like it was easier before.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like, I didn t really have to, like, think about before I would go on a...
2
SPEAKER_01
You know, or again, sometimes I think about being like 11.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m like, I would sleep at someone s house without knowing I would do it.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like sometimes it would just sort of happen without knowing what the bed situation would be like, what time we were waking up, what we were eating.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like, you just go with the flow maybe more easily when you re little.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
I have to do a lot of mental gymnastics.
2
SPEAKER_00
Ding, ding, ding.
2
SPEAKER_00
Dominique Mochana.
2
SPEAKER_00
Because I will have to think like, okay, I m not gonna get to go to this thing or this place, and that s okay, because I ll be back here another time, and I ll do that then.
2
SPEAKER_00
But I have to tell myself that, or else I ll get resentful, I think.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s like you re stopping me from doing the thing I want to do.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s a hard thing for me.
2
SPEAKER_00
But compromise is huge, and so I do have to be better about that.
2
SPEAKER_00
We are supported by Thorne.
2
SPEAKER_00
Being in control of our health means being super mindful of what we put in our body, from food to supplements.
2
SPEAKER_00
We re always kind of trying to find the best option out there, which is why we re excited to be supported by Thorne.
2
SPEAKER_00
When I first learned about Thorne via Armchair Expert, we had someone on who was talking about these supplements and they are amazing.
2
SPEAKER_00
I find finding supplements
2
SPEAKER_00
hard.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like finding good ones?
2
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_01
I take so many supplements, and Thorne is honestly the only company that I truly trust.
2
SPEAKER_01
If it s Thorne, I know that it s great.
2
SPEAKER_01
I take their arm pills every day.
2
SPEAKER_01
They have a special mix for female vaginal health, which I take.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_00
They have a great prenatal.
2
SPEAKER_00
They have everything.
2
SPEAKER_00
Give your body what it really needs with Thorne.
2
SPEAKER_00
Go to thorne.fit slash synced and use code synced, S-Y-N-C-E-D, for 10% off your first order.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s T-H-O-R-N-E dot F-I-T slash synced, code synced, for 10% off your first order.
2
SPEAKER_00
thorne.fit slash synced, code synced.
2
SPEAKER_00
These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration.
2
SPEAKER_00
This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.
2
SPEAKER_00
Support for Cynct comes from Skims.
2
SPEAKER_00
We love Skims.
2
SPEAKER_00
I can t get enough.
2
SPEAKER_00
I wear the bras all the time.
2
SPEAKER_00
I love the t-shirt bra, the Fits Everybody t-shirt bra.
2
SPEAKER_00
I have it in all the colors.
2
SPEAKER_01
I had totally given up on bras.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like for years I just stopped wearing them and I m wearing them again thanks to Skims.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_01
The t-shirt bra is the best t-shirt bra I ve ever owned.
2
SPEAKER_00
Ever.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s also a fun like gift.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s such a good gift.
2
SPEAKER_00
For a girlfriend to like do a little Skims package and do a bra and they have great underwear and also like a cute tee.
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, just like do a little package.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s so fun.
2
SPEAKER_01
I would be so happy to get that.
2
SPEAKER_01
They have great pajamas.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like everything is great.
2
SPEAKER_01
You cannot go wrong with Skims.
2
SPEAKER_01
Shop Skims bras at skims.com, now available in 62 sizes, 30A to 46H.
2
SPEAKER_01
Plus get free shipping on orders over $75.
2
SPEAKER_01
If you haven t yet, be sure to let them know that we sent you.
2
SPEAKER_01
After you place your order, select podcast in the survey and select synced in the dropdown menu that follows.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay, how are you feeling about your new 37-year-old life?
2
SPEAKER_00
I feel great.
2
SPEAKER_01
So, candidly, we were supposed to record two days ago, and then you texted me that morning and you were like, I feel like we should record after your birthday.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I responded like, I m actually, I can talk about my birthday.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m already feeling it.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like, I was not in a great place.
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I wasn t struggling, but I was feeling very weird about my birthday the day before it, actually.
2
SPEAKER_01
And so I was like, we could record today.
2
SPEAKER_01
I have a lot of things to share.
2
SPEAKER_01
But the things I would have shared would have been very different from the things that I m sharing now that I m 37.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_01
And what were the befores and what are the nows?
2
SPEAKER_01
I was feeling a big gap between what I thought 37
2
SPEAKER_01
would be like and how I felt two days ago.
2
SPEAKER_01
And now that... Now that you re deep into your 37s.
2
SPEAKER_01
Now that I m deep into my 37s, I see it very differently.
2
SPEAKER_01
It is weird though, right?
2
SPEAKER_01
And it s the way my friend Glynnis describes turning 40, which is, again, very different.
2
SPEAKER_01
But she was like, the day before I turned 40, I was like, the worst day of my life.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then 40 was the best day of my life.
2
SPEAKER_01
And she wrote a whole book called No One Tells You This.
2
SPEAKER_01
And she was like, no one told me that like being in your 40s is amazing.
2
SPEAKER_01
And so, what is it?
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
2
SPEAKER_01
I just basically woke up on my birthday and I felt so happy.
2
SPEAKER_01
Honestly, I felt so loved.
2
SPEAKER_01
And you and my family, I got this four-handed massage.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yes, you said it was pretty sexual.
2
SPEAKER_00
You had a threesome.
2
SPEAKER_01
I had a threesome.
2
SPEAKER_01
That probably jumpstarts your threesome.
2
SPEAKER_01
I recommend it.
2
SPEAKER_00
You had a massage, a four-handed massage, and it felt very intimate to you.
2
SPEAKER_01
It was your Laurent, what s his name?
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, that was his name.
2
SPEAKER_01
They put a washcloth on you.
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, it s just for accessories.
2
SPEAKER_01
You re naked.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, just for looks.
2
SPEAKER_01
And they pour hot oil all over you.
2
SPEAKER_01
It was like, is this legal?
2
SPEAKER_01
It is, apparently.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then, yeah, we had this amazing dinner, and I had this cute little beach date by accident, because I was set up with someone, and he was like, I ll call you next week, and then he happened to call me on my birthday.
2
SPEAKER_01
It was just fun.
2
SPEAKER_01
I have this issue, which a lot of people have, where I make up like scary movies in my head about things that haven t happened yet.
2
SPEAKER_01
I convince myself of the worst case scenario, right?
2
SPEAKER_01
Like, I m never going to have kids.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m never going to, you know, I m going to be having my roommate until I m 60.
2
SPEAKER_01
You know, like stuff like that.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m alone.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like, I just kind of realized… 37 is really young.
2
SPEAKER_01
What am I going to wish when I m 40 that I did when I was 37?
2
SPEAKER_01
And it s like, well, have way more fun.
2
SPEAKER_01
Because all of those things are going to come and then I m going to be yearning for this, doing whatever I want and doing a threesome on the morning of my birthday party instead of driving my kids to school or whatever.
2
SPEAKER_01
Exactly.
2
SPEAKER_01
And so I woke up with more certainty about good things happening and that now I just get to kind of have fun until it all happens.
2
SPEAKER_01
I love that.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s so powerful.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s funny because I was like, well, I was almost on my way when you text me the other day and I was like, well, we might as well do it.
2
SPEAKER_01
But I was like, I feel like she always is right about things.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then you said I have a hunch and I was like, she s right.
2
SPEAKER_01
Either I m going to feel worse and it s going to be more interesting because it ll be like trauma dumping or, you know.
2
SPEAKER_01
Or things will have changed.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
But thank you for making my birthday so special.
3
SPEAKER_01
Thank you for making my life so special.
3
SPEAKER_01
I can t believe I get to do this show with you.
3
SPEAKER_01
I can t believe I get to be here.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, even again, I was thinking back at 35.
3
SPEAKER_01
That year, I had no idea was going to end in the way that it ended.
3
SPEAKER_01
And just the friendship that I got, I could have never dreamed of something more amazing.
3
SPEAKER_01
And so I feel really lucky.
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, that s also something I like to consider if I m feeling like, oh my God, I m this age, and I don t have this, and I don t have this, and I don t have this.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s important to remember, we met when we were 34.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s not that long ago, and we have this beautiful friendship, and it s deep.
3
SPEAKER_00
Things will continue to come, and we have no idea.
3
SPEAKER_00
There are so many ways to look at the future,
3
SPEAKER_00
And I like that you are looking at it in a positive way with certainty and also without desperation.
3
SPEAKER_00
I think that s the piece to let go of for all of us.
3
SPEAKER_01
And you ll, again, you re going to make different decisions that are coming from a place of desperation, right?
3
SPEAKER_01
feeling like this is your last shot.
3
SPEAKER_01
Or again, even the worst is when I m like dating from that mindset.
3
SPEAKER_01
Because then I m like, anybody, as if there s no man left on earth, right?
3
SPEAKER_01
Or again, that there s 10 seconds left on the clock.
3
SPEAKER_01
You re not going to make good choices from that position.
3
SPEAKER_01
I thought back at 35, when you text me about Freezing Your Ex Together and everything, I was kind of going through it.
3
SPEAKER_01
I try and remember that actually, that I thought my year was going to go one way and it went this other unreal way.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I try and remember that that can happen at any time, in any room you walk into, at any minute of the day, miracles can happen.
3
SPEAKER_01
So it s just a mindset that you have to work on.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m going to wake up tomorrow and be like, ugh.
3
SPEAKER_01
Exactly.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s practiced.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
3
SPEAKER_01
Because it s delusional to think everything s going to be negative.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s just as delusional to say that.
3
SPEAKER_01
And so you might as well make up like a good story.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s really true.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then this ties into astrology.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it does.
3
SPEAKER_00
And Adam Grant.
3
SPEAKER_00
So Adam wrote a sub stack, a article on why astrology is
3
SPEAKER_00
not scientifically accurate.
3
SPEAKER_00
And he sent it to me and he said, a lot of people told me to send this to you.
3
SPEAKER_00
Hope you read it with an open mind.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I did read it.
3
SPEAKER_00
And here s the thing.
3
SPEAKER_00
We love talking about it.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s super fun for us.
3
SPEAKER_00
I am not making like major life decisions based on the astrological
3
SPEAKER_00
calendar.
3
SPEAKER_00
If it happens to be like something fun, like we were just talking about today, like rebirth, something positive.
3
SPEAKER_00
Sure.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like love to add that in, but I am not driven by it.
3
SPEAKER_00
And either are you, and either honestly is anyone I know who likes it.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Most people I know who enjoy it do take it with a grain of salt.
3
SPEAKER_00
But look, I agree.
3
SPEAKER_00
with him that if people are like making massive life decisions, like, I can t marry this person because there are this, like, probably not great.
3
SPEAKER_00
Maybe give that person a try.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I hear you, Adam.
3
SPEAKER_00
And also, I m still gonna enjoy it.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s fun.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s not harmful to me and my life, so I m fine keeping it.
3
SPEAKER_01
My issue is that I don t understand why people are so determined to tell us it s not real.
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, is it like Jesus?
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, is it a little like, oh fuck, they re making like all these life decisions based on religion and that can be harmful.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like there are some, a lot of harmful things that come out of religion.
3
SPEAKER_00
But has there been out of astrology?
3
SPEAKER_01
I mean, wars and like genocide.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like I don t, and then like, to me it s like sports.
3
SPEAKER_01
Sports aren t real.
3
SPEAKER_01
Everything s made up.
3
SPEAKER_01
And so I always think, again, I love Adam.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s a worthwhile read.
3
SPEAKER_01
But to me, it s still this determined energy of proving women, or like taking something that women like and saying that it s stupid, you know?
3
SPEAKER_01
There s a whole history of that.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t remember seeing any percent, and maybe I missed this, and if I did, I m sorry, but I don t remember seeing any percentages of the people who actually are making massive, massive life decisions based on this.
3
SPEAKER_00
I think it s not giving baby people enough credit that they enjoy it for enjoyment s sake, and we re all in on it.
3
SPEAKER_01
Often, it just confirms what people already know is true.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s a little bit like people who use sidekicks, and I talk about Pisces men a lot, and Pisces men are a threat to our society.
3
SPEAKER_01
But obviously, I don t, you know— You don t really think that.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t really think that.
3
SPEAKER_01
And one of my crushes is currently a Pisces man, so it s fine.
3
SPEAKER_01
And your gay boyfriend.
3
SPEAKER_01
And my gay boyfriend.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s right.
3
SPEAKER_01
Actually, I ve been meeting a lot of Pisces men.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I don t shut it down because of that.
3
SPEAKER_01
But then if it doesn t work out or they do something, then I m like, well, they re a Pisces man.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, I should have—you know, that s why I won t work out.
3
SPEAKER_01
It gives me one more thing to—
3
SPEAKER_01
trust myself, right?
3
SPEAKER_01
I think there s all kinds of stuff, like superstitions.
3
SPEAKER_01
These are little rituals, like the placebo effect.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it s dumb, but it works.
3
SPEAKER_01
So great.
3
SPEAKER_01
People get better just taking placebos or doing certain rituals that then enhance their health or their mental health.
3
SPEAKER_01
So let them do it if it helps them.
3
SPEAKER_01
If it s hurting people, yes.
3
SPEAKER_00
But I feel like it s not.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I think it depends because what I can also see
3
SPEAKER_00
as a little bit of a slippery slope with it, is like, I m this.
3
SPEAKER_00
And that is set in stone.
3
SPEAKER_00
It is written literally in the stars.
3
SPEAKER_00
I am type A, I am organized, whatever.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, believing that it s your character and it s not malleable at all, I do think can be dangerous because it can be hard to then make changes.
3
SPEAKER_00
So, like, there s that to look out for.
3
SPEAKER_00
I agree.
3
SPEAKER_00
But I also think it s fun.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s like connections, the game.
3
SPEAKER_00
When you are doing something that is in line with your sign, it s fun to be like, oh God, I m so Virgo.
3
SPEAKER_01
It gives yourself grace too.
3
SPEAKER_01
And it s a good way to get to know someone.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like even on my beach date, we were like, what s your sign?
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, do you identify with it?
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, it s just a way to have conversation and to connect.
3
SPEAKER_01
And if people are using it to start wars, let s start poking holes.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s harmless.
3
SPEAKER_01
But the stock market is arguably more dangerous.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, for sure.
3
SPEAKER_01
And we should be poking holes in that.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, women should be writing articles about that.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I appreciate the article, and I did read it with an open mind, and I, like, maybe it s not for everyone, because maybe some people can t handle astrology, but we can.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
3
SPEAKER_01
So we re gonna.
3
SPEAKER_01
Also, Adam Grant is a Leo, and that s the most Leo newsletter.
3
SPEAKER_00
He felt it was so Leo.
3
SPEAKER_01
So he kind of proved his point.
3
SPEAKER_01
We are happy to talk about... That could be a cool debate.
3
SPEAKER_00
If we call him?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, we could call Adam Grant.
3
SPEAKER_00
I would be down for that.
3
SPEAKER_00
For us to do like a group discussion on this.
3
SPEAKER_00
Should we call him?
3
SPEAKER_00
He s probably working now.
3
SPEAKER_00
We should have to schedule it.
3
SPEAKER_00
But we will.
3
SPEAKER_00
We re gonna schedule a call with Adam if he s interested in trying to hash this out.
3
SPEAKER_00
I think it s important.
3
SPEAKER_00
I do too.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_00
Now let s get into some questions.
3
SPEAKER_00
This is funny, this is also a ding, ding, ding, because our friend Anna recently has declared that she is no longer saying bless you after sneezes.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s a new declaration.
3
SPEAKER_00
She s like, we don t need to do that.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I kind of get what she means because, you know, it originally comes from like, like a demons coming out of you or getting in you or something.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s like, it s exposing herself to a demon takeover.
3
SPEAKER_00
I did not know that.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m nodding, but I, it s brand new information.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s like religious.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s blessing you so that you are protected from this demon takeover.
3
SPEAKER_00
Wow, that s weird.
3
SPEAKER_00
I did not know that.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
And so we re like, that s antiquated.
3
SPEAKER_00
We don t really need to do that anymore.
3
SPEAKER_00
So, okay, this is now in keeping, this question.
3
SPEAKER_00
How to get coworkers to stop telling me, bless you.
3
SPEAKER_00
This is from Josie.
3
SPEAKER_00
My office is very dusty and I sneeze a lot during the day, at least five to 10 times.
3
SPEAKER_00
My co-workers often race to see who can say bless you first since I sneeze so much, and it is seriously getting on my nerves.
3
SPEAKER_00
How do I get them to stop, since technically they re being polite?
3
SPEAKER_00
I ve tried by not saying bless you when they sneeze, but they seem to find it rude when I don t do it. 
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh.
3
SPEAKER_00
Hmm.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s a good question though, and I get why I like relate.
3
SPEAKER_01
Because- Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
They re like drawing attention to something that you are just like, happens all the time and you just don t want the attention.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
This is a good in.
3
SPEAKER_00
Maybe if you call out that you re embarrassed, even if you aren t, that makes it about you.
3
SPEAKER_00
So then if they do it, they know they re making you uncomfortable.
3
SPEAKER_00
And so they probably will stop.
3
SPEAKER_00
Right.
3
SPEAKER_00
If they re nice.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s no longer polite to do it.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s actually making you uncomfortable.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I think if you say that, like, I actually get really embarrassed because I know I sneeze all the time.
3
SPEAKER_00
And so every time people say, bless you, I get embarrassed and self-conscious.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
3
SPEAKER_00
Maybe they ll stop.
3
SPEAKER_01
I have a friend who sneezes a lot in a row, and now I m thinking back and feeling really guilty that I didn t get it.
3
SPEAKER_01
Maybe this letter being written and broadcast will raise— Help all of us?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yes, and raise awareness around multiple sneeze people and like not to— MSPs?
4
SPEAKER_03
I know one too.
4
SPEAKER_03
I know an MSP.
4
SPEAKER_03
Now that I think back, she was always like, very like, and then like kind of annoyed and we would just be like, stop it.
4
SPEAKER_03
Like now I m like, shut up.
4
SPEAKER_03
Why did we keep, and it probably again happened in probably every environment she was in all the time.
4
SPEAKER_03
It s true.
4
SPEAKER_03
It s like, she already knows like, oh fuck, like there s about to be
4
SPEAKER_04
10 sneezes, this is so embarrassing.
4
SPEAKER_04
Wait, so when you are around MSPs, do you say bless you every time?
4
SPEAKER_04
I kinda do.
4
SPEAKER_04
Me too.
4
SPEAKER_04
It s bad.
4
SPEAKER_04
And then it becomes a joke, like.
4
SPEAKER_04
Wait, should we call my MSP?
4
SPEAKER_03
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_04
And ask her about this?
4
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
4
What s happening?
4
SPEAKER_03
You just shake your phone.
4
SPEAKER_02
Why isn t it working?
4
SPEAKER_02
That s weird.
4
SPEAKER_02
Oh my god, it s the beginning of the new year.
4
SPEAKER_02
Phones don t work in this year?
4
SPEAKER_02
My phone was fucked up this morning.
4
SPEAKER_02
Wait, really?
4
SPEAKER_03
Couldn t put it on silent and it would text like it was on a speaker.
4
SPEAKER_03
I was actually worried for the show I d have to like leave it outside the attic.
4
SPEAKER_04
Oh my god, hold on.
4
SPEAKER_03
Is it just your speaker phone?
4
SPEAKER_04
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_03
You re calling me.
4
SPEAKER_03
I tried you.
4
SPEAKER_03
I wanted to try to see.
4
SPEAKER_03
But see, I can t put my phone on silent.
4
SPEAKER_03
It like rang.
4
SPEAKER_03
It s on silent right now.
4
SPEAKER_03
No.
4
SPEAKER_04
I think because of the beach.
4
SPEAKER_04
There s sand.
4
SPEAKER_04
You got something in there?
4
SPEAKER_04
It won t go silent.
4
SPEAKER_04
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_04
Now I couldn t.
4
SPEAKER_04
See, I had to like warm it up.
4
SPEAKER_04
It s weird.
4
SPEAKER_04
Hi.
4
SPEAKER_04
Hi.
4
SPEAKER_04
You re on air.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay, great.
4
SPEAKER_01
We re looking at the new apartment.
4
SPEAKER_01
We re measuring stuff.
4
SPEAKER_01
Hi.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God, fun.
4
SPEAKER_04
Okay, we ll be quick, but you re on air for Sing, so you have Liz and me.
4
SPEAKER_04
Hi, Liz.
4
Hi.
4
SPEAKER_04
I don t know who this is.
4
SPEAKER_04
Laura.
4
SPEAKER_04
Hi, Laura.
4
SPEAKER_04
I kept you, well, I kept you anonymous just in case, but I can cut that if you want because I have diagnosed you as an MSP, a multiple sneeze person.
4
SPEAKER_04
Oh, heck yes.
4
SPEAKER_04
Okay, right?
4
SPEAKER_04
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_04
Are you okay being out in the world known as that?
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, and I actually feel like Matt would feel less lonely if everyone knew.
4
SPEAKER_04
Okay, now the world knows that Laura is an MSP, because we got a question about someone who sneezes so much and hates when people say, bless you, all the time.
4
SPEAKER_04
And I wanted to get your take on this.
4
SPEAKER_01
Are you annoyed when everyone s like, bless you, bless you, bless you?
4
SPEAKER_01
I think I was initially, but now Matt just ignores my sneezing.
4
SPEAKER_01
So I ll be like, whole full body sneeze 10 times in a row, and he s just, and I ll finally be like, bless me, because he ignores me.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh, it hurts.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I find it very annoying when he just ignores what I m going through.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh, no.
4
SPEAKER_04
Turns our whole theory upside down.
4
SPEAKER_04
It does.
4
SPEAKER_04
It does, because now we have multiple data points.
4
SPEAKER_01
But I don t need to be told every time.
4
SPEAKER_01
One every ten is great.
4
SPEAKER_04
Oh, one every ten.
4
SPEAKER_04
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_04
Or it s like maybe when it s fully done.
4
SPEAKER_01
No, I want it doing, because it s happening to me, and it s a lot, and I m looking for a tissue, and I m very busy.
4
SPEAKER_04
Take Matt out of the equation.
4
SPEAKER_04
Let s say you re at the office, because this person s at the office, and she s sneezing, like, in her cube, I guess, and then people are running over to say it.
4
SPEAKER_01
That feels really invasive.
4
SPEAKER_01
Right?
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
I wouldn t like that.
4
SPEAKER_01
Just, oh my gosh, bless you.
4
SPEAKER_01
That s all.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
You just need one, in my mind.
4
SPEAKER_01
But I feel like if someone were to do it every sneeze, then I would be extra self-conscious.
4
SPEAKER_01
I think just, you know, somewhere in the middle is the sweet spot.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
Acknowledge what s happening, but don t make them embarrassed.
4
SPEAKER_04
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_04
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_04
It s a fine line to walk.
4
SPEAKER_04
We should say the Matt we re referring to is Matt Collins, friend of the pod, F1 aficionado and host.
4
SPEAKER_04
Your husband.
4
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
That s who that is.
4
SPEAKER_03
Do you know other MSPs and do you guys talk about it?
4
SPEAKER_01
I think I m the only one I know.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s an isolating group.
4
SPEAKER_01
But also, sometimes when I m stressed, I will sneeze multiple times.
4
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, we ve noticed that with you.
4
SPEAKER_04
Like, if something— or if you re talking about something stressful, it will, like, happen.
4
SPEAKER_04
It s kind of interesting.
4
SPEAKER_04
It s kind of neurological.
4
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
Remember in Murder at the End of the World, the guy who would always sneeze when bright light hit his face?
4
SPEAKER_04
Oh, I did not see it.
4
SPEAKER_01
That s an actual neurological thing.
4
SPEAKER_01
There s a name for it.
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t remember what it is, but I thought maybe I would have that, but, like, triggered with stress, but I don t know what it is.
4
SPEAKER_04
Well, we ll do a deep dive, but just so you know, I think we re building a community of MSPs, and so this is for you.
4
SPEAKER_01
I was telling Rory a breakup story once, and I sneezed 37 times in a Thai restaurant.
4
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_04
Wow.
4
SPEAKER_04
Wow, wow, wow.
4
SPEAKER_01
And how many times did she say, bless you?
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
I can ask her, but I think she just gave up after a while and just kept saying, wow.
4
SPEAKER_04
Right.
4
SPEAKER_04
Also, she s stuck.
4
SPEAKER_04
She s across from you.
4
SPEAKER_04
She can t just like go away and let you be.
4
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
I guess I would have decided that.
4
SPEAKER_04
Okay, well, he s not very supportive, now we know.
4
SPEAKER_04
All right, well, we ll let you go.
4
SPEAKER_04
Yes, thank you for weighing in.
4
SPEAKER_04
Bye.
4
SPEAKER_04
Bye.
4
SPEAKER_04
37 times?
4
SPEAKER_04
I would start to feel scared that she would, like, sneeze and die.
4
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, at what point do you die from sneezes?
4
SPEAKER_04
That s a really valid question.
4
SPEAKER_04
Can you look it up?
4
SPEAKER_00
How many?
4
SPEAKER_04
That would be scary.
4
SPEAKER_04
Well, you know the whole thing, like if you sneeze 17 times or something, you orgasm.
4
SPEAKER_04
What?
4
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, that was a thing.
4
SPEAKER_04
And so when we were young, we would try to like sniff pepper to see if we could sneeze enough times to create an orgasm.
4
SPEAKER_03
Oh my God, that s like what a girlhood.
4
SPEAKER_03
Like guys, boys could just orgasm doing like sitting at their desk.
4
SPEAKER_03
Doing nothing.
4
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_03
And we had to like sniff peppers.
4
SPEAKER_04
Although, do you know, I ve had spontaneous orgasms.
4
SPEAKER_04
Have you?
4
SPEAKER_03
Really?
4
SPEAKER_03
I had them when I was young, like at pool and like stuff like that.
4
SPEAKER_03
At pool?
4
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, at the pool.
4
SPEAKER_03
Sorry, at like swimming class.
4
SPEAKER_03
Like I remember once it was like my turn to go and I was like, I can t.
4
SPEAKER_03
No.
4
SPEAKER_03
And I didn t know I was orgasming, but like I was young and I was just looking in the eyes of my instructor.
4
SPEAKER_03
Were you doing anything physical?
4
SPEAKER_03
I think my legs were like crossed in a certain way.
4
SPEAKER_03
Or maybe I was near the jets.
4
SPEAKER_03
I don t know.
4
SPEAKER_03
I don t know.
4
SPEAKER_03
I don t remember.
4
SPEAKER_03
But I remember being like, I can t.
4
SPEAKER_03
And like staring at her eyes and being like, and then I was like, okay, now I can.
4
SPEAKER_03
But I was like, I know this is bad.
4
SPEAKER_03
This is a secret.
4
SPEAKER_03
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_03
But I also was like, I kept this under wraps.
4
SPEAKER_03
She doesn t know.
4
SPEAKER_03
It was probably obvious.
4
SPEAKER_03
Wow.
4
SPEAKER_04
What about you?
4
SPEAKER_04
Mine was born out of also like the fantasy.
4
SPEAKER_04
Like if I was deep in a fantasy mode, I could orgasm.
4
SPEAKER_04
Wow.
4
SPEAKER_04
Just with your mind?
4
SPEAKER_04
Without physical touch.
4
SPEAKER_02
I know.
4
SPEAKER_04
I know.
4
SPEAKER_04
No.
4
SPEAKER_04
It s weird.
4
SPEAKER_04
I haven t done that in many years, but I could at one point.
4
SPEAKER_04
Wait, did you ever Google that?
4
SPEAKER_04
It s probably because maybe my epilepsy, maybe it s all connected.
4
SPEAKER_04
It s like my brain is firing in a weird way.
4
SPEAKER_03
That s incredible.
4
SPEAKER_03
It was cool.
4
SPEAKER_03
Wasn t that an episode of Grey s Anatomy of a woman, she couldn t stop orgasming with her mind?
4
SPEAKER_03
I feel like that was a thing and she came in and they were like, I mean, it s kind of a smart, it s good writing.
4
SPEAKER_03
Wow, when s the last time you came with your mind?
4
SPEAKER_03
Do you remember?
4
SPEAKER_04
I feel like the last time, I remember it happening in my car, maybe like 10 years ago-ish.
4
SPEAKER_04
I think it stopped when I had sex.
4
SPEAKER_04
No way.
4
SPEAKER_04
I think so.
4
SPEAKER_04
Men ruined.
4
SPEAKER_04
I ruin everything.
4
SPEAKER_04
Timing wise, I think so.
4
SPEAKER_04
Stop.
4
SPEAKER_04
And I would have orgasms with like my vibrator.
4
SPEAKER_04
So it wasn t, they were real.
4
SPEAKER_04
Like I know what it was.
4
SPEAKER_04
What it was, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_04
Do you remember what you were thinking about?
4
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, but I m not going to say.
4
SPEAKER_04
No way.
4
SPEAKER_04
I was in fantasy land.
4
SPEAKER_04
Wow.
4
SPEAKER_04
I was in a full fantasy land, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_03
That s really cool.
4
SPEAKER_03
Because you ve orgasmed in your sleep, right?
4
SPEAKER_03
I have.
4
SPEAKER_03
It s so fun.
4
SPEAKER_03
It s so fun, actually.
4
SPEAKER_03
I wish I could, like, it was a vibe.
4
SPEAKER_03
Every time.
4
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, I could.
4
SPEAKER_04
It s such a great pop out.
4
SPEAKER_04
It is.
4
SPEAKER_04
Anyway, did you find it?
4
SPEAKER_00
That s not really, but what s most likely gonna happen is like brain hemorrhage from violent sneezing or heart attack.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s not the actual act of sneezing that s gonna kill them.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s gonna trigger something else.
4
SPEAKER_04
But I could see like, cause blood vessels will burst and stuff.
4
SPEAKER_04
Oh my God.
4
SPEAKER_04
Kind of scary.
4
SPEAKER_04
They should create some sort of,
4
SPEAKER_04
inhaler or something.
4
SPEAKER_04
Can you block your nose so it stops?
4
SPEAKER_04
No, they say don t ever do that for a sneeze.
4
SPEAKER_04
Why?
4
SPEAKER_04
That your brain will explode.
4
SPEAKER_04
No.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yes, they do say that.
4
SPEAKER_00
I ve read that too.
4
SPEAKER_00
It says that on all of these.
4
SPEAKER_04
You guys are lying.
4
SPEAKER_04
No, no, I have heard that.
4
SPEAKER_04
You know how some people try to stop their sneezes and close their nostrils?
4
SPEAKER_04
You re not supposed to do that.
4
SPEAKER_04
We re going to get comments.
4
SPEAKER_04
People are going to be so mad at you.
4
SPEAKER_04
You re supposed to let it out.
4
SPEAKER_03
Rob is giving me the look that this is sick.
4
SPEAKER_03
Rob is being a rascal, but I m being serious.
4
SPEAKER_03
You re supposed to...
4
SPEAKER_03
You re not supposed to.
4
SPEAKER_03
You re supposed to let it out.
4
SPEAKER_03
But what if it s your 34th in a row?
4
SPEAKER_03
You ve got to stop it.
4
SPEAKER_04
That s an anomaly.
4
SPEAKER_03
But what if someone who s listening right now happens to them and then they listen to your advice?
5
SPEAKER_00
and then they die.
5
SPEAKER_00
No, it will still, the act of what s happening is still happening.
5
SPEAKER_00
Even if you block your nose?
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, you re just not stopping the outward motion of it, but it s still like that violent head, it s worse.
5
SPEAKER_00
Don t do that, don t plug your nose.
5
SPEAKER_00
Have you ever sneezed like snot?
5
SPEAKER_01
That s so embarrassing.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s really, I mean, it s like I m a trauma.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, trauma.
5
SPEAKER_01
Trauma vibes.
5
SPEAKER_01
Is that what you were gonna ask?
5
SPEAKER_01
I was gonna ask if you ve ever like sneezed in a very bad situation where you re really not supposed to sneeze.
5
SPEAKER_01
I m like during sex or something.
5
SPEAKER_01
I feel like I have.
5
SPEAKER_01
Really?
5
SPEAKER_01
But I can t recall, but I think it has happened to me.
5
SPEAKER_01
And then you have to just be like, wait, it s just a- Excuse me.
5
SPEAKER_01
Wait a second.
5
SPEAKER_01
But then just the act of doing that makes you- Horny?
5
SPEAKER_01
Well, I can see it kind of making you horny because it s like everything s exploding out of me.
5
SPEAKER_01
Everything s happening.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
Well, sneezing is, I mean, it feels great.
5
SPEAKER_01
People say it s- Orgasmic.
5
SPEAKER_01
Pooping, sneezing.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, people say that.
5
SPEAKER_01
If you like, have we talked about this?
5
SPEAKER_01
No, you told me this.
5
SPEAKER_01
About pooping?
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, that if you like pooping, then you ll like anal.
5
SPEAKER_00
I did not tell you that.
5
SPEAKER_00
I did not.
5
SPEAKER_00
Definitely did not tell you that.
5
SPEAKER_00
But I could see that being true because you re comfortable with things up your butt.
5
SPEAKER_01
Well, not just comfortable.
5
SPEAKER_01
Like, if it feels good.
5
SPEAKER_01
If you re one of those people that, like, you get pleasure.
5
SPEAKER_01
Relief.
5
SPEAKER_01
Everyone gets relief.
5
SPEAKER_01
But I think some people, like, they feel nothing.
5
SPEAKER_01
I feel like Rob feels nothing.
5
SPEAKER_01
No, you get relief.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, depends on how bad you have to go.
5
SPEAKER_01
I love it.
5
SPEAKER_01
You will love anal.
5
SPEAKER_01
You will.
5
SPEAKER_01
You will.
5
SPEAKER_01
That s what I ve been told.
5
SPEAKER_01
And it s like a rule.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s like a formula.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s science.
5
SPEAKER_01
And the way you said it, I can tell.
5
SPEAKER_00
No.
5
SPEAKER_00
Listen, I…
5
SPEAKER_01
I wonder.
5
SPEAKER_01
I feel like Dax would confirm this.
5
SPEAKER_01
Well, he loves pooping.
5
SPEAKER_01
He does so much.
5
SPEAKER_01
And he loves anal.
5
SPEAKER_01
He loves anal.
5
SPEAKER_01
I wonder if Jess loves pooping.
5
SPEAKER_00
Jess would, yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
Maybe Jess told me that.
5
SPEAKER_00
I can see that.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
But then if he told you that, it is not scientific.
5
SPEAKER_00
Do not take that to heart.
5
SPEAKER_00
Okay, let me do another question.
5
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_00
Is it ethical to continue seeing my hookup buddy from my open relationship?
5
SPEAKER_00
Zoe.
5
SPEAKER_00
Hi, Monica and Liz.
5
SPEAKER_00
I love the pod.
5
SPEAKER_00
You guys make me laugh every week.
5
SPEAKER_00
After 10 really beautiful and special years, my partner and I have decided to end our relationship.
5
SPEAKER_00
We still love and care for each other deeply and will remain friends.
5
SPEAKER_00
But after a difficult situation and some repeated behaviors, I ve decided to end things.
5
SPEAKER_00
My partner understands.
5
SPEAKER_00
We ve done the open relationship thing on and off throughout our relationship, and I ve been seeing someone with my partner s consent for five or six months now.
5
SPEAKER_00
We ve kept this part of our relationship private from our friends and family.
5
SPEAKER_00
I don t want to end things with this person, but a part of me makes me feel like continuing to see them as I navigate the end of this relationship is morally wrong.
5
SPEAKER_00
and I have no one to talk to about it other than my therapist as no one in my life knows about it.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s a casual and fun hookup and will continue to be, but should I stay away as I grieve the end of my relationship?
5
SPEAKER_01
Huh.
5
SPEAKER_01
I don t see a problem with this whatsoever.
5
SPEAKER_01
I feel like this is a great scenario to be in.
5
SPEAKER_00
Unless you feel like you re not properly processing the end of the relationship because you ve just quickly pivoted, which maybe that s the fear around it, but both can happen.
5
SPEAKER_00
I think you can process what went on in the relationship via therapy.
5
SPEAKER_00
And then also, like, have fun.
5
SPEAKER_00
You don t have to be miserable just because the relationship ended.
5
SPEAKER_01
One hundred percent.
5
SPEAKER_01
And you can process things while you re meeting your physical needs.
5
SPEAKER_01
And again, it s not like you re building this.
5
SPEAKER_01
And even if you were building something with someone else.
5
SPEAKER_01
I mean, you don t really plan when you ll meet someone that s the right fit and I wouldn t discount it just for that reason.
5
SPEAKER_00
I agree.
5
SPEAKER_01
If there were other things that were going on and it s dysregulating you, but if it s just the question in your mind or rationally wondering if what you re doing is bad, don t let that hold you back.
5
SPEAKER_00
The only thing I would say is maybe watch that it s not becoming like addicting the way that you re regulating your emotions with it.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like as soon as you start to feel sad or think about the relationship, then you re like, I don t want to think about that anymore.
5
SPEAKER_00
And then you go hook up.
5
SPEAKER_00
I do think that can be a bit dangerous.
5
SPEAKER_00
Not dangerous, but emotionally, like, you are using something to regulate something else.
5
SPEAKER_00
But it doesn t really sound like you re doing that, and I think it s fine.
5
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
5
SPEAKER_01
Maybe I m so toxic, but what do you need to figure out?
5
SPEAKER_01
It s over.
5
SPEAKER_01
Like, it s not like you re in the process of breaking up and you re figuring out if you want to— But I mean, 10-year relationship s long.
5
SPEAKER_01
That s like coming out of a—
5
SPEAKER_00
marriage, like there are things I m sure that you have to like deal with and think about and like what happened and why it happened and who was I there and who, you know, there is a lot, but I don t think that this prevents that from happening.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
Have fun.
5
SPEAKER_00
You can be happy.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s okay.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh, two good ones.
5
SPEAKER_00
Okay, well, we have time for one.
5
SPEAKER_00
My husband s job takes priority even though we make the same amount.
5
SPEAKER_00
This is from Anonymous.
5
SPEAKER_00
I ve been wondering your opinion on my situation ever since you answered a similar listener question back in September, but mine is even more complex.
5
SPEAKER_00
You said you would marry a social worker or teacher with a low income, although maybe you d request they cut back on elective surgeries, but would you marry a poor scientist?
5
SPEAKER_00
My husband and I have been together since college.
5
SPEAKER_00
We always knew he wanted to get a PhD.
5
SPEAKER_00
I did think, maybe naively, that it would eventually lead to a more financially lucrative career.
5
SPEAKER_00
However, his goal is more about scientific contribution and less about financial success.
5
SPEAKER_00
I can get behind that to some extent, but now that we have three kids, it s a bit more difficult.
5
SPEAKER_00
In addition, in order to maintain the quality of living that we both have agreed on, nothing fancy, but we did buy a medium-sized, somewhat dated single-family home in a good school district in the most expensive city in America, where we moved for, you guessed it, his job.
5
SPEAKER_00
I ve become responsible for making the same income as him while only working part-time due to our childcare needs.
5
SPEAKER_00
We do split household chores pretty fairly, but I carry 100% of the mental load of parenting.
5
SPEAKER_00
I feel like a stay-at-home mom while also contributing the same dollar amount that he is.
5
SPEAKER_00
To add another layer, we found out that another father in our area has the same exact educational background as my husband, but he went into private sector.
5
SPEAKER_00
He works for a well-known tech company that is not doing anything bad, but my husband does look at him as a sellout.
5
SPEAKER_00
However, those neighbors live in a much nicer house and the mom doesn t work.
5
SPEAKER_00
I know comparison is a stealer of joy, but it s hard not to look at them and see the financial situation I always thought I d be in, especially when I was the breadwinner during all those years he was in school.
5
SPEAKER_00
By the way, this dad s company is hiring.
5
SPEAKER_00
As you can tell, there s a lot of resentment.
5
SPEAKER_00
We ve tried couples therapy, but it didn t go well.
5
SPEAKER_00
I need Orna, but I thought you two would be a close second.
5
SPEAKER_00
Please help.
5
SPEAKER_00
This is tough.
5
SPEAKER_01
and very common, this fight and this argument and this issue in heterosexual relationships.
5
SPEAKER_00
I don t know what to say.
5
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I guess there s one thing to talk about, which I assume you probably have in couples therapy is, is he happy with the financial situation that you guys are in?
5
SPEAKER_00
It kind of seems like he is, which is why he s not pursuing all these other opportunities.
5
SPEAKER_00
And then that s complicated because you re not happy with the financial situation that you guys are in.
5
SPEAKER_00
And you feel like a lot, so much is on your shoulders and that is not fair.
5
SPEAKER_01
It feels like you re sacrificing a lot and he s... Talk about compromise.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
5
SPEAKER_01
Resentment is not bad.
5
SPEAKER_01
Resentment is information.
5
SPEAKER_01
And you talk about you moved and you made these changes.
5
SPEAKER_01
You are working part-time to make up for the fact that you re at home.
5
SPEAKER_01
You have 100% of the mental load.
5
SPEAKER_01
Like, you re doing a lot to make his life comfortable.
5
SPEAKER_01
And it doesn t seem like he s necessarily doing the same or interested in knowing what that would be like.
5
SPEAKER_00
I have compromised my idea of what I thought our life would be and my own standards for a work-life balance, basically, and splitting familial responsibilities and stuff.
5
SPEAKER_00
Marriage takes compromise, so I m happy to, like, take some of this, but I need you to show that you re also compromising some of your things, and maybe that is this, like,
5
SPEAKER_00
kind of pie-eyed idea about working for what s, quote, good versus what s bad.
5
SPEAKER_01
The priority that you have is you and your family s happiness.
5
SPEAKER_01
And the priority that he needs to have is also that.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s a constant dance.
5
SPEAKER_01
And sometimes one partner is prioritizing the family more than the other, like on a day-to-day basis or even on a, you know,
5
SPEAKER_01
Oh, I have to go to work this morning, so can you do this? 
5
SPEAKER_01
Right?
5
SPEAKER_01
But overall, I think that there s an imbalance here, that he s prioritizing, yeah, his own... If you are vocalizing these things and he s not interested or curious, I think that that s actually the sort of red flag here.
5
SPEAKER_01
Not even the fact that these are his preferences, but that he s not... Yeah, you re very interested in what would make him more comfortable.
5
SPEAKER_01
Why isn t he interested in what would make you more comfortable?
5
SPEAKER_01
and at least again trying to figure that out with you.
5
SPEAKER_01
I think it s hard enough if the
6
SPEAKER_00
partner is making a ton of money and not contributing in the house.
6
SPEAKER_00
Like that in itself is hard, let alone that s not even happening.
6
SPEAKER_00
They re not providing financially.
6
SPEAKER_01
There s this book called Fair Play that s all about this.
6
SPEAKER_01
Like the author
6
SPEAKER_01
Eve Rogowski, I think, calls it divorce for married people.
6
SPEAKER_01
There s like a documentary about it and everything.
6
SPEAKER_01
There s actually things that men can do and sign up for to learn how to... Because this is the number one killer.
6
SPEAKER_00
It is, it is, yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s wild.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s not the affairs.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s these boring... Money.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
And kids, money and kids.
6
SPEAKER_01
Money and kids and just division of labor and assumptions that are made and women taking on often a lot more
6
SPEAKER_01
of this invisible, right, these invisible tasks.
6
SPEAKER_01
There s this whole thing about like the mental load is invisible, but it is huge.
6
SPEAKER_01
And so often men don t even realize that women are taking on all of these things or they don t care.
6
SPEAKER_00
Also, there s just like, I m sorry, now I m like, I m thinking about it more and there has to be a contribution to the family.
6
SPEAKER_00
Otherwise, why are you there?
6
SPEAKER_00
I m sorry, that s the truth.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I would think that.
6
SPEAKER_00
I would start to think that.
6
SPEAKER_00
Me too.
6
SPEAKER_00
Like for sure.
6
SPEAKER_00
I m doing absolutely everything on my own and I m making the same amount of money.
6
SPEAKER_00
I don t need you.
6
SPEAKER_00
So please make yourself like necessary.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
I mean, it s very much like she s the, again, in very traditional ways, like she s the man.
6
SPEAKER_00
But not really, because in traditional ways, they aren t taking care of the kids.
6
SPEAKER_00
Well, meaning she s doing all of that too.
6
SPEAKER_00
Right.
6
SPEAKER_01
But she s also providing, right?
6
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
6
SPEAKER_01
And maybe that can be also a way into the conversations.
6
SPEAKER_01
A lot of men want to be providers and enjoy being providers, actually.
6
SPEAKER_01
And maybe he s not realizing that he is sort of failing in that department.
6
SPEAKER_01
He needs to know and he needs to care.
6
SPEAKER_01
And if he doesn t care, I think that s where you can start divesting or thinking about, again, like, is this the kind of partnership that you want?
6
SPEAKER_01
And I just always think people who love you care about how they make you feel.
6
SPEAKER_01
You know, no matter what it is, no matter if it s the mental load or it s that you like pictures of girls on Instagram, like whatever.
6
SPEAKER_01
There s a whole spectrum, right, of things.
6
SPEAKER_01
But they should care about how you feel and be interested and curious.
6
SPEAKER_01
There can t just be one person validating the other person s emotions.
6
SPEAKER_01
Or again, you re like, oh, I know that this is important to him that he does a job he believes in, right?
6
SPEAKER_01
Getting a PhD, like you re listening and you re validating his feelings, but is he validating yours?
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, that s tough.
6
SPEAKER_00
Thank you for writing in.
6
SPEAKER_00
Alright, that s all for today, but that was super fun.
6
SPEAKER_00
Please keep writing in.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yes, we love these questions.
6
SPEAKER_00
They re all so fantastic.
6
SPEAKER_00
We love answering and we feel very lucky and trusted.
6
SPEAKER_00
Honored.
6
SPEAKER_01
And just asking the questions I think makes so many people feel like, oh my God, I don t feel so alone.
6
SPEAKER_01
I know.
6
SPEAKER_01
Just the process of doing that I hope feels good.
6
SPEAKER_00
Me too.
6
SPEAKER_00
Are we going to wait a week to decide our challenges?
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I don t think we re ready.
6
SPEAKER_00
We re not ready.
6
SPEAKER_00
We re not in the mindset.
6
SPEAKER_00
We re not in the headspace.
6
SPEAKER_00
But that s okay.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
All right.
6
SPEAKER_00
Well, I love you.
6
SPEAKER_00
Happy birthday.
6
SPEAKER_00
Happy 37.
6
SPEAKER_00
Happy New Year.
6
SPEAKER_00
Happy New Year to everybody.
6
SPEAKER_00
To everybody.
6
SPEAKER_00
And we ll see you next week.
6
SPEAKER_00
Bye.