0
SPEAKER_02
Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous.
0
SPEAKER_02
I m Doug Fairbanks and I m joined by Mae West.
0
SPEAKER_03
Hello.
0
SPEAKER_02
Hi Mae.
0
SPEAKER_02
Before we kick off this episode, I want to tell the listeners, the cherries, the prompts for next month.
0
SPEAKER_03
Let s do it.
0
SPEAKER_02
The prompts are as follows.
0
SPEAKER_02
This is by popular demand.
0
SPEAKER_02
It arose from the episode on Great Hospitality.
0
SPEAKER_02
And that is, tell us your meet cute.
0
SPEAKER_02
And people were downright offended that I didn t think that was a ubiquitous term.
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, they were.
0
SPEAKER_02
And it was your idea.
0
SPEAKER_03
No one wanted to do it.
0
SPEAKER_03
People shut down, people meaning you.
0
SPEAKER_02
Me.
0
SPEAKER_03
Shut down the idea of doing meet cute.
0
SPEAKER_03
And then the cherries spoke.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yes, so I hope this will be one example that I do listen.
0
SPEAKER_02
To the cherries.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yes, and it is a democracy.
0
SPEAKER_02
I listen to you quite a bit as well.
0
SPEAKER_02
So it is still democratic in nature.
0
SPEAKER_02
And so I ve been overpowered, vetoed by the cherry.
0
SPEAKER_02
So tell us about your meet cute.
0
SPEAKER_02
Tell us about a crazy gym story.
0
SPEAKER_02
Something that happened at the gym.
0
SPEAKER_02
Love gym stories.
0
SPEAKER_02
Everyone s pretty vulnerable at the gym.
0
SPEAKER_02
They re in very thin clothes and they re doing weird stuff in front of each other.
0
SPEAKER_02
Injuries, right for a crazy story.
0
SPEAKER_02
Third, tell us about a wild holiday vacation.
0
SPEAKER_02
Wild holiday vacation.
0
SPEAKER_02
It d be great if it was Christmassy, as we are knocking on the door.
0
SPEAKER_03
If it was a cold story.
0
SPEAKER_02
And Saint Nick was involved.
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, or a menorah.
0
SPEAKER_03
Menorah on fire.
0
SPEAKER_03
Like, I don t know, there are things.
0
SPEAKER_02
Oh, grandma.
0
SPEAKER_02
What was that?
0
SPEAKER_02
That was Thanksgiving.
0
SPEAKER_02
Gammy.
0
SPEAKER_02
Oh, yeah.
0
SPEAKER_02
Gammy.
0
SPEAKER_02
Gammy was fully engulfed in flames.
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, anyway, there s lots of options.
0
SPEAKER_02
I hate how many people we ve heard fire stories.
0
SPEAKER_02
A lot.
0
SPEAKER_02
We ve had an inordinate amount of people that have been badly burned.
0
SPEAKER_03
I know.
0
SPEAKER_02
I know, I hate it.
0
SPEAKER_02
I hate it, I feel so bad.
0
SPEAKER_02
That s really scary.
0
SPEAKER_02
So brutal.
0
SPEAKER_02
Okay, those are the prompts, but that is alas not today s episode.
0
SPEAKER_02
Today s episode is crazy babysitting experiences slash stories.
0
SPEAKER_03
You can listen to all these.
0
SPEAKER_02
Oh, okay.
0
SPEAKER_03
But one is,
0
SPEAKER_02
But, the last, but, B-U-T-T.
0
SPEAKER_03
One is really great.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_03
They re all great, but one really will get you.
0
SPEAKER_02
And if you re the boy in that story and you re all grows up and you want to tell us what happened.
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_02
Email us.
0
SPEAKER_02
He s an adult now.
0
SPEAKER_03
I don t know, that guy wasn t that old.
0
SPEAKER_02
I don t know how old that guy was.
0
SPEAKER_02
I don t know why in my mind it was 09.
0
SPEAKER_02
Maybe.
0
SPEAKER_02
I don t know.
0
SPEAKER_03
I don t remember.
0
SPEAKER_02
If you re an adult and you want to talk about this.
0
SPEAKER_03
You want to share.
0
SPEAKER_02
We d love to hear your side of it.
0
SPEAKER_02
Please enjoy Crazy Babysitting Stories.
0
SPEAKER_00
Hello.
0
SPEAKER_00
Hi.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, wonderful.
0
SPEAKER_02
We can hear you.
0
SPEAKER_02
Can you hear us?
0
SPEAKER_00
I can hear you perfectly.
0
SPEAKER_00
And you guys look great in those chairs.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s so fun to see it live.
0
SPEAKER_00
Thank you.
0
SPEAKER_02
And is your name Curry?
0
SPEAKER_00
It is Curry.
0
SPEAKER_02
This is incredible.
0
SPEAKER_02
How did your parents come across Curry?
0
SPEAKER_01
It s a family last name.
0
SPEAKER_01
So my mom s mom s last name was Curry.
0
SPEAKER_01
And she unfortunately passed while she was pregnant with me.
0
SPEAKER_01
So she named me Curry as an honor to her.
0
SPEAKER_02
Steph Curry.
0
SPEAKER_02
That s a Curry last name.
0
SPEAKER_01
I think I m older than Steph.
0
SPEAKER_01
So I like saying the OG.
0
SPEAKER_01
Isn t that depressing?
0
SPEAKER_01
It s really depressing.
0
SPEAKER_02
I hate being older than these NBA players.
0
SPEAKER_02
I m older than the coaches now, Curry.
0
SPEAKER_02
Like most of the coaches are younger.
0
SPEAKER_03
Well, you know who s older than you?
0
SPEAKER_03
Marie Curie.
0
SPEAKER_02
She s long dead.
0
SPEAKER_02
She s past and older than you.
0
SPEAKER_02
Long gone.
0
SPEAKER_02
Good job on another Curry.
0
SPEAKER_01
Thank you.
0
SPEAKER_02
So, Curry, you have a wild babysitting experience.
0
SPEAKER_01
I do.
0
SPEAKER_01
Well, I m so excited to talk to you guys today.
0
SPEAKER_01
And before I get started, I promised my fiancé, who helped me set up in the closet, that I would tell you, Jax, that he loved you as Frito in the criminally underrated film Idiocracy.
0
SPEAKER_02
Your husband sounds like a genius.
0
SPEAKER_02
Is he a bonafide genius?
0
SPEAKER_01
He really is.
0
SPEAKER_01
That s why I m marrying him.
0
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_02
Wonderful.
0
SPEAKER_02
Oh, fiance.
0
SPEAKER_02
I m sorry.
0
SPEAKER_02
You said fiance.
0
SPEAKER_02
Well, almost husband.
0
SPEAKER_01
When and where are you getting married next September back in Maine?
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God.
0
SPEAKER_01
Give us the address.
0
SPEAKER_01
We ll come.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yep.
0
SPEAKER_02
We ll be there.
0
SPEAKER_01
If you guys want to come to my wedding, I swear to God, you are invited.
0
SPEAKER_02
If we have to poop in the yard while everyone looks, that s a pre-negotiated fee.
0
SPEAKER_01
Just so you know, that s going to cost some dollars.
0
SPEAKER_02
Okay, where did this babysitting story happen?
0
SPEAKER_02
In Maine?
0
SPEAKER_01
No, it took place in Boston.
0
SPEAKER_01
So I grew up just outside of Boston, actually in the town where you got some great hospitality in Wellesley when you had the whole debacle with the airport.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
0
SPEAKER_02
What a cute town.
0
SPEAKER_02
We walked the dogs in this insanely bucolic, beautiful park.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s really gorgeous.
0
SPEAKER_01
But this was back in 2002.
0
SPEAKER_01
I was about 15 years old, so born in 87, and have a dad that very much instilled hard work and financial savviness from an early age.
0
SPEAKER_01
So if I wanted to get my first car by my 16th birthday, I had to earn half of it.
0
SPEAKER_01
So I was babysitting every weekend
0
SPEAKER_01
weeknights decks, just so you know, that first car was a 1998 silver sob nine three turbo hatchback.
0
SPEAKER_01
It was sweet.
0
SPEAKER_02
Great car, but a little high on the maintenance side.
0
SPEAKER_02
Did it break a lot?
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it was a complete lemon.
0
SPEAKER_01
I ended up selling it for a CRV.
0
SPEAKER_01
I had a CRV.
0
SPEAKER_02
That was Monica came to LA in a CRV.
0
SPEAKER_01
Perfect.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
I had a white CRV.
0
SPEAKER_01
It was just too expensive to keep up with the sob, but had a lot of fun driving in and out of Boston way too fast for a 16 year old.
0
SPEAKER_01
So a new family moved in a few streets over from us and got my name from one of my regulars and asked if I could babysit on a weeknight for their six-year-old daughter and year-and-a-half-old son.
0
SPEAKER_01
I, of course, said yes, wanted a new family on my roster.
0
SPEAKER_01
So I showed up to their house the following week, and the mom and dad kind of walked me through the rules and guidelines of the house.
0
SPEAKER_01
No dessert, no TV on weeknights.
0
SPEAKER_01
Here s where the games are, emergency numbers, the usual.
0
SPEAKER_01
I told them I had it covered and they went off for their gala date night.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I feel like at this point I need like that narrator to come in and be like, she did not have it covered.
0
SPEAKER_02
Were you at all anxious about having a one and a half year old and a toddler or whatever?
0
SPEAKER_01
Not really, because I was babysitting for a family that had like a one year old, a four year old and a 10 year old at the time.
0
SPEAKER_01
So this kind of seemed like a piece of cake.
0
SPEAKER_02
Incredible that we just go like, yeah, 14 year old, you d never had any children, but you can definitely juggle three.
0
SPEAKER_02
I know.
0
SPEAKER_01
I had really good recommendations.
0
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I started like mothers helping when I was nine because I just thought babies were really cute.
0
SPEAKER_01
By that time I had had like six years of experience.
0
SPEAKER_02
Right, I guess you had more than the parents.
0
SPEAKER_01
Exactly.
0
SPEAKER_01
So quickly after leaving, the six-year-old daughter started telling me that all of her other babysitters would let her watch TV and have desserts, and so I also needed to, and her parents wouldn t be mad.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I nicely told her that her parents told me that she was in fact not allowed to have either of those things.
0
SPEAKER_01
but we could read or play games or do anything else she wanted to do.
0
SPEAKER_01
She was not having it and was getting more and more frustrated with me.
0
SPEAKER_01
So somehow I finally convinced her to go to the basement playroom to play with some Barbies and some blocks with her brother.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I should add at this point,
0
SPEAKER_01
that the year and a half year old was in a little bit of a no walking and crawling phase.
0
SPEAKER_01
So I had to carry him everywhere.
0
SPEAKER_02
Sounds like a boy.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yep.
0
SPEAKER_01
He was not skipping dessert and was a very healthy 30 pounds.
0
SPEAKER_01
So quite a big boy to carry around.
0
SPEAKER_02
Rotund child.
0
SPEAKER_01
Very beautifully chunky.
0
SPEAKER_01
Loved him.
0
SPEAKER_01
The basement playroom was down a very narrow, very low staircase.
0
SPEAKER_01
And you can t tell from me sitting like this, but
0
SPEAKER_01
Even at 15, I was already almost six feet tall.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh, my God.
0
SPEAKER_02
Congratulations.
0
SPEAKER_01
Thank you.
0
SPEAKER_01
You know, the struggle, Dax.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s like you re walking down a staircase and you have to duck.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I m also finagling this little baby while ducking slash bowling ball.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, squirmy little thing.
0
SPEAKER_01
So we got down to the basement.
0
SPEAKER_01
Everything s fine for the first 10 to 15 minutes.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m patting myself on the back that I got this girl off the let s break the rules train, or so I thought.
0
SPEAKER_01
And then suddenly, without warning, I was just sitting on the floor playing with her and her brother.
0
SPEAKER_01
She shot up and bolted up the stairs, turning every single light off on her way up.
0
SPEAKER_01
So I m literally and figuratively in the dark.
0
SPEAKER_01
as to what just happened, sitting there next to a screaming year-and-a-half-year-old now because he s terrified.
0
SPEAKER_01
And this was pre-cell phone flashlights and in a new house for me.
0
SPEAKER_01
So I had no way to see where I was or where the lights were or where the stairs were.
0
SPEAKER_01
Not a good situation.
0
SPEAKER_01
So I finally find the little boy, pick him up, and just start kind of like shuffling towards what I think is the staircase.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I find it, and I very slowly start making my way up with this screaming, writhing little boy in one arm, clutching the railing on the other, and just like convincing myself not to fall backwards and kill a baby on my first time with this new family.
0
SPEAKER_01
This is so stressful.
0
SPEAKER_01
So I finally get to the top, feel a sense of relief, only to reach for the door,
0
SPEAKER_01
and a new wave of panic.
1
SPEAKER_02
washes over me because the door is locked.
1
SPEAKER_00
This girl s good.
1
SPEAKER_00
I want to hire her.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, this is who you need.
1
SPEAKER_02
She s in jail now.
1
SPEAKER_00
She s probably running a Fortune 500.
1
SPEAKER_02
Or on the Olympic track team, because I swear to God, I ve never seen someone run so fast, like, to this day, as she did up the stairs.
1
SPEAKER_00
She had athletic prowess.
1
SPEAKER_02
She really did.
1
SPEAKER_02
I hope she made the track team.
1
SPEAKER_02
So I think maybe at first, Kate s an old house.
1
SPEAKER_02
So I try to just kind of nudge into the door.
1
SPEAKER_02
Maybe the handle just doesn t turn, doesn t budge.
1
SPEAKER_02
It s at this point that I hear the little girl maniacally laughing on the other side of the door.
1
SPEAKER_02
I don t watch horror movies with children to this day.
1
SPEAKER_02
That s my thing too.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s your trigger.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
I m trying to remain calm and kind of telling her through the door, you know, you need to let us out now.
1
SPEAKER_02
She says, no, not unless you agree that I can watch TV and have my dessert.
1
SPEAKER_02
I m like, okay, I gotta try a different angle.
1
SPEAKER_02
So I tell her her brother s really scared.
1
SPEAKER_02
She doesn t give a shit, as most older siblings don t.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I don t negotiate.
1
SPEAKER_02
I just tell her that I ll do whatever she wants.
1
SPEAKER_02
Just let me out of the basement.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, sure.
1
SPEAKER_00
And you can go back on your word.
1
SPEAKER_00
This bitch already double-crossed you.
1
SPEAKER_02
I m 15.
1
SPEAKER_02
I m not a parent.
1
SPEAKER_02
I ve tried to enforce the rules at this point very well.
1
SPEAKER_02
So I tell her I ll do it.
1
SPEAKER_02
and she finally unlocks the door and lets me out, but not before telling me that if I go back on my word, that she s going to tell Mommy and Daddy that I hit her.
1
SPEAKER_02
So I have to make sure that I let her do this.
1
SPEAKER_02
She s clever.
1
SPEAKER_02
I was like, all right.
1
SPEAKER_02
So I have to do this because I can t let other families in the neighborhood hear about this if she tells her parents and lose out on my business and my sob.
1
SPEAKER_02
So I m like, okay, get her her Oreos.
1
SPEAKER_02
She runs over to the TV all gleefully, won that round, was so excited.
1
SPEAKER_02
Luckily, after this, she goes to bed pretty easily because she got what she wanted.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I sit up waiting, mostly fuming, for the parents to come home and obviously eat all the good snacks, like every single Gushers in the house.
1
SPEAKER_02
Good.
1
SPEAKER_02
And when they come home, I m really expecting them to be like, we re so sorry.
1
SPEAKER_02
Here s an extra tip.
1
SPEAKER_02
They don t believe me.
1
SPEAKER_02
And they accuse me of lying.
1
SPEAKER_02
No.
1
SPEAKER_02
And say there s no way that their daughter did this.
1
SPEAKER_02
And because of that lie, I refused to pay me my full rate.
1
SPEAKER_02
No!
1
SPEAKER_02
20 bucks for this six hour nightmare.
1
SPEAKER_02
What?
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh my lord.
1
SPEAKER_04
It was crazy.
1
SPEAKER_04
Oh.
1
SPEAKER_00
What assholes.
1
SPEAKER_04
That makes me feel like I have PTSD.
1
SPEAKER_00
Litigious?
1
SPEAKER_04
I hate this story so much.
1
SPEAKER_00
Because you ve been a babysitter.
1
SPEAKER_04
I know, and that parents think their kids are so perfect.
1
SPEAKER_02
My parents certainly didn t think I m perfect.
1
SPEAKER_02
Exactly.
1
SPEAKER_02
No, she was another breed.
1
SPEAKER_02
I ve never had another one like it.
1
SPEAKER_00
If that whole thing had happened and my mom had come home and you told her that, she would go, yeah, yeah, of course, that s what they did.
1
SPEAKER_00
Sorry I had to deal with that.
1
SPEAKER_04
Even if I had shown zero inclination to have ever done something like that, if someone told my parents, they d be like, oh, she did.
1
SPEAKER_04
Like, they would never think that someone was lying to them.
1
SPEAKER_04
I know.
1
SPEAKER_04
It was so crazy.
1
SPEAKER_02
I never heard from them again, obviously, nor did I reach out.
1
SPEAKER_02
They did not make the roster for my babysitting empire that I had going.
1
SPEAKER_00
It didn t taint your reputation in the neighborhood.
1
SPEAKER_02
Thankfully, no, but I did actually hear from one of the other families and kind of confirmed this story, obviously, before, to make sure it wasn t being a dramatic 15-year-old memory.
1
SPEAKER_02
This happened again to another babysitter after me, so hopefully they believed her.
1
SPEAKER_02
I mean, I m sure it wasn t her first time.
1
SPEAKER_02
She was very savvy.
1
SPEAKER_02
What year did you say this was?
1
SPEAKER_02
I think, like, end of 2002, early 2003.
1
SPEAKER_02
I m a Capricorn like you, Dak, so my birthday is towards the end of the year.
1
SPEAKER_00
Are you a control freak like me?
1
SPEAKER_02
Absolutely.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yes, we come by it honestly.
1
SPEAKER_02
I mean, do you see my, like, organization in the clause?
1
SPEAKER_02
Not the shoes, that s kind of my fiancé s, but the color coordination and bells and stuff.
1
SPEAKER_02
I figured Monica would like it, too, as a Virgo.
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, this little gal is now a 24-year-old woman, and I am sincerely dying to know how she turned out.
1
SPEAKER_00
Same.
1
SPEAKER_00
Because she might be amazing now.
1
SPEAKER_04
Sorry to say, but I don t know about with those parents.
1
SPEAKER_04
It s not her fault, but if they re that blindly, yes, that s not great for her.
1
SPEAKER_00
My guess is she continued to get in trouble growing up and they were the type of parents that always blame the friend.
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, you can t be with that friend.
1
SPEAKER_00
Then they re in trouble with another friend or the teacher.
1
SPEAKER_00
Now I m triggered because I was the scapegoat kid a lot.
1
SPEAKER_00
A lot of parents didn t let their kids hang out with me and their kids were worse than me.
1
SPEAKER_02
It s always the scapegoat.
1
SPEAKER_02
It s not as bad.
1
SPEAKER_02
It s the ones that fly under the radar.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s right.
1
SPEAKER_00
They re the real sociopath.
1
SPEAKER_02
I hope this didn t taint gallows for you.
1
SPEAKER_02
No, no.
1
SPEAKER_02
I went to a couple that were really fun.
1
SPEAKER_02
And to be honest, this story is no longer bitter to me because I got to talk to you guys, which is better than any payment.
1
SPEAKER_02
I ve been an armchair since day one.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
We re coming up on six years together.
1
SPEAKER_02
I know it s the longest relationship I ve ever had.
1
SPEAKER_00
Do you think one day I ll be 90, Monica will be 77 and you ll be 77 and we ll all be doing this still?
1
SPEAKER_02
I certainly hope so.
1
SPEAKER_00
And the fact check will solely be about how recently I shit my pants and peed my pants.
1
SPEAKER_02
It ll probably happen during the fact check.
1
SPEAKER_00
It ll definitely happen during the fact check.
1
SPEAKER_02
You can just create a little thing next to your chair to handle that.
1
SPEAKER_02
True.
1
SPEAKER_00
I might, yeah, just have what I had in Idiocracy, which is a toilet.
1
SPEAKER_00
Lazy boy.
1
SPEAKER_04
I just hope you can remember me then.
1
SPEAKER_00
I will.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m going to have a good memory until I m dead.
1
SPEAKER_04
You think so?
1
SPEAKER_00
I do.
1
SPEAKER_00
I feel strongly about that.
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, Currie, it s so nice meeting you.
1
SPEAKER_02
It was so nice meeting you guys, too.
1
SPEAKER_02
I just want to say thank you so much for always making us laugh and having the tough conversations.
1
SPEAKER_02
And Monica, specifically for you, thank you so much for Race to 35.
1
SPEAKER_02
didn t meet my fiance until I was 34 and so spent a lot of my early 30s kind of
1
SPEAKER_02
waffling on if I wanted to have kids and what I wanted to do there and through your podcast and then also a lot of therapy did what I want versus what society tells us to want.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I m very happy with a dink relationship, dual income, no kid with my future husband.
1
SPEAKER_02
I credit a lot of that to the honest combos that you had.
1
SPEAKER_02
That s wonderful.
1
SPEAKER_02
Thank you.
1
SPEAKER_00
Take care and good luck on your wedding.
1
SPEAKER_02
Thank you guys so much.
1
SPEAKER_04
Have a great day.
1
SPEAKER_00
All right.
1
SPEAKER_00
Bye bye.
1
SPEAKER_04
There s a fly in here.
1
SPEAKER_04
Have you noticed it?
1
SPEAKER_00
Is that from you?
1
SPEAKER_00
No!
1
SPEAKER_04
I m not on my flies right now.
1
SPEAKER_00
Are you sure?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah!
1
SPEAKER_04
Well, I guess I can t be positive.
1
SPEAKER_00
There s flies and they re not from me.
1
SPEAKER_04
They are from you!
1
SPEAKER_00
Hello.
1
SPEAKER_00
Hello.
1
SPEAKER_00
Is your name Tazma?
1
SPEAKER_01
My name is Tazma.
1
SPEAKER_00
Is it an abbreviated version of Tasmania?
1
SPEAKER_01
No, it s not.
1
SPEAKER_01
I need to actually come up with a better reason for my name.
1
SPEAKER_01
My dad was a teacher.
1
SPEAKER_01
All of the normal names were probably ruled out by naughty children.
1
SPEAKER_01
Sure, sure.
1
SPEAKER_00
And are you in Australia?
1
SPEAKER_01
I m in New Zealand.
1
SPEAKER_00
You re in New Zealand.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, fuck.
1
SPEAKER_00
I probably just offended you so much.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m raining in the offense.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s so cute to us that Aussies and Kiwis can t stand being confused.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s like Canadians and fucking Americans.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like no shit.
1
SPEAKER_00
We re the same thing.
1
SPEAKER_01
I guess it s kind of like a sibling rivalry.
1
SPEAKER_00
What city are you in?
1
SPEAKER_01
At the moment, I m in Auckland.
1
SPEAKER_01
I ve come here for a course.
1
SPEAKER_01
I ve just told them I just need to pop out for a few minutes.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, that s wonderful.
1
SPEAKER_00
Where do you live normally?
1
SPEAKER_04
Normally live in Whangarei.
1
SPEAKER_04
That s David s town.
1
SPEAKER_04
He says that a lot because I never know how to say it.
1
SPEAKER_00
Have you ever seen David Ferrier in real life, like strolling around?
1
SPEAKER_01
No.
1
SPEAKER_01
I do keep my eye out, but no.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
You have a crazy babysitting story and you re playing hooky right now.
1
SPEAKER_00
So let s not take up too much of your time.
1
SPEAKER_01
This happened 20 years ago.
1
SPEAKER_01
Actually, I was talking to the people involved just to make sure that I had the story straight.
1
SPEAKER_00
Sorry to interrupt you.
1
SPEAKER_00
What s insane is I was there because I was in New Zealand for three months, exactly 20 years ago.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think I went in November.
1
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
1
SPEAKER_01
I couldn t tell you which month.
1
SPEAKER_01
I was living in a different city.
1
SPEAKER_01
I was moving to Auckland and I didn t have accommodation sorted.
1
SPEAKER_01
And my new boss said, well, you should come and stay with my family and I. There was her and her husband and two young children.
1
SPEAKER_01
Ants was two turning three and Bella was turning five.
1
SPEAKER_01
What was going to be a sort of stay for a couple of weeks, I ended up staying for the year.
1
SPEAKER_01
I also still hang out with them in the summertime when they go camping.
1
SPEAKER_01
I ve inserted myself into this family.
1
SPEAKER_01
One day a week, I would often help out by looking after their children while my boss, she was doing athletics training, she was doing hammer throw.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I got on really well with the kids, basically like a big sister.
1
SPEAKER_01
And on this particular day, the house that we were living in was three separate stories and I was sort of in the kitchen preparing dinner.
1
SPEAKER_01
And Bella called out and said, oh, Tassie, there s a guinea pig on the stairs with a fat tail.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m like, oh, wow.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_01
Right.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I went down.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, no, it seems to have gone now.
1
SPEAKER_01
It must have gone home.
1
SPEAKER_01
And as we were coming back up the stairs, we heard this almighty thump and then screaming.
1
SPEAKER_01
And so her brother was somewhere in the house, so we had to go looking for him.
1
SPEAKER_01
I thought it was from the other stairwell going to the upstairs of the house.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I opened the door and I was hit with a wave of the smell of shit.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, wow.
1
SPEAKER_01
On the ground at the bottom of the stairs was this two-year-old.
1
SPEAKER_01
Sort of the back half of him was covered in poop and the front half was covered in blood.
1
SPEAKER_01
He was screaming, holding his head.
2
SPEAKER_02
What?
2
SPEAKER_02
It split his head open.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh my God.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh my God.
2
SPEAKER_01
Really quick.
2
SPEAKER_01
You re like, what do I attend to first?
2
SPEAKER_01
The blood or the poop?
2
SPEAKER_02
That s right.
2
SPEAKER_02
I scooped up the stinking little boy who was really upset and we went in the bathroom and
2
SPEAKER_02
It was a bath over a shower, so I m standing there washing him down, cleaning him up, and you know how head wounds are.
2
SPEAKER_02
They make a huge mess.
2
SPEAKER_02
It looked like some kind of nightmare.
2
SPEAKER_02
Dealt with the worst of it, and Bella comes in.
2
SPEAKER_02
She said, oh, I m going to jump in the shower too.
2
SPEAKER_02
And then as she got in, she goes, oh, look, there s the guinea pig.
2
SPEAKER_02
And I felt something on my leg.
2
SPEAKER_02
And climbing up my leg was this big rat.
2
SPEAKER_02
Ew!
2
SPEAKER_02
What?
2
SPEAKER_01
Rat shit and blood.
2
SPEAKER_01
Whoa.
2
SPEAKER_02
I know.
2
SPEAKER_02
It was like the trifecta of fun in that house that day.
2
SPEAKER_02
I got a fright and did a big sort of karate.
2
SPEAKER_02
Hi-yah!
2
SPEAKER_02
Kicked a rat off my legs and it bit me as it was going.
2
SPEAKER_01
What s happening in this house?
2
SPEAKER_01
It s like a poltergeist or something.
2
SPEAKER_02
So I just scooped these children out, wet children out of the shower, run through the room that I just kicked this rat into, slammed the door shut, get everyone sort of dried and try and staunch the bleeding of this head wound.
2
SPEAKER_02
And luckily the mother had just come home, so I took the child, once he had some clothes on, out to her and was explaining what had happened.
2
SPEAKER_02
And we looked up to the window of the bathroom where we were,
2
SPEAKER_02
And along the windowsill was this rat like just sitting, knowing we were talking about it.
2
SPEAKER_02
It was so revolting.
2
SPEAKER_02
It wasn t the last time that I babysat for that family because I was living with them.
2
SPEAKER_02
I don t think it put them off me.
2
SPEAKER_02
But this story comes up every year when we go camping.
2
SPEAKER_01
Really quick, was the injured head, here s what I ve immediately imagined.
2
SPEAKER_01
Little boys playing big spooky rat.
2
SPEAKER_01
He runs from it.
2
SPEAKER_01
He falls down some stairs, hits his head, shits his pants.
2
SPEAKER_01
What do we think was the order of events and was the rat involved at all with the head injury?
2
SPEAKER_01
And then lastly, were there any stitches?
2
SPEAKER_02
Right.
2
SPEAKER_02
So this little boy, I don t know if your children did this Dax, but mine certainly did.
2
SPEAKER_02
When they got to that age where they knew that they.
2
SPEAKER_02
could go to the toilet, but they often chose not to.
2
SPEAKER_02
He was one of those children.
2
SPEAKER_02
And he happened to be naked at the time and his preferred spot was by the stairs.
2
SPEAKER_01
He would shit on the- On the floor.
2
SPEAKER_02
Well, I don t think it was on the floor.
2
SPEAKER_02
He d usually have a nappy on, but just happened to be naked that day.
2
SPEAKER_02
And I think he must ve heard us exclaiming and been coming down.
2
SPEAKER_02
And I imagined in my head, it looked like he had slipped in the shit.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, Jesus.
2
SPEAKER_01
He s kind of the victim of his own filth, I guess.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yes, yes.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh wow.
2
SPEAKER_02
It was sort of above his eyebrow.
2
SPEAKER_02
They took him down to the after hours place and they glued it together.
2
SPEAKER_01
So there was no fracture of the frontal bone or anything?
2
SPEAKER_02
No.
2
SPEAKER_01
Because, okay, now back to the order of events, because I come upon this.
2
SPEAKER_01
Part of me might think I got to get the poop away from him because he s got an open wound.
2
SPEAKER_01
I might even think priority number one s the poop.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, cause you don t want to get the bacteria.
2
SPEAKER_01
You don t want the bacteria in that wound, but I don t know that that would be the right move.
2
SPEAKER_01
It just would be hard.
2
SPEAKER_02
It s a hard call to make.
2
SPEAKER_02
That s why we went straight to the shower to sort that shit out.
2
SPEAKER_01
So if that was 20 years ago, he s now a 23 year old.
2
SPEAKER_02
He s actually at university in the States.
2
SPEAKER_01
Surely he ll be back camping with a girlfriend soon or a boyfriend.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I pray that you.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh, every year.
2
SPEAKER_02
Absolutely.
2
SPEAKER_02
This comes out when he was a teenager.
2
SPEAKER_02
It was always that, oh, here we go again.
2
SPEAKER_01
Your Tasma goes again with this, fucking never going to let me live this down.
2
SPEAKER_01
It was three.
2
SPEAKER_01
What do you want me to do?
2
SPEAKER_01
It wasn t even three.
2
SPEAKER_01
I was just about to turn three.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, Tasma, what a great and terrible story.
2
SPEAKER_01
I so appreciate you telling us that.
2
SPEAKER_02
Thanks for the opportunity.
2
SPEAKER_02
So great to meet you.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, right back at you.
2
SPEAKER_01
I hope we bump into you in New Zealand.
2
SPEAKER_02
Come to Whangarei with David and you can come camping out at our farm.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_00
Sounds great.
2
SPEAKER_01
All right.
2
SPEAKER_01
Take care.
2
SPEAKER_01
Bye.
2
SPEAKER_02
Bye.
2
SPEAKER_00
I hate rats.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s what your takeaway is.
2
SPEAKER_01
Rats.
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, that was a big part of that.
2
SPEAKER_01
It is interesting.
2
SPEAKER_01
It was a big part of it, but at the same time it was completely separate, which is so shocking.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s too many things going on at once.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like a rat in the house.
2
SPEAKER_01
You re going to remember the shit you d remember for the rest of your life.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then the head wound, all of it.
2
SPEAKER_01
Feels very unsafe in here, all the rattling.
2
SPEAKER_01
The whole building s shaking.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m sure, too, if they accidentally backed that thing up into the garage, the whole thing could collapse.
2
SPEAKER_00
Don t say that.
2
SPEAKER_01
I think that would be possible.
2
SPEAKER_01
We d be fine, though.
2
SPEAKER_00
We would?
2
SPEAKER_01
We would just slide six feet down.
2
SPEAKER_01
No, we wouldn t.
2
SPEAKER_01
We would die.
2
SPEAKER_01
No.
2
SPEAKER_01
And we d catch on fire because of the candle.
2
SPEAKER_01
It would just collapse this way.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then we would slide down like, whee!
2
SPEAKER_01
Behind this corner, I think.
2
SPEAKER_01
You re very safe.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
You might not even be involved.
2
SPEAKER_01
You and I are going to slide in the lazy ways.
2
SPEAKER_01
Whee!
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, is it working?
2
SPEAKER_00
I am the smartest girl alive.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yes, you are.
2
SPEAKER_00
Let me put my mic on that I stole from someone at work.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay, great.
2
SPEAKER_01
Where do you work?
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, you don t have to give us the name of the place, but what kind of job do you have?
2
SPEAKER_00
I think you ll appreciate where I work.
2
SPEAKER_00
I obviously am American, but I studied abroad while I was in uni.
2
SPEAKER_00
and came to Perth, and ended up in a sexology class.
2
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
2
SPEAKER_00
And on the first day of sexology class, got into a fight with the cute boy next to me about circumcision, and now I m marrying him.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, me cute.
2
SPEAKER_01
And was he, he was pro-circumcision, you were anti-circumcision?
2
SPEAKER_00
Opposite.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh.
2
SPEAKER_00
I actually like that.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m Jewish, and that was just what I grew up knowing.
2
SPEAKER_00
And throughout this sexology class, I learned a lot.
2
SPEAKER_00
But over here in Australia, everyone s just rocking the turtleneck.
2
SPEAKER_01
Fuck yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m so jealous.
2
SPEAKER_01
I very much wish I had my force man.
2
SPEAKER_00
You do.
2
SPEAKER_01
Absolutely.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, first of all, you re supposed to have it.
2
SPEAKER_01
You re not born with extra parts that need to get cut off.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, exactly.
2
SPEAKER_00
Let s just start there.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s really true.
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, there s the whole humanitarian bodily rights side of it.
2
SPEAKER_00
Very interesting.
2
SPEAKER_00
And thank God we had that fight because now I m marrying my best friend in February.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m so excited.
2
SPEAKER_00
You could have submitted to Meet Cute.
2
SPEAKER_01
Since you were in a sexology class.
2
SPEAKER_01
No, I m not going to tell you this.
2
SPEAKER_01
Monica will be mad.
2
SPEAKER_00
Now you have to.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_01
I think what s the interest, if you have a foreskin, you basically can masturbate and you have lubrication.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like the whole thing slides.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s what seems really fascinating about having that.
2
SPEAKER_01
Does that make sense?
2
SPEAKER_00
That s why you want it.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Not for anyone else.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, yeah, for sure.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay, thanks for bearing with that.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay, this has to do with children.
2
SPEAKER_00
This has to do with children and not penises.
2
SPEAKER_00
Switching gears.
2
SPEAKER_01
Thank you for being in a tent, and if you bump into Daniel Riccardo, say hi from us, since you re in Perth.
2
SPEAKER_00
I promised my mom that I would invite you all to the wedding in February.
2
SPEAKER_00
We are getting married over here.
2
SPEAKER_00
There will be seats for the entire crew, Wabi-Wab included, and Emma, Mani, of course, the kids.
2
SPEAKER_01
Even Emma got one, that s nice.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s really nice.
2
SPEAKER_00
And Danny, of course.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, Daniel Ricardo.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yes, that s his hometown.
2
SPEAKER_00
Of course.
2
SPEAKER_00
Can t have a wedding in Perth without Dan either.
2
SPEAKER_00
No.
2
SPEAKER_00
But yes, so my story, I saw the prompt and was talking about it and trying to think, oh, you know, if I m ever going to write in, it s going to be for this one.
2
SPEAKER_00
I started babysitting when I was really young.
2
SPEAKER_01
What state?
2
SPEAKER_00
I grew up in Arizona.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, okay, great.
2
SPEAKER_00
Started babysitting there, but the story takes place in New Orleans while I was a sophomore at Tulane.
2
SPEAKER_00
To backtrack a little bit, I met this family actually two years prior.
2
SPEAKER_00
This would have been 2012 in Costa Rica.
2
SPEAKER_00
The mom and the dad were artists and we were there on a high school exchange trip where you go to Costa Rica for a month and you do community service projects and you travel around a bit.
2
SPEAKER_00
They were there helping us paint murals.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I m learning from them, they have this beautiful one-year-old boy, Vance.
2
SPEAKER_00
Cut to two years later, they live down the street from me while I m at Tulane, and I m thinking, oh my gosh, this is perfect.
2
SPEAKER_00
Easy money.
2
SPEAKER_00
They know me already.
2
SPEAKER_00
I can get in the door pretty quickly and start babysitting for them.
2
SPEAKER_00
And by then, they ve had another beautiful daughter, Vera.
2
SPEAKER_00
I am called over one night.
2
SPEAKER_00
I ve babysat for them a couple of times at this point.
2
SPEAKER_00
They re easy kids.
2
SPEAKER_00
Vance is, I think, three or four at this point, and Vera would have been maybe ten months.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay, baby.
2
SPEAKER_00
Anyone that s babysat before knows that that age difference can either be really easy because the four-year-old is independent enough to take care of themselves, and the ten-month-old isn t really enough independent to cause a problem.
2
SPEAKER_01
Right, right.
2
SPEAKER_01
They re generally not walking yet.
2
SPEAKER_00
She was not.
2
SPEAKER_00
Or it can be an absolute terror, and I ended up getting the terror evening.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_00
So it starts out pretty easy.
3
SPEAKER_03
Vance is just so excited to show me all of his toys.
3
SPEAKER_03
You know, we re playing with blocks, we re painting, we re doing arts and crafts, we re going outside, we re playing.
3
SPEAKER_03
I ve got Vera attached to my hip most of the night just because she s 10 months old.
3
SPEAKER_03
And eventually we start to play dress up and Vance decides to put on his tuxedo.
3
SPEAKER_03
Cumberbun, pants, full suit jacket, like this boy is dressed to the nines.
3
SPEAKER_00
Wow, he already owns a tux.
3
SPEAKER_00
What a smart young man.
3
SPEAKER_03
And he is looking fly and he knows it.
3
SPEAKER_03
So Vance is all dressed up.
3
SPEAKER_03
We keep on playing.
3
SPEAKER_03
It s getting closer to bedtime.
3
SPEAKER_03
So I m thinking, all right, I m going to start to put Vera in the bath.
3
SPEAKER_03
I ll chuck on a movie for Vance and he ll be fine.
3
SPEAKER_03
Because four-year-olds can watch a movie on their own and be fine.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_03
And as I m bathing her, I m realizing,
3
SPEAKER_03
It s really quiet.
3
SPEAKER_03
Like, this is so nice.
3
SPEAKER_00
It didn t feel eerie.
3
SPEAKER_00
You felt grateful.
3
SPEAKER_03
I was just like, oh, this is going really well.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_03
So I grab Vera out of the bath.
3
SPEAKER_03
I m dressing her, get her into her pajamas, and I can hear the movie in the background, but it s going from calm and quiet to, ooh, I don t love the sound of this silence.
3
SPEAKER_03
With Vera all dressed, I wander into the living room, and my jaw hits the floor.
3
SPEAKER_03
when I see Vance standing in front of a wall, I don t know if it was his mom s or his dad s painting, standing in front of the painting, tuxedo pants down around his ankles,
3
SPEAKER_03
diaper in his hand, like a paint palette, and he has taken his poop, taken his medium of choice, and has added embellishments to the painting on the wall.
3
SPEAKER_03
This is a nice painting.
3
SPEAKER_03
Splattered.
3
SPEAKER_03
Not just the painting.
3
SPEAKER_03
He s added embellishments to the television, all over the television.
3
SPEAKER_03
all over the couch, all over the carpet.
3
SPEAKER_03
It is a shit tsunami.
3
SPEAKER_00
He s gone full chimpanzee.
3
SPEAKER_03
He has gone full chimp all over their living room.
3
SPEAKER_03
And I, you can t, what do you do?
3
SPEAKER_03
Where do you start?
3
SPEAKER_03
And I say, Vance, what s going on?
3
SPEAKER_03
What happened here?
3
SPEAKER_03
And his only words were, I wanted to paint like daddy and mommy.
3
SPEAKER_00
No, no.
3
SPEAKER_02
That did not get me at all.
3
SPEAKER_00
Impervious to that.
3
SPEAKER_02
That sounds very manipulative.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, you think he was in on it?
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, oh, this is only, this ll sound endearing.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yep.
3
SPEAKER_00
Is that how mommy and daddy are painting?
3
SPEAKER_00
I guess is the followup question.
3
SPEAKER_03
My mind is going a mile a minute.
3
SPEAKER_03
They re due home in an hour.
3
SPEAKER_03
Their entire living room stinks to the high heavens.
3
SPEAKER_02
Ew!
3
SPEAKER_03
Absolutely covered in Call of Duty, as you would say.
3
SPEAKER_03
And it is just absolutely horrific.
3
SPEAKER_03
So I have to prioritize, right?
3
SPEAKER_03
One, still need to get Vance cleaned up.
3
SPEAKER_03
I ve got the baby, so I put her down first.
3
SPEAKER_03
She goes in her crib.
3
SPEAKER_03
She is not happy.
3
SPEAKER_03
I grab Vance literally up under the armpits and just travel him across.
3
SPEAKER_03
to the bathtub, where I m stripping off the tuxedo, which is just absolutely ridiculous.
3
SPEAKER_03
Can you just imagine a four-year-old pantsless in a tuxedo suit?
3
SPEAKER_00
That s wonderful.
3
SPEAKER_00
Just slinging shit at the wall.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like a really, really classy chimpanzee.
3
SPEAKER_00
It really makes sense.
3
SPEAKER_00
You know, sometimes they would dress those chimps up for people s amusement, put them on a bicycle or whatever.
3
SPEAKER_00
You can imagine them putting a suit coat on a chimp.
3
SPEAKER_03
I am scrubbing poop off of this boy because now it s like traveled down his legs.
3
SPEAKER_03
It s all over his arms.
3
SPEAKER_03
It s all over me.
3
SPEAKER_03
Which is part of, you know, the dangers of babysitting sometimes.
3
SPEAKER_03
But this is another level.
3
SPEAKER_03
How does a four-year-old produce so much excrement?
3
SPEAKER_00
It s one of the great mysteries of being a parent.
3
SPEAKER_00
I have that famous story about Delta where she took a dump.
3
SPEAKER_00
It was so enormous.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m like, where on earth did that come from?
3
SPEAKER_00
Flush it, put her in bed, go into the living room.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I hear.
3
SPEAKER_00
Daddy, I found it.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s diarrhea.
3
SPEAKER_00
She s like singing it, and I go and get her, and she s in a diaper, but it s fucking everywhere.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m like, not possible.
3
SPEAKER_00
Where did all this come from?
3
SPEAKER_02
Well, when it s liquid, I think it s.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s like half their body came out.
3
SPEAKER_03
Yuck, wild.
3
SPEAKER_03
So he s now cleaned off.
3
SPEAKER_03
I get him into bed, and by some miracle, both of them go to sleep.
3
SPEAKER_03
So I m able to take the last 30 minutes to try to start tackling this living room.
3
SPEAKER_03
I mean, it s not my house.
3
SPEAKER_03
I have no idea where their stuff is, right?
3
SPEAKER_03
So I m tearing this house apart, trying to find any cleaning supplies.
3
SPEAKER_03
How do you get paint off of a painting?
3
SPEAKER_03
I mean, sorry, not paint, poop.
3
SPEAKER_03
How do you get poop off of a painting?
3
SPEAKER_00
Right.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_03
I have no idea what to do.
3
SPEAKER_03
I don t want to ruin their artwork.
3
SPEAKER_00
I would have maybe tackled the room.
3
SPEAKER_03
Couch.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then I would have said, I didn t want to touch, I don t know if you re going to need to take that to a place, but obviously your painting is covered in feces.
3
SPEAKER_03
I m in a state of panic.
3
SPEAKER_03
I m not thinking straight.
3
SPEAKER_03
So I m thinking about the painting.
3
SPEAKER_03
I m trying to figure out what to do there.
3
SPEAKER_03
Eventually I do decide to give up.
3
SPEAKER_03
I try to tackle the TV, but it s just like smearing in at this point.
3
SPEAKER_03
And like, it s not going well.
3
SPEAKER_03
I try to start tackling the carpet, but that s also just smearing in deeper and deeper.
3
SPEAKER_00
You re making everything worse.
3
SPEAKER_03
It s getting worse.
3
SPEAKER_03
So eventually I just say, you know what?
3
SPEAKER_03
I m done.
3
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_03
The parents come home and it just draws again on the floor.
3
SPEAKER_03
What the hell happened here?
3
SPEAKER_03
And I have to say, listen, I put Vance in front of the TV for 30 minutes while I gave Vera a bath and I walked back to the Louvre, but shit, like just covered in poop.
3
SPEAKER_03
Vance s Picasso, poopcasso if you will, I suppose.
3
SPEAKER_03
They were so generous and kind about it.
3
SPEAKER_03
We re still friends.
3
SPEAKER_03
Every time we re home in the States, I go to New Orleans and I get to see them and I remind Vance of this story.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, that s your duty now.
3
SPEAKER_03
My call of duty has been fulfilled.
3
SPEAKER_03
He is my poopy Vance.
3
SPEAKER_00
Did the parents say this is not new?
3
SPEAKER_03
Oh no, this was new behavior.
3
SPEAKER_03
I think he saw his opportunity and he ran with it.
3
SPEAKER_00
I also think it sounds like he was trying to impress you.
3
SPEAKER_00
He was like, check out my shit.
3
SPEAKER_00
Here s all my toys.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m pretty stacked.
3
SPEAKER_00
Let me throw on this tux for you.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m handsome as fuck.
3
SPEAKER_00
Then check me out.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m artistic and I paint.
3
SPEAKER_00
I think that s what was happening.
3
SPEAKER_00
He was like, he s showing you all of his skills.
3
SPEAKER_03
I m the man of your dreams.
3
SPEAKER_03
Yes.
3
SPEAKER_00
Look at this.
3
SPEAKER_00
You didn t know I was artistic.
3
SPEAKER_00
Did you girl?
3
SPEAKER_00
What were you doing?
3
SPEAKER_00
Watching my sister?
3
SPEAKER_00
Cool.
3
SPEAKER_00
Cool.
3
SPEAKER_00
Cool.
3
SPEAKER_01
Another meet cute.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s kind of a meet cute.
3
SPEAKER_03
But yes, it was misadventures in babysitting.
3
SPEAKER_03
I ve had so many of them.
3
SPEAKER_03
There was the time I babysat a family, the next day had to go to the ER for some hijinks with my flies, and the dad was the one that had to do the... Oh, fuck.
3
SPEAKER_03
You never know what you re walking into, and I love it.
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, Mel, thank you for sharing that horrific story.
3
SPEAKER_03
So happy to share it.
3
SPEAKER_03
If anyone learns anything from my mistakes, it s you can never trust a four-year-old alone.
3
SPEAKER_03
So just don t take your eyes off of them.
3
SPEAKER_00
Half hour s too long to turn your back on a four-year-old in a tux.
3
SPEAKER_00
Definitely learned my lesson.
3
SPEAKER_03
I love you guys so much.
3
SPEAKER_03
Thank you so much for the opportunity to do this.
3
SPEAKER_03
It is so cool.
3
SPEAKER_03
I told my mom I would try to grab her really quick if that s okay.
3
SPEAKER_03
Sure, get her in here.
3
SPEAKER_03
Oh my God, is this for real?
3
SPEAKER_03
My mom is visiting from the States.
3
SPEAKER_03
Hello.
3
SPEAKER_00
Hi mom.
3
SPEAKER_01
I have to tell you, you re part of the fabric of our lives.
3
SPEAKER_01
I am not kidding.
3
SPEAKER_01
Part of the thread that weaves through the quilt of the Greenbergs.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s so sweet.
3
SPEAKER_00
Thank you.
3
SPEAKER_01
I just love you.
3
SPEAKER_01
Did she invite you to the wedding?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, February, February.
3
SPEAKER_00
And we re free to bring Daniel Riccardo.
3
SPEAKER_01
We extend invitations to all of the people who are part of the quilt.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, how kind.
3
SPEAKER_01
Seriously, you two have changed our lives significantly.
3
SPEAKER_01
We ve been listening to you forever.
3
SPEAKER_01
You fill our hearts.
3
SPEAKER_01
You make us smarter and just give us giggles.
3
SPEAKER_00
Thank you so much.
3
SPEAKER_00
We love Mel s story.
3
SPEAKER_01
Isn t that hysterical?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yes, yes.
3
SPEAKER_00
And horrifying.
3
SPEAKER_03
All right, hang on.
3
SPEAKER_03
Thank you so much for being so generous with your time.
3
SPEAKER_03
Yes, thank you.
3
SPEAKER_00
Take care, you guys.
3
SPEAKER_00
You re lovely.
3
SPEAKER_03
Have a good one.
3
SPEAKER_03
Oh my God, that was so cute.
3
SPEAKER_00
That was our first multi-generational, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
No, I think it s happened before.
3
SPEAKER_02
It s been babies too.
3
SPEAKER_02
Okay, babysitting is so hard, I was just remembering.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m sure you have a lot of PTSD.
3
SPEAKER_00
As you recall, most of my babysitting was with a child my age who I was pretending to be older than, so it wasn t that problematic.
3
SPEAKER_02
I just remember, I m not just saying this to you because I m happy to not try to placate you.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t think anyone would accuse you of trying to placate me.
3
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
3
SPEAKER_02
But your kids were the first ones that this didn t happen to me.
3
SPEAKER_02
And I loved a lot of the kids I babysat for, but time...
3
SPEAKER_02
goes at a molasses pace when you re babysitting.
3
SPEAKER_02
It would only be like four hours and I would pick them up from school and then it was like,
4
SPEAKER_03
How do I get, yes, okay, so we re gonna go to the library and then we re gonna, and I m just like staring at the clock at the library.
4
SPEAKER_03
Can I get them to get more books here?
4
SPEAKER_03
Okay, I guess we ll go to the park.
4
SPEAKER_03
Only been 45 minutes since we left school.
4
SPEAKER_03
It s crazy.
4
SPEAKER_01
But that didn t happen with my kids?
4
SPEAKER_03
It really didn t.
4
SPEAKER_03
I think part of the reason why is because Carly was there.
4
SPEAKER_03
There was an adult to talk to.
4
SPEAKER_03
It helped so much.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah, that makes sense.
4
SPEAKER_03
It s rough out there.
4
SPEAKER_03
Hello.
4
SPEAKER_01
Hello.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh, Matt, you re one of very few people that have their audio set up correctly.
4
SPEAKER_01
This is such a gift.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, normally we would go through seven or eight minutes of troubleshooting to get your mic to work.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m in tech, so I m used to this.
4
SPEAKER_00
I do it on a daily basis.
4
SPEAKER_00
Perfect.
4
SPEAKER_00
Where are you at?
4
SPEAKER_00
I m in Henderson, Nevada, about 20, 30 minutes outside of Las Vegas.
4
SPEAKER_00
My father-in-law lives in Hendersonville.
4
SPEAKER_00
Very nice.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m originally from Southern California.
4
SPEAKER_00
Where?
4
SPEAKER_00
Orange County.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh, okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
And Dax, you and I have actually met each other.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m surprised you don t recognize me.
4
SPEAKER_00
I totally recognize you.
4
SPEAKER_01
Let me tell everyone how we met.
4
SPEAKER_01
On a horseback riding trail in Phoenix, we crossed.
4
SPEAKER_03
Wow.
4
SPEAKER_03
Wow, how romantic.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, you re on a beautiful little Palomino.
4
SPEAKER_00
Now, when did we meet?
4
SPEAKER_00
Well, you re very close, but it was at a Laker game in LA.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh!
4
SPEAKER_00
Wait, were you sitting in front of me?
4
SPEAKER_00
No, we were both going through security at the same time.
4
SPEAKER_00
You were with Tom Arnold, who I actually recognized first.
4
SPEAKER_00
Of course.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then I saw this tall, handsome, actor-looking fellow standing right next to him.
4
SPEAKER_00
I was like, oh my gosh, that s Zach Shepard.
4
SPEAKER_01
So how long have you been in Nevada?
4
SPEAKER_00
Wife and I have lived here for two years.
4
SPEAKER_00
Before that we were in California.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then before that, we actually, between 2015 and 2018, we re in Las Vegas as well.
4
SPEAKER_00
So we came back.
4
SPEAKER_00
Now we re in the process of moving to Arizona.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
You guys love the desert lifestyle.
4
SPEAKER_00
We, uh, with my fair redheaded skin, we like to, uh, live life dangerously.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
So you have a babysitting story that I presume takes place in orange County.
4
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
4
SPEAKER_00
In 2005, I was about 14 years old.
4
SPEAKER_00
I used to babysit a couple of my neighborhood families that were in our exact facility.
4
SPEAKER_00
This family that was directly next door to us had.
4
SPEAKER_00
two young boys, a six-year-old named Anthony and a nine-year-old named Nick.
4
SPEAKER_00
And for this story s sake, I have changed their names.
4
SPEAKER_00
Nice, nice.
4
SPEAKER_00
So Anthony and Nick.
4
SPEAKER_00
To give you some additional context on the family, they were really kind, religious, Church Every Sunday type.
4
SPEAKER_00
They had super high Christian moral values to the point where they wouldn t allow Nick and Anthony to watch certain movies like Harry Potter.
4
SPEAKER_01
that branch.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
But really nice, super respectful kids would never disobey, would go to bed on time with no fuss, really super easy to babysit, which is probably why they allowed a 14 year old kid to babysit because they probably just needed somebody that could call the police if necessary, which might be a little foreshadowed.
4
SPEAKER_00
So this night in particular was kind of like any other Saturday night that I would have babysat for them.
4
SPEAKER_00
Their parents were only going to be gone for a couple of hours.
4
SPEAKER_00
We had pizza, watched a movie that wasn t Harry Potter, got him in bed with no fuss.
4
SPEAKER_00
I was hanging out downstairs, half asleep, waiting for their parents to come home when suddenly I heard just like a gut-wrenching scream come from upstairs from one of the boys.
4
SPEAKER_00
Of course, like my first reaction, I think it s very similar to your face, Monica, is just like, one of the boys are dead or there goes my babysitting career.
4
SPEAKER_00
I run upstairs.
4
SPEAKER_00
Once I m upstairs, I noticed that the boys lights in their bedroom are off, but the bathroom light underneath the door was on.
4
SPEAKER_00
So I go up to the bathroom.
4
SPEAKER_00
I knock and ask if everything is okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t hear a response.
4
SPEAKER_00
I then put my ear up to the door and I can hear that one of the boys is crying inside of the bathroom.
4
SPEAKER_00
Once I hear that, of course, I try to open the door, but it s locked.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then due to the commotion, the younger brother has now come out of his room.
4
SPEAKER_00
So I start pounding harder on the door, like, Nick, open up, because, you know, I don t know if he s bleeding out.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if he s pooped his bed.
4
SPEAKER_00
I really am unsure of like, what s going on.
4
SPEAKER_00
I just want to make sure that he s okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
And like most homes,
4
SPEAKER_00
The bathroom key is usually kept like on the doorframe.
4
SPEAKER_00
I check and see if there is a key up on the doorframe.
4
SPEAKER_00
There isn t any.
4
SPEAKER_01
Really quick, Matt, I hate to interrupt or put a speed bump in your story, but I don t think that s common place.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh, is it not?
4
SPEAKER_01
I think in your house, they have that.
4
SPEAKER_01
I have them.
4
SPEAKER_01
You did too.
4
SPEAKER_01
I still do.
4
SPEAKER_01
I stand corrected.
4
SPEAKER_00
It looked like a little wrench.
4
SPEAKER_00
My house, maybe it was a safe place to keep.
4
SPEAKER_01
It was like, yeah, it s very clever.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m mad at myself.
4
SPEAKER_01
I ve never thought of this.
4
SPEAKER_00
So at this point I m panicking and what does anybody do when they re panicking is they call their mom.
4
SPEAKER_00
So I immediately get out my flip phone, call my mom.
4
SPEAKER_00
Unfortunately, my mom doesn t answer.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then it dawns on me like, duh, I should probably call the parents of the kids that I m babysitting.
4
SPEAKER_00
I call them that, you know, Nick let out this huge scream.
4
SPEAKER_00
He has barricaded himself into the bathroom.
4
SPEAKER_00
They tell me that they re almost home, they re right around the corner.
4
SPEAKER_00
They get home really quickly, they rush upstairs.
4
SPEAKER_00
Of course, the dad knows where the key to the bathroom is and is able to get inside.
4
SPEAKER_00
But because of the way that the parents both rushed into the bathroom at the same time, I didn t really get a good vantage point of Nick.
4
SPEAKER_00
All I could see was that Nick was in the fetal position on the ground.
4
SPEAKER_00
On his side, his legs were facing the door and his pajama pants were
4
SPEAKER_00
at his ankles.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
The mother immediately begins to console Nick, like asking him questions while the father like immediately turns around and goes, okay, Matt, thanks for all your help.
4
SPEAKER_00
Let s get you on your way.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh.
4
SPEAKER_00
So of course my initial response is like concern for Nick.
4
SPEAKER_00
Is he okay?
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
What has happened under my watch?
4
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
4
SPEAKER_00
The dad was really adamant about ushering me downstairs, getting me paid and sending me on my way.
4
SPEAKER_00
At this point, I think it s just like a family matter.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t really necessarily think there s much wrong with Nick.
4
SPEAKER_01
Sounds like magic gone bad to me.
4
SPEAKER_00
Their worst fear, dark magic.
4
SPEAKER_00
I go home and since I live next door, it s just a quick walk.
4
SPEAKER_00
No less than like 30, 45 minutes later, I hear ambulance sirens and I see like bright ambulance lights.
4
SPEAKER_00
So of course, this like catches my family s attention to myself.
4
SPEAKER_00
So we go outside and we can see that Nick is being carried by paramedics, like in a blanket.
4
SPEAKER_00
is put into the ambulance and is like swiftly taken away, which is like super confusing.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
If I were you, I would have interpreted Nick s dad s like, Oh, Nick does something weird.
4
SPEAKER_01
The family knows about, he likes to put Tonka trucks up his ass or something that s happened before.
4
SPEAKER_01
That s embarrassing to the family.
4
SPEAKER_01
They just want you out of there.
4
SPEAKER_00
So the next morning we go to the house to check to see if Nick is okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
And at this point, the entire neighborhood, like thought something was up and the mother tells us verbatim.
4
SPEAKER_00
that Nick was jumping on his bed and he fell on a drumstick and the drumstick was lodged up his butt.
4
SPEAKER_03
No, no, no, no, no, no.
4
SPEAKER_01
How do you even, how does a drumstick get in a position to go up?
4
SPEAKER_00
I called my mom before this and I confirmed those were the exact words that the mom told us.
4
SPEAKER_01
Hold on, Nick was jumping on his bed, fell, and a drumstick went up his butt.
4
SPEAKER_01
Guys, guys, guys, guys, Nick was just putting a drumstick.
4
SPEAKER_01
Maybe it is magic.
4
SPEAKER_00
The drumsticks define the loss.
4
SPEAKER_00
Harry s wand went up his ass.
4
SPEAKER_03
Oh my God.
4
SPEAKER_00
None of it makes sense.
4
SPEAKER_00
Cause if it was jumping on the bed, I would have heard it.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s not the rambunctious type.
4
SPEAKER_03
He was just testing some stuff out.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, why not?
4
SPEAKER_00
You ve got a hole, here s a thing that would go in your hole.
4
SPEAKER_00
No one s home.
4
SPEAKER_00
We luckily were told that nothing seriously happened to Nick, but you know, they rushed to the hospital to have the drumstick removed.
4
SPEAKER_01
Really quick also, there s so much wrong with this story.
4
SPEAKER_01
Matt, I know you re telling me the truth, but pull the drumstick out of the ass.
4
SPEAKER_03
No, but maybe they were afraid, maybe it was so far up, like maybe it was hitting organs and stuff.
4
SPEAKER_01
I mean, unless it was a splintery drumstick, which there s no way it was.
4
SPEAKER_01
He wasn t a drummer.
4
SPEAKER_03
He didn t turn this thing into- Maybe they called the doctor and they said, take him to the emergency room.
4
SPEAKER_01
The doctor said, no more jumping on the bed.
4
SPEAKER_01
This is why.
4
SPEAKER_01
Monkeys.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m sorry, but if I go in there and there s a drumstick hanging out of my kids, I pull the drumstick out.
4
SPEAKER_03
I know you would, but I ve heard things like that.
4
SPEAKER_03
Like if you pull it out, then all the organs get dislodged.
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, I think what we ve heard is that we ve heard these stories.
4
SPEAKER_01
The one I know is someone like hit a golf club against a tree.
4
SPEAKER_01
It broke.
4
SPEAKER_01
It went into their neck.
4
SPEAKER_01
and then they pulled it out and then they immediately bled to death and they said, had you come in, they would have been able to tend to it.
4
SPEAKER_03
Right, I m just being safe and sorry, but that you said the Tonka trucks as a joke and then it was that.
4
SPEAKER_01
It was virtually that.
4
SPEAKER_03
Oh my God.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, very strange.
4
SPEAKER_01
Did it just end with that?
4
SPEAKER_01
Like, here s what happened.
4
SPEAKER_01
He s jumping on the bed.
4
SPEAKER_01
He fell.
4
SPEAKER_01
Somehow drumstick was sitting vertical and he unluckily landed perfectly on it.
4
SPEAKER_01
His pants had fallen off as he was jumping.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if this was a story that was made up by Nick and that the parents bought or perhaps that the parents were just telling us this.
4
SPEAKER_01
I think the headline, Matt, is that thank God you weren t implicated in any of this.
5
SPEAKER_05
The only thing I would think is like, I don t want anything to do with anything anal happening to a child while I m babysitting.
5
SPEAKER_05
Gotta get me out of that situation.
5
SPEAKER_02
Also, what would you have done if he had opened the door?
5
SPEAKER_02
Like, then you would have had to deal with it.
5
SPEAKER_05
Yeah, the parents would have came in, you d be sitting there with a drumstick up the son s ass.
5
SPEAKER_05
My goodness.
5
SPEAKER_05
I d be like, what the fuck is going on here, man?
5
SPEAKER_05
We leave for two hours to do Saturday Night Mass.
5
SPEAKER_05
Come on, there s a fucking instrument, my son.
5
SPEAKER_03
Of course, when retelling the story to my wife and my friends, that s the immediate knee-jerk reaction that they go to.
5
SPEAKER_03
And it s so weird that the father s first reaction, if it was me, would have been turned around and been like, why is there a drumstick in my son s house?
5
SPEAKER_03
And to kind of be like, oh, well, there goes Nick again.
5
SPEAKER_03
Let s get you home, Matt.
5
SPEAKER_05
We ve been here before.
5
SPEAKER_02
They obviously trust, you did all the right thing.
5
SPEAKER_02
You called them and you said, this is happening, I can t get in.
5
SPEAKER_02
The door s locked.
5
SPEAKER_02
Thank God you did all that, because if they had just come in, they probably would have been more.
5
SPEAKER_05
But you re right, it was a blessing that Nick locked the door behind him, because then you re not involved at all.
5
SPEAKER_02
Oh, poor kid.
5
SPEAKER_05
Having a little fun with a drumstick and the next thing he hurts himself.
5
SPEAKER_05
Ow!
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, he s crying.
5
SPEAKER_05
We ve all put a drumstick.
5
SPEAKER_01
Can t say that s true, but wow.
5
SPEAKER_01
Do you think it was a drumstick?
5
SPEAKER_03
Like a turkey drumstick?
5
SPEAKER_01
Probably.
5
SPEAKER_03
We just misheard the mom.
5
SPEAKER_05
Well, she just left out turkey drumsticks, or chicken drumsticks.
5
SPEAKER_05
You fell on a drumstick.
5
SPEAKER_05
That actually makes, somehow, more sense.
5
SPEAKER_05
There was like an errant, stray chicken leg.
5
SPEAKER_02
Oh, Lord.
5
SPEAKER_02
Wow.
5
SPEAKER_02
That was unexpected.
5
SPEAKER_02
Did not see that coming.
5
SPEAKER_05
No, Matt.
5
SPEAKER_05
It was a pleasure meeting you.
5
SPEAKER_05
Truly.
5
SPEAKER_05
What a great story.
5
SPEAKER_05
Thank you for telling us that more than happy to.
5
SPEAKER_03
And I m really glad to be able to meet you both.
5
SPEAKER_03
You want us to meet your wife?
5
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, absolutely.
5
SPEAKER_05
Let s get her in here.
5
SPEAKER_05
Oh, that can t be her birth name.
5
SPEAKER_05
Kit Kat.
5
SPEAKER_03
Kit Kat.
5
SPEAKER_03
Hi.
5
SPEAKER_03
Hi.
5
SPEAKER_05
Kit Kat.
5
SPEAKER_05
It s so nice meeting you.
5
SPEAKER_05
We love Matt.
5
SPEAKER_05
You really got a cutie pie.
5
SPEAKER_00
I do.
5
SPEAKER_00
I know I do.
5
SPEAKER_00
I have to be honest.
5
SPEAKER_00
I was giving him so much crap.
5
SPEAKER_00
I told him like, they re never going to select that story.
5
SPEAKER_00
I just thought there was going to be so many wild babysitting stories.
5
SPEAKER_05
That s pretty wilder than a drumstick up a child s ass.
5
SPEAKER_05
What could we have heard?
5
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I thought, I don t know, there d be some like parents walking in on like someone and their boyfriend.
5
SPEAKER_00
You never know.
5
SPEAKER_00
We didn t get any of those.
5
SPEAKER_00
So he had to shove the email in my face when it came through.
5
SPEAKER_00
Well, we loved it.
5
SPEAKER_05
We loved it.
5
SPEAKER_05
We love Matt.
5
SPEAKER_05
And it s so nice to meet you.
5
SPEAKER_01
You too.
5
SPEAKER_05
All right.
5
SPEAKER_05
Take care.
5
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
5
SPEAKER_01
Well, those were fun babysitting.
5
SPEAKER_05
Do you think, hold on, let s just wrap this up.
5
SPEAKER_05
I could see this happening.
5
SPEAKER_05
Nick s lying in bed and his anus itches.
5
SPEAKER_05
That s so common.
5
SPEAKER_05
Your little butthole can itch when you re little.
5
SPEAKER_05
And then you see a drumstick and you re like, oh, use that to itch.
5
SPEAKER_01
That d help.
5
SPEAKER_05
And then you re itching your asshole.
5
SPEAKER_05
And then you re like, oh, it feels good kind of when I itch the inside of my,
5
SPEAKER_05
You don t think it started as itching?
5
SPEAKER_02
Uh-uh, no.
5
SPEAKER_02
You re just thinking that because you used to use the ruler on your foot.
5
SPEAKER_05
My cap gun with the metal trigger, yeah, I used to scratch it until my feet were bleeding.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, so you have that in your head, but no, I don t think he was using it to itch his butt.
5
SPEAKER_02
I think you d use your fingers to itch your butt like most kids do, but he just wanted to know.
5
SPEAKER_05
What that felt like.
5
SPEAKER_02
Or maybe he had already done it once before and liked it.
5
SPEAKER_02
He s done it before.
5
SPEAKER_05
Well, if the dad, that was the dad s reaction.
5
SPEAKER_05
I think there was no like.
5
SPEAKER_02
Well, no, no, no.
5
SPEAKER_02
I think even.
5
SPEAKER_02
You re right.
5
SPEAKER_05
Cause if the dad, if it was the first time the dad ever saw this, he would think that boy was weird.
5
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_05
You would have accused babysitter.
5
SPEAKER_02
I don t think you would.
5
SPEAKER_02
He had to go get the key.
5
SPEAKER_02
And also the son would have said like, he did this.
5
SPEAKER_02
I bet he saw and was like, this is so embarrassing.
5
SPEAKER_02
He s like, this is so un-Christian.
5
SPEAKER_02
Exactly.
5
SPEAKER_05
Like I don t want this is Harry Potter.
5
SPEAKER_05
I knew it.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_05
I knew this black magic would get through our house.
5
SPEAKER_02
I think it was that.
5
SPEAKER_05
He s trying to ride a broomstick.
5
SPEAKER_05
Maybe he thought it was Quidditch.
5
SPEAKER_05
I said, Nick was trying to pretend he was riding a broomstick.
5
SPEAKER_02
And I thought that s how you wrote it.
5
SPEAKER_05
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_05
That s fair.
5
SPEAKER_02
Anyway.
5
SPEAKER_05
All right.
5
SPEAKER_05
Well, I love you.
5
SPEAKER_02
Love you.
5
SPEAKER_05
Do you wanna sing a tune or something, or a theme song?
5
SPEAKER_05
Oh.
5
SPEAKER_05
Okay, great.
5
SPEAKER_04
We don t have a theme song for this new show, so here I go, go, go.
5
SPEAKER_04
We re gonna ask some random questions, and with the help of our cherries, we ll get some suggestions on the fly, right?