0
SPEAKER_02
Oh my god, hello?
0
SPEAKER_00
Hello?
0
SPEAKER_02
Is this Lyle?
0
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
0
SPEAKER_00
Who is this?
0
SPEAKER_02
My name is Olivia.
0
SPEAKER_02
Oh my god, I can t believe I made it on.
0
SPEAKER_00
Olivia, what s going on?
0
SPEAKER_00
How can I, uh, geck you today?
0
SPEAKER_02
Well, I ve texted him about a couple of things.
0
SPEAKER_02
Um, what do you want to hear about, Lyle?
0
SPEAKER_00
Well, I guess what caught my eyes- Geck, rather.
0
SPEAKER_00
Sorry, not- You can call me whatever.
0
SPEAKER_00
You can call me the wrong name.
0
SPEAKER_00
I do it to people all the time.
0
SPEAKER_00
I couldn t complain.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay, Tom.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, yeah, you did text me a bunch of different things.
0
SPEAKER_00
Let s go with the most recent one.
0
SPEAKER_00
You wanted to talk about committing tax evasion.
0
SPEAKER_02
Oh, yeah.
0
SPEAKER_02
No, I ve been doing that for a couple of years now.
0
SPEAKER_02
And I ve been dating somebody who is a much more responsible person than me.
0
SPEAKER_02
And it was like, Hey, when was the last time you did taxes?
0
SPEAKER_02
And I was like, Hmm, that s a great question.
0
SPEAKER_02
So he s making an appointment for us to all go get our taxes done together.
0
SPEAKER_02
And I m terrified.
0
SPEAKER_02
Because I don t know if the IRS is going to be mad at me about that shit.
0
SPEAKER_02
And frankly, I don t really understand why I have to give the government a bunch of money.
0
SPEAKER_02
Because they have so much more money than me.
0
SPEAKER_02
And also, at this point in my life, I don t do anything.
0
SPEAKER_02
I don t even own a car right now.
0
SPEAKER_02
So why taxes?
0
SPEAKER_02
Why taxes?
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay, hold on I have thoughts about you just said but just just to like just to say this I m gonna just list off everything that you texted me you said My name is Olivia.
0
SPEAKER_00
I m 22.
0
SPEAKER_00
I want to talk about having three separate families
0
SPEAKER_00
And then you said, we could also talk about how I am a pothead who is dating a cop and I committed tax evasion.
0
SPEAKER_00
So, I mean, that s a lot of stuff.
0
SPEAKER_00
But anyway, I agree with you.
0
SPEAKER_00
Look, here s the thing.
0
SPEAKER_00
You know what?
0
SPEAKER_00
I think we should be allowed to not pay taxes as a form of protest against the government.
0
SPEAKER_00
I don t know what I m talking about.
0
SPEAKER_00
I don t know what I m talking about.
0
SPEAKER_00
I shouldn t have said that.
0
SPEAKER_00
I don t know what I m talking about.
0
SPEAKER_00
I m ready at 500 comments.
0
SPEAKER_02
No, no, you re cooking.
0
SPEAKER_00
No, no, I m not.
0
SPEAKER_00
I don t know what I m talking about.
0
SPEAKER_00
I m stupid.
0
SPEAKER_02
Anyway, get the GAC manifesto going.
0
SPEAKER_02
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
0
SPEAKER_00
I took a walk in the park today.
0
SPEAKER_00
I have to pay taxes.
0
SPEAKER_02
Oh, shit.
0
SPEAKER_02
See, I didn t leave my house today.
0
SPEAKER_02
Should I have to pay today s taxes?
0
SPEAKER_00
Maybe not.
0
SPEAKER_00
Maybe the government should, like, the government, well, here s what is, they should keep, just, they should keep track of how much public services you actually use and then make your taxes based off of that.
0
SPEAKER_02
Oh, see, but now you have, like, well, I guess, I don t know.
0
SPEAKER_02
Would we consider that, like, is the government watching?
0
SPEAKER_02
Is it?
0
SPEAKER_02
Like, probably.
0
SPEAKER_02
And by it, do I mean some larger hypothetical entity that doesn t really exist in a tangible, finite way?
0
SPEAKER_02
Of course I do.
0
SPEAKER_02
Of course that s what I mean.
0
SPEAKER_02
What was your name again?
0
SPEAKER_02
You said Dan?
0
SPEAKER_00
Do you make any money?
0
SPEAKER_02
I do make money, yeah.
0
SPEAKER_02
No, I do exist.
0
SPEAKER_00
Do you make a lot of money?
0
SPEAKER_02
No, no, no, no.
0
SPEAKER_02
See, that s my other thing is I don t get why
0
SPEAKER_02
Like, like I m over here sweating about this appointment, you know?
0
SPEAKER_00
How much money?
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_02
If the IRS is going to jump up my ass.
0
SPEAKER_00
How long have you, how long have you gone without paying taxes?
0
SPEAKER_02
Like three years, four years, maybe five.
0
SPEAKER_00
All right.
0
SPEAKER_00
Well, you re 22.
0
SPEAKER_00
So, I mean, you ve only really been an adult.
0
SPEAKER_02
I don t think I ve ever paid taxes.
0
SPEAKER_00
All right.
0
SPEAKER_00
How much, how much money do you think you owe?
0
SPEAKER_02
I ve never made more than minimum wage.
0
SPEAKER_02
So my thing is I probably would get money, but maybe not anymore since I haven t been doing the taxes.
0
SPEAKER_00
Well, hold on.
0
SPEAKER_02
So filing, what do you do for a living?
0
SPEAKER_02
I mean, like I don t do anything in particular right now.
0
SPEAKER_02
I used to work at restaurants.
0
SPEAKER_02
I do childcare sometimes.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_02
Nothing fancy, nothing like, you know, impressive.
0
SPEAKER_02
I make like apartment money, you know?
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay, but if you work for a restaurant, when the restaurant pays you, they take the taxes out of your paycheck already.
0
SPEAKER_02
Right, but you still have to file your taxes.
0
SPEAKER_00
You actually, you might get money.
0
SPEAKER_02
And you still get like a tax return.
0
SPEAKER_02
See, but my thing is like, do they get mad if you don t file?
0
SPEAKER_00
Why would they get mad?
0
SPEAKER_02
They don t, they, they, they get to be like, you should be, they want to basically they don t, they just want to know as soon as I make enough money to get taxed.
0
SPEAKER_02
Also, what if I do, what if this whole time I ve been like, oh, that s the other thing is I, so when I worked at restaurants and stuff, right, you get a paycheck, you get taxed on that.
0
SPEAKER_02
But if you work childcare and you do weird things and odd jobs and get paid under the table a lot, you don t really.
0
SPEAKER_02
Get taxed on that, but you still have to kind of report at least some of that because That s my thing.
0
SPEAKER_02
It s like what if what if the IRS is like start answering questions about where your money comes from I don t want to answer those questions Did you get paid in cash Sometimes so like that obviously that doesn t exist that never happened um but like
0
SPEAKER_02
A lot of people these days send a lot of money through like Venmo and things like that, and that s pretty easily trackable.
0
SPEAKER_02
Um... So for example, if I watch somebody s kid for a while, and then they send me payments through like Venmo, or even if they like sent it through like my bank, you know?
0
SPEAKER_02
Through the Zelle or whatever?
0
SPEAKER_02
It still, like, exists.
0
SPEAKER_02
And if the IRS was ever like, this bitch doesn t pay taxes, why?
0
SPEAKER_02
And started looking at things,
0
SPEAKER_02
I don t want that.
0
SPEAKER_00
Listen, you re probably fine.
0
SPEAKER_02
Probably.
0
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_02
So when I go in and I tell him that the gecko, like, they re like, Hey, why have you done all of this?
0
SPEAKER_02
And like, I m like, the gecko said, it s fine.
0
SPEAKER_02
Please stop yelling at me.
0
SPEAKER_02
How do you have three?
0
SPEAKER_02
Like, is that fine?
0
SPEAKER_00
How do you have three families?
0
SPEAKER_02
Oh, I ve been adopted twice.
0
SPEAKER_00
How does that work?
0
SPEAKER_02
One family gave me back.
0
SPEAKER_02
No shit.
0
SPEAKER_00
How old were you?
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_00
All right.
0
SPEAKER_00
So you were born and you were put up for adoption.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_02
So I was, um, I like had parents, you know, like the ones that, you know, I had originally.
0
SPEAKER_02
And, um, my dad passed away when I was younger.
0
SPEAKER_02
And then my mom, uh, lost custody and I was in foster care for a while.
0
SPEAKER_02
And then I got adopted and then, you know, my adopted parents, um,
0
SPEAKER_02
Basically, when I turned 18, they were like, Hmm, this doesn t work for us.
0
SPEAKER_02
And we don t like this.
0
SPEAKER_02
And I kind of have like a second family, who are some teachers that that both worked at my school when I was in high school.
0
SPEAKER_02
And they were like, Hey, what s going on?
0
SPEAKER_02
How s life?
0
SPEAKER_02
And I was like, not great.
0
SPEAKER_02
Not great at all.
0
SPEAKER_02
And they were kind of like, come be a part of our family.
0
SPEAKER_02
And so
0
SPEAKER_02
You know, now I m a part of their family and we spend all of the holidays together and all that kind of stuff.
0
SPEAKER_02
I still talk to my first adopted family.
0
SPEAKER_02
They live in Hawaii, though, and I live in New York.
0
SPEAKER_02
So that s a little far away, kind of a long drive.
0
SPEAKER_00
So, all right, let me let me get this straight.
0
SPEAKER_00
So you were put up for adoption when you were seven years old.
0
SPEAKER_02
More or less.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I wasn t adopted until I was 12.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay, so you went into foster care.
0
SPEAKER_00
So you went into foster care when you were seven, and then you were adopted.
0
SPEAKER_00
So you were in foster care for five years.
0
SPEAKER_00
And then you were adopted by this family when you were 12.
0
SPEAKER_00
And then when you were 18, the family said,
0
SPEAKER_00
Why?
0
SPEAKER_02
So it s gotten better and we talk now, but for a little bit it was rough because they were kind of like, um, you know, you don t exactly fit in with this family and we no longer have say like an obligation to keep you.
0
SPEAKER_02
So good luck is what they said.
0
SPEAKER_02
And I was like, Oh, that s ass.
0
SPEAKER_02
I m not going to lie.
0
SPEAKER_02
That was, that was ass when I said that.
0
SPEAKER_02
Um,
0
SPEAKER_02
But, you know, we ve talked about things and we talk sometimes.
0
SPEAKER_02
I have a little sister and a niece.
0
SPEAKER_02
So it s important to me to, like, still be in contact with them.
0
SPEAKER_01
So you re still cool.
0
SPEAKER_02
My new family is great.
0
SPEAKER_01
So you re still cool with the old family?
0
SPEAKER_02
Not fully Jewish.
0
SPEAKER_02
And they re like teaching me all of their stuff.
0
SPEAKER_02
And it s really interesting because, like, I grew up Catholic and half of their family is Catholic.
0
SPEAKER_02
So it s like this crazy combination of different religions that, like, we re just kind of like, fuck it, do whatever.
0
SPEAKER_01
So you re still cool with... Wait hold on.
0
SPEAKER_02
So you re still cool...
1
SPEAKER_01
with the old family?
1
SPEAKER_00
Uh, like, kind of.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, I love them.
1
SPEAKER_00
They raised me.
1
SPEAKER_00
They took me in and, you know, all of that good stuff.
1
SPEAKER_00
They re not like, you know, always my favorite people.
1
SPEAKER_00
But I lived with them and their family and families, you know.
1
SPEAKER_01
And now you live with this nice Jewish family who s teaching you how to be Jewish.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, well, I don t live with them, but I do live like right next door to them My apartment building is like next to their house, which is kind of crazy and they yeah, and they Like were you one of them was like your teacher?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, they re both teachers they re like super super cool people um and I like had a bunch of classes with both of them because they both do like history and Like the social studies kind of
1
SPEAKER_00
and I was really into that in high school.
1
SPEAKER_00
Also, the husband, like the, I don t know, new dad, he ran a D&D club with me when I was in high school, when I was like an older student.
1
SPEAKER_00
So we already spent a lot of time.
1
SPEAKER_00
They were kind of familiar with my like adopted, like my original adopted family being a little out there, a little different, a little zany, a little intense.
1
SPEAKER_01
So, how did you meet this, your boyfriend, who s teaching you how to do your taxes?
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, the cop boyfriend?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
Cop boyfriend, dating app.
1
SPEAKER_00
Dating app, Hinge.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
No, actually, I think it was Bumble.
1
SPEAKER_00
I believe it was Bumble.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, yeah, no, he s just the cutest thing.
1
SPEAKER_00
Is he cool?
1
SPEAKER_00
He s just the cutest thing.
1
SPEAKER_01
Is that good?
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, he s, I don t understand why he has the job he has.
1
SPEAKER_00
because he s very, he s very cool about all of the things.
1
SPEAKER_00
Um, yeah, no, it s really, it s, it s been interesting.
1
SPEAKER_00
So actually I kind of live with him nowadays.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m mostly taking up space in his house most days.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like I have an apartment, but I don t fuck with that right now.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, why don t you fuck with your apartment?
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, just because like he s here and
1
SPEAKER_00
So I m here most of the time.
1
SPEAKER_00
So I kind of just like locked that shit up and like it s there, you know, in case, cause we re not like married or anything.
1
SPEAKER_00
So if he dumps my ass, I gotta have a place to go.
1
SPEAKER_01
Um, how long have you guys been together?
1
SPEAKER_00
Over a year, actually.
1
SPEAKER_00
We just recently had our anniversary in January.
1
SPEAKER_01
Very nice.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s been going super cool.
1
SPEAKER_00
And also both of my adopted families think he s really cool.
1
SPEAKER_00
So that s cool.
1
SPEAKER_01
So I might like him more than me So I mean that s pretty cool.
1
SPEAKER_01
It sounds like everything s going well for you.
1
SPEAKER_01
I mean look.
1
SPEAKER_01
I don t think you re gonna get I Don t think you re gonna go to jail for tax evasion You have a boyfriend you like you have you have two families and
1
SPEAKER_01
Anything else?
1
SPEAKER_00
Do you still talk to the initial family?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
Uh, but my biological sister actually got adopted by the same family that adopted me like years later, years, years, years later, like when she was like 26, they legally adopted her and my niece.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so like, it was actually wild.
1
SPEAKER_00
Cause I lost contact with her since I got removed from my initial family, my birth family.
1
SPEAKER_00
Um, and she ended up in jail for a long time.
1
SPEAKER_00
Um, just for like stupid shit.
1
SPEAKER_00
She didn t like hurt anybody or anything.
1
SPEAKER_00
But, um, yeah, she ended up in jail for a long time.
1
SPEAKER_00
So I just, like, didn t even know if she existed.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then one day she, you know, answered a Facebook message and whatever, and she was going to have a baby.
1
SPEAKER_00
And, you know, I told my adoptive parents about that.
1
SPEAKER_00
I was like, I m going to move to Denver to help her take care of her baby.
1
SPEAKER_00
And they were like, the fuck you are.
1
SPEAKER_00
So they, you know, moved her out to where I am.
1
SPEAKER_00
And, you know, after they saw the situation she was in, they were like, oh yeah, no, you re part of our family now.
1
SPEAKER_00
That was kinda cool to be like, oh, are all of your sisters adopted?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yes, but that one s also related to me.
1
SPEAKER_00
Which to other people, that s super normal.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know, you re like, oh yeah, of course my siblings are related to me.
1
SPEAKER_00
In my world, that s abnormal, that s strange.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s strange when people are related.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like my boyfriend s family, I don t like it.
1
SPEAKER_00
Why do they all look the same?
1
SPEAKER_00
Why do they all sound the same?
1
SPEAKER_00
Like they re so all visibly related, it s kinda gross.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m like, why do you all look like each other in like the whole face?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, no, no, it is.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s weird.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if other people have that experience.
1
SPEAKER_01
No, no, no, it s weird.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s weird, like, a whole, a bunch of people who look together, who, a bunch of people who look like each other, living in the same house, is fucking weird.
1
SPEAKER_01
You re right.
1
SPEAKER_00
No, because it gets wilder, because I m like, like, the whitest white bread, and so is my, my adopted dad.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, this is my, you know, first adopted family.
1
SPEAKER_00
Um, my adopted mother, she s Dominican, like, and she looks it.
1
SPEAKER_00
Um, and my adopted little sister is black, like just the whole ass, like black.
1
SPEAKER_00
And it s just funny because, oh, my, my, um, biological sister, obviously she s white, but my niece is also black.
1
SPEAKER_00
So when we all go out together, not only is everybody really weird ages and there s like a child and a whole adult, but then there s like, you know, obviously parents, but we re all different colors.
1
SPEAKER_00
And we all, like, come from different backgrounds.
1
SPEAKER_00
And it s pretty funny.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s pretty funny.
1
SPEAKER_00
And you see people like looking at my mom and my dad and looking at me and my sister and trying to figure out who cheated on who.
1
SPEAKER_00
And it s like, nope, we re just all adopted.
1
SPEAKER_02
It s crazy.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if regular people get those reactions when they go out with their family, but ours looks different.
1
SPEAKER_00
So we get looks sometimes.
1
SPEAKER_01
How many adopted siblings do you have in total?
1
SPEAKER_00
Just the, just the, well, okay, so this is weird, because my niece is, like, obviously my niece, like, my sister s daughter.
1
SPEAKER_00
But I think she might be adopted under my name, too.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, the same name I have.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m pretty sure.
1
SPEAKER_00
So I don t know if she actually is technically... No, my sister still has custody, I don t know what I m talking about.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, so I have, I have, um, the two, and then my niece also has our family s last name now.
1
SPEAKER_01
Um... So, so how many is that?
1
SPEAKER_00
So just two sisters and a niece.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
But the niece like lives with us.
1
SPEAKER_00
So, you know, and my sister is like a whole ass adult.
1
SPEAKER_00
She kind of pisses me off sometimes, but she like, doesn t act like an adult and kind of lets my parents raise her daughter and stuff.
1
SPEAKER_00
Um, so like, that s kind of, I think why my niece feels like more like a sister than, than my niece, you know?
1
SPEAKER_00
Cause my parents kind of raised her.
1
SPEAKER_00
Hmm.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know, it s one of those fun situations, but she went to school and like got a counseling degree and stuff and graduated college.
1
SPEAKER_00
So that s really good for her.
1
SPEAKER_00
She s doing better now.
1
SPEAKER_01
What s your life dream, Olivia?
1
SPEAKER_01
What do you, what do you, what do you want to do?
1
SPEAKER_01
What do you want for the future?
1
SPEAKER_00
So I m in school right now.
1
SPEAKER_00
Um, I want to study, uh, well I want to continue to study horticulture and botany and I want to do urban planning farms.
1
SPEAKER_00
Um,
1
SPEAKER_00
like rooftop farms or in small spaces or like the kind of thing where people take lots and clear them out, like abandon lots and clear them out and make community gardens and stuff.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m all about like creative agriculture and symbiotic relationships between different like species and stuff.
1
SPEAKER_00
I want you to make a very, very realistic version of Rainforest Cafe.
1
SPEAKER_01
I think that would be the best possible application of your degree.
1
SPEAKER_00
The immersive experience.
1
SPEAKER_00
No, that s a great idea though.
1
SPEAKER_00
Cause like I said, my adopted family, they live in Hawaii these days.
1
SPEAKER_00
So when I do get to go visit them, that s like my favorite part is like just outside is like the kind of plants that like, you know, stateside, you d have to go somewhere really special to see plants like that.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know, like a, like a greenhouse or a botanical garden or, or.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like you know some kind of display like what you re talking about like in a fancy restaurant or whatever does rainforest cafe found count as fancy Is rainforest cafe fancy I mean I Mean like if you can afford to take kids there I feel like you re pretty set people people really only go there on very special occasions, so I would say that makes it fancy That s what I m thinking wait is
2
SPEAKER_02
Is that the place where like some locations they have like the people that do the diving like the cliff jumping indoors?
2
SPEAKER_00
No, you re thinking of Casa Bonita.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, you re thinking of Casa Bonita.
2
SPEAKER_02
That s the so you know that that s the South Park thing right?
2
SPEAKER_02
Yes about it.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, okay?
2
SPEAKER_02
What what I lived out in Denver We like went there on school trips like what that s it was it s cool.
2
SPEAKER_00
Is it cool.
2
SPEAKER_00
Was it way like that?
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh, you were talking place trying to describe to people like as an adult that this place existed in my childhood And I went there they all think I m fucking insane.
2
SPEAKER_02
They think I m lying.
2
SPEAKER_02
I m like no there s like a
2
SPEAKER_02
you know, a pirates thing and there was like a waterfall inside and all the food was Mexican food and people were like, what the fuck are you talking about?
2
SPEAKER_02
And I m like, there were games everywhere, games everywhere.
2
SPEAKER_02
And they re like, you re an insane person.
2
SPEAKER_02
Cause like out here they got like Chuck E. Cheese or some shit.
2
SPEAKER_00
Olivia, I gotta say, I, I, um, I was feeling sorry for you because, uh, as a child you went through foster care, but now that I know that you went to Casa Bonita as a kid, I don t, I don t feel bad for you anymore.
2
SPEAKER_02
No, you shouldn t.
2
SPEAKER_02
And that was that was before the foster care.
2
SPEAKER_02
You d actually be surprised sometimes as a foster child, though, you get to go on like field trips because people are like, oh, you sad little foster kid.
2
SPEAKER_02
Do you want to go to the beach today?
2
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_02
And then, you know, as a foster kid, you d be surprised how many people are just like, yeah, sure.
2
SPEAKER_02
This child I m responsible for just like take her for the day.
2
SPEAKER_02
That d be nice.
2
SPEAKER_02
I need a break.
2
SPEAKER_02
I need to sit down for a minute.
2
SPEAKER_02
And then I d be in a stranger s car, like going to the beach or going to Casa Bonita.
2
SPEAKER_02
That s fine.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m just I m just kidding by the way because I feel that people are gonna be like Lyle that was so mean Anyway, anyway, no no no anyway.
2
SPEAKER_02
No cuz you re completely right feel bad for kids that didn t get adopted feel bad for kids that didn t get to go to
2
SPEAKER_00
It s true the kids who did it s true.
2
SPEAKER_00
I like I you know I feel bad for I feel bad for every kid who had like two parents that stayed together That were that were in love with each other and they live in a weird Stupid house that and they look like their sister, and it s just that s just a weird kid with a weird fucking life You know they never went to any of the cool restaurants.
2
SPEAKER_00
They never got to go to Disney World.
2
SPEAKER_02
They just fucking No foster kid perks at all
2
SPEAKER_02
no foster good perks at all oh that s the thing um when you go through foster care if you re in it for a certain amount of time in most states if you and if you age out of the system um you get scholarship opportunities after you get out oh my god like higher education stipends and shit yeah so anyway if anyone s listening and they went through foster care please look up your benefits in your state because if you re in foster care for like three
2
SPEAKER_02
five more years, three to five or more years, you ve qualified for a lot of help from the government because they feel very bad about the childhood you had.
2
SPEAKER_00
You are going to make so many people listening to this wish that their parents were dead.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, well, listen, some people just wish that already.
2
SPEAKER_02
I ve heard some of these calls.
2
SPEAKER_02
It s a wild time.
2
SPEAKER_00
What s your name again?
2
SPEAKER_02
Olivia.
2
SPEAKER_00
Olivia, Olivia, um, Olivia, thanks for chatting.
2
SPEAKER_00
Call me Ben, I don t give a shit, call me whatever.
2
SPEAKER_00
Olivia, um, thanks for chatting with me about all this stuff.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m glad, I genuinely am, I m glad to hear that, um, things seem like they re going well for you.
2
SPEAKER_00
Um, you re probably not gonna go to jail for tax evasion, but don t quote me on that.
2
SPEAKER_00
Um, is there anything else that you want to say to the people of the computer or anything that you wanted to say that we didn t get to or final thoughts, feelings, sentiments, questions, comments, concerns before we go?
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_02
All right.
2
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_02
So.
2
SPEAKER_02
How many Skittles do you think that they make a year?
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s a great question.
2
SPEAKER_00
They must make at least.
2
SPEAKER_00
Holy shit.
2
SPEAKER_02
I m going to be such a dick right now.
2
SPEAKER_02
I don t have an answer prepared.
2
SPEAKER_02
I don t know what that number is.
2
SPEAKER_02
I don t know if it s as many as you think it is or more, but I d like to leave you with that burning question, man.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s gotta be, is it more or is it over or under a billion?
2
SPEAKER_02
I don t know.
2
SPEAKER_02
I haven t even looked it up.
2
SPEAKER_02
I literally just said that shit.
2
SPEAKER_02
Cause now you re going to wonder, and you have like the whole exit of this podcast to do so.
2
SPEAKER_02
I don t know.
2
SPEAKER_02
What are you going to do about that?
2
SPEAKER_02
Stop your podcast to look it up?
2
SPEAKER_00
Olivia, you ve taken us on a ride this evening.
2
SPEAKER_00
And for that, I greatly thank you.
2
SPEAKER_02
Hey, well, thank you for your podcast.
2
SPEAKER_02
It s awesome.
2
SPEAKER_02
Everybody fucking loves it.
2
SPEAKER_02
And you re great.
2
SPEAKER_02
I hope your tour goes well.
2
SPEAKER_00
Thanks, Olivia.
2
SPEAKER_00
Appreciate that.
2
SPEAKER_02
I might see you in Syracuse.
2
SPEAKER_02
That d be fun.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, please!
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh my god, I don t know who s gonna come in Syracuse.
2
SPEAKER_00
I think there s only about 15 people that live in that city.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I hope you do.
2
SPEAKER_02
You know the Shia LaBeouf song where at the end he is just the only person in the theater clapping like with an intensity?
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, that ll be you in Syracuse?
2
SPEAKER_02
That ll be me and the 15 people that live in Syracuse.
2
SPEAKER_02
Well, I greatly look forward to it.
2
SPEAKER_00
I greatly look forward to it.
2
SPEAKER_00
Alright, well thanks for calling, Olivia.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m gonna look- I m gonna Google that- I m gonna Google that fucking Skittles thing.
2
SPEAKER_00
Thank you, Olivia.
2
SPEAKER_00
Have a good night.
2
SPEAKER_02
Bye.
2
SPEAKER_00
Alright, we re looking it up.
2
SPEAKER_00
How many Skittles are...
2
SPEAKER_00
are made each day.
2
SPEAKER_00
Woah, alright.
2
SPEAKER_00
I was wondering if it was over or under a billion.
2
SPEAKER_00
According to Google, this comes straight from the mouth of Wrigley, they make 200 million Skittles every day.
2
SPEAKER_00
Which means 70 billion Skittles are produced every year.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s a piece of information that is of no use to me or anyone ever, but there s... Man, it s crazy, right?
2
SPEAKER_00
Because, um... It does make you think, right?
2
SPEAKER_00
Why is world hunger a thing when enough Skittles are made every year for everyone on Earth to have at least 10 Skittles?
2
SPEAKER_00
Crazy world we live in.
2
SPEAKER_00
Hey folks, this is Lyle.
2
SPEAKER_00
I am very excited to announce that I am going back on tour in 2024 to do Therapy Gecko Live all across the country.
2
SPEAKER_00
If you ve never been to one of my live shows before, they are extremely fun, unpredictable, wild evenings that involve a mix of group gecko therapy sessions as well as some material and presentations from myself.
2
SPEAKER_00
And if you ve been to the show before, I have new presentations and will, of course, be interviewing new people.
2
SPEAKER_00
If you re a fan of the podcast, you re gonna have a great time at the live show, so I hope to see you guys there.
2
SPEAKER_00
Go to therapygeckotour.com or check the link in the episode description for a full list of cities where tickets are available.
2
SPEAKER_00
Also, if you don t see your city on the list of cities, please still click the link and RSVP with your phone number so I can contact you when tickets go on sale for your city because I m going to announce a bunch more dates very soon.
2
SPEAKER_00
Geck bless.
2
SPEAKER_01
Hey, is this the gecko?
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, who is this?
2
SPEAKER_01
Hi, my name s Athena.
2
SPEAKER_00
Athena.
2
SPEAKER_00
Athena, what s up?
2
SPEAKER_00
How s life?
2
SPEAKER_00
How can I geck you today?
2
SPEAKER_01
Pretty good, man.
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t know if you saw the text I sent you, but we have a bit of a situation on our hands.
2
SPEAKER_00
Situate me, what s happening?
2
SPEAKER_01
Alright, this actually happened a couple years ago, but I haven t talked to anybody about it since and it s like eating me alive, okay?
2
SPEAKER_00
Go for it.
2
SPEAKER_01
So I m 19 now, right?
2
SPEAKER_01
This happened probably like four years ago.
2
SPEAKER_01
My parents got married again, and I have two stepbrothers, okay?
2
SPEAKER_01
One of them lives in South Carolina, and he visits occasionally, okay?
2
SPEAKER_01
And one time he was staying the night, and I think he caught me masturbating, which is insane.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I think our relationship has been strained ever since.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I need help trying to patch it.
2
SPEAKER_00
Is it that insane to masturbate?
2
SPEAKER_01
A little bit.
2
SPEAKER_01
I think the more insane part is, you know, it wasn t that bad, but in the morning after he like told me, hey,
2
SPEAKER_00
Saw you he said he told you what do you mean?
2
SPEAKER_01
Wait, so it was like he he walked in or he like Fucking I didn t know he was like, I didn t know he knew until the next morning So our rooms are like right across the hall from
3
SPEAKER_01
from each other.
3
SPEAKER_01
And he came up to me in the morning and he was like, Hey, I heard you.
3
SPEAKER_01
I saw you.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I went, Oh, okay.
3
SPEAKER_01
And that was probably the last thing I ve said to him in the last five years.
3
SPEAKER_00
All right.
3
SPEAKER_00
Let me get, can I give you my take?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, give me my thing.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay, this that s so that s so on him.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s so on him so on him because if you Catch your stepsister masturbating you don t fucking Tell her over breakfast the next morning.
3
SPEAKER_00
You just you just Keep it to yourself.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s on him Yeah, that s on him.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s not like a
3
SPEAKER_00
You don t, like, I don t think that s something you need to discuss, necessarily.
3
SPEAKER_00
You know?
3
SPEAKER_00
So, um... I m gonna say that s on him.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay, I think the main part that was really, like, eating me alive was the nonchalance I had in the morning.
3
SPEAKER_01
It was... I was terrified.
3
SPEAKER_01
But I played it off, and I think that s what really... Well, you didn t do anything wrong.
3
SPEAKER_00
It was him who was like, let s talk about this.
3
SPEAKER_00
You know?
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t think that needed to be talked about.
3
SPEAKER_01
For sure.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, when s the next time you re gonna when s the last time you saw him?
3
SPEAKER_01
Probably like a year ago Okay, we didn t we haven t talked at all.
3
SPEAKER_00
You didn t tell what was the situation where you guys met?
3
SPEAKER_01
Um, so he comes over occasionally for like Thanksgiving and like birthdays and stuff.
3
SPEAKER_01
He only really comes over like twice a year though and Every time he does he cannot look me in the eye.
3
SPEAKER_01
I
3
SPEAKER_00
So wait, so the conversation literally went, he said to you, I saw you masturbating.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like what did he, what were his words?
3
SPEAKER_01
He said, I saw you, I heard you.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I knew immediately what he was talking about because obviously he said, I saw you, I heard you last night.
3
SPEAKER_01
And so I was like, okay.
3
SPEAKER_01
Um, and I said, all right.
3
SPEAKER_01
And then we went our separate ways.
3
SPEAKER_01
I mean, like he was still like in the house that time.
3
SPEAKER_01
It was,
3
SPEAKER_01
We more like wouldn t look at each other or talk to each other because of how awkward it was.
3
SPEAKER_01
You know?
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay, let me ask you this question.
3
SPEAKER_00
Do you have any desire to have any form of relationship with this person?
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, no.
3
SPEAKER_01
Nope.
3
SPEAKER_01
No, thanks.
3
SPEAKER_00
Not romantic relationship.
3
SPEAKER_00
I just mean...
3
SPEAKER_00
No, I wasn t asking you you thought I was asking you if you wanted to have sex with your stepbrother.
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean like you want to Be have not a like just a relationship like do you want to fucking?
3
SPEAKER_00
right be a be familial I Think so.
3
SPEAKER_01
I mean He s interesting actually can I tell you a little bit about him?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, thank you he um He s so I m
3
SPEAKER_01
Latina.
3
SPEAKER_01
My dad is from Guatemala.
3
SPEAKER_01
My mom is from Mississippi.
3
SPEAKER_01
And he made a bunch of racist comments last year about the whole building the border, getting immigrants out of the country and stuff.
3
SPEAKER_01
He talked a lot about that and how he wanted to beat people that weren t white.
3
SPEAKER_01
And he said kind of the same stuff about people that were queer.
3
SPEAKER_01
So, I mean, I think our relationship before the whole incident happened was great.
3
SPEAKER_00
You have an interesting definition of interesting.
3
SPEAKER_01
Thanks, man.
3
SPEAKER_01
But I mean, I want our relationship to go back to how it was before, but I don t know if that s possible now.
3
SPEAKER_00
How would you describe it before?
3
SPEAKER_01
I think we were very casual.
3
SPEAKER_01
It was when he would come over, we would like play video games together.
3
SPEAKER_01
And he was a, he was a huge history buff.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_01
He was like failing all his other classes, but history was like the one thing.
3
SPEAKER_01
And so I d ask him very specific questions.
3
SPEAKER_01
We d sit in the basement and I d ask him like, you know, different questions about like different wars.
3
SPEAKER_00
And he sounds like he s, he sounds like he s interested in very particular periods of history.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, for sure.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yep.
3
SPEAKER_01
But I, I, that s definitely changed because now he s getting into like
3
SPEAKER_01
drugs and, and like tobacco and stuff.
3
SPEAKER_01
And so, you know, maybe I m like rafting onto the past, you know, trying to like, do you, do you like this guy?
3
SPEAKER_00
Not again, not in a sexual way.
3
SPEAKER_00
Do you like it as a human being?
3
SPEAKER_00
Do you want to be friends with him?
3
SPEAKER_01
It s been so long since we talked.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t know really who he is anymore.
3
SPEAKER_01
So I can t give like a yes or no.
3
SPEAKER_01
Because I haven t had like a proper conversation with him.
3
SPEAKER_00
Then why don t you fucking talk to him?
3
SPEAKER_01
It s awkward, man.
3
SPEAKER_01
Hey man, the anxiety is real, okay?
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t know what to tell you.
3
SPEAKER_00
What do you mean?
3
SPEAKER_00
Next time he s at dinner...
3
SPEAKER_00
It s very easy to have a conversation with someone without working in the fact that he saw you masturbating.
3
SPEAKER_00
You would actually, you would have to go out of your way to mention that.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, you re right.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_01
I think next time he comes down is probably 4th of July.
3
SPEAKER_01
I might.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_01
Thank you, man.
3
SPEAKER_00
It sounds like he s gonna be in a good mood on that day.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know why.
3
SPEAKER_01
Maybe.
3
SPEAKER_01
Maybe.
3
SPEAKER_01
We ll see.
3
SPEAKER_00
Alright.
3
SPEAKER_00
Is there anything else you want to say to the people at the computer before we go?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
Hey, man.
3
SPEAKER_01
I love your show.
3
SPEAKER_01
Everyone keep doing what you re doing.
3
SPEAKER_01
You guys are amazing.
3
SPEAKER_01
Been watching the chat.
3
SPEAKER_01
You guys are awesome.
3
SPEAKER_01
Thank you very much.
3
SPEAKER_00
God bless.
3
SPEAKER_00
Have a good night.
3
SPEAKER_01
You too.
3
SPEAKER_00
I once walked in on a...
3
SPEAKER_00
I was gonna tell a fake story, but I decided not to.
3
SPEAKER_00
Alright, let s move on.
3
SPEAKER_02
Hello?
3
SPEAKER_02
I m doing alright.
3
SPEAKER_02
Is this Jack?
3
SPEAKER_00
Zach what s up Zach?
3
SPEAKER_00
How can I get you today?
3
SPEAKER_00
How s life?
3
SPEAKER_02
Not much Lyle.
3
SPEAKER_02
I m just I ll give you the TLDR Please I m just out of a six-year relationship, and I m feeling really fucking lost man Why did it end?
3
SPEAKER_00
What happened?
3
SPEAKER_02
Basically She accused me of cheating on her for two years straight when it was completely false.
3
SPEAKER_00
Why did she think you were cheating on her?
3
SPEAKER_02
Um, we used to have, like, verbal arguments, and it was our agreement that we were gonna leave, uh, on a, like, a rotation, like, I would go for a walk, and then she would go for a walk, but what ended up happening is she s a bit more of a homebody, so I just said, fuck it, I ll go for walks, which turned into me just going over to my friend s house for a while.
3
SPEAKER_02
And my friend is a weed guy,
3
SPEAKER_02
So a bunch of people come over to his house all the time.
3
SPEAKER_02
Some of those pretty girls.
3
SPEAKER_02
And that s where it comes from.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_00
So she thought, okay, you weren t cheating on her though, right?
3
SPEAKER_02
No, a hundred percent.
3
SPEAKER_02
Not love it a bit.
3
SPEAKER_02
Still love it a bit.
3
SPEAKER_00
Um, okay.
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean, so are you, are you saying you still love her to bits?
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, man.
3
SPEAKER_02
Um, as I said, like we were together for six years and the last two years was just accusations and arguments.
3
SPEAKER_02
And, uh, yeah, that just caused me to move out.
3
SPEAKER_00
Two years, two full years of accusations and arguments.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_02
Like every second or third night, if we would have an argument and I would go out or even not even that, like, you know, there were occasions where we d be going out to get dinner and we d be walking home.
3
SPEAKER_02
And I d be like looking at my phone or something and she d point to a girl on the street and be like, were you looking at her?
3
SPEAKER_02
Just really like insecure, intense stuff like that.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
You don t want to be dealing with that.
3
SPEAKER_02
I really didn t.
3
SPEAKER_02
I really, and I did want to because I was, you know, four years into a relationship, love this woman to bits, but at the end of the day, like there s only so much I could put up with.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, all right.
3
SPEAKER_00
But yeah, man.
3
SPEAKER_00
No.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
What are you going to do now?
3
SPEAKER_02
Well, I m living in my place.
3
SPEAKER_02
I moved about 20 minutes away and I m living in my new place.
3
SPEAKER_02
And I m basically just like doing my shift at work every day.
3
SPEAKER_02
I do much like yourself.
3
SPEAKER_02
I do Twitch streaming.
3
SPEAKER_02
I m a much smaller streamer though.
3
SPEAKER_02
Um, and yeah, I m just doing that.
3
SPEAKER_02
And then as soon as I clock off from the stream, I m just lost.
3
SPEAKER_02
Like I just sit and stare at the screen.
3
SPEAKER_02
And I just can t, I m just sad dude, like it s been like three months and I just can t
4
SPEAKER_01
bring myself to do much.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
No, I, I m, I m sorry.
4
SPEAKER_00
I have no, I have no experience with, um, ending a Twitch stream and then staring at the ceiling feeling sad.
4
SPEAKER_00
So I really can t help you with that.
4
SPEAKER_01
Can t relate to that one.
4
SPEAKER_00
No, no, can t, can t, can t relate to that at all.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s, I ve never experienced that before in my whole life.
4
SPEAKER_00
So unfortunately I can t help you.
4
SPEAKER_00
Um, no, no problem.
4
SPEAKER_00
um oh god uh let s see yeah when that happens to me oh god i don t know i don t know what to do um i don t know man what do you what do you do when you re not streaming uh i m i do like sound engineering and stuff uh smoke smoke a bit of weed um catch up with my friends i ve been trying to lean into that
4
SPEAKER_01
But I went around to my friend s house recently and I just got like a little bit like annoyed with him and then immediately apologized because I was like, you know, I m just like in a bad spot.
4
SPEAKER_01
So like now I ve sort of shot myself in the foot because I got like a little bit annoyed at, you know, the friend s house that I go to.
4
SPEAKER_01
He s already over it.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s all good.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like I can go over there again, but I just don t trust myself I just feel like I m in such a bad spot that I m gonna miss miss talk and you know, just shit on one of my friends again Yeah How long have you been?
4
SPEAKER_01
Feeling like this pretty much like I don t know like two out of the three Months, we ve been split it up.
4
SPEAKER_00
Let s split it up split up What do you think would get you out of it?
4
SPEAKER_01
See, this is good, because these are the questions I don t ask myself.
4
SPEAKER_01
What would get me out of this?
4
SPEAKER_01
What would get me out of this?
4
SPEAKER_01
I guess I just got to lean into trying to enjoy, like, the normal things, like my normal routine that I used to have.
4
SPEAKER_00
What do you mean, used to have?
4
SPEAKER_00
Well, tell me about the normal routine that you used to have and then how it changed.
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, basically, I d wake up in the morning, go for a walk, do exercise, get my coffee, be really friendly to the people down the shops.
4
SPEAKER_01
You know, it s all gentrified.
4
SPEAKER_01
And so I m like, oh, hey.
4
SPEAKER_01
And, you know, then I d be all stoked from the small amount of interaction.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then I d hop on a stream, stream from like 10 a.m.
4
SPEAKER_01
to like 2 p.m., get off stream, work on music, work on mixes.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then just like, you know, night time comes around, smoke a little bit of weed and call my friends, see what they re up to, see if they want to hop on Discord.
4
SPEAKER_01
That s normally what I would do.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay, what do you do now?
4
SPEAKER_01
Finish stream, smoke weed straight away and just feel directionless and just procrastinate.
4
SPEAKER_01
Try and do things and fail.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay, I have a few thoughts, and by the way, I don t know, like, I mean, I don t know how much you ve listened to me talk, but like, I don t, I m also trying to figure out how to not, how to make life good, you know?
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, get those habits all healthy and positive.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah, so take it all with a grain of salt, but,
4
SPEAKER_00
I ve been thinking about this a lot because I ve been thinking like, oh, you know, if everything did, if all my dreams did come true, right?
4
SPEAKER_00
Like imagine like, like, like, like, like the perfect relationship, the perfect career, the perfect everything.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s still you to just, you know what I mean?
4
SPEAKER_00
Like no matter what is in front of you, you re gonna have to learn to be stoked about it, kind of, because- Absolutely, absolutely.
4
SPEAKER_00
Because if everything gets better, you re still gonna have to learn how to be stoked for the better things.
4
SPEAKER_00
Because if you never learn how to get stoked with what s in front of you, it doesn t matter what s in front of you.
4
SPEAKER_00
You know what I mean?
4
SPEAKER_01
Yep, it s true.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s like, if you can t be happy with what you ve got, then what you want is probably not going to happen because of that attitude.
4
SPEAKER_00
No, that s not what I mean at all.
4
SPEAKER_00
If you can t be happy with what s in front of you, then what you want isn t even going to make you happy.
4
SPEAKER_01
Ah, right, right, right.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, fair.
4
SPEAKER_00
So, um, I mean this morning, I mean, so look, go to your coffee shop.
4
SPEAKER_00
Really feel yourself there.
4
SPEAKER_00
Enjoy talking to the, to the lady who gives you the coffee.
4
SPEAKER_00
Uh, you know, enjoy being on your stream, enjoy talking to your friends, just like whatever you re doing, just enjoy it.
4
SPEAKER_00
I know that doesn t make any fucking sense, but like,
4
SPEAKER_00
You gotta learn to be stoked at whatever you re doing.
4
SPEAKER_01
No, you re right.
4
SPEAKER_01
You re right.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, you gotta lean into just being really grateful for what s in front of you.
4
SPEAKER_01
Because I m well aware that even though I m poor on the general scale of things, my life is way better than a lot of people s.
4
SPEAKER_01
And yeah, I need to remember that more often.
4
SPEAKER_00
Today s a Monday and I was at a coffee shop with my friend today at like 1 p.m.
4
SPEAKER_00
and him and I were we were just talking about like our life we just always get together and we talk about like our life goals and shit and then I first said we were both of us we were like dude we re sitting at a coffee shop
4
SPEAKER_00
at 1 p.m.
4
SPEAKER_00
on a Monday.
4
SPEAKER_00
People are working construction right now.
4
SPEAKER_00
People are typing in Excel spreadsheets and trying so hard not to kill themselves.
4
SPEAKER_00
And we re at a coffee shop on a Monday at 1 p.m.
4
SPEAKER_00
We re sitting here talking about how we re gonna make our lives better.
4
SPEAKER_00
Dude, this is it.
4
SPEAKER_00
We re here.
4
SPEAKER_00
We re in a coffee shop at 1pm on a Monday.
4
SPEAKER_00
We made it.
4
SPEAKER_00
This is life already, you know?
4
SPEAKER_00
What the fuck do we want?
4
SPEAKER_01
It s honestly just a great point to really lean into that gratitude.
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t know what you did or if you did anything before doing this as a job gek, but I ve had that exact experience of being locked in a corporate job and wanting to kill myself, being very depressed about it.
4
SPEAKER_01
So the fact that I have that experience and I m still having trouble getting that gratitude really aggravates me as someone who should be better than that.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, as someone who s in their mid-30s, it really bums me out now that you just said that, that I couldn t just make that direct parallel.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s kind of, I ll be honest man, it s kind of embarrassing to, like the older I get, the more I feel like I should have my shit down pat and not be as sad and be more in control.
4
SPEAKER_01
But I ve got to be honest, the only thing that can improve as I get older is not my emotions, they seem to get worse, but my coping and control mechanisms.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I just feel guilty that by this age I haven t developed them as well as some other people.
4
SPEAKER_01
How old are you?
4
SPEAKER_01
I m 36 man.
4
SPEAKER_00
I you know, what is like I m 26.
4
SPEAKER_00
I I Really like in my brain.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m like, I really hope I m not depressed when I m 36, but I know I m gonna be
4
SPEAKER_00
But I think my- I think my life s gonna be good.
4
SPEAKER_00
I think it s gonna be way better than it is now.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I think I m still gonna be depressed.
4
SPEAKER_00
I think it s just a weird- I think it s just a weird constant.
4
SPEAKER_00
I think you just accept it as like, this is just a constant of fucking life.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
You know?
4
SPEAKER_00
Like this idea, this idea you have that like everything s gonna be sick.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like, like eventually you re gonna get to a point where just everything s gonna be sick forever.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like I thought that when I was like 16, I thought when I was 16 I was like one day everything s gonna be sick.
4
SPEAKER_00
And like 10 years later, I m 26.
4
SPEAKER_00
Externally, everything s kind of sick, but you know, I m still getting depressed.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so 10 more years are going to pass, and we re just never going to get there.
4
SPEAKER_00
We re never going to reach fucking nirvana, you know?
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t even know what that looks like.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it s a carrot on the stick, I think, like hoping
4
SPEAKER_01
that you ll have less internal work to do.
4
SPEAKER_01
For me, something I said to myself the other day is, if I don t do the work, nothing s going to change.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I need to find a less harsh self-talk framing to speak to myself, but I still believe that.
4
SPEAKER_00
What s the work?
4
SPEAKER_01
just staying on like like all the stuff we ve been talking about how I like need to invest in gratitude I need to like
5
SPEAKER_02
be more understanding that I am lucky and I do have a good life.
5
SPEAKER_02
Like all that sort of work, just reinforcing those, those positive things that are real and are tangible and I need to pay attention to them.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, but it s a muscle.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s like trying to be grateful and blissed out and shit.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s a muscle because you can only really like... It s like doing planks.
5
SPEAKER_01
You know what I mean?
5
SPEAKER_01
You know how like... No, you know what I mean?
5
SPEAKER_02
Like you can... You talking about like the 2016 craze or whatever it was?
5
SPEAKER_02
No, I m not talking about that.
5
SPEAKER_01
I m talking about the exercise.
5
SPEAKER_01
Oh, okay.
5
SPEAKER_01
You know, people will like plank for like, you know, people will like try to plank for like a minute or whatever.
5
SPEAKER_01
And like you do it for 10 seconds and then you can do it for 20 seconds and then you can do it for 30 seconds.
5
SPEAKER_01
That s kind of like gratefulness is like you can get yourself to a point where you re like grateful and stoked for just the sun.
5
SPEAKER_01
Mmm, and you can get you can get yourself into that mindset for like a minute a day and then eventually Yeah, something s gonna piss you off or get you depressed.
5
SPEAKER_01
You re gonna get out of it.
5
SPEAKER_01
But the more You work the muscle the more you ll be able to stay in that Mindset, you know, it s like a muscle you gotta work.
5
SPEAKER_02
I m actually really yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
I
5
SPEAKER_02
I don t know why, dude, but what you just said really struck a chord with me.
5
SPEAKER_02
You ve got to use that muscle.
5
SPEAKER_02
You ve got to strengthen that muscle.
5
SPEAKER_02
I ve got a foot issue, and I m doing physio at the moment, and it just really relates to me, because the same concepts exist with healing your normal feet muscles, arm muscles, all that.
5
SPEAKER_02
You said take it with a grain of salt at the start of the call, but I think you did pretty well here, man.
5
SPEAKER_01
Well, I m trying I feel good.
5
SPEAKER_01
Well, here s the thing man.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s like I m just I m talking to you right now so I feel I feel good but like Tomorrow at like 4 p.m.
5
SPEAKER_01
I m gonna be anxious You know what?
5
SPEAKER_01
I ll do a tomorrow at 4 p.m.
5
SPEAKER_01
When I m anxious about something I ll just remember that I told you all this shit and then I ll try it myself.
5
SPEAKER_01
Oh
5
SPEAKER_02
Dude, I was just gonna try and say, dude, at 4 p.m.
5
SPEAKER_02
tomorrow, I m thinking about you.
5
SPEAKER_02
Stay strong.
5
SPEAKER_01
All right, thanks, man.
5
SPEAKER_01
I ll maybe think of you, too.
5
SPEAKER_02
Oh, look, you don t have to, buddy.
5
SPEAKER_02
No pressure.
5
SPEAKER_02
You speak to a lot of people every day.
5
SPEAKER_02
I m sorry.
5
SPEAKER_01
I felt that.
5
SPEAKER_01
I m sorry for being a dick.
5
SPEAKER_01
I only did it because I felt like you could take it, because I have respect for you.
5
SPEAKER_02
Hey, it was funny.
5
SPEAKER_02
It was funny.
5
SPEAKER_01
Sorry, I m sorry, Zach.
5
SPEAKER_01
You re a cool guy, man.
5
SPEAKER_01
Where in Australia are you?
5
SPEAKER_02
I m in Brisbane.
5
SPEAKER_02
You ve spoken to me twice.
5
SPEAKER_02
I have?
5
SPEAKER_02
You have, dude.
5
SPEAKER_02
I thought I d wait until the end of the call to tell you since you didn t recognize me.
5
SPEAKER_01
Oh, well, fucking... Alright, well... Did I speak with you in person?
5
SPEAKER_02
No, no, no, no.
5
SPEAKER_02
Just on the phone twice.
5
SPEAKER_02
Once before your Brisbane appearance, and then once after when I told you I missed you.
5
SPEAKER_01
Wait, so this is the third time I ve talked to you?
5
SPEAKER_02
This is the third.
5
SPEAKER_02
I just wrote yo, yo, yo, smiley face in chat.
5
SPEAKER_02
But yeah, this is the first time.
5
SPEAKER_01
Well, I m kicking you the fuck off the phone, Zach.
5
SPEAKER_01
Have a good rest of the night.
5
SPEAKER_02
Have a lovely night, Lyle.
5
SPEAKER_01
You too.
5
SPEAKER_01
Take care.
5
SPEAKER_01
Well, it s a good thing all Australians sound the same.
5
SPEAKER_00
Call from Heather.
5
SPEAKER_01
Hello.
5
SPEAKER_00
Hello.
5
SPEAKER_00
Hi.
5
SPEAKER_01
Hi.
5
SPEAKER_00
How are you?
5
SPEAKER_01
I m doing okay.
5
SPEAKER_01
How are you doing?
5
SPEAKER_01
What is your name?
5
SPEAKER_00
I m Heather.
5
SPEAKER_00
I am 23.
5
SPEAKER_00
So I m of legal age.
5
SPEAKER_00
I think I ve called you at least like a hundred times tonight.
5
SPEAKER_01
Have we, have we ever spoken before Heather?
5
SPEAKER_00
No, I used to religiously listen to your podcast at like two years ago.
5
SPEAKER_00
at one of my old jobs and I left that job and stopped and I just, it s my first time tuning in in a while.
5
SPEAKER_00
So it s an honor.
5
SPEAKER_01
Well, hell yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s an honor to talk to you too, Heather.
5
SPEAKER_00
So I feel like the last caller honestly touched on like some of the stuff that I want to talk about because earlier this year, it was like January 3rd.
5
SPEAKER_00
I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend of three and a half years.
5
SPEAKER_00
And then the next day I ended up losing my job.
5
SPEAKER_00
So I m getting back on my feet slowly but surely, but I m struggling with a lot of like loneliness and stuff.
5
SPEAKER_00
And like, you know, I live by myself.
5
SPEAKER_00
So it s like, I don t have a lot of friends.
5
SPEAKER_00
So it s kind of just, I don t know.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s been tough, but I don t know.
5
SPEAKER_00
I kind of just want advice about like, but I also feel like you gave that laugh collar advice.
5
SPEAKER_00
So I don t really know, but yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
Okay, well, so when did you break up with your boyfriend?
5
SPEAKER_01
January 3rd Why did it end what was the what was the impetus a lot?
5
SPEAKER_00
Um, so I think I wanted the relationship to end like Probably for the past year of it because it was really toxic and I didn t realize it at the time I started dating him when I was 19 and that was like my first relationship so
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it was, he also accused me of cheating when, you know, I m at work all the time and he ended up not working for most of the relationship, but he was still living with me at my house.
5
SPEAKER_00
So it was just a really like, I don t know.
5
SPEAKER_00
Um, I ve joked to my friends that I feel like I have PTSD from it.
5
SPEAKER_00
Um, because he ended up being a narcissist and I found out like afterwards and like talk to like one of his friends that was like, yo, he s talking shit about you.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, Oh, what s up?
5
SPEAKER_00
Like, what d he say?
5
SPEAKER_00
And come to find out he was definitely a narcissist and stuff like that.
5
SPEAKER_00
So I m like chill from that now, but it is definitely like, I think because I m not working full time, I m only working part time now.
5
SPEAKER_00
I am very much struggling with just being in my house by myself all the time.
5
SPEAKER_00
If that makes sense.
5
SPEAKER_01
Oh, that makes a lot of sense.
5
SPEAKER_01
Um, well, Heather, uh, what do you do for work?
5
SPEAKER_00
I work at Taco Bell right now.
5
SPEAKER_01
You work at Taco Bell?
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I just started like a month ago.
5
SPEAKER_01
Is that awesome or horrible?
5
SPEAKER_00
A little bit of both, honestly.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s so different.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m used to working shitty jobs anyway.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m sorry if I can... I think I concussed on here, I don t know.
5
SPEAKER_01
I m so sorry to interrupt you, but it s always funny when people ask me...
5
SPEAKER_01
I was just gonna say, I feel like if you ve heard the podcast, you know that you could say cunt tits or whatever you want, but go ahead.
5
SPEAKER_01
Go ahead.
5
SPEAKER_01
Sorry.
5
SPEAKER_00
No, you re good.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s been a while since I ve listened to a podcast.
5
SPEAKER_00
So like it just, yeah, I just, I don t know.
5
SPEAKER_00
I want to be polite.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s all right.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s all right.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s all right.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s all right.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s all right.
5
SPEAKER_00
Um, yeah, I ve worked a lot of shitty jobs.
5
SPEAKER_00
I worked at Sheetz.
5
SPEAKER_00
I worked at Duncan for two years.
5
SPEAKER_00
And then both of those places, I can like kind of walk around more and roam around and like get my stuff sent.
5
SPEAKER_00
But now at Taco Bell, it s like you re just, I m not claustrophobic, but it reminds me like, I m thankful I m not claustrophobic because if I was, I d be having a panic attack every single, every single day there.
5
SPEAKER_00
Cause it s just standing in one spot.
5
SPEAKER_00
And like, even if you have to walk somewhere, it s like 10 feet away.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like it s awful.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like, but it s not horrible.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s, I mean, I m making some money, so it s not horrible and I m grateful.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like, I m very grateful that I started there.
5
SPEAKER_00
But, um, yeah, it s just rough.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m trying to find a full time job cause it s, I need to pay my bills and everything.
5
SPEAKER_00
So, but yeah, I don t know.
5
SPEAKER_01
Do you have friends?
5
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_00
So I was going to say not really.
5
SPEAKER_00
Um, one of my friends from out of state is actually coming into town this weekend or this week, I guess my weekend.
5
SPEAKER_00
Um, so we re going to be hanging out this week and I m really excited about it, but I m not as excited as I thought I would be.
5
SPEAKER_00
which is making me really bummed right now.
5
SPEAKER_00
She s coming into town tomorrow and we re gonna go hang out and go out and drink and everything, but I m not as excited.
5
SPEAKER_00
I think after the relationship and after leaving my last job, I kind of do feel like numb to a lot of stuff.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I think it s because I don t have like a lot of structure from not working.
5
SPEAKER_00
Hopefully.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I guess so.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
I think having some kind of structure in your life is, is important.
5
SPEAKER_01
Hmm.
5
SPEAKER_01
If you could do anything, what would you do?
5
SPEAKER_00
I don t know, but I like plants.
5
SPEAKER_00
So I thought about doing that.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like last year I was really into like, I could start a plant business, stuff like that.
5
SPEAKER_00
But also I feel like that s not realistic for me at this point, at least either.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I ve really been struggling with the motivation kind of stuff.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like, I don t think I have the motivation or energy, at least right now, to do that.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like I said, I m trying to get back on my feet and everything from the past two months.
6
SPEAKER_01
So I don t know.
6
SPEAKER_01
I really don t know.
6
SPEAKER_01
I just, I just want to be financially financially stable and not have to worry about paying rent and bills and everything constantly.
6
SPEAKER_00
So, um, do you, uh, do you live in like a high cost of living place?
6
SPEAKER_01
Not really.
6
SPEAKER_01
My rent is eight 50 a month.
6
SPEAKER_01
I live in like,
6
SPEAKER_01
the, not really Northern Virginia, but like the cheaper part of Virginia, I guess.
6
SPEAKER_01
So it s not bad, but it s like, um, you know, I never went to school or anything.
6
SPEAKER_01
So like, I m definitely like, I m just doing like dead end jobs just to make ends meet.
6
SPEAKER_01
And I m cool with it for the most part, but it s like, you know, I m 23 and I haven t been a manager anywhere, but I feel like I have, like, I m ready to be a manager.
6
SPEAKER_01
I m ready to make more money.
6
SPEAKER_01
But, um, yeah, so.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I don t know.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s just it s nice to rant though.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s nice event.
6
SPEAKER_01
So I really appreciate it.
6
SPEAKER_01
But it is.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it s been a struggle for sure.
6
SPEAKER_00
So yeah, yeah, life s life is a little boring.
6
SPEAKER_00
No, I don t know.
6
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if that s true.
6
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if that s true.
6
SPEAKER_00
It can be boring, but I think it is well within one s agency to make it exciting.
6
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I always, I don t know.
6
SPEAKER_00
I get off on traveling around, running around, trying to fucking do stuff.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
I feel so useless right now because all I want to say to you is to go do stuff But I don t know what that means, but I sort of do Yeah, it s difficult when like, you know, like I get paid tomorrow.
6
SPEAKER_01
So like I m not too worried about money But same time I m like behind on a bunch of bills.
6
SPEAKER_01
That s like I You know the financial stability.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s just like I feel like I would be more powerful What bills are you behind?
6
SPEAKER_01
All of them
6
SPEAKER_01
rent rent okay you have to pay rent rent um my car loan and my car insurance um my phone bill is actually caught up but like my gas bill water bill probably electrical too that s all the ones i can think about but yeah so it s like but i feel like you know i ll i ll um like spend fifty dollars just to go like out for a night and it s nice it s fun i forget about like my worries for
6
SPEAKER_01
a day or two and then I m like, oh shit, like I kind of should have just paid for the money, but yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
Where do you go at?
6
SPEAKER_00
Where does it cost $50 to go out?
6
SPEAKER_00
You said you live in Virginia?
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
So we usually, there s good bars in West Virginia and it s like 30 minutes away from me.
6
SPEAKER_01
Um, and usually, usually if I go with friends, they end up paying for my drink.
6
SPEAKER_01
Um, but like to get in at $20 and then- Wait a minute.
6
SPEAKER_00
You told me you don t have any friends.
6
SPEAKER_00
That s a lie.
6
SPEAKER_00
You have friends.
6
SPEAKER_01
Barely okay friends.
6
SPEAKER_01
I haven t seen in like six months probably but it s still friends You don t you know don t you don t want to go around saying you have no friends you have friends Just not people I talk to you like that like I can really like openly talk to you That should make sense I hope it does but like you don t feel like you can open you don t feel like you can openly talk to your friends who like the ones that you went out for drinks with Well, we went out once Not really
6
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
So it s, I don t have like a steady group of friends.
6
SPEAKER_00
What would you want to openly talk to them about?
6
SPEAKER_01
Um, honestly, like not to say my depression, but like, cause I don t think I m actually depressed, but like, um, just, you know, like the, the struggles of like being like existing and stuff, I guess.
6
SPEAKER_01
And like trying to provide for yourself and being independent.
6
SPEAKER_01
Um, cause it really is a struggle and it s, I didn t realize.
6
SPEAKER_01
Like when I was 16, I was like, I m going to move out when I m 18.
6
SPEAKER_01
I m going to be like a baddie and independent and everything.
6
SPEAKER_01
And now that I m doing it, it s like, holy shit, this is really fucking hard.
6
SPEAKER_01
Like I m like, so.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah, it s just I don t know it s just crazy, but I m really honored like I said earlier I m really honored that like I got to talk to you though.
6
SPEAKER_00
Oh shit.
6
SPEAKER_00
Thanks, man I I feel Well, I hope it was a good experience for you.
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SPEAKER_00
I m so I almost feel like I had I I
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SPEAKER_00
I don t feel like I was able to provide much in this phone call, but it s very sweet of you to say that.
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SPEAKER_00
I hope that you figure out the secrets and the meaning of life, and if you do, report back.
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SPEAKER_00
I d love to hear it.
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SPEAKER_00
Is there anything else you want to say to the people at the computer before we go, Heather?
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SPEAKER_01
Uh, well, I m drawing a blank, but, um, just appreciate what you do.
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SPEAKER_01
And honestly, you made my week.
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SPEAKER_01
So, but like, you know, things do get better, like honestly, and it s, it s, you know, like when you re going through the rough spots, it s really hard to see that, but shit does get better.
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SPEAKER_01
So, you know, just keep, keep living it up kind of thing.
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SPEAKER_01
But thank you again.
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SPEAKER_00
Heather Geck bless, and I ll cut you around the universe, man.
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SPEAKER_00
Good luck out there.
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SPEAKER_00
Thanks for making tacos for those who need them.
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SPEAKER_01
Thank you.
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SPEAKER_01
Have a good night.
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SPEAKER_00
You too.
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SPEAKER_00
Take care, Heather.
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SPEAKER_01
Bye.
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SPEAKER_00
Hello folks.
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SPEAKER_00
It s Lyle here.
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SPEAKER_00
That s the end of this episode, but get this.
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SPEAKER_00
I m releasing a bonus episode this week.
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SPEAKER_00
That s right.
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SPEAKER_00
An entire extra hour of the podcast that you can listen to by becoming a premium member of Therapy Gecko over at therapygecko.supercast.com.
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SPEAKER_00
Supercast subscribers get access to bonus episodes, they get a completely ad-free podcast feed of the regular show, they get recordings from my live shows, members-only streams, and they help support my ability to continue doing this podcast.
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SPEAKER_00
So here s a clip from this week s members-only bonus episode.
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SPEAKER_00
I don t understand here.
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SPEAKER_00
So why are you still seeing this woman?
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SPEAKER_00
I guess, like, um...
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SPEAKER_00
I m kind of sad in a way of like, will I ever find someone like that again, you know?
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SPEAKER_00
Why?
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SPEAKER_00
Were you just very attracted to her?
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
All right.
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SPEAKER_00
That s it, right?
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SPEAKER_00
Yes.
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SPEAKER_00
That s so funny.
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SPEAKER_00
Because if someone s hot enough, you ll change religions for them.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah, of course.
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SPEAKER_00
I mean, I don t blame you for that at all.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
If someone s hot enough, if someone s hot enough and they tell you to kill your uncle, people have done that.
6
SPEAKER_00
If you wanna hear this full conversation, you can sign up to become a premium member at therapygecko.supercast.com or find the link in the episode description.
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SPEAKER_00
That s therapygecko.supercast.com.
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SPEAKER_00
All right, I have nothing else to say.
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SPEAKER_02
♪ Therapy Gecko s on the line ♪ ♪ Taking your phone calls every night ♪ ♪ Therapy Gecko s doing it right ♪ ♪ He s teaching you how to live your life ♪ ♪ But he s not really an expert ♪