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Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert.
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Bonus episode.
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SPEAKER_02
Fargo week.
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Fargo week, chapter two.
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Bonus episode, the one and only, the legendary Jon Hamm.
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Of course, Mad Men, The Town, Bridesmaids, Baby Driver, Legion, Losing the Sky, Top Gun Maverick.
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Oh my God, 30 Rock.
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30 Rock, Parks and Rec, Kimmy Schmidt,
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The morning show curb your enthusiasm Anyways, but we are here of course to talk to him a lot about Fargo, which we couldn t be more obsessed with Very fun interview very fun.
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Very special.
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So there s a scene.
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There s a scene in Fargo of Jon Hamm, okay, and This song plays
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It s so good, this scene with this song and that man.
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India.
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Huh?
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A little bit of a sitar sound.
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Did Linnea teach you about that?
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I don t know my friend s name, so I don t know.
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Do you remember this?
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You don t remember this?
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Yes.
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That s a Billie Eilish.
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No!
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Britney Spears.
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Classic Britney Spears.
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Toxic.
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It s a really cool version.
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It s such a good version and paired with what s going on in that scene.
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Oh my God.
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I had full body chills.
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Yes.
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The strings, the sitar.
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Jon Hamm is exceptional in this.
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He is.
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I think it s the best work of his life.
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It s really incredible.
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Please enjoy Jon Hamm.
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Welcome, folks.
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You have a coffee.
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Would you like me to bring you a new one to have on standby?
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Because we have this great Ember mug.
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It ll keep you warm.
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Not sponsored.
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SPEAKER_01
The Ember?
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Let me fill one up for you.
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Just have it for shits and giggies.
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Why not?
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When I was looking for my house, I was looking in Laughlin Park and couldn t really find anything.
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Yeah, they come by few and far between.
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SPEAKER_01
That s true.
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You wouldn t believe the story that ended up with her getting that one.
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So really quick, that one had like 15 bidders.
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Yeah.
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Then there was an auction.
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Then it went to a probate court.
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Then they were in literally in like a auction.
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L.A.
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City court.
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Whoa.
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At an auction for her to get that one and she won the auction.
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It was really exciting.
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Was it like literally a raise your hand to bid auction?
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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Tell them the secret weapon too.
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I brought Kristen.
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And, you know, she wasn t buying it, but that scared everyone.
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Everyone was intimidated.
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She was involved in that bidding, and they got a sense, like, oh, this bitch is gonna go.
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Well, they re like, oh, yeah, she ll just keep going and going.
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She s a very rich woman.
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Guys, this is amazing.
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It is insane that I m not a spokesperson for this company, because I m obsessed with it, and I end up coming up nonstop on the show.
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Because a lot of guests are genuinely like, why hasn t my coffee gotten cold?
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This is so lovely.
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And then I m forced to explain.
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Yeah, like I said, my therapist has one of those and I m constantly like distracted by it.
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When you re like, anyway, you know, my mom and this and that.
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SPEAKER_00
What s in there?
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How?
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How s that working?
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How does that work?
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Is it too cold?
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Does it almost feel like he s texting because it s high tech?
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It s like he s distracted by a device because it s got batteries.
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Is it a male therapist?
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SPEAKER_00
No, female.
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Nice.
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I wonder, do people gender up?
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It s probably the same therapist that a hundred percent of all of your friends go to because she s right in the neighborhood.
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Okay.
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I see people I recognize coming and going all the time.
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Oh, it s like an audition.
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Can you hear them inside doing the same role?
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My mom died when I was, that s mine.
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SPEAKER_01
Okay.
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So she s not yelling at that part.
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I was going to yell at that part.
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You shouldn t yell at that point.
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Have you had that moment where you re in an audition, where you re sitting in the lobby, and you hear someone in there, and they re virtually doing what all your decisions were, and you re like, fuck, I gotta flip this.
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Now I gotta completely turn it around.
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I gotta go the opposite direction.
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SPEAKER_00
I m doing it all in Spanish.
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SPEAKER_00
I had that once for Step Brothers.
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SPEAKER_00
Adam Scott and Riggle and me were all in the waiting room the same.
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SPEAKER_00
It was Will and Adam McKay.
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SPEAKER_00
I guess McKay was there?
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And I could hear Riggle going full Riggle in the room.
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I m literally like, he s gonna break through the wall.
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He s the Kool-Aid man.
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He s such a big choice guy.
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And I m like, I gotta go 180 from that.
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SPEAKER_00
I gotta whisper it.
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SPEAKER_00
I just whispered it and I did not get that part.
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SPEAKER_01
I too auditioned for that role, and I ll say it s among a handful of times where I didn t get something and then I was mad.
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SPEAKER_00
I haven t had very many of those though, have you?
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Where I didn t get it?
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Where you didn t get it and you were like, damn.
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A bunch of times I ve been like, eh, it s probably not gonna be that good a movie, and then it wasn t.
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That was one that was really good, I wish I was in it.
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Yes, again, so this is one of the cases where it s like Adam Scott got it, I didn t know Adam Scott all that well, I wasn t friends with him yet, now I think he s like the greatest humor.
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SPEAKER_00
Oh yeah, he s a sweetheart.
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Adam s one of the first people I met in LA.
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SPEAKER_00
Oh really?
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah, ages ago, because he s buddies with Rudd, they were in acting school together.
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Yeah, so he got that and I was resentful.
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And then I saw it and I was like, oh yeah, he s done it much better than I could.
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And he deserves it.
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The other one I ll bore you with is James McAvoy was already in Wanted, but then he fell out because of a scheduling thing.
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And then they started reading people.
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And then I got to the finish line.
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They were negotiating a deal for me to be in Wanted.
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This is going to be the biggest opportunity of my career.
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And then he became available again.
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And then so I was out.
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And at that moment, I didn t know who James McAvoy was.
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Not a lot of people did.
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No, and then about four months later, I go and see Last King of Scotland, and I am having a transcendent experience watching this guy act, like I was with Ewan McGregor in Trainspotter, to the point where I tell my girlfriend, I gotta fucking write this guy s name down when the credits come up.
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I gotta see everything he s done.
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And it comes up, and it s this guy who I was hating, and I m like,
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God bless, I would never hire me over this guy.
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SPEAKER_00
I remember that movie coming out, I was seeing ads for it on the NFL or something, and I m like, are we supposed to know who anybody in this other than Angelina Jolie is?
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SPEAKER_00
It was pitched as like, this is the next thing, and this guy s amazing, and it was directed by Timur Tabankbuklan.
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And you re like, okay, I don t know who this is, but I m being sold as it is somebody I should know.
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I was tracking it, of course, because it was the thing that got away that I was convinced would catapult me.
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Can you imagine you and Wanted?
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At the time, I could, but now, no, looking back, it seems preposterous.
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I can t imagine.
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SPEAKER_01
I couldn t tell you what that movie s about.
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SPEAKER_01
All I know is bullets, bullets could turn.
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SPEAKER_00
Bullets go sideways, yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
You know what else had that setup?
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SPEAKER_00
Maybe I m wrong, and maybe I m misremembering this, but it was a movie from the 80s starring Gene Simmons from Kiss, and maybe Mick Jagger?
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SPEAKER_00
I remember it, too.
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SPEAKER_00
And there was some kind of thing where the bullets could turn around.
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SPEAKER_01
Also, maybe Gene Simmons had little spider robots.
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SPEAKER_00
Yes, spider robots.
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What was that movie?
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If only we had a device that could tell us every single movie.
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An unanticipated aspect of this that we could completely geek out on forever is probably we ve seen all those same insane movies of the early ages, like Bronx Warriors and all those gang movies.
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SPEAKER_00
100% because of Blockbuster and early cable.
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SPEAKER_01
On TV, did you guys have On and St.
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SPEAKER_00
Louis?
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SPEAKER_00
On TV, yeah, for sure.
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SPEAKER_00
I don t know if we had it there, but I definitely had it somewhere in my life.
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And there was It.
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SPEAKER_00
It, the movie?
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SPEAKER_01
No, there was On TV and then there was It.
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SPEAKER_00
I m old enough to remember Channel Z from here.
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SPEAKER_00
Oh, and how did that work?
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SPEAKER_00
That was like a set-top box with buttons.
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SPEAKER_00
Manual, analog buttons.
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SPEAKER_00
Yes, yes, toggle switches.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah, and you could go to Channel Z, which was essentially somewhere between like a public access and a HBO kind of double duty.
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SPEAKER_00
From what I remember, again, I was probably 10 or 11 when I came out here, and I was like, Channel Z?
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SPEAKER_01
Wait, how did you come out here at 10?
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah, that early?
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My mother s baby sister, my Aunt Sue, had moved out here in the retail world.
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She worked for a company called J.W.
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Robinson s, which was an old department store out here.
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SPEAKER_00
So she lived, literally, three s company in Brentwood, in a swingin  singles apartment complex, and my mom, who was also single.
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SPEAKER_01
Oh, like one of the ones on San Vicente?
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah, right in there, yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
Where d Rob go?
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SPEAKER_01
Oh, he s fuckin  plovin  out over?
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah, not too, yeah, hello.
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SPEAKER_02
Where is he?
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SPEAKER_00
He s like up our ass with a rubber knot.
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SPEAKER_00
Not too far away from the Nicole Simpson house.
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SPEAKER_00
This would have been, because my mom was still alive, so I would have been like nine.
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SPEAKER_00
It would have been like 1980.
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SPEAKER_00
Were you completely blown away and enamored with this setting?
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SPEAKER_00
I thought it was the coolest place I d ever seen in my life.
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SPEAKER_00
I remember they took me to Westwood.
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And there was a, I don t even, I think they still have this store somewhere, but a store called Fiorucci.
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And it was like a punk, neon, new wave clothing store.
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And I was like, whoa, I can t.
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SPEAKER_01
First of all, everything was so expensive.
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SPEAKER_01
That shirt cost $12, like there s no way.
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SPEAKER_01
And it was like a thing with like Max Headroom on it.
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SPEAKER_01
Everything was made of plastic and polymer.
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SPEAKER_01
And literally the neon glasses, everybody was an extra in a Go-Go s video.
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SPEAKER_01
I was just like, are you kidding me?
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This place exists, this is real.
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SPEAKER_01
And then the warehouse was the other place that I thought was super cool.
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SPEAKER_00
Also clothing, but they were playing techno-y music and new wave.
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SPEAKER_01
And it was like in a movie.
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SPEAKER_01
Sarah Jessica Parker would have worked there in square pegs or something.
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SPEAKER_00
Do we share a love for Valley Girl, Nick Cage?
1
100%.
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SPEAKER_00
Baby doll.
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SPEAKER_00
Movie kind of holds up.
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SPEAKER_00
Uh-huh.
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SPEAKER_00
What about that soundtrack?
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SPEAKER_00
Unreal.
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SPEAKER_01
That to me was like the gateway to all my new wave love.
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SPEAKER_01
There s some deep little Easter egg in there.
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SPEAKER_01
Oh!
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SPEAKER_01
Katie Seagal from Married with Children is in that movie, but only her name.
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SPEAKER_01
They go to some rock and roll club, like Boardners or somewhere, and it s like next Thursday, Katie Seagal.
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SPEAKER_01
She s like a music act.
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SPEAKER_01
Oh, no kidding.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
I remember seeing that recently.
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SPEAKER_01
My wife had never seen that movie or something, and we watched it and I was like, go back.
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SPEAKER_01
It was in passing, like quickly.
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SPEAKER_01
Obviously.
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SPEAKER_01
She had like a rock and roll past.
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SPEAKER_01
Oh my God.
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SPEAKER_01
That s so cool.
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SPEAKER_01
She s the coolest.
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SPEAKER_01
Have you met her in real life?
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SPEAKER_01
I ve met her in passing when her husband, maybe they re still married.
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SPEAKER_01
I m not sure.
1
SPEAKER_01
Kurt Sutter.
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SPEAKER_01
Yep.
1
SPEAKER_01
When Sons of Anarchy was winning a lot of awards or going to award shows, that was around the same time I was going to award shows.
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SPEAKER_01
So I got to meet her and she could not have been nicer.
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SPEAKER_01
Oh, she s about as cool as they come.
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SPEAKER_01
totally tracks because if she was doing that in the 80s, you re like, you re probably pretty cool.
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SPEAKER_00
Yes, but I guess growing up seeing her as Peg Bundy, it s such an archetype character cartoon to meet the real woman.
1
SPEAKER_00
And yeah, you get the sense she was like a new wave chick.
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SPEAKER_01
I never got married with children.
1
SPEAKER_01
It was always a bit of an eye roll for me because I was in the wrong.
1
SPEAKER_01
era and age.
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SPEAKER_01
And you kind of watch back, you know, oh, they were kind of doing a thing that I just didn t get.
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SPEAKER_01
They were taking a big swing and they were winking just as much.
1
SPEAKER_01
And those people were all amazing.
1
SPEAKER_01
I just saw Christina because she was at the Emmys.
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SPEAKER_01
It was really cool and amazing.
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SPEAKER_01
And you go, wow, yeah, you ve been working since you were a baby, a literal baby.
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SPEAKER_00
Since we were children.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
Crazy.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, you re right.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think because the narrative of that show at the time was being positioned as Fox is being overly provocative to make a name for itself as a network, so then you heard that before you saw it, and it tainted the well a bit.
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SPEAKER_00
But yes, actually, it s a great satire.
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SPEAKER_00
The audience, whoo!
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SPEAKER_00
You know, you re like...
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SPEAKER_01
And then you go back and you go, it s kind of the same thing that all in the family was doing with the toilet flushing.
1
SPEAKER_01
It was just a different time.
1
SPEAKER_00
A thousand percent.
1
SPEAKER_00
And they re in on every joke.
1
SPEAKER_00
Totally.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
I want to just go back to, cause this is one of the only times this has happened to me and it s remains one of the great curiosities of my life.
1
SPEAKER_00
So I met you by way of Kimmel in real life.
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SPEAKER_00
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I introduced myself to you.
1
SPEAKER_03
Where was this a party?
1
SPEAKER_03
We need deets.
1
SPEAKER_00
I want to say it was like at a football watching.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I think it was at his house.
1
SPEAKER_00
But it also could have been at one of these night before parties.
1
SPEAKER_00
Cause I also remember hanging out with you and Polar and Tina.
1
SPEAKER_00
But the point is, is when I introduced myself to you, you said, yeah, we ve already met.
1
SPEAKER_00
We met at Kimmel s this other time.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I was like,
1
SPEAKER_00
That s truly not possible, because I m an enormous fan, and I know for sure I d remember meeting you, and simply didn t believe it.
1
SPEAKER_00
But in your defense, you had such details that seemed highly plausible that that was a conversation we would have had.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s always been this enormous mystery to me, because A, I kind of have a good memory, and B, I was just enamored with you at the time.
1
SPEAKER_01
I will say this about that.
1
SPEAKER_01
You re not the only person who has met me before Mad Men and did not know.
1
SPEAKER_01
It didn t compute that you met.
1
SPEAKER_00
Even your story, though, was post-Mad Men.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay, then that s on you.
1
SPEAKER_00
It is on me, but I don t understand it.
1
SPEAKER_00
Have you had that experience yourself, where you re like, well, there s no way I would ve forgot?
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, for sure.
1
SPEAKER_00
You have, okay.
1
SPEAKER_01
I ve definitely had that thing of, I ve had full-on deep conversations with people, and then come back and been like, oh my God, it s so nice to meet you, and they re like, we talked it out.
1
SPEAKER_01
Some of that can be chalked up to being drunk, but to some extent.
1
SPEAKER_01
Sure, some of that isn t a lot of it is more and you must have a version of this and maybe this is a representation of that but when you re going through our existence at a certain level of fame you meet so many people it s Overload and you re kind of on autopilot and you re not taking it in in a truly present way.
1
SPEAKER_01
You re just kind of oh
1
SPEAKER_01
lip servicing it.
1
SPEAKER_00
I ve never thought of this until you were just describing it, but I think the closest analogy for me is like playing slots at a casino.
1
SPEAKER_00
You might go through like 40 different machines.
1
SPEAKER_00
You ll never remember one of them.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s just like ding, ding, ding, ding.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, Johnny, ding, ding, ding, Tina Fey.
1
SPEAKER_01
Or a politician that s just going down the line.
1
SPEAKER_01
Hey, there you are.
1
SPEAKER_01
Look at you.
1
SPEAKER_01
How about that?
1
SPEAKER_01
Hey, all right.
1
SPEAKER_01
Good job.
1
SPEAKER_01
And you meet these people and you go, man, what a weird life.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then you kind of look in retrospect and you go, we live a pretty weird life too.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I ll chalk some of it up too as like deep insecurity.
1
SPEAKER_00
For sure.
1
SPEAKER_00
Fake it till you make it.
1
SPEAKER_00
This is all on my end.
1
SPEAKER_00
Act like it s normal for you.
1
SPEAKER_00
Act not that blown away.
1
SPEAKER_00
Don t expose yourself as not belonging at this party.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like a lot of mine is, I know rooted in just deep insecurity that I don t belong there.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think too, if you experience all of it, there s not enough hours in the day really.
1
SPEAKER_01
You would never make it past the door of a party.
1
SPEAKER_01
You just go like, too much, gotta go, peace out.
1
SPEAKER_01
There s a certain part of it that s very self-protecting.
1
SPEAKER_01
You have to put some kind of armor up so you can make your way through the party.
1
SPEAKER_01
I remember one of my first times I went to the Golden Globes, I was not famous, I was there on like a,
1
SPEAKER_01
sponsorship exemption guest of a guest of a thing.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I just remember thinking like everybody in here is super duper famous.
1
SPEAKER_01
How do they navigate it?
1
SPEAKER_01
I was literally an observer around that same time I had gotten to go to the night before the Academy Awards party.
1
SPEAKER_00
And again, auditioning for pilot season.
1
SPEAKER_00
All you ve got going for you is you re tall and handsome at this point.
1
SPEAKER_01
Kind of it, and I somehow got a golden ticket to get into this party, and I knew that the gift bag would be awesome.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
You were getting a new HTC cell phone for sure.
1
SPEAKER_01
For sure.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I remember somebody going, excuse me, to get through a crowd.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I went, oh sure, excuse me.
1
SPEAKER_01
They came up behind me and it was Harrison Ford.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God.
1
SPEAKER_01
Saying excuse me.
1
SPEAKER_01
And as I stepped out of his way, I stepped on somebody s foot.
1
SPEAKER_01
I was like, oh my God, I m so sorry.
1
SPEAKER_01
And it was Tom Hanks.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh wow.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I spun around and I was like, oh my God, I m so sorry.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I backed into somebody and it was Denzel Washington.
1
SPEAKER_01
You were a pinball in the 80s.
1
SPEAKER_01
I was like, oh my God, I m ruining Hollywood.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, I m so sorry.
1
SPEAKER_00
Up and comer.
1
SPEAKER_01
Jim Hamm takes out three left to get your name But yeah part of that is just it s bonkers like our life is bonkers I was just recently or not so recently last September October back home at my high school and my high school is
1
SPEAKER_01
has a crazy weird pedigree.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s in a tiny high school in St.
1
SPEAKER_01
Louis, but I went there.
1
SPEAKER_01
I taught there.
1
SPEAKER_01
I taught Ellie Kemper there.
1
SPEAKER_01
You know that story?
1
SPEAKER_01
No, but when she was in eighth grade, he was teaching her acting.
1
SPEAKER_01
Her sister was in eighth grade, but yeah, she was 15 and she was awesome.
1
SPEAKER_01
I was like, wow, you re really good.
1
SPEAKER_01
You re super committed to this.
1
SPEAKER_01
And your girlfriend while you were there also was an actor.
1
SPEAKER_01
Sarah Clark did 24 Forever and yada, yada, yada.
1
SPEAKER_01
Heather Goldenhurst was there.
1
SPEAKER_01
No.
1
SPEAKER_03
By chance?
1
SPEAKER_03
I think she went to school with Ellie, so she must have been there.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh.
1
SPEAKER_01
Entirely possible.
1
SPEAKER_01
She might have gone to NYU or Princeton or wherever Ellie went, though.
1
SPEAKER_01
Could have been college.
1
SPEAKER_01
This is Jon Burrows.
1
SPEAKER_01
Also, Jon Burrows.
1
SPEAKER_01
Sam Altman, who created OpenAI and ChatGPT.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh my goodness.
1
SPEAKER_02
Wow.
1
SPEAKER_01
This is all to say that we had a hundred year anniversary of this school.
1
SPEAKER_01
It was founded in 1923, this was last year, and I went there, and after the big celebration, which I co-hosted with Ellie, there were probably 2,000 people there, and I probably took a selfie with every single one of them, to the point where I went to my good friend s house, his mom and dad s, his brothers were there, we were making pizzas at night, it was hilarious, drinking beers around the fireplace.
1
SPEAKER_01
They go, what was that?
1
SPEAKER_01
That was crazy, just constant, like these people know you, like these are half the people we went to high school with, and they re all just banana.
1
SPEAKER_01
I go, yeah, it s crazy.
1
SPEAKER_01
You get on that little screen and people go nuts for it.
1
SPEAKER_03
When you were at the Golden Globes, did you feel like, I belong here?
1
SPEAKER_03
I ll be here one day on my own right?
1
SPEAKER_01
Absolutely not.
1
SPEAKER_01
I knew that it would be great if that would happen, but I certainly had no sense of anything that was inevitable.
1
SPEAKER_01
It was like, be cool one day to sit in that table.
1
SPEAKER_01
Not to mention win two of them and all the other attendant weirdness.
1
SPEAKER_01
I was just there again this last go round, because I got nominated for Fargo.
1
SPEAKER_01
And it was like, whoa, I forgot about this.
1
SPEAKER_01
Like, this is so crazy.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I was sitting at a table with Todd Glass and Jim Gaffigan and Sudeikis and some of the Ted Lasso folks.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, wow, this is crazy.
1
SPEAKER_00
I forgot.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, you rediscover it.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s so compartmentalized and it s such a heightened experience that it just kind of lives in some bizarre space in your brain.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay, I have done so much assuming about you over the years.
1
SPEAKER_00
without any real reason.
1
SPEAKER_00
But from the second I met you, I felt like, oh, I think... The first time or the second time?
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, according to you, the second time.
1
SPEAKER_00
According to me, the first time.
1
SPEAKER_00
There s been so many things I ve just kind of maybe projected onto you.
1
SPEAKER_00
But as I was learning about you as a human, your story leading up to all this,
1
SPEAKER_00
Some of them were falling into place nicely.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, oh, I think my hunch was a little bit correct.
1
SPEAKER_00
The overarching thing I think that I ve always felt from you in our minimal interactions is I think we have a similar attachment to masculinity based on where we grew up.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I think not having a dad around in those formative years.
1
SPEAKER_00
Now, I didn t know that there wasn t a dad around in the formative years.
1
SPEAKER_00
There was one.
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, it depends on how you define formative.
1
SPEAKER_00
I guess you re living with your mom just like I was.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like my parents got divorced at three, yours at two.
1
SPEAKER_00
There s not a man in my life
2
SPEAKER_00
pet me on the back as I go to school, or coming home from school, and then I tell him, oh, this guy pushed me.
2
SPEAKER_00
Did your mom date guys while you were?
2
SPEAKER_00
Horrendous.
2
SPEAKER_00
One was an ex-baseball player.
2
SPEAKER_00
The other was a 6 3 triathlete.
2
SPEAKER_00
They were all alpha.
2
SPEAKER_00
They were fucking abusive and terrible, and I hate men, and I hate male energy, and I m gonna fight everyone, and I won t be dominated.
2
SPEAKER_00
And, you know, yeah, so much fucking baggage.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then also trying to define myself as a male among boys and looking to them
2
SPEAKER_00
and just doing whatever they said worked.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I don t know why, but I think from the second I have met you, and it s unfair to have projected that much on you, but I just feel like we shared this similar thing.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then, really quick, just to fast forward, to find out that we both were here eating shit for so long, I also think cemented me in some weird way that I m still recovering.
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, it is weird, and part of it is,
2
SPEAKER_01
There was just a funny sketch from that Jacob Elordi kid on SNL.
2
SPEAKER_01
He did a sketch where he was coming back to talk to an acting class and they re like, so what do you do about auditions?
2
SPEAKER_01
And what s it like?
2
SPEAKER_01
He s like, what s an audition?
2
SPEAKER_01
Like, well, I just landed in LA and Selena Gomez saw me and wanted me to put in her video.
2
SPEAKER_01
You keep saying these words, I just don t know what they mean, so sorry.
2
SPEAKER_01
And it s funny, because yeah, sure, there is a version of that.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I remember there s so many audition stories, obviously, but one in particular was for a show, I think it was called like Reign, R-E-I-G-N.
2
SPEAKER_01
And it was on Fox, I want to say, and it was a little bit like swords and swashbuckling.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I m like, my God, this is so nuts.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I went way far down the line.
2
SPEAKER_01
I might be the star of Reign.
2
SPEAKER_01
This is so cool.
2
SPEAKER_00
Let s go.
2
SPEAKER_01
And it turned out a very unknown young up and coming actor named Heath Ledger.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God.
2
SPEAKER_01
And he was right off the boat from Australia.
2
SPEAKER_01
He was super young and handsome, but he got it.
2
SPEAKER_01
Whatever.
2
SPEAKER_01
Good for him.
2
SPEAKER_01
And that was one of those crazy things.
2
SPEAKER_01
But so many times passing through other people s orbits, like you said, you kind of go, Oh yeah, he probably should have gotten that part.
2
SPEAKER_01
It turns out he was pretty fucking good.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
It turns out he was kind of a once in a generation.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
And we all know the end of that story, which is sad and awful in its own way, but it was crazy and going through all of that.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I got so close.
2
SPEAKER_01
The people that I lost out to, Jon Favreau got a job.
2
SPEAKER_01
Which one?
2
SPEAKER_01
not Armageddon, the other one, Deep Impact.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I still, to this day, look at him and go, you know, you beat me out for an acting role.
2
SPEAKER_01
And he s like, yeah, I know.
2
SPEAKER_01
And even with Mad Men, it took forever for them to give me
2
SPEAKER_01
the part.
2
SPEAKER_00
Nobody wanted it except for one guy and me.
2
SPEAKER_00
Learning that today, I was wondering, do you think you benefited from the fact that you really didn t believe you had a shot?
2
SPEAKER_00
You re like, this is definitely going to go to a known name.
2
SPEAKER_00
And do you think that ended up being helpful?
2
SPEAKER_01
I can t say that it was a better experience or worse other than I made it here somehow.
2
SPEAKER_01
So did you.
2
SPEAKER_01
Eventually we got
2
SPEAKER_01
picked.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
And thank God because I knew it for a fact that I did not want to be a 40 year old.
2
SPEAKER_01
At that point I didn t want to be a 30 year old.
2
SPEAKER_01
That was my cutoff.
2
SPEAKER_01
I was like five years is enough time to figure out the marketplace.
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t want to be in my 30s waiting tables bartending which I was doing up until I was 29 basically.
2
SPEAKER_00
I got here in 95.
2
SPEAKER_00
I was here for nine years and didn t get my first role until I was 28 turning 29, like right before my 29th birthday.
2
SPEAKER_00
And similarly, I went to a good college.
2
SPEAKER_00
I did great at that college.
2
SPEAKER_00
People I knew were buying speedboats and cabins and shit.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, when do we throw in the towel?
2
SPEAKER_00
When do we stop being delusional?
2
SPEAKER_00
When has the market spoken?
2
SPEAKER_00
Yes, when are you gonna accept reality as it is presenting itself to you?
2
SPEAKER_00
And I found that incredibly demoralizing and hard.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s an eternity because, again, think about the fraction of your life.
2
SPEAKER_00
Sure, five years might not sound like a lot now, but at 25, that s a fifth of your life that you ve experienced being an abject failure.
2
SPEAKER_00
I dealt with that by
2
SPEAKER_00
being hammered all the time, and trying to get approval from ladies as much as humanly possible.
2
SPEAKER_01
Those are two tried and true, and they work so well.
2
SPEAKER_01
They work for a while.
2
SPEAKER_01
They really work for a while.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, part of it, I think, too, was, and I tell this to any of the kids that come out, because I m sort of de facto, especially from my high school, but also from college.
2
SPEAKER_01
Anybody that comes out here, I generally get an email or something.
2
SPEAKER_01
Hey, can you talk to this kid or sit down with this guy or girl or whatever and tell them the ropes?
2
SPEAKER_01
I m always like, there s no ropes.
2
SPEAKER_01
You know, it s just like, come out and good luck.
2
SPEAKER_01
I tell people to buy a dependable car.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, buy a car that works and get a job.
2
SPEAKER_01
Those two things.
2
SPEAKER_01
And this is all to say that for me, bartending and working in restaurants, you re surrounded by fellow travelers.
2
SPEAKER_01
Everybody s kind of got an audition or a music gig or an improv show or something.
2
SPEAKER_01
And so you re at least surrounded by people that are trying to do it and who get it a little bit.
2
SPEAKER_01
Then there s always the older guy, you know, it s like party down, look at party down and you go, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
there but for the grace of God.
2
SPEAKER_01
Every restaurant has the kind of Ken Marino guy in that show who s been at it for too long.
2
SPEAKER_01
Dyeing the hair and anything to still hold on to that youth that is gone.
2
SPEAKER_00
Did it nurture in you any, like I can give you an example of this terrible quality I developed, which is I was so jealous of everybody that was making it that I became like an uber critic of everyone.
2
SPEAKER_00
I was the worst guy, if you were hammered with me and started talking about these people that ultimately I idolized.
2
SPEAKER_00
For sure.
2
SPEAKER_00
Vince Vaughn, this guy, you know this about shit I don t even know.
2
SPEAKER_00
Spreading rumors about this guy because I m so jealous.
2
SPEAKER_01
Obviously all that comes from being jealous and fear of your own thing.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s why the booze is a part of it.
2
SPEAKER_01
You don t know what you want until you see someone else get it.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then you go, I want that.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then if you happen to get it, you re like, I didn t really want this at all.
2
SPEAKER_01
I wanted my version of this.
2
SPEAKER_01
And it s not directly defined by anybody other than me.
2
SPEAKER_01
So yes, of course, my entree into this world was Paul Rudd.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I knew him from back in the Midwest.
2
SPEAKER_01
He went to KU and my girlfriend s older brother was his classmate at KU in 1988.
2
SPEAKER_01
Right when I got out here in 94, 95, around then,
2
SPEAKER_01
He was just going off to do Romeo and Juliet or something.
2
SPEAKER_01
He had already cluelessed and he had already done the whole thing.
2
SPEAKER_01
We re like, whoa, this guy s made it, man.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_01
I wasn t jealous of him because he was a friend and it was like, yeah, we re rooting for him.
2
SPEAKER_01
But it was kind of like, what s the secret sauce?
2
SPEAKER_00
Also a bad comp.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_00
Because let s also acknowledge Paul Rudd is a unicorn.
2
SPEAKER_01
He is an eternally youthful human that hasn t aged in 40 years.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I came out here and looked like I was 35 when I was 23.
2
SPEAKER_01
So I came out here and it was like Dawson s Creek.
2
SPEAKER_01
They re like, you could play the dad.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m like, I m 26 years old.
2
SPEAKER_01
What do you mean?
2
SPEAKER_01
And I m auditioning next to Harry Hamlin.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m like, what?
2
SPEAKER_01
How is this working?
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it was really cool when you could buy beer at 18, but it got real uncool probably as soon as you got to Hollywood.
2
SPEAKER_01
But then your look catches up to your age and somehow it works.
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, you kind of grow into yourself in a way too.
2
SPEAKER_00
That was really what it was.
2
SPEAKER_00
I think I was a late bloomer more than I wanted to admit.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, for sure.
2
SPEAKER_01
When you talk about growing up and you re trying to define yourself against other people and you re not really focusing on defining yourself in regards to yourself.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I want to be Nic Cage in Valley Girl.
2
SPEAKER_01
For sure.
2
SPEAKER_01
I want to be Harrison Ford.
2
SPEAKER_01
I want to be Han Solo.
2
SPEAKER_01
I want to be Don Johnson and Miami Vice.
2
SPEAKER_01
Those are the ones that I wanted to do.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, DJing.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s a good pick.
2
SPEAKER_01
Come on, man.
2
SPEAKER_01
I can feel it coming in the air tonight.
2
SPEAKER_01
Damn right you can.
2
SPEAKER_01
You neglect defining yourself in your own terms, and it takes a minute.
2
SPEAKER_01
And part of it is getting the shit kicked out of you.
2
SPEAKER_01
Going in and going, man, why didn t I get that part?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I can sit at the bar and say, ah, this guy did that or this guy did that.
2
SPEAKER_01
But what really was it?
2
SPEAKER_01
I know, I know.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s hard.
2
SPEAKER_01
Did you do everything you could?
2
SPEAKER_01
Or were you as prepared as you could be?
2
SPEAKER_01
Were you funny in a way that was relatable?
2
SPEAKER_01
Or were you just kind of blowing it off because you didn t really think you were going to do it?
2
SPEAKER_01
Or were you doing self-sabotage?
2
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
2
SPEAKER_00
Or what this actor who you think you best resemble.
2
SPEAKER_00
You re kind of doing an impression of.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_01
A thousand percent.
2
SPEAKER_01
And it takes a minute to go like, I owe myself the freedom to go.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m going to do this.
2
SPEAKER_01
They don t like it.
2
SPEAKER_01
Cool.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_00
Back to St.
2
SPEAKER_00
Louis though.
2
SPEAKER_00
Did your mom have shitty boyfriends?
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t think so.
2
SPEAKER_01
So my parents got divorced when I was two.
2
SPEAKER_01
My mom died when I was 10.
2
SPEAKER_01
So I had a pretty limited kid version of what my mom s life was.
2
SPEAKER_01
She would go out.
2
SPEAKER_01
Maybe it was a date.
2
SPEAKER_01
Maybe it was a work thing.
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like I was seven or eight.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m sure I was getting a very filtered version of what was going on.
2
SPEAKER_01
But I remember a couple guys coming around.
2
SPEAKER_01
They were kind of the 70s.
2
SPEAKER_01
You know, a lot of facial hair.
2
SPEAKER_01
Not Camaro types, but a little more of the like, hey buddy, all right.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m Elliot Gould somehow.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_00
Some corduroy.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
A lot of elbow patches.
2
SPEAKER_01
Cause my mom was a secretary.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s how she met my dad.
2
SPEAKER_01
At the family trucking company?
2
SPEAKER_01
No.
2
SPEAKER_01
My mom was a secretary at a radio station, KWK, and her boss was my dad s friend and ended up being my dad s best man at their wedding.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_01
So it was my dad s second wedding.
2
SPEAKER_01
His first wife died suddenly as well.
2
SPEAKER_01
She had a brain aneurysm and dropped dead, leaving two kids behind my two half sisters.
2
SPEAKER_01
My dad dealt with a lot of heavy
2
SPEAKER_00
Shit.
2
SPEAKER_00
I imagine he s pretty young to have been a back then a widow and then a divorce.
2
SPEAKER_01
He was born in 33.
2
SPEAKER_01
So he would ve got married in his late thirties to my mom and she was in her mid twenties.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_01
Having this very brief window of that life and then moving in with my dad after my mom died and my dad at that point was living with my grandmother.
2
SPEAKER_01
So we had three generations under one roof, which was challenging.
2
SPEAKER_00
Really quick.
2
SPEAKER_00
I can t imagine anything as destabilizing as losing your mom, right?
2
SPEAKER_00
Especially when they re divorced.
2
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s like a total erasing of your known existence.
2
SPEAKER_00
In addition to that, you then moved to another town to join grandma and dad, right?
2
SPEAKER_01
It was still St.
2
SPEAKER_01
Louis.
2
SPEAKER_01
It was just another part of town.
3
SPEAKER_01
But I m talking a new school, right?
3
SPEAKER_01
For sure.
3
SPEAKER_01
New school at 10.
3
SPEAKER_01
That could be its own traumatic.
3
SPEAKER_00
And not for nothing.
3
SPEAKER_00
I was moving from people from St.
3
SPEAKER_00
Louis would know this, but there s a version of this in every town.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I was moving from the very white suburban part of town that my mom was living in.
3
SPEAKER_00
to the very black urban part that my father s mother s house was in, because it used to be in a very fancy neighborhood.
3
SPEAKER_00
Had white flight.
3
SPEAKER_00
White flight in the 60s.
3
SPEAKER_00
Kind of a Detroit-y first scenario.
3
SPEAKER_00
Sure, in fact, looks so much.
3
SPEAKER_00
When I finally shot a movie in Detroit in 2020, I was like, oh my God, this could be my neighborhood.
3
SPEAKER_01
Same.
3
SPEAKER_01
When I went to St.
3
SPEAKER_01
Louis, I was like, did I just drive eight hours and I m somehow still in Detroit?
3
SPEAKER_00
And super duper similar in their aspect of the kind of working class and the segregation and the crazy racism.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I went to basically an all-black school.
3
SPEAKER_00
How did that work?
3
SPEAKER_00
For fifth and sixth grade.
3
SPEAKER_00
It was a gear shift for sure.
3
SPEAKER_00
I remember going to my first dance, my fifth grade dance, and the music was all R&B and George Clinton.
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I did not like it.
3
SPEAKER_00
I just didn t know it.
3
SPEAKER_00
So everybody was speaking a different language, especially in retrospect.
3
SPEAKER_00
It was a tremendous lesson of there are different perspectives in the world.
3
SPEAKER_00
I tell this story often, but I was walking home to my neighborhood with a friend of mine, little black kid, we were 10, 11, and the cop stopped us.
3
SPEAKER_00
Where are you guys going?
3
SPEAKER_00
So I m going home.
3
SPEAKER_00
He goes, what s going on?
3
SPEAKER_00
I go, I m walking home from school.
3
SPEAKER_00
Right.
3
SPEAKER_00
And he goes, all right, well, you guys get going.
3
SPEAKER_00
And make sure that you hadn t been taken hostage.
3
SPEAKER_00
And my friend goes, you talk to the police like that?
3
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I go, like what?
3
SPEAKER_00
What do you mean?
3
SPEAKER_00
And again, two completely different perspectives on how life works.
3
SPEAKER_00
And at the time, I was like, that s weird.
3
SPEAKER_00
Why wouldn t you talk to anybody like that?
3
SPEAKER_00
The guy s kind of being aggressive and shitty.
3
SPEAKER_01
Can I tell you, that was kind of my breakthrough in accepting this notion of white privilege is like, well, I grew up with a single mother and we were on welfare and there was violence and addiction.
3
SPEAKER_01
So how privileged am I?
3
SPEAKER_01
But then I think about 10 years as a raging addict.
3
SPEAKER_01
I interacted with cops all the time.
3
SPEAKER_01
They never searched me.
3
SPEAKER_01
I wasn t polite at times.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I m like, oh yeah, I d be in prison.
3
SPEAKER_01
With the addiction I had, I d be in prison.
3
SPEAKER_01
That was the breakthrough.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, for sure.
3
SPEAKER_00
Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare.
3
SPEAKER_00
Getting pulled over when you re half in the back and the cop going, all right, Matt wrote it into Mad Men.
3
SPEAKER_00
My 11th birthday, my first one without my mom, my dad took me out.
3
SPEAKER_00
My dad struggled with booze a lot.
3
SPEAKER_00
Didn t really drink for the time I knew him, but anybody that knew him in the old days was like, oh yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
He was also 6 2 , about 300 pounds, so it took a lot.
3
SPEAKER_00
By the time I lived with him, he was diabetic, he had kind of quit booze, but this one night he took me out and got...
3
SPEAKER_00
Wasted you don t have any where to put that as a kid.
3
SPEAKER_00
You just think oh, they re being funny.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, so he drove home He gets the car which was a 1976 Lincoln Town Car massive 25 foot.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah Seven miles a gallon
3
SPEAKER_00
Driving this thing with one finger with a cocktail in his hand the window down smoking a cigarette goddamn Are you kidding me?
3
SPEAKER_00
And I didn t think anything weird about it until before he was gonna turn into our neighborhood He finished the drink and threw the glass out the window sure cuz littering back then wasn t even a thing you re contributing to Community I literally had no concept of it.
3
SPEAKER_00
We got home fine, but then I look back on it and go like what the fuck?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
3
SPEAKER_01
And then we wrote it into Mad Men.
3
SPEAKER_01
How were you doing in that environment as far as like, what kind of kid were you prior to going to John Burroughs?
3
SPEAKER_01
Cause that s gotta be a much different experience than where you landed.
3
SPEAKER_00
I look back at my life as essentially being an only child.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I remember in a pre-internet era, almost pre-video game era.
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I had an Atari, but not until later in life.
3
SPEAKER_00
The way to entertain yourself was reading.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I had comic books, I had National Geographics, I had so much written word, and I would just read stories.
3
SPEAKER_00
My grandmother s house had a million books in it and a million National Geographics.
3
SPEAKER_00
Same with my grandparents.
3
SPEAKER_00
The grandparents in the 70s loved National Geographic.
3
SPEAKER_00
And Reader s Digest.
3
SPEAKER_00
And 60 Minutes.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it was bananas.
3
SPEAKER_00
You could grab a Reader s Digest and like, oh, I ll find some fun story in this.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s what I did.
3
SPEAKER_00
It was fun.
3
SPEAKER_00
I played a ton of sports.
3
SPEAKER_00
It was kind of free range kid.
3
SPEAKER_00
You did football, baseball, and swimming in high school?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, in high school.
3
SPEAKER_00
But before that, so I would come home latchkey kid.
3
SPEAKER_00
My mom was around.
3
SPEAKER_00
I would go open the thing.
3
SPEAKER_00
My babysitter was an eighth grade boy.
3
SPEAKER_00
13, 14 year old kid who smoked weed and was like, you re good, right?
3
SPEAKER_00
Bye.
3
SPEAKER_00
I was like, okay.
3
SPEAKER_00
And it was just, maybe you had this, but like the roving group of kids.
3
SPEAKER_00
So whatever season it was, was the sport you played.
3
SPEAKER_00
Right.
3
SPEAKER_00
So if it was fall, it was like football.
3
SPEAKER_00
If it was springtime, it was baseball.
3
SPEAKER_01
Do your legs freeze over?
3
SPEAKER_01
Do you play hockey at all?
3
SPEAKER_00
No, I never played hockey.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m a huge fan, but it was too expensive.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, rich kids played because you needed ice time.
3
SPEAKER_00
You needed all the stuff, all the gear, which I never had.
3
SPEAKER_00
We played frozen driveway hockey.
3
SPEAKER_01
I lived on a lake, so I got to play on a lake for free.
3
SPEAKER_01
But yeah, all the gear, the CCMs and the Bowers, all this shit.
3
SPEAKER_01
And you look at that stuff and you go...
3
SPEAKER_00
That was crazy expensive.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yes, yes.
3
SPEAKER_00
And my best friend was the oldest of four.
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, two of my best friends were all brothers.
3
SPEAKER_00
There was gear everywhere, so you could kind of find something that sort of fit.
3
SPEAKER_00
You could work it out, but I just never learned how to skate.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s a big part of it.
3
SPEAKER_00
We all know how to run.
3
SPEAKER_00
We all know how to throw and catch, kind of.
3
SPEAKER_00
Skating is a whole different thing.
3
SPEAKER_00
The barrier to entry is pretty high.
3
SPEAKER_00
So anyways, we just played.
3
SPEAKER_00
That was it.
3
SPEAKER_00
We came back when the lights went on.
3
SPEAKER_00
My mom would get home from work at 5.30 and then come home, we d have dinner and watch TV and go to sleep and rinse repeat.
3
SPEAKER_00
So when I moved in with my dad, the school situation was different.
3
SPEAKER_00
I had no friends.
3
SPEAKER_00
Were you feeling lonely and lost?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yes and yes.
3
SPEAKER_01
Did you develop any OCD stuff at that time?
3
SPEAKER_00
No, but I was in the gifted program, so I had a lot of intellectual things feeding me.
3
SPEAKER_00
And part of it was really just navigating losing my mom.
3
SPEAKER_01
Were you sharing any of that with your dad or friends?
3
SPEAKER_01
See, this is the thing I m talking about being locked into the masculinity.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, there was all this chaos happening in my house, but it felt so weak to bring that up.
3
SPEAKER_00
There was just no avenue down which you could drive that that was considered a thing.
3
SPEAKER_00
Therapy?
3
SPEAKER_00
What the hell was that?
3
SPEAKER_00
I literally was given a book.
3
SPEAKER_00
the day my mom died that said what to do when a parent dies.
3
SPEAKER_00
Great.
3
SPEAKER_00
180 pages from now, you re going to be all fixed.
3
SPEAKER_00
Sure, it was written with the best of intentions, but there was no connective follow.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like nowadays, you d be in therapy.
3
SPEAKER_00
This is how it works and it doesn t mean your mom didn t love you.
3
SPEAKER_00
The abandonment is not a thing.
3
SPEAKER_00
You can talk it out and unravel that knot that happens.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m still working on that.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m sure.
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, think about this.
3
SPEAKER_01
How many kids think they re responsible for their parents  divorce?
3
SPEAKER_01
I have to imagine in some bizarre 10-year-old mind, there s moments you think somehow you have played a role in this.
3
SPEAKER_00
I must have done something wrong.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s a funny thing.
3
SPEAKER_00
The lessons are myriad, but the real good lesson is that the world doesn t really care about you.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s not your fault.
3
SPEAKER_00
You know, I remember seeing Good Will Hunting, and when Matt Damon breaks down and Robert Williams is saved.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s not your fault.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s not your fault.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s not your fault.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s not your fault.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s not.
3
SPEAKER_00
You didn t do anything.
3
SPEAKER_00
You re a little kid.
3
SPEAKER_00
It happened to you.
3
SPEAKER_00
So there s a big lesson in learning that and accepting that.
3
SPEAKER_01
By the way, when you saw that movie, did you find that that scene was hitting you in a kind of unexpected mess?
3
SPEAKER_00
A mess in the movie theater at the Beverly Center.
3
SPEAKER_00
I was literally like heaving, sobbing.
3
SPEAKER_00
And the girl I was with was like, are you okay?
3
SPEAKER_00
Clearly not.
3
SPEAKER_00
We re going to have to call this one early because I m going to have to go home and think about stuff.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m going to journal a little bit tonight, I think.
3
SPEAKER_01
How did she die?
3
SPEAKER_00
It s really funny, I just read a thing on the internet of a woman who was diagnosed with, she had colon cancer is the short answer, and read this story of this 35, my mom was 35 when she died, so she had it probably when she was in her early 30s.
3
SPEAKER_00
It was not discovered until it was way too late because you don t get a colonoscopy until you re...
3
SPEAKER_00
40 or 50.
3
SPEAKER_00
I got mine at 40 because I have history.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s the first time because one of my follow-up questions is my uncle and cousin both same thing.
3
SPEAKER_01
So I started getting colonoscopies at like 17.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, wow.
3
SPEAKER_01
So I was curious.
3
SPEAKER_01
Have you been getting them like me?
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, I m glad I got mine at 40 because there was stuff in there that they then removed and it was like, okay good.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I get them every two years or three years.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know the pandemic kind of flipped the script a little bit, but I m due for one this year.
3
SPEAKER_00
I know that.
3
SPEAKER_00
We should go together.
3
SPEAKER_00
You know who goes together?
3
SPEAKER_00
Who?
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, Lauren, Steve, and Marty Short.
3
SPEAKER_00
They all go and get their colonoscopies together.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, that s great.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s hilarious.
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, we should form one, maybe like me, you and Kimmel.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m down.
3
SPEAKER_01
The day before is the worst.
3
SPEAKER_01
The procedure is lovely.
3
SPEAKER_01
The during is amazing.
3
SPEAKER_00
Best 90 minutes of sleep you ll ever have.
3
SPEAKER_01
Versed, followed by propofol, let s go.
3
SPEAKER_00
Propofol me, baby.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then you wake up and you fart for three hours.
3
SPEAKER_00
You re like, this is so fun.
3
SPEAKER_01
Can I tell you, my mother joined me at one of my ones here in LA, because I needed someone to drive me.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, same thing.
3
SPEAKER_01
I wake up and the nurse rolls me on my side.
3
SPEAKER_01
She goes, you re going to feel the need to fart.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I go, no, I don t have to fart.
3
SPEAKER_01
And as I m saying, I don t need to fart.
3
SPEAKER_01
A good 40 second, longest of my life fart.
3
SPEAKER_01
My mother is just one sheet away, sitting on a bed waiting for me.
3
SPEAKER_01
I hear her start laughing uncontrollably.
3
SPEAKER_01
And then my farts start react, because now I m laughing.
3
SPEAKER_01
And my mother urinated on the fucking bedsheet.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, right back to the story
4
SPEAKER_00
There was a story about a woman who, same thing, had aggressive colon cancer and it metastasized and she got exactly the thing that my mom.
4
SPEAKER_00
My mom got a big chunk of her colon removed, she had a colostomy, the whole thing, and by the time they caught it, though, it had gone to her liver and her stomach and everything, and the doctors were like, that s it.
4
SPEAKER_01
Did she warn you?
4
SPEAKER_00
No, I was a kid.
4
SPEAKER_00
I literally started seeing all of the adults in my life break down.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s scary.
4
SPEAKER_00
My grandfather, who is like a,
4
SPEAKER_00
Navy man, veteran, greatest guy in the world, weeping.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, well, this can t be good.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s probably bad.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then at a certain point, they were like, you need to go in and say goodbye to your mom.
4
SPEAKER_00
And they pushed me into the room and she looked like a skeleton and it was clearly dying.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, uh, what?
4
SPEAKER_00
What do I do?
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
What are you supposed to say?
4
SPEAKER_00
Come up on the bed and she hugged me.
4
SPEAKER_00
I mean, she probably weighed under a hundred pounds and lost her hair and everything.
4
SPEAKER_00
Chemo and everything.
4
SPEAKER_00
I was just like, I don t know.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s scary for a kid.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s like, go say goodbye to your mom.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like, okay, bye.
4
SPEAKER_00
I ll see you tomorrow.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh no, you won t.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh, that goodbye.
4
SPEAKER_01
They think you ll be sad, but really you re just scared.
4
SPEAKER_00
Scared, terrified.
4
SPEAKER_00
Again, this is the 70s, man, or 80s.
4
SPEAKER_00
No one had the vocabulary to even talk about it.
4
SPEAKER_00
The idea of talking about it was like, what s that gonna do?
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, the idea of even helping a child through it, they don t even know how to help themselves through it yet.
4
SPEAKER_01
There s no tools in existence.
4
SPEAKER_00
In retrospect, of course, you think, oh man, I should have done this or that or really taken it in, but you don t.
4
SPEAKER_00
You re just a scared little kid and you go, okay, bye.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then don t cry.
4
SPEAKER_00
Did I not cry enough?
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
All of it s difficult.
4
SPEAKER_00
All of it s challenging, especially when you don t have the vocabulary to even manage getting through it, much less understanding that if you don t deal with this stuff, it s going to really
4
SPEAKER_00
pay dividends down the line.
4
SPEAKER_01
I was gonna ask, did you have a period of time where you had convinced yourself you were over all that and it wasn t affecting you?
4
SPEAKER_00
What I did really well is bury that motherfucker.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
And keep it moving.
4
SPEAKER_00
And that s what it was pretty much for me for like the late 80s into the 90s.
4
SPEAKER_00
In high school, I was distracted with sports and girls and school.
4
SPEAKER_00
And all I wanted to do was achieve and that was fine.
4
SPEAKER_00
That was a really good distraction.
4
SPEAKER_00
And as soon as I got in college, when I didn t have the framework or the schedule, it was like, look out.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah, here s where the misbehavior fucking five years of floundering and losing faith in everything So that was I knew I was like this is gonna be rough, but then keeping it moving keep it moving get the next thing It s almost the athlete thing.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s like I played football and you have this play through the pain ignore that Let s go deal with that later.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, you re also pursuing things that reinforce that approach and
4
SPEAKER_00
There s no goal line for acting, right?
4
SPEAKER_00
It s like, I just need to get an audition.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay, then the goalposts move.
4
SPEAKER_00
Well, I just need to get this.
4
SPEAKER_00
I just need to get that.
4
SPEAKER_00
I just need to get that.
4
SPEAKER_01
I want a series.
4
SPEAKER_01
Now I need a movie.
4
SPEAKER_00
Now I m on a movie.
4
SPEAKER_00
Now I need to direct it.
4
SPEAKER_00
Anything.
4
SPEAKER_00
So finally, when you kind of sit down,
4
SPEAKER_00
down and you rest, which I did probably third year of Mad Men, you go, oh man, where am I?
4
SPEAKER_00
I ve been running for so long, where am I?
4
SPEAKER_00
Then you understand it s a deeper thing.
4
SPEAKER_00
And that s when you start talking to people that have the vocabulary to manage that.
4
SPEAKER_01
Do you have the same gratitude I have where it s like, I am so glad I was given the cash and prizes
4
SPEAKER_01
so that I could find out it was like an internal job that had nothing to do with the cashier.
4
SPEAKER_01
Because if I had not ever been given them, I would have died believing those were still gonna fix it.
4
SPEAKER_01
Of course.
4
SPEAKER_01
Then you go, oh, that s all dumb.
4
SPEAKER_01
That s all super dumb.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m so mad, too.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like, wait a minute.
4
SPEAKER_01
The cab driver knew who I was.
4
SPEAKER_01
Why hasn t that fixed it?
4
SPEAKER_01
This was my dream.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s impossible to say it if you ve never been through it.
4
SPEAKER_00
I know you can t bestow it onto friends.
4
SPEAKER_00
No one can understand it without going through it.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s the gratitude part, right?
4
SPEAKER_00
You go, thank God.
4
SPEAKER_00
I checked that box and I had that experience.
4
SPEAKER_00
Therefore, I know that it s.
4
SPEAKER_00
ultimately meaningless.
4
SPEAKER_00
And just another thing.
4
SPEAKER_00
Do you have the thing?
4
SPEAKER_00
I mean, you have a lot of stuff.
4
SPEAKER_00
I have a lot of stuff.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it s hard not to collect shiny things.
4
SPEAKER_00
But I go through and I give it all away.
4
SPEAKER_01
I do a lot of that.
4
SPEAKER_01
To know me is to have gotten many free shoes and pants and everything else.
4
SPEAKER_00
Do you have friends that are your same shoe size?
4
SPEAKER_01
Because I don t.
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, I have friends who have made themselves my same shoe size.
4
SPEAKER_00
That ll work.
4
SPEAKER_01
I have friends that used to be a 10 that are now a 12.
4
SPEAKER_01
I had the kind of sad thought on your behalf, because your father then dies when you re 20.
4
SPEAKER_01
You re an orphan at 20.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I wonder, and again, this will potentially be something I will try to tell you that you two won t be able to internalize, as we just talked about.
4
SPEAKER_01
But have you felt that there was a certain emptiness to your successes?
4
SPEAKER_00
Because you can t share it.
4
SPEAKER_01
Right, the people that you most want to say, hey, look at me, I did it.
4
SPEAKER_01
are not there to do that for, and I could feel like maybe your success would feel incomplete.
4
SPEAKER_00
There s certainly a version of that, yes, where you go, man, wouldn t it be nice if... I wish I could show them, look what I did.
4
SPEAKER_00
I had a similar experience when I got married.
4
SPEAKER_00
I got married this summer, first time I ve ever been married, and it was- Congratulations.
4
SPEAKER_00
Thank you.
4
SPEAKER_00
Tremendous day, beautiful ceremony.
4
SPEAKER_01
Took place at the last scene of Mad Men.
4
SPEAKER_00
Where I met my wife.
4
SPEAKER_00
I did not know she would be my wife then, but I just remember being literally arrested by her presence and going, whoa.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then life happened over the course of nine years, and then we got married.
4
SPEAKER_00
So my sisters were there, my aunts were there, but my mom and dad weren t.
4
SPEAKER_00
I had this sort of vicarious thrill that my sisters and my aunts were kind of like really felling and feeling this whole thing.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I really felt it that they weren t there, but they were there in the space.
4
SPEAKER_00
So yes, again, it would have been nice, but obviously that s what happens with life.
4
SPEAKER_00
You know, you don t get to pick.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
Could you feel the emptiness, though?
4
SPEAKER_01
Could you feel like, as things were getting so incredibly good for you, and you re winning Emmys, and you re getting nominated, and you re on the very best show that s maybe ever been on TV other than Sopranos, are you feeling like, where is that accompanying sensation?
4
SPEAKER_01
Did you have a hard time internalizing it, or were you able to?
4
SPEAKER_01
I think it was hard.
4
SPEAKER_00
I know it was hard.
4
SPEAKER_00
Part of it is that there s no playbook.
4
SPEAKER_00
That is a crazy ride, and you re going, oh my god, I m hosting SNL, and I m doing this,
4
SPEAKER_00
I m doing that and these are all kick-ass things, but they re coming very calm so fast Like you get the show the shows a hit then the fire hose goes on someone turns the huge switch on and you can t Drink from it.
4
SPEAKER_00
You re fighting it off in a lot of ways So it takes a level of emotional maturity that I did not have I think I might have now because I m much more aware of the
4
SPEAKER_00
ephemeralness of it.
4
SPEAKER_01
Not that you need my validation, but the being in front of me right now feels very different than the being I m at 10, 12 years ago.
4
SPEAKER_01
I hope so.
4
SPEAKER_01
The constriction maybe that I felt seems to be dissipated.
4
SPEAKER_00
For sure.
4
SPEAKER_00
You feel that in your body?
4
100%.
4
SPEAKER_00
Unraveled in the best possible way and comfortable.
4
SPEAKER_00
Loose.
4
SPEAKER_00
I had this experience even in front of the camera when I m doing my job.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m like, good.
4
SPEAKER_00
Well, okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m like, I m fine.
4
SPEAKER_00
Whatever this is, is going to be good.
4
SPEAKER_00
And if we don t get it, we ll get it on take two.
4
SPEAKER_00
And if we don t get it on take two, we ll get it on take three, whatever the fuck.
4
SPEAKER_00
Right.
4
SPEAKER_00
I was talking with Billy Crudup about that on morning show.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, have you hit that wall yet?
4
SPEAKER_00
Cause it s a good wall.
4
SPEAKER_01
when you go, oh, right, I m good at this.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yes, I belong here.
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t have to fucking stranglehold this anymore.
4
SPEAKER_01
No, I don t have to death grip this thing.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it s so present in Roy Tillman.
4
SPEAKER_01
I have to say, I ve seen you in a lot of things.
4
SPEAKER_01
I ve loved you in a lot of things.
4
SPEAKER_01
This, to me, I was like, oh, goddamn, John.
4
SPEAKER_01
I didn t know you could be this sensational.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s very evident in Fargo.
4
SPEAKER_01
I was gobsmacked with how good you are.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s a very different version that I think people haven t seen me do that.
4
SPEAKER_00
I haven t.
4
SPEAKER_00
You re a great motherfucker.
4
SPEAKER_00
Part of what I got to do every day was really make sure that I remembered that this guy loves being this guy.
4
SPEAKER_00
You know what I mean?
4
SPEAKER_01
Like such a fan of himself.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
In a sea of alphas, he s on top.
4
SPEAKER_00
Don Draper loved being Don Draper, but at the core of him, he was Dick Whitman.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so there was a real bifurcated life.
4
SPEAKER_00
Imposter-y.
4
SPEAKER_00
Imposter stuff.
4
SPEAKER_00
Roy is Roy, man.
4
SPEAKER_01
Loves it.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, you re so right.
4
SPEAKER_01
When he gets to do a speech, it s like, you can tell he s nearly jacking off while he s hearing himself talk.
4
SPEAKER_00
If not actually.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it s impulsive.
4
SPEAKER_00
Ejaculating.
4
SPEAKER_00
And part of it was working with that tremendous cast, and part of it was really what Noah Hawley has done with all five seasons of that show, and each one of them are tremendous, and each one of them are radically different, is really lean into the cinematic-ness that the Coen brothers were always able to find.
4
SPEAKER_00
not just in Fargo, in all their movies.
4
SPEAKER_00
And there s little Easter eggs all over that show that are not just from Fargo, but hints into the Coen.
4
SPEAKER_00
The Coen canon.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
And so it s fun to be able to play with that too.
4
SPEAKER_01
If no one called me to be in that world, I would feel fucking lucky.
4
SPEAKER_01
I d be like, I cannot believe I get to enter something I have loved for so long.
4
SPEAKER_00
I got to meet Noah.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s probably how you feel coming on this show.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s tremendous.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s the same thing.
4
SPEAKER_00
Exactly the same thing.
4
SPEAKER_00
I got to meet Noah.
4
SPEAKER_00
We were at the CAA holiday party or one of the things and it s a dog show.
4
SPEAKER_00
I mean, it s just a million people there.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s way too crowded.
5
SPEAKER_01
put it in a small place so it makes it feel more crowded and you can t hear it s too loud and I was sitting at the bar waiting to get a drink or something and I turned to my right and it s Noah Holland he just won the Golden Globe or Fargo maybe he s the Emmy and I go hey man I ve been wanting to meet you I m a big fan of your work and he goes I m a big fan of your work and I go hey cool maybe we ll work together someday maybe we will
5
SPEAKER_01
Let s go outside and we ll have a drink. 
5
SPEAKER_01
I go, great.
5
SPEAKER_01
So we talked for like 20 minutes at this party.
5
SPEAKER_01
And then I thought, okay, cool.
5
SPEAKER_01
I got to meet that guy.
5
SPEAKER_01
He seems like a really cool guy.
5
SPEAKER_01
Were you like us, thunderstruck by his intelligence?
5
SPEAKER_01
Pretty much.
5
SPEAKER_01
He s smart and he s creative and he s funny and interesting.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I thought that the first season outperformed even my expectations of it.
5
SPEAKER_01
I m like, there s no way this is going to be good.
5
SPEAKER_01
And it was sensational.
5
SPEAKER_01
And it was better than good.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
And then the second season is a completely different show and equally interesting and cool.
5
SPEAKER_01
And so when we got down to the fourth season with Rock and how they completely reinvented it, and then our season, I m like, my God, he s using split screens and crossfades and all of these like old Hollywood techniques that are so perfectly weird for this show.
5
SPEAKER_01
I thought it was really cool.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, what a brave choice to lean into that and really think, okay, this is kind of an old timey thing.
5
SPEAKER_01
but it s somehow it s going to work.
5
SPEAKER_01
And that s kind of what the Coens do too, these irises and all these weird old Hollywood techniques.
5
SPEAKER_01
And you go, oh yeah, it s just storytelling.
5
SPEAKER_01
And the images that we get to play with when you shoot up in Calgary, these massive wide shots and these tight closeups of walking over crunchy snow and all this stuff that s just so...
5
SPEAKER_00
Fun.
5
SPEAKER_00
I recommend this all the time, but if you can get your hands on the DVD of Miller s Crossing, Barry Sonnenfeld is on there as an extra explaining photographing a movie.
5
SPEAKER_00
You do not need to go to school.
5
SPEAKER_00
He gives you a masterclass in cinematography.
5
SPEAKER_01
Incredible guy.
5
SPEAKER_01
I ve known him for a long time.
5
SPEAKER_01
He s a really cool guy, an amazing director of photography.
5
SPEAKER_01
but also a very good director and he s taken all the things.
5
SPEAKER_01
He would say this, I m not talking out of school, he started in porn as a young cameraman.
5
SPEAKER_01
He s got some stories and you go, okay, well, there s only so much you can do when you re telling that story.
5
SPEAKER_00
You guys must have bonded over that because you were a set decorator in Softcore Porn.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh, wow.
5
SPEAKER_02
We need to touch on that for a second.
5
SPEAKER_01
We need to touch and caress that.
5
SPEAKER_01
That was really when I was like, I don t think I can do this anymore.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I remember getting up at seven o clock in the morning and walking down to the corner.
5
SPEAKER_01
And my friend who s in silver Lake, he was like a electrician on those.
5
SPEAKER_01
And he goes, I ll drive you.
5
SPEAKER_01
Cause I didn t have a car.
5
SPEAKER_01
I didn t have a car.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I m like, what am I doing with my life?
5
SPEAKER_01
I m set dressing.
5
SPEAKER_01
To this day, I could barely kind of tell you what my job was meant to be.
5
SPEAKER_00
More silk flowing off of walls.
5
SPEAKER_01
I was literally like, if they re looking at where the ashtray is, I m pretty sure you guys are doing something wrong.
5
SPEAKER_01
That s not on me.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s fine.
5
SPEAKER_02
You taught before you came out here then.
5
SPEAKER_02
So that would be extra hard if you left a job that I assume was fulfilling and then you re doing that.
5
SPEAKER_01
Well, here s what I knew.
5
SPEAKER_01
Cause they asked if I wanted to come back to teach again.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I was 24 years old and I was like, I do because I did really enjoy it.
5
SPEAKER_01
But I knew that I could see how this was going to go.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, I m going to come back for one more year.
5
SPEAKER_01
And then I m going to do that for one more year, 30 times in a row.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I m gonna retire in St.
5
SPEAKER_01
Louis and I m gonna have a perfectly nice life and I m gonna have the two saddest words in the English language, what if?
5
SPEAKER_01
So I said I would love to come back but I think I just want to try and that was part of also why I said if this isn t happening by 30 then I do have a backup plan.
5
SPEAKER_01
And that was nice.
5
SPEAKER_01
I could maybe go back and still do that.
5
SPEAKER_00
Well, back to the Noah Hawley thing.
5
SPEAKER_00
You start a pattern that I admire about you, which is you re coming off Mad Men.
5
SPEAKER_00
Clearly, I didn t know that you had met Noah at the CA party, but you do a small thing on Legion.
5
SPEAKER_00
You ve done this a lot.
5
SPEAKER_00
I imagine the stress post-Mad Men had to be intense.
5
SPEAKER_00
Not really.
5
SPEAKER_00
It wasn t.
5
SPEAKER_01
You weren t afraid.
5
SPEAKER_01
Part of it was I said, okay, I did that and that was great.
5
SPEAKER_01
And if I don t do anything else.
5
SPEAKER_00
You had that attitude.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s healthy.
5
SPEAKER_00
I really did.
5
SPEAKER_00
I just want to point out a lot of people as the lead of an incredibly successful show would probably be unwilling to go do a three episode arc on 30 Rock or a three episode arc on Legion.
5
SPEAKER_00
The way I looked at it,
5
SPEAKER_01
was that it was all work and I love my job and I get to work with this crazy talented group of people and then I ll do an uncredited part in Bridesmaids like of course I want to work with Kristen Wiig and Maya and Paul Feig.
5
SPEAKER_00
But to me what it said is you were humble enough to
5
SPEAKER_00
enter into these worlds that you were interested in, in a way that was realistic.
5
SPEAKER_00
What was clear to me is you really liked comedy.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
And you had just done Mad Men, and it was like, you want to play now.
5
SPEAKER_00
But you were humble enough and realistic to go, yeah, and the way I m going to be able to do that initially is to go do this arc here, improve, I ve got chops, and go here.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I think a lot of people would have lacked that humility.
5
SPEAKER_01
I definitely didn t want to be like, now I want to do a Will Ferrell movie, and I want to be Will Ferrell.
5
SPEAKER_01
Too hander with Will Ferrell.
5
SPEAKER_00
But a lot of dudes would have done that.
5
SPEAKER_01
A hard pass.
5
SPEAKER_01
That s why I wanted to be in Step Brothers.
5
SPEAKER_01
I was like, this is the perfect role.
5
SPEAKER_00
Wait, that was post Mad Men?
5
SPEAKER_01
It was during Mad Men.
5
SPEAKER_01
During Mad Men.
5
SPEAKER_01
I think.
5
SPEAKER_01
But even so, you know, you go, what s gonna be fun?
5
SPEAKER_01
What am I gonna take away and what am I gonna enjoy about this process?
5
SPEAKER_01
And that was doing the thing on Legion, which was a voiceover role.
5
SPEAKER_01
Because I had been doing voiceovers for some time and Noah was like, would you consider doing this?
5
SPEAKER_01
I m like, absolutely.
5
SPEAKER_01
I love the show.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s wildly ambitious and creative.
5
SPEAKER_01
So I would love to be connected to it in some way.
5
SPEAKER_01
You do Lucy in the Sky, is that next?
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, which was a script that he wasn t attached to.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I d read and I was like, this is pretty good.
5
SPEAKER_01
It was meant to be Reese Witherspoon.
5
SPEAKER_01
And she fell out for various reasons.
5
SPEAKER_01
And then Noah came on and was like, I m doing a page one rewrite.
5
SPEAKER_01
And you re like, okay.
5
SPEAKER_01
And it was the only time before or since that a page one rewrite
5
SPEAKER_01
made the movie a million times better.
5
SPEAKER_01
I was like, wow, this is now very cool.
5
SPEAKER_01
Cause he s smart.
5
SPEAKER_01
And he brought a philosophical element into it.
5
SPEAKER_01
It wasn t just this sort of salacious story.
5
SPEAKER_01
I m very proud of it.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I got to work with Natalie, who s amazing and everybody on that.
5
SPEAKER_01
And Ellen Burstyn again.
5
SPEAKER_01
So you go, all right, I m in, jump in with both feet and let s see what happens.
5
SPEAKER_01
And that was an exciting thing.
5
SPEAKER_01
I go, man, look what he did.
5
SPEAKER_01
He s got all these crazy camera moves and beautiful techniques to telling the story.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I got to be an astronaut.
5
SPEAKER_01
I was like, this is pretty fun.
5
SPEAKER_00
So do you feel like you would have been able to be as good as you were in Fargo?
5
SPEAKER_00
I guess, did it help enormously that you and Noah already had a comfort level?
5
SPEAKER_00
There was none of that kind of first day feeling each other out stuff.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like you entered it with a preexisting relationship.
5
SPEAKER_00
That was helpful.
5
SPEAKER_01
There s always that first day of school thing where you re just like, I m doing everything wrong.
5
SPEAKER_01
Part of it was feeling comfortable going like, Oh, I m free to fail.
5
SPEAKER_01
And you can tell me do less of that, do more of this.
5
SPEAKER_00
Because if I was taking that big of a swing, it d be very helpful to me that the director who brought me in, I already knew they thought I was good.
5
SPEAKER_00
That insecurity wouldn t swell up of like, fuck, I m going to get fired.
5
SPEAKER_01
Somebody s going to see dailies and go, this is working.
5
SPEAKER_01
We need to cast somebody else.
5
SPEAKER_00
Have you been fired?
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
Me too.
5
SPEAKER_00
From a table read.
5
SPEAKER_00
What did you get fired from?
5
SPEAKER_01
Ooh, table read firing.
5
SPEAKER_01
I ve never had that, but boy, that s always been in the back of my mind.
5
SPEAKER_00
I didn t even think that was an option.
5
SPEAKER_01
Boy, it so is, and people don t get that, especially with re-camera stuff when you have to nail a joke.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s when I got fired from.
5
SPEAKER_00
I did Will and Grace.
5
SPEAKER_00
They virtually begged me to come on, and I couldn t do it schedule-wise, and finally I m like, yes, I love Sean Hayes, I m coming to do it.
5
SPEAKER_00
I did table read, and then I got a call like two days later from my agent, and they were telling me all these really positive things, and all of a sudden it occurred to me, why are they calling me to be so positive?
5
SPEAKER_00
I m like, I didn t get fired from that table read, did I?
5
SPEAKER_00
Yes, you did, but the good news is they re still gonna pay you.
5
SPEAKER_01
That s not good news.
5
SPEAKER_00
I don t need the money.
5
SPEAKER_00
I want to be liked.
5
SPEAKER_00
My wife s rich.
5
SPEAKER_01
I don t need to do this.
5
SPEAKER_01
I got fired from a pilot that they shot and then they fired the female lead.
5
SPEAKER_01
who I was the love interest of.
5
SPEAKER_01
And they were like, but we re not firing you.
5
SPEAKER_01
We want to keep you.
5
SPEAKER_01
I m like, how?
5
SPEAKER_01
If you fire her, then I have no reason for being in this.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah, but we re going to blah, blah, blah.
5
SPEAKER_01
They held me to the very last day of my eligibility.
5
SPEAKER_01
I had to turn down another pilot, all this other stuff.
5
SPEAKER_01
I missed three days of Adam Scott s wedding, all of this stuff.
5
SPEAKER_01
And they said, yeah, they re firing you.
5
SPEAKER_01
I was like, oh, I had a feeling.
5
SPEAKER_01
And it went to series.
5
SPEAKER_00
I told what show it was, where d you get fired from?
5
SPEAKER_00
Well, it ended up being called Breaking Bad.
5
SPEAKER_00
Related?
5
SPEAKER_00
Related, okay.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
Well, that s comforting.
5
SPEAKER_01
I think it was called Sisters when I did it.
5
SPEAKER_01
It was about three sisters, and they fired Laura San Giacomo, who was the oldest.
5
SPEAKER_01
Oh, boy, it s a brutal.
5
SPEAKER_01
It was so brutal, because they forced called her every day on the pilot, shot 10 days.
5
SPEAKER_01
She got murdered on that pilot.
5
SPEAKER_01
And the thank you was, also, you re fired.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh, man, this is a fucking beat up.
5
SPEAKER_00
Rough sometimes.
5
SPEAKER_00
It is.
5
SPEAKER_00
Fucking Top Gun, dude, I can t believe you re in Top Gun.
5
SPEAKER_00
I have not been so horny for a movie in a decade.
5
SPEAKER_00
I saw it three times at IMAX.
5
SPEAKER_01
I ve told this story before, but I just remember them saying like, so there s an ask, they want you to do the new Top Gun.
5
SPEAKER_01
I was like, so you said yes, right?
5
SPEAKER_01
They re like, well, I go, no, no, no, no, no.
5
SPEAKER_01
What part of yes is not translated?
5
SPEAKER_01
Like, well, the money s not gone.
5
SPEAKER_01
It doesn t matter.
5
SPEAKER_01
Take whatever offer is offered and say, thank you.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I ll be there tan and ready to go.
6
SPEAKER_01
And they re like, but it s not.
6
SPEAKER_01
I go, try to follow me here.
6
SPEAKER_01
If you mess up, you re fired.
6
SPEAKER_01
I don t know what else to say.
6
SPEAKER_01
All you have to know is that I saw that movie a hundred times when I was 15 in the movies.
6
SPEAKER_01
I was in eighth grade.
6
SPEAKER_01
I couldn t drive yet, but man, as soon as that, you know, that Jerry Bruckheimer, Don Simpson thing came on the screen.
6
SPEAKER_01
And that chord that they play.
6
SPEAKER_01
Cut to the aircraft carrier.
6
SPEAKER_01
Let s go, go, go, smoke.
6
SPEAKER_01
I m in.
6
SPEAKER_01
I don t need anything else.
6
SPEAKER_00
And the fact that this one was way better, by the way, I wouldn t have thought that.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s so much better.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s so much better.
6
SPEAKER_01
You watch the original and it s like, there s a lot of stuff in there.
6
SPEAKER_00
My nine-year-old fell in love with it and then we went and watched the original.
6
SPEAKER_00
I was like, oh my God.
6
SPEAKER_00
In my mind, it holds such a spot, but in objective reality, the new one is
6
SPEAKER_01
So much better and also it took three years to do because we had to hold it for the pandemic and all this other stuff and there was a lot of really talk about every dude who stayed committed to his Principles TC is talking about a unicorn.
6
SPEAKER_01
There s not many if any like him.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I just watched the new Mission Impossible and I was like
6
SPEAKER_01
Are you kidding me?
6
SPEAKER_01
The fucking jump.
6
SPEAKER_01
Jump off the thing.
6
SPEAKER_01
Like, you re a motorcycle guy.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yes, I am.
6
SPEAKER_01
So, you know, the scary part isn t the jump.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s the part about 30 seconds before the jump when you re like, I better hit this thing.
6
SPEAKER_01
Perfectly.
6
SPEAKER_01
In the right spot at the right everything, or I m dead.
6
SPEAKER_00
And let s go beyond that.
6
SPEAKER_00
That trailer played before a movie, and my daughter said, would you do that jump?
6
SPEAKER_00
And I said, I would do that jump, but the difference between Tom Cruise and I is I would do it once.
6
SPEAKER_00
What makes Tom Cruise, Tom Cruise is that he did that jump 10 fucking times.
6
SPEAKER_00
He watched playback.
6
SPEAKER_00
He s like, I could have held on to the motorcycle a little longer.
6
SPEAKER_00
I m going again.
6
SPEAKER_00
That s where he s.
6
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
6
SPEAKER_01
Let me get the motorcycle from the bottom of the crevasse.
6
SPEAKER_00
Cause the jump was so well publicized.
6
SPEAKER_00
I knew that was coming, but better than the jump.
6
SPEAKER_00
If you ride, he s doing tons of riding, talking on a phone and doing real jumps.
6
SPEAKER_00
That shit s actually more impressive.
6
SPEAKER_01
I ve met.
6
SPEAKER_01
Tom as I m sure you have over the course of this life and you look at him and you re like man You are just a movie star.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, that s your job.
6
SPEAKER_01
Maybe the best there s ever been Yeah, and there s a lot of people who are movie stars, but it s not their job This guy s job is eating sleeping and dreaming movie stuff I heard someone tell a story where they were interviewing him and they asked him if
6
SPEAKER_00
Oh, that shot out of the airplane, where you re hanging out of the airplane.
6
SPEAKER_00
Like, how did you think of that?
6
SPEAKER_00
And he goes, ah, I wanted to make that shot for 10 years.
6
SPEAKER_00
I came up with that idea, and then when it came time, I had the safety crew there.
6
SPEAKER_00
They said, you can t do that.
6
SPEAKER_00
I fired that safety crew, and I brought in one that said I could.
6
SPEAKER_00
But like, yeah, that s him.
6
SPEAKER_00
He had been wanting to hang out of that airplane for 10 years.
6
SPEAKER_01
And by the way, you look at it, and you go, that is bananas.
6
SPEAKER_00
That s a human being.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yes, hanging out of an actual flying airplane.
6
SPEAKER_00
The fact that he and Doug Liman were going to go to space and make a movie.
6
SPEAKER_00
And most likely will.
6
SPEAKER_00
Look at him and I go all praise to you.
6
SPEAKER_01
I don t have what you have and I don t want it I m glad that you do it because I couldn t write I watched, you know, obviously he s not flying an 80 million dollar airplane That s the property of the Department of Defense.
6
SPEAKER_01
He s in it, but he s not flying even he admits that he s not
6
SPEAKER_01
Taking off at a 14-time good for sure.
6
SPEAKER_01
I guarantee you he could he has the skills and the capability to do it Yeah, but it s an 80 million dollar plane.
6
SPEAKER_01
The Department of Defense has rules Yeah but then you see when he comes off that aircraft carrier and the drop happens and his face is smooshed back in his thing and you re like Oh shit.
6
SPEAKER_01
He s really in that thing and I believe that he s flying that thing.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah
6
SPEAKER_00
Yes, did you see, I think it was like All-American or something.
6
SPEAKER_00
He had a movie called Air America.
6
SPEAKER_00
It wasn t Air America.
6
SPEAKER_01
That was with Downey and Mel Gibson.
6
SPEAKER_01
American Made.
6
SPEAKER_00
American Made.
6
SPEAKER_00
Did you see that one?
6
SPEAKER_00
No, but he s definitely flying those planes.
6
SPEAKER_00
They re doing air to air and he is flying the shit out of an airplane.
6
SPEAKER_01
100% that s why he made that movie.
6
SPEAKER_00
Thousand percent by the way, I did the same thing with chips.
6
SPEAKER_00
I m like, I want to do cool stunts on motorcycle I want everyone to see they didn t go see it, but I still yeah But I was watching that airplane moment.
6
SPEAKER_01
I know when he s going through so much right now Yeah, and by the way, the greatest part of working with him is that he is like and you re invited Come on along whatever it is join my winning team.
6
SPEAKER_01
He s like Tom Brady exactly and then when they decided to hold that movie
6
SPEAKER_01
We all saw it in the summer of 2020.
6
SPEAKER_01
Oh wow.
6
SPEAKER_01
So we all sat 15 seats away from each other with masks on with the hand sanitizer.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
And when the movie ended, we were like, who do we tell?
6
SPEAKER_01
Like, Oh fuck.
6
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
We can t really hug.
6
SPEAKER_01
We can t really high five, but we re going to do it anyway.
6
SPEAKER_01
And then we ll spray ourselves with disinfectant.
6
SPEAKER_01
Two full years later, that movie comes out.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
And is the biggest God damn.
6
SPEAKER_02
Thank God he waited.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yes, he kind of saved the film business.
6
SPEAKER_01
Single-handedly.
6
SPEAKER_01
One of the premieres was down in San Diego, and it was probably half either current or retired Navy.
6
SPEAKER_01
And that is the screening you want to see that movie at, when no one knows what this movie is.
6
SPEAKER_01
That place was raucous.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I m surprised pistols weren t being fired.
6
SPEAKER_00
It might as well have been.
6
SPEAKER_01
You know, like, woo!
6
SPEAKER_01
There were hats thrown.
6
SPEAKER_00
It was insane.
6
SPEAKER_01
And it was like, I think we might have a hit.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I saw it and I m like, oh, this is never leaving the theater.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s just gonna run and run and run.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, fuck, what a movie.
6
SPEAKER_01
Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert.
6
SPEAKER_00
Okay, last couple things.
6
SPEAKER_00
Back to Roy Tillman.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s a hard role.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s your id.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s like the shittiest, darkest part of yourself.
6
SPEAKER_01
I ve learned not to ever judge a character that you re playing, right?
6
SPEAKER_01
So that s a big part of it.
6
SPEAKER_01
We all know that he s a bad person, but when you re playing him, you have to lean into the fact that he didn t give a shit and he thinks what he s doing is 100% right.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s righteous.
6
SPEAKER_01
He has the force, which a lot of true believers have.
6
SPEAKER_01
that he is led by a higher being and a deeper sense of commitment, and it is all right.
6
SPEAKER_01
What s great about playing somebody like that is that he s not.
6
SPEAKER_01
And when the hammer comes down, it comes down hard.
6
SPEAKER_00
You re playing a sovereign citizen type guy.
6
SPEAKER_01
All of those guys, it all breaks down.
6
SPEAKER_01
If you look at it too closely, you kind of go, you re neglecting this huge part of what your argument is suggesting.
6
SPEAKER_00
I think Noah did the most brilliant job of distilling it down to the most simple line of the whole show, which was said to you by Jennifer Jason Leigh, which is like, so you want all of the freedom and none of the responsibility, so you want to be a baby.
6
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, there s only one person who gets that privilege in life, a baby.
6
SPEAKER_00
So you want to be a baby.
6
SPEAKER_00
You re fighting for the right to be a baby.
6
SPEAKER_00
How was that scene?
6
SPEAKER_01
Do you remember shooting that scene?
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
Well, first of all, she s unbelievable.
6
SPEAKER_01
And second of all, there was just a lot of dynamics going on in that scene, which were great.
6
SPEAKER_01
Two people that are very comfortable in their own skin and certain of their righteousness.
6
SPEAKER_01
I do remember that day.
6
SPEAKER_01
It was a fun day.
6
SPEAKER_01
And Jennifer s wonderful.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s a tremendous gift to be opposite her.
6
SPEAKER_01
I ve been a fan of her since Fast Times.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, what s our favorite?
6
SPEAKER_00
They re drug addicts.
6
SPEAKER_00
They re undercover cops.
6
SPEAKER_00
Rush.
6
SPEAKER_01
Rush.
6
SPEAKER_00
Jason Patrick.
6
SPEAKER_00
Jason Patrick and Jennifer Gosselin.
6
SPEAKER_00
God, were they beautiful.
6
SPEAKER_00
Twin Jasons.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
6
SPEAKER_00
TJ.
6
SPEAKER_00
How pumped were you when you saw that you were going to say the line, if you re so smart, why are you so dead?
6
SPEAKER_00
Fuck.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s a funny thing and Noah s talked about this, but there s a limit to what your intellectual superiority can achieve.
6
SPEAKER_01
We still live in the law of the jungle at times.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
And they go, yeah, I m smarter than you.
6
SPEAKER_01
Well, great.
6
SPEAKER_01
Good for you.
6
SPEAKER_01
Cause this is happening now.
6
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
Right.
6
SPEAKER_01
And now you re dead.
6
SPEAKER_01
And you re going to be in a hole and no one s going to find you.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s scary it s so scary.
6
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, cuz he s real.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I m sure that you ve run into a certain element of the world in your travels bought a lot of drugs and There s a lot of times when you when you re like in a situation you go
6
SPEAKER_01
This can go sideways really fast and I should probably not be here.
6
SPEAKER_01
I ve only had a gun pulled on me a couple times and it s never not been.
6
SPEAKER_01
Everything immediately distills and whatever the brain chemical that is immediately flooding your brain for me is like, get the fuck out of here.
6
SPEAKER_01
Right.
6
SPEAKER_01
This is bad.
6
SPEAKER_01
Right.
6
SPEAKER_01
You do not want to be here.
6
SPEAKER_01
You get sober quick and you get out.
6
SPEAKER_02
Oh, a couple times.
6
SPEAKER_02
Guns stink, man.
6
SPEAKER_01
Guns are rough.
6
SPEAKER_01
Guns are rough.
6
SPEAKER_01
They re terrifying.
6
SPEAKER_01
And I grew up around them.
6
SPEAKER_01
My uncles and cousins and everybody were all hunters.
6
SPEAKER_01
We had guns in the house.
6
SPEAKER_01
It was just a thing.
6
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, I don t like the potential of what this can do.
6
SPEAKER_00
We were shot at when we were 18 in my town.
6
SPEAKER_00
Dude, we had some road things going on with it.
6
SPEAKER_00
Pulled over on the side of the road.
6
SPEAKER_00
We were walking up the porch and we re like, what s this guy doing in his trunk?
6
SPEAKER_00
He was about 200 feet away on the shoulder of the road.
6
SPEAKER_00
What s he getting out of his trunk?
6
SPEAKER_00
Is that a- and then fired it at us.
6
SPEAKER_00
And then fucking hit the brick.
6
SPEAKER_01
I got shot out of my car.
6
SPEAKER_01
I was driving, heard this pong.
6
SPEAKER_01
That was weird.
6
SPEAKER_01
Did we run over something?
6
SPEAKER_01
And I look over and there s a bullet hole in my front left quarter panel.
6
SPEAKER_01
What year is this?
6
SPEAKER_01
91, 92 St.
6
SPEAKER_01
Louis.
6
SPEAKER_01
Sure, sure, sure.
6
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, oh, that s a 22.
6
SPEAKER_01
That s what that was.
7
SPEAKER_01
Right.
7
SPEAKER_01
Six inches to the right and six inches higher and I got shot in the head.
7
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
7
SPEAKER_02
Life is precarious.
7
SPEAKER_02
I m jealous of several of your roles.
7
SPEAKER_02
I m being honest.
7
SPEAKER_02
There s several I would have liked to have played.
7
SPEAKER_02
But if I had to say the thing I m most jealous of of your entire career is this 14 year gig with Mercedes.
7
SPEAKER_02
That s a good one.
7
SPEAKER_02
You can hit the lotto in weird ways.
7
SPEAKER_01
That is tremendous because it dovetails nicely with two things that I love, money and cars.
7
SPEAKER_01
Yes, that s my biggest- That s a good part of the Venn diagram.
7
SPEAKER_01
Activators.
7
SPEAKER_01
It would be one thing to have gotten that job as the spokesperson for Hyundai.
7
SPEAKER_01
Great gig, awesome.
7
SPEAKER_01
All respect to everyone reading for Hyundai.
7
SPEAKER_01
But I got one that I really, really like and I get to drive those cars and for the longest time, the tagline was the best or nothing.
7
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
7
SPEAKER_01
And it s true.
7
SPEAKER_01
I know.
7
SPEAKER_01
You drive a Mercedes-Benz and then you drive any other car and you go, that s not a Mercedes.
7
SPEAKER_02
Here s what happened to me.
7
SPEAKER_02
Most of the shit that s in this driveway is all from Detroit.
7
SPEAKER_02
I very much wanted a Cadillac CTS-V wagon.
7
SPEAKER_02
I had one for like a year on loan from GM.
7
SPEAKER_02
It s so cool.
7
SPEAKER_02
And it was really either between that and the E63 wagon that I ended up with.
7
SPEAKER_02
And I had driven the CTS-V a bunch, and I love Cadillac, and I love General Motors, and I love Detroit.
7
SPEAKER_02
I got in that fucking Mercedes, and I was like, oh, yeah, we re talking about two entirely different things.
7
SPEAKER_02
It says a seven-speed dual-clutch trans.
7
SPEAKER_01
How about when you close the door and it just goes?
7
SPEAKER_02
It is, I hate to say it, man.
7
SPEAKER_02
They know what they re doing.
7
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God.
7
SPEAKER_01
And this is not taking anything away from Cadillac.
7
SPEAKER_01
It s a great car.
7
SPEAKER_01
When I first had the wherewithal to buy a car and I was like, maybe I want a Cadillac.
7
SPEAKER_01
They just released those CRV, CTVs, whatever they were, that new kind of angular thing.
7
SPEAKER_01
I was like, it s kind of cool.
7
SPEAKER_01
cool-looking.
7
SPEAKER_01
They re fast, they got big V8 in them.
7
SPEAKER_01
I m like, yeah man, this feeling like I want to drive some Detroit Steel.
7
SPEAKER_01
And it s a great car.
7
SPEAKER_01
Very reliable in a way that, fair in love and war, American cars were not for a fairly long chunk.
7
SPEAKER_02
They had a rough patch.
7
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, 70 to about 92.
7
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I drove one of those.
7
SPEAKER_01
I was like, damn, I like this.
7
SPEAKER_01
And then I was kind of like fiddling with the buttons and everything.
7
SPEAKER_01
I was like, it feels like a kind of weird button.
7
SPEAKER_01
And at the end of the day, I did not buy a Cadillac.
7
SPEAKER_00
I got her a C. Now I m like, oh, I get it.
7
SPEAKER_00
I get the car thing.
7
SPEAKER_02
As Lisa Bonet taught us, it s a different world.
7
SPEAKER_02
She was my number one.
7
SPEAKER_02
There s never been a more beautiful human on planet Earth.
7
SPEAKER_01
And then I actually ran into her in person and was like, oh my God, this does not break down.
7
SPEAKER_01
No, it delivers.
7
SPEAKER_01
How are you and Lenny Kravitz?
7
SPEAKER_01
And then your daughter is the third most beautiful person in the world.
7
SPEAKER_02
I want to be there Christmas morning.
7
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, we were one time at a party.
7
SPEAKER_02
She was there.
7
SPEAKER_02
I just told her like, you re my number one of all time.
7
SPEAKER_02
And there was a dance floor.
7
SPEAKER_02
And I said to Chris, I m like, I would love to just dance with her.
7
SPEAKER_02
Can I?
7
SPEAKER_02
And she s like, you go, you go crazy.
7
SPEAKER_02
And I spent two hours dancing with her.
7
SPEAKER_02
And I was like, Oh mama, she ain t falling for you.
7
SPEAKER_02
So you go for it.
7
SPEAKER_02
She s good.
7
SPEAKER_02
Take as many shots as you would like.
7
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, but the Mercedes thing, I have a couple friends that are also on Family Guy.
7
SPEAKER_02
And this is one of these things, it s like year 28, it just keeps going.
7
SPEAKER_02
It s just the most beautiful safety net, isn t it?
7
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it s an annuity.
7
SPEAKER_01
It s great.
7
SPEAKER_01
I also like it.
7
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
7
SPEAKER_01
I very much enjoy doing it.
7
SPEAKER_01
I did it yesterday.
7
SPEAKER_01
Inevitably, you re talking to people that aren t in the room.
7
SPEAKER_01
How are you doing in there?
7
SPEAKER_01
And it s people you don t know or a new team on the account.
7
SPEAKER_01
And you go, I ll do it 100 times.
7
SPEAKER_01
I don t care.
7
SPEAKER_02
I love it.
7
SPEAKER_02
Have you been invited to an f1 race as one of their guys have I went to the one in Monaco?
7
SPEAKER_01
Face time with Lewis.
7
SPEAKER_01
Did you get the full platinum package?
7
SPEAKER_01
Yes, I did.
7
SPEAKER_01
I don t care about flying planes But I sure would like to drive one.
7
SPEAKER_01
Oh, yeah.
7
SPEAKER_01
Yeah downforce versus lift.
7
SPEAKER_01
Talk about a different animal I love driving.
7
SPEAKER_01
That s not driving.
7
SPEAKER_01
That s something else and
7
SPEAKER_01
just to feel it once.
7
SPEAKER_01
They re not going to let me drive a $2.4 million car and literally hit the accelerator and smash it into the thing.
7
SPEAKER_02
Sorry.
7
SPEAKER_02
Send me the bill.
7
SPEAKER_01
Please don t send me the bill.
7
SPEAKER_01
I don t think it s going to be a minute.
7
SPEAKER_02
Well, the budget of that team is $400 million.
7
SPEAKER_01
So yeah, I think 2.4 is very light.
7
SPEAKER_01
So I got to walk through the garage and the paddock and everything.
7
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, oh my God, this is a military operation.
7
SPEAKER_01
It s NASA.
7
SPEAKER_01
And it packs up into 12
7
SPEAKER_01
big rigs and then drives to the next place and they unpack and it s one of 10 teams.
7
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, they have the best aerodynamicists in the world, better than the ones at NASA.
7
SPEAKER_01
They can do real-time adjustments.
7
SPEAKER_01
All the telemetrics and all the stuff go to Germany, where there s a team of people crunching numbers.
7
SPEAKER_01
From the test lap, they ll go, okay, change the wing and then 3D print this thing and then screw that in there and then do it and they change it.
7
SPEAKER_01
It s mind-bending.
7
SPEAKER_02
Yes, the specificity and how meticulous and tedious every part of it is, is mind-blowing.
7
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, when you get up close and you see the arrow, from TV, it looks impressive.
7
SPEAKER_02
You get close and you re like, oh, there s 3,000 different little wings on this thing.
7
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, and I could pick up that car with my fingertips.
7
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
7
SPEAKER_02
Red Bull sent one over for me to have a viewing party, and it didn t have the motor in it, and I did.
7
SPEAKER_02
I picked it up to spin it around.
7
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, if it doesn t have the engine in it, it s nothing.
7
SPEAKER_02
It s a piece of carbon fiber.
7
SPEAKER_02
Oh, John, this was great.
7
SPEAKER_02
I really appreciate you coming.
7
SPEAKER_02
The last thing I want to say is I feel like we both have equal and matching enthusiasm about the sphere.
7
SPEAKER_02
And again, I have no association with the sphere, but I got to say it s about the most mind-bending experience I ve had off of it.
7
SPEAKER_01
At some point it looked over and was talking to somebody and being like, I wonder if this is
7
SPEAKER_01
better or worse or equal or different on drugs because I wasn t on drugs, but it felt like I kind of was.
7
SPEAKER_01
I want to see this like three more times because I feel like I wasn t looking at the right spot at a certain point that I missed something.
7
SPEAKER_01
And also the set that you two played was so good.
7
SPEAKER_02
It felt like going to see a concert in the future.
7
SPEAKER_02
A thousand percent.
7
SPEAKER_02
I text a friend who had posted and I said, if you were there on shrooms, do you think your head would explode?
7
SPEAKER_01
And he said I was on shrooms my head didn t explode and now I m just thinking like what the fuck was his experience I didn t know that they did this or had this they do have like a quiet room They do in the place to read I think more than one Hey, if you need a little moment, I remember Goldeneye there was a video game.
7
SPEAKER_01
I think it was on PlayStation or something.
7
SPEAKER_01
It was a
7
SPEAKER_01
Fully first-person shooter was one of the first times and I got like seasick playing it sure cuz the screen was big enough And it was HD and I was like this is too much for me drama mean to play that game I definitely do yeah, and I felt like some people get a little too absorbed in it and need to take a little break Yes
7
SPEAKER_02
coupled with the fact that many people are fucked up there.
7
SPEAKER_02
There was a couple next to us.
7
SPEAKER_02
That s why I missed half the shit.
7
SPEAKER_02
There was two people that were clearly rolling on MDMA and they were fucking making out in a way that you haven t even seen at a junior high dance.
7
SPEAKER_02
I mean, I was like, these two are so weird.
7
SPEAKER_01
They re the only two people at this concert.
7
SPEAKER_02
I m like, they re definitely gonna fuck standing up and I m not gonna miss that.
7
SPEAKER_02
I don t care what happens to Bono.
7
SPEAKER_01
Oh, these guys are bono-ing pretty soon.
7
SPEAKER_01
Bono-ing going.
7
SPEAKER_01
Oh, that you can leave behind.
7
SPEAKER_01
You could say anything in that voice.
7
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
7
SPEAKER_02
The streets have no name.
7
SPEAKER_02
It is a beautiful day.
7
SPEAKER_02
John, this was so fun.
7
SPEAKER_02
I really appreciate you coming.
7
SPEAKER_02
Thank you for having me.
7
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, we didn t like get nitty gritty with Fargo, but we had Juno yesterday and we had Noah and we got very nitty gritty on both of those.
7
SPEAKER_00
It s a whole Fargo week.
7
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
7
SPEAKER_01
I love a Fargo week.
7
SPEAKER_01
There s a lot for those that haven t seen it that are listening.
7
SPEAKER_01
Take a look.
7
SPEAKER_01
It s enjoyable.
7
SPEAKER_01
And for those that haven t seen the previous seasons of it, it s also pretty fun.
7
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
7
SPEAKER_02
What s most important for people to know is like, you do not need to have seen any of it.
7
SPEAKER_02
It s completely standalone, but I do believe if you watch this season five, you will be irresistibly drawn to see.
7
SPEAKER_01
I was pleased to be enshrined in the pantheon of excellent bad guys that they have because Billy Bob s Lorne Malvo, which is a great name.
7
SPEAKER_02
Is that the dude who was picking his teeth?
7
SPEAKER_01
No, that was David Thewlis  V.I.
7
SPEAKER_01
Varga, I think.
7
SPEAKER_01
Wow, that was intense when he picked his teeth.
7
SPEAKER_01
Super good bad guys.
7
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, where you re like, I don t like this.
7
SPEAKER_01
I know.
7
SPEAKER_01
Eating that weird pudding or whatever it was.
7
SPEAKER_01
It s just so specific and weird.
7
SPEAKER_02
Did you get any, well yeah, you had scenes with him, the Swede.
7
SPEAKER_01
An amazing actor named Sam Spruill.
7
SPEAKER_01
And what s his real life persona like?
7
SPEAKER_01
And he s a great guy.
7
SPEAKER_01
Another thing that Fargo does so well, it sort of really delves into the supernatural and picks out this thing.
7
SPEAKER_01
He s been alive for 500 years.
7
SPEAKER_01
But it works!
7
SPEAKER_00
It s so weird, it doesn t take you out.
7
SPEAKER_01
It s so specific and weird, and you go, yeah, maybe there is a guy whose job it is is to absorb other people s sins, and that s what keeps him alive throughout the millennia, and you re like, ugh, that s just terrifying.
7
SPEAKER_02
I don t like that at all.
7
SPEAKER_02
Another favorite line of that show this season was him going, I m going out, Mom.
7
SPEAKER_02
Mom, I m going out.
7
SPEAKER_02
He s also calling that a lady mom.
7
SPEAKER_00
That is very endearing.
8
SPEAKER_01
Fucking off the charts.
8
SPEAKER_01
Man, does he juggle a bunch of different tones and it all works?
8
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
8
SPEAKER_02
And so do the Coens.
8
SPEAKER_02
I mean, that s really what the shared DNA is.
8
SPEAKER_02
The radical humor in scary and weird moments.
8
SPEAKER_02
You look through their whole canon of work.
8
SPEAKER_02
You look at the Big Lebowski, which is a comedy on the face of it, but it s comedy is so sideways.
8
SPEAKER_02
You know, it comes out of hilarious characters.
8
SPEAKER_01
Well, it s rooted in what, and this is not my saying, this is Todd Phillips.
8
SPEAKER_01
I heard him in an interview and I was like, ah, he just nailed exactly what I think about comedy.
8
SPEAKER_01
He said for him, if comedy s not dangerous, it s not funny.
8
SPEAKER_01
I just think like, I need to be a bit scared to really enjoy it.
8
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, there s a lot to say for that.
8
SPEAKER_01
John, John, John.
8
SPEAKER_01
We did it.
8
SPEAKER_01
A neighbor, a friend, an incredible actor.
8
SPEAKER_01
Easiest commute I ve ever had and I was still late.
8
SPEAKER_01
That s what happens the closer you are.
8
SPEAKER_01
Don t you agree I m the latest when I m closest?
8
SPEAKER_01
I think some of that is.
8
SPEAKER_02
Because I was going to ride my bike here, and then I was like, eh, do I really?
8
SPEAKER_02
And then I had the dog, and I was like, oh.
8
SPEAKER_01
I ll just be late.
8
SPEAKER_01
But I did say I was going to be late.
8
SPEAKER_01
You did.
8
SPEAKER_01
And that s all we ask.
8
SPEAKER_01
All right.
8
SPEAKER_01
Be well.
8
SPEAKER_01
Adore you.
8
SPEAKER_01
Thank you.
8
SPEAKER_01
Can t wait to bump into you again.
8
SPEAKER_01
We ll see you in the neighborhood.
8
SPEAKER_01
Bye.
8
SPEAKER_01
Bye.
8
SPEAKER_01
Stay tuned for the fact check so you can hear all the facts that were wrong.
8
SPEAKER_01
It s kind of like that thing you and I ve talked about in the past.
8
SPEAKER_01
It shocks me you don t do this because we re so similar, but how I would stare in the mirror and embarrass myself.
8
SPEAKER_00
Okay, I did it the other day.
8
SPEAKER_00
No, how could you not update me on this?
8
SPEAKER_00
I didn t stare, I didn t stare, but I was just like doing something gross.
8
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, cool stuff.
8
SPEAKER_00
And I then was like, oh, this is sort of what he s talking about.
8
SPEAKER_00
I do it all the time.
8
SPEAKER_01
Okay, great.
8
SPEAKER_00
But because I m by myself, I live by myself, I m single.
8
SPEAKER_01
Yes, you re a single.
8
SPEAKER_00
I don t really notice how often it s happening, because I just live like that.
8
SPEAKER_01
Right.
8
SPEAKER_01
But I still do it a ton and I live with people because I m never with anyone when I m in the mirror.
8
SPEAKER_00
I think you might notice it more when you re doing that because you aren t doing it with other people around in your house.
8
SPEAKER_00
You re doing it when you have like stolen time.
8
SPEAKER_00
My whole life is stolen time.
8
SPEAKER_01
Sure, but mostly it s just any time I m in front of a mirror, I get this impulse to embarrass myself.
8
SPEAKER_01
And so it was just happening where I was like really enjoying how embarrassing I could be.
8
SPEAKER_01
We just had a guest that s young and I had joked many times that I want to get invited over to their house for like wine night.
8
SPEAKER_01
this whole fantasy I have about.
8
SPEAKER_01
I don t know what they do, but anyways, I was gonna walk into this party if they do invite me, and I was gonna walk in and go, Hollywood!
8
SPEAKER_01
And I don t even know why, I just know that would be so embarrassing at my age.
8
SPEAKER_00
Just like, Hollywood!
8
SPEAKER_00
It would be, it really would be.
8
SPEAKER_01
Taylor Swift, where my Swifties?
8
SPEAKER_01
As soon as I walk in.
8
SPEAKER_00
Oh God, it s cause it s like a little wrong, right?
8
SPEAKER_00
That s why it s funny, cause it s, no.
8
SPEAKER_01
I m not getting it correct.
8
SPEAKER_00
You re not getting it right.
8
SPEAKER_00
Of course.
8
SPEAKER_01
But I like that feeling.
8
SPEAKER_00
Of embarrassing yourself.
8
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah, a lot.
8
SPEAKER_01
I m so glad you re doing it.
8
SPEAKER_01
What s your methodology?
8
SPEAKER_01
Do you like look at yourself in the mirror and go like... No, no, no, no, no, no.
8
SPEAKER_00
No, mine doesn t really happen in the mirror.
8
SPEAKER_01
Oh.
8
SPEAKER_00
I just...
8
SPEAKER_01
You start moving in a weird way.
8
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, like we ll move weird or I ll talk to myself and it s weird.
8
SPEAKER_00
Yes, yes.
8
SPEAKER_00
Or like voices.
8
SPEAKER_00
Can you do a voice?
8
SPEAKER_00
No.
8
SPEAKER_01
I really need some.
8
SPEAKER_00
No one will ever see it.
8
SPEAKER_01
Closed circuits camera of your living room.
8
SPEAKER_00
Well you already have one, that s how you.
8
SPEAKER_01
That s how I knew about Xantham gum.
8
SPEAKER_00
That s right.
8
SPEAKER_01
Hollywood, what s up everybody, Swifties.
8
SPEAKER_01
I brought wine.
8
SPEAKER_01
Like I think wine is so.
8
SPEAKER_00
I know you think it s so young.
8
SPEAKER_00
It s so weird because wine.
8
SPEAKER_01
Was an old people thing but I do feel like young people because Nina has a wine company.
8
SPEAKER_00
Okay, it s all based on Nina?
8
SPEAKER_01
Mostly, probably.
8
SPEAKER_00
Nina, don t rush.
8
SPEAKER_01
You drink wine like a motherfucker.
8
SPEAKER_00
I m not young.
8
SPEAKER_01
You are, and you were even younger when you were drinking your wine.
8
SPEAKER_01
I think young people do it to feel mature.
8
SPEAKER_00
Actually, that is true.
8
SPEAKER_00
In college, we sometimes drank wine sometimes, and it was to be advanced.
8
SPEAKER_01
That s right, to be mature.
8
SPEAKER_00
To be mature.
8
SPEAKER_00
Now I am mature, so now it s just.
8
SPEAKER_01
I just need this wine to get through the day.
8
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, that s right.
8
SPEAKER_01
And do you find that you re doing these weird activities more or less when you have a little buzz?
8
SPEAKER_01
How does a buzz affect your like in the house routine?
8
SPEAKER_01
So I think mine got crazy.
8
SPEAKER_00
That s a great question.
8
SPEAKER_01
If I was getting like tipsy, I would just start getting so silly by myself.
8
SPEAKER_00
So weird, so weird.
8
SPEAKER_00
I m sure it gets worse.
8
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I ve never thought about that.
8
SPEAKER_00
But I do it sober all the time too.
8
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, same.
8
SPEAKER_00
I feel like no one really even knows me.
8
SPEAKER_01
Isn t that how we all feel?
8
SPEAKER_01
We re all waiting for someone to see us.
8
SPEAKER_00
No, no, I don t want anyone to see.
8
SPEAKER_01
Oh, okay.
8
SPEAKER_00
I don t want anyone to see these parts.
8
SPEAKER_01
Isn t the desire that someone would really know you?
8
SPEAKER_01
Nope.
8
SPEAKER_01
No way, too risque.
8
SPEAKER_00
These parts of me are mine only.
8
SPEAKER_00
Not nobody knows me, that s a joke.
8
SPEAKER_00
There are parts that nobody has seen, that is true.
8
SPEAKER_01
Even Callie?
8
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
8
SPEAKER_01
So that saddens me as your best buddy because what I love about Aaron and I is that we live in almost exclusively the zone that makes us embarrassed in the mirror.
8
SPEAKER_01
And that s the great joy of the friendship is like us in the motor home before the family got there, how weird the songs we re singing are, they re just insane.
8
SPEAKER_01
And they re getting weirder and weirder and weirder and we re getting weirder and weirder.
8
SPEAKER_01
feel so unconditionally loved that I m at my, the version of myself I would most hide from people, I am like almost exclusively that way around Erin.
8
SPEAKER_01
And that s the big appeal of the friendship.
8
SPEAKER_01
So I know how I feel having Erin s unconditional love that way.
8
SPEAKER_01
And so as your buddy, of course, I want you to do this weird stuff in front of me so that you would know like, oh yeah, zero impact, in fact, like you more.
8
SPEAKER_00
I know, but it s not about anyone liking me more or less, and I do have unconditional love from her, for sure.
8
SPEAKER_00
I don t think it s at risk if I do that.
8
SPEAKER_00
I just, it s just for me.
8
SPEAKER_01
It s for you, your private time.
8
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it s not that I feel like the friendship has anything to do with that.
8
SPEAKER_01
Uh-huh, that makes sense.
8
SPEAKER_00
It s just for me, some things are just for me in this life.
8
SPEAKER_01
Still very much wanna see them all.
8
SPEAKER_00
I imagine you wanna see them more now that you know that nobody can see them.
8
SPEAKER_01
Probably, yeah.
8
SPEAKER_01
Do you wanna see all my weird mirror stuff?
8
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I think I have.
8
SPEAKER_01
You see a lot?
8
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
8
SPEAKER_00
I don t think you re as, yeah, with your mirror stuff.
8
SPEAKER_01
Too late, I m running out of time.
8
SPEAKER_00
Don t say that, knock on wood.
8
SPEAKER_01
Knock, knock, knock.
8
SPEAKER_01
I don t like that.
8
SPEAKER_00
I don t like that at all.
8
SPEAKER_01
But if I can t, if I m not gonna be myself,
8
SPEAKER_01
If I don t do it now, we re running out of time.
8
SPEAKER_00
Okay, okay, here s the other thing.
8
SPEAKER_00
It s not like the self you know is different than that self.
8
SPEAKER_00
It s just that part s not in this relationship.
8
SPEAKER_00
Does that make sense?
8
SPEAKER_00
It s not like I m actively holding it back.
8
SPEAKER_01
Well, certainly you are.
8
SPEAKER_00
No, I m not.
8
SPEAKER_01
Like if you had the impulse as walking through my living room to go like, ooh, like do something really fucking weird.
8
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
8
SPEAKER_01
You would stop yourself.
8
SPEAKER_00
Of course.
8
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
8
SPEAKER_00
But I would never have that impulse.
8
SPEAKER_01
Oh, it doesn t just hit you sometimes?
8
SPEAKER_00
No, I would never have that impulse with anyone around.
8
SPEAKER_00
Like it s not something I m like, oh, I m gonna be crazy, I can t.
8
SPEAKER_00
I can t keep a lid on it.
8
SPEAKER_00
No, if it did hit me,
8
SPEAKER_01
I would do it, but it s never hit.
8
SPEAKER_00
It s never hit.
8
SPEAKER_01
It s different.
8
SPEAKER_00
It s different when you re by yourself.
8
SPEAKER_00
You have an interesting relationship to embarrassment, though.
8
SPEAKER_01
I do, yeah, yeah.
8
SPEAKER_00
You don t hate embarrassment as much as me.
8
SPEAKER_01
For sure.
8
SPEAKER_01
It s almost a kink of mine.
8
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, you get off on it.
8
SPEAKER_01
I like it a lot, yeah.
8
SPEAKER_01
It s so embarrassing.
8
SPEAKER_01
It s funny, the only word I can come up with that explains it is it s so embarrassing.
8
SPEAKER_01
It just gives me the giddy, like it s so, you feel so naked.
8
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
8
SPEAKER_01
and it s such a unique feeling.
8
SPEAKER_00
Yes, but I wanna bring something up.
8
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
8
SPEAKER_00
I think we have a different relationship to embarrassment in the conventional sense of tripping and falling or, you know.
8
SPEAKER_00
Having a booger on your face.
8
SPEAKER_00
Farting on a guest.
8
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
8
SPEAKER_00
But the true embarrassment in life is when you like feel stupid.
8
SPEAKER_00
Like that s what it all is, right?
8
SPEAKER_00
It s like when you feel stupid.
8
SPEAKER_00
You don t feel stupid when you trip and fall.
8
SPEAKER_00
You feel embarrassed, like you re like, oh my God, this, I got caught.
8
SPEAKER_01
I do.
8
SPEAKER_01
My explanation is an older brother.
8
SPEAKER_00
No, but you don t like feeling stupid, intellectually.
8
SPEAKER_00
You don t like it.
8
SPEAKER_01
No, I don t.
8
SPEAKER_00
I don t think you do.
9
SPEAKER_03
well feeling like you are.
9
SPEAKER_02
I get angry.
9
SPEAKER_03
Exactly.
9
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, not embarrassed.
9
SPEAKER_03
But I think it s out of embarrassment you get that type of embarrassment, intellectual embarrassment.
9
SPEAKER_03
get angry, just like I get emotional.
9
SPEAKER_02
Okay, so I do know what you re talking about, and I can think of a specific moment where it was like I hated this feeling, and it was when I was directing Parenthood.
9
SPEAKER_02
And I d already directed a bunch, so I felt confident as a director.
9
SPEAKER_02
But of course, it s a much different dynamic, because you re appeasing the writers and the producers when you re directing a TV show.
9
SPEAKER_02
You re not actually the boss as a director on a TV show.
9
SPEAKER_02
And so,
9
SPEAKER_02
this thing was happening in a scene.
9
SPEAKER_02
And let s add, it s not like they know how good of a director I am or am not.
9
SPEAKER_02
And they re all there to help anytime one of the actors would direct an episode.
9
SPEAKER_02
So it was like this little tiny thing that needed some figuring out, as always happens.
9
SPEAKER_02
And I probably needed about five minutes to think about it, and I would have been delighted.
9
SPEAKER_02
But people started coming, and I could feel that they thought they were bailing me out.
9
SPEAKER_02
And I was getting this very panicked feeling that was really all-encompassing.
9
SPEAKER_02
Like, oh my God, no, I know what I m doing.
9
SPEAKER_02
Like, that was an embarrassment.
9
SPEAKER_02
And it was all consuming in a way, well, then it was a thing.
9
SPEAKER_02
Then I really needed about 10 minutes to get away from everyone to figure out what I wanted to do with this thing.
9
SPEAKER_02
It took over.
9
SPEAKER_02
And I was like, oh my God, I m melting down right now because they ve,
9
SPEAKER_02
They ve made me, I am feeling insecure because of their kindness, whatever.
9
SPEAKER_02
And yeah, that got overwhelming.
9
SPEAKER_02
That s kind of the last memory I have of that.
9
SPEAKER_02
But it s funny, I see, Delta doesn t have it.
9
SPEAKER_02
She has a different thing, which is something I don t mind, right?
9
SPEAKER_02
Hers is never about a lack of competence.
9
SPEAKER_02
That s not what she gets embarrassed about.
9
SPEAKER_02
She gets embarrassed like when you repeat what she says or these certain things.
9
SPEAKER_03
But it s, she feels embarrassed.
9
SPEAKER_02
For sure.
9
SPEAKER_03
Which is why, and she gets angry.
9
SPEAKER_02
Yep.
9
SPEAKER_03
That s her response.
9
SPEAKER_02
But Lincoln s, I always see, the way Lincoln gets embarrassed is identical to how I do, and I see how absolutely all-consuming it is, and how she can t think in it.
9
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
9
SPEAKER_02
And it s always triggered by the same thing that triggers me, which is like, someone thinks I m incompetent.
9
SPEAKER_02
That s never what Delta s is, it s not really about competence.
9
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, it s a weird.
9
SPEAKER_02
It s such a powerful feeling.
9
SPEAKER_02
It is.
9
SPEAKER_02
It s so unique.
9
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, I hate it.
9
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
9
SPEAKER_02
I really hate it.
9
SPEAKER_02
Except for when you re in your apartment.
9
SPEAKER_03
I ve not embarrassed them.
9
SPEAKER_02
Oh.
9
SPEAKER_03
It s only embarrassing.
9
SPEAKER_02
And when you think about someone observing you doing it.
9
SPEAKER_03
Like I m trying to think of a time I was embarrassed and I liked it.
9
SPEAKER_03
A true sense of embarrassment.
9
SPEAKER_02
Literally never.
9
SPEAKER_02
So clearly you re getting weird in your apartment.
9
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, but I m not embarrassed by it.
9
SPEAKER_02
I know, but then it crosses your mind, what if someone walked in right now and saw that and you get the little shock.
9
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, I m just like, oh.
9
SPEAKER_02
So you are by yourself and you get that shock of embarrassment.
9
SPEAKER_02
Do you enjoy it then?
9
SPEAKER_03
Well, I don t enjoy it.
9
SPEAKER_03
I just think like, oh God, I m weird.
9
SPEAKER_02
Yes, yes, yes.
9
SPEAKER_02
I like weird people.
9
SPEAKER_02
And that s fine.
9
SPEAKER_03
I don t feel like, oh no, I m weird.
9
SPEAKER_03
It s just a reminder like, oh yeah, I m fucking weird.
9
SPEAKER_02
The cornerstone of some of my really good friendships growing up were finding another boy who was willing to get so weird and make really weird faces.
9
SPEAKER_03
I agree.
9
SPEAKER_03
When I was young, I was a lot,
9
SPEAKER_03
I was a lot more open with my weirdness, my freak flag.
9
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, it s very sad that we all.
9
SPEAKER_03
I know, it gets extinguished a bit.
9
SPEAKER_02
Colin Garlack was the kid who he and I would sit.
9
SPEAKER_03
What a name.
9
SPEAKER_02
I know, now he goes by Cole, I should call him Cole, but when this story takes place, he was Colin.
9
SPEAKER_02
In fact, he had an elementary school teacher tell him, that s not your name, your name is Colin.
9
SPEAKER_02
But he and I would get in the back of his trailer and we would just make faces and weird noises and we would freak out together.
9
SPEAKER_03
It was so comforting.
9
SPEAKER_03
I was so hyper and with hyperactivity comes weirdness and I m not hyper anymore.
9
SPEAKER_03
The other day or maybe when I thought of it yesterday, whenever this happened, I was feeling a little bit hyper
9
SPEAKER_02
Right, I ve seen you hyper several times.
9
SPEAKER_03
I like it, I miss that feeling.
9
SPEAKER_03
I used to be so hyper and I was so fun when I was hyper.
9
SPEAKER_02
Right, playful, playful, playful.
9
SPEAKER_03
I was very playful.
9
SPEAKER_02
Have you seen, so Lincoln and I have the friendship that.
9
SPEAKER_02
Colin and I had, have you ever seen it?
9
SPEAKER_02
Like we ll start making faces at each other and it can go on for 20 minutes and we re making the ugliest, we re trying to make the ugliest sounds and faces and we do it together and it s so fun and it does bring me back.
9
SPEAKER_03
That is nice.
9
SPEAKER_02
To a simpler time.
9
SPEAKER_03
Sometimes Delta, Delta gets very hyper.
9
SPEAKER_02
Yo, God, yeah.
9
SPEAKER_03
And I really understand it when she s in that space.
9
SPEAKER_03
I remember it so viscerally.
9
SPEAKER_03
Remember I used to lick my grandma?
9
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
9
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
9
SPEAKER_03
Because I was so hyper.
9
SPEAKER_02
You d lick her everywhere.
9
SPEAKER_02
I did.
9
SPEAKER_03
I was just, I need to get energy out.
9
SPEAKER_02
I need to get freaky with you.
9
SPEAKER_02
Remember that song?
9
SPEAKER_03
No.
9
SPEAKER_03
Who is it?
9
SPEAKER_02
It s like JJ and Jojo.
9
SPEAKER_03
Oh, Casey and Jojo?
9
SPEAKER_02
Something like that.
9
SPEAKER_02
I loved Casey and Jojo.
9
SPEAKER_02
I wanna get freaky with you.
9
SPEAKER_02
Rob will find it right now.
9
SPEAKER_02
Go ahead and find it.
9
SPEAKER_02
It s so easy to find.
9
SPEAKER_00
Silk, freak me.
9
SPEAKER_00
No.
9
SPEAKER_00
Because tonight, baby, I wanna get freaky with you.
9
SPEAKER_02
Hit play, let s see.
9
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I just.
9
SPEAKER_03
I gotta hear the chorus, but I know this song.
9
SPEAKER_02
I love when guys sing from the bottom of their mouth.
9
SPEAKER_01
Like they re declaring this deep recess of love.
9
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, that s it.
9
SPEAKER_01
I wanna get free.
9
SPEAKER_01
He s almost crying.
9
SPEAKER_01
He is.
9
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, he was.
9
SPEAKER_03
So emotional.
9
SPEAKER_03
I ve never heard it.
9
SPEAKER_03
Oh, you haven t?
9
SPEAKER_03
That was brand new for me.
9
SPEAKER_00
Silk, 1992.
9
SPEAKER_00
Boom.
9
SPEAKER_03
Well, okay, so here we are again, day two Fargo week.
9
SPEAKER_02
Yay.
9
SPEAKER_02
Yay.
9
SPEAKER_02
This to me rounded out the week beautifully.
9
SPEAKER_02
I m so glad we ended up getting him.
9
SPEAKER_03
Me too.
9
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
9
SPEAKER_03
Good job, you did that.
9
SPEAKER_02
Oh, thank you.
9
SPEAKER_02
Well, let s be honest, Jimmy Kimmel did that.
9
SPEAKER_02
Thank you, Jimmy Kimmel, you fucking best friend in the world.
9
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, good boy.
9
SPEAKER_02
Good boy, Jimmy Kimmel, best boy ever.
9
SPEAKER_03
Jimmy Kimmel comma best boy ever.
9
SPEAKER_02
Best boy award this year goes to, there should be a best boys award.
9
SPEAKER_03
Okay, let s give him out.
9
SPEAKER_02
Okay, Jimmy Kimmel.
9
SPEAKER_03
Well, he s the best boy.
9
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, he s the best.
9
SPEAKER_02
Mack, Mack s the best boy, Bill B.
9
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, Bilby, he s always the best boy.
9
SPEAKER_03
Okay, let s give out five best boy awards.
9
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
9
SPEAKER_03
Jimmy Kimmel, Max, I mean.
9
SPEAKER_02
Oh my god, Monica.
9
SPEAKER_02
Sorry.
9
SPEAKER_02
He s passed, you can t, you can t remember.
9
SPEAKER_03
It s not my fault he passed.
9
SPEAKER_02
You gotta respect him, he s passed.
9
SPEAKER_02
You can make that mistake while he s living, but not when he s passed.
9
SPEAKER_03
Okay, Mac the dog is number two.
9
SPEAKER_02
Right, so I ve thrown out two, you gotta throw one out.
9
SPEAKER_03
Okay, I think best boy award goes to Tony Hale.
9
SPEAKER_02
Oh, very good pick for best boy award.
9
SPEAKER_03
And we have two more slots.
9
SPEAKER_03
Rob, do you wanna pick one?
9
SPEAKER_03
It doesn t have to be a friend of the pod.
9
SPEAKER_03
Well, because Mac is not a friend of, I mean, he is.
9
SPEAKER_02
He s the heart and soul of this pod.
9
SPEAKER_03
You almost fired me for saying that.
9
SPEAKER_03
Max.
9
SPEAKER_02
What a pedestrian name.
9
SPEAKER_03
Hey, hey, hey.
9
SPEAKER_02
I m teasing, like Mac is so elevated.
9
SPEAKER_03
And also, it rhymes with your name.
9
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, and your sister s husband.
9
SPEAKER_03
That s right.
9
SPEAKER_02
Your sister husband.
9
SPEAKER_02
What if Rob was typing in best boy?
9
SPEAKER_02
I know, I totally see it.
9
SPEAKER_02
Who is the best boy?
9
SPEAKER_02
Actually, type in who is the best boy and see.
9
SPEAKER_02
No, okay.
9
SPEAKER_02
He can t use one, but I am curious what the internet thinks.
9
SPEAKER_02
I was gonna say Nicholas Holt.
9
SPEAKER_03
Oh, interesting pick.
9
SPEAKER_00
Best boy.
9
SPEAKER_03
It s very revealing who we pick as best boys.
9
SPEAKER_00
Yes, it is.
9
SPEAKER_00
Best boy or just getting a job description.
9
SPEAKER_02
All right, that s the name.
9
SPEAKER_02
That s the title on a movie set.
9
SPEAKER_03
Ding ding ding.
9
SPEAKER_03
John Hamm has been in movies.
9
SPEAKER_00
Or Rami, I ll change mine to Rami, actually.
9
SPEAKER_00
Rami is definitely a best boy.
9
SPEAKER_03
Sorry, Nicholas Holt.
9
SPEAKER_03
I love Nicholas Holt.
9
SPEAKER_00
He s just too tall.
9
SPEAKER_00
He s too tall to be a best boy, I think.
9
SPEAKER_00
He s too sexual.
9
SPEAKER_03
He s very sexy.
9
SPEAKER_03
Not that Tony Ho s not sexy or Jimmy, but yeah, I agree.
9
SPEAKER_02
There s too much hunger.
9
SPEAKER_03
Nicholas Holt is... Sexy.
9
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, so he s not... Oh my God, I m confusing...
9
SPEAKER_02
I agree with that much more than I thought.
9
SPEAKER_02
I got confused.
9
SPEAKER_02
Nick Braun, you were thinking?
9
SPEAKER_02
I was.
9
SPEAKER_00
That s a weird pick for Best Boy.
9
SPEAKER_03
That s a weird pick.
9
SPEAKER_03
Nicholas Holt s a weird pick.
9
SPEAKER_03
He s like a sexy model.
9
SPEAKER_00
I know, but he s so nice and kind of like- Yeah, that s kind of- Like shockingly- I don t think he is.
9
SPEAKER_00
Oh, really?
9
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
9
SPEAKER_00
He s a freak, you think?
9
SPEAKER_03
He dated Jennifer Lawrence.
9
SPEAKER_03
That s- I wanna get freaky with you.
10
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, he does.
10
SPEAKER_01
You want more of like a Daniel Riccardo type.
10
SPEAKER_00
Danny s not the best boy.
10
SPEAKER_00
He s mischievous.
10
SPEAKER_00
He s such a, he s a rascal.
10
SPEAKER_01
He s a rascal, but he is the best boy too.
10
SPEAKER_00
Well, we love him.
10
SPEAKER_00
Okay, let s be.
10
SPEAKER_00
Just because you re not the best boy doesn t mean we don t love you so much.
10
SPEAKER_00
I might love you more than I love the best boys.
10
SPEAKER_01
But not more than Jimmy, we love him the most.
10
SPEAKER_00
Okay, I love Jimmy the most and he s the best boy.
10
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
10
SPEAKER_00
But he s the only one I love the most and is the best boy.
10
SPEAKER_01
We need to get something made.
10
SPEAKER_01
Rob, you re great at this.
10
SPEAKER_01
I hate to delegate this.
10
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, but you know he gives so many presents and he s so good at it.
10
SPEAKER_01
We should make him a best boy award.
10
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God, that would be great.
10
SPEAKER_01
Jimmy Kimmel best best boy award goes speaking about you have to work on that chart about a party party I ve got all the data.
10
SPEAKER_01
I just need to figure out now a pie.
10
SPEAKER_00
It needs to be like a wheel.
10
SPEAKER_00
I know
10
SPEAKER_00
Okay, anyway, we have one left.
10
SPEAKER_00
I like Rami.
10
SPEAKER_01
That s a really good one, I love it.
10
SPEAKER_01
I definitely agree with Rami.
10
SPEAKER_00
Now we have to all agree on the last one.
10
SPEAKER_00
That was Rami Youssef for people who don t know him.
10
SPEAKER_01
Are trying to keep up to speed.
10
SPEAKER_01
People that haven t seen any movies.
10
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
10
SPEAKER_00
Although, can I, I wanna, sorry.
10
SPEAKER_00
I m poking a hole in Rami.
10
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
10
SPEAKER_00
I love him.
10
SPEAKER_00
I think he s,
10
SPEAKER_00
I don t know how to play this game because it feels like I m going to insult someone.
10
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
10
SPEAKER_01
Yep.
10
SPEAKER_01
Cause you know, this is the nature of award shows.
10
SPEAKER_01
There s more losers than there are winners.
10
SPEAKER_00
Well, no, I like, I might insult the best boys by saying what I m about to say.
10
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
10
SPEAKER_00
It s kind of what I just said about Nicholas Holt, like he s too sexy to be a best boy.
10
SPEAKER_00
That s like not nice to the best boy.
10
SPEAKER_00
Kimmel is hot.
10
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, he is.
10
SPEAKER_00
He s very sexy.
10
SPEAKER_01
He s a sex machine.
10
SPEAKER_01
Make him that a word.
10
SPEAKER_01
Sex machine.
10
SPEAKER_00
Um, I think Rami s too intellectual.
10
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
10
SPEAKER_01
Oh boy.
10
SPEAKER_01
I think that s a tricky metric to introduce to it.
10
SPEAKER_00
No, I m being serious.
10
SPEAKER_01
Best boy is a vibe.
10
SPEAKER_01
And innocent.
10
SPEAKER_00
There s something, like there s something.
10
SPEAKER_01
But Jimmy s not innocent, and yet he is the ultimate best boy.
10
SPEAKER_00
He s not innocent, but he s like kind.
10
SPEAKER_01
Thoughtful, pure.
10
SPEAKER_00
He s not pure, but there s a kindness to him.
10
SPEAKER_01
I would put Rob in the category for best boy.
10
SPEAKER_01
I would, yeah, yeah.
10
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God, you know who the ultimate best boy is?
10
SPEAKER_01
Matt Collins.
10
SPEAKER_01
He s such a best boy.
10
SPEAKER_01
Matt s a best boy, yeah.
10
100%.
10
SPEAKER_01
Like Josh Hutcherson?
10
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, he s a best boy.
10
SPEAKER_00
But Josh is... Freaky too.
10
SPEAKER_00
Spain.
10
SPEAKER_00
All right, so we have Jimmy number one.
10
SPEAKER_00
Mac.
10
SPEAKER_00
Mac.
10
SPEAKER_00
Dog.
10
SPEAKER_01
Bilby.
10
SPEAKER_00
Number two.
10
SPEAKER_00
Who d I say?
10
SPEAKER_01
Rami Youssef.
10
SPEAKER_01
You said, oh, Tony Hale.
10
SPEAKER_00
Tony Hale, Rami, and Matt Collins.
10
SPEAKER_01
Wow, what a group.
10
SPEAKER_01
What an all-star cast.
10
SPEAKER_00
And honorable mention Rob, but he can t be because he has to vote also.
10
SPEAKER_00
He s part of the voting committee.
10
SPEAKER_00
You can t vote for yourself.
10
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
10
SPEAKER_01
It s part of the rules.
10
SPEAKER_01
That makes sense.
10
SPEAKER_00
Okay, now who are the best girls?
10
SPEAKER_00
It s harder to do, don t you think?
10
SPEAKER_01
Well, Lincoln s a best girl for sure.
10
SPEAKER_00
We can t do family members.
10
SPEAKER_00
It s not only Mac.
10
SPEAKER_00
It s harder to do with girls.
10
SPEAKER_01
Well, because it s implicitly harder with girls because the category s best boys.
10
SPEAKER_01
So that or right out of the gates makes it a little challenging.
10
SPEAKER_01
Amy s a best boy.
10
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
10
SPEAKER_01
Amy s a big time best boy.
10
SPEAKER_00
Amy is a best boy.
10
SPEAKER_00
Okay, the top five women who are best boys.
10
SPEAKER_00
Amy Hansen.
10
SPEAKER_01
That s the category.
10
SPEAKER_01
She s like the Kimmel of the category.
10
SPEAKER_01
She s number one.
10
SPEAKER_00
You guys don t know well enough, Alison Kirksey is a best boy.
10
SPEAKER_00
Alison, Anthony s wife is 100% a best boy.
10
SPEAKER_01
Oh, that s nice.
10
SPEAKER_00
She s so a her and Amy are kindreds Amy Hansen There s a couple people that you don t know that I know through Kristen that are big-time best boy peachy Yes, she s a big-time best.
10
SPEAKER_00
He s a best boy.
10
SPEAKER_00
I think she listens.
10
SPEAKER_00
So shout out.
10
SPEAKER_01
Yeah peachy is a major best boy.
10
SPEAKER_01
Um
10
SPEAKER_01
And I would say that you might think she s too horny, which isn t a good complaint, but Ange Gromalius, Angie.
10
SPEAKER_01
Angie is not a best boy.
10
SPEAKER_01
She s an incredible best boy.
10
SPEAKER_00
I love her.
10
SPEAKER_01
I love her so much, but no way, no way.
10
SPEAKER_00
Who are people that people wouldn t know?
10
SPEAKER_01
Right, because they don t know Peachy.
10
SPEAKER_00
They don t know Peachy or Allison or Amy.
10
SPEAKER_00
Ange is not, I can t sign off.
10
SPEAKER_00
She s awesome, I love her.
10
SPEAKER_01
She s so sweet, that little voice.
10
SPEAKER_01
She has the sweetest voice of any person I ve ever heard.
10
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
10
SPEAKER_01
Should we call her so you can hear her voice?
10
SPEAKER_01
Minka Kelly?
10
SPEAKER_01
No.
10
SPEAKER_01
No.
10
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
10
SPEAKER_00
We need one more?
10
SPEAKER_00
No, two, we need five more.
10
SPEAKER_01
No, four more.
10
SPEAKER_01
We got a table.
10
SPEAKER_00
We have all the time in the world.
10
SPEAKER_01
Okay, okay.
10
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
10
SPEAKER_00
Who have we had on who s a best girl?
10
SPEAKER_00
We definitely have.
10
SPEAKER_00
Best boys are a little.
10
SPEAKER_01
Hufflepuff.
10
SPEAKER_00
Hufflepuff.
10
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, like pretty much everyone in the best boys are Hufflepuff.
10
SPEAKER_01
Except for Kimmel, he s definitely.
10
SPEAKER_01
This is like who s on first.
10
SPEAKER_00
Kimmel s a Hufflepuff.
10
SPEAKER_01
No.
10
SPEAKER_01
I think so.
10
SPEAKER_01
No, he s Grindledorf.
10
SPEAKER_00
You are not.
10
SPEAKER_00
Also, that s enough.
10
SPEAKER_01
You re Slytherin.
10
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
10
SPEAKER_00
You re Slytherin.
10
SPEAKER_00
100%, I just remembered, Rob is definitely not a best boy because he s so rascally.
10
SPEAKER_00
He would never qualify.
10
SPEAKER_01
He s so sweet, though.
10
SPEAKER_00
Incredible.
10
SPEAKER_00
Doesn t matter.
10
SPEAKER_00
Doesn t matter.
10
SPEAKER_00
That s a veneer, and underneath there s rascality.
10
SPEAKER_01
No, I would go the opposite.
10
SPEAKER_01
I would say, because he had to be a boy, he had to carve out some rascalliness to survive in Chicago, but really, he s a best boy.
10
SPEAKER_00
That s not how it works.
10
SPEAKER_00
It s not what s underneath.
10
SPEAKER_00
It s what s on the surface.
10
SPEAKER_00
It s what we see.
10
SPEAKER_01
It s my shield.
10
SPEAKER_00
It s your shield.
10
SPEAKER_00
Which, if you have a shield, you can t be a best boy.
10
SPEAKER_01
Mandy Moore.
10
SPEAKER_00
Oh, that s a good one.
10
SPEAKER_00
Really good.
10
SPEAKER_00
Loved Mandy.
10
SPEAKER_01
Yep, did it big time best boy.
10
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
10
SPEAKER_00
Okay, you wanna be done with this.
10
SPEAKER_00
Man.
10
SPEAKER_00
What?
10
SPEAKER_00
No, I was just like that was.
10
SPEAKER_01
Oh, that was a fun exercise.
10
SPEAKER_00
That was a very fun exercise.
10
SPEAKER_01
But remember when Jedediah was on talking about that a lot of gay men have best boy syndrome.
10
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
10
SPEAKER_01
So I just wanted to delineate, this is different than best boy syndrome.
10
SPEAKER_00
Definitely, it s just best boys because I don t think any gay men made the list which would be confusing if you thought we were talking about that best boy syndrome I wouldn t even say I wouldn t even say Matt Damon s a best boy as much as he s no He s my best boy, but he s not a best boy.
10
SPEAKER_01
No, he s got up.
10
SPEAKER_00
They can t be from New York potty mouth He s from Bob.
10
SPEAKER_01
I mean, but they can t be from the east
10
SPEAKER_01
Kimmel violates every single part of the best boy definition.
10
SPEAKER_01
Yeti is the ultimate best boy.
10
SPEAKER_00
Here we are again, Jon Hamm not a best boy, but a cool guy.
10
SPEAKER_01
A jock.
10
SPEAKER_01
Jimmy!
10
SPEAKER_00
Jimmy s a best boy and a cool guy.
10
SPEAKER_01
Big time.
10
SPEAKER_00
How s he doing this?
10
SPEAKER_01
He s a man of many talents and colors and facets.
10
SPEAKER_00
Okay, we got on this subject because Jimmy helped get John on.
10
SPEAKER_01
There we go, that s right.
10
SPEAKER_01
He single-handedly.
10
SPEAKER_00
Yes, because I went all the conventional routes.
10
SPEAKER_00
It was a no, no, no, no, no.
10
SPEAKER_01
And I had originally asked Kimmel
10
SPEAKER_01
while acknowledging this is very inappropriate, but if you would be comfortable giving me his number, the irony being, and then I explained why, and he s like, I ll text him first.
10
SPEAKER_01
And then my phone rings, and by God, it says Jon Hamm.
10
SPEAKER_01
He s already in my phone.
10
SPEAKER_01
So I went through all of that, and I had his number, but I did not remember having his number, so I didn t even look.
10
SPEAKER_01
I should look if Donald Glover s in my phone.
10
SPEAKER_01
You met him for the first time today, right?
10
SPEAKER_01
Yes, for the fifth and first time.
10
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
10
SPEAKER_01
I want to give people an update because I think people know how into him I am.
10
SPEAKER_01
I am texting with the Anderson Pack now.
10
SPEAKER_01
It s been a big development.
10
SPEAKER_00
Huge.
10
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
10
SPEAKER_01
And I m going to eat at his restaurant on Saturday.
10
SPEAKER_00
You are?
10
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
10
SPEAKER_00
I am proud of you or not proud.
10
SPEAKER_00
I m happy for you.
10
SPEAKER_01
Oh, thank you.
10
SPEAKER_00
But I m not proud.
10
SPEAKER_01
Good.
10
SPEAKER_00
All to say they were in the same boat as they were with Juno.
10
SPEAKER_00
We recorded with John today.
10
SPEAKER_00
Did you write any facts down, Rob?
10
SPEAKER_00
No, because you thought we were gonna do it tomorrow.
10
SPEAKER_00
Correct.
10
SPEAKER_00
Understandable.
10
SPEAKER_00
I thought, and there were some, so that s a bummer.
10
SPEAKER_00
There were?
10
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
10
SPEAKER_01
I wish you and I could disconnect our noses, like right from here to here.
10
SPEAKER_01
Clunk, like Mr. Potato Head, and switch noses.
10
SPEAKER_00
Why?
10
SPEAKER_01
It d be so fun to look at each other with each other s noses on ours.
10
SPEAKER_00
Do you think, I have a feeling if we did that, we d realize they re very similar.
10
SPEAKER_01
I m flattered.
10
SPEAKER_00
I think so.
10
SPEAKER_01
I think your nose is far more attractive than mine.
10
SPEAKER_00
No.
10
SPEAKER_00
I have a huge nose.
10
SPEAKER_00
We all know this.
10
SPEAKER_00
We all knows this.
11
SPEAKER_00
You do not have a huge nose.
11
SPEAKER_00
Yes, I do.
11
SPEAKER_00
But I have a huge nose.
11
SPEAKER_01
We have the same nose.
11
SPEAKER_00
I wonder if we switch noses and we d go, oh fuck, we were supposed to switch.
11
SPEAKER_00
That s what I m saying.
11
SPEAKER_00
But it d just be darker.
11
SPEAKER_00
Yours would look crazy.
11
SPEAKER_00
I think it d look crazier to have a white nose on a brown face than a brown nose on a white face.
11
SPEAKER_00
Because you could just think I didn t put sunblock on that and I was really tan, which does happen.
11
SPEAKER_00
My nose is so big it sucks in all the radiation.
11
SPEAKER_00
It gets much more tan than the rest of my face.
11
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
11
SPEAKER_00
But don t you think it would look crazy if you had a big, huge white nose on your face?
11
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it would.
11
SPEAKER_00
A little bit red.
11
SPEAKER_00
Red and white.
11
SPEAKER_00
Terrible skin.
11
SPEAKER_01
The coloring would be different.
11
SPEAKER_01
Oh, I wish we could do it, because I bet my nose would look not huge on your face, because my face is smaller.
11
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
11
SPEAKER_00
We should get someone to digitally do it.
11
SPEAKER_00
It s gotta be easy.
11
SPEAKER_01
My nose is big for my face, but it might not be big on your face.
11
SPEAKER_00
How about this?
11
SPEAKER_00
And I feel bad requesting this,
11
SPEAKER_00
But people do make art of us, and it s really good.
11
SPEAKER_00
It is.
11
SPEAKER_00
And we ve never requested, because that seems entitled.
11
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
11
SPEAKER_00
But I m throwing it out there.
11
SPEAKER_00
If you are someone that s making a painting of us, and you have the skill set, I would love to see a painting with our noses switched.
11
SPEAKER_01
And do you want the color?
11
SPEAKER_00
Yes, the color s got to be accurate.
11
SPEAKER_01
Oh, wow.
11
SPEAKER_00
Uh-huh.
11
SPEAKER_01
Just the nose.
11
SPEAKER_01
Any other pieces?
11
SPEAKER_00
No, we ll start with the nose, see how that goes.
11
SPEAKER_01
So they have to make a lot of paintings.
11
SPEAKER_01
Profile view?
11
SPEAKER_01
Oh, I hate my profile.
11
SPEAKER_00
Well, is that what you re gonna see?
11
SPEAKER_00
No, no, I m dead on.
11
SPEAKER_00
Dead on?
11
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
11
SPEAKER_00
I can do that in Photoshop.
11
SPEAKER_00
You think you could do that quite easily?
11
Yeah.
11
SPEAKER_00
Oh my gosh.
11
SPEAKER_00
I m very much looking forward to this.
11
SPEAKER_00
TBD, maybe we ll put this up on the episode.
11
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
11
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, people will be like, what?
11
SPEAKER_00
what happened to their face.
11
SPEAKER_00
The poor person who stopped listening because of Squatty Potty, they ll never be able to find out why it s there.
11
SPEAKER_01
Well, that s on them.
11
SPEAKER_01
That is the price you pay.
11
SPEAKER_01
It is sad when you see a baby, like this picture of me, her nose is so sweet looking.
11
SPEAKER_00
Same with me.
11
SPEAKER_00
If you look at me in junior high, you re like, that kid had a shot.
11
SPEAKER_00
Look at that cute little button nose with freckles all over it.
11
SPEAKER_00
My hair wasn t gray.
11
SPEAKER_00
A lot of things.
11
SPEAKER_00
My chin looked stronger.
11
SPEAKER_00
Lips were huge though.
11
SPEAKER_00
Lips were always huge.
11
SPEAKER_00
They only got smaller because my face got bigger, but this is the same size lips I ve had since I was eight years old.
11
SPEAKER_01
You always say your lips are big.
11
SPEAKER_00
They re big.
11
SPEAKER_01
But I don t think that.
11
SPEAKER_01
And maybe it s because you grew up with lips that were big, but now your face has grown into them.
11
SPEAKER_00
That s possible.
11
SPEAKER_00
Also, my father had a huge bottom lip.
11
SPEAKER_00
And so I think I was like conscious of his and then realizing I was getting it as well.
11
SPEAKER_01
Interesting.
11
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, and my lips are bigger than my brother s.
11
SPEAKER_00
I was known to have big, I have a big mouth and lips.
11
SPEAKER_00
This is really what the Zach Braff similarity is, is it s the mouths.
11
SPEAKER_01
Huh, is it?
11
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
11
SPEAKER_00
Rob Swisher.
11
SPEAKER_00
There s plenty of that on the internet.
11
SPEAKER_00
I don t know that we need to do any swabs.
11
SPEAKER_00
Well, I do have that face swap photo of Zach and I, and it is so confusing, man.
11
SPEAKER_00
It is fucking so weird.
11
SPEAKER_01
It is weird.
11
SPEAKER_01
I want to know someone who looks so much like me.
11
SPEAKER_00
Well, we may find that person here soon when we go back to the motherland.
11
SPEAKER_01
Oh, wow.
11
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
11
SPEAKER_01
I mean, all the Indian actresses I ve seen on TV,
11
SPEAKER_01
They don t look like me.
11
SPEAKER_01
Do you agree?
11
SPEAKER_01
Like, have you?
11
SPEAKER_00
Well, which of these many Indian actresses are you a member of?
11
SPEAKER_00
Mindy?
11
SPEAKER_01
Mindy.
11
SPEAKER_00
Priyanka?
11
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
11
SPEAKER_01
Mindy, Priyanka.
11
SPEAKER_00
All the girls from the Mindy show?
11
SPEAKER_01
Yep.
11
SPEAKER_01
The girl from Devs.
11
SPEAKER_00
Well, fuck though.
11
SPEAKER_00
Remember how identical I thought you looked to the girl that was in Stranger Things?
11
SPEAKER_01
That s her.
11
SPEAKER_01
That s the girl.
11
SPEAKER_00
Oh, yes.
11
SPEAKER_00
And she was in Devs.
11
SPEAKER_00
I think you guys look a lot alike.
11
SPEAKER_01
I think that s because of...
11
SPEAKER_01
Indian brownness.
11
SPEAKER_00
No, because I don t think you look like those other, I don t think this is racism.
11
SPEAKER_01
That s not racism.
11
SPEAKER_00
I think you guys look a lot of like same eyes.
11
SPEAKER_01
Let me look her up again.
11
SPEAKER_00
She s a main girl?
11
SPEAKER_00
The Indian girl.
11
SPEAKER_00
Linnea Berthelsen.
11
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, that s her.
11
SPEAKER_00
I m friends with her.
11
SPEAKER_01
You are?
11
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
11
SPEAKER_00
Well, I follow her on Instagram.
11
SPEAKER_00
They re not gonna let you at that party.
11
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
11
SPEAKER_01
I don t think you can say you re friends with someone and not know their name.
11
SPEAKER_01
I think that s like a good just like rule of thumb.
11
SPEAKER_00
That s in young people?
11
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, young people have that rule.
11
SPEAKER_00
She s Danish, not Indian too.
11
SPEAKER_00
Well, she is Indian, but she s been adopted by Danish parents.
11
SPEAKER_01
Linnea, Linnea is a Danish name.
11
SPEAKER_00
I do not look like her.
11
SPEAKER_01
I wish I did, she s beautiful.
11
SPEAKER_00
I can see it.
11
SPEAKER_00
You gotta look at her, type in her name and stranger things.
11
SPEAKER_00
Oh yeah, even more in Stranger Things.
11
SPEAKER_00
Right?
11
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah.
11
SPEAKER_00
In Stranger Things, I was like, oh my God, Monica s on screen.
11
SPEAKER_00
And she had a shaved side.
11
SPEAKER_00
I actually think it s tight braids, but that s what really made me.
11
SPEAKER_01
I know, your whole thing about shaved sides is actually, it was never shaved sides.
11
SPEAKER_00
No, it s shaved sides.
11
SPEAKER_00
I know.
11
SPEAKER_00
Is it shaved?
11
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah.
11
SPEAKER_00
Okay, great.
11
SPEAKER_00
And so I was like, oh, this girl looks just like Monica, and this girl looks so cool with shaved sides, Monica should try this.
11
SPEAKER_01
I feel sorry for her about this conversation.
11
SPEAKER_00
Why?
11
SPEAKER_01
because she s beautiful and I don t, and not, I m not this, no one s allowed to say anything right now.
11
SPEAKER_01
I m just saying, I don t look like her.
11
SPEAKER_00
And it s like- Do you like, Rob, that she s just like, let me tell the truth, the final truth.
11
SPEAKER_00
My opinion is the final truth.
11
SPEAKER_01
No, because we re not gonna do this thing, right?
11
SPEAKER_00
Where you re trying to convince me- But hold on, I know, I know, I know, I know.
11
SPEAKER_00
We re not gonna do that, it s boring.
11
SPEAKER_00
That was a 2024 thing.
11
SPEAKER_00
We re gonna stop talking about that we re not attractive.
11
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, we are.
11
SPEAKER_00
We re over that.
11
SPEAKER_00
Exactly, but we do agree that in jet not even in general like 99% of the time People never think they look like the person other people think they look like that is very standard
11
SPEAKER_01
I think that s not true.
11
SPEAKER_00
It is.
11
SPEAKER_01
You know about Zach Braff.
11
SPEAKER_00
I think we re one of the anomalies that we both agree.
11
SPEAKER_00
But everyone I ve met who looks so much like somebody and I tell them, they re like, no I don t.
11
SPEAKER_00
It s always like such a reaction.
11
SPEAKER_01
Rob, do you think you do kind of look like Elijah Wood?
11
SPEAKER_01
Like you can see it.
11
SPEAKER_01
I can see it.
11
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
11
SPEAKER_00
But you think, we agree that, you and I agree that she looks in Stranger Things a ton like Monica, right?
11
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah.
11
SPEAKER_00
And in Devs.
11
SPEAKER_01
Well, I forget why we brought this up, but basically Indian people, oh yeah, Indian people.
11
SPEAKER_00
You don t look like Indian people, but it turns out you look like a Danish Indian.
11
SPEAKER_01
Anyway.
11
SPEAKER_01
She s in Vogue.
11
SPEAKER_01
Never been in Vogue.
11
SPEAKER_01
Actually, there was an article about me in Vogue that was very cool.
11
SPEAKER_00
You guys are virtually living parallel lives and look identical.
11
SPEAKER_01
Anywho, okay, I do kind of look like her in this one, in one picture.
11
SPEAKER_01
Finally.
11
SPEAKER_01
I ll give you one picture.
11
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
11
SPEAKER_00
She ll be in India when we go.
11
SPEAKER_01
Call her, you re friends with her.
11
SPEAKER_00
I m going to call her and see if she s going to be down there.
11
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
11
SPEAKER_01
There are no facts, obviously, because we are circling the drain on this fact check.
11
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, that s okay.
11
SPEAKER_00
Max it all.
11
SPEAKER_00
Listen, it s a bonus episode.
11
SPEAKER_00
There s already more content than anyone was expecting, so it can only feel so bad.
11
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, you re welcome.
11
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, honestly, you are welcome.
11
SPEAKER_00
That s the spirit.
11
SPEAKER_00
That s what keeps you from being a best boy, but I appreciate it.
11
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, exactly.
11
SPEAKER_01
And that common joke that you love so much.
11
SPEAKER_00
Well, also then his joke the other day, it almost came up in here.
11
SPEAKER_00
Twin flames was great.
11
SPEAKER_00
Twin flames.
11
SPEAKER_00
It was great.
11
SPEAKER_01
That was your best joke.
11
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God, it s so good.
11
SPEAKER_00
Well, I love you, that was a great week.
11
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
11
SPEAKER_00
We pushed hard.
11
SPEAKER_01
Well, we have one left, Thursday.
11
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, one left.
11
SPEAKER_01
Oh, but I sweeten you.
11
SPEAKER_00
I mean like, yeah, just getting all this done in the timeframe we did, it was really hard and I m so, I m grateful for both of you and I love when we pull something off and we did.
11
SPEAKER_01
Last shout out, Jimmy Kimmel.
11
SPEAKER_00
Best boy.
11
SPEAKER_00
Best boy.
11
SPEAKER_01
And cool guy.
11
SPEAKER_00
And cool guy and sexy guy.
11
SPEAKER_01
And sexy man.
11
SPEAKER_00
Sexy boy.
11
SPEAKER_01
No, it has to be.
11
SPEAKER_00
He s a sexy boy.
11
SPEAKER_01
No, it can t be.
11
SPEAKER_00
I see.
11
SPEAKER_00
That s how he ends up in two different categories.
11
SPEAKER_01
It s best boy, cool guy, sexy man.
11
SPEAKER_00
Beautiful.
11
SPEAKER_00
I would like to be considered for cool man, I guess.
11
SPEAKER_01
That s not one.
11
SPEAKER_01
You wanna be cool guy?
11
SPEAKER_00
Oh, cool guy.
11
SPEAKER_01
And do you want- I want sexy man too.
11
SPEAKER_01
This is a good question.
11
SPEAKER_01
Which one?
11
SPEAKER_01
Oh.
11
SPEAKER_00
Well, you know we can rule one out right away.
11
SPEAKER_01
You don t care about best boy.
11
SPEAKER_00
Fuck best boy.
11
SPEAKER_00
Although if it were like Jimmy s version, yes.
11
SPEAKER_00
Because again, Jimmy s not a best boy that he is a best boy.
11
SPEAKER_01
He s the only one in all three.
11
SPEAKER_01
We already said that.
11
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
11
SPEAKER_01
So if you had to pick your bucket.
11
SPEAKER_00
Oh, sexy or cool.
11
SPEAKER_01
Cool guy or sexy man.
11
SPEAKER_00
That is a real tough one.
11
SPEAKER_00
I think cool is the safer route because girls will be attracted to cool and then guys are attracted to cool, but they hate sexy guys.
11
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
11
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, so I think that s the most, to cover the most, the widest net would be the cool guy award.
11
SPEAKER_00
How about you?
11
SPEAKER_01
It s hard for me.
11
SPEAKER_00
Best boy, cool.
11
SPEAKER_01
I m not ruling out best boy as quickly as you as wanting, but I m not one.
11
SPEAKER_01
Right.
12
SPEAKER_04
Right Um, I think I want to be God I think I want to be a sexy man.
12
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
12
SPEAKER_00
Yeah Absolutely.
12
SPEAKER_04
It s because the reality is I m a I m a cool guy careful.
12
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, we have a commitment and
12
SPEAKER_02
You know, that s- But what s interesting though is I- I m happy to be a cool guy.
12
SPEAKER_02
I actually think I am a cool guy.
12
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, you are.
12
SPEAKER_02
I do.
12
SPEAKER_02
And so I m weirdly picking, like, I m not- Yeah, you re picking what you are.
12
SPEAKER_02
Right.
12
SPEAKER_03
Wow, that s advanced.
12
SPEAKER_03
That s very 2024.
12
SPEAKER_01
Jedi.
12
SPEAKER_01
Very Jedi of me.
12
SPEAKER_03
Jedidiah Jenkins.
12
SPEAKER_01
Jedidiah Jenkins.
12
SPEAKER_04
Friend of the pod.
12
SPEAKER_04
All right, love you.
12
SPEAKER_00
I love you, bye.