0
SPEAKER_00
The following is a conversation with Bert Kreischer, a standup comedian, podcaster, actor, and a man they call The Machine.
0
SPEAKER_00
I ve been a fan of his comedy and podcast for many years, and I highly recommend you watch him on BirdCast, Two Bears, One Cave with Tom Segura, his cooking show called Something is Burning, and finally, the new movie that tells the story of the man, the legend, The Machine.
0
SPEAKER_00
And now, a quick few-second mention of each sponsor.
0
SPEAKER_00
Check them out in the description.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s the best way to support this podcast.
0
SPEAKER_00
We ve got 8Sleep for Naps, NetSuite for business management software, and ExpressVPN for privacy and security on the internet.
0
SPEAKER_00
Choose wisely, my friends.
0
SPEAKER_00
Also, if you want to work with our amazing team, we re always hiring.
0
SPEAKER_00
Go to lectreatment.com slash hiring.
0
SPEAKER_00
And now on to the full ad reads as always none of these ads in the middle I try to make them interesting, but if you must skip them friends, please still check out our sponsors I enjoy their stuff.
0
SPEAKER_00
Maybe you will too this episode is brought to you by a sleep and it s pod three mattress as burden I talk about in this episode is
0
SPEAKER_00
Naps are the portal to happiness and joy in this life.
0
SPEAKER_00
He talks about naps on the tour bus.
0
SPEAKER_00
And I have to say, I ve taken quite a lot of naps on buses, Greyhound buses, public transportation.
0
SPEAKER_00
I ve taken so many buses in my life.
0
SPEAKER_00
So much of my life I spent being completely broke and public transportation was not just the only means of transportation I could afford, but really I found joy in it, the simplicity of it, the waiting in the cold and in the heat, the camaraderie that we all in it together.
0
SPEAKER_00
There s a way of being with strangers on the subway or on a bus that all the diversity of humans are all right there and you get to kind of people watch, like subtly.
0
SPEAKER_00
Like this is what s possible in this world and it s beautiful.
0
SPEAKER_00
Anyway, as he talks about taking a nap on a cold tour bus and me taking a nap on a hot Greyhound, going from Boston to New York or something like that, it s heaven.
0
SPEAKER_00
But what s truly special is a nap on a cold mattress at home, which is what I do with 8sleep.
0
SPEAKER_00
Check them out and get special savings when you go to 8sleep.com slash Lex.
0
SPEAKER_00
This show is also brought to you by NetSuite, an all-in-one cloud business management system.
0
SPEAKER_00
They manage everything, all the mess, all the complexities of running a business.
0
SPEAKER_00
The financials, the human resources, the inventory, if you do that kind of thing, e-commerce, if you re an internet business, and all the many messy business-related details.
0
SPEAKER_00
Running a business is tough.
0
SPEAKER_00
I m thinking about hoping to do it,
0
SPEAKER_00
But of course, when I m thinking about it, I m thinking about all the idea stuff, the engineering, the design.
0
SPEAKER_00
the products.
0
SPEAKER_00
But that s not just what a business is.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s all the glue that makes the thing work.
0
SPEAKER_00
And for that, you should be using the best tools for the job and NetSuite is that.
0
SPEAKER_00
You can start now with no payment or interest for six months.
0
SPEAKER_00
Go to netsuite.com slash Lex to access their one of a kind financing program.
0
SPEAKER_00
That s netsuite.com slash Lex.
0
SPEAKER_00
This show is also brought to you by ExpressVPN.
0
SPEAKER_00
the service, the software I ve used to protect my privacy on the internet for many, many, many, many years back when it was a big sexy red button.
0
SPEAKER_00
I think it s a different color button now.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s still big and sexy, but the colors change.
0
SPEAKER_00
But the essence of the thing remains the same.
0
SPEAKER_00
You should obviously be using a VPN.
0
SPEAKER_00
This is the best one.
0
SPEAKER_00
This is the one I ve used.
0
SPEAKER_00
This is the one I love.
0
SPEAKER_00
Everything s super fast.
0
SPEAKER_00
Works on every operating system.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yes, including Linux.
0
SPEAKER_00
All the different flavors of Linux.
0
SPEAKER_00
As I talked about with, I think, Jimmy Wales on a podcast about Wikipedia.
0
SPEAKER_00
We talked about that there is every single Linux distribution has a Wikipedia page.
0
SPEAKER_00
Maybe I m misremembering that.
0
SPEAKER_00
But the point is, they re all beautiful in their own little way.
0
SPEAKER_00
And on all of them, especially if the end works.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s wonderful, and it works fast.
0
SPEAKER_00
Simple thing, done right.
0
SPEAKER_00
Go to expressvpn.com slash LexPod for an extra three months free.
0
SPEAKER_00
This is the Lex Friedland podcast.
0
SPEAKER_00
To support it, please check out our sponsors in the description.
0
SPEAKER_00
And now, dear friends, here s Bert Kreischer.
0
SPEAKER_00
I read somewhere that you like Ernest Hemingway.
0
SPEAKER_00
Love him.
0
SPEAKER_00
There s a quote, there s nothing to writing.
0
SPEAKER_00
All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.
0
SPEAKER_00
Do you agree with that?
0
SPEAKER_01
I agree.
0
SPEAKER_01
I agree.
0
SPEAKER_01
Well, I agree with that with journaling, because I can t write stand-up.
0
SPEAKER_01
I can t write a bit, but if I journal, I ll find something that I go, just write.
0
SPEAKER_01
Kind of writing where the pen s moving faster than your brain and they re kind of like doing it together.
0
SPEAKER_01
The thing I liked about Ernest Hemingway, this is so stupid, I m a little dyslexic and so I m not a good reader.
0
SPEAKER_01
And so he wrote very simply.
0
SPEAKER_01
And it wasn t until after I read a bunch of Ernest Hemingway, I was working at Barnes & Noble, and this person said, don t you love his titles?
0
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, yeah, Sun Also Rises.
0
SPEAKER_01
And they re like, yeah, but...
0
SPEAKER_01
No, the sun also rises.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, yeah, sun also rises.
0
SPEAKER_01
And they re like, no, no, the sun also rises.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I went, oh, oh yeah, that is fucking badass.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
And then I, I m like always late to the party with anything.
0
SPEAKER_01
And then that night we were all doing Coke and, uh, it was like five in the morning and we ended up on the roof of my apartment in Greenwich village.
0
SPEAKER_01
And this.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m a sunset guy, I grew up in Florida, but sunrises in New York are electric blue, like electric blue.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, the sun also rises.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, he was so good with just a handful of words.
0
SPEAKER_00
The simplicity, the choice of words, like basically his process is carving down.
0
SPEAKER_01
Write drunk, edit sober.
0
SPEAKER_00
Write drunk, edit sober.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, but he was good at like,
0
SPEAKER_01
Small amount of words to get a point across.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m the exact fucking opposite.
0
SPEAKER_00
Well.
0
SPEAKER_00
He s also said The first draft of anything is always shit
0
SPEAKER_00
Is that true for you?
0
SPEAKER_01
I think so.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s the best one I have.
0
SPEAKER_00
It goes downhill from there.
0
SPEAKER_00
So for you, editing is destroying the original genius.
0
SPEAKER_01
The first time I tell it, it s perfect.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s perfect.
0
SPEAKER_01
It works.
0
SPEAKER_01
And then I go, great.
0
SPEAKER_01
And then I take it and I try to fix it and make it better and jazzier.
0
SPEAKER_01
I just joke and razzle dazzle about my daughters and I driving past a deaf child sign.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I just told it on stage.
0
SPEAKER_01
It just happened.
0
SPEAKER_01
And Louis was in the audience.
0
SPEAKER_01
He goes, I love that joke.
0
SPEAKER_01
I said, really?
0
SPEAKER_01
He goes, yeah, and I just told it and I went, done.
0
SPEAKER_01
Louis CK says he likes the joke.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s fucking, it s in the special.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I tried to fucking razzle dazzle that joke into like a 15 minute bit.
0
SPEAKER_01
It got to the point where it was so bad that I told him, I did a podcast with him.
0
SPEAKER_01
I said, what did you like about that joke?
0
SPEAKER_01
Because I can t get it to work anymore.
0
SPEAKER_01
He goes, it was just simple.
0
SPEAKER_01
It was simple that your daughter didn t know how they d figure out where deaf kids lived.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I went, that s it?
0
SPEAKER_01
He s like, yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
I was like, nothing about gun control.
0
SPEAKER_01
And he was like, huh?
0
SPEAKER_01
I was like, oh, fuck man.
0
SPEAKER_01
I really fucked that joke up.
0
SPEAKER_01
And then I had to, I had to go back to the beginning of it.
0
SPEAKER_01
But that first time, that s when, that s when the joke comes out purest for me.
0
SPEAKER_01
And then it s always chasing back to get that, get that first telling.
0
SPEAKER_01
Some jokes are different.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like the machine obviously was a much longer story and like, and like escape room for this one.
0
SPEAKER_01
The longer stories take a little work, but the, the simple ones like, like the deaf child and pajamas and those first times are perfect.
0
SPEAKER_00
What do you think is it about the machine story that works that was so captivating for people?
0
SPEAKER_01
I think it s a, I think, I don t know.
0
SPEAKER_01
I really wish I, I don t know.
0
SPEAKER_01
I think it s a good story.
0
SPEAKER_01
I think it s a good story.
0
SPEAKER_01
I think everyone has something similar that happened in their life where they had a crazy night and that no one believed and they told their friends or they experienced that with a friend like that.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I think, I think that s gotta be it.
0
SPEAKER_01
I really don t know.
0
SPEAKER_01
I think there s a part of, I think there s a part of the, like our community of comedy fans that were that early death squad that was fun to watch someone take something from the podcast and turn it into a bit on stage.
0
SPEAKER_01
I think there was a lot of that, but I think people identify with a wild, crazy night that got out of control that they ve probably had too.
0
SPEAKER_01
I think, I don t fucking know.
0
SPEAKER_00
Do you think Putin knows who you are because of that story?
0
SPEAKER_01
I hope so.
0
SPEAKER_01
I fucking hope so.
0
SPEAKER_01
I hope so.
0
SPEAKER_01
But there s a part of me that you gotta understand is like, I m not...
0
SPEAKER_01
I say stuff like that, I m sure there s someone who hears that and they go, who is this fucking narcissist?
0
SPEAKER_01
You re like, no, that s not it.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m just telling you the truth.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like, I understand what I m supposed to say.
0
SPEAKER_01
Well, you know, I don t know.
0
SPEAKER_01
I don t know, that s hard to say.
0
SPEAKER_01
But I don t fucking give a shit about that guy.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m not that guy.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m telling you everything that comes out of my mouth.
0
SPEAKER_01
The second it comes out, I m going to be 100% honest, I don t know any other way to live.
0
SPEAKER_01
Kinda hope so.
0
SPEAKER_01
That would be fucking cool.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I look, I know he s a bad, I guess he s a bad dude.
0
SPEAKER_01
I don t follow politics ton, but it d be cool if like one day someone s like, uh, he s, he s on his computer and some guy goes, and he s like, and he s like, and he s like, and it shows it to him.
0
SPEAKER_01
And, and then he s like, fucking this guy, huh?
0
SPEAKER_00
It s not out of the realm of possibility that Putin has watched it.
0
SPEAKER_00
This podcast has kind of made me realize how small the world is.
0
SPEAKER_01
I ve gotten to meet some incredibly interesting people.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like that s the thing where I go, it s gotten really crazy.
0
SPEAKER_01
The internet s really insane and Netflix is really insane.
0
SPEAKER_01
And the reach of like people that like, this is really simple, but like, I m a big fan of the show drink champs.
0
SPEAKER_01
I didn t think in a million years, Nori would ever know who I was.
0
SPEAKER_01
And then he offered me to come to his podcast.
0
SPEAKER_01
And then when I got there, he told me he was a fan of mine.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I went like, I remember moving to New York, listening to you and Capone.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like I m sitting there going, wow.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like, and then the phone calls I ve gotten since the movie came out and since Razzle Dazzle came out have been really insane when you realize
0
SPEAKER_01
As much as I know about people, and I like, there s people I m fans of that don t know who I am, that are like, they re like some pitcher in fucking Florida that I follow the kids.
0
SPEAKER_01
I like, it s fun to watch him pitch.
0
SPEAKER_01
There was a softball player in Tempe that she s do catching drills.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I was really into softball with my daughter and we watched her catching drills.
0
SPEAKER_01
There s a girl, Dee Glazer, who me and my daughters would watch her dance videos.
0
SPEAKER_01
And then I hit her up and she s like, you know who I am?
0
SPEAKER_01
And you re like, oh yeah, that s the way the world works.
0
SPEAKER_00
What world leader would you drink with if you could?
0
SPEAKER_00
So you mentioned Putin.
0
SPEAKER_00
So Putin doesn t drink much.
0
SPEAKER_00
Zelensky drinks more, but also not much.
0
SPEAKER_01
Of course Yeltsin would have been a good one.
0
SPEAKER_01
He would have been a fucking good one.
0
SPEAKER_01
I mean, like, I go, Hitler was a pussy.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like, he drank wine with a spoonful of sugar in it.
0
SPEAKER_01
You know who drank?
0
SPEAKER_01
What?
0
SPEAKER_01
It was Churchill.
0
SPEAKER_01
That s my, hold on, that s my guy.
0
SPEAKER_01
You know that s my guy, right?
0
SPEAKER_01
No, I don t know that s your guy.
0
SPEAKER_00
So he did champagne.
0
SPEAKER_00
You don t have to tell me a thing about Winston Churchill.
0
SPEAKER_01
I found out about his daily routine.
0
SPEAKER_01
So his daily routine was a big breakfast, cigar, coffee, eggs sunny side up, toast, bacon, sausage, tomato, beans, fruit, orange juice, soft scotch, cigar in bed, and he d sit there for three hours.
0
SPEAKER_01
He d hold morning breakfast and that s they d come in and he d run through his day and then he d get in the bathtub for fucking an hour and drink champagne and then he d go to lunch and have some goose or whatever the fuck they ate back then with more champagne and then
0
SPEAKER_01
And then he d take a nap.
0
SPEAKER_01
I love that.
0
SPEAKER_01
So every year on the day of his death, I think it s January 24th, I celebrate Winston Churchill s life by living the way he did.
0
SPEAKER_01
And so I have breakfast in bed with a soft scotch, and I just party all fucking day.
0
SPEAKER_01
That would be the guy to drink with.
0
SPEAKER_01
That would be the guy, if you could pick anyone to drink with.
0
SPEAKER_00
He drank every day throughout the day.
0
SPEAKER_00
He lived like 94.
0
SPEAKER_00
And was one of the most heroic figures in human history.
0
SPEAKER_00
Never, never surrender.
0
SPEAKER_01
I mean, what a fucking badass thing.
0
SPEAKER_01
You know, he taught, he taught the queen.
0
SPEAKER_01
The queen was like a, like a, like a window licking idiot.
0
SPEAKER_01
Right?
0
SPEAKER_01
Like she was, she had a third grade education.
0
SPEAKER_01
So like her dad dies and she s like 10 or 12 or whatever.
0
SPEAKER_01
The first thing they do is they pull her out of school.
0
SPEAKER_01
They re like, you re done learning.
0
SPEAKER_01
You re just going to be the queen.
0
SPEAKER_01
This is what you need to learn.
0
SPEAKER_01
Don t let people make eye contact with you.
0
SPEAKER_01
Put your hand out like this.
0
SPEAKER_01
Don t let people touch you.
0
SPEAKER_01
By the way, I didn t do this research.
0
SPEAKER_01
I just watched The Crown, okay?
0
SPEAKER_01
Winston Churchill kind of taught her about world politics.
0
SPEAKER_01
They d come in and she d be like,
0
SPEAKER_01
Winston what did we do in Africa?
0
SPEAKER_01
He s like, this is gonna be a tough one And so yeah, so but Winston Churchill s the badass, but if I had a drink with someone living like drink There s like there s a too obvious one.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like obviously it s fucking Kim Jong-un, right?
0
SPEAKER_01
You kind of wanna he drinks.
0
SPEAKER_01
No, he does You think my IVs are good in the morning, you know Kim Jong-un s IVs are next you re like I feel up and he s like It s amphetamine
0
SPEAKER_01
He would be a badass to drink with.
0
SPEAKER_00
I think he drinks hard liquor.
0
SPEAKER_01
I think it s scotch.
0
SPEAKER_01
Johnny Walker blue.
0
SPEAKER_01
That s what I ve heard.
0
SPEAKER_00
I don t know where you heard this, but I like this.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay, so I say things like that, but then I m sure I, I, I, I don t know if you ve ever partied with someone who just parties a little different than you.
0
SPEAKER_01
And then you notice like, like sometimes celebrities, like athletes and then like you re at a strip club and then they, they, they talk weird to a woman.
0
SPEAKER_01
You re like, Oh, that s not me.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m so sorry.
0
SPEAKER_01
So that d be the thing.
0
SPEAKER_01
The atrocities would be hard to get past with them.
0
SPEAKER_00
Not just the atrocity, but the way of being.
0
SPEAKER_00
I agree with you.
0
SPEAKER_00
I actually don t like drinking with rich and powerful people often.
0
SPEAKER_00
There s something weird about them.
0
SPEAKER_00
Not all of them.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I don t like a drinking meeting.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like when someone goes- What s a drinking meeting?
0
SPEAKER_01
What s that?
0
SPEAKER_01
People go like, hey, I m taking you out tonight, we re drinking.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
And then I go, oh, that s not the way I like to do it.
0
SPEAKER_01
It gives me anxiety.
0
SPEAKER_01
Our lives are very different.
0
SPEAKER_00
You and I?
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
Were you in a fraternity?
0
SPEAKER_01
No.
0
SPEAKER_01
We could start there.
0
SPEAKER_01
No, I was not.
0
SPEAKER_00
And the differences continue from there, I m sure.
0
SPEAKER_01
So when you get your pledge of pen.
0
SPEAKER_01
They take you out and their whole thing is we re getting you fucked up.
0
SPEAKER_01
That energy is not my energy.
0
SPEAKER_01
I don t like that.
0
SPEAKER_01
I just go, why don t we just get drunk and feel really good about ourselves?
0
SPEAKER_01
I never took mushrooms to see Jesus.
0
SPEAKER_01
I just wanted to enjoy Rain X on a windshield.
0
SPEAKER_01
So that, for me, is one of my things.
0
SPEAKER_01
So if Kim Jong-un flew me to North Korea to drink with him, I d be like, I d have to start really getting blackout drunk on the plane to enjoy drinking with him that day.
0
SPEAKER_00
What s your favorite, like different occasions, what s your favorite drink, what s your favorite way of drinking?
0
SPEAKER_01
I ve got, it varies.
0
SPEAKER_00
So what are the different contexts here?
0
SPEAKER_00
It s like one-on-one.
0
SPEAKER_00
One-on-one like you sit down with I don t know Rogan invites you like it s a godfather to sit down and finally have a talk about something It s gonna be whiskey.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s gonna be like a nice whiskey neat.
0
SPEAKER_01
No, I like it on the rocks.
0
SPEAKER_01
I like lots of rocks It won t be something expensive cuz Rogan is not he s not a fancy boy, you know, like he s a real regular He s a really regular, dude
0
SPEAKER_01
He s gotten less regular the more millions of dollars he has.
0
SPEAKER_01
I think there s parts of him where you re like, oh wow, we can do this?
0
SPEAKER_01
But he d be like Jack on the Rocks or probably Buffalo Trace or one of the, maybe a little whiskey he s buying.
0
SPEAKER_01
Rogan would be whiskey, rocks, and then that s a good, I haven t hung out with Joe by ourselves.
0
SPEAKER_01
I take that back, I was with him the other night.
0
SPEAKER_01
But it would be cool, my times with Joe s are always on podcasts.
0
SPEAKER_01
And his, I miss the times
1
SPEAKER_00
where you just have you and him at the store late night.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I m okay with podcasts.
1
SPEAKER_02
I used to think this is like performative or something like this, but it s not really.
1
SPEAKER_02
It s just a chance to really sit down.
1
SPEAKER_00
I enjoy it because of the people I could never sit down with.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like David cross I wouldn t never sit down with David cross because we don t run in the same circles and but it s nice he has something to promote and Then he comes to my house and then we can sit down for an hour and talk and then I and then we re Kevin Smith Like people I would never really hang out with Tom
1
SPEAKER_00
I enjoy being alone with Tom Moore.
1
SPEAKER_00
Off mic.
1
SPEAKER_00
Tom Segura.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
We have a lot of history.
1
SPEAKER_00
There s a lot of things, secrets we know about each other, and there s a lot of secrets going on in each other s lives that I would never share on podcasts that I can talk to him about.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I really appreciate his, and I know this isn t on brand of us beating each other up, but I really appreciate his insight as a dad, and as a dude, and as a son.
1
SPEAKER_00
But he makes me giggle harder than anyone, so doing a podcast is fun.
1
SPEAKER_02
So there s something on a podcast that s performative for you with him, and then there s a part- With me and him, because we re trying to make each other laugh.
1
SPEAKER_00
But I ll tell you, if we re going back to drinks, I ll tell you, like a great afternoon drink is a Campari Spritz.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s one of my favorite drinks in the world.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t even know what that is.
1
SPEAKER_00
Campari Spritz.
1
SPEAKER_00
Campari is an interesting alcohol.
1
SPEAKER_00
Because I think it s a bitter, or it s a liqueur, and it s got a weird, rooty, earthy taste.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s red, so it looks like Kool-Aid.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s why I got into it.
1
SPEAKER_00
I thought Campari on Ice would be oh so nice.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s an old commercial.
1
SPEAKER_00
But man, it s fucking like sucking the green giant s dick.
1
SPEAKER_00
It is earthy.
1
SPEAKER_00
What s earthy?
1
SPEAKER_00
It tastes like roots.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, nice.
1
SPEAKER_00
There s a bitterness, and it s just not great.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then someone introduced me to a Negroni, which is Campari and gin and a little soda water, and then Campari Spritz.
1
SPEAKER_00
Campari Spritz is Campari, Prosecco, and soda water in like a wine glass, and it is
1
SPEAKER_00
It s so enjoyable.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s got so many different profiles to it, where you get the bitterness, but the sweetness of the Prosecco, and then it flattens it out with the soda water, and it looks like Kool-Aid, so I love it.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s one of my favorite drinks.
1
SPEAKER_00
To share in what context?
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, you re in Italy.
1
SPEAKER_00
And you ve been walking around Venice, and everyone went their own ways, and the whole family comes back together, and you meet at a statue, and your wife s sweating, and she s uncomfortable.
1
SPEAKER_00
And your daughters are 16 and 18, and they re like, what are we doing with the rest of the day?
1
SPEAKER_00
And you go, hey, guys, it s Europe.
1
SPEAKER_00
Does anyone want to come party Spritz?
1
SPEAKER_00
And everyone goes, I don t know what that is.
1
SPEAKER_00
And you go,
1
SPEAKER_00
for Campari Spritz.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s a minor in alcohol, so it s not gonna light them up, but it gives them a little bit of a buzz where they re like, dad, these are nice.
1
SPEAKER_00
Isla didn t drink hers, so I drank hers.
1
SPEAKER_00
Georgia had hers, Leanne had hers, and we ordered another round.
1
SPEAKER_00
I ordered, and they re fucking refreshing, and the buzz is perfect.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s not too much, because it s just a little bit of champagne and some Campari.
1
SPEAKER_00
The buzz is perfect, and then a couple of them, and then they kind of disappear, and then you re just walking around again.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s a great fucking drink.
1
SPEAKER_02
You ever drink alone?
1
SPEAKER_02
So there s two kinds of alone.
1
SPEAKER_02
One is alone like at a bar.
1
SPEAKER_02
There s other people, but they re strangers, right?
1
SPEAKER_02
They re kind of like out there.
1
SPEAKER_02
Okay, I ve done that.
1
SPEAKER_00
Keep going.
1
SPEAKER_00
Keep going.
1
SPEAKER_00
Don t walk me through all the alones, and then I ll tell you the rest.
1
SPEAKER_02
There s all kinds.
1
SPEAKER_02
There s alone on a train, like transporting someone.
1
SPEAKER_00
I ve drank alone on a train, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
A train, plane.
1
SPEAKER_02
And then there s just a loan in an empty home.
1
SPEAKER_00
Or a hotel room.
1
SPEAKER_02
Hotel.
1
SPEAKER_00
And it s Sunday night.
1
SPEAKER_02
Sunday night.
1
SPEAKER_00
And you re packing your bag and you got a flight at 6 a.m.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
But Roadhouse is on and you re like, shit.
1
SPEAKER_00
So you get out of the front desk and go, is the bar still open?
1
SPEAKER_00
And they go, yeah, can I order some to take to my room?
1
SPEAKER_00
Sure.
1
SPEAKER_00
How about six Heinekens?
1
SPEAKER_00
Six Heinekens?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, my wife wanted one too.
1
SPEAKER_00
She s not up there.
1
SPEAKER_00
You murdered and you just say to yourself I m just getting six so that if I have four I Just know I have two extra ones and then you go through six and you re like, oh man, I m not done yet, dude I ve drank in every alone scenario.
1
SPEAKER_00
You can possibly think of I ve drank
1
SPEAKER_00
I ve drank alone in a helicopter with a dude who didn t know I was drinking.
1
SPEAKER_00
Uh, he was like, I was like, can I drink in here?
1
SPEAKER_00
And he s like, absolutely not.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then I poured it into a flask and opened it and drank it.
1
SPEAKER_00
And he s like, dude, we re in a fucking helicopter.
1
SPEAKER_00
You don t think I spelled that the best alone drinking you can ever do.
1
SPEAKER_00
In my opinion, now we re getting into the weeds on it is alone behind someone s back.
1
SPEAKER_00
What do you mean?
1
SPEAKER_00
Like when they don t know you re drinking, but you re drinking like, uh, like Christmas shopping.
1
SPEAKER_00
Uh,
1
SPEAKER_00
And your wife says, all right, let s all split up.
1
SPEAKER_00
And you go, cool.
1
SPEAKER_00
And it s like 11 o clock on a Sunday, and they just opened that bar by the elevator in the Beverly Center.
1
SPEAKER_00
And you just sneak over, and you go, hey, man, can I get a double Jack on the Ross Oxford Rots?
1
SPEAKER_00
And they re like, sure.
1
SPEAKER_00
And you just have it, and you just go, let s just, and then you re off.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then you re like, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then you just little sneak one, sneak it, sneak it.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then you re buzzed, and nobody knows.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then your wife s like, wait, have you been drinking?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I m drinking by myself in a fucking mall on Christmas.
1
SPEAKER_00
How sad do you think I am?
1
SPEAKER_00
And then you go, yeah, I am.
1
SPEAKER_02
What about mood?
1
SPEAKER_00
Do you ever drink in a dark place?
1
SPEAKER_00
So I broke, I had a chick break up, or a chick cheat on me.
1
SPEAKER_00
When I came back from Russia, and she slept with my best friend, and I didn t know how to deal with the emotions I had, and my buddy Mike Osborne said, I can tell you this, if you drink, they go away.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I went, okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
And that was the first and kind of last time I ever did that.
1
SPEAKER_00
Because I did it.
1
SPEAKER_00
I ve done it.
1
SPEAKER_00
I ve done it a couple times, but I Try to avoid I try to avoid if there s emotion going to alcohol like meaning I d not want it s anxiety But like depression I kind of sit in the depression because or anxiety I lean towards alcohol like anxiety like about flying or or or just like getting worked up on some over something but with depression I try to avoid alcohol and just sit in it and
1
SPEAKER_00
Because I ve gone there before.
1
SPEAKER_00
But anxieties, I land all the time.
1
SPEAKER_02
But depression, heartbreak, all that, you just sit in the feeling.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
Heartbreak s a weird one for me.
1
SPEAKER_00
So like the last time I got my heart broken, Leanne dumped me.
1
SPEAKER_00
We were dating for like four months, and she broke up with me.
1
SPEAKER_00
And my instinct was to have a drink.
1
SPEAKER_00
My friends went to this Middle Eastern restaurant, and I told them what was going on.
1
SPEAKER_00
And my buddy Cora s like, let s get a cocktail.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, I don t want one.
1
SPEAKER_00
I got to figure this out.
1
SPEAKER_00
Because I want this chick.
1
SPEAKER_00
And if I start drinking, I ll be like, ah, fuck it.
1
SPEAKER_00
So I got to figure it out.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like I wonder, I m going to find out my dad dies one day.
1
SPEAKER_00
Or my mom, but my dad will be the rough one.
1
SPEAKER_00
My mom will be equally as rough.
1
SPEAKER_00
My dad and I were really close.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I wonder if I ve thought about this a lot, if I ll have a drink dealing with that.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like I think about that a lot.
1
SPEAKER_00
I keep saying everything I get with my dad is extra.
1
SPEAKER_00
My dad had 100% blockage in his Widowmaker twice and both times they saved his life and he got a stint I think 12 or 13 years ago and then he just got a stint this last year.
1
SPEAKER_00
But so everything I get to do, I feel like is extra.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so, you know, he was just at the premiere of my movie and he got to see that and he had a very emotional response.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I got to, I got that from him.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, that s a little icing on the cake.
1
SPEAKER_00
I did, you know, the arena in Tampa was the first time he ever saw me do standup.
1
SPEAKER_00
That was like a little extra.
1
SPEAKER_00
So all these things I m getting with them are all extra.
1
SPEAKER_00
So I have, you know, at least 74.
1
SPEAKER_00
So yeah, that ll be a tough one.
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, at the premiere, he was, what, proud?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, he came out, he was sobbing, crying.
1
SPEAKER_00
And he goes, I ve underestimated you your whole life.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, what?
1
SPEAKER_00
And he was shaking.
1
SPEAKER_00
He goes, I just underestimated you.
1
SPEAKER_00
I didn t know you were this, whatever.
1
SPEAKER_00
It was really hard to understand him, to be honest with you.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t know totally what he said.
1
SPEAKER_00
He might have just not liked the movie.
1
SPEAKER_02
I think you were hearing what you wanted to hear.
1
SPEAKER_02
Uh, what d you learn about life from your father?
1
SPEAKER_00
Uh, it s not going to make sense.
1
SPEAKER_00
I want to feel like sometimes I m like a professional fucking wrestler.
1
SPEAKER_00
Cause all I care about you come and see me do stand up.
1
SPEAKER_00
So I, whatever I gotta do to get you there.
1
SPEAKER_00
But the number one thing, my one takeaway from that man s humility and I applied, I ve applied it in different ways throughout my career.
1
SPEAKER_00
On my 26th birthday, he gave me a really aggressive speech.
1
SPEAKER_00
He, I was hungover and I just thought he was going to say, happy birthday.
1
SPEAKER_00
So I picked up the phone and I was like, Hey, and he was like, you are a tremendous piece of shit.
1
SPEAKER_00
And he broke me off.
1
SPEAKER_00
You have no humility.
1
SPEAKER_00
You have no this.
1
SPEAKER_00
You ll never succeed at anything.
1
SPEAKER_00
You re lying to yourself.
1
SPEAKER_00
You re lying to everyone around you.
1
SPEAKER_00
You re not going after your dream.
1
SPEAKER_00
I broke you.
1
SPEAKER_00
I failed you as a father.
1
SPEAKER_00
This and that.
1
SPEAKER_00
I was like, I thought you were going to wish me happy birthday.
1
SPEAKER_00
In that speech, he told me if I wanted something, I had to go at it, and I had to go after it as hard as I could, and I had to do whatever I could do to achieve that.
1
SPEAKER_00
In this case, it was offering to do anything at the comedy club to get on stage.
1
SPEAKER_00
I told him, man, that s not how it works.
1
SPEAKER_00
And he said, no, that s how it works for some poor kid from Harlem, because that kid needs it.
1
SPEAKER_00
He goes, you ve grown up with privilege your whole life.
1
SPEAKER_00
You don t need it.
1
SPEAKER_00
You think you re going to be fine.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so I went.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I ended up getting a job at the door, but it s humbling.
1
SPEAKER_00
It made me feel uncomfortable.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so that humility, uh, is it s the first time I really understood humility and I ve applied that in many respects in like, in like getting to be a paid regular at the comedy store that happened late in life for me.
1
SPEAKER_00
And which I think most people would give up and be like, Oh, fuck that.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m already a touring comic.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m on TV.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t need that, but it s something I wanted and I knew I wanted.
1
SPEAKER_00
So I, I just humbly went after it.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then I think I still apply it when it, when it comes to.
1
SPEAKER_00
selling tickets or selling a project to the fans.
1
SPEAKER_00
Or even to doing podcasts, I try to be as honest as I can about whatever I m going through or whatever I m dealing with.
1
SPEAKER_00
But when it comes to like selling things, I don t have a problem trying to make fun of myself or get in front of people so that they know that I have a show, because that s the thing I m good at.
1
SPEAKER_00
The one thing I know I m good at is stand up.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I say that humbly, but I want them to come there.
1
SPEAKER_00
So I ve heard people make fun of me before.
1
SPEAKER_00
They re like, yeah, I m not some clown in a Speedo who s going to, I m a real comic.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I go, OK.
1
SPEAKER_00
But I want them at my shows, and you can be that guy and I ll be this guy.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, the clown and the speedo.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it s like, what are you going to do?
1
SPEAKER_00
Funny people make fun of me for taking my shirt off.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, I guess behind my back, no one ever does it to me.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, no one would ever.
1
SPEAKER_00
Comics aren t that manly.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
But I always go like, what do you care?
1
SPEAKER_00
What do you care?
1
SPEAKER_00
And you love taking your shirt off?
1
SPEAKER_00
More than anything.
1
SPEAKER_02
You know, when something becomes meme and becomes super popular, it becomes easy to not love the thing anymore, to get tired of it.
1
SPEAKER_02
You still love it?
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, more than anything.
1
SPEAKER_00
I like being shirtless more than having a shirt.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m very uncomfortable in a shirt.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like right now, and I have tactile issues.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like I have legit tactile issues.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m most comfortable in stretchy jeans.
1
SPEAKER_00
with a loose-fitting belt, and then these shirts exactly, but I like more like a V-neck.
1
SPEAKER_00
I can feel this on my neck right now, and I can feel it on my arms.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so I ll sit a certain way, because it just rubs me wrong, but you have more comfortable shirtless.
1
SPEAKER_00
I can never wear what you re wearing.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, well, this is my shirtless.
1
SPEAKER_02
Each of us have to find our place in this world in terms of fashion.
1
SPEAKER_00
I would love to be able to wear what you wear.
1
SPEAKER_00
Because it looks good.
1
SPEAKER_02
It feels like an escape from convention.
1
SPEAKER_02
Well, you or me?
1
SPEAKER_02
Both of us.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
Because this, nobody wears this, unless you work security for somebody.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, but it looks good on you.
1
SPEAKER_00
Does it?
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know, I think people think, I don t know, like they would say, like, what if you lose weight, you can t take your shirt off anymore?
1
SPEAKER_00
I go, no, I m not going to fucking take my shirt off.
1
SPEAKER_00
You fucking out of your mind, I m going to take my shirt off all the time.
1
SPEAKER_02
You mentioned early on heartbreak after the Russia trip with a girl who slept with your friend.
1
SPEAKER_02
Let s go back to Hemingway quotes.
1
SPEAKER_02
The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.
1
SPEAKER_02
So to go all in with the trust.
1
SPEAKER_02
I love Hemingway so much.
1
SPEAKER_02
Have you been betrayed in your life?
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
What do you think about trust?
1
SPEAKER_00
That s an interesting question.
1
SPEAKER_00
I ve been betrayed in my professional life a couple times by really close friends.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I m not someone who can t, like, I have a mantra that, I mean, I don t know if people have heard it or not, and I hate sharing it, but it s true.
1
SPEAKER_00
The mantra is, so you think I m weak.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, do you think it s like, that s my thing.
1
SPEAKER_00
So I feel like people take advantage of me and I go, so you think I m weak.
1
SPEAKER_00
You forget everyone that like, and I m named the people that have betrayed me.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m a larger man than all of them.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so that s what really fucks with me is I go, so you think I m weak.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like where I grew up, when you do stuff, there was physical consequences.
1
SPEAKER_00
I grew up in Florida.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like I ve been beaten up a bunch.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m not saying I can fight, but like, I m not scared of getting beaten up.
1
SPEAKER_00
And the times that I ve been betrayed, and I know even like by Ari, which people see that drugging as a betrayal, and I did for a period, but it was only because it was Ari and he was one of my best friends.
1
SPEAKER_00
And me and him had to work through that because I couldn t not love him.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like I couldn t not have him in my life.
1
SPEAKER_00
He means a lot to me.
1
SPEAKER_00
He really does.
1
SPEAKER_00
He s a great friend to have.
1
SPEAKER_00
but he s also, I don t know what was going on with him at that time, but he made a bad decision and I had to forgive him for that because I knew he knew my mantra.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think I m harder to trust people now.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m not as apt to trust people at all, but there was a moment, I don t know if I ve ever shared this and I don t know how this will sound, but there was a moment that information got leaked about a thing and all my managers and agents, both, both,
1
SPEAKER_00
Tom and our managers and agents would like to either separate us, or one of them get both of us.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s just more lucrative for them.
1
SPEAKER_00
So they have always kind of pitted us against each other a little bit, and they do it subtly.
1
SPEAKER_00
They ll do it to me and my team, and then his team will do it to me, and then my team will do it to him, and his team will do it to him.
1
SPEAKER_00
And there was a moment where information got leaked about this thing I was doing.
1
SPEAKER_00
And my team was like, just so you know, your boy Tommy is the rat.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I had to, it was the one time, and Leanne said, do you think Tom would do that?
1
SPEAKER_00
I said, I don t know how faith works.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like I m not a super religious person, but I will tell you that I believe in Tom and I don t think he did it.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I will stand by that ignorantly.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I will and I will ride or die with him because I cannot live in a world where I don t trust him yeah, if I don t trust him that I am so fucked and And it wasn t him.
1
SPEAKER_00
It wasn t him and I was it s a cool feeling to know that you could like that you could blindly trust someone blindly have faith in someone know that they re they have your best interest at heart and
1
SPEAKER_00
But yeah, it took me a while to get there.
1
SPEAKER_00
Rogan helped me get there.
1
SPEAKER_00
Cause I wasn t trusting him or Joey or Tommy or anyone.
1
SPEAKER_00
I wasn t trusting anyone.
1
SPEAKER_00
I d gotten in a bad thing and I just wasn t trusting anybody.
1
SPEAKER_00
And Rogan was like, yeah, man, we re trying to be your fucking friend.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, yeah, I don t, I don t need friends.
1
SPEAKER_00
I couldn t understand what why Rogan was interested in me and I said to like someone I was like is he gay like What s the fuck?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, and then he was just a nice guy.
1
SPEAKER_02
He s just a nice guy I d be hilarious if Joe was sexually attracted to this whole time this whole times the reason he keeps inviting you
2
SPEAKER_00
I would be more excited.
2
SPEAKER_00
I would be more excited if just if he tried to kiss me on the lips once just and just and like in a Scotty Scotty Jay way from boogie nights where he s like, well, do you like my car?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, you know, nobody would believe that story.
2
SPEAKER_01
No one.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, if I was Joe, I would kiss dudes all the time.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then and then when they didn t kiss back, oh, you know, no, no one will believe you.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, when you trust people like that and they fuck you over, that can really, really, really hurt.
2
SPEAKER_00
You end up on a treadmill in a hotel room fighting with them.
2
SPEAKER_00
You fight with them all the time.
2
SPEAKER_00
You fight with them all the time.
2
SPEAKER_00
You fight with them constantly.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I have this thing where I ruminate on an idea and I can t get it out of my head.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I hear the words they say and I... So all in your head, on a treadmill in your head, just fighting.
2
SPEAKER_00
Just fucking fighting.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then one day you get past it.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like one day you just go, eh, fuck them.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m not going to give them real estate.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then you just forget about them.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then they reach out and they ll, they ll try to be a dick or a bully.
2
SPEAKER_00
Cause they re bullies.
2
SPEAKER_00
They re bullies is what they are.
2
SPEAKER_00
Don t ever forget it.
2
SPEAKER_00
They re fucking bullies and they got bullied.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s not their fault.
2
SPEAKER_00
They got bullied.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then they try to bully you and you re, and you don t have any connection anymore.
2
SPEAKER_00
And you re like, Oh, you can go fuck yourself.
2
SPEAKER_00
You can actually go fuck yourself.
2
SPEAKER_00
You re not my boss.
2
SPEAKER_00
You re not my wife.
2
SPEAKER_00
You don t fuck me.
2
SPEAKER_00
Don t pay me.
2
SPEAKER_00
Get the fuck out of my life.
2
SPEAKER_01
But this kind of mantra of the, you re not weak, you still want to be able to be fragile to the world and appear weak almost.
2
SPEAKER_00
I am, I am.
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, that s the problem is I think I am pretty fucking weak.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like, I m not the strongest dude out there.
2
SPEAKER_00
I have really thin skin.
2
SPEAKER_00
My feelings hurt all the time.
2
SPEAKER_00
And so, but like, but it sucks when you watch, like, your friend see something in you that you go, or they go, fuck him.
2
SPEAKER_00
He s not paying attention.
2
SPEAKER_00
Fuck him.
2
SPEAKER_00
Let s just fuck him.
2
SPEAKER_00
Let s take his money.
2
SPEAKER_00
You know what, fuck him.
2
SPEAKER_00
He doesn t know what the fuck he s doing.
2
SPEAKER_00
Look at him, he s a drunk alcoholic, and you go, oh no, bitch, I pay attention.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m wide awake, I m here, I m working my ass off, you re not gonna fucking.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, that s the tough thing about you and Tom Segura.
2
SPEAKER_01
You re at the top of your game, on top of the world, some of the most famous comics in the world, and you could see money start to creep in, like business decisions.
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t know, it s a tough place.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s really tough.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s really tough work, you know, especially as we re growing and, and, uh, I ll tell you what it, I don t know how much I m allowed to say, but I can tell you this.
2
SPEAKER_00
We had a business deal where feelings were getting involved and money was involved in that.
2
SPEAKER_00
And the money was causing the feelings.
2
SPEAKER_00
And one of us said.
2
SPEAKER_00
to the other person, our feelings are more important than the money.
2
SPEAKER_00
So let s just split the money.
2
SPEAKER_00
And it was really like a solid moment where both of us were like, that is how we should run this.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s the interesting things with bands.
2
SPEAKER_01
You have popular bands that split and even.
2
SPEAKER_01
Even though it s clear that the contribution is not even.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s like there s a front man and all that kind of stuff, but it s ultimately the right thing to do to say fuck you to the money for the most part and prioritize the feelings.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, especially because like,
2
SPEAKER_00
I couldn t do it without him.
2
SPEAKER_00
He couldn t do it without me.
2
SPEAKER_00
We do it separately.
2
SPEAKER_00
We ll have guest bears on.
2
SPEAKER_00
Some will blow up, some won t.
2
SPEAKER_00
You can never figure it out, but when we re together, it does well.
2
SPEAKER_00
And so we need each other for it to work.
2
SPEAKER_00
And we ve, you know, like I said, we re on a handshake deal with two bears and no one likes that.
2
SPEAKER_00
But we re like, Hey, I mean, we, I don t like to the point where like, he ll call me and go, yo, we have a deal to do this for X amount.
2
SPEAKER_00
Are you in?
2
SPEAKER_00
And I go, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t check the books, I don t need to.
2
SPEAKER_00
I know him, I just know him.
2
SPEAKER_01
What do you love most about Tom Segura?
2
SPEAKER_00
We saw a gay couple one time.
2
SPEAKER_00
It was a good start.
2
SPEAKER_00
And one guy was in khakis and one guy was in jean shorts with a python around his neck.
2
SPEAKER_00
And Tom goes, if we were gay, which one would you be?
2
SPEAKER_00
I said, I m fucking python.
2
SPEAKER_00
And he was like, yeah, I m khaki.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I go, really?
2
SPEAKER_00
And he goes, yeah, that s why we work.
2
SPEAKER_00
And he goes, all relationships are for pythons and khakis.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I went, really?
2
SPEAKER_00
And he goes, look at you and Leanne.
2
SPEAKER_00
Who do you think you are?
2
SPEAKER_00
I go, I m python.
2
SPEAKER_00
And he goes, she s khaki.
2
SPEAKER_00
And he goes, me and Push?
2
SPEAKER_00
I go, oh, she s python.
2
SPEAKER_00
He goes, and I m khaki.
2
SPEAKER_00
He goes, I ll always be khaki.
2
SPEAKER_00
And sometimes I ll have a relationship around the python, but I m usually a khaki.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, yeah, I am a little bit of a lunatic.
2
SPEAKER_00
I ll tell you a moment that explains
2
SPEAKER_00
Me and him, the world will never see.
2
SPEAKER_00
It was just a great moment.
2
SPEAKER_00
We got stem cells with Rogan one weekend.
2
SPEAKER_00
And one day, and I d had surgery in my arm and I didn t want to do it.
2
SPEAKER_00
I was terrified.
2
SPEAKER_00
And Tom just said, just come out and meet up with us.
2
SPEAKER_00
Tom knew he was going to make me get them.
2
SPEAKER_00
And so I got them and he, you know, Joe s there.
2
SPEAKER_00
And so we re just all talking.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
And Tom can see that I m spinning out a little bit and I get in the car and, you know, Tom s got a Porsche.
2
SPEAKER_00
So we re like right next to each other.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I just want to feel if it s swollen and it is a little swollen because I just got an injection and then in Tom s driving and he s got his hand on the thing.
2
SPEAKER_00
He just puts his hand on my arm and he goes, you re okay.
2
SPEAKER_00
He s just, he s watching.
2
SPEAKER_00
He knows me so well that he knows that I m spinning out of control.
2
SPEAKER_00
He s like, you re okay.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then I was like, and I felt okay.
2
SPEAKER_00
I was like, you re right.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m okay.
2
SPEAKER_00
What the fuck am I doing?
2
SPEAKER_00
My brain s that brain.
2
SPEAKER_01
Man, that guy got so much love in him.
2
SPEAKER_00
Dude, he does.
2
SPEAKER_00
He has, you know, he had a fantastic relationship with his dad.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I think whatever that dude did to create that dude, he hit it out of the fucking park.
2
SPEAKER_00
Cause he has so much love that he doesn t need reciprocated, like at all.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like he can just love,
2
SPEAKER_00
And then it feels good for him to give and to take care of someone.
2
SPEAKER_00
And he started the whole birthday gift thing, and he didn t need to.
2
SPEAKER_00
He just was like, hey, man, I had this bike.
2
SPEAKER_00
I thought you d like it.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then, of course, I ve turned it into a fucking bit.
2
SPEAKER_00
And now we re upside down.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m 120 upside down on a fucking race car that we can t make our money back on.
2
SPEAKER_00
I love it.
2
SPEAKER_00
What do you love most about Joe Rogan?
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, that dude.
2
SPEAKER_00
I could go on and on about Joe Rogan.
2
SPEAKER_00
Joe Rogan is the most selfless individual.
2
SPEAKER_00
I ve ever met.
2
SPEAKER_00
He doesn t care if he has you on the podcast.
2
SPEAKER_00
He wants you to be the funniest person in the room.
2
SPEAKER_00
He wants you to be the smartest person in the room.
2
SPEAKER_00
Let me tell you something, Joe Rogan is 10 times smarter and funnier than me.
2
SPEAKER_00
He wants you to shine.
2
SPEAKER_00
He wants to put you over to his fans.
2
SPEAKER_00
That shit did not exist before he started doing his podcast.
2
SPEAKER_00
People didn t share you with their fans.
2
SPEAKER_00
No one was like, hey man, come on the road with me.
2
SPEAKER_00
They brought you on the road because they wanted you to suck.
2
SPEAKER_00
And they put you in bad scenarios.
2
SPEAKER_00
Joe Rogan wanted you to shine.
2
SPEAKER_00
He gave, he gave so many people beautiful career, gave them careers, gave them.
2
SPEAKER_00
Joe could have looked at his podcast as his thing.
2
SPEAKER_00
This is my thing.
2
SPEAKER_00
I bring on these guys.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m going to be the funniest guy in the fucking room.
2
SPEAKER_00
I know some guys that have done that.
2
SPEAKER_00
It might be me.
2
SPEAKER_00
It might be time I talk over people and not listen really well.
2
SPEAKER_00
Joe did the opposite.
2
SPEAKER_00
Now look, I ve tried to learn from Joe on my podcast and do the same.
2
SPEAKER_00
That guy, when you think about it, you name 10 of his friends, I bet eight of them are doing arenas right now.
2
SPEAKER_00
They re all doing theaters.
2
SPEAKER_00
All his friends do theaters.
2
SPEAKER_00
All his friends do theaters.
2
SPEAKER_00
He is just, you know, and he won t accept this compliment.
2
SPEAKER_00
I tried paying it to him in,
2
SPEAKER_00
in Austin, when I was in Austin last night.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, he s not good at accepting compliments.
2
SPEAKER_00
I gave him a gift, too, and I said, hey, I need to show you.
2
SPEAKER_00
I can t just tell you this because it s going to fall on deaf ears.
2
SPEAKER_00
I need to give you a minute so you have something so you know that I think about you and I m grateful for having you in my life a lot for many reasons.
2
SPEAKER_00
I d have more friends in my life because of you.
2
SPEAKER_00
He taught me how to trust people again.
2
SPEAKER_00
I have a career because of you.
2
SPEAKER_00
I have a major motion picture because of you.
2
SPEAKER_00
I do arenas because of you.
2
SPEAKER_00
Without you in my life, a lot of these things maybe never would have happened.
2
SPEAKER_00
I never would have told the machine on stage.
2
SPEAKER_00
I wouldn t have gotten, I would have never started a podcast.
2
SPEAKER_00
I wouldn t have three podcasts.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like, I mean, all these things are things
2
SPEAKER_00
He not just he didn t just take me to the water one time and give me a drink He he gave me a machete and he said this is how I get to the water You got to put your own path, but just give me a heads up.
2
SPEAKER_00
You can also use my path whenever you want
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, he is the most selfless individual.
2
SPEAKER_00
He will go down in history as one of the 10 most important people in stand-up comedy, without a doubt.
2
SPEAKER_00
He changed the game.
2
SPEAKER_00
It didn t exist like this before him.
2
SPEAKER_00
And he won t accept that compliment.
2
SPEAKER_00
What was the gift you gave him?
2
SPEAKER_00
I can t tell you.
2
SPEAKER_01
Was it a dildo?
2
SPEAKER_00
It was a dildo.
2
SPEAKER_00
A double-sided dildo.
2
SPEAKER_00
I go, hey, when you get free time, can we scissor fuck each other?
2
SPEAKER_01
You re happily married for 19 years, so I think you re a good man to ask, how do you find love?
2
SPEAKER_01
How do you find, how do you date in order to find the love of your life, of a lifetime?
2
SPEAKER_00
This is gonna sound off.
2
SPEAKER_00
But don t, don t tie yourself down, meaning like, don t spend time
2
SPEAKER_00
Fucking with those little mini shrimp and peel them every night when you know, you re looking for a lobster Yeah, like and so I think what happens a lot of guys They just they re so busy and like just getting pussy and going from here to here to here.
2
SPEAKER_00
I was never that guy I always wanted I always wanted to find someone who understood me.
2
SPEAKER_00
I always wanted that and so, you know granted I haven t had sex with a lot of chicks, but that s
2
SPEAKER_00
And it s not by choice.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m saying like maybe there was times I would have done it, but I know that I was always looking for someone to figure out, to get me.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then I will say this, when you know, you know.
2
SPEAKER_00
When you know, you know.
2
SPEAKER_00
When you think there s, I can t imagine a life without this person.
2
SPEAKER_00
That happened to me, and I can only say my experiences.
2
SPEAKER_00
I had Leanne, I loved her, and I didn t even realize it.
2
SPEAKER_00
And the second she dumped me, I went, oh, no, no, no, no, no.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, I don t get to live a great life without her.
2
SPEAKER_00
She s the thing that s going to give me a great life.
2
SPEAKER_00
I knew it.
2
SPEAKER_00
undisputed.
2
SPEAKER_00
I went for a run and she dumped me.
2
SPEAKER_00
I went to my shower.
2
SPEAKER_00
I cried.
2
SPEAKER_00
I went to Barnes & Noble.
2
SPEAKER_00
I bought Men Are From Venus and Women Are From Mars.
2
SPEAKER_00
I watched Fight Club in my closet.
2
SPEAKER_00
I didn t drink.
2
SPEAKER_00
I drank a lot of NyQuil to sleep.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then I went for a hike in Runyon Canyon.
2
SPEAKER_00
I was running back down Outpost by Benaflex House, and the sun was setting, and I just said, God, if you re listening,
2
SPEAKER_00
Just give me this chick back.
2
SPEAKER_00
I ll never fuck it up.
2
SPEAKER_00
This is the one.
2
SPEAKER_00
I won t fuck it up.
2
SPEAKER_00
I won t cheat.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m not going to be a bad dude.
2
SPEAKER_00
I want to have kids with her.
2
SPEAKER_00
I ll be there.
2
SPEAKER_00
I ll be a great fucking dude.
2
SPEAKER_00
I ll take her out on dates.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like I ll love this chick.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I got home and she was in my room in a sundress.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, oh, fuck you.
2
SPEAKER_00
I didn t know he was real.
2
SPEAKER_00
I was like, shit, man, give me like one more night.
2
SPEAKER_00
Let me get some strange tail real quick before I commit forever.
2
SPEAKER_00
But I think when you know, you know.
2
SPEAKER_00
This is so silly, but I follow that in business.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like, when you know you know, and like, my assistant s with us, and someone goes, how do you find a good assistant?
2
SPEAKER_00
And I go, when you know you know.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like, people will show you who they are.
2
SPEAKER_00
I can tell you when I fell in love with my assistant.
2
SPEAKER_00
We were doing a TV show, and we worked past dinner, and all the dinner places were closed.
2
SPEAKER_00
And he just said, hey, I got like four meals.
2
SPEAKER_00
I didn t know which one you d want, so I got four different meals for you.
2
SPEAKER_00
I ordered them, they re up in your room, and just let me know whichever you want, and I ll take care of the rest of them.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, oh, that dude thinks about other people before himself.
2
SPEAKER_00
He didn t even get himself dinner.
2
SPEAKER_00
He just got me four dinners.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, fuck.
2
SPEAKER_00
I did the same thing with my social media manager.
2
SPEAKER_00
The way she was operating was I was like, I feel like she s thinking about me.
2
SPEAKER_00
And we connected on so many levels, on so many levels.
2
SPEAKER_00
I could talk to her about things and ideas I had.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then I was like, okay, I want her, I want him.
2
SPEAKER_00
I think it s gotta be that thing when you know you know.
2
SPEAKER_00
And it can be so simple as like,
2
SPEAKER_00
like a personal trainer or like a jujitsu class or like just where you go, oh, I m connecting right now.
2
SPEAKER_01
But you have to allow yourself to notice that person.
2
SPEAKER_00
I think you do.
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I think you have to put yourself out there and you have to be available for it.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s the hardest part is just being available for it.
2
SPEAKER_00
Because so many people just want to be busy just dating.
2
SPEAKER_00
I just want to have someone in my life.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t want to be bored.
2
SPEAKER_00
What if I die alone?
2
SPEAKER_00
Just be available for it.
2
SPEAKER_00
What is it you said?
2
SPEAKER_01
Peeling the baby shrimp?
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
When you could be having a lobster?
2
SPEAKER_01
Lobster s still a lot of work, I have to say.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, but it s lobster.
2
SPEAKER_00
This is a fucking baby shrimp.
2
SPEAKER_00
You ever get the ones in Brazil where you just go, fuck it, I ll eat the shell.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t care anymore.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like, I m so fucking hungry, and you just handful a lobster like it s popcorn, or baby shrimp like it s popcorn.
2
SPEAKER_00
I ve done that in Vietnam, I ve done that, where I just go, it s too much work.
2
SPEAKER_01
So when you re in it, what s the secret to a successful marriage?
2
SPEAKER_01
What do women want, Burt Kreischer?
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, fuck, I m the wrong guy to answer that.
2
SPEAKER_01
I think... How to Make Love to a Woman, by Burt Kreischer.
2
SPEAKER_00
How do you make love to a woman?
2
SPEAKER_00
I ll tell you how I do it.
2
SPEAKER_00
I go down on her first.
2
SPEAKER_00
Make sure she has an orgasm.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, and then I get my turn and that s over pretty quick It s like it s like get your ears pierced.
2
SPEAKER_00
It ll feel a little prick and it s over I Don t know if I ve done a great job Keeping her happy.
2
SPEAKER_00
I think I keep her interested like I think I I I I
2
SPEAKER_00
Keep her occupied.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like I m like a little bit of a rodeo clown.
2
SPEAKER_00
Mm-hmm.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like I don t know I mean like I know we re happy right now.
2
SPEAKER_00
I know we re really happy But I don t know if I ever did as good a job as she did like she s always been
2
SPEAKER_00
Like she s always been a gangster, like done, did everything, just does everything.
2
SPEAKER_00
She does it all.
2
SPEAKER_00
She does everything, like fucking everything.
2
SPEAKER_00
And she loves it.
2
SPEAKER_00
She just does it.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then she shows love for you by taking care of you.
2
SPEAKER_00
And so like, I have a lot of times just been this like, almost like step and repeat husband where it s like, I come in to take a picture, like, hey, Monday, Tuesday.
2
SPEAKER_00
All right, I m on the road Wednesday.
2
SPEAKER_00
Take care guys.
2
SPEAKER_00
Or like travel channel, I d live for two weeks at a time.
2
SPEAKER_00
I left for the movie for three months.
2
SPEAKER_00
So like,
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t know that I ve ever done a bang up job.
2
SPEAKER_00
I remember one time I was just like, I don t cheat on her.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t hit her.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t yell at her.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m a pretty good fighter.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m a really good fighter.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m good at going like, hey, we re on the same team.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, you mean de-escalation.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m really good at like, I m very self, I m very accountable.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m very self-correcting.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like if we re in a fight and she points something out and I go, oh, you re right.
2
SPEAKER_00
I go, fuck, you re right about that.
2
SPEAKER_00
You re right.
2
SPEAKER_00
You re totally right.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, in the moment.
2
SPEAKER_00
In the moment, I m really good at that.
2
SPEAKER_00
And my wife s not.
2
SPEAKER_00
She s not a good apologizer.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like she needs to sleep on an apology and then she can do it.
2
SPEAKER_00
I can apologize in the moment if I realize I m wrong.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I m really quick to find my fault.
2
SPEAKER_00
I look for my fault because I go, tell me what I did.
2
SPEAKER_00
Adversely as a parent,
2
SPEAKER_00
I have pulled my daughters aside and been like, yo, that wasn t you.
2
SPEAKER_00
That was mom.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m giving you a heads up.
2
SPEAKER_00
Because I got really confused as a kid because my dad always made sure I knew I was wrong.
2
SPEAKER_00
And sometimes I wasn t.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then as a kid, you re kind of fucked up.
2
SPEAKER_00
You re like, well, how do I know if I m wrong?
2
SPEAKER_00
And I think that raises, so I was really good with my girls going like, yo.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then parenting Georgia taught me a lot about self-correcting.
2
SPEAKER_01
Self-correcting was that?
2
SPEAKER_00
My oldest.
2
SPEAKER_00
And only if I parented like my dad parented, like just like raise your voice, get up to here, that s it.
2
SPEAKER_00
No, that doesn t, fuck this.
2
SPEAKER_00
How come the dogs don t have goddamn leashes or collars on their necks?
2
SPEAKER_00
And so with Georgia, I had to learn through therapy that if the consequence is here and the highest it goes is here, then why the fuck wouldn t they lie and do everything?
2
SPEAKER_00
Because they go, well, I know what it s like to hear, but if you can vary your consequence with a child,
2
SPEAKER_00
And find some conversation in it.
2
SPEAKER_00
And all of a sudden they re like, well, fuck, well, I don t want to likes this.
2
SPEAKER_00
This does suck.
2
SPEAKER_00
I like this.
2
SPEAKER_00
I like, where are we talking?
2
SPEAKER_00
He says.
3
SPEAKER_01
Write a thousand words on why driving around your kids in a car, kids in a car is bad.
3
SPEAKER_01
So threaten extreme violence every once in a while just to... Yeah, let them know the dog can fucking bite.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
The dog can bark, the dog can bite.
3
SPEAKER_01
But if you pet him on his belly, he ll wag its tail.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Do you worry about being away too much?
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean, you re one of the most creative content pushers and creators out there.
3
SPEAKER_00
You re just constantly innovating, constantly putting stuff out there, but do you worry that pulls you away from the mundane experience of life that can bring contentment and happiness?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I feel like sometimes it cannibalizes your real life, where you start going, you start thinking in promo videos, or you start looking at a vacation as a bit.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, we should go ziplining.
3
SPEAKER_01
Why don t you do, what shoes are you wearing?
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, it can definitely cannibalize your life.
3
SPEAKER_01
My wife s really good at going like, no, like no phones.
3
SPEAKER_01
The girls are really good.
3
SPEAKER_01
The girls, when I started Instagramming stuff, they started saying stuff like,
3
SPEAKER_01
Dad hits mom, and I m like, whoa, whoa, whoa, guys.
3
SPEAKER_01
They re like, no, put your phone away.
3
SPEAKER_00
Dad and Les boys, and I m like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
3
SPEAKER_00
What are some secrets, words of wisdom you can say for how to be successful online and everything you ve learned?
3
SPEAKER_00
You re kind of like the Mr. Beast of comedy, just innovating constantly in terms of how to promote stuff, in terms of how to present stuff across the different social media, across YouTube, podcasts, all that stuff.
3
SPEAKER_01
I think the number one thing is, don t be afraid to suck.
3
SPEAKER_01
No one sees the shit that sucks.
3
SPEAKER_01
It doesn t get views.
3
SPEAKER_01
It just gets forgotten.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it gets forgotten.
3
SPEAKER_01
The good stuff they remember, and then that s all they bring up.
3
SPEAKER_01
The stuff that sucks just goes away, and they re like, oh yeah, did you do that?
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t even think I saw that.
3
SPEAKER_01
Fuck it, who cares?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
You know, it s like, I watched, one of my favorite stories about this is a guy named Sean Patton.
3
SPEAKER_01
I was explaining Instagram stories to him and Ari and Mark Norman, and I was explaining that you can now sell tickets on Instagram stories.
3
SPEAKER_01
It was back when they swiped up, instead of tap the button, it was swipe up.
3
SPEAKER_01
And they didn t understand it.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I said, let me show you.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I put up tickets for sale.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I said, hey guys, swipe up.
3
SPEAKER_01
And then I just showed them in 10 minutes, look, this is how many people swiped up.
3
SPEAKER_01
It was 145 people.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s a lot of people to buy tickets for a fucking comedy club.
3
SPEAKER_01
And they were like, whoa.
3
SPEAKER_01
And they re like, what do you do stories about?
3
SPEAKER_01
I go, fucking anything.
3
SPEAKER_01
Who gives a shit?
3
SPEAKER_01
Just anything.
3
SPEAKER_01
And some things work, some things don t.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I watched Sean Patton, shout out to Sean Patton, try for about 15 minutes to do an Instagram story about his cup of tea.
3
SPEAKER_01
He was making a cup of tea, and he was making, and he kept going, hey, you got, okay, hold on, hold on, let me.
3
SPEAKER_01
I was filming him from the couch.
3
SPEAKER_01
I was filming all these attempts.
3
SPEAKER_01
I filmed every single one of them.
3
SPEAKER_01
I have like 15 different stories of him trying to do that.
3
SPEAKER_01
I had 145,000 views on each story.
3
SPEAKER_01
He never posted it.
3
SPEAKER_01
He never posted it.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, I was like, man, if he had just posted that one, he never posted anything in his stories.
3
SPEAKER_01
That one, 145,000 people would have gone to his story to see that cup of tea being made and see which one he finally went with.
3
SPEAKER_01
And so sometimes I think the biggest mistake you can make is just not doing it.
3
SPEAKER_01
Just do it, just post it.
3
SPEAKER_01
Turn the camera on, the idea will show up.
3
SPEAKER_01
And that s the number one thing.
3
SPEAKER_01
Just turn the camera on and it ll come up.
3
SPEAKER_01
You ll figure it out.
3
SPEAKER_00
Do you do multiple takes or no?
3
SPEAKER_01
Maybe I do three like and I m talking even like in them with the dance video I did where I did the hip-hop dance.
3
SPEAKER_01
I did two takes on that With what I ve had the marching band come to my house.
3
SPEAKER_01
I did two takes on that Once you start doing more takes you lose the fun of it.
3
SPEAKER_01
I think and And then the fun ones.
3
SPEAKER_01
I mean my favorite one I ve ever done without a doubt my favorite promo I ve ever done is
3
SPEAKER_01
I needed, they added a second show in some city, and they added a second show like Friday and Saturday, or third show.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I said, they just told me, I was like, fuck, I m leaving tomorrow, I need to sell tickets.
3
SPEAKER_01
So I said, real quick, girls, meet me outside, and Leanne s like, the girls are doing homework, I gotta go take five seconds.
3
SPEAKER_01
I put on a Speedo, I got the American flag.
3
SPEAKER_01
I gave Isla the hose, I gave Leanne the leaf blower, and I gave Georgia the drone.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I just had Georgia drone it back to reveal the leaf blower and the mist you were seeing was coming from Isla and Leanne.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m going to speed it with the American flag.
3
SPEAKER_01
I have Bob Seger playing, rambling, grambling man.
3
SPEAKER_01
And that night, Larry the cable guy texted me and he goes, this is fucking genius.
3
SPEAKER_01
And it was just like, yo, let s just shoot something.
3
SPEAKER_01
Who gives a fuck?
3
SPEAKER_01
like just shoot something just just just say something and and and put a little just do a little movement into it and And those are my back and that was I used to be I watched a bunch of my promo clips back from back in the day I used to be really good now.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s like I m promoting so fucking many things.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m just like I m almost like I m exhausted about my promotions yeah, because you know the the well can dry up in terms of ideas and
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, and it s like how many times am I going to show a picture of my ass?
3
SPEAKER_01
My ass sells really good.
3
SPEAKER_01
Whatever my ass is on Instagram, fucking million views guaranteed.
3
SPEAKER_01
A million views.
3
SPEAKER_01
Your ass.
3
SPEAKER_01
And it s an active post.
3
SPEAKER_01
People are like, I did the best one I did the other day was where I superimposed my ass on my front, and it just looked beautiful.
3
SPEAKER_01
No views.
3
SPEAKER_01
I ll say you got reported.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, I look like a front vagina.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, is that what it was?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I think so.
3
SPEAKER_01
But like, but yeah, my ass like I m in a place right now where I am promoting
3
SPEAKER_01
I ll be promoting this movie until it goes to a streamer.
3
SPEAKER_01
I ll be promoting it shamelessly.
3
SPEAKER_01
I am proud of it.
3
SPEAKER_01
I had a great time shooting it.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s in theaters.
3
SPEAKER_01
It ll be on video-on-demand.
3
SPEAKER_01
It ll be on a streamer, I m sure.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t know, but I m sure.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m promoting Fully Loaded, my summer festival with 19 different comics.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m promoting the Topsoft World Tour that starts again this fall.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m promoting my cruise, the Fully Loaded cruise.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m promoting Red Rocks.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m promoting so many things.
3
SPEAKER_01
that today was the very first time in my career where I said, in January, I m gonna take a break.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m gonna take a break and go like, hey man, let s get your resting heart rate down.
3
SPEAKER_01
Let s get some sleep.
3
SPEAKER_01
Let s maybe take off like three months from drinking.
3
SPEAKER_01
Let s just really slow it down and also not think, when you re thinking in promo all the time,
3
SPEAKER_01
It can be a little exhausting.
3
SPEAKER_01
I mean, you think it s exhausting to look at my feet.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s exhausting to be my feet.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m my feet.
3
SPEAKER_00
Sometimes less is more.
3
SPEAKER_00
One of the things that inspires me about Rogan, for example, is
3
SPEAKER_00
He almost never does this kind of stuff.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
And how seldomly does his podcast?
3
SPEAKER_01
Cause you re right.
3
SPEAKER_01
Less is more.
3
SPEAKER_01
What does he do it like once a month?
3
SPEAKER_01
No, he does it three times a fucking week.
3
SPEAKER_00
More is perfect.
3
SPEAKER_00
But for example, when he does like a story or something like this, he does one take.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s kind of shitty.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s the same day.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s the same.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s elk with a bunch of jalapenos, a knife that he had sent to him by a fucking knife maker.
3
SPEAKER_01
And him going, look at this, look at this Traeger smoker.
3
SPEAKER_01
I reverse seared this.
3
SPEAKER_01
This is what s great.
3
SPEAKER_01
Look at this.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m about to put it in the butter.
3
SPEAKER_01
And like, this is grass fed butter.
3
SPEAKER_01
This elk really raises my testosterone.
3
SPEAKER_01
Rogan is it s you re right with guys like Rogan when he does do a story.
3
SPEAKER_01
They re a little precious.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I don t think he s ever done a second take at any of those stories.
3
SPEAKER_00
No.
3
SPEAKER_01
There s a you have to really admire that like if the shot is framed poorly if the audio sucks doesn t matter Did you remember when he this is like like I can get in the weeds on Rogan but and especially when it s Instagram Do you remember when he got his polar plunge and he couldn t sit in a minute?
3
SPEAKER_01
And then the next day and then he must have gotten it on the internet bad.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, he must have gotten it bad.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I
3
SPEAKER_01
The next day, he sat there for 20 minutes and he lowered his core temperature by like two degrees, and it took him like a month to get that back.
3
SPEAKER_01
That is that fucking man.
3
SPEAKER_01
What an interesting... I told you at the beginning, we were just talking, I really enjoy... I draw inspiration from men I m not like.
3
SPEAKER_01
You, David Goggins, Cam Haines, um, Andrew Huberman.
3
SPEAKER_01
I love, uh, uh, uh, fucking, I mean, there s so many guys like that Rogan, you know, Tim Kennedy.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like there are a lot of guys that are like just very different men than me.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I love Jocko Wilnick.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like I love.
3
SPEAKER_01
I love reading their stuff or listening to their audiobooks or listening to their podcasts because I m so not like that.
3
SPEAKER_01
But for me, when I add a little bit of that in my life, like I remember you went – I don t know what you were doing, but you were walking us through your day and it was so
3
SPEAKER_01
fascinating It was like it was like I ran eight miles today.
3
SPEAKER_01
I listened to an audiobook I was running eight miles and then I came and I worked for about three hours straight on AI stuff and I m like and I was like But you sat at a desk like you like sat at a desk and like and I actually
3
SPEAKER_01
I wouldn t even know what to do.
3
SPEAKER_01
I would start doing crafts, like I wouldn t... that you went... I was like, is there a computer?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Have you sat for like four hours focused on a single task?
3
SPEAKER_00
Me?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
No.
3
SPEAKER_01
No, I have a hard time sleeping for four hours.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t have that...
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t have a brain that like... I really admired it when I listened to you do it, because then you were like... You were fasting at the time, you were doing your fast, and then you talk about what you ate.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I was jealous, I wanted to be able to be like that.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I think at that time we started... I think you were doing maybe bone broth or something?
3
SPEAKER_01
And we started doing bone broth pretty religiously and adding that into a fast, because I was like,
3
SPEAKER_01
It does, for someone like me, it does feel cool to add a little bit of control into life.
3
SPEAKER_00
So integrating a little bit of a way of being from another person that you re not like.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, like so David Goggins is consistently pushing himself.
3
SPEAKER_01
I love, I did it over the pandemic more, but I loved going, today I m running a marathon.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m gonna get on the treadmill, and it s not gonna be all at once, but I m gonna get through a marathon today.
3
SPEAKER_01
So let s get up, get up at six, grab some coffee, and let s see if we can do like five miles, and then know that we started there.
3
SPEAKER_01
And that was really fun.
3
SPEAKER_01
Cam Haines does that too, where he goes like,
3
SPEAKER_01
He almost just sets the limit and then achieves that.
3
SPEAKER_01
His son Truett is really fascinating because his son Truett right now is trying to get the, and like, I bet people would never think that this is who I watch, but I get real inspiration from those people because I showed Jocko, I showed a clip to Jocko, to Isla, because Isla s like me, like a person of her fluids, impulse.
3
SPEAKER_01
I walked in on her one time, she was in the pantry in a bathrobe,
3
SPEAKER_01
in the dark drinking a root beer.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I opened the door and she went, I said, what?
3
SPEAKER_01
She goes, I thought you were mom.
3
SPEAKER_01
Shut the door.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I shut the door to let her finish the root beer.
3
SPEAKER_01
She has a hard time waking up.
3
SPEAKER_01
So I go, Isla, come in here.
3
SPEAKER_01
I want you to see this clip from Jocko.
3
SPEAKER_01
She goes, who s Jocko?
3
SPEAKER_01
I said, he s a Navy SEAL.
3
SPEAKER_01
She goes, he works at the zoo?
3
SPEAKER_01
I went, no.
3
SPEAKER_01
I said, Navy fucking SEAL.
3
SPEAKER_01
I go, it s a badass job.
3
SPEAKER_01
She goes, it s a silly name.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I went, no, it s not.
3
SPEAKER_01
It isn t a silly name.
3
SPEAKER_01
These guys are the toughest dudes in the world.
3
SPEAKER_00
She goes- She s kind of right, though, about the silly name.
3
SPEAKER_00
I never even realized that.
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
You talk to a child.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
And so I go, watch this, what he says about waking up.
3
SPEAKER_01
So he hits the thing and the jockey goes, first thing you do when you hear that alarm clock,
3
SPEAKER_01
You could roll over, you could go back to bed, you could hit snooze, but you get out of bed and that s your first victory.
3
SPEAKER_01
And Isla hits pause and she goes, how great is that nap right after you hit snooze, though?
3
SPEAKER_01
It is pretty funny.
3
SPEAKER_01
I go, hang on, you re missing the point.
3
SPEAKER_01
You re missing this whole speech.
3
SPEAKER_01
He s with Casey Neistat when he s telling this speech.
3
SPEAKER_01
He s with Casey Neistat.
3
SPEAKER_01
And so I hit it.
3
SPEAKER_01
And then he goes, and then you ve got a victory under your belt.
3
SPEAKER_01
Then you go to the gym and you work out.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I go, are you listening to this, Isla?
3
SPEAKER_01
And she goes, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
And he goes, and then when you go to the work, now you ve got two victories.
3
SPEAKER_01
You ve worked out and you ve woken up on time.
3
SPEAKER_01
You didn t hit that snooze button.
3
SPEAKER_01
So when you go into that break room and you see Donuts, and she hits pause, she goes, if he s about to say no to Donuts, I m done listening.
3
SPEAKER_01
I go, he s definitely going to say no to Donuts.
3
SPEAKER_01
Do you think he s going to have a donut?
3
SPEAKER_01
And she goes,
3
SPEAKER_01
You like this guy?
3
SPEAKER_01
I go, I fucking love him.
3
SPEAKER_01
And she goes, do you think he d like you?
3
SPEAKER_01
And I go, what do you mean?
3
SPEAKER_01
She goes, dad, you hit snooze, you skip working out and you love donuts.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I m like, yeah, you re making a good fucking point.
3
SPEAKER_01
I go, but I, but I do love that.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, I love to watch that brain work and go like,
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, I don t hit snooze.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, I don t hit snooze now.
3
SPEAKER_01
I go, fuck it, because I m up.
3
SPEAKER_01
And then I go to the gym every single morning.
3
SPEAKER_01
I go to the gym every single morning.
3
SPEAKER_01
And today is National Donut Day.
3
SPEAKER_01
I didn t have a donut.
3
SPEAKER_01
And so I try to apply these a little bit, because the other side of me is like, tonight, after we do this, I ll do another podcast.
3
SPEAKER_01
And then I m going to call Leanne and go, yo, we re in Beverly Hills.
3
SPEAKER_01
Meet me out here.
3
SPEAKER_01
Let s go have drinks.
3
SPEAKER_01
Let s go have a fucking couple Campari spritz.
3
SPEAKER_01
I was over at a friend s house and overnight, let s get some edibles and let s fucking have a night about it, get some sushi, go have sex in the hot tub, and I gotta work out at fucking 10 in the morning.
3
SPEAKER_00
I gotta tell you, that nap, when you press snooze, is the sweetest.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s my victory, first victory, is pressing snooze and getting a nap under the belt.
3
SPEAKER_01
Have you ever had, I had, so this morning I didn t work out.
3
SPEAKER_01
I d press at like five in the morning until about six.
3
SPEAKER_01
You re going hard right now.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then I had a podcast.
3
SPEAKER_00
I saw you flew to Austin.
3
SPEAKER_00
I was like, what?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
What?
3
SPEAKER_01
Just run around theaters and now you re back.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, run around theaters to do, to promote the movie and then, look, you only get one shot at these movies, so you might as well do, and look, it s really hard to get people to go into a movie theater right now.
3
SPEAKER_01
And so I woke up at like six, five or six to seven, did press, and then I went,
3
SPEAKER_01
And I said, and I m really into a podcast, a history podcast right now.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I was listening to this one about the conquistadors.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, when I woke up, I was like, I wouldn t mind going back to that.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I said, I ll tell you what, I m gonna take a little nap and go.
3
SPEAKER_01
Now, I slept good last night.
3
SPEAKER_01
I slept like seven hours last night.
3
SPEAKER_01
Boy, that 30-minute nap, it felt like five hours.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I woke up going,
3
SPEAKER_01
I gotta readjust my sleep score.
3
SPEAKER_01
That has to be in the 97.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s the best fucking nap.
3
SPEAKER_01
Those little snooze naps are monsters.
3
SPEAKER_00
You know, there s, I don t care.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s probably for me, one of the peak experiences of life is those naps.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know what that is.
3
SPEAKER_00
Have you ever slept in a tour bus?
3
SPEAKER_00
A tour bus versus a regular bus?
3
SPEAKER_01
Like a tour bus, like meaning like in a bunk.
3
SPEAKER_00
No.
3
SPEAKER_00
I ve taken a lot of buses in my life, though.
3
SPEAKER_00
What do you mean, like, just like a Greyhound?
3
SPEAKER_00
A Greyhound.
3
SPEAKER_00
Those are very different.
3
SPEAKER_00
And public transit.
3
SPEAKER_00
Where people pick your pocket.
3
SPEAKER_00
Listen, Dave.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s just part of life in a Greyhound.
3
SPEAKER_01
I was on a Greyhound one time.
3
SPEAKER_00
Don t put stuff in your pockets.
3
SPEAKER_01
I was on a Greyhound one time, right, when Notorious B.I.G.
3
SPEAKER_01
 s album came out in college.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I was going from Tallahassee down to Tampa.
3
SPEAKER_01
And the dude got on the tour bus, got on the bus next to me, black dude.
3
SPEAKER_01
And he sat down, he said,
3
SPEAKER_01
Where you headed?
3
SPEAKER_01
And I said, Tampa.
3
SPEAKER_01
He said, you grew up in Tampa?
3
SPEAKER_01
I said, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
I said, you?
3
SPEAKER_01
And he goes, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
I said, you go to school at FAM?
3
SPEAKER_01
And the kids at FAM Unifor say the two schools, one s black, one s white.
3
SPEAKER_01
And he goes, no, I just got out of prison.
3
SPEAKER_01
I said, you got out of prison?
3
SPEAKER_01
And he goes, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, man, I got out of prison.
3
SPEAKER_01
I stabbed a dude, and I ve been in prison.
3
SPEAKER_01
I just got out today.
3
SPEAKER_01
He goes, what are you listening to?
3
SPEAKER_01
I said, notorious big and he goes, Oh shit, that s out.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I went, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
And he goes, I want to hear it.
3
SPEAKER_01
Can I hear it?
3
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
And he used my headsets, the whole bus ride to Tampa.
3
SPEAKER_01
I didn t have the Bob s like, he s tapped a man.
3
SPEAKER_01
They re yours now.
3
SPEAKER_01
I just sat next to him and I was like, is he, are you enjoying it?
3
SPEAKER_01
He s like, this is good.
3
SPEAKER_01
No tour bus naps.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
When you re in a bunk.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s ice cold bus isn t moving five o clock.
3
SPEAKER_01
You got like we work out from like up until like five o clock Five-thirty show starts at seven, but that five o clock to six six-thirty nap It s pitch black it s like a coffin and it is ice cold and you got all your pillows and blankets in there and you put a little history podcast on in the corner and you just listen to like
3
SPEAKER_01
Kurt Mombashi or like oh my god.
3
SPEAKER_00
So you re talking about like 5 6 p.m.
3
SPEAKER_00
for some
4
SPEAKER_01
It s the best nap you ll ever have.
4
SPEAKER_01
You wake up so refreshed.
4
SPEAKER_01
I ve woken up from naps where I m like, fuck yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
Those tour bus naps are the best naps.
4
SPEAKER_00
I think having a full productive day, and then 5, 6 p.m., you do a nap, and then you do something really stressful after that, like a show.
4
SPEAKER_00
I really like doing podcasts late at night.
4
SPEAKER_00
after a nap.
4
SPEAKER_01
I think I fucked up my podcast rhythm because we re doing them in the day.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
And so sometimes I m just like, if I work out in the morning, I m good on a podcast, but if I don t work out, I suck on a podcast.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m just like, uh-huh.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
That s cool.
4
SPEAKER_01
No, my favorite is, I used to do this a lot, I haven t done it in a while, is
4
SPEAKER_01
a full busy day, nap at home, box of wine on the treadmill, and do that until like midnight.
4
SPEAKER_01
Watching TV, box of wine.
4
SPEAKER_00
Box of wine on a treadmill.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s the best.
4
SPEAKER_00
Wait, how are you sipping it, Jake?
4
SPEAKER_01
You have a glass, but you have a box.
4
SPEAKER_01
The box fits on the corner on the treadmill, so you got a little spigot, and you sit there and just put on
4
SPEAKER_01
Like guys grocery games or like just something.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s like a you walk in or are you running?
4
SPEAKER_01
I walk I walk like a three five So what will happen is if you start at three start at three?
4
SPEAKER_01
Casual walk 20 minutes you get a mile in and then you and you re gonna feel loose get up to a three five
4
SPEAKER_01
You can do seven miles on these things and you re just enjoying your night.
4
SPEAKER_01
Especially like my wife, back in the day when we lived in our old house, my wife would come into the man cave and she d sit on the couch and we d watch TV together and like watch Game of Thrones and you just like for an hour and you just get on the treadmill and do it.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh man, I loved.
4
SPEAKER_01
Haven t done that as much lately.
4
SPEAKER_01
That was the fucking best.
4
SPEAKER_00
So you can lose yourself, you can forget yourself.
4
SPEAKER_01
You forget you re on a treadmill and you just start like walking and you re sweating and you re having wine and then at certain points you re like,
4
SPEAKER_01
Like you start jogging, especially like we were watching, Not All Quiet on the Western Front.
4
SPEAKER_01
What s the one where they ve gotta get the message to the front line?
4
SPEAKER_01
I would run like I was in World War II.
4
SPEAKER_01
I would run when they would run, and it was fucking awesome.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I would be like, because they were doing drinks, they d be like, take a drink, you gotta run up there.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I d be like, okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I m really into history podcasts right now.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like I ve been in them for a while.
4
SPEAKER_01
20th century or everything?
4
SPEAKER_01
Everything, everything.
4
SPEAKER_01
I listened to, was it Marcus Aurelius and Cleopatra?
4
SPEAKER_01
Mm-hmm.
4
SPEAKER_01
Today.
4
SPEAKER_01
In the middle of the podcast, they re like, you know, just so you know, Cleopatra wasn t as hot as everyone says.
4
SPEAKER_01
I was like, why are you saying that?
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, tell me she s a six, she looks like Snooki.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like, let me dream that she looks like Kim Kardashian.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then I listened to that one today.
4
SPEAKER_00
I listen to World War II a lot.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh.
4
SPEAKER_00
A lot of books on World War II, a lot of podcasts about it.
4
SPEAKER_01
What s your favorite theater, the Pacific or European?
4
SPEAKER_00
No, European.
4
SPEAKER_00
Pacific, well, because my family, so much of it has died in that theater.
4
SPEAKER_00
Dude, so much of it.
4
SPEAKER_00
I hate to sound cliche, like a Marlon Schwartz thing in an 80s movie, but it s personal.
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, you know what I find funny about that?
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
Is Lenin,
4
SPEAKER_01
It was Lenin, right?
4
SPEAKER_01
John Lennon?
4
SPEAKER_01
No, no, no.
4
SPEAKER_01
Lenin was World War II, right?
4
SPEAKER_01
Or was it Stalin?
4
SPEAKER_01
Stalin.
4
SPEAKER_01
Stalin thought him and Hitler would be friends.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
I think that s so cute that he was like, we re gonna be buddies.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like we re boys.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then Hitler s like, oh, fuck you.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m Hitler, bro.
4
SPEAKER_01
This is what I do.
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, at first he was like, fuck yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah, yeah, we ll be friends.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah, sure, sure.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then call me, call me.
4
SPEAKER_01
Better yet, I ll show up in winter.
4
SPEAKER_01
How s that sound?
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, that, uh, that, uh, I find that I find all of that so fascinating.
4
SPEAKER_01
When I was a kid, I had a hard time understanding how, cause we were always at war with Russia when I was a kid.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I had a hard time understanding how we could be on the same team as Russia in World War II.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, wait, how did that turn South?
4
SPEAKER_01
And then you listen to podcasts.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
Um, that all of that, all of that, like,
4
SPEAKER_01
All of the World War II, I got really into the Pacific shit for a while, but I m really deep in the whole, we went to Normandy from the Cliffs of Dover, and to think, so that s the fucking beach.
4
SPEAKER_01
That s the fucking beach.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh shit.
4
SPEAKER_01
This is cold as fuck these dudes jumped in ice cold water Yeah, and this isn t like a cool beach like this is and it s just so insane To and then to see like the the it s pretty intense.
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t know why I got into history late in life I wasn t I was kind of into it, but I m really into it now and I love just learning a little something about
4
SPEAKER_01
You know, today was, I listened to like the, Noiser has a great history stuff.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s like history for dummies, I think.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like, I can t listen to the really smart stuff.
4
SPEAKER_01
It starts losing me.
4
SPEAKER_01
Too many names and I m gone.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Well, Dan Carlin s always the best.
4
SPEAKER_01
Your podcast with Dan Carlin was so fucking good.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I only know about Martin Luther because of Dan Carlin.
4
SPEAKER_01
I only know.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like, I made a joke about some Lutheran the other day.
4
SPEAKER_01
And everyone laughed and I was like, did you guys listen to the same podcast I did?
4
SPEAKER_01
Because I just am quoting Dan Carlin.
4
SPEAKER_01
I, that, his podcast.
4
SPEAKER_01
I mean, we all quoted the same shit about, uh, Genghis Khan about how he could shoot a dove off a horseback, but we knew that all four hoofs had to be off the ground at the same time they shot.
4
SPEAKER_01
They would sometimes take their meat and stick it under their saddles.
4
SPEAKER_01
And that, I mean, Dan Carlin is.
4
SPEAKER_01
He is the motherfucker.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
God, those were, man, discovering podcasts was the coolest time of my life.
4
SPEAKER_00
And the interesting thing about him is his audio.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so it s the voice.
4
SPEAKER_00
So for me, I mean, everybody has a story with a prostitute in a motel.
4
SPEAKER_00
Dan Carlin was my prostitute in the motel.
4
SPEAKER_00
I invited him to a motel.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t even remember, in the middle of nowhere, he shows up with that voice.
4
SPEAKER_00
And the rest is history.
4
SPEAKER_00
Things that we ll never know what happened.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh boy, did he like, no, I m just kidding.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m really running with it.
4
SPEAKER_00
But yes, we did, we got along.
4
SPEAKER_00
I mean, he s an incredibly kind and thoughtful person, constantly self-critical, thinking he s not good enough.
4
SPEAKER_00
He just works on those episodes forever.
4
SPEAKER_01
Forever.
4
SPEAKER_00
And he just thinks that there s these, just like with Goggins, there s these other historians that I think like weigh on him, like they re going to judge him or something like this in his mind.
4
SPEAKER_01
I talked about, I talked to them about Daniel Battaglia, and I guess,
4
SPEAKER_01
His thing is, I guess his hang-up is, Carlin s is, he s not like this, like, he doesn t feel like he s a real historian, but he is.
4
SPEAKER_01
I mean, it s the way he shares the story.
4
SPEAKER_01
Look, we had a history teacher in seventh grade who was a con artist, and he came and taught our seventh grade, and he was a total con artist.
4
SPEAKER_01
All he taught us about was barnstorming, barnstorming and the JFK assassination.
4
SPEAKER_01
I walked away having such an appreciation for barnstorming, a very small blip on Americana.
4
SPEAKER_01
But I know a lot about barnstorming because of this guy, because he was passionate about barnstorming.
4
SPEAKER_01
It was the funnest seventh grade history class I ve ever taken in my entire life.
4
SPEAKER_00
You mentioned tour bus.
4
SPEAKER_00
What s the best road trip you ve been on?
4
SPEAKER_00
Have you driven across the country, just you?
4
SPEAKER_00
No.
4
SPEAKER_01
We had one road trip in college.
4
SPEAKER_01
where a bar had burned down, and we found out that the alcohol was still in the bar.
4
SPEAKER_01
So we took my Jetta over to the bar, and we emptied out the bar of all the burnt-up liquor.
4
SPEAKER_01
We didn t know what anything was.
4
SPEAKER_01
We threw it into the trunk with no clothes, and we said, let s just start driving.
4
SPEAKER_01
And we drove from Tallahassee and ended up in West Virginia and just drove, just drove.
4
SPEAKER_01
It was like five dudes.
4
SPEAKER_01
We drank, one person drove.
4
SPEAKER_01
I wasn t a big drinker, and this sounds kind of crazy, I wasn t a big drinker in college until I went to Russia.
4
SPEAKER_01
And so I drove the majority of the way, and then we get somewhere.
4
SPEAKER_01
and we d get a hotel room and it was one of the most epic fucking weekends of just debauchery and chaos and I think we took mushrooms and we went down a river in tubes.
4
SPEAKER_00
So it s most about the bond between the five people versus like throwing yourself into
4
SPEAKER_01
Meeting like strangers in this kind of stuff Yeah, and it was when it was when I was like I was trying to be a poet at that time and so like we were actual poetry Yeah, it s really bad part of my life.
4
SPEAKER_01
I was just well you were like is like music is there to somewhere Yeah, I tried to be in a band too that didn t work out the way I wanted it to I just was never I always was I was never the I m not a good serious person
4
SPEAKER_01
Like I m a good funny person.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m good to be the fool, but I m not good when I try to be serious, it looks foolish.
4
SPEAKER_01
And so even like, you know, someone said, uh, showed me throwing out the first pitch the other day as something.
4
SPEAKER_01
And all I could see is my gut flying everywhere.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, that s why it went viral.
4
SPEAKER_01
I was like, fuck, I thought it was my throwing style.
4
SPEAKER_01
That was a pretty Epic one.
4
SPEAKER_01
The best road trips I ever took was during the pandemic, during the pandemic, when we were, when, when we would, we re doing that drive and movie theater tour.
4
SPEAKER_01
I created a drive-in movie theater tour when no one was working.
4
SPEAKER_01
And the very first one, we all, no one had left their houses.
4
SPEAKER_01
We all went to my house.
4
SPEAKER_01
We got my tour bus.
4
SPEAKER_01
We had just wrapped, the day the tour bus showed up, we just wrapped the cabin.
4
SPEAKER_01
Just wrapped doing the cabin on Netflix and we got kovat tested We got in the tour bus and we said let s create our bubble and stay safe and that night we drove I think just outside Gallop and we stayed in a
4
SPEAKER_01
And no one had been outside.
4
SPEAKER_01
And we stayed at a KOA, camp on arrival, and we watched thunderstorms come in on a lake.
4
SPEAKER_01
And we were all smoking cigars and drinking IPAs.
4
SPEAKER_01
And it was fucking mad.
4
SPEAKER_01
And that whole road trip, we road tripped across the country to start the tours.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then we just and we were outside for the first time and we were and it was that period of my life.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m so grateful.
4
SPEAKER_01
I didn t make a ton of money because we had a big crew and I ve made sure I was trying to make sure everyone because no one had paid bills in a while, but that fucking tour was the funnest.
4
SPEAKER_01
We took up pickleball.
4
SPEAKER_01
We took up disc golf.
4
SPEAKER_01
Everything was wide open in the middle of the country.
4
SPEAKER_01
You could do things, but we were still in our bubble.
4
SPEAKER_01
And we lived in that tour bus.
4
SPEAKER_01
And at night, we d just get back in the tour bus by ourselves and get fucking wasted.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I mean, that fucking run, nothing will ever be like that.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, because you rediscovered the humanity, the camaraderie, because the pandemic kind of killed that.
4
SPEAKER_00
They suffocated us from their basic connection.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
And there was this
4
SPEAKER_01
You always had an anxiety attack halfway through that you got COVID, and this is when COVID was killing people, and you were like, I know I ve got COVID.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then we d come in to Sedona, and this is also why I didn t make a ton of money.
4
SPEAKER_01
We d come into Sedona, and we d get a house in Sedona for five days at Airbnb, and we d all isolate there before we went home to our families.
4
SPEAKER_01
I remember the first time we did it, we didn t isolate.
4
SPEAKER_01
We just pulled back into LA and all our families were freaked out.
4
SPEAKER_01
So I had to stay, live on the tour bus at a different house.
4
SPEAKER_01
And it was 4th of July and I came in and they were doing an egg toss.
4
SPEAKER_01
And they were like, well, you can do an egg toss.
4
SPEAKER_01
And this is how bad my anxiety gets.
4
SPEAKER_01
You can do an egg toss with your daughter, Isla.
4
SPEAKER_01
So Isla and I did an egg toss and we fucking got it to like legit, like 40 fucking feet where I was throwing overhand, lobbing them to her.
4
SPEAKER_01
And the egg cracked in her hands and it broke over her face.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I got in bed that night, high on weed.
4
SPEAKER_01
fucking drunk, and I went, what if I gave my daughter COVID from an egg toss?
4
SPEAKER_01
I go, that would be the most horrific way to kill a child.
4
SPEAKER_01
And she got it from an egg toss.
4
SPEAKER_01
It broke in her face.
4
SPEAKER_01
Her dad did COVID.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
I mean, that s the scariest thing about COVID, I think, is not you dying, but because of you, somebody else dies.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh, I got it.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s the fear I think that really
4
SPEAKER_00
Like, took hold on people.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s why they were way more cautious than perhaps they needed to be.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s just like, I don t want to be the guy that s responsible for killing somebody I love or somebody that somebody else loves.
4
SPEAKER_01
But Leanne gave everyone in our family COVID.
4
SPEAKER_01
She came up to me and she gave me a hug after Christmas.
4
SPEAKER_01
and gives me a hug.
4
SPEAKER_01
I said, what s the matter?
4
SPEAKER_01
She goes, I think I have COVID.
4
SPEAKER_01
I go, bitch, six feet.
4
SPEAKER_01
What the fuck are you doing?
4
SPEAKER_01
Back it up, Fauci.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then she had it, and it went away, and we re all fine.
4
SPEAKER_01
And we re like, okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
We can still go to Park City.
4
SPEAKER_01
So we all go to Park City.
4
SPEAKER_01
Then Georgia gets COVID.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then Georgia starts crying.
4
SPEAKER_01
She goes, I think I gave you COVID.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, I m fine.
4
SPEAKER_01
She goes, you re at high risk.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I m like, what?
4
SPEAKER_01
She s like, you re a fat alcoholic.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m like, whoa, easy.
4
SPEAKER_01
Where the fuck, what about feelings?
4
SPEAKER_01
And then Georgia got COVID.
4
SPEAKER_01
Me and Isla were still in Park City.
4
SPEAKER_01
Leanne had it.
4
SPEAKER_01
My tour bus came up, picked George up.
4
SPEAKER_01
George and Leanne took him back to LA.
4
SPEAKER_01
And Isla and I were there.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I tested and then we get on the plane and I cough and Isla s got her mask on and Isla just looks at me, you know, the best.
4
SPEAKER_01
The one thing we miss are the eyes over masks.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then we get home and I had COVID and Isla s like, if you gave me fucking COVID.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then she never got COVID.
4
SPEAKER_01
She never got COVID.
4
SPEAKER_00
You mentioned IPAs.
4
SPEAKER_00
What s the lay of the land of great beers in this expansive world of ours?
4
SPEAKER_01
I like Pilsners.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m a Pilsner guy.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m an ice-cold beer guy.
4
SPEAKER_00
Ice-cold Pilsner.
4
SPEAKER_01
I like an ice-cold beer.
4
SPEAKER_01
I like an ice-cold.
4
SPEAKER_01
One of the best beer buzzes I ever had is we had bought a new house, but we weren t building it.
4
SPEAKER_01
And over COVID, I didn t drink for like three months, four months.
4
SPEAKER_01
until we decided to go back out on tour and we figured that out and I was in the backyard and Leanne came back with like two tall boy German pilsners and cracked them.
4
SPEAKER_01
She goes, let s have a beer.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, fuck yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
And man, that second, that beer buzz is different than anything.
4
SPEAKER_01
The second it touches you, you feel the sparkle and you re just like,
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, baby, I m back. 
4
SPEAKER_01
And then she s like, you want another one?
4
SPEAKER_01
I m like, fuck yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then we have another one.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then that beer buzz is, especially afternoon beer buzz, is just so pretty.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s different than a night beer buzz.
4
SPEAKER_01
A night beer buzz is like, oh, I guess we ll have a beer, and then I ll have a couple, I gotta go to work tomorrow, all right.
4
SPEAKER_01
But that afternoon irresponsible beer buzz,
4
SPEAKER_01
Pilsner Pilsner there s I don t mind an IPA, but it s got to be added.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s got I got to be at somewhere I got to be at somewhere.
4
SPEAKER_01
I think I have an IPA like I like a local IPA It s got to be food involved and then I m enjoying an IPA.
4
SPEAKER_01
I Threw up an IPA in a bathtub in Salt Lake City one time
4
SPEAKER_00
What do you mean, oh, you threw up in the bathtub, okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
No, no, no, I was drinking in the bathtub.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like, bathtub with some water in it, or?
4
SPEAKER_00
No, no, no, no.
4
SPEAKER_00
You re sitting in the bathtub.
4
SPEAKER_01
No, I m getting ready to take a shower, and I had a growler of IPA.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s about six in the morning.
4
SPEAKER_01
I have to fly that day to Vegas to jump off the stratosphere.
4
SPEAKER_01
All I need is a little bit of a buzz to get myself on this fucking plane.
4
SPEAKER_01
I have anxiety going through my fucking head, because I m gonna be the first person to jump off the stratosphere.
4
SPEAKER_01
So I m drinking an IPA out of a growler in a bathtub at 6 in the morning And it just didn t sit right and I threw it up and I was off IPAs for like 10 fucking years Yeah I didn t have another IPA until I was like 46 because I was like all I could think about was throwing up that IPA in a bathtub in a shower and being like Thinking about it, but yeah, I don t I didn t fuck with IPAs for a while and then during the pandemic I got it.
4
SPEAKER_01
I got back into IPAs and
4
SPEAKER_00
I was that way with Jack and Coke, Jack Daniels and Coke.
4
SPEAKER_00
Really?
4
SPEAKER_00
Got so drunk many, many years ago that just couldn t look at it for a few years.
4
SPEAKER_01
I can t touch.
4
SPEAKER_01
What s Janis Joplin s drink?
4
SPEAKER_01
Southern Comfort.
4
SPEAKER_01
I can t tell Southern Comfort.
4
SPEAKER_00
She s just drinking straight?
4
SPEAKER_00
Well, Southern Comfort is at 40%.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s hard.
4
SPEAKER_01
No, it s almost like a liqueur.
4
SPEAKER_01
Honestly, it s really sweet.
4
SPEAKER_01
Jack, Double Jack on the Rocks, lots of rocks.
4
SPEAKER_01
I had a quote that I got a video that went viral about I ll never quit drinking.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I have not gotten on a plane since that.
5
SPEAKER_00
without having a flight attendant not even ask what I want.
5
SPEAKER_00
Walk up with a double jack on the rocks, lots of rocks.
5
SPEAKER_00
I mean, it happens so, on times I don t want to drink.
5
SPEAKER_00
I flew to Austin the other day, I was like, I m not drinking on the plane because I felt sick.
5
SPEAKER_00
And man, he walked up and he goes, double jack on the rocks, lots of rocks.
5
SPEAKER_00
I was like, fuck, you know it.
5
SPEAKER_00
But yeah, that s my drink.
5
SPEAKER_00
Wait, what s your drink?
5
SPEAKER_00
I thought you d be a vodka guy.
5
SPEAKER_01
Well, vodka I associate with a lot of moments in my life of happiness because vodka is associated with shots and camaraderie.
5
SPEAKER_01
And there s Eastern Europe in general, a bunch of guys get together.
5
SPEAKER_01
and you celebrate life intensely.
5
SPEAKER_01
People fight, people just feel, people experience life in a deep way.
5
SPEAKER_01
You just get too drunk for a reason.
5
SPEAKER_01
But I don t see that as like drinking drinking.
5
SPEAKER_01
That s like a journey towards a destination.
5
SPEAKER_01
To me, drinking is like whiskey neat.
5
SPEAKER_01
or beer, like you said, ice cold beer.
5
SPEAKER_01
This is that afternoon beer.
5
SPEAKER_01
Like for a person like me, who s extremely regimented and disciplined, sometimes you get to a situation.
5
SPEAKER_01
I just remember, I mean, I remember there s a bar at MIT where I just remember in the afternoon, there was like a business meeting.
5
SPEAKER_01
I sat down, we started with a beer and they were like really crisply cold.
5
SPEAKER_01
some kind of lager, and then just one beer and two beers, and all of a sudden you say, fuck it.
5
SPEAKER_01
Let s just, the rest of the day, this is what this is.
5
SPEAKER_01
And you said, Bright, like, you just, life and nature is beautiful out there, and you just said, fuck it to all the meetings, fuck it to everything else, just,
5
SPEAKER_01
the camaraderie, the just talking about life, being silly, being, you know, all of that.
5
SPEAKER_00
See, you re describing something I ll never get, because I m not regimented.
5
SPEAKER_00
I would love, I would love.
5
SPEAKER_00
I would love, only for the moment that you get to have, you get the most precious little angel s breath that anyone s gonna get because you live this life that s dialed in and it s scheduled.
5
SPEAKER_00
And so when you say, fuck it, it s like, that s like me doing Coke.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like, it s like, oh, fuck it.
5
SPEAKER_00
And you can just do that with beer.
5
SPEAKER_00
That is fucking amazing.
5
SPEAKER_00
I would love to live a regimented life just to get the chance to go,
5
SPEAKER_00
Hey guys, I m not performing surgery today, fuck it.
5
SPEAKER_00
Hey guys, this bus full of kids, kid s gotta drive itself home, fuck it.
5
SPEAKER_00
I couldn t even tell you, you know what s so interesting about me and you is like, you know I m a fan of yours.
5
SPEAKER_00
I couldn t even, I don t really know what AI is, other than like, dildos are AI, right?
5
SPEAKER_01
Like if it had some electronics in it.
5
SPEAKER_01
No, I don t think a dildo classifies as a robot.
5
SPEAKER_00
Because I thought that s how they were going to take over fucking mankind.
5
SPEAKER_00
Well, they start with the fucking womanizer that knows how to eat a pussy and then they re like, we don t need men anymore.
5
SPEAKER_00
But like, it s so interesting that I couldn t even, like, I can barely tell you what my dad does for a living.
5
SPEAKER_00
He s a lawyer.
5
SPEAKER_00
I could kind of, like, he s called me and said, hey, man, you got to stop talking about what I do because you re not doing it right.
5
SPEAKER_00
I go, what do you mean?
5
SPEAKER_00
He s like, whatever you re saying I do, I don t do.
5
SPEAKER_00
And so, but like, I couldn t even begin to explain your job to my daughter.
5
SPEAKER_01
Well, I think there s the way you do the job, which is the way you experience life, the regimented, just even just a nine to five job, right?
5
SPEAKER_01
Do you work nine to five?
5
SPEAKER_01
No, but I work much more than that.
5
SPEAKER_01
But there s no,
5
SPEAKER_01
Every kind of lifestyle has its complexities.
5
SPEAKER_01
I think nine to five means you have to wake up at a certain time every day.
5
SPEAKER_00
Do people tell you to pull it back and they re like, hey, you re working too hard?
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, a lot of people.
5
SPEAKER_01
What I want in my life, what I love in my life, especially people close to me are the ones that say work harder.
5
SPEAKER_01
How do you get them?
5
SPEAKER_01
How do you get them?
5
SPEAKER_01
I don t have anyone in my life that does that.
5
SPEAKER_01
Everybody s always worried about me.
5
SPEAKER_00
Everyone s worried about me.
5
SPEAKER_00
Everyone s always worried about me.
5
SPEAKER_00
The only thing, no one ever says, if I showed you my DMs right now, my texts, all it is is like, hey man, I m worried about you.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like Joe, I love Joe to death.
5
SPEAKER_00
Not once has he, he always, I don t know if you ve seen the caring Joe eyes where like, I m worried about you, where it s like,
5
SPEAKER_00
And you re like, man, don t do that.
5
SPEAKER_00
And he s like, I m worried about you.
5
SPEAKER_00
And you re like, don t fucking worry about me.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m working.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m just working.
5
SPEAKER_00
I love working.
5
SPEAKER_00
I love what I do.
5
SPEAKER_00
I love what I do.
5
SPEAKER_00
I can only imagine that you love what you do as much as I love what I do, because that s all I ever want to think about.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s all I ever want to talk about.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s all I ever want to be like.
5
SPEAKER_00
When my wife wants me to take August and
5
SPEAKER_00
whatever the August, whatever the fucking month is.
5
SPEAKER_00
September?
5
SPEAKER_00
That s after August.
5
SPEAKER_00
No, but like July and August off after we do fully loaded.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, no.
5
SPEAKER_00
I was like, what do you mean?
5
SPEAKER_00
Like, so like, well, I ll just, am I gonna like sit in a chair and stuff?
5
SPEAKER_00
She s like, no, you can do, like take up a hobby.
5
SPEAKER_00
I go, writing jokes?
5
SPEAKER_00
Can I get on stage?
5
SPEAKER_00
Can I do sets in the city?
5
SPEAKER_00
Cause I m not gonna fucking, do you want me to like, like, I don t understand, I don t understand people who don t, I don t understand people who don t have the drive to work
5
SPEAKER_00
All the time, I don t understand that.
5
SPEAKER_00
I envy it.
5
SPEAKER_00
I envy it because I go, I would love to just be like, I m going to play video games.
5
SPEAKER_00
I can t play a video game.
5
SPEAKER_00
If I did, I d be on Twitch trying to make money.
5
SPEAKER_00
I love, how do you find someone who goes, you need to work harder?
5
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
Especially when they see, I don t know what you look like, but I look tormented when I m working very hard.
5
SPEAKER_01
Like, it s easy to worry for my well-being.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s not like I m a happy-go-lucky, but I m happy underneath it.
5
SPEAKER_00
My working too hard is like on a plane every other day or every day, getting up at 6, working out, and then going until like 2 in the morning, or 1 in the morning, and then going to sleep, and then getting up at 6, working out, getting on a plane, going to another place.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like that s what my working, it s just a lot of travel in mind.
5
SPEAKER_00
If I didn t drink on planes, I don t think anyone would probably worry about me at all.
5
SPEAKER_00
They d be like, no, you re doing great.
5
SPEAKER_01
But the working out is there.
5
SPEAKER_01
So I got to ask you, because you and I seem to have a similar relationship with running.
5
SPEAKER_01
I like this idea of slow treadmill.
5
SPEAKER_01
I like running slow.
5
SPEAKER_01
Like a 10 minute mile or something like this.
5
SPEAKER_01
I ll just run forever.
5
SPEAKER_01
Just listen to an audio book, listen to brown noise, think.
5
SPEAKER_01
I love it.
5
SPEAKER_01
What s brown noise?
5
SPEAKER_01
It s actually brownian noise, but short brown noise.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s kind of like white noise, but deeper.
5
SPEAKER_01
So it s just noise like, shh, that.
5
SPEAKER_01
Oh wow.
5
SPEAKER_01
It kind of sounds like a waterfall.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I ll just listen to it and something happens to me.
5
SPEAKER_01
I think there s, you can ask Huberman about this, I don t, but apparently there s some science that kind of focuses the mind and so on.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s funny because I think sometimes what people don t get about running is they go, they get on and they put it on like a six right away on like a treadmill and they go, I can t do this for fucking 30 minutes.
5
SPEAKER_00
But you can if you build yourself up to your six and you play games.
5
SPEAKER_00
I play games with myself a lot.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like I ll play games where I go, um, and I can do this.
5
SPEAKER_00
I can do this.
5
SPEAKER_00
I can do this almost not all day long, but I can do this a lot longer.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like I did it for two hours the other day before my workout, or no, an hour and a half before my workout, where I started at 3.5 walking.
5
SPEAKER_00
And then I get my jog up to like a five, and then I m like 5.5, then I go six, and then I go, and once I m at a six, my body s really loose.
5
SPEAKER_00
And so then I ll go, all right, bring it down to a 3.5.
5
SPEAKER_00
And then I go punch it to a 7.5 for a quarter of a mile.
5
SPEAKER_00
And then let s walk at a four, let s jog at a five.
5
SPEAKER_00
I can do that.
5
SPEAKER_00
I love, they re called fartlets, I think.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I love those, like where it s like,
5
SPEAKER_00
regimented running and sprinting at certain levels.
5
SPEAKER_00
I love that.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I love also when I work out to listen to music, but put on foreign language cooking shows on Netflix.
5
SPEAKER_00
Can you explain that they just put it on mute?
5
SPEAKER_00
You don t need to hear it for some reason.
5
SPEAKER_00
They re sexier the way they re shot.
5
SPEAKER_00
They re sexier.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, and it s like Street food Asia and they re just watching them make street food in Asia.
5
SPEAKER_00
There s one called broth It s called broth the nation of broth and they re just making broths and you re like fuck.
5
SPEAKER_00
I want some broth So this is South America.
5
SPEAKER_00
This is Asia the South America Asia I
5
SPEAKER_00
They do one on pizzas.
5
SPEAKER_00
I ve watched this one on pizzas.
5
SPEAKER_00
I ve watched it.
5
SPEAKER_00
There s like four episodes.
5
SPEAKER_00
I ve watched every episode so many times that my trainer goes, God, that s that fucking, I could watch that again.
5
SPEAKER_00
I love watching foreign language cooking shows on mute when I work out.
5
SPEAKER_00
While blasting music.
5
SPEAKER_00
While blasting hip hop.
5
SPEAKER_01
All right.
5
SPEAKER_01
Well, I usually run outside, but I do the same kind of thing.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh, I can t.
5
SPEAKER_00
I don t mind hiking.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I like I do, like, you know what, my fun thing, the fun thing I would do, and this is ripped off totally from Cam Haines, is I like to go, there s a great hike called Framing Canyon out in the valley where I live.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I d be like, all right, I m gonna run to Framing Canyon, I m gonna jog to Framing Canyon, I m gonna hike Framing Canyon, and then I m gonna jog back.
5
SPEAKER_00
And they go, I wonder how long that is.
5
SPEAKER_00
And they go, don t think about it.
5
SPEAKER_00
Just know that that s your thing.
5
SPEAKER_00
Just know that that s your thing.
5
SPEAKER_00
And all of a sudden you re like, shit, that was eight miles?
5
SPEAKER_00
You re like, that s a fucking beast.
5
SPEAKER_00
The hike doesn t even feel like anything.
5
SPEAKER_00
The hike, once you do the jog, is the hard part there.
5
SPEAKER_00
The jog home.
5
SPEAKER_00
is a fucking cakewalk.
5
SPEAKER_00
I had the best jog when I was in Serbia.
5
SPEAKER_00
I had the best jog, I think it was in Hyde Park, I think the name of the park is Hyde Park.
5
SPEAKER_00
It was, get this, it was 80% downhill.
5
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
5
SPEAKER_00
So this jog,
5
SPEAKER_00
You started the park and it was like – and I ll do it like this for you.
5
SPEAKER_00
You went like downhill like this, downhill like this, downhill like this and then it was like a little steep incline to get to the beginning of it.
5
SPEAKER_00
So it was like a little like nice like lower back pain.
5
SPEAKER_00
You re like, okay, okay.
5
SPEAKER_00
And then the jog was perfect.
5
SPEAKER_00
And you did it four times.
5
SPEAKER_00
It was four miles.
5
SPEAKER_00
I loved it.
5
SPEAKER_00
My very first day I did it, a butterfly got in front of me.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s like 6 in the morning.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, 6 in the morning.
5
SPEAKER_00
A butterfly got in front of me.
5
SPEAKER_00
And it ran the whole first mile in front of me.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I just, it was like so surreal.
5
SPEAKER_00
It would disappear, and then it would show back up in front of me.
5
SPEAKER_00
You sure it was real?
5
SPEAKER_00
Definitely real.
5
SPEAKER_00
And then the next day, and so I go, I m on the right path.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m on the right path.
5
SPEAKER_00
The next day I go for a jog, six in the morning, and it rained.
5
SPEAKER_00
And as I m doing this deep uphill incline, a tree collapsed in front of me.
5
SPEAKER_00
Just went, poof.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I went, whoa.
5
SPEAKER_00
A tree fell in the woods, and I was here to see it.
5
SPEAKER_00
Shut the fuck up.
5
SPEAKER_00
I was like, that s crazy.
5
SPEAKER_00
And it didn t hit me.
5
SPEAKER_00
I go, I m on the right path.
5
SPEAKER_00
And then I started getting overthinking it.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like the next day I saw a condom and I was like, this is a good place to do it.
5
SPEAKER_00
I was like, people fucked here last night.
5
SPEAKER_00
But, but yeah, that was one of the best jogs I ve ever had.
5
SPEAKER_00
I could do that.
5
SPEAKER_00
I could run that park every single day and no one jogged that park in Serbia.
5
SPEAKER_01
I actually recently had a condom on my doorstep and I wanted to ask whoever is up there above what, what that means, what the.
5
SPEAKER_01
you know, what the story behind that is.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
You know, just a pissed off UPS guy.
5
SPEAKER_00
I just, was it compromised?
5
SPEAKER_01
What do you mean compromised?
5
SPEAKER_00
Like, was there stuff inside it?
5
SPEAKER_01
Oh, I didn t look.
5
SPEAKER_00
I mean, very few people put on the condom and go, it s not for me.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m going to take it off.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s a little tight.
5
SPEAKER_01
It could be to send a message, like a horse s head kind of thing.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
5
SPEAKER_01
I don t know what the message is exactly.
5
SPEAKER_00
Do you use condoms?
5
SPEAKER_00
If you had a one night stand, would you use a condom?
5
SPEAKER_01
I don t know what a condom is.
5
SPEAKER_01
I never heard of it.
5
SPEAKER_01
Good call.
5
SPEAKER_01
I m learning.
5
SPEAKER_00
Good call.
5
SPEAKER_01
I ve learned about sex from you today.
5
SPEAKER_00
If my wife dies, there s no condoms in my future.
5
SPEAKER_00
I ll get it, I don t care.
5
SPEAKER_00
I have babies, I don t give a shit.
5
SPEAKER_01
You re a man of principle, I like it.
5
SPEAKER_01
Mark Maron wrote something about your book many, many, many ages ago, Life of the Party.
5
SPEAKER_01
I think there s an interesting question in there.
5
SPEAKER_01
So first of all, wrote eloquently about you.
5
SPEAKER_01
Bert Kreischer is one of the great American wild men.
5
SPEAKER_01
A gonzo warrior driven not by cynicism or a desire to reveal a dark truth, but instead by a deep, almost essential need to have a good time, no matter what.
5
SPEAKER_01
His stories track the trials and tribulations of a big-hearted dude trying to fit in, help out, and party and find himself.
5
SPEAKER_01
After all is said and done, we arrive with him at the true humility of joy.
5
SPEAKER_01
When was this desire for pure joy born in you?
5
SPEAKER_01
It seems like you are driven towards this joy.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
I think I arrived at it in college.
5
SPEAKER_00
I wasn t always the guy I am.
5
SPEAKER_00
I was really a pretty serious dude when I got to college.
5
SPEAKER_01
Like dark brooding serious?
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I wanted to be like I wanted to be like Eddie Vedder and to be like a poet and a fucking lead singer and I wanted to be taken seriously and I wanted to be attractive and I wanted to be you know, like I wanted to be wanted by chicks and and respected by dudes and you know and Slowly, but surely I think the bird I really am chipped away at that and was like I
5
SPEAKER_00
Like I would say funny things that would surprise me they were so funny.
5
SPEAKER_00
Meaning like in my fraternity, I d say things that were the funniest thing that I go, how did I think of that?
5
SPEAKER_00
And then slowly I was like, and I remember as I chipped away at that and as I got older, I would
5
SPEAKER_00
I would lean towards that.
5
SPEAKER_00
We would go on a bus trip to Clemson, and I would get on the walkie-talkie on the bus, and I would do stand-up for an hour.
5
SPEAKER_00
I d just make jokes for an hour.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I loved the impulse of you get on the bus, and everyone s like, we re going to drink.
5
SPEAKER_00
And you get that one group of girls that wasn t going to drink, and then to break them.
5
SPEAKER_00
And they re like, oh, fuck it.
5
SPEAKER_00
Fine.
5
SPEAKER_00
Let s drink.
5
SPEAKER_00
And then to watch that happen, and I think
5
SPEAKER_00
And then when I went to Russia, this is so cliche for me to say, but interacting with those young banditi, they were pretty serious dudes.
5
SPEAKER_00
They didn t have like, they were pretty stoic dudes.
5
SPEAKER_00
And when you could make them laugh, it was like a real, it was a real joy.
5
SPEAKER_00
The silliest things.
5
SPEAKER_00
I remember, you know, we were told,
5
SPEAKER_00
There was a club, it was called Cafe Europa or maybe Cafe Americana.
5
SPEAKER_00
That was where everyone really hung out, like all the real dudes, the real dudes in St.
5
SPEAKER_00
Petersburg.
5
SPEAKER_00
And they had told us in our class that Russian women didn t have tampons.
5
SPEAKER_00
So they were like, bring tampons to give to the babushka, the davushka that ran the floor.
5
SPEAKER_01
After all this time, the fact that you re Russian sucks is awesome.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
You keep mispronouncing words horribly.
5
SPEAKER_00
Horribly.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m so fucking bad.
5
SPEAKER_00
I am so bad.
5
SPEAKER_00
You know that s how I got the name of the machine, right?
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
I was trying to say I m a man.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I said I m a car.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
And they just were like, huh?
5
SPEAKER_00
And so I came into the room one night with a top pocket full of tampons.
5
SPEAKER_00
And they were like, what are those for?
5
SPEAKER_00
I said, girls.
5
SPEAKER_00
How are we going to pick up girls?
5
SPEAKER_00
And the look on their face was so, it was so pure joy.
5
SPEAKER_00
I remember the first night I pulled out lemons.
5
SPEAKER_00
And this is, it sounds, it sounds make believe now to say it because it s been in the movie.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I brought out lemons, lemon drops, vodka and lemons and sugar and a pocket knife and a fanny pack.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I put out lemons, and this guy Igor goes, oh, the machine runs on lemons?
5
SPEAKER_00
Like it was just so foreign that you would need lemon for them.
5
SPEAKER_00
And so I think, and I made friends with those guys, like friends, whatever you can, but definitely me and that guy Igor were legit friends.
5
SPEAKER_00
Legit friends.
5
SPEAKER_01
But from a place of joy.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, like it was like real... Seeing them light up.
5
SPEAKER_00
And then I remember backpacking through Europe after that and realizing I could bring a spark of fun to like a campfire.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I had little tricks, like I learned all the currencies around the world.
5
SPEAKER_00
And so I d challenge people to a currency game.
5
SPEAKER_00
I d go, let s go head to head.
5
SPEAKER_00
You say, you name a country in the currency and I ll name a country in the currency.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I would slow roll them.
5
SPEAKER_00
I d just do all the dollars, right?
5
SPEAKER_00
The Chinese dollar, the American dollar, the Australian dollar.
5
SPEAKER_00
I d run through all the dollars, and they d be like, you only know the dollars.
5
SPEAKER_00
And then I d start getting really deep.
5
SPEAKER_00
I could make an event out of a night.
5
SPEAKER_00
In Europe, I could make an event.
5
SPEAKER_00
I remember we were in Strasbourg, and the bar was supposed to close, but I had friends coming to the bar.
5
SPEAKER_00
The train hadn t gotten in yet.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I said,
5
SPEAKER_00
I said, don t close the bar.
5
SPEAKER_00
I ll stand on the bar and I ll entertain everyone in this room.
5
SPEAKER_00
I ll dance.
5
SPEAKER_00
I ll do whatever if you just keep the bar open.
5
SPEAKER_00
And the guy goes, if you can keep
6
SPEAKER_00
me laughing, I ll keep the bar open.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I danced and made this guy laugh on a bar for legit, I m not even, like legit 30 minutes until my friends walked in and they re like, what the fuck s going on?
6
SPEAKER_00
I had this ability to, without humility, I didn t mind looking like a fool and like doing, and there were really stupid jokes at the time, just very like base American frat boy jokes.
6
SPEAKER_00
But I had a spark, and when I came back, I feel like I learned how to do that and do funny things that were fun.
6
SPEAKER_00
We d go to a football game, and I brought a camera around with me a lot.
6
SPEAKER_00
I like to take pictures.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I remember one of the jokes I d go is, I d go, hey, everybody, I told my parents I have a lot of friends.
6
SPEAKER_00
Can you guys gather around and we ll take a picture?
6
SPEAKER_00
And so 50 people would lean around like, hey!
6
SPEAKER_00
And just the dumbest, silliest things.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I wasn t a big self-promoter, so these would happen, and I was just doing them for me and my friends.
6
SPEAKER_00
I d bring a guitar out and I d just make up songs.
6
SPEAKER_00
And so I think in watching this serious Bert get chipped away at until my like six and a half year of college where it was just this silly guy and then Rolling Stones written about me.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I m like, and then I m like, well, and I remember a couple serious dads going, yo, you got a chance to turn this into something.
6
SPEAKER_00
You need to go to, you need to follow your dream.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I tried to stand up the first night and I was like,
6
SPEAKER_00
Maybe not wasn t the funniest guy but man they laughed and we had a good time for 30 minutes and it worked and it was stream of consciousness and I was like, yeah, and then of course, you know that same little path you take gets convoluted in New York because you want to be a serious comic and you want to be taken seriously and you want to be edgy and you want to say the and then slowly but surely that you re the real Bert chips away at it and he s like, yeah, man, I
6
SPEAKER_00
Fucking take your shirt off kill a beer.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, like fucking tell the machine story Tell us story about your stupid kids like just you don t need to be the fucking edgiest dude in the room leave that to the good ones Let let bill and fucking Joe and Tom.
6
SPEAKER_00
They re the those are the legit fucking gangster comics there I mean those are the fucking
6
SPEAKER_00
You re never gonna out fucking Chappelle those those guys are fucking gangsters do what you do have fun make life fun and seize the day and fucking try to bring a spark to people and let them forget about their fucking day and The the interesting thing about alcohol that I don t really like drinking In terms of the actual physical like how it makes me feel but there s the the camaraderie that happens what?
6
SPEAKER_01
I wish there was another way to get there, but I don t think there is.
6
SPEAKER_01
That joy you get of just everybody getting together and taking shots or drinking, not the polite kind of drinking, but just everybody just, the fuck it kind of drinking.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, and when someone goes, all right, I m in.
6
SPEAKER_00
All right, yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
That s the funnest, and then, especially when you have a big group, and there s a big group.
6
SPEAKER_00
We were at the premiere the other night, and I was working, I was legit working.
6
SPEAKER_00
I m trying to sell the movie to outlets, media outlets.
6
SPEAKER_00
Bust them with the boy bust them with the boys my wife flew them in to surprise me and they re over on the red carpet And they re like, yo, let s let s go beer.
6
SPEAKER_00
Let s kill a beer and I was like, oh and then I m like, oh fuck it I don t give a this is what life s about and that moment where they re like, yeah That s the funnest fucking especially when I can get Leanne to do it when I get Leanne to get a drink and she ll and she s like
6
SPEAKER_00
Like I was supposed to drink last night and she was like, you want to just, we should go have a glass of wine in the front yard.
6
SPEAKER_00
And you re like, oh, my heart skips a beat.
6
SPEAKER_00
I go glass of wine in the front yard.
6
SPEAKER_00
Are we going to talk wild?
6
SPEAKER_00
Are we going to say crazy shit to each other?
6
SPEAKER_00
Like, fuck yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
On the front yard.
6
SPEAKER_00
Front yard, yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
What are you doing in the front yard?
6
SPEAKER_00
Let the dogs play.
6
SPEAKER_00
Big trees in the front yard sitting on the where we re sitting sitting in the Adirondacks on the front porch Letting the dogs play letting the dogs rest in the front yard Maybe go over pick some cherries look at the fucking trees hear the wind going through the front yard And then you go to the backyard that s where the cigar comes out a little more privacy, but you have red line red wine mall back Keep our sulfites low
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, wine is a whole nother one, too.
6
SPEAKER_01
I feel sophisticated.
6
SPEAKER_01
Oh, yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
I traveled before Ukraine.
6
SPEAKER_01
I went to Paris for the first time.
6
SPEAKER_01
I drank wine there, and I felt like I was a sophisticated man, you know?
6
SPEAKER_01
Dude.
6
SPEAKER_00
Doesn t speak much French, but you don t need to you don t need to just start smoking to just have a fucking cigarette Yeah, I was gonna start writing poetry do the Hemingway there s like a glass of wine in Italy and like like just out in like we went we went ah The most beautiful fucking day of my life Just outside Florence
6
SPEAKER_00
They have all the vineyards and stuff, and we took a Vespa tour.
6
SPEAKER_00
And it was fucking, and Isla s too young to ride, so she s on the back.
6
SPEAKER_00
And now everyone can drink there, you know?
6
SPEAKER_00
You re not supposed to drink and drive Vespas, but they go, a glass of wine is nothing.
6
SPEAKER_00
And you re like, okay, I guess I ll have a couple then.
6
SPEAKER_00
If you think one s nothing, then I think two s nothing also.
6
SPEAKER_01
So this is drunk Bert on a Vespa?
6
SPEAKER_00
drunk, not even drunk, but just lightly feathered where... And it s beautiful.
6
SPEAKER_00
My wife hasn t been drinking.
6
SPEAKER_00
Georgia has, Georgia s too young, Isla is too young, but I had dinner with a couple
6
SPEAKER_00
And we re going through these hills and it starts raining.
6
SPEAKER_00
And it starts raining.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I go, Isla, what are we missing?
6
SPEAKER_00
And she goes, music, big boy.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I go, what do you want to hear?
6
SPEAKER_00
And then she just starts going, ooka, shaka, ooka, ooka, ooka, shaka, ooka, ooka.
6
SPEAKER_00
I can t stop this feeling.
6
SPEAKER_00
She s screaming it behind.
6
SPEAKER_00
And then I hear Georgia screaming it.
6
SPEAKER_00
And then Leanne singing it.
6
SPEAKER_00
And then Sandy and her two daughters are singing it.
6
SPEAKER_00
We re all in these Vespas, and we re all singing it.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I swear to God, if I hadn t been lightly feathered, I don t know if I would have been like, what are we missing?
6
SPEAKER_00
Because alcohol will give you that thing like, what s next?
6
SPEAKER_00
What s bigger?
6
SPEAKER_00
How do we take this to the next level?
6
SPEAKER_00
And then I got this little girl, who s still my little girl, at that moment when she s singing, sing it!
6
SPEAKER_00
All the good times, aiming up so high.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
Give it up, girl.
6
SPEAKER_00
And then we stop at the light, and all of us are looking, and it s pouring rain.
6
SPEAKER_00
I remember sobbing, crying, sobbing, crying, sobbing, crying.
6
SPEAKER_00
And then I was like, let s get these fucking Vespas up and get to a vineyard.
6
SPEAKER_00
And then we went to a vineyard and all the girls tried a little wine.
6
SPEAKER_00
No one got buzzed or anything, but you re just sitting there with your family going like, fuck dude.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I m not certain you get that without a little bit of.
6
SPEAKER_01
A little bit, but then a lot is also interesting.
6
SPEAKER_01
I had a lot of whiskey with Rogan once.
6
SPEAKER_00
I think I saw that.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
I think I saw that with Whitney too, in the push-up contest.
6
SPEAKER_01
The only time I met David Goggins in person, one of the great embarrassments of my life, is trashed out of my mind.
6
SPEAKER_01
I m trying to say how much of a fan I am, and I could tell by the look in his eye that what is actually coming out of my mouth is not good.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s not good.
6
SPEAKER_01
And his wife is embarrassed standing right there also.
6
SPEAKER_01
Just everybody s embarrassed for me.
6
SPEAKER_01
Man, I m trying my best.
6
SPEAKER_01
And then somehow I find myself a minute later doing pushups with him as a challenge.
6
SPEAKER_01
I didn t, it wasn t counting.
6
SPEAKER_01
All I knew, I m not stopping.
6
SPEAKER_01
And he was polite enough to stop.
6
SPEAKER_00
I think probably like 50, I don t know.
6
SPEAKER_00
There s a gift someone gives you when they get drunk and they lower their guard, and they allow you to see them that way.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s a gift.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s a real gift.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s just as cool as pulling someone aside and going, yo, I m into anime.
6
SPEAKER_00
Are you cool with that?
6
SPEAKER_00
And then they re going, yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
Can I show you some cool anime?
6
SPEAKER_00
And then you re like, that s not my thing.
6
SPEAKER_00
But it s a cool thing.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s like sharing cool music with someone or telling them something about your childhood.
6
SPEAKER_00
When you get drunk, real drunk around someone,
6
SPEAKER_00
You re giving them a gift, and that gift is, I want you to see me for everything I am.
6
SPEAKER_00
You re not going to get any lies.
6
SPEAKER_00
You re not going to get any bullshit.
6
SPEAKER_00
This is me at my absolute worst.
6
SPEAKER_00
I have a rule.
6
SPEAKER_00
I will never, never get mad at someone for getting too fucked up.
6
SPEAKER_00
Because they re giving you a gift.
6
SPEAKER_00
They re saying like, yo, I did this on accident, but I trust you enough to let you know that this is who I am, and this is what you re getting.
6
SPEAKER_00
I love it.
6
SPEAKER_00
I love it.
6
SPEAKER_00
Especially when it comes from someone you don t expect.
6
SPEAKER_00
Like you?
6
SPEAKER_00
Shut the fuck up.
6
SPEAKER_00
David Goggins should have hugged you and said, thanks for showing me this.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I guess you re right.
6
SPEAKER_01
I haven t thought of it that way.
6
SPEAKER_01
There s an intimacy to that.
6
SPEAKER_01
That is a gift of fragility.
6
SPEAKER_01
This is me.
6
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I m a very loving drunk, but boy, am I a dumb drunk.
6
SPEAKER_00
I bet you haven t seen Dumb Drunk.
6
SPEAKER_01
Well, dumb in terms of the eloquence of the words that are coming out of my mouth.
6
SPEAKER_01
So you re just not stitching words together correctly to make sentences.
6
SPEAKER_01
No.
6
SPEAKER_01
I turn into Hemingway lost in translation.
6
SPEAKER_01
I ll start saying random words,
6
SPEAKER_01
but like translated to Japanese and back to English.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s not making sense, but there s love.
6
SPEAKER_01
Like I think what you feel is this kind of desire to connect that I think I always feel towards other people.
6
SPEAKER_01
But when I m drunk, I m just say, fuck it.
6
SPEAKER_01
I don t need to be polite.
6
SPEAKER_01
I ll just be loving fully.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s a,
6
SPEAKER_00
It s cool when people let you see that in them.
6
SPEAKER_00
Because some people are really like measured.
6
SPEAKER_00
Like, no, one drink and then I m done.
6
SPEAKER_00
I don t want it, no, no, no, no.
6
SPEAKER_00
And you re like, oh, show me a little more.
6
SPEAKER_00
And then like, it s cool.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I never like, and I love, my favorite moments in the next morning when they re like, did I make an ass out of myself?
6
SPEAKER_00
And you get to say, not at all.
6
SPEAKER_00
Not at all.
6
SPEAKER_00
That s the coolest thing.
6
SPEAKER_00
Because some people, bad people, will leverage that over you.
6
SPEAKER_00
You can see it s a bully tactic.
6
SPEAKER_00
They ll leverage that.
6
SPEAKER_00
The bad interactions I ve had with,
6
SPEAKER_00
in this business that we were talking about earlier, they were people that when you got fucked up, they used it against you.
6
SPEAKER_00
They held it over your head and they said, listen man,
6
SPEAKER_00
I don t know what the fuck, but if you want, and you re like, hold on.
6
SPEAKER_00
And then, and then they made you, they gaslight you into thinking you were the only one that was fucked up.
6
SPEAKER_00
And you re like, okay, I guess I know who you are now.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, didn t you get fucked up a little bit too?
6
SPEAKER_00
Like, I know we smoked weed and I thought we ate Xanax, but like, what about the, I know I had a couple of beers, but like, I wasn t that fucked up.
6
SPEAKER_01
Well, Whitney s really good at that, because she s the person, I woke up next morning and she said, you re wonderful, you re eloquent, you re great.
6
SPEAKER_01
I m sure she was making that up completely.
6
SPEAKER_00
It was funny, I got blackout drunk at Whitney s roast of me, like blackout drunk, don t remember any of it.
6
SPEAKER_00
And don t remember any of it, don t remember speaking on the microphone, I don t remember talking in the microphone.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I did the set apparently.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I said to Whitney, like in a real moment of vulnerability, Whitney s like a sister to me, like a legit sister.
6
SPEAKER_00
My daughters call her Aunt Whitney, Leanne, she s like a sister to Leanne.
6
SPEAKER_00
If she comes over to do a podcast, Whitney will show up an hour early and sit with Leanne out in Leanne s rose garden and just talk.
6
SPEAKER_00
And Whitney, I said the next day, I called Whitney and I was getting on a plane.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I knew I was hungover.
6
SPEAKER_00
I said, how bad was I last night?
6
SPEAKER_00
She goes, you were fucking fantastic.
6
SPEAKER_00
And just didn t let me sit with it.
6
SPEAKER_00
And then I watched the video and I was like, oh, I was fucking out of control.
6
SPEAKER_00
I was way out of control.
6
SPEAKER_00
Thank you for lying to me.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
So while being a wild out there comic, she s also this like caring and loving human being.
6
SPEAKER_01
So interesting.
6
SPEAKER_00
She is.
6
SPEAKER_00
She has the most nurturing sensibility.
6
SPEAKER_00
She is, she sends my daughter s gifts out of nowhere.
6
SPEAKER_00
Just out of nowhere, just send Georgia gifts up at college.
6
SPEAKER_00
And just a gift box, like she is just, she takes care of people.
6
SPEAKER_01
That s her love language.
6
SPEAKER_01
And she s also the person that taught me what the hell love language even means.
6
SPEAKER_01
Apparently there s a book and there s like five of them.
6
SPEAKER_00
Oh, you and Whitney, I would love to sit in the fucking room and watch you two talk.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, she has a robot that looks like her.
6
SPEAKER_00
And that s the future, that robot.
6
SPEAKER_00
I told her she should have that robot do porn.
6
SPEAKER_00
Let someone fuck that robot.
6
SPEAKER_00
And then she could deepfake the face if she wants, but I go, promote a special that way.
6
SPEAKER_01
Like a full-on, not like Showtime softcore porn, like full-on porn.
6
SPEAKER_00
Full-on, like the dude like, he s like, hi, welcome inside.
6
SPEAKER_00
You look tired, do you need a drink?
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
Oops, I m stuck in the dryer, you know.
6
SPEAKER_00
What s the promotion you re most proud of that you ve done?
6
SPEAKER_00
Without a doubt, it s gotta be when I took dance lessons.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, that was epic.
6
SPEAKER_00
Because I tried to get Joe and Tom and Ari to do it for Sober October.
6
SPEAKER_00
I was rooting for you.
6
SPEAKER_00
And they said no.
6
SPEAKER_00
Joe s like, absolutely not.
6
SPEAKER_00
You knew Joe was gonna say no.
6
SPEAKER_00
But Joe s a legit dancer.
6
SPEAKER_00
Like, he can legit dance.
6
SPEAKER_00
He took, like, dance lessons for a movie, and is apparently an amazing dancer.
6
SPEAKER_00
And so... You re right.
6
SPEAKER_01
He could have said yes.
6
SPEAKER_01
He could have said yes, because I remember listening to that podcast where you really made the pitch.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, and I said, we all take hip-hop dance lessons.
6
SPEAKER_00
Your cardio is through the roof.
6
SPEAKER_00
And you do an hour dance lesson, and then we all do a hip-hop dance, and then we all put our hip-hop dances against each other, and we see who has the best hip-hop dance.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s different than the typical stuff we do.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s fun.
6
SPEAKER_00
And we can also work out.
6
SPEAKER_00
We can do everything, but let s do hip-hop dance.
6
SPEAKER_00
And Joe adamantly was like, that s a horrible idea.
6
SPEAKER_00
I will not do that.
6
SPEAKER_00
And then, and then Tom and Ari just, you know, just whatever they were like, yeah, I side with Joe, we ll do something else.
6
SPEAKER_00
And then I was like, I knew I liked hip hop dance.
6
SPEAKER_00
And so I was like, I m gonna take hip hop dance lessons anyway.
6
SPEAKER_00
I m going to just do it over sober October and I m just going to, I m going to fucking do it.
6
SPEAKER_00
And then maybe, maybe I ll do a hip hop dance video and then show it to them and let them rate me.
6
SPEAKER_00
And then we did it.
6
SPEAKER_00
And it was $1,200 for hip-hop dance lessons for like a month or whatever, for like a couple weeks.
6
SPEAKER_00
And then when we did it, I thought, you know what?
6
SPEAKER_00
I bet we could put tour dates next to this.
6
SPEAKER_00
Because it turned out being kind of good, but kind of funny.
6
SPEAKER_00
I bet we could put tour dates next to this.
6
SPEAKER_00
And it was the beginning of me figuring out the whole like, my promos were short and quick.
6
SPEAKER_00
And they were always like something silly.
6
SPEAKER_00
What s up, guys?
6
SPEAKER_00
It s your boy, Bert Kreischer.
6
SPEAKER_00
And then that one blew up and immediately, I was announcing the tour and immediately every tour date sold out.
6
SPEAKER_00
And then every, we added shows that day, we added shows and every one of those sold out.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, whoa.
6
SPEAKER_00
And then Tom was like, the fuck was that?
6
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, I think I just sold out my whole fucking tour.
6
SPEAKER_00
And then Tom, and then when Tom did his one like that and put his tour dates on it.
6
SPEAKER_00
Went over the top.
6
SPEAKER_00
He sold out his tours and he was like, whoa, he s a dress sold out every fucking show.
6
SPEAKER_00
We ve added shows I m doing like an arena here and this is before we were doing arenas I was like shut the fuck up and that changed my game where I was like, alright, so everything s got to be and then and then I was like I don t mind spending a little money and then the next one I did was the marching band and I was just like and but it was you know, it s real crazy.
6
SPEAKER_00
I just said
6
SPEAKER_00
Can you guys get me a marching band?
6
SPEAKER_00
And they were like, yeah, it s like 2,400 bucks.
6
SPEAKER_00
I go, cool.
6
SPEAKER_00
And they re like, what do you want them to do?
6
SPEAKER_00
And I go, I don t know.
6
SPEAKER_00
We ll figure it out.
6
SPEAKER_00
And they came over, and they had outfits.
6
SPEAKER_00
And they were like, so what do you want us to play?
6
SPEAKER_00
I go, what song do you guys know?
6
SPEAKER_00
And then they didn t even know each other.
6
SPEAKER_00
They were all hired people.
6
SPEAKER_00
And they were like, Rubber Band Man?
6
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, oh, sure.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
And then we just scripted it out.
6
SPEAKER_00
I was like, all right, I ll pretend it s a regular thing.
6
SPEAKER_00
Listen, wait.
6
SPEAKER_00
So I ll walk out, and then I ll blow a whistle.
6
SPEAKER_00
And then you come out with the dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum.
6
SPEAKER_00
And then, and then we got like two videos out of that and that sold out dates.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, fuck.
6
SPEAKER_00
And then, and then, and then, and then, and then the real baller one, the fucking real one, the real one was I tore all the muscles in my arm going into and shooting the movie.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I ripped all the tricep muscles off and they were retracted.
6
SPEAKER_00
So I had to go in for surgery and the anesthesiologist said to me,
6
SPEAKER_00
the night before, he s like, what music do you want going under?
6
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, what?
6
SPEAKER_00
And he goes, you can pick your music going under.
6
SPEAKER_00
I said, wait, hold on.
6
SPEAKER_00
I go, is it like casual?
6
SPEAKER_00
And he was like, yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
I said, I m doing a promo read going under.
6
SPEAKER_00
He goes, what do you mean?
6
SPEAKER_00
I said, I ll explain it to you tomorrow, but I m not going to count backwards.
6
SPEAKER_00
I m just going to do a promo read until I pass out.
6
SPEAKER_00
And my phone s going to fall on the ground.
6
SPEAKER_00
All I need you to do is hit stop record.
6
SPEAKER_00
And so they rolled me into surgery.
6
SPEAKER_00
I had red rocks.
6
SPEAKER_00
I d only sold like 75% of red rocks, which is the biggest 10,000, the biggest venue I d ever played in.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I rolled in with my thing with CCR playing in the background.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I just was like, as I lay here on this mat or on this steel
7
SPEAKER_01
I was terrified as I go into surgery.
7
SPEAKER_01
I want you to know one thing I m playing Red Rock September 10th, and I started doing my promo read and he was like, yeah I go Jimmy Buffett s there the night before and the night after he s like for real I go.
7
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, you want to come he s like hell Yeah, he s like, all right.
7
SPEAKER_01
He s like you re going under and he hits it.
7
SPEAKER_01
I go sir, and I dropped the phone Woke up out of surgery and the first thing I said is where s my phone?
7
SPEAKER_01
And he goes, you got it.
7
SPEAKER_01
And Leanne s like, I ve already watched it, it s good.
7
SPEAKER_01
And I went, for real?
7
SPEAKER_01
And so like, that was a big one.
7
SPEAKER_01
That was a big one too.
7
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, that was genius.
7
SPEAKER_00
But that was sort of opportunity kind of jumping at an idea.
7
SPEAKER_00
Have you ever met Mr. Beast, Jimmy?
7
SPEAKER_00
No.
7
SPEAKER_00
So I got to hang out with him for a day and listen to him brainstorm with the team ideas.
7
SPEAKER_00
He kind of sounds like you, but on steroids in terms of like, first of all,
7
SPEAKER_00
willing to spend any amount of money on an idea.
7
SPEAKER_00
Like, anything.
7
SPEAKER_00
Anything is allowed.
7
SPEAKER_00
Anything is allowed.
7
SPEAKER_00
I love that energy.
7
SPEAKER_00
The only thing is no, like, rated R stuff.
7
SPEAKER_00
So he s really trying to go, like, for the broader audience, for kids and so on.
7
SPEAKER_00
So that s the limitation.
7
SPEAKER_00
So you can t do, like, most of the ideas that pop into my head when anything s allowed is kind of,
7
SPEAKER_00
dark, but the point is to really aggressively brainstorm every single day at the whiteboard.
7
SPEAKER_00
And he does that for YouTube shorts too, for one minute videos.
7
SPEAKER_00
And just like, really, what is the coolest thing we could possibly do?
7
SPEAKER_01
I love that, I love that energy.
7
SPEAKER_00
And that energy, most people don t do that, and they should.
7
SPEAKER_00
Basically, YouTubers do that because they re obsessed about this particular YouTube algorithm and so on, and Jimmy s the best at that.
7
SPEAKER_00
But that can benefit you if you re a scientist, if you re a comedian, if you re whatever.
7
SPEAKER_00
Just go all out.
7
SPEAKER_01
There s something really authentically fun about
7
SPEAKER_01
Just coming up with a really stupid idea and just going let s see what happens who gives a fuck we ve had those like I thought I could catch an arrow one time and And my wife s like absolutely fucking not like I really think I can I go let s just get really close shoot it and
7
SPEAKER_01
And then I ll see if I can catch it.
7
SPEAKER_01
And she s like, no, that s not what you re doing.
7
SPEAKER_01
And then my cousin s like, hey, we could cheat it to make you look like you caught an arrow.
7
SPEAKER_01
And I went, what?
7
SPEAKER_01
He goes, yeah, just, okay, let s do it like this.
7
SPEAKER_01
And so we did it.
7
SPEAKER_01
And it got sold a ton of tickets.
7
SPEAKER_01
It looks like I really caught it.
7
SPEAKER_01
Everyone knows I didn t catch an arrow.
7
SPEAKER_01
I mean, for the movie, we did a promo.
7
SPEAKER_01
Legendary was like, you do all the promos.
7
SPEAKER_01
And we did a promo and I thought I could slide out of my car like Tom Cruise did.
7
SPEAKER_01
in a helicopter and with roller skates and get behind the car and then skate behind the car and we just ran over my foot.
7
SPEAKER_01
And it was real and it was scary, but we just caught it all.
7
SPEAKER_01
And in doing it, my cousin s like, give me the read.
7
SPEAKER_01
And I m like, duh, my movie comes out Memorial Day weekend.
7
SPEAKER_01
I think we have to go to the hospital.
7
SPEAKER_01
And then we went to the hospital and I m in the Speedo with a helmet on, one broken roller skate.
7
SPEAKER_01
And then, and then that did really well.
7
SPEAKER_01
And so like, I said, the whole thing is just turn the camera on.
7
SPEAKER_01
You never know what s going to fucking happen.
7
SPEAKER_00
And don t be afraid to look stupid and all that kind of stuff.
7
SPEAKER_01
Just go all out.
7
SPEAKER_01
Fucking ego is the death of comedy.
7
SPEAKER_01
Like when you, when you really give a, like if it s hard to be the coolest guy in the room and still want to be a comedian, it s just let yourself be whoever you are and you ll see the great ones.
7
SPEAKER_01
They re like that.
7
SPEAKER_01
They don t, they, you know, they re, they re just regular fucking dudes and you get some real slick ones.
7
SPEAKER_01
Like Dave, Dave s probably might be the coolest guy in the fucking room.
7
SPEAKER_01
He really might be.
7
SPEAKER_01
But I think that s just who the fuck he is.
7
SPEAKER_00
Who are the, outside your close friend group, who are the greats to you, top five?
7
SPEAKER_01
Outside of my friend group?
7
SPEAKER_00
So, like for me, probably Norm Macdonald, Mitch Heidberg, George Carlin, Tom Segura, number one.
7
SPEAKER_00
Oh yeah?
7
SPEAKER_01
No.
7
SPEAKER_00
I wanted to say that.
7
SPEAKER_01
That s an interesting pairing.
7
SPEAKER_01
No, Mitch Heidberg, Dave Attell,
7
SPEAKER_00
Tell David tell every everybody deeply respects David more than even his comedy.
7
SPEAKER_00
I love this show where he was a insomniac insomniac He s so good at just the natural comedy of human interaction.
7
SPEAKER_01
He s a brilliant comic.
7
SPEAKER_01
He s just a brilliant fucking mind Norm Macdonald s fucking genius an absolute genius
7
SPEAKER_01
I mean, look, you know, Chappelle and Bill Burr are, are the two best in our generation, in my opinion.
7
SPEAKER_01
And I, and that s, you know, and that s understanding that, like, I m still friends with some of the best in our generation, but like, just the way their brains work is really on the next level.
7
SPEAKER_01
Like, you know, those are guys, Stan Hope is the same way, just fucking genius.
7
SPEAKER_01
You know, Rogan, Segura, those are my friend group.
7
SPEAKER_01
That s my really close friend group.
7
SPEAKER_01
But like those other guys I m friends with, but they re not like, that s like,
7
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
7
SPEAKER_00
Louis CK.
7
SPEAKER_01
Oh, Louis CK.
7
SPEAKER_01
Fuck.
7
SPEAKER_01
He s amazing.
7
SPEAKER_01
It s hard to do because you start like forgetting the like people and then it s almost like people go, Oh, so you didn t like that person.
7
SPEAKER_01
You re like, no, I fucking love that person.
7
SPEAKER_00
I mean, there s for me, like Robin Williams was a whole nother thing.
7
SPEAKER_00
Oh, yeah.
7
SPEAKER_01
Sarah Silverman.
7
SPEAKER_01
Fucking.
7
SPEAKER_01
I love Janine.
7
SPEAKER_01
I m a fucking big Janine fan.
7
SPEAKER_01
I love her brain.
7
SPEAKER_01
Marin s fucking hilarious.
7
SPEAKER_01
You know, Patton s brilliant.
7
SPEAKER_01
David Cross.
7
SPEAKER_01
I mean, there s like it s, you know, it s really to ignore those guys.
7
SPEAKER_01
And those guys were like the whole forefront of the alternative comedy front.
7
SPEAKER_01
They re fucking amazing.
7
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, and the people that have like Marin or Joe that have podcasts, it s interesting.
7
SPEAKER_00
It s an interesting pairing because you get to know like everything about them, but then they re also comedians.
7
SPEAKER_00
And I ve gotten, I ve gone to Joe s club a lot.
7
SPEAKER_00
I listen to Joe and just that whole group of comics do comedy and go to the same set over and over and over and to see how it changes.
7
SPEAKER_00
It s really cool.
7
SPEAKER_01
It s the coolest thing.
7
SPEAKER_01
When I first started to watch, someone I could tell was really brilliant at it because you d watch him tinker with a set.
7
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
7
SPEAKER_01
And he d have an idea like hitting someone over the head with a hammer from behind.
7
SPEAKER_01
And then he d work it nine different ways.
7
SPEAKER_01
And you d be like, whoa.
7
SPEAKER_01
So the hitting hammer in the head is the thing that he s working on.
7
SPEAKER_00
I hope Eddie Murphy comes back.
7
SPEAKER_00
He s one of the greats.
7
SPEAKER_01
Chris Rock.
7
SPEAKER_01
Chris Rock s fucking Bring the Pain is the reason I got into comedy.
7
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
7
SPEAKER_01
Do you have advice for young folks?
7
SPEAKER_00
You seem like a stellar example of a successful human being, or more seriously, a very kind of nonlinear life.
7
SPEAKER_00
Do you have advice for young people in high school and college?
7
SPEAKER_00
How to have a good life they can be proud of?
7
SPEAKER_01
Don t worry too much about what you do when you get older.
7
SPEAKER_01
But when you do start worrying, find the thing you love and it ll never feel like work.
7
SPEAKER_01
I can t imagine what it must feel like to be a lawyer and have to read papers or whatever they do all day and know that that s my day.
7
SPEAKER_01
I mean, it must feel like what school felt like for me.
7
SPEAKER_01
If you find that thing you love to do,
7
SPEAKER_01
You will work endlessly, effortlessly, and hard as fucking shit every day, and you ll love every day of your life.
7
SPEAKER_00
Find what you love and let it kill you, Bukowski said that.
7
SPEAKER_01
Then that s the fucking thing, because that s what I m doing.
7
SPEAKER_01
I m letting it fucking take, I m fucking, I m on that fucking bullet train to fucking nowhere on this fucking comedy journey.
7
SPEAKER_01
I love it, I love it.
7
SPEAKER_00
So it s like the Hunter S. Thompson thing.
7
SPEAKER_00
What is it?
7
SPEAKER_00
However you put it, you basically, you re not supposed to be, end up in a well-preserved box.
7
SPEAKER_00
You slide in sideways, smoke, just beat up.
7
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
7
SPEAKER_00
Just a giant mess.
7
SPEAKER_01
I love those guys that can really live that life that are like, yeah, man, I m breaking it.
7
SPEAKER_01
I m breaking it down.
7
SPEAKER_01
Like a guy like Tony Hawk or Matt Hoffman, who s like, yeah, if I don t fucking break the fuck out of this thing before I, then I m not doing it right.
7
SPEAKER_00
Then again, there s also Churchill who tried to break the thing and he couldn t.
7
SPEAKER_00
Lived into his 90s a bad motherfucker.
7
SPEAKER_00
Just a bad motherfucker.
7
SPEAKER_00
So I guess the only hope we can have for Bert Kreischer is that you re going to be the Winston Churchill of comedy.
7
SPEAKER_01
My life is lived perfectly.
7
SPEAKER_01
if I m 95 years old and all my friends are dead.
7
SPEAKER_01
They re like, can you believe that wolf got Rogan?
7
SPEAKER_01
Can you believe Segura, 600 pounds and they had to carry him out in a crane out of that house.
7
SPEAKER_01
Can you believe that it s just Burt Kreisler and Joey Diaz left?
7
SPEAKER_00
Just standing there in October, just the two of you left, just laughing.
7
SPEAKER_01
I m 95 at the Mark Twain Awards and they re like, Burt Kreisler s still fucking here.
7
SPEAKER_01
Who saw that coming?
7
SPEAKER_00
I hope so.
7
SPEAKER_00
Bert, I m a huge fan of yours.
7
SPEAKER_00
It meant so much to me when you said that you knew who I was, like we were talking about.
7
SPEAKER_00
It just, it s so cool.
7
SPEAKER_00
It s so cool.
7
SPEAKER_00
Thank you for putting so much joy and love out there in the world.
7
SPEAKER_00
I m a huge fan, and thank you for the love you ve given me.
7
SPEAKER_01
Thank you, man.
7
SPEAKER_01
I am a huge fan of yours.
7
SPEAKER_01
You keep doing you, I ll keep doing me, and then let s see if we can meet in the middle sometime and have a cold beer in the afternoon.
7
SPEAKER_00
Love you, brother.
7
SPEAKER_01
Love you.
7
SPEAKER_00
Thanks for listening to this conversation with Bert Kreischer.
7
SPEAKER_00
To support this podcast, please check out our sponsors in the description.
7
SPEAKER_00
And now, let me leave you with some words from Hunter S. Thompson.
7
SPEAKER_00
Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather to skidden broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, wow, what a ride.
7
SPEAKER_00
Thank you for listening.
7
SPEAKER_00
I hope to see you next time.