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The Therapy for Black Girls podcast is your space to explore mental health, personal development, and all the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves.
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I m your host, Dr. Joy Harden-Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia, and I can t wait for you to join the conversation every Wednesday.
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Listen to the Therapy for Black Girls podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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Take good care, and we ll see you there.
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Bring a little optimism into your life with The Bright Side, a new kind of daily podcast from Hello Sunshine, hosted by me, Danielle Robay.
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And me, Simone Boyce.
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Every weekday, we re bringing you conversations about culture, the latest trends, inspiration, and so much more.
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I am so excited about this podcast, The Bright Side.
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You guys are giving people a chance to shine a light on their lives, shine a light on a little advice that they want to share.
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Listen to The Bright Side on America s number one podcast network, iHeart.
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Open your free iHeart app and search The Bright Side.
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people that I admire.
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When we say listen to your body, really tune in to what s going on.
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Authors of books that have changed my life.
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Now you re talking about sympathy, which is different than empathy.
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Never forget, it s okay to cry, as long as you make it a really good one.
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Listen to A Really Good Cry with Radhi Devlukia on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
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I kind of would like to start a service where, like, retired basketball players can hold you like a baby.
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I asked Shaq, I said, would you hold me like a baby and, like, then burp me?
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And he was like, girl, you crazy.
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You so damn silly.
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We got a special guest in the building.
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Emmy award-winning actress and comedian became the first black female comic to host SNL.
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Please welcome Tiffany Haddish.
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I was like, where are you?
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When can I see you?
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I need to see you.
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I miss you.
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Hey everyone, I ve got some huge news to share with you.
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In the last 90 days, 79.4% of our audience came from viewers and listeners that are not subscribed to this channel.
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There s research that shows that if you want to create a habit, make it easy to access.
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By hitting the subscribe button, you re creating a habit of learning how to be happier, healthier, and more healed.
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This would also mean the absolute world to me and help us make better, bigger, brighter content for you and the world.
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Subscribe right now.
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Hey, everyone.
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Welcome back to On Purpose.
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Thank you so much for tuning in to become happier, healthier, and more healed, which is the focus of this show.
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Now, today s guest is someone that I ve wanted to have on for a long, long time, and I m so excited that she s finally in the studio.
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She s already brought so much joy, laughter, and enjoyment into this room just by her mere presence.
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Today s guest is none other than Tiffany Haddish, an Emmy
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Grammy NAACP Image Award winner who s established herself as one of the most sought-after comedic actresses and performers worldwide.
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Tiffany s a New York Times best-selling author for her book, The Last Black Unicorn, and a children s book, author of Layla, The Last Black Unicorn.
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Her latest book is called I Curse You With Joy.
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I want you to go and grab this book right now.
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It releases May 7th, and this is the book we re diving into today.
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Tiffany pours her heart out.
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She shares her story.
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She shares the incredible journey that she s been on, and she makes it funny and deeply fulfilling.
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I can t wait for you to read this book.
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Go and grab it right now.
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Welcome to the show, Tiffany Haddish.
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Tiffany.
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Thank you.
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And the cover is pretty.
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The cover is beautiful.
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Beautiful.
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You can almost see all my ribs, because I was sucking them in.
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And that s where I wanted you to be able to see my heart.
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I was like, can y all just show like three more ribs right there?
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And then maybe you have my heart beat out.
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And they was like, we re not, that s unhealthy.
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How long did it take to get that shot?
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It didn t take long at all.
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It took like all of maybe five minutes.
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Wow.
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That s impressive.
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But I asked them if they could show my ribs more.
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Yeah.
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Just because I wanted my heart to show.
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No, they did not.
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No, they did not.
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They did not.
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But I did suck in my breath and like,
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Flex.
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Flex.
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I learned how to flex.
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Flex your chest muscles because I don t have much breasts.
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We flex the chest.
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Got it.
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That s a lot of padding right there.
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I love it.
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I love it.
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It s brilliant.
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Tiffany, what is the best part about being Tiffany Haddish?
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best part about being Tiffany was the best part about being me, girl.
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I don t know.
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I have so much fun.
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I have a lot of fun.
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I can tell.
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I carry a lot, but I m built for it.
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And I have a lot of fun doing it.
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Sometimes I complain about it.
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Sometimes I whine, but I m built for it and I enjoy it.
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When did you realize you were built for it?
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Probably when I was like 21, 22.
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Yeah, 22, I say 22, because at 21, I was like, I don t want to be here on this planet no more.
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This sucks.
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It feels like everybody s taking their pain out on me.
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But what I realized is like, oh, I love to hear people laughing.
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Maybe they re bringing me their pain and taking that, because I m supposed to transmute that into laughter.
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I m supposed to take that and flip it for them.
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And once I learn how to do that and perfect it, then the easier it ll be for me.
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And it is easier in relationships for me now, but when it comes to other things, it s a lot more difficult, like cleaning my room.
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I am a hoarder.
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I think I m an emotional hoarder and it shows up, it manifests in my bedroom.
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What kind of things do you hoard?
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Clothes, knickknacks, gadgets.
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I love gadgets.
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I don t know why I bring the gadget to the bed, like it s gonna do something magical in the bed and it s not even for the bed, it s probably for the kitchen.
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But I m like, let me see how this gadget work.
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And I like, I m big on experimenting and I do a lot of it in my bedroom.
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Cause that s my layer and I don t let like people in my room.
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So like I got a microscope in there.
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It s like half laboratory, half office, half closet, half, what is all this over here?
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So if I walk into the, I m not allowed, but if I was to walk into your bedroom, would I fall over and trip over and hurt myself?
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You would trip over a basket of clothes and then you ll be like, what is that in the corner?
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Are you, are you building something?
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Like, what kind of electronics is that?
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And then like, why is there clothes all over here?
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And then what s that on the bed?
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And are you making jewelry?
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Are you sorting the jewelry?
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Like what is going on?
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Wow.
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Yeah, it s a lot going on.
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You need to show me a picture later.
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I m not going to show you no picture.
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It s embarrassing.
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When I look at it, I m like, geez, Tiffany, your brain is everywhere.
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Wow.
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That s what it feels like.
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Yeah.
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Because I imagine that your bedroom is a reflection of your mind.
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Because it s where I do spend most of my time in the house.
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And like all the rest of the house is pretty clean.
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There might be some little boxes in the corner here by like mail on the table.
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But I go through that, sort that out real quick.
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But my room, I don t know.
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It s like, oh, I ll get to that when I feel like it.
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I m going to play with this right now.
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Let me see how these sea monkeys are doing in the corner over here.
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Let me see what this is doing.
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Do you have pets in your room too?
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I mean, no.
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It s some sea monkeys.
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Are those pets?
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I don t know.
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I don t know.
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I don t think those are pets.
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No, that s an experiment.
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That s a shrimp.
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But I mean, my cat might come in there occasionally.
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And if I get really like lonely or whatever, I ll bring the dog in, you know.
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And then the dog is like burrowing herself in my dirty clothes.
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I get her out of there because she likes to chew the crotch of my underwears, my dirty underwears.
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I don t like it.
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And you like that chaos?
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You like waking up to that, sleeping in that?
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It feels cozy.
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I don t have a man.
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I don t have nobody else s mind of sorts, but my own.
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When men do spend the night, I only let them sleep in the guest room.
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Got it.
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Because they re guests in my house.
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So you pay bills, you can t come up in the main room.
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And when they start paying my bills, then I guess that s when I ll clean up my room and make space for them.
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I m a classic Virgo, so everything for me has to be
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Organized.
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Organized, like tidy, everything has to be in its place.
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Like, I think I can, I walk into a room and I can spot the one thing that s like half a centimeter off and I need to put it back in its place.
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And that would be the kind of guy I would like to date.
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Right, right.
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So that he can like clean up after me.
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Got it, understood.
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And then I ll make him laugh and stuff and bring him joy and have adventure for him.
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I have some adventures for you.
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Not too much drama.
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I m not big on the drama, but I am big on adventure experiences.
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And then I m, but I m messy.
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Yeah.
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That s cool.
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You re allowed to be messy.
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But I m not dirty, but it s like... I get it.
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I get it.
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It s a mess.
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Yeah.
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And I mean, I saw that you said you ve been celibate for the past six months.
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Who said that?
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Is that true?
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Okay.
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Okay.
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So... Is that true?
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I mean, does kissing count?
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No.
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As in that s still celibate.
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I m just not.
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Yeah.
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Okay.
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I m not being penetrated.
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That s for sure.
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No penetration.
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Is that an intentional choice?
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Was that something you were trying to work up to and practice or?
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Is it been six months, though?
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I guess so.
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October does make it six months.
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Yeah, yeah.
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Yeah, because I just don t want to lay down with nobody, just anybody.
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I just feel like, dang, I am the prize, and these dudes got to qualify.
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And when I think about my track record of who I lay down with, it takes like a year or so for me to even warm up.
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It s a line.
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It s a line of dudes that s, you know, hey, Tiff, hey.
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I mean, I love going to free dinners.
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I ll go on free dinner dates.
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I mean, not free dinner dates, but yeah, it s free for me.
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But it do cost me money to get cute and stuff and the gas and the car or whatever.
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You know, I asked because obviously when I lived as a monk I was celebrating for three years, so it was like a, it was a big, big, big commitment in my life.
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Did it make you feel like, ah!
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In the beginning, yes.
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Really?
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For sure, for sure.
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It was hard, but then- I bet it was hard.
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Yeah, as time went on.
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Oh Tiffany, only you, only you.
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It feels easy.
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I don t know, I ve been working out a lot so I feel like I get my sexual like frustrations out in the workout and then like I said gadgets.
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Did it take you a while to raise your standards?
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Like where did this qualification, this language, this vocabulary you have right now around dating, was that something that has come with time?
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Is that something that was always there, that
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You know, it was definitely not always there.
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Definitely, if you read the book, you know that it was not always there.
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I just feel like it s like it s certain things that I want for myself and I want to share the success.
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And what I ve learned is when you re like laying down with people that s not really as ambitious as you are or comfortable in their skin or confident with who they are or even just not even necessarily confident, just know who they are.
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It becomes a problem, and I think when you lay down with somebody, you are sharing your soul, you are sharing a piece of yourself, you re giving a little piece of yourself up.
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And I don t, I think, like I only got so much soul left, and I don t wanna necessarily just give it over to anybody, you know?
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I don t think, I don t know if the soul grows, I don t know if you can rejuvenate new soul like you do skin or hair, but it just feels like, I don t wanna subject myself to it.
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Also, now once I let you inside my body, I gotta know you, gotta get to know, gotta learn you and all that stuff.
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And so scientifically, okay, now we re going to get into the science of it all.
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Yeah, yeah, so I did my scientific research.
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I was reading about how, you know, once you let somebody ejaculate their sperm, right, the uterus is very absorbent.
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So you absorb all of that into your bloodstream, right?
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So
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Now you like attracted to them.
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So like when the Bible says, you will only desire your husband, this is part why, because now he s like in your blood, like in like bonding with your DNA.
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And if you get pregnant by this person, it takes like six months or so for them to get out of your DNA.
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If you decide to have a baby or get pregnant by this person, those stem cells from that baby is in you forever.
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So they are forever a part of you.
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Do I forever want to be a part of somebody who s like mentally ill?
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Do I forever want this person to be like,
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in my eyeballs, in my brain, in my heart, the stem cells from them and what we like, you know, could have potentially made, do I forever want that?
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And then I think about like, like hoes and why they be so crazy.
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And it s because it s too many personalities, too much in there, as I see it anyway.
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That s my science.
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That s science from Tiffany Haddish.
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When is the Tiffany Haddish sex ed masterclass coming out?
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Well, there s a short sex ed portion in the book.
1
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You know, I think I would have been a great sex education teacher.
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That s what I m thinking listening to you right now.
1
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Yeah I think I would have been really good at that.
1
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I think we need to get a national program.
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Yeah because I notice like females that I know that like are really emotional and like going like always the world is like ah in an uproar and then if you find out like how many body what s their body count and like and especially if it s a high body count is a lot of them probably didn t have no condom on and then you probably you probably absorbed a lot of that stuff and
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Who s to say they didn t, they might ve been pregnant, didn t realize they were pregnant, and just thought, oh, this is a hard period, but really, they might ve been having a miscarriage, or it was just a pregnancy that didn t stick, whatever.
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Like, it s a lot.
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It s a lot.
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It sounds like this has obviously been something that, I know we re laughing, but at the same time, we re learning, like, this has been something you ve been learning about, thinking about, reflecting on, especially when you dive into your book, as we were talking about earlier,
1
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You make everything sound really funny and there s this expression of the feeling, but then there s the deep pain and the stress that comes from it.
1
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Were there particular romantic experiences that were hard for you to get over?
1
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A lot of our audience is struggling with breakups, is struggling with missing their exes, struggling with trying to move on and find the right person.
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What have you been through that you could share with those people that may help you?
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Yeah, okay, so I m gonna be real clear with you.
1
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The people that I was missing, I probably shouldn t have been missing, right?
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Like the ones that inflicted a lot of physical pain on me, the ones that inflicted emotional pain on me.
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I think I talked about one of them in this book.
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I know I talked about the ex in the other book, but this book, like, okay, so,
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I had this, like, you know, homie-loving friend for a long time.
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A long, long, long, long time.
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He s very disrespectful to me, very kind of messed up to me.
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But in my mind, we could get married.
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We had the most beautiful babies.
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He handsome.
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I m pretty.
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Like, it would be so cool.
1
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He s smart and intellectual.
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I m kind of smart, I think.
1
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Like, it would be fun.
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We have the best conversations.
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Like, we have fun.
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But then he would treat me like crap.
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Right?
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And I would subject myself to that man, and I would be happy to be in his presence, but at the same time, when he s not around, I d be hurting so bad.
1
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Hurting so bad, in fiending form.
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I don t know what it s like to do hard drugs, but I m imagining, that s the hard drug right there.
1
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That D, when you really like, that could be the hard drug.
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Breaking myself from that, that would be like, okay, what else do you love?
1
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What else do you care about?
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Put your energy into something else.
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I ve seen all online, like, oh, Tiffany s feigning for her, or she s still pining over this guy that she was dating.
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Like, that was fun.
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That relationship was fun.
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Only thing I miss about that relationship is the fun.
1
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Everything else was like, eh.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, cool.
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But we had a lot of fun.
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And people I have fun with, I miss all of them.
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When I don t get to see them often, when I don t talk to them, I miss all of them, even if they were a bad influence.
1
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I miss them all.
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But I m not like, oh God, I gotta have them, or talk and mess about them.
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No, I genuinely love that person, wish them the best.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m busy doing this now, they re busy doing that now, cool.
1
SPEAKER_00
But was there a particular, yeah, that homie love a friend.
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who was like on and off for like almost 20 years.
1
SPEAKER_01
Wow, 20 years!
1
SPEAKER_00
Yes, I can be loyal, I can be loyal with the homie, Love of France, you know, it s like, oh we not, we on, but we not in a relationship.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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But in my mind,
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I painted this.
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Yeah, we was married.
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I was cooking for him and doing all kind of stuff like, you know, make sure his telephone stayed on so I could talk to him.
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Stupid stuff.
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Stupid.
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Just dumb.
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Just dumb.
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Then like, oh, I realized, OK, this isn t going to go nowhere.
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So I m going to go with this guy that likes me and them that don t like pan out.
1
SPEAKER_00
Because really, I m still fiending over this dude.
1
SPEAKER_00
Then, OK, that didn t work out.
1
SPEAKER_00
No, no, no.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m going to get married.
1
SPEAKER_00
Somebody want to marry me?
1
SPEAKER_00
I m getting married.
1
SPEAKER_00
You don t want to marry me?
1
SPEAKER_00
Nobody else going to marry me.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then that didn t really pair, because I didn t want to get small.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, yeah, I didn t want to be small.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then it was just like free for all, you know.
1
SPEAKER_00
What you working with?
1
SPEAKER_00
What s up, baby?
1
SPEAKER_00
As long as you got a good credit score.
1
SPEAKER_00
What s your credit score?
1
SPEAKER_00
Because that means you re going to be responsible with my heart.
1
SPEAKER_00
At least I think you are.
1
SPEAKER_00
I hope you are.
1
SPEAKER_01
But now I got a whole criteria.
1
SPEAKER_01
What did you find that people that had a good credit score, did that have any correlation with?
1
SPEAKER_00
I feel like it had a lot to do with how they treat me.
1
SPEAKER_00
Good credit score, they re like more responsible.
1
SPEAKER_00
They show up on time.
1
SPEAKER_00
I noticed that.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I saw that.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, I would ask like, hey, do you know your credit score?
1
SPEAKER_00
First of all, I think that s something you should know because that s your grown up report card.
1
SPEAKER_00
I just wanted to see how responsible they were.
1
SPEAKER_00
And most of them were very, like, I have yet to meet somebody with a pretty high credit score that wasn t like reliable.
1
SPEAKER_01
You didn t find that you met people who were arrogant or showboating?
1
SPEAKER_00
No, no, they might ve been arrogant.
1
SPEAKER_00
They might ve been like showboating, but they were responsible.
1
SPEAKER_00
I want somebody to be responsible with my heart.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like it s a, I got a big heart, right?
1
SPEAKER_00
Got a lot of love to give and I, I m very forgiving and all that, but like, don t abuse it.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s been abused enough and I don t want to have to like attack you.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t want to have to, like, be vicious with you.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s what, like, I would say the last, like, five relationships I ve had, like, I really respect those dudes because they were kind with my heart.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know, for what they could, you know, they were good with my heart.
1
SPEAKER_00
They didn t, like,
1
SPEAKER_00
it up where I m just like, F men, bring on the pussies.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m gay now.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think I m still like two or three heartbreaks away from that.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t even think that s a thing though for me.
1
SPEAKER_00
I really think I m a gay man, but that s neither here nor there.
1
SPEAKER_01
And what are your criteria now?
1
SPEAKER_01
You said that s a lot of information.
1
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I think I was a man in my past.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like you, you believe in past lives.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
We were talking, I think we were messaging about this.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think I was a man in my past life and I think I was a man that was kind
2
SPEAKER_03
of messed up.
2
SPEAKER_03
I think I was like, maybe I had a really big penis and I was a womanizer, maybe I was bisexual, maybe I hurt a lot of hearts.
2
SPEAKER_03
And I feel like in this life, God said, okay, you gonna suffer some, but you gonna win too.
2
SPEAKER_03
And I think that s why I got endometriosis.
2
SPEAKER_03
So I could really understand the pain of a woman.
2
SPEAKER_03
and understand the value of the heart.
2
SPEAKER_01
My wife jokes with me that she thinks we were married in our past life, but she was the guy and I was the girl.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s like the trade-off.
2
SPEAKER_01
Because I m the romantic one, I m the one writing her notes and messages and I want to do all the grand gestures and stuff.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m the one interior designing our home and doing all of that stuff and she does not care.
2
SPEAKER_03
No, she s like, let s get money and go on a trip.
2
SPEAKER_03
Let s have some fun.
2
SPEAKER_03
Let s go do an adventure.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I like adventure.
2
SPEAKER_01
I like adventure.
2
SPEAKER_01
You were saying you have criteria now.
2
SPEAKER_01
What are the criteria to date Tiffany Addish?
2
SPEAKER_03
Okay, so now that I m older, I can t have that criteria of like, oh, he can t have no kids because we re older now.
2
SPEAKER_03
So I expect if he has kids, cool, but they need to be grown, 18 or over, because I don t want to deal with baby mama drama.
2
SPEAKER_03
And I feel like
2
SPEAKER_03
I like communicating like an adult.
2
SPEAKER_03
Also, he needs to have his own career or some sort of business.
2
SPEAKER_03
He needs to have an EIN number.
2
SPEAKER_03
I think that s really important.
2
SPEAKER_03
He needs to know how to run something.
2
SPEAKER_03
I think men like to have control and power over women and want to run women and want to be the leader.
2
SPEAKER_03
How s your business?
2
SPEAKER_03
Does your business run well?
2
SPEAKER_03
Do you have long-term employees?
2
SPEAKER_03
Is that doing well?
2
SPEAKER_03
Because if I m going to give you access to me, I need to know that you know how to do that.
2
SPEAKER_03
Good credit score.
2
SPEAKER_03
Now, I will forgive if maybe your credit score fell off for a minute because you had to go to the doctor or something happened, whatever.
2
SPEAKER_03
Okay, I might can forgive that.
2
SPEAKER_03
But then also, I want you to be physically healthy and fit.
2
SPEAKER_03
You better be on top of your health.
2
SPEAKER_03
I m trying my best with mine, and I don t want to be changing nobody s diapers.
2
SPEAKER_03
That s wrong.
2
SPEAKER_03
If you have pubic hairs, I don t think I should be changing your diaper.
2
SPEAKER_01
I find that to be the biggest one.
2
SPEAKER_01
I find so many
2
SPEAKER_01
People don t grow up till so much later in life.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I find so many of my friends are either with guys or girls or whoever it may be that feel young.
2
SPEAKER_01
And they feel like they are the person s parent.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
And they re their partner s parent.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I don t want that.
2
SPEAKER_01
And they re cooking for them, cleaning for them, taking care of all of this stuff.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s bizarre to me that we re still living in that time.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, I don t want to feel like I m your parent.
2
SPEAKER_03
I don t want to feel like I m your doctor.
2
SPEAKER_03
But if you got like a cold or something, or you feeling like you got a little back pain, I love to rub your back.
2
SPEAKER_03
And I come up with elixirs and stuff to make you feel better or whatever.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, but you need to come already showing up pretty healthy.
2
SPEAKER_03
I think it is like the military.
2
SPEAKER_01
What s in these elixirs?
2
SPEAKER_03
Oh, these are, you know, we got ginger, we got turmeric, you know, we got the little vitamins and nutrients, you know, aloe vera, things from my garden.
2
SPEAKER_03
You grow some of this stuff?
2
SPEAKER_03
I grow this stuff.
2
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, I grow food.
2
SPEAKER_03
And also, I need a guy that s not afraid to get a little dirty.
2
SPEAKER_03
you know, help me in the garden, like, don t be afraid of bees and stuff, because I got bees and I harvest honey.
2
SPEAKER_01
Wait, do you have the full hazmat suit and all that stuff?
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, I got the whole suit, but I barely, I barely, I don t know why you call it a hazmat suit.
2
SPEAKER_01
What s it called?
2
SPEAKER_01
What is it?
2
SPEAKER_03
It s a beekeeper suit.
2
SPEAKER_03
The beekeeper suit.
2
SPEAKER_03
The beekeeper suit.
2
SPEAKER_03
Keep you from being stung.
2
SPEAKER_03
But
2
SPEAKER_03
I also, most of the time I sit out there with no suit on.
2
SPEAKER_03
I just sit and talk to them, listen to them, like sing to the bees.
2
SPEAKER_01
How many bees will you have on you at one time?
2
SPEAKER_03
I don t know.
2
SPEAKER_03
I don t be sitting there counting like, ooh, look, I got a hundred bees.
2
SPEAKER_03
They don t sit on me.
2
SPEAKER_03
They be around me.
2
SPEAKER_03
I be singing, telling them stories, telling jokes, maybe complaining.
2
SPEAKER_03
I m pretty sure my neighbors hear me.
2
SPEAKER_03
So maybe the neighbors feel like I m crazy talking to myself or talking on the phone or whatever.
2
SPEAKER_03
I don t know.
2
SPEAKER_03
I sing songs to them all the time.
2
SPEAKER_03
My favorite song is, I know the bees are probably like, why is she singing this song to us?
2
SPEAKER_03
But I like, Butterfly come and hear you stand upon my hand.
2
SPEAKER_03
I will not harm you or never need alarm you.
2
SPEAKER_03
I want to see your pretty wings.
2
SPEAKER_03
Tiny, dainty, colorful things.
2
SPEAKER_03
Orange and yellow, pretty fellow.
2
SPEAKER_03
And I change the colors every time.
2
SPEAKER_03
I sing that, and then I sing Skinny Marinky Dinky Dink to the songs that make me happy.
2
SPEAKER_03
I sing to them.
2
SPEAKER_03
Mostly when I m stressed out, I go sit out with the bees.
2
SPEAKER_01
So when you re stressed out, you sing, sing to the bees, sit outdoors.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, sit outdoors, lay in the grass next to them.
2
SPEAKER_03
Sometimes I just listen to them and imagine they telling me stories and I m just really listening to the hive buzz.
2
SPEAKER_03
They say that there s a C tone or there s a tone in a beehive that helps get rid of PTSD.
2
SPEAKER_03
Oh, I didn t know that, wow.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, yeah, that s what they say.
2
SPEAKER_03
When I was doing my research on bees, that was something like that.
2
SPEAKER_03
The noise of a hive helps with PTSD.
2
SPEAKER_03
uh so I like that noise.
2
SPEAKER_01
Wow that s fascinating and that you learned while you were getting the bees or afterwards?
2
SPEAKER_03
And once I got the bees yeah once I got the bees I learned that you know I was like oh I m in a relationship now with thousands let s let s figure this out.
2
SPEAKER_03
Who s your queen bee?
2
SPEAKER_03
Um there s a queen bee I m the I m I m the master queen you know
2
SPEAKER_03
I m the friend of the bees.
2
SPEAKER_03
I feed them.
2
SPEAKER_03
I give them like, you know, spirulina with some, some sugar water or some like chlorophyll with sugar water and stuff like that.
2
SPEAKER_03
You re like really in touch with nature.
2
SPEAKER_03
Like nature seems to be.
2
SPEAKER_03
I love nature.
2
SPEAKER_03
That s where I can like, you can go sit in a tree, like in the trees, but I do be in a tree sometimes.
2
SPEAKER_03
You can go sit near the trees or in the trees and you could cry and the trees are not going to be like, what s wrong with you?
2
SPEAKER_03
You know, if anything, they ll like blow the leaves and like rub your shoulder or something, you know?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, wow.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s fascinating.
2
SPEAKER_03
In my mind, that s what I imagine.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, okay.
2
SPEAKER_03
I have a very vivid imagination, so.
2
SPEAKER_01
And has that always been like that since you were young?
2
SPEAKER_01
Always been like that.
2
SPEAKER_03
Always.
2
SPEAKER_01
Did you have an imaginary friend growing up?
2
SPEAKER_03
Yes, I did.
2
SPEAKER_03
I had two.
2
SPEAKER_03
What were their names?
2
SPEAKER_03
Carbolita and Cracker.
2
SPEAKER_03
Cracker was a bird, and I used to be like, Cracker want a poly?
2
SPEAKER_03
And I would break crackers up on my shoulders and stuff.
2
SPEAKER_03
It was really, imaginary friends was to make real friends.
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, they were a coping mechanism for kids as well.
2
SPEAKER_03
For sure, a coping mechanism.
2
SPEAKER_03
In my mind, they listened to everything I said.
2
SPEAKER_03
I know exactly what they look like in my mind.
2
SPEAKER_03
I used to really rock them hard in junior high.
2
SPEAKER_03
And we used to be like, Cracker, what s answer number seven?
2
SPEAKER_03
And they d be like, Tiffany s being racist.
2
SPEAKER_03
And I m like, no, I m not.
2
SPEAKER_03
I m talking to my bird.
2
SPEAKER_01
And Carbolita?
2
SPEAKER_03
And Carbolita, yeah, she was like a Puerto Rican mommy.
2
SPEAKER_03
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
What was her role?
2
SPEAKER_03
Her role was like to keep people away from me.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_03
So I d be like, oh, you can t sit here.
2
SPEAKER_03
Carbolita s sitting there.
2
SPEAKER_03
You can t sit right there.
2
SPEAKER_03
That s her seat.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_03
You know, Carbolita said that you cute.
2
SPEAKER_03
She wanted to know if you want to share your coffee cake with her.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, so she was that in-between, that go-between, who comes close, who stays far.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, and people would laugh.
2
SPEAKER_03
They d be like, girl, you silly as hell.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s fascinating, isn t it?
2
SPEAKER_01
I feel like that whole idea of imaginary friends, it s like, if you thought about that when you were young, you d laugh at it.
2
SPEAKER_01
But now when you look back, you re like, oh wait, there was a role that that person played that I didn t have someone else play in my life.
2
SPEAKER_01
So I created someone for something.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, I would be like, my sister would be trying to play with me.
2
SPEAKER_03
I d be like, you can t play, Carpalita says she doing this one.
2
SPEAKER_03
You can t do that one, Carpalita done.
2
SPEAKER_03
Really, I just didn t want my sister to be doing it, but I didn t want to tell her, I don t want you to do it.
2
SPEAKER_03
So I say, Carpalita didn t want it.
2
SPEAKER_03
But it was really me.
2
SPEAKER_03
I really didn t want her there.
2
SPEAKER_02
The Therapy for Black Girls podcast is an NAACP and Webby Award winning podcast dedicated to all things mental health, personal development, and all of the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves.
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Here, we have the conversations that help Black women decipher how their pasts inform who they are today.
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and use that information to decide who they want to be moving forward.
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We chat about things like how to establish routines that center self-care, what burnout looks and feels like, and defining what aspects of our lives are making us happy and what parts are holding us back.
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And I can t wait for you to join the conversation every Wednesday.
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Tune in to the new podcast, Stories from the Village of Nothing Much, like easy listening, but for fiction.
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If you ve overdosed on bad news, we invite you into a world where the glimmers of goodness in everyday life are all around you.
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Listen to The Bright Side from Hello Sunshine every weekday on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
3
SPEAKER_05
So you told us the best things about being Tiffany Haddish.
3
SPEAKER_05
Tiffany, what are the worst things about being Tiffany Haddish?
3
SPEAKER_01
The worst thing about being Tiffany Haddish is Tiffany Haddish is always under attack, and gotta just let that happen, I guess.
3
SPEAKER_01
I guess that s just a part of being famous, but also I just feel like that s been my whole life.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s always somebody s been hating, somebody s talking mess, somebody, but at least back in the 1900s, people did it to your face.
3
SPEAKER_01
Or if they talked behind your back, if somebody told you they was talking behind your back, then you went up to approach them and say, you say this about me?
3
SPEAKER_01
They would either say yes or no.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, there would be, like,
3
SPEAKER_01
You know, you can hold someone accountable for what they were saying.
3
SPEAKER_01
Even if there was a reporter, you know, you could call up to the newspaper and say, I want to talk to this reporter.
3
SPEAKER_01
Why you say this about me?
3
SPEAKER_01
And then they ll tell you why they said what they said, right?
3
SPEAKER_01
But now it s like, everybody say whatever they want, and they think they can t be touched.
3
SPEAKER_01
But that s why I m investing in technology.
3
SPEAKER_01
You are?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, allow me to be able to call them.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_01
Why you feel like this?
3
SPEAKER_01
What did I do to you?
3
SPEAKER_01
Did I sleep with your man and I don t know it?
3
SPEAKER_01
What s the issue with you?
3
SPEAKER_01
Why you putting out such mean words?
3
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I think it s so crazy right now with social media because, I mean, suicide with teenagers right now is at an all with children.
3
SPEAKER_01
All time high, higher than it s ever been in the history of humans because they can read and they re seeing what people say.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like I work with a lot of foster youth and my kids, they be telling me they don t want me to be famous no more because they don t like what people saying about me and it makes them cry.
3
SPEAKER_01
It hurts them.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I m like, don t worry.
3
SPEAKER_01
It doesn t bother me.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m used to it.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s normal.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s normal.
3
SPEAKER_01
If I didn t have people talking mess about me, then I wouldn t be doing good.
3
SPEAKER_01
I mean, do you believe in Jesus?
3
SPEAKER_01
If you believe in Jesus, everybody was talking mess about him too.
3
SPEAKER_01
And look what happened.
3
SPEAKER_01
They re like, I don t want you to be assassinated like Jesus.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t want you to die.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m not gonna die.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay, I will die, but I m not gonna die that way.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m pretty sure, I hope I die during sex.
3
SPEAKER_01
But I m not gonna die in that way, I don t think.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_01
But we can t fester on that.
3
SPEAKER_01
And don t, just block that person.
3
SPEAKER_01
Just take those negative words off your thing.
3
SPEAKER_01
Block those words.
3
SPEAKER_01
But I would love to be able to just call these people.
3
SPEAKER_01
Because what I ve found is the people that be hatin , usually they really love me.
3
SPEAKER_01
They really, they study me super hard.
3
SPEAKER_01
They spend hours and hours making videos and like just saying mean stuff and talking, but you spend hours of your life studying me.
3
SPEAKER_01
There s some love there.
3
SPEAKER_01
There s some, you gotta really care about me to a certain, since I m honored.
3
SPEAKER_01
But it sucks, because you re not brave enough to say it to my face.
3
SPEAKER_01
I ll run into them at a party, and they ll be like, oh, can I get a picture?
3
SPEAKER_01
And I m like, why?
3
SPEAKER_01
Why do you want a picture with me?
3
SPEAKER_01
You did a horribly mean video about me.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, you saw that?
3
SPEAKER_01
You saw?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I saw.
3
SPEAKER_01
You put my name in the title.
3
SPEAKER_01
You don t think the algorithm is going to shoot me things that got my name in it?
3
SPEAKER_01
When Google first came out playing all of them, when they first came out, what s the first thing you looked up?
3
SPEAKER_01
I looked up my name.
3
SPEAKER_01
And so the algorithm knows I care about me.
3
SPEAKER_01
So it s going to send me the stuff about me.
3
SPEAKER_01
So you will see.
3
SPEAKER_01
I see you.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I m going to tell you to your face, because I m not fake.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m an actual human.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I wish it was the 1900s where you could slap somebody for talking shit.
3
SPEAKER_01
But now you can t even slap nobody no more.
3
SPEAKER_01
They want to sue you or whatever, like punks.
3
SPEAKER_05
So that s the worst part.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s the hard part, yeah, because I really want to fight, but I can t.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s not a battle worth fighting, right?
3
SPEAKER_01
But on my period, I will use my fake little page and I will chime in a little bit.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, is it?
3
SPEAKER_01
Take it back to the 90s.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s a finster.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, a finster, that s what they call it, right?
3
SPEAKER_01
A fake insta?
3
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, a fake insta.
3
SPEAKER_01
But it s not an insta, it s a Twitter.
3
SPEAKER_04
Oh, it s a Twitter, okay.
3
SPEAKER_04
Oh, an ex.
3
SPEAKER_04
It s an ex, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, yeah, Sarah be going in.
3
SPEAKER_04
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_04
How does that help?
3
SPEAKER_04
It feels good.
3
SPEAKER_04
It feels good?
3
SPEAKER_04
It s like a little release.
3
SPEAKER_04
And this is Sarah kind of like Carbolita, who s like protecting Tiffany, or no?
3
SPEAKER_04
No, Sarah s my middle name, it s me.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s me, but I would love to develop like an AI boyfriend that like protects me and like make him look really good and stuff.
3
SPEAKER_01
And he have the, you know, Instagram account and just like program him to protect me and to like shut down people and like, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
But I found out, I hired a forensic tech guy, and I found out like 75% of the hate I get is bots.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s not even real people.
3
SPEAKER_01
And the other 25% is people responding to the bots or making videos because of what they read from the bots.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s not even real.
3
SPEAKER_01
A lot of these articles be AI articles, not even real articles.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it s my name, but that s how powerful my name is.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, at least that s what they make me think.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, my name is so dope.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, they want those clicks.
3
SPEAKER_01
They want that, you know, like, I did this.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, I got all these clicks now, all these followers, because I was talking shit about Tiffany.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, it s kind of dope.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s kind of dope.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s kind of dope.
3
SPEAKER_01
But key, like, hot words will bring in the bots.
3
SPEAKER_05
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_05
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_05
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_05
Wow.
3
SPEAKER_05
I m learning a lot from you today.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_05
You can hire- It s like tech ed, sex ed.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s like- Yeah, I m multifaceted.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m like a little onion.
3
SPEAKER_05
It s great.
3
SPEAKER_05
It s amazing.
3
SPEAKER_05
I love how curious your mind is.
3
SPEAKER_05
I ve already learned about bees.
3
SPEAKER_05
It s fascinating.
3
SPEAKER_05
It s fascinating.
3
SPEAKER_05
I want to go backwards, Tiffany, because I feel like one of the things you do in this book is you really let us into some of the
3
SPEAKER_05
the trauma, the challenges, the difficult experiences.
3
SPEAKER_05
And as I said to you before, what I find amazing about the way you communicate is that we feel what you felt, even if we ve not been there.
3
SPEAKER_05
And I think the way you write in this book is really powerful.
3
SPEAKER_05
Like you said earlier, you said, I think I m smart.
3
SPEAKER_05
You re smart because the way you express yourself lands and resonates, even if you just read one or two lines that just grab hold of you.
3
SPEAKER_05
And at the same time, you re making everyone laugh through the book too.
3
SPEAKER_05
But
3
SPEAKER_05
I want to kind of go backwards because you had many different challenging traumatic relationships in your life.
3
SPEAKER_05
I want to start with your mother because she went through something horrific herself, which when I read about that, I was like, I can t even believe what she s had to go through and then how it impacted on you.
3
SPEAKER_05
I was going to ask you, has that relationship ever had an opportunity to heal or improve?
3
SPEAKER_01
Is it even possible?
3
SPEAKER_01
It s getting better and better every day.
3
SPEAKER_01
better and better every day because I have a better understanding.
3
SPEAKER_01
I used to be really mad at her and really upset with her.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, just take your meds.
3
SPEAKER_01
Just heal already.
3
SPEAKER_01
Just be back to my mommy, my everything.
3
SPEAKER_01
I always think about this time when, like, I loved that woman.
3
SPEAKER_01
I like really, really
3
SPEAKER_01
really loved that woman, like, like, immensely.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, that s my first love.
3
SPEAKER_01
This woman fed me, clothed me, taught me.
3
SPEAKER_01
I love this woman.
3
SPEAKER_01
And it s like, she came back from that accident somebody else.
3
SPEAKER_01
Not the woman that I love, but that s her meat suit, that s her body, but that s not my mommy.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I get glimpses of her and as time has gone by and I ve used my money to get her the best of the best and get her healthy and get her on track.
3
SPEAKER_01
And get my sister to education.
3
SPEAKER_01
My sister s helping me.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, we help each other.
3
SPEAKER_01
We are working as a team, right?
3
SPEAKER_01
And to see, like, the progress is, like, it s such a... It s like, okay, money s the root of all evil, but if you know how to use it right, it s a tool.
3
SPEAKER_01
And if you know how to use it right, you can help, like, heal and get, like, glimpses of what was.
3
SPEAKER_01
I remember when I was a little girl, I wanted to just make her happy.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s all I wanted.
4
SPEAKER_01
want to do to make her happy.
4
SPEAKER_01
And she would work these graveyard hours at the post office.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I was like three.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I wanted to make her eggs, because she would come in and make me eggs, right?
4
SPEAKER_01
And I used to always try to cook for her.
4
SPEAKER_01
Always, I d pull all the pots and pans and everything out.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like, I m going to cook for my mommy, and I m going to play music, too.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like, waste all this food.
4
SPEAKER_01
I ll put oatmeal, Worcestershire sauce, lard, seasoned salt, all this stuff.
4
SPEAKER_01
And she d be like, no, no, stop messing around with my stuff.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I d get a spanking.
4
SPEAKER_01
This one particular day, though, I was determined to make her some eggs.
4
SPEAKER_01
So I did everything I saw her do the day before.
4
SPEAKER_01
So I got the eggs out the refrigerator.
4
SPEAKER_01
I did all the eggs.
4
SPEAKER_01
All the eggs.
4
SPEAKER_01
I didn t take the shells off of them.
4
SPEAKER_01
Put all the eggs in this Tupperware bowl.
4
SPEAKER_01
I stirred it all up.
4
SPEAKER_01
I put pepper, I put garlic salt, I put lari seasoning salt, stir them all up, stir them all up, stir them all up.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then I turned on the fire on the stove and I just put the Tupperware container on top of the fire and I was stirring it.
4
SPEAKER_01
I was like, why is it not doing what it s supposed to do?
4
SPEAKER_01
And then it s like plastic, it s like smoking and it s burning.
4
SPEAKER_01
And my mom comes in there and she had just got off work, right?
4
SPEAKER_01
So she s in the bathroom, whatever.
4
SPEAKER_01
My mom comes in, what are you doing?
4
SPEAKER_01
She gives me a whooping, she turns off the fire, cleans up, gives me a spanking, says, you not supposed to do this.
4
SPEAKER_01
You don t touch the stove.
4
SPEAKER_01
You don t this.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I was just like, I m trying to make you breakfast.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m trying to make you breakfast.
4
SPEAKER_01
And she stopped.
4
SPEAKER_01
And this is what I loved about my mommy.
4
SPEAKER_01
She s the best mommy.
4
SPEAKER_01
She was the best.
4
SPEAKER_01
What I loved about her, she stopped, right?
4
SPEAKER_01
And she was like, I m going to teach you.
4
SPEAKER_01
If you re going to keep doing this, I got to teach you how to do this.
4
SPEAKER_01
So we cleaned the stove and everything together.
4
SPEAKER_01
She went and got some more eggs, because I had dead all the eggs.
4
SPEAKER_01
I had dead all the eggs.
4
SPEAKER_01
She got more eggs and stuff.
4
SPEAKER_01
We went to the grocery store.
4
SPEAKER_01
She said, this how you buy the eggs, this how you this, this how you that.
4
SPEAKER_01
We get home, she s like, okay, I m gonna show you how to make this.
4
SPEAKER_01
And she got another Tupperware bowl.
4
SPEAKER_01
She said, this is just for mixing, okay?
4
SPEAKER_01
And you use this and you do a dash like that.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I do the dash, and I do the dash.
4
SPEAKER_01
And she did this and a dash, and I did the dash, and did another dash, right?
4
SPEAKER_01
And she s like stirring it up.
4
SPEAKER_01
She showed me how to stir it up.
4
SPEAKER_01
I stir it up and she said, okay, now you see this skillet?
4
SPEAKER_01
This is a cast iron skillet.
4
SPEAKER_01
You put the eggs in here, always in the cast iron.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then you have to have butter, Tiffany, so the eggs can slide.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then she said, give me the butter.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then she let me scoop the butter and put the butter in there.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then she said, now you turn the fire on, but you don t turn it on super high.
4
SPEAKER_01
You turn it on medium, because you don t want your eggs to burn, OK?
4
SPEAKER_01
And I m like, OK.
4
SPEAKER_01
And so I turn it on medium.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then she s like, very good, very good.
4
SPEAKER_01
Now pour the eggs in there.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I pour it in.
4
SPEAKER_01
She said, pour it in slow.
4
SPEAKER_01
You don t got to pour it fast enough.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh, slow, slow.
4
SPEAKER_01
And she said, now take your spoon and stir it, stir it.
4
SPEAKER_01
This is scramble eggs.
4
SPEAKER_01
You re making scramble.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m like, scramble, scramble.
4
SPEAKER_01
I was so happy, so happy.
4
SPEAKER_01
Now I had got my ass lit.
4
SPEAKER_01
I almost burned down the house.
4
SPEAKER_01
And now she s teaching me how to do it.
4
SPEAKER_01
And we did it, and we ate the eggs together.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I just remember I was like in love with this woman for teaching me this.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then she s like, now you have to clean up.
4
SPEAKER_01
When you cook, you got to clean.
4
SPEAKER_01
So then it was, then we cleaned the dishes together.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then after that, I was her dishwasher.
4
SPEAKER_01
I always washed the dishes.
4
SPEAKER_01
Whenever she cooked, I was in there trying to cook with her.
4
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I was cutting up vegetables and stuff at three and four years old.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like I was the sous chef.
4
SPEAKER_01
I was always like, I wanted to be her best friend, helper, everything.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like, and she taught me a lot.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like, grocery shopping, all that.
4
SPEAKER_01
When my sisters was born, I m changing diapers.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m making bottles.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m her best helper.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m her everything.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like, that was, I loved her.
4
SPEAKER_01
I still love her, but I miss that mommy.
4
SPEAKER_01
I miss that mommy.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I m her helper now, but she like to fight me, so we gotta be careful, because I can t be showing up to work with a black eye.
4
SPEAKER_00
because she different now.
4
SPEAKER_01
I miss that mommy though.
4
SPEAKER_00
I can t imagine how hard it is to know someone that intimately, that closely, and then they re not that person because of a horrific accident that she had.
4
SPEAKER_00
So it was totally out of her control.
4
SPEAKER_00
And now not only do you have to get to know this new person, you miss this person that you just so beautifully described.
4
SPEAKER_00
When did you start even letting yourself process that grief?
4
SPEAKER_00
Because I can imagine it s just shock.
4
SPEAKER_01
Processing that grief?
4
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I don t know.
4
SPEAKER_01
I think when my grandma passed, who s my first best friend, who I still miss terribly, I think that s when
4
SPEAKER_01
I think that s when I started really like, okay, like the last, since she s been gone, it s been two years.
4
SPEAKER_01
I think it s been the hardest two years of my whole existence because that was my shield.
4
SPEAKER_01
That was my like protector.
4
SPEAKER_01
I could tell her all my dreams.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like, and she would be like, well, if you want to do that, you better figure this out.
4
SPEAKER_01
You better figure, like, she was like a good sounding board for me.
4
SPEAKER_01
And that s my first best friend.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I don t even, some days I don t even know how I get out the bed because I miss her so much.
4
SPEAKER_01
But then also I don t want to let her down.
4
SPEAKER_01
And she puts, she installs so much, like, no, don t give up.
4
SPEAKER_01
Don t be a quitter.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like, we not quitters over here.
4
SPEAKER_01
So you can t quit.
4
SPEAKER_01
So figure it out.
4
SPEAKER_01
Even if you got a half-ass, do it.
4
SPEAKER_01
Half-ass, do it.
4
SPEAKER_01
Get it done.
4
SPEAKER_01
Figure it out.
4
SPEAKER_01
And so that s what I do.
4
SPEAKER_01
But I also had to, like, learn to, like... I ve been learning how to grieve.
4
SPEAKER_01
I ve been learning how to sit in and, like... Some people tell me I shouldn t make jokes out of everything, but that s how I process.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I think you use the same muscles.
4
SPEAKER_01
The muscles that you use to cry, same muscles you use to laugh.
4
SPEAKER_01
It hurts so much when you cry.
4
SPEAKER_01
I mean, sometimes I cry so hard, I throw up and it is like, even though I could use the apps, but I don t, I don t want that.
4
SPEAKER_01
I d rather have the apps from laughing so hard.
4
SPEAKER_01
I d rather like, so I ll get to a point where I m like, oh, I m missing my grandma.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I ll try to remember something.
4
SPEAKER_01
I ll click on something that s like in my brain.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like I m clicking on like opening files up, like in a library.
4
SPEAKER_01
Remember those index where you have to put it in their room?
4
SPEAKER_01
And I m like, okay, uh, oh, when we made a sweet potato pie, ooh, and when we went to the fair together and left everybody behind, ooh, when we did, like, try to, like, click to the good memories, to the fun stuff.
4
SPEAKER_01
Even though there was a lot of hard stuff, but, like, I mean, I still got her wigs, I be putting on her wigs sometimes, and, like, I m getting afraid, because they starting to lose her scent, but, you know, I still, it s in the back of my memories in there.
4
SPEAKER_01
Sitting there, but like, yeah, and I ve been grieving my mom.
4
SPEAKER_01
I guess I ve been grieving her my whole life.
4
SPEAKER_01
My whole, like, teens and 20s and 30s and all that, but not really focused on it so much as grieving because the flesh is still here and I know she in there somewhere and I can get a little, sometimes a little fix.
4
SPEAKER_01
She in there somewhere.
4
SPEAKER_01
That s when you wish I had magical powers.
4
SPEAKER_01
Mommy s back.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God.
4
SPEAKER_01
That would be crazy though, because she was super thirsty for knowledge too.
4
SPEAKER_01
She calls me sometimes.
4
SPEAKER_01
We got her a cell phone and she been using it, but she keep on trying to buy stuff.
4
SPEAKER_01
So we got to be careful, like don t put no credit card on it, don t assign it to nothing, because she wouldn t want to buy stuff.
4
SPEAKER_01
And she called me and said, I need to go to college.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m trying to go to college.
4
SPEAKER_01
I need to go get certified in culinary arts.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m going to go get certified in dog grooming.
4
SPEAKER_01
I need to get certified in my Demo Deluxe program.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m like, Demo Deluxe?
4
SPEAKER_01
She s like, yes, food samples and marketing in grocery stores.
4
SPEAKER_01
I was like, well, I m building a grocery store.
4
SPEAKER_01
So then you could just do demos in the grocery store.
4
SPEAKER_01
You don t got to get certified.
4
SPEAKER_01
I got you.
4
SPEAKER_01
She s like, no, no, but I need to go to college.
4
SPEAKER_01
I need to go to school.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay, I have to go to school.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I m like, okay, mama.
4
SPEAKER_01
And that makes me excited that she wants to learn, that she wants to go to school.
4
SPEAKER_01
But then I m concerned.
4
SPEAKER_01
Do I let her go to school?
4
SPEAKER_01
Do I send her to this community college where she potentially might have an episode and fight somebody?
4
SPEAKER_01
Or she might disturb the class, start talking, or she starts seeing things and starts screaming at them?
4
SPEAKER_01
Or do I allow this?
4
SPEAKER_01
And what if we give her too much medication and she falls asleep in the class and she starts snoring super loud and they put her out and then we can t find her?
4
SPEAKER_01
Do I hire a nurse to go to school with her?
4
SPEAKER_01
Do I, like, okay, you trying to go to school, then you gotta go to school with my mama and y all take the same classes?
4
SPEAKER_01
Do I pay for somebody else s school to go to school with my mama and protect my mom and make sure she don t eat too much candy and make sure she don t eat no junk food and stuff?
4
SPEAKER_01
Like, because that, when she eats junk food or processed foods, that sends her over the edge and now she s like in another dimension.
4
SPEAKER_01
And am I blocking my mama from these dimensions?
4
SPEAKER_01
Because maybe her being in those other dimensions
4
SPEAKER_01
is really good material and I need to be sitting with her when she talking to these people that I don t see and maybe that s like something I could use for a movie or something.
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
4
SPEAKER_01
And maybe God gave her this brain injury to see over there and maybe she really protected me
5
SPEAKER_01
and I don t even know it, I m blocking my protection, because I feel like my grandma was my shield and my protection, but now that s gone, and I don t have the protector no more, so I gotta figure out who s protecting me.
5
SPEAKER_01
Right now it s just me, and my prayers, and I think my sister, my sister is definitely, we work well together, so.
5
SPEAKER_00
And your faith?
5
SPEAKER_00
My faith is definitely protected.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, that s why I say my prayers.
5
SPEAKER_01
God is like, that s my dad.
5
SPEAKER_01
I lost my actual biological, physical father, but I feel like God s been my dad all this time.
5
SPEAKER_01
I ve always believed in God, always had a relationship, been very mad at him a lot, but it is what it is.
5
SPEAKER_01
I still love him very much.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah i mean as i m as i m listening to you it s it s so challenging to think that you have someone in front of you.
5
SPEAKER_00
Will you know that the person you love is inside of them and like you said you get the glimpses but then at the same time like you said it can get abusive it can be violent again.
5
SPEAKER_00
Because of the brain injury and then when you look at your relationship with your father.
5
SPEAKER_00
And you go to in depth in the book and i want people to read the book but.
5
SPEAKER_00
I believe your father left when you were like three or four.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
And you always had this fixation of wanting to reconnect with him.
5
SPEAKER_00
And you talk about in the book how like any back of the head you see that look like your father, it s like, you re like, daddy, daddy, is that my dad?
5
SPEAKER_01
Are you my dad?
5
SPEAKER_01
Like, you know, that book, Are You My Mother?
5
SPEAKER_01
And like, are you my daddy?
5
SPEAKER_01
Are you my daddy?
5
SPEAKER_01
Like, so wanting a dad, I needed, I needed that.
5
SPEAKER_01
I think if I would have had him, I might not be who I am today, for sure.
5
SPEAKER_01
I wouldn t be who I am today, and that would be a tragedy.
5
SPEAKER_01
But maybe I wouldn t have slept with so many dudes.
5
SPEAKER_01
Maybe I wouldn t have been so thirsty for attention.
5
SPEAKER_01
Maybe I would have learned how to live with a man and been a better wife and be a better girlfriend and understand men better.
5
SPEAKER_01
But I think everything happens the way it s supposed to, even though I wish there was some male that was there that I felt safe with that could show me on a regular basis how to be around men and not like how I learned how to be around men, which was like, I was a tomboy and I was like, oh yeah, I could do that too.
5
SPEAKER_01
Like, stupid.
5
SPEAKER_00
No, I told you, you were figuring it out, you were figuring it out.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I was figuring it out, but dang, how much time would I have saved, you know?
5
SPEAKER_01
And my dad probably would have felt so much less guilt had he been around, you know, but my mom was threatening to put him in jail, get him deported or whatever, so I get it, I get it.
5
SPEAKER_01
He didn t want to go back to no war, I get it.
5
SPEAKER_00
But you were able to reconnect with him.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
from when you read about that, you re like, wow, because you d think most people would have resentment and bitterness and have this angst against this person, but actually you were just like, this is amazing.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, well, see, I wanted to have that.
5
SPEAKER_01
I thought that s what I would have.
5
SPEAKER_01
I thought I would kick him in the balls and be like, why d you even have sex with my mama and make me and leave me behind?
5
SPEAKER_01
I thought I would be so mean to him and mad with him, but that s not what my soul was feeling.
5
SPEAKER_01
My soul was feeling like,
5
SPEAKER_01
Okay, this is our new adventure.
5
SPEAKER_01
This is amazing.
5
SPEAKER_01
Like, oh, he s way handsomer than Mama said.
5
SPEAKER_01
He s actually way kinder than what she said.
5
SPEAKER_01
He s actually this, like, like everything that I was told was, like, the opposite.
5
SPEAKER_01
And then, like, everything my grandma told me was kind of, like, right on point, which I should have been listening to her.
5
SPEAKER_01
She was my best friend.
5
SPEAKER_01
I should have listened to her from the first.
5
SPEAKER_01
But, you know, the love of my life is telling me these things, so I m believing what she said.
5
SPEAKER_01
And, like,
5
SPEAKER_01
To be in his presence was like, the little girl, the three-year-old in me was so happy, and I was kind of upset that I was too big for him to pick up.
5
SPEAKER_01
Like, I wanted him to pick me up and hold me and put me on his hip.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I still kind of got this fixation with that, where I kind of would like to start a service where retired basketball players can hold you like a baby.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s amazing.
5
SPEAKER_01
You pay them like $300 an hour and they just hold you like a baby and tell you it s gonna be okay and pat you on the back and burp you.
5
SPEAKER_01
Why nobody burps you anymore?
5
SPEAKER_01
I want somebody to burp me.
5
SPEAKER_01
That s hilarious.
5
SPEAKER_01
I ve just got this vision of like Shaq.
5
SPEAKER_01
I asked Shaq, Shaq said, girl, you crazy.
5
SPEAKER_01
You so damn silly.
5
SPEAKER_01
You actually asked him?
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I asked him.
5
SPEAKER_01
He was like, girl, you silly.
5
SPEAKER_00
What did you ask him?
5
SPEAKER_01
I said, would you hold me like a baby and then burp me?
5
SPEAKER_01
And he was like, girl, you crazy.
5
SPEAKER_01
You so damn silly.
5
SPEAKER_00
Have you asked any other players?
5
SPEAKER_01
I have mentioned it, and they just laugh.
5
SPEAKER_01
I think they think I m joking, but I m dead serious.
5
SPEAKER_01
I don t even laugh when I say it.
5
SPEAKER_01
I m like, would you hold me like a baby and then put me over your shoulder and burp me?
5
SPEAKER_01
And then maybe hold me on your hip like this and just tell me it s going to be OK, that everything going to be all right?
5
SPEAKER_01
Would you do that for me?
5
SPEAKER_01
And they d be like, you re crazy, girl.
5
SPEAKER_01
You re so stupid.
5
SPEAKER_01
Girl, you stupid as hell, girl.
5
SPEAKER_01
You hear Tiffany, she s a real comedian.
5
SPEAKER_01
This a comedian right here.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s a real request though, like I can hear what you re saying, like there s, we all want this feeling of being embraced and being, like just feeling like nothing else matters and that everything s taken care of and there s a safety that we re all craving, even if that s... Like when I see my mom now, like I see her all the time, but it s like right, I could tell when my cycle come in, right before, because I see her and I just want her to hold me, so I just hug her super tight, she d be like, get off, get off, get off.
5
SPEAKER_01
And she s like, all right, that s enough.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I m like, no, mama, hold me.
5
SPEAKER_01
And she s like, that s enough, that s enough.
5
SPEAKER_01
Clearly my love language is touch, right?
5
SPEAKER_01
So then another time she was sitting on the couch in my house watching TV and she s just like, this TV s so big.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I felt so proud of myself that she said my TV s so big.
5
SPEAKER_01
So then I sat down next to her and then I just tried to like crawl up in her lap.
5
SPEAKER_01
I tried to like,
5
SPEAKER_01
get in her lap and she s like, girl, you re too big, get off of me, get off of me.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I m just like, I want her to hold me in her lap like she used to when I was a baby, when I was little.
5
SPEAKER_01
I used to sit in her lap and watch TV, lean on her like this, you know, we watch TV together.
5
SPEAKER_01
But I m too big now, I m too damn big.
5
SPEAKER_00
Walk me through that phone call with your dad when it comes out of nowhere.
5
SPEAKER_00
Because you re so much, how old are you in that?
5
SPEAKER_00
26, about to be 27.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, so we re talking about three, four to 26, 27.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s like, walk me through.
5
SPEAKER_01
Okay, so I talked to this man that s at some facility, said he knows my dad or whatever, and he s gonna give my dad the number and all this stuff.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I said, okay, cool.
5
SPEAKER_01
Then like days go by and then I get the call and he s like, hello, is this Tiffany?
5
SPEAKER_01
And I m like, I knew, like my whole soul knew instantly who he was.
5
SPEAKER_01
Like,
5
SPEAKER_01
It s like DNA, like recognition or something.
5
SPEAKER_01
Like the little girl in me lit up.
5
SPEAKER_01
Like if I was like laying on the couch sleeping, it was like, daddy?
5
SPEAKER_01
I was like, daddy, is that you?
5
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, yes.
5
SPEAKER_01
He was like, this is Thayye, your father.
5
SPEAKER_01
Daddy, where you been?
5
SPEAKER_01
Where you been?
5
SPEAKER_01
Are you sure you re my dad?
5
SPEAKER_01
Wait, are you sure you re my dad?
5
SPEAKER_01
And I was asking him questions about family members.
5
SPEAKER_01
He knew stuff that nobody else would know except him and my mama would know.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, where are you?
5
SPEAKER_01
When can I see you?
5
SPEAKER_01
I need to see you.
5
SPEAKER_01
I miss you.
5
SPEAKER_01
Where you been?
5
SPEAKER_01
Why you ain t come and get me?
5
SPEAKER_01
I just wanted him to keep talking.
5
SPEAKER_01
That voice, man.
5
SPEAKER_01
I m not very good at impersonating it, but I got a lot of voicemails.
5
SPEAKER_01
I always ask him, if I don t answer, please leave me a voice message.
5
SPEAKER_01
I got his voice messages, and I be listening to him make me feel better.
5
SPEAKER_01
I miss him.
5
SPEAKER_01
I was missing him.
5
SPEAKER_01
I barely knew him, and I was missing him, right?
5
SPEAKER_01
So I be loving people too much, I think.
5
SPEAKER_01
But I knew it was him immediately.
5
SPEAKER_01
I wanted to see him immediately and set up a time for me to go and visit him.
5
SPEAKER_01
So I drive up to Virginia, went up to Virginia, and I went to see him.
5
SPEAKER_01
As soon as I saw him, it was like my whole soul rejoiced.
5
SPEAKER_01
So happy.
5
SPEAKER_01
He s very handsome.
5
SPEAKER_01
I m glad I met him in that way instead of in some nightclub or something, because I probably would have tried to hit on him or something.
5
SPEAKER_01
I thought he was beautiful.
5
SPEAKER_01
And we just talked and talked and talked, and I was just trying to crawl in his lap, but I m bigger than him.
5
SPEAKER_01
I was trying to get him to hold me.
5
SPEAKER_01
I tried to spend as much time with him as I could, and he was feeling a lot of guilt.
5
SPEAKER_01
He said, I should have been there for this, I should have been there for that.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I m like, yeah, you should have, but you re here now.
5
SPEAKER_01
We got this now.
5
SPEAKER_01
And just getting to know him, and I was asking him all these questions like, is it true that I m Jewish?
5
SPEAKER_01
My grandma always said this, is this true?
5
SPEAKER_01
He goes, yes, this is true.
5
SPEAKER_01
But this and this and this, and this is what happened, and I had to leave, and I had to this.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I m just like, wow, asking him so many questions.
5
SPEAKER_01
What was it like for you when you was a little boy?
5
SPEAKER_01
Did you use toilet in the hole?
5
SPEAKER_01
Did you use toilet in the toilet?
5
SPEAKER_01
What did you have?
5
SPEAKER_01
And he was like, yeah, we had money.
5
SPEAKER_01
We had a toilet.
5
SPEAKER_01
I had Italian clothes.
5
SPEAKER_01
I had this.
5
SPEAKER_01
I learned German.
5
SPEAKER_01
I learned this language.
5
SPEAKER_01
I know this.
5
SPEAKER_01
I know that.
5
SPEAKER_01
It was like eight languages.
5
SPEAKER_01
I just was constantly, I feel like I was interrogating him all the time.
5
SPEAKER_01
He came to California, and then I would take him to go see my mom, but then I would snap at him and stuff, because it would be this part of me that s like, damn, I m doing all this shit for you, when are you going to do something for me?
5
SPEAKER_01
But then I had to check myself, like, hey, he gave us life, be nice.
5
SPEAKER_01
But sometimes I would be mean, especially
6
SPEAKER_02
And he would get the business.
6
SPEAKER_02
If I drank, sometimes I would get really lit and remorseful.
6
SPEAKER_02
Then I would call him and I d just cuss him out.
6
SPEAKER_02
I d just get him out.
6
SPEAKER_02
I m like, that was all because you wasn t there.
6
SPEAKER_02
I was this because you didn t show up.
6
SPEAKER_02
You didn t teach me how to do this.
6
SPEAKER_03
He did hear that.
6
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, he did hear it.
6
SPEAKER_02
He heard it from the drunk side of me.
6
SPEAKER_03
Were you funny when you were drunk like that or no, that was like intense?
6
SPEAKER_02
No, I was in 10.
6
SPEAKER_02
I was sitting on the porch.
6
SPEAKER_02
I was like, I married this man.
6
SPEAKER_02
I shouldn t have married this man.
6
SPEAKER_02
I was like, yeah, I was at home drinking to my nerves.
6
SPEAKER_02
I m like, what did I do?
6
SPEAKER_02
I ruined my life.
6
SPEAKER_02
Like, this isn t who I m supposed to be with.
6
SPEAKER_02
But clearly I was supposed to be there because I needed to learn some things.
6
SPEAKER_02
And I learned a lot from that relationship.
6
SPEAKER_02
And I m grateful for that relationship, but I would never go back.
6
SPEAKER_02
I remember sitting on the porch just crying to my daddy about how, like, I made all these bad decisions and bad choices because I didn t have my daddy to guide me.
6
SPEAKER_02
And I need my dad.
6
SPEAKER_02
I need you.
6
SPEAKER_02
And he s like, I will get the place where you don t have to be with them.
6
SPEAKER_02
I will get a place and you can have your own room and you can have your own this.
6
SPEAKER_02
And he never did do that.
6
SPEAKER_02
He never got to that level because he wasn t mentally all where he needed to be.
6
SPEAKER_02
Like, he was, man, that man witnessed a war.
6
SPEAKER_02
and then came here and witnessed a whole bunch of other horrible things that, like, I could only imagine.
6
SPEAKER_02
And then the guilt that he was feeling for, like, abandoning his country, you know, abandoning his daughter, doing that, like, sure, he s feeling super duper guilty.
6
SPEAKER_02
And then he s learning how to grieve, too.
6
SPEAKER_02
His mother died, his daddy died, his brothers are all dead.
6
SPEAKER_02
All he got is aunties and they, you know,
6
SPEAKER_02
If there anything, if they were doing to him anything like what they do to me, and they probably did it to him more, I just, you know, I pray for him.
6
SPEAKER_02
I pray for his soul.
6
SPEAKER_02
I feel like, oh man, he s gotta feel horrible.
6
SPEAKER_02
He probably felt like shit on a daily basis.
6
SPEAKER_02
So...
6
SPEAKER_02
I really, and then the next day I apologized so tough to him for going off on him like that.
6
SPEAKER_02
And I m like, I should have never did that.
6
SPEAKER_02
He s like, no, it s okay.
6
SPEAKER_02
You know, my friends, my friends are always like, well, how s your daughter so nice to you?
6
SPEAKER_02
And you didn t even raise her.
6
SPEAKER_02
I raised my daughters and my daughter is so mean to me and evil to me.
6
SPEAKER_02
And your daughter is nice and kind to you and loves you.
6
SPEAKER_02
Like my daughter, maybe I shouldn t have been there for my daughter.
6
SPEAKER_02
Maybe she would be nice to me because my daughter is mean to me.
6
SPEAKER_02
And then when I was mean to him, he s like telling all his friends, she s falling was mean to me.
6
SPEAKER_02
She cussed me out.
6
SPEAKER_02
She was mean to me.
6
SPEAKER_02
He could fit in with his group of friends or whatever, but he s like, it s okay, you gotta express yourself.
6
SPEAKER_02
You gotta let that out, express yourself.
6
SPEAKER_02
And I m like, no, but it s wrong.
6
SPEAKER_02
Because I really do love you.
6
SPEAKER_02
I really do appreciate you giving me life, even though I hate this life a lot of days.
6
SPEAKER_02
A lot of days I hate even like, man, why couldn t I have just been a tree?
6
SPEAKER_02
Like, I could just stay in one place and watch the world change around me.
6
SPEAKER_02
But then trees get abused too.
6
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, for sure, for sure.
6
SPEAKER_03
There s a great, yeah, I mean trees live through a lot, and they ve seen a lot, and they ve been through a lot.
6
SPEAKER_03
And they live through a lot of abuse.
6
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, for sure.
6
SPEAKER_03
But there s so much in what you re saying that I think resonates so deeply with me.
6
SPEAKER_03
curiosity and context around how our parents became who they were is so huge.
6
SPEAKER_03
Like to actually have context of how your dad became your dad, how your mom became your mom, this isn t a matter of whose fault is it, it s all your fault, it s a counter, it s not that, it s
6
SPEAKER_03
Let s understand people s stories.
6
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, so I don t feel that like... That it s your fault.
6
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, that it s not my fault.
6
SPEAKER_02
It s not your fault.
6
SPEAKER_02
You had these experiences.
6
SPEAKER_02
And I think, I like to imagine that there s a contract that you signed with God before you got here that says, hey, this is the stuff you re going to go through so you can accomplish these things.
6
SPEAKER_02
And maybe their job was just to make me.
6
SPEAKER_02
Maybe their job was to, you know, be in certain people s lives and find this thing and to activate this person for that and activate this person for this.
6
SPEAKER_02
Maybe that was their job.
6
SPEAKER_02
Maybe that s the contract they signed.
6
SPEAKER_02
And I hope my mom has a whole bunch more stuff to do and lives a lot longer.
6
SPEAKER_02
And I hope I do get her into college and she doesn t fight the teachers or anything like that.
6
SPEAKER_02
I hope that it turns out great and she does get her certification in culinary arts and she s able to cook and do whatever it is that she wants to do.
6
SPEAKER_02
Whatever her dream is, I want her to have her dream.
6
SPEAKER_02
And I would love to facilitate it, but also I want to protect the safety of others at the same time and the mental sanity of others.
6
SPEAKER_02
You have to set up a private school.
6
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, maybe I have professors come to teach her, but she wants to go.
6
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, she wants to attend.
6
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I get it.
6
SPEAKER_02
So maybe I set it up like hire some actors and some teachers.
6
SPEAKER_02
You know, like she s at school, you at school, and then maybe they are psychologists.
6
SPEAKER_02
Like, you know, maybe she s a work study.
6
SPEAKER_02
Maybe she s a study.
6
SPEAKER_02
Maybe it s a study program where there s all therapists in the room, but they studying culinary arts and they seeing how someone with this type of damage in their brain operates in this type of environment.
6
SPEAKER_02
You know what?
6
SPEAKER_02
I should make some money off of that.
6
SPEAKER_02
And that could contribute to the generation of wealth I m trying to create for this family.
6
SPEAKER_04
Get emotional with me, Radhi Devlukia, in my new podcast, A Really Good Cry.
6
SPEAKER_04
We re going to talk about and go through all the things that are sometimes difficult to process alone.
6
SPEAKER_04
We re going to go over how to regulate your emotions, diving deep into holistic personal development and just building your mindset to have a happier, healthier life.
6
SPEAKER_04
We re going to be talking with some of my best friends.
6
SPEAKER_00
I didn t know we were going to go there.
6
SPEAKER_04
people that I admire.
6
SPEAKER_04
When we say listen to your body, really tune in to what s going on.
6
SPEAKER_04
Authors of books that have changed my life.
6
SPEAKER_04
Now you re talking about sympathy, which is different than empathy, right?
6
SPEAKER_04
And basically have conversations that can help us get through this crazy thing we call life.
6
SPEAKER_04
I already believe in myself.
6
SPEAKER_04
I already see myself.
6
SPEAKER_04
And so when people give me an opportunity, I m just like,
6
SPEAKER_04
Oh great, you see me too!
6
SPEAKER_04
We ll laugh together, we ll cry together and find a way through all of our emotions.
6
SPEAKER_04
Never forget, it s okay to cry, as long as you make it a really good one.
6
SPEAKER_04
Listen to A Really Good Cry with Radhi Divlukia on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
6
SPEAKER_01
Tune in to the new podcast, Stories from the Village of Nothing Much.
6
SPEAKER_01
Like easy listening, but for fiction.
6
SPEAKER_01
If you ve overdosed on bad news, we invite you into a world where the glimmers of goodness in everyday life are all around you.
6
SPEAKER_01
I m Katherine Nicolai, and you might know me from the Bedtime Story podcast, Nothing Much Happens.
6
SPEAKER_01
I m an architect of cozy, and I invite you to come spend some time where everyone is welcome and kindness is the default.
6
SPEAKER_01
When you tune in, you ll hear stories about bakeries and walks in the woods, a favorite booth at the diner on a blustery autumn day, cats and dogs, unrescued goats and donkeys, old houses, bookshops, beaches where kites fly, and pretty stones are found.
6
SPEAKER_01
I have so many stories to tell you, and they are all designed to help you feel good and feel connected to what is good in the world.
6
SPEAKER_01
Listen, relax, enjoy.
6
SPEAKER_01
Listen to stories from the Village of Nothing Much on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
6
SPEAKER_00
Something that makes me crazy is when people say, well, I had this career before, but it was a waste.
6
SPEAKER_00
And that s where the perspective shift comes.
6
SPEAKER_00
That it s not a waste, that everything you ve done has built you to where you are now.
6
SPEAKER_00
This is She Pivots.
6
SPEAKER_00
the podcast where we explore the inspiring pivots women have made and dig deeper into the personal reasons behind them.
6
SPEAKER_00
Join me, Emily Tish Sussman, every Wednesday on She Pivots, as I sit down with inspiring women like Misty Copeland, Brooke Shields, Vanessa Hudgens, and so many more.
6
SPEAKER_00
We dive into how these women made their pivot and their mindset shifts that happened as a result.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s a podcast about women, their stories, and how their pivot became their success.
6
SPEAKER_00
Listen to She Pivots on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
6
SPEAKER_03
Did you always, you know, honestly, Tiffany, I think when people read this book, they re going to laugh as I m laughing right now, and they re also going to feel
6
SPEAKER_03
I m not just saying this as flattery and I m not just saying it because you re here.
6
SPEAKER_03
I really do mean this.
6
SPEAKER_03
It s very rare to meet someone who s been through as much as you have and hear it in a processed, thoughtful way.
6
SPEAKER_03
Yes, it s hilarious, but it s also processed.
6
SPEAKER_03
What else apart from comedy was your therapy?
6
SPEAKER_03
What else has been part of this healing journey to help process?
6
SPEAKER_03
actual therapy.
6
SPEAKER_03
We re ordered therapy.
6
SPEAKER_02
I was ordered by the courts to go to therapy eventually and that helped a lot.
6
SPEAKER_02
Some therapists were really good and some were horrible.
6
SPEAKER_02
And I felt like I was sitting in a therapist s office just doing stand-up for them because they re giggling and laughing and stuff.
6
SPEAKER_02
And I m like, heal me, heal me.
6
SPEAKER_02
Get the pain away.
6
SPEAKER_02
Give me where I can function.
6
SPEAKER_02
And they would make suggestions and those suggestions
7
SPEAKER_01
actually did make a difference.
7
SPEAKER_01
That one therapist that said, like, get back to doing stand-up as a hobby.
7
SPEAKER_01
Just do it as a hobby.
7
SPEAKER_01
And that turned into a full-blown living.
7
SPEAKER_01
And I appreciate her for saying that.
7
SPEAKER_01
But actual therapy, actually reading books, actually reading different books about, like,
7
SPEAKER_01
Self-care, like self-care stuff.
7
SPEAKER_01
And maybe there d be like, you read this 300 page book and it d be like one thing in it that I could take with me.
7
SPEAKER_01
Man, Louise Hayes, I love me some Louise Hayes.
7
SPEAKER_01
That lady, if she was still alive, I remember when she died, I cried for her.
7
SPEAKER_01
If she was still alive, I kiss her right on her third eye and say, thank you.
7
SPEAKER_00
Kiss her right on her third eye.
7
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, because her mantras, the you can heal your body book, even though I don t know if those mantras really help, I do them anyways, just distract my mind from whatever that s going on.
7
SPEAKER_01
I don t think the one for endometriosis works.
7
SPEAKER_01
I think we gotta rewrite that one.
7
SPEAKER_01
But I mean, just those things, like the self-care, self-care, being self-aware.
7
SPEAKER_01
And it s a process, you know?
7
SPEAKER_01
Look, I ve been drinking since I was 21 years old, on and off.
7
SPEAKER_01
I would go years without drinking, drink, no drink, drink, no drink, whatever.
7
SPEAKER_01
Not really my bag, you know, had my incidents and I m just like, you know what?
7
SPEAKER_01
I ain t gonna be drinking no more.
7
SPEAKER_01
I m cool.
7
SPEAKER_01
And that was five months ago, by the way.
7
SPEAKER_00
Congratulations, yeah.
7
SPEAKER_01
Not six months, but we can roll with six.
7
SPEAKER_01
It ll be six months.
7
SPEAKER_01
It ll be six years.
7
SPEAKER_01
It ll be probably 16 years from now, and I ll have a big old mocktail company.
7
SPEAKER_01
I found this non-alcoholic Rosetta.
7
SPEAKER_01
It s bomb.
7
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
7
SPEAKER_00
What is it?
7
SPEAKER_01
It s bomb.
7
SPEAKER_01
I can t even tell you the name because they need to pay me.
7
SPEAKER_01
I don t spend so much money on the non-alcoholic, because when I would go to parties, I always bring whatever I like to drink to the party.
7
SPEAKER_01
I just went to MGK s party, his birthday party, and I brought the non-alcoholic rose.
7
SPEAKER_01
People were like, oh, you drinking?
7
SPEAKER_01
What is that?
7
SPEAKER_01
What you drinking?
7
SPEAKER_01
I m like, non-alcoholic rose.
7
SPEAKER_01
You want to try some?
7
SPEAKER_01
They re like, oh, this is good.
7
SPEAKER_01
I was like, yep, and my body s not going to hurt tomorrow.
7
SPEAKER_00
Yours will.
7
SPEAKER_00
It was so good.
7
SPEAKER_00
Oh, my God.
7
SPEAKER_00
Well, drop the name here.
7
SPEAKER_00
They re going to come find you.
7
SPEAKER_01
I don t know, I don t know.
7
SPEAKER_01
I feel like they won t.
7
SPEAKER_01
I feel like they won t.
7
SPEAKER_01
They won t?
7
SPEAKER_01
I feel like they gotta come find me.
7
SPEAKER_01
They know, they in Whole Foods.
7
SPEAKER_00
Okay, they in Whole Foods, alright.
7
SPEAKER_00
You re dropping the little clues, the little breadcrumbs.
7
SPEAKER_01
They in Whole Foods and it s a rosé.
7
SPEAKER_01
And it s the animal on the cup.
7
SPEAKER_00
I love it.
7
SPEAKER_00
All the hints are dropped.
7
SPEAKER_01
All the hints are dropped.
7
SPEAKER_01
I also like this non-alcoholic vodka, too.
7
SPEAKER_01
I just imagine that it s rubbing alcohol, though.
7
SPEAKER_01
That s what it kind of tastes like, but it doesn t get you.
7
SPEAKER_01
It tastes like what?
7
SPEAKER_01
Rubbing alcohol.
7
SPEAKER_01
It tastes like alcohol.
7
SPEAKER_01
It s alcohol.
7
SPEAKER_00
It is alcohol.
7
SPEAKER_00
It s not alcohol.
7
SPEAKER_01
It s non-alcoholic.
7
SPEAKER_01
But that s good though, no?
7
SPEAKER_00
It tastes exactly how you want it to taste.
7
SPEAKER_00
Blech.
7
SPEAKER_00
Oh, you don t like it?
7
SPEAKER_00
Okay, alright.
7
SPEAKER_01
I never, look, I never really liked the taste of vodka, but, you know, you put a little flavor, a little sugar in it, like drop a Jolly Rancher in there, you know what I m saying?
7
SPEAKER_01
Or put some lemons, make it alkaline.
7
SPEAKER_01
That s what I would tell myself.
7
SPEAKER_00
Got it.
7
SPEAKER_01
But it takes the pain away.
7
SPEAKER_01
It would take the pain away from me.
7
SPEAKER_00
And now you don t use that to take the pain away.
7
SPEAKER_01
So you just sit in the pain, which he got processed.
7
SPEAKER_00
With your father, I felt like ultimately his guilt and shame kind of
7
SPEAKER_00
made you feel like you lost him again because that was so heavy for him that he kind of distanced himself, right?
7
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, he distanced himself from me.
7
SPEAKER_01
I think he knew he was sick and that he didn t want me to see him like that.
7
SPEAKER_01
And he didn t want to have to depend on me because he knew I would take care of him.
7
SPEAKER_00
And he never wanted money.
7
SPEAKER_00
You talk about how he didn t want money from you, he didn t want to be a part of your fame.
7
SPEAKER_00
It wasn t that.
7
SPEAKER_01
No, and I would still like highly pay the light bills, send groceries to his house and say, he d be like, don t do that.
7
SPEAKER_01
He wanted to take care of me, but he wasn t capable of taking care of me.
7
SPEAKER_01
He was sick and I think he didn t want me to know that or have anything to do.
7
SPEAKER_01
I think he felt like this was his punishment or whatever for whatever.
7
SPEAKER_01
But he left a whole memorandum, what I need to do, how I need to do it, and I did it all.
7
SPEAKER_01
I m obedient when it come to my parents, at least I try to be.
7
SPEAKER_01
I definitely am obedient.
7
SPEAKER_00
Did you end up organizing the funeral and attending?
7
SPEAKER_01
He didn t want no funeral.
7
SPEAKER_01
Oh wow, okay.
7
SPEAKER_01
He didn t want me spending any money on him, because he felt like he didn t spend nothing on me.
7
SPEAKER_01
But he did want to be buried with his mother.
7
SPEAKER_01
So I, and it s against the tradition to cremate.
7
SPEAKER_01
He did not like, he s like, they re going to be mad at you, but you know, I don t want you spending all that money to take me back.
7
SPEAKER_01
Like go ahead and cremate me, take me and put me with my mom.
7
SPEAKER_01
And I told him, well, if I cremate you, I m going to put half of you with your mama and half of you in my garden because you never really fed me anyway.
7
SPEAKER_01
So you have to grow me some food.
7
SPEAKER_01
And I did that and then I just read this thing like last year that if you have a cemetery in your backyard, you re property tax-free.
7
SPEAKER_01
If you got family members like buried in your backyard, I was like, hmm, I wonder if ashes count.
7
SPEAKER_01
I mean, this property tax is killing me.
7
SPEAKER_00
How do you come across all this interesting information?
7
SPEAKER_01
I m always digging for information, especially when it comes to my money and my health.
7
SPEAKER_01
So yeah, I was just looking for tax breaks.
7
SPEAKER_01
Also, I saw that Trump buried his peoples on a golf course, and now they don t have to pay no tax over there.
7
SPEAKER_00
I think I did see that, yeah.
7
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, so I was like, oh, what can I do here in South Central LA?
7
SPEAKER_01
And I m like, hey, my daddy s over here near the collard greens.
7
SPEAKER_01
He brought the chili peppers and the mints.
7
SPEAKER_00
Let us know if that goes through.
7
SPEAKER_00
Let us know if you figure it out.
7
SPEAKER_01
They told me no.
7
SPEAKER_01
You re already honest.
7
SPEAKER_01
I already went to the city and tried it.
7
SPEAKER_01
I was like, look, my father s in the backyard.
7
SPEAKER_01
They was like, no, you need to exhume the body.
7
SPEAKER_01
I was like, well, it s ashes.
7
SPEAKER_01
I can t really, I m sure the plants done ate him up two years ago.
7
SPEAKER_01
That was back in 2017, you know, so I m pretty sure he s gone, gone, gone, but.
7
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, you were talking about taking care of your money and your health.
7
SPEAKER_00
You were saying
7
SPEAKER_00
There was one point in time where you had like a billboard up for your show, but then you still had like a, you know, like a...
7
SPEAKER_00
Obamaphone, I think you called it.
7
SPEAKER_00
You ve always tried to figure that out.
7
SPEAKER_00
Even now, at one point you lived homeless when you were growing up in your teens and living in a car, but now you still live in the area you grew up in.
7
SPEAKER_00
And that s to inspire others to see what s possible and see that you can still move, because usually people make it and then they leave.
7
SPEAKER_00
But you really felt that that was important.
7
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I felt it s important to stay.
7
SPEAKER_01
That s how I like it over there.
7
SPEAKER_01
I feel safe over there.
7
SPEAKER_01
And I want to be where I m wanted.
7
SPEAKER_01
You know, I don t want to be where I m tolerated.
7
SPEAKER_01
I want to be where I m wanted.
7
SPEAKER_01
So it s staying in the hood.
7
SPEAKER_01
I just feel like I m a great example to these other kids.
7
SPEAKER_01
Like, look, Tiffany couldn t read that good.
7
SPEAKER_01
Tiffany couldn t read at all for a minute.
7
SPEAKER_01
Tiffany couldn t this.
7
SPEAKER_01
Tiffany couldn t that.
7
SPEAKER_01
And look where she at.
7
SPEAKER_01
She on the billboard right on the corner from the house.
7
SPEAKER_01
She on that house right there and like three other houses on this street.
7
SPEAKER_01
She also doing this, doing that.
7
SPEAKER_01
Like she doing stuff in a community.
7
SPEAKER_01
Like I m a firm believer of like, oh, if my community is like messed up,
7
SPEAKER_01
I don t have to leave my community.
7
SPEAKER_01
I can stay right here and I can make it better.
7
SPEAKER_01
Now, if I was like, if I was the gang member, maybe it d be more difficult, but maybe I could be influencing the other people in the gang to like, okay, we re going to do this now.
7
SPEAKER_01
This is what the gang s going to do now.
7
SPEAKER_01
This is what we re doing now.
7
SPEAKER_01
Now you the manager, you the security, you the this, like you got to buy a house now.
7
SPEAKER_01
You have to buy a house now.
7
SPEAKER_01
It s funny when somebody buys a house, how their like perspective changes on what type of activities they participate in.
7
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, that s what I ve noticed anyways from my hood friends, people in the community.
7
SPEAKER_01
They was all about fighting, all about this, all about that.
7
SPEAKER_01
But as soon as they bought a house, they like, oh no, I can t be doing all that.
7
SPEAKER_01
I got to cut my grass.
7
SPEAKER_01
I got to do this.
7
SPEAKER_01
I got to do this.
7
SPEAKER_01
I need to make my mortgage.
7
SPEAKER_01
I need to do this.
7
SPEAKER_01
I got to go to work.
7
SPEAKER_01
I got to do this.
7
SPEAKER_01
It kind of changes the activity that you participate in.
7
SPEAKER_01
Like, you might still be a thug and still be a gangster, but I gotta go get my money.
7
SPEAKER_01
I don t have time to be fighting you.
7
SPEAKER_01
I don t have time to be, like, potentially killing you and losing my house, even though the house could help me post bail.
7
SPEAKER_01
Like, I just... I also never... I always be telling them, like, I can t imagine you saying, this my block, this my block, but you on Section 8.
7
SPEAKER_01
You don t own nothing on this block.
7
SPEAKER_01
Like, you own nothing on this block, but this is your block?
7
SPEAKER_01
No, this block belongs to the Herreras, the Zazenskis, the Go- Like, this block belongs to everybody that owns land over here.
7
SPEAKER_01
You don t own nothing.
7
SPEAKER_01
You actually paying $12 a month in rent and selling dope.
7
SPEAKER_01
Like, you a rental storefront.
7
SPEAKER_01
Like, you re not, you don t own nothing over here.
7
SPEAKER_01
Who in your crew owns something?
7
SPEAKER_01
Like, to me, that s more like, okay, this our block.
7
SPEAKER_01
Like, do your granny pass
8
SPEAKER_01
Your granny don t even, you sold, like y all sold it and still rent, like, you don t, nobody owns anything on this block.
8
SPEAKER_01
But you saying it s your block.
8
SPEAKER_01
It ain t your block, bruh.
8
SPEAKER_01
You can t even inherit anything over here.
8
SPEAKER_01
So you look like an idiot, you protecting all their stuff, and you re not even really protecting it.
8
SPEAKER_01
You re running it into the ground.
8
SPEAKER_01
Like, how you expect anybody to really respect you?
8
SPEAKER_01
You don t even own anything.
8
SPEAKER_01
Like, what, you own this old-ass Oldsmobile with them rims?
8
SPEAKER_01
You own the rims?
8
SPEAKER_01
No, you renting those rims.
8
SPEAKER_01
You don t even own the rims.
8
SPEAKER_01
Like, yeah, life is temporary, but you got four kids.
8
SPEAKER_01
They need to have something to inherit.
8
SPEAKER_01
What are they gonna inherit from you?
8
SPEAKER_01
Those rims?
8
SPEAKER_01
You could do better, bruh.
8
SPEAKER_00
Do better.
8
SPEAKER_00
Do you see people, do you feel that you see things changing and people changing and that, even if it s slow and patient?
8
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it s slow, slowly changing, but also the demographic is changing too.
8
SPEAKER_01
So like, but they thought they was going to be in that Section 8 for, I don t know how long they thought they was going to be in it.
8
SPEAKER_01
Now the landlord s like, oh no, I don t no longer want it to be Section 8, so you have to pay the
8
SPEAKER_01
$4,000 a month for rent, or you gonna have to move.
8
SPEAKER_01
And now they in section A out in Lancaster, Palmdale, Hemet, so now I barely even see them anymore, if at all.
8
SPEAKER_01
And they like, hey, I bought the house.
8
SPEAKER_01
I bought, like people buying they stuff.
8
SPEAKER_01
I had to go way out of LA to buy it, but I own something now.
8
SPEAKER_01
This is going better for me, this is going better for me.
8
SPEAKER_01
So I see changes in the people that I grew up with, and I m really happy for them.
8
SPEAKER_01
Really happy for them.
8
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I mean, it s incredible that you ve been able to, you know, make home in the community and you talk about it as your community.
8
SPEAKER_00
It s a place where you feel safe.
8
SPEAKER_00
You feel comfortable.
8
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
8
SPEAKER_01
And then we d be looking out for each other and an Asian lady across the street be like, I saw the man in the car with the camera.
8
SPEAKER_01
I called the police.
8
SPEAKER_01
Thank you.
8
SPEAKER_01
The dude next door, he s a retired police officer.
8
SPEAKER_01
He d be shooing people off and stuff.
8
SPEAKER_01
That s amazing.
8
SPEAKER_01
Like, you should be behind the gate.
8
SPEAKER_01
You should be behind the gate.
8
SPEAKER_01
And I m like, but behind this door is guns.
8
SPEAKER_01
Like, they don t want no one to smoke.
8
SPEAKER_01
Like, don t come up in here.
8
SPEAKER_01
And I might make you clean my room up, so.
8
SPEAKER_00
It s amazing.
8
SPEAKER_01
Good luck finding anything of any value in there.
8
SPEAKER_00
It s amazing.
8
SPEAKER_00
Tiffany, you ve had such a, you know, genuinely, we ve been talking about your personal life so much, you ve had such an amazing
8
SPEAKER_00
professional journey as well when you re talking about your imagination and even your solutions for, wanting a basketball player to hold you and make you feel like a baby or you know just the way your imagination works to solve things like,
8
SPEAKER_00
What is your imagination saying about creative, artistic, expressive projects?
8
SPEAKER_00
Not what s next, because I don t find that question interesting, but in the sense of where do you let your imagination run free and how do you allow it to do that so that you can explore this amazing world you have inside your head?
8
SPEAKER_01
Yes, Tiffany land.
8
SPEAKER_01
I wish I wish could be an amusement park.
8
SPEAKER_00
Black Unicorn Island.
8
SPEAKER_00
Black Unicorn Island.
8
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
8
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
8
SPEAKER_01
That s the next book.
8
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
8
SPEAKER_01
So well, it s been running.
8
SPEAKER_01
So like with music, I love creating music.
8
SPEAKER_01
Like I said, I like singing to the bees.
8
SPEAKER_01
I like singing.
8
SPEAKER_01
I ve been preparing, like I got a band and so I ve always been kind of in love with like the forties, the thirties, the twenties, you know, that,
8
SPEAKER_01
jazzy era, the 50s, and singing in like a supper club and doing that.
8
SPEAKER_01
So I just performed at Vibrato last month, and it was like super dope.
8
SPEAKER_01
It was so much fun.
8
SPEAKER_01
No, that was this month, actually.
8
SPEAKER_01
It was super fun, and I had this classic dress on and singing these songs.
8
SPEAKER_01
Now, I am not the best singer, but you know what?
8
SPEAKER_01
If Bob Dylan can make a career out of it,
8
SPEAKER_01
I could too.
8
SPEAKER_01
That s how I feel about it.
8
SPEAKER_01
It s not about how well you sing, it s about how entertaining you are.
8
SPEAKER_01
How do you make them feel?
8
SPEAKER_01
It s all about how you... That s what entertainment is.
8
SPEAKER_01
It s like, well, you contain these people and you make them feel a certain type of way.
8
SPEAKER_01
And is it a feeling that they want to walk away and say, hey, I want other people to feel that too.
8
SPEAKER_01
That was kind of great.
8
SPEAKER_01
That was amazing.
8
SPEAKER_01
Or that was an experience, right?
8
SPEAKER_01
So I m very about that.
8
SPEAKER_01
So I m singing old songs from the 30s and the 20s and 40s and 50s.
8
SPEAKER_01
And then some of my original songs that I ve made.
8
SPEAKER_01
And I ve been working with Diane Warren, writing some really dope songs to empower women, empower people anyways.
8
SPEAKER_01
And then a really cool breakup song is my favorite.
8
SPEAKER_01
I want you, but I want you gone.
8
SPEAKER_01
I need you, but I need you out of my life.
8
SPEAKER_01
I love it.
8
SPEAKER_01
And then like all the movies I want to make, right?
8
SPEAKER_01
So like somebody that s just like, you said you want to make 80 movies by the time you re 50.
8
SPEAKER_01
You got a long way to go.
8
SPEAKER_01
And I m like, I didn t say I want to be in all those movies.
8
SPEAKER_01
I want to create an opportunity for other people to tell their stories.
8
SPEAKER_01
And I m just producing on it.
8
SPEAKER_01
I m being a part of the creation process.
8
SPEAKER_01
Like we still haven t shot the Flo Jo movie.
8
SPEAKER_01
Got to get that script right.
8
SPEAKER_01
Like, and I could just imagine how dope that s going to be.
8
SPEAKER_01
The nails, the hair, me running off fast, my body like.
8
SPEAKER_01
You know, and hey, if I m too old, okay, I m too old, give someone else the opportunity.
8
SPEAKER_01
Or AI is coming in real good.
8
SPEAKER_01
But tell that love story between her and her husband.
8
SPEAKER_01
And then, I want to do, I want to see the Etta James story.
8
SPEAKER_01
I want to see that.
8
SPEAKER_01
Like, because she grew up in foster care like me.
8
SPEAKER_01
She d been through the ringer and had to perform as a kid and all the different homes she was in.
8
SPEAKER_01
Like, I want to see that story.
8
SPEAKER_01
Also, I want to do some kind of, like, a documentary or something about, like, all these successful women.
8
SPEAKER_01
I have never met one successful woman that has not been through shit.
8
SPEAKER_01
Like, any woman that I have ever met or heard of that s successful has, like, been beat up in some kind of way, physically, emotionally, mentally, something.
8
SPEAKER_01
Been beat up some kind of way and bounced back and, like, stood strong, 10 toes down, I m gonna make this happen, and it happens, right?
8
SPEAKER_01
And I want to do something about that, because I think right now, too, like, there s so many young girls that, like, that I ve talked to that seem to feel hopeless.
8
SPEAKER_01
feel like, you know, what s the point?
8
SPEAKER_01
Like, no, like nobody cares about me.
8
SPEAKER_01
And it s like, there are people that care about you.
8
SPEAKER_01
You just can t see them right now.
8
SPEAKER_01
You haven t met them yet.
8
SPEAKER_01
Or you have met them and you just don t know how to identify what care is.
8
SPEAKER_01
So something about that.
8
SPEAKER_01
I wanna do Who Framed Roger Rabbit 2.
8
SPEAKER_01
I feel like, oh, that would be so good.
8
SPEAKER_01
And I want to be the detective and Jessica Rabbit.
8
SPEAKER_01
Maybe I ll be Rebecca Rabbit, Jessica s sister who marries Roger s brother.
8
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
8
SPEAKER_01
But I want to see that.
8
SPEAKER_01
Because that was a really good movie that was based off of some true stuff that happened in Los Angeles.
8
SPEAKER_01
That s why we have freeways now.
8
SPEAKER_01
Because of that judge that was in that movie, that s a real judge.
8
SPEAKER_01
So I would love to do something with that.
8
SPEAKER_01
I have so many ideas.
8
SPEAKER_01
Animation.
8
SPEAKER_01
I want to open this grocery store.
8
SPEAKER_01
I can see it in my mind s eye.
8
SPEAKER_01
It s like I m shopping at it every day.
8
SPEAKER_01
I know that s going to happen.
8
SPEAKER_01
And create some really awesome human beings.
8
SPEAKER_00
I love how there s no limits to creativity.
8
SPEAKER_00
There is no limits.
8
SPEAKER_00
And I think we, I think we re now living in a time in the world where people can be multi-hyphenates.
8
SPEAKER_00
And what you just said, it s, I think a lot of the time we ve been like, oh, you have to be talented.
8
SPEAKER_00
You have to be this.
8
SPEAKER_00
And what we realize it s who can make people feel something in any sort of way.
8
SPEAKER_00
And we ve resonated with that.
8
SPEAKER_00
We all connect with it.
8
SPEAKER_00
And I think if anyone who s listening and watching and wants to do something and thinks, oh, I wish I started 10 years ago.
8
SPEAKER_00
I wish I started when I was younger.
8
SPEAKER_00
Oh, I didn t get that.
8
SPEAKER_00
You know, I didn t have parents who were supporting it.
8
SPEAKER_00
It s almost like, it doesn t matter.
8
SPEAKER_00
It doesn t matter.
8
SPEAKER_01
The KFC dude started at what, 65, 70 years old?
8
SPEAKER_01
He was old.
8
SPEAKER_01
And that thing is all over the world.
8
SPEAKER_01
KFC s all over the world.
8
SPEAKER_01
Kentucky Fried Chicken, every single country.
8
SPEAKER_00
Like it s- And they had enough competition too, like McDonald s and Wendy s and whatever else.
8
SPEAKER_01
Wendy s competition is all over the world.
8
SPEAKER_01
Now he might not live long enough to see it be all over the world, but hey, he started something.
8
SPEAKER_01
He s a visionary.
8
SPEAKER_01
And I feel like that s what I am at the end of the day.
8
SPEAKER_01
I m a visionary and I m an administrator of joy.
8
SPEAKER_01
That s all I am, and some people hate that.
8
SPEAKER_01
And that s okay, that s because you don t know how to process joy.
8
SPEAKER_01
You got a lot of hurt in your heart.
8
SPEAKER_01
You got a lot of hurt, and you need to figure out how to process that.
8
SPEAKER_01
And if you want to learn, I m down to show you a little bit.
8
SPEAKER_01
I m still processing my hurt, but if you read this book, it might help you some.
8
SPEAKER_01
It might help you some, and maybe your breath won t stink so bad.
8
SPEAKER_01
I think people with a lot of hate in their heart got bad breath.
8
SPEAKER_00
Oh, that s an interesting hypothesis.
8
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
8
SPEAKER_00
That s, that s interesting.
8
SPEAKER_00
I m going to start testing that out.
8
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I don t, it s funny, like people that talk really poorly and negative about other people, they breath usually stay.
8
SPEAKER_00
That s fascinating.
8
SPEAKER_01
If you think about it, I mean, do you ever sit around people that just talk negative all the time?
8
SPEAKER_00
I don t usually.
8
SPEAKER_01
You don t, but like you could be at a party or something and they just be like, did you know the bitch did this?
8
SPEAKER_01
And you be like, breath is horrible.
8
SPEAKER_01
They are dying on the inside.
8
SPEAKER_01
Or you ever been in a car with somebody and they don t stop talking and the whole car smell like they breath.
8
SPEAKER_01
It s just atrocious.
8
SPEAKER_01
And then everything, you start to realize everything they saying is negative.
8
SPEAKER_01
It s not even anything positive.
8
SPEAKER_01
It s a lot of hate in their heart.
9
SPEAKER_00
Or they need a dentist.
9
SPEAKER_00
Because that tooth is dead.
9
SPEAKER_00
That tooth is hating the rest of their body.
9
SPEAKER_00
And they could end up having a heart attack from that.
9
SPEAKER_00
Did you know most heart attacks come from bad teeth?
9
SPEAKER_01
I did not.
9
SPEAKER_01
That s not.
9
SPEAKER_01
Is that true?
9
SPEAKER_01
No, that s not true.
9
SPEAKER_01
I think so.
9
SPEAKER_00
That s why I think so.
9
SPEAKER_01
You should start believing all your research.
9
SPEAKER_01
If you start making claims to it.
9
SPEAKER_00
I mean, the dentist association loves me for this.
9
SPEAKER_00
But just think about this.
9
SPEAKER_00
Just think about this.
9
SPEAKER_00
Think about this.
9
SPEAKER_00
Every person that you know that s had a heart attack.
9
SPEAKER_00
Okay?
9
SPEAKER_00
Was the teeth nice?
9
SPEAKER_01
I ll have to look into it, I ll have to look into it.
9
SPEAKER_00
Think about it.
9
SPEAKER_00
Bad teeth, bad heart.
9
SPEAKER_01
Tiffany, tell me what little Tiffany, if little T looked at you now, what would you be proud of?
9
SPEAKER_00
Little T would be proud that we own so many homes.
9
SPEAKER_00
Little T would be proud that we housing so many foster kids.
9
SPEAKER_00
Little T would be proud that we lived out our dreams of being like on Arsenio Hall show.
9
SPEAKER_00
And although we didn t get pregnant by Arsenio or anything, still happy that that s a friend that we could call on for advice.
9
SPEAKER_00
Little T would be really happy.
9
SPEAKER_00
Oh, Little T would be so happy about
9
SPEAKER_00
The car that we have now, even though it s so hooptie right now, because somebody hit my other car.
9
SPEAKER_00
Little T is happy that I got that car because it s like a transformer when the hood goes down, even though it s old and raggedy.
9
SPEAKER_00
She loves that car.
9
SPEAKER_00
Little T would be super happy about the fact that we have enough money that we never have to be hungry again.
9
SPEAKER_00
Never hungry and never homeless again.
9
SPEAKER_00
Never, no matter what, little T would be happy that we made enough friends that if something was to happen, it would be okay.
9
SPEAKER_00
It would be okay that we wouldn t, we might not have our own home, but we would have a place to stay.
9
SPEAKER_00
Little T would be very proud that we didn t go to prison.
9
SPEAKER_00
But Little T is confident that if we went to prison, we would be, like, doing just fine in there.
9
SPEAKER_00
Because we was definitely thinking of ways that could have ended us up in prison.
9
SPEAKER_00
Thinking of some really crazy stuff.
9
SPEAKER_00
And, um...
9
SPEAKER_00
And she would be proud that, like, that we can give jobs, that, like, I m capable of creating jobs, and that every time I say yes to a job, that s 200 or 300 people that get to work immediately, and thousands that get to work once it comes out, you know?
9
SPEAKER_00
And little T would be, like, even, she would be disappointed that, you know, we got a DUI, but even more proud that if you Google Black women with a DUI, only I pop up.
9
SPEAKER_00
and Glorilla.
9
SPEAKER_01
And Josephine Baker.
9
SPEAKER_00
At first, before Glorilla got hers, it was just me and Josephine Baker.
9
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
9
SPEAKER_00
Google famous black women with a DUI, see what come up.
9
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
9
SPEAKER_01
What would Lil T look at you now and feel like?
9
SPEAKER_00
She d be like, you are international.
9
SPEAKER_00
We international.
9
SPEAKER_00
They talked about it on the Korean news and the news in Africa.
9
SPEAKER_00
It s international.
9
SPEAKER_00
You re world famous.
9
SPEAKER_00
She d be so proud.
9
SPEAKER_01
What would she wish that you did?
9
SPEAKER_01
What would she wish if there was anything that she was like, I wish we could get back to that.
9
SPEAKER_01
I wish we could do more of that.
9
SPEAKER_01
I wish there was,
9
SPEAKER_01
I wish we still did that.
9
SPEAKER_00
Gymnastics.
9
SPEAKER_00
Cool.
9
SPEAKER_00
And a rhythmic dance.
9
SPEAKER_00
I think she wishes that I will, I know she does wish we could have went to the Olympics and been a rhythmic dancer and stuck to that.
9
SPEAKER_01
Still possible.
9
SPEAKER_00
She s disappointed in me that my splits are not all the way to the ground anymore.
9
SPEAKER_00
They used to be?
9
SPEAKER_00
They used to be to the ground, used to be coochie to the floor.
9
SPEAKER_00
Not no more.
9
SPEAKER_00
Not no more.
9
SPEAKER_00
She s very disappointed in me.
9
SPEAKER_01
Still possible though.
9
SPEAKER_00
It s possible, it s possible.
9
SPEAKER_00
With proper training and discipline.
9
SPEAKER_00
This can be done.
9
SPEAKER_00
But she is disappointed also that we didn t become hula dancers.
9
SPEAKER_00
We re supposed to be a hula dancer.
9
SPEAKER_00
She s disappointed in that too.
9
SPEAKER_00
But other than that, I mean, that s possible.
9
SPEAKER_00
I took a few classes.
9
SPEAKER_00
I know how to work them hips.
9
SPEAKER_00
I m just not a professional hula dancer.
9
SPEAKER_00
We could create a movie where I end up being a hula dancer.
9
SPEAKER_00
Everything is possible.
9
SPEAKER_00
Also, she s a little disappointed that we not working in a snicker factory or know how to make pantyhose from scratch.
9
SPEAKER_00
I m supposed to know how to make pantyhose by now, but I don t.
9
SPEAKER_00
But I could sew some, but I don t know how to weave them.
9
SPEAKER_00
and fix a run.
9
SPEAKER_00
I m supposed to know how to fix a run in a stocking.
9
SPEAKER_00
I know how to put the nail polish on there and stop the run.
9
SPEAKER_00
Hit it with the hairspray, stop the run.
9
SPEAKER_00
But I m supposed to know how to weave nylon and stop it.
9
SPEAKER_00
That s what I m supposed to know how to do.
9
SPEAKER_00
It s not too late to learn.
9
SPEAKER_00
I keep telling Lil T, it ain t too late.
9
SPEAKER_00
We never know.
9
SPEAKER_00
But she is proud that I did make my own beef jerky, even though we supposed to work in a beef jerky factory.
9
SPEAKER_00
But I know how to make beef jerky.
9
SPEAKER_00
So she s proud of that.
9
SPEAKER_00
We got a food dehydrator.
9
SPEAKER_00
And I talk about Wee as in me and Lil T. She s still alive.
9
SPEAKER_00
Of course.
9
SPEAKER_00
And she still be talking mess.
9
SPEAKER_01
I love it.
9
SPEAKER_01
Tiffany, you are sick.
9
SPEAKER_00
Who s up on the, uh, did you Google it?
9
SPEAKER_00
It is only you.
9
SPEAKER_00
You are the only person that comes up.
9
SPEAKER_01
Legendary.
9
SPEAKER_01
Did you hear that?
9
SPEAKER_01
We just checked it.
9
SPEAKER_01
Verified.
9
SPEAKER_00
I m just saying that some people be like, that s you.
9
SPEAKER_00
You should be ashamed of that.
9
SPEAKER_00
But I know a lot of other famous black women who have DUIs, but nobody knows because nobody cares.
9
SPEAKER_00
They care about me.
9
SPEAKER_00
That s how I look at it.
9
SPEAKER_00
Now that might be a horrible thing.
9
SPEAKER_00
It might be horrible for me to think that way, but I did my community service, and I m helping out in all these different places, and I ve made new friends because of it, and I might be going on dinner dates with this police now because of it.
9
SPEAKER_00
Everything happens for a reason.
9
SPEAKER_00
Everything happens for a reason.
9
SPEAKER_00
If I get married in Beverly Hills, you know why.
9
SPEAKER_00
Everything happens for a reason.
9
SPEAKER_00
But that allowed me to know that, like, Lil T is like, yo, it s a lot of people that care about us.
9
SPEAKER_00
Because if didn t nobody care about you, nobody would write about it.
9
SPEAKER_00
They wouldn t make videos about it.
9
SPEAKER_00
They wouldn t be like, oh gosh, she s having a breakdown, whatever.
9
SPEAKER_00
Like, they wouldn t be talking about it.
9
SPEAKER_00
I m like, I m white girl famous.
9
SPEAKER_00
They talking about it in Africa, all over Africa.
9
SPEAKER_00
They talking about it in Asia.
9
SPEAKER_00
I didn t even know I was popping like that in Asia, like in Korean news.
9
SPEAKER_00
These studios can now not say she s not international.
9
SPEAKER_00
You can t say that.
9
SPEAKER_00
This is the proof.
9
SPEAKER_00
This is the proof.
9
SPEAKER_00
International, BBC talked about it.
9
SPEAKER_00
CNN.
9
SPEAKER_00
A DUI.
9
SPEAKER_00
And I blew a .03, I was sleek.
9
SPEAKER_00
Pulled over.
9
SPEAKER_00
Now, maybe I was parked wrong.
9
SPEAKER_00
It should have been a bad parking ticket.
9
SPEAKER_00
That s what it should have been.
9
SPEAKER_00
But you know what?
9
SPEAKER_00
It is what it is.
9
SPEAKER_00
Some things need to happen for... Can t no studio say she s not international.
9
SPEAKER_00
That proves it right there.
9
SPEAKER_00
Right there.
9
SPEAKER_00
It might not be the best way to prove it, but God damn it, that proves it.
9
SPEAKER_00
People care.
9
SPEAKER_01
Tiffany, you are a treat and a joy to spend time with.
9
SPEAKER_01
I don t think I ve ever laughed this much on the show.
9
SPEAKER_00
He wasn t even laughing, he was just giggling.
9
SPEAKER_01
I was laughing, I was laughing.
9
SPEAKER_01
Honestly, I m so, so happy that you put this book together.
9
SPEAKER_01
I m so grateful that I got to hang out with you and do this with you.
9
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
9
SPEAKER_01
We ve been talking for nearly two hours and it s flown by.
9
SPEAKER_01
We end every episode of On Purpose with a fast five, a final five.
9
SPEAKER_01
Every question has to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum.
9
SPEAKER_00
Okay, good luck.
9
SPEAKER_01
Tiffany Haddish, these are your final five.
9
SPEAKER_01
No, these are rules, Tiffany.
9
SPEAKER_00
Okay, these are rules.
9
SPEAKER_00
We have to follow rules.
9
SPEAKER_00
You hear that, Lil T?
9
SPEAKER_00
You hear that?
9
SPEAKER_00
You hear that?
9
SPEAKER_01
So, question one.
9
SPEAKER_01
Tiffany, what is the best advice you ve ever heard or received?
9
SPEAKER_00
Don t let nobody in your house that don t have nothing to lose.
9
SPEAKER_01
I like that.
9
SPEAKER_01
I would never have that.
9
SPEAKER_01
I love that.
9
SPEAKER_01
Question number two, what is the worst advice you ve ever heard or received?
9
SPEAKER_00
I m just thinking of stupid stuff.
9
SPEAKER_00
Stupid stuff I ve heard men say to me that I know is not true.
9
SPEAKER_00
No, because that s a statement.
9
SPEAKER_00
That s not necessarily advice.
9
SPEAKER_01
That makes sense, though.
9
SPEAKER_01
Go on, say it.
9
SPEAKER_01
If it s coming to your mind, I want to hear it.
9
SPEAKER_01
The look on your face means we have to hear it.
9
SPEAKER_00
Girl, I ain t got to put no condom on.
9
SPEAKER_00
You know I love you.
9
SPEAKER_00
That do not mean a man love you.
9
SPEAKER_00
It do not mean he love you.
9
SPEAKER_01
That s brilliant.
9
SPEAKER_00
That is not love.
9
SPEAKER_01
That s brilliant.
9
SPEAKER_00
That is not love.
9
SPEAKER_00
Every woman out there, just because he don t want to put a condom on, does not mean he love you.
9
SPEAKER_00
He is just trying to get wet.
9
SPEAKER_00
Spit on it.
9
SPEAKER_01
I m glad you shared that.
9
SPEAKER_00
Sorry.
9
SPEAKER_01
I m glad you shared it.
9
SPEAKER_00
That s the worst.
9
SPEAKER_01
It s the honest truth.
9
SPEAKER_01
Question number three.
9
SPEAKER_01
What is your most repeated thought on a daily basis?
9
SPEAKER_00
Clean your room, clean your room, clean your room, clean your room.
9
SPEAKER_00
I gotta clean my room.
9
SPEAKER_00
I m gonna make some time to clean this room.
9
SPEAKER_00
I love that, that s good.
9
SPEAKER_00
Okay, you can t keep working on that one project, clean the room.
10
SPEAKER_00
That s great.
10
SPEAKER_00
Question number four, what s something that you used to value that you don t value anymore?
10
SPEAKER_01
Something that I used to value that I don t value anymore.
10
SPEAKER_01
Saving checks.
10
SPEAKER_01
I used to save checks.
10
SPEAKER_01
Checks that people would write me, I put them in a photo album.
10
SPEAKER_01
I don t do that no more.
10
SPEAKER_00
Because?
10
SPEAKER_00
Too many checks.
10
SPEAKER_01
There s direct deposit.
10
SPEAKER_01
But if someone hands me a check today, I will take a picture of it.
10
SPEAKER_01
But I don t put it in a photo album anymore.
10
SPEAKER_01
It s in a folder, though, in my phone.
10
SPEAKER_01
That s beautiful.
10
SPEAKER_01
Because I thought it was so awesome when somebody would handwrite me a check, they sign it, even if it was a company, they mailed it to me, and it s money.
10
SPEAKER_01
And then when you could take a picture of it and deposit, I have two photo albums full of checks.
10
SPEAKER_00
I love that.
10
SPEAKER_00
Fifth and final question, Tiffany.
10
SPEAKER_00
We ask this to every guest who s ever been on the show.
10
SPEAKER_00
If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?
10
SPEAKER_01
Well, you have to hug someone every day.
10
SPEAKER_00
Oh, I love that one.
10
SPEAKER_00
I love a hug.
10
SPEAKER_01
A hug, a hug.
10
SPEAKER_01
Even if you don t like being hugged, you gotta hug.
10
SPEAKER_01
Like, if you don t get at least one hug in, you gotta get a hug or make someone else laugh every day.
10
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, that would make the world better.
10
SPEAKER_00
That s a good law.
10
SPEAKER_01
A lot of people are angry because they don t get no hugs.
10
SPEAKER_01
Nobody touches them.
10
SPEAKER_01
And they need a hug.
10
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, but don t be just, people be randomly just hugging me.
10
SPEAKER_01
Yesterday I was in the airport, this lady just came up to me crying full tears, and she said, just thank you so much, just thank you so much.
10
SPEAKER_01
And I start crying, I was like, what, why are we thanking him, what s going on?
10
SPEAKER_01
And she just hugged me.
10
SPEAKER_01
And then I was like happy that she hugged me, but then at the same time I was mad, because she had all them tears and it was all on my shoulder.
10
SPEAKER_00
You set the law.
10
SPEAKER_00
You set the law, she just following the law.
10
SPEAKER_01
She was following the law.
10
SPEAKER_01
And I appreciated the hug, but I did not like the tears on my shoulder.
10
SPEAKER_01
But I really wanted to know why she was crying.
10
SPEAKER_01
And I do not know why she was crying.
10
SPEAKER_01
I had to get on the plane.
10
SPEAKER_01
I still don t know exactly why.
10
SPEAKER_01
I think she was happy.
10
SPEAKER_01
Either she was happy that I cut all my hair off, because all her hair was cut off, or she was happy that I went to Israel, because I did see a star of David on there.
10
SPEAKER_01
So I m gonna go with the, because I went to Israel.
10
SPEAKER_01
Even now.
10
SPEAKER_00
Could be because people all had it.
10
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I went in February for Black History Month and I went to find all the black people and I did.
10
SPEAKER_00
What was that experience like?
10
SPEAKER_00
It was amazing.
10
SPEAKER_01
It s just like California, bro.
10
SPEAKER_01
It felt like I was in America, but they speak Hebrew.
10
SPEAKER_01
It s very interesting.
10
SPEAKER_00
Was this your first time?
10
SPEAKER_01
First time.
10
SPEAKER_00
Was that quite a powerful experience in terms of?
10
SPEAKER_01
It was very powerful because you know, every religion is there.
10
SPEAKER_01
Everybody s there.
10
SPEAKER_01
Everybody s there.
10
SPEAKER_00
I ve been as well, yeah.
10
SPEAKER_00
I went in 2017.
10
SPEAKER_00
You went in 2017.
10
SPEAKER_01
And when I went to Jerusalem,
10
SPEAKER_01
Maybe because it s a war going on, there was barely anybody in Jerusalem like that, so I didn t have to wait in no long lines.
10
SPEAKER_01
I could do all the activities, got to shop freely, nobody s bumping into me, nobody s yelling at me.
10
SPEAKER_01
So it was kind of beautiful, because I had been doing my research and seeing like, oh, you might have to wait in line to go in here, you might have to wait in line to go there.
10
SPEAKER_01
for this.
10
SPEAKER_01
I didn t have to wait to go in anything.
10
SPEAKER_01
I went into all the churches.
10
SPEAKER_01
I did not get to go into the mosque, probably because they knew who I was or whatever, and that I m Jewish.
10
SPEAKER_01
But I looked, I was over here like this.
10
SPEAKER_00
What made you want to go right now?
10
SPEAKER_01
Well, I was supposed to go like four years ago.
10
SPEAKER_01
I was supposed to go.
10
SPEAKER_01
I already was planning on going.
10
SPEAKER_01
I already had a ticket.
10
SPEAKER_01
trying to go, you know?
10
SPEAKER_01
It s funny because there were people saying, they paid you to go there.
10
SPEAKER_01
And I m like, that chick I would have took a picture of and posted, okay?
10
SPEAKER_01
Nobody paid me to be anywhere.
10
SPEAKER_01
This was me wanting to, like, I m super thirsty for knowledge.
10
SPEAKER_01
I read about these places in the Bible, in the Torah, in the Quran.
10
SPEAKER_01
I read about, like, I went to the Church of Scientology.
10
SPEAKER_01
They talked about Jerusalem.
10
SPEAKER_01
Like, everybody talks about this place.
10
SPEAKER_01
Like, I need to see this.
10
SPEAKER_01
And this is, like, where Jesus was, where this person was, Abraham, all the major players was in that area.
10
SPEAKER_01
So let me go see this.
10
SPEAKER_01
And I went, and it was...
10
SPEAKER_01
I got to go in that tunnel, right, the underground tunnel, where the mikvah is, and learn about the, that s where baptism came from, from the mikvah and all that stuff, and people getting cleaned up, coming from all the other nations to come visit.
10
SPEAKER_01
That s the trail that Jesus walked every year, and then he walked it that one particular year and got assassinated at the top of it, right?
10
SPEAKER_01
And they built a church around where they had killed him, and around where they say he was buried.
10
SPEAKER_01
It s something there.
10
SPEAKER_01
I don t know if it s aliens underneath the rock or if the rock is from Mars and it got some kind of energy.
10
SPEAKER_01
It s some kind of energetic, like, reboost, reset.
10
SPEAKER_01
Like, on the soul, I felt like I was surrounded, like,
10
SPEAKER_01
I felt like I was surrounded by my ancestors.
10
SPEAKER_01
I could hear whispers.
10
SPEAKER_01
I was looking around to see, did they put some speakers in here or something?
10
SPEAKER_01
I was hearing like, hey, this is what you need to do now.
10
SPEAKER_01
This is what you need.
10
SPEAKER_01
Like guidance.
10
SPEAKER_01
This is where you go for guidance.
10
SPEAKER_01
I prayed at the wall, put a little few prayers in there.
10
SPEAKER_01
I prayed in the church.
10
SPEAKER_01
I was like, I m praying everywhere.
10
SPEAKER_01
If God is here,
10
SPEAKER_01
If God is all throughout this, well then, geez, let me pray everywhere.
10
SPEAKER_01
That s how I felt about it.
10
SPEAKER_01
I feel like we all praying to the same person.
10
SPEAKER_01
We just doing it in different ways because we come from different cultures because of Babylon.
10
SPEAKER_01
Was it Babylon where everybody got the different languages and stuff?
10
SPEAKER_01
Where in the Bible where it say, where everybody was speaking one language at first and then,
10
SPEAKER_01
And they babble, babble, and they was building the Tower of Babel in Babylon, right?
10
SPEAKER_01
And then everybody start babbling.
10
SPEAKER_01
It was everybody speaking different languages and they start separating into different tribes, different whatever, because they didn t speak the same languages anymore.
10
SPEAKER_00
Right?
10
SPEAKER_00
Is that?
10
SPEAKER_00
I m not sure of the exact place.
10
SPEAKER_01
Come on, you a monk, you supposed to know all these different things.
10
SPEAKER_00
Different tradition, different tradition.
10
SPEAKER_01
Okay, so what do the monks say how the different languages come about?
10
SPEAKER_00
We never really talked about that.
10
SPEAKER_00
That wasn t part of the education.
10
SPEAKER_01
So you didn t care about why people speak different languages?
10
SPEAKER_00
No, I did.
10
SPEAKER_00
I care about that, but that wasn t part of our learning.
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But you don t know why people speak different languages.
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Let s ask our researcher over there.
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Researcher, can you tell me, because I m pretty sure it s Babylon.
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I m pretty sure it s Babylon, a Babel.
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What was the place?
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Where people started, when God made people start speaking different languages.
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Because he was like, oh, they keep talking to monsters, so they doing too much.
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But he got caught in some confusion.
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That s like my number one thing I hate is confusion.
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But my room looks like it s confused, but I know where everything at, but I hate confusion.
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The Tower of Babel.
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Tara Bevel, there we go.
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I know my research.
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I just want to be sure.
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I know my research.
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I didn t want to say anything I didn t know.
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So I say all that to say I don t know if it s aliens under that rock.
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I don t know if the rock is from Mars.
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I don t know if that s actually God is in the rock.
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I don t know if God is hanging out in the mosque, in the temple.
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I don t know.
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I don t know.
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But what I do know about Jerusalem is it is a very powerful place.
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There s definitely something spiritual going on that taps into the spirit.
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I don t know if it s like heightened energy where all your chakras open up and you can get like messages coming through or whatever.
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Something s going on there and there s all the different races and religions are there and all throughout the country.
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And they re dealing with a lot of the same crap that we re dealing with amongst themselves.
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I was talking to the black Jews.
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There s a very large African-American diaspora of black Hebrew Jews.
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up in Demona, and they say Demona is where the nuclear weapons are.
10
Shh.
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But I think the nuclear weapons is them black African-Americans with the diaspora there.
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SPEAKER_01
They off the chain.
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But I could be wrong.
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I don t know.
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But I was hanging out with a lot of them, and I was learning a lot.
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SPEAKER_01
And I went to Masada, and that was absolutely gorgeous.
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I went to the Dead Sea.
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Do not pee when you in the Dead Sea.
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Don t have cuts before you go in.
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Don t have cuts.
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They gonna heal.
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Oh, they re going to heal.
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And they say they re going to burn.
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We re just going to heal.
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It s going to be disinfected.
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They say that nothing grows in the Dead Sea, but I beg to differ, because I ve seen them salt spikes growing on the poles over there.
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I think the salt grows.
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SPEAKER_01
And then, and what else?
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I got so much to say.
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Oh, and I went to this other place called Sakne.
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And it s like natural springs and it s like the whole like thing of 300 or whatever, the Spartans of 300 was like not too far away from where Sakne is and there s this natural springs and I was all in there and felt like I was getting younger or something.
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There was fish coming up eating the dead skin off my feet.
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So I was experiencing a lot of the nature.
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and the actual people.
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And I was talking with the Bedouins.
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I talked with everybody.
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And there was Palestinians there, too, and I m talking with them.
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SPEAKER_01
And I got to go to a kibbutz, and I got to see, I could see Gaza from there, and it was horrible.
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SPEAKER_01
It was absolutely horrible.
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SPEAKER_01
I don t know why humans do this to each other.
10
SPEAKER_01
Maybe because they don t get enough hugs.
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SPEAKER_01
I don t know why.
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SPEAKER_01
I don t understand how.
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SPEAKER_01
Anybody would want to eradicate any group of people, any kind of, like that part, I just, I don t know.
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SPEAKER_01
I don t have that in me.
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SPEAKER_01
I can t understand it.
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SPEAKER_01
I don t even want to make myself understand it.
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I just would like that to stop.
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SPEAKER_01
I want peace.
10
SPEAKER_01
Everybody should have peace.
11
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Everybody deserves joy, so I curse the world with joy.
11
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The book is called I Curse You With Joy, Tiffany Haddish.
11
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It s available right now.
11
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This conversation, I m sure, has inspired you to go and grab a copy of the book, dive deep into it.
11
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You are going to laugh, you re going to learn, you re going to cry, you re going to feel it all.
11
SPEAKER_04
Tiffany, thank you for being extraordinary.
11
SPEAKER_04
Genuinely, you re extraordinary.
11
SPEAKER_04
Thank you.
11
SPEAKER_04
I can t think of another word.
11
SPEAKER_05
Oh dang, I thought you said I was extraordinary and I got really excited because that s how, you know, I want to be ordinary but I know that I m not.
11
SPEAKER_05
I m extraordinary.
11
SPEAKER_04
You re right.
11
SPEAKER_04
You re right.
11
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Your presence is infectious.
11
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Your energy is magnetic.
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I mean, it s honestly just being around you is joy.
11
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Good.
11
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And I want to thank you for sharing that with us and my On Purpose community today.
11
SPEAKER_04
Thank you.
11
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I got some of that rock in my pocket.
11
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I love it.
11
SPEAKER_04
That s what it is.
11
SPEAKER_04
I love it.
11
SPEAKER_05
But I did steal some dirt from that tunnel and two rocks from there.
11
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I want to become an archaeologist.
11
SPEAKER_05
That s going to be my next thing.
11
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I m going to go over there and do archaeology for like three days.
11
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I love it.
11
SPEAKER_05
And go dig out some more stuff.
11
SPEAKER_04
I love it.
11
SPEAKER_05
Maybe open a dress shop in that tunnel.
11
SPEAKER_05
It felt like a mall.
11
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
11
SPEAKER_05
That trail looks like a mall.
11
SPEAKER_04
Well, the malls probably copied that.
11
SPEAKER_04
Someone got the idea from there probably.
11
SPEAKER_04
That s how they got it.
11
SPEAKER_04
You right.
11
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, that s how they got it.
11
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You right.
11
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See, CJ, when I hang out with you, I learn stuff.
11
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No, I just know.
11
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Nothing at all.
11
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I think our intentions were met here today.
11
SPEAKER_04
Without a doubt.
11
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And I want to tell everyone who s listening and watching, make sure you share what you learned from Tiffany.
11
SPEAKER_04
Tag both of us on X.
11
SPEAKER_04
on Instagram, on TikTok.
11
SPEAKER_04
Let us know what stayed with you, what resonated with you, what connected with you in the YouTube comments.
11
SPEAKER_04
Let us know because I love to see what Tiffany shared that s helping you become happier, healthier, and healed.
11
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Thanks so much.
11
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Thank you.
11
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You are amazing.
11
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If you loved this episode, you ll enjoy my conversation with Meghan Trainor on breaking generational trauma and how to be confident from the inside out.
11
SPEAKER_01
My therapist told me stand in the mirror naked for five minutes.
11
SPEAKER_01
It was already tough for me to love my body, but after the C-section scar with all the stretch marks, now I m looking at myself like I ve been hacked.
11
SPEAKER_01
But day three when I did it, I was like, you know what?
11
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Her thighs are cute.
11
SPEAKER_02
Tune in to the new podcast, Stories from the Village of Nothing Much.
11
SPEAKER_02
Like, easy listening, but for fiction.
11
SPEAKER_02
If you ve overdosed on bad news, we invite you into a world where the glimmers of goodness in everyday life are all around you.
11
SPEAKER_02
I m Katharine Nicolai, and I m an architect of cozy.
11
SPEAKER_02
Come spend some time where everyone is welcome and the default is kindness.
11
SPEAKER_02
Listen, relax, enjoy.
11
SPEAKER_02
Listen to stories from the Village of Nothing Much on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
11
SPEAKER_03
Something that makes me crazy is when people say, well, I had this career before, but it was a waste.
11
SPEAKER_03
And that s where the perspective shift comes, that it s not a waste, that everything you ve done has built you to where you are now.
11
SPEAKER_03
This is She Pivots, the podcast where we explore the inspiring pivots women have made and dig deeper into the personal reasons behind them.
11
SPEAKER_03
Join me, Emily Tish Sussman, every Wednesday on She Pivots.
11
SPEAKER_03
Listen to She Pivots on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
11
SPEAKER_00
Parents, if you ve ever experienced bedtime battles with the kids, I m gonna let you into a little secret.
11
SPEAKER_00
The Koala Moon podcast has revolutionized over 20 million bedtimes, with parents like you calling it life-changing and the perfect nighttime routine.
11
SPEAKER_00
With original kids  bedtime stories and cozy sleep meditations, every episode has been specially designed to make bedtimes a dream.
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SPEAKER_00
Listen to Koala Moon on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.