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SPEAKER_00
Hello?
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SPEAKER_00
Hey man, what s your name?
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SPEAKER_01
My name s Walter.
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SPEAKER_00
Walter.
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I m a 29-year-old male living in Northern Idaho.
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SPEAKER_00
A 29-year-old male living in Northern Idaho.
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SPEAKER_00
Hot.
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SPEAKER_00
Very hot.
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SPEAKER_00
What s up, man?
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SPEAKER_00
How s it going?
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SPEAKER_00
What do you want to talk about today?
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SPEAKER_01
Well, I just wanted to tell a little bit of my story.
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SPEAKER_01
I started using drugs around about the age of 12 and had some pretty crazy times and
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got really, really bad, but I had an awakening.
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I was probably about 20 years old and I was at this house and the best room that they had to offer me was a room full of dog shit and dog piss.
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SPEAKER_01
It was like the middle of winter and there was no heating and cold air was like hitting me on the face and I was like laying there high and I was just like, oh yeah, this isn t so bad.
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SPEAKER_01
And then I stayed up for about seven days
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and had a really intense hallucination where I argued with this large creature on the side of a wall.
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And that night I decided that I was completely done, got sober.
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Within three months I went to college and now I m working on my master s degree, trying to become a professor.
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So I guess I just wanted to share with people that
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you know, it s not impossible to do what you want and you re never too late.
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SPEAKER_00
So tell me more about this large creature.
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SPEAKER_00
What kind of creature was it?
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SPEAKER_01
Hmm.
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
So I did a lot of research into that because, um, I look at life from a lot of different perspectives and the closest thing I could come to was, um, Carl Young, uh, uh, German psychologist.
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He talked about, um, something called the dark night of the soul.
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And it s something that everybody has inside of them.
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And at one point in time, you have to confront this dark night of the soul and befriend it essentially, because it s not really there to scare you, but it s there to help you.
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SPEAKER_01
And you just have to learn how to interact with it.
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SPEAKER_01
So I kind of took that away from that interaction.
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SPEAKER_01
And I ve been living with that ever since.
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SPEAKER_00
Interesting.
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SPEAKER_00
So your dark, the dark night of the soul for you manifested itself as a creature on your wall that you argued with.
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it was, you know, it was desperately trying to tell me, so the dark night of the soul is your subconscious.
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SPEAKER_01
So my dark night of the soul was telling me that, hey, you know, this is, this has gone so very far.
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And he s like, you know, you just, you need to stop.
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Like you re going to die very, very soon if you don t.
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I almost died two or three times before this, and I still didn t wake up.
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SPEAKER_01
So that s kind of what it had to come to, I guess.
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SPEAKER_00
Now, the dark night of the soul, once you make peace with it, does it go away?
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SPEAKER_00
Or do you, you know, nine years later, still stay in contact with the dark night of your soul?
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I know.
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SPEAKER_01
I ve definitely made peace with it over time.
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SPEAKER_01
The only trouble that I have sometimes is I take some medication for PTSD and if I get a lack of sleep and I m very stressed, I ll tend to see the figure kind of darting through corridors or past doorways or I ll think I ll see it standing in the corner of a room.
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And it s kind of, you know, it s kind of there to tell me like, hey, you know, you re headed in this direction again, maybe you should stop.
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SPEAKER_00
So this is interesting because alright when I think of the dark knight of the soul and a creature on your wall it sounds like you and this creature like I guess I thought I think of like a nefarious being but it sounds to me like uh this creature is like you guys are I ll say It sounds like you guys are maybe frenemies.
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SPEAKER_01
You re frenemies with the dark knight of your soul Well Carl Jung says that everybody has this inside of them.
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It s something that we all must face at some time and
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SPEAKER_01
Everybody s night looks different, you know, somebody might have an eating disorder Has trouble buying too many Pokemon cards or really loves McDonald s or whatever, you know It doesn t have to be as extreme as you know, being a drug addict.
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SPEAKER_00
So mm-hmm That would be crazy if the dark night of your soul was Mewtwo And he had to tell you to stop buying Mewtwo Pokemon cards
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SPEAKER_00
Um, so, so, so do you still, so when you take medication for your PTSD, occasionally the hallucinations will, will pop back up.
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SPEAKER_00
That is correct.
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SPEAKER_00
Yes.
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SPEAKER_00
And is that distressing for you or is that a kind of reminder for you?
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SPEAKER_01
Um, I think it s a little bit of both.
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SPEAKER_01
Um, I definitely feel like I,
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crawled so dark and deep into a place that I almost see it as like a scar and something that I have to live with for the rest of my life possibly.
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SPEAKER_00
All right, so I want to hear this because you know you said you wanted to come on and talk about this stuff Sort of as a way of letting people know that you know you you can never be too far gone Which I actually I think is a really great takeaway
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SPEAKER_00
So tell me, you re 20, you re sleeping in dog piss, you have an argument with a creature on your wall, and you wake up the next morning and you go, okay, I m done, I m turning my life around.
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SPEAKER_00
What s the first couple days of that look like for you?
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SPEAKER_01
Um, my mother let me come back to my, to my childhood house and I stayed in my room.
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And the first two days I had these really nasty hallucinations that I would see
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in the glass and in the glass that covered my light bulb.
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And I saw like people dancing and pointing at me and laughing.
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And I guess at some point in time, I got a hold of a pair of toenail clippers.
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I didn t realize it, but I just kept clipping my toenails over and over and over again and essentially mutilated my toes.
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SPEAKER_01
And after about a week, that kind of died down.
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SPEAKER_01
And then a couple of weeks in, I was able to kind of function essentially.
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SPEAKER_01
My brain chemistry was pretty out of whack.
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SPEAKER_00
And I guess, what would you say it was the turning point for you?
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SPEAKER_00
When was, you know, it sounded like things had to get a little crazy before they got better, right?
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SPEAKER_00
What would you say is the day or the moment or even if there s not a day or a moment and, you know, as it typically is a gradual process of ups and downs, but do you have something that you point to as like, okay, this is where we start to go on a more positive track?
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I think it was just accumulation over time of just a loss of control.
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SPEAKER_01
I really felt that I had absolutely no control over my thoughts or my actions or whatever direction I was taking in life.
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SPEAKER_01
And I think it just built up over time.
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SPEAKER_01
Like I said earlier, I even
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almost died once in front of my mother and then once with another person in a car accident and I was still like, ah, no, this is okay.
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SPEAKER_01
I m still living a pretty good life.
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah, so it s kind of interesting.
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I think I ve always believed in some sort of supernatural and I want to believe that it s out there and trying to help us.
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I don t know if I was just disregarding everybody else in my life and
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Now that I ve made some sort of contact with an entity that I ve been looking for, you know, hoping would be real.
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SPEAKER_01
It s like, I wish aliens were real.
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I wish they would just land already or something stupid like that.
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SPEAKER_01
I ve just always been a person that I m ready for the world to be shook enough.
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SPEAKER_01
Like I don t believe in splatter, but if it s flat, that was pretty cool.
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SPEAKER_00
So you said if the world were to splat, that would be cool.
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SPEAKER_01
No, if the world was flat.
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SPEAKER_00
Oh, if the world was flat.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
You ever think about that?
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SPEAKER_00
Like, do you, does any, what, is there any part of your brain that would accept that idea that the earth is flat?
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SPEAKER_01
Well, yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
I mean, if you look back in time, you know, people used to think that the world was the center of the universe and the people who said that wasn t true or said that wasn t true, you know, they were prosecuted and some of them were killed.
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SPEAKER_01
Um, I don t know if the world is flat, but if it is, I m like, hell yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
No.
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SPEAKER_01
fucking 2024 will be crazy.
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SPEAKER_00
I m with not I m with you on that.
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SPEAKER_00
I think it s always I think no matter what it s it s good to keep an open mind.
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SPEAKER_00
I think it s good to keep an open mind to facts.
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Now I sound like one of those podcasters.
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I think it s good to keep an open mind to facts.
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SPEAKER_00
You know if someone tells you the
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SPEAKER_01
I m 29, so it s been 8 years.
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SPEAKER_01
Nice, man.
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Tell me some of the things that fill your life in the places that drugs used to.
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SPEAKER_00
Oh, I fell deeply into making art.
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So I m becoming a professor of fine arts and painting.
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And I spent thousands and thousands of hours drawing and painting and making collages and sculptures and printmaking and ceramics.
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I just, I let it consume me.
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SPEAKER_00
Um, when I met my wife, I told her that I, uh, I had a second girlfriend and she laughed at me and I, I told her that her name was Art.
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SPEAKER_00
And probably over time she learned that that was very true.
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SPEAKER_01
Um, ooh, have you ever, I would love to see this if you have, uh, have you ever painted the night of you arguing with the creature?
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SPEAKER_00
Uh, no, I ve, uh,
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SPEAKER_00
I ve always been very afraid to.
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SPEAKER_01
Interesting.
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SPEAKER_00
I ve made a lot of, I ve made a lot of paintings and, and some very dark ones, but no, I ve never been able to paint that.
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SPEAKER_01
Can I ask why?
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SPEAKER_00
Um, I come off as like a pretty normal guy.
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SPEAKER_00
Like I I m, I m a very typical looking like Idaho guy, like I wear cowboy boots, I have a beard, I wear short hair, jeans, you know.
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SPEAKER_00
Um, but there s this whole other side to me that,
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SPEAKER_00
Um, I guess I just don t really feel like sharing with a lot of people cause I just, I don t, I don t think that they ll understand.
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SPEAKER_00
And I don t really want to take that time to explain.
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SPEAKER_01
Interesting.
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SPEAKER_01
So you feel like that painting, it would be a bit too personal for you to have out there in the world.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
You know, it s just, well, it s just like, would it catch any traction?
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SPEAKER_00
I mean, maybe, you know, but I mean,
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There s been lots of different types of art where people have some sort of spooky creature on the wall or behind them.
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It s been done for thousands of years.
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SPEAKER_00
So it s just kind of like a moment for myself, I guess, that I don t really have to manifest in some sort of physical form.
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SPEAKER_01
See, I m only asking because when you say that you re arguing with a creature on your wall, I m trying to imagine what creature it is.
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SPEAKER_01
And maybe I m biased to this, but I am imagining it as a giant lizard.
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SPEAKER_00
Oh, that s very interesting that you say that.
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SPEAKER_00
I m glad you said that because, yeah, it takes on, a part of it is a lizard or a dragon or whatever you want to call it.
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SPEAKER_00
And yeah, there s, I mean, there s many reasons for that, but that would take an hour to explain all that.
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SPEAKER_00
So yeah, your intuition is correct.
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SPEAKER_01
I specifically imagine it looking like Rango.
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SPEAKER_01
Have you ever seen the movie Rango?
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SPEAKER_00
No, not quite like Rango.
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SPEAKER_00
I mean, it d be a lot more, a lot more comic relief if it was.
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SPEAKER_01
So you have a, tell me about your family now.
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SPEAKER_01
Are you still close with your mom and your dad?
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SPEAKER_00
Um, I m close with my mother.
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SPEAKER_00
Um, I met my father last year for the first time.
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And I spent the last two months of his life with him.
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SPEAKER_01
Wow.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
You met him when he was dying.
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SPEAKER_00
That is correct.
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SPEAKER_00
He reached out to me and I got to meet him and I looked exactly like him and we had the same exact likes.
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SPEAKER_00
So there s definitely that nature over nurture thing.
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SPEAKER_00
It was kind of
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interesting to see because I definitely was a lot like him.
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SPEAKER_01
How did you feel when he reached out to you?
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SPEAKER_00
I was very upset initially.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I was very angry and I wanted to say a lot of mean things, but by the time I got there, it was kind of all dissipated after seeing him and, you know, he was very sick.
1
Mm-hmm.
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SPEAKER_01
Do you feel like, um, you had a significant shift in perspective after spending those last two months with him?
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SPEAKER_01
And if so, how would you describe that shift?
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah, the biggest shift in perspective I would say is that, you know, um, my mother who raised me, uh, essentially fed me a narrative for very long.
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SPEAKER_00
And, uh, I got to see the other side of that narrative.
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and kind of saw where things overlapped and where things didn t.
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SPEAKER_00
And so now my relationship with my mother is slightly different, not in a negative way, but I approach her in a much more mature manner, I guess.
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SPEAKER_01
You were saying, and I cut you off because I wanted to ask you more about your father, but you were saying your mother, your father, and there was something else you were going to say, I believe.
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SPEAKER_00
Oh yeah, I just had my, well, I had my father.
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SPEAKER_00
I had my mother and my sister and my grandmother.
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SPEAKER_00
That s the only family that I have.
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SPEAKER_01
What s the deal with the sister and the grandma?
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SPEAKER_01
Are you close with them?
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SPEAKER_00
My grandmother is from, she s from old world Austria.
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SPEAKER_00
So she has a very particular view on the world.
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SPEAKER_00
Not liked by most.
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SPEAKER_00
And, um, uh, my sister, she s, uh, she s whatever.
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SPEAKER_00
She has a lot going on too.
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SPEAKER_00
She has a lot of psychological issues, but, uh, yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
And then my mother, she s a psychologist out of all the things.
1
Hmm.
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SPEAKER_01
Your mother s a psychologist.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah, that is correct.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
When you, when you were a kid, when you were 20, when you were 20 and you, um, said to her,
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that you were arguing with a creature on your wall.
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SPEAKER_01
What did she say to you, I guess?
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SPEAKER_01
Did she have a psychologist s point of view on that?
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SPEAKER_00
No, because I ve been saying wild things to her ever since I was very, very young.
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SPEAKER_00
It started when I was about six or seven.
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SPEAKER_00
I used to not sleep at nighttime, and I would stay up all night long, and I was just terrified.
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SPEAKER_00
I would go downstairs in the middle of the night and I would look in a mirror and I would touch my face because I couldn t understand what I was and I didn t know what I was looking at.
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SPEAKER_00
I tried to express that to my mom as a child and she didn t really understand.
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SPEAKER_00
As I got older, just more weird things started happening and I just kind of became more withdrawn.
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SPEAKER_01
So how long have you been with your girlfriend for?
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SPEAKER_00
Um, well, we re married now.
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SPEAKER_00
I ve been with her for five and a half years.
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SPEAKER_01
Oh, she s your wife?
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah, we got married a year and a half ago.
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SPEAKER_01
Oh, mazel tov.
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SPEAKER_00
Thank you very much.
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SPEAKER_01
Did you invite the lizard creature to the wedding?
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SPEAKER_00
I don t have to invite him.
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SPEAKER_00
He s always with me.
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SPEAKER_01
I bet he would give a hell of a best man speech.
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SPEAKER_00
He probably would, he s definitely seen me when most people haven t, so.
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SPEAKER_00
I just hope my wife never has to meet him.
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SPEAKER_01
Are you guys planning on having kids or anything like that?
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SPEAKER_01
What is your plan for the future?
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah, we would love to have kids, but unfortunately my wife can t have kids.
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SPEAKER_00
And so we have to look at the idea of adoption, which will probably happen in the near future.
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SPEAKER_01
And you are currently a professor of fine art?
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SPEAKER_00
No, I m getting close.
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SPEAKER_00
I m completing my master s degree right now.
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SPEAKER_00
Then the next step is professor.
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SPEAKER_01
Now, when people take your class, say I m a bright-eyed, soft-tongued art student boy, and I come into your class, my brain ready to soak in your wisdom, what would you say is the
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SPEAKER_01
the ideology or main idea or thesis that you want to install into people through your teaching of the arts?
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SPEAKER_00
That s a really good question, thank you.
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SPEAKER_00
I want to say it in as few words as possible because I could definitely ramble, but the basics of it would be to, you know, explore many
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SPEAKER_01
many different perspectives, even ones that might bother you in some way or form, but also to remember that you re human and to be humbled by that experience.
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SPEAKER_01
So no matter what sort of fame or recognition you get, to kind of grasp the idea that this moment is a blip in time and that we re here for everyone around us and just not ourselves.
2
Hmm.
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SPEAKER_00
I like that, man.
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SPEAKER_01
Um, thank you.
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SPEAKER_00
Hmm.
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SPEAKER_00
What, do you have any art projects coming up on a personal level that, that you re excited about that you want to talk about or, or yeah, anything like that?
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
So I m currently painting a bunch of landscapes with really pretty clouds at sunset time for a gallery in Southern Idaho.
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SPEAKER_00
Very nice.
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SPEAKER_00
Hmm, you know, I m actually I m seeing a few questions in the chat a few people in the chat Wanna want to talk to you about so does does anyone in the chat have any questions?
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SPEAKER_00
I see one off the bat and chat you can feel free to ask some questions I ll pick some but somebody says hey Gek.
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SPEAKER_00
Can you ask how this guy keeps going?
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SPEAKER_00
Despite his struggles.
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SPEAKER_01
Hmm Yeah, that s a really tough one.
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SPEAKER_01
I think my my curiosity
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SPEAKER_01
of being alive outweighs my fear of the unknown.
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SPEAKER_01
I have to stop myself sometimes, because I ll have an existential crisis about every five minutes.
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SPEAKER_01
Just looking at the profoundness of everything, it can be very overwhelming, from a door to a cat to a person to quantum physics and SpaceX.
2
SPEAKER_01
It just snowballs from there, but I m an extremely curious person.
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SPEAKER_01
Very, very curious.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I feel like if you re making art, you gotta stay curious or else you ll just pump it out like it s content.
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SPEAKER_00
Do you ever look at your art as content?
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah, so the clouds and sunsets that I m making, I call it prairie porn because everybody in Idaho likes fields and sunsets and barns.
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it sells really well.
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SPEAKER_00
Somebody says, question, I am 22 and I have a very similar lived experience.
2
SPEAKER_00
I am in Idaho as well and I wonder if it s good for our mental health.
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SPEAKER_00
I don t know if that s, I don t actually think that s a, I think the, I don t know if that s a question.
2
SPEAKER_00
I think the question might be, is living in Idaho good for your mental health?
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, yeah, I absolutely love living in Idaho.
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SPEAKER_01
I hunt and I fish and I forage for the different berries and plums and apples throughout the time of the year.
2
SPEAKER_01
And it s a very grounding experience for people who suffer from anxiety or PTSD or depression.
2
SPEAKER_01
Nature has a very healing quality.
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SPEAKER_00
I like that because I would have thought that moving to Idaho and I m sorry but I would have initially thought that moving to Idaho would be the cause of depression but now I m glad to hear that it is it is cured your depression that actually is a really cool life that you re living man you re fucking foraging for berries and hunting barefoot and doing that is pretty cool that is pretty cool I wish I wish I could do all that stuff well I mean I guess the things that I m doing they re just
2
SPEAKER_01
are what s accessible to me.
2
SPEAKER_01
So depending on your geographical placement, you know, everybody has different accessibilities.
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SPEAKER_01
You know, whether you live in a city or a small town or next to the ocean or in the desert, you know, everybody has something unique that they can interact with.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s also, I think Idaho s where Napoleon Dynamite was filmed.
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SPEAKER_00
So is that true?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, my painting professor was from that town.
2
SPEAKER_00
All right, we ve got one more.
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SPEAKER_00
Who are the people who inspire you the most?
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SPEAKER_01
I would say Leonardo da Vinci, Carl Jung, JF Kennedy, Albert Einstein, Salvador Dali, Martin Luther King Jr., and maybe
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SPEAKER_00
That s sweet, man.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s really sweet.
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SPEAKER_00
You know, okay, I have a final question, and if you re not comfortable with this, that s totally fine, but I appreciate you telling your story.
2
SPEAKER_00
I think you re a pretty cool guy, and I personally would love to check out some of your paintings and some of your work.
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SPEAKER_00
Do you have a website or an Instagram or anything where people who heard this and also think that you re a cool guy and want to see your stuff, anything that we can check out?
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I do have a website.
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SPEAKER_01
So it s josephjaroskiart.com.
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SPEAKER_01
J-O-S-E-S J-A-R-O-S-K-I art.com.
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SPEAKER_00
Great.
2
SPEAKER_00
Is that your Instagram too?
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SPEAKER_00
I feel like websites, I mean, do you do Instagram at all?
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SPEAKER_01
No, I shy away from social media.
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SPEAKER_00
You know what, that s for the best.
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SPEAKER_00
That s for the best.
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SPEAKER_00
There are a lot of dark nights on social media to avoid.
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SPEAKER_00
Give me that, spell that out for me one more time.
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SPEAKER_01
Oh yeah, so it s Joseph J-O-S-E-F J-A-R-O-S-K-I art.com.
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SPEAKER_01
JosephJaroskiArt.com.
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SPEAKER_00
Beautiful.
2
SPEAKER_00
Joseph, thank you very, very much.
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SPEAKER_00
I m sorry I doxed you.
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SPEAKER_00
I know you started this as Walter, but I hope that s, is that cool?
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
Thank you, Gak.
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SPEAKER_01
I appreciate this.
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SPEAKER_01
It s been a very profound experience and I ll add to the list of the rest of them.
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SPEAKER_00
Anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
2
SPEAKER_01
Remember to love yourself.
2
SPEAKER_00
Thank you, Walter.
2
SPEAKER_00
Have a good rest of the night.
2
SPEAKER_01
You too.
2
SPEAKER_01
Bye.
2
SPEAKER_00
Leaving that, that was really cool.
2
SPEAKER_00
I really enjoyed talking to that guy.
2
SPEAKER_00
Honestly, that was one of my favorite conversations I ve had on this podcast in a long time.
2
SPEAKER_00
That guy was super cool, super humble.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m excited to check out his paintings.
2
SPEAKER_00
Folks, if you re listening to this, go check out his paintings.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m going to take a look myself once I m out of here recording this.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, that was a great story.
2
SPEAKER_00
I do love the general message that you can never ever be too far gone.
2
SPEAKER_00
That you cannot return to a place of prosperity in life.
2
SPEAKER_00
Personal achievement and all that stuff no matter how much dog piss you re lying in so shout out to Walter for being the living proof of that and Also shout out to Walter for giving me a new personal goal Which is to be the creature on somebody s wall that they are arguing with during an episode so if anyone is looking for Scary lizards to haunt their dreams, please reach out to me
2
SPEAKER_00
Hey folks, this is Lyle.
2
SPEAKER_00
I am very excited to announce that I am going back on tour in 2024 to do Therapy Gecko Live all across the country.
2
SPEAKER_00
If you ve never been to one of my live shows before, they re basically like giant group gecko therapy sessions where people from the audience come on stage to talk to a gecko about whatever they want, just like we do right here on the podcast.
2
SPEAKER_00
Plus, I mix in a few stories and presentations and little tidbits from my own life.
2
SPEAKER_00
Tickets are available right now at TherapyGeckoTour.com or you can find the link in the episode description.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m announcing many more cities in the second half of the year, but right now, tickets are on sale for Phoenix, Arizona, Louisville, Kentucky, St.
2
SPEAKER_00
Louis, Missouri, Orlando, Florida, Tampa, Florida, Miami, Florida,
2
SPEAKER_00
Boston, Massachusetts, Denver, Colorado, Syracuse, New York, Albany, New York, Hartford, Connecticut, Las Vegas, Nevada, Salt Lake City, Utah, Nashville, Tennessee, Huntsville, Alabama, Chicago, Illinois, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, San Jose, California, San Francisco, California,
2
SPEAKER_00
Portland, Oregon, and Seattle, Washington.
2
SPEAKER_00
And you can get tickets for all of those cities at therapygeckotour.com.
2
SPEAKER_00
If you didn t hear me say your city, you can still go to the link and hit the RSVP button to get notified for when I do come to your city in the second half of the year.
2
SPEAKER_00
This is my third tour so far, and I think it s gonna be sick.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I hope to see you there.
2
SPEAKER_00
Thanks.
3
SPEAKER_01
Hello?
3
SPEAKER_00
What s your name?
3
SPEAKER_01
John.
3
SPEAKER_00
John, what s up?
3
SPEAKER_00
What s going on?
3
SPEAKER_01
What s up, man?
3
SPEAKER_01
You know, just, uh, just living.
3
SPEAKER_00
What do you want to talk about today?
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, I really just want to talk about how I m really addicted to porn.
3
SPEAKER_01
Just can t ever stop watching it every single night, every single day.
3
SPEAKER_01
Probably jerk off three times a day.
3
SPEAKER_00
Holy shit, it s three times a day addicted?
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, three is a short day.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m, uh, oh, I mean, uh, you know, I ve had, I ve had several, um, three timer days, uh, myself.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I guess, does that make you addicted?
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, I mean, I don t know if you would put it addicted.
3
SPEAKER_01
I mean, three times a day, four, sometimes five, you know.
3
SPEAKER_00
Here s what I ve found is I typically when I m jerking off three times a day, it s because I m not doing anything.
3
SPEAKER_00
You know, like, what do you do all day?
3
SPEAKER_00
Because the trick is to live a life where you don t have time to jerk off three times a day or like, you know, you go to work at a coffee shop or something because then you can t.
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, I guess you theoretically can, but you d get arrested.
3
SPEAKER_01
Right, right.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s not like I m lazy.
3
SPEAKER_01
I have a job.
3
SPEAKER_01
I go to the gym every day and I just still find time at work on my break in the bathroom.
3
SPEAKER_01
After that, I ll go if I m at a restaurant for more than an hour, I ll go to the bathroom in the restaurant.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it s not just at home and at home as well.
3
SPEAKER_01
I mean, every night.
3
SPEAKER_00
Are you excusing yourself from like family dinners?
3
SPEAKER_00
To go jerk off?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, every once in a while.
3
SPEAKER_00
So let s get, alright, why do you think you re doing this?
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, I don t have a girlfriend, and I think even if I did, even when I did, I would still jerk off multiple times a day.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_01
And no matter if I had sex or not, it was just, the dopamine release is just too much.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Are you stressed?
3
SPEAKER_01
I m stressed.
3
SPEAKER_01
Everyone s stressed, right?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, sure.
3
SPEAKER_01
I just want to find a way to slow down or limit myself from four to five times a day to maybe one or less.
3
SPEAKER_00
You re addicted to the dopamine release.
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, okay, so it s funny, right?
3
SPEAKER_00
Because this is a pro- I ve started to learn this, like, um, I ve been listening to, uh, this guy, Andrew Huberman, and, um, he really makes my podcast look like, uh, uh, uh, a first grader made it.
3
SPEAKER_00
because your problem it could actually be solved through like the scientific method and someone could explain here s why you re chasing this dopamine release and you know here s ways to fulfill your desires with less as you classify destructive behavior
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know how to do any of that stuff because I m a gecko, but we can try.
3
SPEAKER_00
Does anything give you the same feeling?
3
SPEAKER_00
What releases positive feelings and dopamine in your brain for you?
3
SPEAKER_01
Accomplishing hard tasks probably is number one.
3
SPEAKER_01
Doing things I don t want to do after you do them.
3
SPEAKER_01
Of course, you feel so good about it.
3
SPEAKER_01
And we re jerking off.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s the fastest and easiest way possible.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s why I do it so often.
3
SPEAKER_00
I know right I know it s like the classic thing of any time if I have like a difficult task to do or like a difficult day ahead of me I mean that s it right is you want to just you want to find the fastest way to release the the good chemicals in your brain and that s what does it exactly so but I mean that s just another like a way that we got a we got to overcome no pun intended we got to overcome our tendency to overcome
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, what advice would you give to stop or slow down?
3
SPEAKER_00
Because it s not even porn sometimes.
3
SPEAKER_01
I can just go in the bathroom.
3
SPEAKER_01
If I m at a restaurant, it ll be listening to the guy in the urinal next to me.
3
SPEAKER_01
And, you know, they notice, but I just can t stop.
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, that s the thing, right?
3
SPEAKER_00
This is a difficult one, because for me, like I said, I find that the more busy I am, the less I m jerking off.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I m trying to find more ways to be busy.
3
SPEAKER_00
But it sounds like to you, even when you are busy, you will excuse yourself from your busyness to go jerk off.
3
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
3
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
3
SPEAKER_00
So it s like a compulsion.
3
SPEAKER_01
Being busy isn t a problem.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s just the compulsion of two hours have gone by, and it s edging at me.
3
SPEAKER_01
Literally edging.
3
SPEAKER_01
But I don t edge.
3
SPEAKER_01
I bust every time.
3
SPEAKER_00
Very cool.
3
SPEAKER_00
Do you have a therapist?
3
SPEAKER_00
Do you have a real one?
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, no.
3
SPEAKER_01
No, I don t.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m curious what they would have to say about this.
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I this is such a platitude, but like I would fire you.
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean, look up online.
3
SPEAKER_00
All right.
3
SPEAKER_00
There s got to be something.
3
SPEAKER_00
There s got to be some chemicals going on in your brain that just need quick monkey hits of dopamine that you just aren t getting.
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean, all right.
3
SPEAKER_00
Let me ask you this.
3
SPEAKER_00
Let me ask you some questions.
3
SPEAKER_00
When you re at a restaurant,
3
SPEAKER_00
And you re going to go jerk off.
3
SPEAKER_00
Who are you with?
3
SPEAKER_00
What s what?
3
SPEAKER_00
Set the scene for me.
3
SPEAKER_00
Set the scene right before you excuse yourself to the bathroom.
3
SPEAKER_01
OK, OK.
3
SPEAKER_01
The most recent time, three days ago, had dinner with my grandparents.
3
SPEAKER_01
We were sitting there.
3
SPEAKER_01
We re sitting there about 10, 20 minutes in.
3
SPEAKER_01
Food hasn t came out yet.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m sitting there.
3
SPEAKER_01
They, you know, grandparents, man, no matter what you say, it s just so boring.
3
SPEAKER_01
So I m waiting.
3
SPEAKER_01
I think, well, before my food comes out, I can go get a bust in.
3
SPEAKER_00
OK, so this is a dinner that you re excusing yourself from to go jerk off because the dinner is not particularly engaging to you.
3
SPEAKER_01
Exactly.
3
SPEAKER_01
OK.
3
SPEAKER_00
Alright, I m gonna go ahead and say that that doesn t count.
3
SPEAKER_00
That doesn t count as an engaging activity.
3
SPEAKER_00
It definitely counts as jerking off.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay, and then what else are you?
3
SPEAKER_00
You re at work, right?
3
SPEAKER_00
And I assume that you re at work.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if you like your job or not.
3
SPEAKER_00
Do you like your job?
3
SPEAKER_01
No, it s very boring.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay, so you re not you re busy with Yeah, so you re busy so you re you What I am hearing from you is that you your life as it is It s not particularly stimulating hanging out with your grandparents to go to this job that you hate So in order to get dopamine or to get stimulation you you you jerk off five times a day Yeah, that sounds pretty right I
3
SPEAKER_00
All right.
3
SPEAKER_00
So the question is that this is no small question to answer.
3
SPEAKER_00
And it is the question.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s how do you find how do you create a life that is more stimulating for yourself so that you re not jacking off every five seconds?
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, I could find a job that I enjoy better and like going to, but I still think I would excuse myself.
3
SPEAKER_01
and find even create time for jerking off.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, but you don t.
3
SPEAKER_00
But that s the thing, though, is that you you can find replacements for jerking off.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, do you know what the flow state is?
3
SPEAKER_00
No.
3
SPEAKER_00
The flow state is like the, uh, the state of mind when you re like doing an activity and that could be like working or having a conversation or playing a sport or anything like that, where you are fully engrossed in the activity.
3
SPEAKER_00
Right.
3
SPEAKER_00
You re not thinking about anything else.
3
SPEAKER_00
You are fully present and where you are.
3
SPEAKER_00
Right.
3
SPEAKER_00
Do you have anything in your life that gets you into that place where you re, you re really present?
3
SPEAKER_01
Only thing I m present in is jerking jerking off.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
So, um, well, that s what we got to do.
3
SPEAKER_00
I guess we got to find something for you to, that gets you as, uh, in the present.
3
SPEAKER_00
And that s what we want.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s why orgasm feels so good.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s what all we want.
3
SPEAKER_00
All we want is to be in the presence.
3
SPEAKER_00
whether it s with people or with heroin or with a sandwich or with jerking off all we want all we want as people is to just feel like we re actually fucking here and we re not depressed about the past or anxious about the future we re fucking here whether it s because we re orgasming or or because when you re having lunch with your with your
4
SPEAKER_02
grandparents your head is in the clouds you re not here you re in fucking space and so to get your head back down to earth you jack off because you re in you re there so what so we just gotta find like what what s gonna get you back on planet fucking earth right what s gonna make you feel like you re here and that could be hanging out with people who are more interesting than your grandparents so that you know people who don t literally bore you so much that you need to go jack off
4
SPEAKER_02
or a job that doesn t bore you enough that you have to go jack off just like what s gonna and i don t know we re not gonna answer this on the phone call unless if you have ideas but that s that s the that s my diagnosis to you is find something that gets your head on the planet you know that s why that s why you re jerking off so much is because it makes you feel here and presence
4
SPEAKER_02
You know, that s why I jerk off when I get anxious.
4
SPEAKER_02
Is because it takes my brain away from the future, and away from the past, and right goddamn here in the orgasm.
4
SPEAKER_02
And that s why I eat stuff that s bad for you, is because it takes your brain right away, just in the present.
4
SPEAKER_02
So what will get your brain in the present?
4
SPEAKER_02
I don t know.
4
SPEAKER_02
But there are things.
4
SPEAKER_02
And hopefully you can figure them out.
4
SPEAKER_01
I hope so as well.
4
SPEAKER_02
What kind of porn do you watch?
4
SPEAKER_02
No, we don t answer that.
4
SPEAKER_02
What s your name again, John?
4
SPEAKER_02
John.
4
SPEAKER_02
John, was this conversation of any marginal help to you?
4
SPEAKER_01
It could have helped.
4
SPEAKER_02
Why do I feel like you jacked off during the whole time I was talking to you?
4
SPEAKER_02
Don t play this game with- Alright, anyway.
4
SPEAKER_02
John, is there anything else you want to say to the people at the computer before we go?
4
SPEAKER_01
What do I say to the people of the computer?
4
SPEAKER_01
Um... Jack off less.
4
SPEAKER_01
And, uh... That s about it.
4
SPEAKER_01
I think I was edging the entire call, so... Get the fuck out of here.
4
SPEAKER_02
Get the fuck out of here.
4
SPEAKER_02
Alright, thanks, John.
4
SPEAKER_02
God bless you.
4
SPEAKER_00
Hello?
4
SPEAKER_02
Hi there!
4
SPEAKER_02
What s your name?
4
SPEAKER_02
Is this the Gag?
4
SPEAKER_00
Yes!
4
SPEAKER_00
Hi, Gag.
4
SPEAKER_00
How are you?
4
SPEAKER_02
Oh, I m okay.
4
SPEAKER_02
How are you?
4
SPEAKER_00
I m good.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m actually shocked that you called me.
4
SPEAKER_00
This is my first day trying to call, but I have been listening to you for a while now.
4
SPEAKER_00
I started listening, listening on.
4
SPEAKER_00
like Apple podcast, but now I downloaded Twitch just to listen to your podcast.
4
SPEAKER_02
Cool, cool, cool.
4
SPEAKER_02
Well, thanks for being here.
4
SPEAKER_02
Thanks for, you know, look, you didn t have to download all that crap and you did.
4
SPEAKER_02
And that s pretty cool.
4
SPEAKER_02
So I m gonna call you I m gonna call you Jessica.
4
SPEAKER_02
That s a fun name.
4
SPEAKER_02
That s my dogs.
4
SPEAKER_02
It s my old dog s name.
4
SPEAKER_02
She s dead She s been dead for a while.
4
SPEAKER_02
She s not coming back But you re alive and your name is Jessica as in terms of this conversation.
4
SPEAKER_02
So Jessica What would you like to talk about today?
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
Well what I text you about was I Work at a place That s pretty
4
SPEAKER_00
pretty competitive place to work at, and it s a lot of opportunity for growth at the place that I work at.
4
SPEAKER_00
I did meet a guy while working here, and we ve been going out for a little over a year.
4
SPEAKER_00
I ve worked here for almost two years.
4
SPEAKER_00
And when we first got together, sorry, I m nervous.
4
SPEAKER_00
When we first got together, here at work,
4
SPEAKER_00
which is a terrible idea.
4
SPEAKER_00
Don t ever date anyone you work with ever.
4
SPEAKER_00
Uh, it s a bad idea, but, um, he did, he was doing really, really well here, you know, like he had just gotten a promotion and he was like really proud of himself and the job he did, you know.
4
SPEAKER_00
Um, and since we started dating, it seems like he s gotten, um,
4
SPEAKER_00
you know, like maybe kind of worse than his job or just not happy doing his job that he s doing anymore.
4
SPEAKER_00
Um, and I ve done very well.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like we just, we just got our like evaluation, you know, and I did fairly well.
4
SPEAKER_00
And he like buffed the whole year basically is what they said.
4
SPEAKER_00
Uh, and he d worked here for longer than me.
4
SPEAKER_00
So I feel extremely bad, but you know, and he also kind of like hates on me sometimes when I,
4
SPEAKER_00
when he does see me doing well and it s like very frustrating.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t know what to do, you know?
4
SPEAKER_02
What is this job?
4
SPEAKER_00
Um, I have a, uh, I can t really say cause I find paperwork saying that I wouldn t say, but it s not like as crazy as you think.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s a, it actually, the place I work at sponsors this, um,
4
SPEAKER_00
Your show if that gives you a slight hint you work at a place that sponsors my show Well, it s like one of the ads, you know
4
SPEAKER_02
Oh, okay.
4
SPEAKER_02
Alright, well, I m not gonna say it unless if they re giving both of us a bunch of money.
4
SPEAKER_02
So, I won t guess.
4
SPEAKER_02
But, um... Anyway, uh... Okay, but anyway, so, I mean, so your boyfriend, you... Okay, well, in the text that you sent me, it said you have survivor s guilt.
4
SPEAKER_02
What does that mean?
4
SPEAKER_02
What do you... Did your boyfriend get fired?
4
SPEAKER_00
No, uh, but they ve, like, told him multiple times, like, if you don t fix your attitude, uh, you know, like, they ve written him up and stuff, so...
4
SPEAKER_00
It seems like that s the way that it s headed for him.
4
SPEAKER_00
You know, and they re like, meanwhile, they re telling me like, oh, you know, you should try for a growth opportunity.
4
SPEAKER_00
You should interview for this and interview for that.
4
SPEAKER_02
So Jessica, Jessica, I guess what I don t understand is what does this have to do with you?
4
SPEAKER_00
That I feel guilty and he constantly hates on me when I do good at work.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so it s like,
4
SPEAKER_00
It s frustrating because we re extremely compatible outside of work, I feel, but then when it comes to work, he s just like a fucking hater.
4
SPEAKER_02
You said he, he said he hates on you.
4
SPEAKER_02
How does that manifest?
4
SPEAKER_02
In what way does he hate on you?
4
SPEAKER_02
Does he like, does he denigrate you?
4
SPEAKER_02
Does he like downplay your accomplishments?
4
SPEAKER_00
No, never downplayed my accomplishments.
4
SPEAKER_00
He s always like, he s always, it s just like, uh, like passive aggressive blows.
4
SPEAKER_00
You know what I mean?
4
SPEAKER_00
Like I got a shout out for something the other day and he just became like,
4
SPEAKER_00
Uh, he just like got quiet and like weird about it.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then later in the day he was like, Oh, like, you know, our management team so well.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, uh, huh.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like he just like accuses me of being best friends with them and like being like a suck up or whatever, you know?
4
SPEAKER_02
Um, uh,
4
SPEAKER_02
Okay, so this doesn t really... Look, I don t think this has much to do with the fact that you work with this guy.
4
SPEAKER_02
And also, by the way, if this guy sucks at his job, that s not your fault.
4
SPEAKER_02
You know what I mean?
4
SPEAKER_02
It s his fucking... It s not your fault that this guy sucks at his job.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, regardless of the fact even whether whether you work at the same job or not.
4
SPEAKER_02
It s like if you feel like This guy is like resentful of you for being more successful than he is That s yeah, I mean I would say that that s probably not I will add I will add he works like much closer and
4
SPEAKER_00
to our management than I do.
4
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_02
That doesn t mean anything, though.
4
SPEAKER_02
I don t care about that.
4
SPEAKER_02
This has nothing to do with the fact that you guys work together.
4
SPEAKER_02
He could work at the fucking Arby s, and you could work at the Taco Bell, and that doesn t matter.
4
SPEAKER_02
This is more simple than that.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_02
Is this the question of, in your relationship with this person, do you feel as though
4
SPEAKER_02
He is, is resent, just, it doesn t matter that you work in the same place or not.
4
SPEAKER_02
He s, he s, when you re like excited and happy about things, he s, he s resentful towards you.
4
SPEAKER_00
Right.
4
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
I guess I never really looked at it like that.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like how it would be if we didn t work at the same place and he acted like this, you know, I just, uh, I ve only ever looked at it from the position that we re in, I suppose.
4
SPEAKER_02
You re, you re 22, right?
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_02
How old say?
4
SPEAKER_02
24 all right I feel like I m all right you I mean you want to you want it you want to do some fake therapy let s do some fake therapy yeah I mean doing that it s it s and again you also I don t I don t want to shit too much on this guy or even on the shit on him at all because to be
5
SPEAKER_00
honest you keep mentioning these things that are passive-aggressive and and I don t really feel like I ve gotten a concrete example of anything that he s done that I guess rubs me the wrong way but if that s how you feel you know that s how you feel if if if
5
SPEAKER_00
He s doing this stuff, it s- it s indicative of like, his own... like, insecurity.
5
SPEAKER_00
Which, um... and- and- and security and insec- dealing with insecurity is just something we all gotta fucking do.
5
SPEAKER_00
Whether... um... you know, and if we- so, and that s his cross to bear.
5
SPEAKER_00
You know, and that s, we all deal with insecurity and imposter syndrome and all these things.
5
SPEAKER_00
And so, you know, ideally this guy figures out his own ways of dealing with his insecurity and ways in which he can feel better about himself so that he s not, you know, taking it out on other people.
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SPEAKER_00
That s for his therapy gecko call, but...
5
SPEAKER_00
you know, yeah.
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SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I would agree.
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SPEAKER_02
Um, it definitely comes across to me as like jealousy or insecurity, you know, and I don t know, I guess, uh, like I said, we re like pretty compatible outside of work.
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SPEAKER_02
Like it s all good, you know?
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SPEAKER_02
So I don t know.
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SPEAKER_02
It s like, there s a better way I could be supporting him where he feels like
5
SPEAKER_00
You know, I think he almost feels like I m like... Have you, have you, Jess, have you had a conversation with him about any of this?
5
SPEAKER_02
Multiple.
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SPEAKER_00
Okay, well how do those go?
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SPEAKER_02
He just says, you know, he admits, like, his fault in how he acts about it and he just says that, um, it s a hard situation for him and that, uh... And it is, you know, like I said, he was becoming successful here before I started and I don t... Okay, well how, tell me, how does the conversation go?
5
SPEAKER_02
Um, usually it ll start with like, cause we work fairly like close to one another.
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SPEAKER_02
So it ll start with like him seeing like interactions that I have with our, with our bosses.
5
SPEAKER_02
So, uh, you know, like I said, he makes jabs, so I ll tell him like, Oh yeah, I got, you know, a shout out.
5
SPEAKER_00
Hold on.
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SPEAKER_00
Jess, Jess, Jess, Jess, before you go any further, I just, if you could focus with me for just a second.
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SPEAKER_00
When you say to him, Hey man, I kind of feel like you re jabbing at me anytime I m, you know, telling you about a success at work.
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SPEAKER_00
And I kind of feel like, uh, uh, there s a problem there and I m expressing, I m going to express to you these problems that I have that I ve been expressing on this phone call.
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SPEAKER_00
When you look into his eyes and you say that to him, what does he say?
5
SPEAKER_02
Uh, he says he s sorry.
5
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
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SPEAKER_02
And doesn t fall.
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SPEAKER_00
Okay.
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SPEAKER_00
Is that, is that good enough for you?
5
SPEAKER_02
Um, I mean, it could be if it didn t continue to happen, you know, but it just seems kind of like a, a continuous thing that happens.
5
SPEAKER_02
So it s like, how many times can we have the same conversation about it?
5
SPEAKER_00
Well, I Don t know maybe maybe maybe he needs to get a new job.
5
SPEAKER_00
Maybe you should get Here s what here s what we ll do is he should get and he should get a different job And then that company can also give me money to talk about them on this podcast and that way I win no matter what Yeah
5
SPEAKER_02
I ve told him, you know, like you, you need to, I ve even looked for another job because I wanted to get out of the situation that we ve, we ve gotten into, you know, um, I was unsuccessful in my search, you know, cause I have a good job here and I don t want to give it up for a job that would be less beneficial to me than this one is.
5
SPEAKER_02
So he s talked about him being the one to find a new job.
5
SPEAKER_02
Um,
5
SPEAKER_02
He said things like, oh, I m going to have my resume remade by the weekend and never does.
5
SPEAKER_00
Good.
5
SPEAKER_00
Well, look, I m going to I m going to just leave you with this, Jess.
5
SPEAKER_00
I and I don t like telling people what to do, but I just but I m going to I would highly, highly, highly, highly, highly, highly, highly, highly recommend.
5
SPEAKER_00
that you do not... If you enjoy your job and if you feel good on your own personal level with your levels of accomplishment and everything going on with yourself, I would highly recommend against leaving it behind to make this guy feel better because his insecurity is valid.
5
SPEAKER_00
Insecurity is a valid thing to feel.
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SPEAKER_00
But it s not your responsibility to make
5
SPEAKER_00
to stop achieving in your own life to make this guy feel less insecure.
5
SPEAKER_00
So please don t, you know, please make your decisions with that in mind.
5
SPEAKER_00
Jess, is there anything else you want to say to the people at the computer before we go?
5
SPEAKER_02
No, I just wanted to say I hope you keep doing your podcast because you get me through the work week all the time.
5
SPEAKER_02
So thank you.
5
SPEAKER_02
And it was nice talking to you.
5
SPEAKER_00
Hey, thank you very much, Jess.
5
SPEAKER_00
Have a good one.
5
SPEAKER_02
You too.
5
SPEAKER_00
Have your boyfriend get a fucking job at Taco Bell and that way he can recommend them to sponsor the podcast.
5
SPEAKER_00
Hey, if you re listening to this, anyone, and you know somebody at Taco Bell, let them know.
5
SPEAKER_00
I will, like somebody, let them know that if they want, I will interrupt somebody crying to me about the death of a family member on this podcast to do an ad for a Doritos Locos Tacos.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s how far I m willing to go for them.
5
SPEAKER_00
So I m just throwing that out there.
5
SPEAKER_01
Hello?
5
SPEAKER_00
Hello.
5
SPEAKER_00
Hi.
5
SPEAKER_01
Wow, holy crap, how s it going, Gek?
5
SPEAKER_00
Hi, what is your name?
5
SPEAKER_01
My name is Jess.
5
SPEAKER_00
Jess.
5
SPEAKER_01
Not Jeff.
5
SPEAKER_00
Jess, you said my name is Jess, not Jess.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh, did you mean Jeff?
5
SPEAKER_01
No, my name is Jess, not Jeff.
5
SPEAKER_00
Jess, Jess, what s up, Jess?
5
SPEAKER_00
How s it going?
5
SPEAKER_00
How s life?
5
SPEAKER_01
Life is, remains interesting.
5
SPEAKER_01
Um, well, so, um, wow, okay, sorry, hold on.
5
SPEAKER_01
My my partner called you around Thanksgiving ish.
5
SPEAKER_01
While we weren t together at that moment, his name was Matt.
5
SPEAKER_01
And he was living with his
5
SPEAKER_00
Well, he still is living with his great aunt and he s just been dealing with a lot and wait is it it was was he the guy who he was living with his great aunt and taking care of her and It was kind of having to having difficulties of like, oh, I don t know if You know, I want to go live my own life, but I kind of can t because I have to take care of my aunt Yeah, yeah, I remember him a very lost individual And I kind of wanted I m shaking dude
5
SPEAKER_01
I wanted to thank you because, and I know he would too, and if he s listening to this, he s absolutely shitting his pants.
5
SPEAKER_00
Um, but maybe, maybe, maybe his aunt can, um, maybe that s a good opportunity for his aunt to pay him back.
5
SPEAKER_00
You know, she, he can, uh, she can, uh, clean the shit out of his pants for once.
5
SPEAKER_01
Maybe so that would be, that would be appreciated.
5
SPEAKER_01
I m sure.
5
SPEAKER_01
Um, but like what you said to him, like really got through to him.
5
SPEAKER_01
I don t think you get to hear this very often, but like he,
5
SPEAKER_01
When you said that, like, you just hope that every day he wakes up and this is the choice that he makes.
5
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
He, that really, like, he s really taken that to heart and he s actually really, like, stood up for himself and told, like, his family, like, I can t do this anymore.
5
SPEAKER_01
We need to have a new plan.
5
SPEAKER_01
We need to figure something out because I can t do this.
5
SPEAKER_00
Very cool.
5
SPEAKER_00
Very good.
5
SPEAKER_00
Good, good, good, good.
5
SPEAKER_00
So, wait, so you, you, um,
5
SPEAKER_00
You started dating, did you meet him after I called, after we talked?
5
SPEAKER_01
No, so we, at the time that he called, we, I guess, weren t speaking.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s really weird.
5
SPEAKER_01
We ve been very on and off for the past, I mean, really ever since I moved out.
5
SPEAKER_01
I moved out of the house in August and I ve really been taking steps to build up my life, in a sense.
5
SPEAKER_01
I ve never lived by myself like this.
5
SPEAKER_01
And it s a really huge privilege to do so.
5
SPEAKER_01
So I m really trying not to take it for granted.
5
SPEAKER_01
And so I ve just been doing that.
5
SPEAKER_01
But it s been it s made me very
6
SPEAKER_01
less able to give him the, like, attention that he s needed or, like, meet his needs.
6
SPEAKER_01
So it s just been hard.
6
SPEAKER_01
Um, like, there have, like, and it s not without good reason, though, that, like, I really tried to get out of that house, because we really, like, being, we were cooped up together for three years, um, essentially, like, because of COVID.
6
SPEAKER_01
And, uh,
6
SPEAKER_01
we started being able to go out less and less together.
6
SPEAKER_01
So we re just on top of each other and getting on each other s nerves.
6
SPEAKER_01
And it s just been, it was tough.
6
SPEAKER_00
Um, well, I m glad that, cause I m, I m, well, I m glad that that guy has a girlfriend because, uh, he just sounded like his entire life was, was centered around, uh, taking care of his aunt and, and he wanted to, you know, get out there and, and start developing some form of a life for himself.
6
SPEAKER_00
So I m, I m happy to hear that.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
No, it was so surreal to hear his voice.
6
SPEAKER_01
I mean, he called me on Thanksgiving and told me about the phone call.
6
SPEAKER_01
And so when I got to listen to him on the pod, that was absolutely bananas.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s just so cool.
6
SPEAKER_00
That s very cool.
6
SPEAKER_01
Well, this is doubly cool.
6
SPEAKER_00
Well, tell him I said I m glad that... Tell him I said I m glad he made a life change and I m sorry that it took the therapy gecko to do it.
6
SPEAKER_01
I ll let him know.
6
SPEAKER_01
I ll certainly let him know.
6
SPEAKER_01
So, yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
How are you doing?
6
SPEAKER_01
I don t know if you saw my text, but I am looking for a lizard to haunt my dreams.
6
SPEAKER_01
Would you like to apply?
6
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
6
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
6
SPEAKER_00
I have a lot of dreams to haunt.
6
SPEAKER_00
I might be too busy.
6
SPEAKER_00
First of all, thanks for updating me about your boyfriend.
6
SPEAKER_00
I like a good update.
6
SPEAKER_00
It actually makes me feel very happy that something I said on this stupid podcast caused a positive thing in the universe, so that s cool.
6
SPEAKER_00
Um, is there anything in particular that you wanted to talk about before we go or anything on your brain aside from just this update?
6
SPEAKER_00
If not, it s totally fine, but I thought I d ask.
6
SPEAKER_01
Um, I, you know, I, not that really that I can think of, but I, you know, I m just, I m out here having a good time and
6
SPEAKER_01
I, yeah, just wanted to say hi to you.
6
SPEAKER_01
Thank you to you.
6
SPEAKER_01
Um, and yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
Well, um, thank you, Jess.
6
SPEAKER_00
Uh, I hope that, uh, I gotta stop starting sentences without knowing what the fuck I m going to say at the end of them.
6
SPEAKER_01
Oh, that s so real.
6
SPEAKER_01
That s me all, like, very often.
6
SPEAKER_01
I just kind of see where it goes and hope for the best.
6
SPEAKER_00
But I guess that one, like, I started that, I said, I hope that, and then it s like, well, all I got to do is say something nice.
6
SPEAKER_00
You know, I m not going to say, I hope that your children die.
6
SPEAKER_00
I just gotta say something good.
6
SPEAKER_00
So, it shouldn t have- it should have been easier than it was.
6
SPEAKER_00
It was hard for some reason.
6
SPEAKER_00
So, um, let s do this.
6
SPEAKER_00
I hope you have a good rest of the day.
6
SPEAKER_00
That was easy.
6
SPEAKER_01
Thank you.
6
SPEAKER_01
You too.
6
SPEAKER_00
Have a good one, Jess.
6
SPEAKER_01
You too.
6
SPEAKER_01
Have a good stream.
6
SPEAKER_01
Bye.
6
SPEAKER_01
Taking your phone calls every night.
6
SPEAKER_01
Therapy kit goes to his right.
6
SPEAKER_01
He s teaching you how to live your life.
6
SPEAKER_01
But he s not really an expert.