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People have this arrogance where they re like, if I have to communicate, it s not real.
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In this world, especially because of movies and shows and songs, it s taught us that if we have to explain it, then that person doesn t love you.
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They should be able to mind read and predict and stuff, and then it creates the ingredients for a distant relationship.
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Communicating effectively is essential.
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Welcome to the School of Greatness.
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My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur.
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And each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness.
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Thanks for spending some time with me today.
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Now let the class begin.
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I ve interviewed a lot of people over the last 10 years and typically when someone has a lot of wisdom like yourself.
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they don t get to wisdom because everything was perfect.
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Yeah.
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And everything was happy and safe and comfortable and life was good.
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Yeah.
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There s usually some challenge, trauma, breakdown at some stage of their life.
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You know, if they re, maybe they re in a marriage that went one way, they got divorced and they realized like, oh, there was a pattern that I lived or something happened.
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And so I m going to go down this path because I had this experience.
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Yeah.
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Whether it was a childhood thing or something like that.
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What do you think makes you so wise around these concepts of relationships?
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And also, great context, you re not married, you don t have kids.
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So there s going to be people saying, well, she doesn t, you know, she s speaking about this, but she hasn t really experienced relationship at this level.
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What makes you qualified to have this wisdom with where you re at in your life?
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I don t know if it makes me qualified, but I would say that there has to be a healthy level of trauma to ignite this level of curiosity towards human nature.
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And I think in my particular case, I faced a lot of neglect, particularly from siblings.
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I was very much like the middle child, very much neglected, very much by myself.
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And the thing that was really bizarre for me is I d be such a big personality outside of the home.
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I had so many friends and so many people would gravitate towards me.
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And I would go in my home and my siblings would totally ignore me and act like I don t exist.
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And I would be spending countless amount of time by myself in my bedroom while they would have a great time and I could hear them laughing and joking and stuff.
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And I was automatically kind of in between two worlds.
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And so what would happen is I understood that the reaction I was getting outside of the home was not the same as I m getting in the home.
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And it was causing something in me.
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I remember feeling like I know I m worthy of love because everybody else seems to love me loads.
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but I don t feel worthy of love because the people I want it from don t give it to me.
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So, because I had this kind of dichotomy of, like, self-esteem, I then realized how self-sabotaging I can be and how difficult I can be.
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In so many relationships, when people would be so loving, and even to this day, like, if somebody compliments me, I find it so difficult to accept a compliment, and I start to dislike the person who s complimenting me.
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Really?
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Absolutely.
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So, if I don t want to be your friend, I ll be nice to you?
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Exactly.
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If I don t want to be your friend, be nice to you.
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Exactly.
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The quickest way to get me to dislike you is to give me compliments.
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Really?
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Absolutely.
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All of my closest friends are hypercritical of me and I keep it that way.
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They ll say to me, that looks bad or you look terrible there or you ve gained weight.
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I think honesty and feedback is great.
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It s also a great resource for a friend as opposed to over complimenting something that s not true maybe.
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There s some imbalance in there.
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But there s a strong dislike towards people who compliment me a lot because a part of me believes they re lying to me.
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And it would probably be because at home I never got a single compliment.
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Till this day, I don t think I ve ever had a compliment.
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So I think what happened is my home life and my self-esteem were so separated from my confidence.
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I had loads and loads of confidence but no real self-esteem.
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And I saw how, on the surface, I come across really well put together and really confident, all these things.
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But when you get to know me, especially the way my partner knows me, they see all of these insecurities and all of this pain and all of this thing.
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And it s like, that Saadi I met and the Saadi that is now in love is two different people.
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And me realizing that made me kind of go down this journey of understanding human behavior in a way that I guess requires a bit more empathy than somebody who would have it completely perfect.
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Yes, you ve really researched a lot.
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Yeah, did that do the same for you?
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Absolutely.
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I mean, again, being the youngest of four and kind of feeling like I was always the one left out, right?
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I was a, you know, five, seven, eight-year-old brat, you know, just running around trying to get attention from my older siblings.
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They re off with their friends.
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They don t want anything to do with me.
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I understand.
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I m four years younger than my
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other sibling and then 11 years younger from my brother.
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So they don t hang out with a five or seven year old.
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And they had their own stress, so I don t blame them.
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But I felt very alone my whole childhood until I turned 13 and I left home.
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And I was like, I can t deal with this pain anymore.
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Get me out.
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And that, and I was telling you beforehand, that made me an observer of human beings.
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My whole childhood, because I didn t feel like I belonged or fit in or was accepted, which I think a lot of people feel in some instance in their life, they don t feel like they belong, they fit in, or they re not accepted in some way.
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I felt that until I was 13, really.
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I sat and watched people and I observed people.
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What makes them react a certain way?
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Why are they in this energetic state?
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What makes them, you know, cry?
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What makes them laugh?
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Why are they reacting to this?
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You know, what was it?
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And so I just would watch people all day because no one would hang out with me.
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Right, okay.
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I would watch people at school.
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I d watch people, you know, on the streets.
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I d watch my siblings.
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I would just watch because no one would want to spend time with me.
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Right.
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And that became an incredible skill set of understanding people, of seeing people and having compassion, seeing people and learning how to connect better.
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And it s an ongoing journey and a process.
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You know, that pain for really a decade plus became something that was a superpower in a sense that allowed me to have curiosity.
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Someone like yourself being like, tell me more.
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I want to learn.
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I m fascinated by what you ve experienced, what you ve learned, and why this pain or this challenge affected you to be this way.
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Because I know what affected me to be this way than I am.
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And it actually made me very androgynous.
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The thing is sometimes the comments I get is, oh, you re feminine and stuff.
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But I actually consider myself really, I m not this non-binary, all this stuff.
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But mentally, I think my content tends to be quite gender neutral.
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I kind of talk about men and women quite equally.
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But it was because I was left out from my sisters, girls.
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So what happened is I didn t identify with being a woman.
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And the other thing that is really interesting is when I was the third girl in my culture, Pakistani culture, you want boys.
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So when I was born, my parents were hysterically crying.
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They couldn t believe they had a girl.
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They were crying their eyes out to the point where the nurse came in thinking I stopped breathing.
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And like, we didn t want a girl.
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We really didn t want a girl.
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And so what happened is I grew up with almost like thinking I m not a girl in a way.
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Like I m not one of the girls.
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I m not one of the girls.
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But I am so feminine.
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So what would happen is I would always have more male friends.
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And I d always understand the male brain a bit better than the female brain because I always saw females as like people who don t like me and males would always be really nice to me.
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So I always kind of understood them way better than, and being a woman I understand women, but I got this insight into the male brain that I couldn t have accessed if I wasn t so segregated from my sisters.
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So it actually helped me academically and in this career path, maybe not emotionally, but it definitely helped me in this way.
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Yeah.
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Okay.
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There s a few things I want to talk about there, but something came up for me.
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In a heterosexual relationship, what is it that men really want versus what women really want?
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Based on your experience growing up with men and understanding the male brain and being a woman, what is it that men really want and that women really want?
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And if each opposite knew this, they would have a much better relationship.
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I think for men, the ability to be completely unapologetically themselves and have their needs predicted.
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is something they can t do anywhere else in the world.
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What I mean by that is for women, my best friend, for example, she ll know when I m feeling low and she might get me a chocolate.
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Or my other best friends, I know I can call her when I m stressed, sad, whatever it is.
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I can outsource this ability to have my needs met and without saying a word, because women tend to be quite emotionally intelligent, and I have the ability to be myself, vulnerable, happy, sad, whatever it is.
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For men in the real world, they have to be a man.
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They have to wear a bit of a mask.
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So they have to look like they ve got it put together.
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They have to look like they re in control.
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They have to look, they have to look, they have to look.
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So if they can go home where they can take the mask off and still be loved and appreciated, that an appreciation for them isn t just a quick thank you.
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It s also like, I know you re tired.
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I know you re hungry.
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I know you need to get up early.
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So I m just turning the, I m putting the kids to bed.
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I m just turning the volume off.
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I know you need to get to bed.
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That is a form of appreciation for them.
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So I think if they have a woman or an environment where they can take the mask off and they
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needs can be predicted.
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It s something that they think they can only dream of.
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They don t know that that actually exists for them.
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Would you agree?
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Or do you like, what do you think from your perspective as a man?
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I mean, I think I can speak from my perspective and maybe like male friends that I talk to who are
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Um, you know, business owners who have, you know, multiple responsibilities beyond themselves, um, and they have lots of employees or something like that, or a brand or something, is that there is a weight.
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There is a weight that these men feel and that I feel at times.
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And I m not saying, oh, woe is me, I have a weight or something.
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It s just you ve got to show up responsible for people more than just yourself.
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You ve got to show up and deliver, not once in a while, but every single day.
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And I welcome the responsibility.
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I m blessed to have the opportunity and the responsibility to have a vessel physically and emotionally and mentally and spiritually to carry the weight that...
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You know has been given provided for me.
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I m blessed and that s why I train myself physically spiritually mentally emotionally To take it on where it feels light.
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Yeah, so it doesn t weigh me down but that doesn t mean there aren t days when it isn t challenging and
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just wanting to be able to go and relax and feel peace at home is the highest currency.
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Feeling accepted and having a sense of peace.
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Yeah, and what would that look like for you?
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I mean, I get it almost every night, so I feel blessed, right?
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And that s why I feel even more peace because of that.
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Why I m blessed is because I know the complete opposite of it.
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I know being here, and I m not blaming anyone.
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It s just I know what it felt like to not feel that.
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And it feels more weight is piled on top of you.
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And I m not saying it s the woman s responsibility or this and this.
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It s really just, I didn t choose correctly and that s okay.
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And I didn t communicate the right way and I had healing to do and all sorts of stuff.
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I think peace is definitely created.
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I know a lot of men say they want peace, but usually the men that are like, ah, dying for peace and can t find it is either they ve chosen super chaotic, but they might be engaging behaviors that are also not conducive to peace.
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They don t have self-control.
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They don t have self-control.
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They re coming home late.
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They re drinking too much.
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They re watching pornography.
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and then they scream at their wife, like, why can t you give me peace?
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But honestly, when you meet a man who selects wisely and has self-control, peace is an inevitable outcome.
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He doesn t have to ask for it.
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So I m hearing you say like a man that can have someone meet their predictable needs, correct?
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As a form of appreciation.
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As a form of appreciation, which there might be women saying, well, how am I going to predict when he can t predict what I want?
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When he s not reading my mind, when he s not, you know, there for me when I tell him everything s fine, but I have actually have an attitude and I m not showing that everything s fine.
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How am I supposed to predict and be there for him if he can t do that for me?
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Because you have to ask yourself, do I like that he doesn t do that for me?
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Do I like that experience of him not seeing it, not doing it, so and so?
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If I don t like it, then surely why would I create that also?
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Why would I emulate a behavior I dislike?
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So perhaps you can role model the behavior you like and also manage your expectations.
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What I mean by this is when somebody isn t predicting your needs, men and women, or isn t doing it, is it deliberate?
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Is it that, oh, I m not going to do it for you?
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Or is it a case of, oh, I didn t know.
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Let me help.
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So the reality is, are you communicating it before you get angry?
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And communicating early on.
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Not after you re married and saying, this is what I need.
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But actually communicating early on.
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This is something that I did differently instead of Martha.
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We communicated early on.
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This is what I m going to need now.
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This is what I m going to need in the future.
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It s not like these crazy needs.
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It s just like, this is,
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To be in a committed relationship, to commit and be all in and be giving and of service and thinking about a future together, here s what I m going to need.
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And here s what I m willing to do, here s what I m not willing to do.
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And it s so wild because if any job description, anything like that, we d want to know exactly what to do in order to get promoted or whatever it is.
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And it doesn t mean it s not going to grow and evolve and there s going to be, you know, flexibility, but it s like at least communicate the basic needs.
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But people have this arrogance where they re like, if I have to communicate, it s not real because they watch too many movies.
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Yeah.
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So what s happening, especially in Western culture, in any other culture, in any other period of time,
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It s like, of course you tell people what you want.
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How else are they going to know?
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But in this world, especially because of movies and shows and songs, it s taught us that if we have to explain it, then that person doesn t love you.
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They should be able to mind read and predict and stuff, and then it creates the ingredients for a distant relationship emotionally.
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So I think communicating effectively is essential.
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So what is it that if a man truly knew what a woman wanted, they would have a happier, healthier relationship?
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It s difficult because it all depends on, if you ve chosen a woman who s healed and not so chaotic, essentially what they want is to be protected in a way that nobody else can.
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And what I mean by protected, it can be financial, emotional, whatever it is.
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But it s a way, if I m protecting my woman emotionally, I m not engaging in behaviors that will humiliate or hurt her.
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If I m protecting her financially, it means I m giving her my best.
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Doesn t mean I m giving her everything, but the best I can do.
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If I m a taxi driver, I m covering what I can cover.
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But if I m somebody who s frugal with her, she will always feel like she s more powerful than you.
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And whenever she feels like he s not protecting, she feels more powerful and then she becomes disrespectful.
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But when she has a man that s protective of her, both her safety, her emotions, her finances, she then allows him to take control.
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And whenever we feel more powerful than a man, we feel unsafe.
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And that unsafety makes us disrespect him and then look for other men.
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It s almost evolved.
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So therefore, if it can protect us in those ways, we remain feeling safe.
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So it s essential.
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So what s the number one thing that makes women feel unsafe from the man they re with?
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I would say that showing a complete disregard for her emotional well-being, and that doesn t have to be sleeping, it doesn t have to go that far to sleeping with other women.
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It might be as simple as not replying to her messages or, you know, behaving online, like liking it.
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I know it sounds so bizarre, but you ll be so surprised at how unsafe a woman can feel simply by watching
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whose pictures he s liking and commenting and saving.
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It s such a simple thing from a man.
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But from a woman s perspective, it almost ignites her fight-or-flight response.
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Is that weird to a man?
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Or does it more for insecure women?
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I think to a conscious man, it makes sense that you re like, okay, would I like her doing this?
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Maybe you wouldn t, but maybe it wouldn t matter.
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For me, it doesn t really matter what she does, to be honest.
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Because you ve established that trust.
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Yeah.
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And if we haven t created an agreement on something, then she s gonna do what she wants to do.
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And then I would just acknowledge and say, hey, I don t really like this.
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Can we make an agreement on this?
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And we ll figure out what that is.
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And then, cool, we ve created a new dynamic.
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But I also just feel confident with who I am.
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And so if she s off doing something, which she never has, and I don t think she would ever do it, but if she s off doing something,
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And I would find out eventually and I d say, okay, well, that s unfortunate, but I guess this isn t the right fit or we need to figure out how to mend this or I ll be okay.
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If you want to go live this life, that s fine.
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It s just not going to be with me.
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It s like, all right, it s sad.
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It s unfortunate.
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It s
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That s a healthy way to see it because a lot of people think addiction is a testament to how much you love someone.
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The fact that you can t let them go must mean you really love them.
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But actually it means that you haven t established healthy boundaries and you don t have any self-esteem.
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Yeah, but there s also probably like certain things that Martha...
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may want to do that I want to do myself, and maybe it s not like the highest value that I would have or with my time or my energy or whatever, but it s who she is.
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It s unique to her, so I m going to accept her for who she is.
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And I ve chosen to accept her.
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That s why when I got committed to her, right before we committed, I said, listen, is there anything else I need to know about you?
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Because I felt like I asked her as much as I could in a few months period, right?
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And I got to meet her family and travel and do all these things you get to experience together that could cause upset or different things come out.
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So I feel like I got to know at least a good amount in a short period of time.
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I said to her, as long as this is who you are and who you re going to continue to be, there s nothing that upsets me.
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Oh, there s no deal breakers.
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Well, I was just like, I m gonna accept who you are.
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You know, where there s some men that are like, okay, you were a model or whatever.
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You did something and now I don t want you to do that anymore.
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Now that we re together, you can t do this thing anymore.
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Martha s an actress.
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So she s done, I don t know, 40 different movies.
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She s kissed men in movies.
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She s done the different intimate scenes.
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I know that.
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And therefore, I had to ask myself, do I accept this if she continues being who she is?
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Yeah, exactly.
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And I had to say, OK, I m OK with that.
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As opposed to, you can t do this anymore.
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You have to change to fit into my world.
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But that s the difference between insecure and boundaries.
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Because here s the thing, a lot of men, they ll say, no, I m not being insecure, I m just setting boundaries.
2
SPEAKER_01
But you are being insecure, because here s the difference between insecure and boundaries.
2
SPEAKER_01
A secure man will see what you have to offer, like read the menu, and decide if he will stay or leave.
2
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
2
SPEAKER_01
An insecure man will say, you need to do this, you need to do this, rather than just saying, you are who you are, I m going to have to leave.
2
SPEAKER_00
You re not right for me.
2
SPEAKER_01
You re not right for me.
2
SPEAKER_00
Why do we try to change people from who they are to fit our world?
2
SPEAKER_01
Because we re too insecure to walk away.
2
SPEAKER_01
When we develop the willingness to walk away, we actually love people for who they are.
2
SPEAKER_01
You know what, you re always out in the club all day every day and you actually like that you re really lively and extrovert, but it doesn t work for me.
2
SPEAKER_01
But when I m insecure, it s like, please be something else because I can t walk away from this.
2
SPEAKER_01
I can t find anybody else.
2
SPEAKER_01
So I m always holding them by the throat, begging them to be a better person, because I don t have the strength to know when to walk away.
2
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
2
SPEAKER_01
So that s when we force people.
2
SPEAKER_00
I ve been both of those in the past.
2
SPEAKER_01
I ve been, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
And it s so much nicer when you can become the person that just says, it s OK, you can be you.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, we don t need to be the other.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s OK.
2
SPEAKER_01
And there s other humans in the world.
2
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
2
SPEAKER_01
So you can keep it moving.
2
SPEAKER_01
And that s what the boundary is between secure and insecure, man or woman.
2
SPEAKER_01
And waiting for them to change is just waiting for the divorce.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh my gosh.
2
SPEAKER_00
When women think that a man will change in the future, like he s got so much potential, he s so great here and here, and oh, I love his family so much, they ve welcomed me in, but there s these two or three things that I just, man, maybe one day it ll change.
2
SPEAKER_00
What typically happens in that relationship?
2
SPEAKER_01
They fall in love with their imagination.
2
SPEAKER_01
And when reality strikes, and unfortunately reality strikes, at some point reality strikes, when we fall in love with our imagination, which we re very capable of doing, particularly if we re being traumatized.
2
SPEAKER_01
One thing with traumatized people is that their imagination and reality can get blurred.
2
SPEAKER_01
When we fall in love with our imagination, unfortunately, life will keep testing you and reality testing will keep occurring until you re forced to face the person they truly are.
2
SPEAKER_01
And it s usually kids or 10 years later or something like that.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then they ll say, they ll act like, you know, I didn t know he was like this.
2
SPEAKER_01
He came out of nowhere.
2
SPEAKER_01
How can he s like this?
2
SPEAKER_01
But really, they showed you who they were from day one.
2
SPEAKER_01
They always showed you.
2
SPEAKER_01
You fell in love with your imagination and now you re angry that your imagination is not reality based.
2
SPEAKER_01
So, unfortunately, it doesn t end well.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s better to just accept the person for who they are, flaws and all, than to live in the illusion that they re going to change.
2
SPEAKER_00
Before you marry and get committed at that level.
2
SPEAKER_00
Absolutely.
2
SPEAKER_00
From the women that I ve talked to who have been married and divorced, I always like to ask this question.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
did you know before you got married that it probably wasn t the right person?
2
SPEAKER_00
Like somewhere inside you knew, or maybe you actually knew, but you just were too far along and you went through with it thinking you would change.
2
SPEAKER_00
Probably 95% of them said, yes, I knew.
2
SPEAKER_00
I knew the day I got married, I knew the week before, I knew afterwards, but I would try to make it work anyways.
2
SPEAKER_00
Why do you think so many women get married knowing it s the wrong man?
2
SPEAKER_01
I think what happens is the biological pressure to become something we can t escape.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I think no matter how many holidays we can kid ourselves with and how many career opportunities and how many alternatives, there s a biological thing that kicks in with women, late 20s even.
2
SPEAKER_01
It doesn t have to wait till people think it happens really.
2
SPEAKER_01
It doesn t.
2
SPEAKER_01
It happens quite early on where they start to think that they need to know what the future will look like.
2
SPEAKER_01
to ease their anxiety, even if they re not going to have kids today, to ease their anxiety that they will become a mother, they just want to settle down.
2
SPEAKER_01
They just want to get ticked that box.
2
SPEAKER_01
And in the process of kind of submitting to the evolutionary pressures and societal pressures, they overlook the red flag.
2
SPEAKER_01
And sometimes it s not the man that s the issue.
2
SPEAKER_01
They knew themselves that they re not ready for marriage.
2
SPEAKER_01
They know themselves they re not very good at conflict or they know they know themselves they re still attached to an ex.
2
SPEAKER_01
But the pressure to settle down that they apply on themselves and their body kind of calls for causes them to walk down the aisle knowing what the result will be.
2
SPEAKER_01
Do men have that too?
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t ask men that question as much.
2
SPEAKER_01
What I ve found with men is they can sometimes know that they re not marrying the right person, but usually because these men, they tend to be okay with accepting the monotony of marriage.
2
SPEAKER_01
Those men that walk down the aisle knowing it s not the right person, they tend to be like, it s not the right person, but I m okay with settling down and I accept the bland reality of marriage.
2
SPEAKER_01
They ve succumbed to it.
2
SPEAKER_01
But with women who know, they will eventually go and ask for the divorce.
2
SPEAKER_01
Men are happy to stay married, even if they re not madly in love or not madly happy, if they re that kind of guy.
2
SPEAKER_00
Who files for a divorce more, men or women?
2
SPEAKER_01
Women, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
Why is that?
2
SPEAKER_01
A lot of the time it s a cry for help.
2
SPEAKER_01
There s been so many times where women say to me, it s like, oh, I told him I wanted a divorce, but hoping he d come back for me, but he let me pack my bags.
2
SPEAKER_01
And so sometimes they file for divorce or take it that far as a way of testing their partner.
2
SPEAKER_01
And if they re with quite a healthy partner, they ll take your word and gospel, and they think you mean it.
2
SPEAKER_00
Why do so many women try to test their men constantly?
2
SPEAKER_01
It s an evolutionary thing.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s an evolutionary thing because here s the reality.
2
SPEAKER_01
We are designed to have children with men and childbirth is potentially fatal.
2
SPEAKER_01
We die from childbirth if we were left in, you know, our natural habitat.
2
SPEAKER_01
So to put that risk onto a relationship, he better be able to endure all types of storms.
2
SPEAKER_01
So we have to test them.
2
SPEAKER_01
So we have to, unfortunately, test them.
2
SPEAKER_01
We have to test, are they going to be faithful?
2
SPEAKER_01
Are they going to be financially stable?
2
SPEAKER_01
Are they going to be able to have their own boundaries?
2
SPEAKER_01
We push, we push, we push.
2
SPEAKER_01
Now, the problem is, unfortunately for men, is when we push you and you succumb to us, you automatically lose us.
2
SPEAKER_01
What we re saying when we re pushing you is really make sure you don t give in to this because if you do, then I know you re not strong enough.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God.
2
SPEAKER_00
Give me an example.
2
SPEAKER_00
What s a common example?
2
SPEAKER_01
It might be something like I push a man to say, I m going to come home when I want.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m going to come home and do what I want with the girls wherever.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m going to come on girls trips.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m going to do whatever I want.
2
SPEAKER_01
Push you, push you, push you.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then when you actually give in and say, okay, essentially she feels like she s not being protected.
2
SPEAKER_01
So she feels like nobody s governing her.
2
SPEAKER_00
You don t have a spine.
2
SPEAKER_01
You re not responding.
2
SPEAKER_01
You re not responsible.
2
SPEAKER_01
Or she might say, I m talking to my ex-boyfriend, and you say, I don t feel comfortable with that.
2
SPEAKER_01
She ll be like, no, you have to, I have to, I have to.
2
SPEAKER_01
Fine, he accepts it.
2
SPEAKER_01
Essentially, she s saying that you don t mind cacaudry.
2
SPEAKER_01
You don t mind if I have an affair.
2
SPEAKER_01
Bye.
2
SPEAKER_01
So essentially, what we re begging for sometimes is the boundary, not the kind of, we re not looking for you to bow down.
2
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
2
SPEAKER_01
So hard for men to figure that out.
2
SPEAKER_01
I feel so bad for men.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s like reverse psychology all the time, unfortunately.
2
SPEAKER_00
Outside of people who are divorced and are responsible for communicating with their exes to co-parent.
2
SPEAKER_01
To co-parent, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
Do you think it s possible for a man or a woman to speak to an ex-partner as a friend while they re in a new relationship and not be an issue?
2
SPEAKER_01
I think it s definitely possible, but it s not necessarily respectful.
2
SPEAKER_01
Here s the thing, it s definitely possible.
2
SPEAKER_01
Two people can move past it and they re not into each other and whatever it is, but it s not respectful to your new connection.
2
SPEAKER_01
So you have to choose whether just because I have the ability to have a very platonic relationship with an ex doesn t mean I should have the willingness to do it if it disrespects my current relationship or my current partner.
2
SPEAKER_01
If your partner s okay with it, maybe that s different, but I just think you should be self-regulated enough
2
SPEAKER_01
to know where your values are based.
2
SPEAKER_01
And when you enter a relationship, a part of that should be to respect it enough to let go of relationships that don t serve the new relationship in a way that s going to be constructive.
2
SPEAKER_00
What do you think?
2
SPEAKER_00
I think that s right.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I was going to ask you, do you think a man or a woman who is not liking if their partner is speaking to their ex-relationship
2
SPEAKER_00
Does that mean they are jealous and insecure or actually they have self-esteem?
2
SPEAKER_01
I think it s an element of boundaries.
2
SPEAKER_01
I think it s just a case of I think we naturally desire partners who are self-regulated.
2
SPEAKER_01
We naturally want a partner that says, oh, I m in a relationship now.
2
SPEAKER_01
I love you and I care for you, but I m in a relationship and I don t want it to affect my new partner.
2
SPEAKER_01
So we naturally want somebody who has that.
2
SPEAKER_01
Now if we are asking for them to have that, and it doesn t necessarily mean insecurity, it just means that you prioritize the relationship over other relationships that should really be a priority.
2
SPEAKER_01
And a former relationship, outside of children, with children it s really important, and it s really important to have a healthy relationship.
2
SPEAKER_01
But outside of children, it doesn t mean, it have just triggered jealousy, but it would be nice if your partner respected things without you having to embrace them.
2
SPEAKER_00
Sure, sure.
2
SPEAKER_01
Would you be okay with somebody speaking to an ex or?
2
SPEAKER_00
I wouldn t like it.
2
SPEAKER_00
It doesn t mean I would feel like, okay, you spoke to your ex, like why?
2
SPEAKER_00
I would say, why do you need to?
2
SPEAKER_01
It doesn t mean they re going to have an affair.
2
SPEAKER_00
I wouldn t be insecure about it.
2
SPEAKER_00
I d be like, talk to whoever you want to.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s not going to make me insecure as a human because if you want to be with your ex, then go be with them.
2
SPEAKER_00
Don t be with me.
2
SPEAKER_00
But I would just be like, why is
3
SPEAKER_00
is necessary.
3
SPEAKER_00
So if they had kids together, that s the only thing that would make sense.
3
SPEAKER_00
But if you just want to hang out and talk to them while you re out, that doesn t work for me.
3
SPEAKER_01
It doesn t make any sense.
3
SPEAKER_00
It doesn t work for me.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I just wouldn t understand it.
3
SPEAKER_01
And it s not necessary.
3
SPEAKER_01
If things are necessary, it makes total sense.
3
SPEAKER_01
But it s not necessary.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s what I would say to that as well.
3
SPEAKER_00
I wanted to ask you a question about self-control and self-esteem.
3
SPEAKER_00
On a scale of one to 10 for you personally, 10 being high and one being low, where are you on self-control and personal self-esteem?
3
SPEAKER_01
I would say about a six.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m not as high as I would like to be.
3
SPEAKER_00
On what, self-control?
3
SPEAKER_01
Self-control.
3
SPEAKER_01
I never drink and I don t overeat and I go to the gym and stuff like that.
3
SPEAKER_01
But here s the thing, my self-control goes out the window when I m angry.
3
SPEAKER_01
I hit him, this is the thing.
3
SPEAKER_00
What happens when you re angry?
3
SPEAKER_00
When you re triggered and the lion ass comes out, what happens?
3
SPEAKER_01
I m mean.
3
SPEAKER_01
And so the thing is, I pray five times, I ll fast in Ramadan, I don t really swear, I don t watch pornography, all of these things are great.
3
SPEAKER_01
But the thing is, those are really self, like what I do for myself.
3
SPEAKER_01
But when I get angry, I hurt the people I love the most.
3
SPEAKER_01
And therefore, I can t say my self-esteem, my self-control is high.
3
SPEAKER_01
And as a result, I can t say my self-esteem is high because nothing hurts me more than hurting the people I love.
3
SPEAKER_01
So it s almost like a paradox.
3
SPEAKER_01
But because of my temper, it s gotten better.
3
SPEAKER_01
It gets better.
3
SPEAKER_01
I think I m just seeing lost energy over the years.
3
SPEAKER_01
But when you hurt people because you can t control your tongue,
3
SPEAKER_01
you go back feeling loads of shame and guilt.
3
SPEAKER_00
Afterwards, you feel bad the next day.
3
SPEAKER_00
Absolutely.
3
SPEAKER_01
Whereas when you hold your tongue, there s no shame and guilt.
3
SPEAKER_01
Zero.
3
SPEAKER_01
So even on a spiritual level, on a religious level, on an emotional level, when you can t control your tongue, what good is it that you can get to the gym at 5 a.m.?
3
SPEAKER_01
What good is it that you can avoid carbs for a week if you re hurting people with your tongue?
3
SPEAKER_01
And especially when, this is the problem, when you re like a bit of a, you know, speaker and a, you know, eloquent speaker or whatever it is,
3
SPEAKER_01
you re equally eloquent when you re being horrible.
3
SPEAKER_00
It hurts even more.
3
SPEAKER_01
Even more because you rationalize it.
3
SPEAKER_00
Because you re smart and witty.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s so awful.
3
SPEAKER_00
So, okay, you said seven on self-control.
3
SPEAKER_00
Six or seven.
3
SPEAKER_01
Six or seven because of my temper.
3
SPEAKER_00
And self-esteem, where are you?
3
SPEAKER_01
I would say six as well.
3
SPEAKER_01
Six or seven.
3
SPEAKER_00
And is it different with your self-esteem in your career versus relationships?
3
SPEAKER_01
I derive no self-esteem from my career.
3
SPEAKER_00
Zero.
3
SPEAKER_00
You have no self-esteem?
3
SPEAKER_00
Zero.
3
SPEAKER_00
Come on.
3
SPEAKER_01
Isn t that weird?
3
SPEAKER_00
You wouldn t be able to create content consistently if you had zero self-esteem.
3
SPEAKER_00
I do.
3
SPEAKER_00
So you have to have some self-esteem.
3
SPEAKER_01
Confidence.
3
SPEAKER_01
Here s what I do have.
3
SPEAKER_00
You have confidence?
3
SPEAKER_00
I have confidence but not self-esteem.
3
SPEAKER_00
What s the difference between the two?
3
SPEAKER_01
Confidence is my ability to get the job done.
3
SPEAKER_01
I can release a good video.
3
SPEAKER_01
I know that.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I can speak well on a podcast.
3
SPEAKER_01
I know that.
3
SPEAKER_01
Whatever it is.
3
SPEAKER_01
Self-esteem is do I deserve this level of accolade and notoriety?
3
SPEAKER_01
Really?
3
SPEAKER_01
In my head, no, not really.
3
SPEAKER_01
In my head, it s just like, do I deserve this level of, like, because I always say, and I feel bad about this, you know some people are like manifesting this for years, and they ve got a team, and they ve had a vision board, and they ve hired somebody.
3
SPEAKER_01
I never thought about being on social media.
3
SPEAKER_01
I have a bunch of spelling errors in every post because I don t even proofread.
3
SPEAKER_01
I literally post while I m on the treadmill.
3
SPEAKER_01
I take zero pride or energy, and it just, praise be to God, just happens to land well.
3
SPEAKER_01
So my confidence is through the roof.
3
SPEAKER_01
I can do it all day, any day.
3
SPEAKER_01
I know that.
3
SPEAKER_01
Self-esteem-wise, there s always an element, and this is why I have the imposter syndrome.
3
SPEAKER_01
This is why I was so nervous when I met you.
3
SPEAKER_01
I was like shaking.
3
SPEAKER_01
I was like, oh, because I m confident, but I don t know if I deserve to be here with you.
3
SPEAKER_01
So that s where my self-esteem, for some reason, doesn t seem to catch up with my confidence.
3
SPEAKER_01
Not yet, anyway.
3
SPEAKER_00
How do you have confidence in putting something out
3
SPEAKER_00
If you know people are going to see it though, you know when you know people are going to see it and they re going to comment on it and they re going to give critique, good or bad, how do you have the confidence to put it out there if you lack the self-esteem to receive whatever comes from back?
3
SPEAKER_01
I think it s just growing up as a punching bag that you re always prepared for negativity.
3
SPEAKER_01
I think that s what it did, it created me such a thick skin that it s not that I m posting because I think I m so great, it s I m posting because I can handle the hate.
3
SPEAKER_01
And weirdly, I get so much hate and not weirdly, understandably, I get so much hate.
3
SPEAKER_01
And considering I m relatively like, I m not out here like trying to like kill your dog.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m just a tutor.
3
SPEAKER_01
But I get such a disproportionate amount of hate for considering my line of work.
3
SPEAKER_01
And it s because it s all I m almost ready for it.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I m almost ready for that because I ve always received a lot of criticism and a lot of hate.
3
SPEAKER_01
not just with sisters, just in general with women in general throughout my life.
3
SPEAKER_01
So because I ve always received that, I have the confidence.
3
SPEAKER_01
Because here s the thing, confidence isn t necessarily how great you think you are at something, it s your ability to accept the rejection.
3
SPEAKER_01
So because I have zero concern that you re going to be offended or you re going to be hurt,
3
SPEAKER_01
or you re gonna upset me, that s what pushes me to do it.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, it s okay for me.
3
SPEAKER_01
So it s a bit like if I cook something and you didn t love it, I m okay with that.
3
SPEAKER_01
That makes me confident.
3
SPEAKER_01
Not just because of the positive, but I can accept the worst case scenario.
3
SPEAKER_01
Because I can accept worst case scenario or the hate, or this, that, and the other, that s why I have confidence.
3
SPEAKER_01
But self-esteem doesn t really come from that.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s like you can accept the worst case scenario, but you can t accept the best case.
3
SPEAKER_01
Absolutely not.
3
SPEAKER_01
Is that so weird?
3
SPEAKER_00
But you have the confidence to put out stuff consistently.
3
SPEAKER_01
Such a weirdo.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s an interesting dynamic.
3
SPEAKER_01
Such a weirdo, right?
3
SPEAKER_01
None of it makes sense.
3
SPEAKER_00
Sadia, what would life be like if you were able to receive all the positive abundance that comes your way?
3
SPEAKER_00
Love, affirmations, generosity, kindness, compliments.
3
SPEAKER_00
What would life feel like if you could truly receive it?
3
SPEAKER_01
I would sleep better.
3
SPEAKER_01
I think that s the main thing.
3
SPEAKER_01
I would sleep a lot better.
3
SPEAKER_01
I think I constantly have like micro-awakenings because I m very good at kind of brushing away the anxiety, but your body keeps score of everything.
3
SPEAKER_01
And the amount, the way I kind of sleep is always a signal that you re not at peace and you haven t accepted the love that s ever been directed towards you.
3
SPEAKER_01
You almost push it away and you home in on the negative and you sabotage the love in some way, shape or form.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I think if I accepted it in the right way, I would sleep a lot better.
3
SPEAKER_00
How do you sleep right now?
3
SPEAKER_01
Terribly.
3
SPEAKER_01
I love it in L.A.
3
SPEAKER_01
because I ve got jet lag.
3
SPEAKER_01
So for some reason I m asleep at 8 p.m.
3
SPEAKER_01
and waking up at 4 a.m.
3
SPEAKER_01
But in the real world, I have to numb myself into sleep.
3
SPEAKER_01
So I have to watch something that will distract me from my thoughts.
3
SPEAKER_01
I can t be alone with myself.
3
SPEAKER_01
So I have to keep noise on.
3
SPEAKER_01
I have to watch something.
3
SPEAKER_01
I have to distract and trick myself into falling asleep.
3
SPEAKER_01
But just a gentle rest will never come to me.
3
SPEAKER_01
Isn t that weird?
3
SPEAKER_00
How do you sleep?
3
SPEAKER_00
It s not weird because for 30 years I couldn t sleep.
3
SPEAKER_01
What did you do instead?
3
SPEAKER_00
And I think it s a trauma response to feeling like something s going to happen.
3
SPEAKER_00
Unsafe.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, unsafe.
3
SPEAKER_01
They did a study.
3
SPEAKER_00
I used to wake up in the middle of the night screaming, crying at the top of my lungs until my mom would come in.
3
SPEAKER_00
Probably until I was like 9 or 10.
3
SPEAKER_01
And what was it?
3
SPEAKER_01
Dreams?
3
SPEAKER_01
Or like that would make you like...
3
SPEAKER_00
I think my nervous system was so on high alert from not feeling emotionally safe or physically safe in some ways.
3
SPEAKER_00
Not necessarily because I felt like my parents were to do something to me, but I just didn t.
3
SPEAKER_00
When you re emotionally unsafe, you typically are physically feel, your body feels unsafe.
3
SPEAKER_01
You can t trick it.
3
SPEAKER_00
You know, I m like, okay, I m not worried about what s around my surroundings.
3
SPEAKER_00
You re always kind of like looking around and being like, what is that?
3
SPEAKER_00
What is that?
3
SPEAKER_00
You know?
3
SPEAKER_00
And so it would take me a while to go to sleep, an hour and a half a night.
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I would lay there and try to sleep.
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I couldn t do it.
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And I would just be ruminating on my thoughts, fears, insecurities, doubts, traumas.
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And I would just wake up screaming.
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Wow, how old were you when that happened?
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Yeah, from five to probably nine or ten.
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So big enough to like not be screaming?
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Yeah, it was like I was two.
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And I still wasn t able to sleep until I hit 30.
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Wow.
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I mean, I could sleep, but it would take me an hour.
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Your body would be exhausted, but your mind wouldn t.
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And I would stay up super late because I just couldn t sleep and I was worried.
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And so I had a lot of anxiety, anxious thoughts.
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And I started to sleep better when I started to heal the biggest traumas from the past.
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And then I started to sleep in five minutes.
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Amazing.
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I was like, wow.
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Nice, right?
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Yeah, but it was, you know... But that s an evolutionary thing because we used to sleep in like hunter-gatherer times where there d be predators and stuff.
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Only when we feel safe could we sleep well and they did studies on the Amish community.
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Johan Hari writes about this where, because they re collectivists and they all work together and they re all one group,
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they literally sleep, like constantly in deep sleep, so they get a full sleep because they know they re so protected.
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Whereas in Western cultures where people are isolated, they sleep, they have the highest rates of insomnia.
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Yeah, so it s actually biological.
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Being from Ohio, I ve, you know, Amish country is in Ohio.
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Oh, really?
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There s Amish communities in there.
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Oh, I didn t know that.
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They re throughout the Midwest, but I ve
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you know, you drive through Ohio and you ll see different Amish communities where it s literally, they re driving around in horse and carriage.
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Wow.
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They don t use electricity.
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They don t use certain tools.
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It s like hammer and saw.
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Oh, wow.
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And simple clothes, you know, work on a farm and they re usually selling something, you know.
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And they seem well connected.
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watch it, it s kind of like, it s fascinating.
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It looks like you re going back in time 100 years.
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And I have a lot of respect for the Amish community, for the community that they work together, they share together, they give together, and they re all working together.
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They re doing something physical.
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The kids are out and they re doing something, but they re around the parents close by, at least from my observation.
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And I can imagine if you re outside, in nature, working hard all day long, you re going to pass out.
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Of course.
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And so much trust, you re okay, your identity is so spread along the whole community that you re getting, the Jewish community do this really well as well.
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Yeah, they share responsibility to children and they like raise each other, so they have this ability to not rely on their own kind of a compliment to determine their self esteem.
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As long as the group is good, they feel good, so you spread it out and therefore it s very difficult to have an identity crisis because it s not all about you.
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Isn t that amazing?
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It s very hard to be bored, it s very hard to be...
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Hard to feel depressed, hard to feel lonely, hard to feel all the things that are actually quite toxic and they create a buffer for it.
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Yeah, it s amazing.
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Do you think, how many people in relationships do you feel like they feel alone in the relationship?
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I would say, particularly in the cultures where we live now, I think the majority of them feel alone.
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And the reason being is, and Esaproa really highlights this well, is that we ve got all of our needs, like our social, emotional, cognitive, all of this, we re putting it all on one person.
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And when they can t fill all those needs, we start to feel alone.
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Whereas before, we would have a community which spread all of those needs across different people.
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And as a result, we wouldn t blame our partner for our lonely kind of experiences.
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So I think, and I notice this particularly with housewives in Western communities, what happens with housewives is because they re feeling under, kind of, they haven t fulfilled their potential completely in their mind, I m not saying that they haven t, but in their mind, they feel lonely.
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they feel super lonely because they always feel like they re a slave to the child for the first couple of years.
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And whereas before in our mom s generation, in their generations, there d be so many other moms, there d be so many stay-at-home moms, so many aunts, uncle, everybody would be close by, that child-rearing wasn t so difficult.
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Now you have to do it totally alone.
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So they end up finding it really difficult and they feel really lonely and they resent their husband as a result.
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Because if you just share it with somebody and he s usually gone to work or done something, so they end up resenting, causes a lot of rift.
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Why do you think new moms like to do it alone versus do it with support?
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Parenting.
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Because we ve created individualistic societies, what s happened is we don t trust people anymore.
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We see people as predators.
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Whereas in other societies, they literally share breastfeeding.
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They re like, give me your baby, put it on there.
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And they do stuff like that.
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They raise them, they pay for them, they do everything.
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So we ve always created a fear of connection.
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with a fear of sharing responsibility and understandably because the world s a bit of a messy place so because what happens is they want to take sole responsibility but then they re overburdened and then they re angry as a result so it s a really tricky scenario for them.
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Knowing what you know and what you ve studied and what you ve heard from men and women in relationships and what you ve heard from moms even though you re not a mom yet
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What is it that you think you need to take responsibility for to set yourself up for a healthy, conscious love with a, with a partner, but also as a mom.
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So you re not resentful.
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You re not lonely.
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You re not angry at your partner.
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What do you think you get to work on for yourself?
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I think in order to be that mom that s present and able to soothe that child, you have to ensure that there are no wounds within yourself that you re going to project onto that child or require your husband to feel for you.
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When you ve still got these unmet wounds, what will happen is you ll either mollycoddle and over, kind of, attach it, smile, overprotect, overprotect, not allow them to experience emotion, project your fears onto them and say, oh, don t touch this or that, everything s scary, or
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you will neglect one or the other, and both of them are equally damaging.
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You re either passing on anxiety or you re passing on avoidance and, you know, distance.
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So I think until you heal those wounds, as much as you might want to be a mom, myself included, it s better to reserve it to a time where you can do that child justice, because we always can t redo their childhood.
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What s the part of you that feels like there s something that I m still holding on to, I get to heal, I get to transform, I get to process so that you can step into motherhood one day of being the best mom you can be?
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God willing.
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I think when I am around children, what I learn and why I love them so, so much, it s the only environment where I don t feel judged.
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because children don t really judge you.
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They just kind of like use you.
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They just play and stuff.
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And I remember being around 21 years old and going to like a kid s party and just having the time of my life with these four year olds.
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And they must have thought I was like some kind of, I need to be on a register of some sort because I was just so obsessed with them.
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But because I m always felt so judged and rejected, I always felt almost really at home with children, really loved and at home with children.
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And I didn t want to kind of,
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make that the responsibility of having a child for me to feel cushioned and for me to feel at home and for me to feel like I ve got an insurance policy for an emotional connection for the rest of my life.
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So I think now that I ve been out into the real world I think in a way it s been really healing because I ve learned that I actually am maybe not as bad as I think I am and I m not as hated as I think I m actually really appreciated and therefore I don t need to rely on this child to heal a wound that they didn t create.
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Interesting.
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God willing.
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If I become a mum, God willing.
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This has been really inspiring, Saudia.
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I m grateful for your conversation.
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And like I said to you earlier, I m so grateful that you ve provided society with an alternative to Netflix, an alternative to TV.
4
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It s just so impressive.
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And you re doing such a service to so many people by providing them an alternative.
4
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So I really, really appreciate this opportunity.
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I appreciate it.
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We ve got a great team that s doing a lot of the effort and the work behind the scenes to make this possible.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, this has been inspiring.
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How can we be of service to you today?
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How can we support you?
4
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Where can we follow you?
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Where would we like to direct people more about?
4
SPEAKER_00
If they re loving this conversation, how can they get more from you?
4
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I still do one-to-one.
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So I m at Sadhya Psychology on Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok.
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Still do one-to-ones.
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I also have a Patreon if you have a quick question you want to ask me, I m always available.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I put all of my extended content on there.
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SPEAKER_01
And yeah, you can just pretty much see me on most people s TikTok feeds.
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SPEAKER_01
Unfortunately, I m so, so sorry.
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I keep popping up.
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SPEAKER_01
Even I get annoyed.
4
SPEAKER_01
I see my face and I m like, oh, God, go away.
4
SPEAKER_01
So I do apologize.
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I happen to be everywhere.
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SPEAKER_01
But unfortunately, you ll probably see me in most places.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s great.
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SPEAKER_00
You should be everywhere.
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SPEAKER_00
Unfortunately.
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So thank you again so much for the opportunity.
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Of course, Sadia Psychology on Instagram.
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SPEAKER_00
Is it sadiapsychology.com as well?
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah, my website.
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SPEAKER_00
Your website, sadiapsychology.com as well.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
You got YouTube also.
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SPEAKER_00
I m sure you ll have a lot more stuff coming out in the future.
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This is a question I ask everyone towards the end called the three truths.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
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So imagine a hypothetical scenario.
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You get to live as long as you want, Sadia, but it s your last day on Earth.
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You have the family, the kids, the career, the relationship, everything you want happens.
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SPEAKER_00
Right.
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But for whatever reason, all of your content has to go with you on your last day.
4
SPEAKER_00
Right.
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SPEAKER_00
So no one has access to this information or anything you ever create in the world.
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But you get to leave behind a message that shares your three lessons to the world, your three truths.
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What would those three truths be for you?
4
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I would like to express my appreciation to God for creating a set of values that I could have never found by myself in the world that we live in today.
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So had he not sent his message, I would have been very lost.
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And the other truth I would say is the importance of
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Connection with family and children.
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Children are really, really healing and important.
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If we don t nurture them, unfortunately, we create the members of societies we grow on to hate.
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So nurture children as much as possible.
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And practice self-control.
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I would always say practice self-control is self-healing.
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So if you can form a way of practicing self-control, I promise you it s an investment in your future self that you ll appreciate.
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I love that.
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Before I ask the final question, Sadie, I want to acknowledge you.
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I know you re probably not going to like me now.
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I hate this.
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You re not going to like me.
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Maybe you don t want to come back on after this because I m going to accomplish it.
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Your healing journey is going to start and continue when you allow love in, when you allow compliments and acknowledgement in.
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And so maybe you won t do it right now, but I want to acknowledge you, Sadia, for your wisdom, your experience, the challenges that you ve been through and are still going through to be able to have a perspective.
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that can share and support people.
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And there s, you know, things that you said today that I think will help a lot of people open their eyes.
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SPEAKER_00
Some things will land.
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SPEAKER_00
Other things won t land.
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Some things are going to resonate deeply and help people overcome a pain in their life.
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SPEAKER_00
And other things they may say, that doesn t work for me.
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SPEAKER_00
But either way, I acknowledge you for getting out of your comfort zone, leaning into your confidence.
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and being consistent by sharing this information with others because it is making an impact.
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So I really appreciate and acknowledge you.
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And the only thing you re allowed to say is thank you.
5
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Thank you.
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SPEAKER_00
That was a struggle, thank you.
5
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And I was trying my hardest to believe in, can you believe that my mind starts to believe that you don t mean what you re saying as you re speaking, isn t that terrible?
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But I will work on that and I promise you, when I see you again, I will work on this.
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Perfect, that s your homework.
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That s my homework.
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SPEAKER_00
That s your exercise.
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SPEAKER_00
Thank you so much, I do appreciate that.
5
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Okay Sadia, final question, what s your definition of greatness?
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Fulfilling your potential in whatever area that may be and not relying on highs to soothe your anxieties.
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I hope today s episode inspired you on your journey towards greatness.
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Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a rundown of today s show with all the important links.
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And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me as well as ad-free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel on Apple Podcast.
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SPEAKER_01
If you enjoyed this, please share it with a friend over on social media or text a friend, leave us a review over on Apple podcast, and let me know what you learned over on our social media channels at Lewis Howes.
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I really love hearing the feedback from you and it helps us continue to make the show better.
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And if you want more inspiration from our world-class guests and content to learn how to improve the quality of your life, then make sure to sign up for the Greatness Newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com slash newsletter.
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And if no one has told you today, I want to remind you that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter.
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And now it s time to go out there and do something great.