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Coming up next on PassionStruck... As we journey through life, it s crucial to remember that our ideal self is not a distant, unattainable mirage, but a dynamic, ever-evolving expression of our deepest desires and potential.
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It s about finding harmony between our dreams and our realities, and making choices that resonate with who we aspire to be.
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Welcome to Passion Struck.
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Hi, I m your host, Jon R. Miles, and on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world s most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you.
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Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.
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If you re new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays.
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We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes.
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Now, let s go out there and become Passion Struck.
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Hello, friends, and welcome back to Momentum Friday and Episode 403 of Passion Struck.
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Consistently ranked as the number one alternative health podcast on Apple.
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A heartfelt thanks to each and every one of you who return to the show weekly, eager to listen, learn and discover new ways to live better, be better and make a profound impact on the world.
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I have a special invitation for you.
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I am so excited to introduce the Passionstruck Quiz.
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It s an opportunity for you to discover where you stand on the Passionstruck Continuum.
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Are you an orchestrator who s masterfully balancing various aspects of your life?
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Or a vanquisher who s conquering challenges and turning obstacles into opportunities?
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Take the quiz on Passionstruck.com and find out where you sit on the Continuum.
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If you re new to the shows, thank you so much for being here, or you simply want to introduce this to a friend or a family member, and we so appreciate it when you do that.
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We have episode starter packs, which are collections of our fans  favorite episodes that we organize into convenient playlists that give any new listener a great way to get acclimated to everything we do here on the show.
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Either go to Spotify or passioninstruct.com slash starter packs to get started.
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In case you missed it, earlier in the week, I had two fantastic interviews.
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The first was with Jen Gottlieb, the Wall Street Journal bestselling author of Be Seen.
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And if you re not familiar with Jen, she has an illustrious career as a VH1 host, Broadway actress and co-founder of Super Media Connectors.
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I also interviewed coach Matt Doherty, who not only played on the University of North Carolina National Championship team with Michael Jordan and James Worthy, but also went on to coach his alma mater.
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But in 2003, Matt faced one of the most tumultuous moments in his career.
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He was forced to resign from that dream job.
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And my discussion with Matt focuses on how he rebounded from that event.
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and how you too can rebound and rebuild yourself.
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Please check both those episodes out, and if you liked either of them or today s, I would so appreciate you giving us a five-star rating and review, because they go such a long way in bringing more people into the Passion Star community, where we can bring them weekly doses of hope, meaning, and inspiration.
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And I know we and our guests love to hear comments and feedback from you.
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Now, let s talk about today s Momentum Friday episode.
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Throughout our lives, we face moments that are tinged with regret.
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wishing that we had made different choices.
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Often these reflections aren t about the actions that we took, but about the past that we didn t explore, particularly our failure to create our ideal self.
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Scott Spencer s poignant words capture this sentiment.
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The only things I regret, and the only things I ll ever regret, are the things that I didn t do.
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In the end, that s what we mourn.
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Past
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we didn t take, the people we didn t touch.
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This sentiment is echoed by recent research from Cornell University, led by psychologist Tom Gilovich, which discovered that our most enduring regrets stem from not fulfilling our hopes, goals, and aspirations, rather than failing to meet our duties and obligations.
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Forsaken dreams, unexplored romantic interests, choosing a safe job close to home versus an adventurous position abroad.
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These are the kinds of choices that haunt us.
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The research reveals a profound truth.
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When asked about their biggest life regrets, a staggering 76% of participants cited not fulfilling their ideal self.
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It highlights that our deepest regrets are not tied to mistakes that we ve made, but to the what-ifs or should-haves, the echoes of the ideal selves we never pursued.
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These are the specters of unfulfilled aspirations and missed opportunities, leaving a lingering sense of unfulfillment.
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As life progresses, we often find ourselves ensnared by relentless demands, mounting responsibilities like rent and car payments, as well as family obligations.
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These financial commitments can chain us
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to stable but unfulfilling jobs, creating a feeling of entrapment.
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This scenario forces us into a pivotal crossroads.
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The desire to chase our dreams versus the practical need to fulfill life s obligations.
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Yet these moments of realization and regret don t have to be the end of the story.
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It s always possible to awaken and nurture the potential within us.
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To breathe life into aspirations that sync with our ideal self.
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Learning from the past, we can create a future self that more closely aligns with our true desires.
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In this episode, we ll tackle those enduring regrets head on.
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I ll delve into the transformative process of realizing our ideal selves, using regrets as catalysts for meaningful change.
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Drawing upon my upcoming book, Passionstruck, 12 Powerful Principles to Unlock Your Purpose and Ignite Your Most Intentional Life, we ll discover how to harness our latent potential.
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To set the stage, we ll begin by investigating the various aspects of self.
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as presented in Self-Discrepancy Theory, providing a critical foundation for understanding and shaping our ideal selves.
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Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life.
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Now, let that journey begin.
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Self-discrepancy theory, developed by psychologist Edward Torrey Higgins, provides a profound framework for understanding the complexities of our self-perception and how it aligns with the journey to create our ideal self.
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This theory introduces three distinct dimensions of self.
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The actual self, the ideal self, and the ought self.
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Now, let s go through all three of these dimensions.
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We ll start off with discussing the actual self.
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This represents our current abilities, how we see ourselves now.
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It encompasses qualities such as intelligence, athleticism, and attractiveness.
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It s the baseline from which we measure growth and progress.
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Then there is the ideal self, the person that we aspire to become.
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It encompasses our hopes, dreams, and ambitions.
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The gap between the actual self and the ideal self is often where we find the seeds of regrets, as highlighted in Tom Gilevich s research, who I talked about in the introduction.
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When we fail to bridge this gap, we are left with a sense of unfulfillment, the feeling of not having created our ideal self.
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And lastly, there s the ought self.
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This self is shaped by our sense of duty and obligation.
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The person that we believe we should be
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often influenced by societal and family obligations.
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Discrepancies here can lead to feelings of guilt and anxiety.
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In summary, you can think of it this way.
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The ideal self is who you could be, the odd self is who you should be, and the actual self is who you currently are.
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Understanding these aspects of self helps us to understand the consequences and the origins of the regret that s associated with not living up to our ideal self.
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This regret is not just about missed opportunities, but is deeply rooted in the disparity
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between who we are, who we wish to be, and who we are obligated to be.
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By reconciling these aspects of self, we can move closer to creating and embodying our ideal selves, turning potential regrets into opportunities for growth and fulfillment.
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Now, let s dive deeper into the origins and consequences of the regret of failing to live our ideal lives.
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Lingering regrets serve as powerful catalysts
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for the journey to creating your ideal self.
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These regrets are not mere remnants of unrealized dreams and untapped potential.
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They are signposts pointing towards the path of self-discovery and transformation.
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They arise from the awareness that certain paths, aspirations, or passions were left unexplored, giving rise to a complex emotional landscape filled with longing what-ifs.
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These regrets silently accompany us, shaping our perspective on past choices and exerting influence over our present state of mind.
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Renowned author and motivational speaker Bronnie Ware, drawn from her experiences in palliative care, has identified the five most prevalent deathbed regrets.
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Remarkably,
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These regrets align with the principles of creating your ideal life.
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The first is, I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
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This regret underscores the importance of aligning with your ideal self, pursuing your authentic aspirations.
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The second is, I wish I hadn t worked so hard.
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It highlights the need to strike a balance between success and living a fulfilling life that s in alignment with your ideal self.
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The third is, I wish I had the courage to express my feelings.
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Effective self-expression is a crucial aspect of identifying and embodying your ideal self.
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Fourth, I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
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Connections and relationships are essential elements in the journey towards your ideal self.
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And fifth, I wish I had let myself be happier.
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Finding happiness is at the core of creating the ideal self and embracing the positive aspects of life.
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unexplored.
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talents left untapped.
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These unfulfilled aspirations often lie at the core of our ideal selves, representing the individuals that we long to become.
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To gain a deeper understanding of the intricate nature of regrets that persist when one falls short of achieving their ideal self, let s dissect them into their fundamental components.
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The first is reflecting on missed opportunities.
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The first facet of enduring regrets involves thoughtful consideration of opportunities that slipped away.
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Individuals often find themselves revisiting critical junctures, contemplating the divergent paths not explored, and speculating on the different outcomes had different decisions been made.
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The second is comparing reality to idealized scenarios.
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Lingering regrets often manifest.
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as an ongoing comparison between the tangible aspects of one s life and the envisioned scenarios of an idealized existence.
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This continuous evaluation may cultivate feelings of inadequacy, contributing to a skewed perception, personal progress, and accomplishment.
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The third one is acknowledging unfulfilled passions and potentials.
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The realization that certain talents or aspirations were left untapped introduces a nuanced layer to the emotional landscape.
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This acknowledgement deepens the complexity of regret as individuals grapple with unrealized possibilities that could have enriched their personal and professional journeys.
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So this begs the question, when does regret become harmful?
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In episode 197 of Passion Struck,
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I had the pleasure of discussing Lingering Regrets with Dan Pink.
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Dan highlighted a significant insight.
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Knowing what people regret most reveals what they value most.
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When it comes to the core four regrets, humanity tends to place value on stability, spiced with a touch of adventure, doing what s right, and connecting with others.
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It s evident that by placing importance on such a wide array of essential human experiences, we also expose ourselves
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to profound regret from a myriad of sources.
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Regret, it seems, can stem from countless paths.
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Moreover, navigating a life of regret is an ongoing process that involves closing certain opportunities while simultaneously opening new ones.
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Each action we take shapes the possibilities
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that are available to us in the next moment.
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And we are constantly making choices, even in moments of inaction.
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These insights emphasize the interconnectedness of regret and the journey toward creating your ideal self.
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The regrets of the past can serve as powerful motivators to actively pursue your authentic aspirations.
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aligning your life with the vision of your ideal self, and embracing the fulfillment that comes with it.
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To better understand the impact of lingering regrets, let s explore the weights that they bear.
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As we embark on the journey towards creating our ideal selves, it s essential to understand and address the weight of lingering regret.
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These regrets are not merely emotional remnants.
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They can impose significant burdens on our lives, affecting various aspects of our well-being.
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The regret stemming from failing to pursue our ideal selves is often fueled by the persistent realization of unfulfilled aspirations, contributing to a pervasive sense of dissatisfaction.
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The emotional toll is evident in the gap between the life one envisioned and reality experienced, fostering a lingering sense of missed opportunities.
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Lingering regrets can take a toll on mental health, manifesting as feelings of anxiety, depression, and a sense of unfulfillment.
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The internal conflict arising from the desire for a different life trajectory and the acceptance of the chosen path can generate emotional turbulence, significantly impacting overall well-being.
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Regrets associated with unexplored potentials can strain interpersonal relationships.
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particularly if these regrets contribute to a palpable emotional distance or lingering resentment.
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The resultant isolation stemming from the reluctance to share these deeply personal regrets further intensifies the emotional burden, creating obstacles to authentic connections with others.
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Recognizing the potential negative impacts of lingering regrets, the question arises, how can we strategically navigate them to ensure that they become catalysts for positive change?
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The starting point involves taking responsibility and actively elevating ourselves from our current status quo.
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In pursuit of our ideal selves, we often encounter the powerful inertia of status quo.
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This inertia can manifest as a web of impediments, including fear, uncertainty, and the reassuring embrace of familiar routines.
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These barriers can be a formidable obstacle, preventing us from taking proactive steps towards realizing our ideal selves.
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Fear, in its various forms, stands as a prominent adversary on this transformational journey.
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Fear of the unknown, fear of failure, and the fear of the consequences of stepping outside established boundaries can all be paralyzing.
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These natural fears can deter us from embracing the transformative journey of fulfilling our dreams and aspirations.
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Uncertainty compounds this challenge.
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as the absence of a clearly defined path or roadmap for change can leave us feeling overwhelmed and hesitant to take the first steps.
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The lack of a structured plan and clear starting point can lead to a sense of helplessness, leaving us stuck in our current circumstances without a clear direction for progress.
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Amid these formidable barriers, our inner critic, the persistent voice of negative self-talk, emerges as a powerful force.
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It is the voice that whispers discouragement in the face of fear.
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fosters confusion amid uncertainty, and keeps us ensnared into the comforts of the familiar.
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This inner critic can often serve as a primary obstacle, preventing us to heed the call to break free and embark on the transformative journey of realizing our ideal selves.
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To navigate this inertia effectively, it becomes imperative
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to address the barriers systematically.
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The principles that I write about in PassionStruck provide a comprehensive roadmap for breaking free from stagnation, offering strategies and insights to overcome these obstacles and embark on the transformative journey.
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PassionStruck not only encourages us to envision our ideal selves, but actively encourages us to challenge and reframe negative self-talk that s perpetuated by our inner critic.
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By doing so, it fosters a sense of clarity and provides guidance on the necessary steps to live out
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our ideal selves.
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However, it s important to emphasize that once you summon the courage to overcome the status quo, you might find yourself tempted to continuously look back into your past.
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This inclination may arise as you observe others who have pursued their dreams, serving as a reminder of how different things could have been for you.
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Nevertheless, it s essential to keep your focus forward, maintaining a steadfast determination to your journey of self-transformation.
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Now, let s delve into this critical aspect, exploring in detail the pivotal factor and the corresponding steps that are outlined in the Passion Struck Framework to help you actualize your ideal self.
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As we venture further on the path to realizing our ideal self, it becomes evident
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that confronting the inertia of the status quo is just the beginning.
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The journey is characterized by complexities that require a deep understanding of the obstacles that we encounter along the way.
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In the spirit of moving forward, let us explore an analogy that beautifully encapsulates our approach.
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Driving through life s windshield and not the rearview mirror, this metaphor underscores the importance of adopting a forward-focused perspective.
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where the windshield represents our vision ahead, while the rearview mirror symbolizes our past experiences.
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The principles of PassionStruck teach us to steer our attention to the road ahead, where our goals and our aspirations lie.
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Instead of dwelling on our past mistakes or missed opportunities reflected in the rearview mirror, the philosophy encourages a proactive stance of learning and growth from those experiences.
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We use them as stepping stones towards a more fulfilling future.
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Now that we ve laid the foundation for our forward-looking journey,
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Let s delve into five practical steps that we can use to implement this philosophy effectively.
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The first is to embrace self-compassion and accept your current reality.
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Initiating the emotional exploration of lingering regret requires a fundamental practice of acceptance.
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Take a moment to reflect upon your past choices without subjecting yourself to harsh self-judgment.
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Simultaneously, nurture self-compassion by recognizing that your life journey unfolds uniquely.
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In this process, extend kindness and understanding to yourself, acknowledging the imperfections inherent in the human experience.
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By fostering a mindset of self-compassion, you not only alleviate the weight of regrets, but also cultivate a supportive internal environment for personal growth and healing, which will help you along your journey towards achieving your ideal self.
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Engage in meaningful reflection.
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Commencing a journey of profound self-reflection involves delving into the lessons gleaned from past choices and comprehending their impact on personal growth.
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By reframing your regrets as powerful opportunities for learning, you empower yourself to shift your perspective towards a more constructive narrative.
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During this reflective process, take time
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to explore the intricacies of your experiences.
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Instead of dwelling on the negatives, focus on extracting wisdom from each experience.
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This deliberate and meaningful reflection not only facilitates personal growth, but also encourages a positive reinterpretation of past choices.
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Third, reconnect with passions.
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To triumph over lingering regrets and evolve into your ideal self, it s crucial to reignite the spark of passion by reconnecting with neglected interests.
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Whether through the pursuit of hobbies, engagement in creative endeavors, or exploration of new interests, rediscovering your passions contributes significantly to fostering a renewed sense of purpose.
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Take deliberate steps to immerse yourself in activities that once brought you joy and fulfillment.
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This process involves not only acknowledging the significance of your passions, but actively incorporating them back into your life.
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By reigniting the flame of passion, you not only counteract the weight of regrets, but also open avenues for personal rejuvenation.
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and a more purposeful existence.
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The next step is to build authentic connections.
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The key from liberating yourself from isolation lies in building authentic connections.
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Sharing your regrets and aspirations with trusted individuals fosters mutual understanding and support, creating a network of encouragement as you navigate the journey towards healing.
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Deliberately invest time and energy on nurturing relationships that are built on trust and genuine connection.
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Allow yourself to be vulnerable,
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sharing not only your successes, but also your regrets and your dreams.
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In doing so, you create a supportive community that understands the nuances of your journey and provides a solid foundation for emotional healing as well as personal growth.
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And lastly, cultivate intentional action.
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The effectiveness of all the aforementioned steps hinges entirely on your commitment to cultivating intentional action.
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This practice serves as a driving force, propelling us toward our ideal selves.
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PassionStruck places substantial emphasis on the pivotal role of these actions, transcending mere success and delving into the profound realms of meaning and fulfillment.
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Keep in mind that deliberate decision-making is at the core of intentional action.
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Each choice should resonate with your aspirations.
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and contribute to the realization of long-term objectives.
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This involves aligning your daily choices with the broader vision that you hold for your life, ensuring that every step forward is purposeful and contributes to your ongoing personal growth.
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With these principles in place, we equip ourselves to transverse the path ahead, resolute in our commitment to living out our ideal selves and embracing the transformative journey that lies before us.
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In summary, the journey to our ideal self is deeply intertwined with understanding and reconciling our various selves, the actual, ideal, and ought.
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It s a transformative process where regrets serve as catalysts for growth.
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By embracing self-compassion, engaging in reflective learning, reigniting passions, forging authentic connections, and taking intentional actions, we can align our lives with our true aspirations.
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This path isn t just about reaching a distant ideal.
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It s about continuously evolving and making choices that resonate deeply with our true selves.
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As we align our actions with our dreams, we mitigate regrets and open doors to a purposeful, fulfilling life.
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Every day presents an opportunity to shape our lives in alignment with our ideal selves, guided by the principles of PassionStruck.
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As Catherine Pulsifer said, don t live your life regretting yesterday.
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Live your life so tomorrow you won t regret today.
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Let this be our mantra as we intentionally and passionately craft our ideal selves, using our regrets as the foundation for a meaningful and impactful life.
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I hope you all enjoyed the show and I wanted to thank everyone who wrote in this week and especially those who listened.
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Links to the transcript will be in the show notes.
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Videos are on YouTube at both Jon R. Miles and Passionster Eclipse.
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please check them out and subscribe.
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Advertiser deals and discount codes are in one convenient place at passionstruck.com slash deals.
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I also wanted to tell you about the passionstruck challenge.
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Each week throughout 2024, we are going to be sending you a unique challenge that gets you closer to living a passionstruck life.
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You can sign up by joining our newsletter at passionstruck.com.
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You can find me on all the socials at John R. Miles, and you can sign up for our work-related newsletter, Work Intentionally, on LinkedIn.
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You re about to hear a preview of the Passion Strike podcast interview that I did with Dr. Mark Hyman, a number one New York Times bestselling author and trailblazer in functional medicine.
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I welcome Mark back on the program to do a deep dive on the future of medicine.
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Increasing data is showing that our inflammatory diet
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is affecting our mental health in profound ways.
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Ultra processed foods have been linked to depression, to suicide, to anxiety, to even things like bipolar disease, schizophrenia.
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It sounds crazy.
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It s not my opinion anymore.
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I basically came up with this idea decades ago when I wrote my book, Ultra Mind Solution, about how the body affects the brain.
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But we re seeing this disease of despair and increasing mental health crisis and it s dwarfing all our other problems and it s leading us to make bad choices.
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It s affecting our brain by causing inflammation in the brain.
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The problem with that is that our impulse control and our executive function, the adult in the room,
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doesn t have control over the three-year-old in our brain.
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And that s why we make bad choices.
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That s why our biology is hijacked.
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Our brain chemistry is hijacked.
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Our mood is hijacked.
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Our metabolism is hijacked.
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Our taste buds are hijacked by the food industry.
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And so we really have to learn how to take back our health.
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And part of it is starting to understand what s happening under the hood.
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Remember that we rise by lifting others.
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So share with the show with those that you love and care about.
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And if you know someone who could use the advice that I gave today on how to create an ideal life, then definitely share this with your family and friends.
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In the meantime, do your best to apply what you hear on the show so that you can live what you listen.
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And until next time, go out there and become passion struck.