1
SPEAKER_00
 got to be.
1
SPEAKER_00
So you're given a reference point by the education system, it wasn't created by you and you're measured on it against other people.
1
SPEAKER_00
So you're competing against other people, right?
1
SPEAKER_00
And so like you start with external reference points that you're measuring yourself against, then you've got social media where it's all of these, you know,
1
SPEAKER_00
 people with six pack abs and all these things and like telling you what success is.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so we're trained by society to have external reference points and always be measuring ourselves against either externals, ideals, other people, and never measuring ourselves against an internal reference point, which is me versus me three weeks ago, me versus me four years ago.
1
SPEAKER_00
 And so I think a huge beginning point to being in the game or actually even getting to know yourself is stop measuring yourself against ideals, start deciding your own internal reference points.
1
SPEAKER_00
How do I define success?
1
SPEAKER_00
What matters to me?
1
SPEAKER_00
How am I doing on that definition of success versus my former self?
1
SPEAKER_00
And starting to just measure Benjamin Hardy or whoever's listening, just measure yourself against where you were before.
1
SPEAKER_00
That's the only accurate measurement because that's the only thing that had a decent starting point.
1
SPEAKER_00
If I try to measure myself against you,
1
SPEAKER_00
 what would the measurement be?
1
SPEAKER_00
Would I try to measure you, you know, me versus you on like a podcast?
1
SPEAKER_00
I don't have a podcast, you know, so immediately I'm a failure, right?
1
SPEAKER_00
I could probably try to find ways to measure myself against you so that I feel like I'm beating you, but like we both have different goals, we have both different starting points.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so like the only thing that I can accurately measure myself against that makes any sense is my former self.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so if you start just measuring yourself in that way,
1
SPEAKER_00
 then you can see your progress, you increase the value of your past, you increase the value of your present, and then from there you can have more of an intrinsic motivation to say, what are the targets I actually want to set?
1
SPEAKER_00
And who cares what anyone else is doing?
1
SPEAKER_00
And also, who cares what anyone else does to evaluate my progress?
1
SPEAKER_00
Because the only person whose opinion of my progress that matters is me.
1
SPEAKER_00
Your opinion of my progress doesn't really matter.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, the only person whose value
1
SPEAKER_00
 of my progress that matters is me.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I get to decide that, but if I'm in the gap, I've devalued all my progress because I'm saying, why am I not there?
1
SPEAKER_00
So it's pretty destructive.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, it is.
1
SPEAKER_02
So always be looking at the gain.
1
SPEAKER_02
 in order to find kind of peace towards your goals of accomplishing your goals where you are to where you want to be.
1
SPEAKER_02
Don't compare to other people is what I'm hearing you say, compare to where you've been and how far you've come.
1
SPEAKER_02
What if someone could look at their past and say, well, I haven't really done much and they're not proud of the game because they're like, well, I'm still stuck.
1
SPEAKER_00
 Well, you still have to find the gain.
1
SPEAKER_00
You still have to create the gain.
1
SPEAKER_00
You've got to find the meaning, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, but you still can create gains.
1
SPEAKER_00
I mean, there's a lot of people who maybe aren't, who can look at their past, maybe say 10 years has passed by, and I really haven't done that much with my life.
1
SPEAKER_00
 But that's again devaluing your own past, devaluing your own experience.
1
SPEAKER_00
Certainly if you look back and again you probably feel like a failure because for some reason or another you're still comparing yourself with maybe where you thought you should be or where society thought you should be or where your parents thought you should be.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so the only reason again you feel like you
1
SPEAKER_00
 aren't doing well is because you're in the gap and you're saying, this is what I should have done or where I could have been.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so the first step of getting out of that is just actually increasing the value of your past and saying, here are the things I have gained.
1
SPEAKER_00
I mean, for example, my own younger brother, he's had a lot of challenges.
1
SPEAKER_00
He went through a lot of challenge and trauma growing up.
1
SPEAKER_00
And you can feel like a failure if you keep measuring yourself against other people.
1
SPEAKER_00
 But the truth is you can train yourself to choose gains.
1
SPEAKER_00
Again, it's up to him, my brother, to decide what his gains are.
1
SPEAKER_00
Not me, but if he chooses to look at the gains and say, you know, he does have an amazing daughter.
1
SPEAKER_00
He's had a lot of great experiences.
1
SPEAKER_00
He has learned a lot through ups and downs.
1
SPEAKER_00
Once you actually increase the value of your past and actually
1
SPEAKER_00
 start to love yourself and say, you know, I have gained, I have learned, I am further than my former self, and because of that, I'm gonna move forward.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, that's a great starting point for any form of progress, rather than, I'm a loser, look at my past 10 years, look at where, that's a really bad starting point for any form of progress.
1
SPEAKER_00
It gets much better to start wherever you are, any form of progress you wanna make, start in the gain and say, this is where I actually have made progress, this is where, because that puts you in a position of confidence, it puts you in a position of gratitude, it also puts you in a healthy place where
1
SPEAKER_00
 You're not trying to compete against anyone else.
1
SPEAKER_00
You're just like, this is my starting point.
1
SPEAKER_00
I do have some momentum from my past.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so from there, I'm going to move forward feeling like I have made progress.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I can own that.
1
SPEAKER_00
Whereas if you're always starting from the vantage point of, I'm not where I should be, or I'm not where I could be, or the last year was a... Then you're trying to fix something that's not really broken.
1
SPEAKER_02
 You've got another concept about who, not how.
1
SPEAKER_02
I think a lot of people are thinking when they have a big goal that they've never accomplished something before, they think, how am I gonna do this?
1
SPEAKER_02
And then they get emotionally kind of like paralyzed because they're like, I don't know the steps how to do this.
1
SPEAKER_02
Even if I see that someone else did this and here was their steps, how am I gonna do this?
1
SPEAKER_02
Why should we be thinking who, not how, when it comes to accomplishing big goals?
1
SPEAKER_00
 Such a cool question.
1
SPEAKER_00
I honestly was not trained in who not how.
1
SPEAKER_00
So this is another Dan Sullivan concept which we wrote together and wrote who not how.
1
SPEAKER_00
But who not how is a totally different way of looking at life.
1
SPEAKER_00
It's a totally different way of looking at people and it's a totally different way of looking at achievement.
1
SPEAKER_00
When you're a how thinker,
1
SPEAKER_00
 You think about a goal, you know, I want to start a business or anything.
1
SPEAKER_00
I want to clean my house.
1
SPEAKER_00
And the first question you say is, how do I do that?
1
SPEAKER_00
And so you immediately put all the pressure on yourself to figure out the problem and to execute the problem.
1
SPEAKER_00
I want a new website.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay, how do I do that?
1
SPEAKER_00
I want to do this.
1
SPEAKER_00
And people are trained in how, and a lot of that also has to do with the education system because
1
SPEAKER_00
 We're not trained to collaborate, we're actually trained to compete against each other.
1
SPEAKER_00
And, you know, if you try to get answers from your friend on the test in school, that's called cheating, right?
1
SPEAKER_00
And so, who not how is a view of collaborating with everyone around you and finding the right who.
1
SPEAKER_00
So if it's like, I want to, you know, build a website.
1
SPEAKER_00
 Rather than the first question coming out of your mind, rather than the first thought being, how do I do that?
1
SPEAKER_00
The first immediate thought is, who can do that for me?
1
SPEAKER_00
Or who can help me do that?
1
SPEAKER_00
And basically the premise of who not how is you want to view other people as investments, not costs.
1
SPEAKER_00
So if I want to free up my time, if I want to free up 10 hours a week, which I think everyone should do, get someone to handle your logistics.
1
SPEAKER_00
Even my wife.
1
SPEAKER_00
 She homeschools all of our kids, and I finally got her to think who not how, and we actually got someone to help our little twins in the morning so that she could focus on the other kids.
1
SPEAKER_00
Get a who to help you, and that who is not a cost.
1
SPEAKER_00
 Even if it's $10, $15 an hour, hire that person to do your website, or hire that person to ghostwrite your book.
1
SPEAKER_00
It's not a cost, it's actually an investment in your future self.
1
SPEAKER_00
And it's an investment in your current self, because when you make that investment, you've now freed yourself up to do what you wanna do.
1
SPEAKER_00
You've also invested in the result.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so, who not how is a result-oriented approach to life, where you say, what is the result I want, and who can make it happen?
1
SPEAKER_00
 And the more you start investing in who's, the faster you're gonna get results.
1
SPEAKER_00
Even if it's learning.
1
SPEAKER_00
The more who's you have around you, the more invested and committed you are to what you're trying to accomplish.
1
SPEAKER_00
So it's like if I wanna run an Ironman, why would I try to figure out how to do that?
1
SPEAKER_00
Why don't I just get who's?
1
SPEAKER_00
Why don't I invest in a trainer?
1
SPEAKER_00
That increases my commitment.
1
SPEAKER_00
It also immediately gives me education.
1
SPEAKER_00
So yeah, who not how solves a lot of problems.
1
SPEAKER_00
It gets you to where you wanna go a lot faster.
1
SPEAKER_02
How do we find the who's though?
1
SPEAKER_02
 When you really think like, you know, a lot of times people don't know how to find the who.
1
SPEAKER_02
Very specific people they're looking for.
1
SPEAKER_02
Sometimes very technical people.
1
SPEAKER_02
And they're like, well, I can't afford the who.
1
SPEAKER_00
 Yeah, so that's, again, thinking in terms of cost.
1
SPEAKER_00
Not investment, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, if you make an investment in a who, and it could be small investments in who's in the beginning.
1
SPEAKER_00
When you make the investment, first off, you become more committed.
1
SPEAKER_00
Second off, it creates an environment or a context where now you've got to actually find a way to generate the results so that you can.
1
SPEAKER_00
So it's actually a fast way to increase your ability to earn.
1
SPEAKER_00
It's, again, an investment mindset.
1
SPEAKER_00
But back to the idea of how do you find the who.
1
SPEAKER_00
 Again, that's a how question.
1
SPEAKER_00
Who can find the who?
1
SPEAKER_02
Who can find the who?
1
SPEAKER_02
Who can you hire or who can you help you?
1
SPEAKER_02
That's why I asked you before our interview.
1
SPEAKER_02
I was like, looking for a ghostwriter.
1
SPEAKER_02
Who do you know?
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
So you need a who to find your who's.
1
SPEAKER_00
I have an assistant who, whenever I want to hire someone, if I want to grow a YouTube channel, who is the person to help me do that?
1
SPEAKER_00
 Obviously, there's lots of who's.
1
SPEAKER_00
There could be mentors, but there also could be someone who manages your channel.
1
SPEAKER_00
The first thing to do when you find a who, and this is the first aspect of leadership, is you have to clarify the what and the why.
1
SPEAKER_00
What is the goal?
1
SPEAKER_00
What's the result?
1
SPEAKER_00
Why does it matter so much?
1
SPEAKER_00
 And what are the specific success criteria?
1
SPEAKER_00
So like what, you know, this is a concept that Dan has called an impact filter.
1
SPEAKER_00
It's a one-page document.
1
SPEAKER_00
We actually put it in the Who Not How, if anyone wants to just like look up impact filter.
1
SPEAKER_00
But basically the impact filter is a one sheet that Dan made that helps you clarify the what, the why, and the specific success criteria.
1
SPEAKER_00
So for example, if you want to hire a ghostwriter to write your books,
1
SPEAKER_00
 what you would say is like, what's the objective?
1
SPEAKER_00
I wanna hire someone who writes a book and I want, and then it's like, what's the actual goal?
1
SPEAKER_00
One to two books per year.
1
SPEAKER_00
And you'd have to define it very clearly.
1
SPEAKER_00
Let's just say it's one book a year.
1
SPEAKER_00
I want one excellent book written every single year, published every year, in my voice, it's powerful, it's profound.
1
SPEAKER_00
So you gotta get really clear on the outcome.
1
SPEAKER_00
Why is this so important?
1
SPEAKER_00
Because we wanna help other people become great.
1
SPEAKER_00
And you just write down all of the why.
1
SPEAKER_00
Why is this so important?
1
SPEAKER_00
 What's the best case result when it's done?
1
SPEAKER_00
And then what's the worst case result if you don't take action?
1
SPEAKER_00
And then this is where it gets really important is what are the specific success criteria?
1
SPEAKER_00
So what has to be true in order for this to be successful?
1
SPEAKER_00
This is just laying out the vision so that you use that to find the right who.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so in this case it could be, well, it only is gonna cost Louis 10 hours a week.
1
SPEAKER_00
You've gotta be really good at headlines.
1
SPEAKER_00
You have to be self-starter.
1
SPEAKER_00
You have to just lay out what must be true
1
SPEAKER_00
 And then you use that filter to find the right who.
1
SPEAKER_00
And for me, I use that whenever I want to hire someone or find someone.
1
SPEAKER_00
Whenever I have a goal, I just lay out what has to be true.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then I have my assistant, in this case, go out and use that to find the right who.
1
SPEAKER_00
The vision is actually what attracts the who.
1
SPEAKER_00
They're like, yeah, I can do that.
1
SPEAKER_00
I'm a writer.
1
SPEAKER_00
I want to do that kind of work.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I can do those things.
1
SPEAKER_00
If you lay out success and make it very specific,
1
SPEAKER_00
 You know and and so I have someone go out and find this but they use my vision and my success criteria To go find what I'm looking for, right?
1
SPEAKER_02
Do you think that holds people back from a lot of the things they want is the who not the how?
1
SPEAKER_00
 Totally.
1
SPEAKER_00
I'll use myself as an example.
1
SPEAKER_00
I wanted to start a YouTube channel for five years.
1
SPEAKER_02
You didn't do it for years.
1
SPEAKER_00
So how leads to procrastination because there's so many aspects of it that you either don't want to do or you don't know how to do.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don't know how to film videos.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don't know how to edit videos.
1
SPEAKER_00
 I don't know YouTube, I don't know, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, so there's so much complexity and so because I've put all the pressure on myself to do the hows rather than just getting a who to start the process and get the ball rolling, you know, how leads to procrastination because you've put all the weight on yourself whereas if you would just clarify the goal and immediately invest in a who,
1
SPEAKER_00
 and then you've offloaded the how to them, given them the responsibility for that, you've become a leader, then you can just do the parts that you wanna do.
1
SPEAKER_00
Get that video editor.
1
SPEAKER_00
But you have to view them as an investment, not a cost.
1
SPEAKER_00
This is an investment in future me.
1
SPEAKER_00
This is an investment in my goals.
1
SPEAKER_00
It's also an investment in current me because now I can actually focus on the parts where I want to focus.
1
SPEAKER_00
So yeah, the more you try to do how, the smaller your vision of your future self will be.
1
SPEAKER_00
The more you apply who's,
1
SPEAKER_00
 And this could also be with mentors.
1
SPEAKER_00
There are certain people who can immediately open up a door for you.
1
SPEAKER_00
Who's the right who who can connect me with that person?
1
SPEAKER_00
Or who's the who who can get me that opportunity?
1
SPEAKER_00
And so, how very much shrinks people's vision of their future self.
1
SPEAKER_00
Whereas if you start playing the who game, not only can you get other people on board with your vision and to handle the parts of it that you don't want to do, and also they'll do it enormously better than you.
1
SPEAKER_00
 One of the things that holds faster than you.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah Yeah, one of the things that holds people back from who is is that they don't trust other people, right?
1
SPEAKER_00
A lot of entrepreneurs think they can't do it as good as me and they can't do it as fast pure ego You know like what you have to trust other people you have to clarify the vision and you've got to trust that Not only can they do it better than you they want to do it
1
SPEAKER_00
 They love to do it.
1
SPEAKER_00
That's what they want to do.
1
SPEAKER_00
They're the ones who have opted to do it.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so trusting other people, getting out of their way, that's why it's called who, not how.
1
SPEAKER_00
You don't tell them how to do it.
1
SPEAKER_00
You don't micromanage.
1
SPEAKER_00
You've clarified the vision.
1
SPEAKER_00
That's one of the reasons, actually, I like writing books with Dan, is I'm the who, in this case, for writing the books.
1
SPEAKER_00
He had a vision.
1
SPEAKER_00
He wanted to turn his concepts into major books.
1
SPEAKER_00
 And I was like, I would love to do that.
1
SPEAKER_00
And he literally doesn't, I write whatever books I want in the case of our collaboration with Dan.
1
SPEAKER_00
He doesn't tell me what books to write because he's like, I could never advise you on that because you're the one who does that.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don't do that.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so I wouldn't even try to advise you on that.
1
SPEAKER_02
 I coach entrepreneurs, and you write books.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, and so I wrote whatever book I wanted.
1
SPEAKER_00
That's a Benjamin Hardy book, even though it's got both of our names on it.
1
SPEAKER_00
There's no way he would have even ever been able to imagine that book, because he let the who do it.
1
SPEAKER_00
And if he had tried to tell me how to do it, I wouldn't have done it, because I want freedom, and so does he.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so you have to trust your who's and give them the freedom to do it how they would do it, and it will most certainly be different than how you would do it, and that's actually a good thing, and you shouldn't even be thinking about the how.
1
SPEAKER_00
 It's like you shouldn't tell the mechanic how to fix your car.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know what I mean?
1
SPEAKER_00
And so apply that to all areas of your life.
1
SPEAKER_00
But if it's like I want to make a million dollars or whatever, well who can help me do that?
1
SPEAKER_00
Who can teach me how to do that or who can immediately open up the doors rather than how do I do it?
1
SPEAKER_02
And what about, you wrote a book called Willpower Doesn't Work.
1
SPEAKER_02
Why doesn't it work and what does work if willpower isn't the efficient way?
1
SPEAKER_00
 Yeah, so willpower is, one way of looking at willpower is willpower is trying to do the how.
1
SPEAKER_00
Willpower is you trying to do the how.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
 There's a lot of reasons why willpower doesn't work.
1
SPEAKER_00
I wrote that book originally thinking about it in terms of addiction.
1
SPEAKER_00
Willpower is trying to white knuckle, try to muster up the strength, trying to force yourself to do it.
1
SPEAKER_00
Willpower is one of the most terrible way to try to overcome an addiction.
1
SPEAKER_00
It actually compounds the problem because at the end of the day you have to finally realize, I need help, I can't do this by myself.
1
SPEAKER_02
You have no energy, you're exhausted, you're drained, and you just need that thing to get back to you.
1
SPEAKER_00
 Well, when it comes to addiction, usually it's realizing that you need other people to help you, you know, like in the AA world, surrender to God, you know, but also like you need to change your environment.
1
SPEAKER_00
So like that book was really about how environment trumps willpower.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like there's a quote from Marshall Goldsmith.
1
SPEAKER_00
He's a performance coach and he said, if you do not create and control your environment, your environment creates and controls you.
1
SPEAKER_00
 And so like willpower is trying to beat a bad environment rather than just changing your environment, eliminating all of the bad options, but also your environment does shape you.
1
SPEAKER_00
So like as an example, you know, it kind of goes back to the idea you're the byproduct of the five people you spend the most time with.
1
SPEAKER_00
 If you're in a bad situation, it doesn't matter how much willpower you muster, you're not going to be able to do that much.
1
SPEAKER_00
Take my three kids, for example, who we adopted.
1
SPEAKER_00
We adopted three kids from the foster system.
1
SPEAKER_00
They came from a broken home, poverty, all of the willpower in the world.
1
SPEAKER_00
 by those kids wouldn't have been able to do much in that small situation.
1
SPEAKER_00
But if you immediately change their situation, all of a sudden now they've got infinitely different options, potential.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so all of the willpower in the world 100 years ago wouldn't have been able to get a person from Florida to California in five hours.
1
SPEAKER_00
But we now live in a situation that enables us to do it.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so that book's a lot about
1
SPEAKER_00
 creating the context, creating a better situation.
1
SPEAKER_00
Creating a better environment than trying to have willpower.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, rather than me trying to stop looking at my phone, leave it on airplane mode, leave it in a different room, create the context so that I can be who I want to be, be my future self.
1
SPEAKER_00
And one other aspect of willpower, an aspect of willpower is called decision fatigue.
1
SPEAKER_00
And decision fatigue is the idea that the more options you're trying to weigh, the more your willpower gets fried.
1
SPEAKER_00
 And so not only do you want to create an environment where you can, you know, not necessarily need to control all of your behavior, but you're being who you want to be, but you also want to make decisions.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like the opposite of decision fatigue is decision.
1
SPEAKER_00
Cut off alternative options.
1
SPEAKER_00
So like, you know, decision fatigue means you still haven't made the choice.
1
SPEAKER_00
It's like you're 98% committed.
1
SPEAKER_00
So like there's a great quote from Clayton Christensen.
1
SPEAKER_00
He said 100% commitment's a lot easier than 98% commitment.
1
SPEAKER_00
 Because if you're only 98% committed, that means you're still kind of, you're not actually there.
1
SPEAKER_00
And that goes back to identity, that your identity is what you're 100% committed to.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so if you're only like 98% committed, then you're kind of torn between options.
1
SPEAKER_00
You're just, you're overthinking it and you haven't quite made the decision, you haven't committed to something.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so you're just, you're not really going anywhere.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so a big aspect of killing willpower and making it irrelevant is just actually making a decision and learning how to commit to that decision.
1
SPEAKER_00
 And then obviously creating the environment and the context that supports that decision.
1
SPEAKER_00
Learning how to identify with your future self so that you no longer see yourself as that smoker.
1
SPEAKER_00
Or, you know, like you start to, you know, because your identity and your behavior go hand in hand, but part of willpower is that you still identify as someone maybe who has those bad habits, even though you want this, and so your identity and your behavior are all trying to conflict.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, so willpower is really a bad angle.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
It's the opposite of intrinsic motivation.
1
SPEAKER_02
 What about the feeling of burnout?
1
SPEAKER_02
How do people accomplish their goals if they just feel burned out?
1
SPEAKER_02
Is that also with decision fatigue, feeling burnt out?
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How do they get back to a place of clarity and focus so they can really just be their best self in a day-to-day process in becoming their future best self?
1
SPEAKER_00
 Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of reasons why people burn out.
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SPEAKER_00
One of them might be that they actually, maybe it's decision fatigue, maybe they're still like not really doing what they wanna do.
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And so they're.
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 They're not really excited about what they're doing.
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SPEAKER_00
They're not really moving towards their desired future self.
1
SPEAKER_00
They're just expending a lot of energy on things that they don't really value.
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SPEAKER_00
If you're moving towards your desired future self and you're investing in your future self and you're working on projects that you love, you're being pulled towards your future self.
1
SPEAKER_00
Pull motivation is a lot more exciting than push motivation.
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SPEAKER_00
Push motivation is like, I really don't want to do this.
1
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Let's go to work for five hours.
1
SPEAKER_00
 And so a big part of burnout is a recognition that maybe what you're doing isn't taking you towards your future self.
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And maybe you need to sit back down in your journal and reevaluate your future self.
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SPEAKER_00
Who do you really want to be?
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And how do you start making small, simple investments in your future self so that your future self keeps getting bigger and so that you start moving towards that future self?
1
SPEAKER_00
 I think another great way to avoid burnout is simply just taking time to sit and measure your gains.
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Sometimes burnout happens because you're so busy trying to get somewhere that you forgot that how much progress have you made?
1
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Let's take a second to be grateful.
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SPEAKER_00
Let's take a second to evaluate your progress.
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 appreciate your gains for a minute.
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Appreciate how great your life is.
1
SPEAKER_00
Who not how's another great antidote to burnout because maybe you're burned out because you're doing a lot of how that you don't want to do and so maybe you need a who to like what are the if you've got
1
SPEAKER_00
 five things that you do on a regular basis, which two of them are sucking all your energy, and who's to do that or get rid of them, and you just focus more and more on the one or two things that bring you energy.
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SPEAKER_00
And so I think that connecting with your future self, continually measuring the gain, applying more and more who, not how, so that you actually are generating results with less effort, but doing what you want.
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SPEAKER_00
And sometimes you just might need a break.
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SPEAKER_00
And sometimes you actually need a break from your future self.
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SPEAKER_00
 From striving so much.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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Sometimes you just do need some active recovery.
1
SPEAKER_00
I do like the concept of Steven Kotler on active recovery and flow state.
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Embedding active recovery in your life.
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SPEAKER_00
Maybe you actually do need more play.
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SPEAKER_00
Active recovery is the idea of
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 What's an outside work activity that gives you flow?
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What's an outside activity that you enjoy that gives you engagement that is kind of healing and restorative?
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SPEAKER_00
The gain is very restorative.
1
SPEAKER_00
It's like here I am versus where I was before, but what are some flow activities that you can do that bring you joy outside of work?
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SPEAKER_00
And how can you spend more time doing those?
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SPEAKER_00
Because whatever you, it's that other idea of how you do anything is how you do everything.
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SPEAKER_00
And so if you're creating flow outside of work,
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SPEAKER_00
 And there's a lot of research in occupational psychology.
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There's a concept called psychological detachment from work.
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We live in a world where our work is always pinging us, dinging us, you know, texts and emails.
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And so psychological detachment from work means you cut off work mentally, physically, and you fully engage out of work.
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And play activities.
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 and family activities.
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Yeah, yeah.
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And I think you can create a life and an environment where you're recovering enormously and you're doing activities outside of work that are restorative.
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They give you flow and then you can transfer that to having flow in your work.
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SPEAKER_00
 I think one other thing that leads people to burnout though is spending a lot of energy and not actually feeling like they're making progress.
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I have a lot of energy when I achieve a goal.
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Achieving goals gives you energy.
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It's exciting.
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If you actually give yourself deadlines and if you actually create a result and you actually watch yourself succeed and you just build some confidence because you just measured yourself against where you were before you achieved the goal rather than against your ideal.
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 You're seeing yourself move forward and that gives you excitement like success.
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Success creates confidence.
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SPEAKER_00
Success creates motivation.
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SPEAKER_00
And so watching yourself get small wins and watching yourself get big wins gives you energy.
1
SPEAKER_02
What's the one thing that holds you back from where you are to where you want to be?
1
SPEAKER_00
 I go in the gap a lot.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I go in the gap a lot.
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SPEAKER_00
Where I think about all the areas of my life that I wish I was where I was at.
1
SPEAKER_00
Currently, you wish you were there.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I can measure myself against my own ideal and then maybe it starts to feel like that's no longer possible or that I made a mistake and now that door's closed.
1
SPEAKER_02
 I should have started five years ago my YouTube channel.
1
SPEAKER_00
It's already too late or something Yeah, or just any other dream that current Benjamin Hardy's coming up with versus you know, and and so then I start to Be in the gap and not feel not feel great about my life and then I start missing all the greatness around me all the just beautiful things in my life and so
1
SPEAKER_02
 So it's getting back to the gain, what you've gained in the last month, in the last year, in the last five years or not.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, looking at your life, looking at all the gains, looking at the amazing people in your life, being genuinely humbled.
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SPEAKER_00
I have six beautiful kids, actually giving them the love that they deserve and actually loving them and just being blown away by my life.
1
SPEAKER_00
 Yeah, I think that the thing that holds a lot of people back is just that they don't love their life.
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They're still trying to get there rather than being here, you know?
1
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Love where they're at.
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, yeah, and appreciate where you're at and value where you're at.
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It doesn't mean you can't keep going.
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It doesn't mean you can't
1
SPEAKER_00
 I have goals.
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I have a future self that excites me and that I'm investing in every single day.
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But if you feel like you need that thing in order to make you feel happier, make you feel worthy, then that's the gap.
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You feel like there's something missing.
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 So I think whenever I slip into that and I think I need to be somewhere else or have achieved something, and I start to feel dark and feel like everything's going the wrong way, then I've devalued everything around me, I've put myself in a weak position, and from there you can't really move forward.
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And so regularly reminding myself of my gains, being in a state of gratitude,
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 Not only does it empower you, but it helps you see everything in your life more clearly.
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And then from there, you're in a more powerful position to move forward.
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But I think that recognizing you don't need anything.
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Like, I don't need that next achievement.
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I can want it.
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 But I don't need it.
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I'm great where I'm at.
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My life's great.
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I'm very happy.
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I'm very blessed.
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I'm very lucky.
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And I have amazing things.
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I don't need anything else.
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SPEAKER_00
And that's kind of bringing back to your own internal referencing system.
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SPEAKER_00
And once you get close to that, then nothing can really hold you back.
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 I love this stuff, man.
1
SPEAKER_02
You've talked about this 100% rule.
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SPEAKER_02
Can you tell me what that is and how it can help us accomplish our goals?
1
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Is this the 100% and 98%?
1
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Is that what you were just talking about?
1
SPEAKER_00
A little bit, yeah.
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Yeah, I mean it goes back to identity and commitment.
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Like 100% commitment is much easier than 98% commitment.
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Because if you're 98% committed, then you haven't connected your identity to your future self.
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You haven't connected your identity to where you want to go.
1
SPEAKER_00
You're still in decision fatigue.
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You're still in paralysis by analysis.
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 Really is a lot easier It's a lot easier when you just say this is who I am.
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This is what I'm gonna be You're no longer hiding from your future self.
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You're no longer hiding other people from it.
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It's like this is what I'm gonna do This is what I'm like that.
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I think the two hardest things in life for people are what do I commit myself to?
1
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What do I want?
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And then how do I get myself committed to it?
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Like you need to know what to commit to and you need to know that you can already have it You know, you can commit 100% to it
1
SPEAKER_00
 Yeah, and so yeah, once you get 100 committed you've made the decision you start investing in that future self You're no longer hiding it you start to you know, like You know you start to develop the narrative of your future self There's a great quote from Michael Jordan.
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He said once I made a decision I never thought about it again, you know, so it's like it's getting to that point of decision and and actually there's another great quote This is actually my favorite quote Lewis.
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It comes from Robert Brault He said we're kept from our goal not by obstacles, but by a clear path to a lesser goal
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 So, I'll say it again.
1
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It takes a second.
1
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We're kept from our goal, not by obstacles, but by a clear path to a lesser goal.
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So it's not the obstacles between you and your goal that's stopping you.
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You can go through those obstacles.
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You can learn through those obstacles.
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Your future self's capable.
1
SPEAKER_00
Your future self's figured that stuff out a long time ago.
1
SPEAKER_00
It's that you keep investing in lesser goals.
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SPEAKER_00
It's because there's a clear path.
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 Safer smaller goals.
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Yeah, and that's the 98% commitment.
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SPEAKER_00
It's you're still actually entertaining those lesser goals.
1
SPEAKER_00
You're still saying yes to Situations opportunities people that your future self would have said no to you know If you're still saying yes to things your future self would say no to then you're you're still saying yes to lesser goals
1
SPEAKER_00
 And so part of getting 100% committed is actually finally saying and being able to discern, you know, I'm not going to invest in that anymore.
1
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That's a lesser goal.
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That's something that former Ben may have been interested in or would have even aspired to but it no longer fits or it's a distraction.
1
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And so, you know, getting better at uncommitting
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 to those lesser goals and actually recognizing when you are spending time on things because you're not going through the obstacles and just not investing and committing 100% in the future self that you want.
2
SPEAKER_00
Right.
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SPEAKER_00
It's so interesting you say that because sometimes I look back 10 years ago and I say, wow, so many things that I did for whatever, $500 or $1,000 that
2
SPEAKER_00
 $100,000, I say no to now, for the same things.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I'm like, gosh, it's crazy to think that at one point, the person I was, would have been like, this is insane, 100,000 grand for this thing?
2
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, nah, it doesn't fit where I'm at right now.
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SPEAKER_00
The time isn't meaningful or it doesn't work for my situation.
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SPEAKER_00
It's cool to see the gain.
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You know, how far you've gone.
2
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If you're willing to reflect back all those years,
2
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 But I think sometimes we don't look deep enough into that.
2
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Well, and life in the moment could be punching you in the face.
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You've got that deadline, or you've got that goal, or something might be falling apart and stressing you out.
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SPEAKER_01
And so you're like, I'm dealing with this problem, and you forget that actually you just said no to that $150,000 opportunity that your former self would have spent.
2
SPEAKER_01
And so it is nice to regularly reflect on that and to
2
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 It's not always about patting yourself on the back, although that is a much better way of living than being a drill sergeant on yourself.
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Also, a lot of your lesser goals, they were maybe the number one goal for your former self.
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That might have been the thing that got you here, but it's not going to get you there.
2
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 You got, you know, what you want now and what you know now, you know differently than your former self.
2
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And also maybe you have different goals.
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SPEAKER_01
And so you can say no to a lot more things than your former self could have said no to.
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SPEAKER_01
That's actually how you advance, is that you're now saying no to things your former self was saying yes to.
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SPEAKER_01
Your former self was saying yes to $150 to do that opportunity.
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But you now say no to that.
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SPEAKER_01
 And so it's like, well, what does your future self say yes to?
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What does your future self, what do you want to commit to 100%?
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah, there's a really humbling quote.
2
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It's from the book, The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership.
2
SPEAKER_01
And they basically say that you can know what you're committed to by the results you're currently getting.
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SPEAKER_00
 All right, that's what you value, the results you're currently getting, yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it's like you're not committed to what you want, you're committed to what you have.
2
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If you were committed to something else, you'd have something else.
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And so that's where you have to say, okay, this is what I'm committed to, whether it's my weight, whether it's my income, whether it's I'm committed to this because I keep doing it.
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SPEAKER_00
Based on results, this is what I'm committed to.
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SPEAKER_01
 Like, whatever results you're currently getting, that's your commitment.
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And that's your identity right now.
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SPEAKER_01
And so, a big part of, well, what is the goal?
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SPEAKER_01
What do I actually want?
2
SPEAKER_01
Who is my future self?
2
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What are all of the lesser goals that I keep distracting myself with because I don't want to go through the obstacles or because I don't want to commit to my future self?
2
SPEAKER_01
And then the more you start saying no to those lesser goals, then you're actually making investments in your future self.
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SPEAKER_01
You're actually saying, I'm going to say no to that now because my future self would.
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SPEAKER_01
I'm going to say no to that opportunity, that relationship, or that bad habit.
2
SPEAKER_01
 Yeah, and that literally goes straight back to like the more connected emotionally You are to your future self and the more committed you become to your future self the more you make high quality Like this isn't the present that our investments towards that future self.
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Absolutely.
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SPEAKER_00
I love this man.
2
SPEAKER_00
This is good stuff Benjamin Hardy calm you're all over social media as well.
2
SPEAKER_00
Where do you hang out the most which which social media platform these days?
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SPEAKER_00
I think really Twitter Facebook Instagram where you I
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SPEAKER_01
 I'm mostly just starting on YouTube, so I've got, it's mostly just YouTube and then I'm in the books.
2
SPEAKER_01
So that's kind of where I'm at, man.
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SPEAKER_00
What's your YouTube?
2
SPEAKER_00
I think it's... Benjamin Hardy on YouTube?
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, Dr. Benjamin Hardy or just Benjamin Hardy.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay, cool.
2
SPEAKER_00
 Make sure to link that up here.
2
SPEAKER_00
Go subscribe.
2
SPEAKER_00
He's finally getting into YouTube.
2
SPEAKER_00
I've been doing it for a year.
2
SPEAKER_01
I've been doing it for a year.
2
SPEAKER_01
My current self's a lot further than my former self, man.
2
SPEAKER_00
I'm in the game.
2
SPEAKER_01
I've been doing it for a year.
2
SPEAKER_01
But you thought about it for five years.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I got 40,000 subs, but my future self has a lot more, man.
2
SPEAKER_01
That's great, man.
2
SPEAKER_01
But I'm in the game.
2
SPEAKER_01
You know, I'm not measuring myself against anyone else, just my former self.
2
SPEAKER_00
That's good.
2
SPEAKER_00
Making progress, man.
2
SPEAKER_00
You're measuring yourself from where you were a year ago, not having a channel.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I'll apply who not how to make 10x progress.
2
SPEAKER_00
That's good.
2
SPEAKER_00
Who not how.
2
SPEAKER_00
I like that a lot.
2
SPEAKER_00
 The book's called The Gap and the Gain.
2
SPEAKER_00
It's all about the High Achiever's Guide to Happiness, Confidence, and Success.
2
SPEAKER_00
So if that's something you want, make sure you pick up a copy of The Gap and the Gain.
2
SPEAKER_00
Some great strategies in here.
2
SPEAKER_00
Check you out on YouTube and benjaminhardy.com to check out more of your books and all of your work.
2
SPEAKER_00
A couple final questions for you.
2
SPEAKER_00
This one's called The Three Truths.
2
SPEAKER_00
So imagine a hypothetical scenario.
2
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It's your last day on Earth, many years away from here.
2
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You get to live as long as you want to live,
2
SPEAKER_00
 but eventually it's your last day.
2
SPEAKER_00
And you've accomplished all the things in the game that you want to accomplish for your future self, you become those things.
2
SPEAKER_00
But for whatever reason, you've got to take all of your work with you or it goes somewhere else.
2
SPEAKER_00
But all of your books and content and YouTube videos that you've been building for years, they're gone.
2
SPEAKER_00
 And you get to leave behind three things you know to be true.
2
SPEAKER_00
Three lessons that you would share with the rest of the world.
2
SPEAKER_00
And this is all we would have to kind of remember your work by are these three lessons of life.
2
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What would you say are those three truths for you?
2
SPEAKER_01
One is definitely that the view you have of your future is the thing driving your present.
2
SPEAKER_01
That's the direct driver of your present.
2
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Whatever view you hold of your future self.
2
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In psychology they call that prospection.
2
SPEAKER_01
 Literally, whatever view of your future self is the thing driving your present.
2
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If you believe in a God, that's going to obviously impact your future self.
2
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Whatever view you have of your own future and whatever committed view you have of your future is the driver of your present.
2
SPEAKER_01
A connected concept with that is the bigger your future, the better your present.
2
SPEAKER_01
 The only, you know, like having a bigger future, whatever that is for yourself, it could involve, you know, achieving a goal or it could be your views of the afterlife, but the bigger the future, the better the present.
2
SPEAKER_01
And your present is being driven by your future.
2
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So that's one.
2
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 I do like the quote for me that no other success can compensate for failure in the home.
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For me, my family is probably a much higher value than anything I achieve.
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I just love investing in my family.
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SPEAKER_00
Invest in your family.
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SPEAKER_01
 oh yeah, invest in my kids, and you love what you invest in.
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, that's a big part of that one, is you love whatever you invest yourself in, and whatever you invest yourself in, you're committed to.
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SPEAKER_01
And whatever you invest in is a big view of your future self.
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SPEAKER_01
Whatever you keep investing in, it's because you have some future self in that area, and whatever you invest in, it becomes bigger.
2
SPEAKER_01
Even bad habits, those become bigger too.
2
SPEAKER_01
 And so certainly those are the things I want to invest myself in.
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SPEAKER_01
So I guess the third one, I'll just make it simple, is the third one is, you know, you love whatever you invest yourself in, whatever you invest in you become committed to, and whatever you invest in compounds and becomes bigger.
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And so you have to decide.
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 What do I want to invest in?
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Because whatever I invest in, I become hyper committed to, and whatever I'm committed to is my identity, which is shaping my behavior.
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SPEAKER_01
And obviously, the more you invest in, the bigger your future self becomes in that area, for better or for worse.
2
SPEAKER_01
And so, the more investments you make in your future self and the one you want, the more committed you get to that future self, and the bigger it gets, the better your present gets.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then your present becomes beyond the dreams of your former self, regularly.
2
SPEAKER_00
 It's beautiful.
2
SPEAKER_00
I want to acknowledge you, Ben, for constantly creating this work and being invested in your future and your current self and in your family.
2
SPEAKER_00
I think the fact that you mentioned family and investing in the home.
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SPEAKER_00
 for high achievers sometimes they miss out on the thing that they're creating right now as well and investing in the people in your life who are in your home for their future as well.
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So I really admire you and acknowledge you for showing up in a way where you can have it all.
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You can be healthy, you can have
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 great relationships in your family and also work towards your goals and your future accomplishments.
2
SPEAKER_00
And it's really cool that you're doing that and serving the world in a great way with your writing and now as a YouTube star.
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SPEAKER_00
Being in the game.
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I'm just being in the game, man.
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I'm very grateful and I do like making investments.
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Even just like two days ago I just decided I would
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 cuddle with my 10-year-old or 12-year-old daughter now and just help her to sleep."
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SPEAKER_01
And that's a small investment in your future self and in her future self, right?
2
SPEAKER_01
And so you got to choose what you're going to invest yourself in.
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SPEAKER_01
But you can invest in other people and that's key as well.
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SPEAKER_00
That's great, man.
2
SPEAKER_00
Final question, what's your definition of greatness?
2
SPEAKER_01
 For now, just to keep in keeping with this conversation, I think that greatness is being true to who you want your future self to be, you know, not chasing lesser goals, uncommitted lesser goals, but just being, I think that that's a good definition of success from your greatness is that you're actually being true to the future self you want to be.
2
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It doesn't mean you have to be there yet.
2
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You don't need to go in the gap.
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SPEAKER_01
 my current self is not the be all end all, I'm gonna get there, but that I'm investing in my future self and I'm being more true to the future self I wanna be than to someone else.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then also, just staying in the game.
2
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Measuring myself only against my former self, not against you, not against anyone else.
2
SPEAKER_01
Staying in the game, recognizing and appreciating my own progress while being continuously more true, committed, and investing in the future self that I most believe in.
2
SPEAKER_01
The future self that I most want.
2
SPEAKER_01
I think that's pretty close for me.
2
SPEAKER_00
 Love it.
2
SPEAKER_00
Dr. Ben Hardy.
2
SPEAKER_00
Thanks, man.
2
SPEAKER_00
Appreciate it.
2
SPEAKER_01
No worries, bro.
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Good stuff.
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Thank you so much for listening.
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I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness.
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Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's show with all the important links.
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And also make sure to share this with a friend.
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Leave us a review over on Apple Podcasts and subscribe over on Apple Podcasts as well.
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 I really love hearing feedback from you guys, so share a review over on Apple and let me know what part of this episode resonated with you the most.
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And if no one's told you lately, I want to remind you that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter.
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And now it's time to go out there and do something great.