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Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous.
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I m Buck Rogers and I m joined by Starship Trooper.
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Wow.
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That s your new nickname, Starship Trooper.
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It feels too sci-fi for me.
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I m not very sci-fi.
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And it s probably obvious that it s just a carryover from Thursday s episode.
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You don t have to say that.
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Well, I m just trying to pull open the Komodo.
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I don t want to take a big old gander.
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You say Komodo?
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Komono.
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I know, but it sounded like you said Komodo, which is kind of a mix of Komono and Komode.
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Yes, sure.
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Which is like pull open the lid to the Komodo.
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Also very revealing.
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Very.
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And potentially exposing, yes, yes.
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This is our holiday episode.
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The prompt was tell us about a wild holiday vacation.
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To be clear.
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This is our holiday armchair anonymous prompt.
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It s not the holiday armchair expert episode.
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That s to come Yes, and it will not be on Friday s armchair anonymous.
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It ll be on next Friday s chair anonymous slot Next Friday, it ll be a week from today.
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Oh Strike all that from the record
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This is the last Armchair Anonymous of the year.
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This is the last one of the year.
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Yep.
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And you can listen to this one.
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I just, I went through them all.
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You can.
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I listened and I didn t puke.
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Well, there s one that s, it s not pukey, but it s, it gets a little nasty.
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Yeah, the exploding.
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Yeah.
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Okay.
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Well, look, you know, I think if you ve made it this far and I m sure anonymous, this ll be, this ll be nothing.
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I agree.
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Yeah.
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This is good to go.
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Play it on Christmas morning with the whole family as they re unwrapping presents.
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Please enjoy crazy wild holiday vacation stories.
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Come and go.
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Take them slow.
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All right, we got holidays.
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All right, here s Kim.
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I wonder if it s my friend, Kim.
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Hi.
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Is that your friend, Kim?
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No.
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No, she thought maybe it might be her friend, Kim.
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I think I am your friend, Kim.
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I feel like I am.
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That s exactly right.
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You re my new friend, Kim.
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Kim, where are you?
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I am in a suburb outside of Philadelphia called Wayne, Pennsylvania.
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And are you from there?
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I am not from here.
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We moved here end of 2019.
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Just before?
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Just before.
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From where?
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Where were you leaving?
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We were outside of DC, Arlington, Virginia.
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Okay.
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Is there a military?
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Is there a government, anything?
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No, it s for my husband s work, but just where we lived.
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He s not an FBI agent.
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He s not.
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Okay.
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Maybe they re not allowed to tell a CIA.
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CIA, I don t know if they can tell you.
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FBI, they can tell you.
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Who knows?
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We ll see.
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Maybe it s revealed in the holiday vacation story.
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Okay, so you have a crazy, or I guess it wasn t crazy wild we used?
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Anything.
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Any holiday story you got doozy for us?
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I would call it both crazy and wild, and I m excited to tell it to you guys.
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So at the time of this story, I m dating this guy.
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We ll call him Zach.
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And he is a Capricorn like you, Zach.
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We just did a lot of Capricorn investigation this morning.
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We happen to be really brushed up on it right now.
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Yes.
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I think he really fits the bill.
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So his birthday is January 1st.
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Oh.
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His celebration is always tied into New Year s Eve with friends, rolling into New Year s Day, his birthday.
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So his 30th birthday is coming up and at this point we ve been dating for about a year.
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We decide we re going to take a big trip to celebrate.
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We re going to go to Europe and three other couples of our friends end up joining.
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And we re all going to meet in Paris on New Year s Eve, celebrate Zach s birthday.
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What could be more romantic?
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No, this is incredible.
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I m just so excited.
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This is our first big trip.
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This is the first extended time I m taking with his friends.
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And you learn so much about someone when you travel with them.
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For better or worse.
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Right, so things are going great and we get to Paris.
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Zach and I got really lucky because the parents of one of my little sister s friends had heard we were going.
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They have an apartment in Paris that they weren t using and said, you can stay there.
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Is it Bradley Cooper?
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Is that his apartment?
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I wish.
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But it was very nice.
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We get there and it s beautiful.
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It s so centrally located.
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You pop your head out of one of those little balcony windows.
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You re looking right at the Eiffel Tower.
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So everything is great.
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And the plan for the night is we re all going to gather at our apartment.
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We re going to pregame with some charcuterie, some champagne.
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We re all dressing up even though it s really cold out.
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In our head it s this super classy event and then we re going to go up to Montmartre to watch fireworks from where the Sacré-Cœur is on the top of this big hill.
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So we re on the train, we have had our champagne, finished like a whole bottle of wine on the train, keep drinking when we re up at the hill, smoking lots of cigarettes.
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doing everything that just, like, an American would be doing in Paris.
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Stopping to write a poem here and there.
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Right.
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Midnight comes and we all share some sloppy kisses with our respective significant others.
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This is about the time that my memory is starting to get a little hazy.
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Okay, sure, sure.
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Midnight passes and we go down to the hill.
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We find this bar and a couple of things I remember about the bars.
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One, we go up to the bartender and I asked them for a shot that s going to taste really good.
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And whatever they hand me back is on fire.
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Oh, maybe absinthe.
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Yeah.
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I take the shot.
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Obviously that really helps my memory get even hazier from there.
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The other thing I remember about the bar is that it was either enormous or the layout was just super confusing, but this point has been validated by the fact that actually another girl in our group got lost within the bar and it was very hard to find your way back from the bathroom.
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Everyone s lost.
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This is incredible.
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Inside of a place.
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Her boyfriend s crying hysterically, certain she s gone forever.
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Everyone s hammered.
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Oh my god.
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She just wanders up casually like, what s wrong?
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What s going on?
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Mike, what is it?
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I thought you were dead.
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My fate was a little different.
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I went to the bathroom at one point and I came out and I don t know what time it was but the bar is starting to shut down and I can t find my friends.
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I m separated.
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Now this young Parisian man approaches me and he s trying to help me.
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I m explaining that I m separated.
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I m trying to find my boyfriend.
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I m in distress.
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He may have been flirting with me.
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I don t know.
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We ll never really know.
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I asked him if I can use his phone.
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The problem is that it s 2014 going into 2015.
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So we have iPhones, but no one really has international data plans.
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Right.
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Sure.
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Only like one or two people in our group s phone would even work out in the wild without wifi.
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And my boyfriend s one of them, but I don t know any phone numbers.
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So my drunken mind thinks that the best and only way to contact my friends is to somehow get on Facebook and send them a message that eventually they ll see.
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Tomorrow when they re looking at Facebook in the morning hungover.
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Right.
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So, bad news is that my Parisian man does not have access to Facebook on his phone.
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Good news is that he tells me he has a computer at his apartment I could log on.
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Uh-oh.
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Oh my God.
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Perfect.
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Oh no.
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Didn t mean a perfect idea.
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Let s go to a second location.
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Never go to a second location.
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Only third locations.
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Only the third.
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That s right.
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You can say that on scene.
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Oh.
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So I follow him and I end up mounting his moped and we are driving away from the bar.
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Oh my God, hold on.
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If I m your boyfriend and you ve gone to the bathroom and I walk outside and I see you drive off with a French dude on a fucking moped and it s my birthday.
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Oh yeah.
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Let s not forget it s my birthday.
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Yeah.
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It s at this point that I notice his ponytail hanging out from under his helmet.
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And I mean, that detail has absolutely no bearing on the story, but it feels really... But it does.
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It s telling.
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I thought you were going to say, actually, it was a girl.
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Oh, that would be safer.
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That would feel much safer.
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If I see you drive off with a gal on her moped, I m like, well, that s a fun adventure they re about to have.
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I have no idea how long we drive, where we drive to.
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I m so drunk.
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I don t know how I didn t fall off and die.
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But we get to his apartment and there is, in fact, a computer.
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And I m trying to log on.
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Of course, Facebook is putting me through all these security prompts because I m in a foreign country trying to access my account from an unknown device.
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And it s at this point that I m like,
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You know what, Kim?
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This isn t a great situation.
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This guy probably doesn t really want to help you find your boyfriend.
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He probably wants you to stay here with his ponytail.
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Take your clothes off and...
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I panic.
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I m like, I gotta go.
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I bolt out of the apartment.
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He doesn t follow me.
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It s fine.
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I get to the street, but I have no money.
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I have no phone.
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Everything I had was like in my boyfriend s pocket.
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I cannot believe how far you got from the bathroom on accident.
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This is like such a disaster.
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I know.
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I m sorry, Monica.
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I knew it would really stress you out.
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I m here telling the story.
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So just know that.
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Spoiler, you re alive.
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I hail down a cab, I m crying, I m trying to explain my situation to him, he takes pity
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on me and gives me a ride.
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Some miracle, I remember the name of our street.
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So he gets me close enough that I m starting to kind of recognize my surroundings and I find the building we re staying in.
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And then second miracle, I remember the code to the keypad to get into like the first door.
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Wow.
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You couldn t get from the bathroom to the people, but you could get- But now you re really on fire, yeah.
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Maybe the flaming shot.
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Yeah, it sounds like the absence straightened you out a little bit.
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So I m in this little airlock vestibule where, you know, they have like the mailboxes and the trash cans.
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Real quick question.
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You had taken a train to go see these fireworks and then you walked to a bar.
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So presumably that bar was pretty far away from where you were staying.
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It was pretty far.
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So it was a lengthy cab ride.
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Okay.
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And of course they can t leave.
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Right.
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Well, we re going to find out, but like my girlfriend goes to the bathroom.
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She doesn t come back.
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I m not like, I bet you ll figure out how to get 20 minutes back to the I m going to stay there forever.
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Okay.
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Anyways.
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So I m in this airlock, I m furiously trying to figure out how to use the call, buzz box.
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No one s answering, it may be user error, I don t know.
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But I kind of resign myself to the fact of you re gonna be here for a little while.
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So I kind of crouch like fetal position, I m trying to just cover myself with my coat because it s warmer than it is outside, but there s no heat.
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So it s still really cold.
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I m in a dress and stockings and heels.
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It went from 35 to 54.
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Yeah, yeah.
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I might ve slept a little bit, I don t know, but at some point, this older French man opens the door, he s walking his dog in the morning, and I jump up and I grab the door to go in, and he s trying to stop me like, who are you?
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Why do you think you can come in this building?
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He probably thought I was some unhoused stranger.
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Yeah, prostitute.
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Strung out.
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Oh, wow, prostitute.
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I mean, I did a little duolingo leading up to the trip, but nothing that s helping me in this scenario.
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So we re kind of screaming at each other, and I just get past and run upstairs.
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I m banging on the door.
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Zach opens the door.
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So he had gotten back before you.
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He had gotten back before me.
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And we just kind of look at each other.
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We really don t exchange many words.
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I think we kind of hugged.
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We fall asleep back in bed immediately.
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But now our phones are ding, ding.
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We re back on Wi-Fi.
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The rest of our group is trying to find out, where s Kim?
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Is she alive?
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Yeah.
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What are we doing to find her?
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Half of them had been up half the night figuring out how we re going to contact the embassy.
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Do we call her parents?
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100%.
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What do we do?
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Amanda knocks.
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The other half had attempted to do a little search party, but they re like, what do we do?
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We re going to these closed bars being like, hey, have you seen this drunk white girl with dark hair?
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It s New Year s Eve.
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So they were kind of like, well, she s gone.
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Let s head back.
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Zach says that his plan, we re debriefing now.
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He and I are getting each other s stories.
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He was trying to find me.
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He s looking around a little bit, but I think it was just that kind of feeling of like, what do you do with no phone and nothing?
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His phone actually got stolen out of his hand by apparently a teenager on a skateboard is what one of our other friends in the group told us.
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This is a very messy night.
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He chases after the thief with a corkscrew that he had in his pocket as his weapon.
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So we re just all in bad shape.
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His plan was to come home, have a water, have a coffee, get back to looking for me.
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But of course, in reality, he passed out and was awoken to me banging on the door.
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Oh my God.
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We meet up with our friends just to kind of show some proof of life, but we re so tired.
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Everything s miserable.
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We head back to the apartment.
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We sleep off this shame, this hangover, all of that.
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And again, it s his birthday.
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So I m feeling terrible.
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He says that the only thing he really wants to do is watch a movie.
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And we spend an embarrassing amount of time trying to figure out how to stream American content on our computer, okay?
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And when I tell you the effort he put into finding the movie he wanted to watch, which I ultimately find out is Fletch.
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Oh, my favorite.
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My favorite.
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Number one comedy of all time.
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I thought you might agree there, but the effort he put into that had to have been more than the effort he put into finding me.
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And I kind of got mad for a minute, and then I had to remind myself, Kim, you left the bar with a ponytailed Parisian on a moped on his birthday.
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Okay.
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Everyone took responsibility.
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Yeah, yeah.
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And that leads us to what I think is the craziest part of this story.
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After that night, he did not break up with me.
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We have been now married for five years.
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What?
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Oh, I definitely thought that was the end.
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Yes.
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By the way, this whole time I m kind of projecting onto him.
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You said he s a Capricorn?
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Yes.
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I want to be very clear.
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If I were drunk,
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I got to add, if I were drunk, sober, I wouldn t think this, but drunk, I think I would be like, I would never do this to you.
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I wouldn t be this irresponsible.
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I wouldn t jump on someone s and just fucking leave you.
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My little be self-sufficient, don t be a pull on other people would have, I think, justified some bad behavior from me.
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I can imagine just going, well, fuck this.
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I m out of here.
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She ruined the whole thing by taking off.
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You didn t know she took off with the ponytail.
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You would never know that.
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Well, he knows that she left the bar.
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Well, he knows she s lost.
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That s all anyone knows.
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He says that his mindset was just without having planned a meeting point, going home would be like the only place we would know.
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That s pragmatic.
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That is what I would have thought.
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We read pragmatic in the Capricorn description today, right?
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That s right.
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We did.
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But then the other funny thing is that we have actually also spent every single New Year s Eve since that trip with those same friends, except, of course, my ponytailed Parisians.
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And have things cleaned up a little bit over the years?
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Not really.
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Let s hope he s got a wayward, lost tourist using his computer right now.
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The pony.
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That seems like what he liked, yeah.
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Yeah.
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So Zach is his real name, but I just didn t want to bury the lead that he s my husband, but he was the one who really encouraged me to submit this story.
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Oh, I love it.
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Yeah, I m just super grateful that he was so non-judgmental.
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We re both of you, because I could easily, in your situation, have been like, you left in Paris with my phone?
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We rehash the story a lot with our friends, and our favorite way to retell it is that Zach opens the door, and he s just like super well-rested.
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He s making this huge breakfast.
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He s listening to Tom Jones, like, fresh-squeezed orange juice.
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Having the best birthday of his life.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, you re back.
1
SPEAKER_02
I knew you d be back.
1
SPEAKER_02
Wasn t worried.
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, that was great.
1
SPEAKER_02
Kim.
1
SPEAKER_02
That was lovely.
1
SPEAKER_02
I m so delighted.
1
SPEAKER_02
You re still together.
1
SPEAKER_00
Thank you.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
I just have to say, I am so excited to be talking to you guys.
1
SPEAKER_00
I am a huge fan.
1
SPEAKER_00
I literally have listened to every single episode from day one.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m just so grateful.
1
SPEAKER_00
I learned so much from you guys.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh my God.
1
SPEAKER_02
Thank you.
1
SPEAKER_00
You re awesome.
1
SPEAKER_00
My new friend Kim.
1
SPEAKER_00
And also, at the risk of sounding like a suck-up, I just want to add that, Wobby Wob, you are a man of few words on this show, but every time you do speak, it is such quality content.
1
SPEAKER_00
I love when you have little features, so I just had to add that.
1
SPEAKER_02
Do you want to respond?
1
SPEAKER_02
Thank you.
1
SPEAKER_02
You ve seen him, too.
1
SPEAKER_02
Have you seen him?
1
SPEAKER_00
Of course.
1
SPEAKER_00
I follow him on Instagram.
1
SPEAKER_02
He s obnoxiously cute, isn t he?
1
SPEAKER_00
He s really cute, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, we were just in Vegas together for the race, and he was getting attacked.
1
SPEAKER_00
I was really jealous of all the places you re eating and everything you were doing.
1
SPEAKER_00
Thank you.
1
SPEAKER_00
Thank you for being jealous.
1
SPEAKER_02
I guess that s the ultimate compliment.
1
SPEAKER_02
Well, Kim, this was a blast.
1
SPEAKER_02
I love that story and it s coming up.
1
SPEAKER_02
So wish him a happy birthday.
1
SPEAKER_02
We re just around the corner.
1
SPEAKER_00
I will.
1
SPEAKER_00
Can I call him in here?
1
SPEAKER_02
Yes, of course.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, we have a little visitor.
1
SPEAKER_02
Hi, Zach.
1
SPEAKER_02
Hey, how s it going?
1
SPEAKER_02
Wonderful.
1
SPEAKER_02
We just heard this delightful story of Paris on New Year s.
1
SPEAKER_02
What a story, huh?
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, you guys made it.
1
SPEAKER_01
We made it out alive and got a little one to show for it.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yes, you do.
1
SPEAKER_02
Successful trip.
1
SPEAKER_02
She looks like Cindy Lou Who right now.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh my God, that is so cute.
1
SPEAKER_03
Go see Anne.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, what d she say?
1
SPEAKER_02
She wants to go watch the Anne School March.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, yes, as you should, as you should.
1
SPEAKER_02
I want to do that, too.
1
SPEAKER_02
Well, nice meeting you, beautiful family.
1
SPEAKER_00
You, too.
1
SPEAKER_00
Thank you guys so much.
1
SPEAKER_00
All right, take care.
1
SPEAKER_00
Bye.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh my God, what a cutie pie.
1
SPEAKER_03
Oh, she was so cute.
1
SPEAKER_02
She wasn t.
1
SPEAKER_02
She said something in a little baby voice.
1
SPEAKER_03
I know.
1
SPEAKER_03
I wanted to.
1
SPEAKER_02
I want to watch the show.
1
SPEAKER_03
I want to do ants.
1
SPEAKER_02
Make me a milkshake.
1
SPEAKER_03
Make me some ants.
1
SPEAKER_02
Ants on a log?
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, that was never for me because of raisins.
1
SPEAKER_03
I don t like raisins.
1
SPEAKER_02
You hate raisins.
1
SPEAKER_03
Hello.
1
SPEAKER_03
Hello.
1
SPEAKER_01
Evan, how are you?
1
SPEAKER_01
Doing very well.
1
SPEAKER_01
Really good to see you guys.
1
SPEAKER_01
You ve hung up some sound dampening.
1
SPEAKER_03
Thank you.
1
SPEAKER_01
My pleasure.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I ve made a full blanket fort for you guys.
1
SPEAKER_03
I really appreciate it.
1
SPEAKER_03
Dax thinks I m making this up.
1
SPEAKER_03
You said that last time because someone was on, I cut it out, but someone was on and said, I m adhering to the bit of making it, you know, soundproof.
1
SPEAKER_03
And then you said it is a bit and it is not a bit.
1
SPEAKER_02
It s not a bit.
1
SPEAKER_03
I almost had to cut a whole story because someone was in the
2
SPEAKER_02
bathroom and you can barely understand.
2
SPEAKER_01
Right.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s not a bit, it s sincere, but it has become a bit.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s also true.
2
SPEAKER_02
It has become a bit, but I need everyone to please follow the rules.
2
SPEAKER_01
Follow the rules even though it s a bit.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m sweating in here.
2
SPEAKER_00
I ve got blankets up all directions.
2
SPEAKER_01
I could have died at the hands of this request.
2
SPEAKER_01
Where are you, Evan?
2
SPEAKER_00
Right now, I am in my trailer that I live out of in Sedona.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh, we love Sedona.
2
SPEAKER_02
We had the best trip there.
2
SPEAKER_02
Enchanted.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s a pretty special place.
2
SPEAKER_00
So yeah, my wife and I live full time on the road.
2
SPEAKER_00
So we re in Sedona for a bit and then on to the next place.
2
SPEAKER_01
So how long will you stay in Sedona?
2
SPEAKER_01
How long have you been there?
2
SPEAKER_00
We ve been here for about a week.
2
SPEAKER_00
We ll be here for another couple of weeks.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then I think we ll head a little farther south, just kind of chasing 70 degrees, get as much mountain biking and climbing in as possible.
2
SPEAKER_00
Still working too.
2
SPEAKER_00
What a life.
2
SPEAKER_01
So you re a climber.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_01
I would love to see you with your shirt off.
2
SPEAKER_01
I can tell things are really tight.
2
SPEAKER_01
I can tell by the deltoids and it s not even a revealing shirt, but I know you have arrows.
2
SPEAKER_01
I can feel it.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh, God.
2
SPEAKER_01
You do, don t you?
2
SPEAKER_01
If it keeps getting warmer in here, we can arrange that.
2
SPEAKER_01
He has arrows, Monica.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay, Evan, please tell us about your holiday story.
2
SPEAKER_02
Please tell us about your arrows.
2
SPEAKER_01
Please show me your arrows and then tell me about the holiday story.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay, so this one takes place around Christmas time last year.
2
SPEAKER_00
And so a little backstory, my mother-in-law is a lifelong nurse and she has worked every major holiday for the last 10 years.
2
SPEAKER_00
So while everyone else is having Christmas together, she s working and allowing other people to do that with their families.
2
SPEAKER_00
And this last Christmas, she put her foot down and said, I m not,
2
SPEAKER_00
working Christmas anymore.
2
SPEAKER_00
I want to be with my family.
2
SPEAKER_00
Not only did she want to be with her family, but she wanted to visit us where we were living, which is in Boulder, Colorado at the time.
2
SPEAKER_01
In a permanent dwelling then?
2
SPEAKER_01
Or were you on the road then as well?
2
SPEAKER_00
Permanently dwelling in Boulder there.
2
SPEAKER_00
We were there for three years.
2
SPEAKER_00
We ve been in Colorado for 10 years.
2
SPEAKER_00
Just this last summer, we decided to... Said, fuck this.
2
SPEAKER_00
Try something different.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
So we arranged to get her the postcard Christmas that she deserves.
2
SPEAKER_00
We booked a little cabin up in the woods, this little mountain town in Colorado.
2
SPEAKER_00
And everything was all set to go.
2
SPEAKER_00
And one week before Christmas, I get an email in my inbox saying the property has been sold.
2
SPEAKER_00
Here s your money back.
2
SPEAKER_00
Have a good rest of your day.
2
SPEAKER_01
God, this happened to me in Miami for the formula one race two years ago.
2
SPEAKER_01
It feels unacceptable.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like when it happens, you re like, no, no, no, this can t happen.
2
SPEAKER_02
I agree.
2
SPEAKER_01
What if Evan proceeds to tell us that he murdered the proprietor?
2
SPEAKER_01
And now he s on the road.
2
SPEAKER_01
He s on the road.
2
SPEAKER_01
He s on the lam.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
Spoiler.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
These blankets are up all the time.
2
SPEAKER_00
But yeah, it was awful.
2
SPEAKER_00
It was devastating.
2
SPEAKER_00
Mostly for mom, right?
2
SPEAKER_00
Like she s coming out here.
2
SPEAKER_00
We wanted to do this for her.
2
SPEAKER_00
So we had to come up with something new.
2
SPEAKER_00
And my wife and I are kind of typical millennials.
2
SPEAKER_00
We don t have a lot of Christmas stuff.
2
SPEAKER_00
Just hanging around, we celebrate Christmas, but we don t go all out.
2
SPEAKER_02
Is that a typical millennial?
2
SPEAKER_01
What s the, what s the hangup is like too corny or it s too indulgent, too materialistic.
2
SPEAKER_01
What is the objection?
2
SPEAKER_00
Maybe the materialism and just like owning the stuff.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like at my mom s house, there s a whole wall of boxes.
2
SPEAKER_01
I get that.
2
SPEAKER_02
Then I m an atypical millennial.
2
SPEAKER_02
Cause I love so much stuff.
2
SPEAKER_01
You want to ultimately die from being buried under your, not credenzas, but what do you keep collecting?
2
SPEAKER_01
Armors.
2
SPEAKER_01
Death by armor.
2
SPEAKER_00
So we got the Christmas tree, you know, we got the tinsel and everything and we got it set up and it was looking pretty good.
2
SPEAKER_00
We had the Christmas music going and the little fireplace video on the TV looking real cozy.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, nice.
2
SPEAKER_00
So extra special Christmas in Colorado because last year a wicked cold front came through and it got to negative 19 degrees in like the Denver Boulder area and the couple of days leading up to Christmas.
2
SPEAKER_00
So my in-laws fly in from Florida to be greeted by
2
SPEAKER_00
the negative 19 degree weather, but we re making it work and we re hanging out in the house for a few days.
2
SPEAKER_00
Another piece of backstory is that half of my in-laws have Crohn s disease, so you can imagine the toilets in our house, we re getting a little bit of work, they re getting some exercise in the couple days leading up to this.
2
SPEAKER_00
Stretching their legs.
2
SPEAKER_00
Flash forward to Christmas Eve, we re having a nice Christmas
2
SPEAKER_00
Eve breakfast, drinking our Christmas Eve coffee and coffee starts doing what it tends to do.
2
SPEAKER_00
Time to go to the bathroom and so my father-in-law and me, there are two bathrooms upstairs.
2
SPEAKER_00
We go to our respective bathrooms and just doing our business and I hear him flush the toilet and then I hear a loud rush and I hear a crash.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then I hear screams coming from downstairs.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, wow.
2
SPEAKER_01
Wow, wow, wow, wow.
2
SPEAKER_01
This is exciting.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m scared.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m going to resist guessing.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_02
Thanks.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Monica hates it.
2
SPEAKER_01
Monica hates me.
2
SPEAKER_00
So, I guess a pipe head burst?
2
SPEAKER_00
And it had crashed through the ceiling and shit all over Christmas.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_01
The exhaust of the toilet ruptured, flooded the ceiling, the ceiling immediately buckled or got saturated and crumbled.
2
SPEAKER_00
Flimsy ceiling and it just went right through.
2
SPEAKER_01
Raining dad shit.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
2
SPEAKER_01
Merry Christmas.
2
SPEAKER_00
Christmas miracle.
2
SPEAKER_00
Leading up to it, we had a few days of the toilet getting some work done.
2
SPEAKER_00
by the rest of the family too, so it was about as bad as you could ve asked for.
2
SPEAKER_02
For people like puking and stuff, I mean, once it happens.
2
SPEAKER_01
I gotta imagine though the whole family s pretty chill with shit, if everyone has Crohn s.
2
SPEAKER_02
Raining on you is a different scenario.
2
SPEAKER_01
That is a new development.
2
SPEAKER_01
But I imagine no one s like super touchy about it, right?
2
SPEAKER_00
The number of poop jokes and farting out loud, it s just part of the process.
2
SPEAKER_00
This was a little next level, but it s definitely something we re used to.
2
SPEAKER_01
Who begins cleaning it up?
2
SPEAKER_01
Your father-in-law?
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t know actually who began cleaning it up, but I think there was a good moment of shock and pause.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then we said, okay, well, we got to do something about this.
2
SPEAKER_00
And so we start cleaning up and we call the complex manager.
2
SPEAKER_00
And they were amazing immediately.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I think it was like negative 15 degrees at this point, Christmas Eve, they called someone and got someone out right away.
2
SPEAKER_00
And so they had people coming in and looking at the walls, look at the pipes.
2
SPEAKER_00
And they said, they re going to send a plumber.
2
SPEAKER_00
This is where I started thinking, wait a second.
2
SPEAKER_00
I was also on the toilet at the same time.
2
SPEAKER_00
And when this happened,
2
SPEAKER_00
You bet I didn t flush the toilet there because that was just going to rain down again.
2
SPEAKER_00
Smart.
2
SPEAKER_00
So sitting in the upstairs bathroom is just a toilet full of my poop.
2
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
2
SPEAKER_00
Christmas Eve.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t know what the etiquette is on this, but I didn t want to subject this angel saint who s coming out on Christmas Eve to come help us.
2
SPEAKER_00
I didn t want to subject him to a toilet bowl full of
2
SPEAKER_00
My own shit.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I did what made sense at the time and I said, okay Well, if I can t flush it down, let s like get it out.
2
SPEAKER_00
Sure.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay, you thought I better transfer it.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yes, exactly Okay, I m glad you guys aren t thinking this is totally weird.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I get the doggy bags, right?
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, this is great put your hand in there and dip it in and just
2
SPEAKER_00
Picking things out one at a time.
2
SPEAKER_01
Obviously it goes without saying it was firm enough for you to do that.
2
SPEAKER_00
Lucky.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m so glad you asked.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I ve picked up plenty of dog poop in my life and you kind of know what it feels like.
2
SPEAKER_00
There s something extra awful about picking up your own poop out of cold toilet bowl water.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
That had been sitting there for like 20 minutes.
2
SPEAKER_00
This is going to be one of those ones you can t listen to.
2
SPEAKER_00
It was not nearly as solid as any of us were expecting.
2
SPEAKER_00
I was definitely hoping it would be a bit of an easier job and it turned into a bit of a disaster.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Sure.
2
SPEAKER_01
Problem number two.
2
SPEAKER_01
The transfer.
2
SPEAKER_01
If this is a movie, there d be a title card.
2
SPEAKER_01
This should be a movie.
2
SPEAKER_02
I don t understand how it s not.
2
SPEAKER_02
This is the shittiest Christmas imaginable.
2
SPEAKER_00
There we go.
2
SPEAKER_00
So picked up as much as I could, and I honestly probably made it worse.
2
SPEAKER_00
This poor plumber has to deal with that.
2
SPEAKER_00
But thinking about it now, like our whole house was just covered in shit anyways.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t think he probably would have been too offended by seeing one more.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_02
In its respective area, like where it should be.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, at least it was contained to the commode.
2
SPEAKER_00
The complex arranges for us to get in a hotel.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s amazing, you know, last second hotel, Christmas Eve.
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, we get out there and it s only one room.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s a decent sized room, but it s one room and there are six of us.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, and we re probably already all kind of smell like shit anyways.
2
SPEAKER_03
Oh, my God.
2
SPEAKER_00
The shit family s here.
2
SPEAKER_03
Oh my god.
2
SPEAKER_00
The shits have arrived.
2
SPEAKER_00
You guys walk in and everyone s like, ugh.
2
SPEAKER_00
But we were going to make it work.
2
SPEAKER_00
We didn t want to ruin Christmas.
2
SPEAKER_00
We had all the presents in the car, and we were just about to move in.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then we got a call from the complex saying, hey, your house is fixed.
2
SPEAKER_00
There s some holes in the wall, but we fixed everything.
2
SPEAKER_00
You re good to come back if you want.
2
SPEAKER_00
So we stopped at the store on the way back and got some industrial sanitizer.
2
SPEAKER_00
And we spent the rest of Christmas Eve having some quality family time.
3
SPEAKER_03
cleaning and sanitizing and scrubbing and cleaning and sanitizing and scrubbing.
3
SPEAKER_03
Wow.
3
SPEAKER_02
Again, flashbacks to the O.R.
3
SPEAKER_02
for mom.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_02
She just can t escape it.
3
SPEAKER_02
There was shit and then there was sterilizing fluids everywhere.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_03
She probably was very much looking forward to avoiding that on Christmas and we brought it to her.
3
SPEAKER_02
So what if the mom like midway through all this was like, I m going to work the rest of the Christmas list.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, never taking Christmas off.
3
SPEAKER_02
I learned my lesson.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_02
The universe wants me to be helping.
3
SPEAKER_03
We got it so clean that the skin on my wife s feet were falling off because of all the disinfectants.
3
SPEAKER_03
And then the next day we just had an absolutely fabulous Christmas, just made extra special by the events the day before.
3
SPEAKER_02
Wow.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_02
Very bonding to be through some, some trauma like that.
3
SPEAKER_02
Oh, well, Evan, this was a, this was lovely.
3
SPEAKER_02
Right up my alley.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
We haven t had a poop in a while, so that was good.
3
SPEAKER_00
We needed it.
3
SPEAKER_02
We did.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_02
Figured.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_02
Nice poopy Christmas story.
3
SPEAKER_02
All right, well, have fun out on the road.
3
SPEAKER_02
And if you feel indulgent, go to enchanted and get the burger.
3
SPEAKER_02
If you eat burgers, holy shit.
3
SPEAKER_03
Evening plans right there.
3
SPEAKER_02
It s so fucking good.
3
SPEAKER_00
There s brisket on it.
3
SPEAKER_02
Enchanted enchantment.
3
SPEAKER_02
Do you know the hotel we re talking about in Sedona?
3
SPEAKER_02
There s a really nice hotel in Sedona in its own little cave.
3
SPEAKER_02
And I think it s enchantment.
3
SPEAKER_02
All right.
3
SPEAKER_02
Happy holidays.
3
SPEAKER_02
Thanks for telling us the story.
3
SPEAKER_02
You too.
3
SPEAKER_00
No, I feel itchy.
3
SPEAKER_00
Cause it s a sweater and cause of that story.
3
SPEAKER_02
You want that tank top?
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Hi.
3
SPEAKER_00
Hello.
3
SPEAKER_02
Hi, we can hear you so well.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, good.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m glad.
3
SPEAKER_02
How are you?
3
SPEAKER_01
I m good.
3
SPEAKER_01
How are you?
3
SPEAKER_01
It s so good to see you guys.
3
SPEAKER_02
Right back at you.
3
SPEAKER_02
Where are you at?
3
SPEAKER_01
I m in Olympia, Washington.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, you are.
3
SPEAKER_00
I really like your middle part.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, thank you.
3
SPEAKER_02
A fisherman always sees another fisherman at sea.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m doing middle parts now.
3
SPEAKER_00
I love it.
3
SPEAKER_02
With great feedback.
3
SPEAKER_02
It s all over the comments.
3
SPEAKER_02
People love how you look with a middle part.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_02
Every third comment is about your middle part.
3
SPEAKER_01
I love your sweater.
3
SPEAKER_01
Thanks.
3
SPEAKER_00
Great colors.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s a little itchy right now.
3
SPEAKER_02
She was just debating switching into something else.
3
SPEAKER_02
That s what you heard at the beginning.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, tank top.
3
SPEAKER_00
But I do like the way it looks, thank you.
3
SPEAKER_02
Okay, so you re in Olympia, and does your holiday story take place in Olympia?
3
SPEAKER_01
It does not.
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SPEAKER_01
It is an actual holiday vacation.
3
SPEAKER_01
So we left for the holidays.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
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SPEAKER_01
Wonderful.
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SPEAKER_01
Let s hear it.
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SPEAKER_01
Yes.
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SPEAKER_01
Okay.
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SPEAKER_01
So the vacation happened 2022.
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SPEAKER_01
So last Christmas time.
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SPEAKER_01
The story begins in 2021.
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SPEAKER_01
My family doesn t take that many vacations.
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SPEAKER_01
We have a family business.
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SPEAKER_01
So my dad doesn t take too much time off.
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SPEAKER_01
So when he s got
3
SPEAKER_01
seven days at a time.
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SPEAKER_01
He s like, I m going to take the seven days.
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SPEAKER_01
So we were scheduled 2021 to go to Puerto Vallarta.
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SPEAKER_01
Me and my brother, my sister, my mom, my dad.
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SPEAKER_02
Are you the middle?
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SPEAKER_01
I m the oldest.
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SPEAKER_02
You re the oldest.
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SPEAKER_02
OK.
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SPEAKER_01
So we waited too long to book where we re going to stay.
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SPEAKER_01
And finally, we re like, OK, there s nowhere to go.
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SPEAKER_01
So we ll just try and postpone it.
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SPEAKER_01
So
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SPEAKER_01
We postpone, my dad has to write a letter to the airline to get a new booking going.
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SPEAKER_01
And so he s like, okay, we have to do another one next year.
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SPEAKER_01
We have to schedule it between these dates.
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SPEAKER_01
We plan a new trip to Cancun.
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SPEAKER_01
He does the whole nine yards.
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SPEAKER_01
There s an infinity pool at this Airbnb we booked.
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SPEAKER_01
We got a rental car.
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SPEAKER_01
He booked us tours.
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SPEAKER_01
He s on it.
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SPEAKER_02
He s making up for this shit in the bed the previous year.
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SPEAKER_01
Exactly.
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SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
We are set to go Christmas Eve through New Year s Eve.
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SPEAKER_01
So we wake up Christmas Eve and it s the day that the ice storm of Washington last year hit us.
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SPEAKER_02
Oh, no.
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SPEAKER_01
There s two inches of just straight up ice all over Washington.
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SPEAKER_01
Oh, my God.
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SPEAKER_01
In the news, people were sliding down hills.
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SPEAKER_01
Cars were sliding all over the place.
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SPEAKER_01
Oh, my God.
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SPEAKER_01
People were ice skating.
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SPEAKER_02
I remember these videos, yeah, cars like just slowly sliding down a hill and ping-ponging into the parked cars and the parked cars even started moving.
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SPEAKER_01
Yes, it was treacherous.
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SPEAKER_01
But we re not thinking about that.
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SPEAKER_01
We re like, we re going on vacation tonight.
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SPEAKER_02
Infinity pool.
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SPEAKER_01
Infinity pool, exactly.
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SPEAKER_01
Let s figure this out.
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SPEAKER_01
It awaits.
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SPEAKER_01
And we re all excited.
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SPEAKER_01
And then my mom and I are sitting around the table kind of getting ready.
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SPEAKER_01
And she pulls out all our passports and she s like, OK, let s check the dates.
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SPEAKER_01
Let s just make sure we ve got the correct ones, not any expired ones.
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SPEAKER_01
We go through all of our current ones, and I open my sister s, and I m like, mom, her passport expired in May.
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SPEAKER_01
And she was like, it did not.
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SPEAKER_01
And I was like, yes it did.
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SPEAKER_01
Full panic.
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SPEAKER_01
We re like, this is not happening right now.
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SPEAKER_01
One, there s an ice storm, and two, there s full expired passport.
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SPEAKER_01
We can t go to Cancun.
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SPEAKER_02
Oh my lord.
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SPEAKER_01
This sucks.
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SPEAKER_02
We gotta leave the little sister behind.
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SPEAKER_00
Oh, really?
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SPEAKER_00
Probably.
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SPEAKER_00
On Christmas?
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SPEAKER_00
This is the whole conversation.
3
SPEAKER_00
No.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
Wow, not on Christmas.
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SPEAKER_02
I mean, utilitarian, should everyone suffer because someone didn t look at their passport?
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_02
Yes, okay.
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SPEAKER_01
I think for family.
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SPEAKER_02
Let s see how this unravels.
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SPEAKER_01
We discuss leaving her behind and she s like, it s okay guys, I ll go back.
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SPEAKER_02
Let me just say, if it were me, I would be like, absolutely don t stay.
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SPEAKER_00
For sure.
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SPEAKER_02
I would never allow that.
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SPEAKER_00
But then you d still have to stay.
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SPEAKER_00
It s like, you as the person, you as the person have to make everyone go, but then they have to stay.
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SPEAKER_02
Right.
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SPEAKER_02
Okay.
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SPEAKER_02
All right.
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SPEAKER_02
Okay.
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SPEAKER_02
That s the rules.
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SPEAKER_02
That s the rule.
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SPEAKER_02
Okay.
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SPEAKER_01
So we decide no one gets left behind.
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SPEAKER_01
We re like, okay, how can we still have a vacation?
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SPEAKER_01
My dad s like, I m not staying here.
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SPEAKER_01
That s for sure.
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SPEAKER_01
I took this time off.
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SPEAKER_01
He s a chiropractor.
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SPEAKER_01
I m a chiropractor.
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SPEAKER_01
We have a family chiropractic business.
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SPEAKER_01
And so we re like, okay, where can we go?
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SPEAKER_01
My mom calls my aunt.
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SPEAKER_01
She has a house in Hawaii.
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SPEAKER_01
So she was like, scrap the tickets, come to Hawaii, stay at my house.
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SPEAKER_01
And we re like, okay, that s a good idea.
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SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I would argue might be better than the original plan.
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SPEAKER_01
And the dates are important.
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SPEAKER_01
So we were supposed to be there Christmas Eve through New Year s Eve.
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SPEAKER_01
So we reroute our tickets to Hawaii.
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SPEAKER_01
We end up leaving the 28th and plan to come back the 2nd of January.
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SPEAKER_02
On my birthday.
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah, happy birthday, Dax.
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SPEAKER_02
Yeah, it s a great plan.
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SPEAKER_01
We get there.
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SPEAKER_01
It s wonderful.
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SPEAKER_01
Day one, my dad wakes up and he s like, I m not feeling that great.
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SPEAKER_01
Like my stomach kind of hurts.
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SPEAKER_01
Oh no.
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SPEAKER_02
Some people are not meant to travel.
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SPEAKER_02
Like how many red flags can you get?
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SPEAKER_01
Literally.
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SPEAKER_01
We go to the beach.
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SPEAKER_01
We re hanging out.
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SPEAKER_01
It just kind of progressively gets worse, but we re still having a good time.
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SPEAKER_01
We re chilling.
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SPEAKER_01
Next day is his birthday and he s like, I m feeling kind of better.
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SPEAKER_01
He goes cliff jumping.
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SPEAKER_01
He eats all the things.
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SPEAKER_01
He s like, Oh, I m doing good.
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SPEAKER_01
I think we re coming out.
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SPEAKER_01
I got some weird bug or something.
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SPEAKER_02
12 hour bug.
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SPEAKER_01
We carry on with our vacation, and that night, my mom wakes me up in the middle of the night, and she s like, hey, dad s not doing well at all.
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SPEAKER_01
And I was like, oh my gosh, what s going on?
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SPEAKER_01
She s like, his stomach got worse, and he s like self-diagnosing himself this whole time.
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SPEAKER_01
Of course, yes.
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SPEAKER_01
Because that s just part of his job.
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SPEAKER_01
He s like, it kind of feels like a kidney stone, but it also kind of feels like appendicitis.
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
Sure, that s what I m thinking.
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SPEAKER_01
Me too.
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SPEAKER_01
My mom s like, you got to pick one, buddy, because you don t have both.
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SPEAKER_01
I m the only one awake.
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SPEAKER_01
It s in the middle of the night.
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SPEAKER_01
And she s like, OK, I m going to take him to the ER.
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SPEAKER_01
You tell us where to go.
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SPEAKER_01
And I m just like, this is a lot of pressure.
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SPEAKER_01
I don t know where you should go.
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SPEAKER_01
So I m like Googling.
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SPEAKER_01
I routed them to the major hospital.
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SPEAKER_01
It was 20 minutes away and they start going and then I m like looking at this other one and this other one kept popping up and halfway through their drive.
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SPEAKER_01
I m like, go to this one instead.
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SPEAKER_01
It s closer and it has like 4.5 star reviews, which I feel like is unheard of for a hospital.
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SPEAKER_01
Most of them have kind of low reviews because they re big institutions.
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SPEAKER_02
Yeah, no one likes that.
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SPEAKER_01
They get there at four.
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SPEAKER_01
He gets checked in at 4.30 and seen by a doctor.
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SPEAKER_01
And he says the same thing to her.
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SPEAKER_01
He s like, I kind of feel like it s a kidney stone, but I also feel like it s appendicitis.
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SPEAKER_01
And she s also like, you got to pick one.
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SPEAKER_01
We don t know.
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SPEAKER_01
We ll have to figure it out.
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SPEAKER_01
They do all the diagnostics and she pops her head around the corner and she s like, you have both.
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SPEAKER_01
Wow.
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SPEAKER_01
No way.
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SPEAKER_01
Oh, wow.
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SPEAKER_02
Oh, congratulations.
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SPEAKER_02
He did a good job with his body.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah, dual diagnosis, they call it in psychology.
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SPEAKER_00
Wow.
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SPEAKER_00
Ooh, appendicitis and a kidney stone?
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SPEAKER_02
Fuck that, he needs to be on all of the fentanyl at that point.
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SPEAKER_01
Oh my God, ow.
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SPEAKER_01
An absolute disaster.
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SPEAKER_01
So he has to get emergency surgery in Hawaii on our family vacation.
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SPEAKER_01
Oh.
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SPEAKER_01
He gets it at 10 and he s home by one and he s on the beach the next day.
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SPEAKER_02
Oh, what a trooper.
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SPEAKER_02
I really relate to this guy.
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SPEAKER_01
But did he pass the stone?
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SPEAKER_01
Yes, he passed the stone as well.
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SPEAKER_02
While he was in the hospital.
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SPEAKER_02
This guy s efficient from first pain to done with everything, 36 hours and he had appendicitis and a kidney stone.
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SPEAKER_00
And he cliff jumped in the middle.
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SPEAKER_00
Yes, what a beast.
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SPEAKER_00
Oh my God, thank God nothing happened during the cliff jump because it could have exploded.
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SPEAKER_02
Or the stone could have popped out.
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SPEAKER_00
Well, that would be good.
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SPEAKER_02
Popped through, yeah.
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SPEAKER_02
Right when he hit the water, he was like.
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SPEAKER_02
Oh, relief.
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SPEAKER_00
What if it all happened?
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SPEAKER_00
The appendix exploded.
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SPEAKER_00
And then it burst.
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SPEAKER_02
So it was a mix of relief and new pain.
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SPEAKER_02
Oh my God.
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SPEAKER_02
Sorry, we re late in the day here.
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SPEAKER_01
I love it.
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SPEAKER_02
He was back on the beach, though, the next day?
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SPEAKER_01
He was back on the beach the next day.
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SPEAKER_01
We ended up having a really great time, but then we made the connection, though, that
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SPEAKER_01
Had we originally gone to Mexico, the dates that we were there, we would have been leaving the day that he had to get surgery and orbit on the plane.
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SPEAKER_01
So this whole thing was
4
SPEAKER_03
meant to be.
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_04
Or in a Cancun emergency room.
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SPEAKER_01
Or on a plane trying to land.
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SPEAKER_01
Oof.
4
SPEAKER_04
So it s a mix of terrible luck and great luck.
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SPEAKER_01
Exactly.
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SPEAKER_01
We get back and obviously everybody s like, how was your trip?
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SPEAKER_01
Who hadn t even heard that we ended up in Hawaii?
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SPEAKER_01
And we told them the whole story and they were just like...
4
SPEAKER_01
What happened?
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SPEAKER_01
Like, how did this happen?
4
SPEAKER_01
And then my mom wanted me to bring this and show you guys.
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SPEAKER_01
Somebody brought him a mug that says, I m too sexy for my appendix.
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SPEAKER_01
Oh, that s great.
4
SPEAKER_04
It s incredible.
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SPEAKER_04
They make mugs like that, right?
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SPEAKER_04
There s so many people have gone through this.
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SPEAKER_02
Exactly.
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SPEAKER_02
Wow.
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SPEAKER_04
What if the mug actually said, so sorry about your appendix and your kidney killing on vacation.
4
SPEAKER_04
Merry Christmas.
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SPEAKER_04
And it was on the shelf at Meijer in Walmart.
4
SPEAKER_03
Wow.
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SPEAKER_03
That was great.
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SPEAKER_04
Oh, Olivia, you guys made it.
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SPEAKER_01
We made it.
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SPEAKER_04
What are you doing this year?
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SPEAKER_04
Are you going to stay home?
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SPEAKER_04
Are you going to go somewhere?
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SPEAKER_04
You re gonna go back to Hawaii?
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SPEAKER_01
We are not going anywhere.
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
Good move.
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SPEAKER_04
Everyone just lay low.
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SPEAKER_01
Stay close.
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SPEAKER_04
Work right through the holiday.
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SPEAKER_04
Well, merry holidays to you, and I hope this one s much easier, but still fun and connected.
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SPEAKER_03
You guys too, thank you.
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SPEAKER_03
All right, bye-bye.
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SPEAKER_03
I hate waving now.
4
SPEAKER_03
You took it from me.
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SPEAKER_03
I know, it s really weird what s happened.
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SPEAKER_03
You stole it.
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SPEAKER_03
I haven t brushed my, I m like Orna.
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SPEAKER_03
I haven t brushed my hair.
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SPEAKER_04
And you re giving therapy of sorts.
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SPEAKER_03
Yeah, I m trying.
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SPEAKER_04
What if we got to talk to somebody real time?
4
SPEAKER_04
They were on their trip, on their holiday trip, and it was going terribly.
4
SPEAKER_03
That d be great.
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SPEAKER_04
Pretty bummed Evan didn t show us his arrows.
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SPEAKER_04
Cora s here.
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SPEAKER_04
Ah, Cora Cables.
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SPEAKER_04
Coral Gables.
4
SPEAKER_04
Have you been to Coral Gables, Monica?
4
SPEAKER_04
Florida?
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SPEAKER_03
I don t think so.
4
SPEAKER_04
You guys went to Florida a lot, right?
4
SPEAKER_02
We did.
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SPEAKER_02
Yeah, for Disney World.
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SPEAKER_02
I mean, maybe we did go there, but I don t know.
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SPEAKER_02
I don t remember.
4
SPEAKER_02
We went to Clearwater.
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SPEAKER_02
I have a t-shirt.
4
SPEAKER_02
Oh.
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SPEAKER_02
Hi.
4
SPEAKER_00
Hi.
4
SPEAKER_04
Hello.
4
SPEAKER_04
How are you?
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SPEAKER_04
Cora is such a fun name.
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SPEAKER_00
Thank you.
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SPEAKER_00
Growing up, it was just like an old lady name and now it s become really popular.
4
SPEAKER_00
These names, they circle back around.
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SPEAKER_04
Where are you from Cora?
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SPEAKER_00
So I m from Washington state.
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SPEAKER_00
I m like 30 minutes north of Portland.
4
SPEAKER_00
Right now we re actually in Medford.
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SPEAKER_04
Okay.
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SPEAKER_04
So you have a crazy holiday story.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
So preface, I will say that I m the oldest of six kids.
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SPEAKER_00
I grew up Mormon and it was never like a, Oh, we have to have as many kids as possible, but I just, how it turned out had six kids.
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SPEAKER_00
I was the oldest and this would have been Christmas in 2005.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
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SPEAKER_00
18 years ago.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah, my dad has one brother and he works for Boeing in Seattle, but they live in Maple Valley area.
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SPEAKER_00
So every other Christmas we would kind of flip-flop of like going up there, visit, they d come back.
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SPEAKER_00
So that year we went up there and I had one cousin.
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SPEAKER_00
I was the oldest.
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SPEAKER_00
I m also one of the only girls.
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SPEAKER_00
I ve got one little sister, but she s way younger.
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SPEAKER_00
And so I would stay with my female cousin the whole time.
4
SPEAKER_00
We just have her room to ourselves.
4
SPEAKER_00
It was great.
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SPEAKER_00
That year she had like a super tall bunk bed, unreasonably tall.
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SPEAKER_00
And it was like one of those where you have like the office underneath.
4
SPEAKER_04
And was it official?
4
SPEAKER_04
Had it been bought as a kit or did dad fabricate this whole thing and make it too high?
4
SPEAKER_00
He would have, but I think he did buy it as a kid.
4
SPEAKER_00
It was one of those that it came with like a desk.
4
SPEAKER_04
Oh, I love it.
4
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
But she also had a ceiling fan and it overlapped the bottom corner of this bunk bed.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so to bypass any issues, my uncle had just decided he was going to duct tape the switch down.
4
SPEAKER_04
Totally easy fix.
4
SPEAKER_00
As the oldest of six children, there were a lot of times where it s very hectic.
4
SPEAKER_00
This was Christmas Eve Eve.
4
SPEAKER_00
So we went up there for like Christmas Eve, and then we were planning on having Christmas back at our house.
4
SPEAKER_04
This is Big Mac, McDonald s Big Mac.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it s our day.
4
SPEAKER_04
Yes, this is a holiday as well.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
So just to get away from everything, I decided I was going to go into the bedroom.
4
SPEAKER_00
I was going to climb up in the bed and I was going to read.
4
SPEAKER_00
That year it was Harry Potter.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
The sixth one had just come out that year.
4
SPEAKER_00
I reread all of them all the time.
4
SPEAKER_00
Now I re-listen to them all the time.
4
SPEAKER_04
Best narrator in the history of books.
4
SPEAKER_04
100%.
4
SPEAKER_04
Impossibly good.
4
SPEAKER_04
Better than any acting performance I ve ever seen in a movie.
4
SPEAKER_00
I have an 18-month-old and he, unbeknownst to him, has been listening to that and you guys his entire life.
4
SPEAKER_04
Oh, great.
4
SPEAKER_04
He ll believe in magic and addiction.
4
SPEAKER_00
He hears Jim Dale and Dax.
4
SPEAKER_00
So I would go up there, I read a little bit, and then I fell asleep.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t remember falling asleep.
4
SPEAKER_00
Next thing I know, I wake up.
4
SPEAKER_00
You know when you wake up, you don t lay down and assess the situation first.
4
SPEAKER_00
You just get up.
4
SPEAKER_03
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so I get up, and all of a sudden, just blinding light.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t remember any pain, but I remember just a flash of white and then black.
4
SPEAKER_00
Next thing I know, I m like climbing down from this ladder.
4
SPEAKER_00
There s blood everywhere.
4
SPEAKER_04
Oh my lord.
4
SPEAKER_04
Merry Christmas.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it s very festive.
4
SPEAKER_00
So blood everywhere.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t remember pain though.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m sure I ve locked it out.
4
SPEAKER_00
You re in shock.
4
SPEAKER_00
I get out and my mom and my aunt were there.
4
SPEAKER_00
My dad and my uncle had gone to the Seahawks game that day.
4
SPEAKER_00
So they were gone.
4
SPEAKER_00
My mom s a nurse.
4
SPEAKER_00
This is definitely not the worst physical thing that has happened to any of our siblings.
4
SPEAKER_00
There s a long line.
4
SPEAKER_04
When you have six, shit s happening every couple hours.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s definitely top three, but it s not the most traumatic one.
4
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
My mom is very calm, cool-headed.
4
SPEAKER_00
You know, she s just like, okay, we just have to go to urgent care.
4
SPEAKER_00
We ll get it figured out, put something on, stop the bleeding.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I m freaking out because I think doctors, I think they re going to give me stitches.
4
SPEAKER_00
And at the time, I was absolutely terrified of needles.
4
SPEAKER_00
Terrified.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I was 10 at the time.
4
SPEAKER_00
So I m old enough to feel like I have my own say.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I was very, very stubborn as a child.
4
SPEAKER_04
Good for you.
4
SPEAKER_00
I let them drive me to urgent care, but I refused to go in.
4
SPEAKER_00
They dragged me in.
4
SPEAKER_00
Eventually they go to call me back.
4
SPEAKER_00
And according to my mother, I turned into basically a wild animal.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I was point blank, refusing, kicking, screaming, lunging.
4
SPEAKER_04
Thrashing about.
4
SPEAKER_00
Poor mother.
4
SPEAKER_00
I know.
4
SPEAKER_00
She s like, I don t know what to do.
4
SPEAKER_00
She s too old for me to sit on her.
4
SPEAKER_00
I can t move her physically.
4
SPEAKER_00
And my mom is like five, one very small woman.
4
SPEAKER_00
There s no way.
4
SPEAKER_04
There s a sidebar.
4
SPEAKER_04
This is a tricky age.
4
SPEAKER_04
Cause my oldest is this age and you re right.
4
SPEAKER_04
She s too young to treat like a child in public.
4
SPEAKER_04
Like I can just pick her up and drag her to the car.
4
SPEAKER_04
She s adult enough, but then also she sometimes acts like a 10 year old.
4
SPEAKER_04
So yeah, it s tricky time.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, so I feel so bad for her.
4
SPEAKER_00
I put her through so much, and my aunt was just like, this isn t my deal.
4
SPEAKER_00
So they end up taking me back to the house.
4
SPEAKER_04
They give up.
4
SPEAKER_00
What?
4
SPEAKER_00
They give up.
4
SPEAKER_00
A little while later, my dad shows up with my uncle.
4
SPEAKER_00
Being Mormon, my parents didn t drink growing up, which I m thankful for.
4
SPEAKER_00
We had our own issues, so I think alcohol would have added.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
So I never really saw a lot of that, but my uncle, he was very drunk.
4
SPEAKER_00
after the game.
4
SPEAKER_04
Is it your dad s brother or his brother-in-law?
4
SPEAKER_00
My dad s brother.
4
SPEAKER_04
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
I guess I didn t tell you where on my face, so it had cut right above my lip.
4
SPEAKER_00
And it looked like it had gone all the way through.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I don t know, you probably can t see it.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like a joker smile?
4
SPEAKER_04
No, that would have been in the corners.
4
SPEAKER_04
This was above.
4
SPEAKER_00
Maybe like an inch long cut right above my upper lip.
4
SPEAKER_00
It looked like it had gone all the way through.
4
SPEAKER_00
So there was a hole in my face.
4
SPEAKER_00
And my dad had recently had a coworker whose daughter had gotten kicked in the face by a horse.
4
SPEAKER_00
and she had like nerve damage, scarring.
4
SPEAKER_00
So my dad sees my face and just like loses it.
4
SPEAKER_00
He was like terrified.
4
SPEAKER_00
And he was mad at my mother because he was like, well, why didn t you just force it?
4
SPEAKER_00
And my mom s like, what do you want me to do?
4
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
So my dad is like, screw this, we re going.
4
SPEAKER_00
So he decides they re going to go back.
4
SPEAKER_00
Well, my aunt doesn t want to leave my younger cousins and everything again.
4
SPEAKER_00
So my mom comes with my dad and my uncle because this is before Google Maps.
4
SPEAKER_00
They didn t know how to get there.
4
SPEAKER_00
My mom couldn t remember.
4
SPEAKER_00
So my drunk uncle is going to be the navigator.
4
SPEAKER_00
Perfect, perfect.
4
SPEAKER_00
My dad s driving, my mom s in the back, and my uncle is up front.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I just hear multiple times, did we miss the turn?
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh yeah, you guys missed it.
4
SPEAKER_04
He s out for a joyride.
4
SPEAKER_00
He doesn t care where they re going.
4
SPEAKER_00
He doesn t know where everything s at.
4
SPEAKER_00
He s just like, oh yeah, that was it, whatever.
4
SPEAKER_04
Drinking s so weird.
4
SPEAKER_04
Adults just start acting like fucking dum-dums.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s true.
4
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, and you re a kid, you re like, what is happening?
4
SPEAKER_00
As an adult, I ve gotten drunk with him now.
4
SPEAKER_00
He s a very fun drunk.
4
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, sounds like it.
4
SPEAKER_04
It does.
4
SPEAKER_00
When you need him in a serious situation, it s not the person you go to.
4
SPEAKER_00
So we finally get there and my dad is just like, look, Cora, you have to do this.
4
SPEAKER_00
We can t mess around.
4
SPEAKER_00
You need to get this fixed.
4
SPEAKER_00
His last ditch effort, I ll give you 50 bucks.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
Which I accepted.
4
SPEAKER_00
god so i was like okay cool i can do that i can be strong and at this point i was also like i really don t want a massive hole in my face and the guy looks at me and he goes you know i think we can just glue it i m so grateful because i m like oh thank god no stitches he said there was like the tiniest bit of skin
5
SPEAKER_00
still holding my lip together, and he said if it had gone completely all the way through, we wouldn t be able to glue it, but because there s a little bit of skin, we can just glue the outside and see how it does.
5
SPEAKER_00
So he goes to glue it, and his glove gets stuck to his lip.
5
SPEAKER_00
He finishes, and he goes to pull his hand away, and his hand comes out of the glove,
5
SPEAKER_01
In the end I just had a ton of glue on my face
5
SPEAKER_00
We get back to the house, we have Christmas.
5
SPEAKER_00
I don t really eat anything.
5
SPEAKER_00
I don t think because my lip was just super weird.
5
SPEAKER_00
And then I remember on Sunday we had gotten back to our house and my mom tried to make me go to church on Sunday.
5
SPEAKER_00
I looked like Burt Simpson, so swollen.
5
SPEAKER_02
Is it just that the ceiling fan was in a position and you woke up and just slammed your mouth into the ceiling fan?
5
SPEAKER_02
It wasn t spinning, was it?
5
SPEAKER_00
The corner of the bed was overlapped by the ceiling fan by a good foot.
5
SPEAKER_00
I had just been in the perfect position.
5
SPEAKER_00
And to be fair, it was duct taped down.
5
SPEAKER_00
I didn t expect it to turn on.
5
SPEAKER_00
And it was my second brother, so he s the middle child.
5
SPEAKER_00
He s seven at the time.
5
SPEAKER_00
And he said, I just wanted to see it on.
5
SPEAKER_00
So it was on.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh, so it was on.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
He unduct taped it.
5
SPEAKER_00
He turned it on and then just left.
5
SPEAKER_00
And he was like, cool, ceiling fan.
5
SPEAKER_02
Success.
5
SPEAKER_02
I have powers.
5
SPEAKER_00
It still worked.
5
SPEAKER_02
Cool.
5
SPEAKER_00
This sounds like the Home Alone house.
5
SPEAKER_02
It does sound like the Home Alone house.
5
SPEAKER_02
Which sounds fun.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, do you still get together as adults?
5
SPEAKER_00
We try to get together as much as we can.
5
SPEAKER_00
Growing up, I didn t enjoy having as many siblings, but now that I m an adult, it s definitely nice.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, the chaos is fun.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it can be really, really fun.
5
SPEAKER_00
And before we go, I do want to say I started listening to you guys right after I had my son about 18 months ago.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I just started binge listening.
5
SPEAKER_00
My fiance had to go back to work.
5
SPEAKER_00
I was by myself, unbeknownst to you, you were there for me during probably the hardest time I ve ever had.
5
SPEAKER_00
Thank you for that.
5
SPEAKER_00
And also Dax, I would not have gotten into F1 if not for you.
5
SPEAKER_00
And this Vegas race was the first one I watched live.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh, yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
And it was a albiter.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
5
SPEAKER_02
Well, Cora, it s so nice to meet you and to hear that story.
5
SPEAKER_02
And I hope you hold that over your seven-year-old brother s head nonstop.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh, I do.
5
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_00
We have plenty of other things that I can hold over his head, but that s definitely the top one.
5
SPEAKER_02
It s in the list.
5
SPEAKER_02
All right.
5
SPEAKER_02
Well, so nice meeting you.
5
SPEAKER_02
And it s really lovely to hear that we were around for all that.
5
SPEAKER_00
Thank you guys.
5
SPEAKER_00
Have a great one.
5
SPEAKER_02
Merry Christmas to you.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
Merry Christmas.
5
SPEAKER_00
Bye.
5
SPEAKER_00
Happy holidays.
5
SPEAKER_02
Happy holidays.
5
SPEAKER_01
Tis the season.
5
SPEAKER_02
Happy holidays.
5
SPEAKER_01
I had to move an armoire yesterday to make room for my tree.
5
SPEAKER_02
I thought you were gonna say you had to move an armoire to make room for your armoire.
5
SPEAKER_01
Well, probably.
5
SPEAKER_02
So you have your tree out?
5
SPEAKER_01
Not yet, Saturday.
5
SPEAKER_02
Oh, just you were cleaning out.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, making space.
5
SPEAKER_02
Oh, fun.
5
SPEAKER_01
I know.
5
SPEAKER_02
I know, it s here.
5
SPEAKER_02
I m mixed with when I was journaling this morning, I looked at the date, I was like,
5
SPEAKER_02
Oh, it s already here.
5
SPEAKER_01
I know.
5
SPEAKER_02
I kind of got a little panicked.
5
SPEAKER_02
Because you know, as soon as T-Day hits, it s just a mad dash to Christmas.
5
SPEAKER_01
I know.
5
SPEAKER_01
And then it s the new year.
5
SPEAKER_02
I need everything to slow down.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s fast.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s moving.
5
SPEAKER_02
Coming hot and fast.
5
SPEAKER_02
Well, I love you.
5
SPEAKER_02
That was fun.
5
SPEAKER_01
I love you.
5
SPEAKER_01
Fill me with holiday cheer.
5
SPEAKER_02
Happy holidays.
5
SPEAKER_02
It did fill me with holiday cheer.
5
SPEAKER_02
Me too.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_02
All right.
5
SPEAKER_02
Love you.
5
SPEAKER_02
Love you.
5
SPEAKER_01
Do you wanna sing a tune or something?
5
SPEAKER_01
Or a theme song?
5
SPEAKER_01
Oh.
5
SPEAKER_01
Okay, great.
5
SPEAKER_01
We don t have a theme song for this new show, so here I go, go, go.
5
SPEAKER_01
We re gonna ask some random questions, and with the help of armchairies, we ll get some suggestions on the fly, right?