1
SPEAKER_00
 And I was having this moment where I was like, and it literally timed when I was reading your book, I was like, I need to start saying no next year.
1
SPEAKER_00
That's my next challenge.
1
SPEAKER_00
My challenge next year is to go deeper in what I've committed to and do it better and go into just immersing myself into it rather than trying to do all these things.
1
SPEAKER_00
Where at one point in my life, it was really important that I was trying to do a lot of things.
1
SPEAKER_01
 And now it's... Well, you're probably being offered to do things you've never been offered to do before.
1
SPEAKER_00
Totally.
1
SPEAKER_00
And it's like... So, yeah, please, thank you.
1
SPEAKER_00
I'd love to.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I'm literally in that... I'm in that phase of my life right now, in this phase of it, where I'm like, okay, well, actually, I need to stop that.
1
SPEAKER_00
So it just came so perfectly timed.
1
SPEAKER_00
And it was so interesting.
1
SPEAKER_00
I was saying to somebody the other day, I was like, there's all these opportunities, but, you know, it's not going to work if I just keep chasing them.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I loved how you brought that back to relationships.
1
SPEAKER_00
 Because this part of it, I think, and the relationship you have with your kids, your wife is beautiful, but it's really interesting the way you explain it.
1
SPEAKER_00
The arrow doesn't seek the target, the target draws the arrow.
1
SPEAKER_00
And you said that you weren't even in a space where you were seeking partnership.
1
SPEAKER_00
You weren't even looking for it.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I think this is...
1
SPEAKER_00
 When you just said that, even though I didn't know what was next and I unbranded myself, but I had my son and I could look at what I'd created, I think for a lot of people, they're struggling because even their relationship world is in limbo, whether they don't have the right partner or they don't have a partner and their work life's kind of going, but they don't have that.
1
SPEAKER_00
Where was it for you where you felt you attracted your wife?
1
SPEAKER_00
Where did that come from?
1
SPEAKER_01
 You know, we all have our biological clock and our idea when we're younger, when do we see ourselves?
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, having a meeting that woman or that man and then having a family, you know, and then those years come up on us.
1
SPEAKER_01
I've never really been a time clock keeper, but subconsciously I was at a time in my life where
1
SPEAKER_01
 I sure as heck didn't want to date anybody unless I thought it had possibilities of becoming a full, true, long-term relationship.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
I didn't want to waste my time dating someone unless that potential was there.
1
SPEAKER_01
And if there wasn't, well, it's time for us to move on.
1
SPEAKER_01
And we had some amiable breakups with some wonderful women that we just both saw, hey, this is not going to... We both want to find the one that we have more potential.
1
SPEAKER_01
We've gotten to a point as far as I think we can go.
1
SPEAKER_01
So, you know.
1
SPEAKER_01
 But I did find myself looking.
1
SPEAKER_01
I found myself in the produce section at the store, looking down.
1
SPEAKER_01
I wonder if she's gonna ring her finger.
1
SPEAKER_01
I wonder if maybe I'll say hi to her.
1
SPEAKER_01
I was looking, you know, at the red light, at a club or a bar or a friend would introduce.
1
SPEAKER_01
And what I did in my own thoughts and meditation and prayers and what came to me was, it's okay.
1
SPEAKER_01
 Matthew, don't try so hard to find the right woman to start a family.
1
SPEAKER_01
I know the one thing you've only known you ever wanted to be was a father, but don't try so hard to find the right woman to get married.
1
SPEAKER_01
You might end up an 88-year-old bachelor with a bunch of kids, and I'm not gonna judge you on that, but quit trying to make it happen.
1
SPEAKER_01
And as soon as I quit trying to make it happen, and when I was out and not sort of,
1
SPEAKER_01
 measuring women, like maybe there's a possibility, maybe not objectifying, well, I don't know.
1
SPEAKER_01
I was more present.
1
SPEAKER_01
I was more fun.
1
SPEAKER_01
I was more me.
1
SPEAKER_01
And soon as I quit looking, that's when she came.
1
SPEAKER_01
 Not the same way I did, but when she showed up and I saw her, my now wife, moving across the room, right to left in my eye line.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I remember I saw this woman and under my breath to myself, I said, what is that?
1
SPEAKER_01
I didn't say, who is it?
1
SPEAKER_01
I said, what is that?
1
SPEAKER_01
I got up, introduced myself, spoke the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
1
SPEAKER_01
I've never spoken a good Spanish since.
1
SPEAKER_01
 And since that night I met her, there's never been another woman I wanted to go on a date with, spend a night with, anything.
1
SPEAKER_01
And she's now mother of three of our children, and we've been married now for, shoot, what are we coming on?
1
SPEAKER_01
 eight, nine years.
1
SPEAKER_01
And that's when I was able to find her.
1
SPEAKER_01
That's when I was able enough.
1
SPEAKER_01
It goes back to one of those earlier lessons with my father moving on, be less impressed, more involved.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yes, yes.
1
SPEAKER_01
That's when I was comfortable to be myself and give
1
SPEAKER_01
 to give her her space because I wasn't like trying to dissect, wait, are you the one?
1
SPEAKER_01
I wasn't playing, I wasn't measuring her.
1
SPEAKER_01
I was able to be myself, hold my own constitution.
1
SPEAKER_01
She was able to be herself and we naturally came together.
1
SPEAKER_01
So it drew the, the target drew the arrow when I quit looking.
1
SPEAKER_01
I then, that's when I found the one for me.
1
SPEAKER_00
 I have to ask, do you dream a lot, Matthew?
1
SPEAKER_00
Do you remember your dreams a lot when you dream?
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, I remember ones like that.
1
SPEAKER_00
Look, I do dream a lot.
1
SPEAKER_01
And like most people, most dreams, I forget most of them.
1
SPEAKER_01
But I have had a few that are consistent, that have
1
SPEAKER_01
 been recurring dreams.
1
SPEAKER_01
And when I have a recurring dream that is note for note, shot for shot, exactly the same dream, I take that as a sign, celestial suggestion at least, that my subconscious is trying to tell me something or my God is trying to tell me something.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I try to back up and go, okay, I need to listen to this.
1
SPEAKER_01
And you can't go to someone else for advice about it because it's only your dream and it was a dream.
1
SPEAKER_01
So you have to really go, how much merit do I give this?
1
SPEAKER_01
 You know, and you were talking about it earlier.
1
SPEAKER_01
The truth, sometimes we don't, we miss the green lights around us.
1
SPEAKER_01
They're there.
1
SPEAKER_01
Are we in a place to receive them?
1
SPEAKER_01
Are we in a place to be patient enough to make them personal and see why they came to us?
1
SPEAKER_01
Then are we courageous enough to act on them?
1
SPEAKER_01
 and preserve them and make them part of our daily habits and inner being.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
They come around all the time.
1
SPEAKER_01
And as you know, you can't listen to every sign.
1
SPEAKER_01
No.
1
SPEAKER_01
Or you're running circles.
1
SPEAKER_01
You know, I've done that before.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
And everything, you know, you're seeing art everywhere.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh my gosh, I got that quote in there about a man full of ideas needs to be, needs some starvation.
1
SPEAKER_01
A man full of truths needs to be fed.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, I've had those times where I'm full of so many ideas.
1
SPEAKER_01
I'm inspired everywhere.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I'm going, I gotta cut some of this out because there's too much inspiration.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
 I can't focus there.
1
SPEAKER_01
It's a shotgun spread and I need a little rifle here.
1
SPEAKER_01
And at the same time, you don't want to be so closed up that you're missing them or you let them pass and you don't give them credit when they come.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
You, one of your dreams, obviously not a dream while you were asleep was to become a father.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like that was always been a big thing for you.
1
SPEAKER_00
What was it that you dreamed of about being a father that you look forward to so much and how is it being on like, how has that been completely surpassed in reality?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
 So, but I'm not a father yet.
1
SPEAKER_00
So, so I'm not, I'm not yet.
1
SPEAKER_00
Not yet.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, so I remember when I was eight years old, this having this romantic realization that the reason my dad wanted me to call the men that he would introduce me to, sir, and shake their hand and look them in the eye, which I was looking up at their eye as a young eight year old boy, it came to me that what's the one consistency and all these men that I am giving them the respect of yes, sir.
1
SPEAKER_01
Why am I calling him sir?
1
SPEAKER_01
 as their fathers.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I remember at eight years old going, oh, that's it.
1
SPEAKER_01
That's when you've made it.
1
SPEAKER_01
That's success as a male on earth to become a father.
1
SPEAKER_01
So to me, that was like, ta-da, one day.
1
SPEAKER_01
Then you've made it, Matthew.
1
SPEAKER_01
That was always very clear to me since I was eight years old.
1
SPEAKER_01
And the one thing I always knew I wanted to be.
1
SPEAKER_01
 Now I have children.
1
SPEAKER_01
You'll have the first if and when you do have.
1
SPEAKER_01
I write about in the book, the first six months after you have your firstborn, don't double down, triple down on any instinct you have.
1
SPEAKER_01
Man is never more masculine and clear.
1
SPEAKER_01
The man's heart and head and spirit are never more aligned than right after he has a firstborn.
1
SPEAKER_01
 triple down on any instincts you got, career-wise, relationship-wise, everything, you're in the zone.
1
SPEAKER_01
Good to know.
1
SPEAKER_01
And so, then you have them.
1
SPEAKER_01
The thing that, one of the surprising things, and all parents, I think, know this, is that before having children, I thought it was more about environment than it was DNA.
1
SPEAKER_01
 You have children and you realize really, no, more about biology than I thought.
1
SPEAKER_01
They kind of are who they are.
1
SPEAKER_01
I can nudge them and shepherd them and move them their way and put in front of them what turns them on and try to keep them from dangerous harm, but they are who they are.
1
SPEAKER_01
The best thing that I didn't notice about having children before I had children is that now I'm immortal.
1
SPEAKER_01
I'm immortal.
1
SPEAKER_01
 Hopefully they have kids, and that's the lineage.
1
SPEAKER_01
So now, whatever perceivable shadow we leave when we're gone, that's the shadow I wanna leave.
1
SPEAKER_01
That's the shadow that will keep me alive forever.
1
SPEAKER_01
That's the just keep living shadow right there.
1
SPEAKER_01
You become immortal when you become a father or a parent.
1
SPEAKER_01
A mother becomes immortal.
1
SPEAKER_00
That's great.
1
SPEAKER_00
 That's great advice, that's beautiful.
1
SPEAKER_00
What's a skill or a quality that you think you're most wanting to see them develop?
1
SPEAKER_00
And vice versa, what's something that you think they've taught you about yourself that you didn't expect?
1
SPEAKER_01
Camille and I are hoping to raise them, whatever they individually, in their own individual ways,
1
SPEAKER_01
 to be conscientious, autonomous, and confident people.
1
SPEAKER_01
We value family, we also value self-reliance.
1
SPEAKER_01
I wanna, you know, and you'll see if and when you become a parent, you have to measure, kids aren't afraid to fall, fall off out of a tree until they fall.
1
SPEAKER_01
So,
1
SPEAKER_01
 How high on that limb do you let them go before telling them, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, come down, down?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Because for the first time when you do that, they're like, what?
1
SPEAKER_01
What's the big, and all of a sudden they get nervous.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
So you measure in life, and it's a metaphor to treat them, but you measure, well, I'm gonna be cool.
1
SPEAKER_01
Because if they fall from that one, they may just scrape their arm and bruise themselves, and that'll be worth it.
1
SPEAKER_01
I don't wanna ruin the innocence and purity that they have.
1
SPEAKER_01
But then all of a sudden they get up to a limb tall, and I'm feeling like, dude, if they fell from that, we're going to the hospital.
1
SPEAKER_01
I think I may need to tell them to come on down, but for the first time, you're gonna make them conscious.
1
SPEAKER_01
 they're gonna have to put on the fig leaf.
1
SPEAKER_01
You know what I mean?
1
SPEAKER_01
So to measure that and let them...
1
SPEAKER_01
 Negotiate situations for themselves.
1
SPEAKER_01
Don't interrupt every time the three of them are arguing or they're arguing with their friends.
1
SPEAKER_01
Let them negotiate.
1
SPEAKER_01
That's real life.
1
SPEAKER_01
They're gonna get out.
1
SPEAKER_01
The world's not just gonna lay out a carpet for them.
1
SPEAKER_01
In my life, we're an affluent family.
1
SPEAKER_01
I wanna give my children a lot of them to own up to the affluence that we have, but damn sure not rely on it.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then also, how do we define success?
1
SPEAKER_01
 It's a very interesting thing.
1
SPEAKER_01
Look up the earliest Webster Dictionary version of success to today's version of success.
1
SPEAKER_01
Today is about, it mentions like fame and money and all these things.
1
SPEAKER_01
And the original version talks about integrity.
1
SPEAKER_01
So what is success?
1
SPEAKER_01
What do they wanna be relevant for?
1
SPEAKER_01
They're all three very kind children.
1
SPEAKER_01
One of them's more conscientious than the other two.
1
SPEAKER_01
One of them's the,
1
SPEAKER_01
 the comedic relief in the family, but she's smart as a whip.
1
SPEAKER_01
The other one is very creative, but doggone it, doesn't know where she put her glasses and they're on her face.
1
SPEAKER_01
The other one, when you're looking for your glasses, he reminds you they're on your face, you know what I mean?
1
SPEAKER_01
So there are different, some of them are very practical at times, some of them are very whimsical.
1
SPEAKER_01
They're all very, very kind.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I hope they're conscientious, autonomous, and confident with who
1
SPEAKER_01
 they are and have the ability to, you know, we still say, we never, we never say don't talk to strangers.
1
SPEAKER_01
No, we travel the world and we're like, yes, go introduce yourself.
1
SPEAKER_01
Go ask them.
1
SPEAKER_01
No, no, no.
1
SPEAKER_01
I'm not going to do it for you.
1
SPEAKER_01
Go.
1
SPEAKER_01
I'll be over watching.
1
SPEAKER_01
Engage.
1
SPEAKER_01
The world's a good place.
1
SPEAKER_01
There's evil in it.
1
SPEAKER_01
We have to, but I don't want to, I don't want to get you gun shy about the harms in the world before
1
SPEAKER_01
 you realize some of them yourself and let them engage in some where they may have the bruise or the scrape.
1
SPEAKER_01
I don't wanna engage in the ones that send them to the hospital, but engage in the ones that you come away going, oh, that didn't feel like what I thought.
1
SPEAKER_01
As I said, don't, now you know, you know?
1
SPEAKER_01
So selfish, you know,
1
SPEAKER_01
 Well, that's another thing, I can get into what I feel about that word selfish and unpack that, because I'm a fan of that word.
1
SPEAKER_01
Because I think the most selfish is actually being the most selfless.
1
SPEAKER_01
People, you know, look at what we're in now and all the change we're going through.
1
SPEAKER_01
I don't know how to make systemic change.
1
SPEAKER_01
I don't know how to write policy.
1
SPEAKER_01
But each one of us know how to look ourselves in the mirror and say, how can I do a little bit better?
1
SPEAKER_01
How can I value values a little bit more for myself?
1
SPEAKER_01
And if I do that, you do that.
1
SPEAKER_01
 and another person listening does that, well, all of a sudden, we start forming a collective and that collective will be better.
1
SPEAKER_01
It will be a more valuable society.
1
SPEAKER_01
So what is that spot where the choice, I call it the egotistical utilitarian, where's that spot where the choices we make for us, yes, I'm doing this for me, my ego wants to do this.
1
SPEAKER_01
Where does that I meet the we?
1
SPEAKER_01
Where does the want meet the need and the need meet the want?
1
SPEAKER_01
Where do we look as good as we feel and feel as good as we look?
1
SPEAKER_01
You know what I mean?
1
SPEAKER_01
 Where do those overlap?
1
SPEAKER_01
And that seems to me to be the honey hole.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
I'm trying to unpack and continually chase, knowing I'm never going to get there.
1
SPEAKER_01
But I think that's what it's about.
1
SPEAKER_01
Totally.
1
SPEAKER_01
Chasing yet.
1
SPEAKER_01
That's what our lives are about.
1
SPEAKER_01
 That's what America is about.
1
SPEAKER_01
You know, it's an aspiration.
1
SPEAKER_01
And if we have the will and the want to go, you know what, I wanna incrementally, I incrementally believe life is gonna have an evolutionary small ascension, that things can improve just a little bit.
1
SPEAKER_01
Or what the hell are we growing older for?
1
SPEAKER_01
What's experience for?
1
SPEAKER_01
For not, you know, if there's not at least a little ascension.
1
SPEAKER_01
And keep chasing that, stay in the race, commit to the chase of that.
1
SPEAKER_01
 And that is as close to the destination as we get.
1
SPEAKER_01
Again, maybe it'll be realized two generations later.
1
SPEAKER_00
 Yeah, there's a few things in there.
1
SPEAKER_00
There's a Sanskrit word called dharma, which has lots of translations, but one of them is purpose.
1
SPEAKER_00
Purpose is seen as the meshing of passion and compassion.
1
SPEAKER_00
What you were saying there of that understanding of that egotistic, utilitarian of where is it that
1
SPEAKER_00
 I feel like I'm winning and we're winning, and it's having an impact.
1
SPEAKER_00
Because you're not going to find it in either or.
1
SPEAKER_00
If you get obsessed with just your egotistical pursuits, we all know where that goes.
1
SPEAKER_00
And if you just get obsessed with trying to make a difference and trying to serve, but you don't feel like you are playing your part in a way that fulfills you, it's unsustainable too.
1
SPEAKER_00
And the point you were saying about children-
1
SPEAKER_00
 Yeah, the point you were saying about children too, I found that really interesting because something I always kind of wonder about before I have kids is like fragility and like, what is my fragility barrier or limit for my kids?
1
SPEAKER_00
Because what you're saying there is like,
1
SPEAKER_00
 we reflect our fragilities and insecurities onto them.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I remember I had a couple of friends who, I remember their daughter probably, I don't know, like two years old, was like on the other side of the room and there were candles there and she was just playing with the candles, like her hands were over the fire.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I don't have kids, but my instinctual response was like, guys, she's going to burn us all and we need to go save her.
1
SPEAKER_00
And they were like, nope,
1
SPEAKER_00
 Nope, that was their limit.
1
SPEAKER_00
They were like, nope, let her play with the fire.
1
SPEAKER_00
It's only a tiny candle.
1
SPEAKER_00
If she hurts herself, she'll know.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, wow, I'm not recommending that.
1
SPEAKER_00
I'm just saying.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I mean, she'll go, ow, she'll remove her hand from the fire before she's actually really burned.
1
SPEAKER_01
And she'll know from then on that that glowing thing is hot.
1
SPEAKER_01
 And it won't, you know, won't do it again.
1
SPEAKER_01
Usually won't do it again.
1
SPEAKER_01
And you know, we don't, we don't, we can be told what to do.
1
SPEAKER_01
We can be taught what to do.
1
SPEAKER_01
People can give us advice, but really we don't like to be told what to do.
1
SPEAKER_01
Nobody does.
1
SPEAKER_01
Kids don't even like to be told what to do.
1
SPEAKER_00
No one does.
1
SPEAKER_01
If you go experience something,
1
SPEAKER_01
 And you have a parent, you have friends that let you go, give it a shot.
1
SPEAKER_01
Maybe you can pull it off.
1
SPEAKER_01
I didn't pull it off.
1
SPEAKER_01
I wasn't able to pull up.
1
SPEAKER_01
Sometimes you'll see him pull off if you're like, oh, you just changed my reality.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I couldn't pull that off.
1
SPEAKER_01
But you did.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, you can jump further.
1
SPEAKER_01
I didn't think you could make it over that creek.
1
SPEAKER_01
And you did.
1
SPEAKER_01
 Whoa, bravo, okay.
1
SPEAKER_01
You've redefined my measuring paradigm for the situation now.
1
SPEAKER_01
So sometimes they can surprise us.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Because they have more of a talent for something than we ourselves do.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
The other thing to answer that question about what have they taught me, you know, when we first had kids, before we had kids, Camilla said to me, one condition.
1
SPEAKER_01
 So what's that?
1
SPEAKER_01
She goes, you go, we go.
1
SPEAKER_01
Which means my work takes me all over the world.
1
SPEAKER_01
And up to that point, I had always gone off on my own, lived in my Airstream trailer with my dog.
1
SPEAKER_01
 I don't go out on school nights.
1
SPEAKER_01
I go to work in the morning.
1
SPEAKER_01
I come home, fix my meal, have a drink, study tomorrow's work, go to bed, over and over and over.
1
SPEAKER_01
I don't see anybody, nothing.
1
SPEAKER_01
All of a sudden, I'm like, my family's there.
1
SPEAKER_01
Wait, I can't be an artist with my family there.
1
SPEAKER_01
But of course, the good voice, the smart voice, my other ear said, you better say yes, ma'am, right now, sir.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I'm like, yes, ma'am.
1
SPEAKER_01
Anyway, turned out to be the most wonderful thing for creativity as well.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
 When I'm doing, as you know, I've done a lot of hardcore dramas that happen to be like R-rated that my kids cannot see.
1
SPEAKER_01
But how it's been great for me when I come home and my kids, five-year-old, they'll say, so what's this movie about?
1
SPEAKER_01
And I've got to tell them in the version that can make it sound fabelic or make it sound where they're with it and they think it sounds really, really cool and interesting in a G-rated way.
1
SPEAKER_01
 So that's been really good for my creativity to answer those simple questions from my kids when I get home from work.
1
SPEAKER_01
Or why are you doing this job?
1
SPEAKER_01
Why are you taking this role?
1
SPEAKER_01
Great, thank you for asking me that.
1
SPEAKER_01
Let me see if I can give you a satisfactory answer.
1
SPEAKER_01
And if I can't, it's another measurement that we see earlier.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, maybe I don't have this down yet.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
 You know?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
I love that.
1
SPEAKER_00
That's beautiful because I think, especially as someone as successful an artist as you, it's so easy to get wrapped up in like, this is how I get the most creative, or this is my optimal performance level, or I know how to get in the zone.
1
SPEAKER_00
And that can sometimes be our greatest block to actually getting into the zone in a completely different way.
1
SPEAKER_01
 Yeah, I'm very much, I had a great mentor of mine who would tell me, Matthew, you work so hard and prepare so hard for a scene, you love to go into any situation,
1
SPEAKER_01
 Balanced, both feet balanced.
1
SPEAKER_01
You love to go in like this.
1
SPEAKER_01
She goes, I'm gonna tell you this.
1
SPEAKER_01
I dare you to start looking at life and your work right before you go into it.
1
SPEAKER_01
Get on one leg and see if you can find your balance because in finding your balance is when you're most alive.
1
SPEAKER_01
In finding the balance, the stable position is when life's a verb and you see life come and it's life really happens, you know?
1
SPEAKER_01
And it was a great note, not just in work, but in life.
1
SPEAKER_01
 go into a situation and instead of coming in, set, locked in.
1
SPEAKER_01
 Do the work that you know how to be sturdy and balanced, but go into it intentionally off balance and find your balance.
1
SPEAKER_00
That's beautiful.
1
SPEAKER_00
That's beautiful.
1
SPEAKER_00
I love that.
1
SPEAKER_00
Again, my head's like applying that to a million things right now.
1
SPEAKER_00
That is so beautiful.
1
SPEAKER_00
I love that.
1
SPEAKER_00
I love the fact that when we're off balance, that's when we're most alive.
1
SPEAKER_00
It's when we're most animated, searching, seeking, like looking, like as soon as you feel like you've got it, you know, it just, oh, that's beautiful.
1
SPEAKER_00
 That's really beautiful, I love that.
1
SPEAKER_00
In your book, in the last chapter, you talk about the 10 goals you set out to achieve, and we were just talking about your kids achieving things that you didn't see yourself achieving.
1
SPEAKER_00
You had your life goals written out.
1
SPEAKER_00
Have you surprised yourself?
1
SPEAKER_00
Did you always feel convinced it was gonna happen?
1
SPEAKER_00
Which ones have been the ones that surprised you, and which ones are the ones where like, yeah, I saw that?
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, it's a funny thing,
1
SPEAKER_01
 Here's why I didn't surprise myself, because when I wrote those 10 goals down in 1989, I forgot about them the next day.
1
SPEAKER_01
I never looked at them again.
1
SPEAKER_01
God, I had written them.
1
SPEAKER_01
But obviously I didn't forget I wrote them because I accomplished all 10, although I consciously never looked at them again or remembered them even in a mental list in my mind.
1
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
1
SPEAKER_01
 So I guess the best I can tell is that, oh, you wrote down some really true goals for yourself, McConaughey, because you didn't even have to write them down.
1
SPEAKER_01
They were written inside you with the unwritten word because you accomplished them.
1
SPEAKER_01
Now look, there's some in there that I pulled off.
1
SPEAKER_01
I'm like, what?
1
SPEAKER_01
In 1989, you didn't even know you were going to be an actor.
1
SPEAKER_01
You wouldn't even admit you wanted to be an actor.
1
SPEAKER_01
And you wrote down you wanted to win an Academy Award for best actor.
1
SPEAKER_01
What?
1
SPEAKER_01
 Didn't look at that for 28, 29 years and found it right in this book.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I went, okay, want to be a father, keep God in my life, family, live a life where I could look forward looking back.
1
SPEAKER_01
I had some pretty cool aspirations that for the most part have succeeded in some way in achieving.
1
SPEAKER_00
 It's special to see that.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I love that it was, again, planted as a seed, but you weren't obsessed about it in a practical way.
1
SPEAKER_00
Because it's that obsession that almost makes you feel so far away from it.
1
SPEAKER_00
If you're constantly looking at it every day going, oh, where is that?
1
SPEAKER_00
Where is that?
1
SPEAKER_00
And you're only looking at the Oscar, whereas actually for you, it was that pivot of like, I've been doing these types of movies,
1
SPEAKER_00
 and I feel like I need to unbrand my, you know, all of that was what got you the Oscar.
1
SPEAKER_00
It wasn't obsessing over the Oscar.
1
SPEAKER_00
You're exactly right.
1
SPEAKER_01
And look, your word purpose, it's, let's deconstruct that in this way for myself, as well as everyone else, because that clarity of purpose to see something and go accomplish, I love that.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
I need that.
1
SPEAKER_01
It gives me significance, achievement, and I can measure it.
1
SPEAKER_01
I wanted to do that today and I got that done.
1
SPEAKER_01
This is what I wanted and I got that.
1
SPEAKER_01
 but it's a dance because not everything is like that.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I don't, if, if you have a, for instance, in my work, I wouldn't have gone and done work that was deemed excellent.
1
SPEAKER_01
I'll win an Academy Award or done whatever work I've done that anyone may deem excellent.
1
SPEAKER_01
I wouldn't have been as good at it.
1
SPEAKER_01
I wasn't as good at it until I had a family that came first.
1
SPEAKER_01
 When it was my top goal, I was more result, it was more about the result.
1
SPEAKER_01
When I had family and I was like, ah, well, there we go.
1
SPEAKER_01
Now I've made it.
1
SPEAKER_01
Acting was number two.
1
SPEAKER_01
Didn't mean I worked any less hard at it.
1
SPEAKER_01
If anything, I worked harder at it, but I was all about the process.
1
SPEAKER_01
I've gotten so many more results when I didn't give a damn about the result.
1
SPEAKER_01
It's like that, you know, best rounds of golf.
1
SPEAKER_01
 You know, when you walk off the 18th hole and you're headed to the next tee box and they go, no, you finished the round.
1
SPEAKER_01
You're like, oh, I didn't even know it was over the run.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh yeah, you shot 63.
1
SPEAKER_01
What?
1
SPEAKER_01
You know, my best work is when we wrap and I'm like, okay, everyone, I'll see you tomorrow morning.
1
SPEAKER_01
And they're like, no, there is no tomorrow morning.
1
SPEAKER_01
The show's over.
1
SPEAKER_01
I'm like, oh, that's it?
1
SPEAKER_01
You know, it's the Bo Jackson.
1
SPEAKER_01
He didn't run across the goal line.
1
SPEAKER_01
He ran across the goal line through the end zone up the tunnel.
1
SPEAKER_01
You know what I mean?
1
SPEAKER_01
It's like extend your finish line.
1
SPEAKER_01
 to a place that you're like, oh, it's like now dealing with COVID.
1
SPEAKER_01
I think it's very good for us to think, what if this is going on for another three years?
1
SPEAKER_01
We'll probably be able to engage somewhat normally before then.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
But if I think that in my mind, I'm already starting to get my purpose and survival skills are coming to the forefront.
1
SPEAKER_01
I'm preparing.
1
SPEAKER_01
If I'm thinking, oh, I hope COVID's over tomorrow.
1
SPEAKER_01
 I'm wasting 30% of my energy thinking, is tomorrow the day?
1
SPEAKER_01
And then I wake up and go, oh, not today.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay, maybe tomorrow.
1
SPEAKER_01
No, not tomorrow.
1
SPEAKER_01
You're wasting energy.
1
SPEAKER_01
So it's a good practice, I think, to put things way out in front of you that are beyond your reach.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
So then they don't stay in that first place.
1
SPEAKER_01
You can't quite grasp them.
1
SPEAKER_01
They're not tangible.
1
SPEAKER_01
And you'll actually probably achieve them, have a better chance of achieving them if you just put your head down and stay in the process.
1
SPEAKER_00
 I love that.
1
SPEAKER_00
I love that, man.
1
SPEAKER_00
Everyone, that is Green Lights by Matthew McConaughey.
1
SPEAKER_00
Make sure you grab the book.
1
SPEAKER_00
We're putting the link in the comments.
1
SPEAKER_00
I highly recommend it.
1
SPEAKER_00
If you want to be entertained, enlightened, and have an experience at the same time, it's a perfect journey in that.
1
SPEAKER_00
And if you want to learn more about someone that you've been watching,
1
SPEAKER_00
 for so many years and loving and appreciating, then this is the book to go to.
1
SPEAKER_00
Matthew, we end every episode with a fast five.
1
SPEAKER_00
These are the final five questions, and they have to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum.
1
SPEAKER_00
So that's the deal.
1
SPEAKER_00
And you've already been very generous with your time, so this is the last thing.
1
SPEAKER_00
So your first question is, what was your biggest lesson from the last 12 months?
1
SPEAKER_01
Make sense of humor, your default emotion.
1
SPEAKER_00
 Nice, I like it, awesome.
1
SPEAKER_00
All right, question number two.
1
SPEAKER_00
What's something you know to be true but other people would disagree with you on?
1
SPEAKER_00
What's something that you're like very confident about but people may not agree with you?
1
SPEAKER_01
Spending time alone and not enjoying the company is a healthy, constructive practice because there's only one person we're stuck with in this life.
1
SPEAKER_00
 Spending time alone and not enjoying the company is a constructive choice.
1
SPEAKER_01
Stick with it.
1
SPEAKER_01
Don't pull the parachute in the discomfort.
1
SPEAKER_01
You will work it out.
1
SPEAKER_01
The monkeys on your back will finally start playing and swinging from the trees in a right way, and it will get organized.
1
SPEAKER_01
Don't pull the parachute in the discomfort.
1
SPEAKER_01
Stick through it.
1
SPEAKER_01
Because if you pull out too early,
1
SPEAKER_01
 When you're not getting along with yourself, it's gonna bubble up in awkward ways later on, and you're gonna be forced to go through the penance.
1
SPEAKER_01
So stick with it.
1
SPEAKER_01
You'll come out the other side, you'll shake hands with yourself, and you'll realize there's only one person I can't get rid of, and that's me.
1
SPEAKER_01
We better get along.
1
SPEAKER_01
Figure it out.
1
SPEAKER_00
I love that.
1
SPEAKER_00
That's great advice.
1
SPEAKER_00
I had many moments like that in my monk life, so I could definitely relate to sticking through that.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay, question number three.
1
SPEAKER_00
If you could have one superpower, what would it be?
1
SPEAKER_01
Invisible.
1
SPEAKER_00
 That's the one.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I gotta just take the easy low-hanging fruit and go.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then just say, okay, now that you're invisible,
2
SPEAKER_00
 Let's see if you can handle this great freak.
2
SPEAKER_00
That's a real tester there.
2
SPEAKER_00
That's the one that'll challenge somebody the most.
2
SPEAKER_00
What can you do with that power?
2
SPEAKER_01
It is true.
2
SPEAKER_01
It is true.
2
SPEAKER_01
Can you be trusted with that power?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, can you trust yourself with it and can you deal with what it exposes you to?
2
SPEAKER_01
 Yep.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Those are challenges.
2
SPEAKER_01
Absolutely.
2
SPEAKER_00
All right.
2
SPEAKER_01
Question number four, when does a risk not make sense?
2
SPEAKER_01
Because as you were saying, your father, when you take risks, you started to take, you've taken loads of risks in your life.
2
SPEAKER_01
You know, there's, there's plenty of examples in the book.
2
SPEAKER_01
When does a risk not make sense?
2
SPEAKER_00
When it's for risk sake.
2
SPEAKER_00
It's like, you know,
2
SPEAKER_00
 an eccentricity for eccentricity sake.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like, well, what the hell is that for?
2
SPEAKER_00
I like to see, is there construction?
2
SPEAKER_00
Is this a constructive risk?
2
SPEAKER_00
Is taking this risk, what can it pay?
2
SPEAKER_00
What can I get from it?
2
SPEAKER_00
What will be the green light in this?
2
SPEAKER_00
What is my ROI?
2
SPEAKER_00
Return on investment of taking this risk.
2
SPEAKER_00
And like I said, it's not a risk unless you can lose a fight.
2
SPEAKER_00
It's not really a risk unless you can lose a fight.
2
SPEAKER_01
 Well said.
2
SPEAKER_01
All right, fifth and final question.
2
SPEAKER_01
If you could create a law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?
2
SPEAKER_00
It's not a law, but I'll say this.
2
SPEAKER_00
Great question for all of us to ask ourselves every day.
2
SPEAKER_00
And it will change.
2
SPEAKER_00
This answer changes.
2
SPEAKER_00
Great question to ask ourselves is this.
2
SPEAKER_00
Two words.
2
SPEAKER_00
I value.
2
SPEAKER_00
Question mark.
2
SPEAKER_00
 Yeah, because we all, you know, I bring this up in the book about we all want to be relevant.
2
SPEAKER_00
Damn right we do.
2
SPEAKER_00
But let's not forget to ask relevant for what?
2
SPEAKER_00
What really matters?
2
SPEAKER_00
What's going to pick, think long money, not short money.
2
SPEAKER_00
What's the long ROI?
2
SPEAKER_00
What's the big eternal green light, you know?
2
SPEAKER_00
Tee yourself up for the future, you know, as much as you can.
2
SPEAKER_00
 You know, yeah, I value is a great question that I think it's prudent for all of us to ask ourselves.
2
SPEAKER_00
I know it'll change, it'll change.
2
SPEAKER_00
The answer will change.
2
SPEAKER_01
 I think it's a great law.
2
SPEAKER_01
I love that.
2
SPEAKER_01
Everyone, Matthew McConaughey, Green Lights.
2
SPEAKER_01
Make sure you go and grab a copy of the book.
2
SPEAKER_01
Matthew, this has been amazing.
2
SPEAKER_01
I've loved every part of this discussion.
2
SPEAKER_01
I'm so glad I got the opportunity to not only read the book, but to spend this time with you and dive in.
2
SPEAKER_01
If there's anything I didn't let you share or anything that's on your mind that you're like, Jay, I really want to share this, or I really want to put this out there, the stage is yours.
2
SPEAKER_00
 No, that was it.
2
SPEAKER_00
I look forward to talking to you again in the future about your three years as a monk.
2
SPEAKER_00
I'd love that, man.
2
SPEAKER_00
And how much that, or how much or how little, to what extent, that still defines who you are today.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
Because as we all know, you know, the truths that cross us in those times of solitude, the world is built to strip those away.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
And it takes, it's hard
2
SPEAKER_00
 to maintain those truths amongst the masses.
2
SPEAKER_00
That old Emerson quote, may the truth that comes to me in solitude, can I please march through the masses with still the clarity that it holds.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I'd love to have a deeper, longer conversation about what that, you know, three years.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, for sure.
2
SPEAKER_01
I'd love to share it with you, man.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it's been seven years since I've left and it's just, it's been the, you know, I've always described it as like monk school was like going to school.
2
SPEAKER_01
 And then the last seven years have been like the exam.
2
SPEAKER_01
And so I feel like I've been applying, I've been noticing the lessons everywhere in the masses in the real world.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I'm trying to pass as many tests as I can, but some you pass, some you fail.
2
SPEAKER_01
But I enjoy the fact that I feel I have the schooling in the map.
2
SPEAKER_01
 And so I've tried, for me, I've tried.
2
SPEAKER_01
My biggest vision is to try to continue to live it.
2
SPEAKER_01
And actually, I enjoy the challenge of having to apply it in the masses.
2
SPEAKER_01
Because that's where the fun is.
2
SPEAKER_01
That's where I get the excitement from.
2
SPEAKER_00
That's the buzz, right?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, that's the thrill.
2
SPEAKER_01
The thrill is not being on the mountaintop.
2
SPEAKER_01
The thrill is being in this space.
2
SPEAKER_00
In the game.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, in the game.
2
SPEAKER_00
So yeah, man.
2
SPEAKER_01
I look forward to that.
2
SPEAKER_01
Let me know how it's passed.
2
SPEAKER_01
I'd love to.
2
SPEAKER_01
That would be beautiful.
2
SPEAKER_01
 But this was awesome, man.
2
SPEAKER_01
And we can't wait to share it with the community.
2
SPEAKER_01
They're going to love it.
2
SPEAKER_01
And they'll love the book, too.
2
SPEAKER_01
It's perfect.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like, it's exactly what our community loves.
2
SPEAKER_01
So it's going to be amazing.
2
SPEAKER_00
And thank you, Jay.
2
SPEAKER_00
I sure enjoyed it.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, thank you.
2
SPEAKER_01
I really enjoyed it.
2
SPEAKER_01
Pleasure meeting you, Matthew.
2
SPEAKER_01
Thank you so much.
2
SPEAKER_01
Take care.
2
SPEAKER_01
Have a wonderful evening.
2
SPEAKER_04
 Hey everyone, this is Molly and Matt, and we're the hosts of Grown Up Stuff How to Adult, a podcast from Ruby Studio and iHeart Podcasts.
2
SPEAKER_03
It's a show dedicated to helping you figure out the trickiest parts of adulting.
2
SPEAKER_04
Like how to start planning for retirement, creating a healthy skincare routine, understanding when and how much to tip someone, and so much more.
2
SPEAKER_03
Let's learn about all of it and then some.
2
SPEAKER_03
Listen to Grown Up Stuff How to Adult on America's number one podcast network, iHeart.
2
SPEAKER_03
Open your free iHeart app and search Grown Up Stuff.
2
SPEAKER_05
 A new season of Bridgerton is here.
2
SPEAKER_05
And with it, a new season of Bridgerton, the official podcast.
2
SPEAKER_05
I'm your host, Gabby Collins.
2
SPEAKER_05
And this season, we are bringing fans even deeper into the ton.
2
SPEAKER_05
Watch season three of the Shondaland series on Netflix.
2
SPEAKER_05
Then fall in love all over again by listening to Bridgerton, the official podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
2
SPEAKER_05
Subscribe to catch a new episode every Thursday.
2
SPEAKER_02
 Guess what, Will?
2
SPEAKER_02
What's up, Mango?
2
SPEAKER_02
I've been trying to write a promo for our podcast, Part-Time Genius, but even though we've done over 250 episodes, we don't really talk about murders or cults.
2
SPEAKER_02
I mean, we did just cover the Illuminati of cheese, so I feel like that makes us pretty edgy.
2
SPEAKER_02
We also solve mysteries like how Chinese is your Chinese food and how do dollar stores make money?
2
SPEAKER_02
And then, of course, can you game a dog show?
2
SPEAKER_02
So what you're saying is everyone should be listening.
2
SPEAKER_02
Listen to Part-Time Genius on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.