0
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I m David Farrier, a New Zealander accidentally marooned in America, and I want to figure out what makes this country tick.
0
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Now there are some things in America that continue to blow my mind, and one of those is the cereal aisle at the grocery store.
0
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It s the sheer scale of it.
0
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You gently turn your trolley down a new aisle and suddenly you find yourself enveloped by a wall of cereal on every side.
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It s overwhelming and inescapable.
0
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Boxes and boxes of cereal towering over you as far as the eye can see.
0
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Last time I was at Vons, I recorded this voice memo.
0
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Okay, so these are just some of the options we ve got here.
0
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We ve got Corn Pops, Crave, Cocoa Pebbles, Fruit Loops, Frosted Flakes, Apple Jacks, Fruit Pebbles, Peanut Butter Crunch, Oops, All Berries, Cookie Crisp, Tricks, Lucky Charms, Reese s Puffs, Cinnamon Crunch, Mini Cinnamon Crunch Rolls, Toast Crunch,
0
SPEAKER_04
Honey Hops Vanilla Spice Cheerios Cheerios Oat Crunch Wheat Chex Crispex Cereal Honey Bunch of Oats Oats and More Rice Pockets Corn Chex I m maybe a tenth of the way down the aisle?
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Jesus!
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Raisin Bran Raisin Bran Light Bran Puffs Grain Berry All Bran Ahhhh!
0
SPEAKER_04
It s a wonderland of names I d never heard of before.
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See, in New Zealand, our main breakfast cereal is Wheat Bix.
0
SPEAKER_04
Despite the ad telling you that Kiwi kids are Weet-Bix kids, it s rubbish.
0
SPEAKER_04
Kiwi kids hate Weet-Bix.
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SPEAKER_04
It tastes like cardboard.
0
SPEAKER_04
Weet-Bix doesn t try and hide this fact.
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SPEAKER_04
Its latest ad slogan was simple as best.
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SPEAKER_04
That kind of shit doesn t fly in America.
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SPEAKER_00
When I say cereal, you say dinner.
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SPEAKER_00
Cereal!
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SPEAKER_00
Dinner!
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SPEAKER_00
Cereal!
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SPEAKER_00
Dinner!
0
SPEAKER_04
Over here, they re eating cereal for dinner.
0
SPEAKER_04
I thought Seinfeld had made that bit up, but at the mere mention of cereal, Americans start salivating.
0
SPEAKER_04
There are over 5,000 different types of cereal in America, which is, frankly, outrageous.
0
SPEAKER_04
Why?
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Why is cereal such a big part of American life?
0
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I needed to find out.
0
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So, grab a bowl and get ready to fill it to the brim with grains and a hearty serving of milk.
0
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because this is the Cereal Episode.
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What are your emotions towards cereal, Monica?
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SPEAKER_05
They re very positive.
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Okay, same.
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SPEAKER_05
My favorites are in this order.
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Okay.
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SPEAKER_05
Life, number one.
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SPEAKER_04
Life, quite an epic name.
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You haven t had life?
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SPEAKER_04
No.
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Oh, it s so good.
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SPEAKER_05
Two is...
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can t be that good.
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SPEAKER_05
No, I m so tired.
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SPEAKER_04
Same.
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SPEAKER_04
I m wrecked.
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SPEAKER_05
Honey Nut Cheerios.
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SPEAKER_04
Okay.
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SPEAKER_04
Honey Nut Cheerios.
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Okay.
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SPEAKER_05
And then number three is Honey Bunches of Oats.
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I m just going to say I m also wrecked this week.
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I ve been house sitting and dog sitting at the same time.
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And house-sitting I find disorientating because you re in a completely different setting.
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SPEAKER_04
It s nice.
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SPEAKER_04
It s a nicer house than I m normally in, so that s cool.
0
SPEAKER_04
But it s disorientating.
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SPEAKER_04
But it s come with a puppy, and the puppy has been on antibiotics or something, and that makes it vomit up all its food all the time.
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SPEAKER_04
When I go home from this, there ll be vomit on the ground I ll have to clean up.
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SPEAKER_04
Apparently chicken and rice will help soothe its stomach.
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SPEAKER_04
Honestly, I m so tired.
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SPEAKER_04
It s so intense.
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SPEAKER_04
Yes, I m wrecked.
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SPEAKER_04
Why are you wrecked?
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SPEAKER_04
What s your excuse?
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SPEAKER_05
I don t know.
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SPEAKER_05
I ve been sleeping so badly.
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SPEAKER_04
Yeah, right.
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SPEAKER_04
Just waking up and miserable.
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SPEAKER_05
I just couldn t sleep at all last night.
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SPEAKER_04
Sorry, that sucks.
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SPEAKER_05
I don t know why.
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SPEAKER_05
I am drinking this new tea.
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SPEAKER_04
Okay.
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SPEAKER_05
And I wonder if that has anything.
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SPEAKER_04
If it s the tea, but it is caffeinated.
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SPEAKER_05
It s not caffeinated.
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SPEAKER_04
Not caffeinated at all.
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SPEAKER_04
No.
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SPEAKER_04
What flavor?
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SPEAKER_05
It s called rest and digest.
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SPEAKER_05
It s for the night.
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SPEAKER_04
It s not working.
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SPEAKER_05
It s not working for resting.
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How s the digesting?
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Is that on the up?
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SPEAKER_05
It feels normal.
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SPEAKER_04
It feels good.
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SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_04
Maybe give it a rest tonight and see if it changes things.
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SPEAKER_05
I know.
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SPEAKER_04
I mean, I just wake up to the sound of vomiting.
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SPEAKER_04
I m like a puppy wanting to crawl into the bed.
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SPEAKER_04
It s honestly, I m wrecked.
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SPEAKER_05
Do you let it sleep in the bed?
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SPEAKER_04
Well, it s got a crate, but then it starts whining because it s upset.
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SPEAKER_04
And I love animals, so I ll clean the vomit off its little muzzle.
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SPEAKER_04
Ew!
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SPEAKER_04
And it ll lick me and sort of lie down.
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SPEAKER_05
Ew, this is disgusting.
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SPEAKER_04
I thought you d enjoy this because I know you love dogs.
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SPEAKER_04
But honestly, it s been good for me because I have toyed with the idea of dog ownership.
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SPEAKER_04
I ve never had a dog for this long, and for me,
0
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No offense to this particular dog or the owners.
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SPEAKER_04
It s a no from me.
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SPEAKER_05
It is.
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SPEAKER_05
It s sealed the deal.
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SPEAKER_04
Sealed the deal.
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SPEAKER_04
I m no longer a dog person.
0
SPEAKER_04
This little fucking creature.
0
SPEAKER_04
It s adorable.
0
SPEAKER_04
It s adorable.
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SPEAKER_04
It s also loud.
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SPEAKER_04
Yes, barky.
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SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_05
How big is it?
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SPEAKER_04
It s a schnauzer, so it s little.
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SPEAKER_04
It s a rescue, so a bit of mutton there.
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SPEAKER_04
It s friendly, like it s cute, but then it s also... Sick.
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SPEAKER_04
It s sick.
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SPEAKER_04
I can only leave the house for three-hour periods, because when I leave the house, it has to go in its little crate, and you can t leave a puppy in a crate during the day for extended periods.
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SPEAKER_04
So I get these three-hour windows.
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SPEAKER_04
Being here with you, Monica, I m in the window.
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SPEAKER_05
It s a big deal.
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SPEAKER_04
And after this, this window s made up of recording, this episode, and then I ve got to go to the supermarket and find fucking chicken, get the white meat out.
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SPEAKER_04
I ve got to cook some rice when I get home.
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SPEAKER_05
How much longer do you have to do this for?
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My friend s actually coming back from their holiday tomorrow.
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SPEAKER_04
They re coming back early.
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SPEAKER_05
Because of the vomit?
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SPEAKER_04
Well, yeah, they want to make sure it s okay.
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SPEAKER_04
And the dog eats its vomit again, which is okay, because basically the problem is...
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The puppy is eating the food too quickly.
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SPEAKER_04
So I ve got a special bowl that slows down the eating.
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SPEAKER_04
It s a weird shape.
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SPEAKER_04
So it s really got to like get its tongue in there to get the food out.
0
SPEAKER_04
But it s still eating too fast.
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SPEAKER_04
So a common thing with puppies is they ll eat too fast.
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SPEAKER_04
They ll vomit it up.
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SPEAKER_04
They ll eat it again, which is okay, but at least it s eating.
0
SPEAKER_04
The main thing is she s eating.
0
SPEAKER_04
It s not okay.
0
SPEAKER_04
It s definitely not okay.
0
SPEAKER_04
But no, the main thing is they are getting the food back in.
0
SPEAKER_04
So it s not like this dog is going without food.
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SPEAKER_04
It s a process.
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SPEAKER_04
It comes up.
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goes down again.
0
SPEAKER_04
Anyway, so I ve talked about this for too long.
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My point is we re both tired.
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SPEAKER_04
Really tired.
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SPEAKER_04
But hey.
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SPEAKER_05
Which is I guess sort of a ding, ding, ding because people eat cereal for breakfast, which is in the morning.
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When they re tired.
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SPEAKER_05
After they ve slept, they re tired.
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SPEAKER_04
So I love cereal in the morning.
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SPEAKER_04
I m also someone, and that s the ad we heard in the intro, who does eat it sometimes for dinner.
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SPEAKER_05
Yeah.
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How do you feel about cereal at sort of different times, sort of a snack
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SPEAKER_05
Knowing the ingredients that are in most cereals, it s a full scam.
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SPEAKER_05
I mean, it s incredible what they ve done.
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SPEAKER_04
It is, right?
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SPEAKER_05
The marketing.
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SPEAKER_04
Yeah, it is.
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SPEAKER_04
It s nuts.
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SPEAKER_05
To make it a morning food.
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SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_04
And so in New Zealand, we have other cereals besides wheat bakes.
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SPEAKER_04
It is our main national cereal.
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SPEAKER_02
Can you spell that?
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SPEAKER_04
W-E-E-T-B-I-X.
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SPEAKER_04
Bix.
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SPEAKER_04
Yeah, so they re these little like biscuit shaped things.
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SPEAKER_04
But we had this other cereal growing up, Nutri-Grain, and that s here as well.
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SPEAKER_05
We had like Nutri-Grain bars and stuff.
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SPEAKER_04
Yeah, right.
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SPEAKER_04
So this was Nutri-Grain, but in a cereal.
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SPEAKER_04
And all the ads were like weightlifters and swimmers.
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SPEAKER_04
And I remember seeing this ad and being like, oh my God, this is how I m going to get buff because I was a skinny little kid.
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SPEAKER_04
And so I just eat so much Nutri-Grain, I made myself sick of it.
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SPEAKER_04
I actually vomited Nutri-Grain one time.
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SPEAKER_05
Okay, gross, and did you eat it back up?
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SPEAKER_04
Yeah, slapped it back up again in the bowl.
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SPEAKER_04
But, you know, it was such a scam.
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SPEAKER_04
It s not good for you.
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SPEAKER_04
It s just sugar.
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SPEAKER_04
It was sugar and some fire.
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SPEAKER_04
Awful.
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SPEAKER_05
It s lies.
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SPEAKER_05
Well, it s not lies.
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SPEAKER_05
They don t tell you it s not sugar, I guess.
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SPEAKER_05
They just tell you to eat it for breakfast and then people do.
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But I eat it often if I m eating cereal, which at this point in life is very rare.
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SPEAKER_05
But if I have a box of life in the house, I will eat it all.
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SPEAKER_03
Okay, so life sounds like a cult.
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SPEAKER_03
What is in life?
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SPEAKER_05
It s so good.
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SPEAKER_03
What s the vibe?
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SPEAKER_05
It s these little squares.
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SPEAKER_05
They have sugar on them.
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SPEAKER_05
They re kind of a wheat.
0
SPEAKER_03
Kind of like Chex.
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SPEAKER_05
No, they re not puffy like Chex, though.
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SPEAKER_03
A bit more solid?
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SPEAKER_05
They re thin.
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SPEAKER_03
They re little squares, right?
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SPEAKER_03
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_05
They re squares and they re wheat, but again, they re thin.
0
SPEAKER_04
And do you just like, is it the taste or the texture that you re- Both.
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SPEAKER_04
Okay.
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SPEAKER_05
It s so good.
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SPEAKER_05
They also have cinnamon life.
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SPEAKER_05
I bet a lot of people who are listening are fans of cinnamon life.
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SPEAKER_05
I like cinnamon life just fine, but I prefer classic life.
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SPEAKER_04
Okay.
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SPEAKER_05
And I eat it for dessert.
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SPEAKER_04
Yeah, as a dessert after dinner.
0
SPEAKER_04
So better than ice cream, you have some, yeah, I think dessert s a common thing.
0
SPEAKER_05
And sometimes as a snack.
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SPEAKER_05
My friend used to do this in college.
0
SPEAKER_05
She would always put cereal in a little baggie and then that was her snack.
0
SPEAKER_04
Also no milk at all.
0
SPEAKER_04
So I went to a cafe this morning with this dog that just fucking barked at everyone.
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SPEAKER_05
David, you know I hate that.
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Sorry, I was that guy.
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SPEAKER_04
So I ordered some granola, which I think of as a cereal.
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SPEAKER_02
And something I find in America is it never gets served in a cafe with milk, ever.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, it s only yogurt.
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SPEAKER_02
So I m like, at the end of the meal, I d eaten, I guzzled down the yogurt, delicious, and the berries.
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SPEAKER_03
Where d you go?
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SPEAKER_02
I m staying in Atwater Village.
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SPEAKER_02
It s a new cafe.
1
SPEAKER_02
I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_02
They re dog friendly, which is good.
1
SPEAKER_03
Was it yummy?
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SPEAKER_02
It was yummy.
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SPEAKER_02
Until I d guzzled all the fruit and I was just sitting there, like alone in a cafe.
1
SPEAKER_02
Sort of looked down, I was just like eating dry bits of cereal, like shoveling in, and I m like, this is, where s the milk?
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, I do feel like America slash L.A., I don t know which is which at this point, but definitely granola does not have milk.
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SPEAKER_03
It s so weird.
1
SPEAKER_03
It s always just sprinkled on yogurt or by itself again as a snack.
1
SPEAKER_02
Isn t that sort of fascinating?
1
SPEAKER_02
Because I thought part of the joy of the granola or any cereal is the milk.
1
SPEAKER_02
It sort of turns into a soup.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, I think they ve tried to separate the granola from the milk.
1
SPEAKER_03
Although, you know who still does it?
1
SPEAKER_03
I haven t been in a while, but.
1
SPEAKER_03
Oh, I also have a cold.
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SPEAKER_03
That s part of why I m tired.
1
SPEAKER_02
Buried the lead.
1
SPEAKER_02
Sick and sick.
1
SPEAKER_02
Absolutely wrecked over there.
1
SPEAKER_03
A place that I used to get granola with milk.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, I want to know.
1
SPEAKER_03
Trails.
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SPEAKER_03
Your favorite place with your favorite peanut butter and jelly.
1
SPEAKER_02
Full of dogs.
1
SPEAKER_03
Full of dogs.
1
SPEAKER_03
The place we went hiking where you didn t recognize me.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yep.
1
SPEAKER_02
Hold on to that.
1
SPEAKER_03
They have a granola and you can get house-made almond milk with it.
1
SPEAKER_03
And it is really good.
1
SPEAKER_02
Okay, this is a great tip.
1
SPEAKER_02
I really like that cafe.
1
SPEAKER_02
Dog friendly, I can take little Spewy along.
1
SPEAKER_03
Oh, his name s Spewy?
1
SPEAKER_02
That s what I call him.
1
SPEAKER_03
What is his name?
1
SPEAKER_02
I don t want to give the dog s name away because if the owner s listening to this, I want them thinking maybe it s another dog.
1
SPEAKER_03
Don t you think the owner knows your name?
1
SPEAKER_02
Malabia of House Sat and Dog Sat Another Dog.
1
SPEAKER_02
If I say the name, it seals the deal.
1
SPEAKER_03
Another dog who s sick and coming home early.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, there s a lot of coincidences, but I think I can push the boundaries, you know?
1
SPEAKER_02
I ll say this is an old story I told in the podcast as I was running low on material, so I brought up this old, not the current dog sit, this really old one I did, it was years ago.
1
SPEAKER_03
Oh, we re keeping all this in?
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, that s fine.
1
SPEAKER_03
What we re talking about right now.
1
SPEAKER_03
So they definitely know who you re talking about.
1
SPEAKER_02
No.
1
SPEAKER_02
No, I m not going to say the dog s name.
1
SPEAKER_03
Now, fuck, I really want to know its name.
1
SPEAKER_03
Why do you do this?
1
SPEAKER_02
It is fun.
1
SPEAKER_02
I don t mean to do it, but then your reaction makes me more... I do enjoy it, so it s sadistic.
1
SPEAKER_02
I didn t mean to do that, but I m absolutely not going to say the dog s name.
1
SPEAKER_00
So milk and cereal.
1
SPEAKER_00
How do you feel about soggy cereal?
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, I don t like it being soggy.
1
SPEAKER_02
I like to pour the milk in very quickly.
1
SPEAKER_02
I ll guzzle it down before I get soggy.
1
SPEAKER_02
That s my move too.
1
SPEAKER_03
Do you know who the person is that he s house-sitting for?
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
Do you have access to their Instagram or anything?
1
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I could find it.
1
SPEAKER_03
I want to know the dog s name.
1
SPEAKER_02
Okay, Rob s going to go on the trail for, okay, this is always, it s like the pool all over again.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, you said, oh, detective.
1
SPEAKER_02
Rob on the task.
1
SPEAKER_03
In-house detective.
1
SPEAKER_02
I m on it.
1
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_02
I m going to play my little documentary about cereal.
1
SPEAKER_03
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_02
And it was fun to make because I d never thought about cereal as much as this before.
1
SPEAKER_03
This is fun.
1
SPEAKER_03
I wish we had some right now.
1
SPEAKER_03
Oh my God, so fast.
1
SPEAKER_02
No Rob.
1
SPEAKER_03
What is the dog s name?
1
SPEAKER_02
No, no Rob, Rob, you outed my pool.
1
SPEAKER_02
I won t.
1
SPEAKER_02
You outed my pool.
1
SPEAKER_03
And what happened?
1
SPEAKER_03
Nothing.
1
SPEAKER_03
So.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I don t know the dog s name, but I found a video of the dog.
1
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_03
Maybe in it they re saying Sparky or whatever it is because.
1
SPEAKER_02
All right.
1
SPEAKER_02
So here s my audio documentary.
1
SPEAKER_02
Old spewy guts.
1
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_02
Here is Serial part one.
1
SPEAKER_02
I ve been watching a lot of American cereal commercials for this episode, and let me tell you, they re deranged.
1
SPEAKER_02
This one sees a clown that looks like John Wayne Gacy bursting out of a dog kennel before sitting down to sell America a bowl of sugar rice crinkles.
1
SPEAKER_00
Honey and sugar was being sold to American children in the 60s, and from what I can tell, not all that much has changed.
1
SPEAKER_00
I wash my face and I notice I got a lot more face.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m the guy on the Kellogg s Froot Loops box.
1
SPEAKER_02
That ad for Froot Loops is still selling sugar and has a kid tearing his own face off to reveal he s actually a giant toucan underneath.
1
SPEAKER_02
These ads make me feel exactly how I feel when walking down the cereal aisle in America.
1
SPEAKER_02
Overwhelmed and deranged.
1
SPEAKER_02
I realised I d need someone to help navigate me through this overwhelming world of grains, carbs and sugar.
1
SPEAKER_01
I ve always been really excited to wake up and live my life, in particular if there s great cereal to start my day.
1
SPEAKER_02
Thomas Hicks loves life, but he mainly loves cereal.
1
SPEAKER_02
He s been reviewing cereal on YouTube for years as the Cereal Snob.
1
SPEAKER_02
He s made a life reviewing American cereal.
1
SPEAKER_02
He got the idea back in 2015.
1
SPEAKER_01
I was walking down the aisle at the store and I saw Captain Crunch s Sprinkle Donut Crunch.
1
SPEAKER_01
I was like, what the fuck is this?
1
SPEAKER_01
What is that?
1
SPEAKER_01
You go down that aisle and then first off, it s an entire aisle, sometimes lined on both sides.
1
SPEAKER_01
And there s so many varieties and I was like, is this good?
1
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I trust the brand Captain Crunch, but not blindly.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I saw someone recently on the internet review Oreos, just different flavors of Oreos.
1
SPEAKER_01
And that s kind of when it hit me as like, oh, well, I could do that.
1
SPEAKER_01
But with cereal, someone needs a voice that they can just trust, because no one was consistently talking about the newer and more confusing cereals that existed.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, I ll be that guy.
1
SPEAKER_02
Thomas would be the perfect man to metaphorically hold my hand as I walked down the cereal aisle of America, an aisle he fell in love with decades ago.
1
SPEAKER_01
You know, I grew up initially in a home that didn t have sugary cereals at all.
1
SPEAKER_01
So I d go to other people s homes or shopping with my mom at the store and see Lucky Charms and be like, oh, mom.
1
SPEAKER_01
And she s like, no, no, no, just Cheerios.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I m the second of six kids.
1
SPEAKER_01
Because of that, somewhere along the line, my mom just gave up.
1
SPEAKER_01
I think like most parents are like, look, we care a lot with the first couple of kids.
1
SPEAKER_01
The few other kids, like, just get the cereal, have them be quiet.
1
SPEAKER_01
And every time that happened, I d be like, oh, great.
1
SPEAKER_01
There s Fruity Pebbles today.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I was very excited about that.
1
SPEAKER_01
When I was a teenager with six kids in the house, I just would start buying my own cereal so I could have it hidden in my closet.
1
SPEAKER_01
That way, I knew I could have my Captain Crunch that morning without having to worry about if my brothers or sisters ate it all.
1
SPEAKER_02
Back then, Thomas was eating cereal for breakfast.
1
SPEAKER_02
But one thing I ve noticed in America is that it can be normal to eat cereal at any time of the day.
1
SPEAKER_02
It s kind of encouraged.
1
SPEAKER_02
I flicked through some more commercials and find this one from Kellogg s last year.
1
SPEAKER_02
It has over 74 million views, and it seems to be telling kids to eat cereal for dinner.
1
SPEAKER_00
When I say cereal, you say dinner.
1
SPEAKER_00
Cereal!
1
SPEAKER_00
Dinner!
1
SPEAKER_02
Cereal!
1
SPEAKER_02
Dinner!
1
SPEAKER_02
For you, was cereal always a morning thing, or did you find yourself creeping into having it at different times of the day?
1
SPEAKER_02
A little afternoon treat, or a little dessert, or is it always the morning?
1
SPEAKER_01
Nowadays, I almost exclusively eat cereal past 10 p.m.
1
SPEAKER_01
I think it s probably best past 10 p.m.
1
SPEAKER_01
actually.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s like ice cream, you know, not frozen and kind of discombobulated.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s delicious.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I think there s no better time to eat cereal than in the evening now.
1
SPEAKER_02
Do you have any theories on why in America cereal is such a big aisle in your local grocery store?
1
SPEAKER_02
Why are there so many varieties?
1
SPEAKER_02
Why is it such a big thing here in the U.S. ?
1
SPEAKER_01
Besides it tasting amazing and delicious, it s one of those things that is always there ready and it doesn t need to be taken care of.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s non-perishable.
1
SPEAKER_01
So it sits in your cabinet for such a long time.
1
SPEAKER_01
And for my mom, not having to make breakfast for all of us kids and just having cereal, that s the easy button.
1
SPEAKER_01
So moms like it because the easy button, kids like it because it s sweet like candy, but it s not candy.
1
SPEAKER_01
Except that, I mean, it is.
1
SPEAKER_01
For all intents and purposes, it really is.
1
SPEAKER_01
And the more I get into it, the more it s like, oh, there s just so much money there.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s why that aisle gets bigger every year.
1
SPEAKER_01
And that s why Cinnamon Toast Crunch is going to come out with six new flavors over the next year, just to try and see if they can get more dollars.
1
SPEAKER_02
I guess cereal is big for the same reasons McDonald s is big.
1
SPEAKER_02
It makes the likes of Kellogg s millions of dollars because the products are tasty, ready to eat immediately, and they re not expensive.
1
SPEAKER_01
And it s cheap.
1
SPEAKER_01
In the grand scheme of things, one box of cereal today is around $5.
1
SPEAKER_01
And that for 10 servings, that s amazing, right?
1
SPEAKER_01
So from an economic perspective, cereal s great.
1
SPEAKER_01
The one small issue?
1
SPEAKER_02
The health benefits.
1
SPEAKER_02
Cereal is one of the most processed, sugar-rich products you could consume.
1
SPEAKER_02
I mean, I love cereal, and I really love sugar.
1
SPEAKER_02
But in America, it s too sweet for me.
1
SPEAKER_02
Remember, I come from the land of Weet-Bix, the bland, cardboard-tasting nightmare cereal.
1
SPEAKER_02
In America, cereal is the opposite of Weet-Bix.
1
SPEAKER_02
And as Seinfeld once said, what s up with that?
1
SPEAKER_00
I eat a lot of cold cereal.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s one of my favorite breakfasts, I really do.
1
SPEAKER_00
But the kids  cereals now... Gotta have fiber now, gotta have fiber, that s the main thing.
1
SPEAKER_00
But the sugar ones, they have this one cookie crisp.
2
SPEAKER_00
Have you seen this one?
2
SPEAKER_00
There is so much sugar in this that the manufacturer says, well, let s just make it into cookies.
2
SPEAKER_00
Why not?
2
SPEAKER_00
So this is your breakfast, a bowl of chocolate chip cookies?
2
SPEAKER_00
Why don t they just call this product the hell with everything?
2
SPEAKER_00
Ice cream for lunch, cake for dinner, bacon and cigarettes in between.
2
SPEAKER_00
The cookie crisp total health plan.
2
SPEAKER_00
That would be it.
2
SPEAKER_02
It feels incredibly hard to find a cereal in the United States that has any nutritional benefits, really.
2
SPEAKER_02
What s your take on that?
2
SPEAKER_02
Because I m still looking for a granola here in America that doesn t make me feel overwhelmed with sugar.
2
SPEAKER_01
First off, if you re looking for a specific cereal, one of my favorites recently is a $13 box of cereal I find only at Costco.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s called Morning Summit.
2
SPEAKER_01
The first ingredient is almonds.
2
SPEAKER_01
So it s very hearty cornflakes with dried cranberries and cherries.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s so filling without being overwhelming.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s just lightly sweetened with maple syrup.
2
SPEAKER_01
So if you re just looking for something, I recommend check out Morning Summit.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s good.
2
SPEAKER_01
I avoided it for so long because a $13 box of cereal is quite hefty.
2
SPEAKER_01
But in regards to just healthy cereal in general, I think it s like people going to McDonald s wanting the healthy option.
2
SPEAKER_01
No one goes to McDonald s because they want a lettuce-wrapped burger.
2
SPEAKER_01
They want the McDonald s burger.
2
SPEAKER_01
And we don t want to buy Froot Loops and have it taste, I don t know, like a healthy thing.
2
SPEAKER_01
When I got into this industry, cereal was really hardcore leaning on no artificial flavors or colors.
2
SPEAKER_01
And they were trying to get more health conscious because sales were declining.
2
SPEAKER_01
But that was, again, missing the mark.
2
SPEAKER_01
People say we want healthier foods, but that s not necessarily how we behave when it comes to our purchasing habits.
2
SPEAKER_01
People say they want something healthy, but at the end of the day, if they want something healthy, it s not actually cereal.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s something totally different from that.
2
SPEAKER_01
If I want to eat healthy,
2
SPEAKER_01
I m just going to avoid cereal altogether.
2
SPEAKER_02
It feels like in the old days, people used to pretend cereal was a healthy start to the day.
2
SPEAKER_02
Athletes would advertise it, hinting that eating a certain cereal would turn you into a long-distance runner or maybe a gold medal winner.
2
SPEAKER_02
There s a bit of that that still goes on, but largely in America, from what I can see, they ve just given up on that.
2
SPEAKER_02
We all know cereal is terrible for you, but we eat it anyway.
2
SPEAKER_02
And it s come a long way since it was invented.
2
SPEAKER_02
I discovered the first breakfast cereal that wasn t porridge was invented in the US in 1863.
2
SPEAKER_02
And it didn t start as the sexy, sugary snack seen in America today.
2
SPEAKER_02
Quite the opposite.
2
SPEAKER_02
When John Harvey Kellogg invented the humble cornflake in the 1890s, he wasn t trying to create a tasty breakfast.
2
SPEAKER_02
He was trying to make something so bland it would stop people masturbating or having sex.
2
SPEAKER_02
Kellogg was a Seventh Day Adventist, and he hated the idea of people having orgasms.
2
SPEAKER_02
I ve noticed America has a really strange relationship with sex, always trying to invent new ways to stop people ejaculating.
2
SPEAKER_02
Back in the circumcision episode of Flightless Bird, I learned that it became mainstream to chop off foreskins because doctors thought it would stop young, horny teens masturbating.
2
SPEAKER_02
I guess when it comes to American history, circumcision and cereal have something in common.
2
SPEAKER_02
I ll never look at a bowl of Froot Loops in the same way again.
2
SPEAKER_02
Now all I can see is a bowl of lonely foreskins bobbing away in the milk.
2
SPEAKER_03
Oh my god.
2
SPEAKER_02
How do you like that image Monica?
2
SPEAKER_02
It s crazy though.
2
SPEAKER_02
No, honestly, that s not bullshit.
2
SPEAKER_02
The cornflake, the whole impetus behind it was to just stop teens being horny.
2
SPEAKER_03
Why again?
2
SPEAKER_02
Look, it s like the logic of like the whole circumcision thing.
2
SPEAKER_02
It s basically to make them so bland, make this thing so bland, you feed it to the kids and their sex drive will literally decrease and they ll stop masturbating, which apparently back then they thought came with a host of terrible health benefits.
2
SPEAKER_03
Okay, but so there s no science behind this at all.
2
SPEAKER_03
They just thought they ll be so annoyed after eating this bowl of nothing.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, bored, but also their libido will just literally drop because it s got nothing in there that would increase it.
2
SPEAKER_02
It s like the opposite of an oyster, have a cornflake.
2
SPEAKER_02
That s so stupid.
2
SPEAKER_02
That doesn t make any sense.
2
SPEAKER_03
That is so stupid.
2
SPEAKER_02
Okay, are you sure?
2
SPEAKER_02
It s crazy.
2
SPEAKER_02
No, no, it s a batshit fact about Kellogg s, but that was the entire intent behind cereal when it was birthed.
2
SPEAKER_02
Like the first cereal, technically porridge.
2
SPEAKER_02
That s crazy.
2
SPEAKER_02
And yeah, and it just, it reminded me of that whole circumcision that we did where doctors originally were sort of pushed into it because they were sort of all sort of Puritans and thought that this will stop kids masturbating.
2
SPEAKER_02
It s kind of wild.
2
SPEAKER_03
It s so bizarre.
2
SPEAKER_03
I just have to bring it up because you brought up McDonald s a few times that I had In-N-Out for lunch.
2
Oh, wow.
2
SPEAKER_02
It s such a nice day.
2
SPEAKER_02
How was that?
2
SPEAKER_03
I know, it s so random.
2
SPEAKER_03
I haven t had it.
2
SPEAKER_02
It s a great burger.
2
SPEAKER_03
It is.
2
SPEAKER_02
What did you get?
2
SPEAKER_02
Double, double?
2
SPEAKER_03
Well, no, the reason I brought it up is because I did get a lettuce wrap.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh, they do a lettuce wrap there.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_03
It s called protein style.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_02
Protein style.
2
SPEAKER_03
The reason I did it is because I get fries animal style, which at In-N-Out is fries with this ketchup-y thousand island-ish sauce on it, mixed with caramelized onion and cheese.
2
SPEAKER_03
It s so good.
2
SPEAKER_02
I ve never had that.
2
SPEAKER_02
It s ridiculous.
2
SPEAKER_02
I haven t.
2
SPEAKER_02
Obviously I need to.
2
SPEAKER_03
You must, it s so good.
2
SPEAKER_03
It s a game changer.
2
SPEAKER_03
That s animal style.
2
SPEAKER_03
So I like everything animal style.
2
SPEAKER_03
I like the burger animal style.
2
SPEAKER_03
I like the fries animal style.
2
SPEAKER_03
But if I get the fries animal style, I always eat that first.
2
SPEAKER_03
And then I only want two bites of the burger because I m full.
2
SPEAKER_03
So I decided to go with the lettuce wrap because I could eat more of the burger because I wouldn t be as full.
2
SPEAKER_02
Does that make sense?
2
SPEAKER_02
That completely makes sense.
2
SPEAKER_02
That does make sense.
2
SPEAKER_02
It s a bit weird, but I m into it.
2
SPEAKER_02
I m into that logic.
2
SPEAKER_02
I went to see The Killer, which is David Fincher s new film.
2
SPEAKER_03
Oh, I don t even know about it.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, it s dropping on Netflix.
2
SPEAKER_02
I think it ll be out by the time this episode s out.
2
SPEAKER_02
Is it scary?
2
SPEAKER_02
It s not scary.
2
SPEAKER_02
It s about a trained hitman, a killer, but kind of told in a procedural way.
2
SPEAKER_02
So it s very methodical about what it s like to be a hitman.
2
SPEAKER_02
Stars Michael Fassbender.
2
SPEAKER_02
I really, really liked it.
2
SPEAKER_02
But it s the first time I ve seen such intense product placement for McDonald s in a film in a long time.
2
SPEAKER_02
And there s a scene where Fassbender, because he s keeping very buff, because he s got to be fit to do his killing and everything, there s a scene where he goes and gets McDonald s a Happy Meal or like a combo or whatever, walks out with his little McDonald s bag, sits down on the bench and he takes the bun out and just eats like the cheese and the burger.
2
SPEAKER_02
And so that s kind of like your healthy approach.
2
SPEAKER_02
But it was just sort of wild seeing, I don t know, McDonald s in a movie.
2
SPEAKER_02
You don t often see big brands like that in a movie.
2
SPEAKER_03
It s true, except in Pulp Fiction.
2
SPEAKER_02
It s in Pulp Fiction.
2
SPEAKER_02
It s really good.
2
SPEAKER_02
Two really good movies.
2
SPEAKER_02
Two very different movies, but I think you ll like.
2
SPEAKER_03
Okay, I ll watch that.
2
SPEAKER_03
Anyway, sorry, back to cereal.
2
SPEAKER_03
I just had to talk about In-N-Out.
2
SPEAKER_02
But I think burgers and cereal have a lot in common, because I really like what he said, the idea that you re kidding yourself if you go and get a burger for health, and you re kidding yourself if you re getting a healthy cereal.
2
SPEAKER_03
I know.
2
SPEAKER_03
You have to know what you re doing.
2
SPEAKER_03
You have to know you re indulging.
2
SPEAKER_03
It s an indulgence.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, 100%.
2
SPEAKER_02
Anyone that eats cereal and says, oh, this is a healthy cereal, that s kind of bullshit.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_03
I never responded to how much milk I m just realizing.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh, yes.
2
SPEAKER_03
I don t like so much milk where it s just swimming.
2
SPEAKER_02
Drowning.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, where it s drowning.
2
SPEAKER_03
But I like enough that there s milk at the end.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, so every spoonful will have a little bit of.
2
SPEAKER_03
It has milk in it, sugary milk.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_02
Well, that s the other thing about it, right?
2
SPEAKER_02
Because essentially you re creating a little milkshake.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_03
Do you drink it after?
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh, I sip it up.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_02
No, I m one of those.
2
SPEAKER_02
I ll hold the bowl up.
2
SPEAKER_02
I mean, at that cafe with the milk in it, I would have happily held the bowl up and sipped it out.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_02
The joy of cereal is that.
2
SPEAKER_03
Have you had the Momofuku Milk Bar Cereal Milk Ice Cream?
2
SPEAKER_02
No.
2
SPEAKER_02
So it s like a cereal-y ice cream?
2
SPEAKER_03
The ice cream is from cereal milk.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh my God.
2
SPEAKER_03
It s so good.
2
SPEAKER_02
That s great.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, it s delicious.
2
SPEAKER_02
I m absolutely going to try that.
2
SPEAKER_03
Highly recommend it.
2
SPEAKER_02
Just imagine the factory, a load of people just eating bowls of cereal and pouring their milk out and freezing it.
2
SPEAKER_02
Truly disgusting.
2
SPEAKER_02
All right.
2
SPEAKER_02
There s more of this documentary.
2
SPEAKER_02
I m going to play it to you.
2
SPEAKER_02
I knew American cereal was bonkers, but I wondered if Thomas the Cereal Snob also understood this fact.
2
SPEAKER_02
Do you appreciate how batshit insane America is when it comes to cereal?
2
SPEAKER_02
Because I mean you probably do but I m just telling you it s fucking crazy.
2
SPEAKER_01
I ve traveled internationally a handful of times and going to the cereal aisle has been my thing.
2
SPEAKER_01
I have to check it out and I m always blown away to see the lack of variety.
2
SPEAKER_01
Here we have seven different types of frosted flakes.
2
SPEAKER_01
In the UK they have two.
2
SPEAKER_02
Same goes in New Zealand.
2
SPEAKER_02
When I went back to New Zealand earlier this year, some friends  kids requested certain American cereals they d seen on YouTube or on TV, as they re impossible to get back home.
2
SPEAKER_02
That s how desperate New Zealand is.
2
SPEAKER_02
How should I choose my cereals?
2
SPEAKER_02
Because I can t get every one.
2
SPEAKER_02
I m going to have to make some choices.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, first off, I want to tell you, you can get every one.
2
SPEAKER_01
If that s your dream, by all means, you can.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m a living proof of that.
2
SPEAKER_02
Welcome to America.
2
SPEAKER_01
But I think get something chocolatey, something fruity, and something cinnamon-y.
2
SPEAKER_02
Americans love cinnamon, right?
2
SPEAKER_02
Americans fucking love cinnamon.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, we do.
2
SPEAKER_01
I think cinnamon toast.
3
SPEAKER_00
Crunch is probably the number one selling cereal, if I m not mistaken.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s why there s a million varieties of it.
3
SPEAKER_01
His advice of fruity, chocolatey, and cinnamony seemed sound.
3
SPEAKER_01
And so I dashed to my local supermarket, or grocery store, as you call them here.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay, I m in the cereal aisle, and it s overwhelming.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m at a Vons.
3
SPEAKER_01
Don t know what Vons stands for, but... Okay, I need something chocolatey, something fruity, and something cinnamony.
3
SPEAKER_01
Chocolatey, there s a lot.
3
SPEAKER_01
Got KitKat cereal, Reese s Puffs, Cocoa Puffs.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m gonna go, the Cocoa Puffs here I ve never seen before.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m gonna get family-sized Cocoa Puffs.
3
SPEAKER_01
Something fruity.
3
SPEAKER_01
I mean, God, I ve gotta get my first ever Froot Loops, right?
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay, Froot Loops.
3
SPEAKER_01
And something cinnamony.
3
SPEAKER_01
God, this is crazy.
3
SPEAKER_01
Cinnamon Toast Crunch, there it is.
3
SPEAKER_01
There s so many cinnamony ones.
3
SPEAKER_01
Good lord.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay, I ll just get cinnamon toast crunch.
3
SPEAKER_01
Speeding back to my apartment, I went straight into a taste test.
3
SPEAKER_01
All right, I m in my kitchen and I m going to try these three cereals.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay, first up, Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
3
SPEAKER_01
This comes with two times the vitamin D that I used to have, I suppose.
3
SPEAKER_01
12 grams sugar, 170 calories.
3
SPEAKER_01
Certainly smells like cinnamon.
3
SPEAKER_01
Mm, certainly feel those cinnamon flavors coming through.
3
SPEAKER_01
Does not taste healthy, but
3
SPEAKER_01
Mmm, delicious.
3
SPEAKER_01
Gotta say, cinnamon loves the cinnamon.
3
SPEAKER_01
Next up, we have Kellogg s Fruit Loops.
3
SPEAKER_01
Fruit spelt F-R-O-O-T.
3
SPEAKER_01
I didn t know that, I thought it was fruit with a typical spelling, but it makes sense with the whole loopy shtick.
3
SPEAKER_01
150 calories, 12 grams total sugars.
3
SPEAKER_01
So it compares a lot to the Cinnamon Toast Crunch in its healthiness, which is not very high.
3
SPEAKER_01
Now I can see the appeal for children, they really are very colourful this cereal.
3
SPEAKER_01
The cinnamon toast crunch is very, this does look brown, which is what you d expect from cinnamon.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh I can already feel the sugar coursing through my veins actually from that cinnamon toast crunch earlier.
3
SPEAKER_01
Fruity loops, a lot of colours.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay I m going to take a mouthful.
3
SPEAKER_01
Fruity, definitely getting some fruity flavors.
3
SPEAKER_01
Not fresh fruit.
3
SPEAKER_01
All right, on to the Cocoa Puffs.
3
SPEAKER_01
All right, this is a General Mills brand, which I was unfamiliar with, but apparently it s very big in America.
3
SPEAKER_01
12 gram soda sugars, 140 calories.
3
SPEAKER_01
So it s slightly, potentially healthier than the Cinnamon Toast Crunch and the Fruit Loops.
3
SPEAKER_01
Let s give it a go.
3
SPEAKER_01
So I suppose, of course, the bonus of having the Cocoa Puffs is it does turn the milk into an added sort of chocolate shake kind of a scenario.
3
SPEAKER_01
So that s a bonus, isn t it?
3
SPEAKER_01
If you re into chocolate milk.
3
SPEAKER_01
Let s try these things.
3
SPEAKER_01
Very crunchy.
3
SPEAKER_01
I love the crunchiness of the Cocoa Puff.
3
SPEAKER_01
10 out of 10.
3
SPEAKER_01
Flavor, 10 out of 10.
3
SPEAKER_01
Sorry about the sipping and chewing noises.
3
SPEAKER_01
Quite disgusting.
3
SPEAKER_01
But it tastes great.
3
SPEAKER_01
My favourite out of the three.
3
SPEAKER_01
Out of the fruity one, the cinnamon-y one and the chocolate-y one.
3
SPEAKER_01
Chocolate-y is coming out on top.
3
SPEAKER_01
I gotta be honest.
3
SPEAKER_01
Just for full disclosure, I went back for seconds of the Cocoa Puffs after I d turned off the mic.
3
SPEAKER_01
They were delicious.
3
SPEAKER_01
I d discovered my favourite American cereal so far.
3
SPEAKER_01
But what about Thomas?
3
SPEAKER_01
If you re going to be stranded on a desert island for, say, 20 years, what three cereals, assuming you have a good supply on this island of milk or whatever you put on your cereal, maybe there s a cow there you can milk every morning, what three cereals are you taking with you?
3
SPEAKER_00
One of them would have to be peanut butter chex, my first and foremost.
3
SPEAKER_00
I think it s one of the best cereals ever to exist, especially if you like peanut butter.
3
SPEAKER_00
A second would be that Morning Summit cereal I just mentioned because it s a hearty in one bowl is enough.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s rare.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then lastly, I think it s a toss up between Crunch Berries and Fruity Pebbles to have a little bit of variety there.
3
SPEAKER_00
I d say Fruity Pebbles.
3
SPEAKER_01
I haven t tried any of those.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m going to try all of them.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh my gosh.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yes, you must.
3
SPEAKER_01
There was something else I ve become curious about just with so many brands and types of cereal on the market.
3
SPEAKER_01
Is there a cereal that they ve discontinued that you re like, fuck, why did they stop that, bring it back?
3
SPEAKER_00
I m the cereal snob, there s like a million cereals they ve discontinued.
3
SPEAKER_00
So probably the most egregious one is Rice Krispie Street cereal.
3
SPEAKER_00
I started a petition back in 2019 on change.org to try and get them to bring that back.
3
SPEAKER_00
And this was before they totally discontinued it because there s a long history of cereals just keeping the brand name but changing the cereal altogether.
3
SPEAKER_00
I started that when they just changed the formula and it was awful.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then they discontinued it altogether because no one was buying the new crappier formula.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I don t know, I don t check that thing often, but it was over 25,000 signatures recently.
3
SPEAKER_01
I go and check Thomas s petition to make sure he s not lying to me.
3
SPEAKER_01
Turns out he was telling the truth.
3
SPEAKER_01
It currently sits at 26,874 signatures.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s the entire population of a large New Zealand town.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I was curious why Kellogg s wasn t listening.
3
SPEAKER_05
Ugh, this is complete bullshit.
3
SPEAKER_05
It s 10am Friday in LA, which means it s 1pm in the New York Kellogg s office.
3
SPEAKER_05
Our regular hours are Monday to Friday, 9 a.m.
3
SPEAKER_05
to 6 p.m.
3
SPEAKER_05
Eastern Time.
3
SPEAKER_01
Complete bollocks from Kellogg s.
3
SPEAKER_01
Their answer phone message went on.
3
SPEAKER_03
If this is an immediate medical emergency, we suggest you contact a health care professional.
3
SPEAKER_03
For non-urgent requests, please call back during our regular hours.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m not sure it bodes well for a food company to assume you might be calling with a healthcare emergency, but this is America, so okay.
3
SPEAKER_01
Non-deterred, I call their media line.
3
SPEAKER_01
I want to find out about those discontinued Rice Krispie Treats.
3
SPEAKER_04
I pushed one.
3
SPEAKER_04
Sorry, we cannot connect or call at the moment.
3
SPEAKER_04
Please try again later.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, for fuck s sake.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t want to get into it here, but I often find this with America and phones.
3
SPEAKER_01
You just don t get anywhere.
3
SPEAKER_01
That ll be a separate episode.
3
SPEAKER_01
Anyway, defeated, I went back to Thomas, who didn t really care because he was just moaning about other discontinued cereals.
3
SPEAKER_00
Another one that is sad is Apple Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
3
SPEAKER_00
Apple pie s one of my favorite things.
3
SPEAKER_00
It was the closest thing you could get to apple pie in a cereal bowl.
3
SPEAKER_00
I think they discontinued that in 2019, and that s one I ll miss forever.
3
SPEAKER_01
I wonder if maybe the reason they discontinue cereals is just to make way for the new ones.
3
SPEAKER_01
If they weren t canceling some cereals as new ones came out, the grocery store would be nothing but cereal.
3
SPEAKER_01
Every aisle would just be cereal.
3
SPEAKER_01
Cereal, cereal, cereal.
3
SPEAKER_00
I guess, unless you re really paying attention to the cereal industry, I think you d go down the cereal aisle and be like,
3
SPEAKER_00
there s maybe one or two new cereals here.
3
SPEAKER_00
And you do that once once every year or so.
3
SPEAKER_00
But Cinnamon Toast Crunch, I wasn t joking.
3
SPEAKER_00
I think they ll probably release in the next calendar year, six different variations on Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
3
SPEAKER_00
Frosted Flakes will do the same.
3
SPEAKER_00
Fruity Pebbles will have a couple of them.
3
SPEAKER_00
And initially, I thought I would be able to get to the end of like reviewing all the new cereals like it would just be no, I m done.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t have any more work to do.
3
SPEAKER_00
but they keep just making new things.
3
SPEAKER_01
There was one other thing I was wondering about.
3
SPEAKER_01
With all these new cereals, surely there would be some duds along the way.
3
SPEAKER_01
What s the worst misfire for a cereal that s launched that you ve come across?
3
SPEAKER_01
Just a cereal that was a bad idea.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh God.
3
SPEAKER_00
I want to say the Sour Patch Kids cereal or the Twinkies cereal or the Peanut Butter Chocolate Corn Pops.
3
SPEAKER_00
All three of those were like, well, the peanut butter one was slimy and disgusting.
3
SPEAKER_00
The Sour Patch Kids cereal is weird because it was so good as a Sour Patch Kids creation, but it was not, it wasn t a good cereal, period.
3
SPEAKER_00
Who wants a sour and sweet cereal in your milk?
3
SPEAKER_00
No one.
3
SPEAKER_00
It was a crazy idea.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m glad they did it, but I didn t like it.
3
SPEAKER_00
The last one I mentioned was a Twinkies cereal, which just looked like, I don t know, bleached turds that you are eating in your bowl.
3
SPEAKER_00
I had one final important question for Thomas about cereal.
4
SPEAKER_02
My question was short and the answer very, very long.
4
SPEAKER_02
But what else could I expect from someone who calls themselves the Cereal Snob?
4
SPEAKER_02
What is the correct milk level in a cereal bowl?
4
SPEAKER_00
This is a divisive question, and it s also a dynamic answer because I think depending on what cereal you re eating, there s different levels of milk that you should have.
4
SPEAKER_00
Well, I used to be in the sense that I pour basically as much milk as I possibly could in my cereal because I would finish the cereal, pour more cereal and continue that process until I didn t want to eat anymore.
4
SPEAKER_00
but nowadays I think it s actually so much better for me.
4
SPEAKER_00
I like, I really love the crunch of the cereal.
4
SPEAKER_00
So I pour just like the bottom third and I just scoop it from the bottom that way.
4
SPEAKER_00
And if I need more milk, I can add more milk, but you can t remove milk once it s there, not really.
4
SPEAKER_00
So I think start with less and then figure out your ratio of milk to cereal.
4
SPEAKER_00
But if you re eating, this is serious.
4
SPEAKER_00
If you re eating any crisped rice cereal, like Fruity Pebbles, Cocoa Pebbles,
4
SPEAKER_00
Rice Krispies, you should put the milk first before the cereal.
4
SPEAKER_00
That cereal is very buoyant, it floats, but it also gets soggy faster than anything in the whole world.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I think typically you should pour your cereal and then your milk.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s the process.
4
SPEAKER_00
But when it comes to crisp rice cereal, no, do it the other way around.
4
SPEAKER_00
You re going to have a better experience and the bowl will stay crunchier longer.
4
SPEAKER_00
And crunchy is what cereal is all about.
4
SPEAKER_02
I guess at the end of the day, it s up to every American to decide not only what cereal they ll consume, but at what time of the day they ll consume it and with how much milk.
4
SPEAKER_02
America, land of freedom, land of 5,000 cereals.
4
SPEAKER_01
That was such a fun, weird episode.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, Thomas is good.
4
SPEAKER_02
His YouTube channel is The Cereal Snob, and it is just him reviewing every cereal that comes out.
4
SPEAKER_02
And as you could tell, he s so engaged.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_02
And a simple answer like milk level just goes off on just a bonkers essay.
4
SPEAKER_01
He s committed.
4
SPEAKER_01
I forgot completely about Rice Krispie Treat cereal and I yelled.
4
SPEAKER_02
You yelled while you were listening to that.
4
SPEAKER_01
I fucking loved that cereal and totally forgot about it.
4
SPEAKER_02
Then it had gone.
4
SPEAKER_03
That was my favorite too.
4
SPEAKER_02
That s so mad.
4
SPEAKER_01
So good.
4
SPEAKER_02
I ll send you guys his petition, which has been sitting there for years and apparently being ignored.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s so confusing.
4
SPEAKER_01
So many people liked it.
4
SPEAKER_01
Why they would stop?
4
SPEAKER_01
Because I m sure they made a ton of money.
4
SPEAKER_03
Would you buy it weekly right now if they made it still?
4
SPEAKER_03
I wouldn t, but I loved it.
4
SPEAKER_03
Do you think you d grow out of it?
4
SPEAKER_01
The older you get, the healthier you get.
4
SPEAKER_02
You re aware that it s terrible.
4
SPEAKER_01
The less cereals you have in your pantry.
4
SPEAKER_01
But fuck, I would like to have it right now as a treat.
4
SPEAKER_02
I will keep assisting with Kelloggs because it was comical.
4
SPEAKER_02
I called when they were definitely open in just every line.
4
SPEAKER_02
went to a dead end, I ll keep trying them because it would be a great conversation to have.
4
SPEAKER_02
And I m sure they d want to have that conversation about who makes that decision.
4
SPEAKER_02
The other interesting thing is there is this market for cereal boxes as collector s items.
4
SPEAKER_02
So there s this whole secondary market if you jump on eBay where you can find this discontinued cereal, either just the box or sealed with the cereal in it.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God.
4
SPEAKER_02
That s a whole other market.
4
SPEAKER_02
So you could potentially, maybe this is like your Christmas present.
4
SPEAKER_02
I shouldn t have bought this off on there.
4
SPEAKER_02
Could have been a surprise.
4
SPEAKER_02
You know, like a 10-year-old box of your favorite old cereal.
4
SPEAKER_02
I mean, what it probably holds.
4
SPEAKER_02
I mean, is it going to be that different?
4
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
4
SPEAKER_01
Also, I m looking right now at a Wheaties box in this attic with Dax s face on it.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I m remembering that s a whole thing, having the box, the characters, the slogans.
4
SPEAKER_02
Literally, that was the next thing I wanted to raise.
4
SPEAKER_02
He talked about this at length, but it got so specific.
4
SPEAKER_02
I was like, I can t have this documentary rolling on for too long.
4
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_02
But he went into how the box is so important because there s not many foods where you sit down to eat and you plonk this box down and the box is kind of engaging.
4
SPEAKER_01
It is.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s a visual component.
4
SPEAKER_02
What s your memory?
4
SPEAKER_02
Because in New Zealand, we d have characters and puzzles and stuff.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I think we had that.
4
SPEAKER_01
Little drawings and stuff on the back.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, there s not many foods where you sit down and you pick up the box and you re like, oh, let s read this.
4
SPEAKER_01
Part of the experience, you re right.
4
SPEAKER_02
And there s toys in it.
4
SPEAKER_02
And there s toys, collectibles.
4
SPEAKER_02
Did you have toys in your New Zealand too?
4
SPEAKER_02
We had collector s cards.
4
SPEAKER_02
You collect all the rugby players.
4
SPEAKER_02
They are like very sport orientated again.
4
SPEAKER_02
Like the cereal, Wheat Bix.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, they have like deals with the sports players.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh, I wonder if Wheat Bix is similar to Wheaties.
4
SPEAKER_02
It might be.
4
SPEAKER_02
It was very wheat for it.
4
SPEAKER_02
But yeah, we collect all the cards.
4
SPEAKER_02
Now also what he said, increasingly it s modernized and he s disappointed because he says the boxers are less creative.
4
SPEAKER_02
What they do is there ll be a QR code.
4
SPEAKER_02
And so for the modern child or adult, you sit there with your box, but you bring up your phone and there s stuff like augmented reality characters, the fucking toucan can bounce up to you and eat cereal with you and all that kind of stuff.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m remembering of one of the major results of the Mandela effect is the Raisin Bran box.
4
SPEAKER_02
I haven t heard this one.
4
SPEAKER_01
Do you remember the Raisin Bran box?
4
SPEAKER_01
Does the sun have sunglasses on or not?
4
SPEAKER_02
Right, right.
4
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
And everyone says, yes, it has sunglasses on.
4
SPEAKER_02
I feel now you say that, I feel that was an icon I m seeing.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yes, with a sun with sunglasses on, but it doesn t have sunglasses, but everyone remembers it with sunglasses.
4
SPEAKER_02
Oh, that s particularly wild.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_02
That s a really good example of the Mandela effect.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_02
And there s also so many in America film tie-ins and TV tie-ins.
4
SPEAKER_02
There ll be the Jurassic Park serial or the Avengers serial.
4
SPEAKER_02
And all of that is so ingrained.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_02
Ingrained?
4
SPEAKER_02
Oh!
4
SPEAKER_01
Good job.
4
SPEAKER_01
I did a few of those while we were recording.
4
SPEAKER_02
You were firing off zingers the entire time.
4
SPEAKER_02
It was great.
4
SPEAKER_02
Maybe cereal can help you recover from your cold.
4
SPEAKER_02
Maybe if you have like a dose of healthy cereal, your body will be like, I ve got all the tools I need to rebuild myself.
4
SPEAKER_02
And you ll be back to your usual self.
4
SPEAKER_01
Maybe.
4
SPEAKER_01
I ll give it a whirl.
4
SPEAKER_02
Give it a go.
4
SPEAKER_01
I do feel a little sacrilegious because in America, I feel like real Americans love fruity pebbles.
4
SPEAKER_02
They re the thing.
4
SPEAKER_01
They are.
4
SPEAKER_01
I feel like if you re a kid who doesn t like fruity pebbles, you re stupid.
4
SPEAKER_01
But I was a kid who didn t like fruity pebbles.
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t like fruity pebbles.
4
SPEAKER_01
I never liked it.
4
SPEAKER_02
Too fruity or too sweet?
4
SPEAKER_01
Too sweet.
4
SPEAKER_01
They re not fruity.
4
SPEAKER_02
Similar to the fruity loop?
4
SPEAKER_01
It s similar that it s just sugar bomb, but it s the shape of Rice Krispie treats.
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, it s not the shape, but it s the same effect where it s just this teeny thin, nothing material that does get so soggy, just turns into a paste.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, and it s just this horrible like slushy thing in your mouth.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s not for me.
4
SPEAKER_02
I m going to try it, just out of curiosity.
4
SPEAKER_02
You have to.
4
SPEAKER_02
I mean, I really like the chocolatey one.
4
SPEAKER_02
I love the chocolate, but I ll try the Fruity Pebbles because everyone keeps bringing it up.
4
SPEAKER_01
You need Fruity Pebbles.
4
SPEAKER_01
I want you to try life.
4
SPEAKER_02
OK.
4
SPEAKER_01
And what about Cheerios?
4
SPEAKER_01
Do you have Cheerios?
4
SPEAKER_02
We don t have those in New Zealand.
4
SPEAKER_01
What?
4
SPEAKER_02
I haven t tried those either.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_02
I mean, you heard how long that taste test took for just three of them.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, you re right.
4
SPEAKER_02
It took me so long.
4
SPEAKER_02
But I m going to try.
4
SPEAKER_02
I m going to start something more because I want to get through a few more of them to experience them.
4
SPEAKER_02
Also, I do want to find some that aren t as insanely sweet.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, Cheerios, besides this morning summit, if you re going standard cereal, I would say Cheerios is the best for you.
4
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, it s sort of like Vincent will eat Cheerios.
4
SPEAKER_01
Right.
4
SPEAKER_03
Not Honey Nut, just regular Cheerios.
4
SPEAKER_01
I love Honey Nut.
4
SPEAKER_02
I think something unique has happened in this episode where I think we ve all become a bit more American because you ve remembered this American cereal you love that you ve forgotten into the tides of time.
4
SPEAKER_02
You ve remembered that.
4
SPEAKER_02
I ve tasted all these other American cereals that I ve never tasted before.
4
SPEAKER_02
Well, three of them.
4
SPEAKER_02
So I think we re all done well.
4
SPEAKER_01
I think so too.
4
SPEAKER_01
And one thing that we ve touched on in some of these previous episodes, but I think is a recurring theme is America loves nostalgia.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
We love it so much.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I have a armchair theory that it s because we re not that old of a country and we re kind of making up for it and like creating.
4
SPEAKER_02
Going so hard into these moments that aren t that in the distant past.
4
SPEAKER_01
Exactly, and cereal is such an indicator of nostalgia because it immediately transports you to childhood.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, and I guess a lot of these ads use similar themes and certainly the similar characters.
4
SPEAKER_02
And you just, the act of eating cereal takes you back to childhood.
4
SPEAKER_02
If you are bored this week, jump on YouTube and just go like 60s and 70s serial commercials because they come across like a serial killer has made them.
4
SPEAKER_02
They re all slightly deranged.
4
SPEAKER_02
There s a lot of clowns.
4
SPEAKER_02
There s a lot of characters just doing very weird things around kids.
4
SPEAKER_02
It s very unsettling.
4
SPEAKER_01
Has anyone gone as a serial killer for Halloween where you re dressed up as a cereal box?
4
SPEAKER_01
That s fun.
4
SPEAKER_02
They must have.
4
SPEAKER_02
It s really good.
4
SPEAKER_02
Oh my God.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh, this was fun and this was a good memory lane episode.
4
SPEAKER_01
Good memory lane.
4
SPEAKER_02
And we re all American, more American.
4
SPEAKER_01
I think so.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
Really good.
4
SPEAKER_01
But you have a little ways to go, more than three.
4
SPEAKER_01
You need like 10 under your belt before we can call it.
4
SPEAKER_02
Okay, well I m off to the grocery store to get some chicken.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
to get some chicken and rice.
4
SPEAKER_02
And I ll throw a few more packs of cereal in for me.
4
SPEAKER_02
The dog can be slurping up its chicken and I ll be slurping up some cereal.
4
SPEAKER_01
Let s give you five by today.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_02
Life.
5
SPEAKER_01
Life.
5
SPEAKER_01
The Fruity Pebbles.
5
SPEAKER_02
Fruity Pebbles.
5
SPEAKER_02
Rob, do you want to give one you must give?
5
SPEAKER_01
I mean, you need Cheerios.
5
SPEAKER_01
Okay, Cheerios.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_01
Is there one with like a lion or a tiger on it?
5
SPEAKER_02
There is a tiger.
5
SPEAKER_01
Oh, there s Frosted Flakes.
5
SPEAKER_02
Frosted Flakes.
5
SPEAKER_01
Frosted Flakes.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, that s the one with the tiger.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
That s what I m thinking of.
5
SPEAKER_01
Okay, I ll get those and I ll start with those.
5
SPEAKER_02
When he brought up Apple something, it reminded me of Apple Jacks.
5
SPEAKER_02
I loved Apple Jacks.
5
SPEAKER_02
It s still in existence.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, they had good commercials, I think, too.
5
SPEAKER_01
What is an Apple Jack?
5
SPEAKER_02
I don t want to tell you.
5
SPEAKER_02
I want you to try it and then tell us what you taste.
5
SPEAKER_01
Okay, I m going to say Apple Jack.
5
SPEAKER_01
I m guessing it won t be apples.
5
SPEAKER_01
No, good.
5
SPEAKER_02
Thank you for this.
5
SPEAKER_02
Okay, homework.
5
SPEAKER_02
This week was a big homework week.
5
SPEAKER_02
We had homework on Singt, this show, and Armchair.
5
SPEAKER_00
Have you had Lucky Charms?
5
SPEAKER_00
No.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh, fuck!
5
SPEAKER_00
It s marshmallows and then also little, like, charms.
5
SPEAKER_00
Jesus, really?
5
SPEAKER_02
Like Cheerios, essentially?
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, in different shapes.
5
SPEAKER_02
And marshmallows in shapes.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh, that s incredible.
5
SPEAKER_00
I would get yelled at because I d just eat the marshmallows.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, of course everyone would because the other parts sucked.
5
SPEAKER_02
That s so American, you have to get, but it s like dehydrated marshmallow that when it gets in the milk, it gets so slippery and glossy and kids are disgusting.
5
SPEAKER_01
I mean, it is wild, like how health conscious we ve become aware, like we re so aware of it, but cereal has somehow just coasted on through.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s as popular as ever.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s still like something sort of increasingly deranged and we re all into it.
5
SPEAKER_01
I mean, it s kind of like, I m sort of into it.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s like, just let loose, go crazy.
5
SPEAKER_02
I like that it s a staple.
5
SPEAKER_02
It s an American staple.
5
SPEAKER_00
I do think there s like a weird conspiracy around the Lucky Charms being like satanic and the... Oh, really?
5
SPEAKER_00
And the ones that taste bad and then the Lucky Charms are like wholesome.
5
SPEAKER_00
I remember hearing something like that.
5
SPEAKER_00
I thought it was from you.
5
SPEAKER_01
Amazing.
5
SPEAKER_01
No, I don t think I m caught with that one.
5
SPEAKER_01
It sounds great, though.
5
SPEAKER_02
Ooh.
5
SPEAKER_01
Time to bring back I m Trina Dangerous.
5
SPEAKER_02
Add that to the list because that s so American, Lucky Charms.
5
SPEAKER_02
Good pull, Rob.
5
SPEAKER_01
This is another very American thing.
5
SPEAKER_01
You want to give me five.
5
SPEAKER_01
Now I ve got about 10.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s like excess.
5
SPEAKER_01
And it is, honestly.
5
SPEAKER_01
You go to any other country and the cereal aisle, it s always big, but it s nothing like when you walk into a supermarket here.
5
SPEAKER_02
I know a lot of people want to eye roll at that, but I love it.
5
SPEAKER_01
I remember the first time I came here visiting and there was one of the things that just brought me so much joy was that aisle.
5
SPEAKER_01
I was like, America is so big.
5
SPEAKER_01
Everything is possible.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s all here.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s awful, but also really magnificent.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I really like it.
5
SPEAKER_01
I like it too.
5
SPEAKER_01
5,000 different cereals.
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SPEAKER_01
It s bonkers.
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SPEAKER_01
New ones will drop next week.
5
SPEAKER_01
All right, I m going to send you the link for that petition so you can sign it as well.
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SPEAKER_01
Maybe with you two signing it, Kellogg s will push them over the edge.
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SPEAKER_01
They ll be like, we finally got those other two.
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SPEAKER_01
We re bringing it back.
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SPEAKER_02
They could at least bring it back for a month.
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SPEAKER_02
They would bank.
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SPEAKER_02
They would make so much money if they did a limited edition of it.
5
SPEAKER_00
If someone at Kellogg s wants to send us some boxes of fresh Rice Krispies treats cereal.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah, totally.
5
SPEAKER_00
If you don t remember Kellogg s Roosting, absolutely.
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SPEAKER_01
I mean, you wouldn t pack up your bloody phone when I was calling.
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SPEAKER_01
So if you want to email, yeah, just email us.
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SPEAKER_02
We ll take it.
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SPEAKER_02
All right.
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SPEAKER_02
All right.
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SPEAKER_02
Love you guys.
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SPEAKER_02
Bye.