1
SPEAKER_00
 nervous laugh, it's like, man, my whole family just died.
1
SPEAKER_00
That's really, it's like something where it's like I'm crying emotionally, but I also laugh.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don't know if that's something I need to work on.
1
SPEAKER_01
Maybe it's because you're thinking of like the, you're thinking for everybody.
1
SPEAKER_01
I know.
1
SPEAKER_01
And how do they feel, and is this, he looks older, he's probably closer to death.
1
SPEAKER_01
It's like, you're thinking of mortality.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, you have to let all that go and understand that what we really love and value about each other is truth.
1
SPEAKER_01
Even if it's a truth we don't,
1
SPEAKER_01
 agree with, even if it's the most, the truth is where I think something's in the ether and it bonds us beyond opinion.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay, I have two questions for you about this.
1
SPEAKER_01
I love that you're always a two question guy.
1
SPEAKER_01
It's never one or three.
1
SPEAKER_01
I see what you're doing here, man.
1
SPEAKER_01
 Okay, the numerology here is fantastic.
1
SPEAKER_00
We're in L.A., we're in L.A., we've got astrology, we've got the numerology, we've got dates of our birthdays.
1
SPEAKER_01
Your parents, they both passed with an A. Here's the best part of this interview, wait a second, before I go to my parents and I know this is gonna, this is the best part, there's nothing on this page.
1
SPEAKER_01
You've got like one hieroglyphic.
1
SPEAKER_01
One word, yes.
1
SPEAKER_01
This is amazing.
1
SPEAKER_01
You keep referring and I'm like, is it visible ink?
1
SPEAKER_00
Where is this coming from?
1
SPEAKER_00
You're amazing, you're like a phenom.
1
SPEAKER_00
 Well, when you do over a thousand interviews, hopefully you start to like, be present and learn how to do it.
1
SPEAKER_01
But do you wake up and you open it up and you're like, questions for Dane, and then you just kind of fog out for a second?
1
SPEAKER_00
No, I mean, this thing is full of notes from like, everyone I've had on.
1
SPEAKER_00
You see, I have like tons of notes that I- My page is blank!
1
SPEAKER_00
 Well, I'm so present, man.
1
SPEAKER_00
I'm so present.
1
SPEAKER_00
I've gotta be more present with you, but usually people list educational stuff.
1
SPEAKER_00
This is a different type of interview.
1
SPEAKER_01
I know, I know, but I like that we're yapping.
1
SPEAKER_00
Absolutely, man.
1
SPEAKER_01
I interrupted, so I'm sorry.
1
SPEAKER_00
No, you're good.
1
SPEAKER_00
I interrupt a lot.
1
SPEAKER_00
I interrupt too much.
1
SPEAKER_00
It's one of the things I have to look in the mirror and say, hey, just listen more.
1
SPEAKER_00
Your parents, I mean, my father just passed this year.
1
SPEAKER_00
I'm sorry.
1
SPEAKER_00
All right, thank you.
1
SPEAKER_00
 And it was a 17-year journey of him passing.
1
SPEAKER_00
He had a traumatic brain injury and a car accident 17 years ago, which left him physically here, but emotionally, mentally not here.
1
SPEAKER_00
I understand.
1
SPEAKER_00
You could have a conversation, but every time I'd see him, he'd say,
1
SPEAKER_00
 Hey, didn't you play football?
1
SPEAKER_00
Where did you go to school again?
1
SPEAKER_00
It was kind of like his memory wasn't there, his personality wasn't all there.
1
SPEAKER_00
So it was extremely challenging.
1
SPEAKER_00
17 years, it was almost like he was here, but I couldn't fully grieve his emotional death.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so him passing this year in February allowed me to kind of have a, allow myself to heal and grieve fully, right?
1
SPEAKER_00
Still extremely emotional and sad.
1
SPEAKER_00
The whole thing was sad.
1
SPEAKER_00
 but allow me to have a little bit more peace and connect them in a different way that I wasn't able to spiritually, right?
1
SPEAKER_00
But both parents passing in one year, I can't even imagine what that's like, especially at the height, you know, looking for mentorship and support and parenting, all these different things that you were probably wanting.
1
SPEAKER_01
I couldn't even imagine.
1
SPEAKER_01
They were the voices of absolute truth, you know, when I would go to them.
1
SPEAKER_01
They may not have understood everything in my occupation,
1
SPEAKER_00
 But they were home and they allowed you to come back.
1
SPEAKER_01
Pure love from two different vantage points.
1
SPEAKER_01
My dad, old school, very like, you know, just a lot of kind of like that mentality of like, you know, life is wins and losses.
1
SPEAKER_01
But then there was my mom who was just so loving and compassionate and it was all about
1
SPEAKER_01
 love and beauty, and so it was a nice companionship to have with my parents up until they passed away, which was so confusing.
1
SPEAKER_00
And how old were you then?
1
SPEAKER_01
I was 20, oh boy, 29.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
 still very young in your development.
1
SPEAKER_00
I feel like the last three years is when I really learned how to become a human, right?
1
SPEAKER_01
I was just getting smart in my eyes, so really understanding more than what I thought I brought to the table.
1
SPEAKER_00
So the two questions I have are,
1
SPEAKER_00
 What were the biggest lesson your mom and dad taught you before their passing and then the biggest lesson that each one of them taught you since them passing?
1
SPEAKER_01
You know, for everything I talk about my mom and it's always from a perspective of hope.
1
SPEAKER_01
It's always from a perspective of championing somebody.
1
SPEAKER_01
 She also could be extremely blunt about people.
1
SPEAKER_01
And even though she understood that everybody's in their own experience, and it might mean that they're not quite ready to be a part of your experience.
1
SPEAKER_01
 Her language and her ability to say, people suck.
1
SPEAKER_01
People suck.
1
SPEAKER_01
People can really suck sometimes.
1
SPEAKER_01
So I know you wanna always open your heart and you wanna do A, B, and C, but at the same time, be ready to protect yourself.
1
SPEAKER_01
Be ready to, you know.
1
SPEAKER_01
Create a boundary.
1
SPEAKER_01
Totally, again, the word that I didn't really quite experience or, you know, have in place until maybe the last 12 years of my life, but just my mom's ability to have all this great, authentic,
1
SPEAKER_01
 love and hope and whimsy and yet she could straightforward tell me, it's a brutal world.
1
SPEAKER_01
So as much as all that stuff does exist, there are pockets of, and I'm not saying the exact language my mom would say, but she wasn't afraid to point to me and protect yourself.
1
SPEAKER_01
And she also knew that I had a pretty
1
SPEAKER_01
 exciting career ahead of me even early in my life and so she would say things early when I still felt very insignificant like People are gonna be very jealous of you People are gonna be coming after you because they know that you're sensitive but at the same time nobody sparkles like you and people want that and I remember talking to her once and Realizing I tell this to a lot of people when I see the sparkle in somebody I want to I want to celebrate them I want to tell you you're doing something so beautiful and unique and whatever it might be but I tell them what my mom said which is now protect that and
1
SPEAKER_00
 Protect the sparkle.
1
SPEAKER_01
Of course, because I think everybody has a time in their life when they can have it.
1
SPEAKER_01
I don't think it's something that just like some people have or just an it factor.
1
SPEAKER_01
I think when you know you're in your lane and you've put in the work and you know passion more than anybody else around you, even if they say they support you,
1
SPEAKER_01
 And then you're in your moment and oftentimes I think people snuff themselves out in that moment because either they feel so isolated and alone or they feel that there's a lot of animosity.
1
SPEAKER_01
When one person breaks away from the, you know, a mediocre group, then you're a target.
1
SPEAKER_01
 They talk you up and then the moment you're out there alone it's real easy to look and say I wish that was me.
1
SPEAKER_01
Or he's not as good as he thinks he is.
1
SPEAKER_00
I know him from when he was this way.
1
SPEAKER_01
Exactly.
1
SPEAKER_01
So she gave me all that.
1
SPEAKER_01
That was all stuff that in hindsight I could look at.
1
SPEAKER_01
 and realized, oh man, she gave me some seeds that were planted that would help me before she passed and then later after, I was like, oh, I just gotta go to what my mom told me and just find the right people around me to help bring that out of me so I can really understand it.
1
SPEAKER_00
So that was before her passing.
1
SPEAKER_00
What was the biggest lesson since she's passed that she's taught you?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I mean, I'm in love and I met a woman that I feel like it completely complements each other
1
SPEAKER_01
 in a way that was so unusual I didn't even know if it really existed.
1
SPEAKER_01
I kind of was unsure if that was just some, you know, romanced version of, but for now five years and I'm engaged, I finally have that person I feel like is a team with me.
1
SPEAKER_01
I love her, I love her family, I'm in love with her.
1
SPEAKER_01
As a man to say like, I'm really in love with you.
1
SPEAKER_01
I never said that.
1
SPEAKER_01
 I didn't say anything like that, but I say it because it's everything it it's I wouldn't be where I am without her and To love this woman in her family and to share all these common things that we want to do together But to support each other separate ideas.
1
SPEAKER_01
It's like mom.
1
SPEAKER_01
I did it.
1
SPEAKER_01
I finally met that teammate and
1
SPEAKER_01
 So that's what she gave to me.
1
SPEAKER_01
I wish you could know her.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, man.
1
SPEAKER_01
But that's beautiful.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, man.
1
SPEAKER_01
It's I feel really fortunate a little later than I thought.
1
SPEAKER_01
I'm 50.
1
SPEAKER_01
But I was dumb until I was about 38.
1
SPEAKER_01
So I think the timing is probably, you know, now I'm ready for whatever that next step.
1
SPEAKER_01
Absolutely.
1
SPEAKER_00
OK.
1
SPEAKER_00
And your your father, biggest lesson he taught you before passing and after a lesson that I didn't even know he taught me, which was
1
SPEAKER_01
 Don't go down that road of dependency to alcohol or dependency, addiction to disease.
1
SPEAKER_01
I've spent a lot of time with great friends, mentors in AA.
1
SPEAKER_01
I'll go to AA meetings just because I love it.
1
SPEAKER_01
I love the truth that's happening in that room.
1
SPEAKER_01
Even if it's sometimes caustic or, you know, the shame, there's things.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I admire that kind of
1
SPEAKER_01
 Communication.
1
SPEAKER_01
I really admire, I get goosebumps now thinking of a recent conversation that I was privy to.
1
SPEAKER_01
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
1
SPEAKER_01
I heard it in 92 or three with a friend of mine at a meeting.
1
SPEAKER_01
I locked it into my heart, and I realized pretty early that my dad had all these abilities, and yet this liquid, when it got into his body,
1
SPEAKER_01
 It brought up a lot of things that I later learned were trauma for him There was a lot of reasons that he wanted to kind of stifle and numbing the pain Yeah, and I didn't want to numb it and I had a lot of pain I could I could have I felt like I was so Broken as a kid and like I said self-loathing and you name it like I had every kind of like bad onus I could put on myself
1
SPEAKER_01
 I thought that liquid, when I saw my dad doing it, I thought, man, what if that stuff just accentuates all of that, and I can never find happiness?
1
SPEAKER_01
So that was a gift that he didn't even realize he gave to me, which was, don't do this.
1
SPEAKER_00
But you, it's funny, as kids, we either kind of mirror our parents and follow in their footsteps, or we see what we don't like, and we say, I'm never gonna do this thing.
1
SPEAKER_01
My mom would say to me, after rough nights with my dad, where things could get pretty, you know, sometimes violent or sometimes just,
1
SPEAKER_01
 You know, as I look at it, look back, it's like we lived on a tilt and I didn't know that my life was on a skew for years.
1
SPEAKER_01
I just got used to living unbalanced because of alcoholism.
1
SPEAKER_01
It wasn't until I had my own home and I learned what that is to finally be on a solid ground.
1
SPEAKER_01
We learned how to constantly be at that, like in a pivot state.
1
SPEAKER_01
It's exhausting though.
1
SPEAKER_01
 Oh, totally, totally.
1
SPEAKER_01
My mom would actually sleep, I'd sometimes go into her bedroom, my dad would be somewhere at a bar or whatever, and she'd have one foot on the floor outside of the comforter.
1
SPEAKER_01
And one time I said, why do you sleep like that?
1
SPEAKER_01
She said, I sleep with one foot ready, because when your dad gets home, I need to get up quick and figure out what version of him just came home.
1
SPEAKER_01
Really?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
 She's sleeping on the bed sleep in the bed with one foot already out Because she wanted to be able to throw that blanket off and get to the door so he wouldn't come in and like maybe I don't know he's disruptive or You know something that you know He doesn't know where the bathroom is and he's in our room or like something that's just like gross or you know unprecedented moment of like um
1
SPEAKER_01
 frustration.
1
SPEAKER_01
He could bring a lot of different things.
1
SPEAKER_01
And by the way, he could also be the most unbelievably kind, beautiful, believing, passionate person.
1
SPEAKER_01
But this other side from his own misery.
1
SPEAKER_01
So, you know, that was like, you know, my mom saying, be the best, be the best of your father should say be the best parts of him.
1
SPEAKER_01
But don't be that part.
1
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
1
SPEAKER_00
 What do you feel like was the, I mean, I've done a lot of healing work on my own kind of childhood traumas.
1
SPEAKER_00
And over the last couple years, I'll show you my phone.
1
SPEAKER_00
I started a practice where I have a photo of myself on my phone from when I was younger.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I had an even younger version of myself on there.
1
SPEAKER_00
I was sexually abused when I was a kid by a man that I didn't know.
1
SPEAKER_00
And for 25 years, I never told anyone.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I've opened up about it publicly on my show many times.
1
SPEAKER_00
But for 25 years, it was this,
1
SPEAKER_00
 Underlying unspoken shame guilt insecurity trauma that and can in in confusion so much What's wrong with me?
1
SPEAKER_00
And am I the only one and right?
1
SPEAKER_00
How do I talk about this?
1
SPEAKER_00
And if anyone knows this would anyone actually love me?
1
SPEAKER_01
That was the fear, right?
1
SPEAKER_01
Right.
1
SPEAKER_01
What was the biggest who could hurt me as well?
1
SPEAKER_01
We would use this against exactly know that I understand that what was the biggest issue?
1
SPEAKER_00
 Trauma or pain or wound that you later in life had to realize and start mending and healing That gave you that piece that again I felt like I masked Certain things as an athlete and being successful in business to project totally power and strength and confidence But inside there was a hurt little boy, right?
1
SPEAKER_00
 And it wasn't until I started the healing journey where I started to look myself in the eyes in the mirror and love myself and accept myself and heal that journey and forgive and all those things.
1
SPEAKER_00
What was that main wound or trauma that you have been able to heal over the years that have allowed you to have more acceptance and peace of yourself?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I remember just one feeling that was so enormous in the house was humiliation.
1
SPEAKER_01
 There was a lot of humiliation.
1
SPEAKER_01
Towards you?
1
SPEAKER_01
Just, I felt it towards me, but I also felt like there was a feeling just even in the neighborhood.
1
SPEAKER_01
The police are at the cookhouse again, and we were really, my mom, similar to me, like, what do people think of us?
1
SPEAKER_01
Her own kind of anxiety about her own kind of like image.
1
SPEAKER_01
She had a lot of insecurity and low self-worth, and so it was almost like,
1
SPEAKER_01
 this moment would be chaotic in the house and scary and then oh the neighbors hear us yelling or the neighbors know the police are there now everybody's in your business and I just remember that feeling like that was like the malaise or like
1
SPEAKER_01
 almost like we were used to the alcoholism.
1
SPEAKER_01
We knew the bounce back, and we'll be okay, and have some Chinese food a couple days later, and oh, elephant in the room, and thank God, but the humiliation that always came with it.
1
SPEAKER_01
In the neighborhood, the community, the school, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, exactly, who knows in the community, and then how I didn't realize that what my father had allowed through those episodes, how much it would kind of like haunt me, and then even,
1
SPEAKER_01
 later in my own humiliating moment in life through things that happened to my brother and things that just even in my career, things that were out of my control, how I immediately went into that same feeling of like people outside think a certain thing of me and I have no way of sharing I'm not those things.
1
SPEAKER_01
 You know, what other people think of me as none of my business is a beautiful quote, but it doesn't always work because you're in shambles sometimes when something gets outside of your, you know, the safe haven that you've protected yourself with.
1
SPEAKER_01
So humiliation was a major factor in like probably how I perpetuated certain things or didn't perpetuate certain things.
1
SPEAKER_00
And when did you start to address that, you know, either with your partner or therapist and start the healing journey of that?
1
SPEAKER_01
 Yeah, probably in therapy.
1
SPEAKER_01
I got into therapy.
1
SPEAKER_01
I got a therapist that was great with the grieving stuff that I needed to learn.
1
SPEAKER_01
From parents and other things.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I didn't know how to grieve.
1
SPEAKER_01
The funny guy.
1
SPEAKER_01
Let's just go back to humor.
1
SPEAKER_00
Funny guy.
1
SPEAKER_01
The night my dad had passed away, I had been in Vancouver.
1
SPEAKER_01
I was making a film.
1
SPEAKER_01
I flew back to see my...
1
SPEAKER_01
 dad who was like, you know, hours away from passing away.
1
SPEAKER_01
And one thing about my dad is he loved business.
1
SPEAKER_01
He loved, loved talking about business.
1
SPEAKER_00
Strategy.
1
SPEAKER_01
He was so proud of me when I started really teaching him, this is how I built my business.
1
SPEAKER_01
He understood, it's not just, this is how I'm, I know data, I know regions, I know who lives, I'm popular, I build it out, I do radio tours here, so, and like he loved that information.
1
SPEAKER_01
So when I said to him,
1
SPEAKER_01
 He's on his deathbed and I said, Dad, I have a contractual obligation one day that I couldn't get out of.
1
SPEAKER_01
They let me come back to be here now.
1
SPEAKER_01
I gotta go and then I have to come back.
1
SPEAKER_01
 And in that time that I left, he had finally passed away.
1
SPEAKER_01
But I knew, I really understood.
1
SPEAKER_01
But you had a, you get to see him, you got to speak with him.
1
SPEAKER_01
Man, like, you know, we won't go there today, but it was beautiful.
1
SPEAKER_01
It was a beautiful, forgiving,
1
SPEAKER_01
 Manly, but still boys, the boy in him and the boy in me almost felt like met.
1
SPEAKER_01
He'd had a stroke a few months before.
1
SPEAKER_01
He couldn't communicate in those last weeks.
1
SPEAKER_01
He could only say one word.
1
SPEAKER_01
There's a certain stroke that's, forgive me, it's almost like a certain impact that you get where you say one word.
1
SPEAKER_01
He couldn't communicate except to say like, school, school, school, school, school, school.
1
SPEAKER_01
 And yet we had the most beautiful conversations, even though we couldn't say everything exactly with the right vernacular, we could communicate in a way that I'd always hoped to have with my father.
1
SPEAKER_01
So when I left, that night I get to LA and my sister Courtney is like, you know, dad, dad, you know, he's passed away.
1
SPEAKER_01
 I went on stage two hours later.
1
SPEAKER_01
I didn't know what else to do.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I wasn't in the process of grieving.
1
SPEAKER_01
All I knew was...
1
SPEAKER_01
 he raised me to win, I'll go win tonight.
1
SPEAKER_01
I'm gonna go on stage.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I told the crowd, at the midway point of the show, I said, my dad just died.
1
SPEAKER_01
And of course, one guy was like, there's always one weird laugh.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then I'm like, you're laughing, but I know.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then I talked about my dad, and I told some stories that I knew the crowd, kind of knew from past, it was funny, and it was me, kind of like an homage to my father.
1
SPEAKER_01
 That was also a night that I went home and I was like as much as that felt good to do I'm like I think there's another way I need to…my mom had already passed and then now here's my dad and I'm like I don't really know how to be sad.
1
SPEAKER_01
I don't really know how to really let that come through me in a real meaningful healthy way.
1
SPEAKER_00
I had to learn that.
1
SPEAKER_00
 Was there a time when you finally allowed yourself to open up and crack open emotionally and grieve?
1
SPEAKER_00
And not turn to humor as the comfort blanket?
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, grief turns to celebration.
1
SPEAKER_01
I find that when you round that corner and you can finally realize that like, yeah, there may be, not everybody has a, certainly nobody has a quintessential upbringing.
1
SPEAKER_01
You kind of finally have to realize there's certain things that are,
1
SPEAKER_01
 Things that you may be perpetuating, you need to find even maybe forgiveness or closure yourself.
1
SPEAKER_01
Admit things to yourself that maybe you could have done differently or wanted to do.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then acknowledging the love.
1
SPEAKER_01
They brought me into this world.
1
SPEAKER_01
These are the gifts they gave me.
1
SPEAKER_01
These are the things that they acknowledged.
1
SPEAKER_01
These are the things that I got to show my parents.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then sitting in with a therapist and not only going through what all of that meant to really let it all go in a positive way,
1
SPEAKER_01
 Like in one real, you know, I'm the most in touch I'm ever gonna be with myself emotionally right at this moment and hopefully for years to come.
1
SPEAKER_01
But then from that being like, all right, that felt good.
1
SPEAKER_01
Now, what else can I be doing to try to relegate outsiders to stay outside and start building up like my own fortress of solitude with true genuine love for the people who love me
1
SPEAKER_01
 just for me and not for any other reason.
1
SPEAKER_01
I'm gonna quit comedy, I don't wanna start over, I don't wanna do that.
1
SPEAKER_01
Who really is there for you?
1
SPEAKER_01
And it's five words that are now in my life and in even my routine.
1
SPEAKER_01
And above it all, you'll hear me say this, because I love to put a lot of my truth even in comedy.
1
SPEAKER_01
Mindful, thoughtful, compassionate, collaborative, caring.
1
SPEAKER_01
If people around you don't check those boxes, go.
1
SPEAKER_01
Mindful, thoughtful, compassionate, collaborative, caring.
1
SPEAKER_00
 Collaborative I think a lot of people in business want to be competitive and it sounds like that was kind of like the the scene growing up for you and comedy where it was not as like hey, I want to see you succeed and you succeed and let's let's collaborate together was more like There's not enough fans for everyone, you know type of mentality and it was like it was like the fatalities in Mortal Kombat You're just waiting
1
SPEAKER_01
 Somebody wanted to come, you know and grab that spot and you don't learn till you're a little little bit older There's plenty of room for everybody on the beam here.
1
SPEAKER_01
We don't have to knock each other off But in that era, you know where I was at that young age and finding self-made success It was like it's competitive just like, you know constantly I feel like the only way it's exhausting living that life I live that life in sports and then kind of my first I don't know five six years of business and
1
SPEAKER_00
 It was more subconscious, like competitive, like I want to be the best, I want to win, I want to dominate, right?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, you're just listening to that Karate Kid thing, you're the best!
1
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
1
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But then about 10 years ago, I started realizing like, okay, I'm accomplishing, I'm making money, I'm having success externally, but internally, I wasn't feeling fulfilled.
1
SPEAKER_01
Right.
1
SPEAKER_00
 And it was right around the time I launched School of Greatness 10 years ago, I was like, I don't want this to be the Lewis Howe show, although there's nothing wrong with that.
1
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I was like, I want this to be about something bigger than me.
1
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And I wanna bring on brilliant people like yourself who've done incredible things in the world and make it about them and lift others up.
1
SPEAKER_00
And whenever we've put the spotlight on someone else in a unique and inspiring way, usually there's a reflection.
1
SPEAKER_00
 And so I think when I see comedians today who are collaborating with their friends and say, we're all gonna be on stage and maybe I'm the headliner, but I wanna bring you guys with me.
1
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It's cool to see people lifting each other up in the podcast world, the comedy world, the business world as well.
1
SPEAKER_00
 That's really cool.
1
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I'm curious, what lessons has fame taught you?
1
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Because you kind of were in the fame world, not many big comedians, really, who are globally known.
1
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Maybe there was a handful, but you got into that spotlight.
1
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 In LA, the whole scene, what did fame teach you about yourself and about life?
1
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And for people that think they want to be well-known or have a big audience or have the platform or have the following.
1
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 What should people know about fame?
1
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Were you ready for it?
1
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And how do you wish you would have been more prepared for the spotlight?
1
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This is like two hour part two.
1
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Oh man, let me boil it down to some of the, I guess, fundamentals.
1
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First thing about fame is, at first, it's a blast.
1
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 Because it just facilitates every empty pocket, void, every no that you've ever thought like, oh, they wouldn't let me be a part of that club or be on the team.
1
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I'd be on the team.
1
SPEAKER_00
I'd be on the team.
1
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I'd be on the team.
1
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I'd be on the team.
1
SPEAKER_00
I'd be on the team.
1
SPEAKER_00
I'd be on the team.
1
SPEAKER_00
I'd be on the team.
1
SPEAKER_01
I'd be on the team.
1
SPEAKER_01
I'd be on the team.
1
SPEAKER_01
I'd be on the team.
1
SPEAKER_01
I'd be on the team.
1
SPEAKER_01
I'd be on the team.
1
SPEAKER_01
I'd be on the team.
1
SPEAKER_01
I'd be on the team.
1
SPEAKER_01
I'd be on the team.
1
SPEAKER_01
I'd be on the team.
1
SPEAKER_01
I'd be on the team.
1
SPEAKER_01
I'd be on the team.
1
SPEAKER_01
I'd be on the team.
1
SPEAKER_01
I'd be on the team.
1
SPEAKER_01
I'd be on the team.
1
SPEAKER_01
I'd be on the team.
1
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I'd be on the team.
1
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I'd be on the team.
1
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I'd be on the team.
1
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I'd be on the team.
1
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I'd be
1
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 almost immediately.
1
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You get a little bit of a window of opportunity where it's like really just about like, it's very flowery, you know, it's part of like the talk up, right?
1
SPEAKER_01
And then you have to understand that the whole thing is contingent on a narrative that has nothing to do with you.
1
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And there's gonna be a version of you that's here, and then let's use the internet as like the, that's a show.
1
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 That's a show that you participate in by posting and stuff as well.
1
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But there's a narrative that takes place, sometimes several.
1
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There's a few versions of Dane Cook.
1
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 There's a few versions of, you name a person, there's hybrid versions, and depending on what kind of person you are, you follow that narrative.
1
SPEAKER_01
There's a narrative of me in People magazine that's very homegrown and likes to just, proposing on the side, and people, that's the love narrative, and people want to, everything about you, they just, it's almost overwhelming amount of what they believe your life is in that,
1
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 Then there's another version that's very salacious.
1
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There's a version of your narrative that's been pretty much hijacked, is the way I refer to it.
1
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I've had my narrative hijacked to where a story goes, somebody says something, everybody goes, we want that to be true.
1
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He's a bad guy.
1
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And then they'll talk that up to the point where it feels like a real person.
1
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It just takes one person to say it too.
1
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That's the thing is, I sometimes feel like the internet, everybody's like, somebody just say it.
1
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 Somebody just say that one compelling based on that meme or somebody and we'll all just take it and then amplify it Amplify it and you've got to sit back and realize It's never going away It's it's always gonna be a version of a conversation.
1
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We're still gonna be one time.
1
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I heard about a thing with it And it's imperative to do two things.
1
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I'll keep it on the list of two since we don't do ones and threes the two things is to always be able to
1
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 share your narrative, share your truth even if it's not always easy to do.
1
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If you can in real time be letting people know these are the overwhelming things I deal with or the things through a great marriage that I'm in or something I'm learning from my kids, whatever you can do to truly always keep your narrative front and center, that's important.
1
SPEAKER_01
And also
1
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 The greatest thing I've learned in the last 12 years is anything that you garner, give it to somebody else who needs that support or love.
1
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That's the whole thing.
1
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That means that.
1
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 I identify myself.
1
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I joke, I'm the old bull.
1
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I got some wisdom.
1
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But truthfully, all I want to do is take any of that energy, even if it's impulsive or if it's a version of an idea that's kind of like my ragtag, I just want to find people and be able to share some form of knowledge with them.
1
SPEAKER_01
 Early fame is, I got it, it's about me, I did it, I'm here.
1
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And then you go a little further along and say, man, it feels so much better to help somebody else cultivate their dream.
1
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To be a part of what you now know as a famous person, this is a show, this is hard.
1
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And it's a lot of people that are there for the wrong reasons.
1
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 And if you can be one of the people that says, I don't need anything from you, I don't want anything from you, but I would like to share something with you.
1
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And where that is for me, where a lot of that lives is this kind of sentiment statement that I came up with a few years ago.
1
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When you're at your rock bottom, I've been to a few rock bottoms, but when you're really there, don't be so quick to try to come up for air.
1
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Really?
1
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 Don't try to like in a almost panicked way escape it.
1
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Take a beat and acknowledge what's happening around you.
1
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And evaluate.
1
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Evaluate.
1
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Understand.
1
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 the level of brokenheartedness you feel, or whatever got you to that point, really take a second to just let it all in.
1
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The same way you want to let the biggest laugh out when you're laughing, take a minute when you're at rock bottom to look around, because I promise you, I absolutely guarantee, which is not something that you would really put on anything,
1
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 you will come up with more data that leads to your success.
1
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It's all at that bottom.
1
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Everything is at that bottom.
1
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I would even go so far as to say you put yourself, you needed to see that bottom.
1
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The hurdles I talked about earlier, the obstacles, all those things I realized in life, they start to dissipate once you see that they really don't have any power.
1
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The power is I put them there to put a limit
1
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 Myself and why do I put a limit on myself?
1
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Because I'm truly scared and if I only go this far then that makes me go I'm okay because I went this far.
1
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Why don't I want to think further?
1
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Why can't I be a value to you to strangers to so?
1
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Hitting that rock-bottom moment for me and I like I said, I hit a couple that were like really like undertow moments I could learn to look around and go I'm coming up from this when I finally like take that big breath of air I'm gonna come with more data and my
2
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 personal analytics and I'm gonna use these things in a way that nobody else would think to use them which is to further myself as a better contributing member to my community Wow what okay so if you could go back to the
2
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 the version of you before really things started to take off, before you got famous and known, what would you tell yourself, though, to be ready for it?
2
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I don't know, man.
2
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I don't know.
2
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It's like I'm so complete in some ways.
2
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And by the way, not fully.
2
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I definitely still like, I like to recalibrate.
2
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And that means I took it apart.
2
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 Now, I don't even know if I know how to do this a different way or whatever.
2
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So I understand that feeling of being like back behind the eight ball in some way, shape or form.
2
SPEAKER_01
But if I could go back, I guess the one thing you kind of want to like whisper, like, you know, you come up in a hoodie, it's just something that my mom used to always try to remind me, which is be your best friend.
2
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 Be your best friend.
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To yourself.
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To you, because I was not.
2
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I actually didn't like it.
2
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My mom would say that, rubbing my back, helping me to come down from it.
2
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You have to be your own friend.
2
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And I thought it was so weird.
2
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And I didn't like it for so many years.
2
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Mom, I don't want to be, I don't.
2
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 I want friends.
2
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I want someone else to make me feel good."
2
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It took so, so long to finally realize when you can look at yourself in the mirror and really enjoy your own company, your high watermarks, which you need to celebrate, and even the rock bottom moments that you know you came back from with better data and a better version of yourself moving forward.
2
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 that's the place that you wanna be.
2
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So I would tell that to myself.
2
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Just be your own friend and breathe.
2
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How many people who have fame, again, I'm not calling out names or anything, but just in your own opinion, how many people- Let's call out names.
2
SPEAKER_01
This next segment is names.
2
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How many people do you think who have developed some type of fame truly are their own best friend and love themselves or more putting on a mask to try to protect their fears and insecurities?
2
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 I know a lot of different kinds of fame.
2
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I know people that are famous and they're very good at it and they're very good at the facade and that's their storefront window.
2
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It's for whatever their pomp and circumstance.
2
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Fame comes in so many different elements.
2
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 Some people are filling a void.
2
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Some people are truly running away from something completely.
2
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Other people want that because with more fame there's more power and that means controlling people.
2
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Every version of fame I feel like I've broken bread with at some point or another.
2
SPEAKER_01
 But I also know that I've had the experience of working alongside of people that are genuinely some of the most fascinating, inspiring, creative people.
2
SPEAKER_01
Kevin Costner is an example of, I worked with Kevin 15 years ago in a film called Mr. Brooks.
2
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He trusted me to play a dramatic role, even though I was a kid that people knew just from comedy.
2
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I was being pigeonholed pretty quick and did not want that.
2
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And he believed in me and he gave me this shot.
2
SPEAKER_01
 And I mean forget about Dances With Wolves, forget about The Untouchables, forget about like, but then I was like learning about all the charity work that he was doing and learning about like the crew and the people around him that like want so desperately to be a part of that next idea and just how he handled himself and treated his crew.
2
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 It made me go, I wanna be a better version of myself based on what this gentleman is sharing with me.
2
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And oh, by the way, very funny.
2
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Just could be quick with humor in a stressful moment.
2
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And I feel like people like him, and I've been fortunate to be surrounded with people that are really like the best version of fame.
2
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The magnifying to where it magnifies their creativity, but it magnifies their generosity.
2
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 That's what people say about money.
2
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The more money you have just magnifies who you are.
2
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It expresses who you are more to people.
2
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If you're a generous and kind person before you have money, you'll be more generous and kind.
2
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If you're narcissistic and angry and scared, you're gonna be more of those things.
2
SPEAKER_00
Probably the same thing with fame, right?
2
SPEAKER_01
A lot of that, yeah, especially like early fame.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, really, you are now part of this somewhat considered elite,
2
SPEAKER_01
 inner circle that once you're in, there's really nobody else in that circle that truly is like, here's how we do things here.
2
SPEAKER_01
It's completely discombobulated.
2
SPEAKER_01
And like I said, there's no playbook for it.
2
SPEAKER_01
And there's also no...
2
SPEAKER_01
 real way to protect yourself from some of the stabs and some of the takes.
2
SPEAKER_01
And so you have to almost go with whatever gets taken.
2
SPEAKER_01
I don't wanna delve too deep into this today, but I put my brother in prison because we're actually doing a documentary about that era of my life.
2
SPEAKER_01
 And he went to jail for stealing from me.
2
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He worked with me.
2
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He helped me pay my bills.
2
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He was taking an exorbitant amount of money.
2
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And he ended up going to prison.
2
SPEAKER_01
And the one thing I did say in the courtroom when I read an impact letter, it's called a victim impact letter, I said, the thing you forgot was,
2
SPEAKER_01
 I'm forget about how competitive I am with me.
2
SPEAKER_01
I'm not competitive with I'm really not unless we're on warzone or maybe golf, right?
2
SPEAKER_01
I'm a competitive person with me I said a thing for myself and I want to exceed that expectation and he knew that and I said you forgot that I
2
SPEAKER_01
 These things light my fire.
2
SPEAKER_01
And you lit a forest fire.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I said, but what you really forgot, and I read this in the letter, I said, you forgot that you could take anything you want from me, and maybe people will again, but you'll never take what's in here.
2
SPEAKER_01
That's the most valuable currency I have, and nobody's getting that.
2
SPEAKER_01
Unless, watch, on the way home somebody will knock me out, I'm in a van, and then somebody takes my brain.
2
SPEAKER_01
 No, but it was a powerful moment to be able to say that to him and acknowledge and pretty quickly understand I'm gonna be okay, right, you know this I'm very different from what he did to me, but I'm also It's forming who I meant to be which is a person that you want to have
2
SPEAKER_01
 on your life, in your life, because I don't want anything from anybody except for you to see value in you.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then that's the high I get is being like, yes, I knew we all saw that in you.
2
SPEAKER_01
And when you triumph, I get to sit somewhere, you know, eating my popcorn, being like, I saw the sparkle in that person.
2
SPEAKER_01
My mom would be very proud that I seek that person out and said,
2
SPEAKER_01
 I hope that you're getting a lot of people saying don't stop because you're you're good.
2
SPEAKER_00
You're good kids.
2
SPEAKER_00
That's beautiful, man How did you learn or have you forgiven?
2
SPEAKER_00
the people in your life whether it be your brother or others who have
2
SPEAKER_00
 hurt you, or taken from you, or backstabbed you, or lied to you, manipulated you?
2
SPEAKER_00
Have you been able to forgive all these people?
2
SPEAKER_01
Not all, but yeah, I definitely have.
2
SPEAKER_01
I've had a lot of hard conversations, as I call it.
2
SPEAKER_01
You gotta have hard conversations in life.
2
SPEAKER_01
Which is the first step, at least.
2
SPEAKER_01
First step.
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, sitting, almost similar to, what you wanna do is take a table, you wanna sit knee to knee with another human being, and you wanna open up, and you wanna say, can we have a hard conversation?
2
SPEAKER_01
And you allow it.
2
SPEAKER_01
 you know okay and then the best thing you can do is fall on the sword and talk about yourself first and what you think that you may have done maybe that was a disservice or what you got to acknowledge first nobody wants to hear you like a point and a you is like a quick way to to somebody needs a bathroom break and then they're driving away at 80
2
SPEAKER_01
 This isn't the thing I take responsibility for for and how I could have been the reason I want to speak to you today is because I Don't like how I feel when I think of us it hurts me to know that we've hurt each other and if you can find a way to ingratiate yourself and We not you did this.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, and by the way, maybe maybe it isn't I've had hard conversations where I
2
SPEAKER_01
 It wasn't necessarily something I did, but I still have to, you still want to be able to say like, you know, your version, your way of like, in searching my feelings when I think of you or us, it pings me in a way that like, I want to understand.
2
SPEAKER_01
And will you help me to understand?
2
SPEAKER_01
And so from having those hard conversations, it has, man, it's like, it's so much further than the simplicity of the answer, but,
2
SPEAKER_01
 It's allowed me to always acknowledge that I'm a flawed person.
2
SPEAKER_01
I can take responsibility and accountability, but I can also
2
SPEAKER_01
 sit with you and acknowledge in a healthy way that if there was a moment where I had the baton and I was in front, I'm going to celebrate an accomplishment as well.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I want people around me to know, you can celebrate your accomplishment with me.
2
SPEAKER_01
This world we've created where everything has to be somewhat like everybody's at some kind of
2
SPEAKER_01
 Maintained a decorum.
2
SPEAKER_01
I don't I don't know if you have your moment.
2
SPEAKER_01
It's like you you should be up front You should be touted.
2
SPEAKER_01
How many of them do you get in life?
2
SPEAKER_01
So I say, you know, you don't play those moments down You have hard conversations with people and you say like I want to be able to celebrate my victories with you through you but I also want you to be able to come to me and know like
2
SPEAKER_01
 I'm the real deal.
2
SPEAKER_01
I'm a straight shooter.
2
SPEAKER_01
And whether it's a big, big win or like you fell on your face, I'm gonna be the first person to be like, this is what I saw from my two cents.
2
SPEAKER_01
Those are the people you want in your life, man.
2
SPEAKER_00
 You're a deep dude, man.
2
SPEAKER_01
I try, man.
2
SPEAKER_01
I love it.
2
SPEAKER_01
I love it.
2
SPEAKER_01
We got one ticket on this ride.
2
SPEAKER_01
I love it, man.
2
SPEAKER_01
One ticket.
2
SPEAKER_01
And the energy we create, I do believe that whatever you believe after, it's like, I think we take it with us.
2
SPEAKER_01
Absolutely.
2
SPEAKER_01
So I'm just trying to entertain people.
2
SPEAKER_01
The new show is about celebrating 30 years of stand-up comedy.
2
SPEAKER_01
 to do something aesthetically beautiful, it's a beautiful special with an incredible legendary director, Marty Kulner, and to really show people, I'm standing on my porch, this is the most transparent, vulnerable version and place you could be.
2
SPEAKER_01
This is my home, you're really in my home.
2
SPEAKER_01
 But this is shit that I worked my ass off on for years.
2
SPEAKER_01
It's ready to go for public consumption, but I've mixed in something that I've always wanted to have, which I can now say is introspection.
2
SPEAKER_00
Right.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I'm going to keep asking you questions, but you've got this.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, wait.
2
SPEAKER_01
So now you got this.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, wait a second.
2
SPEAKER_01
Hold on.
2
SPEAKER_01
The notebook just had a couple of click notes.
2
SPEAKER_00
 I wanna make sure I get it right.
2
SPEAKER_00
I was seeing the bio up there before.
2
SPEAKER_00
I haven't even looked at it once, but I wanna make sure, because I wanna keep asking you some questions that I think are gonna be really powerful.
2
SPEAKER_00
But Above It All is out October 4th.
2
SPEAKER_01
It's pre-order now, but then officially through dancook.com, it's accessible to everybody, which I love.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yes, it's exciting.
2
SPEAKER_00
 Go to dancook.com, pre-order it now, or if you're listening after, go get it and watch it.
2
SPEAKER_00
Curious about forgiveness, because we touched on this for a second.
2
SPEAKER_00
Is there a moment, person, or thing that you have yet to fully forgive in your life?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, in those hard conversations, sometimes you actually have to...
2
SPEAKER_01
 come to terms that like, yeah, listen, we're not ready.
2
SPEAKER_01
It's not just like, but this is a start.
2
SPEAKER_01
So yeah, no, there's been hard conversations that we agree to disagree, but that's okay.
2
SPEAKER_01
Some of the best friendships I have are from things that I thought were depleted, but we revisited.
2
SPEAKER_01
 And then there's a new respect that gets formed sometimes of being like, man, we aired it out.
2
SPEAKER_01
We said some not so nice things.
2
SPEAKER_00
But at least we shared our truth.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, but we both have maybe our fathers have passed away.
2
SPEAKER_01
And even though we agree on next to nothing, we can both agree that we love our dads.
2
SPEAKER_01
 and we wanna be good kids for them for the rest of our life.
2
SPEAKER_01
Now, if we can't start from there and do something together.
2
SPEAKER_00
Or maybe it doesn't mean you're gonna be partners on every business moving forward or close friends, but at least you can resolve some of the past pain or hurts and say, I accept you from a distance and I wish you the best.
2
SPEAKER_01
 Yeah, it doesn't necessarily mean we're we're on a we're forging a path together, but it means oh man I I know that if we do bump into each other in some way shape or form that there is a Respect there because we both understand like a very simple human thing that we both, you know have gone through that pain together Do you feel like you've been able to figure forgive yourself fully for just everything in life?
2
SPEAKER_00
I
2
SPEAKER_01
 It's been a lot.
2
SPEAKER_01
It's been work.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, there was times in my life where I felt like You know, I lost my way definitely during like coming to you know be successful definitely lost my way and probably in my own Failures had tried to create a version of myself that like I thought pleased people and so I didn't always treat my relationships with care and I think that part of that too is just
2
SPEAKER_01
 feeling maybe that selfish moment of like the hubris of like, it's about me right now.
2
SPEAKER_01
You know what I mean?
2
SPEAKER_01
And what I realized then was, oh man, it's not necessarily just about the women that I was with.
2
SPEAKER_01
 It was the women that I was with were affiliated with alcoholism and I knew the love of alcoholism.
2
SPEAKER_01
The love of alcoholism for me from my dad was there's chaos and then there's calm and really great I'm sorry's in love.
2
SPEAKER_00
 So you repeat the cycle?
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, so the out this you weren't using alcohol But you're using and not using but you're experiencing this with women as like it was alcohol.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah Yeah, and like obviously like these relationships aren't going to be fulfilling because at the core of them there is There's a pain.
2
SPEAKER_01
There's a bit of a pain.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, there's like a there's loss involved in this and so probably where I have the most like I because of that I
2
SPEAKER_01
 Because of that, I would sometimes be like, well, if I'm with a person who's going to cause me this pain, then I don't care if I cause them pain.
2
SPEAKER_01
And so it kind of lets you off the hook to say, oh, this is kind of par for the course.
2
SPEAKER_01
We're both not being great to and for each other.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I had to realize wholeheartedly that that was
2
SPEAKER_01
 That was me creating an ability for myself to get away with more of what I wanted for me.
2
SPEAKER_01
And that was gonna be a very lonely road going further if I continue to pull those kinds of people close.
2
SPEAKER_00
 How did you learn to break that cycle?
2
SPEAKER_00
And now you're engaged, and it sounds like you have an amazing relationship, and you have this deep connection.
2
SPEAKER_01
One friend with one great line of advice.
2
SPEAKER_01
A good friend of mine, Paul, sat down with me, and he just said one time, he said, man, this relationship and this, and then I'm half in and half out of it, and I just don't like how it makes me feel, you know what I mean?
2
SPEAKER_01
It doesn't feel like that's my personal constitution, and yet I'm living this way, and he said,
2
SPEAKER_01
 He said, it's because you know the love of alcoholism.
2
SPEAKER_01
The love that you think you deserve is that.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, pfft.
2
SPEAKER_01
 like a speechless moment when I rarely get, I just sat there in my living room and I was like, I need to change this.
2
SPEAKER_01
I need to change the people that I'm surrounding myself with and the women that I'm meeting.
2
SPEAKER_01
I need to meet somebody who's very different, very healthy and something that I was maybe afraid to have, you know, which was somebody that really like was all the things that I'm being honest with you about, like call me on my
2
SPEAKER_01
 You know, let's have a, we're equal.
2
SPEAKER_01
I'm not better because of what I do.
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SPEAKER_01
Like that's all hullabaloo.
2
SPEAKER_01
That's just stuff to bolster you up.
2
SPEAKER_01
I wanted somebody who just was very human and loving, mindful, thoughtful, compassionate, collaborative, caring.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I wanted somebody who I could sit with and just feel like the value is just the love that's here.
2
SPEAKER_00
Not the fame or the success or money or what's happening.
2
SPEAKER_01
No, because by that point has come and gone so many times.
2
SPEAKER_01
 I don't know if it's an ebb or a flow.
2
SPEAKER_01
It's finicky, a career.
2
SPEAKER_01
It doesn't matter.
2
SPEAKER_01
What matters is what you put your creativity into and how you feel in the moment creating it matters so much more than the zeitgeist.
2
SPEAKER_00
Even though.
2
SPEAKER_00
Being in the culture and selling out the arenas.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah, no, no.
2
SPEAKER_01
It would be terrible to say to you, that's what I aspire to.
2
SPEAKER_01
 A single destination of our an arena or like yeah, I want to play beautiful places in the world I love that my comedy can do that.
2
SPEAKER_01
But what's more important is me going like alright, how can I?
2
SPEAKER_01
Collaborate and help some of the people around me that are like man I have I have an idea for something that I'm excited and I'm like that's where I get really the most kick and
2
SPEAKER_00
 The creative juices, the energy, the strategy.
2
SPEAKER_00
Totally, a new beginning.
2
SPEAKER_01
Out of the gate people, I love them.
2
SPEAKER_01
I wanna champion those kinds of people.
2
SPEAKER_00
So how did you, when you met your fiance, from that one conversation with, I think Paul is his name, Paul, from that moment till when did you meet your fiance?
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
And what did you have to overcome, the fears or insecurities that was really, it sounds like keeping you from true intimacy and allowing people to see you fully is what I'm hearing.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
 And you to be received by someone with all your in flaws.
2
SPEAKER_01
I was ready to be my full Complete self, you know everything that I am what I bring to the table.
2
SPEAKER_01
I was already before Kelsey
2
SPEAKER_01
 Doing that, I was doing that with every kind of relationship, an assertiveness unlike anything that I'd ever allowed myself to be before.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like probably, I'm sure in some people's eyes, like too assertive.
2
SPEAKER_01
But it's like, I don't let one bit of false, even if I said, I don't let one bit of false, I'm the first person to be like, I, you know what, the truth is I actually do.
2
SPEAKER_01
 You know, being just present, staying present.
2
SPEAKER_01
So when I met her, it was kind of strange because I used to host on a... I'd never had a Friday night off in my entire career.
2
SPEAKER_01
I'd never had a Friday or Saturday night off for 20...
2
SPEAKER_01
 Four years she never and I finally had a Friday night off That at first I was really like wow, this is just gonna what do I do?
2
SPEAKER_01
So I decided you know what?
2
SPEAKER_01
I've always wanted to do I've always wanted to have like a game night where I can invite creative people to just not do the traditional Hollywood whatever that is like something real East Coast and simple like my porch is open sit up by the fire pit and
2
SPEAKER_01
 we're gonna play Codenames or Mafia or like Running Charades and like, real easy.
2
SPEAKER_01
In fact, of the 30 or 40 people that would show up each week, there's barely anybody would drink.
2
SPEAKER_01
There wasn't any, and we all stayed in this like one little living room.
2
SPEAKER_01
We're all like living room kitchen leaners, you know what I mean?
2
SPEAKER_01
Like that's how we grew up.
2
SPEAKER_01
And so I met Kelsey when I started hosting the game night.
2
SPEAKER_01
She came with some other people, brought her one.
2
SPEAKER_01
I didn't know her, but she came with some other friends and we had people like,
2
SPEAKER_01
 It was a fascinating, it was kind of like one of the things that you would write about in like a book of Hollywood of like the amount of creative, interesting people that were out.
2
SPEAKER_01
Everybody, from every walk of life.
2
SPEAKER_01
Just people that wanted to be around a nice, easy evening.
2
SPEAKER_01
Maybe a little bit of shop talk, but like truly like.
2
SPEAKER_01
Not have to be on.
2
SPEAKER_01
We're geeks, we're Star Wars fans, we all love Game of Thrones, like it was just like,
2
SPEAKER_01
 Yeah, but some of the best of the best.
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I won't drop names, but people there were like, man, I can't believe I'm now friends with so-and-so.
2
SPEAKER_01
It opened up my world in a way.
2
SPEAKER_01
I'm like, man, this Friday night thing that I've been for years just never acknowledging I can have this night, a Friday night to myself.
2
SPEAKER_01
So anyway, I meet Kelsey, and she's there for a while.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then it was strange.
2
SPEAKER_01
One night, we were all gonna go to karaoke.
2
SPEAKER_01
Instead of the game night, a bunch of us are gonna go do karaoke.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, I'll pick up a few people.
2
SPEAKER_01
I picked up Kelsey, and I was gonna pick up two or three other people.
2
SPEAKER_01
 And halfway there, the guy that put it together was like, we can't do it, the babysitter, da, da, da.
2
SPEAKER_01
And the whole thing fell apart.
2
SPEAKER_01
So I already had Kelsey, I said, do you wanna go get something to eat?
2
SPEAKER_01
We asked the other people, they were like, oh, we're gonna skip it.
2
SPEAKER_01
And over two hours, I sat and I realized like, man, like, this is one of the most, you know,
2
SPEAKER_01
 I mean, there's a lot of ways I wanna describe it.
2
SPEAKER_01
It's special, just a very special human being.
2
SPEAKER_01
And we had a lot of similarities, even though there's a pretty good age gap, but we had so many things that we kind of both came from.
2
SPEAKER_01
I can't speak for her right now, but we just had a lot of things that were like, we didn't stop talking, and we were more and more realizing that we had maybe something stronger than a friendship, even though the jokes were flowing, because I'm like, I'm so much older.
2
SPEAKER_01
You're gonna change, and I am who I am.
2
SPEAKER_01
 I don't wanna say I poopooed all over it, but the joke was this would never ever work.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then for about six months, actually fewer than that, I was like, I really would like to meet your parents so they know I'm a good person, because I understand this.
2
SPEAKER_01
Even to this day, people wanna say stuff about our age difference.
2
SPEAKER_01
What's the gap, the age?
2
SPEAKER_01
Kelsey's 23, I'm 50.
2
SPEAKER_01
But at that point, we're dating, she's 19, and I'm 40.
2
SPEAKER_01
So understandably, we were being talked about.
2
SPEAKER_01
The narrative was,
2
SPEAKER_01
 becoming something that was not always nice, sometimes painful, not desirable.
2
SPEAKER_01
But anyway, I wanted to get to know her parents and getting to know her mom, getting to know her dad, and then realizing, I love this family.
2
SPEAKER_01
I'd never had the love of a family in a relationship like that either, where it was like, and not only that, but like,
2
SPEAKER_01
 The generosity and the genuineness and the things that I was realizing through this relationship were more important than anything career-wise we were already building on.
2
SPEAKER_01
So I said, this is going to be cheesy, man, but I said when I sat here I was going to like, I wasn't going to.
2
SPEAKER_01
 I told a friend of mine, maybe Paul, but I said, we're about a year and a half in, and I said, I don't know if this is gonna, I'm a young 50, I'm 20, I'm energetic.
2
SPEAKER_01
Love of the game lives in me all the time.
2
SPEAKER_01
I'm effervescent.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I said, if it only goes two years, I'm gonna give this woman all my love.
2
SPEAKER_01
 that I could possibly give to somebody in the most real, stark, absolute way for two reasons.
2
SPEAKER_01
So I'll always know I did that.
2
SPEAKER_01
And that for the rest of her life, maybe she'll know somebody really loved her.
2
SPEAKER_01
A man, especially in this town, the way this town operates.
2
SPEAKER_01
Then it's two years, then it's three years.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I'm like, if it goes three years, I'm just gonna give that same love.
2
SPEAKER_01
So when I know that if it ends, and I kinda was like, I guess it's gonna end.
2
SPEAKER_00
 Someday, yeah, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
But I was like, but we're never not talking and enjoying and building and creating.
2
SPEAKER_01
We talk about music and politics and art, and there's never a dull moment.
2
SPEAKER_01
So I go three years, and I'm putting this into it.
2
SPEAKER_01
And now that at five years, I'm like, this is love my life.
2
SPEAKER_01
 And I'm saying to her, are you sure you want to?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
The jokes are, sometimes they're very dark, man.
2
SPEAKER_01
Kelsey and I have a great sense of humor and the joke is, I would say, I don't wanna start a family too late.
2
SPEAKER_01
I'm gonna be saying goodbye on my deathbed.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, no, we joke and we get it.
2
SPEAKER_01
But also, when we hit that five year point, it was like, we don't want anything or anybody else.
2
SPEAKER_01
And it was very apparent by her, the things that she wanted aligned with the things that I was hoping.
2
SPEAKER_01
 And here we are.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, man, it was a gift.
2
SPEAKER_01
I feel like it's like a gift from the universe.
2
SPEAKER_01
And it was kind of funny to be with somebody too.
2
SPEAKER_01
She didn't really know about the success.
2
SPEAKER_01
She knew, she got it.
2
SPEAKER_00
She wasn't born yet.
2
SPEAKER_01
She was like, no, no, it's in my act.
2
SPEAKER_01
There's a whole routine in the act about Kelsey and I. So I hope people see that we can have fun with it as well.
2
SPEAKER_01
 That's great, man.
2
SPEAKER_01
The center point of the whole thing is it's two people that really just care so much about each other.
2
SPEAKER_01
That's beautiful, man.
2
SPEAKER_00
What's the thing you love about Kelsey the most?
2
SPEAKER_01
Just her heart.
2
SPEAKER_01
The way she communicates about how she feels about things.
2
SPEAKER_01
It's all this, man.
2
SPEAKER_01
It's all this same kind of... We talk about it.
2
SPEAKER_01
We say, we've always had just such an... Everything is so real.
2
SPEAKER_01
 you know, everything, there's no hidden agendas, there's no, the things that we both talk about that we want, it's like, there's no, it's no frills, it's the most authentic kind of relationship that you'd want with anybody, with anybody.
2
SPEAKER_01
And so it's, yeah man, it's the best thing that's happened to me.
2
SPEAKER_00
 I appreciate you opening up and taking the time because I think it's really inspiring to hear your journey and your story and I don't think everyone's heard you speak in this way consistently the way you've been opening up, so I really appreciate that.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh man, I appreciate it.
2
SPEAKER_01
This is fun, man.
2
SPEAKER_01
Great, great chat.
2
SPEAKER_00
This is fun, man.
2
SPEAKER_00
I want to ask a little bit about
2
SPEAKER_00
 Business and strategy and kind of like the business I love it, which is a whole four hour conversation 15 minutes That's what I'm saying.
2
SPEAKER_00
If we get good ratings on this thing, we might have to come back.
2
SPEAKER_00
Let's go back exactly I wear a nicer shirt or maybe if you're still doing Friday nights, maybe I'll come over there and here's some place a mafia.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, exactly I'm curious, you know, you were like early in the wave of
2
SPEAKER_00
 You were like leading the way.
2
SPEAKER_00
You're one of the giants that people are standing on the shoulders of now, right?
2
SPEAKER_00
It's like you've created something that people are trying to innovate with social media now and do their own specials.
2
SPEAKER_00
And Andrew Schultz, we're talking about this, doing their own stuff.
2
SPEAKER_00
Schultz is talking about this.
2
SPEAKER_00
All these other guys are coming up and they're just really taking that and innovating it, right?
2
SPEAKER_00
 Where do you see this going now being kind of like you were calling it what old guard or something or old dog in this world?
2
SPEAKER_00
But yeah, i'm old bull You know you but you still got you still got decades of creation.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh man innovation But where do you see it from where you've been?
2
SPEAKER_00
You know 10 15 20 years ago where the world is now with
2
SPEAKER_00
 Streamer opportunities to get specials, but now people are saying I want to be able to not censor myself and just do it on my own Right, I can make more money on my own potentially and where do you see it heading over the next three to five years?
2
SPEAKER_00
Seeing that it's almost seems like every year things are changing very much with streamers network touring specials digital YouTube tick-tock like what is
2
SPEAKER_00
 Now, what do you see is happening in the future for comedians and artists in general?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I think anybody who's, you know, in any version of, you know, self-made creativity or, you know, innovation or, you know, even invention, it all comes down to protecting yourself with paperwork.
2
SPEAKER_01
I know it's like... Really?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it's a little bit of... Super sexy.
2
SPEAKER_01
It's a little bit of like...
2
SPEAKER_01
 you know, kind of, you know, a more modeling type of answer, but the truth is I learned after so many years that if you have a great deal with somebody who truly has like a stake, you know, skin in the game, right, they want to benefit with you for whatever those reasons are, right, A, B, and C, then that's a deal worth making and taking.
2
SPEAKER_01
 But for the most part, it's just about people collecting and sometimes in a half-hearted way, sharing your content in a way that you don't want it to be received, right?
2
SPEAKER_01
Because you know as a performer, this is how the show went.
2
SPEAKER_01
And so now that I've filmed it, I want it to be shown in that same kind of light.
2
SPEAKER_01
And so I think where these things and somebody like Andrew Schultz or CK doing it through his website for some years, or I used to do things on like a,
2
SPEAKER_01
 You know sites that would provide like, you know for $3 you can you can come in PayPal watch my show I would set these like, you know fly by night, you know evenings up and all of that leads to Where above it all is now, which is I own the IP.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay, so I paid for this this special came out of my pocket I was I was fortunate to get with the greatest comedy director Marty Kulner.
2
SPEAKER_00
That's beautiful and
2
SPEAKER_01
 put up my, fronted the money and figured out a way to make this thing that not only was beautiful and I think aesthetically unique from a lot of the- A visual perspective.
2
SPEAKER_01
Cheaper things that sometimes a great comic gets with a stream or a network and then they don't want to pay anything.
2
SPEAKER_01
They'll give you a little cash for your act and then they'll put even less into the