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My name is Lee Hawkins.
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I ve been a journalist for over 25 years.
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On my new podcast, What Happened in Alabama, I get answers to some of the hardest questions about how things came to be for many black Americans and the truth that must come before any reconciliation can happen.
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I investigate my family history, my upbringing in Minnesota, and my father s painful nightmares about growing up in Alabama.
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What Happened in Alabama is a new series confronting the cycles of trauma for myself, my family, and for many Black Americans.
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Listen now.
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Hello, listeners, it s me, your friend Tig.
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I have returned, and it s great to be back.
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I have to say, so far, 2023 has been, for me personally, a really
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blank slate jumping off point in a great hopeful way than I would even say that I ve had previous years because I don t typically look at a new year as a starting over point.
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After having kids, I started using my son s birthday as a reminder to
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stay on track in life and adjust this or that or set bigger goals, but I m looking at this new year as an opportunity to add to that date in June as just an extra push for myself.
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Not an overwhelming push, but just a
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Here we go.
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We re gonna do a new year and we re gonna try some new things, do some things a little differently, and it started January 1st.
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We ll see how it goes.
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Who knows?
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I mean, I m always trying to look for the positive and start anew, but you know what I m saying.
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I m hoping good things are in the works for all of you and for those who are still waiting.
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It s coming.
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Hang in there.
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I think we re all waiting.
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Even if you have good things, we re all still waiting.
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There s a lot to look forward to, especially on this show.
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We have an incredibly exciting lineup of guests eager to give you terrible advice.
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Also, if you want to check out what I m up to, you can always go to TigNotaro.com.
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I have the latest tour dates and there s merchandise, all sorts of things.
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Go check it out and on with the show.
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Great to see you as always.
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SPEAKER_03
Great to see you.
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SPEAKER_03
Yes.
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SPEAKER_03
I haven t seen you in a while, but yet I ve seen you fairly recently.
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SPEAKER_03
You were somebody, we went out to eat.
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Yeah.
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SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
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It wasn t a special moment for you.
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You don t remember that.
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I do a lot of dinners.
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No, I do remember that, but I felt like that wasn t recently.
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So I was like, maybe there was some other sighting.
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I guess I was thinking recently compared to, because I used to see you all the time.
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And then life moves on.
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We re both busy.
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People get busy.
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And then a pandemic hit and then boom, we were out to dinner.
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And then now we re podcasting.
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This is Don t Ask Tig, I m Tig Notaro, fully accepting that when it comes to advice, I am not one of the greats.
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With me today is a comedian, actor, and writer who starred as Gina Linetti in the hit Fox comedy, Brooklyn Nine-Nine.
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She s appeared in shows including Bob s Burgers and Big Mouth and written for shows like Parks and Recreation and Saturday Night Live.
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Her one hour standup special is titled Chelsea Peretti, One of the Greats.
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Chelsea Peretti, welcome to Don t Ask Tig.
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Thank you so much, Tig.
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Great to see you, as always.
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I don t even know if this is right or wrong to bring up, but we found out that our connection was an ex of mine that you didn t even know that we dated, me and that ex.
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SPEAKER_02
I definitely think she mentioned it, but I think it came up, like, late in our friendship.
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Definitely before you and I and her had dinner, I was like, wow, there s just more layers of the onion, you know?
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I know.
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Oh, you ve always been quite the Lothario.
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I can t say I was shocked.
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How dare you?
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Now, you are an utterly ridiculous person.
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I hope so.
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That s the appeal.
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That s the fun of you.
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Is that what you re into as far as, like, even other comedians outside of yourself?
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Like, what is your style that speaks to you?
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Because, you know, you can do a particular kind of comedy, but then another type might speak to you, or some speaks to you, and you do something completely different.
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It s almost easier to say what I don t like in stand-up than what I do.
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I don t like when people aren t vulnerable at all at any point on stage, and I don t like when there s a constant harshness and seriousness.
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Maybe that s also what I don t like about stand-up is I feel like I ve got to do crowd control or something.
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it makes you be like kind of reductive about the world in a way that can be negative sometimes.
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But I do definitely love when people go out on silly tangents.
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And I think I love that.
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And I just directed a movie that I wrote and I starred in it.
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And I feel like for me, it was like very gratifying experience because I felt like I could have more layers than I ve ever felt I can have in standup.
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SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
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I also do like when people s moods affect what they re doing.
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I don t like when people just feel like they re reciting something, unlike most comedy fans.
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But no, I remember when I did, who is it that does new faces?
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Montreal, right?
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When I did that, like, so many people were doing these kind of things they would recite quickly that showed memorization, and then when they get an applause break, and I was just sitting there like, oh, my God, like, this never occurred to me to, like, do some sort of, like, feat of memorization, and then recite and chant something, and then end in a very, like, you know... Dismount.
0
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Yeah, like, I just, I never thought of it that way, and I don t really enjoy that.
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But it gets such a great reaction that, you know, I think sometimes it made me question.
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Maybe I just don t even like stand up.
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I don t know.
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Yeah, I go in and out of those moments myself.
0
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You might be catching me in one, but we ll see.
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You know, time will tell.
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Have you been like going out a lot on the road?
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I just did like a 70 city tour.
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And so I might just be feeling like I need a little bit of a break.
0
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I mean, of course, that s like being hit by a truck.
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Yeah, 70 times.
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But it s always been this weird ambivalence with it where it s like part of me loves it.
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But I guess like making this movie, I didn t feel any ambivalence.
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And I was like, well, that feels good.
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You know, I don t know, maybe the terror will come later with like people seeing it.
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And then if they don t like it, and it s you know, whatever, like, maybe I ll feel shitty then.
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When does it come out?
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Mar Vista made it.
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And then, you know, we ll figure out where it s going to go.
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SPEAKER_03
Oh, OK.
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It s a really long, drawn out process.
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And we will keep an eye out for it.
0
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What is the name of it?
0
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Well, the current name and maybe it is the name, but it s First Time Female Director.
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SPEAKER_03
Oh, I heard about this.
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Yeah.
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Anyway, I don t know.
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So we ll see what happens.
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But I mean, it is like a very long process.
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And I guess the appeal of standup is just the immediacy of like, I have an idea, and I can just go try it.
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And I do like that.
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And then what about your?
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I mean, you re active on Instagram with another version of your silliness.
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I don t even really know what I m doing on there.
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I honestly made a will the other day because I was like, well, everyone, every post I keep seeing and I do have kind of an addiction to scrolling through it, which I lately I m like, there s gotta be a better way.
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I gotta just start doing some other, you know, it s like too addictive.
0
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I mean, so much of my experience of Instagram, it s just like, this is ridiculous.
0
SPEAKER_02
Like everyone s trying to be hot all the time and everyone encourages each other.
0
SPEAKER_02
You look so hot.
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SPEAKER_02
Whoa.
0
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And it s like even comedians, which always breaks my heart, because we all want to be hot so bad.
0
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And it s just like, there s always going to be hotter people than comedians.
0
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Like, but we all just want to be hot so bad.
0
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And then on top of it, you know, it s like the influencery people who are like always trying to be hot.
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SPEAKER_02
So like, everyone s trying to be hot.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_02
The reel that I made was making fun of the reels I consume, which just feels like the most inane tips.
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SPEAKER_02
I pretend I m a stylist on there and I did one like teaching people how to style and I do makeup tutorials and stuff.
0
SPEAKER_02
Just the energy of selling people on complete schlock.
0
SPEAKER_02
Like Andy Warhol said, everyone s going to have their 15 minutes of fame and I m like, he s right.
0
SPEAKER_02
Everyone s famous now.
0
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Everyone on Instagram is like, I need to make a statement about everything.
0
SPEAKER_02
And everyone s an influencer teaching you how they achieved their look or their home or their this or their that.
0
SPEAKER_02
So I just make these dumb videos where I do bad makeup or styling, but in that really instructive, didactic tone of, I don t know if the word s been used, but I always call it non-tent.
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SPEAKER_02
I m sure that exists.
0
SPEAKER_02
It just feels like nothing.
0
SPEAKER_02
I m just literally just chugging nothing just all day long and it s like, what are we all doing?
0
SPEAKER_03
Just killing time until we die.
0
SPEAKER_02
I could do anything.
0
SPEAKER_02
I could go to a cabin in the mountains for two days and then I m just watching people tell me how to fold a pillowcase or something.
0
SPEAKER_03
God, you re depressing me.
0
SPEAKER_03
We need to go spend time in a cabin together.
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I would.
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I would do that.
0
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Maybe that s my gift rather than stand up.
0
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It s just the opposite.
0
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It s like making people feel depressed by talking to them.
0
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Well, with that, Chelsea, it s time- You re ending the podcast early?
0
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We re ending the podcast altogether because of the note that you ve left us on.
0
SPEAKER_03
No, it s time for the main event.
0
SPEAKER_03
How confident are you about advising my listeners?
0
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Well, I will say one of my best friends was like, you just are giving me the worst advice because she would be like, I m really worried about this test.
0
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I m like, you should just cheat.
0
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But just to be dumb, just giving people terrible advice.
0
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This is the show for you then.
0
SPEAKER_03
Okay, I m ready.
0
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This first question is from a listener in Baltimore.
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Okay.
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Sarah writes, Hi Tig, I ve gotten to an age where all my friends have babies now.
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Understandably, their children have become their world.
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But I really don t like baby stuff and or small children.
0
SPEAKER_03
How can I stay friends with them now?
0
SPEAKER_02
That s a tough one.
0
SPEAKER_02
You honestly need new friends, 100 percent.
0
SPEAKER_02
Those friendships have to be downsized because once people have kids, that s it.
0
SPEAKER_02
Everything changes forever.
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SPEAKER_03
Truly.
0
SPEAKER_02
I think there s really no workable way to minimize someone s child.
0
SPEAKER_02
It sucks as a parent too.
0
SPEAKER_02
I miss the hedonism of my 20s all the time.
0
SPEAKER_02
Do you really?
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_03
Oh my gosh.
0
SPEAKER_02
I miss just not having to take other people s needs into consideration at all times.
0
SPEAKER_03
Well, sure.
0
SPEAKER_03
That would be nice.
0
SPEAKER_03
But there s so much of that time period I do not miss.
0
SPEAKER_03
And I have to say, I used to be at clubs every night.
0
SPEAKER_03
I m sure you were too, waiting to get on stage, going from club to club, just trying to get a few minutes in here and there.
0
SPEAKER_03
Now, when I am not on the road or working out a new set from time to time, I want to be at home.
0
SPEAKER_02
Probably because you just did a 70-city tour.
0
SPEAKER_02
Like, you ve kind of sown your oats of, like, being on your own, probably, you know?
0
SPEAKER_02
I honestly loved my 30s the most.
0
SPEAKER_02
You re kind of honed in a little bit, but everything seems possible still.
0
SPEAKER_02
I just feel like, well, we re wrapping up.
0
SPEAKER_02
Looking at burial plots.
0
SPEAKER_02
Just finishing up here and then we ll hand the baton.
0
SPEAKER_02
So, I don t know, but really what I miss is the feeling that friendships are the most important thing.
0
SPEAKER_02
Like, there s something very fun about that.
0
SPEAKER_02
Like, you could go watch two matinees with your friends or whatever and then get dinner and then go out and then get brunch and you re fine.
0
SPEAKER_02
But, like, there s something very contained about friendships once you re older or married or have kids that you meet for a quick lunch
0
SPEAKER_02
And then you re like, okay, bye bye.
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
0
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And so this person who s asking for advice, I do think they should maintain these friendships if they are important to them, but they should seek new friends that aren t going to be wrapped up in their families in the same way.
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Yeah.
0
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And I guess Sarah will just write in another time and ask how to find new friends.
0
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But for now, that is our answer.
0
SPEAKER_03
Get out there, find yourself some new friends.
0
SPEAKER_03
You know what?
0
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I always go back to this idea, if you live in the same town you ve been in forever, go find a new path, go to a different coffee shop, go to a different bar, a different grocery store, bump into new people, start a new life in your same old town.
0
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Change your name, change your hair color.
0
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Put on a mustache, get out there, Sarah.
0
SPEAKER_02
I always feel like museums are the key to meeting new people.
0
SPEAKER_02
Like, go to a museum event.
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But maybe that s just like where I think you ll meet someone who s interesting or smart or something.
0
SPEAKER_03
Well, I get a feeling we ll hear from Sarah at some point.
0
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Let us know.
0
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And we ll get in touch with you immediately, Chelsea, and let you know.
0
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Thank you.
0
SPEAKER_03
We re going to take a quick break.
0
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Stick around.
0
SPEAKER_03
We ll get some more answers to more questions soon.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m Ben Nadafafri, host of the history show The Last Archive, and I want to tell you about a new series we re running in our feed.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s called The Deadline, six essays written and read by Jill Lepore, the New Yorker writer, American historian, and founding host of our show.
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SPEAKER_01
These are incredible essays on everything from the history of cryogenics to the Silicon Valley gospel of disruption.
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SPEAKER_01
And at the end of each essay, I interview Jill about her craft as a writer.
0
SPEAKER_01
You can listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
0
SPEAKER_03
And we are back.
0
SPEAKER_03
Chelsea, you had a music album about coffee.
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SPEAKER_03
I did.
0
SPEAKER_02
You know, it all feels like a fever dream right now because it s what I was spending my year before the pandemic doing.
0
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And I m like, what was I doing?
0
SPEAKER_02
I think my friend Kojak, who used to do the music for my podcast, he is this great music producer.
0
SPEAKER_02
He was burnt out on the music scene.
0
SPEAKER_02
I was burnt out on the comedy scene, I guess.
0
SPEAKER_02
We started making this weird comedy music album.
0
SPEAKER_02
But then it was like, wait, these songs are all annoying.
0
SPEAKER_02
They ve got to be good.
0
SPEAKER_02
I just feel like it just turned into this really weird rabbit hole, which creatively was really stimulating and fun.
0
SPEAKER_02
But now I m just like, what was I doing?
0
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I don t know.
0
SPEAKER_02
And we never finished the album because the pandemic happened and we kind of had released a couple EPs and then we never completed the album.
0
SPEAKER_03
Well, it s yet another ridiculous thing that you ve done killing time until you die.
0
SPEAKER_03
But that experience might be helpful for our next guest, actually.
0
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Rachel in Oakland writes.
0
SPEAKER_03
Oh, that s where I m from.
0
SPEAKER_03
I know.
0
SPEAKER_03
OK.
0
SPEAKER_03
I quit drinking coffee, but for months when my housemate is not around, I ve been secretly drinking small amounts of her coffee.
0
SPEAKER_03
If she s noticed and knows it was me, then I would totally want to buy her a new bag.
0
SPEAKER_03
But I don t want to come clean and tell her I crossed this boundary if she doesn t even know.
0
SPEAKER_02
What should I do?
0
SPEAKER_02
This is the weirdest thought.
0
SPEAKER_02
This is just so strange.
0
SPEAKER_02
Who?
0
SPEAKER_02
Wait, why?
0
SPEAKER_03
Wait, wait, it doesn t end.
0
SPEAKER_02
OK.
0
SPEAKER_03
I thought about buying more and secretly and slowly refilling it again.
0
SPEAKER_03
Help.
0
SPEAKER_03
The guilt is eating away at me.
0
SPEAKER_02
I m just imagining her like in her PJs carrying one coffee bean covertly while her roommate is like washing the dishes, dropping the bean in the bag.
0
SPEAKER_02
She does this every day for a month.
0
SPEAKER_03
I m truly wondering, is Rachel as ridiculous as you are?
0
SPEAKER_03
Is this a joke?
0
SPEAKER_03
I can t even imagine
0
SPEAKER_03
First of all, just to back up, you said you quit drinking coffee.
0
SPEAKER_03
For who?
0
SPEAKER_03
But for months you ve been drinking coffee.
0
SPEAKER_03
So you have not quit drinking coffee.
0
SPEAKER_02
This is like someone who lies to their therapist.
0
SPEAKER_02
It s like, this is for you, babe.
0
SPEAKER_02
Like you quit because you wanted to quit.
0
SPEAKER_02
If you don t want to quit, then don t quit.
0
SPEAKER_03
Exactly.
0
SPEAKER_02
Why are you dragging your roommate into this?
0
SPEAKER_03
And why would your roommate care?
0
SPEAKER_03
And also, I think Chelsea and I are happy to chip in and buy you a bag of coffee that you can... Ooh, that s it.
0
SPEAKER_03
It s a gift.
0
SPEAKER_03
You know what?
0
SPEAKER_03
Even if we don t send you coffee, which we probably won t.
0
SPEAKER_03
Let s be honest, you could buy yourself a bag of coffee and sneak a little bit of coffee out of there or just go back to drinking coffee, which is effectively what that is.
0
SPEAKER_03
It s just you admit that you drink coffee, you drink coffee again.
0
SPEAKER_03
And also.
0
SPEAKER_03
Who cares?
0
SPEAKER_02
How upset is your roommate going to be that you are back on the coffee?
0
SPEAKER_02
I mean, imagine how exhausting that is.
0
SPEAKER_02
Like, I don t drink and it sounds like all the machinations of like, when you re like, I m only drinking this because da-da-da-da.
0
SPEAKER_02
And it s like, wait, this sounds exhausting.
0
SPEAKER_02
Like, what if you just don t drink?
0
SPEAKER_02
Yes, I think she has an addiction to coffee.
0
SPEAKER_03
I think she needs to go back on the coffee until she s ready to not be on the coffee because this is a weird, unnecessary secret to have that nobody ultimately is going to care about.
0
SPEAKER_03
I feel like my roommate isn t even going to care that you re drinking
1
SPEAKER_03
coffee or drinking.
1
SPEAKER_02
We actually got really activated by this whole thing.
1
SPEAKER_02
We re the only ones that care.
1
SPEAKER_02
But what s at the root of it?
1
SPEAKER_02
What s at the root is someone lying to themself and dragging someone else into it.
1
SPEAKER_03
And dragging us into it.
1
SPEAKER_03
And us.
1
SPEAKER_03
You re dragging three people.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I have producers that are listening in on this.
1
SPEAKER_02
35 people involved in this weird... Lie.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, lie.
1
SPEAKER_02
It s a lie.
1
SPEAKER_02
Rachel, come on.
1
SPEAKER_02
Did your parents lie to you growing up?
1
SPEAKER_02
That would be my question.
1
SPEAKER_02
Did they hide things?
1
SPEAKER_02
Did they sneak things?
1
SPEAKER_02
I would look at the deeper themes here of why are you lying to yourself and why are you involving other people in this strange mistruth that would just be a lot easier if you just said, oh, I m drinking a little coffee.
1
SPEAKER_03
Rachel, pull it together, have some coffee, stare out of a window, hold the cup all tight in your hands, warm up your hands, smell the aroma, and just really think about what the hell is going on.
1
SPEAKER_03
Best of luck to you.
1
SPEAKER_03
Chelsea, this next question comes from an easily spooked spouse.
1
SPEAKER_03
Chloe writes, Tig, you and Stephanie have the same at-home issue as my husband and me.
1
SPEAKER_03
Constantly, unintentionally scaring each other around the house by purely existing.
1
SPEAKER_03
I wake up very early, and when he comes downstairs for breakfast, he is almost always greeted by a scream.
1
SPEAKER_03
The good news is that after the initial fright, we both devolve into laughter.
1
SPEAKER_03
Should we have a strategy to fix this, or do we simply count it as one of the funny-slash-terrifying delights of marriage?
1
SPEAKER_02
I mean, that is so funny.
1
SPEAKER_02
He s almost always greeted by a scream.
1
SPEAKER_02
She s using a passive tense to say, I scream every morning at my husband.
1
SPEAKER_03
That s what goes on in my house.
1
SPEAKER_03
Every morning, every day that I shuffle around the corner, Steph, and I m like, good morning.
1
SPEAKER_03
So he s like, Oh, God.
1
SPEAKER_04
Oh, God.
1
SPEAKER_04
And I always say, I live here.
1
SPEAKER_02
Why don t you tie some bells on your shoes?
1
SPEAKER_02
Problem solved.
1
SPEAKER_04
That would be a whole new issue in my marriage.
1
SPEAKER_02
If I was jingling around the house.
1
SPEAKER_02
Like a little dog collar around your ankle so that, you know, kind of shakes a little bit.
1
SPEAKER_02
And then she knows when you re moving about the house or if you don t want to wear something on your person, you could put little wind chimes around the house.
1
SPEAKER_02
And when you enter a room, you hit the wind chime.
1
SPEAKER_03
Or I could just start out upstairs from a distance.
1
SPEAKER_03
She ll hear,
1
SPEAKER_04
I m headed downstairs.
1
SPEAKER_04
Here I come.
1
SPEAKER_04
I m coming out our bathroom.
1
SPEAKER_04
I m making my way down the stairs.
1
SPEAKER_04
Stephanie, I m almost in the kitchen.
1
SPEAKER_02
Try that at least one morning just for the sake of it sounds fun.
1
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_03
I m going to do it.
1
SPEAKER_03
I m going to film the whole process and see what her face is like.
1
SPEAKER_03
Once I come around the corner, Max and Finn burst into hysterical laughter every time.
1
SPEAKER_03
And they now say, she lives here.
1
SPEAKER_02
Now that that deepens things.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_02
But I think like, also, have you ever thought about buying tap shoes?
1
SPEAKER_03
See, this is again, all you re going to get is nonsense from Chelsea Peretti.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, I m going to have a jingly dog collar on my neck and tap shoes.
1
SPEAKER_03
And then your kids are like, does she live here?
1
SPEAKER_03
Oh, you know, it would even be better is if I had somebody dress up like a monster.
1
SPEAKER_03
And then she ll think she hears the bells and the tap shoes and then a monster comes around the corner.
1
SPEAKER_02
Wait, no, this is what you do.
1
SPEAKER_02
So you would do the version where you re yelling where you re going all morning.
1
SPEAKER_02
You re like, I m going downstairs and this and that, but you still do hire the monster and they stand behind the door.
1
SPEAKER_02
So she s like, I know you re in there and she s walking in and then the monster s like,
1
SPEAKER_03
And then it s like, see, this is what to be scared of.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
Now get out.
1
SPEAKER_02
Get out.
1
SPEAKER_02
Both of you kick your wife and the monster out.
1
SPEAKER_02
And you re like, you ll understand this when you re older.
1
SPEAKER_02
And that s it.
1
SPEAKER_03
All right.
1
SPEAKER_03
Well, Chloe, it s scary, honestly, how good our advice was.
1
SPEAKER_03
Best of luck to you.
1
SPEAKER_03
And Chelsea, our last question.
1
SPEAKER_03
is about party etiquette.
1
SPEAKER_03
Mary Ann writes, hi Tig, when an invitation makes a point of saying no gifts, should I honor that?
1
SPEAKER_03
I ve always respected that request, but then I ll arrive somewhere and see a table of gifts.
1
SPEAKER_03
Then I feel like a real jerk.
1
SPEAKER_03
Am I the jerk or is everyone else who disregarded the host s request the jerk?
1
SPEAKER_02
Okay, first of all, it depends how rich the host is.
1
SPEAKER_02
I do think.
1
SPEAKER_02
Second of all, I feel like if you re feeling a little caught in the crosshairs, why not bring flowers?
1
SPEAKER_02
It s really thoughtful, but it s a huge expense.
1
SPEAKER_03
I think that s good.
1
SPEAKER_03
There s also, if you know a charity is important to somebody or a charity that s important to you that you can- I donated $10,000 in your name to the Dolphin Fund and they re like, that s a lot.
1
SPEAKER_03
That s a lot for President s Day tea.
1
SPEAKER_02
I mean, I think you see that in L.A.
1
SPEAKER_02
a lot because I think people are like excessively wealthy and they re kind of like, we don t need more.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I do feel like with kids, like a lot of times people get your kids stuff they already have or stuff that you don t want.
1
SPEAKER_02
Like people always give kids gifts.
1
SPEAKER_02
That s like a bag of sand or, you know, like.
1
SPEAKER_02
something with like 600 pieces and it s made of plastic.
1
SPEAKER_02
Legos.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
I mean, I like Legos, but in general, I m not into plastic, but that just makes my son love plastic toys because I m like,
1
SPEAKER_02
trying to limit them.
1
SPEAKER_03
I do think flowers, that s such a nice gift.
1
SPEAKER_03
Obviously, you don t have to give $10,000 straight to dolphins, but even if you gave 25 bucks or 10 bucks or you planted a tree in somebody s name, that kind of thing, I think is really, I love that kind of gift.
1
SPEAKER_03
I absolutely love those kinds of gifts.
1
SPEAKER_02
You love like when your agent is like, in lieu of a gift, we donated money to this.
1
SPEAKER_03
I do.
1
SPEAKER_03
I really do.
1
SPEAKER_03
I love when people give to charity, especially a big agency that has cash like, yeah, give money to something.
1
SPEAKER_03
I don t need cookies or wine or whatever it is that I can just go out and get.
1
SPEAKER_03
I mean, maybe they should be getting me nicer gifts, but I get
1
SPEAKER_02
a Ferrari every Christmas.
1
SPEAKER_02
What do they give you?
1
SPEAKER_03
Cookies, wine, nothing.
1
SPEAKER_02
You don t enjoy getting- Well, I just always feel a little like, sure, on paper, this is a good thing, but I m always a little like, what s the charity and how vetted is it?
1
SPEAKER_02
And then I also feel like it s a tax write-off.
1
SPEAKER_02
So it s like someone s going, for Christmas, I m giving myself a tax write-off.
1
SPEAKER_03
Well, I hear what you re saying, but I do feel like it still is potentially for the greater good.
1
SPEAKER_03
Even if they get a tax write-off, great.
1
SPEAKER_03
I mean, you could make the choice to get cookies or wine.
1
SPEAKER_02
No, I don t want cookies, I ll tell you that.
1
SPEAKER_02
I don t think giving people sweets is a good gift.
1
SPEAKER_03
Why?
1
SPEAKER_02
Because no one wants to eat a bunch of cookies.
1
SPEAKER_02
I do.
1
SPEAKER_02
You do?
1
SPEAKER_02
I do.
1
SPEAKER_02
You have brought up cookies like five times.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I guess I m in the mood for cookies.
1
SPEAKER_02
What s your favorite cookie?
1
SPEAKER_03
Well, I like these.
1
SPEAKER_03
I don t know the company, but it s, you know, in Hollywood, they always deliver these those really nice, big, big cookies.
1
SPEAKER_03
Some are chocolate chips.
1
SPEAKER_03
Some are like the decadent chocolate.
1
SPEAKER_02
This is shocking.
1
SPEAKER_02
So you re like you, Tig, are like someone who would like like a death by chocolate piece of cake or something.
1
SPEAKER_03
I mean, I don t eat it every day.
1
SPEAKER_03
I guess so.
1
SPEAKER_02
I would be so into that.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I m not.
1
SPEAKER_02
And then you are.
1
SPEAKER_02
It s just funny.
1
SPEAKER_02
Like, I wouldn t think you d be into that kind of thing.
1
SPEAKER_03
Why?
1
SPEAKER_03
Because I m all plant based?
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_02
It just feels so like, you know, like ladies night.
1
SPEAKER_02
Death by chocolate.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, do I dare?
1
SPEAKER_03
But see, I like having that from time to time with a little shot of an espresso.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, well, some brownie mixes say to put the espresso in the brownie mix because it heightens the chocolate flavor.
1
SPEAKER_02
Did you know that?
1
SPEAKER_03
I didn t, but what are we talking about?
1
SPEAKER_02
I literally saw you zone out.
1
SPEAKER_02
It s not like cooking, huh?
1
SPEAKER_03
Well, Marianne, there you have it.
1
SPEAKER_03
We ve settled it.
1
SPEAKER_03
Bring some flowers, donate some money, get a tax write-off, have some chocolate, have a little chocolate, no matter what s going on.
1
SPEAKER_03
Chelsea?
1
SPEAKER_02
Tig, I just want to put out, I like lemony desserts.
1
SPEAKER_03
Oh, okay, that s good to know.
1
SPEAKER_02
And if anyone relates to that, follow me on Instagram.
1
SPEAKER_03
Do you like lemon bars?
1
SPEAKER_02
Lemon bars are a little too buttery.
1
SPEAKER_03
Okay, sorry to bother you.
1
SPEAKER_03
Chelsea, we have one more thing to do.
1
SPEAKER_03
It s a segment called Best Advice, Worst Advice.
1
SPEAKER_03
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_03
What is the best advice you ve ever been given?
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, I mean, the first thing that came into my head was honestly another one of your exes.
1
SPEAKER_03
Oh, OK.
1
SPEAKER_02
We had a conversation once about like identity politics and feeling, you know, like I always just felt like people hated female comedians.
1
SPEAKER_02
I think people now like them more.
1
SPEAKER_02
But when I was starting out, I just felt like it was like everyone s inclined to not like you and you have to prove that you re worth listening to and blah, blah, blah.
1
SPEAKER_02
And she I think it was her said, you just have to be undeniable.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I think about that a lot.
1
SPEAKER_02
What does it mean that I was so I ve been like close to your exes?
1
SPEAKER_02
Like, does that mean that we should be closer friends?
1
SPEAKER_02
Because like, I obviously get along with the people that you are drawn to.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, you and I have been close in proximity in the same circles.
1
SPEAKER_03
Circling each other.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, circling each other as friends.
1
SPEAKER_03
I would say it s probably 20 years we ve been circling each other and had very close people in common.
1
SPEAKER_03
So yeah, how about we go for- Twice a week hangs.
1
SPEAKER_03
A chocolate cake and an espresso.
1
SPEAKER_02
Go straight to twice a week hangs.
1
SPEAKER_02
What two nights of the week are good for you?
1
SPEAKER_03
What s the worst advice you ve ever had?
1
SPEAKER_03
From an ex of mine, of course.
1
SPEAKER_02
What comes to mind now?
1
SPEAKER_02
I mean, these are all stand-up things, which is so weird because I really, honestly, it s like stand-up isn t so top of mind, but maybe because I m talking to you, it is.
1
SPEAKER_02
I did this showcase in New York and there was this guy.
1
SPEAKER_02
Well, I don t know if I should say his name, but he was like kind of a gatekeeper and I had kind of an audition for a festival and he was standing at the door.
1
SPEAKER_02
As I m walking out, he goes,
1
SPEAKER_02
Maybe this isn t for you.
1
SPEAKER_02
The older I get, the more I m like, how could anyone say that to a young person trying to follow their dreams?
1
SPEAKER_02
And maybe it was right.
1
SPEAKER_02
Maybe he s like, you should be making movies.
1
SPEAKER_03
Listen, this guy is so wrong.
1
SPEAKER_03
He said this to somebody who has a special called one of the greats.
1
SPEAKER_03
OK, right.
1
SPEAKER_03
He s clearly wrong.
1
SPEAKER_02
Literally, the older I get and like having a child and stuff like I just can t imagine saying that to a young person after they had a bad audition, like even an old person.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
You don t say that to anyone.
1
SPEAKER_02
Well, I don t know if someone was 79 and they were doing a stand-up festival audition.
1
SPEAKER_02
I guess no, you d admire their moxie.
1
SPEAKER_03
Listen, I met two elderly like in their 80s and 90s stand-ups in New York that just started in their 80s and 90s and they were funny.
1
SPEAKER_03
And also you don t know why people are doing what they re doing.
1
SPEAKER_03
They might just be doing it to make their heart and soul sing.
1
SPEAKER_02
All right.
1
SPEAKER_03
Well, Chelsea, we re at the end of the road.
1
SPEAKER_03
Thanks, Tig.
1
SPEAKER_03
Thanks for having me.
1
SPEAKER_03
Thanks for taking the time to do this.
1
SPEAKER_03
Do you have anything you d like to promote or mention or?
1
SPEAKER_02
Hey, thanks for taking the time to do this.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, you re ridiculous.
1
SPEAKER_02
Thanks for taking the time.
1
SPEAKER_02
You re silly.
1
SPEAKER_02
All I really have to promote is you can follow me on Instagram, Chelsea Peretti or Chillsanity, I forget.
1
SPEAKER_02
And my movie, just keep an eye out for it.
1
SPEAKER_02
I mean, hopefully it lands somewhere awesome and you get to see it.
1
SPEAKER_03
Great.
1
SPEAKER_03
Even if it lands somewhere terrible, hopefully you can see it.
1
SPEAKER_02
Please watch it.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, please, please hunt it down at that terrible location and watch it.
1
SPEAKER_03
All right, Chelsea, I will see you at our chocolate cake tea.
1
SPEAKER_03
Twice a week.
1
SPEAKER_03
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_03
All right.
1
SPEAKER_03
Bye.
1
SPEAKER_02
Bye.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s what you heard.
1
SPEAKER_03
Don t Ask Tig is hosted by me, Tig Notaro.
1
SPEAKER_03
It s produced by Thomas Ouellette and Shana Deloria.
1
SPEAKER_03
Our executive producer and editor is Beth Perlman.
1
SPEAKER_03
Engineering and sound mixing by Alex Simpson and Evan Clark.
1
SPEAKER_03
Digital production by James Napoli.
1
SPEAKER_03
Talent booking by Marianne Ways.
1
SPEAKER_03
Production support from Maria Wurtele.
1
SPEAKER_03
Our theme music is
1
SPEAKER_03
Friend in Tig by Edie Brickell and Kyle Cresham, and Listen to Your Heart by Edie Brickell.
1
SPEAKER_03
Special thanks to Hunter Seidman.
1
SPEAKER_03
APM Studios executives in charge are Chandra Kavati, Alex Schaffert, and Joanne Griffith.
1
SPEAKER_03
Concept developed by Tracy Mumford.
1
SPEAKER_03
Our executive consultant is Dean Capello and Gobsmack Studios.
1
SPEAKER_03
You can always ask for advice at DontAskTig.org.
1
SPEAKER_03
Just write in with your problem or send us a voice memo.
1
SPEAKER_03
Remember to follow us on social media at DontAskTig.
1
SPEAKER_03
DontAskTig is a production of American Public Media.
1
SPEAKER_03
And as always, thanks Dana and I ll tell Becky.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m Christina Cotarucci, and this season on Slow Burn.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s called Proposition 6.
1
SPEAKER_00
The Briggs Initiative.
1
SPEAKER_01
John Briggs is going to fire every gay and lesbian schoolteacher in California.
1
SPEAKER_00
With so much at stake, young people became activists.
1
SPEAKER_00
We can t let this happen in California.
1
SPEAKER_00
And activists became leaders.
1
SPEAKER_01
My name is Harvey Milk, and I m here to include you.
1
SPEAKER_00
Slow Burn, Season 9.
1
SPEAKER_00
Gays Against Briggs.
1
SPEAKER_00
Out now, wherever you listen.