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My name is Lee Hawkins.
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I ve been a journalist for over 25 years.
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On my new podcast, What Happened in Alabama, I get answers to some of the hardest questions about how things came to be for many black Americans and the truth that must come before any reconciliation can happen.
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I investigate my family history, my upbringing in Minnesota, and my father s painful nightmares about growing up in Alabama.
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What Happened in Alabama is a new series confronting the cycles of trauma for myself, my family, and for many Black Americans.
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Listen now.
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Hey there, it s your friend Tig.
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I just wanted to pop in here to remind everybody to vote.
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Voting day is November 8th, and I know some people think midterms aren t as important, and they are.
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They re equally as important.
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if not sometimes more important.
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So please mark it on your calendar, make a plan, tell your friends and family to do so also, and let s get this world on track.
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All right, go vote November 8th.
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Now on to my episode with Mae Martin.
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I bought those four-leaf clovers on eBay, and then I hadn t really realized what a sign that was, that you re in a weird place, until you pointed that out kindly.
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I just thought, I want to be lucky, but I don t want to go to the great lengths of searching for hundreds of four-leaf clovers, so I bought them on eBay.
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But you know who ended up being the luckiest person?
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Your kids?
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Well, I did appreciate you giving my kids some pre-packaged four-leaf clovers that you bought online.
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But I would say the person that sold them to you and the other people that bought four-leaf clovers online.
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That is one lucky person.
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Just raking in cash.
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Yeah.
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I don t know how she s doing it, how she s finding them all.
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I think maybe she s gluing leaves onto three-leaf clovers, but I don t want to know that.
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It s a good way to spend time.
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Yeah.
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This is Don t Ask Tig, I m Tig Notaro, and I feel good about you not asking.
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With me now is an award-winning comedian, actor, and writer, and on top of that, they re Canadian.
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They co-created, wrote, and starred in the Netflix show Feel Good.
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You can also see them on HBO s The Flight Attendant.
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Mae Martin, welcome to Don t Ask Tig.
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Thank you so much for having me.
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What an honor.
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Oh, Mae, stop.
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I meant it sarcastically.
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No, I m joking.
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It s an honor.
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SPEAKER_03
Oh, it s an honor to have you.
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SPEAKER_03
Well, you haven t seen any of my work, but I appreciate it.
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SPEAKER_02
I have.
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SPEAKER_02
I ve researched you.
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SPEAKER_02
When we went to lunch, I was without a little bit of information.
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SPEAKER_02
But I also did a TV taping with you for Netflix and saw you perform and was like, wow, you ve got it.
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SPEAKER_02
Um, so I discovered you.
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SPEAKER_02
You discovered me.
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Three months ago.
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And it felt good.
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But you and I have become pals since that taping, wouldn t you say?
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Or am I big-talking here?
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SPEAKER_03
No, I ve been pursuing your friendship, and that was such a fun lunch.
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SPEAKER_03
And then this is our second hangout, really, is this podcast.
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SPEAKER_03
I know, I know.
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SPEAKER_02
But we also have loose plans to have lunch again.
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SPEAKER_02
Yes, I m down.
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SPEAKER_02
I want to become a vegan.
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SPEAKER_02
And how has that been going?
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Terribly, I can tell.
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SPEAKER_03
Yeah, it only happens when I m with you and I ve only been with you once.
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SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_03
But I found a Mexican vegan place that I really want to go to.
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SPEAKER_02
And you ll bring me?
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SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_02
Okay.
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SPEAKER_02
All right.
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SPEAKER_02
Good.
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Well, that s all the time we have today.
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No, it s truly a pleasure to have you.
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I think you are hilarious.
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And I think you are very talented.
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And I told you on a text recently, I believe, that you feel like a new old friend to me.
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SPEAKER_02
Ditto.
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SPEAKER_03
Yeah, I really felt that.
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SPEAKER_03
And then I never know if that s... I m like, is that...
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I don t think it s just because I have an encyclopedic knowledge of your work.
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SPEAKER_03
I think I genuinely was like, I knew we d get along, and then we did.
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SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I was just like, wow, that s so crazy.
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SPEAKER_02
I m 51 years old, you re not, but at my age, are you drinking alcohol?
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SPEAKER_03
No, I m drinking cold brew in a wine glass.
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SPEAKER_02
Oh, OK.
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SPEAKER_02
OK, well, you knew I would have to have a question about that.
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SPEAKER_02
You couldn t have just.
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I didn t actually know I was being eccentric like I have no other clean glasses, but cold brew makes me I mean, look out.
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I m going to be crazy.
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SPEAKER_02
Yeah, well, that s of course eccentric, to be on a podcast drinking out of a wine glass with some cold brew.
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SPEAKER_02
But to get back to our old friendship that is new.
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SPEAKER_03
It may be like a shared language of just being in comedy, having similar experiences.
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SPEAKER_02
I don t know, because there s a lot of comedians that I don t, especially what I was going to say is, I m 51 and I meet a lot of people and I m not like, oh, this, I d love to be friends with this person.
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I ll maybe have lunch or be at something with them.
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And I m like, they re great.
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And I never think about them again.
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And then I was like, I love me some May.
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SPEAKER_02
Oh, that s the best.
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SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
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Ditto.
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SPEAKER_02
Ditto.
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SPEAKER_03
That s so nice.
0
SPEAKER_02
Now, your TV show, Feel Good, it s semi-autobiographical.
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What is the most important thing, would you say, for the audience to learn about who you are?
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SPEAKER_02
Oh, that s a cool question.
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I think just very flawed.
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I think the characters kind of where I was at 10 or 15 years ago, although really still am figuring everything out and very kind of romantic, but also all over the place.
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I don t know.
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I think people maybe find it helpful seeing people who are a mess.
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Do you feel like you re a mess?
0
SPEAKER_03
Well, no.
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SPEAKER_03
I mean, I guess if you re a mess, you can t write the TV show, if you re an actual mess.
0
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But, um, yeah, I have my moments for sure.
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SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_03
Okay.
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Now, Mae, as we talked about at our lunch, and as your show talks about,
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You are open about the role addiction plays in your life.
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Do you find comedy to be an addiction?
0
SPEAKER_03
Definitely a workaholic in general, and I derive probably too much of my self-worth from my work and career.
0
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I think that ambition has helped me get over some other more harmful addictions, probably.
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But I ve never been one of those people who s like, I gotta be on stage every night.
0
SPEAKER_03
Like, I love when a show gets canceled.
0
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I love to not do comedy as well.
0
SPEAKER_03
When a TV show gets canceled?
0
SPEAKER_03
No, no, no.
0
SPEAKER_03
Like live, live comedy.
0
SPEAKER_03
Oh, I was like, well, that s interesting.
0
SPEAKER_03
No, that would be devastating.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
0
SPEAKER_02
I was like that.
0
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I wonder what that is saying about my new friend, May, if you like your TV shows to be canceled.
0
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And I love when my TV shows get canceled.
0
SPEAKER_02
Guess what?
0
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You re out of work.
0
SPEAKER_02
Do you crave live stand-up?
0
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I used to.
0
SPEAKER_02
I mean, I ve been doing it 25 years and I ve learned we ve been doing it the same amount of time, which is insane.
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_03
I think in the beginning, yeah, it was maybe more like that.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_02
I was on stage, I would say six or seven nights a week.
0
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Whether it was an open mic or a booked show or whatever it was, I was always working out new material.
0
SPEAKER_02
I have places where I can get on stage in LA and do 30 minutes or over an hour if I want.
0
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I try and utilize those types of shows to work through things and get myself ready to go with material to tour with.
0
SPEAKER_02
I m married, I have kids.
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SPEAKER_02
It s no judgment about others, but I don t want to be out at clubs.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I want to be at home.
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_03
And I think someone said the definition of an addiction is when you re doing something that you crave, find relief in and can t stop doing despite it having negative consequences in your life.
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SPEAKER_03
So it s I think when it becomes an addiction is when it s having negative consequences that you re aware of and you still are doing it.
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SPEAKER_03
So, yeah, if you were out every night and your kids were like, who s take then?
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SPEAKER_03
Yeah, then that would be an addiction.
0
SPEAKER_02
Right.
0
SPEAKER_02
Well, thank you.
0
SPEAKER_02
Thank you for that.
0
SPEAKER_02
I know I m not addicted to stand up.
0
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I might have been.
0
SPEAKER_02
No, it wasn t addiction because it wasn t negative.
0
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But who cares about me?
0
SPEAKER_02
Now, as I mentioned, you ve been doing this a very long time.
0
SPEAKER_02
You ve been pursuing comedy since you were 13?
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, well, I started doing, like, Second City improv classes and stuff when I was 13, and then started doing stand-up at the end of that year.
0
SPEAKER_02
How do you get into that world so young and so quickly?
0
SPEAKER_03
It s a really good question for my parents that I don t know.
0
SPEAKER_03
I had a really long leash.
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SPEAKER_03
Is that what they say?
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SPEAKER_03
I wasn t on an actual leash.
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SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_02
It sounds like you should have been.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, honestly.
0
SPEAKER_02
You re the one kid where people would have been like, yeah, absolutely.
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Completely.
0
SPEAKER_03
Put a collar on that kid.
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SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_03
I was like, I found my passion and what I want to do.
0
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And I was really stubborn.
0
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And then it was mainly just this one club in Toronto where it wasn t like a club club.
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SPEAKER_03
It was technically a theater.
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SPEAKER_03
So there was no age restriction.
0
SPEAKER_03
But also this was like 2000, 2001.
0
SPEAKER_03
So people would just turn a blind eye to the weird 14 year old.
0
SPEAKER_02
When I was 13, there s no world where I would get on stage and do anything.
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SPEAKER_02
I mean, what was it in you?
0
SPEAKER_02
That s fascinating.
0
SPEAKER_03
I know I was an outgoing kid and I don t know, I probably felt different at school and then found this world where people were being applauded for their differences and people were up on stage making fun of themselves.
0
SPEAKER_03
And so it was maybe cathartic to go on stage and be like, I m a piece of shit.
0
SPEAKER_03
And then everyone would laugh and I d be like, oh, great.
0
SPEAKER_03
Now I m in control of it, you know?
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_02
Wow.
0
SPEAKER_02
Whenever I hear about kids that get started that early and stuff, I just, when I think back on myself, I m like, I had a greasy bowl haircut.
0
SPEAKER_02
I think I might have still wet my pants sometimes, you know?
0
SPEAKER_02
There was no room for me to get on stage, even though there was plenty to laugh at.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_02
About me.
0
SPEAKER_02
And is there any advice you would give your 13 year old self?
0
SPEAKER_03
Oh, I d be like, wait four years.
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_03
What are you doing?
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_03
Oh, I would say don t impersonate other comedians.
0
SPEAKER_03
I think probably most of my teens, I was just kind of cycling through people I was a fan of and then just mimicking their manner.
0
SPEAKER_03
Who is that?
0
SPEAKER_03
So like at first I was like, I m kind of
0
SPEAKER_03
I think I m kind of like a Bill Hicks, kind of, which I could not be less.
0
SPEAKER_03
And I would go on stage with a cigarette and smoke.
0
SPEAKER_02
Well, that was the time.
0
SPEAKER_02
It was like around 2000.
0
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Everybody was Bill Hicks on stage.
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, and smoking.
0
SPEAKER_03
But imagine this kid.
0
SPEAKER_03
I d go in my school uniform sometimes, like smoking.
0
SPEAKER_03
People would be like,
0
SPEAKER_03
so concerned for my well-being.
0
SPEAKER_03
When did you start smoking?
0
SPEAKER_03
I smoked maybe 12 or 13 to 20.
0
SPEAKER_03
See, I was 11 to 25.
0
SPEAKER_03
Really?
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SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_03
Were there cigarettes in the house and stuff?
0
SPEAKER_02
Oh, everyone was smoking, so I could just hang out in my room and smoke cigarettes and nobody would know that anything smelled weird anywhere.
0
SPEAKER_02
Same.
0
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And everybody called me Huckleberry Tig.
0
SPEAKER_02
That s amazing.
0
SPEAKER_03
I can picture it so clearly.
0
SPEAKER_03
Did you ever have like a toothpick in your mouth or like a piece of straw?
0
SPEAKER_02
I mean, I would say in the last five years or so I ve given up toothpicks, but I used to really have
0
SPEAKER_02
a toothpick situation.
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SPEAKER_02
Really?
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SPEAKER_02
Maybe it s longer than five years.
0
SPEAKER_02
But yeah, I was real toothpicky, like an oral fixation.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_02
And just I always get stuff in my teeth and right digging around.
0
SPEAKER_02
Plus, it looks cool.
0
SPEAKER_02
It looks really cool.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_02
So you d say wait four years before you get on stage.
0
SPEAKER_02
Don t try to be cool.
0
SPEAKER_02
Don t impersonate other comedians.
0
SPEAKER_02
All right.
0
SPEAKER_02
Now, Mae, is it true that you not only enjoy but actually love it when you re bombing on stage?
0
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Because if this is true, this is something we have in common.
0
SPEAKER_02
I want to have good shows, but if it goes south, I always think, boy, is this silly.
0
SPEAKER_02
It s so funny.
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, I completely agree.
0
SPEAKER_03
I think I mean, I love watching people bomb.
0
SPEAKER_03
I find it so heroic and hilarious.
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SPEAKER_03
And then yeah, when I m bombing and I m like, I ve sat down and thought this was gonna be funny.
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_03
And these people don t like it s hilarious.
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_02
Not only did you sit down and think it was funny, you probably got on a plane and flew there, checked into a hotel room, left your loved ones behind because you believed so deeply in this material.
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_03
I was once flown to Serbia to do stand-up in an opera house with about 14 other comedians.
0
SPEAKER_03
This huge building that was just really badly organized.
0
SPEAKER_03
Like, there s not a lot of stand-up in Serbia.
0
SPEAKER_03
No one really knew.
0
SPEAKER_03
what was happening.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, it s not really known for for stand up.
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, I got my start in Serbia.
0
SPEAKER_03
And before I went on stage, they were like, Oh, and maybe don t mention anything gay as well.
0
SPEAKER_03
At that time, I didn t have any material that wasn t gay.
0
SPEAKER_03
You know, I was like 24 or something.
0
SPEAKER_03
And
0
SPEAKER_03
I bombed so hard, like it was silent and then people were like heckling or booing and I just couldn t stop laughing because I ve been flown all the way there.
0
SPEAKER_03
I knew I had to then go and face the organizers after.
0
SPEAKER_03
I mean, I was ashamed and horrified, but I couldn t stop laughing.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, it s that thing of once you re not supposed to laugh, and then you laugh even harder.
0
SPEAKER_02
And this is not a funny thing, but I saw somebody trapped in one of those situations, and it was when I was in junior high school.
0
SPEAKER_02
The girl that never said a word at all, not a peep,
0
SPEAKER_02
the principal came over the intercom and announced that the space shuttle had exploded.
0
SPEAKER_02
She... went into a fit of hysterical laughter.
0
SPEAKER_02
And it was the craziest thing because nobody...
0
SPEAKER_02
had heard anything out of her.
0
SPEAKER_02
And there she was trapped in this, like, psychotic cackle over this horrendous tragedy.
0
SPEAKER_02
And we were all in, like, seventh or eighth grade, and just trapped also in our own confusion of, like, this is the saddest news, but also, oh, my God.
0
SPEAKER_02
That girl is laughing so hard.
0
SPEAKER_02
Was she, like, cry laughing?
0
SPEAKER_02
We ll discuss that after we get into the advice for our listeners here, Mae.
0
SPEAKER_02
Okay, great.
0
SPEAKER_02
You live, I think, somewhat a bit in Britain, correct?
0
SPEAKER_02
Mm-hmm.
0
SPEAKER_02
Well, the first question comes from a fellow UK transplant.
0
SPEAKER_02
Oh, great.
0
SPEAKER_02
Alice writes, I moved to England from Texas four years ago with my husband and two young kids because my husband is British.
0
SPEAKER_02
We were only going to stay for a few years, but now we ve made lovely friends and such backwards politics in the States makes us nervous to go home.
0
SPEAKER_02
But I miss my parents and sister and other friends and family so badly.
0
SPEAKER_02
I think about it every day and I m so torn about what to do.
0
SPEAKER_02
When I hear this, I m like, I would stay put and just visit the States.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_02
I mean, I don t know.
0
SPEAKER_02
I can t assume, Alice, that you have the money to go back and forth.
0
SPEAKER_02
But if you do, I would say go visit your friends and family, have them come visit you.
0
SPEAKER_02
But if you are happier with the politics of Britain, I mean, England s politics are bleak right now.
0
SPEAKER_02
Well, I was going to say, I mean, how do you decide between the two?
0
SPEAKER_02
But how do you decide between the two?
0
SPEAKER_02
Or you don t even think about that.
0
SPEAKER_02
It s just kind of work.
0
SPEAKER_03
I don t know where I live right now.
0
SPEAKER_03
I m I m yeah, I m kind of between both places.
0
SPEAKER_03
But yeah, and I just am going where where the work is.
0
SPEAKER_03
But long term, if I was going to take like a family and settle somewhere,
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, maybe I d go England because of free health care and, you know, abortions if you want them.
0
SPEAKER_03
The fun accents.
0
SPEAKER_03
The fun accents.
0
SPEAKER_03
Well, I guess there s several.
0
SPEAKER_03
There s several.
0
SPEAKER_03
You drive a block and there s a different accent.
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, she started off by listing all these positive things and she s in love with it.
0
SPEAKER_03
She has this new friend group.
0
SPEAKER_03
I think change is always good.
0
SPEAKER_03
She s going to grow exponentially.
0
SPEAKER_02
All right, Alice.
0
SPEAKER_02
Listen to May.
0
SPEAKER_02
Hope that advice helps.
0
SPEAKER_02
May, let s take a break and then we ll return shortly with more questions.
0
SPEAKER_01
a six billion dollar con.
0
SPEAKER_03
It didn t take long for it to spread like wildfire.
0
SPEAKER_03
You got to take a look at this really crazy gold stock.
0
SPEAKER_01
A buddy of mine got in at a dime.
0
SPEAKER_01
Which destroyed lives and devastated communities.
0
SPEAKER_01
Every little town across the nation, people have shares in this.
0
SPEAKER_01
We lost everything.
0
SPEAKER_01
And to date, no one has been brought to justice.
0
SPEAKER_02
Somebody knows more than we know.
0
SPEAKER_01
The $6 billion gold scam from the BBC World Service and CBC.
0
SPEAKER_01
Search for the $6 billion gold scam wherever you get your podcasts.
0
SPEAKER_02
And we re back.
0
SPEAKER_02
May, this next question was sent in by Trish.
0
SPEAKER_02
Trish writes, Tig, I am looking for a gift to send to my 35
1
SPEAKER_04
year old brother who will soon be celebrating his one year sober.
1
SPEAKER_04
It has been a long and emotional road and I don t want the day to pass without doing something a little extra for him.
1
SPEAKER_04
Any suggestions would be very appreciated.
1
SPEAKER_03
How long have you been sober?
1
SPEAKER_03
Well, I m not like teetotal or whatever.
1
SPEAKER_03
Like I ve had a really specific coke problem and I haven t done coke in many years.
1
SPEAKER_04
And so how long have you been sober?
1
SPEAKER_03
Like give or take, like, I mean, with a few slip ups, a long time, 10 years, 12 years.
1
SPEAKER_03
15 years, since I was 20.
1
SPEAKER_04
Sounds like, are you making things up?
1
SPEAKER_03
I don t know why I m panicking.
1
SPEAKER_03
I feel like I m going to get drug tested, but I don t do coke.
1
SPEAKER_03
It s a terrible thing.
1
SPEAKER_04
You re acting like you re on coke.
1
SPEAKER_04
Five years, 10 years, 15.
1
SPEAKER_04
I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_03
Who s asking?
1
SPEAKER_03
Who wants to know?
1
SPEAKER_03
I know.
1
SPEAKER_03
It s like, I want to be totally honest, but yeah, I would say like 15 years.
1
SPEAKER_04
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_03
Is there anything that you would want?
1
SPEAKER_03
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_03
What?
1
SPEAKER_03
A hundred percent.
1
SPEAKER_03
If this guy is anything like me, then he s going to replace that addiction with like adrenaline and wanting to be busy and fill his time.
1
SPEAKER_03
So something like a slip and slide or, uh, Oh, there s this game called wet head that I really recommend.
1
SPEAKER_03
It s like a hat that has a bucket of water on it.
1
SPEAKER_03
And then one by one, you take turns wearing it and pulling out these sticks.
1
SPEAKER_03
And then, you know, one person s going to get wet.
1
SPEAKER_03
Now, May, when do you play wet head?
1
SPEAKER_03
Is that what it is?
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, wet head, you know, with friends at home or... When s the last time you played wet head?
1
SPEAKER_03
Uh, in May, the last time I was in England, I played it at my house.
1
SPEAKER_03
It makes a mess.
1
SPEAKER_03
Sounds like it.
1
SPEAKER_03
But you chant, wet head, wet head.
1
SPEAKER_03
How old is this guy?
1
SPEAKER_03
I hope, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
How old are you?
1
SPEAKER_03
I m 35.
1
SPEAKER_04
All right.
1
SPEAKER_04
Now, a slip and slide.
1
SPEAKER_04
Do you have one?
1
SPEAKER_03
I don t have one of those.
1
SPEAKER_03
That would be a great gift for me.
1
SPEAKER_03
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_03
Well, forget we ever talked about it.
1
SPEAKER_03
You know what I m saying?
1
SPEAKER_03
or maybe like an escape room or go-karting, like an adrenaline-fueled activity.
1
SPEAKER_03
Okay, great.
1
SPEAKER_04
Well, I can t argue with that.
1
SPEAKER_04
Trish, you are clearly a very thoughtful sister.
1
SPEAKER_04
Congratulations to your brother.
1
SPEAKER_04
And May, this next listener is struggling with a recent shift in leadership.
1
SPEAKER_04
Margo writes,
1
SPEAKER_04
I manage a small office of five employees.
1
SPEAKER_04
Recently, the company we work for purchased another firm in our town, and I will manage the combined office.
1
SPEAKER_04
The problem is we do not have a dress code, but they do.
1
SPEAKER_04
We can wear whatever we want to work, jeans, sneakers, T-shirts.
1
SPEAKER_04
Their office has a no jeans policy.
1
SPEAKER_04
On Fridays, employees can wear jeans, but they have to pay a dollar.
1
SPEAKER_04
At the end of the year, they choose a charity to give the jeans fund to.
1
SPEAKER_04
As the manager of this new blended team, I don t want to insist my current employees adhere to the other company s dress code, nor do I want to take away the other team s very nice charity fundraiser.
1
SPEAKER_04
And there s no way we could have some wearing jeans while others have to pay a dollar.
1
SPEAKER_04
Help!
1
SPEAKER_04
Oh boy, Margo.
1
SPEAKER_04
Find a different way to raise money.
1
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_04
And tell everyone to dress however they want.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, like she didn t really entertain the idea of just saying, Oh, everyone can wear jeans.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, it wasn t even on her radar.
1
SPEAKER_04
Well, she didn t want to lose the charity fundraiser.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, bake cupcakes, bake muffins.
1
SPEAKER_04
Or just have a bowl out and just say, hey, put a dollar in here.
1
SPEAKER_04
Or if somebody says a bad word, how about that?
1
SPEAKER_04
That s it.
1
SPEAKER_04
Because adults say bad words and you re going to rake in some cash.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, that s a good idea.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
Also, she s gonna wanna blend those two workforces and get everybody to get to know each other anyway.
1
SPEAKER_03
So, have a monthly team-building day where you play wet head, you d slip and slide, you bond.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, I just... I can t get behind the everyone has to, you know... Pay a dollar to wear jeans.
1
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_04
I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_04
I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_04
You re talking to comedians.
1
SPEAKER_04
Margo, what are you doing writing in to Don t Ask Tig to ask one of the most casual people?
1
SPEAKER_03
Famously casual.
1
SPEAKER_03
I worked in a call center once and I had to wear business attire.
1
SPEAKER_03
It was a really weird call center where there were sort of two head women.
1
SPEAKER_03
One was this woman, Wanda, was kind of like the boss of the upper floor.
1
SPEAKER_03
Wanda, shout out.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
And then there was Rita, who was the bottom floor, and they hated each other.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yo, Rita.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yo, Rita.
1
SPEAKER_03
Rita was wild.
1
SPEAKER_03
Oh, my God.
1
SPEAKER_03
One time she goes, I can get you anything.
1
SPEAKER_03
I m like, what do you mean?
1
SPEAKER_03
She s like, anything you need.
1
SPEAKER_03
Never explained it.
1
SPEAKER_03
But yeah, I became friends with one of them, and then Wanda got mad, and she started doing this thing where she would walk by my cubicle and go, rat patrol.
1
SPEAKER_03
She was calling me a rat just because I was friends with Rita.
1
SPEAKER_03
Like, I just got there.
1
SPEAKER_03
I didn t know the politics and the interpersonal... I guess I made some missteps socially by talking to Rita on the lower floor when I was technically a Wanda person.
1
SPEAKER_02
And they hated each other.
1
SPEAKER_03
RAT PATROL!
1
SPEAKER_03
Can you imagine?
1
SPEAKER_03
Anytime I ve walked by her, she d say it.
1
SPEAKER_04
RAT PATROL!
1
SPEAKER_04
May, you have really been through it, haven t you?
1
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_04
Well, all right.
1
SPEAKER_04
Well, it makes you the interesting person you are today.
1
SPEAKER_04
Thank you.
1
SPEAKER_04
Margo, that s our two cents.
1
SPEAKER_04
98 more and we ll be allowed to wear jeans.
1
SPEAKER_04
All right.
1
SPEAKER_04
Best of luck.
1
SPEAKER_04
May, our last listener question was sent in by Kevin.
1
SPEAKER_04
Kevin writes, there is a shop near my house that sells beautiful handmade gift cards, but the artist only charges $6 for each of them.
1
SPEAKER_04
That s about the price for a basic Hallmark card.
1
SPEAKER_04
Her cards are worth way more.
1
SPEAKER_04
I feel funny mentioning that to her though.
1
SPEAKER_04
If you are an artist and an independent business person selling your crafts,
1
SPEAKER_04
How would you feel if one of your customers told you that you should charge more?
1
SPEAKER_04
Should I just mind my own business?
1
SPEAKER_04
Kevin, no.
1
SPEAKER_04
This is your calling.
1
SPEAKER_04
Sometimes people don t know their worth and it would only be flattering.
1
SPEAKER_03
I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_03
There s something about Kevin and the way he s like, how concerned he is about it that makes me think there s some ulterior motive that he s not telling us.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, you re right.
1
SPEAKER_03
We can t trust Kevin.
1
SPEAKER_03
I don t trust him really because I m like, of course, that s so nice.
1
SPEAKER_03
Go, hey, these are worth more.
1
SPEAKER_03
But is it that he knows himself and he knows he s going to do it in a weird way?
1
SPEAKER_03
Like maybe he s going to yell at her.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
or belittle her in some way.
1
SPEAKER_03
Kevin, why would you do that?
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
Like, what if he is being, like, I don t know, condescending about her business acumen or something?
1
SPEAKER_03
I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_03
If his intentions are pure, then totally tell her, but she s probably done the math in her head and put them at an appropriate price level.
1
SPEAKER_04
I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_04
I mean, maybe she s not good at crunching numbers.
1
SPEAKER_04
You know?
1
SPEAKER_04
Even if I was selling really great things for six dollars, and somebody came up and screamed in my face, that I should be charging more.
1
SPEAKER_04
Because they re so beautiful?
1
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, because they re so beautiful.
1
SPEAKER_04
I would not hold on to that with a lot of anger.
1
SPEAKER_04
I would let it go.
1
SPEAKER_04
Probably make me think.
1
SPEAKER_04
I m not saying, Kevin, to yell,
1
SPEAKER_04
at this poor woman.
1
SPEAKER_04
Don t scream it, but... Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
Okay, so try it, see what happens.
1
SPEAKER_03
I just feel like there s something else going on.
1
SPEAKER_03
I think he has a crush on her or there s something he s not telling us.
1
SPEAKER_03
Really?
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
I don t know why.
1
SPEAKER_04
Maybe you re just trying to sniff stuff out because you ve been in the crazy, like, comedy world since you were 13, and, you know, you can t trust anyone.
1
SPEAKER_04
Do you feel that way, by the way, in comedy, where you re like, there s some shifty shadies?
1
SPEAKER_03
Or do you feel like, ah, it s just a great bunch?
1
SPEAKER_03
Now I know the people I like, and you just surround yourself with those people.
1
SPEAKER_03
But no, no, there s shifty shadies.
1
SPEAKER_03
Hundred percent.
1
SPEAKER_03
Oh, wow.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
Rap patrol.
1
SPEAKER_03
I m gonna start doing that.
1
SPEAKER_03
It s like the little quiver in patrol.
1
SPEAKER_03
Rat patrol.
1
SPEAKER_04
Well, if you have control of your voice.
1
SPEAKER_04
Voice control.
1
SPEAKER_04
All right, Kevin, should I start charging for my podcast?
1
SPEAKER_04
Send me a handmade gift card and let me know.
1
SPEAKER_04
But I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_04
I think May is kind of blowing things up on the negative side.
1
SPEAKER_04
I think it s fine.
1
SPEAKER_04
Just let this person know that her art is worth way more than mine.
1
SPEAKER_04
I hope Mae didn t hear that.
1
SPEAKER_04
Mae, before we say goodbye for now, until our next lunch, we have one last thing to do.
1
SPEAKER_04
It s a segment called Advice of Yesteryear.
1
SPEAKER_04
Oh, cool.
1
SPEAKER_01
When Jerry brags about taking Ginny out, he learns that she dates all the boys.
1
SPEAKER_00
So as we see now, menstruation is just one routine step.
1
SPEAKER_00
in a normal and natural cycle.
1
SPEAKER_01
How do you choose a date?
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, one thing you can consider is look.
1
SPEAKER_00
I did everything you said, but my boss still hasn t asked me to lunch.
1
SPEAKER_04
This is where we take a real question from an advice column of yesteryear and try to answer it a little better.
1
SPEAKER_04
This is from a book titled, Never Kiss a Man in a Canoe, Words of Wisdom from the Golden Age of Agony Ants by Tanith Carey.
1
SPEAKER_04
This question was sent to a columnist at Boyfriend Magazine in 1960.
1
SPEAKER_04
Wow.
1
SPEAKER_04
Don t say I am too young to help because there s no one else to turn to.
1
SPEAKER_04
Although I am only 13, I m very advanced for my age and can easily pass for 16.
1
SPEAKER_04
I love a boy of 19 who is going steady with my sister.
1
SPEAKER_04
I know he doesn t love her and is only going out with her to fill in time until I am older.
1
SPEAKER_04
He s as good as told me so.
1
SPEAKER_04
But when I told this to my sister, she laughed and said her boy had only said this to be kind to me, and that he d told her all about it.
1
SPEAKER_04
I don t know who to believe, and I don t know what to do. 
1
SPEAKER_04
Whoa.
1
SPEAKER_04
May.
1
SPEAKER_04
Before we hear what the advice was, what is your advice to this 13-year-old that feels she can pass for 16, who loves her sister s boyfriend?
1
SPEAKER_03
I just have so many questions for the boyfriend.
1
SPEAKER_03
I have red flags that he s being like, I m just waiting for you.
1
SPEAKER_03
I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_03
That s a weird joke to make.
1
SPEAKER_03
to a 13-year-old.
1
SPEAKER_03
And also, when she says, he s as good as told me, maybe she s misinterpreted something.
1
SPEAKER_03
I don t know, but she needs to meet someone her own age and not steal her sister s boyfriend.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
Rat patrol!
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, 100%.
1
SPEAKER_03
It just seems pretty toxic in that household.
1
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_04
I hope they ve all moved out at this point, because this is way back when.
1
SPEAKER_04
All right, do you want to hear what the answer was?
1
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, please.
1
SPEAKER_04
I would advise you to believe your sister and go back to your homework like a good girl.
1
SPEAKER_04
For your age, you might be overdeveloped physically, but you seem to be underdeveloped mentally.
1
SPEAKER_04
At any age, it s wrong to pinch someone else s boy.
1
SPEAKER_04
Your sister s boy is trying to let you down lightly and your sister probably wouldn t have told you if you hadn t been silly enough to talk to her about it in the first place.
1
SPEAKER_04
Apologize to her.
1
SPEAKER_04
If you do, it will be the first time you ve behaved like a grownup.
1
SPEAKER_04
And once you start acting a little more adult, all your problems will get easier.
1
SPEAKER_03
Wow.
1
SPEAKER_03
That was character assassination.
1
SPEAKER_03
That was an annihilation.
1
SPEAKER_03
I mean, every other word is so abusive.
1
SPEAKER_03
It s crazy.
1
SPEAKER_03
That ll be the first time you ve acted like a grown-up.
1
SPEAKER_04
I mean, has this person forgotten that that is a 13-year-old?
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, it feels like the sister wrote it.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_04
I mean, it really feels like if you could spank somebody with words, this magazine spanked her.
1
SPEAKER_03
Do your homework like a good girl?
1
SPEAKER_03
I mean, it s so crazy.
1
SPEAKER_03
I want to see the face of whoever wrote that.
1
SPEAKER_03
Horn-rimmed?
1
SPEAKER_03
Yes, for sure.
1
SPEAKER_03
Horn-rimmed everything.
1
SPEAKER_04
So 1960, and this person is, I can t do the math, but how old is a 13-year-old now, if that s 1960? 85?
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
Do you think that s right?
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, that sounds good.
1
SPEAKER_03
Seventy-five, eighty-five?
1
SPEAKER_03
Seventy-five.
1
SPEAKER_03
Seventy-five, okay, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
So, wait, what are you saying?
1
SPEAKER_03
We track her down?
1
SPEAKER_04
Well, I was just letting you know roughly how old she might be now.
1
SPEAKER_04
If you wanted to see the face of the thirteen-year-old, it s gonna look seventy-five.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
Hey, you know how the thing was never kiss a man in a canoe?
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
I just, before I forget, should say that my first kiss was in a canoe.
1
SPEAKER_03
With?
1
SPEAKER_03
With a man.
1
SPEAKER_03
Well, a boy.
1
SPEAKER_03
My own age.
1
SPEAKER_03
Not my sister s boyfriend.
1
SPEAKER_03
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_03
At summer camp.
1
SPEAKER_03
And, um, yeah, look how I turned out.
1
SPEAKER_04
And did you have a feeling that that was about to happen?
1
SPEAKER_04
Oh, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_04
Were you heading out on the canoe for kisses?
1
SPEAKER_03
It was the last night of camp.
1
SPEAKER_03
Everyone knew that was gonna... We were all pairing off.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
And we were all in the canoes watching this bonfire.
1
SPEAKER_03
But we were... All the canoes were kind of gathered together and...
1
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, I ll never forget it.
1
SPEAKER_04
What if you stayed with him forever?
1
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_04
And he was with you through the ups and downs of your coke addiction and your, you know, your comedy career.
1
SPEAKER_04
And there he was, just your canoe.
1
SPEAKER_04
A steady presence.
1
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, just steady Eddie.
1
SPEAKER_04
Was his name Eddie?
1
SPEAKER_04
No, it was Kareem.
1
SPEAKER_04
Oh, okay.
1
SPEAKER_04
And do you know where Kareem is?
1
SPEAKER_04
No, he was an exchange student.
1
SPEAKER_04
Oh, well, he s probably listening.
1
SPEAKER_04
Kareem, please write in.
1
SPEAKER_04
We would love to reconnect you.
1
SPEAKER_03
I would love that.
1
SPEAKER_03
He said before he kissed me, he said, love is like fire, fire burns forever.
1
SPEAKER_03
And I was like Chandler Bing, and I was like, actually, it burns out eventually.
1
SPEAKER_03
I remember it so vividly.
1
SPEAKER_04
I can t believe he said that to you.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, he was a smooth talker.
1
SPEAKER_04
Wow.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_04
Say it again.
1
SPEAKER_03
Love is like fire, fire burns forever.
1
SPEAKER_03
So I was like, what are you talking about?
1
SPEAKER_04
And he s wrong.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, he s so wrong.
1
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
The intention was there.
1
SPEAKER_04
And then you never heard from him.
1
SPEAKER_04
Clearly fire doesn t burn for it.
1
SPEAKER_04
Well, though, you are still thinking about him.
1
SPEAKER_04
Constantly.
1
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_04
Well, Mae, it was a real joy to have you here on Don t Ask Tig.
1
SPEAKER_04
And I think we really solved some stuff.
1
SPEAKER_03
I hope so.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
Thank you so much for having me.
1
SPEAKER_03
I really enjoyed it.
1
SPEAKER_03
Is there anything that you would like to tell the people about?
1
SPEAKER_03
Well, I think the Navy has more videos of UFOs that they haven t released.
1
SPEAKER_03
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_03
I think we should all be more interested in that.
1
SPEAKER_03
I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_04
Great.
1
SPEAKER_04
It was a real pleasure to have you and I ll see you at lunch, my friend.
1
SPEAKER_04
Thanks for having me.
1
SPEAKER_04
See you at lunch.
1
SPEAKER_03
Alrighty.
1
SPEAKER_03
Bye bye.
1
SPEAKER_03
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_03
Bye bye.
1
SPEAKER_02
That s what you
1
SPEAKER_04
Don t Ask Tig is hosted by me, Tig Notaro.
1
SPEAKER_04
It s produced by Thomas Ouellette, Shana Deloria, and Warren Humford.
1
SPEAKER_04
Our executive producer and editor is Beth Perlman.
1
SPEAKER_04
Engineering and sound mixing by Alex Simpson.
1
SPEAKER_04
Digital production by James Napoli.
1
SPEAKER_04
Talent booking by Marianne Ways.
1
SPEAKER_04
Our theme music is Friend in Tig by Edie Burkell and Kyle Krushen.
1
SPEAKER_04
and Listen to Your Heart by Edie Brickell.
1
SPEAKER_04
Special thanks to Hunter Seidman.
1
SPEAKER_04
APM Studios executives in charge are Chandra Kavati, Alex Schaffert, and Joanne Griffith.
1
SPEAKER_04
Concept developed by Tracy Mumford.
1
SPEAKER_04
Our executive consultant is Dean Capello and Gobsmack Studios.
1
SPEAKER_04
You can always ask for advice at DontAskTIG.org.
1
SPEAKER_04
Just write in with your problem or send us a voice memo.
1
SPEAKER_04
Remember to follow us on social media at Don t Ask Tig.
1
SPEAKER_04
Don t Ask Tig is a production of American Public Media.
1
SPEAKER_04
And as always, thanks, Dana.
1
SPEAKER_04
And I ll tell Becky.
1
SPEAKER_00
a six billion dollar con.
1
SPEAKER_03
It didn t take long for it to spread like wildfire.
1
SPEAKER_03
You gotta take a look at this really crazy gold stock.
1
SPEAKER_03
A buddy of mine got in at a dime.
1
SPEAKER_00
Which destroyed lives and devastated communities.
1
SPEAKER_01
Every little town across the nation, people have shares.
2
SPEAKER_00
this.
2
SPEAKER_01
We lost everything.
2
SPEAKER_01
And to date no one has been brought to justice.
2
SPEAKER_00
Somebody knows more than we know.
2
SPEAKER_01
The six billion dollar gold scam from the BBC World Service and CBC.
2
SPEAKER_01
Search for the six billion dollar gold scam wherever you get your podcasts.