2
SPEAKER_00
 person that really died in my family and I looked around and I'm the youngest I was very much used to everyone else being the strong people the leaders and all of that I would just follow I look around everyone's in tears everyone all the guys all the women and in that moment I was like well who's gonna be strong for them I remember and I was like I'm so used to people being strong for me
2
SPEAKER_00
 But there's not a dry eye in the room.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I guess I'm going to have to be it.
2
SPEAKER_00
And so I remember being hold back the tears, don't you dare cry, be strong for everyone else.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then I also remember at the age of around seven or eight, I remember my parents got divorced and I would walk into the room and my mum would always wipe away her tears and pretend she wasn't crying.
2
SPEAKER_00
 And like now, even when my mom hears me say that, I'm like, mom, you cannot blame yourself.
2
SPEAKER_00
Please don't.
2
SPEAKER_00
Because of course, you try not to upset me.
2
SPEAKER_00
So why would you like, don't feel bad about trying to wipe away the tears.
2
SPEAKER_00
And we learn so much about mindset now, you know, over the years.
2
SPEAKER_00
So don't worry about it.
2
SPEAKER_00
But yeah, that did teach me that as a woman, you shouldn't show tears or vulnerability in front of others because it may upset them.
2
SPEAKER_01
Interesting.
2
SPEAKER_00
 And so I think I adopted those things.
2
SPEAKER_00
So, flash forward, I'm now an adult, my husband's quite more than I am, and I'm like, I really have to assess it.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I'm really still processing it.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
How are you processing it?
2
SPEAKER_00
In moments after my, my puppy passed away a couple of weeks ago.
2
SPEAKER_00
And when I say puppy, 17 and a half, he wasn't a puppy at all.
2
SPEAKER_00
And in moments like that, I'm just like, okay,
2
SPEAKER_00
 Like, first of all, I couldn't even control myself.
2
SPEAKER_00
It was just, the tears and the heartbreak just came.
2
SPEAKER_00
So in moments like that, I'm like, let it go.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like, I was coaching myself to just like, feel the feel.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I was repeating that, feel the feel, Lisa.
2
SPEAKER_00
It's okay, feel the feel.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I kept telling myself that.
2
SPEAKER_01
Were you trying to hold it back a little bit or?
2
SPEAKER_00
 I think once upon a time I would have, but I've done the pre-work now, and just over the last few years, I've really been working on this specific thing.
2
SPEAKER_00
So in that moment, and then the last thing was give myself grace.
2
SPEAKER_00
I was supposed to do Jay Shetty's podcast that day.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, it's freaking Jay Shetty.
2
SPEAKER_00
We all know how busy he is, right?
2
SPEAKER_00
And he's a good friend of ours, but I know how busy he is.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I was- It's like the universe testing you.
2
SPEAKER_01
It's like, okay, you gotta just toughen up and go back to work.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
And so in that moment, I was like, no, I'm not gonna toughen up.
2
SPEAKER_00
No.
2
SPEAKER_00
 You know what?
2
SPEAKER_00
I need to feel this.
2
SPEAKER_00
And this is exactly why you can't cry, Lisa.
2
SPEAKER_00
Because you're trying to be a badass all the time.
2
SPEAKER_00
But I have to tell myself.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I have to literally say to myself, Lisa.
2
SPEAKER_00
 Be soft, let yourself feel the feelings.
2
SPEAKER_00
You know if you went to this, you would put on your uniform, you would get your mindset right, but then that won't allow you to actually grieve.
2
SPEAKER_00
And so, you know, very graciously called him and we cancelled the shoot and I just, I told my team, I kept my phone off.
2
SPEAKER_00
 And that was the thing, I was like, I need to allow myself the space to process my emotions, and I just need to cry, and I just need to do whatever I need to do.
2
SPEAKER_00
And so I gave myself that space.
2
SPEAKER_00
And so that was all because I'd done the work, I realized that it was a problem.
2
SPEAKER_00
I realized that, oh my God, this might be a point, my old habits are gonna arise.
2
SPEAKER_00
So now I have to give myself the space.
2
SPEAKER_01
What do you think's available for yourself when you allow yourself space to feel emotions, to process emotions in healthy manners, as opposed to holding back emotions?
2
SPEAKER_00
 I think that that might have been a big part of why I ended up having a lot of health issues.
2
SPEAKER_00
Because if you think about it, I was grinding at Quest.
2
SPEAKER_00
I never gave myself any self-care.
2
SPEAKER_00
It was like my auntie, I remember, this is heartbreaking, I remember, I was in the middle of work, my auntie in Cyprus, going to a massive, she was walking in the street and a car hit her and pinned her against these barriers.
2
SPEAKER_00
 And I remember my dad calling me and me being on the phone and I was talking with him and I was like, well, I can't go to Cyprus.
2
SPEAKER_00
I've got business to run.
2
SPEAKER_00
Keep me updated, Dad, but I can't.
2
SPEAKER_00
And it's like, no, are you kidding?
2
SPEAKER_00
I would drop everything if someone needed me.
2
SPEAKER_00
So things like that, where you just make these small decisions where you're like, well, it's all the way there in a way, what can I really do?
2
SPEAKER_00
And then I go back to work.
2
SPEAKER_00
 I didn't actually let the emotion of what had happened to my aunts and kin, I didn't let any of that.
2
SPEAKER_00
And so I've kind of trying to unwind all the behavior that I've done in order to see how I can use it in the future.
2
SPEAKER_00
And what's interesting is because I'm so used to, I said earlier about music, I'm so used to knowing how to get hard and how to like get on.
2
SPEAKER_00
When on that day when my dog died the next day,
2
SPEAKER_00
 I actually realized I had to let it out.
2
SPEAKER_00
Even if I wasn't feeling it, I had to let it out.
2
SPEAKER_00
And so I was like, what can I do to let it out?
2
SPEAKER_01
Because you've never really done it before.
2
SPEAKER_01
You didn't know how to.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I actually put on a song that I knew was going to break my heart.
2
SPEAKER_01
Which one was this?
2
SPEAKER_00
It was a very recent one, which is weird because I'd only just heard it.
2
SPEAKER_01
A newer song, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
It's the Jennifer Lopez song, On My Way To You, or whatever.
2
SPEAKER_00
OK.
2
SPEAKER_00
 God, even now I could get actually a little emotional because I was listening to that song as we were in the car on the way to the vet.
2
SPEAKER_00
So we get a call at one in the morning, hey, we don't know if he's going to make it.
2
SPEAKER_00
You've got to get your ass here.
2
SPEAKER_00
And we jump in the car.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then the next day I heard that song.
2
SPEAKER_00
And it's basically, I'm on my way to you.
2
SPEAKER_00
It's like, even talking about it, I'm getting emotional.
2
SPEAKER_00
 If I put that song on, like I did it deliberately.
2
SPEAKER_00
I put it on repeat.
2
SPEAKER_00
I wanted the tears to come.
2
SPEAKER_00
I wanted the floodgates open on purpose.
2
SPEAKER_00
And so that's like kind of going back to what I'd said earlier.
2
SPEAKER_00
I try to be deliberate about what I'm trying to achieve in order to allow the emotion to come so I can really just feel it.
2
SPEAKER_00
Whether it's, hey, I want to be freaking bad right now.
2
SPEAKER_00
And how the hell do I get on stage and be bad?
2
SPEAKER_00
And right now,
2
SPEAKER_00
 I need to let this out.
2
SPEAKER_00
How do I do that?
2
SPEAKER_00
What do I do?
2
SPEAKER_00
I can't like my most intimate like soft pajamas.
2
SPEAKER_00
I had a photo of him next to me.
2
SPEAKER_00
I had his blanket.
2
SPEAKER_00
And so literally like I was smelling his blanket, putting that song on and wanting to cry.
2
SPEAKER_01
 I can relate to the music being an opener for you.
2
SPEAKER_01
My father passed two months ago, and for the first few weeks afterwards, I was just listening to music.
2
SPEAKER_01
There'd be songs, like an Andre Bocelli song would play, even now, and it gets me very emotional, to the point where I need to turn the song off, because it'll take me down
2
SPEAKER_01
 a grieving path for a period of time.
2
SPEAKER_01
So if I'm at night and it's at a home and I can do it, then that's great.
2
SPEAKER_01
But if it's in the middle of the day, I'm like, I have to block it at some points to stay focused on something.
2
SPEAKER_01
But it's a journey.
2
SPEAKER_01
But I'm so proud of you for allowing yourself the process of healing.
2
SPEAKER_01
It's a journey.
2
SPEAKER_01
And for me, it's a journey as well.
2
SPEAKER_01
But I think allowing yourself to cry or just feel the emotions, how you want to feel them, and let that out of you.
2
SPEAKER_01
 Because whatever is inside of you stays trapped there and might affect you physically.
2
SPEAKER_01
So I think that's a really healthy thing.
2
SPEAKER_01
You're allowing yourself the ritual of processing.
2
SPEAKER_01
Because I truly believe the body keeps score.
2
SPEAKER_01
From the book, the body keeps the score.
2
SPEAKER_01
So if we're not able to process in healthy ways, then it's gonna block us up in certain ways.
2
SPEAKER_00
 Yeah, it was so weird and so freaking heartbreaking and something new that I'm working on.
2
SPEAKER_01
Because I know you're extremely mentally tough, right?
2
SPEAKER_01
You and Tom talk about mindset all the time.
2
SPEAKER_01
This is a part of the pillar of your values and foundation and growth mindset.
2
SPEAKER_01
 Have you processed or thought about the power of emotional agility and that value for yourself?
2
SPEAKER_01
And have you looked into that?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
That's really why I knew that this wasn't healthy.
2
SPEAKER_00
Even if it was like, well, why does it matter, Lisa?
2
SPEAKER_00
Why does it matter that you don't cry?
2
SPEAKER_00
Because I know it doesn't actually help what I'm trying to do on impact and relatability and understanding and empathy, all of that.
2
SPEAKER_00
I recognize it.
2
SPEAKER_01
 Are you doing any more coaching or getting other support for this?
2
SPEAKER_00
No, it's interesting because I have like a process that I do and it's very internal.
2
SPEAKER_00
It's very like, I almost don't want other people to give me advice.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like I almost like don't, because it becomes overwhelming.
2
SPEAKER_00
And so for me, I often go, be at peace with yourself and just listen to your own mind and be like, okay, well, why doesn't this sit well?
2
SPEAKER_00
 What can you do?
2
SPEAKER_00
So I'm going through these last two weeks of embracing my emotions up and down and not knowing.
2
SPEAKER_00
I was walking up the stairs the other day, literally, and something happened.
2
SPEAKER_00
And all of a sudden, I got this wave.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don't know if you know how that feels, obviously, with your dad, that wave.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I was walking up the stairs, and I got this wave of just freaking grief.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, and I literally had to take a deep breath, and I had to put my hand on my heart and just be like, what's happening to me right now?
2
SPEAKER_00
 Like it's okay like even now I'm getting emotional because it's like that feeling of like and see I would never do this I would never get emotional if I hadn't done all this work and So right now you see me in the real time being able to evolve and go wow just putting my hand on my heart And reminding me that it's okay like to be able to take that gasp of air where you can't believe You know that you can't breathe It's okay.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah
2
SPEAKER_01
 It's beautiful.
2
SPEAKER_01
I think another thing, you know, someone we both admire, Sarah Blakely, I've seen her be vulnerable and cry and open up, you know, in different settings.
2
SPEAKER_01
And it's like, you can be a powerful woman and build something very meaningful and impactful and also be emotionally, you know, agile, I say, and allow yourself to process.
2
SPEAKER_01
So not saying you need to cry all the time or anything like that, but it's, I think it's powerful to be aware of it and be on that healing journey.
2
SPEAKER_01
So,
2
SPEAKER_00
 I mean, it's like your book, the last one you wrote, it's so amazing.
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, it's going to the point that, you know, you have to always be tough and you always say, you know, people expect this of you, but what about the beauty that is emotion within a man?
2
SPEAKER_00
You know, and then how do we embrace the two?
2
SPEAKER_00
And so for me, it's the same, right?
2
SPEAKER_00
It's that like,
2
SPEAKER_00
 I've trained myself to be mentally strong for so long that I have to give myself the permission to be this soft, beautiful, warm-hearted person and be able to be a freaking beast and crush it at work and have these dualities.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I think growing up for both of us, it was like we weren't allowed the space to have the dualities.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it was just one.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
 I'm glad you're on the journey.
2
SPEAKER_00
It's beautiful.
2
SPEAKER_00
It's beautiful.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I think that makes someone even more unique in the world.
2
SPEAKER_01
You know, Matthew Hussey talks about this in terms of relationship, where he's coaching women saying, you know, it's the person who's also smart and a little edgy, who's vulnerable and can be tough.
2
SPEAKER_01
It's not when you're vulnerable all the time or tough all the time.
2
SPEAKER_01
 where someone creates long-term amazing attraction or abundance, it's like having the duality.
2
SPEAKER_01
I think you talked about it in your show as well, so I'm so happy you're doing that.
2
SPEAKER_01
This is a question I ask everyone towards the end.
2
SPEAKER_01
It's called the three truths.
2
SPEAKER_01
So I'd like you to imagine a hypothetical scenario.
2
SPEAKER_01
It's your last day on Earth many years away from now.
2
SPEAKER_01
You get to accomplish everything you wanna accomplish, but you've lived a happy, healthy life.
2
SPEAKER_01
And for whatever reason, everything you've created's gotta go with you or to another place.
2
SPEAKER_01
So no one has access to your,
2
SPEAKER_01
 book, movies, work, content anymore, but you get to leave behind three things you know to be true, three lessons.
2
SPEAKER_01
What do you feel like your future self would leave behind as those three truths?
2
SPEAKER_00
Confidence isn't the start to something.
2
SPEAKER_00
Confidence is the result of something.
2
SPEAKER_00
Number two, failure is the most amazing opportunity and if you don't respect yourself then no one else will.
2
SPEAKER_00
 I don't actually know where that last one came from.
2
SPEAKER_00
That was actually a surprise to me, too.
2
SPEAKER_01
That's good.
2
SPEAKER_01
I believe that.
2
SPEAKER_01
If you don't have self-love, self-respect, then people are going to walk all over you.
2
SPEAKER_01
It's a powerful book.
2
SPEAKER_01
I'm really excited about this.
2
SPEAKER_01
Radical Confidence, 10 No BS Lessons on Becoming the Hero of Your Own Life.
2
SPEAKER_01
 A lot of inspiring people have endorsed this.
2
SPEAKER_01
I've gone through it.
2
SPEAKER_01
I love the content, love the practical tips at the end of the chapters, really inspiring stories about your lessons of things you've talked about here, building quests, other things behind the scenes, which I think is really cool, and where you're at now.
2
SPEAKER_01
So make sure you guys pick up a copy or two, give them to a few friends as well.
2
SPEAKER_01
Women of Impact.
2
SPEAKER_01
 Powerful channel on YouTube, your Instagram, your social media is really inspiring, powerful.
2
SPEAKER_01
People can follow you there, lots of great content.
2
SPEAKER_01
Radicalconfidence.com for this.
2
SPEAKER_01
So you guys can go here or Lisa Billiou on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook as well.
2
SPEAKER_01
How else can we be of support to you right now?
2
SPEAKER_00
 I think it really is just, I'm all about value add.
2
SPEAKER_00
So if the book brought value, if this interview brought value, share, tag, like that's really the biggest thing is that I just always think that none of us can create global impact alone, ever.
2
SPEAKER_00
And so I'm always like, what's my thing?
2
SPEAKER_00
So my thing is if I can throw a pebble in the water and then it becomes this ripple that eventually creates a tsunami,
2
SPEAKER_00
 my job is done.
2
SPEAKER_00
So if I think of the book, my content as being the pebble, and if other people can go out and create those ripples, that would be so meaningful.
2
SPEAKER_01
I love that, I love that.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well Lisa, I wanna acknowledge you for a moment for your journey.
2
SPEAKER_01
I think it's inspiring to see someone who set out on their life with a certain path.
2
SPEAKER_01
 and continues to evolve that path.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I acknowledge you for learning to love yourself and not shame yourself and not hold yourself back for shifting and evolving and innovating yourself from what you thought you were supposed to be to society's standards or maybe family's pressures or even husband's pressures and evolving to going from that scale of a one to a 10 from a one to where you are now, which seems like it's a lot higher and I'm assuming will always be evolving.
2
SPEAKER_01
So I really acknowledge you for
2
SPEAKER_01
 Leading by example By talking about how you know, you don't just become confident when you when you have a result It's the the competence of the act of failure building yourself up where confidence comes from So I think it's really inspiring that you're sharing this that you've been building everything you've been building and I'm so happy for you
2
SPEAKER_01
 I'm so grateful for you.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_00
Thank you for motivating me as well.
2
SPEAKER_00
You and just all of our friends, you know, like my first time writing a book.
2
SPEAKER_00
And so having people to support you, like, yes, it's so freaking meaningful.
2
SPEAKER_00
And you always said, Lewis, like, you got a book, you can come on.
2
SPEAKER_00
 I'm coming on Lewis Howes.
2
SPEAKER_00
I have a book.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yes, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, you asked to come on, I think it was a year and a half ago or two years ago.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
And it didn't feel like it was the right timing.
2
SPEAKER_01
I want to be like, you know, when you have your book, let's do something so there's a moment so we can make a bigger impact with that message.
2
SPEAKER_00
 Can we take a minute to talk about this?
2
SPEAKER_00
It's so powerful.
2
SPEAKER_00
So like, as a friend, you motivated me.
2
SPEAKER_00
And it's like, when people say no, it doesn't mean it's a reflection of how bad you are.
2
SPEAKER_00
Or maybe sometimes it is a reflection of how bad.
2
SPEAKER_00
Great, I can get better.
2
SPEAKER_00
And that's the thing is that,
2
SPEAKER_00
 How do I bring value to your audience?
2
SPEAKER_00
If I'm not there yet, Lewis, I wouldn't want you to have me on.
2
SPEAKER_00
I like the motivation of, oh, how do I get so good that I've got to be on Lewis's show?
2
SPEAKER_00
Like, that's about me.
2
SPEAKER_00
That's not a you thing.
2
SPEAKER_00
How do I get so good?
2
SPEAKER_00
One of my favorite phrases, Steve Martin of The Comedian, be so good they cannot ignore you.
2
SPEAKER_00
 And it's the most empowering thing ever.
2
SPEAKER_00
And so for you, I've seen the guests you've brought on, you are an incredible human.
2
SPEAKER_00
And so to motivate me to be like, you got a break, you can come on, like it has to be the right time.
2
SPEAKER_00
It was a blessing.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I want people to really hear that because in moments where you reach out to somebody, so first of all, have the courage to reach out.
2
SPEAKER_00
Because if you don't, if you don't ask, the answer will always be no.
2
SPEAKER_00
 So now, if you do ask, and you get a no, ask yourself, is it a me thing?
2
SPEAKER_00
Is it a them thing?
2
SPEAKER_00
Or is it a not yet thing?
2
SPEAKER_00
Right.
2
SPEAKER_00
Because here's the thing, I just may never be right for your show and your audience.
2
SPEAKER_00
 Okay, well no matter how good I get, if I'm not right, I'm not right.
2
SPEAKER_00
Now I may take that as an insult to me, but it's actually not.
2
SPEAKER_00
So now look at what are the things, like is it a not yet?
2
SPEAKER_00
And so that was it, it's a not yet.
2
SPEAKER_00
Great, what do I have to do?
2
SPEAKER_00
What skill sets do I have to learn?
2
SPEAKER_00
What do I have to build?
2
SPEAKER_00
Because here's the thing, I don't want success given to me.
2
SPEAKER_00
 I don't want it given to me.
2
SPEAKER_00
And that's like why I said with the book, like if the book brings value, then share it.
2
SPEAKER_00
That's my thing.
2
SPEAKER_00
So it's like for me to be on here, for you to really think that I can bring value, that's a me thing.
2
SPEAKER_00
I've got to bring my eight game and I love that.
2
SPEAKER_00
So it was so powerful that you said that to me.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I want people to think of that, like moments like that.
2
SPEAKER_00
How can you not take it personally?
2
SPEAKER_00
How can you say their response is actually motivating to me?
2
SPEAKER_00
 You know, take our friend Jamie Kern Lima.
2
SPEAKER_00
How many no's did she get all along the way she was trying to start her makeup company?
2
SPEAKER_00
So many no's.
2
SPEAKER_00
If she had let a no stop her, she wouldn't have built a company worth $1.2 billion and she wouldn't have sold it to L'Oreal and she wouldn't have been the first female CEO in L'Oreal's history.
2
SPEAKER_00
If she took no as a reflection of her worth.
2
SPEAKER_00
 So that was my leaving part.
2
SPEAKER_00
Powerful.
2
SPEAKER_00
Do not take no.
2
SPEAKER_01
It's powerful.
2
SPEAKER_01
I think it's exciting.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I think we should always, if we want something bad enough, or not saying you want to diss, but if you want something in general life bad enough.
2
SPEAKER_00
I want to diss bad enough, Lewis.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, you're here, you're here.
2
SPEAKER_01
 But if you want something in life bad enough so you want to go whatever on the Today Show, the Today Show is not, you got to think about what does their audience want and are you at the level of where they want you to be to be able to promote someone like you or is the timing off or is it not the right season for them because they're in the news cycle of the war and they're not talking about something else.
2
SPEAKER_01
So can't take things personally, you just got to think how can I build myself better.
2
SPEAKER_01
 how can I improve or how can I grow and set myself up for the mission I'm on and then allow other people to talk about it when it's ready.
2
SPEAKER_01
So really excited for you, Radical Confidence.
2
SPEAKER_01
Make sure you guys pick up a few copies, share them with your friends.
2
SPEAKER_01
Leave some comments below if you're on YouTube right now.
2
SPEAKER_01
Tag Lisa when you're over on social media as well, of course, and follow her all over the place on social media.
2
SPEAKER_01
Final question for you, what's your definition of greatness?
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 saying I'm going to get somewhere and do something and then actually doing it.
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 So this question is very appropriate for me being here because I said, I'm gonna get on the Lewis Howe Show.
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He will say yes to me one day.
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He will say yes to me.
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I'm gonna be so great, he cannot ignore me.
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And here I am.
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So I think that the definition of greatness is saying you want something, asking yourself how am I gonna get it, and be willing to put in the work and practice.
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My favorite movie, Karate Kid, wax on, wax off, wax on, wax off, and just keep practicing until you get so good that you can't be ignored.
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 Mm, at least a billion.
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 I really love hearing feedback from you guys, so share a review over on Apple and let me know what part of this episode resonated with you the most.
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And if no one's told you lately, I want to remind you that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter.
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And now it's time to go out there and do something great.