0
SPEAKER_04
Get emotional with me, Radhi Devlukia, in my new podcast, A Really Good Cry.
0
SPEAKER_04
We re going to be talking with some of my best friends.
0
SPEAKER_03
I didn t know we were going to go there.
0
SPEAKER_04
people that I admire.
0
SPEAKER_04
When we say listen to your body, really tune in to what s going on.
0
SPEAKER_04
Authors of books that have changed my life.
0
SPEAKER_04
Now you re talking about sympathy, which is different than empathy.
0
SPEAKER_04
Never forget, it s okay to cry, as long as you make it a really good one.
0
SPEAKER_04
Listen to A Really Good Cry with Radhi Devlukia on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
0
SPEAKER_06
Something that makes me crazy is when people say, well, I had this career before, but it was a waste.
0
SPEAKER_06
And that s where the perspective shift comes, that it s not a waste, that everything you ve done has built you to where you are now.
0
SPEAKER_06
This is She Pivots, the podcast where we explore the inspiring pivots women have made and dig deeper into the personal reasons behind them.
0
SPEAKER_06
Join me, Emily Tish Sussman, every Wednesday on She Pivots.
0
SPEAKER_06
Listen to She Pivots on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
0
SPEAKER_03
Bring a little optimism into your life with The Bright Side, a new kind of daily podcast from Hello Sunshine, hosted by me, Danielle Robay.
0
SPEAKER_03
And me, Simone Boyce.
0
SPEAKER_05
Every weekday, we re bringing you conversations about culture, the latest trends, inspiration, and so much more.
0
SPEAKER_00
I am so excited about this podcast, The Bright Side.
0
SPEAKER_00
You guys are giving people a chance to shine a light on their lives, shine a light on a little advice that they want to share.
0
SPEAKER_01
Listen to The Bright Side on America s number one podcast network, iHeart.
0
SPEAKER_01
Open your free iHeart app and search The Bright Side.
0
SPEAKER_02
There s a lot of talk about mindfulness these days, which is fantastic.
0
SPEAKER_02
I mean, we all want to be more present and self-aware, more patient, less judgmental.
0
SPEAKER_02
We discuss all these themes on the podcast, but it s hard to actually be mindful in your day-to-day life.
0
SPEAKER_02
That s where Calm comes in.
0
SPEAKER_02
I ve been working with Calm for a few years now with the goal of making mindfulness fun and easy.
0
SPEAKER_02
Calm has all sorts of content to help you build positive habits, shift your self-talk, reframe your negative thoughts, and generally feel better in your daily life.
0
SPEAKER_02
So many incredible options from the most knowledgeable experts in the world along with renowned meditation teachers.
0
SPEAKER_02
You can also check out my 7-minute daily series to help you live more mindfully each and every day.
0
SPEAKER_02
Right now, listeners of On Purpose get 40% off a subscription to Calm Premium at calm.com forward slash J. That s C-A-L-M.com forward slash J-A-Y.
0
SPEAKER_02
For 40% off, calm your mind, change your life.
0
SPEAKER_02
How long you ve known someone does not define how deeply you know them.
0
SPEAKER_02
So often I find that the people who are closest are sometimes the most distant because they re scared or blocked by fear of judgment to share how they truly feel.
0
SPEAKER_02
The number one health and wellness podcast.
0
SPEAKER_05
Jay Shetty.
0
SPEAKER_05
Jay Shetty.
0
SPEAKER_05
The one, the only, Jay Shetty.
0
SPEAKER_02
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose.
0
SPEAKER_02
Welcome to On Purpose of 2024.
0
SPEAKER_02
I am so happy with the incredible listening, viewing, sharing insights that you re pouring into social media.
0
SPEAKER_02
And it s been phenomenal for me to see your response to our new branding, our new logo.
0
SPEAKER_02
I hope that you love it.
0
SPEAKER_02
We wanted to create something natural and organic that really brought to life what we uncover here, which is for each and every one of you who give me your precious time every week,
0
SPEAKER_02
to feel seen, heard and understood.
0
SPEAKER_02
Thank you so much for all the reviews on Apple and on Spotify.
0
SPEAKER_02
I read them regularly and they genuinely touch my heart and move my heart and I just want to say thank you.
0
SPEAKER_02
I appreciate you deeply.
0
SPEAKER_02
I have been spending the first couple of weeks at the ashram that I trained at during my time as a monk in India and it has been a beautiful time for me to go deeper
0
SPEAKER_02
for me to immerse, for me to truly absorb the energy that I want for the rest of the year to give to all of you, to share with all of you.
0
SPEAKER_02
I was here with Radhi, then she had to leave, I was here with some friends and it allowed me to make space in my mind and heart to have the reflections and the realizations that allow me to give through on purpose.
0
SPEAKER_02
And today I want to share with you and talk to you
0
SPEAKER_02
about the five types of relationships we need in our life and how to let go and make space for the ones that no longer serve us in 2024.
0
SPEAKER_02
Relationships are at the heart of our effectiveness, our performance, our habits, our conditioning, our trauma,
0
SPEAKER_02
And we often don t take an order of our relationships.
0
SPEAKER_02
We don t often think about them deeply.
0
SPEAKER_02
Or if we do, we do so in a crisis.
0
SPEAKER_02
We wait for something to go completely wrong.
0
SPEAKER_02
to think about how to improve our relationships.
0
SPEAKER_02
This podcast is for you if you want your relationships in 2024 to uplift you and you want to uplift others.
0
SPEAKER_02
If you want your relationships to be ones that bring you energy, not drain you energy, this podcast is for you.
0
SPEAKER_02
So share this with someone who s also been trying to create community, someone who s been trying to figure out ways of building deeper bonds and deeper relationships.
0
SPEAKER_02
If you want to go beyond the shallow
0
SPEAKER_02
This is the episode for you.
0
SPEAKER_02
Now I m going to break this down as the five types of relationships we need.
0
SPEAKER_02
The first one is belonging.
0
SPEAKER_02
We need to feel a sense of connectedness to others and a sense of belonging that we re a part of a group, that we re not alone, that we re part of a community.
0
SPEAKER_02
And I think this is true for all of us, right?
0
SPEAKER_02
We really crave being a part of a group of people who make us realize that we have similar challenges, similar problems.
0
SPEAKER_02
We re going through similar things in our lives.
0
SPEAKER_02
We feel a sense of,
0
SPEAKER_02
the ability to focus on the fact that we re not the exception, but we are having a similar life experience to others and that s hope-giving for us.
0
SPEAKER_02
There s a study that shares that when humans feel they belong, it tends to create inner harmony and balance.
0
SPEAKER_02
Research has shown that feeling part of a group can lead to better mental and physical health.
0
SPEAKER_02
For instance, individuals who feel a sense of belonging experience fewer negative emotions such as sadness, loneliness, anger, and grief.
0
SPEAKER_02
And I m sure we re all listening to that saying, Jay, I want that.
0
SPEAKER_02
And I think we often think of like, I need friends and I want people around me, but
0
SPEAKER_02
The word belonging is a really interesting word because we don t often use it, right?
0
SPEAKER_02
We don t often say, I really wish I had a sense of belonging.
0
SPEAKER_02
Or maybe you do and you re already getting it right.
0
SPEAKER_02
But when you look at the definition of the word belonging, it often refers to to be a member of a group or organization and to have a right or usual place.
0
SPEAKER_02
And what I like about the idea of being a member is that we can practically think about it.
0
SPEAKER_02
What communities are we a member of?
0
SPEAKER_02
What organization or group do we subscribe to?
0
SPEAKER_02
Do we have a sense of identity that comes from our belonging?
0
SPEAKER_02
And it s really that identity part that makes the difference.
0
SPEAKER_02
Do we feel that part of identity is inspired by a group of thinking?
0
SPEAKER_02
I really want you to focus in 2024 on recognizing what groups, what communities do you need to invest more in?
0
SPEAKER_02
Is it groups and communities that exist out there?
0
SPEAKER_02
Is it a group and community you need to build?
0
SPEAKER_02
I want to give you an example, and I think this may resonate with many of you.
0
SPEAKER_02
I have been a part of several groups since I was young and recently I was thinking about a lot of my male friends and when I ve had one-to-one conversations or I ve spoken to other men in my community, I often am exposed to their
0
SPEAKER_02
challenges and issues.
0
SPEAKER_02
And I notice that as a group, we may be struggling to heal, that there are certain traumas individually that are now being experienced collectively.
0
SPEAKER_02
But there has been a nostalgic, historic friendship, but it hasn t translated into an intimacy and trust.
0
SPEAKER_02
Now, there s the trust of, hey, we can do things together, we can build things together, but there isn t the trust of, I need to look at some of the things that are broken within me.
0
SPEAKER_02
There s the focus of, we want to build outside of ourselves, but we don t want to build what s broken inside of ourselves.
0
SPEAKER_02
There s the energy of, let s go and do things and create things together.
0
SPEAKER_02
But there isn t a sense of, I need to spend some time becoming and being.
0
SPEAKER_02
And so I was thinking about this.
0
SPEAKER_02
One of the things that I want
1
SPEAKER_00
to do to create belonging is I want to create a men s group with some of my friends that I grew up with, and I want to invite therapists and coaches and guides and teachers to come in and facilitate sessions for us, not only so that we can do our own healing, but so that we can deepen our relationships with each other.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s normal.
1
SPEAKER_00
It doesn t matter how long you ve known someone.
1
SPEAKER_00
How long you ve known someone
1
SPEAKER_00
does not define how deeply you know them.
1
SPEAKER_00
You may know their mannerisms, you may know their reactions, but the depth of their heart.
1
SPEAKER_00
So often I find that the people who are closest are sometimes the most distant
1
SPEAKER_00
because they re scared or blocked by fear of judgment to share how they truly feel.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I m sure you can relate to that, that you want to share something with your friend, but you know you can t because you re scared of the shame, the guilt, the potential judgment.
1
SPEAKER_00
And it s not that you think that person thinks wrong of you, but there s a part of you that judges yourself.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so to me, I really believe that I always want to live by Gandhi s words of being the change I want to see in the world.
1
SPEAKER_00
and creating an environment where me and my male friends can have a safe space to feel secure, to open up, to share our challenges in a place that isn t based on judgment.
1
SPEAKER_00
If you share your heart and you feel judged, do you open or close up?
1
SPEAKER_00
If you share your heart and you feel judged, do you open up again?
1
SPEAKER_00
If you share your heart and the other person
1
SPEAKER_00
uses that information against you in the future, does it mean you ll have a relationship with them in the future?
1
SPEAKER_00
So I want you to think about belonging as beyond like, oh, yeah, I go to that thing.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, yeah, I know that.
1
SPEAKER_00
Look for the real need in your group, the need in your community.
1
SPEAKER_00
What are people starving of?
1
SPEAKER_00
What are people unfulfilled by?
1
SPEAKER_00
And where is that coming from?
1
SPEAKER_00
And how can you introduce that sense of belonging?
1
SPEAKER_00
Belonging isn t just about hanging out and supporting the same football team, and that s an important part of it.
1
SPEAKER_00
But there s a greater depth to it that I think we re all searching for.
1
SPEAKER_00
Do you need to start that book club?
1
SPEAKER_00
Do you need to start that podcast club?
1
SPEAKER_00
What are you going to do to sit there and discuss this and say, hey, what are we going to start for our community?
1
SPEAKER_00
I shared with you what I want to do for mine.
1
SPEAKER_00
What are you going to do for yours?
1
SPEAKER_00
So there s a sense of belonging.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s a relationship that s really important in our lives.
1
SPEAKER_00
The next one is legacy.
1
SPEAKER_00
Now legacy often is something people think about like, what will happen when I, you know, die and I m no longer here and what will be my legacy?
1
SPEAKER_00
And really legacy is about feeling connected to something bigger.
1
SPEAKER_00
Do we have relationships that make us feel that we re all connected to something bigger?
1
SPEAKER_00
Belonging is we re all connected more deeply.
1
SPEAKER_00
We re all connected more deeper.
1
SPEAKER_00
But legacy is we re all connected to something bigger.
1
SPEAKER_00
Now, when I was in London at the start of the year, just before I came to India,
1
SPEAKER_00
I reached out to some of my friends and people who ve been incredible guests on the podcast.
1
SPEAKER_00
Some of them could come, some of them couldn t.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I organized a dinner in London
1
SPEAKER_00
where we sat down and we answered three questions.
1
SPEAKER_00
So these were people in the wellness space, people who I think are having an impact in the world, people who are transforming other people s lives through their skill sets and what they know.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I ll even share with you what I called it.
1
SPEAKER_00
I said, this is the message I sent to them.
1
SPEAKER_00
I said, community has been the most important pillar of my life.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m sure you ve experienced that too, especially communities that are dedicated to creating change, inspiring people, and helping others.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m grateful for the work you do in the world and thought it might be nice to be together with more purposeful people to celebrate growth, exchange ideas, and hopefully leave with new friends.
1
SPEAKER_00
I really hope you can make it. 
1
SPEAKER_00
And then it said the address and the time and all the rest of it.
1
SPEAKER_00
And what was really interesting for me is that a lot of these people aren t people that I ve spent that much time offline with.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m friendly with them but we re not friends yet the people i ve sat with on a podcast and had an exhilarating conversation but we don t have a deep offline relationship.
1
SPEAKER_00
So I set up this dinner, around 75% of the people could come because they re in town and some other people couldn t come.
1
SPEAKER_00
There were some people that you recognize and some other people that are discovering their voice and finding their way and building their platform.
1
SPEAKER_00
And everyone came for a dinner.
1
SPEAKER_00
And what was really, really beautiful about the dinner is we focused on three questions.
1
SPEAKER_00
And by the way, like I said, none of us had really had many deep offline conversations before.
1
SPEAKER_00
So three questions.
1
SPEAKER_00
The first question was, what has been your biggest personal or professional win of 2023?
1
SPEAKER_00
The second question was, what has been your biggest challenge personally or professionally of 2023?
1
SPEAKER_00
And the third question, how can the people at this table help you?
1
SPEAKER_00
What support can they offer you?
1
SPEAKER_00
I honestly was mind blown.
1
SPEAKER_00
I was completely in awe of this wonderful group of people who I believe are leaving an incredible legacy.
1
SPEAKER_00
In that room, I felt connected to something bigger because each one of those people has dedicated their life and work towards helping people physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
1
SPEAKER_00
And each person
1
SPEAKER_00
openly shared their flaws, their challenges, their mistakes, their roadblocks, things they were coming up against, and opened themselves up in front of a group of people that externally all have, of course, incredible lives, but there was so much trust in the room.
1
SPEAKER_00
Sometimes we go so insular with the belonging of our friends that we miss out on legacy relationships.
1
SPEAKER_00
Who in your life would you love to spend more time with because you think you share the same legacy, even if you don t have the same belonging?
1
SPEAKER_00
It may be someone from a different spiritual group, a different yoga class, a different fitness perspective, a different friend circle, but having just one dinner with them.
1
SPEAKER_00
And honestly, I was so happy I did it because I was going back and forth because I was worried.
1
SPEAKER_00
I was like, if I set this dinner up, is everyone going to think I have some agenda or there s something I want to promote?
1
SPEAKER_00
And because I wasn t, it wasn t about that.
1
SPEAKER_00
It was truly about deep relationships.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I m so glad I did it because I got so many responses saying, Jay, that was one of the best dinners I ve ever been to.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I m feeling so connected to that community now.
1
SPEAKER_00
And it s a legacy community.
1
SPEAKER_00
I know that each one of those people is inspiring me by the way they live.
1
SPEAKER_00
And again, like I said, these aren t the people I m seeing every week.
1
SPEAKER_00
They re not the people I m speaking to every day.
1
SPEAKER_00
But now we actually have a WhatsApp group to stay connected throughout the year, which I love.
1
SPEAKER_00
So connected is something bigger.
1
SPEAKER_02
The Therapy for Black Girls podcast is an NAACP and Webby Award winning podcast dedicated to all things mental health, personal development, and all of the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves.
1
SPEAKER_02
Here, we have the conversations that help Black women decipher how their paths inform who they are today and use that information to decide who they want to be moving forward.
1
SPEAKER_02
We chat about things like how to establish routines that center self-care, what burnout looks and feels like, and defining what aspects of our lives are making us happy and what parts are holding us back.
1
SPEAKER_02
I m your host, Dr. Joy Harden-Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I can t wait for you to join the conversation every Wednesday.
1
SPEAKER_02
Listen to the Therapy for Black Girls podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
1
SPEAKER_02
Take good care, and we ll see you there.
1
SPEAKER_01
Something that makes me crazy is when people say, well, I had this career before, but it was a waste.
1
SPEAKER_01
And that s where the perspective shift comes.
1
SPEAKER_01
That it s not a waste, that everything you ve done has built you to where you are now.
1
SPEAKER_01
This is She Pivots.
1
SPEAKER_01
the podcast where we explore the inspiring pivots women have made and dig deeper into the personal reasons behind them.
1
SPEAKER_01
Join me, Emily Tish Sussman, every Wednesday on She Pivots, as I sit down with inspiring women like Misty Copeland, Brooke Shields, Vanessa Hudgens, and so many more.
1
SPEAKER_01
We dive into how these women made their pivot and their mindset shifts that happened as a result.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s a podcast about women, their stories, and how their pivot became their success.
1
SPEAKER_01
Listen to She Pivots on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
1
SPEAKER_00
Get emotional with me, Radhi Devlukia, in my new podcast, A Really Good Cry.
1
SPEAKER_00
We re going to talk about and go through all the things that are sometimes difficult to process alone.
1
SPEAKER_00
We re going to go over how to regulate your emotions,
2
SPEAKER_01
emotions, diving deep into holistic personal development and just building your mindset to have a happier, healthier life.
2
SPEAKER_01
We re going to be talking with some of my best friends.
2
SPEAKER_00
I didn t know we were going to go there.
2
SPEAKER_01
People that I admire.
2
SPEAKER_01
When we say listen to your body, really tune in to what s going on.
2
SPEAKER_01
Authors of books that have changed my life.
2
SPEAKER_01
Now you re talking about sympathy, which is different than empathy, right?
2
SPEAKER_01
And basically have conversations that can help us get through this crazy thing we call life.
2
SPEAKER_01
I already believe in myself.
2
SPEAKER_01
I already see myself.
2
SPEAKER_01
And so when people give me an opportunity, I m just like,
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh great, you see me too!
2
SPEAKER_01
We ll laugh together, we ll cry together, and find a way through all of our emotions.
2
SPEAKER_01
Never forget, it s okay to cry, as long as you make it a really good one.
2
SPEAKER_01
Listen to A Really Good Cry with Radhi Devlukia on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
2
SPEAKER_00
The third one, independence.
2
SPEAKER_00
A relationship with ourself.
2
SPEAKER_00
Autonomy and personal usefulness.
2
SPEAKER_00
Our relationship with ourselves is a really important relationship in 2024.
2
SPEAKER_00
A sense of autonomy, a sense of feeling like I have value, I know what my use is.
2
SPEAKER_00
And the biggest question I would ask you to ask yourself or ask your friends is not what do I need to do in 2024, but who am I becoming in 2024?
2
SPEAKER_00
I find that we put so much effort into doing and thinking about what to do
2
SPEAKER_00
We re like, I want to do this thing, and I want to do that thing, and I want to do this thing.
2
SPEAKER_00
And all of a sudden, we re so lost in doing that we don t like who we re becoming.
2
SPEAKER_00
Or we start doing and we fail, and then we don t like who we re becoming.
2
SPEAKER_00
Who you want to become.
2
SPEAKER_00
is the most important question you ll ever answer.
2
SPEAKER_00
I want to become someone who uses all my skills, all my gifts, all my abilities in the service of others.
2
SPEAKER_00
I want to live an abundant life.
2
SPEAKER_00
I want to become an abundant person who wants to share whatever I receive
2
SPEAKER_00
with everyone I meet.
2
SPEAKER_00
That is the person I want to become.
2
SPEAKER_00
And for that, I want to be fully abundant.
2
SPEAKER_00
I want to be fully open.
2
SPEAKER_00
I want to be fully magnetic and attracting so that I can serve and share and give more.
2
SPEAKER_00
I want to be that person.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s who I m becoming.
2
SPEAKER_00
And if I think about that through, I want to do a podcast.
2
SPEAKER_00
I want to do a book.
2
SPEAKER_00
I want to do this.
2
SPEAKER_00
Then we get so lost in the doing that we often lose the drive or lose the impetus
2
SPEAKER_00
from where that first came.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I m always reminding myself who I m becoming.
2
SPEAKER_00
Because if I like who I m becoming, I m going to keep going.
2
SPEAKER_00
But if I don t like who I m becoming, that s when I m going to allow stress, anxiety, depression to rule me.
2
SPEAKER_00
Because if I don t like who I m becoming, that s what s making me feel discouraged.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I want you to ask yourself,
2
SPEAKER_00
Who do you want to become?
2
SPEAKER_00
Who are you becoming?
2
SPEAKER_00
And what is that independent, autonomous path that you re building and trying to take because you know that that s going to lead to your highest self?
2
SPEAKER_00
What is that independent desire that you have of who you want to become?
2
SPEAKER_00
Often we re being and becoming everything that everyone wants us to become.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m sure you ve experienced that.
2
SPEAKER_00
You have to be disciplined for your kids.
2
SPEAKER_00
You have to be organized for your partner.
2
SPEAKER_00
You have to be all these things for everyone else.
2
SPEAKER_00
You have to be focused for your boss.
2
SPEAKER_00
Who do you want to become?
2
SPEAKER_00
And how do you want to take that into work?
2
SPEAKER_00
Take that into your life, because guess what?
2
SPEAKER_00
If you re happy with who you re becoming, and then you re taking that energy into the workplace, I promise you, it will illuminate your world in a way that nothing else will.
2
SPEAKER_00
If you know who you want to become and you demonstrate and share and radiate that energy everywhere you go, you ll actually never be asked to be anything else.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s what I ve realized.
2
SPEAKER_00
We only get asked to become things that we don t want because we re not sharing the deepest parts of ourselves.
2
SPEAKER_00
If you don t share who you are, people will tell you who they want you to be.
2
SPEAKER_00
Let me say that again.
2
SPEAKER_00
I hope that hit.
2
SPEAKER_00
If you don t share who you are, people will expect you to be who they want you to be.
2
SPEAKER_00
Who are you becoming?
2
SPEAKER_00
Who are you growing into?
2
SPEAKER_00
I think we all want to feel a sense of autonomy, right?
2
SPEAKER_00
And we don t always get that at work.
2
SPEAKER_00
We don t get that autonomy sometimes.
2
SPEAKER_00
We are being micromanaged or whatever it may be.
2
SPEAKER_00
But the autonomy isn t what we do.
2
SPEAKER_00
The autonomy is in who we are and how we do it and why we do it.
2
SPEAKER_00
We get so wrapped up in I do, therefore I am.
2
SPEAKER_00
We get so wrapped up in that our occupation is our life, that our title defines us.
2
SPEAKER_00
When you say to someone, who are you?
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, I m a accountant.
2
SPEAKER_00
I graduated from this place.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m from this place.
2
SPEAKER_00
But who are you?
2
SPEAKER_00
And who are you becoming?
2
SPEAKER_00
Who are you becoming?
2
SPEAKER_00
The fourth type of relationship we need in 2024 is the safety relationships.
2
SPEAKER_00
This may actually only be one or two people.
2
SPEAKER_00
The people that bring stability and security into our life.
2
SPEAKER_00
Now, these people may not be the people that we belong with in a group.
2
SPEAKER_00
They may not be our legacy partners.
2
SPEAKER_00
They may not, of course, be the independents.
2
SPEAKER_00
They re the people that we feel the deepest and safest with.
2
SPEAKER_00
You only need one person in your life to do this with, and you want to invest in that one person in a deep way.
2
SPEAKER_00
There s some beautiful research that I ve read about on headheartbrain.com and it talked about how
2
SPEAKER_00
The researcher named Zach started out looking at morality and thought that oxytocin might be an element in morality.
2
SPEAKER_00
He focused on trust as a more tangible element to study.
2
SPEAKER_00
He and his colleagues carried out research to understand how the human brain determines when to trust someone and when not to trust someone.
2
SPEAKER_00
How many of you have dealt with this before, right?
2
SPEAKER_00
Participants took part in the trust game designed to study individuals  propensity to be trusting and to be trustworthy.
2
SPEAKER_00
In his experiments, participants  oxytocin levels were monitored throughout the study.
2
SPEAKER_00
The researchers found that when participants felt they were trusted, their brains responded by producing oxytocin.
2
SPEAKER_00
When participants were shown increased levels of trust, their brain produced even more oxytocin.
2
SPEAKER_00
Most significant, however, was the finding that the rise in oxytocin levels resulted in participants  behavior being more trustworthy.
2
SPEAKER_00
The researchers conclude that people who feel trusted become more trustworthy as a result of increased oxytocin levels in their brains.
2
SPEAKER_00
Zak calls this oxytocin the trust molecule.
2
SPEAKER_00
Now, he goes on to say there are differences in brain activity depending on whether people trust conditionally or unconditionally.
2
SPEAKER_00
If people trust each other based on certain conditions being met, like delivering a project on timekeeping or keeping commitments, the brain s reward centers activates.
2
SPEAKER_00
Unconditional trust activates the septal area.
2
SPEAKER_00
Some very recent study, he says, has found a darker side to oxytocin and one that leaders in HR need to be cognizant of.
2
SPEAKER_00
The research from Northwestern University in the USA found that it can increase emotional pain.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oxytocin seems to be the reason stressful social situations, like having a bullying boss or extreme stress in a team, have an impact long after they occur and can trigger fear and anxiety long past the event.
2
SPEAKER_00
This is because the hormone strengthens the social memory in a specific region of a brain.
2
SPEAKER_00
Now, the reason I m sharing that with you is this idea that we want to build trust, but trust is built over time.
2
SPEAKER_00
And trust is not only built over time, it s built over depth of experience.
2
SPEAKER_00
And the way I look at trust is do I know someone 360?
2
SPEAKER_00
Have I spent time with people in 360 degree varying situations?
2
SPEAKER_00
If I have not, then I don t really fully trust that person.
2
SPEAKER_00
So have I seen them happy?
2
SPEAKER_00
Have I seen them excited?
2
SPEAKER_00
Have I seen them stressed?
2
SPEAKER_00
Have I seen them angry?
2
SPEAKER_00
I can actually give you a list of emotions that will help you understand whether you fully trust someone.
2
SPEAKER_00
Now that doesn t mean you go make them angry to see if you trust them when they re angry, but the point is you re always building trust like little building blocks rather than this black and white idea of I trust you or I don t trust you.
2
SPEAKER_00
So you want to almost say, have I seen this person happy?
2
SPEAKER_00
Have I seen this person excited?
2
SPEAKER_00
Have I seen this person nervous?
2
SPEAKER_00
And it s not that you re deciding whether you trust them or not.
2
SPEAKER_00
You re actually creating what is known as specific trust.
2
SPEAKER_00
The idea of I trust you in this set of circumstances.
2
SPEAKER_00
And that s a healthier way to live because we don t feel let down.
2
SPEAKER_00
We don t feel undervalued.
2
SPEAKER_00
We don t feel misled or misguided by this person, but we actually feel elated by recognizing I know when to trust this person.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m aware of when to trust this person.
2
SPEAKER_00
I really want you to think about who are the people in your life
3
SPEAKER_01
and like I said you only need one or two of these people, that s your midnight friend.
3
SPEAKER_01
The friend you know you can call at midnight, connect with them, talk to each other, share your pains.
3
SPEAKER_01
The friend you can call at midnight and they will drive to you and turn up.
3
SPEAKER_01
The person you can call at midnight and share that and you don t abuse it and you don t abuse it with each other either.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I just want you
3
SPEAKER_01
to really reflect on which relationships you want to invest in more.
3
SPEAKER_01
I think we think about relationships just always being there.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I think about relationships as plants in a garden.
3
SPEAKER_01
If you don t water a certain relationship, it will die, it will wither, it will not have any flowers, it won t have any fruits.
3
SPEAKER_01
But if you re watering a part of your garden, it will grow, it will be lush, it will be abundant.
3
SPEAKER_01
So for you, what is that?
3
SPEAKER_01
Where is that?
3
SPEAKER_01
Who is that?
3
SPEAKER_01
And finally, we need relationships that are based on surrender and service.
3
SPEAKER_01
Who are we serving?
3
SPEAKER_01
Who are we taking care of?
3
SPEAKER_01
I remember in the monastery, we d always talk about this idea of 20% seniors, 20% juniors, and 60% peers.
3
SPEAKER_01
This idea that 20% of your time is serving senior people, 20% of your time is taking care of junior people, and 60% of your time is spent with your peers, sharing this energy.
3
SPEAKER_01
And so if you look at the five things that I ve shared,
3
SPEAKER_01
I ve tried to make it that way.
3
SPEAKER_01
The belonging may include you to guides and teachers who uplift you.
3
SPEAKER_01
The surrender may be that energy of where you re giving out.
3
SPEAKER_01
And then the legacy, the independence, and the safety is what you need.
3
SPEAKER_01
So you can notice how that 20-60-20 rule breaks down.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I want you to remember that.
3
SPEAKER_01
20-60-20.
3
SPEAKER_01
20% of your time with people who are guiding you.
3
SPEAKER_01
60% of your time with people who are peers with you, who you feel uplifted by and you uplift.
3
SPEAKER_01
And then 20% of time with people you re serving, people you re giving to.
3
SPEAKER_01
You always want to be a teacher and a student at the same time.
3
SPEAKER_01
It creates humility and it creates proactivity.
3
SPEAKER_01
20-60-20 rule.
3
SPEAKER_01
I want you to remember this rule when you re building your relationships.
3
SPEAKER_01
I actually want you to list who you see every week, who you see every month, and I want you to figure out who sits in which category.
3
SPEAKER_01
And whichever category you have a weakness in or a deficiency in, it s not about sitting there and going, oh, I don t have anyone in my life to guide me.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, I don t have anyone in my life to share.
3
SPEAKER_01
Go and find them.
3
SPEAKER_01
Go and build them.
3
SPEAKER_01
Go and create them.
3
SPEAKER_01
And if you were really following along well, this five-step motto spells bliss.
3
SPEAKER_01
Belonging, legacy, independence, safety, and surrender.
3
SPEAKER_01
In 2024, I want you to experience bliss.
3
SPEAKER_01
I want you to experience so much belonging.
3
SPEAKER_01
I want you to feel connected to a legacy.
3
SPEAKER_01
I want you to experience independence.
3
SPEAKER_01
I want you to have safety and security.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I want you to feel the benefits of surrender and service.
3
SPEAKER_01
Who are you helping?
3
SPEAKER_01
Who are you reaching out to?
3
SPEAKER_01
Our culture has become so much about no one reaches out to me, no one helps me.
3
SPEAKER_01
Who are we reaching out to?
3
SPEAKER_01
Who are we lending a helping hand to?
3
SPEAKER_01
I know you are.
3
SPEAKER_01
I know our community is made up of all of you who want to make an impact on the world.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I want you to keep discovering that.
3
SPEAKER_01
Thank you so much for listening to On Purpose.
3
SPEAKER_01
I hope this episode helps you deeply this year and transforms your relationships, knowing who to let go of and who to grow with.
3
SPEAKER_01
Sending you so much love with all my love and gratitude.
3
SPEAKER_01
Thank you for listening to On Purpose.
3
SPEAKER_01
Leave a review if you can, follow us on social media, share the episodes, and I can t wait for you to listen to your next episode.
3
SPEAKER_01
If you loved this episode, you ll really enjoy my episode with Selena Gomez on befriending your inner critic and how to speak to yourself with more compassion.
3
SPEAKER_00
My fears are only going to continue to show me what I m capable of.
3
SPEAKER_00
The more that I face my fears, the more that I feel I m gaining strength, I m gaining wisdom, and I just want to keep doing that.
3
SPEAKER_04
Hey, it s me, Blippi, and this is my best friend, Mika.
3
SPEAKER_04
Hi, I m Mika, and this is our brand new podcast, Blippi and Mika s Road Trip.
3
SPEAKER_04
The Blippi-mobile will take us to amazing places.
3
SPEAKER_04
And we ll meet new friends along the way.
3
SPEAKER_04
Listen to Blippi and Mika s Road Trip podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
3
SPEAKER_02
Hey, everybody, welcome to Across Generations, where the voices of Black women unite.
3
SPEAKER_02
I m your host, Tiffany Cross.
3
SPEAKER_02
Join me and be a part of sisterhood, friendship, wisdom, and laughter.
3
SPEAKER_02
We gather a seasoned elder, myself as the middle generation, and a vibrant young soul for engaging intergenerational conversations, prepare to engage or hear perspectives that literally no one else has had.
3
SPEAKER_02
Listen to Across Generations podcasts on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
3
SPEAKER_03
Imagine you asked two people the same seven questions.
3
SPEAKER_03
I m Minnie Driver, and this was the idea I set out to explore in my podcast, Minnie Questions.
3
SPEAKER_03
This year, we bring a whole new group of guests to answer the same seven questions, including Courtney Cox, Rob Delaney, Liz Phair, and many, many more.
3
SPEAKER_03
Join me on season three of Minnie Questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your favorite podcasts.
3
SPEAKER_03
Seven questions, limitless answers.