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Bring a little optimism into your life with The Bright Side, a new kind of daily podcast from Hello Sunshine, hosted by me, Danielle Robay.
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And me, Simone Boyce.
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Every weekday, we re bringing you conversations about culture, the latest trends, inspiration, and so much more.
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I am so excited about this podcast, The Bright Side.
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You guys are giving people a chance to shine a light on their lives, shine a light on a little advice that they want to share.
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Listen to The Bright Side on America s number one podcast network, iHeart.
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Open your free iHeart app and search The Bright Side.
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people that I admire.
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When we say listen to your body, really tune in to what s going on.
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Authors of books that have changed my life.
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Now you re talking about sympathy, which is different than empathy.
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Never forget, it s okay to cry, as long as you make it a really good one.
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Listen to A Really Good Cry with Radhi Devlukia on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
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Something that makes me crazy is when people say, well, I had this career before, but it was a waste.
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And that s where the perspective shift comes.
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That it s not a waste, that everything you ve done has built you to where you are now.
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This is She Pivots, the podcast where we explore the inspiring pivots women have made and dig deeper into the personal reasons behind them.
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Join me, Emily Tish Sussman, every Wednesday on She Pivots.
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Listen to She Pivots on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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We re still operating the same time construct as people did 50 years ago, 100 years ago, 200 years ago.
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That is insane.
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I have three eight-hour days in a day.
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I get 21 days in a week.
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Your identity isn t your career.
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It s not your identity.
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It s a very dangerous way to live your life.
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It s a hack to confidence nobody talks about.
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Jay, this is an all-time great conversation right now.
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Before we jump into this episode, I d like to invite you to join this community to hear more interviews that will help you become happier, healthier, and more healed.
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All I want you to do is click on the subscribe button.
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I love your support.
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It s incredible to see all your comments.
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And we re just getting started.
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I can t wait to go on this journey with you.
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Thank you so much for subscribing.
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It means the world to me.
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Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one place that you come to listen, learn, and grow.
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Today s guest is one of your favorites, someone that I love to sit down with, a dear friend of mine who we always seem to connect on a frequency and vibration level like no other.
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I know you re going to be excited because you ve been asking for him to come back on the show.
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Our guest today is Ed Maile.
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a highly successful entrepreneur who s blended his unique experiences with a diverse set of practical strategies that have made him one of the most sought-after inspirational speakers in the world today.
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Please welcome to the show, my dear friend, Ed Milad.
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I love you, brother.
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Great to be with you.
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I last saw you in Dubai when we were both speaking.
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So it s nice to be in on US territory.
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That was so fun.
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You were so kind because my car didn t show up at the airport.
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That s right.
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And me and Ed were speaking at the same event.
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We were staying at the same hotel because it was organized.
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And so I said to Ed, I was like, Ed, do you mind if I just sit in your car?
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And you were so kind.
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Let s be honest.
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I get to have a half an hour with Jay Shetty.
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Are you crazy?
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I m going to take that time anytime I can get it.
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I loved it, man.
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I was so glad we bumped into each other because I feel like every time we re together, our hearts just open up.
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Agreed.
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There s so much trust.
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There s so much love.
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So thank you for coming back.
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Like I said, the last episode we did together, Crushed, people loved it.
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Thank you.
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And I wanted to start with like, you know,
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And I know I m asking you this because I know you ll give me a genuine, honest answer, but Ed, you re so confident, you re so strong, you re powerful.
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But at the same time, I know that you are going for your own healing journey, your own struggles, your own challenges.
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Like what s, what have you been working on inside?
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Wow.
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What a great question.
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Thank you for that.
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I have to say I told you off camera, I don t if I don t say this, I won t feel right.
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You have the most unique combination of confidence and humility about anybody I ve ever met.
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Those are the people I love the most.
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I love being around confident people, but they have these high doses of humility, which keeps them
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humble.
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It causes them to still want to learn and grow.
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They don t think they know everything.
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Those people last the longest in business and in any endeavor.
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Same time, if somebody doesn t have a lot of confidence, you feel like you re carrying those folks, your friends, through life all the time.
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So in my case, you know I grew up as a son of an alcoholic.
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And I think to some extent, there s this wiring that happens when you re a child.
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And so some of the wiring I ve recently discovered, I had Bert Kreischer, the comedian on my podcast.
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And it sort of came out of me when he was there.
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Bert s a very well-known drinker.
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And it s almost a joke about how much that he drinks.
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And I asked him, I said, Bert,
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What kind of a husband or father do you think you are?
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And he said, I think I m a 10 out of 10.
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And I think he is.
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And I told him, I said, you know, I just discovered something about myself, brother.
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And it was that my dad s drinking.
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It wasn t just that I was worried, you know, is he going to get in a fight?
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Is he going to be mean?
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Are mom and dad going to have a disagreement?
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I said, what happened was I worried about my dad.
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Is he going to come home tonight?
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Is he safe?
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Is he in danger?
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And that wired into me as a little boy.
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the neurology, the pattern of worry and fear.
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And so as I ve gotten to be an older grown man, I ve uncovered that the last year or two.
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I have a pattern where I have a tendency, my emotional home, so to speak, as I go back to worry and fear.
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And I don t want to live that way.
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And so I ve been working on unwiring that.
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That s the thing I ve been working most on my healing journey is
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You know, it s okay, everything s going to be okay, I m blessed, I m favored.
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And it s undoing that wiring of worry and fear.
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Because we all have an emotional home.
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We all have three or four emotions that no matter what happens in a given week or month, we re going to get it.
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So if your emotional home is anger or worry or fear or frustration, no matter what the external conditions are, you re going to find a way to get your head of it.
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Because it s your home.
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Conversely, if your emotional home is peace or equanimity or bliss or ecstasy, passion, focus, you ll find a way on a regular basis to get that emotion that you re familiar with.
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Because we re wired for it in our bodies and in our minds to be familiar with those emotions.
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So I just chose.
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What are the emotions I want?
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Do I want to live in worry and fear?
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Even though my external life is so great, I still have a tendency to worry and live fearfully.
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Or how do I want to live?
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I want to live in peace.
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I want some equanimity.
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I want bliss in my life.
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And so I ve been rewiring that.
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And it s something I ve been really, really excited about and proud of that I ve done that work.
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At 50 years old, 52 now, it s been happening.
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Oh, well, I m so glad I asked that question already.
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I m like, because I think you re so right.
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I think everyone who s listening will be able to relate to what their wiring is from childhood.
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Where do we go?
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What s our emotional home as you just called it?
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Where do we disappear to?
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And it s really interesting because I always talk about my childhood similarly being quite chaotic and quite intense, but my mother s love was like this protective shield.
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You ve told me that.
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That really helped me.
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And now when I m listening to you, I m actually thinking, what I want, and I think what we re both trying to develop, is peace in the storm.
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Amen.
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It s equanimity in the imbalance.
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That s correct.
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Right?
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And in my case, not to create the storm all the time.
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No, no, no.
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No, but in all honesty, a few things I discovered a few years ago, I used to brag a lot.
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I am unbelievable under stress.
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I operate amazingly under chaos, which is true because I m so familiar with it.
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But what I found out about myself was, to some extent, I created a lot of it.
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In other words, I wasn t comfortable in my life.
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Maybe people can relate to this if they really take a look at themselves.
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I wasn t comfortable when things weren t a little bit chaotic.
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Because in life, we move towards really what we re most familiar with.
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We keep moving back to the familiar.
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That s why some people will date the completely same person in a different body.
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You and I have talked about with your amazing work, right?
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Because we move towards what we re familiar with.
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So I had a tendency in my life to create a lot of stress and chaos because I operated so well in it, it was a familiar state to be in, even though it didn t serve me.
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And so a lot of that work I ve done in healing and digging deep in my life, it served me not just in healing, it s made me a better businessman.
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It s made me a better father, in often cases, a better friend, because I m not constantly creating this stress and chaos around the people that I love the most.
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How do you stop creating stress and drama?
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And why do we do it, and how do we do it?
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We do it because we re familiar, and we wire these things in our bodies.
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And so this is really technical stuff, but I anchor the good states.
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And so what happened was is that usually where wiring happens is in a highly emotional state.
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We anchor it in our bodies physically.
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That s what we do.
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And so the way out of that is to begin to anchor the great states.
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So I take advantage of great states.
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So for example, just a few weeks ago, my daughter was home from college, and we took a walk on the beach.
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And it was just this blissful experience.
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It was me and one of the people I love the most in the world.
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And I m feeling this great peace and love from my daughter as we re walking, and I anchored it.
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I literally anchored it in my body.
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I literally snapped my fingers as I went, and I anchored that state.
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Or when I m walking on stage, I m about to have to speak, and that adrenaline hits me, and that euphoria, the spirit, the energy hits me.
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I ll anchor that state physically.
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happens is I m rewiring myself physically.
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For example, like I pray on my knees every night.
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And so I ve been doing that for a number of years.
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I feel great peace when I pray.
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What s ironic about it is not only is the prayer now peaceful, but the actual physical move of getting on my knees triggers that state.
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So this is a very detailed answer, but I ve rewired.
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So I ve rewired.
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So everybody, when you re in that blissful state, if anyone s ever heard a song from a different time and it just triggers a state, it s not the words and the music, it s what was going on in that moment.
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You ve anchored it in your body.
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So when I m in a good state, a great state, I take advantage of it.
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I don t let it pass.
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I anchor it in my body and I ve sort of rewired myself so that
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When these ones that I don t want come along, I have a neurology I can change out of that move and do something physical.
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And it s simple.
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It s not complicated.
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It could be tugging your ear, feeling something on your shirt, something you do on your knees.
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So I ve created triggers in my life that put me back in that state.
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And over time, that s become my wiring now.
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not the old one.
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This is more familiar to me than the old one.
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Tendency now is to move towards the familiar state of bliss, of joy.
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I d say 75-80% of the time now that s where I live, whereas before 95% of the time I lived the other way.
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I love that advice and please be as technical and as detailed as you like because you spark so much for me.
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I was thinking that
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actually the truth is everyone already has subconscious anchors that we re not choosing.
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And so an example is when I m working with a client, often they ll say to me, the moment their head hits the pillow, all of their anxiety goes crazy.
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What is that?
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It s an anchored
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It s actually your head hitting the pillow.
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Exactly.
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That s exactly right.
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That motion is creating a sense of breathlessness, maybe tight chestedness, mental anxiety, and until you retrain that act of I m going to let my head hit the pillow, I m going to experience peace, maybe I m going to play a sound, maybe I m going to feel a certain temperature, maybe I need to do some breath work, like until you re-anchor that state like you re saying,
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Your head hitting the pillow will never change no matter what you do.
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No matter what you do.
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As long as the external conditions of your life continually dictate how you feel, you re an out of control human being.
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So at some point, you have to do things internally that change how you feel.
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Because the quality of our life, you know this, is the quality of our emotions.
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That s the caliber of our life.
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So I remember a long time ago, I ll tell you a quick story.
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Please.
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I had not made a money for a long time as a businessman.
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I finally make some money, finally, right?
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But my emotional home was fear.
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And by the way, the other side, oftentimes, of fear can manifest itself as anger.
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It shows up as anger.
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But when you see an angry person, you re seeing a scared person.
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And so I was a worrier and a fearful person.
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Anyway, I was building my first dream home.
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And on the way over there, an appointment had canceled or something.
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And I was, and then the contractor had messed something up.
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We ve all had that moment.
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And I walk into this mansion I m building.
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And I m mad.
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And I m stressed.
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And I m angry.
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And where s the contractor?
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And I look into the kitchen.
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And there s five men.
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There are five or six men in there.
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All men had come from Mexico.
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And these men had left their families.
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And the reason they had come there was to send money home to their families and work.
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And they re in there.
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And they were doing work they loved that they were great at, working on my mansion.
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And I watched them for a minute.
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I stood and watched them.
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And they had their mariachi music playing.
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And they were laughing and joking.
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and blissful, and also doing work they cared about, that mattered, that they were great at.
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And in that moment, I stepped back, and I almost, out of my body, I went, if life is the quality of your emotions, they re kicking my tail.
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They re winning at life, and I m losing.
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I have all these things to be grateful for around me, but my home that I keep going back to is fear, anger, and worry.
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These guys who had to leave their families to come to another country just to support them, imagine how difficult their life was there.
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They had to leave their country and their children to come here to work to support their families.
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And they re joyous and blissful and doing work that matters to them and that they re great at.
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And so I decided it s not, you don t want the mansion.
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You want how you think it ll make you feel.
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You don t want the relationship.
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You want how you think it ll make you feel.
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You don t want to be fit and sexy and jacked.
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You want how you think it ll make you feel.
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So what if I could get the emotions, if I could have these emotions, maybe getting the things I want would be that much easier.
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And so I focus now, everyone has goals of their physical things they want.
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But for me, a lot of my outcomes now are emotionally driven, because I think if I m in the right emotional state, I can produce the physical things I want.
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Yeah.
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You make better decisions.
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That s right.
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You re more clear.
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Yes.
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Your vision makes sense.
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I completely agree with you.
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It s like, and, and I think a lot of us feel like the more we do, the more we take on, the more amount of things we do, the more likely we re going to be successful.
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And I wanted to talk to you about this in terms of your schedule.
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Cause I know that that s like.
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You and I have talked about this privately.
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Yeah.
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Like walk me through your schedule.
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What does it look like right now?
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It s busy, but I have learned, you and I just were talking about this, I have learned to say no.
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And I ve learned, this is just recent, I am a people pleaser.
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And so a lot of times, because I have a deep voice and maybe I look a particular way, you wouldn t know that inside as this person, I just want to please people and make them happy because of my childhood.
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If my dad was in a good mood, maybe he wouldn t drink that day.
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If I brought home an A on my report card, then he d show me love.
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So I conflated in my life, brother,
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love with significance.
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And I thought when I would do something significant, it felt like love.
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But they re two different things.
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Most people are that way as well.
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If I can just perform, if I can just do something, people will love me.
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So I ve changed that.
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And in my schedule, so I have learned to do things that I love, that make me feel good, that contribute.
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My schedule is busy, though.
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I mean, I m up very early in the morning most mornings.
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I ve got a routine that I do.
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I travel quite a bit, just like you do.
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But what I ve really learned to do is to choose things in my life that both are productive, but that also give me a sense of contribution and joy, not just productive anymore.
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So I ve said no to things recently.
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There s a TV show that I m doing right now.
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Another one came up, and I ve always really wanted to do this particular show.
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It doesn t serve my current dream.
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So what I do is I check in and I ask myself, I audit, is that still my dream?
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Is that still what I want?
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There s this great clip on social media going around right now with Jim Carrey.
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I don t know if you ve seen this, but I ve watched it and I ve sent it to so many of our friends.
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I thought I sent it to you.
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Maybe I didn t.
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And he says something in this clip.
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I ll paraphrase it.
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I ll mess it up.
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But he basically says in this clip, he says, I m going to say something you ve never heard an actor say before.
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And the interviewer says, what s that?
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And Kerry says, I ve had enough.
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I ve done enough.
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I ve made enough movies.
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I ve had enough success.
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I ve won enough awards.
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And now I want to just do things that bring me peace and joy.
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That s a courageous choice in life.
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And so what he did is he audited, is this still my dream?
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And I think a lot of times in life, we just have this dream that was given to us by our parents or our friends, or there s an expectation.
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And we re chasing a dream that was maybe never ours or no longer is.
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And so now I really audit that.
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I audit the fact of whether or not this is something that is still my dream.
1
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Is it consistent with where I want to go now?
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But I m busy.
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I m 12, 14 hours a day.
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So my physiology matters.
1
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My hydration matters.
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My Juni water matters.
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All these things matter to me in my life so that I m feeding my soul and my spirit so that I am my best when I come do a show like this today.
1
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If anyone doesn t know, Ed was just on stage with our good friend, Brendon Burchard, in LA.
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That s right.
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Came straight into the studio.
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Straight here.
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That s right.
1
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And you re always this energy.
1
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You have the ability.
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I think I talk a lot about the difference between time management and energy management.
1
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And you re someone that, whenever I m with you, you re always highly energetic.
1
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So are you.
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You re always, you know, there s that, I feel that, I feel your spirit coming through your self.
1
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Well, I m conscious, Jade, like you are, I m conscious of something I think most people are oblivious to, and here s what it is.
1
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You are always making people feel something.
1
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Most people aren t aware of this, no matter what, you re making them feel something.
1
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It could be they could feel important and needed and loved.
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They could feel slighted and invisible.
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They could feel that you re demeaning to them, but you re making them feel something.
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So I try to really focus on my intentions.
1
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When I met Wayne Dyer when I was very young, at that time, he was writing a book.
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What a beautiful man.
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I never got to meet him.
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I ve only read his special.
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Well, I got to tell you, you remind me a lot of Wayne, a lot.
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And he was a dear, dear friend.
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Your spirit is very similar.
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And I don t know a lot of people that remind me of Wayne, but you do.
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And he was so good to me.
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But when I met him, it s a funny story.
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It s a long time ago, but luckily I work out.
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So I d won my first trip ever to Hawaii with the company I was at.
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And I got up in the morning before the sun was up, because that s my routine, beat the sun up.
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And I ran on the beach.
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And as I m running, this man s coming towards me.
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I could see him, bald guy, sweaty, hairy back.
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I m like, I don t want to bump into this guy.
1
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And as he gets closer, I go, oh my gosh, that s Wayne Dyer.
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It was in Maui.
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And he gets past me.
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We re both wearing Sony Walkman.
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That s how old we both are.
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And I pull my Walkman out.
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I had one of those, too, when I was a kid.
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OK.
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You re dating yourself now.
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And I go, Dr. Dyer, you changed my life.
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And don t you love when someone says that to you?
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To this day, I remember saying that to him.
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And he takes his head.
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He had a deep voice like me.
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He takes his headphones off, running, and he goes, I highly doubt that.
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He goes, I bet you don t.
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changed your life, but how did I help you?
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And he stops the run, Jay, and he walks over to me.
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And I end up sitting on the beach for an hour and a half watching the sun come up with Wayne Dyer.
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And at the end of the conversation, he says to me, he says, Ed, I think you re going to change the world.
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Now, at that time, I thought I was probably the only person he ever said that to.
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In hindsight, he probably said that too much.
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And he said, and it s not because of your amazing brain or you have a unique ability to communicate, Ed, but that s not why.
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He said, you re a good man.
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Listen to this, what he said, bro.
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He goes, you re a good man.
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He goes, you have great intentions.
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And he goes, if we never talk again, and we ended up talking the rest of his life, he said, I want you to always link your confidence to your intentions, not your abilities.
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Because you ll be chasing that tail all your life, Ed.
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So if he goes, there s a correct, and he was writing a book at the time called The Power of Intention, but I didn t know that.
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When I look for confidence, like before this interview or that speech I just gave, or for anybody listening, going into a sales call or a meeting or a first date, your confidence isn t your beauty or your ability.
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It s your intent.
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And so I always, that s one thing I know to be true about me.
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I don t always believe in my ability or my talent.
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That s fleeting.
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Or what happens when a speech goes bad or a meeting goes bad or a company goes bad?
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I don t want to predicate my confidence on that.
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I predicated on my intentions and I ll remind myself cause I actually believe I m a good person and I don t think enough people give themselves credit for being good and kind and that they give people grace and they want to contribute and help.
2
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You should generate so much confidence from that intent to serve that you had to walk into a room and own it.
2
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Not because you re arrogant or you re amazing, but because your intentions are so good.
2
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So this is a shell of confidence, a hack to confidence.
2
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Nobody talks about his intention.
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And I learned that most from Wayne.
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And so it s why I can bring an energy to something, because I m pretty confident.
2
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And that confident isn t I m going to say something amazing.
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It s that my intent is to serve.
2
SPEAKER_00
And so you vibrated a high frequency.
2
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Yeah, this is why we get along.
2
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I can relate completely.
2
SPEAKER_02
I ve always said, whenever anyone asked me what my morning routine is,
2
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The number one part of my morning routine, apart from meditation, workout, all that stuff, is refining and purifying my intention.
2
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I ve always said that, because I feel like your intention can either be a seed or a weed.
2
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And a seed is growing, and a weed, when it starts to grow, it looks the same thing as a seed.
2
SPEAKER_02
But my teachers would always tell us, they re like, a weed will strangle
2
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The seed, like a weed will completely destroy a great plant because of its intention.
2
SPEAKER_00
What do you do, I m curious, that s so good.
2
SPEAKER_00
That is really good.
2
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What do you do with the weeds in your life when they begin to grow around you?
2
SPEAKER_00
Do you have a strategy for that?
2
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Something that makes me crazy is when people say, well, I had this career before, but it was a waste.
2
SPEAKER_01
And that s where the perspective shift comes.
2
SPEAKER_01
That it s not a waste, that everything you ve done has built you to where you are now.
2
SPEAKER_01
This is She Pivots.
2
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the podcast where we explore the inspiring pivots women have made and dig deeper into the personal reasons behind them.
2
SPEAKER_01
Join me, Emily Tish Sussman, every Wednesday on She Pivots, as I sit down with inspiring women like Misty Copeland, Brooke Shields, Vanessa Hudgens, and so many more.
2
SPEAKER_01
We dive into how these women made their pivot and their mindset shifts that happened as a result.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s a podcast about women, their stories, and how their pivot became their success.
2
SPEAKER_01
Listen to She Pivots on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
2
SPEAKER_05
Get emotional with me, Radhi Devlukia, in my new podcast, A Really Good Cry.
2
SPEAKER_05
We re going to talk about and go through all the things that are sometimes difficult to process alone.
2
SPEAKER_05
We re going to go over how to regulate your emotions, diving deep into holistic personal development, and just building your mindset to have a happier, healthier life.
2
SPEAKER_05
We re going to be talking with some of my best friends.
2
SPEAKER_04
I didn t know we were going to go there.
2
SPEAKER_05
people that I admire.
2
SPEAKER_05
When we say listen to your body, really tune in to what s going on.
2
SPEAKER_05
Authors of books that have changed my life.
2
SPEAKER_05
Now you re talking about sympathy, which is different than empathy.
2
SPEAKER_05
And basically have conversations that can help us get through this crazy thing we call life.
2
SPEAKER_05
I already believe in myself.
2
SPEAKER_05
I already see myself.
2
SPEAKER_05
And so when people give me an opportunity, I m just like,
2
SPEAKER_05
Oh great, you see me too!
2
SPEAKER_05
We ll laugh together, we ll cry together, and find a way through all of our emotions.
2
SPEAKER_05
Never forget, it s okay to cry, as long as you make it a really good one.
2
SPEAKER_05
Listen to A Really Good Cry with Radhi Devlukia on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
2
SPEAKER_03
When you find that bright spot to help you get through your day, it s powerful.
2
SPEAKER_04
That s where The Bright Side comes in.
2
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A new daily podcast from Hello Sunshine that s bringing you a daily dose of joy.
2
SPEAKER_04
I m Danielle Robay.
2
SPEAKER_03
And I m Simone Boyce.
2
SPEAKER_03
Listen, both Danielle and I are reporters.
2
SPEAKER_03
We ve covered the news and we know the world can feel heavy, but The Bright Side podcast is a space to have a little fun, to learn something new and get into some friendly debates.
2
SPEAKER_04
That s right.
2
SPEAKER_04
Join us five days a week to see how life can look from the bright side.
2
SPEAKER_03
We ll hear from celebrities, authors, experts and listeners like you, whether it s relationships, friend advice or figuring out how to navigate life s transitions.
2
SPEAKER_03
We ll talk through it all together.
2
SPEAKER_04
Listen to the bright side from Hello Sunshine every weekday on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I find that there s almost a mental plucking and extraction process.
2
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And it starts with an awareness of why am I making this decision or what is driving me towards this.
2
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And if the intention is not love, service, joy, growth,
2
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then chances are if it s ego, revenge, jealousy, envy, greed, if it s all those, I know those are weeds.
2
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But that requires me to sit still and sit quietly in order to really be honest with myself when it s uncomfortable to say,
2
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Oh Jay, you re just doing that because you re envious.
2
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And being able to say that to myself and not hate myself for that, but to realize it s just a weed in a garden.
2
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If you see a weed in your garden and you start hating the whole garden, that doesn t make any sense.
2
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You just go and pluck that weed out.
2
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And so I feel for me, it requires that awareness, that stillness and then extraction.
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That s really good.
2
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And it s, and I think that s partly what, probably why I think we get along so well because of that intention.
2
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But I want to ask you, how do you develop and build and help people
2
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choose an intention that lives off the page?
2
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Because I think we re all used to now, like, my intention today is, right?
2
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But that s not what we re talking about.
2
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How does your intention come off the page and come into your day?
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That s a great question.
2
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I tell them all, you validate your intention with your action.
2
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So I like to, I call it validating it.
2
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And so I like to give myself evidence that it s true.
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I ll give you an example.
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One of the things right now that I m really working on in my life
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And it s not easy for me because I ve lived another way.
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I love to just share the things that are negative about me because I think it gives people hope.
2
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If this guy, as screwed up as he is, can win, maybe I got some hope.
2
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And one of the things that I ve lived with a lot in my life is I think I have judged people too much and not extended enough grace.
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But the last 10 years of my life, man, I m really proud of myself.
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I ve extended grace to people.
2
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I feel better about me, brother, when I extend grace to another person.
2
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I just, I just feel good about me, particularly maybe when they don t deserve it in the moment.
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Give you an example, give you a quick story.
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Please.
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The stories are great.
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Keep them coming.
2
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I love it.
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About three weeks ago, my kids were home for the holidays.
2
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And so we were at dinner and this is treasured time with my kids because they re both away at college.
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And so we walk into a restaurant, great restaurant, not like an amazing place, but a good restaurant.
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We walk in and from the lobby, I can hear these kids screaming.
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And I m an introvert, so I like quiet meals.
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I like to actually be able to hear the people I m talking with.
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I like quiet restaurants.
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This was normally a very quiet place is why I picked it.
2
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This night, it was not quiet in there.
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And I can hear these children screaming.
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And you know, when you re a parent like I am, sometimes you re like, what is, why don t you, I would never let my kids act like that.
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It s easy to judge.
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And I didn t.
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So anyway, we walk into this restaurant.
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And guess who we sit next to?
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The table I could hear from the lobby.
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There s five kids at this table with two parents.
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And the kids are yelling and screaming.
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And one of them s running a circle out there.
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One of them threw some food.
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And the mother kind of had her head down the whole time.
2
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And she really, my tendency would be to judge that family.
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This is an extreme story.
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But it gives you an example of why I work on the validating.
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So it s good enough to say my intention is to give people grace.
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But I need to validate it.
2
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And so my kids were kind of looking at me because they know their dad, you know, and I went, I m going to extend grace to that family right now.
2
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And I actually told my family, I said, you guys, okay, it s gonna sound crazy.
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Can we just say a quick prayer for them over there?
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They were like very close to us and the rest of the restaurant had noticed them too.
2
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And so I said, let s say a quick prayer.
2
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And they go, Max, say the prayer.
2
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I say it to my son.
2
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So my son says a quick blessing for that family, and then my daughter says, Daddy, let s buy them dinner.
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I m like, now you re pushing me, but okay, but okay.
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We ll get their dinner too, but we re not going to tell them.
2
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Anyway, so we extended grace and the entire meal, they were noisy and chaotic.
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Anyway, the end of the meal, they left.
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before we did and so they left and they got very quiet in there and like ah but the whole time I had extended grace I didn t judge them which would be a tendency I would normally maybe do in my past but now I m validating this new intention of mine
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Anyway, we pay the bill and we leave.
3
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And two days later, I m hitting a couple of golf balls at the golf course.
3
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And the server that night was hitting balls next to me.
3
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And he said, oh, Mr. Milet, that was so kind of you to buy the meal for that night for that family in light of the funeral.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I said, what?
3
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He goes, that family that night, he goes, you know, they had come there to celebrate.
3
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They had just left the funeral of their grandmother.
3
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I said, you re kidding me.
3
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And he said, no.
3
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And the grandmother would come in here with them.
3
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They re a very close family.
3
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The kids don t normally behave like that.
3
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And the mother that night was so down.
3
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It s her mom.
3
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The kids are extra close to her because their husband, when he was deployed in Iraq, the grandmother lived with them and sort of raised them.
3
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And so they had just left the funeral that night and were having the dinner.
3
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And I went, there you go.
3
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You never know what someone s carrying.
3
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You don t know the burden they re carrying.
3
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It hurt people hurt people.
3
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People in pain typically will create pain for other people.
3
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And I was like, what a blessing that I ve got to this point in my life that I do extend grace even when it doesn t seem like somebody deserves it because you don t know what they re carrying.
3
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So I validated that intention with my behavior and thank God I did.
3
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not knowing what they were going through.
3
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So it was a really beautiful culmination of the story that you just don t know what someone s carrying.
3
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Extend grace, give people kindness, do everything you can not to judge.
3
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Yeah, wow, that s powerful, man.
3
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That s a crazy story.
3
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Yeah, that s crazy, but it s and sometimes we don t always get the reward of that loop.
3
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True.
3
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But we have to recognize as we know in our own lives that
3
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We know we re always going through something.
3
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We know our friends are going through something, our family s going through something.
3
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Everyone on your team is going through something.
3
SPEAKER_00
How we can t extend that is crazy.
3
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But I wanted to ask you something.
3
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There s a lot of people who I know will be listening.
3
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And I know that our community and our audience are good-hearted, loving, wanting to be better people.
3
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We all want to improve, as do I. I ve got so much more healing left to do, and I know our community does.
3
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but they often feel like even though they lead with love, everyone around them is causing them pain, is negative, is toxic.
3
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They don t feel that around them.
3
SPEAKER_00
And they almost get exhausted trying to be this bigger, graceful, kinder person.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I m sure you felt that.
3
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I know you re the right person to ask this question to.
3
SPEAKER_00
What do you do when you feel everyone around you is bringing you toxicity, negativity, and poor energy?
3
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How do you operate?
3
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I reduce proximity to them in those moments.
3
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And sometimes they they are the weeds that needed to be weeded out of your garden.
3
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That s the most difficult decision.
3
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But sometimes it s not weeding them out, it s reducing proximity.
3
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And then I ve created some havens that I can go to, to sort of escape that for a few minutes.
3
SPEAKER_01
And so some of those are actually people.
3
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I ve got two or three people in my life that when these other people are
3
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losing it and acting in a toxic way or acting out or antagonistic towards me or other people.
3
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I ve got another person or two that I can go to that shifts my state, that is my rock, that is someone that I can express myself to.
3
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For some people, that might be therapy.
3
SPEAKER_01
But in my case, I ve got two or three just great friends that I can go to.
3
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They set me straight.
3
SPEAKER_01
They give me perspective.
3
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What great friends give me is they give me perspective.
3
SPEAKER_01
This will pass.
3
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They re going through something.
3
SPEAKER_01
Rise above this.
3
SPEAKER_01
And see, when some people walk into a room, they adapt to the energy in the room.
3
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Greatness is walking into a room and shifting the energy.
3
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And so I believe I m built for those moments, that over time, I m built to shift the energy in the room, shift it.
3
SPEAKER_01
And the way that you do it is, to me, it s just really speaking truth to people.
3
SPEAKER_01
And sometimes in a kind way, speaking truth to them about their behavior and their conduct and letting them know that you re better than this.
3
SPEAKER_01
You are better than the way you re conducting yourself.
3
SPEAKER_01
You re better than this.
3
SPEAKER_01
And here s why I do that.
3
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Truth, I think, vibrates at the highest frequency.
3
SPEAKER_01
And so if you want to influence somebody, you have to be vibrating at a high frequency.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s telling someone the truth in the moment.
3
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You can tell the truth to somebody in a kind and gentle and generous way.
3
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But when you don t address someone s behavior that s toxic towards you, you re not operating in truth.
3
SPEAKER_01
And what happens is you reduce your own vibrational frequency, and that can get worse.
3
SPEAKER_01
So the way you rise above and shift the energy in the room is actually by operating in truth with somebody, saying, look, I love you.
3
SPEAKER_01
I believe in you.
3
SPEAKER_01
And that s why I m going to tell you the truth right now.
3
SPEAKER_01
And here s the truth.
3
SPEAKER_01
This thing you re doing right now, this way you re handling yourself is so much, it s so beneath who you really are.
3
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You re capable of so much greater.
3
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And I want you to know, I love you and believe in you enough that I m going to share with you the truth.
3
SPEAKER_01
And by the way, there comes these intentions too.
3
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If someone, if you ve sown enough seeds into someone, they know your intention.
3
SPEAKER_01
I think you can challenge people.
3
SPEAKER_01
I think great people are good at challenging other people.
3
SPEAKER_01
And the only way that you can challenge somebody is they have to know you love and believe in them first.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like even in your companies, you re just, listen, Jay s life is just exploding, right?
3
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Everything about that he s got going.
3
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So a lot of people depend on you.
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A lot of people work with you.
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And you ve got to be able to challenge them to raise their standard.
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You can t do that first.
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You have to make deposits into people before you can make withdrawals.
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Because anytime you re challenging someone and saying, I need you to step up, that s a form of a withdrawal.
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It just is.
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You have to have made the deposits in someone of belief and love first.
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And then if you operate in truth, man, your frequency is vibrating real high.
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You can shift an environment and shift the energy.
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Oh, I love that.
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I love that.
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I love that.
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And it s, and, and it s not a technique.
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No, it s, it s real.
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It s real.
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Like, it s not like I always find like, it s not like you d be nice to someone so you can ask for something back.
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And that s where you, the way you saying it, it doesn t come that way.
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And I, I love that idea of raising and shifting frequency.
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And I actually want to give more people the encouragement and courage to be able to do that because I think we all do feel I can t shift it.
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I can t do anything.
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I m not in control.
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My reminder would be truth is what shifts the room.
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And when you come from a loving place and a truth telling place, here s the other thing.
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I said this to you one other time.
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I don t know if it was on the show or not, but I think a lot of people feel inadequate about that.
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Like I m not qualified.
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I ve not, there s nothing great about me.
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Like I ve never, I ve not achieved something or, or the other thing they do is they hold their sins or mistakes of their life as like weapons against themselves.
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Like you don t know about my divorce.
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You don t know that I did this thing I m not proud of.
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You don t know I had this business failure.
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I didn t, I,
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You know I ve gained some weight, and so I made a commitment to get fit, and I m not anymore I m not qualified to shift the energy or change other people and one of the best examples of that ever I ve shared this with you before is my dad When my dad got sober it changed our entire family s life I mean it just changed everything that one decision my dad made and After I wrote my book and after my dad passed away.
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I woke up one night.
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It s like 3 a.m.. And I was crying I
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And kind of startled my wife and she s like, what s going on, babe?
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I said, babe, I just realized something.
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Here I am 52 years old.
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My dad had been sober for 35 years.
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That s never dawned on me.
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I went, someone helped my dad.
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I ve told you this before.
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And she goes, what, honey?
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I said, someone helped dad.
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And that person changed my entire life.
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Like, that act of helping one person, the ripple effect is I m his son, and I ve been blessed to reach millions of people around the world.
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That person doesn t know that helping my dad changed millions of lives.
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And she goes, my gosh, that s incredible.
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I said, that s not the most incredible thing.
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The most incredible thing is what qualified that man to help my dad, who I didn t know who he was at the time.
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She goes, I don t know.
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I said, not how perfect he was, not how stupendous, not as amazing achievements.
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What qualified him to help my dad was that he was also an alcoholic at one time.
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He was a drug addict.
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He lied.
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He lived in the shadows.
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And so actually in life, we re most qualified to help the person we used to be.
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Oh, yes.
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And so in life, it s not that you re better than these people.
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It s that you can help people that used to be like you, that you used to operate in a way that didn t serve you.
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Maybe you behaved in a way that wasn t conducive with your character.
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Because of that, you re qualified to help people that are operating that way.
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So you re immensely qualified in life to shift other people.
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If you re willing to be vulnerable and reveal your imperfect, you don t connect with anybody by going.
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I m amazing.
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Imagine the podcast, and I m like, brother, to be honest with you, I have no problems.
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There s no healing left.
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I m just kicking butt everywhere I go.
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And you re like, well, me too, man.
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We re just touring the globe in Dubai together, you know?
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That s not the truth.
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The truth is, the way you connect is by going, here s all the things that aren t.
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Which is what we did in that car.
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Which is what we did in the car with each other, right?
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So you re revealing your imperfections that connects you with people.
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And just for everybody to remember, you were born to do something great with your life.
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And when you re a little boy or a little girl, there was probably one person who made you feel that way.
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And you want to give yourself the gifts right now of who is that person?
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When you re a little girl or a little boy, they made you feel special.
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And there s probably only one, maybe two.
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Maybe it was your parents or your grandmother or grandfather, a coach, a religious figure.
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There s someone that was in your life and you felt something.
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about you because of the way they looked at you or spoke to you.
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And the amazing thing about that is they were right about you.
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They were right.
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For me, it was my papa, my dad s dad.
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I m named after him.
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And he used to drive and pick me up on Sundays.
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We d go get donuts, Jay, to get for my cousins before church.
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And he d drive me.
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I d look up at Big Papa.
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Everyone, when you think about that person, you ll get emotional.
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For you, it s your mom, right?
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And he would look down at me and he d go, Eddie, you re my favorite.
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He had all these great, he goes, you re my favorite, you re amazing.
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You re gonna do something great with your life, you re the special.
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I go, I am, Big Papa, I am.
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And this little boy, I just could feel his belief and his love.
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He was the only person who ever treated me that way.
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The rest of the world s never treated me that way, but Big Papa did.
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And then when my other grandkids were born, I remember my cousin Peter was born.
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Jay, you ll laugh at this.
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And he called me, he goes, hey, your cousin Peter was born today.
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He s amazing.
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Six pounds, seven ounces.
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He s got our blue eyes, Eddie.
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I go, that s awesome, big papa.
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And he go, but you re my favorite.
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You re my favorite.
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And all my life, I ve carried that feeling from Big Papa with me.
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And the truth is, if you ve had that person in your life, they were right about you.
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You re supposed to do something great with your life.
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And the reason it makes you emotional when you think about it now is because it s true.
4
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And truth vibrates at the highest frequency.
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So if you re listening to this or watching it, it s like, have that reminder.
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Give yourself the gift.
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Maybe your Big Papa s gone now and not even here anymore.
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Honor them with who you become.
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Honor them with the life you build.
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Honor them with the choices you make.
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And take that belief.
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Imagine what God believes in you if that person believed in you.
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Take that belief and use it as fuel in your life to have some strength and confidence to shift other people s lives.
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And for me, that was Big Papa.
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Yeah, I know.
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I was going back with you when you were saying it and there s something known as a loving kindness meditation.
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It s very popular in Buddhism, in Hinduism, there s a similar practice.
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And I led this meditation when I was on tour with every audience across the whole world.
4
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And what you have to do in this meditation is you have to close your eyes and you have to allow yourself to re-experience a moment you felt the most love.
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For some people, it s their wedding day.
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For some people, it s their car with their grandpa.
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For some person, it s their mother, whatever it may be.
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And you have to relive it, feel it through the five things you can see, the four things you can touch, the three things you can hear, the two things you can smell, and the one thing you can taste.
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Really immerse yourself in it.
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and then feel it in your heart, and then feel it cascade from your heart all across your body.
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And then if you try and give it out to your friends and family, to the stranger at the restaurant, to the rest of the world, it s so possible because you re feeling as you re saying, that will never run out.
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Your memory of your grandpa saying that to you, that will never ever,
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expire.
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It will always be there and the amount that can be recycled into giving love to others into feeling loved always.
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Whereas what we do is we try and search for the next person to love us.
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We re searching for that next person to say something amazing about us.
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And with that you re always running out.
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You re right.
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Because it comes once and it goes and it comes and it goes.
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Whereas that one person you re so right that loved you.
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Jay this is an all-time great conversation right now by the way.
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It s because we just went deep.
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I think there s a validity to what you just said too, a truth that s just so profound.
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It s very difficult in life to transfer to somebody that which you re not experiencing.
4
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So in order to transfer true love and true belief in somebody, you have to be experiencing it so that you can give it to somebody.
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And so giving yourself that gift allows you to give it in abundance to other people.
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That s really good.
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That s awesome meditation.
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I think one of the reasons, again, why we get along, but why we re having this conversation is that we both believe in this paradox.
4
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So we both talking about currently, at the beginning of this conversation, have talked about very like spiritual, emotional, universal ideas of existence.
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But at the same time, we re both good at getting stuff done.
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Yeah, just yes, not all philosophy.
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Correct.
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Right.
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And I think that s,
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something that I ve always tried to do in my work, where it s like, I don t want anyone in the world to just think that, oh, if I change my mindset, everything s just, because I don t want to fool people and I don t want to mislead people because I know in my life that spirituality and strategy have had to go together, that sincerity and structure have had to go together.
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And I find that that combination is what s allowed me to live a fulfilling and successful life and continue to create it.
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You haven t made a decision unless you ve taken an action to validate it.
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Yes, exactly.
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And that s the thing that you re exactly right.
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People that come to our events or may just hear this conversation go, oh, I just really need to sit around and really vibrate high and think about things.
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No, you don t.
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You have to put your feet on the ground, and you ve got to go to work.
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The real truth is, if you ve made a decision and it s real, you ll validate it with your work.
4
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You ll validate it with your effort and the choices that you make.
4
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And the truth is this.
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Here s the other thing a lot of my confidence comes from.
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I ll be candid with you, and I know this about you.
4
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I m going to outwork you.
4
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Here s the truth.
4
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I m going to outwork you.
4
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One thing I learned from my dad is that, listen, a lot of my confidence comes from the fact that I deserve to win.
4
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And I deserve to win because I m working my tail off.
4
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And I don t think enough people give themselves the gift of just super hard work.
4
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I mean, I know your schedule.
4
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You know mine.
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We were talking about that.
4
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But the truth, this is just something I m saying if I don t validate it with an action.
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It s like you said with your books.
4
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I love you?
4
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No, that s a verb.
4
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There s an action that s taken to validate that I love you.
4
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There s things I can do to.
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give evidence of the fact that I love you.
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And so, no, you can t just sit around and think about these things.
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You ve got to get to work.
4
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You ve got to implement them.
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And then, by the way, when you do that, all of, listen, the reason I can speak with such clarity on this stuff is I ve done them.
4
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I ve been in situations where this stuff has been tested and tried and true.
4
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So I m a huge, huge advocate of work, of taking the steps necessary to do it.
4
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And I know that that s something with you.
4
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Like, when I met you, I had a notion about you that wasn t accurate, which was that you were more of just this, listen, we re just going to get quiet and meditate and empty our minds here, and everything we want is going to come our way.
4
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Then I met you, and I said this to you off camera, there s a fire and an intensity and a work ethic to Jay that I think would surprise most people.
4
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You re this very unique.
4
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Combination of this very tranquil peaceful loving kind being who s also wound tight and wants to win and is intense and is gonna make things happen and Wants to max out his life and isn t just sitting around waiting for it to come his way He s going to get a lot of it.
4
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And that s one things I admire about you.
4
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I
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Absolutely.
4
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Walk me through how you ve translated that grace, that love, that kindness into a plan for like 2024.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like how do you translate that?
4
SPEAKER_00
Like what does your day look like?
4
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What does a quarter look like?
4
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You ve built businesses that are successful.
4
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I want to know that part because I love that, that connection that I m trying to make here between this sincere heart with a strategic mind.
4
SPEAKER_05
Hey, it s me Blippi and this is my best friend, Mika.
4
SPEAKER_05
Hi, I m Mika and this is our brand new podcast.
4
SPEAKER_05
Blippi and Mika s Road Trip.
4
SPEAKER_05
The Blippi Mobile will take us to amazing places.
4
SPEAKER_05
We ll explore and listen to the sounds of awesome places like farms, racetracks,
4
SPEAKER_05
and even construction sites!
4
SPEAKER_05
Follow your ears, what do you hear?
4
SPEAKER_05
And we ll meet new friends along the way!
4
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They ll teach us awesome new things about the places and things we see and hear!
4
SPEAKER_05
What did we learn today?
4
SPEAKER_06
It s so cool!
4
SPEAKER_05
Listen to Blippi and Mika s Road Trip Podcasts on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
4
SPEAKER_02
I m Elliot Connie, and this is Family Therapy.
4
SPEAKER_06
My best hopes, I guess, identify the life that I want and work towards it.
4
SPEAKER_01
I never seen a man take care of my mother the way she needed to be taken care of.
4
SPEAKER_01
I get the impression that you don t feel like you ve done everything right as a father.
4
SPEAKER_01
Is that true?
4
SPEAKER_02
That s true, and I m not offended by that.
4
SPEAKER_06
Thank you for going through those things, and thank you for overcoming them.
4
SPEAKER_06
Thank God for deliverance.
4
SPEAKER_06
Every time I have one of our sessions, our sessions be positive.
4
SPEAKER_06
It just keeps me going.
4
SPEAKER_06
I feel like my focus is redirected in a different aspect of my life now.
4
SPEAKER_02
So, how d we do today?
4
SPEAKER_06
We did good.
4
SPEAKER_02
The Black Effect presents Family Therapy.
4
SPEAKER_02
Listen now on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
4
SPEAKER_05
Hey everyone, this is Molly and Matt and we re the hosts of Grown Up Stuff How To Adult, a podcast from Ruby Studio and iHeart Podcasts.
4
SPEAKER_03
It s a show dedicated to helping youth
5
SPEAKER_02
figure out the trickiest parts of adulting.
5
SPEAKER_01
Like how to start planning for retirement, creating a healthy skincare routine, understanding when and how much to tip someone, and so much more.
5
SPEAKER_02
We re back with season two of the podcast, which means more opportunities to glow up and become a more responsible and better adult, one life lesson at a time.
5
SPEAKER_01
And let me just tell you, this show is just as much for us as it is for you.
5
SPEAKER_01
So let s figure this stuff out together.
5
SPEAKER_01
This season, we re going to talk about whether or not we re financially and emotionally ready for dog ownership.
5
SPEAKER_02
We re going to figure out the benefits of a high yield savings account.
5
SPEAKER_01
And what exactly are the duties of being a member of the wedding party?
5
SPEAKER_02
All that plus so much more.
5
SPEAKER_01
Let s learn about all of it and then some.
5
SPEAKER_01
Listen to Grown Up Stuff How to Adult on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
5
SPEAKER_00
It is my perception of time.
5
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And so I believe you can bend and manipulate time.
5
SPEAKER_00
And so here s what that looks like.
5
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I don t buy into a 24-hour day.
5
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That s an archaic time frame.
5
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See, you and I live in an age where, think about it, 100 years ago, if I wanted to get something done, I d have to write it down somewhere, stick a stamp on it, or put it on the back of a horse a few hundred years ago.
5
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And you d get it in a month, and then you d translate it, get it back to me in a month.
5
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Now I can text you in three seconds, but we re both going to manage time in 24 hours.
5
SPEAKER_00
When I was in school, I had to go to a library to research something in a thing called an encyclopedia, right?
5
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And then write it all down, type it on a typewriter.
5
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If you make one key mistake, you ve got to redo it.
5
SPEAKER_00
Now I can Google it, print it out, and it s done.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yet the same time frames are managed.
5
SPEAKER_00
And so that s insane, right?
5
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I can email.
5
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I can text.
5
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I have got all these things on my phone.
5
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So we re still operating the same time construct as people did 50 years ago, 100 years ago, 200 years ago.
5
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That is insane.
5
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And so I have a huge advantage in my life that my days are many days.
5
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And so I have three eight-hour days in a day.
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I get 21 days in a week, 21 days in a week.
5
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And so my first day is 6 AM.
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to noon.
5
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And in that day, we ve all had that day where we go, man, I ve got more by 8 AM done than I ve done in a week.
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That should be every day if you want it to be.
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It s your expectation of time.
5
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Here s the thing.
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When something is scarce, it s more valuable.
5
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So that s why a diamond is worth more than a piece of paper, because it s more scarce.
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When your time becomes more scarce, it becomes more valuable.
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And other people treat you with more value.
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So that s one benefit.
5
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But my first day, 6 a.m.
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to noon, and in there, I m trying to get in there the amount of productivity, joy, business, fitness, whatever it might be, that I would get in a 24-hour day, compressed and manipulated that time into the eight-hour window.
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Why?
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Because of all the technology at my advantage.
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Now, there may be some days that s a Netflix and chill day for me.
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I m not saying you have to be hyperproductive.
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That s OK.
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Maybe on Sundays, a lot of people have that.
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I ll have a day like that.
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But it s not every day.
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And so the second day starts at noon, and it runs all the way.
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Usually, sometimes I even shrink them to six hours sometimes.
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I ll go 6 AM to noon.
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So that s a six-hour window.
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I give myself a two-hour buffer.
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The second day starts from noon to 6 PM.
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And in that second day, I m trying to get the same amount of stuff I would get in in a 24-hour day in my six- to eight-hour window.
5
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This year, there s six-hour days.
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There s 6 AM to noon.
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Noon to 6 p.m.
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and 6 p.m.
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to midnight.
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Now, I m going to sleep in there.
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I m going to get rest.
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I m going to have laughter.
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I m going to have faith.
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I m going to have cooling at time.
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But now, what happens is at about noon every day, this thing goes off in my head.
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And I evaluate.
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What did I get done?
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What do I need to double my efforts on?
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What can I celebrate?
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What did I learn?
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So when an average person does it at the end of their day, I m doing it at noon.
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And it now automatically goes off.
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It s weird.
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My mind knows when noon is.
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And it knows when 6 p.m.
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is.
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And the same thing happens at 6 p.m.
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And then I ll run it again.
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And so I m getting 21 days a week.
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You stack that time frame up over a year.
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When you get seven days, and I m managing time this way, I ve compressed and bent time, I m probably going to win.
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You stack that up over a year, five years, 10 years,
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And all of a sudden, I ve had all these more days.
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And here s the other thing.
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I just get a longer life.
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I m getting multiple lives in one life, simply because I ve taken control of what time looks like.
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So they used to be eight-hour days.
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You asked about 20, 24.
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They re now six-hour days.
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And so I get more done oftentimes by 10 AM than most people will get done in a 24-hour day.
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And here s what that looks like really quickly.
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Too many people schedule one hour long meetings if we re going to be tactical.
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Most meetings don t need to be an hour.
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But we schedule them an hour because everybody s always done that.
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So my team knows, is this a 28 minute meeting?
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Is this a five minute meeting?
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Very rarely are they hour long meetings.
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Because when you have an hour long meeting, now you re pacing yourself to fill the hour in.
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But I ve only got a six hour day here.
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So there s a lot of 28 minute long meetings that other people are taking an hour to do.
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We re just that much more productive.
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that much more efficient in our time.
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And so that s how you actually get the day done is because this one hour concept, isn t it?
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You say, I ll meet you at nine o clock.
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I got nine to 10 blocked off.
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Well, why?
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Most meetings don t need to be an hour long.
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Most business meetings don t.
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Most conversations don t.
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And that, by the way, will give me more time.
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Maybe my lunch is now an hour and a half with a friend because I ve bent a manipulated time in my, I call them mini days.
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That s so, I m so happy you shared that because I just, just even that concept of us understanding how we re using time in an archaic way and thinking about how many hours in a day in an archaic way.
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It s bananas to me.
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That concept in and of itself is mind blowing.
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And you can create your own version of a mini day.
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Maybe you re going to have two.
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Maybe you re going to break your day into two.
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Me, it was eight hours, and I ve moved it to six, and I felt no difference.
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But I love that time clock.
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There s not enough time.
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Most people evaluate their goals.
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Really productive people, they ll do it at the end of the day.
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In the middle, maybe the end of a month.
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How did my January go?
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And you know this, most people.
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It s the end of the year.
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So most people s a year.
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Some will do it a month.
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Really productive people, maybe the end of the day.
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I m doing that three times in a 24-hour day now.
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The breakthroughs, the learning, the course correction, the strategic moves I make that get me back on track when I m off track.
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And my bad days are only six hours long.
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Right?
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So that gives me permission to shift at noon.
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OK, this is a new day.
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I get a do-over.
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I get to start again.
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So it s just a matter of using a time construct that fits with technology in these times.
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Yeah, it s almost like saying, yeah, we re driving cars now, but it would take me a month to get to it.
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Right.
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Yeah, it doesn t make any sense.
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It doesn t make any sense to have a 24-hour day.
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Yeah, yeah.
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Wow.
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What s been the habit?
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Because you also said you shifted from eight-hour days to six-hour days.
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First of all, why did you do that?
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What was the benefit of that?
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The shift for me was that it was the one hours.
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I m like, why am I taking these one hour long meetings if I m moving to 28 minutes?
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And by the way, it s awesome.
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And even you and I, even when we communicate, it s oftentimes it s like, you and I have these beautiful, quick conversations, but they, by the way, there are sometimes my friends, I need to go deep and we need three or four or five hours.
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But I also, I know there s a lot of times in life, like you ever have that friend that doesn t know when the text exchange is done.
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You know that person?
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You re like, all right, man, we ve got it.
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OK, it s over now.
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We re both going to go now text other people or do other things.
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I ve just gotten a little bit better at buttoning things up, so to speak, too.
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Phraseology and terminology.
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I was in a meeting a long time ago with Alex Rodriguez.
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I ll never forget this.
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It was a really great meeting.
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And I know you know them as well, and so I was meeting with Alex, and I ll never forget He said he s a gracious dude He s a good dude but our meeting was supposed to end at one o clock in the afternoon and I remember we were in the middle of something and I was at his house, and we were actually we were it actually was back there It was actually a J Lo s house, but Alex was there anyway, and I remember at about 1258 he looked at his watch And that gave me a cue and at one o clock.
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He just stood up and
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Kind of in the middle of the meeting and that signified the meeting was over and it wasn t rude His team just knows when the meeting times up.
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We re done.
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We re done And what that is that set a context and a tone that when we have a meeting that s this long That s how long it is and setting up those kind of disciplines and kind of barriers around your life guardrails around your life protects your time and
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And it s uncomfortable to do that because we feel as people pleasers, which a lot of us are, we re scared to do that because we re thinking, Oh God, if I stand up, is everyone going to think like I m like stuck up?
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Like, you know, there s going to be that sense.
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How do you deal with that discomfort and that awkwardness of I m setting a boundary to protect myself, but I m scared how people are going to perceive me.
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It s just being gracious when you do it.
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And it s also, eventually, what I ve found is, like I said earlier, people now respect my time a little bit more.
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I become more, listen, there s a pace and a rhythm to success.
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Here s something no one talks about when it comes to success and being productive.
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And you know this.
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There s a rhythm and a cadence to it.
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It s an invisible thing that the people that are winning somehow have found themselves.
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You know this with the actors you ve worked with or entertainers.
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It s hard to express, but they found a rhythm and a cadence to their life that creates momentum in their life.
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Momentum s a major magnifier in life.
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When you get momentum, but there s a rhythm to it.
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And when you sort of aren t disciplined with your time and a meeting runs over 10 minutes or 20 minutes, you are not in the rhythm of success.
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There s a pace.
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It s not hurried.
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It s not hurried or rushed, but it s a little quicker than most people know.
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Successful people walk a little faster.
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They re in a little bit more of a hurry.
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They talk a little
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faster.
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There s a rhythm and a pace and a intensity, a passion to the dialogue and the conversation.
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You know exactly what I mean.
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And it s invisible.
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Maybe you can express it well right now too.
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Have you seen it?
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And until you find that, you re not really in the rhythm of hyper productivity or bliss or success.
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And when you re around people that possess that rhythm, you feel it.
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And it isn t
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demeaning when they do it.
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There s a graciousness to it and a respect you have that they respect themselves and you enough in that moment to be organized enough and disciplined enough not to let it bleed into a place that it doesn t need to go.
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You know what I mean, right?
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Yeah, it s actually looping back.
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I m so glad you raised that because it s such a subtle point and to me it comes back down to something I raised earlier of this energy and time balance because the question I ask myself is
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The time that I set the meeting is based on when I think my energy will be best.
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And the amount of time I give a meeting is the amount of time I can give intense 100% energy.
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So I m not, for example, when I m recording a podcast, we do two podcasts a day maximum.
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The reason for that is I know if I did a third one,
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I have the time to do a third one, but my energy is not there.
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My presence is not there.
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I m not at 100% intensity, which means the quality drops.
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So it s also not just doing more, as you re saying.
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It s not just doing more because I can squeeze more in a day.
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I just know the third podcast is going to be the worst one that I record.
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And so we don t do it.
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By the way, you should have told me that about two years ago.
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No, seriously, that you re 100% right.
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And I make that mistake sometimes of doing four in a day.
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And it s not fair to the third and fourth person.
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It s not do it.
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You might be able to do we all have different capacities.
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Oh, you re right.
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And the other thing I do on my schedule, since we re being tactical is I like to load up my Mondays and Tuesdays with heavy things.
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early in my week, and I like the later part of my week to be a little bit more peaceful and joyous, so that I m sort of building toward it.
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It s almost like my Super Bowl, almost.
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My Mondays and Tuesdays, those are going to be heavy days.
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The other thing I do is my most important meetings, I kind of know me.
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I m not particularly a great early morning person, nor am I great late at night.
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I m really in a good space about when we re recording this right now.
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a noon to 3pm window for me.
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I don t know if I m the most hydrated, I ve already worked out.
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So my really important meetings, I try to schedule in my highest energy state when I know I m peaking in my given day.
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So you re 100% right about that.
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And I think these are the mechanics of how you connect energy and the real world because you can t just say, I worked out this morning, I feel good, everything s gonna go all right now.
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And I think we have that kind of
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We have this checklist mentality of if I ve done these three things, then everything else will go okay.
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But actually all the other stuff needs to be managed and intentionally designed.
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I think I ve been talking a lot about this recently with people that I think often we think if people are casual or relaxed or laid back, then things will work out better.
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But actually you find, as you re saying,
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most success, productivity, and joyfulness is intentionally designed in order to create an experience.
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And I wanted to get your thoughts on that.
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You re a billion percent right, Jay.
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The higher you climb, there s all this other stimulus happening in your life, right?
6
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So if you don t create those constructs now, when you get to a point where you get the things you want in your life, the demands on your energy and time only increase.
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and your ability to manage that and create structures around you that keep you productive is a huge thing you ve just shared.
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I ve watched a lot of people climb to a point, and when they get to that point, they didn t create new structures around them to support the next level.
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Every level you climb,
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requires a different type of energy and structure.
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And so some things, even that I m doing right now, I know maybe four or five years from now, I m going to have to re-evaluate those that will change with the conditions of my life.
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For me, right now, as busy as I am, it requires more intent to structure than ever in my life.
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And if I didn t create them when things weren t quite this busy, I don t think I would have continued to float into the next state.
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And I ve watched a lot of people get to a place, and then they can t navigate that next level because of the structure, maybe the lack of a team around them, quality people, management of those things.
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And so I m always trying to be ahead structurally to my results.
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What most people think is, I m going to produce this thing, and then when I get there, I ll figure it out from there.
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That stagnates your growth.
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You ve got to be preparing and expecting that growth and creating the structures around you to facilitate it so it continues to flow.
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So good.
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So good.
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And I think we get sentimental and we get sentimental, like, I can t let go of this habit or this structure or this thing because it got me here.
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And I feel like you have to get really non-sentimental.
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Like, what you re saying about this preparing.
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Well, mine s my morning routine.
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I used to have a very long morning routine.
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Cold plunge, meditate, pray, gratitude ritual, stretch, you know.
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And the thing got so long that I m like, my gosh, I m two hours into a routine here.
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I got to get to work.
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I gotta get some stuff done.
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And so you kind of be, and what it was is I started to accumulate these sentimental things that man, that day I cold plunged, I had a big speech that day.
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So I better keep cold plunging every day and I better keep, I started stacking up this closet full and I had to come in and it s like an old closet full of clothes.
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I had to go, which of these don t I wear anymore?
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Yes.
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And I m going to take this one and give it away.
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And so you re right.
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It s the sentimental holding on to things that got you where you are won t get you where you re going.
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And so I have to constantly kind of audit my closet, so to speak.
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And so my morning routine now is nowhere nearly as sophisticated as it used to be.
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It s much more brief, but it serves me now.
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It serves who I am now.
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It serves my ambitions and goals now.
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And so you re 1,000% right about that.
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Yeah, a lot of people I speak to as well, they struggle with, and I ve struggled with this in the past, where you know what you need to do.
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You know how much time you have, but then you procrastinate, you overthink.
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And I m sure you get asked this question all the time.
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Like, but I still see it again and again and again in the same people where they tell me, Jay, I m going to have this done.
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I m going to, I m accountable.
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I m going to commit.
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But then somehow it still doesn t happen for them.
6
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What have you found is really useful insight for someone who finds themselves constantly getting stuck.
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They know what they need to do.
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They know how much time they have, but they keep procrastinating and overthinking.
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One, you re trying to get your life back to your identity.
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You and I have talked about this analogy before, so I ll be quick with it.
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But your identity, your personal belief in yourself, your identity is like the thoughts, beliefs, and concepts you hold to be most true about you.
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It s a thermostat setting on your life.
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We talked about this before.
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I ll give you two things.
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So like this studio we re in, I don t know, 72 degrees in here right now, something like that.
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The external conditions, that s a cold rainy day here in LA.
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The external conditions, it s probably 50 degrees outside.
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That does not affect the internal thermostat in this room.
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It is 72 degrees.
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If it was 90 degrees outside, the air conditioners will come on and cool this room back to 72 degrees.
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You procrastinate because your results are about to exceed your identity and you re turning the air conditioner on.
6
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So if right now you re getting 72 degrees of, you believe in yourself at 72 degrees of wealth or abundance or productivity, and you ve started to heat it up to 85, 90, 100 degrees, you subconsciously turn the air conditioner on of your life to cool it back down to what you really believe you re worthy of and you deserve.
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So the deep work is you ve got to raise that identity of what you believe you re worth to 85, 90, 100 degrees.
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How do you do that?
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Typically proximity to people who live at that thermostat setting.
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They will heat you up to theirs.
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So that s a huge one.
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I just want to make that you made that sound so simple and you made it really easy.
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That is the huge one.
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That is it.
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It is at that gut level.
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That s why you ll see somebody who, for example, their love thermostat is 72 degrees.
6
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And you go on, you double date, and they re with their dream person.
6
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You re like, oh my gosh, they re in love.
6
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It s blissful.
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They re at 90, 100 degrees of love in their life.
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And a year later, you run into them, and you re like,
6
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So how is Steve or how s Janice?
6
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Oh, it didn t work out.
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What happened was they turned the air conditioner on and cooled it back to what they believe they deserve off the times.
6
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Or wealth.
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We ve all had these friends that their 72 degrees of wealth and all of a sudden, man, their business is kicking 85, 90, 100.
6
SPEAKER_00
And what happens is it seems coincidental.
6
SPEAKER_00
Oh, supply chain.
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Oh, this or that.
6
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A customer broke off.
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SPEAKER_00
A car broke down.
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I had to loan money to a friend.
6
SPEAKER_00
No.
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Those were circumstances.
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What really happened was you turned the air conditioners on and you cooled your life back financially to believe what you believe you re worth.
6
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Same in your body.
6
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Someone s 72 degrees of fitness.
6
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They re getting in shape.
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They ve lost the 10 pounds.
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They look great.
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And you see them in a year, and they ve come all the way back and gained it back.
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SPEAKER_00
And you re like, what happened?
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They turned the air conditioner on of their life and got back to what they believe they re worth.
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You ve got to change that thermostat setting.
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And it s typically, like in my faith life, if I was a 72 degrees in my faith, I started to surround myself with some men in my faith life who, man, they live in their faith at 95 and 100.
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They heated me up by proximity.
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Now my thermostat setting s different.
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So that s a biggie.
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The second one with procrastination is you ve developed a false belief system in yourself of what you need to know to take action.
6
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And so successful people are willing to step into the unknown and the unprepared more than people who are unsuccessful.
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Now I m not saying I don t like to research, like you re super
7
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prepared for today, so am I. But there are just situations in my life of what I think I need to know is much lower than most people to step into the space and perform.
7
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So procrastination is really saying, I got to know a little more, I got to prepare a little bit more, I got to get a little bit more ready, a little bit more ready, a little bit more ready.
7
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And you keep raising the readiness quota to a point where you never take action.
7
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And so you ve got to get to this point where you re like, I m going to get into the room.
7
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I m going to start to write that paper.
7
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I m going to start the book.
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I m going to get into that.
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And I ll figure it out when I get there.
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And most people that are successful have this internal belief system that I don t need to know everything to take action.
7
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I just need to know enough to get in the room and I ll figure it out from there.
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And you ve known this with all the successful people you ve coached.
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That is something they possess in droves, is the ability to get into a space and step into a room and figure it out from there and not have to know everything.
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And that s how most of them discovered their passion.
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They even discovered it because they were just pushed into it.
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I remember the first presentation I ever gave,
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the speaker had canceled.
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And my friend said to me, well, there s no speaker, you ve got to give the talk.
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And I was just like, what do you mean I ve got to give the talk?
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SPEAKER_00
Like the speaker was really like well known and like in the community and all the rest of it.
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SPEAKER_00
And they re like, no, no, no, but we haven t got a backup.
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And we can t invite someone last minute because it would look bad on them.
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But because you re a nobody basically, you can give the talk.
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And I was just like, so I started preparing and I had three days.
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So I started preparing, I started doing it.
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I went up there and I just did it.
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And I loved it.
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And I was like, ah, this is my, this is, this feels right for me.
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And I would never have discussed that if I didn t get pushed into it.
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It would never have happened.
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That s a beautiful story.
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Never have happened.
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And so I think so many times that you re so right.
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And I love that you addressed the first part about belief of what we deserve.
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I just want that to sit with people because Ed, the way you like,
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Just put that out there.
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I m like, that is exactly it.
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There is some part of us that just doesn t believe we deserve the level of success we re striving for.
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And those subtle subconscious air conditioners of our lives that cool down show up as coincidences.
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You know, but really, they re not there by design, because you re going to call your life back to what you believe you deserve every day.
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When I work with athletes, they re like, what do you do with the pro athletes you work with?
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I m mainly you know, this, even what do most people want?
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Like when you re someone s really successful, what are you working on?
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I go, usually their identity or their confidence, usually those two things.
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And their identity is the more important thing.
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Now, the other thing that happens is for a lot of people with their identities, they ll attach their identity.
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to the external, to their beauty, to their performance, to their career.
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And then when they lose that career or they lose that NFL football career they ve got, then they don t know who they are without it.
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So this identity should be deeply rooted in who you are, not just what you do.
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Yeah, let s talk about that, because I ve been playing around with that a lot myself lately and in trying to articulate that.
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Because I think the world has convinced us that what we do is our value.
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So even people s introductions to themselves is, oh, yeah, I m an accountant.
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I m a lawyer.
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I m an author.
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I m a coach.
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I m a podcaster, whatever it is.
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We re describing I am followed by a doing word.
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not a being word.
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And so even our value in society is oh so and so went to that college or so and so has that job like we see value.
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And even in the past the way you had value was someone was a blacksmith and someone was a baker and that was their value.
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And then even before that we used to barter because of what we did and then we could trade that.
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So so much of identity for
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hundreds of years has been tied up in what we do.
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By the way, it s a you re so brilliant, bro.
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I love our conversations.
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It s a very dangerous way to live your life.
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When your identity is tied up in what you do as a rather than who you are, as you say being, you re in a very dangerous place.
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Because if it s tied to those things, and they then they don t exist, you re completely lost without them.
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And it is a very shallow, and I don t mean like shallow in the sense that like, you know, shallow like a treasure.
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I mean, it s not a very, there s not a lot of depth to that identity that is long lasting when it s attached to what we do or what we look like or what we ve achieved.
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You know, you ll say that you re right.
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I ve just I just met someone the other day who I knew immediately they lacked a strong identity because they can they immediately just resumed me.
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I did this, I did that, I achieved this, I was written here, I was that, and I went.
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I actually stopped them, because I really liked them.
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And I won t say who she was, but I said, you know, I really like you.
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I like you.
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What impresses me is you, who you are, your kindness.
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She s brilliant, by the way, this woman too.
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You re so brilliant.
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You re so kind.
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That s your identity.
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Your identity isn t your MBA.
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Your identity isn t your career.
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That s not your identity, but they ve linked it to that.
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And it is a dangerous way to live your life and it s not a deep way to live your life.
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A deep way to live your life where you can make impact in multiple areas is to root your identity in who you are, those intentions, the things that you believe to be true, your character.
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the way you conduct yourself, your value in life, your value, your valuable, that s where identity is deeply rooted, not in the external.
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It s okay to be proud of your degree or your achievement or your career or your company.
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That s different.
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Being proud of something and having a sense of gratitude for what you ve achieved, that s great.
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But when you link your identity to it, you re in a dangerous and shallow place.
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Absolutely.
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Last question, Ed.
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We ve talked about peace.
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We ve talked about productivity.
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How does it not lead to burnout when you re trying to do all this, right?
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You re working on the internal self, you re working on the productivity.
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It s like, gosh, Jay, I m, I m exhausted trying to do all this and exhausted trying to manage.
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Like I want to be successful, but I want to be spiritual.
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I m trying to do, I want to be everything and do everything.
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Like how do you, how have you managed and what have been your reflections on burnout, exhaustion, and then of course ruining relationships in the process?
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Well, I ve done all those.
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So I have experience in burnout and ruining relationships and messing things up.
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And here s what I ve learned.
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I want all the things I want, but I don t have to have them right now.
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And it s the right now of life.
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I got to be in a hurry.
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I got to do it.
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I got to do it.
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I got to do it now, now, now, now.
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There s a power of now.
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Some people lack the ability to operate in the now.
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But for me, it s I have built into my life rest.
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Last night, I slept 12 hours.
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Wow.
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And the reason was is I ve been getting to the point right now where I m tinkering on the edge of too much now, too much now, too much now.
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And so I reflect back on my faith.
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I reflect back on I love, I mean, there s basic things I know you do, but I m a big person on earthing and grounding.
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I love to get outdoors.
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I love to put my bare feet in the ground and let that recharge me.
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I m real big on my recharge stuff now.
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And sometimes that means lots of sleep, believe it or not.
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I used to brag that I got five or six hours of sleep and I could operate on that.
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And I ve learned over time, maybe there s a season for that that s great, but there s also a season where I listen to my body.
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You re the best at this, but I ve gotten better at listening to my spirit and my body.
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And when my spirit is screaming at me, you need to rest, you need to recharge.
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I listen to my body, especially at 52 years old, my body will speak to me even more now than sometimes it ever has in my life.
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And I listen to it and I ve given myself the gift.
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I m not afraid anymore.
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You and I have talked about this privately.
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I m not afraid anymore that I m going to lose momentum.
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I can say no to something.
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I can rest.
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I can recharge.
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I can reflect.
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And it doesn t mean I m going to lose momentum.
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I used to believe if I don t keep going, I m going to lose the momentum I ve got.
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And the truth is, that s an insecurity in me.
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That s my lack of identity screaming at me.
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And there s really three things, whether you believe in whatever your spiritual beliefs are.
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But if I was the adversary or the devil, what would I do to try to get you off track?
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What would I do?
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There s really three things.
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The first thing I would do is I get you to doubt.
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Three D s.
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I ll get you to doubt.
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Can I get Jay Shetty doubting himself?
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Doubting that it matters?
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Doubting his ability?
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Doubting he can go to the next level?
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I m going to get him to doubt.
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Well, that s been happening.
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Yeah.
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Me too.
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Me too.
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I can see it on your face right now.
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Me too.
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Doubting me.
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The second thing is I ll get them discouraged.
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I ll have a real critic.
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I ll have some hits.
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I ll have a miss or two.
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Swing and a miss, right?
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If I can get them discouraged, then I got them.
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And the third thing, if I can t do that or I ll do both, I ll get them a bit delusional.
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Delusion is believing something s worse than it is or better than it is and you thought stack and you start to stack it.
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What about this?
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What about this?
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What about this?
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What about this?
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And I get you magnifying something to believe that it s a far bigger problem and it is far more dramatic than it is or far better than it is.
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You just explained my last 12 months.
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Oh my God.
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Wow.
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And so those are the three D s.
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And so it s, it s doubt, discouragement and delusion.
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And what I try to do is when I see them showing up and they do, I go, I know exactly what this is.
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This is, this is the negative coming to get me.
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This is, this is trying to get me off course in my dreams and my vision and my contribution.
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And I am not going to let other people be cheated because I doubt, and I m discouraged, and I m delusional.
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And so I really focus.
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when those things come up, and I identify them when they re there, and I root them out because I know where they re coming from.
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And they re not coming from good.
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They re not coming from God.
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They re not coming from high vibrational frequency.
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They re coming from the worst of the worst.
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And so I absolutely rid them out when they show up.
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Ed, that is a huge gift to me.
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You have no idea.
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You have no idea.
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Okay, brother.
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Well, good.
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Genuinely, you have no idea.
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Well, you re a gift to me every time.
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No, that s a real gift.
8
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Ed Mylett, everyone.
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Follow Ed on Instagram if you don t already.
8
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Go and listen to his podcast, Max Outt and books.
8
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I mean, no, no, no new books right now.
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Just The Power of One More.
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Yeah, The Power of One More was the book we discussed last time.
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The Power of One More.
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I m here to help anybody any way I can, man.
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Ed, you re the best.
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Thank you so much for coming back.
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Love you.
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Love these conversations.
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Honestly, they re so healing and therapeutic to me.
8
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I feel like I m that 72 spending time with the 95.
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It s like, it really does heat me up.
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Honestly, genuinely, like these, these are such life-giving conversations for me.
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So I m so glad we recorded.
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I m so glad we got to share it and grateful, man.
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Genuinely grateful.
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So am I, brother.
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You re a blessing in my life.
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You re a blessing.
8
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If you love this episode, you ll enjoy my interview with Dr. Daniel Amen on how to change your life by changing your brain.
8
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If we want a healthy mind, it actually starts with a healthy brain.
8
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You know, I ve had the blessing or the curse to scan over a thousand convicted felons and over a hundred murderers, and their brains are very damaged.
8
SPEAKER_00
For all the parents out there, picture that it s bedtime.
8
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You and the kids have been busy all day.
8
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You know they re tired, but for some reason, they just won t go to sleep.
8
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And for this reason, I created the podcast Bedtime History.
8
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Bedtime History is a series of relaxing history stories that end with an inspirational message.
8
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With over 2,000 positive parent reviews, Bedtime History is one of the top education podcasts.
8
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Join me and listen to Bedtime History every Monday and Thursday on iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
8
SPEAKER_05
Imagine you asked two people the same seven questions.
8
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I m Minnie Driver, and this was the idea I set out to explore in my podcast, Minnie Questions.
8
SPEAKER_05
This year, we bring a whole new group of guests to answer the same seven questions, including Courtney Cox, Rob Delaney, Liz Phair, and many, many more.
8
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Join me on season three of Minnie Questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your favorite podcasts.
8
SPEAKER_05
Seven questions, limitless answers.
8
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Hey, everybody, welcome to Across Generations, where the voices of Black women unite.
8
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I m your host, Tiffany Cross.
8
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Join me and be a part of sisterhood, friendship, wisdom, and laughter.
8
SPEAKER_01
We gather a seasoned elder, myself as the middle generation, and a vibrant young soul for engaging intergenerational conversations, prepare to engage or hear perspectives that literally no one else has had.
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SPEAKER_01
Listen to Across Generations podcasts on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.