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SPEAKER_03
 Bring a little optimism into your life with The Bright Side, a new kind of daily podcast from Hello Sunshine, hosted by me, Danielle Robay.
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SPEAKER_03
And me, Simone Boyce.
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Every weekday, we're bringing you conversations about culture, the latest trends, inspiration, and so much more.
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I am so excited about this podcast, The Bright Side.
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You guys are giving people a chance to shine a light on their lives, shine a light on a little advice that they want to share.
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SPEAKER_06
 Listen to The Bright Side on America's number one podcast network, iHeart.
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Open your free iHeart app and search The Bright Side.
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SPEAKER_07
Hey, everyone, this is Molly and Matt, and we're the hosts of Grown Up Stuff How to Adult, a podcast from Ruby Studio and iHeart Podcasts.
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It's a show dedicated to helping you figure out the trickiest parts of adulting.
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SPEAKER_07
 like how to start planning for retirement, creating a healthy skincare routine, understanding when and how much to tip someone, and so much more.
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Let's learn about all of it and then some.
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SPEAKER_09
Listen to Grown Up Stuff How to Adult on America's number one podcast network, iHeart.
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SPEAKER_09
Open your free iHeart app and search Grown Up Stuff.
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SPEAKER_08
This is the story of how a group of people brought music back to Afghanistan by creating their own version of American Idol.
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SPEAKER_08
 The joy they brought to the nation.
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You're free completely.
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SPEAKER_05
No one is there to destroy you.
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SPEAKER_08
The danger they endured.
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They said my head should be cut off.
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I'm John Legend.
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SPEAKER_08
Listen to Afghan Star on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
0
SPEAKER_01
 Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health and wellness podcast in the world, thanks to each and every single one of you.
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SPEAKER_01
I want to thank you for having stayed with us throughout 2020, for using us as your source of inspiration.
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 insight, inspiration, and support during this really, really tough time.
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SPEAKER_01
And I want to share with you why I think today's guest is going to help us go even deeper into an understanding of ourselves.
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Today, I'm speaking with none other than Kelly Rowland, someone who needs no introduction,
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 But we'll be talking today about motherhood and feeling powerful and her new incredible music.
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Kelly's a musician, actor, and TV personality, well-known for also being a coach on The X Factor.
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This year, Kelly released new hits like Coffee, Crazy, and Hitman, and I just saw the music video for that, and it's epic.
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And most exciting of all, Kelly is preparing to welcome her second child very, very soon.
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 Kelly, thank you so much for doing this.
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I'm so grateful to finally be talking with you.
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I'm so excited to be talking to you.
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I literally feel like I know you and your beautiful wife.
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I can't wait for us to actually meet.
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We started connecting and interacting earlier this year.
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 And for me, obviously, for me and my wife, we've been long, long, long-term fans.
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And to see you just share such positive energy and insight and diving into difficult conversations, I was so drawn to that and attracted to how you were using your platform for that.
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And I'm so glad we get to share this space together today.
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 Me too.
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I'm so excited.
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And I think I've been waiting for our conversation.
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So just happy that it's presented itself today, for sure.
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 Yeah, absolutely.
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And I wanted to start because we are in the holiday season, and I do think it's always nice to celebrate and be optimistic around the things that are around us.
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And you recently starred in and executive produced a new movie called Merry Little Christmas.
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And I wanted to ask you, what excites you about the holiday season after so many years?
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What are you doing for the kids to make it feel special and different?
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 You know what, I just remember being a kid and we didn't have much, you know, growing up.
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And I remember my mom and I living with my great aunts and, you know, wanting something as simple as, they were all in rocking chairs.
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So I literally wanted, I asked for a red rocking chair like my Aunt Lillian.
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I literally wrote that to Santa and said that that's what I wanted.
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 So, when it came to Christmas, I just remember never really asking for a whole lot.
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I knew that we couldn't really do it.
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And so, when I had my son, I went crazy.
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 I went a little crazy with the presents, but I realize I've had to scale it back a bit just so he can understand how important giving is, just as much as we love receiving things.
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 how important giving is.
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So that was always a really big thing in my household.
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And then I started growing up watching all these holiday movies and how I just wanted a piece of all these movies in my life.
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And so to be able to have those experiences and then be able to
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 executive producing star in a Christmas movie is really kind of mind-blowing and just like sends me into a whole like, oh my gosh, this is awesome.
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So I don't take any opportunity for granted for sure.
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 Yeah, I love that.
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I love that.
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And yeah, I look forward to watching it.
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I'm really looking forward to it.
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Me and my wife are going to watch it together.
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We've been... I'm so glad that it's December now where I feel like I'm finally allowed to start watching festive movies, put the music on.
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And so I'm really looking forward to it.
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But, you know, obviously everyone's celebration is different this year.
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And something that you celebrated this year is that you did your baby shower virtually.
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 I believe, which is obviously different to what you've done before.
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Tell us how different that was and what that experience was like now living it in this year and how you were able to do it in such a meaningful and beautiful way.
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 You know what?
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I mean, for so many of us out here, I think that when we are having these moments where we keep thinking about, I know for me, I keep thinking about the fact that we're just in our homes and we have everything we need, you know, but I can't help but to think about other people who don't have everything that they need.
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So what can I do?
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I'm not the only person having a baby.
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You know what I mean?
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Not the only person preparing for it.
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 So, if I know that's the truth, what else can I do?
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And I've been doing work with Baby 2 Baby and been an angel, a Baby 2 Baby angel for a couple of years now.
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And just seeing firsthand what they do and what we do together as a community of women and together as a community as well when we have, of course, the fundraisers and everything.
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 It's necessary.
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You know what I mean?
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The work is necessary.
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Essential basic needs for kids and their families is necessary.
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No child asked to come into this world.
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And when we get gifted the responsibility of a child,
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 You know, and life happens or circumstances happen.
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I think that it's our job to care for each other as best as we can.
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And that's what we do over at Baby 2 Baby.
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And I just really wanted to do that because I literally had everything from Titan's birth.
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So I'm just like, I got a crib.
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OK, what else can I get?
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And I'm just like, I'll just get it.
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You know what I mean?
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And I just wanted to do that for someone else.
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 I love that.
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I love that we haven't even been talking for like five minutes and all you've been talking about is giving and helping and supporting and serving and I love that because it's just your heart and it just emanates from you and we were speaking briefly before we started recording and even when you came on and you said my name and you said it in a way that we knew each other and I felt that and I was like, you know, I love that.
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 For you, it feels like gratitude and service and giving just feel like such central pillars.
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Has that always been the case or was this something you had to work on and develop or where did that come from?
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I think it came from family, faith.
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 Being in a position where I've not had everything, you know what I mean?
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And knowing what that felt like.
0
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Wanting help and sometimes not wanting to say what it is that I needed, you know what I mean?
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 just watching my mom.
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My mom worked really hard, and I had two moms growing up.
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You know what I mean?
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I had my mom, of course, who God rest her soul, and I watched her work her butt off.
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And then I had B's mom, Beyonce's mom, Tina, and I watched her work.
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So I had these two dynamics of motherhood and women
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 and focus and everything.
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And I just feel really blessed by that because they both taught me to give and they taught me to be a cheerful giver.
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And I think my faith, of course, above anything has made me a cheerful giver, but I love it.
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You know what I mean?
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It makes me feel good from the inside.
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I feel like we're all here
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 to serve a purpose and to be responsible.
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And that makes me feel whole.
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It makes me feel whole.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
I feel it.
0
SPEAKER_01
That's so beautiful.
0
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It's amazing to hear that even though you mentioned how
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 you started out with nothing and that even despite how your life has changed, it seems like the thing that gives you the greatest joy is still giving and supporting and serving others, which is so beautiful.
0
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How was it growing up with two incredible role models?
0
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Because it sounds like that was such a special thing to see two women that were so powerful, professionally focused, but also able to inspire you in that way.
0
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What was that experience like?
0
SPEAKER_05
 Well, I mean, to be honest, my relationship with my mom, even as a kid, was really interesting, to say the least.
0
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We all have those stories.
0
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But I always watched her give.
0
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I always watched her give in church, in service.
0
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 I think that she's the one that solidified the faith-giving for me.
0
SPEAKER_05
And then when it came to watching her sacrifice, I don't think I really appreciated her sacrifice, Jay, till she passed.
0
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So I had this moment maybe two or three years after her passing where I said, oh my gosh, that's why she did that.
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 You know what I mean?
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And I literally took this moment and I was quiet and I said a prayer and I just told her, thank you for the sacrifice.
0
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Now I get it.
0
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I know what that took.
0
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I know how hard it was.
0
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And it was so much forgiveness there.
0
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And I didn't realize how much I needed it.
0
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 And it was necessary for life.
0
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So between that and then the dynamic with my Mama T, as I call her, my Mama T was just always giving.
0
SPEAKER_05
And when it came to, whether it was tithing in church,
0
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 Or even recently, there's a young woman who's building a charity and she's doing it in a specific way that we really respect and love.
0
SPEAKER_05
And she was like, we need to really help this woman out because she just don't know what she going to do.
0
SPEAKER_05
She explains everything.
0
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I'm like, okay, okay, okay.
0
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Let's just get it done.
0
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You know what I mean?
0
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To this day, I'm grown and I'm still
0
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 getting these calls, like, no, no, no, this needs to happen.
0
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Make sure you do it today, baby, because she needs to make sure that she's, you know what I mean?
0
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It's that.
0
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And after all these years, it's still like that.
0
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And it's still important.
0
SPEAKER_05
And it's even more important now because I have a child and having another child and you are the first example.
0
SPEAKER_01
 Yeah.
0
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I love what you said there, that even though you realized it was after your mother passed away of her sacrifice, that you still took that moment to express a prayer and gratitude and thanks to her even then.
0
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And I think that's such a beautiful, powerful message for all of us, if anyone who's listening or watching.
0
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 has lost someone this year or in the past.
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And obviously it's never easy, whether it was this year or any year.
0
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And I just want you to take a note from what Kelly just said, is that you can still pray, send love, send gratitude to that person, whether they're still physically present or not.
0
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And I think that that's such a beautiful way to live because I've spoken about it a couple of times about how I lost
0
SPEAKER_01
 One of my greatest spiritual mentors in my life, who was like a father to me, he passed away this year after suffering from stage four brain cancer.
0
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So he didn't pass from COVID.
0
SPEAKER_01
 It was so hard because I couldn't go back for his funeral because of COVID.
0
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And so I couldn't actually see him before he passed away, or I couldn't obviously go to his funeral, which I really wanted to attend.
0
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And the only thing that's really helped me go through, of course, faith, but the understanding that
0
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 trying to be what he wants me to become and the qualities that he had in his heart, that keeps him alive for me and it makes him feel very real and with me.
0
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And I think that, you know, I think what you shared there is really, really powerful and beautiful about, even though you noticed it afterwards, you were still able to connect in that way.
0
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So thank you for sharing that.
0
SPEAKER_05
 Of course, of course.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
No, I really appreciate that.
0
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I think it's going to help.
0
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I think that's going to help a lot of people, this year especially, because everyone's lost something and people have lost someone.
0
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And so, you know, I think that's going to be really powerful.
0
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I want to switch to talking about your intention behind naming your children, because I think it's so beautiful and powerful.
0
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And obviously your son's called Titan Jewel, which is like, what a powerhouse name.
0
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 And I wanted to understand, how do you see naming differently or your intention behind how you select names?
0
SPEAKER_01
And I'm not going to ask you to share any names or anything, just to understand that better.
0
SPEAKER_05
With Titan's name, I kept thinking about
0
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 wanting to give him strength that I felt like I didn't have or a strength that I felt like I was still working on.
0
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And here's how the universe works.
0
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So my husband named him Titan.
0
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And I was like, what a great name.
0
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And he's like, yeah, I think it'll be great.
0
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And then my husband's father was named, his middle name was Jewel.
0
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 So Titan Jewel, and I kept thinking about, oh, he's the jewel and our crown and all this other kind of stuff.
0
SPEAKER_05
But it was so interesting because his name actually gave...
0
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 I needed to hear his name at the time when I had him.
0
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You know what I mean?
0
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Just to remind myself I was built for this, I was ready for motherhood, because I was nervous at first, as we all would be for parenthood, period.
0
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But I kept hearing his name, and his name was just constantly like,
0
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 not just feeding my life, but feeding everything that I was doing in this weird way.
0
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I don't think I've ever spoken about this, but it just kept reminding me.
0
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You know what I mean?
0
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It was, of course, about his name, which I feel like he is so strong.
0
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 Head strong, physically strong, just strong, period.
0
SPEAKER_05
But he reminds his space about that, everywhere that he goes.
0
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It's so interesting.
0
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But I felt like intention is really important behind our children's names and what does it mean.
0
SPEAKER_05
Or if it's somebody that you even admire, I kept thinking about, well, what am I going to name this baby?
0
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You know what I mean?
0
SPEAKER_05
 wrote down so many different things.
0
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And funny enough, me and Titan, I was in Vancouver filming and Titan was here.
0
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I wrote down one of the names and Titan calls me and tells me that he wants to name the baby this name.
0
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And it was one of the names that I wrote down.
0
SPEAKER_05
No way.
0
SPEAKER_01
That's amazing.
0
SPEAKER_05
 So I was like, whoa!
0
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It was so cool.
0
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So he named the baby.
0
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I was literally like, this is perfect.
0
SPEAKER_01
I love that.
0
SPEAKER_01
I love that.
0
SPEAKER_01
And that's so interesting though, what you said there, because I didn't think about it like that when I was asking the question and you were saying you hadn't said that before or shared that before around how actually the way you name your kid gave you strength at a time when you needed it.
0
SPEAKER_01
 And that's so powerful to think of it that way, that we always... I'm not a parent yet, and my wife and I look forward to when we can be and when we choose to be, but the idea of you always think you're giving to your children, but as a mother and as I've heard from many parents, it's like so often the kids are teaching you.
0
SPEAKER_05
I'm honestly constantly a student.
0
SPEAKER_05
 It's so interesting how you are in this space where you're like, it doesn't matter if you're the parent, they're constantly teaching you everything.
0
SPEAKER_05
I just feel like they're constantly teaching you everything.
0
SPEAKER_05
And he's made me a better person.
0
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He's made me a better woman.
0
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He's made me a better businesswoman.
0
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I just feel like he's taught me a lot about love and forgiveness.
0
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 It's amazing.
0
SPEAKER_05
And marriage has, too, by the way.
0
SPEAKER_05
Ooh, marriage.
0
SPEAKER_05
Hey!
0
SPEAKER_05
Would you like to say hi to Mr. J?
0
SPEAKER_01
Hey, how's it going?
0
SPEAKER_01
So nice to meet you.
0
SPEAKER_05
Baby, not this early.
0
SPEAKER_05
No ice cream this early, baby.
0
SPEAKER_05
 But I already had ice cream.
0
SPEAKER_05
I know, but you can have some tonight.
0
SPEAKER_05
We'll have some together.
0
SPEAKER_05
Can we save it for together time, please?
0
SPEAKER_03
OK, but can I have some, like, a snack?
0
SPEAKER_05
You can have a snack.
0
SPEAKER_05
Go, go, go.
0
SPEAKER_05
But listen, can you do me a favor?
0
SPEAKER_05
Can I have this time?
0
SPEAKER_05
I have, like, 50 more minutes, OK?
0
SPEAKER_05
Thank you, sweetheart.
0
SPEAKER_01
 Oh, that was adorable.
0
SPEAKER_01
He's so cute.
0
SPEAKER_01
He's so cute.
0
SPEAKER_01
I love it.
0
SPEAKER_01
I love it.
0
SPEAKER_01
Asking for ice cream at 11.30am.
0
SPEAKER_01
That's the best.
0
SPEAKER_01
That's amazing.
0
SPEAKER_01
I love it.
0
SPEAKER_01
It was also wonderful to see your interaction with him.
0
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It's so sweet.
0
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But you were saying he's taught you a lot.
0
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And marriage.
0
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And marriage too.
0
SPEAKER_05
Yeah.
0
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I mean, just patience.
0
SPEAKER_05
You have no choice, but I didn't think I had any patience.
0
SPEAKER_05
No, I'm serious.
0
SPEAKER_05
 I was like, this is not the first time I felt like a real big tension.
0
SPEAKER_05
I was like, this is not going to go well.
0
SPEAKER_05
And my only understanding of figuring things out is just to dismiss them.
0
SPEAKER_05
 Do you know what I mean?
0
SPEAKER_05
To not handle it or communicate it or talk it out.
0
SPEAKER_05
So communication has been the longest freaking road of my life with everything.
0
SPEAKER_01
Give us an example of something where you've seen that shift.
0
SPEAKER_01
 someone could go, oh, I see that in myself too, because I think there's a lot of people nodding right now back at home or listening and watching going.
0
SPEAKER_01
I feel that like, you know, so many reminders.
0
SPEAKER_01
Tell us about a shift that you experienced, if you can.
0
SPEAKER_05
Yeah, of course.
0
SPEAKER_05
Marriage.
0
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Marriage.
0
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First of all, the, oh gosh, it was just a really big misunderstanding.
0
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 and between my husband and I. And I'll never forget not saying exactly that I was wrong.
0
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You know what I mean?
0
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Because I think that sometimes, like, we sometimes hate to be the one that is inflicting pain.
0
SPEAKER_05
 or inflicting the misunderstanding.
0
SPEAKER_05
And you don't mean to do it, of course, but I think that life...
0
SPEAKER_05
 just books, experience, relationships, they all teach you, like, you know, you try to navigate your way through people as much as you can.
0
SPEAKER_05
And I think that understanding comes with understanding yourself and understanding others as well.
0
SPEAKER_05
But I do think that you have to have this level of understanding for self, like, ooh, I know that I do that, it's probably wrong.
0
SPEAKER_05
But when you see it, you have to like,
0
SPEAKER_05
 be able to call it out.
0
SPEAKER_05
And so when I was able to call it out and I said what it was, it was like he kind of looked at me like,
0
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 You know what I mean?
0
SPEAKER_05
And I'll say that I'm wrong, but this time I was like, it was one that I didn't like about myself.
0
SPEAKER_05
It's always that one thing you're like, ooh, I wore that and that's really ugly.
0
SPEAKER_05
I don't like that.
0
SPEAKER_05
And because you see it and it's really ugly, you don't like it.
0
SPEAKER_05
And it just can't possibly exist in you, but yes, it can.
0
SPEAKER_05
 So yeah, it was a matter of seeing that, calling it out, and just moving forward and apologizing and having humiliation and just saying, it's OK.
0
SPEAKER_05
It's a part of it.
0
SPEAKER_05
 Moving on.
0
SPEAKER_01
That's so interesting.
0
SPEAKER_01
It's like wearing a bad outfit and never wanting anyone to see that picture ever again.
0
SPEAKER_01
And you're like trying to hide it and like facing it, but even more deeper.
0
SPEAKER_01
But that's so interesting what you said that...
0
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 we're scared to address things when we really don't like that about ourselves.
0
SPEAKER_01
And often it comes out when it's also we're scared because it almost feels like it's a weakness, not a strength.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like it feels like a weakness to be like, I'm wrong.
0
SPEAKER_01
I have this part of me that I want to work on when actually that is strength, right?
0
SPEAKER_01
Like that is courage.
0
SPEAKER_01
We would encourage children to be honest with us.
0
SPEAKER_01
 Or we would encourage children to tell us when they feel uncomfortable with something.
0
SPEAKER_01
But yeah, we get scared of that because we see it as a weakness.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I think that that's a really powerful lesson that you're sharing with us all is that
0
SPEAKER_01
 Be in our relationships, and this is a little practical activity for everyone who's listening right now.
0
SPEAKER_01
This week, observe your relationship with your partner, your parent, your child, whoever it is you want, and practice what Kelly's just shared with us.
0
SPEAKER_01
Look at something where you're scared of admitting that you're wrong.
0
SPEAKER_01
 And ask yourself, is it because it's something you don't like about yourself?
0
SPEAKER_01
And then reframe that as a strength to realize that it's not a weakness, it's actually a strength to address that, because that's a really powerful takeaway.
0
SPEAKER_01
I think me and my wife... Say that again, Kelly, say it.
0
SPEAKER_05
 But it's hard, though, y'all.
0
SPEAKER_05
It's hard.
0
SPEAKER_05
And the truth is, you may not see it at first, and sometimes it takes a while, or sometimes it takes a couple of years.
0
SPEAKER_05
And when you do finally see it, just call it out.
0
SPEAKER_05
And it has no space in a negative way in any part of your life, because if it shows up in one place, it's going to show up everywhere else.
0
SPEAKER_05
 in some sort of way.
0
SPEAKER_05
And I just, I didn't want it to do that.
0
SPEAKER_05
And I was like, oh gosh, I didn't want it to do that.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
You're right.
0
SPEAKER_01
We have to be patient with ourselves and hopefully we've surrounded ourselves with people that are patient with us too, because that's needed sometimes.
0
SPEAKER_01
I know there's plenty of things that I've got wrong in my relationship and Radhi's been super patient with me about.
0
SPEAKER_01
 And, and, you know, you need that.
0
SPEAKER_01
You need someone who's patient with you and allows you to figure it out while you're figuring it out.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I think sometimes we make the mistake of trying to fix the other person and change them.
0
SPEAKER_01
And it's almost like you just need to be patient while someone heals themselves.
0
SPEAKER_01
You know, it's like, yeah, you can't always be the one to like engineer it perfectly for them.
0
SPEAKER_01
They, sometimes they just need to feel that you have patience and you're there for them.
0
SPEAKER_02
 When you find that bright spot to help you get through your day, it's powerful.
0
SPEAKER_03
That's where The Bright Side comes in.
0
SPEAKER_03
A new daily podcast from Hello Sunshine that's bringing you a daily dose of joy.
0
SPEAKER_03
I'm Danielle Robay.
0
SPEAKER_02
And I'm Simone Boyce.
0
SPEAKER_02
Listen, both Danielle and I are reporters.
0
SPEAKER_02
We've covered the news and we know the world can feel heavy, but The Bright Side podcast is a space to have a little fun, to learn something new and get into some friendly debates.
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SPEAKER_03
 That's right.
0
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Join us five days a week to see how life can look from the bright side.
0
SPEAKER_02
We'll hear from celebrities, authors, experts and listeners like you, whether it's relationships, friend advice or figuring out how to navigate life's transitions.
0
SPEAKER_02
We'll talk through it all together.
0
SPEAKER_03
Listen to the bright side from Hello Sunshine every weekday on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
0
SPEAKER_07
 Hey everyone, this is Molly and Matt and we're the hosts of Grown Up Stuff How to Adult, a podcast from Ruby Studio and iHeart Podcasts.
0
SPEAKER_09
It's a show dedicated to helping you figure out the trickiest parts of adulting.
0
SPEAKER_07
 like how to start planning for retirement, creating a healthy skincare routine, understanding when and how much to tip someone, and so much more.
0
SPEAKER_09
We're back with season two of the podcast, which means more opportunities to glow up and become a more responsible and better adult, one life lesson at a time.
0
SPEAKER_07
And let me just tell you, this show is just as much for us as it is for you.
0
SPEAKER_07
So let's figure this stuff out together.
0
SPEAKER_07
This season, we're going to talk about whether or not we're financially and emotionally ready for dog ownership.
0
SPEAKER_09
 We're going to figure out the benefits of a high yield savings account.
0
SPEAKER_07
And what exactly are the duties of being a member of the wedding party?
0
SPEAKER_09
All that plus so much more.
0
SPEAKER_07
Let's learn about all of it and then some.
0
SPEAKER_07
Listen to Grown Up Stuff How to Adult on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
0
SPEAKER_10
 Guess what, Mango?
0
SPEAKER_10
What's that, Will?
0
SPEAKER_10
So iHeart is giving us a whole minute to promote our podcast, Part-Time Genius.
0
SPEAKER_11
I know.
0
SPEAKER_11
That's why I spent my whole week composing a haiku for the occasion.
0
SPEAKER_11
It's about my emotional journey in podcasting over the last seven years, and it's called Earthquake House.
0
SPEAKER_10
Mango, I'm going to cut you off right there.
0
SPEAKER_11
Why don't we just tell people about our show instead?
0
SPEAKER_11
Yeah, that's a better idea.
0
SPEAKER_11
 So every week on Part-Time Genius, we feed our curiosity by answering the world's most important questions.
0
SPEAKER_11
Things like, when did America start dialing 911?
0
SPEAKER_11
Is William Shatner's best acting work in Esperanto?
0
SPEAKER_11
Also, what happened to Esperanto?
0
SPEAKER_10
 Plus we cover questions like how Chinese is your Chinese food?
0
SPEAKER_10
How do dollar stores stay in business?
0
SPEAKER_10
And of course, is there an Illuminati of cheese?
0
SPEAKER_10
There absolutely is.
0
SPEAKER_11
And we are risking our lives by talking about it.
0
SPEAKER_11
But if you love mind-blowing facts, incredible history, and really bad jokes, make your brains happy and tune in to Part-Time Genius.
0
SPEAKER_10
Listen to Part-Time Genius on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.
0
SPEAKER_01
 Tell me about one of the things that you mentioned with Titan choosing the name.
0
SPEAKER_01
I remember I'm an older brother to my younger sister.
0
SPEAKER_01
My younger sister is about four and a half years old.
0
SPEAKER_01
I remember holding her since the moment she was born and carrying her around.
1
SPEAKER_02
 And she was like my favorite person in the world.
1
SPEAKER_02
She still is.
1
SPEAKER_02
But definitely when we were kids, I have really good memories of being just old enough to really interact with this.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I remember my parents, the way they prepared me was my mom would say to me, she was like,
1
SPEAKER_02
 pray for a little friend that's gonna come into the world, like pray every day.
1
SPEAKER_02
And so every day for like, since they knew she was already pregnant, I was praying for, you know, a little friend, which ended up having to be my sister.
1
SPEAKER_02
How have you prepared Titan for what's to come?
1
SPEAKER_02
Or like, you know, how does that work?
1
SPEAKER_02
Or yeah, how does that work?
1
SPEAKER_04
 He's really preparing me.
1
SPEAKER_04
He's really preparing me because, first off, I keep thinking about the fact that I love him so much.
1
SPEAKER_04
And for, it's been what, six?
1
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, he's six years old.
1
SPEAKER_04
And for this long, it's taken me to get
1
SPEAKER_04
 pregnant because I was like, do I have the capacity, you know, for two?
1
SPEAKER_04
I was like a little nervous about that.
1
SPEAKER_04
And do I have the patience for two?
1
SPEAKER_04
And this one day, it was like last year, I saw the way me and my husband were just doting over tight and it was just so much.
1
SPEAKER_04
I was like, this is just too much.
1
SPEAKER_04
It's too much.
1
SPEAKER_04
I think it's time to share some space.
1
SPEAKER_04
You know what I mean?
1
SPEAKER_04
So, you know, that's when we started like having the initial conversations about having another one.
1
SPEAKER_04
And
1
SPEAKER_04
 Titan did a video this one day before school and he goes, I want a baby brother.
1
SPEAKER_04
I want a baby sister.
1
SPEAKER_04
And I said, well, which one do you want?
1
SPEAKER_04
So, you know what I mean?
1
SPEAKER_04
He says, I want a baby sister.
1
SPEAKER_04
I want a baby brother.
1
SPEAKER_04
I said, well, I'm glad that you're open to both because we don't know what's going to happen.
1
SPEAKER_04
You know what I mean?
1
SPEAKER_04
Whatever.
1
SPEAKER_04
 So anyways, as soon as we found out that we were pregnant, we waited a while until I had like a little bump.
1
SPEAKER_04
And we finally sat him down and told him.
1
SPEAKER_04
And his reaction, which I do want to share on Instagram because it's really sweet.
1
SPEAKER_04
He was so delighted to share his space and excited because this is what got me.
1
SPEAKER_04
It just broke me.
1
SPEAKER_04
He goes, I won't be lonely anymore.
1
SPEAKER_04
 He felt like when he goes, like, he's still in the bed with us.
1
SPEAKER_04
He's still sleeping with us because he likes the connection.
1
SPEAKER_04
And so he puts his hand like right underneath my armpit here or behind my back.
1
SPEAKER_04
 because he just likes touch, you know what I mean?
1
SPEAKER_04
And I realized we are a very affectionate family.
1
SPEAKER_04
We hug and we snuggle and we kiss and we this and we that.
1
SPEAKER_04
That's just who we are.
1
SPEAKER_04
And all of his friends have siblings, except for maybe two, but he always watches them.
1
SPEAKER_04
And then when one of the kids leaves their siblings, he goes and eases his way in there.
1
SPEAKER_04
So one of his friends, Berkeley, Berkeley has a baby brother.
1
SPEAKER_04
 And he's like, hi, Lennon.
1
SPEAKER_04
Hi, like escorts Lennon all around the house.
1
SPEAKER_04
He does the same thing with another friend, Celine and her baby sister, Kaya.
1
SPEAKER_04
They're all like, he wants to take them all around and show them stuff.
1
SPEAKER_04
And I was like, it's time.
1
SPEAKER_04
 So, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
I love that.
1
SPEAKER_02
That's awesome.
1
SPEAKER_02
That's so cool.
1
SPEAKER_02
It's nice to hear that because I know what it was like for me, so I'm excited for him.
1
SPEAKER_02
And yeah, I'm excited for him and it's going to be a fun journey.
1
SPEAKER_02
I definitely, my youngest sister is like still my best friend and it's such a special bond when you do feel that excitement around
1
SPEAKER_02
 sharing your space with another being and seeing someone grow up and almost feeling somewhat like a parent to them too in that sense.
1
SPEAKER_02
And it's a fun experience.
1
SPEAKER_02
So we're going to come to you for tips on parenting and everything when we get around to it.
1
SPEAKER_02
 I want to switch to talking a bit about the amount of conversation you've been leading and sharing in mental health and community because I think that it's something that's so integral to people's daily lives and now people are becoming a bit more open and communities are starting to
1
SPEAKER_02
 destigmatize the conversation and communities that have struggled with it in the past.
1
SPEAKER_02
I know that from my own experience, the South Asian communities massively struggled with it and being open and honest about it.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I've heard the same about the black community too.
1
SPEAKER_02
And so, you know, it's interesting when you started to share messages, I was wondering what tools
1
SPEAKER_02
 Have you gained from therapy over the years that you feel helped you this year?
1
SPEAKER_02
Were there specific practices or insights or ideas that you really felt were useful this year or any challenging year, even if it's not this year, if there've been other challenging years in your life where you found therapy to be most useful?
1
SPEAKER_04
You know, I feel like
1
SPEAKER_04
 Someone told me before, don't wait to go to therapy when there's something wrong, just go.
1
SPEAKER_04
And I would go when there was something wrong.
1
SPEAKER_04
And so by the time I got there, I was just this, think of a ball of yarn, you know what I mean?
1
SPEAKER_04
But it was a big ball of yarn.
1
SPEAKER_04
 So you're having to undo all of this stuff from so many years.
1
SPEAKER_04
And I think that people think that if you go in one time, even five times, that if everything's going to be OK, that's not the way it goes.
1
SPEAKER_04
Because I feel like you have to unravel all of this stuff to whatever is at the base, the nucleus of whatever that trauma or void or whatever that is.
1
SPEAKER_04
And it takes a while.
1
SPEAKER_04
 It's been a couple things in my life where I just was wondering why I was going through this same thing over and over and over and over again.
1
SPEAKER_04
And so I finally got a chance to talk to
1
SPEAKER_04
 someone who actually became, I feel like he's a soulmate almost, my friend Joe Bolduc.
1
SPEAKER_04
And he has this beautiful Facebook space called Speak to Understand or Speaking to Understand.
1
SPEAKER_04
And we would talk so openly to where it's almost like what I was saying was he would finish my sentence.
1
SPEAKER_04
 And I was like, oh my God, I'm so happy.
1
SPEAKER_04
I finally have somebody who is like understanding what I'm saying.
1
SPEAKER_04
And, and I don't feel, I don't feel, I'm going to use the word crazy.
1
SPEAKER_04
 I don't feel crazy.
1
SPEAKER_04
I don't feel misunderstood.
1
SPEAKER_04
I feel like I'm being heard.
1
SPEAKER_04
And for me, that's what therapy is.
1
SPEAKER_04
I feel like I'm being heard.
1
SPEAKER_04
I feel like I'm communicating everything out.
1
SPEAKER_04
I feel like I'm getting everything out.
1
SPEAKER_04
So by the time I leave, I've literally had a moment where I've left a therapy session and physically felt
1
SPEAKER_04
 like I could have skipped a step.
1
SPEAKER_04
You know what I mean?
1
SPEAKER_04
Because I felt lighter.
1
SPEAKER_04
And I didn't realize in that space or time how much unforgiveness I was holding onto.
1
SPEAKER_04
And it was for
1
SPEAKER_04
 a lot of people.
1
SPEAKER_04
And then I was realizing how self-critical I was and how all of that was connected.
1
SPEAKER_04
And it was just crazy, you know what I mean?
1
SPEAKER_04
When you start to figure everything out.
1
SPEAKER_04
And so I'm figuring it all out and noticing how things are connected and how one has to cancel out the other if you don't get past this one and this will keep you stuck.
1
SPEAKER_04
And I was like, oh,
1
SPEAKER_04
 Oh, you know what I mean?
1
SPEAKER_04
So it's so much to learn.
1
SPEAKER_04
And then before I had Titan, I was like, well, I want to get all this stuff out before I have children.
1
SPEAKER_04
How is that possible?
1
SPEAKER_04
Because every day you're going to go through something new and something else is going to come up and it's just something else to get
1
SPEAKER_04
 past.
1
SPEAKER_04
And I think that there's nothing wrong with that because that's just what life is and that's the beauty of it.
1
SPEAKER_04
Although it is a challenge, but it's still the beauty of it because you should be able at the end of the day to give yourself some credit.
1
SPEAKER_04
And we are truly our greatest competitors, our greatest critique,
1
SPEAKER_04
 And I did that for a long time.
1
SPEAKER_04
And sometimes it still surfaces and I still do that to myself.
1
SPEAKER_04
And it just becomes too toxic.
1
SPEAKER_04
And then you realize how layered that is.
1
SPEAKER_02
What do you think is the greatest challenge you've overcome personally, internally or externally?
1
SPEAKER_02
If you had to be like, this is the challenge that made me realize how strong I was and how critical I didn't want to be of myself.
1
SPEAKER_02
And where I realized that
1
SPEAKER_02
 you know, this was all just layers and conditioning, but actually underneath all of that, there was this powerful, strong, important being that cared and that was loving.
1
SPEAKER_02
What would you say that was?
1
SPEAKER_02
What do you think that was?
1
SPEAKER_04
So many, Jay.
1
SPEAKER_02
I know, it's always hard to pick one.
1
SPEAKER_04
I know.
1
SPEAKER_04
 I think, gosh, definitely the self-critical part.
1
SPEAKER_04
The self-critical part and constantly talking myself out of stuff.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, interesting.
1
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, talking myself, subconsciously too.
1
SPEAKER_04
Like I talk myself out of stuff.
1
SPEAKER_04
And that, what I realized was all like stuff in the past.
1
SPEAKER_04
 Um, and when I was able to talk about it, it was like, this is why, you know, and I, I remember what I did.
1
SPEAKER_04
What do you call the tapping sessions?
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_04
Tapping.
1
SPEAKER_04
So I did tapping and the more I was doing this tapping, um, but I thought it didn't work.
1
SPEAKER_04
 But it came out one day and I literally had a space where I smelled, saw, and felt the space that I was in when the trauma was planted.
1
SPEAKER_04
 Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_04
And I was in a session, and I'll never forget, I remembered what that space was, and it was going in, although I'm sure a lot of people would think, this Kelly, it sounds crazy.
1
SPEAKER_04
But it's not, because your body holds that kind of stuff.
1
SPEAKER_04
 And it remembers it.
1
SPEAKER_04
There's this book that I still have to read called The Body Keeps the Score, I believe.
1
SPEAKER_04
And the body kept that score for sure for 30 plus years.
1
SPEAKER_04
And I had to get past that.
1
SPEAKER_04
 for sure, which, by the way, makes you so conscious in being a parent, because you're like, oh my God, I can't say that to him like this, because if I do, what if it, you know what I mean?
1
SPEAKER_04
Being a parent was a good thing and a bad thing for me, because I'm just thinking too much, you know what I mean?
1
SPEAKER_04
My husband is like, no, babe, it's just a no, just say no.
1
SPEAKER_04
 It's okay, just say no and then move on."
1
SPEAKER_04
And I'm like, yeah, but I don't want to say no to this because what if he thinks that da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da
1
SPEAKER_02
 Yeah, and that's hard.
1
SPEAKER_02
That's hard because you're right that the body does keep a score and we do hold on to these impressions in our mind and our subconscious, and as you mentioned, trauma as well.
1
SPEAKER_02
And trauma also, I think people misunderstand that they feel trauma means
1
SPEAKER_02
 something very physical or something that's very externally abusive, which it can be, but sometimes trauma can come from just how someone perceives something.
1
SPEAKER_02
 Like it may not actually, we may not feel it to be trauma, but because it had a deeper resonance with that person and they interpreted it to be traumatic or tragic, they could actually hold on to it for a lot longer.
1
SPEAKER_02
So you are right that being conscious with your children, et cetera, is powerful.
1
SPEAKER_02
But you're also right that there's the other side where there's this book called Anti-Fragility and it's all about how sometimes when you're
1
SPEAKER_02
 Wait, what is it?
1
SPEAKER_02
Anti-fragility.
1
SPEAKER_02
I think it's cool.
1
SPEAKER_02
I'm checking it now as well.
1
SPEAKER_02
I'm just checking to make sure that I got it right.
1
SPEAKER_04
Because I'm like, I need to read that one.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
Anti-fragile.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
Anti-fragile.
1
SPEAKER_02
Sorry.
1
SPEAKER_02
And it's a term called anti-fragility.
1
SPEAKER_02
And it's the understanding of like,
1
SPEAKER_02
 It's like that balance between, and it's not like tough love or it's not like that.
1
SPEAKER_02
It's the balance between being caring and conscious, but then recognizing that everyone has their own experience as well that they need to grow from.
1
SPEAKER_02
Whereas sometimes if you try and master someone's experience too perfectly, they actually just become fragile.
1
SPEAKER_02
 Yes.
1
SPEAKER_02
Because it's like they've never experienced any sort of... Your muscles only get resilient when they get stressed and pressurized and pushed a bit.
1
SPEAKER_04
You sound like Tim.
1
SPEAKER_04
My husband says the same thing.
1
SPEAKER_04
He's like, no, he has to go through that.
1
SPEAKER_04
Or he has to hear that.
1
SPEAKER_04
You know what I mean?
1
SPEAKER_04
It's always, I'm trying to sometimes save him from something.
1
SPEAKER_04
And Tim is like, no, he has to go through it.
1
SPEAKER_02
 I think the combination is good.
1
SPEAKER_02
I think the middle ground is good.
1
SPEAKER_02
I think it will be the same with my relationship.
1
SPEAKER_02
My wife will be like you.
1
SPEAKER_02
That's definitely how she sees it.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I think I'm going to be like your husband.
1
SPEAKER_02
But I think the combination is good because I think we do need a bit of both.
1
SPEAKER_02
I think all of us would say, oh, we wish we were saved from this or taken care of from this in our lives.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I think all of us will say,
1
SPEAKER_02
 or, I wish I got to try this," or, you know, we're always going to have that.
1
SPEAKER_04
But I'm happy, I will say.
1
SPEAKER_04
A lot of people will have regrets for certain things, and it's like maybe one thing that I have a regret over, but everything else molded me and made me
1
SPEAKER_04
 into the woman that I am today that I'm very proud to be.
1
SPEAKER_04
And I still feel like I'm a student.
1
SPEAKER_04
Like I said about being in motherhood and marriage, I still feel like a student.
1
SPEAKER_04
I still feel like I'm learning.
1
SPEAKER_04
And I'm grateful to have people around to help me to navigate my way through that.
1
SPEAKER_02
You know what I mean?
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, yeah, no, I definitely get that.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I think ultimately all of us have to find that narrative
1
SPEAKER_02
 that what we've been through, because it is just a perception change, but it's when you find that narrative, when you can really look back at your life and be like, I know exactly why I went through that.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I know exactly why that pain came into my life.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I know, and as soon as you do that, you start to retell your story to yourself in a different way.
1
SPEAKER_02
It is so beautiful.
1
SPEAKER_02
And it's so beautiful.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, it's so beautiful.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I've seen some people who've gone through some really horrific things do that.
1
SPEAKER_02
 You know, and when I've seen them do it, it's given me more confidence that if they can do it in the crazy lives that they've had and the stuff they've been through, which is much worse than mine, then that makes sense.
1
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Absolutely.
1
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We learned how to recycle at the beach.
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 That was great fun!
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1
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 When the Taliban banned music in Afghanistan, millions were plunged into silence.
1
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Radios were smashed.
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Cassettes burned.
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You could be beaten or jailed or killed for breaking the rules.
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And yet, Afghans did it anyway.
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This is the story of how a group of people brought music back to Afghanistan by creating their own version of American Idol.
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 The danger they endured.
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They said my head should be cut off.
1
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The joy they brought to the nation.
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You're free completely.
1
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No one is there to destroy you.
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I'm John Legend.
1
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Listen to Afghan Star on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
1
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 A new season of Bridgerton is here.
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And with it, a new season of Bridgerton, the official podcast.
1
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I'm your host, Gabrielle Collins.
1
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And this season, we are bringing fans even deeper into the ton.
1
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Colin Bridgerton has returned from his travels abroad.
1
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Is Betrothal written in the stars for the eligible bachelor?
1
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Meanwhile, the ton is reverberating with speculation of who holds Lady Whistledown's pen.
1
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We're discussing it all.
1
SPEAKER_00
 I sit down with Nicola Coughlin, Luke Newton, Shonda Rhimes, and more to offer an exclusive peek behind the scenes of each episode of the new season.
1
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1
SPEAKER_02
 There's a lot of goodness in that recreating our own narrative and story and picking apart our lives and trying to find meaning in it.
1
SPEAKER_02
And one thing I heard you say is that you formed a Shiko system, which I loved, which I think is a big part of this because I think it's hard to have
1
SPEAKER_02
 I think it's hard to reframe your story without having a Shiko system and having a group of powerful friends and people around you.
1
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Tell us a bit about how you came to that understanding and started seeing it as that, as creating this supportive ecosystem of other women and just also other people.
1
SPEAKER_04
I mean, my Shiko system started... When did it start?
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I mean,
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 10.
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You know what I mean?
1
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When I first started being around the first little versions of Destiny's Child.
1
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You know what I mean?
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And it was understanding
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 girls at that time and growing up in space and boundaries and advice and love, loyalty, trust, being able to give it as well as receive it.
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Can I receive it?
1
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You know what I mean?
1
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It was so much to learn, but I think that
1
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 It's the greatest blessing of my life because my Chico system still is quite intimate, but it grows every now and then.
1
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I literally will look up at God like, please, this is it.
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I don't want no more friends.
1
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This is already enough.
1
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But then you'll meet someone and you realize that sometimes they need a Chico system.
1
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 So it's been times where that's happened and someone will come in and they'll learn about how important we need each other as women.
1
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And I feel like I have the best Chico system in the world.
1
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I really, really do.
1
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 all the elements that fill me and I'm so grateful for and so grateful to have.
1
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So I love my Shiko system.
1
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I love that.
1
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Tell us some of the, if someone's listening or watching right now and they're like, I love that idea.
1
SPEAKER_02
I need to go build my Shiko system.
1
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Tell us some of the like,
1
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 unwritten rules or principles or ideas behind developing one.
1
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If someone's listening going, I really want to do that, what are some of the rules that they can follow or some of the ideas that helped you figure out?
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What you just said is so awesome.
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Oh, actually, I realized I may not want more people, but this person needs someone.
1
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What were some of those ideas that helped build that?
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I say going off of your gut and your heart, for sure.
1
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 I'd also say not judging each other so harshly.
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I find that sometimes as women, we are most hard on each other because I think subconsciously we're looking at another woman and seeing ourselves or being competitive by accident.
1
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Because I think that's just the way society has done for so long.
1
SPEAKER_04
And it's been a part of a control as well.
1
SPEAKER_04
So we have to start undoing that because sometimes
1
SPEAKER_04
 the relationship is bigger than you, if that makes any sense.
1
SPEAKER_04
It's meant to really, you guys learn so much from each other, you know what I mean?
1
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And it's necessary.
1
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 So I think that not judging each other so harshly in it or dismissing once.
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I mean, there are some ground rules.
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We all know that.
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But not dismissing immediately to where it's just like, this person can never win.
1
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 You know, and that's really harsh because I've done it before.
1
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I'm guilty of it for sure.
1
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And I have just like let someone go.
1
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And then when I needed them, I called them back.
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And that's not cool either.
1
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So I feel like
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 it should be a give and take in the relationship.
1
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And sometimes there are going to be moments in any relationship where that other person may need you at that time more than you need them.
1
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And you find the balance of that.
1
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And sometimes you may need
1
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 them more than they need you.
1
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You find the balance.
1
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And you have some of those relationships where it doesn't take a lot.
1
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I have a girlfriend in Houston.
1
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We don't even have to speak every day.
1
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We probably speak every couple weeks or every month or every six months or, oh my God, I can't believe a year has grown by.
1
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We pick up exactly where we left off.
1
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 You know what I mean?
1
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But she's a person that I constantly want to hear from and laugh with, and we have the best time.
1
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And I just feel like those are necessary, too.
1
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 So it's just about being respectful and being kind.
1
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Always the basics.
1
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Speaking about being dismissive and judging harshly, you spoke up.
1
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I remember you shared this and I remember sharing it too from you.
1
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You spoke up about cancel culture and against cancel culture because you strongly believe in this idea of not judging people harshly and not just dismissing them.
1
SPEAKER_02
 And it wasn't that you weren't saying to keep people accountable or I remember you explaining like you value accountability and you value conversation, but not cancel culture.
1
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Can you explain that to us?
1
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Because I think I agreed with you so strongly on that.
1
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And I thought you explained it really well.
1
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And obviously people still find ways to make it not make sense, but give us, I want you to have an opportunity to really explain that so that people can be like, I identify with that.
1
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I understand what that means.
1
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 Yeah, well, I mean, for me, when I was talking about cancel culture, there were elements of it that I didn't understand too, like being completely transparent.
1
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So I respect when people come onto my page or my space, as I say, my space, and are able to articulate intelligently what they want to say to correct me.
1
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I don't mind being corrected, of course, at all.
1
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 But it's a way to say it to where we're trying to understand each other, not trying to bash each other.
1
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Because ain't nobody got time for that.
1
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Life is too short.
1
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It's just ridiculous.
1
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So when there were a couple people who were so beautifully and articulately saying, Kelly, this is the difference.
1
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And I was like, OK, I got it.
1
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And I understand.
1
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People should be held accountable of their actions.
1
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But when we start to
1
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 seep judgment in there and we can't look at ourselves the rest of the way, it's a problem.
1
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To me, it's a problem because I think that we've all seen ourselves in a way where we have this humiliation.
1
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You know what I mean?
1
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 What does that feel like?
1
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You know what I mean?
1
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To stand in humiliation is a really tough place to be.
1
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And it's not to say that they're right, not to say that we're right, not to say that they're just so wrong, not to say that we're so wrong.
1
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It's just not judging.
1
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 You know what I mean?
1
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It's just not judging.
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Just making sure that judgment isn't caught in between there.
1
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Because I feel like I'm human.
1
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I mess up all the time.
1
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And I'm not perfect.
1
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And I am not going to get it right every single time.
1
SPEAKER_04
And there'll be something that you'll find about me where you're like, I don't like that.
1
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And do you write me off?
1
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 Should I never be brought up or hurt or whatever again?
1
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Should I stop talking to you?
1
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How do I help you get out of it even?
1
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And some people will completely disagree with me when I say this, but I feel like when you do live under a microscope for so long, instead of doing this so much, I always feel like, how would I feel like to be on the other side of that?
1
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 And I just, I don't like it.
1
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I don't like it.
1
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And I feel like we can't do that to each other, but I know what the root of that is.
1
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I know what the root of that is.
1
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And I know that the root of it is the self-awareness.
1
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And, you know, we judge ourselves harshly.
1
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We judge ourselves so harshly.
1
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We don't mean to, but somewhere in life or somewhere there, you know what I mean?