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Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous.
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I m Dan Shepard.
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I m joined by Mrs. Monsoon.
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These are stories about people s worst days.
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Yeah, and they re bad.
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One had you in an absolute hyper fit of restricted breathing and panic attack.
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God, yeah, yes.
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Yes, yes.
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These water ones.
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These water ones get you hard.
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Oh my God.
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Even though they shouldn t get me because I have, well, maybe it s because of my trauma from the tubing.
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From the tubing?
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You don t think it predates that?
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No.
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I don t.
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Okay.
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No, I m just kidding.
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I just think, why would I have that level of fear?
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Because I m never going to be in that position.
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You re never going to go.
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Because I can choose it.
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Yeah.
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But then I was.
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Yeah.
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So I guess that s why.
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My apologies again.
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You don t have to apologize.
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I will for the rest of my life.
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No, you didn t do anything.
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It was very fun until that moment though, I will remind you.
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Yeah, it was fun.
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A lot of cute boys, if you recall.
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I do remember that part.
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Yeah.
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An embarrassment of riches in the cute boy department.
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Yeah.
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Okay, please enjoy people s worst day.
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Let s talk to Lily.
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Another Lily.
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Back-to-back Lilies.
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And I m a Lily.
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It s a Lily Shepard.
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Nuh-uh.
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Yeah.
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What if she s the exact combination of you and I, personality-wise?
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Oh my God.
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Is that a Photoshop photo of you with the noses switched?
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She d be a perfect person, right?
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Hi.
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Wait, are you a Lily Shepard?
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I am.
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I meant to tell you before.
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I m not trying to be creepy and mimic your last name.
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I have the same last name as you.
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Well, in Monica s middle name, we re thinking that maybe you might be some sort of hybrid.
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Some celestial being.
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A hybrid.
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Where are you, Lily?
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So I m in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.
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I am finishing my doctorate in clinical psychology, but I m originally from Jacksonville, Florida, which is where the story for today takes place.
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Oh.
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And Jacksonville s a spicy place, no?
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Oh, it is the spiciest.
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Jacksonville Jaguars perfectly describes Jacksonville as a city, and I would say the good place.
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That is pretty accurate.
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I say Jason Mendoza pretty much is the spirit of Jacksonville.
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And am I wrong in that it s hugely populous?
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but we re also the largest landmass city in the United States, but that s because our local government was super racist in the 1970s and decided to consolidate the city to the full county line in order to up the weight of the white vote, because the African-American population was surging at that time, and there was the first black mayoral candidate.
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They didn t want that.
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But I m super into the niche history of Jacksonville.
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My dad had the first racially integrated law firm in the state of Florida, which started in Jacksonville.
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So cool.
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Cool.
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Yeah, I m big on outing the maybe negative parts of Jacksonville and hope that we make them a little bit better.
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Well, what s your favorite part of Jacksonville?
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Good weather, close to Georgia.
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The beach is definitely my favorite part, which is ironically kind of where all of this takes place.
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And the river, we have both and they kind of come together in this nice way on the intercoastal, so there s a lot of water boating.
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Florida Georgia s there, which Florida s after a cocktail party, so there s a lot to do there.
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Did you ever go down?
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Twice.
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I think one of my worst days ever was there.
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What happened?
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Is it called the landing?
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The landing is gone.
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That thing has been demolished.
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They were like, no more landing.
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What was the landing?
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It was a full disaster.
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It was a place you went the night before the game.
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It was just full chaos.
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Oh, and everyone dressed up because it was always over Halloween weekend.
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Always.
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So you dressed up in costume.
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Oh no.
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But I almost got trampled.
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I hated it.
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It wasn t for me.
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Landing wasn t for many people, which is why they ultimately said we can just hold on.
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So it s literally now an empty field where they have free concerts in the summertime.
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Oh, that s a step up.
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I like that.
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Okay.
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So you grew up with a dad that was a lawyer yet.
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He was like, you still gotta make some money.
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You gotta be a delivery person.
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I like this.
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No, worst day.
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Oh God.
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That s why I said I had one of my worst days there.
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Although it s okay because my dad did make me work as a maid on a dude ranch in Wyoming one summer of college, but that s a completely different story.
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That s a different prop.
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Okay.
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Okay.
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I m sorry.
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We just heard from four delivery drivers and I was stuck in delivery driver mode.
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And the last one was named Lily.
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It was a delivery driver.
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That s confusing.
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My apologies.
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This is worst day.
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Okay.
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All right.
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Tell us about your worst day.
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Okay.
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So I m going to set a little context, which is also in addition to my dad being a lawyer, my mom s also a lawyer and I m the youngest of six.
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So just a little context.
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There is a ton of us and my oldest brother and I have 32 years between us.
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So there was nothing that I could do as a teenager that my parents hadn t seen across multiple decades.
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So I very rarely got away with stuff.
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However, being the youngest of six, my parents were a bit more lenient and we have a beach house about 30 minutes away from Jacksonville.
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And my friends and I got together.
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It was the spring of our senior year.
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And ironically, all of this occurred exactly eight years ago as of Sunday.
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because it was for my friend Shelby s 19th birthday.
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So like this has been etched in our brains forever.
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It s notorious for our friend group.
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So we all come together and we re like, you know what?
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Our friend Shelby s turning 19.
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She was the grade above us.
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We re all seniors.
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This is one of our last birthdays.
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We re all going to get together.
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Let s just go crazy.
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Let s have the party that we never get to have at the beach house.
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Let s invite all the guys, let s invite all the girls.
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We are going to pick a weekend.
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My parents are out of town.
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Those all should have been the signs of shit is about to go down.
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You need your mom and dad there and you re going to get in way over your head.
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What s the head count?
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Maximum number of people at the party, probably 75, which is definitely the most that I d ever had.
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My sister one time had a party with 200 people there where they all got sequestered on a balcony.
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But this was by far my biggest party that I endeavored to have at the beach house.
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So we decide, let s go get hibachi.
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Let s go all out for this.
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So we re literally driving to dinner, and I get this feeling in my stomach, like, something is gonna go horribly wrong.
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We re just having way too much fun already for this night to end in anything but peril.
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But I did not heed the warning inside of my head whatsoever.
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We go on with the night.
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We have hibachi.
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Everything s great.
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Everyone s calling me, like, we re headed to the beach house.
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Where should we park?
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We have this whole plan.
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Park at the lot down the street, so that way the cops don t get called.
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We had thought it out.
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And we re driving home, and my friend Laurel is driving in front of me, I m behind her, and out of nowhere, someone just cuts over into her lane and knocks her 10-year-old Honda Pilot into a telephone pole.
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Oh my goodness.
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I hop out of the car, I check on her, she s fine.
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Honda Pilot, not so much.
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It s smoking.
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We re like, okay, this is probably above our pay grade.
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Let s call the police.
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And so we call the cops and we re talking to the guy and we re like, okay, we could probably manage this.
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We re 18.
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We re about to go off to college.
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We don t need to call parents.
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We re fine.
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Until the guy that we got in the wreck with starts freaking out.
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And he s like, my insurance is going to get canceled.
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And we re like, wait, what?
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Yes, the car is smoking, but like, this is also a pretty minor accident.
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Everything should be fine.
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And he s like, you don t understand.
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That s not my car.
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That s a rental.
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I totaled my car last week and we all looked at each other and we were like, all right, Laurel, you got to call your dad.
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So Laurel calls her dad and he comes and gets her and the police officer gets there and he takes our statement and he s typing up all the report and he looks at all of us.
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in our eyes.
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And I still remember this to this day.
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And he says, you girls be safe out there.
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And I was like, Oh, we should all probably go home and have a quiet night and not throw a massive party at the beach house.
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But we did not listen to that.
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We just were like, all right, we survived.
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Let s invite more people.
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I m going to be honest with you.
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I reached out to all my friends.
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None of us remember any of the actual details of the night because we just went home and got obliterated.
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I don t think I ve ever been that drunk in my entire life to the point I woke up the next morning in my own home and I was like, where am I?
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All I know is I wake up and I am in the downstairs bed, which weirdly enough at the time faced the front door.
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And I just hear banging like, open up right now.
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Open the fucking door.
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Are you in there?
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And I m like, okay, it s six o clock in the morning.
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Who is knocking at the door?
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What have we done?
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Is something on fire?
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More on that later.
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So I am like, oh my God, I m not dressed.
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There s a man in bed next to me.
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Well, really a boy.
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I was like, I can t get the door.
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So this boy in his boxers opens the door.
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It is his mother at my front door with his twin brother.
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Because he told his parents that he was going to a movie the night before and was supposed to sneak back into his house.
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And we got involved and he ended up falling asleep.
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So his mom has been up since four in the morning going to different people s houses, trying to find her son because he was missing from his bedroom when she woke up.
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She s afraid he s dead.
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She s in another zone.
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Yeah, yeah.
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You could tell from the sound of her voice.
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But then her fear definitely turned to anger towards me, which I went to elementary school with this boy.
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So I was like humiliated because I know his mom.
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She knows me.
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Where are your parents?
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This is depravity.
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And so I just pulled the sheets above my head and was like, I m just going to try to go back to sleep for a little bit.
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But the way the house is designed, sound carries throughout.
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So there was no going back to sleep.
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Everyone else had been woken up and was like,
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What the hell just happened?
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So we re all kind of laughing in the kitchen and trying to piece together the night.
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And all of a sudden I smell smoke and I m like, something does not smell right in this kitchen.
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And I turn around, I have an electric stovetop there.
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And somehow the electric stovetop, which had a plastic platter of like Cheetos and chips as a snack on it, had gotten turned on.
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So I start screaming because there is a puddle of plastic on top of the stovetop.
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And one of the boys that we had invited over from the fun rival high school was like, oh, I thought that was ground beef.
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Of course, how could he have not?
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In a plastic bowl.
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He thought the plate was ground beef?
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Like what the fuck?
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I m so sorry, I thought that was ground beef.
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So forever we ve referred to this night as Cheetos versus ground beef because how can you mistake the two?
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So I m like in chaos, really, what else can go wrong?
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We ve had a car wreck, a near fire, and I m pretty sure that woman almost just killed me in my own home because her son was missing.
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And so I m just trying to recenter myself.
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And my friend Annie comes out of the bedroom and is like, so disheveled, literally looks like she s been through a wind tunnel.
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And she s like, guys, I know there s a lot going on, but you re never going to believe the dream I had.
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And I m like, Annie, shut up.
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We are dealing with real life here.
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No, I wasn t here about anyone s dreams.
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Just PSA.
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Exactly.
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She goes, no, I had a dream that my car got broken into and I go, okay, I ll tell you what, go check on your car.
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If it didn t get broken into, you have to shut up.
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She calls me Lily.
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My car got broken into.
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They stole all of my medication.
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They stole my wallet.
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They stole all of the clothes in my car.
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So of course we call the police.
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Oh my God.
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And who shows up?
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But the police officer that had dealt with the wreck the night before.
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The first thing he says when he gets to the scene is, so I see you didn t heed my advice.
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We were like, no, sir, we did not.
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And we thought that was going to be the end of our interactions.
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But six months later, my friend Annie got a call that they had found her wallet.
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And the officer was curious if she would be willing to come in and explain why there was a South Carolina driver s license with her photo on it that said she was 22 years old.
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So safe to say, we never went and got the wallet.
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It is still sitting in the Atlantic Beach Police Department evidence room, I m pretty sure, to this day.
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And that was by far the worst day.
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Like, we still reference that party as a notorious event of like, do you remember when everything went absolutely terribly wrong?
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Well, except for this beautiful union of two young lovers.
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Well, that s true.
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SPEAKER_00
Are you guys married now?
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No, no, we are not married.
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It was beautiful until I got a Snapchat a couple months later that was like, hey, we should never tell anyone about that.
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Out of courtesy, I messaged him on Instagram before this and said, just so you know, I m going public with our love story.
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I did not get a response, so you know.
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Oh, that s hilarious.
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That was my horrible day.
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God, it s fun to be young.
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Yeah, when you re 18.
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What happens is you get too excited.
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So you re more excited than anything could ever deliver you smash your car on the way to the party and you re completely incoherent Dream it cuz she was just so blacked out like she probably noticed it.
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That s why she was drunk We did have a tendency to walk down to the beach and swim at night which honestly I m shocked none of us ever got like attacked by a shark or like swept away in a riptide but
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We did have a tendency at these parties to all walk down to the beach and swim and stuff, so I kind of thought maybe the night before she had walked by it and saw it and was just so drunk that she was like, whatever, I ll deal with that in the morning, and then thought she dreamed it.
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We re a contradictory mix of vulnerable and also completely immortal.
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Tough, tough, I know.
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The kind of things that humans do regularly make it through, like swimming blacked out, it s pretty nuts.
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It is.
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It is very nuts, but my worst day led to my best day because I got to talk to y all.
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As someone who s in the mental health profession, the things that you all are doing for the masses listening to this is truly incredible.
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And your Chris Palmer episode, I referenced that all the time when I m working with clients.
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And on a more personal note, I picked going to my doctoral program in Florida because my dad was really sick when I started and he took a really bad turn when I was in my second year and I was driving back and forth every single weekend, four and a half hours.
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And you guys were my companions, my voice of reason.
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And he ultimately ended up passing away.
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in April of 2022.
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And those rides I never would have been able to do if it wasn t for you guys.
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SPEAKER_00
You reminded me of being human in those moments where I needed it most.
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Every single person I meet, I tell them, listen to your podcast because I just love it so much.
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SPEAKER_00
Thank you so much.
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We appreciate you.
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Keep proselytizing.
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We need you out on those Fort Lauderdale streets spreading the word.
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Absolutely.
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It s a pleasure to meet you so much.
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And thank you for sharing that with us.
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Thank you.
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OK.
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Bye bye.
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SPEAKER_03
I tried doing take good care recently.
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SPEAKER_03
It didn t roll off the tongue the way I was hoping.
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SPEAKER_02
Yeah, who had said it to us recently?
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Someone said it on an Armchair Anonymous and then my therapist says it and I really like it.
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Take good care.
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I texted it as a practice run.
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SPEAKER_02
You had it look weird in writing?
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SPEAKER_02
Felt weird.
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Kind of look clunky.
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Take good care.
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It s almost the way Yoda speaks.
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It s nice though.
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It feels warming.
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Good care take, I guess it would be.
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SPEAKER_02
Why don t you try that?
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SPEAKER_03
No, I ve never seen it.
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SPEAKER_02
Hello?
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SPEAKER_02
Hello, Adam.
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SPEAKER_02
Wow.
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SPEAKER_02
Are you in Canada?
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SPEAKER_02
I am not in Canada.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m in Ohio actually.
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SPEAKER_02
I thought just from that hello, I had gotten a little Canadian out of you.
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SPEAKER_01
Oh, funny.
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SPEAKER_01
No, not for me.
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Southern Ohio.
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SPEAKER_02
Southern Ohio, like Dayton or Cincy?
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SPEAKER_02
Southeast Ohio, like Athens.
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SPEAKER_02
If you know Ohio university.
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SPEAKER_02
Yeah, sure, sure, sure.
1
SPEAKER_02
I would buy that red shirt over your shoulder.
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SPEAKER_02
I would pay $120 for that t-shirt.
1
SPEAKER_03
Why?
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SPEAKER_03
What does it say?
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SPEAKER_02
It says like family farm, Ohio.
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SPEAKER_01
This is my farm.
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SPEAKER_01
We run a vegetable and organic vegetable and flower farm.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh my God.
1
SPEAKER_02
If I go to your website, can I buy those shirts?
1
SPEAKER_01
I will happily just send you a shirt.
1
SPEAKER_02
I love it.
1
SPEAKER_02
Isn t that a great looking shirt?
1
SPEAKER_01
It is cool.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, thank you.
1
SPEAKER_01
What size do you want?
1
SPEAKER_02
Large.
1
SPEAKER_01
He s a big boy.
1
SPEAKER_02
But that s misleading.
1
SPEAKER_02
I think most people think a big boy would wear an extra large.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh.
1
SPEAKER_02
But it doesn t hug my biceps, Adam.
1
SPEAKER_03
He s not as big of a boy as you think.
1
SPEAKER_02
I want a snug fit on my thighs.
1
SPEAKER_02
Okay, so Adam, you had a worse day and already I feel like you shouldn t have had one.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, you re too nice.
1
SPEAKER_02
Because you re a happy farmer and you re nice.
1
SPEAKER_02
I try to be.
1
SPEAKER_01
We did have a bad day.
1
SPEAKER_03
What happened?
1
SPEAKER_01
I like that we.
1
SPEAKER_01
My wife is involved.
1
SPEAKER_01
Bad on all accounts.
1
SPEAKER_01
Bad for lots of people.
1
SPEAKER_01
Back in 2005, we graduated from OU.
1
SPEAKER_01
We got married our senior year.
1
SPEAKER_01
So we were moving after we graduated to a new city.
1
SPEAKER_01
I was going to start seminary school in Northern West Virginia, way up near Pittsburgh.
1
SPEAKER_01
And we moved and we were poor.
1
SPEAKER_01
We had no job, no nothing.
1
SPEAKER_01
School didn t start for a couple of months.
1
SPEAKER_01
So we were just newlyweds living life.
1
SPEAKER_01
We had just got my wife a new car.
1
SPEAKER_01
New to her.
1
SPEAKER_01
The really nice car that we got for her was a Chevy Cavalier.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, I know them very well.
1
SPEAKER_01
So we had two of them, if that tells you how poor we were.
1
SPEAKER_01
We had a junky one and a nice one.
1
SPEAKER_02
Can I guess, was one of them that obnoxious turquoise color?
1
SPEAKER_01
It wasn t.
1
SPEAKER_01
We had the ugly maroon.
1
SPEAKER_01
The wife s was the new nice one.
1
SPEAKER_01
It was silver.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, great pick.
1
SPEAKER_02
Really popular rental car.
1
SPEAKER_01
My dad and I used to buy wrecked cars and put them back together and sell them.
1
SPEAKER_01
And so they were two wrecked cars that we made to be nice.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
So we bought my wife a new car and we moved to this new place.
1
SPEAKER_01
I had to play in a golf tournament, like a scramble with some friends of mine.
1
SPEAKER_01
And it was like two hours away.
1
SPEAKER_01
And so I got up super early, like four something in the morning, got in her new car for whatever reason I chose to drive the new car, drove the two hours to play in the golf tournament.
1
SPEAKER_01
I get almost to the tournament and I got a speeding ticket on the way, like a 62 and a 40 or something like that.
1
SPEAKER_01
So like not a small fine.
1
SPEAKER_01
So that was just the beginning of the day.
1
SPEAKER_01
Played in the golf tournament, you know, it s hot, you re
1
SPEAKER_01
exhausted, you get up really early, they feed you tons of food, we ate a bunch of food.
1
SPEAKER_01
Got back in the car to head home and 10-15 minutes out of the town, I fell asleep at the wheel.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, too much of that greasy deep-fried food from the golf course?
1
SPEAKER_01
Seriously.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m driving up the Ohio River, and it s a fairly straight road, so I had the cruise set at 60 miles an hour and woke up at the last second before I plowed into somebody who was sitting at a dead still waiting to turn left.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, no.
1
SPEAKER_02
60 mile an hour rear end.
1
SPEAKER_01
I hit it, exploded.
1
SPEAKER_01
Everything was in terrible shape.
1
SPEAKER_01
Thankfully, I was fine.
1
SPEAKER_01
I was able to get out of the car and went up to check on whoever it was that I just hit.
1
SPEAKER_01
Turns out to be like a 16-year-old kid.
1
SPEAKER_01
He was driving an old Ford Probe.
1
SPEAKER_01
I hit him so hard.
1
SPEAKER_01
He was still seat belted into the driver s seat, but the driver s seat was sticking out the back window of the car.
1
SPEAKER_01
It was so bad.
1
SPEAKER_02
Accordioned.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_01
He was fine.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s a miracle that we both were fine.
1
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
1
SPEAKER_01
I got him out of the car and we had to call the police.
1
SPEAKER_01
So the police came.
1
SPEAKER_01
They put us in the cop car and we have to sit in the back and give our statements and do all those kinds of things.
1
SPEAKER_01
And as I m sitting there giving my statement, I see, you know, another car come flying in and it s obviously going to be his parents.
1
SPEAKER_01
So they jump out of the car and the policeman lets him out of the car so he can run and meet the parents and they re hugging him and doing all the things that you would do as a parent.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I noticed, boy, they re dressed really nice.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s really odd.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s funny.
1
SPEAKER_01
They re like fancy clothes.
1
SPEAKER_01
After a few minutes, they let me out of the car.
1
SPEAKER_01
I go say, I m really sorry.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s my fault.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I realized they re dressed actually nicely, but in black.
1
SPEAKER_01
The dad finally shakes my hand.
1
SPEAKER_01
He says, we just came from our daughter s funeral.
2
SPEAKER_02
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
2
SPEAKER_01
She died in a car accident earlier this week.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God.
2
SPEAKER_02
This is the worst day of their life, not the worst day of your life.
2
SPEAKER_01
A hundred percent.
2
SPEAKER_01
Their day was so much worse than mine.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s like all of my stuff is trivial.
2
SPEAKER_01
You feel this big and you re just like, what do you even say?
2
SPEAKER_01
It was awful.
2
SPEAKER_01
Thankfully the kid was okay and everything was fine.
2
SPEAKER_01
And we talked a couple of weeks later and he was fine too.
2
SPEAKER_01
But of course we had to call my wife and say, you need to come get me.
2
SPEAKER_01
We don t have a car anymore.
2
SPEAKER_02
And I m pretty sure after the ticket this morning and this, I don t even have a license anymore.
2
SPEAKER_02
I mean, what a fucking day of points for you.
2
SPEAKER_01
I have no idea why, but he only gave me like a failure to yield.
2
SPEAKER_01
So I would have lost my license had it been a major, but I guess he just had pity on me.
2
SPEAKER_02
Because you re such a nice farmer.
2
SPEAKER_01
Future farmer.
2
SPEAKER_01
So it s not over.
2
SPEAKER_01
My wife comes to pick me up and she has to drive like the old junkie cavalier almost two hours to come pick me up.
2
SPEAKER_01
And she arrives, they release us to leave and we get in the car.
2
SPEAKER_01
We get maybe like two or three miles away from the site and the car starts to shake and do some odd weird things.
2
SPEAKER_01
So I pull over to the side of her and the car dies.
2
SPEAKER_01
And it turns out the alternator has died on the car that she s come to pick me up in.
2
SPEAKER_01
Which means it no longer runs.
2
SPEAKER_01
So now we just like pull off to the side of the road and just look at each other like, what are we supposed to do?
2
SPEAKER_02
Really quick in that moment, you re on your way to seminary school.
2
SPEAKER_02
So you believe in God.
2
SPEAKER_02
In that moment, are you like, God is screaming something at me.
2
SPEAKER_02
Something is trying to be told to me.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_01
Did you have those thoughts?
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t think I did.
2
SPEAKER_01
I probably should have.
2
SPEAKER_01
I was probably not very introspective at 22.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_01
At that time, I realized there s blue lights behind me again and a highway patrolman has pulled up behind us again because it s the same highway patrolman that just left the scene of our accident.
2
SPEAKER_02
No!
2
SPEAKER_01
So he is the one who s worked the accident and has now gotten out and comes up to the car and he kind of peeks in and he realizes it s me and he just kind of shakes his head and he says, I m sorry, I actually feel bad for you today.
2
SPEAKER_01
And so, like, it was nice about that at least.
2
SPEAKER_01
He radioed the tow company again and the same guy who towed the first car away has now come to tow the second car away.
2
SPEAKER_01
And we have to ride with him this time and he s a stereotypical auto tow worker.
2
SPEAKER_01
Enormous man, smells awful.
2
SPEAKER_01
My wife has to sit in between us and we ride in the tow truck together.
2
SPEAKER_01
We have to go back and get more things out of the initial wrecked car.
2
SPEAKER_01
So he tows the second one back.
2
SPEAKER_01
I have to call my dad.
2
SPEAKER_01
My dad s pretty handy.
2
SPEAKER_01
So he actually is trying to help solve the problem.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I realized as we re getting to the other car, this is a new car.
2
SPEAKER_01
I have not called the insurance company to tell them that I purchased a new car, which means this car has no insurance.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it was bad.
2
SPEAKER_01
Thankfully, after like three weeks, they relented and gave us money on the car under the guise of, yes, of course, I was going to put insurance on the car.
2
SPEAKER_01
I just hadn t yet.
2
SPEAKER_01
My dad ended up, he s a handy guy, he brought an alternator and he changed an alternator in the parking lot of the tow company.
2
SPEAKER_01
We sat at a fruit stand and ate apples until everything was solved and we were able to get in the car and go back home.
2
SPEAKER_02
Is it like 10 p.m.
2
SPEAKER_02
at this point?
2
SPEAKER_02
No, it s only noon.
2
SPEAKER_01
By the time we got in the car to go home, it was dark.
2
SPEAKER_01
A long two hour drive home after that.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh my God.
2
SPEAKER_02
At some point, when the car died on the side of the road, I might have considered like, it s time to go to bed in the car and wake up and try this again tomorrow.
2
SPEAKER_01
It was definitely feeling that way.
2
SPEAKER_01
It was a rough day, but that poor family.
2
SPEAKER_02
The family, oh.
2
SPEAKER_02
I know, if you re the parents, you gotta just be like, I can t let anyone leave my sight.
2
SPEAKER_00
Ever.
2
SPEAKER_02
The world is so fucking scary and dangerous.
2
SPEAKER_02
Also has brought back a lot of PTSD from all the piece of shit cars I own my whole life.
2
SPEAKER_02
And they just constantly watching all of the dials at all times, watching the temperature, watching the amperage, watching like waiting for something to break.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh, so stressful.
2
SPEAKER_01
Check engine lights are always on.
2
SPEAKER_01
You never know when something s wrong.
2
SPEAKER_01
Cause it s always on.
2
SPEAKER_02
Well, that one.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_02
You just come to ignore.
2
SPEAKER_02
You re like, that s standard.
2
SPEAKER_02
Of course the check engine.
2
SPEAKER_02
That means it s running, I guess.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh, Adam, what a bad day.
2
SPEAKER_02
And it carries on because you ve got now points on your license and you got insurance issues.
2
SPEAKER_02
You don t have two cars anymore.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
I was thankful because when I was 16, I d wrecked a car on the way home from school because we were having a snowball fight like out the windows of our car.
2
SPEAKER_01
And so I had like major points on my license already for being an idiot.
2
SPEAKER_01
It was bad.
2
SPEAKER_01
So yeah, I don t know how I didn t lose my license for many years.
2
SPEAKER_02
Have you driven your tractor through the side of your house on accident or anything yet?
2
SPEAKER_01
No, I hit the chicken coop with it a couple of weeks ago.
2
SPEAKER_02
You might need glasses, Adam.
2
SPEAKER_01
This is definitely true.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh, well, it s great meeting you.
2
SPEAKER_02
I m sorry you had such a repugnant day.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s okay.
2
SPEAKER_01
It was a long time ago.
2
SPEAKER_01
Everything is good now.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_01
Wonderful.
2
SPEAKER_02
Well, it was a delight meeting you.
2
SPEAKER_01
Likewise.
2
SPEAKER_01
I appreciate you guys so much.
2
SPEAKER_01
I worked in church ministry for a long time before I was a farmer.
2
SPEAKER_01
And so we share a pretty radically different worldview, but I m an avid listener.
2
SPEAKER_01
I learned so much from you guys about people and about just relationships and listening and being vulnerable.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m grateful for the questions.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I thought your conversation with Nadia Eibholtz Weber was excellent.
2
SPEAKER_01
Asking hard questions.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I appreciate, even though we share a different view of the world, the greatness of humanity and being able to chat and learn from each other is amazing.
2
SPEAKER_01
What a compliment.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I don t say this haphazardly.
2
SPEAKER_02
I actually much more appreciate folks like you that listen who, yeah, have a much different worldview.
2
SPEAKER_02
I just respect it so much.
2
SPEAKER_02
I think it s such a sign of your own confidence in how you think and that you re not threatened by hearing something different.
2
SPEAKER_02
And I like that challenge too.
2
SPEAKER_02
So I very much appreciate you.
2
SPEAKER_01
Thank you.
2
SPEAKER_01
I appreciate you guys.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s wonderful.
2
SPEAKER_01
Thanks for having me on.
2
SPEAKER_01
All right.
2
SPEAKER_02
Take care, Adam.
2
SPEAKER_02
Bye.
2
SPEAKER_02
Take good care.
2
SPEAKER_02
I love that.
2
SPEAKER_02
No, it didn t sound good.
2
SPEAKER_02
Good care take.
2
SPEAKER_02
God, that family is all I can think about.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh.
2
SPEAKER_02
Leaving the funeral?
2
SPEAKER_02
Okay, if I could even attempt to put a silver lining on it.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh, do you have to?
2
SPEAKER_02
I guess you should try.
2
SPEAKER_02
I m going to try.
2
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_02
You re so devastated.
2
SPEAKER_02
Your life s over, but then this near death thing happens right away.
2
SPEAKER_02
And I do think it might blast you with gratitude in a moment that that was unimaginable.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_02
So heartbreaking.
2
SPEAKER_02
Hi.
2
SPEAKER_02
Hi.
2
SPEAKER_02
What fake name shall we give you?
2
SPEAKER_00
You know what?
2
SPEAKER_00
We can just use my regular name.
2
SPEAKER_00
My husband was very certain he wanted me to just use my name.
2
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_02
So Heidi.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_02
You have some beautiful floral tattoos hanging out your shoulder, or is that an undergarment?
2
SPEAKER_00
Tattoos.
2
SPEAKER_02
Beautiful.
2
SPEAKER_00
Thank you.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s got a dahlia there.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh, okay.
2
SPEAKER_02
Beautiful.
2
SPEAKER_00
Some roses.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m not sure how to say that.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh my God, Heidi, you re reminding me.
2
SPEAKER_02
So I took a walk with my wife and my mother two days ago in the neighborhood.
2
SPEAKER_02
And my wife always makes fun of me.
2
SPEAKER_02
If I m talking to another dude about cars, she s like, you guys are just saying numbers back and forth.
2
SPEAKER_02
This is the stupidest conversation.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh, is that a three 50 and not the three 27.
2
SPEAKER_02
But I was listening to those two talk about flowers.
2
SPEAKER_02
And I realized you ladies
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh, I think that s a hibiscus.
2
SPEAKER_02
No, that s a pumperanny.
2
SPEAKER_02
No, those are plumperdaisies.
2
SPEAKER_02
The names are so silly and no one ever knows what it actually is.
2
SPEAKER_02
And that s honeysuckle.
2
SPEAKER_02
No, that might be honeydew.
2
SPEAKER_02
The whole walk, no one ever really knew what the exact thing was.
2
SPEAKER_00
You ve said like two real things.
2
SPEAKER_00
But they sounded like exciting new flowers.
2
SPEAKER_00
I know.
2
SPEAKER_00
I would be excited to meet a pumperny.
2
SPEAKER_02
No, those aren t plumerias.
2
SPEAKER_02
Those are, and they ll just sit there and debate whether, but then they always conclude that they re not certain which one it is.
2
SPEAKER_02
I was listening to this for 45 minutes.
2
SPEAKER_02
I was like, you guys, this is the female equivalent of the car talk.
2
SPEAKER_00
I tried to become a gardener during COVID and I planted some flowers and I spent some time.
2
SPEAKER_00
I was so proud of how they were growing.
2
SPEAKER_00
And my neighbor is a landscaper and he asked me why I was tending to my weeds so well.
2
SPEAKER_00
I just had some really pretty weed.
2
SPEAKER_02
So I gave up.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_00
You had a horrible day.
2
SPEAKER_02
I m sure you have many, but we re going to hear about one of them.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_00
So this took place when I was in college.
2
SPEAKER_02
Can I ask really quickly where you re at?
2
SPEAKER_02
I m always curious.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m in Oregon.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh, OK, great.
2
SPEAKER_02
My whole family s there.
2
SPEAKER_00
My whole family s here.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh, my God.
2
SPEAKER_02
Do we have the same family?
2
SPEAKER_00
When your mom interviewed, she mentioned Hood River, and that s where I m from.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, no kidding.
2
SPEAKER_00
But this took place in Hawaii.
2
SPEAKER_00
I went to college in Hawaii.
2
SPEAKER_02
Mormon?
2
SPEAKER_00
I was at the time.
2
SPEAKER_00
There s a little LDS University in the North Shore.
2
SPEAKER_00
If you re going to go to college, I definitely recommend Hawaii.
2
SPEAKER_00
Fantastic.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I wanted to do all the things when I was there and I joined the scuba diving club.
2
SPEAKER_00
So they would get you certified and then about every other week they would have dives you could sign up for if you wanted to go.
2
SPEAKER_00
But my neighbor, who is also in the club, she was like, we need to go on a dive that s not where we ride on a school bus with 50 other kids from the university and we re all going together.
2
SPEAKER_00
And she was calling different dive shops and she found one that was doing like a three dive day, two day dives and a night dive.
2
SPEAKER_00
She talked me into it.
2
SPEAKER_00
I didn t have the money to do it, but she was older than me and she opened up her wallet and she showed me like 20 credit cards.
2
SPEAKER_00
And she was like, you haven t learned yet about credit cards.
2
SPEAKER_00
You re too young.
2
SPEAKER_00
They re amazing.
2
SPEAKER_00
They re like Monopoly money.
2
SPEAKER_00
She s like, I get them if I just like the picture on the card.
2
SPEAKER_00
And she was like, and this one s a Hawaiian sunset.
2
SPEAKER_00
So you have to get this one.
2
SPEAKER_00
You re right.
2
SPEAKER_00
I need a Hawaiian sunset.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I put it on my Monopoly money card and the day of the dive, I was driving us up there and my roommates and I had shipped in when we moved there.
2
SPEAKER_00
We each paid
3
SPEAKER_00
$100 and we got a $300 car.
3
SPEAKER_02
Oh, wow, must have been outstanding.
3
SPEAKER_00
It was just as amazing as you would imagine a $300 car to be.
3
SPEAKER_00
So the brakes didn t work well.
3
SPEAKER_00
And we knew like if there was a stoplight or a stop sign coming up, you really had to start breaking like a half a block in advance.
3
SPEAKER_00
But if you didn t have time, you had to break and you had to pull on the emergency brake at the same time stop the car.
3
SPEAKER_01
Great.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m sure there was like a lot of automotive problems with that.
3
SPEAKER_00
The biggest problem in my mind with this was that the ceiling of the car had felt that had fallen down and the previous owner had stapled it back up.
3
SPEAKER_00
So it was like a staple.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then it would kind of droop down and staple.
3
SPEAKER_00
And we had cockroaches living in the droopy parts of the car.
3
SPEAKER_00
So every time you hit the emergency brake, the cockroaches would come flying out of the top and it would land on whoever is in the front seat.
3
SPEAKER_02
This is like riding somewhere in a coffin you ve dug up.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then you d have to roll down the window, but it was like those old ones that you roll with your hand.
3
SPEAKER_00
Also, I m really notorious in my family for being a terrible driver.
3
SPEAKER_00
in a good car.
3
SPEAKER_02
Oh, wow.
3
SPEAKER_02
This is a match made in heaven.
3
SPEAKER_00
I woke up and I was really nervous because I m driving the cockroach mobile and I know we don t know where we re going.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s 1998.
3
SPEAKER_00
So we have a paper map.
3
SPEAKER_00
My friend s navigating in the front.
3
SPEAKER_00
She s like, oh, I turn here and then the cockroaches fly and I roll down the window.
3
SPEAKER_02
It s kind of fun though, too, right?
3
SPEAKER_00
If you were in the back seat, they seemed to really enjoy what was happening in the front.
3
SPEAKER_00
But it wasn t fantastic from the front.
3
SPEAKER_00
We were going to Honolulu and it was like an hour and a half away.
3
SPEAKER_00
And by the time we got there, my nerves were just already shot from all the cockroaches.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t like bugs.
3
SPEAKER_00
And we got to the dive shop and they were like, oh, guys, you came.
3
SPEAKER_00
We don t have enough people signed up, so it s not really worth our time to take you.
3
SPEAKER_00
you can come up another time.
3
SPEAKER_02
That s not how things work.
3
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
3
SPEAKER_00
And everyone who had driven in the car with me was like, we re not coming up again.
3
SPEAKER_00
We re not riding in the car with her again.
3
SPEAKER_00
So this kind of should have been a sign to me that they were not the most legit place.
3
SPEAKER_00
They just started walking up and down the street and asking if anyone wanted to go on a dive.
3
SPEAKER_00
And they were like, oh, if you don t have your certification, it s fine.
3
SPEAKER_00
We ll give you some pointers.
3
SPEAKER_00
And we had just gotten certified and I m kind of a rule follower.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I m like, they are not supposed to be doing that.
3
SPEAKER_00
And it took them a really long time.
3
SPEAKER_00
I actually dug out my journal last night.
3
SPEAKER_00
I was reading it, but we didn t leave till four.
3
SPEAKER_00
And there was like 15 divers that they managed to get.
3
SPEAKER_00
There was five in my group.
3
SPEAKER_02
10 randos?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
3
SPEAKER_00
And as soon as we get on the boat, they have like, takootery.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then like,
3
SPEAKER_00
Wine and beer.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, everybody s drinking.
3
SPEAKER_00
Maybe I m just being really nervous.
3
SPEAKER_00
Maybe it s just the Mormon in me.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s like no alcohol.
3
SPEAKER_02
Maybe worldly people always drink before they die.
3
SPEAKER_00
Drink before they die without their certification.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, my God.
3
SPEAKER_00
So we did the first dive and it went OK, but they did some stuff that we weren t supposed to do.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then by the time they drove the boat to where the second dive was going to be, it was dusk.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh boy.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I was like, I guess it s going to be two night dives.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I d never done a night dive.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I was nervous before we got in.
3
SPEAKER_00
They were like, oh, and just to be aware, there s a lot of sharks and eels in this area.
3
SPEAKER_00
I didn t become a scuba diver to like hang with the sharks.
3
SPEAKER_00
That was like the one thing I never wanted to see.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I m diving with my partner who s my friend Amy.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s about time for us to come up.
3
SPEAKER_00
They have to leave a buoy with a diver s flag at the top wherever the divers are so that if boaters come around they know that there s divers down there.
3
SPEAKER_00
And that was anchored to the ocean floor so we were supposed to use the rope to like guide us up because you have to do safety stops along the way and then wait three to five minutes
3
SPEAKER_02
So your blood, you don t get the bands, right?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
So we re doing that and I m kind of keeping an eye out.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t want to crash my head against the buoy when we get close, but when we get close enough to the top, I just see a bunch of legs and they re all kicking and fighting at each other.
3
SPEAKER_00
We pop up.
3
SPEAKER_00
And the first thing that I noticed is there s no light anywhere.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like the boat had lights on it.
3
SPEAKER_00
There s no boat.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God.
3
SPEAKER_00
Boat is gone.
3
SPEAKER_00
No.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I can t see lights anywhere.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God.
3
SPEAKER_00
And so it s just dark and there s the little buoy with the flag and there s 15 people
3
SPEAKER_00
who we re all aware that the boat s gone.
3
SPEAKER_00
We re all hoping that the boat will come back.
3
SPEAKER_00
And when it will, it will come back to this place where there s a buoy.
3
SPEAKER_00
So everyone s trying to hang on.
3
SPEAKER_02
Submerging the buoy then?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it was like smaller than an inner tube.
3
SPEAKER_00
There wasn t enough space for everyone.
3
SPEAKER_00
And that s when it got really Lord of the Flies.
3
SPEAKER_00
And people just start beating on each other to knock them off the buoy.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, wow.
3
SPEAKER_00
And also, I didn t mention this, but the current was really, really strong that day.
3
SPEAKER_00
So waves are like crashing against the buoy.
3
SPEAKER_00
And one of the dive masters said they d never seen such a strong current as there was that day.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I try to get in and like, hang on, get a piece of that buoy.
3
SPEAKER_00
And one of the guys who I was trying to squeeze in by just takes his elbow and smashes it into my face.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, my gosh.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I go under and I wasn t expecting it and I m breathing in a ton of water.
3
SPEAKER_00
And when I pop up and keep in mind the current so strong and then you also have your weight belt on that s designed to keep you in the ocean, not above the ocean.
3
SPEAKER_00
So we re all using a lot of energy to try to stay above water.
3
SPEAKER_00
And so I m trying to kick back above water and I m just like coughing out all of this water that I just swallowed and trying to stop choking.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then he starts using his feet on me.
3
SPEAKER_00
And he starts kicking me with his feet.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I just get pushed away.
3
SPEAKER_00
My friend, Amy, that I was with, she also got kicked off.
3
SPEAKER_00
And there were about five of us and one dive master.
3
SPEAKER_00
It was survival of the fittest, and we did not survive.
3
SPEAKER_00
We were kicked off that buoy, like we were kicked off the island.
3
SPEAKER_00
So we start floating away with the current.
3
SPEAKER_00
At this point, the dive master starts screaming at us, drop your weight belt.
3
SPEAKER_00
I had two things that I was thinking of.
3
SPEAKER_00
First, they taught us that that only happens in an emergency.
3
SPEAKER_00
That means this is an emergency.
3
SPEAKER_00
And second, if I drop the weight belt, are they going to ask me to pay for it later?
3
SPEAKER_00
Do I have enough monopoly money to pay for the weight belt?
3
SPEAKER_00
I m like a cheap college student, but I m thinking that.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I m screaming, well, I have to pay for this.
3
SPEAKER_02
And when I m dead.
3
SPEAKER_00
the three other people that were all floating away, then he starts screaming at them, watch out for the rocks!
3
SPEAKER_00
And I m like, oh my gosh, are we gonna like hit some rocks?
3
SPEAKER_00
Freaking out, he s yelling at the people that are floating away, float over here!
3
SPEAKER_00
Like trying to get them to come be in a group with us.
3
SPEAKER_00
And also everyone on the buoy s screaming at each other.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s just like a bunch of people screaming in the ocean, waving their flashlights in the air.
3
SPEAKER_02
This is such a nightmare.
3
SPEAKER_00
It was.
3
SPEAKER_00
And at that point, it was just me and Amy and the dive master,
3
SPEAKER_00
And she s screaming.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I m asking about the cost of the weight belts.
3
SPEAKER_00
And he turns to us and he yells, drop your fucking weight belt and quit screaming or I m going to smack the shit out of you.
3
SPEAKER_02
Everyone is in panic mode.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_02
Everyone s lost their composure.
3
SPEAKER_00
We drop our weight belts.
3
SPEAKER_00
And he told us to.
3
SPEAKER_00
which these are all things we learned.
3
SPEAKER_00
I just was panicking and didn t think about it, to inflate the air in your vest.
3
SPEAKER_00
And he is like, just lean back, float on your back and let the current take you.
3
SPEAKER_00
Were you guys like holding hands so you d all stay together or something?
3
SPEAKER_00
We had our flashlights so I could tell I was right next to the three of them.
3
SPEAKER_00
But it was not very long before outside of the three of us, I couldn t see anybody else s light and I couldn t hear them screaming anymore.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh.
3
SPEAKER_00
The dive master had a whistle, so he keeps blowing into the whistle and yelling for help.
3
SPEAKER_00
I was like, so
3
SPEAKER_00
We re either going to be eaten by sharks or we re just going to die floating out here.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t see a third option because I m not sure how the boat s actually going to find us.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
What the dive master said later when we were safe in the boat, he knew that once they picked everyone up off the buoy and they realized we weren t all there, they would just follow the current like straight out from the buoy.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, OK.
3
SPEAKER_00
So that s why he told us to just float.
3
SPEAKER_00
Let the current take us away.
3
SPEAKER_02
Conserve your energy.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
The other three that had floated away later on the boat, they told us none of them dropped their weight belt.
3
SPEAKER_00
None of them inflated their vests.
3
SPEAKER_00
So they re all trying to stay on top of the water.
3
SPEAKER_00
And they all spent their whole time trying to swim back to the buoy.
3
SPEAKER_00
Right.
3
SPEAKER_00
So when they got on the boat, they were like jelly.
3
SPEAKER_00
So we were out there for about an hour and a half.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I was just like, so we re dead.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I should have told my mom that I loved her more.
3
SPEAKER_00
And about an hour and a half later, the boat shows up.
3
SPEAKER_00
And at that point the current s so strong and we re cold.
3
SPEAKER_00
We ve been in the water for a long time.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s totally dark.
3
SPEAKER_00
We can t even swim to the ladder on the boat.
3
SPEAKER_00
So they just throw a rope out and they tow us in and they just kind of pull us up by our vest.
3
SPEAKER_00
So we just scraped against the ladder and the side of the boat and I ended up with
3
SPEAKER_00
bruises all up and down my legs and the top of my feet like skinned off.
3
SPEAKER_00
They threw us in, they start undressing us out of our wetsuits and our gear and they had a shower on the boat and so they throw us in the hot shower and they re like, we still have three people we re missing.
3
SPEAKER_02
Oh my God, this is a movie.
3
SPEAKER_02
Monica s skin s about to peel off.
3
SPEAKER_00
I feel, wow.
3
SPEAKER_00
They said what happened was that two people were diving and they saw two hammerhead sharks.
3
SPEAKER_00
So they turned around and they started swimming away, not realizing
4
SPEAKER_03
they were going with the current.
4
SPEAKER_03
And so they came up, they were done, they didn t want to do the dive, probably came up super fast, probably one of the people without certifications.
4
SPEAKER_03
When they popped up, the boat went after them.
4
SPEAKER_03
That s why it was gone.
4
SPEAKER_01
But why would it take that long for them to come back?
4
SPEAKER_03
Exactly.
4
SPEAKER_03
And part of me thinks it was because of all the wine and beer, because when we got on the boat, everyone who had been rescued was like back there drinking and having a party.
4
SPEAKER_03
They are having a good time, and I am like lying on the floor with this heated shower hitting us.
4
SPEAKER_03
I m so tired.
4
SPEAKER_03
The adrenaline s coming down, so I m shaking.
4
SPEAKER_03
I was really mad, and I went and laid at the front of the boat.
4
SPEAKER_03
a little bit later after they d picked up everyone we are going back and it s just super choppy it s totally dark it s been dark since we came up so you just can t see anything two of my friends were like we just got super seasick and we puked off the side of the boat but because of the wind it all flew back on the people having a party in the back
4
SPEAKER_03
They think it s just water, so they don t know they re covered in puke.
4
SPEAKER_00
What a shit show.
4
SPEAKER_03
Such a shit show.
4
SPEAKER_03
When we got back, I m not the best at standing up for myself.
4
SPEAKER_03
My friends were all like, we want total refunds.
4
SPEAKER_03
And I was like, well, at least refund us for the third dive.
4
SPEAKER_03
Cause we didn t ever go on a third dive.
4
SPEAKER_03
They just got tired of fighting with us.
4
SPEAKER_03
So it was like one in the morning when we got back.
4
SPEAKER_03
So they just locked up the dive shop and drove away.
4
SPEAKER_03
And I was like,
4
SPEAKER_03
I guess we re just driving back in the cockroach mobile without our money.
4
SPEAKER_03
It was terrible.
4
SPEAKER_03
The only good part was that I actually ended up calling my bank to see how to ask for a refund, explain the situation.
4
SPEAKER_03
The nice lady on the phone listened to my story and she was like, okay, sweetie, you re going to get a refund, but also then you re going to cut up this credit card because this isn t monopoly money.
4
SPEAKER_03
This has a 21% interest and your friend gave you terrible advice.
4
SPEAKER_03
That was the only kind of good thing that came out of that.
4
SPEAKER_03
After that, I was really, when I went diving, a big stickler for places that didn t take drunk, uncertified people out diving.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Who do you report someone like that to?
4
SPEAKER_00
Is there an agency?
4
SPEAKER_00
Do you tell the Coast Guard?
4
SPEAKER_00
Who monitors that?
4
SPEAKER_03
Now, I feel like I could give him a bad Yelp review or I don t know, find out some way back then.
4
SPEAKER_03
There s no regulations.
4
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
4
SPEAKER_00
That is a horrific tale.
4
SPEAKER_00
That is a true worst day.
4
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_03
Castaway came out a year later and I was like, I ve been there.
4
SPEAKER_03
I ve done that.
4
SPEAKER_00
People losing their shit, there s nothing quite like it.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, fascinating.
4
SPEAKER_01
People really got into survival mode.
4
SPEAKER_00
Thanks for sharing that bad, bad day.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, that was wild.
4
SPEAKER_00
Monica, you just took a year off her life just hearing that story.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I do not feel well.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, you feel unwell.
4
SPEAKER_03
But thank you.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Delightful meeting you, Heidi.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s a barn burner.
4
SPEAKER_03
It was nice meeting you guys too.
4
SPEAKER_03
Thanks.
4
SPEAKER_00
Be well.
4
SPEAKER_00
And, uh, you re loved everyone in Seattle.
4
SPEAKER_00
What am I saying?
4
SPEAKER_00
You re in Oregon.
4
SPEAKER_03
I was like, I do.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m a mess.
4
SPEAKER_00
I did too many.
4
SPEAKER_00
I ve shit the bed twice.
4
SPEAKER_00
Take care.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God, what did I just say?
4
SPEAKER_01
You also said a bunch of words smashed together.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God.
4
SPEAKER_00
My love to everyone in Seattle, what?
4
SPEAKER_01
But I think you just said love to everyone.
4
SPEAKER_00
Love to everyone in Seattle.
4
SPEAKER_00
What?
4
SPEAKER_00
That story took it out of me.
4
SPEAKER_01
I know, I feel tired.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I feel really wrung out.
4
SPEAKER_00
I was just treading water for three hours.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh, God.
4
SPEAKER_01
I would have died, see?
4
SPEAKER_01
Geez.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh, boy.
4
SPEAKER_00
Makes you a little less mad about the tubing incident, doesn t it?
4
SPEAKER_01
These are bad days.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
Hello.
4
SPEAKER_01
Hi.
4
SPEAKER_01
You look so nice.
4
SPEAKER_01
You re wearing a beautiful blazer.
4
SPEAKER_01
Thank you.
4
SPEAKER_01
I just came from work.
4
SPEAKER_00
You know who she immediately reminds me of?
4
SPEAKER_01
Ooh, can I guess?
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
4
SPEAKER_00
Audra.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh, our friend Audra.
4
SPEAKER_01
I was thinking celebrity.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh, but our friend Otter is so pleasant.
4
SPEAKER_00
She is.
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, it s the Blazer.
4
SPEAKER_02
It s so nice to meet you.
4
SPEAKER_00
Nice to meet you, Emily.
4
SPEAKER_00
Where are you?
4
SPEAKER_02
I am in the DFW area.
4
SPEAKER_00
Dallas-Fort Worth.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yep.
4
SPEAKER_00
DFW.
4
SPEAKER_00
Big old airport.
4
SPEAKER_02
Huge.
4
SPEAKER_02
I m really close to the airport too, so it s very convenient.
4
SPEAKER_00
So, okay, tell us about your worst day, Emily.
4
SPEAKER_02
So this takes place in early June 2009.
4
SPEAKER_02
So I had just moved with my sister and her husband, and they had a 10-month-old baby daughter.
4
SPEAKER_02
A little bit of backstory, I had graduated college in 2008, which was probably one of the worst times to graduate.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, not great.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m so stupid.
4
SPEAKER_00
What s 2008?
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, the bubble, you know.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh, yes, the financial.
4
SPEAKER_00
Housing crisis.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
4
SPEAKER_00
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
4
SPEAKER_02
So I got married after I graduated.
4
SPEAKER_02
That did not last very long.
4
SPEAKER_02
So I was going through a divorce and decided to get a fresh start.
4
SPEAKER_02
And this all happened back in Iowa where I was born and raised.
4
SPEAKER_02
So I m newly in Dallas.
4
SPEAKER_02
I m living with my sister.
4
SPEAKER_02
I was working at a job at Buffalo Wild Wings.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, fuck yes.
4
SPEAKER_02
Trying to make my way.
4
SPEAKER_02
And so all my family is back up north and that includes our family dog.
4
SPEAKER_02
And she was a Boston Terrier.
4
SPEAKER_02
She was just the best dog.
4
SPEAKER_02
She lived with me in college.
4
SPEAKER_02
I was so excited to get my own place and she could come down and live with me.
4
SPEAKER_02
So the day starts off, I m trying to look for jobs online and I m really disappointed.
4
SPEAKER_02
So I was like, I m just going to go outside and I ll mow the lawn.
4
SPEAKER_02
It looks like it needs to be mowed.
4
SPEAKER_02
I ll do something nice.
4
SPEAKER_00
A little exercise.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, so I m almost done, and I m doing like the front lawn, the house, and the sidewalk, just that little strip.
4
SPEAKER_02
And I m mowing a little push mower, and I notice there s like a clump of grass, and it kind of dips down.
4
SPEAKER_02
And so I was like, that s odd.
4
SPEAKER_02
And I pulled back, which was the biggest mistake, because it was a bunny nest.
4
SPEAKER_02
Oh!
4
SPEAKER_02
Because I pulled back, a poor little bunny had stuck its head out, and the mower just sliced it.
4
SPEAKER_00
Decapitated.
4
SPEAKER_00
It was horrible.
4
SPEAKER_02
Oh no.
4
SPEAKER_02
So I m just frozen there, and other bunnies screw out of the little hole, run away, and the mower, I let go of the thing, it turned off, and the bunny was like screaming.
4
SPEAKER_02
It was like Silence of the Lambs.
4
SPEAKER_01
It was screaming even though it was decapitated?
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, it was from here to here.
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, it would have been better if it was just- Clean cut around the neck.
4
SPEAKER_01
None of it would have been.
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, it s the worst thing ever.
4
SPEAKER_02
So I am obviously just stunned and I just run into the house.
4
SPEAKER_02
I leave the mower outside.
4
SPEAKER_02
I m gonna call my sister.
4
SPEAKER_02
I don t know what to do.
4
SPEAKER_00
This is now your brother-in-law s issue, not yours.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yes, exactly.
4
SPEAKER_02
And the bunny, unfortunately, it fell back into the hole.
4
SPEAKER_02
So there was no trying to retrieve it, you know, doctor it up or anything.
4
SPEAKER_02
So I called my sister and I realized she had called me.
4
SPEAKER_02
And so I was like, hey, what s going on?
4
SPEAKER_02
And I don t even remember if I went into my story because then she immediately tells me, she s like, something happened to Meg.
4
SPEAKER_02
And I was like, what?
4
SPEAKER_02
And that was our pet dog at home.
4
SPEAKER_02
She accidentally was chasing what we think was a ground squirrel off the deck and she was on a leash and she fell off and she accidentally hung herself.
4
SPEAKER_02
Our little kid brother found her, and so here I am.
4
SPEAKER_02
All these things happening in the matter of just a short span of time.
4
SPEAKER_02
I was just devastated.
4
SPEAKER_00
Inundated with animal stuff.
4
SPEAKER_00
Animal tragedy, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
Some of these stories are odd.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s all one thing.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yours is all animals.
4
SPEAKER_01
The other was all car.
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, it gets a little worse.
4
SPEAKER_02
Oh, dang.
4
SPEAKER_02
So I go to work, because I m like, well, I gotta go to work.
4
SPEAKER_00
These wings aren t gonna serve themselves.
4
SPEAKER_02
People are coming from Lake Louisville.
4
SPEAKER_02
They want their wings, so.
4
SPEAKER_02
I go to work, and after the dinner rush, I was like, I m gonna call my sister, and she s like, Emily, why are all these dead bunnies in the front yard?
4
SPEAKER_02
What?
4
SPEAKER_02
I was like, what are you talking about?
4
SPEAKER_02
There was one bunny, it s horrible, I don t even wanna talk about it.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t need such a sister conversation.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t even wanna talk about it.
4
SPEAKER_02
There was only one.
4
SPEAKER_02
So it turns out that the other bunnies that ran to safety ran underneath my car, which was parked out front.
4
SPEAKER_02
So essentially, I turned on the car, I went to work, and I ran over a three additional bunnies.
4
SPEAKER_01
This is not real.
4
SPEAKER_01
This is insane.
4
SPEAKER_02
You killed four bunnies that day.
4
SPEAKER_02
It s a massacre.
4
SPEAKER_02
It s the bunny massacre of 2009, and also on the same day that my beloved dog accidentally hung herself.
4
SPEAKER_02
Oh my God.
4
SPEAKER_02
Oh my God.
4
SPEAKER_02
And anybody who knows me knows I m the biggest pet lover.
4
SPEAKER_02
I ve always had pets.
4
SPEAKER_02
I had bunnies growing up.
4
SPEAKER_02
This was possibly the worst thing.
4
SPEAKER_02
You didn t feel it when you drove over them?
4
SPEAKER_02
They were teeny tiny.
4
SPEAKER_02
Fuck.
4
SPEAKER_00
They were real bunnies, not rabbits, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh fuck.
4
SPEAKER_00
And she was thinking about her poor dog who had just had the most gruesome- And the other bunny.
4
SPEAKER_00
The other bunny and the little brother, and she was distracted and the wings gotta be served, she gotta get to work.
4
SPEAKER_00
Shit.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s only slightly better than what I thought you were gonna say, which is, this happened when I was young.
4
SPEAKER_00
My friend s dad started up his car, and in Michigan, in the winter, a lot of stray cats would go lay on engine blocks, because they re warm.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if they re called a litter of kittens.
4
SPEAKER_00
He started up this like 1976 Pontiac big block with a huge fan on the motor and just chopped them all up and had to deal with like, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
So when you said, when you started your car, I was thinking, is there any way on earth you ve chopped yet another round of them up now with the.
5
SPEAKER_04
Well, essentially, she did.
5
SPEAKER_01
She smashed them.
5
SPEAKER_01
Well, she flattened those next ones.
5
SPEAKER_04
Why d they go under there?
5
SPEAKER_04
That was such a bad hiding place.
5
SPEAKER_03
They didn t know what to do.
5
SPEAKER_03
My car was parked out front, and it was the closest thing where they want to hide in between the curb and where the wheel is, and they were probably running from their sister or brother who was screaming in the lawn.
5
SPEAKER_04
Oh my gosh.
5
SPEAKER_04
Such a disaster.
5
SPEAKER_03
And I ve had a lot of terrible days, a lot of sad days, but I felt like on those days, you always kind of learn something.
5
SPEAKER_03
I learned nothing from this.
5
SPEAKER_03
There was no rhyme or reason for this bad day at all.
5
SPEAKER_01
Right, there s nothing to learn.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s like someday when you wake up, you might kill inadvertently a ton of animals on this day.
5
SPEAKER_04
Can you knock on wood?
5
SPEAKER_04
Yes, please.
5
SPEAKER_04
How do you know I don t like that one?
5
SPEAKER_01
Not this one, because it s wood color.
5
SPEAKER_01
Okay, sorry.
5
SPEAKER_01
Really quick, am I knocking so that no more animals die or that you never run over bunnies?
5
SPEAKER_01
What am I knocking for?
5
SPEAKER_04
I don t want to decapitate or run over any.
5
SPEAKER_03
Very important, I think I ll do it too just in case.
5
SPEAKER_03
I don t mow too many lawns.
5
SPEAKER_03
I don t think my sister ever let me mow the lawn at her house again.
5
SPEAKER_03
You were trying to do a nice thing.
5
SPEAKER_03
I don t like this.
5
SPEAKER_01
No deed left unpunished.
5
SPEAKER_01
No good deed.
5
SPEAKER_03
Speaking of my sister, she s here and I would really like if she could say hello.
5
SPEAKER_01
Of course, yes, let s get her in the mix.
5
SPEAKER_03
She s actually the original arm cherry of the family.
5
SPEAKER_03
She brought me into the fold.
5
SPEAKER_01
She s the OA, the original arm cherry.
5
SPEAKER_01
Hi, what s your name?
5
SPEAKER_04
Joanna.
5
SPEAKER_01
Hi, Joanna.
5
SPEAKER_04
Sorry about all the bunnies that were dead in your yard.
5
SPEAKER_01
Did you feel like you had to move?
5
SPEAKER_01
Like there had been a homicide at the home?
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, we had to move.
5
SPEAKER_02
The neighborhood was kind of thinking that there was something wrong with our house.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_02
But ironically, this week my girls found a bunny nest.
5
SPEAKER_02
The dog found it in the backyard.
5
SPEAKER_02
We brought the bunnies in because they were scattered.
5
SPEAKER_02
We tried to save them.
5
SPEAKER_02
We tried to bottle feed them because we were trying to, you know, make up for it.
5
SPEAKER_02
all of her sins.
5
SPEAKER_01
Passed indiscretions.
5
SPEAKER_02
I wasn t gonna tell this part of the story.
5
SPEAKER_02
And then, unfortunately, they did not survive.
5
SPEAKER_02
They could not survive without their mom.
5
SPEAKER_02
They ended up passing away, but we really tried to incubate them and do everything we could.
5
SPEAKER_02
You guys have an insane history.
5
SPEAKER_01
You guys are like the Grim Reapers of bunnies.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, we re done.
5
SPEAKER_02
Actually, we do call my mom the Grim Reaper of pets.
5
SPEAKER_02
Just because she doesn t like to see a dog live past its, you know, she says, you know what, we cannot let this dog go on.
5
SPEAKER_02
Dog needs to go down, it needs to,
5
SPEAKER_01
Like at six years old.
5
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
5
SPEAKER_04
I think it s genetic.
5
SPEAKER_04
You guys inherited some pet car.
5
SPEAKER_04
That pet juju.
5
SPEAKER_02
Well, we love you so, so much.
5
SPEAKER_02
We bank a pact not to listen to your episodes without each other.
5
SPEAKER_02
Sometimes we re going to go on a road trip.
5
SPEAKER_02
We will stock up episodes and listen to them only with each other.
5
SPEAKER_04
Oh, I love this.
5
SPEAKER_04
Really sweet.
5
SPEAKER_02
And my girls also love you, and they told me to tell you that they love listening to Arm Turn On.
5
SPEAKER_02
Of course, I listen to episodes first, but my 15-year-old says the waxing episode is her favorite.
5
SPEAKER_02
She wanted me to tell you.
5
SPEAKER_01
That s a rough one.
5
SPEAKER_02
It scarred her from getting waxed forever, so I think it was a good lesson.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, true.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I hope it scarred her for having sex within an hour of your wax, because that s the one that really stuck with me.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s all I could think about.
5
SPEAKER_01
The huge infection.
5
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, that s... Well, and the woman that it got ripped off.
5
SPEAKER_04
She talks about it daily.
5
SPEAKER_01
Do you guys have a theory?
5
SPEAKER_01
Because what I hear most is that, yeah, kids like Armchair Anonymous.
5
SPEAKER_01
I never hear that people listen to the main show with their kids, but I ve heard from so many people that their kids love Armchair Anonymous.
5
SPEAKER_02
I think it s just funny, and they don t know what s coming.
5
SPEAKER_01
Nor do we.
5
SPEAKER_04
It s like the unexpected.
5
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, there s always a big crescendo, like good storytelling.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, maybe they re hot and fast, you get four an episode.
5
SPEAKER_04
There s a lot of gross aspects, and kids love that.
5
SPEAKER_04
Kids love gross.
5
SPEAKER_01
We love gross, too.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, we re kids.
5
SPEAKER_01
What s the age difference?
5
SPEAKER_01
Because I think it s adorable you guys get along so well.
5
SPEAKER_02
We re four years apart, but there s a brother between us.
5
SPEAKER_02
We re from a family of eight.
5
SPEAKER_02
Wow.
5
SPEAKER_01
Oh my lord.
5
SPEAKER_02
It s Iowa.
5
SPEAKER_01
Did they need you to work a farm or something?
5
SPEAKER_02
For a little bit, yeah.
5
SPEAKER_02
We had a llama farm and a goat farm.
5
SPEAKER_02
We had rabbits too.
5
SPEAKER_02
And we had rabbits.
5
SPEAKER_02
We did.
5
SPEAKER_02
Oh my gosh.
5
SPEAKER_02
She tried to feed her pet rabbit chicken ones.
5
SPEAKER_02
She like walked out of the house with some chicken.
5
SPEAKER_02
And my mom was like, where are you going?
5
SPEAKER_02
I wasn t going to tell that part either.
5
SPEAKER_04
Oh, a storied history.
5
SPEAKER_01
You guys are not to be trusted around rabbits if we learn a single thing.
5
SPEAKER_02
We know that.
5
SPEAKER_02
Please don t send any rabbits.
5
SPEAKER_02
But every single stray dog in about a 30 mile radius will find this woman.
5
SPEAKER_02
She is a safe haven for dogs.
5
SPEAKER_02
I m good with dogs, yes, I got that.
5
SPEAKER_01
So you re kind of net neutral.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
You ve saved a bunch, you ve killed a bunch.
5
SPEAKER_01
You re at the same level as me, having not participated.
5
SPEAKER_01
Oh, thanks for chatting, guys.
5
SPEAKER_01
Lovely meeting you, sisters.
5
SPEAKER_01
This is so fun.
5
SPEAKER_03
Oh my gosh, we love you.
5
SPEAKER_03
Yes, thank you so much for letting me tell my worst day ever.
5
SPEAKER_03
That was incredible.
5
SPEAKER_01
All right, take care.
5
SPEAKER_01
Thank you.
5
SPEAKER_01
Bye.
5
SPEAKER_01
Bye.
5
SPEAKER_01
Oh my Lord, it s too cute.
5
SPEAKER_04
They were so cute.
5
SPEAKER_01
They go on road trips together in the stockpile.
5
SPEAKER_01
I want a sister.
5
SPEAKER_01
Oh, I want a sister.
5
SPEAKER_04
These were great.
5
SPEAKER_01
They were great.
5
SPEAKER_01
I mean, what else were we expecting?
5
SPEAKER_04
It could have gone, I was a little worried.
5
SPEAKER_01
There d be death.
5
SPEAKER_01
Well, other than bunny death.
5
SPEAKER_04
And the young girl.
5
SPEAKER_01
But it wasn t part of their worst, no.
5
SPEAKER_01
You re right, but it was part.
5
SPEAKER_01
But if someone said like, they called and they told us about the day their parent died or something.
5
SPEAKER_01
I figured we probably wouldn t have picked that.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, that s a good point.
5
SPEAKER_04
But these stories could have just been like, this bad thing, and then this bad thing, and this bad, but these were good.
5
SPEAKER_01
No, they were, story-wise, they were nearly biblical, some of them.
5
SPEAKER_01
Geez.
5
SPEAKER_01
All right.
5
SPEAKER_01
All right.
5
SPEAKER_00
Love you.
5
SPEAKER_01
Love you.
5
SPEAKER_00
Do you want to sing a tune or something?
5
SPEAKER_00
Or a theme song?
5
SPEAKER_00
No.
5
SPEAKER_00
Okay, great.
5
SPEAKER_00
We don t have a theme song for this new show, so here I go, go, go.
5
SPEAKER_00
We re going to ask some random questions, and with the help of armchairies, we ll get some suggestions on the fly, right?