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 Bring a little optimism into your life with The Bright Side, a new kind of daily podcast from Hello Sunshine, hosted by me, Danielle Robay.
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And me, Simone Boyce.
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Every weekday, we're bringing you conversations about culture, the latest trends, inspiration, and so much more.
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I am so excited about this podcast, The Bright Side.
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You guys are giving people a chance to shine a light on their lives, shine a light on a little advice that they want to share.
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 Listen to The Bright Side on America's number one podcast network, iHeart.
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Open your free iHeart app and search The Bright Side.
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Hey, everyone, this is Molly and Matt, and we're the hosts of Grown Up Stuff How to Adult, a podcast from Ruby Studio and iHeart Podcasts.
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It's a show dedicated to helping you figure out the trickiest parts of adulting.
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 like how to start planning for retirement, creating a healthy skincare routine, understanding when and how much to tip someone, and so much more.
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Let's learn about all of it and then some.
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Listen to Grown Up Stuff How to Adult on America's number one podcast network, iHeart.
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Open your free iHeart app and search Grown Up Stuff.
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This is the story of how a group of people brought music back to Afghanistan by creating their own version of American Idol.
0
SPEAKER_09
 The joy they brought to the nation.
0
SPEAKER_01
You're free completely.
0
SPEAKER_01
No one is there to destroy you.
0
SPEAKER_09
The danger they endured.
0
SPEAKER_03
They said my head should be cut off.
0
SPEAKER_09
I'm John Legend.
0
SPEAKER_09
Listen to Afghan Star on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
0
SPEAKER_04
 We've made gifts to feel like such a important big thing around this time of year.
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SPEAKER_04
And it often leads to more disappointment and more anxiety.
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The giver is full of anxiety.
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The receiver now has unmet expectations, feels extremely disappointed.
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And it also ruins the spirit and the moment that we're trying to create, which is just about connection and love.
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 Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world.
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Thanks to each and every single one of you that come back every week to listen, learn, and grow.
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Now, today's episode is a special one because it's coming up to the holidays and I am a huge, huge, huge holiday fan.
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 I love Christmas music.
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I love Christmas decorations.
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I love Christmas trees.
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I like anything to do with Christmas.
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I grew up as the biggest Christmas geek and it's my favorite time of the year.
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I'm that person who's playing Christmas music on every car journey from my phone at any given moment I possibly can.
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And I love the energy.
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 of the season.
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I love how it makes me feel nostalgically.
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I remember this being a special time with my family back home in London.
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I remember some of the rituals and routines we would do.
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I remember the shopping trips we'd go on.
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I remember the idea of opening up my one special gift on Christmas day
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 And so I have so many good memories attached to this period as well.
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And even though now I'm away from family, I still really enjoy putting up my tree, putting up the lights, just getting into that festive spirit.
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And the music just takes me back.
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 But at the same time, I know that this can also be a time of a lot of stress and anxiety.
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And sometimes as we get older, we find ourselves finding this time even more stressful, nerve-wracking, and anxious because we have more responsibilities.
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We now become the parents.
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We become the gift givers.
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We become the hosts.
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Or we become the visitors and guests.
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And even that can be challenging.
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And so there are so many different types
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 of challenges and anxiety that people experience during this time.
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And I think it's really, really important to address them.
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So I wanted to dedicate this podcast
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 to methods of reducing anxiety and the types of anxiety we feel during the holiday season.
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Because if any one of you right now who's listening is feeling any sense of anxiety or nervousness as it comes up to the holidays, I mean, you know, how far are we right now?
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We're literally one week away from Christmas if you're listening to this.
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 And I just want to make sure that you're prepared.
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So if you're one of those people that have already been to a couple of holiday parties, and you know that you've got your big ones coming up, this is the podcast to listen to.
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If you have friends in your life that you know are struggling during this time, maybe they've been through a particular type of stress, I'll talk about some of the most common types of stress.
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I think this is the podcast that everyone's going to need at this time of year.
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And I hope you take a moment to listen to it and share it with someone as well.
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 So I want to start off by some of the research I was looking at from the American Psychological Association, or the APA.
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The website is apa.org if you want to check out some of what I'm referring to.
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And they have something on there called the Holiday Stress Resource Center.
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And
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 I found this to be really useful in looking at the different types of stress.
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And I think it's really important to have the skill to be able to label and articulate your stress.
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One of the challenges we have is we often say things like, I'm just stressed about everything, right?
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When someone says, well, what are you stressed about?
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We say, just everything, you know, everything's just so stressful.
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 And when we don't have the words for something, it actually makes it harder for our mind to deal with it.
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This is something I've learned over time is that when you don't have the vocabulary to articulate what you are internally experiencing,
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 it actually becomes harder to deal with it.
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Because when you don't know what it is, that creates more anxiety, the unknown.
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In the same way as if you have a rash on your arm or on your hand and you decide to Google it,
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 And you don't know what it is.
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You don't have the language or the vocabulary for it.
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All of a sudden, you feel you have every infectious disease on the planet, right?
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When you self-diagnose, it leads to this feeling of more anxiety now.
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So in the same way, when we can't diagnose, when we can't articulate, when we don't have the vocabulary for what is happening internally,
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 we actually deal with more struggle.
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So when I went on to the APA, it talked about how there were many different triggers for our stress and anxiety during the holidays.
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Now, I know I'm not going to cover every possible one because they truly can be unlimited.
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But I'm encouraging you, at this point in the podcast,
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 to really take a moment to define what types of anxiety you're currently experiencing.
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And I promise you that this activity and exercise is going to help you manage it better and in a more healthy way, just as if you diagnose a rash, you know what it is, you know what to do.
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You don't over-amplify or under-sell what that is.
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 I think this is a really important note, that often we either over-amplify an anxiety when we don't know what it is, or we treat it with less care than it deserves.
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How many times have you done that?
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Where when you don't know what something is, you either amplify it to feel like the worst thing ever, or you underplay it.
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So often we underplay our pain and we say, oh no, it's nothing, it's nothing, it's nothing.
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And then later on, you find out it is something.
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 And so articulating and diagnosing and giving a vocabulary allows you to deal with something for what it truly, truly is.
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So one of the first stresses that the APA talks about
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 is dealing with the pressure of giving.
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How many of you feel the pressure to get the right gift for the right person and you're sitting there for ages, you order that thing, you then realize it's not the right thing, and then you had a conversation with them where they said, well, I don't like that, that's not the right thing, and now you're looking at something else.
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 And all of a sudden, you now are feeling the anxiety of gift giving.
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And I was looking at some statistics on Investopedia to give you some idea.
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Planned holiday spending breaks down to $648 on gifts for family, friends, and co-workers.
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 $231 on non-gift holiday items, including food and decorations, and $118 on other non-gift items for self and family.
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That's roughly the average that people are spending.
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So $998 is the average amount that consumers expect to spend on winter holidays in 2021.
0
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 Then I was on finder.com and I saw this interesting reset study that talked about Christmas gift confessions.
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And it said that Americans have wasted $15.2 billion on unwanted gifts.
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 We've wasted $15.2 billion on unwanted gifts, so 43% of that is made of clothing and accessories, 20% of that is in household items, 12% is cosmetics and fragrances, 4% is food or drink, 5% is technology, music is 4%, and literature is 8%, which means the best gifts that people are less likely
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 to feel it's wasted are technology and literature.
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Books and tech are good gifts to give.
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And food, of course, goes in there.
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Clothing and household items go as the biggest wastes that often get returned or have to go back.
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So, so important to think about them.
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And around 30% of people keep their unwanted gifts.
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Around 30% give it to someone else.
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 20% exchange them, 7% actually sell their unwanted gifts, says finder.com, and 4% give them back, 4% throw them away, and that's pretty much how it stacks up.
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So when you think about that, it starts to make you realize that gifts are given too much importance
0
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 when so many of them are given back, exchanged, sold, and we can switch our focus to experiences, we can start to recognize that an experience is far more valuable than a gift.
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Because if someone's had an experience, it's an exchange of time.
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And if you've organized something for everyone to do, and everyone has had that experience of food and drink that was up there,
0
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 then that doesn't feel like as much anxiety, and it actually reduces our anxiety because we stop giving gifts so much precedence.
0
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And I think this is a really, really important thing that we need to reprogram ourselves.
0
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We've made gifts to feel like such a important big thing around this time of year, and it often leads to more disappointment and more anxiety.
0
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The giver is full of anxiety, the receiver now
0
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 has unmet expectations, feels extremely disappointed, and it also ruins the spirit and the moment that we're trying to create, which is just about connection and love.
0
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And so I think it's so important that as receivers and givers, we think about communicating with the people in our life and really talking about whether gifts are important, whether gifts are the only thing.
0
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We don't do that thing where we say, oh, yeah, I don't mind if you don't get me a gift, and then we're upset when they don't.
0
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 Or we say, oh, I don't mind if you get me a gift, and probably let's not worry about it.
0
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Then you get them a surprise gift and hope that they give you a surprise gift.
0
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We play all these games with each other.
0
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Let's communicate really effectively about what we do and don't want.
0
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 Let's also reduce the emphasis on gifts and increase the emphasis on experiences.
0
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And let's also set realistic expectations when people are giving us something.
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If we haven't told them what we want very clearly, chances are we won't get it.
0
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Chances are it's not going to be wrapped beautifully under the Christmas tree.
0
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And so it's so important to really resolve the amount of pressure we place on gift giving.
0
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 This was a really interesting thing from the APA, and it was from an expert, Pauline Wallin, PhD, a clinical psychologist in Camp Hill, Pennsylvania.
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She said, over the course of my career, I have talked to thousands of patients, and never once has anyone said, I'll never forgive my parents for not getting me that fabulous toy for Christmas.
0
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 She said parents overestimate the importance of the holidays in the overall picture of their kids' lives.
0
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Those are not the memories the kids will carry with them to the world to guide and inspire them, which hopefully offers some relief.
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You know, like hopefully Phil you can breathe again and recognize that it isn't all about that.
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 She goes on to say, a parent could sit down with their kid, even as young as six or seven years old, and explain a budget.
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When they're aware of the family budget, I think it helps them share the responsibility for good choices.
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I thought that was a beautiful idea, because we may never have had that.
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And that's why we think the way we think about Christmas, and we put so much pressure on Christmas.
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 But what if it was possible to actually have a child understand budgeting from a much younger age?
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I remember my parents would always say to me that we'd get one gift.
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 because that's what the budget was.
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So we could only pick one thing.
0
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There was only one thing we could have.
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And I think that always made it very, very simple.
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And then if they managed to get us something small on top of that, it always felt like this really exciting bonus.
0
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So setting that budgeting example is really powerful.
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And so I really hope that that helps in your gift giving.
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I'm sure there's lots more things I could share there, but hopefully that's some insight.
0
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 When you find that bright spot to help you get through your day, it's powerful.
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That's where The Bright Side comes in.
0
SPEAKER_10
A new daily podcast from Hello Sunshine that's bringing you a daily dose of joy.
0
SPEAKER_10
I'm Danielle Robay.
0
SPEAKER_10
And I'm Simone Boyce.
0
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Listen, both Danielle and I are reporters.
0
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We've covered the news and we know the world can feel heavy, but The Bright Side podcast is a space to have a little fun, to learn something new and get into some friendly debates.
0
SPEAKER_10
 That's right.
0
SPEAKER_10
Join us five days a week to see how life can look from the bright side.
0
SPEAKER_02
We'll hear from celebrities, authors, experts and listeners like you, whether it's relationships, friend advice or figuring out how to navigate life's transitions.
0
SPEAKER_02
We'll talk through it all together.
0
SPEAKER_10
Listen to the bright side from Hello Sunshine every weekday on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
0
SPEAKER_09
 When the Taliban banned music in Afghanistan, millions were plunged into silence.
0
SPEAKER_09
Radios were smashed.
0
SPEAKER_09
Cassettes burned.
0
SPEAKER_09
You could be beaten or jailed or killed for breaking the rules.
0
SPEAKER_09
And yet, Afghans did it anyway.
0
SPEAKER_09
This is the story of how a group of people brought music back to Afghanistan by creating their own version of American Idol.
0
SPEAKER_09
 The danger they endured.
0
SPEAKER_03
They said my head should be cut off.
0
SPEAKER_09
The joy they brought to the nation.
0
SPEAKER_01
You're free completely.
0
SPEAKER_01
No one is there to destroy you.
0
SPEAKER_09
I'm John Legend.
0
SPEAKER_09
Listen to Afghan Star on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
0
SPEAKER_07
 A new season of Bridgerton is here.
0
SPEAKER_07
And with it, a new season of Bridgerton, the official podcast.
0
SPEAKER_07
I'm your host, Gabrielle Collins.
0
SPEAKER_07
And this season, we are bringing fans even deeper into the ton.
0
SPEAKER_07
Colin Bridgerton has returned from his travels abroad.
0
SPEAKER_07
Is Betrothal written in the stars for the eligible bachelor?
0
SPEAKER_07
Meanwhile, the ton is reverberating with speculation of who holds Lady Whistledown's pen.
0
SPEAKER_07
We're discussing it all.
0
SPEAKER_07
 I sit down with Nicola Coughlin, Luke Newton, Shonda Rhimes, and more to offer an exclusive peek behind the scenes of each episode of the new season.
0
SPEAKER_07
Watch season three of the Shondaland series on Netflix.
0
SPEAKER_07
Then, fall in love all over again by listening to Bridgerton, the official podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
0
SPEAKER_07
Subscribe to catch a new episode every Thursday.
0
SPEAKER_04
 The next thing is finances.
0
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And I've talked a bit about spending habits already, but finances can be a big, big stressor during this time.
0
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And one of the most important things to do is to start with the budget, to not just say, well, let's see what we can get or not track what you're spending.
0
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It's really important to create a budget that you feel comfortable with.
0
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 As I said, the average spend is about $1,000.
0
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You may be spending more, you may be spending less.
0
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It's just really important to set something that you're truly, truly comfortable with.
0
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And remember that you shouldn't feel pressure to spend more or less based on what other people are doing.
0
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It's truly about how much you feel comfortable spending.
0
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Often we say, oh, but they spend so much on their gifts, and last year they gave us so much.
0
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And that kind of pressure can often ruin the relationship.
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It can ruin the interaction.
0
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 And it's so important to just be honest with where we truly are and give something with love, to give something really, really thoughtful.
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I know that some of the best gifts I've given have not been the most expensive, but they've been the most thoughtful.
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They've been the most powerful.
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They've been the most meaningful.
0
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And often when I've given gifts that are expensive, they've actually been so easy to give that there isn't much thought in them.
0
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So really think about that.
0
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 Now, another thing the APA points out is that you have to recognize how you deal with stress related to money.
0
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So it says that in tough economic times, some people are more likely to relieve stress by turning to unhealthy activities, such as smoking, drinking, gabbling, or emotional eating.
0
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So you end up spending more to actually deal with your stress of spending in the first place.
0
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And so it's important to understand your relationship with money during this time of year
0
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 And again, investing in experiences and memories is more important than investing in gifts.
0
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It's so, so important to build those moments and build those memories as opposed to building a gift culture in your home.
0
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 Again, I'm not saying don't get gifts.
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I love gifts.
0
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I know what my family is getting me for Christmas.
0
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I know what I'm getting them.
0
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But if you are creating a gift plan, create a gift budget for each other as well.
0
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And even creating a budget within the family creates so much more joy during this time rather than the guessing game of how much will someone spend on us.
0
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 The APA goes on to say that the next thing that people struggle with the most during this time is relationships.
0
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It could be that awkward conversation you've been trying to avoid.
0
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It could be managing the kids during this time.
0
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It could be just, you know, not wanting to see someone again.
0
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And it can also be the idea of loss.
0
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Maybe you've lost someone.
0
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I know for my family,
0
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 we lost my grandmother during the pandemic.
0
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And we're so used to celebrating Christmas at my uncle's home, where my grandmother used to live.
0
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And my grandfather also passed away just before.
0
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And so I know that this year, they're not going to want to celebrate Christmas at their home.
0
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There's a lot of rituals and routines that they don't want to do.
0
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 I'm not even sure if they put their tree up this year.
0
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And that's kind of the things we have to think about when it comes to loss, that how can we help someone who's dealing with loss?
0
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And how can we also help ourselves if we've lost someone in the last couple of years and Christmas doesn't feel the same anymore?
0
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It's really important to ask some really
0
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 difficult questions, but questions that could hopefully help us go in the right direction.
0
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So the APA says that, you know, there may be some traditions that you don't want to do.
0
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Maybe they're just too painful and it makes sense to either not do any traditions or maybe try something new.
0
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It's a real opportunity to create something new.
0
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 You may not want to celebrate in the same place.
0
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You may want to travel.
0
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You may want to be at a different home.
0
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I think these are very important conversations to have, because on the day, these things can really, really put a lot of pressure on us.
0
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Who are the people you want to be around?
0
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This is a really, really critical question.
0
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Often, we feel the pressure to be around family and specific family, but we have to also be around our chosen family.
0
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It's really important to make sure that you are around a tribe that you want to be around.
0
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 So these are some of the main areas that the APA talks about.
0
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I want to go over some really key principles that I think are going to help you during this time overall that you can apply no matter what situation you're in.
0
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The number one thing is to be cautious with your calendar.
0
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Don't overcommit.
0
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 and remember it's okay to say no i think too many of us we just start saying yes to everything of course it's nice to see everyone again it's been a long time but we end up saying yes to so many people and often i say no to people in it really.
0
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Like i'm really sad and sorry i'm going back to london someone messaged me the other day and they said hey j i'd love to meet up with you in london.
0
SPEAKER_04
 And I just was honest and I said, you know what?
0
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My parents haven't seen me.
0
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They've seen me once in the last two years.
0
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I really feel like my sister and my parents are my priority on this trip.
0
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And I'm just really sorry.
0
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I'll let you know if I have time.
0
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And I feel like it would've been so easy for me to say, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
0
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And the next thing I know, my calendar's filled.
0
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I feel anxious because of my calendar being so busy.
0
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And then I feel overcommitted.
0
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You have to remember it's okay to say no.
0
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And remember, it's not saying no, it's explaining why you're saying no
0
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 with the truth of what the reality is, not having to come up with an answer.
0
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But one of the reasons why we create anxiety in our lives is that we're not cautious with our calendars.
0
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And so I recommend having your calendar open every time you say yes to someone or no to someone.
0
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You look at it and use it throughout the period so that there's never a time when you're just back to back.
0
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Okay, the next one is prioritizing sleep.
0
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Now, I know this may sound counterintuitive.
0
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You may say, Jay, I want to stay up all night.
0
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I want to have fun.
0
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 But what I find is that we often get unwell, we get tired, we get more anxious when we don't sleep well.
0
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When I was reading from the sleepfoundation.org, I was looking at the connection between anxiety and sleep.
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And I think often we're not really aware of that connection, and we don't recognize how deeply interrelated they are.
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Research findings suggest that sleep loss and anxiety are closely linked
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 This was an article from Psychology Today that talked about how we've learned that sleep provides the brain with an invaluable period of transporting toxins out of neural tissue through a complex garbage removal system.
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Operating separately from the body's lymphatic system, the brain's trash disposal apparatus seems dependent on sleep to function properly.
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 When you hear that, doesn't it just blow your mind and you think, wow, I thought sleep was just about getting rest, but there is so much cleansing happening.
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There is so much brainwashing happening during sleep.
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Poor sleep seems to put the brain on guard by triggering spikes in stress hormones like cortisol, producing an early AM anxiety bloom even before the day begins.
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 I cannot stress to you all how important it is to get good sleep.
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Some of my favorite sleep habits include sleeping at 67 degrees Fahrenheit to get that cooler temperature.
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Often we want to be cozy and warm, but you want to sleep in a room that is at 67 degrees.
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You want to sleep in cave-like darkness, no lights, no light coming in through the window.
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Get curtains, get shades, get blinds.
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 One of my other favorite sleep techniques is making sure that I'm sleeping in a room where the sight, sense, and sounds are really created that ambience.
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So whether it's a candle, whether it's a diffuser, whether it's an essential oil that just really calms your body, it's really healthy to have that in that space.
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 Now, another one is really allowing for imperfection and not meeting people's expectations.
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I think no matter how hard you try with food, a party, an event, it's never truly going to live up to anyone's expectations.
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And we have to allow for imperfection ourselves.
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I think we often put pressure on ourselves.
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 A lot of the pressure around the holiday time is on ourselves.
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Are we going to organize a good enough party?
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Are we going to make good enough food?
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Are people going to think we're good hosts?
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And we're constantly worried about how people are going to think of us.
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And the truth is that no one really ever is going to be fully satisfied, not because you're not great,
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 but because people have so many different expectations and you can't appeal to every single person.
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I think sometimes we get so lost trying to make sure that everyone's happy that no one's happy.
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Whereas if we actually just allowed for imperfection and tried our best, more people would get our energy.
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And remember that people are looking to feel love through you, not through what you give them.
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And I think this is something that I've noticed so much.
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If I go to someone's home,
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 I'm deeply touched by how they speak to me, how they welcome me, how they connect with me, so much more than what was in the gift bag or what was for dinner.
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The care and the attention in mood and spirit and energy goes much longer way, and it's something you can fully, fully control.
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Now, I think it's also important at this time to remember that we focus on what truly matters, experiences and human connection and memories, making new memories.
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 It's not the gifts, it's not the food, it's not, you know, that doesn't make the memories.
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What makes the memories is that human connection.
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And I really hope that the people that you're worried about seeing, I hope you practice conversations before.
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I hope you prepare in advance for those conversations.
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 And the best way to do that is to think about who are the people that are going to trigger you, what are they going to say, and practice your response now, before you go there.
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That's the best way to do it, because what that does is it means that now when you hear those words, you already knew they were coming, and you've already programmed yourself to not give an instinctual response, but to give a practiced response.
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What the practiced response does is it allows you to respond without anxiety.
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I find it shocking how so many people
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 will know the person who's going to trigger them.
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They know that that person's going to upset them.
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And then they still let that person upset them.
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If you know someone is going to upset you, be upset now and practice how you respond to make sure you don't feel upset in the moment.
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When you practice that conversation now, when you practice that feeling, I do this all the time.
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When I was about to go and become a monk, whenever I'd be with my family, they'd always be like, why are you going to be a monk?
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Why are you going to do this?
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I knew I was going to have those questions.
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And I responded by saying, this is something that means a lot to me.
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 And sometimes they would laugh at that.
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Sometimes they would make fun of that.
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And I would just say, okay, I would move on with it because I realized it didn't affect my life.
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It didn't affect my decision.
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And that's what I've realized, that winning an argument with your family doesn't solve anything.
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It doesn't solve what's happening in the real world.
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And therefore, allowing yourself just the space to not have to make your holidays a place of debate creates so much peace and declutters the mind.
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 And the final thing I want to say is make sure you take some time to reflect.
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This is one of the things that's often avoided until the 1st of January.
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I'm going to do an amazing episode in the next couple of weeks about how to reflect during this time and I really truly hope that you'll make time
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 for that because you've done some amazing things this year.
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You have achieved some incredible things this year and I want you to take a moment to truly honor how far you've come.
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Thank you so much for tuning in to today's episode.
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It means the world to me to have this time with you and I cannot wait, I cannot wait to see you again next week.
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Thanks everyone.
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Take care.
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Bye.
1
SPEAKER_00
 A new season of Bridgerton is here.
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And with it, a new season of Bridgerton, the official podcast.
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I'm your host, Gabby Collins.
1
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And this season, we are bringing fans even deeper into the ton.
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Watch season three of the Shondaland series on Netflix.
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Then fall in love all over again by listening to Bridgerton, the official podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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Subscribe to catch a new episode every Thursday.
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 Discover a new educational and interactive podcast, Stories for Kids by Lingokids.
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Our episodes are packed with fun activities.
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Right, Elliot?
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Oh, yes.
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We went shape hunting around the block, and we found spheres and cubes on the street.
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That was great fun.
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Join Stories for Kids, the Lingokids podcast, inspiring you to learn while having fun.
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Listen to Stories for Kids on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
1
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 Guess what, Will?
1
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What's that, Mango?
1
SPEAKER_01
I've been trying to write a promo for our podcast, Part-Time Genius, but even though we've done over 250 episodes, we don't really talk about murders or cults.
1
SPEAKER_01
I mean, we did just cover the Illuminati of cheese, so I feel like that makes us pretty edgy.
1
SPEAKER_01
We also solve mysteries like how Chinese is your Chinese food and how do dollar stores make money?
1
SPEAKER_01
And then, of course, can you game a dog show?
1
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So what you're saying is everyone should be listening.
1
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Listen to Part-Time Genius on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.