0
SPEAKER_01
Good morning.
0
SPEAKER_00
Good morning.
0
SPEAKER_00
How are you?
0
SPEAKER_00
Good.
0
SPEAKER_00
You look cute today.
0
SPEAKER_00
Thanks.
0
SPEAKER_00
So do you.
0
SPEAKER_00
I like your outfit.
0
SPEAKER_00
You have your new little shorts that I bought, you bought, I bought.
0
SPEAKER_00
No, that you bought in my presence.
0
SPEAKER_01
I did.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, we had a fun shopping trip.
0
SPEAKER_01
We did.
0
SPEAKER_01
I loved it.
0
SPEAKER_01
I teased it on a fact check.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh.
0
SPEAKER_01
Dax was asking what I did that weekend.
0
SPEAKER_01
I said we went shopping, and then there was a story that we were gonna tell on Synced, and so I didn t say the name of the place.
0
SPEAKER_01
And so I m going to keep that place under wraps, but should we?
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_01
Well, I don t know how to handle this.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_01
So we re going to do it anyway.
0
SPEAKER_01
I walk in to the store and you were there already.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I saw, as soon as I walk in, I see that you re like engaged.
0
SPEAKER_01
with a band who works there.
0
SPEAKER_01
I don t want to enter the conversation.
0
SPEAKER_01
So I just start looking at clothes.
0
SPEAKER_01
And then I text you, I m here.
0
SPEAKER_01
And you re like, me too.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, yeah, I see you.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like, just come here.
0
SPEAKER_01
But you were still in an enraptured conversation
0
SPEAKER_01
And then you came over, and I was like, do you know him?
0
SPEAKER_01
Because I thought, oh, maybe Liz knows that person.
0
SPEAKER_01
The way you were conversing, it really seemed like you knew him.
0
SPEAKER_01
And then you didn t.
0
SPEAKER_01
You were just chit-chatting, waiting for me.
0
SPEAKER_01
And then you felt that he was a little overbearing.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yes, overly familiar.
0
SPEAKER_01
And now we re worried because we did end up telling him about our podcast.
0
SPEAKER_00
But now he ll really know.
0
SPEAKER_00
I think you should cut that part out.
0
SPEAKER_00
Because we could have gone to a bunch of different areas.
0
SPEAKER_00
If he listens, he s going to know.
0
SPEAKER_00
Do you think he really is going to listen, though?
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, fuck.
0
SPEAKER_00
What I was thinking about the other day, I was like, this is a good story.
0
SPEAKER_00
Because there s a lot of meatiness to it.
0
SPEAKER_00
Because Monica let me come into the changing room with her, which is a new level.
0
SPEAKER_01
Well, she kind of snuck her way in.
0
SPEAKER_00
Well, no.
0
SPEAKER_01
Forced her way in?
0
SPEAKER_00
A little bit.
0
SPEAKER_00
I actually went into the other one and they were like, you know, you can come in mine.
0
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, oh my God, this is the best day of my life.
0
SPEAKER_00
And so then you even changed in front of me, which I didn t look.
0
SPEAKER_00
I looked to the ground so that you would feel comfortable.
0
SPEAKER_00
That s nice.
0
SPEAKER_00
But I was really excited on the inside.
0
SPEAKER_00
Uh, not sexually.
0
SPEAKER_01
No, because you felt like I trusted you.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
0
SPEAKER_00
To me, these are landmark moments.
0
SPEAKER_00
Experiencing them brings me a lot of joy.
0
SPEAKER_00
But yeah, so once we were in the changing room, I just started realizing what was happening.
0
SPEAKER_00
I was like, oh, my God, this guy s now, like, following us around and, like, talking to us.
0
SPEAKER_00
I m looking in the future of, like, how this interaction is going to end.
0
SPEAKER_00
He s going to try and get my, like, just the awkwardness of it all.
0
SPEAKER_00
And then you were, like, you were best friends with him.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like, you let him believe that you were interested, not romantically or anything, but just that you were interested in conversing at all.
0
SPEAKER_00
Right.
0
SPEAKER_00
And all we did was talk about you.
0
SPEAKER_00
That was why I was so enraptured and interested.
0
SPEAKER_00
That may have given him the impression that I feel about him the way I feel about you, but I don t.
0
SPEAKER_00
And so then we were in the changing room, and then you were like, look, when someone says, like, do you need help?
0
SPEAKER_00
And then we did... We did a role play.
0
SPEAKER_00
We did a role play.
0
SPEAKER_00
I taught you.
0
SPEAKER_00
You taught me how to respond.
0
SPEAKER_00
And so you keep looking at what you re looking at.
0
SPEAKER_00
You say, oh, no, no, thank you.
0
SPEAKER_00
And then you turn around right away.
0
SPEAKER_01
That s right.
0
SPEAKER_00
You turn around.
0
SPEAKER_01
No, no, I m good.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m just looking.
0
SPEAKER_01
Thank you.
0
SPEAKER_01
You can make a very quick eye contact with a smile.
0
SPEAKER_01
Say, oh, thank you.
0
SPEAKER_01
No, I m good.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m just looking.
0
SPEAKER_01
Then you immediately go back to your clothes.
0
SPEAKER_00
But then we went to another stop.
0
SPEAKER_00
where there was a very different vibe going on with you and the salesperson.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh.
0
SPEAKER_00
Well, I didn t have a vibe with him.
0
SPEAKER_00
No, but you were way more friendly.
0
SPEAKER_00
The both of us were.
0
SPEAKER_00
We were like best friends with him.
0
SPEAKER_00
I mean, not best friends, but we were having a lot of fun.
0
SPEAKER_01
Well, okay.
0
SPEAKER_01
So I was trying stuff on.
0
SPEAKER_01
You were waiting outside.
0
SPEAKER_01
And then this nice man, he just brought you a jacket to try on.
0
SPEAKER_01
We can t go into such detail.
0
SPEAKER_00
He s gonna listen.
0
SPEAKER_00
I don t want to hurt his feelings.
0
SPEAKER_01
Him, it s me, you.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yes, that s right.
0
SPEAKER_00
If you re listening, it s not you, it s me.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s not.
0
SPEAKER_01
I think we get ourselves, a lot of women, and you re one of them, get yourselves stuck, and I ve done this too, stuck in situations that you don t mean to be in because of friendliness.
0
SPEAKER_01
Right.
0
SPEAKER_01
Because we think we have to be so friendly, and then you end up like getting sort of followed around the store, and then he brought you a jacket to try on, but you weren t gonna buy it or anything.
0
SPEAKER_01
It did look really cute on you.
0
SPEAKER_00
It did, but it s never gonna happen.
0
SPEAKER_01
That s how I let you in, because I could tell things were going badly.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like, I could tell in your voice that you, at that point, didn t like the amount of attention.
0
SPEAKER_01
And so then I said, you can come in this dressing room with me.
0
SPEAKER_01
How can you tell the high pitch?
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, maybe it s about the pitch, or I think I just know you.
0
SPEAKER_01
But there was another man working there, and then this happened again at another store.
0
SPEAKER_01
And this is not fair, but these people were gay men, and there s no problem chit-chatting with them.
0
SPEAKER_01
I don t feel like I have to do my thing of being in my bubble.
0
SPEAKER_00
You were totally different.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, because there s no threat at all of it turning into something.
0
SPEAKER_01
Then it s like, can t just two straight people have regular interactions?
0
SPEAKER_01
I think they can.
0
SPEAKER_01
I think we should.
0
SPEAKER_00
I think that would solve a lot of problems.
0
SPEAKER_00
But it s like, how do you... Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s so... What s the solution?
0
SPEAKER_00
I don t think there is one.
0
SPEAKER_00
I think currently it s the way of the world.
0
SPEAKER_00
I will stay my ground on this.
0
SPEAKER_00
I think it s good that men do go up to women in public.
0
SPEAKER_00
I don t think we should just be on apps all day and that that s how we should be meeting.
0
SPEAKER_00
I do think people should be meeting.
0
SPEAKER_00
Again, nothing inappropriate happened.
0
SPEAKER_00
No, no.
0
SPEAKER_01
So then he did show up at the coffee shop.
0
SPEAKER_01
No, we can t put this right.
0
SPEAKER_01
No, we are.
0
SPEAKER_01
No, it was just funny because then we went to this coffee shop.
0
SPEAKER_01
This was just hilarious because we were talking about just these dynamics of straight men versus gay men and our interactions with them.
0
SPEAKER_01
When you re single, that s another thing.
0
SPEAKER_01
If you re in a relationship or if you re married, this goes out the window.
0
SPEAKER_01
Right.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s about the idea or threat that this might turn into something or that someone will think it could turn into something.
0
SPEAKER_01
So we were talking about all this.
0
SPEAKER_01
We went to this coffee shop right down the street and we were waiting for the matcha and
0
SPEAKER_01
He just showed up there.
0
SPEAKER_01
Did you tell him you were going there?
0
SPEAKER_00
No.
0
SPEAKER_01
He bugged the dressing room?
0
SPEAKER_01
No, he happened to go there.
0
SPEAKER_01
It was a coincidence.
0
SPEAKER_01
He even said, he said, I m not following you guys, which was funny.
0
SPEAKER_00
It was funny.
0
SPEAKER_00
But I feel so bad in my body right now.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s not him.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
0
SPEAKER_01
And if he listens, thank you for listening.
0
SPEAKER_01
By the way, it sounds like we re like, ew.
0
SPEAKER_01
And we have a podcast.
0
SPEAKER_01
That s not what happened.
0
SPEAKER_01
The other salesperson said, oh, I love your show.
0
SPEAKER_01
And then we started talking about that.
0
SPEAKER_01
He wanted to know about the show.
0
SPEAKER_00
Right.
0
SPEAKER_00
But we love you.
0
SPEAKER_00
We don t.
0
SPEAKER_00
OK, sorry.
0
SPEAKER_01
No, see, you re doing it.
0
SPEAKER_00
But I don t.
0
SPEAKER_00
OK, so what.
0
SPEAKER_00
So how do we manage?
0
SPEAKER_00
I know.
0
SPEAKER_00
How do I. You have to get over needing to be so like.
0
SPEAKER_00
I feel like I m hurting him right now.
0
SPEAKER_01
Then let s be really clear.
0
SPEAKER_01
This is not him.
0
SPEAKER_01
It was just an example of how we interact differently with different people, and their sexual orientation, unfortunately, it kind of makes— It plays a part.
0
SPEAKER_00
It does.
0
SPEAKER_01
I think this is common for single people.
0
SPEAKER_01
I don t think this is... Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh, my God.
0
SPEAKER_01
I had a dream.
0
SPEAKER_01
I just remember.
0
SPEAKER_01
Liz, I was so mad at you last night in my dream.
0
SPEAKER_00
No!
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, no.
0
SPEAKER_01
Don t worry.
0
SPEAKER_01
It hasn t translated to real life.
0
SPEAKER_01
What did I do?
0
SPEAKER_01
You, like, seduced Jimmy Kimmel.
0
SPEAKER_01
The best boy?
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I think it s because we ve been talking a lot about him because he s the best boy.
0
SPEAKER_01
Cool guy, sexy man.
0
SPEAKER_01
He s all three, exactly.
0
SPEAKER_01
He s the only one that s all three.
0
SPEAKER_01
But you met him... Okay, you know how dreams get complex?
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I was with you.
0
SPEAKER_01
We were at a taping of his show or something.
0
SPEAKER_01
And then you had like a look on your face, kind of like the voice thing that I know about you.
0
SPEAKER_01
You had a look on your face and I was like, what s going on?
0
SPEAKER_01
And then you re like, well, we hung out yesterday.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, Liz, oh my God, he s married and we like his wife.
0
SPEAKER_01
And even if we don t, it s not good.
0
SPEAKER_01
And he kind of kept looking like over at you too.
0
SPEAKER_01
So he fell in love with you.
0
SPEAKER_01
You kind of seduced him the day before.
0
SPEAKER_01
You d only hung out once, but then you were like, I m taking him.
0
SPEAKER_01
really you were then dead set on it and I was trying to trap you in a space so that you wouldn t, you had like balloons and stuff.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh nice, sweet.
0
SPEAKER_01
And you were gonna like, you were like gonna go to him and I was like, no.
0
SPEAKER_00
That s my move, yeah, I go with balloons.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it s sexy.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I just remember that, how weird.
0
SPEAKER_01
Maybe because I knew we were recording today and then a lot of Jimmy talk lately.
0
SPEAKER_00
Sometimes I will be telling a story and you ll be like, like you ll like assume this and I m like no, but I also understand why you would assume that.
0
SPEAKER_00
That you are being flirty, is that what?
0
SPEAKER_00
Sometimes I think I get myself into situations that are unexpected.
0
SPEAKER_00
So how are we gonna, have you forgiven me?
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, tonight.
1
SPEAKER_01
I ll see how it goes with our dream selves.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m not so sure where we re at.
1
SPEAKER_01
But in real life, we re great.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay, great.
1
SPEAKER_01
Thank God.
1
SPEAKER_01
We have last week s pin.
1
SPEAKER_01
I know.
1
SPEAKER_01
Thank you.
1
SPEAKER_01
I ve been thinking about that.
1
SPEAKER_01
But thank you for... Brunch pin is also on my mind.
1
SPEAKER_01
Did we fully cover... I still feel horrible.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m gonna have tummy aches for a week over this.
1
SPEAKER_01
Liz!
1
SPEAKER_01
It was fine.
1
SPEAKER_01
It wasn t him, but it was interesting that our demeanor changes, because I don t think he was flirting or anything.
1
SPEAKER_01
I think he was just being very, like, friendly.
1
SPEAKER_01
But when you date guys and you re available, everything becomes, oh, no, do they think I like them?
1
SPEAKER_01
And half of the time, it s not even happening, I don t think.
1
SPEAKER_01
Like, no one s thinking that, but it can always be on your mind.
1
SPEAKER_00
It can always happen.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so many friendships, you know, there s that whole meme of like the guy that s about to ruin the friendship and it s like, he ll just be like, I can just talk to you.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like when they start saying the things that you know is like, uh oh, it s a sign that they re going to like start revealing their love to you.
1
SPEAKER_00
And again, I think you should tell people when you like them.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m pro interacting with people.
1
SPEAKER_00
And the thing that I try and remember, because even sometimes, okay, this is.
1
SPEAKER_00
Dating apps.
1
SPEAKER_00
I feel guilty in one way.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yesterday, like, this person just wrote this, like, really thoughtful, like, what they like, you know, about my... Seems like you re really blah, blah, blah, and, like, would really love to... And then I just was looking at the person, I was like, can I get myself to... And I was like, no, I can t.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then I felt this wave of guilt wash over me.
1
SPEAKER_00
But then I remembered, I told myself, men are used to being rejected way more than women are.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s kind of part of the whole game, right?
1
SPEAKER_00
And Rob, tell me if I m wrong.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I m not saying it s easy, but it s part of the sort of seduction thing is that
1
SPEAKER_00
Men are hitting on way more women in that process know that they ll get rejected.
1
SPEAKER_00
And actually, I think that makes them more equipped for... Yeah, and confident.
1
SPEAKER_00
To sort of, again, engage in public or engage with people that they don t know.
1
SPEAKER_00
Whereas I m very sensitive, I think, to rejection and, you know, make a whole story about it.
1
SPEAKER_00
So it helped me think about the fact that these men, they don t feel it in the same way that I would feel it.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, also you just shouldn t feel guilt about not being interested.
1
SPEAKER_01
You can t control that.
1
SPEAKER_01
There s nothing to feel guilty about.
1
SPEAKER_01
Guilt comes when you ve done something actionably wrong.
1
SPEAKER_01
Right.
1
SPEAKER_01
You can t help it.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s a good point.
1
SPEAKER_01
The brunch pin.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
The brunch pin is from last week.
1
SPEAKER_01
Big cliffhanger.
1
SPEAKER_01
Huge.
1
SPEAKER_01
We went to brunch and we got on this conversation that I think is important.
1
SPEAKER_01
You are with some non-single friends.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
And we re always with non-single friends.
1
SPEAKER_01
You made the astute point that when you re with non-singles, the first thing they ask often is about your dating life.
1
SPEAKER_01
And they re almost, like, drooling.
1
SPEAKER_01
They re, like, chomping at the bit.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s entertainment.
1
SPEAKER_01
Entertain me.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s like, so what s going on, you know?
1
SPEAKER_00
They want it to be good.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, I m not saying they want, like, a catastrophe or, like, a car crash.
1
SPEAKER_00
But they want, like, details?
1
SPEAKER_00
Also, could we be generous that they re sort of living vicariously?
1
SPEAKER_00
I think so, 100%.
1
SPEAKER_00
But the thing is, there s a superiority, because it s a mix of entertainment and pity.
1
SPEAKER_00
There s a little pity, because then most of the time, if you re still single, the stories aren t going to be great, right?
1
SPEAKER_00
It s like, if you re in a relationship, then that s it.
1
SPEAKER_00
But if you re talking about, and again, some dates are great, but most of them, there s a reason why it didn t work out.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so usually what ends up happening is that they, like, what s going on?
1
SPEAKER_00
And they re frothing at the mouth, and then all they get is really horrible.
1
SPEAKER_00
Just a bad story that you have to tell.
1
SPEAKER_00
In dating stories, even the bad ones, like it would be almost better if they were dramatic and interesting, but like it s usually like, yeah, and then I never heard from him ever again.
1
SPEAKER_00
Or then he just kind of like wasn t putting in a lot of effort and it s usually just a down... Exactly.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s...
1
SPEAKER_00
Like it s not, so then they re not satisfied because that s not what they wanted.
1
SPEAKER_00
They wanted something that s like fun and juicy.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then both of you feel bad.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s how I feel like that question usually goes.
1
SPEAKER_00
Now I feel bad and now you feel bad because I feel bad.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then you end up giving me like a weird pep talk about how I m going to find the one, which then the superiority comes in.
1
SPEAKER_01
Exactly.
1
SPEAKER_01
It always leads to the person who is in a relationship imparting some advice.
1
SPEAKER_01
Which is tough.
1
SPEAKER_01
Because they started it.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s the thing.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s like, I didn t ask for advice.
1
SPEAKER_00
And even one day, like, you know, you ll be happy and you re like, I was happy before you asked me this question.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m actually fine.
1
SPEAKER_00
And now because I m primed to think about all the things that aren t working out in this part of my life.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I think
1
SPEAKER_00
The flip side would be so inappropriate, right?
1
SPEAKER_00
For me to be like, tell me about what s going on with John s lack of erections.
1
SPEAKER_00
Your sex play.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yes!
1
SPEAKER_00
Married sex play.
1
SPEAKER_01
Totally invasive.
1
SPEAKER_00
It would feel very invasive.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so it s almost like we re on display because we re single.
1
SPEAKER_01
I mean, this isn t all my friends.
1
SPEAKER_01
Also, they mean well.
1
SPEAKER_01
They do.
1
SPEAKER_01
They re just checking in on our lives, but it s true that the reverse doesn t necessarily—I mean, sometimes it does.
1
SPEAKER_01
I have friendships where we talk about their marriages, and in that case, I don t mind as much because it feels more equal.
1
SPEAKER_00
And also, I think you re coming in not from a place of wanting details, but from a place of hearing about how she s feeling.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s not for, like, the gossip of their inner conflicts, right?
1
SPEAKER_01
In any other area of life, if a friend is looking for a job, you wouldn t immediately, like first thing you sit down, so how s the job hunt?
1
SPEAKER_01
Or by the way, if you are doing that, you shouldn t do that because you wouldn t know if they had a job.
1
SPEAKER_01
So the job hunt s not going well.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, you already have the answer.
1
SPEAKER_00
And also, if I am dating someone that I m excited—if things are going well, you will know about it.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, you don t have to prompt me.
1
SPEAKER_00
It will come up in conversation.
1
SPEAKER_00
The thing that, again, I noticed as we were talking through it was like, Monica never asks me that question.
1
SPEAKER_00
We will be out together for hours and dating will just not be— Again, it can totally come up.
1
SPEAKER_00
It comes up.
1
SPEAKER_00
We ll be like, oh, what happened with that guy?
1
SPEAKER_00
It ll come up tangentially sort of from other conversations.
1
SPEAKER_00
But there are so many other things that you re going to ask me about my life.
1
SPEAKER_00
It is not the entree.
1
SPEAKER_00
No, it s like the sprinkles, like, oh yeah, you treat it like it s not the most important thing that s happening in my life.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I think that tone and intention, it s not.
1
SPEAKER_00
I love it.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I appreciate it so much.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I love how little we end up talking about it in the way that I don t like.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, I think we do end up talking about relationships and dating and all kinds of stuff, but I don t ever feel that heaviness to it.
1
SPEAKER_00
Or again, that sort of subtext.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I mean, it could be just because we re in the same position, but I wonder if we end up in relationships if we ll do that.
1
SPEAKER_01
I think people get amnesia.
1
SPEAKER_01
They were just single and feeling the exact same way, and then as soon as they re in a relationship… You forget.
1
SPEAKER_01
Forget.
1
SPEAKER_00
I remember being in a relationship, particularly one of them, where for some reason I thought we had such a great relationship.
1
SPEAKER_00
And like, it was great, but also not perfect in any sense.
1
SPEAKER_00
And it s over.
1
SPEAKER_00
There were definitely issues.
1
SPEAKER_00
Where I had almost a sense of superiority over even some of my friends that were in relationships where I felt they weren t being treated as good as I was.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m sure that happens.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_00
And now that I look back, I m like, oh my God, that must have been so, again, I m sure people felt it in the tone or whatever.
1
SPEAKER_00
Because society also rewards you for being in a relationship.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, you ve won, especially, I think, for women.
1
SPEAKER_01
Even though this is wrong, the headline is, you ve been picked.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_01
And that s why it s not the same for men, because they re the ones doing the picking.
1
SPEAKER_01
But it s all fucked up and not true and wrong, but there s still this thread hovering a little bit.
1
SPEAKER_01
Totally.
1
SPEAKER_01
Inescapable.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then I was like, well, so what are the, like, rules?
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, what are— For people?
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, not rules, obviously, but the recommendation, I guess.
1
SPEAKER_00
Maybe talk about other stuff.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_00
It ll come up.
1
SPEAKER_00
It ll come up.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, what s bringing you joy?
1
SPEAKER_00
And then, like, if they re not bringing up anything related to dating, that s because it s not.
1
SPEAKER_01
So you might not want to ask.
1
SPEAKER_00
Maybe the question is, so what s been going on?
1
SPEAKER_00
I think I m no longer telling my friends about first dates.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s your new rule?
1
SPEAKER_00
It s Omerda.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, no one knows.
1
SPEAKER_00
Because that s what kind of leads to this, like, so what happened to— And you re like, who?
1
SPEAKER_00
Sometimes you don t even really remember and you re like, oh, right.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then I have to remember this person and remember what happened.
1
SPEAKER_00
It ends up bringing those things top of mind when they re not.
1
SPEAKER_00
So yeah, I ve been thinking about the first date no talking rule.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay, I love that.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t know, that s one strategy.
1
SPEAKER_00
I get it.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s also not on us.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yes, I was just about to say that.
1
SPEAKER_01
We can t control what they re gonna do.
1
SPEAKER_01
They might just ask, so then maybe some safeguards on the other side of not talking about every little thing that happens.
1
SPEAKER_01
But that s so fun.
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SPEAKER_01
Okay, I m going to pivot because I am currently on a hunt for a martini shaker.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh.
2
SPEAKER_01
Because I made two martinis this weekend.
2
SPEAKER_01
You did?
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_01
Obviously, this started.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, I love martinis, but I never felt like I needed to make them necessarily, although I have some beautiful martini glasses, so that s always fun.
2
SPEAKER_01
Here s a present hack for people, gift
2
SPEAKER_01
Let s say we re on vacation together or something and we go to a fun bar that we love and it s like fancy and cute for your birthday.
2
SPEAKER_01
This isn t relevant to you because you don t drink anymore.
2
SPEAKER_01
But if you did, or maybe I would still do this because you could drink Sprite out of it.
2
SPEAKER_01
Then if that bar sells glasses, then buy that.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like, I have two martini glasses from Bemelman s Bar in New York, which is my favorite bar in the world.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then I have two from the Connaught in London that also had a beautiful bar that I stayed there for a week.
2
SPEAKER_01
And it s a memory, too.
2
SPEAKER_01
You re so good at gifts.
2
SPEAKER_01
I love giving gifts.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s such a great idea because what you re so good at is you give very personalized gifts.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s important thoughtfulness.
2
SPEAKER_00
How do you do it?
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, I just like it.
2
SPEAKER_01
Rob s like that too.
2
SPEAKER_01
He s very, very good at giving gifts.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I mean, it s ultimately selfish.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s just, I like the feeling of putting that puzzle together.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s a puzzle.
2
SPEAKER_01
Right.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s an art.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s an art.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s a puzzle.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s a science.
2
SPEAKER_01
Girl math.
2
SPEAKER_01
So, yes.
2
SPEAKER_01
Anyway, all to say, I have some nice Martini glasses, and then I was on YouTube Friday night looking for a recipe, and a video of Emma Watson popped up.
2
SPEAKER_01
It was a Vogue.
2
SPEAKER_00
I think I saw this video of her and her brother.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yes!
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh my god, yes!
2
SPEAKER_01
She has a new alcohol company.
2
SPEAKER_01
And so she was on British Vogue making some drinks with her new gin.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then her brother was making one with her.
2
SPEAKER_01
But anyway, the first one she made was an espresso martini, and I was like, I m going to make that today.
2
SPEAKER_01
But I was overwhelmed because I don t know how to make espresso.
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
2
SPEAKER_01
But then I remembered I have an espresso machine, so I made it.
2
SPEAKER_01
I Instacarted a chocolate liqueur.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, wow.
2
SPEAKER_01
All nine yards.
2
SPEAKER_01
I know, I know.
2
SPEAKER_01
So I made it.
2
SPEAKER_01
It was delicious.
2
SPEAKER_01
It was so good.
2
SPEAKER_01
The problem is I only have the stir apparatus.
2
SPEAKER_01
Some martinis are meant to be shaken and some are meant to be stirred.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_01
And so I have from Bemelman s, I have the stirring situation covered, but I don t have a shaker.
2
SPEAKER_01
And the espresso martini needs a shaker.
2
SPEAKER_01
So it tasted so good, but I can only give it a seven because it didn t have the
2
SPEAKER_01
consistency it was supposed to have.
2
SPEAKER_01
So now I m on the hunt.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, and then on Sunday, I made a regular martini, my martini gin.
2
SPEAKER_01
I used to get it without vermouth, but I m putting that back in.
2
SPEAKER_01
And lemon twist.
2
SPEAKER_01
There is such a sexiness to it.
2
SPEAKER_01
You peel the lemon and you have to do it over the glass because the aromas come off into the
2
SPEAKER_01
And then you take a little strip and you wrap it around the long stir and it gets curly.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, it s fun.
2
SPEAKER_01
Anyway, so I need a shaker.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yesterday, I went out with Jess.
2
SPEAKER_01
We just went out on the town.
2
SPEAKER_01
We went to multiple stores.
2
SPEAKER_01
Everyone was out of shakers.
2
SPEAKER_01
Wait.
2
SPEAKER_01
What are you talking about?
2
SPEAKER_01
How weird is that?
2
SPEAKER_01
I know.
2
SPEAKER_01
Why?
2
SPEAKER_01
What s going on?
2
SPEAKER_00
What s shaking up?
2
SPEAKER_00
Emma Watson.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, her video came out.
2
SPEAKER_00
Everyone bought shakers.
2
SPEAKER_00
Do you think— I mean, Taylor Swift made $93 million for the NFL by just going.
2
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, Jess said, based on his restaurant, he thinks people are drinking a lot right now.
2
SPEAKER_01
A lot more.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, that s such a cool focus group.
2
SPEAKER_00
Interesting.
2
SPEAKER_00
So people are drinking more in January?
2
SPEAKER_00
That s kind of surprising.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like, normally not, but he s just saying right now this year.
2
SPEAKER_01
For some reason, he noticed, and his manager noticed, people are drinking a lot.
2
SPEAKER_01
They re ordering a lot of drinks.
2
SPEAKER_01
Isn t that interesting?
2
SPEAKER_00
Interesting.
2
SPEAKER_00
No more shakers.
2
SPEAKER_00
People are drinking a lot.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, his explanation was that everyone s drinking, so they bought all the shakers to, like, make their— I mean, duh.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s obvious?
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, it s—
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, look, obviously this is a very small sample, but it is anecdotal information that s pretty interesting put together.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s super interesting, because there s a whole Dry January thing, but usually there s more people bragging about it on my feed, and I m not seeing it as much.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s true.
2
SPEAKER_01
I had one friend who was doing Dry January, and she did it for like a week.
2
SPEAKER_00
I feel, I mean, we ve talked about this, but last year was like such a bummer.
2
SPEAKER_00
And, you know, it s going to be an election year.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s going to be a lot more drama.
2
SPEAKER_00
I think people are just in their YOLO.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like, they just don t care.
2
SPEAKER_00
There s kind of a YOLO-ness in the air.
2
SPEAKER_00
You feel that?
2
SPEAKER_00
A little bit.
2
SPEAKER_00
I feel it in myself where I m like, whatever, a little.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s nice.
2
SPEAKER_01
You don t feel it?
2
SPEAKER_01
No, not yet.
2
SPEAKER_01
I think I will.
2
SPEAKER_01
This beginning of the year has been very stressful for me.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then someone did this hilarious meme.
2
SPEAKER_01
Is it a meme if it s just letters?
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, words?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I think it counts.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay, it counts.
2
SPEAKER_01
They posted something that said, I reposted it.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh.
2
SPEAKER_01
One thing about January is that she s gonna make sure you feel all 31 days of her.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, I saw that.
2
SPEAKER_01
That is how I feel.
2
SPEAKER_01
I just like, thank God we re almost out of this month.
2
SPEAKER_01
I am ready for a turnover.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, interesting.
2
SPEAKER_01
What are you ready for?
2
SPEAKER_01
What are you inviting in?
2
SPEAKER_01
Just not so much heaviness.
2
SPEAKER_01
Some levity, some light, just a little bit more ease.
2
SPEAKER_01
Mm-hmm.
2
SPEAKER_01
Coziness.
2
SPEAKER_01
to be cozy, necessarily.
2
SPEAKER_01
It can be sprightly, but it just can t be so heavy.
2
SPEAKER_01
Right.
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, you ve been dealing with a lot of drama.
2
SPEAKER_00
I know.
2
SPEAKER_00
There s been drama.
2
SPEAKER_00
There s been a lot of drama around you that s been trying to, like, bring you in.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s hard.
2
SPEAKER_00
And you ve been doing, I think, a really good job of resisting.
2
SPEAKER_00
Thank you.
2
SPEAKER_00
Getting wrapped up into it.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
But when this airs, it will be February.
2
SPEAKER_01
Happy February.
2
SPEAKER_00
Happy February.
2
SPEAKER_00
Congratulations to all of us.
2
SPEAKER_00
We made it.
2
SPEAKER_00
We made it through.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_01
And hopefully by now, I will have had a martini shaker.
2
SPEAKER_01
So I might go on a little mission today.
2
SPEAKER_01
Try to get one.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Go on a martini.
2
SPEAKER_01
Martini mission.
2
SPEAKER_01
Mission.
2
SPEAKER_01
This is a social video.
2
SPEAKER_01
I feel so bad.
2
SPEAKER_01
This is what we do on Flightless Bird 2.
2
SPEAKER_01
Every time we do an episode, we say, oh, for social, we ll do this.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then we don t never do it.
2
SPEAKER_01
You know, sometimes you shoot for the stars and you land in the trees.
2
SPEAKER_01
OK.
2
SPEAKER_00
And that s the stars.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I think that s— Yeah, the trees is a new spin on it.
2
SPEAKER_00
You didn t even make it to space.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s better than landing on the ground.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s a good way to put it.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s not what you wanted, but it s something.
2
SPEAKER_01
Sometimes something is enough.
2
SPEAKER_01
All right.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, should I tell this bad story about a restaurant?
2
SPEAKER_01
How bad is it?
2
SPEAKER_01
I went to a restaurant and I went with Elizabeth and Andy from Nobody s Listening Right, my favorite podcast.
2
SPEAKER_01
And when I got there, I asked the server, I said, can I also put in a to-go order?
2
SPEAKER_01
And she said, sure, of course.
2
SPEAKER_01
Just let me know whenever you want to put that in and we ll get that going.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, great.
2
SPEAKER_01
So, you know, we order our food.
2
SPEAKER_01
We re in the middle of it.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s like an hour in.
2
SPEAKER_01
She comes back by and I say, I m ready to put in the to-go order.
2
SPEAKER_01
I give her the order.
2
SPEAKER_01
She s asking about the sides.
2
SPEAKER_01
You know, we get it all done.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then she comes back some minutes later and says, I m really sorry, but the kitchen is too slammed and can t accommodate it.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I was sort of like, oh, okay, no problem.
3
SPEAKER_01
just sort of caught me off guard, so I said, no problem.
3
SPEAKER_01
But then, then I...
3
SPEAKER_01
Is that a problem?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
3
SPEAKER_01
Then I did have a problem because it doesn t, you can t do that.
3
SPEAKER_01
First to me, you can t say yes and then say no.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like at that point, you have to tell the kitchen, sorry, I already said yes.
3
SPEAKER_01
Or before you say yes, you say like, let me just double check, it s kind of a busy night.
3
SPEAKER_01
But once you say yes.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s on you.
3
SPEAKER_01
It is.
3
SPEAKER_01
Or we re out of this item, but we can do these other ones.
3
SPEAKER_01
Lie, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
You lie, do whatever.
3
SPEAKER_01
At SoulCycle, they would say, find a yes.
3
SPEAKER_02
Oh.
3
SPEAKER_01
Even if we were out of water, you had to find a yes somewhere.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, okay, we re out of this, but we have this if you want this, or we ll give you free something.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, you have to for customer service.
3
SPEAKER_01
Right.
3
SPEAKER_01
Also, because we could have just ordered the food.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, were you at the table still?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
You should have just been like, never mind, I ll take it now.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s what I was thinking.
3
SPEAKER_00
Ask for a to-go box.
3
SPEAKER_01
Exactly.
3
SPEAKER_01
But by then we were already so far into the meal that I think they could have said like, you have to give your seat up.
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, okay.
3
SPEAKER_01
So then we also got kicked out.
3
SPEAKER_01
You got kicked out.
3
SPEAKER_00
I ve heard about this happening there.
3
SPEAKER_01
There s technically a time limit on the table.
3
SPEAKER_01
And depending on how busy it is, they don t often care.
3
SPEAKER_01
But in this case, and we were there for two and a half hours.
3
SPEAKER_01
So then a different manager came up and said, hey guys, and this was very nice.
3
SPEAKER_01
He was trying to find a yes.
3
SPEAKER_01
He said, we d love to move you over to the bar.
3
SPEAKER_01
We ll buy you a round of drinks, but we need this table.
3
SPEAKER_01
But we were still drinking our drinks.
3
SPEAKER_01
I just said, we re heading out, don t worry.
3
SPEAKER_01
I understand, but also after what already had happened, you kind of like, you just have to be aware.
3
SPEAKER_01
So that was rough.
3
SPEAKER_01
Especially because, yes, you can t say yes and then no because I would have just ordered all the food and then taken it to go.
3
SPEAKER_02
I just never heard of, like, wouldn t they want to make more money by giving you more stuff?
3
SPEAKER_01
Exactly.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m sure they were just really slammed, but it s not like an order calling in.
3
SPEAKER_01
We re there.
3
SPEAKER_01
Right.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s weird.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s a little weird.
3
SPEAKER_02
There s something going on.
3
SPEAKER_00
They have so many policies there.
3
SPEAKER_00
I know.
3
SPEAKER_00
I ve gone in the afternoon with Calvin and they ve made me take my hat off.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m like, what is this?
3
SPEAKER_02
Oh, I don t like that at all.
3
SPEAKER_02
I hate dress codes.
3
SPEAKER_02
Even if I go in and I do what they want me to do, I feel bad the whole time.
3
SPEAKER_02
It s just such an exclusion tactic.
3
SPEAKER_00
It is.
3
SPEAKER_00
It had a nice shirt on.
3
SPEAKER_00
It wasn t like showing up in a t-shirt.
3
SPEAKER_01
And you can t wear certain types of footwear.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God, I have no idea what I want.
3
SPEAKER_01
Mainly for men.
3
SPEAKER_01
They don t do much for women.
3
SPEAKER_02
There s also something about like as an adult being told what to wear.
3
SPEAKER_02
Like it feels very like you re 14 and you re at school and like the headmaster s like, yeah, to me it like brings me back to like a weird place.
3
SPEAKER_01
It definitely feels exclusionary for reasons that are shady.
3
SPEAKER_01
All right.
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, on that note, let s answer some questions.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, this one s heavy.
3
SPEAKER_01
Is it okay to leave someone who might have cancer?
3
SPEAKER_01
Anonymous.
3
SPEAKER_01
Hi, Monica and Liz.
3
SPEAKER_01
Last year, I asked for a divorce from my husband of eight years.
3
SPEAKER_01
We tried couples counseling for a bit, but I realized I could not get over all the emotional abuse, gaslighting, and cheating that went on for years.
3
SPEAKER_01
We recently have started getting paperwork and things ready for the split.
3
SPEAKER_01
We have children, so it s a process.
3
SPEAKER_01
However, recently he s been having some health issues, and doctors are a bit worried about the possibility of cancer or something serious going on.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m very conflicted on if it is something serious, would I be a bad person to continue with the plan to leave?
3
SPEAKER_01
I find just hearing you two talk through things can be very helpful to look at things from different angles.
3
SPEAKER_01
Thank you. 
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, man.
3
SPEAKER_01
This is hard.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I would struggle with this.
3
SPEAKER_01
I think you can go ahead and leave.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_02
I was expecting like because of the sickness, which I think is more complicated and nuanced, but this is not, unfortunately.
3
SPEAKER_02
And you can be there for this person.
3
SPEAKER_02
I mean, staying with them does not help them and will not help them recover.
3
SPEAKER_02
I think that you can still support them and especially if you re co-parenting and you re still involved in each other s lives.
3
SPEAKER_02
But I think you re not doing anyone any favors by pretending you want to be in a relationship.
3
SPEAKER_01
And just suffering.
3
SPEAKER_01
I mean, also because you ve already put in your due diligence.
3
SPEAKER_01
You ve tried.
3
SPEAKER_01
You ve been hurt.
3
SPEAKER_01
You know that you can t come back from it.
3
SPEAKER_01
And that s it.
3
SPEAKER_01
You have to put yourself first.
3
SPEAKER_01
I mean, this is like the most heightened situation for codependency.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s like begging for any codependent.
3
SPEAKER_01
Because of course you feel like, oh no, how could I quote, abandon someone when they have a serious illness?
3
SPEAKER_01
But you re not.
3
SPEAKER_01
And you have to protect yourself.
3
SPEAKER_01
And your kids.
3
SPEAKER_01
You have to also protect your kids.
3
SPEAKER_01
Because when your parents are miserable, the kids are miserable.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_02
I don t love to give… I don t have kids, so I don t… Anyway, whatever.
3
SPEAKER_01
But you were a kid once.
3
SPEAKER_02
I was.
3
SPEAKER_02
I was for a long time.
3
SPEAKER_02
18 years.
3
SPEAKER_02
But I think
3
SPEAKER_02
And sometimes I think we want to do things for kids because we think it ll help them.
3
SPEAKER_02
And again, I think there s a lot of people who will sort of keep the semblance of a family, even though there s a separation or a divorce for the kids.
3
SPEAKER_02
But I think it ends up just confusing them more.
3
SPEAKER_02
And sometimes just being clear cut and being honest and not wavering, right?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_02
Of, well, now daddy s sick, so we re going to be together.
3
SPEAKER_02
hate each other.
3
SPEAKER_02
Like, I think that only makes it more complicated for children, even though maybe the initial experience of being separated while they re going through an illness will be difficult.
3
SPEAKER_02
I think overall, in the long term, it will be for the best.
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, yeah, I think if you do have kids, a good thing to think about is what would you want for them?
3
SPEAKER_01
If your kid was in your situation and had been emotionally abused and cheated on and they re sad, like you don t want that for your kid.
3
SPEAKER_01
So you shouldn t want that for you.
3
SPEAKER_01
Synced is sponsored by BetterHelp.
3
SPEAKER_01
We love BetterHelp.
3
SPEAKER_01
We love therapy.
3
SPEAKER_01
We do.
3
SPEAKER_01
Relationships are hard.
3
SPEAKER_01
When we re struggling in a relationship of any kind, we can be really hard on ourselves.
3
SPEAKER_01
But the truth is, they are hard.
3
SPEAKER_00
Totally.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s just the nature of them.
3
SPEAKER_01
And therapy is so life-saving to talk through relationship issues.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, and it makes our relationships last.
3
SPEAKER_02
I feel like there s so many times where I could have like ended something or cut something short and my therapist was actually like, no, this is the moment you dig in.
3
SPEAKER_01
And we love it because it s entirely online.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s convenient.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s flexible.
3
SPEAKER_01
There s no excuses about it being.
3
SPEAKER_01
Because you just fill out a brief questionnaire and get matched with a licensed therapist.
3
SPEAKER_01
You can switch therapists, which is great.
3
SPEAKER_02
Very important.
3
SPEAKER_01
Very important.
3
SPEAKER_01
Find the right one that works for you.
3
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3
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Visit betterhelp.com slash synced today to get 10% off your first month.
3
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That s betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash synced.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, that was much easier than we thought.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
Listen to yourself.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_01
Solo traveling as a very independent wife.
3
SPEAKER_01
This is from Lane.
3
SPEAKER_01
Hi, Monica and Liz.
3
SPEAKER_01
Big armchair and sink squad member here.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m a super independent married woman.
3
SPEAKER_01
I ve always been the person that won t wait around for others to decide that they want to join me on an adventure.
3
SPEAKER_01
I ll just go do it on my own.
3
SPEAKER_01
My husband and I normally do one big trip together each year around our anniversary.
3
SPEAKER_01
My husband is more worried about budgeting and money than I am.
3
SPEAKER_01
He plans and researches while I just do whatever and figure it out as I go.
3
SPEAKER_01
This means I ve gotten to go on a lot of amazing solo trips and then my husband doesn t feel like we have enough money to do a big trip together.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m almost 31 and I feel like I m getting close to trying to have kids.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m feeling the pressure to use my limited time off to do adventures I won t be able to do as easily if I become a mother.
3
SPEAKER_01
I have it in my head that this year I really want to go to Scotland and walk the West Highland Way, but my husband doesn t have any interest in doing that.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s also our 10 year anniversary and we want to do a bigger celebration trip together.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m worried that if I do my usual, do what I want and go to Scotland, I will jeopardize our anniversary trip and I will feel guilty and my husband will resent my decision.
3
SPEAKER_01
What should I do?
3
SPEAKER_01
How do I balance keeping my independence and also being responsible and a good partner? 
3
SPEAKER_01
This is tricky actually, because we re so independent and I do love solo trips and I also agree that one life and if you don t think you ll be able to do this Scotland trip for a long time because of children, I m kind of like, you need to do that.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I understand being in a partnership and feeling like
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, can t you sacrifice that for something that we do together?
3
SPEAKER_01
What does he want to do?
3
SPEAKER_01
I guess I want also more information, like… He wants to do a bigger celebration trip, but we don t know what it is.
3
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I think the thought is, if she does the Scotland trip, there won t be enough money.
3
SPEAKER_01
Right.
3
SPEAKER_01
But also, I guess the question is, is that true?
3
SPEAKER_01
Right.
3
SPEAKER_01
Exactly.
3
SPEAKER_01
He s more frugal, which is great, but what s the truth about the finances?
3
SPEAKER_01
Maybe she could like make a budget and say, I think we have the funds to do this big trip together and for me to do this important thing for me.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like maybe budget it all out and then present it to him and say, like, I don t think we have to do one or the other.
3
SPEAKER_01
I think both can happen.
3
SPEAKER_02
Right.
3
SPEAKER_02
It seems like there s an issue.
3
SPEAKER_02
It s funny, like I feel like my parents have like this exact problem and they re like over 70.
3
SPEAKER_02
And so it just can become something that s just difficult.
3
SPEAKER_02
And my dad almost went out and
4
SPEAKER_01
this two-week trip on his own in Hungary and I was like, what are you doing?
4
SPEAKER_01
Like part of me was just, okay, sure, go do it.
4
SPEAKER_01
But I could tell there was like a sadness to it and he didn t end up doing it, which I thought was probably for the best.
4
SPEAKER_01
But anyway, that s kind of a separate story.
4
SPEAKER_01
But yeah, I think it s common with couples, right?
4
SPEAKER_01
That you re just approaching travel and money, I mean money, right?
4
SPEAKER_01
Like just differently.
4
SPEAKER_01
So I would want you to like plan something even better together or try and find a way to sort of do both and do it on a budget that feels good for you because, yeah, you should be able to do things you want to do, right?
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, especially before you have kids.
4
SPEAKER_00
I agree.
4
SPEAKER_00
You re young, so if there s something that s gonna be like a lot more expensive that you both want to do together and you feel okay sacrificing the Scotland trip for it, then maybe do that.
4
SPEAKER_00
But I would just sit down and like make a budget, make a list of different options, and then you might have more clarity on it.
4
SPEAKER_01
I think there s a difference, too, between becoming a dad and becoming a mom that she can maybe even bring up.
4
SPEAKER_01
Because I understand feeling left out and if she s going on this adventure and it s their 10-year anniversary.
4
SPEAKER_01
So, yeah, I do think she should be thoughtful about making that anniversary special and celebrating it together.
4
SPEAKER_01
But I also think women having kids and men having kids is just like a total— It s different.
4
SPEAKER_01
You become a different person.
4
SPEAKER_01
You know, you lose a lot of things, you ll gain so many things.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_01
But maybe that s also something that could be helpful for her to sort of discuss with him.
4
SPEAKER_01
this is so important, that it s not just like, I m independent, and obviously she is independent and all that stuff, but like becoming a mom in 2024 or in these days, there is a loss of freedom.
4
SPEAKER_01
There is.
4
SPEAKER_01
And you won t be able to do things the same way that you used to for a while.
4
SPEAKER_01
You ll be able to eventually, but for a while it won t be.
4
SPEAKER_00
And it will never be this version anymore.
4
SPEAKER_00
Once you have a kid, they are your priority for life.
4
SPEAKER_00
Not to say like you ll never do a vacation.
4
SPEAKER_00
Of course you will.
4
SPEAKER_00
But your brain changes, right?
4
SPEAKER_00
And your priorities change and your life changes.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so I think you should do what you want to do before that happens.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
Let s see.
4
SPEAKER_00
I think we have time for one more.
4
SPEAKER_00
I want to end the relationship with my sister-in-law now that her and my brother are getting divorced. 
4
SPEAKER_00
That s from Ashley.
4
SPEAKER_00
Hey, Monica and Liz, I need some advice on how to manage a delicate situation.
4
SPEAKER_00
My younger brother and his wife are in the middle of getting divorced.
4
SPEAKER_00
They ve been married for two and a half years, but have been together since they were 16, now 33.
4
SPEAKER_00
In all honesty, she s not a person I would ever gravitate towards in real life.
4
SPEAKER_00
She s judgmental, aggressive, and her anger almost always gets the best of her.
4
SPEAKER_00
In my family, anger has always been a big issue, and I ve worked hard to keep mine in check and surround myself by people who keep a level head.
4
SPEAKER_00
Anyway, her and my brother have had a volatile relationship since the beginning, and they have two sons who have always suffered the consequences of this.
4
SPEAKER_00
During arguments, they would jump to harsh words and intense emotions, whether the argument was small or big.
4
SPEAKER_00
She always seemed to bring out the worst in my brother, and for that reason, I distanced myself from him while they were dating married.
4
SPEAKER_00
Anyway, my brother has finally stood up to say enough is enough and they re getting a divorce.
4
SPEAKER_00
Currently they are working together to keep things civil, but there have always been a few situations that foreshadow a difficult divorce proceeding is coming.
4
SPEAKER_00
She wants to continue to hang out with me because she sees me as a friend and wants to have a relationship with my two children.
4
SPEAKER_00
But I would prefer to cut ties in order to pursue a better relationship with my brother.
4
SPEAKER_00
I used to be so close with him when we were kids, and I want to get back to that place.
4
SPEAKER_00
He has been so much happier since asking for the divorce, and we ve been hanging out a lot more.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t want to risk messing that up.
4
SPEAKER_00
How do I broach this with his soon-to-be ex-wife without her being spiteful and using my nephew s leverage to get me to hang out?
4
SPEAKER_00
She s done that before, even when they were married.
4
SPEAKER_00
Help. 
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh, God.
4
SPEAKER_00
Sounds fun.
4
SPEAKER_00
I mean, for me, this is a no-brainer.
4
SPEAKER_00
And it s also, here we go again, boundaries.
4
SPEAKER_00
Here they are.
4
SPEAKER_00
You can just be straightforward.
4
SPEAKER_01
You can be straightforward, but also you don t owe her an explanation and a whole thing, too.
4
SPEAKER_01
I think it s a pretty simple one text, because sometimes I feel like we end up overexplaining, and it ends up kind of justifying their spitefulness or their anger or like, you ve done this horrible thing.
4
SPEAKER_01
To me, it s a simple, when she asks you to hang out, say, I really don t have the bandwidth right now, but I ll reach out when I do.
4
SPEAKER_01
Wishing you the best.
4
SPEAKER_01
Making it clear in your communication that you re not asking questions, you re not engaging, you re not really interested in that relationship.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, that s so true.
4
SPEAKER_00
This goes back to what my therapist said once about boundaries when I d ask, like, do I need to have a conversation?
4
SPEAKER_00
Do I need to tell them basically that I m putting up boundaries?
4
SPEAKER_00
And she was like, no, you just put up the boundary.
4
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
4
SPEAKER_00
So yeah, this does feel like that.
4
SPEAKER_00
And you re so
4
SPEAKER_00
Like, prioritizing your brother is exactly what you should do.
4
SPEAKER_00
And honestly, it s an out.
4
SPEAKER_00
This person has some toxicity.
4
SPEAKER_00
You felt it this whole time.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s created a faction between you and your brother.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so, great.
4
SPEAKER_00
Time to start over with him.
4
SPEAKER_00
How fun.
4
SPEAKER_00
And she doesn t need to be a part of it.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I can t get into it, but I had a similar situation and I just would be cordial but distant.
4
SPEAKER_01
In text messages or interactions, non-communication is communication.
4
SPEAKER_01
Sometimes the loudest.
4
SPEAKER_01
Exactly.
4
SPEAKER_01
And just preserving that distance because she s going to want to pretend like you guys are still close and that you re going to stay close and you need to signal that s not the case.
4
SPEAKER_00
You have every right.
4
SPEAKER_00
It sounds like she s a difficult person, so if she comes back and if she s directly attacking you or questioning you, I think you could say at that point, I m sorry you feel that way.
4
SPEAKER_00
I need to prioritize my relationship with my brother.
4
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s it.
4
SPEAKER_00
The shorter, the better.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then if they keep coming back, just ignore it.
4
SPEAKER_00
I mean, that s the, like, it s sad because the children, but your brother will have time with the children and you ll see the children then.
4
SPEAKER_01
No, it doesn t even matter.
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t, they, you know, they still have their parents.
4
SPEAKER_01
They still have you as their aunt.
4
SPEAKER_01
The kids don t need the aunt to be friends with them.
4
SPEAKER_00
No, I think the thought is, would then she be removed from seeing the kid?
4
SPEAKER_00
Like she probably, these are her nephews.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so the thought is, will I not be able to see them anymore?
4
SPEAKER_00
But you will via your brother.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s fine.
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t think it will jeopardize your relationship.
4
SPEAKER_01
Unless if she s super toxic, she can start talking shit about you.
4
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
4
SPEAKER_00
You can t control that.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yes, you can t.
4
SPEAKER_01
And just be short and be cordial and focus your relationship on your brother.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I think this is great.
4
SPEAKER_01
Me too.
4
SPEAKER_01
It worked out the way it was supposed to, it sounds like.
4
SPEAKER_01
Because it s hard when you have a sibling or even a friend and they re dating someone that you know is bad or that s not bringing out the best in them or that s mistreating them.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s very difficult.
4
SPEAKER_01
And in many respects, that can bring a lot of problems within the family and with the kid and all that stuff.
4
SPEAKER_01
But I feel like this clear separation is a really good thing for everybody.
4
SPEAKER_00
I agree.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay, great, great questions.
4
SPEAKER_00
Keep writing in.
4
SPEAKER_00
We get such beautiful, wonderful questions.
4
SPEAKER_00
I just saw Anthony s again.
4
SPEAKER_00
Hi, Anthony.
4
SPEAKER_00
Can you send another one?
4
SPEAKER_00
No, it was just the one from last week.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay, next week.
4
SPEAKER_00
is the big- It is already next week.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
I have like my- You have really bad- Well, because also, I didn t realize how bad I am.
4
SPEAKER_01
No.
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, not bad, but my body, there s something wrong with- I m not breathing.
4
SPEAKER_01
I have not been breathing my whole life.
4
SPEAKER_01
That s what I m kind of realizing.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, you learned that, which is kind of a big revelation.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s a revelation to me that when I breathe with my diaphragm, it hurts.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I feel like I m dying sometimes.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m in these exercises.
4
SPEAKER_01
Not dying, but there s something wrong with me.
4
SPEAKER_00
Have you ever done a thing, okay, lay down, put something- A book, that s one of my exercises.
4
SPEAKER_01
But it s like the transnational ultrasound.
4
SPEAKER_00
What?
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah, it s that for my diaphragm.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh no.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it hurts.
4
SPEAKER_01
I ve been storing a lot into my plexus solar.
4
SPEAKER_01
Solar plexus, sorry, it s solar plexus.
4
SPEAKER_01
So yeah, I ve been storing a lot apparently there s a bodywork guy I should go to Hannah told me to but now don t add more doctor I know
4
SPEAKER_01
This was supposed to be like — I mean, it has been relaxing.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s been not so great for my roommate, I m sure.
4
SPEAKER_01
Not so relaxing for her.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s been a nice experience, but I m very afraid to perform.
4
SPEAKER_00
In my first acting class in college, so like once you joined the acting program, so it was the first like real acting class.
4
SPEAKER_00
The first day of class, the teacher said — it was like a Monday, Wednesday, Friday — she said, okay, on Friday, everyone s going to come in and sing a song for the class.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, I quit.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like, I m not doing that.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m not doing it.
4
SPEAKER_00
But she said the reason is because singing in front of people is the most vulnerable thing a human can do.
4
SPEAKER_00
And once we all do this, we will know each other so much better.
4
SPEAKER_00
We ll get that first vulnerability out of the way so that we can like, you know, act on each other and stuff.
4
SPEAKER_01
So, we should all say.
4
SPEAKER_00
No.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s what we re saying.
4
SPEAKER_00
You have done this and I haven t started my essay yet.
4
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I m so jealous.
4
SPEAKER_01
I mean, thinking about you when I m doing these fucking things, like, man, I got the wrong end of the stick here.
4
SPEAKER_01
I know, but this is your personal journey.
4
SPEAKER_00
I know.
4
SPEAKER_00
No, I chose.
4
SPEAKER_01
No, I m glad I did it because it s helped me.
4
SPEAKER_01
My month of January has been good because of this.
4
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
4
SPEAKER_01
Honestly, it s been something that s made me scroll less on my phone and just have a goal in life.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
Direction.
4
SPEAKER_01
And like this teacher I found is really sweet, even though she s just on my computer.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s just a video.
5
SPEAKER_01
lesson.
5
SPEAKER_01
She s very great at what she does.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s great.
5
SPEAKER_01
Okay, one more thing just to add right before we go.
5
SPEAKER_01
I just remembered that last week when we talked about beauty products, you talk about the hydrogel.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
A couple days ago I was at Target and it s under lock and key there too.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s behind the glass.
5
SPEAKER_01
What is it?
5
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
5
SPEAKER_00
Maybe you can make like meth out of it.
5
SPEAKER_01
There must be an active ingredient.
5
SPEAKER_01
I think it s just like hot.
5
SPEAKER_00
No.
5
SPEAKER_00
Hot commodity.
5
SPEAKER_01
No, they would put like, if all things in Target, the Hydrogel, Neutrogena.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s weird.
5
SPEAKER_00
No.
5
SPEAKER_01
That s weird.
5
SPEAKER_01
I think there s more to this.
5
SPEAKER_01
We should investigate for next week.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, let s go.
5
SPEAKER_01
Cliffhanger.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, cliffhanger.
5
SPEAKER_01
Okay, thanks for listening and we ll see you next week.
5
SPEAKER_01
Bye.
5
SPEAKER_01
Bye.