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This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.
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Look at how fast, we re almost halfway through the year.
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Crazy, yeah.
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Are you proud of what you ve done in 2024 so far?
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I mean, you always want to do more, right?
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Life goes so fast, David.
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It s important to take a moment to celebrate your wins, make adjustments for the rest of the year.
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Listen, therapy is the way to go.
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I did it for a while.
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And I think the thing that slowed me down was what they, is driving to Santa Monica in traffic once or twice a week.
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This is online.
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It s a great idea.
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Very convenient.
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You ve got coping skills, how to set boundaries.
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I mean, there s so many things you can do here to be a better version of yourself.
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You can probably always sharpen it.
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Yeah, I mean, I had a therapist in Portland and I would commute and that was a pain.
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That s a long drive.
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I know it was 1300 miles one way, but you know, it s good therapist.
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But yeah, this one you can mix and match and your thoughts kind of control you and you want to master them.
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That s betterhelp, H-E-L-P.com slash F-O-T-W.
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Okay, Dana, I m wondering why no comedians have their book named Always On.
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Right, because almost all comedians are not always on.
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They re off.
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SPEAKER_03
Buddy Hacker would cry himself to sleep every night.
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Sid Caesar would go to the beach and go, should I swim out, boys?
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SPEAKER_03
No, comedians have a- Does that mean kill himself?
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SPEAKER_03
Yeah, comedians have a, the ones who are always on cry themselves to sleep, let s put it that way.
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We do have a rap, we comedians, as being sad sex and obviously damaged, but I hate that it s sort of a running theme.
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It s not true.
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Yeah, I don t know.
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I mean, I think having a rough childhood, maybe being on the, kind of a little kid in school, you get a big old chip.
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SPEAKER_03
Having a chip on your shoulder is good for the arts.
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SPEAKER_03
I ll show you, motherfuckers.
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Well, there s a couple that come to mind that are very internal in real life, but I have to say you at least.
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I like to hang out with the ones where I don t have to extract the comedy from them.
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You re just very sort of the way you are anyway.
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I think I m like that.
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And I like that easier than pulling teeth to get someone to say something, a modicum of humor.
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It s very interesting, the relaxation and confidence, like what is it kind of about?
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SPEAKER_03
Like if you walk in a room and it s like, say it s Lorne and Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin, and maybe just throw in Obama and you take a chair, you know?
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Obama s in there?
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SPEAKER_03
No, I m putting a table that might intimidate you, and then how much can you be yourself?
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No, it is hard, but sometimes I turn nervousness, I goose it up and I m extra clowny.
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It s really sickening.
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David Spade, what was the name of that TV show?
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I thought you were the funniest guy in it.
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Lauren goes like this, you know David Spade?
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And then they all look and I go, beep-bop-boop.
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I just go right in there.
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You go right in too.
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I don t even go, hey man, I go like this.
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Bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-bop.
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I go, isn t that special?
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I m the Bob, you re Dana, calm down.
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We don t need it.
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Pull my string.
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Just be Michelle, be yourself.
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Alec Baldwin, I m excited about.
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Alec was in the room you just mentioned, that fictitious room.
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That fictitious, scary room.
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Alec Baldwin is a force of nature, man.
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He is a very, you know, he played football in high school.
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He s a big guy.
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He s built strong.
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He s one of 37 brothers.
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I know Billy Baldwin, I know Daniel Baldwin, Stephen Baldwin.
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If you go to the town they grew up in and you just meet people at the store, I m a Baldwin too.
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I m a Baldwin, I know a Baldwin.
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When I open my show, I go, any Baldwins here?
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A couple on the map.
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Alec Baldwin.
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So we re really happy to have had him on the podcast because he has his own lane.
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I love that phrase.
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You have your own lane, I have my own lane.
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With his history of Saturday Night Live, going from movie stardom and loving Saturday Night Live and hosting it 17 times, he has the record.
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SPEAKER_03
And then many guest appearances, just regular cameos he did.
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And then he also,
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did Trump for four years.
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We thought he s like, I like this word, a de facto cast member.
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He has a huge history with SNL and we wanted to break that down.
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I m also fascinated by the Baldwin brothers and where they came from and how do you have four sons like that?
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SPEAKER_03
They re all kind of cool looking and they have really cool voices.
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I d like to meet the dad.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah, my kids are fine.
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SPEAKER_00
I don t know where they came from.
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You know, genetics is strong.
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Am I doing this?
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Yeah, because Alec and everyone s like, hey, listen, here s how it s going.
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Alec Baldwin has the best voice.
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Yeah, he s cool.
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He was my third show, Dana.
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How many shows were you on with him do you think?
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I think he hosted at least twice.
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It seemed like he was in the studio a lot too doing guest spots.
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So he was just around and he, we ll talk all about how he made that pivot.
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He still is a movie star, but he really, really loves sketch comedy.
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He said, I want to do this.
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And he ended up being brilliant at it.
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He was in Beetlejuice.
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He was in Glen Gary, Glen Campbell.
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What was that one?
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Yeah.
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I am the bald one from the county.
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He was doing the Hunt for Red October when he hosted and that s what he was, he was promoting that or Miami Blues or something, but it was great to meet him and watch him.
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just be better than me immediately as a sketch player.
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I know.
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His Tony Bennett is amazing.
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Yeah, he, as Lorne would say, he knows how to land a laugh.
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You know, he knows his way around that.
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Did I even comb my hair today?
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SPEAKER_03
It s called a hat, David.
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I didn t?
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There s four right there.
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God damn it.
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Just don t, just punt on it.
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You know, just let it go.
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I just put this on.
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Heather, get my comb.
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Look, I m not gonna show this to anybody.
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SPEAKER_02
It s in the comb room.
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SPEAKER_03
Kids would cry and scream and run away.
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SPEAKER_03
Why, daddy?
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Why is his hair like that, daddy?
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Goddamn, yours is maybe worse, but you have a hat, smartly.
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SPEAKER_03
Well, you know, I work out and I sweat.
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It s a long story.
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I don t want to go into it now.
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Jesus Christ, they did the whole thing like that?
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SPEAKER_02
Heather, get the 12-way mirror.
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SPEAKER_03
Yeah, get the special spritz.
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SPEAKER_03
Get the special spritz, and I can tease that up.
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SPEAKER_03
I know it s maybe inappropriate.
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SPEAKER_02
Only me and James Cameron have one.
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SPEAKER_02
He practices Avatar in it.
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I don t like to see myself from the side.
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SPEAKER_03
How do you practice that?
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SPEAKER_02
I mean, see how they all look from every angle?
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And they re like, I don t know what I m saying.
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They re in the water.
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Well, we had a very, a lot of interesting things were said today, so tune in.
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Yeah, this one, Alec is not shy about having an opinion about everything in life.
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He s very interesting to talk to.
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And it was great to revisit all the Saturday Night Live stuff, all his great movies.
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He s quite a talent.
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an American original, and it was so much fun talking to him.
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I would listen to this one if I were me.
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To sum it up, I ve been to Aspen.
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It says on my shirt.
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SPEAKER_03
What are you getting for that, $100?
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SPEAKER_02
I worked for Aspen.
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SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
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Now, I just like to let the world know.
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SPEAKER_03
Aspen, you add an H to that?
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SPEAKER_03
That s stinking thinking.
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SPEAKER_03
I ve been to Aspen, Colorado.
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SPEAKER_03
You re good enough, you re strong enough, and gosh darn it, people like you.
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SPEAKER_02
That s like a roast joke.
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SPEAKER_02
I think I saw you in Aspen.
0
Aspen.
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SPEAKER_03
What s the name of your special again?
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SPEAKER_03
Personal Lives?
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What is it?
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Nothing Personal.
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Oh, Nothing Personal.
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Yeah, so anyway, Alec Baldwin, ladies and gentlemen.
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Here he is.
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I feel like I died and went to comedy purgatory here.
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This is great.
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It s heaven.
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Comedy purgatory.
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SPEAKER_01
OK, OK.
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Well, I think we said the jury s out.
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The jury s out.
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SPEAKER_03
Yes.
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SPEAKER_03
We shall see.
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SPEAKER_03
We shall see.
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But it is good to be on the end of this show.
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You too.
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Good to see you.
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Yes.
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Good to see you, Alec.
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You too.
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SPEAKER_01
I ve been listening to the show.
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And I listen to the show when you guys do the promos in the beginning.
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SPEAKER_01
Spade, you re very good.
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SPEAKER_01
You re a very good pitch man.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh, yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
No wonder your voice is clear.
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SPEAKER_01
You have the right emphasis.
0
SPEAKER_01
You re you re a born salesman.
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SPEAKER_01
Oh, fuck yeah.
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SPEAKER_03
I have told him that from the beginning.
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SPEAKER_03
He thought I was kidding, like he has a voice and it really cuts through.
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SPEAKER_03
That s why I let him do most.
0
SPEAKER_03
He does.
0
SPEAKER_01
He does.
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SPEAKER_01
He should just stay away.
0
SPEAKER_01
He should just stay away from hair products.
0
SPEAKER_01
That s what he should say.
0
SPEAKER_01
Don t even look at my hair today.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s really... I can t, I can t.
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SPEAKER_01
Your hair is like a boating accident.
0
SPEAKER_01
I don t know what s wrong.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s like fiberglass shards sticking out.
0
SPEAKER_02
It s like a spider web.
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SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I know.
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SPEAKER_02
I m sorry.
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SPEAKER_02
I was jealous.
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SPEAKER_02
I was jealous of Alec Baldwin s hair.
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SPEAKER_03
Pretty much from the get-go, Alec, I was just looking online to see, first of all, who you were, and secondly, I think you were my third show, I was a writer, and it was your first show, and so it was either my third show, I think the second one was Dice Clay, and I think you were third, do you remember this, does that make any sense?
1
SPEAKER_00
I just remember when I met you, I was terrified when I met you.
1
SPEAKER_00
I was terrified.
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, because you come you come from that school of like Letterman and other people where if you get into the comedy thing, it s like log rolling.
1
SPEAKER_00
If you try to be sharper than them or as funny as them or you try to, like, battle wits with them, you know who s going in the water.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m going in the water.
1
SPEAKER_03
Oh, that s nice of you to say.
1
SPEAKER_00
And you re so and you re so clever.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like Dana is warm and kind of does all these silly characters.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
And Spade, you terrified me.
1
SPEAKER_00
Whenever you would walk in, I would like stiffen.
1
SPEAKER_00
No, that s wow.
1
SPEAKER_02
Well, he s going to he s going to dine out on.
1
SPEAKER_02
He s going to dine out on.
1
SPEAKER_00
I thought I thought I m going in the water today.
1
SPEAKER_02
Well, they seem right.
1
SPEAKER_02
He s like a combination.
1
SPEAKER_02
He s got some Dennis in him, that sort of wit and cunning.
1
SPEAKER_00
Dennis Letterman.
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SPEAKER_02
From love.
1
SPEAKER_00
Ellen DeGeneres.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, Ellen DeGeneres.
1
SPEAKER_03
Sharp.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, it is true.
1
SPEAKER_03
I agree.
1
SPEAKER_03
Thank you, Alec.
1
SPEAKER_03
When you came to host, I was very nervous just because, first of all, honestly, you weren t the biggest star there because you were starting out, but
1
SPEAKER_03
We had just seen Hunt for Red October.
1
SPEAKER_03
They also sequestered the writers to see a new product from the host, and that was, I think, Miami Blues.
1
Right.
1
SPEAKER_03
And we watched that.
1
SPEAKER_03
And so you just could tell, I ve said on other podcasts, you knew Alec was a star.
1
SPEAKER_03
You walk into that meeting, I think he had a black turtleneck, good looking, good hair, which I m furious about.
1
SPEAKER_02
Incredible hair.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
Long hair.
1
SPEAKER_03
Good voice, just too much going on, angered me.
1
SPEAKER_03
And then,
1
SPEAKER_03
Very cool, liked the show.
1
SPEAKER_02
Too attacked.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, I really laid down on that one.
1
SPEAKER_03
Attacked.
1
SPEAKER_02
Well, in the first week, I never said this before, Victoria Jackson, the second time you hosted, I ve never said it to Alex, she said, I m not gonna do it this week.
1
SPEAKER_02
I m not gonna do it this week.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I said, well, what are you talking about?
1
SPEAKER_02
I m not gonna fall in love with him.
1
SPEAKER_02
Speaking of you, and then by Friday.
1
SPEAKER_02
No, but what s funny?
1
SPEAKER_02
Go ahead.
1
SPEAKER_01
But by Friday, she said, he looked at me with those blue eyes, I fell in love again.
1
SPEAKER_00
She didn t realize she didn t realize that I d already fallen in love with Hartman.
1
SPEAKER_00
I wasn t.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
The great.
1
SPEAKER_00
So, you know, what s funny is, as you know, is that when I first came on, you have to make a decision or you have to you have to recognize something, which is either you come on and your career is so iconic, like Stallone or Schwarzenegger, where they re going to make fun of you as you or you do your best.
1
SPEAKER_00
I mean, with varying degrees of success to just become a member of the company.
1
SPEAKER_00
and do the sketches.
1
SPEAKER_00
And it s not really about you and sending you up.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s you need to be a part of the group.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so when I came on, that s what I realized is that I m not Schwarzenegger.
1
SPEAKER_00
You can t lampoon my essence.
1
SPEAKER_00
So I just thought I would try to be, you know, one of the gang.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I always came back.
1
SPEAKER_00
People say, why did you host so many times?
1
SPEAKER_00
I said, because that was really
1
SPEAKER_00
in the beginning of the heyday of me doing films, mostly like all the 90s I did movies.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I said, movies are challenging.
1
SPEAKER_00
Movies can be challenging, but they re so fucking boring.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s unbelievable.
1
SPEAKER_00
It made me bored to death.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I said, I went back to SNL all the time because it was fun.
1
SPEAKER_00
I wanted to have fun.
1
SPEAKER_00
And it was fun.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, I think maybe that comes from him doing plays, Dana, because I think, Alec, I ve read you really like doing plays, and that s another version of doing a play in a way.
1
SPEAKER_03
You re live, you re with other people, you re playing off everybody.
1
SPEAKER_03
It s happening right then.
1
SPEAKER_00
But now that I have seven children between the ages of nine and eight months and I m dying, I m going to sign a deal to do a play for like the next 10 years.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m going to be gone every night.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m sorry.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m in the car at five.
1
SPEAKER_00
I got to be at the theater early.
1
SPEAKER_03
You do have a bit of a cheaper by the dozen vibe going.
1
SPEAKER_02
That s good, but you came from six, so it s thematic in a sense.
1
SPEAKER_02
Do you come from a big family?
1
SPEAKER_02
Five.
1
SPEAKER_00
And you grew up again, where did you grow up?
1
SPEAKER_02
Well, from Montana, but then grew up basically on the peninsula, you know, south of San Francisco.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I thought you were from the Bay Area.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
Middle class, stacked kids, two years apart, like the Baldwin boys, pretty much.
1
SPEAKER_00
Or is that- I guess that kind of, because you do have a very 415 vibe about you.
1
SPEAKER_00
You re very 415.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think you are.
1
SPEAKER_00
You have that vibe, 415.
1
SPEAKER_02
I don t know- Like Kamala Harris.
1
SPEAKER_00
Kamala Harris is very 415.
1
SPEAKER_02
I m laughing like Kamala, but you said here, to your point a second ago, when you came on the show, to me, you were a star already.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
But you acted exactly like we have a new cast member this week.
1
SPEAKER_02
And you said to me, because you d done the big submarine movie, and I said, you were kind of going, I don t know about these movies, and you go,
1
SPEAKER_02
I go, what do you want to do?
1
SPEAKER_02
I just met you.
1
SPEAKER_02
We re on the soundstage rehearsing.
1
SPEAKER_02
I want to do this.
1
SPEAKER_02
I like doing this.
1
SPEAKER_02
You think I want to be on a submarine and go eye captain for the rest of my life?
1
SPEAKER_02
Fuck that.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know, so, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, the shit with that is I used to say, oh, I d love to be in the cast.
1
SPEAKER_00
I d love to be in the cast.
1
SPEAKER_00
This is the most fun.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then when the Trump thing came and I was in the cast.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
I was I was in and out in five minutes.
1
SPEAKER_00
I was in and out in the first five minutes.
1
SPEAKER_00
But I was there the first two seasons, the first season I did every show.
1
SPEAKER_00
Second season, I did nearly every show.
1
SPEAKER_00
Third season, less than second season.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
But like that period I was there, I was like, boy, do I regret wishing that I was wish came true.
1
SPEAKER_02
Well, that s with kids on a Saturday night.
1
SPEAKER_02
That is a big, a big deal because it gets you on that late schedule.
1
SPEAKER_02
You re gone all day on that Saturday rehearsing.
1
SPEAKER_00
So, yeah, that s that s I think I think I think when I finished SNL with Trump thing in 2020, when he lost, I still had three less children.
1
SPEAKER_00
I ve had three children since then.
1
SPEAKER_00
So you have a kid every Monday.
1
SPEAKER_02
Well, do you want to do you want to make an announcement, Alex?
1
SPEAKER_00
Spade is like, oh, no, no way.
1
SPEAKER_00
Do you do it?
1
SPEAKER_00
Do either of you have kids?
1
SPEAKER_00
You have kids.
1
SPEAKER_03
I have two boys.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
I have one of your kids.
1
SPEAKER_03
I have one daughter and I grew up with two brothers at Dana.
1
SPEAKER_03
You only had brothers, too, right?
1
SPEAKER_03
No, I have a baby sister, fuller brothers.
1
SPEAKER_03
I don t really even know.
1
SPEAKER_02
Dennis Miller would say something like, Christ sakes, I can t get the progenies increasing at an exponential rate in the Baldwin household.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it s just crazy.
1
SPEAKER_00
But yeah, it s like this is my project.
1
SPEAKER_00
I really mean it.
1
SPEAKER_00
This is the shit.
1
SPEAKER_00
I get a job and I m like, you know,
1
SPEAKER_00
If it s a week, they re like, come to Vancouver, shoot a movie, your character s dead on page five of the movie.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m like, great, I m there.
1
SPEAKER_00
Can I do a couple scenes?
1
SPEAKER_02
So it s kind of like a flip, but have you seen so far that the siblings are raising each other?
1
SPEAKER_02
It s a, it s a clan, it s a brood and there s the mom and the dad, but the siblings as they go along are doing a lot of shenanigans and play.
1
SPEAKER_02
I mean, it s, it s a pretty incredible dynamic to watch.
1
SPEAKER_00
But we had a girl and then we had four boys in the room.
1
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then we had two girls and the boys are, you know, I mean, it s the boys, man.
1
SPEAKER_00
So it s like you come in their room and one of them standing there out of the shower going, my penis, my penis, my penis.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s what I do.
1
SPEAKER_00
And not only are they singing a song about it, it s a bad song.
1
SPEAKER_03
By the way, I think they re still young.
1
SPEAKER_03
They re not really pulling their weight yet.
1
SPEAKER_03
Right.
1
SPEAKER_03
They re not doing as many chores and babysitting as you d like.
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, I love the line where you guys were talking with Sherry and Terry and Spade says, you know, we didn t get cars on the show like you, Dana.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know, your whole you re being carted around like Meghan Markle.
1
SPEAKER_03
Here s our Meghan Markle.
1
SPEAKER_00
I love that.
1
SPEAKER_00
And my kids and my kids have a little Meghan Markle.
1
SPEAKER_00
They re getting crazy.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
It s hard to stay rich, though, with so many kids.
1
SPEAKER_03
It s just tough out there, because everyone s in a more spoiled world than we grew up in, because when I was a kid, I would think, oh, in the summer in Arizona, I bet everyone s having a lot of fun.
1
SPEAKER_03
They drove to San Diego or something.
1
SPEAKER_03
But now with Instagram, you have concrete photographic proof everyone s having more fun than you.
1
SPEAKER_03
They re like in Ibiza in Italy.
1
SPEAKER_03
I m like, wait, they re in Europe now?
1
SPEAKER_00
I think the change for me is going to be that, like next summer, we re going to start to go overseas and go away as opposed to our standard.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know, we have a house on an island and we just got a place in Vermont.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I m like, I don t want their summers to be just like tennis camp and all that bullshit.
1
SPEAKER_00
So we re going to take them overseas next summer for like five or six weeks and rent a house.
1
SPEAKER_00
We did that.
1
SPEAKER_02
We did that in Italy.
1
SPEAKER_00
Where did you go?
1
SPEAKER_00
Where?
1
SPEAKER_02
San Casciano di Bagna, it s in Tuscany.
1
SPEAKER_02
It s about 90 minutes outside of Rome, I guess.
1
SPEAKER_00
You said Di Bagna, you went to a bathhouse with your family?
1
SPEAKER_02
San Casciano di Bagna.
1
SPEAKER_02
There was an incredible spa there.
1
SPEAKER_02
I d never seen a spa like that with hot water coming down on you.
1
SPEAKER_02
But I ll be honest with you, it was a bit rough on the kids at a certain point.
1
SPEAKER_02
They were not excited.
1
SPEAKER_02
All they wanted to do was catch air off staff.
2
SPEAKER_03
and stuff like skateboarding, Tony Hawk stuff.
2
SPEAKER_03
I could catch so much air off that.
2
SPEAKER_03
And when they saw the statue of David, they turned purple.
2
SPEAKER_03
Just this giant naked statue.
2
SPEAKER_03
They just thought it was the funniest thing.
2
SPEAKER_03
So there was a bit of that, but I think getting them out there is cool.
2
SPEAKER_03
I think that the girls might appreciate it more than the boys.
2
SPEAKER_03
I don t know.
2
SPEAKER_01
We re going to go overseas to Europe next summer, and we re going to plot that out because obviously it s a big crowd.
2
SPEAKER_02
Where are you going?
2
SPEAKER_02
Because I want to tell the paparazzi.
2
SPEAKER_02
Can you just hit me with your itin?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
I ll text you.
2
SPEAKER_02
I ll text you.
2
SPEAKER_02
CC me.
2
SPEAKER_02
Thank you.
2
SPEAKER_01
I ll CC you.
2
SPEAKER_01
But I want to, before I forget this, which is, it s so funny to talk to you two guys and Dana, people would say to me, you know, years ago, 2016, I mean, that s seven years ago.
2
SPEAKER_01
So I start doing the Trump thing.
2
SPEAKER_01
And of course, Lauren says, it s going to be three shows.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, three.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s Lorne.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
He s going to do a great one.
2
SPEAKER_01
He says there s three shows in the South because he s going to lose.
2
SPEAKER_01
There s just going to be three shows.
2
SPEAKER_01
So I come in, I do the three shows.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m laying in bed.
2
SPEAKER_01
Uh, we fall asleep.
2
SPEAKER_01
We don t have a TV in our bedroom, but I got my computer and we fall asleep and I wake up at three in the morning.
2
SPEAKER_01
I check and says, Trump went one to one.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh boy.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I wake my wife up and I go, Trump won.
2
SPEAKER_01
My wife literally groans and rolls over and goes back to sleep.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I sit there and go, now I got to do this fucking thing for the next four years.
2
SPEAKER_01
But you, Dana, I m not just saying this to be polite.
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, you were a huge inspiration for me because I would watch, I d show people Bush
2
SPEAKER_01
I d show Bush and I d say, now watch this.
2
SPEAKER_01
And he d be like, nah, you know, you do all that phonetics.
2
SPEAKER_01
You do those insane phonetics with him.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I d say, that s it.
2
SPEAKER_01
I go, you make your own character.
2
SPEAKER_01
He doesn t have to be some precise.
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I do the worst Trump impersonation of anybody in America.
2
SPEAKER_01
But the idea was I thought to myself, what does he deserve?
2
SPEAKER_01
He doesn t deserve.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m like Brendan Gleeson doing the Comey movie, doing the Comey movie with Jeff Daniels.
2
SPEAKER_03
It s like, you know, I could do pencil necks, not even literal pencil necks, but I could do Bush senior and I could do Perot.
2
SPEAKER_03
But for Trump, it d be hard.
2
SPEAKER_03
But you did have this.
2
SPEAKER_03
You brought this hulking Trumpism to it, you know, that was just innate.
2
SPEAKER_01
So what did he deserve?
2
SPEAKER_01
He s a two dimensional guy.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I said, and everybody doesn t understand that, you know, you know, infinitely better than I do, that you re firing in the cannon on a live show.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m in front of a live audience and TV cameras.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I just looked at myself in acting school.
2
SPEAKER_01
They say, watch the performance with the sound off.
2
SPEAKER_01
So we d watch the sound of it, and you d see the person you were imitating or emulating in whatever way with the sound of it.
2
SPEAKER_01
With trumpet, it was always like, stick your mouth out like you re going to suck the windshield out of a car.
2
SPEAKER_01
Hold your hands up like you re waiting for someone to hand you a towel.
2
SPEAKER_01
They re like this.
2
SPEAKER_01
And but a lot of what I said, I showed people you were Bush.
2
SPEAKER_01
I said, look at this.
2
SPEAKER_01
I said, he s doing his own thing.
2
SPEAKER_01
He s come up with his own thing, you know, because we didn t know.
2
SPEAKER_03
We didn t know what there was after Reagan bumbling Reagan.
2
SPEAKER_03
It was like a technocrat.
2
SPEAKER_03
It was like a flat voice.
2
SPEAKER_03
There was nothing there.
2
SPEAKER_03
and then kept teasing out little rhythms going in that area, that thing, and then taking it to from not gonna do it to nah, God, do it.
2
SPEAKER_03
But the audience took it with me.
2
SPEAKER_03
But I wanted to ask you, the terror, until you get used to it, of the whole studio, the only time it s quiet is right before the cold opening.
2
SPEAKER_03
Everybody freezes.
2
SPEAKER_03
In the other sketches, there s movement and slats moving around.
2
SPEAKER_01
For 15 seconds!
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, nine seconds.
2
SPEAKER_03
And then you have all these jokes to land.
2
SPEAKER_03
So I remember at one point to myself, I said, think of the script as suggestions.
2
SPEAKER_03
Because I would get, and when the script was too long, I d say, I feel like I m doing homework now, Al.
2
SPEAKER_03
It s too many jokes.
2
SPEAKER_03
I d rather do less and be playful.
2
SPEAKER_03
But how did you deal with all that pressure?
2
SPEAKER_03
Because it s all quiet, and here comes Alec doing Trump, you know?
2
SPEAKER_03
It s scary, that dude in the cold arms.
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I m standing there on the stage.
2
SPEAKER_01
We re going to do the dress.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I m not saying this to be amusing or whatever.
2
SPEAKER_01
We re standing there to do the dress and I go, I have no fucking idea what I m going to do.
2
SPEAKER_01
All I know is I got to stick my mouth out like this, put my hands up and say, and then try to do, just do the whole, and he s a guy who back then in the early days, we had this gag where it was like, he was a guy who was always groping
2
SPEAKER_01
for a stronger word than he never found.
2
SPEAKER_01
So he d say, I spent, I went to this event with this crowd.
2
SPEAKER_01
It was a fantastic crowd.
2
SPEAKER_01
This crowd was truly, truly fantastic.
2
SPEAKER_01
You know, he just loops back.
2
SPEAKER_01
He s not, he s not a lot of verbal muscularity.
2
SPEAKER_03
He has, he never runs into a ditch because he has these little phrases.
2
SPEAKER_03
Many people are saying to many people, you re going to see it.
2
SPEAKER_03
We re going to do it because we know how to do it.
2
SPEAKER_03
We know where we re going.
2
SPEAKER_03
And a lot of people don t want us to do it, but we re going to do it anyway.
2
SPEAKER_00
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SPEAKER_00
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2
SPEAKER_01
Now, when Spade, when you did your TV show, how many seasons was Just Shoot Me?
2
SPEAKER_01
How many was that?
2
SPEAKER_02
Just Shoot Me was 148 episodes.
2
SPEAKER_02
I think it was six full seasons.
2
SPEAKER_01
Six full seasons.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s great.
2
SPEAKER_01
I would love to do another TV series, I swear.
2
SPEAKER_02
Thank you for pulling it back to me.
2
SPEAKER_02
Because when Dana showed me his bush, it was in his dressing room.
2
SPEAKER_03
Good night!
2
SPEAKER_03
No, I just wanted to say about 30 Rock, because this is something I just didn t really know, the breadth of the awards, sweet Alec, for the 30 Rock.
2
SPEAKER_03
Three Emmys, three Golden Globes, and seven SEG awards.
2
SPEAKER_02
Some say too many.
2
SPEAKER_03
Most in history.
2
SPEAKER_03
I think it s a little over the top, but I mean that...
2
SPEAKER_03
That s insane.
2
SPEAKER_01
When I won like the fourth or fifth time, I m next to Tina at my table, here with her cast at the table, and they go, and the winner is Alec Baldwin.
2
SPEAKER_01
I looked at Tina, I was like,
2
SPEAKER_01
Where s the originality in this battle?
2
SPEAKER_03
Well, it s also your peers.
2
SPEAKER_03
I mean, I got one Emmy, but a SAG award, that s all actors giving you the award.
2
SPEAKER_03
Did you feel kind of, OK, guys, I mean, I appreciate you.
2
SPEAKER_01
I was very grateful.
2
SPEAKER_01
You know, 30 Rock was something where the first season, I didn t want to do a TV series because I wasn t sure.
2
SPEAKER_01
You know, it s like, as we all know, it s like, what s going to come up six years if it runs six, seven years from now?
2
SPEAKER_01
So but I did it.
2
SPEAKER_01
I did the pilot.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I go, this isn t bad.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I knew I wasn t funny.
2
SPEAKER_01
They re funny.
2
SPEAKER_01
Because they write to me, I ve never said I was funny or a comedian, because I don t write.
2
SPEAKER_01
You re a comedian, when you write your material, you re funny, if you want, like Tina and Carla, I could read you.
2
SPEAKER_01
And, but I went in there and just tried to play
2
SPEAKER_01
People said it was Lauren.
2
SPEAKER_01
It wasn t really Lauren because this is a guy who just is very unselfaware.
2
SPEAKER_01
I wanted to play a guy that was completely unselfaware.
2
SPEAKER_01
And he walks into a room and doesn t realize I was coming across.
2
SPEAKER_02
It didn t strike me as much, Lorne, you re right.
2
SPEAKER_02
And also those TV shows, yours, first of all, it s in town, which is a gift.
2
SPEAKER_02
You don t have to go to LA.
2
SPEAKER_02
Second, you probably wouldn t have done it if it was not in New York.
2
SPEAKER_02
But mine was a sitcom, which is easier hours.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yours is like shot like a movie.
2
SPEAKER_02
So some of those days can get really hard.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it was very tough on the crew.
2
SPEAKER_01
But we know we kept it pretty cool.
2
SPEAKER_01
It was because, you know, the joke was that Tina wanted to shoot everything she wrote.
2
SPEAKER_01
So if your character sitting down there and Jake Pekowski says, What was your date like last night?
2
SPEAKER_01
She go well with show the date.
2
SPEAKER_01
You don t describe it.
2
SPEAKER_01
We don t describe anything.
2
SPEAKER_01
We shoot everything we should we show it.
2
SPEAKER_01
We don t tell you when you when you did your when you did your for your for camera.
2
SPEAKER_01
What studio were you at?
2
SPEAKER_01
Where were you?
2
SPEAKER_02
I was at CBS Radford in the Valley.
2
SPEAKER_01
You were at Radford?
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Same as Will & Grace.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, Will & Grace came on a year after us, or two years after us, then they followed us on the schedule.
2
SPEAKER_02
But we were around when it was very tough.
2
SPEAKER_02
It was Seinfeld, it was ER, it was Friends, Frasier, Will & Grace.
2
SPEAKER_02
So it was tough.
2
SPEAKER_02
Veronica s Closet was the only one we were beating, I think, because we were still in the top 15, but you can t keep up with Seinfeld.
2
SPEAKER_02
Love Veronica s Closet.
2
SPEAKER_02
These shows are monstrous even years later.
2
SPEAKER_02
So we did a good job, I thought, and I really liked it, and it was a super, super fun experience.
2
SPEAKER_02
But
3
SPEAKER_01
It s hard to get that again.
3
SPEAKER_01
I think we got canceled because we only had about 40 million viewers or something.
3
SPEAKER_02
Well, the thing is, I always tell people, when you have a fantasy, I ll never forget, I was parsing myself and we were talking about a fantasy work situation and this guy, and I start to go, well, and I m hedging, and the guy goes, Alec, it s a fantasy.
3
SPEAKER_02
He said, have it exactly the way you want it.
3
SPEAKER_02
Oh yeah, make it up.
3
SPEAKER_02
And for me, my fantasy is, I m doing the Jack in the Box show.
3
SPEAKER_02
I m coming out there.
3
SPEAKER_02
Me and Audrey Meadows come out.
3
SPEAKER_02
You blow a kiss to the audience.
3
SPEAKER_02
How s everybody doing tonight?
3
SPEAKER_02
Everybody good.
3
SPEAKER_02
All right.
3
SPEAKER_02
I understand we have a birthday in the house and a wheel and a cake.
3
SPEAKER_02
There s a 90 year old lady in the front row.
3
SPEAKER_02
This is McGillicuddy.
3
SPEAKER_02
Everybody join me.
3
SPEAKER_02
We sing, she blows out the cake.
3
SPEAKER_02
Now, the following week, we do the same fucking thing again with it.
3
SPEAKER_02
Mrs. McGillicuddy is there.
3
SPEAKER_02
It s her birthday again.
3
SPEAKER_02
I just wanted to have like a good time.
3
SPEAKER_02
I wanted to have a good time.
3
SPEAKER_02
I don t want to do four cameras.
3
SPEAKER_02
So I went off to go do the thing with Kelsey, where we do this sitcom with Kelsey.
3
SPEAKER_02
And I remember standing there, I m literally standing on the edge of the set with Chris Lloyd and Vali Chandrasekhar.
3
SPEAKER_02
And and Kelsey was nearby.
3
SPEAKER_02
And I go, Do you guys notice something about this set?
3
SPEAKER_02
And Chris Floyd goes, What?
3
SPEAKER_02
I go, Well, this guy has a lot of money.
3
SPEAKER_02
His wife has a lot of money.
3
SPEAKER_02
And his wife just left him.
3
SPEAKER_02
And I said, there was an effeminate touch in this whole room.
3
SPEAKER_02
And everything looks like it s from West Elm.
3
SPEAKER_02
It s all very inexpensive shit.
3
SPEAKER_02
West Elm.
3
SPEAKER_02
And Chris was like, Yeah, that s interesting that you say that.
3
SPEAKER_02
I thought,
3
SPEAKER_02
We re not going anywhere.
3
SPEAKER_02
They re never going anywhere.
3
SPEAKER_02
The set was like, we re not going anywhere.
3
SPEAKER_02
We re going nowhere.
3
SPEAKER_01
We re not even leaving the gate, let alone getting on the runway.
3
SPEAKER_01
This looks a little too crate and barrel to get picked up.
3
SPEAKER_00
I ve been in a lot of bombs.
3
Have you?
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh yeah, I did a lot of pilots.
3
SPEAKER_00
I did a pilot with, because I was thinking about that comedian thing.
3
SPEAKER_00
Folklore has it that Lucille Ball didn t really, really write much, but you d give her something and she d create magic, obviously.
3
SPEAKER_00
But I did a pilot with Desi Arnaz Jr.
3
SPEAKER_00
called whacked out and we re shooting the pilot and we re bombing and then all of a sudden i hear a voice on this side of the studio going what s wrong with you people this is funny and it was lucille ball in her later years so desi just kind of went okay mom s here and then
3
SPEAKER_00
Huge line form so that people get her autograph but the pilot didn t work but he s very proud of his dad is super nice guy.
3
SPEAKER_02
Does the artist know you know you both you live in l.a.
3
SPEAKER_02
both in l.a.
3
SPEAKER_00
yes sir yeah yeah i have a i m warm right now i m at a.
3
SPEAKER_00
A farm.
3
SPEAKER_00
A bunker?
3
SPEAKER_00
A farm north of Santa Barbara.
3
SPEAKER_00
Anchorage.
3
SPEAKER_00
Here s your quiz.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Here s your quiz.
3
SPEAKER_00
What movie is that?
3
SPEAKER_00
That s Reds.
3
SPEAKER_00
I just watched it the other day.
3
SPEAKER_00
Geez.
3
SPEAKER_00
The other day?
3
SPEAKER_00
Damn, I love that.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_02
I just watched Reds the other day.
3
SPEAKER_00
You did?
3
SPEAKER_02
And not only did I watch Reds the other day.
3
SPEAKER_02
I m being very rude now.
3
SPEAKER_02
The moment I finished watching the movie, I hung up the phone and I called Warren and I talked to him about it for an hour.
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, why is that rude?
3
SPEAKER_00
That sounds amazing.
3
SPEAKER_02
No, I mean, I m not much of a star fucker name dropper, but it was like- But Moran is so mellow.
3
SPEAKER_02
He s so rich, his mind.
3
SPEAKER_02
I mean, he s a really, really fascinating guy.
3
SPEAKER_00
Brilliant.
3
SPEAKER_00
How did you... You saw it when it came out, how long had it been since you d seen it and how did it affect you this time?
3
SPEAKER_02
I ve probably seen it one of the times since it came out in 1980.
3
SPEAKER_02
I d seen it before.
3
SPEAKER_02
Because I was always hooked on, I was really hooked on the witnesses, on the testimonials.
3
SPEAKER_02
I love that technique where they had the real people talking, then they cut to the dramatization.
3
SPEAKER_02
And I m watching movies now where it s like, I don t mean to be so cliched about it, but it s like things you re just never going to see again.
3
SPEAKER_02
It s like movies now.
3
SPEAKER_02
I mean, every movie I do now is like, you know.
3
SPEAKER_02
Me and Marlon Brando trapped in an elevator for an hour.
3
SPEAKER_01
No sets, no costumes.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if this is true.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if this is true, but I was told that Jack Nicholson wrote a very... He had sort of a thing for Diane Keaton and he wrote a very, very personal revealing letter and he puts it in the book.
3
SPEAKER_00
that he gives to her in that scene to create all this sort of tension.
3
SPEAKER_00
But I thought he really stands out as Eugene O Neill.
3
SPEAKER_00
The whole movie is brilliant.
3
SPEAKER_00
Who would make a movie like that?
3
SPEAKER_00
about the Soviet Union.
3
SPEAKER_02
I was told he was in a wardrobe fitting, and he dropped his pants, said, my penis, my penis.
3
SPEAKER_01
You didn t hear that?
3
SPEAKER_01
What is that hat you re wearing?
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, it just says Midnight Toker.
3
SPEAKER_01
It just got too bright.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t know why it got bright in here.
3
SPEAKER_01
Midnight Toker, Alec, you know that song.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it s just a stupid fucking hat.
3
SPEAKER_00
In a midnight joker.
3
SPEAKER_00
But anyway, Reds, we have not talked about Reds on this podcast, so that s a bucket list for me.
3
SPEAKER_02
Let s talk about movies.
3
SPEAKER_02
Give me five of your favorite performances, male or female.
3
SPEAKER_02
What are five movies where the acting to you is so on itself?
3
SPEAKER_01
Butch and Sundance, I saw recently.
3
SPEAKER_01
Butch Cassidy and Sundance.
3
SPEAKER_01
No, I m not kidding, Alec.
3
SPEAKER_02
No, no, no.
3
SPEAKER_02
I m not, Dana.
3
SPEAKER_02
I mean, David, you re being very sensitive.
3
SPEAKER_02
I was gonna say Veronica s Closet.
3
SPEAKER_02
Veronica s Closet is... Veronica s Closet, there s a movie there.
3
SPEAKER_02
That s top shelf.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
3
SPEAKER_02
No, Joe, go ahead.
3
SPEAKER_02
Danny, you first.
3
SPEAKER_02
Give me three.
3
SPEAKER_02
Three performances.
3
SPEAKER_02
Jesus.
3
SPEAKER_02
Men and three by women.
3
SPEAKER_02
Give me three by men and three by women.
3
SPEAKER_00
Jesus, three by men and three by women?
3
SPEAKER_00
No way.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, my God.
3
SPEAKER_02
Essential.
3
SPEAKER_00
Essential.
3
SPEAKER_00
Essential.
3
SPEAKER_00
I just saw a documentary on Katherine Hepburn.
3
SPEAKER_00
So on Golden Pawn, she got me very... I was very emotional about her performance in that.
3
SPEAKER_02
I heard your Henry Fonda impersonation, by the way, the other day on the show.
3
SPEAKER_02
I listened.
3
SPEAKER_02
What show was I doing?
3
SPEAKER_02
Quite a few shows on this show.
3
SPEAKER_00
I didn t even I don t remember doing it on this show.
3
SPEAKER_02
Gee, I remember I felt like, I do too.
3
SPEAKER_02
I ll name him.
3
SPEAKER_02
You wanted one great film performance?
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_02
Two great male performances embedded in one film.
3
SPEAKER_00
Twelve angry men.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, incorrect.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_00
All right.
3
SPEAKER_00
But a good guess.
3
SPEAKER_00
All right.
3
SPEAKER_02
That s 12 good performances.
3
SPEAKER_02
The failsafe and Larry Hagman.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, God.
3
SPEAKER_00
What a brilliant movie.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Larry Hagman as the internal Henry.
3
SPEAKER_00
Great acting.
3
SPEAKER_00
I want to know what he s I don t want to hear what he s saying.
3
SPEAKER_00
I want to know what he s thinking.
3
SPEAKER_00
They re trying to prevent a nuclear war.
3
SPEAKER_00
And Larry Hagman is the interpreter.
3
SPEAKER_00
Do you know the movie, David?
3
SPEAKER_00
I do.
3
SPEAKER_00
I think they redid it.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, but then it probably wasn t very good.
3
SPEAKER_00
I want to ask Alec a question.
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, go ahead.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t mean to interrupt.
3
SPEAKER_00
Let s finish our list.
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, I just want to insert one thing here.
3
SPEAKER_00
My wife and I have a really, a love affair with a few movies with one actor.
3
SPEAKER_00
He s not considered a great actor, but the movies are touchstones for us.
3
SPEAKER_00
Three Days of the Condor.
3
SPEAKER_00
all the president s men.
3
SPEAKER_00
Right.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I think the way we were, those movies are movies you can watch a lot.
3
SPEAKER_00
I also loved, you know, ordinary people that he directed.
3
SPEAKER_00
I ve just sort of have a thing about Robert Redford as a producer too.
3
SPEAKER_01
Alex not giving it up at all.
3
SPEAKER_02
No, he.
3
SPEAKER_02
Well, no, but I mean, Redford, of course, is of a certain stripe where they, where it was discouraged.
3
SPEAKER_02
It s like, it s like Cruise doing Magnolia.
3
SPEAKER_02
Cruz does Magnolia.
3
SPEAKER_02
He blows everybody away.
3
SPEAKER_02
He s nominated for an Oscar.
3
SPEAKER_02
I believe he doesn t win.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_02
But I mean, everybody knows that Cruz in Magnolia is the greatest actor he s ever done.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
3
SPEAKER_00
Give it up.
3
SPEAKER_02
And then when he s done with that, when he s done with revealing these darker edges of himself, his agents and producers and his I mean, this is my position.
3
SPEAKER_02
They sit him down and they re like, OK, are you done now?
3
SPEAKER_02
You get that out of your system?
3
SPEAKER_02
Are you happy now?
3
SPEAKER_02
It s like Julia Roberts in Mary Riley.
3
SPEAKER_02
Someone sits her down with Malkovich.
3
SPEAKER_02
They do the origin story of Jekyll and Hyde, and she does Mary Riley.
3
SPEAKER_02
And someone sits her down and says, now, whatever you do,
3
SPEAKER_02
this patented signature smile of yours, you re not going to smile or laugh one fucking frame of this movie, don t you dare.
3
SPEAKER_01
Right.
3
SPEAKER_02
We re going to go to the computer.
3
SPEAKER_02
So they do the movie and same thing.
3
SPEAKER_02
She s in a hotel restaurant.
3
SPEAKER_02
They re going, are you done now?
3
SPEAKER_02
OK, now you ve finished.
3
SPEAKER_02
Let s get back to bring back those 200 teeth.
3
SPEAKER_01
And we re going to go to John Wayne.
3
SPEAKER_00
John Wayne played Genghis Khan for one movie.
3
SPEAKER_00
that that s all you need to know about let s say hey duke uh we re gonna go get back on the saddle here okay oh yeah look i got one uh it s courtroom the verdict
3
SPEAKER_00
OK, there s Paul Newman again.
3
SPEAKER_00
So there s a good one, right?
3
SPEAKER_02
There s Newman.
3
SPEAKER_02
There s Newman with Lou Matz, who I mean, I just came today.
3
SPEAKER_02
I drove up to Vermont yesterday and came back from Treat Williams Memorial Service because of Treat Dye.
3
SPEAKER_02
I know, as you probably know.
3
SPEAKER_02
And I was talking to the crowd there and I said, here s a guy who, you know, you go watch hair and here he is, the Dionysian love god, the rock god.
3
SPEAKER_02
He s dancing on the table.
3
SPEAKER_02
He s so fucking amazing.
3
SPEAKER_02
And within a couple of years, he does Princeton City.
3
SPEAKER_02
And uh...
4
SPEAKER_01
And I said, you re going to understand movies in New York, especially in the Met, the great, great film directors at the peak of their talent.
4
SPEAKER_01
I said, we re in Vermont.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I go, well, the line of actors.
4
SPEAKER_01
who wanted to be considered to play the lead in Prince of the City, or any great male role in a romantic film.
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, that line goes all the way to fucking Albany.
4
SPEAKER_01
Everybody in New York wanted that part, everybody.
4
SPEAKER_01
And Tariq got that role.
4
SPEAKER_01
And with Newman, he knew, like, there s my chance to dig down.
4
SPEAKER_01
Now, the Oscars were in 83.
4
SPEAKER_01
I drove cross-country for the first time to live in LA.
4
SPEAKER_01
I drive to LA, we re there, we have an Oscar party.
4
SPEAKER_01
And Ben Kingsley wins for Gandhi.
4
SPEAKER_01
David s gonna go, he s done.
4
SPEAKER_01
No, no.
4
SPEAKER_01
Settling in.
4
SPEAKER_01
Ben Kingsley wins for Gandhi.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I ve always said that those people who win for biographical films of living people, they bring the mantle of that person into the room too.
4
SPEAKER_01
So I m not as excited, you know what I mean?
4
SPEAKER_01
Are you giving an Oscar to Ben Kingsley s performance or are you giving an Oscar to Gandhi?
4
SPEAKER_01
So when Newman lost in The Verdict, which I think is one of the greatest 25 performances in a long time,
4
SPEAKER_01
We like threw our beer cans at the fucking TV.
4
SPEAKER_01
We were like screaming and in outrage.
4
SPEAKER_01
But that s what you re right.
4
SPEAKER_01
The verdict.
4
SPEAKER_01
Great.
4
SPEAKER_01
And James Mason, I use the money pays for my whiskey.
4
SPEAKER_01
I was scared.
4
SPEAKER_03
I loved him.
4
SPEAKER_03
James Mason.
4
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_03
Well, what do you think of De Niro and Raging Bull just as a performance?
4
SPEAKER_03
That s a pretty... Well, De Niro is someone who is a... He s got a bunch of them, but yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, he s very gifted, but he also has the great... I mean, he d be the first to say he has the great good fortune, especially during the genesis of his career of being part of a battery with a great director.
4
SPEAKER_01
Raging Bull wasn t Raging Bull because of Bob.
4
SPEAKER_01
Raging Bull was Raging Bull because of Bob and Marty and Michael Chapman.
4
SPEAKER_01
I mean, the way they shot it, the way they cut it.
4
SPEAKER_01
I mean, Marty is... I did a small part in The Departed.
4
SPEAKER_01
I did a small part in The Aviator with Leo.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I mean, you know, you re just so... You re like high.
4
SPEAKER_01
You re so fucking thrilled to be in the movie.
4
SPEAKER_03
The departed by itself on its own is- What s that?
4
SPEAKER_03
Could you describe for a second what it s like to be on a set with him?
4
SPEAKER_03
Is it just because he s so focused, so likable?
4
SPEAKER_03
What is it about being around him and being directed by him?
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, you know, you get from him, maybe I m superimposing this, like he kind of telegraphs to you that we re going to do your scene here where you re outside the door and I got a pipe and I m talking to Leo through the door.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like, Howard, it s long.
4
SPEAKER_01
and he s naked and he s pissing in the jars and he s in the other room.
4
SPEAKER_01
And you know, with Marty, that you re smart enough, or at least you, you re smart enough to know it ain t about you.
4
SPEAKER_01
So let s get four or five good takes.
4
SPEAKER_01
Get your pipe lit, get your lines down, get your angle to the camera.
4
SPEAKER_01
How are you going to play?
4
SPEAKER_01
You re kind of sure the door is here.
4
SPEAKER_01
You don t talk to a door because it s not the person.
4
SPEAKER_01
So you re kind of playing out and you re doing everything you need to do.
4
SPEAKER_01
And you want to get it over with quickly because you know that Marty wants to get in the room and Leo for the rest of the day.
4
SPEAKER_01
Leo, Leo, Leo, Leo, naked pissing in the bottle, Leo with the matted hair.
4
SPEAKER_01
You get it.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s not about you.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s not about you.
4
SPEAKER_01
So you want to be efficient.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then they go off and they go like with the departed.
4
SPEAKER_01
We did the departed.
4
SPEAKER_01
And, you know, it was like Jack and Matt and those guys, they were the stars of the film.
4
SPEAKER_01
I just came in.
4
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I play my little notes.
4
SPEAKER_01
You know, I mean, that s it.
4
SPEAKER_03
just like a rat, like a rat.
4
SPEAKER_03
I remember when Nicholson went for that rat face.
4
SPEAKER_03
It s very bold in that moment in The Departed.
4
SPEAKER_03
What s your favorite Nicholson movie?
4
SPEAKER_01
Hard to say, but I got one.
4
SPEAKER_03
Go ahead, boy.
4
SPEAKER_03
Let me hear yours.
4
SPEAKER_03
Maybe I ll, if you re right there with me.
4
SPEAKER_03
I ll tell you if you re right.
4
SPEAKER_01
Of course you will.
4
SPEAKER_03
He s a mind reader.
4
SPEAKER_01
Of course you will.
4
SPEAKER_01
Go ahead.
4
SPEAKER_01
What is the name?
4
SPEAKER_01
Now I m blanking out because of you guys.
4
SPEAKER_01
Five Easy Pieces.
4
SPEAKER_01
No, no, that s close.
4
SPEAKER_01
I like that one.
4
SPEAKER_01
And Not Chinatown, although I love Chinatown.
4
SPEAKER_01
Not Chinatown, I love Chinatown.
4
SPEAKER_01
How much more, how much better can you eat?
4
SPEAKER_01
What can you have?
4
SPEAKER_01
You don t already have the future, Mr. Gibbs.
4
SPEAKER_03
Future.
4
SPEAKER_03
John Houston impression from Alec Baldwin.
4
SPEAKER_01
My favorite story he told me, Jack, was that he s on the set.
4
SPEAKER_01
And it s Polanski, and Houston, and, and Jack, and they re shooting these scenes between the three of them.
4
SPEAKER_01
And he said that there s Polanski holding forth and he s talking and talking and talking.
4
SPEAKER_01
He s finished talking.
4
SPEAKER_01
And he said that Houston could pronounce his name, Roma.
4
SPEAKER_01
He called him Roma.
4
SPEAKER_00
And he said that Houston, he said that Houston looks at Polanski and says, he looks at Polanski and says, now, Ramon, there are really only two directions, a little more and a little less.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I thought, you want to answer me?
4
SPEAKER_01
You re fucking right.
4
SPEAKER_01
You re fucking right it is.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
Wait, let s let you guys say something while I look up this text.
4
SPEAKER_02
OK, I got I got an offshoot one while you re Googling.
4
SPEAKER_02
You tell me if it s me or me.
4
SPEAKER_02
Go ahead.
4
SPEAKER_02
No, this is a different one.
4
SPEAKER_02
This is a Pobre Greenwich Village with I ain t going to be a fucking T-boy, a bed bug Eddie with Eric Roberts, Eric Roberts.
4
SPEAKER_02
That s a good performance.
4
SPEAKER_02
It s a little not the obvious, obvious one.
4
SPEAKER_02
Right?
4
SPEAKER_02
My favorite, my favorite.
4
SPEAKER_02
Don t skim it, you re skimming me.
4
SPEAKER_02
You know what, okay.
4
SPEAKER_03
How about Deer Hunter for him and Walken?
4
SPEAKER_03
Deer Hunter for De Niro and Walken.
4
SPEAKER_03
This is this, you do a great De Niro.
4
SPEAKER_01
My favorite, my favorite, my favorite Nicholson is Ironweed.
4
SPEAKER_01
Ironweed with Meryl Streep.
4
SPEAKER_01
My favorite Nicholson.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
That movie makes me sob every time I watch sob.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m gonna watch that tonight.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m gonna watch that tonight, Ironweed.
4
SPEAKER_02
I was gonna see it, but I was sick that day.
4
SPEAKER_01
Do De Niro?
4
SPEAKER_01
No, I m not going to do De Niro because you re probably doing better than that.
4
SPEAKER_02
No, no, I don t do a De Niro.
4
SPEAKER_02
No, Dana does not.
4
SPEAKER_03
I don t go in places where someone s already- Oh, you know what, Alec?
4
SPEAKER_02
When you did De Niro, did you re the one that was doing Little Bit, Little Bit?
4
SPEAKER_02
Well, we would do- Little Bit, Little Bit.
4
SPEAKER_01
My favorite was we did the- Joe Pesci show?
4
SPEAKER_01
We did the mock.
4
SPEAKER_01
We did that on Pesci, but the other thing was the mock opening of Goodfellas.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I mean, I love going home to my neighborhood in Massapequa.
4
SPEAKER_01
I didn t do it.
4
SPEAKER_01
I go my own neighborhood in Massapequa.
4
SPEAKER_01
And it was Frankie, the fish.
4
SPEAKER_01
And it was Louis, the Louis, the limp.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then they get to the guy that goes.
4
SPEAKER_01
And it was Tommy six times because he said everything six times.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m going to go get the papers, get the papers, get the papers, get the papers, get the papers.
4
SPEAKER_02
I was in that cold opening.
4
SPEAKER_02
I was I was I was out of focus, Jimmy.
4
SPEAKER_02
You were out of focus, Jimmy.
4
SPEAKER_02
Oh, my God.
4
SPEAKER_02
That s I remember.
4
SPEAKER_02
I just saw this on like Instagram.
4
SPEAKER_02
They were pant.
4
SPEAKER_02
They pan around like every fucking person, the cast is in it and they go around.
4
SPEAKER_02
Everyone s got a different bit to do.
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, the when I go back archivally and watch stuff, I mean, I watch you know, I watched when I first came on there and it s like, you know, very little bit stuff I m in.
4
SPEAKER_01
except when we did the stupid thing.
4
SPEAKER_01
The only time I ever cracked when we did the show, and I think this was really the only time, was with Hartman.
4
SPEAKER_01
And we did this thing called the environmentally sensitive model.
4
SPEAKER_01
which was a, which was a take on, uh, uh, the wild one.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I played this Marlon Brando.
4
SPEAKER_01
And one thing I did, one thing I do is Veronica, uh, Victoria Jackson s there and they had her old dresser where her boobs are like two garbage cans sticking in your face.
4
SPEAKER_01
And she has, she has a little, uh, a little sweater on.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I woke up to her and she goes, can I come with you, Johnny?
4
SPEAKER_01
I take her sweater and I go, and I pull it down and I go,
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, you can come in.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I mean, like, I have to I have to get a good look.
4
SPEAKER_01
So I ripped the sweater.
4
SPEAKER_01
But then in the end, Hartman had played the lines like every masterful actor.
4
SPEAKER_01
He played the lines and threw them away until the take until the end.
4
SPEAKER_01
And we do this.
4
SPEAKER_01
We do the air episode.
4
SPEAKER_01
And the guy says, boss, we got to go.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m going to ride off with his daughter into the sunset, and he owns the chemical company.
4
SPEAKER_01
And his henchman comes and goes, boss, we got to go.
4
SPEAKER_01
Tank number seven s blowing, too.
4
SPEAKER_01
And all of a sudden, Hartman, who d thrown the wine away, turns around with this perfect wine in his voice and grabs my other fella and goes, take me with you.
4
SPEAKER_03
I just heard Phil for a second.
4
SPEAKER_01
Take me with you.
4
SPEAKER_01
He just did this horrible whine and I literally fucking cracked up.
4
SPEAKER_01
So good.
4
SPEAKER_01
He wasn t, don t you love him?
4
SPEAKER_03
Oh, we re going to, we re going to do a tribute show to Phil to talk about his greatness.
4
SPEAKER_03
When?
4
SPEAKER_03
In September, it s one or two dates at the Groundlings, but you could zoom in and talk to us about him.
4
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, if you want to say anything nice.
4
SPEAKER_03
Bill Hader and Will Ferrell, so many people have mentioned him as a touchstone and just the guy who could do anything and we miss him.
4
SPEAKER_03
And so I just heard him for a second and I got a little emotional.
4
SPEAKER_03
I mean, you captured it.
4
SPEAKER_03
The Sinatra report.
4
SPEAKER_03
Oh, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_03
I got chunks of stool bigger than you guys or whatever.
4
SPEAKER_03
Luther Campbell, he turned to Chris, I can t understand the word.
4
SPEAKER_03
I m just getting.
5
SPEAKER_01
Pops and bangs over here or something like that.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh, I mean, that when I go back and look at the show, that s what I look at.
5
SPEAKER_00
I look at this fucking like guys who could really, really, you know, Will and Sherry and Sherry.
5
SPEAKER_00
And you guys Hans and Franz.
5
SPEAKER_00
My kids love Hans and Franz.
5
SPEAKER_00
I think that s fucking hysterical.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s very flattering at this point.
5
SPEAKER_00
They do.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh, my kids.
5
SPEAKER_00
I watch my show.
5
SPEAKER_00
My kids.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
If you like that kind of stuff.
5
SPEAKER_00
If you like it.
5
SPEAKER_01
Uh, what about you with the fake, with the bad soap opera guy?
5
SPEAKER_01
You ve got Canker.
5
SPEAKER_01
Um, remember, this might be the first show you were on because I remember bad soap opera, Green Hilly, where you re kissing everyone.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
And, uh, well, Canteen Boy was probably later.
5
SPEAKER_01
Was that, that was early on or no?
5
SPEAKER_01
With you and Sandler.
5
SPEAKER_00
So with Sandler, it was a while ago.
5
SPEAKER_01
Maybe 90, 91?
5
SPEAKER_01
It was probably early on, because Sandler came on, not your first show.
5
SPEAKER_01
He came on probably that time you were there, second or third show.
5
SPEAKER_01
Canteen Boy was a fucking hilarious one that we all loved.
5
SPEAKER_01
You were cool for doing it, even though it took some... Back then, it was only letters.
5
SPEAKER_01
You could ignore them better.
5
SPEAKER_01
Oh, yeah, they let her, yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, we got a lot of letters about that.
5
SPEAKER_00
What was that woman s name who was the standards person?
5
SPEAKER_00
She had like an English accent.
5
SPEAKER_00
It wasn t Audrey Peart.
5
SPEAKER_00
Was she British?
5
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, Audrey Peart was British.
5
SPEAKER_03
Audrey Peart Dickman.
5
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_03
I don t know if she was exactly standards.
5
SPEAKER_00
Was it truly Peart Dickman?
5
SPEAKER_03
I believe she was Audrey Peart Dickman and she was quite a character, lovely lady.
5
SPEAKER_00
Well, I love when she would walk in, in my earliest days,
5
SPEAKER_00
I found the process so funny.
5
SPEAKER_00
She could come into Lauren s office or wherever they were for the for the notes.
5
SPEAKER_00
And she s like, and now you can you can t say balls, but you can say you can say pussy and you can t say, yeah, you can say scrotum.
5
SPEAKER_00
You can t say dick.
5
SPEAKER_00
She d have a whole list.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
And it was this woman like right out of Mary Poppins.
5
SPEAKER_00
You can t say suck or blow, but you can say fillets.
5
SPEAKER_02
You can say gobble the goo.
5
SPEAKER_02
You can t say spladoodle.
5
SPEAKER_02
You can say fisting, but you can t say anal digits.
5
SPEAKER_02
Sorry.
5
SPEAKER_01
You can say streaming ropes of jizz.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yes, you can say fisting, but you must cut the back half of the line up to the shoulder.
5
SPEAKER_00
You can t say that.
5
SPEAKER_01
Good tag.
5
SPEAKER_01
You can say squirting, but no, you can t say squirting, but you can say squirt.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, she was hysterical.
5
SPEAKER_03
So for sweaty balls, did she give you notes for sweaty balls?
5
SPEAKER_03
I mean, you know.
5
SPEAKER_03
Sweaty ball.
5
SPEAKER_03
That sounds really heavy.
5
SPEAKER_00
I just rode in their wake.
5
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I get in there with them and I thought, I don t want, literally, I d sit there and keep this stone face and do it.
5
SPEAKER_00
And people say, oh, they love that sketch.
5
SPEAKER_00
I just thought, I just have to go with them.
5
SPEAKER_00
I have to get into their frequency.
5
SPEAKER_00
And they were so soft and so sincere and everything.
5
SPEAKER_00
So I thought, just imitate them.
5
SPEAKER_00
Get into the vibe of the show.
5
SPEAKER_00
Because sometimes you do sketches, and you lose the rhythm between the live camera and the audience.
5
SPEAKER_00
One minute you re acting for the theater, and the next minute you re not.
5
SPEAKER_00
I remember one time I played a guy who gets shot to pieces in a foxhole.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s like a World War I movie.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I grabbed this guy, and I m like, Jimmy, I want you to do me a favor.
5
SPEAKER_00
Tell my wife and my kids that I love them.
5
SPEAKER_00
He s like, I will.
5
SPEAKER_00
I will, Captain.
5
SPEAKER_00
I will.
5
SPEAKER_00
And he goes to walk away going, Jimmy, pull him back.
5
SPEAKER_00
And everything I say is progressively more absurd.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m like, Jimmy, I want you to tell my brother in law that a man that s paralyzed can never be more than half a man.
5
SPEAKER_03
And it keeps escalating, yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
It keeps getting so bad.
5
SPEAKER_00
The thing is, you could never... Do you focus on that, which is cancellation now and things you could never do back then?
5
SPEAKER_03
Oh, yeah.
5
SPEAKER_03
I did an Asian character in 86.
5
SPEAKER_03
I had no idea it could never fly now.
5
SPEAKER_03
But the third time we did it, Candace Bergen was the host, and then we addressed it, and she said, well, you are a bit of a racial stereotype to me in character as this Asian character.
5
SPEAKER_03
This was 86.
5
SPEAKER_03
And even back then, it did get a little bit of noise.
5
SPEAKER_03
But I lived in San Francisco.
5
SPEAKER_03
I live near Chinatown.
5
SPEAKER_03
So I d known this guy.
5
SPEAKER_03
I talked to him occasionally.
5
SPEAKER_03
He had a pet.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s not an excuse.
5
SPEAKER_00
OK, that s that.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I live near Chinatown.
5
SPEAKER_01
You do the one 40 years ago, folks.
5
SPEAKER_01
Hold your.
5
SPEAKER_01
Did you do the one where you were a cop and you were sickened by a car and you threw up?
5
SPEAKER_00
And they ran the hoses across the stage, up our pants like me and Fallon and up my arm.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I said, kid, listen, you have to get used to bodies like this, whatever the fuck it was.
5
SPEAKER_00
And Jimmy and Jimmy, of course, was at the height of his cracking up in the middle of the stretch.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
And so he s like snickering and snickering.
5
SPEAKER_00
And finally, so he sees the body and they had us hold our hands up in this very theatrical way, because the little nub, the little nib of the pipe was coming in the palm.
5
SPEAKER_00
So Jimmy would go like this.
5
SPEAKER_00
And then this huge, like garden hose projectile vomit spray would come out and then him vomiting makes me vomit.
5
SPEAKER_00
You know what I mean?
5
SPEAKER_00
So but I want to say back to your Asian stereotype that I want to apologize.
5
SPEAKER_00
Thanks.
5
SPEAKER_00
No, no, no, no, no.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s OK.
5
SPEAKER_00
But I ll never forget, like, one of the deftest, most unbelievable things I saw on the show was when we did the Japanese game show with Chris Farm.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God.
5
SPEAKER_00
Know all about it.
5
SPEAKER_00
And fucking Mike Myers comes out and plays the Japanese game show host.
5
SPEAKER_00
I remember sitting there going, does Myers really speak Japanese?
5
SPEAKER_00
God, it was really good.
5
SPEAKER_01
How the fuck?
5
SPEAKER_00
He nailed it.
5
SPEAKER_00
It was like Olivier.
5
SPEAKER_03
Didn t he do it phonetically, like actual Japanese language?
5
SPEAKER_00
He was like Olivier.
5
SPEAKER_00
He was so brilliant in that part.
5
SPEAKER_00
And Chris, I came here to see a game show, not be on a game show.
5
SPEAKER_00
Kwaki Serpeniku.
5
SPEAKER_01
And he gets it right at the end.
5
SPEAKER_01
And Meyer s going Kwaki Serpeniku.
5
SPEAKER_01
And then they chop someone s finger off that gets it wrong.
5
SPEAKER_01
And he goes.
5
SPEAKER_01
I, I, I, again, I don t speak Japanese.
5
SPEAKER_02
I don t think I m going to do anything here.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh, and then they electrocute him.
5
SPEAKER_00
They put electrocute his balls.
5
SPEAKER_00
Then I lose.
5
SPEAKER_00
Me and Janine Garofalo lose and we chop our fingers off.
5
SPEAKER_00
They hand us the ceremony on that.
5
SPEAKER_00
And you see, you see, we re there.
5
SPEAKER_00
And Farley was like, he s like, oh, good lord.
5
SPEAKER_00
We re slicing our fingers off.
5
SPEAKER_01
Dude, that s a good all time sketch.
5
SPEAKER_01
That is such a great.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s potent.
5
SPEAKER_03
It is potent, man.
5
SPEAKER_03
I mean, it just lies.
5
SPEAKER_03
Some sketches are like that.
5
SPEAKER_03
Just like you can t you can t take a look away.
5
SPEAKER_00
Now, do you guys, I mean, this is not, don t answer this question if you don t want to.
5
SPEAKER_00
Do you tune in every now and then and watch it?
5
SPEAKER_00
I mean, as alums, do you watch it every now and then?
5
SPEAKER_03
I watch most shows, I ll be true confessional, Sunday morning when I m having coffee, and then they re all stacked.
5
SPEAKER_03
And I m able to watch, I watch the show that way.
5
SPEAKER_03
So, I mean- I m asleep by 9.30.
5
SPEAKER_03
So you ve got eight kids, seven kids.
5
SPEAKER_03
What are you up at?
5
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, you re not up that late.
5
SPEAKER_01
You can t afford a TV.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m asleep at 10.30.
5
SPEAKER_00
I can t afford an iPad, I don t care.
5
SPEAKER_01
No, Alec, I actually watch either Twitter, Instagram, one of my followers now, and what they do smartly is,
5
SPEAKER_01
every sketch as it comes out it pops on your twitter like the full sketch so the next day you can sift through and you just can watch the whole one or a chunk of update or someone s bid on update so it s it s very convenient and it still counts i mean you still get to see it i wish we had that back then if you missed the show you had to wait for a rerun for six months i believe oh sorry to interrupt just in terms of ratings i think it s the highest rated
5
SPEAKER_03
show on NBC, I mean, in prime or late night.
5
SPEAKER_00
Once they moved, once they did that live, the primetime thing on the West Coast, when they moved that to primetime and they do it live both places simultaneously, 8.30 in LA and 11.30 in New York, that changed everything.
5
SPEAKER_00
I mean, they re printing money.
5
SPEAKER_03
And they get a couple billion YouTube views or 1.6 billion last year.
5
SPEAKER_00
And as you know, isn t it funny how over the years, I mean, I m always going to
5
SPEAKER_00
you know, exalt Lauren.
5
SPEAKER_00
And he s a dear friend of mine.
5
SPEAKER_00
But it s like, how many people have tried to take him down?
5
SPEAKER_00
I mean, how many people have tried?
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh, Saturday Night Live.
5
SPEAKER_00
To shoot Saturday Night Live and get rid of Saturday Night Live and kill it off and have somebody, you know, another network.
5
SPEAKER_00
And next season, season s 49.
5
SPEAKER_00
He s a year away from his 50th season.
5
SPEAKER_03
There s no other personality that I know of, before we get to the book, the silly book.
5
SPEAKER_03
When you re at this point, looking back, you go, only Lorne could do all those frequencies.
5
SPEAKER_03
Harvard people respect his intelligence.
5
SPEAKER_03
He knows how to talk to network people.
5
SPEAKER_03
There must ve been so many times, like, let s do this pre-tape, turn it into an hour.
5
SPEAKER_03
We should change the theme, it s getting boring.
5
SPEAKER_03
I mean, he s held to this brand all these years.
5
SPEAKER_03
And that s what makes it such a seminal show in the history.
5
SPEAKER_00
But also his understanding of certain things was frequently, maybe not every instance, but his understanding of the situation was frequently so pithy.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like when I did 30 Rock, I knew one thing very early because I d done movies with people
6
SPEAKER_00
And I did movies back in the days when you had a 10 or 12 week schedule.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s not like shooting a movie in five days like now.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I was there on 30 Rock and I knew one thing.
6
SPEAKER_00
I said, she s my co star.
6
SPEAKER_00
She s the creator of the show.
6
SPEAKER_00
She s the head writer, but I m on camera.
6
SPEAKER_00
So if I have any issues about the writing, I can t talk to her.
6
SPEAKER_00
I need to go there.
6
SPEAKER_00
So I assigned Carlock that role in Beachy.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I d be going in my room and I d say, well, I don t think I want to say that.
6
SPEAKER_00
I don t think, oh, well, let s say this a little less harshly.
6
SPEAKER_00
Let s say this a little differently.
6
SPEAKER_00
And there might ve been one instance where she said to me, well, I really want you to do this as writ.
6
SPEAKER_00
Or something where it wasn t like a problem, but it was like a one moment of debate about something.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I ll never forget, we re talking one day later on and Laura goes, remember, she s German.
6
SPEAKER_02
Faye is German?
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, he goes, remember, she s German.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
And he d always say things like that.
6
SPEAKER_00
Remember, she s German.
6
SPEAKER_02
Classic Lorne.
6
SPEAKER_02
Lorne, like a lot of smart people, would take a giant subject and get it down to like four or five syllables, you know, like something like that.
6
SPEAKER_02
He s not gonna give you a 10-minute speech about temperament or whatever.
6
SPEAKER_02
Remember, she s German.
6
SPEAKER_02
No.
6
SPEAKER_01
He is the master at that.
6
SPEAKER_01
He send you flowers, send you presents.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s always a one line joke.
6
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_02
What s your favorite Lauren-ism or ones that most people know?
6
SPEAKER_02
Because I have one that I don t think everybody knows, but the classics are right or exactly.
6
SPEAKER_02
Those are the simple ones.
6
SPEAKER_00
Mine is you d be sitting there having dinner at his house and he d be talking and regaling you with stories of his real friends.
6
SPEAKER_00
Because his real friends are the ones from the original days, Steve Martin.
6
SPEAKER_00
You d say Steve.
6
SPEAKER_00
Steve.
6
SPEAKER_00
And Paul.
6
SPEAKER_00
There s two Paul.
6
SPEAKER_00
Paul.
6
SPEAKER_00
Paul.
6
SPEAKER_00
Paul.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
The other Paul.
6
SPEAKER_00
Left-handed Paul.
6
SPEAKER_02
Marty and Steve came by, and I would say that you re in that posse too.
6
SPEAKER_02
Ed Schlossberg came by, Ed Schlossberg.
6
SPEAKER_00
But my favorite thing was his recall mechanism, his groping thing, which we all have, we have a thing we use to what I call a recall mechanism.
6
SPEAKER_00
So he s telling a story.
6
SPEAKER_00
As he goes to recall, he d go, well, it s like that thing where he d say, it s like that thing.
6
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I was going to call my podcast, which is called Here s The Thing.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
We were going to call it It s Like That Thing.
6
SPEAKER_00
But then we thought we thought our other show.
6
SPEAKER_00
Now, but let me ask you this.
6
SPEAKER_00
You guys started this how long ago?
6
SPEAKER_00
You ve been doing this how many years now?
6
SPEAKER_00
No, a year and a half.
6
SPEAKER_00
Was this a COVID born thing or no?
6
SPEAKER_02
Not really.
6
SPEAKER_02
It was just that the podcasting world had gotten so, it had this bubble.
6
SPEAKER_02
It grew and it was going crazy.
6
SPEAKER_02
And then I had a little off label podcast.
6
SPEAKER_02
I was, I d had no network or any, I was doing, David came on.
6
SPEAKER_02
Damn radio.
6
SPEAKER_02
And so David and I riffing and our mutual manager.
6
SPEAKER_02
What?
6
SPEAKER_02
Goddammit, he does a good impression.
6
SPEAKER_02
Hi, Mark, if he s listening.
6
SPEAKER_02
Said, you guys should do a show, a podcast.
6
SPEAKER_02
So we just thought we d try it, you know, because we liked hanging out.
6
SPEAKER_02
I moved back down to LA after raising my kids up in Northern California, and I kept seeing David, going out to dinner with David and stuff, so.
6
SPEAKER_02
So then we thought we d try it, and then because we attached the SNL theme, we don t really know why, but for our purposes, it kind of got really big.
6
SPEAKER_02
We re like, damn.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I love that the guest list got blown away.
6
SPEAKER_00
And it used to, you two,
6
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I had an address, a different addresses rental, married to my ex wife, blah, blah, blah, blah.
6
SPEAKER_00
For 30 years from 1983 to 2013.
6
SPEAKER_00
Then after 2013, when my daughter Ireland turned 18, I didn t have a place there anymore.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I haven t had a home there.
6
SPEAKER_00
We would go out there and hotel for a while when we had, we only had a couple of kids.
6
SPEAKER_00
And my point is, I haven t been out there in forever.
6
SPEAKER_00
How is it out there now?
6
SPEAKER_00
What s it like?
6
SPEAKER_02
It s a little rough around the edges, David, as you would say.
6
SPEAKER_02
I mean, there s a huge homeless problem and a huge crime problem.
6
SPEAKER_02
And so you have to really watch yourself.
6
SPEAKER_01
They say, come for the taxes, stay for the crime.
6
SPEAKER_01
And also, it s finally sunny today.
6
SPEAKER_01
It hasn t been sunny, Alec, for six months.
6
SPEAKER_01
And if all these other things are going on, at least give us some sun.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s a little different.
6
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I just like, I m from Arizona, so I like this side of the country.
6
SPEAKER_01
I wasn t ever like an East Coast guy, but it s getting a little trickier.
6
SPEAKER_00
Did you struggle?
6
SPEAKER_00
Did you struggle in New York?
6
SPEAKER_00
You didn t like it?
6
SPEAKER_01
I liked it, it was interesting, but I didn t really feel any roots there, any home, so when we had weeks off, Farley would go to Wisconsin, Adam would go to New Hampshire, Chris Rock would go to Brooklyn, and I would just sometimes fly back home to LA and come back, but my brother was there for a while, and so I d see them.
6
SPEAKER_01
One time I saw Alec Baldwin outside, I think it was by Ollie s on the west side,
6
SPEAKER_01
And it was only after I met you once on the show.
6
SPEAKER_00
Are you saying I m fat?
6
SPEAKER_01
Are you saying I m fat?
6
SPEAKER_01
No, you were a superstar.
6
SPEAKER_01
And some guy goes, hey, squeak squawper.
6
SPEAKER_01
You said something funny.
6
SPEAKER_01
Squeaks from my act.
6
SPEAKER_01
And then you pulled your parka down and you pulled your dick out.
6
SPEAKER_01
No, you pulled your parka down.
6
SPEAKER_02
You can t say pull your dick out.
6
SPEAKER_02
You have to say reveal your penis.
6
SPEAKER_01
Dana, this is a tear-jerking story.
6
SPEAKER_01
Oh, sorry.
6
SPEAKER_01
Go ahead.
6
SPEAKER_01
Anyway, so you started jerking off and, um, no, you, uh, you pulled your, your parking down.
6
SPEAKER_01
You go, Hey, it s me, Alec from the show.
6
SPEAKER_01
I go, I know Alec.
6
SPEAKER_01
Why do you know me?
6
SPEAKER_01
So, uh, it was very, I actually wrote on that for a while.
6
SPEAKER_01
It gave me a little, uh, street cred.
6
SPEAKER_00
You know, what s funny.
6
SPEAKER_00
Was it cause I was there was when Stern and his wife,
6
SPEAKER_00
I had that benefit of the.
6
SPEAKER_00
Oh, were you there?
6
SPEAKER_00
I was there.
6
SPEAKER_00
And you fucking kill.
6
SPEAKER_00
You were so funny.
6
SPEAKER_00
You did a stand up thing for the benefit.
6
SPEAKER_00
And you were so fucking funny.
6
SPEAKER_01
I didn t even know you were there.
6
SPEAKER_02
The scary thing.
6
SPEAKER_00
You you were fantastic.
6
SPEAKER_02
How long was it?
6
SPEAKER_02
Was it a tough crowd in your mind, David?
6
SPEAKER_02
Or do you remember?
6
SPEAKER_01
You know, it was pretty nice because I started it was it was very small.
6
SPEAKER_01
It was for Beth Stern s animal.
6
SPEAKER_01
uh, foundation.
6
SPEAKER_01
And so it was kind of, it was kind of, it was really fun to do, but you know, I think Bon Jovi, John was there maybe, uh, I don t know if you saw him, but it was all, it was all a little squad out there and it was nerve wracking cause it was mostly these kinds of guys and it was, it was more fun.
6
SPEAKER_01
Oh yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
By the way, Lauren of course throws you off because
6
SPEAKER_01
They go, there s going to be an empty seat next to Lauren for Jack.
6
SPEAKER_01
So Jack might come and sit directly in front of you in the front row.
6
SPEAKER_01
And so that makes me feel sick because, you know, we ve all seen Ironweed.
6
SPEAKER_01
So I anyway, I call back.
6
SPEAKER_01
I do my act.
6
SPEAKER_01
I joke around with Beth.
6
SPEAKER_01
I make fun of her.
6
SPEAKER_01
I make fun of.
6
SPEAKER_01
And then and then I sort of got in the act at about 30, 40.
6
SPEAKER_01
But it was super fun and got to go to Lauren s after.
6
SPEAKER_00
What was the joke you made about drugs?
6
SPEAKER_00
It was something you said about scoring drugs or something you said.
6
SPEAKER_00
Oh, maybe it was- Which I literally like sharted when you said that.
6
SPEAKER_01
I don t know, I ll say it and then you ll be like, no, it wasn t that.
6
SPEAKER_00
No, tell me.
6
SPEAKER_01
It was like, I said, whenever I take drugs, my loser friends always, whenever I take any pill out of my pocket, my buddy goes, give me one.
6
SPEAKER_01
I go, you don t even know what it is.
6
SPEAKER_01
He goes, come on, dude, I m married.
6
SPEAKER_01
I go, what does that mean?
6
SPEAKER_01
I go, this one s for a sinus infection.
6
SPEAKER_01
It gives you cramps, he goes, come on, dude, I got kids, I ll take anything.
6
SPEAKER_01
So I give it to him, because he wants it to be a bike then.
6
SPEAKER_01
And then I see him cramped over a half hour later, and then he gives me the thumbs up.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s different, I ll take it.
6
SPEAKER_01
So anyway, Alec, it s not that joke, but there s a whole thing.
6
SPEAKER_00
It wasn t that joke, actually, yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
I ll send you a link to my specials.
6
SPEAKER_00
It was a better joke, it was a better joke.
6
SPEAKER_00
You fucking asshole.
6
SPEAKER_01
I knew you were gonna say that, no matter what I said.
6
SPEAKER_01
I fell into that.
6
SPEAKER_01
David has called our guest a fucking asshole.
6
SPEAKER_00
I log-rolled you, I log-rolled you.
6
SPEAKER_00
Now, so LA, where I lived, I mean, I lived in Venice.
6
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I remember, you don t know Venice, man.
6
SPEAKER_00
I remember Venice.
6
SPEAKER_02
Oh, yeah, Venice is a state you don t know, man.
6
SPEAKER_00
Venice is a beach.
6
SPEAKER_02
You don t know Venice.
6
SPEAKER_00
Venice, when they were selling LSD, the guy was on roller skates.
6
SPEAKER_00
He d be roller skating down going, Sid, Sid, I got you, Sid, I got you, Sid.
6
SPEAKER_00
And we would hang out there.
6
SPEAKER_00
I remember it was like bright lights, big city, literally.
6
SPEAKER_00
It was Jay McInerney s my neighbor.
6
SPEAKER_00
And it was like Bright Lights, big city, because I would be so fucking wasted.
6
SPEAKER_00
Remember, I always tell people, because I m 38 years old, and I don t fuck with it that much.
6
SPEAKER_00
Right.
6
SPEAKER_00
So you party pretty hard.
6
SPEAKER_00
I have my moment.
6
SPEAKER_00
But the point is that in New York, as we always discuss with people in New York, somebody else is doing the driving.
6
SPEAKER_00
You re back in the 80s, you re on your feet, you walk everywhere, 10 bars every street, taxis, no Uber then, subway, a lot of subway, and we would be fucking shit-faced every night.
6
SPEAKER_00
I go to LA and I start making money, and I m shit-faced every night behind the wheel of a car, and I get to the second,
6
SPEAKER_00
year of me doing I think I had a five liter Mustang.
6
SPEAKER_00
I met Warner Brothers and I want to go home because I m tired.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s two o clock in the morning and I m at Warner Brothers and I live in Venice.
6
SPEAKER_00
And by the time I get to the freeway going west toward the beach, I get near like, you know, one of those streets there, Centinella or whatever it is.
6
SPEAKER_00
And so and I m going to flatten out.
6
SPEAKER_00
I go.
6
SPEAKER_00
Everybody tells me this car will do blah, blah, blah.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I flatten this car out and I m doing one hundred and thirty five miles an hour.
6
SPEAKER_00
on the Santa Monica freeway at two o clock in the morning.
6
SPEAKER_00
I remember I literally thought for a moment, I stopped and I thought,
7
SPEAKER_00
a car accident now, I would just turn into a pizza.
7
SPEAKER_00
I d just become a pizza.
7
SPEAKER_00
And I said, I got to stop.
7
SPEAKER_00
So I stopped.
7
SPEAKER_00
I slowed the car down, got sober, gave the car to a friend.
7
SPEAKER_00
I gave it away.
7
SPEAKER_00
I said, you can have a friend s kid.
7
SPEAKER_00
And and the point is, is that, you know, I lived out there
7
SPEAKER_00
And I lived everywhere.
7
SPEAKER_00
I lived in the Valley, Beachwood Canyon, everywhere.
7
SPEAKER_00
And it s just so weird to me.
7
SPEAKER_00
It was such a huge part of my life.
7
SPEAKER_00
And I never go there.
7
SPEAKER_00
Never, never.
7
SPEAKER_02
Do you don t get offered work?
7
SPEAKER_00
Because here in New York.
7
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
7
SPEAKER_00
Because here in New York, it s easier here because in New York, we ve been stepping over bodies for decades here.
7
SPEAKER_00
I mean, it s no big deal to us.
7
SPEAKER_00
I mean, like, you guys are all a little precious.
7
SPEAKER_01
We got a bit of, Venice is really bad for that.
7
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I m not making fun of homeless people.
7
SPEAKER_01
They re great.
7
SPEAKER_01
You know, they re not great.
7
SPEAKER_00
I d be up all night.
7
SPEAKER_00
and the sun s coming up and then you hear the sand gratings out of the beach.
7
SPEAKER_00
Then you d hear the power washers where they would wash all the filth off the benches on the oceanfront walk in a truck with a tank on it.
7
SPEAKER_00
By the time you woke up on Monday afternoon, because you ve been sleeping all morning because you were so fucked up, you go out on the beach and everything was gleaming.
7
SPEAKER_00
It was like the little window.
7
SPEAKER_00
Monday afternoon and Tuesday during the day, the Venice was like fresh and new.
7
SPEAKER_00
I loved living at that slum.
7
SPEAKER_00
But I never go.
7
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
7
SPEAKER_01
Because people still, I mean, there s a lot of parts are nice.
7
SPEAKER_00
Not getting specific.
7
SPEAKER_00
Where are you?
7
SPEAKER_00
Are you west or are you east?
7
SPEAKER_01
I ll just give you the latitude and longitude.
7
SPEAKER_01
Centralized.
7
SPEAKER_01
I m pretty much in Hollywood and the hill a bit.
7
SPEAKER_01
It s not even Beverly Hills anymore.
7
SPEAKER_01
As my dad said, kind of sliding down the old fame ladder, huh?
7
SPEAKER_01
If you were, but my dad is supportive.
7
SPEAKER_00
Jason Schwartzman had the best line.
7
SPEAKER_00
I did a commercial with him.
7
SPEAKER_00
It s absolutely a horrible commercial.
7
SPEAKER_00
And I fell in love with him.
7
SPEAKER_00
He s such a sweetie that we did it.
7
SPEAKER_00
We did it.
7
SPEAKER_00
We did a commercial for Amazon Alexa, and it was the biggest fucking waste of my time.
7
SPEAKER_00
But I loved him.
7
SPEAKER_00
And I turned him and I go and I and I forgot when I knew who his mom was.
7
SPEAKER_00
But I just went out of my head for a minute.
7
SPEAKER_00
I go, where did you go up?
7
SPEAKER_00
And you saw this pause like he was a kind of shame and he was kind of awkward.
7
SPEAKER_00
And I go, where did you go up?
7
SPEAKER_00
And he goes,
7
SPEAKER_00
Westwood, north of Sunset.
7
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, you got to clarify.
7
SPEAKER_01
I m in Sunset Plaza, which is fully fucked.
7
SPEAKER_00
I know Sunset Plaza.
7
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it s nice.
7
SPEAKER_01
I mean, parts of it.
7
SPEAKER_01
And I have a tenth of an acre.
7
SPEAKER_01
I m not doing too bad.
7
SPEAKER_01
It s actually well, it s it s quite like land.
7
SPEAKER_01
It s a nice house.
7
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, but no, it s good.
7
SPEAKER_01
Alec, what about that?
7
SPEAKER_01
What did he I don t know if he knows about that book.
7
SPEAKER_01
Burn it down.
7
SPEAKER_01
Did you hear that?
7
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I mean, yeah, the one where the woman is attacking everybody.
7
SPEAKER_00
Listen, I mean, I ve been attacked.
7
SPEAKER_00
You know, I ve had people attack me.
7
SPEAKER_02
Oh, yeah.
7
SPEAKER_00
And it s always the same tired.
7
SPEAKER_00
And I mean, let s face it, as you as you get older, you realize some of it I brought on myself, some of it not.
7
SPEAKER_00
And you must always tell yourself it s hard, but you must always tell yourself that tired trope, which is considered the source.
7
SPEAKER_00
So like if like if I said, if Letterman made fun of me,
7
SPEAKER_00
If Ellen DeGeneres, somebody I admire, Chris Rock made fun of me, then I d really be upset.
7
SPEAKER_00
I d be sad.
7
SPEAKER_00
But some of the people that over the years, especially recently, that have attacked me are people who I don t think are funny.
7
SPEAKER_00
They don t have any talent.
7
SPEAKER_00
They re just a bile duct of hatred for people online and so forth.
7
SPEAKER_00
So it s like I really doesn t bother.
7
SPEAKER_00
They re not anybody who I give them too much.
7
SPEAKER_00
Because I ve been around people, I gave that image to you, David, of the log rolling thing.
7
SPEAKER_00
You know, I did early.
7
SPEAKER_00
I did Letterman in when he was doing the old show on NBC late at night.
7
SPEAKER_00
And he could just gut you.
7
SPEAKER_00
He was so clever.
7
SPEAKER_00
Sure.
7
SPEAKER_00
And so quick.
7
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
7
SPEAKER_00
And you and you were very, very, you know, when everything you said was what I call red wire, green wire.
7
SPEAKER_00
it s like in the old episodes of Mission Impossible where it s like the guys here is like, which wire do I cut?
7
SPEAKER_00
The red wire or the green wire to defuse the bomb?
7
SPEAKER_00
When you re caught with a decision, a quick decision that could be fatal, we always say red wire, green wire, my friends and I, and it s like, with Letterman, it was like, you know, don t, he s going to kill you.
7
SPEAKER_00
He s in a log room.
7
SPEAKER_00
And there s a handful of people who I ve met
7
SPEAKER_00
who are just that witty and that quick, like Spain.
7
SPEAKER_00
I mean, Spain is so quick, you know, and it s and Tina, you know, and it s just.
7
SPEAKER_00
But when those people did me in, it s a little bit more disconcerting.
7
SPEAKER_00
But there s a lot of them where you sit there and go, is that all you got?
7
SPEAKER_01
And I mean, it s like, well, it s a weird from a fun place and some feel really going after.
7
SPEAKER_01
And that s the difference.
7
SPEAKER_01
Like I ve made fun of people on Hollywood Minute and stuff.
7
SPEAKER_01
I, and I like 99% of them.
7
SPEAKER_01
Uh, I don t do it as much anymore, but when I make fun of people, it s usually with more of a spin and fun, but sometimes it feels too rough, you know, and you go, that one is sort of directly at someone.
7
SPEAKER_01
And that s tougher to take because people, I m just saying, I, when people make fun of me, I don t like it as much as when I make fun of them.
7
SPEAKER_00
Well, it s funny how we all know we re all we re all old enough to know, especially me.
7
SPEAKER_00
I m a bit older than you guys.
7
SPEAKER_00
No, no, I m older than you.
7
SPEAKER_02
We ll get to that later.
7
SPEAKER_02
I m sixty five.
7
SPEAKER_02
How old are you?
7
SPEAKER_02
Eight.
7
SPEAKER_02
Sixty eight.
7
SPEAKER_02
You re like a kid.
7
SPEAKER_02
No.
7
SPEAKER_02
Are you fucking kidding me?
7
SPEAKER_02
You re like a kid to me.
7
SPEAKER_02
You re like a baby in a crib.
7
SPEAKER_02
You re like a high school student.
7
SPEAKER_00
But you sound like a child.
7
SPEAKER_00
I mean, you sound like a child all the time.
7
SPEAKER_00
You should see this wiener.
7
SPEAKER_00
You sound like an Asian child.
7
SPEAKER_00
Every impression is Asian.
7
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
7
SPEAKER_00
Do the Asian child.
7
SPEAKER_00
But you guys know, looking back, because we all started devouring content
7
SPEAKER_00
whatever it was.
7
SPEAKER_00
I started devouring the old Warner Brothers gangster movies when I was 10 years old.
7
SPEAKER_00
I watched Dean Martin Rose.
7
SPEAKER_00
I wasn t going to watch.
7
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I watched TV up to a certain point.
7
SPEAKER_00
I watched series TV until a certain era.
7
SPEAKER_00
I watched The Munsters and Gilligan s Island and The Beverly Hillbillies and all this other shit.
7
SPEAKER_00
And I watched Mr. Ed and The Ed Sullivan Show and Candid Camera when I was a little boy.
7
SPEAKER_00
Then when we get to what I call the Aaron spelling epoch, I turned off TV.
7
SPEAKER_00
I didn t watch it.
7
SPEAKER_00
I watched one show, Love Boat.
7
SPEAKER_00
Oh, that s the hotel which I was on, actually.
7
SPEAKER_00
Oh, but the hotel with James Brolin.
7
SPEAKER_00
But the gag is that, you know, I watched one show when I was like in high school and I was I was a teenager.
7
SPEAKER_00
I smoke a big fatty out the window of my bedroom and I watch Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman.
7
SPEAKER_00
I was addicted to that show.
7
SPEAKER_00
I started getting more into movies.
7
SPEAKER_00
But my point is, is that we all know from watching Dean Martin Rose and things that when Rickles would attack people,
7
SPEAKER_00
Everybody was in on the gag, and he always ended it with a little dollop of love, a little P.S.
7
SPEAKER_00
I love you, you know what I mean?
7
SPEAKER_00
When Joan Rivers would do her thing, which she could just eviscerate, she did a lot of it to their faces.
7
SPEAKER_00
There s a clip online of her just
7
SPEAKER_00
pissing in the face of all the hosts of The View and saying things about them.
7
SPEAKER_00
It s the funniest thing you ve ever seen in your life.
7
SPEAKER_00
But same with her.
7
SPEAKER_00
She knew they were in on the gag, and sometimes not, but she was, she was good at it.
7
SPEAKER_00
But there s other people now, who I ve seen recently, a couple lately, where it just, there is no bottom.
7
SPEAKER_00
I mean, there is normally there was a bottom.
7
SPEAKER_00
And now there is no bottom.
7
SPEAKER_00
They will say anything.
7
SPEAKER_00
They will say anything.
7
SPEAKER_00
That s kind of,
7
SPEAKER_02
Well, we re in the era of, this is maybe the biggest cliche, but if it s outrageous, it s contagious.
7
SPEAKER_02
So people, you know, how do you be outrageous?
7
SPEAKER_02
How do you get attention?
7
SPEAKER_02
How do you trend?
7
SPEAKER_02
How do you make noise?
7
SPEAKER_02
You know, and it kind of dovetails into these things.
7
SPEAKER_02
This is why I m quitting.
7
SPEAKER_00
I m retiring.
7
SPEAKER_02
I m retiring.
7
SPEAKER_02
I m done.
7
SPEAKER_02
We got if we finally are we going to trend?
7
SPEAKER_02
We don t we never trend.
7
SPEAKER_00
We never tiring.
7
SPEAKER_00
Thank you.
7
SPEAKER_00
I ve got a I ve got a couple of projects that I m attached to.
7
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
7
SPEAKER_00
And I m going to do these projects.
7
SPEAKER_00
And then I really I realize I ve gone from covid.
7
SPEAKER_00
And then, of course, a very difficult period of what happened in New Mexico, where I was kind of cloistered.
7
SPEAKER_00
I have, I have been home with my kids and left.
7
SPEAKER_00
I either shot in New York, I filmed in New York, or I went away almost never, I go like a week and come back maybe twice a year.
7
SPEAKER_00
I ve been home with my kids.
7
SPEAKER_00
And I drive my kids to school every day.
7
SPEAKER_00
My four oldest ones go to school together out in Brooklyn, they go to a full language immersion program in Brooklyn in Spanish.
7
SPEAKER_00
And I m with my kids.
7
SPEAKER_00
And it s like, I rode my kayak into this current.
7
SPEAKER_00
And I can t get out.
7
SPEAKER_00
Like, I don t want to miss being with my family, being with my wife, being with my kids.
7
SPEAKER_00
I mean, you ve got to offer me the check or you ve got to give me the towering creative opportunity.
7
SPEAKER_00
Or I m like, I don t fucking care anymore.
7
SPEAKER_00
Like, I ve done that.
7
SPEAKER_00
Acting is something which I don t have the same feeling.
7
SPEAKER_00
My kids all have a very, very my kids are New York, you know, so there s a really kind of a there s a Pesci ask De Niro, ask Pacino.
7
SPEAKER_00
They re tough kids.
7
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
7
SPEAKER_00
No, they re tough.
7
SPEAKER_00
And my son, Romeo, who s the most beatific.
7
SPEAKER_00
I mean, if I used to look at pictures of my son, Romeo online, he s absolutely the most beautiful boy you ve ever seen.
7
SPEAKER_00
And we re in the last summer.
7
SPEAKER_00
We re in the playroom.
7
SPEAKER_00
And I say, listen, pal, we re going to go have dinner.
8
SPEAKER_00
I go, leave the toys here.
8
SPEAKER_00
So leave the puzzles and the toys here.
8
SPEAKER_00
We re going to go have dinner.
8
SPEAKER_00
And then because when you bring the toys with you, you don t.
8
SPEAKER_00
So let s leave the toys here.
8
SPEAKER_00
And then after dinner, we ll come back and play with the toys.
8
SPEAKER_00
And he stares at me.
8
SPEAKER_00
It s like an Eastwood movie.
8
SPEAKER_00
He stares at me.
8
SPEAKER_00
He goes.
8
SPEAKER_00
You re a bitch.
8
SPEAKER_00
And I literally start to hyperventilate.
8
SPEAKER_00
I started to I started to grab my chest and I go, what did you say?
8
SPEAKER_00
And he doubles down.
8
SPEAKER_00
He goes.
8
SPEAKER_00
I ll call you a bitch.
8
SPEAKER_00
Like, you know, I see your bitch and I raise you one bitch.
8
SPEAKER_00
I call my wife in the room and you realize they get all this on YouTube.
8
SPEAKER_00
So we we have their pads filtered.
8
SPEAKER_00
But if they get a hold of my pad and they go on my safari and they go and watch, you know, they re you know, they re watching a good movie called You a Bitch.
8
SPEAKER_00
What?
8
SPEAKER_00
They re watching that new series on Netflix, You a Bitch.
8
SPEAKER_01
I call you a bitch.
8
SPEAKER_01
So he sees that somewhere, and now he s using it with you, which is very ballsy.
8
SPEAKER_01
Sorry, but what age and what size is this human being when he calls you the bitch?
8
SPEAKER_02
Can you take him?
8
SPEAKER_00
Age and size.
8
SPEAKER_00
He s a little, he s the size of a Tootsie Roll.
8
SPEAKER_00
He s a fucking kid.
8
SPEAKER_00
I have things for dinner bigger than him, you know what I mean?
8
SPEAKER_00
It s like he s... No, but my sons are... My son Rafael just turned eight.
8
SPEAKER_00
He s getting taller and lankier.
8
SPEAKER_00
My son Leo is seven.
8
SPEAKER_00
My son Romeo is five.
8
SPEAKER_00
And my son Eduardo is two and a half.
8
SPEAKER_00
He ll be three in September.
8
SPEAKER_00
But my point is that it s like watching human development in real time, being around them, watching them change, watching them try to tell a joke,
8
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
8
SPEAKER_00
For the first time, trying to be funny.
8
SPEAKER_00
Oh yeah.
8
SPEAKER_00
To watch when they have some real generosity between them, when they re really together as a unit and they love each other, when it s not a Hagler-Herns here on Friday night.
8
SPEAKER_00
It s just something that s very hard for me to give up.
8
SPEAKER_00
So I mean, I want to work, but I hate to leave.
8
SPEAKER_01
Those are nice moments, yeah.
8
SPEAKER_02
It s getting to know a human being from the inside out.
8
SPEAKER_01
Now, Spain, you have you said you have a daughter.
8
SPEAKER_01
How old is she?
8
SPEAKER_01
Fourteen.
8
SPEAKER_01
She s 14.
8
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
8
SPEAKER_01
And you raised her in L.A.
8
SPEAKER_01
No, she s in she s in the Midwest.
8
SPEAKER_01
She doesn t live with me.
8
SPEAKER_01
We ll do a side chat.
8
SPEAKER_01
She doesn t live with me, but we- You can DM later.
8
SPEAKER_01
But she s great, and I m seeing her next week.
8
SPEAKER_01
So I see her a lot, it s just, it s not the perfect, typical situation.
8
SPEAKER_00
I ve been there, I ve been there.
8
SPEAKER_00
You know what I mean?
8
SPEAKER_00
My daughter Ireland just had a baby, so I occupy that rare space.
8
SPEAKER_00
Oh, she did?
8
SPEAKER_00
My daughter Ireland had a little girl named Holland, and that s a tradition in my family, naming our children after countries and regions of the world.
8
SPEAKER_01
You know, Alec, I talked to Ireland once, I think she was about eight,
8
SPEAKER_01
She called you a bitch?
8
SPEAKER_01
She said you re a bitch?
8
SPEAKER_01
She called me, and then she hung up.
8
SPEAKER_01
I called you a bitch.
8
SPEAKER_01
But I had caller ID.
8
SPEAKER_01
No, Kim, I worked out where Kim did, and she had just seen The Emperor s New Groove, an old cartoon movie I did.
8
SPEAKER_01
And she said, would you call Ireland as the llama?
8
SPEAKER_01
I always played a llama.
8
SPEAKER_01
It s online, I ll send you a link.
8
SPEAKER_01
So I call, because Ireland s just a little kid that likes that movie, so she talked to me, like, I don t even know what I m saying.
8
SPEAKER_01
But anyway, you get it.
8
SPEAKER_01
It s called I m a Great Guy, whatever, that s the moral of the story.
8
SPEAKER_00
Don t you love doing animation?
8
SPEAKER_00
Oh yeah, I always do.
8
SPEAKER_00
And I ll say this without an ounce of irony or sarcasm.
8
SPEAKER_00
People say to me, what do you think is the greatest movie you ever were in?
8
SPEAKER_00
What s the best movie you ve ever made? 
8
SPEAKER_00
And I, without hands, and I go, Boss Baby.
8
SPEAKER_00
Boss Baby is the best movie I ve ever made.
8
SPEAKER_00
I had more fun.
8
SPEAKER_00
Those guys, because as you know, the concept, the one line on it is, that animation is so thrilling because, and your imagination, keep up with technology.
8
SPEAKER_00
Because you can do anything.
8
SPEAKER_00
What have you got?
8
SPEAKER_01
So great.
8
SPEAKER_00
I would do Tom McGrath, who directed and do those things and does a lot of voices in Madagascar, did The Penguin in Madagascar.
8
SPEAKER_00
I mean, Tom McGrath, he made me fucking cry.
8
SPEAKER_00
I had more fun doing the first boss, and the second one too, but the first one was like the first one, so it was so great.
8
SPEAKER_00
I love doing animation.
8
SPEAKER_00
Love, love, love, love.
8
SPEAKER_01
I think Boss Baby was funnier than it was supposed to be, because I heard so much about it.
8
SPEAKER_01
It was like, you never know with those things, you know, you do it.
8
SPEAKER_00
But the art, I mean, I remember sitting in this room, I m in my kid s playroom.
8
SPEAKER_00
I m in my kid s playroom right now, because the only room that s quiet because they re not here.
8
SPEAKER_00
And I remember doing Boss Baby, and like a year later, because I never watched my own films, I can t stand and watch my own films.
8
SPEAKER_00
And I almost never do.
8
SPEAKER_00
And so but I m sitting with my kids and they want to watch Boston and I watch and I can start getting tears in my eyes.
8
SPEAKER_00
And I call Tom.
8
SPEAKER_00
I go, Tom, this movie is so beautifully done, like the artwork.
8
SPEAKER_00
I mean, they do.
8
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
8
SPEAKER_00
And the artwork is so I mean, those guys, they blew my mind.
8
SPEAKER_00
You do still do a lot of that, Dana.
8
SPEAKER_00
Any.
8
SPEAKER_02
I did a couple of Secret Life of Pets.
8
SPEAKER_02
First one was huge, second one didn t do so good, but I have a ride at Universal.
8
SPEAKER_02
They basically asked me to do the grumpy old man as a dog.
8
SPEAKER_02
I don t like the way things are.
8
SPEAKER_02
So I was a basset hound and I had wheels for hind legs.
8
SPEAKER_02
He was sort of crippled, but I just randomly, this is a complete non sequitur, two of my favorite performances of movie stars, and they re very operatic.
8
SPEAKER_02
They re theatrical.
8
SPEAKER_02
One is Robert Shaw as Quint and Jaws.
8
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
8
SPEAKER_02
The bookend is Al Pacino as Scarface.
8
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
8
SPEAKER_02
Those are both operatic, rhythmic things that just really have always stuck with me.
8
SPEAKER_02
And both movies, by the way, too, are just- Now your boys, you have two boys.
8
SPEAKER_02
Two boys, yes.
8
SPEAKER_02
And how old are they now?
8
SPEAKER_02
29 and 31.
8
SPEAKER_02
And are any of them in the biz?
8
SPEAKER_02
One is, it has a production company and he s doing stuff.
8
SPEAKER_02
I ve done stuff with both of them, a scripted podcast called The Weird Place.
8
SPEAKER_02
So they ve been trundling along.
8
SPEAKER_02
They ve done some standup.
8
SPEAKER_02
I think my youngest is really, it sounds, he wants to be a farmer.
8
SPEAKER_02
Which I love.
8
SPEAKER_02
I mean, really cross pollinating and growing.
8
SPEAKER_00
Where is he?
8
SPEAKER_02
Where is he?
8
SPEAKER_02
He s up here at the farm.
8
SPEAKER_02
He s at Farm Aid.
8
SPEAKER_02
He s at the farm.
8
SPEAKER_02
You re into location.
8
SPEAKER_01
We are exactly.
8
SPEAKER_01
No, Alec knows L.A.
8
SPEAKER_01
and he misses it.
8
SPEAKER_01
He has to come out.
8
SPEAKER_02
I just want on this subject, because I love movies so much, but I just want to say a movie of yours that there s two here that are on our dial for my wife and I.
8
SPEAKER_02
the the edge anytime relatives come oh we re gonna watch it we re gonna watch a movie and if they haven t seen the edge because i ll you and anthony my favorite movie my favorite movie my favorite movie to shoot because when i was in i was on vacation with my ex-wife
8
SPEAKER_00
I d flown to LA and done a read through with Mamet.
8
SPEAKER_00
Mamet wrote the script.
8
SPEAKER_00
It was called Bookworm originally.
8
SPEAKER_00
It was much more, it was much more Baroque before they changed it.
8
SPEAKER_00
And David wrote the screenplay.
8
SPEAKER_00
And we go do a reading and De Niro was going to play the lead.
8
SPEAKER_00
Oh.
8
SPEAKER_00
And the character is named Charles Morse, and he s the scion of a very wealthy English family, whatever, very rich guy.
8
SPEAKER_00
And I think that De Niro realized that he was more Stavros Niarchos than he was Charles Morse.
8
SPEAKER_00
So he was not a off the Mayflower type.
8
SPEAKER_00
So he bowed out.
8
SPEAKER_00
And I m on vacation with my ex-wife, and the phone rings, and they said they got Tony Hopkins to play the lead.
8
SPEAKER_00
And I burst out sobbing.
8
SPEAKER_00
I thought, my greatest dream to work with Tony.
8
SPEAKER_00
So we go off to the Canadian Rockies, and we shoot it up in Banff.
8
SPEAKER_00
And I have so many memories.
8
SPEAKER_00
Harold Perrin was in Lost.
8
SPEAKER_00
He played.
8
SPEAKER_00
There were two great lines, none of them by me.
8
SPEAKER_00
So Harold Perrin gets to rehearsal, and he sits at the table.
8
SPEAKER_00
We re going to rehearse in this hotel ballroom thing they had, conference room.
8
SPEAKER_00
And Harold Perrin sits there and he goes, Anthony Hopkins, Alec Baldwin, and me.
8
SPEAKER_00
I wonder which one the bears going to eat first.
8
SPEAKER_00
And he was fun.
8
SPEAKER_00
And then Tony and I, because he s from the same town as Bert.
8
SPEAKER_02
of course, he s a great Welsh- Richard Burton with that, yeah, Welsh- Richard Burton.
8
SPEAKER_00
He s great with the Welsh.
8
SPEAKER_00
He s a great Welshman raised and trained by the, at the foot of Olivier at the National.
8
SPEAKER_00
He could do his, so we would do dueling Burton s.
8
SPEAKER_00
We would do dueling impersonations of Richard Burton.
8
SPEAKER_00
And Tony, and Tony won.
8
SPEAKER_00
He, the crew applauded him at the lunch table as he did his, we would go back and forth sometimes.
8
SPEAKER_00
And finally he got it down to a haiku.
8
SPEAKER_00
And he looked at me, he did, he looked at me and he goes, he goes, I can t do it.
8
SPEAKER_00
Elizabeth would be it, right?
8
SPEAKER_00
No, he did.
8
SPEAKER_00
He literally, he goes, he goes, Elizabeth, baubles and stones.
8
SPEAKER_00
He goes, Elizabeth, baubles and stones, white wine, Marbella.
8
SPEAKER_00
And then he plants his face and that s when he passes out into his lunch tray.
8
SPEAKER_00
And everybody went, that s it.
8
SPEAKER_00
It s over.
8
SPEAKER_00
He s the winner.
8
SPEAKER_00
He s the victor.
8
SPEAKER_02
I had the same thing with him.
8
SPEAKER_02
I did a movie that was not well-received, Roe DeWelville.
8
SPEAKER_00
What d you do?
8
SPEAKER_02
Roe DeWelville with Anthony Hopkins.
8
SPEAKER_02
I love Roe DeWelville.
8
SPEAKER_02
It was unique.
8
SPEAKER_00
I love Roe DeWelville.
8
SPEAKER_02
Interesting.
8
SPEAKER_02
I love that.
8
SPEAKER_02
I was the Ne er-do-well son.
9
SPEAKER_01
but I got to hang out with him and do stuff with him and loved him, love him now.
9
SPEAKER_01
Parker, Parker, right?
9
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah, Alan Parker.
9
SPEAKER_01
Alan Parker, I love Rogue Tomorrow, I love it.
9
SPEAKER_02
You know what, I always used to embarrass myself.
9
SPEAKER_02
Whenever you love a movie that the star considers a misfire, and I always say that, whenever I see Hanks, I say, I love Joe versus the volcano.
9
SPEAKER_02
And was it, yeah, fine.
9
SPEAKER_02
And he s like, oh, okay, like he doesn t really know what to do with that.
9
SPEAKER_02
What was the other movie you were going to mention, The Edge and what?
9
SPEAKER_01
Well, The Edge and then another one that just is it s complicated.
9
SPEAKER_01
I just thought I thought you were just so funny in that.
9
SPEAKER_01
I mean, you really went I mean, it was hysterical.
9
SPEAKER_02
Well, I always carry Nancy Myers asked me to do that.
9
SPEAKER_02
She said to me,
9
SPEAKER_02
She said, do you care that Meryl is nine years older than you when you prepare to play her love interest in a film?
9
SPEAKER_02
And she goes, because the men do it all the time.
9
SPEAKER_02
Men have leading ladies that are far younger than them, and they seem to get away with it.
9
SPEAKER_02
And she s going on and on and on about it.
9
SPEAKER_02
And I go, I said, Nancy, I said, my character doesn t want to bang his ex-wife.
9
SPEAKER_02
I said, my character is still in love with this.
9
SPEAKER_02
So that s a huge difference.
9
SPEAKER_02
And I said, and so to fall in love with Meryl is probably the easiest thing I m ever going to do.
9
SPEAKER_02
I mean, like, I m going to steal your money.
9
SPEAKER_02
And I get on the set.
9
SPEAKER_02
And Meryl really was like, like, among the most amazing people I ve ever met.
9
SPEAKER_02
She s sexy.
9
SPEAKER_02
Now, both of you named someone before we run out of time here.
9
SPEAKER_02
Before we run out of time here.
9
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, we re going to go as long as we want.
9
SPEAKER_01
No, go on.
9
SPEAKER_02
What s your question?
9
SPEAKER_02
Name somebody you both worked with that really was just a joy in any venue, movies, TV.
9
SPEAKER_02
Oh, that was a joy?
9
SPEAKER_02
Did you love George Segal?
9
SPEAKER_02
I did love George Clooney.
9
SPEAKER_00
I love him.
9
SPEAKER_00
I love him.
9
SPEAKER_00
He can t help, but he had everyone around his finger.
9
SPEAKER_00
You know, he s such a luck out.
9
SPEAKER_00
And he used to make so much fun of me because when, if I would miss a line or something, he d look at the audience and go,
9
SPEAKER_00
You know, I used to do movies with Elizabeth Taylor.
9
SPEAKER_00
Now I work with this fuck up.
9
SPEAKER_00
Exactly, exactly.
9
SPEAKER_00
So funny.
9
SPEAKER_01
That s like Mickey Rooney.
9
SPEAKER_01
Mickey was eccentric and stuff.
9
SPEAKER_01
I would say just where I was in my life being cast as the third lead with Burt Lancaster and Kirk Douglas s last movie, not a great movie, but to hang out with them.
9
SPEAKER_01
Which movie?
9
SPEAKER_01
It s called Tough Guys.
9
SPEAKER_02
I know you did.
9
SPEAKER_02
You ever hear my story about that movie?
9
SPEAKER_02
No, you have stories about tough guys.
9
SPEAKER_02
Spade, what do you mean?
9
SPEAKER_02
A dog biscuit or a Girl Scout cookie?
9
SPEAKER_02
You re telling a story.
9
SPEAKER_02
Don t worry about me.
9
SPEAKER_01
He s got it.
9
SPEAKER_01
But he s up in glycemic, so he s got he s got to eat everything out.
9
SPEAKER_02
Like no way.
9
SPEAKER_02
Like Sherry said in the podcast, yeah, it was your turn to pick your turn to pay at Fiorello s.
9
SPEAKER_02
And the waitress says your friend is passed out in the bathroom.
9
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
9
SPEAKER_02
Sherry was one of my favorites.
9
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
9
SPEAKER_01
So go ahead.
9
SPEAKER_02
Famous story.
9
SPEAKER_02
The guy brings the stack, the PA brings a stack of glossies, knocks on the door.
9
SPEAKER_02
Hands the stack glossies to Burt Lancaster, hands him a pen.
9
SPEAKER_02
Burt Lancaster signs the glossies, he goes, that doesn t look very good.
9
SPEAKER_02
Do you have another pen?
9
SPEAKER_02
Do you have a Sharpie?
9
SPEAKER_02
And the guy goes, yes, yes.
9
SPEAKER_02
So he signs, Burt Lancaster.
9
SPEAKER_02
He signs all the glossies.
9
SPEAKER_02
And so the guy takes the pen, the regular pen, trots over to
9
SPEAKER_02
Kirk Douglas s trailer, hands him the glasses.
9
SPEAKER_02
He signs to Kirk Douglas and he sees how scrawny it is next to Burt s name.
9
SPEAKER_02
And he goes, do you have the other pen?
9
SPEAKER_02
Can you go get the other pen for me?
9
SPEAKER_02
And he goes running back to Burt Lancaster s trailer, knocks on the door and Burt Lancaster comes out.
9
SPEAKER_02
Burt Lancaster comes to the door with a Sharpie and says, I suppose you re looking for this.
9
SPEAKER_02
He knew.
9
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, they had a competition.
9
SPEAKER_02
They knew each other.
9
SPEAKER_02
They knew each other.
9
SPEAKER_02
I saw him when they did the concert version, because here for years, they ve had great success at city center with on course, the on course program where Chicago was birthed from there.
9
SPEAKER_02
And they do all the shows concert style, they re not going to get a full production in New York again, but boys from Syracuse, Fiorello, all that.
9
SPEAKER_02
So the seasons
9
SPEAKER_02
for years and years and years.
9
SPEAKER_02
And I used to be on the board of City Center with Joanne Woodward.
9
SPEAKER_02
She corralled me to do that, her and Paul.
9
SPEAKER_02
And the season, so they decided to try to do that in L.A.
9
SPEAKER_02
And it was called Reprise.
9
SPEAKER_02
And they did this beautiful, wonderful musical rendition of All About Eve.
9
SPEAKER_02
And Stockard Channing played the Margot, Stockard Channing played the Margot Channing role, the Betty Diggs.
9
SPEAKER_02
Callista Flockhart played Eve.
9
SPEAKER_02
Um, uh, what s his name?
9
SPEAKER_02
Why am I blanking out?
9
SPEAKER_00
Allie McEve.
9
SPEAKER_02
All right.
9
SPEAKER_02
I wouldn t know what s his name.
9
SPEAKER_02
Tim, Tim.
9
SPEAKER_02
Rocky hard.
9
SPEAKER_01
Tim Robertson.
9
SPEAKER_01
Tim Curry.
9
SPEAKER_01
Tim Curry.
9
SPEAKER_02
Tim Curry played the George Sanders role.
9
SPEAKER_02
I mean, the cast was fucking unbelievable.
9
SPEAKER_02
But the opening of it was this big, gigantic, tufted,
9
SPEAKER_02
I want to say sheds or a bed and the curtains part.
9
SPEAKER_02
And the thing is moving toward the audience.
9
SPEAKER_02
And it s Kirk Douglas is the narrator.
9
SPEAKER_02
Wow.
9
SPEAKER_02
Sitting on this bed.
9
SPEAKER_02
And what a way to open a fucking show.
9
SPEAKER_02
And he d already had a stroke.
9
SPEAKER_01
He d had a stroke.
9
SPEAKER_02
So his voice was not that bad, but he was impaired.
9
SPEAKER_02
But you didn t care.
9
SPEAKER_02
You re just sitting there going, oh, my God, the opening of the show is fucking Kirk Douglas, who I worship.
9
SPEAKER_02
Worship.
9
SPEAKER_02
I worship as he was one of the few
9
SPEAKER_02
movie stars who was also a great actor.
9
SPEAKER_01
Those guys had their own production companies.
9
SPEAKER_01
They do their sort of art film and then they do the studio film.
9
SPEAKER_01
I mean, they were really for... And just sitting, listening to them and the way they teased each other, it was very... That was me out of body.
9
SPEAKER_01
I m in a movie with Kirk Douglas and Berlinger.
9
SPEAKER_01
It doesn t make sense.
9
SPEAKER_01
This was a year before I got SNL.
9
SPEAKER_02
You know, my other favorite Kirk Douglas story is he apparently he s on the set of like whatever the movie was, him and Wayne with John Ford, the war wagon.
9
SPEAKER_02
Something, I ll look it up.
9
SPEAKER_02
The War Wagon.
9
SPEAKER_02
They re on the set of a movie and Kirk Douglas walks up to John Wayne and he says, The War Wagon.
9
SPEAKER_01
I think it s The War Wagon.
9
SPEAKER_01
Dave is so proud.
9
SPEAKER_01
Wasn t it The War Wagon they starred in or was that William Holden?
9
SPEAKER_01
Sorry, I know it was Kirk Douglas.
9
SPEAKER_01
I thought.
9
SPEAKER_01
You can look it up.
9
SPEAKER_01
Look it up.
9
SPEAKER_01
The War Wagon.
9
SPEAKER_01
John Wayne.
9
SPEAKER_00
Alex still trying to figure out how to spell Nicholson.
9
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
9
SPEAKER_00
He s Googling again, everyone.
9
SPEAKER_01
He s going to logroll you.
9
SPEAKER_00
He s going to logroll you.
9
SPEAKER_00
While Alec does this, I ll say, Dana, he s the only one of two people with a standing invitation every year to host SNL.
9
SPEAKER_02
Not anymore.
9
SPEAKER_02
Why not?
9
SPEAKER_02
Not anymore.
9
SPEAKER_02
I mean, once I did the, it s War Wagon, you little bitch.
9
SPEAKER_00
You little bitch.
9
SPEAKER_01
You little bitch.
9
SPEAKER_01
I ll call you a bitch.
9
SPEAKER_01
We watched a lot of movies in our house, Alec.
9
SPEAKER_01
Fuck.
9
SPEAKER_01
Lots of movies.
9
SPEAKER_02
I ll call you a bitch.
9
SPEAKER_01
I like war wagons.
9
SPEAKER_01
There s nothing like a wagon for war.
9
SPEAKER_01
Do you remember what the plot was?
9
SPEAKER_01
It was a war, you could put stuff in it, it was impenetrable.
9
SPEAKER_01
No one could.
9
SPEAKER_01
Who directed it?
9
SPEAKER_01
Who directed In Harm s Way?
9
SPEAKER_01
Premature.
9
SPEAKER_01
Premature, yes.
9
SPEAKER_01
I saw that recently.
9
SPEAKER_00
Jesus, we re going back.
9
SPEAKER_00
I m too young for this convo.
9
SPEAKER_01
Could I just insert while you keep looking here, because this is just to embarrass Alec.
9
SPEAKER_00
Alec was in Beetlejuice.
9
SPEAKER_01
He s incredibly philanthropic.
9
SPEAKER_01
based on what I read in terms of really being incredibly generous with his money.
9
SPEAKER_01
So anyway, that s just something that s nice to say.
9
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
9
SPEAKER_02
Not that you, well, you know, I would do shows.
9
SPEAKER_02
I did jobs, which the whole purpose of doing them were as reservoirs of money for my foundation.
9
SPEAKER_02
Like when I did the match game, did I want to host a game show?
9
SPEAKER_02
No.
9
SPEAKER_02
I went in there and did the show.
9
SPEAKER_02
We did three seasons and they paid me a lot of money.
9
SPEAKER_02
They paid me so much fucking money.
9
SPEAKER_02
It was amazing.
9
SPEAKER_01
I love hearing that.
9
SPEAKER_02
Put that in my foundation.
9
SPEAKER_02
Put the money in the foundation.
9
SPEAKER_02
I did five years of Capital One credit card services.
9
SPEAKER_02
They paid me a lot of money over five years.
9
SPEAKER_02
A ton of money.
9
SPEAKER_02
Gave all that away.
9
SPEAKER_02
I would always look for gigs like Amazon Alexa.
9
SPEAKER_02
They pay everything where they pay me at these gigs.
9
SPEAKER_02
And that goes into the foundation.
9
SPEAKER_01
What is the foundation s purpose?
9
SPEAKER_01
What s it?
9
SPEAKER_01
Mostly arts related.
9
SPEAKER_02
I mean, we have some environmental, some alma mater.
9
SPEAKER_02
My wife and I both went to NYU, but predominantly it s arts to Hampton Film Festival, New York Philharmonic, NYU Tisch, where I went to school.
9
SPEAKER_02
But the point is, is that.
9
SPEAKER_02
But I m assuming either one of you guys, you know, when you have a good time,
9
SPEAKER_02
It doesn t fucking matter.
9
SPEAKER_02
You can be ringing the bell with a bunch of guys and playing Santa Claus for the Salvation Army on the corner.
9
SPEAKER_02
If you re having fun, you re having fun.
9
SPEAKER_02
And I went to go do a match game.
9
SPEAKER_02
And some guy writes on the Internet, he writes the final nail.
9
SPEAKER_02
Oh, like it was a funny.
9
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
9
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
9
SPEAKER_02
The final nail in Alec Baldwin s career coffin.
9
SPEAKER_02
And I went to do a match game.
9
SPEAKER_02
Jen Mullen, who runs Fremantle, they were the producers.
9
SPEAKER_02
And Scott, the other producer, all of them.
9
SPEAKER_02
I went to do match games.
9
SPEAKER_02
I had more fun doing a match game than you could possibly fucking imagine.
9
SPEAKER_02
We had a ball.
9
SPEAKER_02
We had a ball.
9
SPEAKER_02
And it was like SNL.
9
SPEAKER_02
I mean, SNL s a different animal because it s much more... When I first did SNL, I ll never forget, like, you re kind of high and you re kind of in this blue
10
SPEAKER_00
blurry.
10
SPEAKER_00
And then finally, Donna, the dresser grabs me, she throws me in the booth, and she says, we gotta get you dressed for good nights.
10
SPEAKER_00
And I go, what?
10
SPEAKER_00
She goes, it s over.
10
SPEAKER_00
And I go, it s over?
10
SPEAKER_00
It went by like it was 20 minutes.
10
SPEAKER_01
Oh, yeah.
10
SPEAKER_00
It was such a blur.
10
SPEAKER_00
It is so insane.
10
SPEAKER_00
And then so but other than the intensity of that,
10
SPEAKER_00
a match game, I had so much fun.
10
SPEAKER_00
We have people come a ratio was my I always say, with the edge of the day, so three on top three on the bottom, and the two closest to me, they re my wingman.
10
SPEAKER_00
Carole Iray, Horatio.
10
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I had people that were my weight.
10
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I could always throw to play off of.
10
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, exactly.
10
SPEAKER_00
They d always come up with something light and fun and keep the ball in the air.
10
SPEAKER_00
And I and then there were people on the show who were like, we just made fun of them.
10
SPEAKER_00
They give us an answer.
10
SPEAKER_00
And I d be like, I don t want to name names, but you can just watch the show.
10
SPEAKER_00
They re going to be like on the air.
10
SPEAKER_00
I go, you ve got to be fucking kidding me.
10
SPEAKER_00
Are you fucking kidding me?
10
SPEAKER_00
We would just smack them, you know what I mean?
10
SPEAKER_01
Are we living in the age where you can do anything?
10
SPEAKER_01
I turned down a lot of commercials in the 90s because it wasn t considered, you re not supposed to do commercials.
10
SPEAKER_01
Jay Leno did Doritos, other than that.
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But it seems like everyone does commercials, everyone does game shows.
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Everyone we re in the age of everyone does everything and also people talk about money a lot more and their brand and protecting their when i started in this business you didn t sell it and sell alcohol.
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No it s a lot.
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I don t care if you live in a castle in the northern part of Italy, you didn t sell alcohol.
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You know, I mean, no alcohol sales, no tobacco sales.
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Remember, they used to fly.
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Movie stars would fly.
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They paid you a million dollars for one day to fly to sell Suntory whiskey in Japan.
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You never sold it in the United States.
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No alcohol, no tobacco and all that kind of stuff.
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And now.
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I mean, I did Capital One a long time when we were doing 30 Rock.
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And when you re on TV, they want you to be on TV more.
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You know, when you re on TV, you get invited to do a big talk show, but when you re not on TV, you don t.
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SPEAKER_00
So I got invited to do the Capital One thing when I was on 30 Rock.
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I m not saying I m a pioneer, I m not saying I m like, you know, fucking Magellan here of commercials for actors, but now that the dam is broken, everybody does it.
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Well, and they get their own brand.
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They make their own tequila.
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It s huge.
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Hundreds of millions of dollars.
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You know, these, these actors becoming entrepreneurs in sort of multi hundred million dollar generational billion.
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Then there s people, then there s people who like, if you re not careful, you can t remember what it is they re selling because they re selling like Ryan Reynolds, like into a T cell.
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party balloons or does he sell phone or phone cases?
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Phone or bran muffins or what does he sell?
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SPEAKER_00
I forget.
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He s an entrepreneur.
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He s just an entrepreneur.
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SPEAKER_00
He s an entrepreneur.
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He just does everything.
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And the problem is we re just jealous.
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Well, I m just curious for a second, you being philanthropic at that level,
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I don t know how much money you had at the time, but it seems, is this something from your childhood or being raised Catholic, or is it a familial thing, or where do you think this comes from?
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The numbers I ve seen are just extremely generous, extremely philanthropic.
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Philanthropy becomes something you re addicted to, and you can make a big mistake.
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I went to a philanthropy conference that Credit Suisse held, because Credit Suisse was a huge underwriter of the philharmonics.
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And I went to this thing at a hotel here in New York and it was an evening.
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I sat with all these guys and the guy said, remember, philanthropy isn t about you giving me a million dollars this year.
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Philanthropy is about me being able to make plans.
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You re going to give me $50,000 for the next 20 years.
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I need a reliable reservoir, reliable pipeline of money to make, I got to be able to make plans.
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So
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Don t give me a big check once.
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Give me a nice check for 20 years.
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And that s the mistake I made when we gave a million dollar checks.
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And I kind of got drunk on philanthropy.
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SPEAKER_00
You know, I mean, it s a great you kind of get high.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
Let me say some of those.
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SPEAKER_00
My kids are going to come charging through the store any minute now.
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SPEAKER_00
No, Alan, I got to go.
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SPEAKER_01
Do you have any final statement, anything further?
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SPEAKER_00
What does that mean to my IV?
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SPEAKER_00
I want to say, Dana, I owe you for my Trump.
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SPEAKER_00
I totally stole your Nagada.
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SPEAKER_00
I totally stole that school of impersonation.
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SPEAKER_00
No, no, no.
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SPEAKER_00
Make a grown thing.
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Your Tony Bennett is one of the best pure impressions.
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SPEAKER_01
The only one that worked great was when he came on.
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SPEAKER_01
Wasn t that fun when he came on?
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I watched it today.
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SPEAKER_00
Oh, when he came on.
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SPEAKER_00
We cried.
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He s such a likable character, and you guys were great.
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SPEAKER_01
He s it.
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SPEAKER_01
He s it.
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That s a brilliant impression.
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SPEAKER_00
And my last thing to Spade is thank you for not log rolling me and I call you a bitch.
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SPEAKER_00
OK.
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SPEAKER_01
No, I had a blast.
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SPEAKER_01
I love talking.
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SPEAKER_01
I like this was one of the easiest podcasts I ve ever done.
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SPEAKER_01
I just love listening to your stories.
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SPEAKER_01
Great.
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SPEAKER_01
Really, really.
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SPEAKER_00
Thank you so much.
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SPEAKER_00
But I love this.
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SPEAKER_00
All right.
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SPEAKER_00
Stay safe.
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SPEAKER_00
Stay safe.
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SPEAKER_00
Talk to you soon.
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This has been a podcast presentation of Cadence 13.
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Please listen, then rate, review, and follow all episodes.
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Available now for free wherever you get your podcast.
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No joke, folks.
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Fly on the Wall has been a presentation of Cadence 13, executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Chris Corcoran of Cadence 13, and Charlie Finan of Brillstein Entertainment.
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The show s lead producer is Greg Holtzman, with production and engineering support from Serena Regan and Chris Basil of Cadence 13.