0
SPEAKER_00
Knowing how to speak and understand a new language can be an invaluable tool when traveling, meeting new friends, or just even to master a new skill.
0
SPEAKER_00
But it s not always simple when you re bogged down by textbooks and structure classes.
0
SPEAKER_00
That s why so many people trust Rosetta Stone.
0
SPEAKER_00
Rosetta Stone is the most trusted language learning program available on desktop or as an app.
0
SPEAKER_00
It truly immerses you in the language you want to learn, like Spanish, French, Italian, Chinese, and more.
0
SPEAKER_00
You won t just be studying English translations.
0
SPEAKER_00
The Rosetta Stone intuitive process
0
SPEAKER_00
helps you pick up a language naturally, first with words, then phrases, then sentences.
0
SPEAKER_00
Don t put off learning that language.
0
SPEAKER_00
There s no better time than right now to get started.
0
SPEAKER_00
For a very limited time, listeners can get Rosetta Stone s lifetime membership for 50% off.
0
SPEAKER_00
Visit rosettastone.com slash rs10.
0
SPEAKER_00
That s 50% off unlimited access to 25 language courses for the rest of your life.
0
SPEAKER_00
Redeem your 50% off at rosettastone.com slash rs10 today.
0
SPEAKER_02
You know who I saw at the Oscars, Dana, was Michael Keaton.
0
SPEAKER_02
And he was in the audience, he presented an award, and he also did a little bit, which I thought was pretty funny.
0
SPEAKER_03
Oh, that was funny, yeah.
0
SPEAKER_03
I liked Danny DeVito on Arnold, and then Danny DeVito goes, Batman, there he is!
0
SPEAKER_03
And then Keaton did the really straight face, held it the whole time.
0
SPEAKER_03
Someone said he just should ve mouthed, I m Batman.
0
SPEAKER_02
I m going to ask him about, was that movie, not the paper,
0
SPEAKER_02
There was the paper and then there was spotlight.
0
SPEAKER_02
He s done so many things.
0
SPEAKER_02
What a cool dude.
0
SPEAKER_02
Always in a good movie, always laying low.
0
SPEAKER_02
Got a little bit of mystery to him.
0
SPEAKER_02
I think split after Batman pretty quickly.
0
SPEAKER_02
It was funny when they did that bit of the Oscars, I was like, all these guys have been on.
0
SPEAKER_02
Danny DeVito was just on, Schwarzenegger was on, Michael Keaton.
0
SPEAKER_02
I m looking forward to it.
0
SPEAKER_02
I see him out here and there rarely, always a gentleman, always takes a second.
0
SPEAKER_03
I think he lives in Montana.
0
SPEAKER_02
He looks like a guy that could have been Costner in Yellowstone.
0
SPEAKER_03
He s a stand-up, which I m sure we re all talking about.
0
SPEAKER_03
He played the punchline in San Francisco before he got into movies.
0
SPEAKER_03
So that s very interesting.
0
SPEAKER_03
And he hosted SNL twice.
0
SPEAKER_03
I was there the first one.
0
SPEAKER_03
It was very funny.
0
SPEAKER_02
I m sure he s kicking himself for leaving stand-up and becoming a monster star.
0
SPEAKER_02
Oh, that s good.
0
SPEAKER_02
Are you still kicking yourself out, not playing again?
0
SPEAKER_02
Uncle Fucker s Chuckle Hutch in Mississippi.
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_03
You could have played Sir Laughs a lot.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_03
Des Moines for a long while.
0
SPEAKER_02
You could have done an extra show.
0
SPEAKER_02
String of Gut Busters.
0
SPEAKER_03
Tuscaloosa.
0
SPEAKER_03
Billy s Chuckle Hut and Missoula, Montana.
0
SPEAKER_03
You know, add in that fifth show, get the vomit off the floor and bring in the horses.
0
SPEAKER_02
Funny Bone in Nova Scotia.
0
SPEAKER_03
There is Funny Bones.
0
SPEAKER_03
The funniest one I actually played was The Rib Tickler.
0
SPEAKER_03
The Rib Tickler in Minneapolis, Minnesota.
0
SPEAKER_03
Welcome to The Rib Tickler.
0
SPEAKER_03
Anyway, we ve run out of steam, energy, and thoughts.
0
SPEAKER_02
And Michael Keaton.
0
SPEAKER_02
Here s Michael Keaton to pick up the pace.
0
SPEAKER_03
I love a hat that makes no statement.
0
SPEAKER_01
Absolutely.
0
SPEAKER_01
That s me.
0
SPEAKER_01
Right down the middle.
0
SPEAKER_01
Not committed to anything.
0
SPEAKER_03
Because you don t want to go to an airport and have some funny phrase and funny t-shirt so everyone has an excuse to go, hey, my cookie.
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m looking at spades.
0
SPEAKER_01
This is my favorite thing.
0
SPEAKER_01
I was hoping there was a Joe Dirt because I love Joe Dirt.
0
SPEAKER_01
There s a Joe Dirt hat, but on the other side, there s also a bottle of Tums.
0
SPEAKER_02
You fucking asshole.
0
SPEAKER_02
Whoops.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_02
He s sensitive in frame.
0
SPEAKER_02
Everyone s fired.
0
SPEAKER_02
Just chug it.
0
SPEAKER_02
Oh, no.
0
SPEAKER_02
Those are pills.
0
SPEAKER_02
Right.
0
SPEAKER_02
My set designers.
0
SPEAKER_02
Set deck.
0
SPEAKER_02
Oh, I m trying to stay young.
0
SPEAKER_02
What else can I put here?
0
SPEAKER_02
That sounds young.
0
SPEAKER_02
There s nothing.
0
SPEAKER_02
Pepto Bismol.
0
SPEAKER_02
Everything s old.
0
SPEAKER_03
Far away.
0
SPEAKER_03
I m heavily medicated myself right now.
0
SPEAKER_03
So.
0
SPEAKER_03
I m feeling, I m feeling real.
0
SPEAKER_03
So great.
0
SPEAKER_03
I m feeling real good.
0
SPEAKER_03
I ll give Michael a compliment.
0
SPEAKER_03
Ready?
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_03
Ready?
0
SPEAKER_03
This might be a compliment.
0
SPEAKER_03
We embarrass our guests with compliments.
0
SPEAKER_02
No, this might be the only compliment.
0
SPEAKER_03
I ve got a few.
0
SPEAKER_02
But at the Oscars, a great surprise bit and got a fucking laugh and yeah, really out of the blue.
0
SPEAKER_03
Can we see the face just on the zoom?
0
SPEAKER_02
It was a very.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, good one.
0
SPEAKER_02
I would have started laughing, uh, because it was out of nowhere.
0
SPEAKER_02
And then, um, do they tell you how far ahead do you know about this stuff?
0
SPEAKER_02
And do you ever practice?
0
SPEAKER_02
They just go, this is going to be a thing play along or don t.
0
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
0
SPEAKER_01
Very good observation.
0
SPEAKER_01
No, I ll tell you what happened.
0
SPEAKER_01
How did this happen?
0
SPEAKER_01
You guys have probably done that or something like it.
0
SPEAKER_01
Then it s fairly, it s kind of horrible really.
0
SPEAKER_01
Cause it s hard to go up there and you know, you ve got X amount of seconds to make a thing work.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I wanted to do it because I love Catherine.
0
SPEAKER_01
She s a pal.
0
SPEAKER_01
So.
0
SPEAKER_01
They go over everything and wisely you rehearse it actually.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s probably smart.
0
SPEAKER_01
And so when I left to the rehearsal, uh, cause normally I d go nuts.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s simple thing and we re going to be up and off.
0
SPEAKER_01
Let s not worry about it.
0
SPEAKER_01
But I was smart enough this time to say, I get it.
0
SPEAKER_01
You know where camera is, blah, blah, blah.
0
SPEAKER_01
So I went down to do it.
0
SPEAKER_01
And on the way home, I got a text from Kimmel or Molly or both saying his wife saying, uh, Hey, would you do this one thing?
0
SPEAKER_01
Uh,
0
SPEAKER_01
I had planned to do the thing with Catherine, leave, and then go to one of the parties or something.
0
SPEAKER_01
I thought, wow, shoot, okay.
0
SPEAKER_01
I thought, all right.
0
SPEAKER_01
Then he told me what the bit was and I thought, oh, that could be funny.
0
SPEAKER_01
I don t know who that came from, frankly.
0
SPEAKER_01
I don t know if that was something Danny threw out because I saw him there.
0
SPEAKER_01
Anyway, they said, would you do it?
0
SPEAKER_01
I said, sure.
0
SPEAKER_01
This is when show business is truly fun.
0
SPEAKER_01
truly fun.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I m sitting there, what is going to sound so obnoxious because I m about to name drop my ass off.
0
SPEAKER_01
Love it.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
Did you say get it out?
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m sitting there ready.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I m talking literally to Al Pacino and we re, we re bullshitting and Boa and this guy, cause they said, you re on the, you present now at this point and then
0
SPEAKER_02
about 40 minutes later or whatever, you come back for this segment or... Right, they pull you early and go, you re on in an hour and a half, let s get you backstage.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yes, normally, right.
0
SPEAKER_01
So, not now.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s like this kid, really great kid, flustered out of his mind, you know, comes over and goes, you gotta go.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I go, go where?
0
SPEAKER_01
And he goes, you gotta go wait for that thing.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I go, shit.
0
SPEAKER_01
I go, okay, let s, now he says, yes, now we re gonna go see, you re coming out of commercial or something.
0
SPEAKER_01
So, I was smart enough to say, I think,
0
SPEAKER_01
I brought along, I didn t want to just show up like you just saw me a few minutes ago.
0
SPEAKER_01
So I had this thing tied as an ascot to go full Bruce Wayne kind of thing.
0
SPEAKER_01
So I actually had a wardrobe change.
0
SPEAKER_01
So I said, I m right in the back.
0
SPEAKER_01
There s a bad thing and there s confusion.
0
SPEAKER_01
I thought, well, it won t work out.
0
SPEAKER_01
Don t worry about it.
0
SPEAKER_01
And all of a sudden it just like put it on.
0
SPEAKER_01
And that s so fun because you re walking in and
0
SPEAKER_01
It s panic time, you know, no, get over it.
0
SPEAKER_01
Where s his seat?
0
SPEAKER_01
And this poor kid is sweating bullets.
0
SPEAKER_01
And, you know, you re among all these movie stars and people and there s mayhem and stuff.
0
SPEAKER_01
And you re thinking, man, I hope this works.
0
SPEAKER_01
And you re kind of pumped, you know, cause you know, that good nervous thing.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like, I know this would be funny if it works, I think.
0
SPEAKER_01
And then, you know, we had discussed like, what do we do?
0
SPEAKER_01
So anyway, so it was really fun because then, then, you know, you sit, you re sitting there and I knew what I was going to do at that point.
0
SPEAKER_01
So you see the light go off.
0
SPEAKER_01
I just locked in.
0
SPEAKER_01
But my first idea, I said, hey, what do you think of this?
0
SPEAKER_01
Hey, it s fun to talk to you guys about this.
0
SPEAKER_01
I said, what do you think about this?
0
SPEAKER_01
Is this anything?
0
SPEAKER_01
First of all, they were right.
0
SPEAKER_01
They said, no, we think the dead stare.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I went, yeah, probably right.
0
SPEAKER_01
Let s do it.
0
SPEAKER_01
But my first idea was, I wondered, like, they said, you might sit next to Paul Giamatti.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I said, all right, whomever, I m just going to sit like this.
0
SPEAKER_01
And when they re up there, Danny and Arnold,
0
SPEAKER_01
and they do their thing, I m just going to be bullshitting to somebody.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m not even paying attention to them.
0
SPEAKER_01
I can show.
0
SPEAKER_01
You re just talking about shit and they just kind of look up, just kind of blow them off like this.
0
SPEAKER_01
But I think the dead stare was probably better.
0
SPEAKER_02
You know, I don t mind a combo where you re talking and they say, Batman s here and you go.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_02
You just turn straight into a walk in and they re like, oh shit.
0
SPEAKER_03
But whatever you did work.
0
SPEAKER_03
Everyone s in on the joke at that moment.
0
SPEAKER_03
So the fact that you re holding it so straight, like you re internally laughing yourself, right?
0
SPEAKER_03
It was kind of in your brain.
0
SPEAKER_03
You re going, this is fucking funny.
0
SPEAKER_03
It s working.
0
SPEAKER_03
And the way Danny led into it, they re talking, talking, Hey,
0
SPEAKER_03
He s over there.
0
SPEAKER_03
It was such a great, the way he leaped on that was perfect.
0
SPEAKER_03
And what you did was perfect.
0
SPEAKER_03
You stole the Oscars.
0
SPEAKER_03
I m just saying.
0
SPEAKER_02
Another favorite part, Michael, is when you re hustling down the stairs, you know, and they re like 30 seconds.
0
SPEAKER_02
So we come back from the break and they re like, which seat is he?
0
SPEAKER_02
And they go to some seat full and go, get the fuck out of here.
0
SPEAKER_02
And they re like, that s Cate Blanchett.
1
SPEAKER_02
You re like, oh no, the one next to you, get out.
1
SPEAKER_02
You can t ever.
1
SPEAKER_00
That was a really funny front.
1
SPEAKER_00
Broke Kate out.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
Get her out of here.
1
SPEAKER_02
We got a bit, but I like, you know, those unexpected bits are great.
1
SPEAKER_02
Spielberg giving a point to himself, gets a huge laugh when she said, I sent my news to the wrong person.
1
SPEAKER_02
And he points, that got a good one.
1
SPEAKER_02
But those are kind of,
1
SPEAKER_02
I guess they gotta be used sparingly because it s hard to beat them.
1
SPEAKER_00
Those two were- No, I understand that.
1
SPEAKER_00
When you re there, you can t hear it on monitors, and I didn t really see it.
1
SPEAKER_00
And, uh, but I, I, I, it felt like it was when I d glance up at the screen backstage, I thought I d film, this is pretty good.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I, as I understand it, it was actually a really good show.
1
SPEAKER_00
Uh, you know, I saw bits and pieces later.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_01
It was, it was, uh, whoever came up with the idea that the five nominees in the audience and then the five winners vet them one at a time.
1
SPEAKER_01
And it was so emotional.
1
SPEAKER_01
That was, I hadn t never done that before.
1
SPEAKER_01
Right.
1
SPEAKER_01
It was fantastic.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Interesting.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
You guys would be able to do that.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think, I think Jimmy s great at it.
1
SPEAKER_00
I mean, Crystal is great, man.
1
SPEAKER_00
I mean, but as you can imagine, you guys would know better than I actually.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s somewhat thankless.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t mean to say that like, oh, fuck them, you know, but it is hard.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s really, really, really hard.
1
SPEAKER_00
I would imagine, you know, and the pressure is really on in a ridiculous way.
1
SPEAKER_02
Right, and he s luckily had all the people on his show usually, so they re giving him a break.
1
SPEAKER_02
Joe Coy had a tougher, came in with a deficit at the Golden Globes because they weren t as familiar, and they were like, win us over.
1
SPEAKER_02
Like, we re stars.
1
SPEAKER_02
And there s a little of that, I think that s real.
1
SPEAKER_02
I would like to do it sometime.
1
SPEAKER_02
I don t know, I think the nerves would be so overwhelming.
1
SPEAKER_02
And Jimmy s very cool about it.
1
SPEAKER_01
He s done it four times.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think that s the exact thing, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
But I was there when Anthony Hopkins was up for Hannibal Lecter.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then so Billy comes out, he s wheeled out, he s got the Hannibal Lecter mask on.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then Billy would put himself in film montages.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then Billy was a song and dance man at heart, you know, Titanic is going down, it s going down.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s going down.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it s like, I m sinking, I m sinking.
1
SPEAKER_01
And it was just baggy pants, vaudevillian and irresistibly entertaining.
1
SPEAKER_01
And someone like Jimmy is a monologist and he s great at it.
1
SPEAKER_01
But that is a that is a little more nerve wracking.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s a high wire act.
1
SPEAKER_01
Here s a joke.
1
SPEAKER_01
Here s a joke.
1
SPEAKER_01
Here s a joke.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s nerve-wracking.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know, Broadway, I can t do it because I don t have the room here, but I used to do that thing, like how people in theater or in Broadway, first of all, a lot of Broadway tunes, if you throw the word, hey, into the front of it, it kind of, it s, hey people,
1
SPEAKER_01
Anything s funnier.
1
SPEAKER_01
Hey, I m all right.
1
SPEAKER_01
You re all right.
1
SPEAKER_01
Tonight, tonight.
1
SPEAKER_02
Or even more vague.
1
SPEAKER_02
Hey, Christmas, you re coming around.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, are you talking to Christmas?
1
SPEAKER_01
And then 10 people dress as Christmas trees.
1
SPEAKER_01
We re a tree.
1
SPEAKER_01
You re a tree.
1
SPEAKER_01
I love Broadway.
1
SPEAKER_01
What can I tell you?
1
SPEAKER_00
And that s the attitude.
1
SPEAKER_00
You both clicked into the attitude.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s like, look out, world.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
I mean, as a kid, I was always thrown out by musicals.
1
SPEAKER_01
I wasn t, because they d be talking in a movie and then all of a sudden they d be going, pass the butter, pass the butter today.
1
SPEAKER_01
We need butter.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I m seven years old going, what?
1
SPEAKER_01
You can do this?
1
SPEAKER_01
People just break out into songs.
1
SPEAKER_00
Right.
1
SPEAKER_00
I remember seeing, I loved Westerns as a kid.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_01
Favorite one.
1
SPEAKER_01
We re fairly in the same.
1
SPEAKER_00
Lonely or the Brave.
1
SPEAKER_00
Probably Kirk Douglas.
1
SPEAKER_01
Adult or as a kid, I ve never seen The Sons of Katie Elder as a kid.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, cool.
1
SPEAKER_01
I saw it in the theater when I was like seven or something.
1
SPEAKER_01
The Sons of Katie Elder.
1
SPEAKER_00
I would watch there were a certain couple that I just didn t relate to because they were too clean and neat and cute looking.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I remember watching one and it was interesting because it was the West, but maybe in the forties or something, which now I love.
1
SPEAKER_00
And a car pulled up.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I went, wait, wait, whoa, hold on a minute.
1
SPEAKER_00
What s your car doing here?
1
SPEAKER_01
In 1840.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
I ll bet you guys were like me when you watch movies or television shows.
1
SPEAKER_00
There were probably, my guess is you re similar.
1
SPEAKER_00
There were probably things that your little head kind of either couldn t wrap itself around or really got excited about that.
1
SPEAKER_00
The average kid probably didn t.
1
SPEAKER_00
Do you know what I mean?
1
SPEAKER_00
Like there were certain shows when in grade school, my friends would do, uh,
1
SPEAKER_00
uh, that do, uh, what was that kind of Colonel clink or something to do clink, uh, Hogan s heroes, uh, Schultz.
1
SPEAKER_01
I see nothing.
1
SPEAKER_01
I see nothing.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yep.
1
SPEAKER_00
I remember that one shows that I never might.
1
SPEAKER_00
All the kids used to love that.
1
SPEAKER_00
I never thought it was funny.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I always thought, well, I m the weird one then.
1
SPEAKER_00
Cause, but then the ones I, me and a couple of your buddies really thought were funny.
1
SPEAKER_00
It was like a small group.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m sure you felt that way, that you had one or two guys.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, totally.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I had three older brothers.
1
SPEAKER_01
The whole house, my younger sister was just mad for movies.
1
SPEAKER_01
In those days, my sister loves Splendor in the Grass so much and you couldn t VCR it.
1
SPEAKER_01
So we d wait a year and then the whole house belonged to Lori.
1
SPEAKER_01
with the splendor in the grass with Warren Beatty and she just did pity.
1
SPEAKER_01
She just did pity.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s a reference reveal.
1
SPEAKER_01
But I m thinking the one for me that seemed the coolest, I was probably in junior high, was Get Smart.
1
SPEAKER_00
Me too.
1
SPEAKER_00
That was like, you hit it right on the head.
1
SPEAKER_00
That was my favorite.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know what I think it was?
1
SPEAKER_00
And then there was a thing called, oh shoot, what was that show that I thought was really irreverent?
1
SPEAKER_00
I think it s the irreverent thing that we like, you know, the
1
SPEAKER_00
the making fun of or something, you know, uh, but get smart 100% right, right there.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
Well, what about Hogan s heroes being like, I didn t even understand the theme.
1
SPEAKER_02
I didn t understand how heavy the theme was.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I just thought it was just goofy guys.
1
SPEAKER_02
But when you look at it and you go, wait, what was it about?
1
SPEAKER_02
I didn t know until five years ago.
1
SPEAKER_02
I didn t know.
1
SPEAKER_02
I was like, wait, what was it?
1
SPEAKER_00
I know.
1
SPEAKER_00
I know.
1
SPEAKER_00
Uh, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know, I, uh, here s a weird one.
1
SPEAKER_00
I never, as a kid, when my friends loved the Three Stooges, I went, well, I would never, I didn t believe it.
1
SPEAKER_00
I go, well, that people, here s how weird I was.
1
SPEAKER_00
I go, I m not in, I m not so not in on that.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s silly.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s not like, I don t get it.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know, I m like, I guess.
1
SPEAKER_01
I know where you re going with this.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
And as I got older.
1
SPEAKER_00
It fucking kills me.
1
SPEAKER_00
Now I look at it and I go, I go, look at these men.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like there s always that scene where there s a woman who played the role all the time of kind of nature and they would say, the scene would be them saying,
1
SPEAKER_00
well, Mrs. Holloway or something, you know, and she d say, now you three boys behave yourselves while your house sits in my home.
1
SPEAKER_00
Watch after my daughters or something like that.
1
SPEAKER_00
Just to look at these guys.
1
SPEAKER_00
And she played, now listen, fellas, you behave yourselves, you know.
1
SPEAKER_02
These are the three idiots they hire off of Craigslist, these three guys.
1
SPEAKER_02
They can t do anything.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Commit manslaughter toward each other.
1
SPEAKER_01
You know, they get a crowbar, you know, now go over there and shave the ice, you know, and then he has shaving cream on the ice and he s shaving the ice.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s right.
1
SPEAKER_00
Give an order.
1
SPEAKER_00
Shave the ice.
1
SPEAKER_00
I worked on those rocket ships.
1
SPEAKER_00
You too.
1
SPEAKER_02
They always come back.
1
SPEAKER_02
The boss comes in five minutes later.
1
SPEAKER_02
How s things coming along?
1
SPEAKER_02
Well, what have you done here?
1
SPEAKER_01
I love them more now.
1
SPEAKER_01
They re more acid humor now.
1
SPEAKER_01
I was Abbott and Costello then, not so much the Three Stooges, now Three Stooges.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s so avant-garde.
1
SPEAKER_00
I am so with you.
1
SPEAKER_00
But I always did, I did like Anna Costello, kind of, and I kind of liked...
1
SPEAKER_00
So yeah, they made, they, I kind of got that.
1
SPEAKER_01
I don t know what the- Meets Frankenstein.
1
SPEAKER_01
Meets Frankenstein.
1
SPEAKER_01
Because in the day, the monsters were the monsters of the day, you know, Bela Lugosi.
1
SPEAKER_01
And so that was sort of, yeah, depending on how old you were, a little bit scary, but how funny, because they, in their script, they just go A and B ad libs.
1
SPEAKER_01
I mean, the scripts would come out.
1
SPEAKER_01
I know Bobby Slayton, this comedian, famous comedian,
1
SPEAKER_01
owns one of the original scripts of Ad Costello meets Frankenstein, and it s just A and B ad libs.
1
SPEAKER_01
So you could tell when he comes in, what are you scared of?
1
SPEAKER_01
What d you see?
1
SPEAKER_01
When he sees, he sees someone come out of the coffin and then the straight man comes in.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s such great, it pops, you know?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
I would love to own one of those.
1
SPEAKER_00
That d be very cool to have one of those.
1
SPEAKER_00
Uh, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
I was also, I was never afraid of scary things.
1
SPEAKER_00
Things that scared kids never,
1
SPEAKER_00
never scared me.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I didn t, I know, I know, there s no Godzilla, you know, I know, I just know there isn t.
1
SPEAKER_00
So I m such a drag.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know, but when I saw my friend, here s a great one, you know, I was raised Catholic, and I was an altar boy.
2
SPEAKER_00
we were very Catholic and everything.
2
SPEAKER_00
And when the exorcist came out, I have a friend, I m going to see him and visit him because he s an old pal.
2
SPEAKER_00
And he s a real wise guy, you know, like say, you know, he didn t make a comment.
2
SPEAKER_00
He s a poet actually writes beautiful poetry, but he s like, make fun of shit, you know, and be a wise ass all the time.
2
SPEAKER_00
He told me so he didn t he didn t respect anything really.
2
SPEAKER_00
He was really
2
SPEAKER_00
you know, irreverent.
2
SPEAKER_00
He went to see the exorcist.
2
SPEAKER_00
It gets to the point where I don t know, at some point, he gets up and leaves and goes right next door to a bar and like starts drinking whiskey.
2
SPEAKER_00
He was so frightened.
2
SPEAKER_02
There s not a chance.
2
SPEAKER_02
Scared the fuck out of me because I didn t even, my friends, high school buddies, oh, let s go in, it s called the Oxercist or Oesocist, whatever.
2
SPEAKER_02
We come in late, we re in the third row, we don t even know what it is.
2
SPEAKER_02
And it scared the fuck out of me.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God.
2
SPEAKER_02
And then I went home, my parents were in Montana, no one was around, I m staying in this track home.
2
SPEAKER_02
I go in the door and we had this little dog and it s at the top of the stairs and it s pitch black and it s going.
2
SPEAKER_01
The dog s a devil.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, my brother.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, the dog was a devil.
2
SPEAKER_01
My brother saw it and I was shitting bricks just hearing it in second hand.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I I ve still never seen it.
2
SPEAKER_01
It was too scary.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
People wish they hadn t.
2
SPEAKER_01
People go, I wish it s not in my head.
2
SPEAKER_01
There s some things you just don t want rattling around in there.
2
SPEAKER_01
And when they go, it s based on a real story, then I m out.
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t know this can happen.
2
SPEAKER_01
Nope, nope, nope, nope.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_01
Let s move to like coolest guy.
2
SPEAKER_01
No way.
2
SPEAKER_01
I have a question about the Oscars day and I have one last question about Oscars.
2
SPEAKER_02
That s right.
2
SPEAKER_02
We got to get back to the guy who stole the show.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_01
Ready?
2
SPEAKER_01
Listen to this, Michael.
2
SPEAKER_01
What I, my advice to you, so you re at the Oscars.
2
SPEAKER_01
So what you probably do is you re there next to like, you know, Margot Robbie or something.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then when they hand the Oscar to someone, you just casually go, oof, those are heavy.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then that denotes that you have won a, you know, it s just the thing I would do.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, that s really smart, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like, just this really low thing, like, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, heavier than you think.
2
SPEAKER_01
You gotta use your traps a little bit and some lats.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then also, was there, was there any of the one there?
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, wait.
2
SPEAKER_02
I wanna ask a question.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, go ahead.
2
SPEAKER_02
Was there anyone backstage who saw this guy and you just, for some reason, it popped in your head, I d like to fucking smash that guy in the face.
2
SPEAKER_02
It s just a random thought.
2
SPEAKER_02
You wouldn t act on it, but like, that guy has a punchable face.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, several.
2
SPEAKER_00
No, nobody.
2
SPEAKER_00
Nobody.
2
SPEAKER_00
Catherine O Hara, by the way.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, I love Catherine O Hara.
2
SPEAKER_02
Go ahead, David.
2
SPEAKER_02
I just want to compliment loving her so much as a performer and a person.
2
SPEAKER_02
And I ran into her at this J.J.
2
SPEAKER_02
Abrams event.
2
SPEAKER_02
I barely get out of the house, but I was there.
2
SPEAKER_02
And we re just kidding around.
2
SPEAKER_02
I said, who makes a move in their 60s?
2
SPEAKER_02
I mean, really, this is a few years back.
2
SPEAKER_02
Who makes a move in their 60s?
2
SPEAKER_02
Nobody makes a move in their 60s in show business.
2
SPEAKER_02
And she says, Marty, then Marty does the thing with Steve Martin, but that she was the one making the move with the half hour show.
2
SPEAKER_02
What was it called?
2
SPEAKER_02
Schitt s Creek.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, I ve loved her forever and she s kind of a pal, you know.
2
SPEAKER_00
Uh, but not kind of girl.
2
SPEAKER_00
She s a friend of mine.
2
SPEAKER_02
So you meet her for three minutes.
2
SPEAKER_02
You want to be her best friend?
2
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
2
SPEAKER_00
And she s nicest girl.
2
SPEAKER_00
Best girl.
2
SPEAKER_00
We had both of them.
2
SPEAKER_00
We have a big family too.
2
SPEAKER_00
And we had, you know, we, we have similar, you know, my mom Irish, not, not from Ireland, but so we had a big, you know, that, that whole thing in our background.
2
SPEAKER_00
Uh, but her family, I remember meeting them years ago and she s, and she s just so great.
2
SPEAKER_00
I did this little movie and I asked if she could play my wife in this little movie.
2
SPEAKER_00
Uh,
2
SPEAKER_00
Griffin Dunn and Amy Robinson, the producing partner, had this little deal for a while where they were doing really small independent movies.
2
SPEAKER_00
And there was a Don DeLillo book called Game Six.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I did it with them, you know, shot it for, I mean, nothing.
2
SPEAKER_00
I think, honestly, I m not, I m not kidding.
2
SPEAKER_00
I think it might ve been like 600 grand or something like that.
2
SPEAKER_00
And so besides Beetlejuice, she was my, I got her to play my wife in this movie.
2
SPEAKER_00
She s great.
2
SPEAKER_00
And that s one reason I wanted to present when it was with her, you know.
2
SPEAKER_00
Perfect.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh, everyone knew, I mean, that are Beetlejuice fans, like there they are.
2
SPEAKER_02
And we all know the movie s coming out in September.
2
SPEAKER_02
So that s one thing about you.
2
SPEAKER_02
Like, I know you, you did the flash, you got into Batman outfit 30 years later and it, I guess it fit.
2
SPEAKER_02
So I d like to know why and how do you manage your weight?
2
SPEAKER_02
Are you on Ozempic?
2
SPEAKER_02
I mean, what is like, you could play,
2
SPEAKER_02
You re the same size person.
2
SPEAKER_02
You re pretty fit.
2
SPEAKER_02
So you played Batman 30 years apart.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I did.
2
SPEAKER_00
I was kind of half bragging.
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I was kind of bragging about it, really, but I was making a joke out of it.
2
SPEAKER_00
But I was pretty proud of myself because I thought, there s no way this is going to work.
2
SPEAKER_00
Fit right back in.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I thought, wow, I m a dude.
2
SPEAKER_00
Look at me.
2
SPEAKER_00
But you know what I ve learned?
2
SPEAKER_00
On the first one, I thought, I better get fit for this thing because we didn t know
2
SPEAKER_00
whole idea of the suit, that was Latin.
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, that really was the day before my shot in that suit.
2
SPEAKER_00
It hadn t been ready.
2
SPEAKER_00
They hadn t, it wasn t ready yet.
2
SPEAKER_00
So, I didn t know how the, I saw images, never knew what, but how is this actually physically going to work, right?
2
SPEAKER_00
So, I thought, you know, I m being real actor-y and everything and I thought, I better be fit for this thing.
2
SPEAKER_00
Never thinking, well, you know, what s the point?
2
SPEAKER_00
I was working on a bag and Nicholson walks by me and he goes, what are you doing?
2
SPEAKER_00
And I go, ah, you know, sweating and being real groovy, going out, working out, something like that.
2
SPEAKER_00
He goes, what are you doing that for?
2
SPEAKER_00
And he just walked out the door.
2
SPEAKER_02
There s no reason to work out because you re not going tits up.
2
SPEAKER_02
The suit stays on.
2
SPEAKER_02
That was later with Christian Bale got shirtless and did 50 pushups.
2
SPEAKER_00
There s no scene that I can recall like that where I m shirtless or something.
2
SPEAKER_00
But also what I ve learned, how stupid I was, it s actually easier
2
SPEAKER_00
to, there s more room to move inside if you re smaller.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
So what s the point?
2
SPEAKER_00
You know, I ve told this story, but you have to find this funny.
2
SPEAKER_00
We didn t know if the thing would work.
2
SPEAKER_00
You know, and then it was a whole thing with, geez, how do you light it?
2
SPEAKER_00
And how do you even move in it?
2
SPEAKER_00
Blah, blah, blah.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m not going to bore you without, you know, all that.
2
SPEAKER_00
But there was one of the first shots here, we re still putting this thing together and go, okay, wait, can you even move?
2
SPEAKER_00
And yeah, I can move, but I can t sit or whatever.
2
SPEAKER_00
There s a shot where I m trying to act real cool, you know, and I turn like this.
2
SPEAKER_00
The reason, this whole thing, this whole motion,
2
SPEAKER_00
started with, I m supposed to turn, something happens, some bad guy comes out or something, I don t remember, it s a long shot, I turn to look at him, the light s real cool, and as I turn, I turn this way, and this thing, part of the suit goes, and the suit like opened up.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh, so it s off your face.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
Because we hadn t figured out how to make it, you know, how to get that whole thing yet.
2
SPEAKER_00
We re constantly piecing and sticking it.
2
SPEAKER_00
So that s where all that stuff came from.
2
SPEAKER_00
I thought, well, fuck, you know, it s really easy to go like this and the thing won t pop like that.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s on you so tight, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_02
The specific mouth that you would do, right?
2
SPEAKER_02
I mean, when the first Batman came out, just sort of the way you made your mouth when you re in the suit.
2
SPEAKER_00
Way more credit.
2
SPEAKER_00
I deserve her.
2
SPEAKER_00
I just gotta put her on.
2
SPEAKER_01
This is what I would go with.
2
SPEAKER_01
And it d scare them a little bit.
2
SPEAKER_01
They d be like, what is that, Captain Curious?
2
SPEAKER_01
I m like this.
2
SPEAKER_01
You can t see it on Zoom and it s so good.
2
SPEAKER_01
Captain Curious.
2
SPEAKER_00
What made you guys say instead of doing like, either of you could just do your own, but you said, no, we should probably double up here and do this, which for me is a good idea, but I don t know anything about this.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I would say known Dana since right before SNL, was a big fan of his and got on SNL where I was pretty much his understudy and then we can t really compete with Dana out there, but Dana did a great job, left, I left, I d see him here and there and then I started seeing him more because he lived close by the last couple of years.
2
SPEAKER_01
And we talked a lot about the stuff and we d always talk about SNL and just whatever.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I kind of wanted to do one of these.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then I thought I wanted to team up with someone that s funny that can share.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then also he has his own people that love him and just sort of a wider net.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then it s more fun and it s easier to talk at Dana s a smart dude.
2
SPEAKER_00
Good idea.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s so smart.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s interesting.
2
SPEAKER_00
You were not, what do you mean an understudy?
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, Dana was doing so well, but he might not have been there forever.
2
SPEAKER_01
You know, you have your shelf life.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then Lauren, I sort of looked like him and just coincidentally was a little like him.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then, but I wasn t like a big impressionist.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then, um, Lauren, I think to Dana was playing a little, like, we got this guy right here.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh, Lauren would say, because David would sit behind me and read through, and I look over and Lauren, David s always on deck.
2
SPEAKER_02
He ll always be ready if anything happens.
3
SPEAKER_02
Not going to do it if that catchphrase starts to fade away.
3
SPEAKER_02
We own it.
3
SPEAKER_02
David will be right there.
3
SPEAKER_02
And by the way, he has tried on the church lady dress and it fits like a fucking glove.
3
SPEAKER_02
Michael Keaton.
3
SPEAKER_02
Michael Keaton is here.
3
SPEAKER_02
Since he was a host at the Monday meeting.
3
SPEAKER_02
Michael Keaton is here.
3
SPEAKER_02
He s our favorite freaky dude.
3
SPEAKER_02
But also we have the same manager.
3
SPEAKER_02
david and i about getting put together in the podcast became all the thing first they were just sort of fun and then there was like you you don t have a manager you ve been paying them for twenty two years now we start about uh... a little project your knocks goes away yes i m a director this movie it s good
3
SPEAKER_00
But mostly what s good about it is the cast is pretty damn good.
3
SPEAKER_00
That was Pacino and James Harden, Mary Gay, I mean, Marcia Gay Harden.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s just real, Susie Nakamura, you know, I wanted somebody funny in there.
3
SPEAKER_00
She s real fun.
3
SPEAKER_00
James Marsden.
3
SPEAKER_00
James Marsden.
3
SPEAKER_01
James Marsden s from the jury.
3
SPEAKER_01
I just saw him in jury duty, right?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
So yeah, we should talk about that show, the show.
3
SPEAKER_00
So this movie.
3
SPEAKER_00
So, uh,
3
SPEAKER_00
like that, you know, I directed before and this was something I wanted to do, but it was not like, I must tell the story.
3
SPEAKER_00
I ve been dreaming of this story for years.
3
SPEAKER_00
It was a script that came, it was really well-written, kind of sat around the house for a while, you know, it was operative as an actor.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then went off and did something, came back, picked it up, did something else, came back.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I didn t think anyone was really interested in it anymore.
3
SPEAKER_00
And they would call me and say, Hey,
3
SPEAKER_00
What do you think of this?
3
SPEAKER_00
The writer would like to know finally.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I don t blame the guy.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I said, yeah, let me read it one more time.
3
SPEAKER_00
I think this is pretty good.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then I said, you know, the only way I want to do this is if I can direct it too.
3
SPEAKER_00
So we started doing it, you know, you know how it works.
3
SPEAKER_00
There was like 24 or five days to shoot it.
3
SPEAKER_00
Um, I got this really good cast together and, uh, it s pretty good.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, it s cool.
3
SPEAKER_01
I saw the trailer.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s very cool.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s very interesting.
3
SPEAKER_01
I did not know you directed it.
3
SPEAKER_01
You hear that?
3
SPEAKER_01
I did not know you directed it and now I, uh, it s even more props to you because right away it s, it s a very interesting story.
3
SPEAKER_01
Um, Ted, could you tell a little bit about it just so people know?
3
SPEAKER_00
I m really, I m not good at it.
3
SPEAKER_00
Uh, yeah, here s the setup contract.
3
SPEAKER_01
I ll tell you where you re right and wrong.
3
SPEAKER_00
Thank you.
3
SPEAKER_02
We ll fill, we ll fill in the blanks.
3
SPEAKER_02
I could say it really fast.
3
SPEAKER_02
I think it is.
3
SPEAKER_02
I think it has an incredible hook.
3
SPEAKER_02
You could call it a hook.
3
SPEAKER_00
If you guys could travel with me while I sell this thing and just pitch in.
3
SPEAKER_00
This guy is a contract killer, hitman if you want, but it s not really a hitman movie at all, actually.
3
SPEAKER_00
So he s got this form of dementia called Kreutzfeldt-Jakob.
3
SPEAKER_00
Uh, which is also a good name for a comedy team.
3
SPEAKER_02
Now that I hear my forward in the NBA, that s right.
3
SPEAKER_02
Another Eastern Europe, Lithuania, Chris, not Eastern Europe.
3
SPEAKER_00
And it s an actual disease and it, uh, it, uh, it, it, it, it goes fast.
3
SPEAKER_00
Once you re diagnosed, there s not much time.
3
SPEAKER_00
And, uh, James Morrison plays my kid and out of the blue, uh, I get this news that I ve got it.
3
SPEAKER_00
So you had the ticking clock thing.
3
SPEAKER_00
And out of nowhere, it s a great shot.
3
SPEAKER_00
By the way, I m very proud of it.
3
SPEAKER_00
I hear something at the door.
3
SPEAKER_00
I start to slowly walk out the door.
3
SPEAKER_00
A really beautiful shot comes down, and the door swings open.
3
SPEAKER_00
And you see Marsden there, who is unbelievably good in this movie.
3
SPEAKER_00
his hands wrapped, sweating bullets, emotional, kind of crying.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I go, who the fuck is this guy?
3
SPEAKER_00
And it turns out he s my son.
3
SPEAKER_00
And so he comes back to, he s in, he s in big trouble.
3
SPEAKER_00
And so we, it s this thing of me trying to pull this deal off.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m trying, I m speaking in a way where I don t, I don t too much of it, trying to pull this deal off with my, with this, with Marsden s character.
3
SPEAKER_00
Before i m totally gone so i progressively get worse as i try to basically get him out of the jam to put it mildly.
3
SPEAKER_00
I was saying i keep saying this i need to stop saying it.
3
SPEAKER_00
I go, where do people see James Marsden in this?
3
SPEAKER_00
They re going to be knocked out.
3
SPEAKER_00
Truth is, I don t think actors will be.
3
SPEAKER_00
I think people will go, yeah, I knew the guy could do it.
3
SPEAKER_00
I ve seen a lot of his stuff.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s harder for some of those handsome boys to break through that thing.
3
SPEAKER_02
Oh, I know.
3
SPEAKER_02
Dead to me.
3
SPEAKER_02
He was so brilliant and dead to me.
3
SPEAKER_02
Amazing.
3
SPEAKER_02
And I think that what I love about this, and it must have been an interesting challenge for you, is you take a guy who s a hit man, he s a badass, he s got his wits.
3
SPEAKER_02
That s the way I see it.
3
SPEAKER_02
And then slowly but surely, it s like Superman having a little bit of kryptonite in his spandex.
3
SPEAKER_02
Slowly but surely, he s losing his superpower.
3
SPEAKER_02
And so, and there s a race against time.
3
SPEAKER_02
Is that kind of the engine of it?
3
SPEAKER_02
And you had to play this little demented, little more demented, little more demented?
3
SPEAKER_00
Shot everything out of order, especially when you only have 24 days, no luxury to say, well, we need to shoot in order.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I was always checking.
3
SPEAKER_00
And here s what I wouldn t do again.
3
SPEAKER_00
I actually liked
3
SPEAKER_00
directing myself.
3
SPEAKER_00
I ve done it twice now.
3
SPEAKER_00
And three times when I did the Letterman thing, the Letterman film festival, which you guys I m sure have seen.
3
SPEAKER_00
But you save a lot of time.
3
SPEAKER_00
But the problem, what I wouldn t do, I wouldn t do this, I wouldn t play the lead this hard, this complex, where you go, wait, where am I now?
3
SPEAKER_00
What am I doing now?
3
SPEAKER_00
How bad off am I, you know?
3
SPEAKER_00
It s like when I did Multiplicity, that was, well, that s a show in and of itself we should do because making that was insane and so much fun.
3
SPEAKER_00
But, well, you ll appreciate this.
3
SPEAKER_00
Sorry to go off.
3
SPEAKER_00
I really should be selling this movie better.
3
SPEAKER_02
Five characters.
3
SPEAKER_02
Five?
3
SPEAKER_00
Or is there more?
3
SPEAKER_00
Ten?
3
SPEAKER_00
And I didn t want to do the fat suit thing or the
3
SPEAKER_00
changing the makeup thing, like, wow, you know, now he s got a big nose.
3
SPEAKER_00
I wanted to do well, if he s just off a little, you know, except for the one guy who was totally off, and I totally stole from Jerry Lewis for that.
3
SPEAKER_00
But if you, if you go off a little bit, he s just off a little bit, but how we would do it, you re the perfect two people to talk to about this.
3
SPEAKER_00
there d be a ping pong ball on a night stand, a light stand or something, and you re off it.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then we hired a couple of these younger actors who were great if I needed something to bounce off of.
3
SPEAKER_00
But while I was doing it, if I was, let s say I was playing three,
3
SPEAKER_00
who was the real sensitive guy.
3
SPEAKER_00
I d think of an idea knowing I m gonna be around the other side talking to one of my other guys and I d go, oh, so I d have to set myself up ahead of time.
3
SPEAKER_01
To react on the other side?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then you go, wait, we might not shoot that for a week.
3
SPEAKER_00
You know what I mean?
3
SPEAKER_00
So I m going, oh man, I gotta remember that thing.
3
SPEAKER_00
How do I do that?
3
SPEAKER_00
Or I d make a note or something.
3
SPEAKER_00
Do you guys, did you guys work, are you a writer downer?
3
SPEAKER_00
Like Chris Rock is so unbelievably organized.
3
SPEAKER_00
His work ethic is so good, I think, from what I know of him.
3
SPEAKER_00
But I was listening to Bill Burr talk the other day, he says, nah, I don t do that at all.
3
SPEAKER_00
I just kind of, I see something.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t really go over it in my head.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t want to write it.
3
SPEAKER_00
I know it.
3
SPEAKER_00
I get up on stage and I just start doing it.
3
SPEAKER_01
No, not me.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I write down a lot and I have to remember inflections.
3
SPEAKER_01
And now I ve gotten to the point where I audio record it because of inflections and a different way to deliver it.
3
SPEAKER_01
So I can remember.
3
SPEAKER_01
And Dana.
3
SPEAKER_02
For me personally, I think that the style I like to do was really best in small clubs and the club that made me was San Francisco in the Haight-Ashbury, the other cafe.
3
SPEAKER_02
Because you re playing honky-tonk bars and the blender s going, show us your dick, you know, that kind of stuff.
3
SPEAKER_02
But for me, a small room where I m coming onto this stuff is the most exhilarating.
3
SPEAKER_02
I get the redundancy of standup, word for word, gets really hard for me.
3
SPEAKER_02
So I try to deconstruct it.
3
SPEAKER_02
I try to make myself laugh.
3
SPEAKER_02
I try to surprise myself.
3
SPEAKER_02
But if it is like two or three thousand people, I lose a lot.
3
SPEAKER_02
So if I did another standup special, I d want to do it in a really small room, 30 seats, 40 seats.
3
SPEAKER_02
That d be the best.
3
SPEAKER_00
Truly.
3
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
3
SPEAKER_02
I remember when you were headlining the punchline.
3
SPEAKER_02
They said this guy, Markle Clotton, they never got your name.
3
SPEAKER_02
Markle Clotton is playing the punchline.
3
SPEAKER_02
Markle Clotton, who s he?
3
SPEAKER_02
But you were a really great standup.
3
SPEAKER_02
I mean, you were a headliner.
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, not as good as you guys, because people don t know how hard it is to get to where you guys are to get that good, how much work there is and how difficult it is.
3
SPEAKER_00
No one really appreciates it.
3
SPEAKER_00
I was on a movie once a long, long, long, long time ago and this guy goes,
4
SPEAKER_02
We re talking about stand-up.
4
SPEAKER_02
And he s an actor, not a famous actor, just some guy playing and talking.
4
SPEAKER_02
And I ll never forget this.
4
SPEAKER_02
He said it like this.
4
SPEAKER_02
He said, huh?
4
SPEAKER_02
He said, yeah, I never did stand-up.
4
SPEAKER_02
I didn t say anything, but I thought, dude, you have no fucking idea how hard it is to get to the level.
4
SPEAKER_02
You know what I mean?
4
SPEAKER_02
Like, yeah, I probably could have done it if I wanted, you know?
4
SPEAKER_01
They don t understand because they re funny at the Christmas party.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then they don t know to be funny on demand when you have a migraine and you just bit your tongue and you re so bored and you re tired and then you got to go out and dismantle the room.
4
SPEAKER_01
That takes a long time.
4
SPEAKER_02
And you remember when there were like 11 standups, you know, now there s 11 in my house somewhere.
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, influencers go out, young women or men, and they do the two minutes, and they put it on YouTube, and then they try to put them at the Chuckle Hut in Fresno, and they re going to do an hour, and it doesn t work.
4
SPEAKER_02
like people now in comedy, don t you think?
4
SPEAKER_02
And really good standups, like really, really a lot.
4
SPEAKER_02
You would think that couldn t happen, you know, just the numbers wouldn t work, you know, but there are, there really are.
4
SPEAKER_00
People are getting good at it.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Michael, is this, I think I ve asked you this, um, just out in the world, but did, was one of your jokes, what if it s bad?
4
SPEAKER_00
And I say it s you, but I like it where you say I landed in Minnesota and it was three degrees.
4
SPEAKER_00
I was like, why be any?
4
SPEAKER_02
I actually landed somewhere today.
4
SPEAKER_02
was one degree, one, and I said, well, I have any.
4
SPEAKER_00
I say that so much.
4
SPEAKER_00
I try to attribute it to you.
4
SPEAKER_00
Sometimes it slips my mind, but overall- Oh, wait a minute.
4
SPEAKER_01
I had a joke like that, or it wasn t near as good, but how did people reminisce in the year two?
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, remember early one?
4
SPEAKER_00
Let s go back to those days.
4
SPEAKER_00
Same kind of joke.
4
SPEAKER_02
I was shitty at jokes, though.
4
SPEAKER_02
I never really told jokes really well.
4
SPEAKER_01
You were a rhythm actor guy.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
You did the gangster guy, which Lovett said it was you later on, but whatever.
4
SPEAKER_01
But I know that you did that kind of, yeah, that s the guy, that s the ticket, right?
4
SPEAKER_01
You did characters, attitudes.
4
SPEAKER_02
Well, 30 s lying.
4
SPEAKER_02
I remember writing, I go, in old movies, you ve got a guy s lying.
4
SPEAKER_02
Poor guy.
4
SPEAKER_02
Everybody was beating up over that.
4
SPEAKER_02
I thought, please let this man off the hook.
4
SPEAKER_02
The thing he does is probably his own thing.
4
SPEAKER_02
I have no idea.
4
SPEAKER_02
Anyway, I should be probably selling my movie more.
4
SPEAKER_02
I m sorry I m bad at this, but it s really good.
4
SPEAKER_02
I hope everybody goes.
4
SPEAKER_02
I d love talking to you guys about this stuff.
4
SPEAKER_00
Well, by the way, selling it, I think you ve sold this hook because when I saw the trailer, I don t want to know anything else.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m just like, I m already in.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t want to know all the tricks because you ll start to figure it out maybe.
4
SPEAKER_00
Also, I ran into Mila Kunis.
4
SPEAKER_00
Two nights ago.
4
SPEAKER_00
Are you doing something with Mila?
4
SPEAKER_02
It s actually a comedy.
4
SPEAKER_02
It s not hard, hard comedy.
4
SPEAKER_02
She s a really nice girl, woman.
4
SPEAKER_02
And Hallie Meyers, who s Nancy Meyers  daughter, wrote it.
4
SPEAKER_02
Oh, okay.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_02
And it s this really nice little movie.
4
SPEAKER_02
It s softish, you know, very kind of emotional, but sweet.
4
SPEAKER_02
It s really good.
4
SPEAKER_02
This woman, Hallie, is so interesting.
4
SPEAKER_02
She s really smart.
4
SPEAKER_02
Uh, and she s so loves comedy and she s so she s very old school.
4
SPEAKER_02
She loves old classic movies and she s young.
4
SPEAKER_02
I mean, she s in her thirties, I think.
4
SPEAKER_02
Uh, um, and here s, what s really funny.
4
SPEAKER_02
I was at, I was at, I was actually talking with Marty short.
4
SPEAKER_02
I was at her mom s party once.
4
SPEAKER_02
I don t go to a lot of parties, but I was at her mom s party once right up the road here one time.
4
SPEAKER_02
And this, she said, come here, I want you to meet my daughter.
4
SPEAKER_02
And she was like a teenager.
4
SPEAKER_02
And so she, you know, this kid was like 14, 15 years old at the time.
4
SPEAKER_02
And she was a massive fan.
4
SPEAKER_02
Like she knew everything I did.
4
SPEAKER_02
And she was shy and everything.
4
SPEAKER_02
And she said, no, she said, this girl is like your number one fan.
4
SPEAKER_02
She was like a little kid.
4
SPEAKER_02
And then she ended up directing.
4
SPEAKER_02
which is kind of cool.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then you get to be in something with, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
And Nancy, who was one of the best ever of that genre.
4
SPEAKER_01
Did she do, what was the Diane Keaton movie with Sam Shepard?
4
SPEAKER_01
She goes out in the country.
4
SPEAKER_01
Sorry.
4
SPEAKER_01
Do we have a winner?
4
SPEAKER_01
But I think it was a Nancy Meyers.
4
SPEAKER_01
She makes pretty movies that were just so irresistible.
4
SPEAKER_01
So many.
4
SPEAKER_01
Mama, baby, something, I can t, my wife s not here.
4
SPEAKER_01
Anyway, here s a question I have for you, who might be a non sequitur.
4
SPEAKER_01
How much, if they could do a movie with AI, where they would make a virtual you, but you didn t have to be in it, how much would they have to pay you for you to give them permission?
4
SPEAKER_02
A whole lot, and you know what?
4
SPEAKER_02
A whole lot.
4
SPEAKER_02
A guy I know who was way ahead of his years ago, in fact, another friend of mine, I went to see him here in a couple days, hit me to this,
4
SPEAKER_02
so long ago, said, here s what s going to happen.
4
SPEAKER_02
And he totally called it.
4
SPEAKER_02
And this was like, I m telling you, he said this to me 20, I ll bet you 20 years or more.
4
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
4
SPEAKER_00
So scale plus 10.
4
SPEAKER_00
I had another thing for Michael.
4
SPEAKER_00
I know we re grading his nerves, but it s almost over.
4
SPEAKER_00
When I just rewatched, actually just asked Adam about the,
4
SPEAKER_00
The Farley bit where you beat the shit out of him.
4
SPEAKER_01
Grandma and her boy, whatever, you and Chris and Adam and the dress rehearsal is on YouTube, which is next level.
4
SPEAKER_01
But also the way you beat the shit out of Farley and the way Farley would throw his body around.
4
SPEAKER_01
That sketch, watch it this morning.
4
SPEAKER_01
It is irresistibly funny.
4
SPEAKER_01
And talk about Three Stooges.
4
SPEAKER_01
You are just, you re grabbing his nose at one point.
4
SPEAKER_01
Was that your idea?
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, that s one of my favorite things I ever did.
4
SPEAKER_02
You know, I ve never been good on that show, particularly.
4
SPEAKER_02
There are a couple of shots here and there, but I was never really very good on it, really.
4
SPEAKER_02
I don t think, but, but, but that was so, so fun.
4
SPEAKER_02
And that, that group of you guys was really fun.
4
SPEAKER_02
Nice, nice, welcoming.
4
SPEAKER_02
group of guys, but I would tell you this, not to get that spade.
4
SPEAKER_02
Well, first of all, you guys make me so fucking happy when I watch you.
4
SPEAKER_02
You make me laugh so hard.
4
SPEAKER_02
I thought, how great is it that I get to hang out and talk to these guys?
4
SPEAKER_02
Cause I don t see you in life that often.
4
SPEAKER_02
I run into a spade down there and all you guys have done.
4
SPEAKER_02
I mean, honestly, Dana, you make me laugh so fucking hard.
4
SPEAKER_02
It s crazy.
4
SPEAKER_02
And spade, you, you, you did something one time.
4
SPEAKER_02
I, you know, every goes through some up and down stuff.
4
SPEAKER_02
Right.
4
SPEAKER_02
And I was in a, not a great spot.
4
SPEAKER_02
Right.
4
SPEAKER_02
One, two, you know, up and a happy guy there for a minute.
4
SPEAKER_02
And, uh, my wonderful older sister passed away.
4
SPEAKER_02
came out, she was hanging out with me because she was feeling bad for me.
4
SPEAKER_02
She said, let s go to the movies.
4
SPEAKER_02
She talked me into going to the movies.
4
SPEAKER_02
I said, I don t know.
4
SPEAKER_02
I wasn t moping, you know, I m not a moper.
4
SPEAKER_02
I was like, let s go to the movies.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I just go, you know, it s kind of like keeping it all into my unhealthy self.
4
SPEAKER_02
And I said, all right, all right, let s go see.
4
SPEAKER_02
Fucking Tommy Boy, man, it s hard to get funnier than that, right?
4
SPEAKER_01
I see, oh yeah, oh yeah, I mean.
4
SPEAKER_01
I think it s, I think in its own world, it s a perfect movie.
4
SPEAKER_02
And I thought, man, how lucky am I?
4
SPEAKER_02
So that picked me up for about an hour.
4
SPEAKER_02
After that, I was pretty much back down.
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, when you have a 40 year career, I don t know when your first movie like 81, 82.
4
SPEAKER_01
Ron Howard, by the way, what s the deal with that guy?
4
SPEAKER_01
I mean, come on.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m such an asshole.
4
SPEAKER_01
The Dalai Lama decided to be a director.
4
SPEAKER_01
That s why I described Ron Howard s vibe.
4
SPEAKER_01
But when you have a 45 year career, you have to have some dips.
4
SPEAKER_01
Even Jimmy Stewart and Henry Fonda did sitcoms in the early seventies.
4
SPEAKER_02
I just wasn t a bad, I wasn t career wise.
4
SPEAKER_02
I don t really think.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh, it was just a bad mental place.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_02
I don t think I was never like a career guy, you know, that I, I was, I m a shitty card player and I m a,
4
SPEAKER_02
Uh, I mean, horrible.
4
SPEAKER_02
Like I don t even know how to play.
4
SPEAKER_02
I don t know how to gamble real.
4
SPEAKER_02
I can play blackjack cause that s not too hard to understand, but I m horrible.
4
SPEAKER_02
But with me, like taking risks and stuff, never even thought about it.
4
SPEAKER_02
Don t even think about it.
4
SPEAKER_02
I go, yeah, I ll take a shot at that.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_02
Which is stupid basically, you know, but I always gambled on myself.
4
SPEAKER_02
So I never looked at like, Oh boy, this is not, I mean, I m not nuts.
4
SPEAKER_02
I look at something and I hope it really does well.
4
SPEAKER_02
Or sometimes you do it because you go, I can financially really do well here.
4
SPEAKER_02
If this does well.
4
SPEAKER_02
But mostly it was about, wow, I never did that, or I wonder if I could do that, or that s pretty interesting.
4
SPEAKER_02
You know, I really miss doing a comedy.
4
SPEAKER_02
That I miss a lot.
4
SPEAKER_02
But it s just hard to find one that s really funny, you know?
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, I think that people from afar feel that about you.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like, you re not like a celebrity, you know?
4
SPEAKER_01
And that s different than being a great, funny, dramatic actor.
4
SPEAKER_01
with a career.
4
SPEAKER_01
There s no sense.
4
SPEAKER_01
And by looking at your Wikipedia page, you go, oh, that movie, oh, that movie.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh, and then you did that, and then you ve got Dope Sick, and you re doing, you get the Emmy for that.
4
SPEAKER_01
And it s been remarkably consistent.
5
SPEAKER_02
now that you see it, and varied.
5
SPEAKER_02
But I want to ask you this one question.
5
SPEAKER_02
There is, in my mind, what I call a sleeper movie.
5
SPEAKER_02
It s not necessarily a blockbuster.
5
SPEAKER_02
A sleeper movie is when your friends are coming over, relatives, and you go, let s put on a movie.
5
SPEAKER_02
Have you ever seen this movie?
5
SPEAKER_02
And you know they re going to like it.
5
SPEAKER_02
and you have a sleeper movie, every time I ve said to someone, oh, we re looking for something to watch tonight, and it s an easy movie to watch, I go, watch The Founder.
5
SPEAKER_02
You knew it?
5
SPEAKER_02
You knew he was gonna say it.
5
SPEAKER_02
Every time they go, oh my God, the founder, and even recently in the last few months, thank you.
5
SPEAKER_02
It s just, it s so good.
5
SPEAKER_02
You get to learn all about McDonald s.
5
SPEAKER_02
It s a true story.
5
SPEAKER_02
I m gonna watch it.
5
SPEAKER_02
And you are, I assume you would feel it like just so in the pocket.
5
SPEAKER_02
You re like the guy.
5
SPEAKER_02
And the fact they got you to play Ray Kroc,
5
SPEAKER_02
It s the kind of thing where you go, nah, no one else could have played it as good as Keaton in that particular part.
5
SPEAKER_02
And I say the same thing to Owen Wilson.
5
SPEAKER_02
His sleeper movie, maybe it s a little more high profile, is Midnight in Paris, especially with women.
5
SPEAKER_02
I mean, if you have not seen Midnight in Paris, watch that movie.
5
SPEAKER_02
But the founder is yours.
5
SPEAKER_01
I really like that movie.
5
SPEAKER_01
Proud of it.
5
SPEAKER_01
And that was Harvey Weinstein totally burying it because he
5
SPEAKER_01
was caught up in this before the he was exposed and all that but he he kind of downplayed it and uh and people were screaming at him angry you know some of the executives he wasn t pushing it enough and uh I remember everybody getting excited about it I said let me tell you you can say it to his face because Billy Bob Thornton did this Billy Bob Thornton once directly said to him called him every name
5
SPEAKER_01
right to his face and you dig, you liar, you ding, you ding, you re this, this.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I said, you can say anything you want to this guy, trust me when I tell you, there s no, he ll just look at you and go.
5
SPEAKER_01
Hey, you want to grab some lunch?
5
SPEAKER_01
He could not care less.
5
SPEAKER_01
He could not care less.
5
SPEAKER_01
I swear to you.
5
SPEAKER_01
So I said, you re, he ain t going to do anything if he doesn t want to do it.
5
SPEAKER_01
I never cared for him personally, but, uh, but I said, don t get excited about it.
5
SPEAKER_01
You know, this is it.
5
SPEAKER_02
Whatever, whatever happened to that guy, Harvey Weinstein, whatever happened.
5
SPEAKER_01
He s got a little, he s got a belly.
5
SPEAKER_00
You know, Michael, I would never compare careers, but I ve done movies and the sort of, Dana put it in a nice way because it s a great movie, but when people say ones about me, they go, you know the one I actually liked?
5
SPEAKER_00
And then I go, you can stop there, I don t want to hear it.
5
SPEAKER_01
No, I don t want to, like some guy came up to me, one guy once said to me, hey, I really like some of your movies.
5
SPEAKER_01
That s pretty good.
5
SPEAKER_00
What are they?
5
SPEAKER_00
I ll take that.
5
SPEAKER_00
Actually, you shouldn t take that.
5
SPEAKER_00
I ll take it.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I appreciate you saying that about Tommy Boy, because like like like you and that sketch that you did and you on the show, I think you did one called Dirty Eyes to maybe.
5
SPEAKER_00
But when you re when you get that close to the Farley and in the pocket like that, it s just so fucking fun.
5
SPEAKER_00
It was just a gift.
5
SPEAKER_00
And you got to do it too.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s so fun.
5
SPEAKER_02
And you really, I don t want to repeat myself, but you just beat the hell out of it.
5
SPEAKER_02
It made it even funnier.
5
SPEAKER_02
And Farley loves that.
5
SPEAKER_02
Hit me harder, Michael.
5
SPEAKER_02
Oh yeah.
5
SPEAKER_02
Right.
5
SPEAKER_02
There s no harder, harder.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
Which, you know, could be examined.
5
SPEAKER_01
I shrank some shirt.
5
SPEAKER_02
That was like a Three Stooges sketch in the sense you re coming out, what s going on?
5
SPEAKER_02
What the hell s going on here?
5
SPEAKER_02
And then you just beat the shit out of Fari.
5
SPEAKER_02
Go back in the room.
5
SPEAKER_02
Then you come in the G-string with the leopard G-string.
5
SPEAKER_02
What the hell s going on here?
5
SPEAKER_00
It s called Bobby Watches Grandma on YouTube.
5
SPEAKER_00
Michael, thank you.
5
SPEAKER_00
You re a stud and I m gonna look for both movies.
5
SPEAKER_00
and Beetlejuice, of course, in September.
5
SPEAKER_01
Get a meal after.
5
SPEAKER_01
All right, fellas.
5
SPEAKER_01
Thank you very much.
5
SPEAKER_00
We enjoyed it.
5
SPEAKER_00
Take care, Michael.
5
SPEAKER_00
This has been a presentation of Odyssey.
5
SPEAKER_00
Please follow, subscribe, leave a like, a review, all this stuff.
5
SPEAKER_00
Smash that button, whatever it is, wherever you get your podcasts.
5
SPEAKER_00
Fly on the Wall is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss, Berman of Odyssey, Charlie Finan of Brillstein Entertainment, and Heather Santoro.
5
SPEAKER_00
The show s lead producer is Greg Holtzman.