0
SPEAKER_00
Call from Tommy.
0
SPEAKER_01
Talk to me, Tommy.
0
SPEAKER_01
Mahan, man.
0
SPEAKER_01
What s up?
0
SPEAKER_01
How are you?
0
SPEAKER_01
What s going on?
0
SPEAKER_01
How are you, sir?
0
SPEAKER_01
I m doing okay.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m trying my best.
0
SPEAKER_01
What s up?
0
SPEAKER_01
How s it going?
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, it s going.
0
SPEAKER_00
I ve got a bit to unfold, but I have a wonderful surprise at the end.
0
SPEAKER_01
You said you have a bit to unfold and a wonderful surprise at the end.
0
SPEAKER_01
Is that what you just said?
0
SPEAKER_00
That is exactly what I said.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
0
SPEAKER_01
Well, unfold right into my, into my ass.
0
SPEAKER_01
Hit me.
0
SPEAKER_01
What s going on?
0
SPEAKER_00
All right.
0
SPEAKER_00
So start this out.
0
SPEAKER_00
Me and my ex broke up back in December, had to move back with my parents, uh, like an hour away or so.
0
SPEAKER_00
I m in, I m in New York, Connecticut area.
0
SPEAKER_00
Um,
0
SPEAKER_00
I don t know, it s been super hard.
0
SPEAKER_00
I worked for her brother, doing welding and stuff.
0
SPEAKER_00
He didn t want me to stay.
0
SPEAKER_00
I was like, I don t know, I just need to get all of it out of my life.
0
SPEAKER_00
Her brother, it s any connection with her.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I don t know, sorry, I m a little, I didn t think you were gonna answer.
0
SPEAKER_01
You said you broke up with your girlfriend?
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah, we broke up.
0
SPEAKER_00
You know, a little bit toxic drinking, getting into fights and shit.
0
SPEAKER_01
And, uh, okay.
0
SPEAKER_00
What s, uh, or both, both party animals.
0
SPEAKER_01
But so what, what kind of, tell me more about this toxicity.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, just late night.
0
SPEAKER_00
She was, she was a server at a restaurant and, uh, like summertime, she got home at two, three in the morning.
0
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
0
SPEAKER_00
Food and Bev industry.
0
SPEAKER_00
Usually, you know, you have a few drinks at the end of the night, whenever she d come home, fucking blasted.
0
SPEAKER_00
And I d be like, what the fuck?
0
SPEAKER_00
Uh, I don t know.
0
SPEAKER_00
Anytime, like, you know, we d go out, she would just, I don t know, sort of throw me to the side, I guess.
0
SPEAKER_00
And I get fucked up and we get home, everything be cool.
0
SPEAKER_00
And then we fucking just fight over some random stuff.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_01
I don t, I don t know you and I don t know your life, but from what you are telling me right now, it sounds like this breakup was a good thing.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh yeah, definitely.
0
SPEAKER_00
Uh, yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
Definitely good for me.
0
SPEAKER_00
mental health and probably, probably a little bit of physical health too, but, uh, started working back at one, you know, got up to my parents, took like a month off of work, had some money saved.
0
SPEAKER_00
So just chilling, being depressed in my parents  fucking basement.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
There we go.
0
SPEAKER_00
Which is cool.
0
SPEAKER_00
I gotta do that sometimes.
0
SPEAKER_01
You do, you gotta do that sometimes.
0
SPEAKER_01
You absolutely gotta do that sometimes.
0
SPEAKER_01
What the fuck was I gonna say?
0
SPEAKER_01
So how long ago was this?
0
SPEAKER_00
Early December, like mid-December.
0
SPEAKER_00
Like in the teens, December teens.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay, so it s been a few months?
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it s been a few months.
0
SPEAKER_00
I m definitely doing a lot better.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh good, what s been better?
0
SPEAKER_00
Uh, I guess, well, I, I m sorry.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_00
So where she lives, she was like 40 minutes away from me from the town that I like grew up in.
0
SPEAKER_00
So that was like six, seven months after we started dating, we were like, you know, she had to get a new apartment.
0
SPEAKER_00
Cause she got, uh, you know, we got a dog and dog wasn t allowed in the old apartment.
0
SPEAKER_00
Well, I guess we didn t get it.
0
SPEAKER_00
She got a dog.
0
SPEAKER_00
So, uh, I was like, you know, why don t I, why don t we move in together?
0
SPEAKER_00
We already, you know, we d like each other.
0
SPEAKER_00
We knew we were in it for the longterm for the most part, but it s a move a little quick.
0
SPEAKER_00
But, um, I, you know, I, I moved down to where she was from and left like, you know, my family didn t leave them, you know, 40 minutes, not like it s hours away, but you know, left my family, friends and stuff, got a little distant with my friends.
0
SPEAKER_00
Sort of happens to a lot of people when you get into a relationship.
0
SPEAKER_00
No.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, absolutely.
0
SPEAKER_01
So did you rekindle your relationship with your friends now that you are not?
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
I mean, it was, it was never like, I never burned any bridges.
0
SPEAKER_00
Like I was always talking to them.
0
SPEAKER_00
Anytime I was up here, I d go, you know, hit them up and stuff.
0
SPEAKER_00
And, uh,
0
SPEAKER_00
We were hanging out every once in a while.
0
SPEAKER_00
It definitely wasn t as close.
0
SPEAKER_00
We weren t catching up as much.
0
SPEAKER_00
I could play Xbox with a couple of my friends from down there, which was cool.
0
SPEAKER_00
But now that I m back up here, I m definitely rekindled with all my boys been hanging out, which is cool.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay, that s good.
0
SPEAKER_00
I ve been abusing Adderall a bit.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay, Adderall, I knew it was a drug.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, oh yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
What s going on with you Adderall?
0
SPEAKER_00
I worked long hours, worked 11 hour days, went back to my old job at a pizzeria I worked at like during high school and stuff.
0
SPEAKER_00
All the guys there that were like a big family there, like I m super close with them forever.
0
SPEAKER_01
I can t decide if a pizza made by five dudes on Adderall would be better or worse than a pizza made by five dudes not on Adderall.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I m sure.
0
SPEAKER_01
We ll get that shit to you in 20 minutes or less.
0
SPEAKER_01
Fuck, 30.
0
SPEAKER_00
We don t deliver, though.
0
SPEAKER_00
We do not deliver.
0
SPEAKER_01
You don t deliver?
0
SPEAKER_01
Then what s the Adderall for?
0
SPEAKER_00
I don t know, just for fucking get through the day with all the shitty fucking customers.
0
SPEAKER_01
Um, okay.
0
SPEAKER_01
So this was three months ago.
0
SPEAKER_01
What s, what are you doing with your life now?
0
SPEAKER_01
Are you, you, dude, I don t know.
0
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I don t know your life.
0
SPEAKER_01
I don t know what your feelings, but, uh, I mean, hanging out with your boys and making pizzas, it s good life in my, from where I sit, you know, what do you want more?
0
SPEAKER_01
Do you, what s going on?
0
SPEAKER_01
What s missing?
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, it sucks being lonely.
0
SPEAKER_00
All my friends, like my closer, closer friends are in like, like serious relationships and stuff.
0
SPEAKER_00
And it s just like, like my buddy s birthday was last week, went over to his house and like, I mean, I m the fucking like 10th, 11th wheel there.
0
SPEAKER_00
And everyone just falls.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
We re just fine.
0
SPEAKER_00
You know, whatever.
0
SPEAKER_00
I m not like, I don t want to sound like, you know, I m like fucking jealous or anything.
0
SPEAKER_00
Cause I m not, I m very happy for that method.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
No, I get you.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
A little bit of a, I ve been drinking a little bit more than usual.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
I ve been drinking a lot of peanut butter and jelly.
0
SPEAKER_01
yeah um I so get it I ve had a couple times where I ve had anxiety that was just like anxiety or loneliness that was just like so I m not a big alcohol guy I m not a big drink I ve mainly been like a big pot smoker my my whole life but I ve had a few times where it might just anxiety or my loneliness was so bad that I was like um fuck it let s just get drunk so that we can like numb the feelings
0
SPEAKER_01
and i did it and every single time i m like oh i a hundred percent understand how people become alcoholics it makes so much sense because it just numbs it numbs these feelings that are so like difficult to
0
SPEAKER_01
Difficult to not like a difficult to deal with and then be impossible to Solve I don t want to say impossible because I like to be optimistic and I do think that your level of optimism is a strong indicator of the quality of your life and
0
SPEAKER_01
So I like to remain optimistic that these feelings that you re trying to numb are solvable, but they re really hard, even with the wealth of information to solve them, because like, you know, people are like, even like loneliness is difficult to solve in the sense of
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh, you re lonely, go get friends or go get a relationship.
0
SPEAKER_01
But then it s like, even if you do that successfully, I mean, look what happens, you know, with you.
0
SPEAKER_01
You were in this relationship, you were with this woman, but it was it wasn t it ended up badly with, you know, all the drinking and the and the fighting.
0
SPEAKER_01
So it s like whether you re whether you want to be alone or you want to integrate other people into your life, you re going to run into into conflict, you know, conflict.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s really hard to
0
SPEAKER_01
to deal with.
0
SPEAKER_01
So it s like, why not just get pissed and not have to, you know, just decide to not show up for work, metaphorically.
0
SPEAKER_01
You know, not show up for the work of life.
0
SPEAKER_00
Hell yeah, brother.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I don t know if that s a hell yeah, brother.
0
SPEAKER_01
I don t know if that is a hell yeah, brother.
0
SPEAKER_01
I don t know if that is necessarily a hell yeah, brother.
0
SPEAKER_01
Cuz I I d like to think that there s something I d like to think that the the there s nobility and showing up for the work of life and dealing with things instead of Getting drunk and numbing them.
0
SPEAKER_00
But well, no, no, I wasn t hell.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, brother Condoning.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh, yeah, sure.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, but I See, that s why I said I d like to think that I don t know the answer to any of this shit that I m amusing with you about
1
SPEAKER_01
But, so you re feeling lonely.
1
SPEAKER_00
Um, and you know, I m trying to, I ve been hitting, you know, asking my friends, like I have two groups of friends, like pizzeria guys I m super, super close with.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I have like my high school friends that are like my brothers in a sense, you know, my friends from school or whatever.
1
SPEAKER_00
And, uh, I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_00
I ve been hitting them up.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m like, yo guys, you guys want to go out so I can say, actually want to go out, you know, help me find a, you know,
1
SPEAKER_00
I could tell them to talk to her, so not help me, you know, come out with me.
1
SPEAKER_00
I can go fuckin  try and talk to some girls or something.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I realize there s always some excuses and that, I can t, I can t, so.
1
SPEAKER_00
Pizzeria guys have been for me a lot more, but uh, I don t know, I just feel like I also don t really have too much support from my brother friends on this, more than like, I don t know, a little less than what I would like at least.
1
SPEAKER_00
And you know, I ve tried, tried reaching out, tried talking with them and everything.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t know what I m getting at here.
1
SPEAKER_00
No, you want the boys in your corner.
1
SPEAKER_01
The boys are always in my corner.
1
SPEAKER_00
How old are you?
1
SPEAKER_00
I m 26.
1
SPEAKER_01
This is hard.
1
SPEAKER_00
When you get older, your friends start to have their own lives.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, which is fine.
1
SPEAKER_01
I get that 100%.
1
SPEAKER_01
No, but it s stressful it really is it s stressful stressful when you like your friends are like everyone s like kind of like you start out like we re all in this together and then everyone it s just like a natural part of growing up like everyone starts to form their own lives and You re looking at your own light.
1
SPEAKER_01
You re looking at your own little sandcastle and you re kind of trying to make sure that it is like
1
SPEAKER_01
It s hard it s hard to build your soundcastle alone Yeah, it s hard it s hard to build your sandcastle alone in your parents basement, it s hard Yeah
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, all right, well, I guess that about does it on that.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s so depressing.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s so depressing what you just did.
1
SPEAKER_01
It really was so depressing.
1
SPEAKER_01
You were like, yep, sucks.
1
SPEAKER_01
Anyway, thanks for picking up my call.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m going to go... I don t want to go fucking toaster in the bathroom.
1
SPEAKER_00
So what I really...
1
SPEAKER_00
Want to call that you know that breakup thing definitely helps.
1
SPEAKER_00
Thank you, but okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
I have I have your fucking doppelganger I Have your doppelganger Works at the pizzeria.
1
SPEAKER_00
He is actually not an Adderall one or a drinker so He s a California sober Sally What if what makes him my doppelganger
1
SPEAKER_00
He s your twin.
1
SPEAKER_00
He s you.
1
SPEAKER_00
I do that at the pizzeria.
1
SPEAKER_00
So I started watching you maybe a year give or take ago, you know, maybe 10 months or whatever.
1
SPEAKER_00
And as soon as you came up on my Instagram feed randomly, I was like, suggested post.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I thought it was him.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, what the fuck?
1
SPEAKER_00
I texted him.
1
SPEAKER_00
I was like, yo Anthony, I was like, this isn t you, right?
1
SPEAKER_00
I was like, it s sort of, you know, sort of doesn t look like you, but he s your twin.
1
SPEAKER_00
Not that that doesn t make sense, but he is your fucking twin.
1
SPEAKER_01
Does he look like me?
1
SPEAKER_01
Does he act like me?
1
SPEAKER_01
How is he my twin?
1
SPEAKER_00
Dude, you look and sound exactly alike.
1
SPEAKER_01
Put him on the phone.
1
SPEAKER_00
He s not with me right now, but is there any way I can send a picture of him to you?
1
SPEAKER_00
Because I think you guys need to do a fucking live show together or a live stream together.
1
SPEAKER_00
Both of you dressed up as geckos.
1
SPEAKER_01
No, I m not going to do that, but send me a picture of him.
1
SPEAKER_00
Can I just do it through this chat?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, do it through the phone number that you re on right now.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, I do it right now?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, sure, sure, sure.
1
SPEAKER_01
What, how do you, uh, how, what is he like?
1
SPEAKER_01
How s he like me?
1
SPEAKER_01
What s he like as a person?
1
SPEAKER_00
He s just like, he s just like the most oddball person in a great way.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s funny as hell.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_00
He s been like the closest with me right now with this like, can you hear me?
1
SPEAKER_00
With this relationship and everything.
1
SPEAKER_00
And, uh, yeah, sorry.
1
SPEAKER_00
And, um,
1
SPEAKER_00
Dude, I don t know, he s just like, I don t know, we just fuck around, fuck with people.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, at the pizzeria, we got another guy, like I m 6 7 , fuckin  skinny, fuckin  white dude.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I got another guy who works here, 6 5 , skinny, you know, white dude.
1
SPEAKER_00
So everyone thinks we re brothers, so, I don t know, we just fuck with customers.
1
SPEAKER_00
Not fuck with them in like a mean way, but, you know, we use it like a little, like it s our stage, we just fuckin ... I m sorry, you re 6 7 ?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yes, sir, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
You re like- you re like literally- you re two of me.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m like three foot four.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m like two feet tall.
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, I m- how tall am I?
1
SPEAKER_00
I m like, uh... Someone in the chat just said Geck loves tall men.
1
SPEAKER_01
I do, but I, I like, I, it s been a long journey, but I ve come to terms with, um, my heights.
1
SPEAKER_01
And, uh, I ve accepted, you know, I m like five, six and a half.
1
SPEAKER_00
I used to tell people Anthony is five, seven, bro.
1
SPEAKER_00
What the fuck?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, maybe, that s probably what it is.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s probably what it is.
1
SPEAKER_01
No, I still do tell people I m 5 7 , sometimes.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, that s hilarious.
1
SPEAKER_00
Dude, I m telling you, you guys are fucking spitting images of each other, I swear.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, do you want me to send that right now?
1
SPEAKER_00
I forgot.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I thought that s what you were doing.
1
SPEAKER_01
I thought I was vamping on the phone with you until you, uh... Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Um...
1
SPEAKER_01
Someone said I love tall men.
1
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_01
I just I wonder what it s like I m not I m not one of those guys I think I maybe used to be in my younger years or a little bit more fixated on my height But I m less so now as I get older But I do I wonder sometimes I m like what s it like to be you know six feet tall it seems nice You know everyone thinks it s all fun and games, which don t get me wrong.
1
SPEAKER_00
I d rather be a
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t know, I think 6 7 is a little too tall when I m not a fucking basketball player or like, you know, trying, you know, volleyball player or something like.
1
SPEAKER_00
Did you text me this yet?
1
SPEAKER_00
I m trying to find a picture.
1
SPEAKER_00
I looked on his Instagram and he hasn t posted in like 18 years.
1
SPEAKER_00
I actually got a picture of both of us.
1
SPEAKER_00
Here we go.
1
SPEAKER_00
Halloween.
1
SPEAKER_00
He was trying to be Tony Soprano.
1
SPEAKER_01
Alright, well... I feel like this isn t gonna be... This guy s not gonna look anything like me.
1
SPEAKER_00
Dude, he is.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m telling you, bro.
1
SPEAKER_00
I ve convinced so many people at the pizzeria that his account is yours.
1
SPEAKER_01
Did you text it to me yet?
1
SPEAKER_00
I just sent it, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Alright, hold on.
1
SPEAKER_01
Let me try to find it.
1
SPEAKER_01
6-7 is a little too tall.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, dude, I have a queen-size bed.
1
SPEAKER_00
I literally have to fucking sleep diagonally on it.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay, you sent it to this phone number, the 401 phone number.
1
SPEAKER_01
You texted it to that.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, there we go.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay, I just got it.
1
SPEAKER_01
I just got it.
1
SPEAKER_01
This guy does not look like me at all.
1
SPEAKER_00
Bro, you re nuts.
1
SPEAKER_00
You re nuts.
1
SPEAKER_00
You re nuts.
1
SPEAKER_01
This guy does not look like me.
1
SPEAKER_01
He s just another hairy Jewish guy.
1
SPEAKER_00
He s not even Jewish.
1
SPEAKER_00
He looks like he s wearing a kippah.
1
SPEAKER_01
He looks like he s wearing a kippah in the thing.
1
SPEAKER_01
No, he s, this guy does not look like me at all.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, you re smoking it, brother.
1
SPEAKER_01
He just is.
1
SPEAKER_01
He s just a five, seven hairy white dude with a beard.
1
SPEAKER_01
He s in the same genre of guy as me physically, but he s not.
1
SPEAKER_00
He s also a little skinnier.
1
SPEAKER_01
He s also a little skinnier.
1
SPEAKER_00
He is a little skinnier.
1
SPEAKER_00
He is a little skinnier.
1
SPEAKER_00
He gyms.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m looking more at you, man.
1
SPEAKER_01
You re like a whole, you are twice the size of this other guy.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
And taller too.
1
SPEAKER_01
Man, I, I m, you, you have a lot, you re, you got a good life, man.
1
SPEAKER_01
I really hope you re, I understand we all get lonely sometimes and it s a, it s a bummer.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I ve been there a lot of, a lot of times in my life, but you, you got good friends.
1
SPEAKER_01
You gotta go.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m optimistic for you.
1
SPEAKER_01
I really am.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, thank you.
1
SPEAKER_00
The only thing, you don t see a lot of tall old people, right?
1
SPEAKER_01
I guess that s true.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, man.
1
SPEAKER_00
I told some lady that at the pizzeria once.
1
SPEAKER_00
Her kid was like 13 or something.
1
SPEAKER_00
He was maybe like 5 9 or some shit.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, yeah, the only thing with that, you don t see a lot of tall old people.
1
SPEAKER_00
And she just fucking shit herself.
1
SPEAKER_00
She was like, oh my god, please don t tell me that.
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, what s your name again?
1
SPEAKER_00
Cornelius Vanderbilt.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s not your real name, right?
1
SPEAKER_01
You snickered.
1
SPEAKER_01
No, it s Tom.
1
SPEAKER_01
Cornelius Vanderbilt.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, Tommy, I ll see you around the universe, man.
1
SPEAKER_01
Is there anything else you want to say before we go?
1
SPEAKER_00
Um, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
Everyone just keep your head up.
1
SPEAKER_00
Don t, uh, you know, we get into a slum, but the walk on out of it.
1
SPEAKER_00
Shit.
1
SPEAKER_00
I ve never, I was,
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, keep your head up.
2
SPEAKER_00
Keep on keep it on life s a life s a garden dick Joe Derby keep your head up that way you can make eye contact with this guy that was stupid all right we should stop we should get off the phone all right love you chat love you Lyle stay prosperous Godspeed brother and I ll try not to do any adderall today good luck sir my my my prayers are with you yep I m gonna take a shot at GM I ll forget on the call so god bless everyone take care
2
SPEAKER_01
Hey folks, this is Lyle.
2
SPEAKER_01
I am very excited to announce that I am going back on tour in 2024 to do Therapy Gecko Live all across the country.
2
SPEAKER_01
If you ve never been to one of my live shows before, they are extremely fun, unpredictable, wild evenings that involve a mix of group gecko therapy sessions as well as some material and presentations from myself.
2
SPEAKER_01
And if you ve been to the show before, I have new presentations and will of course be interviewing new people.
2
SPEAKER_01
If you re a fan of the podcast, you re gonna have a great time at the live show, so I hope to see you guys there.
2
SPEAKER_01
Go to TherapyGeckoTour.com or check the link in the episode description for a full list of cities where tickets are available.
2
SPEAKER_01
Also, if you don t see your city on the list of cities, please still click the link and RSVP with your phone number so I can contact you when tickets go on sale for your city because I m going to announce a bunch more dates very soon.
2
SPEAKER_01
Gek bless.
2
SPEAKER_01
Hello?
2
SPEAKER_02
Hello?
2
SPEAKER_01
Hi, who s this?
2
SPEAKER_02
Um, Madison?
2
SPEAKER_02
Is this, uh, the Gecko?
2
SPEAKER_01
This is the Gecko.
2
SPEAKER_01
What s up, Madison?
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh my god.
2
SPEAKER_02
What?
2
SPEAKER_02
Uh, just sitting in bed, just, um, currently sick, but, uh, saw that you were streaming and wanted to try to call, so.
2
SPEAKER_01
What are you sick with?
2
SPEAKER_02
Uh, just a cold, but,
2
SPEAKER_02
It s like one of those really congested type colds, so it s like in my sinuses and my chest.
2
SPEAKER_02
But it s been a little over a week now, and it s still kind of not going away.
2
SPEAKER_01
How long have the doctors given you to live?
2
SPEAKER_02
Hopefully a little longer.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, well Madison, here we are on the phone, just two people on a phone call, two people who don t know anything about each other.
2
SPEAKER_01
Really?
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Just on the phone, having a conversation, being broadcasted to hundreds of millions of people all across the globe.
2
SPEAKER_01
Here we are, Madison.
2
SPEAKER_01
Here we are.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I ask you humbly, humbly, from this, this is, I feel so honored to be on the phone right now.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I have to ask you humbly, Madison,
2
SPEAKER_01
What would you like to talk about today?
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh man, that is a very good question.
2
SPEAKER_02
Well, lately I ve been having some, I guess not issues, but just a little bit of some
2
SPEAKER_02
Problems with dealing with being in a relation like a long-distance relationship, you know, okay Hit me.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah I said hit me share the the crazy details of your life Well, I wouldn t call them too crazy but uh You know, I ve been in this long relationship long-distance relationship for about a little over a year now and
2
SPEAKER_02
And, uh, we met on Discord.
2
SPEAKER_02
And, um, you know, everything has been, like, really, really great.
2
SPEAKER_02
It s probably, like, the best relationship I ve ever been in.
2
SPEAKER_02
But, um, I kind of have, you know, some issues with the fact that we re so far apart.
2
SPEAKER_02
And, uh, some nights I m, like, sitting in bed just like, man, what am I...
2
SPEAKER_02
What am I going to do?
2
SPEAKER_02
Like I can t deal with being alone sometimes and I, it s, yeah, it s pretty hard.
2
SPEAKER_02
So, and I don t really have a lot of friends who are in the same situation.
2
SPEAKER_01
How long have you two been in a relationship for?
2
SPEAKER_02
Uh, like a year and four months.
2
SPEAKER_01
And where does he live?
2
SPEAKER_01
Where do you live?
2
SPEAKER_02
Uh, they live in New Jersey and I live in Michigan.
2
SPEAKER_01
What made you want to enter a long-distance relationship with this person that you met on discord What is it about this relationship that provides you with value on a continued basis?
2
SPEAKER_02
Well, I guess initially I wasn t really like wanting to go into a long-distance relationship It just kind of like happened I
2
SPEAKER_02
you know, we started talking in this one server that one of my friends invited me to and we were just, you know, talking as friends and, uh, you know, eventually we realized that we had feelings for each other and it just, it was like, I don t know, I had this like feeling that I couldn t just like not be with them, you know?
2
SPEAKER_02
So yeah, but, uh,
2
SPEAKER_02
I, they, they just have treated me better than like anybody I ve ever been with.
2
SPEAKER_02
And our communication is really good.
2
SPEAKER_02
Um, and we are also like interested in a lot of the same things.
2
SPEAKER_02
So it just made sense.
2
SPEAKER_01
How often do you head over to Jersey to see them?
2
SPEAKER_02
Well, uh, I ve been there a couple of times.
2
SPEAKER_02
Um, and they ve, they ve definitely come to see me more, but, uh,
2
SPEAKER_02
And also like throughout our relationship, we ve definitely seen each other in person more than like the average person who s in a long distance relationship does, which I m like, you know, obviously really grateful for because a lot of people don t get that chance to like see them or their significant others like for years or months, you know, but it s still just like so hard for me to like,
2
SPEAKER_02
let go of the fact that I can t see them like every day.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, is anything stopping you from you know, it s very funny I m thinking about this a lot lately because I I Part of me was hesitant on the idea of like is it a good idea to move to be with someone romantically because I mean, you know, there s all sorts of like horror stories about people doing fucking them up and
2
SPEAKER_01
There s also actually a lot of stories, I ve heard them on the podcast, I ve heard them anecdotally, about people who do that and the relationship doesn t work out, but yet the move works out.
2
SPEAKER_01
You know what I mean?
2
SPEAKER_01
Someone maybe moves to some city to be with somebody and that relationship doesn t work out, but then some
2
SPEAKER_01
other thing happens in that city and and and that kind of works out um i m not a huge fan of like let me give up career opportunities to go be with a person and sometimes that s kind of baked in
2
SPEAKER_01
to like moving locations, but a lot of the time it s not because I mean, you know, we live in a Digital universe people are working from home.
2
SPEAKER_01
People are building their their careers on the internet So, I mean what s what s going on in Michigan and what s stopping you guys from?
2
SPEAKER_02
You know being in the same location Yeah, so actually it s funny that you mentioned the whole like working from home thing because
2
SPEAKER_02
My partner actually was trying to do that and was doing that for a little bit when we first met.
2
SPEAKER_02
They have a degree in computer engineering, and they were working with this company for probably a little less than a year, but it was a startup thing.
2
SPEAKER_02
I don t really know a lot about computer engineering, but basically they weren t really getting paid yet because it was a startup, I guess.
2
SPEAKER_02
and the boss was like supposed to basically pay them like after working for so long and then they just like kept postponing it and eventually
3
SPEAKER_00
My partner was like, okay, I don t really want to be working under this guy anymore because he keeps not going through with his word.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay, so you re telling me they re thinking about quitting their job.
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, they did.
3
SPEAKER_00
They did leave that company.
3
SPEAKER_00
So what are they doing now?
3
SPEAKER_00
Nothing.
3
SPEAKER_01
Nothing?
3
SPEAKER_01
Tell them to get their fucking ass over to Michigan.
3
SPEAKER_01
What are they doing?
3
SPEAKER_00
That s, yeah, that s what I m saying.
3
SPEAKER_00
But like, it s, there s a lot of like, things though, where they just don t have the money, obviously, because of the fact that they haven t been working.
3
SPEAKER_01
They don t have the money to live in Michigan?
3
SPEAKER_00
I guess not.
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean, but it s also they ve been trying to find jobs here and they like, can t find any jobs here that will like, respond back to them.
3
SPEAKER_01
Do you do you want to move to New Jersey?
3
SPEAKER_00
It I don t know I ve thought about it, but like using um It s I have a lot of stuff where I m at right now like family and I Have a cat that would be having to be moved as well So it s and I also have a job where I m at right now as well, so I
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_01
So, so this guy, this guy has a job.
3
SPEAKER_01
No, he doesn t have a job.
3
SPEAKER_01
What s he doing?
3
SPEAKER_00
Uh, so actually right now they are basically like trying to find the place, but they re also, they were making like YouTube videos for a little bit a couple months ago.
3
SPEAKER_01
they started a youtube channel because they play a lot of like magic the gathering so okay hold on hold on hold on it s just just i want to just like it would be impactful here for a few because because i don t know i i i m and look my life isn t perfect in in any sense of the way but if i m talking to you i want to just like
3
SPEAKER_01
Let s not fuck around here, you know, because you can just waste we can waste a lot of time fucking around and I know that personally because You know, I mean every human being has wasted a lot of time Just fucking around, you know, so let s not fuck around for a second
3
SPEAKER_01
So you re in this long term relationship and you like it, it s good, but just this big, I mean, these long distance relationships, they can really make you unhappy, you know, because you want somebody who s who s there.
3
SPEAKER_01
Right.
3
SPEAKER_01
You know.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
And you have your job and you have your family and you have your cat.
3
SPEAKER_01
You know, and you don t really want to give those things up.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t know what your partner has going on.
3
SPEAKER_01
From what you re telling me, it s nothing.
3
SPEAKER_01
But I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_01
I haven t talked to them about it.
3
SPEAKER_01
But has there been any like, like attempts to to compromise and figure something out?
3
SPEAKER_01
Or is it just like, like, what s what are we figuring out here?
3
SPEAKER_01
You know, so
3
SPEAKER_00
We we ve definitely talked about it a lot and I guess they re this is the thing I haven t really like mentioned Their whole thing is that they don t want to be like relying on me If that makes sense, like they want to have their shit together before they like come into my life physically So like they want to have like an established job and have enough money Coming here because their plan was that they were going to move here
3
SPEAKER_00
because of the fact that I said, like, you know, I have family here, I have a cat, I have a job.
3
SPEAKER_00
So it would be better for them to move here.
3
SPEAKER_00
And right now they just don t think that they have the funds or, you know, the ability to find a good paying job at the moment moving here until at least like next year.
3
SPEAKER_00
But it s like, it s just kind of such a long ways away, like,
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean, it s not, but it is, you know?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
Um, I, I still don t, I still don t understand.
3
SPEAKER_01
Does this person have like, like they are paying money to live in New Jersey, correct?
3
SPEAKER_01
They are paying rent to live in New Jersey.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
They re, they re paying for food and electricity and the various things that you need to live.
3
SPEAKER_01
And just, just the budget that they have to pay for those things currently not allow for them to pay for those things in Michigan as well.
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, so their parents have been helping them money-wise.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay, I understand now what this person is talking about.
3
SPEAKER_01
When they re like, listen, my life is... I get it.
3
SPEAKER_01
I think.
3
SPEAKER_01
I think I understand.
3
SPEAKER_01
I think this person is like, okay, look, my parents are helping me live.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t have a job.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m like, I m kind of fucking around.
3
SPEAKER_01
You have a life.
3
SPEAKER_01
You have a thing.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t want to like leech off of you.
3
SPEAKER_01
So let me like figure my shit out.
3
SPEAKER_01
And then we ll see.
3
SPEAKER_01
But here s the question.
3
SPEAKER_01
Do they have a... and I ask you this.
3
SPEAKER_01
Do you believe that they have a a legitimate timeline as to when they re going to quote figure their shit out a definition even of what figuring your shit out means and And see do you do you believe them knowing what you know about them that they will be able to achieve this this You know forever elusive idea of getting their shit together
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I like, I know that they re like, reliable and that they re smart and their reasonings for not moving here are understandable and it s not just like some excuse.
3
SPEAKER_00
But like,
3
SPEAKER_00
Also, another thing too is- Well, hold on, hold on.
3
SPEAKER_01
We haven t even covered this thing before we introduce another thing.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay, okay.
3
SPEAKER_01
And then also like, yes, understandable.
3
SPEAKER_01
We re not trying to figure out if it s understandable or not.
3
SPEAKER_01
We ve understood.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
The question is, you know, can we rely that this will be a problem that is addressed and fixed so that we re not, you know, continually delaying our future for this person?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I mean, I don t think it ll take more than a year.
3
SPEAKER_00
So but like, as it is right now, it s hard to say, like exactly
3
SPEAKER_00
how long it will take because of where they re at, at the moment, like, where, cause I, I mean, they, they re trying, you know, to find jobs here.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like they ve applied to like so many places and, um, they just like, don t get calls back and they actually had a job, uh, reach out to them recently.
3
SPEAKER_00
And, uh, they like,
3
SPEAKER_00
Some tests that they wanted them to take and then they just like ended up failing the test and the people were like, yeah Let s go let s go we re getting too specific here.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay, let s go top.
3
SPEAKER_01
Let s go top line.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay, this guy s Doing what he s applying to jobs.
3
SPEAKER_01
He s do you And these are I don t have answers to these.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m not gonna tell you what to do, but you should think about like you know, do you
3
SPEAKER_01
Do you want to be waiting around for this?
3
SPEAKER_01
And if the answer is yes, then that s beautiful.
3
SPEAKER_01
Then wait around for it.
3
SPEAKER_01
Because you know it s gonna be worth it.
3
SPEAKER_01
Because you really, really, really like this person.
3
SPEAKER_01
And you know it s gonna be... You don t even know.
3
SPEAKER_01
Not even know.
3
SPEAKER_01
You can t know shit.
3
SPEAKER_01
But you have a pretty good idea that this is gonna be... How old are you, by the way?
3
SPEAKER_00
I just turned 23 this month.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay, how old is this guy? 25.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay, you guys are still fucking young.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t know Look here s here s what I would say and by the way, I m a total hypocrite I really I ve really been thinking about this a lot with this fucking party This podcast is getting more and more difficult for me to do because my life is really not figured out myself I d so I don t like to but but it and it s but it s it s so much easier to Therapy gecko other people than it is to therapy gecko yourself, but let s just do it I
3
SPEAKER_01
you know if I were you just from talking to you like I wouldn t stop wasting my time like waiting cold feet fucking around whatever whatever and like like kind of make a decision and I m not talking about like a forever one I m talking about like and you could even even if like waiting even if you decide to wait
4
SPEAKER_01
wait that is a decision you know so so figure it out so that way you re not just like you know will he won t he you know forever because this is gonna make you unhappy you know and you could even do a thing where it s like maybe we go on a break and and when you re ready
4
SPEAKER_01
come at me and if I m ready then it works out and if it doesn t work out that s fine.
4
SPEAKER_01
But you re also, you re so fucking, you know, we re all young, we re in our 20s, you know, what s the big rush to go crazy?
4
SPEAKER_01
I mean if you want you can move to Michigan, I mean move to New Jersey, they have pinball machines there, I don t know.
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
4
SPEAKER_01
I hope any of what I said just made any sense at all.
4
SPEAKER_01
I really do.
4
SPEAKER_01
I really just now was like, I don t know if I made any sense, but just... Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Because a lot of these, like, so many, I think, it s just with like issues in general.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s like, you know, you re sitting here, you re talking to me and you re like, well, there s this other thing and this other thing and this other thing.
4
SPEAKER_01
And the details don t matter.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s like the top line of like, do you want to sacrifice certain things from yourself, your time, your energy for this person?
4
SPEAKER_01
That s the top.
4
SPEAKER_01
All the little like, well here s this detail and here s this detail and he s applying for jobs and this and that.
4
SPEAKER_01
None of that matters.
4
SPEAKER_01
There s only really that one question that matters is how much of your time and energy do you want to sacrifice for this person?
4
SPEAKER_01
And there s no wrong answer to that question.
4
SPEAKER_01
And by the way, even if you decide, you know what, I do.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then two years goes by and it turns out that that was the wrong decision.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
You re not going to die.
4
SPEAKER_01
You re going to be fine.
4
SPEAKER_01
You re going to be 25 and you have much more life ahead of you to live.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like, you know, you don t, don t freak out about making that right decision, but understand that that s the decision that you re making.
4
SPEAKER_03
Does that make sense?
4
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_03
I mean, at the end of the day, it s, it s just,
4
SPEAKER_03
whether or not I can be, sorry, be comfortable, um, alone for however long until they can move here, you know, or if I should just drop everything and like move to them.
4
SPEAKER_01
But if you want to do that, then do that.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s not gonna, you re not gonna die.
4
SPEAKER_01
You re not going to throw away, you know, your one opportunity to,
4
SPEAKER_01
You know, live a happy life.
4
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I just, that s the thing is I would just pick something because if you don t, you re going to just live in, in, in this weird limbo state.
4
SPEAKER_01
But, um, anyway, that s, that s really, I think what I have to say about this.
4
SPEAKER_01
Um, what s your name again?
4
SPEAKER_03
Madison.
4
SPEAKER_01
Madison.
4
SPEAKER_01
This was, I m glad we got to talk about this.
4
SPEAKER_01
This was helpful.
4
SPEAKER_01
I enjoy thinking about these things.
4
SPEAKER_01
I enjoy thinking about life.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s very difficult.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s really hard.
4
SPEAKER_01
I know I m making it sound like it s easy, I guess, but it s not.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s really hard because you re dealing with, the way I m talking about this, I m not emotionally connected to it.
4
SPEAKER_01
So it s easier for me to say all these things.
4
SPEAKER_01
But I hope it was helpful in any way.
4
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, I just want to say thanks for like hearing me out and giving your input of it and everything.
4
SPEAKER_03
Um, and you know, I love them a lot.
4
SPEAKER_03
So at the end of the day, like I ll have to just suck it up and, you know, be okay with waiting because that s what I, I mean, that s the easiest decision to make because it s either that or
4
SPEAKER_03
try to like get all my shit over there and that s going to be harder than so yeah.
4
SPEAKER_03
Cool.
4
SPEAKER_01
Cool.
4
SPEAKER_01
Just before we go, if that s your decision, just like be, just try to be happy with your decision, you know, cause it s something, it s not, nobody forced this upon you.
4
SPEAKER_01
This is like your decision that you re making and you should be, that should make you feel happy and powerful in your life.
4
SPEAKER_03
Thank you for that.
4
SPEAKER_01
Um, is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
4
SPEAKER_03
Oh,
4
SPEAKER_03
Okay, I ve always thought about what I was going to say when you asked this.
4
SPEAKER_03
I guess don t ever just settle for what your, you know, life is or who you re with because you deserve better and you deserve the best and there are those people out there who really care about you and love you for who you are and yeah just
4
SPEAKER_03
be yourself and love yourself.
4
SPEAKER_03
That s it.
4
SPEAKER_01
I was trying to think of something, I don t know why, when people start saying a lot of really positive things on the podcast, like in my brain, I m like, what horrible thing can I say to offset this so that I don t feel like it s the Mr. Rogers show?
4
SPEAKER_01
But nothing in my brain was, nothing that I said was I like, you know what, that s something I should say.
4
SPEAKER_01
Anyway, I m sorry, I don t know why I said it.
4
SPEAKER_03
Yes, go ahead.
4
SPEAKER_01
Sorry, sorry.
4
SPEAKER_03
Also, fuck bitches, get money.
4
SPEAKER_01
There we go.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay, well, thank you very much.
4
SPEAKER_01
Have a good rest of the day.
4
SPEAKER_03
You too.
4
SPEAKER_03
Bye-bye.
4
SPEAKER_02
Bye-bye.
4
SPEAKER_01
Hey, what s up?
4
SPEAKER_02
Is this Lyle?
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, who s this?
4
SPEAKER_02
You can call me Kate.
4
SPEAKER_01
Kate.
4
SPEAKER_01
What s up, Kate?
4
SPEAKER_01
How s life?
4
SPEAKER_02
Honestly, like, not bad.
4
SPEAKER_02
Kind of amazed, my first time trying to call in.
4
SPEAKER_02
Truly, I m super nervous right now.
4
SPEAKER_02
I cannot believe you called me really don t be don t be don t be nervous.
4
SPEAKER_01
Don t be nervous.
4
SPEAKER_01
There s it s just you and me and a bunch of people who are probably folding laundry or driving a car or People cooking dinner, that s what I m doing right now.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m so like that.
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, what s up?
4
SPEAKER_01
How can I get you today?
4
SPEAKER_02
Um, I don t know.
4
SPEAKER_02
I just thought I d call and would love to talk to you a bit about some personal
4
SPEAKER_02
I don t know, like, um, realizations I ve been having past couple months.
4
SPEAKER_01
Sure.
4
SPEAKER_01
What are they?
4
SPEAKER_02
So as I wrote in my message to you, I ve recently realized that I am a meticulous control freak.
4
SPEAKER_02
I need control of every aspect of my life.
4
SPEAKER_02
And, um, this is something I m talking to a real therapist about, but I find I m a verbal processor.
4
SPEAKER_02
So it s helpful for me to talk to like other people.
4
SPEAKER_02
Um, I really appreciate you talking to me.
4
SPEAKER_02
It actually means a lot.
4
SPEAKER_02
Um, but like, I don t know.
4
SPEAKER_02
I ve been in my relationship for six and a half years.
4
SPEAKER_02
Um, we got married this past summer.
4
SPEAKER_02
So super exciting.
4
SPEAKER_02
Both me and my husband are coming to your, uh, your Seattle show.
4
SPEAKER_02
We can t wait.
4
SPEAKER_02
Like genuinely can t wait.
4
SPEAKER_02
I was listening to one of your podcasts and I heard you say that you were
4
SPEAKER_02
like coming to Seattle and I like immediately got on.
4
SPEAKER_01
Dude, hell yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
Hell yeah, hell yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
That s gonna be fun.
4
SPEAKER_01
Shout out the Crocodile.
4
SPEAKER_01
Love the Crocodile.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_02
Guys, be there.
4
SPEAKER_02
I m so freaking excited to see your show.
4
SPEAKER_02
So my point here though is that like, um, we ve been, we ve been together a long time and he s like, whenever we ve got arguments, a lot of times he ll tell me that I, he feels like I m suffocating him.
4
SPEAKER_02
And I m over here.
4
SPEAKER_02
I m like, I have no idea what you re talking about, dude.
4
SPEAKER_02
Like suffocation.
4
SPEAKER_02
What does that even mean?
4
SPEAKER_02
Like, I m just trying to help you.
4
SPEAKER_02
I m a teacher.
4
SPEAKER_02
That s my job.
4
SPEAKER_02
That s what I do for a living.
4
SPEAKER_02
I help people.
4
SPEAKER_02
In my head, everything makes perfect sense.
4
SPEAKER_02
I m just helping you do whatever it is that I think is going to be best for you.
4
SPEAKER_02
That s what I do with my kids every single day.
4
SPEAKER_02
Then I found that I m doing that exact same thing to my now husband.
4
SPEAKER_02
That set up this chain of realizations of where do I do that in other areas of my life?
4
SPEAKER_02
eating disorders in the past.
4
SPEAKER_02
I m working through that right now.
4
SPEAKER_02
And I was like, oh, maybe that s connected.
4
SPEAKER_02
And I ve gone to counseling for like perfectionism in the past.
4
SPEAKER_02
And I m like, wait a second, maybe that s connected.
4
SPEAKER_02
And then suddenly, you kind of start to see this like web, right, of like all these different places in your life where you need to have perfect control.
4
SPEAKER_02
And I guess why I wanted to talk to you is because like, I don t know how to like, let go of that need for control.
4
SPEAKER_02
Like I m working with a therapist on it.
4
SPEAKER_02
And I still don t know how to like,
4
SPEAKER_02
Hey, I don t need to know every aspect of every single thing.
4
SPEAKER_02
Like I hate surprises.
4
SPEAKER_02
I can t deal with them.
4
SPEAKER_02
I can t, I can t like not know something.
4
SPEAKER_02
Like how does an average person just not need to control every situation they re in?
4
SPEAKER_02
I don t get that.
4
SPEAKER_02
That s what I want to talk to you about.
4
SPEAKER_01
So when, when, when your husband said you were suffocating him, like what, what was there, what specifically was going on?
4
SPEAKER_02
That s a good question.
4
SPEAKER_02
So he, um, he has ADHD.
4
SPEAKER_02
And so like, um, you know, he sometimes has like problems completing tasks or like, you know, just like an example, like, Hey, you got to go to the doctor.
4
SPEAKER_02
Right.
4
SPEAKER_02
But then it s like, Oh, you got to make the doctor s appointment.
4
SPEAKER_02
He s got to do all these other things.
4
SPEAKER_02
And I m like, well, you know, like just make the, make the fucking appointment.
4
SPEAKER_02
Sorry.
4
SPEAKER_02
Sorry.
4
SPEAKER_02
Not sure if I m supposed to swear, but, um, like just make the appointment.
5
SPEAKER_00
Hold on.
5
SPEAKER_00
I don t know why this always bothers me, but I
5
SPEAKER_00
Of course you can swear.
5
SPEAKER_00
You can say anything you want.
5
SPEAKER_00
No, you re right.
5
SPEAKER_00
I just don t get it.
5
SPEAKER_00
Sorry, I don t know why this... I don t know.
5
SPEAKER_00
Dude, I m so sorry, Kate.
5
SPEAKER_00
I don t know why that always works me up when people ask if they can swear.
5
SPEAKER_00
No, dude, you re good.
5
SPEAKER_01
And honestly, I should know better.
5
SPEAKER_01
I listen to the show.
5
SPEAKER_01
I should know better.
5
SPEAKER_00
I was about to say, I assume if you listen to the show, you ve heard people talk about... I mean, a guy just talked about, you know, yeah, you know, you re... Putting it into a frosty.
5
SPEAKER_01
I heard every bit of it, right?
5
SPEAKER_01
No, no, for sure.
5
SPEAKER_01
Um, yeah, so I just, you know, like he, he s got ADHD and I don t, I m neurotypical.
5
SPEAKER_01
And so for me, it s like pretty easy.
5
SPEAKER_01
Like, let s just make the, let s make the fucking doctor s appointment, but it s like harder, you know, when you have to like, okay, what s the end goal?
5
SPEAKER_01
I got to go through all these steps.
5
SPEAKER_01
And so I ll like, try to like help.
5
SPEAKER_01
Right.
5
SPEAKER_01
Like in my head, it s helping.
5
SPEAKER_01
But like it s not actually helping.
5
SPEAKER_01
And in fact, like when I m checking in, I m like, hey, when are you going to be home tonight?
5
SPEAKER_01
Like that feels like suffocating to him in a way that like it doesn t to me because I m over here like, oh, I m cooking dinner or what have you.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I m just checking in.
5
SPEAKER_01
But for him, it s like, hey, can you back the fuck off?
5
SPEAKER_01
You know, he never does that to me.
5
SPEAKER_00
What does your real therapist tell you about this?
5
SPEAKER_01
She she told me last night I had a therapy session.
5
SPEAKER_01
She told me because
5
SPEAKER_01
I, she thinks, and she s probably right that it all comes back to anxiety, right?
5
SPEAKER_01
There s some sort of, um, there s some sort of fear, right.
5
SPEAKER_01
Associated with whatever it is that I m trying to control.
5
SPEAKER_01
And so she told me last night, she said, Hey, you should personify it, like personify it in your head.
5
SPEAKER_01
And so now I m over here, like having this image of like Gollum, you know, and Lord, the rings were like, you ve got me going, you ve got Gollum.
5
SPEAKER_01
And then maybe anxiety is my Gollum and sneak to him, you know, who I am.
5
SPEAKER_01
Right.
5
SPEAKER_01
But I m talking to this thing.
5
SPEAKER_01
I don t know how helpful that s going to be, but I m willing to try that.
5
SPEAKER_01
Maybe I can talk to the anxiety and I can talk to the fear, but I m concerned I m never going to be able to get to a point where there is no Gollum voice in the head.
5
SPEAKER_01
You know what I mean?
5
SPEAKER_01
I want to get to a point where I m no longer having to have that internal dialogue.
5
SPEAKER_01
I don t know how to not
5
SPEAKER_00
Not want to worry or not want to control tell me more about that Gollum voice.
5
SPEAKER_00
What is it?
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah Yeah, so I mean like, you know, I don t know if you have Anxiety or not.
5
SPEAKER_01
Like I ve heard you sometimes about your own shit So I don t know if you ve experienced this but it s that it s that little voice in your head like everything s going right and then like a person sends you like a like a three-word text when you re expecting a five-word text and there s that little voice in your head that s like Oh, they must they must hate you
5
SPEAKER_01
You know, that s the friendship over right there.
5
SPEAKER_01
You said no to one thing and now they hate, you know, that s the golem voice, right?
5
SPEAKER_01
It s like, it s feeding you this negativity.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I like, I just want to not hear that anymore.
5
SPEAKER_01
I want to, you know, I m like, how do you get to a point where you, where you no longer have that?
5
SPEAKER_01
That little voice that just makes you want to just manage things, want to take control of things.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
I mean, that s an interesting thing.
5
SPEAKER_00
I deal a lot with anxiety and I ve been very recently even just on a journey of how to kind of get those thoughts out of my head and whatnot.
5
SPEAKER_00
And, I mean, to be frank, now that you re making me think about it, what gets me out of that is being in the present moment of whatever it is I m doing.
5
SPEAKER_00
And that s easier sometimes and harder sometimes.
5
SPEAKER_00
How do you do that?
5
SPEAKER_01
How do you pull yourself out of it?
5
SPEAKER_00
I m trying to think well if I m like sitting idly, right?
5
SPEAKER_00
I m gonna just my brains just gonna go to a horrible anxious places But if I m in the flow state if I m like actually doing something to get my brain out of that You know, I won t be so focused on the anxiety
5
SPEAKER_00
I mean, that s life, right?
5
SPEAKER_00
Life is a series of trying to avoid thinking about your own death and then you die.
5
SPEAKER_00
And so that s just like, how do you distract yourself?
5
SPEAKER_00
Really, that s what you re trying to do is distract yourself from this anxiety and how you do that.
5
SPEAKER_00
I really don t know.
5
SPEAKER_01
What s typically... Can I ask?
5
SPEAKER_01
Oh, sorry.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, go ahead.
5
SPEAKER_01
I was going to ask, how do you distract yourself in those moments?
5
SPEAKER_01
What do you turn to?
5
SPEAKER_00
Let s see their actual answer is I I masturbate and eat shitty food and Go on fucking tick-tock.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s the real answer I mean, I mean those are my bad ones, but I you know in other ways I Lately I ve been like, you know fucking exercising and that helps.
5
SPEAKER_01
That s why people exercise Same that s been really helpful for me to dude.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s what video games are fucking great for that.
5
SPEAKER_00
But but again, um
5
SPEAKER_00
I don t know what the hell was I going to say.
5
SPEAKER_01
I think you were going to ask me a question.
5
SPEAKER_00
I was going to ask you a question.
5
SPEAKER_00
What are you typically doing when anxiety creeps up on you?
5
SPEAKER_01
Anything.
5
SPEAKER_01
I mean, literally anything.
5
SPEAKER_01
Like, truly, it s everywhere.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s usually situational, right?
5
SPEAKER_01
Like, maybe I m at work and
5
SPEAKER_01
I m
5
SPEAKER_01
Maintaining my my partner s happiness or my own happiness, and I know that I m not responsible for my husband s happiness Like I know that s right consciously It s a little coded toxic codependency trait that I have where I think I m responsible and that the goblins You know that the golem brain says I m responsible Do you tell you anything else did your therapist tell you anything else that was helpful except to imagine that you re smeagol?
5
SPEAKER_01
No, she didn t specifically say that that was my interpretation of it But you know
5
SPEAKER_01
We re still new.
5
SPEAKER_01
We re new into this therapy thing.
5
SPEAKER_01
We ve been doing it for a couple months and Yeah, not much else besides that yet.
5
SPEAKER_01
She s she s impressed that I m Acknowledging my problems and I think that right now we re in the kind of like good for you You re realizing you have an issue now.
5
SPEAKER_01
We got to figure out how to solve it Yeah It s freaking tough, dude I
5
SPEAKER_00
What are you anxious about?
5
SPEAKER_00
I know you ve kind of talked about it at the beginning of this, but like...
5
SPEAKER_00
Like, really dig it.
5
SPEAKER_00
Here s another thing I do when I get anxious, and I actually don t know if this is helpful or not, but I just follow my anxiety, I just follow the thread, you know what I mean?
5
SPEAKER_00
Like, you re worried about money, you know, I m like, all right, well, what happens if I go broke?
5
SPEAKER_00
Then maybe this ll happen, then this ll happen, then this ll happen, this ll happen.
5
SPEAKER_00
I just follow it until it s like,
5
SPEAKER_00
You know, it kind of runs out of steam, right?
5
SPEAKER_01
It loses its power.
5
SPEAKER_00
It loses its power once you just follow it through.
5
SPEAKER_00
I see what you re saying.
5
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if that s healthy or not, because some people would call that catastrophizing, right?
5
SPEAKER_00
That s kind of what following your anxiety is.
5
SPEAKER_01
At the same time, I think that not knowing is almost more anxiety-inducing, right?
5
SPEAKER_01
So I feel like that s actually kind of helpful.
5
SPEAKER_01
Like, let s trace it.
5
SPEAKER_01
What would happen if the worst-case scenario occurred?
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, right.
5
SPEAKER_00
And often when you trace it, you realize that the worst-case scenario is livable.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s not that bad.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s livable.
5
SPEAKER_01
No, no, you re totally right, dude.
5
SPEAKER_01
You re right.
5
SPEAKER_00
And then there s the other, there s the stoic, I mean, you should read it, read up on some stoic philosophy.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s really, really helpful for anxiety.
5
SPEAKER_01
Stoic philosophy, I saw it subreddit about that, and then I didn t pursue that further, but I should definitely do that.
5
SPEAKER_01
Thanks, man.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, and then, because one of the, I ve lately, I ve actually been battling some stuff with stoic philosophy, because in some areas, I don t believe it, but
5
SPEAKER_00
Anxiety is one where I do.
5
SPEAKER_00
Um, cause like, well, there s this, uh, there s a big thing in stoic philosophy of like, don t suffer imagined troubles, right?
5
SPEAKER_00
Like all like anxiety is like, it s the suffering of an anticipation of an event.
5
SPEAKER_00
How fucking stupid is that?
5
SPEAKER_00
It s so stupid because it hasn t even happened and so you re just you re suffering deeply from from something that hasn t even happened.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s one thing to suffer because of a thing that happened but anxiety is like and even if you even if you know a bad thing is going to happen your anxiety over the inevitability of the bad thing is just you suffering more than is necessary.
5
SPEAKER_00
You know, it s a foolish thing.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m listening to a podcast right now.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m going to shout out a podcast I ve been listening to.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s Dr. K. I should get on my podcast at some point.
5
SPEAKER_00
He fucking rocks.
5
SPEAKER_01
Dr. K. He s good.
5
SPEAKER_00
He s awesome.
5
SPEAKER_00
You know Dr. K.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, dude, video game therapist guy.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, he s great.
5
SPEAKER_00
And he said, crap, he said something to me.
5
SPEAKER_00
You know, he didn t say this to me.
5
SPEAKER_00
He said this on a podcast.
6
SPEAKER_02
He said that like the brain is can like Like the anxiety the the brain can do this thing where your anxiety over a negative event is Just as bad as if the negative event actually happened So you re creating in your brain negative events that you re suffering from even though the negative event actually isn t even
6
SPEAKER_02
Happening.
6
SPEAKER_03
That blew my mind.
6
SPEAKER_02
I was like, Jesus Christ, it s not even real.
6
SPEAKER_03
No one has ever phrased it like that to me before.
6
SPEAKER_03
So that s actually, like, that is kind of crazy when you really think about it.
6
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_02
Um, so, you know, try that at the end of the day.
6
SPEAKER_02
I, you know, look, man, I ve listened to tons of podcasts of, you know, done whatever.
6
SPEAKER_02
And I, you know, I still get, get anxious and I m still dealing with it myself.
6
SPEAKER_02
But, uh, yeah, that s something I ve been thinking about lately.
6
SPEAKER_02
I m going to try to think about more.
6
SPEAKER_03
I love that, man.
6
SPEAKER_03
I m absolutely going to try that.
6
SPEAKER_03
Thank you so much for that, for that advice.
6
SPEAKER_03
You do, you do good work.
6
SPEAKER_02
I don t know.
6
SPEAKER_02
I, I don t, um,
6
SPEAKER_02
It was about it.
6
SPEAKER_02
I don t know I get depressed sometimes because I think I m like, I don t is any of this shit All this at a certain point.
6
SPEAKER_02
Is it just like you just deal with it?
6
SPEAKER_02
Like I don t do you ever keep you ever actually get cured.
6
SPEAKER_02
Do you ever you imagine a future version of yourself?
6
SPEAKER_02
That is totally living a beautiful amazing perfect life, but it never comes and I m like is that Because that my fault because I didn t do any work to actually create that or is it because you actually that doesn t even exist and
6
SPEAKER_02
But then in the acceptance that that doesn t exist, can you find peace?
6
SPEAKER_02
Maybe.
6
SPEAKER_02
So, I don t know.
6
SPEAKER_03
I m optimistic about that.
6
SPEAKER_03
I think that s right.
6
SPEAKER_03
I think in the second thing, that s right.
6
SPEAKER_03
I mean, because it s a brain issue, right?
6
SPEAKER_03
It s like a... That s like a wiring issue.
6
SPEAKER_03
But I think that if you can accept it, and if you can say, hey, I m going to manage it, then you can find that peace.
6
SPEAKER_03
Well, don t play the... Dude, this is very inspirational.
6
SPEAKER_03
I loved it.
6
SPEAKER_02
Don t play the Gollum video game.
6
SPEAKER_02
I heard it s really bad.
6
SPEAKER_03
I also heard it was really bad.
6
SPEAKER_03
I m kind of tempted to play it because of that though.
6
SPEAKER_02
Go play it.
6
SPEAKER_02
Sounds fun.
6
SPEAKER_03
Hey, I had a quick question for you before we do the sign off thing, which is that my husband, he s an artist and he was thinking about making an art piece for you to bring to your Seattle show.
6
SPEAKER_03
And I m wondering if he,
6
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, so if he did that, how could we get that to you?
6
SPEAKER_03
Like, is there somebody we could hand it to at the show?
6
SPEAKER_02
Is there something... Oh, well, after... After every show, after every show, unless if I have, like, another show that night, I stand around and I meet everyone.
6
SPEAKER_02
So... Oh, no shit.
6
SPEAKER_03
Oh, no shit.
6
SPEAKER_03
Okay, that s super cool.
6
SPEAKER_03
So we can just hand it to you.
6
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, you can just hand... I ll see you there.
6
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, at every show, I, um...
6
SPEAKER_02
There s some of the shows have like VIP tickets, but that s I do the meet-and-greet like for everyone I don t have it s not a paid meet-and-greet so like if you buy a ticket It s like if you if you re at the show, and you are you re willing to stand in a line of a bunch of people Will I ll we will meet we will inevitably meet Okay cool, no that sounds awesome.
6
SPEAKER_02
Thank you so much for doing that oh
6
SPEAKER_03
Oh, no, I mean, don t thank me, thank my husband, and he s pretty excited to see your show, so we can t wait.
6
SPEAKER_02
Fucking rock and roll.
6
SPEAKER_02
Wait, are you going to the early one or the late one?
6
SPEAKER_03
We re going to the late one.
6
SPEAKER_02
Oh, perfect.
6
SPEAKER_02
Okay, because I m not going to be able to meet people from the early one, but the late one, I m there.
6
SPEAKER_03
I figured, you know, screw the school day the next day.
6
SPEAKER_03
Gecko s in town, so we got to check out the late show.
6
SPEAKER_03
Figured it d be more on hinge than the early show.
6
SPEAKER_03
Could be wrong, though.
6
SPEAKER_02
Rock and roll.
6
SPEAKER_02
No, I m excited.
6
SPEAKER_02
I ll see you there and then you can tell me that you were the golem lady.
6
SPEAKER_02
And I ll be like, oh shit, I remember that.
6
SPEAKER_03
That s exactly right.
6
SPEAKER_03
That s 100% what I will tell you.
6
SPEAKER_03
I love that that is who I am now.
6
SPEAKER_02
By the way, I m just going to say this.
6
SPEAKER_02
People think I don t care because I don t remember anyone s name.
6
SPEAKER_02
But I swear to God, I swear, and I don t, I don t remember anyone s name, but I swear to God, I do these, the meet and greets, and people will come up to me and be like, hey, you re definitely not gonna remember this, but three years ago we talked about this, and I ll be like, I fucking actually do remember, I don t remember anyone s name, but I remember the calls.
6
SPEAKER_02
I
6
SPEAKER_02
Oh crap, he lived in Alaska or deep in Canada or something and he was getting sober and he was agoraphobic and hadn t left the house in years and years and years.
6
SPEAKER_02
I don t know if you guys remember this, but I met him at the fucking show.
6
SPEAKER_02
And he was like, I don t know if you remember me, but I was the guy in Alaska, kind of agoraphobic, and I was like, I fucking remember that.
6
SPEAKER_02
And there he was, he was out of his house.
6
SPEAKER_02
I was like, what the fuck are you doing in Tampa from Alaska?
6
SPEAKER_02
And he s like, we came for the show.
6
SPEAKER_02
And I was like, holy shit.
6
SPEAKER_03
uh... anyway i don t know anyway you didn t get your report will be a big you know i think you ve got to talk to me while i really appreciate it
6
SPEAKER_02
Hey, take care, man.
6
SPEAKER_02
You have a blessed one.
6
SPEAKER_03
Hey, you too.
6
SPEAKER_03
Good night, man.
6
SPEAKER_02
Goodbye.
6
SPEAKER_02
Hello, folks.
6
SPEAKER_02
It s Lyle here.
6
SPEAKER_02
That s the end of this episode, but get this.
6
SPEAKER_02
I m releasing a bonus episode this week.
6
SPEAKER_02
That s right.
6
SPEAKER_02
An entire extra hour of the podcast that you can listen to by becoming a premium member of Therapy Gecko over at therapygecko.supercast.com.
6
SPEAKER_02
Supercast subscribers get access to bonus episodes.
6
SPEAKER_02
They get a completely ad-free podcast feed of the regular show.
6
SPEAKER_02
They get recordings from my live shows, members-only streams, and they help support my ability to continue doing this podcast.
6
SPEAKER_02
So here s a clip from this week s members-only bonus episode.
6
SPEAKER_01
One day at four o clock in the morning, two dudes came into my room and they basically kidnapped me.
6
SPEAKER_01
They told me,
6
SPEAKER_01
you re going to go to Hawaii or I can go to the desert.
6
SPEAKER_01
And I chose Hawaii.
6
SPEAKER_01
Uh, my grandmother came in with them and was like crying and shit.
6
SPEAKER_01
Sorry.
6
SPEAKER_01
Am I going like too fast?
6
SPEAKER_02
You know, I m not a real therapist, right?
6
SPEAKER_02
I do.
6
SPEAKER_02
I do.
6
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
6
SPEAKER_02
I just wanted to make sure.
6
SPEAKER_02
Cause um, yeah, this, this is a pretty deep shit.
6
SPEAKER_02
It s pretty deep shit.
6
SPEAKER_02
So you went, you got, you were, this is one of those, like your parents orchestrate your kidnapping for like troubled children kind of shit.
6
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, dude, that s exactly what it was.
6
SPEAKER_02
If you want to hear this full conversation, you can sign up to become a premium member at therapygecko.supercast.com or find the link in the episode description.
6
SPEAKER_02
That s therapygecko.supercast.com.
6
SPEAKER_02
Alright, I have nothing else to say.
6
SPEAKER_00
He s teaching you how to live your life But he s not really an expert