0
SPEAKER_01
Hello?
0
SPEAKER_00
Hey there.
0
SPEAKER_01
Hi.
0
SPEAKER_00
Hi, what s your name?
0
SPEAKER_01
My name is Jai.
0
SPEAKER_00
J-A-I, Jai?
0
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
0
SPEAKER_00
How old are you, Jai?
0
SPEAKER_01
I m 22.
0
SPEAKER_00
Rock and roll.
0
SPEAKER_00
Jai, what s going on?
0
SPEAKER_00
How you doing?
0
SPEAKER_01
I don t really know, man.
0
SPEAKER_01
I think you saw what I said in my text message, but over the past two years, I ve lost over $40,000
0
SPEAKER_01
just from wanting to buy people s affection, I guess, because I didn t really have a good time making, I didn t really have an opportunity making friends growing up, so I thought that was the best possible way to do it, I guess.
0
SPEAKER_00
Mm, okay, so tell me, I guess, go ahead and start telling me about this from whatever angle you wanna start at.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay, so two years ago, I had received a trust from my grandmother who I m pretty sure was like patient zero of COVID.
0
SPEAKER_01
That s neither here nor there.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I received a trust of just under $100,000 that was supposed to be going to school and it didn t.
0
SPEAKER_01
over $40,000 to $50,000 of it actually went into just frivolous shit.
0
SPEAKER_01
And making a whole bunch of friends through Tinder and a whole bunch of friends that, I don t know, didn t really have the best intention for me.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I wanted to keep them around by buying them gifts and taking them on trips.
0
SPEAKER_01
And now none of those friends
0
SPEAKER_01
friends are still my friends.
0
SPEAKER_01
So I don t really know how much that was worth.
0
SPEAKER_00
And how long have you been using, trying to use money to make friends?
0
SPEAKER_01
And I got that money.
0
SPEAKER_01
I had grown up very poor.
0
SPEAKER_01
And so the most money that I ve ever had to myself was the $4,000 COVID stimulus check.
0
SPEAKER_01
And
0
SPEAKER_01
I didn t really spend that money well either.
0
SPEAKER_01
And so when I got this humongous check of $73,000, no, it was kind of game over, I guess.
0
SPEAKER_00
So did you have friends growing up?
0
SPEAKER_01
I wasn t really allowed to.
0
SPEAKER_01
I had a dad who would basically ostracize me.
0
SPEAKER_01
and not allow me to hang out with any people that I had anything in contact or common with.
0
SPEAKER_01
And, uh, it put me in a situation where even now I m way more, um, sociable, but it s kind of like, I don t know how to maintain these friendships, especially if I don t want to spend money on them.
0
SPEAKER_01
Cause I know that that s the only way that s kind of worked in the past.
0
SPEAKER_00
Hmm.
0
SPEAKER_00
Do you, do you still keep in touch with your dad?
0
SPEAKER_00
Do you, do you know why he did that?
0
SPEAKER_01
Um, so my dad is currently, uh, in a hospice or an anoxic brain injury.
0
SPEAKER_01
He, uh, he developed alcoholism and he had a massive coke problem and he fell into a coma because of it and came out, uh, not being able to speak or feed himself or talk very well.
0
SPEAKER_01
Um, so I can go visit him and ask, try to ask him why he did all that, but he probably wouldn t be able to give me a good answer.
0
SPEAKER_00
So do you at this moment have any friends at this moment?
0
SPEAKER_00
Do you have any people who you would consider your friend?
0
SPEAKER_01
Um, I have a lot of boyfriends, but I, I m, I seek out, uh, I guess only
0
SPEAKER_01
romantic relationships.
0
SPEAKER_01
I don t really seek out, I guess just friendships.
0
SPEAKER_01
I don t really know how to do that.
0
SPEAKER_01
Any friends that I did have, I don t really do anymore.
0
SPEAKER_00
This might be a sensitive question, um, but, and you don t have to answer if you want, but do you, do you like, like in the same way that you feel like, you know, you can only get people to be friends with you if you pay them.
0
SPEAKER_00
Do you, do you feel that way about sex?
0
SPEAKER_01
Um, no, not particularly.
0
SPEAKER_01
I wouldn t say so.
0
SPEAKER_01
Um, I kind of just do it because I can and I know that it s easy.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_00
Why do you feel like you have an easier time with that than with making friends?
0
SPEAKER_01
Because it s way more, I guess, mutually beneficial.
0
SPEAKER_01
Um, I don t know.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like I, it s just easier to talk people into wanting to do this with me instead of, you know, carrying out a whole long-term
0
SPEAKER_01
friendship where we re just kind of talking to each other and nothing s really happening.
0
SPEAKER_01
That s just the way that it works in my mind.
0
SPEAKER_01
I know that s not like realistically healthy, but like that s just how it s been because I ve only been shown that, you know.
0
SPEAKER_00
Hmm.
0
SPEAKER_00
Hmm.
0
SPEAKER_00
All right.
0
SPEAKER_00
So you have a lot of boyfriends, but no like actual friends and you re, you said you re 22.
0
Yes.
0
SPEAKER_00
Uh, what do you do?
0
SPEAKER_00
Are you in school or you do work?
0
SPEAKER_01
Um, I was in school.
0
SPEAKER_01
Um, I lost my job right before Christmas.
0
SPEAKER_01
Um, and I actually recently just moved states, um, escape from a pretty, pretty bad relationship.
0
SPEAKER_01
So I m kind of just lingering in a new state right now.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, so you re in a new state and do you, do you know anybody in this state?
0
SPEAKER_00
Do you have any family there or are you totally alone?
0
SPEAKER_01
I m staying with family.
0
SPEAKER_01
Um, the place where I was living previously, I didn t know anyone there.
0
SPEAKER_01
So I guess it s a little bit of a better situation.
0
SPEAKER_00
So, I mean, why do you feel like you can only make friends by giving them money?
0
SPEAKER_01
Because I like, I know realistically that I m, I don t want to sound like vain, but I know that I m a really cool person.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like any single time where I go out to an event, everyone s just drawn to me.
0
SPEAKER_01
But I think it s the thing where, just based on my development and based on an autism diagnosis, where I feel like I cannot maintain these genuine non-transactional relationships.
0
SPEAKER_01
I feel like I have to, as soon as I become friends with someone, I have to give them a gift just to validate, oh, this is how much I appreciate you.
0
SPEAKER_01
And then when I never get that in return, it s like, maybe I need to give them another gift, just so they know really how much I appreciate them.
0
SPEAKER_01
And then it just, I don t really get the logic behind it.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s just how it works in my head.
0
SPEAKER_01
And obviously not working.
0
SPEAKER_00
So you re initiating giving these people money very early on in the relationship, you re giving these gifts.
0
SPEAKER_01
I guess, yeah, like maybe, maybe like two to three weeks after we first become friends.
0
SPEAKER_01
Um, especially with people that I m dating, it s immediate.
0
SPEAKER_01
I ll start getting them gifts.
0
SPEAKER_00
I was going to ask, does this carry, does this activity carry over into like all these boyfriends that you re talking about?
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh, absolutely.
0
SPEAKER_01
Absolutely.
0
SPEAKER_01
I ve probably, the majority of the money that I ve spent has been on boyfriends.
0
Hmm.
0
SPEAKER_00
And, you know, I asked her already, but I ll ask you again and maybe we can like examine it a bit deeper.
0
SPEAKER_00
But like, why do you think you need to do this?
0
SPEAKER_01
Um, just for the sake of, I guess, not being alone.
0
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like, like right now, I was just hopping on your stream because I ve been just sitting in my apartment for the past, like, five days.
0
SPEAKER_01
just like wanting someone to talk to without having to reach out to them first, or, you know, just have someone be like, Hey, you know, I ve been thinking about you, but that hasn t happened.
0
SPEAKER_01
Um, and so I feel like I have to just, I have to give people reasons to want to talk to me.
0
SPEAKER_01
Um, which isn t too bad.
1
SPEAKER_00
Cool motherfucker.
1
SPEAKER_01
I just I just want people to hang out with me without having to ask for it first So so there s a lot of ways I want to talk about that whole thing but um, but I guess I d focus for now on like the money thing like Do you do you have a specific example of of a relationship?
1
SPEAKER_01
Let s start with platonically.
1
SPEAKER_01
Do you have a specific like tell me tell me about the last friendship?
1
SPEAKER_01
that you got into that you started to that, you know, was going well.
1
SPEAKER_01
And because it was going well, you started to feel like, oh, I need to buy them stuff.
1
SPEAKER_01
Like, tell me about a specific one, like the last time.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, so it was when I had first moved to Houston, that was the place that I just moved from.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I had this really, really close friend that I originally met online.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then we
1
SPEAKER_00
started talking more in person and we just became best friends.
1
SPEAKER_00
We hung out every single day.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I had saved them from a whole bunch of really bad situations, considering their mental health, whatever.
1
SPEAKER_00
But one day I decided that I wanted to make a road trip to Austin, which is like a three hour drive.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, you know, I usually go alone on road trips, but I asked my friend if they wanted to come.
1
SPEAKER_00
And that was kind of a big deal because I usually never invite people out on trips like that.
1
SPEAKER_00
And you know, my coach is a friend, why not?
1
SPEAKER_00
And I decided to come along.
1
SPEAKER_00
I buy essentially every single, every single thing on the trip.
1
SPEAKER_00
I got food.
1
SPEAKER_00
I get any toiletries that they needed.
1
SPEAKER_00
I bought the Airbnb.
1
SPEAKER_00
I bought the tickets for all of the events that we went to.
1
SPEAKER_00
And when I asked them, I was like, you know, why did you decide to come with me if you don t really have any money to do anything with?
1
SPEAKER_00
And they were like, I mean, honestly, I haven t been to Austin in a while.
1
SPEAKER_00
You re just kind of giving me a free ride to Austin.
1
SPEAKER_00
I just wanted to take it.
1
SPEAKER_00
I was like, damn, that sucks.
1
SPEAKER_00
You didn t even want to come just for like experiences with me.
1
SPEAKER_00
You just wanted to like
1
SPEAKER_00
come and just fuck off.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m just kind of here as like a free carpool, I guess.
1
SPEAKER_00
So yeah, I had bought them so many gifts on that trip.
1
SPEAKER_00
I had probably bought like maybe over $500 worth of stuff just on that trip and the trip is only like a day.
1
SPEAKER_00
It was a six hour round trip.
1
SPEAKER_00
But yeah, that was the one that stands out most in my mind.
1
SPEAKER_00
That was probably the first instance.
1
SPEAKER_00
And, uh, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Hmm.
1
Hmm.
1
SPEAKER_01
And this is something that s happened to you a few times.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_01
Hmm.
1
SPEAKER_00
I want to ask, go ahead.
1
SPEAKER_00
Go ahead.
1
SPEAKER_00
I was going to say, I was, I know that I m just getting myself into these situations because I tend to hang out with pretty, pretty much the same kind of people.
1
SPEAKER_00
Um,
1
SPEAKER_00
but those are just the kind of people that I like.
1
SPEAKER_01
Tell me what you mean by those kind of people.
1
SPEAKER_01
Who are those kind of people?
1
SPEAKER_00
I hang out at a lot of punk clubs.
1
SPEAKER_00
I hang out at a lot of live music venues, comedy clubs.
1
SPEAKER_00
I was friends with a lot of comedians.
1
SPEAKER_00
And the nice thing about hanging out with a lot of comedians is that they always need coke.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so I would always be the one who would buy them Coke.
1
SPEAKER_00
Just like, I didn t want them to fail on their set, you know?
1
SPEAKER_00
That s kind of fucked up.
1
SPEAKER_00
But yeah, that s just generally people who have issues already.
1
SPEAKER_01
Let me ask you this before we keep going.
1
SPEAKER_01
Do you have a real therapist?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_01
What do they say about all this?
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t know, I just wanted to talk to you.
1
SPEAKER_01
No, no, no.
1
SPEAKER_01
What do they say about all this?
1
SPEAKER_00
They kind of tell me what I m already kind of
1
SPEAKER_00
Explaining out loud to myself.
1
SPEAKER_00
I know that I m getting myself into these situations and I shouldn t If it s a if it s a friendship, that s purely transactional.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s not a real friendship and you know, I totally I totally understand that but I would rather Lose a shit ton of money then not be able to talk to people It s it s working but it s not really doing what it needs to do
1
SPEAKER_01
So, um, I mean, I have, I have some thoughts on this if, if, if they, if it would be helpful to you.
1
SPEAKER_01
Um, so I mean, your therapist is, is right.
1
SPEAKER_01
Like obviously, you know, the, the way that you re going about doing this is not, is not great.
1
SPEAKER_01
Um, so I would, I would think about all of this stuff differently because like,
1
SPEAKER_01
you re lonely, and you wanna be around more people, and you wanna have positive relationships, like every human being on the fucking planet Earth, right?
1
SPEAKER_01
And you re going about it by being like, well, okay, what is within my ability to make friends?
1
SPEAKER_01
Which is a great, which is a phenomenal way to think about that problem.
1
SPEAKER_01
You re just answering that question in a fucked up way.
1
SPEAKER_01
You re answering that question by going, you know what I can do?
1
SPEAKER_01
I can just buy people things, and I can spend a bunch of money on them, and I can take them to trips, and I can do this, and I can do that.
1
SPEAKER_01
And, um, the way in which you re answering that question just continues to fuck you over time and time again.
1
SPEAKER_01
And you re smart, and you know that.
1
SPEAKER_01
Um...
1
SPEAKER_01
So I would, I guess if I were you and I m, I m, I m really thinking about your situation because it s an interesting one.
1
SPEAKER_01
Um, and one that, you know, I ve struggled, we all struggle with, with loneliness and, and wanting to take it into our own hands and fixing it.
1
SPEAKER_00
Sorry.
1
SPEAKER_00
Can I ask, um, what, in what way is it interesting?
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, um, how, I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_00
I haven t been in any other position other than mine, but like, I would think that people,
1
SPEAKER_00
kind of generally do the same thing?
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, when you, well, people, people kind of generally do the same thing in the sense that people have the people kind of generally always have, people have those same desires that you have.
1
SPEAKER_01
They want to have friends and they want to feel loved and they want to feel appreciated.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay, sure.
1
SPEAKER_00
I got that.
1
SPEAKER_01
Um,
1
SPEAKER_01
But I guess in answering the, again, and tell me if any of this resonates with you, but in answering the question of what is within my power to get to the point where I m having better social interactions, I would answer that question differently.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I would go...
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, what is what s cool about me?
1
SPEAKER_01
Like, you know, I go to these punk shows and I have this ability to go up and start talking.
1
SPEAKER_01
I go to these comedy shows.
1
SPEAKER_01
I go out.
1
SPEAKER_01
I leave my house.
1
SPEAKER_01
I have the ability to go up to people and strike up a conversation.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I have the ability to show interest in other people.
1
SPEAKER_01
and I m funny and I m cool and I m presenting the best sides of myself and I m, you know, being attentive to people and I m putting myself out there.
1
SPEAKER_01
And actually, I like a lot of what you re doing.
1
SPEAKER_01
Like, you re solving your problem by putting yourself out there.
1
SPEAKER_01
You know, it only becomes a problem when you start to like overextend to this point where you feel like that s not enough.
1
SPEAKER_01
And so you have to throw in money and gifts and whatnot.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I guess, you know, I m not a real therapist.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m just spieling here.
1
SPEAKER_01
But I guess it seems like it all comes back to this thing of like, how do you feel like you re enough?
1
SPEAKER_01
And that s a crazy journey of building your self-esteem to get yourself to a point where you re like, oh, I m enough.
1
SPEAKER_01
I don t need to buy people Coke to get them to like me.
1
SPEAKER_01
And by the way, on this phone call, you expressed this to me.
1
SPEAKER_01
You said it.
1
SPEAKER_01
You have it in you.
1
SPEAKER_01
You said, I know I m a cool person.
1
SPEAKER_01
I know I m fun to be around.
1
SPEAKER_01
You have it in you.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s the thing.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s the thing, though, is that, yes, I am absolutely cool.
1
SPEAKER_00
with going out to an event and talking to people, but most of the time when I do that, I m drunk.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m fucking shit-faced.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t know how to talk to people on, like, just a face-to-face level.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, what am I supposed to talk about?
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, I know that we re at an event, like, you could just kind of talk about the event, but, like, outside of that, what the fuck?
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, all I really know is, like, someone asked me if I want to go do a bump in the bathroom.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay, I m gonna tell you this I really I swear to God if you take anything away from this conversation and I mean this I m not saying this to like
2
SPEAKER_00
be cute, I mean this Jai, if you can do these things while you re fucked up, if you can be confident and strike up conversations with folks and feel yourself and whatnot while you re fucked up, I swear to god you can do it sober.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I don t,
2
SPEAKER_00
And you re gonna have to try and succeed for you to believe that you can.
2
SPEAKER_00
But I really, I mean that.
2
SPEAKER_00
I think you can.
2
SPEAKER_00
Have you ever tried?
2
SPEAKER_00
Have you ever tried going out and not drinking but still summoning the confidence that is within you?
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay, it s not the alcohol that gave you that confidence.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s part of who you are as a person.
2
SPEAKER_00
You re an extrovert.
2
SPEAKER_00
You know how to talk to people.
2
SPEAKER_00
Have you tried summoning those things without getting fucked up?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, for sure.
2
SPEAKER_01
I ve tried it.
2
SPEAKER_01
Um, I m currently on like a sober journey right now.
2
SPEAKER_01
Um, but, uh, thing is, is that like when I go out to an event and I m like, okay, I m not going to drink anything for the first couple of hours.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then I get super nervous and I get so anxious and I m like, I just need like one beer, like just chill out.
2
SPEAKER_01
There s like a little bit.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then it turns into like two lemon drops and then green tea shots.
2
SPEAKER_01
So.
2
SPEAKER_01
concerning.
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, look, I mean, first of all, continue going to see your, what is your, does your therapist say anything else?
2
SPEAKER_00
Cause I have more thoughts about this, but I m curious what legitimate mental health professionals have to say about your situation.
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, they kind of just think it resonates from not being able to do all that fundamental shit growing up, just being able to know how to talk to people just in school.
2
SPEAKER_01
Um, but like, um,
2
SPEAKER_01
She always tells me that I m doing way better than probably anyone else would be doing in my situation, because I m actually making the stops to actually be able to fix it, instead of just being like, oh, well, it s me.
2
SPEAKER_01
But I don t know.
2
SPEAKER_01
I ll get into really high phases where it s so easy just to go out and be like, this is nothing.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then once I start doing it for a while,
2
SPEAKER_01
like that anxiety should start hitting me again and I m like I don t know if I don t know if I m really presenting what I want to present and I just kind of regress and I just kind of stay inside and
2
SPEAKER_01
don t want to do any of that shit anymore.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, by the way, I fully agree.
2
SPEAKER_00
By the way, I agree heavily with your your therapist, right?
2
SPEAKER_00
Because I m not gonna I don t want to play pretend.
2
SPEAKER_00
But I mean, I guess that s what I fucking do is I play pretend therapist.
2
SPEAKER_00
Anyway.
2
SPEAKER_00
You know, it from it sounds to me like,
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, you know, you were put in a fucked up situation that caused some problems for you.
2
SPEAKER_00
And you re like, you are you really are doing great.
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, like, like that the fact that you re taking it upon yourself to go out and make friends, right?
2
SPEAKER_00
Like some people they do they just go well with me and they sit at home and they and they just won t fucking do it.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like, even though, like, obviously, obviously it d be great if you, if you did it without getting fucked up, but, uh, just the fact that you re trying and putting effort towards it, I do, I agree with her that, that you re doing a lot better than most people in your situation would.
2
SPEAKER_01
Appreciate it.
2
SPEAKER_00
Um, so, I mean,
2
SPEAKER_00
All right, so you go out to the, okay, tell me this.
2
SPEAKER_00
You ve been in the house, you re the kind of person, and this is the kind of person I wanna be, is someone who can just go out by themselves to a thing and start talking to people and making friends.
2
SPEAKER_00
You are that kind of person.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s all that I do.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s all that you do.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s all that I do.
2
SPEAKER_00
Why have you, why have you?
2
SPEAKER_01
It s so strange to me.
2
SPEAKER_00
Why have you been at home for five days?
2
SPEAKER_00
What s keeping you at home for the past five days?
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, I don t know, it s cold.
2
SPEAKER_01
I live in Denver, I don t wanna go outside.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_01
But like I could like there s there s probably so many events that I probably go to that maybe I might be interested in.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s another thing.
2
SPEAKER_01
I just don t like this city.
2
SPEAKER_01
Don t want to have to talk to people in this city.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m excited for you to come because maybe I ll be able to talk to people at your show who are like generally like minded but like anywhere else it s it s kind of like pulling teeth talking to people out here.
2
SPEAKER_01
So that s another thing too.
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, it s, it s really, and you, you do have an interesting situation because, um, I mean, we talk to people on this show all the time and I feel I ve talked, I talked about it in my fucking documentary about being lonely and whatnot.
2
SPEAKER_00
Um, and like, you re really like doing it, like, like you re really doing the thing that a lot of people won t do, which is to go out.
2
SPEAKER_00
But, but you have this problem that you re talking about where
2
SPEAKER_00
For some reason, I guess, and don t let me put words in your mouth, but it sounds like for some reason you feel like even though you know that you re cool and sociable and worthy of being somebody s friend, you still have this whatever fucking thing in your brain that makes you be like, no, that s not enough, I gotta buy them cocaine.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, absolutely.
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, let s think about that for a sec.
2
SPEAKER_00
What is that?
2
SPEAKER_00
What do you think that is?
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s kind of difficult.
2
SPEAKER_01
I just feel like I have to provide.
2
SPEAKER_01
I know that I m funny.
2
SPEAKER_01
I know that I m pretty nice to look at, but I feel like
2
SPEAKER_01
that s kind of where it ends like I don t I feel I know that I have this really interesting personality where um I feel like I m talking on my own ass but like it s true like I know that there s things to me that are good but yeah it s it s just like where does it like it s gonna stop somewhere and then they re gonna stop finding me interesting and so I have to be like oh no wait hold on I ll get you
2
SPEAKER_01
baseball just so you don t lose your interest in me or you know, buy you a beer.
2
SPEAKER_00
Can we flip the script for a second?
2
SPEAKER_00
These people, like this friend, this friend who you took to Austin, um, who wasn t really that cool anyway.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like, did you, do you like these people?
2
SPEAKER_00
Do you find these people interesting?
2
SPEAKER_01
I love them.
2
SPEAKER_01
I think they re so interesting.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s the main reason why I hang out with, I hung out with them as much as I did.
2
SPEAKER_01
Every single person that I ve spent such and such amount of money on, I thought they were the coolest person on earth.
2
SPEAKER_01
And they were just my favorite person.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I just felt like I had to prove that to them.
2
SPEAKER_00
This is another thing.
2
SPEAKER_01
That kind of reminds me of something.
2
SPEAKER_01
Probably maybe a year after I had stopped talking to the friend that I took to Austin, I went to, Channel 5 was on tour at the time, and they were in Houston, and they were having like a little after party at this comedy club.
2
SPEAKER_01
And they never ended up showing up, but I went just to see if they ended up showing up.
2
SPEAKER_01
And that friend was also there.
2
SPEAKER_01
And there was just something inside me that
2
SPEAKER_01
Like I, I m never the type to want to start confrontation, but it was just like, I was being controlled.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like I was just, I got up and walked over to them and I was just like, I could tell that they were just scared of me.
2
SPEAKER_00
The friend, the friend that you brought to Austin with you was there?
2
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_01
I could tell that they were scared.
2
SPEAKER_01
They got so scared.
2
SPEAKER_01
They told me that they didn t even recognize me.
2
SPEAKER_01
Um,
2
SPEAKER_01
They re much bigger than me.
2
SPEAKER_01
They re much taller.
2
SPEAKER_01
They re just bigger.
2
SPEAKER_01
And they kind of just shrunk under me.
2
SPEAKER_01
And that made me feel good as hell.
2
SPEAKER_01
That made me feel so good.
2
SPEAKER_01
But that makes me feel evil, too, because I don t know what I did to make them have that reaction just to seeing me after all that time.
2
SPEAKER_01
But it made me feel like shit, so it was nice to make them feel like shit for just a little bit, I guess.
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t really know why I brought that up, but it just kind of seemed like work.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like every like like this is such a weird situation because everything s there like clearly like like I guess you would think like oh this comes from like low self-esteem but you know like you clear but clearly you do recognize all of the things that are positive and good about yourself because you ve been talking about them and um are aware of them
2
SPEAKER_00
So I m just really trying to figure out and also you have these like social skills that are really hard to develop So I m like, what the what is it?
2
SPEAKER_00
That is like This what is the block that s making it so that you you?
3
SPEAKER_02
you feel like you need to spend money on people.
3
SPEAKER_01
I just got mad imposter syndrome.
3
SPEAKER_01
I already know that that s the main thing.
3
SPEAKER_01
Um, but like, yeah, it s a very weird situation.
3
SPEAKER_01
It doesn t really make sense in my mind.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like anyone else probably if they were in my exact same stat range, I probably have the most amount of friends, but it s just so difficult for me.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t understand.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_02
Hmm.
3
SPEAKER_02
Is there anything else that your therapist said that is helpful that you want to bring up?
3
SPEAKER_01
Um, don t, uh, I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_01
Don t look for what you want to see in yourself and others, I guess.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like that was, that was the main thing.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like I met all these really cool people who were everything that I wanted to be musicians, comedians, standups, whatever.
3
SPEAKER_02
Tell me more about that.
3
SPEAKER_02
Tell me more about that.
3
SPEAKER_02
They re everything that you want.
3
SPEAKER_02
What do you want to be?
3
SPEAKER_01
I want to be an entertainer.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like I want to be, I want to be known by everyone and known by no one at the same time, you know?
3
SPEAKER_01
Um, it s, that s just, it s just, it comes off to me as like the prime of confidence, the prime of self-esteem, I guess, is you being able to put yourself in front of all these people without any,
3
SPEAKER_01
any worries about it because you know that you re doing something for them at the end of the day.
3
SPEAKER_02
That s what I want to be able to do.
3
SPEAKER_02
You have to, you gotta understand, and you know this for a second, the comedians and magicians are some of the most awkward, low self-esteem motherfuckers out there.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, no, no, I totally, I ve seen it.
3
SPEAKER_01
I ve seen it firsthand.
3
SPEAKER_01
But like, just being able to put on that facade just for a little bit is just what, it s just so appealing to me.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, just being able to put on a mask
3
SPEAKER_01
for a little bit.
3
SPEAKER_02
Well, when you go to the comedy shows, do you ever do open mics?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_01
I did a few because my friend was running it.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t know if I m not good at writing material.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m kind of a funnier person off a dime.
3
SPEAKER_01
I mean, obviously, anything that I practice with, I ll get better at, but it s just, I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_01
I feel like a lot of people just have an inherent talent for it, and it s kind of discouraging when I don t see that out of myself.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, there s a lot going on here, but I, when s the next time, you ve been in your house for five days, you haven t gone out, you haven t spoken to anyone, or just like, gonna give up?
3
SPEAKER_01
I mean, it s probably, it hasn t been like,
3
SPEAKER_01
Uh, maybe two or three days, probably not five days.
3
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_02
Well, are you, would you be willing to go out again?
3
SPEAKER_02
Well, what s today, Thursday, tomorrow s Friday night.
3
SPEAKER_02
Would you be willing to go out again and try again, but this time just make it a point of like nothing of, of like, I m going to do it, but I m not, I m at least this time.
3
SPEAKER_02
I m not going to get fucked up.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_02
And I m not going to give it to my, and I m not going to give it to my impulses and I m going to see what happens.
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, that s hard, but yeah, I can try to make that promise to myself.
3
SPEAKER_02
Mm-hmm.
3
SPEAKER_02
Um... Because, yeah, all you need is... I mean, if... You re so, like, you re so close.
3
SPEAKER_02
That s the thing, is you re so close, you know?
3
SPEAKER_02
And all you need is, like, a little bit of evidence that, like, oh, okay, this idea that I need to buy people things to get them to like me is all in my head.
3
SPEAKER_02
let me get a little bit of evidence that that this is all in my head and um i don t know if i don t know if fixing uh whatever trauma and uh you know uh mental wiring is is as easy as that but it seems like a good place to start
3
SPEAKER_02
Like, let me just go out, make a friend at night, start talking to someone, which I know I can do, because I know I m a sociable, cool person, and let me do it without alcohol, because the alcohol, um, you know, obviously, yeah, alcohol makes you a little bit more confident, but you don t need it.
3
SPEAKER_02
That shit s within you, you know?
3
SPEAKER_02
So so I guess if there s any homework from this phone call.
3
SPEAKER_02
It s like go out go out and Do your thing, but just try not to get fucked up and try not to buy anyone you know cocaine or movie tickets All right, I ll try my best What s your knit Jai Jai um I
3
SPEAKER_02
Chai, is there anything else, like, any other aspect of this that you want to talk about, or, um, anything else you wanted to run by me, or any other stuff before we go?
3
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I don t know, the other thing that I said in my text message to you was because I think all this kind of, like, sparked up because I electrocuted myself at school and nearly burnt the school down, and I think
3
SPEAKER_01
ever since then, like, it s just kind of like, I guess rewired my brain a little bit.
3
SPEAKER_01
I feel like if I hadn t done that, I would have been like a normal sociable human being.
3
SPEAKER_02
But you feel like because you burned the school down, you know, I didn t actually burn it down.
3
SPEAKER_01
I, I, I caused an electric, I caused an electrical fire and nearly burned the school down.
3
SPEAKER_01
But, uh, didn t so long ago, but I,
3
SPEAKER_01
It was in probably 2006.
3
SPEAKER_01
So I was like 5.
3
SPEAKER_02
You feel like that s still as... What about that do you feel like is still lingering today?
3
SPEAKER_01
The friaring to my nerves.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_01
I had electrical current shot through my body.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I brought out the power in the entire school for maybe like 6 hours.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, but like, I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_02
And you feel like that gave you like reverse superpowers?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I think it kind of like made me a little R-worded, just a little bit.
3
SPEAKER_01
It kind of dulled me down a little bit.
3
SPEAKER_02
Okay, all right.
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, um... You know, when people go to conversion camps, like shock the gay out, I feel like it shocked the sociability out of me.
3
SPEAKER_01
Ever since then, I ve just been kind of stupid.
3
SPEAKER_02
Interesting.
3
SPEAKER_02
Well, well, look, that s not true, right?
3
SPEAKER_02
Like you, it s not, it s not, it s not, it s not fucking true.
3
SPEAKER_02
This is not fucking true.
3
SPEAKER_02
I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_02
I m not Andrew Heuermann.
3
SPEAKER_02
I don t know how things work in the body, but, but that s not true.
3
SPEAKER_02
So, um, go, go, go.
3
SPEAKER_02
Tomorrow s Friday night.
3
SPEAKER_02
Go out.
3
SPEAKER_02
Don t get fucked up.
3
SPEAKER_02
Don t buy anyone any fucking things.
3
SPEAKER_02
Just see how you feel.
3
SPEAKER_02
Just talking to people.
3
SPEAKER_02
No attachments.
3
SPEAKER_01
I ll turn up respectfully.
3
SPEAKER_01
I ll try my best.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_02
All right.
3
SPEAKER_02
Is there anything else you want to say to the people at the computer before we go, Jai?
3
SPEAKER_01
Peace and love.
3
SPEAKER_01
Have a wonderful day.
3
SPEAKER_01
You can find me on Instagram at t-test.
3
SPEAKER_01
Love you so much!
3
SPEAKER_00
Thank you guys for listening!
3
SPEAKER_02
P-Test?
3
SPEAKER_00
P-T-E-E P-E-S No!
3
SPEAKER_00
Tests!
3
SPEAKER_00
Like... Like tests!
3
SPEAKER_02
Oh, P-Pests?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yes, P-E-E P-E-S-T-S That s actually kind of a cool Instagram name.
3
SPEAKER_02
Um, thank you for calling, Jai!
3
SPEAKER_02
Gak bless you, have a good rest of the night.
3
SPEAKER_01
You too, buh-bye.
3
SPEAKER_02
That was interesting.
3
SPEAKER_02
I hope she does it.
3
SPEAKER_02
It s funny, I talked to her for a pretty long time, we talked for like 35 minutes, and sometimes I do, I did feel at the end of that call that it started with, we went through that whole problem, and I do think I kinda just ended it by saying, well hey, why don t you just not do that?
3
SPEAKER_02
And it s like, yeah, thanks, buddy.
3
SPEAKER_02
That s fantastic advice from the therapy gecko.
3
SPEAKER_02
But I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_02
Hopefully that was helpful in some way, shape or form.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I felt with her like all the s- like everything was there, like she- she had an awareness of... like, who she was and- and the positive qualities that she had.
3
SPEAKER_02
But there was just some fucking mental block and... I don t know, with doing these- with- with having these conversations and doing these things, there s just a lot of things where I m like, I don t know how to... how to overcome that thing, but... whatever, I hope that... that- that... brief call with the gecko was helpful in some way, shape, or form.
3
SPEAKER_02
Hello?
3
SPEAKER_02
Hey what s up dawg?
4
SPEAKER_01
What s up?
4
SPEAKER_01
What s your name?
4
SPEAKER_01
Seth.
4
SPEAKER_01
Seth.
4
SPEAKER_01
Seth, how can I geck you today?
4
SPEAKER_00
No fucking way.
4
SPEAKER_00
Fucking away.
4
SPEAKER_00
Well, I ve got a big issue going on right now.
4
SPEAKER_00
Um, let s hear about it.
4
SPEAKER_00
Let s see, let s talk about it.
4
SPEAKER_00
I love one girl for who she is, and another for who she is, but for what she s got.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
Um, tell me more.
4
SPEAKER_00
One girl works for FedEx with me.
4
SPEAKER_00
Another one works for Warner Brothers studios and makes, is going to make a lot of money.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t know who to choose.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
Um,
4
SPEAKER_01
How did you meet tell me how you met these girls Facebook?
4
SPEAKER_01
Like how on Facebook Facebook dating and friendship Okay, when when you meet a woman on Facebook who tells you that she has a lot of money Well, you have to verify whether or not she s a real human being Right and I did I made her verify where she works
4
SPEAKER_00
because being where I live, working for Warner Brothers is seems fucking impossible.
4
SPEAKER_01
Have you met these two women in person?
4
SPEAKER_00
Uh, yes.
4
SPEAKER_00
I feel like that should be a simple yes or no question.
4
SPEAKER_00
Uh, yes.
4
SPEAKER_00
And other stuff.
4
SPEAKER_01
I, I, what do you, I just asked if you had, have you met these two girls in person?
4
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
I didn t ask if you had sex with them.
4
SPEAKER_01
I know.
4
SPEAKER_01
Um, uh, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
Are you, are you like, what, what s, what s the story with that?
4
SPEAKER_01
How long have you been like, uh, well, do they know about each other?
4
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_01
All right.
4
SPEAKER_01
How long have you been involved with each of them?
4
SPEAKER_01
Uh, two, three months.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
And, um, well, are they, are, and both of them, how do they, okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
So they both know about each other.
4
SPEAKER_01
How do they feel about the existence of each other in your lives?
4
SPEAKER_01
Negative.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
One feels better than the other.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
And so you re asking me which of these girls you should go with based on like one of them makes a lot of money.
4
SPEAKER_00
No, which one, um, I should really go just go with.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
Well, which one do you like more?
4
SPEAKER_00
I love both of them.
4
SPEAKER_00
One of them is more comfortable.
4
SPEAKER_00
One provides more luxury.
4
SPEAKER_01
So you re trying to get this girl.
4
SPEAKER_01
If I were you, I wouldn t factor how much money either of these women make into your decision.
4
SPEAKER_01
Unless if that s just always been your dream to be a trophy husband.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s not.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s more, I ve been the one always doing a lot of shit.
4
SPEAKER_00
The cooking, the cleaning, everything.
4
SPEAKER_00
One has her issues.
4
SPEAKER_00
doesn t have her kids, one has her kids and likes to do the cooking and cleaning.
4
SPEAKER_01
All right.
4
SPEAKER_01
So let me ask you this.
4
SPEAKER_01
If you re going to be if you re going to be the sugar, the trophy husband to this multimillion dollar Warner Brothers executive, what are you going to bring to the table that s going to make her want to spoil you?
4
SPEAKER_00
Uh, that s the exact question I asked myself because she says, you don t have to do anything.
4
SPEAKER_00
You just be yourself.
4
SPEAKER_00
Are you a cool guy?
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Uh, the reason why she says she loves me is because I am who I am.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
So, you know, this woman for three months and you guys are already in love.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m in love with both of them.
4
SPEAKER_01
And you ve known both of them three months.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
They both love me for who I am.
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, congratulations.
4
SPEAKER_01
Not many people can say that.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, but one is also talking to another guy, the other one that s not well off, and it sucks.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m very confused.
4
SPEAKER_01
I still want to get to the bottom of why you are so intrigued with how much money this woman makes.
4
SPEAKER_00
I wasn t.
4
SPEAKER_00
I loved her for who she was.
4
SPEAKER_00
When we started talking, I started talking to one that was supposed to be a friend.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then she confessed her love to me while I was talking to this girl that I was supposed to be dating.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I confessed my love back.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then it became an argument and I stopped talking to this other girl for five days.
4
SPEAKER_00
And we, sorry, but we had sex every day.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then I ended it when this other girl, or sorry, the other girl goes, Hey, uh, so my boss decides to surprise me with a free trip to the Bahamas.
4
SPEAKER_00
Because she works for Warner Brothers.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then I, sorry, I did ask for proof.
4
SPEAKER_00
And she provided me with every little bit of proof.
4
SPEAKER_00
And we are going to the Bahamas.
4
SPEAKER_01
You asked her for proof that she works at Warner Brothers?
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
I mean, where I live, that s unheard of.
4
SPEAKER_01
Where do you live?
4
SPEAKER_01
What state?
4
SPEAKER_01
Iowa.
4
SPEAKER_01
Iowa.
4
SPEAKER_01
You asked her for, like you said, I don t, like she said she works for Warner Brothers and you said, I don t believe you.
4
SPEAKER_01
Send me an email from your Warner Brothers address.
4
SPEAKER_00
Uh, sort of.
4
SPEAKER_00
I wanted proof that she worked for Warner Brothers.
4
SPEAKER_00
Why?
4
SPEAKER_00
Because where we live, something like that isn t a job here.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I didn t believe her.
4
SPEAKER_00
So I was like, well, I want proof that you actually do work for Warner Brothers.
4
SPEAKER_00
And she sent me.
4
SPEAKER_00
Her passcode information.
4
SPEAKER_01
She sent you her passcode information.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yep.
4
SPEAKER_01
Everything that is that sensitive information.
4
SPEAKER_00
To a point, but it s not enough to get her in trouble.
4
SPEAKER_00
What do you do?
4
SPEAKER_00
Uh, I work for FedEx.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
Why are you, is the plan to marry this woman and quit your job and be like a house husband?
4
SPEAKER_00
That s what she tells me.
4
SPEAKER_00
She wants me to be.
4
SPEAKER_01
How do you feel about that?
4
SPEAKER_00
I mean, great.
4
SPEAKER_00
I ve met her kids.
4
SPEAKER_00
I met her.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
Um, uh, I mean, it s, I mean, look, it really, it really sounds like you want to go with the woman who makes more money in a way, but there s a huge difference between the two of them.
4
SPEAKER_00
What is that?
4
SPEAKER_00
She likes to cook and clean and be a housewife.
4
SPEAKER_00
And that s something I ve never had, like happiness.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like I said, I ve been the one to wait a minute.
4
SPEAKER_01
So this this woman, this woman wants to this woman wants to cook and clean for you and be the sole income owner of the house as well while you literally do nothing.
4
SPEAKER_00
No, that s not that.
4
SPEAKER_00
I like a woman that wants to help cook and clean.
4
SPEAKER_00
I ve always cooked and cleaned.
4
SPEAKER_00
I want to share that and do both at the same time.
4
SPEAKER_00
I mean, have you ever been the one in a relationship to always cook and clean everything up?
4
SPEAKER_01
So you want to share the cooking and cleaning with her.
5
SPEAKER_02
While she makes all of the money?
5
SPEAKER_02
No What s your idea?
5
SPEAKER_02
What s your name again?
5
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Seth Seth?
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Seth, what s your ideal situation here?
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Happiness Okay, what s gonna make you the most happy?
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Enjoying life with someone
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Okay.
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Which of these women do you think you re going to enjoy life with more?
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The other one, because I mean, I haven t told the story about the other girl.
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You haven t told the story?
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What s the story?
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So she, okay.
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Both of them have three kids.
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One has all three, one doesn t.
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The other one that
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works kind of with me since we re both FedEx people.
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Um, she lost her kids due to a lot of bad things.
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I m not going to tell her story right, right here.
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Um, she had to forcefully kind of give up her rights to her kids for their safety.
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The other one didn t.
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So there s limited time that she can spend with her kids.
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The other one has her kids.
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This Facebook dating sounds exactly like the place that I anticipate it would be.
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Horrible.
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I m not going to say anything further than that.
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Well, all right, man.
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I mean, goddamn, I asked you this question and you answered it immediately.
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So, you know, you don t need my help.
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Go with your gut.
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I mean, so this girl, I was dating both of them at the same time for a month and a half.
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Uh-huh.
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I ended it with one of them.
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Oh, wait, so you already ended it with one of these girls?
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is sort of space.
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Well, the one I ended up with asked me to come over one night and I was like, all right, fuck it.
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I was drunk.
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But then I said, we can t do this again.
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Did listen.
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Okay.
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And, and
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I don t know which- I don t know- First of all, I don t know if- I don t know if either of these two women are real.
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I don t actually know if you re real, and if this is some kind of AI-generated, uh, Facebook dating advertisement.
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Um, but if I were- if I were you, if I were you, I would- I mean, would just pick something and dive into it, because the longer you spend sitting on the fence and, uh, you know, postulating about these two, um, you re just gonna waste time.
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And, um,
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I don t, I don t know.
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This whole thing is super, uh, it s kind of weird to me, but, um, you know, do whatever makes you happy, man.
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I know that that s a platitude, but it sounds as though, again, when I asked you how you felt, you had a gut reaction.
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So, I mean, if I were you, I would go with that gut reaction.
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That s what I planned going with.
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But also, I mean, think about all the things that you can do with this woman s money, and with her influence too, because I was going to say you should ask her if she s going to make the next Batman movie not suck, because I walked out of the first one, so I m hoping that the second one... She does not have that much influence.
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She has a little bit of credit on editing.
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What s your name one more time?
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Seth.
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Seth, is there anything else you want to say to the people at the computer before we go?
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Go watch Aquaman 2, because that helps her revenue.
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That helps her revenue, and it also trickles down to you, apparently.
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Yeah.
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Take care, Seth.
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Thanks for calling.
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Hey, thank you.
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Folks, go sign up for Facebook dating.
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Use the coupon, use the code Seth for 10% off super likes.
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Facebook dating super likes.
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Hello folks, it s Lyle here.
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That s the end of this episode, but get this, I m releasing a bonus episode this week.
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That s right, an entire extra hour of the podcast that you can listen to by becoming a premium member of Therapy Gecko over at therapygecko.supercast.com.
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Supercast subscribers get access to bonus episodes, they get a completely ad-free podcast feed of the regular show, they get recordings from my live shows, members-only streams, and they help support my ability to continue doing this podcast.
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So here s a clip from this week s members-only bonus episode.
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I m a furry.
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I just got a suit.
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It s like a head and a tail and I m very proud of it.
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It s awesome.
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Alright, Frost, let s get into it.
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How s the crazy monkey suit sex?
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That s what everyone wants to know.
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Um, I don t want to sweat too much in it, you know?
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Because I want to keep it nice.
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But once I get a few more suits, I ll probably delegate one for the hot and steamy.
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So you are trying to get to the point where you have a few monkey suits and one of them is specifically for sex.
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Yeah, just a few, you know.
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That s a good idea.
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I should, I should, I should set aside one of my gecko suits for that.
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Oh yeah.
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But you only have one though, right?
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Dude, when you said, oh yeah, just now you kind of slipped into a little, um, I don t even know what that was, but it was something.
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Yeah.
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Um, is that good?
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Well, anyway, if you want to hear this full conversation, you can sign up to become a premium member at therapygecko.supercast.com or find the link in the episode description.
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That s therapygecko.supercast.com.
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All right, I have nothing else to say.
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Taking your phone calls every night.
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Therapy kid goes to his right.
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He s teaching you how to live your life.
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But he s not really an expert.