1
SPEAKER_00
 really well.
1
SPEAKER_00
Now, the answer to your question, I want to give that context because without the context, all this is about survival or doing okay for yourself.
1
SPEAKER_00
 And I think you're not gonna feel a great life just trying to take care of yourself.
1
SPEAKER_00
Don't get me wrong.
1
SPEAKER_00
It's like, if you know the Indian tradition, in India they teach these four aims of life.
1
SPEAKER_00
The first aim is Artha, A-R-T-H-A.
1
SPEAKER_00
And what that means is prosperity and security.
1
SPEAKER_00
But it's important to take care of that because when that prosperity and security is there, it's not like that's not spiritual.
1
SPEAKER_00
Taking care of yourself and your family is part of life.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so you need to do that.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then the next level of development, next aim of life is Kama, K-A-M-A.
1
SPEAKER_00
And that means pleasure.
1
SPEAKER_00
 And it's good to find pleasure.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like if you found good work that serves more than yourself, you're going to prosper.
1
SPEAKER_00
But then do you enjoy it?
1
SPEAKER_00
And do you enjoy your life?
1
SPEAKER_00
And do you appreciate things?
1
SPEAKER_00
And it's like finding that appreciation.
1
SPEAKER_00
It isn't just sensuality or sexuality.
1
SPEAKER_00
It's music.
1
SPEAKER_00
It's art.
1
SPEAKER_00
It's family.
1
SPEAKER_00
It's all these things.
1
SPEAKER_00
It's the history of your own country and finding the good.
1
SPEAKER_00
 Right?
1
SPEAKER_00
And then the third level for that most people have heard of is Dharma, which is, you know, your purpose or your truth.
1
SPEAKER_00
But notice, you really don't have a real clear Dharma in most people unless they've got some level of prosperity or security, some level of enjoyment of life, that they get to the point of thinking broader.
1
SPEAKER_00
Now some people early on are trying to find their purpose.
1
SPEAKER_00
What's my purpose?
1
SPEAKER_00
What's my purpose?
1
SPEAKER_00
I've got to find my ultimate purpose.
1
SPEAKER_00
Who said there's one freaking purpose?
1
SPEAKER_00
 Where did you get that delusion?
1
SPEAKER_00
And why does it have to be so huge?
1
SPEAKER_00
I know, like, when I was a young kid, I had this purpose statement.
1
SPEAKER_00
The purpose of my life is to be a passionate, loving, incredible creation of what God shows is possible by serving all of humanity and lifting them.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I went on and on and on.
1
SPEAKER_00
Now, like, what's my purpose?
1
SPEAKER_00
How can I help?
1
SPEAKER_00
I mean, serving is what my purpose is.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don't need all this bullshit.
1
SPEAKER_00
 And that means I can do it when I say I'm a little bit of a mailman, I can do it in front of 50,000 people, I can do it with my child, right?
1
SPEAKER_00
And there's lots of different purposes as you go through your life.
1
SPEAKER_00
But most people try to get that, they haven't even figured out what the hell they're gonna do, they haven't even figured out how to enjoy their life.
1
SPEAKER_00
 Your purpose will unfold if you do the right thing.
1
SPEAKER_05
In this section, Dr. Daniel Amen discusses some of the most common habits we should kick to increase daily brain function.
1
SPEAKER_05
I'm gonna ask you some controversial questions about brain health.
1
SPEAKER_05
 How much does, is it a third of Americans are obese or is it two thirds?
1
SPEAKER_05
Two thirds of Americans?
1
SPEAKER_06
72% of Americans are overweight.
1
SPEAKER_06
Are overweight.
1
SPEAKER_06
42% of us are obese.
1
SPEAKER_06
Obese.
1
SPEAKER_06
I published three studies.
1
SPEAKER_06
 In fact, I did an NFL study.
1
SPEAKER_06
One of them was an NFL study.
1
SPEAKER_06
I took players at the same position who were at a healthy weight versus those that were overweight.
1
SPEAKER_06
The overweight had sleepy frontal lobes.
1
SPEAKER_06
They had decreased activity in the frontal lobe.
1
SPEAKER_06
I just published a study on 35,000 people.
1
SPEAKER_06
It's one of the largest imaging studies ever done.
1
SPEAKER_06
 And there is virtually a linear correlation between as your weight goes up, the function of your rank goes down.
1
SPEAKER_06
 Morbidly obese was worse than obese, which was worse than overweight, which was worse than healthy weight.
1
SPEAKER_06
So healthy weight versus... So healthy weight would be the best activity, and then overweight, and then obese, and then morbidly obese.
1
SPEAKER_05
What consists as overweight versus obese?
1
SPEAKER_05
Is this body fat percentage?
1
SPEAKER_06
 Well, it's something called BMI or body mass index, which in NFL players actually doesn't correlate very well.
1
SPEAKER_06
For them, it's their waist to height ratio.
1
SPEAKER_06
So your waist should be half
1
SPEAKER_06
 your height or less.
1
SPEAKER_06
So if you're six feet tall, that's 72 inches, your waist, and you gotta measure.
1
SPEAKER_06
You can't go by your pants size because the clothing industry knows that we're unhappy.
1
SPEAKER_06
And so you guys gotta put a tape measure right around your belly button.
1
SPEAKER_06
And so if you're six feet, your waist should be 36 inches or less.
1
SPEAKER_06
And if it's not, then it's good to work on.
1
SPEAKER_06
 And you just see it as a problem to solve, but if you want to keep your brain healthy or rescue it if it's headed to the dark place, you have to prevent or treat the 11 major risk factors.
1
SPEAKER_06
I have a mnemonic for that I read about in the books called bright minds.
1
SPEAKER_06
Well, if you're overweight, that automatically means you have five of the risk factors.
1
SPEAKER_06
 because being overweight decreases blood flow.
1
SPEAKER_06
That's what my study showed.
1
SPEAKER_06
It increases inflammation.
1
SPEAKER_06
It stores toxins.
1
SPEAKER_06
Fat stores toxins, like if you smoke pot.
1
SPEAKER_06
It actually stays in your body for 30 days.
1
SPEAKER_06
 It changes your hormones, and this is like shocking for me in my NFL work, that these big strapping, virile men are almost all low in testosterone because when you have subconcussive blows, it damages the pituitary gland, which turns off the production of testosterone.
1
SPEAKER_06
 Belly fat, especially, takes healthy testosterone and turns it into unhealthy, cancer-promoting forms of estrogen.
1
SPEAKER_06
And so, you have the diabetes, the risk factor, blood flow, inflammation, toxins, and hormones.
1
SPEAKER_06
And so... That's all from being overweight.
1
SPEAKER_06
That's all from being overweight.
1
SPEAKER_06
It's just a thing we should be...
1
SPEAKER_06
 working on, and what I often say is the real weapons of mass destruction, ISIS has nothing on our food industry.
1
SPEAKER_06
They're highly processed, pesticide-sprayed, high-glycemic, low-fiber, food-like substances stored in plastic containers.
1
SPEAKER_06
This is what's really killing the health of America.
1
SPEAKER_05
Okay, so, obesity is a, what I'm hearing you say, obesity is a big factor to mental health.
1
SPEAKER_05
 Stresses and brain stresses and Alzheimer's disease and Alzheimer's.
1
SPEAKER_06
Yeah, I mean they're all it all sort of goes right together from depression to problems in school to Memory problems later in life.
1
SPEAKER_05
What's your thought?
1
SPEAKER_05
I mean I'm all for people loving themselves where they're at where they're at in their life and loving their bodies for where they're at and not shaming themselves and the self-love movement of accepting yourself for where you are and
1
SPEAKER_05
 But that's only going to hurt our brains if we're not actually saying, okay, I accept and love myself where I'm at and the decisions I've made to be here, but I've got to start working on these things.
1
SPEAKER_05
Otherwise there's going to be some challenges emotionally, mentally, anxiety, depression, if I don't work on it, right?
1
SPEAKER_05
My health.
1
SPEAKER_06
 the don't worry, be happy people die the earliest from accidents and preventable illnesses.
1
SPEAKER_06
And I want people to love themselves.
1
SPEAKER_06
But doing the right thing is an act of love.
1
SPEAKER_06
Like if you're really unhealthy, walking is an act of love.
1
SPEAKER_06
And so,
1
SPEAKER_06
 So it sort of catches me in this funny place.
1
SPEAKER_06
I remember I was on a plane once, and I'd figure out this connection between as your weight goes up, the size and function of your brain goes down.
1
SPEAKER_06
And I was sitting next to someone who was very overweight, and we were on a tiny plane going to Des Moines, Iowa for public television.
1
SPEAKER_06
And in my head, I'm like, oh, you wanna talk to her about that.
1
SPEAKER_06
 I talk to myself all the time, it's like, no, you don't want to say anything.
1
SPEAKER_06
Don't need to upset her today.
1
SPEAKER_06
But then I went to Pittsburgh and I went to GNC, you know, the supplement company.
1
SPEAKER_06
 One of my core values is being authentic.
1
SPEAKER_06
So I live the message of my life.
1
SPEAKER_06
And the message of GNC is health.
1
SPEAKER_06
And their number three guy, their marketing director, took me to dinner, was morbidly obese.
1
SPEAKER_06
And that thought in my head is, you should talk to him about this.
1
SPEAKER_06
And, you know,
1
SPEAKER_06
 And he made the comment, he opened the conversation, he's like, you know, I don't know why I'm overweight, but my numbers are okay.
1
SPEAKER_06
And I'm like, Tom.
1
SPEAKER_06
And I'm like, Tom, you don't want to be a dinosaur.
1
SPEAKER_06
Because I had figured out, big body, little brain, you're going to become extinct.
1
SPEAKER_06
 And we had this great conversation because my favorite verse in the New Testament is John 8, 32, know the truth and the truth will set you free.
1
SPEAKER_06
I'm like, do you not wanna be like the number two guy or the number one guy?
1
SPEAKER_06
You're not gonna do that if your brain's not healthy.
1
SPEAKER_06
 And that conversation, the next year he lost 80 pounds.
1
SPEAKER_06
Most people don't know that this is a serious health, mental health, brain health risk.
1
SPEAKER_06
 And I just wanna tell people the truth, and I want them to get healthy.
1
SPEAKER_06
And people go, but I don't like any of, one of my NFL players, but I don't like any of the foods that are healthy for me.
1
SPEAKER_06
And I'm like, none, not one?
1
SPEAKER_06
And we did this great exercise.
1
SPEAKER_06
 And it turned out he liked like 70 of the foods that were out.
1
SPEAKER_06
You only want to love food that loves you back.
1
SPEAKER_06
It's a relationship, right?
1
SPEAKER_06
I don't know if you've ever been in a bad relationship, but I've been in a bad relationship.
1
SPEAKER_06
As in a 20 year marriage with someone who didn't like me very much.
1
SPEAKER_06
I'm never going to do that again.
1
SPEAKER_06
I'm just not.
1
SPEAKER_06
It's a boundary for me.
1
SPEAKER_06
 I'm damn sure not going to be in a bad relationship with food.
1
SPEAKER_06
I want to be in a good relationship.
1
SPEAKER_06
I mean, I love food.
1
SPEAKER_06
I just want it to love me back.
1
SPEAKER_05
What are the five foods that we should have to help our brain the most?
1
SPEAKER_06
Salmon, wild salmon, blueberries, walnuts, olive or avocado oil.
1
SPEAKER_06
 Yeah, healthy protein, chocolate.
1
SPEAKER_06
I make this great brain healthy hot chocolate every night for my family.
1
SPEAKER_06
I just look at the six of them that live at home, I'm like, okay, who's up for it tonight?
1
SPEAKER_06
So Costco of all places, organic vanilla unsweetened almond milk, raw cacao, it's a superfood.
1
SPEAKER_06
So organic raw cacao.
1
SPEAKER_06
 And a little bit of Sweet Leaf is a company that makes flavored stevia.
1
SPEAKER_06
They make chocolate flavored stevia.
1
SPEAKER_06
And put it in the blender, heat it up, it's phenomenal.
1
SPEAKER_06
It's good for me, I love it, and it loves me back.
1
SPEAKER_05
It loves you back.
1
SPEAKER_05
So salmon, blueberries, walnuts, avocado, or avocado oil, raw chocolate are some of the top favorite foods for the brain.
1
SPEAKER_06
For the brain.
1
SPEAKER_05
Why are these foods, is it high in
1
SPEAKER_05
 Antioxidants is it's proteins that they have so blueberry.
1
SPEAKER_06
It's the phytonutrients They've actually done studies showing cognitive enhancement with blueberry juice Salmon, it's the omega-3 fatty acids and the complete protein Avocados, it's the healthy fat especially omega-3 fatty acids same with walnuts your brain is
1
SPEAKER_06
 is fat.
1
SPEAKER_06
Low-fat diets are bad for your brain.
1
SPEAKER_06
People who go on low-fat diets actually have an increased incidence of depression.
1
SPEAKER_06
Now you don't want bad fats, fried fats particularly.
1
SPEAKER_06
You want healthy fats, avocados, nuts and seeds, green leafy vegetables, olive oil, avocado oil, Damien nut oil.
1
SPEAKER_05
So how much
1
SPEAKER_05
 How much food should the brain have?
1
SPEAKER_05
Is it, you know, your buddy, our buddy Dave Asprey talks about fasting a lot.
1
SPEAKER_05
A lot of people are in this fasting craze.
1
SPEAKER_05
If we're not giving the brain food or nutrients for a day, three days, five days, does that help the brain?
1
SPEAKER_05
Does it reset the brain?
1
SPEAKER_05
Does it hurt the brain?
1
SPEAKER_06
 So intermittent fasting, where you go 12 to 16 hours from dinner to breakfast or lunch, is good.
1
SPEAKER_06
They've actually found your, there's a term called autophagy, where your brain begins to clean up some of the trash.
1
SPEAKER_05
So it works in the brain too, not just in the fat cells in the body.
1
SPEAKER_06
It works on the brain as well.
1
SPEAKER_06
 I grew up Roman Catholic, and long-suffering was one of the gifts, and I never got that one.
1
SPEAKER_06
I'm not a fan of long-suffering.
1
SPEAKER_06
I'm not doing a marathon.
1
SPEAKER_06
It's like way too much stress for my brain, and I'm not fasting for three days, but I can go 12 hours.
1
SPEAKER_06
I mean, that's not a big deal.
1
SPEAKER_06
 deal, and it helps people lose weight.
1
SPEAKER_06
It helps them be healthy.
1
SPEAKER_06
And I come from a family of fat people.
1
SPEAKER_06
My dad used to hate when I would say that.
1
SPEAKER_06
But I have a brother who's 150 pounds overweight, despite me loving him, nudging him.
1
SPEAKER_06
 You just have to be thoughtful, know your vulnerability and bright minds and G is genetics.
1
SPEAKER_06
So know what you're genetically vulnerable to and you know, I have to work on it.
1
SPEAKER_05
Right, right.
1
SPEAKER_05
How you mentioned you don't do marathons.
1
SPEAKER_05
If you're not traumatizing the brain through contact sports,
1
SPEAKER_05
 But you're an endurance junkie.
1
SPEAKER_05
You love to run marathons.
1
SPEAKER_05
You run them every year.
1
SPEAKER_05
You do triathlons.
1
SPEAKER_05
You do ultra marathons.
1
SPEAKER_05
You're doing mountain climbing.
1
SPEAKER_05
Are these activities good for the brain to put some extreme stress on it, even if it's not physical contact to the brain?
1
SPEAKER_05
Or does it long-term hurt the brain?
1
SPEAKER_06
 The scans I have of extreme athletes are not good.
1
SPEAKER_05
Really?
1
SPEAKER_06
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_06
I think it's too much stress for the brain.
1
SPEAKER_06
I love hip training, high intensity training.
1
SPEAKER_06
That's been shown to increase mitochondria and cells.
1
SPEAKER_06
I'm not a fan of putting your body under a lot of stress.
1
SPEAKER_06
It's just not good for it.
1
SPEAKER_06
Some stress is good.
1
SPEAKER_06
We call it eustress.
1
SPEAKER_06
 A little bit, so your fibers grow.
1
SPEAKER_06
That's why weight training is important.
1
SPEAKER_06
The stronger you are as you age, the less likely you are to have Alzheimer's disease.
1
SPEAKER_06
Really?
1
SPEAKER_06
But you want to love your brain.
1
SPEAKER_06
You want to make sure you're sleeping for your brain.
1
SPEAKER_06
That's the S in Bright Minds.
1
SPEAKER_05
So someone's like, you know what?
1
SPEAKER_05
Okay, I hear what you're saying, but I really love to do a marathon or two a year.
1
SPEAKER_05
 a few times in my life I wanna do, I wanna climb Everest or something like that.
1
SPEAKER_05
I wanna do something to challenge myself.
1
SPEAKER_05
Is that gonna hurt the brain long term?
1
SPEAKER_06
If you're doing everything else right.
1
SPEAKER_06
So one of my NFL players just signed an $80 million deal.
1
SPEAKER_06
So he's gonna play.
1
SPEAKER_06
He's going to play.
1
SPEAKER_06
But if you're gonna do something that is potentially damaging to the brain,
1
SPEAKER_06
 make sure you're doing everything else right.
1
SPEAKER_06
So, for example, being a firefighter is a brain-damaging profession.
1
SPEAKER_06
We need to own that, just like we need to own playing football as a brain-damaging profession.
1
SPEAKER_06
It's like, own it.
1
SPEAKER_06
Everybody knows it.
1
SPEAKER_06
Now, when I started my work in 2007, very few people know it.
1
SPEAKER_06
Now, everybody knows it.
1
SPEAKER_06
 But they don't know that being a firefighter, because there are heroes.
1
SPEAKER_06
Those are the people we need when we need them, and we need them healthy.
1
SPEAKER_06
But because of the toxins they breathe, because of the emotional trauma they see day in and day out, because of the head traumas they experience, they have a higher incidence of depression, a higher incidence of suicide, and a higher incidence of early death.
1
SPEAKER_06
We should not be okay with this.
1
SPEAKER_06
 But it doesn't mean we're not going to have firefighters.
1
SPEAKER_06
What it means is we should put their brain in a rehabilitative environment all the time.
1
SPEAKER_06
We should be teaching them about brain health, like with NFL players currently.
1
SPEAKER_06
We should be teaching them, look, if you're going to do this, own it.
1
SPEAKER_06
It's a brain damaging sport.
1
SPEAKER_06
So let's just do everything else.
1
SPEAKER_05
 Right.
1
SPEAKER_05
What are the other things right that you talk about?
1
SPEAKER_05
Are there a few main keys?
1
SPEAKER_05
Is it nutrition?
1
SPEAKER_05
Is it sleep?
1
SPEAKER_06
Well, we think about bright minds.
1
SPEAKER_06
It's such a good model.
1
SPEAKER_06
So blood flow, B is blood flow.
1
SPEAKER_06
So exercise and foods like beets.
1
SPEAKER_06
 that increase blood flow or supplements like Ginkgo that increase blood flow.
1
SPEAKER_06
The R is retirement and aging.
1
SPEAKER_06
New learning is absolutely critical.
1
SPEAKER_06
You know, your work and studying greatness, you're always learning something new, which is great for the brain.
1
SPEAKER_05
Retirement plus aging, is that what you said?
1
SPEAKER_06
Retirement and aging.
1
SPEAKER_05
So continuing to learn in those stages.
1
SPEAKER_06
And always putting yourself in an anti-aging
1
SPEAKER_06
 Environment so the food you eat the exercise new learning being passionate never Retiring right?
1
SPEAKER_06
I mean, maybe you go and do something else you like better because you have enough money, but never retirement because when you start When you when you start not doing things your brain actually starts to disconnect
1
SPEAKER_05
 In this final section, Evy Pampouris shares techniques used by the Secret Service to help build confidence and poise in high-stress situations.
1
SPEAKER_01
Find alternative ways to let people down.
1
SPEAKER_05
 Why is that?
1
SPEAKER_05
Why not?
1
SPEAKER_01
To preserve the relationship.
1
SPEAKER_05
Because when you say no to someone, even if it's a friend, they might take it personally.
1
SPEAKER_01
It stings.
1
SPEAKER_01
Right?
1
SPEAKER_01
Why are you saying no to me?
1
SPEAKER_01
Why do you have to say like that?
1
SPEAKER_01
You can say, you can reject people in a thoughtful way, in a professional way, and it just, it depends.
1
SPEAKER_01
Like, do you care about the relationship?
1
SPEAKER_01
And if you do, your no, your hard no, can hurt people's feelings.
1
SPEAKER_01
People become sensitive because you're rejecting them.
1
SPEAKER_01
And so I'm going to think of a different way to say no.
1
SPEAKER_01
 that's not gonna impact you as much.
1
SPEAKER_01
It's really using language thoughtfully.
1
SPEAKER_01
So for example, you brought up lying.
1
SPEAKER_01
I love that.
1
SPEAKER_01
And you said, you know, when I was a kid, I lied.
1
SPEAKER_01
So I would never say to you, Louis, you're a liar.
1
SPEAKER_01
Or Louis, no, Louis, you're lying to me.
1
SPEAKER_01
I would say, Louis, I know you're not being truthful with me.
1
SPEAKER_01
Louis, you're holding something back from me.
1
SPEAKER_01
Sounds different.
1
SPEAKER_01
So it's the same way with language.
1
SPEAKER_01
We throw our words out and we don't realize
1
SPEAKER_01
 that they land on someone.
1
SPEAKER_01
And so then we scratch our heads wondering, why did this conversation not go well?
1
SPEAKER_01
It's this person's the problem.
1
SPEAKER_01
When we don't have that ability to think about how did I deliver this?
1
SPEAKER_01
So if it's a business relationship, that's important to you, but you want to say no to this, you want to think of a great way to say no.
1
SPEAKER_01
So we want to think about how do we let people down without hurting their identity, going back to identity.
1
SPEAKER_05
 Was there ever a time when you were interviewing or interrogating someone and you didn't believe them, ever, but they were telling 100% the truth?
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh my god, you just reminded me of this case.
1
SPEAKER_05
 You're just like, I know this person's lying to me, but at the end of the day, everything he said was pretty true, or almost 100% true?
1
SPEAKER_01
This was, I've never, I had, it was such a simple case, and it was not even for a lot of money.
1
SPEAKER_01
It was an ATM scam.
1
SPEAKER_01
This man was going to ATMs, and he was stealing money.
1
SPEAKER_01
Somebody would go in, use their credit card, he'd come from behind, take money.
1
SPEAKER_01
Very simple.
1
SPEAKER_05
 Like put them up with a gun or something?
1
SPEAKER_01
No, no, no, no.
1
SPEAKER_01
Just follow them in.
1
SPEAKER_01
There's these little skimmers that they put on top of the machine so when you scan your card that it would pick up your information as well and then you could go.
1
SPEAKER_01
There's all these different scams.
1
SPEAKER_01
So, but when you go to the ATM, there's a camera there.
1
SPEAKER_01
It's got your full picture.
1
SPEAKER_01
So, I have a picture of this guy, my perpetrator.
1
SPEAKER_01
It's a picture of him.
1
SPEAKER_01
I see him, his face.
1
SPEAKER_01
He's wearing a hat.
1
SPEAKER_01
He's wearing a New York Knicks hat.
1
SPEAKER_01
 And I was like, here's my guy.
1
SPEAKER_01
All right, you know, I've got it.
1
SPEAKER_01
All I gotta do is lay the picture on.
1
SPEAKER_01
So he shows up for his interview wearing the same New York Knicks hat.
1
SPEAKER_01
So I start speaking to him.
1
SPEAKER_01
I don't take out my evidence, right?
1
SPEAKER_01
Cause I'm, I'm saving that.
1
SPEAKER_01
Cause I'm, that's my- So you knew this was a slam dunk?
1
SPEAKER_01
This is a slam dunk.
1
SPEAKER_01
I was like, he didn't even steal a lot.
1
SPEAKER_01
$500 or something.
1
SPEAKER_01
Small.
1
SPEAKER_01
I don't know how it landed in my lap, but it did.
1
SPEAKER_01
 And, sir, you took the money.
1
SPEAKER_01
No, no, miss, I swear to God, I would never do that.
1
SPEAKER_01
Sir, we have this.
1
SPEAKER_01
So I'm doing this with him for like 15 minutes, and this was a mistake on my part.
1
SPEAKER_05
We have evidence, we have proof, we have video footage of you at the scene.
1
SPEAKER_01
No, never me, never me.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I pull out, I think I'm being slick, and I pull out my photo of him.
1
SPEAKER_01
Boom, right on the table.
1
SPEAKER_01
Who's that, sir?
1
SPEAKER_01
Right, and I'm sitting there, I'm all smug, I'm like, I got this guy.
1
SPEAKER_01
 And he takes it and he looks at it.
1
SPEAKER_01
He's like, looks like me.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, he looks like me.
1
SPEAKER_01
He's not me.
1
SPEAKER_01
I was like, what?
1
SPEAKER_01
That's you.
1
SPEAKER_01
He's like, it looks like me.
1
SPEAKER_01
That's not me.
1
SPEAKER_01
 Same hat, New York Knicks hat, the guy showed up with the same hat.
1
SPEAKER_01
You're wearing the hat right now.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, no.
1
SPEAKER_01
And it was a creative interview, and I remember it was for money.
1
SPEAKER_01
It was not for a lot of money.
1
SPEAKER_01
In fact, when it came to financial crimes, crimes that had to do with money, it was actually harder to get people to confess to those.
1
SPEAKER_05
Why?
1
SPEAKER_01
Less guilt.
1
SPEAKER_05
 That's guilt.
1
SPEAKER_05
They didn't hurt someone physically.
1
SPEAKER_05
They might have hurt them financially.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_01
I'm at home.
1
SPEAKER_01
I'm sitting behind my computer.
1
SPEAKER_01
I'm in my fuzzy slippers.
1
SPEAKER_01
Or even if I'm doing it at the ATM, I'm not stealing from you.
1
SPEAKER_01
I'm stealing from the bank.
1
SPEAKER_01
But it's different when I walk by you and actually put my hand in your pocket.
1
SPEAKER_01
It's different when I go into your home and I assault you.
1
SPEAKER_01
So there's that level of guilt.
1
SPEAKER_01
But when it's money, and especially if you steal it from an institution,
1
SPEAKER_02
 Zero guilt.
1
SPEAKER_01
Those were the hardest to get.
1
SPEAKER_01
But yeah, that was my guy.
1
SPEAKER_01
I will never forget it until I started laughing.
1
SPEAKER_01
Was it him or was it not him?
1
SPEAKER_01
It was him.
1
SPEAKER_01
We arrested him anyway because we had the proof.
1
SPEAKER_01
But it's always great to get, it's always helpful to have a confession because it really just kind of seals everything.
1
SPEAKER_01
You've got the evidence, you've got this, the person said it.
1
SPEAKER_05
 But he never agreed to it.
1
SPEAKER_01
No, no.
1
SPEAKER_05
He said, it looks like me, but it's not me.
1
SPEAKER_01
No, same New York Snick hat.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I don't know.
1
SPEAKER_01
I guess he's from New York.
1
SPEAKER_01
Who doesn't like the Knicks?
1
SPEAKER_01
He does nothing.
1
SPEAKER_01
And you could see his face.
1
SPEAKER_01
Looks like me.
1
SPEAKER_01
I got nothing from him.
1
SPEAKER_05
Really?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_05
So he never actually told the truth, but it was, in fact, him.
1
SPEAKER_01
It was him.
1
SPEAKER_01
I mean, we had evidence.
1
SPEAKER_01
We had prints.
1
SPEAKER_01
We had all that stuff.
1
SPEAKER_01
But yeah, no, he, you know, to the end, no, not me.
1
SPEAKER_05
 Could you tell?
1
SPEAKER_05
I couldn't tell.
1
SPEAKER_05
You couldn't tell he was lying or not?
1
SPEAKER_01
I couldn't tell.
1
SPEAKER_01
No, he was so believable.
1
SPEAKER_01
But I knew going in that he was my guy.
1
SPEAKER_02
Right.
1
SPEAKER_01
So that's why I was like, I know it's him, but it was just like, stoic.
1
SPEAKER_01
And there's a moment I'm like, is it not him?
1
SPEAKER_01
Right?
1
SPEAKER_01
These are so good.
1
SPEAKER_01
You're like, am I seeing this right?
1
SPEAKER_01
Turn the photo around.
1
SPEAKER_01
I'm like, no, no, it's him, it's him, it's him.
1
SPEAKER_01
No, no, this is you.
1
SPEAKER_01
 So some people are that good.
1
SPEAKER_01
Some people are that good.
1
SPEAKER_01
They will, some people, and I think this is, look, this was also somebody who committed a lot of crimes.
1
SPEAKER_05
He was used to it.
1
SPEAKER_01
He knew how to get out of it.
1
SPEAKER_01
So certain people who lie a lot usually become better at it, or they don't feel bad.
1
SPEAKER_01
They become better at masking it.
1
SPEAKER_01
 You obviously have a great conscience, and so it bothered you, and so all your tells were shown.
1
SPEAKER_01
You couldn't conceal it.
1
SPEAKER_05
Yeah, it's like your heart is pumping, like your chest is tight, like your throat is clenching, you're like, uh.
1
SPEAKER_01
It bothered you.
1
SPEAKER_05
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Which is a healthy thing.
1
SPEAKER_01
 It's actually a healthy thing when it bothers you.
1
SPEAKER_01
We tend to see in people who have sociopathic tendencies or anti-social tendencies, those people don't tend to be bothered.
1
SPEAKER_01
And so they can lie and can be quite calm about it.
1
SPEAKER_01
 because they don't feel that guilt.
1
SPEAKER_01
The majority of people will feel guilt.
1
SPEAKER_01
So the majority of people will feel the way you feel because you know it's wrong, you feel it.
1
SPEAKER_01
Whereas those individuals with those tendencies, they don't care.
1
SPEAKER_05
What about a situation that you lied your way through or someone believed you?
1
SPEAKER_05
Is there a situation like that in the last three to five years where you lied about something you're not proud of maybe or
1
SPEAKER_05
 that people believed you and more than just, oh, I'm having a good day, lie?
1
SPEAKER_01
You know what I did?
1
SPEAKER_01
I could probably confess to this, this was so long ago.
1
SPEAKER_01
I went and got, it was back in the day, I got a money order from... Western Union?
1
SPEAKER_01
The post office.
1
SPEAKER_04
Post office.
1
SPEAKER_01
And you know, I was like young, I was a kid, I wasn't making a lot of money, I was in college.
1
SPEAKER_01
And so I asked for a money order for like $3.99.
1
SPEAKER_01
 I pay, I get it, and then as I'm leaving, I see $4.99, and I'm like, oh!
1
SPEAKER_05
100 bucks.
1
SPEAKER_01
100 bucks, and I took it.
1
SPEAKER_01
And to this day, I remember it, it bothered me.
1
SPEAKER_05
Really?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it bothered me.
1
SPEAKER_05
 Did it bother you that you didn't tell the truth right then and say, hey, you guys gave me too much?
1
SPEAKER_01
No, I took the money.
1
SPEAKER_05
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_05
I took the money.
1
SPEAKER_05
Did it bother you that you lied about it?
1
SPEAKER_01
Statute of limitations.
1
SPEAKER_01
I think I'm okay.
1
SPEAKER_01
I took the money.
1
SPEAKER_01
It bothered me afterward because I knew it was, um, I knew it was wrong.
1
SPEAKER_01
I will tell you this one story.
1
SPEAKER_01
We went.
1
SPEAKER_05
Did that come up in the secret service interview?
1
SPEAKER_05
Did you ever steal something like money when you were younger?
1
SPEAKER_01
You know what I did lie about and did come up in my secret service interview?
1
SPEAKER_01
I'll tell you that.
1
SPEAKER_01
I,
1
SPEAKER_01
 When I applied for the job, when I went to college, my parents, and I love my family, they weren't very supportive.
1
SPEAKER_01
They weren't very supportive of my decisions.
1
SPEAKER_01
My dad was a bit difficult.
1
SPEAKER_01
They didn't really want me to go.
1
SPEAKER_01
And so when you apply for college, you need their paperwork, their tax paperwork.
1
SPEAKER_01
I needed aid.
1
SPEAKER_01
They couldn't afford it.
1
SPEAKER_01
And so my dad was so upset with me, he wouldn't give me his tax paperwork.
1
SPEAKER_05
To go to college?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
 didn't agree with my decisions because I was going to private school that they could not afford.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, I'll figure it out on my own, but either way.
1
SPEAKER_01
And so I lied.
1
SPEAKER_01
When I went to the school, I said, I can't get this tax paperwork.
1
SPEAKER_01
You know, the main person was there is like, well, you think you can't get aid.
1
SPEAKER_01
 And so I went back to the school later on and I said, I'm not living at home, I'm alone, can I get aid?
1
SPEAKER_01
I can't get access to this tax paperwork.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then I got aid.
1
SPEAKER_01
So I flat out, I, yup, I lied.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I spilled the beans in my polygraph.
1
SPEAKER_05
I was like, I- You told them, this is what happened.
1
SPEAKER_01
I said, I lied to get financial aid.
1
SPEAKER_01
Because I couldn't qualify for aid.
1
SPEAKER_01
 And so I was like, you know, they didn't care that.
1
SPEAKER_01
I was like, look, my dad, my mom, they won't give me their tax paperwork.
1
SPEAKER_01
They're so upset with me.
1
SPEAKER_01
They don't agree with my decision to go to this school to do this.
1
SPEAKER_01
 And they're like, no, unless you don't have your parents in your life.
1
SPEAKER_01
I was just like, I was like, I'm going to college.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I lied.
1
SPEAKER_01
But in my polygraph, I was like, I have to tell you something.
1
SPEAKER_01
Actually, I said it before they hooked me up.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I said, look, I did.
1
SPEAKER_01
I lied about this.
1
SPEAKER_01
I did this.
1
SPEAKER_01
You know, like, why did you do it?
1
SPEAKER_01
I was like, I wanted to go to college.
1
SPEAKER_01
I couldn't get money to go to school.
1
SPEAKER_01
So I was OK.
1
SPEAKER_01
I got the job.
1
SPEAKER_05
Wow.
1
SPEAKER_05
How many things did you tell, did you confess to before you took the polygraph?
2
SPEAKER_01
 That was my biggest thing.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
That was my thing.
2
SPEAKER_01
Drugs, I never had, despite growing up in New York, I never had any issues.
2
SPEAKER_01
I always stayed away from it, I think because I saw so much around it, of that around me.
2
SPEAKER_01
And the more people kind of put it in my face, the more I was kind of like, I'm not doing that.
2
SPEAKER_01
But probably would have been the opposite.
2
SPEAKER_01
If nobody did it, I'd be the one to be like, oh, I'm going to try this.
2
SPEAKER_01
 But I think that was the biggest thing.
2
SPEAKER_01
It weighed the heaviest with me because I was like, I did this bad thing.
2
SPEAKER_01
I lied on my...
2
SPEAKER_01
 financial aid paperwork to get aid.
2
SPEAKER_01
I'm hoping the statute of limitations is expired on that as well.
2
SPEAKER_01
I paid back all my loans.
2
SPEAKER_01
I paid back all my loans.
2
SPEAKER_00
When you're in an interrogation or an interview, or you're on a first date, or you're at a job interview in your career, or any type of first interview with any situation, what's the best way to build command, authority, and credibility?
2
SPEAKER_01
 Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
So you can do very simple things, like when you greet someone, hi, how are you?
2
SPEAKER_01
Come on in.
2
SPEAKER_01
Why don't you use the bathroom before we get started?
2
SPEAKER_01
So I'm not asking you, would you like to use the bathroom?
2
SPEAKER_01
I'm telling you, why don't you go use the bathroom?
2
SPEAKER_01
Why don't you have something to drink?
2
SPEAKER_01
What can I bring you?
2
SPEAKER_01
So in this subtle way, I'm telling you to go to the bathroom, and you're going to go.
2
SPEAKER_01
Because of the way I said, why don't you go to the bathroom?
2
SPEAKER_01
No, no, go before we get started.
2
SPEAKER_01
 You just said authority.
2
SPEAKER_01
Why don't you have something to drink?
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, no, I'm good.
2
SPEAKER_01
No, have something to drink.
2
SPEAKER_00
We're going to be here for a little bit.
2
SPEAKER_01
Have something to drink.
2
SPEAKER_01
So now I'm planting these little seeds telling you,
2
SPEAKER_01
 I'm in control.
2
SPEAKER_01
I'm not telling you, but I'm doing it subtly.
2
SPEAKER_01
Have a seat there.
2
SPEAKER_01
You know, you can show me where to sit.
2
SPEAKER_01
Or on the flip side, you could also practice something called autonomy, where you let somebody choose their own seat.
2
SPEAKER_01
And that's a different tactic.
2
SPEAKER_01
So there's two tactics here.
2
SPEAKER_00
Where would you like to sit?
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
 Where would you like to sit?
2
SPEAKER_01
So you may use that on me if you want to talk about a topic that I don't want to talk about.
2
SPEAKER_01
And so autonomy makes me feel like I have a choice.
2
SPEAKER_01
You let me choose where I'm going to sit because you're going to let me have it later.
2
SPEAKER_01
You're going to try to push me on something later.
2
SPEAKER_00
I gave you something now, the law of reciprocity means you give me something later.
2
SPEAKER_01
Exactly.
2
SPEAKER_01
But also autonomy though, it's actually also not reciprocity.
2
SPEAKER_01
It's actually more of I feel in control.
2
SPEAKER_01
 because we don't like to feel like we're not in control.
2
SPEAKER_01
So if you want to talk about something where I'm really uncomfortable, I don't feel like I'm in control, I will give you control elsewhere.
2
SPEAKER_01
 So I will give you control in picking where you want to meet.
2
SPEAKER_01
I will give you control in what time.
2
SPEAKER_01
I will give you control in where you want to sit.
2
SPEAKER_01
Little things like that you can do where that person has autonomy to choose.
2
SPEAKER_01
We can do it here.
2
SPEAKER_01
We can talk about this or we can talk about this.
2
SPEAKER_01
Which would you prefer?
2
SPEAKER_01
 That's, nobody likes to feel like they don't have control, so a way that you can deal with a resistant person is by giving them some level of control.
2
SPEAKER_00
When you're going on a first date, how is, and you've been maybe in an abusive relationship in the past where you were a doormat.
2
SPEAKER_00
You were walked on, you had no control, no authority, the person that you were in a relationship with walked over your boundaries, took advantage of you, all that.
2
SPEAKER_00
 And you've had time to heal and now you're getting back out there.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
How can that person create a great dating experience in that first date to put themselves more in the driver's seat with some authority and not a doormat mentality?
2
SPEAKER_01
All right.
2
SPEAKER_01
So there's two things.
2
SPEAKER_01
I think the first thing is don't take out on that person what was done to you by somebody else.
2
SPEAKER_00
That's the worst.
2
SPEAKER_01
 They're just, you know, because we've all been victims of things to some degree, right?
2
SPEAKER_01
And let's say even if it was abuse, if it was horrible, it was that, it is also not fair to take that out on an innocent person, like to take your trauma out to someone else.
2
SPEAKER_01
And sometimes we can feel trauma elsewhere and then project it onto someone else who didn't cause that to us.
2
SPEAKER_01
So I would say that's the most important thing because it will allow you
2
SPEAKER_01
 to connect.
2
SPEAKER_01
The other thing I will say is the majority of people tend to trust.
2
SPEAKER_01
When we have relationships with people, we tend to go and trust people.
2
SPEAKER_01
So when someone says something to you, you tend to believe it.
2
SPEAKER_01
The average person.
2
SPEAKER_02
Why is that?
2
SPEAKER_01
We're just engineered that way.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I don't even know why that is, but we tend to sway towards trusting the person in law enforcement, actually.
2
SPEAKER_01
 It's the opposite.
2
SPEAKER_01
Law enforcement officials are notorious for thinking people are deceitful.
2
SPEAKER_01
So the average person believes people are honest.
2
SPEAKER_01
Law enforcement believes people are deceitful because they deal with more people who lie, but that causes a problem elsewhere because when you do have innocent people,
2
SPEAKER_00
 We're telling the truth.
2
SPEAKER_01
They're telling you the truth, and then you get false confessions.
2
SPEAKER_01
You get problems.
2
SPEAKER_01
You're looking at the wrong person, because you're confirmation biased.
2
SPEAKER_01
That's a whole other animal over there.
2
SPEAKER_01
But knowing that we tend to give people, we tend to believe people automatically, just hold a little bit of that back.
2
SPEAKER_00
Don't- Believe less?
2
SPEAKER_01
Just be more reserved in how much you trust.
2
SPEAKER_00
Discerning about it, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yes, just don't put it all out on the table.
2
SPEAKER_01
 Oh my God, this guy's great or gal's great.
2
SPEAKER_01
I just connected with them.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then what we do, we go nose in.
2
SPEAKER_01
And so you don't want to give unconditional trust.
2
SPEAKER_01
So unconditional trust is like I give you now trust across the board.
2
SPEAKER_01
I trust you in everything.
2
SPEAKER_01
When you start dating someone or any new relationship, even in business, always conditional trust.
2
SPEAKER_01
I'm not going to trust you all the way.
2
SPEAKER_01
I'm going to trust you part of the way.
2
SPEAKER_01
 So now here's the thing.
2
SPEAKER_01
We love to trust unconditionally, which is probably why we tend to just want to give people trust.
2
SPEAKER_01
It's less work.
2
SPEAKER_01
I could just turn my brain off.
2
SPEAKER_01
I can trust you, Louis.
2
SPEAKER_01
Louis, ask me anything you want, because you asked me in the beginning, is there anything off the table?
2
SPEAKER_01
I'm like, no, Louis, go ahead and ask.
2
SPEAKER_01
But you give that person unconditional trust, and I don't have to think so hard.
2
SPEAKER_01
I don't have to worry if you're going to manipulate me.
2
SPEAKER_01
I don't have to be on my guard.
2
SPEAKER_01
It's easy.
2
SPEAKER_01
 It's easier that relationship.
2
SPEAKER_01
Conditional trust means I have to be a bit more careful.
2
SPEAKER_01
So it's like me going to buy a car.
2
SPEAKER_01
I know I'm dealing with a car salesman.
2
SPEAKER_01
I know I should be careful.
2
SPEAKER_01
It's just understood that they try to get you to buy certain things.
2
SPEAKER_01
They use certain language.
2
SPEAKER_01
So when I go in, I go in with conditional trust.
2
SPEAKER_01
And so I'm better protected.
2
SPEAKER_01
 That's why there you're less likely to get hurt in those situations where you understand, I can't fully give everything to this person.
2
SPEAKER_01
I can't fully trust them conditionally.
2
SPEAKER_01
I can, so I, excuse me, unconditionally, so I have to just be careful.
2
SPEAKER_01
The thing is, that's work.
2
SPEAKER_01
It's a lot of work.
2
SPEAKER_01
We get tired.
2
SPEAKER_01
We access a specific part of the brain when we do that, a more complex part of the brain.
2
SPEAKER_01
 so that's why unconditional trust you don't want to give it right away and that is why when we get betrayed by people close to us that's why it hurts the most yeah it's usually by people who betrayed us on who we give unconditional trust to yeah that's my advice for dating that's when it stings would you use the same approach if
2
SPEAKER_00
 Let's say you're, you know, I haven't been on a first date in forever, but let's say you're on a date, your first date with someone.
2
SPEAKER_00
Would you say, hey, why don't you have some water?
2
SPEAKER_00
Why don't you use the restroom first?
2
SPEAKER_00
Where would you like to sit?
2
SPEAKER_00
Would you do the same approach there?
2
SPEAKER_01
No, I would not because I don't want to establish authority there.
2
SPEAKER_01
That's not, if you're looking to have a relationship, I would not do that.
2
SPEAKER_01
That's not, that's, that's creepy.
2
SPEAKER_01
That's a controlling unhealthy relationship.
2
SPEAKER_00
What should you establish, trust?
2
SPEAKER_01
 I think rapport and trust, and I think probably the best thing you can do is just not talk about yourself and listen to that other person.
2
SPEAKER_01
Just ask about them.
2
SPEAKER_01
You did that to me when I walked in.
2
SPEAKER_01
It was like, Evie, boom, boom, boom, boom.
2
SPEAKER_01
I was like, ah.
2
SPEAKER_00
What would be the three most fascinating questions someone could ask on a first date that would not be interrogational but be...
2
SPEAKER_00
 connecting questions.
2
SPEAKER_01
Ted, tell me, tell me about yourself.
2
SPEAKER_01
Explain to me what your dreams are.
2
SPEAKER_01
Describe to me what your, you know, what your hopes are.
2
SPEAKER_01
Don't, don't create a question because you may ask a question that you think is fascinating and they're going to look at you like that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
2
SPEAKER_01
You don't, right?
2
SPEAKER_01
Because we, you don't know what they think like, what they, what their, what their aspirations are, what their.
2
SPEAKER_00
We're on a hypothetical first date.
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SPEAKER_00
What would you say to me?
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SPEAKER_00
Using the Ted.
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SPEAKER_01
Tell me about your podcast.
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SPEAKER_01
I'd love to hear all about it.
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SPEAKER_00
Oh, okay.
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SPEAKER_01
 Explain to me how you got into that.
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SPEAKER_01
Describe to me what it's like when you interview all these different people.
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SPEAKER_01
I'm going to shut up and I'm going to let you go, Louis.
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SPEAKER_01
 Because now I get to hear you, I get to see what you're like, your values, your beliefs, what excites you, what doesn't excite you.
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SPEAKER_01
You're gonna tell me about why you started it, you're gonna tell me about your background, what got you into it, any growing pains or heartaches or how this happened.
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SPEAKER_01
You're gonna tell me about your favorite guests.
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SPEAKER_01
You're not favorite guests, you're gonna tell me about the amazing things you learned or maybe some of the things that you were like, I can't believe I brought this guest on.
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SPEAKER_01
And so now you just opened up this world and I had to do no work and I can just listen.
2
SPEAKER_00
 These are more indirect questions, is that right?
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SPEAKER_01
Or open-ended questions.
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SPEAKER_00
So don't ask a direct question.
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SPEAKER_00
Who is your favorite guest?
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SPEAKER_00
 Don't say that.
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SPEAKER_01
I would tell me about, tell me about your guests.
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SPEAKER_01
And then I would allow you to naturally tell me on your own because you feel like you're in control.
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SPEAKER_01
And it's more likely that you will tell me on your own.
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SPEAKER_01
But if I ask you directly, and if you want to protect the integrity of the people you interview, because you don't want to say, this is my favorite guest to make it public, because then it's going to hurt the people that come on the show, right?
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SPEAKER_01
Your clientele, so to speak, your guests.
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SPEAKER_01
 So I would, you're not going to answer it.
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SPEAKER_01
You're going to be reluctant.
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SPEAKER_01
Oh, Evy, I love everybody.
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SPEAKER_00
It's like my kids.
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SPEAKER_00
You know, you can't say your favorite kid.
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SPEAKER_00
It's all your kids.
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SPEAKER_01
 You're going to say that.
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SPEAKER_01
It's like when people ask me, who's your favorite president?
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SPEAKER_01
I always say, I love them all.
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SPEAKER_01
I love protecting all of them.
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SPEAKER_01
But if somebody says, tell me about the people you protected, or tell me about the presidents you protected.
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SPEAKER_01
Now, I feel comfortable.
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SPEAKER_01
I'm in control.
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SPEAKER_01
I'm talking.
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SPEAKER_01
The more we talk, the more we leak.
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SPEAKER_01
I'm less guarded.
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SPEAKER_01
It's less direct.
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SPEAKER_01
I don't even know you're trying to find that.
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SPEAKER_01
And I may naturally on my own get there.
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SPEAKER_00
 Tell me about a characteristic of a president that wowed you the most.
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SPEAKER_00
You like that opener?
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SPEAKER_00
You like that opener?
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SPEAKER_01
Oh, you used Ted on me.
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SPEAKER_00
A characteristic from one of the presidents that you were just like, obviously they were all inspiring in some way, I'm assuming, for you, but tell me about a characteristic or a belief, a mindset, an approach, a strategy that one of them used that wowed you.
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SPEAKER_01
I liked
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SPEAKER_01
 There's a couple, there's like little things.
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SPEAKER_01
I'll tell you, President, former President George Bush Senior, he used to write note cards to everybody.
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SPEAKER_01
He had a little, he wrote note cards, thank you so much.
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SPEAKER_01
He would just send little note cards to people and
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SPEAKER_01
 I saw what an impact that made to people to receive a handwritten note, he hand wrote it, from someone saying, thank you, I appreciate you.
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SPEAKER_01
And to this day, I do that.
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SPEAKER_01
And I took that from President George Bush, because I saw that and I was like, what a wonderful thing.
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SPEAKER_01
And I saw how much of an impact that did.
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SPEAKER_01
It was a very little thing, but I took that from him.
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SPEAKER_01
 So whenever I meet someone or there's an exchange or something, I will write a handwritten note card.
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SPEAKER_01
Thank you for your time.
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SPEAKER_01
I appreciate it.
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SPEAKER_01
And it does a lot.
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SPEAKER_00
Did he write you a card?
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SPEAKER_01
He did not write me a card.
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SPEAKER_01
He wasn't my full-time protectee, but I watched.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, you watched him actually write it for other people?
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
Or you saw other people get it?
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SPEAKER_00
Both.
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SPEAKER_01
You would see them when they would work, and you would know what they did or didn't do.
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SPEAKER_01
But that's what he did.
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SPEAKER_01
And another characteristic, I think,
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SPEAKER_01
 I liked President Obama, I liked the way he spoke.
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SPEAKER_01
And for me that was very, I appreciated that because I
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SPEAKER_01
 Although I was an agent and an interviewer, I didn't know how to speak for myself.
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SPEAKER_01
It's weird, right?
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SPEAKER_01
I could speak on behalf of the government and the law and all that, but I never paid attention to the way I spoke to people.
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SPEAKER_01
And what I loved, you could hear him, you could hear him.
2
SPEAKER_01
Usually you call Renegade, I could say it, it's public, it's in his book, Renegade on the move, right?
2
SPEAKER_01
You could hear the agent say that, but you could hear him.
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SPEAKER_01
 You could hear him, you could, I love the way he echoed his voice and projected his voice and didn't hold it back.
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SPEAKER_01
And how he took his time to speak.
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SPEAKER_01
Where a lot of people speak very fast because we feel that we're not worthy of somebody's time.
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SPEAKER_01
I don't want to take up too much of your time, so I'm going to speak fast.
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SPEAKER_01
 We do that, we feel like, let me just hurry up and say this, this person's probably busy, they have things to do.
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SPEAKER_01
And then he really projected his voice.
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SPEAKER_01
Like it boomed through the hallways.
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SPEAKER_01
And that was a person who was not shy of being present, of taking a space and letting you know, I'm here and my voice is relevant.
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SPEAKER_01
I like that.
2
SPEAKER_00
That's powerful.
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SPEAKER_01
Yes.
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SPEAKER_00
Any other characteristics from anyone else?
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SPEAKER_01
 There are so many.
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SPEAKER_00
The ones that wowed you?
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SPEAKER_01
They all did.
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SPEAKER_01
They were all great.
2
SPEAKER_01
George Washington.
2
SPEAKER_01
George Washington, oh my God.
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SPEAKER_00
How old are you?
2
SPEAKER_01
GW, President George Bush.
2
SPEAKER_01
I love going to the ranch with him.
2
SPEAKER_01
 I'm from New York City, I go to Texas.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I was just like, what the, you know, it was like, we were out in the wild.
2
SPEAKER_01
He's like, we're going, we're gonna make trails.
2
SPEAKER_01
I was like, why are we gonna make trails?
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SPEAKER_01
There's a road right there.
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SPEAKER_01
You know, we'd cut trails and hike.
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SPEAKER_01
And he was very authentic.
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SPEAKER_01
Who he was on camera was who he was off camera and vice versa.
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SPEAKER_01
He was very just real.
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SPEAKER_01
And so you'd see these qualities with different people and
2
SPEAKER_01
 You know, it's kind of interesting, I just thought of it.
2
SPEAKER_01
I was almost like in my own school of greatness by being in the White House and then over all the years of about, you're around all these people, these influential leaders, despite, forget politics, it still takes a person of some... To get there.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yes, to get there.
2
SPEAKER_01
And so you watch them, and then not just them, they've got cabinet members, other individuals who,
2
SPEAKER_01
 you watch and you listen to, you see how they problem solve.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I was in my own school of greatness where I just got to be front row and you're doing your job at the same time you're like, you're listening, you're watching, you're absorbing.
2
SPEAKER_01
I loved it.
2
SPEAKER_00
 Were there any strategies you witnessed or watched or observed from them telling you or not telling you on how they commanded respect and authority in just their way of being, tonality, was it touching people, you know, in their hand, is it, you know, whatever it is.
2
SPEAKER_00
Eye contact, what were the things that they did or that some of them did that really stood out to you?
2
SPEAKER_01
 So I'll tell you this, they didn't have to work as hard.
2
SPEAKER_00
Because they're already the authority.
2
SPEAKER_01
Because they're already the authority.
2
SPEAKER_01
So I want to say that.
2
SPEAKER_01
The president can look at you and be like, hey, how you doing?
2
SPEAKER_01
And then blow you off.
2
SPEAKER_01
And you're like, oh my god, I got a whole solid second.
2
SPEAKER_01
Whereas when they're talking to me or you, it's just like, can we give me a second?
2
SPEAKER_01
So they don't have to work as hard.
2
SPEAKER_01
So even the little attention they give you lands on you.
2
SPEAKER_01
However, though, eye contact is huge.
2
SPEAKER_01
 When you talk to someone and you want to convey, hey, trust me, and rapport, this is huge.
2
SPEAKER_01
In fact, if you go to the supermarket and you look at cereal boxes,
2
SPEAKER_01
 They have the characters on the cereal boxes.
2
SPEAKER_00
They're looking at you.
2
SPEAKER_01
You know where a lot of them look down?
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SPEAKER_01
They're looking down.
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SPEAKER_01
You know who they're looking down?
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SPEAKER_01
You'll see cereal boxes where the character looks down.
2
SPEAKER_00
At the cereal.
2
SPEAKER_01
No.
2
SPEAKER_01
I'm a cereal box, right?
2
SPEAKER_01
I'm the Trix rabbit or whatever, right?
2
SPEAKER_01
Now, you go shopping.
2
SPEAKER_01
I'm not looking at you.
2
SPEAKER_01
I'm looking down.
2
SPEAKER_01
Why am I looking down?
2
SPEAKER_00
 The rabbit's looking down.
2
SPEAKER_01
Right, the rabbit's looking down.
2
SPEAKER_01
At the kids.
2
SPEAKER_01
Thank you.
2
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
2
SPEAKER_01
Because the kid's the consumer.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, not the adult.
2
SPEAKER_00
No, the kid's going to say, mom, come grab me.
2
SPEAKER_01
Mom, buy that for me.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh my gosh.
2
SPEAKER_01
So they design them to actually look down.
2
SPEAKER_01
And they also put them at a certain level.
2
SPEAKER_01
And so maybe an adult serial, they'll have the person looking at higher up because they're looking at the adult.
2
SPEAKER_01
Eye contact is huge.
2
SPEAKER_01
It conveys, trust me.
2
SPEAKER_01
 Talk to me.
2
SPEAKER_01
I'm here.
2
SPEAKER_01
I'm connected with you.
2
SPEAKER_01
Even when you want to listen to people.
2
SPEAKER_01
Normally we do break eye contact, but good communicators will lock in.
2
SPEAKER_01
They're not uncomfortable.
2
SPEAKER_01
They're there.
2
SPEAKER_01
I'm with you.
2
SPEAKER_01
I'm connected with you.
2
SPEAKER_01
That is huge.
2
SPEAKER_01
But you touched on literally touching people.
2
SPEAKER_01
 and you would see a tactic.
2
SPEAKER_01
I don't want to say a tactic, but no, it's a tactic.
2
SPEAKER_00
It's a strategy.
2
SPEAKER_01
It's a strategy.
2
SPEAKER_01
It's, you know, hey, you know, Lewis, and, you know, and maybe I like to touch your forearm.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
You can do that.
2
SPEAKER_01
But I will say today.
2
SPEAKER_02
You can't do that.
2
SPEAKER_01
Today is very different.
2
SPEAKER_01
You know, they would teach us that.
2
SPEAKER_01
They're like, hey, you can touch the top of a person's knee and just be like, hey, and I could be like, whoa, I don't want to touch.
2
SPEAKER_01
So now,
2
SPEAKER_01
 I would actually go against that.
2
SPEAKER_01
I would actually encourage people not to do that just simply because you don't know how it's going to be received and now today it's you got to be a little bit less is more with that.
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean shaking your hand maybe that's it.
2
SPEAKER_00
 I think secondhand on the top like a genuine heartfelt for two seconds and then let it go Yeah, I think so.
2
SPEAKER_01
I think so.
2
SPEAKER_01
You want to respect people space.
2
SPEAKER_01
It's a little bit different I think we have more well, we do have more social space now It's interesting how that's gonna change the dynamics of how we interact in the future.
2
SPEAKER_00
Interesting.
2
SPEAKER_00
How do you build that trust without being?
2
SPEAKER_00
present and more connected and touching and and
2
SPEAKER_01
 Right.
2
SPEAKER_01
And you have a mask.
2
SPEAKER_01
You can't even see the lower portion of a person's face, which conceals their expressions, their gestures.
2
SPEAKER_01
So it's even harder to read them.
2
SPEAKER_00
Thank you so much for listening.
2
SPEAKER_00
I hope you enjoyed today's episode and inspired you on your journey towards greatness.
2
SPEAKER_00
Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's show with all the important links.
2
SPEAKER_00
And also make sure to share this with a friend and subscribe over on Apple podcasts as well.
2
SPEAKER_00
 I really love hearing feedback from you guys, so share a review over on Apple and let me know what part of this episode resonated with you the most.
2
SPEAKER_00
And if no one's told you lately, I want to remind you that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter.
2
SPEAKER_00
And now it's time to go out there and do something great.