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 Bring a little optimism into your life with The Bright Side, a new kind of daily podcast from Hello Sunshine, hosted by me, Danielle Robay.
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And me, Simone Boyce.
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Every weekday, we're bringing you conversations about culture, the latest trends, inspiration, and so much more.
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I am so excited about this podcast, The Bright Side.
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You guys are giving people a chance to shine a light on their lives, shine a light on a little advice that they want to share.
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 Listen to The Bright Side on America's number one podcast network, iHeart.
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Open your free iHeart app and search The Bright Side.
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 Discover a new educational and interactive podcast, Stories for Kids by Lingokids.
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Our episodes are packed with fun activities.
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Right, Elliot?
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Oh, yes.
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We went shape hunting around the block, and we found spheres and cubes on the street.
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That was great fun.
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Join Stories for Kids, the Lingokids podcast, inspiring you to learn while having fun.
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Listen to Stories for Kids on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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SPEAKER_05
 Guess what, Will?
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What's up, Mango?
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I've been trying to write a promo for our podcast, Part-Time Genius, but even though we've done over 250 episodes, we don't really talk about murders or cults.
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I mean, we did just cover the Illuminati of cheese, so I feel like that makes us pretty edgy.
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We also solve mysteries like how Chinese is your Chinese food and how do dollar stores make money?
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And then, of course, can you game a dog show?
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So what you're saying is everyone should be listening.
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Listen to Part-Time Genius on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.
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 When you meet someone who's arrogant or overcompensating, as I was saying, often it's because they're feeling an insecurity.
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So when you sense some arrogance from someone, you can actually, if you really pay attention, you'll notice that they're actually dealing with a deep insecurity.
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And what that changes is that you now realize that it's not that that person is overconfident or that they think that much of themselves, it's actually that they probably don't think enough of themselves.
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 Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world.
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Thanks to each and every single one of you that come back every week to listen, learn, and grow.
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Now, today we're talking about insecurities.
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We all have them.
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We all experience them.
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 And whether you're someone that considers yourself to be confident or has most of your life together, I'm still sure that you have moments in your days, your weeks, your months, your years where you feel insecure.
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Think about it for a moment.
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When was the last time you felt insecure?
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Was it this week at a dinner table over a conversation?
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 Maybe it was about a subject that you don't know so much about and you felt that everyone around you was highly educated or had an interesting opinion about it.
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You didn't even know what they're talking about.
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 Or did you feel insecure on a work Zoom call because someone had lots of great questions, lots of great ideas.
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Maybe they came up with something that was rewarded or talked of highly by your colleagues and peers, but maybe people didn't love your idea.
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Or you didn't even feel that you had something to offer.
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 Or maybe you felt insecure in your partnership.
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Maybe you weren't feeling the attention from your partner.
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Maybe you were feeling a sense of discomfort and they didn't notice or they didn't recognize it.
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The incredible thing about insecurities are they show up in so many different places.
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 They show up personally, professionally, with our partners, with our parents.
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They show up in each and every area of our life.
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And the interesting thing about insecurities is that if you do nothing about them,
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 they continue to grow.
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They continue to get worse.
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If you ignore them and just hope that they're going to go away one day, unfortunately, they don't.
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Now, I was reading an article on Vogue that I found to be really, really fascinating.
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And they were talking about how the survey that they did found that approximately 99% of people
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 could remember the first time they experienced an insecurity and where they were when it happened.
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And the average age that respondents could recall first developing insecurity was 16.
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 And the findings show that men were 35% more likely than women to have first been insecure about their personalities or abilities, while women were 16.8% more likely to have first developed insecurities about their bodies.
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And I know you can relate to that.
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I know we can all relate to that.
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 Now, the study and the article went on to say that about 59% of people who responded that they deal with body image issues said that insecurities were initially brought on by other people's comments.
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However, in contrast, most people who struggle with feeling insecure about their personalities, abilities, or aspects of their personal life responded that those negative thoughts have largely been self-imposed.
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Notice how fascinating that is.
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 that if it's about your body, it's based on other people's comments.
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And those comments may not even have been directly to you.
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Sometimes they are.
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I saw this great video on TikTok I came across the other day.
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And I was scrolling through my For You page, and I found this guy, but he was talking about how he posted a video a couple of days before
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 And it was a video, I believe, at the No Time to Die 007 premiere.
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And it was one of those cameras that kind of goes around the base, right?
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It does this 360 thing and you stand in the middle.
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So he'd posted that.
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And he said that that post got over 10,000 negative comments.
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10,000 negative comments.
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And they were all directly towards him.
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 and they were all making jokes about his body.
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And so he was reading out some of the comments, and I'm trying to remember what some of them said, but some of them were called, yeah, this wasn't Casino Royale, it's Chicken Royale, the man with the golden gut.
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There were just so many examples of negative comments.
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And he said something, he said that he could take them as lighthearted banter and fun.
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 But he said, there are people out there who will be thinking about this until they go to sleep.
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And he said, please, everyone who's leaving these comments, please, please, please take a moment to realize there's a human on the other side of the screen.
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And we can see that through this study.
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 that so many of our body image issues, 60% nearly, say it comes from other people's comments.
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So that's when the comments are directly at you, but often it comes from comments about weight, about physical image, that are just said in your vicinity.
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And so what does this teach us?
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What are we learning here?
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When we have an insecurity about our body image,
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 we're learning is that what we hear, what we read, what we see is going to inform what we think we should be.
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What we hear, what we read, what we see is going to inform who we think we should be.
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So if we're only reading gossip magazines,
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 If we're only seeing what the mainstream media wants us to see, if we're only hearing and reading that, we're going to feel pressure to be that.
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This is groupthink bias because you're surrounded by a group that thinks or feels a certain way and therefore you adopt the same behaviors and mindsets.
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 So if you've been struggling with your body image for a long time, I want you to think about what are you reading, what are you hearing, and what are you seeing the most?
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And how could you now this week read, hear, and see different things?
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 I want you to expose yourself to campaigns that have a positive body image.
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I want you to follow people on social media that you believe are impactful towards you and your beliefs on body image.
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See, we can't always change from the inside out if we don't start from the outside in sometimes.
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It can be either or.
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 But if you're someone who's struggled for a while, we need to start changing your environment.
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And I want you to deeply think about this because body image is something that we all struggle with.
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 And it's something that we're constantly identifying with as ourselves.
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Now, in the Bhagavad Gita, which is the book that I talk about, the first lesson in the Bhagavad Gita is, you are the soul, not the body.
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And C.S.
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Lewis interprets that best, in my opinion.
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He said, you don't have a soul, you are the soul, and you have a body.
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 And it's amazing that something we have has become what we use to define how we feel about ourselves.
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It's like saying, I let my clothes define who I am.
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Because your body is just simply something you're wearing on top of your consciousness, and you're letting that which is simply material and physical define how you feel about yourself.
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 Imagine you let your clothes define how you feel about yourself.
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It's incredible to think that, but we're doing that with our body, which is a garment, which is a set of clothes.
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 Now that doesn't mean we shouldn't take care of our clothes.
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It doesn't mean we shouldn't take care of our body.
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But we also have to realize that we are not our bodies.
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So when it comes to body images, again, it's coming through other people's thoughts, other people's comments.
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Let's really reflect on that.
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But it then says that our negative thoughts about our personality or abilities usually comes from our own mind.
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 So now it's not even about everyone else out there.
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Now it's not even about the opinions, the expectations, the reflections, the projections.
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It's about us.
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That voice in your head, that inner critic that says, you didn't come up with a good idea.
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You don't know what you're doing.
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You're not good enough.
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You're not smart enough.
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What do we do about that voice?
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What we have to do with that voice is we have to communicate with it.
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 If you try to ignore that voice, it will get louder and louder and louder like an alarm.
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Because what that voice is doing is showing you something that you may want to improve.
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It's a signal and an alert.
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So if I'm at a conference,
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 and I'm about to speak.
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I've been invited there to give a keynote, to do a Q&A, to do a fireside chat, and I'm listening to the speaker before me.
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And let's say the speaker is speaking about something I know nothing about.
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My insecurity signal goes up, and I think, oh, maybe I need to know about this.
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I know nothing about this.
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And in that moment, the alarm is so loud that you can't make a clear decision.
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So what I'll do is I'll sit with that later on, and I'll say, well, do I really want to learn about that?
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 This actually happened recently.
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I was at a conference.
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I was hearing someone talk about crypto and NFTs and blockchain.
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And I know a fair bit from my digital background, but I haven't immersed myself in it.
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And I walked away thinking, that's what I need to know.
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And then I started spending more time on it.
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And I realized that as much as I find it interesting and I want to be involved in the space, it's not something I want to obsess over.
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 And so the first point is you're opened up to the signal.
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You then want to make time for yourself to reflect, consider, and really what I would say is assess your desire to be involved.
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And then you get to make a decision.
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Don't make a decision before it's moved on from being a distraction.
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What we do is we make the distraction our decision.
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 but you can wait a bit longer and decipher whether it truly is something that you want to care about.
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 So this article is brilliant, by the way, that I'm sharing some of the studies from.
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It says that the good news is that developing insecurities when you're young doesn't mean they'll stay with you forever.
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In fact, the survey found that over 50% of women and over 59% of men surveyed now feel that they've fully come to love and accept themselves.
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And so dealing with insecurities, the study shows, gets better with age.
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 And it talks about how actively working on loving things about yourself one step at a time may help to find self acceptance.
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And this is something that really blows me away.
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It's the definition of confidence.
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I checked this a few years back and it really stuck with me.
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So confidence is a feeling of self assurance
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 arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities.
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Notice how confidence doesn't come from other people valuing you, validating you.
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It comes from you valuing and validating yourself.
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So let me ask you that question now.
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When was the last time you did that?
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 When was the last time you sat down, and I want you right now to, on a piece of paper, and I'm going to do this while I'm talking to you because I believe it's so important.
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I want you to grab a pen and piece of paper.
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I'm sitting at my friend's desk, so I'm about to do this on his.
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But I'm about to just put a line down the middle of the page, and I want you to write on one side abilities,
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 And on the other side, I want you to write down qualities.
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And I want you to make a list of your abilities that you value and your qualities that you value.
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So one of my abilities that I value is my ability to communicate effectively.
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 I believe that I'm able to understand, synthesize, make things really simple, accessible, practical, actionable.
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And by the way, it's hard for me to say that because I start thinking about it and I say, oh wow, am I being egotistic?
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Am I, am I being arrogant?
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Are people going to judge me?
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But I'm not saying it from a place of arrogance.
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I'm trying to just live up to this definition that is given of confidence.
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I want to be confident.
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I don't want to be arrogant.
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I don't want to be narcissistic.
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 When you find that bright spot to help you get through your day, it's powerful.
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That's where The Bright Side comes in.
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A new daily podcast from Hello Sunshine that's bringing you a daily dose of joy.
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I'm Danielle Robay.
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And I'm Simone Boyce.
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Listen, both Danielle and I are reporters.
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We've covered the news and we know the world can feel heavy, but The Bright Side podcast is a space to have a little fun, to learn something new and get into some friendly debates.
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 That's right, join us five days a week to see how life can look from the bright side.
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We'll hear from celebrities, authors, experts, and listeners like you.
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Whether it's relationships, friend advice, or figuring out how to navigate life's transitions, we'll talk through it all together.
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Listen to The Bright Side from Hello Sunshine every weekday on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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 A new season of Bridgerton is here.
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And with it, a new season of Bridgerton, the official podcast.
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I'm your host, Gabrielle Collins.
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And this season, we are bringing fans even deeper into the ton.
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Colin Bridgerton has returned from his travels abroad.
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Is Betrothal written in the stars for the eligible bachelor?
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 Meanwhile, the ton is reverberating with speculation of who holds Lady Whistledown's pen.
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We're discussing it all.
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I sit down with Nicola Coughlin, Luke Newton, Shonda Rhimes, and more to offer an exclusive peek behind the scenes of each episode of the new season.
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Watch season three of the Shondaland series on Netflix.
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Then,
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 Fall in love all over again by listening to Bridgerton The Official Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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Subscribe to catch a new episode every Thursday.
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Guess what, Bango?
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What's up, Will?
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So iHeart is giving us a whole minute to promote our podcast, Part-Time Genius.
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 I know, that's why I spent my whole week composing a haiku for the occasion.
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It's about my emotional journey in podcasting over the last seven years, and it's called Earthquake House.
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Mango, I'm going to cut you off right there.
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Why don't we just tell people about our show instead?
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Yeah, that's a better idea.
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So every week on Part-Time Genius, we feed our curiosity by answering the world's most important questions.
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Things like, when did America start dialing 911?
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Is William Shatner's best acting work in Esperanto?
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Also, what happened to Esperanto?
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 Plus we cover questions like how Chinese is your Chinese food?
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How do dollar stores stay in business?
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And of course, is there an Illuminati of cheese?
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There absolutely is.
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And we are risking our lives by talking about it.
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But if you love mind-blowing facts, incredible history, and really bad jokes, make your brains happy and tune in to Part-Time Genius.
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Listen to Part-Time Genius on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.
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 Confidence is a feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities.
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Now let me think of a quality.
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I believe that I'm a loyal person.
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I really believe I'm a loyal person.
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I stick by people.
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I know you're loyal listeners, and I appreciate you for that.
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Loyalty is a very important quality to me.
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So I want you to make a list of the abilities and qualities
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 that you have.
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And I want you to appreciate yourself for a second.
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Now, you may not love yourself when you say these, but I promise you that the more you notice this, the more you'll learn to love yourself.
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You're practicing it.
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See, first we have to be aware of who we are.
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Then we have to practice that.
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So now that you're aware of these, you're going to be them more.
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You're going to be more loyal.
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I'm going to be more communicative.
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 And what that leads to is love.
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Because now I've made myself aware, then I practice it, then I love.
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Love starts with awareness and then practice.
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When you write down what you're aware of that you love about yourself, then you practice it more, you become it more, you love yourself more.
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It's a beautiful methodology.
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So first you have to become aware.
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Now on this list, I want you to choose one quality every single day, one quality for a week,
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 to share.
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So let's say my quality, as I said, was loyalty.
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I can think about loyalty and I can say, how can I experience loyalty?
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How can I share loyalty with this person?
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How can my loyalty help them?
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Or another quality that I may say that I have is my ability to listen.
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Oh, that's an ability.
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There we go.
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I said my ability to listen.
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 So if you have the ability to listen, let me now be more of that.
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And I love more of myself for listening.
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This is how we also detach from our body.
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When we realize that we have qualities and abilities beyond our body to offer to others, to offer to ourselves.
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See, we've been brought up to believe that the only thing we have to offer to someone is our body and our appearance.
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And when you feel that way, you question yourself at every step.
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But when you really dive into what are my abilities and qualities that I can offer to others, beautiful things can happen.
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 One key finding from the survey shows that 62% of people who felt positively about their personalities and abilities above their bodies or other aspects of their life felt best about themselves.
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The study proves that.
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How fascinating is that?
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No matter how you feel about your body, if you really value your qualities and your abilities, that will supersede how you feel about your body.
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Again, that doesn't mean you neglect your body.
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It's just learning to love yourself for who you truly are.
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 Now, this is really, really interesting to me.
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Approximately 45.9% of survey participants cited caring less about other people's opinions as the reason they've come to accept themselves.
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19.6% of people said their religion or spirituality helped them.
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And 15.7% had help from family or friends.
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And 8.8% of respondents said they got help from a therapist.
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Now, let's just look at that.
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Not thinking about other people's opinions,
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 Spirituality, which has community.
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Family or friends in therapy.
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Write down those right now.
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How strong are those for you?
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Are you seeing a therapist right now or a coach?
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Are you spiritually connected or religiously connected?
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Do you have family or friends around you that deeply understand you?
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Remember, it's not about the number.
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It's not about the amount of people.
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Remember, it's all about the depth, right?
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It's all about the depth.
0
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 So what I really want you to consider here is what are the habits that you practice that you think are signs that you are experiencing insecurity and you want to address them in this way?
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One of the first signs of insecurity which isn't often seen is saying yes to everyone, being a people pleaser.
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 Because what we're saying is that I only feel secure when someone else feels that I am making them secure.
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How amazing is that?
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We're trying to say that our sense of security is based on us feeling like we make someone else feel secure.
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But how can we help someone else feel secure if we don't feel secure within ourselves?
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 Another one is that we always criticize others.
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I find this to be fascinating.
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Sometimes I'll be appreciating someone and I can tell that someone may not even know this person, but they can't bring themselves to appreciate them because they feel that it somehow reflects negatively on them, right?
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So I have a friend who's very ambitious and driven.
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 And a lot of people around him will criticize him because his ambition and drive reminds them of their own lack of it.
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And when you start criticizing someone, start asking yourself, am I criticizing them because I'm insecure?
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And what your mind will do is you will justify in another way.
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You'll say, no, no, no, they're a bad person.
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They've done bad stuff.
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No, no, no, they're the right person.
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But then think about it.
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Sit there and think about it.
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Are you really doing it because you have an insecurity?
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I've done this exercise myself.
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 And I realized that it helped me understand that I was insecure because I wasn't conscious of my own abilities and my qualities.
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And I wasn't practicing them enough.
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Actually, when you let yourself criticize someone else, you become those qualities.
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So now you lose yourself completely because you start to do that.
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Let's say you don't like someone complains.
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Now you complain about them complaining.
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What have you become?
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You become a complainer.
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 Let's say you don't like someone who criticizes.
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Well, you're criticizing them.
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You've now become someone you don't love and like.
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 Let's say you don't like someone because of how they treat their friends.
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Ask yourself, honestly, have you ever done that to someone that you were friends with?
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It's so important to remove insecurities from within ourself by pulling out the root and trying to change ourselves, not forcing it to be changing anyone else.
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So when it comes to your insecurities, please don't avoid them.
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And look out for where they
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 start to grow.
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Another way they start to grow is in our constant seeking of validation, right?
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How many people do you know where they're constantly checking how everyone feels about everything they do, right?
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You're always trying to be like, well, what do you think about this?
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Do you think it's a good idea?
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Yeah, I should do this, right?
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And so when you see yourself falling into that trap, ask yourself, why am I doing this?
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Why am I going through this?
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Why am I checking with myself?
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Why don't I feel confident in myself?
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 And the third way we do it is we do it through overcompensating.
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We overcompensate for how we feel about something.
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So to me, insecurity is something that I've dealt with throughout my whole life.
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And you actually find that a lot of people, their careers, their journeys are compensating for an insecurity they felt.
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 So some people chase success and fame because they felt unwanted when they were younger.
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Some people chase money because they felt unstable when they were younger.
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So our pursuit is based on our insecurity.
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 Now this is something that we really have to think about because if your pursuit is based on your insecurity, when you conquer that pursuit, when you get to the top, you will still feel insecure.
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Think about that for a moment.
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If your pursuit is based on an insecurity, even when you accomplish that pursuit,
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 you will still feel insecure.
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Because the insecurity did not come from a lack of that thing.
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The insecurity came from a lack of you feeling you had that.
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A feeling that you can create that.
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 It wasn't that you didn't have fame or success, it's that you felt rejected or you felt isolated or lonely.
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So you believed that successful fame would fill that, but actually it was a different healing that was required.
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You're almost applying the wrong medicine to the wrong thing.
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When you make money, what that gives you is money, which is great.
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 But it doesn't give you stability, security, a feeling of confidence, because that can only come from that thing.
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It's like saying, I'm flying to New Orleans, but I'm expecting to land in LA.
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It doesn't work like that.
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It's a different ticket, right?
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Developing confidence and becoming successful are different planes.
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 and we're taking one, hoping for the other one to happen.
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So I just really don't know how that ever became the way we live, but as you can see, it's a recipe for a lot of long-term challenges and issues in our lives.
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And I wanted to share this too, that a lot of people, when I first met them,
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 I thought that they were egotistic, or I thought that they were arrogant, or I thought that they were cold, and I realized they were just insecure.
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When you meet someone who's arrogant or overcompensating, as I was saying, or you meet someone who's cold, or you meet someone who kind of feels cocky,
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 often it's because they're feeling an insecurity.
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So when you sense some arrogance from someone, you can actually, if you really pay attention, you'll notice that they're actually dealing with a deep insecurity.
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And what that changes is that you now realize that it's not that that person is overconfident or that they think that much of themselves, it's actually that they probably don't think enough of themselves.
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 right?
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We think that people think too much of themselves.
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Actually, they don't think enough of themselves.
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And that's why they end up in that position.
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So if you have a friend who's dealing with insecurity, you may think telling them that they're amazing, or telling them that they do something really well, will solve that insecurity.
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Now, the reason that doesn't work is because
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 when you give that glorification or those statements to someone, they now think they have to constantly live up to that.
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So that creates another sense of insecurity.
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So let's say they did something well and you said you did that really well, they're now insecure that they won't be able to do it again.
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So actually when you're working with someone who has insecurity or you have a friend or family