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The Joe Rogan Experience.
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I never know what s going on with you if this is like an act or if this is part of the fun of being Chrissy D. I mean, no.
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Well, Chrissy D. was all fun and games.
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Was.
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Was.
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Third person.
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Now we re coming into a part.
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Two major things have happened here.
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Okay.
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One, I ve re-found my love for Christ and I m back believing.
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I m back being Catholic.
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Okay.
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I m back in.
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Nice.
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Got two feet in Catholicism.
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Okay.
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We re back, baby.
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And then the other thing is, is I made, six months ago, I had this beautiful house, Staten Island, right?
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Everything we wanted, sold the house because I was having anxiety about doing a show at Radio City.
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Swear to God, my brain couldn t process it that way, but through therapy,
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Therapist figured out and it s right because I checked on this with my girlfriend and she was like, that s exactly what you did God was very nervous about Radio City didn t know where to put that energy because it s a big show I m a New York guy big biggest weekend of my life.
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I
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So I said, about two weeks before Radio City came on, I said, we re putting up the house for sale.
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I want to be able to walk to a bagel store.
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We can t walk to a bagel store at this house on Staten Island.
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I need that for my creative process.
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And my girl was like, what are you doing?
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We just renovated our kitchen.
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We just, you just poured money into, this is our home.
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I was like, I can t walk to a bagel store and it s going to fuck my comedy up.
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It will.
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And she yeah and and then you know if and then people if you knew my address back Then you would know that there s a bait was a bagel store 0.9 miles away that I didn t know about but But you had a dream house I had a dream house that I that we put to our liking and I said I couldn t didn t understand it then I
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I said, we re selling the house, and I convinced my family, because that s what we can do, right, as comics, I convinced them, I had them buy this story, convinced my girl, my family, what s gonna be better for us is to sell this five-bedroom house, here s the move, we re gonna sell this five-bedroom house for about $300,000 under asking price, we re gonna get out of this puppy, we re gonna sell that, we re gonna move to Queens where we can walk to stuff and bagel stores and be in civilization, we re gonna temporarily live in a two-bedroom apartment,
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and and and then we re eventually going to move into a condo and life s going to be better because You know, we won t have to I won t have to care for these grounds anymore.
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I won t have to throw out the garbage We ll be safe in an apartment people can t come in the back window of our home and this will be the move and I did that
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And then the apartment that we had lined up fell through.
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We left the apartment we were living in, because it had roaches.
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Jasmine almost left me.
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She was almost like, I can t be a part of your chaos and self-sabotage anymore.
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And I had to kind of really just say, what the hell did I just do?
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Figure this problem out.
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Went back into therapy.
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turn back into religion, starting to find some answers, and now we re living in a home that we re renting, that we like, and we re kind of settling in, but that I learned the lesson of self-sabotage the hard way.
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It s weird.
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What s going on in my career right now, selling the most tickets I ve ever had, financially the best I ve ever done, getting all these opportunities, was the worst version of me as a human being.
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Not because I was just self-sabotaging after self-sabotaging, and I couldn t, didn t know why.
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Do you have friends that you could talk to about this stuff?
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Yeah, but they re you know, not they call me gay, you know what I mean?
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Like they re old-school New York guys that are like, I don t fucking know dude get a therapist and I m like, well, yeah, I What I had to do what I I really felt like nobody could really help me with this I was like I got to just turn to professional therapists and then I go into and then I turn to back to going to church and I was like well at least I have like
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If anything, for me, church is just an hour a week to just meditate and sit there, and I have nothing, I have no thoughts, I have no technology.
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I m like, it s just me and whoever I think God is.
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That s how I feel about it.
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But that chaos stuff, you know, because people always, you know, Chrissy Chaos, I was actually living in it, and I was like, okay, now what I ve done, now I ve like hurt my family.
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Now I ve done a thing that s like not funny.
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Now I ve like taken things from my kids because I thought,
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my kids would be like, oh yeah, dad, like my eight-year-old.
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We had that, you know, this moment that kids are just kids.
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I m like, telling them, like, isn t this great, baby?
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Like, we can walk to the bagel store now.
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We can go to the park.
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We re not like living off the side of a highway.
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And she was like, well, I love that we had a pool.
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And I was like, yeah, but isn t it better that we can, you know, don t have a pool now and we can go to like the pool club?
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And she was like, you know, no.
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She was like, honestly, she was like, we did it for you.
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So I m happy that you re happy, but I miss my friends.
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And then I was like, oh my god, what the fuck did I do?
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So so I kind of have been like backtracking as much as I can little by little to try to like Recorrect these mistakes and now my family is more on board now.
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My family s like hey, we re on we re with you We re you you know, we re with you but we got to figure this out.
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So now we re settled finally in a place and
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And we re kind of falling in love with the neighborhood we re living in as time has went on.
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And my kids are finding friends and all that.
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And I m not going to take that from them.
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I m not going to be like, well, wherever we are now, we re going to stay for years so they can build the bonds and the friendships that they need that I inadvertently took away from them without me even realizing.
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Hmm.
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Can I have those edibles?
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So this Anxiety ramped up when success ramped up.
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Yes, so Sound like a therapist here, but are you is it because you re worried?
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It s gonna go away.
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Is that the anxiety?
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Like what is the anxiety?
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No, what is the fear?
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No, it wasn t any of that it was
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It was, I believe, I have confidence.
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I believe that I m in this business.
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I can do it.
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And I believe that like we re all together now, especially how comedy is now.
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I feel like we re all like this big brother sisterhood, like we ll help each other.
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If one of us is falling, like we got each other.
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I believe in that.
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But I think that the actual anxiety of the day of, you know, again, being a New York guy, one night Radio City, the next night the theater at MSG, all these, for me, a lot of tickets, you know, 10,000 plus tickets, which is, you know, that s huge for me.
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I was like, how am I gonna balance all this?
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What if I don t do well?
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What if, what if, what if one of these 10,000 people realizes that I m,
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thinks that I m some kind of fraud, thinks that like, hey, you know... One is going to.
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Right.
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Always.
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Right.
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There s always people that are going to find some negative thing in anything.
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So now, now I ve gotten to that point to accept that I m wildly different.
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Not wildly different, but I m much better now than I was in September when all this stuff was going on, because I ve just kind of accepted that I don t really have control of what others think.
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Maybe you need a thing other than just comedy that you do that s not like career-oriented, like a hobby, like some kind of other interest that you really enjoy that you could focus on.
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So what I did... Trans people, is that what it is?
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Yes, trans feet.
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I m really into wiki feet for specifically trans women.
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And so, no, what I think is...
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Well, what I ve done, because I haven t gotten to the hobby yet, what I ve done is I ve really, I thought I was always focused on my kids, always being a father is everything to me, but I said, what you just said, I said, I m gonna really just focus on being a dad, being home, coming off the road a little bit, just temporarily doing my thing in New York, keeping my podcast going, keeping my name out there, but not going on this national tour, getting away from that.
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for now, I ve shot a special, it s gonna come out at the end of the year, I m like, be home, be with the kids, be picking them up, be at the park with them, focus on, like, give yourself a schedule, I m a comedian from nine to five, or nine to three when you pick up your, and then when you pick up your kids, just for now, you just be with them, and that s really helped.
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And now, like last night I was at your club, which is awesome, I was at your club, and that was the first time I was on stage in about six weeks since I shot the special.
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And I felt so,
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Did some of the same material that I was because I ve been writing but I was like I don t want to try a brand new Thing right here.
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I did one new thing, but I was like, oh wow I felt like that little mental experiment helped me like I was so excited to be on stage again.
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I ve found like Reconnected and you something that you do that.
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I noticed last night and I was like, huh you you know, I
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How much there s real there s really nothing more you can do in comedy, right?
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I mean you ve done everything the biggest you can get is you ve achieved which is beautiful, but I still saw you yesterday Obsessing over your hour and thinking about like how do I make that joke better?
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Which is why you ve gotten here and I ve had that question in my head yesterday got back to the hotel I was like do I have that do I is it?
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Okay that I don t have it like Joe it does that mean I m gonna
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and not be successful?
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Does that mean I, does that kind of, are we all just different?
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Because I love comedy, but I was like, I don t know.
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Like I just shot a special and was like, you know what?
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I need some time off where I don t know that you ve ever done that, right?
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I mean, you ve never taken a big break from standup.
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Well, I took a big break during COVID.
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Right, but other than that, you ve always been like, you have a love and a passion that s, you re not worried about, like you re never looking at your watch being like, is an hour up yet?
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You know, when you re podcasting, you re never being like, oh, I got to get an hour.
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You just flow.
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You re just free in the moment flowing with passion, which is very admirable.
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And I look at that sometimes and I question myself.
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I m like, do I have that?
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I know I ve been relatively successful in this and I do love it.
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But I m like, do I have that?
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I wonder if therapy is not a good thing for a person like you.
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Okay, why do you think?
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Because... I ve never heard that.
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I wonder if, like, obsessing about your problems makes your problems bigger?
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Mm-hmm.
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And that maybe you just need another thing to focus on that maybe alleviates anxiety, like some kind of a, like a hardcore workout thing?
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Okay.
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Do you work out?
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Yes.
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What do you do?
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Uh, well, yesterday, yesterday I did hot yoga.
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That s great.
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Yeah, just because I was like I was on the plane wanted to do the hot yoga drip and sweat That s a crazy and then today today I did I ran two miles and then I did With 30 pound dumbbells.
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I did one burpee and
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One press ten times ramped that up to five.
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So, you know went all the way up to one two three four So it was a lot a lot of burpees with that then I did farmers carries ball slams thing.
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I was dripping in sweat I was trying to do that.
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Sorry does that help you it does I always feel I always feel after a workout Great because I was an athlete.
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I played basketball my entire life to the point where my friends from home
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are like, you never mentioned basketball, and that s the thing you were known as in the neighborhood.
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Everybody knew you as basketball.
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They used to call me Gums, because I have big gums.
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So they would call me Gums, but they would call me Dirk, you know, Little Dirk.
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Like, basketball was my whole life.
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You have big gums?
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See how they re kind of big?
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No, you re doing that.
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I could do that, too.
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No, I know, but when I smile, like, they re just, I have gingivitis.
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Let me see you smile.
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No, they seem pretty fucking normal.
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I think you re thinking too much.
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I really do.
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Yeah.
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I mean, well, no, they used to call me Gums.
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Most people were rude.
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I ve had the same size head and teeth since I m seven, so I ve always looked kind of weird.
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So your head grew into your teeth?
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Yeah.
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I just was born with this big fat head and big teeth.
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So basketball was an obsession.
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Then physical therapy, getting my doctorate degree, was an obsession.
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And then comedy became an obsession.
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And I think I have this thing in my head, where I know I have to stay in the present, but sometimes I can t help it, where I m like, well, is this your obsession ending now?
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And you re going to find another obsession?
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Yeah, it s the thinking about the negative possibilities that are dangerous.
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I think Elon posted this on Twitter, that having anxiety is literally like having a conspiracy theory against yourself.
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Got it.
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That s pretty good.
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Yeah, that s kind of cuz you re like Thinking oh my god.
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What if this all falls apart, right?
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So you re dwelling on that, but it s we it s not falling apart That s the thing is what I don t understand which is weird because yeah, cuz I feel confident I don t feel like I don t feel like help me.
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I feel like I can I can figure anything out right?
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I m a biological male and
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Do you think that maybe the worrying that it s going to fall apart is what keeps you on track?
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Because you re like, I can t let it fall apart.
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You know, I have a family.
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I have a lot of responsibilities.
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I have to keep killing.
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I have to keep doing great.
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Right.
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Yeah.
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It feels specifically.
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Yeah.
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I feel like if I, I do feel like it s all on me with my family.
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Nobody else in my family works and I take care of multiple family members, which I m proud to do.
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I don t feel like that s a burden.
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I feel like this is great.
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This makes me feel, at times when I feel emasculated, that s something that makes me feel masculine.
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You know, when I m like, oh, I don t know how to build anything and I m, you know, I got my girlfriend here putting up sheet rock and I m like, I can build fucking walls emotionally.
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I don t know how to do anything else other than that.
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I was like, at least I can, at least I feel like, you know what?
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I can take care of this family, like you rely on me for that.
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And I guess there is something in comedy, you know, I guess because it s not like a day job, a daily paycheck coming in every two weeks, maybe that seeps in.
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But it s weird because I am very confident, I ve always been confident in anything I do.
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I ve always felt like I, my father would tell me from when I was a little kid,
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You control your part.
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You control the output, not the outcome.
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He said that to me a million times.
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You control your output, not your outcome.
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Just control your output.
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And the outcome is irrelevant.
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It doesn t matter if you win or lose.
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I don t care about that.
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How are you playing?
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And so I feel like I control my output as best I can, but yet then I sit with these thoughts kind of, you know, they eat at me sometimes, you know?
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But, and then maybe it comes out in weird ways where I m like, well, I ll just sell my house or I ll, you know, I have a grid family thing right now, but maybe I ll, you know, maybe I ll fall in love with the actress from baby reindeer.
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I don t know.
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Did you ever talk to anybody before you sold your house?
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I talked to one of your friends.
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I was able to convince all of them that it was the right move.
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And you couldn t have convinced me.
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I wish I got on the phone with you.
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I know.
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I wish you... And I got rid of a great mortgage rate.
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I really fucked up.
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So, but I... But I take... I mean, I had like free money from the bank.
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I really fucked up.
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But I m aware of that.
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And I m kind of saying along these lines, you know, I really fucked up.
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I do believe I ve learned a lesson.
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I do believe that I would never do that again.
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And I do believe it wasn t fatal for us.
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But I was like, I really... Like, I ve never been that guy
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I wouldn t manufacture problems in my brain.
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I would say, oh, you know, this is an issue, but it s minor.
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It s not.
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It s self-obsessed, narcissistic, like disgusting.
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Like, Chris, get over yourself.
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Self-obsessed bullshit.
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Get over yourself.
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And I would do that and then kind of tell myself, like, you re being gross.
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Stop, Chris.
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Like, your family, you have a pain in your big toe.
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It s not brain cancer.
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Shut up.
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and your family needs you.
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And then, so I would do that, but then I actually did give myself a big problem.
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I had two major problems.
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I had this house sale and then I had a family member who really was acting crazy, like crazy, crazy, crazy, where I was like, this is now a nightmare.
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This has become an issue.
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So I m like, now for the first time in the past nine months, I m like, you, one self-induced, one not,
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And you ve created, now how do you deal with this?
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How do you think you created the problem with your family member acting crazy?
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Because I enabled them.
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Specifically, how did you do that?
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Well, because I was giving them, you know, money.
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I was not aware that an issue was going on.
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A drug issue?
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Yes, and I was allowing them, you know, like to do things and say things and I was just like this is fun It s okay.
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It s chaos, baby.
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And then and then not realizing like hey, man, you re affecting Way more you re gonna be the head of this family than be the head of this family They re gonna follow your lead and your lead right now.
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No matter how much you tell yourself.
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I don t do drugs I don t do drink.
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I don t drink too much.
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Um, you know stable you re not buddy like you have to
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put your feet down right now, and your family s, you know, my eight-year-old is, she s old enough now to, somebody will, you know, somebody in her class will be like, oh, your dad s the comic, he s pretty filthy, right?
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So my daughter s now is at an age where she s, you know, I ve never mentioned them, nobody knows what they look like, I m not that, but I m like, oh, there s responsibilities now, there s repercussions for things we re doing now, my kids, they re not little anymore.
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My 13-year-old, I have 13, eight, and two, my two-year-old s obviously a baby, but 13 and eight,
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you re gonna have to now really, really, really get your shit together.
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And I think that was scary because nobody really in my family, no male figures at least, even though my father s a great man, nobody really got their shit together, right?
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I was like, I m the only one who went to college.
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I m the only one who pursued anything.
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I m the only one who s ever even owned a home, you know?
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So even though I sold it immediately.
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So how long did you have it for about two years?
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And I sold it for way under my neighbor who I didn t consult with was like why if you wanted to move Fine, I get it.
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Staten Island s not for everybody even though I love Staten Island, but you ruined the property value He was like, yes He was like what the fuck and he was like you sold it Who the fuck did you sell this to and you sold it for hundreds of thousands of dollars less than it was worth?
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How did you do that?
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Because I just wanted to get out.
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I just wanted to move.
1
SPEAKER_01
So you just accepted the first offer?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_01
I just needed action.
1
SPEAKER_01
My father was a, is a, like, his marriage with my mother got ruined because he was a hardcore gambler.
1
SPEAKER_01
Hardcore, Gamblers Anonymous, like... That s a scary disease.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_01
Gamble, gamble, and my father told me, you know, even before I started doing this, my father was always like, do not gamble, okay?
1
SPEAKER_01
If I ever see you learning card tricks, if I ever see you knowing what,
1
SPEAKER_01
Gambling on sports any of that you re really gonna upset me and like this is the only demand I have of you is do not Gamble, and what I believe has happened is I don t gamble I don t even know what the point spreads and the vigs that I don t know what any of that means because my fun Card games you could put cards in front of me.
1
SPEAKER_01
I have no idea what s happening
2
SPEAKER_00
People talk about, you know, parlay bets.
2
SPEAKER_00
I have no idea what s happening.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t know what... It s a foreign language to me.
2
SPEAKER_00
Because of... I was like, I m gonna do that.
2
SPEAKER_00
But what I ve realized now is, well, of course I m gambling still.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m just not playing card games and betting.
2
SPEAKER_01
Right.
2
SPEAKER_01
You re just taking risks with your life.
2
SPEAKER_00
I might be taking bigger risks with my life than he could, because now I m... You know, he was gambling... Yes, he lost his marriage to my mom, which sucks, but...
2
SPEAKER_00
You know, whatever, he gambled, you know, some guys wanted to kill him because he owed money, got taken care of, and then he went to Gamblers Anonymous, and at least he was like, well, I have this disease, and I don t do it anymore.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I respect my dad for that.
2
SPEAKER_00
He got out of it.
2
SPEAKER_00
But I m like, man, I was going down this path where like, how many more decisions was I going to make?
2
SPEAKER_00
How many more times was I going to gamble?
2
SPEAKER_00
Because I was like, I didn t realize, and this,
2
SPEAKER_00
This last nine months, I was like, wow, dude, you really fucking are looking it in the face now.
2
SPEAKER_00
These decisions, I mean, dude, when your eight-year-old looks at you like, what the fuck did you do?
2
SPEAKER_00
Your mom and dad can tell you shit, even your wife and girlfriend can tell you shit, which I all love and respect, but when your daughter is like, what did you do?
2
SPEAKER_00
Why did you do this to us?
2
SPEAKER_00
You kind of have this major wake-up call where it was like,
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, when I moved here, I was very lucky that my kids wanted to move here.
2
SPEAKER_01
And it was lucky during the time that we moved, there was a real clear reason, because LA was fucked.
2
SPEAKER_01
And they love it here, so I m happy.
2
SPEAKER_01
But if they didn t, I d feel fucking terrible.
2
SPEAKER_01
And if I had sold the house like that, especially if there s a real bagel store... 0.9 miles away.
2
SPEAKER_00
Shout out Manor Bagels on Staten Island, they had excellent bagels.
2
SPEAKER_01
You just didn t know?
2
SPEAKER_01
I didn t know until I sold it.
2
SPEAKER_00
Maybe you can buy it back into the neighborhood.
2
SPEAKER_00
I know, well that s funny.
2
SPEAKER_00
My girl was like, do you think we can contact the people who bought our home?
2
SPEAKER_00
And buy it back?
2
SPEAKER_00
And buy it back, even though it s twice the mortgage rate and you ll have to pay more money, like it would make us happy.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I reached out to him and he was like, no.
2
SPEAKER_00
You can t do it.
2
SPEAKER_00
And it s funny, I sold it to, you know, Staten Island s like a funny, it s, the people in Staten Island are great.
2
SPEAKER_00
They really, really are.
2
SPEAKER_00
But like when we first got there, you know, it s like an old school, if you don t know Staten Island, it s like an old school New York City neighborhood.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s like the only borough that is like, you know, kind of like more Republican than anything.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like they are like freedom, like American flag, you will see American flags everywhere on Staten Island.
2
SPEAKER_00
And Wu-Tang Clan, right?
2
SPEAKER_00
Wu-Tang is on one part, but you know, Staten Island, baby.
2
SPEAKER_00
And so they, you know, they re, like when I moved in, you know, I come in here, it s me, you know, like, you know, I m Italian, whatever, but then my whole family s Puerto Rican.
2
SPEAKER_00
And my neighbors, for like the first two weeks, just because I didn t know, I told my neighbors that my wife was Italian and my girl was Italian, not Puerto Rican.
2
SPEAKER_00
I swear to God, I told him he was Puerto Rican.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then my neighbor, who s a great guy, he s a doctor, he finally came over to me once and he goes, you know we know he s Puerto Rican.
2
SPEAKER_00
He said, Chrissy, it s no issue.
2
SPEAKER_01
Because I thought that that s what I was supposed to do.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then I sold the house.
2
SPEAKER_00
And again, it s not, you know, I sold the house to a Palestinian family, which whatever, right?
2
SPEAKER_00
Who they were, they re very, yes, they have very, they re very nice people, but I sold them.
2
SPEAKER_00
And now, you know, they re proud of their country.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then, you know, I sold them before this whole shit started popping off.
2
SPEAKER_00
So now that same neighbor s like, way to fucking go.
2
SPEAKER_00
And he ll send me pictures.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then it s funny, because they have a flag outside.
2
SPEAKER_00
And now my neighbor got an American flag twice as big as theirs, just fucking stamping that.
2
SPEAKER_00
So now I ve caused a community conflict.
2
SPEAKER_01
Why don t you just offer more money to Palestinians?
2
SPEAKER_01
Maybe they re uncomfortable there.
2
SPEAKER_00
No, well, so actually what has happened is when I contacted them is they have like multiple family members living in there now.
2
SPEAKER_00
So they re like, we can t, this is our house, like we have to stay, like we, they have a baby, they have a whole, so, and I fucked up, but I do feel, I do feel that I m confident we can, we are getting out of it, and I m confident in my abilities.
2
SPEAKER_00
Are you gonna go back to Staten Island?
2
SPEAKER_00
I have been looking at houses on Staten Island, yes.
2
SPEAKER_00
I have and we actually we put an offering on one last week.
2
SPEAKER_00
You re a fun mess.
2
SPEAKER_01
Thank you It s a fun mess because it s not the worst kind of mess Like you know, if you were a gambling addict, that s a scary mess or drugs drugs is a scary.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yes Yeah, those are scary ones because those they slip people slip away and then they find theirself at OTB and yeah fucking betting money They don t have and they just they get that rush.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, when you see people that get that gamblers rush It s just like a drug addict like their eyes gloss over like they just need that fix.
2
SPEAKER_01
They need that bet
2
SPEAKER_01
You ve seen Uncut Gems, right?
2
SPEAKER_01
Sure.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s phenomenal.
2
SPEAKER_00
Does it give you anxiety?
2
Oh, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
That movie s so good.
2
SPEAKER_00
So nuts.
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, when I watched it with my dad, my dad was like, this is what life was like.
2
SPEAKER_01
This is what it was for me.
2
SPEAKER_01
I knew so many people like that in the pool hall that were like that.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s a wild thing to watch because you realize like, oh, it s a drug.
2
SPEAKER_01
You re getting a drug.
2
SPEAKER_01
You re getting this weird anxiety fix, this dopamine fix, whatever it is from gambling.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, and my father like inadvertently, like, cause you know, my fat loves me, you know, loves me like a phenomenal father, right?
2
SPEAKER_00
They divorced when I was one, you know, my mom, my dad lived on Staten Island, my mom all the way in Queens.
2
SPEAKER_00
If you know, if you re not, that s like a two hour commute.
2
SPEAKER_00
He couldn t, he didn t have a car.
2
SPEAKER_00
He was taking the ferry and trains and never missed one visitation with me.
2
SPEAKER_00
He was at all my games, but even in the throes of the addiction, like he would take me to the OTB racetrack and I loved it.
2
SPEAKER_00
He was like, we re going to watch the horsies, Chrissy.
2
SPEAKER_00
You have a you who will have fun.
2
SPEAKER_00
You know, he would always tell me, you know, you could leave my mother s house, right, where she still lives, and you could go to the right was church, and to the left was the OTB racetrack, but it kind of, the church was like at the top of a triangle, so you could go either way and get to the church.
2
SPEAKER_00
And my father told me, he d always be like, you know, when you re going to church with your mother, though, you always go to the right, okay?
2
SPEAKER_00
You don t walk to the left.
2
SPEAKER_00
Never walk past that OTB with your mother to the right, because he knew that the dirtbags who hung out outside there knew me.
2
SPEAKER_00
And so one day we walked that way and they all started going up.
2
SPEAKER_00
So like, here he is, Chrissy, good luck, John.
2
SPEAKER_00
There he is, there he is.
2
SPEAKER_00
And my mother was like, how do you know those men?
2
SPEAKER_00
How do you know those men, honey?
2
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, you know, sometimes dad walks with me past that way.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then she was like, you tell me right now.
2
SPEAKER_00
Is he taking you into that OTB racetrack?
2
SPEAKER_00
And then I like didn t know like what the fuck to do.
2
SPEAKER_00
I had that moment like, do I side with my mom or side with my dad?
2
SPEAKER_00
And that was, I remember like first time feeling like anxiety, but you know, one thing about,
2
SPEAKER_00
I just kind of always sided with my dad.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I was like, no, I was like, I ve never been in there.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t know how those guys know me.
2
SPEAKER_00
But then, of course, she found out and, you know, I got in big trouble.
2
SPEAKER_00
But it s what it is.
2
SPEAKER_00
God damn, dude, by the way, I love Austin so much.
2
SPEAKER_00
I really do.
2
SPEAKER_00
I ve I got into the car today.
2
SPEAKER_00
You know, the send a car for me to come here.
2
SPEAKER_00
I appreciate I get in the car, you know, real nice suit and tie driver.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then he stepped in dog shit as soon as he got into the car.
2
SPEAKER_00
He s walking and I see him go, oh, fuck.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then he steps in dog shit, and he s just driving in the car, and the entire car smells like dog shit.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I said, sir, did you step in dog shit?
2
SPEAKER_00
And he said, yeah, I did.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, oh, OK.
2
SPEAKER_00
He was like, you want me to take my shoes off?
2
SPEAKER_00
I can throw them out right here.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, you ll drive this car barefoot?
2
SPEAKER_00
He goes, absolutely.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, nah, dude, it s okay.
2
SPEAKER_00
I was like, you are willing to drive this car barefoot.
2
SPEAKER_00
He goes, you re my customer.
2
SPEAKER_00
I ll drive barefoot for you.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, dude, I fucking love it.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then he s waiting for me here.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, what are you going to do, man?
2
SPEAKER_00
He was like, I m going to find a paper towel and I m going to wipe down these shoes.
2
SPEAKER_00
You better believe it ain t gonna smell like shit in here when you come back.
2
SPEAKER_00
I was like, good for you, dude.
2
SPEAKER_00
Thank you.
2
SPEAKER_00
But full dog shit.
2
SPEAKER_00
Good people out here.
2
SPEAKER_01
They re good people out here.
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, there s not jobs everywhere, though, right?
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, sure.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, there s lots of crazy people here.
2
SPEAKER_01
There s crazy people whenever you have a large population.
2
SPEAKER_01
There s two million people in this area.
2
SPEAKER_01
But that s not that much.
2
SPEAKER_00
No.
2
SPEAKER_00
No.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s what s good about it.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s like people aren t a burden.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yes, because you have the space.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, if you live in New York City if you live in LA People become a burden because there s so many of them.
2
SPEAKER_00
You don t appreciate them See the thing with New York.
2
SPEAKER_00
I agree and New York now it never felt that way I m you know my whole life there, but recently New York has become a place still great still my home city, but
2
SPEAKER_00
The problems that you would always hear about like, you know, people say, oh, it s conspiracy or like you re watching that shit on the news.
2
SPEAKER_00
Now you re actually seeing it.
2
SPEAKER_00
OK, so for, you know, 39 years, I never had one altercation, not one altercation on the subway or in the streets with any kind of mentally unwell person in New York.
2
SPEAKER_00
There s a lot of crazy people, but like they re not really fucking with you.
2
SPEAKER_00
Three times in the past year, three times in the past year, I ve been physically
2
SPEAKER_00
Assaulted or like had to defend myself against a Mentally deranged homeless person one time was walking in the comedy cellar some guy Came at me and like just put his elbow in my chest and I had to push him and he fell over a pile of garbage I just had to push him as hard as I could
3
SPEAKER_00
I can where I m like, I never dealt with that and now you re starting to hear people who like would always kind of you know Never ever ever even think about like voting any other way But the traditional New York way are like I have to now vote another way because it s not safe for me anymore There s there s crime and the and the cops I feel bad man the cops
3
SPEAKER_00
If I was NY, a lot of my friends are NYPD.
3
SPEAKER_00
They re like, dude, we wanna fucking police.
3
SPEAKER_00
We can t, I can t do anything.
3
SPEAKER_00
My boy was telling me a story.
3
SPEAKER_00
He s like, we were outside the projects, right?
3
SPEAKER_00
He goes, and we see this drug dealer selling drugs, right?
3
SPEAKER_00
We see him, he s selling drugs.
3
SPEAKER_00
And we know he s right there selling drugs.
3
SPEAKER_00
We arrest him.
3
SPEAKER_00
Out.
3
SPEAKER_00
Right away.
3
SPEAKER_00
Out.
3
SPEAKER_00
Then we saw him selling drugs to what looked like a 10-year-old kid.
3
SPEAKER_00
So we arrest him.
3
SPEAKER_00
We arrest this kid.
3
SPEAKER_00
We re seeing a 10-year-old child walk with a bag of drugs.
3
SPEAKER_00
Arrest him.
3
SPEAKER_00
Back out.
3
SPEAKER_00
He goes, so what do you want me to fucking do then?
3
SPEAKER_00
I can t keep doing this.
3
SPEAKER_00
Why do you think they re doing that living in New York City?
3
SPEAKER_01
Why do you think they re letting people out like right away?
3
SPEAKER_01
There s no cash bail, right?
3
SPEAKER_00
Right.
3
SPEAKER_00
I was told that s by my police friends.
3
SPEAKER_00
I was told that s what it is.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s it s that law is the big thing.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s like this bail law to get out.
3
SPEAKER_00
He said which doesn t help anyone because I why was it made?
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_00
I honestly don t know.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s not, it s not well received though.
3
SPEAKER_00
Nobody really, you re going to in, in New York now, even, even the people who are wearing like 40 masks during COVID are like, I don t want my, my city s like being destroyed now.
3
SPEAKER_00
So now I don t know if that changes in an election, if people will vote what they, I don t know, but I m like, I see it now for the first time ever.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m like fully seeing people injecting heroin, fucking it s wild.
3
SPEAKER_00
Even my father, who was like, I grew up in New York, you know, my father was like, I remember New York in the 70s and 80s, which was like nuts.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, you know, he was like, you would get assaulted.
3
SPEAKER_00
Everybody had AIDS.
3
SPEAKER_00
He was like, you know, this is scarier New York.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m more scared of this New York.
3
SPEAKER_00
Because you know, he said in the old New York, you knew which neighborhoods don t go in that neighborhood and then you re okay.
3
SPEAKER_00
But this New York, I don t know where that shit s coming from.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s gonna pop out of anywhere at any time.
3
SPEAKER_00
And you ll have people that will hear this and be like, you re exaggerating, it s not true.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m telling you, it s true.
3
SPEAKER_01
They just haven t run into it yet.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m telling you, dude, it s true.
3
SPEAKER_00
And when you are friends with the police, you know the cops.
3
SPEAKER_00
There it s true.
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, when you saw those illegal immigrants that came here that attacked the police officer and they were out on jail the next day, flashing the bird at the cameras, that s crazy.
3
SPEAKER_01
You got someone who illegally enters from another country, assaults a police officer, and they re right back out in the street.
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, and by the way, nobody, like any race or religion, doesn t want that in New York.
3
SPEAKER_00
Nobody wants that.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s not a thing that s like, oh, nobody wants that at all.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I don t know what it s going to take to change.
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I will tell you that a lot of New Yorkers blame it on Mayor Bloomberg.
3
SPEAKER_00
He s the most hated ex-Mayor Bloomberg.
3
SPEAKER_00
He s the most hated person.
3
SPEAKER_01
Really?
3
SPEAKER_01
More so than the last guy?
3
SPEAKER_01
Then de Blasio?
3
SPEAKER_00
I m sorry, de Blasio is what I meant to say.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m sorry, not Bloomberg.
3
SPEAKER_00
De Blasio is what I meant to say.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m sorry.
3
SPEAKER_00
Mayor de Blasio is hated.
3
SPEAKER_00
He s hated more than Satan.
3
SPEAKER_00
I was at a gym once in Park Slope, Brooklyn.
3
SPEAKER_00
He was on the elliptical, and he has a security guard standing by him.
3
SPEAKER_00
He was the acting mayor, and I mean, people were just fucking trashing him as they walked by.
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean, outwardly trashing him.
3
SPEAKER_00
Because nobody gives a shit.
3
SPEAKER_00
One guy was like, you fucking suck.
3
SPEAKER_00
And by the way, that s a girl s machine.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s a girl s machine.
3
SPEAKER_00
Elliptical is a girl s machine?
3
SPEAKER_00
That s what they said.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, it s not.
3
SPEAKER_01
Nobody s ever said that to me.
3
SPEAKER_00
I use elliptical machines.
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean, dude, they wouldn t say it to you.
3
SPEAKER_00
But they said it was a girl s machine.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I saw one of the security guards go like this.
3
SPEAKER_00
He did that little laugh.
3
SPEAKER_00
But people hate him, and they blame a lot of what s happened in New York on him.
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, he was definitely a fool.
3
SPEAKER_01
Sure.
3
SPEAKER_01
He was a weird fool.
3
SPEAKER_01
First of all, that s not his real name, right?
3
SPEAKER_01
No.
3
SPEAKER_01
He s not Italian.
3
SPEAKER_01
De Blasio s not his real name.
3
SPEAKER_01
He has some sort of a German name.
3
SPEAKER_01
What s De Blasio s real name?
3
SPEAKER_01
It s like Wilhelm, I think, is it?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, something very Nazi.
3
SPEAKER_01
Wilhelm.
3
SPEAKER_01
Wilhelm.
3
SPEAKER_01
Wilhelm.
3
SPEAKER_01
What s really crazy is that video where he was doing that thing, trying to get people to get vaccinated.
3
SPEAKER_01
You get a free burger, so he s eating a burger.
3
SPEAKER_01
Does fries come with this?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
Warren Wilhelm Jr.
3
SPEAKER_00
yeah and he just divorced his wife um and uh which she also stole they said like 80 million dollars or something like that went missing yeah that s gone so they hate they they hated her now they re divorced um it s uh it s one of those things though where i just got to stay there it s just home you know if i wasn t yeah well especially after what i told you i just did i can t now uproot the family to austin as much as i want thinking about it
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, well when I come here, I m like- Are you renting right now?
3
SPEAKER_00
We re renting right now.
3
SPEAKER_00
I can t take my kid out of school though again.
3
SPEAKER_01
I can t do it to my- Well, school s almost over.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, but my kids have went to- now you re making me think about it.
3
SPEAKER_00
Give me an edible.
3
SPEAKER_00
Don t do it.
3
SPEAKER_01
Don t do it.
3
SPEAKER_00
This is only 10?
3
SPEAKER_00
Because 5 puts me on my ass.
3
SPEAKER_00
No, this is only 10.
3
SPEAKER_00
Should I eat half or eat the whole thing?
3
SPEAKER_01
10, you ll be fine.
3
SPEAKER_00
Are you positive?
3
SPEAKER_01
No.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m not positive in anything about you.
3
SPEAKER_00
Thank you.
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, then you like trans girls  feet.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m pretty positive about that.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t think you d lie.
3
SPEAKER_00
I wouldn t lie.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s the one thing about me.
3
SPEAKER_00
I make shit up.
3
SPEAKER_00
I exaggerate shit.
3
SPEAKER_00
A lot of my comedy stories and stuff, I exaggerate it.
3
SPEAKER_00
When it comes to shit like that, I won t lie.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
No, I believe you.
3
SPEAKER_01
This is a good place to live, but I don t think you should uproot your family again, unless you can convince them.
3
SPEAKER_01
Unless they come here and they really like it.
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, Jasmine, my girl, has told me
3
SPEAKER_00
You can move us again in five years, okay?
3
SPEAKER_00
Five years.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s not a good time to move them.
3
SPEAKER_00
No, that s a bad time.
3
SPEAKER_00
Why?
3
SPEAKER_00
Because she s saying our 13-year-old will be through high school.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, but then the other one... Eight-year-old will be going into high school.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, you don t want to move them, like, at high school.
3
SPEAKER_01
You don t even think moving them in eighth grade?
3
SPEAKER_01
I think before, just this is my personal opinion.
3
SPEAKER_01
I might be wrong for whoever s listening to this that s about to move their kid.
3
SPEAKER_01
Because listen, I moved, my family moved me to Newton, Massachusetts from Jamaica Plain for my first year of high school and it was actually good.
3
SPEAKER_01
It was good because Jamaica Plain was fucking sketchy.
3
SPEAKER_01
Jamaica Plain, which is nice now, it s like they ve done, you know, as Boston expanded, like they sort of like made, they renovated a lot of places.
3
SPEAKER_00
Sure.
3
SPEAKER_01
Jamaica Plain is a much more calm neighborhood.
3
SPEAKER_01
When I was there in the 1970s, it was sketchy as fuck.
3
SPEAKER_01
It was sketchy.
3
SPEAKER_01
I think we moved there in 78 or 79.
3
SPEAKER_01
It was fucking weird.
3
SPEAKER_01
I had dangerous neighbors.
3
SPEAKER_01
These kids were dangerous.
3
SPEAKER_01
They were already having sex.
3
SPEAKER_01
I was 11.
3
SPEAKER_01
I remember this kid was telling me, you don t even know how your dick goes in a pussy.
3
SPEAKER_01
You probably think it goes in straight.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m like, it doesn t?
3
SPEAKER_01
He s like, you know, it goes up.
3
SPEAKER_01
I go, it goes up.
3
SPEAKER_01
What?
3
SPEAKER_01
I thought, you know, I ve never seen like a girl s, no girls had ever shown me their vagina when I was 11.
3
SPEAKER_01
But they were trying to explain to me that it s like, I guess I wasn t, I guess I wasn t 11.
3
SPEAKER_01
I guess I was 13.
3
SPEAKER_01
So it was like, we only lived in Jamaica Plain for a year and a half.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I think it was, I think we moved there before school.
3
SPEAKER_01
I think I went through the summer and then we went, I went to school with sketchy.
3
SPEAKER_01
So this is where I went to eighth grade.
3
SPEAKER_01
I went to this like public school in Jamaica Plain.
3
SPEAKER_01
We didn t have any money.
3
SPEAKER_01
We lived in, it was a shitty area, but the kids were like 17 in the eighth grade and they would show up for the first days of class and then quit.
3
SPEAKER_01
It was just like they were just they had dropped out so many times they here they were The age where they should be graduating and they re not even in high school yet Wow, it was weird.
3
SPEAKER_00
Is that you we think got you into martial arts then you feel like you had to defend yourself in some ways I definitely was I felt super vulnerable, but I didn t get into martial arts until till the next year But it was what you do.
3
SPEAKER_00
Did you lose your virginity first or get into martial arts first?
3
SPEAKER_00
Martial arts nice
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
Actual sex sex.
3
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I d been fondled by a lady.
3
SPEAKER_01
She was 21.
3
SPEAKER_01
I was 13.
3
SPEAKER_01
That was a lot of fun.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s interesting.
3
SPEAKER_00
She s very pretty.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, believe it.
3
SPEAKER_01
But nothing hardcore serious.
3
SPEAKER_01
Not like sex sex until I was like 16.
3
16?
3
SPEAKER_01
I was 17.
3
15?
3
SPEAKER_01
I guess I was almost 16.
3
SPEAKER_00
First time I ever had sex, went raw dog, didn t pull out.
3
SPEAKER_00
Ooh, Jesus, first time?
3
SPEAKER_00
I didn t know what to do.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh my goodness.
3
SPEAKER_00
First time.
3
SPEAKER_01
Nobody talk to you?
3
SPEAKER_00
No, very Catholic family, wouldn t speak to me about these things.
3
SPEAKER_00
Raw dog, not pulling out.
3
SPEAKER_01
Not pull out.
3
SPEAKER_00
Everyone s so fertile at that age.
3
SPEAKER_00
Dude, and she s half Jamaican, half Italian.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh boy, super fertile.
3
SPEAKER_00
Beautiful girl.
3
SPEAKER_00
We actually were on the same basketball team.
3
SPEAKER_00
We were playing basketball together, and she had already had sex, and I was a virgin, and we had this sex, and unprotected,
3
SPEAKER_00
And I ll never forget, she was, you know, she put like a do-rag on.
3
SPEAKER_00
She had done this before.
3
SPEAKER_00
My mom wasn t home.
3
SPEAKER_00
She put this do-rag on.
3
SPEAKER_00
She was ready to go.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then she, you know, I couldn t really, I was so nervous I could barely get an erection.
3
SPEAKER_00
I just couldn t.
3
SPEAKER_00
It was like impossible.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then finally got it in and then I finally got it up and it was, she wrote,
3
SPEAKER_00
Dude, two pumps, bluish.
3
SPEAKER_00
He was like, did you just come inside me?
3
SPEAKER_00
I was like, I m sorry, I m so sorry.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then I had this emotional swing where I immediately, I started hysterical crying the very first time I had sex.
3
SPEAKER_00
It was the weirdest thing.
3
SPEAKER_00
I can t explain it.
3
SPEAKER_00
Hysterical.
4
SPEAKER_01
crying to the point where she, you know, comforted me, and then within two weeks broke up.
4
SPEAKER_01
Of course.
4
SPEAKER_00
She was done.
4
SPEAKER_00
She probably waited two weeks.
4
SPEAKER_00
I couldn t.
4
SPEAKER_00
She was holding her breath.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, and I don t know, my therapist can t tell me why that happened.
4
SPEAKER_01
He s like, that s a rarity.
4
SPEAKER_01
I can t tell you, man.
4
SPEAKER_00
Well on it you were no fucking 14 years old, but it s anxiety It s anxiety so thinking about a thing that thing happens, and you re just overwhelmed, and you don t know how to handle it So you just cry?
4
SPEAKER_01
Anxiety for me is this interesting thing I know a lot of people suffer from it, but it s this interesting thing where I ve connected now, and I used to Lean into my anxiety right I used to especially doing comedy.
4
SPEAKER_01
I would like make it a thing whatever I I
4
SPEAKER_01
Pandora s box of anxiety opened up for me on 9-11 because I thought my mom was dead, this whole thing, so I couldn t shake that feeling for 10 years after that.
4
SPEAKER_01
I could not shake the feeling of thinking my mom or anyone I loved, any woman that I loved, girlfriend or mom or aunt, if they did not respond to me within five minutes of a text, I assumed they were dead.
4
SPEAKER_01
That feeling of 9-11 every day came back because I was calling my mom, no response, no response, every day coming back, coming back.
4
SPEAKER_01
And so I would deal with that.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then something happened where I started to look at my anxiety like narcissism and disgusted with myself to the point where, because I used to put out these videos, Anxiety Tuesday, talk about my anxiety, and people will still sometimes be like, oh, that Anxiety Tuesday stuff, it helped me so much, why don t you do it anymore?
4
SPEAKER_01
And I m like, I hate that, I hate that guy.
4
SPEAKER_01
That guy was so pitiful because you were being worried about things that really didn t matter.
4
SPEAKER_01
what I should have done and what I know now is dealt with that anxiety in a healthier way.
4
SPEAKER_01
So instead of subconsciously, you know, selling my house because I was really nervous about a big show, I ve been able to deal with that anxiety in a healthier way and make a better decision.
4
SPEAKER_01
So I think like this relationship with anxiety is so like big and swings in my life that I used to kind of let, I m trying to use the energy now to be like, well, how can you learn from this?
4
SPEAKER_01
How does this build you up?
4
SPEAKER_01
And how do you make better decisions?
4
SPEAKER_01
you know, by doing this, so I struggle with that.
4
SPEAKER_00
Do you have friends that you grew up with that also had anxiety too?
4
SPEAKER_01
No, anxiety wasn t a thing that you could speak about in my neighborhood.
4
SPEAKER_00
So this was only, like, you on your own developed this?
4
100%.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then, like, I remember, my anxiety was so bad.
4
SPEAKER_01
I played college basketball.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I would, I would text my girlfriend at the time to make sure she got home from work, you know, whatever, what she was doing.
4
SPEAKER_01
And if she didn t text back, I remember there was this one game, we were playing Brooklyn College, which was like a big rival, we needed to beat them.
4
SPEAKER_01
I was, I was, you know, one of the best players on the team.
4
SPEAKER_01
I remember I would, she wasn t texting me back.
4
SPEAKER_01
I foolishly texted her before the game, like when we were in the locker room, and then thinking, okay, we re gonna go in for warmups, 20 minutes, I would have to leave my phone in another room, because the anxiety of, like, is the phone ringing or not, I couldn t handle it.
4
SPEAKER_01
So if I texted her, and then I went and did something else for 20 minutes, I would say, at the end of this 20 minutes, she s gonna have a text, she s home, and you can relax, right?
4
SPEAKER_01
Even though it was,
4
SPEAKER_01
pure daylight in New York, like she was always gonna be okay, but my brain convinced me otherwise.
4
SPEAKER_01
So one day, she s not texting back, and now the game has begun.
4
SPEAKER_01
So I m playing this game, like I can t even feel my body, like I am paralyzed, truly, I cannot feel my body.
4
SPEAKER_01
My mouth is numb, I m having like a full panic attack, but I am the lead player on a college basketball game that we need to win.
4
SPEAKER_01
So so I don t know like what the fuck to do.
4
SPEAKER_01
So I call a timeout I call a timeout overrule my coach.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m like time a coach.
4
SPEAKER_01
I just need a breather Okay, I say I m just gonna go back into the training room.
4
SPEAKER_01
I just want to tape my ankle, which is normal Okay, I come back out Because I wanted to look at my phone look at the phone still no message still nothing You know turns out it was just a delay on the train and she whatever she s a 21 year old girl she s not looking at her phone all the time right and
4
SPEAKER_01
I come back and I have the phone stuffed in my pants.
4
SPEAKER_01
I stuffed it in my, like, tidy shorts and I played the game with the cell phone stuffed in my pants because I said the only way I m going to be able to do this is somehow
4
SPEAKER_01
when nobody s looking, even though it s a packed college crowd, pull out this phone and make sure that she texts me or else I can t play.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m gonna be paralyzed and I can t play.
4
SPEAKER_01
So I had it, and then I was playing the game, realizing this is worse, because now I m waiting for the phone to vibrate, and every time I thought it was vibrating, it wasn t.
4
SPEAKER_01
I was just running in the game.
4
SPEAKER_01
So then I stuffed it in towels and the warmups, which was in a pile in the back of the bench, and they would call
4
SPEAKER_01
Coach would call timeout or I would call a timeout.
4
SPEAKER_01
I did that twice and get out.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then I would go over and look at the phone to see if, you know, she had texted me and I dealt with this anxiety.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then what happened was, you know, we were kids, 18, 19.
4
SPEAKER_01
I opened up to one of my friends about it.
4
SPEAKER_01
We used to call him Bam Bam.
4
SPEAKER_01
He s a big boy.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I opened up to him about it thinking, you know, whatever.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then what they did,
4
SPEAKER_01
Again, back then, not knowing anything about mental health, not really caring, being from deep in Brooklyn.
4
SPEAKER_01
What they did is they, on a road trip, one time we were going to a game, they found a way to start, the star six sevens called me from unrestricted, it ll pop up nobody, and they said, the girl s name was Melissa, they were like, hey, we kidnapped Melissa.
4
SPEAKER_01
We have her in the trunk of our car.
4
SPEAKER_01
She s gonna die like everything that they I confessed to them They said and I had and it was crazy my freshman year when she also played basketball as well that year when I was a freshman She was a senior so we would always be in the same gym at the same time.
4
SPEAKER_01
So I had no anxiety I was 90 free throw shooter 9-0
4
SPEAKER_01
my junior and senior year, when I was a better basketball player and better shape, the leader of the team, but she was not with me every game, 50% free throw shooter, because my brain, I couldn t feel my body.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I somehow got people, my teammates didn t even know this, I got all the way to Division III All-American.
4
SPEAKER_01
I was like, I m my school s all-time leading scorer, or maybe second now.
4
SPEAKER_01
But I did all this stuff, and I was completely, 100%, absolutely having like this mental health
4
SPEAKER_01
Crisis like as anxious as I could be where I swear I m not I would never joke about this Like I was like at 21 years old being like I m gonna have to kill myself I m gonna have I cannot live like this and nobody could help me.
4
SPEAKER_01
My mother didn t know what to do.
4
SPEAKER_01
No, no, but this was you know, when?
4
SPEAKER_01
25 no.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah 20 years ago
4
SPEAKER_01
There was no mental health.
4
SPEAKER_01
Nobody knew that.
4
SPEAKER_01
Nobody knew about like that.
4
SPEAKER_01
I just dealt with every day reliving, I think my girlfriend s dead.
4
SPEAKER_01
I think reliving that 9-11 Pandora s box and it affected me.
4
SPEAKER_01
And to the point where like every relationship I had, they broke up with me because they were like, I can t deal with this.
4
SPEAKER_01
To them, it was control.
4
SPEAKER_01
And in a way it was, I was trying to control.
4
SPEAKER_01
I wouldn t care about if they cheated on me, where are you?
4
SPEAKER_01
I was never jealous about that.
4
SPEAKER_01
I d be like, go have fun, have sex.
4
SPEAKER_01
Let me know what big as dick is.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m kind of into it.
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t give a shit, but I I I cared about their safety always and it was this thing I could not let go of and I the biggest fear I have the biggest fear I have and that s why I m trying so hard to work at this now and sometimes it s fucking exhausting but I m trying so hard is I don t want that anxiety to come back and then I put it on my daughters and
4
SPEAKER_01
Because I don t want them, I don t want to be their 18, 19, want to live their life, and dad s here texting them, and they don t write back, and now I m thinking, who has my daughter?
4
SPEAKER_01
So I worry about that.
4
SPEAKER_01
That s the first fear I had when I held my oldest daughter, who was, you know, love of my life.
4
SPEAKER_01
I ve held her, and I was like, what s going to happen when she goes outside?
4
SPEAKER_01
Which I know you gotta stay in the present, you can t worry about that, but sometimes it hurts me.
4
SPEAKER_00
How did you get over this everyday crippling anxiety to the point you thought you were gonna kill yourself?
4
SPEAKER_00
How d you get past that?
4
SPEAKER_01
So what happened was, the only advice that I did get from a friend of mine who s my kid s godfather now,
4
SPEAKER_01
Was like you are so much better basketball player, which is that s what I cared about back then You are such a better basketball player when you re single when you don t have a girlfriend You are such a better basketball player and that s what you need to do So the only way at that time I could overcome it is to be single and to not Connect to a girl in any way shape or form because then if I was single I wasn t worried as much because my mom always would text me back or
4
SPEAKER_01
Or if I called her, she was always pretty much home.
4
SPEAKER_01
I very rarely dealt with instances where my mother was not responding.
4
SPEAKER_01
Because my mom, she is thinking about me all the time.
4
SPEAKER_01
But these girls, rightfully so, would be like, I m not going to sit here and respond to this behavior.
4
SPEAKER_01
He s nuts.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I was.
4
SPEAKER_01
And so that s the only way I could get over it.
4
SPEAKER_01
Now, how I deal with it, now my girl s out picking up my kids from school while we re doing the show.
4
SPEAKER_01
I just have a feeling what I think about now is,
4
SPEAKER_01
If something was to happen, I can handle it.
4
SPEAKER_01
I ll be able, I ll be okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s gonna hurt, but I ll be okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
I ve had enough life experiences where things hurt, but you ll be confident you can get through it.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I try as best I can to tell myself, hey, your brain is a
5
SPEAKER_00
The defense mechanism is always gonna give you worst case scenario for survival.
5
SPEAKER_00
So just know that that worst case scenario is the statistically the least likely thing is gonna happen.
5
SPEAKER_00
And if God forbid it does happen, you ll be able to deal with it, you can handle it.
5
SPEAKER_00
Where I think the anxiety for me, the last time came, I don t know what to do.
5
SPEAKER_00
I don t have the tools to help me if something horrible happens.
5
SPEAKER_01
So life experience, therapy.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, but it s interesting what you said to me about therapy is I felt that way myself I was like, you know, sometimes I feel like I have we all have issues but I m like sometimes I m just like bitching to my therapist and I m forcing myself to talk about these things that I feel like I Have a better handle over from like my own kind of, you know meditation and just you know Thinking you know, like seeking out help for myself listening to people speak having life experience I m like, you know, I like that my therapist but I m like
5
SPEAKER_00
I don t know, man.
5
SPEAKER_00
Sometimes it s like you don t want to be the guy that s like, I don t need help because I get it.
5
SPEAKER_00
But I m like, yeah, I didn t I didn t need this today.
5
SPEAKER_00
I feel like you made me nervous again now.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like I didn t need this at all today.
5
SPEAKER_00
I was OK today.
5
SPEAKER_00
But it s Tuesday, 1115.
5
SPEAKER_00
So that s our session.
5
SPEAKER_01
That s what Abigail Schreier was saying.
5
SPEAKER_01
I had her on and she had written a book about therapy and kids and that obsessing about problems sometimes can exacerbate the problem, make them worse.
5
SPEAKER_01
So instead of just like allowing that problem to sort of go away and naturally recover from it, now you just rehash it over and over and over and over.
5
SPEAKER_00
And that s no good.
5
SPEAKER_01
And it becomes a thing that you re concentrating on all the time.
5
SPEAKER_01
And that you re not developing the ability to be resilient.
5
SPEAKER_01
And resilience comes from a lot of things.
5
SPEAKER_01
You know, a lot of things is like if you have bad things happen in your life, you can develop anxiety.
5
SPEAKER_01
But also when bad things happen in your life and you recover from them, you realize you can recover from bad things.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, that s how I feel now.
5
SPEAKER_00
I feel like I ll, I ll just, you know, I ve been through it.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m like, I m not scared of anesthesia anymore.
5
SPEAKER_00
I used to be that guy that s scared of anesthesia because I had to get a colonoscopy because I took a shit that looked like it had some blood in it.
5
SPEAKER_00
And it turned out it was just a bunch of boysenberries, but they, but that s what it was.
5
SPEAKER_00
Jerry beats.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah beats you go into a panic.
5
SPEAKER_00
So I didn t know so the doctor I showed him a picture of my shit I and he was like that doesn t look great Let s just get a colonoscopy and I got the anesthesia and I woke up and everything was fine And I m like, well now I m not scared now.
5
SPEAKER_00
I feel cuz it you a big anxiety for me would be
5
SPEAKER_00
okay i feel a pain in my chest my stomach you know whatever like i had gas once in my stomach and i had shows in england and i got i literally went from literal gas pain because you were eating all this british food just a minor gas pain that was going to go away in 10 minutes to
5
SPEAKER_00
brain exacerbated it into potential appendicitis.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m across the ocean.
5
SPEAKER_00
So now I have three more shows left.
5
SPEAKER_00
So what I m going to have to do is figure out a way to get home preemptively.
5
SPEAKER_00
So what I m going to do is I called the venue.
5
SPEAKER_00
I said, I have an emergency.
5
SPEAKER_00
They said, what s the emergency?
5
SPEAKER_00
I said, my stepmom died, which wasn t true.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I got on a flight.
5
SPEAKER_00
I swear to God and I got Jesus Christ.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yes I got on a flight didn t tell the other people on the show got on a flight and got home because and and when I landed back at JFK my stomach pain went away and it was all in my head to begin with because what I was saying was at that time was I m gonna get
5
SPEAKER_00
My appendix removed over here.
5
SPEAKER_00
I might die in the hospital.
5
SPEAKER_00
I don t know how I don t know how I ll react to anesthesia but now But now that wouldn t happen now what I would say if I got appendicitis feeling right now in the show what I d say was Well, if that s gonna be the case, you ll deal with it.
5
SPEAKER_00
You know what you know what anesthesia feels like you won t know about it Anyway, we have enough modern medicine here where if you really if this thing got really bad and this was like you re gonna die You have enough medicine here where you can make this as painless as possible
5
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh my god.
5
SPEAKER_00
They weren t selling, but still.
5
SPEAKER_00
Jesus Christ.
5
SPEAKER_00
I wasn t selling anything, but I still was the headliner.
5
SPEAKER_00
I let people down, and I had to apologize to my stepmom that I said she died.
5
SPEAKER_01
And the other people that were with you, did they fly over there to do those shows too?
5
SPEAKER_00
No, they were from the UK.
5
SPEAKER_00
They were from the UK, but all I ever wanted to do was see the beach in the UK.
5
SPEAKER_00
I ve always been obsessed.
5
SPEAKER_00
I wanted to see the water in England, and the day I left, they had a beach day.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I left because I was like, I have stomach pains and I flew away because my brain would get the best of me.
5
SPEAKER_00
But now I m different.
5
SPEAKER_00
Now I m saying, well, I ll be able to handle this.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s how I feel.
5
SPEAKER_00
Jesus.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s a little nuts, right?
5
SPEAKER_00
It is a little nuts.
5
SPEAKER_01
But it s okay.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
I don t know how to handle that.
5
SPEAKER_01
I know.
5
SPEAKER_01
My brain thinks so different than yours.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s hard for me to... But isn t it interesting that we can both, but both of our outlets are comedy, even though our brains are different, because it s really a defense.
5
SPEAKER_00
I do comedy because it s a defense mechanism.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s why I do it.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s an art form.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s a discipline.
5
SPEAKER_01
I like it because it s interesting and it s fun.
5
SPEAKER_01
I like it because it makes people laugh and it excites my brain to come up with new stuff to talk about.
5
SPEAKER_00
But when you were young in like Jamaica Plains and doing those things, would your defense thing, would you always try to make people laugh from a defensive point of view?
5
SPEAKER_01
No, but if you talked to my friends from high school, they wouldn t have told you I was funny.
5
SPEAKER_01
They thought I was a psycho.
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SPEAKER_01
Got it.
5
SPEAKER_01
I d gotten obsessed with martial arts when I got to high school, and that s all I cared about.
5
SPEAKER_01
That s all I wanted to do.
5
SPEAKER_01
But back then, I just was a drawer.
5
SPEAKER_01
I was an illustrator.
5
SPEAKER_01
I did a lot of comic books.
5
SPEAKER_00
Left-handed?
5
SPEAKER_01
Right-handed.
5
SPEAKER_00
You know what I mean?
5
SPEAKER_00
Many people are good drawers who are right-handed.
5
SPEAKER_00
Really?
5
SPEAKER_01
Most of them are lefties.
5
SPEAKER_01
Well, lefties are really good at a lot of things.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
I think lefties learn things easier.
5
SPEAKER_01
I don t know easier, but they seem to be better at learning things.
5
SPEAKER_01
I mean, this is a gross exaggeration.
5
SPEAKER_01
There s a lot of lefty morons, I m sure.
5
SPEAKER_01
But lefties are really good at boxing.
5
SPEAKER_01
Like, some of the hardest sparring rounds I ever had to do were with left-handed guys.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s a different angle.
5
SPEAKER_01
You re looking at things totally different.
5
SPEAKER_01
You re open for stuff that you re not.
5
SPEAKER_01
Like, you re open for a straight left.
5
SPEAKER_01
You re open, the right jab comes from a different place.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s harder to manage.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s weird.
5
SPEAKER_01
Your brain gets used to a guy with a left hand in front and you re standing and you re moving around with him.
5
SPEAKER_01
As soon as the right hand s in front, you re like, oh shit.
5
SPEAKER_01
It throws everything off.
5
SPEAKER_01
They re really good at pool.
5
SPEAKER_01
A lot of like world champions are left handed.
5
SPEAKER_01
Like some of the best players in the world are left handed.
5
SPEAKER_01
Not all of them.
5
SPEAKER_01
A lot of really good right handers too, but there s something about left handed people that they seem to excel at stuff.
5
SPEAKER_00
I ve never played pool once in my life.
5
SPEAKER_00
Good, don t do it.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s like golf.
5
SPEAKER_01
If you get into it, the problem with pool is if you get into it, it s so engrossing.
5
SPEAKER_01
It takes over your mind.
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SPEAKER_01
Everything.
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SPEAKER_01
It s so difficult to do.
5
SPEAKER_01
People don t understand, like, to play really good pool requires, like, this insane level of concentration that s sort of like a meditation.
5
SPEAKER_01
You re thinking about so many things.
5
SPEAKER_01
You re thinking about the exact amount of revolutions you re putting on the ball, the angle that ball s going to come off, what is going to come off with spin.
5
SPEAKER_01
Are you going to put check spin on it so it shortens the angle?
5
SPEAKER_01
Or are you going to put running English on it so it lengthens the angle?
5
SPEAKER_01
Are you going to hit it soft or hard?
5
SPEAKER_01
Where do you want to get for the next shot?
5
SPEAKER_01
And then where do you want to get for the shot after that, which is you have to play three balls in a
5
SPEAKER_01
Oh my god, I m out already.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, and this it s all this geometry and you have to understand angles and collisions and what about chess feeling?
5
SPEAKER_01
That s another one.
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Like I m scared to do it.
5
SPEAKER_01
I remember when Howard Stern got really into chess I was listening to the show and he was he was taking chess lessons and all these different things.
5
SPEAKER_01
I was like, ooh That s one of those things like in Boston one of things that I noticed is the guys who were really into golf their careers suffered and
5
SPEAKER_01
Because they weren t really thinking about comedy.
5
SPEAKER_01
They were thinking about playing.
5
SPEAKER_01
They wanted to play golf.
5
SPEAKER_01
Comedy was like their job that they would do so they would have money and then during the day they would play golf and golf had become their thing.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s interesting because I thought you were going to say it feels like.
5
SPEAKER_00
the guys who I know who play golf have bigger careers because they re making these connections with people on the golf course and getting these things.
5
SPEAKER_01
Well, that could happen, too.
5
SPEAKER_01
I mean, that s certainly a business thing.
5
SPEAKER_01
Golf is a great business game.
5
SPEAKER_01
If you re in a business, like, you kind of almost have to play golf.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
Because guys like to do deals and talk about things on the course.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
You get to know a person on a golf course, you know, just like you get to know a person playing pool.
5
SPEAKER_01
Right.
5
SPEAKER_01
You get to know, like, how they can handle pressure.
5
SPEAKER_01
Right.
5
SPEAKER_01
And what kind of a person they are.
5
SPEAKER_01
Like Brian Callen famously told me the story where his mom was watching this guy that his dad was gonna do business with play golf and the guy cheated at golf.
5
SPEAKER_01
He moved the ball and she goes don t do any business with him.
5
SPEAKER_01
He cheats.
5
SPEAKER_01
He moved that ball.
5
SPEAKER_01
He s a liar.
5
SPEAKER_01
She was right.
5
SPEAKER_01
Turned out she was right.
5
SPEAKER_01
But there s a thing that you can see when a person plays pool or plays golf.
5
SPEAKER_01
You see their character.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, that s like my father has a rule, if you re a fan, if you grew up in a city and you re not a fan of that team, you re a fan of a team from another city, he doesn t trust you.
5
SPEAKER_00
And he never will.
5
SPEAKER_00
He just won t, and it has nothing to do with his team.
5
SPEAKER_00
That makes sense He just says what kind of traitor of a person are you that you want to live around people who hate you because of your fan choice?
5
SPEAKER_00
Unless he said the only caveat to that is if their father was from like Pittsburgh, right?
5
SPEAKER_00
And you re a Dire Steelers fan.
5
SPEAKER_00
You moved to New York.
5
SPEAKER_00
I get that Yeah, but if you re just you re the guy that just wants to go against the grain his his advice is no.
5
SPEAKER_00
Thank you That s pretty good
6
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Advice yeah, that s a pretty good rule to live by sure that s like someone who s in your tribe.
6
SPEAKER_00
It secretly wants to be in another tribe Yeah, the only thing me and my father disagree on is like right now I m wearing a match shirt right and the only reason I m wearing this is because I I m gonna be honest with you I I you know jerked off today.
6
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I was coming in a little heavy.
6
SPEAKER_00
I was a little anxious whatever it happens and and then I kind of just let it sit there on me and
6
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And I got up, and the shirt that I had was at the edge of my bed that I was gonna wear, and I got up and it just leaked, it fell onto the shirt.
6
SPEAKER_00
So I was like, this is the only shirt I have.
6
SPEAKER_00
So I threw on a Mets shirt, knowing that some of my friends back home are gonna be like, are you a fucking Mets fan now, or are you a Yankees fan?
6
SPEAKER_00
How dumb is that?
6
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Because they re both from New York.
6
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That s my thing.
6
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For me, I m New York.
6
SPEAKER_00
I root for New York.
6
SPEAKER_01
But Mets is like people who use Android phones.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
6
SPEAKER_01
Like you re a rebel.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
6
It s true.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s true.
6
SPEAKER_00
Dude, you know why I m a Mets fan?
6
SPEAKER_00
I was born in Queens.
6
SPEAKER_00
My father s from the Bronx, died a Yankees fan.
6
SPEAKER_00
But Mets fan, the owner of the team, Steve Cohen, right?
6
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He s a big owner, whatever.
6
SPEAKER_00
Really nice guy.
6
SPEAKER_00
I did, in the pandemic, I did...
6
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his 60th birthday party.
6
SPEAKER_00
A private party, right?
6
SPEAKER_00
In a room like this.
6
SPEAKER_00
Did it suck?
6
SPEAKER_00
Here s what happened.
6
SPEAKER_01
So... I can t wait for this one.
6
SPEAKER_01
So... So... Okay, so here s what happened.
6
SPEAKER_00
All right, so... So... All right.
6
SPEAKER_00
I get a call, right?
6
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
6
SPEAKER_00
I m gonna do this show.
6
SPEAKER_00
What happened was, I talk... Jasmine, my family s Puerto Rican.
6
SPEAKER_00
My kids are Puerto Rican.
6
SPEAKER_00
I have material about having this Puerto Rican family, right?
6
SPEAKER_00
Steve s wife is Puerto Rican, okay?
6
SPEAKER_00
They have a 60th birthday party.
6
SPEAKER_00
And what I thought the birthday party was gonna be was him and his family.
6
SPEAKER_00
I ll do my Puerto Rican jokes, you know, the wife will like it, you know, whatever.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s 20 minutes, you know, great money.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s, you know, cool opportunity, do it.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s a challenge, right?
6
SPEAKER_00
It s the pandemic, not much going on.
6
SPEAKER_00
They rented out this restaurant.
6
SPEAKER_00
Nobody s supposed to know about it.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s like in the back room thing.
6
SPEAKER_00
So I go.
6
SPEAKER_00
So I get there and it s no, it s him and his 10 friends, all guys,
6
SPEAKER_00
Just all guys sitting at a table like this having dinner.
6
SPEAKER_00
They do not know comedy supposed to happen.
6
SPEAKER_00
The wife thought it d be a good idea To get a comedian in there for his 60th birthday that she wasn t invited to because this was a guy s thing and so a 60 year old billionaire Doesn t know who the fuck I am if you re gonna have comedy have Jerry Seinfeld have Joe Rogan have somebody that they know
6
SPEAKER_00
They have no idea.
6
SPEAKER_00
So the guy who was like Steve s assistant, who has to answer to his wife, I think his name was Ned, he goes, are you the comedian?
6
SPEAKER_00
I was like, yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
He goes, all right.
6
SPEAKER_00
He goes, what s your name again?
6
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, it s Chris DiStefano.
6
SPEAKER_00
I thought Mrs. Cohen knew me.
6
SPEAKER_00
She was like, yeah, she s not here.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s all guys in there.
6
SPEAKER_00
I said, well, do you not want me to do it?
6
SPEAKER_00
He goes, no, she already paid you.
6
SPEAKER_00
You have to do it.
6
SPEAKER_00
So I was like, okay.
6
SPEAKER_00
So I was like, well, just show me where the microphone is.
6
SPEAKER_00
He was like, we don t have anything.
6
SPEAKER_00
There s no microphone, there s no lights.
6
SPEAKER_00
He goes, we were thinking, he goes,
6
SPEAKER_00
Because they just got served their entrees, so we were thinking you can just stand in the front of the table and do a few minutes.
6
SPEAKER_00
So I was like, you know that this is going to be, this is a nightmare.
6
SPEAKER_00
And he was like, it doesn t feel like they re going to like you.
6
SPEAKER_00
So Ned Ned goes listen, they just got the entrees just go out there and so he I swear I m not I swear to God I told him my name three times
6
SPEAKER_00
He goes, uh, he goes, all right, uh, Steve, you know, uh, your wife had a nice little surprise for you.
6
SPEAKER_00
We got a comedian.
6
SPEAKER_00
We ve got a, you know, fun comedian.
6
SPEAKER_00
And he goes, um, and he goes, so, so here he is.
6
SPEAKER_00
And, and he goes, Chris, um, Chris, and then one of the guys went, Chris Rock is a Chris Rock.
6
SPEAKER_00
And then he goes, no, it s not Chris Rock.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s Chris.
6
SPEAKER_00
What s your last name, kid?
6
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, uh, DeStefano.
6
SPEAKER_00
And then as I m walking in, somebody goes, who the fuck is that?
6
SPEAKER_00
And so I walk in and I get up there right away.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, hey guys, I know this is probably not what you wanted.
6
SPEAKER_00
I can leave right now, but I have, you know, if you want me to do some jokes, like, you know, I ll, I ll do them right now.
6
SPEAKER_00
And then one guy was like, yeah, do it.
6
SPEAKER_00
He goes, but make it quick.
6
SPEAKER_00
So I was like, okay, this is good.
6
SPEAKER_00
So I go out there and Joe, I am fucking bombing, like you can t imagine.
6
SPEAKER_00
Like a full zero, all you hear is knives and forks hitting the plate, people chewing.
6
SPEAKER_00
At some point, I don t know who threw it, a shrimp bounced off my chest.
6
SPEAKER_00
Somebody hit me with a shrimp and they re dying in the back of the table.
6
SPEAKER_00
Tommy Mottola was there, who the famous record producer and was married to Mariah Carey.
6
SPEAKER_00
So I go, uh, I go, Oh, Mr. Mattoli, you know, I m a, I m a big fan, you know, of, of, of your ex-wife.
6
SPEAKER_00
Uh, you know, I love their work.
6
SPEAKER_00
He goes, yeah, I bet you re a big fan of cock too.
6
SPEAKER_00
Big laugh, you know, like I m like, Oh my God.
6
SPEAKER_00
So then finally the only person laughing, Mattoli dunked on you, got the biggest laugh of the room.
6
SPEAKER_00
Crushed.
6
SPEAKER_00
The only person laughing is Steve s son who s 30 years old who s become a friend of mine Josh great guy He s laughing in the corner not at my material just cuz he s like this cuz he knew my podcast.
6
SPEAKER_00
He was like, oh my god So then Steve Steve finally goes he goes listen to me he stops he goes he goes I m doing a joke.
6
SPEAKER_00
He wasn t very nice.
6
SPEAKER_00
He goes.
6
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
6
SPEAKER_00
He goes, uh, I
6
SPEAKER_00
What did my wife tell you and I said, well, I m you know, mr Cohen She told me just come out here birthday gift for you, you know do 15 minutes and and you know, like just you know Just do the best I can and she thought you d like me because I talked about the Puerto Rican kids and all that he goes Yeah, yeah, that s I m not Puerto Rican though.
6
SPEAKER_00
I was like, no, I know I know and he goes, um, how about this?
6
SPEAKER_00
I ll make you a deal He goes, what are your five best minutes?
6
SPEAKER_00
And I said, well, I did the David Letterman show a few years ago.
6
SPEAKER_00
He goes, oh, I know David Letterman.
6
SPEAKER_00
I said, yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
He said, why don t you do that?
6
SPEAKER_00
And he goes, do that.
6
SPEAKER_00
Do those five best.
6
SPEAKER_00
He goes, I m going to tell my guys to listen.
6
SPEAKER_00
Do those five best.
6
SPEAKER_00
He goes, if you can get me to laugh in those five minutes,
6
SPEAKER_00
I ll double whatever my wife gave you.
6
SPEAKER_00
He goes, did you get it already?
6
SPEAKER_00
I said, yeah, I think she wired it to my agent.
6
SPEAKER_00
He goes, I ll double it, whatever it is.
6
SPEAKER_00
I don t even know what the number is.
6
SPEAKER_00
Times two, give me your best five.
6
SPEAKER_00
So I just like planted my feet and I just took the wall, didn t even look at anybody, just did my exact David Letterman set, which is about being on the subway.
6
SPEAKER_00
I just came back from England like shit from 10 years ago, but I had it and I did it.
6
SPEAKER_00
And they started to laugh and sure as shit.
6
SPEAKER_00
That s what he did.
6
SPEAKER_00
He had he doubled the money turned out to be a big thing, you know for me and then What happened was is I had to sign all these NDAs not to talk about anything, but you just talked about it Well, here s the thing I
6
SPEAKER_00
I had to sign all these NDAs, not to talk about it.
6
SPEAKER_00
But I thought I had to sign NDAs because it was during COVID times and they were like renting out a restaurant, which like you really couldn t do back then.
6
SPEAKER_00
So I was like, just don t mention that.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, and I thought it was really more for like, you know, they don t want reporters showing up to the actual event and them getting in trouble.
6
SPEAKER_00
But it s like the next day, who cares?
6
SPEAKER_00
So I do my podcast the next day, Hey Babe with Sal Vulcano.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I start the show with dude, I fucking,
6
SPEAKER_00
ate it last night.
6
SPEAKER_00
Here s the story, right?
6
SPEAKER_00
Going crazy.
6
SPEAKER_00
That episode comes out the next day.
6
SPEAKER_00
We filmed it in the morning.
6
SPEAKER_00
It came out that night.
6
SPEAKER_00
So the next morning, so two days removed from the Cohen gig, I wake up.
6
SPEAKER_00
I have 20 missed calls from my manager, my agent, lawyer.
6
SPEAKER_00
I wake up, I m like, what the fuck happened?
6
SPEAKER_00
So my manager gets on the phone, he goes, take down that episode, dude.
6
SPEAKER_00
Take it down.
6
SPEAKER_00
I said, what?
6
SPEAKER_00
He goes, you broke, you violated the NDA.
6
SPEAKER_00
You just said all these things about the Cohen gig.
6
SPEAKER_00
You can t do that.
6
SPEAKER_00
His lawyers are saying you re going to get sued right now and they re going to take you to court and they will not lose.
6
SPEAKER_00
And then so I just hung up the phone on him.
6
SPEAKER_00
I was like, I need a second.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I just hung up.
6
SPEAKER_00
I said, what the fuck do I do?
6
SPEAKER_00
Cause I m like, I m not taking that shit down.
6
SPEAKER_00
I, you know, it s comedy, whatever.
6
SPEAKER_00
And then, so I m like, let me calm down.
6
SPEAKER_00
Let me calm down.
6
SPEAKER_00
So I scrolling on Instagram, right?
6
SPEAKER_00
This is what we do baseline scrolling on Instagram like a fucking crocodile I m scrolling and I see DMS from Steve s wife Steve s daughter Steve s son and I m parts like this now I m like, oh maybe I am fucked cuz like now the family themselves, right?
6
SPEAKER_00
It was all
6
SPEAKER_00
I can t believe you talked about it and hey babe we loved it that s amazing my dad s dying laughing come to a Mets game throw out the first pitch the the mom being like I want to meet your wife oh my god I can t thanks for mentioning that and I m like wait what the fuck so I call my manager and I m like I have messages from the
7
SPEAKER_01
family saying that it s OK.
7
SPEAKER_01
And then he s like, all right, hold on.
7
SPEAKER_01
And then he calls.
7
SPEAKER_01
He says, send me those messages.
7
SPEAKER_01
I send him the messages.
7
SPEAKER_01
And then within five minutes, lawyers backed off because although Steve didn t tell them to do that, the legal team was just like, that s a violation.
7
SPEAKER_01
I don t even check with Steve you fucked up and then so and then it went away like that and then The family now has become like friends of mine.
7
SPEAKER_01
It s like really Cohen family owns the Mets are like awesome amazing people It s like it s almost even though it s a big major league baseball team.
7
SPEAKER_01
It s like when you go to the game It s like Josh, but you don t even a ticket dude.
7
SPEAKER_01
Come walk in the back door walk in with us like so cool and now and then Steve goes I m gonna let you redeem yourself
7
SPEAKER_01
In the baseball season, he goes, I m gonna let you redeem yourself, okay?
7
SPEAKER_01
I was just at the game, and he goes, here s what we ll do.
7
SPEAKER_01
He goes, it looks like rain.
7
SPEAKER_01
He was like, if there s a rain delay, I m gonna give you the mic, I m gonna put you on the jumbotron, and you do five minutes.
7
SPEAKER_01
I said, you want me to do five minutes to cold, wet Mets fans that are angry about the team not playing?
7
SPEAKER_01
He was like, do you want to redeem yourself or not?
7
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, I ll do it.
7
SPEAKER_01
So we have, I think it s on my Instagram somewhere.
7
SPEAKER_01
So we have, I m wearing dude, the worst shirt, like a floral printed, stupid shirt.
7
SPEAKER_01
My friends, I was sitting in the owner s suite, right?
7
SPEAKER_01
My friends are diehard Mets fans.
7
SPEAKER_01
They were sitting in the stands for this.
7
SPEAKER_01
They didn t know this was happening.
7
SPEAKER_01
So the rain delay comes, they have the Mets announcer, again, who messes up my name, call me Chris Destalopoulos.
7
SPEAKER_01
I ll never forget that.
7
SPEAKER_01
She goes, Chris Destalopoulos.
7
SPEAKER_01
She goes, I was going to do a few minutes of comedy for you.
7
SPEAKER_01
So, and then the camera s just on me and I m still, I don t even have a mic.
7
SPEAKER_01
They had, you know, one of those mics that you pin to your shirt.
7
SPEAKER_01
So I had that.
7
SPEAKER_01
So I was like doing that bit where I was like, and I m bombing.
7
SPEAKER_01
Horrifically, horrifically bombing!
7
SPEAKER_01
Oh my god!
7
SPEAKER_01
So I m bombing in front of, you know, 30,000, where when I got- Steve Cohen, by the way, and his friends are dying, dying laughing because they knew that that was going to happen.
7
SPEAKER_01
And then Steve goes, he goes, you re all right, man.
7
SPEAKER_01
You re good.
7
SPEAKER_00
You re all right.
7
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, thanks.
7
SPEAKER_01
And then I got all these texts and my friends, my boy, Pat was like, dude, I was in the stands for that.
7
SPEAKER_01
Like, you know, we re huddled under, he goes, you were bombing.
7
SPEAKER_01
He goes, I heard multiple people say they were going to unfollow you on Instagram for this shit.
7
SPEAKER_01
And he goes, it was so bad.
7
SPEAKER_01
He goes, it was literally so bad.
7
SPEAKER_01
He said there was a little kid started to cry.
7
SPEAKER_01
It was horrific.
7
SPEAKER_01
And he goes, and your shirt fucking sucked.
7
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, and so, so it was one of those moments, but I say all that to say, that s why I wear the Met shirt.
7
SPEAKER_01
I m New York first and the Cohen family is awesome.
7
SPEAKER_01
And the Mets are awesome.
7
SPEAKER_01
And, and, and yeah, it was, it was like one of those things where a good thing turned, a bad thing turned into a good thing.
7
SPEAKER_01
You know?
7
SPEAKER_01
Dude, it s it was dude bombing like Joe the one in Citi Field was worse I mean that was worse because not only like I was in the control room When did you how but between knowing you were gonna have to do it and doing it how much time was it?
7
SPEAKER_01
Less than five minutes.
7
SPEAKER_01
Oh my god, Jamie.
7
SPEAKER_01
Is there a way if you could like Chris DeStefano?
7
SPEAKER_01
Mets game bombing flower shirt.
7
SPEAKER_01
I put it on my Instagram.
7
SPEAKER_01
I don t know if you d be able to find it, but my abs but dude, it was it was
7
SPEAKER_01
And you know what was the worst part is I was sitting in the control room That s where they had me go live from and I was bombing for the people in the control room They were just like looking at me and then they were still doing the thing like when are we back from rain delay?
7
SPEAKER_01
I was like doing a bit like, you know Like doing like a clean bit and they were like what it was it is the storm coming in not listening and then at one point that I was in the middle of my bit and the guy was like buddy
7
SPEAKER_01
I m listening to the MLB and I was like, oh my god, and I fucking ate it But they were but you know, they were pretty nice to me They ve been pretty nice to me but it was it was bad and my friend Josh tells me he goes yeah, dude, like I ve You ve ate you ve eaten it as bad as you can eat it
7
SPEAKER_01
Then they had me come out for a fundraiser.
7
SPEAKER_01
This was like in a comedy club.
7
SPEAKER_01
I fucking bombed that.
7
SPEAKER_01
And I was just like- In a comedy club?
7
SPEAKER_01
Not a comedy club.
7
SPEAKER_01
It was like a, it was the Paramount Theater.
7
SPEAKER_01
It was like a fundraiser, but I had come out as that classic thing where the one comic they have that nobody knows about comes out.
7
SPEAKER_01
And I came out right after the video of the fundraiser for the kids with cancer and the mom and dad who lost their child to cancer.
7
SPEAKER_01
And then I have to come out
7
SPEAKER_01
And just be like let s forget about that and do this And so and then they had these polar bears on stage that were like raffled off They re like a thousand dollar stuffed animal polar bears for pete alonzo They call them the polar bears the best player on the mets and I didn t know that so I was bombing so hard for the thing I just started throwing these polar bears into the crowd just to be funny And they were like that was five thousand dollars worth of raffle gifts.
7
SPEAKER_01
You just threw into the crowd now and I was like, um
7
SPEAKER_01
Sorry, I don t know what to do.
7
SPEAKER_01
And then they were like, well, I don t know, like, you might have to pay for that.
7
SPEAKER_01
Like his, you know, and then and then I was like, all right, I mean, I guess if I have to do it, I m sorry.
7
SPEAKER_01
And then again, his dad was like, fuck it, dude.
7
SPEAKER_01
It s polar bears.
7
SPEAKER_01
Just let him keep it.
7
SPEAKER_01
He was like, it was he was like, that might have been the worst one of all three.
7
SPEAKER_01
I was like, thanks.
7
SPEAKER_00
Oh, boy.
7
SPEAKER_01
But they still like me.
7
SPEAKER_00
You gotta say no to some gigs.
7
SPEAKER_01
I do now.
7
SPEAKER_00
Now I do.
7
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, you can t do that.
7
SPEAKER_00
Now I do.
7
SPEAKER_00
You can t do either one of those three things.
7
SPEAKER_00
You can t go on after a video about kids with cancer.
7
SPEAKER_00
You can t go on during a rain delay when people don t know a comedian s coming.
7
SPEAKER_00
And you re talking into this thing and then they re in you can t do that You can t do a guy s birthday party with all the billionaires birthday party with no mic.
7
SPEAKER_00
Yep They don t know you re coming and they don t know who you are.
7
SPEAKER_01
You can t do either of those things Yeah, I wouldn t I wouldn t now but back then I mean it was uh, how long ago is this?
7
SPEAKER_01
the pandemic, so 20, it s like 2021, like where I ll start to open up a little bit.
7
SPEAKER_01
So that s, and now, and how about this?
7
SPEAKER_01
Now, because I ve, you know, this is what I don t like.
7
SPEAKER_01
Now, you know, because I m, Mets, I just like the Mets.
7
SPEAKER_01
I like New York, but because I ve talked about the Mets and went to Mets games, the Yankees people used to give me tickets, won t give me tickets to the game anymore.
7
SPEAKER_01
They said, you re either with them or us.
7
SPEAKER_01
I was like, that s kind of a dickish move.
7
SPEAKER_01
You won t let me go to Yankee games, you know, I won t give you tickets anymore They say you re either with them or yeah I used to be like my thing is what I ve always cared about is like I want to be like I love New York, right?
7
SPEAKER_01
I want to be the New York like a Colin Quinn.
7
SPEAKER_01
That s a man.
7
SPEAKER_01
I look up to Colin He s the New York comic Dave Attell.
7
SPEAKER_01
These are the guys right?
7
SPEAKER_01
So that s the aspiration So like going to the sporting events and people be like Chrissy like all that stuff is means everything to me I mean, I want to sell out Milwaukee too, but it s not it s
7
SPEAKER_01
If it happens, yeah.
7
SPEAKER_01
No, no, that s not it.
7
SPEAKER_01
That s not it.
7
SPEAKER_01
That s just me being an asshole.
7
SPEAKER_01
That wasn t it.
7
SPEAKER_01
Go back to, this must have been 21 or 22.
7
SPEAKER_01
I m sorry, if you have somewhere.
7
SPEAKER_00
Jamie will find it.
7
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
7
SPEAKER_00
Jamie will find it.
7
SPEAKER_01
It s me on the jumbo.
7
SPEAKER_01
It s like I m on the jumbotron with a floral print shirt.
7
SPEAKER_01
I look like a real asshole.
7
SPEAKER_01
But yeah, they won t, you know, like... That s crazy with the Yankees.
7
SPEAKER_01
They won t do it.
7
SPEAKER_01
It doesn t make any sense.
7
SPEAKER_01
They won t do it.
7
SPEAKER_01
That s silly.
7
SPEAKER_01
But so, whatever, I just deal with it.
7
SPEAKER_01
I still root for them.
7
SPEAKER_00
They re not even the same league.
7
SPEAKER_00
It s dumb.
7
SPEAKER_00
It s dumb.
7
SPEAKER_00
One s American League, one s National League.
7
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
7
SPEAKER_00
Mets are National League, right?
7
SPEAKER_00
So what is that?
7
SPEAKER_00
That doesn t make any sense.
7
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
7
SPEAKER_01
I mean, cause you know, you just deal with it.
7
SPEAKER_01
But what s the beautiful thing about comedy is, you know, when you put out the comedy work or the podcast is the players, the actual Yankee players, Anthony Rizzo, these guys, they ve reached out and been like, oh, I like that bit.
7
SPEAKER_01
So they re like, text me if you want tickets.
7
SPEAKER_01
So that s good now.
7
SPEAKER_01
They ll let you in.
7
SPEAKER_01
So they ll let me in.
7
SPEAKER_01
But these, you know, the PR people who would give you the nice tickets, that s not happening anymore for the Yankees.
7
SPEAKER_01
For the Mets, the Mets were like, dude, we ll give you fucking dirt from the field, whatever you want.
7
SPEAKER_01
So I kind of, you know, you go to where you re wanted, right?
7
SPEAKER_01
That s just a normal life thing.
7
SPEAKER_00
Sure.
7
SPEAKER_00
Go where you re wanted.
7
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
7
SPEAKER_00
Mets people are rebels.
7
SPEAKER_00
Rebels, dude.
7
SPEAKER_00
But so, um, but it was, uh, cause like people don t even think about the Mets outside of New York.
7
SPEAKER_00
No, people think like the Yankees.
7
SPEAKER_00
Like if you think about New York baseball, Yankees.
7
SPEAKER_00
That s what everybody thinks outside of New York.
7
SPEAKER_01
But in New York, it s the only place where people care about the Mets.
7
SPEAKER_01
And you know what?
7
SPEAKER_01
The Mets, I would say, the Mets fan base is a more rabid fan base than the Yankees.
7
SPEAKER_01
The Mets, the Mets are, they will follow you anywhere.
7
SPEAKER_00
Mets fans.
7
SPEAKER_00
Like Chicago.
7
SPEAKER_00
Cubs.
7
SPEAKER_00
The Cubs.
7
SPEAKER_00
Everybody loves the Cubs.
7
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
7
SPEAKER_00
Even though they couldn t win, everybody still loved the Cubs.
7
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, everyone loves the Cubs.
7
SPEAKER_01
This edible s hitting me, by the way.
7
SPEAKER_01
Chicago has the White Sox, too, though, right?
7
SPEAKER_01
The White Sox, but they re kind of in the not-good part of town, supposedly, and the White Sox fans, like the Cubs, it s the Cubs are the Yankees in that city.
7
SPEAKER_01
And then the White Sox, the Mets?
7
SPEAKER_01
The White Sox would be the Mets.
7
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
7
SPEAKER_01
So it s kind of like, it s kind of that thing.
7
SPEAKER_00
Not a whole lot of cities have two teams.
7
SPEAKER_00
How many cities have two teams?
7
SPEAKER_01
In baseball?
7
SPEAKER_01
Well, the Dodgers and the Angels, but the Angels are so far outside, but that s one.
7
SPEAKER_01
Anaheim, right?
7
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
7
SPEAKER_01
New York and Chicago.
7
SPEAKER_01
That s really all I can think of.
7
SPEAKER_01
And same with basketball.
7
SPEAKER_01
Like, you know, like nobody really cares about the Brooklyn Nets.
7
SPEAKER_01
It s all about the Knicks.
7
SPEAKER_00
But LA is just the Dodgers.
8
SPEAKER_00
Anaheim is a different spot.
8
SPEAKER_00
Right.
8
SPEAKER_00
That s almost like San Diego.
8
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it s fine.
8
SPEAKER_00
You know?
8
SPEAKER_00
Anaheim s far.
8
SPEAKER_00
San Diego s got a team too, though.
8
SPEAKER_00
They do, yeah.
8
SPEAKER_00
The Padres, baby.
8
SPEAKER_00
The San Diego Fathers.
8
SPEAKER_00
I love San Diego.
8
SPEAKER_00
Me too.
8
SPEAKER_00
I heard San Diego s fucked now, though.
8
SPEAKER_00
What?
8
SPEAKER_00
I thought San Diego- My friends who used to live there say it s fucked.
8
SPEAKER_00
They went back, it s fucking tense everywhere, chaos.
8
SPEAKER_01
Really?
8
SPEAKER_01
Because I thought they were like the American Freedom First type Southern California city.
8
SPEAKER_00
That s interesting.
8
SPEAKER_00
Well, there s a lot of military there.
8
SPEAKER_00
I mean, that s the base of that.
8
SPEAKER_00
Right.
8
SPEAKER_00
Navy SEALs, right?
8
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
8
SPEAKER_00
There s a lot of bases there.
8
SPEAKER_00
We did UFCs down there.
8
SPEAKER_00
Because it was always a place where there s military bases, a lot of military.
8
SPEAKER_00
But then there s always fucking weirdos, you know?
8
SPEAKER_00
Like, Southern California, you know?
8
SPEAKER_00
And there s more of them than there are the military people.
8
SPEAKER_00
And they vote in shitty politicians.
8
SPEAKER_00
And then they let tents and all that shit happen.
8
SPEAKER_00
How bad is San Diego now?
8
SPEAKER_00
I heard it.
8
SPEAKER_00
My buddy who just got back there, I mean, he said it was fucking awful.
8
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, if they have the tents, that s no good.
8
SPEAKER_00
He used to live there and he bailed.
8
SPEAKER_00
They realized, like, during the pandemic, we gotta get the fuck out of here.
8
SPEAKER_01
Dude, my fucking feet are numb now.
8
SPEAKER_01
From what?
8
SPEAKER_01
The edible, dude.
8
SPEAKER_01
I m telling you, I can t.
8
SPEAKER_01
It just hits me.
8
SPEAKER_01
I don t know if it s what it is, but it s my feet are numb.
8
SPEAKER_01
Don t think about it.
8
SPEAKER_01
You think about yourself a lot.
8
SPEAKER_01
Which is selfish and narcissistic, and I don t like it about myself.
8
SPEAKER_00
Can you just stop doing it while it s happening?
8
SPEAKER_00
Or does it overcome you?
8
SPEAKER_00
But that s why I was thinking that maybe you needed another thing to think about Like another thing that you re into like a thing that s like totally non career related like a like, um, you know Like painting or cooking.
8
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
8
SPEAKER_00
Yeah something.
8
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I m where you really get into that thing We think about that thing and like being better at that thing.
8
SPEAKER_00
What about playing basketball again?
8
SPEAKER_00
Sure.
8
SPEAKER_00
That s a great one That s also a good one too because it s physical
8
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, you know and I think the things that are that you get into that are physical require even more because it requires not just Thinking yeah, but it requires like execution.
8
SPEAKER_01
There s like a physical thing that you have to do Yeah, I was gonna do boxing a few years ago And then the very first day I was there a guy got into the ring and sparred and he was you know kind of being really like You know
8
SPEAKER_01
Macho guy and he was like, I m not wearing a cup and the trainer was like we should you know, he should wear a cup He s like I m not doing it.
8
SPEAKER_01
I m not wearing a cup.
8
SPEAKER_01
I m not wearing it He got hit in the nuts and his testicle came out of the scrotum.
8
SPEAKER_01
So that was my first 20 minutes there So I was like, I m probably not gonna do this Even though I know that that s not most likely gonna happen to me because I would wear the cup but I was like I just was like, you know what if you see a man s testicle fall out of his nutsack and
8
SPEAKER_01
You re probably not going to go back to do that thing just because you re just you know, it just gives you it makes you uncomfortable But that s what happened to me.
8
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, but I do want to I do I do envy I do feel Like I don t I should know about MMA because not only is it such a cool sport you can defend yourself also in the comedy community
8
SPEAKER_01
It s big.
8
SPEAKER_01
I mean, the only fight I ever went to was a PFL fight, that league, at the theater at Madison Square Garden.
8
SPEAKER_01
And the fans, they were, you know, I had never been, I don t know anything about MMA.
8
SPEAKER_01
It was a lot of recognition from the pods, because they were like, it s all one community.
8
SPEAKER_01
And so I was like, this could be my golf.
8
SPEAKER_01
This should be my golf.
8
SPEAKER_01
This is what you should get into, not comparing that.
8
SPEAKER_01
I mean.
8
SPEAKER_00
That would be very good for your anxiety, though, for sure.
8
SPEAKER_00
Because it s very difficult.
8
SPEAKER_00
So it makes the rest of the day a lot easier.
8
SPEAKER_01
Because when I tried one jujitsu class, and I felt like I don t even know how I don t blow out my knee.
8
SPEAKER_01
It s a statistical impossibility I won t blow out my knee.
8
SPEAKER_01
I m going to, of course, this guy s going to follow me, and I m going to blow out my knee.
8
SPEAKER_01
But do you just deal with that and say, I ll get over that?
8
SPEAKER_01
Or you just learn ways to not blow out your knee?
8
SPEAKER_00
Well, I ve had my knee blown out.
8
SPEAKER_00
I ve had three knee operations.
8
SPEAKER_01
So I m just going to have to accept that if I want to move forward in MMA, you re going to blow your knee out.
8
SPEAKER_00
Not necessarily.
8
SPEAKER_00
You could also strengthen your knees to make sure that it doesn t happen as often.
8
SPEAKER_00
There s a lot of stuff you could do to mitigate that.
8
SPEAKER_00
Also, just roll cautiously and be smart about it and don t roll with crazy people.
8
SPEAKER_00
You see wild people that are just like way too aggressive and explosive and they just do it in a haphazard way.
8
SPEAKER_00
Don t fuck with those people.
8
SPEAKER_01
So you, because it s become second nature to you how to do these things, but someone like me who has a bit of fear just from being older and not doing it, like my father learned how to drive when he was 45, so he s just a terrible driver and can t drive, even though he s not scared of life stuff, he s gotten to fist fight stuff, but he s like, I can t drive.
8
SPEAKER_01
I learned how to drive when I was 17, I ll drive with one arm, I m in control.
8
SPEAKER_01
So I feel like that way with MMA, it s like now I ve developed all these bad things that can, you think,
8
SPEAKER_01
And I m like, I can t do this.
8
SPEAKER_01
I can t even get into this.
8
SPEAKER_00
The thing about MMA, if you want to get involved in that, and the same thing is if boxing, the thing is getting hit.
8
SPEAKER_00
And getting hit is not a small thing.
8
SPEAKER_00
It s a big thing.
8
SPEAKER_00
And it s a bigger thing than people want to pretend it is.
8
SPEAKER_00
Getting hit in the head is really bad.
8
SPEAKER_00
And you re going to get hit in the head.
8
SPEAKER_00
And you re going to get hit in the head quite a bit in the beginning because you re not good.
8
SPEAKER_00
And people, especially if someone is sparring you and it gets aggressive, and you re going to get hurt.
8
SPEAKER_00
And that s just fact.
8
SPEAKER_00
That s just if you, especially if you re sparring.
8
SPEAKER_00
Now, if you re just learning skills, you can just learn skills with people.
8
SPEAKER_00
If you have a really good place that they can show you how to hit mitts, you can hit the bag, you get a great workout, and you don t actually spar.
8
SPEAKER_00
Or if you do spar, you spar with an instructor who s going to be very gentle.
8
SPEAKER_00
So they re just going to be touching you.
8
SPEAKER_00
They re just going to be tapping you and explaining that you don t have to hit hard.
8
SPEAKER_00
You just have to use technique.
8
SPEAKER_00
When you hit hard, hit the bag.
8
SPEAKER_00
You re not a professional.
8
SPEAKER_00
about taking on fights.
8
SPEAKER_00
There s no reason for you to get busted up.
8
SPEAKER_00
Let s just work on your skills.
8
SPEAKER_00
Got it.
8
SPEAKER_01
So in some ways then it s like my fear of getting over anesthesia when I got the colonoscopy.
8
SPEAKER_01
You just got to get hit a little bit and you ll get over the fear.
8
SPEAKER_01
You ll understand you can accept it.
8
SPEAKER_00
The problem is like if you re sparring with another guy and you and the other like he hits you with a jab and then you hit him with a jab and he hits you a little harder like this guy s hitting hard.
8
SPEAKER_00
Then you start hitting each other hard and next thing, you know, you re fighting that happens all the time God, it s all the time.
8
SPEAKER_01
So sparring oftentimes turns into like a real fight Yes with big gloves and pads on and I ve only ever been in two fistfights my whole life my first fistfight I punched this kid Glenn in the face thinking I m gonna knock him off his bicycle and I ll win and he didn t even move a muscle and then he beat the shit out of me and
8
SPEAKER_01
And then the second fight I got into was just like a bar brawl, and I got hit, but I got hit like in the back shoulder.
8
SPEAKER_01
Wasn t too bad, and then I just kind of, I never really got beat up.
8
SPEAKER_01
Hard, like, you know, like I never.
8
SPEAKER_00
Well, it s not necessary.
8
SPEAKER_00
You don t have to get beat up.
8
SPEAKER_00
But just learning how to defend yourself would just help, for sure, help anxiety.
8
SPEAKER_00
And it s like, for a lot of people, it s like meditation.
8
SPEAKER_00
It s like medication, in fact, for a lot of people.
8
SPEAKER_00
And jiu-jitsu is a really good one because there s a possibility of you getting injured.
8
SPEAKER_00
With any combat sport, it s a possibility of you getting injured.
8
SPEAKER_00
But jiu-jitsu, at least you re not getting hit.
8
SPEAKER_00
Jiu-jitsu is clenching and choke holds and arm bars and leg locks and stuff, but you can learn those things.
8
SPEAKER_00
And if you do it with a good school that has a good ethic about them, you can do it pretty safe.
8
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, because I m a person, you know, we talk about it, we get excited about it, but sometimes I don t put these things into practice, even though I know stand-up is, you re doing a diff, we re doing difficult things here, but other things I m like, like for example, when I, you know, in the middle of the pandemic or whatever, 2022, sometime around there, I got nervous about, I gotta, I don t know how to fight, I gotta defend my house, and there was at times talks of,
8
SPEAKER_01
Some type of what if a nuclear bomb went off here because things are getting tight with Russia before they invaded Ukraine so I came home one day with a night vision goggles a 30-day supply of powdered fettuccine alfredo and a gun and I don t know how to use the gun I an iodine tablets and so I did all these things and then I was like well now what my family was laughing at me like what what is any of this stuff gonna do you can t do any of this shit and
8
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, you re right.
8
SPEAKER_01
And I kind of just made a decision, but I don t put things into practice.
8
SPEAKER_01
So I wanna make a choice to say, if you re gonna talk about it, then do it.
8
SPEAKER_01
Go do MMA, go try it.
8
SPEAKER_01
Is there a place that you could go to that you know about?
8
SPEAKER_01
Well, there s that Grace, I live 15 minutes from Midtown, and the place that Anthony Bourdain was always in.
8
SPEAKER_01
Henzel Gracie s?
8
SPEAKER_01
Yes, the main headquarters, right there.
8
SPEAKER_01
Great place.
8
SPEAKER_01
And I always see guys walking in and out of there.
8
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, go there.
8
SPEAKER_01
dripping sweat.
8
SPEAKER_01
You re close to that?
8
SPEAKER_01
15 minutes.
8
SPEAKER_01
Go there.
8
SPEAKER_01
That s the spot.
8
SPEAKER_00
Go there.
8
SPEAKER_00
Go take classes.
8
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
8
SPEAKER_01
Perfect place to go.
8
SPEAKER_01
And that s the workout for the day.
8
SPEAKER_01
That s the hardest workout that you ll ever do.
8
SPEAKER_00
Very hard.
8
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
8
SPEAKER_00
Very hard.
8
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
8
SPEAKER_00
And it s good for your brain.
8
SPEAKER_00
The thing about it is it s really good for your head because it s so difficult that it really does make the rest of life s difficulties easier.
8
SPEAKER_00
Because it s a safe, controlled, difficult.
8
SPEAKER_00
Like, there s like, if a guy gets you in a chokehold, and you re trying to fight out of it, you can t, you could tap.
8
SPEAKER_00
And then you go right back to training again.
8
SPEAKER_00
And I won t be made fun of, that I m 30.
8
SPEAKER_00
No.
8
SPEAKER_00
Like an old... No, they ll encourage you.
8
SPEAKER_00
They ll welcome you.
8
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, a lot of people get into it in their 40s.
8
SPEAKER_00
Bourdain didn t even start until he was in his 50s.
8
SPEAKER_00
What?
8
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
8
SPEAKER_00
Like, Bourdain was like 62 when he died, I think?
8
SPEAKER_00
Is that how old he was?
8
SPEAKER_00
I m not sure.
8
SPEAKER_00
How old was he, Jamie?
9
SPEAKER_01
I think he got into Jiu-Jitsu when he was 58.
9
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
9
SPEAKER_01
Damn.
9
SPEAKER_01
So, when I did his show, I did one of the episodes of his show, we went pheasant hunting in Montana together.
9
SPEAKER_01
So, flew to Montana, and Bourdain and I, and he s talking about D Arce jokes.
9
SPEAKER_01
And like, we re in the middle, like, we re out there pheasant hunting.
9
SPEAKER_01
And then I go, do you know how to do a Japanese necktie?
9
SPEAKER_01
And he goes, what s that?
9
SPEAKER_01
And I go, when you re going for the D Arce, sometimes you can t get the D Arce, but you can get the Japanese necktie.
9
SPEAKER_01
Let me show you.
9
SPEAKER_01
So, we re on the ground, on the fucking ground, and I m showing him, okay,
9
SPEAKER_01
Now you got this.
9
SPEAKER_01
Once you got this here, you re always looking for this, right?
9
SPEAKER_01
Because that s the dars.
9
SPEAKER_01
I go, but from here, I m going to tuck your head into my chest and I m just going to roll on my right shoulder.
9
SPEAKER_01
And he s like, ah!
9
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it s fucked right Wow on my left shoulder.
9
SPEAKER_01
I go.
9
SPEAKER_01
That s the Japanese necktie, so I m explaining him the Japanese necktie on the ground That s great camera crew is there and shit, and I m like go ahead try it on me now He s got his friend Josh is Josh is doing jiu-jitsu too is like get in here, so he did here now from here So this is a piece of Josh s a big guy I was like it s hard to get this through right, but you don t have to get this through once you get this clamp I just want you to tuck that head and then roll on this shoulder, and they re like oh shit oh
9
SPEAKER_01
So we were like rolling around the dirt in Montana.
9
SPEAKER_01
That s how into it what he was today.
9
SPEAKER_01
I cared about they should know That d be sick.
9
SPEAKER_01
It was just us shooting birds and eating him.
9
SPEAKER_01
It was really fun.
9
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, really fun experience He was a fucking fascinating when I watched I always watch if it s on the plane though It s documentary Roadrunner that they made I think after hit after he passed away and it was amazing He said something once where he was like, you know
9
SPEAKER_00
I, because sometimes I think about this, uh, you know, when you get a little older, even though I m not super old, but you start to think like, hey, are my best years behind me?
9
SPEAKER_00
Like what, you know, what, what is life?
9
SPEAKER_00
What s the next things?
9
SPEAKER_00
And I heard him say, he was like, you know, when I, he only became famous or like people knew his name and read his book when he was 43 years old.
9
SPEAKER_00
He said, so I was sitting there at 42 years old thinking,
9
SPEAKER_00
whatever, all my fun, all my drug days, all my wild, it s all over.
9
SPEAKER_00
I m in the back half of my life now, and this is what life s gonna be.
9
SPEAKER_00
He goes, and I didn t realize that it was gonna be the next 20 years of my life that would be me, be the best years of my life.
9
SPEAKER_00
And I never heard someone talk about it that way.
9
SPEAKER_00
It was like, I know we know, that you never know what tomorrow holds, or our whole lives can change in an instant.
9
SPEAKER_00
But sometimes, I can t help but feel like, oh,
9
SPEAKER_00
I m coming into my 40s now.
9
SPEAKER_00
But when I heard Bourdain, I was like, oh, that s a very hopeful thing.
9
SPEAKER_01
There s no roadmap for everybody.
9
SPEAKER_01
And sometimes the more interesting people are the people that lived their entire lives never thinking they were going to be famous, and then became famous.
9
SPEAKER_01
Like Jordan Peterson is a great example of that.
9
SPEAKER_01
He was a professor, just like it was opposed to this bill that would
9
SPEAKER_01
cause people to have to be forced, mandated to use a bunch of made-up gender pronouns.
9
SPEAKER_01
And he s like, this is crazy.
9
SPEAKER_01
You can t allow this.
9
SPEAKER_01
This is just going to spiral and it s going to snowball into something else.
9
SPEAKER_01
So he becomes famous in his 40s, which is a very difficult thing for people to deal with.
9
SPEAKER_00
Almost impossible.
9
SPEAKER_00
It s possible.
9
SPEAKER_00
Morgan Freeman is the only other one.
9
SPEAKER_00
And Rodney Dangerfield are the only other two big names that I know.
9
SPEAKER_01
Rodney s a big one.
9
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
9
SPEAKER_01
Rodney was a aluminum siding salesman, you know, wild.
9
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
9
SPEAKER_01
And he never stopped writing.
9
SPEAKER_01
Apparently he was writing jokes during that time, but he d quit doing comedy and just back to regular life.
9
SPEAKER_01
And then I said, fuck it, I m going back in.
9
SPEAKER_00
Right.
9
SPEAKER_01
And like back to school and all those movies.
9
SPEAKER_01
I mean, Rodney was
9
SPEAKER_01
Huge, it s crazy that like how many people are like that out there that could have made it and just didn t and just stopped just stopped or got Whatever demons they had got the best of them.
9
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, which is a lot of us.
9
SPEAKER_01
Yeah I mean, there s a lot of guys out there that have demons and their demon might be cocaine.
9
SPEAKER_01
They re dealing alcohol
9
SPEAKER_01
Gambling whatever it is.
9
SPEAKER_00
There s like a demon that gets people and just gets you and it s also timing right place right time I didn t know this about sports But like, you know, like the same way like we know funny funny funny people That just never really made it for whatever reason it actually happens in sports, too I thought sports being objective was being like, oh the best player will get discovered but it s like no you got and have the right connections you got to play in the right tournaments to get noticed by the
9
SPEAKER_00
Professional teams and there s there s players.
9
SPEAKER_00
There s there s a guy out there who would have been as good as you know The Michael Jordan the Kobe s of the world, but he just never made it.
9
SPEAKER_00
He never got in front of the right people It s also a discipline thing.
9
SPEAKER_01
Mm-hmm, like sometimes sometimes people are very very talented, right?
9
SPEAKER_01
and they really could be amazing, but they just because talent sometimes can fuck you and
9
SPEAKER_01
Because if you re really talented, you don t have to work as hard.
9
SPEAKER_01
If you re better than everybody else, you can kind of half-ass things, and you can get through things without even training.
9
SPEAKER_01
Like, Jon Jones is so talented.
9
SPEAKER_01
He defended his title against Alexander Gustafson, who s, like, one of the best guys ever in the light heavyweight division, and didn t even train for it.
9
SPEAKER_01
Didn t even train for it.
9
SPEAKER_01
And won.
9
SPEAKER_01
And it was the hardest fight of his career, because he was getting beat up in the first few rounds, and he pulled it off in the last two rounds.
9
SPEAKER_01
That s when he won the decision.
9
SPEAKER_01
It was a crazy fight.
9
SPEAKER_01
First time he s ever been taken down.
9
SPEAKER_01
I mean, he got busted up, got a big cut over his eyes, eye was swollen up.
9
SPEAKER_01
But he s so talented that he s able to beat one of the best guys in the division without even training.
9
SPEAKER_01
Then he has a rematch with him later where he says, now I m going to fucking train.
9
SPEAKER_01
And he just annihilates him.
9
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it s crazy.
9
SPEAKER_00
I ve heard that he s the most talented one, people argue, of all the fighters.
9
SPEAKER_00
He s very arguable.
9
SPEAKER_01
He s certainly the most accomplished.
9
SPEAKER_01
He s beaten every single person he s ever faced, except there s only one loss that he has, and it s a disqualification in a fight that he was dominating.
9
SPEAKER_01
The Gustafsson fight was close though, but he didn t even train.
9
SPEAKER_01
There were fighters that he was fighting where he was so much better than everybody that the way they would describe it is like he was playing with his food.
9
SPEAKER_01
He wasn t threatened by them, so he wasn t fighting to the best of his ability.
9
SPEAKER_00
So does a guy like John Jones, you think, have some type of fear in the ring?
9
SPEAKER_00
Or do you kind of lose that when you become a guy of his level at this stuff?
9
SPEAKER_01
I think you re always going to have some doubts and thoughts that enter into your head.
9
SPEAKER_01
But a guy who s that dominant knows how to dominate those thoughts, knows how to overcome them.
9
SPEAKER_01
You don t let them in.
9
SPEAKER_01
You re going to have anxiety.
9
SPEAKER_01
You re going to have nerves.
9
SPEAKER_01
But you just don t let them in.
9
SPEAKER_01
Some guys don t have nerves.
9
SPEAKER_01
Like Justin Gaethje says he doesn t get any nerves.
9
SPEAKER_01
He says, it kind of freaks me out.
9
SPEAKER_01
I get in there and I m not even nervous.
9
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, but that s interesting because you could be killed by some of these high-level guys, right?
9
SPEAKER_00
Even the best fighters, it s possible you get a hit in the head the wrong way.
9
SPEAKER_01
Well, that s one of the crazy things that Justin says is when he goes to fights, he never plans anything for after the fight because he doesn t assume he s going to be alive.
9
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
9
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
9
SPEAKER_00
That s pretty deep.
9
SPEAKER_01
Well, that s how he fights too.
9
SPEAKER_01
That s really how he fights.
9
SPEAKER_00
That s interesting.
9
SPEAKER_00
I respect that a lot.
9
SPEAKER_01
He s a psycho.
9
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
9
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
9
SPEAKER_01
He s born for it.
9
SPEAKER_00
Well, yeah, it s the human brain s a funny thing.
9
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I don t feel one ounce of anxiety on stage, whether I m bombing, doing well.
9
SPEAKER_00
Zero.
9
SPEAKER_00
Always been that way.
9
SPEAKER_00
Zero.
9
SPEAKER_01
So it s all offstage.
9
SPEAKER_00
After the fact, before the leading up, and after is where all the anxiety hits me, or, you know, really would spin me out of control, I m better at controlling it now, but on stage, I mean, truly zero.
9
SPEAKER_00
Like, I literally was having so much anxiety, I told you I sold my house because of Radio City, and then I was on stage at Radio City, and not an ounce of anxiety.
9
SPEAKER_00
The unfortunate thing is, as much as people tell me,
9
SPEAKER_00
Be in the moment for these big things, slow it down, all that.
9
SPEAKER_00
I tell myself I m doing it, but I never have any memory of it, and I never kind of, you know, take over the night.
9
SPEAKER_00
Like I did Radio City, people are like, what d you do after?
9
SPEAKER_00
Where was the after party?
9
SPEAKER_00
Where d you go?
9
SPEAKER_00
I said I was in bed.
9
SPEAKER_00
at eleven o clock with my family.
9
SPEAKER_00
I was in bed.
9
SPEAKER_00
The show ended at nine.
9
SPEAKER_00
I was in bed at eleven on the night, my biggest night.
9
SPEAKER_00
And I don t know why.
9
SPEAKER_00
That s just how I that s just how I am.
9
SPEAKER_00
There s nothing wrong with that.
9
SPEAKER_00
No.
9
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
9
SPEAKER_01
There s nothing wrong with like just
9
SPEAKER_01
going on with your life, you don t have to celebrate.
9
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it s not necessarily a bad thing.
9
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, but like, you ve had, you know, so far, a very, very, very cool life.
9
SPEAKER_00
Do you feel, though, at times, even you have FOMO, and are like, shit, I wish I would have did something else?
9
SPEAKER_00
No.
9
SPEAKER_00
You don t feel that anymore?
9
SPEAKER_00
Were you always that way, or you got to this way after, you know, just the mounting success?
9
SPEAKER_00
No, I genuinely don t think that way.
9
SPEAKER_01
From day one?
9
SPEAKER_01
No.
9
SPEAKER_01
One thing that I used to do when I was on Fear Factor, though, I would be jealous of guys that were on the road.
9
SPEAKER_01
Like, God, I wish I could go do the road right now.
9
SPEAKER_01
I just couldn t.
9
SPEAKER_01
The schedule was so hard.
9
SPEAKER_01
It was very difficult to just do just comedy.
9
SPEAKER_01
And the guys who were just doing comedy, I would admire that.
9
SPEAKER_01
Like, oh, God, I wish I could just do comedy.
9
SPEAKER_01
Because Fear Factor, as great of a job as it was, was a job.
9
SPEAKER_01
It was something I was doing just for money.
9
SPEAKER_01
I do stand-up for free.
9
SPEAKER_01
I do guest spots all the time for free.
9
SPEAKER_01
Just show up and do comedy for free.
9
SPEAKER_01
You work for free.
9
SPEAKER_01
But that s how comedy is.
9
SPEAKER_01
It s fun.
9
SPEAKER_01
We don t think about it.
9
SPEAKER_01
We enjoy doing it.
9
SPEAKER_01
We constantly are working out.
9
SPEAKER_01
If you re working out in the city, what are you getting for a spot?
9
SPEAKER_01
20 bucks?
9
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it s nothing.
9
SPEAKER_01
It s nonsense.
9
SPEAKER_01
You get a free drink at 20 bucks.
9
SPEAKER_01
You do need to work out.
9
SPEAKER_01
I give it to the waitress, you know?
9
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, for sure.
9
SPEAKER_01
The comedy store would always cost me money.
9
SPEAKER_01
What I pay out in tips, it would be way more than I would make for doing a set.
10
SPEAKER_01
I was one thing that always stuck with me when I was in eighth grade at the same time I had mono and my mom had gout so she no none of us could we just couldn t move I was fucking had mono and she couldn t move a foot so she got us cable television and we watched Cable and they would show reruns of Oprah the Oprah Winfrey show my mom would just watch it and I remember one day and it s like advice that just stuck in my head and
10
SPEAKER_01
Oprah was on, I think it was one of the first times she was on with Dr. Phil, Oprah was on and she said, you know, the thing about successes, real successful people, is the money always comes second.
10
SPEAKER_01
It s the passion first, and then the money comes second.
10
SPEAKER_01
If you reverse it and you go after the money first, you may get success, but there s a negative karmic energy attached to that money.
10
SPEAKER_01
So the only way to do it the right way is you go passion first and then the money will always come but it will come second and I I don t know I was like in a fever Mono dream and I just always remember and I was always stayed with me my whole life And that s why I brought up before I was like when I saw you kind of, you know hammering out your set I was like, oh shit.
10
SPEAKER_01
This is this is why it s the passion is there You couldn t pay him not pay him if you were at this level not at this level You d be still the guy hammering out the hour
10
SPEAKER_00
Which is dope.
10
SPEAKER_00
But that s if you have the ability to do that.
10
SPEAKER_00
Like what Oprah s saying is true, but it s easy for people to say that that have already been successful.
10
SPEAKER_00
That s like that whole secret thing.
10
SPEAKER_00
Remember the secret?
10
SPEAKER_00
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
10
SPEAKER_00
Where people are like, you just gotta manifest things and they ll happen.
10
SPEAKER_00
Have a vision board.
10
SPEAKER_00
Sort of, if you talk to successful people, they ll tell you that they probably did that.
10
SPEAKER_00
But they probably did a lot of things.
10
SPEAKER_00
That s one factor.
10
SPEAKER_00
And people want to pretend, people want to, excuse me.
10
SPEAKER_00
People want to pretend that it s insignificant.
10
SPEAKER_00
That s foolish.
10
SPEAKER_00
It is a factor.
10
SPEAKER_00
But the people want to pretend that it s the whole thing.
10
SPEAKER_00
That s foolish as well.
10
SPEAKER_00
Because you can t just manifest things.
10
SPEAKER_00
I remember we were at the comic store once and there was this lady that came to the store who was a friend of one of the comics.
10
SPEAKER_00
And she was telling me that she is following the secret.
10
SPEAKER_00
She s like, I have the secret now and now I know that I m going to be married to the person that I love and I m going to have an amazing career and all these different things.
10
SPEAKER_00
As I go I go so you re you re confident in this you re like sure this I think this was I don t know if I had seen the movie yet because I remember when I saw the movie I was like whoa these people are out of their fucking minds There s a lot more to it kids than just this right this you can t like you can t have a bunch of people just thinking They re gonna manifest themselves being a rock star.
10
SPEAKER_00
It s gonna happen
10
SPEAKER_00
I m gonna make it happen.
10
SPEAKER_00
No, there s a lot of things you have to do.
10
SPEAKER_00
There s a lot of work involved, a lot of learning.
10
SPEAKER_00
You gotta make mistakes and recover from those mistakes and do better and write better stuff and perform better and get better at... And you have to do stuff that people actually enjoy.
10
SPEAKER_00
So what do people enjoy about my work?
10
SPEAKER_00
What am I missing that other people have?
10
SPEAKER_00
There s a lot that goes on.
10
SPEAKER_00
It s not just, I wanna be a rock star, I m gonna make it happen.
10
SPEAKER_00
So this lady was telling this to me, and this was the only time I d ever met her, but we were all hanging out in the back of the Comedy Store, so she was out there for a couple hours, right?
10
SPEAKER_00
So then I saw her again like a year, two years later.
10
SPEAKER_00
I was doing a show at another club.
10
SPEAKER_00
And I ran into her outside.
10
SPEAKER_00
I go, hey, how you doing?
10
SPEAKER_00
She goes, last time we talked, we talked about the secret.
10
SPEAKER_00
And she goes, it s not been working.
10
SPEAKER_00
She s like, I don t understand.
10
SPEAKER_00
Her father was messing up her life.
10
SPEAKER_00
I don t know what was going on.
10
SPEAKER_00
And she s like, I haven t found that relationship, and my career isn t going well.
10
SPEAKER_00
And we had a very brief conversation.
10
SPEAKER_00
I was like, damn.
10
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, good to see you.
10
SPEAKER_00
Bye.
10
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, and I was leaving and I was gone and then I remember thinking like people that Thought that way that really believe you can hear that from a successful person.
10
SPEAKER_00
I just knew I had a vision I stuck with that vision.
10
SPEAKER_00
I made it happen So there was a lot of people running around during these days like the early 2000s that had this thing in their head Yeah, they could manifest a reality.
10
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, and I think it s become a popular thing especially in this culture where it s like
10
SPEAKER_01
You know, be a boss, be the best.
10
SPEAKER_01
It s like, that s not how society works.
10
SPEAKER_01
Society would crumble.
10
SPEAKER_01
You need people who don t want to do that.
10
SPEAKER_01
You need people who are saying, I m okay not being the boss.
10
SPEAKER_01
I m okay not being the best.
10
SPEAKER_01
You need that.
10
SPEAKER_00
Well, also, and I can tell you, like, in my own life, in doing this podcast specifically,
10
SPEAKER_00
I fucking never thought it was going to be what it is.
10
SPEAKER_00
I never even imagined it.
10
SPEAKER_00
I didn t want it to be.
10
SPEAKER_00
It never was a thought.
10
SPEAKER_00
It was never, I want this thing to be, I want to have 15 million subscribers.
10
SPEAKER_00
No, I never, never, not one time.
10
SPEAKER_00
The whole thought was, do your best.
10
SPEAKER_00
Who do you want to talk to?
10
SPEAKER_00
What s interesting?
10
SPEAKER_00
Have an interesting conversation.
10
SPEAKER_00
Stay in the moment.
10
SPEAKER_00
Just do your best.
10
SPEAKER_01
Well, and also, correct me if I m wrong, by the time you started your podcast, you were already successful, you were already the host, you were already kind of a household name, I m sure financially successful, so you didn t need it for the money.
10
SPEAKER_01
You were like, I just want to talk to my friends.
10
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I was just doing it for fun.
10
SPEAKER_01
Right.
10
SPEAKER_00
Because I always wanted a radio show.
10
SPEAKER_00
I m like, no one s going to give me a radio show.
10
SPEAKER_00
And also, I d probably swear.
10
SPEAKER_00
I d fuck it up.
10
SPEAKER_00
Right.
10
SPEAKER_00
And then there was XM.
10
SPEAKER_00
And back at the time, XM wasn t giving anybody any money.
10
SPEAKER_00
All their money was going to Howard Stern.
10
SPEAKER_00
Sirius, XM, whatever it is.
10
SPEAKER_00
I think it still is.
10
SPEAKER_00
It s a big thing.
10
SPEAKER_00
Do they still call it SiriusXM?
10
SPEAKER_01
It s still SiriusXM and I ve heard that it s just it s it s Howard s money.
10
SPEAKER_00
Well first of all if he leaves they re fucked.
10
SPEAKER_01
Oh yeah.
10
SPEAKER_00
Because that s like how many subscribers will bail when that guy leaves?
10
SPEAKER_01
Dude I did Howard Stern show
10
SPEAKER_01
three months ago, and I thought he wasn t in the room, but the way they have that set up is you really believe he s in the room, like almost like a hologram.
10
SPEAKER_01
They tricked you.
10
SPEAKER_01
Dude, I was talking to Howard Stern, but he was in Long Island or wherever he was, Florida, and I was in
10
SPEAKER_01
in the city.
10
SPEAKER_01
It was actually pretty crazy because, you know, it s Howard.
10
SPEAKER_01
It s like, it s a big, big, big deal.
10
SPEAKER_01
It s almost like a surreal.
10
SPEAKER_00
For a New Yorker, particularly.
10
SPEAKER_00
Of course, yeah.
10
SPEAKER_01
It s almost like a surreal thing.
10
SPEAKER_01
We re like, this is Howard Stern, what?
10
SPEAKER_01
And they told me, they were like, you re gonna go on for five minutes.
10
SPEAKER_01
So I was prepared to do that.
10
SPEAKER_01
They had a segment on there where they, I forgot what the name of it was, but you have to guess this guy s sexual fetish.
10
SPEAKER_01
And the guy s fetish was that he liked his nuts and dick nailed to the wall.
10
SPEAKER_01
That s what he was into.
10
SPEAKER_00
Jesus.
10
SPEAKER_01
Dick yes nailed to the wall nailed to the wall with a fucking nail gun It was that s that was when we have to guess it little by little So it was even stand for that he loved it, dude He would stick when he was a kid when he was a kid when he would get yelled at by his mom and daddy would stick um
10
SPEAKER_01
you know safety pins he would stick safety pins through his dick and balls like as a way to cope with it all oh my god oh my god that s so crazy yeah so you just ramp up from there oh my god rock hard he said by the way he was rock hard on the show when he was taping his nuts to the wall
10
SPEAKER_01
So we had to, we had to guess it.
10
SPEAKER_01
We had to guess it.
10
SPEAKER_01
And he was like, you know, it was like this thing where they were like, the producer were like, hey, he s going to talk to you for five minutes, just get to know you, your name, what do you do, comedy, you know, whatever.
10
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And then you re going to get into this segment.
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And I was like, okay, great.
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Baba Booey, Gary, you know, is the one who hooked it all up.
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And I was like, great, dude, five minutes.
10
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That s awesome.
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Like, excellent.
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And then, so we go, we re starting to talk.
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I don t know what I said.
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I said something stupid, and he started to laugh.
10
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And then he was like, wait a second, wait a second, wait a second.
10
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What is it?
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Who are you?
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And I was like, you know, on the show, I was like, hey, my name is what I do, blah, blah, blah, blah.
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We talked for like an hour and a half.
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I got like a real Howard Stern interview.
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And then we did the bit at the end.
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You know, I didn t have any good guesses.
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And then like 20 minutes later,
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I get a call from a random number and I pick up and he s like, hey, it s Howard.
10
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And I thought initially it was one of my friends doing like an impersonation, like, cause they knew I was on Howard, it happens live.
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And then he was like, no, it s me, it s Howard.
10
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He was like, man, that was great.
10
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He was like, you just, I don t know, like just whatever you re doing, just keep doing it.
10
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He was like, I was very engaged with that stuff, man.
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He was like, so good.
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And then I was like, okay, thanks.
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And then hung up and then,
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I was like, holy shit, did that really just fucking happen from comedy?
10
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And I felt really positive.
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I still feel really positive and great about that, but sometimes my brain can t hold on to that for too long, and then what will happen is we ll say, okay, well, let s balance it.
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let s Catholic guilt come in, let s balance it, and make ourselves not believe him in some way.
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You know what I mean?
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And so I hear from you a lot, you d be able to kind of take that confidence, which is a beautiful thing, and just kind of have it make you stronger and say, all right, I m gonna keep going up, where I look for a way down from it to balance.
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So I fight against that, but I m getting close.
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And I do think the next time I come on this podcast, I ll be fully gay.
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I ll be fully in okay.
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I don t I don t think too much about myself, right?
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I try to just think about life and I think about what I m trying
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trying to do, whatever thing I m trying to be good at.
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That s how I handle it.
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I think dwelling too much about yourself is not, it s like, every comic has a tendency towards narcissism.
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I don t think that should be encouraged.
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I don t find any benefit to it, dwelling about myself.
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Even you, do you think you have a, do you have a?
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Everybody does, I think.
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We just have it, right?
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Yeah, everybody does.
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That s why you want to look good, you want to sound good, you want people to admire you, people think you re doing well, all that stuff.
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Don t don t feed that you know, like yeah, that s what it is.
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Yeah, don t feed it Think about the thing like whatever you re doing, whatever your art form is Yeah, you know relationships or friendships or think about those things don t think for the bad wolf.
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Yeah Yeah, yeah, that s good.
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I like that.
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Don t think about you
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Think about the thing you re trying to do, and just be the best you can at the thing.
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The best you can be at the thing is everything you could ever ask of yourself, and the only thing that s gonna get in the way of that is doubts, lack of discipline, lack of talent, lack of hard work.
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Work ethic is a lot, there s a lot of people that substitute work ethic for anxiety.
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They substitute work ethic for a bunch of bullshit thinking that just distracts them from doing what they really should be doing.
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Which is getting stuff done because like what is the thing you re trying to feel you ve the only when I like there s a giant difference like if I am in my office is a giant difference between how I feel if I just
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watch YouTube videos, even if it s like an interesting thing.
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It s a giant difference between how I feel that then if I go over my material and I start writing and I write a new tagline, I write a new joke, I have a new premise, I have a new thing that I put into my phone.
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Now I go to bed, I feel great.
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Now I feel good.
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So it s like, you gotta learn, like what is the thing that helps?
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The thing that always helps my mental state is to be,
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to be engaged in a thing and to be creative and to try to figure this thing out and then do the work that you need to be doing for your career, for the thing that you love, which is comedy, right?
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Or whatever it is, or even podcasting.
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Work on that thing.
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Work on the thing.
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And then when you re done, you feel good.
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If you re just fucking off, you just feel like a loser.
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And if you feel like a loser and you start feeling that, maybe that s who I am.
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Then you have imposter syndrome.
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Just be professional.
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Just get it.
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Do the things you have to do.
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And then, if I do all that stuff, then I can actually enjoy a movie.
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I can sit down and enjoy a movie.
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If I fucking did everything I m supposed to do, I can enjoy anything.
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But if I have in my head, I m not doing what I m supposed to be doing, I m not doing the work I m supposed to be doing, then I feel like a loser.
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So let s just do the work, and then you don t feel like a loser.
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And then you could be sociable, then you re fun to hang out with, because you re not overwhelmed, your mind is not on this thing that you should really be doing.
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Instead of being here at this party with your friends, you really should be at home working on that thing.
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Get all that shit done, so that you don t feel bad.
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See, because I hear you, and I think that that s 100% accurate.
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But a lot of times, I don t know what it is.
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You need to coach yourself.
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Well, that s what it is.
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But I do think a lot of this stuff is baked into some of that Catholic guilt.
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I m sure.
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I do think you can t feel good about yourself because it subconsciously tells you, well then,
11
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something bad now will happen, right?
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It s this weird thing that, so I think sometimes I flirt with that, because I pretty much, you know, I do my writing and I do kind of say, all right, get into comedy, got the whole family behind you, you need to do this, let s do this.
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But sometimes it s that Catholic guilt, but I m at a point in my life now, I m reading this book, Case for Christ.
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You ever read this book?
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No.
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Case for Christ by this guy Lee Strobel.
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You know was very mad at Catholicism for a very long time because I grew up Catholic when I was 17 when our brains are Forming is when all the Catholic shit came out the priests raping all that stuff and I was like well fucking I have Catholic tattoos all over my body already.
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What am I supposed to do now?
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I I can t this I m like want to rip my tattoos off and I was very angry for a while initially didn t want to get my kids baptized came around did it but then I read this book and
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case for Christ, and I was like, wow, this guy s putting forward, like, very compelling arguments for, like, not only Jesus s existence, but his actual, like, works being real.
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Like, like this all being fucking pretty real and pretty historically accurate.
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And I was like, oh, shit.
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And then so I started to, like, go back a little bit, right?
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And I started to say,
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you know, cause some of the things I m even talking about on the show are kind of like, you know, it s still me, but it s like, it s not as, it s not as much as me anymore.
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Cause I started to go back to church and I started to feel like this, like, just like calmness and almost like, even if it s forced, like this forced connection.
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Let me give you some advice.
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Yes.
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You know what your problems are, right?
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And you know how you re doing when you re doing your best, and you know the things that you re doing that lead you to go astray, to go haywire, right?
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You know that, right?
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I think so, yeah.
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You re really aware of that.
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If you were a coach,
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And you were looking at you, and you know all this information, you would give yourself very solid advice, right?
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I think I could.
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Right, do that then.
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Just have a coach in your head.
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That s what I do.
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I have like a part of my head that s like the general that just tells me what the fuck we re doing.
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I m like, I don t want to do this.
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The general says shut the fuck up and let s go.
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And I d listen to that part.
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Like have that that part in my head, right?
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It s always there that knows this is gonna be fine You know what, you know, I handle this just handle it deal with it breathe go through it.
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Yeah Vaughn Have like a set in your head
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of ideals, of behavior that you re tolerating, behavior that you re not tolerating, the way to handle things when things come up.
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And don t just dwell on every problem.
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Instead, have this thing very rigid in your head.
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This is what we re going to do.
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Write it down.
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Write it down.
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Write down on a piece of paper
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If this comes up, this is what we do.
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We don t do this.
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We don t dwell on stupid shit.
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We don t worry about nonsense.
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We don t fucking fret about, we don t sell our house because there s not a bagel shop close, even though there was.
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Write those things down.
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Write those things down.
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Give yourself rock solid rules.
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And then go to those rules every time something comes up instead of just like,
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Riffing it just winging it being lost in this world of like management of anxiety like have rigid Ideas in your head of how you re gonna handle it.
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Yeah, it seems like you ve gotten through the worst parts, right?
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Like you sounds like your anxiety during basketball was fucking crazy nuts do that sounds I used to bite my toenails off till they bled
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Because my nails, because I went through my fingernails.
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That s crazy.
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So you got through that.
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So you got through the worst.
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So you know how bad it can be when it goes sideways.
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And you know how to coach yourself.
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Write all this stuff down.
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Write it down in the future.
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Write down, like, these are problems that come up.
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And this is how I m going to avoid these problems.
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Well, you know what I think happens, too?
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Because of podcasting sometimes I m like because my girl said something to me once interesting She was like, you know you on these podcasts you talk about all these issues you have and whatever she was like But at home, you re like not that guy Like I don t know like this stuff is like you re never like talking to us about and you re never acting like that Like she was like I see you writing and doing things but then you go on the pod and you re like look at this fucking
11
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Look at my brain.
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So she s like, what?
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Like, don t feel like you have to just go on a podcast and to try to be interesting, say all your, she was like, do you feel that?
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Sometimes, I never did until she said it.
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I m like, you know, I ll come on to a podcast.
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Like I came on today and said, Chris, just come on, be confident, be who you are, project yourself, you re doing good.
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Joe and you are, you re closer now than you were two times, just shut up and do it.
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And then immediately I m like, I m a mistake.
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Damn so that s that s who I am Right, but you re not that way when you re at home.
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You re not that way when you re at your best quarter to my family I wasn t that way into it.
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You might be leaning into it It might be a problem because like it does you do kind of think it s something to talk about that s interesting And so you lean into it you know worse and
11
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Yeah, because I mean yesterday in the green room, I wasn t like that We were just talking around hanging out and I ll be that way tonight.
11
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You didn t even seem a little anxious yesterday No, especially for someone who hadn t done stand-up in six weeks.
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No, I went out there yesterday I hadn t eaten and I did a 24-hour fast.
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So I was just I was like in my body yesterday I felt like a lot of I mean, I know you ve done it before but when you get though on those fasts and you just get like all this energy like I couldn t even sleep and
11
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Yeah, it s weird, isn t it?
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Yeah, I just loved it.
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Yeah, the fact you get energy from fasting is very strange.
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I ve done a lot of 24 hours.
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I haven t done anything more than that, though.
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I ve been thinking about doing one of them three-day ones.
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Yeah.
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A lot of people I know that did three
12
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I heard that that s I heard that George st.
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Pierre talked about he does it three or four times a year I think it s probably really good to give your digestion a chance to rest.
12
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Yeah, just constantly eating food Your body s like Jesus like more work like give it some time off.
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Do you think it s possible?
12
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like in ancient times that
12
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Because sometimes in the Bible, they ll say people live to 400, 500 years old.
12
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Do you think it s not 400, but do you think it s possible people were living to as long as 120 years old back then?
12
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Yeah, maybe 120.
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Yeah, in a rare genetic case with very good nutrition in a blue zone, someplace where there s a lot of minerals in the water.
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Yeah, you might be able to it s possible 120s people have gotten there before but the 500 years old like Noah Well, I think it s true, but I think it s one of those things where they probably just took birth They took records differently back then.
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Mm-hmm.
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Like I think in China, I think you only celebrate your birthday once every 10 years Oh, so you could be like, oh, I m 500, but you re really not Well, that would mean you re five.
12
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Yeah, exactly 50 right, but I think
12
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You know, human beings biologically, the only thing that s going to change how we age is science.
12
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And they re pretty close to being able to do that with a lot of things.
12
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There s a few things you could do to mitigate aging today.
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And it does work.
12
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It does help you.
12
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But 500 years old.
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It s most likely that they just didn t know what the fuck they were talking about.
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350 years after the flood.
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He died at the age of 950.
12
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There you go.
12
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Terah was 128.
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Noah, as the last of the extremely long-lived Antiluvian patriarchs, died 350 years after the flood at the age of 950 when Terah was 128.
12
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The maximum human lifespan, as depicted by the Bible, gradually diminishes thereafter from almost 1,000 years to 120 years of Moses.
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See what I m saying?
12
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Now, that s Old Testament, so, you know, I don t know.
12
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A lot of that stuff was story stuff.
12
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But dude, I m telling you, this book, Case for Christ, the fucking history, it s not even an opinion.
12
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He s not saying I want you to believe.
12
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He s like, here s the history, here s why we, dude, so like, if I told you, if I said to you, Joe, you believe everything you ve heard about Alexander the Great, right?
12
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You believe it, you believe it, you know, he s fought in these battles, what they say, you just believe.
12
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It s Alexander the Great, I ll read his biography.
12
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You d say yeah, sure, but then you d be like, oh, but I know I don t believe they made the shit up about Jesus Okay, Alexander the Great because what you ll always hear is while the Gospels were written a hundred plus years after Jesus died Alexander the Great s first biography was written like 300 years after he died.
12
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So that right there is like well his Jesus is
12
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the historians of Jesus were much closer in time than, say, Alexander the Great, and even furthermore, back then, like the ancient Hebrews, they didn t have—before writing, they didn t write anything, so they would memorize the Old Testament and the Scripture, so that you had guys that they would pass down, right?
12
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They knew 5,000 pages of book at the side of their head.
12
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Yes, the Gospels were 70 years later, but they were based off the accounts of people who were living at that time and up to, like, 25 years after it.
12
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And they say, oh, well, game of telephone.
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I can tell you something goes around the room, telephone, by the time it gets to me, you know, 10 people, what you just said is irrelevant, it s a totally different thing.
12
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I get it.
12
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But what they said is, because of that ancient thing of, you know, kind of having to pass down these Old Testaments because they couldn t write, it would be like if you re playing a game of telephone, but every person, I check with the person before to make sure the word I m saying is right.
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And then I keep going.
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So then it s going to work because you re constantly checking.
12
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So that s what they said happened there.
12
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And I was like, OK.
12
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Well, OK.
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That s a little bit of confirmation bias, because the real problem is, like, who said it originally?
12
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And who decided what the words were originally.
12
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Okay, that, I get that, which is true, but just for Jesus, this book was saying that the reason why they believe the historical accuracy of it is because basically his haters and the disciples were both saying the same thing.
12
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So you have the Romans saying, yeah, this is what happened, who hated him, and at that point would be like, get this guy out of here.
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He s basically causing a revolt, that s why we have to kill him.
12
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He s like somebody getting, you know, a protester today.
12
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They were like, fuck this guy, he s out.
12
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And so they were saying, yeah, what you re saying happened, and then the disciples are saying it, like a big thing is the resurrection, right?
12
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People say, really?
12
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He fucking resurrected from the dead?
12
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And you re like, well, everybody agreed,
12
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Haters, Romans, and the Jewish people, everybody agreed he died.
12
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That s 100%.
12
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That s why when they stab him and they say, water, it came out, it wasn t water, it was fluid from his lungs because he was dead.
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And that s what would happen to you or I when we die, is we have this lung fluid that comes out.
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So that s what they said, oh, that s water.
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And that s what made him divinity.
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But it was like a natural thing.
12
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He s dead, everyone agrees.
12
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And you say, well, they buried him.
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in a tomb, and then the next day, or three days later, the tomb s empty.
12
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And people are like, so, you know, that made up.
12
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And they say 500 people saw him in the town.
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Romans and Hebrew.
12
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They saw him over the next couple of weeks.
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500 independently sourced people, real, corroborated, 500 people saw him.
12
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So you say, okay, so there s that.
12
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And then
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The other conspiracy theory is like, well, the disciples robbed his body.
12
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The disciples just robbed his body because they didn t want him—they would hand over crucifixion victims to, like, the wild dogs.
12
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That used to be the way it was.
12
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If you got crucified, throw you in a pit, wild dogs eat you, or leave you on the cross, birds will eat you.
12
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That s how we deal with you.
12
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So they re like, that s why they were taking his body.
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And then you see that, well,
12
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That s probably not what happened, and the Romans themselves acknowledge there s no body in that tomb that we put in there three days ago.
12
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The body is not there, and we did it.
12
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So in order to save ourselves, we re going to say the apostles robbed it.
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But in reality, that s just a conspiracy, because the apostles would have no reason to rob it.
12
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So the Romans think the apostles robbed the body.
12
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That s a conspiracy.
12
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Why do you say conspiracy?
12
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You re saying that conspiracy diminished the story.
12
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No, no, I meant conspiracy in the sense of that s what people say as a reason why the... Did the Romans say that?
12
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The Romans have said that.
12
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The Romans said that back then and then I guess conspiracy is the wrong word because I m not...
12
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like it s uh it s one story one explanation i ll say explanation of but what if you looked at it like what s the most logical explanation is the most logical explanation that a dead guy came back to life or the most logical explanation that someone took his body because that s what the roman said
12
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I m just because I m in I m saying that that is that came back to life one time and I m not saying I m crazy about it I m just saying you know what after reading that book there was enough things that happened that historical Scholars who aren t religious some are believers.
12
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Some are not right are like this existed and this happened, but you re talking about historical scholars from 2,000 years ago
12
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And their knowledge of science and biology and life and the universe itself was extremely limited.
12
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And so their entire fundamentals, like everything they believed in was based on mythology.
12
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Everything was based on gods and demons.
12
SPEAKER_00
Okay, so then what about this?
12
SPEAKER_00
All right, fine.
12
SPEAKER_00
What if the Romans, okay, they made it up, right?
12
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I m sorry, I mean, the Romans are correct.
12
SPEAKER_00
The disciples took the body, who everyone agreed was dead.
12
SPEAKER_00
What about the 500 people that saw him in the town over the next six weeks?
12
SPEAKER_01
Did you talk to those people?
12
SPEAKER_01
No.
12
SPEAKER_01
So who knows what they believed, but who knows what they actually believed?
12
SPEAKER_01
Who knows how they said it?
12
SPEAKER_01
Who knows if it was a religious thing?
12
SPEAKER_01
Look, there s people that have mass hallucinations all the time about a lot of things, and there s people that you could give them false memory.
12
SPEAKER_01
False memory is a real thing.
12
SPEAKER_01
Someone can convince you that something happened that didn t happen.
12
SPEAKER_01
It s real.
12
SPEAKER_01
It s like they ve demonstrated how to do it.
12
SPEAKER_01
We all know friends that have a memory of something and you go, that s not what happened.
12
SPEAKER_01
And then you say your version of it.
12
SPEAKER_01
And then everybody has to figure out what really happened.
12
SPEAKER_01
You know, you re like, do you remember that time we were at the game and you said this?
12
SPEAKER_01
I didn t say that.
12
SPEAKER_01
Like, that was not me.
12
SPEAKER_01
That was Mike.
12
SPEAKER_01
And you re like, what?
12
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah, you remember?
12
SPEAKER_01
Mike lost his job and he was drunk.
12
SPEAKER_01
Do you remember?
12
SPEAKER_01
And they re like, oh, yeah.
12
SPEAKER_01
Like, you thought it was me.
12
SPEAKER_01
Like, you put it on me.
12
SPEAKER_01
It was like, you changed things.
12
SPEAKER_01
Like, people change things.
12
SPEAKER_01
They also, your memory becomes a memory of your memory and not the actual memory itself.
12
SPEAKER_01
It becomes a memory of the story you re telling.
12
SPEAKER_01
And so if this person was this significant
12
SPEAKER_01
religious guru figure like Jesus was, right?
12
SPEAKER_01
And he really does have this amazing view of how humanity can live
13
SPEAKER_01
in harmony and he really does talk to people about this and he really does preach forgiveness and he really does like Treat everybody like they re the same paupers and hookers right everyone.
13
SPEAKER_01
Everyone s just God s children loved
13
SPEAKER_01
When that guy s gone, you re gonna miss him, man.
13
SPEAKER_01
You re gonna miss him bad.
13
SPEAKER_01
And if you really do have a fundamental view of reality that s based entirely on myth, and you have connected this guy to the Son of Christ, or the Son of God, rather, this figure that is brought here to save us, and the Romans took him from us and killed him, and now he died for our sins, and the whole thing.
13
SPEAKER_01
If you have that in your head, and then someone says, I saw him, I m like, I saw him too.
13
SPEAKER_01
Right people see the Virgin Mary in a fucking grilled cheese sandwich people see things.
13
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, you know, it doesn t mean those things aren t there Right doesn t mean that isn t a vision, but it also does mean that people see things There s a lot of people that are not that bright.
13
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, they re not smart and they re easily led and they re easily manipulated it s also doesn t mean that Jesus wasn t real right like all those things, but it s just
13
SPEAKER_01
The likelihood of someone coming back to life is very low, the likelihood of someone taking his body is very high.
13
SPEAKER_01
So if you used like Occam s razor, the simplest solution, the simplest answer is probably what you re searching for, it s probably that someone took the body.
13
SPEAKER_01
Dude, where do they put it?
13
SPEAKER_01
Well, you could put it anywhere.
13
SPEAKER_01
No one knows where Genghis Khan is buried.
13
SPEAKER_01
Genghis Khan, they did the wildest thing with him.
13
SPEAKER_01
They sent a pack of people to bury Genghis Khan, then they sent another pack of people to kill the people that ... Everybody that went to Genghis Khan s funeral was murdered.
13
SPEAKER_01
They all got murdered by another group of people, and then those group of people got murdered by a separate group to make sure that no one had any understanding at all about where Genghis Khan was buried.
13
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God.
13
SPEAKER_01
To this day, no one knows where he was.
13
SPEAKER_01
I think thousands of people died to hide his burial.
13
SPEAKER_02
But it s got to be somewhere in Mongolia.
13
SPEAKER_02
Somewhere.
13
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
13
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
13
SPEAKER_01
No one knows.
13
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
13
SPEAKER_02
Maybe they could do LIDAR over the entire country and figure it out.
13
SPEAKER_02
Well, somebody will proclaim that they found it at some point.
13
SPEAKER_01
Maybe.
13
SPEAKER_02
You know, they have no idea.
13
SPEAKER_01
They have no idea.
13
SPEAKER_02
See if you could find that story because it s a pretty wild story What about people who they get canonized as saints because you exhume their body and they haven t um, they haven t uh, You know decayed at all.
13
SPEAKER_02
That s like a big thing Yeah, what about those people?
13
SPEAKER_01
Well, there s people look they found that guy who died in the glacier that was uh thousands of years old
13
SPEAKER_01
you know, people s bodies in the right situations.
13
SPEAKER_01
Okay, hold on a second.
13
SPEAKER_01
Marco Polo wrote, even by the late 13th century, the Mongols did not know the location of the tomb.
13
SPEAKER_01
Secret history of the Mongols has the year Genghis Khan s death, 1227, but no information concerning his burial.
13
SPEAKER_01
So, a frequently recounted tale, Marco Polo tells that 2,000 slaves attended his funeral were killed by the soldiers sent to guard them and that these soldiers in turn were killed by another group of soldiers which killed anyone and anything that crossed their path in order to conceal where he was buried.
13
SPEAKER_01
Finally, legend states that when they reached their destination, they committed suicide.
13
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
13
SPEAKER_01
Oh, they commit suicide.
13
SPEAKER_01
So that no one will ever know where he was buried.
13
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
13
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
13
SPEAKER_02
That s wild.
13
SPEAKER_02
That s pretty badass.
13
SPEAKER_02
That s pretty badass.
13
SPEAKER_01
That s pretty gangster.
13
SPEAKER_01
That s pretty badass.
13
SPEAKER_02
And they were fucking monsters, the Mongolians.
13
SPEAKER_02
They would kill everybody on horseback.
13
SPEAKER_02
The best fighting force ever, some people say.
13
SPEAKER_01
They killed 10% of the population.
13
SPEAKER_01
They killed so many people that they lowered the carbon footprint of Earth during the time he was alive.
13
SPEAKER_01
Because so many people died that all the places that they had deforested, they chopped down the trees, trees grew back.
13
SPEAKER_01
And it created more trees, so it created more oxygen, sucked out more carbon from the air, because nothing s better at eating carbon than trees.
13
SPEAKER_01
They live off carbon dioxide.
13
SPEAKER_01
So these, you could do a core sample and show these people killed so many people that they lowered the carbon footprint of humans on Earth.
13
SPEAKER_01
That s pretty nuts.
13
SPEAKER_01
They killed somewhere during his lifetime, somewhere between 50 and 70 million people, depending on how you do the calculations.
13
SPEAKER_02
So is there anybody, if you extrapolate that, like, did he kill more people than like Stalin and Hitler?
13
SPEAKER_01
Way more than, percentage wise?
13
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, he killed more than anybody ever.
13
SPEAKER_01
His people did during his lifetime because they I mean they conquered a giant swath of the world and the Mongols I think they d where they were in control of like a quarter of earth Dude, Asians are fucking brutal.
13
SPEAKER_02
They get white people We get the worst rap in history But Asians fucking kill each other and are so racist and hate each other like you can t imagine dude
13
SPEAKER_02
You know like the rape of Nanking?
13
SPEAKER_02
Dude, white people never did that.
13
SPEAKER_02
That was crazy.
13
SPEAKER_02
Bayonetting babies and shit.
13
SPEAKER_02
And Genghis Khan.
13
SPEAKER_02
Sometimes I m like, hey man, I get white people, I get we have our history, but so does fucking everybody else.
13
SPEAKER_01
Stop it.
13
SPEAKER_01
It s also just brutal times require brutal people.
13
SPEAKER_01
I mean, that was a brutal time to be alive.
13
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, right.
13
SPEAKER_02
You can t.
13
SPEAKER_02
I read something about those times back.
13
SPEAKER_02
This is more medieval times.
13
SPEAKER_02
This is interesting that sex was not taboo.
13
SPEAKER_02
It was because we all had to live under one roof.
13
SPEAKER_02
So sex was just animalistic to procreate to get more bodies on the farm.
13
SPEAKER_02
So you would watch your mom and dad have sex right next to you.
13
SPEAKER_02
Didn t even it wasn t a thing about cleanliness or you know, you know, I mean I m sure you had to get an erection and get wet so they had to be some type of something but it was like this wild thing where like this whole idea of taboo a sex being taboo and Having terms for everything is are pretty much like a new
13
SPEAKER_02
It was I read this whole thing about then they then an impotence court in France So back in the day court dude, there was this guy.
13
SPEAKER_02
There s this guy.
13
SPEAKER_02
He wrote this.
13
SPEAKER_02
It s called I m fucking history It s by the guy the author s name is the captain.
13
SPEAKER_02
This guy s the man and it s cool I read one page a day and it s about different times in history kind of applied to today But this one thing I read about was the 1600s.
13
SPEAKER_02
There was an impotence court So if you could get divorced if your wife or any if you wanted a divorce the wife wanted a divorce
13
SPEAKER_02
The only way out was you had to go to this court and you had to prove that your husband is impotent and can t get his dick up.
13
SPEAKER_02
So the court were there, and then you d have to perform the act.
13
SPEAKER_02
And if the husband couldn t get it up, you have to have sex in front of people, couldn t get it up, we grant you
13
SPEAKER_02
the divorce because that was the only grounds that it was necessary for.
13
SPEAKER_02
Right, because he needed procreation.
13
SPEAKER_02
You need a procreation.
13
SPEAKER_02
That s what this is about.
13
SPEAKER_01
He wouldn t deny a woman s ability to procreate.
13
SPEAKER_01
The man can t get an erection, so you could leave him.
13
SPEAKER_02
And then I think if he did prove his manhood and have sex with her and get a hard-on and come, I think then he had the legal right to kill her.
13
SPEAKER_02
for even taking him to court.
13
SPEAKER_02
So if you can fuck her in front of everybody, then you can kill her?
13
SPEAKER_02
Isn t that like wild how times used to... You were a fucking brutal man.
13
SPEAKER_02
It s not that long ago.
13
SPEAKER_01
No.
13
SPEAKER_02
We have the same brain as them, right?
13
SPEAKER_02
We re just more civilized.
13
SPEAKER_02
It s not like our brain has went over this insane evolution yet.
13
SPEAKER_02
Exactly.
13
SPEAKER_02
I have that guy s brain.
13
SPEAKER_02
Everybody does.
13
SPEAKER_02
But I just don t do it.
13
SPEAKER_01
I guess we re more societal pressures not to do it.
13
SPEAKER_01
Well, also, society has changed where we have more access to information.
13
SPEAKER_01
We know how other people feel.
13
SPEAKER_01
Back then, they didn t care.
13
SPEAKER_02
Dude, isn t that what, like the smartest, like the Elon Musks and the, you know, Stephen Hawkins of like,
13
SPEAKER_02
that time thought like the they thought that the sun went around the earth and they were i mean the the yeah the sun went around like they no they thought the earth was the center the earth was the center of the universe and like they were as confident as our smart people saying we are positive that it s the other way sort of right but when copernicus and all these different people figured out that that wasn t the case galileo
13
SPEAKER_02
No, I know that, but I m saying, so what do you think today we believe in that we will be disproved in a major way?
13
SPEAKER_02
Because when Copernicus and Galileo came out and said, I m sure it s the other way, I have the proof, and then everybody was like, wait, what?
13
SPEAKER_02
What do you think today?
13
SPEAKER_02
We re believing, as fact, even you and me are believing, but it s going to be disproven.
13
SPEAKER_02
If you had a hunch, what do you think it is?
13
SPEAKER_02
That s an interesting question.
13
SPEAKER_01
Thank you.
13
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
13
SPEAKER_01
I don t know what it would be, obviously.
13
SPEAKER_01
Because obviously, if there s a thing that we all believe today, how the fuck could I know that that would be the thing?
13
SPEAKER_00
You should read this part of the what is it this is about the impotence court?
13
SPEAKER_01
The unhappy yes the unhappy couple would then be subject to separate examinations to speculate groping by surgeons physicians and midwives Speculative excuse me groping by surgeons physicians and midwives a husband s natural parts were scrutinized for color shape and number the best thing he could hope for were the inspection
13
SPEAKER_01
Specters of delicate demeanor various hypotheses were created.
13
SPEAKER_01
Could he muster an erection?
13
SPEAKER_01
Expel reproductive fluids on demand was he capable of healthy performance or had he been forcing his partner into
14
SPEAKER_03
How do you say that word less lascivious lascivious lascivious positions without the promise of coming children that means butt-fucking As could be expected many withheld many wilted under pressure according to the reports of a trial in rhymes I said rhymes I think so each rhymes and
14
SPEAKER_03
The experts waited around a fire many a time did he call out come come now?
14
SPEAKER_03
But it was always a false alarm the wife laughed and told them do not hurry so for I know him well The experts said after that never had they laughed as much nor slept as little as on that night.
14
SPEAKER_03
Oh my gosh There s laughing this poor fucking guy freaking out there.
14
SPEAKER_03
I got it.
14
SPEAKER_03
Oh
14
SPEAKER_03
She s like, he ain t got shit.
14
SPEAKER_03
Oh my God.
14
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I couldn t do that.
14
SPEAKER_00
If you want to ask me to, I mean, it s very difficult.
14
SPEAKER_00
There s no way to be able to get hard.
14
SPEAKER_00
Imagine you re in court and you got to fuck.
14
SPEAKER_01
I was saying that a divorce was illegal then.
14
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
14
SPEAKER_01
So most of these would have to come from the women and most of their majority, like 20% of the cases, it was from nobility.
14
SPEAKER_01
So like rich women were saying, Oh boy, my husband can t get a hard.
14
SPEAKER_00
So they have to, but then you would have to prove it.
14
SPEAKER_00
I m not, that s real.
14
SPEAKER_01
And then it was on whichever partner actually was found to not be able to get it up, had to pay for the court proceedings and lawyers and everything.
14
SPEAKER_00
They were checking a woman s wetness?
14
SPEAKER_00
Like, what do you mean?
14
SPEAKER_01
They could see the woman s impotence.
14
SPEAKER_00
Or a woman can t give birth.
14
SPEAKER_00
That s a big thing.
14
SPEAKER_00
You can t give birth to sons.
14
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
14
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
14
SPEAKER_00
That was a big thing.
14
SPEAKER_00
King Henry VIII, right?
14
SPEAKER_00
He killed all his wives and he was the one that was controlling the sex.
14
SPEAKER_00
But science didn t know that yet.
14
SPEAKER_03
The thing is also that, boy, when human beings used to have fertility rituals, they were always trying to reproduce because people died so early.
14
SPEAKER_03
People died of everything.
14
SPEAKER_03
They died of broken leg, dead.
14
SPEAKER_03
Injury, dead.
14
SPEAKER_03
You know, infection, dead.
14
SPEAKER_03
Blood infection, sepsis, dead.
14
SPEAKER_03
Everybody just died.
14
SPEAKER_03
Like, that s when people look at, like, the average age of people back then.
14
SPEAKER_03
Oh, people only lived to 30.
14
SPEAKER_03
That s really because there was so much infant mortality.
14
SPEAKER_03
And infant mortality and childhood mortality factors in there.
14
SPEAKER_03
Because, like, half your kids are going to die.
14
SPEAKER_03
It s not like today.
14
SPEAKER_03
You have five kids.
14
SPEAKER_03
The five kids are at my grandfather s house.
14
SPEAKER_03
Hey, everybody s grown up now.
14
SPEAKER_03
They have kids of their own.
14
SPEAKER_03
Way.
14
SPEAKER_03
Back then.
14
SPEAKER_03
Everybody died.
14
SPEAKER_00
So you re saying back then there were still plenty of 50, 60 and 70 year olds walking around.
14
SPEAKER_03
There s probably a few, you know, like dodged bullets and made it to that way and fucking pulled arrows out of their back.
14
SPEAKER_03
But the bottom line is, is like, it s the same.
14
SPEAKER_03
What s that guy s boner?
14
SPEAKER_03
Why are you showing us this?
14
SPEAKER_01
Gets into saying that like it had to go big dicks were an issue back then or something they were using this statue as a Scarecrow and really places because it was it would threaten rape so it just scare people away from the gardens and whatnot.
14
SPEAKER_01
It s what?
14
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, that is he a big boner and that would keep people from raping people.
14
SPEAKER_03
Oh Crazy yes, and that s them soft look at that guy look at that guy that guy s a liar.
14
SPEAKER_03
That s crazy.
14
SPEAKER_03
No way perfect That s what I have
14
SPEAKER_00
No circumcision back then either, or maybe there was, I don t know.
14
SPEAKER_01
No.
14
SPEAKER_01
They said they would parade them around on comic stages of Athens until the 4th century.
14
SPEAKER_01
Giant members.
14
SPEAKER_01
Giant members.
14
SPEAKER_01
Guys with giant hogs.
14
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
14
SPEAKER_03
Wow.
14
SPEAKER_03
Okay.
14
SPEAKER_03
What is that word?
14
SPEAKER_03
Tumescent.
14
SPEAKER_00
Where do you see that?
14
SPEAKER_03
Perhaps the abundance of tumescent dicks.
14
SPEAKER_00
Tumescent?
14
SPEAKER_00
Pied-a-roll.
14
SPEAKER_00
Tumescent?
14
SPEAKER_00
It sounds eloquent.
14
SPEAKER_00
Maybe, um, the abundance of- Giant.
14
SPEAKER_03
It could be giant hog.
14
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
14
SPEAKER_00
What does it mean?
14
SPEAKER_03
Have you ever used that?
14
SPEAKER_03
I ve never used that word.
14
SPEAKER_03
Tumescent.
14
SPEAKER_03
No.
14
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
14
SPEAKER_03
Swollen.
14
SPEAKER_03
Swollen.
14
SPEAKER_03
Alright.
14
SPEAKER_00
So hard dicks.
14
SPEAKER_00
Hard dicks.
14
SPEAKER_03
I mean, everybody probably- So they tie their dick off, get a boner, probably tie a little rope around the base of their balls and everything and keep it hard.
14
SPEAKER_03
Look what I got here.
14
SPEAKER_00
Look at my fat cock.
14
SPEAKER_00
I think back then too, I think that soldiers, I read a lot of stuff about the Roman soldiers.
14
SPEAKER_00
I think Greek soldiers were like, you know, had wives and kids, but on the battlefield night before was totally okay to be gay, have an intimate relationship because they thought you have to be in love with the man you re protecting next to you in order to protect him in the right way.
14
SPEAKER_03
That s what the Spartans felt.
14
SPEAKER_00
That s what it was.
14
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, because that s who it was then Yeah, but there s a lot of like gay sex going on back then I think people did a lot of gay stuff and a lot of pedastry bestiality, right?
14
SPEAKER_00
I think like I think we have a lot of terms now for shit, but I think back then like James Buchanan who is the president before Abraham Lincoln?
14
SPEAKER_00
They used to call him.
14
SPEAKER_00
He didn t have a wife.
14
SPEAKER_00
He
14
SPEAKER_00
He had a senator who was like, they would call him Aunt Nancy.
14
SPEAKER_00
That was like their nickname for him because they were like, these two guys are gay, right?
14
SPEAKER_00
But the public at the time knew that, but didn t care.
14
SPEAKER_00
You being, your sexuality was never in the minds of the American voter in the 1800s.
14
SPEAKER_00
That came later.
14
SPEAKER_00
I don t know when it came, but I was fascinated to read that.
14
SPEAKER_00
I was like, oh wow, back then when you think that
14
SPEAKER_00
you know, people who must have been much more conservative back then, they were like, no, we don t give a shit at all, like, just do get the country in order.
14
SPEAKER_00
And actually, it plays into a part because James Buchanan being, you know, possibly gay and with this guy and, you know, calling him Aunt Nancy, the senator boyfriend of his,
14
SPEAKER_00
Was a senator from the south and it was James Buchanan s presidency because he was giving all these favors to They think his boyfriend of that state that tipped the balance scales and kind of caused the Civil War.
14
SPEAKER_02
Well, that s what they say Yeah, yeah.
14
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I don t have the hard facts on it, but I remember reading that and I was like, yo, that s fucking wild We re like you just bet like Abraham Lincoln kind of took over a country.
14
SPEAKER_00
That was the the roller coaster had went down he could not stop it and
14
SPEAKER_00
And he could and and they say that he really sided with the Kind of freeing the slaves and the north and the union because they had much more Soldiers and were much bigger than the south but like if that was the other way Lincoln wasn t at the time, you know, you can make up what you want and some people agree and disagree But it s like he was going with what he thought was best to preserve the union Not necessarily, you know, I think slavery at that time a lot of people starting to be like this is gross now stop doing it but
14
SPEAKER_00
But I read a thing too where it was just geography where they said if the cotton plantations were in the north You would have had the slaves and we would have been the non slave holder So like we had to do that with it Of course, they didn t but they would say we had to do that with the technology at the time This is what we had to we needed the manpower and there were the only people who would do it It s really just that they could do it.
14
SPEAKER_02
They could write could well, you know, they definitely didn t have to
14
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, because, you know, I read this thing about... They could have just paid people.
14
SPEAKER_00
Well, like, and Native, you know, because, you know, they were saying, like, where the specific place—I forgot where it was—specific, tumulant, specific place they got the
14
SPEAKER_00
Slaves from in Africa were people who were very like kind like giving people there wasn t any war there So they believed you if you said come with me I ll come with you because I m I listen, you know, like I m we re all at peace here where we are So why wouldn t I come with you?
14
SPEAKER_00
and then you know, they were in the Portuguese were enslaving them and putting them on these ships and then that s just how that s why they were able to get them from that part like they knew that which is like really
14
SPEAKER_00
Sinister that these are good people that are just they re they their culture is to follow it s it s but then you have like the Native Americans who were on the land at the same time in America and you couldn t enslave them because they they would be like No, we re fighting everybody around us because because they they could have subjugated them to in this I forgot what book it was, but I was reading but
14
SPEAKER_00
They couldn t.
14
SPEAKER_00
They just couldn t.
14
SPEAKER_00
It was like wild horses.
14
SPEAKER_00
So they purposely went to a place where the culture was for the be kind people.
14
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, oh, that s like a really horrible part of like the human brain, even though I know at that time things were different.
14
SPEAKER_00
But I m like, that s pretty just evil to do that.
14
SPEAKER_03
There s a lot of evil in history.
14
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
14
SPEAKER_03
History is flooded with evil.
14
SPEAKER_03
It s almost there s almost no instances of people not being evil and there s every culture by the way every call It s not it s not just one group every culture.
14
SPEAKER_00
I saw this one thing I can t I m blanking on all these things and I read it where who we are as homo sapiens.
14
SPEAKER_00
I m sure you know this like like there s like However, many groups of homo sapiens there were like, you know different types of humanoids but us homo sapiens whether
14
SPEAKER_00
Our type was the most vicious type, that s why we won.
14
SPEAKER_00
So this idea of war is in our head, because that s what s deep-baked in our DNA, because we were the one that won out to evolve into humans, so we have it in our thing.
14
SPEAKER_00
So when people are like, we re warlike, because that s in our brains no matter what.
14
SPEAKER_00
And if you don t, if you re not physical, some would say like me, not physical, I ll create a war in my brain.
14
SPEAKER_00
But what keeps me going is war.
14
SPEAKER_00
What keeps me going is a problem that I have to fix like that.
14
SPEAKER_00
So I was like, oh, that was interesting.
14
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if any of it s founded.
14
SPEAKER_00
Well, we re certainly hardwired for conflict, right?
14
SPEAKER_03
Humans are hardwired.
14
SPEAKER_03
I mean, there s no one today that s rational that believes that like in three years we ll have no war on Earth.
14
SPEAKER_03
Right, or I mean, could you imagine a time with no war anywhere on earth?
14
SPEAKER_03
You can t you know, that s not that s not possible That s humans do war which is the thing that everyone s the most Fearful of the most terrifying things in history or war and we just even though we know that
15
SPEAKER_01
And most people don t want war we assume there will never be a time with no war which is a crazy thought Here s a you asked me earlier.
15
SPEAKER_00
Why do you think the NYPD is?
15
SPEAKER_00
Not, you know, why do you think the city s going to fail?
15
SPEAKER_00
Here s a conspiracy I heard I guess you d call this a conspiracy or maybe an explanation again from one of my cop friends He s like, you know why they re doing that.
15
SPEAKER_00
He s like the high high up people You know those people that don t even exist on paper that are worth ten times as much as Elon Musk and whatever Those guys they want AI
15
SPEAKER_00
They want it in the police forces, they want it in the world, so what they re doing is they re causing chaos here, and they re gonna cause so much chaos that we re gonna beg to just be ruled by AI.
15
SPEAKER_00
We re gonna beg for an indifferent AI piece of machinery that sees it in black and white and will do the right things, put the criminals in jail, is who will be ruling this city, and that, it s gonna take some time, but that s what it is.
15
SPEAKER_00
And I ll- The cops tell you that?
15
SPEAKER_00
A cop told me that.
15
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
15
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I was like, I didn t dismiss him, I was like,
15
SPEAKER_00
It makes sense.
15
SPEAKER_00
And he was being like, that s what it is.
15
SPEAKER_00
What else could it be?
15
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, dude, I don t fucking know, man.
15
SPEAKER_01
It s the idea.
15
SPEAKER_01
I don t think they re thinking that far in advance, honestly.
15
SPEAKER_01
I think the ideology of these woke people, it s really a cult.
15
SPEAKER_01
And the cult is that there is some institutional racism that has caused all these people to be locked up.
15
SPEAKER_01
And the only solution is to just let them out.
15
SPEAKER_01
And when they commit crime, it s because of institutional racism that s put them in that position.
15
SPEAKER_01
That s where they re committing crime.
15
SPEAKER_01
And the only solution is to let them out and to just tolerate it.
15
SPEAKER_01
And this is to try to break this cycle, which is ridiculous.
15
SPEAKER_01
That s not how to do it.
15
SPEAKER_01
The way to do it is to make wherever they live
15
SPEAKER_01
To enrich it so that it s not so crime ridden and gang ridden that there s other ways out, right?
15
SPEAKER_01
People don t lose their lives being connected to the culture of wherever they re at because it s just so criminally Entrenched.
15
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
15
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
15
SPEAKER_01
I mean, it s just they don t they re not thinking that far in advance.
15
SPEAKER_01
I think most of the people that are
15
SPEAKER_01
propagating this stuff.
15
SPEAKER_01
But I also think we re being influenced by other countries.
15
SPEAKER_01
I think we re being influenced by social media, which is also being influenced by foreign actors that are doing things and saying things and promoting things specifically to degrade our confidence in our system.
15
SPEAKER_01
Because we are the only system that s like this.
15
SPEAKER_01
We re the first experiment in self-government in the world that we re aware of, other than the Greeks, obviously.
15
SPEAKER_01
But the Greeks did it out of psychedelics.
15
SPEAKER_01
They learned to develop democracy.
15
SPEAKER_00
I think, I believe that too, and I think that maybe that s something that in the future, like we re living through it now, but in the future they ll be like, oh remember when the years those people were on social media and they got into all these wars and destroyed the planet if it gets there because of these things that weren t even real.
15
SPEAKER_00
history.
15
SPEAKER_01
The influence of it is going to be measured.
15
SPEAKER_01
It s going to be monitored.
15
SPEAKER_01
It s going to be a very hotly discussed topic because it s controversial even today while it s happening and the evidence is irrefutable.
15
SPEAKER_01
The evidence of its presence is irrefutable, but there s still some people that don t think that that s what s causing it.
15
SPEAKER_01
I think it s certainly exacerbating it at the very least.
15
SPEAKER_01
I don t know what s caused it, but the infiltration of the education institutions by other countries is well documented too.
15
SPEAKER_01
They know what they re doing, and it s working.
15
SPEAKER_01
I mean, Yuri Bezmenov, we ve talked about a thousand times, unfortunately.
15
SPEAKER_01
That video from 84.
15
SPEAKER_01
I saw it.
15
SPEAKER_01
All that stuff is crazy.
15
SPEAKER_01
They laid the plan.
15
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, they were talking about this in 84.
15
SPEAKER_01
It s actually, the chickens have come home to roost.
15
SPEAKER_01
It s really going on right now.
15
SPEAKER_01
You re seeing it on college campuses today.
15
SPEAKER_00
I know.
15
SPEAKER_00
New York, Columbia University, nuts.
15
SPEAKER_01
It s all over the news.
15
SPEAKER_01
They re cult people.
15
SPEAKER_01
They re basically in like this weird societal collapse cult.
15
SPEAKER_01
They want society as it stands right now.
15
SPEAKER_01
They think it s fundamentally terrible and it should be destroyed.
15
SPEAKER_00
So like those people, when we speak about these people that want this and want that, do you think like there s things about
15
SPEAKER_00
the universe that they know for a fact they re as human as you and I and they just know it and this is why they do what they do like like they re speculating.
15
SPEAKER_01
I don t think they re thinking that far in advance that s the thing I m thinking of the problem with all this is no one s take like like freedom of speech if you take away people s freedom of speech because you think they re wrong and you re right the problem is then someone else who comes along can also take away your freedom of speech if they get into power if they think you re wrong you gotta have people
15
SPEAKER_01
Be able to talk about things so you can figure out what s right and what s wrong, and sort things out, find out what s true, what s not true.
15
SPEAKER_01
The only way to do that is freedom of speech, and you have to allow people to do that, even if they say things that you don t enjoy, you don t want to hear.
15
SPEAKER_01
It s better to have someone refute that and work it out than to silence people.
15
SPEAKER_01
As soon as you don t think that, then you ve silenced discourse.
15
SPEAKER_01
If you silence discourse, you ve fucked up all progress.
15
SPEAKER_01
Well now people are just gonna cling to whatever it is like with the the reason why they went after Galileo Or the way because people have like an entrenched set of beliefs And they don t want anything to come along and challenge that and anything that does they ll squash that yeah They ll kill you they ll fucking torture you and that s the time right now the puritanical.
15
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah
15
SPEAKER_01
It s very similar to that the the woke stuff is very similar to religion in a lot of ways like you you it s absolute adherence Anyone who deviates at all is cast out of the kingdom There s there s they attack you.
15
SPEAKER_00
It s just like a cult right I think I think it s lost a lot of I mean it feels like it s lost a lot of More of its power now.
15
SPEAKER_00
It feels like most people are like well Just well you know coming out of the fever heat the haze of it all like what the fuck?
15
SPEAKER_01
What s going on?
15
SPEAKER_01
And I think they re more aware of how crazy it all is now than ever before Yeah, yeah, there s still a lot of people on universities especially that are just deeply entrenched and it s also their identity It s a way that they could be interesting It s a way that they can get social status status is a big factor is a giant factor in how people behave and why they do what they do and it s certainly the social media is the worst for that and
15
SPEAKER_01
Cuz so many people they post these cringy things on social media like I know what you re doing Yeah, he s trying to you re just fishing for likes you fucking weird.
15
SPEAKER_00
See I think we all starting to know that now cuz I remember when I was when my Daughter who s eight now was like one or two we had a friend and their friend They were giving their kid who was like I think 10
15
SPEAKER_00
Social media as a birthday gift you would hear that a lot.
15
SPEAKER_00
I m gonna give my kids social media But now nobody would do that now we would know like how poison that is for a kid and that was just you know Five six years ago where people weren t aware of the kind of dangers of it all that might be a thing We re like, you know how the people when they were smoking cigarettes didn t know that they were killing themselves and they didn t you would the smoking industry was allowed to just camp, you know promote that might be
15
SPEAKER_00
that might be the thing of the future.
15
SPEAKER_01
It s so pervasive though, I think it s going to turn into something even crazier.
15
SPEAKER_01
I think with AI, the introduction of AI and then newer technology that allows some other form of communication, it s just going to get even weirder.
15
SPEAKER_01
I just think this is the reality that we re living in.
15
SPEAKER_01
We are a technological society.
15
SPEAKER_01
We are technology-creating species, and we re going to keep going.
15
SPEAKER_00
Just keep it going, and then you think the first person who might live forever with their conscious uploaded into an AI is alive right now?
15
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
15
SPEAKER_01
It s possible.
15
SPEAKER_01
I mean, if that actually happens?
15
SPEAKER_01
I don t know if that happens.
15
SPEAKER_01
I think something happens.
15
SPEAKER_01
I think for me to speculate would be kind of crazy, but I think something wild is going to happen pretty soon.
15
SPEAKER_01
I think with AI and the way AI is progressing, that it s going to be smarter than every human being alive inside of five years.
15
SPEAKER_01
Oh, yeah.
15
SPEAKER_01
Where does that take us?
15
SPEAKER_01
Do we find ourselves in a position, like your cop friend said, where AI has to govern the country?
15
SPEAKER_01
Because that does make sense.
15
SPEAKER_01
But the problem is, who is in charge of the AI?
15
SPEAKER_01
Who gets to program the AI?
15
SPEAKER_01
Because AI is not immune to being programmed.
15
SPEAKER_01
We saw with that Google AI that they do the founding fathers were all black.
15
SPEAKER_01
It s like it doesn t know how to avoid the woke bullshit that it s been programmed with not yet, but it could adapt it could adapt and if it does adapt and it becomes objective and it actually has
15
SPEAKER_01
Smart decisions that would benefit the entire country as a whole people are gonna want to listen to it because it s gonna be scary to us and it s not gonna have the greed and Deception built into it that human beings do it s not gonna be supposedly influenced by money Yeah, but of course, I mean, yeah, well it becomes sentient that it doesn t you know right now it s controlled by people it s it s but if it becomes something that designed itself
15
SPEAKER_01
You know, if it surpasses the design of human beings and creates its own version of itself, but a far superior version of it, and then we allow that thing to lead us.
15
SPEAKER_00
So what we got to do is find jobs that you just want to be towards the back of the line, because AI is going to start to take over job after job.
15
SPEAKER_00
But comedian, we re pretty far down the line.
15
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I know AI could take us over on TV and on the internet.
15
SPEAKER_01
Well, live performances are still going to be a thing.
15
SPEAKER_01
Live sports are still going to be a thing.
16
SPEAKER_01
It s still gonna be a thing.
16
SPEAKER_00
So you re at the back of the line for AI.
16
SPEAKER_01
I mean, they re trying to hold off technology in sports by limiting steroid use, right?
16
SPEAKER_01
Because what is steroid use?
16
SPEAKER_01
It s manipulating chemicals in order to achieve a superior human being physically, a superior specimen that can do things that an average person can t.
16
SPEAKER_01
Like when you look at bodybuilders, that is not possible without technology.
16
SPEAKER_00
No.
16
SPEAKER_01
There s no way.
16
SPEAKER_01
You don t get that big.
16
SPEAKER_01
That s crazy.
16
SPEAKER_01
You re not supposed to be that big.
16
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, like those people are that big because of human invented technology that allows you to introduce Massive amounts of hormones in your system that don t make any sense and right fucking 350 pounds.
16
SPEAKER_01
You re five seven.
16
SPEAKER_01
That s crazy Yeah, but there s people like that in the world.
16
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
16
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, they re monsters monsters
16
SPEAKER_00
And I heard that, you know, I was always taught that steroids will give you cancer, all these bad things, but I read recently, that was just based off one study a while ago, that steroids done right is actually not healthy, but it s not going to kill you if you do these things right.
16
SPEAKER_01
Where are all the bodies?
16
SPEAKER_01
That s the thing.
16
SPEAKER_01
There d be so many bodies.
16
SPEAKER_01
There s so many bodies of people who smoke cigarettes.
16
SPEAKER_01
There s so many bodies of people who drank themselves to death.
16
SPEAKER_01
And there are bodies from people that did overdo steroids and wind up having heart attacks and stuff.
16
SPEAKER_01
But God, there s a lot of people that did it and didn t have anything go wrong with it.
16
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah.
16
SPEAKER_00
It gets tempting, you know?
16
SPEAKER_01
What s that documentary, Bigger, Stronger, Faster?
16
SPEAKER_00
That s probably what it was, yeah.
16
SPEAKER_00
Bigger, Stronger, Faster.
16
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, because I just started taking creatine like three weeks ago, and I feel like fucking awesome.
16
SPEAKER_01
Creatine s great for your brain.
16
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
16
SPEAKER_01
There s a study recently that showed that creatine mitigates the effects of lack of sleep too.
16
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
16
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, so if you have a lack of sleep and you take creatine, it s supposed to increase your performance and things and makes it so that the lack of sleep doesn t really affect you nearly as much.
16
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it says on my bottle not to take the creatine with caffeine.
16
SPEAKER_00
It says don t do that.
16
SPEAKER_00
My powder, naked creatine, it says don t mix this with caffeine.
16
SPEAKER_00
And then I read it s because they counterbalance the effects of each other somehow.
16
SPEAKER_00
So it s like you re taking it and you re not getting the full
16
SPEAKER_00
Benefit of it.
16
SPEAKER_00
Yeah creatine is actually a nootropic.
16
SPEAKER_01
It actually helps brain function Interesting creatine does a lot of good things.
16
SPEAKER_01
Well, you got to think about right it helps your body hold more water, right?
16
SPEAKER_01
Which is what one of the things that does it makes you stronger?
16
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it allows you to hold more water you get a little bigger stronger But people would always say you get bloated and fat which that s not true either Yeah, you get bloated from you know, you can get bloated for many things you definitely get a fatter face if you have more water in your face, but it s also
16
SPEAKER_00
It s like, what are you eating?
16
SPEAKER_00
Well, I m saying I ve been on creatine for upwards of a month now.
16
SPEAKER_00
And I feel my performance is going up in the gym.
16
SPEAKER_00
I m a little bigger, but I haven t lost.
16
SPEAKER_00
My scale number is the same.
16
SPEAKER_00
I think I ve lost body fat.
16
SPEAKER_01
Well, that s probably because you re working hard.
16
SPEAKER_01
I think that creatine is a very overall positive supplement.
16
SPEAKER_01
I don t think there s any negatives associated with creatine.
16
SPEAKER_01
I m sure you could probably overdo it, like you could overdo anything.
16
SPEAKER_01
But creatine is one of the safer supplements, like performance supplements.
16
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, and it s good for you in a lot of ways.
16
SPEAKER_01
It s actually it s a part of food, right?
16
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, like creatine from food itself.
16
SPEAKER_00
It s in steak I take creatine and scoop a sauerkraut for the fermented food every day, baby How great is what a hot dog with sauerkraut and some brown mustard the kind of hot dogs that snap.
16
SPEAKER_01
Oh, yeah Oh, baby, I fucking love to me.
16
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, even though the buns bad for you who cares?
16
SPEAKER_00
Let s go who gives us what they say the hot dog is bad for you, right says
16
SPEAKER_00
Who?
16
SPEAKER_00
Communists?
16
SPEAKER_00
Yes, exactly.
16
SPEAKER_01
If it snaps in your mouth like those really good kosher hot dogs, oh.
16
SPEAKER_00
Love it, dude.
16
SPEAKER_01
That s so good.
16
SPEAKER_01
Oh, yeah.
16
SPEAKER_01
It s fucking heat, dude.
16
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
16
SPEAKER_01
There s so many foods that are so good that are so bad for you.
16
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, like the other day, two sleeves of Oreos in one sitting.
16
SPEAKER_00
Damn.
16
SPEAKER_00
Damn, son.
16
SPEAKER_00
And I didn t even- Milk?
16
SPEAKER_00
Oh yeah.
16
SPEAKER_00
Milk was going wild.
16
SPEAKER_00
Did you dunk?
16
SPEAKER_00
Dunked them all, but I did it in my fasting window so I didn t feel too bad about myself.
16
SPEAKER_00
Oh, there you go.
16
SPEAKER_00
There it is.
16
SPEAKER_00
You knock it out.
16
SPEAKER_00
There you go.
16
SPEAKER_00
But people can eat, man.
16
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
16
SPEAKER_00
They ll go fucking wild.
16
SPEAKER_01
For me, it s anything carbs, pasta, pizza.
16
SPEAKER_01
That s my cheat stuff.
16
SPEAKER_01
Right.
16
SPEAKER_01
If I m going to have a meal where I know I m not supposed to eat it, but I m just going to enjoy it, it s always like pizza, carbs, pasta, lasagna, something like that.
16
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, just go fucking wild.
16
SPEAKER_01
But then I just stop afterwards.
16
SPEAKER_01
I go, okay, we did it.
16
SPEAKER_00
I think I might have told you this the last time I was here, but my father is a big eater.
16
SPEAKER_00
He ate an entire tray of lasagna one day, like in front of us, like throughout the day at Christmas, he ate the entire tray of lasagna.
16
SPEAKER_00
Then he slept at my house and he woke up in the middle of the night with chest pains.
16
SPEAKER_00
And him and his wife, my stepmom, were, you know, wake me up, and like, you know, dad s, I don t know what s going on, like he can t walk, he s like out of, he s going, camp breath, chest pain, right?
16
SPEAKER_00
Goes to the hospital, they, you know, hook him up to the machines, whatever, do some tests, stays overnight, they call me the next day, they said, hey man, you know, we re sorry, looks like your dad here has congestive heart failure, you know, this can be a year, four years, but he has congestive heart failure.
16
SPEAKER_00
I mean, his fluids are backing up,
16
SPEAKER_00
And, you know, so we just want to let you know we re going to release him.
16
SPEAKER_00
But this is the protocol and the medicines and all that.
16
SPEAKER_00
So now I m going down to the hospital like, oh, my God, like this is it.
16
SPEAKER_00
Time s running out with my dad.
16
SPEAKER_00
And then and then took me about 45 minutes to get there.
16
SPEAKER_00
I get there and I guess they continue doing tests.
16
SPEAKER_00
And the I walk in and the people are there, the doctor.
16
SPEAKER_00
And I say, you know, I was briefed, you know, I understand he has congestive heart failure, like, what do we have to do?
16
SPEAKER_00
Can you, like, explain that to me?
16
SPEAKER_00
And they were like, you know what?
16
SPEAKER_00
We re-ran the tests, we had given him a diuretic.
16
SPEAKER_00
Your father had eaten so much sodium in one sitting that it made our, I swear to God, it made our machines convince us that he had congestive heart failure, but in fact, he had eaten so much sodium because of the food that he ate that this diuretic, once the fluid cleared, his heart, he has a slight arrhythmia, but nothing like congestive heart failure that was purely from the sodium.
16
SPEAKER_00
That s crazy.
16
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, Dad, that s fucking nuts.
16
SPEAKER_01
You almost killed yourself with lasagna.
16
SPEAKER_00
With lasagna.
16
SPEAKER_00
And now, and he s extreme, and now my dad s lost 120 pounds, intermittent fasting.
16
SPEAKER_00
He looks phenomenal, but he said he s lightheaded all the time.
16
SPEAKER_00
And I m like, well, what are you eating?
16
SPEAKER_00
And he said, one half of a tuna fish sandwich a day.
16
SPEAKER_00
That s all he eats.
16
SPEAKER_00
Oh, he went the other way.
16
SPEAKER_00
I m like, Dad, can we get a little balance here?
16
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, cuz now you know and he s I and he s like I said, what did you do to lose all this weight?
16
SPEAKER_00
He said I eaten tuna fish sandwich and I walk in the pool I was like, yeah, but dad you re eating you re gonna like you could kill yourself that way.
16
SPEAKER_01
You re gonna fuck your heart up Yeah, man, your body starts robbing its tissue.
16
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, if it doesn t get enough protein he starts eating your muscles
16
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
16
SPEAKER_00
Don t do that.
16
SPEAKER_00
No, I told him to try to eat more.
16
SPEAKER_00
Just eat.
16
SPEAKER_00
I was like, Dad, just eat in those windows.
16
SPEAKER_00
He s like, I want to be ripped.
16
SPEAKER_00
I m like, you re 77 years old and you lost 120 pounds.
16
SPEAKER_00
I was like, you look like you re wearing a dress.
16
SPEAKER_00
It s fat.
16
SPEAKER_00
It s fun.
16
SPEAKER_00
You look great, Dad.
16
SPEAKER_00
It s not about what your abs now.
16
SPEAKER_00
And then, yeah, and they have like a funny relationship.
16
SPEAKER_00
He ll be like, oh, you know, you believe my fucking wife over here is 60.
16
SPEAKER_00
He s like, I should trade her in for two 30 year olds, huh?
16
SPEAKER_00
And then my wife was always like, I d like to see you try you fat fuck.
16
SPEAKER_00
If you could bring home a 30 year old, I ll gladly give you the divorce.
16
SPEAKER_00
And then he ll be like, oh, I m gonna kill him in a barrier in the backyard.
16
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I m like, this is the kind of couple fighting That s just like old school.
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That s fun.
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That s fun to see because I have one example of divorce in my family My mom dad got divorced, but then my dad remarried my stepmom and they ve been married 35 years So I see like kind of two things on like how it works one way and not the other way type thing It s interesting the way that they fight their old dad sounds very
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SPEAKER_00
Extreme gambling now.
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He s addicted to not eating.
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What does that equal though fun that guy?
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Nobody s more fun than my fucking dad.
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I mean wow people are fun.
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They re funny fun guys I mean when I I had my first daughter.
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We told him you know you can t come into the Opera the delivery room you know it s just me
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My girl and my my mom and her mom that s what she wants, you know women and whatever So my dad I tell him that he s like, all right, you know, whatever and then I call him obviously when her water broke we re giving birth and Dude, her water broke in the middle We were watching that movie Mad Max with Tom Hardy and her water broke and we were I love that movie We re right at the end.
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I was like, is there any way we got like 10 minutes left and she was like good
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To the fucking hospital.
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Oh my I know like an idiot so we get but but so so she s giving birth like crowning like it s happening and my dad walked Walks in because he s just like this is my first time.
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It s my grandkid my first grandkid I walk in and I was like dad like you cannot at all be here like and he was like, yes, you know Like you re here.
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I want to be here and I m like nobody feels comfortable like I don t give a fuck but like she doesn t want you here and
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At all and she was like get out of here like it was like this whole thing And then as he s leaving like right before he goes he goes.
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I ll be in I ll be in the waiting room Just let me know and I m like okay You know like we re in the middle of the birth, and he s like by the way Chrissy Yankees got fucking rocked last night you got it this team sucks, and I was like oh
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All right, the nurse everybody s laughing cuz they re like, what is this guy screaming about the Yankees for his birth?
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And then and then um, you know, we had we had my baby and then he was like, he was like, it s a girl I said, yeah And you know great and he was like, ah, man, he was like I was hoping for a boy hoping for a boy I m like you were at the gender reveal you fucking knew
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SPEAKER_00
It was gonna be a girl, dude.
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SPEAKER_00
What do you mean you were hoping for a boy?
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SPEAKER_00
And then he told me, though, he was like, you know, if I was still in the throes of my gambling, he s like, I would have gambled with your uncles on your kid s gender.
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I would have put a bet down.
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I would have had to put my money on it.
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That s how deep it got.
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I was like, that s wild, dude.
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He was like, I would have did it.
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If I wasn t in control, I would have did it.
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SPEAKER_00
I would have gambled on it.
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SPEAKER_00
I would have gambled on the kid s birthday.
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SPEAKER_00
I would have gambled on it all.
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SPEAKER_00
We would have come up with real, you know, he was like, there was action on everything, always.
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SPEAKER_02
Wild action there s action on that impotence court to what have we got now?
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SPEAKER_02
Oh, they re gambling They were gambling on how long they would take to prove if they could actually do it or not Yeah, there was this story of a guy that tried for 15 hours Dude 15 hours try to get it out trying to get I think the French to this day I think you re allowed to cheat on your wife in France as long as you don t
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SPEAKER_00
fall in love with someone else you re allowed to step out and have sex but like it ll get you in trouble but like a night out with the guys drinking beers got you in trouble like you re not going to get divorced unless you fall in love then you re out but i m almost positive french men can have sex with women outside their marriage and their wives don t really care it s just french culture
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SPEAKER_00
You think that s nuts?
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SPEAKER_03
Or not true?
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SPEAKER_03
France is being invaded by Muslims now.
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SPEAKER_03
Not invaded, but I think 25% of France essentially lives under almost a form of Sharia law now.
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SPEAKER_03
Who said that?
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SPEAKER_03
Who was talking about that recently?
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SPEAKER_03
Someone s explaining that to us like how much you know because so many Muslim immigrants have moved in short European places Yeah, and they re trying to change Like they ve changed neighborhoods.
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SPEAKER_03
They ve changed the way people behaved right allowed to behave.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I I was gonna go to
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Dubai just three weeks ago.
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And, you know, it s the most progressive place I think I ve heard in the Middle East.
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SPEAKER_00
But even with that, there was certain, like I couldn t, you know, you know, sometimes I have bets to joke around, like, oh, my friends think I m gay.
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SPEAKER_00
They said, you can t do any of that.
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SPEAKER_00
Do not even mention that on stage.
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SPEAKER_00
Then they said, you know, no jokes about your government, our government.
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SPEAKER_00
Do not mention Muslim faith at all or religion at all.
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SPEAKER_00
And if you take videos of anything,
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Anywhere you can be arrested without the proper permission.
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SPEAKER_00
So really like if you take videos of buildings Yeah, there s a kid tick tocker who who went to prison for a year He s in prison right now because he took unauthorized videos of like the public square in Dubai Yeah, and he got thrown in prison and that hat so all that was happening when I was about to go I had I was going on that we were going on the trip in like two days.
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SPEAKER_00
It was my girl So, how would you have to reorganize your act?
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SPEAKER_00
I?
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SPEAKER_00
So that s what I was like thinking about.
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And I was like, you know, so this was again, just three, three, four weeks ago we were going, I only said yes to the gig because it was my girl s 40th birthday.
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And she was like, what a great, like we should do it in Dubai.
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I was like, I really don t want to go.
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She was like, it s the show is on her birthday, April 17th.
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So, so I was like, all right, we ll go.
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SPEAKER_00
And then, but I was having all this anxiety, not even anxiety.
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SPEAKER_00
It was more like, you know, like one of my, you know, I have a friend who, you know, gay, gay cop, Mateo Lane, you know, Mateo Lane.
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SPEAKER_00
You know Mateo great comic unbelievable comp one of the most talented people I ve ever seen in my life can cook Comedy great comedy fucking and then you know, I was talking to Dubai Talking to the shows in Dubai With him and he was like, yeah, man.
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SPEAKER_00
He was like, I would love to go to Dubai but like I m gay I just I wouldn t even be allowed in right and I was like, oh
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SPEAKER_00
Wow, that s fucking wild that I, why am I going to this place?
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SPEAKER_00
And I m starting to think about it, right?
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SPEAKER_00
Even though I know the people of Dubai are progressive and cool and whatever, but I was like, what, what, what s the point of all this?
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SPEAKER_00
And then that day, the, the, the night before, I m sorry, of our, our flight from JFK to Dubai,
17
SPEAKER_00
Iran and Israel got into that little skirmish, remember that?
17
SPEAKER_00
Where people were like, World War III, Israel s going to invade Iran, Dubai borders with Iran.
17
SPEAKER_00
So I was like, I don t want to go.
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SPEAKER_00
I was like, I know that it s probably safe, but I was like, I actually don t want to be at- why am I going there?
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SPEAKER_00
Why are we going to where there s a possible conflict?
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SPEAKER_00
It s boarding with the country, even though I know Dubai will be safe.
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SPEAKER_00
I know it s a safe place.
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SPEAKER_00
I get it.
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SPEAKER_00
But like, what am I doing over there?
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SPEAKER_00
Why are you and I, me and my girl, going?
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SPEAKER_00
Our kids are back home.
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SPEAKER_00
What happens if there is a war and we can t get home?
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SPEAKER_00
What s the point of all this?
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SPEAKER_00
Like, what is it?
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SPEAKER_00
She was like, you know what like then cancel I just had like this gut feeling and then two days later is when the Dubai airports flooded Did you see all that?
17
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, that s my show got canceled my the venue flooded You could not get anywhere.
17
SPEAKER_00
So and you had already canceled and I had canceled it Anyway, the fear that I had had was Israel Iran, but then two days later it was the flooding and was that because the clouds heating That s what they say
17
SPEAKER_01
Partially, I mean, I m not a hundred percent that but like there was like a weird low-pressure zone where they did cloud seed But the clouds didn t move for a few days or something like that.
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SPEAKER_00
Okay?
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah, so so that s so that s what happened is is it got flooded and I didn t I didn t go okay at all And that s why and that s what you know, that s why Christ that s why I m with Christ
17
SPEAKER_03
Okay.
17
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
17
SPEAKER_03
Let s wrap this up.
17
SPEAKER_00
Chris, great talking to you.
17
SPEAKER_03
Love you, man.
17
SPEAKER_03
Love you too, buddy.
17
SPEAKER_03
Love you, babe.
17
SPEAKER_03
Thank you so much.
17
SPEAKER_03
My pleasure.
17
SPEAKER_03
It was fun.
17
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
17
SPEAKER_03
Bye, everybody.
17
SPEAKER_03
Bye.