0
SPEAKER_00
My name is Lee Hawkins.
0
SPEAKER_00
I ve been a journalist for over 25 years.
0
SPEAKER_00
On my new podcast, What Happened in Alabama, I get answers to some of the hardest questions about how things came to be for many black Americans and the truth that must come before any reconciliation can happen.
0
SPEAKER_00
I investigate my family history, my upbringing in Minnesota, and my father s painful nightmares about growing up in Alabama.
0
SPEAKER_00
What Happened in Alabama is a new series confronting the cycles of trauma for myself, my family, and for many Black Americans.
0
SPEAKER_00
Listen now.
0
SPEAKER_04
Hey, listeners, not to be braggadocious, but Don t Ask Tig has been nominated for another award.
0
SPEAKER_04
This time it s iHeartRadio s 2022 Podcast Awards for Best Advice Slash Inspirational Podcast.
0
SPEAKER_04
We re up against Oprah and Brene Brown.
0
SPEAKER_04
No big deal.
0
SPEAKER_04
We all saw it coming.
0
SPEAKER_04
And by the way, we re also crossing a special milestone today.
0
SPEAKER_04
This is our 50th episode.
0
SPEAKER_04
Please hold your applause.
0
SPEAKER_04
And who better to celebrate 50 episodes with than the one and only Taylor Dane.
0
SPEAKER_04
So if you re new, welcome.
0
SPEAKER_04
And if you ve been listening, thanks for your support.
0
SPEAKER_04
Now on with the 50th show.
0
SPEAKER_04
It s good to see you again.
0
SPEAKER_02
Likewise.
0
SPEAKER_02
It s always good.
0
SPEAKER_02
Quite a while.
0
SPEAKER_02
Oh, but I see you out there and about there, my love.
0
SPEAKER_04
I see you and you ve become quite a part of my life.
0
SPEAKER_01
Amen.
0
SPEAKER_04
This is Don t Ask Tig.
0
SPEAKER_04
I m Tig Notaro, and my new hit single is titled Don t Ask It to My Heart.
0
SPEAKER_04
My guest today is an actress and Grammy-nominated singer-songwriter.
0
SPEAKER_04
She s sold over 75 million records worldwide.
0
SPEAKER_04
Rolling Stone calls her one of the best female dance artists of all time.
0
SPEAKER_04
You may also remember her as the central figure
0
SPEAKER_04
in a story I told on my album, Good One, as well as on an episode of This American Life.
0
SPEAKER_04
She s got one of the most incredible singing and speaking voices I ve ever heard in my life.
0
SPEAKER_04
Taylor Dane, welcome to Don t Ask Tig.
0
SPEAKER_04
Oh.
0
SPEAKER_03
Which voice would you like today, baby?
0
SPEAKER_04
You know me, I ll take whatever I get from you.
0
SPEAKER_04
Man, I love it.
0
SPEAKER_04
I think my story proves that.
0
SPEAKER_04
Absolutely.
0
SPEAKER_03
And God knows what condition I ll be in to give you the answer.
0
SPEAKER_04
Remind me again, how did we meet?
0
SPEAKER_03
I think what was happening is you were doing a lot of stand-up comedy.
0
SPEAKER_03
It was claimed that every time I went into a probably a California chicken cafe or
0
SPEAKER_03
that we d be online at similar times.
0
SPEAKER_03
If you recall, you would come up and ask me, hi, I just have to say part of you, excuse me.
0
SPEAKER_03
I mean, that was your shtick.
0
SPEAKER_03
And then I didn t know about it until, of course, a lot of my friends would be calling me, do you know this comedian Kate Notaro?
0
SPEAKER_03
And she s talking about you in her skits.
0
SPEAKER_03
And I go, oh yeah?
0
SPEAKER_03
about like, well, saying that she was a big fan, but she didn t want to bother you.
0
SPEAKER_03
But she loves your voice.
0
SPEAKER_03
And you said you d see me everywhere.
0
SPEAKER_04
I saw you everywhere, everywhere.
0
SPEAKER_04
It was the most insane thing.
0
SPEAKER_04
And so I think it was that the first time that I did see you was at a party.
0
SPEAKER_04
And when I went up to you, you kind of blew me off at the party.
0
SPEAKER_03
I blew you off.
0
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, you blew me off at the party and I was like, oh, that stung.
0
SPEAKER_04
And so when I kept seeing you, I thought, well, I ll just turn this into a social experiment and I ll ask her the exact same question every single time.
0
SPEAKER_04
So where was it?
0
SPEAKER_04
Was it like a piece of kitchen?
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, yeah.
0
SPEAKER_04
Well, I saw you once at a dinner.
0
SPEAKER_04
You were out with a bunch of friends and I was seated at a table behind you.
0
SPEAKER_04
And I said, so you walked up to our table.
0
SPEAKER_04
No, no, you were sitting behind me.
0
SPEAKER_04
And I turn around, I say, excuse me, I m sorry to bother you, but I just have to tell you, I love your your voice.
0
SPEAKER_04
And you said my speaking voice, because I think you were making a joke because obviously I probably meant your singing voice.
0
SPEAKER_04
And then you said, I don t do that anymore.
0
SPEAKER_04
I act now.
0
SPEAKER_04
And I was like, oh, OK, that s classic, classic Taylor.
0
SPEAKER_04
Oh, man.
0
SPEAKER_04
And that was one of the things that I loved about you when I met you on This American Life, because my fear or concern was if you heard the story that you were going to deny it, that you were going to be one of those people that would deny.
0
SPEAKER_04
And you were like, yeah, that sounds like me.
0
SPEAKER_02
That sounds about right.
0
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_04
And so then I liked you even more.
0
SPEAKER_04
And I loved that you had a sense of humor about it.
0
SPEAKER_03
Absolutely.
0
SPEAKER_04
And so this story follows you around, I imagine.
0
SPEAKER_03
It s brilliant, babe.
0
SPEAKER_03
You put it on the planet.
0
SPEAKER_03
And all I can say is look at us here talking about it 10 years later.
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_03
It s a funny shtick.
0
SPEAKER_04
It s crazy.
0
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_04
It follows me around, too.
0
SPEAKER_04
People come up to me and they re like, excuse me, I m sorry to bother you.
0
SPEAKER_04
Yes.
0
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_04
I have to tell you, I love your voice.
0
SPEAKER_04
And do you fall for it sometimes when people come up and say, excuse me, and then you you don t realize they re about to do that?
0
SPEAKER_03
No, I turn around and I laugh and I go, where s Tay?
0
SPEAKER_03
Are we doing any other podcast?
0
SPEAKER_03
What are we doing?
0
SPEAKER_04
That s hilarious.
0
SPEAKER_04
And what was your real reaction when you first heard that somebody was talking about you, a comedian was talking about you?
0
SPEAKER_04
Did you feel defensive?
0
SPEAKER_03
No, I mean, Sandra Bernhardt used to get a kick out of talking about me, too.
0
SPEAKER_03
I mean, you girls are like peas in the pod.
0
SPEAKER_03
Harrison was more physical comedy, a lot of shtick with that, actually trying to sing.
0
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, yeah.
0
SPEAKER_03
Which I would never do.
0
SPEAKER_03
But, you know, with those big lips and big hair.
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_03
Oh, yeah.
0
SPEAKER_03
She would let it out a bit.
0
SPEAKER_03
No, I got a real kick out of it.
0
SPEAKER_03
Oh, good.
0
SPEAKER_03
But I was also like, holy what did I say to her?
0
SPEAKER_03
Like, God knows what restaurant will be in Indochine.
0
SPEAKER_03
Who knows?
0
SPEAKER_03
And I m like, how many martinis was she in?
0
SPEAKER_03
One, two?
0
SPEAKER_03
Who knows?
0
SPEAKER_03
For me to say something is like, I mean, I was definitely did not know you were a comedian, but who was a comedian that night?
0
SPEAKER_03
Honestly.
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, I know.
0
SPEAKER_03
Sorry to bother you.
0
SPEAKER_03
I really love you boys.
0
SPEAKER_03
You were just coming from pure heart.
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_03
And there I was just blowing up your dream.
0
SPEAKER_04
Just slam dunking slam dunking me.
0
SPEAKER_04
And I walked away still loving you every time.
0
SPEAKER_04
Thank God.
0
SPEAKER_04
So you mentioned in your TED Talk every single you ve ever released has either the word love or heart in it.
0
SPEAKER_04
Why do you suppose that is?
0
SPEAKER_03
Well, I can thank my record company.
0
SPEAKER_03
It s not like you associate me necessarily with Valentine s Day, but there s something... I certainly don t.
0
SPEAKER_03
Most people associate my music with dance, there s upbeat, but think about the Love Will Lead You Back, the I ll Always Love You s.
0
SPEAKER_03
These are very heartfelt songs.
0
SPEAKER_03
The best.
0
SPEAKER_03
When we wrote the TED Talk and when I was writing it, I was like, what is this?
0
SPEAKER_03
Tell it to my heart, prove your love, love will lead you back, I ll always love you.
0
SPEAKER_03
I was like, this is getting ridiculous.
0
SPEAKER_03
It seems to be the universal language.
0
SPEAKER_04
What is your favorite song of yours?
0
SPEAKER_03
I think of it more in terms of performing it live now because that s really where the
0
SPEAKER_03
you know, after 25, 30 years with some of these beautiful gems.
0
SPEAKER_03
Live, I love doing Shelter.
0
SPEAKER_03
I ll be your shelter.
0
SPEAKER_04
That is my favorite song of yours.
0
SPEAKER_04
Are you serious?
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh, one million percent.
0
SPEAKER_01
Honey, I ll be your shelter.
0
SPEAKER_01
I ll be the one to take you through the night.
0
SPEAKER_01
Night, night.
0
SPEAKER_01
Whenever you need shelter, I ll make everything all right.
0
SPEAKER_01
Make everything all right.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
Na, na, na, na, na, na.
0
SPEAKER_04
Have I ever mentioned how much I love your voice?
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, baby, you have.
0
SPEAKER_03
And I m honored and you re such a
0
SPEAKER_03
You re such a dynamo, boo.
0
SPEAKER_04
Oh, my.
0
SPEAKER_04
That song is so incredible.
0
SPEAKER_04
That s so special to know that it s yours as well.
0
SPEAKER_03
Really is.
0
SPEAKER_03
It s really great song written by Diane Warren.
0
SPEAKER_03
Amazing songwriter.
0
SPEAKER_04
Oh, my gosh.
0
SPEAKER_04
She s incredible.
0
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_03
She doesn t stop.
0
SPEAKER_04
Now, you re a single mom to a boy and a girl, teenage fraternal twins.
0
SPEAKER_03
Last teenage year, you re right.
0
SPEAKER_03
But mine are 19, almost 20.
0
SPEAKER_04
That s insane.
0
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, babe.
0
SPEAKER_04
I also have fraternal twins.
0
SPEAKER_04
I don t know if you know that.
0
SPEAKER_03
I don t.
0
SPEAKER_04
I have two five-year-old boys now.
0
SPEAKER_04
So what s your advice to single parents out there?
0
SPEAKER_03
Listen, it s not about being a single parent.
0
SPEAKER_03
It s about being a parent, period.
0
SPEAKER_03
Uh-huh.
0
SPEAKER_03
This is definitely the most challenging and overwhelming and beautiful and vulnerable part of my last 20 years of my life.
0
SPEAKER_03
As a single mom, I got every piece of them, every chunk of it.
0
SPEAKER_03
But I also was very determined to be a mother.
0
SPEAKER_03
I went for one.
0
SPEAKER_03
I ended up having the twins.
0
SPEAKER_03
I did a surrogacy in the day, which was very unusual.
0
SPEAKER_03
the type of fertility.
0
SPEAKER_03
And it was, yeah, that was over 20 years ago.
0
SPEAKER_03
And it was only legal here in California and Delaware at the time.
0
SPEAKER_03
And as a single parent, I only could find one agency where there weren t many to represent me.
0
SPEAKER_03
And it took months, months, you know, on a waiting list.
0
SPEAKER_03
And so these kids were very wanted.
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_03
At least one of them.
0
SPEAKER_03
That s what I tell them.
0
SPEAKER_03
But that s funny that you had two boys because they told me for six months, six months, I was having two boys.
0
SPEAKER_03
And you know it, after going through this procedure, how closely they re watched, you know?
0
SPEAKER_03
Oh, yeah.
0
SPEAKER_03
We think it s all scientific breakdown, but there are those moments and those miracles where there s unexplainable stuff.
0
SPEAKER_03
And it was pretty, because, I mean, I saw two penises.
0
SPEAKER_03
Every time you do the ultrasound and the amnio, right, you know, you know what you know.
0
SPEAKER_04
That s where I wouldn t be helpful.
0
SPEAKER_04
I d be like, I don t know what I m looking at.
0
SPEAKER_04
Well, agreed.
0
SPEAKER_03
But I mean, at that point, the doctor s going, there s two penises.
0
SPEAKER_03
Cause you re like, what am I having?
0
SPEAKER_03
I m, you know, since now it s two, it s not 14, because you know, when they re giving you those first numbers, I don t know.
0
SPEAKER_03
You re like, is that how you eat kids?
0
SPEAKER_03
Am I having, what am I having triplets?
0
SPEAKER_03
I was like calling my brothers.
0
SPEAKER_03
You re going to take one, right?
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_03
You re taking one.
0
SPEAKER_04
We were open to triplets, too.
0
SPEAKER_04
We were.
0
SPEAKER_04
I mean, after having twins were like, oh, my gosh, I m so glad we didn t have triplets.
0
SPEAKER_03
But where would you even put the third one on the roof?
0
SPEAKER_03
Like, I just don t get it.
0
SPEAKER_04
Honestly, I know I ve seen like videos on YouTube with people with multiples where they line the babies up and they
0
SPEAKER_04
feed the babies down the line, they change the diapers down the line, they give the bath down the line, and it s just like wild.
0
SPEAKER_03
That s why women get two nipples, not eight.
0
SPEAKER_03
I guess that s true.
0
SPEAKER_03
Bottom line.
0
SPEAKER_04
I ve honestly never thought about that.
0
SPEAKER_03
Well, let s break it down.
0
SPEAKER_04
Now, Taylor, this is an advice podcast, so are you ready to help me help my listeners?
0
SPEAKER_04
Well, only you know what s possible could come out of my mouth, but absolutely.
0
SPEAKER_04
The first question is from someone who could really use your musical expertise.
0
SPEAKER_04
Marie writes, one of my best friends in the whole world is getting married, and she asked me to play guitar and sing during her and her future husband s first dance.
0
SPEAKER_04
This is the greatest honor of my life, and I would love nothing more.
0
SPEAKER_04
However, I m not a performer.
0
SPEAKER_04
I play and sing for fun, but performing in front of a live audience is new territory for me.
0
SPEAKER_04
I have debilitating stage fright, often shaking and quivering when doing small class presentations, even on Zoom.
0
SPEAKER_04
I know I can sing and play the song she requested, but how do I overcome my severe stage fright?
0
SPEAKER_04
Please help.
0
SPEAKER_03
Well, first of all,
0
SPEAKER_03
Just let s break this down.
0
SPEAKER_03
Obviously, if it s really debilitating, I mean, obviously you re saying it in such a way that it s believably tough.
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_03
So my point is, if this isn t a show, you re with family and friends.
0
SPEAKER_03
This isn t a performance.
0
SPEAKER_03
So first, just take that in and just acknowledge that they re not there to just watch you.
0
SPEAKER_03
They re watching the first dance.
0
SPEAKER_03
So all eyes, believe it or not, are going to be on your beautiful friends, their marriage, their first dance together.
0
SPEAKER_03
And it d be nothing short of just being such service and beautiful in the background, knowing that you re performing this and playing the song that they can merge and, you know, share their love with you with.
0
SPEAKER_03
And, you know, the camera might be rolling on you with friends and family at their wedding, but it s not a performance.
0
SPEAKER_03
So don t think of it that way.
0
SPEAKER_03
And just think of it as a beautiful sharing opportunity with friends and family.
0
SPEAKER_03
Believe me, I think about how many times I ve been asked to sing it.
0
SPEAKER_03
I m like, Hey man,
0
SPEAKER_03
I m like, I ll sit at the table or you can pull a Taylor Dane.
0
SPEAKER_03
You sit at the table and say, press the mic to me.
0
SPEAKER_03
So nobody will take them 20 minutes to figure out where you re seated.
0
SPEAKER_03
No lights on you.
0
SPEAKER_03
And then by the time it s over.
0
SPEAKER_03
Nobody will know it was you.
0
SPEAKER_04
I just want to say that I think that s tremendous advice because I agree and that Marie, it s not, and this is no offense to you, but it s not about you.
0
SPEAKER_03
No.
0
SPEAKER_04
Like Taylor said, all eyes are going to be on your friends and it is such an incredible gift to be a part of that moment with them.
0
SPEAKER_04
Absolutely.
0
SPEAKER_04
and I bet you will be forever grateful that you were included in that moment.
0
SPEAKER_04
I will say, and I m curious how you feel, Taylor, if Marie feels like she s going to lose control of her bodily functions and be unable to do this, should she back out or should she just have faith in herself and just make it happen?
0
SPEAKER_03
If she can t physically do it, you can t physically do it.
0
SPEAKER_03
But
0
SPEAKER_03
It just seems to me that you re just you re more on the fence because it s just a fearful opportunity for you.
0
SPEAKER_03
But if it would bring you nothing but joy because you said that and make you the happiest person in the world, that s what you re sharing.
0
SPEAKER_03
And that s what people really take away from it.
0
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, you got to do it, Marie.
0
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, for real.
0
SPEAKER_04
And look, Taylor has sung for millions of people, so follow her advice.
0
SPEAKER_04
I should have gotten you to sing at my wedding.
0
SPEAKER_04
What was I thinking?
0
SPEAKER_04
Dude, what were you thinking?
0
SPEAKER_04
I don t know.
0
SPEAKER_04
God.
0
SPEAKER_04
Hello.
0
SPEAKER_04
Taylor, stay with me after a short break.
0
SPEAKER_04
We will be back with more questions.
0
SPEAKER_04
All right, we are back.
0
SPEAKER_04
Taylor Dane, our next question is from a listener in Utah.
0
SPEAKER_04
Allison writes, my body type is Winnie the Pooh.
0
SPEAKER_04
Skinny legs, no ass, big belly.
0
SPEAKER_04
In the past, I ve been able to slim down by doing very restrictive diets.
0
SPEAKER_04
I felt sexy and happy, but I was also filled with anxiety about accidentally gaining the weight back, which I did.
0
SPEAKER_04
Should I yet again become a sexy health fanatic or should I accept my poonis and just enjoy whiskey, chocolate and honey treats?
0
SPEAKER_03
Wow.
0
SPEAKER_03
All right.
0
SPEAKER_03
So the alternative to getting in shape and being healthy is to be a what?
0
SPEAKER_03
What did she say was her last thing?
0
SPEAKER_03
Should I just what?
0
SPEAKER_04
Should she accept her poo-ness and just enjoy whiskey, chocolate, and honey treats?
0
SPEAKER_04
She s basically saying that she has to either be on a restrictive diet or have a Winnie the Pooh belly and just eat chocolate and honey treats and drink whiskey.
0
SPEAKER_03
I don t think you should give up and be Winnie the Pooh.
0
SPEAKER_03
I mean, Pooh s happy, but all he is is sucking on honey all day.
0
SPEAKER_04
And it can t be terribly healthy to just have whiskey, chocolate and honey treats.
0
SPEAKER_04
No.
0
SPEAKER_04
And it can t be terribly healthy to be restricting yourself in a way that is causing anxiety and fear of gaining weight and, you know, whatever it is.
0
SPEAKER_03
Did she say she was in a restricted diet that was torturing her?
0
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_04
She said, I felt sexy and happy, but I was also filled with anxiety about accidentally gaining the weight back.
0
SPEAKER_03
That s something different.
0
SPEAKER_03
accidentally gaining the weight back.
0
SPEAKER_03
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_03
She felt sexy and happy.
0
SPEAKER_03
So do you want to accept yourself and have no anxiety and no happiness and no sexiness?
0
SPEAKER_03
You know, everybody has a list of priorities.
0
SPEAKER_03
Zero in on what your priority is.
0
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, I think people have to realize that aside from eating, you can t sit still.
0
SPEAKER_04
And I always talk about the idea of use it or lose it.
0
SPEAKER_04
And that has to do with not just your body, but you have to use it or lose it with your relationships, with your brain, with your ability to love everything you do.
0
SPEAKER_04
If you don t use it, it s going to go away.
0
SPEAKER_04
And I highly recommend
0
SPEAKER_04
That, uh...
1
SPEAKER_02
that you not turn into Winnie the Pooh, and that you don t terribly restrict yourself, but incorporate some fruits and vegetables and nuts and seeds and things like that, and keep your body moving.
1
SPEAKER_02
And that s what I would say.
1
SPEAKER_02
Use it or lose it.
1
SPEAKER_02
And just think about that with every aspect of your life.
1
SPEAKER_03
I like it.
1
SPEAKER_03
I like that in every aspect of your life because you re right, you use this, you use these tools, you build that muscle up within yourself emotionally, spiritually, physically.
1
SPEAKER_03
And you get more out of it, you really do.
1
SPEAKER_03
You get more out of it when you put in.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, it s like when you live alone, you don t really have to check in with anybody.
1
SPEAKER_02
And so you lose that ability to negotiate.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, you re right.
1
SPEAKER_02
You have to stay engaged.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
Allison, we could all stand to be a little more like Winnie the Pooh, but use it, don t lose it.
1
SPEAKER_02
All right, Taylor, this next one comes from Trace.
1
SPEAKER_02
Trace writes, in a group setting, I took some thorough testing to see what jobs or careers suited my personality.
1
SPEAKER_02
Everyone but me got results that were reasonable.
1
SPEAKER_02
My highest scores directed me to the, quote unquote, job of religious leader.
1
SPEAKER_02
Sorry to laugh, Trace.
1
SPEAKER_02
As an agnostic lesbian with love in her heart, I felt kind of disappointed with that suggestion.
1
SPEAKER_02
Any advice?
1
SPEAKER_03
Oh, this is so loaded, but it s really not.
1
SPEAKER_03
I mean, there s truth to it.
1
SPEAKER_03
You obviously are a spiritual, caring person.
1
SPEAKER_03
I don t know about religious leader, what that means, if that s interpreted that way.
1
SPEAKER_02
Right.
1
SPEAKER_02
Well, it seems like you might have to adjust things a bit and see what might be similar to that.
1
SPEAKER_02
I mean, I feel like a religious leader could translate to a teacher.
1
SPEAKER_02
Totally.
1
SPEAKER_03
A life coach.
1
SPEAKER_03
There s so many ways.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
You have to not take it for exactly that.
1
SPEAKER_02
Agreed.
1
SPEAKER_02
There also might be
1
SPEAKER_02
I don t know, maybe take another test.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, that doesn t go false positive, it falls negative on you.
1
SPEAKER_03
Exactly.
1
SPEAKER_02
When I was just talking about the last person that wrote in talking about diet and during the pandemic, as many of you know, I got my certificate in plant-based nutrition.
1
SPEAKER_02
And so I want to help people.
1
SPEAKER_02
And if people are interested in that kind of eating,
1
SPEAKER_02
then I want to be there for them.
1
SPEAKER_02
And so that could be considered like a religious leader because you re taking charge and you re trying to educate and guide people in one way or the other if they want your guidance.
1
SPEAKER_02
So
1
SPEAKER_02
See if there s anything like that.
1
SPEAKER_02
Maybe it s music.
1
SPEAKER_02
Maybe you re a music teacher.
1
SPEAKER_02
I don t know, but I would agree.
1
SPEAKER_02
An agnostic person probably isn t going to just go and get a job as a religious leader or start your own cult.
1
SPEAKER_02
But Trace, take the test with a grain of salt.
1
SPEAKER_02
It s kind of like how you take my advice with a grain of salt.
1
SPEAKER_02
Taylor, this is our last listener question.
1
SPEAKER_02
It s a voicemail.
1
SPEAKER_02
And it s also what we around here call a boy.
1
SPEAKER_01
Hi, my name is Carol.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m calling from New York City.
1
SPEAKER_01
I have a question.
1
SPEAKER_01
I am a product of a one-night stand tryst in New York City.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m 56 years old.
1
SPEAKER_01
New York City, 1964.
1
SPEAKER_01
And never knew my dad.
1
SPEAKER_01
Totally cool with that.
1
SPEAKER_01
Not a big deal.
1
SPEAKER_01
But now, because I did Ancestry.com, I actually found my dad.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I have contact information for him that I could use to reach out to him.
1
SPEAKER_01
He is still alive.
1
SPEAKER_01
I found some second cousins.
1
SPEAKER_01
I also found what I ve now discovered are two sisters, half sisters.
1
SPEAKER_01
So my question is, do I reach out?
1
SPEAKER_01
My concern is that I m going to completely blow up their family by doing so.
1
SPEAKER_01
But on the other hand, I am so curious to meet these siblings.
1
SPEAKER_01
And ironically, they all live within about two hours of where my mom lives.
1
SPEAKER_01
So weird and kind of creepy.
1
SPEAKER_02
Wow.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, man, Carol, that s a lot.
1
SPEAKER_02
That s you ve got a situation on your hands.
1
SPEAKER_02
I mean, I feel like I would personally reach out to him only because it ll be his choice if he wants to include the rest of his family.
1
SPEAKER_03
Right.
1
SPEAKER_02
But it kind of goes along with that idea of if you re mature enough to be having sex, you re mature enough to find out that this happened, whatever age you are.
1
SPEAKER_02
And it doesn t mean that you have to go and contact
1
SPEAKER_02
his extended family and his children.
1
SPEAKER_02
But I think starting with him, and just getting a gauge of his feelings about it, and then deciding whether or not you wanna explore whatever possibilities or shut it down.
1
SPEAKER_02
But I think that you should be potentially open to shutting it down, because if he s not open to it, then you don t wanna go in and blow up an entire family.
1
SPEAKER_02
But I think that he s the one that, um...
1
SPEAKER_03
the connection is with.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I think that s the direct connection.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I would say begin there.
1
SPEAKER_02
But I mean, it s like if he shuts it down, are you going to be a lunatic that goes and reaches out to his kids and is you know what I mean?
1
SPEAKER_02
It s like that would be weird.
1
SPEAKER_02
They re not the ones that.
1
SPEAKER_02
you know, he s he s the one that had this tryst or whatever.
1
SPEAKER_02
So that s my feeling.
1
SPEAKER_02
And personally, if I were him, I would welcome it.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I have actually a childhood friend who had a baby when we were 15 years old and she had an open adoption.
1
SPEAKER_02
But
1
SPEAKER_02
The people that adopted her baby didn t really keep the two of them in touch, even though it was an open adoption.
1
SPEAKER_02
I think that s what happened is the parents that adopted the baby didn t hold up their end of the deal.
1
SPEAKER_02
And then just over this pandemic, the little baby who is a grown woman got in touch with my.
1
SPEAKER_02
childhood friend.
1
SPEAKER_02
I remember my friend telling me, oh my gosh, I ve never told my sons about the baby I put up for adoption when I was 15 and all these people in her life didn t know.
1
SPEAKER_02
I was like, I can feel it in my gut that your sons
1
SPEAKER_02
would love and accept you, and sure enough, I mean, it s the greatest thing that has happened to her.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I know it s a different story, but it s still a complicated situation.
1
SPEAKER_02
What is your feeling, Taylor?
1
SPEAKER_03
I completely agree with you.
1
SPEAKER_03
I think it has to start with the father.
1
SPEAKER_03
I mean, if that is really where the DNA, regardless of the extension from there, I agree with you.
1
SPEAKER_03
Test the waters there.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
And that s fair.
1
SPEAKER_02
It could be a really cool, exciting thing.
1
SPEAKER_03
Or it could be the next, you know, Netflix series I m watching.
1
SPEAKER_02
I can guarantee you that.
1
SPEAKER_02
Or you you might meet your father and be like, I don t want to be in touch with this guy.
1
SPEAKER_03
I was going to say that, too.
1
SPEAKER_03
No, thank you.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
And I don t think it s weird that your grandma lives near.
1
SPEAKER_03
None of that seems like.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, I don t take that.
1
SPEAKER_03
None of that is weird and bizarre.
1
SPEAKER_03
It s just this is your story.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, it s equally your story as it is your father s story.
1
SPEAKER_02
To protect him is denying yourself your story.
1
SPEAKER_02
That s why I think it s important that if you have this interest, you should reach out to him because it is your story.
1
SPEAKER_02
It s your experience.
1
SPEAKER_02
This is his story, his experience, but he s not opening that part of the book.
1
SPEAKER_02
Or knew about it.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, exactly.
1
SPEAKER_02
Maybe didn t know about it.
1
SPEAKER_02
But I do think that you can t deny yourself your part in a story.
1
SPEAKER_02
That s important to think about.
1
SPEAKER_02
But I m thrilled that you reached out and I m very curious to hear what goes on.
1
SPEAKER_02
And like Taylor said, we d tune in if this is the next Netflix series or
1
SPEAKER_02
whatever network.
1
SPEAKER_02
All right, Carol, good luck.
1
SPEAKER_02
And Taylor, I have one last segment before I let you go.
1
SPEAKER_02
No problem.
1
SPEAKER_02
I m in love in this.
1
SPEAKER_02
This final segment is best advice in a song.
1
SPEAKER_03
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_02
What s the best wisdom you ve ever heard in the lyrics of a song?
1
SPEAKER_03
Oh my God.
1
SPEAKER_03
Are you kidding me?
1
SPEAKER_03
Anything from bridge over troubled water to hey Jude, right.
1
SPEAKER_03
To Joni Mitchell river.
1
SPEAKER_03
or a case of you, you know, I could drink a case of you and still be on my feet.
1
SPEAKER_03
I d still be on my feet.
1
SPEAKER_03
That s just the exhilarating feeling when you re with somebody, you know, that feeling, or when you re weary, feeling small and, you know, when tears are in your eyes, or you make a natural woman looking out in the pouring rain.
1
SPEAKER_03
I can t count.
1
SPEAKER_03
It s countless.
1
SPEAKER_03
Close to you from Karen Carpenter.
1
SPEAKER_03
Why do birds suddenly appear when you were, you know,
1
SPEAKER_03
every time you re near.
1
SPEAKER_02
I can t think of, what is his name?
1
SPEAKER_02
I m embarrassed that I m forgetting his name, but it s that line, I want to go where the weather suits my clothes.
1
SPEAKER_02
Aw.
1
SPEAKER_02
You know that line?
1
SPEAKER_02
I don t, but it s poetry, baby.
1
SPEAKER_02
I just love that because I really enjoy fall clothes.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
I always think about that as like, man, I got to get out there.
1
SPEAKER_02
I got to get where my clothes make sense.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I got to go where it fits my clothes.
1
SPEAKER_02
It s Harry Nilsson, Everybody s Talking.
1
SPEAKER_02
You know that song?
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, of course.
1
SPEAKER_03
Everybody s talking.
1
SPEAKER_03
I don t want to hear about.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, it s a genius song.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
Only the colors of my mind.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
Oh, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
So good.
1
SPEAKER_02
You should do a cover of that.
1
SPEAKER_02
Sounds so good.
1
SPEAKER_03
Deep cut.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
I think we re launching into a new type of podcast.
1
Shout out.
1
SPEAKER_02
Shout outs with Tig and Taylor.
1
SPEAKER_02
Taylor, before we go, do you have anything you would like to let our listeners know about?
1
SPEAKER_02
Anything to promote?
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
I am in the studio right now with the wonderful Greg Fields, the nine-time Grammy winner.
1
SPEAKER_03
We are working on some incredible new music and I m really excited.
1
SPEAKER_03
We re in production phase of it and I ll be in Capitol Records next week doing a little bit more recording vocals.
1
SPEAKER_03
Some of the songs are covers and some of them are originals.
1
SPEAKER_03
It s really niche.
1
SPEAKER_03
It s going to be a vocal, real experiment for me to really put my voice first.
1
SPEAKER_03
instead of production.
1
SPEAKER_03
It ll be very interesting.
1
SPEAKER_03
I m very proud of it.
1
SPEAKER_02
I cannot wait to hear that.
1
SPEAKER_02
And then are you are you going to be live anywhere?
1
SPEAKER_02
Of course.
1
SPEAKER_03
Back on the road.
1
SPEAKER_03
Twenty two.
1
SPEAKER_03
Twenty twenty two is looking really good and we re back at it.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
Things are opening up.
1
SPEAKER_02
Nice.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I can t wait to hear your Harry Nilsson cover of Everybody s Talking.
1
SPEAKER_03
Dude, just write a list of stuff and we ll just check.
1
SPEAKER_03
All right.
1
SPEAKER_03
Sing this song.
1
SPEAKER_02
Taylor, that s the end of our show.
1
SPEAKER_02
And it was an absolute pleasure to see you again.
1
SPEAKER_02
Absolute pleasure.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I do all these years later.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
Love your voice so much.
1
SPEAKER_02
Every time I I mean, people send me videos of just their radio station, nothing going on, just like in their car.
1
SPEAKER_02
And they send me a video of the radio and then your music blaring and people will text that to me or tag me in it.
1
SPEAKER_02
Because they just want to hear you say what?
1
SPEAKER_02
Excuse me.
1
SPEAKER_02
I m sorry to bother you.
1
SPEAKER_02
I have to tell you, I love your voice.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, which voice?
1
SPEAKER_02
I love both.
1
SPEAKER_02
I love it.
1
SPEAKER_02
I m endlessly appreciative of the time that you give me and the sense of humor that you have about our past and the story I tell.
1
SPEAKER_02
Love it.
1
SPEAKER_02
and your openness.
1
SPEAKER_02
So thank you.
1
SPEAKER_02
Amen.
1
SPEAKER_03
And likewise, my love.
1
SPEAKER_03
I m glad you re feeling great.
1
SPEAKER_03
It s always great to see you.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, you too.
1
SPEAKER_02
Thank you so much.
1
SPEAKER_02
All right.
1
SPEAKER_04
That s what you are
1
SPEAKER_02
Don t Ask Tig is hosted by me, Tig Notaro.
1
SPEAKER_02
It s produced by Thomas Ouellette, Shana Deloria, and Ryan Lohr.
1
SPEAKER_02
Our executive producer and editor is Beth Perlman.
1
SPEAKER_02
Engineering and sound mixing by Johnny Vince Evans and Eric Romani.
1
SPEAKER_02
Digital production by James Napoli.
1
SPEAKER_02
Talent booking by Marianne Ways.
1
SPEAKER_02
Production support from Pizza Shark and Dan LaTue.
1
SPEAKER_02
Our theme music is Friend and Tig by Edie Burkell and Kyle Crusham, and Listen to Your Heart by Edie Burkell.
1
SPEAKER_02
Special thanks to Hunter Seidman.
1
SPEAKER_02
APM Studios executives in charge are Lily Kim, Alex Schaffert, and Joanne Griffith.
1
SPEAKER_02
Concept developed by Tracy Mumford.
1
SPEAKER_02
Our executive consultant is Dean Capello and Gobsmack Studios.
1
SPEAKER_02
You can always ask for advice at DontAskTig.org.
1
SPEAKER_02
Just write in with your problem or send us a voice memo.
1
SPEAKER_02
Remember to follow us on social media at DontAskTig.
1
SPEAKER_02
DontAskTig is a production of American Public Media.
1
SPEAKER_02
And as always, thanks Dana, and I ll tell Becky.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m Christina Cauterucci, and this season on Slow Burn.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s called Proposition 6.
1
SPEAKER_03
The Briggs Initiative.
1
SPEAKER_03
John Briggs is going to fire every gay and lesbian schoolteacher in California.
1
SPEAKER_00
With so much at stake, young people became activists.
1
SPEAKER_00
We can t let this happen in California.
1
SPEAKER_00
And activists became leaders.
1
SPEAKER_04
My name is Harvey Milk, and I m here to include you!
1
SPEAKER_00
Slow Burn, Season 9.
1
SPEAKER_00
Gays Against Briggs.
1
SPEAKER_00
Out now, wherever you listen.