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My name is Lee Hawkins.
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I ve been a journalist for over 25 years.
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On my new podcast, What Happened in Alabama, I get answers to some of the hardest questions about how things came to be for many black Americans and the truth that must come before any reconciliation can happen.
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I investigate my family history, my upbringing in Minnesota, and my father s painful nightmares about growing up in Alabama.
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What Happened in Alabama is a new series confronting the cycles of trauma for myself, my family, and for many Black Americans.
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Listen now.
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Hey, Don t Ask Tig fans, it s your friend Tig.
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I wanted to go back to my episode with Ron Funches when a listener named Carrie wrote in asking for Los Angeles travel advice.
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I told Carrie to go to a very specific spot, the display window of a shoe store on Beverly Boulevard.
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Well, I ve got some sad news for Carrie and everyone else.
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The shoe store, or it s actually, it s a cobbler named Roberto s.
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It has sadly closed.
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And I didn t know it because I ve been in New Orleans for the past three months on and off filming a movie.
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And when I got home, I passed it and I saw that it had closed.
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I know it sounds ridiculous, but it was one of my favorite,
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Windows to look into.
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The window dressing was so incredible.
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If I can find an old picture of it, I will post it on social media.
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So look out for that photo if I can find it.
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And Carrie, I hope you still enjoyed your visit to LA.
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And wherever you live, Carrie, I hope that my tour, called Hello Again, will be coming through your city.
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and everyone else s city.
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I m going to all these major markets, a few Canadian cities.
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Go to Tignotaro.com for all show information.
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There s links to get your tickets.
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Maybe you don t know what to get people for the holidays.
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I know what to get them.
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Tickets to my show.
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And it s my Hello Again Tour.
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And you must come and see why it s called Hello Again.
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I know you probably think, I know why it s called this.
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Maybe you do.
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I doubt you do.
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But come say hello to my face, all right?
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Now, on with the show.
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I still co-host a weekly show here in Brooklyn that we started back up live.
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And that s been really nice, just being around comedians and being in a show environment.
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But I ve just been hosting.
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I haven t really been doing my own material.
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And it makes me miss it a bit.
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Whose material have you been doing?
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I ve been doing
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I ve just been listening to other comics and then just like repurposing their jokes.
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You ve been known for that for years.
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You re good at it.
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This is Don t Ask Tig.
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I m Tig Notaro.
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And I m wondering if I should call fans of the show Don t Astronauts.
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Let me know what you think or don t.
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My guest today is a comedian who played the belabored HR rep, Grace, on the Comedy Central show, Corporate.
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You can also hear her as the voice of Hollyhock on BoJack Horseman and watch her standup special on Netflix.
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My dear, dear old pal, Aparna Nanchurla.
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I m so happy to have you on the show today.
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I m happy to be here in this virtual environment.
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I know.
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I don t think I ve interacted with you virtually or at all in the pandemic.
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No.
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I haven t seen you, haven t talked to you.
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You know how you decide some people you re just gonna cut out?
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It s not worth it.
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So we were like, I think we re at that stage.
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Our friendship had definitely come to the point where it was like, we need to go deeper, just cut this off.
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And we both, without discussion, decided to cut each other loose.
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Yeah, which ironically is a sign we re really on the same wavelength.
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That is ironic, isn t it?
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Aparna, how are you?
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How s it going?
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I cannot complain.
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I was writing a book when the pandemic started, and I will say it is one activity that was not severely impacted by having to change our lifestyles completely.
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It turns out you can write a book from the comfort of your own home.
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Mm-hmm.
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Yeah.
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But I know you ve written a book and not to ask you advice on your own advice show, but if you have any advice for writing a book, I could still use all the help I can get.
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You know, I had a friend of mine who is an editor.
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She s edited, you know, columns and books.
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And, um, and I hired her on my book because I d known her for like 20 years to really help me
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examine my life and dig stories and just things out of me that were really helpful because, you know, it s kind of like writing stand-up where you are so used to something that happened in your life or telling a story off stage that you don t even realize it would be funny on stage.
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It s just a part of your living and breathing.
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Yeah.
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And my friend was really helpful in pointing out those things about me and my life and also remembering that really basic and sometimes frustrating thing of just showing up.
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Yeah.
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Get you through a process.
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Yeah.
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That s what I found out with writing that book, which took me four years.
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And it s a book that you could read in an afternoon by a pool.
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That s the hardest thing I ve ever done in my life.
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Oh, it s so hard.
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I think I m on year two now.
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So I m getting there.
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Yeah.
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But I think you re right.
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The showing up is really important.
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And I think because it s such a different muscle than stand up where people are depending on you to show up and you re kind of just responsible to yourself to put in the time, it makes it so much harder.
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And there isn t like a group of people to applaud you for showing up.
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Yeah, you re showing up totally for yourself privately at home, and it s a whole different thing.
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Yeah.
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Also knowing really what to edit out, because after four years, so much of what I wrote, I went back and was like,
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Why on earth would I spend this much time on this person?
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Or this moment?
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And that s what s really nice too, in taking four years to write a book, is that you can narrow it down to what s important for the book.
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Yeah, it feels like when you re just getting it all out, you re like that terrible person at a party who tells a story by including everything not needed.
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Yes, I know.
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When you edit it, you re just like, what was I even trying to say?
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This doesn t have a point.
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You re lucky that those people only show up to parties.
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I find them everywhere, every day.
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The excess information.
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I don t even go to that many parties.
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I said that to sound more relatable.
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And I was looking at you thinking, I know she doesn t party.
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What is she talking about?
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So this makes it even more minimal, the amount that you re running into these people that don t know how to edit.
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No, I run into them like on a plane or... They re everywhere, Aparna.
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They re everywhere.
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Aparna, they re everywhere.
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And people are listening to this part right now going, God, edit yourselves, ladies.
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Wrap it up.
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Wrap it up.
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Now, speaking of partying, you ve talked about how you were a shy kid growing up and being too nervous to even hand a Pizza Hut cashier money.
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How do you imagine that shyness shaped your comedy?
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I think it just made me very, and I don t even think this is that rare among comedians, but it just made me a very keen observer of other people because I constantly felt kind of on the outside of other people s like easy ability to kind of just integrate themselves in social situations.
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So I always felt like I was studying other people and the way they behave to kind of get clues almost as to how to act.
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So yeah, I mean, I was a psychology major in college.
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So I think just human behavior in general kind of fascinates me, especially the way we interact with each other.
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It s an interesting way to look at it.
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Yeah.
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And it is funny because people are always like, oh, well, one way to, you know, ingratiate yourself to people is just really listen and ask good questions.
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And I was like, I don t know if that s true because I m a pretty good listener, but I don t think it s like one me a bunch of friends.
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But you re very popular.
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You have a good gaggle of pals and people like you.
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Oh sure, but I guess it makes me feel like listening is the key to like becoming this, you know, mogul of friendship and I don t think that s true.
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I just picture you surrounded by just hordes of friends and you re like, one at a time.
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Hold on.
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I m listening.
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I m listening to Charlie right now.
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Aparna.
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Aparna.
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I have a story to tell.
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I want to hear it.
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I can t wait to hear it.
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But I m listening to Maribel right now.
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I make everyone stand in line.
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No, no, it s not a line.
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It s like you re in the middle of a circle of people just pulling at you, tugging at the back of your shirt and the front of your shirt and your pant leg.
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That just sounds like the internet.
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That was the first iteration of the internet.
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Now the Boston Globe recently published an op-ed with an accompanying photo of you declaring that we re in a golden age of mental health comedy and that stand-ups and other funny people are performing a revolutionary service for public health.
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Wow.
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Do you agree with that?
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It s surprising to me that I have talked about mental health in my own struggles with mental illness in my act, but I don t feel like I was a pioneer in that sense.
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Like I felt like I had role models who had done it before, like Maria Bamford, Patton Oswalt I know, and Mark Maron have all talked about.
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mental health, among many other people, Gary Goldman, there s several.
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And I think I was just like, Oh, I guess I ll just add my two cents to this conversation.
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But I, I didn t realize that, like we, it sort of hadn t peaked yet as a societal topic, which even just feels weird to say, because it s something that s very real that people struggle with.
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And it s strange to think of it as like trending well, or something.
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Yeah, I think there s certain there s there s things that happen within our comedy community that
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probably it takes a beat for it to reach the masses.
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And so we just think it s like, oh yeah, this has been going on for a long time.
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Maria Bamford s been doing this forever and then the world might still be like, who s Maria Bamford?
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Or who s this person?
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Which is a shame if anybody doesn t know who Maria Bamford is.
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I can t talk enough about my love for her.
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Aparna, do people typically ask you for advice?
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I think because of what I was saying before, where I m a good listener, for some reason, it feels like when we do talk, since I usually don t talk as much maybe as the other person, they seem to imbue whatever I say with more wisdom, even though I don t
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That s always accurate.
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And are you a good listener or are you just polite and you re listening?
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I don t even think I m polite.
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I think I m just so in my own head that I m looking.
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I have a good listening face, but am I listening?
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I don t know.
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Have you heard a word I ve said?
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Well, let s get started.
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Our first question comes to us from a protective adult child.
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Oh.
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Charlie writes, hello Tig, I m looking for advice about what to do about my mom and her questionable dating habits.
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She resorts to dating apps to find her next match, but all too often she matches with profiles that aim at scamming older women.
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They woo her with promises of a date, but right before their meetup, they all end the same.
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with an ask for money to get them out of an unexpected situation.
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A year ago, she promised to delete her profile and go with safer methods like a traditional matchmaker.
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But we recently discovered she s back to using the same dating apps as before.
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She s a smart, professionally successful woman, but something is keeping her from seeking healthy connections with a potential partner.
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What can me and my siblings do to support our mother while also protecting her from being scammed?
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Wow.
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Whoa, there s so much there.
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Have you ever dated online?
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I met my partner online.
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Oh, OK.
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On Tinder of all places.
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Wow.
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Yeah.
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That feels like the one that people are not meeting, you know, lifelong connections.
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But that s where I met him.
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Wow.
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I m not in the dating.
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Well, I m married.
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You were at my wedding.
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But I m not familiar with scams on dating apps.
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This is the first I ve heard of this.
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I have heard of it in terms of older people, like people will try to get them to send money.
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I think maybe they re targeting older people because they re presumed to be less savvy in that sense.
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But I mean, I guess the hook is that you re forming an emotional connection and then once you have them, you get the money.
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But it seems so cruel.
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SPEAKER_03
It s so cruel.
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SPEAKER_03
This doesn t have to do with dating, but I got swindled.
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I was on my computer at home.
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This message came on and said, your computer is locked for safety reasons.
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Somebody was trying to hack your computer.
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Call this number.
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And so I was like, oh, goodness.
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And went inside.
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I was like, oh, my gosh.
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I went in and I called the number and they were like, yeah, we caught somebody trying to hack into your computer.
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We re a company that can provide this security service.
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And, you know, it s just X amount of hundreds of dollars.
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And I was like, thank you so much.
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And I m like giving them my credit card information.
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And then I was like, and listen, you know, can I call you back?
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And I maybe want to get this service if my wife wants it or my assistant, who was Thomas, my my producer who is on this show.
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He was my assistant at the time.
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I was like, I just I want to talk to them and then maybe get their computers secure as well.
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Can you imagine what would have happened to me if I was on a dating app?
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And then Thomas was looking through my bank account, and he was like, um, Tig, what is this church?
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And I was like, oh, that reminds me.
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And I told him the story.
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And he goes, I just Googled this.
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Just a quick Google search.
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You were robbed.
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And I was like, what?
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And he was like, yeah, oh, my gosh.
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And so I had to tell Stephanie, which was so embarrassing.
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And then
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One day that company called me and I took the call and I went into my office and Stephanie overheard me saying, listen, my assistant told me that you scammed me and I would like my money back.
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And they said, okay, go to your bank account online.
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And I was getting online, getting my credit card out.
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I thought I had made them feel bad and they were giving me my money back.
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Stephanie overheard this, came running into the office.
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She was like, what are you doing?
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And I said, it s those people that scammed me.
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They re giving me.
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And she was like, shut your computer down.
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You can t answer the phone anymore.
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She was like, they almost robbed you again.
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I have this side where I take things for face value.
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I think I have a naive way about me that surprises Stephanie even nine years into our relationship.
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She s like,
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Oh, my God.
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I can t believe you believe that.
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I have that, too.
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I have that same quality.
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I just don t think people could want to take advantage of me, like, willingly without being like, but what s she about?
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Let s get to know her a little first.
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I know.
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And then I think once I get burned in a situation, well, this doesn t apply because it almost happened again.
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I got on the phone with the people and I was like,
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trying to be direct and deal with the situation and it almost got robbed again.
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But I think in general, I then become like, wait a minute, this feels familiar.
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This happened.
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Yes.
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You know, pay attention.
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SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
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So long story to say, I relate and I feel for this person.
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I do too.
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I just didn t know it was happening on dating apps.
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I had no, I probably would have sent the person.
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SPEAKER_03
Oh yeah.
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I would
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would have got him out of debt.
1
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I d be like, Oh, I needed cash.
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Sometimes I needed it.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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I would have been like, Oh my God, me and my friend Aparna have been down on our finances, but let me call her.
1
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We ll get a group conference call going and we ll get you out of this hole you re in.
1
SPEAKER_02
What I immediately thought of when I heard the question first was, Oh, there should be like a training course for online dating.
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Well, that s very unsexy.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, it s very unsexy.
1
SPEAKER_00
To go through a training course?
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SPEAKER_00
Aparna, this show should be called Don t Ask Tig or Aparna.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know what I think we can do?
1
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for this person, this lovely Charlie, who s trying to help a parent out, is we can open up the phone lines to try and meet someone for this mother.
1
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If you are looking for a smart, professionally successful woman who is seeking healthy connections in a potential partner, call whatever my phone number is,
1
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And let s hook Charlie s mother up.
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SPEAKER_00
I think that s great.
1
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We ll become the dating service.
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We ll be the go-betweens.
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Yes, yes, yes.
1
SPEAKER_00
All right.
1
SPEAKER_00
Charlie, I hope we can help your mother.
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There are plenty of fish in the sea.
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SPEAKER_00
So many.
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But unfortunately, some of them are, in fact, catfish.
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SPEAKER_00
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
1
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Aparna, it s time for a break, and then we ll get back to more questions.
1
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I m Christina Cotarucci, and this season on Slow Burn.
1
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It s called Proposition 6.
1
SPEAKER_01
The Briggs Initiative.
1
SPEAKER_01
John Briggs is going to fire every gay and lesbian schoolteacher in California.
1
SPEAKER_01
With so much at stake, young people became activists.
1
SPEAKER_01
We can t let this happen in California.
1
SPEAKER_01
And activists became leaders.
1
SPEAKER_01
My name is Harvey Milker, and I m here to include you.
1
SPEAKER_01
Slow Burn, Season 9, Gays Against Briggs.
1
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Out now, wherever you listen.
1
SPEAKER_00
And we re back, Aparna.
1
SPEAKER_00
Now, I remember you telling me you almost attended West Point.
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SPEAKER_00
That s true.
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SPEAKER_00
The prestigious historic military academy.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
As someone who already knew that about you, I m still shocked.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
Are you?
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
I feel so far from that person.
1
SPEAKER_02
But when I was that age, I didn t fully, I think I was a little bit sheltered as to like, not what the military does.
1
SPEAKER_02
But I think I was on this mental journey where I was like, Oh, I got to go somewhere where they re going to teach me how to be more disciplined in my life and be a leader.
1
SPEAKER_02
And, and I just, I kind of fed into all the, those army ads that are like, we re going to make you into a great person.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh my gosh, you have to put out your own.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m kind of seeing it as a cartoon, like little young Aparna.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
This little girl that s like four and they re like, we want you.
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SPEAKER_00
I m like, me?
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Me?
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SPEAKER_00
Oh my gosh, okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, that s wild.
1
SPEAKER_00
This next question concerns someone who did join the armed services.
1
SPEAKER_00
Celia writes, Hi Tig, how do I make this holiday season special for my fiancé before he leaves for deployment?
1
SPEAKER_00
He wants it to be just me and him for the holidays.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I want to prevent just sitting around doing nothing.
1
SPEAKER_00
And it s difficult to come up with things since we live in a very small town.
1
SPEAKER_00
Thanks.
1
SPEAKER_02
Whoa.
1
SPEAKER_02
Now this one short and sweet.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, but still a lot.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
A lot to think about.
1
SPEAKER_00
What do you do with your special person from Tinder?
1
SPEAKER_02
We, I mean, you know, we ll do the standard date nights, dinner, movie.
1
SPEAKER_02
We like nature a lot.
1
SPEAKER_02
So we ll go to like gardens or for hikes.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
But I feel like they re asking for like a special set of events to mark an occasion.
1
SPEAKER_02
or like a sending off.
1
SPEAKER_02
So I wonder if they like, you know, like kind of kitschy holiday stuff.
1
SPEAKER_02
They didn t really say how much they re into the holidays or not.
1
SPEAKER_00
Kitschy holiday stuff, like what, making ornaments together?
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, or like drive around and see everyone s holiday lights or whatever.
1
SPEAKER_00
That sort of thing.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh my gosh, I know what you should do.
1
SPEAKER_00
I know what you should do.
1
SPEAKER_00
This would be amazing and hilarious.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if either of you can sing, but the two of you should go door to door.
1
SPEAKER_00
on your street where people know you and sing Christmas carols.
1
SPEAKER_00
Just you and your fiancé.
1
SPEAKER_00
Aparna, how great would that be?
1
SPEAKER_02
I mean, as someone who s never had my door knocked on by carolers, I would say I would really be delighted.
1
SPEAKER_02
And if only two came.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_00
that would be unforgettable.
1
SPEAKER_00
It would be a gift to yourself.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
And your neighbors.
1
SPEAKER_00
Please do that.
1
SPEAKER_00
If you don t do that, then you re just not willing to make this a special holiday season.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, Celia.
1
SPEAKER_00
All right.
1
SPEAKER_00
And that is preventing you, you say specifically from just sitting around doing nothing.
1
SPEAKER_00
This is not sitting.
1
SPEAKER_00
You are up on your feet.
1
SPEAKER_00
You re moving, which is healthy, it s good for you.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I agree, Aparna, I would be so delighted if I opened my door and there were two people, especially if they had terrible voices, and they were just singing their little hearts out.
1
SPEAKER_02
And we are in a pandemic, so if they had their masks on, even better.
1
SPEAKER_00
Or stand 12 feet back and bolt it out.
1
SPEAKER_00
Get vaccinated and then stand 6 feet back and sing your little hearts out.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh my gosh.
1
SPEAKER_00
Amazing.
1
SPEAKER_00
Your fiance is being deployed.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
OK, let s back up.
1
SPEAKER_00
Bake some cookies together.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
Vegan, of course.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then go around the neighborhood singing your little heart song.
1
SPEAKER_00
And will you send video of that, please?
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, please.
1
SPEAKER_00
Because Celia, I m telling you, I will demand to meet you in person if you do this.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, yes.
1
SPEAKER_00
Aparna will be there with me.
1
SPEAKER_02
I will be there.
1
SPEAKER_02
If this happens, I will come.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
So, all right.
1
SPEAKER_00
We ll come do a show in your small town.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_00
Aparna, you didn t know what you were signing up for with this?
1
SPEAKER_02
Tig and I will come to your door.
1
SPEAKER_02
I will stand 12 feet back and do stand up for you.
1
SPEAKER_00
Celia s listening to this going, please no.
1
SPEAKER_00
Leave me alone, you weirdos.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay, happy holidays to you and your fiancee.
1
SPEAKER_00
Sincerely, Tig and Aparna.
1
SPEAKER_00
Aparna, this next listener needs some advice for her and her partner.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
Hi, Tig.
1
SPEAKER_00
Thank you for all of your that you continue to do.
1
SPEAKER_00
You re welcome.
1
SPEAKER_00
I am a funny lady, I will say.
1
SPEAKER_00
Not on your level on any scale, but I get your humor and I get the hurdles you ve faced in life being a gay woman or just being a person, right?
1
SPEAKER_00
I ve been told to do standup numerous times.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s been a personal dream for many years, but don t know what the f*** to do with that and the material I have.
1
SPEAKER_00
I may be no good, but I may be f*** good.
1
SPEAKER_00
I d really like to hear the truth from someone I sincerely respect.
1
SPEAKER_00
You.
1
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
1
SPEAKER_00
Lauren, first of all, watch your language.
1
SPEAKER_00
My goodness.
1
SPEAKER_00
What are you?
1
SPEAKER_00
What are you, Chris Rock?
1
SPEAKER_02
She s going to come right out of the gate with all those F-bombs.
1
SPEAKER_02
I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
Who are you, Eddie Murphy?
1
SPEAKER_00
Comedians that cuss?
1
SPEAKER_00
Lauren, here s what I have to say.
1
SPEAKER_00
If you really want to do stand-up,
1
SPEAKER_00
nothing is going to stop you from doing standup.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
Even if you re terrible.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s the amusing thing with standup is that doesn t stop the majority of people doing it.
1
SPEAKER_00
No, but it s also like.
1
SPEAKER_00
the universe and the comedy world kind of moves you along or doesn t move you along.
1
SPEAKER_00
And there s still some pretty rotten stand-ups out there making the open mic scene decades later.
1
SPEAKER_00
And you know what?
1
SPEAKER_00
They love comedy so much.
1
SPEAKER_00
nothing s gonna stop them.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know those comedians I m talking about, Aparna?
1
SPEAKER_00
The ones that have been at the same coffee shops or comedy clubs doing open mics.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I m like, more power to ya.
1
SPEAKER_02
It feels like, you know how in school where it would be weird to see your teacher outside of school?
1
SPEAKER_02
I felt the same way with those comedians where I was like, I don t think they exist outside of this open mic.
1
SPEAKER_02
Like I couldn t imagine them living the rest of their lives.
1
SPEAKER_02
I can only see them as that thing.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, there s no way they have a job or an apartment or there s no way they have friends or they re in a relationship.
1
SPEAKER_00
They just occupy the chair that they sit in in the coffee shop or the comedy club.
1
SPEAKER_02
Also, usually their jokes never change.
1
SPEAKER_02
So you re like nothing is happening to them clearly.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
But that might not be you, Lauren.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know, you say you re a funny lady.
1
SPEAKER_00
So when you say you d like to hear the truth.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
I was curious about that part, just based off of her email.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I can t read too much into your question and be like, wow, you should probably have an HBO special.
1
SPEAKER_00
But I also, almost 25 years into doing stand-up, I do know that somebody could write a funny or unfunny question, and that wouldn t tell you anything about them as a stand-up.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s true.
1
SPEAKER_00
There s so many quirky, weird people, somebody that you can t even imagine would step onto the stage and blow your mind.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like Maria Bamford again.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know, you d probably meet Maria living next door to you and she d be like, oh, yeah, I do stand-up.
1
SPEAKER_00
And you d be like, really?
1
SPEAKER_00
And then you go see her and you re just, you re on the floor.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I guess it s like there s those type of people, but then I also feel like there s the opposite.
1
SPEAKER_02
I mean, not to, you know, take any shine out of your friends saying you re funny, but I feel like that s sometimes a different kind of funny than stand-up funny.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
I mean, there s certainly so many people that I m told by friends or family, like, you gotta meet.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_00
Carl at the office.
1
SPEAKER_00
He is so funny.
1
SPEAKER_00
Or you gotta meet my neighbor.
1
SPEAKER_00
She is hilarious and she wants to move to Hollywood.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then, you know, you meet him and you re like, that s great.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t know what to tell you.
1
SPEAKER_00
You got to try it out.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
Nothing will stop you if you want to do it.
1
SPEAKER_00
So that s the only advice I can tell you is you have to do it.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
And you have to see how the audiences respond to you and how you feel.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, because you might just be like, oh, this isn t what I thought it was like.
1
SPEAKER_02
It isn t even just what the audience thinks.
1
SPEAKER_02
You might just might not be your thing or you might realize you like it in a way you didn t even realize.
1
SPEAKER_00
I saw somebody in my first year of comedy, a friend I had made, get on stage and do stand up.
1
SPEAKER_00
And the terror in her face when she saw it was not going well, the whole thing was falling apart.
1
SPEAKER_00
And she took some major, major risks.
1
SPEAKER_00
And it was her first time on stage, and she got off, like, basically crawling on the floor out of there.
1
SPEAKER_00
And she was like, oh, my gosh, I truly thought you were just up there talking.
1
SPEAKER_00
And, well, I mean, there s some preparation there.
1
SPEAKER_00
And, you know?
1
SPEAKER_00
So, yeah, I would say, Lauren, prep, and then,
1
SPEAKER_00
Go try it out.
1
SPEAKER_00
And if you bomb, go back up again another night.
1
SPEAKER_00
Just keep doing it.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I always feel like if you re doing well 51% of the time, then you have reason to believe that you might have something to work with.
1
SPEAKER_00
or maybe you ll become the other 49% that s bombing, and you still love doing it, and you just keep doing it.
1
SPEAKER_00
Who knows?
1
SPEAKER_02
And you make those of us right at 51 feel okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
Lauren, that s not one, but two professional comedians.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s what we think you should do.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
So get out there and break a leg, Lauren.
1
SPEAKER_00
We believe in you.
1
SPEAKER_00
Aparna, this final listener question comes from Lori.
1
SPEAKER_00
Lori.
1
SPEAKER_00
What if it s Lauren writing back with another question and disguising the name just slightly.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay, Lori writes, my son is starting college in Brooklyn this fall.
1
SPEAKER_00
How much money do I send them a week?
1
SPEAKER_00
He plans to get a job at some point, but he s going to need money from us no matter what.
1
SPEAKER_00
What is reasonable?
1
SPEAKER_00
I can t ask other parents in my neighborhood because they are all a lot richer than we are.
1
SPEAKER_00
My instinct out of the gate is to sit down with your son and actually talk about a budget of what your son is reasonably going to need for basic
1
SPEAKER_00
food, shelter, transportation, that kind of thing, and a plan for when he needs to have a job.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think you need to have a very clear conversation and have it really mapped out.
1
SPEAKER_02
That s such a reasonable answer.
1
SPEAKER_02
I was going to say, make sure he s not scamming you.
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, I mean, if there is a concern about him scamming you, you could also directly just pay his rent for him.
1
SPEAKER_00
So he s not pocketing cash and just buying whiskey.
1
SPEAKER_02
I think that s a great point.
1
SPEAKER_02
I do think we don t in general talk enough about money as a society in terms of transparently or like
1
SPEAKER_02
what a budget is.
1
SPEAKER_02
Like I would have loved to know what a budget was much sooner in life.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
Are you just finding out right now?
1
SPEAKER_00
I just learned right now.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, I hope it s helpful for you.
1
SPEAKER_02
I m going to look it up after this.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think it d be helpful if my parents sat down and said, hey, this is what we can do.
1
SPEAKER_00
And it has nothing to do with what your friends  parents are doing.
1
SPEAKER_00
But this is the reality of our finances.
1
SPEAKER_00
And here s how we want to and can help you.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then here s where you re going to have to pick up the slack.
1
SPEAKER_00
And here s the point in time when you re going to need to have a job to make that happen.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like maybe you could say the first month will will give you the extra stuff so you can buy all your whiskey.
1
SPEAKER_00
Right.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then after the first month.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know, you re on your own.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m assuming that s the only extra stuff a college kid needs is bottles of whiskey.
1
SPEAKER_00
I didn t go to college, so I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_00
But beyond your basic needs, a month later, you re kind of on your own to buy, you know, Taco Bell and whiskey.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, because it sounds like maybe Lori s a little bit worried about stacking up with what other parents are giving their kids, but it shouldn t affect her decision or like her conversation with her son.
1
SPEAKER_00
Lori, we dispense the advice.
1
SPEAKER_00
Now it s time for you to dispense the cash.
1
SPEAKER_00
Aparna, I need you to hang on for one final segment.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
We call Name That Sang.
1
SPEAKER_00
Name that sang.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, this is where we help people figure out what to call their thangs.
1
SPEAKER_00
Anything from an adult softball team to their emotional support fish.
1
SPEAKER_00
Whatever name we decide must be used.
1
SPEAKER_00
No going back.
1
SPEAKER_00
Rachel writes, I love to play trivia with my boyfriend.
1
SPEAKER_00
and we are required to submit a team name to play.
1
SPEAKER_00
The name is called over the sound system several times through the night, so people usually do funny names.
1
SPEAKER_00
We have struggled to come up with a name for our duo team.
1
SPEAKER_00
We are in our 30s, have never won trivia together, but love trying.
1
SPEAKER_00
He s a scuba instructor and I m a lawyer.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m from Tennessee and he s from Colorado.
1
SPEAKER_00
I love that.
1
SPEAKER_00
I love that vibe of we ve never won, but we love trying.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s like the fact that you re adults and you re still living the way that your parents probably told you to just keep trying.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, you keep showing up, you keep putting in your best effort.
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, I have a thought.
1
SPEAKER_00
Do you have any thought on what they should call themselves?
1
SPEAKER_02
I mean, honestly, I was when I try to be too clever sometimes with these names, because I know trivia names are usually very pun heavy.
1
SPEAKER_02
So I think I tried to put in too many elements in the blender because I was like, okay, scuba instructor, lawyer, trivia, trying hard.
1
SPEAKER_02
And then, and so far, no hit.
2
SPEAKER_03
it s incorporating all of them?
2
SPEAKER_02
Well, I have something that I would think was funny if it came over the sound system.
2
SPEAKER_02
The losers.
2
SPEAKER_03
I like that.
2
SPEAKER_03
I mean, it s very... It says it all.
2
SPEAKER_02
What about the earnest losers?
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, the earnest... I was gonna say maybe we ll buff them up a little bit.
2
SPEAKER_03
The earnest losers, the joyful losers, something... The lovable losers.
2
SPEAKER_03
The lovable losers.
2
SPEAKER_03
That s beautiful.
2
SPEAKER_02
You re happy they re there.
2
SPEAKER_02
They re lovable.
2
SPEAKER_02
Maybe if they win, somebody would be like, and the winner is the lovable losers.
2
SPEAKER_02
And then they, that d be a good moment, right?
2
SPEAKER_02
That would be such a triumphant moment for them.
2
SPEAKER_02
All right.
2
SPEAKER_02
Rachel, your trivia team is now named the lovable losers.
2
SPEAKER_02
The lovable losers.
2
SPEAKER_02
Just lean into being the underdog.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_02
Aparna and I expect to be thanked in any victory speeches.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_03
Am I right?
2
SPEAKER_03
Please send us the recording.
2
SPEAKER_03
As a lawyer, you know we need the proof.
2
SPEAKER_03
Aparna, that s the end of the show.
2
SPEAKER_03
Oh.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_03
You never know when things are going to end, and then it s just time to say goodbye.
2
SPEAKER_02
I know.
2
SPEAKER_02
It s kind of like life, right?
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_02
You just don t know when it s going to end, and then you say goodbye.
2
SPEAKER_02
Thank you so much for spending time with me and the listeners today.
2
SPEAKER_02
I had a great time.
2
SPEAKER_02
You ve been kind enough to open for me in some very special performances.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh, yes.
2
SPEAKER_02
You opened for me for my HBO taping.
2
SPEAKER_02
I did.
2
SPEAKER_02
You opened for me at Carnegie Hall.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_02
You are truly one of my favorites.
2
SPEAKER_02
I just think you re just incredible as a human being and as a comedian.
2
SPEAKER_02
And, um...
2
SPEAKER_02
Is there anything you d like to mention?
2
SPEAKER_03
Well, I would like to echo that sentiment right back to you.
2
SPEAKER_03
Feel very lucky.
2
SPEAKER_03
to know you as a friend and a comedian.
2
SPEAKER_03
And I guess if I should plug something, I do a voice on a Fox show called The Great North.
2
SPEAKER_03
Also features great people like Nick Offerman, Will Forte, Jenny Slate, Paul Rust, Dulcé Sloan.
2
SPEAKER_03
And the new season is now Sundays on Fox before Bob s Burgers.
2
SPEAKER_03
Incredible.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_02
And we ll look out for your book whenever that comes out, right?
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_02
You know, you ll be getting a copy.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, you know, I ll be getting one.
2
SPEAKER_02
I look forward to it.
2
SPEAKER_02
And all right.
2
SPEAKER_02
Well, I ll hope to see you sooner than later.
2
SPEAKER_02
Me too.
2
SPEAKER_02
Thanks, Tig.
2
SPEAKER_02
Bye.
2
SPEAKER_02
Bye.
2
SPEAKER_02
Also, don t forget that I have a major market national tour called Hello Again.
2
SPEAKER_02
You can find more info at my website, TigNotaro.com.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s what you have
2
SPEAKER_02
Don t Ask Tig is hosted by me, Tig Notaro.
2
SPEAKER_02
It s produced by Thomas Ouellette, Shana Deloria, and Ryan Lohr.
2
SPEAKER_02
Our executive producer and editor is Beth Perlman.
2
SPEAKER_02
Engineering and sound mixing by Johnny Vince Evans and Eric Romani.
2
SPEAKER_02
Digital production by James Napoli.
2
SPEAKER_02
Talent booking by Marianne Ways.
2
SPEAKER_02
Production support from Pizza Shark and Dan LaTue.
2
SPEAKER_02
Our theme music is Friend and Tig by Edie Burkell and Kyle Crusham, and Listen to Your Heart by Edie Burkell.
2
SPEAKER_02
Special thanks to Hunter Seidman.
2
SPEAKER_02
APM Studios executives in charge are Lily Kim, Alex Schaffert, and Joanne Griffith.
2
SPEAKER_02
Concept developed by Tracy Mumford.
2
SPEAKER_02
Our executive consultant is Dean Capello and Gobsmack Studios.
2
SPEAKER_02
You can always ask for advice at DontAskTig.org.
2
SPEAKER_02
Just write in with your problem or send us a voice memo.
2
SPEAKER_02
Remember to follow us on social media at DontAskTig.
2
SPEAKER_02
DontAskTig is a production of American Public Media.
2
SPEAKER_02
And as always, thanks, Dana.
2
SPEAKER_02
And I ll tell Becky.
2
SPEAKER_02
Hi, I m stand-up comedian and sex symbol Tig Notaro.
2
SPEAKER_02
And I m actor and writer Cheryl Hines.
2
SPEAKER_02
Before Cheryl and I got into the big business of podcasting together, we were just simply friends.
2
SPEAKER_00
And we re still friends.
2
SPEAKER_00
But now we talk about a different documentary every week on our podcast, Tig and Cheryl, True Story.
2
SPEAKER_00
So whether you love documentaries or just want to hear us slowly lose our minds, check out Tig and Cheryl, True Story, wherever you get your podcasts.
2
SPEAKER_00
Alright, cool.