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The following podcast is a Dear Media production.
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The Butter Brush has made its debut.
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The Skinny Confidential has launched Butter Brush.
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You guys, I don t even know where to begin with this.
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This is a dry brush on steroids.
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It is the creme de la creme of dry brushes.
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I have spent three years creating every little speck of this dry brush to be the most magical dry brush you have ever used.
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This is going to stimulate the lymphatic system.
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You re going to use it before you get in the shower.
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Here s what I do.
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Okay.
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This is how I ve been using it for the last eight months.
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I haven t been able to shut the fuck up about this to all of the Skinny Confidential team or my friends.
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I haven t been able to tell you, but now I can.
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Here s what I do.
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My exact routine.
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Okay.
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It takes five minutes.
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I wake up, I do my meditation if I can, if my kids let me, and then I go in my bathroom, put on some music, and I dry brush, okay?
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You can see exactly how I do it on our Instagram.
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And it wakes you up like no other.
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This dry brush is everything I ever wanted in a dry brush.
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I created it.
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I remember writing a blog post
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literally eight years ago about how I could not find a dry brush that was sturdy and that was strong.
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I wanted the bristles to be super, super strong.
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I wanted them to be all natural, not synthetic, nasty, dyed bristles.
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I wanted real, natural bristles.
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And so I created it.
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If you love our cult favorite ice roller, you are going to be out of your fucking mind over Butter Brush.
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and the aesthetic is insane.
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Lilac, pops of pink, and the best bristles ever.
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Go to shopskinnyconfidential.com before Butter Brush sells out.
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That s shopskinnyconfidential.com.
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She s a lifestyle blogger extraordinaire.
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Fantastic.
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And he s a serial entrepreneur.
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A very smart cookie.
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And now Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic are bringing you along for the ride.
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Get ready for some major realness.
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Welcome to the Skinny Confidential, him and her.
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I have been wanting to do this episode for a long fucking time.
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We are gonna go over some red flags.
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These are not just red flags in relationships.
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These are red flags in general.
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Some of these are super detailed and some of these are more broad.
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And obviously, this is just my opinion.
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There s red flags in business, in relationships, and in friendships.
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And I think this episode sort of covers it all.
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It s also the Dear Media and Skinny Confidentials opinion, because I asked a bunch of the team members what their red flags were.
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I also asked my trainer.
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I asked Weston.
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I asked Michael.
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I collected some red flags.
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And then I put them through my blender and I m going to tell them to you today.
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And I m going to go over each one in detail.
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I might need my protein matcha and a sparkling water though before I get into it.
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The first red flag that I can t with is when someone has no capacity to take accountability.
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So this could be someone that you know, and every single time something goes wrong, they blame someone else.
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And not only do they blame someone else, they blame like 10 things.
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So instead of looking inward and figuring out what they re doing in the equation, they re constantly just looking for everyone else to blame.
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Now, we ve all done this, like I ve done it, Michael s done it, everyone s done this, but I think really trying actively to take accountability is a really cool different thing.
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If someone is constantly victimizing themselves, I find that to be very, very draining.
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So if you notice that in every single story that someone tells, they re the victim, to me, that s a red flag because they re not taking accountability for anything.
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I remember just like something really awful happened to me when I was 18 years old.
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My mom passed away and I remember having this moment and it was so clear and I remember where I was and it was like I can use this to fuel me or I can be the victim.
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And I remember actively choosing to let the horrible, tragic experience fuel me.
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And it is as simple as a decision.
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And I think if you can take accountability in small areas in your life, it s like a muscle.
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It gets better and better and better.
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So if you meet someone and all they re doing is complaining and victimizing themselves and never ever looking inward and reflecting on themselves, that s a red flag.
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It s also a red flag when constantly someone s telling you that everything triggers them.
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That s not taking accountability.
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If something triggers me, I look inward.
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I obviously don t do this perfect every single time, but I try to look inward and I try to see how I m contributing to the problem.
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So that s like my number one foundation red flag.
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Someone cannot take accountability.
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And I m not just talking about in relationships.
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I m talking about in business.
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I m talking about a team.
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I m talking about Taylor when he doesn t get us the assets on time for the podcast.
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I m just talking about just taking accountability for your side of the street.
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There s so many times when I ll get frustrated.
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Katie, my assistant, she s sitting here.
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And then I ll like sit back and think for a second.
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And I m like, wait, this is my fault.
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Especially if you re leading a team, it s really important to be able to take accountability.
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And this is something that I work at every single day.
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But if you re dating someone and they can never, ever, ever admit when they re wrong, like how exhausting.
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Everyone s wrong.
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So I think the accountability
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is really, really important and it s a red flag if someone s not taking accountability.
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A huge red flag for me is what Gen Z would call love bombing.
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For me, it s when I meet someone and I just get acquainted with them and they send me 16 text messages or a huge email or maybe a text message with all these requests and it s like, I just met you.
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I have this saying that I always say to Michael, it s like, feel me up before you fuck me.
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I need to like make out before you feel me up.
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I need, like, before you suck my tits, I need you to, like, French me.
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I like to be courted, and I like to court people.
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So when Michael first started dating me, it wouldn t have worked if he came on too strong.
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I m someone that when I m getting to know a friend, I like to, like, get to know them slowly.
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I don t want to know every single thing about you within five seconds of meeting you.
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And when someone texts me paragraphs and paragraphs and paragraphs, one, it shows that they don t respect my time, whether it s business, friendship or a relationship.
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And two, it shows me that it s like,
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There s no courting.
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I think it s like, give it a minute.
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Give it a beat.
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Learn when to have an ask.
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I think getting to know someone is so underrated.
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It s like we don t need to hop in headfirst in every single encounter.
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I ve really used that when it comes to even podcast guests.
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Like if I want someone on the podcast, I won t just like have an ask right away.
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I ll get to know them first and then maybe ask or I ll like their photo.
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Like I just feel like there s a way to slowly enter into a relationship
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I ll give you guys a specific example.
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If you meet someone at a party, and the next day they re sending you six-page texts, they re sending you all these memes, they re sending you all these links, then they have an ask, then they have an email, then they want to draw.
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It s like, it s too much at once.
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So I would say with any encounter, it s really nice to spread it out.
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It feels really desperate energy vibes when you re just
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like projectile vomiting, everything you need in that moment.
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And that s something that I have always talked about.
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I ve even talked about this in the way that my husband courted me before we started dating.
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Like, he gave me my space.
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In any relationship I have, I like my space and I respect other people s space.
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I m someone who sometimes doesn t text back the second someone texts me.
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I sometimes take a minute.
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And I would, by the way, expect the same from someone else.
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I think we ve lost the art of absence, and I think that it s a red flag when someone constantly needs to be present.
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To be honest, it s like a pest.
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It reminds me of a pest, like someone who s pestering you.
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So I guess the red flag takeaway is like if you re love bombed by someone, if someone s constantly texting you, they re constantly calling you.
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Like I ve had a friend probably like 10 years ago that would just call and call and call.
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They would call during the work hours.
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And I just think it s like important to read the room when it comes to how you are coming into someone s space.
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So if I was dating in 2023 and someone was trying to court me, I would want them to show a little absence, give me a little space, take me out to dinner, get to know me.
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I don t want to like, I don t want it all in one setting.
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And by the way, I think this also applies to content.
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So when I first launched the Skinny Confidential blog 13 years ago, I remember being super thoughtful about how much I shared at once.
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I don t think the audience needed to know every single thing about me right away.
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It was like a very slow build.
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I knew I wanted to have longevity in this space.
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And to do that, it s like, you don t need to tell every single thing about yourself in five minutes.
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You know what every girlie on the planet wants?
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Fine jewelry.
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We just do.
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So go to Ring Concierge, guys.
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Ring Concierge is the leading luxury jeweler committed to designs by women for everyone.
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Here s the deal.
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I actually had the opportunity to interview the founder and owner of Ring Concierge, and I was so impressed.
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She is so
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like intense and meticulous when it comes to details for fine jewelry.
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She has created the most beautiful custom handcrafted engagement rings.
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You ve seen them all over Instagram.
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They re influencer and celebrity cult favorite jewelry.
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Like I m telling you, if you want a screenshot on Instagram and send it to your significant other, this is the one.
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I actually had a custom tennis bracelet made with her.
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I wear it all the time.
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You can see it on my Instagram.
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It s like the most beautiful diamonds.
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They sparkle, they re shimmery.
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They re all the things.
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They hit all the points.
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She knows about cut, clarity, color, all the things.
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I just feel like if you re looking for a gift, this is one that you want to go to on Instagram and DM.
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DM everyone.
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Be like, this is what I want.
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You know what else you could do?
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You could just gift yourself something.
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You deserve something for the holidays.
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Go gift yourself some fine jewelry.
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Shop fine jewelry at ringconcierge.com and use code skinnyrc20.
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You get 20% off your fine jewelry purchase.
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That s ringconcierge.com.
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Shop fine jewelry at ringconcierge.com and use code skinnyrc20.
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You get 20% off your fine jewelry purchase.
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That s ringconcierge.com.
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Let me tell you what everyone wants to receive on the holidays.
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Everyone, non-toxic cookware, non-toxic kitchenware.
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And the brand to go to is Carraway.
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I have their beige seven set situation.
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It has little details of silver.
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It s so cute, so much so that I actually keep bone broth out on my stove in the big pot because the pot s so beautiful.
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And I also just want bone broth on the go.
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This kitchenware is the best.
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I learned on an episode with Max Lugavere that there is so many toxic chemicals in our kitchenware.
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So we re going to cook eggs for our kids in the morning, and the eggs are just getting inundated with all these chemicals.
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So I sought out to find the best of the best, the creme de la creme, and that is Caraway Home.
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They have non-toxic kitchenware.
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It features a chemical-free ceramic coating.
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So all your food can be prepared with peace of mind.
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There s no hard to pronounce chemicals that will leach into your healthy ingredients.
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And there s no PFSA.
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There s no PTFE.
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There s no PFAO.
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There s none of those toxic chemicals that are going to go in your food.
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And I m telling you, it is the best gift to give.
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They have all kinds of colors.
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It fits with the aesthetic of anyone s home.
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Visit careawayhome.com slash skinny10.
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You can take advantage of this limited time offer for up to 20% off your next purchase.
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This deal is exclusive for him and her listeners and won t last long.
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So visit careawayhome.com slash skinny10.
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You re going to get all new kitchenware before the holidays.
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Careaway, non-toxic cookware made modern.
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It is the holiday season.
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You know how I know this.
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Everybody is getting sick.
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I don t know what the hell is going around.
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All I know is that my immune system is on fire and that is because I take all of my Symbiotica products every single day.
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I actually have some vitamin C and glutathione in my pocket as we speak.
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The things that I am taking from Symbiotica this holiday season to make sure that my immune system stays on point.
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One, their elderberry serum and the immune support.
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Two, their coated silver.
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This stuff is absolutely incredible.
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If you re traveling, if you re flying on a plane, just put a little under your tongue and it guards your immune system from germs and viruses getting in.
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And of course, the vitamin C, I m taking multiple packs of this every single day.
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If I m flying, I literally take it every single hour.
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That may be too much, that s a lot, but I do not want to get sick and I have to be moving and grooving and don t want my immune system shutting down.
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So I m taking all of these things and feeling great.
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They also have amazing essentials like their vitamin D3, which is an essential, their vitamin B, they have a magnesium spray.
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This has quickly become
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one of our favorite go-to supplement products out there on the market.
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They use the highest quality ingredients.
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We know the founders.
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They ve been on the show multiple times.
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We know them personally, professionally, and just fully trust what they re doing over there at that company.
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It s actually incredible when you start to really understand all the stuff and all the quality that they re putting into their products.
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If you want to try Symbiotica, there s no better time than right now.
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They re having a special holiday sale so you can get their amazing products at a great price.
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You can save up to 20% off site-wide with our code SKINNY.
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Just go to symbiotica.com and use code SKINNY.
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Again, that s symbiotica.com and use code SKINNY for 20% off during their holiday sales.
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Another red flag is the Sunday texter.
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Let me tell you about the Sunday texter.
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Carson s smiling because he knows exactly what the Sunday texter is.
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Every single motherfucking guy that s listening right now knows about the Sunday texter.
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The Sunday texter is a guy specifically that will text you because they re hungover and they want, usually their dick sucked.
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This is a guy that literally never texts you.
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And then on Sunday, all of a sudden, you get this text message.
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Hey.
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What are you up to?
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They want you to come around because it s Sunday.
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The party s over.
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They have the Sunday scaries.
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The next day is Monday.
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They want someone to come lounge around and watch Netflix with.
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And it s obvious.
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That is a huge red flag.
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When someone s only texting you on Sunday or they re only texting you at 3 in the morning, you re not a priority to them.
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So for me, if I was dating and someone s only texting me on Sunday, I m blocking.
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Like, bye.
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I don t want to hang out with you if you only want to hang out with me at 3 a.m.
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and on Sunday.
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And I think this goes back to, like, you valuing yourself and you knowing what you can bring to the table because each and every person listening can bring something unique to the table.
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And if you have the confidence and the ability to really value yourself, you aren t putting up with that.
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And that one is really easy to spot.
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We all know exactly what I m talking about.
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It s someone who only comes around when they want something.
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By the way, this kind of gets me into my next red flag, which is an opportunist.
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It s like someone who only comes around when they need something.
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They only come around with an ask.
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It s always an ask, ask, ask.
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It s never a give.
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This one is like very similar to the Sunday.
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texter, but it s like someone who just comes around when there s an opportunity.
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And even like going deeper into this one, I was a bartender for probably, I want to say like six years.
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The way that I was treated by some people, not by everyone, but by some people as a bartender was exponentially different than the way that I am treated as a business owner.
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It just was.
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That s a fact.
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I think it s important to pay attention to how someone treats you at all stages in life.
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The way I look at it is if someone treated me like shit when I was a bartender and now they re like sucking asshole, I put it in a bucket.
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I m like, okay, that s someone that I really just don t want to be good friends with because the only reason they re being nice to me now is because I m not bartending anymore.
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And they think that they can get something from me.
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That, to me, is surface-level person.
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It s not multifaceted.
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I think that you should try to treat everyone with respect and treat everyone equal.
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And Steph Shep said this on the episode that she came on.
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It s like, you never know what is going to transpire in someone s life.
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So just be nice and treat everyone with respect.
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someone may be a bartender for six years and then later they may be an entrepreneur.
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So it s just like a lot easier to treat everyone equal no matter what stage they re at in life because you never know.
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So that s someone that s a little bit of an opportunist that definitely goes into the Sunday texter who s trying to get an opportunity to hang out with you because they re bored or having the Sunday scaries or they want to fuck you.
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The next red flag is someone that s constantly bragging and talking about money and talking about everything they have and always bragging.
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Like it s someone who s always telling you how great they are.
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To me, first of all, that screams insecurity.
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If you re on a date with a guy and all he does is talk about how much money he has, he needs to go read some books.
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I think like bringing other things to the table other than money.
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A lot of people have a lot of money.
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But like, what else?
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What are you reading?
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What are you doing?
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What are you working on?
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What are your hobbies?
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Like, I just think it s really low-hanging fruit to only talk about how much money you have.
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I notice this mostly in men, which is interesting.
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It s like, I don t know if it s like a men thing or an ego thing.
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It s like, sometimes they have to like put their dick on the table and like tell you how much they re making or like what hotel they re staying at.
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It s exhausting.
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It s like we got it.
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We get it.
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For me, when someone does that, I just like open my eyes wide and go, wow, yeah, cool.
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Like it s I don t I don t even know how to respond.
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It s like the guy that has to pick you up in like the car and like drive the car fast.
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That s a red flag, by the way.
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Just a tangent, when Michael picked me up for our first date, I gave him a test.
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He picked me up, I get in the car.
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I m like, is he going to try to drive fast to impress me?
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Because I don t know if I can hook up with him if he s going to try to drive fast.
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And he drove the speed limit.
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I was wet.
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It was done.
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He sealed the deal.
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But it is.
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It s like, why do we have to drive the car fast to show off?
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It s just, it s very childlike, I think.
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It s very immature.
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So if someone s constantly talking about money, to me, it s a little red flag-ish.
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Again, it s low-hanging fruit.
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Okay, this one is obnoxious.
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Someone who s always on their phone to the point where they re dismissing you.
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There s this guy that we used to go out with all the time.
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He s a friend of Michael and I s.
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I love him.
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He s a great guy.
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But every single time I would go to dinner or drinks or vacation with him, he was on his phone.
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Listen, I work from my phone.
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I get it.
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I get having to be on your phone.
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And I get that we all do it.
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But if you re constantly doing it, it feels like you re dismissing the person that you re with.
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And it feels like the phone is more important.
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I even noticed this with my daughter.
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If she wants my attention and I m on my phone, I really, really try to be present and put it down because it makes her feel like she s not the priority.
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I actually go out of my way when I go to dinner or drinks with anyone to put my phone away.
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I want it away in the handbag.
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If it s not work hours, I don t want it near me.
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I really try to be thoughtful of my relationship to my phone.
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I am not perfect at this at all.
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Maybe I m like red flagging myself, but I think it s important to examine how you show up with your phone.
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And if you think about it, it doesn t make me feel good when I m with someone and they re constantly staring at their phone.
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It s just like, why am I here?
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This is a waste of time.
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What I would do is if this is you, I would just start by going to dinner and putting your phone away.
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And I will say I always take out my phone.
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I ll take a quick picture and then I ll put it away.
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So get your picture in.
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But if you re on a date with a guy or a girl and they re just scrolling through their phone, I don t know.
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I think it s giving red flag.
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So if they re doing it every single time to like, imagine if you re married to them and they re literally obsessed with their phone all the time.
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I think it s so hot when someone can get off their phone and like put it away, put it on airplane mode.
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Airplane mode is hot.
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It is.
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It s hot.
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It s hot.
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Like I will.
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I actively try to put my phone on airplane mode once a day.
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My favorite is to do it at 7.30 at night.
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I put it on airplane mode.
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It s bad to be on Wi-Fi anyway, because of all the EMF.
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And put it in the other room and read a book.
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And then it s like, people are like, I don t know how people have time to read.
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How you have time to read is you put your phone on airplane mode.
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Airplane mode is a green flag.
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If a guy puts his phone on airplane mode, that s a marry.
2
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Indecisiveness is a huge red flag.
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If you are dating someone that can t make a decision, bye.
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They should know that they want to be with you.
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I mean, I think they should know.
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It s not a gray area.
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If someone s indecisive about wanting to take you on a date, bye.
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If someone s indecisive about doing a business deal with you, bye.
2
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If someone s indecisive about being your friend, bye.
2
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The indecisiveness kills me because you know
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what you want to do.
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Someone else knows what they want to do.
2
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There should be no question.
2
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And if there s a question, it s like there s so many people in this world.
2
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And like I said in the beginning, like you should have the strength and conviction and confidence
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that you don t want to be with someone that sort of doesn t know.
2
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Also, to me, indecisiveness is someone who wants to keep their options open, and it has a lot to do with ego.
2
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I don t know about you guys, but if I m going to spend the rest of my life with someone and they re indecisive about that decision from the beginning, that s a red flag.
2
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I don t want to be with someone that doesn t want to 100% be with me.
2
SPEAKER_00
The same goes with business.
2
SPEAKER_00
If you don t want to work with me next, like swipe.
2
SPEAKER_00
If you re feeling indecisiveness from anyone, move on to the next.
2
SPEAKER_00
By far, the best purchase that I have made in the last three years is Branch Basics.
2
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I am so passionate about what this brand is doing that I just won t shut the fuck up.
2
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If you want to change your house and your cleaning supplies to non-toxic, hypoallergenic, free of fragrance, hormone disruptors, and harmful preservatives,
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for yourself, for your baby, for your pet, this is the brand.
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It s clean, it s cost-effective, and it s non-toxic.
2
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I recommend starting with the Premium Starter Kit.
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This is going to give you all the bottles you need to replace all your toxic cleaning supplies.
2
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I don t use any other brand.
2
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This is the brand that I use in my house.
2
SPEAKER_00
My entire home has been taken to the non-toxic side.
2
SPEAKER_00
I now
2
SPEAKER_00
I m almost sensitive when I go to a hotel because I can just smell all the shit.
2
SPEAKER_00
Branch Basics is incredible.
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If you suffer from eczema, allergies, asthma, make the switch.
2
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You guys will see it is wild.
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I can tell you I ve actually made the switch and I can tell a difference.
2
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My husband can tell a difference.
2
SPEAKER_00
My pets who are so close to the floor can probably tell a difference.
2
SPEAKER_00
You should also know
3
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that Branch Basics can be used to clean your floors, laundry, and bathrooms, but it s also safe enough to wash your produce.
3
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We love this, okay?
3
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If you want more information, listen to the founder of Branch Basics on our podcast.
3
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She tells you all the details.
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Save 15% and get free shipping when you use code SKINNY at branchbasics.com.
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Again, that s code SKINNY for 15% off plus free shipping when you purchase a starter kit.
3
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Also, what a good gift for the holidays.
3
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A lot of non-toxic talk.
3
SPEAKER_01
This episode, we re talking about red flags.
3
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We re also talking about products.
3
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And one of the products that I use that is non-toxic is the Body Butter Trio.
3
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This is by Primally Pure.
3
SPEAKER_01
This is the product that I use to moisturize my skin on my body.
3
SPEAKER_01
I like it because there s tallow from grass-fed cows.
3
SPEAKER_01
Tallow is amazing for the skin.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s rich in vitamin A, D, E, and K. It s anti-inflammatory.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s an antimicrobial.
3
SPEAKER_01
It also, the one that I like, has a mango butter, a shea butter, and a coconut oil in it.
3
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It s absolutely delicious.
3
SPEAKER_01
So in the body butter trio that I have from Primally Pure is an almond and vanilla body butter.
3
SPEAKER_01
It also comes with citrus and mint and eucalyptus and lavender.
3
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I am a super fan of the almond and vanilla.
3
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I like to use it after I take a shower.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s amazing for elbows, knees, just like staying hydrated in a non-toxic way.
3
SPEAKER_01
You should also know that Primally Pure is a non-toxic wellness and skincare brand.
3
SPEAKER_01
So everything s non-toxic.
3
SPEAKER_01
They incorporate tallow, like I said, from grass-fed cows in their deodorant, their body butter, their facial creams, and more.
3
SPEAKER_01
They have all the things on their site that even have a deodorant.
3
SPEAKER_01
I mean, go check this out.
3
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You don t need to worry.
3
SPEAKER_01
This is perfect too if you re pregnant.
3
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If you haven t tried TALO in your skincare yet, it s time.
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Use code SKINNY for 15% off your Primally Pure purchase.
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That s www.primallypure.com slash SKINNY.
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Visit primallypure.com slash SKINNY.
3
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3
SPEAKER_00
It s that time of the year again, the holiday season going to be hosting a lot at the house.
3
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I recently just went and redid our bar completely.
3
SPEAKER_00
I went directly to the Drizzly app and just ordered it all online and had it delivered to the house.
3
SPEAKER_00
I got some of my favorites, the Bullet Bourbon, the Don Julio Reposado and the vodka that we drink, which is Kettle One.
3
SPEAKER_00
all delivered right to the house without having the headache of having to go to the store.
3
SPEAKER_00
For those of you that don t know what Drizzly is, it is an online delivery service that delivers alcohol straight to your door.
3
SPEAKER_00
They also have an app that you can go to for app delivery.
3
SPEAKER_00
You must be 21 and over.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s not available in all locations, but it s an incredible application if you re able to use it in your area.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like I said, I m so done having to go to the store and pick out all these things and carry all these heavy bottles inside.
3
SPEAKER_00
I just get them straight to the door if you re having a party.
3
SPEAKER_00
Also, when you run out,
3
SPEAKER_00
This is a great way to re-up without having to have somebody step out and get in a car and take a whole hike.
3
SPEAKER_00
What I love about Drizzly is it offers one of the widest selections of beer, wine, and spirits available.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s curated.
3
SPEAKER_00
It gives you gift guides, recommendations from experts, and so much more.
3
SPEAKER_00
You can compare prices on drinks from local stores to save time and money when you re shopping so you know you re getting the best price.
3
SPEAKER_00
And again, like I said, it saves you time and can be straight to your door.
3
SPEAKER_00
So definitely check it out this holiday season.
3
SPEAKER_00
Download the Drizzly app or go to drizzly.com.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s D-R-I-Z-L-Y.com.
3
SPEAKER_00
So download the Drizzly app or go to drizzly.com.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s D-R-I-Z-L-Y.com.
3
SPEAKER_00
You must be 21 plus and over.
3
SPEAKER_00
So download the Drizzly app or go to drizzly.com.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s D-R-I-Z-L-Y.com.
3
SPEAKER_00
You must be 21 plus and over.
3
SPEAKER_00
Not available in all locations.
3
SPEAKER_00
Again, visit drizzly.com or visit the Drizzly app.
3
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This is so obvious, but we gotta say it.
3
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Someone who s jealous or controlling.
3
SPEAKER_01
I always tell Michael, if Michael tried to put me back in the jack-in-the-box, we would divorce.
3
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I don t want to be pushed back in the jack-in-the-box.
3
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And what I mean by that is I see a lot of relationships where the woman wants to shine bright and the man wants to put her back down.
3
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And that would be a problem for me.
3
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I m attracted to a man who s quietly confident and comfortable with me shining.
3
SPEAKER_01
Because I shine, that doesn t take away from my husband.
3
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We can both shine.
3
SPEAKER_01
That, to me, is like a power couple.
3
SPEAKER_01
If you look at Victoria Beckham and David Beckham, you can tell they both lift each other up.
3
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Don t want to be pushed back in the jack-in-the-box.
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I don t want to be pushed in the corner because someone is uncomfortable with who I am and I think that if you are compromising and you re in a relationship and the person s Constantly trying to tell you how to act Shut you up Tell you you re too much
3
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tell you that you need to be realistic.
3
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Bye.
3
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I want someone that s, like, pushing me to become my full potential.
3
SPEAKER_01
And if someone s going to stifle my personality and tell me that I m too much, or I shouldn t do that because it makes me look blank, goodbye.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, I don t have the capacity to compensate for your insecurity.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I think this also can happen in friendships.
3
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If you have a friend that s constantly uncomfortable with anything you do, they re constantly putting you down, I just feel like that s a waste of your energy thermometer.
3
SPEAKER_01
Listen, I don t believe in going to friends and like telling them every single thing that s great.
3
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I mean, I think that there s like a way to read the room.
3
SPEAKER_01
I think it should be a volleying conversation.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like you should listen to me, I should listen to you.
3
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I listen to you, you listen to me.
3
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I think there should be a level of comfort within the friendship where you re comfortable to talk about what s going on that s good.
3
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I have a girlfriend, Gillian.
3
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Every single time I tell her something that I m working on, she s like so amazing and so supportive.
3
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And same with her.
3
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When she tells me things about her and what she s working on or her family, it s the same energy.
3
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And I think that if you re vibrating on a frequency where every single time you say anything good and the friend is ripping you down, it s a waste of your time.
3
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And I don t know about you guys, but I really value my time.
3
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And so this is something that I think about a lot.
3
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I don t want to be in any relationship, business, a marriage, a boyfriend, a girlfriend, or a friendship where there s an underlying tone of jealousy.
3
SPEAKER_01
Again, it s boring.
3
SPEAKER_01
Negative words.
3
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This is like a personal red flag, and this is something that I talk with my own team about, and I really try to constantly refine on my own, and that is the use of negative words.
3
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I talked about this in another episode, but if I m constantly having a narrative in my head that says, I ll never make money, I m so broke, I m never going to be able to do that, I m so fat,
3
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Oh my god, I m so lazy.
3
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That narrative is going to seep out in other areas.
3
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So I m a fan of using positive words at all times, even when I m talking to myself.
3
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The narrative in my head, if it turns negative, I try to take it to a positive route.
3
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And I apply this too with my team and I with emails.
3
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If you are emailing someone or text messaging someone and you start that conversation out with unfortunately, I can tell you right now that that is going to change the tone of the future conversation.
3
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I would take the words, unfortunately, can t, won t, wouldn t, shouldn t out of your vocabulary.
3
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I literally will edit my emails and texts to try to make sure that they are positive reinforcement, positive words.
3
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How can you take a negative and spin it into a positive?
3
SPEAKER_01
That will change your entire conversation with whoever you re talking to.
3
SPEAKER_01
You can literally, it s almost like manipulating, and that s a negative word, but like,
3
SPEAKER_01
manipulating the conversation to be positive as opposed to negative.
3
SPEAKER_01
And if you try to do this in every single interaction, it s really amazing because it starts to seep into the narrative that you tell yourself.
3
SPEAKER_01
The word, unfortunately, no.
3
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I also am someone who s like very solution oriented.
3
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I don t want to talk too much about the problem.
3
SPEAKER_01
What s the solution and how is it a positive solution?
3
SPEAKER_01
So a red flag is someone who s always saying, unfortunately, you can t do that.
3
SPEAKER_01
You shouldn t do that.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m going to give some like little slogans.
3
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I don t know.
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I don t know.
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if it can be done.
4
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I don t think we should do that.
4
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Do you hear the way my tone is?
4
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It s just, it s a drip.
4
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It s like Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh.
4
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I don t think so.
4
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Unfortunately, I don t think we re going to be able to do it.
4
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It just is.
4
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It s like buzzkill.
4
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So if you re around someone that s constantly a cloud of gray, personally, I try to remove myself from those interactions, but also make sure that you re not bringing any gray.
4
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And even when it s with an email.
4
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make it as positive as possible because everyone wants to work with people who are positive and uplifting.
4
SPEAKER_00
And even when it s like sort of a negative situation, how can you take the negative situation and turn it into something that s positive?
4
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Katie said, I gotta talk about dot, dot, dot.
4
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I gotta talk about dot, dot, dot.
4
SPEAKER_00
We need to burn dot, dot, dot down.
4
SPEAKER_00
Dot, dot, dot is like, okay, dot, dot, dot, or whatever you think, dot, dot, dot.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t know, dot, dot, dot.
4
SPEAKER_00
I mean, Jesus Christ, that is negative.
4
SPEAKER_00
The dot, dot, dot is like negative, negative, negative.
4
SPEAKER_00
I can t with the dot, dot, dot.
4
SPEAKER_00
Let s just get rid of it.
4
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The dot, dot, dot is three red flags.
4
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A compelling person has strength and warmth.
4
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And I think that if you can remember that in every interaction that you have, that that will give you green flags.
4
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So the strength is when someone says they re going to do something and they do it.
4
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And the warmth is sort of disarming.
4
SPEAKER_00
It makes you feel good when you re around them.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I think if someone has weakness, like sort of they re weak and they have a coolness about them, those are red flags.
4
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So how I would end this is I would say maybe make a list of your red flags and try to be green flags.
4
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Like try to show up in every area in your life as a green flag.
4
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I think when you do that, and you bring that energy of green flags, and you re reading the room, and you re being positive, and you re bringing good energy, and you re doing what you said you were going to do, and you re showing up, and you re warm, you are going to drown out all the negative red flags.
4
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Now, like I said in the beginning, I don t do all of this perfect.
4
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These are just ones that I have noticed.
4
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I obviously have 600 more.
4
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So we can do another episode.
4
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But I feel like we should flip this.
4
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And the next time we talk about flags, it should be green flags.
4
SPEAKER_00
What are all the green flags?
4
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Let s just look for the positive.
4
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I would love to know if you guys want to add to the green flag or the red flag list.
4
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Let me know on my latest post at Lauren Bostick.
4
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I love doing solo episodes, and I m always open to your suggestions.
4
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Next time I do a red flag podcast too, I ll do like super, super small red flags, like little ones, like little detailed ones.
4
SPEAKER_00
I hope you guys love this episode.
4
SPEAKER_00
And remember, you can watch the whole thing on YouTube.
4
SPEAKER_00
Be sure to check out our latest launch for the Skinny Confidential Butter Brush.
4
SPEAKER_00
It is so good.
4
SPEAKER_00
Go to shopskinnyconfidential.com while supplies last.