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Guess what, Will?
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What s up, Mango?
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I ve been trying to write a promo for our podcast, Part-Time Genius, but even though we ve done over 250 episodes, we don t really talk about murders or cults.
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I mean, we did just cover the Illuminati of cheese, so I feel like that makes us pretty edgy.
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We also solve mysteries like how Chinese is your Chinese food and how do dollar stores make money?
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And then, of course, can you game a dog show?
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So what you re saying is everyone should be listening.
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Listen to Part-Time Genius on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.
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A new season of Bridgerton is here.
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And with it, a new season of Bridgerton, the official podcast.
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I m your host, Gabby Collins.
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And this season, we are bringing fans even deeper into the ton.
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Watch season three of the Shondaland series on Netflix.
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Then fall in love all over again by listening to Bridgerton, the official podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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Subscribe to catch a new episode every Thursday.
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This is the story of how a group of people brought music back to Afghanistan by creating their own version of American Idol.
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The joy they brought to the nation.
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You re free completely.
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No one is there to destroy you.
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The danger they endured.
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They said my head should be cut off.
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I m John Legend.
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Listen to Afghan Star on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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Welcome back to On Purpose, today I want to share an amazing conversation I had with Caitlin Bristow on her podcast, Off The Vine, about what does it mean to love.
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We go into this topic deeply, as well as how to attract the right person, how to put a stop to unhealthy relationship patterns, end toxic traits and triggers in our relationships, and define what it actually means to be in love for ourselves.
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I love this conversation, I feel like we went super deep and I can t wait to share this with you.
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Hey everyone, I m so excited because we re going to be adding a really special offering onto the back of my solo episodes on Fridays.
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The Daily J is a daily series on Calm and it s meant to inspire you while outlining tools and techniques to live a more mindful, stress-free life.
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We dive into a range of topics and the best part is each episode is only 7 minutes long, so you can incorporate it into your schedule no matter how busy you are.
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As a dedicated part of the On Purpose community, I wanted to do something special for you this year, so I ll be playing a hand-picked Daily J during each of my Friday podcasts.
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This week we re talking about your relationships and how to create the most meaningful connections with the people that matter to you.
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Of course, if you want to listen to The Daily J every day, you can go subscribe to Calm.
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So go to calm.com forward slash J for 40% off your membership today.
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I m excited.
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We have a couple mutual friends.
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Do you know Penny Thao?
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Yes, of course.
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Yeah, of course I do.
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Yeah.
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So Penny, I used to live with Penny in Vancouver.
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No way.
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That s like 17 years ago.
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And her sister, I was in her sister s wedding party.
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I was just with Penny in New York.
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That s amazing.
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Yeah, because she was saying that you were just at one of the races.
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Yeah, Austin.
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Yeah, Austin.
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Yeah, absolutely.
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Aren t those so fun, those races?
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She s so phenomenally talented as well.
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She s unbelievable.
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That s where I ve literally gotten all of my life advice and business advice from her.
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That s amazing.
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I love that.
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And I have your book right here.
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I m really excited to talk to you about it.
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That s Eight Rules of Love.
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I m so excited because I love a book that you can also take action with, which is so incredible.
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And after reading this book, I m curious your thoughts on Valentine s Day.
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That s such a great question to start with.
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No one s asked me that yet.
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I think that a lot of these days across the calendar are invented as great ways to present love and perform love.
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But to me, I think sometimes they create a belief that we have to wait for that day to show love, or we show love emphatically on that day, but then we forget the rest of the days.
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And so I see them as a wonderful reminder.
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I see them as a great way of
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recognizing and celebrating something so special but at the same time i think it puts so much pressure on people i think it makes people do things they would never do for someone i think people feel pressured to be someone they re not or do something that doesn t feel right or likely for them to do
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And so I think we all have to make of it what we want to make of it ourselves and not feel like we have to buy into the society s definition of what Valentine s Day should be or what the movies say you should do on Valentine s Day.
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And so I think sometimes it plays into that Hollywood romance of what love is meant to be and it takes us away from what love actually is.
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It s so true.
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Our perception is so skewed sometimes of what love and what we think love is.
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And I mean, whether that s social media or the movies, it s, it s happened for so long, I can think of all the Disney movies or all the rom coms I saw growing up.
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And then you have this perception of what love is supposed to be.
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But then you see your parents love and then that s a different kind of love.
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And then you see your the love that you have.
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And you re like, why is this not feel like the magic that they show in the movies.
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So
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You said that nobody really sits down and teaches us how to love.
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The question that I had is, I m like, how would someone even do that?
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Because we all feel love so differently.
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Do you think this is something we should be teaching as parents?
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No, that s a great question.
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I don t think that we can teach it like how we learned in school, but I think there needs to be an element of what to look out for, what to understand.
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I think it s a beautiful thing for anyone to try and teach and learn.
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I think a lot of the time we teach people what to think about love and not how to think about love.
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And so you wouldn t say love is XYZ and that s what it looks like and that s what you should be looking for.
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I think that s unhealthy because it can mean different things to different people, as you rightly said.
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But I think we should encourage people to say, well, this is how love could make you feel or this is what love could look like.
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And this is what healthy love looks like, and this is what toxic relationships look like.
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I think having some wisdom and insight around healthy and unhealthy relationships probably is going to set you up better than a random conversation about love with so many different people in your family, as you were rightly saying, right?
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You look at your parents  relationship, you see the relationship your friends have, you watch the movies and TV shows, and then you kind of make your own version up.
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but none of that is based on cues that are healthy or insightful or thoughtful.
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As much as I don t think we need a course on love, I do think we need a course on emotions and how to understand your own emotions, how to understand other people s emotions.
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I find that love may be too big for that, but emotions and emotional regulation and emotional awareness, these are skills and tools that would actually help you have better relationships.
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And that s why in the book, even though it s the eight rules of love, the eight rules are about communication.
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They re about debate and fighting.
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They re about connecting.
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They re about the things you can control.
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Yeah, that s true.
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I guess that s a good point of talking about the things you can control.
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Where do you think the culture around love with the fairy tale endings and the perfect match come from?
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Do you think that does stem from like movies and Hollywood?
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I think it comes from a few places.
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I think there s a deep part of us that wants to believe
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and wants to yearn for this perfect love.
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And I think that that s true and fair and good.
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I think the challenge is that the image that s been created of perfect love is what s unhealthy.
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So it s not the idea of perfect love that s unhealthy.
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It s the idea of a perfect love in this way that sends us on the wrong path.
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I think that
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When you look at movies, we all know that they show you everything up until people move in together.
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Or if they show you people moving in together, they fight and then make up over something fairly superficial.
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Or you look at couples who do the same things on the date night in the movies or the anniversary parties and the events.
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And so I do feel that media has played a massive role, even today.
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And I give this story in the book of my own proposal.
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And when I proposed to my wife, I did it.
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I mean, I ll cut the long story short.
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Everyone can read the book for the full version, but
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In the book, I talk about how I did the full acapella song singing Bruno Mars, Will You Marry Me?
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Obviously, I got down on one knee.
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I had a horse-drawn carriage through London.
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And it s like, I got all those ideas from social media.
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I did not get them from my wife.
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I did not get them from my heart.
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I did not get them from what I thought was love.
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I got them from social media and TV.
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And so I think a lot of the ideas we have do come
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from media and I think there has to be a filtering process to say, wait a minute, is this what my partner wants?
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Is this what I want?
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Is this what love looks like to the person I love?
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Or is it just something that I ve adopted because I watched a show or a movie?
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That s why your book is going to be so incredible for so many people.
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And I love that it s written for all stages of love.
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So whether you re looking for the right person, or you found the right person and you want to keep them, but love is really confusing.
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And I m sure it is because of, you know, all the things we see or we compare, we don t know.
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But how do you know when it is the right person?
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Do you really believe that there is that feeling where you re like, when you know, you know, or like,
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do you know it s the right person?
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Because we all seem to want to, you know, if there s a fight or an argument or they don t treat you right, and you re like, I could easily give up.
1
SPEAKER_00
So how do you know it s the right person?
1
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Yeah, I feel that
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The idea that you know when you know, that s beautiful if you ve experienced that and I love that for you, but that can t be our best advice on love because what that says to someone is you might have to meet eight billion people to decide whether you ve met the one because what if you don t know after 20, 30, 200, 300 people that you ve dated or met?
1
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And so the way I like to look at it is I break it down into three simple things.
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You know you re in love when these three things happen.
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You like their personality and they like yours.
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You respect their values and they respect yours.
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And you re committed to helping them towards their goals and they re committed to you helping you towards your goals.
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And I find that that really simplifies it.
1
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I had someone the other day who told me that they were about to get married and they said, Jay, what s your best advice?
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And I asked them these questions.
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I said, do you know what their values are?
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Tell me your partner s top three values right now.
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And they said some really broad things like kind and family.
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And I was like, okay, but what do they really value inside of their family?
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And they were struggling.
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And then I said, what are your partner s top three goals in the next three years?
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And they didn t know.
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And I started to realize that it s not about whether you know they re the one, it s actually more about how much you know about them.
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And I think that s what we need to understand more.
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Do you know how they respond to stress?
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Do you know how they respond to fatigue?
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Do you know when they re happy?
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Do you understand how they deal with sadness and disappointment?
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If you know all those things and you can still appreciate, respect, and love someone, that s love.
1
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Love isn t this idea of, I just feel great around them, but I actually don t know much about them because that can feel good for six months to 12 months.
1
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But when you start looking at a long-term relationship, that s what lets you down.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, because a lot of people, and I ll get to this, a lot of people feel like they just don t want to be alone.
1
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Feeling lonely is worse than being in a relationship and you get through it after six months.
1
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Oh, it s fine.
1
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It s fine.
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And then a year happens and you re like, oh, I can t deal with this.
1
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But at the time you re like,
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that s better than being lonely.
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You point out that will I ever find love is the most popular search engine question that people ask.
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Why do you think that is?
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Why are we so worried about being alone and finding somebody?
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Yeah, so if you Google, will I ever, Google says the rest of the sentences, find love.
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And if you say, will I ever, it will say, get married.
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So that s in the top three or top five as well.
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And then the next one is, will I am net worth, because people seem to be really fascinated by will I am s net worth.
1
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And his net worth is 70 million, according to Google, for anyone who s Googling it right now.
1
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But going back to the topic, and everyone can check their will I ever afterwards.
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I think it s something that scares us about the future.
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I think we re scared of being alone now, but we re more scared of being alone in the future.
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That s why the question is, will I ever find love?
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Because I think we re scared about the idea of growing old alone, of going through life alone, of seeing everyone in our life with someone else, but us not having that other person.
1
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And those are all very valid emotions and very valid fears.
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But I think at the same time, we have to realize that when you re feeling alone, when you re fearing being by yourself, you don t make good decisions.
1
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Research shows that if you get into a relationship because you feel alone, you re more likely to settle for less than you deserve, you re more likely to be dependent on that person,
1
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and you re less likely going to be able to break up, even if it s not working out.
1
SPEAKER_04
And so when you get into a relationship because you re scared of being alone, you actually choose someone who s not even what you want from a relationship, but you feel safer in a false way, and you feel secure in a false way, and you know that deep down, which scares you even more.
1
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And so your fear actually becomes worse.
1
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But again, you know, Caitlin, it comes from the idea that when we were young,
1
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If you had lunch on your own, you were considered the weirdo.
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The Steven Glanzberg.
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Exactly, exactly, exactly.
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From Superbad, right?
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Yeah.
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I love that you brought that up in the book.
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That was amazing.
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Exactly, exactly.
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And if you had a birthday party and no one showed up or a few people showed up, you were the loner.
1
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Hey, by the way, when you re 30 years old and over, if you get five of your best friends to show up, you re really happy about that.
1
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You take pride in that.
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And then, you know, when you went to a wedding as a plus and you didn t have a plus one, people will be like, oh, poor you, like sad for you.
1
SPEAKER_04
So we ve kind of made it feel awkward to be alone.
1
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And so now we carry that.
1
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But we d rather be with anyone than be alone.
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And that s the challenge.
1
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Yeah.
1
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How can being alone actually help you attract the right person?
1
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So I think we all start alone.
1
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And that s part of the puzzle that, you know, we start alone and being alone in and of itself will not help you attract the right person.
1
SPEAKER_04
Like just being single or just being alone doesn t do the work.
1
SPEAKER_04
But I think your question is what, what can you do when you re alone to attract the right person?
1
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I think the first thing is you need to do something hard and challenging by yourself.
1
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You could take on a new workout class.
1
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You could take on a new health habit.
1
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You could take on, I mean, what you re going off to do, you re going off to do an incredible retreat over the next few days.
1
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You re taking on something challenging.
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When you take on something challenging,
1
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when you re alone or when you re single or when you re by yourself, you gain the strength and courage to understand what you have inside of you.
1
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Now, when you get into a relationship, you realize you re bringing so much to the table.
1
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You realize that I m a confident, complete, whole individual.
1
SPEAKER_04
You stop thinking like, oh, I hope I find my better half or I hope I find someone that completes me.
1
SPEAKER_04
and you start recognizing, well, actually, I have a lot to offer someone because I can do hard things by myself.
1
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I have done challenging things by myself.
1
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And so that would be the first thing I d say when you re alone.
1
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The second thing I d say is you actually have time to understand and learn about yourself.
1
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I think when you don t do that alone, you just sign up and subscribe to what everyone else likes.
1
SPEAKER_04
If your partner likes a certain type of food, now you like it.
1
SPEAKER_04
If they like a certain type of entertainment, you like it.
1
SPEAKER_04
And then 10, 20 years down the line, you realize you ve lost who you are because you just followed what they wanted to do.
1
SPEAKER_04
And I think a lot of people end up feeling like they lost themselves.
1
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But the truth is, they never found themselves in the first place.
1
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So when you find yourself in solitude, you don t lose yourself in a relationship.
1
SPEAKER_01
Hey, everyone, this is Molly and Matt.
1
SPEAKER_01
And we re the hosts of Grownup Stuff How to Adult, a podcast from Ruby Studio and iHeart Podcast.
1
SPEAKER_02
It s a show dedicated to helping you figure out the trickiest parts of adulting.
1
SPEAKER_01
like how to start planning for retirement, creating a healthy skincare routine, understanding when and how much to tip someone, and so much more.
1
SPEAKER_02
We re back with season two of the podcast, which means more opportunities to glow up and become a more responsible and better adult, one life lesson at a time.
1
SPEAKER_01
And let me just tell you, this show is just as much for us as it is for you.
1
SPEAKER_01
So let s figure this stuff out together.
1
SPEAKER_01
This season, we re going to talk about whether or not we re financially and emotionally ready for dog ownership.
1
SPEAKER_02
We re going to figure out the benefits of a high yield savings account.
1
SPEAKER_01
And what exactly are the duties of being a member of the wedding party?
1
SPEAKER_02
All that plus so much more.
1
SPEAKER_01
Let s learn about all of it and then some.
1
SPEAKER_01
Listen to Grown Up Stuff How to Adult on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
1
SPEAKER_03
Guess what, Mango?
1
SPEAKER_03
What s up, Will?
1
SPEAKER_03
So iHeart is giving us a whole minute to promote our podcast, Part-Time Genius.
1
SPEAKER_03
I know.
1
SPEAKER_03
That s why I spent my whole week composing a haiku for the occasion.
1
SPEAKER_03
It s about my emotional journey in podcasting over the last seven years, and it s called Earthquake House.
1
SPEAKER_03
Mango, I m going to cut you off right there.
2
SPEAKER_03
We just tell people about our show instead.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, that s a better idea.
2
SPEAKER_03
So every week on Part-Time Genius, we feed our curiosity by answering the world s most important questions.
2
SPEAKER_03
Things like, when did America start dialing 911?
2
SPEAKER_03
Is William Shatner s best acting work in Esperanto?
2
SPEAKER_03
Also, what happened to Esperanto?
2
SPEAKER_02
Plus, we cover questions like how Chinese is your Chinese food?
2
SPEAKER_02
How do dollar stores stay in business?
2
SPEAKER_02
And of course, is there an Illuminati of cheese?
2
SPEAKER_02
There absolutely is.
2
SPEAKER_03
And we are risking our lives by talking about it.
2
SPEAKER_03
But if you love mind-blowing facts, incredible history and really bad jokes, make your brains happy and tune in to Part-Time Genius.
2
SPEAKER_02
Listen to Part-Time Genius on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.
2
SPEAKER_01
That is such a good point.
2
SPEAKER_01
People are probably like, Caitlin, shut up about your ex relationship that we ve heard about 30 million times.
2
SPEAKER_01
But I always relate it back to certain things where I completely lost myself in this relationship.
2
SPEAKER_01
But when you say that it s not even that you lost yourself, it s you didn t find yourself in the first place.
2
SPEAKER_01
That is so
2
SPEAKER_01
true.
2
SPEAKER_01
I completely found myself, you know, close to the age of 30.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I was in all these relationships, losing myself, quote unquote, to all these people when really, I just hadn t found out who I really truly was.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I m still figuring that out.
2
SPEAKER_01
But it s, it s just it s such a fascinating topic.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I wanted to ask you the difference between loneliness and solitude for those listening.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, so I love this beautiful statement from Paul Tillich where he talks about the fact that the English language has two words for being alone, but we only use one of them.
2
SPEAKER_00
We only use loneliness.
2
SPEAKER_00
And loneliness is the weakness of being alone, but solitude is the strength, or as he says, the glory of being alone.
2
SPEAKER_00
And it s really interesting that in our language, we always say, I m alone, I m single.
2
SPEAKER_00
We don t say I m in solitude, right?
2
SPEAKER_00
We don t actually use that word because we see it as a weakness.
2
SPEAKER_00
And if you see being alone as a weakness and you see a relationship as a strength, that means you re weak by yourself and you re only strong with this person.
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Now, if you re only strong with this person, when that person leaves or something goes wrong or there s a challenge, you go back to feeling weak again.
2
SPEAKER_00
And so your strength can t be found only in a relationship.
2
SPEAKER_00
Your strength is found by yourself, through yourself.
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SPEAKER_00
And when you re strong, when you re powerful, when you re courageous, then when you get into a relationship, you can build more strength together, right?
2
SPEAKER_00
If you ve got a broken home and you only find a complete home with someone else,
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you feel broken continuously.
2
SPEAKER_00
And that s when we have these ideas of like, oh, they re out of my league.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m not good enough for them.
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SPEAKER_00
Or maybe I ve got to do something to impress them because you walked into the relationship feeling that they were better than you because they made you whole.
2
SPEAKER_00
And so that never stops.
2
SPEAKER_00
That continues even in the relationship of, I have to earn their respect, or I have to impress them, or I have to keep them excited and interested.
2
SPEAKER_00
And if that s done from a place of love, that s beautiful.
2
SPEAKER_00
But if it s done from a place of fear,
2
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and insecurity and that s the thing.
2
SPEAKER_00
Sometimes love and fear can look like the same thing.
2
SPEAKER_00
You re trying to make someone happy, you re trying to make someone feel good, you re trying to help someone but are you doing it from a place of fear and insecurity because they might leave or are you doing it from a place of you deeply respect and admire this person?
2
SPEAKER_01
Gosh, I wish I could have you for like eight hours on this podcast.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s just so good.
2
SPEAKER_01
I know.
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, this is just such it s like it probably feels very simple to you, but it s so profound to me.
2
SPEAKER_00
And no, it doesn t.
2
SPEAKER_00
You re you re inspiring, Caitlin.
2
SPEAKER_00
I have to tell you, like you ve asked me some questions today and it must be your energy because I ve said things to you today that I ve not said before.
2
SPEAKER_00
And yeah, and whenever I do that, and I m very aware of that because A, I try to be fully present and energetically present whenever I m doing anything.
2
SPEAKER_00
And often I find when you re talking about a book or you re meeting and doing lots of podcasts or interviews or whatever it may be, I try really hard to not repeat myself.
2
SPEAKER_00
But I find that
2
SPEAKER_00
when the host, especially today, I m feeling that with you, I feel you re so present and these are such real questions that I feel I m being inspired energetically to give answers that I ve not given before.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I just want to share that because I m honestly, everything that is coming out of my mouth, I m like, I m going to tell my team, I m like, guys, we need to write that down because I haven t said that before.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I really appreciate it.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, you re inspiring that.
2
SPEAKER_00
I want you to know that s your energy as a host.
2
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
2
SPEAKER_01
That is the most flattering thing anyone s ever said to me.
2
SPEAKER_01
But it s, it s, you know, it s funny is I ve, this is such a dream job of mine to interview people that inspire me.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I went to my energy healer this morning, and he even told me the same thing.
2
SPEAKER_01
He was like, I m really impressed by your energy.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, what?
2
SPEAKER_01
So then hearing you say it today, I m like, okay, this, I feel like I m on the right path.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m going to Hoffman tomorrow.
2
SPEAKER_01
Everything s lining up.
2
SPEAKER_01
This is, this is so great.
2
SPEAKER_01
So thank you for sharing that with me also, because that s extremely flattering.
2
SPEAKER_00
No, well, I m going to add also that I can vouch for it for all your audience because you won t tell them this.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I was extremely late today for this interview because I was running late from other interviews and my team was in touch with Caitlin and I was DMing her as well frantically going, Caitlin, I m really sorry.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I turned up today and Caitlin and her team
2
SPEAKER_00
received me as if I turned up early.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s how much love I felt and how much kindness I felt.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, this is a human who s living in that space.
2
SPEAKER_00
So she wouldn t have told you that.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s why I m telling you all of that.
2
SPEAKER_00
And Caitlin, I really appreciate that too.
2
SPEAKER_00
So thank you.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh my gosh, that s amazing.
2
SPEAKER_01
I won t take too much more of your time.
2
SPEAKER_01
I do have some more questions.
2
SPEAKER_00
Please.
2
SPEAKER_01
People are so excited, by the way, that you re on this podcast today.
2
SPEAKER_01
I got so many DMs when I said that I was talking to you.
2
SPEAKER_01
So
2
SPEAKER_00
Ask everything.
2
SPEAKER_00
Ask away.
2
SPEAKER_00
I want to make sure I answer all your questions.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m going to.
2
SPEAKER_01
And you know what?
2
SPEAKER_01
I have been going through your book and I can t wait because I have such a long flight tomorrow.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I mean, it s just incredible.
2
SPEAKER_01
The way you speak, the way you write, everything.
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, some people are born with it, maybe, but you have obviously gone through phases in your life or things in your life that have gotten you to where you are today.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I know you.
2
SPEAKER_01
Were you three years as a monk?
2
SPEAKER_00
Yes, that s right.
2
SPEAKER_00
Three years.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, I can t like to me.
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I did bachelor.
2
SPEAKER_01
This is obviously not the same.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m saying I did bachelor, but I did not have a phone is what I m getting at.
2
SPEAKER_01
I didn t have a phone or TV or anything.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, I m so isolated.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then for Hoffman, I m actually excited to be alone, not have a phone get uncomfortable.
2
SPEAKER_01
And and I just feel like I can t even imagine
2
SPEAKER_01
how three years you probably at first maybe it was uncomfortable and then did you just surrender to the process or did you fall in love with the silence?
2
SPEAKER_01
How was that for you?
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, well, I think I went into it with the mindset you re going into Hoffman, which was, I m going to apply myself fully to this process.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m really excited about it and I m going to follow it the way it s being taught because then I ll actually get the reward, right?
2
SPEAKER_00
If I start cutting corners or if I start trying to make it more comfortable, then I m not getting anything.
2
SPEAKER_00
the first month, my mind was going crazy because when you go silent externally, your internal dialogue eats you alive.
2
SPEAKER_00
And so your mind is just frantic, it s stressed, it s putting pressure on you, it s asking questions, it s demanding things of you.
2
SPEAKER_00
And you find that as you tolerate that and as you listen to that,
2
SPEAKER_00
it gets quieter.
2
SPEAKER_00
But then what ends up happening is you start asking deeper questions and more thoughtful questions come up.
2
SPEAKER_00
And you start going through some uncomfortable uncoverings and revelations where you re looking at dark sides or mistakes or regrets and you start excavating.
2
SPEAKER_00
And that s tough, but it s
2
SPEAKER_00
glorious on the other side.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then the third thing that happened after all of that was a sense of comfort in discomfort, that the idea that doing uncomfortable things became more natural.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I realized that this applies to anything, whether you re going to go and sit in a cold plunge, whether you re going to meditate, whether you re going to Hoffman, whether you
2
SPEAKER_00
go off and become a monk.
2
SPEAKER_00
The point is that we have to get comfortable with uncomfortable situations because life is full of uncertainty and discomfort.
2
SPEAKER_00
And so I think that s really what
2
SPEAKER_00
I would say made all the difference, that it s not that I found it easy.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s not that it was natural for me.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s not that I m this special human being who could make this.
2
SPEAKER_00
It was easy.
2
SPEAKER_00
It was natural.
2
SPEAKER_00
It was tough.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s difficult.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s still tough today.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t think it ever stopped, but I think you get more conscious and more skilled at being able to take on the challenge.
2
SPEAKER_01
Let s talk about discomfort for a minute.
2
SPEAKER_01
How do we know when to break up from a tough relationship or push through to make it special?
2
SPEAKER_01
Because I guess I want to know like, is fighting and arguing bad?
2
SPEAKER_01
And when do we know that that s when we should leave?
2
SPEAKER_01
Or if it s like, well, we committed to each other, and we need to get through this.
2
SPEAKER_01
And that s what makes a relationship special.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I think there s a difference between we need to get through this and we want to get through this.
2
SPEAKER_00
So a relationship that lasts is that there s enthusiasm and energy to say,
3
SPEAKER_02
Look, it s a tough time, but we re both going to figure it out, right?
3
SPEAKER_02
We re both going to grow.
3
SPEAKER_02
We re both going to change.
3
SPEAKER_02
We re both going to learn.
3
SPEAKER_02
And there s this collective thing.
3
SPEAKER_02
And what I find in relationships that often end are when one person wants to work on the relationship and the other person doesn t.
3
SPEAKER_02
So it s never when both people are excited and enthused and focused on building the relationship.
3
SPEAKER_02
I think another thing I d like to say is that when it comes to arguments and fighting, if it s manipulative, toxic, abusive, emotionally manipulative,
3
SPEAKER_02
That s not the kind of fighting or discussion or debate that I encourage in the book.
3
SPEAKER_02
What I m talking about is that every couple argues to some degree, but knowing how to argue better is a really healthy skill.
3
SPEAKER_02
And some agreements are really good.
3
SPEAKER_02
For example, my wife and I have some agreements.
3
SPEAKER_02
One is that we ll never raise our voice at each other.
3
SPEAKER_02
We can be angry and upset, but that doesn t mean we need to shout.
3
SPEAKER_02
We can express it, but it doesn t need to be really, really loud.
3
SPEAKER_02
Second thing is we don t swear at each other.
3
SPEAKER_02
Uh, we don t want to use that language with each other.
3
SPEAKER_02
The third thing is we don t throw around the word divorce or I m going to leave you or breakup.
3
SPEAKER_02
It s not something that you get to use every time, every time things get tough or there s something challenging.
3
SPEAKER_02
And so these are just some basic agreements, but I think having healthy agreements of how do we deal with conflict.
3
SPEAKER_02
How do we deal with when one of us is going through a really tough time personally?
3
SPEAKER_02
I think having those boundaries and agreements and rules is a really healthy way to form a relationship and ultimately
3
SPEAKER_02
A relationship that s going to last is because you both are willing to put in the work.
3
SPEAKER_02
That s what it comes down to.
3
SPEAKER_02
And if there s only one of you willing to put in the work, that s you dragging the relationship forward.
3
SPEAKER_02
And that s a decision you have to make personally, whether you want to be that person.
3
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, I feel like sometimes when we do that, we re all just, you know, if we cross a boundary, or we let the boundary go, and then it s like, how do you come back from that?
3
SPEAKER_03
How do we, how do we stop ourselves from making the same mistakes over and over again, which a lot of people do in relationships?
3
SPEAKER_02
I think the way you stop yourself from making mistakes over and over again is you journal and write down how you feel in the moment.
3
SPEAKER_02
See, the challenging thing is that we forget when things get good and we remember when things go bad.
3
SPEAKER_02
And so your memory only kicks in when everything s going wrong.
3
SPEAKER_02
And you re like, oh, my gosh, I should have seen those three red flags.
3
SPEAKER_02
But then when things got good, you went, oh, no, they ve changed.
3
SPEAKER_02
Everything s OK now.
3
SPEAKER_02
And that s why I always say to people, make a mental and physical record.
3
SPEAKER_02
a journal of exactly how you feel when things are bad and exactly how you feel when things are good.
3
SPEAKER_02
And when you keep that record, now when it happens again, you re like, oh, wait a minute, let me not be fooled by the momentary happiness and joy, because really what I m experiencing is this.
3
SPEAKER_02
And I think what we do is we kind of have this yo-yo pendulum oscillating effect of like, the good times are really good, but the bad times are really bad.
3
SPEAKER_02
And I think that that s the unhealthy part that you don t want to swing back and forth.
3
SPEAKER_02
It s actually better to be like, hey, we have some tough times and we deal with them and we have some great times and they re awesome.
3
SPEAKER_02
But you just don t want that to get so wide and so extreme that you re literally swinging from one side to the other.
3
SPEAKER_03
Right.
3
SPEAKER_03
And we ll talk about arguments for a minute.
3
SPEAKER_03
I know you say that people have different fight styles, the venter, the hider, the exploder, and none of them are technically bad.
3
SPEAKER_03
But at what point do you think you should be concerned about the way you re fighting with your partner?
3
SPEAKER_03
Like maybe not the word fighting, but arguing is healthy.
3
SPEAKER_03
Like at what point?
3
SPEAKER_03
Again, you re probably saying like if it s manipulative, that s probably it.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_02
So I would say that
3
SPEAKER_02
Two people in any relationship are going to have challenges and problems.
3
SPEAKER_02
And you re going to have to have uncomfortable conversations.
3
SPEAKER_02
Sometimes we avoid fights by suppressing how we really feel.
3
SPEAKER_02
And so we say to everyone, we never fight, we never argue.
3
SPEAKER_02
And we wear that as like an achievement, like a badge of honor.
3
SPEAKER_02
But really inside, it s burning us because we re not talking about what we really want to talk about.
3
SPEAKER_02
But on the flip side, I d say that if arguments are constantly happening where both people are pointing the finger at the other person, and both people are not willing to look at their involvement and their responsibility in what s going on,
3
SPEAKER_02
that s when you can t go further.
3
SPEAKER_02
It requires that ownership and responsibility where both people look back and say, I know what I m getting wrong.
3
SPEAKER_02
You know what you re getting wrong.
3
SPEAKER_02
Okay, let s get this right.
3
SPEAKER_02
Rather than, no, no, no, it s all about you.
3
SPEAKER_02
You re doing everything wrong.
3
SPEAKER_02
And then you re like, no, you re doing everything wrong.
3
SPEAKER_02
And if it s constantly a battle of
3
SPEAKER_02
you re the mistake, you re the problem, you re the issue, that can get very exhausting very, very quickly.
3
SPEAKER_02
And the challenge is, most of the time, relationships don t end because there s a big issue.
3
SPEAKER_02
They end because we keep arguing about little things.
3
SPEAKER_02
We get exhausted from arguing about the tiniest things.
3
SPEAKER_02
It doesn t have to be like someone cheated or it doesn t have to be like someone stole money or it doesn t have to be something as extreme as that sometimes.
3
SPEAKER_02
It s literally you keep arguing about tiny things and you re exhausted and now you have no energy for love.
3
SPEAKER_01
When the Taliban banned music in Afghanistan, millions were plunged into silence.
3
SPEAKER_01
Radios were smashed.
3
SPEAKER_01
Cassettes burned.
3
SPEAKER_01
You could be beaten or jailed or killed for breaking the rules.
3
SPEAKER_01
And yet, Afghans did it anyway.
3
SPEAKER_01
This is the story of how a group of people brought music back to Afghanistan by creating their own version of American Idol.
3
SPEAKER_01
The danger they endured.
3
SPEAKER_03
They said my head should be cut off.
3
SPEAKER_01
The joy they brought to the nation.
3
SPEAKER_00
You re free completely.
3
SPEAKER_00
No one is there to destroy you.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m John Legend.
3
SPEAKER_01
Listen to Afghan Star on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
3
SPEAKER_00
A new season of Bridgerton is here.
3
SPEAKER_00
And with it, a new season of Bridgerton, the official podcast.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m your host, Gabrielle Collins.
3
SPEAKER_00
And this season, we are bringing fans even deeper into the ton.
3
SPEAKER_00
Colin Bridgerton has returned from his travels abroad.
3
SPEAKER_00
Is Betrothal written in the stars for the eligible bachelor?
3
SPEAKER_00
Meanwhile, the ton is reverberating with speculation of who holds Lady Whistledown s pen.
3
SPEAKER_00
We re discussing it all.
3
SPEAKER_00
I sit down with Nicola Coughlin, Luke Newton, Shonda Rhimes, and more to offer an exclusive peek behind the scenes of each episode of the new season.
3
SPEAKER_00
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SPEAKER_00
Then, fall in love all over again by listening to Bridgerton, the official podcast, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
3
SPEAKER_00
Subscribe to catch a new episode every Thursday.
3
SPEAKER_03
I like that you say the journaling part.
3
SPEAKER_03
Historically, I have been the exploder in a relationship and journaling and writing down, I ll never forget what a therapist told me one time.
3
SPEAKER_03
I said, sometimes it just comes out and it s stronger than me and these mean things come out.
3
SPEAKER_03
And she goes, why don t you just try once?
3
SPEAKER_03
writing down just awful things that come into your head of what you would say to your partner and then fold it into a piece of paper and then put it on the counter and say, this is how I was feeling and it s not very nice but if you d like to read it you re more than welcome.
3
SPEAKER_03
They re probably not going to want to read it and then you re probably not going to even want to put it on the counter because you ll realize by the time you wrote it down that it s not something you should have said in the first place.
3
SPEAKER_03
And I did that one time and it really shifted my perspective and something in my brain for that.
3
SPEAKER_03
And I was like, oh my gosh.
3
SPEAKER_03
Okay, so then I have a question.
3
SPEAKER_03
So if you are one to avoid conflicts or you are hiding it or pushing it down out of fear, what should you do to avoid that?
3
SPEAKER_02
Avoid suppressing it, you mean?
3
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
3
SPEAKER_02
So I think there s a difference between expressing anger and pain and explaining anger and pain.
3
SPEAKER_02
And so I think people think that the opposite of expressing is suppressing.
3
SPEAKER_02
and you re not trying to get to the opposite of expressing, you re trying to explain how you feel.
3
SPEAKER_02
I ll show you the difference.
3
SPEAKER_02
Expressing is, you re an idiot, I hate you, you re ruining my life, right?
3
SPEAKER_02
That s expressing.
3
SPEAKER_02
You re just literally throwing it at someone.
3
SPEAKER_02
Explaining is saying,
3
SPEAKER_02
When you talk to me like this, this is what I feel, this is what I experience.
3
SPEAKER_02
When we deal with our issues in this way, it makes me feel upset, inadequate, whatever it may be.
3
SPEAKER_02
You re explaining how you feel and now
4
SPEAKER_00
you ve shifted the energy, because now you can actually have a conversation about what you re talking about, rather than someone just having to catch your emotions and catch your energy.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so, to me, explaining anger, not expressing it, allows you to actually not suppress it.
4
SPEAKER_00
Because if you just go, okay, I ve got to deal with this all in my head, I m not gonna say anything to them, that s unhealthy, because that s just gonna keep burning inside of you.
4
SPEAKER_00
So, what I recommend is,
4
SPEAKER_00
Taking out time, taking a moment, and actually, even more than all of that, prepare before you end up in that position.
4
SPEAKER_00
You know you re gonna say something you don t mean.
4
SPEAKER_00
You know you re gonna say something hurtful and potentially damaging.
4
SPEAKER_00
Set yourself up before and say, when I m about to hit that zone, explain how I feel, don t just express it.
4
SPEAKER_01
Why do you think that s so hard for people to do?
4
SPEAKER_01
When you say it and I hear you say it, why is it so hard for people to execute that, doing that?
4
SPEAKER_00
Because we haven t practiced.
4
SPEAKER_00
We ve never practiced it.
4
SPEAKER_00
All we ve ever done is let whatever we think come straight out of our mouth.
4
SPEAKER_00
And maybe we didn t even think about it.
4
SPEAKER_00
We felt it and we said it.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so it s just because we haven t practiced it.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so it s not something that you should know how to do.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s not something that you must know how to do.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s something we have to train ourselves into a habit of doing it.
4
SPEAKER_00
Right?
4
SPEAKER_00
So if every time you re in that moment, in that heated moment, you have to learn to cool down, whether it s through prompts, physically, you know, present, like, for example, like, one of the things that I often say to people is, if you re about to say something mean, hold their hand.
4
SPEAKER_00
If you re holding someone s hands, you re less likely about to say something hurtful and harmful because you think you can say something harmful because you feel distant from them.
4
SPEAKER_00
But if you feel a bit closer to them, you re going to say it in a much more conscious, intentional way.
4
SPEAKER_00
Another thing I d add is usually when we argue, it s not scheduled.
4
SPEAKER_00
And what I mean by that is if you have to have a difficult or uncomfortable conversation, don t just have it when someone walks through the door or when someone s about to go through a really important interview.
4
SPEAKER_00
Have it when you say, by the way, I really need to talk to you about this.
4
SPEAKER_00
Can we schedule time?
4
SPEAKER_00
And I think that s what s so important is that you re not just having arguments because you re uncontrolled.
4
SPEAKER_00
you re actually setting yourself up for success by saying, can we talk about this when you re less stressed, I m less stressed, let s find the right time to have this uncomfortable conversation.
4
SPEAKER_00
The third thing I m going to say is often when we fight with people, we sit opposite them or stand opposite them.
4
SPEAKER_00
And a lot of research shows that when you re sitting on the same side, you actually feel like you re on the same team.
4
SPEAKER_00
And that s why a lot of leaders inside companies, when they have to give feedback or have tough conversations, they walk with people because now you re walking in the same direction and that s psychologically impacting you rather than sitting across the table from each other against each other, you re walking in the same direction with each other.
4
SPEAKER_01
I love that.
4
SPEAKER_01
That s actually really incredible advice for me to take away.
4
SPEAKER_01
And also, I feel like that s why people find
4
SPEAKER_01
therapy so beneficial, it almost is a scheduled time to talk about feelings that have built up.
4
SPEAKER_01
You don t immediately say it when they walk through the door, you go, Oh, I m going to save this for therapy, we could talk about it with a professional.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then by that time, you re able to deliver it.
4
SPEAKER_01
So I love all that advice.
4
SPEAKER_01
That s incredible.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I wanted to turn the beat around here for a minute and talk about people in happy, healthy relationships, I believe, such as yourself, how can we keep that spark alive in the relationship and grow with our partner instead of growing apart?
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I talk about in the book four levels of intimacy.
4
SPEAKER_00
And what I realized when I was sitting with couples, and it s not surprising, or when I was looking at the research, the number one activity couples do together is watch television.
4
SPEAKER_00
Now I m not against TV, I m not against watching TV together.
4
SPEAKER_00
I watch TV and movies with my wife all the time.
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But the problem is when that s the only thing you do together, which means 7 to 14 hours a week are spent both of you not connecting, not sharing an experience, not directing your energy towards each other but at the screen.
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And so that s one form of connection, but it s quite a low form.
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Higher than that is experiences and experiments.
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What I mean by that is do new things together.
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If you only ever see your partner do the same things, they do their job, they wash the dishes, they do the laundry, you see your partner do the same daily tasks, it s hard to learn something new about them.
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Whereas if you go to a painting class, a pottery class, maybe you go for a walk in a place you ve never been to before, you take a weekend break that you ve never visited before.
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When you do new things together, you learn new things about each other.
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That s what keeps the spark alive.
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I find that we want to find the spark, but we felt the spark because it was new.
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But now all we do is old things together.
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We don t do anything new together, and so how can there be a spark?
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A higher level than that is to learn together, grow together.
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You may not like listening to the same podcast or reading the same books, but if you re both doing your own learning, I promise you, you ll have more to share with each other and more to learn about each other.
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I think that we ve lost curiosity, Caitlin.
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I think we feel we know everything about our partners.
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I would honestly say to you, I ve been with my wife for 10 years, and I learn something new about her all the time, like it s ever fresh.
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And it s not that because I m amazing at spotting new things, it s because we constantly do new, exciting, enthralling things.
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And the key to that is do things where neither of you are the expert.
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Do things where it s not either of your passions.
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Do truly new things so you discover new things about each other.
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I m going to take that and run with it because I feel like Jason and I get caught up in this cycle of talking business because we both are super driven and motivated and we are so passionate about what we do that at the end of the night, we re not doing something, like you said, that you re not the best at.
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We re not taking that time to, we literally are like, we re tired, let s throw on a show or let s talk about business because that s something we both enjoy talking about.
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So I really appreciate that feedback because I think that s really helpful.
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And lastly, you talk about balancing work, love and life without losing yourself.
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How do you continue to give love to your partner, yourself?
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Some people have kids and your bucket might feel a little bit empty while you still have so much going on.
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Like how do you figure out how to keep everybody s buckets a little full?
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I think the problem is that we try and balance everything perfectly all the time.
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And, you know, Arianna Huffington once said, you can have it all, just not all at the same time.
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And I love that idea because there are different phases and stages to life.
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That s why when you re single, you re meant to fill yourself up.
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so that when you get into a relationship, you can fill each other up.
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And then when you have kids, you fill the kids up, and then you refill yourselves again.
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And so the way I d break it down is there s a different priority at different stages.
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That doesn t mean you re not filling yourself up and filling other people up at the same time.
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But you recognize that in this season, I need to focus more on the kids.
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In this season, I need to focus more on myself.
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And the only way you do it is by not putting pressure on yourself to do it all.
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You give yourself grace.
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You allow yourself to make mistakes.
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You recognize you re a flawed, normal, fallible human who doesn t get everything right all the time and that you try your best.
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And as simple as that sounds, I find that
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People know when you re trying your best.
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People know when you re consciously thinking of them.
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To be honest, sometimes I ll say to my wife, Hey, I know you ve been struggling with this.
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How can I help you?
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And her response is, Actually, I ve got it covered, but I m just thankful you thought of it.
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Half the time, our partners just want to feel seen, heard, and understood.
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They don t need you to do anything drastic.
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They don t need you to take them on the vacation or take them on the date night.
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They just want to feel seen, heard, and understood.
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And when they don t feel seen, heard, and understood, that s when they want the vacation, and that s when they want the anniversary party, and that s when they want the birthday party, because those are all ways of patching up all of the other issues that they feel.
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Yeah, so true.
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I mean, everything you say, I m like, yes, yes, yes.
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I m glad it s resonating.
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I really hope it resonates with your amazing audience and your community, because I m just trying to speak in real terms and try and speak as truthfully and openly as I can.
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Will, I mean, think about that book.
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There s some parts I definitely disagree with, but the women, men are from Mars, women are from Venus.
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it s just it s gone back so many years where it s people are wired a certain way and it s just not the same as it was however long ago that was you know what I mean so it s it s we re we re all trying to evolve and grow and change and and stay with the times and I feel like everything right now is it s not the same as it was in the cavemen days where men are from Mars and women are from Venus it s still maybe a little bit wired that way but we have to grow as we have to be so and our lives have changed right work work
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schedules have changed, work responsibilities have changed, so we can t keep applying that advice to these modern lives that we live.
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Yeah, I completely agree.
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I just, I am so grateful for you and I loved having you on my podcast and I know you are just so busy and I just can t tell you how grateful I am that you spent some time with me today and I just know how much this will mean, how much it meant to me personally and how much it will mean to my listeners as well and I want to like shout this book from the rooftop
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and have everybody get it because I love that it s for everybody and I love what you say and you ve helped me more than you know.
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So thank you, thank you, thank you.
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Well, Caitlin, I want to say thank you to you.
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I also want to say thank you to everyone who s been listening and watching and everyone who orders the book.
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Thank you so much.
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It means the world to me.
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I poured my heart into this book for two years.
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And so I deeply value anyone who takes a moment to read it.
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And I also want to send you away with a little intention, a little meditation, just to wish you well on this journey you re off to for the next six days.
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And I really hope that it s a transformative,
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deeply moving and impactful process for you, and I hope that when you come out of it, you have new lessons, new wisdom, new insight that you re able to apply in your life and share love, share joy, and share your spirit with everyone in your life.
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So I just wanted to put that intention out there for you and sending you so much love and positive energy through this journey.
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Thank you so much.
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I know you re going on a whole live tour when I get back, so I m sure we will cross paths, even if it s DMs.
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I hope you ll come and see me.
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Yeah, I hope you ll come and see the show.
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That would be awesome.
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I would love to.
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Is there a place where people can find your book, the dates you re going on tour, everywhere that everyone can find you?
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Yeah, the book can be ordered from 8rulesoflove.com, same as the title, 8rulesoflove.com, and the tour is at jschettytour.com, and all the dates are there, whether you re in the US or international, and so jschettytour.com.
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Good luck with your full tour.
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Thank you so much.
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You re just helping so many people and opening people s eyes and minds, and it s really incredible, and I just, again, thank you for that intention, and thank you for chatting with me today.
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Caitlin, it was so fun talking to you and we will keep in touch.
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And again, thank you so much.
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I m so grateful and all the best.
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Have a great six days.
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Thank you so much for listening to On Purpose.
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It means the world to me.
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I am so excited to be sharing these episodes with you.
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I am pumped and I cannot wait for the next one.
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We re often told that we ve got to focus on ourselves and that we can t look to others to make us happy.
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While that s in many ways true, there is a path to contentment that involves others without relying on them.
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Don t worry, I ll explain.
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The next seven minutes are about happiness and how you can find yours by helping others find theirs.
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I m Jay Shetty, welcome to The Daily Jay.
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Now I d like to pause here, as always, and get centered with three conscious breaths.
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Deep breath in and a slow breath out.
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Connecting with your body and releasing tension.
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Connecting with your mind and tapping in.
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There s a brilliant story about a teacher who hands each of her students a balloon and has them write their name on it with a marker.
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The teacher holds up a timer and tells the students, on the count of three, I m going to have you all throw your balloons up in the air and you ll have two minutes to find the one with your name.
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The teacher counts to three and the students are off, racing around the room.
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They re tripping over one another, wildly batting the balloons in their frantic search.
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It s mayhem.
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At the end of the two minutes, the teacher instructs everyone to freeze.
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She asks, who found their balloon?
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Only a few hands go up.
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OK, the teacher says.
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We re going to do it again.
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But now, I want you to pick up whichever balloon is closest to you and return it to its owner.
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This time, as the clock runs out, everyone has their balloon back.
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And something else is different too.
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Instead of looking harried and stressed, the students are smiling and laughing.
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The teacher explains that happiness is like those balloons.
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If we re only focused on our own happiness, we have a worse chance of actually locating it.
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But if we all share happiness wherever we can, we ll find our own as well.
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Now there s nothing wrong with looking for your own happiness.
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That s normal, it s healthy, and after all, we don t want to let others and what they do or don t do dictate the quality of our lives.
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But we can become so fixated on our search for contentment that we get anxious and stressed.
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We feel like trying to find joy is like looking for a needle in a haystack.
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In reality, happiness is all around us.
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It just might not be ours.
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Sometimes it s better to simply pick up someone else s balloon and hand it to them.
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The reality is that we are interdependent.
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And while we shouldn t expect others to give us our balloons, we can trust that at some point, our goodwill might come back around.
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We can also focus on the joy that giving joy gives you.
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In the words of Father Richard Rohr, the only way to hang on to joy is to share it.
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So what does it look like to hand someone their happiness?
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You ve probably already done it without realizing.
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It can be as easy as telling someone how much you appreciate them or thanking them for a job well done.
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Simple gestures like these don t just brighten a person s day, they also generate shared joy.
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I know you know that it feels good to make someone smile.
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And if you remain present in that shared joy, it s a surefire way to boost your own happiness too.
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When it comes down to it, we do need to care for ourselves.
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But at the same time, we re all in it together, figuring out this thing called life.
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And we should all hand out happiness when we can.
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And now, as our time today winds down, we can start to spread the love in our meditation.
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So get comfortable wherever you are, relaxing your body, easing tension.
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If you d like, you can put one hand on your stomach to feel the rise and fall of your breath.
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The other hand on your chest to connect with your source of love and kindness.
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See if you can access any feelings of warmth, generosity, compassion, and let those feelings flow out of you and into the world.
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You can even bring to mind a loved one or a friend.
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Someone who could use a little support or a pick me up.
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And send them your well wishes.
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May you be happy.
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And now let s open this up.
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Think about what you can do today to give someone else their balloon.
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How might it uplift you as well?
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Big picture, can you consider other people s happiness alongside this search for your own?
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I wish you a beautiful day full of joy and light and I can t wait to see you tomorrow.
6
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Hey everyone, this is Molly and Matt, and we re the hosts of Grown Up Stuff How to Adult, a podcast from Ruby Studio and iHeart Podcasts.
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It s a show dedicated to helping you figure out the trickiest parts of adulting.
6
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Like how to start planning for retirement, creating a healthy skincare routine, understanding when and how much to tip someone, and so much more.
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Let s learn about all of it and then some.
6
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Listen to Grown Up Stuff How to Adult on America s number one podcast network, iHeart.
6
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Open your free iHeart app and search Grown Up Stuff.
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Stop.