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My name is Lee Hawkins.
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I ve been a journalist for over 25 years.
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On my new podcast, What Happened in Alabama, I get answers to some of the hardest questions about how things came to be for many black Americans and the truth that must come before any reconciliation can happen.
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I investigate my family history, my upbringing in Minnesota, and my father s painful nightmares about growing up in Alabama.
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What Happened in Alabama is a new series confronting the cycles of trauma for myself, my family, and for many Black Americans.
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Listen now.
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Hello, Beckys and Danas.
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This is your friend Tig.
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I cannot believe this, but for three seasons, three whole seasons, I ve done my very best to help you resolve dilemmas, disputes, predicaments, pickles, conundrums, and of course, confessions.
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I have loved every minute of it, and I really want to thank everyone at APM Studios for giving me the opportunity to share all of my questionable advice with you wonderful, wonderful people.
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And now it s time that I tell you that this is actually the final episode of Don t Ask Tig.
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It is hard to believe that we have reached this place, but yes, it s true.
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It s the final episode.
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It has been such a pleasure to run into people and hear who has enjoyed the show, the help that they ve gotten, or just even the laughs that they ve had.
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It s always
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Well, sometimes not surprising who is a fan of the show, but the people that surprise me that are fans, it s a whole other level of a pleasure.
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And I m so thankful for all of my friends and the new friends I made that came on to the show.
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Oh my gosh, what a crazy ride it s been.
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I know this is a bit of a curveball,
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But, you know, I can t tell you a month in advance that the show is ending, you know, because I don t want you to be listening and feeling like, oh, no, we only have this many left and now it s just this and.
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So here we are.
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But if you do want to re-listen to your favorite episodes, this Don t Ask Tig feed will still live on right here at American Public Media.
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So come back and visit from time to time.
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I know I will be.
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And of course, I d love you to listen and subscribe to my new podcast, Handsome.
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which features me and my fellow comedians and friends, Mae Martin and Fortune Feimster.
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I m gonna be putting all of my podcasting energy into this new show, and I really hope that you come along and check it out and join us every week for a whole new load of nonsense and fun.
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It s a very different show.
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It s for sure a different show.
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But I think if you enjoy Don t Ask Tig, there s a really good chance that you ll enjoy Handsome.
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So head over there, check it out.
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And now, it s so crazy to say this, but here is one last episode of Don t Ask Tig.
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And I have to say,
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It s already one of my all-time favorites.
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And this is not a pat on my back, okay?
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But this is a good episode.
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So please enjoy Julia Louis-Dreyfus.
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How can I not have an answer to that question?
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And I don t.
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SPEAKER_03
Okay, well, that s completely fine.
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Edit that, edit that out, edit that out.
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No, we re gonna loop that through the whole episode.
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This is Don t Ask Tig.
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I m Tig Notaro.
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And today s guest once said, quote, I have no agenda except to be funny.
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Today, we add giving questionable advice to that agenda.
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Oh, God.
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Joining me is an actor, comedian and producer who is
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tied with Cloris Leachman as the most awarded performer in Emmy history.
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She is the recipient of the White House s National Medal of Arts and was named one of the 100 most influential people in the world by Time Magazine.
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She recently starred in the films You Hurt My Feelings and Netflix s You People.
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Her new podcast is titled Wiser Than Me,
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Julia Louis-Dreyfus, welcome to Don t Ask Tig.
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Tig, thank you for having me.
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I have no advice for anyone.
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Should we end here?
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This is my advice.
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SPEAKER_03
Well, how would you possibly not have advice for anybody?
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SPEAKER_03
I just find it hard to believe with all of your accomplishments.
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I don t know what to tell you.
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I m not that intelligent.
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Do not talk about my friend like that.
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Now, you have a podcast, Wiser Than Me.
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SPEAKER_03
Yes, exactly.
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SPEAKER_03
Wiser Than Me.
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SPEAKER_03
Thank you.
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I m looking for wisdom.
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I m on a search for wisdom myself.
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SPEAKER_03
Yes, yeah, you re kind of the other side of what this podcast is, I guess.
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SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
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So tell me about the podcast.
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The podcast is a podcast in which I talk to women, older women to glean their wisdom.
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The premise being that women as they age really become less and less visible in our culture.
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And they re less heard.
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And I think that that is an incredible mistake.
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And that older women who ve lived full lives, and I mean, you know, women above the age of 70 and beyond, have a lot to share with us.
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It s like an untapped natural resource.
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So we re sort of having these conversations with women in their 70s and 80s and even 90s about what cliff notes can they give us so that we might benefit in our lives.
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It s sort of an earnest premise, but I m down for it because it just appeals to me on a personal level.
0
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So when was that moment that you felt the inspiration of, I need to talk to older women?
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I ll tell you exactly.
0
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I watched the Jane Fonda documentary on HBO called Jane Fonda in Five Acts.
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And I was so struck by the scope, the depth of her life and the influence of her life.
0
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Then I thought, why am I just really understanding this now?
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Why aren t we talking to more women like this to find out what they ve done, where they ve been, how they ve done it?
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I wish there was a podcast like that.
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And then I thought, okay, I guess I have to use the podcast.
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And I m assuming you ve been enjoying it.
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The show s doing so well.
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SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I am enjoying it.
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I mean, it s much more work than I ever anticipated.
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There s a lot of research that goes into it because it s women from all over the place.
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I mean, it s just a little more time consuming than I considered.
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But other than that, I absolutely love it.
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I mean, it s been really eye-opening.
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So it s been nice.
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What s been one of the most eye-opening elements?
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Well, I spoke with Isabel Allende, who is, of course, the magnificent writer.
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And the way she characterized her life as she s in her 80s, was so appealing.
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Mm-hmm.
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there was a kind of like, no bullsh** anymore about, and actually that s sort of a theme with all of the women that I talk to.
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Love it.
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Much less bullsh**.
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They ll just say it like it is.
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And I really appreciate that.
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And it makes getting older seem very appealing.
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I m not kidding.
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I mean, Isabel s talking about her life in her 80s and what she does and how she s let go of this stress and that stress and she will not concern herself with any of these things anymore.
0
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And I thought, Isabel, I cannot wait to be 83 years old.
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You re making it sound so fabulous.
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And I meant that, legitimately meant it.
0
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Before I met my wife, I used to think, oh, you know, I ll probably die around 70 or some and that s fine.
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SPEAKER_03
And then I met my wife and she is so...
0
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interested in living to be 100 years old.
0
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And I m 15 years older than her and her dream is that we die together.
0
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And I explained that that means I have to live to be 115.
0
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And she was like, you can do it.
0
SPEAKER_03
And I m telling you, I am now so focused
0
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on living to be as old as possible, which was never an interest of mine.
0
SPEAKER_03
I mean, I truly was just like, yeah, you know, whatever happens and then I ve lived a good life.
0
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But now I m like, I got to get my sleep.
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I got to exercise every day.
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SPEAKER_03
I got to eat healthy.
0
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I ve got to release stress.
0
SPEAKER_03
I want to be with Stephanie when I m 115.
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
0
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And that creates a whole other level of stress.
0
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But my whole point is, do you have aspirations to
0
SPEAKER_03
Maybe that s kind of a dumb question to live.
0
SPEAKER_02
No, does that interest you?
0
SPEAKER_02
I mean, like, yes, yes, I would.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yes, it does interest me.
0
SPEAKER_02
Living is very interesting.
0
SPEAKER_02
How dare you?
0
SPEAKER_02
And appealing.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, that is appealing.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_03
What do you do to ensure your longevity?
0
SPEAKER_02
Not enough.
0
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But I m very focused, interesting you should say, I am very focused on sleep and getting the right amount of sleep.
0
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And I m a huge exerciser.
0
SPEAKER_02
I think my diet is only okay, to be honest with you.
0
SPEAKER_03
Now, Julia.
0
SPEAKER_03
Yes, Tig.
0
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What are your earliest memories of comedy and making people laugh around you?
0
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Were you always aware, oh, I m funny?
0
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Yeah, there was a culture of being funny in my family, for sure.
0
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And making jokes about things.
0
SPEAKER_02
Particularly at inappropriate moments, you know, that kind of thing.
0
SPEAKER_02
That s our favorite, right?
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SPEAKER_02
I know you agree with me about that.
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I love an awkward moment.
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I love it.
0
SPEAKER_03
I love it, and I will milk it.
0
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And don t take it from me.
0
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I love it.
0
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It s delish.
0
SPEAKER_02
It is.
0
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So there was that.
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_02
But I always wanted to be an actor.
0
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And I remember when I was little, I would go to bed and then I would sit up in my bed and I would be doing monologues, like I would be doing things from Funny Girl.
0
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That movie, I loved it so much.
0
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And I loved Sound of Music.
0
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And I would be performing for myself on top of my bed in my nightgown for Barbra Streisand and for Julie Andrews.
0
SPEAKER_02
It was a rarefied performance.
0
SPEAKER_02
Did they enjoy it?
0
SPEAKER_02
Both women really appreciated it.
0
SPEAKER_02
I even remember when I was in preschool, this is my memory, I can t imagine it went like this, but we would have to have nap time and you would bring your blanket.
0
SPEAKER_02
I m familiar.
0
SPEAKER_02
I would not take my nap time.
0
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What would I do?
0
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I would dance for the boys.
0
SPEAKER_03
I can t sleep at a time like this.
0
SPEAKER_03
The guys need me to move for them.
0
SPEAKER_03
I remember that.
0
SPEAKER_03
We were different little girls.
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, let me hear.
0
SPEAKER_03
I mean, in so many ways, I can tell already.
0
SPEAKER_03
In my head, my imaginary friend was Eddie Van Halen.
0
SPEAKER_03
And I used to play soccer.
0
SPEAKER_03
And in my mind, Eddie Van Halen pulled off the road from his tour with the whole tour bus and David Lee Roth and everybody to go check on me to see how my soccer was improving.
0
SPEAKER_02
That s so nice of him to reach out like that.
0
SPEAKER_03
It was so nice.
0
SPEAKER_03
We had never met and still never met.
0
SPEAKER_03
I mean, I know he passed, obviously, but yeah, in my mind, I was like, I just want to impress Eddie Van Halen with my soccer abilities.
0
SPEAKER_03
Well, I m sure you did.
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_03
And I m sure he was there.
0
SPEAKER_03
I m sure he was there.
0
SPEAKER_03
I never turned around to look because I don t want to scare him off.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
0
SPEAKER_02
But you were well aware that he was watching.
0
SPEAKER_02
Oh, I was so aware.
0
SPEAKER_03
I was so aware.
0
SPEAKER_02
Isn t imaginary play when you re young, it s transformative, right?
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_03
Well, it made me really work at soccer.
0
SPEAKER_03
And I didn t expect Eddie Van Halen to care so much about my soccer playing, but he did.
0
SPEAKER_03
There he was every time.
0
SPEAKER_03
Love him.
0
SPEAKER_03
God love him.
0
SPEAKER_03
God loved him.
0
SPEAKER_03
Everyone did.
0
SPEAKER_02
Is Tig a nickname or the name you were given when you were little?
0
SPEAKER_03
at birth?
0
SPEAKER_03
My name that I was given when I was born was Mattiel.
0
SPEAKER_02
Oh.
0
SPEAKER_03
That was my mother s name, too, and my grandmother s name.
0
SPEAKER_02
Oh, wow.
0
SPEAKER_03
But my grandmother went by Teal, and my mother went by Susie, and I went by Tig.
0
SPEAKER_03
I love it.
0
SPEAKER_03
I do.
0
SPEAKER_03
I love it.
0
SPEAKER_03
It s just a family name that everyone insisted on dragging along, but nobody would use.
0
SPEAKER_03
Is your family French?
0
SPEAKER_03
French, yes.
0
SPEAKER_03
There s some French in there for sure.
0
SPEAKER_03
Some Irish, some Italian.
0
SPEAKER_03
Mateal is a pretty name, but Tig is so fabulous.
0
SPEAKER_03
Well, thank you.
0
SPEAKER_03
People think it s my stage name, but it s not.
0
SPEAKER_03
It s a good one.
0
SPEAKER_03
No, my brother made it up.
0
SPEAKER_03
Now, we have a segment on this show called Don t Ask Your Heroes.
0
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It s when our guests tell us who their hero is and what advice-related question they would want to ask them.
0
SPEAKER_03
And our mutual friend, Michaela Watkins, who stars in You Hurt My Feelings, the movie that I was so thrilled to get to watch a screening of.
0
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I don t know if you remember me sitting behind you, Julia.
0
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I keep trying to forget that you were there.
0
SPEAKER_02
No, I knew you were there like you knew Eddie Van Halen was there.
0
SPEAKER_02
And I was delighted that you enjoyed it, for real.
0
SPEAKER_03
I was delighted by the film.
0
SPEAKER_03
I m delighted by you.
0
SPEAKER_03
And God, do I love me some Michaela Watkins.
0
SPEAKER_03
When she was a guest on the show, she said you are one of her heroes.
0
SPEAKER_03
Let s hear this clip of what she has to say about you.
0
SPEAKER_03
Okay.
0
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The first person that comes to mind is Julia Louis-Dreyfus.
0
SPEAKER_01
And the reason for that is because when I did my first sitcom, it was on New Adventures of Old Christine.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I always said to myself, if I ever am the lead of a show, I m going to comport myself the way that Julia does.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I have had the luck of working with her multiple times.
0
SPEAKER_02
Oh, that s so nice.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
0
SPEAKER_03
That s so lovely.
0
SPEAKER_03
How does it feel to be Michaela s hero?
0
SPEAKER_02
Well, it s marvelous.
0
SPEAKER_02
And Michaela is my hero.
0
SPEAKER_02
It s funny how our lives have sort of keep crossing because she and I were in Old Christine together.
0
SPEAKER_02
She was in Veep.
0
SPEAKER_02
She was in Enough Said, the first movie that I did with Nicole Hollifcenter.
0
SPEAKER_02
By the way, she was so funny in Enough Said, Michaela was.
0
SPEAKER_02
But because there was a technical problem with the scene that we shot, we couldn t use her scene, which is such a shame because let me explain to you how funny it was.
0
SPEAKER_02
I could barely get through it.
0
SPEAKER_02
She was making me laugh so hard.
0
SPEAKER_02
You know, she s so funny.
0
SPEAKER_02
Deeply funny.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
0
SPEAKER_02
Deeply funny.
0
SPEAKER_03
Deeply funny.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_02
So it was really a dream in this new film that we have out, You Hurt My Feelings, to play sisters, because I feel like we have a bit of a history now working together.
0
SPEAKER_02
We re kind of like-minded, and we both come from families of sisters.
0
SPEAKER_02
So we understand the dynamic of sisters, which is entirely different
0
SPEAKER_02
than the dynamic between friends, even the best of friends, I think.
0
SPEAKER_02
It s quite a different dynamic.
0
SPEAKER_02
So I was really very happy to have the chance to work with her.
0
SPEAKER_02
So she s my hero.
0
SPEAKER_02
She is so funny.
0
SPEAKER_03
Now we re going to transition into listener questions, OK?
0
SPEAKER_03
OK.
0
SPEAKER_03
Are you ready to give some advice to my listeners?
0
SPEAKER_03
Oh, God.
0
SPEAKER_03
Can you do it?
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, I m happy to just take it from here.
0
SPEAKER_03
We can drop the call.
0
SPEAKER_03
Julia?
0
SPEAKER_03
Yes?
0
SPEAKER_03
Our first question was sent to us by an embarrassed friend.
0
SPEAKER_03
Kat in Oklahoma writes, Hi Tig, my friend Dave and I are in our mid-30s and have been friends since 9th grade.
0
SPEAKER_03
His parents own a beautiful lake house outside of town and he never invited me down there until last year.
0
SPEAKER_03
I ve been twice now.
0
SPEAKER_03
His parents are very kind and hospitable.
0
SPEAKER_03
However, Dave is so rude to them, ignoring them, whining, mumbling.
0
SPEAKER_03
He has the attitude of a spoiled kid.
0
SPEAKER_03
He doesn t offer to cook, help with the dishes, or clean.
0
SPEAKER_03
In all our years of friendship, I had never seen him act like this.
0
SPEAKER_03
I love chatting with his parents, and I would love to go back, but may have to turn down the next invite because the secondhand embarrassment is too much.
0
SPEAKER_03
I m considering telling him that he treats them poorly, but I worry about messing up our friendship.
0
SPEAKER_03
What should I do?
0
SPEAKER_02
So I do have advice.
0
SPEAKER_02
Oh, good.
0
SPEAKER_02
I have advice for Kat.
0
SPEAKER_02
And I would say, Kat, I know you re worried about messing up your friendship, but guess what?
0
SPEAKER_02
It s already messed up.
0
SPEAKER_03
Good.
0
SPEAKER_02
So you need to talk to your friend who s behaving so badly and explain to him that he needs to change his ways.
0
SPEAKER_02
You
1
SPEAKER_02
You can do it kindly, but you should do it in a straightforward manner.
1
SPEAKER_02
And he ll be the better for it, hopefully.
1
SPEAKER_03
And if he s not, then you know what you re dealing with.
1
SPEAKER_03
I m all for it.
1
SPEAKER_03
And the thing that came to mind is, you know, obviously you don t know the ins and outs of family dynamics.
1
SPEAKER_03
And so, I m all for directly confronting your friend.
1
SPEAKER_03
But what I would personally do is say,
1
SPEAKER_03
I m curious if there is some sort of old issues that you have with your family that s causing that because I had such a really nice time with your parents and it just seemed like you were on edge and maybe that can open the conversation if he s like, yeah, well,
1
SPEAKER_03
my dad does this or my mom did that.
1
SPEAKER_03
And I have some, you know, hang up around this.
1
SPEAKER_03
And then you could maybe transition into, yeah, it was it was a little uncomfortable for me.
1
SPEAKER_03
Or if he s just like, oh, was I doing that?
1
SPEAKER_03
It s old like childhood.
1
SPEAKER_03
Who knows?
1
SPEAKER_03
It would just open a conversation instead of just saying you can t do that.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, I agree completely.
1
SPEAKER_02
And that s that s what I meant by kindly.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
There s a way in that might be very fruitful for everybody.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
Whether you make it current, like, oh, I don t know if you were maybe in an argument with them that weekend or if you have old issues in the family.
1
SPEAKER_03
I just picked up that things didn t feel great.
1
SPEAKER_03
And I m curious to have this conversation.
1
SPEAKER_02
I m curious to know how that conversation goes if she has it.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
I d like an update.
1
SPEAKER_03
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_03
Well, Kat, Dave may be rude, but you re very considerate writing in.
1
SPEAKER_03
And please call Julia directly and give her an update how things go after that conversation.
1
SPEAKER_03
Julia, stay right where you are.
1
SPEAKER_03
We ll be back with more questions after a short break.
1
SPEAKER_05
a six billion dollar con.
1
SPEAKER_05
It didn t take long for it to spread like wildfire.
1
SPEAKER_05
You got to take a look at this really crazy gold stock.
1
SPEAKER_05
A buddy of mine got in at a dime.
1
SPEAKER_05
Which destroyed lives and devastated communities.
1
SPEAKER_00
Every little town across the nation, people have shares in this.
1
SPEAKER_05
We lost everything.
1
SPEAKER_05
And to date, no one has been brought to justice.
1
SPEAKER_00
Somebody knows more than we know.
1
SPEAKER_05
The $6 billion gold scam from the BBC World Service and CBC.
1
SPEAKER_05
Search for the $6 billion gold scam wherever you get your podcasts.
1
SPEAKER_03
And we re back.
1
SPEAKER_03
Julia, this next question is about keeping the spark alive.
1
SPEAKER_03
Nikki writes, when it comes to suggesting sexy time, my husband and- Oh, dear.
1
SPEAKER_03
Julia just fell off her chair.
1
SPEAKER_03
My husband and I tend to follow an old pattern.
1
SPEAKER_03
We get a little raunchy, blunt, and sarcastic.
1
SPEAKER_03
It s kind of funny, but not actually a turn-on.
1
SPEAKER_03
What are some fun new ways for long-term couples to flirt with each other?
1
SPEAKER_03
Nikki, I have to say, such an odd... I don t even see Julia anymore.
1
SPEAKER_03
She s under her table laughing.
1
SPEAKER_03
This is a sex advice show, is it?
1
SPEAKER_03
Well, I was going to say, I don t think I ve ever gotten a question like this.
1
SPEAKER_03
Why are we getting this question?
1
SPEAKER_03
All right.
1
SPEAKER_03
I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_03
I don t know Nikki.
1
SPEAKER_03
I only know Nikki s problem.
1
SPEAKER_03
What did she say?
1
SPEAKER_03
Raunchy?
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, she gets raunchy, blunt, and sarcastic.
1
SPEAKER_03
And it s not fun.
1
SPEAKER_03
Oh, no, it s kind of funny, but not a turn-on.
1
SPEAKER_03
But they re still powering through it.
1
SPEAKER_02
So it s not a turn-on, but they re still angling for sexy time.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
Do we need to change?
1
SPEAKER_02
Sexy time?
1
SPEAKER_02
Uh-huh.
1
SPEAKER_02
Can we call it something else?
1
SPEAKER_02
Uh-huh.
1
SPEAKER_02
I mean, for me that, I have to say.
1
SPEAKER_02
Is it turn off?
1
SPEAKER_02
Sexy time?
1
SPEAKER_02
Sexy time is not going to work for me.
1
SPEAKER_02
What do you call it?
1
SPEAKER_02
Uh, what do I call it?
1
SPEAKER_02
Plowing each other?
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, getting down with a get-down.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, getting down with a get-down, plowing each other across town.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, right.
1
SPEAKER_02
You know.
1
SPEAKER_02
Getting it on.
1
SPEAKER_02
F*** our brains out.
1
SPEAKER_02
Bumping uglies.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh my gosh.
1
SPEAKER_03
Now we re doing raunchy talk.
1
SPEAKER_03
If Stephanie walks by my office and hears me
1
SPEAKER_03
saying plowing you across town or bumping ugly because she knows I m talking to you right now and or Our brains out.
1
SPEAKER_03
There s that too till your head pops off is another one.
1
SPEAKER_03
That sounds good Maybe that s what it is.
1
SPEAKER_03
It s all rooted in finding a new word for sexy time
1
SPEAKER_03
I think it s semantics.
1
SPEAKER_03
Nikki, if you were to say to your husband, look, I m going to plow you across town until your head pops off.
1
SPEAKER_03
If that does not work, nothing will.
1
SPEAKER_02
Nothing will.
1
SPEAKER_02
That should, I think that ll work.
1
SPEAKER_03
Nikki, everyone gets a little raunchy, blunt, and sarcastic once in a while, but it s good to mix it up.
1
SPEAKER_02
No more sexy time.
1
SPEAKER_02
No more sexy time.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
But more plow into your head pops off time.
1
SPEAKER_02
How about that?
1
SPEAKER_03
Plow into your head pops off.
1
SPEAKER_03
Julia, this next listener question comes from an anonymous listener who we ll call Megan.
1
SPEAKER_03
Megan writes, I am a divorced woman in my early 40s, and I m attracted to my boss s boss.
1
SPEAKER_03
I see him infrequently, but when I do, I feel like there s a mutual interest there.
1
SPEAKER_03
I will be leaving my job in a few months to go to law school, and I m wondering how I can make a move.
1
SPEAKER_03
I know that he s divorced, but I don t know if he is currently single.
1
SPEAKER_03
I will most likely see him at a company-wide event soon, but I don t know how to let him know I m interested.
1
SPEAKER_03
The best I can come up with is to slip him a note.
1
SPEAKER_03
Help.
1
SPEAKER_03
Julie is shaking her head frantically.
1
SPEAKER_02
I don t know slipping a note is the way to do it.
1
SPEAKER_02
Does Megan know about sexy time?
1
SPEAKER_03
plowing, plowing across town till your head pops off.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
How did you get together with your husband?
1
SPEAKER_03
You didn t slip him a note?
1
SPEAKER_02
No, I didn t slip him a note.
1
SPEAKER_02
But I could tell he liked me and
1
SPEAKER_02
He rubbed my feet once.
1
SPEAKER_02
We were in a show together and he rubbed my feet and I really, I just dug him a lot.
1
SPEAKER_02
And then we played tennis, not kidding.
1
SPEAKER_02
And then we played tennis a couple of times and I was just immediately smitten.
1
SPEAKER_02
I hope he rubbed your feet after the tennis game.
1
SPEAKER_03
Oh yeah, he rubbed plenty of things.
1
SPEAKER_03
and it all worked out good.
1
SPEAKER_03
So did somebody invite someone to play tennis because there was an attraction?
1
SPEAKER_03
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_03
I can t use my example because Stephanie and I met on the movie In a World.
1
SPEAKER_03
We played love interests and now we re like married with kids and with a production company and three cats.
1
SPEAKER_03
Wow.
1
SPEAKER_03
So I can t promise that outcome for everyone.
1
SPEAKER_02
But what about tennis?
1
SPEAKER_02
But what about tennis?
1
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_02
So what about Megan at the conference?
1
SPEAKER_02
Do they have a tennis court?
1
SPEAKER_02
Can t she say, hey, do you play tennis, boss of my boss?
1
SPEAKER_02
Would you like to hit the ball around?
1
SPEAKER_02
See what happens.
1
SPEAKER_03
Hit the balls around.
1
SPEAKER_03
You got it.
1
SPEAKER_03
Let s say Megan does not play tennis.
1
SPEAKER_03
And then maybe he says, yes, let s play tennis.
1
SPEAKER_03
Then Megan, you say, great, please teach me.
1
SPEAKER_03
Exactly.
1
SPEAKER_03
And then it s so obvious that you like him.
1
SPEAKER_03
But even saying, let s play tennis.
1
SPEAKER_03
And then the other if he s like, oh, I don t know how to play.
1
SPEAKER_03
Then you say, nor do I. So would coffee be better?
1
SPEAKER_03
Huh?
1
SPEAKER_03
Oh, nice.
1
SPEAKER_03
What about that smooth move?
1
SPEAKER_01
I like it.
1
SPEAKER_03
Megan, I m excited.
1
SPEAKER_03
Or just drop it off at nor do I. That is sexy time right there.
1
SPEAKER_03
And then do the eyebrows up and down.
1
SPEAKER_03
Right?
1
SPEAKER_03
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_03
And then make this noise.
1
SPEAKER_03
And then ride off on your horse.
1
SPEAKER_03
And never exchange numbers, just ask him to play tennis, get on your horse and be like, and then leave.
1
SPEAKER_03
Okay, I don t think there s anything else.
1
SPEAKER_03
This is surefire.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
Someone s gonna be pregnant soon.
1
SPEAKER_03
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_03
Now, Julia.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
On a more serious note, you were diagnosed with breast cancer in 2017.
1
SPEAKER_03
Correct.
1
SPEAKER_03
And in 2018, announced you were cancer free.
1
SPEAKER_03
Our last listener question is from a listener who is in the midst of their own experience with breast cancer.
1
SPEAKER_03
Deirdre writes, Dear Tig, you ve made me laugh and cry and cry with laughter more times than I can count.
1
SPEAKER_03
I m writing to you because I was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and soon I ll be having a bilateral mastectomy.
1
SPEAKER_03
I m scared and overwhelmed.
1
SPEAKER_03
It would mean the world to me if you wouldn t mind sharing some wisdom with a fellow traveler.
1
SPEAKER_03
Well, first of all, I am very sorry that you re going through this.
1
SPEAKER_03
And it is scary.
1
SPEAKER_03
I mean, I was scared.
1
SPEAKER_03
I, you know, personally had also a buildup of other things going on in my life at the time.
1
SPEAKER_03
And it was such a confusing
1
SPEAKER_03
I always tell people that it feels like you have to have a medical degree to understand everything that you re going through.
1
SPEAKER_03
And I hope that you are bringing somebody with you to your appointments because I think having that kind of support is really, really helpful.
1
SPEAKER_03
to take notes, to be by your side.
1
SPEAKER_03
And also, I just want to really encourage people, and I know not everyone s like this, but it was such a turning point in my life because I was so shut off.
1
SPEAKER_03
I was so not really open to other people s help.
1
SPEAKER_03
And I truly left the hospital with these incisions in my chest, like, I m good.
1
SPEAKER_03
I can take care of myself.
1
SPEAKER_03
And my friends were like,
1
SPEAKER_03
we re staying the night, we re staying with you. 
1
SPEAKER_03
And I was like, no, no, no, I got it.
1
SPEAKER_03
And I couldn t even lift my arms and, but opening myself to help and people want to give and they want to give back and they want to help.
1
SPEAKER_03
And it s such an unbelievable experience to accept help.
1
SPEAKER_03
And again, this might not be an issue for you, Deirdre, but if it is, what I can say is,
1
SPEAKER_03
make yourself open to accepting help from others because it makes everyone feel better through this process.
1
SPEAKER_03
And it changed my life fully.
1
SPEAKER_03
And Julie, I don t know if there s anything that you want to add from your own experience or
1
SPEAKER_02
Well, I certainly agree with everything you ve just said.
1
SPEAKER_02
And sometimes accepting help is a challenge of itself.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
And having an advocate there is a must.
1
SPEAKER_03
And a lot of hospitals actually have advocates that can help you through the process at the hospital if you don t have a friend or family member.
1
SPEAKER_02
I would also say that I was just so terrified to have my surgery and now it s in the rear view mirror.
1
SPEAKER_02
So this too shall pass.
1
SPEAKER_02
You will get through it.
1
SPEAKER_02
And let s just get the cancerous tissue out so you can get on with your life.
1
SPEAKER_02
So believe it or not, it will get better even though it feels daunting as hell right now.
1
SPEAKER_02
Mm-hmm.
1
SPEAKER_02
But it s definitely a very scary thing.
1
SPEAKER_02
There s just no getting around it.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, and I would say as scary as it was, I still think back to the day that I was diagnosed as a positive in my life because it was caught.
1
SPEAKER_03
Ah.
1
SPEAKER_03
And because I was able to turn the ship around.
1
SPEAKER_03
Right.
1
SPEAKER_03
And I celebrate July 25th every year where I m like,
1
SPEAKER_03
That is my cancer diagnosis date, and that is when everything changed.
1
SPEAKER_03
I mean, everything was changing already with so many other things, but I really, really feel tremendously lucky that I was able to have treatment.
1
SPEAKER_03
I could go on forever about it, but I just want to say, if there s a way to look at things in that way, that you ve been able to catch this and that you re getting medical treatment,
1
SPEAKER_03
And you re getting rid of it.
1
SPEAKER_03
You re getting rid of it.
1
SPEAKER_03
I think that s a very important point.
1
SPEAKER_03
Right.
1
SPEAKER_03
So, Deirdre, Julia and I are in your corner.
1
SPEAKER_03
Be sure to keep us updated on how you re doing.
1
SPEAKER_03
Julia, we have one last segment before I let you go.
1
SPEAKER_03
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_03
This is Advice of Yesteryear.
1
SPEAKER_00
When Jerry brags about taking Jenny out,
1
SPEAKER_00
He learns that she dates all the boys.
1
SPEAKER_05
So as we see now, menstruation is just one routine step in a normal and natural cycle.
1
SPEAKER_00
How do you choose a date?
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, one thing you can consider is look.
1
SPEAKER_04
I did everything you said, but my boss still hasn t asked me to lunch.
1
SPEAKER_03
On advice of yesteryear, we take a person s problem that they sent to an advice columnist long ago and try to give a better response.
1
SPEAKER_03
This question from a reader calling themselves, quote, an old-fashioned mother has the headline obscene humor repulsive in women and was sent to advice columnist Dorothy Dix in April 1936.
1
SPEAKER_03
Oh, whoa.
1
SPEAKER_03
An old-fashioned mother writes, What do you think of a mother whose sense of humor causes her to relate jokes of such obscenely revolting nature as to make even a man blush?
1
SPEAKER_03
She indulges in this bar room in the presence of her sons and daughters and their girlfriends and boyfriends.
1
SPEAKER_03
Her daughters do not seem to be embarrassed by it, but their boyfriends visibly suffer.
1
SPEAKER_03
Interesting.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
Do you have any thoughts or feelings about this?
1
SPEAKER_03
Are you an old fashioned mother?
1
SPEAKER_02
I d like to hang with that lady who s making all the obscene comments.
1
SPEAKER_02
I think she sounds like a gas and a half.
1
SPEAKER_02
And yeah, it sounds like her daughters dig her as well as they should.
1
SPEAKER_02
She s bawdy.
1
SPEAKER_02
She s in your face.
1
SPEAKER_02
She s got an opinion.
1
SPEAKER_02
And you can fuck off if you don t get it.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I m with her.
1
SPEAKER_02
I am with her.
1
SPEAKER_03
Do you agree with me about that?
1
SPEAKER_03
Of course.
1
SPEAKER_03
I mean, I was raised by a mother who told me to tell everyone, everyone around me to go to hell if they have a problem with me.
1
SPEAKER_03
And that just like... Nice.
1
SPEAKER_03
I did not have an old-fashioned mother.
1
SPEAKER_02
Susie pulled through for you.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
Wait, yes, Susie, I was like, wait.
1
SPEAKER_02
That s your mother, isn t it?
1
SPEAKER_03
Yes, it is.
1
SPEAKER_03
I thought that.
1
SPEAKER_03
Hello.
1
SPEAKER_03
I know my mother.
1
SPEAKER_03
I thought that you were randomly pulling a name out of the sky.
1
SPEAKER_03
And I thought, well, that s insane.
1
SPEAKER_02
Let me explain something to you.
1
SPEAKER_02
I listen to other people when they re talking.
1
SPEAKER_02
Okay, I don t.
1
SPEAKER_02
And so I hear what they say.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I was I did ask you earlier in the conversation.
1
SPEAKER_03
Okay, what s my grandmother s name?
1
SPEAKER_02
Matteo.
1
SPEAKER_02
And she went by
1
SPEAKER_02
teal.
1
SPEAKER_02
It was teal.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
My goodness, Julia.
1
SPEAKER_02
So I ll be expecting an invitation to Thanksgiving dinner.
1
SPEAKER_02
Thank you very much.
1
SPEAKER_02
Thanksgiving dinner with who?
1
SPEAKER_02
Susie, teal.
1
SPEAKER_03
They re gone.
1
SPEAKER_03
So enjoy Thanksgiving alone.
1
SPEAKER_03
I m an adult orphan.
1
SPEAKER_03
Okay, so
1
SPEAKER_03
Do you want to hear what Dorothy Dix had to say to an old-fashioned mother back in 1936?
1
SPEAKER_03
You bet.
1
SPEAKER_03
I m afraid I cannot give an impartial opinion, as I loathe filthy stories and always feel as if I need to be run through the laundry when I have been forced to listen to them.
1
SPEAKER_03
To me, a woman who tells obscene stories is common, vulgar, low-minded, and utterly repulsive.
1
SPEAKER_03
The end.
1
SPEAKER_02
good old-fashioned lay.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
A good plowing.
1
SPEAKER_02
A good plowing to our hay pile.
1
SPEAKER_03
I didn t see this episode going the way it did with such a sex vibe.
1
SPEAKER_02
I know.
1
SPEAKER_03
It s insane.
1
SPEAKER_03
It s truly vulgar.
1
SPEAKER_02
I know.
1
SPEAKER_03
Julia, it was an unbelievable dream come true to have you on here.
1
SPEAKER_03
Oh, thank you.
1
SPEAKER_03
Love you dearly.
1
SPEAKER_03
Appreciate you dearly.
1
SPEAKER_02
Back at you.
1
SPEAKER_02
I appreciate you tremendously.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I m hoping that perhaps we ll find a way to get together.
1
SPEAKER_03
I would love it.
1
SPEAKER_03
Well, I have your email, so I ll email you.
1
SPEAKER_03
Please, please leave me alone.
1
SPEAKER_02
Please leave me alone.
1
SPEAKER_03
Sorry to bother you.
1
SPEAKER_03
Do you have anything you d like to promote?
1
SPEAKER_02
No.
1
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_02
You re a terrible person.
2
SPEAKER_02
How does it feel?
2
SPEAKER_02
It feels great.
2
SPEAKER_02
I like being this vulgar and raunchy and offensive.
2
SPEAKER_02
It appeals to me.
2
SPEAKER_02
I guess this episode made it clear that I m not old enough or wise enough to ever be on your show, but I ll still email you.
2
SPEAKER_02
Well, when you re 115, right before you pass.
2
SPEAKER_02
I ll have you on.
2
SPEAKER_02
When you re 110.
2
SPEAKER_02
No, I m older than you.
2
SPEAKER_02
I know.
2
SPEAKER_02
You re just trying to be nice.
2
SPEAKER_02
I am.
2
SPEAKER_02
Didn t work.
2
SPEAKER_02
That was my attempt.
2
SPEAKER_02
Julia, thank you so much for being here.
2
SPEAKER_02
Thanks for having me.
2
SPEAKER_02
I ll see you soon.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, you better.
2
SPEAKER_02
Bye.
2
SPEAKER_02
Bye.
2
SPEAKER_02
Don t Ask Tig is hosted by me, Tig Notaro.
2
SPEAKER_02
It s produced by Thomas Ouellette and Shana Deloria.
2
SPEAKER_02
Our executive producer and editor is Beth Perlman.
2
SPEAKER_02
Engineering and sound mixing by Alex Simpson, Derek Ramirez, Josh Savageau, and Evan Clark.
2
SPEAKER_02
Digital production by James Napoli.
2
SPEAKER_02
Talent booking by Marianne Ways.
2
SPEAKER_02
Our theme music is Friend in Tig by Edie Burkell and Kyle Krushem, and Listen to Your Heart by Edie Burkell.
2
SPEAKER_02
Special thanks to Hunter Seidman.
2
SPEAKER_02
APM Studios executives in charge are Chandra Cavati, Alex Schaffert, and Joanne Griffith.
2
SPEAKER_02
Concept developed by Tracy Mumford.
2
SPEAKER_02
Our executive consultant is Dean Capello and Gobsmack Studios.
2
SPEAKER_02
You can always ask for advice at DontAskTig.org.
2
SPEAKER_02
Just write in with your problem or send us a voice memo.
2
SPEAKER_02
Remember to follow us on social media at DontAskTig.
2
SPEAKER_02
DontAskTig is a production of American Public Media.
2
SPEAKER_02
And as always, thanks Dana, and I ll tell Becky.
2
SPEAKER_02
Hi, I m stand-up comedian and sex symbol Tig Notaro.
2
SPEAKER_02
And I m actor and writer Cheryl Hines.
2
SPEAKER_02
Before Cheryl and I got into the big business of podcasting together, we were just simply friends.
2
SPEAKER_00
And we re still friends.
2
SPEAKER_00
But now we talk about a different documentary every week on our podcast, Tig and Cheryl, True Story.
2
SPEAKER_00
So whether you love documentaries or just want to hear us slowly lose our minds, check out Tig and Cheryl, True Story, wherever you get your podcasts.
2
SPEAKER_02
Alright, cool.