0
SPEAKER_02
This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.
0
SPEAKER_02
But look at how fast, we re almost halfway through the year.
0
SPEAKER_03
Crazy.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_02
Are you proud of what you ve done in 2024 so far?
0
SPEAKER_02
I know.
0
SPEAKER_03
I mean, you always want to do more, right?
0
SPEAKER_03
Life goes so fast, David.
0
SPEAKER_03
It s important to take a moment to celebrate your wins, make adjustments for the rest of the year.
0
SPEAKER_03
Therapy can help you take stock of your progress and set achievable goals for the next six months.
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_02
Listen, therapy is the way to go.
0
SPEAKER_02
I did it for a while.
0
SPEAKER_02
And I think the thing that slowed me down was what they, is driving to Santa Monica in traffic once or twice a week.
0
SPEAKER_02
This is online.
0
SPEAKER_02
It s a great idea.
0
SPEAKER_02
Very convenient.
0
SPEAKER_02
It helps you.
0
SPEAKER_02
You ve got coping skills, how to set boundaries.
0
SPEAKER_02
I mean, there s so many things you can do here to be a better version of yourself.
0
SPEAKER_02
You can probably always sharpen it.
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, I mean, I had a therapist in Portland and I would commute and that was a pain.
0
SPEAKER_02
That s a long drive.
0
SPEAKER_03
I know it was 1300 miles one way, but you know, it s good therapist.
0
SPEAKER_03
But yeah, this one you can mix and match and your thoughts kind of control you and you want to master them.
0
SPEAKER_03
And when you talk to someone else, they re able to kind of discern it out.
0
SPEAKER_03
So if you re thinking of starting to give therapy a try, give better help a try.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, it s entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, suited to your schedule.
0
SPEAKER_02
You fill out a questionnaire, get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapist if you want to for any reason, no charge.
0
SPEAKER_02
Take a moment, visit betterhelp.com slash FOTW.
0
SPEAKER_02
Today, get 10% off your first month.
0
SPEAKER_03
That s BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash F-O-T-W.
0
SPEAKER_00
Knowing how to speak and understand a new language can be an invaluable tool when traveling, meeting new friends, or just even to master a new skill.
0
SPEAKER_00
But it s not always simple when you re bogged down by textbooks and structure classes.
0
SPEAKER_00
That s why so many people trust Rosetta Stone.
0
SPEAKER_00
Rosetta Stone is the most trusted language learning program available on desktop or as an app.
0
SPEAKER_00
It truly immerses you in the language you want to learn, like Spanish, French, Italian, Chinese, and more.
0
SPEAKER_00
You won t just be studying English translations.
0
SPEAKER_00
The Rosetta Stone intuitive process helps you pick up a language naturally, first with words, then phrases, then sentences.
0
SPEAKER_00
Don t put off learning that language.
0
SPEAKER_00
There s no better time than right now to get started.
0
SPEAKER_00
For a very limited time, listeners can get Rosetta Stone s lifetime membership for 50% off.
0
SPEAKER_00
Visit rosettastone.com slash rs10.
0
SPEAKER_00
That s 50% off unlimited access to 25 language courses for the rest of your life.
0
SPEAKER_00
Redeem your 50% off at rosettastone.com slash rs10 today.
0
SPEAKER_04
By the way, I just want to say, I can t tell you many, many people come up to me and they go, you know, Dana and Spade, they re always talking about you on their podcast.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, it s called homage.
0
SPEAKER_02
It s an homage to the Omo.
0
SPEAKER_03
Why do you talk about me so much?
0
SPEAKER_03
I don t know why you think we do you.
0
SPEAKER_03
That s ridiculous.
0
SPEAKER_03
No, it isn t.
0
SPEAKER_03
Everyone says it.
0
SPEAKER_02
I like to be sort of real, but I don t want to be totally real.
0
SPEAKER_02
So I want, I ll definitely, I ll definitely be getting a, if we ever take a week off, I got a full face lift from head to toe.
0
SPEAKER_02
And I m just, I m covered in a body bruise.
0
SPEAKER_02
Just my whole body s bruised.
0
SPEAKER_02
Aren t we just puffy clowns?
0
SPEAKER_03
I mean, did Red Buttons ever get a facelift?
0
SPEAKER_03
I don t know.
0
SPEAKER_02
I know, we re supposed to be gross, I think.
0
SPEAKER_03
I think we re just little clowns.
0
SPEAKER_03
I mean, did Sid Caesar ever get a lip touch?
0
SPEAKER_02
I know, everyone s supposed to be good looking, everyone.
0
SPEAKER_02
There s no, I mean, you know, my dry cleaner has a head shot.
0
SPEAKER_02
It s like, you never know.
0
SPEAKER_02
Like, hey, discover me.
0
SPEAKER_02
Your hair s really like Joni Foster.
0
SPEAKER_03
Talking about good work.
0
SPEAKER_03
I always say, who had good work?
0
SPEAKER_03
Jodie Foster.
0
SPEAKER_02
She looks great.
0
SPEAKER_03
No, I don t think she did anything and she does look great.
0
SPEAKER_02
I have a question for you because we have a guest.
0
SPEAKER_02
We re going to, we don t ever have a guest.
0
SPEAKER_02
We re going to have it.
0
SPEAKER_02
So we re teasing it, but let s first get to, I know we talked about something before we came on and I want to see, and then we ll talk to this idiot.
0
SPEAKER_03
This, um,
0
SPEAKER_03
I read it.
0
SPEAKER_03
I think it s true.
0
SPEAKER_03
I talked to other people that if Trump, I talked to people, if I talked to other people, was that a fake news?
0
SPEAKER_02
That s a good sources.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_03
I talked to the people that if Trump goes to prison, the secret service is going with him because every ex president has 24 around the clock secret service guys.
0
SPEAKER_03
So, so Trump going to prison with the secret service.
0
SPEAKER_03
Uh, this is my take on it.
0
SPEAKER_03
Oh, man.
0
SPEAKER_03
We got ourselves a new bitch.
0
SPEAKER_03
What s your name?
0
SPEAKER_03
My name is Donald J. Trump, president of the United States.
0
SPEAKER_03
He thinks he s the president.
0
SPEAKER_03
Sorry, I didn t switch.
0
SPEAKER_03
He thinks he s the president, man.
0
SPEAKER_03
Hey, look at you.
0
SPEAKER_03
You re fat, man, and orange.
0
SPEAKER_03
What do you eat all the time, man?
0
SPEAKER_03
How do you get big and fat and oranges like that?
0
SPEAKER_03
I eat cheeseburgers, I eat salads very rarely, and I eat a lot of snow cones.
0
SPEAKER_02
Snow cones.
0
SPEAKER_02
I like he s proud of being fat so far.
0
SPEAKER_02
OK, go ahead.
0
SPEAKER_02
Snow cones is a funny word.
0
SPEAKER_03
I eat snow cones, chicken, cheeseburgers, and snow cones.
0
SPEAKER_03
Anyway, hey, what s with the guys in the suits?
0
SPEAKER_03
There s a Secret Service.
0
SPEAKER_03
They re sworn to protect me.
0
SPEAKER_03
They re sworn to protect me.
0
SPEAKER_03
And they got weapons like you wouldn t believe.
0
SPEAKER_03
They re coming to prison with me and they re bringing the guns.
0
SPEAKER_03
They re bringing their Uzis.
0
SPEAKER_03
They got rocket launchers on their back.
0
SPEAKER_03
They got dynamite in their pants.
0
SPEAKER_03
If you touch me, you re done.
0
SPEAKER_03
Oh, oh, it looks like I m the bitch now.
0
SPEAKER_03
Don t worry.
0
SPEAKER_03
I love the Hispanics.
0
SPEAKER_03
I ve always loved the Hispanics and they love me.
0
SPEAKER_03
Then and then and then a little sloppy.
0
SPEAKER_03
Hey, can I borrow a dilly bar?
0
SPEAKER_03
Now, if I can t do it with a Latino accent, I d have to do kind of.
0
SPEAKER_03
Hey, look, man, we got a little bitch here.
0
SPEAKER_03
Hey, what s up with you?
0
SPEAKER_03
You re fat.
0
SPEAKER_03
What the fuck you eat?
0
SPEAKER_02
You know, I think Latino works.
0
SPEAKER_03
Um, I was going to do the twist at the end.
0
SPEAKER_03
Like, I don t really talk like this.
0
SPEAKER_03
I m actually from Ireland.
0
SPEAKER_03
And I came here and I committed a crime.
0
SPEAKER_03
I sent into prison.
0
SPEAKER_03
So I took out a persona to protect myself.
0
SPEAKER_03
So sometimes I don t like this, but really, this is how I actually talk.
0
SPEAKER_03
Hey, Trump.
0
SPEAKER_03
Hey, Trump.
0
SPEAKER_01
Hey, you got a big rump.
0
SPEAKER_01
Hey, Trump, you got a big rump and you stunk.
0
SPEAKER_01
Trump, you re fat and round and orange.
0
SPEAKER_01
What s going on, homie?
0
SPEAKER_01
I like they let you bring a machete in here.
0
SPEAKER_03
That s the Secret Service will bring all kinds of weapons like you guys have chains, machetes and, you know, iron fists, whatever they call them, knuckles and all those things.
0
SPEAKER_03
Brass knuckles.
0
SPEAKER_03
They ll hit you so hard, you ll be crying all the way down.
0
SPEAKER_03
Let me tell you, you d be like a girly man, a little tiny girly man from Hansen, France.
0
SPEAKER_02
You might want to sit next to me in the cafeteria.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_03
If you tip over my mashed potatoes, the Secret Service will be like, why don t you still got to take it up?
0
SPEAKER_03
Hey, man, why is your voice so rough all the time?
0
SPEAKER_02
I don t know.
0
SPEAKER_02
Be nice.
0
SPEAKER_02
I might give you my fudgicle.
0
SPEAKER_03
That s if Trump goes to prison.
0
SPEAKER_03
Now, Biden goes to prison.
0
SPEAKER_03
Hey.
0
SPEAKER_03
Who says we re in prison?
0
SPEAKER_03
It s all just subjective.
0
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_02
But he would be, he would be shadowed by corn pop, or at least he could say corn pops in here with me.
0
SPEAKER_02
And so you don t want to mess with me because.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_03
I wanted to do a little, little Trump this week, next week, next week, it s going to be up back to Biden.
0
SPEAKER_03
And then maybe I ll do, um, I don t know, Bobby Kennedy, Jr.
0
SPEAKER_03
People ask me, but I don t, it s very difficult.
0
SPEAKER_02
Well, we ve got a guest, a buddy of ours wants to jump on with us and we can read the headlines and others read them with us.
0
SPEAKER_02
And we ll just talk about it.
0
SPEAKER_02
And I know I m stupid shit.
0
SPEAKER_03
Is this a mystery guest?
0
SPEAKER_02
Let s pretend it s a you have to guess him.
0
SPEAKER_02
Oh, whoops.
0
SPEAKER_02
Well, I guess that was a big mystery tower.
0
SPEAKER_03
Tower one.
0
SPEAKER_03
Come in.
0
SPEAKER_03
We need to make a landing.
0
SPEAKER_03
He s a star one.
0
SPEAKER_03
Eyes open.
0
SPEAKER_03
No, John, are you?
0
SPEAKER_03
He looks like an Air Force controller.
0
SPEAKER_03
I mean, with those headphones, I mean, what he told me to wear headphones, for God s sake.
0
SPEAKER_03
Wait a minute, is this John Lovitz?
0
SPEAKER_02
John, are you in the Incredible Shrimp?
0
SPEAKER_02
You re welcome.
0
SPEAKER_03
You want me to play Bill Burr and you play John Lovitz?
0
SPEAKER_03
Hey, John, your head s like a tomato can.
0
SPEAKER_03
You know, that thing was hysterical.
0
SPEAKER_03
What s the deal with pickles?
0
SPEAKER_04
We text each other like that.
0
SPEAKER_04
And I said, we should do that as like a on your podcast.
0
SPEAKER_04
So we did.
0
SPEAKER_03
Right.
0
SPEAKER_04
That s just say anything.
0
SPEAKER_04
I went, OK.
0
SPEAKER_03
And you gave it to him with both barrels.
0
SPEAKER_02
He s not worried about getting canceled.
0
SPEAKER_02
Hey, it s Jerry the dog.
0
SPEAKER_02
Hello, Jerry.
0
SPEAKER_02
Jerry and I are sort of on hot and cold with each other.
0
SPEAKER_03
Jerry, does Jerry remember me or is he playing hard to get?
0
SPEAKER_03
He remembers you.
0
SPEAKER_02
Wait, let me see.
0
SPEAKER_02
Jerry s not so thirsty to be on camera.
0
SPEAKER_04
Dana, remember this is what we do when we were on stage at SNL.
0
SPEAKER_04
We d see each other in the monitor.
1
SPEAKER_01
Remember?
1
SPEAKER_01
Uh-huh.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, just go chin up kind of thing?
1
SPEAKER_01
Is that it?
1
SPEAKER_02
Well, we were only in our 30s then.
1
SPEAKER_01
We didn t really have to keep our chin up.
1
SPEAKER_02
Looking at each other like we re hit.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, this overhead light, it looks like I m completely bald.
1
SPEAKER_02
That s why I m wearing a hat.
1
SPEAKER_00
No, that s good.
1
SPEAKER_00
That hat has Arizona on it.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, because you have like- Is that Arizona?
1
SPEAKER_00
Sorry.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, the wind when I was there with you.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, that s Nevada.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_01
And you got like flying saucer teacups over your ears and a blue cap.
1
SPEAKER_01
So at first I was like, I don t have to wear them.
1
SPEAKER_01
No, no, they look, you ll wear them.
1
SPEAKER_01
No, you just cut out.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, why aren t you wearing them?
1
SPEAKER_01
I ve got these little ones that fit in, you know, this like this, like, you know, I have ones like that, except mine are expensive.
1
SPEAKER_01
They re great, John.
1
SPEAKER_01
You probably better.
1
SPEAKER_01
You have great sound.
1
SPEAKER_01
I have a shirt like that, except mine s expensive.
1
SPEAKER_01
I had a shirt like that once, but then my mom got a job.
1
SPEAKER_01
What a fucking.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, you are wearing a Wayne s World, a Wayne s World line.
1
SPEAKER_00
John, we re going to throw up a few stories and you just chime in with this.
1
SPEAKER_00
We re going to make fun of whatever s going on in the world, OK?
1
SPEAKER_02
OK.
1
SPEAKER_00
Hit it, fellas.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, it s on my screen.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_00
OK.
1
SPEAKER_00
This is a new one.
1
SPEAKER_00
Read it, David.
1
SPEAKER_00
Heather, my birthday is coming up.
1
SPEAKER_00
P stained jeans.
1
SPEAKER_00
Leaky style come with a big price tag and it s already sold out.
1
SPEAKER_00
So you can buy jeans that look like you peepeed in them.
1
SPEAKER_00
Is this from the Billy Madison collection?
1
SPEAKER_00
Look at how funny this is.
1
SPEAKER_00
Are you going to wear these?
1
SPEAKER_00
That guy looks super cool.
1
SPEAKER_00
He s a DJ, I think at Coachella.
1
SPEAKER_02
I would buy him for a friend for Dana and you as a joke.
1
SPEAKER_01
Right.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, well, they have another one.
1
SPEAKER_01
I think it s called the John Lewis in the back.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I was going to say a fudgesicle motif.
1
SPEAKER_01
I wanted to make you happy.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s a melted fudgesicle in your pocket.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s called Pooh Pants.
1
SPEAKER_01
And they just sort of have a brown stain in the back.
1
SPEAKER_01
And apparently they re going off the charts.
1
SPEAKER_01
They got their Nordstrom s.
1
SPEAKER_02
Well, mine has a little airbag in it.
1
SPEAKER_02
So when you kick the guy.
1
SPEAKER_00
What happens?
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, it farts.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
No, I like these.
1
SPEAKER_00
You got to be kind of skinny to wear P pants.
1
SPEAKER_02
Is this even real?
1
SPEAKER_00
I think it s real.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m calling.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m calling.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m calling bullshit on that.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t go to our YouTube and give us facts and figures because I like to look at the comments.
1
SPEAKER_00
They re actually very nice.
1
SPEAKER_00
Sometimes some of our fans are nice.
1
SPEAKER_00
Actually, actually, I m shocked.
1
SPEAKER_02
Why would you want to wear jeans where it looks like?
1
SPEAKER_00
OK.
1
SPEAKER_00
They were on the runway in Milan, Heather said.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, it s kind of like the first time John Lovitz, where were you when you first saw someone with torn jeans?
1
SPEAKER_01
You go, oh, yeah, this is just the what do we do now?
1
SPEAKER_01
We ve torn them up.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I ve never seen that.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I go, I go, I throw them out.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then you d throw up.
1
SPEAKER_00
I do.
1
SPEAKER_02
And then you grow up.
1
SPEAKER_00
I like shirts that are a little beat up.
1
SPEAKER_00
I like old sweatshirts.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then when you started selling them looking old, I thought it was ridiculous, but I kind of like it.
1
SPEAKER_00
It saves me a hundred washes, you know?
1
SPEAKER_00
I m always down at the laundromat.
1
SPEAKER_02
You re trying to save water and conserve on water.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know, John, when we were all three at SNL at the same time, the hardest day was, the day off was Sunday.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I would go in, you d have to go to the basement of my boiling hot,
1
SPEAKER_00
apartment building, and then I d have to buy like one hundred dollars in quarters and go down there and do that.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s the price.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, I hate John.
1
SPEAKER_01
I paid John on the side to take my laundry and do it and bring it back.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I was very grateful and I was generous with my payments.
1
SPEAKER_01
Remember, John, you did my laundry.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I remember that.
1
SPEAKER_01
That was cool.
1
SPEAKER_02
By the way, I just want to say I can t tell you many, many people come up to me and they go, you know,
1
SPEAKER_02
Dana and John, I mean Dana and Spade, they re always talking about you on their podcast.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it s called homage.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s an homage to the Omo.
1
SPEAKER_01
Why do you talk about me so much?
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, you come up because you re funny and an interesting voice.
1
SPEAKER_01
Dennis Miller comes up because you think of his tech, you know.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay, you got the love man on with the Dixie Cup phone things and the Mariners hat.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_02
I don t have the inside of the ear headphones.
1
SPEAKER_01
What was that on the $5 rack?
1
SPEAKER_00
What am I, Glico?
1
SPEAKER_00
What s my insurance, Geico?
1
SPEAKER_01
I don t know why you think we do you.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s ridiculous.
1
SPEAKER_01
No, it isn t.
1
SPEAKER_01
Everyone just says it.
1
SPEAKER_01
You re doing Mae West.
1
SPEAKER_02
No, I m not.
1
SPEAKER_00
May West.
1
SPEAKER_02
May West is, why don t you come up and see me sometime.
1
SPEAKER_00
Come up and see me sometime.
1
SPEAKER_00
Come up and see me sometime.
1
SPEAKER_00
God, it is.
1
SPEAKER_01
Jesus, I just put that together, May.
1
SPEAKER_02
Why don t you come up and see me?
1
SPEAKER_02
No, you know who I really sound like is Wimpy from Popeye.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
I d gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.
1
SPEAKER_00
You re better than Wimpy, that was good.
1
SPEAKER_02
No, I love him.
1
SPEAKER_00
Uh, what s the next story?
1
SPEAKER_01
And then we ll talk more about one, two underwear and then my hair.
1
SPEAKER_00
Let s see if we can elevate the podcast.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay, here we go.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, Sophia Bush says she s in a relationship.
1
SPEAKER_00
Now.
1
SPEAKER_00
I just thought in my opinion, this is not important, but.
1
SPEAKER_00
When an actress, uh, if an actress is gay, it s okay to keep that to yourself.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think the idea is we re all equal and being gay is nothing different from anyone else, which it isn t.
1
SPEAKER_00
And it s not a problem, but it always feels like a press release is necessary.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I don t know how to react to it.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, Oh, good.
1
SPEAKER_00
Or, Oh, okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
Or it s the shoulder shrugger, but.
1
SPEAKER_00
They seem to always have to come out and say, well, it s kind of like we did.
1
SPEAKER_01
John came out with an article saying he was heterosexual.
1
SPEAKER_01
I mean, would that be news or?
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, that was because there were so many whispers.
1
SPEAKER_00
John, what is USWNT?
1
SPEAKER_00
United States.
1
SPEAKER_00
Women s women s.
1
SPEAKER_00
Soccer, no.
1
SPEAKER_00
Retired soccer player.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, wait, US Women s National Team.
1
SPEAKER_02
Mm hmm.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_02
I look at this picture and then I m like, well, what are they showing?
1
SPEAKER_02
Why don t they show some video?
1
SPEAKER_02
OK, that s enough of the two of them together.
1
SPEAKER_02
That s what I want to see, because I m just picturing it in my head.
1
SPEAKER_00
I thought it was her with a haircut.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m not even joking.
1
SPEAKER_00
I thought it was her.
1
SPEAKER_02
Is Sophia Bush related to George Bush?
1
SPEAKER_00
I think she is.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t think so.
1
SPEAKER_02
Is it a different Bush?
1
SPEAKER_02
Dana, why does it just say Bush likes Bush?
1
SPEAKER_01
I like the peace day and article a lot.
1
SPEAKER_01
And this one, too, I think we re two for two.
1
SPEAKER_01
OK, I m just throwing things out there.
1
SPEAKER_01
You re right.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s just like it s a you call it a nothing burger.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s very normal.
1
SPEAKER_01
So it s his own.
1
SPEAKER_00
So it shouldn t be a press release.
1
SPEAKER_02
Why doesn t it just say Bush is into Bush?
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, we stumbled into that.
1
SPEAKER_00
John is really being full John.
1
SPEAKER_00
I love it.
1
SPEAKER_00
I like it.
1
SPEAKER_00
I ll be like Bill Burr.
1
SPEAKER_01
Don t hold back.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, she s no relation to George Bush.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
I didn t think so.
1
SPEAKER_00
This is going to bother John.
1
SPEAKER_00
Would you pay 44% capital gains, John?
1
SPEAKER_02
No, it would kill the economy.
1
SPEAKER_02
It completely defeats the idea of why people want to buy a house and hang on to it for a long time.
1
SPEAKER_02
Their house goes up in value.
1
SPEAKER_02
And now he s taking
1
SPEAKER_02
almost half of the gains away.
1
SPEAKER_01
What does that do?
1
SPEAKER_01
13% if you live in California, so you would get up to like 57%.
1
SPEAKER_01
Come on, it s time for people of America to pay a fair share.
1
SPEAKER_01
Share in stone, simple pilots, Flintstones, Murray Rubble, Rubble, Dresden.
1
SPEAKER_02
I think it would make the housing market crash, wouldn t it?
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, I think it, it, it, when it does indirectly, it is more money, uh, on the surface that would come into the country and immediately go out.
1
SPEAKER_00
But also it s, it, it, it lessens your drive to invest because investing is already a gamble.
1
SPEAKER_00
So let s say you lose money, you lose, let s say you actually do well and you make money.
1
SPEAKER_00
Then you have to give halfway.
1
SPEAKER_00
What happens is people stop investing as much.
1
SPEAKER_00
Someone like me, like they put tax on houses and.
1
SPEAKER_00
in California and LA County, so I won t buy another house.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s too expensive.
1
SPEAKER_02
Well, I was going to say, with the property taxes, when you buy a house, less people buy homes, that s less property tax.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, historically, in the late 90s, it happens, is Clinton got together with the Republicans and lowered the capital gains tax, and the government actually took in more revenue.
1
SPEAKER_01
So, yeah, there s a lot of inputs to this tax.
1
SPEAKER_02
Through property tax, probably.
1
SPEAKER_01
And through motivation to get in the stock market.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then you get in because if you win, you might make money.
1
SPEAKER_00
But then more people pay tax.
1
SPEAKER_02
I wasn t even thinking about it.
1
SPEAKER_01
I was just thinking about the stock market.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, you kill it.
2
SPEAKER_00
Animal spirits.
2
SPEAKER_00
Unless we want to be what, you know, some kind of social welfare state.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s a problem, John.
2
SPEAKER_02
You don t think.
2
SPEAKER_02
OK, next one.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh, dear.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh, dear.
2
SPEAKER_02
I eat John.
2
SPEAKER_03
I was going to listen to three comedians about about nobody.
2
SPEAKER_02
That s why nobody.
2
SPEAKER_03
That s why we re moving on.
2
SPEAKER_02
This is I thought was interesting.
2
SPEAKER_02
Now, without knowing that music data,
2
SPEAKER_02
Is that you?
2
SPEAKER_02
Without knowing this, this was just sort of interesting that just how fast animals are.
2
SPEAKER_02
And I had no idea which ones are fast and slow.
2
SPEAKER_02
So just talk along with it.
2
SPEAKER_02
If one of them seems fast and surprised, you said, okay, here we go.
2
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_02
Turn that down a little bit.
2
SPEAKER_02
Okay, that s a cat.
2
SPEAKER_02
A cat?
2
SPEAKER_02
Goes 48.
2
SPEAKER_03
That s Sophia Bush and her girlfriend.
2
SPEAKER_03
A fox.
2
SPEAKER_00
What s that, an ostrich?
2
SPEAKER_00
Ostriches are really fast.
2
SPEAKER_03
Well, that s a wolf.
2
SPEAKER_02
Look at their little legs.
2
SPEAKER_02
And they all have ACDs.
2
SPEAKER_03
A wolf, a peacock, and an ostrich.
2
SPEAKER_03
Oh, the rhino?
2
SPEAKER_00
How fast is that?
2
SPEAKER_00
The rhino?
2
55?
2
SPEAKER_00
55 miles per hour?
2
SPEAKER_02
I had no idea.
2
SPEAKER_02
I thought they were slower.
2
SPEAKER_02
Okay, keep going.
2
SPEAKER_02
What s that, an elk antelope?
2
SPEAKER_02
And a what?
2
SPEAKER_02
A bison and a moose.
2
SPEAKER_02
Buffalo goes 56 miles an hour.
2
SPEAKER_02
A brown bear.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh, they could fucking haul.
2
SPEAKER_02
That s as fast as I go.
2
SPEAKER_02
That would be tough to outrun them.
2
SPEAKER_02
Cheetah.
2
SPEAKER_02
Okay, I understand the cheetah.
2
SPEAKER_03
Cheetah can go 85 miles an hour.
2
SPEAKER_03
No, look at the wolf.
2
SPEAKER_03
Who the fuck had their money on the wolf?
2
SPEAKER_03
Now the cheetahs faster.
2
SPEAKER_03
Oh, and who are these?
2
SPEAKER_03
I don t even think these are real animals.
2
SPEAKER_03
I think this is animated.
2
SPEAKER_02
Is this Jurassic Park?
2
SPEAKER_02
It s animated.
2
SPEAKER_02
Hi, you know why?
2
SPEAKER_02
Where are they going?
2
SPEAKER_02
That s the big question.
2
SPEAKER_02
They re coming back.
2
SPEAKER_02
How dumb.
2
SPEAKER_02
How long can they going to get?
2
SPEAKER_02
Who s doing this?
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, a giraffe.
2
SPEAKER_00
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
2
SPEAKER_00
Not a giraffe.
2
SPEAKER_00
Tiger, a camel.
2
SPEAKER_00
65 miles an hour?
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it s fucked.
2
SPEAKER_02
No way.
2
SPEAKER_00
Forget that.
2
SPEAKER_03
Look at their homes.
2
SPEAKER_03
Look at the zebra.
2
SPEAKER_02
Life insurance is a big deal, Dana.
2
SPEAKER_02
I know you think ahead.
2
SPEAKER_02
I think I tend to think ahead, but you got to get your ducks in a row at some point.
2
SPEAKER_00
great thing that you can do for your family is create this important safety net, you know, with life insurance.
2
SPEAKER_00
And it is kind of like, what policy do I get?
2
SPEAKER_00
You got to spend all this time.
2
SPEAKER_00
It can be overwhelming.
2
SPEAKER_00
Of course.
2
SPEAKER_02
PolicyGenius is the country s leading online insurance marketplace.
2
SPEAKER_02
That s what that means.
2
SPEAKER_02
It saves you time and money so you can provide your family with a financial safety net starting right now, today.
2
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
2
SPEAKER_00
With PolicyGenius, you can find life insurance policies that start at just $292 per year.
2
SPEAKER_00
For a year?
2
SPEAKER_00
One year for $1 million of coverage.
2
SPEAKER_00
Some options offer same-day approval and avoid unnecessary medical exams.
2
SPEAKER_00
I like that.
2
SPEAKER_02
I do have life insurance, Dana, and I m glad I do.
2
SPEAKER_02
Am I the one who would- Beneficiary?
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, if anything happens to you, do I- It s split between Sandler gets the most, because he needs it.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh, thank you so much.
2
SPEAKER_00
Thank you very much.
2
SPEAKER_00
They re going to love this.
2
SPEAKER_02
I give it to Rob Schneider too.
2
SPEAKER_02
Hey, thanks.
2
SPEAKER_02
Give me more.
2
SPEAKER_02
One.
2
SPEAKER_02
No, this is what Policy Genius does.
2
SPEAKER_02
It helps you compare your options with top
2
SPEAKER_02
companies and their team of licensed experts is on hand to help walk you through it.
2
SPEAKER_00
Mm-hmm.
2
SPEAKER_00
Talk to a team through it, whatever you need through it.
2
SPEAKER_00
Talk to a team of award-winning agents who will walk you through the process.
2
SPEAKER_02
Step-by-step compare quotes easily with America s top insurers.
2
SPEAKER_02
You know, just a few clicks, you find the lowest price because, you know, if you look at your insurance, you might not be able, you might not be as covered as you think, Dana, you probably are.
2
SPEAKER_02
You re pretty good at this, but some people just do a skim job.
2
SPEAKER_02
but you need them to vet this stuff.
2
SPEAKER_00
Very serious.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, this is a great product.
2
SPEAKER_00
This is a great thing to have.
2
SPEAKER_00
Policy Genius gives you an unbiased advice from a licensed expert support team, which is nice.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, they have no incentive to recommend one insurer over another, so you can trust what they re going to say.
2
SPEAKER_02
They don t play favorites, which I like that.
2
SPEAKER_02
A lot of five-star reviews.
2
SPEAKER_02
In fact, thousands of five-star reviews, Dana.
2
SPEAKER_02
Thousands.
2
SPEAKER_02
Do you get it?
2
SPEAKER_02
On Google and Trustpilot.
2
SPEAKER_02
from customers who found the best fit for their needs.
2
SPEAKER_02
Check life insurance off your to-do list in no time with PolicyGenius.
2
SPEAKER_02
Head to PolicyGenius.com or click the link in the description to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s PolicyGenius.com.
2
SPEAKER_03
Dana running like a little pussy cat.
2
SPEAKER_02
When they used to say you run like a puss, is that what they meant?
2
SPEAKER_00
Yep.
2
SPEAKER_00
Here s a newsflash though.
2
SPEAKER_00
One animal can run the longest.
2
SPEAKER_00
What does that mean?
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, like a marathon?
2
SPEAKER_03
A human being.
2
SPEAKER_00
A human being.
2
SPEAKER_00
We d go with our spears.
2
SPEAKER_00
We d hit the animal.
2
SPEAKER_00
The animal would only be hurt and start to get away.
2
SPEAKER_00
We could chase them for 12, 14 hours just running.
2
SPEAKER_00
Is that true?
2
SPEAKER_00
Yep.
2
SPEAKER_00
Human beings are really great at long distance running compared to other mammals.
2
SPEAKER_00
How fast do you think you can run, Dana?
2
SPEAKER_00
Um, 41 miles an hour.
2
SPEAKER_00
No, in my prime.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
What d you do the mile?
2
SPEAKER_00
The mile about four 25.
2
SPEAKER_00
Really?
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, we trained a lot and there s a lot of people faster than that.
2
SPEAKER_03
I could train for my lifetime.
2
SPEAKER_00
I ll train, I ll train your head in a minute.
2
SPEAKER_00
What about how fast you go?
2
SPEAKER_00
Do you go 20 miles an hour?
2
SPEAKER_00
I m not sure how it equivocates.
2
SPEAKER_00
I think human beings top out at like 28 if you re like, you know, Hussein Bolt.
2
SPEAKER_02
John s big bragging.
2
SPEAKER_02
I heard him the other day bragging to the waitress at dinner that he got 640 steps that day.
2
SPEAKER_02
And then he showed her.
2
SPEAKER_03
I m through this screen to rip your head off.
2
SPEAKER_02
I ll clap to this goddamn screen.
2
SPEAKER_02
All right, we ll watch this.
2
SPEAKER_03
I m faster now at tennis.
2
SPEAKER_02
Wait, wait, wait.
2
SPEAKER_02
That s true.
2
SPEAKER_02
You are quick side to side.
2
SPEAKER_02
This is an old commercial, right?
2
SPEAKER_02
From the 90s.
2
SPEAKER_02
OK.
2
SPEAKER_02
This is a 90s Instagram.
2
SPEAKER_03
This is that Dana in the middle.
2
SPEAKER_02
Let me see.
2
SPEAKER_01
Sure.
2
SPEAKER_01
Flirt squirt.
2
SPEAKER_01
You can get your brother for telling your mother.
2
SPEAKER_01
Where did this go?
2
SPEAKER_01
The line got.
2
SPEAKER_01
And a song.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh my God, she spit in her mouth.
2
SPEAKER_02
So fucking loud.
2
SPEAKER_03
Flirt, squirt.
2
SPEAKER_03
They re awfully young to be flirting and squirting.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh, that s Heather says that leads to first base.
2
SPEAKER_02
But I think that s fourth base when you squirt on a guy.
2
SPEAKER_03
He just checks on me.
2
SPEAKER_03
John, say this.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh, he did?
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_02
I said, why are you focusing on flirting squirt?
2
SPEAKER_03
Awfully young squirting, squirting.
2
SPEAKER_02
No, thank you.
2
SPEAKER_02
OK, that s a comment.
2
SPEAKER_02
Awfully young, flirting, squirting.
2
SPEAKER_02
Awfully young to be wearing a bowler hat, that idiot in the middle.
2
SPEAKER_02
But fine.
2
SPEAKER_03
I think that one kid was Ryan Gosling as a kid, wasn t it?
2
SPEAKER_02
I think it was really one of them was Reese Witherspoon at the end with the glasses.
2
SPEAKER_00
The thing they don t tell you is this is a precursor, because if you aim low, you get pee pants.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh, yeah, it s true.
2
SPEAKER_02
That s good.
2
SPEAKER_02
You tied it up because flirt squirt is basically you pee in the other guy s mouth.
2
SPEAKER_02
And it s a little bit beyond flirting.
2
SPEAKER_02
It s like, Oh, I think Jenny likes me.
2
SPEAKER_02
She just peed in my face.
2
SPEAKER_03
I m not going to marry you.
2
SPEAKER_02
No, I wouldn t even don t try to church you and your fantasies.
2
SPEAKER_02
Flirt squirt.
2
SPEAKER_02
You know, I m so old.
2
SPEAKER_02
I didn t know any girls that squirted in my life.
2
SPEAKER_02
And now there s too many.
2
SPEAKER_02
Isn t that funny?
2
SPEAKER_02
Do they learn it along the way?
2
SPEAKER_02
Do they watch it?
2
SPEAKER_03
I ve never been with a girl that squirted.
2
SPEAKER_02
You have one?
2
SPEAKER_03
No, I ve never been with one.
2
SPEAKER_03
Let s look at a clip.
2
SPEAKER_03
That squirted.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh, really?
2
SPEAKER_02
Well, maybe you re not Mr. Romeo.
2
SPEAKER_03
Or maybe I m picky.
2
SPEAKER_02
No, if you push right here and also squeeze their big toe, it can work.
2
SPEAKER_02
It s hard to do that.
2
SPEAKER_02
You get one.
2
SPEAKER_02
These right.
2
SPEAKER_02
Right.
2
SPEAKER_03
And where does it where do they start that?
2
SPEAKER_02
It can go up to six to eight feet.
2
SPEAKER_02
Flirt squirt.
2
SPEAKER_02
All right, read what they are going to back on that.
2
SPEAKER_02
Well, Dana, don t jump out on flirt squirt.
2
SPEAKER_02
No, no, I have no.
2
SPEAKER_02
We got a young audience that wants to hear about it.
2
SPEAKER_03
It told me he would flirt squirt with Nora Dunn.
2
SPEAKER_02
Well, between now and now,
3
SPEAKER_02
on SNL?
3
SPEAKER_02
I don t know when he just wouldn t do it.
3
SPEAKER_02
They were arguing in the hallway one day on SNL.
3
SPEAKER_02
And I thought it was about sketches.
3
SPEAKER_02
No, it was.
3
SPEAKER_01
And then you heard the flirt squirt song.
3
SPEAKER_02
No.
3
SPEAKER_02
Then they were like, yes, you promised to squirt me in the middle of the sketch.
3
SPEAKER_02
I tried.
3
SPEAKER_02
I tried.
3
SPEAKER_00
The truth of it is funny or John and I were in a sketch of William Shatner and we were playing Star Trek nerds.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s kind of a famous sketch.
3
SPEAKER_00
Famous sketch.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
And goes, yeah, the life, you know, so.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then Nora and I just had an argument, whatever.
3
SPEAKER_00
But I had like I was dressed like the nerd.
3
SPEAKER_00
I had glasses with, you know, tape in the middle.
3
SPEAKER_00
And John came out and we re nose to nose kind of yelling, you know, a lot of stress.
3
SPEAKER_02
I was dying laughing.
3
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s hard to get in a real argument when you re dressed the church that you get to take a swing at someone.
3
SPEAKER_00
Could you tell that that was a really funny sketch all week?
3
SPEAKER_01
Because it s lived throughout history is a really good one.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, everything about William Shatner was just funny that week.
3
SPEAKER_00
And he just killed it.
3
SPEAKER_00
He was so funny.
3
SPEAKER_02
We were the most excited about him hosting than anybody, because like Dennis would always say, why aren t I in sketches?
3
SPEAKER_02
And he complained.
3
SPEAKER_02
I go, Dennis, you don t hang out Tuesday night.
3
SPEAKER_02
Right.
3
SPEAKER_02
So then he d be around the table and he d always be like.
3
SPEAKER_02
Because there was nothing for him to do, but when it was I remember this distinctly and there s William Shatner and
3
SPEAKER_02
But Lauren s in the middle and then the host and then the table goes this way.
3
SPEAKER_02
So I always sat next to the host and Dana was on my right.
3
SPEAKER_02
And I remember looking at saying to Daniel, it s Kirk.
3
SPEAKER_02
We were so excited.
3
SPEAKER_02
And I looked at Dennis.
3
SPEAKER_02
He s like this.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_02
He was so excited.
3
SPEAKER_02
Well, we all were excited.
3
SPEAKER_02
It was Kirk with captain Kirk.
3
SPEAKER_01
When they walked down to lunch, they walked down to Huxleys or something.
3
SPEAKER_01
And, but they were like, let s say outside of 30 rock.
3
SPEAKER_01
They re just walking down the street to go to dinner or whatever.
3
SPEAKER_01
And he said so many people yell captain Kirk.
3
SPEAKER_01
And while he s talking, he just throws this up.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
Anyway, Dennis, so we, we golf last week.
3
SPEAKER_01
Hey.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, he can do that.
3
SPEAKER_01
And he would throw it out like that s all they want to see is say.
3
SPEAKER_01
But then we asked William Shatner and he said, I don t remember that.
3
SPEAKER_01
He said, I can t remember what you remember doing this to people.
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, Dennis said he s just throwing it around just while he s talking, because he does so much.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s like fluid, which is funny.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I remember the episode where Spock got mad and did this to a Klingon.
3
SPEAKER_01
No, he did not.
3
SPEAKER_01
Did he?
3
SPEAKER_01
Remember they made Spock, because he didn t have any emotions, they made him wear pee pants around the station.
3
SPEAKER_00
I knew you were going for that.
3
SPEAKER_01
I knew it, I had to, around the station, because he has no emotion.
3
SPEAKER_01
He goes, why is this humorous?
3
SPEAKER_01
They re fucking pee pants, dude, it s funny.
3
SPEAKER_02
Remember he fell in love with somebody, he didn t understand emotion, and then he did a flirt squirt.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t get it, that s you.
3
SPEAKER_01
And then he did a flirt squirt by some Klingon?
3
SPEAKER_02
Trouble with the Tribbles, remember, it was a James episode.
3
SPEAKER_00
No man has gone before.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_00
Dane was in the middle of a curse.
3
SPEAKER_00
I interrupted.
3
SPEAKER_00
I was in a place where he d squirt and flirt.
3
SPEAKER_01
John, what couch are you in?
3
SPEAKER_01
La Scala?
3
SPEAKER_01
What are you doing right now?
3
SPEAKER_02
This is my house.
3
SPEAKER_01
It is?
3
SPEAKER_01
You didn t do that design on purpose, did you?
3
SPEAKER_02
I did it back then.
3
SPEAKER_01
I know a great lawyer like you re at a Persian.
3
SPEAKER_02
I went with a Southwestern theme and it was like 30 years ago.
3
SPEAKER_02
There you go.
3
SPEAKER_01
I have to say John is a big mansion.
3
SPEAKER_01
Good luck with your mansion tax.
3
SPEAKER_01
He has a mansion.
3
SPEAKER_02
Your house is your house is twice as big as mine.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s twice as Southwestern.
3
SPEAKER_02
you want to talk about personal stuff like our, no, John, I don t, I don t want to do this.
3
SPEAKER_02
And yet you brought it up.
3
SPEAKER_01
No, John, when are you going the road next?
3
SPEAKER_01
And do you like the road?
3
SPEAKER_01
And if you travel past Texas, do you go the day before go?
3
SPEAKER_02
I go normally about once or twice a month.
3
SPEAKER_02
And, uh, yeah, I do like it, but I always go to fly the day before the show.
3
SPEAKER_02
Because you never know what if you miss it.
3
SPEAKER_02
So I d rather have peace of mind and get a good day s sleep before the show.
3
SPEAKER_02
Even if it s Vegas.
3
SPEAKER_01
Even if it s Phoenix.
3
SPEAKER_02
Even if it s Phoenix.
3
SPEAKER_02
I don t care where I go the day before.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I get all sad.
3
SPEAKER_02
I don t want something to happen and then I miss.
3
SPEAKER_01
No, it s so stressful.
3
SPEAKER_00
So you go to the Hollywood Improv the day before.
3
SPEAKER_00
Hollywood, you hang out at the Hollywood Improv the day before.
3
SPEAKER_02
No, I don t play LA anymore because.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, yeah, I hear this theorem.
3
SPEAKER_02
Well, comic still jokes, for one.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, my jokes are that good.
3
SPEAKER_02
And secondly, my next, you know, you never know.
3
SPEAKER_02
Oh, you said this.
3
SPEAKER_02
You said this.
3
SPEAKER_02
It was a joke.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, but you meant it, even though it was a joke.
3
SPEAKER_02
I go, well, I meant it, yeah, but it was a joke.
3
SPEAKER_00
Who are these people?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, who are these people?
3
SPEAKER_02
Who are these people?
3
SPEAKER_02
They re looking at your career and it s not worth a chance.
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, I think you could go on.
3
SPEAKER_01
It might happen.
3
SPEAKER_02
It might be offended.
3
SPEAKER_02
And if it are offended, you go, so what?
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, right.
3
SPEAKER_01
You re saying Hollywood audiences are a little more offended.
3
SPEAKER_01
Some of your offense.
3
SPEAKER_00
There s always somebody.
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, guess what?
3
SPEAKER_00
Steve Martin.
3
SPEAKER_00
Guess what?
3
SPEAKER_00
In his book, like he stayed out of L.A.
3
SPEAKER_00
Completely went on the road.
3
SPEAKER_00
He opened for people.
3
SPEAKER_00
He did Vegas.
3
SPEAKER_00
He did.
3
SPEAKER_00
He did a lot of things.
3
SPEAKER_00
And he became great.
3
SPEAKER_00
So there s more than one way to skin a Steve.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Why did he stay out of Los Angeles?
3
SPEAKER_00
Um, well, I think he saw that the sitcom way and that wasn t his way.
3
SPEAKER_00
So then he started opening and just working on the road.
3
SPEAKER_00
Um, two weeks before he made it, he bombed so bad.
3
SPEAKER_00
He considered just forget it.
3
SPEAKER_00
I can t remember.
3
SPEAKER_00
You know, I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_00
I just remember in his book, he was playing some Miami gig.
3
SPEAKER_00
And just if the audience didn t hook, he wasn t famous.
3
SPEAKER_00
If they didn t hook his character, it got really grim in there, you know?
3
SPEAKER_02
Well, he was making fun of it.
3
SPEAKER_00
I know he was.
3
SPEAKER_00
And if you didn t get that, it was bad.
3
SPEAKER_00
But if you did, it was I mean, he was hysterical, hysterical.
3
SPEAKER_00
I saw him at peak at the at the boarding house.
3
SPEAKER_00
and also some of the Berklee Community Center.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it was pretty something to watch that.
3
SPEAKER_01
What about when he had the Blues Brothers open for him at the Universal Amphitheater?
3
SPEAKER_01
That s probably the coolest show I have ever missed.
3
SPEAKER_00
I even Steve, I, it s hard, man, that d be one of the toughest things to follow.
3
SPEAKER_00
Probably the blues brothers when they re with the full dancing and all the singing.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s a tough one.
3
SPEAKER_01
And then, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
And you re even better, but he was on SNL then too.
3
SPEAKER_00
So it was like, he was on a lot.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
He was on a lot.
3
SPEAKER_00
Right.
3
SPEAKER_00
Right.
3
SPEAKER_00
Steve Martin was, uh, you know, rock star as well.
3
SPEAKER_02
I got to work with him in a movie, Three Amigos.
3
SPEAKER_02
Phil Hartman and I, right?
3
SPEAKER_02
And Joe Mantegna were in the scene.
3
SPEAKER_02
And, and, uh, and so they was doing coverage on Steve Martin.
3
SPEAKER_02
It was, you know, Chevy chase and the March.
3
SPEAKER_02
So anyway, they re on Steve.
3
SPEAKER_02
So he would do a take and they go, let s do it again.
3
SPEAKER_02
And each time he was a little funnier and I ve never seen anything like it.
3
SPEAKER_02
He had such control.
3
SPEAKER_02
And it was like, he had a knob on his chest.
3
SPEAKER_02
They go, where do you want to hear?
3
SPEAKER_02
Like, let me turn it up one.
3
SPEAKER_02
Let me turn it up to a little funnier.
3
SPEAKER_02
OK, we ll go to three.
3
SPEAKER_02
It was like that precise.
3
SPEAKER_01
Mm hmm.
3
SPEAKER_02
I ve never seen anything like I believe it.
3
SPEAKER_02
Mm hmm.
3
SPEAKER_02
You lie a lot, but that one, I mean, he s not he s not Dana Carvey.
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, I remember working it and he was trapped in paradise and I would watch it and it was John s close up and it would just it would be exactly the same every time.
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I just.
3
SPEAKER_01
I have a knob on me that says 11 and it s broken off there.
3
SPEAKER_01
So it doesn t go below.
3
SPEAKER_02
I ve done movies with both of you guys.
3
SPEAKER_02
And I have to say between the two of you, I m the funniest.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_01
Thank you.
3
SPEAKER_01
Thank you for that audience poll.
3
SPEAKER_01
No, you are funny.
3
SPEAKER_02
I didn t mean to say I m the funniest.
3
SPEAKER_02
Between the two of you?
3
SPEAKER_00
I m funny.
3
SPEAKER_00
It drives you crazy.
3
SPEAKER_02
I know I came at it wrong again.
3
SPEAKER_00
People go, well, you re just naturally funny.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s what they say to you.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, they say that to me and I go, Oh, it s just easy for you.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_02
No, it s not.
3
SPEAKER_02
I act like I don t know I m being funny, but I do know.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_02
And I know how I m funny.
3
SPEAKER_00
No, no one can just be a natural and not work the system of how to be funny on command with a camera in your face.
3
SPEAKER_02
No, this guy named Ralph Levy, who used to produce and direct the Jack Benny show and the Burns analogy.
3
SPEAKER_02
He came to my acting class, Tony Bartlett acting for the camera.
3
SPEAKER_02
He goes, Ralph s gonna teach you comedy.
3
SPEAKER_02
But anyway, Ralph said, you do all the things you do in drama, then you add the comedy on top, and then you, the actor, you know you re being funny, but your character should be oblivious.
3
SPEAKER_02
As a result, people think, oh, you re just naturally funny.
3
SPEAKER_02
You re funny just standing there.
3
SPEAKER_02
I said, if I m just standing there, it s because I m making that choice to just stand there with a blank face, because I know it ll be funny.
3
SPEAKER_01
Because that s the funny way to do it, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Could I get a Master Thespian, A-C-T-I-N-G, with full commitment?
4
SPEAKER_00
I said, thank you.
4
SPEAKER_03
Thank you.
4
SPEAKER_03
Oh, thank you.
4
SPEAKER_03
Oh, that s good.
4
SPEAKER_03
OK, that s a good laugh.
4
SPEAKER_00
No SNL, though.
4
SPEAKER_00
They break so much now.
4
SPEAKER_00
I go, what happened to the sketch?
4
SPEAKER_00
And so, you know, remember, we weren t allowed to break character.
4
SPEAKER_00
We d have been fired.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
This isn t the Carol Burnett show.
4
SPEAKER_00
We don t do that.
4
SPEAKER_02
Ryan Gosling, though, was having so much fun.
4
SPEAKER_02
It was infectious.
4
SPEAKER_02
That was the most breaking show ever.
4
SPEAKER_02
But you couldn t help but laugh.
4
SPEAKER_00
Well, he s the host.
4
SPEAKER_00
He s not going to get.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, but it was it was I guess I ll have to go back to my giant movie career.
4
SPEAKER_02
I don t think he s worried about the Beavis and Budhead sketch.
4
SPEAKER_02
It s kind of a sort of a classic.
4
SPEAKER_01
You saw it and you saw it.
4
SPEAKER_01
I saw I get Twitter funny.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so it would have been funnier if they hadn t broke.
4
SPEAKER_00
I mean, that s how I feel.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh.
4
SPEAKER_00
It wasn t.
4
SPEAKER_02
I wish we could have broke.
4
SPEAKER_02
I think breaking some.
4
SPEAKER_02
I agree with you.
4
SPEAKER_02
When I was doing the pepper boy, I thought we were going to break for a minute and I didn t want to break on that because it was killing so hard without it.
4
SPEAKER_02
But it does make you laugh when people break.
4
SPEAKER_01
But anyway, here s my impression of Farley.
4
SPEAKER_02
Why?
4
SPEAKER_02
Thank you.
4
SPEAKER_00
And for more.
4
SPEAKER_00
I would like more of him.
4
SPEAKER_00
He really made me down by the river.
4
SPEAKER_00
It was you and Christina and you guys were trying not to laugh.
4
SPEAKER_00
And it was he was doing everything he could to make you laugh.
4
SPEAKER_00
Thank you.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Which was funny.
4
SPEAKER_01
But did you ever laugh your whole time at SNL or did anyone ever laugh?
4
SPEAKER_00
No, I did one time because it was a it was it was Tarzan, Tonto and Frankenstein.
4
SPEAKER_00
Right.
4
SPEAKER_00
Pat Stevens show with Nora.
4
SPEAKER_00
So she s interviewing the three of us.
4
SPEAKER_00
And anyway, we re doing the sketch, and then all of a sudden, Phil, out of nowhere, started laughing.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh, yeah, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
That s very odd for Phil.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then five seconds later, he just lost it.
4
SPEAKER_00
That was it.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, he was on and on.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I m like, we re all like, what is he laughing?
4
SPEAKER_00
And then we couldn t not laugh.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I have my head.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m like, there s covering my face.
4
SPEAKER_00
We were like, and I couldn t stop.
4
SPEAKER_00
And afterward, I said, Phil, what happened?
4
SPEAKER_00
Nothing had happened.
4
SPEAKER_00
He just started.
4
SPEAKER_00
So he said, I tell you what he said.
4
SPEAKER_00
He goes, well, I just thought how ridiculous I look.
4
SPEAKER_00
And, and I started laughing and then I stopped and he goes, and then I thought, what is it what that must have looked like to the people watching the sketch and at home seeing Frankenstein laugh like that and he goes, and I just lost it.
4
SPEAKER_01
For no reason, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, and then Lauren and I might ve gone, well, you know, that happens, it s all right.
4
SPEAKER_02
But the other thing, John, is the sketch continued even though he lost it.
4
SPEAKER_02
If I remember him as Frankenstein crashing through the set, because that s what he was gonna do.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, didn t he do that?
4
SPEAKER_01
He kept going.
4
SPEAKER_02
And he s laughing his ass off the whole time.
4
SPEAKER_02
He didn t stop.
4
SPEAKER_00
And he s still doing the character.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think I remember that.
4
SPEAKER_00
We tried, yeah, we tried to finish, but we couldn t stop.
4
SPEAKER_00
But that s the only time I remember doing that.
4
SPEAKER_01
Listen, Dana, I just wanted to tell you that the eclipse, not really coming to LA when everyone was so excited about it, like it was Coachella, was funny.
4
SPEAKER_01
You know what s not funny?
4
SPEAKER_01
Getting ripped off.
4
SPEAKER_01
Harry s Razors agrees.
4
SPEAKER_01
Harry s Razors is something my brother Andy told me about.
4
SPEAKER_01
years ago.
4
SPEAKER_01
What they did, they saw customers getting screwed over by questionable overpriced shaving products, and they decided to do something better.
4
SPEAKER_02
I hear, David, that instead of charging the same stupid high prices, Harry s found their own way to make
4
SPEAKER_02
really, honestly, beautifully designed razors for a fraction.
4
SPEAKER_02
Do you know what that means?
4
SPEAKER_02
A fraction of the price.
4
SPEAKER_02
It s like less than the brands.
4
SPEAKER_02
Less, exactly.
4
SPEAKER_02
Exceptional products, honest prices.
4
SPEAKER_02
That s Harry s, David.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
Listen, you know, they re heavy.
4
SPEAKER_01
They have a weighted handle.
4
SPEAKER_01
So, Dana, and I know you like to get pumped up.
4
SPEAKER_01
You count on them as barbells because you go, oh, I do two razors in the morning, do curls, you know.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yes, I take the razor and they pump up the bicep.
4
SPEAKER_02
But you used to do 300 pounds.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, but you know, you just do more reps.
4
SPEAKER_02
It s all about the reps.
4
SPEAKER_02
It s great to have a real, this is like stuff in movies.
4
SPEAKER_02
You d see a guy with a really handle and a weighted heavy shaver.
4
SPEAKER_02
And then these other companies came out with these plastic ones, garbage that just after one shave, you know, I m a little sort of an alpha male in a way.
4
SPEAKER_02
So it s just that I can hear it say, ow, when I go down, you look at how wide they are between blades.
4
SPEAKER_01
You re like, this is going to rip my face.
4
SPEAKER_01
So after one shave,
4
SPEAKER_01
just get the blood off it and throw it away.
4
SPEAKER_01
But the ones, the heavy ones look cooler.
4
SPEAKER_01
You look like you re in a movie.
4
SPEAKER_01
I like it.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s quality, makes you feel good, better than the rest.
4
SPEAKER_01
Listen, it s got the highest customer satisfaction in the shave industry.
4
SPEAKER_01
No risk trial.
4
SPEAKER_01
You don t like it for some weird reason, no worries, it s on them.
4
SPEAKER_02
Convenient subscription option that you can cancel at any time.
4
SPEAKER_02
This is a great, great shaving experience.
4
SPEAKER_01
Getting ripped off isn t funny, switch to Harry s.
4
SPEAKER_01
Get started with a $13 trial set for just $3 at harrys.com slash fly.
4
SPEAKER_02
That s harrys.com slash fly for a $3 trial set.
4
SPEAKER_01
All right, anything else for John before we let him go walk?
4
SPEAKER_00
Jerry, what do you have your own show now?
4
SPEAKER_00
Suddenly, it s your podcast.
4
SPEAKER_01
No, I m just saying, because we re getting it.
4
SPEAKER_01
We have a screen.
4
SPEAKER_00
We ll be right back with Dana.
4
SPEAKER_00
We are here with John Lewis right after this.
4
SPEAKER_02
We are here with the one and only John Lovett with a word from Snapple.
4
SPEAKER_02
Thanks, fellas.
4
SPEAKER_02
John, do you want to promote your promote where your gigs, your next one?
4
SPEAKER_00
I ll be at the Grove Comedy Club in Maine, Arkansas, and look for me.
4
SPEAKER_00
I have a new singing show where I sing with a great band.
4
SPEAKER_00
Randy played with Frank Sinatra, a four-piece band at the Jazz Club Vibrato.
4
SPEAKER_00
Where is that?
4
SPEAKER_00
It s in Los Angeles, top of Beverly Glen Center.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I m up in there.
4
SPEAKER_00
OK, yeah, I went to shows and they want to bring me back now every couple of months.
4
SPEAKER_00
It was a blast.
4
SPEAKER_02
I saw it.
4
SPEAKER_02
Well, you do have pipes.
4
SPEAKER_02
What are you singing?
4
SPEAKER_02
Sinatra?
4
SPEAKER_02
You wouldn t like it.
4
SPEAKER_00
So, yeah, stuff like that.
4
SPEAKER_00
Different standards and songs and songs like the monkey and the babbling that my grandfather taught, you know, singing in the rain.
4
SPEAKER_00
No, it s still funny.
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, it s he does comedy comedy.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then it is still a funny show.
4
SPEAKER_01
He doesn t have a good voice.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s not Dana Carter.
4
SPEAKER_00
I ll give a spade funny, but it s not me and my pogo stick.
4
No.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s not Dana, George Bush, Dennis Miller.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m doing a tour of the South by the way.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m doing, it s a great question.
4
SPEAKER_01
Love it.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m doing, I thought you went already.
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, it s on davidsbay.com, but I m doing like, um, I think I m doing Arkansas, Kentucky, North Carolina, uh, Orlando.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m doing Arkansas.
4
SPEAKER_00
Did you guys ever talk about when Dana Carvey brought me to a club?
4
SPEAKER_00
And he goes, there s this guy there, David Spade, he s really influenced by Dennis and I. And that s the first time I saw David.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then I was like, oh my God, he s like a clone of the two of them.
4
SPEAKER_00
If Dana and David, Dennis Miller and Dana Carvey had a baby, it would be Spade.
4
SPEAKER_00
I think he s outstripped that moniker.
4
SPEAKER_00
Well, that s, no, years ago, you have your own style now, but back then it was like, but you were funny, but that s the first time I ever saw you.
4
SPEAKER_00
Dana introduced me to you.
4
SPEAKER_01
When I first saw Dennis, he said, this guy, John, is a cross between me and a Snuffleupagus.
4
SPEAKER_00
When I first saw David, I said, I watched him and I said, he s like a cross between Dennis Miller and a flirt squirt.
4
SPEAKER_02
When I first saw John Lovett, I thought he was a cross between Moe Howard and Ulysses S. Grant.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
When I first saw Dana Carvey, I thought he was Ellen Degeneres.
4
SPEAKER_01
I first saw Dana, he was across from Tinkerbell.
4
SPEAKER_01
Just Tinkerbell.
4
SPEAKER_01
I can t think of another one.
4
SPEAKER_00
This is a true story.
4
SPEAKER_00
Dana, we d always tease each other.
4
SPEAKER_00
and he would do characters.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh, the start, when William Shatner hosted the show, and he went, John, I m in three sketches, three, three, right?
4
SPEAKER_00
And he always goes, what can t I do?
4
SPEAKER_00
So one time he s behind me,
4
SPEAKER_00
dressed in makeup as Johnny Carson, and he s imitating Johnny Carson.
4
SPEAKER_00
It was so spookily good.
4
SPEAKER_00
Dana was gone, and you were in the room with Johnny Carson.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I remember in my head looking at it, and I literally thought, yeah, he s right.
4
SPEAKER_00
What can t he do?
4
SPEAKER_00
That s how good he was, how great he was.
4
SPEAKER_00
I actually thought that I go, he s right.
4
SPEAKER_00
It was so
5
SPEAKER_03
spooky.
5
SPEAKER_03
It was so weird.
5
SPEAKER_00
I remember seeing him run around in his car saying it looked great.
5
SPEAKER_03
But he sounded exactly like him and he was gone.
5
SPEAKER_03
It was pretty amazing.
5
SPEAKER_02
That s very nice, John.
5
SPEAKER_02
John is one of the
5
SPEAKER_02
Most talented people I know.
5
SPEAKER_02
John can really sing.
5
SPEAKER_02
He said, I can really sing.
5
SPEAKER_02
He would tell me I can really sing.
5
SPEAKER_02
And I said, I go to myself.
5
SPEAKER_02
Sure.
5
SPEAKER_02
For a comedian.
5
SPEAKER_02
Then I saw him really sing and he goes, damn.
5
SPEAKER_02
So it s the same kind of compliment.
5
SPEAKER_02
That guy can really sing.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yes, he can really sing.
5
SPEAKER_02
Probably the best.
5
SPEAKER_02
Well, I like comedians.
5
SPEAKER_03
The show is called From the Shower to the Stage.
5
SPEAKER_03
I like to sing in the shower.
5
SPEAKER_03
It sounds amazing.
5
SPEAKER_03
Everyone thinks they sound great in the shower.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
I told him that should be a TV show.
5
SPEAKER_03
I m going to put it out there and try.
5
SPEAKER_03
Frank Sinatra, though.
5
SPEAKER_03
Frank Sinatra, everyone goes, he s the greatest.
5
SPEAKER_03
He wrote a book on singing, if anyone s listening, called Tips on Popular Singing by Frank Sinatra.
5
SPEAKER_03
And he tells you how to sing.
5
SPEAKER_03
And it s it s fantastic.
5
SPEAKER_00
Does it work?
5
SPEAKER_00
Because the other day you were telling us.
5
SPEAKER_03
Oh, it worked.
5
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, it worked.
5
SPEAKER_03
It really works.
5
SPEAKER_03
Oh, because it didn t.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
You told me you re like, take your upper soft palate.
5
SPEAKER_03
I m like, let me just like every, every singing teacher, it s your diet.
5
SPEAKER_03
Pull your stomach in, pull it out to support the air.
5
SPEAKER_03
Frank Sinatra says, breathe in through your nose.
5
SPEAKER_03
And then, because if you breathe into your mouth,
5
SPEAKER_03
The air goes in and dries you out.
5
SPEAKER_03
You ve all got the summer wind nose.
5
SPEAKER_03
And then, yeah, you re you re lungs full of air and you feel your ribcage go out.
5
SPEAKER_03
You don t let your ribcage go back in.
5
SPEAKER_03
He s the only one that says not your stomach, your diaphragm, your ribcage.
5
SPEAKER_03
And if you do that, that s what you focus on.
5
SPEAKER_03
You automatically support it correctly with your abdominal muscles.
5
SPEAKER_02
I m going to take a shower right after this podcast and sing.
5
SPEAKER_02
I m going to take a long, long shower after this podcast and sing.
5
SPEAKER_03
Everybody loves somebody sometimes.
5
SPEAKER_02
Well, what s more fun than singing with a band?
5
SPEAKER_02
Comedy is hard.
5
SPEAKER_02
You re up there singing with a four.
5
SPEAKER_00
He s like the character.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s like, don t make me sing.
5
SPEAKER_03
These guys, Randy Wallman s the musical conductor and the arranger.
5
SPEAKER_00
Never heard of him.
5
SPEAKER_03
He s played with Frank Sinatra, George Benson, Ray Charles.
5
SPEAKER_03
He s the top guy.
5
SPEAKER_03
He s Barbra Streisand s personal pianist and now musical conductor.
5
SPEAKER_03
He s been a personal
5
SPEAKER_00
accompanist, pianist, for 36 years.
5
SPEAKER_02
Pianist.
5
SPEAKER_03
The guitar player.
5
SPEAKER_03
He s the best studio musician, guitar player.
5
SPEAKER_03
He s known for Michael J. Fox.
5
SPEAKER_00
What are we getting at?
5
SPEAKER_00
Go ahead.
5
SPEAKER_00
So he s good.
5
SPEAKER_00
Now what?
5
SPEAKER_00
I want to see him in his show.
5
SPEAKER_03
Back to the Future.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh, is he on your show?
5
SPEAKER_03
The cello player is one of the best cello players in the world.
5
SPEAKER_03
This is his band.
5
SPEAKER_03
The drummer is one of the best drummers.
5
SPEAKER_03
Dave Tull at a
5
SPEAKER_03
Pat s a college professor, teaches everything.
5
SPEAKER_03
They re so great.
5
SPEAKER_03
So you have to think I might jump off, play with these guys.
5
SPEAKER_03
It s not easy.
5
SPEAKER_03
David Spade likes it.
5
SPEAKER_00
I thought we were doing VH1 behind the music.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m like, what s going on?
5
SPEAKER_00
That s his band.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s your band.
5
SPEAKER_03
It s good stuff.
5
SPEAKER_03
It s not it s fun, but it s not.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it s not like amateur hour.
5
SPEAKER_03
Well, they re not, I m trying to keep up with them.
5
SPEAKER_00
No, you are, you do good.
5
SPEAKER_00
I ve seen it, it s good.
5
SPEAKER_00
Okay, so Dana, nice to meet you.
5
SPEAKER_00
John, nice to see you.
5
SPEAKER_00
I ll see you out front, because you live in my yard.
5
SPEAKER_00
And Jerry the dog, nice to... Jerry, don t show the overbite.
5
SPEAKER_00
Does he have a good angle?
5
SPEAKER_01
Underbite, right?
5
SPEAKER_01
Jerry, quit fighting.
5
SPEAKER_01
Don t let him do that stuff to you.
5
SPEAKER_01
He s asleep.
5
SPEAKER_00
He s like, hey, I just found this turd in the driveway.
5
SPEAKER_00
I have to chew on.
5
SPEAKER_00
Anyway, John, great to see you.
5
SPEAKER_00
Let s do it again sometime.
5
SPEAKER_00
This will never air.
5
SPEAKER_00
OK, bye.
5
SPEAKER_03
Bye, John.
5
SPEAKER_03
Bye, everybody.
5
SPEAKER_03
Goodbye.
5
SPEAKER_00
This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Charlie Finan of Brillstein Entertainment, Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman.
5
SPEAKER_00
Hope you liked it.