0
SPEAKER_00
These are so cute.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, thank you.
0
SPEAKER_00
I got them at the Outlet Mall.
0
SPEAKER_00
Which one?
0
SPEAKER_00
Palm Springs?
0
SPEAKER_00
Yes, the Palm Springs Outlet Mall.
0
SPEAKER_00
So I went on a adventure with Callie.
0
SPEAKER_00
She wanted to have one night away from the baby practice.
0
SPEAKER_00
So we went to Palm Springs and had just like a night at a hotel.
0
SPEAKER_00
It was so, so lovely and nice.
0
SPEAKER_00
And on our way there, we went to the Outlet Mall.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s the most insane out of all.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
I ve never been.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God.
0
SPEAKER_00
It has all these luxury brands.
0
SPEAKER_00
Like there s a Prada, there s a Mueve, Celine, Saint Laurent, Ralph Lauren.
0
SPEAKER_00
There s everything there.
0
SPEAKER_00
And it s exciting.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
And it s like half off or like... Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
It depends.
0
SPEAKER_00
Not always half, but good discounts.
0
SPEAKER_00
Like stuff sometimes from like last season.
0
SPEAKER_00
So it s discounted.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s a good little trip.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m happy you had a good time.
0
SPEAKER_01
So when you go on a trip like that, do you sleep in the same bed?
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, we did.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_01
You sleep in the same room and it s like a real slumber party.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s a real slumber party.
0
SPEAKER_00
It was funny because a couple things happened with the hotel room.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_00
One is she s pumping and stuff.
0
SPEAKER_00
So she needed a little mini fridge for the milk.
0
SPEAKER_00
And so they brought one up and it was like
0
SPEAKER_00
So it was just like kind of falling apart.
0
SPEAKER_00
Like it like didn t look that steady or reliable, but you know, whatever.
0
SPEAKER_00
She was like, huh, it looks a little rustic.
0
SPEAKER_00
And like rustic was such a, and then she used that word like four or five times.
0
SPEAKER_00
And we had a whole conversation about what rustic means.
0
SPEAKER_00
Cause to me rustic means cabin-y.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s a positive.
0
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
0
SPEAKER_00
To me, it s positive.
0
SPEAKER_00
And to her, it s just like interchangeable for fucked up.
0
SPEAKER_01
I kind of like, it s like a cute way to say if something s fucked up.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s rustic.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m gonna start using that.
0
SPEAKER_00
I know, it s so funny.
0
SPEAKER_00
Cause okay, also there was this crazy loud, she was referring to it as a mechanical pump.
0
SPEAKER_00
Like there was this like loud sound that would just happen like every half hour and we didn t know what it was or where it was coming from.
0
SPEAKER_01
During the night too?
0
SPEAKER_00
And then yes, it happened during the night.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh, that s annoying.
0
SPEAKER_01
It was, that s my worst fear.
0
SPEAKER_01
I have so many sound fears about hotels.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m crazy.
0
SPEAKER_01
I ll always put a little note that s like, quiet room, please.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I always pretend like I m on a very important work trip, even if I m not.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m very sensitive to sound.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m sensitive to a lot of things, obviously, but I will sleep in a hotel room and I literally won t sleep like a minute.
0
SPEAKER_01
Sometimes I ll get into a room and I just know I m like, oh, no, this is like a zero sleep situation.
0
SPEAKER_01
Because of the sound?
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, because of that kind of thing of like there s a clank or clunk.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I don t know where it s coming from and I can t stop it.
0
SPEAKER_01
Or the ventilation.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like I need some ventilation, like white noise.
0
SPEAKER_01
And if it doesn t work, then we re going to have a problem.
0
SPEAKER_01
How do you share a bed with anyone?
0
SPEAKER_01
Very difficult.
0
SPEAKER_01
We shared a bed actually.
0
SPEAKER_00
I know.
0
SPEAKER_01
And it worked out because you re a little burrito.
0
SPEAKER_01
We re a little burrito princess.
0
SPEAKER_01
I felt like you were my doll.
0
SPEAKER_01
You just like tucked me in.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, my little American doll that comes to sleep after she s done playing with her other friends.
0
SPEAKER_00
Ew, that s so scary, Liz.
0
SPEAKER_00
I hate that.
0
SPEAKER_00
I hate dolls that become people.
0
SPEAKER_01
You were so cute.
0
SPEAKER_01
That s like one of my core memories of you.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s just like turning around seeing you just like, you really were like a little, like babies in burritos.
0
SPEAKER_01
So cute.
0
SPEAKER_01
So yeah, I could sleep with you, which was a huge deal.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I usually can t.
0
SPEAKER_01
And when I, you know… Boyfriends.
0
SPEAKER_01
Boyfriends and stuff like that.
0
SPEAKER_01
They just think I m cool.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m like, I m going to go.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like, but I mean, it s like, I will not sleep.
0
SPEAKER_01
But what about when you lived with boys?
0
SPEAKER_01
I eventually get used to it, but there are certain things, like I can t touch, you can t touch me while we re falling asleep.
0
SPEAKER_01
Or like there s, it s very hard because I really love to cuddle, but I hate to be touched.
0
SPEAKER_01
And so it s complex.
0
SPEAKER_01
You can sleep really well with someone you re up.
0
SPEAKER_00
No, I used to.
0
SPEAKER_00
I used to love a slumber party so much and I had no issues.
0
SPEAKER_00
But the older I ve gotten, it is hard.
0
SPEAKER_00
I prefer my own room always.
0
SPEAKER_00
Same.
0
SPEAKER_00
But with the boyfriend, I have a friend whose partner wishes and wants to sleep in separate rooms, right?
0
SPEAKER_00
To like cuddle and hang and like be snuggly and then goodnight and go into his room.
0
SPEAKER_00
And she does not want that.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s funny because I m like,
0
SPEAKER_00
I get it.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I get it.
0
SPEAKER_00
Because when you re just sleeping, you should just be just sleeping.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s like, get out of here.
0
SPEAKER_01
People are going to just call us like we re, you know, it s not- What are we?
0
SPEAKER_01
What will they say?
0
SPEAKER_01
You are uncompromising and you want your own space.
0
SPEAKER_00
I know, but I- Because we re people on earth.
0
SPEAKER_00
You want your own space too.
0
SPEAKER_00
You just decided
0
SPEAKER_00
Or maybe you don t.
0
SPEAKER_00
Maybe some people love the safety of having somebody next to them.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
0
SPEAKER_00
We re 36 and single.
0
SPEAKER_00
You get used to it and you like it.
0
SPEAKER_01
You like it.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I will say, though, that the first time that I sleep with someone in the same bed and we have a sleepover, if I do sleep pretty well, it s a huge deal.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
And if they start snoring, I m like, this is never, like, based on the sleep, I ll know how the relationship will go.
0
SPEAKER_01
My ex-boyfriend, David, who I always bring up.
0
SPEAKER_01
I feel like I have, right?
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, you have.
0
SPEAKER_01
To you, but maybe not on the show.
0
SPEAKER_01
I think you probably have.
0
SPEAKER_01
The first night that we slept together was actually in a hotel, it was complicated, because whatever, he was working in Vegas, and I came, like it was an unusual kind of first sleepover.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I was like having hives on the plane, because I was like, I m going to have to sleep with a boy in a hotel room.
0
SPEAKER_01
I won t be able to, I don t know what it s going to be like.
0
SPEAKER_00
Poop and stuff.
0
SPEAKER_01
Poop the whole thing, whole nine yards.
0
SPEAKER_00
I really am concerned about,
0
SPEAKER_00
The poop.
0
SPEAKER_00
Like on an early date for sleepovers.
0
SPEAKER_01
Sometimes people have invited me like, come to this wedding.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like, I m like, we re not doing that.
0
SPEAKER_01
We re not sleeping in the same bed for the first time in a hotel room.
0
SPEAKER_01
The bathroom s right there.
0
SPEAKER_01
Also, I wish hotels designed things differently.
0
SPEAKER_01
Put the bathroom in a different room.
0
SPEAKER_01
Hall.
0
SPEAKER_01
Put a bathroom somewhere else.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s too close.
0
SPEAKER_00
I do often.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s too close to the bed.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s too close.
0
SPEAKER_00
But that s how I feel about my apartment.
0
SPEAKER_00
The bathroom is very close.
0
SPEAKER_00
And one time a friend pooped.
0
SPEAKER_00
Did you hear it?
0
SPEAKER_00
Smell it?
0
SPEAKER_00
Or did they tell you?
0
SPEAKER_00
I smelled it.
0
SPEAKER_00
And like, this is really mean.
0
SPEAKER_00
Because I know for a lot of people who come over and poop, like, it s great.
0
SPEAKER_00
You re allowed to come over and poop.
0
SPEAKER_00
You re allowed.
0
SPEAKER_00
Of course.
0
SPEAKER_00
And you should.
0
SPEAKER_00
And some people, I welcome it.
0
SPEAKER_00
And so this is why this is mean.
0
SPEAKER_00
Because when they pooped and left, I was like,
0
SPEAKER_00
Why did you do that?
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, it hurt you.
0
SPEAKER_00
I was offended by it.
0
SPEAKER_00
Why did it offend you?
0
SPEAKER_00
Honestly, I like took it as an assault because I was like, why did you do that?
0
SPEAKER_00
This person in my life sometimes I feel has entitlement stuff.
0
SPEAKER_00
So I took that poop as saying, I don t really give a fuck and I ll take advantage.
0
SPEAKER_00
But like if you pooped, I would never think that because I don t have that issue.
0
SPEAKER_01
Got it.
0
SPEAKER_01
That the poop becomes a metaphor.
0
SPEAKER_00
But honestly, it does, it is a metaphor.
0
SPEAKER_00
Because there are some people, Dax and I have had this, where I m like, we are offended if the other person isn t comfortable.
0
SPEAKER_00
So there s like, the poop says so much about a relationship.
0
SPEAKER_01
The way you poop is the way you do everything, right?
0
SPEAKER_01
The way you poop in a relationship is the way you do everything in a relationship.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay, I love this topic.
0
SPEAKER_01
I love this topic.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay, how many dates
0
SPEAKER_01
Before?
0
SPEAKER_01
Before you fart in front of the person.
0
SPEAKER_00
Never.
0
SPEAKER_00
And that s also a part of the sleeping.
0
SPEAKER_00
Because like, what if you fart in the night and they hear it?
0
SPEAKER_00
I m serious.
0
SPEAKER_00
I even thought that with Callie, my best friend of all time.
0
SPEAKER_00
When we were in the same bed, I was like, we woke up and she was like, so, and I was like, oh no.
0
SPEAKER_00
And she was like, you talked a little in your sleep.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, that s adorable.
0
SPEAKER_00
I was also surprised by, and of course for me, I was nervous because I was like,
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh no, because my sleep has been all weird and the sleep thing for me means seizures if there s weird sleep stuff.
0
SPEAKER_00
And I just got scared like, what did I say?
0
SPEAKER_00
Who knows what I ll say in my sleep?
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, that s super scary.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s scary and revealing.
0
SPEAKER_01
What if you say someone s name or say something that you haven t told them?
0
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
0
SPEAKER_00
Secrets.
0
SPEAKER_00
What if you talk about your secrets?
0
SPEAKER_00
What if you tell your secrets in your sleep or you like tell the person like you hate them or something and then you re in a fight?
0
SPEAKER_00
But no, she was, and I was like, what did I say?
0
SPEAKER_00
And she said, you whispered and it was so clear.
0
SPEAKER_00
So it was strange.
0
SPEAKER_00
Like she said, you said, oh God, oh God, shit.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh wow.
0
SPEAKER_00
I know.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh no.
1
SPEAKER_00
Your little dream, Monica.
1
SPEAKER_00
What was she dealing with?
1
SPEAKER_00
I wondered when she told me that.
1
SPEAKER_00
I couldn t remember having a bad dream.
1
SPEAKER_00
I guess I did.
1
SPEAKER_00
Or something was happening in the dream.
1
SPEAKER_01
Something was challenging.
1
SPEAKER_00
And you remember your dreams-ish, right?
1
SPEAKER_00
Ish.
1
SPEAKER_00
I can remember before I opened my eyes, and then as soon as life starts happening, it starts just fading out.
1
SPEAKER_00
It fades away.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, that s why it s good to keep a notebook next to your, if you want to remember your dreams and stuff like that, keep the notebook next to you and write it down immediately.
1
SPEAKER_00
But yeah, so I talked in my sleep, which was weird, but I was like, but what if I farted?
1
SPEAKER_00
And also if I farted with her, it s fine.
1
SPEAKER_00
But even with her, I went when it was time to poop in the morning, I go to the lobby.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m a lobby pooper.
1
SPEAKER_00
Same.
1
SPEAKER_01
Put a bathroom on every floor.
1
SPEAKER_01
I ll go down the lobby, it s fine, but then the person knows you ve been away for a while.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s my move, even when I m in a relationship.
1
SPEAKER_01
I just don t need to do it there.
1
SPEAKER_01
I want to be alone.
1
SPEAKER_00
Same.
1
SPEAKER_01
But also, now I m grappling with this because you ve brought it up.
1
SPEAKER_01
If you fart in your sleep, how would you know?
1
SPEAKER_01
You don t.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s the problem.
1
SPEAKER_01
How would you know?
1
SPEAKER_01
You don t.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s upsetting.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s really upsetting.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay, also I have another question.
1
SPEAKER_01
I ve never talked about this, but like, you know when— Okay, so when you re spooning, okay?
1
SPEAKER_01
And you need to let one out, okay?
1
SPEAKER_01
In the spoon?
1
SPEAKER_01
In the spoon, because as we ve discussed before, I cannot hold them in.
1
SPEAKER_01
I can do it for a certain amount of time, but after a few minutes... You hit your limit.
1
SPEAKER_01
I hit a limit.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I am really good at letting them out silently.
1
SPEAKER_01
But when I do it, I ve often wondered, can they feel the heat?
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God.
1
SPEAKER_01
Can they feel the heat?
1
SPEAKER_01
Can you?
1
SPEAKER_01
No.
1
SPEAKER_01
I don t think so.
1
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I think so.
1
SPEAKER_01
No.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, are you naked?
1
SPEAKER_01
No, no, no, no, no.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s crazy.
1
SPEAKER_01
I wouldn t do it naked.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s, I mean, that s a lot.
1
SPEAKER_01
If people do it naked, that s fine, but I think that s risky.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
But there s a barrier of clothes.
1
SPEAKER_01
No smell whatsoever.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, the smell is a collateral.
1
SPEAKER_01
I mean, it s just a risk you take.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s scary, Liz.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yes, it is.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s why you get a pet.
1
SPEAKER_00
If there s a smell,
1
SPEAKER_00
They definitely know you just farted on them.
1
SPEAKER_00
And they probably were like, oh yeah, I felt like a little something.
1
SPEAKER_00
And now I smell shit smell.
1
SPEAKER_00
So I think this happened.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh no, I ve been doing it for years.
1
SPEAKER_01
You have?
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God, yes, I ve had to.
1
SPEAKER_01
This is fascinating.
1
SPEAKER_01
Because what am I going to do?
1
SPEAKER_01
What am I going to do?
1
SPEAKER_01
I know.
1
SPEAKER_01
Get up and leave?
1
SPEAKER_01
Go to my house and then come back?
1
SPEAKER_01
I can t do that.
1
SPEAKER_01
Could you go to the other room?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, but like, every time I need to... How often is it happening?
1
SPEAKER_01
Have you farted in here?
1
SPEAKER_00
Probably, probably.
1
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I can t... Wow, I ve never... You ve never farted?
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t think I have.
1
SPEAKER_00
But also, I ve never known you to have farted.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, I ve never been like, oh, like it smells or I heard something farting.
1
SPEAKER_01
We don t hang out indoors that much.
1
SPEAKER_01
But in here.
1
SPEAKER_01
In here.
1
SPEAKER_01
With the mics.
1
SPEAKER_01
With the mics.
1
SPEAKER_01
I feel honored.
1
SPEAKER_01
Same thing as taking a dump in my house.
1
SPEAKER_01
Like, wow.
1
SPEAKER_01
And also peeing in front of me.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s a really big— When I get to that part of a friendship with a woman, I m elated.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh yeah, you were mad that I didn t want you to see my pee.
1
SPEAKER_01
You didn t do it.
1
SPEAKER_01
Is that why?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, in here.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then we ve never had an opportunity to really pee together, but I feel like when it happens, I ll play it cool, but I ll be so happy.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay, this is so weird.
1
SPEAKER_00
Because for me, peeing in front of a girlfriend isn t like, oh, we re just so close that we pee in front of each other.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s not a level to hit for me.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t pee.
1
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I would.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s like if someone walked in, I m not gonna freak out.
1
SPEAKER_00
But if there s a door, I will close it.
1
SPEAKER_00
I ll always close the door.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s true.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay, so this actually brings up a topic that s really important.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay, so not talked about this with anybody, but in the last three weeks, I ve had on two separate occasions,
1
SPEAKER_01
a man pee and not shut the door.
1
SPEAKER_01
Like not pee in front of me that we re in the same room together and you re just peeing in front of me, which actually I would welcome because I do think that s another, that s like a fun, like we re close.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_01
But once I was at someone s house, it was like a semi-date.
1
SPEAKER_01
It was in London, so.
1
SPEAKER_01
Wait, you had a semi-date in London?
1
SPEAKER_01
I had a lot of semi-dates in London.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God.
1
SPEAKER_01
I mean, not a lot, but like I did.
1
SPEAKER_00
You didn t tell me.
1
SPEAKER_01
We kind of had a lot to discuss last time.
1
SPEAKER_01
There was a lot on the docket.
1
SPEAKER_00
Shit.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh shit.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh God.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh God.
1
SPEAKER_01
Shit.
1
SPEAKER_01
So I was at his house.
1
SPEAKER_01
We re hanging out.
1
SPEAKER_01
We re getting to know each other.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then at one point he goes to the bathroom.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m in the living room and I can hear
1
SPEAKER_01
the P. And I can hear that there s not a door that s been closed.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I just was like, how interesting.
1
SPEAKER_01
This has happened to me like a few times where guys—actually like if there are guys, if there are any guys listening.
1
SPEAKER_01
Is it a thing that like men, because they pee in urinals and like they often pee without anything sheltering them, it s just not a thing?
1
SPEAKER_01
Or is it like a power move?
1
SPEAKER_01
I can t, I don t know what it is.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s hard to know.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think it could be a mix.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t think it s a full power move.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think a little bit of it is just laziness and like, who cares?
1
SPEAKER_00
Cause they re not pulling down their whole pants, which I sort of, I didn t just learn this, but.
1
What?
1
SPEAKER_00
On a fact check the other day, Dex was telling us about how he pooped on accident in his pants.
1
SPEAKER_00
And it was while he was peeing.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so I was like, oh, did it get on the floor?
1
SPEAKER_00
And then it kind of led to, I guess I was like, oh, I guess in my head, your pants were like a little down, but they re not.
1
SPEAKER_00
They re just like pulling their dick out.
1
SPEAKER_00
And because they re doing that, maybe it feels like there s less exposure.
1
SPEAKER_00
When we re on the toilet.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God.
1
SPEAKER_00
You just see her full vagina.
1
SPEAKER_00
Your butt, everything.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, pulling your pants down.
1
SPEAKER_00
And you have to wipe and stuff, like they re not doing that.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
So I think for them, because it s so like in and out, it s just like less efficient maybe.
1
SPEAKER_00
But I would say if you re on a first date.
1
SPEAKER_00
I know, I think it s weird.
1
SPEAKER_00
Every time it s happened to me, I feel very weird about it.
1
SPEAKER_00
It feels a little power maybe for you to be at this person s house.
1
SPEAKER_00
Right.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s a first semi-date and they re like, doing the turnip.
1
SPEAKER_00
close the door?
1
SPEAKER_00
Or do you think that they re worried if they close the door, you ll think they ve pooped?
1
SPEAKER_01
I would love that for men.
1
SPEAKER_01
Cause I always think men don t like, that s what women would do.
1
SPEAKER_01
The layer of like what they re going to think and what I m going to do.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then they re going to think this, like we go like through like an entire mathematical equation every time we do anything.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s helped me to be like, men don t.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s not that they re doing something.
1
SPEAKER_01
I ve just learned to not take things that men do personally, because I think that there s not that much, I mean, there s not as much thought put into it often.
1
SPEAKER_01
But I would love that to be- You wish there were more layers.
1
SPEAKER_01
I wish there were more layers, because then I d think, oh my God, that s so cute.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s really interesting.
1
SPEAKER_01
It happened to me another time where he could have gone to a different location, but he just did it next to us.
1
SPEAKER_01
Not next to us, but like kind of- With the door open.
1
SPEAKER_01
It was outdoors.
1
SPEAKER_01
And he could have gone in, but he just kind of did.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, I would never.
1
SPEAKER_01
Imagine you re making out with a guy.
1
SPEAKER_01
You re like, wait a minute, I gotta go pee.
1
SPEAKER_01
And you go in the book- Pee four seconds.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, four seconds away.
1
SPEAKER_01
And like, he hears it.
1
SPEAKER_01
And you re like, maybe that wouldn t gross them out, but like a woman would just never do that.
1
SPEAKER_01
But we have like a certain amount of class to uphold.
1
SPEAKER_01
And men, I don t.
1
SPEAKER_00
They don t have that pressure.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, the peeing outside thing is so funny.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, they do it.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, everyone I know is doing it.
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, not everyone, but a lot.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I do wonder if it s American.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, when I lived in Denmark, what I loved about it is that everyone peed everywhere.
1
SPEAKER_01
Women peed all the time in public.
1
SPEAKER_01
Outside?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
They would have signs about not peeing in public where there was a guy standing and then a woman crouching and an ax on it.
1
SPEAKER_01
You re kidding me.
1
SPEAKER_01
I swear to God.
1
SPEAKER_01
And that was what I loved about it.
1
SPEAKER_01
Because women, again, nothing s perfect, but it is a more gender equal society.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
And one of the things that I loved about it is that men and women can be kind of,
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Women would just crouch.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
I had friends do it in the street.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s also kind of a drinking culture.
1
SPEAKER_01
I feel like maybe that plays into it.
1
SPEAKER_01
Like not in the middle.
1
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I ve never, I never saw like one of my friends do it in the middle of the day.
1
SPEAKER_01
Like, but when we were like, people were drinking like out at night, like women would just pee anywhere.
1
SPEAKER_00
But it s hard to do.
1
SPEAKER_01
I feel like you ve never peed in public.
1
SPEAKER_00
No, I peed in the car in a cup once.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t know the story.
1
SPEAKER_00
I was by myself, thank God.
1
SPEAKER_00
It was so extreme that I had to.
1
SPEAKER_00
Kristen does it.
1
SPEAKER_00
She ll pee in cups.
1
SPEAKER_00
I always think it s so crazy, but it s when they re on road trips and stuff and Dax refuses to pull over basically.
1
SPEAKER_00
So I was stuck in this car and there was no bathroom.
1
SPEAKER_00
So I did it.
1
SPEAKER_00
And it was so weird and hard.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s just like hard to position your body like that.
1
SPEAKER_00
It is.
2
SPEAKER_00
So, not for me.
2
SPEAKER_00
There s tools you can get that turn your, basically your vagina into a penis.
2
SPEAKER_00
What?
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it s like a plastic mechanism.
2
SPEAKER_00
And it means you can like pee anywhere.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yes, I actually, I think during COVID, Molly bought us those.
2
SPEAKER_01
Really?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yes, because we were traveling.
2
SPEAKER_01
in a car trip, and it was scary to stop at rest stops.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yes, COVID.
2
SPEAKER_01
Because we were still afraid to touch anything or be around anything nasty.
2
SPEAKER_01
So it was like, well, maybe we just buy these and then pee on the street.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s cool.
2
SPEAKER_00
But I never used it.
2
SPEAKER_00
You didn t.
2
SPEAKER_00
I think it d be cool if it was like women had that on their key chain or something.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m also fine with no one doing it.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like, go into a bathroom.
2
SPEAKER_00
Right.
2
SPEAKER_00
But they re not always available.
2
SPEAKER_00
They re not always available, I know.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, and that is a sexist thing in itself, because again, it s not just hard to bend that way, but it s also, it can be even dangerous to just pull your pants down.
2
SPEAKER_01
A hundred percent.
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, that s like, you don t want people on the street seeing you exposed like that.
2
SPEAKER_00
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When people come over, I am always just like, especially if we ve had drinks the night before, which we normally do, I pass out the little packs and I say, take this tomorrow.
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And everyone s so happy.
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I talk all the time about how important electrolytes are.
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And Element, it s extra good because it doesn t have any of the extra stuff.
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A lot of the other electrolyte powders and drinks often have sugar or coloring.
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And the other day I just had the worst headache, which I don t actually often get.
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Of course, popped an Element, it went away.
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It s like better than AdMil.
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2
SPEAKER_00
Okay, I feel like I should call David and ask him if he s ever peed in the street.
2
SPEAKER_01
Does he pee standing up?
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, he definitely pees standing up, I think.
2
SPEAKER_01
Actually, I don t know.
2
SPEAKER_01
But I want to know if he, if in New Zealand, men just like pee randomly.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Maybe he s asleep.
2
SPEAKER_01
He might be swimming.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m sorry.
2
SPEAKER_00
Leave it on voicemail.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, I should ve.
2
SPEAKER_00
Or it could be an audio note, so he can respond.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh yeah, that s a good idea.
2
SPEAKER_01
Hey David, I m with Liz, we re recording Synced and we have a question for you.
2
SPEAKER_01
Do men in New Zealand pee randomly, like pee in bushes and stuff?
2
SPEAKER_01
Like you re at a barbecue and then just like over and one of the guys is just peeing in a bush instead of going four feet to the bathroom.
2
SPEAKER_01
Are they doing that in New Zealand as much as they re doing it in America?
2
SPEAKER_01
It s very common in America and we wanna know if it s cultural.
2
SPEAKER_01
So let us know.
2
SPEAKER_01
They love it.
2
SPEAKER_01
TBD.
2
SPEAKER_01
Some guys pee sitting down.
2
SPEAKER_01
I know.
2
SPEAKER_00
I know.
2
SPEAKER_01
Because it s cleaner.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well Jess does.
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t know if he does it because it s cleaner.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_01
But should I call him and ask?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
Just call all the boys we know and ask them questions.
2
SPEAKER_01
Wait, this is so funny because they re recording F1 right now.
2
SPEAKER_01
Should I call?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yes!
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh yes, that would be so funny.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay, hold on.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s a good focus group.
2
SPEAKER_00
This is the most— You know how I m like, this is like a slumber party?
2
SPEAKER_00
I feel like calling boys we know on the phone while we hang out is— We ve reached peak slumber party vibes.
2
SPEAKER_01
I ll try Charlie after.
2
SPEAKER_01
Right.
2
SPEAKER_01
One of them will pick up.
2
SPEAKER_01
They re gonna think Kristen died or something.
2
SPEAKER_01
Right?
2
SPEAKER_01
They said they re in the middle of death.
2
SPEAKER_01
They re covering something right now on the Zoom.
2
SPEAKER_01
Is it important?
2
SPEAKER_00
It s really important.
2
SPEAKER_00
Is it important?
2
SPEAKER_00
They re on airplane mode.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s what I do when we record sometimes.
2
SPEAKER_00
And it rings like that for half a second?
2
SPEAKER_00
It does.
2
SPEAKER_00
I think, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s usually airplane.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, okay.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m going to try Matt.
2
SPEAKER_00
I weirdly had a dream about Matt.
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, the other day I dreamt— I didn t tell you, but it made no sense.
2
SPEAKER_00
I dreamt that we were drinking wine, but you poured the wine in a measuring cup.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then Matt had like amazing hair.
2
SPEAKER_00
It was like glistening in the wind.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, oh my God.
2
SPEAKER_00
And that s all I remember.
2
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
2
SPEAKER_00
But there were other things, but I didn t write it down immediately, so I forgot.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God.
2
SPEAKER_00
He s a responsible voice.
2
SPEAKER_01
If I had Jethro s number, I would call him too.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m going to try Dax again one more time.
2
SPEAKER_01
Email me.
2
SPEAKER_01
Email me.
2
SPEAKER_01
Hey, I m gonna call Rob.
2
SPEAKER_01
Good, yes.
2
SPEAKER_01
Go to the source.
2
SPEAKER_01
He s texting me.
2
SPEAKER_01
I can try to cut in with Jessica.
2
SPEAKER_01
Finishes.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_01
They ll call us?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Tell them it s extremely important.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s extremely important.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay, TBD on all of our friends.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like, what the fuck?
2
SPEAKER_01
They re trying to be so serious.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s Monday morning.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s Monday morning.
2
SPEAKER_01
Get with the program.
2
SPEAKER_01
Why are they all working?
2
SPEAKER_01
It s post-sleepover time.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, until then, what do we leave?
2
SPEAKER_01
Dangles.
2
SPEAKER_01
Dingle dangles.
2
SPEAKER_00
Dingle dangles.
2
SPEAKER_00
Sleeping in same bedrooms.
2
SPEAKER_00
Farts.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_01
But how do you feel about sleeping in separate bedrooms as a couple?
2
SPEAKER_01
But cuddling, like having that intimate moment, and then you just go into the other room.
2
SPEAKER_00
Go into the other room.
2
SPEAKER_01
I think this is actually a common question.
2
SPEAKER_00
I am very, it would be hypocritical for me to be against it because in most of the relationships I ve been in, when there was another bed available, my ex had like an extra bedroom.
2
SPEAKER_00
And so I would go, not all the time, but there were certain, almost like periods where I just wasn t sleeping as well or there d be more stressed out.
2
SPEAKER_00
Or like if we were fighting or like, I would not be able to fall asleep or have trouble sleeping or wake up in the middle of the night and just go to the other room.
2
SPEAKER_00
And so, I ve done that and I love it.
2
SPEAKER_00
And so, it would be hypocritical for me to like not.
2
SPEAKER_01
But when you re fighting, that s one thing.
2
SPEAKER_01
Then it s reasonable to be like, I m going to the other room now.
2
SPEAKER_00
Right.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like when your dad sleeps on the couch and it s like, oh, they re definitely getting divorced.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s bad.
2
SPEAKER_00
Not a good, yes, very core stressful memory.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yes, yes.
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t know because I m not in love with anyone.
2
SPEAKER_01
But if I was, it
2
SPEAKER_01
It might be nice to look over and see them in the night.
2
SPEAKER_01
It is nice.
2
SPEAKER_00
I prefer, my preference is that we sleep in the same bed.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh.
2
SPEAKER_00
For us to sleep well together and be in the same rhythm.
2
SPEAKER_00
But has it ever happened where you sleep well?
2
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_00
No, yes.
2
SPEAKER_00
My long-term relationships, I slept well.
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, look, let s be fucking honest.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s the best feeling to wake up next to someone.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s so nice.
2
SPEAKER_00
First thing in the morning to cuddle and to like be close to someone else.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s so wonderful.
2
SPEAKER_00
That being said, when I did go and sleep in the other room, like, I did feel that it hurt their feelings a little bit.
2
SPEAKER_00
Even if there was a good reason, even if it, like, I think if there were too many nights in a row where I needed to do it, they would start being anxious about it.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I, and if I was in the same shoe, if she was in the same foot, foot in, we were foot, foots in a row,
3
SPEAKER_03
I think I would also start to, like, wonder, you know?
3
SPEAKER_03
Or it would make me feel like, did I do something?
3
SPEAKER_03
Or am I farting in my sleep?
3
SPEAKER_03
Right.
3
SPEAKER_03
You know?
3
SPEAKER_04
If you are farting in your sleep, though, like, how are you going to stop that?
3
SPEAKER_03
What is that even?
3
SPEAKER_03
Can anyone let us know, if you fart in your sleep, how did that conversation go with your partner?
3
SPEAKER_03
Because I think that s great.
3
SPEAKER_03
If I heard my partner fart in their sleep, I would just be giggling.
3
SPEAKER_03
Farts are so funny to me.
3
SPEAKER_03
I know.
3
SPEAKER_03
I guess it s like, if you re in love with a person, it s all funny and great.
3
SPEAKER_04
It s when you re not in love.
3
SPEAKER_04
Oh, they re calling.
3
SPEAKER_04
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_04
Oh, they re gonna FaceTime.
3
SPEAKER_03
Okay, I m gonna video you.
3
SPEAKER_04
Hi, guys.
3
SPEAKER_00
Good morning.
3
SPEAKER_00
Good morning.
3
SPEAKER_04
Hello.
3
SPEAKER_04
I tried calling all of you.
3
SPEAKER_00
We are recording an episode.
3
SPEAKER_04
I know, I know, but I thought—so are we.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I thought it would be a fun— Yeah, I m just only thinking about we didn t see your call.
3
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, I know.
3
SPEAKER_04
I had to involve Rob.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, you did a good job.
3
SPEAKER_00
Good job, Wabi.
3
SPEAKER_04
Good job, Wabi.
3
SPEAKER_04
We want to do a little crossover, because we have a really important question, and there s now four boys together, so we could ask.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, okay, yeah, so you timed this perfectly.
3
SPEAKER_04
Why is it, how do we say it without it being rude?
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay, is it- Any question with this much lead up is gonna be good.
3
SPEAKER_04
We re talking about men peeing and why you guys sometimes don t close the door and is it a power move or is it- When you re with a woman.
3
SPEAKER_04
And not someone you like know really, really well.
3
SPEAKER_04
not closing the door or just like walking four steps to pee outside in front of the woman instead of going into a bathroom.
3
SPEAKER_04
Is it just like pure efficiency or is it a little bit of a power move or is there no thinking behind it?
3
SPEAKER_01
Or is there no thinking behind it?
3
SPEAKER_01
There s no thinking, it s efficiency.
3
SPEAKER_01
We didn t have to disrobe and sit down and be in a compromised position to pee.
3
SPEAKER_01
We could just literally stand up, unset pee.
3
SPEAKER_00
The door thing for me, I know it very well, because there s often people in our house, as you know, Monica.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I m going to be in and out of there in like 26 seconds.
3
SPEAKER_00
So closing and opening the door, it s like, oh, I can get this done before I need to do that.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s just one step I don t want to take.
3
SPEAKER_01
You re hidden too, because you re facing into the toilet, versus when you sit down, you re facing out.
3
SPEAKER_04
But what about outside?
3
SPEAKER_04
Outside, you guys are exposed.
3
SPEAKER_04
We can hear your pee.
3
SPEAKER_00
We don t face you guys when we pee outside.
3
SPEAKER_00
We face a bush or a tree.
3
SPEAKER_00
Two things.
3
SPEAKER_00
One, it 100% is not a power move at all.
3
SPEAKER_00
There s no, like, I m peeing on a tree like a dog.
3
SPEAKER_00
But there 100% is the 3% in your mind fantasy that somehow the woman s going to be so intrigued by the notion that your penis is out that maybe she ll get excited and want to come.
3
SPEAKER_03
That s what I knew it to.
3
SPEAKER_03
I knew it.
3
SPEAKER_00
There is a perviness part to it, but not a powerness part to it.
3
SPEAKER_00
Charlie s furrowing his brow.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if I pee to entice someone, I don t think.
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, you don t do it, too.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m more saying you re there, someone s close, your dong s out, and you think, well, I m a guy.
3
SPEAKER_00
If there was boobs out around the corner, I d be intrigued.
3
SPEAKER_00
You re hopeful at all times someone might get horny for you.
3
SPEAKER_04
Is Jethro there?
3
SPEAKER_04
Because I want to know if this is American.
3
SPEAKER_00
So Jethro, I m going to have to repeat his answer because he s in an earpiece.
3
SPEAKER_00
So is this American, Jethro?
3
SPEAKER_00
I would say it s slightly American.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
3
SPEAKER_00
When he first got to the US and went on shoots, he was surprised how close men would choose to pee.
3
SPEAKER_00
Boy, if anyone exemplified that, it was me on top here.
3
SPEAKER_00
No, Jethro?
3
SPEAKER_00
I had to pee nonstop.
3
SPEAKER_00
Jethro pees a lot as well, he says.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh yeah, he said I would open the door and pee right outside the door of the car if we were like in a field.
3
SPEAKER_00
He said Brits would generally walk 15 paces.
3
SPEAKER_04
Okay, so still not asking anyone, is there a restroom?
3
SPEAKER_00
No, we don t need a restroom.
3
SPEAKER_03
I have a question.
3
SPEAKER_03
So if a woman, if I were to do that, like walk a few feet away from you, crouch down and pee, is there a world where that turns you on?
3
SPEAKER_03
Of course.
3
SPEAKER_03
Right?
3
SPEAKER_00
Wait, wait, back up.
3
SPEAKER_00
I missed something.
3
SPEAKER_00
What did Liz say?
3
SPEAKER_04
She said if she or a woman was around a bunch of men and walked 15 paces and then crouched down and peed, is that a turn on?
3
SPEAKER_04
And I said, I m sure.
3
SPEAKER_04
What do you-
3
SPEAKER_00
Naked.
3
SPEAKER_00
Drop a trap.
3
SPEAKER_00
But even if they re peeing, like, is it, doesn t it feel like... Yeah, it shows you re, like, down to party and you re playful.
3
SPEAKER_00
You re not uptight.
3
SPEAKER_00
I think it s badass that you do that.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay, we gotta vote for badass.
3
SPEAKER_02
It would be, like, that s a gangster move.
3
SPEAKER_00
You re just... If you took a shit, I would be like, let s get married.
3
SPEAKER_00
If you took a shit in the woods 15 feet from a bunch of guys, I d be like, I need to find a ring store.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay, Charlie said, maybe not a turn-on every time, but intriguing.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I think, minimally, we could all agree.
3
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, but that s like, for me, that s so, oh, this is a cool girl.
3
SPEAKER_04
Like, that feels so, I hate you guys.
3
SPEAKER_04
Oh, wow.
3
SPEAKER_04
Like, it s like, oh, you re falling for this very, very dumb trap of like, oh, that s a cool girl because they ll pee in front of you.
3
SPEAKER_00
No, no, I said think of dumb.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s like, now you re dealing with a unicorn.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, well, both.
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean, you- We gotta find out more about this gal.
3
SPEAKER_03
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_03
What if she pees at your house and leaves the door open while she pees?
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, I love it.
3
SPEAKER_00
Love it.
3
SPEAKER_00
You love it, Charlie?
3
SPEAKER_00
Weirdly enough, Matt loves that.
3
SPEAKER_02
Oh.
3
SPEAKER_02
It s not a sexual thing for me.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s not a sexual thing.
3
SPEAKER_02
I m not going to be turned on if you pee outside, but I m going to be impressed
3
SPEAKER_00
that you just do it, you just don t give a shit.
3
SPEAKER_00
There s a confidence, there s a confidence, there s a knowing oneself.
3
SPEAKER_00
There s a lot being relayed, it s confidence.
3
SPEAKER_00
I am reverse engineering this gal is up for everything.
3
SPEAKER_04
I know, that s the part that s annoying to me.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay, that s fair.
3
SPEAKER_04
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_00
Aren t you looking for clues that your potential sexual partner doesn t have a lot of hang-ups and shyness and that it s going to be a playful, exploratory, boundless experience?
3
SPEAKER_00
Aren t we all looking for those clues?
3
SPEAKER_04
It s a false clue.
3
SPEAKER_00
To be fair to her, you have to say that it s not a performance for her.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s who she is.
3
SPEAKER_01
And also I think it goes in line with something that would be walking around naked after a shower versus throwing a towel out in a robe and being covered.
3
SPEAKER_01
behavior and comfort level.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t think they re trying to prove a point by peeing, but there s just some people that will leave the door open, they ll also walk around naked, they re more free, and then there s people that won t.
3
SPEAKER_04
They ll always have to do it.
3
SPEAKER_04
That s true.
3
SPEAKER_04
I guess it depends on the timeline of the relationship.
3
SPEAKER_04
For me, if someone s doing this on date one or not even a date, that s a clue to me that they re, yes, trying to be one of the boys or trying to get, like, they re doing something explicit.
3
SPEAKER_04
But if it s someone you ve been dating, that s a different thing.
3
SPEAKER_04
Okay, one last question, then I will let you guys talk about cars.
3
SPEAKER_04
Do you think it s not masculine to close the door?
3
SPEAKER_04
No.
3
SPEAKER_01
No, I sit down and pee sometimes.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, wow.
3
SPEAKER_02
A few years ago, I saw a friend sitting down to pee and I was like, what?
3
SPEAKER_02
You sit down to pee and he s like, yeah, it s so much more comfortable.
3
SPEAKER_02
And then I started doing it at night because I want to stay as asleep as I can.
3
SPEAKER_02
And now I ve started doing it sometimes just like Charlie.
3
SPEAKER_02
I m lazy.
3
SPEAKER_02
So I m like, I m going to sit down.
3
SPEAKER_02
I m not lazy.
3
SPEAKER_02
I just want a break.
3
SPEAKER_02
I just need a break sometimes.
3
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
3
SPEAKER_00
All right.
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, I love that this is, we now know this is an option.
3
SPEAKER_00
We should probably always record at the same time.
3
SPEAKER_04
This is pretty fun, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
We love you guys.
3
SPEAKER_04
Okay, love you.
3
SPEAKER_00
Bye.
3
SPEAKER_00
Bye.
3
SPEAKER_04
Wow, that was funny.
3
SPEAKER_04
Oh, and then also David has texted.
3
SPEAKER_04
Oh, man, everyone s coming in hot.
3
SPEAKER_04
Yep.
3
SPEAKER_04
All right, let s see.
3
SPEAKER_05
Hi, I can t speak
3
SPEAKER_05
But in general, you don t just wee in the bushes.
3
SPEAKER_05
You d go and use the bathroom.
3
SPEAKER_05
It s sort of the polite thing to do.
3
SPEAKER_05
We re not...
3
SPEAKER_05
letting rip everywhere.
3
SPEAKER_05
I mean, there is an issue if you re out, you know, on the town and you ve had a few beers or wines, and, you know, often we walk home in New Zealand with big walkers, and sometimes there isn t a bathroom on the way.
3
SPEAKER_05
We ll occasionally find a bush, something like that, but gotta be careful, because that s indecent exposure.
3
SPEAKER_05
You could be arrested, so with caution.
3
SPEAKER_05
But generally, if we re at someone s house, we use the bathroom or the toilet and not the garden.
3
SPEAKER_04
He s the most proper response it is.
3
SPEAKER_03
But okay, I think between Jethro and David, it s more American.
3
SPEAKER_03
Yes, it is.
3
SPEAKER_03
Wow.
3
SPEAKER_03
It s like American masculinity, I think, is fascinating.
3
SPEAKER_03
It is.
3
SPEAKER_03
It s so different, and there s facets of it everywhere.
3
SPEAKER_03
It s not like it s this— America, in many senses, is like a parody.
3
SPEAKER_03
It s like taking
4
SPEAKER_01
normal things and supersizing them.
4
SPEAKER_01
And to me, it s like supersized masculinity.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Is that.
4
SPEAKER_01
Because when the guy peed, I was like, that is a turn off.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m hearing his pee.
4
SPEAKER_01
Even when I have to go pee at a guy s house and the bathroom is really close, I ll try not to make a lot of pee noise.
4
SPEAKER_01
Same.
4
SPEAKER_01
Same.
4
SPEAKER_01
I try to hit, I try to aim it.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
For the back of the toilet.
4
SPEAKER_01
Exactly.
4
SPEAKER_01
Or sometimes I ll put a little Kleenex down there.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh, I ve heard about that trick.
4
SPEAKER_01
Doesn t make as much something to absorb.
4
SPEAKER_01
Something to absorb the sound, the liquid.
4
SPEAKER_01
So it s so funny that they would think that might turn us on.
4
SPEAKER_01
I mean, it might turn someone on, but that is so funny.
4
SPEAKER_00
Man.
4
SPEAKER_01
Complex.
4
SPEAKER_00
We re learning a lot.
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SPEAKER_00
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Okay, you know that we are on a mission to kind of always find the best way to make us feel good.
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Feel good.
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Feel healthy.
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On the inside, on the outside.
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Exactly.
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Yes.
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That s like my main goal basically.
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That was one of the first things she wanted me to do for my immune system.
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And it s incredible.
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I mean, I ve noticed it for my skin and my nails.
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Like, I have really brittle nails and they re already, like, getting strong.
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And it s just, yeah, for immune system, especially this time of year, every morning, I just put a scoop in my mouth and I just take it.
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And sometimes I ll take more throughout the day if I m feeling like a little, you know, on the weak side.
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Okay, we do have some questions we need to get to, so let s do it.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t know how we landed there.
4
SPEAKER_01
Every episode is like the fun little snakes and ladders.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God, one is about pooping, but we did talk about it a lot.
4
SPEAKER_00
So let s do this.
4
SPEAKER_00
This is fun.
4
SPEAKER_00
Handling narcissistic friends.
4
SPEAKER_00
This is from Victoria.
4
SPEAKER_00
Hi Monica and Liz, I m a long time armchair and love you both.
4
SPEAKER_00
Listening to Sync is a highlight of my week.
4
SPEAKER_00
Your celebration of mental health and your transparency with therapy led me to starting therapy last year.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I m so grateful for you two and Dax for inspiring that decision.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yay, love that.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay, now to my question.
4
SPEAKER_00
My college girlfriends and I have been out of school for about a decade.
4
SPEAKER_00
We ve always had a really great group dynamic and always make an effort despite distance as we settle into our lives in very distant cities to get together a few times a year.
4
SPEAKER_00
In the past, these relationships have always been very grounding and rejuvenating.
4
SPEAKER_00
Over the years, one of my friends has grown increasingly self-involved and narcissistic, or it s possible I just never saw it before.
4
SPEAKER_00
She s always been a big talker, but now when we get together, it seems like we are all there to just play audience to her endless rambling.
4
SPEAKER_00
If someone else starts talking, she immediately looks at her phone and is always bringing the conversation back to herself.
4
SPEAKER_00
A few years ago when I got engaged, while I was very excited to share that with my friends, the conversation would always go back to her engagement and wedding plans.
4
SPEAKER_00
Note, she was not engaged at this time.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh, weird.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
After a year and a half of struggling with fertility issues, I m finally pregnant.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yay!
4
SPEAKER_00
Congratulations!
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh, I love this.
4
SPEAKER_00
I hadn t told the group much about my fertility issues since I miscarried the previous year and was very excited to talk about this with my girlfriends.
4
SPEAKER_00
When I did, she took over the conversation to talk about how her and her non-husband started trying last month.
4
SPEAKER_00
And she had a really hard time when she got her period.
4
SPEAKER_00
The rest of the discussion was about her fertility process.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m finding her narcissism really difficult to navigate as my exciting milestones and struggles always become about her.
4
SPEAKER_00
Do you have any advice on how to handle a friend like this?
4
SPEAKER_00
How do you handle outgrowing someone when you re part of a group?
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t wanna lose the dynamic we have or important relationships, but I find being around her empties my cup rather than fills it like she used to.
4
SPEAKER_00
She s not someone who is open to criticism or real conversation where I could address the issue, so I m not sure what to do.
4
SPEAKER_00
Any thoughts would be appreciated.
4
SPEAKER_00
Love, a hurt friend.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m sorry, Victoria.
4
SPEAKER_00
I almost think in some ways you re protected by the group and that you can start leaning on some of the others, pivoting a little bit towards some of the other people instead of her for these types of needs you have, which are normal friendship needs, just talking about your life and your experiences and maybe doing more like one-on-ones with some of these other women in the group.
4
SPEAKER_00
to build that relationship up a little more.
4
SPEAKER_00
I also think in group dynamics, there has to be a lot of acceptance for every single person knowing what they each come with.
4
SPEAKER_00
Everyone comes with their own baggage and a bunch of bad stuff.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s also really tempting for the rest of the group to then like pile on when one person s doing something that people don t like, but it ll be you at some point too.
4
SPEAKER_00
And it ll be somebody else s.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like there s always something.
4
SPEAKER_00
For me anyway, it s really helpful to just have acceptance.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like when she does the thing, you know, she s going to do, you knew she was going to do it.
4
SPEAKER_00
You just accept.
4
SPEAKER_00
that about her.
4
SPEAKER_00
It doesn t mean you have to, like, make her your best friend, or you can definitely have boundaries around your personal relationship with her, but it won t maybe stir you up as much if you can just say, that s just who she is.
4
SPEAKER_01
Everything you re saying is right.
4
SPEAKER_01
I think if she truly is, again, we re not in the business of diagnosing anyone, but if there is some narcissism there, it s very difficult.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s not just, oh, this person is self-absorbed.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like, they re not just an asshole.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s different.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s hard to have any sort of interaction.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_01
And it s disorienting.
4
SPEAKER_01
They can also tend to be manipulative or deceptive or do things, for me, were not even on my radar.
4
SPEAKER_01
All this to say that, you know, and we say this a lot, I think, on the show, of bringing it back to yourself, too, here, which is that, sure, being able to label what s going on is super helpful.
4
SPEAKER_01
Being able to label how you re feeling about it is really helpful.
4
SPEAKER_01
confiding in others as well.
4
SPEAKER_01
But what can you control in this situation?
4
SPEAKER_01
And one thing that I know that I had to work on, and even this came up in therapy with someone that I was dating, I was like, whenever we were kind of in a group setting, he would just take up all of the oxygen, so to speak.
4
SPEAKER_01
In some situations, I didn t mind it, and in others, it was really hurtful because it was being around work people who I m trying to, you know, whatever.
4
SPEAKER_01
And anyway, so there were instances where it became less tolerable for me.
4
SPEAKER_01
And she was like, why aren t you speaking?
4
SPEAKER_01
Why are you letting this person dictate where the oxygen and the oxygen go?
4
SPEAKER_01
Yes, exactly.
4
SPEAKER_01
And so I had to take ownership over my own actions and how, obviously, it s not to blame you for these situations that you re in and these conversations that you re stuck in with her, but you don t have to be in a conversation that you don t want to be in.
4
SPEAKER_01
You don t have to talk about things that you don t want to talk about.
4
SPEAKER_01
And so remembering that you have agency and connecting to that and acting accordingly, I think will make this situation a lot more tenable for you.
4
SPEAKER_01
But that might also come with consequences, right?
4
SPEAKER_01
Like if you re not just playing along with this person, they might get upset or annoyed or angry.
4
SPEAKER_01
So obviously, I m not saying this is a risk-free situation.
4
SPEAKER_01
And in certain instances, it s just about removing yourself.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s not about necessarily being like, hey, you ve been talking about this for an hour and like, you don t even need to confront them.
4
SPEAKER_01
You can remove yourself.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m in a much better headspace when I remember my part and I don t need to do the dance.
4
SPEAKER_01
Narcissists need empathetic and sort of kind.
4
SPEAKER_01
There s two parts.
4
SPEAKER_00
They re magnetic.
4
SPEAKER_01
Exactly.
4
SPEAKER_01
They re like magnets.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
Knowing about that dynamic is also, I think, really important for people who find themselves in
5
SPEAKER_00
Because often it s not an accident.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like, it s not.
5
SPEAKER_00
I know.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s a hard part of it to be like, oh, wow, there s a part that I play in this dynamic and I can change that.
5
SPEAKER_01
I think that s potentially more common for a strong one-on-one relationship.
5
SPEAKER_00
Sure.
5
SPEAKER_01
Than a group.
5
SPEAKER_01
Which I do think is very helpful because I think a lot of people listening perhaps are in one-on-one relationships with narcissistic people.
5
SPEAKER_01
So this is all really helpful.
5
SPEAKER_01
A group setting is a bit different.
5
SPEAKER_01
And also remembering that not everyone in the group has to be the same level of connection.
5
SPEAKER_01
And it s sad.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s sad when relationships change and evolve, but to like mourn that for yourself, that this relationship has moved into a different
5
SPEAKER_01
category, maybe a much more surface category, a person you can t go to and expect empathetic reaction and know which friends can give you that and understand that one can t and maybe they re good for something else and you can go to them for that.
5
SPEAKER_01
Maybe they re really fun and you can go have fun with them, but they can t be the person who gives you what you need emotionally.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it s really about acceptance.
5
SPEAKER_00
If you can get there, it s like 90%
5
SPEAKER_00
And it s hard.
5
SPEAKER_00
And my comment about changing your part, it s not that it s going to change them.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s just that it s going to modify your own experience, but you can t change how they re, you know, and again, particularly with these kinds of characteristics and qualities, they can change.
5
SPEAKER_00
I do think it s possible, but you can t do that for them.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
Good question.
5
SPEAKER_00
Great question.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_01
Let s see.
5
SPEAKER_01
What s next?
5
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_01
Looking through your spouse s phone.
5
SPEAKER_01
Ooh.
5
SPEAKER_01
Emma.
5
SPEAKER_01
We get so many.
5
SPEAKER_01
We haven t had Emma s or again, it s all our friend, Emma.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
5
SPEAKER_01
I m just curious about your thoughts about going through your spouse s phone.
5
SPEAKER_01
I ve been with my spouse for over 10 years and genuinely have nothing to hide.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yet it makes me feel angry when he goes through my phone.
5
SPEAKER_01
He can look all he wants.
5
SPEAKER_01
I m not doing anything wrong.
5
SPEAKER_01
But the fact that he still feels the need to look bothers me deeply.
5
SPEAKER_01
I m allowed to look through his phone, but I trust him and so I have no desire to.
5
SPEAKER_01
Last week, it occurred to me that he might do it way more than I m aware of.
5
SPEAKER_01
He asked me about a person that was in my Facebook search history that he discovered while I was asleep.
5
SPEAKER_01
I know if I ask him to stop, he will take it like I m trying to hide something, but I m tired of not being trusted after doing nothing to deserve it.
5
SPEAKER_01
I also want him to feel secure in our relationship, but this is really starting to get to me.
5
SPEAKER_01
Thanks.
5
SPEAKER_01
This is an incredible question.
5
SPEAKER_01
And we could talk about it for 17 hours, I think.
5
SPEAKER_01
I do think a lot of people who you ask this to will have differing opinions on it.
5
SPEAKER_01
So obviously we aren t the end all, be all.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I have really strong opinions about privacy.
5
SPEAKER_01
No one can look at my phone.
5
SPEAKER_01
Same.
5
SPEAKER_01
You can t look at it.
5
SPEAKER_01
I m sorry.
5
SPEAKER_01
Obviously I m single.
5
SPEAKER_01
So I m not trying to hide something from a spouse.
5
SPEAKER_01
But even with that, I don t want you to look through my phone.
5
SPEAKER_01
I don t want anyone to look through my phone.
5
SPEAKER_01
is mine.
5
SPEAKER_01
So private.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s so private.
5
SPEAKER_01
Just because you re in a relationship doesn t mean people have full, full, full access to every single thing about your life.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m not interested.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like, no.
5
SPEAKER_00
I ve never wanted to look in someone s phone.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
any person, but people I ve been in long-term relationships with, I don t want to see your phone.
5
SPEAKER_00
And even sometimes when they would show me something, I almost feel uncomfortable when someone shows me something on their phone, because I m like, ooh, this is your text might come in.
5
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
5
SPEAKER_00
And it s yours.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s like your diary.
5
SPEAKER_01
I know.
5
SPEAKER_01
But even more intense.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, even when someone the other day was showing me something on their phone, like a picture, and they re like, you can scroll.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, I don t want to scroll.
5
SPEAKER_00
I would never.
5
SPEAKER_00
My mom always says this.
5
SPEAKER_00
My mom is such a snoop.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like, we literally call her Snoopy.
5
SPEAKER_00
Really?
5
SPEAKER_00
Because my mom is so invasive.
5
SPEAKER_00
Have I told you this story?
5
SPEAKER_00
At Christmas a few years ago, when Mila, my niece, was like three or something.
5
SPEAKER_00
We were all downstairs.
5
SPEAKER_00
We had open presents.
5
SPEAKER_00
Mila was upstairs.
5
SPEAKER_00
And all of a sudden we hear this loud bang and like crying.
5
SPEAKER_00
Mila clearly had fallen off something, a bed or something like that.
5
SPEAKER_00
And so we all go running up.
5
SPEAKER_00
We re like, oh my God, we take care of her.
5
SPEAKER_00
We just kiss her boo-boo.
5
SPEAKER_00
My dad and my sister are like playing with her.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I eventually like start coming down.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I come down to my mom who didn t come up, which is fine, whatever, there s three of us.
5
SPEAKER_00
And then my phone is three feet away from her.
5
SPEAKER_00
The screen is on.
5
SPEAKER_00
No.
5
SPEAKER_00
So I know she looked at it because the screen obviously was not like, and she s so bad at technology.
5
SPEAKER_00
This is the funniest part.
5
SPEAKER_00
She s the worst FBI agent.
5
SPEAKER_00
Cause she is like a boomer, you know, who doesn t know about technology trying to pull off this kind of stuff.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I take my phone.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m already like, what the fuck did she do?
5
SPEAKER_00
And then I opened my texts and my texts are like, scroll down.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I obviously confronted her.
5
SPEAKER_00
I was like, mom, why did she do that?
5
SPEAKER_00
I mean, 17 hours of that could go into, but I think it s fear and wanting to know.
5
SPEAKER_00
Was she looking for something specific?
5
SPEAKER_00
She s just always been worried about
5
SPEAKER_00
about us.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like I think she s just, this is a very dysfunctional way of doing that, but it s like monitoring and trying to know what s going on.
5
SPEAKER_00
And so now I refuse, even when we re like on a family vacation or like she s like, oh, I want to see the photos.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m like, I will send them to you.
5
SPEAKER_00
I don t give her my phone.
5
SPEAKER_00
And then once, because I knew that she did this, I was dating someone and I told him a story and he was like, let s do a prank on her.
5
SPEAKER_00
And it was Christmas, it was a Christmas after that.
5
SPEAKER_00
And so then I changed his name to Barack Obama in my phone.
5
SPEAKER_00
And then I gave her my phone to add photos.
5
SPEAKER_00
And then I told him to text me at that time.
5
SPEAKER_00
And then it said, you know, we re really interested in you running.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like it was like a thing before the election.
5
SPEAKER_00
And she, to her credit, never said anything about it, but she probably still thinks that Barack Obama is texting me.
5
SPEAKER_00
So anyway, don t look at people s phones.
5
SPEAKER_00
Don t look at people s phones, no matter what your relationship to them is.
5
SPEAKER_00
I just think it s a sign.
5
SPEAKER_00
If you do feel this impulse to check their phone, it s not about the phone, it s about something in the relationship.
5
SPEAKER_00
And like, go find that.
5
SPEAKER_00
What does make you nervous?
5
SPEAKER_01
But this is hard, though, right?
5
SPEAKER_01
Because, like, she s not the one doing it.
5
SPEAKER_01
So we have to help her figure out how to address this with him.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I do understand that that s complicated, because if you say, hey, I want my phone to be mine, it feels a little bit intrusive that you are always looking at it.
5
SPEAKER_01
For some reason, he is waiting to be mad about this.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yes, that s such a good point.
5
SPEAKER_01
That s part of why people are doing this.
5
SPEAKER_01
They re looking for a reason to be upset or to prove something to themselves.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yes, exactly.
5
SPEAKER_01
I knew she wasn t trustworthy or I knew my instinct was right.
5
SPEAKER_01
So it s complicated because if you then say, I don t want you to look at it, he ll be like, why?
5
SPEAKER_01
Because I know because you re doing something and that s why I have to look at it.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, that s such a good point.
5
SPEAKER_01
So this is hard.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like, I don t actually know— I m trying to think, what would I do?
5
SPEAKER_00
I also think the way that someone is about their phone— Maybe the reason why I ve never been like, show me your phone is that—
5
SPEAKER_00
I ve not been with people who were like cagey about it.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I think the fact that they were so willing to leave their phone out, and I was too, that probably played a part.
5
SPEAKER_00
But if I was with someone who was being weird about their phone, maybe then I would become that person that I m like, I m not like that.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s true.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like, yeah, if you were with someone and he s weird about his phone, then you re like, what are you hiding?
5
SPEAKER_01
Here s the truth.
5
SPEAKER_01
If they re hiding something on their phone, which means in their life, what happens then?
5
SPEAKER_01
Then I find out and then we break up.
5
SPEAKER_01
I ll probably find out another way, a real way that this isn t the person for me.
5
SPEAKER_01
I think maybe something to say is, hey, I think we need to talk about this because I m finding myself building some resentments around this dynamic with the phone.
5
SPEAKER_01
Again, like make it about you.
5
SPEAKER_01
When you re looking through my phone and then questioning me, I feel like I ve done something wrong and I haven t.
5
SPEAKER_01
And so then I m left feeling inadequate or like I m doing something wrong and I m not.
5
SPEAKER_01
And that s such a hard place for me to be.
5
SPEAKER_01
So can we figure this out?
5
SPEAKER_01
Because it s not comfortable for me.
5
SPEAKER_01
Right.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s like a projection of his.
5
SPEAKER_00
It is.
5
SPEAKER_00
And it s really important for you not to take on that.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s not your task.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like, again, if you were like, yeah, I ve cheated before, even then you re not cheating on him and you re not doing anything.
5
SPEAKER_00
And so this is his issue.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s not yours.
5
SPEAKER_00
He s making it about you, but it s based on previous experiences or core wounds or whatever.
5
SPEAKER_00
He s putting that on you, but it s actually his issue.
5
SPEAKER_00
And to your point, I think it s saying like, I feel uncomfortable
5
SPEAKER_00
And I feel like I m being indicted over something that maybe happened to you before in a previous relationship, but it s not happening in this relationship.
5
SPEAKER_00
How can we reassure you so that you re not doing that?
5
SPEAKER_01
And I do feel that if people are, this is complicated, but if you are with someone who you know has cheated,
5
SPEAKER_01
before or with other people or whatever, like, you know, that s in the history.
5
SPEAKER_01
And so you feel not just protective, but you feel entitled to have full access.
5
SPEAKER_01
I really understand that impulse, but I don t think it s helpful.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
I don t think it s actually helpful to be monitoring your partner ever.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
And also, again, searching for evidence, it doesn t breed
6
SPEAKER_02
healthy, equal relationship.
6
SPEAKER_02
I think that s something to say to him.
6
SPEAKER_02
Like, I understand it.
6
SPEAKER_02
I know it s coming from a fear.
6
SPEAKER_02
So let s figure out how to alleviate this fear.
6
SPEAKER_02
Because right now, me feeling monitored doesn t make this relationship better.
6
SPEAKER_02
It makes it worse.
6
SPEAKER_02
Exactly.
6
SPEAKER_02
I think that s great.
6
SPEAKER_02
We got there.
6
SPEAKER_02
That was hard.
6
SPEAKER_02
That s hard.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s hard.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s so common.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
My God.
6
SPEAKER_02
Tale as old as time.
6
SPEAKER_01
It is.
6
SPEAKER_01
Well, so tale as old as the iPhone.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, exactly.
6
SPEAKER_01
What s hard is that there s so many stories of people finding out that way.
6
SPEAKER_01
I feel like now it almost vindicates people to do something like that.
6
SPEAKER_01
I m with you where that feeling
6
SPEAKER_01
I never want to feel.
6
SPEAKER_02
Exactly.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s about your own journey through life.
6
SPEAKER_02
It s not about, I need to find out from this person or what s this person doing to me.
6
SPEAKER_02
It s if I feel like something s feels not right in this relationship, or I m wondering if this person is committed to me or they re betraying me in some way, going to like search for evidence
6
SPEAKER_02
is not going to feel good.
6
SPEAKER_02
You can confront it.
6
SPEAKER_02
And if they say yes or no, if they say no, nothing s happening and you still feel like something is, you might have to just end that relationship because that relationship isn t good for you.
6
SPEAKER_02
You re always in your head about it.
6
SPEAKER_02
Right.
6
SPEAKER_02
Whether he is or isn t, or she is or isn t, you don t feel safe there.
6
SPEAKER_01
Regardless.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
Ugh.
6
SPEAKER_01
I had a friend recently, they re going through a thing and like, she, whatever, had this text conversation with this guy and then he was like, read me the text.
6
SPEAKER_01
And then she read him the text verbatim and like, then he started crying and like, that whole thing is like, oh no.
6
SPEAKER_01
There just should never be a circumstance where I m reading you my text to someone.
6
SPEAKER_01
I just, it s so invasive.
6
SPEAKER_01
It is.
6
SPEAKER_01
And it s like, if you re at that point, there s so many levels
6
SPEAKER_01
before that that you need to go like address.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s hard.
6
SPEAKER_02
OK.
6
SPEAKER_02
Let s see if we have time for one more small guy.
6
SPEAKER_02
Definitely not that one.
6
SPEAKER_02
You always say that.
6
SPEAKER_00
Not a small guy.
6
SPEAKER_01
I have to pee really badly, this is so on point.
6
SPEAKER_01
Oh, are you gonna pee?
6
SPEAKER_01
Should I pee?
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, go pee.
6
SPEAKER_01
And leave the door open?
6
SPEAKER_01
Are you gonna, well, there is no door.
6
SPEAKER_01
I m gonna do it, cause I wanna get there with you.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
Where we do it in the same room.
6
SPEAKER_01
You can model the behavior you want.
6
SPEAKER_01
Well, you can read it while I pee.
6
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
6
SPEAKER_01
You re not gonna hear it, right?
6
SPEAKER_02
No, I don t think so.
6
SPEAKER_02
Well, if you re self-conscious about that.
6
SPEAKER_02
Okay, I ll try and be quiet.
6
SPEAKER_02
Why don t you just pee, and then I ll read the question.
6
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s so funny, I ve never had to pee in an episode.
6
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
6
Ready?
6
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
6
SPEAKER_02
This one s quick.
6
SPEAKER_02
Quicky, quicky.
6
SPEAKER_02
Are your therapists...
6
SPEAKER_02
Are your therapists psychotherapists, psychologists, or psychiatrists?
6
SPEAKER_02
Good question.
6
SPEAKER_02
This is from Isabella.
6
SPEAKER_02
Hi Monica and Liz, not necessarily an advice question, but after listening to the OTs are okay, I was wondering if you d be willing to share what type of therapist you have.
6
SPEAKER_02
I ve had the same one for several years, a psychotherapist, not psychology PhD, and have been contemplating finding a new one that has more experience or could offer me the specialized help I need for my depression and anxiety.
6
SPEAKER_02
This is a good question.
6
SPEAKER_02
Really good.
6
SPEAKER_01
What s yours?
6
SPEAKER_01
Psychologist, right?
6
SPEAKER_01
And I have EMDR therapist.
6
SPEAKER_01
Right.
6
SPEAKER_02
I have two because I m nuts.
6
SPEAKER_02
No, because you re smart and you re looking after yourself.
6
SPEAKER_02
Mine is...
6
SPEAKER_02
I m gonna look.
6
SPEAKER_02
Licensed clinical psychologist, LCP.
6
SPEAKER_02
She s also licensed marriage and family therapist.
6
SPEAKER_02
She went to Harvard.
6
SPEAKER_02
She did?
6
SPEAKER_02
She s so smart.
6
SPEAKER_02
Whoa.
6
SPEAKER_02
She got a BA in psychology from Harvard.
6
SPEAKER_02
She earned a master s in clinical psychology and then has a doctor of psychology.
6
SPEAKER_02
Damn.
6
SPEAKER_00
Gosh, she s so cool.
6
SPEAKER_02
So she is all degreed up, but I don t know, maybe I should look.
6
SPEAKER_02
What is ORNA?
6
SPEAKER_02
ORNA?
6
SPEAKER_02
ORNA from couples therapy.
6
SPEAKER_01
Oh good, I love that.
6
SPEAKER_02
She went to NYU postdoctoral program in psychoanalysis.
6
SPEAKER_01
Oh, psychoanalysis.
6
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_02
We ve talked about this.
6
SPEAKER_01
Psychoanalyst.
6
SPEAKER_02
Because that s a different type and that goes more into your history.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
6
SPEAKER_02
As opposed to CBT.
6
SPEAKER_02
So I would say regardless of the type, well, first of all, psychiatrists are for medication only.
6
SPEAKER_02
I have one of those too.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yes, so psychiatrist diagnosis, right?
6
SPEAKER_01
Your psychologist obviously can do a lot with you, but they re not in the business of diagnosing, prescribing medication, all that stuff.
6
SPEAKER_01
I have yet to find like a psychiatrist that I m like, you fully get me.
6
SPEAKER_01
Like, yeah, I find psychiatrists can be, well, that s not true.
6
SPEAKER_01
I did find one in New York.
6
SPEAKER_01
He was very expensive and I couldn t afford to see more regularly.
6
SPEAKER_01
He was more holistic, but sometimes they can be, what s the word?
6
SPEAKER_01
Straightforward.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s really about medication.
6
SPEAKER_02
To me, I place them in a much different category.
6
SPEAKER_02
It s like, that s a doctor I go to for my medication.
6
SPEAKER_02
I m not going to mine for therapy.
6
SPEAKER_02
We talk, but it s mainly to figure out my medicine.
6
SPEAKER_02
Right.
6
SPEAKER_02
And I would never have a psychiatrist without having a therapist for me personally or a psychologist, because that s your day to day.
6
SPEAKER_02
But a psychotherapist.
6
SPEAKER_02
Do they not have degrees?
6
SPEAKER_01
They don t have a degree.
6
SPEAKER_01
Sometimes they have a license or something like that, but they re not trained with that kind of degree.
6
SPEAKER_01
And again, some people with degrees are not great.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
And some people who don t have a degree are amazing.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
6
SPEAKER_01
And vice versa.
6
SPEAKER_01
Right.
6
SPEAKER_02
But one s not better than the other.
6
SPEAKER_02
It s just what I guess you feel more comfortable with.
6
SPEAKER_02
But if you re saying you might want someone who has a little bit more of a specialty, I really understand that because my current psychologist,
6
SPEAKER_02
She understands my particular issues in a way that my other one didn t.
6
SPEAKER_02
And I think it s just her training is more precise on the thing I specifically need.
6
SPEAKER_02
If you re looking for someone who really is pointed in depression and anxiety, I would search that out.
6
SPEAKER_01
Me too.
6
SPEAKER_01
Psychology Today actually has like a really good repertoire.
6
SPEAKER_01
Like you can go through therapists and again, different kinds of psychiatrists, all that stuff.
6
SPEAKER_01
And then they ll tell you what their specialties are, LGBTQ specific issues or trauma, addiction, eating disorder.
6
SPEAKER_01
I think you should go as specific as possible.
6
SPEAKER_01
Me too.
6
SPEAKER_01
And try out people.
6
SPEAKER_02
Definitely try out people.
6
SPEAKER_02
And also, if you have a friend or something who has a therapist that they love, I would actually not recommend seeing their therapist.
6
SPEAKER_02
I tried to do that once and it was actually interesting.
6
SPEAKER_02
The therapist said they weren t like, they couldn t see me.
6
SPEAKER_02
Which I thought was, I really respect it.
6
SPEAKER_02
Or maybe she said like, I have to ask your friend first.
6
SPEAKER_02
And I was like, I think we maybe keep this separate because I respect that.
6
SPEAKER_02
But if they really like their therapist, a lot of them are in groups.
6
SPEAKER_02
And so if you search that therapist and whatever group they re in, you can find a lot of them and you can read up on them and see their different, you know, like modes.
6
SPEAKER_01
My therapist, she s my friend s therapist too, like she doesn t mind.
6
SPEAKER_01
But for those who do, often they ll have a recommendation.
6
SPEAKER_01
Exactly.
6
SPEAKER_01
They won t just like leave you hanging.
6
SPEAKER_02
And you can ask also, do you have any recommendations for this specifically?
6
SPEAKER_01
Exactly.
6
SPEAKER_02
I would seek that out because there s nothing wrong with your OT, but if she s not giving you exactly what you need or you re not leaving every week and thinking like, that was helpful, then it s money down the drain.
6
SPEAKER_02
Like go, go, this is for you.
6
SPEAKER_02
Of course.
6
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
6
100%.
6
SPEAKER_01
Don t stay in it for too long when it s not working out.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_02
All right.
6
SPEAKER_02
Well, this was this was a journey.
6
SPEAKER_02
This was a journey.
6
SPEAKER_02
It was a doozy.
6
SPEAKER_02
It was a pootie.
6
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_02
You peed.
6
SPEAKER_02
I peed.
6
SPEAKER_02
You were here.
6
SPEAKER_02
And we have one more episode next week before we take a little break for the holiday and then we ll be back.
6
SPEAKER_02
So we ll see you next week.
6
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_02
See you.
6
SPEAKER_01
Love you.
6
SPEAKER_02
Bye.