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SPEAKER_00
Hello!
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SPEAKER_00
Are you rolling?
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SPEAKER_00
Weird.
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SPEAKER_00
Ew, why is that happening?
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SPEAKER_01
Why is it doing that?
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SPEAKER_01
Are you here?
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SPEAKER_01
I m here, I think.
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SPEAKER_00
Are you sure?
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SPEAKER_00
Do we even know if we re here?
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SPEAKER_00
Great question.
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SPEAKER_00
It s the question.
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SPEAKER_00
Who would confirm?
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SPEAKER_00
It s all a sim.
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SPEAKER_01
How are you doing?
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SPEAKER_01
Welcome.
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SPEAKER_00
I m good.
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SPEAKER_01
To Wednesday.
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SPEAKER_01
Is it our first 2024?
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SPEAKER_01
No, we ve had 19.
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SPEAKER_01
I still feel like it s New Year vibes.
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SPEAKER_01
Like, I feel like I have, like, a new pair of shoes on.
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SPEAKER_01
And, like, even though I didn t just get them and I ve worn them a few times, I feel like they re fresh and they re new.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I read somewhere that the new year doesn t really start till January 10th.
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SPEAKER_00
Oh, really?
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SPEAKER_00
Not calendar-wise, but we can take our time entering the new year and then on the 10th is the real start.
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SPEAKER_01
I heard that it s in the spring and people are saying it s silly that it s in the middle of winter and the fact that your resolutions aren t sticking or that you don t feel this surge of energy to
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change your whole life is normal.
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And that if you re not feeling it, you can wait a few months and it makes kind of more sense.
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SPEAKER_01
I think there is a rebirth in the spring.
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SPEAKER_01
I mean, there s a nature.
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SPEAKER_01
Sure.
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It s called something.
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A cycle of life that happens.
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So I was so ready for 2023 to be over.
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Like 2023 was like,
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Oh my God.
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And I didn t realize how many people were feeling the exact same way.
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I feel like now that we re on the other side, people are admitting or just more and more people are telling me like, oh yeah, that was the worst few months of my life.
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And I was like, oh wait, I didn t realize that.
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SPEAKER_01
I thought it was kind of just, we were all just kind of doing it on our own.
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SPEAKER_01
But yeah, 2024, new year.
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SPEAKER_01
How do you feel about it?
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SPEAKER_00
I feel low energy still.
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SPEAKER_00
I think it s going to take a minute to really drop into the year, but that s okay.
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SPEAKER_00
It is what it is.
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SPEAKER_00
I had my natal chart read, which was exciting.
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SPEAKER_01
Was that your first natal chart reading?
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SPEAKER_01
It was.
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SPEAKER_01
Have you had one?
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SPEAKER_01
I had my birth chart.
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SPEAKER_01
Is that the same thing or is it different?
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SPEAKER_00
I mean, it s an astrology thing.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
So I had my birth chart, and it s so funny because I was looking for my diary for a video, and then I opened an old diary, not that old, but a few years, and it was my birth chart reading, which is so funny because you had yours.
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SPEAKER_00
So you went to an astrologer also?
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SPEAKER_00
I have an astrologer, yes.
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SPEAKER_00
Oh, you have one that you go to?
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SPEAKER_00
It s part of my team.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it s part of my mental health team.
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SPEAKER_00
Oh my gosh.
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SPEAKER_00
Was this a new person?
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I ve never done it.
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A friend gifted it to me.
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And so, yeah, it is a good present.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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So I scheduled it, this wonderful woman named Clarice.
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And it was fun.
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SPEAKER_00
It was a Zoom and she just broke down all of my stuff.
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SPEAKER_00
It s complex.
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SPEAKER_00
So I was following, but I missed a bunch of stuff, I think.
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SPEAKER_00
Did you record it?
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SPEAKER_00
You have to record it.
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SPEAKER_00
We recorded it, and then she also is going to send me some highlights.
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SPEAKER_00
What was like a main takeaway?
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I have so many, which I knew this, but when I could see it all together, I have so many houses in Virgo.
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I have so many.
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Which is, which is quite funny.
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SPEAKER_00
And she s not like a fortune teller, right?
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SPEAKER_00
So, but she asked if I wanted to know anything kind of, or if I had any questions or what I was thinking about.
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SPEAKER_00
So I did ask this specific question.
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And then when I did, I started to panic.
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SPEAKER_01
Oh, what was the question?
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SPEAKER_00
Well, it was about the future.
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SPEAKER_00
I don t want to say what, but part of the reason I sort of, I m anti like having your tarot card reading or going to a psychic.
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I m really against that because I think it could be a self-fulfilling prophecy or what if they tell you something horrible and then everyone says they don t ever tell you anything horrible.
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That s not what they do.
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So then when I was talking to her and I had asked this question, I got pretty panicked that she was going to say something
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And it kind of started at first to sound like it was bad.
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And I was like, oh my God, what have I done?
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But then it wasn t, it wasn t.
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It was a good outcome.
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SPEAKER_01
Well, they never tell you, like, you re gonna die, right?
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SPEAKER_01
Exactly.
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SPEAKER_01
I ve never had a psychic.
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SPEAKER_01
Okay.
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SPEAKER_01
I know people who have psychics.
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SPEAKER_01
I kind of want to get one in.
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SPEAKER_01
It s kind of on my list.
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SPEAKER_01
Okay.
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SPEAKER_01
I know someone who had a pet psychic, and it was all true.
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SPEAKER_00
There s no way to know if it s true.
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Okay, so my friend Daryl has a dog, Lula.
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One of the questions was, why do you always come into the bathroom with me?
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SPEAKER_01
Oh no, you were there.
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SPEAKER_00
You know this story.
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SPEAKER_01
I was there when he told it, yeah.
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But no one listening knows what s up.
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SPEAKER_01
Oh, okay.
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Then the pet psychic said, through the soul and spirit of Lula, oh, I just like being with you.
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And then Daryl was like, okay, but it really annoys me.
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And then after the pet psychic told him that, Lula comes into the bathroom now, but turns around, faces the wall.
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How could that possibly be explained by anything else?
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Like a habitual dog habit fundamentally changed.
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Even Rob believes it.
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He has a smile on his face.
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SPEAKER_00
I m laughing at Monica s reaction because I m on the same page as her.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah, of course.
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SPEAKER_00
I have two friends who ve done pet sidekicks.
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SPEAKER_00
It s so ridiculous.
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SPEAKER_00
So ridiculous.
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SPEAKER_00
The dog is with the psychic?
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SPEAKER_01
No, the dog wasn t even there.
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SPEAKER_00
And it s not dead?
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SPEAKER_01
It s not dead.
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SPEAKER_01
I think they should change the name for it.
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SPEAKER_01
I feel like it s a dog communicator.
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SPEAKER_01
It s like someone to help translate.
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SPEAKER_01
Because Lula wasn t even in the same house.
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She was at their friend s house.
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And while he was getting the reading, she was going crazy.
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Like, she kept going all over the place.
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How could she know?
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SPEAKER_00
You can find meaning in anything.
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SPEAKER_00
That s true.
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And people do, and they want to.
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SPEAKER_00
People are constantly seeking out meaning, which is
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Fine.
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Like, that s great.
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That s something fundamental to us.
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We re always making meaning.
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And I think that s what s happening here.
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I don t think necessarily any of that is true, but if it helps you and if you like it,
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Go forth.
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Continue to believe.
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SPEAKER_01
But I think meaning is rational.
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Like, of course, you can have doubts about the term psychic.
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I m with you.
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SPEAKER_01
Dogs have feelings.
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SPEAKER_01
Dogs sense things.
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SPEAKER_01
Dogs, like, you know, there s all kinds of stuff that happens between dogs and people that s not just made up, right?
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I m not saying feelings are made up, but to say a dog is in another house and just happens to be hyper, and then to say that s because there was a psychic reading happening far away is, to me, a leap.
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SPEAKER_01
Okay, so you ve never had like a feeling about something and then something happened and you re like, oh, that s why I was feeling that way or like that happens all the time.
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SPEAKER_01
We have feelings and like sense energy.
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SPEAKER_01
Sure.
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SPEAKER_00
I don t think I can argue with you today about the validity of… Yeah, pet psychics.
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SPEAKER_00
Anyway, I think you want to do a psychic for yourself.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
What would you ask?
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Maybe, yeah, I would feel the same way as you where I don t know if I want to know—well, I always want to know, and I m trying to not do that anymore because it s really—you end up sabotaging yourself by wanting to know.
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Like, I feel like I ve like ended things more quickly.
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And then when I look back, I m like, oh, that was just me not being able to tolerate not knowing how it was going to pan out.
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So, as much as I m tempted to do it, it s probably something I need to do less of.
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SPEAKER_01
But maybe if I saw a psychic, she would just tell me, and then I would be like, okay, now I know, so I don t have to think about it anymore.
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Maybe it would, like, fix me.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
That s the part that I do think can be a self-fulfilling prophecy.
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SPEAKER_00
That s the part that I think is scary.
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Unless it s positive things.
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SPEAKER_00
That would be great.
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SPEAKER_00
And that s why I have heard that they only do that.
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SPEAKER_00
But what if they don t?
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SPEAKER_00
It s too late if you hear something bad.
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah, or if they tell you the person you re with, you re not supposed to be with them.
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SPEAKER_01
They must say that sometimes.
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SPEAKER_01
But they must get the vibe, I don t know, off of you.
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SPEAKER_00
I do have a love line going through Mexico City.
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SPEAKER_00
Ooh.
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SPEAKER_00
Which seems interesting.
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So I feel like I want to visit.
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SPEAKER_00
I already want to visit there.
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SPEAKER_01
Me too.
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I really want to go.
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SPEAKER_01
My friends are going in two weeks and I probably won t.
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SPEAKER_01
But it s also become like the second New York City.
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SPEAKER_01
Have you heard of that?
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SPEAKER_01
Tons of people have moved there.
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SPEAKER_01
Like I know people who ve moved there.
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SPEAKER_00
Oh wow.
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SPEAKER_00
Weirdly.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it s supposed to be very cool.
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SPEAKER_01
Very cool.
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SPEAKER_00
And I also have one running close to New York.
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SPEAKER_00
Oh my gosh.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah, but that doesn t mean you have to be there.
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SPEAKER_00
It could just mean like that person s from there or has connections to there or something like that.
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SPEAKER_00
So New Yorkers and Mexico City-ans.
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SPEAKER_01
Okay.
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SPEAKER_01
Do you like people from New York?
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
Do I know that many?
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SPEAKER_00
I m trying to think.
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SPEAKER_00
My friend Maddie s from New York.
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Love her.
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SPEAKER_00
I don t know that many, I guess.
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SPEAKER_00
It s like L.A.
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SPEAKER_00
I know very few actual people from L.A., and I don t know very many actual people from New York either.
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SPEAKER_00
It s hard to, it s one, those are the cities, right, where people flock.
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SPEAKER_00
Yes, right.
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SPEAKER_01
But there s like a certain type that lives in New York.
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That live there, yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
That s able to do that, and.
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SPEAKER_00
I love New York so much.
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SPEAKER_00
Me too.
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SPEAKER_00
So, I mean, it s my favorite city in the world, so I, but I do know I can t live there.
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SPEAKER_00
No, not at this stage in life.
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SPEAKER_00
I wish I had done it at some point, but at this point, no.
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SPEAKER_00
It s too exhausting.
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SPEAKER_00
I love to visit, but it s like a beatdown, as you know.
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
I miss New York right now, weirdly, even though it s freezing there.
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Everyone s like, we want to come and visit you.
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I m like, I miss New York.
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SPEAKER_00
There s something about the winter that s really nice.
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SPEAKER_00
You have to really bundle up.
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SPEAKER_01
You do.
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Everything comes with hardship.
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So you feel like you ve earned stuff.
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SPEAKER_01
Well, that s New York.
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That s everything about it.
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You feel like every day you ve accomplished something just by kind of surviving.
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SPEAKER_01
I like when things are hard.
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SPEAKER_01
Do you like when things are hard?
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SPEAKER_01
Well, what do you mean?
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SPEAKER_01
If things are too easy, I don t know if it s that I get bored.
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SPEAKER_01
It ll start affecting like my self-esteem in a weird way.
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SPEAKER_01
Interesting.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
I love LA, but I m more of a New Yorker in that way.
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SPEAKER_00
That s funny.
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SPEAKER_00
I wouldn t have said that about you I have people in my life who I would say like nothing can be easy for them Just everything has to be a climb and I find them exhausting.
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SPEAKER_01
Oh That s a lot, but you don t think I m like that.
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SPEAKER_01
No
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SPEAKER_00
Not really.
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SPEAKER_00
I mean, in a positive way.
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SPEAKER_00
I don t think you need struggle.
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SPEAKER_00
I mean, I think people who need struggle are just never going to be happy.
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SPEAKER_00
Like, you re just going to find it.
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SPEAKER_00
Because there s struggle everywhere.
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SPEAKER_00
Everywhere.
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SPEAKER_00
If you re looking for that, and that s how you re walking through the world and subconsciously telling yourself you need it, nothing will be easy.
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
Well, I think I like challenge.
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SPEAKER_00
Sure, that s much different.
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
But also, you know, again, this year I was like reflecting a little too much and rereading my diary again for our video.
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SPEAKER_01
I was like just leaping through things and I was like, I don t even know who I m talking about or what job thing I m talking about, but this could be the same diary entry over and over and over and over again.
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SPEAKER_01
And you just replace the name with a different thing.
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And that s when I realized, wow, like this is just…
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SPEAKER_01
It s just patterns.
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SPEAKER_01
It s patterns, and yes, your brain will always— It s called negativity bias.
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SPEAKER_01
It s what allowed us to survive and thrive and be here with podcast mics and cars and computers, like, survive the world we live in.
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SPEAKER_01
But it means that our brain immediately goes to negative.
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SPEAKER_01
Like if you give nothing to do with your average brain, it ll go to something negative more likely than something positive because that s like a survival mechanism.
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SPEAKER_01
So you have to deliberately, yeah, give yourself positive things to think about or else, yeah, you ll go to struggle.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah, negativity biases, like the negative comment resides 10 times more than the positive comment.
1
SPEAKER_00
It affects you more because evolutionarily, like those were the things you would need to avoid so that you could stay in your tribe.
1
SPEAKER_00
So yeah, like you have to force yourself to not just get taken down.
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SPEAKER_00
I have a fair amount of people, or I m thinking of one person in my life who s addicted to finding the negative thing.
1
SPEAKER_00
And it s exhausting.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s like, we don t know what to say anymore.
1
SPEAKER_00
No one knows what to say.
1
SPEAKER_00
No one can make it better because you don t really want it to be better.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think a lot of people think negativity, it s like the most sticky form of communication.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like they, it s easier to talk about something you dislike than something you like.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
But it doesn t go very far.
1
SPEAKER_00
Then you just get like in this loop of stuff you don t like and it s not interesting.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I was just thinking about this.
1
SPEAKER_00
I was listening to a podcast that I really like, but they were talking about a movie
1
SPEAKER_00
And of course, you know, it s also, of course everyone has their opinions, but I m just like over everyone s negative opinions about everything.
1
SPEAKER_00
And these are platforms or podcasts, like they re of course going to talk about what they don t like, but I m just over it.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t want to hear your...
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SPEAKER_00
reason for why you think this is bad or why you think this is bad or this is bad.
1
SPEAKER_00
Negativity feels a little arrogant to me because nobody s in anyone else s shoes and they re just judging.
1
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
1
SPEAKER_00
They feel entitled to an opinion, like a negative judgment.
1
SPEAKER_00
Right.
1
SPEAKER_00
I mean, that s the internet in a nutshell.
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SPEAKER_01
It s more than just the internet now.
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SPEAKER_01
I feel like it s everyone.
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SPEAKER_01
That we re getting more negative?
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SPEAKER_01
I think.
1
SPEAKER_01
Interesting.
1
SPEAKER_01
I feel overall that the last few years have felt particularly difficult for people.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s one thing to just be like stable negative.
1
SPEAKER_01
I feel like the pandemic was kind of that of just this like low grade.
1
SPEAKER_01
I mean, not stable.
1
SPEAKER_01
There were a lot of ups and downs, but it was like, oh, this sucks.
1
SPEAKER_01
And this is going to be this way for a little bit.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then I think what crushed us was the hope that… It would be better.
1
SPEAKER_01
That it would be better.
1
SPEAKER_01
Like, oh, then it ll go back.
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SPEAKER_01
Or then we ll glean all these lessons, which like…
1
SPEAKER_01
We didn t.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it actually got worse in some respects.
1
SPEAKER_01
And so I feel like we re in a depressive episode.
1
SPEAKER_01
And yeah, you re talking to your friend that s like, everything is negative.
1
SPEAKER_01
Like no matter what you try and bring up that s positive, it s like, but this thing is happening and that thing is happening.
1
SPEAKER_01
And it s been something I ve been trying to do.
1
SPEAKER_01
I know you brought it up on the show of not just dwelling on negative things that are happening in the world because it becomes so painful if you think about it all the time that then you just end up avoiding.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I think, again, I m realizing a lot of people were doing this, which was just kind of like,
1
SPEAKER_01
Rotting.
1
SPEAKER_01
I rotted a lot in the last few months of last year because I felt emotionally overwhelmed.
1
SPEAKER_01
I didn t really know how to, like, handle it.
1
SPEAKER_01
And so I was in that depressive, like, negative loop.
1
SPEAKER_01
And yeah, I think it s going to take us a little bit to get out of it.
1
SPEAKER_01
I don t really know what the solution is.
1
SPEAKER_00
We re not going to just come out of it.
1
SPEAKER_00
Just like in our individual lives, you don t just come out of it and all of a sudden you re positive now.
1
SPEAKER_00
It requires work.
1
SPEAKER_00
It requires actively choosing to place your attention in a positive light as opposed to a negative one.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s not that easy to do.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s not going to happen unless we re trying.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_00
I just feel like I want to try.
1
SPEAKER_00
Try to avoid a lot of the negative opinions and dilute the amount of negativity around me.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
Because it ll take you down.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, it s contagious.
1
SPEAKER_01
I mean, happiness is contagious, but misery is even more.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s that thing that my Uber driver said, which I keep thinking about.
1
SPEAKER_01
The seeds?
1
SPEAKER_01
No, the being instead of doing.
1
SPEAKER_01
Did I not bring it up to you?
1
SPEAKER_01
Did I tell you?
1
SPEAKER_01
The poem?
1
SPEAKER_01
Not the poem.
1
SPEAKER_00
No, no, no.
1
SPEAKER_01
But this one was, I texted you about it.
1
SPEAKER_01
Maybe I didn t bring it up on the show.
1
SPEAKER_00
You didn t.
1
SPEAKER_00
Maybe you said you had an Uber experience, but you didn t tell me what happened.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, okay.
1
SPEAKER_01
So I just was getting my groceries.
1
SPEAKER_01
So it was a very short Uber ride and we just start talking and he s like, you know what?
1
SPEAKER_01
I just feel like since the pandemic last few years, I ve just been doing a lot of thinking and not enough doing.
1
SPEAKER_01
That basically— I like that.
1
SPEAKER_01
Right?
1
SPEAKER_01
It really blew my mind because he distilled it in such a simple yet, I feel like, life-changing way.
1
SPEAKER_01
Where I was like, right, I m just doing so much thinking.
1
SPEAKER_01
And even these questions of, are we doing too much therapy?
1
SPEAKER_01
Sometimes I feel like I m spending all this time thinking and then talking about what I m thinking about and then thinking about what I m thinking about and thinking if what I m thinking about is good or bad or should I be thinking about it differently?
1
SPEAKER_01
Instead of just doing and living.
1
SPEAKER_00
Living.
1
SPEAKER_01
I think 2024 is about living and about doing.
1
SPEAKER_01
Coming back to things that are happening in the world, like do something.
1
SPEAKER_01
And it doesn t mean take it up all on your own, but go and join a group and make art out of it.
1
SPEAKER_01
There s so many different things that you can do and not just think about it.
1
SPEAKER_01
And drown in your thoughts.
1
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
1
SPEAKER_00
Because it doesn t help anything.
1
SPEAKER_00
No, it doesn t.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
I like that experience with the Uber driver.
1
SPEAKER_00
Did you give him your phone number?
1
SPEAKER_00
No, I didn t.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
No, I didn t.
1
SPEAKER_00
Good job.
1
SPEAKER_01
It was a five-minute Uber ride.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s what I loved about it.
1
SPEAKER_01
It was like, again, I don t necessarily love to have a conversation, but I had to because the first thing he said— Oh, no.
1
SPEAKER_01
I get in the car and the first thing he said is like, whoa, I can t see red lights.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, what?
1
SPEAKER_01
And he said it like casually.
1
SPEAKER_00
Nonchalant.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, nonchalant.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, what?
1
SPEAKER_01
And he s like, oh, it s that I just got these blue light glasses and everything s the same except the red light.
1
SPEAKER_01
So apparently he can see red, but the other colors are different.
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, he needs to take those glasses off if he s driving you.
1
SPEAKER_00
You need to see color.
1
SPEAKER_01
But he sees red, which I feel like is the most important one.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then can you make out the rest?
1
SPEAKER_00
I think he would not pass a driver s license with that.
1
SPEAKER_00
With blue light?
1
SPEAKER_00
You can t.
1
SPEAKER_00
You have to be able to see appropriately.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, people who are colorblind are allowed to drive.
1
SPEAKER_00
You can t drive if you can t pass the
1
SPEAKER_01
Vision test.
1
SPEAKER_01
But you can have colorblind or difference in colors.
1
SPEAKER_00
Anyway, I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t know about the colorblind thing with driving.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m sure you can, but maybe they require something.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_00
Maybe you could look it up.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, they can drive.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
Does it say it requires anything?
1
SPEAKER_00
You don t need to notify DVLA of your condition.
1
SPEAKER_00
It only affects how you see colors, not your vision.
1
SPEAKER_00
You can use other ways to follow the rules of the road.
1
SPEAKER_00
I guess that s why they have the numbers.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, the order of the lights is, I guess, for that.
1
SPEAKER_01
Anyway, then I was like, oh, why are you doing that?
1
SPEAKER_01
He s like, I m trying to change habits and try new things.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
And it was this happened a few days before the end of the year.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then that launched us into a whole conversation about
1
SPEAKER_01
happens.
1
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
1
SPEAKER_01
And it was the perfect conversation.
1
SPEAKER_01
It was five minutes, and it changed my brain.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s great.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so you re going to do more in 2024.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
But I think you should maybe give your phone number out 50% less.
1
SPEAKER_00
Less.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
That could be a goal.
1
SPEAKER_00
I can do that.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_01
I will do that less.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s still doing.
1
SPEAKER_01
I ll do—yeah, it s doing—yes, it counts.
1
SPEAKER_01
But I am going to do that.
1
SPEAKER_01
I am.
1
SPEAKER_01
I am.
1
SPEAKER_01
Because I don t want to be on my phone.
1
SPEAKER_01
I don t want to be thinking and, you know, I want to be outside living my life.
2
SPEAKER_01
playing guitar yet?
2
SPEAKER_01
I have.
2
SPEAKER_01
How s it going?
2
SPEAKER_01
It s going great.
2
SPEAKER_01
So I have a really shitty guitar so I bought a used one that s coming that s hopefully a little bit better because the one I have is really not great.
2
SPEAKER_01
But I ve been playing a lot of Taylor Swift songs.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh my god.
2
SPEAKER_01
Will you do a concert in here?
2
SPEAKER_01
Sure.
2
SPEAKER_01
Tiny Desk Concert.
2
SPEAKER_01
I think I m going to have to learn how to sing.
2
SPEAKER_01
Because I loved singing as a kid, and I think I probably need lessons, but hopefully someone, maybe like a virtual lesson or something like that, because I don t want to pay for an Uber every time I go.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, too many conversations.
2
SPEAKER_00
Too many.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, exactly.
2
SPEAKER_01
Too many life-changing events.
2
SPEAKER_01
So yeah, I started listening to these YouTube things.
2
SPEAKER_01
So it s not a screen-free hobby, because I m still kind of on the screen, but it s been good.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I started reading a novel.
2
SPEAKER_01
What are you reading?
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay, so I am already afraid.
2
SPEAKER_01
Have you heard of this, A Little Life?
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, yes.
2
SPEAKER_00
half of it, I think.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s a beautiful book.
2
SPEAKER_00
I didn t finish because then I moved it to my audio book, and I m not good at audio books, so I stopped.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, wow.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, I just know that people warn each other about it.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s intense.
2
SPEAKER_01
You re going to cry.
2
SPEAKER_01
I like all of them, and I m like, oh, God, which one is going to—I just know something s going to happen, but I don t know what yet.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, that s great.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I m doing it.
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Hot girl hobbies.
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It s the new thing.
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SPEAKER_00
Hot girl hobbies?
2
SPEAKER_01
What s your hot girl hobby?
2
SPEAKER_00
What do you mean?
2
SPEAKER_00
What?
2
SPEAKER_00
I already am reading and writing even though I m not doing it.
2
SPEAKER_00
My resolution is not going well.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, January 10th.
2
SPEAKER_00
I know.
2
SPEAKER_00
It hasn t started.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m giving myself till tomorrow.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s great.
2
SPEAKER_01
You have time.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s your hot girl hobby.
2
SPEAKER_00
Tell me about hot girl hobbies.
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t know the science of it, but from what I want to understand, it s when you want to like reinvent yourself and be the woman that you want to be in the world, you need hobbies.
2
SPEAKER_01
You need something that s a passion and that s yours and that you re excited about.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I felt like I was languishing.
2
SPEAKER_01
I was like overly focused on things that weren t working well in my life, thinking that they would like save me or like make me feel better.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, oh no, I actually have to become the person and make my life really fun because no one else can do that for me.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, great.
2
SPEAKER_00
I love that.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay, so you re reading more as well, and then you re playing guitar.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m playing guitar for you.
2
SPEAKER_00
I can t wait for the concert.
2
SPEAKER_00
Should we give a song deadline?
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay, I like deadlines.
2
SPEAKER_01
And you re going to read us something?
2
SPEAKER_01
You re gonna do a little reading, and I ll do a little song.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God, this is so stressful.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, mine seems unfair, because I could do it right now, mine.
2
SPEAKER_00
No, you have to read something you wrote.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, I wrote?
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, now I m scared.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, this is scary.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay, but this is good.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_01
I like this for us.
2
SPEAKER_01
I could also turn something that you write into a song.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, nope.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s one step too far, I think.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay, this is good.
2
SPEAKER_00
I ll tell you what to sing and play, and then you tell me a topic to write about.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay, I love this.
2
SPEAKER_00
Hot girl.
2
SPEAKER_00
Hobbying!
2
SPEAKER_00
And then we need a date.
2
SPEAKER_00
I love this.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_00
A month?
2
SPEAKER_00
A month.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay, a month from now.
2
SPEAKER_00
A month from today, so February 9th.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, I m so scared.
2
SPEAKER_00
This is way too early.
2
SPEAKER_00
But this is what we do, we do hard things.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s what me and you do, and we haven t, I think we stopped doing that.
2
SPEAKER_01
We did.
2
SPEAKER_01
And we do them badly, and it doesn t matter.
2
SPEAKER_01
I think that s the point.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, that s true.
2
SPEAKER_00
It doesn t, writing badly is not gonna be- Well, it s hard for you, you re such a talented writer.
2
SPEAKER_00
Thank you, that s very nice.
2
SPEAKER_00
But also, all my houses are in Virgo, and it just makes it really hard.
2
SPEAKER_00
Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure.
2
SPEAKER_00
But I like that this is good.
2
SPEAKER_00
I need to push myself.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay, great.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay, so I want you to sing and play... Gosh.
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, my favorite is My Tears Ricochet, but I m gonna let you decide if you want it to be more uppy or do you want it to be, like, sadder?
2
SPEAKER_00
I think sadder.
2
SPEAKER_00
Sadder?
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay, then my tier is Ricochet.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then which one is your happy favorite?
2
SPEAKER_00
If I was gonna make you do something a little happier, maybe something from Speak Now, like Mine or Mean.
2
SPEAKER_00
Mean would be fun.
2
SPEAKER_00
I bet that s easier.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, Ricochet is— It s hard.
2
SPEAKER_00
But I like a challenge.
2
SPEAKER_00
I just said it, so I have to do it.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay, so you re singing and playing.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh my god.
2
SPEAKER_01
And what should I write about?
2
SPEAKER_01
I want you to write an essay about— Oh my god, I don t know if I should just do this as a— Like, what s a fun thing to make you write?
2
SPEAKER_01
I want you to write an essay about farts, but I won t do that.
2
SPEAKER_01
I— Or why not?
2
SPEAKER_01
You want me to?
2
SPEAKER_01
I bet you could turn that into something super deep.
2
SPEAKER_00
Look, I don t get to have a say, so if that s really... But do you think we talk too much about farts?
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, we talk too much about farts.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God, this is so good.
2
SPEAKER_00
You should, right now, write the title of the essay.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay, I like that.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then I write the essay.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I will take whatever your title is, and I will run with it.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_01
The title of your essay has to be... Oh my God, I have so many things in my head.
2
SPEAKER_01
Can you say that at the end of the episode?
2
SPEAKER_00
Sure.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay, I m going to think about it at the end of the episode.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay, great.
2
SPEAKER_00
We really box ourselves in, which is great.
2
SPEAKER_00
I ve heard and read that s where a lot of people s best work happens, when they re within a box.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s a commitment device.
2
SPEAKER_00
It is, but also even creative-wise.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like, you think you can be the most creative when there s no boundaries and no boxes, but actually creativity really explodes within constraints.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, that s really true.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s the best creative advice I ever received for writing or for anything.
2
SPEAKER_01
Give yourself less time to do something, not more time.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s so counterintuitive, but it works.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, I m really excited to hear what the essay title will be.
2
SPEAKER_00
And oh, I want to bring something up that s bothering me.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, I guess I just want to talk about it.
2
SPEAKER_00
Our healthcare system.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s not really our healthcare system, but it is a little bit.
2
SPEAKER_00
So tell me if Canada is different in this way.
2
SPEAKER_00
I can guarantee it is.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m sure it is.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I am on this seizure medication, as you know, as everyone knows.
2
SPEAKER_00
And it s an intense medication.
2
SPEAKER_00
You can t just skip a day.
2
SPEAKER_00
And if and when I get off of it, I ll have to wean off of it.
2
SPEAKER_00
And my pharmacist texted and said, like, you need a refill, but they won t refill until you have an appointment.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I called.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I make the appointment and then I have to miss it because my grandfather dies.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I call them and say, like, I can t make this because of a family emergency.
2
SPEAKER_00
She s like, well, the next appointment is on blah, blah, blah, like much later.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I said, well, I ll be out of the medication
3
SPEAKER_01
by then, so can he fill for that intermediate time? 
3
SPEAKER_01
And she was like, no.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, yes.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t know what you mean, no.
3
SPEAKER_01
I can t.
3
SPEAKER_01
This isn t Advil.
3
SPEAKER_01
I can t just not take it for 15 days.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, can you please talk to him?
3
SPEAKER_01
Because I can t not take it.
3
SPEAKER_01
And she was like,
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I ll talk to him.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I know, you know, and it s not her fault.
3
SPEAKER_01
She s doing her job, but it s so frustrating that there s no logic happening.
3
SPEAKER_01
They re just going by the rule.
3
SPEAKER_01
So wait, do you not have your medication?
3
SPEAKER_01
So I have a few days left.
3
SPEAKER_01
So I have to call again today and say like, what s happening here?
3
SPEAKER_01
And I m just forcing them to do it, but I don t know if they will.
3
SPEAKER_01
I can t not take it.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s really bad.
3
SPEAKER_00
It is really bad.
3
SPEAKER_00
I feel like you need a One Medical intervention.
3
SPEAKER_00
This makes no sense.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s like we were in 1980s.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like One Medical, I can DM my doctor and tell her like, I need this medication now and she ll send it to my friend.
3
SPEAKER_01
But it s because it s a specialist.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s a neurologist.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s not just my regular doctor or even like my psychologist or something who would, because it s a specialty.
3
SPEAKER_01
They have to see you.
3
SPEAKER_01
But a week of padding is not a big deal, and they can do it, and I m sure will happen.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s just like, oh, there s this rule, so I guess the answer s no.
3
SPEAKER_01
When the answer being no means someone s not on medication that they have to be on, it s crazy.
3
SPEAKER_00
The pharmacy might give you, that happened to me once, and then they gave me a few for a few days.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s happened to me too, but I don t think this is that sort of case.
3
SPEAKER_01
I think it ll be fine.
3
SPEAKER_01
But it s so stressful, and this is happening to everyone all the time, and it sucks.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, people can t get their medications.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s why, again, telehealth has been so revolutionary, and it is one of the good things of the pandemic.
3
SPEAKER_00
Forced a lot of places to become accessible in that way.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I think with certain medications too, with like Adderall and stuff like that, you also need to be able to have a meeting with your specialist.
3
SPEAKER_00
You can t just get it from anyone.
3
SPEAKER_00
A lot of people are now doing phone calls and virtual sessions, but I don t know why your doctor is resisting that.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s still gonna be video.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s not, well, I guess it is still timing.
3
SPEAKER_01
Maybe he s just booked up, which is fine.
3
SPEAKER_01
He can be booked up, but it s like, let s look at the scenario like real people where, okay, so an emergency happens, obviously.
3
SPEAKER_01
What are we gonna do to get her to this time?
3
SPEAKER_01
It s just frustrating.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, and I hate how many times it s been so down to the wire for you.
3
SPEAKER_00
including during our egg freezing.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s so scary.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s my fault.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_00
Was it?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
3
SPEAKER_00
They need to just give you a lifetime supply.
3
SPEAKER_00
Why do they?
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, I know, but that was... Do people know what we re talking about?
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_01
We should probably remind them.
3
SPEAKER_01
During our egg freezing, it was the day we did our trigger shot, which is like a really crazy day because you have to take it at this exact time.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I had to go to the pharmacy that day to get my seizure medication to pick it up.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I did let it go till the last day.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like I didn t have any left.
3
SPEAKER_01
Normally, the pharmacist calls me like a week in advance and says, we have your medication.
3
SPEAKER_01
And then I don t pick it up and don t pick it up.
3
SPEAKER_01
Don t pick it up until it s like the last day and then I go get it.
3
SPEAKER_01
And so that day, me and you were going to go get it.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I did the trigger shot.
3
SPEAKER_01
We got in the car and then I felt so horrible.
3
SPEAKER_01
I felt so nauseous and I had to go back inside.
3
SPEAKER_01
And then you so sweetly went to get it in an Uber.
3
SPEAKER_01
You spend so much time in Ubers.
3
SPEAKER_01
I do.
3
SPEAKER_01
You went to get it, and it was closed.
3
SPEAKER_01
It was.
3
SPEAKER_01
The drugstore was open, but the pharmacy was closed because it was raining.
3
SPEAKER_00
Sunday hours or whatever.
3
SPEAKER_01
Was that the date of the pedicures and the pregnancy test?
3
SPEAKER_01
No, it was the day before.
3
SPEAKER_01
Because the day of the pregnancy test was the next day, because you were seeing if it had worked.
3
SPEAKER_01
Those 48 hours are nuts.
3
SPEAKER_01
Who gave us permission?
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, we just needed adults.
3
SPEAKER_01
That was nuts.
3
SPEAKER_01
And then I had that crazy thing with the trigger shot this time, too.
3
SPEAKER_01
Anyway, that s my fault.
3
SPEAKER_01
I can take responsibility for waiting till the fucking last minute.
3
SPEAKER_01
This is not that.
3
SPEAKER_01
This is, I have to make an appointment and blah, blah, blah.
3
SPEAKER_01
Now, what I m realizing is we didn t talk about your natal chart.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, and one more thing I want to say about my natal chart, which is very synced, is the opposite of me, truly the opposite, is Pisces.
3
SPEAKER_01
No way.
3
SPEAKER_01
In the chart?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
3
SPEAKER_01
She was like, do you have people… Because I have like no water in my chart.
3
SPEAKER_01
No way.
3
SPEAKER_01
Which makes sense.
3
SPEAKER_01
This is why I don t swim.
3
SPEAKER_01
I have so much water.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay, got it.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yep.
3
SPEAKER_01
It all makes sense.
3
SPEAKER_01
So then I was like, yeah, I have like close people in my life that are Pisces.
3
SPEAKER_01
And she was like, yeah, that s good for you.
3
SPEAKER_01
So that was good.
3
SPEAKER_01
That was good.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s good for you.
3
SPEAKER_01
So I probably should have let you talk more about the pet psychic.
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, no, it s okay.
3
SPEAKER_00
I ll get you there.
3
SPEAKER_00
I ll get you there.
3
SPEAKER_00
What s in my chart?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m so dramatic.
3
SPEAKER_00
Do you ever read your diet?
3
SPEAKER_00
Like what am I here?
3
SPEAKER_00
Why does every day?
3
SPEAKER_00
It s like, oh my God, Liz, chill.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay, birth chart business.
3
SPEAKER_00
This is what it says.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay, I m Aquarius rising.
3
SPEAKER_00
Also, my astrologist is Colin Bedell, and he s amazing.
3
SPEAKER_00
He s like legitimately the most wonderful person.
3
SPEAKER_00
The concept of shared humanity is primordial, and I need to invite people who are different from me.
3
SPEAKER_00
Sanct.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like Virgo s opposites.
3
SPEAKER_00
My planet… My ruling planet is Uranus.
3
SPEAKER_00
What s yours?
3
SPEAKER_00
Mercury.
3
SPEAKER_00
Ooh.
3
SPEAKER_00
I love Sailor Mercury so much.
3
SPEAKER_00
Sailor Moon reference.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Who was your favorite Sailor?
3
SPEAKER_00
I didn t see that.
3
SPEAKER_00
You didn t watch Sailor Moon?
3
SPEAKER_00
No.
3
SPEAKER_01
I didn t.
3
SPEAKER_00
You didn t get it?
3
SPEAKER_00
Or like… Wrong time?
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_00
I never… It was like inescapable for me.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_00
Montreal in 19… Whatever.
3
SPEAKER_01
Is it American or Canadian?
3
SPEAKER_01
It s Japanese.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s Japanese?
3
SPEAKER_01
I didn t have it.
3
SPEAKER_00
You weren t into it.
3
SPEAKER_01
You didn t have it.
3
SPEAKER_00
92 to 97.
3
SPEAKER_00
Ugh.
3
SPEAKER_00
Those were the days.
3
SPEAKER_00
92 through 97?
3
SPEAKER_00
What channel?
3
SPEAKER_00
It was on YTV but it s Canadian.
3
SPEAKER_00
What was your… What were the… What were the Sailor… What is it?
3
SPEAKER_00
It s like Sex and the City.
3
SPEAKER_00
But for like teenagers.
3
SPEAKER_00
Or like kids in the 90s.
3
SPEAKER_00
Sailor Moon was Kari Raja.
3
SPEAKER_00
Was it anime?
3
SPEAKER_00
It was.
3
SPEAKER_00
When I say Sailor Moon, do you know… Not really.
3
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
3
SPEAKER_01
Ish.
3
SPEAKER_01
Ish.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like I do know… I think I knew it was…
3
SPEAKER_01
animated.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s all I know.
3
SPEAKER_01
Early on ABC.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, ABC.
3
SPEAKER_01
Early, like 6 a.m.?
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t think it was as big.
3
SPEAKER_01
6.30 a.m.
3
SPEAKER_01
Eastern time.
3
SPEAKER_00
Ew, why would they do that?
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, that s why.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I don t think it was as big of a deal here.
3
SPEAKER_00
Keep it away from you.
3
SPEAKER_00
It was on it for every day.
3
SPEAKER_00
And my VCR, my dad programmed a VCR so that it would record
3
SPEAKER_00
at 4 p.m.
3
SPEAKER_00
every day because sometimes I would get home at like 4 11 and I didn t want to miss the beginning.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then when my grandmother died, my dad had this last video of her.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh no, no.
3
SPEAKER_00
Sailor Moon.
3
SPEAKER_00
You taped over it?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, Sailor Moon starts recording.
3
SPEAKER_00
And my dad was just like… You know this stuff that just could never happen now?
3
SPEAKER_00
Like you can t… Like things don t disappear.
3
SPEAKER_00
But like if you record it over something, it was gone forever.
3
SPEAKER_01
You erased your grandma for Sailor Moon.
3
SPEAKER_00
On purpose?
3
SPEAKER_00
No!
3
SPEAKER_00
Of course not.
3
SPEAKER_00
Of course not.
3
SPEAKER_00
By mistake.
3
SPEAKER_00
But why would you put me in charge of remembering to put a fresh tape and rewind it every day?
3
SPEAKER_00
It was a lot.
3
SPEAKER_00
So picey.
3
SPEAKER_00
They didn t know I had ADHD.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, look what it says.
3
SPEAKER_00
I match with Leo and Virgo.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
3
SPEAKER_00
I need to— Oh, my writing is not great.
3
SPEAKER_00
Because I need to ask confidence.
3
SPEAKER_00
Maybe I get confidence from you or I get direction.
3
SPEAKER_00
My moon sign is Sagittarius.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s written, stop emotional conspiracy.
3
SPEAKER_00
What s that mean?
3
SPEAKER_00
I think it means that I can become very, and it s true.
3
SPEAKER_00
I make up like, I ll realize many years later or later, I ll be like, oh, that was totally made up.
3
SPEAKER_00
But I will make, I will be like 100% certain that something happened and of a story.
3
SPEAKER_00
And it just like really wasn t.
3
SPEAKER_01
Just like how the pet Lula.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yes, it s true.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s definitely for sure happened.
3
SPEAKER_00
And she talked to Daryl.
3
SPEAKER_00
She got hyper because of the event.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, she got hyper because of the event.
3
SPEAKER_00
And she no longer— She turns around because she communicated with him.
3
SPEAKER_01
I wonder how many years it will take before you look at that and think like, huh, probably not.
3
SPEAKER_01
You let me know.
3
SPEAKER_01
You let me know.
3
SPEAKER_01
It feels so undeniably real to me.
3
SPEAKER_01
What else could explain it?
3
SPEAKER_01
That s a beautiful look.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s a beautiful thing.
3
SPEAKER_01
And like we talked about the dream with my grandpa, there are things that feel inexplicable.
3
SPEAKER_01
I do believe that.
3
SPEAKER_01
With that said, the pet thing, I can t get there.
3
SPEAKER_01
I can t get there.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m sorry.
3
SPEAKER_01
Support for Syncd comes from ZocDoc.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh boy.
3
SPEAKER_01
We love it.
3
SPEAKER_01
This is such a gift.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s incredible.
3
SPEAKER_00
ZocDoc.
3
SPEAKER_01
No, it is.
3
SPEAKER_01
We are very health obsessed.
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SPEAKER_00
me and you.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_00
And ZocDoc is an amazing place where you can find and book tens of thousands of top tier doctors, all with verified patient reviews.
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This is so important because if you need a specialist fast,
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SPEAKER_01
It can.
4
SPEAKER_01
I had to find a gynecologist in LA and I used ZocDoc and I found this incredible doctor because I could read all of the reviews.
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SPEAKER_01
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_01
And typically I would go with a woman, but it was a guy, but his reviews were so positive that I went with him and I was so happy.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I go back to the app so that I remember like, I ll go see another doctor and be like, when did you see him?
4
SPEAKER_01
What were the results?
4
SPEAKER_01
I can go back in the app and have access to everything so that I don t, you know.
4
SPEAKER_01
How are we supposed to keep track of all of this?
4
SPEAKER_00
No.
4
SPEAKER_01
ZocDoc is amazing.
4
SPEAKER_01
And it s free.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s actually insane that it s free.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s a free app.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s a website where you can search and compare high-rated in-network doctors near you and instantly book appointments with them online.
4
SPEAKER_00
Go to ZocDoc.com slash synced and download the ZocDoc app for free.
4
SPEAKER_00
Then find and book a top-rated doctor today.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s Z-O-C-D-O-C.com slash synced.
4
SPEAKER_00
S-Y-N-C-E-D.
4
SPEAKER_00
ZocDoc.com slash synced.
4
SPEAKER_01
Anyway, okay, more about your chart.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay, I mean, Uranus Disruption Storyteller is what it says.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh.
4
SPEAKER_01
What s interesting is I did this literally three months before the pandemic.
4
SPEAKER_01
It was like right before my book came out in 2019.
4
SPEAKER_01
So it says, career in 2019 will be big.
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, it was.
4
SPEAKER_01
It was, it was.
4
SPEAKER_01
That s true.
4
SPEAKER_01
I came onto Armchair in 2019.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, you did.
4
SPEAKER_01
And look at us now.
4
SPEAKER_00
Planted those seeds just like the Uber driver said.
4
SPEAKER_01
There we go.
4
SPEAKER_01
I have to give myself a permission slip to demand optimism.
4
SPEAKER_01
Ding, ding, ding.
4
SPEAKER_01
What we were just talking about.
4
SPEAKER_01
Demand unapologetic, rugged optimism.
4
SPEAKER_01
I like that.
4
SPEAKER_01
And remember, you aren t from this earth.
4
SPEAKER_01
Don t try and pretend.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s astrology, but he goes pretty deep.
4
SPEAKER_01
I think he might be a trained therapist too.
4
SPEAKER_01
And yeah, I remember it being a very powerful session.
4
SPEAKER_01
Birth charts are so fun.
4
SPEAKER_00
It is really cool.
4
SPEAKER_00
So you re a Pisces, Sun, Sagittarius, Moon, Aquarius, Rising.
4
SPEAKER_00
Interesting.
4
SPEAKER_01
I guess, but I thought I was double Pisces, which is now I m confused about that reading.
4
SPEAKER_01
I have it in my co-star that I m double Pisces in my chart.
4
SPEAKER_00
But are you Pisces in a different— Maybe in a— Maybe in a different— But those are the top three.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_01
I just know that— I did Reiki once, and the woman literally stopped and was like, I am drowning.
4
SPEAKER_01
There s so much water in your, like— So it s so funny that— Yeah, I m extra watery, and you re extra dry.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
Truly, I think the mix of the both of us would make my ideal person.
4
SPEAKER_01
Not my ideal person, but it would, like I m way too much of a Pisces.
4
SPEAKER_01
I would like it to be a little toned down at times.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m just very emotional.
4
SPEAKER_00
Sure.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I wish I could be more like you.
4
SPEAKER_00
Dead inside.
4
SPEAKER_00
No.
4
SPEAKER_00
Well, it s all about balance.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s all about balance.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s right.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s how we found each other.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay, let s do some questions and then you re going to reveal the name of my essay.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
Ooh.
4
SPEAKER_00
This is, do I break up my family for true love?
4
SPEAKER_00
Anonymous.
4
SPEAKER_00
You all are amazing.
4
SPEAKER_00
You too, Rob.
4
SPEAKER_00
But in the interest of time, I will spare the praise and just dive in.
4
SPEAKER_00
About seven years ago, I was dating my now husband when I unexpectedly formed a strong connection with someone else.
4
SPEAKER_00
It was a really difficult time.
4
SPEAKER_00
I ultimately chose the man who I thought maybe I could build a more comfortable life with.
4
SPEAKER_00
And we do have a very nice life.
4
SPEAKER_00
We have bought a cute home and are raising two beautiful boys.
4
SPEAKER_00
I am happy.
4
SPEAKER_00
But I have always had the other man pop in my head every once in a while.
4
SPEAKER_00
A few weeks ago, I messaged him just to see what he was up to.
4
SPEAKER_00
I will admit it was not my best idea.
4
SPEAKER_00
While catching up, I realize that I absolutely love this man, like the princess bride type of true love.
4
SPEAKER_00
I haven t told him, but I know he still loves me too.
4
SPEAKER_00
Now I find myself exactly where I was seven years ago, but this time I know how real these feelings are and I am married with a family.
4
SPEAKER_00
Do I dare break up my family to be with him because that would make me the happiest or do I live with my decision and be relatively happy and comfortable where I am and not throw my family s life into a bit of chaos?
4
SPEAKER_00
This is a hard question.
4
SPEAKER_00
I think it s common.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
I think almost everyone.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, has some level of this.
4
SPEAKER_01
Has some person.
4
SPEAKER_01
Kind of the one that got away.
4
SPEAKER_01
I mean, there s a little term for it.
4
SPEAKER_01
No, but it s true, right?
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
I feel like I reference this movie all the time, but it really helps me understand these situations, everything, everywhere, all at once.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like, there is a universe where you are with him, but there s a universe where you re not.
4
SPEAKER_00
This one.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, exactly.
4
SPEAKER_01
The one that you re in right now.
4
SPEAKER_01
The choice is, do you want to change universes?
4
SPEAKER_00
entirely.
4
SPEAKER_00
Right.
4
SPEAKER_00
But the problem is you re not changing universes.
4
SPEAKER_00
You re doing a weird combination.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then that look, this is one of these questions where unfortunately, and I wish we can t tell you what to do here.
4
SPEAKER_00
I wish we could, but all we can do is say, imagine individual moments in the future and picture how you ll feel.
4
SPEAKER_00
How will you feel waking up in a house that your kids aren t there half the time?
4
SPEAKER_00
Also, by the way, that could be okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
50% of people are divorced.
4
SPEAKER_00
You re not doing anything crazy radical by making that decision, but it s what you feel comfortable living your day-to-day life with.
4
SPEAKER_00
Do you feel comfortable with your kids being in a different house half the time, potentially having a stepmother?
4
SPEAKER_00
Those pieces that we don t really think about when we re in these love spirals.
4
SPEAKER_00
practical pieces of life.
4
SPEAKER_00
I think once you walk through those, you can then really make your decision.
4
SPEAKER_00
And again, we can t tell you what the decision is.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s just a matter of really dissecting those pieces.
4
SPEAKER_01
Because right now you re comparing reality
4
SPEAKER_01
with a fantasy.
4
SPEAKER_01
Fantasy, exactly.
4
SPEAKER_01
And going with the fantasy will turn into its own reality with, again, all of the things that you re listing.
4
SPEAKER_01
Custody conversations and court dates and difficult conversations with your kids and all of the unplannable parts of it.
4
SPEAKER_01
And yeah, I think we have to normalize that marriage, like marriage is about love, but it s actually not as much about love as we think it is.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s really a choice.
4
SPEAKER_01
And so our relationships, yes, you want to like the person and without the feelings, it s difficult.
4
SPEAKER_01
But at the end of the day, like it is a choice and it s a decision that you make and it s a commitment that you make.
4
SPEAKER_01
And the fact that you are interested, attracted, curious about other people does not mean that you made the wrong choice.
4
SPEAKER_01
That s normal.
4
SPEAKER_01
Exactly.
4
SPEAKER_01
It is.
4
SPEAKER_00
Also, you re saying that you are relatively happy.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s like, ugh, relatively happy when what you are imagining this other life to be is celestial.
4
SPEAKER_00
Right now, it s so heightened.
4
SPEAKER_00
But if you do decide to make this decision and you re with that person, he s going to have annoying habits as well.
4
SPEAKER_00
And he s going to have the, not to say you won t love him, but that might become relatively happy as well over time.
4
SPEAKER_00
Because often that s what being intimate with the person is.
4
SPEAKER_00
Also, the fact that you are saying you re relatively happy.
4
SPEAKER_00
If you were saying, I m miserable and I don t know what to do because I love this other person.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t like this person I m with, but I don t want to break up my family.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s a bit of a different question because you do need to be at the center of your life and not be miserable.
4
SPEAKER_00
But being relatively happy might be okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s kind of the baseline we re all in.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Also, by the way, there s no such thing as happy, really.
4
SPEAKER_00
Happy is a state that you come in and out of.
4
SPEAKER_00
So it s not something you achieve and then you have it.
4
SPEAKER_00
So this person that you are in love with, you ll have moments of happiness with, and then you ll have moments of sadness.
4
SPEAKER_00
pain and everything that comes with life.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s not like, I ll be happier with them.
4
SPEAKER_01
But of course, that s how it feels.
4
SPEAKER_01
Of course.
4
SPEAKER_01
Right.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I think your advice is really good of think about it a year from now.
4
SPEAKER_01
What does it feel like when all of the magic and the butterflies have kind of faded away and the shine of being with this person finally after thinking about them and lusting after them?
4
SPEAKER_01
What does that day to day feel like?
4
SPEAKER_01
Because that s what you should be comparing it to your current life.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I also think, like, when I find myself doing that in relationships—not doing that, but we all have moments, and whether it s thinking back on an ex, or connecting with someone that you almost had a fling with but didn t, or something like that, or having a crush, I feel that I do that when I m like— I ask myself, what am I avoiding?
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, because I feel like it s usually when there s something in the relationship that I m not happy with, or not super satisfied with, or maybe, again, it s just like, it s fine.
4
SPEAKER_01
But I would like it to be great.
4
SPEAKER_01
And so instead of going outside of the relationship in order to try and fix that, staying in the relationship and being like, how can I make this from fine to great?
4
SPEAKER_01
And talking to your husband about it.
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t think you have to talk about this person.
4
SPEAKER_00
I wouldn t.
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t recommend.
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t think so.
4
SPEAKER_01
that s going to be helpful.
4
SPEAKER_01
No, I think we re like sometimes way too honest.
4
SPEAKER_01
There s some things that it s okay to keep for you, but I would just be like, I want to have fun.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like what can we do differently?
4
SPEAKER_01
Can we set a date night?
4
SPEAKER_01
Can we play around in the bedroom?
4
SPEAKER_01
And you know what I mean?
4
SPEAKER_01
Like just address it within the relationship and maybe you ll find that those feelings about that other person will just kind of fade away.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Also be gentle with yourself and this is common and
5
SPEAKER_00
Natural.
5
SPEAKER_00
Totally.
5
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_00
This is a really good batch.
5
SPEAKER_00
How do you come back from a landmine of a lie?
5
SPEAKER_00
Faked a few orgasms with my boyfriend of six years, and now I feel I m too far into a lie to turn back.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s from anonymous.
5
SPEAKER_00
Hi, Monica and Liz Anonymous here.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m a 29-year-old woman in a long-term relationship since college with a man my same age.
5
SPEAKER_00
He s wonderful, and I m an open book with him about literally everything except for this one horrible lie.
5
SPEAKER_00
At the start of the pandemic, I was going through a rough patch where I wasn t feeling into intimacy, and instead of just being upfront about not feeling sexy and in tune with my body, I faked a few what I call charity orgasms.
5
SPEAKER_00
to just try to get through this patch without making him feel whatever I was afraid of.
5
SPEAKER_00
Unwanted, two years later, and I m still head over heels for my partner, feeling much more frisky, and our intimate life is great, except I m still faking it most of the time because now he thinks one plus one equals three, and it never did.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m so scared to reveal this, what feels like massive deception, but want him to know that I need a little more time to get there.
5
SPEAKER_00
Anyway, this is probably a silly question, but I d love your take.
5
SPEAKER_00
Thank you both for all that you do.
5
SPEAKER_00
This is great.
5
SPEAKER_00
I have an immediate thought.
5
SPEAKER_00
I don t think you need to say,
5
SPEAKER_00
Give the whole context that you lied and that blah blah blah.
5
SPEAKER_00
I think you can still at any point in a relationship Say what you want and need and like yeah, maybe you present it more of a of I m really liking Spending a little more time in foreplay or making out before like say what you want to happen more of
5
SPEAKER_00
I don t think she should say she lied about it, do you?
5
SPEAKER_01
I know, that s what I m trying to think.
5
SPEAKER_01
Rob, how would you feel if a woman was like, I ve been faking it?
5
SPEAKER_02
Not great.
5
SPEAKER_02
She needs to just stop faking it.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
5
SPEAKER_02
Because her sexual appetite can change.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s what I mean.
5
SPEAKER_00
I think it s more like, now I m liking this.
5
SPEAKER_02
Missionary doesn t work anymore.
5
SPEAKER_00
Right.
5
SPEAKER_02
Let s try something else.
5
SPEAKER_01
I would share…
5
SPEAKER_01
I d been feeling weird about my body and like share those parts and say for a while I was kind of in a funk sexually but now I m feeling this way and this is what I m really into now.
5
SPEAKER_01
I would be honest about the emotional aspects of it.
5
SPEAKER_00
Well if she s in it, I think probably what happened is
5
SPEAKER_00
she just immediately came, even though she didn t, right?
5
SPEAKER_00
And so he s like, yes, like this, this is the button.
5
SPEAKER_00
This is the, yes, this is the button.
5
SPEAKER_00
And now she actually wants to be sexual and not just get it over with.
5
SPEAKER_00
And so he s banging on that key.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, she s going to have to say like, I want to explore more of this, or I m really liking when we spend a little more time here.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I think that s the only way to do it.
5
SPEAKER_00
I don t think revealing that you had been faking
5
SPEAKER_00
Just because men s egos are so fragile.
5
SPEAKER_00
They are.
5
SPEAKER_00
They are.
5
SPEAKER_00
I mean, women s are too.
5
SPEAKER_01
Right.
5
SPEAKER_01
I would feel really humiliated.
5
SPEAKER_01
Exactly.
5
SPEAKER_01
If my boyfriend was like, yeah, I ve been faking it this whole time.
5
SPEAKER_01
I know.
5
SPEAKER_01
I d be rethinking.
5
SPEAKER_01
Exactly.
5
SPEAKER_01
But you know that guys do that, right?
5
SPEAKER_01
Guys do fake.
5
SPEAKER_01
Well, not if you can see the evidence.
5
SPEAKER_01
I know, but if they re, you know, condoms and stuff like that, they will fake.
5
SPEAKER_01
Not as often as women, but it happens.
5
SPEAKER_01
Don t you think that s harder to do, though?
5
SPEAKER_01
Because if they re flaccid, you know.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
5
SPEAKER_01
But they want it to be over sometimes, and so they ll fake it.
5
SPEAKER_01
Oh.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I could see that.
5
SPEAKER_00
But anyway— Also, it s fine.
5
SPEAKER_01
Everyone s egos are so freaking fragile.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s fine.
5
SPEAKER_01
You re naked.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s like the most— I know.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s vulnerable.
5
SPEAKER_01
Vulnerable.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, exactly.
5
SPEAKER_01
So I prefer when there s a base of truth.
5
SPEAKER_01
I feel like, especially with a conversation like this, you don t want to start with a lie.
5
SPEAKER_01
I would just be open about the fact that, yeah, you were feeling weird about your body.
5
SPEAKER_00
But it doesn t make sense for her to say, I was feeling weird about my body, and that s why I was coming so fast.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, she can say, like, I just didn t really want to have sex for a long time.
5
SPEAKER_01
I was able to come really fast, but now I d like to actually, like— That doesn t make any—
5
SPEAKER_01
Yes, men don t understand our bodies.
5
SPEAKER_00
They don t get it.
5
SPEAKER_01
They won t ask questions.
5
SPEAKER_01
Guys don t know.
5
SPEAKER_00
Guys don t get it.
5
SPEAKER_00
But why?
5
SPEAKER_00
She doesn t need to include that part.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I don t think it s necessary.
5
SPEAKER_00
There s no reason.
5
SPEAKER_00
You just talk about what you want now.
5
SPEAKER_00
There s no reason to talk about what happened.
5
SPEAKER_00
Unless it happens again.
5
SPEAKER_00
If it happens again and you re feeling not very sexual, then start anew, right?
5
SPEAKER_00
Like, don t do this again.
5
SPEAKER_02
And if she stops faking it, he ll begin to realize that whatever is happening isn t working.
5
SPEAKER_00
But yeah, he s going to be like, I don t understand what s been happening for the past three years.
5
SPEAKER_00
Well, which is why don t fake it.
5
SPEAKER_00
Just say like, I want to do this more.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like, just be honest about what you want, as opposed to what s not happening.
5
SPEAKER_01
The reason I guess why I m saying talk about your body, talk about yourself, is that like, then there s like a context to the conversation rather than like, it just starting from a point of I don t like what you re doing.
5
SPEAKER_01
right?
5
SPEAKER_01
Because that s how it can be received, which that s fine.
5
SPEAKER_01
But if you want it to be just a kinder way into it, yeah, you can make it about yourself and say like how you re feeling about your body and what you d like.
5
SPEAKER_01
I think a really good hack, even if you re doing it with your partner, like these conversations can be kind of stressful or, you know, difficult.
5
SPEAKER_01
So you can start by saying like, what would you like to explore more of?
5
SPEAKER_01
And then you let him talk about what he wants.
5
SPEAKER_01
And then that gives you like a perfect opportunity to say what you want and want to change.
5
SPEAKER_00
I think also if this happens well one time where you are able to say like, can we try more foreplay tonight or something, and then you love it, your honest reaction will probably seem, because it s real, much better to him than whatever fake orgasm was happening.
5
SPEAKER_00
And my guess is once he sees that, he ll be more willing to like redo that over and over again because it s a real pleasure.
5
SPEAKER_00
And if you also emphasize after the fact, if it s real, that was so fun, or that was so good, or that, again, a lot of it s ego.
5
SPEAKER_00
It is.
5
SPEAKER_00
If you reiterate when you re actually feeling good and when he s actually made you feel good, that s not the word, but you know what I mean.
5
SPEAKER_00
It is.
5
SPEAKER_00
Then I feel like that will just perpetuate, because that s what s happened in this fake world too.
5
SPEAKER_01
he s like, oh, this is what works.
5
SPEAKER_01
Well, of course.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I understand where she s coming from is that because he won t do other things.
5
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
5
SPEAKER_01
He s just going to keep going again, whatever he s doing.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, exactly.
5
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
5
SPEAKER_01
Which is why she has to be like, can you try this?
5
SPEAKER_01
It s so funny because I feel like this is the opposite problem that so many guys have.
5
SPEAKER_01
I thought this just happened to me, but then I saw a TikTok about it and there were all these likes on it.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, okay, I know this is a problem for the mass population where like,
5
SPEAKER_01
you will be about to come and you ll like tell the guy, if there are any men who are listening, what that means is keep doing what you re doing because it s— I m not there yet.
5
SPEAKER_01
I m not there yet, but I m almost there.
5
SPEAKER_01
We re on the home stretch.
5
SPEAKER_01
And often guys, instead of keeping doing what they re doing, they will then get really excited like a puppy and start doing it faster.
5
SPEAKER_01
You re like, no, now the rhythm is messed up.
5
SPEAKER_01
Now whatever was happening— I m out of it.
5
SPEAKER_01
out of it, and then they get even more flustered and puppy-ish, because now you re not coming.
5
SPEAKER_01
When we say we re about to come, don t just— Don t freak out.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, don t freak out.
5
SPEAKER_01
It means literally, whatever you re doing, you keep doing it, because it s working.
5
SPEAKER_01
And so, I relate to where he s just like doing a thing.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s like, that s not the thing.
5
SPEAKER_00
To be fair to him, he got validation for that.
5
SPEAKER_00
And that s fine.
5
SPEAKER_00
Whatever.
5
SPEAKER_00
I think you can slowly move the needle by adding in what you want to try.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s like, can we try?
5
SPEAKER_00
It s not like, I know this is what works for me now.
5
SPEAKER_00
And it s just like, ooh, can we try this?
5
SPEAKER_01
It could be like, I used to like that, but I don t really like it anymore.
5
SPEAKER_01
Or even like using a sex toy, right?
5
SPEAKER_01
And being like, can I show you what I like?
5
SPEAKER_01
Could also be a way to do it.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, well, keep us updated on how that goes.
5
SPEAKER_00
Why don t we do one more short one?
5
SPEAKER_00
Okay, well, I don t know if this is short.
5
SPEAKER_00
Ooh, all of ours today are anonymous.
5
SPEAKER_00
How to cope with not feeling chosen wanted.
5
SPEAKER_00
Hi guys, I was wondering if you had advice for coping with feeling unwanted.
5
SPEAKER_00
I ve been on the dating apps for years and met plenty of people, but nothing has stuck.
5
SPEAKER_00
On multiple occasions, I ve remained friends with the guys, but this leaves me wondering if anyone will ever choose slash want me as their partner.
5
SPEAKER_00
I have a big personality and want very specific things, so perhaps the problem is partly me, but I can t help but feel jealous that so many people successfully find a partner that chooses to be with them, love them, day after day, and I can t even get a text reply. 
5
SPEAKER_00
I can relate to this so much.
5
SPEAKER_00
One thing that has helped me when I m really in a funk of how is everyone just in a relationship?
5
SPEAKER_00
Like everyone else is getting picked and I m the last one in the kickball line, like not getting chosen.
5
SPEAKER_00
But then I zoom out and I look at those relationships.
5
SPEAKER_00
Do I want to be in a relationship with that person?
5
SPEAKER_00
Almost always the answer is no.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s reframing.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s reframing of you not getting chosen.
5
SPEAKER_00
Because it takes two people to choose each other.
5
SPEAKER_00
By the way, I m not like, rejection hurts.
5
SPEAKER_00
It hurts even if you don t like the person.
5
SPEAKER_00
It feels so weird.
5
SPEAKER_00
But I think it s a matter of understanding.
5
SPEAKER_00
You wouldn t want to be chosen by a lot of these people to begin with.
5
SPEAKER_01
100%.
5
SPEAKER_01
I also want to say I feel the same way on the apps.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I am very, very seriously considering just getting rid of all of them.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I was just reading actually this Bustle article that was called like, dating apps are in their flop era.
5
SPEAKER_01
And it s sort of what you re saying.
5
SPEAKER_01
That the majority of people who are on the apps are feeling the exact same way that you are feeling.
5
SPEAKER_01
Almost like two years ago felt like the golden era of people meeting
6
SPEAKER_00
on dating apps and getting married and lasting marriages, but you don t really hear it that much anymore.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I think that, first of all, there s all kinds of weird financial things.
6
SPEAKER_00
Like it used to be free.
6
SPEAKER_00
It used to just be like a social networking app and you just would join it.
6
SPEAKER_00
And now there s like all these things you have to pay
6
SPEAKER_00
to be at the top of the line.
6
SPEAKER_00
If you re not, then you don t get access to certain things and they kind of keep people away from you.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s really gamified in a way that unfortunately makes you feel that it s your fault, but it s really the way that the product is designed.
6
SPEAKER_00
You are in a different mindset when you are on a dating app and when you go on dates from dating apps than when you re just meeting someone in the wild.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I felt that where I m even acting differently.
6
SPEAKER_00
Interesting.
6
SPEAKER_00
How so?
6
SPEAKER_00
I think that I m much more judgmental.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s much more of like an interview than it would otherwise be because I don t know you.
6
SPEAKER_00
And so I m not looking for things that are wrong with you.
6
SPEAKER_00
But kind of.
6
SPEAKER_00
Kind of.
6
SPEAKER_00
Like I m not starting from 100% because there s no point of— There s no base of trust anywhere.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s not even like, my friend knows this person.
6
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
6
SPEAKER_00
Or we go to the same blah, blah, blah.
6
SPEAKER_00
Hey stranger, I ve seen five photos of you and know your astrology sign.
6
SPEAKER_00
Like, that s it.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I went on this really good date right before Christmas and had the most, one of the worst experiences.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s kind of funny.
6
SPEAKER_00
I ll get into it next week.
6
SPEAKER_00
Oh no, cliffhanger?
6
SPEAKER_00
Basically, I fucked it, but it s funny, so it s fine.
6
SPEAKER_00
Wait, you have to tell us.
6
SPEAKER_00
What happened?
6
SPEAKER_00
Wait, you said it was the best date?
6
SPEAKER_00
Well, it was the best date, and then, like, it s not the best now.
6
SPEAKER_00
It was one of the best first dates I ve ever been on, and then one of the most confusing whatever happened afterwards.
6
SPEAKER_00
So, okay, I m on the dating app.
6
SPEAKER_00
I see this guy, and you know, when there s more than one guy in the photo, Elaine Moore saying—I think she says, like,
6
SPEAKER_00
If you re looking for which one it is, it s never the hot one.
6
SPEAKER_00
And so it s two group photos.
6
SPEAKER_00
I m already kind of about to swipe away.
6
SPEAKER_00
And then the third photo is like the hottest photo I ve ever seen.
6
SPEAKER_00
Like in a bathing suit, has like a body of like a Hercules.
6
SPEAKER_00
And then the fourth and the fifth, I m realizing, oh, it s the super hot one in the corner of the photo.
6
SPEAKER_00
So anyway, I send him a message.
6
SPEAKER_00
I m like, hey, I have major notes on your dating profile.
6
SPEAKER_00
Don t take it the wrong way.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I do at one point, I thought this would be like a side business for me because I do feel like a lot of men need a lot of support.
6
SPEAKER_00
We re very good at taking photos of ourselves or our friends are good at taking photos of us.
6
SPEAKER_00
Our appearance is much more valued in society.
6
SPEAKER_00
And so I think we re better at presenting ourselves than men are by virtue of that.
6
SPEAKER_00
So anyway, whatever, I was like, I ll help this guy out, but also like, he s cute.
6
SPEAKER_00
And then we have this back and forth and I was like, okay, you need to rearrange this photo.
6
SPEAKER_00
I like told him how to rearrange the whole thing.
6
SPEAKER_00
As we re talking, I m like, now I m just basically setting him up to just have so many options.
6
SPEAKER_00
And then we d laugh about that, but then we went on a date and it was great.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, oh my God.
6
SPEAKER_00
And then we talked over the break.
6
SPEAKER_00
And he would send me, like, these long messages, but then, like, I don t hear from him for a few days.
6
SPEAKER_00
And then these long messages of, like, so many details and, like, things about the future we re going to do, and then nothing.
6
SPEAKER_00
So it s very confusing.
6
SPEAKER_00
My thinking is, oh, I made his profile so much better.
6
SPEAKER_00
He s probably going on other dates.
6
SPEAKER_00
Because, again, I know he s interested, but he s clearly not prioritizing whatever s happening.
6
SPEAKER_00
I feel like that s how I act when I m seeing multiple people.
6
SPEAKER_00
But that s like a dating app.
6
SPEAKER_00
You met on a place where they re meeting people.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
just at a party, right?
6
SPEAKER_00
Where you re like, oh, I m getting to talk to someone who s doing an interesting PhD in astrophysics.
6
SPEAKER_00
And then I m talking to this person that made a good plate of nachos.
6
SPEAKER_00
And oh, there s this cute girl in the corner.
6
SPEAKER_00
You re literally in a place where you re primed to assess people and to be judging people and to feel like you have many options and to compare those options.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it s a comparison game.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, this very long winded way of answering that dating apps can be a good tool if you limit how much you use them and you don t sort of rely on them as the way that you re going to sort of meet your partner.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s a meeting app.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s not a dating app.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s just a way to meet people.
6
SPEAKER_02
framing it.
6
SPEAKER_02
That s amazing context.
6
SPEAKER_02
And that could be a big part of it.
6
SPEAKER_02
It s just that s the avenue you re using.
6
SPEAKER_02
And so it s going to lead to more of these feelings of rejection.
6
SPEAKER_02
But for your own personal sake, and you said you have a big personality and you re starting to question like, is that why?
6
SPEAKER_02
No, that s who you are.
6
SPEAKER_02
And what s the point of being with someone who doesn t like big personalities?
6
SPEAKER_02
You have one and you don t need to dampen that or change yourself.
6
SPEAKER_02
You re you and you re going to find the person who loves big personalities and it s going to be a perfect fit.
6
SPEAKER_02
And that s great.
6
SPEAKER_02
It might take a little longer, but you also have to understand it s a two-way street.
6
SPEAKER_02
You re not just getting chosen.
6
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
6
SPEAKER_00
The person that s meant for you is going to be so excited to meet you.
6
SPEAKER_02
They can t wait.
6
SPEAKER_02
Try not to let it affect your self-esteem and sort of to our point earlier in this episode, move your attention to the places that are giving you self-esteem.
6
SPEAKER_02
Hot girl hobby.
6
SPEAKER_02
Hot girl hobbies and maybe take yourself out of
6
SPEAKER_02
this dating web for a second.
6
SPEAKER_02
If it s making you feel that way, just stop it for a second.
6
SPEAKER_02
It ll be there.
6
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
6
SPEAKER_02
This was wonderful.
6
SPEAKER_02
Liz, what is the name of my essay?
6
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
6
SPEAKER_00
I have been thinking about it long and hard through this episode, and I feel like it should be Seize the Day.
6
SPEAKER_00
Seize the Day.
6
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
6
SPEAKER_02
Seize the Day.
6
SPEAKER_02
On February 9th, or whenever we record that s around February 9th, the week of.
6
SPEAKER_02
We record February 9th.
6
SPEAKER_02
Oh, perfect.
6
SPEAKER_02
Of course we do.
6
SPEAKER_01
Of course we do.
6
SPEAKER_01
Then you will be singing and playing guitar.
6
SPEAKER_01
Oh my god, I forgot about that.
6
SPEAKER_01
Thanks, Rob, about breakups.
6
SPEAKER_01
Well.
6
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
6
SPEAKER_01
You handed that out.
6
SPEAKER_01
I did.
6
SPEAKER_02
I feel like sad is easier to pull off than happy.
6
SPEAKER_01
No, not at all.
6
SPEAKER_01
Whatever, you said you wanted a challenge.
6
SPEAKER_02
I know, it s too late.
6
SPEAKER_02
My tears were a cachet on guitar and vocals.
6
SPEAKER_02
And I will be reading an essay that I ve written.
6
SPEAKER_00
Oh, shit.
6
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
6
SPEAKER_02
That s a lot.
6
SPEAKER_02
Are we allowed?
6
SPEAKER_02
Like, is it going to cost us money?
6
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, it ll be fine.
6
SPEAKER_02
I don t think we have the budget.
6
SPEAKER_02
I think it ll be fine.
6
SPEAKER_02
All right.
6
SPEAKER_02
Well, I will see you next week.
6
SPEAKER_02
See you.
6
SPEAKER_02
Bye.