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My name is Lee Hawkins.
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I ve been a journalist for over 25 years.
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On my new podcast, What Happened in Alabama, I get answers to some of the hardest questions about how things came to be for many black Americans and the truth that must come before any reconciliation can happen.
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I investigate my family history, my upbringing in Minnesota, and my father s painful nightmares about growing up in Alabama.
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What Happened in Alabama is a new series confronting the cycles of trauma for myself, my family, and for many Black Americans.
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Listen now.
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Listeners, I know I say don t ask, but I also know you need advice.
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And luckily, I have some incredible guests who are all too happy to help you out.
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Someone like Reese Witherspoon or David Sedaris or Sarah Cooper.
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So what is on your mind?
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Etiquette queries?
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Relationship predicaments?
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Work woes?
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Maybe you want to step into my confession booth and ask for advice about something you ve never told anyone.
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It s all fair game.
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You know what to do.
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Go to DontAskTig.org or call 833-933-4222.
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275-8444.
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That s 833-ASK-TIG-4 and leave me a voicemail if I don t pick up because it is the direct line to my kitchen and it s an old phone that hangs on my kitchen wall there.
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So if I m cooking, hanging out in the kitchen eating, I ll definitely answer the phone.
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But if not, leave a voicemail.
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And I want you to say hello again to me and my face on my hello again tour, which I m doing right now.
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I m literally on the road in a hotel room in Durham, North Carolina.
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So go to my other website, TigNotaro.com and get a seat to come see me live and also in person in your city or one nearby.
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or one of your choosing.
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But again, I m ready to say hello to your face.
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Hello again.
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So, come do the same.
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Okay, on with the show.
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Did you ever imagine finding yourself in Mississippi?
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It s still really surprising that that s where you came from.
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I remember the Airbnb I was at had this, she had this whole picture made of human hair.
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It was so freaking weird.
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Something from like generations of her family had given up hanks of their hair to make this crazy picture.
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And anyway, it was just like, wow.
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But I don t think that represents the rest of the town.
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No, they don t have pictures of human hair.
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Come on.
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No, no, I don t know of any.
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It s not like, oh, come on back to Mississippi with me, meet all the crazy people, you know, and all the crazy things they do with human hair.
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I m not sure I believe you, but go on with your story.
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All right.
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It s your podcast.
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This is Don t Ask Tig, I m Tig Notaro.
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It s the year 2022 and I m beginning to suspect
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The asking is never going to end.
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With me now is an actor and singer who plays the lead role of private investigator Alexa Crow on the Acorn TV series, My Life is Murder.
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You can see her in shows like Ash vs. Evil Dead, Parks and Recreation, and Battlestar Galactica.
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She s loved globally for her portrayal of the title role in Xena Warrior Princess.
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Lucy Lawless, my dear old pal, it is beyond a pleasure to have you on Don t Ask Tig.
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This is a highlight for me, darling.
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Is it?
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No, I m delighted.
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Yeah, it is.
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Lucy, we go way back.
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How would you describe our way backness?
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Well, so Tig worked for my husband, and he said she was kind of a terrible assistant, but she was so funny, we had to keep her around.
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And at some point they were like, we ve got to get her out of the office.
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Send her to look after Lucy s kid while Lucy s doing publicity.
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So you were babysitter of the artist formerly known as Xena.
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And my daughter just has the funniest tales from riding in the car with you.
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And you were a highlight of my daughter s life too.
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It was such a fun experience.
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I got to go take your daughter on roller coasters.
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I didn t even ride them actually.
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You guys are into roller coasters, not me, but I took her and I found my fun along the way, driving there with her and hanging out in the amusement parks and taking her to lunch and whatever was going on.
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It was inspirational for her anyway.
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She s kept up your legacy in some way.
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Oh, good.
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Yeah.
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When I worked for Rob, your husband, it was during the days of Xena.
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Yeah.
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And then we ve kept in touch, even though sometimes you live in this country, sometimes you re off in another country.
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And in fact, you even came out to Mississippi for... For your wedding!
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For my wedding.
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That was amazing.
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We were happy to have you.
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Oh, it was delightful.
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Thank you.
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And you were born in a suburb of Auckland, New Zealand.
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And your father was the mayor of your town.
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Right.
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And your great-grandfather immigrated to New Zealand from Ireland under some questionable legal circumstances.
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There was some consternation about the circumstances under which he left Ireland.
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And was Ryan even really his name?
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So because maybe he had shot a policeman or is it apocryphal, nobody knows the truth.
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Are you going for the lawless link?
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No, we re just tracking over the generations, the lineage, you know, you go all the way to a TV star, a television icon.
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Right.
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I know lawless comes from your prior marriage.
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Right.
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I know you re Lucy Ryan.
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Yeah, yeah.
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It is kind of amazing because there was nobody in New Zealand who had done
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it before I had gone off and being big in, certainly not in America.
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There were a couple of actors in England whose name you might not know, but you re a bit of an outlier.
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If you said that s what you wanted to do.
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Yeah.
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And, um, fortunately my parents didn t tell me I couldn t and, and.
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If they had, maybe I wouldn t have believed them.
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You just learn to achieve quietly in New Zealand.
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Otherwise, somebody s going to pummel you, you know, and tell you who do you think you are, that you want to be, you want to be world famous.
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You know, there s that kind of **** from my brothers.
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What do you suppose is on the horizon for the rest of your people down the line here?
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Well, my kids, my boys are scientists and my daughter is a ceramicist and she made a really cute short film called Edith Gibson has $3,000.
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Don t ask what it s about.
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This of course is the daughter that- That you look after, yeah.
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Yeah, that I looked after.
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Oh, Tig, you gotta look up this film.
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Edith Gibson has 3,000 dolls, because you get Daisy s humor in it, and she actually appears in it momentarily.
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Oh, nice.
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But she directed and put this thing together, just quirky as hell.
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Anyway, our neighbor, Edith Gibson, growing up, eventually took to dolls in her dotage and ended up with thousands of them.
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It s one of those little moves that takes you on a journey from derision to real compassion at the end, like you learn something and in fact she becomes an inspirational character.
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That s the best kind of documentary, you know, where you come out a little changed.
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Of course, yeah.
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Because they showed you not only something about the world, but made you feel something different for another human being.
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So it s a documentary.
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Yeah, it s only 12 or 13 minutes long.
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Okay.
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Now, Lucy, lesbian icon to lesbian icon.
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Yeah.
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What does that mean?
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Strictly tweak stars, yes.
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What does it mean to you?
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What has it meant to you?
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Like the greatest fans on the planet.
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I mean, you certainly made me cooler before I could even call myself a lesbian.
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Well, guess what?
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Payback s a bitch, sister.
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Listen, I ll pay you back for the rest of my life.
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What does it mean?
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I don t see gay, I just see people.
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No, but back in the days when that was a really a big thing, they made the show hip and cool and recognize that and made it.
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Yeah, they made it cool first.
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They gave it a groove, so to speak.
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And I was always really grateful to that and felt very loyal and protective of them.
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as a minority.
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And yeah, if you stick with the fans, they stick with you and they ve just been the greatest fans ever.
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Yeah.
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Oh, my gosh.
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Your fans are so loyal.
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It s it s really something.
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They re amazing.
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All right.
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And so the question now becomes, are you a natural advice giver?
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No, no, not much.
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I don t know.
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Let s see.
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Let s see.
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I usually don t think I have any moral lead to stand on, but let s go for it.
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I like your questions.
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I like your questions.
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So
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All right, so let s have you wield your worldly wisdom for my listeners out there who need help.
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Yep.
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Our first question is about a daughter who is driving her mother nuts.
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Nancy writes,
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My 20-year-old daughter is addicted to her cell phone and social media.
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When she comes home for breaks from college, she can t stop looking at her phone during all of our family interactions.
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When she was growing up, we set rules about her cell phone, but now that she is 20, her father and I would like to stop being the phone dictators.
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We also don t want to spend the precious time with her over her breaks from school, arguing about her rude phone behavior.
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Is there an effective way to get her to recognize how this is ruining our time together?
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Cry, cry, cry a lot.
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I don t know what I would do in this.
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And I really applaud her for not wanting to be the thought police, right?
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Because she s the boss of her, really.
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So maybe she just doesn t want to be there.
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Yeah, I don t know.
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I mean, it feels like when I was younger, you and I are roughly the same age-ish.
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I felt like getting drunk or getting pregnant was the big concern, whereas it seems like now with cell phones,
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there s different problems that are happening because the disconnection and isolation is causing this intense level of depression or anxiety and loss of ability to communicate and deal with real life.
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That is horrible.
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I know.
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And I feel like when there s the phone addiction that replaces actual connection and communication,
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kids and people are getting bored by the actual conversations with human beings.
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You know, they don t have the attention span to sit and communicate and have conversations.
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So what should she do, Tig?
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What should she do?
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I mean, I know she doesn t want to police, but I ve heard people that do this when their kids come home.
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And I think it sounds like a great idea.
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Of course, my sons are only five and a half, so I ve not really had to deal with this.
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But when I heard about when kids come home or it s dinner time or some
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special moment as a family.
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You put your phone, everyone, not just the kid, everyone puts their phone in cell phone jail.
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No phones on the table.
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Yeah, it s like you put it in cell phone jail and everyone s phone goes into the basket or bucket or whatever on the shelf.
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And so you have everyone s focus.
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And even if you have to, you know, throw the phone in the pool,
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put in the pool, or you have to maybe be okay with it ending up just being a half hour or an hour, you know?
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But explain, I think, to your child that the reason you re doing this is because you love them and you miss them, and you just want to spend some time.
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Here s the thing.
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She s 20.
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It s kind of like it s time to stop acting like she s a child, maybe.
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Nancy,
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Is your daughter a bit immature?
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You can tell her that Lucy Lawless said that s really effing immature and to grow the hell up and portion out.
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This is a time to communicate with your friends and there s a time to be with real human beings and just
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And that s what Lucy Lawless said.
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Be a fricking woman.
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Be a woman.
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Yes.
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All right.
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Nancy, phone addiction is real.
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Good luck with that.
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And you got two lesbian icons behind you on this.
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Lucy, we re going to pause for a short break, and then I ve got more questions to ask you.
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A six billion dollar con.
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It didn t take long for it to spread like wildfire.
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You got to take a look at this really crazy gold stock.
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A buddy of mine got in at a dime.
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Which destroyed lives and devastated communities.
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Every little town across the nation, people have shares in this.
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We lost everything.
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And to date, no one has been brought to justice.
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Somebody knows more than we know.
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The $6 billion gold scam from the BBC World Service and CBC.
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Search for the $6 billion gold scam wherever you get your podcasts.
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And we re back.
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Lucy, next up is a question from Edie.
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Edie writes, Hi Tig, I heard you say that you journal sporadically, and I also do that.
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I have various journals tucked away in my home from many years of occasional working things out on the page.
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I keep them in case I want to look back at them.
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But what if I die?
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I don t want my family reading them.
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There have been times I have used the journals to vent anger and frustration at my husband or kids, and I would hate for my family to see that.
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How do I keep the journals for now, but also get rid of them after I die?
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I hope you can help.
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Well, my first thought is maybe it would be a good thing to start a conversation with your family about, hey, you know, I noticed you re frustrated about this or you re down about that.
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What s good to do sometimes is journal and go all out and let everything out on the page
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And it s maybe things you would never say to somebody in person, and it s maybe not even necessarily how you feel, but it s a frustrating moment where you wanna vent.
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And so you re teaching your kids and your family that this is just a way to deal with something.
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So maybe if when they come across your crazy scribbles, then they will understand a little better that maybe you were just mad in the moment, but what do you say, Lucy?
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I love that you re being candid.
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Edie, that s awesome, you should, because the best diarists in all, I read diarists, famous ones, Chips Channon and a bunch of others.
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Being truthful is really critical for history.
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And you know what?
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You can lock them away for 100 years somehow, you know?
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Your grandchildren will find it super interesting that you are truthful, that you need to have emotional truth.
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Now, I did hear about somebody who had this problem yesterday.
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They re on a British talk show, this woman.
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had a difficult relationship with her mother who had been sick her whole life with ME and eventually developed Parkinson s.
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She had heart trouble, just terribly sick mother, right?
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She was not good to her daughter.
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Say she was fat and ugly and stupid and all this horrible stuff.
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Anyway, after she dies, the daughter goes to read the diary thinking, perhaps this will give me closure.
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I can understand what made my mother tick.
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And she was horrified to realize her mother
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faked all that illness her whole life.
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It was Munchausen s, not Munchausen s by proxy, but actual Munchausen s.
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And the thing with Munchausen s is that they re not delusional.
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They know they re making this shit up.
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And she was utterly candid talking about how, oh, I went to the doctor and I made sure they gave me the good drugs.
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Anyway, it was so...
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shocking.
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So I know, you know, if you haven t got Munchausen s, if you re not hiding the fact that you really don t have some terrible disease, Edie, you re golden.
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It s okay that you re pissed off.
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We all are pissed off.
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I say go for it.
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But maybe every few pages, right?
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Something juicy.
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Yeah.
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Well, no, not just juicy.
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I m feeling for the
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kids here i m going maybe write a little message and say hey that was a tough day i know you re reading this and i m like 10 years dead at this point but i loved you so much my little precious child and also the stuff coming up good luck with what you re about to read
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You can also maybe if you have a good friend that you trust with your or you don t even you don t even have to trust them you don t even care what they read I have a friend like that my friend Beth we ve been friends since we were small children we moved to LA together she s my kids godmother I don t care what Beth knows about me she knows
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the deep secret, she knows the horrible stuff.
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And if she read my journal, there is nothing in the world I would care.
1
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I feel that way about Stephanie too.
1
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But if there s a friend like Beth in your world where you can say, here are the keys to my diary, or here is the password to my computer where I journal, then give it to your friend.
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And when you croak, your friend can get into your stuff
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I don t know.
1
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Recycle it.
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It s what floorboards are for, Edie.
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Just hide them, for God s sake.
1
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Well, she s hiding them, I think, but what about when she dies?
1
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Yeah, but they will be found in three owners  time when they go to, you know, deal with that leak that s gone through the floor.
1
SPEAKER_03
Mm-hmm.
1
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Whatever you do, keep writing the truth.
1
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For sure.
1
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It s really so, so rare and so human, so keep doing it.
1
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Do you journal, Lucy?
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No, my life s way too interesting to share.
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Okay, Edie, that s what you should do, but don t come back and haunt me if that doesn t work.
1
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I told you not to ask, right?
1
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Lucy, this question is going to lean on any interior design skill you may or may not have.
1
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Romer asks, I recently moved and for the first time since college, I m gonna be living in the same place for three years.
1
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I feel like I can put down roots and I want my home to reflect that.
1
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Do you have any thoughts on how to make a house feel like a home as a renter?
1
SPEAKER_02
Well.
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You ve gotta, the first thing to do that makes you feel like you own a house is you ve gotta put some holes in the walls.
1
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And I mean hanging pictures, not with your fist.
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But when you go to the, because it s a drag, right?
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It s the last thing anybody does is hang in their pictures.
1
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But when you do that, ah, that wall becomes your home, you own it.
1
SPEAKER_03
I think that s really important.
1
SPEAKER_03
And are you allowed to put up colors?
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SPEAKER_03
You know, paint s a really easy way to transform things.
1
SPEAKER_03
As a renter, maybe you can t do that.
1
SPEAKER_02
But I mean, can t you paint it back over once you leave?
1
SPEAKER_02
I feel like some landlords are fine with that.
1
SPEAKER_02
If there s a hole in the wall or different paint on the wall... Yeah, ask.
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Yeah, ask.
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And plants.
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I feel like you re too rebellious, Lucy, to ask.
1
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I feel like you would just...
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put up any picture you want and paint any wall, any color and be like.
1
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Crazy, hot pink and orange.
1
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Journal about it.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, handle it.
1
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Yeah, you don t care.
1
SPEAKER_03
Hey, does this hurt your feelings?
1
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Journal about it.
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Oh, that s gonna become like a really intense.
1
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Oh, okay, tough guy.
1
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Journal about it.
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Ooh.
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Oh, Romer.
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Plants, Romer, plants.
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Have some plants.
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If you re going to put down roots, get some plants.
1
SPEAKER_02
And there s really great plants that are great for cleaning the air where you live, keeping you healthy and... Adding to your salad.
1
SPEAKER_03
You have basil, basil.
1
SPEAKER_03
Grows great.
1
SPEAKER_02
Basil, basil, whatever.
1
SPEAKER_02
Potato.
1
SPEAKER_02
Nobody says potato.
1
SPEAKER_02
Sweet potato.
1
SPEAKER_02
Sweet potato.
1
SPEAKER_02
My little sweet potato.
1
SPEAKER_02
You say sweet potato.
1
SPEAKER_02
I say sweet potato.
1
SPEAKER_02
I m going to start saying that.
1
SPEAKER_02
That s a good saying.
1
SPEAKER_03
Would you?
1
SPEAKER_03
That d be good.
1
SPEAKER_02
But yeah, renting can definitely feel like a place where you re just seeking shelter until you move to your next place.
1
SPEAKER_02
It can be an in-transition type of living.
1
SPEAKER_03
I love transitioning.
1
SPEAKER_03
Like, living out of a suitcase, that is me, man.
1
SPEAKER_03
I would own nothing if I had life entirely my way.
1
SPEAKER_02
You would own nothing?
1
SPEAKER_03
My happiest state of being is when I m leaving a place.
1
SPEAKER_03
What about Rob?
1
SPEAKER_03
Can t get him out of New Zealand.
1
SPEAKER_03
That guy s put down roots deep right through the floorboards.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, but he couldn t live with nothing, right?
1
SPEAKER_03
No, no, no.
1
SPEAKER_03
He s acquisitive.
1
SPEAKER_03
He s the opposite.
1
SPEAKER_02
Well, I think that you can fully make your place your own.
1
SPEAKER_02
Just make sure you get your plants and you paint your walls, put some meaningful objects in there, things that reflect who you are, a sense of your own history.
1
SPEAKER_02
make sure your bed s comfortable, where you sit down is comfortable, where you spend time, be comfortable there.
1
SPEAKER_02
That feels permanent, I think.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
Even if it s only for a few years.
1
SPEAKER_02
Romer, that s what we think you should do to make your home feel homier.
1
SPEAKER_02
Lucy, this question comes from someone who wants to protect their personal space.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, hit me.
1
SPEAKER_02
Irish Goodbye writes,
1
SPEAKER_02
My boyfriend told me that his family was full of huggers.
1
SPEAKER_02
It wasn t until I met them that I realized each person had to hug me when I came in the room and they lined up to hug me when I left.
1
SPEAKER_02
By the way, Lucy is shaking her head with a look of disgust.
1
SPEAKER_02
That s why we re friends, Lucy.
1
SPEAKER_02
It wouldn t be an issue except that they don t talk to me slash acknowledge I m in the room during the actual get-together.
1
SPEAKER_02
We re talking roughly 10 to 15 people here.
1
SPEAKER_02
I tried saying goodbye to the whole room with a wave once and my boyfriend later told me that it was important to him that I go around and hug each person every time.
1
SPEAKER_02
I m not a hugger.
1
SPEAKER_02
I m not even convinced these people like me.
1
SPEAKER_02
What s a happy middle ground for us?
1
SPEAKER_03
I think you have to look at it like a stand-up comedian would, right?
1
SPEAKER_03
Like, this is hilarious.
1
SPEAKER_03
I am miserable.
1
SPEAKER_03
I was like you, no moleste, right?
1
SPEAKER_03
No moleste, that s right.
1
SPEAKER_03
You could wear a no moleste T-shirt, but they re gonna hug you anyway.
1
SPEAKER_02
And they are for sale.
1
SPEAKER_02
They are on sale, this new tour.
1
SPEAKER_02
Get your no moleste T-shirts.
1
SPEAKER_02
That s an old joke of mine that Lucy is referencing.
1
SPEAKER_02
But yeah, that s a good idea.
1
SPEAKER_02
Get a no moleste T-shirt.
1
SPEAKER_02
I think the fact that your boyfriend is saying it s important to him and them,
1
SPEAKER_02
because they are quote-unquote huggers, you should explain to his family or have him explain to them that although you re not a hugger, you are in fact someone who likes to get to know people.
1
SPEAKER_02
So while you re there hanging out, you d love a conversation.
1
SPEAKER_02
I mean, it s kind of similar to the cell phone addiction thing of people unable to connect and communicate.
1
SPEAKER_03
I can t believe that s a real problem, but I do because humans are so oddball, but that s a real, I mean, the first few times you could, as I say, make it a comedic experience, you know, a Larry David, uncomfortable, awkward thing, but it would get pretty old, wouldn t it?
1
SPEAKER_03
How often do you see these people?
1
SPEAKER_02
I mean, would you, if it were you, Lucy, would you just suck it up and hug these people?
1
SPEAKER_02
I think I might slip them some tongue or something, give them a little, you know,
1
SPEAKER_03
I think I might do a little molest myself.
1
SPEAKER_02
Just to like... Give them reason to not want to come back.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
Make them not want to hug you.
1
SPEAKER_03
Don t be good at it.
1
SPEAKER_03
Oh, smell.
1
SPEAKER_03
Smells.
1
SPEAKER_03
You can use smells.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_02
Don t take a bath.
1
SPEAKER_02
Don t take a bath.
1
SPEAKER_02
For a month.
1
SPEAKER_02
Let your hair get real greasy.
1
SPEAKER_02
What about skin condition?
1
SPEAKER_02
Something catchy.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_03
Just say, I have worms.
1
SPEAKER_03
I have a cold sore.
1
SPEAKER_03
I have...
1
SPEAKER_03
I have scabies.
1
SPEAKER_03
You gotta go with scabies.
1
SPEAKER_02
I have worms.
1
SPEAKER_02
I have a cold sore.
1
SPEAKER_03
In fact, you know what?
1
SPEAKER_03
Actually get scabies because...
1
SPEAKER_03
because that would cure them all for life.
1
SPEAKER_03
They can all give it to one another.
1
SPEAKER_03
I mean, Omicron is not enough, right?
1
SPEAKER_03
You need freaking scabies, right?
1
SPEAKER_03
They re like little arachnids that live under the skin, chiggers.
1
SPEAKER_02
That s my advice.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh my gosh, Lucy, that s really good.
1
SPEAKER_02
You re welcome.
1
SPEAKER_02
You can even walk in itching your crotch and say, don t even think it stops there, okay?
1
SPEAKER_02
Don t think this is the end of it.
1
SPEAKER_02
All right, Irish goodbye.
1
SPEAKER_02
I know this is gonna help you.
1
SPEAKER_03
Irish goodbye does not involve hugging, I guess.
1
SPEAKER_03
It s like a kiss with a fist.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, kiss with a fist, I like it.
1
SPEAKER_02
Lucy, that s all of our listener questions.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, what a shame.
1
SPEAKER_02
But before we go, I have one last thing, or rather, thang, for you to do.
1
SPEAKER_02
This is a segment called Name That Thang.
1
SPEAKER_02
Name that thang.
1
SPEAKER_02
This is part of the show where people write in when they need us to name that thing for them.
1
SPEAKER_02
Anything from a plant to a baby.
1
SPEAKER_02
The catch is that they must use the name.
1
SPEAKER_02
Are you ready?
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
Lala writes,
1
SPEAKER_02
My marriage of 28 years is at an end.
1
SPEAKER_02
I m a 50-year-old woman, and affordable and mental wellness living means I ll be moving onto a houseboat.
1
SPEAKER_02
I m actually so excited and happy.
1
SPEAKER_02
New season of life.
1
SPEAKER_02
I want a perfect name for my boat home where I ll live and heal.
1
SPEAKER_02
Lucy, do you have a name for Lala s boat?
1
SPEAKER_02
Lufione.
1
SPEAKER_03
The crazy word in my mind is Smurfette, and I ll tell you why.
1
SPEAKER_03
Smurfette?
1
SPEAKER_03
Smurfette.
1
SPEAKER_03
Because a very dear friend of mine, you might have met her actually, Debbie Carrington.
1
SPEAKER_03
She was an actress.
1
SPEAKER_03
She was a little person.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
I met Debbie.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
She was on Seinfeld in the heightening episode.
1
SPEAKER_03
She was Tammy, the cute little blonde little person who made Mikey want to wear lifts.
1
SPEAKER_03
So he was heightening, right?
1
SPEAKER_03
All the little people were heightening.
1
SPEAKER_03
And so she kind of looks like Smurfette, and she lived on a houseboat with her really old dog.
1
SPEAKER_03
Unfortunately, she s died a few years ago.
1
SPEAKER_03
Your friend passed away?
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, she did.
1
SPEAKER_03
Oh, no, I m sorry.
1
SPEAKER_03
But such an amazing woman.
1
SPEAKER_03
Anyway, so that s my word.
1
SPEAKER_03
And she doesn t really have to use that thing now that I named her, does she?
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, you re committed.
1
SPEAKER_02
I mean, I can give you some ideas I have.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, let s hear your ideas.
1
SPEAKER_02
Well, the first thought I had was see Jane sail, S-E-A, see Jane sail.
1
SPEAKER_03
Where does Jane come from?
1
SPEAKER_02
You know those books, see Jane run?
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_03
See Jane do the dishes, see Jane learn knitting.
1
SPEAKER_02
But this is sea Jane, S-E-A.
1
SPEAKER_02
Sea Jane.
1
SPEAKER_02
Sea Jane sail, okay?
1
SPEAKER_03
What about sea Jane fly?
1
SPEAKER_02
Well, she s on water.
1
SPEAKER_02
I know, but she s sailing so fast, it s cooler.
1
SPEAKER_02
So to speak.
1
SPEAKER_02
What do I know?
1
SPEAKER_02
Anyway, go on.
1
SPEAKER_02
How about this?
1
SPEAKER_02
It s a boat time.
1
SPEAKER_03
That is super Canadian, sharp.
1
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
How about thar she glows?
1
SPEAKER_02
Next.
1
SPEAKER_02
All right.
1
SPEAKER_02
Smurfette it is.
1
SPEAKER_03
You hated all three of mine.
1
SPEAKER_03
What s thar she glows?
1
SPEAKER_03
No, no.
1
SPEAKER_03
I kind of like See Jane Sale, actually.
1
SPEAKER_03
I quite like that.
1
SPEAKER_03
Oh, you do?
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, I get that.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, I get that.
1
SPEAKER_02
All right.
1
SPEAKER_02
So it s between See Jane Sale and Smurfette.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
There s your choices.
1
SPEAKER_03
That s it.
1
SPEAKER_02
I kind of feel like
1
SPEAKER_02
I think that it would be pretty fun to name this boat Smurfette in memory of your friend.
1
SPEAKER_03
And obviously the colors are very nautical, white and blue.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
Lala.
1
SPEAKER_03
We ve saved your life, Lala.
1
SPEAKER_03
There you go.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, we ve named your houseboat.
1
SPEAKER_02
Colored it.
1
SPEAKER_02
Smurfette.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
That s what we ve named it.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
You have to remember, though, this is the name we came up with and you have to use it.
1
SPEAKER_02
Smurfette.
1
SPEAKER_02
And if you don t like it, journal about it.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh my gosh, Lucy, you re getting so rude with this saying.
1
SPEAKER_02
Just throwing that in everyone s face.
1
SPEAKER_02
I have a heart, man.
1
SPEAKER_02
Hey, Lala, you know what?
1
SPEAKER_02
Why don t you go journal about it?
1
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_02
If you re so happy and excited, then this shouldn t be a problem for you to journal about it.
1
SPEAKER_03
Back to the journaling question.
1
SPEAKER_03
Your kids should not be surprised.
1
SPEAKER_03
Let them know who you are ahead of time.
1
SPEAKER_03
Anything I write in my journal, the kids would go, yeah, that s right.
1
SPEAKER_03
I always suspected as much.
1
SPEAKER_02
That s a good point.
1
SPEAKER_02
Live life out loud.
1
SPEAKER_02
I think that s really good advice to express yourself.
1
SPEAKER_03
In real life as well as in the journal.
1
SPEAKER_03
It s a way of processing information, isn t it?
1
SPEAKER_03
Once you process it, go ahead and speak your truth.
1
SPEAKER_02
That s right.
1
SPEAKER_02
I love it.
1
SPEAKER_02
Is there anything you d like to promote, Lucy?
1
SPEAKER_02
No.
1
SPEAKER_03
I send my love to all your fans in the world.
1
SPEAKER_03
Let s go out there and be fabulous and fierce.
1
SPEAKER_02
All right.
1
SPEAKER_02
I have to say, I love you dearly.
1
SPEAKER_02
Likewise.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I really hope that I can see you in the flesh sooner than later.
1
SPEAKER_03
I do too.
1
SPEAKER_02
All right, Teg.
1
SPEAKER_02
Great to see you, babe.
1
SPEAKER_02
You too.
1
SPEAKER_02
Bye.
1
SPEAKER_02
Talk soon.
1
SPEAKER_02
Bye.
1
SPEAKER_02
And one more time for the procrastinators and late comers, go to TigNotaro.com because I want you to laugh at my jokes in person.
1
SPEAKER_02
I ll be in Portland, Oregon, Fort Myers, Florida, Fort Lauderdale, Florida, New Orleans, Louisiana, Dallas, Texas, San Antonio, Texas, Phoenix, Arizona, Kalamazoo, Michigan.
1
SPEAKER_02
Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Chicago, Illinois, Madison, Wisconsin, Iowa City, New York City, Honolulu, and the list just keeps going.
1
SPEAKER_02
So get a ticket and swing on by.
1
SPEAKER_02
Don t Ask Tig is hosted by me, Tig Notaro.
1
SPEAKER_02
It s produced by Thomas Ouellette, Shana Deloria, and Ryan Lohr.
1
SPEAKER_02
Our executive producer and editor is Beth Perlman.
1
SPEAKER_02
Engineering and sound mixing by Johnny Vince Evans and Eric Romani.
1
SPEAKER_02
Digital production by James Napoli.
1
SPEAKER_02
Talent booking by Marianne Ways.
1
SPEAKER_02
Production support from Pizza Shark.
1
SPEAKER_02
Our theme music is Friend and Tig by Edie Burkell and Kyle Krushem.
1
SPEAKER_02
and Listen to Your Heart by Edie Burkell.
1
SPEAKER_02
Special thanks to Hunter Seidman.
1
SPEAKER_02
APM Studios executives in charge are Lily Kim, Alex Schaffert, and Joanne Griffith.
1
SPEAKER_02
Concept developed by Tracy Mumford.
1
SPEAKER_02
Our executive consultant is Dean Capello and Gobsmack Studios.
1
SPEAKER_02
You can always ask for advice at DontAskTIG.org.
1
SPEAKER_02
Just write in with your problem or send us a voice memo.
1
SPEAKER_02
Remember to follow us on social media at Don t Ask Tig.
1
SPEAKER_02
Don t Ask Tig is a production of American Public Media.
1
SPEAKER_02
And as always, thanks Dana, and I ll tell Becky.
1
SPEAKER_02
Hi, I m stand-up comedian and sex symbol Tig Notaro.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I m actor and writer Cheryl Hines.
1
SPEAKER_02
Before Cheryl and I got into the big business of podcasting together, we were just simply friends.
1
SPEAKER_00
And we re still friends.
1
SPEAKER_00
But now we talk about a different documentary every week on our podcast, Tig and Cheryl, True Story.
1
SPEAKER_00
So whether you love documentaries or just want to hear us slowly lose our minds, check out Tig and Cheryl, True Story, wherever you get your podcasts.
1
SPEAKER_00
Alright, cool.