0
SPEAKER_02
This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.
0
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But look at how fast, we re almost halfway through the year.
0
SPEAKER_03
Crazy.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
0
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Are you proud of what you ve done in 2024 so far?
0
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I know.
0
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I mean, you always want to do more, right?
0
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Life goes so fast, David.
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It s important to take a moment to celebrate your wins, make adjustments for the rest of the year.
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Yeah.
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Listen, therapy is the way to go.
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I did it for a while.
0
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And I think the thing that slowed me down was what they, is driving to Santa Monica in traffic once or twice a week.
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This is online.
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It s a great idea.
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Very convenient.
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It helps you.
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I mean, there s so many things you can do here to be a better version of yourself.
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You can probably always sharpen it.
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Yeah, I mean, I had a therapist in Portland and I would commute and that was a pain.
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That s a long drive.
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I know it was 1300 miles one way, but you know, it s good therapist.
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But yeah, this one you can mix and match and your thoughts kind of control you and you want to master them.
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I call in every three days and she goes, what do you need?
0
SPEAKER_02
And I go, there s a lot.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_02
There s a lot of people around.
0
SPEAKER_02
I can t talk, but I ll just say this boy.
0
SPEAKER_02
And she goes, you need that again.
0
SPEAKER_02
Do I?
0
SPEAKER_02
She goes, yeah.
0
SPEAKER_02
Oh, I see.
0
SPEAKER_02
I go.
0
SPEAKER_03
David, before we get started today, on today s very special edition of Superfly, if I might say, we have got a show for you.
0
SPEAKER_03
I m telling you, that s when the show s like... Anyway, in other news, George Soros, the billionaire,
0
SPEAKER_03
Bot Odyssey, our parent company.
0
SPEAKER_03
So I wanted to just send him a little note and read it here for George Soros.
0
SPEAKER_03
And I ll do it a little bit as a character just because.
0
SPEAKER_03
George Soros.
0
SPEAKER_03
I am honored and grateful that you are now the proud owner of our parent company, Odyssey Incorporated.
0
SPEAKER_03
It s nice.
0
SPEAKER_03
I hope you will find our podcast Fly on the Wall and Superfly amusing.
0
SPEAKER_03
And may they always be a masculine podcast.
0
SPEAKER_03
George Soros, I m going to leave you now because I know you are a busy man.
0
SPEAKER_03
That s it.
0
SPEAKER_02
Do you know where that s from?
0
SPEAKER_02
I think it s from Godfather.
0
SPEAKER_02
Is it?
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_03
And I wasn t my best Luca Brasi.
0
SPEAKER_03
It should be more.
0
SPEAKER_03
I m on the.
0
SPEAKER_03
I m honored and grateful that you you are now the proud owner of our pet company, Odyssey Incorporated.
0
SPEAKER_03
I hope you will find our podcast a masculine podcast.
0
SPEAKER_03
George Soros, I m going to leave you now because I know you re a busy man.
0
SPEAKER_03
Use either take Greg.
0
SPEAKER_02
That was because masculine is where I got it.
0
SPEAKER_03
Yes.
0
SPEAKER_03
And that s just kind of interesting.
0
SPEAKER_03
It s great.
0
SPEAKER_03
We got a new boss.
0
SPEAKER_03
We got a new boss.
0
SPEAKER_02
We ll get him to call in soon.
0
SPEAKER_03
OK, so I lit the candle.
0
SPEAKER_03
Now, I understand.
0
SPEAKER_03
I understand you had quite a weekend.
0
SPEAKER_03
Let s just we call this segment catching up with David.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_03
Save all of our we walkie talkie.
0
SPEAKER_03
But in-person stuff is this.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_02
So, David, what happened?
0
SPEAKER_02
A couple of things going on.
0
SPEAKER_02
Uh, I m going to do another day on that movie I m doing, and I m going to tell you about next week because I ll I ll have more done under my belt.
0
SPEAKER_02
I didn t know you were doing a movie.
0
SPEAKER_02
I tell you that doing a couple of days.
0
SPEAKER_02
I can t keep track of your.
0
SPEAKER_02
No, it s not.
0
SPEAKER_02
OK, it s not the lead.
0
SPEAKER_02
So I don t care about it at all.
0
SPEAKER_02
But it is a it s a. Oh, yeah.
0
SPEAKER_02
It s time killer.
0
SPEAKER_02
To say I was proud would be an understatement.
0
SPEAKER_02
You better be proud of me.
0
SPEAKER_02
And then I went to Houston to do a show for a charity.
0
SPEAKER_02
And the funny thing, it was, you know, obviously a couple of days after the eclipse, we had talked to Sarah Sherman about the eclipse and learned everything you could learn.
0
SPEAKER_02
And so when I go to Houston, I get a Uber, you know, he s going to take me to Chili s or wherever.
0
SPEAKER_02
So I get in and just to be, I have nothing to talk about.
0
SPEAKER_02
So I go, Hey, did the eclipse make it down here?
0
SPEAKER_02
You know, whatever.
0
SPEAKER_02
I don t know what I m saying.
0
SPEAKER_02
And he goes, Oh yeah, the eclipse is that it got dark, you know?
0
SPEAKER_02
And I go, Oh, that s, that s how he sounded.
0
SPEAKER_02
We have to always say that.
0
SPEAKER_02
And he goes, so I like it.
0
SPEAKER_03
It s a nondescript accent.
0
SPEAKER_02
It just separates my voice from his, you know, who s talking.
0
SPEAKER_02
It s a foreign guy.
0
SPEAKER_02
And so he goes, uh, you know, the, uh, the sun goes here.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah and the uh the moon is here I m like
0
SPEAKER_02
Is he explaining an eclipse to me?
0
SPEAKER_02
I went to second grade.
0
SPEAKER_02
So I go, oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
0
SPEAKER_03
So far, he s completely correct.
0
SPEAKER_02
So far, he s fucking nailing it.
0
SPEAKER_02
And he s like, that s it.
0
SPEAKER_02
Now also, now he s going like, and the sun kind of goes like this, and I don t know which one s forward for him, but he goes, and so now he s getting a little wrong.
0
SPEAKER_02
He s like, it s going kind of like this, and the sun jumps around.
0
SPEAKER_02
And I go, okay, by the way, where are your hands?
0
SPEAKER_02
There s also a steering wheel, because now they re both off.
0
SPEAKER_02
Now he s just like, and then there s the stars.
0
SPEAKER_02
And I m back here and I m like, oh, you know, I m like, just let s do the clips like this, where I just like those effects.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
No, no, no, no.
0
SPEAKER_02
And so that was that story.
0
SPEAKER_02
That s all.
0
SPEAKER_02
That was that story.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_02
I got to keep.
0
SPEAKER_03
I have a story.
0
SPEAKER_02
Go ahead.
0
SPEAKER_03
I have a story about I got to learn
0
SPEAKER_03
Rosetta Stone.
0
SPEAKER_03
I know it s our sponsor.
0
SPEAKER_03
I have to learn better Spanish.
0
SPEAKER_03
I m doing some work on my house, and I have a lot of brilliant, incredibly great Spanish workers, or probably from Mexico.
0
SPEAKER_03
So last week, the guys who were painting my house are so much fun.
0
SPEAKER_03
They laugh so hard.
0
SPEAKER_03
that I had to go outside and go, I had to explain it to them.
0
SPEAKER_03
So I m kind of like, but they didn t speak any English.
0
SPEAKER_03
I m like, I guys, cause I didn t want to, I didn t want to suppress them.
0
SPEAKER_03
Cause they re laughing.
0
SPEAKER_03
I go, Hey guys, could you like, when you re laughing, I can t hear.
0
SPEAKER_03
And so could you just be quiet for like 20 more minutes and then you can really laugh.
0
SPEAKER_03
And the guy was looking at me literally like this, like,
0
SPEAKER_03
Like Biden, basically.
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_03
And I did.
0
SPEAKER_03
I think he thought he was in trouble.
0
SPEAKER_03
So I go just 10 more minutes and then you can be really loud.
0
SPEAKER_03
I m doing a podcast.
0
SPEAKER_02
Oh, boy.
0
SPEAKER_03
Over Zoom.
0
SPEAKER_03
And then they re like, what does it do?
0
SPEAKER_02
He doesn t know anything.
0
SPEAKER_02
They don t know.
0
SPEAKER_03
I m going to learn.
0
SPEAKER_03
I m going to learn.
0
SPEAKER_02
You re telling him a hard thing.
0
SPEAKER_02
If you know broken English or broken Spanish, if he tried to tell you he was on a Zoom, you wouldn t get it.
0
SPEAKER_02
I mean, it s just too complicated.
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_03
Mucho trabajo.
0
SPEAKER_03
Muy bien.
0
SPEAKER_03
Como esta?
0
SPEAKER_03
I mean, I have all the basics.
0
SPEAKER_02
More than I do.
0
SPEAKER_03
Let me tell you, do you ever call a doctor to refill a prescription?
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_03
OK, this is a different bit.
0
SPEAKER_03
Well, I this is another bit.
0
SPEAKER_03
OK, I call I call in every month for the same prescription.
0
SPEAKER_03
I will say what it is.
0
SPEAKER_03
And the nurse who s so sweet always acts like it s the first time I ve called.
0
SPEAKER_03
Remember, it s every 30 days.
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I d like to order this, and she s like, oh, you want to do what?
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, I want to order this prescription.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m going to have to talk to the doctor.
1
SPEAKER_01
30 days later, I call again.
1
SPEAKER_01
Hi, I d like to order this prescription.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, you want to do what?
1
SPEAKER_01
You want to order a prescription?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, the same one, same address, same number.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, I don t know where to send it.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m going to have to talk to the doctor.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s it.
1
SPEAKER_02
I do.
1
SPEAKER_02
I call in every three days and she goes, what do you need?
1
SPEAKER_02
And I go, there s a lot.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
There s a lot of people around.
1
SPEAKER_02
I can t talk, but I ll just say this boy.
1
SPEAKER_02
And she goes, oh, you need that again.
1
SPEAKER_02
I go, do I?
1
SPEAKER_02
She goes, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, I see.
1
SPEAKER_02
I go.
1
SPEAKER_01
Though I said one time, I go, could I get some scratch?
1
SPEAKER_01
He goes, oh, you want scratch?
1
SPEAKER_01
Not a problem.
1
SPEAKER_01
Sorry.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s all right.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, what does boing, boing, boing mean?
1
SPEAKER_01
Like you have a neck problem?
1
SPEAKER_02
No, I need boner pills.
1
SPEAKER_01
She got it.
1
SPEAKER_01
You gotta pay more attention.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I was going... I know, and then you have to get the amount.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay, so you ll have 80 milligrams every two days.
1
SPEAKER_02
I go, whatever is max.
1
SPEAKER_01
Max.
1
SPEAKER_01
Or I should say, that s crazy.
1
SPEAKER_02
No, it s funny.
1
SPEAKER_02
I know.
1
SPEAKER_02
The last thing I ll tell you is I went to the UFC fight.
1
SPEAKER_02
It was a busy weekend.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
It sounds like a lie.
1
SPEAKER_02
I was really jumping around.
1
SPEAKER_02
So I did.
1
SPEAKER_02
I go to UFC, which I do like.
1
SPEAKER_02
It was UFC 300.
1
SPEAKER_02
It was kind of a big one.
1
SPEAKER_02
So this is the one it was kind of a hassle for Houston.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, you saw.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
So I go there, Dana.
1
SPEAKER_02
Dana White always like takes care, which if you ever wanted to come, he said, come whenever you want.
1
SPEAKER_02
So we got a we have a fun row.
1
SPEAKER_02
We got Iron Mike Tyson in our row.
1
SPEAKER_02
We have and it s good because you got a little space.
1
SPEAKER_02
It sounds name dropping.
1
SPEAKER_02
I m just going to read the list of who s there just because it makes it more fun.
1
SPEAKER_01
I ll try to do it.
1
SPEAKER_01
I ll try to impression of everyone was there.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, we we got better seats and be right up front because up here we can see all this stuff.
1
SPEAKER_02
You know, I almost told him to come on to promote that fight with Jake Paul, because I want to say you better beat the shit up.
1
SPEAKER_02
No offense to Jake Paul, but Mike Tyson is a national hero and he better do not even punch back.
1
SPEAKER_02
Just let him beat the shit out of you.
1
SPEAKER_02
Those are my thoughts.
1
SPEAKER_01
Right.
1
SPEAKER_01
I think Tyson, if Tyson is anywhere near Tyson, if he s one percent, he wins easily.
1
SPEAKER_01
If he s a half percent, might be close.
1
SPEAKER_01
The only thing I think about 57 and combat sports, but I m sure they got Mike all right, is just you go in the first punch and then you throw out your back.
1
SPEAKER_01
Right.
1
SPEAKER_02
And also, I think Jake will try to tire him out, you know, run around, make him get tired because he s older.
1
SPEAKER_01
Um, that is probably what he ll do.
1
SPEAKER_01
But if he, if he s, if he quote stands in trades in the center of alpha alpha style, he might, uh, he might go 99 before he gets back to the hotel.
1
SPEAKER_02
You know, when I, uh, that, that happened in this fight, I won t bore you with the whole fight, but it was very fun because our boy Dennis Miller is right here.
1
SPEAKER_02
Dennis is at the fight with his kid, Holden.
1
SPEAKER_01
I saw him on camera.
1
SPEAKER_01
He looked great.
1
SPEAKER_01
He looked totally relaxed.
1
SPEAKER_02
He was in a great mood.
1
SPEAKER_02
I know.
1
SPEAKER_02
And when Dennis is in a good mood, which is all the time when I see him, he s doing Dennis jokes, which are priceless.
1
SPEAKER_02
So Theo s here.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_02
And Jared Leto.
1
SPEAKER_02
And then like Chris Pratt was there.
1
SPEAKER_02
And you know who else is there?
1
SPEAKER_02
Vivek Ramzawa.
1
SPEAKER_02
Wah, wah, wah, wah.
1
SPEAKER_02
I like to buy a vowel.
1
SPEAKER_01
You re all guys that are all in the same row, the guy who ran for president?
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, he was there on the end of the row, and I m like, Vivek?
1
SPEAKER_02
I don t see him everywhere.
1
SPEAKER_01
Jeez.
1
SPEAKER_01
So.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s a rogue s gallery.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, and Miles Teller.
1
SPEAKER_02
I m just trying to remember this row, just the row, because people are peppered all over.
1
SPEAKER_02
So we have this, and then there s the ring, and then right in front of me is Ted Sarandos, his kid Tony.
1
SPEAKER_02
So, of course, I just make fun of him the whole time, because he s funny.
1
SPEAKER_02
And then Ari Emanuel and Dana.
1
SPEAKER_02
Jared Leto, who s super cool, he s super cool dude, he s with his brother, and we all goof around.
1
SPEAKER_02
But between Theo here, Dennis here, and Spudley in the middle, and now we re doing, it s fight, then we have intermission, jokes.
1
SPEAKER_02
Fight, jokes.
1
SPEAKER_02
And we re all doing jokes, I couldn t have laughed harder, you would have loved it, it was so funny.
1
SPEAKER_01
What, can I hear, what would Theo s joke be?
1
SPEAKER_02
Well, you know, I was trying to remember going, I m gonna tell Dana about this,
1
SPEAKER_02
Like Dennis just keeps mumbling things like, for Christ s sake, Spud.
1
SPEAKER_02
It s almost the last fight and this fucking Chris Pratt has already made three new raccoon movies.
1
SPEAKER_02
Between the first and last one.
1
SPEAKER_02
I go Guardians of the Galaxy, got it.
1
SPEAKER_02
And then Theo, there was an Asian fight.
1
SPEAKER_02
There was two Asian girls, which to see women fight is not my favorite thing.
1
SPEAKER_02
It s so unnatural in the real world and I don t want to see that.
1
SPEAKER_02
It s hard.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it s tough.
1
SPEAKER_01
That was a tough fight.
1
SPEAKER_01
So that was tough.
1
SPEAKER_02
And they re beating the shit out of each other.
1
SPEAKER_02
They re both great.
1
SPEAKER_02
So they re doing it.
1
SPEAKER_02
And then they got in a hold.
1
SPEAKER_02
I think he s about to choke out.
1
SPEAKER_02
And Theo goes, give her the password.
1
SPEAKER_02
Like, I don t even know what he s talking about, you know?
1
SPEAKER_02
So, and then when these two guys are fighting, he goes, I think these guys go to law school together.
1
SPEAKER_02
That was one.
1
SPEAKER_02
And then when they were still fighting, he goes, is this about an HOA problem?
1
SPEAKER_02
all just all weird, all funny, because it s just all stupid.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I could see Dennis would be like, OK, we re up in row six.
1
SPEAKER_01
You know, you got the first class down there in row two or three, but that puts you back about seventy five K. Yeah, Dennis gets comp and Dennis did look.
1
SPEAKER_01
He got a nice single shot.
1
SPEAKER_01
The great.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, he did.
1
SPEAKER_02
I love it.
1
SPEAKER_02
I love it because sometimes they show you inside and you don t know if it s outside.
1
SPEAKER_02
But
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, they re popping around.
1
SPEAKER_02
If I was Dana White, I would just show everyone there because I saw Hoyce Gracie, who s the first big Brazilian UFC fighter, like a legend walking around, just walks by.
1
SPEAKER_02
We all say hi to him.
1
SPEAKER_02
He doesn t really know us, but we re like, oh man, you re the best.
1
SPEAKER_02
And then there s people over here, I remember.
1
SPEAKER_02
And then there s football players.
1
SPEAKER_02
There s just a ton of people that they should just keep showing.
1
SPEAKER_02
It s just fun, because in the downtime, there s nothing to do.
1
SPEAKER_02
So they cut to fighters in the audience, blah, blah.
1
SPEAKER_02
Uh, overall, do you have a look?
1
SPEAKER_01
If the camera comes on you, do you kind of look up and do a little what s up?
1
SPEAKER_01
You know, David Spade, you do that.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_02
Ready?
1
SPEAKER_02
Camera.
1
SPEAKER_02
Boom.
1
SPEAKER_02
And then I go like this.
1
SPEAKER_02
Like, as if you re going to fight, I look at the camera, what is it?
1
SPEAKER_02
And I go, deej, deej, deej, deej.
1
SPEAKER_02
Now that s one of them.
1
SPEAKER_02
That s one.
1
SPEAKER_01
So it s like, you re a fighter, I guess.
1
SPEAKER_02
Here s the one, it s the octopus through the screen.
1
SPEAKER_02
So if they show you to fight like this,
1
SPEAKER_01
And what is that?
1
SPEAKER_02
That s an octopus goes to the screen.
1
SPEAKER_02
Like, like you re an aquarium.
1
SPEAKER_02
It s something it s different.
1
SPEAKER_02
Josh, I didn t do that.
1
SPEAKER_01
Look, could I get a couple of tickets to the UFC?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yes, it s great.
1
SPEAKER_01
I become a fan of the sport.
1
SPEAKER_01
I get the sport now.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s not just brutal things going on.
1
SPEAKER_01
There s so much strategy and athleticism.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_02
And it s all and you hear the grunting and groaning and.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, coming.
1
SPEAKER_02
So, you know, when you re, but like, so Gaichi fight, you know, in hindsight, maybe should have been last.
1
SPEAKER_02
Don t be bored if you didn t see the fight.
1
SPEAKER_02
These two badasses get in there.
1
SPEAKER_02
And at the end of the first round, the guy does a backwards kick and kicks Gaichi and breaks his nose, right?
1
SPEAKER_02
It s hard enough to be right there to hear that cracking.
1
SPEAKER_02
Then he gets up and he comes back and he s like, birds, you know, he s out of it.
1
SPEAKER_02
But he has to keep fighting because he s a monster.
1
SPEAKER_02
And he s one of the hardest hitters out there.
1
SPEAKER_02
So four more rounds of this.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, he s tough.
1
SPEAKER_02
And he just, every time he gets hit in the nose, we re like, oh my God, because you know it s hanging on by a thread.
1
SPEAKER_02
And he just keeps fighting.
1
SPEAKER_02
He won t go down, but he s getting beat up pretty bad.
1
SPEAKER_02
So the last 10 seconds, it s over, obviously.
1
SPEAKER_02
Holloway won the other guy.
1
SPEAKER_02
And then Holloway, you saw, did what you said about Tyson.
1
SPEAKER_02
He points to the middle of the ring and goes, like, let s hammer it out.
1
SPEAKER_02
So they go.
1
SPEAKER_01
And he had won the fight.
1
SPEAKER_01
He had won the fight on the card.
1
SPEAKER_01
He won the fight.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s 10 seconds to go.
1
SPEAKER_01
You just run around and wave to the audience.
1
SPEAKER_01
Instead, he points at the thing, meet me in the middle of the ring, and we ll see who s the badass.
1
SPEAKER_01
With 10 seconds to go, they re swinging all out.
1
SPEAKER_01
You were there.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, just full windmills.
1
SPEAKER_02
just and everyone freaked out and stood up like oh my god this is crazy because you know the guy with the broken nose is like what are we doing do we need to do this i mean i would have been like you won we re all good but he has to be tough and go you re really going to do this to me so windmill and he gets cracked again and he goes
2
SPEAKER_00
Straight on his face with one second left in the whole fight one second He got a knockout and he fell where he s completely still on his nose on his nose yes, and
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, what they say, it s a figure of speech, but Gaethje was bleeding so much, they said he s wearing a crimson mask.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s a little cryptic.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Dennis Miller said- Wearing a crimson mask.
2
SPEAKER_00
After this round, he s going to look like Lucille Ball.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like her face is full of blood or that she s sort of orange?
2
SPEAKER_00
His hair is red.
2
SPEAKER_00
His hair was red by then.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, I see.
2
SPEAKER_00
He goes, Christ, after this round, he s coming out looking like Lucille Ball.
2
SPEAKER_01
That joke only works if you think that she s got blood red follicles coming out of her skull.
2
SPEAKER_01
This is listening.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, he s funny.
2
SPEAKER_00
So customarily, when someone wins, it s that good of a fight.
2
SPEAKER_00
You throw a Vicodin at rank.
2
SPEAKER_00
So we did that.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then the guy s like.
2
SPEAKER_00
I would.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then he went out and we saw him later now.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then we saw him later and he was in a wheelchair there pushing around.
2
SPEAKER_00
But he did get up to do the, you know, the winner, the respectful thing.
2
SPEAKER_00
But
2
SPEAKER_00
Dude, I would have said, fuck it.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m out.
2
SPEAKER_00
I gotta go lay down.
2
SPEAKER_00
So that s it.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
All right.
2
SPEAKER_00
Let s get to the headlines.
2
SPEAKER_00
The real headlines.
2
SPEAKER_01
Let s get ready to rumble.
2
SPEAKER_00
They don t say that anymore.
2
SPEAKER_00
They used to.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I heard he got $10,000 every time he said it.
2
SPEAKER_00
Now he says, it s time.
2
SPEAKER_01
Let s read it for the people driving.
2
SPEAKER_01
This is an article says Chris Farley biopic in the works with Paul Walter Hauser.
2
SPEAKER_01
In lead role, David comment.
2
SPEAKER_00
I d heard I d heard some whispers about this for a long time.
2
SPEAKER_00
I ve run into this guy, Paul, you re a very nice guy.
2
SPEAKER_00
I think he s been wanting to do this for a while.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t know how I m feeling ambivalent about it.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
2
SPEAKER_00
I just know that.
2
SPEAKER_00
If Margot Robbie passes on playing me in the movie, we re gonna wind up with JoJo Siwa.
2
SPEAKER_00
She plays you.
2
SPEAKER_00
Every role you lose, she s played.
2
SPEAKER_01
You would have been Barbie.
2
SPEAKER_01
I could have easily been Barbie.
2
SPEAKER_01
You could have been Barbie.
2
SPEAKER_01
You ve got those Carrie Undergrass Underwood legs.
2
SPEAKER_00
I got Carrie Underwood legs.
2
SPEAKER_01
All right, in all seriousness, I wish him the best.
2
SPEAKER_01
I think it s great.
2
SPEAKER_01
I think one-offs and charisma.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s very hard to get used to it in a film.
2
SPEAKER_01
Even the last Elvis movie, the guy did incredible.
2
SPEAKER_01
But you never reach Elvis.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s impossible, the charisma.
2
SPEAKER_01
But it was the best I d seen.
2
SPEAKER_01
But the same thing with Will Smith.
2
SPEAKER_01
When he played Muhammad Ali, he was absolutely fantastic.
2
SPEAKER_01
But the whole time you re going, you can t do Muhammad Ali.
2
SPEAKER_01
I wish this guy the best to do Chris Farley.
2
SPEAKER_01
There s so much stuff there.
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
2
SPEAKER_01
I ll be curious.
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t know how you do that.
2
SPEAKER_01
You know, I don t know where you focus.
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, they they approach me to play you, David Spade story.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, I m a little older and they go, you know.
2
SPEAKER_01
So, I mean, we ve done some makeup tests.
2
SPEAKER_01
Are we going to do it?
2
SPEAKER_01
Can I capture you?
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
2
SPEAKER_01
They can have you play me.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s all I have.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then someone will have to play you.
2
SPEAKER_01
And so the car broke down.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s me.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then they just cut away.
2
SPEAKER_02
Octopus.
2
SPEAKER_01
Anyway, what what are your thoughts on this?
2
SPEAKER_01
Because you you you re Chris s right hand man or he was your right hand man.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_00
I somehow turned into that.
2
SPEAKER_00
Your guys are partners.
2
SPEAKER_00
De facto widow.
2
SPEAKER_00
You know.
2
SPEAKER_00
You knew him best.
2
SPEAKER_00
I wish him well.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s very like you said, it s very hard to capture.
2
SPEAKER_00
the highs and lows and the greatness and the just pure likability and the innocence and everything that was great about him.
2
SPEAKER_01
You know, it s the stuff between the lines.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s the way he would look at you when he was going to do a joke or the way he would go.
2
SPEAKER_01
He d laugh insanely hard, like coming from someplace else.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I know he s laughing.
2
SPEAKER_01
Comedians will sometimes laugh at a comedian s joke just because the idea of someone trying to be funny is funny.
2
SPEAKER_00
And they re doing it for you.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, kind of like it s nice.
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
2
SPEAKER_01
Chris had so many sub rhythms and so many little like when he would do the honking one when he d laugh so hard.
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t I can t do it.
2
SPEAKER_01
But you know that one where you go to like he s almost choking.
2
SPEAKER_01
He s laughing so hard.
2
SPEAKER_01
And he would.
2
SPEAKER_01
And so anyway, there s a meal to be had there.
2
SPEAKER_00
He would give it up as a comedian and laugh.
2
SPEAKER_00
If you said something funny, he would laugh so hard.
2
SPEAKER_00
And it was that s that s one of the nicest things when comedians give it up and they don t just wait.
2
SPEAKER_00
and then do their joke and laugh.
2
SPEAKER_00
So that I would like, I would hope it doesn t just turn into about drugs.
2
SPEAKER_00
I just want it to be the whole thing because you could focus like this SNL movies focus on the first SNL ever done.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I d say that s enough for one movie.
2
SPEAKER_00
So with how much he did, I would want it to be more upbeat, hopefully.
2
SPEAKER_01
If they did a biopic on me, it would be partly anything about Saturday Night Live and focus on the movie Trapped in Paradise or something.
2
SPEAKER_01
Or Clean Slate.
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t have much of a resume in the film department.
2
SPEAKER_01
But to your point, I think Chris, the timeline of the last year or two on SNL into Tommy Boy is this period of time where Chris was full Chris and it s all there.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I would focus on that.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I that s our two cents.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I think so.
2
SPEAKER_01
I agree.
2
SPEAKER_01
Call me.
2
SPEAKER_01
Call me crazy.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s what I would focus on.
2
SPEAKER_00
This is a story I pulled because I just thought it s not that much to talk about.
2
SPEAKER_00
But this pitcher who passed away, I didn t know he he traded wives with his teammates when he was like, you know, 30 or something.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I read a little bit about this.
2
SPEAKER_00
If you don t know, if you don t know.
2
SPEAKER_00
So he has has a teammate with a cute wife and
2
SPEAKER_00
They all hang out a lot and they realize they like the other guy s wife.
2
SPEAKER_00
So they said, let s switch.
2
SPEAKER_00
And so they decided to switch whole families.
2
SPEAKER_00
So they switch kids and the animals, they switch kids and why I switched houses, kind of everything that was that s that.
2
SPEAKER_00
Why is this a movie?
2
SPEAKER_00
This is so interesting.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, they had a, I mean, is this a real story?
2
SPEAKER_01
I have to go.
2
SPEAKER_00
This might be the one is like, there s no way.
2
SPEAKER_00
Write us if on YouTube and tell us if this is real, because I think it s real, but sometimes I fib.
2
SPEAKER_00
for attention.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, it s like I have a new husband.
2
SPEAKER_01
Everything is new for about three months.
2
SPEAKER_02
And then get you out of here.
2
SPEAKER_02
You re nothing.
2
SPEAKER_02
I never should have swapped for you.
2
SPEAKER_02
I was attracted for about six weeks, but you got a gas problem.
2
SPEAKER_02
So get the fuck out of here.
2
SPEAKER_00
And that s the one that s the one which was swapped.
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
2
SPEAKER_01
It was just a voice and a character, you know, and then the kids are my daddy.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then a week later, I hate you.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m sure there s not my real dad.
2
SPEAKER_01
Let s do the move.
2
SPEAKER_00
I would think we could do the movie.
2
SPEAKER_00
We switch.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then they don t know we switch because we look the same.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, yes, actually, but to that, I went to the movies and the woman taking my ticket, I go to these 10 a.m.
2
SPEAKER_01
matinees, she goes, hey, and I had a baseball cap on, she goes, has anyone ever told you you look like David Spade?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I, here was my ad lib, I don t know if it s very good, I said, only David Spade.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, that s a good one.
2
SPEAKER_01
And she went, she went, she went, ha, ha, ha, ha.
2
SPEAKER_01
I know, they don t know if it s you or me or we don t know.
2
SPEAKER_01
This is this whole movie theater in the middle of nowhere.
2
SPEAKER_01
So they thought it was impossible that I could be David Spade.
2
SPEAKER_01
So they just thought it was a funny rejoinder.
2
SPEAKER_00
You said only David Spade.
2
SPEAKER_00
I got the exact same thing going into the elevators at the airport.
2
SPEAKER_00
The guy behind me goes, Carvey.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I just go.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then I go, hey, man.
2
SPEAKER_00
So they don t think that you re a dick.
2
SPEAKER_00
I said, hi.
2
SPEAKER_00
I said, oh, hey, man, what s up?
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, let s do a litmus test.
2
SPEAKER_01
You come over to my house and you come in and you go, honey, I m home.
2
SPEAKER_01
And see if Paula goes, hi, Dana.
2
SPEAKER_00
She goes, you look older.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I go, no, I don t look older, I look younger.
2
SPEAKER_00
Older.
2
SPEAKER_00
She s like, no.
2
SPEAKER_01
You are much younger.
2
SPEAKER_00
In real life, you re really rough.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay, next story.
2
SPEAKER_00
Soccer player, Kaka, I like his name.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, did you go kaka in your diapers?
2
SPEAKER_00
Is that how you say his name?
3
SPEAKER_01
Get out of here.
3
SPEAKER_01
You re filling up your diaper and get the fuck out.
3
SPEAKER_02
I wish I switched with Kaka.
3
SPEAKER_02
Okay, so- I don t want doing this voice.
3
SPEAKER_02
Go ahead.
3
SPEAKER_02
Kaka s just got divorced.
3
SPEAKER_02
She said he was too perfect.
3
SPEAKER_02
So this is an interesting story.
3
SPEAKER_02
Not riveting, but interesting.
3
SPEAKER_02
Oh, here she says, Kaka never betrayed me.
3
SPEAKER_02
He treated me well.
3
SPEAKER_02
He gave me a wonderful family, but I was not happy.
3
SPEAKER_02
Something was missing.
3
SPEAKER_02
The problem was he was too perfect.
3
SPEAKER_02
Okay, now this is just a marriage didn t work out, but- Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_02
If I were her, I wouldn t volunteer this statement.
3
SPEAKER_02
I just would leave it at we had, it just didn t work out.
3
SPEAKER_02
He s a great guy, it didn t work out.
3
SPEAKER_02
To say this makes her look bad, I think.
3
SPEAKER_02
Dana?
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, there s two.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay, let s unpack this.
3
SPEAKER_01
Unpack it.
3
SPEAKER_01
We got all the time in the world.
3
SPEAKER_01
Is she saying this because she broke his heart and this was a way to bolster his ego?
3
SPEAKER_01
I m leaving you and the guy started, well, but my name is Kanka, how can you leave me?
3
SPEAKER_01
Because you re too perfect.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, I m happy now.
3
SPEAKER_02
I gave you two little tiny Kankas.
3
SPEAKER_02
She goes, the kids.
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, I didn t.
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, I don t know what a guy with the name Kaka would sound like, so I did a nondescript accent.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, it s sort of like I just this just in his brother s Google that it s Spanish for Pupu.
3
SPEAKER_01
I was going to say that his brother s name is Pupu and his sister s name is Fifi s and he s named Kaka.
3
SPEAKER_01
Hi.
3
SPEAKER_01
Our kids are Kaka, Feces and Pupu.
3
SPEAKER_02
Her name is Pepe.
3
SPEAKER_02
She should have mentioned that.
3
SPEAKER_02
Uh, no.
3
SPEAKER_02
So we ve turned this story into a mess, but are we losing listeners?
3
SPEAKER_02
We just, I just saw the live charts and it s shooting down, but I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_02
I, I, I mean, I think she s there.
3
SPEAKER_02
Listen, there s sometimes it doesn t work out and you don t know what to say, but she s probably saying it s not you.
3
SPEAKER_02
It s me.
3
SPEAKER_01
I ve just, I think that s basically, it s like to protect the ego.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s my thing.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s nice thing to say.
3
SPEAKER_02
Next.
3
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_02
Next.
3
SPEAKER_01
Next.
3
SPEAKER_01
Scrabble makes a historic change to game with less competitive, inclusive version to appeal to Gen Z. Ah.
3
SPEAKER_02
Hmm.
3
SPEAKER_02
So I don t really get this, does it?
3
SPEAKER_02
Do they change the way you can spell a word?
3
SPEAKER_01
I guess, you know, if you play Scrabble, like during the pandemic, I played Scrabble with my wife and she beat me like 78 out of 79 games.
3
SPEAKER_01
She d come up with a 54 point triple word score.
3
SPEAKER_01
So it can hurt your feelings.
3
SPEAKER_01
It can ding your ego a little bit, your self-esteem when you re dominated that much.
3
SPEAKER_01
So I m assuming less competitive, inclusive means, you know,
3
SPEAKER_01
You re just not going to get your feelings as hurt.
3
SPEAKER_01
So it s a perfect scrabble for today.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m a grumpy old man.
3
SPEAKER_01
Kids are weak today.
3
SPEAKER_02
Maybe you can spell words.
3
SPEAKER_02
Pretty close, or you can spell them phonetically.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_02
So if it s an F sound, you don t put pH, you can put out.
3
SPEAKER_01
Right, if it was foreclosure, you could spell it F-O-C-A-L-S-A-A-K-R, foreclosure.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, that s close enough, Brian.
3
SPEAKER_01
You got it.
3
SPEAKER_01
I know what you mean.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s a chip award score.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, that s a thousand points.
3
SPEAKER_02
You can also decide what your points are.
3
SPEAKER_02
Okay, next story.
3
SPEAKER_01
And Monopoly, the new Monopoly game, you get boardwalk free before you start playing.
3
SPEAKER_02
Is that true?
3
SPEAKER_01
You inherit it.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s called Nepo Monopoly.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s called Nanopoly.
3
SPEAKER_02
And I go, I want to pick to play Judd Apatow s kid, whatever one that is.
3
SPEAKER_01
I should have a towel.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s happened to Mr. Soros.
3
SPEAKER_01
All right.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s a little Bernie Bernstein.
3
SPEAKER_01
God rest his soul.
3
SPEAKER_01
Creeping in.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s just a little dazzling thing we do.
3
SPEAKER_02
Oh, Dana, I wanted to put you through this because and then we ll get to more important issues.
3
SPEAKER_02
Coachella was last week.
3
SPEAKER_02
And Dana, you ve heard about Coachella every week.
3
SPEAKER_02
I don t know that much.
3
SPEAKER_02
I haven t been there.
3
SPEAKER_02
They have all the bands.
3
SPEAKER_02
People just go there to hang out and do drugs, basically.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s my nightmare.
3
SPEAKER_01
100,000 stinky people with lines of outhouses.
3
SPEAKER_01
No, I don t like big crowds.
3
SPEAKER_01
Right.
3
SPEAKER_02
And there s porta-potties, and there s bands, and there s...
3
SPEAKER_02
Everyone basically goes there just to have fun and take pictures for Instagram.
3
SPEAKER_02
So here s a sketch I did.
3
SPEAKER_02
We re going to play it.
3
SPEAKER_02
And if you re watching at home and it doesn t play, that means someone pulled it off of YouTube because it s not it ll be edited.
3
SPEAKER_01
You ll hear this part, but you won t see it.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
But here we go.
3
SPEAKER_02
So let s play the whole thing.
3
SPEAKER_02
Charlotte McKinney s in it.
3
SPEAKER_02
Oh, Jesus.
3
SPEAKER_02
Love.
3
SPEAKER_02
We can talk over it.
3
SPEAKER_02
Hey.
3
SPEAKER_02
Hi.
3
SPEAKER_02
And then the Coachella.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yes, sir.
3
SPEAKER_02
OK, just a couple of quick questions.
3
SPEAKER_02
How long are you going to be in here?
3
SPEAKER_00
Just three days.
3
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_02
How many outfit changes do you have?
3
SPEAKER_00
Uh, about 32.
3
SPEAKER_02
Feels a little light, but that s up to you.
3
SPEAKER_02
Do you have a job to get back to Monday?
3
SPEAKER_00
Absolutely not.
3
SPEAKER_02
Bit of a loser.
3
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_00
Quick question.
3
SPEAKER_00
Is the wind going to be blowing like full time?
3
SPEAKER_00
Cause you know, I d rather it not be so windy.
3
SPEAKER_02
I ll mark down your preference.
3
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_02
Back to what you re not doing.
3
SPEAKER_02
Do you have any special skills?
3
SPEAKER_00
Uh, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
You know, I know how to Instagram pretty well.
3
SPEAKER_02
Is that it?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, well, isn t that kind of like a GED?
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, it s sort of like a year of deride, I would guess.
3
SPEAKER_02
What s the worst thing that s ever happened to you, Coachella?
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, one time I had to wear my backup sunglasses because I forgot my cool ones.
3
SPEAKER_00
And my backup sunglasses are so shitty.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, and then I got molested one time by a bouncer.
3
SPEAKER_02
OK, so which one was the worst?
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, the backup sunglasses.
3
SPEAKER_02
I hear you.
3
SPEAKER_02
I ve had that happen.
3
SPEAKER_02
It s horrible.
3
SPEAKER_02
Okay, well, this is a bit personal, but what s the highest number of followers of someone you ve had sex with at Coachella?
3
SPEAKER_00
I had sex with a guy who had like 28K.
3
SPEAKER_02
That is a lot of K s.
3
SPEAKER_02
Okay, and what did he do?
3
SPEAKER_00
I think he was a DJ and a personal trainer.
3
SPEAKER_00
And a rapper?
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, and a William Morris agent.
3
SPEAKER_02
Sounds focused.
3
SPEAKER_02
And where did you have sex?
3
SPEAKER_02
At Port-A-Potty?
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean, where else would you do it?
3
SPEAKER_00
His hotel was like six miles away or something.
3
SPEAKER_00
I got it.
3
SPEAKER_00
I got it.
3
SPEAKER_02
I get it.
3
SPEAKER_02
What bands are you looking forward to seeing?
3
SPEAKER_00
There s bands here?
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, there s going to be like 70.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, that s great.
3
SPEAKER_00
When did they add that?
3
SPEAKER_02
Oh, probably like 14 years ago.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, so if we get bored, we can just go watch the bands or something?
3
SPEAKER_02
I think that s the idea.
3
SPEAKER_02
If you run out of everything to do, maybe see a band.
3
SPEAKER_00
Also, that guy from Guns N  Roses, can you, like, tell him in between sets to, like, stop talking?
3
SPEAKER_00
Because, you know, I d just rather him not.
3
SPEAKER_02
Les Blab from Axl.
3
SPEAKER_02
OK.
3
SPEAKER_02
Hey, before you go in, would you want to buy some coupons for the Molly stand?
3
SPEAKER_02
It s gluten-free this year, which is great.
3
SPEAKER_02
And if you buy a coupon, it s sort of a bonus.
3
SPEAKER_02
You get half off of all Moonrocks until 5 p.m.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s a drug.
3
SPEAKER_02
It s a lot cheaper if you buy it here.
3
SPEAKER_02
I m just giving you a tip just between us girls.
3
SPEAKER_02
And there s an IV stand about 30 feet in.
3
SPEAKER_02
You hook it up, and it just pumps a lot of self-esteem back into your body for when you re driving home, and you re so embarrassed, and it s three hours, and you re like, what the fuck am I doing with my life?
3
SPEAKER_02
Obviously nothing.
3
SPEAKER_02
I ve been in Coachella for four days.
3
SPEAKER_02
No one s missed me at all.
3
SPEAKER_02
I haven t missed work.
3
SPEAKER_02
I haven t missed shit.
3
SPEAKER_02
My dog s probably dead, and I want to blow my brains out.
3
SPEAKER_02
But let s go to In-N-Out.
3
SPEAKER_02
You know what I mean?
3
SPEAKER_00
In-N-Out s not really my thing.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, why?
3
SPEAKER_00
Mm, kind of on a diet.
3
SPEAKER_02
How long have you been on a diet?
3
SPEAKER_00
since I was born.
3
SPEAKER_02
On a side note, they want me to ask, who would you vote for for president if the elections were right now?
3
SPEAKER_00
I think the Biebs.
3
SPEAKER_02
Biebs?
3
SPEAKER_02
OK.
3
SPEAKER_02
If he somehow isn t running, who would it be?
3
SPEAKER_00
I think that old guy, Colonel Sanders.
3
SPEAKER_00
He says Coachella is going to be free next year.
3
SPEAKER_02
Oh, yeah, I m sure he did.
3
SPEAKER_02
That was Bernie Sanders.
3
SPEAKER_02
Can you promise that when you do see bans that you hold up your phone to block anyone near you and then overfilm the fuck out of it and Snapchat it and no one will ever fucking care and they ll hit your guts for it?
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, yeah, because I have to have a story.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, that s right.
3
SPEAKER_02
Lastly, how many times have you snapchatted that filter of you with like a dog sticking your tongue out?
3
SPEAKER_00
That one?
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_02
Maybe like a thousand.
3
SPEAKER_02
Well, keep it up.
3
SPEAKER_02
It does not get old.
3
SPEAKER_02
That was how many years ago?
3
SPEAKER_02
That was probably like... Heather, how long ago was that?
3
SPEAKER_02
Nine years?
3
SPEAKER_02
No.
3
SPEAKER_02
What do you think?
3
SPEAKER_02
Roughly, off the top of your head.
3
SPEAKER_02
We ll get back to you.
3
SPEAKER_02
That s why some of the jokes are a little stale, but it s kind of funny, right, Dannon?
3
SPEAKER_01
It s funny.
3
SPEAKER_01
I mean, she played great.
3
SPEAKER_01
She played straight and then consistent, funny jokes.
3
SPEAKER_01
And then when you started swearing, you re fucking your loser life and all that shit.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s a thing you could watch more than once.
3
SPEAKER_01
There s a lot of patter in there.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, a lot of back and forth.
3
SPEAKER_02
Okay, thank you.
3
SPEAKER_02
That s it.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s it for the question.
3
SPEAKER_01
And a lot of kind of roasting sort of that personality.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, she was good sport.
3
SPEAKER_01
The shallowness of whatever.
3
SPEAKER_02
That s Charlotte McKinney.
4
SPEAKER_02
Okay, stuff it, Alex.
4
2018?
4
SPEAKER_04
2016.
4
SPEAKER_04
So according to my calculations, that s 28 years ago.
4
SPEAKER_02
Seven, eight years.
4
SPEAKER_04
Okay, what s this?
4
SPEAKER_04
What am I watching?
4
SPEAKER_04
Is this yours, Dana?
4
SPEAKER_04
I don t know.
4
SPEAKER_00
Hi guys, my name s Kendall.
4
SPEAKER_00
Huge fan.
4
SPEAKER_00
David, growing up, my brother and I used to fight like crazy and we d have to go to work with our parents and fight there and just embarrassing.
4
SPEAKER_00
for them and for us.
4
SPEAKER_00
And when Diggy Roberts came out, that movie brought us together.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like we enjoyed that movie so much and still do.
4
SPEAKER_00
Dana, you re so genuine and so funny and I love your guys  take on things.
4
SPEAKER_00
My question advice is how do you guys keep your creativity going?
4
SPEAKER_00
How do you not stay stagnant and keep so with it?
4
SPEAKER_02
God, I m gonna nominate that as the nicest message we ve gotten.
4
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, the advice is smart.
4
SPEAKER_04
She pads it up front with nice things and then asks, that was an advice, our advice column, but I didn t see it coming, but I figured it out.
4
SPEAKER_04
Okay, so you go first.
4
SPEAKER_02
I mean, as far as me being sincere, I remember
4
SPEAKER_02
a lot of the time people would ask me that kind of thing.
4
SPEAKER_02
And then would they take a creative writing class or a creative seminar or some kind of self-help thing to unlock your inner creativity?
4
SPEAKER_02
Um, to me it was a fat joint and a bunch of stone high school kids.
4
SPEAKER_02
No, uh, I don t know.
4
SPEAKER_02
I think just being playful and goofy, I would say stay up 36 hours, get really punchy and then have your friends throw topics at you and see if you can come up with an interesting take.
4
SPEAKER_02
David, that s all I got.
4
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_04
I think, you know, we re lucky because most people have regular jobs and aren t in the
4
SPEAKER_04
comedy world.
4
SPEAKER_04
So we re sort of always either out to do stand up.
4
SPEAKER_04
So we have to sort of think of things.
4
SPEAKER_04
We have to look at the news and see if there s something to joke about.
4
SPEAKER_04
And then there s just the fact that I hang out with people like you or people that I think are amusing.
4
SPEAKER_04
And then we make each other laugh.
4
SPEAKER_04
So that that does help it.
4
SPEAKER_04
I think keeping everything light and keeping.
4
SPEAKER_04
that I don t know, uh, day to day.
4
SPEAKER_04
I mean, it s hard.
4
SPEAKER_04
It s hard.
4
SPEAKER_04
Cause a lot of there s, it s hard out there in the real world and busting your hump at work all day.
4
SPEAKER_04
So what was she saying?
4
SPEAKER_04
She wants to be a comedian or just be, no, I think she s saying, how does, how do you keep it light and creative and, uh,
4
SPEAKER_04
keep the creativity going.
4
SPEAKER_02
I would say that, you know, there is a little bit of the 10,000 hour thing.
4
SPEAKER_02
Like once you re, you, you, you re committed to comedy and like you said, hanging out with comedians, you kind of know that there s something funny in almost everything, you know, like I, this is even something I would put in my act, but it just made me laugh.
4
SPEAKER_02
You ve been in an elevator with a guy, a stranger, and he gets off on his floor and he turns and says, see you later.
4
SPEAKER_02
Should I be worried?
4
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, well that s a good example.
4
SPEAKER_02
You ever had a guy say, see you later?
4
SPEAKER_04
Of someone taking a very mundane situation.
4
SPEAKER_02
It s not a killer.
4
SPEAKER_02
It s not a killer.
4
SPEAKER_02
Will that be?
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, but here s an example.
4
SPEAKER_02
I just wrote down, this is going to go on for weeks, we should cover it almost like channel super fly action news.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, we do a lot of breaking news.
4
SPEAKER_02
Because Trump is going to trial.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I read that.
4
SPEAKER_02
Trump is going to trial in New York.
4
SPEAKER_02
This is different than the other ones.
4
SPEAKER_02
They re picking a jury.
4
SPEAKER_02
for the stormy Daniels.
4
SPEAKER_02
He had sex with her in a hotel room in 2006, 2011 in touch magazine was going to give her 15 K to spill the beans.
4
SPEAKER_02
Then they Trump s fixer Cohen, his lawyer put the kibosh on that.
4
SPEAKER_02
Then she came out later.
4
SPEAKER_02
Then allegedly
4
SPEAKER_02
Trump s fixer lawyer took out a mortgage on his home, paid her 130K to be quiet.
4
SPEAKER_02
She did an NDA, non-disclosure agreement.
4
SPEAKER_02
And now there s a trial about Trump paying back his lawyer and not saying,
4
SPEAKER_02
you know, on the check.
4
SPEAKER_02
This is for playing off the ex-porn star Stormy Daniel for the night in the hotel room, so she ll keep her trap shut.
4
SPEAKER_02
That s what this check.
4
SPEAKER_02
So he didn t do that.
4
SPEAKER_02
In the memo.
4
SPEAKER_02
He has to become president at this point because no one can keep track of the trials in the affidavit.
4
SPEAKER_02
He has to become president and his inaugural address will just be pardoning himself.
4
SPEAKER_02
For the charge of inflating my assets in New York City, I thereby pardon Donald J. Trump.
4
SPEAKER_02
I pardon all of it.
4
SPEAKER_02
It s like three hours long.
4
SPEAKER_02
Seven hundred and twenty nine affidavits.
4
SPEAKER_02
The charges are in the thousands.
4
SPEAKER_02
I pardon every single one of them.
4
SPEAKER_02
And so what do you think about that?
4
SPEAKER_04
Give yourself a new start.
4
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_04
I mean, there s so many.
4
SPEAKER_04
The news is pretty confusing because there s so much going on everywhere.
4
SPEAKER_04
There s a trial.
4
SPEAKER_04
There s a war.
4
SPEAKER_04
There s
4
SPEAKER_04
border crisis.
4
SPEAKER_04
There s a million things going on.
4
SPEAKER_04
So I m trying to figure out which one to be worried about the most at all times.
4
SPEAKER_04
So I m just constantly in a state of tight shoulders.
4
SPEAKER_04
But I don t know what to do.
4
SPEAKER_02
That s true.
4
SPEAKER_02
And how to make fun of it.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_04
How to spin it all and joke about it all because it s my only way to survive it.
4
SPEAKER_04
It s all scary.
4
SPEAKER_04
And it s never been a time in my young years, I m very young, but it s never been a time where I haven t been worried about so many things and so many things I have no control over, it s hard to separate it all.
4
SPEAKER_02
It s a little unsettling.
4
SPEAKER_02
I don t know if it s social media or just the times we re in, but I think a lot of people thought that Trump was so exhausting.
4
SPEAKER_02
We re going to do this and there and he s calling people names and Nancy Pelosi, not a nice person.
4
SPEAKER_02
So then when Biden came in, everything s going to calm down.
4
SPEAKER_02
You know, what?
4
SPEAKER_02
She s got a mouth on her, she swears like a sailor, this woman.
4
SPEAKER_02
And now it is, it s like, it s a little, it s a little twisted.
4
SPEAKER_02
I mean, as far as Trump and this particular charge, I just thought that we kind of settled the idea that sex with a politician is a different lane.
4
SPEAKER_02
Because almost everybody, FDR and a girlfriend, JFK harvested basically Eastern Washington.
4
SPEAKER_02
And then Clinton, that whole thing, you know where he goes, he goes, I did not have sex with that woman.
4
SPEAKER_02
And if you play back the tape in slow motion, his finger is spelling, I am lying my ass off.
4
SPEAKER_02
So and then he lied to the grand jury, but everyone understood he s just trying to protect his family So with this one-night stand in a hotel room 20 years ago, we re gonna reorientate the American society But yeah, I don t know that s hard as a hot when there s a war and listen He probably did do something wrong.
4
SPEAKER_04
That s that s it s more like oh
4
SPEAKER_04
If you look at the crime in the news every day and people are getting set free, you re like, this is what we focus on.
4
SPEAKER_04
Like, let s just, how do we get the people that are beating people with baseball bats?
4
SPEAKER_04
Like that s, I d rather start with that or do it all, but do it all.
4
SPEAKER_02
But yeah, this is a white collar crime.
4
SPEAKER_02
If he did, if he didn t.
4
SPEAKER_02
earmark the ledger properly.
4
SPEAKER_02
It s more there s no real victim victim.
4
SPEAKER_02
But as far as Rob, someone putting a gun on guys and robbing his store, I d focus on the violence first.
4
SPEAKER_02
But that s just me.
4
SPEAKER_02
I m a nut.
4
SPEAKER_04
Right.
4
SPEAKER_04
I m crazy like that, too.
4
SPEAKER_04
When they when I saw that video of the guy kicked the woman backwards down the stairs, I was like, good God, what are we doing?
4
SPEAKER_04
That s that s terrifying to me.
4
SPEAKER_04
But is there any sadder news?
4
SPEAKER_04
What else you got going?
4
SPEAKER_02
Um, I just have by popular demand, um, Biden itching his nose.
4
SPEAKER_02
People seem to like it.
4
SPEAKER_02
So I thought I d do a part two.
4
SPEAKER_02
Sure.
4
SPEAKER_02
Let me back myself up a little bit.
4
SPEAKER_04
This is, this isn t earthquake Biden, is it?
4
SPEAKER_02
No, it could be.
4
SPEAKER_04
There s one over here too.
4
SPEAKER_02
Hey Joe, it s a, it s an earthquake.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh, it s not.
4
SPEAKER_01
That s the way the world.
4
SPEAKER_01
Seems all the time.
4
SPEAKER_02
This is him itching his nose and Barack Obama watching on television and kind of yelling at him to go faster.
4
SPEAKER_02
So this is when President Biden, who is just, he s older and they re working him hard.
4
SPEAKER_02
Some days they have like 10 speeches.
4
SPEAKER_02
And at the end of the day, you could tell he s so tired and he kind of wanders off and he sits down and he itches his nose very slowly.
4
SPEAKER_02
Too slow for Obama.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
So anyway, so the people, where is everybody?
4
SPEAKER_01
Come on.
4
SPEAKER_01
I said, I said what I was going to say.
4
SPEAKER_02
And then he goes and he sits.
4
SPEAKER_01
All right.
4
SPEAKER_01
Let s see.
4
SPEAKER_04
Here it comes.
4
SPEAKER_04
He feels an itch.
4
SPEAKER_04
Now he s got to make a move.
4
SPEAKER_02
Faster, Joe.
4
SPEAKER_04
Joe, faster.
4
SPEAKER_02
It s Obama.
4
SPEAKER_02
Joe, faster.
4
SPEAKER_02
Come on, Joe.
4
SPEAKER_02
It s your nose.
4
SPEAKER_02
Joe, get to your nose.
4
SPEAKER_02
You got it, Joe.
5
SPEAKER_01
Joe, drop your index finger from your left nostril.
5
SPEAKER_01
Do it now.
5
SPEAKER_02
Drop your... Joe, that was slower than the moon landing.
5
SPEAKER_01
Joe, drop it fast.
5
SPEAKER_01
Joe!
5
SPEAKER_01
Let gravity take over.
5
SPEAKER_01
He s happy?
5
SPEAKER_01
He got the itch.
5
SPEAKER_01
Well, look, I m not in a... Let s just unpack this.
5
SPEAKER_01
I m not in a television studio.
5
SPEAKER_01
I love it.
5
SPEAKER_01
I m trying to think, on my Zoom shot, what looks funniest?
5
SPEAKER_01
So I brought the finger up slowly from here.
5
SPEAKER_01
Out of frame.
5
SPEAKER_01
Right.
5
SPEAKER_01
I liked it.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
Joe.
5
SPEAKER_01
Pass it, Joe.
5
SPEAKER_02
Play along at home.
5
SPEAKER_01
Pass it, Joe.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
Drop it.
5
SPEAKER_01
Obama s getting farther away.
5
SPEAKER_01
I actually thought of doing Biden as Bob Ross, the painter.
5
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, we re going to do some cheese over here.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh, and Ukraine.
5
SPEAKER_00
Let s give him a tank.
5
SPEAKER_00
A tank over here?
5
SPEAKER_00
Just a little tank.
5
SPEAKER_00
A couple of bullets over here?
5
SPEAKER_00
Don t give him too many.
5
SPEAKER_00
Just a little tank.
5
SPEAKER_02
That s good.
5
SPEAKER_02
You can keep going with that one.
5
SPEAKER_02
That one s good.
5
SPEAKER_01
Well, yeah, that one you could kind of do.
5
SPEAKER_02
We ll do a longer version next week.
5
SPEAKER_02
I like that one.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
All right.
5
SPEAKER_01
What else?
5
SPEAKER_01
Because I got some.
5
SPEAKER_01
By the way, I did.
5
SPEAKER_01
I did see.
5
SPEAKER_01
This is all I got left for today.
5
SPEAKER_01
King Kong.
5
SPEAKER_01
I did see the movie with Godzilla because you mentioned it.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
And the funniest thing to me that there s like five monsters in the movie, there s a frozen one, there s Godzilla, there s King Kong, there s a flying one, every single one.
5
SPEAKER_01
when it would announce itself, would open its mouth and scream.
5
SPEAKER_01
And there must have been a hundred screams in that movie.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s like, here comes Buckwell, the monster.
5
SPEAKER_01
It would echo way out.
5
SPEAKER_01
After the hundredth time, it didn t scare me.
5
SPEAKER_02
I know.
5
SPEAKER_02
And all the other monsters can hear it.
5
SPEAKER_02
And then they know it s like hearing, it s time.
5
SPEAKER_02
They know they have to fight.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I love that Godzilla on planet Earth is looking for a cozy lair, a place to just rest his head.
5
SPEAKER_02
You know where he sleeps?
5
SPEAKER_01
He goes, the Roman Coliseum.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_02
No, I think he sleeps in like Dodger Stadium.
5
SPEAKER_02
No, Giant Stadium he sleeps in, right?
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh, I thought it was Roman Coliseum.
5
SPEAKER_02
Oh, you know, it might ve been.
5
SPEAKER_02
It is similar.
5
SPEAKER_02
Let s go to the tape.
5
SPEAKER_02
I wasn t really paying attention.
5
SPEAKER_02
He was sleeping in something.
5
SPEAKER_00
Roman Coliseum.
5
SPEAKER_00
Roman Coliseum.
5
SPEAKER_00
Roman Coliseum.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
All right, let s put a little missile in Ukraine.
5
SPEAKER_00
Just a couple.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, not too much.
5
SPEAKER_00
There you go.
5
SPEAKER_00
Just jello.
5
SPEAKER_02
Get some green tanks.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, get some green tanks.
5
SPEAKER_01
The problem with Zoom is that your hand is always a superstar.
5
SPEAKER_02
No, you re doing good.
5
SPEAKER_02
No, you go back here.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s a green thing.
5
SPEAKER_02
Okay, so I will tell you.
5
SPEAKER_01
I could do the guru better with these glasses, because you can see my eyes more.
5
SPEAKER_02
Do you want to save the guru for next week?
5
SPEAKER_02
Everyone loved the guru.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yes, I just want to.
5
SPEAKER_02
Just here s a preview.
5
SPEAKER_02
That s the face.
5
SPEAKER_01
Just the eyes.
5
SPEAKER_02
Coming soon.
5
SPEAKER_01
Guess if I m talking.
5
SPEAKER_02
You re giving away too much.
5
SPEAKER_02
Oh, I like that song.
5
SPEAKER_02
You know, Biden could just let his hand.
5
SPEAKER_01
Now I ve gotten officially punchy.
5
SPEAKER_02
Now you got punchy.
5
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_02
So I m on kill Tony this week, that podcast, uh, uh, with David Tell, which is fun.
5
SPEAKER_02
That s wherever a YouTube is sold.
5
SPEAKER_01
Uh, you can go watch YouTube kill Tony.
5
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_02
Watch kill Tony for free.
5
SPEAKER_02
Watch ours for free.
5
SPEAKER_01
And this comes out Friday.
5
SPEAKER_01
What are your dates?
5
SPEAKER_02
Oh yeah, I m coming up.
5
SPEAKER_02
I got Florida, Clearwater.
5
SPEAKER_02
You can go to davidspade.com.
5
SPEAKER_02
I got Orlando.
5
SPEAKER_02
I ve got some Vegas.
5
SPEAKER_02
So check it out.
5
SPEAKER_02
That s it.
5
SPEAKER_02
Thank you guys.
5
SPEAKER_01
Thank you, Dana.
5
SPEAKER_01
See you, David Spade.
5
SPEAKER_01
Miss you, Dana.
5
SPEAKER_01
We ll talk in two minutes.
5
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I ll call you right back.
5
SPEAKER_02
Okay, bye.
5
SPEAKER_02
This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly.
5
SPEAKER_02
It s executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Charlie Finan of Brillstein Entertainment, Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman.
5
SPEAKER_02
Hope you liked it.