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 Bring a little optimism into your life with The Bright Side, a new kind of daily podcast from Hello Sunshine, hosted by me, Danielle Robay.
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And me, Simone Boyce.
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Every weekday, we're bringing you conversations about culture, the latest trends, inspiration, and so much more.
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I am so excited about this podcast, The Bright Side.
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You guys are giving people a chance to shine a light on their lives, shine a light on a little advice that they want to share.
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 Listen to The Bright Side on America's number one podcast network, iHeart.
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Open your free iHeart app and search The Bright Side.
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 Guess what, Will?
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What's up, Mango?
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I've been trying to write a promo for our podcast, Part-Time Genius, but even though we've done over 250 episodes, we don't really talk about murders or cults.
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I mean, we did just cover the Illuminati of cheese, so I feel like that makes us pretty edgy.
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We also solve mysteries like how Chinese is your Chinese food and how do dollar stores make money?
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And then, of course, can you game a dog show?
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 So what you're saying is everyone should be listening.
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Listen to Part-Time Genius on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.
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This is the story of how a group of people brought music back to Afghanistan by creating their own version of American Idol.
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The joy they brought to the nation.
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You're free completely.
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No one is there to destroy you.
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The danger they endured.
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They said my head should be cut off.
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 I'm John Legend.
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Listen to Afghan Star on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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SPEAKER_07
 Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world.
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And I'm excited.
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I'm really looking forward to today's episode and the episodes that are going to follow.
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I know I've been sharing a lot of behind the scenes conversations with you recently.
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 But I'm back.
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I'm right here.
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I'm going to guide you through our next session today.
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It's going to be incredible.
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I want you to know that these Friday episodes, these weekly workshops that we do together are built to help you make the change.
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 in the other episodes you listen to.
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So when you hear ideas, concepts, practices, this Friday episode, every single week or whenever you listen to it, is designed to help you transform your life.
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 One of the most amazing things about being in this way together is that we're getting to build our relationship.
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And I want to thank you for having invested in this community.
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Whether you are listening to your first podcast ever, or this is over a hundred episodes for you, I just want to deeply express my gratitude to you.
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So let me ask you this question.
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Do you know the five stages of relationships?
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 According to The Independent, a large relationship survey showed that most relationships go through a similar progression of stages.
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See if these sounds familiar.
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First, there's the spark phase, where you realize you're attracted to one another.
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 Then there's the honeymoon phase.
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You've probably heard of that one.
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It's where you are in that kind of blissful state where everything's wonderful, the other person can do no wrong.
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Now, this may surprise you.
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For people who are doing online dating, it takes about three months for them to deactivate their accounts once they've been dating someone.
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But get this, who do you think does it first?
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 It's the guys.
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As many as 28% of men deactivate their accounts three weeks into dating someone, compared to only 17% of women.
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But for most, it's about three months.
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Okay, then there's the intimacy phase, where you start getting more comfortable with one another.
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Maybe you're leaving a few pieces of clothing or a toothbrush at his or her apartment, for instance.
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 Again, it's at about the three-month mark that most couples start to say, I love you.
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Those three words, I love you.
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And guess who usually says it first again?
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It's the guys.
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 The fourth phase is the commitment phase.
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You're making long-term plans together.
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Maybe you're moving in or even getting engaged or married.
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This phase can be pretty long depending on the relationship.
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Except, as we know, most relationships fail.
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And that brings us to the last phase, the heartbreak phase.
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 Check this out.
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Now, I'm sure the length of the relationship has something to do with it.
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But according to the survey, 67% of people who've had a breakup will start dating someone new within the year.
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Except for one third of millennials who say they're ready to get back to dating within a month.
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But we don't want to keep finding ourselves back there, right?
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We want our relationships to be one of the success stories.
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 Yet if life feels more stressful than ever, as is in the case for so many people right now, how do we manage it?
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How do we foster relationships that thrive so that we can thrive in them and with them?
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How do we make love last, even and especially when it feels like the world's falling down around us?
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That's what we're going to talk about today.
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 As you know, we're spending Fridays right now taking topics from my book, Think Like a Monk, and going deeper.
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Today we're on chapter five, which is about living a life connected with purpose and meaning.
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The passage I selected for today is this one.
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We've all got a special genius inside of us, but it may not be on the path that opens directly before us.
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There may be no visible path at all,
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 Our dharmas don't hide, but sometimes we need to work patiently to recognize them.
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 Now, when I reread this passage, something new stood out to me.
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Instead of thinking about finding our purpose and passion in our lives as individuals, I wanted to talk about finding our purpose and passion in our relationships.
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In the book, I write about how we often need to invest some time and energy uncovering and connecting with our passions and our purpose.
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They don't just appear magically.
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And so finding them involves taking some risks.
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It involves trying new things.
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It involves being willing to look at things in new ways.
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 And those new things won't always work out in the way we decide.
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They're experiences or behaviors we want to repeat.
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But on the other hand, they do always work out.
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Because from the standpoint that we've learned something, and when we're learning, we're always growing.
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 It's the same thing in relationships.
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And I think if we don't have that growth-oriented mindset in our relationships, it's not going to be filled with the kind of passion and excitement.
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It's not going to engage us in a way that we want to have that relationship for our whole lives.
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Instead, it's going to become stagnant.
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It will never truly get off the ground.
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And so we often talk about climbing the career ladder.
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But today, I want to talk about climbing the love ladder.
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 How do we have relationships where we're constantly seeking new heights, both together and as individuals?
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So today I'm going to tell you about the three L's of the love ladder and three ways to ensure that you're always climbing higher in your relationship.
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 Now, for those of you who are like Jay Ladis climbing higher, this sounds a lot like work.
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Shouldn't love be easy?
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Think of it like this.
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I live in LA.
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Now, all around LA, you've got these amazing trails, and a lot of them go up into the hills and different canyons, different caves.
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Now, you can stay down in the valley.
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That's your choice.
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 But if you want the best, most inspiring, incredible views, like to see the most gorgeous sunset, or to view Griffith's Observatory, you've got to do a little climbing.
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Plus, it's good for you, it's fun, and you can go at your own pace.
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And it's healthy.
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And it's the same thing with the Love Ladder.
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 When I talk about climbing this ladder, it's not something that's grueling or punishing, right?
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Sure, maybe at some moments it will be more challenging.
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That's just natural.
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But it's something you do together to take your relationship to those next levels where you have access to greater potential as a couple for longevity and satisfaction and joy.
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One of the biggest challenges of being human is how easy it is to prioritize safety over growth and exploration.
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 It's in the wiring of our brains.
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Yet if we don't try new things and we don't take emotional risks, our relationship becomes stagnant.
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So how do we balance the two and what is it exactly that makes long-term relationships successful?
0
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New research points to teamwork.
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 When you find that bright spot to help you get through your day, it's powerful.
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That's where The Bright Side comes in.
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A new daily podcast from Hello Sunshine that's bringing you a daily dose of joy.
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I'm Danielle Robay.
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And I'm Simone Boyce.
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Listen, both Danielle and I are reporters.
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We've covered the news and we know the world can feel heavy, but The Bright Side podcast is a space to have a little fun, to learn something new and get into some friendly debates.
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 That's right.
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Join us five days a week to see how life can look from the bright side.
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We'll hear from celebrities, authors, experts and listeners like you, whether it's relationships, friend advice or figuring out how to navigate life's transitions.
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We'll talk through it all together.
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Listen to the bright side from Hello Sunshine every weekday on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
0
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 A new season of Bridgerton is here.
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And with it, a new season of Bridgerton, the official podcast.
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I'm your host, Gabrielle Collins.
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And this season, we are bringing fans even deeper into the ton.
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Colin Bridgerton has returned from his travels abroad.
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Is Betrothal written in the stars for the eligible bachelor?
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Meanwhile, the ton is reverberating with speculation of who holds Lady Whistledown's pen.
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We're discussing it all.
0
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 I sit down with Nicola Coughlin, Luke Newton, Shonda Rhimes, and more to offer an exclusive peek behind the scenes of each episode of the new season.
0
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Watch season three of the Shondaland series on Netflix.
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Then, fall in love all over again by listening to Bridgerton, the official podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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Subscribe to catch a new episode every Thursday.
0
SPEAKER_05
 Guess what, Mango?
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What's that, Will?
0
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So iHeart is giving us a whole minute to promote our podcast, Part-Time Genius.
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I know, that's why I spent my whole week composing a haiku for the occasion.
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It's about my emotional journey in podcasting over the last seven years, and it's called Earthquake House.
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Mango, I'm going to cut you off right there.
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Why don't we just tell people about our show instead?
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Yeah, that's a better idea.
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So every week on Part-Time Genius, we feed our curiosity by answering the world's most important questions.
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Things like, when did America start dialing 911?
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 is William Shatner's best acting work in Esperanto.
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Also, what happened to Esperanto?
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Plus, we cover questions like how Chinese is your Chinese food?
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How do dollar stores stay in business?
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And of course, is there an Illuminati of cheese?
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There absolutely is.
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And we are risking our lives by talking about it.
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But if you love mind blowing facts, incredible history and really bad jokes, make your brains happy and tune in to Part Time Genius.
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Listen to Part Time Genius on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.
0
SPEAKER_07
 Researcher Samantha Jo set out to determine what makes a good relationship.
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She and her colleagues analyzed data from more than 11,000 couples to find out what factors predicted the quality of their relationships, specifically how satisfied and appreciative people are of their partners.
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What they found was surprising.
0
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 As Joel told CNN, it turns out that when it comes to a satisfying relationship, the partnership you build is more important than the partner you pick.
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It wasn't the individual characteristics of the partner that mattered as much as the characteristics of the relationship they built together.
0
SPEAKER_07
 Now, to learn how to build a great relationship, it's great to have an example.
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So let's turn to a pair who've been together for years.
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It's fair to say they're a real power couple, Alex Honnold and Tommy Caldwell.
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But this pair of professional climbers actually can teach us a whole lot about climbing our own love ladder.
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Specifically, their story of breaking one of climbing's most hotly contested records models perfectly the three L's of relationships that last.
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 El Capitan in Yosemite National Park is a climbing mecca.
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Even non-climbers like me know about it.
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 One particularly well-known route up El Cap is called the Nose.
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And ever since it was first climbed in 1958, a feat that took 45 days, people have been competing to climb it faster.
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But think about this, Alex Honnold's five-year speed record of two hours and 23 minutes, that's a heck of a lot faster than 45 days, was broken by just over four minutes.
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 He rang Caldwell and asked him to help reclaim the record.
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Over several days, the pair climbed the nearly 3,000-foot route over and over again, learning the route, testing the best and most effective tactics, and each time, they used less and less safety equipment so they could move faster.
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First, Tommy would climb and set the safety equipment, then Alex would follow.
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Then Alex would take the lead on a pitch, and Tommy would follow.
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 Eventually, the pair did reclaim the record by nearly nine minutes, but that wasn't enough for the team.
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Alex was convinced they could also be the first team to break the two-hour mark.
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Tommy looked at his partner, took a deep breath, and said, okay, let's go for it.
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Everybody's like, could it be done?
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Could the two-hour nose actually be climbed?
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And so it had that sort of allure to it.
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 And a few days later, they pulled it off, clocking in at a lightning fast of one hour and 58 minutes.
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I wasn't sure that we were actually going that fast until I saw the timer and saw 157 when I got to the top.
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And I was like, oh, we're doing it.
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We're doing it.
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 Parents, ready to discover a new educational and interactive podcast for kids?
0
SPEAKER_06
Join Stories for Kids by Lingokids, where episodes are packed with fun activities.
0
SPEAKER_06
Right, Elliot?
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SPEAKER_06
Oh, yes!
0
SPEAKER_06
We learned how to recycle at the beach.
0
SPEAKER_06
 That was great fun!
0
SPEAKER_06
Cowie, what do you say?
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SPEAKER_03
It was!
0
SPEAKER_03
And that time when we did the science experiment and Billy made raisins dance!
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SPEAKER_03
That is so cool, Billy!
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He did!
0
SPEAKER_06
Not to mention when a certain Elliot took up swimming classes with Lisa.
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That was me!
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SPEAKER_06
Bet you can't catch me!
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SPEAKER_06
I'm going to get you!
0
SPEAKER_06
 All this fun and more in our Stories for Kids.
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Lingo Kids' Stories for Kids is now available on Story Button, the kid-friendly device for screenless podcast listening.
0
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Listen to Stories for Kids on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
0
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 When the Taliban banned music in Afghanistan, millions were plunged into silence.
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Radios were smashed.
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Cassettes burned.
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You could be beaten or jailed or killed for breaking the rules.
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And yet, Afghans did it anyway.
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This is the story of how a group of people brought music back to Afghanistan by creating their own version of American Idol.
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SPEAKER_12
 The danger they endured.
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SPEAKER_08
They said my head should be cut off.
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SPEAKER_12
The joy they brought to the nation.
0
SPEAKER_00
You're free completely.
0
SPEAKER_00
No one is there to destroy you.
0
SPEAKER_12
I'm John Legend.
0
SPEAKER_12
Listen to Afghan Star on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
0
SPEAKER_02
 Hey everyone, this is Molly and Matt and we're the hosts of Grown Up Stuff How to Adult, a podcast from Ruby Studio and iHeart Podcasts.
0
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It's a show dedicated to helping you figure out the trickiest parts of adulting.
0
SPEAKER_02
 like how to start planning for retirement, creating a healthy skincare routine, understanding when and how much to tip someone, and so much more.
0
SPEAKER_03
We're back with season two of the podcast, which means more opportunities to glow up and become a more responsible and better adult, one life lesson at a time.
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And let me just tell you, this show is just as much for us as it is for you.
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So let's figure this stuff out together.
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This season, we're going to talk about whether or not we're financially and emotionally ready for dog ownership.
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SPEAKER_03
 We're going to figure out the benefits of a high yield savings account.
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SPEAKER_02
And what exactly are the duties of being a member of the wedding party?
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All that plus so much more.
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Let's learn about all of it and then some.
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Listen to Grown Up Stuff How to Adult on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
0
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 So why do I think this story is such a great model for relationships?
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Because they never would have accomplished this amazing task without using the three L's of a lasting relationship.
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Leading, leaning, and learning.
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 Let's look at the first L, leading.
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Just like the climbers took turns doing the hard work of leading a pitch, in great relationships, both partners take turns leading.
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It's like with my wife, Radhi and me.
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We're both really engaged with our work, but sometimes, depending on what we're doing, one of us needs more attention and support.
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 It doesn't always balance out perfectly, but we make it work overall so that we each get the time where we lead and time where we follow.
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When I first met Radhi, she was new to spirituality.
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She had it in her, she had it in her upbringing and her family, but it was new to her.
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And today I consider her to be one of my spiritual guides.
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She's come to my classes, but now I feel like she's the one inspiring me in so many ways.
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 Leading can look other ways too.
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Maybe you take the lead in different areas of your relationship depending on your strengths.
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Like Radhi definitely takes the lead in the kitchen because it's a major strength and passion of hers, which is really, really important.
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 And I tend to take the lead with stuff going on in our business and everything that's around there because that was a strength for me.
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With other couples, one often takes the lead with socializing or entertaining or sometimes with the kids.
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Taking the lead doesn't mean you have to take turns doing everything if it's not something you like or you have a particular strength, but it has to be divided consciously, intentionally.
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 I remember when I first got married to Radhi, we would always say to each other, okay, well, I would say to her, you cook, I clean, that's how it works and we'll make it happen.
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And she agreed to that, right?
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It's a mutual agreement that you want to come to.
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It isn't someone getting left with whatever you asked them to do.
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 So it's really, really important that you make it a mutual discussion and agreement and intentionally go over it because sometimes who leads and who follows isn't decided by you consciously.
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It's just default.
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Another way partners in powerful teams share the lead is emotionally.
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 The pandemic is a great example.
0
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With more pressure on couples and families than ever, trying to keep everyone safe and healthy, trying to keep up with the work or finding a new job, trying to get the kids dialed in with school, it's way too much for one person to handle alone.
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 But in any relationship at any time, there are going to be high pressure and emotionally draining situations.
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And if you can swap leads rather than taking it all on yourself or letting your partner shoulder the whole burden, you'll have a much greater chance of becoming even stronger as a team through the process.
0
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 In terms of how we share the lead, communication is key.
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If you watch climbers, one of the things they do is communicate clearly about who is taking the lead and when it's safe to climb.
0
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They let the other climber know, the rope is clipped in, you're on belay.
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In other words, I've got you.
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We need to do this with our partner.
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 Instead of playing a guessing game, which in climbing would be pretty dangerous, we need to identify and agree on who's doing what, when.
0
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One of the habits I've created with Radhi is to check in with her at the beginning of the week, and if we're super busy, just for a minute or two in the morning, to say, hey, what's on your schedule?
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And what's on our schedule?
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What do you need my help with?
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 And that help might be logistical, like needing me to get the groceries or not trying to get her to stay up late and watch a movie with me if she's got an early meeting.
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Or it might be emotional, and I share with her the same about my day or my week.
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Once you get in the habit of these kind of check-ins, they actually can go pretty quickly.
0
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 And of course, things can change on the fly too.
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But if you nurture this habit of clear communication, you're already one rung up on the love ladder.
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You've got that skill in place.
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The second L for long lasting relationships is leaning.
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 meaning leaning in.
0
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To climb together, especially speed climbing, climbers have to put a tremendous amount of trust in each other.
0
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Researcher and author Brené Brown describes vulnerability as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.
0
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And like it or not, you can't have a deep, meaningful relationship with someone without it.
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As Brown says, mutual vulnerability is the thickener that binds people in a relationship.
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Sometimes we feel like asking for help and support
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 makes us seem weak, but it actually has the opposite effect on our relationship.
0
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Just like taking turns leading for both partners to be able to know that the other has their back and having that shared experience of trust can bond you like pretty much nothing else.
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 Not only does it feel good for the receiver, it's an incredibly empowering experience to be able to support your partner too.
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As physician and author John Andrew Holmes once wrote, there is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up.
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In terms of how we let ourselves be vulnerable,
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 With our partners, I'm afraid the only way to get good at it is through practice.
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But there is a practice that can help.
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When you're in an emotionally charged situation and you want to have a meaningful conversation with your partner, one of the best things you can do to ensure to create a feeling of safety is to call on your connection.
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Instead of just launching into the difficult topic, spend a few minutes talking to one another in a calm and relaxed way about what you like about each other.
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 Recall how and why you came together in the first place.
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This is a tactic called priming.
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By talking about positive memories and things you like or appreciate about each other, you're actually remembering each other of your connection.
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And research shows that when we feel connected to one another, we become better listeners.
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And listening engenders trust.
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 So try that little exercise the next time you need to be vulnerable and to lean into your partner.
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There's a beautiful quote by the poet Hafiz that goes, I wish I could show you, when you're lonely or in darkness, the astonishing light of your own being.
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The beautiful thing is that when your partner is vulnerable with you,
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 Just being there and listening to them actually shows them their own light and their own worth.
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Now the third and final L is that last rung on your ladder.
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It's learning.
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 When they were preparing to go for the record, Alex and Tommy climbed their nose over and over and picked apart each section to find the best way to shave off climbing time while staying as safe as possible.
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It's all relative, of course, but by going on that journey of learning together, when the time came to perform, the two were like a well-oiled machine.
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 Then, once they broke the record, they decided to go for more to break the two-hour mark.
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We could go up this evening and just do another lap.
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I think I'm good.
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 In great relationships, each partner challenges each other to bring out their best.
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In fact, that's actually responsible for a lot of excitement and engagement that keeps couples together over the long term.
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When you learn together, you grow together.
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And so there's always something fresh happening in the relationship.
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That doesn't mean you have to push always to be doing something new.
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You don't need to put yourself under that kind of pressure, but even just taking on a learning mindset to deal with the issues that naturally come up will keep your relationship fresh.
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 When a challenge arises, it's like all of a sudden you and your partner are in a room with a locked door and you need to figure out a way out.
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Almost like an escape room.
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You can look at it like a puzzle to solve or you can let your fear lead.
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Shut down and allow yourself to be trapped.
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Eventually your partner is going to want out.
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And if you choose not to embrace that challenge and find a solution with them, you're probably going to be left behind.
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 My wife and I actually love doing escape rooms together.
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We've done quite a few together, in part because we approach them so differently.
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The first time we did it, Radhi is the most lateral thinker.
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I was shocked at just how great she was at discovering things I would never understand.
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And me with my logical brain could barely figure anything out.
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And I was looking at the time and everything else.
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We learned a lot about each other that day.
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 I'm all about trying to jump on every clue and solve it as quickly as possible.
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Radhi is just chill.
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She sits back and takes it all in.
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And I'll be honest, far too often she solves the clue, but I get my turns too.
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And the most fun is when we solve them together.
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It really feels like an accomplishment.
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 The good news is that just like with the first two L's, you can train a growth mindset in your relationship.
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One of the ways you do that when a challenge arises is to ask the questions.
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What's the opportunity here?
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How can we address this as a team?
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Now, when you're struggling financially and there don't seem to be enough hours in the day, I'll admit it, it could seem difficult to find the opportunity, but it is possible.
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 When Mark Pollock and Simone George met, Mark was already blind, but that didn't stop him from asking her to teach him how to salsa dance.
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 she did.
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Eventually the pair fell in love.
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Then one night through a freak and tragic accident, Mark fell out a window.
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When Simone arrived she said, I'm here Mark.
1
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 Later that afternoon, the doctor laid out for them the extent of Mark's injuries, including the likelihood that he would never ever walk again.
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Later, Mark turned to Simone and said, you need to get yourself as far away from this as possible.
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Simone turned to him shocked.
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What I do know, she said, is that I can't handle a breakup while someone I love is in intensive care.
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I'm here as long as you need me, she told Mark.
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When you no longer need me, then we'll discuss our relationship.
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 Mark agreed and the two embarked on a journey of grief and of healing together.
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Today they are still a couple, and they are helping researchers pioneer technology that may help Mark, and others suffering paralysis and helping them walk again.
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So yes, challenges can be big.
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 But if you've invested in your team, you can overcome them.
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And the thing is, if you focused on those two first rungs on learning how to take turns leading and leaning, it's actually easier to embrace challenges and to keep growing together because you've developed that communication and that trust.
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Put all three together and before you know it, you'll be on top of the ladder.
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But this ladder has no end.
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 It never completes or concludes.
1
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It's ever-growing, ever-flowing, and ever-moving.
1
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And it's so important that just like Alex and Tommy, we keep looking for new heights to climb together.
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 Thank you so much for listening to this episode.
1
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It's probably one of my favorite episodes that I've recorded.
1
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I really, truly believe this can transform and empower your relationships.
1
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This applies to your family, this applies to your friends, and of course your romantic relationships.
1
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I hope you'll tag me on Instagram with the number one thing that you've been learning from these episodes.
1
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Tag me in a post.
1
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I can't wait to see what you're learning.
1
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And thank you so much for listening to On Purpose.
1
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Thank you.
1
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 This podcast was produced by Dust Light Productions.
1
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Our executive producer from Dust Light is Misha Yusuf.
1
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Our senior producer is Juliana Bradley.
1
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Our associate producer is Jacqueline Castillo.
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Valentino Rivera is our engineer.
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Our music is from Blue Dot Sessions.
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And special thanks to Rachel Garcia, the Dust Light Development and Operations Coordinator.
1
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 Hey everyone, this is Molly and Matt, and we're the hosts of Grown Up Stuff How to Adult, a podcast from Ruby Studio and iHeart Podcasts.
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It's a show dedicated to helping you figure out the trickiest parts of adulting.
1
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Like how to start planning for retirement, creating a healthy skincare routine, understanding when and how much to tip someone, and so much more.
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Let's learn about all of it and then some.
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Listen to Grown Up Stuff How to Adult on America's number one podcast network, iHeart.
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Open your free iHeart app and search Grown Up Stuff.
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 Stuff
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 A new season of Bridgerton is here.
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And with it, a new season of Bridgerton, the official podcast.
1
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I'm your host, Gabby Collins.
1
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And this season, we are bringing fans even deeper into the ton.
1
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Watch season three of the Shondaland series on Netflix.
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Then fall in love all over again by listening to Bridgerton, the official podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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Subscribe to catch a new episode every Thursday.
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 Discover a new educational and interactive podcast, Stories for Kids by Lingokids.
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Our episodes are packed with fun activities.
1
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Right, Elliot?
1
SPEAKER_04
Oh, yes.
1
SPEAKER_04
We went shape hunting around the block, and we found spheres and cubes on the street.
1
SPEAKER_04
That was great fun.
1
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Join Stories for Kids, the Lingokids podcast, inspiring you to learn while having fun.
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Listen to Stories for Kids on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.