0
SPEAKER_02
Hello, folks.
0
SPEAKER_02
It s Lyle.
0
SPEAKER_02
Here s the deal.
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SPEAKER_02
I ve been having a lot of longer callers on the podcast this year, which personally, I have very much enjoyed.
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SPEAKER_02
It s always great to get to talk to people in depth.
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SPEAKER_02
However, this episode, I thought, why not shake it up a little bit and give callers only 60 seconds until I hang up on them?
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SPEAKER_02
We get in, we get the good stuff, and we go on our way.
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SPEAKER_02
Folks, this is One Minute Calls.
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SPEAKER_02
Let s do it.
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SPEAKER_00
Hi, Ferns.
0
SPEAKER_02
Hey.
0
SPEAKER_02
How are you?
0
SPEAKER_03
Uh, okay, I need you to tell me when I have 30 seconds left.
0
SPEAKER_03
I have two things to say.
0
SPEAKER_03
One of them is, I made meatballs tonight, and, um, I didn t have any breadcrumbs, so I, uh, used tortilla chips instead, and they didn t turn out that good.
0
SPEAKER_03
They tasted like tortilla chips.
0
SPEAKER_03
Um, the second, the second thing, it was pretty good, actually.
0
SPEAKER_03
It wasn t that, uh, we made meatballs.
0
SPEAKER_03
Alright, and second thing is I just got a new job.
0
SPEAKER_03
I m a mechanic.
0
SPEAKER_03
Um, I live in the Midwest.
0
SPEAKER_03
And, um, I switched from just doing brakes and suspension to now engine work, and it s really stressing me out.
0
SPEAKER_03
My first day was today.
0
SPEAKER_02
Oh, wow.
0
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_02
What, why is it stressing you out?
0
SPEAKER_03
Because it s brakes and suspension is super easy, but like, um, engine work is pretty hardcore and, and there s more diagnosing involved.
0
SPEAKER_02
Uh, okay.
0
SPEAKER_02
Are you, uh, confident about your ability to beat the stress?
0
SPEAKER_03
Uh, oh yeah, dude, I got this.
0
SPEAKER_02
Beautiful.
0
SPEAKER_02
Hi, you have a minute.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yo.
0
SPEAKER_01
So the other day, my coworker told me about HMP.
0
SPEAKER_01
Do you know what that is?
0
SPEAKER_02
Nope.
0
SPEAKER_02
What is it?
0
SPEAKER_01
It s the human meat project.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I am not quite positive if it is real or not.
0
SPEAKER_01
What is it?
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh, it s, um, it s about human, sorry, overpopulation, trying to solve that problem by using human meat as food.
0
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_02
Why, why are you not sure about this?
0
SPEAKER_01
Because the website looks real, even though it s a .com.
0
SPEAKER_01
You can buy those.
0
SPEAKER_01
So it s not like a .org where you can t buy those.
0
SPEAKER_02
Wait, no, I m not asking about the website.
0
SPEAKER_02
I m asking about the project.
0
SPEAKER_02
What about the project sounds like a bad idea to you?
0
SPEAKER_01
No, it doesn t sound like a bad idea.
0
SPEAKER_01
I don t know if it s real or not.
0
SPEAKER_02
Give 10 seconds to explain.
0
SPEAKER_01
I don t know if it s real or not.
0
SPEAKER_02
OK, but if it is real, why does it bother you?
0
SPEAKER_02
It sounds actually kind of like not a bad idea.
0
SPEAKER_02
Bobby, how you doing?
0
SPEAKER_02
I m doing great.
0
SPEAKER_02
I got on, man.
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SPEAKER_06
I ate some mushrooms earlier.
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SPEAKER_06
I m watching Cody and Noel.
0
SPEAKER_06
I m watching you.
0
SPEAKER_06
I m eating McDonald s.
0
SPEAKER_02
What inspired you to take mushrooms today?
0
SPEAKER_06
What?
0
SPEAKER_02
Well, you don t have time for a what?
0
SPEAKER_06
Oh, I wasn t on time for anything.
0
SPEAKER_06
I took the mushrooms because I pulled it out of a hat.
0
SPEAKER_06
It was either weed, mushrooms, or alcohol.
0
SPEAKER_02
You pulled either weed, mushrooms, or alcohol out of a hat?
0
SPEAKER_06
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_06
It was three pieces of paper and I drew the mushroom.
0
SPEAKER_02
Do you normally do this before you take drugs?
0
SPEAKER_06
No, it s my Saturday though.
0
SPEAKER_06
I couldn t decide.
0
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_02
So this is the first time you ve done this with the hat?
0
SPEAKER_06
With the hat?
0
SPEAKER_06
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_02
And are you glad that you picked mushrooms and not anything else?
0
SPEAKER_06
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_06
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_06
I think it got me on here.
0
SPEAKER_02
Interesting.
0
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_02
What did we learn about him?
0
SPEAKER_02
We learned that he has a ritual.
0
SPEAKER_02
Um, we learned a lesson folks.
0
SPEAKER_02
We learned, uh, as they told us in kindergarten, you don t, you get what you get and you don t get upset.
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SPEAKER_02
Bobby knew that whatever choice he ended up with would be the right choice because he made the right choice.
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SPEAKER_02
If he had landed on alcohol, he would have had a great night in getting drunk.
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SPEAKER_02
If he landed on weed, he would have had a great night getting high.
0
SPEAKER_02
And if he landed on mushrooms, he would have had a great time doing mushrooms.
0
SPEAKER_02
It s a proverb for life.
0
SPEAKER_02
Whatever happens to you, you enjoy it.
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SPEAKER_00
Call from.
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SPEAKER_02
Kristen.
0
SPEAKER_02
Hey, Kristen.
0
SPEAKER_02
How you doing?
0
SPEAKER_02
Hey, Dick.
0
SPEAKER_02
What s up?
0
SPEAKER_02
You have a minute.
0
SPEAKER_07
I have a minute.
0
SPEAKER_07
Okay, quick.
0
SPEAKER_02
Red or black?
0
SPEAKER_02
Red.
0
SPEAKER_07
Red?
0
SPEAKER_07
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_07
This is going to take probably the minute here.
0
SPEAKER_02
How you doing?
0
SPEAKER_02
What does that question have to do with anything?
0
SPEAKER_07
I m playing roulette right now.
0
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_02
How are you winning?
0
SPEAKER_07
So far, I m about even.
0
SPEAKER_07
Chilling.
0
SPEAKER_02
How much money is on the line?
0
SPEAKER_07
Oh, I m just playing, like, $5 spins.
0
SPEAKER_02
Okay, um... How much money have you won so far?
0
SPEAKER_07
I am up $2 right now.
0
SPEAKER_02
Okay, uh, now did the roulette go?
0
SPEAKER_02
Is it red or is it black?
0
SPEAKER_07
It s slowing down right now.
0
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_07
And it s black.
0
SPEAKER_02
I hung up on him early.
0
SPEAKER_00
Call from... Catherine.
0
SPEAKER_02
Hey Catherine, you have a minute.
0
SPEAKER_04
Hey, uh...
0
SPEAKER_04
So every other day I think about the fact that there are atoms like that is in my mouth that probably at some point were in the asshole of someone else.
0
SPEAKER_02
And how do you feel when you think about that?
0
SPEAKER_02
I don t know.
0
SPEAKER_02
I think maybe I should not think about it.
0
SPEAKER_02
Um, can I give you some perspective?
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_02
Uh, so you re grossed out by, uh, ass atoms, right?
0
SPEAKER_02
But you ve given these qualities to an ass.
0
SPEAKER_02
Gross, disgusting, smelly.
0
SPEAKER_02
But, uh, those qualities are as a result of the labeling that you have done of the atoms.
0
SPEAKER_02
But when you look at an ass and you look at it as just atoms, in the same way you could look at your lips and look at it as just atoms,
0
SPEAKER_02
All the traits that you associate with the ass fade away, and all you re seeing is atoms.
0
SPEAKER_02
So really, just your atoms became atoms in a different place.
0
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, that makes sense.
0
SPEAKER_02
Let s take a phone call.
0
SPEAKER_00
Where are you all from?
0
SPEAKER_05
Hey, my name is- Hi, you have a minute.
0
SPEAKER_05
Hey, I just wanted to know your thoughts on this.
0
SPEAKER_05
I m a delivery driver, so a lot of my expense is gas, and I currently get about 20 miles a gallon, and I have no car payments.
0
SPEAKER_05
Should I maybe take on a car payment and get a vehicle with better mileage?
0
SPEAKER_02
Ooh, can you, what did you say you do for a living?
0
SPEAKER_02
Drive a truck, or you re a delivery driver?
0
SPEAKER_05
Yeah, like door dashing, stuff like that.
0
SPEAKER_02
I don t, can you look into whether or not you can write your gas and stuff off on your taxes?
0
SPEAKER_05
Uh, you can, but it s either your gas or your miles.
0
SPEAKER_05
And it s usually, you usually have more miles.
0
SPEAKER_02
Ooh, okay.
0
SPEAKER_02
Well then in that case, um, I would take that into account to make your decision.
0
SPEAKER_02
Someone said it s a good way to make, to build credit.
0
SPEAKER_00
Call from?
0
SPEAKER_02
Banana Faygo.
0
SPEAKER_07
Hello?
0
SPEAKER_07
Okay, do you think that this should make banana Faygo?
0
SPEAKER_02
Uh, would you drink it?
0
SPEAKER_07
I think I definitely would.
0
SPEAKER_02
Okay, so at least one person would drink it.
0
SPEAKER_07
Would you not?
0
SPEAKER_02
No, definitely not.
0
SPEAKER_02
But I wouldn t really like banana anything.
0
SPEAKER_02
I don t like banana, um, Laffy Taffy.
0
SPEAKER_02
I feel like that s a popular banana thing.
0
SPEAKER_02
Now, let me ask you this.
0
SPEAKER_02
Does the fact- Do you- I- Okay.
0
SPEAKER_02
I think the fact that you would drink it means that there are other people out there who would drink it.
0
SPEAKER_02
And I think enough people out there being, uh, desiring it would warrant its creation.
0
SPEAKER_02
But also, I don t really know what goes into making a soda, so who knows.
0
SPEAKER_07
I really respect that.
0
SPEAKER_07
I know chat is going crazy, but I respect what you have to say.
0
SPEAKER_07
So thank you.
0
SPEAKER_02
You re going to say back.
0
SPEAKER_02
All right.
0
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_04
Hello.
0
SPEAKER_02
Hey, what s up, man?
0
SPEAKER_02
You have a minute.
0
SPEAKER_03
Holy shit.
0
SPEAKER_03
Hey, what s up, gang?
0
SPEAKER_03
How you doing?
0
SPEAKER_03
It s my birthday tomorrow, so I just wanted to say happy birthday, man.
0
SPEAKER_02
How old are you turning?
0
SPEAKER_02
23.
0
SPEAKER_02
What are you most excited about to turn 23?
0
SPEAKER_00
Yes, sir.
0
SPEAKER_02
I am.
0
SPEAKER_02
What are you most excited about?
0
SPEAKER_06
Nothing, man.
0
SPEAKER_06
I m going to Barcelona for like a month and hopefully I can stay there for a while.
0
SPEAKER_02
I m tired of this fucking United States life.
0
SPEAKER_02
Why?
0
SPEAKER_02
What are you tired of about the United States life?
1
SPEAKER_04
Just being a slave to capitalism, man.
1
SPEAKER_04
It sucks.
1
SPEAKER_00
Is Spain not a capitalism?
1
SPEAKER_00
What do they got in Spain?
1
SPEAKER_04
I don t know, man.
1
SPEAKER_04
I just think it ll be way chiller out there and you ll get to drink sangria out anytime you want.
1
SPEAKER_00
That sounds beautiful.
1
SPEAKER_00
I hope you have a great time.
1
SPEAKER_04
Thank you.
1
SPEAKER_04
God bless you, dick.
1
SPEAKER_00
I like that guy a lot.
1
SPEAKER_00
That was a great one minute call.
1
SPEAKER_01
Call from Cassidy.
1
SPEAKER_00
Hey Cassidy, you have a minute.
1
SPEAKER_07
Hey, how s it going?
1
SPEAKER_07
My guinea pig died and I really don t know how to feel about it.
1
SPEAKER_00
How long have you had the guinea pig for?
1
SPEAKER_07
Like two years.
1
SPEAKER_07
His name was Vincenzo.
1
SPEAKER_00
Tell me one of your favorite memories with your guinea pig.
1
SPEAKER_07
He had huge balls.
1
SPEAKER_07
Huge fucking balls.
1
SPEAKER_07
And he could have got along with my other guinea pig better, but my dad was too proud to cut his balls off.
1
SPEAKER_07
Uh, really, why did you want to cut his balls off if, um... So that he can, like, uh, not, like, spray on the other one, and they could get along better.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, is he cumming all over the other guinea pigs?
1
SPEAKER_07
Yeah, it happens.
1
SPEAKER_00
Ah, okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
I feel like if two humans did that on each other, that the human that did that would probably get arrested.
1
SPEAKER_07
Probably.
1
SPEAKER_00
But he was chill.
1
SPEAKER_00
Uh, in a guinea pig world, I feel like it s not as bad.
1
SPEAKER_07
No, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_07
I d like to live in a guinea pig world.
1
SPEAKER_07
Not for the cumming reason.
1
SPEAKER_07
Just in general.
1
SPEAKER_00
Are you gonna get a new one?
1
SPEAKER_07
I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_07
I m going to college, maybe.
1
SPEAKER_01
Call from... Greg.
1
SPEAKER_02
Hi, Greg.
1
SPEAKER_02
Holy crap.
1
SPEAKER_02
Okay, I got one minute.
1
SPEAKER_02
Um... Recently broke up with my lady.
1
SPEAKER_02
And the other day I was reflecting, right?
1
SPEAKER_02
And I had like this gay thought.
1
SPEAKER_02
Cause...
1
SPEAKER_02
Generally a lot of my buddies.
1
SPEAKER_02
I don t know we re kind of growing apart, and I was thinking man I gotta find the right guy for me, but not in like a sexual way or anything just like Gotta find a good guy.
1
SPEAKER_02
You know and then I was like holy crap.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s kind of gay Well like a good male friend Yeah, like a buddy.
1
SPEAKER_00
I Think it s important to have a buddy.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think platonic male friendship is very important platonic friendship of any gender is very important
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, but then I was worried, like, that s not gay, is it?
1
SPEAKER_02
It s just, I want a new buddy.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, you re asking if it s gay to make friends?
1
SPEAKER_02
Dude, I fucking love you, man.
1
SPEAKER_02
You re the best.
1
SPEAKER_00
It is a little gay to make friends.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s undeniably a little gay.
1
SPEAKER_00
You re inviting a dude over to hang out?
1
SPEAKER_00
It s a little gay.
1
SPEAKER_00
He s right.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s a little gay.
1
SPEAKER_01
Call from?
1
SPEAKER_01
Lori.
1
SPEAKER_00
Hey Lori, how you doing?
1
SPEAKER_08
Oh, am I actually on?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yep, you have 60 seconds.
1
SPEAKER_08
Oh, cool.
1
SPEAKER_08
Um, my name s not Lori.
1
SPEAKER_08
It s Tori.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
You have 40 seconds.
1
SPEAKER_08
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_08
So I m trying to make a friend with a woman and I m having trouble finding a woman.
1
SPEAKER_00
Why are you?
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, you re having trouble finding a woman to make friends with.
1
SPEAKER_08
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
Um, why are you having trouble with that?
1
SPEAKER_08
I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_08
I find it hard to like meet someone that like kind of matches my vibe, I guess.
1
SPEAKER_00
What kinds of things have you been doing to attempt to do that?
1
SPEAKER_08
Um, I m trying to join more clubs.
1
SPEAKER_08
Like I m joining a chess club and a gymnastics club and hopefully I ll meet someone to do fun things with.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think if you continue to put yourself out there, it s almost inevitable.
1
SPEAKER_08
Yeah, hopefully.
1
SPEAKER_08
I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_08
It s been a while.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, crap.
1
SPEAKER_00
I hung up on her.
1
SPEAKER_00
I guess that s the whole point.
1
SPEAKER_01
Call from?
1
SPEAKER_00
Jan.
1
SPEAKER_00
Hey Jan, you have a minute.
1
SPEAKER_00
55 seconds.
1
SPEAKER_05
So I just had a conversation with one of my friends that I ve been
1
SPEAKER_05
in school for a couple years and I just had a conversation with him today and Basically, I had like a friend breakup and it s pretty tough Like why do you guys break up?
1
SPEAKER_05
He kissed one of my cousins and was texting the other one.
1
SPEAKER_05
Oh Jesus Yeah, so, um, I don t know how to feel but uh, yeah, I m a people pleaser so it s kind of bittersweet and
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, I mean, look, I think that there s something to be said about, um, you know, setting whatever your boundaries are and then enforcing them.
1
SPEAKER_05
Yeah, exactly.
1
SPEAKER_05
I m working through that now.
1
SPEAKER_00
So I think you want to say in the next five seconds.
1
SPEAKER_00
Um, good night.
1
SPEAKER_00
Good night.
1
SPEAKER_01
Call from Julie to accept press.
1
SPEAKER_00
Hey, Julie, have a minute.
1
SPEAKER_09
Oh, shit.
1
SPEAKER_09
Hi.
1
SPEAKER_09
Um, when you think of a Dorito, do you think of Cool Ranch or Nacho Cheese?
1
SPEAKER_09
Like what is the Dorito?
1
SPEAKER_00
Nacho Cheese is the Dorito.
1
SPEAKER_09
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_09
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_09
Well, that s all.
1
SPEAKER_09
Thank you very much.
1
SPEAKER_00
You too.
1
SPEAKER_00
Have a good one.
1
SPEAKER_01
Call from?
1
SPEAKER_00
Spaghetti.
1
SPEAKER_00
Hi, Spaghetti.
1
SPEAKER_00
How are you?
1
SPEAKER_00
You have 60 seconds.
1
SPEAKER_06
Oh, shit.
1
SPEAKER_06
Hey, um, I love my dog.
1
SPEAKER_00
Why?
1
SPEAKER_06
Uh, I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_06
She s my dog.
1
SPEAKER_06
She s old.
1
SPEAKER_06
I m selling her a sling so I can like help her up the stairs.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s really cute.
1
SPEAKER_00
How old is she?
1
SPEAKER_06
Uh, she s about maybe like 13, a little older.
1
SPEAKER_00
What s the best memory you have with your dog?
1
SPEAKER_06
Oh shit.
1
SPEAKER_06
Uh, I don t know, like holding her after like, uh,
1
SPEAKER_06
our floors got done and she was like actually feeling cuddly normally she s not like that cuddly that s really cute what kind of dog is she she s just like we don t know her exact breed she s mutt uh where do you think we go when we die oh shit i don t know man i don t really care anything else you want to say before we go you have five seconds uh yay that s it
1
SPEAKER_01
Easy.
1
SPEAKER_00
Hello?
1
SPEAKER_10
Oh my god!
1
SPEAKER_00
Hi.
1
SPEAKER_00
You have 60 seconds.
1
SPEAKER_10
Oh my god!
1
SPEAKER_10
Hi!
1
SPEAKER_10
I love you!
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, that s so sweet of you to say.
1
SPEAKER_00
Um, what s going on with you?
1
SPEAKER_00
How s your life?
1
SPEAKER_00
Tell me everything.
1
SPEAKER_10
Um, okay.
1
SPEAKER_10
Fuck it.
1
SPEAKER_10
I want to tell you about my project team.
1
SPEAKER_10
We re making a canoe out of concrete, and this shit floats.
1
SPEAKER_10
Um, I m the aesthetics lead, and um,
1
SPEAKER_10
It s 70s themed and it s called the Boogie Boat.
1
SPEAKER_00
How do you make a canoe out of concrete?
1
SPEAKER_00
There s no way you re going to be able to tell me the answer in 15 seconds, but it s less dense than water.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s less dense than water.
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, I mean, I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_00
I guess if you can make like a whole fucking Disney Cruise float, you can make something out of concrete.
1
SPEAKER_10
Yeah, I guess so.
1
SPEAKER_10
We like race it.
1
SPEAKER_10
There are like four people in there.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s pretty impressive.
1
SPEAKER_00
Thank you.
1
SPEAKER_00
You have a good rest of the night.
1
SPEAKER_00
Pretty impressive.
1
SPEAKER_00
A whole ship made out of cardboard.
1
SPEAKER_00
Wait, no, man, out of concrete.
1
SPEAKER_00
Hey, man, you got a minute.
1
SPEAKER_03
Hey, so I was I m kind of in a funny position right now.
1
SPEAKER_03
I was considering originally going to blacksmithing.
1
SPEAKER_03
And I tested out of high school for that, and I ve been invested in that for about a year now, before realizing if I really want to make it, I need to get basically a whole machine shop on my side.
1
SPEAKER_03
So I m considering pivoting to something like maybe computer sciences, but I m really stuck in my position here, because that would require a lot of
1
SPEAKER_03
I m just stuck, man.
1
SPEAKER_00
How old are you?
1
19.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
Um, so like when you re, uh, 70 years old, the amount of time that it took you to pivot will be, um, nothing.
1
SPEAKER_03
That s a good way of putting it.
1
SPEAKER_03
I always kind of had the idea I was just going to end up dying in a war.
1
SPEAKER_03
So it didn t really matter.
1
SPEAKER_03
Um,
1
SPEAKER_03
It s probably a bad thought though.
1
SPEAKER_00
What war would you die in?
1
SPEAKER_03
We d get into one.
2
SPEAKER_03
I mean being realistic here.
2
SPEAKER_01
Who do you think you d go to war with?
2
SPEAKER_03
I don t know.
2
SPEAKER_03
There s so many.
2
SPEAKER_03
China, Russia, just something.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well if you get to a war then nothing will matter what you did, you know?
2
SPEAKER_03
Well yeah, that s kind of my point.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay, so what do you want to do?
2
SPEAKER_03
Think I had a really bad nihilistic worldview going into this and I m probably just overthinking it but I Think I m gonna go into the blacksmithing thing and just hope I find enough money to get a machine shop Yeah, you don t want to pivot You know, maybe not because I don t know that much about computers and I was thinking about I
2
SPEAKER_03
Computer Sciences because I just looked up indeed.com and oh look at that.
2
SPEAKER_03
There s a lot of jobs Well, I ll say this you know computers, you know, they re kind of a fad but swords, yeah Swords are cool but For anyone in chat if you own a katana, you re dumb, but that s all I m gonna say
2
SPEAKER_03
Thank you for calling.
2
SPEAKER_03
Thank you very much.
2
SPEAKER_00
Have a good day.
2
SPEAKER_00
Call from.
2
SPEAKER_00
Meow.
2
SPEAKER_01
Hi, you have a minute.
2
SPEAKER_07
Hello.
2
SPEAKER_07
I m a longtime watcher and first time caller.
2
SPEAKER_07
My boyfriend s roommate has a cat and I m really good friends with the cat, like best cat I ve ever met.
2
SPEAKER_07
But one day my boyfriend will not be roommates with that roommate and I will not
2
SPEAKER_07
have the cat near me anymore.
2
SPEAKER_07
What do I, how do I deal with that?
2
SPEAKER_01
Uh, when you re with the cat, I want you to really feel the cat s fur.
2
SPEAKER_01
I want you to stop what you re doing.
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t want you to be on your phone when you re with the cat.
2
SPEAKER_01
All right.
2
SPEAKER_01
Just really for a second, meditate with the cat, be in the moment with the cat and accept, um, the time that you do have with this cat is the only time you will ever have with this cat and really be in that time and really be in that moment as much as you can with all of your attention, all of your senses.
2
SPEAKER_00
All from Kyle.
2
SPEAKER_01
Hi Kyle.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, Hey, you have 30 seconds.
2
SPEAKER_01
Wait.
2
SPEAKER_01
No, you have a minute.
2
SPEAKER_01
I keep saying 30 seconds.
2
SPEAKER_01
I should not fuck you.
2
SPEAKER_01
You have 30 seconds.
2
SPEAKER_02
I finally made it on the show.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yay.
2
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_02
So I wanted to tell you about how, um,
2
SPEAKER_02
I sort of have a crush on my co-worker that has the same name as me.
2
SPEAKER_01
Interesting.
2
SPEAKER_01
Tell me more.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I don t know how to go about asking him if he d want to hang out outside of work because he s kind of older than me.
2
SPEAKER_01
How much older is he than you?
2
SPEAKER_01
He s 34 and I m 19.
2
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_01
Go live your life, Kyle.
2
SPEAKER_01
Go do whatever you feel is good for you as a human being.
2
SPEAKER_00
Call from Althea.
2
SPEAKER_01
Hey there, you got a minute.
2
SPEAKER_08
Did you know that killer bees were a science experiment that escaped from a lab in 1950?
2
SPEAKER_01
Is that true?
2
SPEAKER_01
Does that mean that all killer bees are artificial?
2
SPEAKER_08
Yeah, basically.
2
SPEAKER_01
Now, does that make you more or less afraid of them?
2
SPEAKER_08
I just think it s crazy that they re flying around and nobody s talking about how they re science experiments.
2
SPEAKER_01
You know what I m going to do because you have a good energy to you.
2
SPEAKER_01
You know what I m going to do?
2
SPEAKER_01
I m never going to look this up.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I m just going to believe you.
2
SPEAKER_08
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_08
Thank you.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m going to do that as a personal favor to you.
2
SPEAKER_08
I appreciate it.
2
SPEAKER_01
Is there anything else you want to say to the people at the computer before we go?
2
SPEAKER_08
Go ahead and look it up.
2
SPEAKER_08
It s actually really interesting.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m not going to look.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m not going to look it up.
2
SPEAKER_01
I believe her.
2
SPEAKER_01
Samuel.
2
SPEAKER_01
Samuel, you have 60 seconds.
2
SPEAKER_06
Oh, oh, I m on.
2
SPEAKER_06
All right.
2
SPEAKER_06
Hey, man.
2
SPEAKER_06
Listen, this is right at the core of my crisis, man.
2
SPEAKER_06
I just feel like life s so finite.
2
SPEAKER_06
Like, I just spent an hour trying to call into this show for a minute at a time, and I don t know, man.
2
SPEAKER_06
Like, my career, I m going to spend half my life driving and the other half sleeping.
2
SPEAKER_06
Like, I don t know.
2
SPEAKER_06
This feels like a problem.
2
SPEAKER_01
What do you want to do?
2
SPEAKER_06
What do I want to do?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yep.
2
SPEAKER_06
I don t know, dude.
2
SPEAKER_06
I need that work-life balance.
2
SPEAKER_06
I don t have it.
2
SPEAKER_01
Um, you got to think of something.
2
SPEAKER_01
What s important to you?
2
SPEAKER_01
You know, take a second.
2
SPEAKER_01
Think about what s important to your life.
2
SPEAKER_01
Is it friends?
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_01
Um, do you want to do anything?
2
SPEAKER_01
Do I accomplish anything?
2
SPEAKER_06
That s it.
2
SPEAKER_06
I don t know, man.
2
SPEAKER_01
Hmm.
2
SPEAKER_01
Let the finiteness of life motivate you to do more things that you want to do in your life.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s a good thing that life is finite.
2
SPEAKER_01
Not bad.
2
SPEAKER_06
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_06
All right.
2
SPEAKER_06
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_06
That s perfect.
2
SPEAKER_06
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Makes it more special.
2
SPEAKER_06
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_06
All right.
2
SPEAKER_06
I understand that.
2
SPEAKER_00
Call from Kayla.
2
SPEAKER_01
Hey, Kayla.
2
SPEAKER_00
Hi.
2
SPEAKER_01
How you doing?
2
SPEAKER_01
You have six seconds.
2
SPEAKER_09
I m pretty good.
2
SPEAKER_09
I am obsessed with liminal spaces and if I could live in the back rooms, I d be like extremely comfortable with it.
2
SPEAKER_01
But now if you lived in the back rooms, they would no longer be novel to you.
2
SPEAKER_09
Yeah, technically.
2
SPEAKER_09
I guess I just kind of crave to not exist, but not in like a really sad way.
2
SPEAKER_09
Like the emptiness of a new neighborhood is like really comforting.
2
SPEAKER_01
Have you thought about moving to a new place?
2
SPEAKER_09
I honestly really do.
2
SPEAKER_01
Where would you want to go?
2
SPEAKER_09
Uh, right now I m in Arizona and I either want to go back to Virginia or like to Washington way, just out in the middle of nowhere.
2
SPEAKER_01
Um, have you thought about trying to go to one of the, uh, uh, like a liminal place, like a, like a Chuck cheese that was abandoned or something?
2
SPEAKER_09
Oh yeah, of course.
2
SPEAKER_09
I really want to like go like urban diving, I guess, like exploring like lost places.
2
SPEAKER_01
That d be cool.
2
SPEAKER_00
Paul from?
2
SPEAKER_01
CUNY.
2
SPEAKER_01
Hey, Jimmy, have a minute.
2
SPEAKER_01
Hey, what s up, K?
2
SPEAKER_04
So do you think it s weird to not eat edibles or smoke weed for like years and then decide one weekend to just like eat a shit ton of them and play VRChat?
2
SPEAKER_01
I wouldn t use the word weird to describe that, but obviously something compelled you to want to do that.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I want to know what that thing was.
2
SPEAKER_04
I don t know man, but I ll tell you going into like a digital bar and like getting into a fight with like a banana and like a random Nazi It s uh, it s been enlightening to say the least Okay, have you gotten any value out of doing this?
2
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, so I m a little more confident like when I m like Keanu Reeves or like Kermit You know, it s nice to be able to get out of your own skin Do you feel like you will continue to do this in the future?
2
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, yeah, I m gonna do it a lot.
2
SPEAKER_04
I don t know about the weed and the edibles though But you know gotta do we gotta do how high are you right now?
2
SPEAKER_04
Oh Man, I m real high like Call from Hey, you have a minute
2
SPEAKER_05
Hey, Lyle, so I went sober for the new year, 16 days going strong, but the problem that I m having right now is I have nothing to do with my time passing without smoking weed.
2
SPEAKER_05
I just got out of surgery for the new year, and I need ideas for ways to get out.
2
SPEAKER_05
I m only 20, and I have to wait another 11 months before my birthday.
2
SPEAKER_05
What should I do?
2
SPEAKER_01
First of all, you re on the right track.
2
SPEAKER_01
I feel like the best way to avoid smoking weed is to occupy yourself with something else.
2
SPEAKER_01
What other things do you like to do?
2
SPEAKER_05
Um, I play games.
2
SPEAKER_05
I mountain bike.
2
SPEAKER_05
I do airsoft.
2
SPEAKER_05
I play other sports.
2
SPEAKER_05
And also, before the minute s over, does the green paint stain your face?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yes, it does.
2
SPEAKER_01
And do all those things.
2
SPEAKER_05
Awesome.
2
SPEAKER_05
Thank you for your advice.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, he has 15 seconds left.
2
SPEAKER_00
Call from Potato Guy.
2
SPEAKER_01
Hey, Potato Guy.
2
SPEAKER_01
How are you doing?
2
SPEAKER_02
Hello.
2
SPEAKER_02
I was so glad you picked up this call.
2
SPEAKER_02
How do you feel about Sweet Potato?
3
SPEAKER_00
I like them, you know.
3
SPEAKER_00
I think some people view them as a healthier alternative to french fry potatoes, but I m not sure if they are.
3
SPEAKER_03
I think they have like additional vitamins and minerals and such, but you know.
3
SPEAKER_03
Potatoes are a uniter.
3
SPEAKER_03
They re humble foods that are so versatile.
3
SPEAKER_00
In what way in your life have potatoes been a uniter for you?
3
SPEAKER_03
Well, I just think everyone eats potatoes.
3
SPEAKER_03
Everyone likes potatoes.
3
SPEAKER_03
They re very accessible.
3
SPEAKER_03
uh, affordable food and I eat them all the time.
3
SPEAKER_03
There was a time in a lot.
3
SPEAKER_03
Do you ever realize there s a time in America where the government said we should eat six potatoes a day?
3
SPEAKER_00
Is that true?
3
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_03
When I was a kid, that was the food pyramid.
3
SPEAKER_03
Six pieces of bread or potatoes a day.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then I m going to do because I like you.
3
SPEAKER_03
What?
3
SPEAKER_00
I m going to believe you and not look it up.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s what I do now when I like people.
3
SPEAKER_00
I just believe things that they say.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t look it up.
3
SPEAKER_06
Call from Sprinkles.
3
SPEAKER_00
Hey Sprinkles, you have a minute.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yo, so I haven t been dating for a while.
3
SPEAKER_01
Last time I dated was in high school.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m in my mid twenties right now.
3
SPEAKER_01
I am a virgin, but I m trying to get back in the dating pool, but it s like, it s something I don t really care about.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s not a big deal for me, but I don t know whether it s something I should broach or mention or talk about.
3
SPEAKER_01
Cause like,
3
SPEAKER_01
I m going to suck at it, everyone does, but I don t know how to go about that.
3
SPEAKER_00
I feel like the beautiful thing about life is that you get to choose what it is that you care about.
3
SPEAKER_00
So if you care about sex and dating, you can absolutely plunge yourself in there and explore that universe.
3
SPEAKER_00
But if you don t care about that and you care about other things, you can feel free to decide what it is that you want to do with your life and how you want to prioritize things because life is short.
3
SPEAKER_00
So you should really pick what is important to you and pursue it.
3
SPEAKER_01
Cool.
3
SPEAKER_01
So it s not really a big deal.
3
SPEAKER_00
What, the Euroversion?
3
SPEAKER_00
What was that?
3
SPEAKER_00
What, the Euroversion?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, just like, it s not something that needs to be getting in my way.
3
SPEAKER_00
I had to hang up on him.
3
SPEAKER_00
But, um... I think the right person for you will not care.
3
SPEAKER_00
There s lots of different people in the universe.
3
SPEAKER_00
Especially if you re only in your 20s.
3
SPEAKER_00
And, um... I think that, uh, in a world of, uh, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, infinite... ...uh, potential sexual romantic partners... ...uh, you will be able to find somebody who, uh, does not care that you are a virgin.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I don t know, if you really want to practice sex...
3
SPEAKER_00
You could always, I mean, you could always hire a prostitute.
3
SPEAKER_00
And like, you know, lose your virginity so that you kind of know what you re doing and then go out and date people.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if that s a bad idea or not, but that s illegal.
3
SPEAKER_00
Not everywhere.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know where he lives.
3
SPEAKER_00
Call from.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, Hey, you have a minute.
3
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_04
Uh,
3
SPEAKER_04
I m just wondering, if you were a girl, would you let your husband put it in your ass?
3
SPEAKER_00
If I were a girl, I d let my husband put it in my ass.
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, here s the thing is, as I stand right now as a guy who has an ass, I don t like things in my ass.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if being a girl would change that.
3
SPEAKER_00
And that s not something I would know unless if I was actually experiencing it.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I don t feel like I can answer this question.
3
SPEAKER_00
Um, but I think if I just magically changed genders and my current feelings about, uh, uh, you know, my, what my sexual likes and dislikes, uh, were as they stood, I would not let my husband, um, put his penis in my ass.
3
SPEAKER_05
Would you want your wife to do it?
3
SPEAKER_00
I would, I, did you not hear me?
3
SPEAKER_05
No, but would you want your wife, uh, would you want your wife to do it?
3
SPEAKER_00
I m not sure what that, uh, last question meant.
3
SPEAKER_06
Hey Clayton, you got a minute.
3
SPEAKER_06
What s up?
3
SPEAKER_00
You got 55 seconds.
3
SPEAKER_00
What s going on, man?
3
SPEAKER_00
Not much, man.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m hanging out.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m living life.
3
SPEAKER_00
What s going on?
3
SPEAKER_02
Oh, not a whole lot, man.
3
SPEAKER_02
What s your favorite food in general?
3
SPEAKER_00
My favorite food in general is probably pizza.
3
SPEAKER_02
I ll say that.
3
SPEAKER_02
Pizza.
3
SPEAKER_02
I will probably have to go with pizza or wings.
3
SPEAKER_02
What s your favorite type of wing if you like them?
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh man, it s between honey barbecue and mild.
3
SPEAKER_00
It depends on how spicy I m feeling these days, but I ve been really enjoying mild wings.
3
SPEAKER_00
I might do that after I m done over here.
3
SPEAKER_00
I might get some mild wings.
3
SPEAKER_00
That sounds good.
3
SPEAKER_00
What s the greatest, what is bringing you the most amount of sadness in your life?
3
SPEAKER_02
The most amount of sadness was probably enlisting in the military.
3
SPEAKER_02
It was a big mistake.
3
SPEAKER_00
Thank you for calling.
3
SPEAKER_00
You know, I ve been saying, I get mixed calls about that because some people who join the military that I ve talked to both on the show and in my personal life, they feel like it was the best decision.
3
SPEAKER_00
I ve only heard the polar extremes.
3
SPEAKER_00
I ve only heard people being like, it s the best decision I ever made in my life and it s the worst decision I ve ever made in my life.
3
SPEAKER_00
Kind of fascinating.
3
SPEAKER_06
Call from Ludovico.
3
SPEAKER_00
Hey, how are you?
3
SPEAKER_07
Hello?
3
SPEAKER_00
Hi, you have a minute.
3
SPEAKER_07
Um, so I, uh, hooked up with my coworker that is five years older than me and also does not have good relations with any women at my job.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, what made you want to hook up with him?
3
SPEAKER_07
Um, honestly, I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_07
I just kind of wanted to, but yeah.
3
SPEAKER_07
I met him in a hotel.
3
SPEAKER_07
It was good, but my friend s really mad at me for it now.
3
SPEAKER_00
Why is your friend mad at you?
3
SPEAKER_07
What?
3
SPEAKER_07
Why is she mad at me?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, why is she mad at you?
3
SPEAKER_07
Um, because he was saying stuff to my other co-worker and he also cheated on his girlfriend with my other co-worker.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh.
3
SPEAKER_07
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Um, are you going to see him again?
3
SPEAKER_07
Um, I did.
3
SPEAKER_07
After the first time.
3
SPEAKER_07
And then I told my friend.
3
SPEAKER_07
Are you going to see him again after that?
3
SPEAKER_07
Um, it s only been two times, but honestly, I, I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_07
I, I might.
3
SPEAKER_06
Call from Leslie.
3
SPEAKER_00
Leslie?
3
SPEAKER_06
Yes, hi.
3
SPEAKER_00
Hey Leslie, you have a minute.
3
SPEAKER_08
Okay, I just wanted to say that I have a gecko and I need him, Lyle.
3
SPEAKER_08
And I think I am a terrible friend because I feel like to never text back.
3
SPEAKER_00
Uh, you feel like a terrible friend because you don t text back?
3
SPEAKER_08
Why don t you text back?
3
SPEAKER_08
Oh my god.
3
SPEAKER_00
Alright, I m gonna tell you something, Leslie.
3
SPEAKER_00
Listen, I just need you to know that you live in a world that was not meant for you.
3
SPEAKER_00
Human beings and technology are not on the same pace.
3
SPEAKER_00
So it is very understandable that you have a difficult time texting people back, and you should not beat yourself up about that.
3
SPEAKER_08
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_08
Okay, I guess it s just a condition.
3
SPEAKER_00
I had to hang up on her.
3
SPEAKER_00
But I believe so heavily in that.
3
SPEAKER_00
I leave people on read all the time.
3
SPEAKER_00
Because look, you guys here s and I hate when people get upset at me for it.
3
SPEAKER_00
I hate when people get upset before it.
3
SPEAKER_00
Someone says mean fuck you.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_00
Do you if you have you ever loved you ever looked?
3
SPEAKER_00
at a timeline of the universe.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then, and then looked at the teeny tiny little bit of time on that timeline that human beings existed.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then you microscope in, you just microscope, microscope, microscope, microscope, microscope in to the time period where cell phones and the internet were invented.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like the time, literally,
3
SPEAKER_00
teensy bit of time on the Relative to the amount of time that human beings have existed, okay?
3
SPEAKER_00
We are used to communicating in person with tribes of I m Joe Rogan talking out of my whatever here, but we re used to communicating
4
SPEAKER_06
with like little small groups of people and now we re expected to be available to and communicate with every single human being that we ve ever come into contact with in our entire lives it s unsustainable it is unrealistic it is okay if you do not text back everyone all the time like what the fuck is this like thing where we have to be in constant communication with every single person ever all the time
4
SPEAKER_06
We are not biologically caught up to that point.
4
SPEAKER_06
I shouldn t be saying anything about biology.
4
SPEAKER_06
I have no idea what I m talking about.
4
SPEAKER_06
But also, I do believe everything I just said.
4
SPEAKER_01
Call from Amelia.
4
SPEAKER_06
Hi, Amelia.
4
SPEAKER_06
You have 60 seconds.
4
SPEAKER_03
Hi.
4
SPEAKER_03
Oh, my God.
4
SPEAKER_03
I cannot believe that I m on the show.
4
SPEAKER_03
I just want to say that I ve kind of been struggling with fitting in.
4
SPEAKER_03
I feel like I overextend myself and I come off annoying to the people that I want to be close with.
4
SPEAKER_06
Why do you want to be close with these people?
4
SPEAKER_03
Because I do choir, I do theater with them, I m with them for up to six hours of the day depending on the season.
4
SPEAKER_06
And why do you feel like you come off as annoying?
4
SPEAKER_03
I don t know.
4
SPEAKER_03
People never seem to approach me and I always have to approach them and the only way I m able to connect with them is through humor, but it kind of ends up backfiring because that s all people know me for.
4
SPEAKER_06
Do you feel a strong desire to be liked?
4
SPEAKER_03
Yes, incredibly.
4
SPEAKER_06
I feel, dude, there s this weird thing where, like, the stronger your desire is to be liked, like, it almost works as, you know, against you, in a way.
4
SPEAKER_06
It s almost a deterrent.
4
SPEAKER_06
It s almost a deterrent, but I feel like if you can learn to just accept- Okay, hold on, I have to hang up on you.
4
SPEAKER_06
I feel like if you can learn to just, like, not care what other people think and just truly be yourself, they will actually respect you more.
4
SPEAKER_06
Which is not the point, because paradoxically, if you don t care what other people think, then you don t even care that they respect you more.
4
SPEAKER_06
So you do it for yourself, because it feels good to not care what other people think, and then that also just ends up making people want to be with you more.
4
SPEAKER_06
Which again, shouldn t be the point, but that s the paradox.
4
SPEAKER_01
Call from... Sam.
4
SPEAKER_06
Sam, how you doing?
4
SPEAKER_04
Doing pretty good.
4
SPEAKER_04
Just wanted to just want to say one love the stream to 60 seconds that probably is going to be bit of a Scary thing at the beginning.
4
SPEAKER_04
I really got a recently got a Red adult red dragon miniature for D&D looking forward to painting that soon Anything else I Am very upset as I recently got something in the mail that was very expensive.
4
SPEAKER_04
However, it came broken and
4
SPEAKER_04
And it is an antique.
4
SPEAKER_04
It is a part of history and fuck the, uh, fuck the U S postal service for breaking it.
4
SPEAKER_06
Ooh, what was the antique?
4
SPEAKER_04
Uh, it was, um, it was an antique cane, Anglo Afghan sword cane.
4
SPEAKER_04
You can look it up.
4
SPEAKER_04
It, um, and it had a unique handle that only a couple of them actually have.
4
SPEAKER_06
Why did you buy that?
4
SPEAKER_06
Tell me real quick.
4
SPEAKER_04
I bought it cause I, I bought it cause I collect them.
4
SPEAKER_04
I ll call back in and I will tell you more about the collection later.
4
SPEAKER_06
I liked that.
4
SPEAKER_06
That actually was pretty good.
4
SPEAKER_06
I actually feel like in just- that guy, as they say, understood the assignment.
4
SPEAKER_06
Because I really do feel like I got a sense of who he was.
4
SPEAKER_06
You know what I liked about that call?
4
SPEAKER_06
I m gonna say this.
4
SPEAKER_06
I got a sense of who that man was today.
4
SPEAKER_06
He collects swords, he s angry, and he s passionate.
4
SPEAKER_06
You actually can learn a lot about somebody in a minute.
4
SPEAKER_01
Call from Richard.
4
SPEAKER_06
Hey, Richard, you have a minute.
4
SPEAKER_02
All right, man.
4
SPEAKER_02
So sometimes when I get really high and I think about what happens after death and stuff, I can feel like my consciousness slipping away and I can feel everything just kind of stop mattering for a minute.
4
SPEAKER_02
And then I come back on.
4
SPEAKER_02
I m not sure.
4
SPEAKER_02
Like, I wanna, I wanna hope that s what death feels like, but at the same time, I m not sure.
4
SPEAKER_06
Um, how do you feel about death?
4
SPEAKER_06
Are you afraid of it or do you embrace it?
4
SPEAKER_02
Oh, I m absolutely terrified, Lyle.
4
SPEAKER_06
Um, what are you terrified of about death exactly?
4
SPEAKER_02
Trying to wrap my head around the zero conscious thing, like not even thinking, not even being.
4
SPEAKER_06
But if you re zero conscious, you won t even be conscious about the fact that you re not conscious.
4
SPEAKER_06
So there s nothing to be worried about.
4
SPEAKER_06
That s a good point there.
4
SPEAKER_01
Lucas.
4
SPEAKER_06
Hey Lucas, you have a minute.
4
SPEAKER_05
Oh, uh, hey, uh, should I quit my job?
4
SPEAKER_05
What s your job?
4
SPEAKER_05
Uh, I dig graves.
4
SPEAKER_05
Do you like digging graves?
4
SPEAKER_05
Uh, I like digging graves, but the company treats me very poorly, so.
4
SPEAKER_05
Why do they treat you poorly?
4
SPEAKER_05
In what way?
4
SPEAKER_05
They don t pay me enough and they overwork me.
4
SPEAKER_06
My company treats me very poorly, so... How much do you think you should be getting paid to dig graves?
4
SPEAKER_06
At least $20 an hour.
4
SPEAKER_06
Is there a place you can find that will pay you that?
4
SPEAKER_05
Maybe... I don t know, that s a good question.
4
SPEAKER_06
How much would you pay somebody to dig your own grave if you died?
4
SPEAKER_06
$30 an hour.
4
SPEAKER_06
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_06
So you should try to find someone who will pay you $30 an hour.
4
SPEAKER_06
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_06
Yeah, for sure.
4
SPEAKER_06
Can you mute your stream?
4
SPEAKER_06
Huh?
4
SPEAKER_06
Oh, there we go.
4
SPEAKER_06
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_06
Thank you.
4
SPEAKER_01
Call from Lexi.
4
SPEAKER_06
Hey Lexi, you have a minute.
4
SPEAKER_07
Hi Dex.
4
SPEAKER_07
I absolutely hate waking up in the morning.
4
SPEAKER_06
Oh my God, me too.
4
SPEAKER_07
I get crippling anxiety for the fact that it is a new day and that I have things to do, responsibilities.
4
SPEAKER_07
I rack my brain and I get scared that I m not going to complete everything and I run in circles all the time.
4
SPEAKER_06
What are you afraid that you re not going to be able to complete?
4
SPEAKER_07
Everything.
4
SPEAKER_07
I feel like I won t do a good enough job throughout my day as a person.
4
SPEAKER_07
that I will do something wrong or let someone down.
4
SPEAKER_06
When you look at your to-do list, are there lots of items, or is there one key important item?
4
SPEAKER_07
My daughter is my all-day very important item, but just life around that, so finances, taking care of my house, animals, work, school, all that, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_06
I feel like what has worked for me in the past, I gotta hang up on you, I feel like what has worked for me in the past is to
4
SPEAKER_06
Like I said, focus on just one important thing.
4
SPEAKER_06
But also, um, as I m talking, as I m on this subject, I want everyone to know that I am so far from the last, so far away from, uh, the kind of person that should be giving advice on time management because I am not good at that.
4
SPEAKER_01
Call from.
4
SPEAKER_06
Hi, you have a minute.
4
SPEAKER_08
Oh, sweet.
4
SPEAKER_08
Great.
4
SPEAKER_08
Um, Okay.
4
SPEAKER_08
So, uh,
4
SPEAKER_08
I kind of have imposter syndrome, I think, but it s not really diagnosed because, yeah, I m able to play 3 to 4 instruments and I m still not even good at them, or I look like I m good at them, even though I ve been, like, region banned on, like, region performance and, like, I made areas, like, a month ago and I still, like, don t think I m good enough.
4
SPEAKER_06
Um, well, here s the thing.
4
SPEAKER_06
Whether, whether, uh, or not you are good.
4
SPEAKER_06
See, if you re not good, then, uh, that means that you ve tricked people into thinking that you re good, which in and of itself is a skill.
4
SPEAKER_06
It s an undeniable skill.
4
SPEAKER_06
Uh, and if you are good, then you have the skill of being good.
4
SPEAKER_06
So no matter what you undeniably have a skill.
4
SPEAKER_08
True.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_06
Oh, fuck.
4
SPEAKER_01
Call from.
4
SPEAKER_06
Ricky?
4
SPEAKER_06
Hey Ricky, you have a minute.
4
SPEAKER_00
I was wondering what face paint brand you use?
4
SPEAKER_06
It s called Marin Paradise.
4
SPEAKER_00
And how big is your stockpile of this face paint?
4
SPEAKER_06
Um, I don t have a lot on me right now, but I just bought two more, um, palettes.
4
SPEAKER_06
Interesting.
4
SPEAKER_06
That s all I wanted to ask.
4
SPEAKER_06
Thank you.
4
SPEAKER_01
Where are you all from?
4
SPEAKER_01
Jolene.
4
SPEAKER_06
Hey, you have a minute.
4
SPEAKER_08
Hey, is this Lyle?
4
SPEAKER_06
Yes, ma am.
4
SPEAKER_08
Oh my God.
4
SPEAKER_08
Hi.
4
SPEAKER_06
Hi, how are you?
4
SPEAKER_06
You have a minute.
4
SPEAKER_08
I m good.
4
SPEAKER_08
How are you?
5
SPEAKER_02
I m good.
5
SPEAKER_02
You have 40 seconds.
5
SPEAKER_04
I have 40 seconds.
5
SPEAKER_04
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_04
So what are you doing right now?
5
SPEAKER_04
I m sorry.
5
SPEAKER_02
You don t have to apologize at all.
5
SPEAKER_02
I am live streaming myself taking one minute phone calls.
5
SPEAKER_02
I m having a good time.
5
SPEAKER_02
I m learning actually a ton.
5
SPEAKER_00
You are?
5
SPEAKER_02
I m learning a ton from doing these one minute phone calls.
5
SPEAKER_02
It s so funny because people call in on the regular stream.
5
SPEAKER_02
Do you have anything else to say because I could say all this when you re off the phone.
5
SPEAKER_04
Um, I mean, I m just happy I got on because I m finally proving my boyfriend wrong.
5
SPEAKER_04
He thought I was never going to get on the show, but here I am.
5
SPEAKER_04
I m proud of myself for being persistent, so suck it, Jake.
5
SPEAKER_04
I got on the show.
5
SPEAKER_02
What s your name?
5
SPEAKER_04
My name s Olivia.
5
SPEAKER_02
Olivia, I m proud of you too.
5
SPEAKER_02
God bless you.
5
SPEAKER_01
Call from Scott.
5
SPEAKER_02
Hey, Scott.
5
SPEAKER_08
Hello.
5
SPEAKER_02
Hey, Scott, you have six seconds.
5
SPEAKER_02
How are you doing?
5
SPEAKER_08
Oh, thank you.
5
SPEAKER_08
We previously talked about potatoes.
5
SPEAKER_08
I don t want to talk about potatoes.
5
SPEAKER_08
Thank you for addressing the topic.
5
SPEAKER_02
Wait a minute.
5
SPEAKER_02
Have we talked before?
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_02
Is that against the rules?
5
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
5
SPEAKER_02
Hello?
5
SPEAKER_02
Hi, you have a minute.
5
SPEAKER_07
Hi there.
5
SPEAKER_07
I wanted to get your thoughts on success.
5
SPEAKER_07
I was talking about this with my buddy the other day.
5
SPEAKER_07
And he said success is making your dreams become a reality.
5
SPEAKER_07
And you seem to be someone that I would consider successful.
5
SPEAKER_07
And I want to get your thoughts and opinions on what you think success is and how you think you can reach it.
5
SPEAKER_02
Oh, crap.
5
SPEAKER_02
I think success is probably in order to achieve success, you have to define it first.
5
SPEAKER_02
And your definition could be elastic.
5
SPEAKER_02
So you might define success as one thing at one point in your life and then achieve that and then realize that actually you want something else and then redefine your definition and then go after that.
5
SPEAKER_02
And you can kind of keep doing that infinitely until you die.
5
SPEAKER_07
OK, yeah, I didn t think he was right with his definition either, but thank you.
5
SPEAKER_02
Thank you.
5
SPEAKER_01
Hey there, you have a minute.
5
SPEAKER_07
Hey there, you have 40 seconds.
5
SPEAKER_05
Yep.
5
SPEAKER_05
My question is, does it make you feel better
5
SPEAKER_05
to think that we could just be a little particle in an alien s pubic hair.
5
SPEAKER_05
Yes, that is it.
5
SPEAKER_02
Um, you know, sca- Here s the thing.
5
SPEAKER_02
At a relative scale to me, everything I experience is how I experience it.
5
SPEAKER_02
So, you know, uh, I mean, listen, at, at certain scales, I am that small and at certain scales, I m ginormous.
5
SPEAKER_02
So, uh, you know, things are infinitely relative, if that makes sense.
5
SPEAKER_02
So it doesn t really affect me either way.
5
SPEAKER_04
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_02
Did that make sense?
5
SPEAKER_02
I think that made sense.
5
SPEAKER_02
That made perfect sense to me.
5
SPEAKER_02
You know.
5
SPEAKER_02
Listen, on some relative scales, I am giant.
5
SPEAKER_02
On some relative scales, I m tiny.
5
SPEAKER_02
But, uh, I only experience life to my own scale.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, that made perfect sense.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I m a genius.
5
SPEAKER_02
Elijah.
5
SPEAKER_02
Hey Elijah, you have a minute.
5
SPEAKER_03
Hey, how s it going?
5
SPEAKER_03
Uh, I, uh,
5
SPEAKER_03
I ve recently started a Twitter, like one of those, like, I guess OnlyFans Twitters, and I have an OnlyFans as well.
5
SPEAKER_03
My stepmother has, like, she s like a co-signer on my bank account, and she recently saw that I got $479 in my bank account out of income, but I m unemployed other than the OnlyFans account.
5
SPEAKER_03
So I m kind of curious in how I m supposed to, like,
5
SPEAKER_03
I guess start that conversation because at this point it s just getting awkward because now I just have unexplained income and I think she might start thinking that I m, um, multiple questions.
5
SPEAKER_02
Why is your stepmother a co-signer in your bank account?
5
SPEAKER_03
So, cause I got my bank account when I was 17 and I m 18 now.
5
SPEAKER_03
So it s just like, I mean I could take her off, but it s just like, she can see my income.
5
SPEAKER_03
And sometimes she ll go in and be like, why did you, like, why did you spend that much money?
5
SPEAKER_03
And I m like, oh, so now it s just like, I m getting income for only fans.
5
SPEAKER_03
And she thinks.
5
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_02
I feel like, um, you, you gotta, okay.
5
SPEAKER_02
Now that you re 18, you gotta get your stepmother off your bank account.
5
SPEAKER_02
And also now that you re 18, uh, I mean, listen, you do you, I m not gonna tell you what to do, but I guess this whole thing is me telling people to do, I feel like, um,
5
SPEAKER_02
You know, you will probably be happier the more open and honest you are with your stepmom.
5
SPEAKER_02
You know what I m saying?
5
SPEAKER_02
So like, look, you know, you should have your own bank account and you don t really owe your stepmother any information about your finances now that you re 18.
5
SPEAKER_02
That s my take.
5
SPEAKER_01
Call from Alex.
5
SPEAKER_02
Hey Alex, how you doing?
5
SPEAKER_02
Do you have a minute?
5
SPEAKER_08
Oh my God.
5
SPEAKER_08
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_08
Um, so I have an issue with people who think that water s wet.
5
SPEAKER_08
I hear that.
5
SPEAKER_08
I hear that often.
5
SPEAKER_08
It s water s not wet.
5
SPEAKER_08
Water has to be on things to be wet.
5
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_02
This emotion that you feel towards these people that believe that water is wet.
5
SPEAKER_02
How are you going to use it to benefit yourself or other people?
5
SPEAKER_08
Uh, trying to educate people.
5
SPEAKER_08
Cause I think it s a, it s a lack of education.
5
SPEAKER_02
What are you going to do to educate people?
5
SPEAKER_08
Correct them.
5
SPEAKER_02
How do you feel as though educating people will be beneficial to them?
5
SPEAKER_08
Because it s a common misconception.
5
SPEAKER_08
Everybody says that water is wet and it s not.
5
SPEAKER_08
Water has to be like we don t define things as wet unless the water is on it or like some liquid.
5
SPEAKER_02
Do you feel as though you ve accomplished anything by sharing this with us?
5
SPEAKER_02
I do.
5
SPEAKER_02
Good.
5
SPEAKER_02
Thank you.
5
SPEAKER_02
Thank you.
5
SPEAKER_01
Call from.
5
SPEAKER_02
Hi.
5
SPEAKER_06
Yeah, hello?
5
SPEAKER_06
Hey, you have a minute.
5
SPEAKER_06
Is this the green person?
5
SPEAKER_02
Yep.
5
SPEAKER_06
So, uh, like, can I get some advice or like, what s up?
5
SPEAKER_02
Uh, what do you, what do you want to be up?
5
SPEAKER_06
So like, I m just tired of all these streamers.
5
SPEAKER_06
My heart s beating really fast.
5
SPEAKER_06
And why is that?
5
SPEAKER_06
Because you guys ban me all the time when I message.
5
SPEAKER_02
I mean, I talk shit, but not really.
5
SPEAKER_02
Well, I get banned from everyone s chat, so I can t really remember.
5
SPEAKER_06
So that s it.
5
SPEAKER_06
Yep.
5
SPEAKER_02
See, I would have gone more, I would have gone more in depth with that guy.
5
SPEAKER_02
If I, if I, I want everyone to know if I had more than a minute, I would have gone into it with that guy.
5
SPEAKER_02
I was, I was curious about him.
5
SPEAKER_02
Cause look, I don t believe the trolls just troll.
5
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_02
I really don t.
5
SPEAKER_02
All right.
5
SPEAKER_02
Listen, I don t, I don t believe in that.
5
SPEAKER_02
I fully believe there is a reason.
5
SPEAKER_02
an underlying reason.
5
SPEAKER_02
Maybe he has a desire for attention because he didn t get enough as a child, something like that.
5
SPEAKER_02
Some underlying reason that we could have explored with that young man as to why he types bad things in people s chats.
5
SPEAKER_02
And I would have been interested in exploring that reason.
5
SPEAKER_02
But we ll save that for the actual show.
5
SPEAKER_02
This is one minute phone calls, baby.
5
SPEAKER_00
Therapy Cat goes on the line, taking your phone calls every night.
5
SPEAKER_00
Therapy Cat goes doing it right, he s teaching you how to live your life, but he s not really an expert.