0
SPEAKER_00
A new season of Bridgerton is here.
0
SPEAKER_00
And with it, a new season of Bridgerton, the official podcast.
0
SPEAKER_00
I m your host, Gabby Collins.
0
SPEAKER_00
And this season, we are bringing fans even deeper into the ton.
0
SPEAKER_00
Watch season three of the Shondaland series on Netflix.
0
SPEAKER_00
Then fall in love all over again by listening to Bridgerton, the official podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
0
SPEAKER_00
Subscribe to catch a new episode every Thursday.
0
SPEAKER_05
This is the story of how a group of people brought music back to Afghanistan by creating their own version of American Idol.
0
SPEAKER_05
The joy they brought to the nation.
0
SPEAKER_00
You re free completely.
0
SPEAKER_00
No one is there to destroy you.
0
SPEAKER_05
The danger they endured.
0
SPEAKER_00
They said my head should be cut off.
0
SPEAKER_05
I m John Legend.
0
SPEAKER_05
Listen to Afghan Star on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
0
SPEAKER_02
Guess what, Will?
0
SPEAKER_02
What s up, Mango?
0
SPEAKER_02
I ve been trying to write a promo for our podcast, Part-Time Genius, but even though we ve done over 250 episodes, we don t really talk about murders or cults.
0
SPEAKER_01
I mean, we did just cover the Illuminati of cheese, so I feel like that makes us pretty edgy.
0
SPEAKER_01
We also solve mysteries like how Chinese is your Chinese food and how do dollar stores make money?
0
SPEAKER_01
And then, of course, can you game a dog show?
0
SPEAKER_01
So what you re saying is everyone should be listening.
0
SPEAKER_01
Listen to Part-Time Genius on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.
0
SPEAKER_03
There was a moment where I was feeling this pain in my chest, kind of on and off.
0
SPEAKER_03
And I was telling you about this and other people, I was like, man, I just feel like this pain and I feel like a clenching, like I can t, like, I don t know, something was holding me back.
0
SPEAKER_03
That was the fear.
0
SPEAKER_03
And I think when we can fully embrace it and say this might happen.
0
SPEAKER_03
And I may not like it, but by stepping into the fear, I literally felt the ball of pain in my chest unlock and like disintegrate throughout my whole body.
0
SPEAKER_04
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world.
0
SPEAKER_04
Thanks to each and every one of you that come back every week to become happier, healthier and more healed.
0
SPEAKER_04
And I m so excited to be talking to you today.
0
SPEAKER_04
I can t believe it.
0
SPEAKER_04
My new book, Eight Rules of Love, is out, and I cannot wait to share it with you.
0
SPEAKER_04
I am so, so excited for you to read this book, for you to listen to this book.
0
SPEAKER_04
I read the audiobook.
0
SPEAKER_04
If you haven t got it already, make sure you go to eightrulesoflove.com.
0
SPEAKER_04
It s dedicated to anyone who s trying to find, keep, or let go of love.
0
SPEAKER_04
So if you ve got friends that are dating, broken up, or struggling with love, make sure you grab this book.
0
SPEAKER_04
And I d love to invite you to come and see me for my global tour, Love Rules.
0
SPEAKER_04
Go to jscheddytour.com to learn more information about tickets, VIP experiences, and more.
0
SPEAKER_04
I can t wait to see you this year.
0
SPEAKER_04
Now, today s guest is a dear, dear friend of mine.
0
SPEAKER_04
And what I love about having him on the show is you love it.
0
SPEAKER_04
Whenever we do something together, we get incredible feedback.
0
SPEAKER_04
I get the most texts ever.
0
SPEAKER_04
I get so many DMs from all of you because you love seeing us connect.
0
SPEAKER_04
Because he s someone who s happy to be vulnerable about his own challenges and journey.
0
SPEAKER_04
He s done that plenty of times on this show.
0
SPEAKER_04
But today, he s here to talk about something that he s been really thinking about and working on for the next five years.
0
SPEAKER_04
So I want all of you to show your support for this incredible human, but also this amazing book that he s written.
0
SPEAKER_04
I want everyone to go and order it right now.
0
SPEAKER_04
The link is in the notes and the captions.
0
SPEAKER_04
I m talking about my dear friend, Lewis Howes, who s a New York Times best-selling author, keynote speaker, and industry-leading show host of the School of Greatness podcast, which is one of the top podcasts in the world with over 500 million downloads.
0
SPEAKER_04
Lewis was recognized by the White House and President Obama as one of the top 100 entrepreneurs in the country under 30.
0
SPEAKER_04
And his new book is right here.
0
SPEAKER_04
It s called The Greatness Mindset.
0
SPEAKER_04
Unlock the power of your mind and live your best life today.
0
SPEAKER_04
This is the book that I want you to go and grab.
0
SPEAKER_04
Please welcome to the show, my dear friend and brother, Lewis Howes.
0
SPEAKER_04
Lewis, good to see you, brother.
0
SPEAKER_04
Good to see you, brother.
0
SPEAKER_04
This is exciting, man.
0
SPEAKER_04
You know, this is five years in the making, like for you to, you ve had a podcast now for nearly 10 years.
0
SPEAKER_04
I saw that announcement.
0
SPEAKER_03
In two weeks, it ll be my 10 year anniversary.
0
SPEAKER_04
That s insane.
0
SPEAKER_04
Congratulations.
0
SPEAKER_03
Thank you.
0
SPEAKER_03
What a history and legacy of service.
0
SPEAKER_04
And like, how many interviews now is that?
0
SPEAKER_03
Over almost 1,400 episodes.
0
SPEAKER_04
That s insane, right?
0
SPEAKER_04
1,400 episodes over 10 years, an unbelievable legacy.
0
SPEAKER_04
You wrote your first book, The School of Greatness.
0
SPEAKER_04
Your second book, Mask of Masculinity.
0
SPEAKER_04
On the release of that book was when we became friends.
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, the day it came out, I went on your show at Nasdaq.
0
SPEAKER_03
At Nasdaq, yeah.
0
SPEAKER_03
I just started hearing about you maybe a few months before and then you d reached out and I saw a couple of your videos and I was like, I really like your style.
0
SPEAKER_03
And when we met, I was like, let s just hang out all day.
0
SPEAKER_04
I know, it was amazing.
0
SPEAKER_04
I didn t expect that because for anyone who doesn t know I used to have a show on Nasdaq Reads which was called Follow the Reader and I would try and sit down with authors and talk to them and I was thankful enough that s where I met Ryan Holiday and it s where I met a couple of other people in the space and I d reached out to you because I d always loved your work
0
SPEAKER_04
And usually an author would come in, you d do the interview, you d promote the book and then they d leave.
0
SPEAKER_04
And this was the day your book came out and you were like, well, why don t we just spend the whole day together?
0
SPEAKER_04
So we re in a coffee shop together, we re in a Barnes and Noble together.
0
SPEAKER_04
So fun.
0
SPEAKER_04
And that was the beginning of our friendship.
0
SPEAKER_04
It was amazing, man.
0
SPEAKER_04
And now we re here on another book launch day.
0
SPEAKER_04
And five years to write a book, like five years to be thinking about a book, five years to not, it s so easy to just put for you, like with an amazing audience, amazing community, you could just put out a book whenever you wanted to.
0
SPEAKER_04
What were you working on?
0
SPEAKER_04
What were you thinking about for five years?
0
SPEAKER_03
I wanted to do this after The Mask of Masculinity.
0
SPEAKER_03
And this was the thing that I was like, this is the thing that I wish I would have had when I was, you know, 15, 21, 35, the book and the content that I wish I could have had to understand the pain that I was going through.
0
SPEAKER_03
And now having been through a lot of different healing journeys and healing a lot of different wounds that I had from my past,
0
SPEAKER_03
I finally felt like I was at a place of peace where I could create abundantly as opposed to forcing something.
0
SPEAKER_03
And when I wanted to start this five years ago, which I ve been kind of researching and taking notes and having documents for a long time in my interviews about this, I had the content but I didn t feel like I was
0
SPEAKER_03
at a place where I felt like it was a good coach to myself.
0
SPEAKER_03
I felt like I was still critical of a lot of things and still beating myself up emotionally and mentally.
0
SPEAKER_03
And I didn t feel like I would be authentic in putting the content out until I was healing at a level of authenticity internally.
0
SPEAKER_04
Wow.
0
SPEAKER_03
So after two years ago, I felt like I finally kind of had a tipping point for a portion of my life that I was struggling with my entire life.
0
SPEAKER_03
10 years ago, I started opening up about healing sexual abuse and that type of trauma.
0
SPEAKER_03
And that set me on a journey of healing for the next five years.
0
SPEAKER_03
Many different things from my childhood, from parent stuff, things like that.
0
SPEAKER_03
And it allowed me to evolve as a human, be more courageous, have more authenticity, all that stuff.
0
SPEAKER_03
be less triggered, less reactional, all that stuff.
0
SPEAKER_03
But I still kept repeating certain patterns in relationships.
0
SPEAKER_03
And you ve seen me in three different relationships now since I ve met you.
0
SPEAKER_03
And you probably were able to witness a pattern from the previous two.
0
SPEAKER_03
It s so hard to see the things.
0
SPEAKER_03
until it gets really, really bad sometimes.
0
SPEAKER_03
When things are good and when things are not so good, it s hard to see it.
0
SPEAKER_03
It s not until things get really challenging or some big breakdown when we start to wake up.
0
SPEAKER_03
And it was the last relationship where I was like, man, I keep repeating the patterns of something based on a wound.
0
SPEAKER_03
I keep choosing, I keep staying, I keep putting myself in these
0
SPEAKER_03
challenging situations that I don t feel like I need to, but I hadn t yet unlocked what that was.
0
SPEAKER_03
Whether I was afraid to face it or just not aware of it yet, I hadn t fully embraced that healing journey.
0
SPEAKER_03
And so I started down a very intensive, you know, coaching therapy experience.
0
SPEAKER_03
where I was doing five, six, seven-hour days on weekends every week, working with a coach to figure out, what is holding me back?
0
SPEAKER_03
Why do I have this pain in my heart?
0
SPEAKER_03
Why do I feel like there s something like choking me on a consistent basis?
0
SPEAKER_03
Why do I feel like I can t catch my breath sometimes?
0
SPEAKER_03
When on the outside, I ve got things going well for me.
0
SPEAKER_03
You know, it s like I m able to accomplish things.
0
SPEAKER_03
I can create my goals and make them happen.
0
SPEAKER_03
I m building a business, you know, all these things.
0
SPEAKER_03
I m functional in a high level, but internally I didn t have harmony.
0
SPEAKER_04
Wow.
0
SPEAKER_03
I was kind of at the stage and we would talk about it all the time.
0
SPEAKER_03
I was like, dude, why am I struggling with this so much?
0
SPEAKER_03
Why am I going through this?
0
SPEAKER_03
And I was kind of at a stage where I was just like, I ve got to figure out this part of my life in intimate relationships because energetically it s holding me back from friendships, family, creating my work, my mission, my
1
SPEAKER_01
it s draining, it s pulling from me.
1
SPEAKER_01
And that s why I always loved being single, because when I was single, I felt free.
1
SPEAKER_01
But when I was in intimacy, I felt like I was trapped.
1
SPEAKER_01
So I had to go down the journey of really healing a lot of different emotional wounds from childhood that put me in the programming of feeling trapped and feeling really like I had to abandon myself for someone to love me.
1
SPEAKER_01
And so I never truly loved my authentic self
1
SPEAKER_01
because I never felt like someone else would love me for who I truly was and truly accepted who I was.
1
SPEAKER_01
So that was just my personal journey where other people might struggle in trying to figure out how to get clear on their purpose or their mission or how to make money or how to get in shape.
1
SPEAKER_01
That wasn t my problem.
1
SPEAKER_01
My challenge was intimacy, trusting myself and being 100% authentic and courageous in intimacy
1
SPEAKER_01
and not changing who I was to please someone else.
1
SPEAKER_01
But the need to please others who I loved and who loved me was a big wound and it caused a lot of pain.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s, I mean, it s so powerful.
1
SPEAKER_00
You re hearing you say that because I feel like it s not worth becoming someone you don t know to please someone you think you love.
1
SPEAKER_00
One person.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
You just become someone you don t recognize.
1
SPEAKER_00
You become someone who you don t know.
1
SPEAKER_00
You don t understand just to hope that that person will see that person.
1
SPEAKER_00
And accept you.
1
SPEAKER_00
And accept you.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
And it s exhausting.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s exhausting.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
You re always performing.
1
SPEAKER_00
You re playing a role.
1
SPEAKER_01
You re giving in, you re abandoning yourself.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s mentally, emotionally, physically draining.
1
SPEAKER_00
But what I love about all of that results in you being able to be creative, like you start removing all those blocks internally.
1
SPEAKER_00
It results in a book.
1
SPEAKER_00
And a book, as we know, is like a lifetime s worth of work put into pages to help people find their greatness in their own lives.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I wanted to start with, I definitely want to dive into certain elements of the book because I think what you do in this book so well is you remove blocks for people.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like I think the way you were just describing you having blocks in intimacy and relationships, I think we know this and my community feels this and I felt this in my life.
1
SPEAKER_00
There were blocks in what I believed was true of my potential or blocks that I thought were true of what I could achieve within success or blocks around how I felt about judgment and failure.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so I want to dive into all of that.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
I remember the first year meeting you, you were like, I don t think I can make, you know, six figures a year.
1
SPEAKER_01
You know, you re kind of like, uh, I don t even know if that s possible or if I m worthy of that or deserving of it or if the work I m doing, I m supposed to be making that, you know, that much money.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
And that was kind of a block of yours for, I don t know, well, probably a long time before then, but for a couple of years until you really were able to work your way through that.
1
SPEAKER_01
What was the thing inside of you that allowed you to unblock the financial fear that you had?
1
SPEAKER_00
It s exactly that, right?
1
SPEAKER_00
Like I had grown up in a family where the language around money and the psychology around money was, we have just enough.
1
SPEAKER_00
And generally people who have money have done something bad to get money.
1
SPEAKER_00
So it s been like negative ways or like manipulative ways or they must have done something shady in order to have wealth.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so people who are good don t have access to that kind of wealth because they re not shady people.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so I think when I grew up with that, I remember many days having zero in my bank account, you know, just living off of the last amount of money I had to pay off a bill or whatever it may have been.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I think what it really hit me as time went on was I was having all this impact.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like at one point, I still remember this, I had 150 million views and I was four months away from being broke.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s crazy, man.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I was just like, I can t make the stuff I care about anymore.
1
SPEAKER_00
because I don t have money.
1
SPEAKER_00
Videos cost money to make.
1
SPEAKER_00
I always say to people, this podcast, this studio costs money to have.
1
SPEAKER_00
It costs money to have teams and right now we have producers behind the scenes and editors and podcast leads and there s a whole team of people that make things possible.
1
SPEAKER_00
And when you re financially scarce, and I don t mean that in terms of how much money you have, but in your mind, when there s a scarcity around money or anything, scarcity around love or scarcity around energy or scarcity around health.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_00
It just limits you.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so for me, what you just went through, I had to rewire my relationship with money.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_00
And we have a relationship with people.
1
SPEAKER_00
We have a relationship with money.
1
SPEAKER_00
We have a relation with our body.
1
SPEAKER_00
We have a relation with our mind.
1
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so to me, it was that.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m curious then, what was the, I want to tell the story.
1
SPEAKER_00
Dude, this is not your interview, Lewis.
1
SPEAKER_00
This is what you always do.
1
SPEAKER_01
I know you re an interviewer, but... I want to tie it into bringing it back to me, I get it.
1
SPEAKER_01
But I want to tell the story of the exact moment when the block went away from me from having fear around being trapped in intimacy after a five-month journey of intensive therapy and what it did for me.
1
SPEAKER_01
I want to share that story in a moment, but I m curious, what was the moment?
1
SPEAKER_01
Was there a moment
1
SPEAKER_01
Where something like you re unlocked in your heart, your body, your mind, your spirit, where you re like, oh, I m deserving of money.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m deserving of making more or having abundance or whatever it might have been and being free of that feeling.
1
SPEAKER_01
Was there a moment for you?
1
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I think I m still getting there as well.
1
SPEAKER_00
There s a part of it where you re always still rewiring because when something s so deep rooted, it kind of like never like just leaves.
1
SPEAKER_00
But I d say that I got more comfortable with it.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s a great question.
1
SPEAKER_00
When was that moment?
1
SPEAKER_00
Like was there a breakthrough?
1
SPEAKER_01
Was it in a negotiation for a speaking gig where you re like, oh, I m used to only making this much, but let me ask for more or something kind of unlocking inside of you?
1
SPEAKER_00
I actually think it was, and this, I haven t talked about this before, but I think it s, you know, and I m sharing it because I m with you and it is the answer to your question.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think it was the first year that I could give over six figures to a charity that I loved.
1
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
1
SPEAKER_00
And that s what it was.
1
SPEAKER_00
It was that feeling of, and I knew that that charity would have died if it didn t have that much money.
1
SPEAKER_00
Interesting.
1
SPEAKER_00
And they were doing really meaningful work that I cared about.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I realized that, I was like, oh, wait a minute.
1
SPEAKER_00
And that s not like, oh, look how great I am, I saved the, that s not the point.
1
SPEAKER_00
The point was, I could only do that and I could only be a part of that because I d rewired my mindset.
1
SPEAKER_00
So if I wanted to create meaning and impact in the work, and this is one way, there are plenty of other ways to give back through time and energy.
1
SPEAKER_00
But to me, I was like, oh, like, I can trust myself
1
SPEAKER_00
that if I have more, I will give more.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I want to trust myself that, you know, we always hear that quote, I don t know whether it s from Grant or from Jordan Belfort, but the idea of like money only makes you more of who you are.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yes, it exposes who you are.
1
SPEAKER_00
It exposes more of who you are.
1
SPEAKER_00
And that idea that you re only going to become more, it s going to put a spotlight, we were just talking about that yesterday, like the idea that you don t change.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I felt, for me, that was me trusting myself.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I think when you rewire it, you trust yourself.
1
SPEAKER_00
What you were saying earlier, you get a trust of like, oh yeah, I will do good with this.
1
SPEAKER_00
Because that s who I am at the core.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s powerful.
1
SPEAKER_01
But it sounds like it was a reflection process.
1
SPEAKER_01
It was you trying stuff.
1
SPEAKER_01
It was you being consistent and practicing.
1
SPEAKER_00
And still today.
1
SPEAKER_01
It never goes away.
1
SPEAKER_01
So what had happened for me, I was kind of just like, I m sick of feeling this pain, this stuckness, this breakdown pattern that I d continue to repeat and that I was fully responsible for in choosing certain relationships out of integrity and out of alignment of values and all these different things and then staying.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I was finally like, okay, I need to find a solution to this pain.
1
SPEAKER_01
And so I found a coach that does a lot of therapy and healing work.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I just said, I m going to invest in six months.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m going to pay in advance and I m going to commit to my intention of finding the solution.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m going to do the work.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I think that s step one is being like clear of your intention that you want to find a solution to whatever s causing you any type of pain or stuckness in any area of your life.
1
SPEAKER_01
Then I went all in on just being as real and authentic and vulnerable as possible.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I remember there was a weekend after about three and a half, maybe four months where I went away and I was not with my partner at the time, but I was with a different group of friends and I felt free in this weekend and I felt seen and accepted for who I was.
1
SPEAKER_01
I felt celebrated.
1
SPEAKER_01
for who I was.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I wasn t really feeling that in the relationship.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I remember being like, man, this is the type of life I want to experience consistently, where I can be myself authentically, around the people I care about, and I m accepted.
1
SPEAKER_01
But I wasn t feeling accepted in this relationship.
1
SPEAKER_01
And it s because I was willing to abandon myself over and over to try to create peace.
1
SPEAKER_01
I was trying to buy peace.
1
SPEAKER_01
You can t buy peace.
1
SPEAKER_01
You ve got to own it.
1
SPEAKER_01
You ve got to become it.
1
SPEAKER_01
And my coach, after many, many months of this, in kind of unpacking a lot of different things and doing exercises with her and reflection and all these different things, there was a moment where I was feeling this
2
SPEAKER_00
Pain in my chest kind of on and off and I was telling you about this and other people s like man I just feel like this pain and like a clenching like I can t like I don t know something was holding me back and She d said something That finally clicked.
2
SPEAKER_00
She was like Lewis.
2
SPEAKER_00
You re not trapped.
2
SPEAKER_00
You re free.
2
SPEAKER_00
You can walk away at any time You re not stuck in this relationship Specifically now you re not engaged.
2
SPEAKER_00
You re not married.
2
SPEAKER_00
You got no kids, but you are free and
2
SPEAKER_00
you can choose to walk away at any time.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I always was afraid of walking away because I didn t want to hurt one person.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I didn t want that one person that I cared about to not love me, to not like me, to hate me, to whatever.
2
SPEAKER_00
That was the fear.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I think when we can fully embrace it and say, this might happen and I may not like it, but if that s the price I need to pay to create peace in my life by stepping into the fear, by owning the fear, by accepting that it will happen potentially,
2
SPEAKER_00
something happened in that moment.
2
SPEAKER_00
I can t remember if I told you the story, but it was like, I literally felt the ball of pain in my chest kind of unlock and like disintegrate throughout my whole body.
2
SPEAKER_00
I ve never felt this sensation before.
2
SPEAKER_00
And from that moment on, I was really kind of like weirded out when I was talking to the therapist.
2
SPEAKER_00
I was like,
2
SPEAKER_00
Something just happened.
2
SPEAKER_00
I was like, something just happened.
2
SPEAKER_00
It was kind of like months of practice, months of reflection, months of these exercises and working with this coaching, taking action and trying to integrate the lessons.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then finally, like unlocked in a moment.
2
SPEAKER_00
It was a lifetime of practice, but a moment that unlocked.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I haven t felt that pain or fear of being trapped or being stuck or being not enough or needing to abandon myself to please anyone else since then.
2
SPEAKER_00
It doesn t mean I haven t had some like, you know, challenges or stressful moments, but I haven t had that.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I m so aware of it because I keep practicing and integrating the healing journey.
2
SPEAKER_00
I think that s been the key for me is the ongoing integration of healing so that I can keep expanding, feeling happier, healthier, and healed like you talk about for this show.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I think that s what everyone wants, to feel happier, to feel healthier, and feel like they re on the healing journey.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I mean, hearing you say that, you know, as your friend, I know how much time and energy you put into working on yourself.
2
SPEAKER_01
I know that any conversation we have turns into a Q&A with the both of us going back and forth.
2
SPEAKER_01
I know any conversation we have, you ll be talking about what work you re doing and who you re working with and who s in our teams to help us do that work.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m talking about personal life.
2
SPEAKER_01
What is the difference then, because I want to get into the greatness mindset, because you are teaching people how to unlock the power of their mind and live their best life today, which is what you ve been doing professionally and now personally over the last few years.
2
SPEAKER_01
What is the difference between motivation and discipline?
2
SPEAKER_01
Because I find that a lot of the time people think like, oh, I m so motivated by that.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m so inspired by that.
2
SPEAKER_01
But what you just explained is far more of a dedicated discipline to the self-work, the inner work.
2
SPEAKER_01
Talk to me about the difference between those two and where do we find them?
2
SPEAKER_00
I think motivation is for people that don t have a meaningful mission.
2
SPEAKER_00
Discipline is for people that are clear on their identity of who they want to become and the mission that they have that is meaningful for them, not only for them, but for those around them.
2
SPEAKER_00
And you know, when I was growing up, when I was growing up, I wanted to be successful.
2
SPEAKER_00
That was kind of the goal and the mindset is how can I become successful?
2
SPEAKER_00
How can I accomplish my goals as an athlete?
2
SPEAKER_00
How can I be a pro athlete?
2
SPEAKER_00
How can I make money?
2
SPEAKER_00
How can I get, you know, awards and all these different things for whatever reason, that s what I thought of is I wanted to be successful.
2
SPEAKER_00
when I turned 30 and started realizing how big of an ego I actually had and how selfish I actually was in life.
2
SPEAKER_00
I was a fun-loving guy, but my intentions were more for me to look good, for me to win, for me to be successful, for me, me, me.
2
SPEAKER_00
And this is one of the reasons I love you so much, because your mission is about service.
2
SPEAKER_00
I started to realize at 30 that success was selfish and greatness was really about service, right?
2
SPEAKER_00
Greatness was not about just me.
2
SPEAKER_00
It was about having an intention of a dream that I might have, but including others in the dream, where success is more about accomplishing goals and dreams for just you and not as much thinking about others.
2
SPEAKER_00
Maybe others are included, but the intention is really like, how do I look good?
2
SPEAKER_00
How do I get this award and make this money and get this credibility?
2
SPEAKER_00
And that s why 10 years ago, I said, I have to completely shift my identity.
2
SPEAKER_00
And it was an unwinding of like 30 years of programming.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I had to shift the identity from, okay, and I love that you always talk about collaboration over competition.
2
SPEAKER_00
I was all competition, right?
2
SPEAKER_00
And there s fun, there s healthy competition and like sports and things like that.
2
SPEAKER_00
But
2
SPEAKER_00
In the game of life, we ve got to be collaborators.
2
SPEAKER_00
We ve got to be thinking about we instead of me if we want to go far.
2
SPEAKER_00
If we want to go fast, that quote, you can... What is the quote?
2
SPEAKER_00
If you want to go fast, go alone.
2
SPEAKER_00
If you want to go far, go together.
2
SPEAKER_01
Something like that.
2
SPEAKER_00
And if you want to go fast, you can do it on your own quickly, but it won t take you far and you typically burn out.
2
SPEAKER_00
Motivation, I believe, is for people that want only success.
2
SPEAKER_00
But discipline is when you shift your identity based on a meaningful mission.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s why I start the book with meaningful mission, because all the great people that we ve interviewed who have health, happiness, and are healed, I think that s greatness.
2
SPEAKER_00
They have a meaningful mission that s beyond them.
2
SPEAKER_00
They have something more, and that is an identity that has non-negotiables, where they re able to be disciplined because it s something bigger than them.
2
SPEAKER_00
Whereas success by itself needs constant motivation, right?
2
SPEAKER_01
I love that you just shifted that desire of like selfish goals or like self-based goals to service because that for me was the thing that switched when I met the monk, right?
2
SPEAKER_01
So I heard that at 18 and that was just
2
SPEAKER_01
to my 18-year-old mind, I was like, what?
2
SPEAKER_01
Like, wow, like no one s ever said that to me before and I would never have learned it if it wasn t for meeting the monk.
2
SPEAKER_01
And you re saying you learned it at 30 or that s when you realized that after being successful to some degree that you d achieved then.
2
SPEAKER_00
Externally successful, internally suffering.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, wow.
2
SPEAKER_00
And no one wants to suffer, no one.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s interesting, I was just interviewing a guy before this today and I said on a scale of 1 to 10,
2
SPEAKER_00
of your inner peace and self love scale.
2
SPEAKER_00
10 being you love yourself.
2
SPEAKER_00
You have a lot of inner peace.
2
SPEAKER_00
One being you hate yourself.
2
SPEAKER_00
No love.
2
SPEAKER_00
Where are you?
2
SPEAKER_00
He said, I m a five.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I said, and this is a guy with a massive company, extremely fit, shredded, like people around him, but internally a five.
2
SPEAKER_00
And it goes back to what you talked about.
2
SPEAKER_00
I love the intro, which is happy, healthy and healed healing, which is, I said, why do you think you re a five?
2
SPEAKER_00
And he said, I haven t dealt with the inner stuff.
2
SPEAKER_00
I ve dealt with the mental side of discipline and structure and organization and working hard and grinding.
2
SPEAKER_00
But the emotional side of healing your heart, I believe is the game.
2
SPEAKER_00
It doesn t matter how shredded you are, how wealthy you are, how successful you are, how many cars you have.
2
SPEAKER_00
If your inner emotional state is suffering, you are losing.
2
SPEAKER_00
And when your inner emotional state is at peace and focused on service, it doesn t have to be changing the world, but service to the people in your life, that s when you are successful.
2
SPEAKER_01
A lot of people that will say, well, Lewis, I don t have anything to serve with.
2
SPEAKER_01
So shouldn t I want success first and then I ll find service because I don t have my meaningful mission.
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t have any money.
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t have access.
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t have a platform.
2
SPEAKER_01
Shouldn t I aim to get a platform first and then serve through it?
2
SPEAKER_01
How do you think about that?
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, you served for many years before you got your platform, you know, and then you built your platform after really kind of figuring out who you were, your identity after leaving the monkhood, right?
2
SPEAKER_00
You started to figure out what did you want?
2
SPEAKER_00
And I think there s a period of time, a season of life where we have to try a lot of different things and figure out what do we really love?
2
SPEAKER_00
What are our passions?
2
SPEAKER_00
Where our talents lie in with our power?
2
SPEAKER_00
And then what is the problem we re looking to solve?
2
SPEAKER_00
So it s the three P s.
2
SPEAKER_00
And you can ask yourself- So the three P s are passion.
2
SPEAKER_00
The passion, the power that you have.
2
SPEAKER_00
Right.
2
SPEAKER_00
And the problem you re looking to solve.
2
SPEAKER_00
Love that.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I give a lot of prompts and questions in the book around the three P s where you kind of figure out your sweet spot of what could I be doing?
2
SPEAKER_00
So the passions are, and a lot of people say, I ve heard a lot of people say, don t follow your passion.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t agree with that.
2
SPEAKER_00
I think you should be
2
SPEAKER_00
Thinking about what are you most curious about?
2
SPEAKER_00
What excites you?
2
SPEAKER_00
Whenever I ask people, what are you most excited about in your life right now?
2
SPEAKER_00
You mostly see people like look up in the sky and they re like, they take a deep
3
SPEAKER_01
breath and they get really excited and they re emotional about it.
3
SPEAKER_01
They re like joyful about it.
3
SPEAKER_01
You want to lean into that feeling and do those things and be in that playground of experiences.
3
SPEAKER_01
So I think you really want to be thinking about what is the things that I am most passionate about.
3
SPEAKER_01
And maybe it doesn t mean for a two to four year window of life you re going to be able to work on it, but you can still be working towards it.
3
SPEAKER_01
So figuring out what interests you, what would you do if money was no object?
3
SPEAKER_01
What would you just love to wake up and do in general and what excites you?
3
SPEAKER_01
Think about that.
3
SPEAKER_01
The second thing is, you know, when I was starting out, I didn t feel like I had any talents.
3
SPEAKER_01
So I can relate to a lot of people.
3
SPEAKER_01
When you left the monkhood, you were like,
3
SPEAKER_01
well, what is this transferable skill in the workforce?
3
SPEAKER_01
And you said you got rejected by like 100 companies or something.
3
SPEAKER_01
40 companies.
3
SPEAKER_01
And it s like, I didn t think I had transferable skills.
3
SPEAKER_01
You didn t think you had.
3
SPEAKER_01
A lot of people probably don t think that way.
3
SPEAKER_01
And most people, when they finish university or college, they don t use that degree five to 10 years later.
3
SPEAKER_01
They re moving on to different things eventually, right?
3
SPEAKER_01
So even if you got a degree in something, you probably won t use it in five to 10 years fully in that area.
3
SPEAKER_00
Hey everyone, this is Molly and Matt and we re the hosts of Grownup Stuff How to Adult, a podcast from Ruby Studio and iHeart Podcasts.
3
SPEAKER_03
It s a show dedicated to helping you figure out the trickiest parts of adulting.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like how to start planning for retirement, creating a healthy skincare routine, understanding when and how much to tip someone and so much more.
3
SPEAKER_03
We re back with season two of the podcast, which means more opportunities to glow up and become a more responsible and better adult, one life lesson at a time.
3
SPEAKER_00
And let me just tell you, this show is just as much for us as it is for you.
3
SPEAKER_00
So let s figure this stuff out together.
3
SPEAKER_00
This season, we re going to talk about whether or not we re financially and emotionally ready for dog ownership.
3
SPEAKER_03
We re going to figure out the benefits of a high yield savings account.
3
SPEAKER_00
And what exactly are the duties of being a member of the wedding party?
3
SPEAKER_03
All that plus so much more.
3
SPEAKER_00
Let s learn about all of it and then some.
3
SPEAKER_00
Listen to Grown Up Stuff How to Adult on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
3
SPEAKER_02
When the Taliban banned music in Afghanistan, millions were plunged into silence.
3
SPEAKER_02
Radios were smashed.
3
SPEAKER_02
Cassettes burned.
3
SPEAKER_02
You could be beaten or jailed or killed for breaking the rules.
3
SPEAKER_02
And yet, Afghans did it anyway.
3
SPEAKER_02
This is the story of how a group of people brought music back to Afghanistan by creating their own version of American Idol.
3
SPEAKER_02
The danger they endured.
3
SPEAKER_04
They said my head should be cut off.
3
SPEAKER_02
The joy they brought to the nation.
3
SPEAKER_01
You re free completely.
3
SPEAKER_01
No one is there to destroy you.
3
SPEAKER_02
I m John Legend.
3
SPEAKER_02
Listen to Afghan Star on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
3
SPEAKER_05
Guess what, Bango?
3
SPEAKER_05
What s up, Will?
3
SPEAKER_05
So iHeart is giving us a whole minute to promote our podcast, Part-Time Genius.
3
SPEAKER_04
I know, that s why I spent my whole week composing a haiku for the occasion.
3
SPEAKER_04
It s about my emotional journey in podcasting over the last seven years, and it s called Earthquake House.
3
SPEAKER_05
Mango, I m going to cut you off right there.
3
SPEAKER_05
Why don t we just tell people about our show instead?
3
SPEAKER_04
Yeah, that s a better idea.
3
SPEAKER_04
So every week on Part-Time Genius, we feed our curiosity by answering the world s most important questions.
3
SPEAKER_04
Things like, when did America start dialing 911?
3
SPEAKER_04
Is William Shatner s best acting work in Esperanto?
3
SPEAKER_04
Also, what happened to Esperanto?
3
SPEAKER_05
Plus, we cover questions like how Chinese is your Chinese food?
3
SPEAKER_05
How do dollar stores stay in business?
3
SPEAKER_05
And of course, is there an Illuminati of cheese?
3
SPEAKER_05
There absolutely is.
3
SPEAKER_04
And we are risking our lives by talking about it.
3
SPEAKER_04
But if you love mind-blowing facts, incredible history and really bad jokes, make your brains happy and tune in to Part-Time Genius.
3
SPEAKER_05
Listen to Part-Time Genius on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.
3
SPEAKER_01
And so I think you got to figure out what are the, how do I describe it?
3
SPEAKER_01
Kind of like invisible assets, right?
3
SPEAKER_01
The invisible assets that you have acquired throughout your entire life that maybe you re not even aware of.
3
SPEAKER_01
For me, an invisible asset was curiosity.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s not like I have this tangible currency that I can like use.
3
SPEAKER_01
To build an opportunity in my life, but it was an invisible currency an invisible asset I was so curious about other people another invisible asset I was a pretty joyful human being and Anytime I entered a room and everyone was always older than me and more talented and more successful I just said I m going to bring so much joy and curiosity
3
SPEAKER_01
that doesn t seem like a transferable skill.
3
SPEAKER_01
People would be like, they just wanted to help me.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I was this 24 year old punk that was just like entering these networking events and these social media conferences and these rooms around all these kind of thought leaders.
3
SPEAKER_01
And really people that I was like, wow, they re like successful mentors of mine.
3
SPEAKER_01
And they re always like, hey, Lewis, why don t you come join us for dinner?
3
SPEAKER_01
Hey, that s pretty cool you re doing this.
3
SPEAKER_01
Let me help you here.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I brought curiosity and joy.
3
SPEAKER_01
I never talked about myself.
3
SPEAKER_01
I would just ask questions.
3
SPEAKER_01
that I was fascinated by and people loved to share these stories about themselves.
3
SPEAKER_01
That was a currency, that was an invisible asset that I brought to the table.
3
SPEAKER_01
So you got to think about what are the powers that you have that maybe you don t think you have.
3
SPEAKER_01
And also, I m a big fan of figuring out where you are most powerless and creating a list of all your fears.
3
SPEAKER_01
I call it the fear list.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I wanna get into that.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yes, this is the place where you feel the most powerless.
3
SPEAKER_01
So for me at the time, I felt like my biggest fears and where I felt most powerless was standing in front of a room of peers.
3
SPEAKER_01
I could not stand up and speak in front of five people without stuttering, stumbling, sweating, and just forgetting everything that I wanted to say.
3
SPEAKER_01
So, I always felt insecure when I had to stand up and present in front of people.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I always felt like, man, I m just messing up and people are laughing at me and I m not as smart as everyone else.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m not as good as presenter as everyone else.
3
SPEAKER_01
So, I had this incredible crippling fear.
3
SPEAKER_01
And yet I knew one day I wanted to be able to impact people in some way, whether it was a career or something else.
3
SPEAKER_01
And so I found a mentor who was a professional speaker.
3
SPEAKER_01
I found a mentor with a model that I wanted to mimic.
3
SPEAKER_01
He was a professional speaker and he said, you gotta overcome this fear.
3
SPEAKER_01
A way to do that is go to Toastmasters, a professional speaking class that you can go to.
3
SPEAKER_01
And he told me exactly what to do.
3
SPEAKER_01
I want you to go every week for a whole year.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s gonna suck the first few months.
3
SPEAKER_01
You re not gonna feel good.
3
SPEAKER_01
You re not gonna like it.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s gonna be embarrassing and you re not gonna feel good about yourself.
3
SPEAKER_01
But I m telling you, if you do this every week for a year,
3
SPEAKER_01
You will create unbelievable things in your life.
3
SPEAKER_01
And it was true.
3
SPEAKER_01
Never in my wildest dreams would I think I d get paid, would I get paid to speak publicly now.
3
SPEAKER_01
So what was once something that made me feel so powerless?
3
SPEAKER_01
I made it a superpower, but the only way I could do that was finding someone or some model or mentor to give me some guidance or that I could mimic and then taking action on the fear over and over again until I embraced it and became the Batman of public speaking.
3
SPEAKER_01
You know what I mean?
3
SPEAKER_01
It s like, whatever the fear is for you, you ve got to become Batman in that experience.
3
SPEAKER_01
You ve got to live in the dark.
3
SPEAKER_01
You ve got to wear a bat suit and embrace that fear 100% until you can sit there peacefully, for me, on a stage in front of an audience.
3
SPEAKER_01
And that took years.
3
SPEAKER_01
You want to develop more superpowers.
3
SPEAKER_01
in your tool belt.
3
SPEAKER_01
You want to lean into that.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I had a ton of fears and a lot of insecurities.
3
SPEAKER_01
So it took me many years to start practicing on this and overcoming it.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I still get to step in more of them.
3
SPEAKER_01
The work never ends.
3
SPEAKER_01
So that s the second thing.
3
SPEAKER_01
You ve figured out what you re interested in, your passions, your powers, and overcoming your fears to make them superpowers.
3
SPEAKER_01
And the third one is figuring out what problem do you want to solve?
3
SPEAKER_01
This is something you talk about so much.
3
SPEAKER_01
And one of the reasons why I love your work, Jay,
3
SPEAKER_01
is because you re always asking people to think differently.
3
SPEAKER_01
You don t have to be the one who s the entrepreneur or creating the thing.
3
SPEAKER_01
There are so many great causes, teams, businesses, and companies that have missions that you can be a great team player and use your passion and your power to support that problem.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I think
3
SPEAKER_01
That s what you got to be looking for.
3
SPEAKER_01
And it may not always come to you, you know, in your twenties, early thirties, it may evolve.
3
SPEAKER_01
There are different seasons of life that you can use these passions and powers to solve problems.
3
SPEAKER_01
So you don t have to have it all figured out at 25 or 31, you know, just like give yourself a break and keep enjoying life along the way.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_03
I love the three P s and I hope that everyone, when you get the book, I want you to spend a really big chunk of
4
SPEAKER_00
time figuring out those three P s.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I think what you said is true.
4
SPEAKER_00
I ve heard that rhetoric too of don t follow your passion, it s a waste of time, it s bad advice.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I think what people get confused is your passion with doing what you like all the time every day.
4
SPEAKER_00
There are lots of things I have to do every day that I don t like, but they help me do what I m passionate about.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I think it gets confusing when people are like, well, do your passion means every day, all the time, you ll just be doing what you love.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I m like, well, that s not true because I have to do plenty of things I don t love in order to do what I do love.
4
SPEAKER_01
And that s why you ve got to use discipline.
4
SPEAKER_01
You know, you ve got to use discipline to keep you organized and consistent on certain things that maybe aren t as fun.
4
SPEAKER_01
We d all love to sit around and play games all day, you know, but it takes discipline.
4
SPEAKER_01
to see a meaningful mission come to fruition.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I think that s the key.
4
SPEAKER_01
When you get clear, a lot of people that aren t clear on their meaningful mission for this season of life, they re confused, they get depressed, they have stress, they have overwhelm, they feel lost, they feel frustrated, they feel like something s off.
4
SPEAKER_01
And it s because you re not clear on the meaningful mission for this season of life.
4
SPEAKER_01
And so, that s why it s just so important to get clear on what you want and how you want to include others in this season.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, and I love how you keep saying season of life because it s not like you ve got to find your meaningful mission for the rest of your entire life.
4
SPEAKER_01
No, and I think that is too much pressure for people.
4
SPEAKER_00
How long is a season?
4
SPEAKER_00
How long, how much time do you think people should think about it?
4
SPEAKER_01
I mean, there s different types of seasons and I look at it as sports.
4
SPEAKER_01
in a year you re an athlete in a year there s four seasons in the year of fall summer spring winter in sports there is a pre-season a season uh post-season and the playoffs right there s kind of these four seasonal moments and there s always time to reflect on
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay, I did this thing for nine months or a year.
4
SPEAKER_01
Do I still want to keep doing this thing?
4
SPEAKER_01
Right?
4
SPEAKER_01
Take time to reflect.
4
SPEAKER_01
You take a month off every year to reflect what works.
4
SPEAKER_00
And you look relaxed.
4
SPEAKER_01
Sometimes we re so in it all the time that we don t have the moment to reflect on, do I still, am I still excited about this?
4
SPEAKER_01
Is it still what I want to do?
4
SPEAKER_01
Do I feel like there s a new season coming for me?
4
SPEAKER_01
Like, am I shedding something and stepping into something
4
SPEAKER_01
that I m ready for now.
4
SPEAKER_01
Just like this book, it wasn t the right season five years ago.
4
SPEAKER_01
I didn t feel like I had figured out what I needed to figure out internally to be authentically sharing the message that I have now.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I felt like it would have been a fake if it came out years ago.
4
SPEAKER_01
I knew the concepts, but I didn t know it inside of me.
4
SPEAKER_00
How did you know, like that s a great point right, like I feel like there s a lot of people listening, they want to launch a podcast, they want to write a book, they want to build a new idea inside their company, they want to take a new idea to their boss, they want to start something fresh and new in their area, they want to start a charity right, whatever it may be.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I think there s always that period of not feeling ready and then doing it.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I feel like that s the part where most people are stuck.
4
SPEAKER_00
Where like in their head, if you talk to them, and I ll talk to lots of people, they kind of know what the logo looks like and they re kind of thinking about the website or they kind of put a bit of the presentation for their boss together and they re thinking about it.
4
SPEAKER_00
But what s the difference or what is the right way to go about feeling ready
4
SPEAKER_00
or getting ready even when you don t feel it right like because you didn t want to wait 10 years exactly but you didn t want to wait five days right like how did you yeah and obviously this is a book so it s a bigger thing it takes more time i think there s this concept that we ve all heard that is like uh face it until you uh what is it no fake it till you make it right that s the concept fake it till you make it is what a lot of people hear
4
SPEAKER_01
And I really started to think about, I don t really like that.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I think it should be face it until you embrace it, right?
4
SPEAKER_01
Or face it until you embody it.
4
SPEAKER_01
And so when we take the concept in the greatness mindset of, okay, writing down a list of your fears, you re fearless, then you face the fear until you embody and overcome that fear, until you embrace it, you embody it, and it doesn t have power over you anymore.
4
SPEAKER_01
And really for me, it s about having the perception of like, it just kind of depends what you value in life.
4
SPEAKER_01
So many times for me, I think about how much I could die at any moment.
4
SPEAKER_01
You know, I think that my life could be over at any moment.
4
SPEAKER_01
Will I be proud of who I am if I didn t launch this thing that s been inside of me for a while?
4
SPEAKER_01
I knew on this, I didn t have the fear of writing a book, right?
4
SPEAKER_01
That wasn t a fear of mine where a lot of people, they have a book idea for 10 or 20 years and they just never launched the thing.
4
SPEAKER_01
That wasn t my fear.
4
SPEAKER_01
My fear was being like inauthentic to who I was and being, I don t know, is it a liar or just not feeling like, okay, something was off inside of me.
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t want to put something out there.
4
SPEAKER_01
And so I knew, okay, I know this book is going to be my best work ever, but I don t feel like I m the right messenger yet to put it out there.
4
SPEAKER_01
So what do I need to face?
4
SPEAKER_01
until I can embrace the person I want to be to be able to put this out there.
4
SPEAKER_01
And that to me was after two and a half years of researching this book and taking tons of notes and interviewing experts and me checking in with me at the end of every year, being like, why am I still talking about wanting to write this book, but not having the courage?
4
SPEAKER_01
That s when the therapy and the coaching sessions and diving in deep into my wounds and the emotional traumas,
4
SPEAKER_01
I was like, I need to face this part of me that I m still afraid of.
4
SPEAKER_01
That was the thing on my fear list that I had resisted for decades.
4
SPEAKER_01
And when I faced it, I felt like, wow, I m actually able to feel healing.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m actually able to feel calm around this situation in my life.
4
SPEAKER_01
In other areas, I felt calm, but not this situation.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m actually been facing it consistently every week and doing the work emotionally, revealing myself and exercising and coaching and getting feedback and all that stuff.
4
SPEAKER_01
Then when I felt freedom internally, that s when I was able to create and launch.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, that s a great insight.
4
SPEAKER_00
I think a lot of us are hoping that our fear will just go away or like you said, we just try and fake it and then it doesn t feel right or it doesn t align with us.
4
SPEAKER_00
And really what you re saying is you have to face the fear.
4
SPEAKER_00
There s no other way.
4
SPEAKER_00
There s not like a different route or there s not a different pathway.
4
SPEAKER_00
And you can t out
4
SPEAKER_01
analyze the fear.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yes, yes, yes.
4
SPEAKER_01
I understand the concept.
4
SPEAKER_01
You ve got to experience it.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
And that s scary.
4
SPEAKER_01
Horrifying.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s horrifying.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s the, you know, it s something that held me back for decades.
4
SPEAKER_01
And it s what causes us as human beings to repeat the same patterns of familiarity.
4
SPEAKER_01
We get stuck in patterns that are familiar, even when we know it s not right.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
This is why you hear so many people, specifically women who say on my wedding day,
4
SPEAKER_01
Knew it wasn t right.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like I knew something was off when like three four or five years later They got divorced and you asked him.
4
SPEAKER_01
Did you just never think something was off?
4
SPEAKER_01
They were like on my wedding day I had a feeling but I was afraid I was afraid to let people down I
4
SPEAKER_01
everyone was already there.
4
SPEAKER_01
The invitations were sent.
4
SPEAKER_01
We had already put the down posit down.
4
SPEAKER_01
I didn t want to ruffle feathers and I thought maybe we just try to make it work.
4
SPEAKER_01
A lot of us have that fear of letting others down and that s the thing that holds a lot of people back.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah and I love it in the book because you break down
4
SPEAKER_00
the four fears that we all experience.
4
SPEAKER_00
So I want to go, I want to just give people a list.
4
SPEAKER_00
Three main fears.
4
SPEAKER_00
Three main fears.
4
SPEAKER_00
Sorry, three main fears.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Failure, success, judgment.
4
SPEAKER_00
Sorry, three main fears.
4
SPEAKER_00
I want to, I want to just touch on them because I think that these top three fears are really well articulated and I, and I ve experienced all of them.
4
SPEAKER_00
So I want to reflect on them myself too.
4
SPEAKER_00
So I remember when I was thinking about, like you said, so I d been doing what I do today.
4
SPEAKER_00
I ve been doing it now for 17 years, seven years online, 10 years offline.
4
SPEAKER_00
And the 10 years that it was offline, there were no followers, there was no courses, there was no business aspect to it.
4
SPEAKER_00
It was just service and it was me learning and me sharing my passion with five to 10 people that would show up or 50 people that would show up.
4
SPEAKER_00
And when I finally realized that I wanted it to reach more people, and that was an internal calling I had that I didn t want to live in a world where only 5 to 10 people had access to these ideas, because these ideas changed my life.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I felt, wait a minute, I met a monk.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s a very specific experience.
4
SPEAKER_00
Not everyone s going to go through something like that.
4
SPEAKER_00
So how do we speed that experience up for more people?
4
SPEAKER_00
I was scared of failure because I was looking at- Why were you scared of failure?
4
SPEAKER_00
Because I was looking at social media and I was looking at content and I was looking at things people were doing and I was scared about what my friends would say.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_00
I was scared about me uploading something and not getting views and getting criticism or getting like people in the comment section saying, oh, this is trash or whatever.
5
SPEAKER_02
And I was scared of failure.
5
SPEAKER_02
I was scared of no one s going to care.
5
SPEAKER_02
No one s going to watch and it doesn t and it s not going to matter.
5
SPEAKER_02
And that probably lasted as I was researching, learning and thinking for two years.
5
SPEAKER_01
where I felt like that before I actually... You wanted to but you didn t do it.
5
SPEAKER_02
Exactly.
5
SPEAKER_02
I wanted to in my head and often at those times I find that s when you start becoming critical too.
5
SPEAKER_02
So you re kind of looking at what everyone else is doing and you re finding holes in it because you think you could do it better or you know you get kind of like that and you realize that s not how you want to live either and so I find often when we re the most inactive or stagnant that s when we re the most critical or judgmental of others who are doing something.
5
SPEAKER_02
and trying their best.
5
SPEAKER_01
No authors are writing negative reviews on other authors  books.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s just the people who have never written a book who s like, this was the worst book ever, right?
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, and it s hard.
5
SPEAKER_02
And so I remember feeling that way, like where, you know, I was starting to notice, I remember even years ago when my friends were really into music and we d be like laughing at the rapper on screen or like whoever it may be and be like, oh, look, he thinks he s got rhymes and we could do better.
5
SPEAKER_02
And it s like, but that guy s actually gone and done it, right?
5
SPEAKER_02
That person s doing it.
5
SPEAKER_02
And so,
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, talk to me about, let s talk about that, because I think the fear of failure, and I love the way you put it into failure, and we ll talk about success and judgment.
5
SPEAKER_02
Fear of failure is the number one thing that blocks us from trying.
5
SPEAKER_02
And that s the part, right?
5
SPEAKER_02
It s not about stops us from succeeding, it stops us from trying.
5
SPEAKER_01
I was trying to figure out what is the thing that holds us back?
5
SPEAKER_01
What are these fears?
5
SPEAKER_01
And it became clear to me that it was failure, success, and judgment.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I started, I didn t understand failure and success personally, but I started to ask people and kind of brainstorm it and workshop with people.
5
SPEAKER_01
Because for me, as an athlete growing up, I was conditioned that failure is a part of success.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, that makes sense.
5
SPEAKER_01
So if I wanted success,
5
SPEAKER_01
And the pathway there is failure.
5
SPEAKER_01
Like every day in practice, you fail, you make a mistake, you give the wrong pass, you turn the ball over, you drop the ball, you miss the shot.
5
SPEAKER_01
So I would watch Michael Jordan fail a hundred times a game, but still win the game.
5
SPEAKER_01
you know, or whatever it is, you know, it s like miss a ton of shots.
5
SPEAKER_01
And it was never like the worst thing.
5
SPEAKER_01
It was like, I don t want to fail in my sport.
5
SPEAKER_01
I want to be perfect in every play, but I know that this is the path towards success.
5
SPEAKER_01
And it s how I get feedback to get better.
5
SPEAKER_01
So failure was feedback.
5
SPEAKER_01
It was information telling me what I needed to do to improve.
5
SPEAKER_01
So, I understand that concept.
5
SPEAKER_01
Success, I also did not understand why people are afraid of success.
5
SPEAKER_01
But as I started touring and speaking and asking people, who here is afraid of failure?
5
SPEAKER_01
Most of the room would raise their hand at some point in their life they re afraid of failure.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I d say, how many of you are afraid of success?
5
SPEAKER_01
Thinking everyone wants this.
5
SPEAKER_01
So,
5
SPEAKER_01
Almost half the room would also raise their hand for success.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I go, but this is the thing people want.
5
SPEAKER_01
So if you want something you re afraid of, why would it come to you?
5
SPEAKER_01
Why would success come to you if you re afraid of it?
5
SPEAKER_01
Why would money come to you if you re afraid of it?
5
SPEAKER_01
Why would love come to you if you are afraid of it?
5
SPEAKER_01
So I never understood that concept, but as I started to talk to people and realize, oh, actually I get it because the weight of gold can be so heavy for so many people.
5
SPEAKER_01
There s actually a documentary called Weight of Gold that is about Olympic gold medalists who go on to commit suicide afterwards, who go on to have extreme depression, mental health challenges,
5
SPEAKER_01
lose friendships, go bankrupt, all this stuff, because the pressure once you succeed, to stay there, everyone expecting you to be a certain way, everyone expecting you to be perfect all the time, the perfect role model, everyone expecting you now to have money to just give to your friends and family, and not knowing who really cares about you for you versus your success.
5
SPEAKER_01
So and also,
5
SPEAKER_01
It s just a weight that takes a lot of courage to be able to lean into and manage.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I think it s a skill set to understand and manage success.
5
SPEAKER_01
But that s something I always wanted.
5
SPEAKER_01
So I was like, bring it on.
5
SPEAKER_01
You know, I ll take it.
5
SPEAKER_01
The fear for me that has been my kryptonite over the years was judgment and the need for other people to like me.
5
SPEAKER_01
and specifically the matters of the heart and intimacy.
5
SPEAKER_01
And that s why I kept repeating the pattern, because I wasn t afraid to enter a relationship.
5
SPEAKER_01
I wasn t afraid of that.
5
SPEAKER_01
I wasn t afraid of it doing well.
5
SPEAKER_01
I wanted it to do well, but I kept abandoning myself to try to please one person to accept and love me.
5
SPEAKER_01
I was terrified of the judgment.
5
SPEAKER_01
And that crippled me.
5
SPEAKER_01
It was a big kryptonite in my entire existence until a couple of years ago.
5
SPEAKER_01
And that s the thing.
5
SPEAKER_01
We ve got to identify which one of these fears holds us back the most.
5
SPEAKER_01
And again, in the book, I talk about kind of the process of uncovering and unpacking that so that you can have clarity and awareness.
5
SPEAKER_01
You talk about awareness is the key.
5
SPEAKER_01
Once you are aware and clear, then you can create a game plan on how to embrace it, overcome it,
5
SPEAKER_01
and make that fear and insecurity a superpower.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I truly think we re just going to have something off inside of us.
5
SPEAKER_01
We re going to be unfulfilled.
5
SPEAKER_01
We re going to be frustrated, you know, disconnected until we figure out what that fear is for us.
5
SPEAKER_01
and figuring out how to fully accept ourselves at the center of all three of these fears is I m not enough.
5
SPEAKER_01
I am not lovable enough, I m not smart enough, I m not good enough, I m not talented enough, I m not enough.
5
SPEAKER_01
And when we can finally get to a place where I say I am enough, I can go back to all the different periods of my life that I m not proud of, that I m ashamed of, that I m insecure about, that I hurt people, that other people hurt me, that I haven t forgiven, if I can go back
5
SPEAKER_01
and reconnect with those broken elements of my mindset from the past and create healing and wholeness, then I can accept and love myself today for where I m at.
5
SPEAKER_01
And that s when everything changes.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, and I can sort of relate to all of those as you re talking about them.
5
SPEAKER_02
Like, I remember after I had my first viral video, I didn t want to make any videos.
5
SPEAKER_01
Really?
5
SPEAKER_01
Why?
5
SPEAKER_02
Because you re scared of success, like you re scared of... But weren t you excited?
5
SPEAKER_02
You re like, oh, 50 million views, like all these people... You get, well, that s the point, right?
5
SPEAKER_02
Like, at one point, it has to become about more than the success or failure.
5
SPEAKER_02
And that s where the meaningful mission, it comes back to that, right?
5
SPEAKER_02
It always comes back to that.
5
SPEAKER_02
and I was talking about this with our friend and we talked about you too, it s so funny.
5
SPEAKER_02
I was talking to Stephen Bartlett recently because I was in London and we talked about you too because we were talking about relationships and he was saying what he d learned from you and the conversations you guys have had and now I m talking about him to you.
5
SPEAKER_02
I was talking to him about the idea of just like getting comfortable with the idea that at one point we all have to embrace insignificance and irrelevance
5
SPEAKER_02
in a public sense but that in an internal sense the meaningful mission was what was carrying you.
5
SPEAKER_02
So if you stop because people stop following or if you start only when people are following then there isn t a meaningful mission.
5
SPEAKER_02
Because the meaningful mission is what you were doing, whether people were following or not, because it s what you wanted to do and who you wanted to be.
5
SPEAKER_02
And so I think it comes back to that, that if you only play when you re winning and you stop when you re losing,
5
SPEAKER_02
or you don t pivot and learn a new way to serve, then there isn t a meaningful mission at the bedrock of it.
5
SPEAKER_02
And so I love that the meaningful mission is at the heart of everything because there will always be changes.
5
SPEAKER_02
Like the platforms will change, the algorithms will change.
5
SPEAKER_01
People will come and go.
5
SPEAKER_02
People will come and go.
5
SPEAKER_02
And you see the people that have lasted the test of time, it s usually people who have a meaningful mission, as you were saying, who want to keep serving, keep giving, they feel they
5
SPEAKER_00
A new season of Bridgerton is here.
5
SPEAKER_00
And with it, a new season of Bridgerton, the official podcast.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m your host, Gabrielle Collins.
5
SPEAKER_00
And this season, we are bringing fans even deeper into the ton.
5
SPEAKER_00
Colin Bridgerton has returned from his travels abroad.
5
SPEAKER_00
Is Betrothal written in the stars for the eligible bachelor?
5
SPEAKER_00
Meanwhile, the ton is reverberating with speculation of who holds Lady Whistledown s pen.
5
SPEAKER_00
We re discussing it all.
5
SPEAKER_00
I sit down with Nicola Coughlin, Luke Newton, Shonda Rhimes, and more to offer an exclusive peek behind the scenes of each episode of the new season.
5
SPEAKER_00
Watch season three of the Shondaland series on Netflix.
5
SPEAKER_00
Then,
5
SPEAKER_00
Fall in love all over again by listening to Bridgerton, the official podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
5
SPEAKER_00
Subscribe to catch a new episode every Thursday.
5
SPEAKER_01
have that.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, and they re not they re not worried about how famous or relevant they are.
5
SPEAKER_01
You know, I think I loved your conversation with Kevin Hart about how like fame is like this ultimate drug.
5
SPEAKER_01
And if it s not used wisely or managed properly, it will ruin you.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I think, you know, the idea of being relevant or having
6
SPEAKER_01
followers or views or something like that.
6
SPEAKER_01
If it s not managed properly, it ll probably stress you out and overwhelm you and make you go a little crazy unless there s some foundation of, Hey, yes, I want to impact more people.
6
SPEAKER_01
And yes, I want this to do well, but the mission is to serve.
6
SPEAKER_01
And I remember when I wrote my last book specifically,
6
SPEAKER_01
about masculine vulnerability, I remember thinking to myself, this may not do that well.
6
SPEAKER_01
At that time in 2018 or 2017, whenever that was, I was like, I don t know if men are ready to start talking about being vulnerable.
6
SPEAKER_01
It was kind of just like barely happening.
6
SPEAKER_01
And now everyone is talking about that.
6
SPEAKER_01
Not everyone, but you see that a lot.
6
SPEAKER_01
But I remember being like, I really don t care if this sells a million copies or one.
6
SPEAKER_01
If it sells one and that man is impacted and he has a deeper relationship with himself where he heals.
6
SPEAKER_01
He has a deeper relationship with his wife or his partner and his family.
6
SPEAKER_01
He heals and mends some relationships and he finds more happiness, health and he heals.
6
SPEAKER_01
then I was like, it s worth it.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s worth the two years of research.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s worth all the pain that I went through.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s worth the fear of opening up about sexual abuse that I was afraid of years before that, because I want another guy to feel the same way.
6
SPEAKER_01
And so I think when we go into it with, yes, we want things to do well.
6
SPEAKER_01
When we put effort and energy into launching a project, a business, a company, a book, a podcast, of course you want things to go well.
6
SPEAKER_01
But if you have the meaningful mission as the bedrock, where you re just like, it s about we, it s about us, it s about service.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s not about me getting more famous or building something of more followers.
6
SPEAKER_01
That s when I think it s more sustainable energetically.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
When people are sitting with that and we kind of skipped, not skipped over it, but we used it and moved forward.
6
SPEAKER_00
Like I think when I use the word purpose or when you use the word meaningful mission, it s like it can feel quite heavy for some people because they re like, I don t care about it.
6
SPEAKER_00
Like there s nothing that I even care about that much.
6
SPEAKER_00
Like I don t know or I want to.
6
SPEAKER_00
I wish I cared about humanity or animals or whatever it may be that you care about.
6
SPEAKER_01
You got to know your season.
6
SPEAKER_01
When I was broke on my sister s couch, I couldn t think beyond getting off the couch.
6
SPEAKER_01
So I was like, my meaningful mission is to make enough money to live on my own.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I remember that.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, paying rent and paying groceries was where I started.
6
SPEAKER_01
If that s your season of life, you got to focus on that.
6
SPEAKER_01
And you got to focus on getting to a baseline where you can start thinking beyond yourself.
6
SPEAKER_00
But you re doing that with the hidden feeling of like, I want to do service, but right now I just need to focus on this.
6
SPEAKER_00
That s, it s kind of like, I love that you said that because that s what I found too.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s like, I never stopped wanting to do service.
6
SPEAKER_00
There were just moments in trying to do service with the immediate need.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s kind of like saying you have an apartment.
6
SPEAKER_00
there s a fire in the apartment, but you re trying to do your interior design, right?
6
SPEAKER_00
Or you want to have your friends over.
6
SPEAKER_00
You re like, no, but my apartment s down, my friends over.
6
SPEAKER_00
And it s like, no, no, no.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s burning.
6
SPEAKER_00
I want to serve with my house.
6
SPEAKER_00
I want to have my friends over.
6
SPEAKER_00
And it s like, no, no, no.
6
SPEAKER_00
Just solve the fire and then use it for that.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
And I think it s understanding where you re at.
6
SPEAKER_01
And that s why I said, like, listen, when I,
6
SPEAKER_01
You ve got to have a season of overcoming your fears as well.
6
SPEAKER_01
Like for a few years, I was just like, I m so crippled by insecurity and fear that all my energy is going towards public speaking class.
6
SPEAKER_01
I m doing salsa lessons because this was a fear of mine and I wanted to- Oh, you re such a good dancer.
6
SPEAKER_00
Thanks, man.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
I ve seen videos, yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
And I was in research mode.
6
SPEAKER_01
I know you love to read and research and teach.
6
SPEAKER_01
I was in just research mode for hours every day.
6
SPEAKER_01
I was researching, I was learning online, I was building relationships, and I was overcoming fears.
6
SPEAKER_01
That was the season while I was on my sister s couch for a year and a half trying to figure out who am I in this world?
6
SPEAKER_01
What is the point of all this?
6
SPEAKER_01
What is my identity now that I ve lost my dream and my athletic dreams?
6
SPEAKER_01
What am I gonna do the rest of my life?
6
SPEAKER_01
I was in a season of researching, of building relationships, and overcoming fears.
6
SPEAKER_01
But still, I was being in service to the people I was working with.
6
SPEAKER_01
I was bringing curiosity.
6
SPEAKER_01
I was bringing joy.
6
SPEAKER_01
I was bringing moments of fun.
6
SPEAKER_01
And that s just as much service as it is feeding the homeless or changing the world or curing cancer.
6
SPEAKER_00
That s a great answer.
6
SPEAKER_01
Greatness is not about changing the world.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s about changing the world around you.
6
SPEAKER_01
and changing the world within you.
6
SPEAKER_01
And being in that evolution of growth and transformation and saying, how can I continue to level up myself and the people around me?
6
SPEAKER_01
That might be three people.
6
SPEAKER_01
But if you re doing that, it s making a ripple on so many more.
6
SPEAKER_00
You lived that and that s what I love about you.
6
SPEAKER_00
There s a couple of things that I want to point out and I want to ask you how you ve done these things sometimes.
6
SPEAKER_00
I remember I went to lunch with Matthew Hussey who s a dear friend of ours and you ve been friends with him a lot longer but you always told me I d get along with him and we do.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I went for lunch with him, and you guys had just all been on Red Table Talk for an episode.
6
SPEAKER_00
And it was you and Stefan Speaks.
6
SPEAKER_00
And Devon Franklin.
6
SPEAKER_00
And Devon Franklin and Matthew.
6
SPEAKER_00
And Matthew was saying that the whole time, because there was so many of you.
6
SPEAKER_00
There was like eight of us around the table, there s more people.
6
SPEAKER_00
And there were like so many of you around the table, and there were lots of questions.
6
SPEAKER_00
It was like everyone obviously has so much value to add.
6
SPEAKER_00
Everyone on that table has beautiful insights, but you were kind of like doing layups for everyone else.
6
SPEAKER_00
So it s like everyone was sharing their insights, but you were the guy who was like passing it to everyone on the thing.
6
SPEAKER_00
And you have loads of great insights too, but you were happy to play.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I just want to say that you practice what you preach and that you do that even when you have an opportunity to shine.
6
SPEAKER_00
You re happy to pass the ball, like you re happy to pass the ball and go, no, you slam dunk, you take the three pointer, you take that.
6
SPEAKER_00
And people notice that, right?
6
SPEAKER_00
Like the right people who are aware, they notice that and they recognize that, oh, this person actually is meaning what they re saying.
6
SPEAKER_00
And that was just a private lunch I was having with a mutual friend of ours.
6
SPEAKER_00
It wasn t like a show or anything.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I wanted to share that, but the other part of what I see in you, you re so good and you talk about this in the book about enlisting support.
6
SPEAKER_00
You re so good at finding a coach, going to a class, getting a teacher, doing a course.
6
SPEAKER_00
I give that advice all the time and I think we give that advice all the time.
6
SPEAKER_00
We re like, just start doing a course, like do this, do that.
6
SPEAKER_00
right and because it s real because we ve experienced it in our own lives like by the way i only i m only a public speaker because my parents forced me to go to public speaking classes so i ve been to seven years of nine hours a week with exams of public speaking training from age 11 to age 18 that s great it s courses right it s like anything in the world is trained is learned is built and
6
SPEAKER_00
I think we live in a world now where we think oh that s a god-given talent or you don t have it.
6
SPEAKER_00
When you actually start to realize that oh the person you think that can dance yeah they might have had some cool skills.
6
SPEAKER_00
I could not dance.
6
SPEAKER_00
You could not dance at all but now like when I see you when I ve seen video and stuff I m like
6
SPEAKER_00
You re a great dancer, right?
6
SPEAKER_00
And I think people could say the same for speaking, business, you ve talked about everything.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, like so many things.
6
SPEAKER_00
So let s talk a bit about that because I do think that education and training are
6
SPEAKER_00
the pathway to transformation and growth, reading a book, is that crossing the line?
6
SPEAKER_00
Like I was saying to someone yesterday that I have this habit where I look at what my block is every season almost, using your language, and I will go and find books, interviews, and podcasts on that problem.
6
SPEAKER_00
And so I was in so many bookstores over Christmas because I love bookshops, and I was just walking around
6
SPEAKER_00
And I would walk around just as like, I was given this example yesterday.
6
SPEAKER_00
I was like, if you re out of milk at home, you go to buy milk.
6
SPEAKER_00
You don t just go, Oh, I ll just use washing up liquid instead.
6
SPEAKER_00
Right.
6
SPEAKER_00
But if you re out of discipline, what we do is we go buy some discipline.
6
SPEAKER_00
Like what we do is we go, Oh, I ll just watch Netflix then.
6
SPEAKER_00
Right.
6
SPEAKER_00
And it doesn t solve the gap.
6
SPEAKER_00
Like if you re out of cereal at home, you don t just go, Oh, I ll just eat like chips for breakfast.
6
SPEAKER_00
You
6
SPEAKER_00
and buy cereal.
6
SPEAKER_00
And so I look at my life in that way, like a grocery store, and I go, what is it that I need in my life?
6
SPEAKER_00
Okay, maybe right now I need to become a better leader.
6
SPEAKER_00
Okay, maybe right now I need to become a better husband.
6
SPEAKER_00
Right now I need to become a better interviewer, whatever it may be.
6
SPEAKER_00
And then I ll go and look for that.
6
SPEAKER_00
And it sounds like you do the same.
6
SPEAKER_00
How have you found the ability to, a couple of things.
6
SPEAKER_00
The first thing is find good classes and coaches and mentors, because I think a lot of people struggle with knowing, like, do I trust this?
6
SPEAKER_00
Do I not?
6
SPEAKER_00
Good question for people to ask.
6
SPEAKER_00
And second part is how do you commit and stay on top of it when naturally like it s easier to just sit at home and watch TV?
6
SPEAKER_00
Two things.
6
SPEAKER_01
How do I commit and stay on top of it?
6
SPEAKER_00
I pay in advance.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, right.
6
SPEAKER_00
That s a great way.
6
SPEAKER_01
I pay my nutrition and fitness coach in advance.
7
SPEAKER_00
I pay my therapist and emotional coach a year in advance and we schedule it every two weeks for the year.
7
SPEAKER_00
So, I ve got money invested, I ve got time and calendar organized, committed.
7
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, so it s not like, oh, I ll pay you every week when I come, we ll see when the meeting gets set up.
7
SPEAKER_00
It s not one class at a time, it s a block of time in advance.
7
SPEAKER_00
It takes time to learn.
7
SPEAKER_00
It s forced discipline, yeah.
7
SPEAKER_00
Forced discipline.
7
SPEAKER_00
And when you re invested in it, you pay more attention to it.
7
SPEAKER_00
As our friend Dean Graciosi says, he says, you pay attention to what you pay for.
7
SPEAKER_00
Right?
7
SPEAKER_00
And you ll pay more attention when you pay more money, typically.
7
SPEAKER_00
I m not saying you need to spend tons of money.
7
SPEAKER_00
A lot of things that I ve gotten from free mentorship, whether it be people just giving me time, me learning from podcasts, books, videos, courses, things like that, that were free and available online.
7
SPEAKER_00
But I ve always seen accelerated results when I invest in something.
7
SPEAKER_00
When I invest in someone, something, and I know I ve got to do a period of time to complete it.
7
SPEAKER_00
That s number one.
7
SPEAKER_00
Number two, and how do I find them?
7
SPEAKER_00
How do you know who to trust and how do you find them?
7
SPEAKER_00
How do I know to trust?
7
SPEAKER_00
I typically ask people that I respect.
7
SPEAKER_00
So, I ll ask you, hey, do you know someone who can help me on this?
7
SPEAKER_00
So, I trust and respect you.
7
SPEAKER_00
If you have a referral, then I ll probably trust that person or at least I ll jump on a call.
7
SPEAKER_00
But otherwise, you can find a lot of people online and see what they re creating, how their energy is, their vibe and things like that.
7
SPEAKER_00
You can consume some of their information.
7
SPEAKER_00
You can see testimonials, you can check in with those testimonials or referrals.
7
SPEAKER_00
So I just kind of follow that process.
7
SPEAKER_00
And I ll always do like an intro session with someone if it s a coaching to see like, do we really connect before I commit a year in advance or three months in advance.
7
SPEAKER_00
So it s making sure that they ve got results that I respect.
7
SPEAKER_00
And they ve worked with people and helped them overcome challenges that I respect as well.
7
SPEAKER_00
Then it becomes more of a thing that I trust jiving into.
7
SPEAKER_00
And to go back to what you were saying just before that about kind of giving people layups and stuff, I wasn t like that until 10 years ago.
7
SPEAKER_00
I mean, in some ways I was, but it wasn t until 10 years ago when I had this kind of initial transformation of letting go of big parts of my ego.
7
SPEAKER_00
where I said that I have to be extreme in a sense the other way, because I was so competitive.
7
SPEAKER_00
I wanted to be right.
7
SPEAKER_00
I wanted to win.
7
SPEAKER_00
I wanted to be number one at everything.
7
SPEAKER_01
I can t imagine you like that.
7
SPEAKER_01
I can imagine.
7
SPEAKER_01
I know you re competitive in sport, obviously, but as an energy, that s... Yeah, I didn t know you then.
7
SPEAKER_00
Maybe people didn t feel it, but internally, that was driving me, right?
7
SPEAKER_00
In a lot of ways.
7
SPEAKER_00
And it was all based on a wound that I hadn t healed yet.
7
SPEAKER_00
Once I started to heal, I was like, oh wow, I ve had this all wrong.
7
SPEAKER_00
Everything was win-lose to me as opposed to win-win.
7
SPEAKER_00
So 10 years ago, I actually learned the concept of win-win for the first time, or at least I understood it for the first time.
7
SPEAKER_00
Maybe I d heard it as a kid, but I didn t embody it until I was able to face that and wake up to it.
7
SPEAKER_00
And that s why I was like, OK, I m going to start this show.
7
SPEAKER_00
It s not going to be about me.
7
SPEAKER_00
It s going to shine the light on everyone else.
7
SPEAKER_00
I want to practice this.
7
SPEAKER_00
I want to overcome this consistently.
7
SPEAKER_00
And I was really inspired by Oprah, where she just always shined the light on others, right, for 20 something years.
7
SPEAKER_00
And she s talked about it before.
7
SPEAKER_00
It s like when you shine the light, there s always a reflection of light back on you.
7
SPEAKER_00
And the more you do that for more people over time, you become brighter in return.
7
SPEAKER_00
And that s not the goal to become brighter necessarily for selfish reasons, but it naturally happens.
7
SPEAKER_00
You re reflected the light back on you.
7
SPEAKER_00
And I think that s a beautiful thing.
7
SPEAKER_00
You know, it s something that you do so well by lifting others up.
7
SPEAKER_00
It s something that I try to do really well by lifting my friends up like we did on Red Table Talk.
7
SPEAKER_00
When Jada is asking a question, I m like, gosh, I know Stefan has the perfect answer for this because I ve heard him say this three times.
7
SPEAKER_00
So I go, Stefan, you know what to say here.
7
SPEAKER_00
When Matthew had a different perspective on something else, I was like, Matthew, man, you said this amazing thing about this before.
7
SPEAKER_00
Can you share what this is?
7
SPEAKER_00
Devon, I ve heard you say this.
7
SPEAKER_00
So, you know, I learned this early on because I didn t feel like I had the answers or I was smart in my early twenties.
7
SPEAKER_00
So I wouldn t speak a lot from my perspective.
7
SPEAKER_00
I would just ask curious questions.
7
SPEAKER_00
And after a couple hours of meeting with someone, I never really spoke about me.
7
SPEAKER_00
I would just ask about them.
7
SPEAKER_00
At the end of the conversation, they were like, man, you re the most interesting person I ve ever met.
7
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, I didn t share anything about my life.
7
SPEAKER_00
I just asked you questions.
7
SPEAKER_00
But people want to feel that you re curious and interested in them.
7
SPEAKER_00
And then they ll think you re extremely interesting.
7
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
7
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, and I feel like it s also just something that you also naturally listen and I think that, you know, I think a lot of these things are often used as techniques and they don t come across as genuine because if you ask a question, you actually have to listen and then you actually have to remember and then you d ask a follow-up question and I think sometimes you can tell when it s disingenuous or
7
SPEAKER_01
You can feed it for a mile off.
7
SPEAKER_00
Or it s manipulative or something.
7
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, when you feel like it s a technique where someone s coming at it, like, you know, whenever, you know, people used to give the advice of like, oh, reach out and do something for free for someone.
7
SPEAKER_01
And then someone would do that for you, but then they come back with like this.
7
SPEAKER_01
And then you re like, oh, wait a minute.
7
SPEAKER_01
I thought you were doing this for free.
7
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I thought you were doing it for free.
7
SPEAKER_01
And you start realizing just like, it has to be done so genuinely.
7
SPEAKER_01
And people will respond to that.
7
SPEAKER_01
I had a,
7
SPEAKER_01
you know I had a rule that and I still have it too like I never took pictures with celebrities unless they were on the show or in a meaningful connection it was never a clout grab like it wasn t like I m in this place I ve seen this person let s get a picture just to like show off who you re hanging around with like
7
SPEAKER_01
it was like no if I have a relationship with that person or they re on a podcast and there s a meaningful interaction or we re doing something together because it s just like when when people feel used and you re using people in that way and there s no genuineness it kind of just like it feels really cheap and and it comes across that way too and it actually blocks you having a real relationship right and so when you re asking interesting questions and I know you do that all the time but I also know you re listening
7
SPEAKER_01
because then we ll bring it up again in another conversation.
7
SPEAKER_01
And so I think there s a real truth to that.
7
SPEAKER_01
I also in my own personal coaching practice, I set a new rule and this was something that took me a while to understand, but it really helped me.
7
SPEAKER_01
So anyone that I privately coach, we have a fee of my time, but the entire fee goes to charity of their choice.
7
SPEAKER_01
That s cool.
7
SPEAKER_01
So I have a fee, we count up the hours like I would in any coaching practice, but the amount goes to a charity of their choice.
7
SPEAKER_01
That s cool.
7
SPEAKER_01
And it became a way that I could feel I was serving and I could give myself.
7
SPEAKER_01
And I wanted the person to also feel like they were getting the feeling of giving back rather than always paying for stuff.
7
SPEAKER_00
That s cool.
7
SPEAKER_01
Because I found that a lot of people always felt that they could pay for anything and they could buy anything.
7
SPEAKER_01
And I wanted them to feel the opposite.
7
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, that s cool.
7
SPEAKER_01
Where it s like they weren t buying anything, they were getting to give away.
7
SPEAKER_00
That s amazing.
7
SPEAKER_01
And yeah, so I ve never talked about it before, but I wanted to share it with you because it was just something that I was thinking about.
7
SPEAKER_01
I wanted to find a method where I could give my heart to someone and they could give their heart to me.
7
SPEAKER_01
And I found sometimes that money got in the way of the heart.
7
SPEAKER_01
And so like in friendship, there s no money exchange, hence there s a heart space.
7
SPEAKER_01
And so in coaching, I had to find a way.
7
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
7
SPEAKER_01
And that was, that was my way.
7
SPEAKER_01
And it s like been a beautiful commitment.
7
SPEAKER_00
And it s great unless it gets like overwhelming with coaching clients and you have no time.
7
SPEAKER_01
And I don t, right.
7
SPEAKER_01
Like I m very, I don t have, I have like six, seven people that I work with.
7
SPEAKER_01
So it s, it s, it s not something that I m looking to grow in a, in a business sense.
7
SPEAKER_00
Where are you looking to grow in your life right now?
7
SPEAKER_00
After a month of reflection of this end of your season of last year of being your, honestly, your biggest year ever, and in so many ways from the business to success, to speaking, to the podcast growth, to YouTube, to video, celebrity clients, all the talk shows you ve been on, all these things that have happened.
7
SPEAKER_00
What was the big reflection for you and where do you see yourself moving in this next year?
7
SPEAKER_01
So obviously this year, the new book is out, A Ruse of Love, so my heart s in love.
7
SPEAKER_01
The tour is happening for the first time.
7
SPEAKER_01
I m really excited to like hug people and hold their hands and look into their eyes.
7
SPEAKER_01
I think I m like, I ve always been a hugger.
7
SPEAKER_00
We just hugged for like... And by the way, everyone watching right now or listening, when you hug Jay in person, just whisper in his ear and hug him long and say, this was from Lewis.
7
SPEAKER_00
Because that s what I do with Jake, I hold him so long and I whisper in his ear, I m like, I love you.
7
SPEAKER_01
But there s a joy in that, like I love physical connection, like I love the idea that I m actually gonna like, you know, I feel so grateful that
7
SPEAKER_01
for six, seven years I ve been doing this, I haven t met 99% of people, you probably feel the same way.
7
SPEAKER_01
And I just like, I feel so grateful and I wanna kind of like outpour all of that on stage to everyone who s gonna be there because there s so much gratitude built up in me that I haven t been able to, me saying it in a microphone doesn t do it justice.
7
SPEAKER_01
And traveling around and doing a hectic schedule and doing all this craziness is really an output, it s totally from a gratitude point of view because
8
SPEAKER_01
There s nothing else to it of why you d go on tour.
8
SPEAKER_01
So I m excited for that.
8
SPEAKER_01
And then if I m completely honest, I m excited for rest, study and creativity.
8
SPEAKER_01
I m really looking forward into the next half of the year where my plan is to go more internal and learn and study again and research and read more.
8
SPEAKER_01
I do that all the time, but I mean, do it even in a more obsessive, constructive way.
8
SPEAKER_01
and spend more time just being creative and being present.
8
SPEAKER_01
Because I feel like I ve been really going all out for like the last six, seven years now.
8
SPEAKER_01
And it s been so meaningful and powerful and beautiful.
8
SPEAKER_01
But at the same time, I m conscious that to have the next seven years be even better than it s been, it s going to require this pit stop.
8
SPEAKER_01
And my monk teacher would always say, if you want to go three steps forward, you have to go three steps deep.
8
SPEAKER_01
And so this is the time to go three steps deep in order to go three steps forward again.
8
SPEAKER_01
And so I feel after going all this forward that I ve done, it s time to go deep again.
8
SPEAKER_01
And I feel that internally, it s calling me.
8
SPEAKER_00
Well, you re about to spend the next, what, three to six months going hard.
8
SPEAKER_00
Hard and forward.
8
SPEAKER_00
And that s great.
8
SPEAKER_00
And I m ready for that.
8
SPEAKER_01
And I m ready for that after this month off.
8
SPEAKER_01
But after that, I m already planning.
8
SPEAKER_00
I m curious.
8
SPEAKER_00
I know this interview is about me.
8
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it is about you.
8
SPEAKER_00
But I can never not ask you questions no matter when we re doing this stuff.
8
SPEAKER_00
I m curious if you could fast forward in your heart and your mind one year and just imagine everything that has happened.
8
SPEAKER_00
You re pouring your energy into everyone, the gratitude you re going to give to all this community, you know, tens of thousands of people that are going to be in person over the next few months supporting you, seeing you.
8
SPEAKER_00
And make sure you guys, if you haven t bought the book, get his book right now as well.
8
SPEAKER_00
What do you think is going to be the lesson you re going to learn at the end of this year?
8
SPEAKER_00
If you could be in the future, what do you think your soul is going to tell you that is going to be the lesson and the thing for you to step into or let go of into the next year?
8
SPEAKER_01
I think the lesson will be to and everyone needs to do this and it comes back to your point of season is to live in the season that you have reached and what I mean by that is that there was a different energy that it took to get here and it will be a different energy to move forward and I think it s really interesting because I think we often stay in the same energy state multiple years of our life
8
SPEAKER_01
because we got used to it or we got familiar with it and then years go by before you realize you needed an energy shift and I think when you see people who are burnt out, lost or confused or feel like they wasted time it s because they never realized that they stayed in the same energy state
8
SPEAKER_01
that they were in when they started and you have to accept that time has changed and life has moved on and you ve learned new things and you ve gained new clarity and so I think that will be the lesson and letting go I think will be I want to do I feel like to get to this point I had to do a lot of what
8
SPEAKER_01
I didn t love and I think that that should always get less and less and less.
8
SPEAKER_01
So I think a healthy life isn t one where you only do what you love but it s a life where you do less and less of what you don t love.
8
SPEAKER_01
And so I feel like my life s always moving in that direction and I think in a year from now I have all the clarity and all the opportunity
8
SPEAKER_01
to start afresh as opposed to continuing to just exist in the world of repeating what s been done.
8
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
8
SPEAKER_01
If that makes sense.
8
SPEAKER_00
It s good insight.
8
SPEAKER_00
Your future self is wise.
8
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah.
8
SPEAKER_01
Hopefully, hopefully.
8
SPEAKER_01
I now I ve got to live up to it.
8
SPEAKER_01
No, it s good.
8
SPEAKER_01
Well, this is a beautiful question.
8
SPEAKER_01
It s good you make me vocalize and I hope everyone s getting to see how good Lewis is at what he does and what he does for himself too.
8
SPEAKER_01
No, the question like that s great because it gives me something to live up to that I aspire for, right?
8
SPEAKER_01
And it reminds me of that Matthew McConaughey speech.
8
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, 10 years out.
8
SPEAKER_01
I love that speech.
8
SPEAKER_00
Chase it by hero 10 years away.
8
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
8
SPEAKER_01
And it s just like, it s the Oscar speech, if anyone doesn t know, Dallas Buyers Club, he won the Oscar for best actor, and he gives one of the best speeches of all time, in my opinion.
8
SPEAKER_01
And yeah, it s that idea of just
8
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it gives you something to chase, which is yours.
8
SPEAKER_01
It s you.
8
SPEAKER_01
It s not chasing.
8
SPEAKER_01
And I love that, right?
8
SPEAKER_01
And I think the question you just asked is the question you re asking yourself, which is why your life is going in the right direction.
8
SPEAKER_01
Because the question isn t, where do you want to be in a year?
8
SPEAKER_01
What do you want to achieve?
8
SPEAKER_01
Because
8
SPEAKER_01
that starts to like set, you know, there s usefulness in that.
8
SPEAKER_01
I m not saying it s not useful, but the internal question is far more gratifying.
8
SPEAKER_01
So you re giving me something to chase and pursue.
8
SPEAKER_00
It s awesome to have goals and dreams, but I think what s more important is focusing on the person you become on a consistent basis to create those dreams.
8
SPEAKER_00
And also being so proud
8
SPEAKER_00
and at peace of who you ve become, even if the dreams don t come true.
8
SPEAKER_00
And there s been a lot of things that I ve chased after where the dreams didn t come true, but the life was a dream come true.
8
SPEAKER_00
Who I got to meet, what I got to experience, what I overcame, the lessons I learned, the memories I created.
8
SPEAKER_00
Certain dreams didn t come true, but it was a dream come true.
8
SPEAKER_01
Totally, totally.
8
SPEAKER_01
And oh, I love that.
8
SPEAKER_01
I love that so much.
8
SPEAKER_01
That s such a like, that s such a powerful statement.
8
SPEAKER_01
And it s so true.
8
SPEAKER_01
Like I ve, I ve so many projects that haven t worked out.
8
SPEAKER_01
It didn t work out.
8
SPEAKER_01
So many pitches, even we went to some pitches together that you set up for me that didn t work out.
8
SPEAKER_01
But the network I built through that relationship building, the connections.
8
SPEAKER_00
Who you became.
8
SPEAKER_01
Who I became.
8
SPEAKER_00
What you learned.
8
SPEAKER_01
The skills I had to learn, like.
8
SPEAKER_00
There s so many, you know, there was, there was a lot of things.
8
SPEAKER_00
I ll give an example.
8
SPEAKER_00
There was a lot of goals that I accomplished as an athlete that I was extremely proud of.
8
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, man, I set an intention for this goal 10 years prior and I made it happen.
8
SPEAKER_00
But there were certain goals, like I wanted to be an Olympic athlete, right?
8
SPEAKER_00
And for eight and a half years, I played with the USA national team and I never made the Olympics, right?
8
SPEAKER_00
And I haven t played with the team for about three years since right before the pandemic.
8
SPEAKER_00
And I can look back and say, I spent eight and a half years of my life
8
SPEAKER_00
Sacrificing, committing, dedicated, disciplined, traveling the world, spending time, money and energy playing a game to represent the USA, to try to make the Olympics.
8
SPEAKER_00
And I failed it and I fell short.
8
SPEAKER_00
Or I can look at it as, man,
8
SPEAKER_00
What a life journey and experience I got to have for eight and a half years.
8
SPEAKER_00
I have so many great friends, memories.
8
SPEAKER_00
I traveled the world, wearing USA across my chest, getting to play against Olympians as a, you know, 35, 67 year old.
8
SPEAKER_00
I was like, I didn t accomplish the dream, but it was still a dream come true.
8
SPEAKER_00
And I think when we look back on things that didn t work out,
8
SPEAKER_00
but find the meaning and the memory and the magic in those experiences, it s still an incredibly beautiful life.
8
SPEAKER_01
The meaning, the memory and the magic.
8
SPEAKER_01
I love that.
8
SPEAKER_01
I love that because often we look for meaning, but you re so right, the memory and the magic.
8
SPEAKER_01
Lewis, how s everyone?
8
SPEAKER_01
Lewis, that was, that was special, man.
8
SPEAKER_01
That was really beautiful.
8
SPEAKER_01
I want everyone who s listening and watching right now to go and grab a copy of this book, The Greatness Mindset, Unlock the Power of Your Mind and Live Your Best Life Today.
8
SPEAKER_01
It s available right now.
8
SPEAKER_01
If you re listening to this episode, make sure you go grab it.
8
SPEAKER_01
Where would you like them to get it from apart from obviously Barnes and Noble, Amazon?
8
SPEAKER_01
Anyway, yeah, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, wherever.
8
SPEAKER_01
Perfect, yeah.
8
SPEAKER_01
Make sure you go grab a copy.
8
SPEAKER_01
The audiobook as well is in Lewis s voice.
8
SPEAKER_01
Lewis reads the audio, so make sure you go and grab the audio if you like listening to books as well, because I know so many of you are audio listeners.
8
SPEAKER_01
And follow Lewis on YouTube.
8
SPEAKER_01
Subscribe to his podcast, The School of Greatness, and follow him on Instagram, on TikTok, on Twitter, on every single social media platform that you use.
8
SPEAKER_01
As you saw today, Lewis practices what he preaches and also what he shares is highly life-changing.
8
SPEAKER_01
So make sure you go and grab it.
8
SPEAKER_00
I appreciate it, man.
8
SPEAKER_00
And real quick before you finish it, I appreciate you talking about the book and I want to give a call to action to people.
8
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, please.
8
SPEAKER_00
If you re going to buy my book, which I m deeply grateful for, I want to see if you haven t bought Jay s book yet.
8
SPEAKER_00
Make sure to buy both of us at the same time.
8
SPEAKER_00
Take a screenshot.
8
SPEAKER_00
I love that.
8
SPEAKER_00
And tag both of us on Instagram, letting us know that you got both books at the same time.
8
SPEAKER_01
That would be so cool.
8
SPEAKER_00
That ll be awesome.
8
SPEAKER_00
I love that.
8
SPEAKER_00
And I m sure we ll reshare some of those on Instagram.
8
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I d love to.
8
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
8
SPEAKER_00
Buy it on Amazon, take a screenshot, or if you got them both in your hands, do that.
8
SPEAKER_00
Put it on Instagram for us to see, and we ll share both of those out.
8
SPEAKER_01
I love it.
8
SPEAKER_01
I love it.
8
SPEAKER_01
Lewis, thank you so much, man.
8
SPEAKER_00
Thanks, brother.
8
SPEAKER_00
Appreciate you, man.
8
SPEAKER_01
So grateful, brother.
8
SPEAKER_01
So grateful.
8
SPEAKER_01
If you love this episode, you ll love my interview with Kobe Bryant on how to be strategic and obsessive to find your purpose.
9
SPEAKER_02
Like how to start planning for retirement, creating a healthy skincare routine, understanding when and how much to tip someone, and so much more.
9
SPEAKER_01
Let s learn about all of it and then some.
9
SPEAKER_01
Listen to Grown Up Stuff How to Adult on America s number one podcast network, iHeart.
9
SPEAKER_01
Open your free iHeart app and search Grown Up Stuff.