0
SPEAKER_00
Knowing how to speak and understand a new language can be an invaluable tool when traveling, meeting new friends, or just even to master a new skill.
0
SPEAKER_00
But it s not always simple when you re bogged down by textbooks and structure classes.
0
SPEAKER_00
That s why so many people trust Rosetta Stone.
0
SPEAKER_00
Rosetta Stone is the most trusted language learning program available on desktop or as an app.
0
SPEAKER_00
It truly immerses you in the language you want to learn, like Spanish, French, Italian, Chinese, and more.
0
SPEAKER_00
You won t just be studying English translations.
0
SPEAKER_00
The Rosetta Stone intuitive process
0
SPEAKER_00
helps you pick up a language naturally, first with words, then phrases, then sentences.
0
SPEAKER_00
Don t put off learning that language.
0
SPEAKER_00
There s no better time than right now to get started.
0
SPEAKER_00
For a very limited time, listeners can get Rosetta Stone s lifetime membership for 50% off.
0
SPEAKER_00
Visit rosettastone.com slash rs10.
0
SPEAKER_00
That s 50% off unlimited access to 25 language courses for the rest of your life.
0
SPEAKER_00
Redeem your 50% off at rosettastone.com slash rs10 today.
0
SPEAKER_02
Was that intentional, like a Michael Jackson thing?
0
SPEAKER_03
Dana, it s called The Future.
0
SPEAKER_03
And I was the Kanye of that premiere.
0
SPEAKER_03
And I have work boots, which work well.
0
SPEAKER_03
My coat doesn t fit.
0
SPEAKER_02
Do you have a starter joke?
0
SPEAKER_02
Three, two, one.
0
SPEAKER_03
No, I will start this off by showing you a video.
0
SPEAKER_02
Little energy.
0
SPEAKER_02
You re going to show a video?
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, I m going to try because we re on video.
0
SPEAKER_03
We re on video, so I want to show it.
0
SPEAKER_03
I have my first SNL audition and I don t think you saw it.
0
SPEAKER_03
And I said, let s start this with something to talk about.
0
SPEAKER_02
So I tried to watch it in Lorne s office and then he goes, there s better things to talk about.
0
SPEAKER_02
He clicked it off.
0
SPEAKER_02
So I never saw it.
0
SPEAKER_03
This is it, ready?
0
SPEAKER_03
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_03
Because I want to show that I can sing and I m not one dimensional.
0
SPEAKER_00
You look great.
0
SPEAKER_03
I added that fake plant at the end.
0
SPEAKER_02
That was good.
0
SPEAKER_02
I didn t know you could do that.
0
SPEAKER_02
The surprise is I m going to be in my arsenal next week.
0
SPEAKER_02
Your actual audition, what was your first joke?
0
SPEAKER_03
My first, oh, when I did, I think my old joke when I used to do my act, which I think is still in it.
0
SPEAKER_03
I bought a new car.
0
SPEAKER_03
Well, it s not really new, it s an old UPS truck.
0
SPEAKER_03
I got it so I can park wherever I want.
0
SPEAKER_03
That s not bad.
0
SPEAKER_02
I think I remember that when you were my Oprah, by the way, a dandy little opener, when we toured the Northeast.
0
SPEAKER_03
In a rental car.
0
SPEAKER_02
I remember that line.
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, that was one of my big ones.
0
SPEAKER_03
I looked young back then, not this haggard fucking,
0
SPEAKER_03
Nick Nolte after the dryer cycle that you see.
0
SPEAKER_02
I talked to Betty Davis s granddaughter.
0
SPEAKER_02
Lighting is everything.
0
SPEAKER_02
We re going to talk later.
0
SPEAKER_02
You re going to have to.
0
SPEAKER_02
You look great.
0
SPEAKER_02
What are you doing?
0
SPEAKER_03
I just want to preen and go on.
0
SPEAKER_03
My every time I walk by a mirror, my dad used to go see anybody you like.
0
SPEAKER_03
Oh, we also have professional laughers on the set.
0
SPEAKER_03
We should introduce this.
0
SPEAKER_02
Oh, yeah.
0
SPEAKER_02
We brought them in there.
0
SPEAKER_02
The Professional Laughers Union, the president, Heather Santoro and Chris Rios, who s also a beauty consultant to the stars and others.
0
SPEAKER_03
And so they are going to be laughing when we point.
0
SPEAKER_02
OK, so I m going to start off.
0
SPEAKER_02
You can t see them, but they ve been laughing their ass off the whole time.
0
SPEAKER_02
The audience can t see.
0
SPEAKER_03
I think we talk because we talk all the hot topics.
0
SPEAKER_03
Let s talk about this Johnny Depp trial.
0
SPEAKER_02
Let s just let s do it for Hot Topics.
0
SPEAKER_02
No, John.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, we re going.
0
SPEAKER_03
No, I m just kidding.
0
SPEAKER_03
We re going backwards.
0
SPEAKER_03
No, I m going to tell you quickly.
0
SPEAKER_03
What do you got?
0
SPEAKER_03
Because this podcast would do better if it was a Taylor Swift chat room.
0
SPEAKER_03
So I think we re going to open with Super Bowl stuff because a couple of things I have to say about it before we get to Taylor, because she is.
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, Taylor s the whole.
0
SPEAKER_03
Super Bowl Taylor Swift Taylor Swift, so Taylor Swift one thing I think that no one s talking about enough Is that why is the Super Bowl still having Roman numerals after it?
0
SPEAKER_03
You think kids are dumb when you have regular numbers in front of who what kid is isn t going V X X. They don t know what that is
0
SPEAKER_02
No, that s a really good point.
0
SPEAKER_02
It always has driven me nuts.
0
SPEAKER_02
I think, like, outrage over things that don t really matter is great.
0
SPEAKER_02
It s like, what the fuck is with the numeral fucking numbers in the Super Bowl?
0
SPEAKER_02
Just to get really angry.
0
SPEAKER_03
It s a controversial stance, but that s what we re here for.
0
SPEAKER_02
Taylor Swift.
0
SPEAKER_02
I m feeding the algorithm right now.
0
SPEAKER_02
I don t think the algorithm picks up audio, though.
0
SPEAKER_02
How about this one?
0
SPEAKER_02
New nickname for the super couple, Tay-Tay and Kel-Kel.
0
SPEAKER_03
Uh-oh.
0
SPEAKER_02
We re pulling them up.
0
SPEAKER_03
Also, I don t like any Instagram puberty.
0
SPEAKER_03
I don t like sounds like pubes.
0
SPEAKER_03
And I also don t like everything is all caps with them.
0
SPEAKER_03
This is the fucking Kanye Instagram because it s like Taylor Swift.
0
SPEAKER_03
I read it with all that excitement and I m like, I don t, I do care.
0
SPEAKER_02
Well, you know, you could be doing pretty well in America.
0
SPEAKER_02
You you could make a pretty good amount of money.
0
SPEAKER_02
And then no matter what, you re just shrunken down.
0
SPEAKER_02
She made two billion dollars.
0
SPEAKER_02
That just said she generates three hundred and thirty one million dollars for Kansas City if she just goes to the city.
0
SPEAKER_02
Was that what it meant?
0
SPEAKER_03
How many times can she go to the subway there or whatever?
0
SPEAKER_03
They have the fucking Jimmy John s.
0
SPEAKER_02
I mean, come on.
0
SPEAKER_03
Thirty three million.
0
SPEAKER_03
How many times can she go?
0
SPEAKER_02
Three hundred and thirty three million of generated because people just hear she s in Kansas City and get in their car and start flooring.
0
SPEAKER_03
And they just say they Venmo Kansas City, just money.
0
SPEAKER_02
They re like Taylor Swift put 10 people in a crazy eight hotel.
0
SPEAKER_02
Each room has 10 people.
0
SPEAKER_02
They re drinking and partying.
0
SPEAKER_03
I have another big controversial stance.
0
SPEAKER_03
Let s say, first of all, did you know at the Super Bowl at halftime, Taylor Swift is going to decide the election.
0
SPEAKER_03
She walks out and picks a candidate and then they just win because why bother voting?
0
SPEAKER_03
She pointed and they went.
0
SPEAKER_03
So that s good.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_02
And then, and then her boyfriend picks her up and goes hip, hip, hooray.
0
SPEAKER_02
Cause 6 5 , 250, 5 11 , 125, do the math.
0
SPEAKER_02
What is their kid going to look like, David?
0
SPEAKER_02
Cause they re going to have a kid six, five, two 50.
0
SPEAKER_02
That s dad.
0
SPEAKER_03
What if she does like a Beyonce?
0
SPEAKER_03
And when they win the super bowl, they pan over to her and everyone gives her a little room.
0
SPEAKER_03
And then she rubs her stomach.
0
SPEAKER_03
Like I m pregnant.
0
SPEAKER_03
Everyone goes, Holy fucking shit.
0
SPEAKER_03
And then they jizz all over the screen.
0
SPEAKER_03
All of America.
0
SPEAKER_02
Well, your screen looks like it has some mice on it.
0
SPEAKER_02
So I don t know if that was literal or figurative.
0
SPEAKER_02
There s a vague sheen over his camera, ladies and gentlemen.
0
SPEAKER_02
It s twice a day.
0
SPEAKER_02
I got to come out there for the porn.
0
SPEAKER_02
I was going to tackle the other big story of the week.
0
SPEAKER_02
Brad Pitt facelift.
0
SPEAKER_02
And I do this news, I m gonna do it as a Beatle, because it s called Beatle News.
0
SPEAKER_02
You gotta have a name for your thing.
0
SPEAKER_01
Hello, everybody.
0
SPEAKER_01
This is Beastle News and we re talking about things here.
0
SPEAKER_01
We re talking about some people think that Brad Pitt got a sucker upper.
0
SPEAKER_01
Got a sucker upper.
0
SPEAKER_01
You know, you take the turkey neck, you know, and you clinch it up and you cinch it off.
0
SPEAKER_01
You trim the little extras.
0
SPEAKER_01
You wrap it around the ears, you know, and you go walking about.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m Brad Pitt.
0
SPEAKER_02
You look great now.
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, what happened?
0
SPEAKER_03
Why is it working?
0
SPEAKER_03
We re gonna look back at this and not laugh, but go, remember when they only gave us one and then they canceled it?
0
SPEAKER_02
Remember when we shot the pilot and it was unusable?
0
SPEAKER_03
Oh, here s another thing, Dan.
0
SPEAKER_03
When the kids hate billionaires, this is heavy, you can step out of this one if you want.
0
SPEAKER_03
When kids are so mad at billionaires and then you go, oh, Taylor Swift is a billionaire now, do you have to automatically hate her?
0
SPEAKER_02
Well, you can adjust.
0
SPEAKER_02
Like, as you know, Bernie Sanders used to go, the problem with America is the millionaires and the billionaires.
0
SPEAKER_02
And then he found out, and this is true, Al Franken told me this, he found out he was a millionaire.
0
SPEAKER_02
So the next stump speech, it s the billionaires, you idiots.
0
SPEAKER_02
The fucking billionaires.
0
SPEAKER_02
What about the millionaires?
0
SPEAKER_02
They re great.
0
SPEAKER_02
They re good guys.
0
SPEAKER_03
I bled into a little bit of Fauci.
0
SPEAKER_03
Oh yeah, that was a little scratchy Fauci.
0
SPEAKER_03
They re about the same, they re both.
0
SPEAKER_02
90.
0
SPEAKER_02
No, I do him as a crosswalk guard.
0
SPEAKER_02
That s how I get into the voice.
0
SPEAKER_02
Bernie Sanders is a crosswalk guard.
0
SPEAKER_02
It s don t proceed.
0
SPEAKER_02
Don t proceed.
0
SPEAKER_02
The system s rigged.
0
SPEAKER_02
Don t proceed.
0
SPEAKER_02
It s the don t that gets me into that.
0
SPEAKER_02
I like it.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s like me Paul.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s like me Paul was a bit off for a bit.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m coming back.
0
SPEAKER_02
Sorry.
0
SPEAKER_02
I can do voices now and no one can stop me.
0
SPEAKER_02
We don t have some pesky guest.
0
SPEAKER_03
We have the easy last round back there, but you re really nailing it.
0
SPEAKER_02
Who are you taking in the Superbowl?
0
SPEAKER_02
Can I just ask, who are you taking?
1
SPEAKER_00
You know, I do.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think that it s not a three minute.
1
SPEAKER_00
Here s here s one.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s it s one team or the other.
1
SPEAKER_00
I can t say because we have so many fans and they ll get mad.
1
SPEAKER_00
But well, you re going to take San Fran.
1
SPEAKER_00
I know this.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, I want to insert two comedians that have talked about football who hate sports.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s just they make me laugh.
1
SPEAKER_01
So Jay Leno talking about football, he d come into the game and everyone s in there with their beer and watching the game and screaming.
1
SPEAKER_01
And he would always say, who s ahead?
1
SPEAKER_01
The red or the yellows?
1
SPEAKER_01
It s kind of he just thought it was just colors.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then Jerry Seinfeld said the players move around so much.
1
SPEAKER_01
Eventually, you re just rooting for clothes, laundry.
1
SPEAKER_00
I would say that I have another analogy not to go into this whole Taylor Swift algo, because I do like Taylor Swift.
1
SPEAKER_01
You mean Tay-Tay?
1
SPEAKER_00
Tay-Tay and Kel-Kel.
1
SPEAKER_00
Kel-Kel.
1
SPEAKER_00
So I sort of try to make this analogy and then it doesn t make any sense.
1
SPEAKER_00
But let s say the reason why guys get somewhat annoyed, let s say we went to a Taylor Swift concert and talked about football whispering the whole time.
1
SPEAKER_00
And that would bother them.
1
SPEAKER_00
But Taylor Swift fans are probably nicer.
1
SPEAKER_00
But when you go to a guy s game of football, you forget that 90% of them are degenerate gamblers.
1
SPEAKER_00
And that doesn t just mean, which a common man would think, or a woman, oh, we have to be quiet, because they re betting on the winner of the game.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh no, they bet on every goddamn play.
1
SPEAKER_00
Is it gonna be a sweep?
1
SPEAKER_00
Is it gonna be a button hook?
1
SPEAKER_00
Is it gonna be a sucker trap?
1
SPEAKER_00
And you bet every play, everything, who s gonna hold the football, who s they gonna kick it to, how many catches they get.
1
SPEAKER_00
So you have to be so riveted to that game, you can t be distracted.
1
SPEAKER_00
And that s why I think people get a little itchy about the Taylor talk.
1
SPEAKER_00
But other than that, I welcome it.
1
SPEAKER_00
See how I came back around and I m like, she s great.
1
SPEAKER_00
She s great.
1
SPEAKER_00
We met her at the SNL 40th.
1
SPEAKER_00
She was super sweet.
1
SPEAKER_00
Very pretty.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
How does it feel to be backpedaling?
1
SPEAKER_00
I m not really backpedaling.
1
SPEAKER_00
I ve always said she did.
1
SPEAKER_00
She was in Buh-bye.
1
SPEAKER_00
She had one line and she came over.
1
SPEAKER_01
She s great.
1
SPEAKER_01
She s great.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I don t have any problem with her.
1
SPEAKER_01
There s so many things going on in the world.
1
SPEAKER_01
The idea of just fucking Taylor Swift, man, drives me nuts.
1
SPEAKER_00
And they re like, what about Iran?
1
SPEAKER_00
And you re like, who cares?
1
SPEAKER_00
This Taylor thing.
1
SPEAKER_01
Drives me, I mean, come on, lighten up.
1
SPEAKER_00
I mean, let s unpack this.
1
SPEAKER_00
Where s this outrage coming from?
1
SPEAKER_00
I m jumping over to the Golden Bachelor.
1
SPEAKER_00
I have one thing to say about it since it s already been over for a while.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay, I ll take five minutes off.
1
SPEAKER_00
No, it s only one thing.
1
SPEAKER_01
I watch the History Channel, okay?
1
SPEAKER_01
I like to be educated.
1
SPEAKER_00
No, and I didn t even see it.
1
SPEAKER_00
I only watched 11 episodes of it, but... You ve hosted it, so relax.
1
SPEAKER_01
You ve got Craig.
1
SPEAKER_00
Go ahead.
1
SPEAKER_00
I say The Golden Bachelor, and everyone s really pulling for this guy.
1
SPEAKER_00
This is the last week I can do this show because now it s only seven weeks late, but and he s like, however old, which isn t that old in real life.
1
SPEAKER_00
And he looks better than me and he s about, you know, 80.
1
SPEAKER_00
So he s out there and he does look good.
1
SPEAKER_00
And his big sob story is.
1
SPEAKER_00
My wife passed away, sad, I ll give him that.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then he said, I haven t dated since.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I wanted to kind of come back into the scene and, you know, plow 30 chicks.
1
SPEAKER_00
So it was like, oh great, this is such a cute story.
1
SPEAKER_00
So he comes back and he s gonna ramrod his way through all these poor women who, I didn t even make fun of that because everyone at that age, like just trying to find a nice person, it s hard to crap on them.
1
SPEAKER_00
They re not 22 and desperate.
1
SPEAKER_00
They re just like nice people.
1
SPEAKER_01
They re not carnal in the same way they were in their 20s.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, not like you.
1
SPEAKER_00
What?
1
SPEAKER_00
So the word got out.
1
SPEAKER_00
So the word got out.
1
SPEAKER_00
They go, oh, he s such a great guy.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then right toward the end, they go, hey, some woman came out and said, oh, after his wife died, I dated him for nine months.
1
SPEAKER_00
And they asked him, he s like, oh, yeah, that s geezer.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, he doesn t even give a shit.
1
SPEAKER_00
He s like, oh, oh, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
No, but that was nothing.
1
SPEAKER_00
That was just like a hit it and quit it situation.
1
SPEAKER_00
Dine and dash.
1
SPEAKER_00
And they re like,
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, so you re just a regular guy.
1
SPEAKER_00
Got it.
1
SPEAKER_00
You re not quite the angel.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, wait a minute, David.
1
SPEAKER_01
Let me unpack this.
1
SPEAKER_01
You re saying television presented something that wasn t quite real?
1
SPEAKER_01
Are you going to go on record with that?
1
SPEAKER_01
I am because... Are you going to commit to sometimes reality shows aren t exactly... I m easily tricked because I watch these shows and I want it to be real.
1
SPEAKER_00
I want them to find romance.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, because you re a good person.
1
SPEAKER_01
You would never trick people like that and the monsters in the game.
1
SPEAKER_01
No.
1
SPEAKER_01
All right, here s a quick one, because everyone does Trump.
1
SPEAKER_01
Here s my angle on Trump.
1
SPEAKER_01
He s out in the stump, and he starts listing the people he s going to go after.
1
SPEAKER_01
You know, it s really funny to me.
1
SPEAKER_01
We re going to go, and then again, we re going to go after the communists, the Marxists, the neo-Marxists, the socialists, the far-left fake news media, the deep state, and the state behind the deep state, the deepest state of all.
1
SPEAKER_01
We call it the deep six.
1
SPEAKER_01
You imagine that?
1
SPEAKER_01
We call it the deep six.
1
SPEAKER_01
We re going to take out the vagabonds, the pirates and the witches, the termites and the solomites.
1
SPEAKER_01
The Amish have got to go.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m telling you that they got to go.
1
SPEAKER_01
And we re taking out Poland.
1
SPEAKER_01
I never liked it.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s a creepy place.
1
SPEAKER_00
We re taking out Deep Purple, the band.
1
SPEAKER_00
I can listen to Trump forever.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s so fucking funny to hear you just talk about Trump.
1
SPEAKER_01
We re doing things.
1
SPEAKER_01
She always goes in the middle of this.
1
SPEAKER_01
He reads the teleprompter.
1
SPEAKER_01
He goes, can you imagine that?
1
SPEAKER_01
You imagine that you ve heard of that, right?
1
SPEAKER_01
They re going to build a wall.
1
SPEAKER_01
We re going to build a second wall.
1
SPEAKER_01
You can do a second wall.
1
SPEAKER_01
I didn t know it, but but they can do it in the breathing.
1
SPEAKER_00
Now let s go to a video bit.
1
SPEAKER_00
Ready?
1
SPEAKER_00
Because there s really no rules here.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m just going to show you.
1
SPEAKER_00
First of all, the setup is I was such a premiere whore back during SNL.
1
SPEAKER_00
You didn t do this as much, but I was so juiced with fame that I was like, I got a little smidge of fame and I was like, oh God, I m getting invited to premieres.
1
SPEAKER_00
Hey, do you want to see Mission Impossible with Tom Cruise?
1
SPEAKER_00
A week ahead, bring your friend or bring someone from the cast.
1
SPEAKER_00
Cool.
1
SPEAKER_00
Super fun.
1
SPEAKER_00
But I went to way too many because there s Instagrams.
1
SPEAKER_00
where they go, hey, remember this premiere?
1
SPEAKER_00
And here s everyone that was there.
1
SPEAKER_00
And it always, I m fucking in there.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I don t even remember.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I have some rope belt.
1
SPEAKER_00
I look like shit every time.
1
SPEAKER_00
So let s go down memory lane.
1
SPEAKER_00
I pulled a few of these and let s pull up just random ones.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I ll tell you what I was thinking.
1
SPEAKER_00
They re not all bad.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s just, okay, this one is fucking great.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t even know if we should start with, it s so good.
1
SPEAKER_00
That this one is for.
1
SPEAKER_00
I have a key here.
1
SPEAKER_00
This is speed.
1
SPEAKER_01
You look great.
1
SPEAKER_00
This is speed with Keanu.
1
SPEAKER_00
That might be behind me either.
1
SPEAKER_00
No, I think Judd Nelson maybe.
1
SPEAKER_01
Is that a summer?
1
SPEAKER_00
It doesn t matter to me when I have a look.
1
SPEAKER_00
I lock it in and it could be.
1
SPEAKER_00
You ve got the game any weather.
1
SPEAKER_00
So I ve got cargo shorts.
1
SPEAKER_00
I ve got one blue sock, which is actually pretty cool.
1
SPEAKER_01
Was that intentional, like a Michael Jackson thing?
1
SPEAKER_00
Dana, it s called The Future.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I was the Kanye of that premiere.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I have work boots, which were cool.
1
SPEAKER_00
I had those.
1
SPEAKER_00
My coat doesn t fit.
1
SPEAKER_00
That would maybe work now.
1
SPEAKER_00
Did not work then.
1
SPEAKER_00
I thought it fit.
1
SPEAKER_01
I think it s totally hip.
1
SPEAKER_00
And it has a corduroy collar.
1
SPEAKER_00
Thought it d fit, didn t fit.
1
SPEAKER_00
The glasses I fucking hate, I can t stand.
1
SPEAKER_00
I have my speed premiere ticket in my hand, but you can t really see it.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I m holding a hat, all stupid.
1
SPEAKER_00
All right, next one.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, wait a minute, you re wearing the sunglasses indoor?
1
SPEAKER_00
No, it was the lights day, and I m getting, I m like, I can t take it.
1
SPEAKER_01
No, I was thinking, very cool.
1
SPEAKER_01
I wouldn t have the guts to do that at that age.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay, which one s it?
1
SPEAKER_00
This is Farrell s, this is- Same sunglasses.
1
SPEAKER_00
Maybe.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think so.
1
SPEAKER_00
Look it, we both went to the tinted sunglass store.
1
SPEAKER_00
I guess Tinted was in, I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_00
Farley always looked pretty cool.
1
SPEAKER_00
This is true lies.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I m doing duck lips, and I m not even joking.
1
SPEAKER_00
I did them forever.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t even think they were around.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s a little bit of a jagger.
1
SPEAKER_00
No one was sick of them yet.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t know why I did it.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think it was just nervousness.
1
SPEAKER_00
That was a leather jacket I thought was so badass.
1
SPEAKER_00
Nothing fit me, not one thing fit me.
1
SPEAKER_00
Everything was big and I didn t know it.
1
SPEAKER_00
I thought they were all...
1
SPEAKER_00
fitting.
1
SPEAKER_00
You couldn t see it?
1
SPEAKER_00
I couldn t see it.
1
SPEAKER_00
And look, I m giving peace sign like straight ahead and kind of grossly.
1
SPEAKER_00
Farl s like... You know what he used to do?
1
SPEAKER_00
You guys got to back off the mic.
1
SPEAKER_00
They re too good.
1
SPEAKER_00
They re too good of laughers.
1
SPEAKER_00
They don t even need a joke.
1
SPEAKER_00
They just show these two idiots.
1
SPEAKER_00
But Dana, here s what Farl used to do.
1
SPEAKER_00
Remember this at premieres?
1
SPEAKER_00
They d take his picture and he goes, not now.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then he d say, take my picture.
1
SPEAKER_00
So dumb.
1
SPEAKER_00
So show another one.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, that was.
1
SPEAKER_00
I can t believe there s no day in any of this because you didn t you.
2
SPEAKER_01
You were like, oh, this is a great one.
2
SPEAKER_00
I didn t know I was too shy.
2
SPEAKER_00
I love this, this is.
2
SPEAKER_00
Now.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
Now you.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m just, I look cool.
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, he s, well, he s kind of like doing a character too in a way.
2
SPEAKER_00
With his glasses and the hair slicked.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s when he got cool.
2
SPEAKER_01
There was a point when he combed it back because Christian Slater did when he hosted.
2
SPEAKER_01
And so far it was next week.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I go, you re so gross.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s because he goes, Christian Slater did it.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I go, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
So he was always greasing it back.
2
SPEAKER_01
And look behind is Jay Moore.
2
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
2
SPEAKER_00
But wait a minute.
2
SPEAKER_00
This is after Tommy Boy.
2
SPEAKER_00
So you are a star.
2
SPEAKER_01
This is 95.
2
SPEAKER_01
Tommy Boy came out in 95.
2
SPEAKER_01
So it s around the same time.
2
SPEAKER_00
Because to have the guts to wear that hat with no irony, you have to be a star.
2
SPEAKER_01
That hat is, I still have it.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s so fucking cool.
2
SPEAKER_01
And the strings are hanging off.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I have a turtleneck.
2
SPEAKER_01
Turtlenecks were illegal for a couple of years.
2
SPEAKER_00
Hat fits well.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m just going to say the clothes seem to work fine.
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, you got a couple shillings in your pocket.
2
SPEAKER_00
Spain s starting to put the whole motif together of the junior superstar.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
When we went to the premiere of Tommy Boy in London, we thought we were famous.
2
SPEAKER_01
It was so sickening.
2
SPEAKER_01
He s like, dude, what if everybody knows us?
2
SPEAKER_01
We get hounded.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m like,
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, it s not exactly Beatlemania.
2
SPEAKER_01
No one even knows who we are at all, and they don t even get the show over there.
2
SPEAKER_01
So we go over on the Concord, no less.
2
SPEAKER_00
I did.
2
SPEAKER_01
And it s like this land.
2
SPEAKER_01
So it took 90 minutes.
2
SPEAKER_01
We get there.
2
SPEAKER_01
He brings a fucking shalala because he stopped by.
2
SPEAKER_01
Ireland.
2
SPEAKER_01
He goes, it s lucky.
2
SPEAKER_01
So we bring the shillelagh out.
2
SPEAKER_01
We go out with hats and sunglasses.
2
SPEAKER_01
No one knows who we are.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s so embarrassing.
2
SPEAKER_00
Shillelagh?
2
SPEAKER_00
Shillelagh is like an Irish stick.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
For good luck.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then, and then no one knew.
2
SPEAKER_01
So we took off the hat and sunglasses.
2
SPEAKER_01
Then we went to plan a Hollywood so someone would know us.
2
SPEAKER_01
Sickening.
2
SPEAKER_01
We went to get noticed and no one did.
2
SPEAKER_01
And we re like, what the fuck?
2
SPEAKER_01
All right, next picture.
2
SPEAKER_00
I just have one question.
2
SPEAKER_00
While you were in that hat, did you ever do Wasco Wabbit or do any other?
2
SPEAKER_00
I want to get a Wasco Wabbit.
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, did you use that at all?
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t think so, because I thought it was cool.
2
SPEAKER_01
And so I didn t even want to joke about it.
2
SPEAKER_00
You really, okay, now we re getting into makeover time.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, this is 1999, this is Big Daddy.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah, yeah, this is Big Daddy, the TV show, what was it called?
2
SPEAKER_01
Big Daddy, oh, I was on Just Shoot Me.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I was on Just Shoot Me.
2
SPEAKER_01
I was doing good, it was up on the same night as like Frasier and Seinfeld, so we were in the mix.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Coat fits a little better, still does not fit, like it s not crazy, it doesn t fit.
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, I think the sleeves, well, no, the sleeves of the shirt go underneath.
2
SPEAKER_01
That shirt was a guest shirt.
2
SPEAKER_00
Can we ask Chris or Heather, do you guys think our hidden team of laughers, what do you think of that outfit?
2
SPEAKER_00
He looks a little more styled in this one.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
Much more styled.
2
SPEAKER_00
The hair is longer.
2
SPEAKER_00
Obviously, your teeth, you got your teeth done, quote unquote.
2
SPEAKER_01
I wish they were, they look good there.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I don t know what happened since.
2
SPEAKER_01
And look at, I ve got,
2
SPEAKER_01
Those are a bit of mom jeans in a way, but my shoes are cool.
2
SPEAKER_01
My shoes, because I got a bad neck, they would always kill me.
2
SPEAKER_01
I could only wear them to the premiere and then I d have to go back to Skechers or whatever that was back then.
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, mom jeans would be higher waisted than that, wouldn t they?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, a little bit, but these weren t... A little higher?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, that s a point.
2
SPEAKER_01
But okay, at least I m getting somewhere.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay, next one.
2
SPEAKER_01
These are all like flashcards.
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t know what s next.
2
SPEAKER_01
because i m it you don t even know it s oh okay okay now we re david 2.0 this is a brand new guy this is jesus someone s been watching too many kurt cobain videos in this one i have a fog hat shirt on uh um that was punch drunk love
2
SPEAKER_01
Mm, that s Julie Bowen.
2
SPEAKER_01
She looks great.
2
SPEAKER_01
She was great.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, right.
2
SPEAKER_00
She was sort of you dated for a while.
2
SPEAKER_00
Is that they call it you dated.
2
SPEAKER_01
And you know what I ve learned from wearing guy liner is it does.
2
SPEAKER_01
It makes your eyes look too skinny.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like I can t even see.
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t know why I have it on a Corey Felb.
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I don t know what I saw.
2
SPEAKER_01
I have faded purple cords on.
2
SPEAKER_01
I thought those were cool.
2
SPEAKER_00
Right, but do you have eyeliner on?
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
You mean like mascara?
2
SPEAKER_01
I say it with no embarrassment.
2
SPEAKER_00
Do you have lipstick on?
2
SPEAKER_00
Yep.
2
SPEAKER_00
Do you have lipstick on?
2
SPEAKER_00
Are you wearing a bra?
2
SPEAKER_01
I just have rouge, lipstick, a bra, a training bra and a fucking thong.
2
SPEAKER_00
And a G-string.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, it s good that we get to know what s behind closed doors.
2
SPEAKER_00
Now, how old are you there?
2
SPEAKER_00
Eleven.
2
SPEAKER_01
No, by the way, poor Julie.
2
SPEAKER_01
She went there with me and I sure she took one look and was like, we re not doing the fucking press line, are we?
2
SPEAKER_01
I m like, oh yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, yes, we are.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay, keep going.
2
SPEAKER_01
I think there s just a couple more.
2
SPEAKER_01
We can get rid of some of these if they re bombing.
2
SPEAKER_01
They re kind of funny, just talking about, oh, who s this fucking grizzled mountain man?
2
SPEAKER_00
That is still Kurt Cobain, right?
2
SPEAKER_00
Wouldn t he wear those?
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, he d be spinning in his grave if he s... By the way, is this the first time the Scruffs showed up?
2
SPEAKER_01
I, yeah, I got a little scruffy and I had a, I never wear a beanie.
2
SPEAKER_01
It gives me a headache.
2
SPEAKER_01
I actually don t like them, but I wore a beanie because it was tough hair day, zipped up leather jacket, a flannel shirt.
2
SPEAKER_01
I used to love that flannel shirt.
2
SPEAKER_01
Of course my jeans are trashed and they re not trash from doing too much, you know, hiking and lifting boulders.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s like I bought them for $9,000 and they were already all distressed.
2
SPEAKER_00
Would you have possibly had a 38 revolver in your lower back?
2
SPEAKER_00
Does that guy carry a gun or a knife?
2
SPEAKER_01
No, he carries a buck knife and he stabs you and then he fucking puts you in an arm hole.
2
SPEAKER_00
It looks like kind of a tough guy ready to fight.
2
SPEAKER_01
I was kind of like mad that they re taking a picture, but I go into the press line and then I m like, what the fuck do you guys want?
2
SPEAKER_01
And like, well, you re in a step and repeat.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I think, you know, you know what that guy is saying to everybody?
2
SPEAKER_00
What are you looking at?
2
SPEAKER_00
What?
2
SPEAKER_00
What are you looking at?
2
SPEAKER_00
That s what you re saying right there.
2
SPEAKER_00
What the fuck are you looking at?
2
SPEAKER_01
I m like Rambo.
2
SPEAKER_01
All right, we ll get off this.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s Alpha.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s Alpha, right?
2
SPEAKER_01
OK, that s halfway through the photos.
2
SPEAKER_00
And now we have a current spades of premier horror.
2
SPEAKER_01
I will tell you what I did recently and then I ll let you go, Dana, but I m not letting you go anywhere.
2
SPEAKER_00
I have nowhere to go.
2
SPEAKER_01
I remember when you heard that I gave this Burger King guy some money.
2
SPEAKER_01
Do you remember this story?
2
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_01
And it started a whole thing.
2
SPEAKER_01
My new thoughts on it.
2
SPEAKER_01
So the thing is, Burger King guy worked there 27 years.
2
SPEAKER_01
I saw him on fucking TikTok.
2
SPEAKER_01
And so I said, he was opening a present.
2
SPEAKER_01
He goes, I worked here 27 years, never missed a day.
2
SPEAKER_01
I was like, holy shit.
2
SPEAKER_01
He goes, and they gave me a gift from Burger King.
2
SPEAKER_01
And it was like a yo-yo and a Pokemon card and like $10 at Starbucks.
2
SPEAKER_01
So I go,
2
SPEAKER_01
That s it.
2
SPEAKER_01
And he was so happy that he got that.
2
SPEAKER_01
And he goes, I ll see you guys tomorrow, back at work.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, is he being sarcastic?
2
SPEAKER_01
And he wasn t.
2
SPEAKER_01
So his daughter made a GoFundMe saying, get this guy a vacation, he s busting his fucking ass.
2
SPEAKER_01
So he needed, it was like 15 grand.
2
SPEAKER_01
So it was close, something like that.
2
SPEAKER_01
So I put up five grand, got him over the hump to 15, whatever.
2
SPEAKER_01
So they tell TMZ.
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, wait a minute, it says over underwhelming, five grand?
2
SPEAKER_01
Wait.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, his.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
God, thank you, Jesus.
2
SPEAKER_00
OK, I was thinking that s that s.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, that was back then.
2
SPEAKER_01
OK, so I.
2
SPEAKER_01
I give him some money, so he gets to his 15, and then his daughter tells TMZ, so they do a story about him.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then the next week, he s up to like 40 grand.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m like, holy shit.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then he goes on the Today Show, and they re like, so David Spade helped, and then he s DMing me, and I m like, hey, you did a great job.
2
SPEAKER_01
He s like, is that really you that gave it to me?
2
SPEAKER_01
I go, yeah, man, nobody works hard anymore.
2
SPEAKER_01
So blah, blah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Then he keeps going.
2
SPEAKER_01
Then he comes to my show in Vegas.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then it s been a year, Dana.
2
SPEAKER_01
And they go, Burger King guy just bought a house with this 450,000 he s up to.
2
SPEAKER_01
And and then I hit him up and I go, I think after 300 K, we split it, guy.
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, what are the rules?
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I feel like the house has to win a little bit.
2
SPEAKER_01
So how do I approach this?
2
SPEAKER_00
This is probably awkward and I shouldn t even say this, but you seem to have the Midas touch and I m just going to say this as a soft ask.
2
SPEAKER_00
Could you start a Kickstarter
3
SPEAKER_05
for me.
3
SPEAKER_05
Just saying.
3
SPEAKER_04
If it s going to go into seven figures, I could just ask.
3
SPEAKER_05
If it s going to quadrillion zoople, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_04
You may have the Midas touch.
3
SPEAKER_05
You know, the thing is... Your new nickname is Kickstarter.
3
SPEAKER_05
No, it s Great Guy Syndrome, and I have it, and I have a really bad case of it.
3
SPEAKER_04
And so, well, I d never heard this story before, but I m glad to.
3
SPEAKER_05
Isn t it good?
3
SPEAKER_05
You know that you re working with a good guy.
3
SPEAKER_05
So here we go.
3
SPEAKER_05
He gets to 50 grand.
3
SPEAKER_05
Then they go get them to a hundred grand.
3
SPEAKER_05
They raise it.
3
SPEAKER_05
Cause it s still pouring in, get them to a hundred and get this guy like an electric bike, you know, poor fucking guy.
3
SPEAKER_05
So they get to that.
3
SPEAKER_05
And then she s like, Hmm, let s put it to 200,000.
3
SPEAKER_05
So they just keep raising it.
3
SPEAKER_05
And the last I saw.
3
SPEAKER_05
They want to get it to a million.
3
SPEAKER_05
Oh, it s at $4.57.
3
SPEAKER_05
He wants a million so he can get four tickets to Taylor Swift.
3
SPEAKER_05
I like the paid fucking laughers.
3
SPEAKER_05
Give me a micro chortle on that.
3
SPEAKER_04
That s the closer.
3
SPEAKER_04
I didn t get picked up anywhere for my charitable work.
3
SPEAKER_04
It ll be quiet.
3
SPEAKER_05
You know what?
3
SPEAKER_05
You got to hire.
3
SPEAKER_05
I just stumbled in that because nobody knows.
3
SPEAKER_05
What I do, I like when they say, look at George Clooney gave this bum $100.
3
SPEAKER_05
And I go, well, if there s seven paparazzi guys walking by me, he s like, here you go.
3
SPEAKER_05
Can you get the hundred?
3
SPEAKER_05
Can you get me and the hundred in the shot?
3
SPEAKER_05
Can you get the guy s hand and me and the bum?
3
SPEAKER_05
Of course, there s a camera there.
3
SPEAKER_05
Not saying he s not a good guy, but there s a camera there.
3
SPEAKER_05
I m giving a guy, I m like, here s my coat.
3
SPEAKER_05
Get it.
3
SPEAKER_05
Did you get it?
3
SPEAKER_05
Come back a little later.
3
SPEAKER_05
Can I get that coat back?
3
SPEAKER_05
It was kind of a bit I was doing.
3
SPEAKER_04
I remember, yeah, Paul McCartney, when I first met him, he said, you know, I could go all over the world.
3
SPEAKER_04
All I have to do is go down to Fifth Avenue and drop me trousers.
3
SPEAKER_05
Oh, what does that mean?
3
SPEAKER_05
He d go all over the world and un-press?
3
SPEAKER_04
I go all over the world.
3
SPEAKER_04
So if you want to trend, if you want to start to trend, yeah, then we can figure that out for you.
3
SPEAKER_05
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_05
I got one more thing to ask you.
3
SPEAKER_05
OK, I keep saying one.
3
SPEAKER_04
I was out of stuff.
3
SPEAKER_04
Forty five minutes.
3
SPEAKER_04
Are you out of stuff?
3
SPEAKER_05
OK, my last thing that I ll say, I just don t know.
3
SPEAKER_04
I have stuff I can do.
3
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_05
Well, first of all, go ahead.
3
SPEAKER_05
I wanted to hear a red redneck.
3
SPEAKER_05
Do you have any loaded?
3
SPEAKER_04
Well.
3
SPEAKER_04
I, I can do a few red redneck.
3
SPEAKER_04
I was thinking because people I did this on a podcast I used to do, Chris Rios.
3
SPEAKER_04
Fantastic.
3
SPEAKER_04
But I haven t done it on this podcast much, have I?
3
SPEAKER_05
Well, this one s new, but the other one, Fly on the Wall, you ve done it once or twice, but it s a hit and people say it.
3
SPEAKER_04
On this one, I m Red Rednecky, the redneck comedian.
3
SPEAKER_04
You ever fart so loud, dog two stayed away and go, what that?
3
SPEAKER_04
Come and get some.
3
SPEAKER_04
That was the beginning.
3
SPEAKER_03
Where s come and get some?
3
SPEAKER_03
Oh, fuck.
3
SPEAKER_04
You ever fought so loud, dog too stayed away, go, what that?
3
SPEAKER_04
Come and get some.
3
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_04
I should get my own catchphrase.
3
SPEAKER_04
I know.
3
SPEAKER_04
Go ahead.
3
SPEAKER_04
It s just to get on the rhythm.
3
SPEAKER_04
Because what I want to do, I m going to do three of them, and then I m going to ask people to send in red, red, necky jokes, and then I will read their red, red, necky joke.
3
SPEAKER_04
And I ll do one that was sent in to Chris and I. You ever crapped so big you don t know going to get down that turret?
3
SPEAKER_04
Come and get some.
3
SPEAKER_04
So that s laying the groundwork.
3
SPEAKER_05
Sort of the level we re working at.
3
SPEAKER_05
You ever crap so big you don t know if it s going to get down the turlet?
3
SPEAKER_04
Get down that turlet.
3
SPEAKER_04
Go ahead.
3
SPEAKER_04
Come and get some.
3
SPEAKER_04
For people just hearing this for the first time, it s intentionally supposedly the worst comedian in the world.
3
SPEAKER_04
That is kind of the idea.
3
SPEAKER_04
But he s got a catchphrase and he s super famous.
3
SPEAKER_04
Well, things bad happen or things that don t seem so great.
3
SPEAKER_04
And then come and get some is the ultimate defiance.
3
SPEAKER_04
Come and get some.
3
SPEAKER_04
This is one that someone said in and I didn t.
3
SPEAKER_04
I did a rewrite on it, but I asked my mama to worship my daddy.
3
SPEAKER_04
What is she said?
3
SPEAKER_04
Sure thing.
3
SPEAKER_04
I said, how did it go?
3
SPEAKER_04
She said, great.
3
SPEAKER_04
I haven t seen skid marks like that since the Daytona 500.
3
SPEAKER_04
Come and get some.
3
SPEAKER_05
That s the longest one we got.
3
SPEAKER_04
That that s a pretty good one.
3
SPEAKER_04
i asked my mama what s for dinner she said roadkill i said what kind she said i gotta take a drive come and get some i think there s safety in knowing you re eventually gonna say come and get some right the two the most off-putting ones are the fart and the poo one but the rest are just basic basic kind of stuff you see if you get this one
3
SPEAKER_04
My grandpappy invented the phrase dollars to donuts.
3
SPEAKER_04
Every time he got a dollar, he bought a donut.
3
SPEAKER_04
He died at 27.
3
SPEAKER_04
Come and get some.
3
SPEAKER_04
Heart attack?
3
SPEAKER_04
I don t know what that is.
3
SPEAKER_00
Guess what, guys?
3
SPEAKER_00
People can write in.
3
SPEAKER_00
Superfly at odyssey.com if they want you to do more impressions or more from come and get some.
3
SPEAKER_04
Oh.
3
SPEAKER_04
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_04
Superfly at odyssey.com?
3
SPEAKER_04
Yes.
3
SPEAKER_05
Is that our email?
3
SPEAKER_04
Yes.
3
SPEAKER_04
And send it in so rednecky.
3
SPEAKER_04
And also, I m going to do a runner of Johnny Carson getting pulled over for drunk driving.
3
SPEAKER_04
And you can send in jokes for that.
3
SPEAKER_04
Oh, sorry, officer.
3
SPEAKER_02
Sorry, officer.
3
SPEAKER_02
I didn t know I was swerving.
3
SPEAKER_02
I had a tangerine torpedo at the cranky pigeon.
3
SPEAKER_02
Sorry, officer.
3
SPEAKER_02
I didn t know I was swerving.
3
SPEAKER_02
I had a dirty double banana daiquiri at the boozy glow.
3
SPEAKER_05
Boozy glow.
3
SPEAKER_05
Yeah, I like when they rhyme.
3
SPEAKER_05
The fucking purple nurple.
3
SPEAKER_02
It s the drinks.
3
SPEAKER_02
Here s one.
3
SPEAKER_02
Well, the original ones.
3
SPEAKER_02
I m sorry, officer.
3
SPEAKER_02
I didn t know I was swerving.
3
SPEAKER_02
I had two slippery monkeys at the hook and crook.
3
SPEAKER_02
I like that.
3
SPEAKER_05
I like when they rhyme.
3
SPEAKER_02
And here s one that s double.
3
SPEAKER_02
Sorry, officer.
3
SPEAKER_02
I didn t know I was swerving.
3
SPEAKER_02
I had five whiskey sours at the whiskey sour hut.
3
SPEAKER_05
That s a different way to go with it.
3
SPEAKER_04
It s a little, a little different.
3
SPEAKER_04
But if you, if you, anyone, anyone wants to send some in.
3
SPEAKER_04
I got one.
3
SPEAKER_05
Sorry officer.
3
SPEAKER_05
I, I, uh, I had a few, I had a banana daiquiri at the stinky pinky.
3
SPEAKER_04
That s sort of like That s almost like red rag now.
3
SPEAKER_05
I know I do it to you.
3
SPEAKER_05
You re too good this I m back to the Super Bowl, but not Taylor Swift.
3
SPEAKER_05
Nah.
3
SPEAKER_05
Yeah, that s what you think.
3
SPEAKER_05
No, there s also a football game.
3
SPEAKER_05
Okay, so here s what I m saying is I Saw a few Super Bowl commercials today, which is very odd.
3
SPEAKER_05
Yeah, the new thing they show them to you this far ahead.
3
I
3
SPEAKER_04
Oh yeah, there s no surprise anymore.
3
SPEAKER_05
And so they have one and they go, they have all the stars.
3
SPEAKER_05
You know who the stars were?
3
SPEAKER_05
The cast of Suits.
3
SPEAKER_05
Folks, I m sorry.
3
SPEAKER_05
Now, this is when Meghan Markle was on.
3
SPEAKER_04
Meghan Markle in the hunt.
3
SPEAKER_05
And so she went away and now Suits, it wasn t a big show, but now it is.
3
SPEAKER_05
And so it s on Netflix, it s doing well.
3
SPEAKER_05
Are you really doing a Suits parody?
3
SPEAKER_05
Let me tell you something, when Prince Harry came over here,
3
SPEAKER_05
He said, I got myself, he wanted to have a celebrity, a superstar girlfriend.
3
SPEAKER_05
So everyone over there somehow believed that Suits was some fucking hit show with Julia Roberts on it.
3
SPEAKER_05
But I m like, isn t that on TBS?
3
SPEAKER_05
I mean, is it really?
3
SPEAKER_05
She wasn t even the most famous person on Suits.
3
SPEAKER_05
Okay, so, and no one even knows what Suits is.
3
SPEAKER_05
We re throwing around the word superstar a little loosely.
3
SPEAKER_05
That s what I was saying.
3
SPEAKER_05
Now, she s a superstar now.
3
SPEAKER_05
But even she will admit when you re on a show that s on like, you know, after reruns of Barney Miller, too far back, too far back.
3
SPEAKER_04
Well, that s he called Prince and now King Charles after he met Meghan Markle.
3
SPEAKER_03
He says, Daddy, I ve met the most wonderful woman in the world.
3
SPEAKER_03
She s a superstar, an American actress.
3
SPEAKER_03
What do you say?
3
SPEAKER_05
Was that the older one?
3
SPEAKER_05
King Charles?
3
SPEAKER_03
What do you say?
3
SPEAKER_03
Sorry, I just coughed up a Dalmatian.
3
SPEAKER_03
Anyway, what s her name?
3
SPEAKER_03
Daddy, her name s Megan Marples.
3
SPEAKER_03
She s the biggest star of the world.
3
SPEAKER_03
Goodbye, daddy.
3
SPEAKER_03
Love you all.
3
SPEAKER_03
Never leave the royal family.
3
SPEAKER_03
Very good.
3
SPEAKER_03
And if you don t mind, we have to cough up half a cow.
3
SPEAKER_03
Son, I just googled her.
3
SPEAKER_04
She s not in the top 100 famous people in the world.
3
SPEAKER_04
And I just do him like this.
3
SPEAKER_04
And I do Megan.
3
SPEAKER_04
When he first met Megan, she s like,
3
SPEAKER_01
Hello, what s your name?
3
SPEAKER_03
My name s Prince Harry and I m from the Royal Family.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yes, and I m Meghan Markle from a show called The Suits.
3
SPEAKER_01
Have you ever seen it, Harry?
3
SPEAKER_00
That s how they talk.
3
SPEAKER_00
It sounded like Bill Cosby when you did Prince Charles.
3
SPEAKER_04
Oh, Bill Cosby.
3
SPEAKER_04
Basically, Joe Biden and Bill Cosby have merged in a way.
3
SPEAKER_03
I like the stiffness.
3
SPEAKER_03
I ll get looser with this show.
3
SPEAKER_03
I need a better chair.
3
SPEAKER_05
No, I like that you re, you, you actually, no one even mentions your full bed behind you.
3
SPEAKER_05
This is video.
3
SPEAKER_05
We do have a, we.
4
SPEAKER_01
We do have a studio coming, guys.