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My name is Lee Hawkins.
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I ve been a journalist for over 25 years.
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On my new podcast, What Happened in Alabama, I get answers to some of the hardest questions about how things came to be for many black Americans and the truth that must come before any reconciliation can happen.
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I investigate my family history, my upbringing in Minnesota, and my father s painful nightmares about growing up in Alabama.
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What Happened in Alabama is a new series confronting the cycles of trauma for myself, my family, and for many Black Americans.
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Listen now.
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Hello, it is your friend Tig.
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It s autumn, the harvest season, so what are you harvesting?
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Are there seeds you planted in your life that have become a crop ready to be enjoyed?
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Let me know.
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I ll tell you something about seeds and harvesting.
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Stephanie and I have been busy working, and that means a lot of Zooms from time to time.
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And our sons, we told them we re going to be working for a couple hours.
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Just hang tight.
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And they were like, no problem.
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We got this covered.
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We ll take care of ourselves.
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And then when Stephanie went downstairs,
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Every toy and game in the house had been pulled out.
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Our son, Finn, had somewhere dug up carrot seeds and gone out into the backyard, dug holes, planted carrots.
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It was almost two hours.
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And now we have, I guess, carrots growing in our backyard, but nobody has seen a single carrot.
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That s what we re harvesting over here, is imaginary carrots.
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Make sure to come check out my show in Delaware, November 4th.
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No clue where this town is or the festival I m doing, but I m very excited to go.
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I ve performed there before and I had a blast.
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And honestly, there s not a state or city that I ve met that I didn t love.
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And Delaware, your state is included in that.
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All right, now on with the show.
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I am an endangered species, but I sing no victim song.
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I am a woman, I am an artist, and I know where my voice belongs.
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Oh my, that is incredible.
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This is Don t Ask Tig, I m Tig Notaro.
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I am a woman, I am an artist, and I know where my advice belongs.
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My guest today is a singer, producer, author, and actress who just won an Emmy for her role as Mrs. Barbara Howard on ABC s Abbott Elementary.
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She earned a Tony Award nomination as one of the original cast members on the Broadway musical Dreamgirls.
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Her long list of credits include The Mighty Quinn opposite Danzel Washington, Mistress alongside Robert De Niro, and One Mississippi with yours truly.
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Cheryl, Lee, Ralph, welcome to Don t Ask Tig.
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I am just thrilled to have you.
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Thank you.
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Your name was on our list, by the way, before you won that Emmy.
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Thank you.
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I told Stephanie, I was like, I bet she thinks that we just reached out to her because she won that Emmy.
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How are you doing?
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I am so tired.
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I am literally exhausted.
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It is as if I had an implosion, not an explosion.
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It s like I m just exploding on the inside.
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And it s a lot.
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But
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But I tell you, Tig, overnight, my life has changed in some ways.
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And it s really strange, but it s a lot to get used to.
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But I m going to wear it with grace.
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And are you talking about, like, getting offers to be on podcasts like mine?
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Is that where everything changed?
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All kinds of stuff, including offers on podcasts.
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And you and Larry Wilmore were the two I did first.
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Oh, that s kind.
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But so many things.
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I walked into the dentist s office and I got a big round of applause.
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They were like, oh, my God, it was great.
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SPEAKER_03
I pulled up to a stop sign the other day and the people got out of their car, stood in front of my car and said, we love you.
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Thank you.
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And I was like, stunned.
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And then people do crazy things on the internet, but most of it is absolutely wonderful.
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So I m happy.
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Well, it s all deserved.
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I mean, you re just absolutely incredible.
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I don t know if everybody knows, you played the love interest of my character s stepfather.
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So that means, you know... We re family.
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Yes.
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Yeah, in an alternate universe.
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How do you feel about being my stepmother, essentially, if we follow that story?
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Oh, I enjoyed being your stepmother.
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I love the fact that I saw her as a woman on the edge of the spectrum, yet high functioning.
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And I was so sad that we didn t get another season, because at the very end,
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I was talking to Bill, who played your stepfather, and I remember saying to him that he really had to talk to you, that you all had some conversations that you needed to have with each other to move forward.
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And I just thought that those would have been good conversations for people to hear.
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But for me, I enjoyed it.
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I had a good time doing that show.
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I had a blast.
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And it was just so it was so incredible.
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And I felt the same way.
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I felt like there were so many more stories to tell.
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And Felicia and Bill just became such the stars of the show.
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Everybody fell in love with you both.
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And I would have loved to have watched
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where your relationship went and where my relationship with Bill went.
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But I feel very thankful for the two seasons.
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And very sadly, in real life, my stepfather passed away recently, who John portrayed.
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But he was so proud of that show, and he just thought John played him so beautifully.
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And I feel so lucky to have that capsule.
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So thank you for being a part of it.
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Thank you.
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So speaking of fathers, your father s a professor.
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Your mother s a fashion designer.
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Absolutely.
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Known for inventing a special type of suit.
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And among your long list of successes, you graduated from Rutgers University at age 19 as the university s youngest female graduate at the time.
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Yeah.
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What was it like growing up in a household where excellence was seemingly the norm?
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That s...
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mind-blowing.
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I m an immigrant s child, and my mother always had this saying, Jamaican saying, good, better, best, never let it rest till your good is better and your better, best.
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So my parents always expected the best from me and my brothers.
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You know, if you were a B student, they knew that you were just
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one letter away from being an A student.
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You just needed to put in the work.
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And you had to succeed in some ways on their term.
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My father said to me, you can do whatever you want with your life after you graduate from college.
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Those were the terms.
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That was what was expected of you.
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They were going to pay for it.
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And after that, you were absolutely on
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your own.
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But for me, it was a bit of pressure, but it wasn t a bad pressure.
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I don t think I suffered from that pressure.
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I think they raised the bar for me and I had to jump over it.
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And so during that time, you were like, OK, this is tough, but I m with it.
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I hear you.
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I m going to do it.
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Absolutely.
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I m absolutely going to do it, which is why I graduated so early from college, because I had to get on with my life on my terms.
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And I didn t want to spend an extra year.
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So it took me absolutely three years once I figured out what was necessary for me to do to get out in three years.
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I did it and I never looked back.
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They wanted me to stay to go to grad school.
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And I remember my teacher, Dr. John Bettenbender, oh my God, he was so proud of me.
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And he started the Mason Gross School of the Arts at Rutgers University.
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And he really wanted me to be in the first class.
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And I was like, Dr. Bettenbender, I m going to Broadway.
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And he sort of chuckled for a moment, but five years later, he was sitting right there in that audience and he couldn t have been prouder.
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That s incredible.
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And your show, Abbott Elementary, I hear people talking about how much they love it.
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So what do you think makes this show so special with all the recognition from the viewers and everybody s wild over it?
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I think it s because of the heart of the show that for the first time in a long time, teachers are not the butt of the joke.
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We are literally the heart of the show.
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You literally see this cast of people doing the best they can with so little.
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for the students that they are in charge of.
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And I love it.
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And, you know, I was watching the premiere episode and it just, it touched my heart when Janine, played by Quinta Brunson, she said, I broke up with my boyfriend and I m sad.
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I m really sad.
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And I m having a hard time paying my bills and I have to work through it.
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And honestly, there s so many young people who are going through that right now.
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Their emotional hurts, their financial instability, doing things that they love and working through it.
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And I love the fact that the character was honest enough to come out and say, I m sad, I m hurt.
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or I need help.
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And I think people are getting relief in some way because very often we re not able to say those things.
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So people are learning something by watching this show that they love and happy to be a part of it.
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So happy.
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I bet.
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I m curious about your acceptance speech.
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When did you get the idea?
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How did you get the idea?
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Because you know what to expect with an acceptance speech, and you ve now become easily the most famous acceptance.
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You ve wiped everybody out in the history of acceptance speeches.
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How did you come up with it?
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When did you come up with it?
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Tell me, walk me through it.
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Were you like, oh my God, this is the best idea?
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Or were you like, should I do that?
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Did you doubt it?
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Tell me.
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I had no idea that it was going to be me.
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I went there in support of my cast because I knew it was going to be somebody else.
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And when I heard Cheryl, I was like that emoji where the head is just exploding.
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I thought it was going to be somebody else.
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When I got on stage,
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And I m there, center stage, and I m looking at this Emmy in my hand.
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It was the song was just in me.
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It s one of my favorite songs.
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I ve sung it for years.
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And I was just like, I m an endangered species.
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I m a woman.
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I m an artist, and I know where my voice belongs.
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And it has been hard, but I ve used my voice, and I m right here.
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And I wanted everybody to know that I was feeling in that moment.
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Don t give up on yourself.
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Don t give up on your dreams.
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No matter how many people tell you it s not worth it, it s too hard, give up.
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I said, uh-uh, keep right on going.
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Because look at me.
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I m right here, right now, after believing as much as I could.
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It was right then that you thought to do that.
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Yeah, it just came out of you.
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Yeah, that s incredible.
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That was it.
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Wow.
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And then can we hear that song again?
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Oh, it s it s and it s written by Diane Reeves.
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And it s very simple.
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And it goes.
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I am an endangered species, but I sing no victim song.
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I am a woman, I am an artist, and I know where my voice belongs.
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And there s so much more to it, but that s the part that I own.
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That is incredible.
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And what a moment.
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Stephanie and I were sitting there just like, what on earth?
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This is incredible.
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This is what is happening.
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It was like so out of body.
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I think for everybody even watching you, like you re out of body, but watching you accept that speech in that way, it was like, what is happening?
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Whoa.
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Thank you.
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Thank you.
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Obviously, that message, as you said, is to believe in dreams.
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Was believing in yourself something that came naturally or is it something you ve had to work on?
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Like many people, I had to work at it because when I stood there in that moment, it was as if my whole career went in front of me.
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And so many times people would tell me,
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you know, how difficult it was.
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They re not looking for you.
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It s going to be hard, or you should just stop now.
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You ve had a better career than most, so don t feel sad if this is the end.
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Even at that moment, Tig, when you re standing on the stage, there s a big sign in front of you and it s flashing.
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Stop now.
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Stop now.
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Stop now.
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And I just, I refused.
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I said, I m not stopping now.
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This is my moment and I m going to use it and I m going to make the best out of it because I ve waited all these years to get to this moment.
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I didn t expect it, but it s here now and I m not going to waste it.
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And I m going to put your award show back on the map for you.
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So don t tell me to stop now.
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So many people said that to me.
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Someone said to me, nobody was watching this show, but everybody is going to be watching this show from now on because of that moment.
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And I was like, then just invite me to host it next week.
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Well, I wouldn t be surprised if that happens.
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What is your advice to people who struggle to believe in themselves?
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Oh, my God.
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I have to tell people, you have to look in the mirror.
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Look in the mirror.
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And if you can t talk to it, I just need you to look at it.
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I just need you to examine it because there is not another one like that.
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Even if you have a twin, they are not you.
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You are wonderfully, powerfully unique and you just have to look a little bit longer and find the strength that is there in you.
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So many people think they have no strength, they have no power, they don t matter.
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If that person in the mirror is gone tomorrow, everything is going to change for somebody.
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A whole lot of people are going to miss you.
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Somebody s going to say, whoa, where is so-and-so?
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You matter.
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And you got to get to the point where you can look in the mirror and love what you see, that you can encourage what you see, that you can uplift what you see.
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And sometimes you got to hug what you see.
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Sometimes when you re feeling just so out of it, you got to hold on and love yourself.
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Sometimes I just have to rock myself and tell myself it s going to be OK and you re going to be all right.
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Because everything always works out the way it s supposed to.
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But you ve got to also want to believe that for yourself.
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You ve got to want it for yourself, you know?
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Absolutely.
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That s just how I look at it.
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That s just Cheryl and I know nothing.
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That s not true.
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In fact, the whole time you were talking, I was like, well, I guess she s going to have her own talk show one day.
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Truly, like, mark my words.
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If you want to talk show, it s coming.
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It is time now for listener questions.
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Are you ready?
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I m ready.
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All right, Cheryl Lee, you play a teacher on TV, and this first question is from a real-life teacher who needs some professional guidance.
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Jessica writes, I work for a school district without a clear policy on romantic relationships between employees.
0
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I am a teacher, and I have a crush on an assistant principal.
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However, he does not supervise me.
0
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The students I teach are in school across the district, so I work with him only occasionally.
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I feel like there might be some chemistry.
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If he is also single, is this something I can pursue? 
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You know something?
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I used to have an aunt and she had a certain way of talking sometimes, but she would say, for lack of a better word, she would say, do not doo doo where you eat.
1
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You know, so do not get into a relationship that could go bad.
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And then you have to see this man at work and then things get bad and then you have to leave your job.
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That happens more times than not.
1
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But at the same time, this man could see you have an attraction for you.
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Things could be wonderful.
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You could get married and have a nice long relationship.
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And that s wonderful.
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But if it goes the other way, girl, you re losing your job.
1
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It s not going to be good.
1
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I would say do not do do where you eat.
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Do not do it.
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But that s just me.
1
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It never works out.
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I did it one time.
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No.
1
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Okay, so this is coming from personal experience.
1
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Yeah, don t do it.
1
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Well, how does Jessica control this feeling?
1
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I guess she s not too far in because she s not involved.
1
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It s just a crush.
1
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Yeah, just a crush.
1
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What do you think?
1
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Well, I was thinking there was enough distance because the assistant principal doesn t work directly with this teacher and her students are across the district.
1
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So it s only occasional run-ins.
1
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So Cheryl doesn t, she s not, you re not budging.
1
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Okay, then I m, all right, I am with Cheryl Lee Ralph on this.
1
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This advice is straight from Abbott Elementary s best teacher.
1
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So, I mean, how do we, we can t argue with this.
1
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Cheryl Lee, stay put.
1
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We ll take a short break and then back with more questions.
1
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All right.
1
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a six billion dollar con.
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It didn t take long for it to spread like wildfire.
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You got to take a look at this really crazy gold stock.
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A buddy of mine got in at a dime.
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Which destroyed lives and devastated communities.
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Every little town across the nation, people have shares in this.
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We lost everything.
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And to date, no one has been brought to justice.
1
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Somebody knows more than we know.
1
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The $6 billion gold scam from the BBC World Service and CBC.
1
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Search for the $6 billion gold scam wherever you get your podcasts.
1
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And we re back.
1
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Cheryl Lee, this next one was sent in from Sarah.
1
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Sarah writes, dear Tig, two years ago, I met this mom friend.
1
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She always talked about how great her neighbor was and how they were really close.
1
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Eventually, I got to meet the neighbor.
1
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Turns out we have a lot in common.
1
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Kids, same age, same interests and parenting styles.
1
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As we got to know each other better, the neighbor discussed that she doesn t like my friend.
1
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But since they are neighbors, she is cordial to her.
1
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The neighbor started inviting me to playdates, hangouts at their house with our kiddos, but always excludes my friend.
1
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I feel like I m being disloyal to my friend by hanging out with her neighbor without her.
1
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On the other hand, I really feel like the neighbor and I get along much better than my friend and I. What should I do?
1
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Oh my goodness.
1
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I tell you Tig, these two, they re very interesting because this can be very sticky.
1
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Now you ve got these three people here.
1
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One doesn t like the other.
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They literally tolerate the other.
1
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The other now has met the other one and likes the other one better than they like their friend.
1
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So now the two of them are just tolerating the one that brought them together in the first place.
1
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How sad for her.
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It s also sad because she might lose a friend.
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And I guess the neighbor is being cordial enough.
1
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But for me, I like to go places where I m celebrated.
1
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I don t want to be where I m being tolerated.
1
SPEAKER_01
And the one who s being tolerated doesn t even know it.
1
SPEAKER_01
So I feel bad.
1
SPEAKER_02
Here s what I think is the neighbor that s inviting the friend over and not inviting the neighbor that she tolerates.
1
SPEAKER_02
Can they not go somewhere else?
1
SPEAKER_02
Like, can they not go to the other person s house so that the neighbor who is tolerated won t see it?
1
SPEAKER_02
Because even if she gets on your nerves, you still don t want to be mean.
1
SPEAKER_01
Exactly.
1
SPEAKER_01
And it all feels weird to me.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, and I feel like it could just end up hurting this person s feelings, and there s really no reason to.
1
SPEAKER_02
So I would find a different place to have the playdates.
1
SPEAKER_02
That s my instinct.
1
SPEAKER_02
What do you think, Cheryl Lee?
1
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I just think it s sad because I think somebody is going to get hurt in this.
1
SPEAKER_01
And when I hear it, I think it s the person that s being tolerated.
1
SPEAKER_01
Just like you couldn t tell the teacher, you know, your feelings are your feelings, but don t do that there.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s like, you know what?
1
SPEAKER_01
Invite that woman over to your house.
1
SPEAKER_01
Don t do it so the woman next door gets to see her friend with another friend.
1
SPEAKER_01
I have to tell you, I had a friend, and this was my friend.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I was just me.
1
SPEAKER_01
And she met another friend.
1
SPEAKER_01
And they had much more money, a much more lovelier way of living.
1
SPEAKER_01
I had my way of living, which I was very happy with.
1
SPEAKER_01
But I literally lost my friend to somebody else because they had more of everything.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then when they would see me, it was just like, oh, hi.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I was just like, and I introduced y all to each other.
1
SPEAKER_01
So I m the one that just gets left out here.
1
SPEAKER_01
I didn t feel good.
1
SPEAKER_01
I still don t feel good about it.
1
SPEAKER_01
But guess what?
1
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Now I tolerate them.
1
SPEAKER_02
Well, yeah, it really is so tricky.
1
SPEAKER_02
But I feel like
1
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I feel like you can t tell these two people that do connect and their kids connect that they can t be friends.
1
SPEAKER_02
But I do feel like you got to take the party somewhere else.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, take it somewhere else, Sarah.
1
SPEAKER_02
That s a tough one.
1
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Good luck.
1
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Cheryl Lee, this next question involves building healthy habits.
1
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Ryan writes,
1
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For years, I found myself trapped in a repeating cycle that I can t seem to escape.
1
SPEAKER_02
Generally, it consists of four to six weeks of feeling really motivated to pursue goals, eating healthy, and moving through life with confidence.
1
SPEAKER_02
Without fail, it is always then followed by two to three months and sometimes more of backsliding, neglecting to exercise, eating more unhealthy foods, and a general lack of motivation to do the things I know will help me get back on track.
1
SPEAKER_02
I can t seem to figure out why exactly this happens.
1
SPEAKER_02
Do you have any tips on how to sustainably maintain a healthy lifestyle?
1
SPEAKER_02
I don t know, Ryan, if you go to therapy, but it d probably be good to talk to a therapist.
1
SPEAKER_02
I ve heard that this kind of behavior is you re sabotaging yourself.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I feel like a therapist could help you get to the root of why you re doing that.
1
SPEAKER_02
I always hear people say things like, oh, I m gonna get in shape, I m gonna eat right, you know, all the things that he s mentioning.
1
SPEAKER_02
But there has to be something that drives you to do those things.
1
SPEAKER_02
I know for myself, after I was really sick 10 years ago, and I changed my diet and I became plant-based and I got my plant-based nutrition certification over the pandemic.
1
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just because I m so driven to make sure that I have information about the food I m eating, about what it can help as far as my health goes.
1
SPEAKER_02
And that is my very direct motivation, is I don t ever want to be deathly ill again.
1
SPEAKER_02
And so,
1
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you have to really look at, is there something about you?
1
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Is there something in a family member?
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Do you have kids?
1
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Are you in love?
1
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Do you want to be with this person forever?
1
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That can help that focus of why you would want to stick to this healthy behavior.
1
SPEAKER_01
Absolutely.
1
SPEAKER_01
But you know what he is saying is, he doesn t have that same motivation that you have.
1
SPEAKER_02
And that s what I m saying is to try and find that.
1
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Where is it?
1
SPEAKER_02
And talk to a therapist or look deep within what would motivate you if you get that thought of like, I want to see my kids grow up.
1
SPEAKER_02
I want to be the 90-year-old parent that shows up at college graduation, which I will be.
1
SPEAKER_02
But I want to be there.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I don t know.
1
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That s my thought.
1
SPEAKER_02
How do you feel, Shirley?
1
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I say, I don t mind starting over again and over again and over again.
1
SPEAKER_01
And maybe he can find, okay, what is the exercise that he likes to do that he will do?
1
SPEAKER_01
A lot of people go back to things like working out and all of that, but then they re doing things that they don t like.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, maybe you need to find some sort of workout that you do like.
1
SPEAKER_01
Some people don t like to walk.
1
SPEAKER_01
They like to run.
1
SPEAKER_01
Some people like to swim.
1
SPEAKER_01
Some people like to dance.
1
SPEAKER_01
Some people like to lift weights.
1
SPEAKER_01
Some people like to stretch rubber bands.
1
SPEAKER_01
You know, all of these things work.
1
SPEAKER_01
The best exercise is the one that you are willing to do.
1
SPEAKER_01
A lot of people want to go to the whole healthy eating and then they realize, well, I don t like to cook.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, then you ve got to find a way to do it.
1
SPEAKER_01
But what way is it that you can get the food to you that you will eat it and eat it properly?
1
SPEAKER_01
Then another thing people do is they put timelines on themselves.
1
SPEAKER_01
And very often they put timelines on themselves that they cannot meet.
1
SPEAKER_01
Unrealistic goals.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s right.
1
SPEAKER_01
Unreal goals.
1
SPEAKER_01
Stop doing that to yourself.
1
SPEAKER_01
Sometimes people just need to give themselves a break.
1
SPEAKER_01
Then sometimes you need to think about the fact, do you like working out at all?
1
SPEAKER_01
If you don t like working out at all, maybe you need to work at breathing.
1
SPEAKER_01
Maybe you need to fix your relationship with things like water, because good breathing and a better intake of water, it really helps.
1
SPEAKER_01
There s some vitamins that you need to take.
1
SPEAKER_01
Go to a doctor and find out what it is you need.
1
SPEAKER_01
Get the checkups.
1
SPEAKER_01
Get know your numbers.
1
SPEAKER_01
A lot of us don t value our health, even though it is our greatest wealth.
1
SPEAKER_01
So for him, I would say, relax.
1
SPEAKER_01
Don t even set a goal.
1
SPEAKER_01
Be realistic about this.
1
SPEAKER_01
You need to rethink it because you keep trying to do the same thing.
1
SPEAKER_01
And the craziest thing you can do is accept a different result.
1
SPEAKER_01
When you keep doing the same thing, try something new.
1
SPEAKER_01
different and give yourself a break.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s just me here.
1
SPEAKER_01
Here.
1
SPEAKER_02
Have you heard of pickleball?
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, my God, I ve heard of pickleball, but I don t exactly know what is exactly.
1
SPEAKER_02
I didn t either.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I started playing a couple of months ago.
1
SPEAKER_02
And that is brand new in my life.
1
SPEAKER_02
51 years old, started playing pickleball.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I love it so much.
1
SPEAKER_02
Stephanie does too.
1
SPEAKER_02
And so also, I ve swam my whole life, but I had back surgery a few years ago.
1
SPEAKER_02
And one of the things that has helped me and no doctor told me to do this.
1
SPEAKER_02
I just in my gut, I was like, I need to go tread water.
1
SPEAKER_02
And so I get in the pool, I tread water, I started doing it for 15 minutes, then I bumped it up to 30, then to 45.
1
SPEAKER_02
I now, when I tread water, tread water for one hour, and it becomes meditative.
1
SPEAKER_02
Whereas in the beginning, it used to be like, how many minutes have I been doing this?
1
SPEAKER_02
And my entire body feels incredible.
1
SPEAKER_02
And truly, I cannot stress enough that it becomes meditative for me.
1
SPEAKER_02
So I m all about try to find something new, try to do something that you haven t done before.
1
SPEAKER_02
And don t be hard on yourself.
1
SPEAKER_02
But also, if you want to find that motivation, I think you re going to have to
1
SPEAKER_02
find a reason and story that becomes your carrot that drives you.
1
SPEAKER_01
You get that goal, that focus and that goal.
1
SPEAKER_01
You know, for me, it s always weird, but I always think about Dorothy and the Wizard of Oz.
1
SPEAKER_01
Dorothy was so lost, you know, and then she got hit on the head during the hurricane and she was passed out.
1
SPEAKER_01
Tornado.
1
SPEAKER_01
There you go, the tornado.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then she met in the dream all of these things that she needed.
1
SPEAKER_01
And sometimes we just need to take a break, breathe, and think to yourself, what is it I really need?
1
SPEAKER_01
What is it I really desire?
1
SPEAKER_01
once you are able to say it out loud to yourself, you ve got to be willing to welcome it and do the work to go and get it and then have it in your life.
1
SPEAKER_01
But sometimes we get caught in this mindset that says, I don t deserve it.
1
SPEAKER_01
Why should it be me?
1
SPEAKER_01
I m not capable.
1
SPEAKER_01
And you are so capable of so much more, so much more.
1
SPEAKER_01
Some people are just so powerful.
1
SPEAKER_01
I look at some people and I m like,
1
SPEAKER_01
Whoa, they don t even know their own power.
1
SPEAKER_01
They re not even willing to accept their own capabilities.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, people out here lowering the bar for themselves.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I m like, you re a superstar.
1
SPEAKER_01
Why are you sitting on the sideline?
1
SPEAKER_02
Ryan, we re talking to you.
1
SPEAKER_02
Ryan, you are a superstar.
1
SPEAKER_02
Ryan.
1
SPEAKER_01
You are a superstar.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_01
You re a superstar, Ryan.
1
SPEAKER_01
Go for it and stop cheating yourself out of it.
1
SPEAKER_01
Go for it.
1
SPEAKER_01
You deserve it.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_01
If somebody else can have it, why can t it be you?
1
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_02
Get out there and tread some water, Ryan.
1
SPEAKER_02
and play pickleball.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, play some pickleball.
1
SPEAKER_02
Hope that s helpful in some way.
1
SPEAKER_02
Cheryl Lee, you were born in Connecticut and this next listener now lives there.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, wow.
1
SPEAKER_02
Eric writes, my wife Elizabeth and I will be celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary.
1
SPEAKER_02
We d like to do something fun, but also something not too expensive.
1
SPEAKER_02
We have about $500 saved up for whatever it will be.
1
SPEAKER_02
Can you please give us any ideas?
1
SPEAKER_02
We live in Connecticut, would like to avoid crowds, enjoy outdoorsy stuff, and are up to try anything.
1
SPEAKER_02
Thanks, Tig.
1
SPEAKER_02
Well.
1
SPEAKER_01
There is so much that they can do.
1
SPEAKER_01
You know, people always think that they need to spend their money to do all of these things.
1
SPEAKER_01
But really what they could do is stay right at home with each other and just find out some wonderful things about each other that they have not experienced.
1
SPEAKER_01
They say they love each other.
1
SPEAKER_01
Take some time to ask each other the questions that you didn t dare ask.
1
SPEAKER_01
Take the time.
1
SPEAKER_01
Make some great food or order some great food in.
1
SPEAKER_01
Get a great bottle of whatever it is you like to drink, from sparkling water to sparkling champagne.
1
SPEAKER_01
Drink it all.
1
SPEAKER_01
enjoy each other, watch some of your favorite unwatched TV, make a memory for yourself.
1
SPEAKER_01
You do not have to go out and spend that $500.
1
SPEAKER_02
I think that s a really great idea.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I ve recently started interviewing family members, really in-depth interviews, questions that would never come up.
1
SPEAKER_02
Like about their high school graduation day or their first date or whatever it was in their life.
1
SPEAKER_02
Just the interview that I ve done, it takes two or three hours with each person.
1
SPEAKER_02
And so that could be something really fun to do is like put together a long, long list of things you ve never asked each other.
1
SPEAKER_02
I mean, I ve had such a great time.
1
SPEAKER_02
Remember when you came to my cousin s house in Mississippi?
1
SPEAKER_02
I just interviewed him.
1
SPEAKER_02
Jimmy, I don t know if you remember him.
1
SPEAKER_01
I remember very well.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yes, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, my husband came down.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
And we re still married and still happy.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s incredible.
1
SPEAKER_01
How long have you been together?
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, my God.
1
SPEAKER_01
I think this year is 20, 20 years.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m the worst.
1
SPEAKER_01
He remembers everything down to the hour and the second.
1
SPEAKER_01
And me, I m like, how long has it been?
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I remember.
1
SPEAKER_02
He was great.
1
SPEAKER_02
And it s such a fun journey when you get in there really deep with people.
1
SPEAKER_01
Especially people you love.
1
SPEAKER_02
There is nothing more fun than every now and then Stephanie will say something about her life.
1
SPEAKER_02
I m like, I didn t know that.
2
SPEAKER_01
And it s such a fun moment.
2
SPEAKER_01
Even if you don t have a specific question and you say, tell me something I for sure do not know about you.
2
SPEAKER_01
But you can back up to your wife s family asking questions about her upbringing.
2
SPEAKER_01
There s so many things.
2
SPEAKER_01
There s questions online.
2
SPEAKER_01
There s interview questions.
2
SPEAKER_01
You can look up and add them to your
2
SPEAKER_01
list of things to ask one another.
2
SPEAKER_02
And you know what they can do is make it a great date.
2
SPEAKER_02
They can dress up or dress down however they like.
2
SPEAKER_02
They can bring flowers for each other.
2
SPEAKER_02
They can make it so special without spending all of that money.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yep.
2
SPEAKER_01
All right.
2
SPEAKER_01
Eric, thanks for the question.
2
SPEAKER_01
Congrats to you and Elizabeth on ten years.
2
SPEAKER_01
Ten good years.
2
SPEAKER_01
Ten of the best years of Eric s life.
2
SPEAKER_01
Cheryl Lee, before we end the show, I have two final questions for you.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s a segment called Best Advice, Worst Advice.
2
SPEAKER_01
What is the best advice you ve ever received?
2
SPEAKER_02
The best advice I ever got was from my father, and it was a five-letter word, and it was think.
2
SPEAKER_02
And my father gave me that sign, and it just said think.
2
SPEAKER_02
That has served me so well throughout my life, that when things happen, good things, bad things, questionable things, I think my way through them.
2
SPEAKER_02
Exhale and think.
2
SPEAKER_02
So the best advice was think.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Nice.
2
SPEAKER_01
What s the worst advice?
2
SPEAKER_02
Stop is the worst advice.
2
SPEAKER_01
Stop now.
2
SPEAKER_01
Stop now.
2
SPEAKER_01
Stop now.
2
SPEAKER_01
Stop now.
2
SPEAKER_01
Stop now.
2
SPEAKER_01
Stop now.
2
SPEAKER_01
Stop now.
2
SPEAKER_02
The worst advice and I ignored it.
2
SPEAKER_02
And that made all the difference too.
2
SPEAKER_01
I love it.
2
SPEAKER_02
And all true.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yes, Cheryl Lee, it has been such a delight having you.
2
SPEAKER_01
Thank you so, so much for taking the time.
2
SPEAKER_01
I knew you were so slammed.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I knew there was a chance that this wouldn t happen.
2
SPEAKER_01
And so I m just very thankful.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I know that our listeners are gonna be just thrilled to hear from you.
2
SPEAKER_02
Thank you.
2
SPEAKER_02
Thanks for asking me.
2
SPEAKER_02
Of course.
2
SPEAKER_02
When they said it was Tig s podcast, I was like, oh, yeah!
2
SPEAKER_02
Absolutely.
2
SPEAKER_02
Thank you.
2
SPEAKER_02
And tell Stephanie I said hello and hug the boys for me.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, thank you.
2
SPEAKER_01
And all the best to your family.
2
SPEAKER_01
And anything to promote or let our listeners know?
2
SPEAKER_02
You know what?
2
SPEAKER_02
Tell your listeners they can always download my Audible book, Redefining Diva, divinely inspired, victoriously alive.
2
SPEAKER_02
It s on Audible and it s a wonderful listen.
2
SPEAKER_02
And I do the reading myself.
2
SPEAKER_02
So there you go.
2
SPEAKER_01
Awesome.
2
SPEAKER_01
What a great title.
2
SPEAKER_01
Thank you.
2
SPEAKER_01
Thank you again and hope to see you very soon.
2
SPEAKER_01
Back at you.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_01
Bye bye.
2
SPEAKER_02
Bye everybody.
2
SPEAKER_03
That s what you want
2
SPEAKER_01
Don t Ask Tig is hosted by me, Tig Notaro.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s produced by Thomas Ouellette, Shana Deloria, and Lauren Humpert.
2
SPEAKER_01
Our executive producer and editor is Beth Perlman.
2
SPEAKER_01
Engineering and sound mixing by Alex Simpson.
2
SPEAKER_01
Digital production by James Napoli.
2
SPEAKER_01
Talent booking by Marianne Ways.
2
SPEAKER_01
Our theme music is Friend in Tig by Edie Burkell and Kyle Crusham.
2
SPEAKER_01
and Listen to Your Heart by Edie Brickell.
2
SPEAKER_01
Special thanks to Hunter Seidman.
2
SPEAKER_01
APM Studios executives in charge are Chandra Kavati, Alex Schaffert, and Joanne Griffith.
2
SPEAKER_01
Concept developed by Tracy Mumford.
2
SPEAKER_01
Our executive consultant is Dean Capello and Gobsmack Studios.
2
SPEAKER_01
You can always ask for advice at DontAskTig.org.
2
SPEAKER_01
Just write in with your problem or send us a voice memo.
2
SPEAKER_01
Remember to follow us on social media at DontAskTig.
2
SPEAKER_01
Don t Ask Tig is a production of American Public Media.
2
SPEAKER_01
And as always, thanks, Dana.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I ll tell Becky.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m Christina Cauterucci, and this season on Slow Burn.
2
SPEAKER_02
It s called Proposition 6.
2
SPEAKER_02
The Briggs Initiative.
2
SPEAKER_03
John Briggs is going to fire every gay and lesbian schoolteacher in California.
2
SPEAKER_00
With so much at stake, young people became activists.
2
SPEAKER_00
We can t let this happen in California.
2
SPEAKER_00
And activists became leaders.
2
SPEAKER_03
My name is Harvey Milker, and I m here to include you.
2
SPEAKER_00
Slow Burn, Season 9.
2
SPEAKER_00
Gays Against Briggs.
2
SPEAKER_00
Out now, wherever you listen.