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Anybody who says money does not impact your relationship is a liar, okay?
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If true, like, physical intimacy is up there and money s right next to it, why don t we put just as much time into maintaining the money piece as we do the physical intimacy?
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Welcome to the School of Greatness.
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My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur.
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And each week, we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness.
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Thanks for spending some time with me today.
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Now let the class begin.
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Welcome back, everyone, to the School of Greatness.
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Very excited about our guest.
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We have the inspiring Vivian Tu in the house, who is a former Wall Street trader, financial expert, teacher, coach, podcaster, and now author of Rich AF, which is all about the winning money mindsets that will change your life.
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Vivian, thank you for being here.
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SPEAKER_00
Thank you so much for having me.
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SPEAKER_01
Appreciate it.
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I m so excited because money is something that a lot of people struggle with.
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So many people struggle with it, even when they have money, it s almost like they re more afraid of it and they get more scarce.
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They don t know how to manage it, all these different things.
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I m curious though, for people that don t have money or feel like money is out of reach for them, is it possible for anyone to become wealthy or to become rich?
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SPEAKER_01
Or is it only for a certain mindset or a certain demographic of people?
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
Anybody who wants to have money, anybody who wants to have richness can get there.
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SPEAKER_00
But it certainly is not as easy as everyone on the internet makes it seem.
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It s not rah, rah, Amazon dropshipping, rah, rah, wholesale real estate, rah, rah, buy some life insurance, and you re good to go.
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That s just not it.
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And I think a big conversation that we don t talk about is proximity.
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SPEAKER_00
In my life now, I have many rich friends.
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And those rich friends provide me additional rich opportunities.
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SPEAKER_00
So I got to go to the US Open on a bank s dime because my fiance worked with a guy who is at an investment bank.
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And he had four tickets, took him, his wife, my fiance, and myself.
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Those tickets are thousands of dollars.
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They re very, very expensive.
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I have friends who had an incredible accountant, had a great team in terms of financials for business, and they were like, you should talk to my team.
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That s how I got hooked up with my business manager.
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If you don t have that proximity to people who have money, who ve done it, who played the playbook,
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How are you going to learn it?
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SPEAKER_00
Because, sure, if you are a young person growing up low income, and you want to make smart money decisions, work very hard in school, get good grades, do the American dream thing, and you go, you get to Harvard, OK?
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SPEAKER_00
You get to Harvard, the rich kids still don t want to be friends with you.
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SPEAKER_00
Why not?
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SPEAKER_00
Because you can t afford to split the table at the club on Friday night.
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SPEAKER_00
Wow.
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You can t afford to pay for the dues for your finals club, or whatever they call it.
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you don t have that money to get you there.
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So I think the process of becoming wealthy and becoming rich and having money
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It s available to anyone.
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SPEAKER_00
But the trajectory and the timeline is very, very different.
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SPEAKER_01
Interesting.
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SPEAKER_00
Where you start.
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SPEAKER_01
So proximity alone isn t enough, is what I m hearing you say.
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SPEAKER_01
Because you could have the grades or the skills and the proximity.
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SPEAKER_01
But if you don t have the money still, then people may not.
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SPEAKER_01
What are you saying?
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SPEAKER_00
So I m saying that proximity makes it easier.
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SPEAKER_00
Yes.
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SPEAKER_00
So if you grow up rich and your parents are
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you know, very, very tough.
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And they re like, we re not leaving a penny to you guys.
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You still grew up around all those rich people.
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SPEAKER_01
You still have access, contacts, information.
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SPEAKER_00
Yes, exactly.
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SPEAKER_00
And you still got all those soft skills.
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SPEAKER_00
Whereas someone whose parents are like, I will leave you every dollar I have, but they grow up lower middle class, they don t have that proximity that you had.
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SPEAKER_01
Mm-hmm.
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SPEAKER_00
Growing up.
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It s like a language.
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You didn t get to hear the language, see how things were done, see how deals were talked about.
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Even if you weren t involved in doing the deals or paying for the things, you witnessed and experienced it over a decade or two.
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So on Wall Street, we call them execution or knife and fork guys.
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So execution guys are the technical ones.
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They re like the ones that are actually good at the job, right?
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SPEAKER_00
And then you got knife and fork guys.
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And the reason they re called knife and fork is because they know, they have all of those elegances that if you don t grow up,
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watching that day in day out, you don t know.
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SPEAKER_00
They know that the littlest utensils here and the biggest one comes in closer to your plate.
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SPEAKER_00
They know how to take the napkin and fold it politely over their seat or like over their lap.
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SPEAKER_00
They know that the dessert spoon goes this way and
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they have those soft skills that are kind of like the tell of how you can kind of spot another rich person.
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SPEAKER_00
Like, I can smell the rich on someone.
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SPEAKER_00
Really?
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SPEAKER_00
Oh, yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
But there s a lot of, like, fake rich also, isn t there?
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SPEAKER_00
Oh, tons.
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SPEAKER_01
So can you smell the rich and the fake rich?
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SPEAKER_00
Yes.
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SPEAKER_01
What s the difference between people who are actually rich and those who are acting like they re rich?
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SPEAKER_00
People who are actually rich, like you rich.
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SPEAKER_00
I m sorry, guys.
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SPEAKER_00
That s good.
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SPEAKER_01
That s good.
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SPEAKER_00
They re not concerned about impressing you.
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Interesting.
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SPEAKER_00
They are.
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I talk about this in my book.
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They are apex predators.
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They do not worry about what you think about them.
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SPEAKER_00
Wow.
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It is the guy that you see walking into a three Michelin star restaurant in a quiet, normal looking outfit, sweater vest situation, eats his meal, leaves a 50% tip because they can.
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That s true wealth.
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Then you ve got
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The wannabe wealth that goes to that same restaurant, dripped out in a designer label, is making a scene.
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SPEAKER_00
Why isn t this water sparkling?
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SPEAKER_00
This is still.
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SPEAKER_00
I don t like that.
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SPEAKER_00
Just really, really new to the experience, and then leaves at 10%.
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SPEAKER_00
Wow.
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SPEAKER_01
That s interesting.
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SPEAKER_01
So what are the other soft skills that you can tell between someone who s actually rich and someone who s faking it or trying to be rich, or maybe has some money, but they re trying to show it off too much?
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SPEAKER_00
So I would say that people who want to look rich brag about things.
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SPEAKER_00
Look at my new bag.
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SPEAKER_00
Look at my new car.
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SPEAKER_00
Really rich people, they don t brag.
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SPEAKER_00
They talk about experiences that they have.
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SPEAKER_00
This is another experience, and one that I, frankly, couldn t really relate to when I first started in my career, because I didn t come from that kind of money.
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SPEAKER_00
But when it was around vacation season, and people were talking about going to Italy.
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And the yachts.
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Not even the yachts, but everybody had a restaurant in Capri that you had to try.
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SPEAKER_00
Everyone had their favorite place for gelato in Venice, whatever.
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Whatever it was.
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you could tell that person had lived life in a way that someone who doesn t have that kind of access, who doesn t have that kind of money, doesn t have because they can t take the time off.
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SPEAKER_00
They don t have the money to go to those places.
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SPEAKER_00
And even if they did, they would be doing things on the path versus stuff off the beaten path that lets them live like a local.
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SPEAKER_01
What would you say are a few practical things if people were like, you know, I m just kind of, I don t have money for the next few months.
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SPEAKER_01
I don t have an emergency fund.
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SPEAKER_01
I don t have, I ve got debts.
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SPEAKER_01
I m still paying off.
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SPEAKER_01
If someone,
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is financially sick and unwell.
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SPEAKER_01
And their financial health is unstable.
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SPEAKER_01
What are a few strategies they can do to either increase their income or get back to financial wholeness?
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SPEAKER_00
I would say something that people struggle with realizing is that these changes you ll have to make, they re not permanent.
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SPEAKER_00
They re only temporary.
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SPEAKER_00
And you are going to be uncomfortable.
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SPEAKER_00
it s not going to be fun.
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SPEAKER_00
And I am very anti, cut out the avocado toast, don t buy the coffee, rah-rah, okay?
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SPEAKER_00
I am.
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SPEAKER_00
But if you are in a truly a dark, dark hole,
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SPEAKER_00
and there s no ladder to crawl out.
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SPEAKER_00
Cut it out.
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SPEAKER_00
You literally have to cut it out.
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SPEAKER_00
You have to make some temporary changes that are very uncomfortable.
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SPEAKER_00
And to your point, we focus so much on cutting out every single little discretionary cost.
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SPEAKER_00
Do you know how hard it is to cut out $5,000 worth of expenses?
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SPEAKER_00
Do you know how easy it is to ask for a $5,000 raise?
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SPEAKER_00
A $5,000 raise happens every single day.
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SPEAKER_00
That is par for the course.
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SPEAKER_00
That s not anything special.
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SPEAKER_00
Cutting out $5,000, do you know how many coffees you have to cut out?
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SPEAKER_00
Do you know how many meals you can t go out to?
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SPEAKER_00
Do you know how many friends you might lose in that process?
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SPEAKER_00
So again, I think it s really, really important to be asking for that raise.
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SPEAKER_00
And I mean 10, 15% every single year.
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SPEAKER_00
Are you going to get it?
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SPEAKER_01
every year?
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SPEAKER_01
Probably not.
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SPEAKER_01
But you get 7%, great.
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SPEAKER_01
You get 8%, great.
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SPEAKER_01
You got to ask.
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SPEAKER_01
And you got to remind them pretty much for six months out of the year that you deserve that raise and that you want money, that you are money motivated.
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SPEAKER_01
Because if you ask in December when everybody else is asking for money,
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SPEAKER_01
You re at the back of the list, back of the line.
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SPEAKER_01
You want to be on top of the pile when your boss starts thinking about who s getting a raise this year.
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SPEAKER_00
What can someone do who is an employee to be really smart and intentional about getting a raise?
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SPEAKER_00
how can they show their value, their work ethic, that they re getting the results, that s gonna increase revenue in the business, as opposed to just saying, give me a 20% raise or a 10% raise, because I deserve it.
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SPEAKER_00
How do they enroll through actual results, as opposed to, I just want a raise.
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SPEAKER_00
Give it to me.
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SPEAKER_00
Otherwise, I m not happy.
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
So you remember those two guys on Wall Street?
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You ve got the executioners, and then you ve got the knife and fork guys.
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SPEAKER_01
So on the execution side,
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Make yourself a brag book.
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SPEAKER_01
So it s a literal folder.
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SPEAKER_00
A brag book.
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SPEAKER_01
A brag book, raise receipts, promo pitch, whatever you want to call it.
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SPEAKER_01
Just make one.
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SPEAKER_01
It s a folder in your email.
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And every time something good happens to you, every time you get a pat on the back from another team member from your company, forward it to that folder.
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SPEAKER_01
A client says, wow, you know, you did such a great job.
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SPEAKER_01
Whatever.
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SPEAKER_01
Put it in that folder.
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SPEAKER_01
anything good that happens to you, put in that folder.
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SPEAKER_01
Because that way, when you go and you have to write those really annoying self-assessments, you can go back and literally look through those emails and be like, oh, remember that time I did that one thing and that thing and that thing?
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SPEAKER_01
And now you have quantifiable results that you can point to.
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SPEAKER_01
The second piece is the knife and fork piece.
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SPEAKER_01
There s a study, and it shows that the smartest person is not the one that gets paid the most.
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SPEAKER_00
Right.
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SPEAKER_01
They re like second most paid, second or third most paid.
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SPEAKER_01
Interesting, really?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
Being smart and being the best employee gets you to a certain point.
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SPEAKER_01
But the person that is paid the most is the person that is essentially Mr. or Mrs. Congeniality.
1
SPEAKER_01
You need to be liked.
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SPEAKER_01
And not so much like you have to be agreeable and likable, but like people have to think of you.
1
SPEAKER_00
You gotta be top of mind.
1
SPEAKER_01
You gotta be top of mind.
1
SPEAKER_01
And you have to be, unfortunately, popular around the office.
1
SPEAKER_01
So that happens.
1
SPEAKER_01
by not skipping the company happy hour.
1
SPEAKER_01
That happens by joining your stupid wreck pickleball league with your boss.
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SPEAKER_01
You know what I mean?
1
SPEAKER_01
Sure, sure.
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SPEAKER_01
You have to do those things if you really want that.
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SPEAKER_01
And I know people listening to this might think, well, I have kids.
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SPEAKER_01
I can t do the pickleball league.
1
SPEAKER_01
I can t go to the happy hour.
1
SPEAKER_01
OK, ask your boss to go to lunch once every three weeks.
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SPEAKER_01
Make that time.
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SPEAKER_01
Force that time.
1
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Do the water cooler thing.
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Because it might cost you 15 minutes of your day.
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SPEAKER_01
And it might cost you that 15 minutes of productivity.
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I guarantee you, nobody is going to miss that 15 minutes of your work product.
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SPEAKER_01
But they ll remember when you told that funny joke.
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SPEAKER_01
They ll remember that story you told about, you know,
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SPEAKER_01
the one, you know, funny thing that happened that weekend.
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SPEAKER_01
Because that is how people remember you.
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SPEAKER_01
It s not about, like, oh, do you remember who closed that amazing deal last quarter?
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SPEAKER_01
Nobody says that.
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SPEAKER_00
Right.
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SPEAKER_00
You know, what I think about is, like, who is able to show up with just consistent, good attitude, energy, and effort?
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SPEAKER_00
Consistently.
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SPEAKER_00
Who creates the least amount of stress?
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SPEAKER_00
Yes.
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SPEAKER_00
You know, I don t want to think about the challenges and the stress that is being brought to the team or to myself, but that you re just consistent.
1
SPEAKER_00
Not that you can t have a challenging day or bad stuff happens, but just overall, you got a pretty good attitude.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
Pretty good energy.
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SPEAKER_00
You re willing to show up and work hard consistently.
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SPEAKER_00
It s like, all right, cool.
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SPEAKER_00
You re going to get rewarded.
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
But go ahead.
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SPEAKER_01
No, I was going to say, it s also like doing an elevator test or an airport test when you re looking at a resume.
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SPEAKER_01
How many times has someone asked you about your past job experience in detail?
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SPEAKER_01
Frankly, not that many times.
1
SPEAKER_01
You know what everybody beelines to on my resume?
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SPEAKER_01
What s that?
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SPEAKER_01
They look at the very bottom, and they re like, interests, activities.
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SPEAKER_01
And they re like, oh, that s weird.
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SPEAKER_01
I see where we re at.
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SPEAKER_01
Literally, that s weird.
1
SPEAKER_01
you were a cheerleader in college? 
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SPEAKER_01
And I m like, yes.
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SPEAKER_01
And they re like, really?
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SPEAKER_01
And I m like, yeah, why?
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SPEAKER_01
Don t I seem so fun and bubbly?
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SPEAKER_01
And like, you know, it s the same day that I m wearing all black and I look so depressed.
1
SPEAKER_01
Or they ll look at the bottom of my resume and they re like, interests, mob movies, what s your favorite one?
1
SPEAKER_01
And I m like, Goodfellas, obviously.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then we get into a 20 minute debate and I waste 20 minutes in our interview.
1
SPEAKER_01
But you only now have 10 minutes to ask me technical questions.
1
SPEAKER_01
And if I ace those 10 minutes of questions instead of 30 minutes,
1
SPEAKER_01
I now look like a genius, because every question you asked me I got right.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then, even better, like, the fact that you and I now have something in common.
1
SPEAKER_01
Because you know that Goodfellas is my favorite movie.
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SPEAKER_01
I know that The Godfather is your favorite movie.
1
SPEAKER_01
So, now we re friends.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, you re more likable.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
It sounds like people hire or they give raises or opportunities to people they like more.
1
SPEAKER_00
Is that what I m hearing you say?
1
SPEAKER_00
Where was this study from?
1
SPEAKER_00
Do you remember this likeability study?
1
SPEAKER_01
I can t exactly remember.
1
SPEAKER_00
We ll have to look it up.
1
SPEAKER_01
But it ll literally be like the first Google search.
1
SPEAKER_01
Literally just be like, you know, smartest person doesn t get paid the most.
1
SPEAKER_01
Right.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s been shown time and time again.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s not about being the smartest or the most technical.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s about you want to have technical skills and be smart.
1
SPEAKER_01
You got to be a B-plus student with an A-plus personality.
1
SPEAKER_01
And that ll get you farther than being an A-plus student with a B-plus personality.
1
SPEAKER_00
Interesting.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s more about personality than your technical skills, is what it sounds like.
1
SPEAKER_00
Interesting.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
But you ve got to be competent as well.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
I mean, you can t have an A-plus personality and just be like a D-minus, like you re so bad at the job, they don t want you around.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I don t know how I got here, though.
1
SPEAKER_00
I was like barely past school, you know?
1
SPEAKER_00
But it s interesting.
1
SPEAKER_00
We were just talking about this event this last weekend, and one of the speakers, Vanessa Van Edwards, she s kind of like a behavioral scientist and studies people.
1
SPEAKER_00
and soft skills and all these different things.
1
SPEAKER_00
And she was like, if you wanna be interesting as a human being, it s not about how much knowledge you know or how funny stories you tell or whatever your history, it s about how interested you are in other people.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s like your ability to listen and engage and ask more questions.
1
SPEAKER_00
And when people feel that you care about them and are interested in them, they re gonna be more interested in you.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so it s kind of turning the tables around where you don t need to be that smart, but you need to be present.
1
SPEAKER_00
You need to be engaging.
1
SPEAKER_00
You need to be able to have courage to ask those questions and look someone in the eyes and just have a good energy.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I think that s part of it as well.
1
SPEAKER_00
That ll take you a long way in a career.
1
SPEAKER_00
So that s what I m hearing you say around if you re wanting to increase your income is some practical things.
1
SPEAKER_00
What about if you have
1
SPEAKER_00
a sick financial health.
1
SPEAKER_00
Um, and you re just, you re not sure where your money s at.
1
SPEAKER_00
You re not sure where you re spending your money.
1
SPEAKER_00
You re not sure how much debt you have.
1
SPEAKER_00
You re, you know, buying three lattes a day or whatever it is.
1
SPEAKER_00
And you re just like, huh, I really don t have an emergency fund.
1
SPEAKER_00
I really don t have much savings.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t have any investments and I m in debt.
1
SPEAKER_00
How can they get back to a healthy place?
1
SPEAKER_00
What are practical steps they can do?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, this is my You re Rich BFF strip method.
1
SPEAKER_00
Ooh, strip it up.
1
SPEAKER_01
So if you want to be good with money, you got to strip.
1
SPEAKER_00
Strip.
1
SPEAKER_01
So S stands for savings.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s so important to get that emergency fund first.
1
SPEAKER_01
You break your leg, something bad happens to you, you re going to need it.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
And if you don t have it, you re going to get worse into debt.
1
SPEAKER_00
So start with emergency fund.
1
SPEAKER_00
Emergency fund.
1
SPEAKER_00
What do you use?
1
SPEAKER_00
Six months?
1
SPEAKER_00
Three months?
1
SPEAKER_01
If you are a singleton who rents, three to six months is totally fine.
1
SPEAKER_01
If you ve got a family, you ve got a mortgage, the stakes are a little higher, you probably want to be closer to nine to 12.
1
SPEAKER_01
OK.
1
SPEAKER_00
Cool.
1
SPEAKER_01
T stands for total debt.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I say total debt because people think about debt as this evil thing.
1
SPEAKER_01
Not all debt is created equal.
1
SPEAKER_01
And debt with higher interest rates, things like credit card debt, when you re looking at a 22% to 25% interest rate, is a lot dicier than something like federal student loan debt.
1
SPEAKER_01
You might have like a
1
SPEAKER_01
3% interest rate on that?
1
SPEAKER_01
Those two do not compound at the same rate.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s just math.
1
SPEAKER_01
So what you do is you rank your debt from highest to lowest interest rate, and you pay it down in that order.
1
SPEAKER_01
You pay off the minimum balance of every single account.
1
SPEAKER_00
On the higher one first.
1
SPEAKER_01
So you pay off the minimum balance on everything.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay, gotcha.
1
SPEAKER_01
But any money you have left over to pay down debt, you put towards the highest interest rate.
1
SPEAKER_00
The highest first.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_00
Even if it s got, I don t know, even if it s got the least amount or the most amount of debt, it doesn t matter?
1
SPEAKER_01
It does not matter.
1
SPEAKER_01
Some people prefer the snowball, which is you ranking from
2
SPEAKER_01
smallest to largest balance.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s great positive reinforcement, because you re able to clear accounts faster, but you pay more interest.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I m an Aries.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m really impatient.
2
SPEAKER_00
So psychologically, you might be like, oh, I m getting things done faster.
2
SPEAKER_00
But you re not.
2
SPEAKER_00
But you might still be paying more in interest later.
2
SPEAKER_00
Correct.
2
SPEAKER_01
And we re talking about someone who does not have the money to afford that interest.
2
SPEAKER_01
So we got to go fastest.
2
SPEAKER_00
Got it, OK.
2
SPEAKER_01
Total debt, that s the T. Total debt.
2
SPEAKER_01
R stands for retirement.
2
SPEAKER_01
I know, especially my audience, so many people are young and they re like, they re like, it s four years away, it s 30 years away.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s like, it will be here.
2
SPEAKER_01
It will be here before you know it.
2
SPEAKER_01
And again, now I do know where this study come from.
2
SPEAKER_01
Credit Karma did a survey, and over
2
SPEAKER_01
A quarter of people over the age of 59 have not a dollar saved for retirement.
2
SPEAKER_00
Come on.
2
SPEAKER_01
Not a dollar.
2
SPEAKER_00
Over 59?
2
SPEAKER_00
25% don t have anything to save them.
2
SPEAKER_00
27% is the actual percent.
2
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
2
SPEAKER_00
Not a dollar.
2
SPEAKER_00
Why is that?
2
SPEAKER_00
Why do people wait so long to have zero retirement?
2
SPEAKER_01
I think on one hand, in part, it s education.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s that thought of I ll be young forever.
2
SPEAKER_01
Two, I will say many, many of those people are likely in lower paying jobs.
2
SPEAKER_01
They are not offered employer sponsored retirement plans.
2
SPEAKER_01
They don t know to create their own individual one.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I think things happen throughout the years.
2
SPEAKER_01
So maybe you were really responsible about putting away money for retirement.
2
SPEAKER_01
If you get sick, you can t not get treated.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s hard.
2
SPEAKER_01
Life happens.
2
SPEAKER_01
But it is important to think about retirement now.
2
SPEAKER_01
And this is my favorite part, because I love tax bennies.
2
SPEAKER_00
Tax bennies?
2
SPEAKER_01
Bennies being benefits.
2
SPEAKER_00
Tax benefits.
2
SPEAKER_01
Saving for retirement, investing for retirement,
2
SPEAKER_01
You can get tax benefits in a 401k, a Roth 401k, in an IRA, a Roth IRA.
2
SPEAKER_01
At one point, whether the money is going in or coming out, at one point, you don t have to pay taxes.
2
SPEAKER_01
And you can do that legally.
2
SPEAKER_01
The government wants you to do that.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s how it s written in the tax code, to incentivize you to do it.
2
SPEAKER_01
So take advantage.
2
SPEAKER_01
Don t pay those taxes.
2
SPEAKER_01
Make sure you are saving for retirement and not paying your taxes, because it s legal.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I think I, moving on from retirement, is the part that everybody misses.
2
SPEAKER_01
Everybody puts their cash into those retirement accounts, into their brokerage accounts, and they re like, doing a great job.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m done.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s it.
2
SPEAKER_01
But no, no, no.
2
SPEAKER_01
Investing is not putting cash into those accounts.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s actually buying stuff with that money.
2
SPEAKER_01
And people forget to do this all the time.
2
SPEAKER_00
And buying stuff with the retirement money or with separate money?
2
SPEAKER_01
No, with that money.
2
SPEAKER_01
So say you have a Roth IRA, and you put $5,000 into that Roth IRA.
2
SPEAKER_01
I know people who have put that money into their Roth IRA for years.
2
SPEAKER_01
And they never allocated those dollars anywhere.
2
SPEAKER_01
That just sat in a cash fund.
2
SPEAKER_01
And it didn t grow.
2
SPEAKER_01
And people will make comments when I make content about Roth IRAs or 401ks.
2
SPEAKER_01
And they re like, well, I don t know what you re doing, but my money hasn t grown.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m like, did you invest it?
2
SPEAKER_01
And they were like, yeah, I put it in the Roth IRA.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I m like, no, no, no, no, no.
2
SPEAKER_01
Did you go and buy index funds?
2
SPEAKER_01
Did you go and buy a mutual fund?
2
SPEAKER_01
Did you put your money into a target date retirement fund?
2
SPEAKER_00
Did you do any of that?
2
SPEAKER_00
With that money, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
With that money.
2
SPEAKER_00
Interesting.
2
SPEAKER_01
The metaphor I talk about in my book is going to the grocery store.
2
SPEAKER_01
So you go to the grocery store, which is the brokerage, and you have your cash in your purse, and you walk in.
2
SPEAKER_01
Imagine just taking a lap around the grocery store and then going home and being like, why is there no food in my fridge?
2
SPEAKER_01
That s what people do.
2
SPEAKER_01
You actually have to go and buy your fruits and your veggies and a couple snacks for yourself.
2
SPEAKER_01
You have to buy those things if you want them in your house.
2
SPEAKER_00
But most people aren t aware of that, huh?
2
SPEAKER_01
No, it s one of the biggest mistakes I see over and over again.
2
SPEAKER_01
So invest your money with the I. NP stands for, my favorite part, you ve got to plan.
2
SPEAKER_01
You do not get to have your happily ever after.
2
SPEAKER_01
You don t get to ride off into the sunset if you don t have a plan.
2
SPEAKER_01
You ve got to plan for your party.
2
SPEAKER_00
What type of plan should they be making?
2
SPEAKER_00
What s a good idea of making a plan?
2
SPEAKER_01
I think it s so important to sit down, whether it s by yourself or with your significant other, and talk about what does our happily ever look like?
2
SPEAKER_01
Are you and I retired in Naples, Florida?
2
SPEAKER_01
Or are we retired in Naples, Italy?
2
SPEAKER_01
Because the numbers for those two don t look the same.
2
SPEAKER_01
Do we help our kids pay for their private education at a college?
2
SPEAKER_01
Or are we saying take out loans?
2
SPEAKER_01
Do we want to have a pet?
2
SPEAKER_01
How many cars do we want to have?
2
SPEAKER_01
How many vacations a year are we taking?
2
SPEAKER_01
When we get married, are your parents moving into our house?
2
SPEAKER_01
Do we have to build a separate little in-law suite for them?
2
SPEAKER_01
That all costs money.
2
SPEAKER_01
And if you don t know what that looks like for you, how are you going to back your way into that number?
2
SPEAKER_01
Interesting.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, so creating that plan.
2
SPEAKER_00
Speaking of, that was great.
2
SPEAKER_00
I loved all this about getting clear on your financial health and making more.
2
SPEAKER_00
But I wanted to ask you about intimacy, relationships, money, and power.
2
SPEAKER_00
Let s do it.
2
SPEAKER_00
And you ve been in a relationship for six, seven years, engaged for a year.
2
SPEAKER_00
But you also saw people probably go through different types of power dynamics and relationships in New York City, on Wall Street, and people with lots of money.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
When you were either dating before this,
2
SPEAKER_00
the guys on the floor who d been married and divorced.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m sure you heard some crazy stories of people.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, insane.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I m sure the divorce rate is higher on Wall Street than just like middle America, I don t know, suburbs.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t know if I would say that.
2
SPEAKER_00
Really?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
Maybe they just keep it together, but they have like separate wives or something.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I don t know.
2
SPEAKER_01
Who knows?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
Three families, like on billions or something.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, oh my gosh, I was just going to say dollar bill.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, exactly.
2
SPEAKER_00
But how much does money affect intimacy and relationships?
2
SPEAKER_00
When one person has more than the other, when both have a lot, when both have a little, what have you witnessed?
2
SPEAKER_00
And personally, but also what have you experienced from your research?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Anybody who says money does not impact your relationship is a liar, OK?
2
SPEAKER_01
It is.
2
SPEAKER_01
Truly, every year they do some, somebody does a study, it s money and sex, money and sex, one and two, one and two.
2
SPEAKER_01
They go back and forth between who s number one, who s number two.
2
SPEAKER_01
But like, those are the top two reasons, always.
2
SPEAKER_01
And imagine if true physical intimacy is up there and money s right next to it, why don t we put just as much time into maintaining the money piece as we do the physical intimacy piece?
2
SPEAKER_00
On making a relationship or marriage work, you mean?
2
SPEAKER_00
Correct.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I think maybe this is just a phenomenon that I have witnessed.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I will say this from, like, a heteronormative relationship standpoint, but, like, we have a lot of guy friends who make a lot of money, and you are one of two dudes, okay?
2
SPEAKER_01
You either want a partner, truly, and, like, I know some of these guys, like, their wives, girlfriends, whatever, are, like, the coolest, most inspirational, like, they just have the coolest job, or they always have something really exciting to talk about, like, a passion project they re working on.
2
SPEAKER_01
They re just, like, so cool, and they re so
2
SPEAKER_00
Good human beings.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like, really nice.
2
SPEAKER_01
They do something.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like, they just have a lot to bring.
2
SPEAKER_01
They re always the person who s like, oh, yeah, I brought a snack for you.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m like, why do you have a snack for me?
2
SPEAKER_01
But it s like, they re just cool, thoughtful partners.
2
SPEAKER_01
Then there are other people who want a more, I would say with wives, it s more of like a traditional marriage.
2
SPEAKER_01
Someone who stays at home, who takes care of the home.
2
SPEAKER_01
And there s nothing wrong with that.
2
SPEAKER_01
When you choose these routes, I think it has a lot to do with,
2
SPEAKER_01
having been conditioned into thinking that you need to be the provider.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I will say, I think there are a lot of men out there that would not be able to handle having a significant other or a woman s significant other who makes more money than them.
2
SPEAKER_00
Really?
2
100%.
2
SPEAKER_01
Because I think it would be emasculating for some men who are not confident in their own masculinity.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
and their ability to provide in other ways that are not monetary.
2
SPEAKER_00
So do you think when a woman makes more than a man in a relationship that it eventually will fail?
2
SPEAKER_01
No.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s possible that it works out?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yes, I do.
2
SPEAKER_01
I really do.
2
SPEAKER_01
But you have to talk about that for sure.
2
SPEAKER_01
I make more than my significant other.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I asked him, I was like, does it make you uncomfortable that I make more than you?
2
SPEAKER_01
Because for the first five years of our relationship, he made way more money than I did.
2
SPEAKER_00
Really?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, he s always made more money than I did until I started Your Rich BFF.
2
SPEAKER_01
And he answered in a really, really thoughtful way.
2
SPEAKER_01
And he was like, no, why wouldn t I want you to make more money so that we can do the things we want to do faster and I can retire earlier?
2
SPEAKER_01
And I m like, OK, sick, easy.
2
SPEAKER_01
And he s like.
3
SPEAKER_00
But on top of that, you can t make your partner feel bad.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s the part that s really messed up.
3
SPEAKER_00
I think regardless of if the guy makes more or the girl makes more, where you ll see issues is where the partner who makes more leans on that money to replace actual emotional investment in the relationship.
3
SPEAKER_00
than mowing your partner $200 because you can t make that date.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s trying to buy affection instead of being like, I am so sorry.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then the next day, sending roses.
3
SPEAKER_00
You re still spending money.
3
SPEAKER_00
You re still getting a gift.
3
SPEAKER_00
You re saying sorry, but it s not so transactional and gross.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then on the women s side, it s like,
3
SPEAKER_00
making your partner feel bad that like, well, I earned this money.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s like, you know, why are you going out golfing?
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, I don t think money should be like held over anybody s head, regardless of who you are in a relationship or if just, you know, between friends, because that s going to negatively impact relationships no matter what.
3
SPEAKER_00
Right.
3
SPEAKER_01
I ve heard this.
3
SPEAKER_01
You tell me if I m, you know, off on this, but I ve heard that extremely successful
3
SPEAKER_01
It s called boss girls or whatever, boss women who are running their own business, CEOs, making money, leading the way, building inspiring things, and also extremely attractive women.
3
SPEAKER_01
don t get approached by men as much for some reason.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s what I ve heard.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t know if that s accurate or not, but that s what I ve heard.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s like if you re making a lot of money as a woman or if you re extremely attractive physically, guys are intimidated.
3
SPEAKER_01
This is what I ve heard.
3
SPEAKER_01
Why do you think men are intimidated by extremely successful financial success within women or physically attractive women?
3
SPEAKER_00
a fear of inadequacy, obviously.
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I don t mean to say like, obviously, you don t think about that.
3
SPEAKER_00
But like, I think when you see someone that you think is too good for you, whether it be through looks, through money, through anything, you would say, I d rather quit before I try.
3
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
3
SPEAKER_00
For that fear of rejection.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, it s such a fact because
3
SPEAKER_00
We have a friend who is just 10 out of 10, smoke show.
3
SPEAKER_00
She s never the one that people want to talk to at the bar.
3
SPEAKER_00
Really?
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God, never.
3
SPEAKER_00
Nobody ever talks to her.
3
SPEAKER_00
She s in the corner because everybody thinks that she will be mean to them.
3
SPEAKER_00
In fact, this- Reject them or be mean.
3
SPEAKER_00
A-plus personality, just, like, so beautiful, like, I can only say good things, but no one ever approaches her because they think that she will instantaneously think she s too good for them.
3
SPEAKER_00
Whereas like, if we re keeping it real, there are certainly girls who are not as conventionally attractive as this one friend, but guys feel very compelled.
3
SPEAKER_00
They re like, well, this girl and I are probably in the same league and she seems fun.
3
SPEAKER_00
I ll give this one a go.
3
SPEAKER_00
And that is just so much more approachable because they think that it s essentially like saying no to yourself.
3
SPEAKER_00
or applying for a job that you think you re unqualified for.
3
SPEAKER_00
People are quitting before they try.
3
SPEAKER_01
Wow, interesting.
3
SPEAKER_01
Do you think it s harder for men to approach a smoke show of a woman, I guess, aesthetically versus someone who s making more money than them?
3
SPEAKER_01
Or is it harder to approach someone making more money than them?
3
SPEAKER_00
I think it s harder to approach someone who s visually attractive because it s hard to instantaneously judge, being like, that woman makes more money than me, right?
3
SPEAKER_00
I think there s also a lot of mental gymnastics that can go into it.
3
SPEAKER_00
I know what people say about me on the internet.
3
SPEAKER_00
I see the comments.
3
SPEAKER_00
People are like, so it s daddy s money.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s not.
3
SPEAKER_00
I made it.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s my money.
3
SPEAKER_00
I invested it.
3
SPEAKER_00
Or, oh, she s a trust fund baby.
3
SPEAKER_00
Or, did she win the lotto?
3
SPEAKER_00
No one ever just wants to believe that you earned your money or that you deserve it.
3
SPEAKER_00
They always want to make some excuse for themselves so that they can sleep at night.
3
SPEAKER_00
If they look at someone like me, who has made it themselves, with certain privileges that I will not deny, but who was able to do it, and they, in their 29-year-old life, have not been able to do it, they feel shortcomings.
3
SPEAKER_01
I wonder what your fiance, if you met now, right, as opposed to meeting six years ago when he had more money than you and then the dynamics have shifted.
3
SPEAKER_01
I wonder if it s harder for a guy to meet a woman who has more money than them in this moment versus, okay, we ve kind of grown up in a sense and now, oh, she s just crushing it now and that s exciting.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s probably a different dynamic, I would think, than if it s like, okay, you re making twice as much as me.
3
SPEAKER_01
what is it gonna take for a man to be emotionally, spiritually, you know, prepared to connect with a woman for the first time that s making a lot more than them?
3
SPEAKER_01
What do they need to do in order to be comfortable?
3
SPEAKER_01
And is that, you know, dynamic something that you ve seen work in relationships?
3
SPEAKER_00
That s such a good question because if I m being honest,
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if my fiance and I, if we met now, would be together.
3
SPEAKER_01
Really?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
Holy moly.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if he s going to like that I said that.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m taking into account a bunch of other things, right?
3
SPEAKER_00
Like how busy my schedule is, how I end up living in a gazillion different places.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m only in one place every single week.
3
SPEAKER_01
But... You have history, but if you were meeting now, it d be different, right?
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, I think about, like, I was talking to him, because I was talking to some other creator friends.
3
SPEAKER_00
I was like, I don t know how I would date now.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, I don t know who would even possibly be cool with the lifestyle I have.
3
SPEAKER_00
Right.
3
SPEAKER_00
We have history.
3
SPEAKER_00
You knew me back when I was swinging from the chandeliers in my early 20s.
3
SPEAKER_01
Which probably makes him even more desirable for you, because he knew you before you met him.
3
SPEAKER_00
Because he liked me when I was just little old me with my roach-infested apartment and he was helping me move out.
3
SPEAKER_00
He liked me then.
3
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
3
SPEAKER_00
you know, I was at my worst.
3
SPEAKER_00
And now that, you know, I ve struck it big, like, he s the first person I want to call when something happens.
3
SPEAKER_00
And when I go on vacation, and we are just, you know, watching a movie on the iPad every night, like, that s my happy ever after.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, you get to have that moment.
3
SPEAKER_00
You re like, we did this together.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s cool.
3
SPEAKER_00
I have seen relationships where the woman makes significantly more work.
3
SPEAKER_00
I think for men, you have to ascribe value in yourself that isn t tied to a dollar sign.
3
SPEAKER_00
So what do you bring to the table aside from just an income?
3
SPEAKER_00
Because for so long,
3
SPEAKER_00
you know, this traditional sense of, like, breadwinner.
3
SPEAKER_00
You know, back in our grandparents  parents  days, it made sense because you could survive off of a single income.
3
SPEAKER_00
Right.
3
SPEAKER_00
And, you know, your wife would be at home making you dinners, la-da-da-da.
3
SPEAKER_00
Now, more and more people have to be in dual-income homes.
3
SPEAKER_00
And for some men, when they see women who are making a ton of money, like, if they can t
3
SPEAKER_00
hold up their end of the bargain, they feel lesser than.
3
SPEAKER_00
But if a man can really do, and you have to do a lot of soul searching to do this, is like, I am able to bring to the table
3
SPEAKER_00
love and compassion and care.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I take care of the home.
3
SPEAKER_00
I have an incredible relationship with my children.
3
SPEAKER_00
I am able to support my wife in a way that if I was working full time, maybe I wouldn t.
3
SPEAKER_00
Or even if you are working full time, I still support my wife.
3
SPEAKER_00
I am the person who does all of the planning, who manages x, y, z in the house.
3
SPEAKER_00
You have to find value in other places.
3
SPEAKER_00
Or I think of like,
3
SPEAKER_00
the little things that I value that my partner does.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, he knows how crazy busy I am.
3
SPEAKER_00
So he ll be like, I have picked the location of our next vacation.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m like, all right, tell me where we re going.
3
SPEAKER_00
And he does all the research.
3
SPEAKER_00
And he s like, we re going to take this flight to this thing.
3
SPEAKER_00
We re going to make this transfer.
3
SPEAKER_00
This is the hotel we re going to stay at.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I m like, cool, love it, done.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, I don t want to think about it twice.
3
SPEAKER_00
But he loves doing that.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s cool.
3
SPEAKER_01
And he s also contributing financially.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s not that he doesn t have any money.
3
SPEAKER_00
In any other reality, he would be the breadwinner.
3
SPEAKER_00
He makes a ton of money.
3
SPEAKER_00
I own my own company.
3
SPEAKER_01
So it s a different ballgame.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s a different ballgame.
3
SPEAKER_01
Do you think women can truly respect men if they are making a lot more than them?
3
SPEAKER_01
Meeting and kind of dating at that point when they re already making more, not kind of building up and making more eventually, but do you think women
4
SPEAKER_02
can truly respect the man they re with if they make a lot more than them?
4
SPEAKER_00
I d like to think so.
4
SPEAKER_00
I hesitated for too long, didn t I?
4
SPEAKER_02
You d like to think so.
4
SPEAKER_02
But I don t know.
4
SPEAKER_02
Just from the experience of the research you ve done, the industry you re in around money, the financial world, the people you know, do the women truly respect them?
4
SPEAKER_02
Or is it always a little something underneath the surface that s like, OK, he adds value in lots of other ways.
4
SPEAKER_02
I m providing financially for this life.
4
SPEAKER_02
Do you feel like the woman can truly respect that man?
4
SPEAKER_00
I do because I ve seen enough examples of it.
4
SPEAKER_00
I know quite a few women who make more than their significant other.
4
SPEAKER_00
My mom made more than my dad.
4
SPEAKER_02
But that was after a period of time.
4
SPEAKER_02
It wasn t like they met and she s making a lot more in the beginning, right?
4
SPEAKER_02
When they re like in their 20s.
4
SPEAKER_02
You see what I m saying?
4
SPEAKER_02
It s like, they grew up and then she started to learn.
4
SPEAKER_00
That, admittedly, I m not 100% sure.
4
SPEAKER_00
I know that since immigrating to the US, my mom had an easier time learning the language than my dad did.
4
SPEAKER_00
So she s always made more money.
4
SPEAKER_00
Gotcha.
4
SPEAKER_00
I know all of my women creator friends all make more than their significant others.
4
SPEAKER_00
I mean, take Margot Robbie, for example.
4
SPEAKER_00
Her husband was, I think, a producer or part of the crew on one of her shoots.
4
SPEAKER_00
And they met.
4
SPEAKER_00
He ended up just being like,
4
SPEAKER_00
someone she gelled with so hard, and now they re married.
4
SPEAKER_00
Right.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I think it works.
4
SPEAKER_00
I do think, like, you can, like, I think society ties so much of human value and respect to the dollar value next to your name, and it doesn t have to be that way.
4
SPEAKER_00
Right.
4
SPEAKER_02
That s great.
4
SPEAKER_02
I want to ask you about
4
SPEAKER_02
where you think the world is going with money over the next year or two.
4
SPEAKER_02
There s been a lot of changes over the last few years with the financial world, with interest rates, with real estate, with people losing jobs, with whoever knows what s happening.
4
SPEAKER_02
How can we be prepared for what s to come financially?
4
SPEAKER_02
Whether it s incredible financially or it s a nightmare financially.
4
SPEAKER_02
What can we do today to start being better prepared so that we are not as affected as we could be?
4
SPEAKER_00
I think diversification is really important.
4
SPEAKER_00
So that s making sure that you have that emergency fund, making sure that there s money you are investing in the stock market through index funds that are all diversified.
4
SPEAKER_00
You re not just buying one stock and being like, that s it.
4
SPEAKER_02
Roll the dice.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it s not like that.
4
SPEAKER_00
You want to be really diversified.
4
SPEAKER_00
You want to be buying some bonds.
4
SPEAKER_00
You want to be buying equities.
4
SPEAKER_00
You want to consider maybe investing in real estate.
4
SPEAKER_00
Maybe that s buying an actual physical property or just investing in funds or something like that.
4
SPEAKER_00
I also think that there is a disconnect right now from a mindset perspective of a lot of people.
4
SPEAKER_00
Not to get on this like rah-rah soapbox again, but...
4
SPEAKER_00
So many people now aspire to a life that, frankly, they will never be within their means.
4
SPEAKER_03
Wow.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I say that, and I know it s harsh.
4
SPEAKER_00
But keeping up with the Joneses has become keeping up with the Kardashians.
4
SPEAKER_00
Because you have it all on your phone.
4
SPEAKER_00
You can see this immense amount of wealth that, like, in any other reality, like, before our parents  time, our grandparents  time, you were never able to see it.
4
SPEAKER_02
Right.
4
SPEAKER_00
like people have always had yachts but now you see a yacht like every other day you re like par for the course like this is great whatever like i should have a yacht too and so you ve got people spending money like it s going out of style to keep up and it doesn t make sense i know people who only take black cars i
4
SPEAKER_00
make seven figures a year, and I am ready to get into the Toyota Camry that picks me up.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like, it s crazy to me that there is just, again,
4
SPEAKER_00
this almost desire to fake it till you make it, of this trend of de lulu, delusional.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yes, in some ways it s great, because you want to apply for jobs that you re unqualified for.
4
SPEAKER_00
You want to do things that are outside of your comfort zone.
4
SPEAKER_00
But that can also put you in a really precarious situation.
4
SPEAKER_00
very quickly.
4
SPEAKER_02
I see these clips on TikTok and different places of an interviewer asking random women in their 20s, like, OK, what type of man do you want to be with?
4
SPEAKER_02
And how much do you think he s supposed to have?
4
SPEAKER_02
And they re like, he should be making $400,000 a year.
4
SPEAKER_02
And he should be six foot tall.
4
SPEAKER_02
Otherwise, I won t date him.
4
SPEAKER_02
And they re like, okay, the percentage of people who are 30 years old that are making $100,000 a year is so slim.
4
SPEAKER_02
And then you re talking about 300,000, a millionaire, it s so slim.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then they re like, 6 2 , you re like, you got four people.
4
SPEAKER_02
I know, right.
4
SPEAKER_02
Like, I can lift the four.
4
SPEAKER_02
And they re also like, what are you going to contribute to this relationship?
4
SPEAKER_02
Well, I m just going to, you know, show up and just... I m being hot.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I m just going to be hot.
4
SPEAKER_02
And there s kind of this delusion, like you talk about, where I m going to get the richest guy, they re going to give me everything I want at all times, whenever I want it.
4
SPEAKER_02
And they re going to like that.
4
SPEAKER_02
Like in what world?
4
SPEAKER_02
Exactly.
4
SPEAKER_02
In what world?
4
SPEAKER_02
And it s just a little delusional.
4
SPEAKER_02
What do you think is going to happen over these next few years as people s beliefs and philosophy around what they think they re deserving, when they don t get it after a few years, what do you think is going to happen as the financial world continues to evolve and shift and break down or build up in certain ways?
4
SPEAKER_01
I think there s going to be a real painful, like, come to Jesus moment.
4
SPEAKER_01
Really?
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Because to your point, unfortunately, I m saying this as a woman, I really have thought about this very deeply.
4
SPEAKER_00
Women who bring nothing more to the table than their good looks have a depreciating asset.
4
SPEAKER_02
Man, women don t want to hear that.
4
SPEAKER_00
I know they don t want to hear that.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t want to say that, but it s true.
4
SPEAKER_02
It is true.
4
SPEAKER_00
You need to be able to bring something else.
4
SPEAKER_00
Whether that s your own money for you, you made it, you spend it, it s yours.
4
SPEAKER_00
You need to take care of yourself.
4
SPEAKER_00
Sure, if you want, like, let me tell you, I m a rich woman.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m gonna be marrying a very rich man.
4
SPEAKER_00
We re gonna be rich together.
4
SPEAKER_00
I love that.
4
SPEAKER_00
Love that for me.
4
SPEAKER_02
I love that for me.
4
SPEAKER_00
I love that for me.
4
SPEAKER_00
But like,
4
SPEAKER_00
you have a depreciating asset, right?
4
SPEAKER_00
Because you are the hottest you will ever be in your 20s, right?
4
SPEAKER_00
Maybe in your 30s, because the 30s are the new 20.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m telling myself that because I m 29.
4
SPEAKER_00
40 comes, 50 comes, 60 comes.
4
SPEAKER_02
There s a younger, hotter girl out there now.
4
SPEAKER_00
There s always a younger, hotter girl.
4
SPEAKER_00
And that guy in that TikTok video who s making $400,000 a year, who s over 6 2 , you know, whatever, and is 30 years old,
4
SPEAKER_00
He s going to date the best that he can in that dating pool and eventually it won t be you anymore.
4
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
4
SPEAKER_00
You need to protect yourself.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I see this all the time because I get DMs from people who are like, I was married to my husband for 20 years.
4
SPEAKER_00
He just left me for some, you know, little young thing.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t have a dollar to my name.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t know the passwords to any of our accounts.
4
SPEAKER_00
What do I do?
4
SPEAKER_00
And that breaks my heart.
4
SPEAKER_00
It breaks my heart because
4
SPEAKER_00
You have to rebuild.
4
SPEAKER_00
You have to start from kind of scratch.
4
SPEAKER_00
Ideally, you know, you have to get divorced.
4
SPEAKER_00
You have to go through court, get money.
4
SPEAKER_00
But like, you got to start from scratch, which is why I always tell people, have your own money, especially for women.
4
SPEAKER_03
Wow.
4
SPEAKER_00
Sure, you can, you know, if you want to go after the richest guy, ask him to buy you everything under the sun, great.
4
SPEAKER_00
You better still be working that job.
4
SPEAKER_00
You better keep your own money.
4
SPEAKER_00
You got to take care of yourself.
4
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Because one day, they may not be there.
4
SPEAKER_00
But you never wake up and your job doesn t love you back or your money doesn t love you back.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s important to take care of yourself.
4
SPEAKER_00
And that s also why I m a huge proponent of getting a prenup.
4
SPEAKER_02
I was just going to ask you this.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_02
I was going to ask you this.
4
SPEAKER_02
Why should women want a prenup as much as men want a prenup?
4
SPEAKER_00
Because even if you don t sign one, you get one.
4
SPEAKER_00
But the government gets to write it.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I don t trust the government as far as I can throw them.
4
SPEAKER_03
Interesting.
4
SPEAKER_00
You have a prenup whether you write it or not.
4
SPEAKER_00
And that is what everybody has to remember.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay?
4
SPEAKER_00
Creating a prenup, I get it, it s not the sexiest thing, but it doesn t have to be a, you know, horror movie situation where when you get divorced one person is rich and one person is left destitute.
4
SPEAKER_00
A prenup is truly just an agreement when you and your significant other are in a good place to hash out the details now.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like, no one said
5
SPEAKER_00
the negative stuff that they say about prenups, about car insurance.
5
SPEAKER_00
Why do you buy car insurance?
5
SPEAKER_00
Because you might get in a crash.
5
SPEAKER_00
Right.
5
SPEAKER_00
But no one wants to get in a crash.
5
SPEAKER_01
It may not be your fault.
5
SPEAKER_00
It may not be your fault.
5
SPEAKER_00
But when 50% of marriages are ending in divorce and you re not getting insurance, that s insane.
5
SPEAKER_00
That is insane.
5
SPEAKER_01
That s true.
5
SPEAKER_00
So I think getting a prenup, getting it in writing, like, hey, if I am a
5
SPEAKER_00
A more traditional role, if I am in the home, you are the breadwinner.
5
SPEAKER_00
If we do get divorced, I need to be compensated for those 10 years that I was not working because that costs money and I need to be taken care of.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s okay to say.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, wow.
5
SPEAKER_00
There s value in adding to the home.
5
SPEAKER_01
100%.
5
SPEAKER_01
What do you think someone should say?
5
SPEAKER_01
How can someone start the conversation of, hey, I think we should get a prenup?
5
SPEAKER_01
What should that conversation look like so it s the least amount of stress and can be actually enjoyable to address and talk about?
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
So I think it s very hard if your first financial conversation with your significant other is
5
SPEAKER_00
I want a prenup because it s a little dicey.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s a little hurtful.
5
SPEAKER_00
But if you are even in that vague stage of potentially proposing, potentially getting married to somebody, you should have already been talking about money.
5
SPEAKER_00
Because the very first document that you and your partner sign probably isn t a marriage license.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s your first leave.
5
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
5
SPEAKER_00
And you guys had to talk about how to split that rent in two.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yep.
5
SPEAKER_00
You guys have to talk about who s paying for what on vacation.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s true.
5
SPEAKER_00
You guys talk about who pays for the groceries, who s paying the electric bill, who s paying the Wi-Fi, who s doing all that.
5
SPEAKER_00
You re living together, probably.
5
SPEAKER_00
Most couples live together before they get more government involved.
5
SPEAKER_01
At least in America, yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
In America, I would say.
5
SPEAKER_00
But you want to be having a financial check-in with your significant other pretty regularly.
5
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
5
SPEAKER_00
I would say.
5
SPEAKER_01
How does that look like for you?
5
SPEAKER_01
You know, with your fiancee?
5
SPEAKER_00
We like check in like every couple of days.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
For different things.
5
SPEAKER_00
So it s, hey, did we make sure to set aside that money because we re going on vacation and we want to make sure that when the deposit hits, we have it.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s set.
5
SPEAKER_00
Great.
5
SPEAKER_00
And that s fun, right?
5
SPEAKER_00
Talking about that money because you re excited to go on vacation.
5
SPEAKER_00
And when you re having these conversations regularly, they desensitize.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s less scary.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s less scary, because you ve already talked about it.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s not anxious anymore.
5
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
5
SPEAKER_00
If we ve already talked about how you have student debt, and I m still cool marrying you, and we ve talked about how I have credit card debt, and you re still cool marrying me, it s less scary when you talk about money to get married.
5
SPEAKER_01
When did you first talk about prenup in your relationship?
5
SPEAKER_00
You re talking about prenup?
5
SPEAKER_01
Or have you not talked about it yet?
5
SPEAKER_00
No, we have.
5
SPEAKER_00
No, we have.
5
SPEAKER_00
We already know what the exact terms of our prenup are going to be.
5
SPEAKER_01
Was that early in the relationship?
5
SPEAKER_01
Or was that after you got engaged?
5
SPEAKER_00
Before the engagement.
5
SPEAKER_01
Before you got engaged.
5
SPEAKER_00
Before the engagement.
5
SPEAKER_00
You know, I think it was really when Urich BFF started to take off.
5
SPEAKER_00
We had already been together for years.
5
SPEAKER_00
So we both kind of, you know, the writing was on the wall.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like, it wasn t so much of an if as so much of a when.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, hey, can we talk about something?
5
SPEAKER_00
And he was like, uh, OK, what s up?
5
SPEAKER_00
Very ominous.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, oh, I just wanted to say I d like to get a prenup when we get married.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I will say, I think he was a little taken aback at first.
5
SPEAKER_01
Interesting.
5
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, just hear me out, OK?
5
SPEAKER_00
This is actually in your benefit.
5
SPEAKER_00
And he was like, all right, spin the lie.
5
SPEAKER_00
Go ahead.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, no, seriously, because.
5
SPEAKER_01
Is he older or younger?
5
SPEAKER_00
He s like a year and a half older.
5
SPEAKER_01
So we re roughly the same age.
5
SPEAKER_00
The first five years of our relationship, he made more money than me.
5
SPEAKER_00
And as such, he has been incredibly good and incredibly fair to me.
5
SPEAKER_01
Generous.
5
SPEAKER_00
Very generous.
5
SPEAKER_00
He always paid more rent than I did.
5
SPEAKER_00
It was not a 50-50 split.
5
SPEAKER_00
When we would go on vacation, it was not a 50-50 split.
5
SPEAKER_00
He would pay for all of our meals out.
5
SPEAKER_00
I rarely paid for stuff like that.
5
SPEAKER_01
Activities, movies.
5
SPEAKER_01
Correct.
5
SPEAKER_01
Events.
5
SPEAKER_00
He paid for all of it because he made more money.
5
SPEAKER_00
And all of the money that I did not spend, I had been saving and investing.
5
SPEAKER_00
And when we bought our home together, when we put in our down payment, I put in six figures more than he did.
5
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, in our prenup, I wanted to say that we are 50-50 partners in this house.
5
SPEAKER_00
We are 50-50 partners on every dollar both of us are taking into this relationship.
5
SPEAKER_00
And if anything were to happen, we would split every dollar in every account 50-50, except I want a full carve out of my business.
5
SPEAKER_00
You can t touch it.
5
SPEAKER_00
You can t make decisions on it.
5
SPEAKER_00
You get no equity.
5
SPEAKER_00
Because if my ex-husband had an equity stake in my company, there is not a single agent, there s not a single manager, not a single company that would touch it with a 10-foot pole.
5
SPEAKER_00
Do you know how hard it would be to make business decisions with someone who hates you?
5
SPEAKER_00
So hard.
5
SPEAKER_00
So when I explained it to him that way, he was like, OK, that actually makes a lot of sense.
5
SPEAKER_00
He was like, sure, I ve helped you hold the phone to film a couple of videos, but you built this on your own.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s your thing?
5
SPEAKER_00
All the income that your business will have generated during the time that we re married, during the time before we were married,
5
SPEAKER_00
It s 50-50.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s all 50-50.
5
SPEAKER_01
On both of your incomes.
5
SPEAKER_00
Both of our incomes.
5
SPEAKER_00
Any money that he brings in, I have 50% of it.
5
SPEAKER_00
And it s great because it s almost a true up moment for all those years that he spent paying for dinner, that he spent paying for the locations.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I would like to think of when I put in more money to the house, that had kind of gotten us to even, but now
5
SPEAKER_00
We are continuing to be 50-50 partners.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I think about it this way.
5
SPEAKER_00
People ask me this all the time.
5
SPEAKER_00
They re like, but you make a lot more money.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s not going to be 50-50.
5
SPEAKER_00
You would have been better off had you kept several bank accounts.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I m like, yeah, but if I didn t have this job, if I had continued with my regular job and I was making great money, he would still be making more than me, and he would never, ever give me less than 50.
5
SPEAKER_00
So I don t want to give him less than 50.
5
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
5
SPEAKER_01
That s pretty cool.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
And also it s for him, like if in five years he wants to go and take a risk and start a business, and what if it takes off and he s making more, then you re both still contributing the income 50-50.
5
SPEAKER_01
And it sounds like you wouldn t have his business either then.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
Or who knows, maybe you would.
5
SPEAKER_00
No, we d have to get that put in.
5
SPEAKER_01
Exactly, yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
So that s interesting.
5
SPEAKER_01
I like that.
5
SPEAKER_01
And he took it well.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, he did.
5
SPEAKER_01
Do you think men take it better if a woman proposes a prenup than
5
SPEAKER_01
If a man proposes to a woman, hey.
5
SPEAKER_01
I want to have a prenup.
5
SPEAKER_01
How can a man approach it?
5
SPEAKER_01
And to their girlfriend or fiancee, I m like, hey, I want to have a prenuptial agreement.
5
SPEAKER_01
What do you think they can do to lessen the blow?
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
I think every prenup is unique because you get to dictate the terms.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
5
SPEAKER_00
If a man is saying to someone who is also bringing a lot to the table or makes their own money or they ve kind of decided they want a traditional relationship, whatever, like we want to have a prenup, I think
5
SPEAKER_00
there s a way to posture and position it and be like, we are doing this for the benefit of our marriage, not for the benefit of me.
5
SPEAKER_00
And it actually has to be the case.
5
SPEAKER_00
The terms can t be a crazy, you know, ridiculous, like, if we get divorced, I get 95, you get five.
5
SPEAKER_00
You get nothing.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it can t be that.
5
SPEAKER_00
Because in that case, they should be offended by their prenup.
5
SPEAKER_00
Right.
5
SPEAKER_00
I think what we see as outrage on a lot of reality TV is, frankly, let s just call a spade a spade, certain people dating other people for their money and nothing else being offended when asked for a prenup.
5
SPEAKER_00
When it s like, why would you be entitled to that money?
5
SPEAKER_01
Can I fully trust you?
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
I don t think they should be getting married anyway, frankly.
5
SPEAKER_00
So I think if a prenup is coming from the right place, it s cool.
5
SPEAKER_00
If it s coming from the wrong place, in a place where you re like, I need to protect myself, I m really scared about this person, why are you marrying them?
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s something that, especially because you guys met when you were in your young 20s, it sounds like.
5
SPEAKER_01
I just turned 40 this year.
5
SPEAKER_00
You don t look a day over 25.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, right.
5
SPEAKER_01
My girlfriend, she s, you know, same age, and she s had a very successful career on her own for the last 20 years.
5
SPEAKER_00
I ve had my business... Which, by the way, that doesn t surprise me.
5
SPEAKER_01
Why?
5
SPEAKER_00
That you would choose someone like that.
5
SPEAKER_01
I felt like I needed a true partner, you know, that was... That s what I said, right?
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I felt like I needed a true partner that was resourceful on her own, you know?
5
SPEAKER_01
And if she ends up making more than me, I m like, cool, make it, make it.
5
SPEAKER_00
Sick, please.
5
SPEAKER_01
You know, that s...
6
SPEAKER_01
Well done.
6
SPEAKER_01
Retire me.
6
SPEAKER_01
And I want her to thrive.
6
SPEAKER_01
I want her to make as much money as she can.
6
SPEAKER_01
So it s like the fact that she s been resourceful for 20 years of building her career.
6
SPEAKER_01
She really started her career when she was like 16 in the acting world.
6
SPEAKER_01
So I m like, awesome.
6
SPEAKER_01
And I remember saying like, listen, you know, early in dating I was like, you know,
6
SPEAKER_01
How do you feel about money in a relationship?
6
SPEAKER_01
Because we were talking about what marriage would look like early on as us dating.
6
SPEAKER_01
Do you want to be married?
6
SPEAKER_01
Do you want to have kids?
6
SPEAKER_01
And we re having those questions.
6
SPEAKER_01
And I go, listen, what s your thoughts on what if we didn t work out and we were married?
6
SPEAKER_01
She s like, listen.
6
SPEAKER_01
your money is yours.
6
SPEAKER_01
She said this to me early on.
6
SPEAKER_01
She was like, your business, your money is yours.
6
SPEAKER_01
I m not dating you or wanting to be in a committed relationship with you long-term or married because if it doesn t work out, I want your business.
6
SPEAKER_01
And it gave me a lot of peace, like emotional, mental peace being like, oh,
6
SPEAKER_01
My money is mine, and her money is hers.
6
SPEAKER_01
I m not trying to take her IP for the last 20 years.
6
SPEAKER_01
I don t want your life s work if we don t work out.
6
SPEAKER_01
And so it gave me a lot of peace early on in the relationship to talk about those things.
6
SPEAKER_01
We didn t say, OK, we re going to have a pre-nump and all these things.
6
SPEAKER_01
But we were just talking about money early on, which makes it a little less stressful.
6
SPEAKER_01
I think that s helpful to have these conversations.
6
SPEAKER_01
I love this approach to pre-nump.
6
SPEAKER_01
I ve got about 10, 15 more minutes I want to talk to you.
6
SPEAKER_01
Be mindful of time.
6
SPEAKER_01
I feel like I could talk another two hours on this stuff.
6
SPEAKER_01
But I wanted to ask you about the job market right now.
6
SPEAKER_01
And it seems like a lot of people are getting laid off.
6
SPEAKER_01
These mass layoffs at big companies.
6
SPEAKER_01
And there s uncertainty financially with where the economy is going, what we already talked about.
6
SPEAKER_01
What do you think people can do to set themselves up for success or protect themselves at their current company to ensure that they re not one of those mass layoffs, either in the near future or sometime in the future afterwards?
6
SPEAKER_01
And how can they start to predict if they might be someone who is going to get laid off?
6
SPEAKER_00
So you want to make yourself essentially irreplaceable.
6
SPEAKER_00
And the way to do that is to make yourself a key point of failure.
6
SPEAKER_00
So this is something that like
6
SPEAKER_00
Like, big consulting firms go and find key points of failure.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s something like the one IT guy who has all the passwords, or the one social media manager who is the only person who knows where the analytics folder is.
6
SPEAKER_00
Like, you want to be that, right?
6
SPEAKER_00
You want to make sure that this business cannot operate without you.
6
SPEAKER_01
What if a business is already smart enough?
6
SPEAKER_01
They re like, OK, we have backups for everything.
6
SPEAKER_01
We have processes in order.
6
SPEAKER_01
What if they ve already got that process?
6
SPEAKER_00
Most businesses are.
6
SPEAKER_00
So I think it s finding a way to make yourself indispensable by still being a key point of failure in that like, oh, I am on the sales team.
6
SPEAKER_00
I m the number one gal.
6
SPEAKER_00
I m the number one guy.
6
SPEAKER_00
If they lost me, they would lose 25% of the year s revenue.
6
SPEAKER_00
Because guess what?
6
SPEAKER_00
You re not gone.
6
SPEAKER_00
You re never going to be gone.
6
SPEAKER_00
They will hold on to you till the very end.
6
SPEAKER_01
If you re bringing in money and revenue and growth, you are hard to replace.
6
SPEAKER_00
Hard to replace.
6
SPEAKER_00
Hard to replace.
6
SPEAKER_00
Then there s other people who have jobs that are considered cost center.
6
SPEAKER_00
So you cost the business money.
6
SPEAKER_00
And in some situations, it s very much necessary.
6
SPEAKER_00
Maybe the person who fixes everybody s computers does not create revenue for the business.
6
SPEAKER_00
But if the one IT guy gets fired, we re screwed.
6
SPEAKER_00
My laptop blows up.
6
SPEAKER_00
How do I get a new laptop?
6
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
6
SPEAKER_00
You know, top salesperson.
6
SPEAKER_00
In case you don t have the Wi-Fi.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
The top salesperson cannot log in.
6
SPEAKER_00
What happens?
6
SPEAKER_00
Like, it completely creates a point of failure.
6
SPEAKER_00
So you want to make sure that you can be that person.
6
SPEAKER_00
Be the go-to guy.
6
SPEAKER_00
Be the go-to gal.
6
SPEAKER_00
Go-to gal.
6
SPEAKER_00
And creating that indispensable nature is how you provide yourself job security.
6
SPEAKER_00
Being the best at what you do.
6
SPEAKER_00
Really.
6
SPEAKER_00
Like, I think we also need to just be honest.
6
SPEAKER_00
I ask everybody to ask for a raise every single year.
6
SPEAKER_00
But you need to lean back and really ask yourself, do I deserve this?
6
SPEAKER_00
Am I actually working hard?
6
SPEAKER_00
Am I actually producing good work?
6
SPEAKER_00
Because a lot of people aren t.
6
SPEAKER_01
They re not.
6
SPEAKER_00
They re not.
6
SPEAKER_01
They re coasting.
6
SPEAKER_00
If you re cutting out of work at 3 PM every day and you were doing the bare minimum,
6
SPEAKER_00
Like, you re going to be on the chopping block.
6
SPEAKER_01
You should know that.
6
SPEAKER_01
Why do people expect to get big raises or big pay increases by just doing the bare minimum?
6
SPEAKER_01
Why do you think people think they deserve a 10% raise for just doing the job minimum?
6
SPEAKER_00
Well, in recent years, because of how the job market s been, it s been a employee s market, meaning there was always another company that was willing to hire.
6
SPEAKER_00
There was this massive COVID boom, actually, where it was the great resignation.
6
SPEAKER_00
People were leaving jobs left, right, and center because they could get paid more somewhere else.
6
SPEAKER_01
Now, right now it s doing this.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s coming back in.
6
SPEAKER_00
And you have to be good at your job.
6
SPEAKER_00
Let me be clear.
6
SPEAKER_00
Again, those A-plus employees, they re still leaving jobs.
6
SPEAKER_00
They re still going to new places.
6
SPEAKER_00
They re still getting paid.
6
SPEAKER_00
And they always will be.
6
SPEAKER_00
Because if you re really good, there will always be somewhere and somebody who wants you.
6
SPEAKER_00
But for people who are doing the bare minimum,
6
SPEAKER_00
It s harder to hide now, because when things at the top and the bottom line revenue is not so frothy, they have to trim fat.
6
SPEAKER_00
And if you re doing the bare minimum, you re going to be the first on the chopping block.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
So I think it s important about making yourself indispensable and actually doing good work.
6
SPEAKER_00
Right.
6
SPEAKER_00
But in terms of like,
6
SPEAKER_00
prepping for a layoff.
6
SPEAKER_00
Again, I think it s important to have that emergency fund.
6
SPEAKER_00
I ve made content about this, but just check those warn notices every so often.
6
SPEAKER_00
Basically, if you just Google your state and warn notice.
6
SPEAKER_00
W-A-R-N.
6
SPEAKER_01
Warn notice.
6
SPEAKER_00
Warn notice, warn act.
6
SPEAKER_00
It is
6
SPEAKER_00
Basically, any corporation with over a certain number of employees needs to give notice when they re doing a mass layoff.
6
SPEAKER_00
Lots of companies try and skirt this by getting rid of a slightly odd number below the threshold or giving just enough time, whatever.
6
SPEAKER_00
But just check.
6
SPEAKER_00
I think it s important just to have an eye out and be like, oh, wow, OK, a lot of companies in the hotel and hospitality space are laying off a bunch of employees.
6
SPEAKER_00
My employer s not on this list, but I might be soon.
6
SPEAKER_01
Who knows, yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
What skills should employees be developing throughout the year or years at a career or multiple careers?
6
SPEAKER_01
What can they develop to make themselves more indispensable?
6
SPEAKER_01
Besides just like, OK, I m doing the job and I m showing up and doing it, but should I be taking classes?
6
SPEAKER_01
Should I be learning public speaking?
6
SPEAKER_01
Should I be some other skills learning to make myself more desirable at the current job or on another place?
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
I think every job, being good at your technical skills is great.
6
SPEAKER_00
But you want to have transferable skills.
6
SPEAKER_00
And these are the sauce skills.
6
SPEAKER_01
Bring it.
6
SPEAKER_01
What is it?
6
SPEAKER_01
What is it?
6
SPEAKER_00
Tell me.
6
SPEAKER_00
Again, it goes back to those fork and knife skills.
6
SPEAKER_00
You want to be able to have a conversation with just about anyone.
6
SPEAKER_00
You want to be able to make someone feel special.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I feel so lucky because after my stint on Wall Street, I went and worked at a media company.
6
SPEAKER_00
in strategy sales.
6
SPEAKER_00
And let me tell you, sales, that is another beast because you eat what you kill.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I got some sales training that my company obviously paid thousands and thousands of dollars for.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I don t remember any of it except for one thing, WIIFM.
6
SPEAKER_00
So you guess what that means.
6
SPEAKER_01
W-I-F-M.
6
SPEAKER_01
Oh, two I s.
6
SPEAKER_00
Two I s.
6
SPEAKER_00
F-M.
6
SPEAKER_01
F-M.
6
SPEAKER_01
I was thinking what if something, but I m not sure.
6
SPEAKER_00
Okay, so you got the W. What?
6
SPEAKER_00
What s in it for me.
6
SPEAKER_01
Ah, yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
So we always know what we want.
6
SPEAKER_00
What s in it for us.
6
SPEAKER_00
But what s in it for me for the other person?
6
SPEAKER_00
Why do they need to help you do that thing?
6
SPEAKER_00
And this is how I always get what I want.
6
SPEAKER_00
I, no, no, think about it.
6
SPEAKER_00
I always think at the other end of the table, what s in it for that person?
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s like the prenup.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s the prenup.
6
SPEAKER_01
What s in it for your fiance?
6
SPEAKER_00
What s in it for my fiance?
6
SPEAKER_00
What s in it for, you know, I ll talk about you.
6
SPEAKER_00
But I know that you have, you know, a very, very successful podcast.
6
SPEAKER_00
But wasn t it for you interviewing me?
6
SPEAKER_00
You want a lot of people to listen to this.
6
SPEAKER_00
You want to get those, you know, charitable numbers up.
6
SPEAKER_00
You want to be up the ranks.
7
SPEAKER_00
Big social splash.
7
SPEAKER_00
You want all of these things.
7
SPEAKER_00
And I position myself in a certain way to make those things happen.
7
SPEAKER_00
If I go to a car dealership, I m like, OK, it s the end of the month.
7
SPEAKER_00
It s the end of October.
7
SPEAKER_00
I m going to go.
7
SPEAKER_00
I m going to ask for the floor mats.
7
SPEAKER_00
I m going to do all of these things.
7
SPEAKER_00
But I m like, but what s in it for that guy?
7
SPEAKER_00
That guy s getting a commission because it s the end of the month.
7
SPEAKER_00
And they need to make their number.
7
SPEAKER_00
They want to hit their quota.
7
SPEAKER_00
They want to get the kicker.
7
SPEAKER_00
They get paid upon delivery, so I m going to go four days before the end of the month and blah, blah, blah.
7
SPEAKER_00
I m going to have to buy, you know, an Aziz car on the lot.
7
SPEAKER_00
But I think about what s in it for them.
7
SPEAKER_00
That s cool.
7
SPEAKER_00
When I m at a gate and my flight s been delayed and I m mad and I m angry, I m like, this gate agent wants to kill me.
7
SPEAKER_00
She does not like me.
7
SPEAKER_00
She doesn t want to help me.
7
SPEAKER_00
What can I say that is going to make her want to help me?
7
SPEAKER_00
So maybe it s, hey, I know you ve got a crazy crowd control thing happening going on.
7
SPEAKER_00
When do you think we are going to have an answer?
7
SPEAKER_00
If not, I would like to just rebook my flight.
7
SPEAKER_00
That way I can get out of your hair.
7
SPEAKER_00
And then they re like, oh, OK, this person has already thought through solutions.
7
SPEAKER_00
I can just ABC pick one for them, whichever one that I think is going to make the most sense based on what I think the plane s going to arrive to the gate versus,
7
SPEAKER_00
What s going on?
7
SPEAKER_00
No gate agent wants to answer that question.
7
SPEAKER_00
Because it s always bad news.
7
SPEAKER_00
You re always going to be mad.
7
SPEAKER_00
So think about, what s in it for me?
7
SPEAKER_00
What s in it for them?
7
SPEAKER_01
Man, I m excited about this.
7
SPEAKER_01
Rich AF, the winning money mindset that will change your life.
7
SPEAKER_01
Make sure you guys get a few copies of this.
7
SPEAKER_01
Give them to your friends.
7
SPEAKER_01
If you want to learn how to really maximize your earnings to get more out of your current job or your career, if you want to understand the difference between savings, accounts, investing, all these different things,
7
SPEAKER_01
The technical side of things here as well, if you want to learn more tax strategies, legal loopholes, it s all in here.
7
SPEAKER_01
Make sure to check it out.
7
SPEAKER_01
You ve also got an amazing podcast that I want people to check out as well.
7
SPEAKER_01
We ll have all these things linked up.
7
SPEAKER_01
That s called Net Worth and Chill.
7
SPEAKER_00
Net Worth and Chill.
7
SPEAKER_01
You ve got Your Rich BFF.
7
SPEAKER_01
You got so many different things.
7
SPEAKER_01
Your social media is great.
7
SPEAKER_01
I love seeing your content online, your TikTok, your Instagram.
7
SPEAKER_01
We ll have all that linked up.
7
SPEAKER_01
What else can we do to be of service to you today besides get a copy of the book, check out your content, all the things?
7
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
7
SPEAKER_00
So you can get a pre-order copy of Rich AF at richaf.me.
7
SPEAKER_00
Yes, I made the URL a manifestation.
7
SPEAKER_00
And you can find me on social as YourRichBFF.
7
SPEAKER_00
But if there is one favor that you can do for me that I would so, so appreciate is just talk to your friends about money.
7
SPEAKER_01
I love that.
7
SPEAKER_00
Because we ve been told for so long that it s taboo and tacky.
7
SPEAKER_00
And you are doing nobody any favors except for big ol  corporations when you keep that information.
7
SPEAKER_00
Absolutely.
7
SPEAKER_00
When you hold that shame.
7
SPEAKER_00
Let me tell you, when you talk to your friend about money and they make more than you, they don t suddenly make less for having told you.
7
SPEAKER_00
But you now know and you can go and ask your boss for more.
7
SPEAKER_00
So please, please talk to your friends about money.
7
SPEAKER_01
That s beautiful.
7
SPEAKER_01
I think the earlier you can speak about money and make it more of a common practice as just
7
SPEAKER_01
Having a conversation over coffee and just relaxing, it will be less stressful in the future.
7
SPEAKER_00
It doesn t have to be an icky topic.
7
SPEAKER_01
It doesn t have to be.
7
SPEAKER_01
I love that.
7
SPEAKER_01
Vivian, this is powerful.
7
SPEAKER_01
I ve got two final questions for you.
7
SPEAKER_01
This is a question I ask everyone towards the end.
7
SPEAKER_01
It s called the three truths.
7
SPEAKER_01
Hypothetical question and scenario.
7
SPEAKER_01
Imagine you get to live as long as you want, but it s your last day.
7
SPEAKER_01
So you live as long as you want in this life, but we re at the last day of your life.
7
SPEAKER_01
You can be 100-something years old.
7
200.
7
SPEAKER_00
OK, but has my body deteriorated?
7
SPEAKER_01
You re still in perfect health.
7
SPEAKER_01
OK, great.
7
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, you still look great.
7
SPEAKER_01
OK, great.
7
SPEAKER_01
You re filthy rich, you ve accomplished everything you wanna accomplish, you ve got a beautiful life, family, everything you want, it s happened.
7
SPEAKER_01
But it s the last day and you ve gotta take all of your work with you to the next place.
7
SPEAKER_01
So the book is gone, this interview is gone, everything you ve ever created, for whatever reason, it s gone.
7
SPEAKER_01
But you get to leave behind three lessons with the world.
7
SPEAKER_01
And this is all we have to remember you by.
7
SPEAKER_01
I call it three truths.
7
SPEAKER_01
What would be that for you?
7
SPEAKER_00
Wow, OK, wasn t prepared for that one.
7
SPEAKER_00
That is an excellent question.
7
SPEAKER_00
I would say the first, always buy them the chicken parm.
7
SPEAKER_00
And this has to, you know, there s a little bit of an explanation behind this.
7
SPEAKER_01
I love chicken parm.
7
SPEAKER_01
It s incredible.
7
SPEAKER_00
OK, so the first.
7
SPEAKER_01
Dude, there s amazing chicken parm here in LA.
7
SPEAKER_00
Oh, really?
7
SPEAKER_01
Amazing chicken parm, yeah.
7
SPEAKER_00
Um, the first guy I worked for on Wall Street, my boss s boss, was this super Italian guy.
7
SPEAKER_00
Like, just the most Italian Italian man you ve ever seen.
7
SPEAKER_00
And he told me one day, he was like, Viv, you always gotta buy them the chicken parm.
7
SPEAKER_00
And I m like, sir, I m lactose intolerant.
7
SPEAKER_00
What are you talking about?
7
SPEAKER_00
I m vegan.
7
SPEAKER_00
I m like, I don t even eat cheese.
7
SPEAKER_00
Um, but what he meant by that was every so often, out of just the random kindness of his heart, he would buy a bunch of chicken parms.
7
SPEAKER_00
And he would dish them out to the people on our team and then, you know, the guys on IT, the guys in the back office, the guys in the middle office.
7
SPEAKER_00
And, you know, he must be spending like almost $1,000 on chicken parm.
7
SPEAKER_00
And he meant by like just treat people with kindness, not because, you know,
7
SPEAKER_00
You have to, but because you want to.
7
SPEAKER_00
And then when he ever had an issue, those people came running to his desk.
7
SPEAKER_00
If multiple people were having issues, they only ran to his desk.
7
SPEAKER_00
Because he had genuinely treated them with kindness when it didn t serve him.
7
SPEAKER_00
When it was just a random Wednesday, he would be like, oh, how s your kid s little league game going?
7
SPEAKER_00
And took a genuine interest in people.
7
SPEAKER_00
And to your point of being interesting and asking questions, just being kind.
7
SPEAKER_00
I think that s really important.
7
SPEAKER_01
That s cool.
7
SPEAKER_01
OK, that s the first one.
7
SPEAKER_00
That s a good one.
7
SPEAKER_00
I would say if you are a woman, just know yourself and know your worth.
7
SPEAKER_00
I think we compete a lot with other women because we have that scarcity mindset.
7
SPEAKER_00
And we think that another person s success is our downfall.
7
SPEAKER_00
You know, if you re number one on the podcast charts, it means I m not number one, OK?
7
SPEAKER_00
But there s always room for more people to succeed.
7
SPEAKER_00
Like, there s enough white space for all of us to get there, for all of us to have what we want and get what we need.
7
SPEAKER_00
And I think it took me a very long time to learn that.
7
SPEAKER_00
I would always be like, if that girl has XYZ, I can t have it.
7
SPEAKER_00
Like, I need to do this.
7
SPEAKER_00
It was just, like, so unhealthy.
7
SPEAKER_00
So, I think it s more of like knowing yourself, knowing your worth, and not being unnecessarily competitive.
7
SPEAKER_00
I think there s a little healthy competition in everything, but don t let it be to the detriment of, you know, your mental health or like anything in your life.
7
SPEAKER_00
And then, you know, just I think a third one is don t kill the golden goose.
7
SPEAKER_01
You have that on your shoes.
7
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God, no.
7
SPEAKER_00
Don t tell people what kind of shoes I m wearing.
7
SPEAKER_01
It says Golden Goose on it.
7
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it does.
7
SPEAKER_00
So not sponsored by the Golden Goose shoe brand, but I would like to be.
7
SPEAKER_00
The old fable is that, and I m sure you ve heard it, right?
7
SPEAKER_01
Go ahead, tell me.
7
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
7
SPEAKER_00
A farmer and his wife, they have this goose, and every single day this goose lays a golden egg.
7
SPEAKER_00
Oh my gosh, like a little nugget of gold.
7
SPEAKER_00
They re like, this is so weird.
7
SPEAKER_00
All the other geese are doing this, but like, this gold is amazing.
7
SPEAKER_00
Like we now have this little pellet of gold.
7
SPEAKER_00
I wish we had more.
7
SPEAKER_00
And so every day they get a little egg of gold.
7
SPEAKER_00
And they re like, well, it s not, you know, happening fast enough.
7
SPEAKER_00
We should kill the goose.
7
SPEAKER_00
And that way the inside of the goose will be entirely gold.
7
SPEAKER_00
We ll be able to get it all at once and we ll sell it.
7
SPEAKER_00
So they slaughter this goose.
7
SPEAKER_00
And the inside of the goose is a regular goose body.
7
SPEAKER_00
And there s not a single piece of gold.
7
SPEAKER_00
And I think this is a bigger metaphor of life, of us always wanting the next big thing, wanting more.
7
SPEAKER_00
But I am a big, big, this is a problem I have.
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I currently have the life that I prayed for a couple months ago, and sometimes I don t get to enjoy it.
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Sometimes I m not even enjoying it, and that s sad.
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I think we need to not kill the golden goose.
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Enjoy those little nuggets of gold that we get every single day, and it s okay to want to work for more and strive for more, but don t ruin a good thing just because you re always trying
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to hit the next milestone, they ll come.
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But you could completely lose this entire journey if you don t take a second to stop them roses, and stop and smell the roses.
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Yeah, that s beautiful.
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I love it.
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Those are probably the most unique three truths I ve heard.
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I like that.
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Before I ask the final question, Vivian, I want to acknowledge you for your realness.
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Thank you.
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I love this conversation.
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I love connecting with you.
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Was I too honest?
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I hope.
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I love it.
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I think it s amazing.
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I m excited to connect with you and to share this message and hopefully connect more and have you back on and learn more about your stuff.
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I acknowledge you for sharing this in your authentic way.
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Thank you.
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I think seeing people like you
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You know, with the history and the background you have, be as honest and real as you are is really inspiring.
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So I really acknowledge you for showing up authentic to you and not trying to fit in some mold of, I don t know, some type of financial expert that you might think of.
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So I m really glad that you re doing it your way and teaching it your way.
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And I think it s really inspiring.
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Final question, what s your definition of greatness?
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I would say greatness is being
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So in your own lane, so far ahead, you don t even know you re running a race.
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And I think that comes with having your own value system, understanding your own definition of success, not being worried about what other people think and say of you, doing what you love, and really striving every single day to live in a way
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that little you would be proud of.
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If you enjoyed this, please share it with a friend over on social media or text a friend, leave us a review over on Apple podcast, and let me know what you learned over on our social media channels at Lewis Howes.
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I really love hearing the feedback from you and it helps us continue to make the show better.
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And if you want more inspiration from our world-class guests and content to learn how to improve the quality of your life, then make sure to sign up for the Greatness Newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com slash newsletter.
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And if no one has told you today, I want to remind you that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter.
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And now it s time to go out there and do something great.