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The following podcast is a Dear Media production.
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She s a lifestyle blogger extraordinaire.
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Fantastic.
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And he s a serial entrepreneur, a very smart cookie.
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And now Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic are bringing you along for the ride.
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Get ready for some major realness.
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Welcome to the skinny confidential him and her.
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Treat your body like a house that you re going to have to live in for the next 70 years of your life.
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That means make sure your foundation is in really good working order at all times.
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Make sure your roof is in good working order.
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It means making the minor repairs to things along the way before they become big, big issues.
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It means making the daily, weekly, and monthly investments in your house that are going to make sure that things are really, really strong and that your house is there for you for the next 70 years of your life.
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So for me, it all comes down to that.
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Hello, everybody.
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Happy Monday.
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Welcome back to The Him and Her Show.
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Today, we have an incredible episode for you, per usual, with our friend, Sahil Bloom.
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We got turned on to Sahil earlier last year and just fell in love with his stuff.
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I m sure many of you are familiar with Sahil, but for those that aren t, Sahil is an inspirational writer and content creator, captivating millions of people every week through his social insights and bi-weekly newsletter, The Curiosity Chronicle.
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He shares a commitment to arm his followers with the tools, ideas, and frameworks that are battle-tested to help others live a high-performing, healthy, and wealthy life.
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Today, we sit down with Sahil to discuss all things high performers need in their lives to show up every day as their best selves.
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We cover everything from finding your identity and escaping the victim mindset to taking action in your relationships and health to remain happy and successful.
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For the parents out there, we talk about how important it is to spend time with your children, what it s like balancing work and family,
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finding your identity and what you really want out of life, how to ask better questions, which are going to set your life up for more success, and how to water your current relationships, both friendships, intimate relationships, any relationships you may have, and replacing bad habits with good ones.
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This episode is for anyone that wants to perform better, feel better, just work better in the new year.
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And it s a really inspirational podcast with Sahil.
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He was very easy to talk to and we got along.
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So with that, Sahil, welcome to the Him and Her show.
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This is the Skinny Confidential, him and her.
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We got introduced in a few different ways.
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One, we re in this group together, these creators, but the actual way that I got introduced to you was a piece of content you put out.
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And I m not really like, I m not surfing the web all the time.
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I try not to, I try to look here and there, but it was a piece of content around spending time with your children when they re young in the limited amount of time you have to do so.
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We have a almost four year old and a one and a half year old.
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And that one hit me in the stomach, right?
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I mean, one, you did it.
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The content was great, but just the message.
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And I don t even know if Lauren has seen it, but maybe we could start there just talking about time and children and how you even came to that thought.
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So I have an 18-month-old, so I m a little earlier on.
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That s my first son.
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And I write and think a lot about these things.
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And since he was born, more so than ever before, just like how short life is, how you don t have a ton of time left with your parents, how the window of time you have with your kids is so short.
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And that one idea for me is
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There is a 10 year window when you are your child s most important person in the entire world.
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Lauren s gonna start crying.
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And after that 10 years, they have other most important people.
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They have best friends, they have girlfriends, boyfriends, they have partners, spouses.
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and you will never get that 10 year period back.
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And yet it also happens to be the time when we as adults are supposed to be hustling as hard as we possibly can to achieve all of these goals in our life.
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When we re traveling the most, we re working the most, we re going crazy for whatever our ambitions are.
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And it s such a shame because so many people miss those moments with their kids that they are never going to get back.
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That like when you re 80 years old, you would give anything to be back in that moment when they re young and when you have them.
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And so my whole call to action is it s a time to think about that, to realize how precious that 10-year period is.
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It doesn t mean giving up those ambitions, giving up all of your goals, your personal dreams, but it does mean realizing that there s a trade-off, realizing there s a balance and something that you need to think about on a daily basis.
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This is a thought that I think about every single day.
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I don t think I ve ever contextualized it on the podcast.
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I don t know how to have a balance with this because I ll give you an example today.
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I my daughter s home from school.
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She s sick and she wants to play but it s in the middle of the workday and I also have to go to record two podcasts and I have, you know, a 20,000 things to do.
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but she wants to play.
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And so like... And normally she would have been at school.
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Yeah, what s the answer to that?
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I mean, it s such a hard thing.
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You put it all aside and you focus on the child.
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I mean, I guess you take it moment by moment, but it s really, really hard because it happens every single day and you re trying to work every single day and the child wants your attention.
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I can t give you the answer to it because I think it s a really challenging problem.
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I ll tell you exactly how I wrestle with it personally, which I think can help a lot of people, which is there s sort of two sides to it.
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One side is it is the most important thing in the world is spending time with your kids, being present, giving them your energy.
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The other side is it s really important for your kids to learn the value of hard work and the principles and values that you hold really close.
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And them seeing you work hard on things you really care about is incredible.
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That is teaching them.
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When you go, when you show up and do these things, even when you re tired, when you get your workout in when you re tired, those lessons are going to be held with them for the rest of their life.
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I learned those lessons from watching my dad and seeing the way that he worked on things that he cared about.
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So the balance is you want both of those.
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When you re with them, you really want to be with them.
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But when you re not with them, they should be included in the why, as I say it, of why are you going and working hard on these things?
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Because what happens is kids, if you re just not there and you don t explain to them why you re not there, what you re doing, why you care about it,
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They fill it with the worst.
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They ll fill it in their minds with like, oh, they just don t care about me.
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They don t want to be here.
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But if you explain to them what you re working on, why you care about it, why you re traveling, why you re doing these things now, they understand and they re along for the journey with you.
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They feel like they re a part of it.
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They re part of the mission.
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Like mom and dad are working on this thing.
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This is why they re doing it.
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And that s a beautiful thing, because then as they get older, it s like, you re all along for the ride together.
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You re in this together.
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They re part of the mission.
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So for me, that is the real key, is include your kids in the why of why you re working hard.
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And by the way, you guys are doing something that you re deeply inspired by, like your work.
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You re really excited about it.
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You re skipping to work every day.
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The vast majority of people do not have that.
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For most people, a job is a job.
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They re trying to earn money to provide for their family.
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You re like their purpose is not their job.
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They re trying to provide for their family.
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You can include your kids in that.
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Why too?
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You can explain to your kids that you re having to go to work or work two jobs or whatever the thing is, because your why is that you re providing for the people that you love and that you re going to do that.
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So after I watch that piece of content and our kids a little bit older than yours, and you ll see as soon as they start talking and asking questions, it s a whole different dynamic.
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And many of the parents that have older children are nodding their head.
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But what we do now for anyone that s listening, and maybe you can even think about this, every time we go somewhere, we always say like, we re going to do this because of X, Y, and Z.
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And what s most important, we tell her that we always will come back every single time when we re done.
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And when we get back, we say, we were working so that we can have a nice house and you can wear nice clothes and you can get that bluey toy that magically shows up every time we get back from Amazon or whatever.
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And so I think now she s starting to understand, like she said to Lauren, she s like, Oh mom, you work so hard.
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But she s like, it s a different context.
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I m like, why are you leaving me?
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Yeah.
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Makes sense.
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Yeah.
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And they they get it right.
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Like they re slowly starting to build this pattern of understanding why mom and dad are working hard or why their dad, whatever it is, I go and get my kids too young to explain those things to him.
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Right.
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I get him a stuffed animal from everywhere that I travel.
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So like I m in Austin this week.
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I don t know what your guys thing would be.
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I don t know, like a snake or an armadillo or whatever.
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Like I ll go get him something.
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And so then like as he gets a little bit older, he s going to get him a cicada.
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Yeah, yeah, I ll get him a cicada.
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I don t know.
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It sounds kind of creepy.
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We don t like bugs in our house.
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I hate bugs.
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Like this is my one of my things.
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It s including him in the journey in this tiny way.
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Like my dad used to travel a ton for work and he would always come back with
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some little trinket.
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And the traditional wisdom is like, oh, we re going to have a bunch of shit in our house.
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I don t want all this shit lying around.
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But that shit actually mattered to me.
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I knew that my dad was thinking about me when he was on this trip, that he brought me something back from the place that then he could explain to me.
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Like, oh, I was in Lisbon, and here s what Lisbon, history, whatever.
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You can be included in the journey.
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Was your dad an international spy or what the hell was he doing in Lisbon?
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Okay, so I know we just jumped into it.
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Going back with you, what I find interesting about your story is if you were to look at what you re doing now, it makes sense if you know your story, but I think also in some ways has not been a clear line.
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And I relate to this because I think I always tell people, if you look at what I do now, running this company and sitting on this mic, there is no fucking way 10 years ago that I m doing any of this.
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And I would have looked at you strange if you asked me if I would be.
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when you were in college and you were, you were in basically almost professional athletic, would it, would it be pro athlete?
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I guess like pretty much baseball.
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You start and you, and you start thinking about graduating, what you re going to do next.
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What I resonated with is like, it felt like you didn t really have a direction of which way you wanted to go.
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And I feel like so many people struggle with that where, you know, Lauren was super lucky and she found her passion early on.
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And I always felt so confused.
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Like, what do I do?
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And people say, chase your passion.
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You re like, well, what the fuck is that?
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How did you start to figure out what you actually wanted to do in life?
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took me a hell of a long time.
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All of this is about identity, right?
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Like people think they want money, fame, success, wealth.
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What they really want is a clear sense of their identity.
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You want to know where you fit into the world, what your purpose is, how other people should look at you, how you should think about yourself.
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And the really challenging thing when you re growing up is most people tie their identity to like one thing.
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So for me, it was sports, it was baseball.
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You might have a different thing, right?
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You might be the cheerleader in high school, and you think of yourself as the cheerleader.
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Well, eventually, an identity gets taken away from you at some point.
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And sports is really tough.
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Sports is really tough.
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And the number of guys that deal with terrible depression post-athletics, or the number of people who are like, I identified as the popular kid in high school, and now I m no longer that, have to enter the real world, when your identity gets ripped away and you don t have anything underlying it, it s really challenging.
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And you fill it with
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all of those things I mentioned.
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You go fill it with trying to make a bunch of money, or you fill it with trying to have a lot of sex and meet a lot of different people, and none of that fills the void that is actually a search for identity and who you are.
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So my journey was long and winding because I didn t know who I was.
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I tried to... Post-baseball, it got taken away from me.
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I got hurt.
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and I didn t know who I was.
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And so I went and chased the money game.
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I went and got a job that was high paying, working in finance.
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I was at a private equity fund, making more and more money every year.
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And people are patting you on the back.
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You sound impressive.
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And I was miserable.
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I was like, if you saw me then, super overweight, terrible skin, drinking all the time, not present with my wife or with my family.
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Friendships were atrophying.
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all of these other areas of my life were being sacrificed for this chase for money that I thought was going to fill my identity cup.
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And it only changed for me when I sort of hit rock bottom around that moment of realization of how short life is.
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And it was a single conversation with a close friend of mine who asked me how life was going.
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And I said, it s great.
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It s fine.
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I m doing well.
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I m getting promoted, whatever.
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But I don t see my parents very often, really close with my mom and dad.
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I was living in California, they were on the East Coast.
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And he said, well, how old s your dad?
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And I said, 65.
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How often do you see him?
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I said, once a year.
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And he looked me square in the face and he said, OK, so you re going to see him 15 more times before he dies.
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And I remember it was like getting hit with a sack of bricks.
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It s like math that you ve never thought about, but it s just true.
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It s like math that you ve never wanted to do, but it s math that you actually do need to do.
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That night I went back home and I like passed out.
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woke up the next morning and I told my wife I wanted to quit my job.
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I wanted to move back to the East Coast to be closer to family and that was like the turning point of my entire life where I just sort of like ripped the band-aid off and in a 45 day period went from feeling like I had this cup filled by trying to make money to I have to go search and figure out who I actually am and what I m actually energized by.
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I would love for you to talk about that process because I don t want to go from what you just told me to how successful you are now.
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I want to talk about the in between.
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When you first get to the East Coast, how do you start to sort of reinvent your identity?
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It was kind of beginning with the end in mind.
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I had the great fortune of having some incredible mentors in my life, people that had a vested interest in seeing me win when it meant nothing to them, like it was never going to be any gain for them, which is an amazing thing to have in your life.
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And what I went around and started trying to do was just figure out how to ask better questions about what
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This all looked like everyone wants to search for answers right you re like oh give me the answer i want the you know the one click easy cheat code to six pack abs are you know getting rich and it s like that s the content that people go and try to sell the reality is it s all really hard and it s all about asking better questions.
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Everything good in life comes from asking better questions not from trying to chase whatever answer.
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And so for me the question that really clicked was what does my ideal life look like at age eighty.
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and sit down and actually sketch that out.
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A mentor encouraged me to do that, and I did it.
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And for me, what that looked like was sitting on a porch with my wife by my side, kids hanging out with us, grandkids playing around in the yard, and a whole bunch of friends coming over to have dinner with us.
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And what does that actually mean in terms of who you are today?
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What do you need to do today to have that be the future state of your life?
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Well, it actually has nothing to do really with money, right?
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There s no like yachts.
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I m not on a private jet.
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I m not doing all sorts of fancy things like what I was on the previous path around.
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it all has to do with the people that are actually around me, right?
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And the loving relationships that I m creating.
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It means if you want to have a loving wife by your side when you re 80, you better be a damn supportive and loving husband every single day today.
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Same thing with friends.
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Same thing with being a supportive parent if you want your kids to want to spend time with you.
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So I really started focusing on that and figuring out how can I build a life that s actually grounded around being present and having more flexibility to focus on those things that actually matter to me in the present.
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What are some things that you do on a day-to-day basis that you think water your relationship with your wife?
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A lot.
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So, I mean, number one is we take a daily walk together every single day without fail.
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I mean, when I m home, without fail.
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It s like, you know, I kind of have like a list of daily non-negotiables, and that is the most important one from a relationship standpoint.
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Because it s the only time, like we have a young kid.
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The chaos of life, you guys know this, it s just craziness constantly.
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And so having 30 minutes that s like protected time when you can talk to the person about things is really, really important.
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And it s a way for you to actually feel gratitude around the present.
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It s very easy, especially for ambitious people, to lose sight of all gratitude.
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Everyone talks about gratitude journals and doing this and doing that.
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And for the most part, it all sounds good.
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And then you re not actually feeling any gratitude in the present.
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The only thing I ve ever found that works for gratitude is like zooming out from where you are and thinking about how much your younger self would be blown away by where you are today.
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That s the only thing I ve ever found that works.
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you tell yourself you have a ton of gratitude, but I think with ambitious people in particular, you never want to feel like I made it.
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And so you re always looking for the next hill to climb.
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And that could be challenging because you sit there and instead of taking inventory of the accomplishments you have, you know, I just actually, it s funny.
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I was journaling yesterday and I looked back and say, I wanted to see exactly what I keep these journals.
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Were you journaling about me?
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I did journal about you.
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Was I in the line?
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You were always in there.
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I just drew a picture of your tits.
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That s good, man.
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Physical attraction needs to stay there.
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Whatever works.
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No, but I went back, I was like, I want to see what I was thinking seven years ago.
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And I keep these journals and they re small, they re just like bullet points.
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But I just went back and I was like, this is where I was seven years ago.
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And I did it as a gratitude exercise to see some of the... I was like, seven years ago, no children, not living here, in worse shape, business in a different place.
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I like you more now than I did seven years ago.
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Yeah, no, and so I did that because I was sitting there and I was getting anxious and I was like, oh, trying to do the gratitude practice.
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I m like, why is that not working?
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And it s because you re just like to sit there, but I m grateful because it s hard.
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I think you have to compare to you or maybe your future self.
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Yeah.
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And especially in relationships, the way I
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always say it is falling in love is really easy, but growing in love is really, really hard.
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And the falling is the thing we all focus on.
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That s like the sexy Instagram moments on the beautiful vacations before you have kids and all the amazing stuff that happens in your life.
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But the reality of life and the reality of relationships is that the growing is what matters.
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That s like the crawling through the mud and coming out on the other side.
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And
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We know this scientifically, shared struggle releases oxytocin in your brain, which creates feelings of love and connection.
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Scientifically proven.
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And that only comes from being willing to share the struggle with the person and to grow through that struggle, to have a growth mindset around your relationship.
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And very few people ever think about that or focus on it.
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They re only focused on the falling.
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So as soon as the falling goes away, as soon as you re not feeling that honeymoon phase, you re not feeling the same level of lust or physical attraction for the person, all of a sudden you re lost.
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And you re like, oh, need the novelty of sex with some new person.
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And so all my younger guy friends that I have that are constantly chasing that high, it s never going to work.
2
SPEAKER_01
Until you grow up to the point where you realize that
2
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That is not real.
2
SPEAKER_01
There s no texture to that.
2
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You re never going to have a fulfilling relationship.
2
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The difficulty for, and I could say this and you will relate to this, for a lot of young men that become middle-aged men that don t realize that lesson earlier is that becomes a pretty dark life at some point.
2
SPEAKER_01
A really dark life.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_02
Because you re chasing that fulfillment, but all of a sudden you re like the 45-year-old guy at the music festival singing and you re like, oh, it s not the best look.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
And a lot of successful guys, I mean, this is a knock on guys I ll probably get hated for.
2
SPEAKER_01
A lot of successful guys were like,
2
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super nerdy and not attractive when they were younger.
2
SPEAKER_01
And they have their big exit.
2
SPEAKER_01
They sell their company for X million dollars.
2
SPEAKER_01
And all of a sudden, they re hot for the first time in their life.
2
SPEAKER_01
And they re not used to that.
2
SPEAKER_01
They re not used to the fact that they re now attractive to the opposite sex because of their power, their money, their confidence because now they ve made it.
2
SPEAKER_01
and they go crazy.
2
SPEAKER_01
I think it s the reason that so many men that were with an amazing supportive wife during their making it years get a divorce after they ve made it and they have the exit.
2
SPEAKER_01
All of a sudden they are hot, they have attractive people coming towards them and they just lose their minds because for the first time in their life they re attractive.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s like getting dropped at the top of a mountain and you didn t acclimate on the way up and all of a sudden you pass out.
2
SPEAKER_02
If only when they were younger they would be hotter and richer, then this would never happen.
2
SPEAKER_01
Or just more comfortable with themselves.
2
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I mean, I can empathize with that.
2
SPEAKER_00
I actually can get almost on board with the fact that it must be hard.
2
SPEAKER_00
that you weren t looked at by women as a man, and then you make money and you have a success, and there s a line of women out the door.
2
SPEAKER_02
Of course.
2
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And I think to what we were talking about earlier, the reverse of that is if maybe you were young and athletic and handsome and successful and popular, and all of a sudden you get later in life and you don t have those things, same thing.
2
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I don t know if one is better than the other, right?
2
SPEAKER_02
They re both tough.
2
SPEAKER_02
And I think the biggest thing is just being aware of those things and listening to more of these conversations.
2
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Because I will say that in my younger days, if you would have met me, you definitely would not have wanted to spend as much time with me.
2
SPEAKER_02
And what kind of got me out of that was getting, you know, thinking you make it and then all of a sudden realizing you didn t and kind of crashing and burning a little bit and having to reassess life.
2
SPEAKER_02
When you decided to kind of go
2
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and change careers and get out of finance and take hold of your life in a different way.
2
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What were some of the things you started personally doing that you weren t doing before?
2
SPEAKER_02
One of them you said maybe you were drinking less alcohol.
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What else did that look like?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, it was a whole set of habit changes.
2
SPEAKER_01
So yeah, I stopped drinking.
2
SPEAKER_01
I dramatically reduced how much I drink.
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I still drink now and then, but it s only when I feel like it materially enhances my level of connection with a person.
2
SPEAKER_01
And it s not just like on a Tuesday night by myself sitting at home.
2
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That was a big one.
2
SPEAKER_01
I started religiously getting back into my fitness habit that I had had most of my life because of baseball that, you know, I just didn t sleep enough.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like I started sleeping more.
2
SPEAKER_01
I started doing my cold plunge in my sauna every single day, just like mentally.
2
SPEAKER_01
That is a huge, huge part of me feeling sharp on a daily basis, doing the cold plunge every morning, doing the sauna at night and having that like quiet peace time to reflect all of those things.
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I m a big believer that like
2
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working out will change your life, working out broadly defined, like all of this stuff kind of as part of like taking care of your physical health, because the ripple effects that that has into every other area of life are very real.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like whenever a young person comes to me and they re not happy with their standing in life,
2
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The first thing I tell them is to wake up at five in the morning and go work out.
2
SPEAKER_01
And if you can do that for two straight weeks, you will start to change your life.
2
SPEAKER_01
Because all of a sudden, if you can do that, it s really hard.
2
SPEAKER_01
You start self-identifying as a winner.
2
SPEAKER_01
And you felt like a loser before.
2
SPEAKER_01
You weren t happy with where you were in life.
2
SPEAKER_01
To go do that for two weeks,
2
SPEAKER_01
And you re going to start thinking of yourself as a winner.
2
SPEAKER_01
And when you start thinking of yourself as a winner, you start actually making changes that confirm that, like you all of a sudden start believing in yourself.
2
SPEAKER_01
So you go find evidence that proves that belief to be correct.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s like pure confirmation bias at work.
2
SPEAKER_00
When I moved to Austin, I wanted to get myself a pair of black cowboy boots.
2
SPEAKER_00
I had a whole vision.
2
SPEAKER_00
I wanted to wear my jeans, and I wanted to stuff them in my black knee-high cowboy boots.
2
SPEAKER_00
But I wanted a very specific one.
2
SPEAKER_00
I wanted a pair that was super comfortable, that I could wear during the day or I could wear into the evening.
2
SPEAKER_00
And my stylist, who s a friend of mine, Emily, introduced me to Tacovas.
2
SPEAKER_00
The one that I got are called the Abby.
2
SPEAKER_00
They re so cute.
2
SPEAKER_00
They re true to size.
2
SPEAKER_00
I got the color Midnight, and they re black, they re chic, they make your leg look so flattered, and they go up right underneath your knee.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I tuck my jeans into my cowboy boots, and I wear this look all the time.
2
SPEAKER_00
They re so cute.
2
SPEAKER_00
Tecova is all about comfort, style, and service.
2
SPEAKER_00
They re very, very innovative, and they re all handmade from the most premium leather.
2
SPEAKER_00
Tecova is Western to their core, and they believe in Western for all.
2
SPEAKER_00
You can get custom fitted for a new pair of boots, too.
2
SPEAKER_00
You can even get their custom leather stamping or branding.
2
SPEAKER_00
Michael did this.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s so cute.
2
SPEAKER_00
And you can also go into the store, which is so fun.
2
SPEAKER_00
They ll even shine your boots.
2
SPEAKER_00
And while you re getting your boots shined, you can have a drink.
2
SPEAKER_00
Even the hard stuff, okay?
2
SPEAKER_00
How fun.
2
SPEAKER_00
If you can t make it into store, Tecova delivers the most premium quality and most comfortable Western goods right to your door.
2
SPEAKER_00
Visit tecovas.com, that s T-E-C-O-V-A-S.com, and point your toes west.
2
SPEAKER_00
Visit tecovas.com, that s T-E-C-O-V-A-S.com, and point your toes west.
2
SPEAKER_00
You know what I love, Michael?
2
SPEAKER_02
What do you love, Lauren?
2
SPEAKER_00
A crisp Heineken Zero Zero.
2
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It s an alcohol-free option to the original Heineken that you love.
2
SPEAKER_02
If you re somebody that s looking to cut alcohol or cut back on alcohol, but you still want to enjoy that fine Heineken beer taste, Heineken Zero Zero is the choice for you.
2
SPEAKER_02
It s absolutely incredible.
2
SPEAKER_02
And like we said, it s made with 0% alcohol, so you can enjoy that Heineken taste, but without the alcohol effect on your body.
2
SPEAKER_00
It has 100% taste, like Michael said, but 0.0% alcohol.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m obsessed with stocking these in the fridge so I can have them whenever I want.
2
SPEAKER_00
You could have them after a workout.
2
SPEAKER_00
You could have them on a Friday night birthday party so you can wake up and do a run the next morning.
2
SPEAKER_00
You could even have them if you re giving up alcohol for dry January.
2
SPEAKER_00
I think this is such an amazing option.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s crisp.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s full.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s delicious.
2
SPEAKER_00
It tastes just like the world famous Heineken quality.
2
SPEAKER_00
You really can t go wrong.
2
SPEAKER_02
One of the hardest things about giving up alcohol is missing out on the beautiful taste that a Heineken provides.
2
SPEAKER_02
Nothing worse than cooking an amazing meal and not being able to enjoy a Heineken.
2
SPEAKER_02
Well, now you can and you don t have to worry about the effect of alcohol.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m actually going to have a sip right now, Michael.
2
SPEAKER_02
Cheers.
2
SPEAKER_00
Heineken Zero Zero is an amazing alternative to juice, soda, or sparkling water.
2
SPEAKER_00
Heineken Zero Zero, 100% taste, 0.0% alcohol, and only 69 calories.
2
SPEAKER_00
Now you can.
2
SPEAKER_00
Click the link in the show notes to buy now.
2
SPEAKER_00
Must be 21 plus to purchase.
2
SPEAKER_00
Please enjoy Heineken responsibly.
2
SPEAKER_00
I have a friend that I just met in Las Vegas and she told me that she met her husband on Hinge.
2
SPEAKER_00
Then my producer Carson also told me he met his girlfriend on Hinge and then the other day I heard another story about a
3
SPEAKER_01
couple meeting on Hinge.
3
SPEAKER_01
Hinge is where it s at if you re single.
3
SPEAKER_01
Hinge is the dating app designed to be deleted.
3
SPEAKER_01
Why?
3
SPEAKER_01
Hinge gives you a sense of someone else s personality and lets you share your own.
3
SPEAKER_01
You get to know potential dates through their unique answers to prompts, plus you get a sense of someone s dating intentions and what they re looking for.
3
SPEAKER_01
This is so nice to set the table and set the expectation before you go on the date.
3
SPEAKER_01
I feel like
3
SPEAKER_01
If you re single and you just want to like lay it on the line and know exactly what someone s in for, this is a way for you to go on an app and have a dating success.
3
SPEAKER_01
If I was dating in this day and age, I feel like this is such a great way to just know what to expect.
3
SPEAKER_01
I love that you can get answers to these prompts.
3
SPEAKER_01
I love that you can get a sense of exactly what the intentions are before the date.
3
SPEAKER_01
This makes it so much more seamless before you go on an actual date.
3
SPEAKER_01
I talk to a lot of podcast guests behind the scenes and everyone has said the same things about Hinge.
3
SPEAKER_01
They say it s the best of the best when it comes to dating.
3
SPEAKER_01
Download Hinge and find someone worth deleting the app for.
3
SPEAKER_01
Download Hinge and find someone worth deleting the app for.
3
SPEAKER_01
Download Hinge and find someone worth deleting the app for.
3
SPEAKER_01
What I ve realized and it seems like you sort of are on the same vibe is that
3
SPEAKER_01
When you have a bad habit, you can t just take it away.
3
SPEAKER_01
You have to replace the bad habit with something else.
3
SPEAKER_01
So like, I ll give an example.
3
SPEAKER_01
When I lived in LA, I would have a glass of wine.
3
SPEAKER_01
Sometimes just a glass.
3
SPEAKER_01
at night.
3
SPEAKER_01
And then when I moved to Austin, I ve replaced that with like a really great magnesium water.
3
SPEAKER_01
I know that sounds weird, but it s like that s how I nightcap my night.
3
SPEAKER_01
And it s just a little switch.
3
SPEAKER_01
And it could be anything.
3
SPEAKER_01
I used to I used to wake up.
3
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I used to look at my phone probably like five years ago.
3
SPEAKER_01
Now I wake up and I meditate like it s just it s replacing what you re doing that s bad with something else.
3
SPEAKER_01
I think where people get in trouble is when you just try to take the bad habit away.
3
SPEAKER_01
And there s nothing to replace it with good.
3
SPEAKER_01
You almost have to crowd it out.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, we re ritualistic creatures, right?
3
SPEAKER_00
Like humans throughout their entire history have loved rituals.
3
SPEAKER_00
And that s exactly what you re getting at.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s like you create a new ritual that you enjoy, hopefully, or something that gives you a little bit of a dopamine hit or some sort of energy because it becomes much easier than to crowd out whatever the bad thing was that was negatively impacting your life.
3
SPEAKER_00
And the reality is like these habits
3
SPEAKER_00
No one day of doing these things matters.
3
SPEAKER_00
If you skip it, whatever.
3
SPEAKER_00
You can convince yourself to the end of time that it doesn t matter if you do that.
3
SPEAKER_00
But over a course of 10 years, those habits show up on your face.
3
SPEAKER_00
I went to my 10-year college reunion a few weeks ago, and it blew me away seeing all these people because we re all 32 years old, but some people looked 50 and some people looked 30.
3
SPEAKER_00
And it s because the way they treated themselves over that 10 year period on a daily basis shows up on your face after 10 years.
3
SPEAKER_00
It just does.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like you can see whether someone treated their body well, whether they were eating the right things, whether they were sleeping, whether they were taking care of themselves.
3
SPEAKER_00
And that all plays out in how you operate in life.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like if you re not taking care of yourself, how can you take care of your partner?
3
SPEAKER_00
How can you take care of your kids?
3
SPEAKER_00
How can you take care of your job?
3
SPEAKER_00
It s like one tiny thing that impacts everything else in your entire life.
3
SPEAKER_01
This is where it becomes hard though because you re trying to do 600 things at once and you have the kids who want to play.
3
SPEAKER_01
It becomes a real balancing act.
3
SPEAKER_01
You have to get very creative with time.
3
SPEAKER_01
How are some ways that you get creative with time?
3
SPEAKER_00
figure out the minimum viable version of what you need to do.
3
SPEAKER_01
So give examples.
3
SPEAKER_00
On a daily basis.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I used to think I needed to work out for an hour in order for it to be worth it, quote unquote.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I learned in the first three months that my son was around that I could actually get a great workout in 15 minutes if I had to.
3
SPEAKER_00
And my wife learned the same thing.
3
SPEAKER_00
She used to come to the gym with me for an hour.
3
SPEAKER_00
And you can t do that at some point.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like you literally cannot do that.
3
SPEAKER_00
There s just not enough hours in the day.
3
SPEAKER_00
so I would say with every habit or everything that you want to do, figure out the minimum viable version that is the non-negotiable for you.
3
SPEAKER_00
For me, it s move for 30 minutes a day, and that can include walking.
3
SPEAKER_00
If I can t do anything else, I m going to go for a 30-minute walk with my wife.
3
SPEAKER_00
Sleeping six hours was my version.
3
SPEAKER_00
People will get mad at that, but six hours, I know I ll be okay.
3
SPEAKER_00
I can t do it for probably
3
SPEAKER_00
two weeks in a row but for a few days I ll be fine.
3
SPEAKER_00
Making sure that I actually like eat whole unprocessed foods on a daily basis is a big one for me.
3
SPEAKER_00
So just figuring out like those really low intensity versions of it that are low friction that you know you can just execute on even when shit hits the fan is the best thing.
3
SPEAKER_02
You know what else I feel, and maybe you ve experienced this in your life, and Michael Easter just came on the show, who s the guy, and so he was just talking about this study in his book where basically when humans are trying to figure out how to solve a problem, we always think you have to add something to solve it.
3
SPEAKER_02
And in a lot of cases, it s taking things away.
3
SPEAKER_02
And I think about this in my own life and with having children, I know there are things that I can do as an entrepreneur.
3
SPEAKER_02
that would quote-unquote put more money in my pocket.
3
SPEAKER_02
I could go do more speaking events.
3
SPEAKER_02
I could go do coaching.
3
SPEAKER_02
I could go do more of these shows.
3
SPEAKER_02
I could work longer hours.
3
SPEAKER_02
All of these things would quote-unquote make me more successful as a businessman from a financial perspective.
3
SPEAKER_02
But at the same time, I m weighing against what we talked about earlier.
3
SPEAKER_02
What sacrifices does that mean I m taking from my children, or time from my wife, or time for myself, or time out of the gym?
3
SPEAKER_02
And I think we have a really difficult time saying no to things that we think are important from a societal perspective.
3
SPEAKER_02
Let s just say that I could go and make a few more million dollars a year by doing those things.
3
SPEAKER_02
A lot of people would be like, well, you re crazy not to do that because they put such an emphasis on the financial success.
3
SPEAKER_02
And my younger me would have done that too.
3
SPEAKER_02
Now I m like, well, yes, I could have a few more million dollars in the bank, but to your point, I will never get that amount of time back with my daughter or my son.
3
SPEAKER_02
And so to me, as soon as I look at it that way, I m like, now I m eliminating things.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
The way I would say it is everyone wants you to focus on not leaving money on the table,
3
SPEAKER_00
But the way you re thinking about it, which is correct, is where am I leaving my peace of mind on the table?
3
SPEAKER_00
Where am I leaving my relationships on the table?
3
SPEAKER_00
Where am I leaving my health on the table by going after that extra money?
3
SPEAKER_00
And no one wants to have that conversation with themselves.
3
SPEAKER_00
They just focus on the money because it s like, it s the easiest scoreboard, right?
3
SPEAKER_00
It s like, yeah, it s easy.
3
SPEAKER_00
People will pat you on the back for it.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s a clear number.
3
SPEAKER_00
You know exactly what it is.
3
SPEAKER_00
And so people chase that, but they re leaving all these other things on the table along the way that in the end are much more important.
3
SPEAKER_00
No one cares about those extra million dollars 30, 40 years from now.
3
SPEAKER_00
What s it going to matter?
3
SPEAKER_02
100%, and we moved from LA to Austin.
3
SPEAKER_02
And I always have all my LA and New York friends saying, oh, Austin s slower, and you could do this in New York or do this in LA.
3
SPEAKER_02
And I m like, I m very well aware.
3
SPEAKER_02
If you drop an individual like myself in any of those cities, here s what I m going to do.
3
SPEAKER_02
I m going to wake up, to your point, at 5.
3
SPEAKER_02
I m going to work all day.
3
SPEAKER_02
I m going to miss.
3
SPEAKER_02
I m probably not going to go to the gym.
3
SPEAKER_02
I m just going to work all day, get sucked into the rhythm of the city, and quote, unquote, will be more successful financially.
3
SPEAKER_02
My children may not be as happy.
3
SPEAKER_02
My wife won t be as happy.
3
SPEAKER_02
I won t be as healthy.
3
SPEAKER_02
So I know the sacrifice I m making by being in a quote unquote slower place, but it s an intentional decision because I realized that if I stay on some of those paths, I may be more successful from a business standpoint, but I may be emptier from a personal standpoint.
3
SPEAKER_00
I would also guess that, and this is a paradox, but by slowing down, you actually allow yourself to speed up.
3
SPEAKER_01
Can you go off on that?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I can go off on that all day.
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean, this is what allowed me to... It s what you did.
3
SPEAKER_00
five times as much money as I was making at my lucrative finance job, and I work one-fifth as much.
3
SPEAKER_00
And it sounds ridiculous to say, but it s just true, and it s because I slowed down and then figured out how to speed up.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s like Lionel Messi.
3
SPEAKER_00
Watch him playing soccer.
3
SPEAKER_00
He walks all around the field, and people go crazy.
3
SPEAKER_00
They re like, why is this guy walking all over the field?
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, it s actually strategy.
3
SPEAKER_00
He s examining the entire field.
3
SPEAKER_00
He s creating this unbelievable map of everything out there.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then when he sprints, it s 110% in the perfect, perfect way, perfect angle to open up the field and score, pass, whatever.
3
SPEAKER_00
And that is how you need to pursue things that you re doing in life.
3
SPEAKER_00
It needs to be like you re surveying the whole field.
3
SPEAKER_00
You re figuring out where is my one unit of input going to generate
4
SPEAKER_01
100X output.
4
SPEAKER_01
Most people operate in this fixed one-to-one world.
4
SPEAKER_01
That s what I was doing.
4
SPEAKER_01
I was working in finance.
4
SPEAKER_01
I was working 100-hour weeks and it was fixed one-to-one everything.
4
SPEAKER_01
If I wanted to make more money, I was just going to have to work another 100-hour week versus now where when I work on something, I might work for an hour, but I know that that hour is going to generate 100X output and put us onto a completely different plane with what we re doing.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m obsessed with this conversation because one of the things that I ve realized since I moved out here is I have space and thinking time.
4
SPEAKER_00
So I m just thinking and thinking, and it s exactly like that soccer player.
4
SPEAKER_00
It gives me the ability and the clarity to be outside of all the noise and all the cortisol and to just be with my thoughts so I can be like, where am I most effective?
4
SPEAKER_00
And I spend half my day thinking.
4
SPEAKER_00
I walk, I meditate, I sit with myself, I write.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s a lot of not working, but it is kind of working in a different way.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I mean, when you think about how few people actually just sit with their thoughts on a daily basis, not even meditating, just sit around and think or walk and think.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then you go talk to the most successful business people in history, right?
4
SPEAKER_01
Think about John D. Rockefeller, go way back.
4
SPEAKER_01
He used to walk around his garden doing absolutely nothing every single day without fail.
4
SPEAKER_01
For hours, he would go walk around.
4
SPEAKER_01
He was running the largest company in the world at any point in time in history.
4
SPEAKER_01
He wasn t listening to podcasts.
4
SPEAKER_01
There was no podcast.
4
SPEAKER_01
He wasn t listening to an audiobook on 2x speed or doing whatever.
4
SPEAKER_01
He was walking around and thinking.
4
SPEAKER_01
That allows you to then go and deploy your energy where you need to.
4
SPEAKER_01
I mean, now, today, Bill Gates is famous for doing this thing once a year called a Think Week, where he literally goes off the grid, goes to this tiny, shitty cabin.
4
SPEAKER_01
He s hundreds of billions of dollars.
4
SPEAKER_01
He goes to this tiny, shitty cabin with a bunch of reading and a bunch of thinking that he s planning to do on the biggest picture things that Microsoft needed to do to create the future they wanted to create.
4
SPEAKER_01
We all need to do something similar to that.
4
SPEAKER_01
I can t take a week, probably.
4
SPEAKER_01
We have young kids.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m probably not going to take a week and just disappear.
4
SPEAKER_01
But can you take a day once a month or can you take a day once a quarter and do that?
4
SPEAKER_01
Probably.
4
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I ve found that it s people are uncomfortable to sit with their thoughts.
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But what I ve found is if you can get through the uncomfortable part, you start to crave it.
4
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It starts to become an essential in the day.
4
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It s like for me, if I don t have time to think, especially in the morning,
4
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Like watch out.
4
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Like I need space.
4
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And Michael s going to say like, you say it like I m being soft, but it s not that I m being soft.
4
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It s like, I have to like, no, I don t say that through my thoughts of how I want the day to go.
4
SPEAKER_00
And like, it s, it s an important time for me to be reflective.
4
SPEAKER_00
And it s something that I crave now.
4
SPEAKER_02
No, I say she s being soft because yesterday we woke up and our dog threw up on our bed and I freaked out like the dog threw up on the bed and then she like went in a tailspin because she got woken up roughly.
4
SPEAKER_02
That does suck.
4
SPEAKER_01
I do hate that.
4
SPEAKER_01
I hear you on that.
4
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He woke me up and ripped me out of bed.
4
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Well, not physically, but I was like, yo, there s throw up all over.
4
SPEAKER_02
No, she got mad because I said there s throw up and then I just couldn t deal with it and I left the room and left the dog in the bed.
4
SPEAKER_01
That sounds reasonable.
4
SPEAKER_00
He runs in, he announces that there s throw up everywhere, wakes me up out of bed and then leaves the dog who s by the way eating his throw up in the bed with me.
4
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Listen, I had a moment of weakness.
4
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The kids were going nuts and I made a critical husband mistake, which I m sure you ve made.
4
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Do not wake your wife up.
4
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She was sleeping.
4
SPEAKER_00
You don t do it.
4
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I had a momentary reaction where I announced the mistake and then I realized that I was going to be stuck cleaning and then I exited stage left.
4
SPEAKER_01
I like how you started this, by the way, by saying that she was soft about something and now you ve walked it way, way back to like, I made the mistake.
4
SPEAKER_01
So this is smart.
4
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This is why your marriage is working.
4
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Yeah, so it s really just, I ve realized in everything in my life, it s all my fault.
4
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Rule number one is do not wake up a sleeping wife.
4
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Don t do it.
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Especially with young kids.
4
SPEAKER_02
I made eight mistakes in a row.
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Literally just let the wife sleep.
4
SPEAKER_01
But the point you made though on getting comfortable pushing through the discomfort of sitting with your thoughts is important because the reason people get really uncomfortable with that is they don t want to think that they are wrong about anything in their world.
4
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We have an incredible ability to mindlessly just
4
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believe that we are right about everything.
4
SPEAKER_01
An ostrich puts its head into the sand to avoid danger.
4
SPEAKER_01
When there s danger around, an ostrich sticks its head into the sand and it looks hilarious and sits there so that it can avoid danger in a hilarious way.
4
SPEAKER_01
Humans do that.
4
SPEAKER_01
You, at this point in time, are burying your head in the sand about something in your life, I don t know what it is, that you are terribly wrong about, but you re unwilling to confront being wrong about.
4
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because we all want to be right.
4
SPEAKER_01
And we care more about being right than finding the truth about most things.
4
SPEAKER_01
And that is easily the most dangerous thing, dangerous path you can go down.
4
SPEAKER_01
Because if you want to be right in your relationship more than you want to get to the truth and actually solve the problem, it s going to fail.
4
SPEAKER_01
Same thing in business.
4
SPEAKER_01
If you want to be right more than you want to get the right answer, then you re going to fail.
4
SPEAKER_01
None of it s going to work.
4
SPEAKER_02
And unfortunately, I think we re seeing this also manifest in politics, not to take a full right turn, but I think that
4
SPEAKER_02
You know, when you dig in real hard on something and then whatever you re digging in on proves to be either counter or wrong or false, it s really hard to step back and say, you know what, in that moment of time, based on the information I had, I was wrong.
4
SPEAKER_00
I think that that is so cool.
4
SPEAKER_00
I think it s so cool to take such a hard stance and then realize that you were wrong and actually take time to say, you know what?
4
SPEAKER_00
I didn t have all the facts.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m wrong.
4
SPEAKER_00
How often do people do that?
4
SPEAKER_02
But to your point, how many people do that?
4
SPEAKER_02
Very few.
4
SPEAKER_00
But how cool is that though?
4
SPEAKER_00
When I hear someone do that, it s like, you know what?
4
SPEAKER_00
I thought this way and now maybe I ve evolved.
4
SPEAKER_00
And you know what?
4
SPEAKER_00
I have the ability to be able to change my mind and not have such a stance.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I think like, again, we re not perfect.
4
SPEAKER_02
We make mistakes all the time.
4
SPEAKER_02
We make mistakes on this show.
4
SPEAKER_02
But what I always tell the audience is that we re going to have all sorts of different perspectives on this show all the time.
4
SPEAKER_02
And once in a while, if not all the time, you re going to hear something that either makes you uncomfortable or that you disagree with.
4
SPEAKER_02
As an individual, I personally need that because if I start to sit, like it would be very easy for me to pick a quote unquote side and just have all of those same kind of people on the show all the time and just reinforce my personal belief system and make myself feel good.
4
SPEAKER_02
But I feel it s really difficult to grow as an individual if you do that, right?
4
SPEAKER_02
Because then you re just sitting there patting yourself on the back all the time saying, I m right, good for me.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I mean, it s an embarrassing way to live.
4
SPEAKER_01
I can get one life.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I mean, we like with politics in particular, we labeled people who changed their mind in the face of new information as flip floppers.
4
SPEAKER_01
It was a negative term.
4
SPEAKER_01
And the reality is like those are the people actually want in office.
4
SPEAKER_01
I want someone who can get new information and change their mind on a subject because that s fundamental to human growth is like you should get new information.
4
SPEAKER_01
It changes the way that you thought about it and then you change.
4
SPEAKER_01
And we started
4
SPEAKER_01
We started saying that those were bad politicians if they were that way.
4
SPEAKER_01
We also just hate when someone doesn t have an opinion on something, which is the worst thing for society.
4
SPEAKER_01
I get asked about things all the time that I just say, I am not educated enough on the topic to have an opinion on it.
4
SPEAKER_01
And people go ballistic.
4
SPEAKER_00
People want you to have a fucking opinion on everything.
4
SPEAKER_00
Sometimes I just don t have an opinion on it.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t know enough about it.
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t have an opinion on most things, actually.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like, I don t know much about that many things in the world.
4
SPEAKER_01
So why do I need to have an opinion on it?
4
SPEAKER_01
And why do you need me to tell you my opinion on it, by the way?
4
SPEAKER_01
Like, why do you care what my opinion is?
4
SPEAKER_00
Because I think it s a control thing where maybe people feel like
4
SPEAKER_00
because they re following you that you have to give them an opinion because they re owed an opinion.
4
SPEAKER_00
But what I ve realized is my policy is I m not giving an opinion on things that I don t, like you said, have enough knowledge on to give an educated, eloquent opinion on.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I m just not.
4
SPEAKER_00
And if that doesn t work for someone, they should unfollow me.
4
SPEAKER_02
Or speaking of having an opinion, and I m sure you ve dealt with this, when you have any kind of platform that starts to gain any kind of reach or notoriety and anything that someone in the world feels is important to them personally is going on and they hit you with messages like, you have a responsibility because you have this platform to say something.
4
SPEAKER_02
And I was like, no, well, because there s a platform that has a sizable reach, the real responsibility is actually taking a second to
5
SPEAKER_01
actually understand what you re talking about with the best data possible and accurate information.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I think that s where so many, I guess, creators and people that are building platforms online run into trouble in my opinion.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I m looking at this from a different perspective.
5
SPEAKER_01
I m not looking at it as a perspective of just me with this show, but as somebody who now has this company that represents many other mouthpieces in the industry.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s like what I always try to tell people is like,
5
SPEAKER_01
You have to be very thoughtful with the information you put out and make sure that what you put out is really what you want to stand behind.
5
SPEAKER_01
Because if you just rattle off what everybody on the internet deems to be important in the moment, you re really just a mouthpiece for someone else.
5
SPEAKER_01
Does that make sense?
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, and we also live in a world where it s very unclear what the facts are.
5
SPEAKER_02
If you re reading a bunch of news media articles as your basis for whatever your opinion is, well, they might change their headline from one day to the next on what the thing was, right?
5
SPEAKER_02
Like there might be, you know, one day
5
SPEAKER_02
it s like considered completely ludicrous to say that covid came from a lab leak in china and a year later the cdc says like oh yeah that actually is probably what happened when you were a lunatic for saying that a year ago and so data changes evidence changes information changes on a daily basis and
5
SPEAKER_02
If you are someone that says, I m actually going to wait and I m going to learn more about this.
5
SPEAKER_02
I m going to educate myself.
5
SPEAKER_02
People yell at you when the reality is they should be supporting you for doing that.
5
SPEAKER_02
And they should be understanding that that is actually the appropriate response to these things.
5
SPEAKER_02
They also don t want you to say what your opinion is.
5
SPEAKER_02
They want you to echo their opinion.
5
SPEAKER_02
And the second you give your opinion and it s not what they wanted you to say, they re going to tear you down just as much.
5
SPEAKER_02
Or if you say it slightly wrong from what they wanted you to say.
5
SPEAKER_01
human beings used to think there was a guy with a beard in the sky throwing lightning bolts down at them.
5
SPEAKER_02
There s still some people that do believe that, probably.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, and among other things, there s a person that lives under the earth that s like, you know what I mean?
5
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And listen, people are, but so I just think that, you know, in our, going back to the topic of sitting with yourself and your thoughts, I think people sometimes, and myself at times too,
5
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We feel uncomfortable when we re not quote unquote busy.
5
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We don t have something going on.
5
SPEAKER_01
We feel like we re not accomplishing something if we re sitting and we re not working on something or we re not outdoing something or socializing, whatever it is.
5
SPEAKER_01
And what I ve found as I get older in life is that some of the most productive things that I can do as a human, as a father, as a husband, is to sit and think
5
SPEAKER_01
for a long period of time so that when I actually go and do something, it has real impact as opposed to just a bunch of busy shit.
5
SPEAKER_00
Are you going to start meditating after the two podcasts we ve had today?
5
SPEAKER_00
We ve had now two amazing men come on and talk about meditation.
5
SPEAKER_00
I think that you ve been manipulated.
5
SPEAKER_00
No, no.
5
SPEAKER_01
I know that I m lacking on the meditation.
5
SPEAKER_02
I don t meditate.
5
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_02
I ve never been.
5
SPEAKER_02
I like I would do what I call it walking meditation.
5
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_00
Talk.
5
SPEAKER_00
Go off about that.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, so I ve never been able to get myself to sit still and meditate.
5
SPEAKER_02
It stresses me out.
5
SPEAKER_02
It actually creates more stress and anxiety in my life than the peace that it would create.
5
SPEAKER_02
I ve tried.
5
SPEAKER_02
I ve done 30 days.
5
SPEAKER_02
I ve done five minutes a day.
5
SPEAKER_02
I ve tried to do 10 minutes.
5
SPEAKER_02
I ve done everything, and I m never able to stick with it because I need to be moving.
5
SPEAKER_02
I don t know if it s ADD, ADHD, something that I have naturally.
5
SPEAKER_02
I just need to be moving.
5
SPEAKER_02
For me, it s meditative to go walk with no phone, nothing on me.
5
SPEAKER_02
I carry around this little notebook with me everywhere I go so that I can jot down thoughts.
5
SPEAKER_02
That s how I think about and perceive the world, is just walking around.
5
SPEAKER_02
No headphones in, I m not listening to podcasts, no audiobooks.
5
SPEAKER_02
I call them tech-free walks.
5
SPEAKER_02
And that is meditation for me.
5
SPEAKER_02
So I also think just expanding your definition of what meditation is in your life is an important thing.
5
SPEAKER_02
It s the same reason that
5
SPEAKER_02
People don t start journaling because they think that journaling means you need to sit down for 30 minutes and write down all of your deepest, darkest thoughts.
5
SPEAKER_02
Well, no, journaling can be like writing down one bullet of what you were grateful for that day.
5
SPEAKER_02
That s journaling.
5
SPEAKER_02
So by expanding the definition of these things, I think you can actually find something that works for you.
5
SPEAKER_01
This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp.
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Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com slash skinny and get on your way to being your best self.
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Over the years, Lauren and I have had many therapists on this show talking about how to use therapy, the benefits that their patients come by.
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We ve also had so many high performers on this show and a common denominator between many of them is that they use therapy as a tool in their toolbox to feel better, perform better, think about the world in a more productive way.
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Lauren and I are big proponents of therapy, especially now with a platform like BetterHelp where you can do it from the comfort of your own home.
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but you can always be better.
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Lauren and I firmly believe in that and better help is a perfect tool for anyone to just get their ideas out of their head.
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One of the biggest benefits of doing this show is that we get to talk so many of our thoughts out live on air and sometimes with therapists and people that have been in therapy.
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BetterHelp is extremely cost-effective and, like I said, you can do it from anywhere right now, from your phone, from your computer, right from the comfort of anywhere you see fit.
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I personally could not be more excited to talk to you guys about NerdWallet.
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You guys know I am a personal finance geek.
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I ve done a few episodes on the subject.
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So many people get so overwhelmed trying to figure out where to get the best financial information, whether it s trying to figure out a credit card, compare credit cards, whether it s trying to figure out how to use airline points or which airline miles to sign up for whichever savings account or whatever investment vehicle or brokerage account.
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It s all so overwhelming.
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a reader and consumer of NerdWallet for many years.
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They have so much great information on their site, whether it s credit card information, if you want to learn more about travel, if you want to learn more about small business, insurance, mortgages, investing, they have it all for you all in one place.
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Over the years, I ve also, as I ve evolved in business, used NerdWallet as a resource to figure out what kind of resources I want to use for my business, what kind of bank accounts, what kind of business credit cards.
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When it comes to travel, trying to figure out how to use points and miles, it s just such an incredible resource for any
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one that just wants a little bit more literacy around finance and services in the financial industry.
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NerdWallet lets you compare top travel credit cards side by side to maximize your spending, some even offering 10x points on your spending.
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So like I said, compare and find smarter credit cards, savings accounts, and more today at nerdwallet.com.
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NerdWallet Finance Smarter.
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Again, that s NerdWallet.com, NerdWallet Finance Smarter.
6
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And I just want to put in a reminder that credit cards are subject to lender approval and terms apply.
6
SPEAKER_02
When I was a kid, and I m not, this is not what it was me, I had a great childhood, but I was in trouble all the time.
6
SPEAKER_02
And when I say trouble all the time, I was the kid, when I got out of school, my mom got given a book about this thick, and it was just a bunch of detentions.
6
SPEAKER_02
I had so many, every day all the kids would go home, I would have to stay in detention.
6
SPEAKER_02
I had so many that there was not enough days in the week, so I had to stay for lunch detention.
6
SPEAKER_02
And they had so many of those that I had to come to school on Saturdays for four hours and sit.
6
SPEAKER_02
So I spent from like sixth grade all the way until like I got into high school,
6
SPEAKER_02
all that time just sitting and sitting and sitting.
6
SPEAKER_02
And so I don t like to sit still for a long time.
6
SPEAKER_02
It s probably some trigger for some trauma that I got to work through.
6
SPEAKER_02
Probably meditation would cure it.
6
SPEAKER_02
But to me, to your point, I have to be kind of like moving.
6
SPEAKER_02
I like to think when I m walking.
6
SPEAKER_02
I like to read.
6
SPEAKER_02
I like to write things down.
6
SPEAKER_02
But I don t like to just like sit for so long.
6
SPEAKER_00
Walking meditation tip.
6
SPEAKER_00
Go take towns in the stroller and get outside.
6
SPEAKER_00
I think that s a great tip.
6
SPEAKER_02
And that s what I do.
6
SPEAKER_02
Like the other day I was in the house and I m going to go and I ll take a walk.
6
SPEAKER_02
But I don t just like I m not sitting there and like going and by the way,
6
SPEAKER_01
What a horrible education system we have in a world where a kid that clearly will learn better moving, being energized, etc.
6
SPEAKER_01
is forced to like sit and try to learn.
6
SPEAKER_01
There was actually a study.
6
SPEAKER_01
I think the guy s name was Dr. Chuck Hillman.
6
SPEAKER_01
who did a study where they had kids take a few tests on like math and reading comprehension and writing both after sitting for 30 minutes or after like walking on a treadmill for 30 minutes.
6
SPEAKER_01
And the kids all across the board performed better after moving around and moving their bodies.
6
SPEAKER_01
And yet we have this education system where kids are forced to sit and then punished
6
SPEAKER_01
for being fidgety by being forced to sit more.
6
SPEAKER_01
And the reality is if you just had that kid get up and you allowed them to walk around and learn or fidget with themselves and not be punished for that, they would learn and actually embrace the learning way more than they re actually able to.
6
SPEAKER_02
100% Lauren, we ve known each other since we were 12 years old, like a long time.
6
SPEAKER_02
And we were together that whole time.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
But she met my wife when I was 16.
6
SPEAKER_01
She was 14.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
She was 14.
6
SPEAKER_00
He was 16.
6
SPEAKER_00
He was the older guy.
6
SPEAKER_02
You can attest to this though.
6
SPEAKER_02
I used to show up to the class and the teacher would be so mad that he had preemptively set my seat outside of the classroom.
6
SPEAKER_02
So I would sit outside the door and look in and try to hear what he was saying.
6
SPEAKER_02
And then there was another teacher that put my desk against his personal desk.
6
SPEAKER_02
And I m like, well,
6
SPEAKER_02
One, the rebel in me was just like, well, now this is what I m going to go even the other way.
6
SPEAKER_02
But two, to your point, I think about that now as an adult and I m like, from an educational standpoint, if I learned that, and my parents, it s not their fault, but if I learned that that was taking place for a child of mine, I d be like, well, this is the wrong education system for them.
6
SPEAKER_02
I wouldn t knock the teachers.
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I would just be like, well, this isn t going to work.
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We re out.
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Totally agree.
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How did you get to be so thoughtful?
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Just you re very, I don t know, you just seem like you really think about things and you re really good at articulating it.
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Is this something that you ve sort of refined or is it just something natural in you?
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It s probably a bit of both.
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I spend a lot of time thinking.
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I m like you.
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Most, like if you were to look at my work day, you would say that I don t work a lot because I m not sitting at my desk a whole lot.
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Like I have, you know, maybe two blocks of like two hours a day where I m really at my desk doing something.
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And the rest is like walking around, I ll play with my son, I ll, you know, work out, run.
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Like long runs are super meditative and a lot of good thinking time.
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I just spend a lot of time thinking about
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human struggle and like struggles that I am personally facing and how I m wrestling with them.
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And I actually don t, I don t think of it as being in my own head a lot.
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Like I have friends who I think of, like I used to think of as like head cases, like they re always in their own head and they re getting in their own way.
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I just really like wrestling with problems and like thinking about what questions am I asking?
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How can I like better experience this?
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Because that s what I write about.
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My whole goal with all of the content I create, any of the talks I go give, any of that stuff is to help people ask slightly better questions.
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I said it at the beginning.
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The best things in life don t come from having better answers.
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It s from asking better questions.
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And I cannot give you the answers for your life to anyone, because everyone s life is different.
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Their whole map of reality is very different than mine.
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But I know I can help them ask better questions.
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And if I wrestle with these things enough, I know that I can pass that along.
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And that s really what I m trying to get at with it.
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What are some questions that
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people are asking themselves that you think could be better and how can they ask those questions differently or even some structures?
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Yeah.
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I mean, I think a big one with relationships that I ve been preaching recently is are you actually fulfilled or are you just less lonely?
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And I have so many friends and so many people in my life who have stuck in a relationship that I believe is much more driven by the fact that it reduced their loneliness versus creating fulfillment in their life.
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And this is an important question because reducing loneliness is just removing a negative from your life.
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It s not creating a positive.
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In a real lasting relationship, it has to create that positive.
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It actually has to fill your cup.
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It can t just like reduce the bad that was in there.
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That is one I think that is a huge unlock for people to just spend more time sitting with it.
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To your point, like sit with that question.
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If you re in a relationship that you re not sure about, sit with that question and you ll have some revelation about what s there.
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Yeah, because a lot of people are settling because it s what they re supposed to do and society tells you what you re supposed to do.
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I personally, I would rather be dead single than be with someone that I was settling for.
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And maybe other people are different.
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Maybe other people are more into like the optics of it.
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But like that s a really good question to ask yourself if you re in a relationship.
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Are you lonely?
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What are some problems that you see across the board?
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Like what are some problems?
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You said you love to explore problems and struggles.
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What are some things that you see that you re experiencing with, but you also see from your audience?
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Movement versus progress is a huge one.
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It goes to a lot of the themes of what we were talking about before, but people confuse movement with progress in every area of life.
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And there s this desire, we live in a society and in a culture that prides you on movement and pats you on the back for movement.
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So like being busy, you go to a cocktail party anywhere in the world, and mostly in the US, it s really bad.
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and someone asks you how you re doing, I guarantee like 95% of people are going to respond with some variation of I m good, comma, busy.
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And everyone s supposed to be like, oh yeah, that s a flex, right?
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You re like flexing on being busy.
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And
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it s just it s mostly bullshit right like being busy is actually not a good i shouldn t take pride in being busy i should take pride in having unbelievable output per unit of input and then i can decide like if i want to do a hundred units of input and become a billionaire great or if i want to do one unit and just have tons of time with my kid during these years that s great too
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And the difference is it s just you have to separate movement from progress.
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You have to think about like avoid becoming a rocking horse that just like goes back and forth and sits around and doesn t actually go anywhere and focus much more on progress versus movement.
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For someone that s listening to you, or us even, together, and they re saying, easy for you guys to say, you are well off with your finances, you re in the relationship, you re in the marriage, you got the kids, easy for you to say, but my life is X or Y or Z. How would you coach those people to stop thinking that way and put themselves into a growth mindset instead?
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I mean, the first piece is that s just like a victim mentality.
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Yes, absolutely.
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We re in great places in life, but that didn t happen by accident.
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There were sets of inputs and things that you did along the way that you should be inspired by, actually.
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You should learn from and feel like, okay, what can I do today?
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single action that I can do today that will leave me slightly better off tomorrow.
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If I were to repeat the day that I m having today for the next 100 days, is my life going to be better or worse on the end of that time period?
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And no matter where you are in life, the inspiring thing to know is
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You are like one good action away from being in a better spot.
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It doesn t matter how dark it is wherever you are.
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One good action puts you in a slightly better place.
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And if you believe fundamentally that you are meant for more, whatever more it is, if you re meant for more money, more fame, more success, more love, more trust, whatever the thing is, if you believe that, then you can go and create the conditions that allow you to get there into that world.
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If someone s unhappy in any area in their life, their job, their relationship, whatever it is, what can they do tomorrow to make a little bit of a change?
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Stop fearing.
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I think most people build up
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the pain that they will feel from leaving that situation beyond what it will actually be.
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I had terrible fear about leaving my lucrative finance job.
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I literally thought not going to be able to pay the bills.
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My wife s going to be upset.
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My family s not going to love me because I m not in the
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prestigious job anymore.
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Friends are going to think I went off the rails.
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I created all of this unbelievable stuff in my mind.
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And the reality is you always build up fear to be bigger than it actually is.
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There s that quote.
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It s imagined versus reality.
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So I would say in general, life is really freaking short.
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You get one shot at it.
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So staying in a relationship that s not fulfilling because you re afraid of what the lack of a relationship looks like, staying in a job that you absolutely hate if you don t need it is much, much better.
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Just leaving that thing is much better than staying in it for longer than you need to.
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I stayed in my job probably
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you know, realistically, I probably stayed in my job for like three or four years longer than I should have if I had removed the fear.
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Can you leave our audience with a habit?
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You re around a lot of successful people.
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You are very successful yourself.
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A habit that has maybe changed your life and it could be a couple of habits or it could be one that you just like always do.
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This is probably the best advice, maybe the best advice I ve ever received.
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I was talking to
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an 80-year-old man, family friend, and I asked him what advice he would give to his 30-year-old self when I was turning 30.
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And he said, treat your body like a house that you re going to have to live in for the next 70 years of your life.
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and it just stuck with me because it s so true.
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You don t think of that, but that means make sure your foundation is in really good working order at all times.
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Make sure your roof is in good working order.
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It means making the minor repairs to things along the way before they become big, big issues.
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It means making the daily, weekly, and monthly investments in your house
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that are going to make sure that things are really, really strong and that your house is there for you for the next 70 years of your life.
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So for me, it all comes down to that.
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And the actual tactical advice around that is wake up early and work out because there s no such thing as a loser who wakes up at five in the morning and works out.
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It just doesn t exist.
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Really good framework.
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Can t not tell us about what this little book is that you carry around.
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I think this is so smart I always am pulling my phone out to take notes, but I like what you re doing.
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So you have a book.
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Yeah, it s a little black book and A little black book.
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It s kind of like what a what a madam would have if she had like a book full of hookers Why do you go down?
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It reminds me of heidi flight.
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You don t know what s in here.
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No one ever knows but his is like yours yours is like notes
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Yeah, no, I mean, I, the way I remember things is by writing them down.
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I can t do the like typing, you know, people have notion, all these fancy things.
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I can t, I don t remember anything if I type it, but writing it, if I write it once, I ll remember it forever.
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And so I carry around, it s a pocket notebook,
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that it s moleskin is the company that I use.
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Although I probably need to start a company that makes these because I ve sold a bunch now and I love them, but I just literally like I carry it around with me.
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It fits in your back pocket and anytime someone says something interesting or I have an interesting thought, I just jot it down and then I come back to it sometimes later.
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Sometimes I look at it, sometimes I don t, but I carry it around with me everywhere I go.
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OK, so when you start your own company, here s what you have to do.
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Put a spiral on it because it s annoying how it closes.
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You know what I mean?
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It s pretty good.
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It opens pretty good.
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OK, but also I m seeing you carry your pen around and we need something to put the pen on the thing.
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I like the little it s got the little strap.
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You just hook it on.
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Yeah, but it s not perfect.
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Like a little thing on the side when you create your you know what I mean?
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Like I gotcha.
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Yeah, maybe the pen doesn t like poke our asshole like when it s in there.
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You know what I mean?
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It fits right on the little on the little good one that fits in the other.
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Come in and knock a multi billion dollar note.
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Yeah, yeah.
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No, we can go do it.
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We should all go work on it together.
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So we could sell a lot of this company should get their shit together.
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They only sold like a billion notebooks.
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Yeah, I m disrupting.
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The other one, which I do use this for, is the other habit that I think everyone would benefit from.
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It relates to journaling.
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I was never able to get myself to journal.
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I started doing something, I call it the one, one, one method, which is every single night before you go to bed, sit down with a piece of paper and write down one win from the day, one point of tension or anxiety or stress.
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Give an example.
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you know, I didn t feel like I was present with my son today, or that work thing didn t go well today, or the dog threw up in bed and I yelled at Lauren I wasn t supposed to do that.
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Something like that.
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And then one point of gratitude.
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Something tiny that you felt grateful for during the day.
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It doesn t have to be the massive things, but something tiny like, oh, you know, we had my favorite dinner and it was really good.
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Whatever the tiny thing is.
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I don t think that s gonna be his.
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He had chips for dinner.
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Well, whatever it is, whatever you felt grateful for, because if you do, I mean, it takes two minutes and you immediately like you feel good about the win and you register some win that you had during the day.
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You get off your mind.
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The crappy thing that s been bugging you, that s going to bug you.
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But for me, like, I won t be able to sleep.
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I ll be thinking about it.
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Just like throw it down on paper.
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It s gone.
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It s out of your mind.
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And then you feel grateful for some small thing that you otherwise would have just let blow by that you never would have thought about.
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and it creates a journaling habit that actually kind of moves you forward without taking a bunch of time.
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I also think, like you said, it s not overwhelming.
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It s just the book that you have in your hand is just something small.
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You can just jot down a word or two.
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It doesn t have to be so overwhelming.
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Thank you so much for coming on.
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Where can everyone find you?
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Subscribe to your newsletter.
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All the things.
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Pimp yourself out.
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It s all at my website.
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Sawhillbloom.com.
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Fortunate thing about having a weird name is that like I m at Sawhillbloom on every major platform.
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Easy to get my name.
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I would love to love to connect and meet more of these people.
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I learned a lot.
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Thank you for doing this, man.
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Thank you for having me.
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This was awesome.