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Hello there!
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Hi!
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How was your week?
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SPEAKER_00
How was my week?
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Do you want to give an update?
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SPEAKER_00
Oh, I guess the details, but if you don t want or you can.
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SPEAKER_01
Well, I went on my first non-double date with LinkedIn guy.
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Someone actually, I had drinks with someone who listens to our podcast.
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She s, we ve been kind of fans of each other s work for a while.
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And she was like, do you guys think that the guys listen, the guys that you talk about listen to the podcast?
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And I feel like we just operate as if they don t.
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Yeah.
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Like men don t have podcast apps.
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They don t have Instagram.
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I mean, they might, but we just have to live our lives.
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It s true.
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And we don t, I don t feel like we say negative things.
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I don t think so.
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Even if they did.
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We re just telling our side.
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We re just sharing our experiences.
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And this is a whole conversation that happens on Armchair too.
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Like what s ethical about what you re sharing about other people, but ultimately these are our lives.
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That s the point of these shows.
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So we re going to share.
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I love that.
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Yeah, we had a really good time.
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We went to all time.
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We had chocolate cake and the sweet potatoes.
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And I told him about our egg freezing.
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Every time, you know, I talked a lot about you, actually.
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Well, because it s so fun that I get to talk about, you know… Because now he knows.
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He knows you.
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So it was really actually quite nice.
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Oh, that s interesting.
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That he had the context for a lot of my stories.
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But yeah, we had a really good time.
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He rescheduled twice.
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Well, the first time he rescheduled, I was like, okay, that can happen.
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And then the second time, I texted you and I was like, am I dating you?
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Yeah.
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That is my move.
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Because I think when it happens to the other person, you internalize it.
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You go, oh, they must not really want to go on a date with me.
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They must not be that interested.
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But from your rescheduler perspective, is it that you actually are excited about the date and that s scary?
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SPEAKER_00
Well, it depends on the date.
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For me personally, it s more that I hate dating.
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We talked about this last week, but I don t like dating.
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And so, yes, it s scary, but more, it s not that I m rescheduling for no reason, like something comes up that I want to do, and I don t want to go on the date.
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So I do the thing I want to do.
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Right.
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But I can only do that so many times before I m, I think like, I have to go.
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It s time for me to go on the date.
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It s different for each person and not to scare you.
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But yes, the truth is, I don t really want to go on the date when I do that.
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But it s not because you re not interested by the person.
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I guess I m like, I m just… It was helpful for me to hear that from you.
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Not that like this happens to me all the time, but I think that I definitely internalize other people s… Or like I internalize everything.
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Yeah.
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And so, even this, I was like… I mean, it definitely didn t make me like feel as excited, but I also was like, there could be a million reasons that have nothing to do with me.
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And he has a lot going on.
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He s like moving.
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There s like a lot of moving happening.
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Well, and then I feel that it s a weird balance where you want
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someone who will prioritize you, but you also want someone who has stuff going on, that has a life, right?
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And so if he rescheduled, and we know the first reason why he rescheduled, I don t know the second reason, but he has a life he cares about, I think that s great.
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To me, it s just like there s no desperation, and I like that.
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So you would like someone who is a rescheduler?
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I mean, it s not going to bother you.
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Yeah.
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I wonder if the genders are reversed, it s different.
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I want to feel like, especially for a date with a guy, like he s organizing it and like sort of the one driving the ship.
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And so I think if a woman—maybe you guys don t take it as
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But to me, it s like, if he doesn t know where we re going, or it s that part that I feel like I look for in guys, especially like at the beginning, that they re like on it in terms of getting the date set up.
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But maybe for guys, it s less of a big deal if we re the one canceling because they re the ones kind of driving.
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Maybe, but that s such an old-school dynamic that the man has to plan the date.
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I mean, the last couple guys, I felt like it was more, what should we do?
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It didn t feel… I don t know.
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I think, like, when you re dating, yeah.
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But to me, like, the first few dates, I feel like it s the bare minimum.
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I m gonna put in a lot of time and effort into, like, looking good and, like,
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But women and men, again, it s very traditional and old school, but we each have like our own way of showing up and showing that we care about the other person and like we care about the date.
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And I like when a guy plans it.
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But what about when you re dating a woman?
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I ve not been on as many—I haven t had as many experiences, but when I did, it s the person that s pursuing the other person.
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So, there s one person that s like, I want to go on a date with you, right?
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And usually, I think we fall back when it s men and women.
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Men are the ones kind of pursuing and the ones suggesting the date.
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And when it s women and women, I mean, in my experience, if she asked me on a date, and then she ends up paying because she s the one who wanted to take me out and wanted us to go on a date.
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But in this case, isn t this a little like you and LinkedIn guy?
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Is that the same for second date when everyone sort of agreed?
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Like you guys both want to go on a date with each other?
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Yeah.
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So is it the same?
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Well, I think this is like very not a normal… Like it s rare that you go on a double date before going on the first date.
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So this felt like our first date.
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So yeah.
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I don t know.
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That s what I expect, but certainly not like… Yeah.
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It s interesting.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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Yeah, you know, and then like, I don t know, I went on a date with this guy that, it s like a long story, but I went to this party like two weeks ago.
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I knew one person at this party, and I brought eight people, and then the person, the minute we got there, she s like, I just left.
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And so we got to this party where we didn t know anybody.
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We get there, and then it s like the 40th birthday party of like this guy that I met like six years ago.
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So we went on a few dates and it was very organic in that way.
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It was like more friendly, like it was more like, oh, we connected at one point.
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But LinkedIn Guide, it s like a setting up situation.
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I think, yeah, you expect the guy to like drive the ship a bit.
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But then do you think—this is an interesting broader question—but if that s the expectation at first,
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Do you think that lends itself to a dynamic where they re in control or like they, again, have power?
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All of these dynamics do.
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There s always power dynamics in relationships.
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But to me, this is like the courting phase.
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I think once you re a few dates in, or even again, if the first date goes really well and you guys really are pursuing this, yeah, often I ll be like, oh, I want to go to this place.
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Let s go to this place.
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But I think the first date should be like,
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Not should, for me, what you want.
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Yeah, I want to feel like this person made a plan.
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It s not that complicated.
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Like, I m not like, take me out on this crazy, you know.
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But yeah, I like to know that you can plan and like are thoughtful and care.
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It s just nice to have that.
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But yeah, for other people, it s totally not important.
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That s fine, too.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah, interesting.
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Okay, well, we did a cliffhanger of sorts where we said this week we re going to talk about some of our current favorite things that we are enjoying.
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A sort of summer gift guide mixed with just things we re enjoying right now.
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I feel like I got the assignment wrong, but it ll be great.
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I thought it was like gifts, good ideas for gifts.
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So it s less of my favorite things and more like gifts.
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It ll be similar.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
Okay.
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Do you want to start with one of your items?
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SPEAKER_00
You should start.
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SPEAKER_00
Okay.
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So I have these dessert plates.
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They re from ABC Home.
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They re called the Wonderland plates and they have different ones.
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They re very dainty and mine has like Alice from Alice in Wonderland and she s eating cake on it.
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And I have them out on my table and they re so beautiful and they bring me a ton of joy.
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And I also think they re a great gift.
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They re expensive, but I just mean dessert plates in general are a great gift.
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There s some at Fish s Eddie that are super cute.
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If you search, dessert plates are abundant, but it is something that people don t normally buy themselves.
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If you re buying a plate set, you re probably going to skip the dessert plate.
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And so I think it s a cute gift idea to provide.
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And also because the dessert plate doesn t have to match
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the set.
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I think it s like fun if it doesn t actually.
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So I think that s fun.
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And if you really want to go the extra mile, you could bring a cake.
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Oh, cute.
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So I recommend if you really want to spurge, you can look at ABC Home.
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The plates are so beautiful.
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They re like, I think, China.
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Oh, wow.
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Which is why they re so expensive.
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But yeah, so that s one of mine.
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Cute.
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Okay, one of mine is, this is my move.
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It s like a really good gift.
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I have one and I love it.
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It s called a neck deck, like the Xiao Tzu massage neck massager.
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And it s like warm and it like really… Like I gave one to my sister for Christmas one year and she will like talk about it on a regular because she writes children s books and like does illustrations.
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And she s like, every time if I have a long day of drawing, I ll like use it and it really takes out the knots.
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Like it s not just… It s nice.
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It s self-care.
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It s like fun.
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really—I don t know what technology they ve figured out, but it really does work where if you have tension somewhere and you can t get it out, it ll get it out.
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And it s like 50 bucks.
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You get it on Amazon.
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If you stayed at someone s house or something like that, like it s a good little—or like I had a friend who had a baby, and often people give gifts for the baby, but like giving a gift to the mother, it s a good one.
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And I love mine.
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It s so great.
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It s so nice.
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Speaking of gifts for the mother, this isn t on my list, but this is an idea.
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Okay, there s a spa in New York called Shibu Spa.
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It s in the Greenwich Hotel, and they have these Japanese robes that you wear
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into the massage and it s a navy blue and it has these white little flowers.
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They re so beautiful and they re so comfortable and they re so chic and you can buy them.
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So I just bought one, spoiler, I don t think she listens, but I bought one for my friend who s pregnant and we re throwing a shower for her and so it s a gift for the mom as opposed to a gift for the baby.
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SPEAKER_00
I mean, you can do both, but I think it s a nice little… Yeah, robes are just so nice.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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You ve given me a robe.
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SPEAKER_00
Yes.
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Barbie robe.
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So soft.
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Again, it s those things that you don t necessarily buy for yourself, you know?
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SPEAKER_00
Yes.
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Because you re like, oh, I don t need… And I wear your robe, the one we have in our picture.
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SPEAKER_00
Yes, our cover art has robes.
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I love it.
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Okay, so next for me is, I might have said this before, it might have been on a gift guide, so I feel bad if I m repeating, but oh well.
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So the other day I went to Chateau Marmont with girlfriends for dinner.
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I talked about this on Armchair.
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but they have these candles there that are insane.
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They were sold out for six years.
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It was a whole thing.
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It is stupid, but they re back in stock.
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And so I bought one for all of us.
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And I think that s such a good gift idea.
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If you ve gone and experienced something with that friend, like you ve gone to a hotel with that friend or vacation or like a yummy dinner or something, and there s something from the place
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that you can buy like the candle or also I ve given the Bemelman s martini glasses to Amy because we all spent time in New York together and we went to Bemelman s.
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Things like that where they re like nice, especially if it s like a nice candle or
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a nice martini glass or something.
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I also had a friend, some friends from home, we went to a dinner in Denver.
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This was many years ago.
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And we were all shocked at how gorgeous the wine glasses were.
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You know, it was a point of conversation.
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So then I like looked to see what they were.
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And then for Christmas, I gave her two of those.
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So just like mixing the experience with the tangible item, I think is fun.
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SPEAKER_00
Wow.
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That s a really interesting style.
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I feel like you could give a masterclass.
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I love it.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah, that s such a good idea.
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My parents are going on a trip and it was my dad s birthday.
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And so me and my sister, we never know what to get my dad because he s like… Dads are so hard.
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He s Bernie Sanders.
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Literally Bernie Sanders.
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SPEAKER_00
Do you want to get him the gloves then?
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SPEAKER_00
Even that, he d be like, I have gloves.
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SPEAKER_00
Why did you buy these?
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SPEAKER_00
This is bad for the environment.
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SPEAKER_00
Like, he would just be annoyed if we got him something that he doesn t need.
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SPEAKER_00
So, we knew where they were going in Italy, and so I—and my dad has a hearing impairment, so I Googled quiet restaurants where that would be nice for him, and then getting him, like, a gift certificate for a specific restaurant.
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SPEAKER_00
That s nice.
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SPEAKER_00
Like, but mine is more basic.
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Yours is taking something that you ve experienced together and then getting them something to remember it is also really sweet.
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Nice little memory.
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But both, yeah.
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I mean, it s all about like thinking, thoughtfulness.
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SPEAKER_00
Obviously, yeah, getting a gift is like, will they like it?
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SPEAKER_00
But when someone goes the extra mile, that makes such a difference.
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SPEAKER_00
Okay, my next one is like red light therapy.
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Like anything red light therapy, I m a big fan of because I got a panel from Koze, K-O-Z-E, which is the brand I like trust.
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SPEAKER_00
Because again, sometimes you don t know what you re getting and like some of these red light devices can be kind of
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whatever, but I really love it.
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They have masks.
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SPEAKER_00
There s a whole range of products.
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SPEAKER_00
There s even like red light light bulbs you can get.
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SPEAKER_00
If someone has trouble sleeping, it has a way of like canceling out blue light so that it helps your body in like so many— Circadian rhythms.
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Circadian rhythms.
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SPEAKER_00
Like red light is just great.
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SPEAKER_00
It helped my sleep a lot too.
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SPEAKER_00
Like I have a lot of insomnia and it really helps.
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SPEAKER_00
So it ranges from really expensive, but the light bulbs are like 20 bucks.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah, that s cool.
1
SPEAKER_00
So yeah, there s many ways of gifting red light.
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SPEAKER_00
which is so good for your skin.
1
SPEAKER_01
I think Rick Rubin does something like this, like at a certain time of night, everything turns red.
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SPEAKER_01
Yep.
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SPEAKER_01
It s interesting.
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SPEAKER_00
I put on only my little neons.
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SPEAKER_00
I think this was a Hooperman thing or like where it was like five hours before bed or something like that.
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SPEAKER_00
You can t have direct
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SPEAKER_00
Five hours?
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah, something like a few hours before bed, you have to start dimming.
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SPEAKER_00
Oh, jeez.
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SPEAKER_00
I notice it makes a difference.
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SPEAKER_00
But again, I can t sleep, so for someone who doesn t have trouble, it s probably fine.
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SPEAKER_01
I thought of you the other day because you said that you use two eye masks, and I need a good eye mask.
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SPEAKER_00
I found—okay, I m going to add this to my favorite things—I found the perfect eye mask.
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SPEAKER_00
What is it?
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SPEAKER_00
I have to remember the brand because I m going to order it right now.
1
SPEAKER_00
Why?
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SPEAKER_00
Because you re having trouble sleeping?
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SPEAKER_01
I don t sleep well, but also what I realized, and I can t believe it took me this long to realize, the apartment building next to my bedroom window has a light
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on all night.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh.
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SPEAKER_01
It s an outdoor light and it just stays on.
1
SPEAKER_01
So there s a light on next to my bedroom window all night.
1
SPEAKER_01
Right.
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SPEAKER_01
So like, I can t believe it took me six years to realize it.
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SPEAKER_01
That s how oblivious I am.
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SPEAKER_01
I think that s obviously having an impact.
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SPEAKER_00
Wow.
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SPEAKER_00
For sure.
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SPEAKER_00
And it impacts all these chemicals that I don t remember.
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SPEAKER_00
Even just going to the bathroom and turning on the light.
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SPEAKER_00
I know.
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SPEAKER_00
You re not supposed to do that.
1
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
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SPEAKER_00
So imagine all the time.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay, so this is how it came through.
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SPEAKER_00
It was advertised to me on Instagram, obviously.
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SPEAKER_00
Obviously.
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SPEAKER_00
I saw the version on Instagram and it was expensive, so I found a cheaper one on Amazon.
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SPEAKER_00
But basically, it s called Door and Rose is the brand.
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SPEAKER_00
And it s this like very thick eye mask.
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SPEAKER_00
It s almost, it looks like you have those 80s rollerblader sunglasses on.
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SPEAKER_00
It kind of goes over your forehead.
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SPEAKER_00
And again, the way it was advertised was something like, better than Botox, like whatever, right?
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SPEAKER_00
It like protects your face basically from the creases or something s happening in your sleep.
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SPEAKER_00
But then I found a cheaper version on Amazon, and I like it.
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SPEAKER_00
It s Zensia.
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SPEAKER_00
It s Z-E-N-S-S-I-A, and it s 100% mulberry silk.
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SPEAKER_00
Basically, they re like made of silk.
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SPEAKER_00
Right.
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SPEAKER_00
And Brooklinen has a silk one that is good.
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SPEAKER_00
And Slip also has one.
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SPEAKER_00
There s another brand called Lunya, which also is similar, where they just came up with this larger eye mask situation, and it s so nice.
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SPEAKER_00
It s all like moisturized, and I almost feel like it also like keeps in like moisture.
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SPEAKER_00
That s a totally, I don t know if it does that.
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SPEAKER_00
But it feels really fluffy, and it never comes off.
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SPEAKER_00
I m so happy with it.
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SPEAKER_01
Oh, wow.
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SPEAKER_01
Okay.
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SPEAKER_01
I m gonna get this.
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SPEAKER_01
It s $29.
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
The one on Dora and Rose.
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SPEAKER_00
Oh, that s cheap.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it s not that bad.
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SPEAKER_00
The one on Amazon is 20 bucks.
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SPEAKER_01
But do whatever.
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SPEAKER_01
Skin recovering sleep mask is what this one is called.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I get all of them in black.
1
SPEAKER_00
I know that eye masks are cute in all colors, but it makes a difference.
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SPEAKER_00
The black.
1
SPEAKER_00
Get it in black.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, that s smart.
1
SPEAKER_00
For blackout, you know?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
Cool, I m getting this.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yay!
1
SPEAKER_00
That s very exciting.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh my god, fun.
1
SPEAKER_00
I wasn t even on my list, but now it makes up for all the— because all of my other ones are weird.
1
SPEAKER_00
Ooh.
1
SPEAKER_00
Because they re like gifts.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, it s fine.
1
SPEAKER_01
My assumption is you re only giving gifts that you like or have or know.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
But the red light therapy, I have the Dennis Gross mask.
1
SPEAKER_01
I also gave that for White Elephant and it was a big hit.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, I remember.
1
SPEAKER_00
I really wanted it.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s a good one.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s great.
1
SPEAKER_01
Is it my turn or your turn?
1
SPEAKER_01
No, my turn because you did red light.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_01
So next for me, this is a small, small item.
1
SPEAKER_01
There s a design store down the street from us.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s called Pearson Ward.
1
SPEAKER_01
Incredible store.
1
SPEAKER_01
Beautiful store.
1
SPEAKER_01
They had this Japanese soap.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s a round soap.
1
SPEAKER_01
The brand is spelled T-O-M-A-N-O-H-A-D-A.
1
SPEAKER_01
If you put that in and do round soap, you ll see it.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I have the musk smell, and it is so good.
1
SPEAKER_01
And it makes my whole bathroom smell so delicious and good.
1
SPEAKER_01
But they had a rose one.
1
SPEAKER_01
Rose isn t really my scent.
1
SPEAKER_00
I relate.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s not someone gave me a rose.
1
SPEAKER_00
I have like, I have to finish it because this was really a nice soap that was going to be like every time I like, okay, I like strong.
1
SPEAKER_00
I can t breathe it in.
1
SPEAKER_00
I feel like I m eating a grandma.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it s a little grandma for me too.
1
SPEAKER_01
But people love rose and it did smell nice.
1
SPEAKER_01
for a rose smell.
1
SPEAKER_01
It smells very clean.
1
SPEAKER_01
All of these smell very clean.
1
SPEAKER_01
And they have a fig one I want to try too.
1
SPEAKER_01
And they have lavender, but it s very luxurious.
1
SPEAKER_01
And so I recommend on the Tamanohata, the Tamanohata sphere round palm oil.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s so yummy.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s really good.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God.
2
SPEAKER_01
And if you have a beautiful like little dish to put it in, that s what I did to just like sit by the sink.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s just sitting in this like beautiful dish.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, so it s a hand soap.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s like a bar.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m using it as a hand soap.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it s a bar.
2
SPEAKER_01
It looks like this.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh wow, that s so pretty.
2
SPEAKER_01
The Japanese are great.
2
SPEAKER_01
They got it.
2
SPEAKER_01
Ow.
2
SPEAKER_01
Everything s so sleek and beautiful.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I love things that make your whole bathroom—like, that s so nice.
2
SPEAKER_00
I would give these shower—what is that called?
2
SPEAKER_00
Bath bombs.
2
SPEAKER_00
No, not bath bombs.
2
SPEAKER_00
For your shower.
2
SPEAKER_00
Do a charade.
2
SPEAKER_00
I know, it s like… Little air fresheners?
2
SPEAKER_00
Almost, like pastis.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s French.
2
SPEAKER_00
I know.
2
SPEAKER_00
I know.
2
SPEAKER_00
What is it?
2
SPEAKER_00
Miracle lavender.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like a steamer.
2
SPEAKER_00
Shower steamer.
2
SPEAKER_00
Have you ever heard of that?
2
SPEAKER_00
No.
2
SPEAKER_00
How would you call this?
2
SPEAKER_00
It s a pastis.
2
SPEAKER_00
From here…
2
SPEAKER_00
I can t really tell.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s like a little puck.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s like a diffuser, kind of.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s like a little puck that s made out of aromatherapy scents and— Like essential oils.
2
SPEAKER_00
Essential oils.
2
SPEAKER_00
You put it on your shower drain, and so every time you take a shower, you smell— Oh, it releases.
2
SPEAKER_00
It releases it, and so your bathroom kind of just smells good.
2
SPEAKER_01
That sounds great.
2
SPEAKER_01
A good hack for your bathroom smelling nice during the shower is if you hang eucalyptus from your showerhead.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s why you have that.
2
SPEAKER_01
I threw it out because it was old.
2
SPEAKER_01
You gotta replace them.
2
SPEAKER_00
And it smells good.
2
SPEAKER_00
For how long?
2
SPEAKER_01
Good question.
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
2
SPEAKER_01
But it just, like, makes it, like, feel spa-like.
2
SPEAKER_01
Ooh.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like, smells like a spa.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_01
Ding, ding, ding.
2
SPEAKER_01
Something crazy happened the other day.
2
SPEAKER_01
I was taking a shower.
2
SPEAKER_01
I had a different shower head than what came with the apartment because it was filtered water or whatever.
2
SPEAKER_01
and it crashed in the middle of my shower.
2
SPEAKER_01
Thank God it didn t crash on my head.
2
SPEAKER_01
I just started Six Feet Under.
2
SPEAKER_01
Rob, I watched eight episodes of Six Feet Under.
2
SPEAKER_00
Since Friday?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_01
Easter egg, we did an episode of Flightless Bird that made me want to watch it.
2
SPEAKER_01
So I started it, and at the beginning of each episode, there s a death.
2
SPEAKER_01
And this showerhead crashing down is exactly how someone would have died on Six Feet Under.
2
SPEAKER_00
Can you die?
2
SPEAKER_00
It was heavy.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s big.
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t know what we re talking about.
2
SPEAKER_01
So it s like a heavy, I don t know how to explain it other than it s a showerhead.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s heavy because of the filtration in there.
2
SPEAKER_01
So it crashed in the tub.
2
SPEAKER_01
It like exploded.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then there was so much, it looked horrifying.
2
SPEAKER_01
It looked like there was poop everywhere, and I got so nervous.
2
SPEAKER_01
I was like, why?
2
SPEAKER_01
I was like, ew, is it all like moldy?
2
SPEAKER_01
But really, I think the filter itself is just like brown, sandy type material.
2
SPEAKER_01
So that was all over the top.
2
SPEAKER_01
I had to clean it.
2
SPEAKER_01
It was a big disaster.
2
SPEAKER_00
Really threw me.
2
SPEAKER_00
Do you need filtered water?
2
SPEAKER_00
Is it good for your hair?
2
SPEAKER_00
It makes a difference?
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I don t know.
2
SPEAKER_01
So since then, so I cleaned up all the crap.
2
SPEAKER_01
And so now I don t have a shower head.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s just pouring like a waterfall.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I kind of like it.
2
SPEAKER_01
I like it.
2
SPEAKER_01
That sounds great.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it s making my hair washing much quicker.
2
SPEAKER_01
Because it s not diffused.
2
SPEAKER_01
Sure.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s just like someone dumping a bunch of water on my head.
2
SPEAKER_01
That feels so nice.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s pretty nice.
2
SPEAKER_00
I think I might keep it.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s spa-like.
2
SPEAKER_01
It is spa-like.
2
SPEAKER_00
Anywho.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m glad you survived.
2
SPEAKER_00
Thank you.
2
SPEAKER_00
Me too.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s scary.
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, any kind of shower accident is scary.
2
SPEAKER_00
Have you had any?
2
SPEAKER_00
I slip a lot, but I ve never like hurt myself, knock on wood, but the last two apartments I ve lived in, there s no bathtub.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s only just been shower, which actually is way safer because you re not getting in and slipping in, but I m like slippery.
2
SPEAKER_00
You probably need to put those things they put for babies at the bathtub.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yes, you re right.
2
SPEAKER_00
The grip for single women.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yes, exactly.
2
SPEAKER_01
Support for Synced comes from Article.
2
SPEAKER_01
Article s fantastic.
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We love Article.
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I was just on the site with a friend the other day because my friend is revamping his living room and we were picking out a whole bunch of items.
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Article s so nice because it s very chic.
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It s so stylish, and it s so elevated and sophisticated, and it s different, right?
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Like, it really gives you a selection of home decor maybe you would have never been adventurous to look for.
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But yeah, when I moved to LA, it was the first thing.
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I mean, I wanted to get everything.
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But the patio furniture was so pretty.
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Support for Synced comes from SKIMS.
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Gosh, do we love SKIMS.
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I m wearing SKIMS right now.
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Didn t even mean to be, but I am.
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That happens to me all the time.
2
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I can t wear any other t-shirt.
2
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I know.
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It s the best t-shirt and the most comfortable.
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It makes no sense.
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It has amazing fit and quality, which is very hard to get both.
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I love the Fits Everybody t-shirt and Onyx, but I also like the soft, smoothing, seamless t-shirt and marble has been a standout for me.
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Yes, I have that one too.
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I love it.
2
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I need it in all the colors because I wear it so much.
2
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Yes.
2
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I also really love the boyfriend t-shirt.
2
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I have it in onyx.
2
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I love a boyfriend tee.
2
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Like I love it when it s a little oversized.
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It s so good.
2
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We just love everything they make.
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And I ve said this before.
2
SPEAKER_01
I ve worn skims on like two out of the three first dates.
2
SPEAKER_00
I ve had in the last couple months.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yes, it s such a good first.
2
SPEAKER_00
You re right, because it just looks so great.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s flattering, but it s simple.
2
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
2
SPEAKER_00
It looks like you didn t try hard at all.
2
SPEAKER_00
You just look that great.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_00
Because it s a t-shirt, right?
2
SPEAKER_00
It s a super classic look, but it just looks so good.
2
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Agreed.
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All right.
2
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Okay.
2
SPEAKER_00
Now your turn.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_00
So this is the weird one.
2
SPEAKER_00
I love doing personalized Oreos for people.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s so cute.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s a website.
2
SPEAKER_00
I think you literally Google personalized Oreos and it ll pop up.
2
SPEAKER_00
I should probably shut them out.
2
SPEAKER_00
And so, it s just a really goofy gift.
2
SPEAKER_00
Is it oreo.com?
2
SPEAKER_00
My assumption is they have… I hope they re making them.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oreo.com.
2
SPEAKER_00
Hilarious.
2
SPEAKER_00
So, you go to oreo.com and you can put a photo.
2
SPEAKER_00
You can write something.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, wow.
2
SPEAKER_00
And it takes a little bit.
2
SPEAKER_00
You have to do it a little bit in advance.
2
SPEAKER_00
You know, it s not a tomorrow s their birthday and I forgot kind of thing.
2
SPEAKER_00
But it s a really funny gift.
2
SPEAKER_00
My friend Simone had this really silly character that she would do with Snapchat filters, and so I made a bunch of Oreos with the characters telling her happy birthday.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh!
2
SPEAKER_00
So you can just get really goofy with it.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s so cute.
2
SPEAKER_00
And it s kind of fun.
2
SPEAKER_00
I love Oreos.
2
SPEAKER_00
I love Oreos so much.
2
SPEAKER_00
And they re vegan, I think.
2
SPEAKER_00
I think they are.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I know vegans that eat them.
2
SPEAKER_00
Which doesn t make sense.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s a little unnerving.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like they shouldn t be, but that s okay.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s okay.
2
SPEAKER_00
We still love them.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oreos are the best.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oreos and milk is not vegan.
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, you could dip it in all kinds of different milks.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, you re right.
2
SPEAKER_01
There s vegan milk.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, oat milk.
2
SPEAKER_01
Is oat milk vegan?
2
SPEAKER_00
Of course.
2
SPEAKER_00
Non-dairy.
2
SPEAKER_00
Almond milk, oat milk, pistachio milk.
2
SPEAKER_00
You go to oat.
2
SPEAKER_00
You re an oat lady.
2
SPEAKER_00
No, I was.
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, now you re whole.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I m back to regular whole milk.
2
SPEAKER_00
Do you feel a change?
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, because once you switch to these healthier milks and you learn that they re a mess, it s like, oh, there s all these oils and this, and oh, this is a carcinogen.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s like, oh my God.
2
SPEAKER_01
So I just went back to regular whole milk.
2
SPEAKER_01
I love it.
2
SPEAKER_01
Great.
2
SPEAKER_01
Love it.
2
SPEAKER_01
Happy with it.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_01
Speaking of the Oreos, I do think personalized food is really fun.
2
SPEAKER_01
Bill Gates, after we had him on the first time, he sent us Diet Coke.
2
SPEAKER_01
It was personalized, and so Dax had a pack.
2
SPEAKER_01
It said, Bill and Dax.
2
SPEAKER_01
Rob, you got one too, right?
2
SPEAKER_01
You had one that said, Bill and Rob.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then mine said, Bill and Monica.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I posted it, not thinking at all that it looked like Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky.
2
SPEAKER_01
And she texted me, and she was laughing.
2
SPEAKER_01
She s the coolest person on earth, has such a good sense of humor, and she was put through, like, the fucking trauma of the century from the world, and she s just really awesome.
2
SPEAKER_01
But anyway, yes, I didn t even think
3
SPEAKER_01
twice about it, Bill and Monica.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s great.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s such a thoughtful gift.
3
SPEAKER_00
It was.
3
SPEAKER_00
I didn t even know you could do that.
3
SPEAKER_00
It makes sense.
3
SPEAKER_00
Brands are smart.
3
SPEAKER_00
They re smart.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_01
Now, next for me, this is not a gift.
3
SPEAKER_01
This is just what I m super into right now is this nail polish I m wearing.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, it s so nice.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s this really pretty orange.
3
SPEAKER_01
There s like a red undertone to it that makes it a little not bright.
3
SPEAKER_01
But it s not Halloween orange either.
3
SPEAKER_01
It feels matte or like opaque.
3
SPEAKER_01
It has a really cool jelliness to it.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I ve been taking a break from manicures at a salon in lieu of doing my own.
3
SPEAKER_01
I ve been doing my own for the past few months, so I felt that I could splurge on the colors and the nail polish itself.
3
SPEAKER_00
Why did you decide to move away?
3
SPEAKER_01
It was more just, it takes time to go, and I love it.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s fun to do, but it was just taking too long.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s funny, I haven t been going either.
3
SPEAKER_00
I used to get pedicures.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s like a fun self-care thing, and I haven t done it.
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, we used to go a lot, and I guess since we don t go, I don t go.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it s a whole thing, and I m like, I don t know if I need to.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, so I ve been doing my own, and it s a Chanel nail polish.
3
SPEAKER_01
Maybe, I think it s French, so you will probably know how to say it.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s two words, E-T-E, and then I-N-D-I-E-N.
3
SPEAKER_00
I need to see that.
3
SPEAKER_00
What?
3
SPEAKER_00
E-T-E.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, that s the first word.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, that s not really a word.
3
SPEAKER_00
But it should be two E s.
3
SPEAKER_00
Summer is apparently what it means.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, thank you.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay, so it is a word.
3
SPEAKER_01
So, Indian summer is probably what it means.
3
SPEAKER_00
What s the second word?
3
SPEAKER_01
I-N-D-I-E-N.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh my god.
3
SPEAKER_01
Ding, ding, ding.
3
SPEAKER_01
Indian summer.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m Indian.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh my god.
3
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
3
SPEAKER_01
What does this mean?
3
SPEAKER_01
What does it mean?
3
SPEAKER_01
It s number 163.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s beautiful.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s a beautiful color.
3
SPEAKER_01
I really like it.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s going to take me through the summer, I think.
3
SPEAKER_00
You re having an Indian summer.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s exciting.
3
SPEAKER_01
Exactly.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_00
Another, again, I like to use Etsy to personalize.
3
SPEAKER_00
anything.
3
SPEAKER_00
I got a Stanley Cup for my niece for her birthday this year, and there s so many shops that you can personalize, and they ll personalize the Stanley Cup with whatever you want them to.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, that s cute.
3
SPEAKER_00
When I went to Greece on that trip last summer, I made personalized t-shirts and a captain hat because the guy was wearing his, like, captain
3
SPEAKER_00
class captain s license or whatever and so i got him like a personalized captain hat with his name on it again all etsy and it s really affordable and you can personalize anything on etsy literally anything but hats t-shirts mugs stanley cups cute it s like a fun one
3
SPEAKER_00
How many more do you have?
3
SPEAKER_00
We can wrap up.
3
SPEAKER_00
I have one more.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay, great.
3
SPEAKER_01
So next for me, this is from Gohar World, which is a website and they have these lemon squeezers.
3
SPEAKER_01
You put like a slice of lemon in there and they have a bird and a fish and they re so cute.
3
SPEAKER_01
I asked for one for Christmas two years ago and I got it.
3
SPEAKER_01
And if you have a dinner party or something, it s just such a cute thing to have
3
SPEAKER_01
out and have people squeeze their whatever you have.
3
SPEAKER_01
Squeeze your lemon.
3
SPEAKER_01
Squeeze their lemon over the food.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s just to me, when I m at someone s house, it s always those tiny details that I am super attracted to.
3
SPEAKER_01
Who needs this little lemon squeezer?
3
SPEAKER_01
No one.
3
SPEAKER_01
But it makes everything feel more intentional and sweet and
3
SPEAKER_01
But so wait, does everyone have their own lemon squeezer?
3
SPEAKER_00
No.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay, so you just go around and you go like, who wants some lemon squeeze?
3
SPEAKER_00
That s sweet.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, just like when if you like are passing the plate, it s just out.
3
SPEAKER_00
Wow, I like that.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it s really cute.
3
SPEAKER_01
I ve seen this on a couple other people s gift guides who I trust.
3
SPEAKER_01
So it s like a cool girl move to have it.
3
SPEAKER_01
I recommend on that.
3
SPEAKER_00
My last one is Flamingo Estate candles.
3
SPEAKER_00
Usually, like, I ll just have one at my house.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s one of those, like, if you re going to someone s house, or again, like a last-minute gift.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s just a really luxurious but affordable candle.
3
SPEAKER_01
They smell so good.
3
SPEAKER_01
All of their stuff smells so good.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay, so my last one, of course, I don t know how to tell you how to get it.
3
SPEAKER_01
So this is a bummer.
3
SPEAKER_01
But at Nikki Kehoe Design Store in Los Angeles, incredible.
3
SPEAKER_01
And full disclosure, my designer.
3
SPEAKER_01
The store is so good.
3
SPEAKER_01
They just opened one in New York.
3
SPEAKER_01
So if you re in New York, also please check out Nikki Kehoe or if you re here.
3
SPEAKER_01
But a couple of months ago, they had these cards
3
SPEAKER_01
they re very thick cardstock and they have these gorgeous French cartoon drawings on them and you re supposed to spray your perfume on it and then like give it to your lover.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh!
3
SPEAKER_01
Which is such a, I just love it so much.
3
SPEAKER_01
I plan on using it as
3
SPEAKER_01
cards stationary.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I think there s a couple that I want to frame.
3
SPEAKER_01
They re beautiful.
3
SPEAKER_01
They re so cute.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s enough like framing a card I think is a really fun move.
3
SPEAKER_01
I had this little card with this tiny drawing of a pancake on it from the store next to All Time called Grandpa and I framed it and hung it in my kitchen and it s so cute.
3
SPEAKER_01
Art can be
3
SPEAKER_01
Anything you want it to be.
3
SPEAKER_00
And framing a photo of you guys.
3
SPEAKER_00
I love getting those because framing is such a hassle.
3
SPEAKER_00
I ll just won t do it.
3
SPEAKER_00
So when someone gives me like a frame already done, it s so nice.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s all ready to go.
3
SPEAKER_00
I had a friend do that of like a trip we went to.
3
SPEAKER_00
She like framed this really beautiful photo of us.
3
SPEAKER_01
You really have to know the person s style if you re gonna do that.
3
SPEAKER_01
Or if they don t care.
3
SPEAKER_01
Exactly.
3
SPEAKER_01
But if they do and then you get them a frame they don t want.
3
SPEAKER_01
I ve been in this position where I love it, but I m like,
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, this doesn t go, but then if I replace the frame, they ll see it, and then that s uncomfortable.
3
SPEAKER_01
So, can get sticky.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s tough.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, wow.
3
SPEAKER_01
Anywho, alright.
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, I guess for now, that s gonna conclude our summer gift guide, our summer favorite things.
3
SPEAKER_01
But maybe we ll revisit this down the line, because I think it s fun.
3
SPEAKER_01
I like hearing
3
SPEAKER_01
what other people are into, and getting inspiration and ideas.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay, so let s do some questions.
3
SPEAKER_01
Wait, and so real quick, so are you gonna see LinkedIn guy again, do you think?
3
SPEAKER_01
I think so.
3
SPEAKER_01
Love it.
3
SPEAKER_01
I hope the double date leads to a long and happy marriage.
3
SPEAKER_01
It would be great.
3
SPEAKER_01
You would officiate the wedding.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God, I ll get started on my speech right now.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m just gonna read Taylor Swift s commencement speech.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God, I would love nothing more
3
SPEAKER_01
Support for Cynct comes from Masterclass.
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SPEAKER_01
Before we even started recording this ad, Liz got really excited just reading that we were supported by Masterclass because she loves Masterclass, and so do I. So good.
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Yeah, I mean, I think it s the dream as an adult to go back to college and not have to take tests or anything, but just learn.
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Yes, that s right.
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4
SPEAKER_00
This is intense.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
Help.
4
SPEAKER_00
Drunken one-night stand before my wedding.
4
SPEAKER_00
Rob s face.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, this is intense.
4
SPEAKER_00
We re not here to judge.
4
SPEAKER_00
This is from anonymous, duh.
4
SPEAKER_00
What if they put their last name?
4
SPEAKER_00
Hi, Monica and Liz, absolutely love your podcast and have from Race to 35 up until now.
4
SPEAKER_00
Really feels like I m just hanging with the gals.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m writing in because I ve made a big mistake.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m getting married in a couple months, but I ve been on holiday overseas and ended up making out with a guy after a lot of shots, like a lot.
4
SPEAKER_00
I have a lot of blank memories.
4
SPEAKER_00
I have never been someone to do this.
4
SPEAKER_00
I can t sleep or eat.
4
SPEAKER_00
The guilt is a lot.
4
SPEAKER_00
I love my husband to be incredibly deeply.
4
SPEAKER_00
We ve been together for many years already.
4
SPEAKER_00
We ve been through an incredible amount together and I love our life.
4
SPEAKER_00
I ve booked in for some therapy to reconcile the fact that I m even someone who could do this.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m so afraid to hurt him and lose everything.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m in a total ethical dilemma.
4
SPEAKER_00
Do I keep this from him and continue our happy lives and work on forgiving myself and being the best partner I can be, knowing I never want to do this again?
4
SPEAKER_00
Or do I confess, knowing it will completely break him and our trust, especially tough in the lead up to our wedding?
4
SPEAKER_00
Keeping it in would be a shift in my own values and the open and honest relationship we ve always had.
4
SPEAKER_00
But telling him may mean losing it all over something completely stupid.
4
SPEAKER_00
Help. 
4
SPEAKER_00
This is so hard.
4
SPEAKER_00
People might be mad at me for saying this, but I m sorry.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like, I m sorry you re in this position.
4
SPEAKER_00
Of course, me too.
4
SPEAKER_00
And it really sucks when you do something you can t take back.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I think we ve all been in positions where we ve done something we can t take back.
4
SPEAKER_00
So what are your initial thoughts?
4
SPEAKER_01
I think my immediate thoughts… I don t know.
4
SPEAKER_01
I was dating someone long distance in my 20s, and we weren t engaged or anything, but still, there was a night similar to that where I didn t even sleep with the person, but I was like,
4
SPEAKER_01
I think it was my birthday, like, I was very drunk, and I kept putting my hand on his mouth, but then would, like, put my mouth— Like, but that was the extent of what happened, but I felt terrible for months.
4
SPEAKER_01
And, like, I never told him, but looking back, I wish I had, because I ended up just feeling guilty out of the blue all the time about something that I don t— Well, this is a little— Because he was so toxic.
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, if I would have told him, I think the relationship actually would have taken a different turn if I told him for the best, where like maybe it wouldn t have been the sort of right relationship.
4
SPEAKER_01
But in this case, it feels like it is the right relationship, and she wants to build this and keep going.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I relate to just the guilt and that feeling is just going to follow you around and you re going to feel guilty all the time.
4
SPEAKER_01
You don t want to start the relationship in this dynamic where you feel like you ve wronged someone, right?
4
SPEAKER_01
Or that you have to make up or compensate for being this terrible person.
4
SPEAKER_01
Which, again, I don t know if that s what she s doing, but that s what would happen to me.
4
SPEAKER_01
It would be so in the back of my mind so often that then it would motivate certain things that I would do.
4
SPEAKER_01
And so, at the risk of not knowing what s going to unfold, I think it s worth maybe talking about.
4
SPEAKER_01
And maybe there is also a conversation with yourself about, you know, about drinking, you know?
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
That could be also something to think about and then bring to your partner.
4
SPEAKER_00
We can t give you a right answer here.
4
SPEAKER_00
There is no right answer.
4
SPEAKER_00
So it s, it s just what you can live with ultimately at the end of the day.
4
SPEAKER_00
But I do think if you are telling the person so that you are relieved of guilt, knowing it s going to cause so much pain, I don t know.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like it s tricky for me because that s still about you.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s still like, I feel too guilty.
4
SPEAKER_00
So I m going to have to say something so that I don t feel guilty.
4
SPEAKER_00
Here s what I ll say.
4
SPEAKER_00
If I was in this position and I was him, I would not want to know.
4
SPEAKER_01
I 100% would never want to hear this.
4
SPEAKER_00
Because then you can t unhear it.
4
SPEAKER_00
You ll never unhear that for the rest of your life.
4
SPEAKER_00
And this person seems that they are very adamant about correcting behavior as far as never doing this in the future, going to therapy, figuring their own shit out, understanding why.
4
SPEAKER_00
And maybe there s curbing behaviors moving forward.
4
SPEAKER_00
I think she can do that.
4
SPEAKER_00
and not ruin his life.
4
SPEAKER_00
I mean, really.
4
SPEAKER_00
I would not want to know.
4
SPEAKER_00
I want that person to figure their shit out on their own, and let s move on with our— Like, I— Wow.
4
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I have friends that are in a really serious relationship, and that happened, and their relationship has been a mess.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like, they ve worked on it really hard, but it then set up this whole dynamic where, like, she kind of got over it, but then she was then being flirty with other— Like— Because she felt like she, like, was owed that kind of— Yeah, and I think there was resentment.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s really hard to overcome.
4
SPEAKER_00
It is.
4
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I ve seen both examples.
4
SPEAKER_00
I ve seen a couple that wasn t able to overcome it.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I ve seen a couple that did.
4
SPEAKER_00
So it s so specific to the person and the people.
4
SPEAKER_00
And maybe part of it is knowing your partner.
4
SPEAKER_00
And do you think he would like ultimately want to know?
4
SPEAKER_00
I mean, there are things that I ve found out in my life that I
4
SPEAKER_00
wish I d never known.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like, if I had never known that, I just would have been a happier person.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I think it s one thing if it s a pattern, and it s something that you think about all the time, and that you re acting on, or that you feel like you need to, like, repress, this feels a little bit different from that.
4
SPEAKER_01
So maybe you re right.
4
SPEAKER_01
I mean, there s a part of me that s like, if this was me, and I couldn t remember three quarters of it anyways, I d be like, oh, I just don t really remember.
4
SPEAKER_01
It didn t happen.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then, again, I get help in terms of drinking and just reflecting on, you know, because again, not that those things always go hand in hand, but in my friend s case, he needed to work on his drug use and become really sober and commit to that because you re making different decisions.
4
SPEAKER_01
And so, if this was my friend, I would support her either way.
4
SPEAKER_00
Regardless.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
And yeah, I think if you know that your partner is extremely sensitive to cheating and would definitely, I don t know if it s ever come up, I feel like sometimes eventually does, you get a sense with your partner.
4
SPEAKER_01
If this is like a non-starter, then I think it s also a different story.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like if you know this is like
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, that s all we can really say, I think.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s my personal take, is I wouldn t want to know.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s all I can sort of offer to the table.
4
SPEAKER_00
And go to therapy.
4
SPEAKER_00
Talk it out.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay, here s another anonymous.
4
SPEAKER_00
I get sad after sexting.
4
SPEAKER_00
Hi, Monica and Liz.
4
SPEAKER_00
I have a man friend who lives in a different state.
4
SPEAKER_00
We both like each other, but can t commit to dating long distance, much to my dismay.
4
SPEAKER_00
We are in pretty regular contact, and from time to time, we end up sexting.
4
SPEAKER_00
It gets really heated.
4
SPEAKER_00
We send videos back and forth.
4
SPEAKER_00
He brings out a super sexual side of me, and he makes me feel so wanted.
4
SPEAKER_00
The only issue is I get sad when the sexting ends.
4
SPEAKER_00
I think part of it is that there s no after sex cuddling, and I m hit with the reality of our situation being miles and miles away.
4
SPEAKER_00
Sometimes I think I shouldn t cross into the sexting territory with him to protect myself, but also it s so fun.
4
SPEAKER_00
No one has ever made me feel as sexy as he does.
4
SPEAKER_00
Any advice, welcome.
4
SPEAKER_00
And also I would just love to hear about your general sexting thoughts, experiences.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh man.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s choosing the moment over the reality.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like, you know,
4
SPEAKER_00
This is a pattern of addiction, right?
4
SPEAKER_00
Not that I m not calling this person an addict, but this is what happens where it s like, oh my gosh, but this is so fun.
4
SPEAKER_00
I love this so much.
4
SPEAKER_00
I ve never felt so good.
4
SPEAKER_00
I ve never... So I m picking this even though, yes, what comes with it is a sense of like, but I don t actually have anything real here, which hurts.
4
SPEAKER_00
So this is hard to say.
4
SPEAKER_00
I think it s a band-aid and I think you have to stop.
4
SPEAKER_01
with this person.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay, so I had a sexting event.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God.
4
SPEAKER_01
I think I may have told you about this.
4
SPEAKER_01
It was this guy that like I met at a coffee shop and we had this like five-hour conversation.
4
SPEAKER_01
It was great.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then he was like, let s go get dinner.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then called me that morning was like, by the way, I m engaged.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God.
4
SPEAKER_01
But it was like, we re breaking up and like we re already living separately, but I want to let you know that like I m still kind of like undoing this thing.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I was like so bummed, but then I was like, okay, I guess let s still get dinner.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then it just devolved into like us being in touch, but it taking like way longer.
4
SPEAKER_01
I thought, okay, this will be a few weeks or something.
4
SPEAKER_01
But yeah, I took a few months and then it was Christmas and then I was home and he was home and then we were texting and then it just turned into sexting.
4
SPEAKER_01
And it was like so fun because we ve talked about this, like Christmas crutches.
4
SPEAKER_01
But in this case, it was like Christmas sex day.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like I was like having fun.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
Hot.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
But then I would immediately feel kind of—not immediately feel bad, but I eventually felt, yeah, like, oh, I feel like— Yeah, I know.
5
SPEAKER_00
You know what you mean?
5
SPEAKER_00
Used, but used isn t the right word.
5
SPEAKER_00
No, you re consenting.
5
SPEAKER_00
You re consenting and you re engaging and you enjoy it, but it s just like, oh, that wasn t real intimacy.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s like what ends up happening, I think.
5
SPEAKER_00
And if you re in a certain mindset or is a certain person, that can just be totally fun, right?
5
SPEAKER_00
And like totally fine.
5
SPEAKER_00
But I think often if you wish there was something more.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yes, exactly.
5
SPEAKER_00
And then it s just the reality that like, oh, this, it can t be.
5
SPEAKER_01
That s the difference.
5
SPEAKER_01
It can be so fun.
5
SPEAKER_01
I ve done it in relationships.
5
SPEAKER_01
And like, you don t get sad.
5
SPEAKER_00
But you also probably don t get the same high.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s all part and parcel.
5
SPEAKER_00
The reason it feels so good is you re getting a hit of something you can t really have, but you feel like you have it in the moment, which is why then it s like a 10.
5
SPEAKER_00
And then you re like, oh, yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
And then you re at 02.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it s great if you don t want more, but maybe with this friend, there s a part of you that does.
5
SPEAKER_01
But then I also want to say, who can—like, sometimes it s hard, especially as a woman living in a patriarchal society of like, what is true and what have I like kind of internalized?
5
SPEAKER_01
Sometimes I don t even want more with a guy, for example, but just because he doesn t, I ll feel— Oh.
5
SPEAKER_01
Right?
5
SPEAKER_01
And I m like, wait, I don t even.
5
SPEAKER_01
Like, but you can go immediately to shame or rejection or feeling like there s something embarrassing or lesser because you re engaging sexually when, like, there s nothing wrong with that.
5
SPEAKER_01
And that s totally normal and beautiful.
5
SPEAKER_01
So sometimes I think there s some patriarchal programming in there, too.
5
SPEAKER_01
Again, I don t know this person and their situation, but there might be also part of you that, like, feels this is kind of self-imposed shame as opposed to from the actual act.
5
SPEAKER_01
how you re interpreting it as opposed to how it s landing.
5
SPEAKER_01
But I think sexing is great if you do it on signal.
5
SPEAKER_01
I worry about sending things when people do that.
5
SPEAKER_01
I think it s very brave because people are nuts out there.
5
SPEAKER_01
But I think it s really positive if you feel good.
5
SPEAKER_00
There s nothing wrong with anything unless you re feeling pain from it and it sounds like you are.
5
SPEAKER_00
I think it s understanding the reason it feels so good is part of this.
5
SPEAKER_00
And it might be worth taking a step back and seeing how you feel.
5
SPEAKER_01
Or afterwards, like, you could do your own self-care.
5
SPEAKER_01
Instead of cuddling with someone, like, you could, like, I think Sex with Emily in her book, she talks about every morning she ll, like, masturbate, meditate.
5
SPEAKER_01
manifest that it s like a part of a self-care thing where she kind of uses the post, I guess, masturbation glow.
5
SPEAKER_01
So you could put on some really nice music.
5
SPEAKER_01
You could take a warm bath.
5
SPEAKER_01
You could use your neck tech, shiatsu massager.
5
SPEAKER_01
There s things that you could do for yourself afterwards to, like, take care of yourself.
5
SPEAKER_01
I don t know if it replaces the sad, but you don t need someone else to do those things necessarily.
5
SPEAKER_00
For sure.
5
SPEAKER_00
But everyone is so different because I had a one night stand with this person and he was super hot and I was excited and it was like fun enough.
5
SPEAKER_00
It was fun.
5
SPEAKER_00
But that s why it was only fun enough for me because then he leaves and then I m just like, all right, here I am.
5
SPEAKER_00
That does not feel good to me.
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I did talk to my therapist about it, of course, and she was like, yeah, that s so normal for so many people.
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Like that you personally, Monica, don t get anything from that.
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Right.
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And a lot of people do, which is amazing.
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Great.
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I wish, but I don t.
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And so you have to know you.
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Right.
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Anyway.
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Okay.
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Oh, my gosh.
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Okay.
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Oh, wow.
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This is amazing.
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Oh, I love this.
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Engagement ring question update.
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from Elizabeth.
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Hi, Monica and Liz.
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First of all, I want to say that y all answering my question about how I hated my engagement ring was one of the highlights of my 2023.
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I was on the stair climber at the gym when I heard and had to contain myself.
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But on a real note, you two made me feel so validated and brave enough to say something.
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Here s the update.
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After five years together, I ended the relationship in December.
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I had been lying to myself and the people who care about me for over a year, lying in bed awake at night, not able to sleep.
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We were not the great couple that I was projecting out into the world.
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I won t go into it, but he didn t consider me.
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And when I saw that silver heart ring, I knew in the depths of my soul that this wasn t meant to be.
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So I ended my life as I knew it.
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I have since turned 30, moved to a new city and into my very first apartment by myself.
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It s hard to put into words what this experience has been like.
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On one hand, it s been devastating.
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On another hand, I m finally learning what it means to respect myself and have self-worth.
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So, this message goes out to all of the women out there who know in their guts that it isn t meant to be.
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It won t get better.
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You re not asking for too much, and you deserve to feel considered, loved, and be seen.
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I m still very much in the thick of starting my whole life over, but I can finally sleep again, which gives me hope that it truly was for the best and that good things are coming.
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If you have any advice for starting your whole life over at 30, I m all ears.
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But either way, I hope that my story gives those women in unhappy relationships courage.
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We don t have to settle.
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Oh my God.
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I am like crying.
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I know.
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Oh my God.
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That s the most amazing thing I ve ever heard.
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That s incredible.
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Elizabeth, congrats to you for taking your life into your hands.
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Wow.
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Oh my God.
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Wow.
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You are such a badass.
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Yeah.
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Good for you.
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That s such a common thing.
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I have a friend who s been in a relationship for like a really long time.
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Very, very close couple.
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They ve lived together.
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And then a couple weeks ago, she was like, for five years, I haven t been able to sleep.
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I m not in love with him.
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And I ve been like, you have never told me.
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It s very similar where you just kind of feel like it s your fault.
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Yes.
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You re lying to yourself as much as you re lying to everyone else.
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Yes, and you internalize what s not working in the relationship as if you can fix it and it s up to you and you just have to settle or accept things that are not acceptable.
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And I think it s so brave and so cool when women do it and talk about it.
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Cheryl Stray does Dear Sugar, and like I remember one of her columns someone had written in and said, you know, I don t know if I should end this relationship.
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And Cheryl Stray was just like, do the thing that you already know is true.
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When someone does come with that question of should I be staying, there s no shoulds, you know?
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Yes, exactly.
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And if you think that you should, that s already an indicator that you re imposing other people s… Ideas of what life should look like.
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Exactly.
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Or how you should feel.
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There s no way you should feel.
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There s just a way that you do feel.
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Right, exactly.
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Oh my God.
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Wow.
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This is incredible.
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And also, I will say, you re 30.
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30 s so young.
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And dodged a bullet.
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Yeah.
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Your life is starting regardless of this person.
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30 is when life starts.
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It s true.
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It was perfect timing, I think, to start again.
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And I m so excited for you.
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You are
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incredible.
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I hope you feel it and know it.
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How wonderful.
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I have chills.
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And to your point, I think like in your 30s is when you really know yourself and get comfortable with yourself and advocate for yourself.
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And I think it s the perfect time to choose where you want to live, choose who you want to be with.
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And now, you know, you re starting this new chapter with so much more information, so much more knowledge about what you are willing to accept.
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It s going to inform whatever happens next.
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You re empowered in a new way.
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So cool.
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Who would have thunk it?
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I m going to be happy all week just thinking about her.
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Well, I think we ll end on that high.
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Wow.
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Incredible.
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Thank you guys so much for continuing to write in.
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We love your questions.
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Please, please, please keep submitting.
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We have a lot of great ones.
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We re so lucky.
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And enjoy our products.
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Go out, purchase these products if you want.
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Get these products.
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Let us know how it lands.
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Yeah.
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And we ll see you next week.
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Bye.
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Bye.