0
SPEAKER_01
Hello there.
0
SPEAKER_01
Hi.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay, you ve been traveling.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s true.
0
SPEAKER_01
Not as exciting as India, but I went to Seattle for 24 hours.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
0
SPEAKER_01
I had a plane event.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh my god.
0
SPEAKER_01
A romantic plane event.
0
SPEAKER_01
Well, actually it was perfect because, okay, so it was very like romantic comedy moment.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_01
So I m at the gate and I see this guy and like we both kind of double take, but then I go back to sit at my seat and I m with my cameraman, Dean, who s like my age and like
0
SPEAKER_01
And I m like, oh, this guy s gonna think this guy s my boyfriend or my husband, and so this isn t gonna happen.
0
SPEAKER_01
Not that like, you know, I thought he was gonna come up to me, but I was like, okay, well now it s certainly not.
0
SPEAKER_01
So do you make kind of gross faces at Dean?
0
SPEAKER_01
Yes, I will.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like you re so annoyed.
0
SPEAKER_01
That s funny.
0
SPEAKER_01
I did like kind of stand and like I was on my phone a lot.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like, we re work friends.
0
SPEAKER_01
We re not together.
0
SPEAKER_01
We re not together.
0
SPEAKER_01
And then I fly a lot, so I get upgraded to Comfort Plus, and Dean didn t.
0
SPEAKER_01
And of course, we joke about it all the time.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m like, bye, when I get called and he has to stay behind.
0
SPEAKER_01
And so then I was like, oh, this guy now probably knows.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like, we re not— I mean, maybe—
0
SPEAKER_01
Would you?
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay, wait.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh.
0
SPEAKER_01
If you re in a relationship and your partner gets upgraded, do you take the upgrade or do you stay behind?
0
SPEAKER_01
If I get upgraded?
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, if you get upgraded but your partner doesn t.
0
SPEAKER_01
What s the joke?
0
SPEAKER_00
Fuck.
0
SPEAKER_01
I would stay behind.
0
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
Even if it s... Well, is it a trip to India?
0
SPEAKER_00
Then no.
0
SPEAKER_00
Sorry.
0
SPEAKER_01
Every man for himself.
0
SPEAKER_01
Right.
0
SPEAKER_01
And if you re mad at the person, it s inappropriate.
0
SPEAKER_01
You should want them to sleep instead of being stuck in economy.
0
SPEAKER_01
But yeah, it s a tough—it s interesting.
0
SPEAKER_01
Or I think probably the chivalrous thing to do if you re the guy is to give the upgrade.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like, if your boyfriend takes the upgrade but you re left behind.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, that s rough.
0
SPEAKER_00
I think everyone has to stay behind.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, okay.
0
SPEAKER_00
All the time.
0
SPEAKER_00
I think so.
0
SPEAKER_00
I mean, even if I m traveling with a friend and we re booked together and then if one person got an upgrade, I would—
0
SPEAKER_01
No, you have to take it.
0
SPEAKER_00
I guess it depends on the circumstance.
0
SPEAKER_01
I mean, you have to be like, oh, like your attitude is more important than like if you re you act like, oh, God, this sucks.
0
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I don t really know what I m saying, because I definitely like when I fly with friends, often I fly in first class.
0
SPEAKER_00
Separate.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
I guess I just imagine like we both have the same tickets.
0
SPEAKER_00
We re next to each other.
0
SPEAKER_00
That s okay.
0
SPEAKER_00
If you re next to each other and then you get an upgrade and you re planning on hanging out the whole flight, it s kind of a bummer to ditch.
0
SPEAKER_01
It depends on where you re going, how long the flight is.
0
SPEAKER_01
That s right.
0
SPEAKER_01
If the upgrade to first class is a smaller flight, it s like, okay, let s just, you know.
0
SPEAKER_01
But then I think you can also share in the benefits of business class by bringing them snacks and bringing them drinks.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m sure you re not allowed, but hoard a lot of the stuff and then share so that there s class solidarity.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay, so now we re saying if me and you are ever traveling and this happens,
0
SPEAKER_00
We re allowed to take the upgrade.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yes, and by were, you, you re definitely, but yes, I would be upset if you didn t.
0
SPEAKER_01
That would be my position.
0
SPEAKER_01
I don t need to hang out with people on flights.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I m the same.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m watching my movies.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m reading my books.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like, I mean, we re not like 11, you know, like we can hang out when we get off the flight.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s true.
0
SPEAKER_01
Flying sucks.
0
SPEAKER_01
If you have the ability to have a better experience, do it.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay, so.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay, so I m glad we sorted that out.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay, so then I go to my seat and then I m looking for a plug for my phone because it s out of power and I can t find, there s only like a plug in the middle seat, not under my seat.
0
SPEAKER_01
And so I m kind of like rustling around and then who do I see sit right in the aisle?
0
SPEAKER_01
My boyfriend.
0
SPEAKER_01
What s he look like?
0
SPEAKER_01
My gay boyfriend.
0
SPEAKER_01
He s gay?
0
SPEAKER_01
No, gay.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh, wow.
0
SPEAKER_00
I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
0
SPEAKER_01
This changes a lot.
0
SPEAKER_01
A gay husband would be kind of great.
0
SPEAKER_01
I have one.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s true.
0
SPEAKER_01
We speak from experience.
0
SPEAKER_01
He s like a good-looking, our age man.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like he s probably like 40, but like very spry and like athletic and like hot.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like very, very, but also like seems like a good person.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like, not like a hot, like, you re an asshole.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like, hot, like, you would stay back with me.
0
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_01
You got a lot from that.
0
SPEAKER_01
But also, I was kind of right.
0
SPEAKER_01
Everything I kind of assumed about him—well, not everything.
0
SPEAKER_01
Anyway, he sits down.
0
SPEAKER_01
Then I m like, wow, how funny.
0
SPEAKER_01
But then I m like, oh, but there s going to be a person between us.
0
SPEAKER_01
So there goes my chance.
0
SPEAKER_01
But then I am truly struggling with this plug situation.
0
SPEAKER_01
And so I look up to him and I m like, am I nuts?
0
SPEAKER_01
Like, is there no plug?
0
SPEAKER_01
Is there one under you?
0
SPEAKER_01
Like, is it just not under my seat?
0
SPEAKER_01
And then he was like, you re not crazy.
0
SPEAKER_01
which I love that he validated.
0
SPEAKER_00
That was his opening line.
0
SPEAKER_01
That was his opening line.
0
SPEAKER_00
You love that.
0
SPEAKER_01
We love when men tell us we re not crazy.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s huge.
0
SPEAKER_01
And then, even better, he was like, if the thing doesn t work or someone comes and sits down, like, I always travel with a battery pack and you can use it.
0
SPEAKER_01
So he s prepared.
0
SPEAKER_01
But could be controlling.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh, interesting.
0
SPEAKER_00
Why?
0
SPEAKER_00
Because he wants his phone to be charged?
0
SPEAKER_00
He s just like, has a lot of his ducks in him.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, in a good, look, so far so good, but it could mean, I m just saying.
0
SPEAKER_00
I wonder if he s a Virgo.
0
SPEAKER_00
Did you get his birthday?
0
SPEAKER_00
I did.
0
SPEAKER_01
He is a Pisces, which was shocking to me because men who are Pisces, we as a society know what that can lead to.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m a female Pisces, like we re not, but a guy, it s kind of known.
0
SPEAKER_01
Really?
0
SPEAKER_01
That men who are Pisces can be, if they haven t gone to therapy, they can use their emotions for- Dangerous.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yes, dangerous.
0
SPEAKER_01
I mean, obviously generalizing, but I do have PTSD.
0
SPEAKER_00
But do Pisces tend to get along with other Pisces?
0
SPEAKER_01
Are they compatible?
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
My mom s a Pisces.
0
SPEAKER_01
I do have like a lot— I do know a lot of Pisces.
0
SPEAKER_01
I think we re compatible.
0
SPEAKER_01
I have never found that romantically it s a good match because I need someone who s not emotional.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, exactly.
0
SPEAKER_01
As we ve talked about.
0
SPEAKER_01
So then I m sitting there and then we re both like on our phones like we re— But I m like, this guy wants to talk to me.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like, I know.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like, I just could tell.
0
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
0
SPEAKER_01
And then no one sits in the middle seat.
0
SPEAKER_01
That s meant to be.
0
SPEAKER_00
This is a meet-cute.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh my god.
0
SPEAKER_01
I love meet-cutes.
0
SPEAKER_01
And then it got even more me cutie where they come around with the snacks and in Comfort Plus, they kind of have a tray now of snacks so you can like pick one out with your own hands instead of them like handing it to you like you re in a daycare.
0
SPEAKER_01
And so the flight attendant approaches us with the snacks.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m barely touching the package of pistachios and the entire snack tray falls to the ground.
0
SPEAKER_01
And then there s snacks
0
SPEAKER_01
Like 30 to 40 to 50 packages of like, just from everything from pistachios to chips to chocolate bars.
0
SPEAKER_01
And then we re picking them up.
0
SPEAKER_01
Our hands touch.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God.
0
SPEAKER_01
Did you do it on purpose?
0
SPEAKER_01
No.
0
SPEAKER_01
Tell us the truth.
0
SPEAKER_01
Look, I kind of knew that maybe our hands were going to touch.
0
SPEAKER_01
I didn t, you know, I didn t shy away.
0
SPEAKER_01
And then we re laughing and I m like, oh my God, I m such a ditz.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh God, Liz.
0
SPEAKER_01
Did you use that word?
0
SPEAKER_01
I didn t say that.
0
SPEAKER_01
No, it just was very romantic.
0
SPEAKER_01
Connie was like, oh my God, this thing happened.
0
SPEAKER_01
And then he s like, oh, it could have happened to anybody.
0
SPEAKER_01
And like, we ll probably find some snacks under our seats mid-flight.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like, it ll be great.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like, and then we just start talking and we talked for the entire flight.
0
SPEAKER_00
Really?
0
SPEAKER_00
Non-stop.
0
SPEAKER_01
Two and a half hours.
0
SPEAKER_01
Wait, this was going or coming back home?
0
SPEAKER_01
Coming back.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
So he lives here?
0
SPEAKER_01
So, there s a moment where we re talking and I m like, I see a photo of a child on his screensaver.
0
SPEAKER_01
Could be a nephew or a niece.
0
SPEAKER_01
The screensaver tells you more about a man than if he has a ring on his finger, honestly.
0
SPEAKER_01
If it s a dog, you re good.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like, he s definitely not married.
0
SPEAKER_01
What s on your phone screen?
0
SPEAKER_00
What is it, boys?
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh, it is.
0
SPEAKER_00
Kids, right?
0
SPEAKER_01
Or their wife or partner.
0
SPEAKER_00
I feel like it s a little weird if you have just a picture of your wife, unless it s the two of you together.
0
SPEAKER_00
If it s just plain your wife, I find that weird.
0
SPEAKER_00
I kind of agree.
0
SPEAKER_00
I don t think I ve ever had a photo.
0
SPEAKER_00
Just Natalie as your screen?
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, really?
0
SPEAKER_01
I love it.
0
SPEAKER_01
What?
0
SPEAKER_01
That s so sweet.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh, you think that that is like overcompensating or something?
0
SPEAKER_01
I think that s way too much.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s like weirdly attached.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
Wait, what do you mean?
0
SPEAKER_00
That feels odd.
0
SPEAKER_00
That feels so odd to me.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh, it s true that if I did it with my boyfriend, I d be weird.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, if the background of your phone was just a picture of your boyfriend.
0
SPEAKER_00
Unless it s like a goofy, my gay boyfriend.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it can be your gay boyfriend, but it can t be your gate boyfriend.
0
SPEAKER_01
That s the rule.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay, got it.
0
SPEAKER_01
Phone backgrounds, I think if it s your significant other, if they re doing like a stupid face or like it s a silly photo, I think it works.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh, even then?
0
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
0
SPEAKER_00
But the both of you is.
0
SPEAKER_00
Both of you make sense to me.
0
SPEAKER_00
That s like a picture.
0
SPEAKER_01
But then you re on your own screen.
0
SPEAKER_00
But it s like a picture of your relationship.
0
SPEAKER_00
I would have a picture of like, I mean, I don t because I have, what s it called?
0
SPEAKER_00
Pantone.
0
SPEAKER_00
Thank you.
0
SPEAKER_00
I have Pantone.
1
SPEAKER_01
color of the year, but I would have a picture of like me and my like pod girlfriends together, like as just like a happy memory picture, but I wouldn t have a picture of just them.
1
SPEAKER_00
Interesting.
1
SPEAKER_00
I ve only had a photo of another person.
1
SPEAKER_00
Who?
1
SPEAKER_00
My dad on my knees.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay, that makes sense though.
1
SPEAKER_01
Family to me is so different.
1
SPEAKER_01
Those are critical people.
1
SPEAKER_01
I don t know why.
1
SPEAKER_01
Maybe I m crazy.
1
SPEAKER_01
I don t think so.
1
SPEAKER_00
I see your point.
1
SPEAKER_01
If I had like a picture of my friend on my phone and then he saw it, he d be like, wow.
1
SPEAKER_01
Why am I in your background?
1
SPEAKER_01
That s crazy.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Solo.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
I could see like Dax and Aaron having that as his background.
1
SPEAKER_01
I could see him having a picture of just Aaron.
1
SPEAKER_00
But that s like his own funny, I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_00
God, okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
What if your partner has a photo of you and then you have a photo of like someone else?
1
SPEAKER_00
Does that create conflict?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, that s weird.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it s weird.
1
SPEAKER_00
So you have to be on the same page, maybe.
1
SPEAKER_01
I think just have pictures of your kids or Pantone.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
These are the options.
1
SPEAKER_00
Wait, what s on your phone?
1
SPEAKER_00
I have a funny picture, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I usually do.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, I had RBG before, you know, things got complicated with my relationship with her post-death.
1
SPEAKER_00
But no, I like funny things.
1
SPEAKER_00
I ve seen some people put a photo of themselves when they were little.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, that s fun.
1
SPEAKER_00
I ve seen that as like a remember your inner child thing.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay, so the gate boyfriend had some kids on him.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, one of the first things he talks about, I m like, are you traveling for work?
1
SPEAKER_00
He s like, I work in Seattle for a company that creates, like, devices so that we can help people who need heart surgery.
1
SPEAKER_00
And my mom— Oh my god!
1
SPEAKER_00
Like two days before went into that surgery and he creates a device which would have avoided her surgery.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s like a CT scan that allows doctors to be able to not have to put their patients and do a catheter and everything.
1
SPEAKER_00
And he was super passionate about it.
1
SPEAKER_00
This is a meet cue.
1
SPEAKER_00
This is so Sim.
1
SPEAKER_00
It was very, very Sim.
1
SPEAKER_00
But then I, yeah, you know, I see the kid, he s being also like, he s not being super forward and like— But he had just met you like 15 minutes ago.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s true.
1
SPEAKER_00
And we re on an airplane, which I ve heard men now, because I asked Dean afterwards, he was like, I would never talk to a woman on an airplane.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, I just assume that women don t want to be talked to on airplanes.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think that s a safe assumption.
1
SPEAKER_00
So anyway, talking about this thing and I m like, oh my God, my mom had it and he was like super interested and giving me advice for my mom.
1
SPEAKER_00
But then yeah, I see the kid and so at some point he says, I lived in Indiana and I m like, why did you live in Indiana?
1
SPEAKER_00
He s like, well, my ex-wife.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so that s a positive.
1
SPEAKER_00
That is a positive.
1
SPEAKER_00
Because maybe he has a new one, but chances are there s no new one.
1
SPEAKER_00
When men mention their exes, it usually means that they re not in a relationship.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think like as a rule.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s a good way to like tell if someone is available or like single.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s interesting.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so then he s divorced, has two kids.
1
SPEAKER_00
We re going into it, his astrology, what s it like being a dad.
1
SPEAKER_00
But as the flight is progressing, we are both realizing this is a logistical impossibility.
1
SPEAKER_00
Why?
1
SPEAKER_00
First of all, he was like, how often do you come and travel to Seattle?
1
SPEAKER_00
I was like,
1
SPEAKER_00
This is my first and last.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s close though.
1
SPEAKER_00
I know, but he has two kids.
1
SPEAKER_00
He has joint custody.
1
SPEAKER_00
When he has his kids on the weekends, he s spending time with them.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then he travels for work, saving people s hearts.
1
SPEAKER_00
It was so interesting because I could just tell there was definitely energy between us.
1
SPEAKER_00
But at the very end, I could just tell that we both were like, so great meeting you.
1
SPEAKER_00
And we didn t exchange phone numbers.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s sort of a beautiful, like, capsule moment.
1
SPEAKER_00
It was.
1
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
1
SPEAKER_00
I kind of am happy with the way that it happened.
1
SPEAKER_01
But you might—okay, it s just the beginning.
1
SPEAKER_01
Because that s how meet-cutes work.
1
SPEAKER_01
Like, it s too boring of a story if that just was, like, the end and you guys are together now.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
So there s going to be multiple parts.
1
SPEAKER_01
He s probably going to Austin.
1
SPEAKER_00
There s so many hearts in Austin that need saving.
1
SPEAKER_00
I do know the hotel he s staying at in Beverly Hills, so I won t do that.
1
SPEAKER_00
I won t do that.
1
SPEAKER_00
I won t go around Beverly Hills.
1
SPEAKER_00
And also, again, it had me thinking, because this is happening more and more, I m noticing it a little bit as a little trend for my life.
1
SPEAKER_00
If we re dating people who are our age or like slightly older, chances are they have been in a long-term relationship or they were married.
1
SPEAKER_00
But if there s kids, it does ground someone in a city and it really limits— It s non-negotiable.
1
SPEAKER_01
Except— Okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
Let me just paint a picture.
1
SPEAKER_01
Paint a picture.
1
SPEAKER_01
I don t want to wish any ill on the wife.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay?
1
SPEAKER_01
Because she s probably great.
1
SPEAKER_01
But let s say, okay, I know, this is good for everyone.
1
SPEAKER_01
The wife gets a job in Los Angeles, and it s a really important job, huge for her career.
1
SPEAKER_01
Big step up.
1
SPEAKER_01
She has a new podcast.
1
SPEAKER_01
She can t say no, and your gate boyfriend is really nice and wants the best for her.
1
SPEAKER_01
So he says, we re all moving to Los Angeles.
1
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
1
SPEAKER_01
And he also moves, and then where are you gonna meet?
1
SPEAKER_01
Delta Lounge.
1
SPEAKER_01
No, I know you want that so bad.
1
SPEAKER_00
I do.
1
SPEAKER_01
I really do.
1
SPEAKER_01
I feel like that s where it s gonna happen.
1
SPEAKER_01
No, it s not at the Delta Lounge, because you re gonna run into him here, and it ll be like, wait, aren t you in Seattle?
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then he s like, no, actually, I moved.
1
SPEAKER_01
I just moved.
1
SPEAKER_01
What part of the city do you live in?
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, I live right down the street.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God, I live in that building.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay, tiny problem.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, you don t like that.
1
SPEAKER_00
No, I love this story for us.
1
SPEAKER_00
The only issue is that his ex-wife does not work.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yet.
1
SPEAKER_01
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Do you want to hear a everything everywhere all at once?
1
SPEAKER_01
Rip in the time-space continuum happened while we were in India.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh.
1
SPEAKER_01
Dax, me, and one of the members from Gates Ventures were at lunch.
1
SPEAKER_01
And this couple comes in, this Indian couple comes in with this little girl.
1
SPEAKER_01
She was probably like three or four-ish.
1
SPEAKER_01
She was so cute.
1
SPEAKER_01
She had these huge eyes.
1
SPEAKER_01
And she, like, walks in, like, really confident.
1
SPEAKER_01
She sits in her chair.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s, like, this tall, big, grown-up chair, and she s just, like, sitting in it with her parents, eating food.
1
SPEAKER_01
And her back was to us.
1
SPEAKER_01
We were staring at her, because she was so cute.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then she turned to look at us, and she was like, hi, Dax.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then turned back around.
1
SPEAKER_01
What?
1
SPEAKER_01
She didn t speak English.
1
SPEAKER_01
What?
1
SPEAKER_01
It sounded like we all separately were like, did she just say hi, Dax?
2
SPEAKER_01
And then I realized it was me in another realm, in another life.
2
SPEAKER_01
Me, and I knew Dax.
2
SPEAKER_01
Whoa.
2
SPEAKER_00
What was she wearing?
2
SPEAKER_00
Prada pants?
2
SPEAKER_00
Tiny little Prada pants.
2
SPEAKER_00
She had a little microphone with her.
2
SPEAKER_00
It was a rip.
2
SPEAKER_00
Did she have short legs?
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, she was like three or four.
2
SPEAKER_01
So she did.
2
SPEAKER_01
She would have loved if she had short legs, if she was me.
2
SPEAKER_00
Right.
2
SPEAKER_00
I wanted short legs.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s right.
2
SPEAKER_00
So that wasn t everything.
2
SPEAKER_00
We were all at once.
2
SPEAKER_00
Was that the first time that you saw yourself in someone or something?
2
SPEAKER_00
I think so.
2
SPEAKER_00
Have you?
2
SPEAKER_00
I ve only seen other people in other people.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_00
You know, like my task rabbit was my grandfather.
2
SPEAKER_01
Wait.
2
SPEAKER_01
I want to make fun of you, but I also, Kristen s dog, Barb, who like really creeped me out, I did think part of my grandpa was in her, and he was still alive at the time, but still, something weird happened where some of him was in her.
2
SPEAKER_01
She would just like come up and stare at me, but she only had one eye.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I ve seen photos of Barb.
2
SPEAKER_01
I hated it, but I had a weird vibe that my grandpa was in there.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay, so your task rabbit was your grandpa?
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, yes.
2
SPEAKER_01
Did it look like your grandpa?
2
SPEAKER_00
Not at all.
2
SPEAKER_00
He came over, he didn t speak English, so we was using this app to speak.
2
SPEAKER_00
What was his ethnicity?
2
SPEAKER_00
Ukrainian.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_00
So my grandparents are Hungarian, like it s not the same.
2
SPEAKER_00
Right.
2
SPEAKER_00
He was so gentle and so kind.
2
SPEAKER_00
Me and my roommate, the amount of things that we ve brought him in to do and he goes, these are not the screws.
2
SPEAKER_00
He ll like go out to Home Depot and buy what we need and then come back.
2
SPEAKER_00
He is so
2
SPEAKER_00
sweet.
2
SPEAKER_00
And the first time I met him, in the first five minutes, I didn t think anything of him.
2
SPEAKER_00
But there was this moment where we were like sort of looking each other s eyes and using the app to speak.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I started like tearing up.
2
SPEAKER_00
My grandfather did do construction, like, you know, when he moved to Montreal.
2
SPEAKER_00
He obviously wasn t a task rabbit, but I feel like he would have been in this era.
2
SPEAKER_00
And he would have used an app to communicate in Hungarian.
2
SPEAKER_00
Anyway, so I feel very emotionally connected to him.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like every time he comes out, I ll give him gifts.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like weird chocolate, like for Valentine s Day, I gave him like, and I was like, is this?
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh no.
2
SPEAKER_01
Does he think you are in love with him?
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t think so.
2
SPEAKER_01
Chocolates on Valentine s Day is pretty romantic.
2
SPEAKER_00
But he came around that time and he went and got a screw for me.
2
SPEAKER_00
Thank you for my screw.
2
SPEAKER_00
Thank you for my screw.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, there is some definitely, some sexual undertones.
2
SPEAKER_00
But you know, that s it, I think.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t think I ve ever seen anyone in an animal.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s kind of cool, though.
2
SPEAKER_01
I think it s nice to believe that about the Task Rabbit.
2
SPEAKER_00
What do you think that is, though?
2
SPEAKER_01
That little girl in India, like, what do you think that... I think she said something in Hindi.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like, I mean, if I m being realistic and practical about it, yeah, she just said a word or some syllables of words that sounded exactly like and just happened to be like such a crazy coincidence.
2
SPEAKER_01
But it s fun to believe that she s me in another life and that your grandpa is in your task and found you.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like there s something beautiful about people finding each other again.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s nice.
2
SPEAKER_00
I know.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s so special.
2
SPEAKER_00
Do you like have an inkling of you in a past life or like there s a version of you that s another race, another gender?
2
SPEAKER_00
Not really.
2
SPEAKER_01
I ve never felt connected.
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, there s definitely, there s jobs and things that I feel I would ve been good at.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like, there are routes in life I could ve taken that I didn t take, but I don t feel like there s another world that I m doing that, necessarily.
2
SPEAKER_01
What were the jobs?
2
SPEAKER_01
What would you do?
2
SPEAKER_01
I feel like I could be a psychologist.
2
SPEAKER_01
You could.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like, I enjoy that.
2
SPEAKER_01
So, that would be a job that I would ve enjoyed doing.
2
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
2
SPEAKER_01
An orna.
2
SPEAKER_01
I would love to be an orna.
2
SPEAKER_01
You kind of are.
2
SPEAKER_01
We ve talked about this.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s why, like, dating us is, you know.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s hard because we re just like, you ll end up sharing a lot more than you probably want to share.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, you get people to share stuff that s like maybe they didn t want.
2
SPEAKER_00
It happened with my gay boyfriend, obviously.
2
SPEAKER_00
What did he tell you?
2
SPEAKER_00
He was like, again, like, oh, I m a Pisces.
2
SPEAKER_00
Sorry to bring it back to him.
2
SPEAKER_00
You know, it s just a big part of my life right now.
2
SPEAKER_00
But yeah, he s like, I m a Pisces.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, oh, are you like a prototypical Pisces?
2
SPEAKER_00
And he s like, yeah, it s like water.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m really calm.
2
SPEAKER_00
I was like, that s not fucking Pisces, man.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, Pisces are not calm.
2
SPEAKER_00
Rough waters.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_00
Water signs in general do not equate being even keel.
2
SPEAKER_00
And so I was like, actually, Pisces are typically more emotional.
2
SPEAKER_00
And he was like, oh, I m definitely not that.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, oh, like how come, you know, and then he goes into like his father s Japanese, very reserved.
2
SPEAKER_00
And so he never talked about his feelings and he had a female twin sister.
2
SPEAKER_00
But she also never shared, like even though she was a girl, they just grew up in a household where everyone was kind of keeping things under wraps.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then I, you know, I was like, so your rising sign is who you appear and your sign sign is who you actually are.
2
SPEAKER_00
So maybe actually you are very emotional.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s just that s not how you present.
2
SPEAKER_00
And he was like, oh.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then he started crying?
2
SPEAKER_00
He didn t cry, but he was like, I m going to be thinking about that for a really long time.
2
SPEAKER_00
He was like, that s actually like really true.
2
SPEAKER_00
What s his rising?
2
SPEAKER_00
He would never know.
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, he was the least Pisces man I ve ever met.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like, he was very matter-of-fact.
2
SPEAKER_00
He didn t come off as a Pisces.
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, he s born on February 29th.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God, Leapling?
2
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
2
SPEAKER_00
So limited edition.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s so limited.
2
SPEAKER_01
He s like 10 or 11.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God, I love that.
2
SPEAKER_00
I know, it would have been, you know.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s not over yet.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s not over.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t think it s over yet.
2
SPEAKER_00
Wait, do you have something with someone that you think it s not over yet?
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, that s a good question.
2
SPEAKER_01
There is one person.
2
SPEAKER_01
No, there s two people on Earth.
2
SPEAKER_01
One is such a stretch.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like, there was never a relationship with this person.
2
SPEAKER_01
I just liked this person a lot.
2
SPEAKER_01
They were in a relationship.
2
SPEAKER_01
This was many, many years ago.
2
SPEAKER_01
I think about him enough in life that I wonder if that will ever come back around.
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, it s probably married.
2
SPEAKER_01
Half of them don t work out.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I don t follow him on Instagram, so I don t know what s going on.
2
SPEAKER_00
How do you have the willpower to think about someone and then know that you have access to like a channel that is a portal into a lot of their lives and not go for it?
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t, I like keeping him.
2
SPEAKER_01
Mysterious.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t need to know too much about him.
2
SPEAKER_01
I think that might ruin it.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like I like the place he holds.
2
SPEAKER_01
There s one other person who I had more of an actual connection to who I sometimes wonder.
2
SPEAKER_01
But also, when I really think about him, I don t.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s like a fantasy more than like an actual... It s more like, oh, fuck, like, should I have tried harder?
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, I hate that.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
But then, no.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like, when I really sit with him, it s like, well, no.
2
SPEAKER_00
He wasn t the person for me, but he... Why do we do that?
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, it s hard when people are good.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like, it really is.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s hard when people are nice and good and seemingly like a great partner.
2
SPEAKER_01
Then...
2
SPEAKER_01
you second guess when you re out of that relationship because you re like, well, what the fuck am I hoping for?
2
SPEAKER_01
But you re hoping for a special chemistry.
2
SPEAKER_00
And just because people are great doesn t mean you have that.
2
SPEAKER_00
I am so guilty of that.
2
SPEAKER_00
I want to know more about why we do that.
2
SPEAKER_00
I guess it s like, okay, you re telling yourself a story.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s giving you an illusion of control probably to be like, well, if I d done this differently, then this would be—and it s like, no.
2
SPEAKER_00
But my mind will go to that a lot.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I m like, can I break that pathway and just think about something else?
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay, if there was a device— Maybe your gay boyfriend will invent it.
2
SPEAKER_00
I always hear gay now.
2
SPEAKER_01
Maybe your gay boyfriend or my gay boyfriend will invent it.
2
SPEAKER_01
Jess.
2
SPEAKER_00
He s not so much an inventor, but that s okay.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay, what if you had a device, because this happened on Love is Blind, like they gave each other bracelets where when they thought about the other person, it would buzz.
2
SPEAKER_00
If you had a device that allowed you to know whenever someone is thinking about you, would you want it?
2
SPEAKER_00
No.
2
SPEAKER_00
No?
2
SPEAKER_00
Absolutely not.
2
SPEAKER_00
You would?
2
SPEAKER_00
Am I crazy?
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, not- Okay, look, I would get annoyed, but for a day, I would love it.
2
SPEAKER_00
No, I wouldn t get annoyed.
2
SPEAKER_01
I would get paranoid if it wasn t going off.
2
SPEAKER_01
It would have such an impact on my self-esteem if it wasn t happening.
2
SPEAKER_00
It would have a hold on you.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I couldn t do that.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh yeah, if you go a day and you re like, no one thought about me all day.
2
SPEAKER_00
But that s impossible.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s the thing.
2
SPEAKER_00
We don t know.
2
SPEAKER_00
I think about you every day.
2
SPEAKER_00
At least.
2
SPEAKER_00
Again, we think about a lot of things.
2
SPEAKER_00
We don t realize how many thoughts are going through our mind.
2
SPEAKER_00
Honestly, we d be buzzing all the time.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s like likes.
2
SPEAKER_01
It would become a whole thing where you re like, five buzzes today and then the next day, oh my gosh, only two buzzes.
2
SPEAKER_01
Those other people decided to stop.
2
SPEAKER_01
It would become, I think it would become bad psychologically.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like a black mirror.
2
SPEAKER_00
Wow, we shouldn t be talking about this because someone
2
SPEAKER_00
Wait, do they make it on Love is Blind?
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, it s not reading your mind.
2
SPEAKER_00
He will like touch it and then it buzzes her.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then what s weird is that they got engaged to other people or like she did and they re still wearing it.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I m like, what?
2
SPEAKER_00
Love is Blind is nuts.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s a wild ride.
2
SPEAKER_00
But I mean, it s a cute gift.
2
SPEAKER_00
Not to someone who s engaged to someone else, but if you re in a long-distance thing or you re on a reality show where you can t see each other.
2
SPEAKER_00
But don t you also think, let s say you have that with your gay boyfriend, okay?
2
SPEAKER_01
And you guys are actually together.
3
SPEAKER_00
This is once everyone moved to Los Angeles.
3
SPEAKER_00
Then he goes on a trip for his hearts.
3
SPEAKER_00
And you ve been together like a year and a half now.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s not new.
3
SPEAKER_00
Are you going to be like, oh, fuck, I have to set an alarm reminder to send it to him because he s going to be upset if I don t send it.
3
SPEAKER_00
And now it s an obligation that I always have to send the little ding.
3
SPEAKER_00
I think this is too complex.
3
SPEAKER_01
It can get dicey, but then if you re in a fight and then you get a little buzz and you think, well, can t you just send a text?
3
SPEAKER_01
I guess you can, but the little buzz is cuter.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s a way to break that.
3
SPEAKER_01
I love ways to break fights that are funny.
3
SPEAKER_01
What s your best way?
3
SPEAKER_01
Farting?
3
SPEAKER_01
If you can time that out where that happens, God, that s so great.
3
SPEAKER_01
Farts can make everything better.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, they bring a levity.
3
SPEAKER_00
Or, though, it can be aggressive.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, oh my God, we re in the middle of something so serious and you ve decided to fart right now?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I could see getting pissed about that.
3
SPEAKER_01
I wonder if any divorces have, like, hinged on a fart.
3
SPEAKER_01
I think so.
3
SPEAKER_01
There s no way it hasn t.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m not saying it s happened a lot, but it has happened.
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, I know, like, okay, I know a couple and one of the members farts a lot.
3
SPEAKER_00
Mainly at night.
3
SPEAKER_00
And the other member is like, stop.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s like disrespectful because the other person just doesn t give a fuck and it like smells and is annoying and loud and this person has to just sit in this other person s stink and it can feel disrespectful or like just not conscientious.
3
SPEAKER_00
Just go into the other room.
3
SPEAKER_00
You don t even care that I have to sit in your stink.
3
SPEAKER_00
But it s happening while he s sleeping?
3
SPEAKER_01
No, I think they re awake.
3
SPEAKER_01
So he s doing it, like, right— Yeah, he just, like, doesn t care.
3
SPEAKER_01
In the covers, it s, like, staying there.
3
SPEAKER_01
I think a lot of people do that.
3
SPEAKER_01
Really?
3
SPEAKER_01
We ve talked about this, but, like, I ve never gone to a point— Well, not never.
3
SPEAKER_01
Two out of three.
3
SPEAKER_01
One relationship where he would fart all the time and, like, it was just funny and, like— Did it smell?
3
SPEAKER_01
No, and he would go to another— He wouldn t do it in my face.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, he would— He would be, like, kind about it.
3
SPEAKER_01
You re right.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s a respect thing.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, there s respect involved.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
OK, I feel like we should get into some questions, but I did want to bring up one thing just because it s on my mind because I read it this morning.
3
SPEAKER_00
So David Ferrier, he has a newsletter like you do.
3
SPEAKER_00
And did you read his web worm today?
3
SPEAKER_00
He like wrote this story of his friend from a long time ago, his friend in New Zealand, or someone he worked with roommate killed their neighbor.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh.
3
SPEAKER_00
And he tells sort of this vague recollection of what happened.
3
SPEAKER_00
And David knew?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
I guess his friend was at their apartment.
3
SPEAKER_00
Multiple people lived there and one of them came in at like midnight, shaved his beard and then washed, like did laundry.
3
SPEAKER_00
But if you don t know, you know, it s like, it could be anything.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then like some sirens came and for a week, no one knew anything, but they were, yeah, the neighbor was murdered and somebody else was stabbed.
3
SPEAKER_00
And the roommate, they re watching TV together for this week.
3
SPEAKER_00
Isn t this horrifying?
3
SPEAKER_00
And then he got arrested.
3
SPEAKER_00
I won t spoil, but people should read this.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s really, I don t know how I could like,
3
SPEAKER_00
go on trusting anyone ever again.
3
SPEAKER_00
Was this roommate a weird guy or like?
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I think he was like nice enough.
3
SPEAKER_00
But in the web worm, he talks a little bit about some of his idiosyncrasies, and it is a little.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s only in retrospect though, like everyone has little weirdo things.
3
SPEAKER_01
And why did he kill the neighbor?
3
SPEAKER_01
We don t know.
3
SPEAKER_00
They just got into an argument?
3
SPEAKER_00
No, I think the neighbor often had like parties and he hated the noise.
3
SPEAKER_01
The guy who killed him?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God.
3
SPEAKER_01
I know.
3
SPEAKER_01
I mean, sometimes I get really annoyed at noise and I feel like I want to kill someone, but I don t.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, well don t do it.
3
SPEAKER_01
Isn t that scary?
3
SPEAKER_01
It s very scary.
3
SPEAKER_01
Do you ever think... Okay, so we ve talked about this.
3
SPEAKER_01
About killing?
3
SPEAKER_01
No!
3
SPEAKER_00
I will be honest.
3
SPEAKER_00
I ve never in my life had the inclination to kill.
3
SPEAKER_01
I ve never plotted a murder or thought about it as a solution to any of my problems.
3
SPEAKER_01
But so many people get murdered that I think murderers don t think that they re going to be murderers.
3
SPEAKER_01
Don t you think?
3
SPEAKER_01
Don t you think they re just like us?
3
SPEAKER_00
No.
3
SPEAKER_00
It depends, I guess, on the type of crime or the situation or what happens, but often, no.
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean, often people are like...
3
SPEAKER_00
psychopaths or sociopaths.
3
SPEAKER_00
And they might not know that they re gonna murder, but they re not like us.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then some people may find themselves in a situation, they might be more like us where they do it, but that maybe feels more like self-defense or something.
3
SPEAKER_00
Right, right.
3
SPEAKER_00
Or like protecting a kid or something like that.
3
SPEAKER_00
But no, I don t think people who murder out of anger
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t know actually.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay, and if I came to you and I was like, I accidentally killed this guy and like... Would you turn you in?
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, how would you react?
3
SPEAKER_01
Would you just be like, you re fine?
3
SPEAKER_01
Because I feel like that s what I would do.
3
SPEAKER_01
I would be that, like, idiot.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, he, you know— He deserved that.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, it s not your fault.
3
SPEAKER_01
I would just try and help my friend if my friend is you.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, I know you re not a sociopath.
3
SPEAKER_01
I know you re not a bad person.
3
SPEAKER_01
And genuinely, like, you re going— Like, you murdered someone.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, that s tough.
3
SPEAKER_01
Being murdered is hard, but also murdering is not a great place to be.
3
SPEAKER_00
I think I would say, okay, tell me what happened.
3
SPEAKER_00
Tell me everything that happened.
3
SPEAKER_00
Then I guess we d come up with some sort of a game plan.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay, here s the truth.
3
SPEAKER_00
If I thought you had gone crazy or like something was going on mentally with you, where you were at this point like a threat to others.
3
SPEAKER_00
I would turn you in.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Which probably doesn t feel good to hear.
3
SPEAKER_00
But if you re a threat to others, I have to.
3
SPEAKER_00
If you just killed your gay boyfriend in the heat of the moment because it was too passionate, or if he was trying to hurt you or something, it s not fine, but let s figure this out.
3
SPEAKER_00
Although, I don t know, what would we do if you killed someone?
3
SPEAKER_00
Would we just try to keep it quiet, or would we go to the police and say, hey, I was attacked?
3
SPEAKER_00
I almost think it s better to say, I was attacked, and in self-defense, I did, like, is it, or is that naive?
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, data shows that, like, women who are incarcerated, I think it s literally for murder, like 90% of them were in self-defense.
3
SPEAKER_01
So that s where I m also like, that s not safe.
3
SPEAKER_01
You know, if she s not white, if she s like, you know, it s just like there s so many vulnerabilities.
3
SPEAKER_01
But that s a good question.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like everything I would do, like even your David story, like of like shaving your beard and doing the laundry.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like I feel like I just know that from movies.
3
SPEAKER_01
I would just do what they do in movies.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t know what you re supposed to do.
3
SPEAKER_01
Hide the evidence?
3
SPEAKER_01
Clean the blood?
3
SPEAKER_00
you re gonna get caught, so that s why I wonder if going at it head on is better, because then you seem, you definitely seem super guilty if you get caught.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
If you say like, I was being attacked, this happened.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, how can you hide murder?
3
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
3
SPEAKER_01
Did you ever watch Search Party?
3
SPEAKER_01
It s like all about that.
3
SPEAKER_01
No, I didn t.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s just, there s so many of all the crimes.
3
SPEAKER_01
Too many things.
3
SPEAKER_01
And just mess-wise.
3
SPEAKER_01
Try not to.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Try not to murder.
3
SPEAKER_00
If you can avoid it.
3
SPEAKER_00
Ugh.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay, well on that note, let s do a couple questions.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I d prefer if you didn t because that will put us in a sticky situation.
3
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I would, when I watch Succession and like, there s a, not to like, whatever, people haven t watched it, it s too, you know.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it s your problem.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s your problem, but you feel for Kendall that he killed a guy.
3
SPEAKER_00
But do you think that s the same?
3
SPEAKER_00
He was culpable, but it was an accident.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s true.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay, so if you came to me and you were like, oh my God, that story, like I was drunk and I drove somebody and we drowned the car and they re dead.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s so hard.
3
SPEAKER_00
I feel like we should have a moment of gratitude of the fact that like we both haven t murdered anybody Actually for real because yeah, I m sure by the way, there s listeners who have accidentally Been in a situation where someone I mean, I know people who had car accidents and it was technically their fault car accidents are accidents, but people have died and that like
3
SPEAKER_00
I have so much sympathy and empathy, and that is, for the grace of God, go I. Like, that could be any of us at any time.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, I m really scared of it.
3
SPEAKER_00
I was thinking about it the other day, because I was driving, and this unhoused person was just crossing all the time.
3
SPEAKER_00
They re obviously not well, and so they re not paying attention to any of the rules.
3
SPEAKER_00
And you re just driving, and all of a sudden, they re in the front of your car.
3
SPEAKER_00
It wouldn t be that hard to accidentally kill someone.
3
SPEAKER_01
The same thing happened to Mateen on Sunset, like a busy street.
3
SPEAKER_01
This guy just walked in.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s tough.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s scary.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s sad.
3
SPEAKER_01
Stay safe out there, guys.
3
SPEAKER_00
Stay safe.
3
SPEAKER_00
And also, life is brutal, and things do happen.
3
SPEAKER_00
Right.
3
SPEAKER_00
I feel anxious talking about this, like something bad s gonna happen.
3
SPEAKER_00
I know.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m gonna knock wood, too.
3
SPEAKER_01
Is that real wood?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, this is wood.
3
SPEAKER_01
It counts.
3
SPEAKER_01
Great.
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SPEAKER_00
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Every time I have a girls weekend or any kind, or even when I go to people s houses now, I ll just bring them Element, like if we re going to do sauna, we re going to do anything.
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Oh, oh my God.
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Okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
This is a great question already.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
Ready?
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Coworker stinks.
4
SPEAKER_00
I need help telling him nicely so I can talk to him about work without being overwhelmed by the smell.
4
SPEAKER_00
Madison.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh.
4
SPEAKER_00
Hi, Monica and Liz.
4
SPEAKER_00
Questions on Stinked is the highlight of my week, so I had to see if you have good advice for this awkward issue I m having at work.
4
SPEAKER_00
My coworker has a smell.
4
SPEAKER_00
For the past two weeks, every time he comes to my office to ask me a question or work on something together, there s a strong scent coming from him.
4
SPEAKER_00
It is
4
SPEAKER_00
very overwhelmingly unpleasant and I don t know how to politely let him know he needs to do some laundry or clean his sweaty shoes.
4
SPEAKER_00
This co-worker is somewhat of a superior to me, but he isn t at the top.
4
SPEAKER_00
Though he is the same age as me, so we tend to talk about more than just work together.
4
SPEAKER_00
I would consider us more than co-workers.
4
SPEAKER_00
He s very friendly and I would hate to make him feel bad, but the smell is too much.
4
SPEAKER_00
I thought it was an absence of deodorant for a while or an accidental fart.
4
SPEAKER_00
heart here and there, but I notice the smell every day.
4
SPEAKER_00
I believe it s a smelly shoe or dirty laundry scent, but I don t know how to let him know that I can t handle the smell.
4
SPEAKER_00
Do I just put up with it and get distracted from work due to the smell or kindly let him know without outright telling him he needs to be more clean?
4
SPEAKER_00
I also considered wearing a stronger perfume to mask the smell, but that would give me a headache.
4
SPEAKER_00
He shares a smaller office with someone else and I can t figure out how she can put up with the smell.
4
SPEAKER_00
It wasn t this bad before, but lately it s all I can think about when he s around.
4
SPEAKER_00
Am I being rude or is this a valid concern?
4
SPEAKER_00
Help me. 
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay, I have friends who were in this position and we discussed it a lot.
4
SPEAKER_00
What do they do about this?
4
SPEAKER_00
And was it a friend that you also knew?
4
SPEAKER_00
I didn t know the person that the smell was coming from.
4
SPEAKER_00
I didn t meet that person.
4
SPEAKER_00
And yes, there was a strong smell.
4
SPEAKER_00
It wasn t easier, but it was BO.
4
SPEAKER_00
Deodorant would have fixed it.
4
SPEAKER_00
So then we had talks like, do we get her like a gift basket for her birthday that has just a bunch of deodorants in it and sprays?
4
SPEAKER_00
I think, ultimately, they didn t do anything.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like, it s such a hard thing to do.
4
SPEAKER_01
Especially since it s a superior... I think that s a real tricky... You don t want to jeopardize that.
4
SPEAKER_01
There is a power dynamic there.
4
SPEAKER_01
I also would want a second opinion because we ve talked about the smell.
4
SPEAKER_01
Again, I m not gaslighting you.
4
SPEAKER_01
I believe you that there s a smell, but maybe you do want to talk to the woman who shares an office with him just to corroborate the information before.
4
SPEAKER_01
Because then it could be just like a pheromonal thing you re wondering.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
But that s gossipy about a superior smell and that is opening up a door that I don t know if is smart.
4
SPEAKER_01
kind way, I think, again, there s a risk to everything.
4
SPEAKER_01
Obviously, the easiest thing to do would be to hold your breath when you re around him and not do anything so that you re not jeopardizing the relationship or your job.
4
SPEAKER_01
But I would perhaps approach the woman and do it with the best intentions as you have laid out in this letter.
4
SPEAKER_01
I feel like someone needs to tell him, but do you smell it too?
4
SPEAKER_01
And I would say it not, ew, like, this is gross, but be like, if I had a smell like that, I would want someone to tell me.
4
SPEAKER_01
Am I imagine— I don t know.
4
SPEAKER_01
Is that too much?
4
SPEAKER_01
You think that s like— that s worse?
4
SPEAKER_00
Well, what if she s like, I don t smell anything?
4
SPEAKER_01
Then you have your answer.
4
SPEAKER_01
But then you re in hot water.
4
SPEAKER_01
You invent something.
4
SPEAKER_01
You re like, I have a weird— I got a nasal spray situation.
4
SPEAKER_01
I must be— Thanks for telling me.
4
SPEAKER_01
That s crazy.
4
SPEAKER_01
I must have something going on with my nose.
4
SPEAKER_01
You make it about you.
4
SPEAKER_00
Unless that person who shares the office is close to you, it s tricky.
4
SPEAKER_00
I think you can only talk about it with someone who is very, very trusted to get a second opinion.
4
SPEAKER_00
Or you could, okay, me and you almost tested this once.
4
SPEAKER_00
You could go out for like work drinks and then invite some of your other friends or something.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then see if they smell the smell.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
We tried to do that once.
4
SPEAKER_00
We tried to.
4
SPEAKER_00
It didn t work out.
4
SPEAKER_01
There were other reasons.
4
SPEAKER_00
I can t believe we actually... Well, because we were trying to decipher, is it actually a smell or is it the smell, our own smell issue?
4
SPEAKER_00
Here s the other thing.
4
SPEAKER_00
If it s not a deodorant thing, she thinks it might be a stinky shoe.
4
SPEAKER_00
A stinky shoe is that smelly?
4
SPEAKER_00
Is it like moldy?
4
SPEAKER_00
Because you know how some people, they don t dry the clothes all the way and the laundry, and then there is like a moldy smell, and that is awful.
4
SPEAKER_01
Disgusting.
4
SPEAKER_01
If it s shoes, it s actually kind of good.
4
SPEAKER_01
Easy.
4
SPEAKER_01
Literally, when he comes into your office or whatever, you go, like, oh, what s that smell?
4
SPEAKER_01
Do you smell that?
4
SPEAKER_01
And then, like, start smelling and getting closer to his shoes.
4
SPEAKER_01
Say, I think it s coming from down— No.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then say, like, I think it s your shoes.
4
SPEAKER_01
Do you smell it?
4
SPEAKER_00
Make it— Oh, my God, Liz.
4
SPEAKER_00
In practicality, would you ever feel comfortable honestly being like, oh, my gosh, I think it s your shoes, like, to their face?
4
SPEAKER_01
to their shoe.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, you get down on your like, so that you re almost like being naive and being like, that s weird, as opposed to having like an agenda.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then maybe it ll, they ll smell their own shoes and be like, Oh my God, you re right.
4
SPEAKER_01
Obviously, they don t smell it if they re walking around like that.
4
SPEAKER_01
This is terrifying because I m like, what if this was me?
4
SPEAKER_01
This is a good example.
4
SPEAKER_01
It was my sister, so I feel like she can do it, but I was at work and my sister was coming into town in New York and she came up to my desk and then she like hugged me and then she like pointed to her mouth and she was like, I think you should have gum.
4
SPEAKER_01
And, like, that was it.
4
SPEAKER_01
My sister is, like, the nicest fucking person.
4
SPEAKER_01
She said it in a really kind, like, almost like, just like, oh, you should have, like, a gum.
4
SPEAKER_01
Not like, you have this problem, you re disgusting.
4
SPEAKER_01
Almost, like, treating it like, oh, this is not what you normally, you know.
4
SPEAKER_01
I think there s something you probably ate.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like, these are shoes you never wear because you always smell good.
4
SPEAKER_01
But, like, right now, you re like...
4
SPEAKER_00
This is like an impossible question.
4
SPEAKER_00
I think it s hard.
4
SPEAKER_00
I think what you, speaking of gum, every time you re in his presence, you should just pop a mint.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t think it s his breath, so I don t think you re offering him, but sometimes to me, if I have like an Altoid, it s so strong that it s all I can smell.
4
SPEAKER_00
So then if you just cover up your own nose,
4
SPEAKER_01
You know what they do when they go into, like, houses of, like, hoarders and, like, people s houses are a mess and maybe they haven t been taking care of themselves?
4
SPEAKER_01
They put Vicks.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh, right.
4
SPEAKER_01
That s what I m— Under their nose.
4
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
4
SPEAKER_00
Menthol.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it s like— Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
So you could do— As soon as he comes in, excuse me.
4
SPEAKER_00
Grabs the Vicks.
4
SPEAKER_00
I think, okay, I feel like try three Altoids, because that s strong, right?
4
SPEAKER_00
That s a lot.
4
SPEAKER_00
I know, you need it to be strong.
4
SPEAKER_00
I feel like even one is too much for me.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay, try enough so that it s kind of overwhelming and that s all you can smell.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then if that is impossible to keep up, and also maybe try this thing with work, drinks, to see if it s just you.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay, there s a small part of me that worries.
4
SPEAKER_00
What if it s the food he eats or something?
4
SPEAKER_00
Because then there s nothing you can do.
4
SPEAKER_00
Right.
4
SPEAKER_01
That s maybe culturally.
4
SPEAKER_01
That went through my mind.
4
SPEAKER_01
And again, I m assuming this is a white person.
4
SPEAKER_01
But yes, if it s anything that could be different.
4
SPEAKER_01
Smells are subjective.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_00
I wish we had a better answer.
4
SPEAKER_00
I hate to say it.
4
SPEAKER_00
I think it s like you kind of have to suffer through it.
4
SPEAKER_00
And try the Altoids.
4
SPEAKER_00
Try to like just keep some physical distance if you can.
4
SPEAKER_00
And hope somebody else closer to him says something.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s somebody else s job.
4
SPEAKER_00
There you go.
4
SPEAKER_00
Sucks because you re the one suffering.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s hard.
4
SPEAKER_01
There should be a word, you know, we use.
4
SPEAKER_01
Or like maybe there should be a bracelet.
4
SPEAKER_01
Someone like when you smell.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then you don t know who told you, but you know that you re smelly right now.
4
SPEAKER_01
Are you paranoid about your smells?
4
SPEAKER_01
So paranoid.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
I am too.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m not saying everyone should be that way, but having a certain level of like checking yourself.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m extra.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m so anxious about how I smell.
4
SPEAKER_00
I think also from childhood, like being so worried that there was going to be a smell that was going to like,
4
SPEAKER_00
Be repellent.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t think that s great either but You could give him some cologne for Christmas, but if it s like moldy, that s not gonna help It s got to be somebody else who tells him though.
4
SPEAKER_01
It can t be what if you write a note like an anonymous?
4
SPEAKER_01
No, no, cuz it might
5
SPEAKER_00
this like crazy investigation and then he might go around to everyone and be like, who wrote this?
5
SPEAKER_00
Like we don t know what things will lead to.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like the murders.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like you don t know what this one act could lead to.
5
SPEAKER_00
But also not acting could also lead to many acts.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like maybe this guy s single and he s not, you know, he s showing up to dates with the smell and he doesn t know.
5
SPEAKER_00
And he s like, why aren t things working out?
5
SPEAKER_00
Again, I would want to know.
5
SPEAKER_00
Okay, meaning halfway for you, I think you could say, huh,
5
SPEAKER_00
What s that smell?
5
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
5
SPEAKER_00
Let it go, though.
5
SPEAKER_00
Don t try to figure it out in the moment.
5
SPEAKER_00
Bring up the smell, but then let it go so that maybe he s like, oh, is there one?
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh, that s smart.
5
SPEAKER_00
And then if somebody else later says something similar, then he might put pieces together.
5
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like, I wouldn t figure it out for him or tell him about the shoes, but I think it s okay to be like, hmm.
5
SPEAKER_00
What s that smell?
5
SPEAKER_00
Do you smell that?
5
SPEAKER_00
Huh.
5
SPEAKER_00
And then just let it go.
5
SPEAKER_00
Let it go.
5
SPEAKER_00
And then do your outwards.
5
SPEAKER_00
And leave them out.
5
SPEAKER_00
Leave little bits of evidence.
5
SPEAKER_00
Mixed vapor rub.
5
SPEAKER_00
There s something, too, about the shoes being so gross that they re smelly.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s rough.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s so intense.
5
SPEAKER_00
That means it s waterlogged.
5
SPEAKER_00
With mold.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I kind of know what that smell is.
5
SPEAKER_00
There s someone I know who had that smell in high school.
5
SPEAKER_00
And it was really sad.
5
SPEAKER_00
It was so overwhelming.
5
SPEAKER_00
It was so bad.
5
SPEAKER_00
People talked about it.
5
SPEAKER_00
I think someone who was higher up in charge in a way, I ll say, like a teacher sort of, said something.
5
SPEAKER_00
I don t know how they did it.
5
SPEAKER_00
That happened to me too in high school, to a boy.
5
SPEAKER_00
But there was a racial component.
5
SPEAKER_00
I felt that it was very awful what happened to him.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I heard that a teacher had talked to the parents.
5
SPEAKER_00
The whole thing was one of the worst instances of bullying that I, you know, witnessed.
5
SPEAKER_00
It was just like, it s awful.
5
SPEAKER_00
This is different.
5
SPEAKER_00
I don t, now I m like, just don t sit.
5
SPEAKER_00
Maybe don t, yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
Fix vapor rub.
5
SPEAKER_00
Altoids and Vicks.
5
SPEAKER_00
You ll be fine.
5
SPEAKER_00
I think so.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
It could be very sad.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s true.
5
SPEAKER_00
We didn t consider that.
5
SPEAKER_00
And now I m only considering it based on this high school experience and now remembering the details of that person s life.
5
SPEAKER_00
And as a kid, you re not thinking much of it, but as an adult, like, it s really sad.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s true.
5
SPEAKER_00
So, I think you just have to suck it up, literally.
5
SPEAKER_00
Get them new shoes, last thing.
5
SPEAKER_00
For Christmas?
5
SPEAKER_00
That could be a fun gift again.
5
SPEAKER_00
If you re close enough.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s like hard with a co-worker.
5
SPEAKER_00
Well, you could be like, I got this free gift card from Nike.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God, you always are.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s always great advice.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like, I got this free thing, do you want it?
5
SPEAKER_00
Is it?
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it was your advice for a skincare thing too.
5
SPEAKER_00
I got this for free, do you want it?
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
Because then it s not like, I went out and I bought this for you.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s like, oh cool.
5
SPEAKER_00
I actually think of this more.
5
SPEAKER_00
It just happened to, I m not going to use it.
5
SPEAKER_00
Do you want it?
5
SPEAKER_00
If it is a financial thing, then they can buy new shoes.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if we did anything.
5
SPEAKER_00
Can I put on the record, though, if I smell, no matter where it s coming from, I would really want you to tell me.
5
SPEAKER_00
How do you want me to tell you if that happens?
5
SPEAKER_00
I think you go, Liz, if it s a B.O.
5
SPEAKER_00
thing, I think you should take a shower.
5
SPEAKER_00
Being direct with me, it s coming from you.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s not coming from a random stranger that s just like,
5
SPEAKER_00
being mean to me, like, I would appreciate it.
5
SPEAKER_00
I want the same.
5
SPEAKER_00
You have no smell.
5
SPEAKER_00
I ve never smelled anything on you, ever.
5
SPEAKER_00
Just like I don t want you to murder, I also try not to smell because I don t want to be in the position to tell you.
5
SPEAKER_00
Okay, so I will use that as a motivation.
5
SPEAKER_00
Or we could come up with a word.
5
SPEAKER_00
We could come up with a safe word.
5
SPEAKER_00
But then it s the same thing.
5
SPEAKER_00
Might as well just say like,
5
SPEAKER_00
I feel like there s a little smell.
5
SPEAKER_00
And then we know what that means.
5
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_00
My best friend, when we were growing up, she would take off her, like, shoes and it was like we were inside a cheese.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I would physically go like, whoa!
5
SPEAKER_00
And again, she knew it.
5
SPEAKER_00
And when the person knows it, it s fine.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like, she ll be like, oh my God, sorry, my feet.
5
SPEAKER_00
And then it s fine.
5
SPEAKER_00
That could have been like a puberty thing, because that s kind of common.
5
SPEAKER_00
No, she still has it.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh!
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s like, I would be so stressed.
5
SPEAKER_00
Not really.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like, she just knows.
5
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
5
SPEAKER_00
Cool.
5
SPEAKER_00
I mean, it is much better, you re right, because then they can just be like, oh, I know.
5
SPEAKER_00
And that s great.
5
SPEAKER_00
When the person acknowledges, it s so nice.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
It happens.
5
Oh, my God.
5
SPEAKER_00
This was stressful.
5
SPEAKER_00
And some people love the bad smell.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like, even someone s stinky smell will be someone s lovely.
5
SPEAKER_00
To an extent.
5
SPEAKER_00
I think moldy is probably no one s cup of tea.
5
SPEAKER_00
Although, I can t speak for everyone.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s true.
5
SPEAKER_00
Okay, we spent a long time on this, which we needed to.
5
SPEAKER_00
We needed to.
5
SPEAKER_00
So, we ve run out of time, unfortunately.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh, there s some really good ones.
5
SPEAKER_00
My husband baby talks and I really don t like it.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
5
SPEAKER_00
25 year old female hasn t orgasmed yet.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh, I love that.
5
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_00
So we re going to do those next week.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s a little cliffhanger for you.
5
SPEAKER_00
There s also many more.
5
SPEAKER_00
These are so good.
5
SPEAKER_00
Please keep writing in.
5
SPEAKER_00
Thank you so much for writing in.
5
SPEAKER_00
These questions are amazing.
5
SPEAKER_00
So fun.
5
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_00
And then I m going to see you in Austin.
5
SPEAKER_00
In Texas, baby.
5
SPEAKER_00
We re going to have a breakfast.
5
SPEAKER_00
We need to pick a place.
5
SPEAKER_00
Rob, where should we eat breakfast?
5
SPEAKER_00
I ll come back to you.
5
SPEAKER_00
Okay, you ll come back to us.
5
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_00
Maybe we ll take some pictures or something there.
5
SPEAKER_00
Maybe we ll do a TikTok.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God.
5
SPEAKER_00
Who knows?
5
SPEAKER_00
Maybe.
5
SPEAKER_00
Maybe there s an Austin.
5
SPEAKER_00
When in Texas.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, exactly.
5
SPEAKER_00
All right.
5
SPEAKER_00
Love you.
5
SPEAKER_00
Love you too.