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Is it true there s a bowl of Vicodins in the weight room by the door?
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No.
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There used to be.
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There is at my house.
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They cracked down on that.
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Oh, that s a good... I might have to come over.
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We have them here in a little bowl.
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We can t get them to you.
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Okay guys, we re already laughing.
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It s Spade and Carvey and we re starting Superfly.
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Yeah, we re always in a good mood on Superfly.
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Always chuckling away.
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Look at me, I got a green background.
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My hair is really like...
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It s like a helmet.
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Well, it actually looks kind of movie star ready, I would say.
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You know, you could play kind of a badass with that hair, like, you know, with a gun and stuff.
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Oh, actually, I m working on a new impression.
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I m going to do it for you at the end.
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Okay.
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Hmm.
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So what, now usually we haven t seen each other in a few days.
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So what s been going on with you?
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What s your, you always have some weird thing happened.
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I m still doing my tour.
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So I was in Spokane this weekend.
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Beautiful crowd.
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I stayed at the hotel right next to it.
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And so every single person in that hotel was at the show.
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I m walking around, oh my God, your show is unbelievable.
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Blah, blah, blah, blah, genius, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
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Everyone else is horrible, blah, blah.
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So whatever, I don t even remember.
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But I remember that part.
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So anyway,
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Someone goes years from Spokane, big star, Sydney Sweeney.
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I go, oh yeah, she is a big star.
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Oh, she s from here.
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She isn t really shocking.
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Everyone s from somewhere.
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And you know that girl, she s in euphoria.
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Okay.
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She s a big deal.
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She s in.
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Yeah.
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in two movies out right now.
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So I said, oh great.
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And then Bobby s downstairs with some guys and they re like- Your opener.
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Yeah, my opener, Bobby Mimota.
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And they said, oh, we love soccer.
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You talk about it in your act.
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By the way, his sister s a big star here.
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And he goes, oh, and then he kept saying it.
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So he finally goes, who, Sidney Sweeney?
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How do you like them apples?
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And he s like, she is a big star.
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So I go to the airport and I go to the driver.
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I really said, how do you like them apples?
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Yeah, that s a good way to, you know, let him know like I wasn t bullshitting.
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OK.
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And I say to the driver, I heard his bullshit about Sidney Sweeney is, oh, yeah, I did a play with her.
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I m like.
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By the way, I m sure that the play business is big up in Spokane, Washington, outskirts.
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Yeah.
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So I said, oh, great.
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So I get on my flight and the and the lady from United.
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It s like, you know, blah, blah, I heard the show is great, blah, blah, whatever.
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And then she goes, oh, you know, is on your flight, Sydney, sweetie.
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I go, I can t hear more about this girl.
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So I get on.
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And lo and behold, how about them apples?
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She s sitting right behind me.
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Wait a minute, Sydney, Sweeney is in Spokane after all this and she s sitting behind you?
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Yeah, there she is.
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See that?
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Gorgeous.
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So she s sitting behind me with like her boyfriend or something.
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And actually she was in coach, but her boobs were in first.
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Anyway.
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Can you say that canceled?
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I mean, I mean, I have to throw in one boob joke.
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She s very lovely.
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I mean, she s displaying them.
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If we don t notice them, that would be kind of odd.
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I mean, you know.
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Yeah, I think they were buried in the hoodie in this trip, but she had her hat down.
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So the stupid story is my I lose.
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I don t say anything to her.
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I don t know what to say.
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You know, what s there to say?
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Hey, are we both in showbiz?
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Big fan.
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Big fan, I could have said that.
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That s a good one.
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Everyone likes that, that s fine.
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But it was just awkward, I didn t know what to say.
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So I lose my five-hour energy, you know, one of those little things.
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And it s a big panic for me.
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So I m on the ground looking, and so I crawl around and I go, hey, you guys see five-hour energy on these parts?
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And then she s like, no.
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You re on all fours crawling down the aisle before takeoff.
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Yeah.
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No.
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During the during the flight, you re on all four.
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OK.
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Yeah.
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And everyone s like, quit looking for attention.
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And I was.
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But I was looking really for this.
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Right.
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And then she goes, no.
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And then she goes, did you just show here?
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And I go, yeah.
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And everyone s like, you re from your city, sweetie.
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And she goes, oh, I know.
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And I go, I actually met your brother, I guess, is he live here?
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And she goes, well, he s in the army.
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And I go,
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Is he not here?
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And she goes, no.
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And I m like, well, some guy that s his claim to fame is he s lying about that.
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The funniest thing to lie about.
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Does the whole plane break out into Sydney, Sweeney?
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But she s from Spokane, Washington.
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I was from Spokane, British.
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I thought we land.
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No, she s a she s a British.
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All American.
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All right.
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We land and I ve got the whole plane involved now because some lady in the back goes, found it.
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Found my fucking stupid five hour hands it down past Sydney, I get it.
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This is what s touching it.
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Everyone s touching smothered in COVID Omicron.
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And I shake and I go, it s a little light.
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I guess you took a few gulps.
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That s your reward.
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fucking crickets.
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Then what a flight.
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No one laughs.
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And then I, I, I, we re about to leave.
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And, uh, anyway, the point of this whole story, which is absolutely none is that we re both on dog shit Delta, you know, whatever, fine.
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We re on some, but the point of the story is she is hosting SNL this week.
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I didn t know that.
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And she didn t say it.
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And I have a feeling she didn t either want to brag or does not know I was on SNL, which is very likely.
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She s maybe 24.
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She s probably 24.
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We ll look it up.
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But it doesn t matter.
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And in those situations, I don t really introduce myself.
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Sometimes I say, hey, I m David.
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But when you meet other people, do you say your name?
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Dana, go.
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Uh, no, no.
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Cause I m, I m, I ve always been at the fit.
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Like if I walked around dresses, Garth, I get a lot more attention.
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I can change my, like, well, look at my face right now.
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And then, and then soon I have sunglasses on like, who s this.
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Right.
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You can t tell.
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I can hide myself in plain sight, but I ll get people sometimes on a flight.
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They ll be, are you a.
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Are you who I think you are?
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Are you that guy?
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I go, what, Jesus?
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They go, no.
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Are you the main guy, Jesus?
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But I don t judge.
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If they take me and it s like, hey, it s a seven hour flight, elbow to elbow.
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Hey, how do you guys come up with those?
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sketches you do on that Saturday Night Live there show.
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So I give into it.
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We have drinks, we talk, and we go over the history of SNL.
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And then I said, I left 49 years ago.
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They ask if you re still on.
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The guy says, well, that s not so fun.
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The funniest one I had was first class on Virgin America years ago, big club seats, giant seats.
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But Paul Bunyan sat next to me.
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I m not saying anybody fat.
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I m saying a triple sized man with shorts calves this big.
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He took the whole thing.
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They came around for ordering.
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And he said, oh, well, I wanted each.
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So he got every entree on them all.
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I ll have them all at the sandwich to the lasagna thing.
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So if you get stuck next to Paul Bunyan, just.
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Go with it, you go and he goes, you re going to eat that cookie.
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You eat that cookie.
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You don t eat my cookie.
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SPEAKER_03
Hey, sling blade, sling blade.
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Some folks go to the sling blade.
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How much you want for them?
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I was I ll take the Gators.
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I ll always do Billy Bob Thornton if I m asked.
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I was pushing you to do sling.
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But by the way, Dana, talk about tough guy.
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I know I m not that tough.
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And on TV, I come off like a hard ass tough guy athlete.
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But in real life,
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We re not showing my sweater.
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Looks like it s from the fucking gap.
1
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But it s not the happy days called and wants their wardrobe back.
1
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That s the show from 1978.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
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So old reference lost on younger viewers.
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OK, I m driving my 95 Land Cruiser, which I don t want to say how old I am, but I bought it new.
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SPEAKER_00
I bought it new.
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SPEAKER_00
I wasn t old, but I bought it new.
1
SPEAKER_00
So 95 had his whole time.
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I m driving down the street the other night when it s starting to rain.
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It conks out of me at a light on sunset.
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Now there s two lanes.
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So I m in the left lane, which is the faster lane, you know, conks out.
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And I can t get it going.
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I m like, now it s raining.
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I get out of the car.
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I look around and I go back to my,
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crummy days and I was like a busboy and I have old cars, you know, from 16 years old, like 25.
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And I always had to push start them or jump them.
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So this would happen a lot.
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So I opened the door and I, and I, and I, and cars like skidding and now it s raining and I don t want to get hit.
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I can t leave it with the hazards.
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in the middle of the lane.
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So I start rocking it.
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I put it neutral and I start yanking.
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SPEAKER_00
You don t have power steering in this situation.
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SPEAKER_00
So I yank it.
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SPEAKER_00
It s a Land Cruiser.
1
SPEAKER_00
You re trying to push.
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SPEAKER_00
Yes.
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With my pin arms, stick legs.
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SPEAKER_00
I do have carry on wood calves.
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We know that.
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But I m pushing come from the calves.
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And I start to go.
1
SPEAKER_00
I got a green light.
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I m going to go and try to take an illegal left because it was slightly more downhill to go to the left than the right, but slightly like this barely.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I go, there s no way I can push it up, even if it s one inch.
1
SPEAKER_00
So I rock it and it moves and I start to push it like a fucking monster.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m pushing it.
1
SPEAKER_00
No one gives a fat fuck.
1
SPEAKER_00
They re all just like beeping and get out of the way.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I m like, oh, let s help.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m in grownups.
1
SPEAKER_00
Help me.
1
SPEAKER_00
No one cares.
1
SPEAKER_00
Shoot me, guy.
1
SPEAKER_00
I have to bench for.
1
SPEAKER_00
So I I get in the middle and then it turns red.
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Wrong, man.
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SPEAKER_00
Wrong.
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Go llama.
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and they don t help me.
1
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And now I m in the middle of the light and I m resting, and now no one can go.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so I hold up my hand, international sign of don t run me over, whatever.
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SPEAKER_00
I start rocking it again.
1
SPEAKER_00
I turn on my Karenwood calves, and I start to go left with no one s helping, none.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I help people.
1
SPEAKER_00
I ve actually jumped out and helped people.
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SPEAKER_00
And I start to turn, and then I get in and crank the wheel, get out again, again, everyone s like,
1
SPEAKER_00
What s going on?
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SPEAKER_00
That guy looks like he s in.
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SPEAKER_00
They go, who is that girl?
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So anyway, why are you letting even if you think I m a girl, Thomas, why are you letting a girl push it?
1
SPEAKER_00
They re like, Meg Ryan s in trouble.
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SPEAKER_00
So because I had on my head.
1
SPEAKER_00
So anyway, I finally get it over somewhere and I just get out of the fucking now they go city, sweetie s in trouble.
1
SPEAKER_00
She got a bob.
1
SPEAKER_02
Well, you know, I m glad you made it safe.
1
SPEAKER_02
I ve had, you know, we ve had a lot of rain in California and it s just a mess.
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SPEAKER_02
I mean, I m I m going out in the rain.
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SPEAKER_02
I m walking to my car and the grass is like soaked.
1
SPEAKER_02
So it s like, you know, and then I open the door.
1
SPEAKER_02
I don t know if it s the rust from the rain.
1
SPEAKER_02
You know, so I get in the seat.
1
SPEAKER_02
It s leather.
1
SPEAKER_02
So I m a safe driver, so I check the rear view mirror.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I put the windshield wipers on because it s pouring rain.
1
SPEAKER_02
You know what I mean.
1
SPEAKER_02
And then I went to a shop and they had a guy with a drill.
1
SPEAKER_02
What would he sound like?
1
SPEAKER_02
Brr-heel.
1
SPEAKER_00
Brr-heel.
1
SPEAKER_00
Tire gun?
1
SPEAKER_02
It s my tire gun.
1
SPEAKER_02
Then I went over to Vansaw.
1
SPEAKER_02
This is a character I used to do called Sound Effect-y, and sometimes it used the same effect for different things.
1
SPEAKER_02
So I d turn on the radio.
1
SPEAKER_02
You only got four.
1
SPEAKER_02
I d switch gears.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know what s a good one?
1
SPEAKER_00
It s windshield wipers when they go.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s like so loud.
1
SPEAKER_00
But when it s dry, they go.
1
SPEAKER_00
They re like, fuck dude, it s not raining.
1
SPEAKER_00
You re stressing me out.
1
SPEAKER_00
Put the seat back.
1
SPEAKER_00
When I get in my car, I have like, I have like 18 seat adjustments.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m like this.
1
SPEAKER_02
You don t have it all preset.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, boy.
1
SPEAKER_02
Well, give me in a news story and all.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
One news story to do that.
1
SPEAKER_00
Any story or one story came up is a pregnant stingray.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if we have a picture.
1
SPEAKER_00
There s a stingray.
1
SPEAKER_00
They got pregnant named Charlotte.
1
SPEAKER_00
And all North Carolina.
1
SPEAKER_00
Let me see.
1
SPEAKER_02
And they don t know how.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, it s the virgin stingray.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
OK, well, OK, here s how it solves.
1
SPEAKER_00
Now, are you going to play it or no?
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t think so.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s just a stingray that s very cute.
1
SPEAKER_00
It was in an aquarium full of sharks, so they didn t know how.
1
SPEAKER_00
There s no other stingrays in it.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s the story.
1
SPEAKER_00
So it s like a.
1
SPEAKER_00
Immaculate conception.
1
SPEAKER_01
So as a beetle would say it, well, you know, there was a little, you know, a little aqua creature, you know, that has a stinger, they call the stingrays, you know, she s a lady, but she s with sharks.
1
SPEAKER_01
And they don t ever get together.
1
SPEAKER_01
You know, the shark doesn t go, ah, would you be my girlfriend?
1
SPEAKER_01
Never happens.
1
SPEAKER_01
But all of a sudden she s preggers, going to give babies, right?
1
SPEAKER_01
And they don t know how.
1
SPEAKER_01
They may have been with a miracle.
1
SPEAKER_01
They don t know how.
1
SPEAKER_02
They don t know how the key, if anyone s listening, the key to doing a beetle accent is always sound like you re asking asking a question.
1
SPEAKER_02
Hey, hey, Paul, did you go to the store?
1
SPEAKER_01
I told you I went to the store.
1
SPEAKER_01
Did you go or not?
1
SPEAKER_01
I just told you I went to the store.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, you think you did or did it cut it out?
1
SPEAKER_00
No, I like it.
1
SPEAKER_00
And he just told you.
1
SPEAKER_00
These are three comments that I thought were funny on the story.
1
SPEAKER_00
One said.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, has anyone checked if it s one of Nick Cannon s kids?
1
SPEAKER_00
It s kind of funny, right?
1
SPEAKER_00
That s good.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
And maybe that one, maybe it it comes back as Steve Irwin or maybe he s the dad.
1
SPEAKER_00
Remember Steve Irwin?
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, my God.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yes, that s a little dark.
1
SPEAKER_02
I was on The Tonight Show with him.
1
SPEAKER_02
Great guy.
1
SPEAKER_02
Australian guy.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s always good to bring a tragedy and a joke comment.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then the last one was, oh, it s the Sturgeon Mary.
1
SPEAKER_00
Sturge and Mary, that s not bad.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, there s better.
1
SPEAKER_02
Here s my news story, and I don t know if it s true, but when Biden is given a speech and stuff, he s got his staff backstage, and sometimes President Biden will go off the teleprompter and mander about, and his staff gets very emotional about it.
1
SPEAKER_02
They re like, oh, he s off the teleprompter, he s off the teleprompter.
1
SPEAKER_02
I don t know if this is true, but one of them knew Nicolas Cage, so they bring in Nicolas Cage backstage, and he expresses how emotionally they are.
1
SPEAKER_02
He s like sort of a therapy guest.
1
SPEAKER_02
So Biden s out there, and then I, you know, the dog, and we went out in the river, and then the staff s going, no, no, and Nicolas Cage goes, all right, and he drops to his knees and goes, why, God, why?
1
SPEAKER_02
That was a long way to go.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t know where we went.
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_02
It s just something funny.
1
SPEAKER_02
If you re ever upset about anything, you get audited by the IRS.
1
SPEAKER_02
You just called Nicholas Cage.
1
SPEAKER_01
Why the mother of God?
1
SPEAKER_00
He probably says that in every movie.
1
SPEAKER_00
Let s look at this.
1
SPEAKER_00
JLo came out with something.
1
SPEAKER_00
This isn t even a big story.
1
SPEAKER_00
It just JLo came out with a something else.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
God damn.
1
SPEAKER_00
This is me.
1
SPEAKER_02
It s a it s an album and a movie.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
Right.
1
SPEAKER_00
Hybrid.
1
SPEAKER_00
uh, runs on electricity.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s a hybrid something.
1
SPEAKER_00
And it s a movie doc album.
1
SPEAKER_00
And she was in the donuts commercial.
1
SPEAKER_00
I wish I think she s in so much.
1
SPEAKER_00
She just needs to take off, like just disappear for like a whole day.
1
SPEAKER_00
If I didn t see her for a whole day, I would be like, Oh, okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
Now I miss her, but she is really in your grill and she s good.
1
SPEAKER_02
She s good.
1
SPEAKER_02
She s very good.
1
SPEAKER_02
She s gorgeous.
1
SPEAKER_02
So somebody decided to use her husband s Dunkin  Donut commercial against her in a review.
1
SPEAKER_02
It s as watery.
1
SPEAKER_02
Is that what they did?
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
Her album is as watery as the Dunkin  Donuts thing, where Matt Damon, really funny, says, how do you like them donuts?
1
SPEAKER_02
Because he said, I like them apples in Goodwill Huntington.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, I didn t get CK did a stand up bit about it.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
So so there s they re going out of their way to kick her in the balls about the donuts commercial.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, my God.
1
SPEAKER_02
It s a it s it s a mashup.
1
SPEAKER_02
They take a dig at Ben and her Jennifer by mashing the Dunkin Donuts versus the thing I like, you know, for people
2
SPEAKER_02
People not in show business, it s really hard.
2
SPEAKER_02
I mean, Jennifer Lopez is just incredibly to stay that fit, just that.
2
SPEAKER_02
And you got to be camera ready every time you leave your house.
2
SPEAKER_02
And then she does albums.
2
SPEAKER_02
She s jumping, singing.
2
SPEAKER_02
She s does movies.
2
SPEAKER_02
You know, what are you going to do?
2
SPEAKER_01
Her skin is like pretend.
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, there s no wrinkles.
2
SPEAKER_01
There s nothing.
2
SPEAKER_01
She s gorgeous.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_02
All right.
2
SPEAKER_02
Right now we have a surprise guest on Superfly.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh, Jason.
2
SPEAKER_02
Jason Kelsey.
2
SPEAKER_02
Uh-huh.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh, we re going to after Jason, we re going to go look at some fan impressions and do a little critique and give some notes and things.
2
SPEAKER_02
Oh, great.
2
SPEAKER_02
That s that s our show.
2
SPEAKER_02
Ladies and gentlemen, our next guest is our first and only guest on Superfly.
2
SPEAKER_02
Considered one of the National Football League s greatest centers of all time.
2
SPEAKER_02
Six-time first-team All-Pro, seven-time Pro Bowl, Super Bowl champion, Mr. Jason Kelce!
2
SPEAKER_00
Thanks for having me, guys.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s a hell of an intro.
2
SPEAKER_00
Are you kidding?
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_02
Comedians love athletes.
2
SPEAKER_02
We love people who are actually brave and bump into things.
2
SPEAKER_02
And we re just this is a feminine job.
2
SPEAKER_02
Let s face it.
2
SPEAKER_02
Look at our hair.
2
SPEAKER_00
I think I think all athletes wish they were performers of some kind, whether it was, you know, musical artists or comedians.
2
SPEAKER_00
And we grew up watching you guys.
2
SPEAKER_00
And, you know, I think comedians are
2
SPEAKER_00
you know, I, for me going out there and bashing my brain into somebody seems relatively, um, normal, uh, getting up on stage and talking in front of me or in front of a bunch of people and letting your soul out there as a whole nother level of, uh, of, uh, I don t know, putting yourself out there.
2
SPEAKER_02
So anyways, me.
2
SPEAKER_02
It terrifies me.
2
SPEAKER_02
Stand up.
2
SPEAKER_02
I had years of stage fright.
2
SPEAKER_02
David was a natural, just came out and blasted it.
2
SPEAKER_02
But I was I was panicked all day.
2
SPEAKER_02
I was going to ask you, like, did you ever line up against a nose tackle where you went, holy shit, this is the biggest guy I ve ever faced because they go 350.
2
SPEAKER_02
Is anyone ever more than 350 pounds trying to kill you?
2
SPEAKER_00
Sure.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
So usually there ll be listed still about 350, but I know like Vito Vea, I ve played him a bunch.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I know from talking to guys in Tampa Bay, he ll regularly be pushing 400 pounds on the scales.
2
SPEAKER_00
And yeah, there s, there s, there s games where I m giving up a hundred pounds to the guy across from me.
2
SPEAKER_02
And what s your strategy?
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, hopefully they call plays where I get to utilize my speed and agility against guys like that.
2
SPEAKER_00
But yeah, some of those guys are really good.
2
SPEAKER_00
You know, I think, um,
2
SPEAKER_00
For me, my, I guess, strength was definitely second level blocking.
2
SPEAKER_00
So blocking linebackers, safeties down the field.
2
SPEAKER_00
So, you know, Jeff Stoutland, our offensive line coach, really would try and get me up there.
2
SPEAKER_00
He knew that, you know, it was not a good proposition for a game plan to have me manned up on a 400-pound guy all game long.
2
SPEAKER_00
So he would design plays
2
SPEAKER_00
with the emphasis of trying to get me up to the second level.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I got to appreciate my coach for not putting me in too many bad situations.
2
SPEAKER_01
I ve gone on after 400 pound comedians and it s hard.
2
SPEAKER_01
I know.
2
SPEAKER_02
I mean, because then you go to the green room and go, where s my dinner?
2
SPEAKER_02
And they go, it s gone.
2
SPEAKER_02
I just want to bring this up based on what you just said, Jason.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_02
I looked at the combine because I know a brother.
2
SPEAKER_02
So I ve got three older brothers and there s a competition there.
2
SPEAKER_02
But in one key metric, which I thought was interesting, it goes to your ability on the football field, the 20 yard shuttle.
2
SPEAKER_02
You were 414.
2
SPEAKER_02
Your brother, Travis, was 4.42.
2
SPEAKER_02
So that s the ability to go five yards this way, five yards that way, which is kind of was your super talent as a, as a speed.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
You hit the nail on the head right there.
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, my brother was probably better than his time.
2
SPEAKER_00
That drill is as much about speed and agility as it is kind of your preparation for it.
2
SPEAKER_00
If you hit the steps and the turns properly, you re going to have a better time.
2
SPEAKER_00
Travis, knowing him, he just went out there and ran as fast as he could.
2
SPEAKER_00
Still a good time, but he could have been better.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m guaranteeing that.
2
SPEAKER_00
But my yeah, my that was deaf.
2
SPEAKER_00
And that s been one of the metrics to gauge, especially your centers or your more agility driven linemen that you want to have on your team.
2
SPEAKER_00
The 20 yard shuttle is a great metric to determine which guys are going to be good at that.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, I looked at a lot of that s the only metric, Dana, I would talk about at the dinner table if I was Jason.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s all I got.
2
SPEAKER_00
He s bringing up Super Bowls and all pro.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, no, it s something nice to have.
2
SPEAKER_00
At least I got one thing.
2
SPEAKER_02
And, you know, and I watched a lot of your highlights last night and you re like the wide sweep.
2
SPEAKER_02
You re out there sprinting like really fast.
2
SPEAKER_02
You got wait a minute.
2
SPEAKER_02
That guy s the center.
2
SPEAKER_02
He s like 20 yards over that way.
2
SPEAKER_02
So it s very interesting for me to figure that out.
2
SPEAKER_02
But it always seemed
2
SPEAKER_02
like a tough position, especially the pressure of hiking the ball to the punter, you know, or a field goal.
2
SPEAKER_02
I mean, and those are like 20 yards, how far?
2
SPEAKER_02
And you re just, so, I mean, you have to have nerves of steel or how do you calm yourself down at that moment?
2
SPEAKER_02
It s just reps.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I mean, like everything, the more practice you get, the nerves are always the highest whenever it s the first time you re doing something, right?
2
SPEAKER_00
Like the first NFL start, you re going to be like, man, what is this going to feel like?
2
SPEAKER_00
I ve never done this before.
2
SPEAKER_00
Your first time playing a premier player, you re like, I don t know how this is going to go.
2
SPEAKER_00
Your first time running a play that you ve never run, right?
2
SPEAKER_00
Those are kind of always where the nerves are the most heightened.
2
SPEAKER_00
So whether it s practice or game reps, the more repetitions you get, the more those nerves subside.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I mean, center is a position I think a lot of guys
2
SPEAKER_00
want to play until they have a bad snap.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like we had a buddy of mine play guard and he s like, man, center, you, you guys are double team and allow, you know, you re not manned up as much.
2
SPEAKER_00
And, uh, you know, I wish I played a little bit of that.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then he got pushed in at center.
2
SPEAKER_00
I had a couple of bad snaps.
2
SPEAKER_00
He s like, man, I never want to play center again.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like it is, you have two jobs.
2
SPEAKER_01
You, you, you like, and then you got to look up and go, Oh wait, now the guy bashes my brains.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I forgot about that.
2
SPEAKER_02
I know you have just one hand down.
2
SPEAKER_02
So everyone else is like a gorilla and you ve got one down and one s concentrated on that.
2
SPEAKER_02
And then here are the field goal for the win.
2
SPEAKER_02
And here it is.
2
SPEAKER_02
That s over his head.
2
SPEAKER_02
What a shit show.
2
SPEAKER_02
The game is over.
2
SPEAKER_02
Fucked it up.
2
SPEAKER_00
The center of universal pain.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
And it s a, it s a, it s a, the snap is like a foregone conclusion.
2
SPEAKER_00
Everybody s expectation is that the snap is going to be perfect every time.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
The reality is it s not.
2
SPEAKER_00
And the unfortunate thing is when it does happen in a crucial situation or a game on the line, I mean, it s there s no getting away from that one.
2
SPEAKER_02
Now, you re also such a you re in the chain of command like nothing happens till you do that.
2
SPEAKER_02
And the quarterback is up there a lot of times.
2
SPEAKER_02
All the teams in the NFL, it seems very sophisticated as a casual fan.
2
SPEAKER_02
And they re calling audibles.
2
SPEAKER_02
And I remember there going thinking, really?
2
SPEAKER_02
He s going to do that?
2
SPEAKER_02
Does he know what he s doing?
2
SPEAKER_02
Did you ever question in your head what the audible is?
2
SPEAKER_01
Do you have an audible woman say, I m calling an audible over your audible and I m not hiking it yet.
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, it has happened before.
2
SPEAKER_00
There s some so.
2
SPEAKER_00
There s some audibles that are more geared for the back end of the defense, for the quarterback, and there s some audibles that are more geared for the front, which is more what I m seeing.
2
SPEAKER_00
So there are, there have been times with every quarterback I ve played where I ve been like, no, no, no, this isn t the look that we want to kill this play to, or the look we want to run this run to.
2
SPEAKER_00
But in passing game, he s taking full control.
2
SPEAKER_00
And there s times where, you know, the quarterback at all times has
2
SPEAKER_00
Final say.
2
SPEAKER_00
You can t have two guys up there like, no, we should do this.
2
SPEAKER_00
No, we should do that.
2
SPEAKER_00
No, we should.
2
SPEAKER_00
So you give that to the quarterback.
2
SPEAKER_00
Everybody, if the quarterback wants to do something, that s what we re doing.
2
SPEAKER_00
And there s times where, especially in like a blitz pickup, where he ll send the protection in a specific direction.
2
SPEAKER_00
And you re like, eh, I m pretty positive it s coming from over here.
2
SPEAKER_00
And you might relay that.
2
SPEAKER_00
If he, at the end of the day though, if he wants to go over here, the most important thing is that the quarterback knows where he s hot from, where he wants to deliver the ball to.
2
SPEAKER_00
So, yeah, that does happen from time to time.
2
SPEAKER_01
Would you?
2
SPEAKER_01
OK, go ahead, David.
2
SPEAKER_01
I just want to know.
2
SPEAKER_01
We re just so excited.
2
SPEAKER_00
We re very excited.
2
SPEAKER_01
The huddles must.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s the same here.
2
SPEAKER_01
Because when I see a huddle and I could imagine being, you know, it s like 22 zipper driver.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then they just go.
2
SPEAKER_01
If I was the receiver, I m like, wait, what happened?
2
SPEAKER_01
Am I the zipper in this?
2
SPEAKER_01
Because everyone just gets it right every single time.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I think
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, they don t.
2
SPEAKER_00
They do not, unfortunately.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s what it seems like.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_01
Caterpillar one!
2
SPEAKER_01
And you go, what s happening?
2
SPEAKER_01
They go, booty licker on five.
2
SPEAKER_01
And you go, is this a play or is he talking to me?
2
SPEAKER_01
So I don t know, because what do you listen for in the play?
2
SPEAKER_01
Do you have to get any instructions or is it?
2
SPEAKER_00
Absolutely.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, you get used to listening to the portion of the play that pertains to you.
2
SPEAKER_00
And for the center, really the whole thing other than the route concept is important to you.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like you need to know the formation, you need to know the snap count, you need to know what
3
SPEAKER_00
the play is that we re running, if it s a run play or a pass play, and the protection or run concept.
3
SPEAKER_00
Everybody gets in tune to listening to the things that are important for their job.
3
SPEAKER_00
The quarterback obviously having the ultimate
3
SPEAKER_00
and tight ends to a certain extent, of needing to listen to everything.
3
SPEAKER_00
And that s why those guys tend to be the most knowledgeable throughout the entire offense.
3
SPEAKER_02
They jam their head in farther in that huddle.
3
SPEAKER_02
Some just kind of kick back on the side.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
The tackles are like, just give me what the 62 got it.
3
SPEAKER_00
You know, they don t care about half of the stuff.
3
SPEAKER_03
Has it gotten more sophisticated?
3
SPEAKER_03
Because I m from the 60s, you know, John Brody and the 49ers said, I swear they would go, hut one, hut two.
3
SPEAKER_03
But nowadays it seems like Brock Purdy says, what s up, what s up, what s up.
3
SPEAKER_03
But what is he saying?
3
SPEAKER_00
Was he saying, yeah, I don t know Brock Purdy specific one.
3
SPEAKER_00
I know, uh, Dak Prescott does.
3
SPEAKER_00
Um, oh my gosh, it s, uh, we were joking about this whole season.
3
SPEAKER_00
Campbell soup, Campbell soup, Campbell soup.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
There s,
3
SPEAKER_00
I would say in some ways it s gotten less convoluted because to David, your point, the more words you have in the play call, the more chance somebody is going to miss something.
3
SPEAKER_00
So now, so now there s kind of been a move back to like, how can we simplify these things with code words or words that we use
3
SPEAKER_00
all the time so that players, the moment they hear that, they know, okay, God, I know what this concept is.
3
SPEAKER_00
And you can shrink it down into one, two word phrases.
3
SPEAKER_00
So at the line of scrimmage, though, the snap count, it s so specific to each team.
3
SPEAKER_00
Most of the time you want a lead in, right?
3
SPEAKER_00
So whatever it is, if it s
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
A hot, hot hike.
3
SPEAKER_00
Right.
3
SPEAKER_00
For us, it s color number.
3
SPEAKER_00
So it s white 80, white 80 said hot.
3
SPEAKER_00
The reason, you know, just go up there and say said hot is because everybody be jumping off sides.
3
SPEAKER_00
You got that little lead in like, hey, we re getting ready.
3
SPEAKER_00
We re getting ready.
3
SPEAKER_02
Here it comes.
3
SPEAKER_02
Bow.
3
SPEAKER_02
Right.
3
SPEAKER_02
Is it always the same thing or is every play?
3
SPEAKER_02
He says what it s going on and then you don t want them to hear.
3
SPEAKER_00
Correct.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s either in the huddle or at the line of scrimmage.
3
SPEAKER_00
There ll be code words to let you know, like if we re no huddle, he ll say, you know, whatever the code word is.
3
SPEAKER_00
When I was with Howard mud, it was like pink and then a two digit number.
3
SPEAKER_00
And the first digit was always what it was on.
3
SPEAKER_00
So it was like, you know, pink 15, it was on one, you know, pink 32 was on three.
3
SPEAKER_00
So you, you kind of would try and think
3
SPEAKER_00
At any time, you could say, you didn t know you re a pink, pink, there s only 32.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then you knew it was on three, right?
3
SPEAKER_00
So there s all sorts of codes and different ways to figure out at the line of scrimmage or in the huddle.
3
SPEAKER_00
There s just on three on one on three.
3
SPEAKER_02
So that s generally how I got out of the game.
3
SPEAKER_03
Uh, I played flag football and I loved it.
3
SPEAKER_03
We had glaze at ready break.
3
SPEAKER_03
I m in sixth grade.
3
SPEAKER_03
I was the halfback.
3
SPEAKER_03
Um, and then tackle football came in at five, one 91 pounds freshman in high school.
3
SPEAKER_03
I looked like a fetus with shoes.
3
SPEAKER_03
They said there s a cross country team.
3
SPEAKER_03
No one will hit you.
3
SPEAKER_03
So I went out that way, but there s a question I have for you, like, and yeah, professional athletes in general.
3
SPEAKER_03
So you finished the game.
3
SPEAKER_03
and you ve gotten your ass kicked.
3
SPEAKER_03
I think the sound has gotten better.
3
SPEAKER_03
I don t know what it is, but I feel the violence or maybe the TVs are better.
3
SPEAKER_03
I really feel the violence or hear it.
3
SPEAKER_03
Bone cracking, McCaffrey s going up and you just, so what is your protocol to get healed?
3
SPEAKER_03
Do you have a team?
3
SPEAKER_03
Do you get a massage?
3
SPEAKER_03
You go in the sauna.
3
SPEAKER_03
I mean, is there a whole metric that you go through
3
SPEAKER_03
to see if you re hurt, first of all, and whatever.
3
SPEAKER_03
Like, what do you, what s your, what do you do?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
If, if you have an acute injury, you re seeing the trainer to see if you need treatment on it or how bad it is.
3
SPEAKER_00
You might need an MRI or an X-ray to determine whether you re okay.
3
SPEAKER_00
Anything outside of that, a bruise, or just general soreness, you have kind of anything at your disposal.
3
SPEAKER_00
Every guy likes different things.
3
SPEAKER_00
I was big into sauna.
3
SPEAKER_00
I was big into massage.
3
SPEAKER_00
Lifting weights always made me feel better, because it naturally kind of pumps the blood in there.
3
SPEAKER_00
Some guys love acupuncture.
3
SPEAKER_00
Some guys love chiropractic stuff.
3
SPEAKER_00
Some guys love, what s it called?
3
SPEAKER_02
Is it true there s a bowl of Vicodins in the weight room by the door?
3
SPEAKER_00
No, there used to be.
3
SPEAKER_00
They cracked down on that.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, that s a good, I might have to come over.
3
SPEAKER_03
We have them here in a little bowl.
3
SPEAKER_03
We can t get it to you.
3
SPEAKER_03
But they always say that this time of year, everyone s beaten up.
3
SPEAKER_03
This is when the playoffs start.
3
SPEAKER_03
Everyone s beaten up.
3
SPEAKER_03
So everyone s nurturing something.
3
SPEAKER_03
And it just feels I just want to dovetail to what I mean, we all know you have a decision to make whether you re going to retire or and so and also
3
SPEAKER_03
what I ve read about is that the adrenal rush of being a professional football player and the camaraderie is such an intense life that then people go outside of that and where are they going to get that rush.
3
SPEAKER_03
So we would vote for show business of any way you want to be in it because we think it s an emotionally violent sport
3
SPEAKER_03
Like if I get off this podcast, I ll be thinking, I talk too much or I should ask that question.
3
SPEAKER_03
So are you, what do you think?
3
SPEAKER_03
Are you going to be in the booth?
3
SPEAKER_03
You re going to go on movies maybe, or, or are you going to go back and play for the Eagles?
3
SPEAKER_03
You have 10 seconds.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s what I m, I m trying to figure it out right now.
3
SPEAKER_00
There s right now exploring different opportunities.
3
SPEAKER_00
If I end up retiring, still working out and staying in shape, if I end up playing again.
3
SPEAKER_00
But that s what I ve heard from all the former players is, you know, when you re playing, it s like this every week, right?
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, we just won.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, we just got our ass kicked.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, we just were in the playoffs.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, we re out.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like it s, it s very much that s the life you re in and it s play by play like that as well.
3
SPEAKER_00
And, um, all these guys, when they get done, it s like, man, you re just kind of here, man.
3
SPEAKER_00
You, you very rarely get these peaks and you got to find a way to kind of get that as much.
3
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Hey, I mean, some guys get into it for real.
3
SPEAKER_03
Maybe this is a good time, I don t want to keep you too long, but you have shown capability as a performer.
3
SPEAKER_03
I think the underdog speech
3
SPEAKER_03
Uh, as you know, and you must ve been told about, I mean, it was like, not like a football player giving a speech.
3
SPEAKER_03
It had rhythm.
3
SPEAKER_03
It had timing.
3
SPEAKER_03
I don t know if you wrote it, but the list of it and then what underdogs are, I mean, it s, it s very show busy.
3
SPEAKER_03
So I can see you very organically when you want to retire.
3
SPEAKER_03
I mean, we want to, can we take a look at it?
3
SPEAKER_03
We just have a little clip of it.
3
SPEAKER_00
Let s do it.
3
SPEAKER_01
Are you doing Aladdin on Broadway after this?
3
SPEAKER_01
Aladdin in Philadelphia edition.
3
SPEAKER_03
That s like, to me, Chris Farley, as close as I ve seen Chris Farley.
3
SPEAKER_03
And it s such a great rhythm.
3
SPEAKER_03
Well, I m going to do one as a comedian.
3
SPEAKER_03
David Spade ain t funny.
3
SPEAKER_03
Adam Sandler couldn t be a movie star.
3
SPEAKER_03
How did you think of that?
3
SPEAKER_03
And also, what the hell are you wearing?
3
SPEAKER_03
Because it looks like a Wizard of Oz outfit or something.
3
SPEAKER_00
Sure.
3
SPEAKER_00
I guess I ll start with what I m wearing.
3
SPEAKER_00
In Philadelphia, there s a parade, Mummer s Parade, and it s been done for a very long time.
3
SPEAKER_00
And everybody dresses up in these
3
SPEAKER_00
ornate, ridiculous costumes.
3
SPEAKER_00
And it s, I think it has roots all the way back to Europe at some point.
3
SPEAKER_00
But that s something that happens every New Year s Day in Philadelphia.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I figured if we re doing a Philadelphia parade, I ll do a Philadelphia style.
3
SPEAKER_00
And fortunately, there was a just perfect green eagle colored version of that outfit available in my size.
3
SPEAKER_00
But
3
SPEAKER_00
And then the speech, I couldn t, after you win a Super Bowl, it s such a high, right?
3
SPEAKER_00
It s the pinnacle of your career and you start thinking about all the things you had to do to get there selfishly.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then you start thinking about everything your teammates had to do and your coaches and the city.
3
SPEAKER_00
So it all really just came together very organically.
3
SPEAKER_00
I remember I would be up till two or three in the morning after the game
3
SPEAKER_00
And I didn t even know if I was going to get a chance to make a speech, to be honest with you, but I just can t.
3
SPEAKER_00
These narratives are floating around in my head and I m like waking my wife up and like, Hey, what do you think about this?
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, what if I said something like that?
3
SPEAKER_00
And she s like, will you go to sleep?
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, why are you bothering me with this?
3
SPEAKER_00
And, um, I think I probably, I didn t really have a full thing written down, but I remember I was keeping track of different things and different guys and what they had to do to overcome to get to that moment.
3
SPEAKER_00
Uh, that was a theme of the team.
3
SPEAKER_00
So there were just a lot of things that came together organically for that to happen.
3
SPEAKER_00
Um, but yeah, it was, it was something that flowed out.
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I somehow managed to still get it together after an entire,
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t know, 40 blocks of drinking beers and celebrating with fans.
4
SPEAKER_01
And like, it wasn t like I just walked up there.
4
SPEAKER_01
That was like, that was like three hours in.
4
SPEAKER_01
Exactly.
4
SPEAKER_01
We were, we had done enough spelling chants for the Eagles.
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
4
SPEAKER_01
The Eagles chant is,
4
SPEAKER_01
E-A-G-L-E-S eagles.
4
SPEAKER_01
I mean, you don t get much more like rudimentary than just spelling the word, but over very guttural.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_02
Spelling it.
4
SPEAKER_02
So I got a question.
4
SPEAKER_02
I got a question for Dana.
4
SPEAKER_02
Now, before we get to how many beers you ve had, which the overrunner is 40.
4
SPEAKER_02
Um,
4
SPEAKER_02
This is a quick question about this year s Super Bowl.
4
SPEAKER_02
Would you have known what to do in that coin toss or did you know something was up with that coin toss or not?
4
SPEAKER_01
You re talking about the overtime decision?
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I mean, we as a team have always talked about for playoff overtime, meaning the second team or the other team is guaranteed a possession of kicking.
4
SPEAKER_01
You want to have
4
SPEAKER_01
knowledge of what you re trying to get that second possession.
4
SPEAKER_01
Um, I have never, I had never even heard of it, uh, described until Kyle Shanahan went over it and his postgame press conference at the time.
4
SPEAKER_01
I was like, what are they doing?
4
SPEAKER_01
Why would they, this doesn t make sense to receive.
4
SPEAKER_01
Uh, but I think after Kyle saying that, I mean, there s, there s logic behind it and nobody was getting in the end zone.
4
SPEAKER_01
If it goes field goal, field goal, you want to have the ball third.
4
SPEAKER_01
Um,
4
SPEAKER_02
Oh, he s still one more than that.
4
SPEAKER_02
He s thinking one for exactly what they have.
4
SPEAKER_01
But I think the reality is, I think just personally, you would rather have you want to be the first team with the ability to end the game first because you re in the driver s seat as to be aggressive, passive.
4
SPEAKER_01
You have more.
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
4
SPEAKER_01
There s more just on the line with that second possession.
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t know that.
4
SPEAKER_01
It would have taken a lot probably for Kansas City to kick a field goal.
4
SPEAKER_01
It would have had to have been like a fourth and like five plus, I bet, for them to relinquish the ball back to San Francisco after that, I would bet.
4
SPEAKER_01
But either way, I don t know what the analytics say.
4
SPEAKER_01
I think that you can kind of get those numbers to say whatever you want, I feel like.
4
SPEAKER_01
If you want to be the team with the ball third, you find a way to skew them to say that.
4
SPEAKER_01
If you want to be the team with the ball second, you can find a way to get them to say that.
4
SPEAKER_01
I think that was the first time I d really seen somebody with the mindset that they were going to receive first with these new overtime rules being what they are.
4
SPEAKER_03
And also the Niners would have to do prevent defense in a sense, don t give them a touchdown.
4
SPEAKER_03
And so then you give that opening to Patrick and your brother.
4
SPEAKER_03
And I was watching it just as a Niner fan, although I m a huge Kansas City fan.
4
SPEAKER_03
and the Eagles as well.
4
SPEAKER_03
But I was like, oh, no.
4
SPEAKER_03
And I told my wife, I go, it s over, you know, Patrick.
4
SPEAKER_03
And in that time frame, four downs, go, go, go.
4
SPEAKER_02
They were going so fast down the field, too.
4
SPEAKER_02
You re like, God damn.
4
SPEAKER_02
And San Francisco is so slow inching.
4
SPEAKER_02
And then they re just doing chunks and you go, oh boy, this is it.
4
SPEAKER_01
The moment they kicked the field goal, I felt really confident that the Chiefs are going to go down and win it.
4
SPEAKER_01
Just Patrick is so good in those situations.
4
SPEAKER_01
You know, he gets more, you know, everybody s talked about, you know, he gets four, he gets four downs instead of three to try and get a first down, right?
4
SPEAKER_03
Huge difference.
4
SPEAKER_01
So I think it was, you know, and Sam Fran was gassed at that point.
4
SPEAKER_01
I mean, they d already put up a lot and, you know, done a great job all game long.
4
SPEAKER_01
But the later in the game it gets, the harder it gets for the defenses to defend what s happening.
4
SPEAKER_02
You know, Jason, I heard a rumor about Travis was yelling at Andy Reid during the game.
4
SPEAKER_02
And I heard what he said.
4
SPEAKER_01
The audio is off.
4
SPEAKER_02
but someone who came out, he said, why did you tell me to get out of Bitcoin?
4
SPEAKER_02
Is that true?
4
SPEAKER_01
Um, I don t know.
4
SPEAKER_01
Is Bitcoin up now?
4
SPEAKER_01
I feel like Andy probably would.
4
SPEAKER_01
Gosh, dang it.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, he s an old school coach.
4
SPEAKER_01
He wouldn t be into the Bitcoin, I don t think.
4
SPEAKER_02
Well, we do an impression thing on here before we let you go.
4
SPEAKER_02
First of all, Dana, this came about because I ran into Jason just so people know that are listening.
4
SPEAKER_02
It s a little random, but I saw him at the U2 concert and Sandler wanted to say hi to him.
4
SPEAKER_02
I did too, but we didn t want to be weirdos.
4
SPEAKER_02
But we went over and we talked to him.
4
SPEAKER_02
By the way, Jason, do you remember?
4
SPEAKER_02
Oh, I sent you these.
4
SPEAKER_01
I couldn t say anything.
4
SPEAKER_02
This is us.
4
SPEAKER_01
This was awesome.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_02
And then I said, I ll take a picture of you and Adam with my phone.
4
SPEAKER_02
And here s the two pictures I took, Dana.
4
SPEAKER_02
Do you have those, Greg?
4
SPEAKER_02
That s the one that works.
4
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_02
So that s the one that worked.
4
SPEAKER_01
We got another one.
4
SPEAKER_02
So we, we talked to him for a minute with how he longs in there with there.
4
SPEAKER_02
He s got the athletes.
4
SPEAKER_02
We have all the goofy comedians on our side.
4
SPEAKER_02
Uh, and so Jason was very nice and, uh, we had a great time.
4
SPEAKER_02
And then, uh, the show was great.
4
SPEAKER_02
Bono, you know, there s so many 60th birthdays.
4
SPEAKER_02
He s giving shout outs for about 29 minutes because there was 300 people because everyone s old.
4
SPEAKER_02
It goes to.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, he s going on Chris Rock.
4
SPEAKER_03
I got a pint of beer in the bleachers.
4
SPEAKER_03
Forty seven years of age in my book.
4
SPEAKER_03
And yeah, I didn t mean to boogie up.
4
SPEAKER_02
Oh, there we go.
4
SPEAKER_02
Oh, there we go.
4
SPEAKER_02
That s Spade s first shot at these two.
4
SPEAKER_02
Jason s like, nailed it.
4
SPEAKER_02
Knock one out.
4
SPEAKER_03
That s Sandler with a bad facelift.
4
SPEAKER_02
And then I go, no, I got it now.
4
SPEAKER_02
I fixed my camera.
4
SPEAKER_02
Here s the second one.
4
SPEAKER_02
A completely blurry one.
4
SPEAKER_02
I took one that was a total disaster.
4
SPEAKER_02
Anyway, Jason, you were cool.
4
SPEAKER_02
Thank you.
4
SPEAKER_02
And we re going to end this by.
4
SPEAKER_02
wasting your time more because we have people submit impressions.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_02
And I don t think this is you, but I think it reminded us, you said we should look at this one.
4
SPEAKER_02
You went to the level of this character in your speech.
4
SPEAKER_02
So I haven t, we haven t seen this, but here s an impression of it.
4
SPEAKER_02
You haven t seen it.
4
SPEAKER_02
I think I know what this is.
4
SPEAKER_00
A couple of things about myself.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m 35 years old, recently divorced and I live in a van down by the river.
4
SPEAKER_02
OK, that was spot on.
4
SPEAKER_02
That was that was good.
4
SPEAKER_02
That s impressive.
4
SPEAKER_02
He really got a few.
4
SPEAKER_02
I have a few notes, Jason.
4
SPEAKER_02
OK.
4
SPEAKER_02
He was thrice divorced.
4
SPEAKER_02
Ah, recently divorced.
4
SPEAKER_02
But I did like the movement.
4
SPEAKER_02
I like the hoarseness of the voice, which you had sort of down.
4
SPEAKER_02
The tone was great.
4
SPEAKER_02
The tone was great.
4
SPEAKER_02
I think you rushed it a little bit.
4
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_03
It just, you want to say in a van down by the little pause, really milk it.
4
SPEAKER_02
And maybe when you get close to me, bump your head into me.
4
SPEAKER_02
That was a nice trick.
4
SPEAKER_03
I mean, I guess Jay, someone like you really can squat like, like Farley could really, he was a football player in college, right?
4
SPEAKER_03
Or high school, but also the guy could, if he could do a deeper squat and do that move that Chris does, but it s really good.
4
SPEAKER_03
What was the name of that guy?
4
SPEAKER_03
I want to mention him.
4
SPEAKER_02
We ll give him a shout out later in post.
4
SPEAKER_02
His name is Dr. Phil Finemore.
4
SPEAKER_02
Doctor?
4
SPEAKER_03
Dr. Phil Finemore?
4
SPEAKER_03
Did someone just write stupid on my forehead?
4
SPEAKER_02
Sorry I m late for your heart surgery.
4
SPEAKER_02
I was working on my Christopher Walken impression.
4
SPEAKER_03
Why?
4
SPEAKER_03
Ready now.
4
SPEAKER_03
So, Jason, well, it s been a pleasure.
4
SPEAKER_03
I think the world of professional athletes and the way you handle yourself, you and your brother have a great podcast.
4
SPEAKER_03
Uh, and, um, I wish you all the best.
4
SPEAKER_03
I think you can, when you want to be either in the movies, television, or being in the booth, uh, calling games or whatever you want to do, I think you ll do great.
4
SPEAKER_03
But I know what it s like.
4
SPEAKER_03
We could leave like Daniel Day-Lewis could come back this year and make a movie and we go, Oh, where was he?
4
SPEAKER_03
Right.
4
SPEAKER_03
Five years.
4
SPEAKER_03
Once you re out, you can t go back in.
4
SPEAKER_03
Basically.
4
SPEAKER_03
It s a little trickier unless you re Tom Brady.
4
SPEAKER_03
He s still there.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
He will be welcome back at any time if you want.
4
SPEAKER_03
So do we help you inform your decision at all or will you talk to your wife about Dana and David?
4
SPEAKER_01
I have not thought too much of show business.
4
SPEAKER_01
I ve thought a little bit about the booth and football stuff, but I appreciate you guys having me on.
4
SPEAKER_01
This is such an honor to just talk to both of you, as I was telling David at the show.
4
SPEAKER_01
I mean, it was such a special moment to meet you guys and like the pedestal of
4
SPEAKER_01
comedians and just the peak of that craft.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s such an honor to even be on here and talk to you guys.
4
SPEAKER_01
So thank you very much, Dana.
4
SPEAKER_01
Thank you, David.
4
SPEAKER_01
Thanks for having me.
4
SPEAKER_02
Thank you.
4
SPEAKER_02
All right.
4
SPEAKER_02
We ll talk to you soon, bud.
4
SPEAKER_02
Out in the real world.
4
SPEAKER_01
Sounds good.
4
SPEAKER_02
Well, that was fun, Dana.
4
SPEAKER_02
I love talking to him.
4
SPEAKER_03
awesome and he s very informative and he s funny dude he s got his shit together it seems yeah i mean it s just fun to talk to athletes it s such a high wire lifestyle and to be a center he s pretty funny just about lining up against giant people who want to kill him it s so
5
SPEAKER_06
violent.
5
SPEAKER_07
You know, I actually was watching the puppy bowl a little bit this year and I bet on one of them and it s always a bummer when they get hurt, they go into the blue tent, you know, pull a hammy and then if they re out, that s it.
5
SPEAKER_07
There s all my money down the drain.
5
SPEAKER_09
So is the puppy bowl real?
5
SPEAKER_09
I have to ask just in case.
5
SPEAKER_09
The puppy bowl is real.
5
SPEAKER_09
It is real, okay.
5
SPEAKER_08
That s a good, that s funny.
5
SPEAKER_07
It s literally the hard to bet on because literally they just put all these cute puppies on like something that looks like a football field and they just run around and poop and bark and it s adorable.
5
SPEAKER_09
Well, I know there is.
5
SPEAKER_09
I don t think I I don t know if it s in every state, but the toddler ball and they just have a diaper changing tent in the top.
5
SPEAKER_08
That s it.
5
SPEAKER_09
They go.
5
SPEAKER_07
They just coming out.
5
SPEAKER_09
Number 31 is coming out.
5
SPEAKER_09
He asked.
5
SPEAKER_09
He just dropped the load in his diaper.
5
SPEAKER_09
He s got to get changed.
5
SPEAKER_09
He s going to the blue tent.
5
SPEAKER_07
We put a thousand babies on the football field.
5
SPEAKER_07
See which one walks to the goal.
5
SPEAKER_09
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_09
Which one looks the most like Sidney Sweeney?
5
SPEAKER_09
She s our guest today.
5
SPEAKER_07
Yeah, I know she is our theme because she s on SNL this week.
5
SPEAKER_07
So, okay So let s let s look at some more impressions.
5
SPEAKER_07
We just saw a motivational speaker.
5
SPEAKER_07
It s pretty good and We will go to the next one.
5
SPEAKER_07
Let s see what we think.
5
SPEAKER_05
All right, this is Jonathan Emmerling Hey, never seen David three quick impressions for you impression number one Jordan Peterson at the birth of his daughter three and
5
SPEAKER_05
This is the happiest I ve ever been in my life.
5
SPEAKER_05
Number two, Nick Offerman relaying some disappointing news.
5
SPEAKER_05
He said no.
5
SPEAKER_05
And impression number three is Severus Snape sexually harassing Harry Potter.
5
SPEAKER_05
Mr. Potter, if you wish to pass this class, I suggest you remove your blouse and underclothes immediately.
5
SPEAKER_05
Thanks, guys.
5
SPEAKER_09
OK, actually, OK, well, first of all, yeah.
5
SPEAKER_09
Offbeat impressions, you don t hear a lot of Nick Offerman and what was the first one?
5
SPEAKER_07
I like the third one, then the second one, then the first one, so the first one was Jordan Peterson.
5
SPEAKER_09
Oh, yeah.
5
SPEAKER_07
OK, that s offbeat, too.
5
SPEAKER_09
That s, that s definitely offbeat.
5
SPEAKER_09
Jordan Peterson sort of has a high kind of Canadian voice.
5
SPEAKER_09
Women don t like men that are too weak or to baby.
5
SPEAKER_09
Um, his was actually good.
5
SPEAKER_07
It s good to do it.
5
SPEAKER_07
It s sort of a good way to do it.
5
SPEAKER_07
You do, you don t go too long and you just get a hook in there.
5
SPEAKER_07
That sounds kind of like a Nick Offerman was like.
5
SPEAKER_07
quick.
5
SPEAKER_07
No, that sounded like him before you can tear it apart and you get worse.
5
SPEAKER_07
You sounded like, you know,
5
SPEAKER_09
Yeah, they re nice, quick, what I would call micro impressions just right to the point.
5
SPEAKER_09
So good job, Jonathan.
5
SPEAKER_09
The hat was interesting.
5
SPEAKER_09
Gave you kind of a festive vibe that you re not necessary, but it it made it.
5
SPEAKER_09
I thought I was going to do more fun or something.
5
SPEAKER_07
Yeah, yeah.
5
SPEAKER_07
So did I. Something with the hat.
5
SPEAKER_07
But yeah, it did.
5
SPEAKER_07
I did like it.
5
SPEAKER_07
OK, let s see another one.
5
SPEAKER_07
Oh, it s got a young lady here.
5
SPEAKER_02
This is Allison.
5
SPEAKER_07
Mary Allison.
5
SPEAKER_07
We haven t seen these.
5
SPEAKER_00
Hi Dana and David, my name is Allie and this is my impression of Jennifer Coolidge from Legally Blonde.
5
SPEAKER_01
I m taking the dog.
5
SPEAKER_01
Dumbass.
5
SPEAKER_01
You look like the Fourth of July.
5
SPEAKER_01
That makes me want to have a hot dog real bad.
5
SPEAKER_06
Dumbass.
5
SPEAKER_01
And this is my impression of Jennifer Coolidge from A Cinderella Story.
5
SPEAKER_01
Oh, Sam, you re not very pretty and you re not very bright.
5
SPEAKER_01
I m so glad we had that talk.
5
SPEAKER_00
Thank you.
5
SPEAKER_09
That was the real very nice money.
5
SPEAKER_09
Yeah, I thought that was good.
5
SPEAKER_09
Yeah, that that she nailed it.
5
SPEAKER_09
I mean, I thought that was a great Jennifer Coolidge tone was pretty good.
5
SPEAKER_09
It kind of if you close your eyes, I thought she d do a White Lotus one because that s kind of her latest, greatest hit, I think, you know, but I m stuck.
5
SPEAKER_07
She has a character that she play.
5
SPEAKER_07
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_07
I remember she s on the boat.
5
SPEAKER_09
Yeah, no, she was incredible in that show.
5
SPEAKER_09
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_07
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_09
White Lotus, Jennifer Coolidge.
5
SPEAKER_09
I d love to have her on the podcast, either our flagship or this one.
5
SPEAKER_09
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_09
Jennifer.
5
SPEAKER_09
Mm hmm.
5
SPEAKER_09
But she s listening.
5
SPEAKER_09
Everyone s listening.
5
SPEAKER_09
But that was a very just I had not heard.
5
SPEAKER_09
I had not heard a Jennifer Coolidge impression.
5
SPEAKER_07
All right.
5
SPEAKER_07
Let s go to another one.
5
SPEAKER_07
And then I got one for Dana.
5
SPEAKER_07
OK, let s go.
5
SPEAKER_07
This guy, we don t know his name.
5
SPEAKER_07
This is Dante Carter.
5
SPEAKER_04
What s up, guys?
5
SPEAKER_04
My name is Dante Carter.
5
SPEAKER_04
I m a comedian from South Carolina.
5
SPEAKER_04
I m going to pause here so David can make fun of me.
5
SPEAKER_04
Oh, David.
5
SPEAKER_07
Hey, you re in your car.
5
SPEAKER_04
This is my impression of Barack Obama ordering Taco Bell.
5
SPEAKER_04
Oh, can I get a chalupa with extra pico sour cream?
5
SPEAKER_04
Uh, no beans.
5
SPEAKER_04
Uh, Barry can t do beans.
5
SPEAKER_04
Uh, no beans.
5
SPEAKER_04
Mary gets the booboo belly.
5
SPEAKER_04
Uh, thank you.
5
SPEAKER_09
It s a booboo belly.
5
SPEAKER_09
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_09
First of all, Dante, I liked that.
5
SPEAKER_09
He, he made it funny.
5
SPEAKER_09
Like he took that one hook of, uh, and took it so far.
5
SPEAKER_09
So it s actually just funny.
5
SPEAKER_09
Even if you know, didn t know who Obama was.
5
SPEAKER_09
I thought the impression was pretty good.
5
SPEAKER_09
It was, um, nice, nice job.
5
SPEAKER_09
I don t.
5
SPEAKER_09
Uh, you can make a choice to go down on this, this more often, you know, just that type of thing.
5
SPEAKER_09
But he does kind of, uh, he will do that.
5
SPEAKER_07
He took it, he teased it out.
5
SPEAKER_09
Mm hmm.
5
SPEAKER_09
Yeah, that was that s that s what people do.
5
SPEAKER_09
That s what people do.
5
SPEAKER_09
But yeah, it s not not a lot of people do.
5
SPEAKER_07
I like that he took time to go into the car and knock it out instead of just doing in his house.
5
SPEAKER_07
He s like, oh, let s do it now.
5
SPEAKER_09
I thought he was going to do Theo Vaughn with that accent.
5
SPEAKER_07
I bet someone does.
5
SPEAKER_09
Yeah, I go.
5
SPEAKER_09
Mm hmm.
5
SPEAKER_09
OK, here we are.
5
SPEAKER_09
All right.
5
SPEAKER_09
This is we got another one.
5
SPEAKER_07
Then I got one after Nathan.
5
SPEAKER_07
OK.
5
SPEAKER_03
Well, hi Dana.
5
SPEAKER_03
Hi David.
5
SPEAKER_03
This is Morgan Freeman.
5
SPEAKER_03
Little Birdy told me that you re now taking in impressions for your podcast.
5
SPEAKER_03
I think that s a mighty fine idea.
5
SPEAKER_03
I also understand that you re accepting Red Rednecky jokes as well.
5
SPEAKER_03
I thought, why not kill two birds with one stone?
5
SPEAKER_03
Or as Red might say, two squirrels with one can.
5
SPEAKER_03
So, here we go.
5
SPEAKER_03
I m Red Rednecky, the redneck comedian.
5
SPEAKER_03
Last week, my girlfriend broke up with me, but told me we could still be cousins.
5
SPEAKER_03
Come and get some.
5
SPEAKER_02
This is Nathan from Dallas, Texas.
5
SPEAKER_02
I just want to say thank you guys so much for the decades of laughter you guys have given us and me personally.
5
SPEAKER_02
It s been a thrill.
5
SPEAKER_02
Love the podcast.
5
SPEAKER_02
Keep up the great work.
5
SPEAKER_09
I like that part the best.
5
SPEAKER_09
I like the ending part about the Great War.
5
SPEAKER_09
Nathan Beasley.
5
SPEAKER_09
It was a really, really good Morgan Freeman.
5
SPEAKER_09
It was very subtle and very real.
5
SPEAKER_09
And the Red Red Necky was actually pretty clever.
5
SPEAKER_09
Maybe too clever.
5
SPEAKER_09
I don t know, but it was actually good.
5
SPEAKER_09
diversion joke, like they were cousins the whole time, right?
5
SPEAKER_07
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_07
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_07
I like that Red Redneck one, too.
5
SPEAKER_07
And I like it as Morgan Freeman.
5
SPEAKER_07
I was trying to look.
5
SPEAKER_07
I was looking away because I just want to hear if it just sounds like his tone.
5
SPEAKER_07
But he has rhythms down as Morgan Freeman.
5
SPEAKER_07
White guy is hard.
5
SPEAKER_07
It must be harder to do, but it s pretty good.
5
SPEAKER_07
I thought it was good.
5
SPEAKER_09
Mm hmm.
5
SPEAKER_07
OK, is there one more?
5
SPEAKER_09
I just have some Red Redneck jokes.
5
SPEAKER_09
Oh, well, let me do my impression that doing the impression.
5
SPEAKER_07
Yeah, here it is, Dana.
5
SPEAKER_07
So this is this is in the shower this morning.
5
SPEAKER_07
I thought of this because I watched The Beekeeper this weekend with Jason Statham and any movie he s in.
5
SPEAKER_07
He s always first.
5
SPEAKER_07
He doesn t talk a lot.
5
SPEAKER_07
He always has a lot on his mind.
5
SPEAKER_07
All these guys have a lot on their mind.
5
SPEAKER_07
They don t want to be bothered.
5
SPEAKER_07
And he s always thinking like this.
5
SPEAKER_07
When other people are talking and they like to be left alone.
5
SPEAKER_06
And he s like, I m the beekeeper.
5
SPEAKER_06
I keep the bees.
5
SPEAKER_06
I like to be left alone.
5
SPEAKER_06
And if you come at me, I might sting you if you cross me.
5
SPEAKER_06
And they re like, well, are you a bee or are you a beekeeper?
5
SPEAKER_06
He s like, don t let that concern you.
5
SPEAKER_06
You don t want to find out.
5
SPEAKER_06
I take the honey to the queen. 
5
SPEAKER_07
And they re like, well, I don t get what your job is.
5
SPEAKER_07
You re actually a beekeeper or are you just, are you here to kill me?
5
SPEAKER_07
Just, I ll go, I just want to be left alone.
5
SPEAKER_07
All of them want to be left alone.
5
SPEAKER_07
All those types of guys.
5
SPEAKER_07
He was also in Meg.
5
SPEAKER_07
I saw two movies with him.
6
SPEAKER_00
the shark movie where it s a diabolical shark where it gets so bananas you know it s you know it s not um a well-written movie when at the end he goes careful the shark has a gun the shark does
6
SPEAKER_00
It s getting very human toward the end.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s got a gun in his right fin.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s actually a good impression.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s good.
6
SPEAKER_00
You know, if you don t try too hard, it s a decent impression because he doesn t really do a lot.
6
SPEAKER_00
He s just thinking a lot.
6
SPEAKER_00
And he was a beekeeper, a full beekeeper outfit.
6
SPEAKER_00
That was the movie.
6
SPEAKER_02
I m a beekeeper.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s also just a funny take on a kind of a badass guy in a movie where he s talking in metaphors or something.
6
SPEAKER_01
I m a beekeeper.
6
SPEAKER_01
And, you know, it s just a funny character anyway, which is and he goes, after I sting you, I die.
6
SPEAKER_00
And they re like, wait, we die or you die.
6
SPEAKER_00
And also, so you re actually a bee in this scenario.
6
SPEAKER_00
And he s like,
6
SPEAKER_00
I mean, no way.
6
SPEAKER_03
Go back one.
6
SPEAKER_03
I m.
6
SPEAKER_03
Yes, I m the beekeeper.
6
SPEAKER_00
We everyone we understood that part, that part we got, but that s really most of his lines in the movie, because it turns out a beekeeper, other than he tends to actual bees in the movie, all this, then if you re a super badass FBI guy, you re a beekeeper.
6
SPEAKER_00
They don t really say what that means.
6
SPEAKER_00
That means.
6
SPEAKER_00
That s just the best, the best.
6
SPEAKER_01
Oh, it actually a thing.
6
SPEAKER_01
I think I m a beekeeper.
6
SPEAKER_00
But then he goes, leaves and is any hides and retires.
6
SPEAKER_00
But he kind of likes the attention because he s actually a beekeeper.
6
SPEAKER_00
So like, wait, you re not a beekeeper from the FBI.
6
SPEAKER_00
Why would you think that?
6
SPEAKER_00
Well, you re dressed like a bee.
6
SPEAKER_00
You could do anything else.
6
SPEAKER_00
Work at a bowling alley.
6
SPEAKER_00
I m a beekeeper.
6
SPEAKER_02
I keep bees.
6
SPEAKER_02
I keep bees in a keeping place.
6
SPEAKER_00
A keeping place?
6
SPEAKER_00
What do you mean?
6
SPEAKER_02
Where bees live.
6
SPEAKER_00
You don t know that much about being a beekeeper because you already don t know really where you keep them.
6
SPEAKER_00
He just likes I want to just be that guy.
6
SPEAKER_01
I m just going to call for a restaurant.
6
SPEAKER_01
We d like a reservation.
6
SPEAKER_01
We d like four seats.
6
SPEAKER_02
And I know how to get them.
6
SPEAKER_00
OK, what s the name?
6
SPEAKER_02
The beekeeper.
6
SPEAKER_02
Oh, I d like a plate of fresh bees, fried bees.
6
SPEAKER_00
I don t know where you re.
6
SPEAKER_00
This is Tower Bar.
6
SPEAKER_00
We don t have.
6
SPEAKER_00
OK, well, we can find something.
6
SPEAKER_00
We have honey packet.
6
SPEAKER_01
We ll find something for you.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yes, I like handy packets.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, that ll be fun.
6
SPEAKER_01
Beekeeper.
6
SPEAKER_01
All right.
6
SPEAKER_00
All right.
6
SPEAKER_01
Let s get into today is.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
Red Red Necky.
6
Mm hmm.
6
SPEAKER_01
Red Red Necky.
6
SPEAKER_01
We re going to watch a few of these.
6
SPEAKER_01
I guess we ll read.
6
SPEAKER_00
Oh, you re going to read them.
6
SPEAKER_00
And if you can read those data, I already see it s almost too long.
6
SPEAKER_00
But go ahead.
6
SPEAKER_01
I can read them.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
Well, this is this is from Spence Camp.
6
SPEAKER_01
Thanks for submitting here.
6
SPEAKER_01
And I was star.
6
SPEAKER_01
I m red, red, naked, a redneck meter.
6
SPEAKER_01
I m reading this cold preacher told me folks is talking because I m mad to a minor.
6
SPEAKER_01
I said, hell, she come down with the black lung when she was eight.
6
SPEAKER_01
She ain t set foot in a mine in three years.
6
SPEAKER_01
Come on, get some.
6
SPEAKER_01
Oh, a minor.
6
SPEAKER_01
That one will want to trunk down a little bit, but I get the joke.
6
SPEAKER_01
I didn t even get it.
6
SPEAKER_00
I had to read it twice.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
6
SPEAKER_01
Here s Philip Hirsch.
6
SPEAKER_01
Let s see.
6
Okay.
6
SPEAKER_01
I m red, red neck and redneck comedian.
6
SPEAKER_01
When I kiss mama, she said I kissed like Papa.
6
SPEAKER_01
I told her that s what sister said.
6
SPEAKER_01
Come and get some.
6
SPEAKER_01
Well, as an incestual thing, that s not bad.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s pretty sounds like a one.
6
SPEAKER_01
I just watch.
6
SPEAKER_01
OK, come and get some can go either way.
6
SPEAKER_01
J Dubbs is the name for our next middle.
6
SPEAKER_01
I m Red Redneck, the redneck comedian.
6
SPEAKER_01
Last night there was a knock on my door.
6
SPEAKER_01
I said, who that?
6
SPEAKER_01
They said, yo mama.
6
SPEAKER_01
I said, which one?
6
SPEAKER_01
Come on, get some.
6
SPEAKER_01
He s got two moms.
6
SPEAKER_01
Why was it?
6
SPEAKER_01
Which one?
6
SPEAKER_01
He has two moms?
6
SPEAKER_00
I don t get it.
6
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
6
SPEAKER_00
Actually, they re funny.
6
SPEAKER_00
I like these.
6
SPEAKER_01
Keep them coming.
6
SPEAKER_01
Here s two.
6
SPEAKER_01
To show you how hard it is, here s two quick ones that I wrote.
6
SPEAKER_01
This is Red Rednecky, the redneck comedian.
6
SPEAKER_01
My mama wrote a cookbook.
6
SPEAKER_01
How to eat like a swamp rat.
6
SPEAKER_01
Come and get some.
6
SPEAKER_01
I eat like a. So you eat like the long run.
6
SPEAKER_01
Well, this it should I should have started this one that s too long.
6
SPEAKER_01
I m red, redneck, the redneck comedian.
6
SPEAKER_01
I asked my mama, what s for dinner?
6
SPEAKER_01
She said, hot, sizzling mud bugs topped with a dozen live crawdads and buthered in swamp sauce.
6
SPEAKER_01
Come and get some.
6
SPEAKER_00
You say what?
6
SPEAKER_00
You should say, what is it, my birthday?
6
SPEAKER_01
Come and get some.
6
SPEAKER_01
Well, the whole thing is coming in some and you can elongate that.
6
SPEAKER_01
OK, my dentist, I m red, red, naked, redneck comedian.
6
SPEAKER_01
My dentist told me my teeth were green and brown.
6
SPEAKER_01
I said, great.
6
SPEAKER_01
Just like my daddy.
6
SPEAKER_01
Come on, guys.
6
SPEAKER_01
Oh, they re hard.
6
SPEAKER_01
They re hard today.
6
SPEAKER_00
This this is better than that.
6
SPEAKER_00
They all get laughs because they just everything about sounds funny.
6
SPEAKER_01
I know, but how do I top the language of this one?
6
SPEAKER_01
I met my sister only cause mama took me down.
6
SPEAKER_01
Come on, get some.
6
SPEAKER_01
You know, that s like, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s hard, hard to do the short ones, but.
6
SPEAKER_01
Incest, funny.
6
SPEAKER_01
You guys are getting close.
6
SPEAKER_01
We haven t crowned a red, red necky champ yet, but you guys are getting close.
6
SPEAKER_00
And send some more impressions.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I guess we ll see you next week.
6
SPEAKER_00
Is that all we got or not?
6
SPEAKER_00
Here to sign us off today is Jason Strathairn.
6
SPEAKER_03
You thought we were gone, but I ve always been here.
6
SPEAKER_03
I don t know if you read the papers, but I m the beekeeper.
6
SPEAKER_03
Don t cross me.
6
SPEAKER_03
You get honey in your grill.
6
SPEAKER_03
I ll spray you with honey in your grill.
6
SPEAKER_03
That sounds sexual.
6
SPEAKER_03
No.
6
SPEAKER_03
I think of a new way.
6
SPEAKER_03
Anyway, bye for now.
6
SPEAKER_00
This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Charlie Finan of Brillstein Entertainment, Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman.
6
SPEAKER_00
Hope you liked it.