1
SPEAKER_00
Okay, I love it.
1
SPEAKER_00
We re back.
1
SPEAKER_00
Nice break.
1
SPEAKER_01
Jason and Randy, this next question was sent in by a listener who, like us, is trying their best.
1
SPEAKER_01
Lindsey writes, my husband hates my cooking.
1
SPEAKER_01
To his credit, I never learned or liked to cook until recently, and he always cooked.
1
SPEAKER_01
This past year, I ve been making an effort, cooking recipes and trying my hardest to make good dinners.
1
SPEAKER_01
Last night, after a couple of glasses of wine, he accidentally let it slip that even though I m trying, my food is still not good.
1
SPEAKER_01
Should I just give up or keep trying to prove him wrong?
1
SPEAKER_00
This is a great question.
1
SPEAKER_00
My initial thought is, okay, so this cooking thing and his opinion of the food is becoming a wedge issue a little bit here.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
A wedge salad issue.
1
SPEAKER_00
There s an iceberg wedge between you now.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m saying maybe you say to him, because sometimes when someone pushes against you and is like, I don t like your cooking, you can be like, well, you re
1
SPEAKER_00
you smell weird.
1
SPEAKER_00
You throw some weird thing back at them.
1
SPEAKER_00
Instead of pushing back, then you could say, okay, well, I have an idea.
1
SPEAKER_00
How about we do something together?
1
SPEAKER_00
How about you show me how to cook something and we endeavor to do something together and you can show me how you do it because I actually love your cooking and maybe I can learn a little bit from you and we can do this experience together and make something together.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think it s really hard for that person in that case to turn that down.
1
SPEAKER_00
If that person
1
SPEAKER_00
and turns it down, then you guys probably have to talk about some bigger things.
1
SPEAKER_00
But I think if they re open to wanting to guide you, that could be a good moment for you guys.
1
SPEAKER_01
This is really great advice from a person from the show me state.
1
SPEAKER_00
Show me how to do it.
1
SPEAKER_00
Show me how to do it.
1
SPEAKER_00
Show me how to do it.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I like it.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t know how you re doing your recipes and how you re getting the recipes, but it s very hard to cook.
1
SPEAKER_00
As someone who does not know how to cook, and my wife is a phenomenal cook, and I ll cook something, and my kids are like, why did you do that?
1
SPEAKER_00
You did it wrong.
1
SPEAKER_00
Let mom do it.
1
SPEAKER_00
Just stop.
1
SPEAKER_00
Just get away from it.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s too smoky in this kitchen.
1
SPEAKER_00
We ve already called the fire department, and I m like, I m just making pasta.
1
SPEAKER_00
It is not that smoky.
1
SPEAKER_00
It shouldn t be that smoky.
1
SPEAKER_00
It should be not smoky at all.
1
SPEAKER_00
You put three different kinds of pastas in here, and this one is wet, and this one s not too al dente.
1
SPEAKER_01
This one s on fire.
1
SPEAKER_00
Why is the pasta on fire?
1
SPEAKER_00
It s in water.
1
SPEAKER_00
How is it on fire?
1
SPEAKER_00
So I m someone who gets that.
1
SPEAKER_00
You don t like my smoked penne?
1
SPEAKER_00
What s up with you, bro?
1
SPEAKER_00
So we have come to the realization that my wife is a fantastic cook.
1
SPEAKER_00
So what we do is,
1
SPEAKER_00
She cooks the dinners because everybody in the house is happy about it because she s a wonderful cook.
1
SPEAKER_00
In turn, I say, you don t lift a finger after this.
1
SPEAKER_00
You cook it, it goes on the table.
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SPEAKER_00
I ll do everything else.
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SPEAKER_00
I ll clean everything.
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SPEAKER_00
I ll put it away.
1
SPEAKER_00
I ll make the kids lunches for tomorrow out of the leftovers.
1
SPEAKER_00
The person feels like a chef.
1
SPEAKER_00
You re like, yes, chef.
1
SPEAKER_00
Right.
1
SPEAKER_00
By the way, you can then say, maybe I ll take breakfasts, because they re a little bit easier to make breakfast.
1
SPEAKER_00
And you can cook a little bit of cereal.
1
SPEAKER_00
But you could do an egg casserole if you re getting a little saucy.
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A breakfast sando.
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SPEAKER_00
You could pull off one of those.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m sure you could.
1
SPEAKER_00
So that s one way to do it, is to just be OK and not consider it giving up, but just consider it a redefinition of the roles of how you do the things you do in the family.
1
SPEAKER_00
The other thing is to do things like a HelloFresh type of a scenario.
1
SPEAKER_00
or whatever meal plan thing is coming to you.
1
SPEAKER_00
Those types of things that send you the ingredients, that type of a thing, it s hard to screw that up.
1
SPEAKER_00
People who can t cook actually do a decent job of making those things.
1
SPEAKER_00
So maybe you start with those types of things when you make meals for your family, and that s a way to just do it rather than starting from scratch, because it s hard to just open up a cookbook and know how to do it.
1
SPEAKER_01
Randy and Jason coming in with some great advice.
1
SPEAKER_01
Lindsay, our compliments to the chef, whether it s you or your husband.
1
SPEAKER_01
Randy and Jason, our next question requires your expertise.
1
SPEAKER_01
Great.
1
SPEAKER_01
Lizzie in Seattle writes, I just had twin boys and I m wondering if you have any advice slash tips specifically on the social aspects of twin life.
1
SPEAKER_01
Like at birthdays, do you sing happy birthday to each of them or one combined song?
1
SPEAKER_01
What if kids want to hang out with one of them but not the other?
1
SPEAKER_01
I want to nurture their individuality, so I refuse to dress them in matching outfits, but maybe they might want to wear the same things too.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m guessing the answers to these questions will come naturally over time, but any thoughts are appreciated.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m dying.
1
SPEAKER_00
And this is so we have a lot to say on this, but I m also dying to hear what Tig, I mean, obviously, your kids don t look alike.
1
SPEAKER_00
So it s less of a story.
1
SPEAKER_01
We have fraternal twins.
1
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But even still, they re the same age.
1
SPEAKER_01
And they re going through the same stages and kind of their interests overlap a bit.
1
SPEAKER_00
And they re a group.
1
SPEAKER_00
They re a group.
1
SPEAKER_00
People ask you, how are the boys doing?
1
SPEAKER_00
How are they doing?
1
SPEAKER_00
How are they?
1
SPEAKER_00
They group them together naturally.
1
SPEAKER_00
It happens, I m sure.
1
SPEAKER_01
We don t dress them alike, but they do have some things that are similar pieces of clothing, and they will just accidentally pop up in similar outfits.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s funny, because people will say, oh, I love it.
1
SPEAKER_01
I love how they re dressed alike.
1
SPEAKER_01
And we re like, we didn t do that.
1
SPEAKER_01
That was completely accidental today.
1
SPEAKER_01
We do not dress them alike.
1
SPEAKER_01
We get them their own birthday cakes.
1
SPEAKER_01
We have them in different classes in school.
1
SPEAKER_01
We really want them to do their own things.
1
SPEAKER_00
First of all, you re doing it in our opinion, you re doing it exactly right.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like if Jay and I show up to a comedy clip, because obviously we re coming from different houses, and we re wearing something that is a similar color or in the same clothing genre, one of us has to go home or die.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, go.
1
SPEAKER_00
I mean, like, go away.
1
SPEAKER_00
Have you ever seen me on stage in a giant coat?
1
SPEAKER_00
Just know that I ended up wearing something similar to Randy, and we couldn t tolerate both wearing a flannel with the same check pattern.
1
SPEAKER_00
So one thing our parents did that I m going to give advice, and this sometimes isn t financially possible.
1
SPEAKER_00
So please let me begin by acknowledging that if there is a way to give each child their own room at some point in their lives, like certainly early on.
1
SPEAKER_00
What you are doing, knowingly or unknowingly, is giving them their own space so that they can retreat to their own space away from their brother or sister and have their own time so that when they come together, they choose to be together and there is that feeling that they always have an escape valve to have alone time.
1
SPEAKER_00
That was a major reason why Randy and I still choose to be involved in each other s lives at a very deep level, because all through growing up, we had our own space.
1
SPEAKER_00
Sometimes people are like, we have this little office that we don t use, but the twins will sleep in the bunk beds in the room.
1
SPEAKER_00
What I would say to that is, you don t need the office.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s more important that they have their own.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s a really good point, because you want your sons or daughters or son and daughter to depend on each other, but not be dependent on each other, to be individuals who can function on their own, but also know that this person has got your back no matter what.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_01
We just went through this when Max and Finn turned six.
1
SPEAKER_01
We gave them their own rooms.
1
SPEAKER_01
They were so excited and now still sleep in the same bed.
1
SPEAKER_01
We love it and we think it s the cutest thing and the funniest thing in the world Because it is what s great is they have their own things.
1
SPEAKER_01
They have their own room They have their own dressers with their own clothes and they go in and they spend time alone or together or whatever and they love it but at night they re like
1
SPEAKER_01
Do you wanna spend the night in my bed?
1
SPEAKER_01
Do you wanna come over to my room tonight?
1
SPEAKER_01
They have sleepovers in each other s rooms.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s just the cutest thing.
1
SPEAKER_00
I mean, you re teaching them how to be in a relationship too as well.
1
SPEAKER_00
Imagine you were in a relationship with someone and they re like, I wanna be with you all the time in every room that you re in all the day.
1
SPEAKER_00
Even if that s what you grew up with, that s an unsustainable thing.
1
SPEAKER_00
You need to have time on your own.
1
SPEAKER_00
You re teaching them it s okay to be on your own.
1
SPEAKER_00
The other person s not gonna be upset with you and that s okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s a wonderful lesson.
1
SPEAKER_00
I also like the notion that sometimes they are going to wear something that s similar and sometimes they won t.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s a nuanced thing where sometimes we come together and be exactly the same.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then sometimes we would be polar opposites.
1
SPEAKER_00
And really most of the life lives in the in-between.
1
SPEAKER_00
And as long as you acknowledge that it s this living thing that sometimes fits exactly what you expect twins to be and sometimes is
1
SPEAKER_00
where you re a nuanced version of each other, that to me is the best thing you can give your kids.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then listen to them, what they are telling you about their relationship.
1
SPEAKER_00
There s one thing that the person said, Lizzie, I believe, right?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
What happens if some kids wanna hang out with that one person, with one kid?
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, then you go off and do something with the other kid, or you make a hangout with the other kid with another friend, or you send them to different summer camps.
1
SPEAKER_00
Sleepaway summer camps for the summer where they can just be their own individual person out in this thing.
1
SPEAKER_00
Maybe they won t want to do it, but you try that.
1
SPEAKER_00
I would say if another kid wants to just hang out with one of your kids, my recommendation would be at least for the first few times to do that play date or hang at the other kid s house.
1
SPEAKER_00
So it s not like in your house where one kid s just in their room and two kids are playing.
1
SPEAKER_00
I would recommend that.
1
SPEAKER_00
But in general, like what Randy saying is, you know, you listen to your kids, you listen to what they re telling you that they want, and they need you just be dialed in.
1
SPEAKER_00
I mean, that s, that s kind of what it is.
1
SPEAKER_00
And you don t try to put on to them what you expect them to be.
1
SPEAKER_00
And, you know, I m sure people talk to your kids and say, who s the good one?
1
SPEAKER_00
Who s the evil one?
1
SPEAKER_00
Who s the this?
1
SPEAKER_00
We re all good.
1
SPEAKER_00
And we re all evil.
1
SPEAKER_00
We re all all of it.
1
SPEAKER_00
Everybody is everything.
1
SPEAKER_00
And
1
SPEAKER_00
I would argue that everything is everywhere all at once.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t know about that.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t know, but that s a good name for something.
1
SPEAKER_00
No, it s not.
1
SPEAKER_00
It ll never win any awards of any sort.
1
SPEAKER_00
But I do think there is that feeling that, yeah, you re great, and you re also great, and sometimes you re exactly the same, and sometimes you are nothing alike, and sometimes you re in the middle.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s cool.
1
SPEAKER_00
Lizzie, I m psyched for you.
1
SPEAKER_00
What a cool thing to embark upon.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s very exciting.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s very exciting.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I feel like I called in the experts here.
1
SPEAKER_00
I know.
1
SPEAKER_00
So you and us.
1
SPEAKER_01
Jason, Randy, before you go, and also I want to acknowledge and apologize for having you both on my podcast at one time.
1
SPEAKER_00
We love it.
1
SPEAKER_00
We actually like it.
1
SPEAKER_00
See?
1
SPEAKER_00
We re OK with it.
1
SPEAKER_01
All right.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, before you go, I need you to do one more thing.
1
SPEAKER_00
Sure.
1
SPEAKER_01
Which is to enter the confession booth.
1
SPEAKER_01
Welcome to the Confession Booth.
1
SPEAKER_01
The Don t Ask Tig Confession Booth requires listeners sharing secrets they ve never told anyone in order for us to give them the advice they re afraid to ask for.
1
SPEAKER_01
Today s confession was sent in by a person named Eve.
1
SPEAKER_01
Hi, Tig.
1
SPEAKER_01
I decided I would nap as much as possible with my dog, Beryl.
1
SPEAKER_01
I adopted him in 2018.
1
SPEAKER_01
The problem is my husband objects vehemently to having a dog sleep in our bed.
1
SPEAKER_01
So when my husband is at work, Beryl and I have the most fantastic naps together.
1
SPEAKER_01
I do not tell my husband.
1
SPEAKER_01
I wipe any fur off the bed when we get up.
1
SPEAKER_01
Do you advise I carry on?
1
SPEAKER_01
I have tried talking to my husband about it, but he still is opposed.
1
SPEAKER_00
I can talk to this, Jay, you don t have a dog, you can t speak to this.
1
SPEAKER_00
I had a dog, I know how to talk to a dog.
1
SPEAKER_00
There are amazing, amazing dog blankets that are huge that you can put over your bed that when it s time for your nappy time, it s time for you to jump into the barrel, so to speak, and get with the barrel and snuggle that dog.
1
SPEAKER_00
You do it on the blanket and then it s done.
1
SPEAKER_00
No forgets on the bed your husband s okay with it if you want to tell me about it you can if there s no for on the bed and he doesn t care about it as long as barrel knows at night when both people are in the bed, there was not allowed in there but during the day if you wanna nap with this dog you put a nice big dog blanket down and then nothing goes on that bed and it s totally cool maybe even take your husband s pillow off the bed be as respectful as you can.
1
SPEAKER_00
get to the root of why he doesn t like the dog on the bed, and what is the reason, and then do all the things necessary for you to still snuggle that dog, because you have to.
1
SPEAKER_01
If you re taking Beryl into the bed, whether it s top secret or, you know, out in the open for nap time, how the heck is Beryl gonna know that nighttime is off-limits when Daddy s home?
1
SPEAKER_01
I feel like you re gonna be given some mixed messages to this poor little pooch.
1
SPEAKER_00
What about on a couch?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I was gonna say, how about- Here s my question.
1
SPEAKER_00
Is there another bed?
1
SPEAKER_00
Is there another bed in the house that is not a marital bed?
1
SPEAKER_00
A conjugal bed.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m going to assume a round waterbed.
1
SPEAKER_01
And not fully full of water, where it sloshes around.
1
SPEAKER_00
Just half full.
1
SPEAKER_00
No, no.
1
SPEAKER_00
Is there another bed in your house, a guest room or something that can be your barrel nap bed?
1
SPEAKER_00
And you can say to your husband, look, I want you to know this thing.
1
SPEAKER_00
I got this really awesome dog blanket that scoops up all the hair and does its own thing.
1
SPEAKER_00
We re going to do this in another bed.
1
SPEAKER_00
I love this dog.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I think you can say in this day and age, you can say, and it resonates,
1
SPEAKER_00
my mental health and my happiness is there is something I get out of this experience with this dog.
1
SPEAKER_00
And if you want me to be a happy partner in the rest of my life, these little barrel naps, like they power me up, they charge me up, they make me feel good.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so I want to do them.
1
SPEAKER_00
I also want to respect you.
1
SPEAKER_00
We re meeting somewhere in the middle barrel and I have our bed over there.
1
SPEAKER_00
You and I have our bed over
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, don t just barrel through.
1
SPEAKER_01
I think you need to definitely have this conversation.
1
SPEAKER_01
But the other thing is, why does the dog always have to be in the human bed?
1
SPEAKER_01
Couldn t you get in Beryl s bed?
1
SPEAKER_00
You can get a big dog bed.
1
SPEAKER_01
Or, if you have the means, have a big Beryl dog bed made.
1
SPEAKER_00
First of all, you don t have to get a maid.
1
SPEAKER_00
I have a gigantic dog bed for our English Bulldog, who s 12.
1
SPEAKER_00
And it s big enough for me to get into.
1
SPEAKER_00
I have another idea.
1
SPEAKER_00
Air mattress.
1
SPEAKER_00
You can do that.
1
SPEAKER_00
Evidence gone.
1
SPEAKER_00
As soon as that dog starts to hear... Time to get up.
1
SPEAKER_00
The music, the lights go down low.
1
SPEAKER_00
You get on that bed with Beryl and anything can happen.
1
SPEAKER_01
This is a pretty, I would say, lightweight confession.
1
SPEAKER_01
But should we assign penance to Eve?
1
SPEAKER_00
No, no.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
I love that she s concerned about it.
1
SPEAKER_00
Tells me that she is, cares about her partner, loves her husband.
1
SPEAKER_00
She cares about her husband.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so there s concern.
1
SPEAKER_00
She wants, she doesn t want to disrespect him and she wants to figure out the right solution.
1
SPEAKER_00
So to me, her head s in the right place.
1
SPEAKER_00
If she was like this jerk,
1
SPEAKER_01
The dog s in the wrong place.
1
SPEAKER_00
You gotta move that barrel.
1
SPEAKER_01
Her heart is in the right place.
1
SPEAKER_00
Barrel s in the wrong place.
1
SPEAKER_00
Let s get barrel to the right place.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Jason and Randy, this was a joy to talk to you and see your mugs.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I really appreciate you taking the time to be here.
1
SPEAKER_00
We love you.
1
SPEAKER_00
We love you, Tig.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, I love both of you dearly.
1
SPEAKER_00
We love you, kiddo.
1
SPEAKER_01
Do you have anything that you would like to promote?
1
SPEAKER_00
Just you mentioned all the great things that we are excited about that we re doing.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then I would mention Dumb People Town, a legendary podcast that you have done many times, so many times that there, I ll say this to our fans and to people listening that our fans love it when we, a lot of times we talk about dumb stories that have happened in the world and we try and break them down and understand why these things happen.
1
SPEAKER_00
And sometimes you re guessing the age of the person who tried to rob a house with his cat.
1
SPEAKER_00
or the speed limit of the mom who was driving around town with an inflatable pool that wasn t tied onto her car with kids in it.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know, we try and guess those things, and so we put it to our guest to guess.
1
SPEAKER_00
We used to say, do you want to go first or last?
1
SPEAKER_00
And when Tig came on, she said, I want to go... I want to go in between you two.
1
SPEAKER_00
I want to go second.
1
SPEAKER_00
First, Tig, or third.
1
SPEAKER_00
So now we ask our guests, do you want to go first, Tig, or third?
1
SPEAKER_01
You still say that?
1
SPEAKER_00
Still.
1
SPEAKER_01
That is hilarious.
1
SPEAKER_00
We made shirts.
1
SPEAKER_00
We made shirts that said first TIG or third and people wear them to our show.
1
SPEAKER_01
How are you keeping this information from me?
1
SPEAKER_01
And how can we send people to buy my TIG merchandise through your website?
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_00
We got to figure that out.
1
SPEAKER_00
We ll get you cut.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, I would love to do the show again.
1
SPEAKER_01
And thank you.
1
SPEAKER_01
Thank you.
1
SPEAKER_01
Thank you again for being here.
1
SPEAKER_01
I really do enjoy you both so much and hope to see you in the flesh sooner than later.
1
SPEAKER_00
I love it.
1
SPEAKER_00
IRL in real life.
1
SPEAKER_00
Let s do it.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, my sweet child, there s so much I want you to know.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, my sweet child, there s so much I
1
SPEAKER_01
Don t Ask Tig is hosted by me, Tig Notaro.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s produced by Thomas Ouellette and Shana Deloria.
1
SPEAKER_01
Our executive producer and editor is Beth Perlman.
2
SPEAKER_01
and sound mixing by Alex Simpson.
2
SPEAKER_01
Digital production by James Napoli.
2
SPEAKER_01
Talent booking by Marianne Ways.
2
SPEAKER_01
Our theme music is Friend in Tig by Edie Burkell and Kyle Krushem.
2
SPEAKER_01
And Listen to Your Heart by Edie Burkell.
2
SPEAKER_01
Special thanks to Hunter Seidman.
2
SPEAKER_01
APM Studios executives in charge are Chandra Cavati, Alex Schaffert, and Joanne Griffith.
2
SPEAKER_01
Concept developed by Tracy Mumford.
2
SPEAKER_01
Our executive consultant is Dean Capello and Gobsmack Studios.
2
SPEAKER_01
You can always ask for advice at DontAskTIG.org.
2
SPEAKER_01
Just write in with your problem or send us a voice memo.
2
SPEAKER_01
Remember to follow us on social media at DontAskTIG.
2
SPEAKER_01
Don t Ask Tig is a production of American Public Media.
2
SPEAKER_01
And as always, thanks, Dana.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I ll tell Becky.
2
SPEAKER_01
Hi, I m stand-up comedian and sex symbol Tig Notaro.
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And I m actor and writer Cheryl Hines.
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Before Cheryl and I got into the big business of podcasting together, we were just simply friends.
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And we re still friends.
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But now we talk about a different documentary every week on our podcast, Tig and Cheryl, True Story.
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So whether you love documentaries or just want to hear us slowly lose our minds, check out Tig and Cheryl, True Story, wherever you get your podcasts.
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Alright, cool.