0
SPEAKER_01
So Merry Christmas.
0
SPEAKER_01
Merry Christmas.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m torn about this because Dax and I recorded a fact check and my inclination always, my niece is just eating candy next to me.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God.
0
SPEAKER_01
She is just like you.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_02
Bye.
0
SPEAKER_02
She s so cute.
0
SPEAKER_02
She looks so old.
0
SPEAKER_02
She does.
0
SPEAKER_02
She looks like, I mean, a full teenager.
0
SPEAKER_02
How old is she?
0
SPEAKER_02
She s 10.
0
SPEAKER_02
She s turning 11.
0
SPEAKER_02
She s turning 11 on the 2nd of February.
0
SPEAKER_02
So she s turning 1-1 on 2-2.
0
SPEAKER_02
That s good luck.
0
SPEAKER_02
It is.
0
SPEAKER_02
I m excited for that year for her.
0
SPEAKER_02
I think 2024 is going to be her year.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh, I love this.
0
SPEAKER_01
Well, one of many years, because that s still young for it to be her year.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s true.
0
SPEAKER_02
But if it s your year when you re 11, you re pretty set.
0
SPEAKER_01
Well, that s true because that s like peak.
0
SPEAKER_02
What year is that?
0
SPEAKER_02
Sixth grade?
0
SPEAKER_02
She s going into fifth grade.
0
SPEAKER_02
Oh.
0
SPEAKER_02
She s going into sixth grade.
0
SPEAKER_02
Now you re right.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_02
So it s major.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
Middle school coolness is mage.
0
SPEAKER_01
If you hit before sixth grade though, it s a waste.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s true.
0
SPEAKER_00
Like we talk about people who peak in high school being like, but if you peak before sixth grade, that s like a whole other level.
0
SPEAKER_02
I mean, maybe because you peaked so early, you can peak again.
0
SPEAKER_02
Well, that s the hope.
0
SPEAKER_02
I mean, let s hope that we can have multiple peaks.
0
SPEAKER_02
Is that in the sixth grade?
0
SPEAKER_02
Is that when you started your ad binder?
0
SPEAKER_02
Oh my God.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_01
I feel like we have talked about it on this show before, the collection of Got Milk ads.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yes, but I d never seen it.
0
SPEAKER_02
And so now that you text me some of these images, it just floods back.
0
SPEAKER_02
core memories, like got milk ads for kids in the 90s.
0
SPEAKER_02
If you re a millennial, I don t know who came, we should, I mean, probably.
0
SPEAKER_01
No, my brother was asking this.
0
SPEAKER_01
He said, who did this?
0
SPEAKER_01
And it was, it was like the milk industry.
0
SPEAKER_02
Oh, for sure.
0
SPEAKER_02
The milk lobby is like the most powerful.
0
SPEAKER_01
I think they should do it again because milk needs a resurgence.
0
SPEAKER_01
It needs a rebrand.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I kind of think it is having a rebrand.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like everyone was against whole milk and now people are back into whole milk, including me.
0
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_02
I ve been noticing that too.
0
SPEAKER_02
I ve been noticing obviously with you.
0
SPEAKER_02
Oh my God.
0
SPEAKER_02
It s 1111.
0
SPEAKER_02
Oh my God.
0
SPEAKER_02
I know.
0
SPEAKER_02
Wait, this keeps happening to me.
0
SPEAKER_02
Me too.
0
SPEAKER_01
Me too.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_01
Me too.
0
SPEAKER_01
Wait, let s stop.
0
SPEAKER_01
We got to make our wishes in our head.
0
SPEAKER_01
Now, do you ask for one wish, or do you try to compile a bunch into what you can in that minute?
0
SPEAKER_02
I have one main one, and then I threw in, like, another one.
0
SPEAKER_02
An extra.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, but then I circled back to the first.
0
SPEAKER_02
I was like, but this one, like, I know I m asking for a lot.
0
SPEAKER_02
You have guilt around it.
0
SPEAKER_02
Well, because I know I m breaking the rules.
0
SPEAKER_02
Right.
0
SPEAKER_02
I m supposed to do one.
0
SPEAKER_01
I really want you to tell me what your wish is, but I also know that we re not allowed to do that.
0
SPEAKER_02
Well, no, because they won t come true.
0
SPEAKER_02
Exactly.
0
SPEAKER_01
Did you bundle your wishes?
0
SPEAKER_01
I started to add another one, but I did feel bad, so I stopped.
0
SPEAKER_01
Because, yeah, my original wish is a big wish.
0
SPEAKER_01
O.W.
0
SPEAKER_02
Only my original therapist knows about my original wish.
0
SPEAKER_02
Exactly.
0
SPEAKER_02
Wait, why do you think there s so much of that happening right now for us?
0
SPEAKER_02
Because it s been wild for me.
0
SPEAKER_02
It s been almost like, okay.
0
SPEAKER_01
Well, also, do you think part of it, I don t want to look too deep into this because I love the magic, but it could be that because it s happened so many times, our brain is programmed to know to look, but I still think it s magic.
0
SPEAKER_01
And one of my favorite things is when
0
SPEAKER_01
all of our shows have some sort of synchronicity.
0
SPEAKER_01
And on the fact check for Monday, it was for Taraji P. Henson, and she always sees 1010.
0
SPEAKER_01
And so she talks about that.
0
SPEAKER_01
And so I looked up in the fact check some numerology stuff and what these numbers mean.
0
SPEAKER_01
And these are all angel numbers.
0
SPEAKER_01
People are looking out for us.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I forget the specifics, but these are going to come true.
0
SPEAKER_02
I recently saw, I think it was Huberman, talking about whether he believes in God.
0
SPEAKER_02
But the point he was making was just, if you ve studied the brain, if you ve studied science to any extent, you can t help but believe that there is something else.
0
SPEAKER_02
a creator of sorts because of the perfection of the systems and just the human body itself.
0
SPEAKER_02
Oh my God, I know.
0
SPEAKER_02
Is a miracle.
0
SPEAKER_02
Billions of cells just obsessed with you, like trying to heal you all the time, constantly without you even knowing and doing anything.
0
SPEAKER_02
And again, the power of coincidences.
0
SPEAKER_02
I just think, yeah.
0
SPEAKER_02
So you believe in God now?
0
SPEAKER_02
Well, because of Huberman.
0
SPEAKER_02
Well, because of Huberman, I have to believe anything he says.
0
SPEAKER_02
Well, being part of a 12-step program, you don t have a choice.
0
SPEAKER_01
Believing in something bigger than you does not necessarily mean believing in God.
0
SPEAKER_02
That s true.
0
SPEAKER_02
But even that, to me, was silly.
0
SPEAKER_02
Like, I really was raised without any religion, and that was a really hard step for me.
0
SPEAKER_02
And it s a hard step for a lot of people.
0
SPEAKER_02
And because it s such an early step, I always feel like it s important to tell people, like, keep going.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, there are workarounds for that.
0
SPEAKER_01
Dax doesn t believe in God.
0
SPEAKER_02
Remember my Uber driver from Coachella, who was my spiritual guide?
0
SPEAKER_02
God.
0
SPEAKER_02
I had a really important conversation with him about how I would pray to God.
0
SPEAKER_02
Because when I was little, I was sick.
0
SPEAKER_02
I had a lot of stomach issues.
0
SPEAKER_02
And I would write these letters to God to like heal me and like, please, by the time it s my birthday, like so that I can eat cake and it would never come true.
0
SPEAKER_02
And so I felt very let down.
0
SPEAKER_02
And he told me like, you thought you were in charge, but your job was not to ask God what you wanted.
0
SPEAKER_02
It was to let him do what he needed to do.
0
SPEAKER_02
And that like,
0
SPEAKER_02
Okay, why are you eye rolling?
0
SPEAKER_02
That s powerful, isn t it?
0
SPEAKER_02
That was powerful for me.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m glad it was powerful for you.
0
SPEAKER_01
Truly I am because whatever works for people is beautiful.
0
SPEAKER_01
I want everyone to believe what they believe as long as it doesn t hurt other people slash they re forcing other people to believe what they believe.
0
SPEAKER_01
But I just, first of all, this is an Uber driver that you hired to drive you from Coachella home.
0
SPEAKER_01
He fell in love with you and you couldn t even tell that he was falling in love with you until after you told me this story.
0
SPEAKER_01
And he almost was a predator to you.
0
SPEAKER_01
No.
0
SPEAKER_01
A little bit.
0
SPEAKER_02
He read me a poem, but that was not- That s predatorial in my head.
0
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_02
So just for context, it was a group of us.
0
SPEAKER_02
And I did feel like he was attached to us as a group and not to me individually, but I m the one he read the poem to.
0
SPEAKER_02
And that s when I was like, oh, maybe, you know, things have gone too far.
0
SPEAKER_02
I know.
0
SPEAKER_02
But he was really-
0
SPEAKER_02
I didn t give him my phone number.
0
SPEAKER_02
I actually, in the grand scheme of things, I do have his shared note where he talks about how we were family to him.
0
SPEAKER_02
Oh!
0
SPEAKER_02
Remember I read it to you.
0
SPEAKER_01
Should I read it?
0
SPEAKER_01
I want to hear it again because I sort of forget.
0
SPEAKER_01
We re obviously not gonna ever say this person s name.
0
SPEAKER_01
He sounds lovely.
0
SPEAKER_01
I just feel some sadness.
0
SPEAKER_02
He came from a broken home and how we met him was that we were just not prepared for Coachella and like it was our first time and so we couldn t find a car.
0
SPEAKER_02
We couldn t find anyone to pick us up and he just like agreed to do it and then was like, take my phone number because this is really tricky.
0
SPEAKER_02
I m happy to come and get you guys when you need it.
0
SPEAKER_02
And he was doing that with a bunch of groups.
0
SPEAKER_02
It s a way to make money, you know.
0
SPEAKER_02
But yes, we would have long conversations.
0
SPEAKER_02
And then he read me this poem.
0
SPEAKER_02
It s called Family.
0
SPEAKER_02
Family isn t defined only by blood.
0
SPEAKER_02
It is defined by those that love us and ride with us in a time of need and in a time of rise, and rise is all caps.
0
SPEAKER_02
Family, now all caps, is defined by our action, not by the words that we speak.
0
SPEAKER_02
Live life as it s meant to be with.
0
SPEAKER_02
Love and joy, all caps.
0
SPEAKER_02
Treat all as if they are family, all caps, and water the seeds of your surroundings so that they grow with you, not away from you.
0
SPEAKER_01
Your face.
0
SPEAKER_01
I think it s beautiful.
0
SPEAKER_01
My best self loves this.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m not my best self.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m at my parents  house.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s just the way it is.
0
SPEAKER_00
But what would you do if you had an Uber driver that read you that poem?
0
SPEAKER_00
How would you react?
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay, haven t you...
0
SPEAKER_01
I wouldn t have learned anything by now.
0
SPEAKER_01
I would never get myself in this position because what happened is somehow you told him about your stomach issues as a child that then led to you writing letters to God that led him to say this.
0
SPEAKER_01
And so, you know, he felt like this is a lost soul.
0
SPEAKER_01
not lost, but he knew you were searching.
0
SPEAKER_01
You were so close to believing and he wanted to get you through the finish line.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I am just not talking to my Uber driver about my stomach issues as a child and my notes to God.
0
SPEAKER_01
It was a deeper conversation.
1
SPEAKER_00
than I ve had with a lot of people.
1
SPEAKER_00
And that can happen with strangers because, again, they don t know you.
1
SPEAKER_00
So you can kind of share things that, you know, you re never going to see this person again.
1
SPEAKER_00
So have you ever had like a defining experience with a stranger?
1
SPEAKER_01
That s a great question.
1
SPEAKER_01
Nothing that s coming to mind that s not just like an act of kindness or something.
1
SPEAKER_01
Like I ve never had a deep
1
SPEAKER_01
conversation.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, that s not true.
1
SPEAKER_01
One time I was in New York and I do a lot of meals by myself.
1
SPEAKER_01
So I ve had actually many conversations with strangers while I m eating at the bar by myself, because people don t always respect that you don t want to talk and you re just there to eat your food and enjoy your solitude.
1
SPEAKER_01
I do think people think if you re at the bar, you re there to talk.
1
SPEAKER_00
Especially if you re a woman, I feel that it s like, come and hit on me.
1
SPEAKER_01
I know, but the problem is in New York, they don t want you to sit at a table if you re solo.
1
SPEAKER_01
They don t want you to take up a table.
1
SPEAKER_01
They kind of won t let you if you re alone.
1
SPEAKER_01
They re like, go sit at the bar, unless you make a reservation or something.
1
SPEAKER_01
So you get kind of forced into a situation in New York where you have to talk to strangers.
1
SPEAKER_01
So I ve had some nice meals next to people and it s been lovely, but I more leave and think, huh.
1
SPEAKER_01
Life is so interesting.
1
SPEAKER_01
There are just so many of us walking through this world.
1
SPEAKER_01
They re at the center of their own lives, just like I am, you know, and what s it like to be somebody else?
1
SPEAKER_01
I just find it more psychologically fascinating, but I ve never left with any spiritual revelations.
1
SPEAKER_00
My nightmare is to have small talk.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, same.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so I think that that s why I can go deeper.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s more appealing to me.
1
SPEAKER_00
And especially, okay, if it s men, it s not that I m treating them like a focus group, but I m always interested in men and their experience of masculinity.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I think that s what also happened with this guy.
1
SPEAKER_00
And for many men, they ve never had some of these conversations about when they knew they were a man and what s their relationship with their dad.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God, you re asking strangers this?
1
SPEAKER_01
I m a journalist.
1
SPEAKER_01
I know.
1
SPEAKER_01
I know.
1
SPEAKER_01
I know.
1
SPEAKER_01
It is who you are.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t, but I don t do it all the time.
1
SPEAKER_00
Most of the time I get an Uber and I have my headphones on.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, I don t want to have like a deep conversation.
1
SPEAKER_00
But when it does happen, to your point, you re just like, wow, there s so many of us.
1
SPEAKER_00
All of us are so complicated.
1
SPEAKER_01
It opens your world in a really cool way.
1
SPEAKER_01
I agree.
1
SPEAKER_01
I want to say that a New Year s resolution is for me to do more of that, but it s not because I don t.
1
SPEAKER_00
I mean, you don t have to add that to your plate.
1
SPEAKER_01
Do you have resolutions that you ve thought about?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_01
My main one for the year is that I have to read or write every day.
1
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
1
SPEAKER_01
I love that.
1
SPEAKER_01
And so I m really excited.
1
SPEAKER_01
I started a book while I m here.
1
SPEAKER_01
I have to finish this book by the time I get home unless there s a small chance, probably not, but there s a small chance I might come home early because my mom and brother are sick and they re testing for COVID right now.
1
SPEAKER_01
And if they have COVID, I m going to come home.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh no, I m sorry.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
Everyone s so sick.
1
SPEAKER_01
I know, but we got through Christmas, you know, whatever.
1
SPEAKER_01
But they might not have it, so it s fine.
1
SPEAKER_01
Anywho, so I m reading this book, very popular book, Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow.
1
SPEAKER_01
Have you heard of it?
1
SPEAKER_00
I have not.
1
SPEAKER_00
Tell me about it.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s fiction.
1
SPEAKER_01
It just follows these two kids into adulthood who start gaming together and creating games.
1
SPEAKER_01
But it s more a story of their relationship.
1
SPEAKER_01
And it s so good.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s so beautiful.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m about 130 pages in.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I wrote a couple of days ago and it was just like, I need to add these things back in.
1
SPEAKER_01
I have to.
1
SPEAKER_01
So read or write every day.
1
SPEAKER_00
I love this.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think that s such a great habit.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I love that it s read or write.
1
SPEAKER_00
And reading is such an important part of writing.
1
SPEAKER_00
Sometimes you really forget.
1
SPEAKER_00
I remember taking this workshop from this SNL writer, and his routine was like, I read for 30 minutes every day, and then I write.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I thought, oh, that s interesting.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, you don t start the day being like, I gotta pound out a certain amount of words.
1
SPEAKER_00
Actually, reading is part of the whole endeavors.
1
SPEAKER_00
I love that.
1
SPEAKER_00
You re such a voracious reader.
1
SPEAKER_00
You read a lot.
1
SPEAKER_01
I used to be.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m not anymore, which is why I really, I miss it.
1
SPEAKER_01
And when I m really into a book like now, the problem is, and this is like such a stupid excuse, but it is what happens.
1
SPEAKER_01
I start reading and I think I really don t have time to be doing this.
1
SPEAKER_01
Like I need to be editing or I need to be working or drinking wine.
1
SPEAKER_01
Like these are the options.
1
SPEAKER_01
You don t need to be working or at the wine bar or both.
1
SPEAKER_01
So I m making it a resolution almost so that I don t have that excuse anymore.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s like, no, you actually have to.
1
SPEAKER_01
This is a new thing you have to do, almost like work in some ways, because I miss it.
1
SPEAKER_01
I miss reading.
1
SPEAKER_01
I love reading.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s so special.
1
SPEAKER_01
Books are
1
SPEAKER_01
So magical.
1
SPEAKER_01
I mean, when you talk about, when we talk about like talking to strangers, that s sort of, that s how I feel when I read a book, like I m learning about a new person, a stranger.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m getting to understand their world in such specificity.
1
SPEAKER_01
I just love it.
1
SPEAKER_00
I feel like what you just said, you know, I used to read so much.
1
SPEAKER_00
I hear that all the time and I feel that way about me too.
1
SPEAKER_00
And talking to my sister and my friends here in Montreal, my best friend Kat was like, I had to come up with a hobby that wasn t related to a screen because she was just feeling like it s just your default.
1
SPEAKER_00
You re either working on a screen or you re watching TV or watching stuff on social media to like take your mind off the screen that s the work screen.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s my kind of resolution.
1
SPEAKER_00
I was like, I need a hobby.
1
SPEAKER_00
I need to be bad at something for the whole year.
1
SPEAKER_01
I love this.
1
SPEAKER_01
What are you tossing around?
1
SPEAKER_01
I m tossing around playing guitar because I used to play guitar.
1
SPEAKER_01
Are you going to play guitar at us like Ken?
1
SPEAKER_01
Exactly.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s something that I can do that I have kind of a base in and that I know I enjoy, but I really stopped doing like entirely.
1
SPEAKER_00
When did you do it?
1
SPEAKER_00
I did it when I was in Cégep, which is like pre-university in Quebec.
1
SPEAKER_00
So like 18.
1
SPEAKER_00
I played kind of for myself, you know, for years, but I didn t get really great at it.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m okay at it.
1
SPEAKER_00
I can do like simple stuff, but I should be able to like play more things.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s fun.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
Look at us playing guitar and reading.
1
SPEAKER_00
I mean, going back to the 80s, like, right?
1
SPEAKER_00
Or, you know, 90s, I know very few people who don t struggle with the amount of time that they re on a screen, particularly on the weekends.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, I just watch TV and like, or I ll just be on a screen and I m like, the weekend goes by and I don t feel good.
1
SPEAKER_00
Right?
1
SPEAKER_00
So something that s still relaxing, that s still not work, that I can do not on a freaking screen.
1
SPEAKER_01
Back to basics.
1
SPEAKER_00
to basics.
1
SPEAKER_00
Wait, that s it.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think that should be the theme.
1
SPEAKER_00
I love this a lot.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think it s also going to be a major trend overall.
1
SPEAKER_00
Young people particularly, we ve talked about this, right?
1
SPEAKER_00
Like our generation s pretty lucky that we do know what it was like before the internet.
1
SPEAKER_01
We straddled the internet.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yes, but there are kids who literally were born into all of this who kind of want out, or it s a luxury to be sort of out of it.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, back to basics.
1
SPEAKER_00
Your prediction is a good one.
1
SPEAKER_00
B to B. Okay.
1
SPEAKER_01
Speaking of 90s, got milk ads.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, yes.
1
SPEAKER_01
Me and you talked about this a while ago, how I collected these and then you were asking which ones I had.
1
SPEAKER_01
And it made me feel very itchy that I needed to find these.
1
SPEAKER_01
I was like, I know they still exist.
1
SPEAKER_01
Where are they?
1
SPEAKER_01
So I came downstairs to this basement and it s a...
1
SPEAKER_01
fucking disaster down.
1
SPEAKER_01
Like my mom had just like, she just, in her defense, she didn t want to throw anything away.
1
SPEAKER_01
Cause she probably assumed I would be so mad at her, which I would.
1
SPEAKER_01
If she threw anything away and then I was like, where s this?
1
SPEAKER_01
And she s like, I threw it away.
1
SPEAKER_01
I d be like, you re dead to me.
1
SPEAKER_01
So she just threw everything in these bags and half broken boxes.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s a disaster.
1
SPEAKER_01
So I was looking through, there s like a not open full pack of Band-Aids.
1
SPEAKER_01
Like why?
1
SPEAKER_01
It felt very hoardery.
1
SPEAKER_00
It feels like a— What s that called?
1
SPEAKER_00
Like a box from the past.
1
SPEAKER_00
Time capsule?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it feels like a time capsule.
1
SPEAKER_01
It kind of is.
1
SPEAKER_01
Although, do you want to hear something that s very, very sweet?
1
SPEAKER_01
Always.
1
SPEAKER_01
When I was in— God, it must have been middle school.
1
SPEAKER_01
We had a project and I couldn t remember exactly what the project was, but I remember we had a project and we had to talk to someone older than us in our lives or not.
1
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_01
And like learn about their life.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I remember I did this with my grandpa.
1
SPEAKER_01
And so now, which I guess updates for people because I m sure they re wondering, or maybe they re not, I don t know, but he s still with us.
1
SPEAKER_01
He s hanging on.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s up and down, you know, it s all very precarious and everyone s sort of coming to peace with it.
1
SPEAKER_01
But when I, when I came back from this last trip, when I saw him, I remembered that project and I felt very nostalgic for it and was like, oh man, I wish I could.
1
SPEAKER_01
Find that like what did he say?
1
SPEAKER_01
And so when I was in the basement I was looking for these got milk ads blue binder and it was right on top.
1
SPEAKER_01
No way the essay Yeah, it really took me aback.
1
SPEAKER_01
These are the moments where I m like, well, yeah, there s definitely something
2
SPEAKER_01
else.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like there s no way.
2
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
2
SPEAKER_01
And what did you, what did it say?
2
SPEAKER_01
It was really short.
2
SPEAKER_01
I feel like I remembered it being so long.
2
SPEAKER_01
It was, and it was a review of it.
2
SPEAKER_01
So I wonder if what the assignment was, was to come into class and talk about it.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then we had to do a small little written piece.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like a reporting back.
2
SPEAKER_01
Sort of.
2
SPEAKER_01
So the piece I found is small, but it was sweet.
2
SPEAKER_01
You know, it said something about his eyes lit up when he talked about India s independence.
2
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
2
SPEAKER_01
I was very colorful in my writing.
2
SPEAKER_01
Anyway, but it was just that I had thought about it and then it was there for me at this time that felt very special to have.
2
SPEAKER_00
I have chills.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s incredible.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s really nice.
2
SPEAKER_01
Synced is supported by rocket money.
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t know about you, but I have such a problem with repeating subscriptions to things because I can t find the password or I can t get in.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then I just start a new one and I have multiple subscriptions for the same thing and I m wasting so much money.
2
SPEAKER_00
This is the bane of my existence.
2
SPEAKER_00
It keeps me up at— I swear to God, like, I ll be having the worst day ever, and then they ll be like, $11.99 will be taken out for subscription that I don t even, like, know what it is for, and it ll just ruin my whole day.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m with you.
2
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I m like, how— Why is this $13.99 gone four times?
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Rocket money is a personal finance app that binds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions.
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It monitors your spending and it helps lower your bills.
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It s a win-win and it has over 5 million users and has helped save its members an average of $720 a year with over 500 million in canceled subscriptions.
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I mean, incredible.
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So stop wasting money on things you don t use.
2
SPEAKER_00
Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocket money.com slash sync.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s rocket money.com slash sync rocket money.com slash sync.
2
SPEAKER_01
This show is sponsored by better help.
2
SPEAKER_01
We were just talking about this.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m home right now at my parents  house.
2
SPEAKER_01
And it is crucial that I have a therapy session when I am here.
2
SPEAKER_01
And it s so funny because my therapist was saying, you have no idea how many extra sessions get booked.
2
SPEAKER_01
over the holidays.
2
SPEAKER_01
BetterHelp is so awesome because it s entirely online and it s convenient and flexible and suited to your schedule.
2
SPEAKER_01
And you can just fill out a really easy brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist.
2
SPEAKER_01
And you can switch therapists and that s for no additional charge, which is awesome.
2
SPEAKER_01
And that s really important.
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, our show s sponsored by therapy.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like our show is, it s like, it s the base.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s a back to basics.
2
SPEAKER_01
It is what this show is about.
2
SPEAKER_01
So I really, really, really hope that all of our listeners have sort of taken from that and have been able to apply some of that to their real life.
2
SPEAKER_01
And if you haven t, BetterHelp is the place.
2
SPEAKER_00
Celebrate the progress you ve already made.
2
SPEAKER_00
Visit betterhelp.com slash synced today to get 10% off your first month.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s betterhelp, H-E-L-P.com slash S-Y-N-C-E-D.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay, and then I found some Mary-Kate and Ashley stuff, which was exciting.
2
SPEAKER_01
I posted about that on Instagram.
2
SPEAKER_01
How did that feel?
2
SPEAKER_01
It felt like the world is exactly as it should be.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like I ve been a fan since day one, OF, original fan.
2
SPEAKER_01
So anyway, I m scouring this decrepit hoarder s basement, can t find anything.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then I go upstairs and I had these memory boxes that are like organized and stuff, but I thought there s no way it could be in there.
2
SPEAKER_01
And of course it was in there.
2
SPEAKER_01
because I knew my future self would need to have this.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m bringing it back home to us, but I had so many good ones and they re in these clear plastic.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, they re very well taken care of.
2
SPEAKER_00
You put a lot of care into it, knowing that at 36, you would really need it.
2
SPEAKER_01
I know.
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, that is probably something I said at the time, like, I m going to really want this.
2
SPEAKER_01
This is worth something.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m sure I said that.
2
SPEAKER_01
And look, I was right.
2
SPEAKER_01
You were.
2
SPEAKER_01
Everyone doubted me.
2
SPEAKER_00
Those probably are worth something.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like, they re maybe not Beanie Baby level, but, like, close.
2
SPEAKER_01
Speaking of, I found some other Beanie Babies.
2
SPEAKER_01
I found one that s called Valentino.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s a bear with a heart.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, a Valentine s Day bear.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_01
I wonder if that s worth anything.
2
SPEAKER_01
It also doesn t have its stupid tag.
2
SPEAKER_01
What?
2
SPEAKER_01
I know.
2
SPEAKER_01
Your mom took it off?
2
SPEAKER_00
You took it off?
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
2
SPEAKER_01
Thank God.
2
SPEAKER_01
Why did the tag matter that much, though?
2
SPEAKER_01
It s huge.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s literally everything.
2
SPEAKER_01
Without it, it means nothing.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, useless.
2
SPEAKER_01
Anyway, the first ad is a Jennifer Aniston-Lisa Kudrow.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s perfect.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s season three Friends, our favorite season.
2
SPEAKER_00
The best one.
2
SPEAKER_00
Peak.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I feel like I want to frame it.
2
SPEAKER_00
You should.
2
SPEAKER_00
They re amazing.
2
SPEAKER_00
I have a vague recollection of doing an oral presentation about the Got Milk ads.
2
SPEAKER_00
Wait, what?
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, like it s all coming back to me.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I remember one specific one that I decided to use was kind of like, I remember some controversy.
2
SPEAKER_00
I think it was probably Ella McPherson or like it was a very thin model and she was blonde.
2
SPEAKER_01
Was she pregnant?
2
SPEAKER_01
I think I have that one.
2
SPEAKER_00
She wasn t pregnant.
2
SPEAKER_00
It was like an overtly kind of sexual.
2
SPEAKER_00
They re all a little sexual.
2
SPEAKER_00
They all had a little bit of an overtone, but she was like in a bikini and she was very thin.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I remember doing a presentation about it and then getting mixed reviews from my teacher.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like, they were like, yeah, it s a good ad, but it could increase eating disorders or something like that.
2
SPEAKER_00
She was kind of ahead of her time.
2
SPEAKER_00
She was.
2
SPEAKER_00
Pointing out the objectification of women.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yes, that s great.
2
SPEAKER_00
So, I remember then feeling confused about how I felt about it because, again, I really loved the ad and probably also had the hots for her and wanted to be her.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s what I was going to ask.
2
SPEAKER_00
Did you like her?
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, probably.
2
SPEAKER_00
Just to think of, like, a young girl being like, this is such a great ad.
2
SPEAKER_00
And, like, the teacher s like, that s for boys to, like, gawk at.
2
SPEAKER_01
No, but it is that confusing piece of girls had pictures of models on their fridge as like, I want to be that.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s my goal.
2
SPEAKER_00
But she didn t have short legs, so she probably wouldn t have been your.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, she would have.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I just would have continued to hate myself because I was like, oh, I ll never be that.
2
SPEAKER_01
unless I get leg extension surgery, which happened to a guest of ours brother and he died.
2
SPEAKER_01
And it s so sad.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it s so upsetting actually.
2
SPEAKER_01
I know I took a turn.
2
SPEAKER_01
No, it was really sad.
2
SPEAKER_00
I think my TikTok thinks I m a man.
2
SPEAKER_00
Cause I look at a lot of dad content and like masculinity stuff.
2
SPEAKER_00
And it showed me an ad, like, do you want to be taller?
2
SPEAKER_00
click here kind of thing.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yes, oh my God.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, and I was shocked.
2
SPEAKER_00
I was like, wow, this is awful that they re pushing this to people.
2
SPEAKER_01
It probably thinks you re, oh, I probably shouldn t say that, Asian, because Asian men are shorter.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, oh, oh, he thinks I m an Asian man.
2
SPEAKER_01
So this boy was Indian, and I guess he must ve been short, like many Indian men are.
2
SPEAKER_01
The white ideal, of course, is to be a tall man.
2
SPEAKER_01
It thinks you re a short man.
2
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
2
SPEAKER_00
Short king.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, my algorithm thinks I m a short Asian king.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_00
Lately, there s been a lot of men who are, it s not called high heels, but basically they re wearing high heels.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like Ron DeSantis, famously with his cowboy boots, like is way taller in his campaign events when he s wearing those little boots.
2
SPEAKER_00
And a lot of men will wear them, it s like a heel inside the shoe.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s like a new kind of thing.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, Tom Cruise famously does this.
2
SPEAKER_01
Which I think it s like, do it.
2
SPEAKER_01
No, I think it s fine to do it if you want to do it.
2
SPEAKER_01
But I, it makes me sad that they re doing it because the reason behind it is again, this patriarchal ideal that tall, powerful men run the world, which they do.
2
SPEAKER_01
And so that s why they re trying to do it.
2
SPEAKER_01
They re trying to be something they re not.
2
SPEAKER_01
And that, that makes me very sad.
2
SPEAKER_01
If they just enjoy feeling tall, great.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, I guess women can, but yeah, it s different.
2
SPEAKER_00
Women wear high heels to be like sexy, right?
2
SPEAKER_00
Or to be pretty.
2
SPEAKER_00
And men, it s like, people will take me seriously and I ll get elected.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay, but if you went on a date with a guy and you really like him, and then like a few dates in, he stops, he wears like different shoes and you realize that he s like shorter, how would you feel about it?
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, I would be happy that he decided to take off the platforms.
2
SPEAKER_00
But would you feel betrayed a bit?
2
SPEAKER_00
No.
2
SPEAKER_01
I would feel like, God, this world is awful that you felt you had to do that.
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, also these shoes don t give you like a foot.
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, they give you a couple inches.
2
SPEAKER_01
So it s not like it would be such a massive, like all of a sudden he s like at my shoulders.
2
SPEAKER_01
Although what would happen if that happened?
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_01
You re little.
2
SPEAKER_01
I am.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m five feet and a half inch.
2
SPEAKER_00
you ve probably never been on a date with a guy that s shorter than you or like your height.
2
SPEAKER_00
But for me, a few inches matter because
3
SPEAKER_01
Guys lie about their height.
3
SPEAKER_00
Because of this, though.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
3
SPEAKER_00
I have so much empathy for it, and I wish it didn t matter.
3
SPEAKER_00
But for tall women, a few inches can make a difference, that s all I m going to say.
3
SPEAKER_00
Right.
3
SPEAKER_01
But it s like men are fudging their height like women fudge their weight.
3
SPEAKER_01
Totally.
3
SPEAKER_01
And it s all so fucking sad.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s just sad.
3
SPEAKER_01
These ideals, we are lying about ourselves at all times is so upsetting.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s so silly.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I don t think people realize that they re doing it.
3
SPEAKER_00
Do you think there is a height or an ideal weight or does everyone just add a little, do men just add like one or two inches and do women just like take off one or two pounds?
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, yeah, because I don t, I think people are smart enough to know you can t have a crazy lie.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like you can t say, I can t say I m five, eight.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s outrageous.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, but if I said I m five to that could potentially fly.
3
SPEAKER_00
Right.
3
SPEAKER_01
I think it s just, so you add a little bit or subtract a little bit where you re still in the zone of reality.
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, did I tell you there s a study that men are more likely to lie about their height if they ve been told that they were like below average in a hand grip study?
3
SPEAKER_00
Like if they were told that they weren t as strong as the average guy, they were more likely to lie about their height.
3
SPEAKER_00
To like a scientist in a lab coat, you know, like a verifiable like fact, you know, it s not just in the street.
3
SPEAKER_00
But again, I think it s subconscious.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t think those guys knew.
3
SPEAKER_01
But also we have to sort of take some responsibility for this because even you saying inches make a difference.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like you re tall and so it makes a difference for that s where a lot of this comes from is are they going to be attractive to women?
3
SPEAKER_01
Ugh, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
I like, I really am into this era of the short king because we got to get on board, you know?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
3
SPEAKER_00
And okay, my niece is in here.
3
SPEAKER_00
Can you hear it?
3
SPEAKER_00
The shuffling?
3
SPEAKER_00
No, I was just going to say something.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m glad you stopped.
3
SPEAKER_01
Is she still in there?
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay, she s gone.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay, I have something to bring up.
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, we have a couple things, okay?
3
SPEAKER_01
We have three things.
3
SPEAKER_01
We have to talk about the fart event.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
I had a knife event.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yes, I thought you had another one.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay, the one.
3
SPEAKER_01
The one.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I hate to start the year with this kind of crass conversation.
3
SPEAKER_01
Let s go.
3
SPEAKER_01
I do want to know, I m curious.
3
SPEAKER_01
When you go home, do you bring your vibrator?
3
SPEAKER_00
I m so glad you brought this up.
3
SPEAKER_00
I literally used it last night.
3
SPEAKER_01
Me too!
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh my god!
3
SPEAKER_01
So synced.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I wondered, I was like, is this perverse?
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, is this too much?
3
SPEAKER_00
Is anyone doing this?
3
SPEAKER_00
I thought about it too, because I always bring it in my suitcase when I travel.
3
SPEAKER_00
And so, then I automatically put it in my suitcase.
3
SPEAKER_00
And there was a moment where I was like, I m probably not going to feel comfortable using this, but I ll bring it just in case.
3
SPEAKER_00
Because there s nothing worse than when you don t, like, you have to go like old school.
3
SPEAKER_00
You re like, oh my God.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, you feel like a peasant.
3
SPEAKER_01
Although it s back to basics.
3
SPEAKER_01
So maybe this year.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m down for that.
3
SPEAKER_00
But yeah, last night everyone was in bed.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s the thing.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t think I could do it with everyone in the next room and but everyone was in bed and I was like, you know, had a moment and I was like, I m just gonna do it.
3
SPEAKER_00
And it was great.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like it was a great little
3
SPEAKER_00
moment, and I was glad that I brought it, and I m probably not going to do it again.
3
SPEAKER_00
What s your thinking around it?
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, I ve done it twice since I ve been home, but I ve been home for a while.
3
SPEAKER_01
And both times, it s so interesting.
3
SPEAKER_01
I have like new feelings, not sexually.
3
SPEAKER_01
I have new mixes of excitement and guilt.
3
SPEAKER_01
Which, of course, because I m back to being a child, hiding.
3
SPEAKER_01
And their parents are in the room downstairs and you have to be quiet.
3
SPEAKER_01
And in some ways that s kind of exciting because you don t have to do that at all, obviously, at home.
3
SPEAKER_01
You can be as loud as you want.
3
SPEAKER_01
But here, it s like bad.
3
SPEAKER_01
And then I was like, God, this is how perversions happen.
3
SPEAKER_01
This is actually how they re born.
3
SPEAKER_01
They are born out of thinking something s bad.
3
SPEAKER_01
So then it becomes exciting, which is why we have to say nothing s bad.
3
SPEAKER_01
Or keep doing it because it s fun.
3
SPEAKER_01
I think it can get out of hand.
3
SPEAKER_01
I think this is how some like really
3
SPEAKER_01
dangerous perversions can happen too.
3
SPEAKER_01
Have you watched Saltburn yet?
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay, I need to talk about Saltburn.
3
SPEAKER_00
If anyone s listening and they re planning on watching it with their family, do not watch it with anyone... You watched it with your family?
3
SPEAKER_00
I... When I did with this guy, like, I told him, like, how disturbed I was, and he was like, thank God you told me, because I was gonna watch it with my two sisters and my mom.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, let s watch something else.
3
SPEAKER_00
The thing about it is that you don t know how weird it s going to get and how dark it s going to get based on like, yeah, the first 30 minutes you re like, okay, this is going to be kind of like, and it just takes a turn.
3
SPEAKER_00
The scene at the tombstone, I had to shut my eyes.
3
SPEAKER_00
I was like, I don t want that in my brain.
3
SPEAKER_00
You thought that was more disturbing than the bathtub?
3
SPEAKER_00
The bathtub was disgusting.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s when you re like, this is a creepy movie.
3
SPEAKER_01
By the way, I thought it was incredible.
3
SPEAKER_01
I thought the movie was really good, really well done, very disturbing and creepy as fuck, but worth watching by yourself or with a friend whose you don t think you ll ever have any sexual connection to ever.
3
SPEAKER_00
Watch it with a same-sex friend.
3
SPEAKER_00
I watched it with girlfriends and I was very grateful.
3
SPEAKER_00
But then you kind of can t stop thinking about it.
3
SPEAKER_00
I know.
3
SPEAKER_00
And what s his face?
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, my God.
3
SPEAKER_00
He s so hot.
3
SPEAKER_01
Talking about Short King.
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, also Tall King and Short King in that movie.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, my God.
3
SPEAKER_00
They re both hot.
3
SPEAKER_00
Everyone s acting is off the charts.
3
SPEAKER_00
And she s a director of Promising Young Woman.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
3
SPEAKER_01
All to say, in that movie, there s some perverse shit that is going down.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s not just like kinks, which I m also down for, whatever.
3
SPEAKER_01
People do whatever they want, but it can transition into something unhealthy.
3
SPEAKER_01
And so I think those are some things to monitor.
3
SPEAKER_01
But the sea that you have to water that the guy from your Uber wrote about in his poem,
3
SPEAKER_00
Full circle.
3
SPEAKER_01
These seats start with these, like, baby shames, and this is bad, but I like it, so I gotta, like, find a secret way to do it.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s how all this happens.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s why all those religious right people end up with the porn scandals.
3
SPEAKER_00
Ted Cruz watching, kind of, incest porn, and there was recently also, like, a mom of some of these super right-wing groups about getting trans kids out of school and sports and whatnot, and, like,
3
SPEAKER_00
They had this crazy sex scandal, or who s that lady who s so nuts?
3
SPEAKER_00
Lauren Bolbert was doing a handjob during Beetlejuice?
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, it s on camera.
3
SPEAKER_00
She s an elected member of Congress, and she s super to the right.
3
SPEAKER_00
What?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yes!
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, giving a handjob.
3
SPEAKER_00
Wait, what do you mean during Beetlejuice?
3
SPEAKER_00
At the movies?
3
SPEAKER_00
I think it was at the theater, when it was at the theater.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, shit.
3
SPEAKER_00
So that s why they were like security cameras.
3
SPEAKER_00
And they re children, there s like families around you.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I think when it s so forbidden, you know.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yes, yes, you go extreme.
3
SPEAKER_01
But yeah, so I was feeling feelings of guilt and excitement.
3
SPEAKER_01
But then I really was just like, do people do this?
3
SPEAKER_01
Do they bring their toys and vibrators home to their parents  house?
3
SPEAKER_01
Or, and then the broader question, do you travel with it?
3
SPEAKER_01
Which you re saying you do.
3
SPEAKER_01
I normally don t.
3
SPEAKER_00
You don t?
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, I do.
3
SPEAKER_00
I travel for work more and longer periods and like… If I m just going on a weekend, no.
3
SPEAKER_00
But if I m going to be away for a few days, it just sucks when you don t have it.
3
SPEAKER_00
You re like, damn it.
3
SPEAKER_00
You know?
3
SPEAKER_00
And it s so little and… Okay.
3
SPEAKER_00
This might be TMI, but to your point about it being bad and your family s there and you re just like trying not to do anything.
3
SPEAKER_00
It like increasing sort of the…
3
SPEAKER_00
experience.
3
SPEAKER_00
I had my first orgasm with a guy when I was like having sex with someone and my parents were like in the next room on vacation with my boyfriend and my sister and like and we were in one of those very thin walls like little like
3
SPEAKER_00
you know, villas or whatever.
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, not a villa, but like a cottage.
3
SPEAKER_00
And because I couldn t make any noise, and I didn t expect it.
3
SPEAKER_00
I was like, oh my God, like I, and it was amazing.
3
SPEAKER_00
I was like, oh wow, now I know that this can happen for me.
3
SPEAKER_00
And it was a huge moment, but it was because I had to be so silent.
3
SPEAKER_00
There was something that isolated the experience, which led to, like, I was like, oh my God.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then I obviously couldn t do anything, even though I was like having my first orgasm.
3
SPEAKER_00
It was so exciting, but I had to be like completely silent.
3
SPEAKER_01
It adds to the heightened nature of it.
3
SPEAKER_01
But then, okay, this becomes interesting because when you are in a relationship or a marriage or something, let s say a marriage with kids, you do lose all of that, right?
3
SPEAKER_01
Or you don t because the kids are there.
3
SPEAKER_01
But it s different from avoiding your parents and avoiding your children because avoiding your children is like you don t want to scar them.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s more for them, whereas avoiding your parents is for you.
3
SPEAKER_00
There s no worse sound in the world than hearing your parents having sex.
3
SPEAKER_00
You ve heard it?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Do you?
3
SPEAKER_01
No.
3
SPEAKER_01
I only one time, I don t know one time it was happening because the door was locked.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s just never locked.
3
SPEAKER_01
I ve never heard it.
3
SPEAKER_01
Thank God.
3
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
3
SPEAKER_00
You re so lucky.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it is scarring and you never forget.
4
SPEAKER_00
at it, and 30 years later, I know exactly where I was, what I was watching on TV.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh, God.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s traumatic.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s a core memory.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s a core memory that I wish I didn t have.
4
SPEAKER_00
But yeah, I m curious.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m sure there s so many people who are listening.
4
SPEAKER_00
If you have kids, is it more exciting that you have to hide it, or does it affect it in a negative way?
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, I guess I mean more, you know, there is this fucking paradox, and I know we ve talked about it before.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s a known thing, but there is this paradox of safety in a relationship.
4
SPEAKER_01
All we want is safety, is a committed relationship where you know the person s there, yet.
4
SPEAKER_01
with safety, you lose a little bit of that fire.
4
SPEAKER_01
Passion and excitement and fear, like fear and passion are sort of intertwined in a, like, don t you think a little bit?
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh, for sure.
4
SPEAKER_00
I mean, this is, this is the thing that I think we forget in general about everything, which is if you love someone who is super safe,
4
SPEAKER_00
Available, committed.
4
SPEAKER_00
There s a flip side to that, which is like, they are always going to be there.
4
SPEAKER_00
And that means that they re probably predictable.
4
SPEAKER_00
They re stable.
4
SPEAKER_00
But even if you love someone, I mean, this happened to me where I was very attracted to like highly confident people.
4
SPEAKER_00
But there s a flip side, right?
4
SPEAKER_00
Like, that means that they re very focused on what they re doing and themselves.
4
SPEAKER_00
And it s very fun when you re out with them.
4
SPEAKER_00
And that s what s happening.
4
SPEAKER_00
But when you re one-on-one, like,
4
SPEAKER_00
But you can t say, I only want this part.
4
SPEAKER_00
They re all those parts.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so I think accepting that and then making sure that you re maybe creating circumstances that are more exciting.
4
SPEAKER_00
I mean, that s kind of the advice of every couples therapist is like, okay, well, if there s not a lot of adventure, like create it.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
When your kids are playing in the playground, you go into the bushes and have sex and it s really exciting.
4
SPEAKER_01
That s what Orna would say.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_00
Do that.
4
SPEAKER_00
Or, like, one thing I love… Okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
I love role-playing, but to a high degree.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like, a high degree of commitment.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like, you ll be sitting at the bar, and then I m going to come up to you, pretend like I don t know you, and then I m going to hit on you, and, like, we re going to pretend like we just met, and then we re going to go home.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like, that kind of stuff, I m so into.
4
SPEAKER_00
You ve done that?
4
SPEAKER_00
I ve done, like, a very subtle… It was, like, the pandemic, so I couldn t really, like, go to the full extent, but we, like, kind of did it, like, in the house.
4
SPEAKER_00
pretending like we had just met.
4
SPEAKER_00
Because anyway, we d realized that we had like both been at like South by Southwest at the same time, but we hadn t seen each other.
4
SPEAKER_00
And we re like, what would it be like?
4
SPEAKER_00
Because I was like, oh my God, if I met you at South by, like, I would have thought you were so handsome.
4
SPEAKER_00
And like, so it was just like recreating that, like, how would I feel if I just met you?
4
SPEAKER_01
And you don t laugh.
4
SPEAKER_01
I think there s no way I wouldn t be able to just die laughing.
4
SPEAKER_01
Sure.
4
SPEAKER_00
But that s okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
I mean, you can break character.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh.
4
SPEAKER_00
It is fun, but you have to commit.
4
SPEAKER_00
Maybe you could use costumes or like dress differently.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I think I just would laugh so hard.
4
SPEAKER_01
But I think that s fun if you can get into it.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, mixing things up and being playful.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
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Like I have a bunch of mom friends.
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4
SPEAKER_01
Okay, what about the fart event?
4
SPEAKER_01
We skipped right over that.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, you need to tell us about the fart event.
4
SPEAKER_00
I went to a sound bath, which I think I invited you, right?
4
SPEAKER_00
You did.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
So I went to a sound bath before leaving for break.
4
SPEAKER_00
For Christmas break.
4
SPEAKER_00
Isn t it funny that we still think of it like that?
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, exactly.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s like Thanksgiving break, Christmas break.
4
SPEAKER_00
Back to basics.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so I go to a sound bath and I am lying there.
4
SPEAKER_00
And you know, sound baths, some people will like fully fall asleep.
4
SPEAKER_00
You kind of hear them breathing heavily.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so it was only three of us.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like it was a very small sound bath.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so, I m lying there and the woman next to me sort of starts breathing heavily.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I m like, oh, she s kind of asleep.
4
SPEAKER_00
And she lets one rip.
4
SPEAKER_00
In her sleep.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s such a ding, ding, ding to our conversation.
4
SPEAKER_00
I couldn t believe it.
4
SPEAKER_00
In the moment, I had so much gratitude.
4
SPEAKER_00
Not for my life or for my family.
4
SPEAKER_00
The things that come up in the sound bath.
4
SPEAKER_00
I had so much gratitude that you could not join me that day because that would have been catastrophic.
4
SPEAKER_01
There is zero probability mathematically that we would not have just laughed so loud.
4
SPEAKER_01
We would have had to leave the class.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yes, we would have had to run out.
4
SPEAKER_00
I mean, literally, there s no other option.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then, if you had been next to me and been like, did you do it?
4
SPEAKER_00
It would have just been impossible.
4
SPEAKER_00
The sound bath would have been over.
4
SPEAKER_00
We would have been kicked out.
4
SPEAKER_00
But you didn t laugh.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m so impressed.
4
SPEAKER_00
Because I was alone.
4
SPEAKER_00
And also, there was a little phone shaming because I brought in my... Anyway, I felt a little like I wasn t part of their group.
4
SPEAKER_00
I felt like they all knew each other.
4
SPEAKER_00
I mean, there s only literally two women and the face director.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like, I brought in my phone, because I don t want it to get stolen.
4
SPEAKER_00
Not because I want to be on my phone, like, in the thing.
4
SPEAKER_00
It was on airplane mode.
4
SPEAKER_00
I put it down on my little mat, and then the instructor was like, hey, if you have your phone, please make sure it s off.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, oh yeah, yeah, it s on airplane mode.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then the woman next to me was like, thank you so much for saying that.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, goody two-shoes, come on.
4
SPEAKER_00
It felt like I was, like, in school.
4
SPEAKER_00
The farter said that?
4
SPEAKER_00
No, not the farter.
4
SPEAKER_01
She is not allowed to say anything about disturbances if she s gonna fart.
4
SPEAKER_01
Fart disturbance is greater than phone disturbance.
4
Sure.
4
SPEAKER_00
I would take ten text ding-dings over a fart.
4
SPEAKER_00
And again, for people who are listening, I am pro-fart, as you remember.
4
SPEAKER_00
You love farts.
4
SPEAKER_00
I love farts.
4
SPEAKER_00
I think they re great, but I will never not laugh.
4
SPEAKER_00
If you fart, it s the funniest thing we re gonna talk about.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, we re gonna talk about on a podcast.
4
SPEAKER_00
I felt a little like the new girl at school, and so I was like, you know, already feeling out of place.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so, yeah, so if I were to start laughing, and they didn t laugh, so I was like, okay, we re just gonna pretend like that didn t happen.
4
SPEAKER_01
Fuck!
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh my god, how loud was it?
4
SPEAKER_00
It was like,
4
SPEAKER_00
Like a trumpet.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like a trumpet.
4
SPEAKER_00
I would say 90, not 90, sorry.
4
SPEAKER_00
I meant like a minute, a second and a half.
4
SPEAKER_00
What s that?
4
SPEAKER_00
90 milliseconds?
4
SPEAKER_00
It didn t feel short, but it didn t feel long.
4
SPEAKER_00
It wasn t like a funny question mark fart.
4
SPEAKER_00
That would have killed me.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God.
4
SPEAKER_01
Did it smell?
4
SPEAKER_01
No.
4
SPEAKER_01
Thank God.
4
SPEAKER_01
Wait, what was your fart event at HomeGoods?
4
SPEAKER_01
I can t talk about that.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
But there was a knife event, but I don t think we have time to talk about it.
4
SPEAKER_01
So we ll have to save knife event for next time.
4
SPEAKER_01
Cause we got to do a couple of questions.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
We ll put a pin.
4
SPEAKER_01
So new year 2024, we had a lot to catch up on and we ll save the knife event, but let me pull out a few cues.
4
SPEAKER_01
Ooh, okay, let s do this.
4
SPEAKER_01
This is loaded.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh, let s go.
4
SPEAKER_01
My best friend is materialistic about luxury items.
4
SPEAKER_01
And it s starting to really bother me.
4
SPEAKER_01
Did you write this in about me?
4
SPEAKER_01
This is from anonymous.
4
SPEAKER_01
Hi Monica and Liz, I m just out of college and I ve been friends with this person for five years.
4
SPEAKER_01
They ve always been obsessed with luxury items.
4
SPEAKER_01
Don t get me wrong, I love a high quality product, but I get really annoyed when my friend just has to mention the brand of something every five seconds.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay, that seems a little different.
4
SPEAKER_01
It feels like they want to reassure me that their family can afford expensive things even though we both don t fully make our own income yet and it s not really our money being spent on expensive items.
4
SPEAKER_01
My family does make more money than theirs and I m not sure if it, therefore, comes from a place of insecurity.
4
SPEAKER_01
I am conscious of not mentioning brand names, expensive splurges all the time, but I have to bite my tongue every time they try to indicate they know, quote, more about the world of luxury goods.
4
SPEAKER_01
There are more important
5
SPEAKER_01
How can I keep this battle of egos in check?
5
SPEAKER_01
This is a great question.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s really good.
5
SPEAKER_01
I actually think this is not really that she likes material items.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s sort of the bragging and the need to vocalize and act like she knows a lot about it, which does feel like it comes from insecurity.
5
SPEAKER_00
Of course it does.
5
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I was actually just talking about this with someone like, there s a difference between people who wear Prada sweater, but you don t know it s a Prada.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s just a nice sweater.
5
SPEAKER_00
And people buy the one that says Prada and Gucci.
5
SPEAKER_00
And like, there s a sort of idea that newly rich people, like nouveau riche, those people are going to be the ones that wear the more flashy designer things.
5
SPEAKER_00
And the people who come from wealth and have generational wealth, they ll wear the designer things, but they ll wear luxury in a much more sort of subtle way.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like they ll just be well-dressed, right?
5
SPEAKER_00
And I had a boyfriend who, it wasn t this exactly, but he would name drop a lot and like, yeah, mention the price of things a lot.
5
SPEAKER_00
And at one point I was like, you know, people who have a lot of money don t talk a lot about money.
5
SPEAKER_00
And people who don t have a lot of money, like talk about money, people who don t know a lot of people will name drop.
5
SPEAKER_00
A hundred percent.
5
SPEAKER_00
And people who actually know really famous people don t mention any of them.
5
SPEAKER_00
So I think it was gentle enough that he got it and he actually kind of, I think, worked on it, but it s a way of bragging and compensating.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s a way of compensating.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s a way of validating your own
5
SPEAKER_01
worth because you don t know yet that it doesn t actually bring worthiness.
5
SPEAKER_01
Cause that takes some time.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I think that comes with, if you do have sustained money, you realize that, right?
5
SPEAKER_01
You re just like, Oh, these are just things.
5
SPEAKER_01
I like these things and I want them, but there s nothing to brag about.
5
SPEAKER_01
I will say though, going back to Nouveau Riche and about items that have the brand on them, I have both.
5
SPEAKER_01
I mean, the row is very,
5
SPEAKER_01
quote, quiet luxury, a stupid name, but one that is out there where you can t really tell there s no logos or anything.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s just nice, well-made clothing, but I have a sweatshirt that says Prada on it, but you don t have a lot.
5
SPEAKER_01
I don t have a lot, but I do have some and I m trying to get to like, why?
5
SPEAKER_01
Do I like it?
5
SPEAKER_01
Why?
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I m so curious.
5
SPEAKER_01
To me, new money is more interesting than old wealth, right?
5
SPEAKER_01
Like inherited wealth.
5
SPEAKER_01
In some ways, when someone is wearing that, I m like, good for you.
5
SPEAKER_01
You figured out a way to have that.
5
SPEAKER_01
I don t know how or what or why, but like, good for you.
5
SPEAKER_01
You wanted that thing and you were able to get it.
5
SPEAKER_01
I mean, it s one thing if you re like head to toe adorned and just,
5
SPEAKER_01
But it s like a tale as old as time, you know, like the coach bags that would just have like coach the C s all over it.
5
SPEAKER_01
Remember when we were younger?
5
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I m sure it s still a thing.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
5
SPEAKER_01
Louis Vuitton.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
5
SPEAKER_01
It can become part of your identity a little bit in a way that can be sort of fun.
5
SPEAKER_01
But I mean, look, bragging about it and talking about how much things are all the time is straight up obnoxious.
5
SPEAKER_01
So I wonder if this person can like
5
SPEAKER_01
have a conversation with her or should she just mentally give her leeway of like, she s just insecure and that s why this is happening.
5
SPEAKER_01
This is just going to be who she is for a bit.
5
SPEAKER_00
I guess it s like, how much does it bother you?
5
SPEAKER_00
And then I think if you want to approach it, I would just do it out of care.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like, again, I m not saying the way I approached it with my boyfriend was the ideal way, but it was from a place of love.
5
SPEAKER_00
It was like, it makes you look, and again, not in a patronizing, like, I m trying to protect you kind of way.
5
SPEAKER_00
But to say, I think it s so great that you can afford the things that you ve dreamed of wanting your whole life, but when you mention the price of things, it makes it look like you re compensating for something and I know you re not.
5
SPEAKER_00
Sort of being from a place of like, I know who you are and I know this isn t what you re trying to do, but this is how it s coming off, I think could be a caring way.
5
SPEAKER_01
That s true.
5
SPEAKER_01
I also think an approach could be just your reaction to it.
5
SPEAKER_01
If she says, I got these new Prada boots for $1,700.
5
SPEAKER_01
You can just say, oh, cool.
5
SPEAKER_01
Maybe like in your response is just short and not
5
SPEAKER_01
If you just don t give it very much, then that s where it ends for her.
5
SPEAKER_01
Like it s, it s not giving her what she needs.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s not giving her the validation.
5
SPEAKER_01
So maybe she ll stop because it s not working.
5
SPEAKER_01
Right.
5
SPEAKER_00
Or even just being like, okay.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
I mean, that feels a tiny bit passive aggressive to me.
5
SPEAKER_00
To me, it feels honest.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s how I would react to information that I m not totally— Again, because I fell into this with my boyfriend, where I d be like, wow, cool.
5
SPEAKER_00
But then I d be like, why am I saying cool?
5
SPEAKER_00
Like, I don t think it s cool.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m uncomfortable with it.
5
SPEAKER_01
But if you get to the root of like, she is, she is insecure, but she s also excited about this for some reason or another, like she is, we don t have to judge why you don t have to be excited by it.
5
SPEAKER_01
And you can find it sort of gross, but I think by just not indulging her, but still, Oh, cool.
5
SPEAKER_01
And then like moving, moving on, starting a different conversation quickly is.
5
SPEAKER_01
Perhaps just going to like subtly tell her, oh, this isn t getting the reaction I want.
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Eventually she ll probably stop would be my guess.
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And obviously don t ever meet her there.
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Like, don t, don t say, yeah, me too.
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I got this.
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Don t engage ever in that.
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Cause I do have a friend who.
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Like very obsessed with how much things cost.
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But this person does not have a lot of money, so it s top of mind.
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And the reason it s not top of mind for me is my privilege.
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It might be on me that I find it annoying, perhaps.
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Because, like, maybe I should be thinking about those things a little more.
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I don t know.
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Well, are you annoyed when someone shares about, like, a deal that they got?
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No, I m not.
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But it can get annoying when money comes up in every single conversation.
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It is a little like, you don t have to talk about money all the time.
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Like, what I have, and I think potentially what this person has, is a little bit of secondhand embarrassment.
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There s a sense of like, ah, you shouldn t be talking about that.
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Which I guess is what you were saying to your boyfriend.
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It s out of care of, like,
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they can decide to do whatever they want with that information.
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But I would appreciate if I sound like an idiot, like if I sound like I m compensating, I would like my friend to tell me.
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And again, I would prefer it to be a friend telling me in a compassionate, empathetic way than people talking behind my back or someone, yeah, giving me a passive-aggressive response.
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So I think there s two options.
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Either you cut the conversation or to your point, you just change the topic when they bring that up.
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And you understand where it s coming from.
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And the secondhand embarrassment piece is the piece that I also try to work on just for myself, because this person s actions do not.
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Define me like they are not mine.
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And even though I m close with this person, it doesn t mean anything about me.
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It s like what I try to do with my parents all the time when they re embarrassing, they re not me.
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So there s a little bit of that, but also, yeah, I think just sort of nod and then talk about something you want to talk about.
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Just like don t give it the time of day.
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Or you can have this conversation.
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There s multiple ways to do it.
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Yeah.
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Great question.
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Okay.
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This is sort of in keeping with what we just said.
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Well, let s read it.
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In a partnership, how do you accept the frustrating quirks about someone in a healthy way without building resentment?
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This is from Gaia.
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Monica and Liz, I m a new listener, but so glad I found this podcast.
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Yay, welcome.
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It s been the best addition to my morning routine.
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I ve been married for about two years and it s always been a healthy relationship.
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One thing I ve been struggling with is that I tend to get, oh man, it s literally just, I tend to get embarrassed, self-conscious easily, especially in social situations and know in the past that I projected this onto my partner.
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For example, he s really extroverted and tends to take up all the oxygen in the room at dinner parties.
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This is such a small thing, but I can t stand when someone asks him a question and he doesn t remember to ask it back in kind.
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Or he s clumsy when he drinks and can drop spilled things, which horrifies me.
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He recently spilled red wine all over my friend s expensive new white rug.
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I know these sound nitpicky, but I have started to get nervous before social situations together because I m so nervous about how people will perceive us or feeling worried about what will go wrong.
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I think I ve made it worse by putting pressure on him and expressing repeatedly how important it is that my close friends like him, which I can only imagine has made him more nervous and potentially made everything worse.
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My therapist told me it was most likely social anxiety that I m experiencing, but I m not sure if that shoe totally fits.
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When I m at social things or with close friends by myself, I don t experience these feelings at all.
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Is it normal to love your partner, but also feel kind of embarrassed by how they reflect on you in social situations?
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And any advice on how to find more peace?
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Damn.
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Yes, it s totally 100% normal.
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It happens to every person regardless of the relationship, I think.
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It can happen in friendships when you bring a new friend around and it s like, oh God, they re doing this.
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I just think it is personal work.
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They aren t you.
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And I will say, so my dad always has food all over his face when he eats and it s like spilling.
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My mom, yeah.
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It s everywhere.
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You don t even understand how it can move that quickly and that far.
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Yeah, how did it get there?
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But it happens every time.
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And I find it
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it embarrassing, of course, but my mom cannot handle it.
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She s always, you have food on your face, you have food on your face, you re this, like, which, okay, this is a tricky one because obviously people need to be told that they have food on their face, but I will say, as in quote outsider, even though I m not an outsider at all,
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I get way more annoyed at her when she s doing that, when she s saying, wipe your face, you have something on your face.
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I hate that way more than I hate the food on his face.
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Like, stop, just leave him alone, you know?
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Totally.
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I had a very similar situation with an ex-boyfriend where, yeah, when we were in groups, he would suck up a lot of the oxygen.
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It s the same one.
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So, he would just brag a lot or like answer questions in the way that I felt.
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And I don t know if I handled it right.
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You know, once when we came back from like a dinner party, I just was like, why do you talk like that?
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You re talking differently.
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That s not you, you know.
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And he was like, but that is me.
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And we never fully kind of resolved it.
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Sometimes I actually think back at that.
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I m like, how could I have said something differently?
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But looking back, I m like, that was him.
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That was him.
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And that was me being like, no, that s not you.
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And him being like, no, that is me.
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It was you saying, I wish this wasn t you.
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Exactly.
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That was that entire relationship.
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Like I, you know, really thought he could be someone different than he was.
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And that s not kind.
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Like that s not… It sucks to be in a relationship with someone who wants you to be different.
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And I ll add that…
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The layer of like, I want my friends to like you.
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I know it s coming from a place of love.
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And if my friends don t like my boyfriend, it s such a red flag.
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Like, it sucks to live with that.
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But putting that pressure on him to be liked by anyone is setting it up
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to fail, and I know that when I ve entered situations like that with— I had an ex, his parents were very conservative, or like, they weren t even that conservative, but when we would go over, he d be like, don t put this, or like, wear something more conservative, and like, even that dress differently than I would normally dress would set me off in a bad way.
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I would drink more.
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I m not projecting this onto Gaia s situation, but it was entering from a point of kind of shame.
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Like, there s something wrong with me that I need to hide or be different so that I m like… And so, maybe it starts with that conversation.
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Not even the wine and the… Unfortunately, he s clumsy.
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That s it.
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Yes, and he s self-involved, or again, extroverted in that way, and that s who he is.
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The other thing I ll say again, because I struggled with this with that boyfriend, and my therapist was like, why don t you take up space?
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Why, when you are in a group setting, yeah, he s talking a lot, but why aren t you?
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And I think there s that aspect too, which I don t know if it s happening in this situation, but if he s acting very, very big, why are you letting him take the stage kind of thing too, if you don t like that?
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That part could be a conversation, but it can t be about the group or her friends.
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It could just be, sometimes I feel like when we re in conversation, especially in group settings, I don t have space to talk.
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Make it about you.
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Don t make it about the friends, like, because that will make anyone very defensive.
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But if you say,
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Sometimes I feel really small at group events and that I don t really have space to talk.
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And I know you re really good in these group events.
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And I sometimes feel like there s no space for me.
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Just make it about you because that is what this is about.
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100%.
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And again, see how he responds because he might be, again, nervous.
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And it s so funny how nervousness comes out.
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Because you would think nervousness would mean you re not talking.
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But yeah, the times where I ve been the most nervous is when I ve been like, oh my god, I didn t even ask them the question back because I was so nervous.
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I was so consumed with how I was coming off or what I was saying.
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You might learn a lot.
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What you re inferring from his behavior might be totally different from what s actually going on.
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Yeah.
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Again, just know it is so normal to find parts of your partners so embarrassing because you know why people aren t perfect.
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Everyone has embarrassing traits.
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Also, whoever you re worried about, like these friends, if they re in relationships, they have the same thing.
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If they re going to be in a relationship, they re going to have the same thing.
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Like they themselves have embarrassing traits.
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It s just having a little bit of grace for everyone and also allowing yourself to feel like, ugh, that is annoying.
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but it is who he is.
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And I love him.
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And this comes with that.
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Exactly.
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And maybe you buy him a sippy cup so that he doesn t still make a joke out of it.
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That is kind of funny, but it really has to be out of kindness.
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Like, I understand that you can t not spill.
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And so here s a sippy cup.
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But like acceptance, that s why relationships are fucking hard.
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It requires so much acceptance.
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It s not just like, I love this person and it s so fun.
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No.
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Accepting a full person is hard as fuck.
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It s why I can t do it.
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Well, I can hardly do it with myself.
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And again, you re with someone who, you know, I was listening to this podcast the other day and he was just like, the way that we think we can change our partners is so funny.
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It s so delusional because there are so many things that we do that we don t like and we re not able to change.
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And we know we don t like it.
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We can t help it.
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And we keep doing it.
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So to think that your partner will stop doing a thing that they don t like that they re doing because you re disappointed, that your disappointment is somehow going to like power change in a way that they haven t been able to do before in the way that you
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haven t been able to do before is so delusional, right?
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But we all do it.
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We all fall into it.
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But you re right, it s totally being in acceptance and knowing that, yeah, this is your partner.
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These are the things that are less fun, and it comes with a lot of other things that are super fun.
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Well, and that s maybe shifting your attention.
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When you re feeling sort of drowned in this, like, oh, he s talking so much, oh, maybe actively say to yourself, like, why don t I just say three things in my head that I like about him?
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Pull yourself out of that tidal wave.
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Yeah.
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And, like, I don t know.
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I also think married couples— Like, this happened last night at dinner.
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We were playing this game, and it was, like, asking questions.
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And my dad is just really… How do I describe it?
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My dad just…
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speaks with an amount of detail that is absurd and like he is totally neurodivergent, but like doesn t know it.
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And so he answered this question, it was like a one sentence answer that we went around the table and he just went into like a monologue.
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And at one point,
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My mom looks at me, she gives me a look and I know my mom and I both have ADHD, which is like, again, how they make it work is incredible.
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But like my brain is allergic to detail.
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Like I just get overwhelmed by it and then I stop listening.
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And so my mom and I kind of look at each other and at one point we just were like,
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All right, wrap it up.
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We just made a joke.
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Totally.
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And he s able to laugh about it.
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You can also be playful with it.
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Like, it doesn t have to be this, we have to fix this issue that s so serious between us.
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And does it mean that we can stay married?
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Like, just, you know, my mom has been with my dad for 40 years and he s been doing this.
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That s why.
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Because there is safety.
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There is a sense of acceptance.
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even though it s annoying and eye rolling, there s a fundamental acceptance.
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And so that does have to be there first before you can do the like, okay, move on.
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That s a really good point.
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This is a great question.
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And I have literally everyone on earth can relate to this.
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I don t think there s anyone who can t.
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Wow.
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So that was great.
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We ve been at it for a bit, so I think it s time that we call it, but we ll be back next week.
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This is so exciting, 2024.
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It s your niece s year and it s also our year.
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It s our year.
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SPEAKER_00
It s back to basics, baby.
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BBB.
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Back to basics.
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All right.
6
SPEAKER_00
Well, I hope that you have a nice rest of your time at home.
6
SPEAKER_00
Thanks.
6
SPEAKER_01
You, too.
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I hope no one has COVID.
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I hope everyone is healthy.
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And I can t wait to see your Got Milk binder.
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And I can t wait to see you.
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I miss you.
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This was so fun.
6
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I know.
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I m excited to see you, too.
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And we ll be back next week.
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Love you, Sing Squad.