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The following podcast is a dear media production.
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She s a lifestyle blogger extraordinaire.
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Fantastic.
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And he s a serial entrepreneur, a very smart cookie.
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And now Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic are bringing you along for the ride.
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Get ready for some major realness.
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Welcome to the skinny confidential him and her.
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If we have low self-worth, and this is for everybody listening, if we have low self-worth, it often looks like we re stuck, like we re stuck.
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Meaning, oh, we have a crazy, amazing business idea, or we have a book we want to write, or we have, you know, we don t want to be alone and we want to be in a relationship, but we literally
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are stuck and we don t know why.
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We don t get on the dating app.
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We don t submit the manuscript or even start writing it.
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We don t register the domain for our business.
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And a lot of people think like, oh, I m stuck because I just need to get more experience or more skill sets.
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It s like, no, actually, underneath it all, you don t believe you re worthy of the thing.
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I mean, you don t believe you re worthy of it.
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Like your self-worth will become your ceiling.
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Hello, everybody.
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Happy Monday.
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Welcome back to the Him and Her Show.
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Today, we have an incredible episode with an incredible woman, an incredible founder, entrepreneur, and author, Jamie Kern Lima, who is the founder of It Cosmetics.
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I m sure many of you know about It Cosmetics.
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For those of you that are not familiar with It Cosmetics and Jamie, she became one of the first females in history to build a billion dollar brand and sell it to L Oreal.
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which landed her on the Forbes America s richest self-made women s list, an extremely incredible accomplishment.
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And in this episode, she talks all about her new book, Worthy, how to believe you are enough and transform your life.
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She discussed her journey as a Denny s waitress all the way to a self-made billionaire and what you can do to start feeling worthy yourself.
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It s an incredible episode, ton of tangible takeaways.
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With that, Jamie Kern Lima, welcome to Skinny Confidential, him and her show.
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This is the Skinny Confidential, him and her.
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from a Denny s waitress to America s richest self-made woman.
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Damn, I love me some moons over hammy though.
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Let me tell you about moons over hammy.
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Have you had moons over Hammy?
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Yeah, of course.
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It s such a good one on the Denny s menu.
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We had the Denny s right down in Solana Beach when we were growing up.
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So good.
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Denny s waitress.
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How old are you when you re a Denny s waitress?
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In my 20s.
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Yeah, in my 20s.
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It s funny, we were just talking about Oprah a second ago, and I celebrated interviewing her last week by going to Denny s.
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By going to Denny s.
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I did not have moons over Miami, but
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But it was really good.
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I had coffee.
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They have sweet cream coffee now.
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They did not have that when I was a waitress.
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So I had that and just kind of sat there.
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I just needed to get grounded.
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Like, what is happening and how do I make sure I feel worthy of this?
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And yeah, yeah, it was a moment.
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So good to be here, by the way.
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Hi.
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We re honored that you chose to come on here.
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I mean, I know you had probably a lot of different choices.
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So, thank you.
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So grateful to be here.
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First time, too.
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First time.
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I think I ve harassed you since 2019 if you look back in your DMs.
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Thank you.
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I m wearing your It Cosmetics foundation.
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I wear it all the time.
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I ve worn it for years and years.
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It is the best of the best of the best for coverage.
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There s nothing like it.
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You wrote a book called Worthy.
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Are you, at Denny s, feeling worthy?
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Or what are you feeling like?
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Yeah, that s the thing.
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I wrote worthy because first of all, our self-worths are ceiling, right?
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So many of us like we think, oh, I didn t need more skill set.
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I need to work harder and all those things are important, but our self-worths are ceiling.
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I didn t know that for a long time and what I know now.
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Like you want to double your business, double your self-worth.
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You want to double your success, double your self-worth.
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And for a long time, I didn t realize that really in life, like we don t necessarily rise to what we believe is possible.
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We fall to what we believe we re worthy of.
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And so when I was in my days, waitressing tables at Denny s, I literally remember moments where I d look around and think like, I could run this.
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have those kind of thoughts, but then my self-doubt would get really, really, really loud.
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And so, you know, a lot of people maybe Google my story and they see like, oh, you know, Denny s Waitress builds billion-dollar company, but my real story is like, and that happened, yes, and I m so proud of it and learned so many tactical tools and takeaways I m so happy to share and dive into.
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But my real journey I m more proud of than that is like going from someone who, a girl who really didn t believe in myself most of my life
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to learning how to believe in myself and learning how to believe I m worthy, you know, of the hopes and dreams I have.
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And I think that s the biggest thing like for anyone listening is so important that we know what we want and why we want it and then take action and do all the things.
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But at the end of the day, like we don t become what we want, we become what we believe we re worthy of.
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And that s in life, in our business, in our goals, in our dreams.
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So when we raise our self-worth, we change everything.
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Because if we don t, we literally, so many people sabotage things, stay stuck, or doubt themselves out of their own destiny.
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Because our self-doubt gets so loud.
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So maybe before we go further, maybe talking about before Denny s, what was your childhood like and maybe why did you not feel worthy?
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Yeah, I think, well, you know what s wild is you look at the data right now.
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It s like as the three of us are talking, 80% of women don t believe they re enough and 73% of men feel inadequate and not enough.
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And it s wild because we re so good at hiding.
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A lot of people are really, really good at hiding it.
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It s funny, I was just talking with Ed Milet who loves the two of you.
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who was so excited for me to come on the show, because he loves both of you, and he was saying right now, despite in his life having private jets, huge companies with success, all the things going on externally, which brings him a lot of confidence, he still struggles to believe he s enough.
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And it s sort of this lifelong journey because when we don t underneath it all believe we re enough, we can achieve everything and build all this self-confidence.
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And a lot of people think, well, if I feel like I m enough as I am, will I lose my edge?
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Will I stop like, you know, will I become less ambitious?
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It s actually the opposite.
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when you feel super, super enough like strong self-worth as you are, you actually become more fearless because you know, okay, if I fall, if I fall flat on my face, if I fail, if I have setbacks, like it might shake my self-confidence a little bit, which is largely based on the external, but like I m unshakable inside and it helps you become more fearless.
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And so growing up, I think, you know,
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What I will say, so in Worthy, there s like, I covered 20 different tools on how to build unshakable self-worth, and a lot of them are lies that so many of us need to unlearn.
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And one of the lies, which I think comes from my childhood, to answer your question, I grew up believing that achievement equaled love, or that I needed to achieve to be enough, and sort of like confusing achievement with love.
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Did that come from your parents or did that come from a teacher or like where do you think that comes from?
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Yeah, I think so.
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So two things.
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I think universally so many of us are raised even just seeing like advertisements and this and that and they re great but or well-intended people in our lives that are like
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All they ask about is your job or your, you know, how s your job going?
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How s your work going?
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Are you married yet?
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Do you have kids?
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And we start to learn that if we get good answers to those things, then we ve got their stamp of approval.
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Like then we re enough.
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And so that s there.
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And then a lot of us work so hard to finally get these big goals that we think will make us feel enough.
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And we arrive at them and still feel like something s missing.
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and still feel like, you know, so then we just keep hustling harder and it becomes this never-ending perpetual thing, which is what Ed and I have both experienced for decades of our life where we keep achieving the next level and the next level and the next level and to give you like a real
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Tangible example because for everyone listening to us right now if they re like, oh, I m super confident.
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I m super successful I kind of feel like I m not enough or it s not enough, but I think I just got to work harder It s actually a self-worth issue because a lot of people will give up on marriages They think something s missing in their marriage when really they don t feel enough as who they are a hundred percent go off on that I totally agree with that.
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It s such a thing.
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Yeah
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Yeah, they want someone else to fill up their cup.
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But what they realize, what you got to realize is inside job, you got to fill up your own cup.
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Exactly, exactly.
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And so the number of marriages that end or the number of people that think, oh, I just need to quit my job and go to another one or this or that.
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I don t have the fulfillment I need.
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And they think that exactly that the enoughness needs to come from the outside.
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side, and that s a self-worth thing.
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So three ways, like for anyone listening, if they re like, wait a minute, do I need worthy?
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Do I feel enough?
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Is this really a thing?
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Because I think I m crushing it on the outside, the three main ways that self-worth become big issues in our life.
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If we have low self-worth, and this is for everybody listening, if we have low self-worth, it often looks like we re stuck.
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Like, we re stuck, meaning, oh, we have a crazy, amazing business idea, or we have a book we want to write, or we have, you know, we don t want to be alone and we want to be in a relationship, but we literally are stuck and we don t know why.
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We don t get on the dating app.
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We don t submit the manuscript or even start writing it.
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We don t register the domain for our business.
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And a lot of people think like, oh, I m stuck because I just need to get more experience or more skill sets.
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It s like, no, actually, underneath it all, you don t believe you re worthy of the thing.
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And when you don t believe you re worthy of it, like your self-worth will become your ceiling.
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When we have low to medium self-worth, which a lot of people do, this is me most of my life, even after selling my company for over a billion dollars cash.
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I was very confident.
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I had high confidence.
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I was crushing it on the Forbes, all these things.
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I didn t know that self-confidence, which fluctuates based on external things, if we re winning or losing, our skill sets and abilities, is different than self-worth.
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Self-worth is like the deep internal knowing that you are enough and worthy exactly as you are.
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And that self-worth level is our ceiling.
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And so when we have low to medium self-worth,
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We can be, you know, crushing it and doing all these kind of things, but we still hit ceilings and we sabotage them.
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We ll sabotage opportunities.
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We ll write the whole manuscript, but then not submit it.
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We ll hit six figures in our business, but not seven figures, and we don t know why.
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We ll have, you know,
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really wild ideas to put like our talent and offerings out in the world.
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But we ll scroll Instagram for eight hours a day.
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We ll hit a ceiling and we ll sabotage.
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We ll meet an amazing potential partner.
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And then we ll be like, I don t know why, but I just am not attracted to them.
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And we put them in the friend zone.
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And it s because underneath it all, we don t believe we re worthy of the thing.
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So we ll sabotage it.
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Do you think that this is all
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perpetuated from childhood because we ve had, funny this week, we ve had a lot of people come on here who are very successful that have said something that their mom or dad or teacher said to them that replays in their head.
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I ll give like an example.
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Someone came on and said that their father said, you ll never amount to anything.
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Janice Dickinson.
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She s in her 60s now, and she still replays You ll Never Amount to Anything still to this day.
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Is there something that you can pinpoint when you were a little girl that was playing in your head for you to sell your company for the amount you did and still not feel worthy?
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Yes.
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Okay.
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I would love if you guys have a few minutes to actually go through this exercise where everyone listening can actually do that in their head to know what it is for them.
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Because here s the thing, some of us have a parent that said something or we have someone in the school play yard that said it.
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For Ed Milet, for example, I don t know why I keep bringing him up, but he s like our mutual friend.
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For him, it was in he remembers the moment when he was like,
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pro-level in baseball and sabotaged it.
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We have these moments that take root in our identity.
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For a lot of people, they ve had failures or rejections that instead of thinking I failed or was rejected, they let it take root and think I m a failure, I m a reject.
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We all have different moments.
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And while some of us, like the one you shared with Janice, we have a parental figure that said something, for most of us, it s us telling ourselves the thing and believing it.
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So part of why I wrote
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worthy is to unlearn all the lies that lead to self-doubt and ignite the truths that wake up worthiness.
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One example that I ll share with you and then I ll take everyone through how to do it because they can listen to us live and be like, oh wow, this is a thing in my own life.
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It was after I had sold my business, my whole life I sat there as a little girl watching Oprah and dreaming of one day meeting her.
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I was home alone a lot as a little girl and I would watch her interviews.
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I was like, oh, and that was like my mentor from afar my entire life.
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And, you know, after all the years of sort of like working hard to, you know, pay my way through school and finally get into what I thought was my dream job, which was anchoring the news.
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And then I took a detour and launched at cosmetics.
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What a lot of people don t know is that was a wild story.
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It was years and years and years and years of rejections.
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like teetering on bankruptcy, like hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of rejections, and learning how to overcome those and not quit, and eventually turning that business into a billion-dollar company.
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And through all of that, I built a whole lot of self-confidence.
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I am in my 30s, about to turn 40, and I meet Oprah for the first time.
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which is like my lifelong dream.
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Then she invites me to lunch.
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Did you know you were going to meet her or was it just like a... No, total at an event backstage in her green room.
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It was a whole thing.
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And I thought at best, it ll be like two seconds on a step and repeat wall, but it ended up being this sort of private one-on-one meeting.
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It was just a couple minutes backstage at her event.
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After it, I wrote her an email.
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She invited me over for lunch.
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So I m like, oh my gosh, this is a whole thing.
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So
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I go to her house.
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That s a big lunch.
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For everyone listening, if you ve ever been in a great place in your life, like you re crushing it, all these things, that was me in that moment.
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I thought.
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I didn t know there was a huge difference between being self-confident but not having self-worth.
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And I learned it the hard way in this moment.
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This is really a defining moment.
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for me, and I think a lot of people will connect with this, no matter what their circumstances are, because we ve all sabotaged stuff and not known why.
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But I go to her house for lunch, and I m like, but I m really confident.
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You know, I m crushing it.
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Like, the Forbes list had just got all these things.
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And we have a three-hour lunch, and at the very end of it, she hands me her cell phone number.
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And she s like, you can call me anytime.
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Call me anytime.
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And I left there and I did not call her for four years.
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Like literally my lifelong, like didn t call her for four years.
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And in that four year window, I told myself stories like, oh, I just need to think of the right thing to say.
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Like, I just got to come up with the right thing to say, then I ll call her.
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Or, oh, like people probably want stuff from her.
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Like, I m going to prove I don t need anything.
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I m not going to call her.
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I told myself all these stories until one day I realized it hit me like out of the blue.
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like, I m not calling her because deep down inside, I don t believe I m worthy of being her friend.
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And that was the day where I was like, oh, wow.
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And that was the moment where two things
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Like every one of us, our thoughts which are in our head and tell us self-doubt all day long are not who we are, but they re so loud.
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Like our thoughts are so loud.
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And that s our head is where self-doubt lives.
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And our soul, our knowing, our truth,
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Whether someone believes in God and prays and hears God that way, or meditates and gets still, or believes the universe has your back, or all of those things, our soul is where, like, we know the truth.
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And I remember that day, like, that moment of knowing that was a lie.
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Like, knowing, I m a kick-ass friend.
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Like, I am a ride-or-die kick-ass friend.
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Oprah or anyone else would be so lucky to be my friend.
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And I know that is the truth.
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And in that moment, I remember imagining myself turning down the volume on my thoughts or my self-doubt and turning up the volume on that knowing that knows I am enough.
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And that was the day I picked up the phone and called her.
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And that s also the day I became obsessed with studying self-worth and understanding like, oh, wow, if just like me in that day, so many of us can have a lot of self-confidence, we could have put in the reps, like all the things.
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But if underneath it all, we don t believe we re enough, we will still sabotage stuff.
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Whether it is a relationship we don t think we re worthy of, whether it is our business going to the next level, whether it s a health and fitness goal, or having great friendships, it could be any of it.
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And so that s really, for me, probably the pivotal moment on how I realized, okay, in life we don t become what we want, we become what we believe we re worthy of.
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What did you say to Oprah when you called her?
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Okay, so the first time I called, she didn t answer.
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I m like, four years and she didn t answer.
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I m not a big answer phoner either.
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I m not either.
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I m not either.
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I m totally not either.
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And then we ve talked since we ended up teaching a class this last year.
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And then and then.
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And now she s now she s on your podcast and you re on hers.
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When she heard this story, did she say anything to you about it?
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Was she like, why didn t you call?
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Yeah, she understands it clear.
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She s so clear about it, and her big thing is exactly that.
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She ll say, you can work so, so, so hard, you can even believe something s possible, but if you don t believe you re worthy of it, she says it in the way of, it will not come.
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It s interesting because I think that why she s so attractive as a human, and you have the same exact quality, is that she s so successful and such an amazing person, but she has talked about not feeling worthy, too, in her past.
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And you ve sort of almost got to watch her go through that on the show.
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And I think it s so amazing that you, who have had so many accomplishments, come out and talk about this, too.
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I think a lot of people are struggling with it internally.
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Never in my life has my hair been healthier.
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And the supplement that I have been taking forever is Nutrafol.
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You have seen this all over social media.
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You have seen so many people rave about it.
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And that is because Nutrafol is the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement.
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It has over 1 million people seeing thicker, stronger, faster growing hair with less shedding.
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What I ve noticed is I have way less shedding.
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My hair used to shed everywhere, all over my silk pillowcase, in the shower, and now it doesn t.
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But I also just noticed that I have a thicker ponytail.
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You should know that the reason that I choose Nutrafol is because it has drug-free ingredients and everything is focused on the inside out.
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So they really think about stress, hormones, environment, nutrition, lifestyle, metabolism, and they really worked to make a supplement that supports these things from within.
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Sometimes people listen to this show, I believe, because I ve seen the messages, and we will have people like yourself, high performers, high achievers, come on.
2
SPEAKER_02
And it s almost like, well, easy for them to say, right?
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SPEAKER_02
You know what I m saying?
2
SPEAKER_02
And it s not that they discount the message.
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SPEAKER_02
It s like, well, that doesn t apply to me because this person has experienced this level of success, and it s so far out of the reach of most people.
2
SPEAKER_02
But they re just like, OK, well, that message is maybe not relevant.
2
SPEAKER_02
But what you re saying here is like,
2
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This is applicable to anybody.
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SPEAKER_02
It could be dating, it could be, you know, getting a job, writing a book, doing a podcast, anything.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
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At any level.
2
SPEAKER_01
Exactly.
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Believing you re worthy of a healthy friendship, believing you re worthy of a healthy relationship, whatever your goals and dreams are.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I think, you know, I talk a lot about in Worthy in the book about how
2
SPEAKER_01
our past, our past mistakes, our past failures, our past regrets, our past rejections.
2
SPEAKER_01
So often the stories that we are telling ourselves about them and the meaning we re assigning to them, we ve let them take root in our self-worth.
2
SPEAKER_01
A lot of us have had failures, rejections, and instead of thinking like, oh yeah, I made it through that and having this meaning we assigned to it that s empowering and inspiring, we let it take root in our identity as like, I m a failure, I m a reject.
2
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And a lot of times we don t realize we re doing this.
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And so one of the, there s a whole chapter in Worthy called when you change your relationship with rejection, you change your entire life.
2
SPEAKER_01
And by the way, I remember, you know, I m adopted and I was raised in families where, I mean, I remember like hustling, working all these jobs in my teenage years and I was running a health club and it was the first time ever.
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So I was a receptionist in a health club.
2
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Then they had me give sales tours when the sales team was busy with other clients.
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And I started closing deals as a receptionist, not knowing what I was doing.
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And before I know it, I was promoted into sales and then into management, not because I,
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and earned it in the sense of like experience, but just based on numbers, that was it.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I remember I was making more money at 18 than my dad was in his 50s, who was working on an assembly line.
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SPEAKER_01
And I said, you know, I think I wanna, you know, go after these dreams.
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SPEAKER_01
I think I wanna do a television show one day.
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SPEAKER_01
I m gonna try to figure out how to go to college.
2
SPEAKER_01
No one in my family had ever gone to college.
2
SPEAKER_01
And he s like, absolutely not.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like, do you see how much money you re making?
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SPEAKER_01
And now I look back and I was like, I was not even making that much money.
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SPEAKER_01
But to him, to the circumstances I was raised around, it was a lot.
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SPEAKER_01
And I always felt, and maybe everyone listening, a lot of people listening can relate to this.
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I always felt like I was a little bit different.
2
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Like I had dreams and goals and I needed to dim my light to fit into my environment.
2
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I was sharing dreams.
2
SPEAKER_01
What I didn t know, right, there s this saying, don t ask advice from people who have never been there themselves.
2
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And most of my life, I sort of had to, I thought I was odd or strange or different.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I wrote a whole chapter in this called, You re Not Crazy, You re Just First.
2
SPEAKER_01
And it s when you are the first to show up in this world as who you authentically are, despite your past or the environments you re raised around or the limiting beliefs around you.
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When you re the first to step into who you authentically are, don t be surprised if not everyone gets it.
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Don t be surprised if you feel like you don t quite fit in.
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But the things that we so often think are wrong with us are actually the greatest things right with us.
2
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And when we step into them, it s like so empowering.
2
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So when you say you read a lot of comments from people that
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feel like, oh, that s easy for them or it s easy for that.
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The tools in Worthy are for everybody.
2
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It does not matter where you re at or what your life experiences are.
2
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At a human level, all of us tell ourselves similar stories about rejection, about failure, about our past mistakes, about the things keeping us stuck, the things holding us back.
2
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When we learn to change our relationship with rejection, we change our entire life.
2
SPEAKER_01
So there s like a four part framework in Worthy, because a lot of people are like, how did you go from your living room to building a billion dollar business, especially in all the years of constant rejections?
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And how many years was that?
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Yeah.
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So, okay.
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So I launched the business.
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From living room to exit.
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Living room to exit eight years.
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Okay.
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Yeah.
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Yeah living room to exit eight years Living room to paying myself a single dollar close to four So the first three years was like hundreds and hundreds of rejections.
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So we were teetering on bankruptcy
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And in 2008, when I launched at Cosmetics, I had this skin condition called rosacea, which is like when I take my makeup off, it s bright red, it s bumpy.
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You can probably see some of the bumps right here.
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It gets really like sandpaper, and I d seen every dermatologist, tried every medication, all this stuff, and I was anchoring the news, and I thought, this is what I m gonna do forever is other people s stories.
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I love other people s stories.
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That s what I m obsessed with.
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I feel like it s why I m here.
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Anyway, so I m like, I m in my dream job, and I d be live on the news, and I d hear my earpiece like, there s something on your face, there s something on your face, need to wipe it off, need to wipe it off.
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SPEAKER_00
And I m live, and I glanced down, I knew what it was, the makeup would be breaking up.
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And it would start to look like, almost like desert clay cracking where you see the red come through.
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I know what you re talking about.
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When I had acne when I was younger, it cracks.
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I know exactly what you re talking about.
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So I thought,
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I m gonna get fired, right?
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And I entered this big season of self-doubt.
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And what I know for sure, I don t know who needs to hear this today listening to us, but like, I believe you re, so often our setbacks in life are like our setups, right?
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For what we re called to do, what we re supposed to do.
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We just don t see it at the time.
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And I entered this big setback where I was like, every time I d be on the air, I d be hearing my earpiece, it s still there, it s still there.
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And I tried to cover it up with makeup and nothing would work.
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And so I started this like, I started getting this gut feeling of like, well, wait a minute.
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If you could create something that worked for you, it s probably gonna help a whole lot of other people.
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But then my self-doubt in my head would be like, oh yeah, but you ve got no money, you ve got no connections, you don t know anyone in the beauty industry.
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And I sat in that place between having this knowing in my gut, like I m supposed to do the thing and launch it, and what if I could do it?
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And then these no s in my head saying, you don t have what it takes.
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I sat in that place for a while, and I eventually really had this deep moment where I m like,
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My whole life, I have never seen someone with rosacea selling products.
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What if I could create a beauty company that worked for everybody, even if they had skin issues?
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SPEAKER_00
What if I put all different types of people as models?
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So I had this thing that felt bigger than myself to do, but when I took the jump and launched it in my living room, what I didn t know, because we poured, you guys will relate to this as entrepreneurs, my husband and I poured every penny we had into this thing, and I just thought,
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If the product s great, it s just going to sell.
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And so we put everything we had into the formula, into third-party chemists, into making our first product.
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And then what I didn t know is from that point on, it would be over three years before we would even be able to pay ourselves and hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of no s.
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every place we sent the product to that I used to save my Denny s tip money to like buy one product in their store.
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Sephora, Ulta, QVC on television, all the department stores.
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It was no after no after no.
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And so many of them would say like, no one will buy makeup from images like this.
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Like you need to use unattainable aspiration.
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You cannot use real people or people have skin challenges.
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The whole thing.
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And so it was over three years in and we got one shot on QVC after they told me no for years.
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And not only no, but they said to me, you re not the right fit for our customers or for us.
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SPEAKER_00
And it was no for years.
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SPEAKER_00
And at the end of the day, what I know for sure is like no s are almost never personal.
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They just think like, you won t make me money and that s it.
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I m not going to bet on you.
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There must be something though at this point that feels worthy in you though to go, there must be something that your self-worth is there.
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SPEAKER_01
It wasn t like it was non-existent.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah, so a couple things.
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So yes, yes, based on a couple things.
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One, prayer.
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and starting to believe God s word over my own doubt to a big tool that I go into a whole chapter in Worthy, the book on how to do this in your own life.
3
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It s actually what I was going to share earlier.
3
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So let me do it.
3
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So in the midst of that season, right?
3
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Cause you re like, how did you, where was that worth in you to get through years and years and years of rejections?
3
SPEAKER_00
Because by the way, not to give up the punchline, but we eventually got one shot on QVC.
3
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We got one shot, we got a 10 minute window and you guys to put this in perspective.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, 10 minutes.
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And here s what s wild is, especially, oh gosh, for anyone who needs to hear this today, who s letting other people s doubts about them equate to doubt in their own head, or they feel like, why is my business not taking off?
3
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I knew in my knowing, I knew this was going to be big.
3
SPEAKER_00
I knew it.
3
SPEAKER_00
Sometimes you feel like, is my intuition wrong because I m getting all these no s around me.
3
SPEAKER_00
We finally got this one shot.
3
SPEAKER_00
Finally, after QVC said no forever, one shot, which meant I got a 10 minute airing live on TV.
3
SPEAKER_00
So they broadcast to 100 million homes.
3
SPEAKER_00
We get one shot.
3
SPEAKER_00
Now, to put this in perspective, you guys.
3
SPEAKER_00
A lot of pressure.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, and we were only selling, at that point, we were only selling like two to three orders a day on our website.
3
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Barely alive.
3
SPEAKER_00
Uh-huh.
3
SPEAKER_00
And and I found out in this one shot we had to sell over 6,000 units of our concealer to hit their sales number or not come back because when you re live on television you have to hit the same sales numbers as you know, Apple iPhone Dyson vacuum any anyone else that inventory to them is worth a
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, that airtime, yeah, because it s not like a store where a bunch of people can coexist.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s that one 10 minute window.
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SPEAKER_00
And then I learned, okay, we have to sell 6,000 units, but guess what?
3
SPEAKER_00
It was a consignment offer.
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SPEAKER_00
That meant we had to pay for all the inventory, manufacture it, ship it in, not guaranteed anything.
3
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Then I go live for 10 minutes in my one shot.
3
SPEAKER_00
If it does not sell, we take it all back.
3
SPEAKER_00
which means we go bankrupt.
3
SPEAKER_00
We didn t even have the money to say yes to this, and so we went out and tried to get SBA loans, and 22 banks said no, and they should have.
3
SPEAKER_00
The 23rd bank, which was California Bank and Trust.
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SPEAKER_00
I used to bank with them.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, you did?
3
SPEAKER_00
Back in the day.
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SPEAKER_00
Oh my gosh.
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Okay, that makes me happy.
3
SPEAKER_00
They said yes.
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They gave us an SBA loan just to cover this one purchase order and a little bit more.
3
SPEAKER_00
And so I m like,
3
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Okay, we re going all in.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then we took that little bit more and we hired third party consultants and they all told me the same thing.
3
SPEAKER_00
They re like, in order for you to have a shot at this, at you hitting these sales numbers, here s what you need to do.
3
SPEAKER_00
Use this exact type of model.
3
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You know, et cetera, et cetera.
3
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And I said, listen, I m really trying to like change the beauty industry.
3
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What if I put models in their teens and models in their 80s?
3
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And what if I take my own makeup off and show my bright red rosacea and I can prove the product works on live TV?
3
SPEAKER_00
And they were mortified.
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like mortified, because it hadn t been done.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I sat in this place, and I just want to call this out for anyone listening in this spot, where I had this knowing, like I knew why I was doing it.
3
SPEAKER_00
It felt bigger than myself.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I had this knowing I was supposed to do it, but everyone else was telling me no s.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, no, you shouldn t do it.
3
SPEAKER_00
No, you re not the right fit.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I feel like in life,
3
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When you learn to listen to your own intuition, your own knowing, whether you believe it comes from the universe or God or whatever you believe, I think every one of us, our intuition s more powerful than anyone else s advice.
3
SPEAKER_00
And so many of us are in that spot between, oh, I have a knowing, but I m getting no s from everyone else.
3
SPEAKER_00
Or I have this knowing, but I m telling myself no in my own head that I m not enough.
3
SPEAKER_01
Do you think, though, people were saying no because they re projecting their own self-worth onto you?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yes, and because when you are doing something authentically in this world, by definition, it s never been done before.
3
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When I wrote this chapter in this book, in my new book, Worthy, called You re Not Crazy, You re Just First, you don t have to be the first ever to think of something.
3
SPEAKER_00
Just right now, you deciding, you being one of the brave ones to show up.
3
SPEAKER_00
Why so many people connect with you on media?
3
SPEAKER_00
I believe, Lauren, on social media, you freaking fully show up authentically as who you are.
3
SPEAKER_00
You do.
3
SPEAKER_00
And when you re one of the brave ones who shows up as who you authentically are,
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, it s never been done before, you re first.
3
SPEAKER_00
And so, for everyone listening, if you buy, there has never been another you before, there will never be another you again.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, you are the first, you.
3
SPEAKER_00
And if you re one of the brave ones willing to show up in your business, in your ideas, in your art, in your show, in anything else as who you authentically are, not everyone s gonna get it.
3
SPEAKER_00
They re gonna think, because subconsciously it s never worked before,
3
SPEAKER_00
It s never been done before.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s a really interesting observation.
3
SPEAKER_01
You re that s you re right.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, that s 100% right.
3
SPEAKER_01
You mentioned there s an
4
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exercise that the audience can do.
4
SPEAKER_02
Will you walk us through the exercise?
4
SPEAKER_02
Let s put Michael on the spot.
4
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Okay, let s do it.
4
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So in that spot you guys, so I applied this exercise and then I ll take everyone through.
4
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When I walked in the building, we got the 10 minutes, we had the one shot.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I applied this exercise about instead of attaching a certain meaning to all past rejections,
4
SPEAKER_00
I reframed them, believed in empowering meaning around them and was able to walk in the QVC building in this one shot, which I learned by the way, walking in, you re not guaranteed the 10 minutes.
4
SPEAKER_00
If you go live and you have to hit the sales numbers.
4
SPEAKER_00
By the second, if you re not hitting them, you might think you have 8 minutes left in your 10-minute thing, but they cut your time live.
4
SPEAKER_00
So I remember walking in the building.
4
SPEAKER_00
I remember the 10-minute clock and it started like 9.59, 9.58.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I just remember like, okay, I can trust what other people are telling me to do or I can go with my knowing and take my makeup off and try to connect with real women over what I know I m supposed to do with this brand, over who I am authentically.
4
SPEAKER_00
And everything was on the line because if it didn t work, we would have gotten bankrupt.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I remember like I had on double spanx, not because I cared how I looked, but I was like sweating so much because I was scared shitless.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like I was like, it was one of the most defining moments in my life of trusting my knowing over all the knows happening around me.
4
SPEAKER_00
And in that moment when the lights went on and the countdown clock started, I remember the moment when my bare face bright red before shot came up on national TV.
4
SPEAKER_00
I remember walking over to the models like every age and shape and size and skin challenge that they were dealing with and skin tone and calling them beautiful and meaning it.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I remember we got down to like the one minute mark and I didn t know how we were doing but we weren t cut yet.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then the host says, the deep shade s almost gone, the tan shade s almost sold out.
4
SPEAKER_00
It was the 10 minute mark because I had risked it all and went against everyone s advice and like tried to stay true to the authenticity of the brand.
4
SPEAKER_02
And most people would never take their makeup off on live TV.
4
SPEAKER_02
And so that was that s that s authentic.
4
SPEAKER_02
It s real.
4
SPEAKER_02
And it s also especially then and it s showing you like you also can see the transformation in real life as opposed to these airbrush images.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, and it was just, at that time, it hadn t been done.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I just remember at the exact 10-minute mark, I didn t know how we were doing.
4
SPEAKER_00
I knew we weren t, they hadn t cut me yet.
4
SPEAKER_00
And the 10-minute mark hit, and the giant sold-out sign came up across the screen.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I start crying on national television.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I remember they cut from me and went to Dyson vacuum or something.
4
SPEAKER_00
And my husband comes rushing through the double doors.
4
SPEAKER_00
I thought he was gonna hug me, because I m like, ah!
4
SPEAKER_00
And he s like, we re not going bankrupt!
4
SPEAKER_00
And I m like, real women have spoken.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I was like sobbing.
4
SPEAKER_00
And that one airing turned into five that year, 101 the next year.
4
SPEAKER_00
And eventually we did over, I did over a thousand live shows on QVC and we built.
4
SPEAKER_00
Holy shit.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, we built the biggest brand, beauty brand in their history.
4
SPEAKER_00
And it still is to this day.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I only share that because it was years of them saying not only no, but you re not the right fit.
4
SPEAKER_00
And don t do that.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, exactly.
4
SPEAKER_00
And all the third-party consultants that were like, this isn t going to work.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so, yeah, it was another huge lesson of trusting your own knowing over everyone else s knows.
4
SPEAKER_00
But had I not learned how to apply this framework, it could have never happened.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so in Worthy, there s a whole chapter called, when you change your relationship with rejection, you change your life.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so here s the thing.
4
SPEAKER_00
As human beings, all of us, right, we re wired to avoid pain at all costs.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like for most of us, we re wired to avoid pain at all costs, which is why a lot of us will not go to the gym to avoid the pain of working out, even though we know we want the outcome or whatever it might be.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so for a lot of us, we have a meaning, and you know how everything is the meaning we assign to things.
4
SPEAKER_00
And for a lot of us, we have a negative meaning we assign to rejection or failure.
4
SPEAKER_00
which makes sense that they both suck, but we assign a lot of pain to both of them.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so it keeps us stuck.
4
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It keeps us from going after things.
4
SPEAKER_00
A lot of us have let them take root in our self-worth and we think we re a reject or we re a failure because of past mistakes.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so there s a four-part framework.
4
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So that totally flips this on its head and it s how I was able to endure
4
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hundreds of rejections and still keep going and not think, oh, I m a failure or a reject or I need to stop or my intuition s wrong.
4
SPEAKER_00
And this is big.
4
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So the first R is to, it s called reveal.
4
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And this is a question for everyone listening and for the two of you and me and everyone listening, like answer this really honestly with yourself.
4
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When you imagine yourself getting rejected or failing at something, what s the very first thought that goes through your head?
4
SPEAKER_00
Like, without even thinking about it.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like, what s the first thing you think when you get rejected or you fail at something?
4
SPEAKER_02
Literally, that s so weird that you just said that.
4
SPEAKER_02
I was going to say, what s next?
4
SPEAKER_02
But I had hundreds of rejections too, so that s a muscle that I ve built.
4
SPEAKER_02
If you would have asked me,
4
SPEAKER_02
15 years ago, I don t think I would have said that.
4
SPEAKER_02
You re talking to two people that have had a lot of rejection.
4
SPEAKER_02
But that s also 6 million hours of therapy on the podcast with people like you.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yes, yes.
4
SPEAKER_02
So, I don t think I m a fair person to ask.
4
SPEAKER_03
And also, we used to get, I remember early days starting, we used to get personally offended.
4
SPEAKER_03
Like, oh my god, I can t believe somebody likes to get it.
4
SPEAKER_03
I can t believe someone doesn t see the vision.
4
SPEAKER_03
You realize like they just at the time either believe it s not the right fit or they re not going to make money or whatever.
4
SPEAKER_03
It really is nothing to, it may have nothing to do with you personally.
4
SPEAKER_02
I ve learned through meditation not to let history define my future.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_02
But if you asked me 10 years ago, the answer would not be what s next.
4
SPEAKER_00
No, but here s what I love.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay, I want everyone listening to hear what s next, right?
4
SPEAKER_00
That s big because success leaves clues.
4
SPEAKER_00
Right?
4
SPEAKER_00
That famous saying.
4
SPEAKER_00
And when people see where the two of you are right now, and then they wonder, okay, what are the tools to get there?
4
SPEAKER_00
The fact that you both said, what s next?
4
SPEAKER_00
So that is your current definition of rejection or failure.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay?
4
SPEAKER_00
Without us knowing it.
4
SPEAKER_00
Everyone listening, when I said, what s the first thought you think of when you get rejected or fail at something?
4
SPEAKER_00
For me, most of my life, it s, oh yeah, there s proof I m not enough.
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Something that is a non-negotiable in my day is meditation.
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It s by Melissa Wood Tepperberg.
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She s been on this podcast three times.
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She has an app that has, in my opinion, the best meditations.
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I will take my son, I will put him in the stroller, and there is a 16 minute
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One thing that I do every single morning, and if I can do it at night too, I do, is dry brushing.
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I was at a CEO summit recently, literally 1,000 people in the room, and I asked this question.
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SPEAKER_00
The answers that came out of people s mouths, oh my gosh.
5
SPEAKER_00
So when I said, what s the first thought, and maybe people listening can relate to this, what s the first thought you have when you get rejected or fail?
5
SPEAKER_00
Be really honest.
5
SPEAKER_00
Don t think about it and come up with an answer.
5
SPEAKER_00
Be really honest.
5
SPEAKER_00
People were shouting out things like, I suck, I m a loser, I m stupid, I shouldn t have ever tried, you know, what was I thinking?
5
SPEAKER_00
I mean, it was like, and people were crying.
5
SPEAKER_00
And this was a business conference.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I think people had never actually even realized the first thing that they think.
5
SPEAKER_00
And for me, most of my life is like, yep, proof again, I m not enough, right?
5
SPEAKER_00
I don t say that out loud.
5
SPEAKER_00
I don t admit, I would never even be aware of that.
5
SPEAKER_00
But that was my first thought.
5
SPEAKER_00
For the two of you now, which is huge, and this is such a great example, I love that you shared that, it s what s next, right?
5
SPEAKER_00
So, okay, everyone who just went through that, just take note of that first thought you had.
5
SPEAKER_00
And for some of us, there s a few of them.
5
SPEAKER_00
For some of us, we think, oh, I m not enough, I suck, I m a loser, I m stupid, I shouldn t have even tried.
5
SPEAKER_00
The list goes on and on.
5
SPEAKER_00
For Ed, I m not enough still to this day.
5
SPEAKER_00
So take note of that.
5
SPEAKER_00
And that s your current definition of rejection and failure.
5
SPEAKER_00
And why this is important is because for so many of us, if our current definition is painful,
5
SPEAKER_00
we will not go for the things.
5
SPEAKER_00
We will stay stuck.
5
SPEAKER_00
We won t go after it because we ll associate so much pain with the potential of rejection or failure.
5
SPEAKER_00
And so the first step that I go through in here is, okay, what s your current definition?
5
SPEAKER_00
Then the next step is to redefine it.
5
SPEAKER_00
And so this is why I m excited about what you guys shared because you ve gone through this, you ve gone through this and success leaves clues, right?
5
SPEAKER_00
And so, and so
5
SPEAKER_00
So two things, when I shared like that season of hundreds and hundreds of rejections, there was one super painful rejection where I was crying my eyes out under my covers.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I just decided to Google everyone I admired most in business who had like changed the world or thought leaders who had helped heal humanity through love.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I just was Googling all of them one day and reading their stories.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, they ve all gone through countless rejections and failures.
5
SPEAKER_00
They re just the brave ones willing to keep going anyway.
5
SPEAKER_01
We still get a ton of no s.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, me too.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like all the time.
5
SPEAKER_00
Me too.
5
SPEAKER_01
Even for this show, for example.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
Like we will ask all sorts of, I think people will see guests like yourself come on and they don t realize for every one yes from someone like yourself, there s like 10 no s.
5
SPEAKER_01
Like it s not the right time, not the right fit.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
You know, but again, it s like on to the next.
5
SPEAKER_01
Like, okay, well, who s going to say yes?
5
SPEAKER_00
So what I love, okay, so that day when I wrote, when I was like, oh wow, they ve all gone through a million rejections too.
5
SPEAKER_00
They re just the brave ones that keep going.
5
SPEAKER_00
I wrote in my journal, rejection does not mean I m not enough.
5
SPEAKER_00
Rejection means I m one of the brave ones willing to keep going for it anyway.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m not gonna sit on the sidelines of life living in regret.
5
SPEAKER_00
Every time I get rejected, I m going to decide, I m going to assign the meaning to it that like, oh, this is a victory.
5
SPEAKER_00
It means I m one of the brave ones willing to keep going for it.
5
SPEAKER_00
And what happens is I no longer associate pain with rejection or failure.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I start to rewire literally the neural pathways in my brain to associate empowering thoughts with rejection or failure, right?
5
SPEAKER_00
Another one is rejection is God s protection.
5
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I start stacking these up in a toolkit and I teach everyone how to do that in your own life to build these new meanings that you believe are true.
5
SPEAKER_00
And then when it happens, you no longer let rejections take root as like, oh, I m a failure.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m a reject.
5
SPEAKER_00
They no longer impact your self-worth.
5
SPEAKER_00
You now are unfazed by rejection or failure.
5
SPEAKER_00
the way the two of you are with what s next onto the next, like that is an empowering definition, right?
5
SPEAKER_00
For some people, their new empowering definition is like, okay, this is another rejection and one step closer to the yes, or I m putting in the reps.
5
SPEAKER_00
And so going through this and then learning, and I go deep in like this masterclass about how to do this in the book about, okay, you can write out a new one, but how do you really believe it to the point where you can fundamentally shift your business, your goals, your dreams, your confidence in relationships,
5
SPEAKER_00
The third part to this, and this is a big one, I d be curious if you guys have done this in your life yet, especially with the blessing of just so many incredible shows you ve put out, like over 600 shows, right?
5
SPEAKER_00
I think I read, and just all the therapy, a lot of shows.
5
SPEAKER_01
In a weird way, it s been a lot of therapy on the show, but you know what, quickly, I also realized that I learned some of these lessons early on because I would see some of, not myself, because I ve been with Lauren,
5
SPEAKER_01
you would see some of my guy friends and you would see some other ones you d be like that one s the ladies man and this one is not right which is like you would but many times the person who you would think would not be getting the girls would always get the girls and the other one didn t have the self-worth to believe but the key was
5
SPEAKER_01
The ones that did, I would watch them and it was like they knew every night like eventually someone will say yes to a date and they would approach over and over and they would get a ton of rejections but they just kept going.
5
SPEAKER_01
Or you d have the other side would go to one and get one rejection and just crush them.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I would observe this stuff and I m like, huh.
5
SPEAKER_01
This one guy is getting rejected over and over, but it s like not phasing at all.
5
SPEAKER_01
The other one takes one rejection.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s like the night is destroyed.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it s the meaning we attach to it.
5
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
And so when you redefine it, and then the third R is my favorite, which is revisit.
5
SPEAKER_00
Here s the thing, y all.
5
SPEAKER_00
So many of us have past rejections or failures.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I m talking about somebody we dated who just crushed our heart or a person who did not know how to love us
5
SPEAKER_00
the way we needed to be loved in our family or friends, something that happened growing up.
5
SPEAKER_00
Or it could be even like a recent rejection, like someone applying for a job and they wanted it so bad and the person didn t see their value and they didn t get the job or whatever.
5
SPEAKER_00
I love to go back and revisit because a lot of us are hanging on to past rejections or failures that we ve let take root in our identity without realizing it that tell us that we are a failure or that we are
5
SPEAKER_00
unwanted or rejected.
5
SPEAKER_00
And like two quick examples, you know, I was adopted and most growing up my parents worked all the time.
5
SPEAKER_00
And so between those two things, I sort of like had labeled myself in a way unwanted or abandoned.
6
SPEAKER_00
And that came out in some wild ways in relationships and in all kinds of things and me not firing employees quick enough because I didn t want to abandon anyone else even though they had betrayed me or whatever it was, just unhealthy ways.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I went through this process of literally redefining things and I m like, oh, I m not abandoned.
6
SPEAKER_00
I m not unwanted.
6
SPEAKER_00
Like I m chosen.
6
SPEAKER_00
Like my birth mom chose to bring me into this world, and my adoptive parents chose to raise me, and God chose me to come.
6
SPEAKER_00
Like I redefined it, and I no longer let that take root.
6
SPEAKER_00
But my favorite one that I use actually almost every day, because we all get rejections, like to your point, right?
6
SPEAKER_00
A friend doesn t invite us, we re not invited to the party.
6
SPEAKER_00
Whatever it is, my favorite one for someone who needs to hear this, I already know in my soul someone listening to us needs to hear this today.
6
SPEAKER_00
for anyone who has had someone, like, betray them, pull the rug out from under them, not see their value, mistreat them, whatever it is, I literally, I will, and when this happens to me in my life, which is all the time, all of us all the time, I will imagine my creator saying to me, oh, you weren t rejected.
6
SPEAKER_00
I hid your value from them because they re not assigned to your destiny.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I believe that.
6
SPEAKER_00
And that definition I now have applied to past rejections or failures.
6
SPEAKER_00
This is life changing.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s business changing.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s relationship changing.
6
SPEAKER_00
When you can go back and look at those things that you realize, oh, wow, I ve assigned this meaning to them.
6
SPEAKER_00
but I m gonna revisit, I m gonna be like, oh no, no, wait, I wasn t rejected.
6
SPEAKER_00
Like, oh yeah, whatever you believe, the universe, God, your creator.
6
SPEAKER_00
No, you reframe it.
6
SPEAKER_00
Reframe it, like God, oh.
6
SPEAKER_00
I love a rebrand.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yes, exactly.
6
SPEAKER_00
But it s empowering.
6
SPEAKER_00
And to use your example, I m so fired up about that, it s so good because it s so true.
6
SPEAKER_00
The dude that gets one rejection is like, oh, it s so bad.
6
SPEAKER_00
And then, unfaze, unfaze, I m gonna get the night, I m gonna get the night.
6
SPEAKER_02
these guys walking like ping-pong balls and it s just like watch them in the bar.
6
SPEAKER_01
There s something kind of hot too about someone who gets knocked down and gets back up.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s funny my entire life I watched my dad, because he s an entrepreneur, like that.
6
SPEAKER_01
Get knocked down and get back up.
6
SPEAKER_01
Get knocked down and get back up.
6
SPEAKER_01
That s what you do.
6
SPEAKER_01
Jay-Z says the genius thing we did was we never give up.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s so true.
6
SPEAKER_02
I ve had failures in my life, and at the time I was trying to explain it and it sounded a little bit psychopathic or arrogant, but listening to you talk, so when I had the failures, I think there s two choices when you have a setback in life.
6
SPEAKER_02
You tell yourself you re a failure, in which case I think you become more of that, or you tell yourself, hey, that was just a setback and I m still a winner and I can keep going.
6
SPEAKER_02
But I remember I had family members that were like pushing me so hard to repent and be like, that was a failure and call yourself a failure.
6
SPEAKER_02
And I refused to do it at the time.
6
SPEAKER_02
And the way I explained it is like, if I start telling myself that story, that s exactly what my story will be.
6
SPEAKER_02
So I can t even look at it, even though objectively there were failures and there were things that were objectively setbacks.
6
SPEAKER_02
But if I started telling myself that over and over, my fear was like, that will be what my life will become.
6
SPEAKER_02
And so I just started reframing and saying, you know what, that wasn t a failure.
6
SPEAKER_02
It was a learning lesson to put me in the better direction.
6
SPEAKER_02
And I just kept repeating that.
6
SPEAKER_02
And I think like that s the distinction because... And did you believe it at your core?
6
SPEAKER_00
Like you let it take root.
6
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, but I... So, you know, I have, you have these friends and they ll say, well, every morning I manifest and I do gratitude.
6
SPEAKER_02
I go, yeah, that s good if you do that for 10 minutes in the morning.
6
SPEAKER_02
But if the rest of the day is spent telling yourself you re not those things, that 10 minutes isn t going to be enough to offset what you re telling yourself the majority of the time.
6
SPEAKER_02
So I just, it s almost like, I don t want to look into that abyss because that abyss will become the truth.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yes, and what you said too is so powerful because a lot of people, I love a good vision board, I manifest, I love it, and the other part of it, which is so many of us can manifest stuff on the vision board, but if we don t believe we re worthy of that stuff, because the story we re telling ourselves about ourselves is that we re not, and we don t even realize it,
6
SPEAKER_00
We can manifest all day long.
6
SPEAKER_00
We can have the best vision board.
6
SPEAKER_00
We could do all of it.
6
SPEAKER_00
But we will either sabotage the thing like I did with Oprah that day, or it will not come.
6
SPEAKER_00
Because if deep down inside we don t, our story, we re telling ourselves about ourselves, about our identity and who we are.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it says we re not enough.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it s the meaning we attach to all of it.
6
SPEAKER_00
And here s the thing that I love about building self-worth is it s so different than self-confidence.
6
SPEAKER_00
Self-worth, every single person listening to us right now is,
6
SPEAKER_00
fully worthy.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s not about like learning something to finally be worthy.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s not.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s about unlearning all the lies that we believe that tell us we re not.
6
SPEAKER_00
And how do you unlearn those and build your self-worth back up?
6
SPEAKER_00
And it s huge.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I think a lot of times it might sound like, oh, is worthy the book or self-worth is that for people that are struggling or broken or whatever, which all of us are both.
6
SPEAKER_00
But oh my gosh, for anyone who is like super ambitious and an achiever, has goals and dreams, has hopes, and doesn t know like why they still feel like they re not enough deep down inside, it s almost all of us.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s the one thing.
6
SPEAKER_00
It really is the one thing that changes everything.
6
SPEAKER_00
And so I really believe that you want to double your success, double your self-worth.
6
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I try to spend a lot of time now thinking about achievement in a different way because I think to your point, at some point,
6
SPEAKER_02
It s good.
6
SPEAKER_02
It can be good and it drives you to keep pushing to improve your life or your business or your relationship.
6
SPEAKER_02
But at some point if you can t ever be happy with that goal or what you achieve, you re just going to be on an endless hamster wheel.
6
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And you wonder like how sometimes you meet some of the most successful people in the world and they re not happy.
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And it s what you re talking about.
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Yes, exactly.
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Who needs to read Worthy?
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Who s the person?
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Yes, every person who has some self-doubt to destroy and a destiny to fulfill.
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So everybody?
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Everybody, everyone.
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If you, I mean, oh my gosh, I think self-doubt kills more dreams than almost anything else.
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And it is a lie.
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When we believe we are not enough, it is a lie.
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And the time to unlearn that lie has come.
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So anyone who knows like, oh yeah, I struggle with self-doubt and I don t want to anymore.
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Because that s the thing is, I think on a self-worth journey, you have to want to.
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You have to want to unlearn those lies and you have to want to really step into that and believe you re worthy of it.
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But yeah.
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This is a big moment for you, to have this book.
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I feel like this, you said it off air, like this is, I know It Cosmetics sold for a bajillion dollars, but this is like, this is, probably feels really good for you.
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Are you feeling that?
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Or not, because it s not out yet?
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Or you will feel it, I think.
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You know what, thank you for saying that.
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This book is the best work of my life.
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I m donating 100% of the proceeds to it.
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All my author royalties, everything.
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I m literally just doing it because I feel like I m called to.
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There s a famous quote by Rory Vaden who says, like in life, we re best positioned to serve the person we once were.
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And most of my entire life, no matter
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how much success I was like accumulating, I still felt like I wasn t enough.
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And it s, this is a book for anybody who wants to overcome that feeling.
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And I think like we were talking about purpose earlier and all that.
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And I think that like, and, and people that have gone through hard things and, and, you know, I believe that, that all of us, we think sometimes, oh, I should get my purpose in my job and I don t, and I should, and that all the things, I think it s the things that
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we re going through, the hard things we re going through that become the things we ve made it through, those things that then we can help other people make it through.
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And that s where I think we get our deeper sense of purpose.
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And for some of us, it s setbacks and horrible things we would not ever want to go through again or wish on anyone else.
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But we made it through them.
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We came out.
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We defied the odds.
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And then helping other people go through those things, I think, is one of the greatest ways to find purpose.
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And I think, you know, for me,
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Gosh, I came so close to doubting myself out of my own destiny so many times, you know, so many times.
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And I think about, okay, so I m launching my own show for the first time ever, having Oprah as my guest.
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Like, what?
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As my first guest.
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That almost didn t happen because for four years I didn t call her.
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And I think about everyone listening with us right now,
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What are the things all of us are doubting ourselves out of?
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You know what I mean?
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And so for me, I m just, I m fired up about
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The moment a man or a woman, the moment a person learns to believe they re worthy, that, I mean, I think about the unhealthy relationships that are gonna end, like the businesses that ll be launched, the ideas that ll be birthed, like the art and the offerings that ll be put out in the world, because someone will actually believe, oh, I am worthy of it.
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That s what I m excited about.
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Jamie, it s giving Oprah.
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Are you the Oprah of our generation?
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This is giving Oprah what you re saying.
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I m feeling Oprah vibes.
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You re really hitting the science of achievement in the art of fulfillment, as Tony Robbins would say.
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You re checking both the boxes.
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I m really happy for you.
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Someone in your position does not need to do this.
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That s why it s so cool.
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people will look at what you ve done in your life and they would have expected a different book.
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Does that make sense?
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Yeah.
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And to see you write this book, even with every, I think it, it shows people that like,
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you know, of course, achieve and do all the things, but this is really going to help people at every stage maybe do the same things that you ve done.
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And like you said, you can t get to that place until you do this kind of work.
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I also feel like this just adds another layer for you that s so cool.
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I mean, it s a whole, you re like an onion.
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Where can everyone buy your book?
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As are you.
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As are both of you.
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Oh, thank you.
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This is so great to be here.
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Thank you.
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So Worthy, it s out.
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I m so excited.
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You can get it anywhere books are sold.
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And I don t sell anything on my site, but at worthybook.com, there s lots of free gifts.
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Just thank you gifts for anyone who picks up the book.
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And it s on Audible and independent bookstores, Target, all the places.
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I m a Kindle reader.
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I m sure it s on Kindle.
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Yeah, Kindle.
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It s on Kindle.
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Did you do Audible?
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I did.
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So we can hear your voice.
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Yeah.
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Call me voice.
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And where can everyone follow you on Instagram?
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Yeah, at Jamie Kern Lima.
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Jamie Kern Lima on Instagram and then the Jamie Kern Lima show launching anywhere you get your podcasts or on YouTube.
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With Oprah Winfrey as her first guest.
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Go listen.
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Jamie, thank you for coming on.
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Come back anytime you want.
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You got to sign our books before you go.
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Thank you so much.
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Hope you loved this episode.
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Make sure you are subscribed to The Him and Her Newsletter, tscpodcast.com.
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And also, if you want to watch this episode, we are on YouTube now.
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Just search The Him and Her Show.
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I think that s so fun that you can now, like, be in the room with us, sort of.
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And on that note, we ll see you guys next time.