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My name is Lee Hawkins.
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I ve been a journalist for over 25 years.
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On my new podcast, What Happened in Alabama, I get answers to some of the hardest questions about how things came to be for many black Americans and the truth that must come before any reconciliation can happen.
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I investigate my family history, my upbringing in Minnesota, and my father s painful nightmares about growing up in Alabama.
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What Happened in Alabama is a new series confronting the cycles of trauma for myself, my family, and for many Black Americans.
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Listen now.
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Listeners, the show is called Don t Ask Tig, but it s definitely not called Tig Don t Ask.
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So I m going to do some asking right now.
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Here s my request.
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Send me your advice question at DontAskTig.org.
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Got a fresh conundrum?
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Something you want to confess to me and my audience?
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Plagued by a pet peeve?
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Vexed by bad etiquette?
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I probably won t be any help, but it ll be fun to try.
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So try me.
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Go to DontAskTig.org.
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I also welcome voicemails at 833-ASK-TIG-4.
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That s 833-275-8444.
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Also, don t forget to buy tickets for my ongoing national tour, which I m calling Hello Again.
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Tickets are available now at TigNotaro.com.
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Now on with the show.
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You know, when my first film premiered at Sundance, it was the year that you hosted.
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Oh, really?
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Oh, how crazy.
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2015.
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Yeah, yeah.
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Yeah.
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Well, here we are.
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We meet again.
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We survived.
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Yes, we re continuing to survive.
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Yeah.
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And you re in a cabin.
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You re surviving in a cabin.
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This might make my internet excuse a bit lame.
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I m in a cabin in Studio City.
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Oh, yeah, that is lame.
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I was picturing something more exciting or romantic.
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And no, I m not that far from the one on one right there.
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That s hilarious.
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This is Don t Ask Tig.
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I m Tig Notaro, directing you not to ask me.
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My next guest is a writer, editor, producer, and director.
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She co-wrote and directed the Marvel movie, Eternals.
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She won the Academy Award for Best Picture for her film, Nomadland, as well as Best Director, making her only the second woman to win the award and the first woman of color.
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Chloe Chow, it s an honor to have you on Don t Ask Tig.
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Thank you for having me.
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Thank you for being here all the way from your cabin in Burbank, you said?
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Studio City.
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Studio City.
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Same thing, right?
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Yeah, when I say cabin, people have a very different
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Yeah, I did.
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And then you blew it for me.
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A cabin with no internet.
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Right.
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That s why it starts to seem romantic and cool.
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And then you reveal that you re near the 101 freeway.
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But yeah, Chloe, as I mentioned, you wrote and directed Nomadland, which is about a woman in her 60s who lives in a van and travels through the US.
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And there s something similarly romantic about your cabin.
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But the reality shown in the movie is also, it s very gritty.
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Is that mix of romance and reality something you thought about in the making of the film?
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I think it s because when I watch movies or read stories, a little bit fact, a little bit poetry is what I need to be engaged and to survive.
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Sometimes so much poetry, you know, I get lost.
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Too factual.
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I resist.
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So the combination of the two is attractive to me.
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That makes sense.
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It kind of reminds me of my writing with stand-up.
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I like to base it in reality, and then I like to allow myself to go in a cartoon version in my head.
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Yeah.
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It s similar, I guess.
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Yes, very similar.
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If you couldn t be a creative artist for your day job, which obviously most people can t, what would you do?
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Would you travel the country in a van?
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Not after what I have done.
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No, I would like to have like an animal sanctuary kind of thing.
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Although when I was a kid, people asked me where you want to be.
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I said private detective.
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I think everyone kind of goes through that phase.
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I think so.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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So maybe not anymore.
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So animal sanctuary would be nice.
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It d probably be hard after the recognition you got to be a private investigator at this point.
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I think I blend in pretty okay.
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See, I feel the same about me.
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I just I feel like I look like the most generic lesbian in the world.
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I m like, five, five.
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I recognize you.
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Short brown hair, brown eyes.
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I went to Mount Holyoke, so.
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What s that?
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I went to Mount Holyoke.
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It s the oldest women s college in this country.
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Oh, yes.
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Mount Holyoke.
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Yeah.
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Wow.
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I was about to make the joke that I did see a couple of you.
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Yeah.
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We re everywhere, but I always feel like I look like the president of this particular look.
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The archetype.
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You re presenting the archetype.
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Right.
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I like to call it the president of this look.
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The president.
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I like that.
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Yeah.
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It s funny because when my wife and I talk about what we would want to do if we didn t do what we did,
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I always say that I would deliver pizza, vegan of course.
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Oh, Peter Parker of you.
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And I would just enjoy the smell of pizza in the car and listen to whatever music I like and then just get cold hard cash in my hand after delivering it.
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And my wife Stephanie would like to work in one of those booths where you press a button and the bridge opens and the boat goes through.
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Oh, well, there s a lot of power in that position.
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Well, and she said a lot of time for her to read books.
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Yes.
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I get very nervous when I leave a parking garage.
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I don t know why.
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Yeah.
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It s like I always feel like I ve done something wrong.
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So the person who is going to let me out, I always get very anxious that I might say something wrong.
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They get upset.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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There s power to that.
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There sure is.
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Now, since this is an advice show, is there anything you ve been wanting advice about?
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Maybe.
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I can help you out.
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I can t promise it.
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I mean, so many.
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Where do I even start?
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Oh, well, only one.
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I will say this morning I woke up feeling a little angry, feeling a little bit
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you know, shaken by what s going on out there in the world.
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And I usually not detach myself, but I usually take a step back and know my role as a storyteller is important to not get too inflamed.
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That s not my position in this society.
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It wouldn t necessarily benefit what I m supposed to do, you know, telling stories.
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So I guess the advice would be like,
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How do you take that step back?
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Do you take a shower?
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Do you talk to your wife?
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How do you get centered?
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Well, I love to take baths, if we re gonna get really specific.
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But I know what you re saying, that you feel like it s not your position.
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I feel like a storyteller.
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I m a comedian, writer, but that s just one part of who I am.
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And so I do think that it s good to be angry as long as it s being used the right way.
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Yeah.
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Because it certainly can motivate.
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Yeah.
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And I m sure you do more things than just tell stories.
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And I think that that s one good thing about getting that type of information about the world is when you get angry, making sure that you re channeling it to do something that is going to hopefully change something.
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Yeah.
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But obviously, you do tell stories and you are changing the world in that way.
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But what will you do with the other parts of you to help change the world and to direct your anger in a positive way?
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I was just talking about this with my therapist yesterday.
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about how anger can be good if it s directed in the right way.
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Yeah, I guess fire is the only thing that really transforms with other elements.
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And then so for water to come through, the fire has to burn first.
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It s not always a bad thing.
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Yeah, yeah, you have to have darkness for there to be light.
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Yeah, you have to have light for there to be darkness.
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So I think you re doing all right.
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I would just highly recommend a bubble bath.
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Bath is everything.
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I honestly, when I m surrounded by water, with hopefully some nice herbs in there and oils and I just, it feels like everything s gonna be okay.
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I m so connected.
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Right.
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We don t take enough baths.
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I do.
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But maybe you should take more.
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Yeah.
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So you re an Oscar winning filmmaker for the rest of your career.
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That s never going to change.
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Do you feel intimidated by that?
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Do you feel like, no, that makes sense.
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And I m an Oscar award winning director.
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Or are you like, what in the hell?
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Is there pressure?
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Do you put the pressure on yourself?
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Do other people put it on you?
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Or are you just like, that was that project, off to the next?
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A little bit that last one.
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Uh-huh.
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But I m not going to play it down by saying it didn t fulfill a fantasy.
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Yeah.
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You know?
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And that was great.
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Yeah.
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In that sense.
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And my parents are very happy.
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I bet.
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SPEAKER_03
But there s a lot of labels these days.
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Uh huh.
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Sometimes these labels are created for really important and good reasons.
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But also, there s many of them.
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And I sometimes feel that we live in a world where it s very comfortable for us to make sure people have labels so we can make sense of them in a world that is, you know, we don t even know what we believe sometimes, you know, it s so confusing with so much information.
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And I think as a creative, I need to always make sure that I keep shedding these labels so that I can hear my own voice.
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Otherwise, after a while, it s hard.
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Yeah, it s something that I for sure relate to when people ask about being a female comedian, a gay comedian, or how do you feel about being known for having cancer?
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I m always just like, call me whatever you want to call me, but it has nothing to do with me or how I see myself.
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You have so much multitude in you.
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You do so many different things.
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It s almost impossible to define you into one or two, three things.
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Or to really define anybody, but it s truly just like, I really don t care what people call me.
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I ll be over here writing jokes, you know, and then call me whatever you want.
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So in your training, like, particularly being a comedian, I mean, is there any advice you would have for people coming up?
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What I think about all the time is I would be getting on a road that I was set on or excited about or interested in, whatever it was.
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And then I think it s good to have the flexibility in what we do in our career to be able to shift
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your focus, shift your interests, your wants, your needs, your style.
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I think you have to be completely ready to pivot.
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And you might want this, want this.
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And there s a lot of no, no, no.
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And then if you just keep going in that direction of no, no, no, it doesn t always open.
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And so it might be good to just look to your left or right because there might be an entrance
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on the side of the building or in the back door or something.
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But I think that that really is what helped me because I got really focused in one direction.
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I kept hearing no, no, no.
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I didn t know for a long time to just turn a little bit, get a different perspective.
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That s a really good advice.
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Yeah.
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Anyway, Chloe, being a movie director involves giving out advice, right?
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Yeah.
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I mean, to some degree.
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To some degree.
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Well, I mean, it just depends on what your style is.
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There s some directors that I feel like aren t really giving advice.
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They re just like, whatever you want to do.
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And then there s others that are like, do this.
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Yeah.
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Where do you fall in that spectrum?
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I think that depends which actor you ask.
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Because whether you re a professional actor or non-professional actor, or even the camera, the production design, sound, it really depends on who the person you work with and how much you are already in line.
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And each project requires different things.
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Yeah.
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Well, I personally think you re overqualified to help my listeners.
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So are you ready to get started here?
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So try.
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All right, our first question is from a listener in need of creative counsel.
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Mary writes, I have an idea, nay, a great idea for a movie.
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Should I write it as a screenplay, which I ve never done before, or should I write it as a novel and hope it gets picked up as a movie, which I ve never done before?
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I ve written poetry and a few short stories, but I love TV and film.
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I would also like to make some money before I die, but that s secondary. 
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I, right away, I m like, oh my gosh, write the movie, not the novel.
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Writing a novel sounds like a living hell.
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Well, it s interesting because, I mean, I can imagine.
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Writing a novel definitely requires more work than writing a screenplay.
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I don t care who... It s just logistical.
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Yeah.
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But it s also, if you really want to make a lot of money, create your original IP.
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And that would be writing the novel version of it.
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And then it could be turned into many different things by people who can do it many different ways.
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And original IP is so rare.
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I mean, it s all about that these days.
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So I feel like if you have an incredibly original idea,
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And if you ve written short stories already, that s something.
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I don t think screenwriting is that complicated to learn.
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It s complicated.
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I think it s more complicated than people would imagine.
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It s hard to do it to a really incredible level.
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I m learning about it every day, reading these incredible scripts.
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But I feel like having a first draft, just to get it out of your system, is a very quick way to do it through a screenplay.
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Yes, indeed.
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Now, Chloe, are you willing to give out your personal phone number for Mary to call you or any random person to get your number and call you to submit their screenplays and maybe you ll direct?
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Maybe not my phone number, but I can give you my assistant s email.
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No, no.
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SPEAKER_02
Oh my gosh.
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Can you imagine how many people would send in... Six for six.
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Oh my gosh.
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I agree.
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I ve written a book.
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It s the kind of book that you could read by a pool in an afternoon and it took me four years to write.
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And that s a story I know.
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I know my own story, and it took me forever to write.
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And to write a novel, oh, my gosh.
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I guess, yeah, if you can write a novel, write it.
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But I would say, write a screenplay.
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I m on Chloe s side with this.
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Or if you have all the time in the world, or you can just whip up a novel, then do them both.
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But a screenplay definitely seems more reasonable.
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I believe there s something called the National Novel Writing Month where everyone just write a novel in a month.
0
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It doesn t matter the quality, just keep going.
0
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Get rid of your inner editor, just write.
0
SPEAKER_03
Oh, that s helpful.
0
SPEAKER_03
And maybe that s something interesting to participate because everyone all around the world is doing it in that month and then you can maybe get some partners online and do it together.
0
SPEAKER_02
That s perfect advice.
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Write your novel in one month and then write the screenplay and then we ll have Chloe attach herself as director.
0
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All right, Mary, I think it s fair to say that Chloe is an authority on this topic.
0
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So best of luck to you.
0
SPEAKER_02
All right, Chloe, sit tight.
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We re going to pause for a break.
0
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More questions when we return.
0
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That s good.
0
SPEAKER_01
a six billion dollar con.
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SPEAKER_01
It didn t take long for it to spread like wildfire.
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SPEAKER_01
You got to take a look at this really crazy gold stock.
0
SPEAKER_01
A buddy of mine got in at a dime.
0
SPEAKER_01
Which destroyed lives and devastated communities.
0
SPEAKER_01
Every little town across the nation, people have shares in this.
0
SPEAKER_01
We lost everything.
0
SPEAKER_01
And to date, no one has been brought to justice.
0
SPEAKER_01
Somebody knows more than we know.
0
SPEAKER_01
The $6 billion gold scam from the BBC World Service and CBC.
0
SPEAKER_01
Search for the $6 billion gold scam wherever you get your podcasts.
1
SPEAKER_00
And we are back.
1
SPEAKER_00
Chloe, this next question comes in the form of a segment we re calling Come Back to Me Later.
1
SPEAKER_00
Come back to me later.
1
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Everyone wishes they had the perfect response at the ready for certain social interactions.
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Come back to me later is the segment where we make that wish come true.
1
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Today s request for help comes from Kayla.
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Kayla writes, how should a parent respond when a stranger says, they re an only child, aren t they?
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Clear judgment in their voice about a toddler.
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Oh, man.
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How do they know I m only child?
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Are you an only child?
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And I ve heard that many times in my life.
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Yeah.
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Okay.
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I know not only to the parents, but to me, you re only child, aren t you?
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And what do you suppose it is about you that would make people call you out on it?
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Because you seem very low key to me sitting in a cabin by a freeway.
1
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Sometimes I don t always share my stuff.
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I ll be like, this is my room.
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I just want it to be exactly how I want it to be.
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SPEAKER_01
Uh-huh.
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SPEAKER_01
And then your roommate or your partner said, you re only child, aren t you?
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And so what do you say to that?
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I say, yes, girl, my, you know, this is my life.
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So you just own it.
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I think there s pros and cons of being like, for example, I also, when I m at a meal, I m not in a hurry to inhale everything, which my partner is a brother of three.
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Uh-huh.
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For him, I was like, why are you so in a hurry?
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We just sat down in a restaurant because he has brothers fighting for his food growing up.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
Oh, I see.
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SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
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SPEAKER_01
I think the grass is always greener.
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Yeah.
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And I say all that.
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Yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
Okay.
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Well, you know what?
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I ll add to that.
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Here we go.
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SPEAKER_01
Here we go.
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Being an only child, you do have a lot of time alone.
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And those lonesome times at a young age, you could be seen as very sad sometimes, lonely, but also you had a lot of inner dialogue.
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and imagination cultivated during those times.
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So I definitely wouldn t trade those times of mine for a sibling, no matter how much I wish I have one right now.
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Yeah, I mean, I ve heard it does tend to make people very creative and it kind of goes along with that idea of boredom and boredom being that necessary fuel for imagination and creativity.
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So it seems like judgment.
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And so the judgment element, you re saying to just own it and be like, damn straight, this is an only child.
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Sometimes when I was a kid, I ll miss, I mean, sometimes maybe not behaving my best.
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And it depends on the situation.
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Are you well behaved now?
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Sometimes.
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I think it depends on, you should never say that in front of a child.
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So I would say, protect your child, hold out the mirror and say, this is not about you, kid, it s about that person.
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saying it, just then walk away and make sure your child is okay.
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It s not, you know, causing trouble.
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Kayla could stoop to like an argumentative place with this person being judgmental and Kayla could say, yes, we weren t able to have more children.
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Oh, okay.
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Well, yeah, that kind of shot them up.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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I hate that.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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Regardless of what s going on in Kayla s life.
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Yeah.
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Because it reminds me of when people say smile when you re walking around and somebody tells you to smile and you could easily be coming back from a funeral or something.
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But I cheer up.
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Yeah, expecting so much of you and you re just trying to go about your life or maybe you re having a terrible day or life.
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I don t know, Kayla.
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I think your child s perfect.
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Yeah.
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All right.
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And I wouldn t worry too much about that.
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And I don t know if the kid is going to pick up on what that means if they re an only child, aren t they?
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But maybe they would.
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But if they re not, or they re not an earshot, I would just say, yeah, aren t they wonderful?
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As a child, looking at my mother, I would less likely look at that person, but how my mother react.
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That s a good point.
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If she is, I feel like embarrassed of me, that would really hurt me.
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I wouldn t care, especially a child, I wouldn t even care about that person.
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Not the way I would now as an adult, unfortunately, but it only mattered to me when my mother, if she is proud of me or if she protected me and know who I am.
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All right, well, Kayla, I don t know if any of that s going to help you.
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This show is called Don t Ask Tig.
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I also don t have kids, so don t listen to me on that one.
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Yeah, Chloe doesn t have kids and I have a show called Don t Ask Tig, so I don t know what we re supposed to do.
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All right, this next listener is a parent, just like our friend Kayla.
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Good luck, Kayla.
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Jessica writes, Hello Tig, I can use some parenting advice.
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My son has one more year left of high school.
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He s not a good student and lacks motivation to pass his classes or even show up sometimes.
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I m concerned that he s giving up and won t graduate.
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He wants to go into filmmaking and or animation as a career.
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He s very determined and a talented artist, but I worry that not having a diploma will hold him back.
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I want to be encouraging and supportive, but I end up nagging him instead.
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Should I push him more about school or let it go?
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Thanks for any advice or insight.
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Well, you know, this is where I struggle.
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I, I know we ve all heard this from me many times, but I ve failed three grades and I dropped out of high school and I only have a seventh grade education.
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My wife dropped out of high school, but she dropped out her senior year with a 4.1 because she knew she wanted to act and she has made a living as an actor since she dropped out.
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So I m terrible with this.
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And Stephanie and I talk about this all the time of like, what are we going to do as two dropouts with our kids?
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You know, but it feels like people are going to do what they re going to do.
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I mean, I went and got my GED and then my cat ate it.
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And what s left of it, I have framed on my wall in my office, nobody has ever asked for my GED.
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And I don t know, I don t know what to say.
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I think there is a world where if your child is showing so much passion about something,
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Is there any way to get them involved in some sort of filmmaking or animation camp or something to nurture that and show that you re on their side?
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I know it would have felt incredible to me if I was nurtured in that way.
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I mean, my mother did, my stepfather didn t understand it, and that was really hard for me.
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I mean, he came around years later, but...
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I think that when parents are rooting for their kid to do what they want to do, it feels so good and it creates confidence.
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And I think that ends up being the most important thing.
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And I m going to say it over a diploma.
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When I look back, that would have done me so much good if I was nurtured and pushed in the direction that I was going.
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because nobody s asked for any sort of certification in anything I ve done.
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But I want to hear what you have to say, Chloe.
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When you were reading out the question, I laughed because it was describing me in school because I was failing every class and all I wanted to do is to be an animator.
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Now, I didn t think I could make films, but I wanted to be an animator.
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So I just had this weird feeling that I didn t believe that this education system, as wonderful as it is, is made for everyone.
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I didn t think it was for me.
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I just could not pass these classes.
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or was interested in.
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And obviously every country has good and bad when it comes to their education system.
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I think we have to really look at where these education systems come from.
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If you really rewind a lot of time past, there s a lot of dogma to it that isn t very healthy, just like how we re trying to sort of loosen dogmas in many, many different areas in modern society, knowing that we might have given up something in the past that are important.
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I think the same is with the education system.
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I feel like if your child has a creative tendency and wants to tell stories, there s many other ways to learn.
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If I could do it, and I know many of my colleagues could do it without going to film school, I wouldn t have gone to film school.
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But I just did not, I didn t know anybody and I didn t, yeah, I couldn t quite do it myself.
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So I really didn t think I had a choice, but go to film school.
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But yeah, I think you re right, Kemps, and just make something, make something on your phone.
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Maybe encourage him to make something on the phone, you know, start a YouTube channel or something.
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Because more people are watching those than the movies these days.
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For sure.
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And what if you made some sort of deal?
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Like your graduation present will be a small budget to make a short film or something.
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Yeah, yeah.
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Because if your kid isn t looking like they re going off into college or anything like that, it might be nice to supply them if you have the finances.
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Or if you don t have the money, try and figure out a way in a do-it-yourself way, like Chloe s saying, with your cell phone or whatever it is, but to get involved with and interested in what they do and learn about it and help them make it or help fund a very low-budget thing.
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And that low-budget thing could be what would help them move into their career nicely.
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So that s what I think, Jessica.
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write us back and let us know how that works.
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We re going to take a quick break to answer a question that came in our Therapy Etiquette inbox.
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This segment is where we answer those awkward questions we all have as people getting the professional help we need and deserve and is sponsored by BetterHelp Online Therapy.
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An anonymous listener asks, is it a bad sign if your grief makes your therapist cry?
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Anonymous listener, I don t know that there s a one size fits all type answer here.
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My question for you is how did watching your therapist cry affect you?
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Did it make you uncomfortable?
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Does it make you feel more reluctant to open up in future sessions?
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Do you feel like you re walking on eggshells?
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Or did this confirm to you that your therapist is deeply listening and empathizing with you?
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You know, so much so that they shared in some of your grief.
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Is it relieving to see that they are still human?
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I don t know.
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I think no matter who you are, hearing other people s pain, it could probably make some people numb and then hear your therapist is really feeling it.
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Maybe they were going through something.
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I don t know.
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I could see this going in any which way, and the answer is probably all of the above.
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It feels complicated, just like emotion.
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Whenever I hear a song that my mother loved,
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it inevitably makes me cry.
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And I am feeling the happiest and saddest I ve ever felt in my life at one moment.
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And it only looks like sad.
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So it s definitely something that you need to figure out and talking to your therapist about it is probably good because they have that training and experience to reflect and check in about that relationship that you have.
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and the experience that you went through together.
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I think it s okay to bring up anything with your therapist, whatever they ve said or done and how it affects you.
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Maybe this is a good thing to get out of the way at the beginning of your next session.
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You could just say, hey, I wanted to check in about our last session.
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I saw that you got emotional and I wanted to talk about that and what it meant for you and for our work together in the future.
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Just remember, it s not your job to take care of your therapist s emotions, so don t be afraid to communicate about this and figure out the best way forward for you.
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I hope that s been helpful, or at least somewhat reassuring.
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We want to hear from you, so send us your therapy etiquette-related questions at DontAskTig.org.
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Thanks to our sponsor, BetterHelp.
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Now let s get back to our conversation with Chloe Zhao.
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Chloe, our last listener question is about sleep.
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Rebecca writes, hi Tig, do you have any tips for focusing or unfocusing your mind when you re trying to fall asleep or to fall back asleep after waking in the middle of the night?
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I often take a long time to fall asleep because my mind races to every possible topic.
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I m wondering if you have any tips for overcoming this, like in the realm of counting sheep.
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Are there other kinds of meditative techniques that help you tune out the noise to fall asleep?
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Well, Rebecca, you re writing to the right and wrong person, because I have started having trouble sleeping.
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And there s a few things I ve tried, and they all work on different nights, and then they all don t work on different nights.
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But I have found that they do work.
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It s just not always consistent.
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One of the things I have tried is CBD oil.
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I don t do it every night because I built up a tolerance and this isn t with THC, this is just the CBD oil.
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So I take that about an hour before bed, I put it under my tongue and I really let it sit there for like five minutes and then I go to bed and I usually fall asleep pretty well if I do that maybe once or twice a week if I spread it out.
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Another thing that I ve learned is I need to have earplugs in and that just really keeps me in like just the containment of my head and I m not distracted by listening for noises or hearing anything.
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And trust me, I have three cats, a wife, two kids.
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a father-in-law, we have a full house.
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And so I sleep with earplugs.
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And then another thing, speaking of counting sheep, what I do is I count backwards from 50, over and over.
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And you know what is so funny?
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When I m counting backwards from 50,
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Sometimes I ll lose track of counting and I ll get frustrated with myself and I ll realize the next day it s because I was about to fall asleep and I didn t know it in the moment because I m so tired.
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So I ll be like 30, 29, where was I?
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And in that moment, it s hilarious how I have no clue why I m struggling with numbers.
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But I m asleep within seconds.
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And then another thing I do is I make sure that the room is as dark as possible.
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I ll put pillows around my head and I don t close my eyes.
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I keep my eyes open.
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and I stare into the darkness of like a pillow wall and that will make my eyes tired.
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And that makes me end up falling asleep.
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Cause I ve noticed that when I watch TV or when my eyes are open, that s what makes me fall asleep is when I m awake is what makes me tired.
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So that s why I ve decided not to close my eyes.
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What about you, Chloe?
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Do you have trouble sleeping?
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I mean, my head race is like crazy too.
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So it s rough.
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This topic I m very passionate about just because it s a survival thing for people in my field.
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If we can t shut it off, then it s just over for us.
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We re going to just go insane because you live in your head all day long.
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Well, first of all, absolutely no cell phone for two hours before bed.
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I know this is so tough, but no cell phone two hours before bed.
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and no screens because that s just give yourself a huge head start.
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And I actually have been doing something that I use candles and not lights in the evening.
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Natural light.
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Yeah.
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If you look at my dogs, they usually are asleep.
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Doesn t matter what TV is blaring if the sound went down because they re in the circadian rhythm.
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But because of the amount of artificial lights that we have, it disturbs our sleep rhythm that we re naturally born with.
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So I use candles in the evening instead of house lights.
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It cheats sometimes, but that really makes a huge difference.
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Even when you re reading under candlelight, you get less motivated after a while.
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A sound machine is crucial for me because I have dogs that are guard dogs.
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So any little sound, they re going to bark.
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So having like a white noise sound machine, the one they use for babies, very helpful.
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You probably know this, taking a bath.
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not right away, but maybe like an hour before.
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Get your body temperature regulated.
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It s amazing.
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Then don t eat three hours before sleep.
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If you try not to snack, anything.
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The last thing is, it s going to be sounds a little...
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If I wake up in the middle of the night, and my head is racing, you can feel sometimes it s hard to even close your eyes.
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Your eyes are sore.
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And you can feel all the pressure in your head because you re just thinking.
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I use crystals.
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And I know that that might not work for someone.
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But when I put a crystal on my forehead, or one on my stomach, it just puts me to sleep.
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I don t know if it s the weight.
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or this pressure point or something, it just pull me down.
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Instead of, you know, I might lift it up with all these thoughts and the weight just like push me down back on the bed.
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Yeah, there s so many different things that work for different people.
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And I say, do it as long as it s not going to hurt you or something.
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But you know what I also have learned that is very helpful is going to bed and waking up at the same time.
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And I would hear about that and I d think, okay, sure.
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But when you really think about it, and maybe it s obvious to everyone, but it s to get yourself in a pattern and train your body that you re going to bed now, you re going to bed now, you re going to bed now, and you re going to wake up now and go to bed now.
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And it takes a while to get into that habit.
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But I go to bed, for sure I m in bed by 930 every night.
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Yeah.
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And my sleep is so important to me.
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And maybe don t drink a lot before bed because that can wake you up, you know, and you can get up and have to go to the bathroom.
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But I don t know.
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You know, there s
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For a long time, I felt a bit shameful about sleeping.
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There s this pressure that sleep, you know, I have so much to do.
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I need to work.
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I need to do stuff.
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And I m not recognizing that you are actually working when you re sleeping, the most important work.
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Yeah, I m embarrassed that I have such a problem with it and that I ve become one of those people that s like, oh my gosh, I haven t slept.
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Oh my gosh, I only slept two hours.
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Oh my gosh, I only slept four hours.
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That I feel shame about.
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I m so proud to go to bed early.
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I do my standup shows at seven o clock because I want to stay on my sleep routine.
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That s such a good message for people in our industry.
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Because sleep is considered like a problem we have, you know, better like fun ways to have less sleep so we can work more.
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Not me.
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I go on stage at seven.
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Good for you.
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I leave the venue at 830.
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I get home or to my hotel by nine and I m in bed by 9.30 to stay on my sleep routine.
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So if you ve seen me live and you think, why is the show at seven o clock?
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It s because I prioritize my sleep.
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Good for you.
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It s true.
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All right, well, hopefully Rebecca fell asleep during that advice we were giving.
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Chloe and I are rooting for you.
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Get a good night s rest.
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Chloe, before I let you go, there s one final thing that I need your help with.
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What s the best advice you ve ever received?
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Oh, wow.
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In terms of life or filmmaking?
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Anything, anything.
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In terms of filmmaking, it was that you gotta live a life to tell stories.
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I was very eager to go to undergrad to study film.
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Not saying that that s not the way to do it, but I haven t really traveled or met people, you know, I haven t really lived.
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So I was advised to try to understand the world a bit more before diving into all the technical things.
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That was a huge, huge crossroad that I was at, and I think it made a big difference.
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The best advice I received in life would be that you don t really have to shout if you know that you are in power.
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That s good.
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That s really good.
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What s the worst advice you ve ever received?
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I don t know.
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What s the worst advice you ever received?
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I have to think about that.
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What s the worst advice I ve ever received?
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Yeah.
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I don t know if it was exactly clear advice, but I remember being told that I was just eventually gonna become a TV writer, that a low-key female comedian isn t gonna become a headlining comedian.
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What d they say?
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Thursdays on NBC, there s not a show for that.
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you know, when it was network television that was running the world.
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And I remember thinking, Oh, okay, I guess that world isn t for me.
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But I m just going to keep doing it as long as I want until I have to become a TV writer.
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And then I just kept doing it.
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And
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You know, I write stuff, I write my comedy, my wife and I create and produce stuff together, but if I had just thrown in the towel and just gone and gotten a job writing for somebody else s show, I don t think I would be a happy person.
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And that s not to say that s a bad career or life, that works for some people, but it wasn t ever what I was looking for.
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Yeah.
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I think there s a lot of worse advice floating around.
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And I actually had an intuition about something really strongly.
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For example, this is not the right person to partner up with for work.
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I just, I know it so well.
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And then yet I get a lot of noises saying, Hey, maybe just spend some time with the person or like, you know, give it a go or try it all out of sort of good nature.
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And then you do it.
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And after you do it, you start to go, I made the effort.
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Let s just do it.
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And then when you re in the middle of a shit storm, you re like, why do I listen to my own intuition?
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Yeah.
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And if you get enough sleep, your intuition is 99% of the time the right thing to do.
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Yeah, you know what you re supposed to do.
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Yeah.
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All right.
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Well, Chloe, thank you so much for taking the time for being on the show.
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That was so fun talking to you.
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Yeah, so good talking to you.
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I got some good advice to go home with.
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Yeah, me too.
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Do you have anything you d like to let our listeners know about or promote?
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Get lots of sleep.
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You deserve it.
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Hopefully our paths will cross again and all the best to you.
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All the best to you as well.
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Thank you.
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All right.
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Thanks.
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Bye.
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Bye.
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One last thing.
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My tour, Hello Again, is headed to Birmingham, May 19th, Nashville, May 20th, Amherst, Massachusetts, May 25th, Ithaca, New York, May 26th, Ottawa, June 3rd,
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Toronto, June 4th.
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San Diego, July 23rd.
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Vancouver, August 5th.
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Victoria, August 6th.
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And Honolulu, August 12th.
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So hopefully I will see you there.
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Get your tickets and a list of all other upcoming dates.
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New ones are coming all the time.
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Go to TigNotaro.com.
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I want you to see.
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I wish that I could give you the answers.
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I wish that I could make you believe.
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I wish that I could put you on your path and set you free.
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That s what your heart needs.
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Don t Ask Tig is hosted by me, Tig Notaro.
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It s produced by Thomas Ouellette, Shana Deloria, and Ryan Lohr.
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Our executive producer and editor is Beth Perlman.
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Engineering and sound mixing by Eric Romani, Alex Simpson, and Derek Ramirez.
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Digital production by James Napoli.
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Talent booking by Marianne Ways.
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Production support from Pizza Shark.
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Our theme music is Friend and Tig by Edie Burkell and Kyle Crusham, and Listen to Your Heart by Edie Burkell.
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Special thanks to Hunter Seidman.
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APM Studios executives in charge are Chandra Kavati, Alex Schaffert, and Joanne Griffith.
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Concept developed by Tracy Mumford.
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Our executive consultant is Dean Capello and Gobsmack Studios.
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You can always ask for advice at DontAskTig.org.
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Just write in with your problem or send us a voice memo.
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Remember to follow us on social media at DontAskTig.
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DontAskTig is a production of American Public Media.
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And as always, thanks Dana, and I ll tell Becky.
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I m Christina Cauterucci, and this season on Slow Burn.
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It s called Proposition 6.
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The Briggs Initiative.
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John Briggs is going to fire every gay and lesbian school teacher in California.
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With so much at stake, young people became activists.
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We can t let this happen in California.
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And activists became leaders.
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My name is Harvey Milk, and I m here to include you.
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Slow Burn, Season 9.
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Gays Against Briggs.
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Out now, wherever you listen.