0
SPEAKER_00
Hello?
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SPEAKER_01
Hi.
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SPEAKER_01
Can I actually, uh, before we start, can I just leave you with the stream for like a minute?
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SPEAKER_01
Just go outside.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh yeah, you can go outside.
0
SPEAKER_01
So that I don t, like, disturb my family and shit, you know?
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SPEAKER_00
Go outside.
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SPEAKER_00
Go, go get it.
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SPEAKER_00
Get out of here.
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SPEAKER_00
Thank you.
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SPEAKER_00
Look at this guy.
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SPEAKER_00
Who is this guy?
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SPEAKER_00
Hi, Geck.
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SPEAKER_00
Hey man, what s your name?
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SPEAKER_00
I am Andy.
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SPEAKER_00
I noticed that you have a plus 420 area code.
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SPEAKER_00
What country is that?
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SPEAKER_01
Oh yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
That s the Czech Republic, my man.
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SPEAKER_01
The country of beer and casual racism.
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SPEAKER_00
There we go.
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SPEAKER_00
420 blazer.
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SPEAKER_00
Where in the Czech Republic are you?
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SPEAKER_01
Just in the Prague, you know, region.
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SPEAKER_00
Cool, man.
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SPEAKER_00
I went to Prague... I went to Prague, uh, like five years ago.
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SPEAKER_00
It was great.
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SPEAKER_00
Um, they have all these, like, cool underground bars and shit.
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SPEAKER_00
They have... What else do I remember from Prague?
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SPEAKER_00
I had, um... Oh, yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
Like, they had some... Bread bowl?
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SPEAKER_00
Goulash?
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SPEAKER_00
Is that what it s called?
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SPEAKER_00
No.
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SPEAKER_01
What the fuck?
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SPEAKER_01
I have no idea what that might be.
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SPEAKER_01
Oh, yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
And what fucking shithole that might be serving?
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SPEAKER_01
Well, oh, goulash is great though.
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SPEAKER_00
Is goulash not a Prague food?
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SPEAKER_01
Oh, yeah, yeah, it is not not like Prague food.
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SPEAKER_01
Maybe it s not even like Czech origin.
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SPEAKER_01
But yeah, it s it s heavily, heavily eaten here.
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SPEAKER_00
It sounds kind of like a death trap.
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SPEAKER_00
Like if somebody has been arrested, you send them to the goulash.
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SPEAKER_01
That s so good, man.
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SPEAKER_01
You can do this to me.
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SPEAKER_01
Call you with a depression and you make my mood good.
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SPEAKER_01
Fuck you.
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SPEAKER_00
Well, what s up, man?
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SPEAKER_00
Did you have a particular thing you wanted to talk about?
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SPEAKER_01
Well yeah, sort of.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s been like a long time brewing, like years.
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SPEAKER_01
And like, ever since like a year ago I found your stream, I wanted to call in, but I never actually dreamed of making it.
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SPEAKER_01
Fucking hell.
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SPEAKER_01
This is awesome.
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SPEAKER_01
So, uh, yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
Thank you, thank you.
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SPEAKER_01
So first of all, you know how the world is fucked, right?
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SPEAKER_00
Is that where we re starting?
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SPEAKER_00
The world is fucked?
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SPEAKER_01
Oh yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
That s well, you know, that s what I see everywhere.
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SPEAKER_00
So let s start here.
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SPEAKER_00
Let s start here.
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SPEAKER_00
Why do you, why do you see everywhere that the world is fucked?
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SPEAKER_01
Well, just because it is, you know, like I know I consume like too much American, like, you know, info.
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SPEAKER_01
So I know way too much about American stuff, even though
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SPEAKER_01
The stuff here, you know, in Czech Republic is basically fine.
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SPEAKER_01
But, like, compared to America, but still.
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SPEAKER_01
But yeah, I just, you know, I see all these, like, little clues that, you know, the capitalist system is fucking unsustainable and we need to switch off it fucking quickly.
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SPEAKER_01
Unless we want to, I don t know, get burned, I guess.
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SPEAKER_01
You know, stuff like that.
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SPEAKER_01
And I ve been thinking that maybe there s like a brute force method to it that you might be, or like someone like me might be able to go out to like, I don t know, an English speaking place.
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SPEAKER_01
Cause that sure as shit in here.
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SPEAKER_00
Are you talking about trying to kill the president?
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SPEAKER_01
Yes, exactly.
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SPEAKER_01
You got it on the nail now.
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SPEAKER_01
Of course not.
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SPEAKER_00
Okay, hold on, slow down for me real quick.
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SPEAKER_00
So you re talking about a brute force method?
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SPEAKER_00
By the way, just in case if any Secret Service members are watching, we re talking about killing the president of... In a video game.
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SPEAKER_00
...of McDonaldland.
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SPEAKER_00
Which is the Mayor McCheese, and that s not even a real person.
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SPEAKER_00
But anyway, okay.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah, exactly.
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SPEAKER_01
So, so... Yeah, no, I wasn t talking about like a violent resolution, just... You did say brute force.
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SPEAKER_01
Yes, but I meant, what I meant was, like, the world is evolving and we are progressing into a better future, but it s far too fucking slow.
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SPEAKER_01
So I wanted to just like go out somewhere where a lot of people can speak English and understand.
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SPEAKER_01
And, you know, like go to a fucking square and just speak my mind about this.
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SPEAKER_01
Just convince people that this shit is fucking wrong.
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SPEAKER_01
Because I know it is, you know, and maybe that way we could just jumpstart the whole process fucking in a day, maybe a week.
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SPEAKER_00
So you re talking about, you wanna go to a town square and just start rallying people about how the world is fucked?
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SPEAKER_01
Well yeah, not just about how the world is fucked, but how we can fix it super easily if we just, you know, stop alienating everyone who s different and accept some viewpoints that maybe don t really vibe with us or whatever.
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SPEAKER_00
How do you think we can achieve world peace, Andy?
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SPEAKER_01
Well, you know, dropping capitalism is the first thing, because the way I see it, it s the it s the top brass just, you know, using this concept of money to basically keep us in like what s called wage slavery, you know, where people live paycheck to paycheck and they can t really improve their lives or
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SPEAKER_01
you know, do anything with the money because they all have it, they have it all planned out with the money.
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SPEAKER_01
So I ve got a question for you.
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SPEAKER_00
So I know that, like, America is... I mean, I m dumb.
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SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
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SPEAKER_00
I haven t read the books, the Karl Marx stuff.
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SPEAKER_00
But I know that America is, like, known for, like, as, I guess, the most capitalist country, right?
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SPEAKER_00
And everyone s like, ah, and in different places they do it better.
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SPEAKER_00
But what s the system in the Czech Republic?
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SPEAKER_00
Is it the same thing or do you guys do it differently?
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SPEAKER_01
It s more or less the same, except, you know, over here in Europe, especially in the Union, we re a bit more socialized, or like, you know, we have a bit more socialistic tendencies towards, like, healthcare and education, which is sort of, I see it as the basics of what the state should fucking do.
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SPEAKER_01
And, you know, the US system just uses all that to just make more money, which is, again, capitalism.
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SPEAKER_01
And, you know, it gets its fucking roots into everything and fucking corrupts it into a way for someone, one rich asshole sitting on one rich asshole chair and just sit on a slightly bigger pile of money, you know?
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SPEAKER_00
So this depression that you re talking about, Andy, is it mainly centered around like social, political, economic issues at a large scale?
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SPEAKER_01
Well, you could argue that I m just projecting this shit and, you know, the depression is just me and the world isn t actually all that bad and it s getting better as fast as it can.
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SPEAKER_01
But I don t believe that.
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SPEAKER_01
I think we re better as human beings.
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SPEAKER_01
And I think we could do a hell of a lot better if we just communicated with each other.
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SPEAKER_00
Well, what s your personal life like?
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SPEAKER_00
Do you go to school?
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SPEAKER_00
Do you walk around?
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SPEAKER_00
What do you do?
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SPEAKER_01
No, I dropped school right before finishing high school because I saw it as a place of indoctrination, basically.
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SPEAKER_01
And now, yeah, I didn t work for like half a year after getting fired from a woodshop.
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SPEAKER_01
And then the woodshop got fired, too.
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SPEAKER_01
And the warehouse that got left hired me now.
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SPEAKER_01
So that s what I m doing now.
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SPEAKER_01
I m a warehouse worker, lowly, no wages warehouse worker.
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SPEAKER_01
And just, yeah, feeling super beaten down by capitalism.
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SPEAKER_01
I mean, I m privileged.
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SPEAKER_01
I have no, like, actual troubles, but I would like things to be different because I know there s way too many people that do face genuine fucking horrors.
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SPEAKER_01
You know?
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SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
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SPEAKER_01
I just feel like if someone went out and started talking about it honestly and passionately, people would see capitalism for the monster that it fucking is.
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SPEAKER_00
You know what I think is going to happen, Andy?
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SPEAKER_00
I think you re going to go out into the town square and you re going to step up on a box and you re going to rally the people of Prague and everyone s going to be
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SPEAKER_00
like yeah fuck yeah what and then you got you got all these people and they re all gonna look at you and be like well what do we do now and you re gonna be like fuck I don t know this far and then you guys can go storm a candy store or something like that yeah no because I didn t I don t think I would I will get that far but if I do I do have it planned out yeah you have you have a whole revolution planned out
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, sort of.
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SPEAKER_01
It s all, like, fuzzy in my head, because I haven t written anything of it down, but the concrete points still stand.
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SPEAKER_01
Because, like, the first thing we would have to do is just, you know, drop the concept of currency to release us from the shackles of our fucking capitalist overlords.
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SPEAKER_01
Which would free us, you know, to do whatever the fuck we please, finally.
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SPEAKER_01
And, you know, some people would see this as fucking anarchy, but I think we re better than that.
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SPEAKER_01
We wouldn t just, like,
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SPEAKER_01
fucking start killing each other, like the purge, just, just because there s no money to be had.
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SPEAKER_00
Well, what would we, if there was, if there was no money, what would, what would we do?
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SPEAKER_01
Well, what do you mean?
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SPEAKER_01
We would do whatever, like, you know, there s a ton of problems in the world and, you know, leaving money behind would just free us to deal with those problems, whether it s people needing help or
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SPEAKER_01
You know, the planet burning or whatever.
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SPEAKER_01
Shit like that.
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SPEAKER_00
Why don t you go start like a commune or something?
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SPEAKER_00
Why don t you go to the town square, rally up a couple hundred people and go start a little society?
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SPEAKER_01
Well, that would be nice, but that would still solve nothing because it would be just, you know, like you say, a couple hundred people.
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SPEAKER_01
living off the land that they choose to live off of.
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SPEAKER_01
But still, there would be the capitalist overload.
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SPEAKER_00
Andy, how the hell are you going to change the entire world if you don t even want to go and change a hundred people?
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SPEAKER_01
No, this isn t a question of scale.
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I m just saying that doing it on a lesser scale than the entire world would be pointless.
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SPEAKER_01
Because as long as there s, you know, countries fucking polluting or whatever,
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SPEAKER_01
and come with fucking, you know, what s, what are they called?
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SPEAKER_01
Companies.
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SPEAKER_01
Ah, just the capitalist overlords, you know.
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SPEAKER_00
As long as they re free to do whatever the fuck they want, they re gonna, like, fuck shit up to the fucking... Have you made a con... Have you unconsciously made a contract with yourself that you will be unhappy until all human suffering is eliminated?
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SPEAKER_01
Haha, not really.
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SPEAKER_01
You are close though.
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SPEAKER_01
I have made a contract with myself fully consciously that I won t start working on myself until I see the world start working on itself, you know?
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SPEAKER_01
Because I feel like whatever I feel about me is bad, I got from the world.
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SPEAKER_01
Because I feel like, you know, I can t help myself for shit.
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SPEAKER_01
I can t, uh,
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SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
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SPEAKER_01
I feel like I m, you know, fucking up all the time.
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SPEAKER_01
And I think I got that from like the general culture of the world.
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SPEAKER_01
Like, you know, people just not willing to help other people just because they re different and shit like that.
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SPEAKER_01
So I don t know how much sense that makes.
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SPEAKER_00
Well, it does make sense.
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SPEAKER_00
But when you say I m not going to help myself until I m not going to try to fix myself until the world fixes itself.
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SPEAKER_00
Does that just like does that just manifest itself as you
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SPEAKER_00
just being unhappy and, and upset all day and not trying to like use any amount of your agency to make life for you a little bit better?
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SPEAKER_01
Well, no, like I still like do stuff for me because there s stuff I enjoy and stuff I like laugh at and stuff I cry about and shit, happy cry, you know, all this kind of shit and you know, no amount of suffering in the world.
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SPEAKER_01
will stop me from laughing and I recognize that but still there s like I have like you know physical or medical problems or like mental shit as well there s way too much of that but yeah until I see the world going in a direction where I know it s worth it for me you know for the for my future to work on myself then I won t
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SPEAKER_01
Like I don t want to work towards something and then just, you know, have the world and just want to commit suicide, you know?
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SPEAKER_01
All right.
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SPEAKER_00
So, so, so.
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SPEAKER_00
Let me think about what you just said and make sure I understand it.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
So you don t want to work on yourself because it would be pointless.
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SPEAKER_00
Because even if you did work on yourself, you would be living in a fucked up world no matter what.
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SPEAKER_00
And there is nothing that you can do to unfuck the world that you live in.
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SPEAKER_00
Yes.
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SPEAKER_00
I have a few thoughts on that if you want to hear them.
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SPEAKER_00
Fire away.
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SPEAKER_00
Sorry.
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SPEAKER_00
You know man, I actually think about this stuff a lot.
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SPEAKER_00
I really do.
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SPEAKER_00
I really think about this stuff a lot.
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SPEAKER_00
Especially because it s...
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SPEAKER_00
It s a really prevalent conversation for a lot of people in terms of like, you know, there s the system and whatever, capitalism and socialism, and then there s like society at large, there s individualism, there s what can you do for yourself, there s what can you do for other people.
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SPEAKER_00
And I think about all this stuff, and I don t have a definitive answer for it.
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SPEAKER_00
One thing I do think about is that I don t understand why there s
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SPEAKER_00
why it s a binary you know what I mean I don t understand why it s always like like why is it like either I you know why are the two choices you know make yourself more communism well why is that I mean
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SPEAKER_00
Why are the two choices make society better or make myself better?
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SPEAKER_00
Why is that a binary?
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SPEAKER_00
Why can t I do whatever is within my agency to make my own life better?
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SPEAKER_00
And then also try to do whatever is within my own agency to help the people around me, man.
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SPEAKER_00
I mean, sure, you can sit and be like,
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SPEAKER_00
Upset at the current systems that are are What s going on right now?
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SPEAKER_00
And you can you and you know you can criticize them to death and be right in your criticisms, and you can be trying to enact change Through those criticisms, but at the end of the day It s like I don t I don t I m trying to figure out you know just for you Andy like what s gonna make you not
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SPEAKER_00
Go through life feeling so shitty all the time.
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SPEAKER_00
You know, that s what I m thinking about Yeah, well Well, there s also like I assume a feeling of helplessness because this is such a Global issue that you re in your tiny little single human brain trying to solve and it s impossible but
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SPEAKER_00
there is certain things that you could do so that when you go to sleep at night you can go well at least I tried my best and the rest is out of control and I accept that and so I m like okay what is you trying your best look like does it look like you going out into the town square and having a microphone and just literally to the people
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SPEAKER_00
Saying your thoughts and feelings.
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SPEAKER_00
Maybe it could look like that and maybe you would go and do that And then when you go to sleep at night, you can go I didn t solve The global economic crisis, but I tried my best to you know so maybe you would feel better at least trying to I Don t I don t know.
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SPEAKER_00
I mean you have you have agency of some kind Do you agree with that?
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SPEAKER_01
I mean you have a you have a very valid point.
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SPEAKER_01
I
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SPEAKER_01
of if I tried, I would be significantly, significantly happier.
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SPEAKER_01
But there s a lot of, you know, fear that that won t work out.
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SPEAKER_01
And like, if that doesn t work out, like, I might just keep trying.
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SPEAKER_01
But if I don t, I ll just, you know,
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SPEAKER_01
I ll be even more miserable.
1
SPEAKER_01
Why would that make you miserable though?
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SPEAKER_00
Isn t that life?
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SPEAKER_00
You wake up, you try, and you try, and you try, and then you get cancer and die.
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SPEAKER_00
But yeah, this specific one, failing this specific challenge,
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SPEAKER_01
would mean to me that we re doomed as a human race.
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SPEAKER_01
And all of the things we ve done, and all of the things we know.
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SPEAKER_00
Eddie, you can t be telling me right now that you are trying to, like literally just as one guy, take on all the world s problems.
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SPEAKER_00
And you re literally saying right now, if I cannot solve world hunger, the global economic crisis, and achieve world peace, I will be happy.
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SPEAKER_01
That s crazy.
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SPEAKER_01
I know that sounds crazy, but that s not really what I m saying.
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SPEAKER_01
Like I m saying that there needs to be like a thought revolution for at least for the people who are like, I don t fucking conservative boomers and shit like that.
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SPEAKER_01
And they need to realize, you know, that.
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SPEAKER_01
our side of the argument is right that capitalism doesn t need to fucking change at the very least or be extinct totally and right and I and I and Andy and I I support
2
SPEAKER_00
you re taking whatever action is within you to to fight for your causes but if you re so but this is just general this isn t even a political this is not a political thing what i m saying this is just about what it is just about what is and is not in your control and about how if you obsess over things that aren t in your control you re going to be deeply unhappy
2
SPEAKER_00
And I think working towards and campaigning towards and taking whatever action is within you as an individual towards things that you believe in are positive, great things.
2
SPEAKER_00
But I think weighing your happiness on the outcome of a thing that is just totally beyond any one individual s control
2
SPEAKER_00
is just is a recipe for constant sadness.
2
SPEAKER_01
Look, this is what I try to say, because that thought revolution, it has to have a beginning somewhere.
2
SPEAKER_01
And it, you know, logically, it has to be one mind.
2
SPEAKER_01
And, you know, I m not saying like, I m saving the world.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m just saying, like, if if someone voiced this, then we could save the world as humans.
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SPEAKER_01
as a species.
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SPEAKER_01
And that s not too big, you know, because there s seven fucking eight, almost eight billion of us.
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SPEAKER_01
That s a fucking force, man.
2
SPEAKER_01
We could do anything.
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SPEAKER_00
Can I also say this one thing before... Yeah?
2
SPEAKER_00
Before I believe we might have exhausted the bounds of this conversation.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
I want to say this.
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SPEAKER_00
I expected it to go that way.
2
SPEAKER_00
I want to say this and I hope this gets to you in some way.
2
SPEAKER_00
We talked about the hundred people that you rally up.
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SPEAKER_00
And you said, well what s the point if it s just a hundred people?
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SPEAKER_00
And it s like, the world is just a lot of a hundred people.
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SPEAKER_00
You know?
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
I just meant like, you know, if it s a hundred people that go off and, like, separate from rest of society, that s pointless.
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SPEAKER_01
Because the rest of society would go on as it s now, you know?
2
SPEAKER_00
So I just, what, if I were you, if I were you, Andy, if I were you, I would go take, I would take a walk.
2
SPEAKER_00
around your neighborhood.
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SPEAKER_00
That s what I did just now with this fucking phone call.
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SPEAKER_00
I would take a walk around your neighborhood and I would just look at what s directly around you or even the people that you talk to in your daily life, your friends, your family, whatever you re doing.
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SPEAKER_00
And I would just in
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SPEAKER_00
What s directly in front of you go?
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SPEAKER_00
How can I?
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SPEAKER_00
Help or improve these things and if you re focusing if you re focusing on how I m going to save the world You re just gonna you were just gonna drive yourself Insane and you seem like a cool guy and I don t want to watch you.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, thank just go insane and kill yourself.
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SPEAKER_01
I Would
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SPEAKER_00
No, I should stop that.
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SPEAKER_00
Just think, you know, I don t know, man.
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SPEAKER_00
I hate that you re like, hinging your happiness upon such a gigantic issues.
2
SPEAKER_01
But like, how can I be happy?
2
SPEAKER_01
How can any truly empathetic person
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SPEAKER_01
be happy in a world where so much useless suffering, you know, occurs.
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SPEAKER_00
You limit your empathy.
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SPEAKER_00
That s what I see it as.
2
SPEAKER_00
You limit your empathy to about a hundred people.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s not good, though.
2
SPEAKER_00
Why would you limit empathy?
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SPEAKER_00
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
2
SPEAKER_00
I have no qualms.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m not here to argue about what makes a person a good person.
2
SPEAKER_00
I have no idea.
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SPEAKER_00
But, at least personally, I think realistically, realistically, you can only truly, actually care about, like, maybe a hundred people.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s untrue.
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SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t think that s that bad.
2
SPEAKER_01
But you can t, you can t... But you can t, you can t really... Okay, cause... Andy, give me a second, give me a second, Andy.
2
SPEAKER_00
Alright, if, let s look.
2
SPEAKER_00
Every day, there s, all around the world,
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SPEAKER_00
hundreds and hundreds of people being fucking killed in terrorist attacks and starving to death and all these things and it s a thousands and I m we can t look to say we don t care about them is like but how do I say this obviously you care but
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SPEAKER_00
There s only so much that you can do for other people.
2
SPEAKER_00
And if you pick, okay, these are the, even if, dude, even if it s just my family, even if it s, this is my son, this is my wife, this is my daughter.
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SPEAKER_00
These are the three people that I m going to make a lot of active effort.
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SPEAKER_00
to make sure I can improve their lives.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then when I read on the news about these people that are dying somewhere else, I m gonna go, that sucks, but today I have to feed my children, you know what I mean?
2
SPEAKER_00
I have to water my crops, proverbially, whatever that means, you know?
2
SPEAKER_00
And I don t know if that makes somebody a piece of shit,
2
SPEAKER_00
But it s like the opposite of that, trying to, uh, trying to go insane over every horrible thing happening everywhere at the world all the time.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s just, our brains are not meant to be able to do that.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, yeah, I guess mine is like, I just do that.
2
SPEAKER_01
I just live like that, you know?
2
SPEAKER_01
And I know it sounds fucking shitty, but I think someone has to, you know?
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, Andy, I hope, I hope, I hope you, do, can you carve out five minutes for yourself to just look at the sky and go, I m, you know, I m fine.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, yeah, I do that.
2
SPEAKER_01
You know, like I mentioned, nothing stops me from laughing.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
I have hours.
2
SPEAKER_00
Uh, Andy, is there anything else that you want to talk about or say to the people, the computer before we go?
2
SPEAKER_01
Uh, just, I don t know, I guess be kind to everyone, especially yourself.
2
SPEAKER_01
Unless they re being a dick or a fascist.
2
SPEAKER_01
And, oh yeah, what I want to end on, it s never morally wrong to punch a fascist.
2
SPEAKER_00
Have a good rest of the day.
2
SPEAKER_00
You too, Lyle.
2
SPEAKER_00
Bye.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh my goodness.
2
SPEAKER_00
I wish we talked- I wish we talked more about goulash.
2
SPEAKER_00
Goulash is really good.
2
SPEAKER_00
I think it s some kind of soup.
2
SPEAKER_00
See, if I were that guy and I lived in Prague, what I would do today is I would go have some goulash and find a little cinnamon bun.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I would go, you know what?
2
SPEAKER_00
At this very, I don t, I don t know about the past.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t know about the future.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t know what s going on in other countries.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t know what s going on in other people s brains, but what I know for sure is that this particular individual moment where I m eating this goulash and I m looking at the sky, it s pretty good.
2
SPEAKER_01
Hello?
2
SPEAKER_00
Hi!
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh my god, is this the Gecko?
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, what s your name?
2
SPEAKER_01
Uh, my name is Ashley.
2
SPEAKER_00
Ashley, how s life?
2
SPEAKER_01
It s pretty good, wow, I didn t think you d call me.
2
SPEAKER_00
Hey, check this out, instead of, you know when that guy says,
3
SPEAKER_01
Sunday, Sunday, Sunday.
3
SPEAKER_01
Ashley, Ashley, Ashley.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t know why the fuck I just said that.
3
SPEAKER_01
That was really... As soon as I said, you know how that guy says Sunday, Sunday, Sunday?
3
SPEAKER_01
I was like, I don t want to do the second part of this, but... You don t want to commit to it?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it would have been weird if I had abandoned it.
3
SPEAKER_01
Anyway, what s up?
3
SPEAKER_00
Not much.
3
SPEAKER_00
I just texted to see if maybe he wanted to hear about my unorthodox childhood a little bit.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, sure.
3
SPEAKER_01
Let s de-orthodox this shindig.
3
SPEAKER_00
All right.
3
SPEAKER_00
So this was the early 2000s, you see.
3
SPEAKER_00
And my mom was a single mom.
3
SPEAKER_00
And she s raising three kids.
3
SPEAKER_00
And so my mom was an escort.
3
SPEAKER_00
And she rose the ranks of escort hood to owning her own escort service.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I just had a lot of crazy experiences.
3
SPEAKER_00
Nothing crazy.
3
SPEAKER_00
My mom never put me in danger or anything like that.
3
SPEAKER_00
But just a lot of crazy, crazy stuff.
3
SPEAKER_01
Where do you want to start?
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, let me think.
3
SPEAKER_00
One time my, how it worked is my mom, when she, no, no, I ll start a little earlier than that.
3
SPEAKER_00
So my mom was an escort for this woman and her name was Blaze.
3
SPEAKER_00
And she kind of, she was one of the ones running the first escort service, I guess, in the area.
3
SPEAKER_00
And she was in a relationship with another escort.
3
SPEAKER_00
Um, and she kind of like,
3
SPEAKER_00
was roughing her up a little bit.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I remember just sitting in the car one day, my mom goes to get her, her friend who s in a relationship with this other lady.
3
SPEAKER_00
Um, and I remember just watching my mom just beat this lesbian ass.
3
SPEAKER_00
Her name was Blaze and just kind of just beat her ass because she was beating her other, her friend.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then they kind of just started their own escort service together, like sans the beating.
3
SPEAKER_00
Um, and I was homeschooled.
3
SPEAKER_00
And so there s like, I m sorry, I m a little, I m all over the place.
3
SPEAKER_00
Um, and so I just, like, I was just one of the things that I remember my mom doing, um, to defend her friend.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then like, there was just all kinds of like escorts, you know, sex workers, um, who would just hang out at our house when they d go on calls and
3
SPEAKER_00
you know, they would just, they d bring their kids.
3
SPEAKER_00
It was, it was a very strange kind of like community growing up, a community of a lot of queer women, a lot of like LGBT people and their kids.
3
SPEAKER_00
And there s still kind of like a little bit of shame, like talking about it.
3
SPEAKER_00
Cause it s, you, you bring up sex work and people kind of squeak out and they re like, oh, like your mom was a bad person or,
3
SPEAKER_00
You know, those people are bad.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_00
Does that make sense?
3
SPEAKER_01
What, how does this affect you?
3
SPEAKER_01
What do you do these days?
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, I did get into online sex work.
3
SPEAKER_00
Um, and I think it affected me because like, I was never in a public school and we did homeschooling or I guess you would call it unschooling.
3
SPEAKER_00
Um, so it s not kind of self-directed learning.
3
SPEAKER_00
Um,
3
SPEAKER_00
I think it s affected me because I can t really, you know, people talk about their childhood and it s either really, really bad or they have kind of normal childhoods and I don t really relate to a lot of the experiences.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then when I do kind of open up, which is so weird, I m opening up to the internet right now, that s crazy.
3
SPEAKER_00
But talking to regular people sometimes, people you get close to,
3
SPEAKER_00
It can feel, I don t know, really isolating and like there s a lot of judgy stuff.
3
SPEAKER_00
I ended up doing some of that work myself.
3
SPEAKER_00
And so I was like, ugh.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_01
Are you still close with your mom?
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh yeah, she s great.
3
SPEAKER_00
We re very close.
3
SPEAKER_01
Does she still run the escort business?
3
SPEAKER_00
No.
3
SPEAKER_00
She...
3
SPEAKER_00
She stopped doing that and we moved from the city that she was doing that in because one of her friends was murdered.
3
SPEAKER_00
And so she kind of like packed us up and then we lived in a kind of a big city and then we moved to a really small town and a very country kind of town.
3
SPEAKER_00
And so like that portion of my life, I was about a teenager, I think I was like 14.
3
SPEAKER_00
That portion of my life was really weird because we went from this big city
3
SPEAKER_00
you know, kind of diverse people to not a lot of diverse people and, um, like adjusting to that life.
3
SPEAKER_00
And, uh, like a lot of the values were very different.
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I guess it s never been acceptable, but there was a pretty heavy, like, um, evangelical, evangelical overtone in the town we lived in.
3
SPEAKER_00
Cause it was very small.
3
SPEAKER_00
And so it could not open up about it.
3
SPEAKER_01
So what did she start doing when you guys moved?
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, she had a lot of money saved up because she had been doing it all for years.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then she, like I said, she, she was an escort and then she kind of developed her own like service.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then she had people working for her.
3
SPEAKER_00
So she was able to make a pretty decent, you know, life for herself.
3
SPEAKER_00
Um, so she was about that for a little bit, but then she just got a regular job.
3
SPEAKER_00
grocery store and then met my stepdad and you know, that was that it was like that chapter was closed and Sorry, if there s cars How old are you now?
3
SPEAKER_01
I m 29.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, so this is about 15 years ago Does your
3
SPEAKER_01
So and do you are you still doing like the camming stuff?
3
SPEAKER_00
Um, no, I stopped because I I got a pretty good job at a doggy daycare No, I don t do that anymore I mean not that I m opposed to it like I could probably pick it back up if I ever needed the extra You know money And what s the deal with your dad is he in the picture at all?
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, my biological dad is not.
3
SPEAKER_00
He, um, tried to set us on fire when we were kids.
3
SPEAKER_00
So tried to burn the house down with us in it.
3
SPEAKER_00
So he, he went to prison and, you know, not a part of the life or our life at all.
3
SPEAKER_01
Why the hell did he do that?
3
SPEAKER_00
You know, he was an alcoholic, uh, super abusive.
3
SPEAKER_00
Um, I was probably like three.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I don t remember that it completely, but, um,
3
SPEAKER_00
There s a lot of back and forth with my mom and my biological dad.
3
SPEAKER_00
And one night, he put accelerant on the doors and set the house on fire.
3
SPEAKER_00
Luckily, everyone got out.
3
SPEAKER_00
But yeah, that was pretty, so that s kind of, that set the tone, because my mom was terrified of him, because he was on the run.
3
SPEAKER_00
They didn t catch him right away.
3
SPEAKER_00
So yeah, we didn t have any family.
3
SPEAKER_00
My mom wasn t close with her side of the family.
3
SPEAKER_00
Obviously my bio dad s side of the family is not great.
3
SPEAKER_01
Is he now, is he still in prison?
3
SPEAKER_00
I want to say no, maybe.
3
SPEAKER_00
He didn t, cause he technically didn t murder any of us, but he did get caught for like four counts of attempted.
3
SPEAKER_00
Uh, so I m, I want to say if he s out, he probably got out maybe a few years ago.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_00
I do not like to, to think about that person is terrible.
3
SPEAKER_01
And what about your stepdad?
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, he s great.
3
SPEAKER_00
Um, he s was a military medic.
3
SPEAKER_00
He was in the air force.
3
SPEAKER_00
So he s great.
3
SPEAKER_00
He s, he s a pretty cool person.
3
SPEAKER_00
I call him my norm, like my dad.
3
SPEAKER_00
Um,
3
SPEAKER_00
He s a good guy.
3
SPEAKER_00
He, uh, kind of came into our lives when we were teenagers.
3
SPEAKER_00
Um, but he, he knows about it.
3
SPEAKER_00
He, you know, my mom doesn t, I guess she didn t, obviously she s not going to keep a secret from her husband, but she did tell him and he was okay with it.
3
SPEAKER_00
And, uh,
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it s just, it s like, I don t know how to like, it s it happened so long ago.
4
SPEAKER_01
And so it shouldn t even matter anymore, I guess.
4
SPEAKER_01
But it does, to me in a weird way.
4
SPEAKER_00
Interesting, because I was wondering, I was wondering, you know, when you said, yeah, I was wondering, like, as you re telling me all this, and I know it happened about 15 years ago, I was wondering if you were telling this to me as a, you know, just an interesting anecdote about your life, or if it was something that still, you know, plagues you.
4
SPEAKER_01
I think it s a little bit of both, because, you know, it s kind of like a fun fact.
4
SPEAKER_01
I was like, you know what, the Therapy Gecko chat might want to hear
4
SPEAKER_01
hear this.
4
SPEAKER_01
But yeah, no, I like I it probably does a little like not bother me because nothing really terrible happened to me because of what my mom did.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s just the isolating experience of like the the perceptions of other people.
4
SPEAKER_01
They re like, oh my God, your mom was a hooker and she exposed you to other hookers.
4
SPEAKER_01
And, you know, I never saw like nothing
4
SPEAKER_01
She d never take me on calls.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like I never, there was nothing, nothing like that.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m sure that that has happened to a lot of people, but that was not the case.
4
SPEAKER_01
Um, but it s just the, the, the kind of assumption that like sex workers are, uh, bad people, I guess, just inherently when I think of what I think my mom from, from what, well, I was going to say from what you ve told me, I like your mom a lot more than your dad.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
I think it s pretty cool.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like she did what she did to keep us, you know, a roof over our head and we want it for nothing.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like we didn t just have our knees met.
4
SPEAKER_01
We had the extra stuff and I don t know.
4
SPEAKER_00
And how s she doing now?
4
SPEAKER_00
Is she, I mean, she seems like she s got a pretty good life.
4
SPEAKER_00
It seems like this, uh, new this, I mean, he s not a new guy, but, um, the, your stepdad is, uh, a much better guy for her than the guy who tried to kill you guys.
4
SPEAKER_00
Um, so like, is she happy and living good?
4
SPEAKER_01
She is.
4
SPEAKER_01
She, um, at least I think she is.
4
SPEAKER_01
We have some good talk.
4
SPEAKER_01
I mean, my childhood wasn t perfect.
4
SPEAKER_01
There was some kind of like, she,
4
SPEAKER_01
You know, there was things that happened that like probably weren t the best, but like, you know, not putting us in a regular school, you know, that s, that s created obstacles for me for getting a job.
4
SPEAKER_01
Cause I don t have high school transcripts, but like she s owned up to it, taken accountability for it.
4
SPEAKER_01
Apologize.
4
SPEAKER_01
Um, but now she s, I mean, she has a lovely life.
4
SPEAKER_01
She makes cups.
4
SPEAKER_01
She sells, makes little.
4
SPEAKER_01
craft cups and she you know, they go to craft fairs all the time and You know sells her like her little things and yeah, it s pretty good life for her.
4
SPEAKER_01
My sister s got kids and she s good grandma.
4
SPEAKER_00
So She makes Cup she goes to craft fairs.
4
SPEAKER_01
Mm-hmm.
4
SPEAKER_01
That s what she does.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s pretty cool and
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Your sister, what s her whole deal with all this?
4
SPEAKER_00
Is this still, does she still think about it?
4
SPEAKER_00
And, um, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
What s her experience kind of been like?
4
SPEAKER_01
Um, her experience was a little bit different than mine.
4
SPEAKER_01
Um, cause I was, she s the oldest and I was the youngest.
4
SPEAKER_01
So my sister, um, not going to get into her stuff, but like some unsavory things happened.
4
SPEAKER_01
And so she didn t really like to talk about it.
4
SPEAKER_01
You know, she kind of, they all just,
4
SPEAKER_01
But my mom and my brother, they all just kind of moved on.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I m like, I don t know why I m still stuck in the past.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like, because it s like, I m not ashamed of it.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I think that I had a pretty good experience.
4
SPEAKER_01
I think I m a well-rounded person because of those experiences.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like I was exposed to, especially back in the day, I don t know if anyone remembers the early 2000s of how, you know, anti-gay stuff was, like how people were pretty homophobic and
4
SPEAKER_01
Um, I was exposed to that.
4
SPEAKER_01
It was just, it was completely normal for me.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then like, you know, I learned a lot and I just feel like there s not a really like a safe place to like, talk about it and like, not feel the obligatory.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like I have to express how that s probably not the best thing or whatever.
4
SPEAKER_01
I just want to talk about it in my experience.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m rambling.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m so sorry.
4
SPEAKER_00
Well it s um I don t know I just keep thinking about the comparison because um I mean you know you re talking about when we re talking about like
4
SPEAKER_00
I guess bad childhoods or like bad I guess we re talking about like like parenting like the sort of what is good or bad parenting it s like well at the very if we compare your mom to your dad your mom did did pretty well by you you know yeah
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
So if the standard of a bad parent is to set their children on fire, I think that
4
SPEAKER_00
you know, you re, you had a pretty good mom and you still have a good relationship with her and you seem like you have a good life.
4
SPEAKER_00
So, you know, as long as you re happy with, uh, your relationship with her and how everything turned out, then I don t know if it matters so much what, uh, you know, other people think.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
You would think that that s like the answer, right?
4
SPEAKER_01
It should be.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s correct.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s just like that lingering feeling of shame is still,
4
SPEAKER_01
there for some reason and I don t know how to get rid of it.
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t know why.
4
SPEAKER_00
Have you ever talked to a real therapist about this?
4
SPEAKER_01
I have.
4
SPEAKER_00
What did they say?
4
SPEAKER_01
I, this is going to sound terrible, but I haven t opened up about that part because, because I m like, what if, when you say that part, do you mean just, you mean everything we ve, we ve been talking about?
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Really?
4
SPEAKER_01
Like not everything like I ll dance around it.
4
SPEAKER_01
I won t I ll just it s not I don t it s lying by omission So like I ll talk about experiences like oh, I ll say I had an unorthodox childhood I was homeschooled and I ll just kind of dance around that.
4
SPEAKER_00
Why do you avoid I m cure I m very curious as to why you avoid talking about it with your real therapist, but yet you re you feel comfortable Talking about it in front of you know, 10,000 internet strangers.
4
SPEAKER_00
I
4
SPEAKER_01
I think it s because I ve watched your stream for a long time and I ve heard people call in and like, you know, tell you really insane things about their life.
4
SPEAKER_01
And, you know, I don t just look for your reaction.
4
SPEAKER_01
I like, the chat is really good about, you know, not being dicks, uh, for the most part.
4
SPEAKER_01
Uh, and so, and there s like that veil of anonymity.
4
SPEAKER_01
You re not going to know who I am.
4
SPEAKER_01
Like, like I could say it and then just like, it s like a confessional, you know?
4
SPEAKER_00
So, I mean, has your therapist provided you with anything helpful, even out of the lack of information you ve given them on this?
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh, absolutely.
4
SPEAKER_01
Absolutely.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m a better person for therapy, but I know the big thing is that you got to be really honest with your therapist.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I should absolutely talk to this, talk to my therapist about this, but it s just that shame, you know what I m talking about?
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t, I don t even know why it s there.
4
SPEAKER_01
And so I should, I should absolutely do that.
4
Hmm.
4
SPEAKER_00
Good I m glad to hear that.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, you know I am I Hope I hope that this that you know talking about all this stuff was helpful for you.
4
SPEAKER_00
Thanks for telling us all about this stuff It s it s certainly very very fascinating.
4
SPEAKER_00
I hope You know, you know anytime someone is talking about something like this.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s Personal to them.
4
SPEAKER_00
I hope I hope you I hope you got a benefit out of it of some kind.
4
SPEAKER_00
I
4
SPEAKER_01
It s cathartic, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
Or cathartic.
4
SPEAKER_00
The word.
4
SPEAKER_00
So, and how is your brother doing?
4
SPEAKER_00
He s cool.
4
SPEAKER_00
Your mom s cool.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s just you and your sister.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, my brother s doing great.
4
SPEAKER_01
He drives a motorcycle.
4
SPEAKER_01
He s living his life.
4
SPEAKER_01
He doesn t really have kids.
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t have kids either.
4
SPEAKER_01
My sister s got kids and I don t know, he seems happy.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m sure he s got his own life stuff.
4
SPEAKER_01
No one can truly, I don t want to say happy, content, I guess.
4
SPEAKER_01
He s not, you know, struggling with addiction or anything like that.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m not struggling with addiction besides nicotine.
4
SPEAKER_01
And my sister s the same.
4
SPEAKER_01
So, I mean, we re pretty good, I think.
4
SPEAKER_00
you got a key look dude I I m a big fan of lowering the what would you call it lowering the the standards you know I think if you re not addicted to drugs and killing people you re doing pretty alright in this world I think so thank you so much yeah of course what s your
5
SPEAKER_00
name again Ashley Ashley Ashley Ashley Ashley I m gonna cut that part you don t know I m gonna keep it in no keep it well ash is there anything else you want to say to the fuck there was one other question I was gonna ask you I d fucking forgot what it was we re gonna keep this part into Ashley is there anything else you want to say to the people the computer before we go y all be good to yourselves I guess
5
SPEAKER_01
And I ll be good to me.
5
SPEAKER_01
And thank you.
5
SPEAKER_00
Bye, Ashley.
5
SPEAKER_01
All right, bye.
5
SPEAKER_00
See, I should start my own business of gecko escorts.
5
SPEAKER_00
I don t know what they would do.
5
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if it would be a sex thing.
5
SPEAKER_00
It might just be like a, you can hang out with somebody in a gecko costume.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, that ll, I m gonna do that.
5
SPEAKER_02
♪ Therapy gecko s on the line ♪ ♪ Taking your phone calls every night ♪ ♪ Therapy gecko s doing it right ♪ ♪ He s teaching you how to live your life ♪ ♪ But he s not really an expert ♪