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SPEAKER_02
 Bring a little optimism into your life with The Bright Side, a new kind of daily podcast from Hello Sunshine, hosted by me, Danielle Robay.
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SPEAKER_02
And me, Simone Boyce.
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SPEAKER_02
Every weekday, we're bringing you conversations about culture, the latest trends, inspiration, and so much more.
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SPEAKER_00
I am so excited about this podcast, The Bright Side.
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SPEAKER_00
You guys are giving people a chance to shine a light on their lives, shine a light on a little advice that they want to share.
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SPEAKER_04
 Listen to The Bright Side on America's number one podcast network, iHeart.
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Open your free iHeart app and search The Bright Side.
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SPEAKER_06
 Guess what, Will?
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SPEAKER_06
What's up, Mango?
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SPEAKER_06
I've been trying to write a promo for our podcast, Part-Time Genius, but even though we've done over 250 episodes, we don't really talk about murders or cults.
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SPEAKER_05
I mean, we did just cover the Illuminati of cheese, so I feel like that makes us pretty edgy.
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SPEAKER_05
We also solve mysteries like how Chinese is your Chinese food and how do dollar stores make money?
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SPEAKER_05
And then, of course, can you game a dog show?
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SPEAKER_05
So what you're saying is everyone should be listening.
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SPEAKER_05
Listen to Part-Time Genius on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.
0
SPEAKER_01
 A new season of Bridgerton is here.
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And with it, a new season of Bridgerton, the official podcast.
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I'm your host, Gabby Collins.
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And this season, we are bringing fans even deeper into the ton.
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SPEAKER_01
Watch season three of the Shondaland series on Netflix.
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SPEAKER_01
Then fall in love all over again by listening to Bridgerton, the official podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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Subscribe to catch a new episode every Thursday.
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SPEAKER_03
 What if what you think is weakness, what if those are actually your strengths?
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SPEAKER_03
What if being vulnerable and open to looking at the world in a different way, moving through the world in a different way, approaching problem solving in a different way was actually
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SPEAKER_07
 Hey, everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world, thanks to each and every single one of you that come back every week to listen, learn, and grow.
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SPEAKER_07
Now, you know that I absolutely love autobiographies and biographies.
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SPEAKER_07
I love learning about how real people have dealt with real challenges and real situations in their life.
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SPEAKER_07
And today's guest is someone's book that I've been reading.
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SPEAKER_07
I'm about halfway through it, in all honesty, and I can't put it down because of
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SPEAKER_07
 just how honest, raw, open, and vulnerable today's author is about some seriously life-changing moments.
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SPEAKER_07
And I know for a fact that this is going to help you if you read the book, and it's going to help the people around you because of what you learn from it, and I'm sure you'll be passing this one on.
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SPEAKER_07
I'm speaking about none other than Gabrielle Union, and for those of you that don't know, she's an actress, executive producer, activist, and best-selling author, and she'll next be seen
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SPEAKER_07
 in Disney's remake of Cheaper by the Dozen, developed by Kenya Barris for Disney+.
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SPEAKER_07
In May of 2021, Gabrielle released, in partnership with her husband, Dwayne Wade, her second children's book, Shady Baby, which became a New York Times bestseller the first week of release.
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SPEAKER_07
 Her first book, We're Going to Need More Wine, stories that are funny, complicated and true, was released in 2017 and instantly became a New York Times bestseller.
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SPEAKER_07
And the book we're talking about today that I just told you I was reading is called You Got Anything Stronger?
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SPEAKER_07
And it will be released on September 14th of this year.
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SPEAKER_07
I'm grateful to have an early copy and have this conversation.
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SPEAKER_07
Gabrielle, thank you so much for making the time.
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SPEAKER_07
I know you have a busy schedule, but I'm glad we're getting to do this.
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SPEAKER_03
 Yeah, no, I'm excited.
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SPEAKER_03
I'm so excited to be on your show.
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SPEAKER_03
So thank you for having me.
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SPEAKER_07
Yeah, absolutely.
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SPEAKER_07
I mean, I meant what I said when I was just sharing that as I've been reading your book, I was learning things about you that I did not know.
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SPEAKER_07
And I couldn't put it down because the way you deeply described some truly life-changing moments,
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SPEAKER_07
 I think it's going to impact so many people in the world, so I thanked you offline, but I want to say online as well that thank you for writing this book as a service, because I think it's going to move and make a difference in the lives of so many people.
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SPEAKER_07
I want to start off by something you talk about in the first chapter.
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SPEAKER_07
We're going to dive straight in.
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SPEAKER_07
You start off by talking about how the question changed.
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SPEAKER_07
 from when are you going to have kids to why don't you get a surrogate, right?
0
SPEAKER_07
Like, this question changes in your life.
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SPEAKER_07
Tell us about the transition of experiencing what it felt like when you were struggling to have children and then having the question change, and it still doesn't make you feel better instantly, and it doesn't improve.
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SPEAKER_07
Tell us about that experience from your perspective.
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SPEAKER_03
Yeah, well, first, I think when it comes to women's reproductive health,
0
SPEAKER_03
 Most people don't, they knock at the door and they don't wait for anyone to answer.
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SPEAKER_03
They just come on in your house, they're looking through your cabinets, they're under your bed.
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SPEAKER_03
They feel completely entitled to your truth, whatever that may be.
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SPEAKER_03
So I never really had the luxury of not sharing certain things because if I didn't share it, they would turn
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SPEAKER_03
 an IVF cycle into a pregnancy and they would report on me being pregnant.
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SPEAKER_03
Um, and it was just, it was like, you know, me chasing my tail.
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SPEAKER_03
So I just got to the point where I'm just going to be as transparent about, you know, as much of this as I can.
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SPEAKER_03
Um, but people feel very comfortable, you know, asking you like whether you're married, not married, if you're with a guy, um, that people or you're coupled,
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SPEAKER_03
 People feel like the next and only step is you better give us a baby.
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And that baby better be awesome and have the cure for cancer.
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Like, there is no...
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SPEAKER_03
 might you do anything else?
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SPEAKER_03
The world is very suspicious of women who don't have children.
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SPEAKER_03
They don't even care what the reason is.
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SPEAKER_03
You don't have kids, they assume the worst about you.
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SPEAKER_03
You are the scum of the earth.
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SPEAKER_03
What woman wouldn't want to have kids?
0
SPEAKER_03
So much of this process for so many people is just fraught with a lot of pain and a lot of entitled behavior on the part of those around us.
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SPEAKER_03
 Immediately, as soon as I had been with Dee, before we were even married, it was, so when are you guys going to have a kid?
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SPEAKER_03
When are you guys going to have a kid?
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SPEAKER_03
And for me, as someone, we'd both already been married before, I wanted to wait until we were in a better place in our relationship.
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SPEAKER_03
But no one wanted to be patient.
0
SPEAKER_03
It was a constant barrage, win, win, win.
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SPEAKER_03
You better give us this freaking baby.
0
SPEAKER_03
 And then I started feeling not only the pressure I was putting on myself and my body and starting to feel very defective and feeling like I was unworthy of motherhood, unworthy of a baby.
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SPEAKER_03
Babies were rejecting me.
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SPEAKER_03
All of those feelings that take us right back to childhood of wild insecurities, being very concerned about what everyone is thinking,
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SPEAKER_03
 um, and, and making decisions based on outside noise.
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SPEAKER_03
Right.
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SPEAKER_03
Um, so by the time I had gone through years of, of IVF cycles and constant miscarriages that I, that I talk about in the first book, um, I was just ready to keep going.
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SPEAKER_03
Let's try another cycle and whatever, whatever it takes.
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SPEAKER_03
So by the time I met Dr. Kelly Beck,
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SPEAKER_03
 Um, who's based in Los Angeles and she is a fertility specialist, but she's not a one size fits all fertility doctor.
0
SPEAKER_03
Like some, um, a lot of doctors are very concerned about their success rates and live births.
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SPEAKER_03
And they don't, they're not really that concerned about finding the why of your infertility.
0
SPEAKER_03
It's just, I'm going to get you a baby and I don't care how it happens.
0
SPEAKER_03
Right.
0
SPEAKER_03
Um, and.
0
SPEAKER_03
 with Dr. Kelly Beck, she was like, well, let's figure out what's wrong first, and then we can make an educated plan that's based and tailored to you.
0
SPEAKER_03
And I was like, what is this you speak of?
0
SPEAKER_03
Because I had been to literally every leading fertility doctor in the country.
0
SPEAKER_03
And so first examination, she was like, oh, you have adenomyosis.
0
SPEAKER_03
 And everyone pronounces that differently.
0
SPEAKER_03
So if you pronounce adenomyosis differently, all good, we're saying the same thing.
0
SPEAKER_03
It's endometriosis of the muscle.
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SPEAKER_03
So as an embryo is trying to implant, the adenomyosis grows around it and it will snuff it out like a blob.
0
SPEAKER_03
So Dr. Beck was like, okay, these are your options.
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SPEAKER_03
 You can either go with a gestational carrier, aka a surrogate, or we can start you on Lupron.
0
SPEAKER_03
But with Lupron, it puts your body into early menopause, which would quiet the adenomyosis.
0
SPEAKER_03
We would implant an embryo and hope
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SPEAKER_03
 that it would grow faster than the adenomyosis returned.
0
SPEAKER_07
And that was the first time you'd heard that?
0
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_03
30 is a whole lot more than zero, which is what I was batting.
0
SPEAKER_03
But the idea of a surrogate just felt like failure.
0
SPEAKER_03
And it felt, for me, a fate worse than death is public failure, public humiliation.
0
SPEAKER_03
And my body betraying me
0
SPEAKER_03
 where I needed to bring in some other person to get the job done felt so public.
0
SPEAKER_03
And it just felt like such a public failure, public humiliation, public loss.
0
SPEAKER_03
And I was willing to do anything to avoid that.
0
SPEAKER_03
So I went through like another year
0
SPEAKER_03
 of IVF treatments.
0
SPEAKER_03
Didn't do the Lupron, but just continued on another year.
0
SPEAKER_03
But then I was like, you know what?
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SPEAKER_03
Give me the Lupron.
0
SPEAKER_03
I'm doing it.
0
SPEAKER_03
I'm going in.
0
SPEAKER_03
I'm going in.
0
SPEAKER_03
And my husband was like, you've done enough.
0
SPEAKER_03
And I was like, you're not calling it.
0
SPEAKER_03
I'm calling it.
0
SPEAKER_03
You have a gang of kids.
0
SPEAKER_03
I don't have any.
0
SPEAKER_03
 I have awesome step kids, but I don't have any of my own.
0
SPEAKER_03
So it's really easy for you to say.
0
SPEAKER_03
And he said, as much as we want this baby, as much as I want this baby, I want you more.
0
SPEAKER_03
And about that point, I was like, I begrudgingly agreed to surrogacy.
0
SPEAKER_03
 And then that is its own fun journey that led us to our daughter, Kavya James.
0
SPEAKER_07
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_07
Thank you so much for sharing that, because I think the pressure you speak about is so true.
0
SPEAKER_07
And it feels like everyone's going through it, but not everyone shares that.
0
SPEAKER_07
And then you think you're the only one.
0
SPEAKER_07
I know.
0
SPEAKER_07
So me and my wife, we've been together for eight years now and married for five.
0
SPEAKER_07
 And we constantly get this question of, when are you going to give us a child?
0
SPEAKER_07
And that's everyone.
0
SPEAKER_07
You're right.
0
SPEAKER_07
It's not just your family.
0
SPEAKER_07
It's not just people that are in your life.
0
SPEAKER_07
It's anyone and everyone you meet.
0
SPEAKER_07
And often it can be, sometimes it can be well-intentioned.
0
SPEAKER_07
Sometimes it's just pastime talk, like don't have anything else to talk about.
0
SPEAKER_07
 But for us, when we'd made a very conscious decision that we were trying to build our lives, we moved country, we moved state.
0
SPEAKER_07
We moved from London to New York and then New York to LA and now we're in LA and we finally found our feet.
0
SPEAKER_07
For us, the biggest thing has been just trying to go at our own pace and our own time.
0
SPEAKER_07
 And I've also heard of so many friends who've been told when their marriage is rough, they've been given the advice, well, just have another kid and it will work out.
0
SPEAKER_07
And it's almost like using children as an excuse, using children as a mending mechanism, using children as a hope.
0
SPEAKER_07
This whole process seems to put so much stress and pressure on everyone what to speak of what you've had to go through
0
SPEAKER_07
 on the receiving end of that, and I appreciate that you're sharing that.
0
SPEAKER_07
I really do, because I'm hoping that it's going to make people more mindful with what we say, especially to women, and it's going to make people more conscious about approaching that conversation.
0
SPEAKER_07
Tell us about, I mean, recently you did a thing, you cut your hair.
0
SPEAKER_07
 And you said on Instagram that most women do big changes like this when things aren't working out or when things are lost, but you've done it for you when life is going awesome.
0
SPEAKER_07
What have been the biggest changes from that moment we just talked about, which is where the book starts, to today when you're cutting your hair, you're saying life's going awesome, like things are moving in the right direction.
0
SPEAKER_07
What have been the biggest changes or shifts that have happened?
0
SPEAKER_03
I mean, the biggest shift was the birth of, you know, Kavya James.
0
SPEAKER_03
 Um, when they say no one can be prepared for, you know, motherhood or the birth of a child, you really can't, you really, really, really can't.
0
SPEAKER_03
You can read all the books, you can watch all the podcasts, listen to all the podcasts, but every baby is different.
0
SPEAKER_03
Every child is different.
0
SPEAKER_03
And they come in like, you know, pretty much who they are.
0
SPEAKER_03
Um, so you're, you feel helpless in a different kind of way, but you're tasked with, you know,
0
SPEAKER_03
 guiding and shaping and nourishing and nurturing these lives.
0
SPEAKER_03
But we don't know, because every kid is different.
0
SPEAKER_03
So the handbook that you thought was, oh, I got the book.
0
SPEAKER_03
OK, parenting for dummies, whatever.
0
SPEAKER_03
There is no chapter on your kid, because every kid is different.
0
SPEAKER_03
And you have to get very comfortable with being uncomfortable and not having the answer.
0
SPEAKER_03
 So that has been a big shift, because I liken myself a learned person.
0
SPEAKER_03
I love education.
0
SPEAKER_03
I love learning.
0
SPEAKER_03
I love traveling and learning new ways of doing things, new ideas.
0
SPEAKER_03
But yeah, there's nothing that can prepare you for how vulnerable and clueless you feel.
0
SPEAKER_03
I have never asked for more help than I ever have since she's been born.
0
SPEAKER_03
I've never relied on this many people, probably since I was an infant.
0
SPEAKER_03
 And I feel it's not normal for me.
0
SPEAKER_03
I feel out of sorts, but I had to get used to the new normal and being okay with embracing my vulnerability as my superpower.
0
SPEAKER_03
And I had a lot, a lot of therapy, you know, a lot of therapy to just work through so many of these new changes.
0
SPEAKER_03
And then, you know, COVS a year, you know, year and a half,
0
SPEAKER_03
 She's talking, she's moving, she's got her little crew of little toddler friends, and oh, wait, it's a global pandemic.
0
SPEAKER_03
And now we are all in the house together.
0
SPEAKER_03
And sometimes when each person sort of works outside of the home, you have an idea of people's parenting styles and work styles.
0
SPEAKER_03
But when you have to work, study,
0
SPEAKER_03
 parent, socialize, all at the same place at the same time, you learn a lot about each other.
0
SPEAKER_03
And I had to get to know Dwayne's parenting style and he had to get to know mine.
0
SPEAKER_03
Turns out, as much as I am like kind of a by-the-book super anal person, I'm more of a
0
SPEAKER_03
 I mean, what's really the huh?
0
SPEAKER_03
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_03
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_03
She's going to be in her pajamas all day.
0
SPEAKER_03
Who cares?
0
SPEAKER_03
Who cares?
0
SPEAKER_03
And he's like, I care.
0
SPEAKER_03
I care a lot.
0
SPEAKER_03
I care a lot.
0
SPEAKER_03
So, you know, just getting used to sharing space all together, you know, that's never been our life.
0
SPEAKER_03
I've had a very sort of
0
SPEAKER_03
 transient life since my last couple semesters of college.
0
SPEAKER_03
I have been an actor, you know, going where the work has taken me.
0
SPEAKER_03
So I've never had to really be home like that or like this, you know, dealing with my parents, siblings, our children.
0
SPEAKER_03
 You know, it was more in and out, you know, I had like spot treatments of parenting, not like, Ooh, 24 seven.
0
SPEAKER_03
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_03
Oh no, you're still here.
0
SPEAKER_03
All right.
0
SPEAKER_03
That has been a big transition, you know, and how to extend grace and receive it has been a huge transition.
0
SPEAKER_07
That's, that's beautiful.
0
SPEAKER_07
I love how you talk about, you know, it's almost like inviting and receiving Kavya James is such a beautiful, spiritual,
0
SPEAKER_07
 You know, incredible experience in the way you talk about in the book.
0
SPEAKER_07
And I hope that everyone who's listening will go and read that section because it's so amazing to hear just how, with grace, grace is the right word.
0
SPEAKER_07
You just said it about how you felt.
0
SPEAKER_07
What would you say has been the biggest thing you've learned about Dwayne at this time?
0
SPEAKER_07
And what do you think is the biggest thing you've learned about yourself during this time because of Carver James?
0
SPEAKER_07
What have been the big learnings about him and about yourself?
0
SPEAKER_03
 Um, yeah, there's, there's, we talk about this also in the book, um, you know, cause Dwayne, obviously, you know, he, he played, uh, in the NBA for 16 years and, you know, he moved, um, though we don't like to talk about those Chicago, that Chicago year and the, you know, the Cleveland few months, um, you know, he was in the NBA for 16 years and our whole schedules revolved around his schedule and making sure that he had everything he needed to be comfortable and successful and for him to thrive.
0
SPEAKER_03
 And when he retired, he was like, babe, now it's your turn.
0
SPEAKER_03
And I discovered because most of my work that I do has been away from home.
0
SPEAKER_03
They have no idea what it takes for me to be successful, what it takes for me to be comfortable, what it takes for me to thrive.
0
SPEAKER_03
So I've had to be, I've had to learn how to communicate my needs and manage expectations because
0
SPEAKER_03
 Our world as a family revolved around Dwayne's NBA schedule and his, you know, his games, his practices, the countless, you know, therapists and specialists and trainers and this, that, and the other.
0
SPEAKER_03
We all had to revolve around him.
0
SPEAKER_03
And so what he said, it's your turn.
0
SPEAKER_03
 I took that pretty literally, because I definitely thought, oh, awesome.
0
SPEAKER_03
Oh, this is going to be amazing.
0
SPEAKER_03
And it really wasn't.
0
SPEAKER_03
They never saw what it took.
0
SPEAKER_03
They didn't come to my sets.
0
SPEAKER_03
We all go to his games.
0
SPEAKER_03
We know what his greatness looks like.
0
SPEAKER_03
We can see him on TV.
0
SPEAKER_03
But my projects, they don't come out for a year later or whatever.
0
SPEAKER_03
And they've never been on set, so they just had no idea.
0
SPEAKER_03
 It, you know, it kind of culminated in this day where I had zooms back to back, you know, I'm struggling, I'm struggling.
0
SPEAKER_03
I see him walk by and I'm like, Oh yo, can you, can you get me a glass of water please?
0
SPEAKER_03
And he goes, I don't work for you.
0
SPEAKER_03
Come again.
0
SPEAKER_03
And I'm thinking, I didn't work for you either, but like I did what was necessary.
0
SPEAKER_03
I did what was on my heart.
0
SPEAKER_03
I didn't, I didn't, I didn't realize we were keeping track.
0
SPEAKER_03
I didn't,
0
SPEAKER_03
 And I had to realize like, oh, support looks different, real different.
0
SPEAKER_03
And when it's, you know, I don't wanna speak in generalities, but a lot of times I've heard a lot of women relate to this, that when it's, you know, the man's turn to return the favor, it just looks a lot different.
0
SPEAKER_03
And where they feel like put out or y'all, you know,
0
SPEAKER_03
 A lot of men feel put out and like they're losing or they're being weak by helping, by being an active participant in their household and in child rearing and in, you know, you know, marital support or relationship support.
0
SPEAKER_03
They receive it.
0
SPEAKER_03
Amazing.
0
SPEAKER_03
But when it's time to give,
0
SPEAKER_03
 it somehow feels differently.
0
SPEAKER_03
And getting through those challenges without me, you know, smothering him with a pillow has been a challenge.
0
SPEAKER_07
 Thank you for being so honest because it's, again, I think you're speaking about something that every single person experiences in one way or another.
0
SPEAKER_07
What's remarkable is obviously that even though that may have been the transition point of now it's your turn, you were still having an incredibly successful career during that time and you were still doing amazing things.
0
SPEAKER_07
 one wouldn't know that everything was revolving around his basketball career because it's not like you weren't winning too.
0
SPEAKER_07
But it's amazing to see how much that would have taken for you to balance.
0
SPEAKER_07
And then finally, when it comes back, how do you have that conversation?
0
SPEAKER_07
What you just shared with me is so beautiful.
0
SPEAKER_07
And as a married man who I'm trying to be
0
SPEAKER_07
 what I would hope my mom would be proud of me being because she raised me and she was an amazing mom.
0
SPEAKER_07
And I've seen my mom like run a household and work way harder than anyone around.
0
SPEAKER_07
And so I've always felt the need to want to support.
0
SPEAKER_07
So I'm always trying my best.
0
SPEAKER_07
How do you have that conversation with your partner and how do our listeners have that conversation with their partner where it doesn't become this give and take,
0
SPEAKER_07
 demand, but it actually starts to, you know, we know there's no ideal, but how does it start to become a healthier space of collaboration?
0
SPEAKER_07
If that even exists, how do you get them?
0
SPEAKER_07
What, what do you do to try shift in that direction?
0
SPEAKER_03
Listen, I'm not even going to front.
0
SPEAKER_03
Like it was easy.
0
SPEAKER_03
Cause my instinct was be like, are you kidding me?
0
SPEAKER_03
You know, and then it's an argument, but I'm still thirsty.
0
SPEAKER_03
I still don't have the water.
0
SPEAKER_03
You know what I mean?
0
SPEAKER_03
So I had to be like, I love you.
0
SPEAKER_03
 And that hurt me.
0
SPEAKER_03
And I want to figure out how to talk to you about this so we can figure out how to navigate this, which I totally read somewhere.
0
SPEAKER_03
I'm not even going to pretend like I came up with that.
0
SPEAKER_03
But this idea of when you're like, you want to do that?
0
SPEAKER_03
I love you.
0
SPEAKER_03
What that was, was not ideal.
0
SPEAKER_03
And it hurt me.
0
SPEAKER_03
 but is there a way that we can come up with something together that we're both okay with?
0
SPEAKER_03
 Totally worked, but I can't take credit for it.
0
SPEAKER_03
But it's super effective.
0
SPEAKER_03
But if you lead with love, and it's like, I'm not trying to hurt you.
0
SPEAKER_03
I'm not trying to squash you.
0
SPEAKER_03
I'm not, as my husband says, cut your balls off.
0
SPEAKER_03
I'm trying to figure out how we can move through this world together, not one walking in front of the other, dragging them behind or, you know,
0
SPEAKER_03
 one person sort of dictating to the other, but how do we walk side by side, each of us getting enough of what we need?
0
SPEAKER_03
And a lot of that just boils down to use your words.
0
SPEAKER_03
Like we tell the talker, use your words.
0
SPEAKER_03
That tantrum is cute.
0
SPEAKER_03
I think I know what you're talking about.
0
SPEAKER_03
You got to use your words, calm down, take a time out if needed, use your words, and let's come back to this.
0
SPEAKER_03
And
0
SPEAKER_03
 It's been night and day.
0
SPEAKER_03
But a lot of it is, as women, we are conditioned to be nurturers.
0
SPEAKER_03
We are conditioned to be trauma and emotional and physical labor mules.
0
SPEAKER_03
That is just what our lot in life is.
0
SPEAKER_03
And that's how we're deemed a good woman, based on how much we can take, basically.
0
SPEAKER_03
There's not a lot of upside on that.
0
SPEAKER_03
But men are judged by, do you provide?
0
SPEAKER_03
 That's it, you provide.
0
SPEAKER_03
But in our household, we both provide.
0
SPEAKER_03
We both bought this house.
0
SPEAKER_03
So mama is going to work and mama needs some things too.
0
SPEAKER_03
So this is what I need.
0
SPEAKER_07
 I want you to know, Gabrielle, that everything you're saying is resonating.
0
SPEAKER_07
We have a bunch of my team, some of them which are men, producing this show right now, and they're all nodding, laughing, agreeing.
0
SPEAKER_07
You're connecting.
0
SPEAKER_07
So everything you're saying is resonating with not just me, but a lot of the guys who are listening right now as well.
0
SPEAKER_07
And I think that's so true.
0
SPEAKER_07
One of the things that I've always tried to think of it as is, do I really see myself spending the rest of my life with this person?
0
SPEAKER_07
 And if I do, is what I'm about to say in this moment how I want them to feel potentially for the rest of our life?
0
SPEAKER_07
Because they could.
0
SPEAKER_07
They could take this moment and they could never let go of it if it really hurts them.
0
SPEAKER_07
If I really say something insensitive, my wife could think about this for the next 10, 20, 30 years because it hurts her so deeply.
0
SPEAKER_07
And that's going to ruin the next 10, 20, 30 years of my own life.
0
SPEAKER_07
So even if it's selfish,
0
SPEAKER_07
 It's a great reflection of being honest and just being like, if I'm going to spend the rest of my life with this person, if I'm going to wake up in bed next to them next week and next year, do I want them to feel that this is how I feel about them?
0
SPEAKER_07
And that's been something that's really helped me, where I'm always trying to fast forward into the future and go, how does me saying this right now, because it's comfortable, make my life really uncomfortable in the future?
0
SPEAKER_03
 Oh, listen, my first marriage, because there's been more than one.
0
SPEAKER_03
We were at our marriage therapist putting in that lastest effort.
0
SPEAKER_03
And she said to me, you seem to be very focused on winning and losing and who's a winner, who's a loser.
0
SPEAKER_03
You do realize in order for a marriage to be successful, you need to both win.
0
SPEAKER_03
 So, you know, some days you're going to win, some days he's going to win, some days you're going to lose, you know, vice versa.
0
SPEAKER_03
But you really seem to be very focused on making your husband a loser.
0
SPEAKER_03
And I'm like, yeah.
0
SPEAKER_03
I think I would have gotten that lesson, but it's like, you know, I come from sports just like he comes from sports and it's like, we don't play that.
0
SPEAKER_03
You get a freaking trophy just for showing up.
0
SPEAKER_03
Like that's,
0
SPEAKER_03
 No, like, you know, I don't know if you guys saw the two Olympians who, you know, went out with like a shared gold medal.
0
SPEAKER_03
No, not in this house.
0
SPEAKER_03
We're gonna play till the bitter end.
0
SPEAKER_03
You know, I want Megan Rapinoe taking my PK.
0
SPEAKER_03
Like, listen, that's just what it is, right?
0
SPEAKER_03
I want a winner and I want a loser, and you're gonna take this L. But I have to always remember, if I want a successful marriage, I can't want you to be a loser in this.
0
SPEAKER_03
 So you have to reprioritize if you want success.
0
SPEAKER_03
Do you want to win or do you want to be successful?
0
SPEAKER_03
Cause those two things don't always go together.
0
SPEAKER_07
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_07
I think that's really well said.
0
SPEAKER_07
How does that translate, that energy and that spirit translate to the kids?
0
SPEAKER_07
Because how are they taking that on?
0
SPEAKER_07
How are they taking on both of your competitive spirits, but also understanding the difference between success and winning?
0
SPEAKER_07
How are you, how are you working that through?
0
SPEAKER_03
 Oh, they look at us like we're nuts.
0
SPEAKER_03
They're in that younger generation where it's not about winning.
0
SPEAKER_03
It's the experience.
0
SPEAKER_03
It's the journey.
0
SPEAKER_03
I'm like, that's cute.
0
SPEAKER_03
What?
0
SPEAKER_03
It's a whole different generation where it's not about the outcome.
0
SPEAKER_03
It's about your path.
0
SPEAKER_03
It's about, are you a good person?
0
SPEAKER_03
Are you compassionate?
0
SPEAKER_03
Are you a good global citizen?
0
SPEAKER_03
And I'm like, yeah, but who won?
0
SPEAKER_03
And they're like, that's not what's important.
0
SPEAKER_03
 So we have to catch up to them.
2
SPEAKER_06
 healed and healthy and, and not feel alone.
2
SPEAKER_06
So when I get information, I share it.
2
SPEAKER_06
And, you know, and also when I'm when I hit roadblocks, I'll share it is just as I share, you know, some of my solutions and the way I've in my paths.
2
SPEAKER_06
I'm so open to hearing other ways of getting from A to B.
2
SPEAKER_06
 But you gotta be open to do that.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_03
Gabrielle, that's beautiful.
2
SPEAKER_03
Thank you so much for your time today.
2
SPEAKER_03
We end every On Purpose episode with a fast five, so each question has to be answered in one word or one sentence maximum.
2
SPEAKER_03
So, Gabrielle Union, these are your fast five.
2
SPEAKER_03
First question, what is the best advice you've ever received?
2
SPEAKER_06
It's okay to say, I don't know.
2
SPEAKER_03
Great.
2
SPEAKER_03
Question number two, what is the worst advice you've ever received?
2
SPEAKER_06
Snuggles is dead, now what?
2
SPEAKER_03
 Okay.
2
SPEAKER_03
Question number three, how would you, how do you tell whether you are feeling like a good parent or not?
2
SPEAKER_06
Um, I guess by how big the wine glass is.
2
SPEAKER_03
That's a great answer.
2
SPEAKER_03
All right.
2
SPEAKER_03
Question number four.
2
SPEAKER_03
Uh, what's the biggest lesson you've learned in the last 12 months?
2
SPEAKER_06
That I don't have all the answers.
2
SPEAKER_03
Great.
2
SPEAKER_03
And question number five, if you can make one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?
2
SPEAKER_06
 at the moment to get vaccinated.
2
SPEAKER_03
 Amazing.
2
SPEAKER_03
Gabrielle Union, everyone.
2
SPEAKER_03
Gabrielle, thank you so much for your time.
2
SPEAKER_03
Thank you to your team.
2
SPEAKER_03
And for anyone who's been listening or watching, make sure you go and grab a copy of the book.
2
SPEAKER_03
We'll have the link in the comments and the caption.
2
SPEAKER_03
And for anyone else who's been listening or watching, make sure you tag both me and Gabrielle on Instagram and let us know what were the parts that stood out, the parts that resonated.
2
SPEAKER_03
I hope that you're gonna share this with a family member or friend who's experienced some of the things that Gabrielle's been talking about or some of the things that would move them and improve their life.
2
SPEAKER_03
 Gabrielle, thank you for joining us on On Purpose and I look forward to meeting you in person.
2
SPEAKER_06
No, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, thanks so much for sharing your soul.
2
SPEAKER_03
I really appreciate it.
2
SPEAKER_00
 Oh my goodness, I have been waiting for this day.
2
SPEAKER_00
Jay and I are so excited to announce that this fall we will be launching our very own hot tea brand called, drum roll please, Lussama.
2
SPEAKER_00
Herbal tea has been part of my daily rituals for such a long time now.
2
SPEAKER_00
I choose different teas throughout the day depending on how my body feels, my mood, my intention.
2
SPEAKER_00
It's really the first thing that I drink in the morning and the last thing that I drink at night.
2
SPEAKER_00
 Luckily, Jay is exactly the same, so we have a moment together every morning, every night, sipping on tea.
2
SPEAKER_00
Over the last year, having a ritual that brings a little moment of peace, comfort and presence has been so important.
2
SPEAKER_00
It reminds me of being at home with my family in London, sitting by the fire, laughing, sipping on tea, which is a feeling I have been missing a lot.
2
SPEAKER_00
 It's been hard to find that feeling of comfort and of acceptance in the chaos lately, but honestly, a cup of tea has most definitely helped.
2
SPEAKER_00
There's so much more I want to share with you, but for now, go ahead and sign up today at samatea.com and enter to win a signed limited edition sampler box full of vibrant, delicious, fantastic teas that will inspire moments of mindfulness.
2
SPEAKER_05
 Discover a new educational and interactive podcast, Stories for Kids by Lingokids.
2
SPEAKER_05
Our episodes are packed with fun activities.
2
SPEAKER_05
Right, Elliot?
2
SPEAKER_05
Oh, yes!
2
SPEAKER_05
We went shape hunting around the block, and we found spheres and cubes on the street.
2
SPEAKER_05
That was great fun.
2
SPEAKER_05
Join Stories for Kids, the Lingokids podcast, inspiring you to learn while having fun.
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SPEAKER_05
Listen to Stories for Kids on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
2
SPEAKER_01
 Hey everyone, this is Molly and Matt and we're the hosts of Grown Up Stuff How to Adult, a podcast from Ruby Studio and iHeart Podcasts.
2
SPEAKER_02
It's a show dedicated to helping you figure out the trickiest parts of adulting.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like how to start planning for retirement, creating a healthy skincare routine, understanding when and how much to tip someone and so much more.
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SPEAKER_02
Let's learn about all of it and then some.
2
SPEAKER_02
Listen to Grown Up Stuff How to Adult on America's number one podcast network, iHeart.
2
SPEAKER_02
Open your free iHeart app and search Grown Up Stuff.
2
SPEAKER_04
 This is the story of how a group of people brought music back to Afghanistan by creating their own version of American Idol.
2
SPEAKER_04
The joy they brought to the nation.
2
SPEAKER_03
You're free completely.
2
SPEAKER_03
No one is there to destroy you.
2
SPEAKER_04
The danger they endured.
2
SPEAKER_00
They said my head should be cut off.
2
SPEAKER_04
I'm John Legend.
2
SPEAKER_04
Listen to Afghan Star on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.