0
SPEAKER_00
You have anxiety over your performance, your concert.
0
SPEAKER_00
I do.
0
SPEAKER_02
And so, like, the amount of cameras and high-tech, like, Rob has 400 masks on because he s sick, but he still came in, too.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, because we needed to set up the guitar.
0
SPEAKER_00
Normally, this is, like, the most high-tech day of all.
0
SPEAKER_00
This is what he sets up when, like, Norah Jones comes.
0
SPEAKER_01
This is insane.
0
SPEAKER_01
I really feel uncomfortable with this.
0
SPEAKER_02
All right, can you play just the guitar?
0
SPEAKER_01
I can really hear the guitar.
0
SPEAKER_02
Is that how— I don t play very hard.
0
SPEAKER_01
That sounds good.
0
SPEAKER_02
Is that how you want it, though, in your ears?
0
SPEAKER_00
It s kinda loud, but I like, yeah, it s good.
0
SPEAKER_00
You could take the headphones off for your song if that s gonna be annoying.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
But people, like, Rihanna wears headphones.
0
SPEAKER_00
She does?
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay, then I ll do it that way.
0
SPEAKER_02
She did when she came here.
0
SPEAKER_02
And did the same thing.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh, I hate this.
0
SPEAKER_01
How do you feel?
0
SPEAKER_00
Talk about your nerves about... Okay, so I feel guilty.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh.
0
SPEAKER_00
Because I did this last night.
0
SPEAKER_00
I came home from a trip yesterday on the plane.
0
SPEAKER_00
But I tend to procrastinate, especially with writing.
0
SPEAKER_00
Everyone does.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
0
SPEAKER_00
Unlike you, I m not learning a new skill, but I kind of thought about it for the past couple months, or whatever, a month.
0
SPEAKER_00
I guess a month since we assigned this horrible challenge to ourselves.
0
SPEAKER_00
I m like, what am I going to seize the day?
0
SPEAKER_00
What s it going to be?
0
SPEAKER_00
What am I going to do?
0
SPEAKER_00
And I m just like ponder, but then it evaporates and I stopped thinking about it.
0
SPEAKER_00
And so yesterday I was on my plane ride home.
0
SPEAKER_00
I want to know about your trip.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, we ll talk about the trip after.
0
SPEAKER_00
And I had like 20 minutes left in the flight and I opened my notes app and I started doing a couple notes to get some ideas.
0
SPEAKER_00
Then I sent it to myself.
0
SPEAKER_00
And then I was like, when I get home, I ll do it.
0
SPEAKER_00
I ll get it done.
0
SPEAKER_00
I just did everything else I could possibly do.
0
SPEAKER_00
Deep clean.
0
SPEAKER_00
Deep clean.
0
SPEAKER_00
Up your apartment.
0
SPEAKER_00
Call your mom.
0
SPEAKER_00
I looked up the best songs of all time.
0
SPEAKER_00
The 500 best songs of all time, according to Rolling Stone.
0
SPEAKER_00
And the website was so annoying and slow.
0
SPEAKER_00
And so it took me so long to be able to get to all 500.
0
SPEAKER_00
But I did.
0
SPEAKER_00
And then when I was done, I was about to text you to check in on your progress and also to say, should we not do it?
0
SPEAKER_00
I would have loved to get that.
0
SPEAKER_00
But then I and then I said, no, we can t.
0
SPEAKER_00
We said we were going to do something and we have to do it.
0
SPEAKER_00
You re right.
0
SPEAKER_00
This is the upside of challenges, especially public ones.
0
SPEAKER_00
You have to deliver.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s true.
0
SPEAKER_00
So then I started it last night, you know, using my notes and then.
0
SPEAKER_00
One thing I feel like we should have maybe discussed was a word requirement.
0
SPEAKER_00
I didn t really know how long it was supposed to be.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s not that long.
0
SPEAKER_01
I think that s great.
0
SPEAKER_01
I played around a little bit with mine too.
0
SPEAKER_01
I got a little creative.
0
SPEAKER_01
I don t know if I had to do a full song or I did to do, so I put a spin on it.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God, you put a spin.
0
SPEAKER_00
I did.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay, so how are you feeling from, this is the question I asked you on the very first episode of Race to 35.
0
SPEAKER_00
How are you feeling, nerves-wise, from zero to 10?
0
SPEAKER_01
That s actually a good thing to think about because I m less nervous than when we did our shots for the first time.
0
SPEAKER_01
I mean, this is going to be painful, but there s no—yeah, no one s hurting me.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s a 10, though.
0
SPEAKER_01
But I came in and I told Rob, I was like, I kind of miss feeling bad at something, right?
0
SPEAKER_01
Or doing something for the first time.
0
SPEAKER_00
Challenging.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s like, truly, I know I m not great at and just kind of trying.
0
SPEAKER_00
I m so proud of you.
0
SPEAKER_00
You haven t done it yet, and it doesn t even matter what you do.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s a big deal that you re doing this.
0
SPEAKER_00
I m really impressed.
0
SPEAKER_00
I could never do it.
0
SPEAKER_00
I mean, again, shout out to my roommate for celebrating.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, do you want to do a little acceptance speech?
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, you know, I want to thank my next-door neighbors that definitely have been wondering what I ve been doing, my roommate who has been supportive throughout this, and obviously you for giving me the
0
SPEAKER_00
The space.
0
SPEAKER_00
The space.
0
SPEAKER_00
I have a question.
0
SPEAKER_00
Do you think people listening right now are like with the covers over their face?
0
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
0
SPEAKER_00
Like they re so anxious.
0
SPEAKER_00
Scared.
0
SPEAKER_00
If I was a listener, I mean I am a listener to be fair.
0
SPEAKER_00
I m about to listen to you do this.
0
SPEAKER_00
And for me too, like listening to something somebody wrote
0
SPEAKER_00
There could be an ick.
0
SPEAKER_00
Because you re trying.
0
SPEAKER_00
That s what the ick is, which I don t— I think we should— We need to get away from that.
0
SPEAKER_00
I know.
0
SPEAKER_00
Trying is good.
0
SPEAKER_00
Trying is good.
0
SPEAKER_00
We live in a world where we just so rarely have to put ourselves out there and be scared and vulnerable because in all our pictures, we just, like, filter them and we— It s such a filtered world.
0
SPEAKER_00
That s true.
0
SPEAKER_00
And this is not.
0
SPEAKER_01
There s no— I wish I could put a filter on my voice and my skills.
0
SPEAKER_00
Now, I assume you want to go first, yeah?
0
SPEAKER_00
Or not?
0
SPEAKER_00
Maybe you go.
0
SPEAKER_00
You want me to go first?
0
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
0
SPEAKER_01
Are you sure?
0
SPEAKER_01
I don t want to do this, so I will find any reason to delay it.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay, so that s how you— See, people have two MOs for this.
0
SPEAKER_00
If they are dreading something so badly, they want to get it out of the way.
0
SPEAKER_00
They just want to be done with it.
0
SPEAKER_00
Or they go last.
0
SPEAKER_00
I think I m normally someone who likes to go last.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, me too.
0
SPEAKER_00
And just wait for every other person to do it.
0
SPEAKER_01
You know, there s a study about this that they tell people, I ll give you a bigger shock, but give it to you now.
0
SPEAKER_01
Or I ll give you a slighter shock and it s going to come in the next 10 minutes and people choose the bigger shock now.
0
SPEAKER_01
Because you don t know when it s coming.
0
SPEAKER_01
You don t know when it s coming and the anticipation of the pain is worse than like the actual pain.
0
SPEAKER_01
So maybe I should just go first.
0
SPEAKER_01
Maybe I should just...
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay, I m just gonna do it, I m just gonna do it.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay, ow, oh God.
0
SPEAKER_01
Do you want me to look at you or look away?
0
SPEAKER_01
I m not gonna make eye contact.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_01
Also because I have to look down at my nose.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay, perfect.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh, this is really exciting.
0
SPEAKER_00
This is all month coming.
0
SPEAKER_01
I feel like I m like 11 and I m about to play at a recital in front of my mom.
0
SPEAKER_00
I know, it feels like that.
0
SPEAKER_01
But remember how supportive moms are.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s true.
0
SPEAKER_01
There are moms listening.
0
SPEAKER_01
There are.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I m gonna think about them.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, I don t, ah, can you cut this out?
0
SPEAKER_00
I m like, blah, okay.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh God.
0
SPEAKER_00
This is like how you were acting before you tried chicken.
0
SPEAKER_00
For the first time.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay, okay, okay.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m doing it, okay.
0
SPEAKER_01
Moms do this, they film their children.
0
SPEAKER_02
They do, they do, they do.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_01
Nice to meet you, where you been?
0
SPEAKER_01
I can show you incredible things, magic, madness, heaven, sin.
0
SPEAKER_01
Saw you there and I thought, oh my God, look at that face.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh my god, I m so nervous.
0
SPEAKER_01
You look like my next mistake.
0
SPEAKER_01
Love s a game, wanna play?
0
SPEAKER_01
I didn t even tell you what song I was playing.
0
SPEAKER_01
Keep going!
0
SPEAKER_01
I m doing a sad version of Planning Space.
0
SPEAKER_01
Or it s gonna go down in flames You can tell me when it s over If the high was worth the pain Got a long list of ex-lovers They ll tell you I m insane Cause you know I love the players And you love the game Cause we re young and we re reckless
0
SPEAKER_01
We ll take this way too far It ll leave you breathless Or with a nasty scar Got a long list of ex-lovers They ll tell you I m insane Cause I ve got a blank space, baby I ll write your name Okay, this is the part that I like This is great!
0
SPEAKER_01
Right.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay, you ready?
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
Perfect hips, pretty eyes.
0
SPEAKER_01
She could show you incredible things.
0
SPEAKER_01
Prada pants, small in size.
0
SPEAKER_01
You re the king, baby, she s your queen.
0
SPEAKER_01
Find out what she wants.
0
SPEAKER_01
Be that boy for a month.
0
SPEAKER_01
Wait, the best is yet to come.
0
SPEAKER_01
Smart, stunning, witty jokes She can make all the earbuds turn Rose garden filled with awards Keep you second-guessing like, oh my god Who is she?
0
SPEAKER_01
How did I get so lucky?
0
SPEAKER_01
But you ll come back or never leave Cause darling, she s a pothouse dressed like a daydream So it s Monica forever Or it s gonna be no one else She can tell you when it s over Oh no!
1
SPEAKER_00
Yes, she can tell you when it s over, if the coupling was worth the pain.
1
SPEAKER_00
There s just no better person who s quite as dazzling.
1
SPEAKER_00
And you know she has a blank space, baby.
1
SPEAKER_00
And her dad will write your name.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh my god, this is so sweet.
1
SPEAKER_00
He ll write your name.
1
SPEAKER_00
He ll write your name.
1
SPEAKER_00
Monica s dad will write your name.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yay, Liz!
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh my god, I m like shaking.
1
SPEAKER_00
You did it!
1
SPEAKER_00
I forgot to breathe.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh my god.
1
SPEAKER_00
That was amazing.
1
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
1
SPEAKER_00
I only started writing your part three days ago because I was like I want this to be like fun.
1
SPEAKER_01
That was so fun and special and you just did the hardest thing in the whole world.
1
SPEAKER_01
I did it so now I can do anything.
1
SPEAKER_01
You can do anything.
1
SPEAKER_01
That was exciting.
1
SPEAKER_01
No one s ever written a song about me.
1
SPEAKER_01
Really?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh my god, it was so fun.
1
SPEAKER_00
How do you feel?
1
SPEAKER_00
I m really glad it s over.
1
SPEAKER_00
I would like us to like not put it in the episode Okay, we will okay, but I feel really good.
1
SPEAKER_00
Do you feel proud of yourself?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I guess I wish it was more emphatic Okay, that is hard what you just did.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s something I m trying to do more of
1
SPEAKER_00
like savor moments and like savor wins because usually I ll just like I m like keep going.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, but you re right.
1
SPEAKER_00
I am proud of myself.
1
SPEAKER_00
Good.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m so happy.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yay.
1
SPEAKER_00
Thanks Rob for coming being so sick and coming just for this.
1
SPEAKER_00
Do you think she did a good job?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, exactly.
1
SPEAKER_01
Exactly.
1
SPEAKER_00
Better than expected.
1
SPEAKER_01
And, wow, I mean, you were great on the guitar.
1
SPEAKER_01
I was kind of so focused on the— It s an easy song, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
I chose kind of a simple, easy one.
1
SPEAKER_00
Still, don t dismiss it.
1
SPEAKER_01
You played the guitar, you sang, and you wrote a song.
1
SPEAKER_01
Thanks.
1
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s big.
1
SPEAKER_00
Thanks for listening.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m a proud mom.
1
SPEAKER_00
Aww.
1
SPEAKER_00
I loved when you were filming with your phone.
1
SPEAKER_00
It made me feel safe.
1
SPEAKER_00
I just saw a giant phone in my face.
1
SPEAKER_01
You feel safest when there s a phone.
1
SPEAKER_01
Even though there s six cameras.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, man.
1
SPEAKER_01
Great, great, great job.
1
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
1
SPEAKER_01
I wish I had gone first, because this is going to be disappointing.
1
SPEAKER_00
No, don t say that.
1
SPEAKER_00
You re an amazing fucking writer.
1
SPEAKER_00
This is going to be great.
1
SPEAKER_00
And it s also hard to rethink— This is embarrassing.
1
SPEAKER_00
Dude, I write.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, literally, I m a writer, and I ve never read my writing out loud.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, this is hard.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay, ready?
1
SPEAKER_00
No, now you re gonna do it.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh my god, now I m so nervous.
1
SPEAKER_00
This is crazy.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s nerve-wracking.
1
SPEAKER_00
I feel like I m sweating.
1
SPEAKER_00
I never sweat.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m sweating all over the place.
1
SPEAKER_00
I like forgot to breathe.
1
SPEAKER_00
You can do it.
1
SPEAKER_00
You ll be great.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_01
Seize the day.
1
SPEAKER_01
She was Asian.
1
SPEAKER_01
She being the 15-year-old girl who had a seizure in the middle of the cafeteria of my high school.
1
SPEAKER_01
I wasn t sure of her specific ethnicity because this occurred during a time in my life where an acknowledging other people s race would have meant acknowledging my own.
1
SPEAKER_01
And this was a non-starter, both for survival and also because at the time I was reserving my critical thinking skills for whether Ross and Rachel were on a break.
1
SPEAKER_01
I will never forget what it looked like, the seizure.
1
SPEAKER_01
Actually, as I write this, I realize I, in fact, have forgotten what it looked like.
1
SPEAKER_01
I only remember that it was yucky and that multiple teachers who were at the time younger than my current age were dealing with this crisis in the best way they knew how, which is to say very badly and with zero tact and minimal grace.
1
SPEAKER_01
I have a vague memory of the physics teacher screaming, grab her tongue, while slowly backing away into the double doors.
1
SPEAKER_01
Upon hearing this non-medical call to action, a few teachers feigned a sad attempt to grab the tongue, but they never succeeded because of two obvious reasons—bites and slobber.
1
SPEAKER_01
The entire event was very scary, and at the time it was the most shocking thing I had ever seen a body do.
1
SPEAKER_01
This is because I was a late bloomer and had not yet seen a man ejaculate.
1
SPEAKER_01
I distinctly remember thinking if she ended up okay, she would surely regret having survived this in a room full of teenagers.
1
SPEAKER_01
I considered asking the lunch lady, the most senior member of the cafeteria, if I could switch lunch periods so I would never have to cross paths with this unpredictable little shaker ever again.
1
SPEAKER_01
For her sake, it seemed the most thoughtful thing to do was fully abandon her.
1
SPEAKER_01
I don t remember seeing that seizure girl again, though every two or three years I ll text my best friend Callie for confirmation.
1
SPEAKER_01
Do you remember that seizure girl?
1
SPEAKER_01
She always says, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
She s good at replying with an efficient truth.
1
SPEAKER_01
We were next to each other during the incident, a moment that likely solidified our lifelong friendship.
1
SPEAKER_01
Experiencing that degree of secondhand embarrassment is an unparalleled trauma bond.
1
SPEAKER_01
After some time, high school came to an end.
1
SPEAKER_01
College commenced.
1
SPEAKER_01
I played mustard seed in the theater department s rendition of A Midsummer Night s Dream.
1
SPEAKER_01
Callie came to support me.
1
SPEAKER_01
I made friends with the girl who had the whitest skin and bluest eyes.
1
SPEAKER_01
She was the type of person who was so striking, she had to pretend to be weird in order to present more complex.
1
SPEAKER_01
She was great.
1
SPEAKER_01
I graduated, moved to Los Angeles, worked at SoulCycle, and continued to think about whether Ross and Rachel were on a break.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then sometime after that,
1
SPEAKER_01
I had a seizure myself.
1
SPEAKER_01
I, too, am Asian.
1
SPEAKER_01
If you have a problem with this statement, I suggest you take it up with the Department of Education, an organization that required me to shade the bubble next to Asian on so many standardized tests I eventually internalized it.
1
SPEAKER_01
But it was a long journey there.
1
SPEAKER_01
One of my core memories is the first time that Scantron hit my desk in first grade.
1
SPEAKER_01
We were told it was a test every first grader had to take in the whole county.
1
SPEAKER_01
What s a county, I thought.
1
SPEAKER_01
I hope that s not a question on the test.
1
SPEAKER_01
It wasn t.
1
SPEAKER_01
In fact, the test was quite easy and, well, standard.
1
SPEAKER_01
The hardest question on the test was, what is your race?
1
SPEAKER_01
I knew my family was from India, but it wasn t an option.
1
SPEAKER_01
Hmm, my first run-in with trick questions.
1
SPEAKER_01
I tried to cheat off my neighbor, but we had those shame-inducing wooden dividers meant to microaggress all the first grade cheaters, of which I was one.
1
SPEAKER_01
I finished the whole test answering how many apples Sally had if she started with six, ate one, and gave two to her brother Davey.
1
SPEAKER_01
But I kept returning back to that one original doozy of a question.
1
SPEAKER_01
What are you?
1
SPEAKER_01
Changing my answer multiple times.
1
SPEAKER_01
While I initially filled out white because goals,
1
SPEAKER_01
Upon rereading the question, it was what are you, not what do you want to be.
1
SPEAKER_01
Black?
1
SPEAKER_01
Maybe.
1
SPEAKER_01
I seem closer to black in coloring than to white.
1
SPEAKER_01
What a puzzle!
1
SPEAKER_01
I raise my hand and ask the proctor.
1
SPEAKER_01
Excuse me, what am I supposed to put here?
1
SPEAKER_01
I know white is the best, but I m a reformed cheater and working on being more honest, so I m afraid I can t pick that one.
1
SPEAKER_01
This is a common trait of people who are oppressed.
1
SPEAKER_01
They take on the opinions of their oppressors.
1
SPEAKER_01
In this case, I was being oppressed by both white society and the non-cheaters of America.
1
SPEAKER_01
I didn t have a chance.
1
SPEAKER_01
The geriatric 28-year-old Proctor needed this conversation to be over, so she said, um, just put whatever s closest.
1
SPEAKER_01
Then I saw it.
1
SPEAKER_01
How dumb was I?
1
SPEAKER_01
According to my dad, I was not dumb, just careless.
1
SPEAKER_01
Okay, so how careless was I?
1
SPEAKER_01
Very.
1
SPEAKER_01
The right answer was right there the whole time.
1
SPEAKER_01
American Indian.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s me.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m both American and Indian, a box just for me.
1
SPEAKER_01
I enthusiastically colored in the box with so much gusto the Scantron ripped.
1
SPEAKER_01
Rookie mistake, but worth the validation of my identity.
1
SPEAKER_01
I continued to bubble in American Indian for the next five years.
1
SPEAKER_01
At some point in middle school, dots not feathers entered my purview, and I started to question everything.
1
SPEAKER_01
One night, as I was getting ready for bed and feeding my rip-off Tamagotchi, I asked my dad if we were American Indians.
1
SPEAKER_01
I could see on his face he feared he might have spoken prematurely on me being careless, not dumb.
1
SPEAKER_01
He explained the situation, leaving out the graphic details of the indigenous people, because neither him nor I are fans of gory movies.
1
SPEAKER_01
And while I was happy to have this cleared up, the big, what are you, test question remained unanswered.
1
SPEAKER_01
So my dad showed me a globe.
1
SPEAKER_01
India.
1
SPEAKER_01
There it was.
1
SPEAKER_01
Hard to miss.
1
SPEAKER_01
And with it lay my answer.
1
SPEAKER_01
In cursive script, Asia.
1
SPEAKER_01
Bingo.
1
SPEAKER_01
India was in Asia.
1
SPEAKER_01
I had seen Asian as an option, but I never considered it was my past, present, and future.
1
SPEAKER_01
But now I knew, and here we are.
1
SPEAKER_01
About 27 years after my first standardized test and 17 years after the cafeteria debacle, I had a seizure at the Four Seasons in New York City, a very luxe place to convulse.
1
SPEAKER_01
Luckily, mine was in bed in a hotel room and not in a public environment.
1
SPEAKER_01
I had learned from my foremother s mistake.
1
SPEAKER_01
Like the cafeteria, I don t remember much other than that my friends took great care of me, and though they have always been very kind when they talk about it, I know from my own experience, it was yucky.
1
SPEAKER_01
On that day, in that moment, I became yet another Asian seizure girl in a long list of Asian seizure girls.
1
SPEAKER_01
A dime a dozen, we are.
1
SPEAKER_00
The end.
1
SPEAKER_00
You need to publish this.
1
SPEAKER_00
Monica.
1
SPEAKER_00
Monica.
1
SPEAKER_00
You just wrote that last night?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Support for Synced comes from
2
SPEAKER_00
We just did a whole portion of an episode on skincare.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s basically ruled my life since I was 12, and in ways that have been fun and in ways that have been really annoying and frustrating.
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I have such a complicated relationship with my skin and skincare, and I m always on the hunt for just like an effective product line that hits my specific needs.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_01
Curology makes personalized prescription skincare products.
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SPEAKER_01
For a limited time, you can get your first Curology skincare box for just five bucks when you go to Curology.com slash Synced.
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Go to Curology.com slash Synced for this free offer.
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That s Curology, C-U-R-O-L-O-G-Y.com slash Synced, S-Y-N-C-E-D.
2
SPEAKER_01
Trial is 30 days, applies only to your first box, subject to consultation, new subscribers only.
2
SPEAKER_01
Support for Synced comes from Rocket Money.
2
SPEAKER_01
You were just telling me.
2
SPEAKER_01
Just last night, I realized that I had two subscriptions to a major streaming service, one on my phone, one on my TV, and I just lost a hundred bucks, like, last year, just paying for two.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I had no idea.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, and sometimes this happens, I ve noticed, if I go on vacation, or sometimes if I m at my parents  house and I can t log in or something, like, something s tricky, then I ll just make a new account and then plan on deleting it.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then I never do.
2
SPEAKER_00
And you forget.
2
SPEAKER_00
And they re so smart at making you forget.
2
SPEAKER_00
They really are.
2
SPEAKER_00
They plan on it.
2
SPEAKER_00
Which is why Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, it monitors your spending, and it helps lower your bills.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s fantastic.
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SPEAKER_00
It s like crucial.
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And it has over 5 million users and has helped save its members an average of $720 a year with over $500 million in canceled subscriptions.
2
SPEAKER_01
Stop wasting money on things you don t use.
2
SPEAKER_01
Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash sync.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s rocketmoney.com slash sync.
2
SPEAKER_01
Rocketmoney.com slash S-Y-N-C.
2
SPEAKER_01
Did you like it?
2
SPEAKER_01
It s very, very, very, very good.
2
SPEAKER_01
Thank you.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s like, that s what people put in a book that they ve worked on for years.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like, it s really, really, really, really amazing.
2
SPEAKER_01
I want to hear it again.
2
SPEAKER_01
I ll send it to you.
2
SPEAKER_01
Can you send it to me?
2
SPEAKER_01
I will send it to you.
2
SPEAKER_00
You re going to get a lot of emails.
2
SPEAKER_00
So will you.
2
SPEAKER_00
From agents.
2
SPEAKER_00
Maybe from Atlantic Records.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, for sure.
2
SPEAKER_00
Or Beyonce for songwriting.
2
SPEAKER_00
For sure.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s amazing.
2
SPEAKER_00
We did it.
2
SPEAKER_00
We did it.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m proud of—I m really proud of us.
2
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
2
SPEAKER_00
We both wanted to bail badly.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
And we didn t do it.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m so glad you didn t bail.
2
SPEAKER_00
Had you been thinking about it for a while?
2
SPEAKER_00
No, I had a feeling when you said, when you gave me the title, Seize the Day, that I was probably going to make it about my seizure.
2
SPEAKER_00
Did you know that when you said it?
2
SPEAKER_00
Of course, that s why I said it.
2
SPEAKER_01
Because you just talked about it and I was like, seize the day.
2
SPEAKER_01
Or maybe you hadn t, but to me it was like.
2
SPEAKER_01
It was obvious.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_01
But I didn t know in what way.
2
SPEAKER_00
Rob, how did you like my story?
2
SPEAKER_00
It was great.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s so good.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s fun and light, but also deep and profound.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I didn t know about that girl when you were growing up.
2
SPEAKER_02
It s cool.
2
SPEAKER_02
Like, I didn t know that you had seen that happen.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, the seizure.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it was really scary.
2
SPEAKER_00
Poor thing.
2
SPEAKER_00
Wow, wow, wow, wow.
2
SPEAKER_00
Can you imagine?
2
SPEAKER_00
In high school.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, in high school.
2
SPEAKER_02
Right.
2
SPEAKER_02
But then after that, you don t care about anything.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it s like this.
2
SPEAKER_02
It s like this.
2
SPEAKER_02
Now we re just gonna be like, actually, okay, this might be good, like, whatever that s called.
2
SPEAKER_02
Not rejection therapy, but immersion therapy.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yes, it is.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s like now I m not embarrassed by anything.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God, you re gonna just be walking around doing the most embarrassing things.
2
SPEAKER_00
More than I m already doing.
2
SPEAKER_00
And it ll be great.
2
SPEAKER_00
When I finished,
2
SPEAKER_00
I was so relieved, but also I love doing it.
2
SPEAKER_00
I love writing, which is why it was a goal to do more this year.
2
SPEAKER_00
And it s funny because the whole day I kept thinking like, I can t believe I have something I have to do tonight.
2
SPEAKER_00
Me too.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I have homework tonight.
2
SPEAKER_00
So annoyed.
2
SPEAKER_00
I have so many other things I should be doing.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s like two hours I ll never get back.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then you finish and it s all protective excuses because we re so scared we won t be able to deliver.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s right.
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, especially for writing, I think for anything creative, whatever the story is in your head is so different from what the reality is, which is your writing is incredible.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m sure with this essay touched so many people and the more you write, the more you ll impact the world.
2
SPEAKER_01
And like, I have the same thing in my head where it s like, this is shit and like, doesn t even matter.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I don t even have anything to say.
2
SPEAKER_01
And, and it s like, oh my God, shut up.
2
SPEAKER_00
We re always doing that to ourselves.
2
SPEAKER_00
Everyone is, which
2
SPEAKER_00
is so sad.
2
SPEAKER_00
Think about— I mean, this sounds so woo-woo.
2
SPEAKER_00
I guess you re rubbing off on me.
2
SPEAKER_00
But think about if everyone believed in themselves.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like, the beauty that would come out of it.
2
SPEAKER_00
We re missing out on so much because people stop themselves from achieving their potential.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s true.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it was so funny.
2
SPEAKER_01
It came up in my feed as I was coming here and I was like, this is meant to be a clip of Chadwick Boseman being interviewed by CBS.
2
SPEAKER_01
And they were like, what s your biggest block creatively?
2
SPEAKER_01
And he s like, confidence.
2
SPEAKER_01
And you re like, how can someone like that?
2
SPEAKER_01
And he said, you know, now instead of trying to be good, I just try and be honest.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, I like that.
2
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, that s what I m going to do today.
2
SPEAKER_00
And you did.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yes, that I did.
2
SPEAKER_00
There are some singers who are perfect.
2
SPEAKER_00
They have a perfect pitch.
2
SPEAKER_00
Everything s hitting exactly as it should.
2
SPEAKER_00
But it s missing something.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I think it s that.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s like an honesty, a presence in the moment.
2
SPEAKER_00
Whereas you can have somebody else who maybe isn t technically perfect, but you feel it so much deeper in their bones.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s what people would say about Ariana Grande sometimes.
2
SPEAKER_01
She was too perfect?
2
SPEAKER_01
I think a few years ago it was like she was… Why other… Again, not everyone can have the taste that they want, but that someone like maybe Taylor Swift or like where you see more of the chinks in their armor.
2
SPEAKER_01
And Ariana Grande is more polished.
2
SPEAKER_01
And yeah, an amazing vocalist.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, people want the mistakes and the flaws because that s what is real.
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, because we see ourselves in that.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
OK, speaking of musicians, the Grammys were last week and I miss them.
2
SPEAKER_00
I was out of town.
2
SPEAKER_00
I got so annoyed after.
2
SPEAKER_00
OK, because like here we are when you write things or when you are about to sing a song in front of people and you re putting yourself out there.
2
SPEAKER_00
You hope that everyone gives you the benefit of the doubt.
2
SPEAKER_00
everyone listening, that they re not here to rip you apart.
2
SPEAKER_00
They re here to support.
2
SPEAKER_00
They understand.
2
SPEAKER_00
They know what it s like to put themselves out there.
2
SPEAKER_00
Everyone can relate.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s what we assume.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s our shared humanity.
2
SPEAKER_00
Then when I was looking at the Grammy stuff, there was so much about Taylor like snubbing Celine Dion or something.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I didn t know what it was, and then I looked into it, which is just like, what, she didn t hug her or give her or acknowledge her when she was accepting her award?
2
SPEAKER_00
And I was so demoralized by seeing all of these articles and all of these things pop up.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s not a problem.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s not a problem.
2
SPEAKER_00
Those are awkward situations.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s not a big deal.
2
SPEAKER_00
Celine Dion didn t give a fuck.
2
SPEAKER_00
Why do you?
2
SPEAKER_00
And then again, it s just this zero benefit of the doubt.
2
SPEAKER_00
No understanding of, yeah, I would definitely do that.
2
SPEAKER_00
I would like totally not.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s so heightened and no one s saying, oh my gosh, it must be so crazy up there.
2
SPEAKER_00
They re like, oh my God, she should have done that.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m like, what?
2
SPEAKER_00
What is going on?
2
SPEAKER_01
I have a lot of thoughts about this, because this is always what we end up doing to people, but also particularly women, where we love you and then we re like, oh, you like that we love you?
2
SPEAKER_01
Then we don t like you anymore, right?
2
SPEAKER_01
Like with Taylor Swift, obviously that s been the ebbs and flows of sort of how the public feels about her.
2
SPEAKER_01
And we did it to Jennifer Lawrence.
2
SPEAKER_01
We did it to Anne Hathaway, right?
2
SPEAKER_01
And obviously we do it to people who aren t women too, but it s really pronounced.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, celebrities, they re fodder for this.
2
SPEAKER_00
It bums me out.
2
SPEAKER_00
Why can t we just, I don t know, I don t like it.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m feeling very allergic.
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, we ve already talked about this so much, but I really, like, I m so allergic to negativity right now.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m feeling really sensitive to it.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m sure for some personal reasons as well, but we all are
2
SPEAKER_00
on a scale of how vocal we want to be about negative things and problems and calling out problems.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I have a friend who posted something recently.
2
SPEAKER_00
It was so angry.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I texted this person and said, hey, I m just checking in.
2
SPEAKER_00
Are you OK?
2
SPEAKER_00
Good.
2
SPEAKER_00
Because what this person was calling out as a problem and what they were angry about,
3
SPEAKER_02
It didn t demand exactly that kind of response.
3
SPEAKER_02
It was so intense.
3
SPEAKER_02
And they said, yeah, I m fine.
3
SPEAKER_02
And I said, okay, I just, they actually said, I m fine, the rain s, like it was something about the rain.
3
SPEAKER_02
And I said, yeah, no, I mean more about what I just saw.
3
SPEAKER_02
It felt really angry.
3
SPEAKER_02
And then they said they were angry about this thing.
3
SPEAKER_02
And we had a little bit of a back and forth, because I just have such a differing opinion on what to do with your anger.
3
SPEAKER_02
Again, I know it s a scale, like I m not saying one s right or one s wrong and everyone has the power to do whatever they want to do with their opinions and their computer and their phone, but I don t know, it scares me a little bit.
3
SPEAKER_01
There s also a sense that people are channeling valid emotions in the wrong place.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, to me, that s what I m seeing.
3
SPEAKER_01
And obviously, it started, I think, last year.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, what you re feeling, I understand.
3
SPEAKER_01
But you re channeling it on Taylor Swift or this person s social media video that has nothing to do with that.
3
SPEAKER_01
Or you re sort of taking it out on people or in places that I think from an outsider perspective, I m like, what does that accomplish?
3
SPEAKER_01
And it kind of puts us all in the state of hypervigilance because we re all afraid that we re going to meet a person like us.
3
SPEAKER_01
If that s how you re acting online, right?
3
SPEAKER_01
Looking for mistakes or looking for, oh, she didn t look at Celine Dion in the eye.
3
SPEAKER_01
So that means she is a bad person.
3
SPEAKER_01
And we re trying to catch people.
3
SPEAKER_01
And it creates an environment where we re also very aware that it could happen to us.
3
SPEAKER_01
And that kind of explains the vibes just being off.
3
SPEAKER_01
I obviously post a lot.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s how I communicate a lot.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I communicate and I do digital journalism.
3
SPEAKER_01
So it s all very much online.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I have found it very difficult.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like I ve had to
3
SPEAKER_01
just take things down, remove comments.
3
SPEAKER_01
And it makes me sad because it s like, oh, the people who are being super loud and who are being extremely, you know, are taking away kind of the ability for other people to just express themselves, I think, in a way that is healthy or functional.
3
SPEAKER_01
But I think that was a good text because I think that there s a way to check in on your friends when they post stuff.
3
SPEAKER_01
Because it s happened to me where like people post things and I m like,
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t do what you do, which is probably bad, which I just like, it changes how I view them sometimes.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I don t like that.
3
SPEAKER_02
Well, that s what I m trying to prevent.
3
SPEAKER_02
I don t want that to happen.
3
SPEAKER_02
It s not going to because I understand everyone s different.
3
SPEAKER_02
So it s just acknowledging people for who they are.
3
SPEAKER_02
I did feel actually a little guilty after because I didn t pause while agitated.
3
SPEAKER_02
I did it fast.
3
SPEAKER_02
And then I thought, huh, if I had waited, I probably wouldn t have done it.
3
SPEAKER_02
I probably wouldn t have reached out.
3
SPEAKER_02
I just would have sat with
3
SPEAKER_02
Man, we handle things differently, and I guess that s okay.
3
SPEAKER_02
I think my reach out was a bit codependent in some ways, and it was a little bit like, what s going on with you, and I ll be the one to tell you that it s bad, and that now you ll listen and change, which is not true, and that s my issue.
3
SPEAKER_02
And I do think some people on the internet, they have personas on the internet.
3
SPEAKER_02
So it s complex when you see a version of someone, and I mean, everyone s doing a, actually, everyone s doing a version of themselves on the internet.
3
SPEAKER_02
Maybe this person sees me on the internet and thinks, what is that?
3
SPEAKER_02
She s putting pictures of herself up.
3
SPEAKER_02
That s weird, or that s vain, or you know, whatever.
3
SPEAKER_02
So everyone, I guess, everyone is doing it to an extent.
3
SPEAKER_02
I mean, it s like giving some grace, but I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_02
The level of anger is upsetting.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
One thing that helps me to… Especially… Well, I don t know if this is relevant.
3
SPEAKER_01
But even like the whole Taylor Swift thing, right?
3
SPEAKER_01
That s not really about Taylor Swift.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s about you.
3
SPEAKER_02
Well, it s always about you.
3
SPEAKER_02
I mean, that s definitely true.
3
SPEAKER_02
But I wish our better angels would take over.
3
SPEAKER_02
But they don t.
3
SPEAKER_02
And it s upsetting because I feel like I m always advocating for that.
3
SPEAKER_02
And then, Inree, I wonder if it s just like wasted breath.
3
SPEAKER_02
Is it even possible for people to check themselves?
3
SPEAKER_02
Is it a goal even worth pursuing?
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, what s hard is that it gets rewarded.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I think, again, that s where these platforms, just the way that they re set up, reinforce that.
3
SPEAKER_01
I mean, again, this is getting into a whole rabbit hole of a conversation, but like, I ve been seeing also videos where
3
SPEAKER_01
Half of people see one thing, and half of people see another thing.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s like the last Taylor Swift thing.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yes, but like Taylor Swift bringing Lana Del Rey on stage, I m seeing these videos in my feed, and then half of the comments are like, wow, she s so sweet.
3
SPEAKER_01
She s always platforming other artists, and like, what a kind person.
3
SPEAKER_01
And then half of the comments are, what a Pick Me girl.
3
SPEAKER_01
Lana doesn t even want to go on stage.
3
SPEAKER_01
What scares me is that it s like people are seeing two different realities.
3
SPEAKER_02
It s becoming obvious that reality is subjective.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
3
SPEAKER_02
I don t like that.
3
SPEAKER_02
Okay, I m pivoting.
3
SPEAKER_02
I have a question for you.
3
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_02
Now, tell me if we already discussed this on the podcast.
3
SPEAKER_02
I don t think we did, but I want your opinion and I want listeners  opinion, even though I just am like, I m scared.
3
SPEAKER_02
So when you re in a restaurant or a hotel, do you feel that it s okay to take the pen?
3
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
3
SPEAKER_02
Me too.
3
SPEAKER_02
Of course.
3
SPEAKER_02
That s what it s there for.
3
SPEAKER_02
Exactly.
3
SPEAKER_02
Jess is so… Well, and he works at a restaurant.
3
SPEAKER_02
And he s like, that s stealing.
3
SPEAKER_02
Like, it s the worst thing.
3
SPEAKER_02
And I don t think that.
3
SPEAKER_02
I think it comes for free with your food and your hotel bill.
3
SPEAKER_02
Like, don t you get to take the power?
3
SPEAKER_01
If I don t take the pen, I m a loser.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, I ve lost money, girl.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, if I don t take it, it s free.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s mine.
3
SPEAKER_01
And leaving it is- You forgot it.
3
SPEAKER_01
You forgot it if you left it.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yes, 100%.
3
SPEAKER_01
I do think, okay, restaurants is interesting.
3
SPEAKER_01
I think that if the waiter gives you, or the waitress, or the wait, server, the server.
3
SPEAKER_02
God.
3
SPEAKER_02
She said.
3
SPEAKER_02
I don t even look at the comments and I still feel it.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yes, yes, you feel them even though you re not reading them.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s so true.
3
SPEAKER_01
I was a waitress and I would get annoyed when people stole my pen.
3
SPEAKER_01
You would?
3
SPEAKER_01
Because they weren t the restaurant.
3
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I worked at a bar.
3
SPEAKER_01
Maybe it s different.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, it was your personals?
3
SPEAKER_01
It was my personals.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I don t think people knew.
3
SPEAKER_01
Sometimes people just leave with a pen.
3
SPEAKER_01
I know that I ve done that by mistake many times, but people just immediately kind of forget and then put it in their bag.
3
SPEAKER_01
So sometimes when people would borrow pens, I d be like, but give it back to me.
3
SPEAKER_01
But if it s a branded restaurant pen, it s yours.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s different.
3
SPEAKER_02
Hey, if it s like a Bick, Blick, or whatever, then maybe you don t take it because it could be a personal pen to the server.
3
SPEAKER_02
Right.
3
SPEAKER_02
But if it says the name of the restaurant on it, I feel like you re allowed to take it.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, it s the corporation s.
3
SPEAKER_02
That s the thing.
3
SPEAKER_02
So then he was talking about, well, should we call him?
3
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
3
SPEAKER_01
Get his opinion on this?
3
SPEAKER_02
You know, I don t want to speak for him.
3
SPEAKER_02
So did you take the pen and then he was mad?
3
SPEAKER_02
Well, we ve had this big discussion and now it s infiltrated.
3
SPEAKER_02
So I started to take the pen from my hotel and then I thought, am I stealing?
3
SPEAKER_02
No, no.
3
SPEAKER_02
I ll buy it, I guess.
3
SPEAKER_02
You can charge me.
3
SPEAKER_02
Oh man.
3
SPEAKER_02
Oh, he s not picking up.
3
SPEAKER_02
No one picks up when I call.
3
SPEAKER_02
It s a weird time.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s a weird time to be alive.
3
SPEAKER_02
You have reached my mobile.
3
SPEAKER_01
My mobile.
3
SPEAKER_01
People are funny.
3
SPEAKER_01
I know, the answering machines are funny.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t think I have an answering machine.
3
SPEAKER_01
Should I call you and see?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I don t think I have one.
3
SPEAKER_01
I would have known that.
3
SPEAKER_01
How do you make one?
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t even know.
3
SPEAKER_01
I think I have one that s old, but I don t remember.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m trying to remember yours.
3
SPEAKER_01
You always pick up.
3
Oh.
3
Oh.
3
SPEAKER_00
Please leave your message.
3
SPEAKER_00
You don t.
3
SPEAKER_02
I don t.
3
SPEAKER_02
Can you do mine?
3
SPEAKER_02
Can I do your call?
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, yes.
3
SPEAKER_01
Do you?
3
SPEAKER_02
I don t know if I have one.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_01
I think I might have an old one.
3
SPEAKER_01
Maybe you ve reached Monica.
3
SPEAKER_01
Now I m like, maybe you do.
3
SPEAKER_00
Hi, you ve reached Monica Padman.
3
SPEAKER_00
I can t come to the phone right now, so please leave a message and I ll call you back as soon as I can.
3
SPEAKER_00
Thanks.
3
SPEAKER_02
I sound like a chipmunk.
3
SPEAKER_02
Your voice is so cute.
3
SPEAKER_02
Oh my god.
3
SPEAKER_02
It sounds like I made that when I was six.
3
SPEAKER_02
Oh no, I gotta redo that.
3
SPEAKER_01
When did you do it?
3
SPEAKER_02
Like SoulCycle days?
3
SPEAKER_02
I mean, I don t remember doing it, so it must have been so— Do you think we made it when we first got our phone?
3
SPEAKER_01
When you got your phone number, maybe.
3
SPEAKER_01
That sounds like 10 years ago.
3
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
3
SPEAKER_01
Easily.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s so funny how our voices change because you don t notice your voice is changing, obviously.
3
SPEAKER_01
But then you ll hear and you ll be like, oh my God, I sound totally different.
3
SPEAKER_02
And then what s real?
3
SPEAKER_02
Is this real?
3
SPEAKER_02
Is that real?
3
SPEAKER_02
Nothing s real.
3
SPEAKER_01
We ve decided.
3
SPEAKER_02
It all comes back around.
3
SPEAKER_02
Nothing s real.
3
SPEAKER_01
No pens, and also I know certain pens that I need to get.
3
SPEAKER_01
The W Hotel pens.
3
SPEAKER_01
Are great.
3
SPEAKER_01
Are amazing.
3
SPEAKER_01
Do they say it?
3
SPEAKER_01
They re like square.
3
SPEAKER_01
And they re black with like a pink lining.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, that s nice.
3
SPEAKER_01
And they re very smooth.
3
SPEAKER_01
Do you have like a favorite?
3
SPEAKER_01
I have a favorite type of pen.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I feel good to write with.
3
SPEAKER_01
Four Seasons.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, the Four Seasons.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s really nice.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s really nice.
3
SPEAKER_01
You take it.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I take it.
3
SPEAKER_01
Four Seasons will be fine.
3
SPEAKER_02
That s how I feel.
3
SPEAKER_02
That s how I feel.
3
SPEAKER_02
And then is that… Okay, but then…
3
SPEAKER_02
Then we get into a bigger question.
3
SPEAKER_02
Just because a institution or corporation or a person has a lot of money, is it okay to steal from them?
3
SPEAKER_02
I would say no.
4
SPEAKER_00
If I was just asked that question point blank, I would definitely say no.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like, no one s allowed to steal from me just because I have money.
4
SPEAKER_01
But I would argue that corporations are stealing, so we should be allowed to steal.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like, again, like Jeff Bezos.
4
SPEAKER_00
But I don t think people should break into Jeff Bezos  house and steal stuff because he s still a person on— See, this is also similar to the Taylor Swift thing, where there s still people with rights and humanity to then make them into
4
SPEAKER_00
something so big that you feel you have the right to steal from them, I find crazy that we do this.
4
SPEAKER_00
We allow people to be at that level of status where we then make them non-humans.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_00
They didn t make themselves nonhumans.
4
SPEAKER_00
I really want to reiterate that.
4
SPEAKER_00
The rest of us made these people gods.
4
SPEAKER_00
We put them on those pedestals.
4
SPEAKER_00
We decided that money equals power and all.
4
SPEAKER_00
We did that.
4
SPEAKER_00
So we have to take some responsibility for it.
4
SPEAKER_01
Interesting.
4
SPEAKER_00
Do you think being a billionaire is going to be bad for her?
4
SPEAKER_00
Everyone hates billionaires so much.
4
SPEAKER_00
I know.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t hate them.
4
SPEAKER_00
I feel like me and you have talked about this.
4
SPEAKER_00
We ve probably talked about it on here a million times.
4
SPEAKER_00
I think it s a very specific strata
4
SPEAKER_00
of privilege and finance to hate billionaires.
4
SPEAKER_00
If you are extremely poor, you don t hate billionaires.
4
SPEAKER_00
You like billionaires because billionaires give a lot of money away and you want them to give money to you and help.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s some strata above that that has their own money, just not in an exorbitant amount.
4
SPEAKER_00
They re the ones that hate it.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s in itself a position of privilege to be like, billionaires are bad.
4
SPEAKER_00
Well, what about all the fucking money they gave away?
4
SPEAKER_00
Because they have it.
4
SPEAKER_00
I know this is a complex topic.
4
SPEAKER_01
But it s interesting, even I was listening to this podcast earlier, like,
4
SPEAKER_01
not to get into politics, but the demographic basically that like the progressive Democratic Party has won over and that s the loudest is it used to be the working class and it s kind of shifted since the 80s.
4
SPEAKER_01
And now it is this, yeah, sort of higher educated,
4
SPEAKER_01
higher income person that the party is sort of catering to that s like super left on social issues, but more left actually than maybe some of the working class people who were at the base of the party.
4
SPEAKER_01
And yeah, it kind of skews the priorities.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m not going to name issues, but it s a certain luxury to be able to care about a certain issue, social issue, when you don t have to worry about where your next paycheck is coming from, right?
4
SPEAKER_01
Like the things that are occupying your mind are very different.
4
SPEAKER_01
And so I do think we over value middle, high, highly educated coastal elite sort of like opinions.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yes, we do.
4
SPEAKER_01
And generalize them to society at large when it might be actually different.
4
SPEAKER_00
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
All right.
4
SPEAKER_00
So- We ve run the gamut.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Pens, we sing.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
Pens, TBD on whether or not- I can t believe we performed earlier in this episode.
4
SPEAKER_00
I know.
4
SPEAKER_00
We haven t even, we haven t done questions and we re about to do a couple.
4
SPEAKER_00
We haven t even done questions.
4
SPEAKER_00
So much has happened today.
4
SPEAKER_00
So much has happened.
4
Whoa.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh, this is great.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
Should I always give my friend a gift for her birthday, even though I ve never received one from her?
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s from Olivia.
4
SPEAKER_00
Hi, Liz and Monica and Rob.
4
SPEAKER_00
I d love your advice.
4
SPEAKER_00
I ve been friends with a friend of mine for about five years.
4
SPEAKER_00
We re not super close, but we re pretty good friends.
4
SPEAKER_00
We see each other roughly once a month, sometimes a couple months go by without seeing each other.
4
SPEAKER_00
We have fun together, and she s a nice person, but we don t talk every day or anything like that.
4
SPEAKER_00
She s the type of person who likes to celebrate her birthday, like a casual get-together with a small group of friends, usually planned a week or two in advance.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t ever really throw myself a party for my birthday.
4
SPEAKER_00
I might do something with my boyfriend or family, and if a friend wants to go out for lunch, I will, but that s about it.
4
SPEAKER_00
The last couple of years, if I make it out to celebrate her birthday, I get her a small gift.
4
SPEAKER_00
I always debate whether I should be getting her something and how much what I should get.
4
SPEAKER_00
Since the party is often so casual, I wonder if it s expected of me to bring something.
4
SPEAKER_00
I think sometimes other people who come to a party bring something and other people don t.
4
SPEAKER_00
I ve never received a gift from her, but I ve also never invited her to do something for my birthday.
4
SPEAKER_00
Again, just not really my thing.
4
SPEAKER_00
My question is, do I continue to get her a gift for her birthday?
4
SPEAKER_00
Do I only get a gift when I m actually participating in our get together or do I get her a gift always?
4
SPEAKER_00
Do I test things out this year and get her something small and then actually invite her to do something for my birthday?
4
SPEAKER_00
And then if she doesn t get me anything, I have an answer for my years to come.
4
SPEAKER_00
Do I just bring something for the party?
4
SPEAKER_00
Example, drink snack instead of a specific gift.
4
SPEAKER_00
If I do get a gift, what do I give that is small but not completely thoughtless?
4
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
4
SPEAKER_00
I mean, that is my inner monologue.
4
SPEAKER_00
Do you want to get her a gift?
4
SPEAKER_00
That s the main question.
4
SPEAKER_00
Do you want to?
4
SPEAKER_00
It kind of sounds like she doesn t.
4
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I don t know.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t want to speak for her, but I ve become not consistent about this.
4
SPEAKER_00
I used to give everyone a gift for every single thing, and it was very important to me.
4
SPEAKER_00
The older I ve gotten, it s something stands out that I know they ll like.
4
SPEAKER_00
I ll get them a gift.
4
SPEAKER_00
But it s a weird thing at a party if every single person brings a gift, but you don t.
4
SPEAKER_00
It can feel a little odd.
4
SPEAKER_00
But then, OK, what I would do in that case, if I didn t want to get her a gift, and I would see if everyone brought a gift.
4
SPEAKER_00
And if they did, then maybe I would say, hey, I d love to get dinner.
4
SPEAKER_00
or I d love to buy us a bottle of wine or like Postmates a bottle of wine into the party or something like that so that you re contributing, you don t feel bad, but you don t have to like do this whole thoughtful gift.
5
SPEAKER_01
example of, I don t know if I have friends.
5
SPEAKER_01
Well, yeah, I can t think of a person in my life that like, I invite to my birthday, but they don t get invited to mine.
5
SPEAKER_01
Right?
5
SPEAKER_01
Like, that s kind of interesting that she thinks you re close enough to invite to her birthday.
5
SPEAKER_00
I get this though, because sometimes, so we do like girls  dinners for birthdays.
5
SPEAKER_00
And that s also a way, if you know a bunch of friends, you could go in together, which that s a common thing for us.
5
SPEAKER_00
We would all just go in together on a gift.
5
SPEAKER_00
But there have been times where the dinner doesn t happen for some reason, and then the gift kind of doesn t happen.
5
SPEAKER_00
Because the thought is like, oh, OK, we got to get this gift and we re going to bring it to the dinner.
5
SPEAKER_00
And then it kind of like goes by the wayside because the event didn t happen.
5
SPEAKER_00
So I could see how she just never felt like she had the opportunity to reciprocate.
5
SPEAKER_00
Although that s dumb, though, because if you re getting her a present every year and she s never, she can just bring over a present.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
If someone s consistently showing up for you for your birthday, showing up with a gift, and they never— And during COVID, it was complicated for a few years, honestly.
5
SPEAKER_01
It was just like— I feel like birthdays were kind of not normal.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I would, like, send something to my friend.
5
SPEAKER_01
And it doesn t mean, like, a $100 bouquet.
5
SPEAKER_01
Like, it could be, here s some Baskin-Robbins ice cream.
5
SPEAKER_01
Like, I m just— Uber eats it to her house.
5
SPEAKER_01
I think there are tiers of gifts, and to me this is like a candle tier.
5
SPEAKER_00
Bring a candle.
5
SPEAKER_00
So should she still bring a candle every time if she s never getting anything back?
5
SPEAKER_00
No.
5
SPEAKER_01
I think especially if it s— Bothering you.
5
SPEAKER_01
Exactly.
5
SPEAKER_01
Don t do things that you don t want to do because it just will show up in other ways.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s already built a little resentment, I think.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
5
SPEAKER_01
Exactly.
5
SPEAKER_01
And resentment is like a relationship killer, and if this friendship s important to you, you don t want to have that in there.
5
SPEAKER_01
I mean, there s—
5
SPEAKER_01
Can I bring a bottle of wine or can I bake the dessert?
5
SPEAKER_01
Things that you could do like manual labor that s not expensive and not a whole gift.
5
SPEAKER_01
Bring a side dish.
5
SPEAKER_01
There s all kinds of ways to contribute to someone s birthday.
5
SPEAKER_01
And if you re consistently not getting a birthday gift or like a birthday acknowledgement that s commensurate with yours.
5
SPEAKER_00
I think it s really common for us to evaluate what I m giving versus what I m receiving.
5
SPEAKER_00
I think the only way to combat that is to really think, do I want to give this regardless of what I ever get back?
5
SPEAKER_00
You have to give gifts almost with an acceptance that you might never get anything in return.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s right.
5
SPEAKER_00
It has to be that.
5
SPEAKER_00
And yeah, if you don t feel like giving, don t do it.
5
SPEAKER_00
OK, let s do one more.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh, no.
5
SPEAKER_00
OK.
5
SPEAKER_00
What?
5
SPEAKER_00
Also, there s one that s really gonna require a lot of time, so I m saving it, but remind me next week that we need to devote a lot of time to it.
5
SPEAKER_00
Okay, how do I tell a friend her makeup routine needs help?
5
SPEAKER_00
Caroline.
5
SPEAKER_00
So good.
5
SPEAKER_00
Hi, Monica and Liz.
5
SPEAKER_00
One of my best friends is stunningly gorgeous, but the way she does her makeup is so, so awful.
5
SPEAKER_00
I feel like she needs to watch a few basic tutorials on how to do her makeup properly.
5
SPEAKER_00
Her bronzer is smudgy and in wrong places.
5
SPEAKER_00
Her concealer is too light on her, and she also doesn t pluck her brows when she really needs to.
5
SPEAKER_00
She s a super low-maintenance girly and didn t grow up with a super feminine mother or any sister.
5
SPEAKER_00
So I don t blame her for never really learning how to properly do her makeup.
5
SPEAKER_00
First of all, am I a bad friend for wanting to help her out in this way rather than letting her be and do her thing?
5
SPEAKER_00
Or should I say something to her?
5
SPEAKER_00
And if so, how can I help her out?
5
SPEAKER_00
She s very sensitive and has had issues with mean girls in the past, making her feel like her hair and makeup isn t up to par.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh.
5
SPEAKER_01
She has specific issues with this.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I don t want to come off like those girls and make her feel ashamed.
5
SPEAKER_00
What should I do?
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh, God.
5
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_00
My instinct is how often does she bring up the bullies?
5
SPEAKER_00
Because if she was like telling a story about the bullies, then you could say, you know, why don t we go take a makeup class together?
5
SPEAKER_00
So it s not, well, I have some tips or let s watch a couple of videos.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh, okay.
5
SPEAKER_00
She s talking about the bullies and it s like, those girls, fuck those girls.
5
SPEAKER_00
They suck.
5
SPEAKER_00
I recently was on YouTube and I found this really amazing how-to video.
5
SPEAKER_00
Do you want me to send it to you?
5
SPEAKER_00
Just like that, and make it about you yourself have also done this and are passing along some fun information, not you should do this because this is bad and you have to pluck your eyebrows.
5
SPEAKER_00
I don t think you can ever mention the eyebrows.
5
SPEAKER_00
I think the eyebrows can.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s not an area you can go.
5
SPEAKER_01
No, because she s seeing it.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s right there.
5
SPEAKER_01
She doesn t care.
5
SPEAKER_01
And again, you can t care more than she cares.
5
SPEAKER_01
That s right.
5
SPEAKER_01
It might not be important to her.
5
SPEAKER_01
I think the makeup— I ve had a friend— Heather did this where like, she would kind of fix things sometimes for me.
5
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Like, not in a patronizing like— because I relate to this friend because I am distracted often.
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Also, both my sister and my mom literally have never owned makeup.
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I didn t grow up in a household learning how to do it.
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I think I ve gotten a little bit better, but I definitely didn t know the basics until like very recently.
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And still, I think sometimes it ll look good and I don t have great lighting.
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Like I don t have a setup that I think like some women, especially now, I feel like there s a whole, you know, the brushes and the thing and the order to put things in.
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And like, so I m very grateful when I get intel about what we re supposed to be doing.
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And yeah, like Heather, like at one point she was like, oh, I think you just forgot to like blend that in.
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And then I d go back in the bathroom.
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I d be like, oh, I m supposed to do that.
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Right?
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Like, so it was kind of in subtle ways.
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That s a good approach.
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Yes.
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So that it s not this, like, intervention.
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Then you don t have, do you?
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Like, a sensitivity towards— You weren t bullied for having bad make— Or were you?
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I wasn t bullied for— I was bullied, but not for having bad makeup.
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That s really specific.
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It s so specific that makes this very complex.
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Yes.
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You re right.
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You re right.
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I do think, though, if, like,
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If I was at dinner with her and there was a really big demarcation of the bronzer or something, could you just take your finger— Could you just be like, can I blend this in real quick?
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Yes.
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It s almost out of care.
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And it s not a, oh my god, dude.
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It s, oh, I think you just forgot to blend it.
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Here, let me— Do you want help?
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And again, I ve literally had people do this to me.
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Like, not just once.
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And it s helpful, and then it s something that I m more aware of.
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Or just like, oh, let me blend that real quick.
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And just, like, take your thumb and do it.
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And then say, oh, you know what s a great tool to apply foundation?
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Like, it s this, give me your address, I ll send you one.
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And then you just, like— Damn it, she might not know how to use it.
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For me, if I m on the receiving end, because I am very sensitive, I think I would need first, like, oh, I just found the most amazing
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Okay.
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It s so cool.
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I practiced with it yesterday.
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Like, can you tell?
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Make it about you.
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Yes.
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Then if they re like, oh yeah, you can be like, that s $4 on Amazon.
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It s really great.
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But I think once you provide that, if she doesn t do it, then you got to let it go.
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Yeah, you do.
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The other thing that might be good, this happened to me randomly.
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I was with Kat, we were at Sephora and we were looking at this foundation oil, SPF thing, and there was like a person from that brand for some reason that was there.
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So she kind of approached us and she was like, oh, do you want me to check what color you are?
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And I remember being like, oh, I would have just gone with my eyes and kind of like... But then she did the test and whatever her scientific method was, and then we got the right color for us.
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And so maybe going to Sephora could also be a thing because there s kind of an expert there to be... Maybe you could have your birthday party at Sephora.
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Yes.
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All I want for my birthday is a Sephora trip.
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Yay!
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And then everyone goes and then you pick out some things you think would look good on her and say,
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I think this would look so good on you.
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Try it.
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And then let s have someone to make sure that s your right color.
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Yeah.
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You could also, okay, this might be too on the nose, but you could give her, again, I don t know when her birthday is or if there s something fun to celebrate in her life.
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SPEAKER_01
I think you can buy like a consultation.
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
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Okay, it s too on the nose.
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I don t know if it s too on the nose.
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I think it s kind of fun though.
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I would like that.
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Me too.
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I guess this is where things get tricky.
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If she herself isn t saying, ooh, I want that, or oh, let s go to Sephora, or I like,
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Then it s weird.
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Sephora s like one of the movies for all girls who wear makeup.
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We re assuming.
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She obviously doesn t want to be wearing makeup.
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She doesn t like it is what it sounds like.
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And she has this whole history with it.
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So I think she s just trying to do like the most basic thing and then it s a little bit off.
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I m sticking to that you just start talking about your own makeup a little more and the new brush you found or even you say like, oh my God, I looked in the mirror the other day and I realized I didn t blend my makeup and I was so embarrassed and then I bought this tool or whatever.
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Like just talk about it on your own.
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Don t make it about her.
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And then she ll either catch on and ask you questions or say like, oh,
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Yeah, I m so bad at makeup.
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If she says that, that is your opening.
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You re right.
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Golden gate.
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Let s go to Sephora and let s go like learn about what s good on us.
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah, that s good.
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Because also, no one s, you know what I mean?
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Like, we re all, yeah, everyone can improve if you want to.
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And that s interesting to you.
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And you don t have to wear makeup if you don t want to.
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But yeah, that s a good way of like, I want to learn how to do it better.
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SPEAKER_01
Do you want to do it with me?
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But again, if she says no, that s her life.
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It s hard.
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It s hard.
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I ve been in a similar scenario with skincare, actually, with someone in my life.
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They just didn t put any—it was very, like, au naturel and like, yes, whatever.
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But, dude, you want to moisturize.
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Your skin does need moisture.
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And it doesn t mean you need a 13-step skincare routine, but I could tell
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that there was more damage.
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And even just SPF, what I did was just give her when it was time for holiday, birthday, or even randomly, I d be like, I got two by mistake, or I do get stuff, I m lucky.
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So I d be like, oh, I got this one and you should take it.
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You know, it s really good to put it every day.
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And again, I ll be like, I didn t know how important it was.
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And it s only like five years ago when someone told me like, I really needed to do it.
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I didn t realize that I was hurting my skin.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah, see, you made it about you.
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I think that s smart.
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SPEAKER_00
All right, great.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah, good question.
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SPEAKER_00
Very, very good question.
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SPEAKER_00
Okay, well, we have some really awesome ones to come.
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But that s it for today because, you know, we devoted a lot of time to our challenge, and I m glad we did.
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SPEAKER_00
And I am very proud of you.
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SPEAKER_01
I m very proud of you.
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SPEAKER_01
I m so impressed.
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SPEAKER_01
It s so incredible.
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I can t believe you wrote that last night, and I m so excited what more beautiful things you ll write if you spend more time doing it.
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SPEAKER_01
The world needs your writing.
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SPEAKER_01
Thank you.
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SPEAKER_00
And then, you know, we re not going to rule out another challenge in the future, but we re going to take a little time off.
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SPEAKER_01
You know, I ve never had homework.
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SPEAKER_01
Are you going to keep… I did wonder.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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Like one learning from this is that I have, you know, experienced anxiety and I try and think myself out of not being anxious a lot and I have spent a lot of money on therapy and tricks and journaling and I knew that singing and humming basically stimulates your vagus nerve, which literally just is like a natural anxiety suppressor.
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
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And I didn t realize how much like, oh, if I just hum and I sing, I actually sleep better.
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Like if I do it before bed and stuff like that, which again, bad news for my roommate, but great news for me.
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So I actually have really enjoyed it and I want to keep it up.
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SPEAKER_01
I love this.
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SPEAKER_01
Oh man, what fun.
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_01
We re doing activities.
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SPEAKER_01
We are.
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SPEAKER_01
Hot girl hobbies.
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SPEAKER_01
Hot girl hobby.
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SPEAKER_00
Check, check.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
All right.
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SPEAKER_00
Well, thanks for listening and we ll see you next week.
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Bye.
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Bye.