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 Bring a little optimism into your life with The Bright Side, a new kind of daily podcast from Hello Sunshine, hosted by me, Danielle Robay.
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And me, Simone Boyce.
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Every weekday, we're bringing you conversations about culture, the latest trends, inspiration, and so much more.
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I am so excited about this podcast, The Bright Side.
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You guys are giving people a chance to shine a light on their lives, shine a light on a little advice that they want to share.
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 Listen to The Bright Side on America's number one podcast network, iHeart.
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Open your free iHeart app and search The Bright Side.
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A new season of Bridgerton is here.
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And with it, a new season of Bridgerton, the official podcast.
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I'm your host, Gabby Collins.
0
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And this season, we are bringing fans even deeper into the tun.
0
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Watch season three of the Shondaland series on Netflix.
0
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Then fall in love all over again by listening to Bridgerton, the official podcast.
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 on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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Subscribe to catch a new episode every Thursday.
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 Discover a new educational and interactive podcast, Stories for Kids by Lingokids.
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Our episodes are packed with fun activities.
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Right, Elliot?
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Oh, yes.
0
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We went shape hunting around the block, and we found spheres and cubes on the street.
0
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That was great fun.
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Join Stories for Kids, the Lingokids podcast, inspiring you to learn while having fun.
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Listen to Stories for Kids on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
0
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 Hey, everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world, thanks to each and every single one of you who come back every week to listen, learn, and to grow.
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SPEAKER_01
Now, this week, I've been speaking to a lot of you, I've been talking to a lot of my friends, I've been reading comments, and I'm noticing something, that a lot of people are struggling with their mental health at this time, with the pandemic, with the lockdown.
0
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 I know that it's affected so many of us in so many different ways.
0
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And so today, I actually wanted to focus on how we can experience more love and connection during lockdown.
0
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Because whether you are surrounded by lots of people or whether you're living alone,
0
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 we all experience the need for more love and connection.
0
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So this isn't just if you're lonely, this isn't just if you're surrounded with friends, even if you've started reconnecting with a small group of friends, and even if you've started quarantining in a small group and getting together again, this is really, really important because for a lot of people, it's been hard to figure out how to reconnect.
0
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 How many of you are struggling to have just a normal face-to-face conversation?
0
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Maybe you are, maybe you're not.
0
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But it's so important that we learn how to find more love and connection in our lives, especially post-pandemic.
0
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And if you're not listening to this for yourself, remember to listen to it for your friends, your family, who may be feeling this way.
0
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There may be someone in your life that is feeling this way.
0
SPEAKER_01
 So listen to this.
0
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According to researchers at Stanford University, loneliness is the number one reason that people seek therapy today.
0
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The number one reason.
0
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And more and more people are seeking therapy, seeking coaching, and seeking community in their lives.
0
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And listen to this.
0
SPEAKER_01
 Researchers at the University of Arizona recently administered a loneliness survey to more than 1,000 Americans from all 50 states in the US, aged 18 to 35.
0
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Some of you might actually be in that demographic.
0
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61.5% of respondents reported feeling mostly socially isolated.
0
SPEAKER_01
And these feelings of loneliness were significantly higher than in similar surveys that took place before the coronavirus lockdown.
0
SPEAKER_01
 as we can imagine that the lockdown and pandemic brought about that feeling of loneliness and disconnection.
0
SPEAKER_01
Now, some of us are confined with family and wish we could get some alone time.
0
SPEAKER_01
Some of us are craving that alone time.
0
SPEAKER_01
How many of you are raising your hands right now shouting, yes, that's me?
0
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You just want some space and you're like,
0
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 I need some space, right?
0
SPEAKER_01
I need some space.
0
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I can't find space in my own house if you've been surrounded by lots of people.
0
SPEAKER_01
And others are spending most of their time alone and are like, oh, I wish I could be with someone.
0
SPEAKER_01
I know people wanting to go and visit their family.
0
SPEAKER_01
I know me and Radhi, for example, would have loved to have spent more time with our family at this time, but we couldn't go back to London to actually do that.
0
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And I know my wife's missing her parents a lot.
0
SPEAKER_01
 So, today I'm going to talk about the two levels of loneliness and what you can do to feel more connected and fulfilled in your life.
0
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If you're ready right now, I want you to take a screenshot because this is where it gets
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 deep so you can get in with me.
0
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I want you to be able to take notes if you're listening while you're walking your dog, or you're on a jog, or you're running, or you're in the gym, or you're cooking.
0
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Thank you so much again for being here.
0
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Let's dive right in.
0
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Now, in many ways, single people and people who live alone are actually doing better during this time than their married or partnered counterparts.
0
SPEAKER_01
 For some, having a partner or family who they live with provides a social outlet.
0
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But loads of marriages are struggling.
0
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Relationships are struggling.
0
SPEAKER_01
The stress of on and off lockdowns, financial issues, and spending tons of extra time together is actually driving some couples apart.
0
SPEAKER_01
 And if you're in that group, then I definitely want you to stick around.
0
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If you've struggled, and I've had a lot of my friends open up to me and say how much they've struggled during the lockdown with their partner.
0
SPEAKER_01
And me and Radhi definitely did in the beginning too, because we used to be in different countries quite often.
0
SPEAKER_01
We're used to both traveling a lot.
0
SPEAKER_01
I'm used to being out at meetings all day.
0
SPEAKER_01
And we started to realize that we were both inside our apartment.
0
SPEAKER_01
 And we just had to set new barriers.
0
SPEAKER_01
So I remember in the first couple of weeks, we had to set new expectations about who was going to do what when, how we left the living room or the lounge or the workspace, which area was work and which area was social.
0
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We had to do that.
0
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I'm sure you've been through a lot of this as well.
0
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But listen to this.
0
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In China and Hong Kong, according to the BBC, once lockdown restrictions started to lift, the number of people filing for divorce began to skyrocket.
0
SPEAKER_01
 Now some of these who rushed out and filed for divorce later changed their minds, so that's a reminder not to be too hasty in making major decisions during a stressful time.
0
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Sometimes when we are experiencing stress or pressure, we don't make the best decisions for ourselves.
0
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 The best decision is a decision that you felt is true for you for some time, not a decision that you just felt was right for you yesterday.
0
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And that's a great way of knowing whether the decision is right for you.
0
SPEAKER_01
If you felt for a long time that you just need to move.
0
SPEAKER_01
I've been speaking to my friends who live with a lot of family and they've known for some time that they need to move out, that they need to pave their own way.
0
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And the lockdown has made that really clear for them.
0
SPEAKER_01
 And so when they were asking me, like, do you think this is right?
0
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I was like, well, have you felt this way for before the lockdown, right?
0
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Has this been a decision in your life that had some sort of a seed before the lockdown?
0
SPEAKER_01
Because all the lockdown has done is amplify what was already there, right?
0
SPEAKER_01
The lockdown hasn't created new issues.
0
SPEAKER_01
It's amplified issues that may have already existed that we glossed over or didn't notice as much.
0
SPEAKER_01
 So the point is, while we might think that those living alone and singles have it hardest during times of isolations, that's not necessarily true.
0
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And that's not taking away from someone's pain of being alone, but it's also recognizing that there are challenges being surrounded by people.
0
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 So here's something that will surprise a lot of you.
0
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According to Dr. Eliakim Kislev, I hope I'm saying that right, a professor of public policy and government at Hebrew University and the author of Happy Singlehood, The Rising Acceptance and Celebration of Solo Living, the narrative that coupled people have it easier during lockdown could be largely wrong.
0
SPEAKER_01
 In an article in Psychology Today, Kislev writes that many singles have fared well socially during these initial months of isolation.
0
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And that's because while they were isolated physically, they were not isolated mentally.
0
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And those are the two levels of loneliness we're going to talk about today.
0
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Loneliness caused by physical distance,
0
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 and loneliness caused by mental and emotional distance.
0
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And I'm going to give you strategies and tactics for how to address both so that you can feel more connection in your life.
0
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A minute ago I told you that loneliness is the number one reason people cite for seeking therapy today, right?
0
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Like I just mentioned that to you.
0
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But guess what?
0
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This isn't a new phenomenon.
0
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 That statistic has been true for years.
0
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In many ways, I think of the virus as that great amplifier.
0
SPEAKER_01
If you have underlying problems in your relationships, the lockdown and other stresses are amplifying and magnifying them.
0
SPEAKER_01
If you were feeling lonely before, you're probably feeling even more lonely now.
0
SPEAKER_01
 Or maybe you weren't feeling lonely before, you weren't aware of feeling a lack of connection because you were so busy with your job and all of the activities you had going on.
0
SPEAKER_01
But now that those things are cancelled, or postponed, or you've been laid off work, or are just physically isolated more, so you're realizing that you feel socially disconnected.
0
SPEAKER_01
Loneliness doesn't just feel bad, it creates real problems.
0
SPEAKER_01
 Dr. Vivek Murthy, former Surgeon General of the US in 2017, wrote this,
0
SPEAKER_01
 Murthy went on to write that impact of loneliness on health was similar, listen to this, wait for it, to if you smoked 15 cigarettes a day.
0
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How crazy is this that the former Surgeon General of the US in 2017 said that during my years caring for patients the most common pathology I saw was not heart disease or diabetes but loneliness.
0
SPEAKER_01
 The impact of loneliness on health was similar to if you smoked 15 cigarettes a day.
0
SPEAKER_01
Conversely, according to Emma Seppala, the Associate Director for Stanford University's Center for Compassion and Altruism Research, the opposite is also true.
0
SPEAKER_01
If you feel you have strong connections in your life, you have 50% greater chance of living longer.
0
SPEAKER_01
 It's about how you feel about what's in your life.
0
SPEAKER_01
It's not necessarily about who's in your life or how many people are in your life.
0
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It's about how you feel about the people that are there.
0
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It's about how you feel connected to them.
0
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 Right?
0
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So sometimes we start thinking about like, you know, is it because I don't have enough people in my life?
0
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Is it because I need more people in my life?
0
SPEAKER_01
It's actually not that, it's how we feel about the people that currently exist in our life.
0
SPEAKER_01
How do you personally feel about your closest friend?
0
SPEAKER_01
If you had to ask yourself, who's my closest friend, what would the answer be?
0
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Right?
0
SPEAKER_01
When you think about how you feel about that role that person plays, whoever they are, that's going to be the one that makes the big difference.
0
SPEAKER_02
 When you find that bright spot to help you get through your day, it's powerful.
0
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That's where The Bright Side comes in.
0
SPEAKER_09
A new daily podcast from Hello Sunshine that's bringing you a daily dose of joy.
0
SPEAKER_09
I'm Danielle Robay.
0
SPEAKER_09
And I'm Simone Boyce.
0
SPEAKER_02
Listen, both Danielle and I are reporters.
0
SPEAKER_02
We've covered the news and we know the world can feel heavy, but The Bright Side podcast is a space to have a little fun, to learn something new and get into some friendly debates.
0
SPEAKER_09
 That's right.
0
SPEAKER_09
Join us five days a week to see how life can look from the bright side.
0
SPEAKER_09
We'll hear from celebrities, authors, experts and listeners like you, whether it's relationships, friend advice or figuring out how to navigate life's transitions.
0
SPEAKER_02
We'll talk through it all together.
0
SPEAKER_09
Listen to the bright side from Hello Sunshine every weekday on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
0
SPEAKER_03
 Parents, ready to discover a new educational and interactive podcast for kids?
0
SPEAKER_03
Join Stories for Kids by Lingokids, where episodes are packed with fun activities.
0
SPEAKER_03
Right, Elliot?
0
SPEAKER_04
Oh, yes!
0
SPEAKER_04
We learned how to recycle at the beach.
0
SPEAKER_04
 That was great fun!
0
SPEAKER_04
Cowie, what do you say?
0
SPEAKER_04
It was!
0
SPEAKER_04
And that time when we did the science experiments and Billy made raisins dance!
0
SPEAKER_04
That is so cool, Billy!
0
SPEAKER_03
He did!
0
SPEAKER_03
Not to mention when a certain Elliot took up swimming classes with Lisa.
0
SPEAKER_04
That was me!
0
SPEAKER_03
Bet you can't catch me!
0
SPEAKER_03
I'm going to get you!
0
SPEAKER_03
 All this fun and more in our Stories for Kids.
0
SPEAKER_03
Lingo Kids' Stories for Kids is now available on Story Button, the kid-friendly device for screenless podcast listening.
0
SPEAKER_03
Listen to Stories for Kids on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
0
SPEAKER_07
 A new season of Bridgerton is here.
0
SPEAKER_07
And with it, a new season of Bridgerton, the official podcast.
0
SPEAKER_07
I'm your host, Gabrielle Collins.
0
SPEAKER_07
And this season, we are bringing fans even deeper into the ton.
0
SPEAKER_07
Colin Bridgerton has returned from his travels abroad.
0
SPEAKER_07
Is Betrothal written in the stars for the eligible bachelor?
0
SPEAKER_07
 Meanwhile, the ton is reverberating with speculation of who holds Lady Whistledown's pen.
0
SPEAKER_07
We're discussing it all.
0
SPEAKER_07
I sit down with Nicola Coughlin, Luke Newton, Shonda Rhimes, and more to offer an exclusive peek behind the scenes of each episode of the new season.
0
SPEAKER_07
 Watch season three of the Shondaland series on Netflix.
0
SPEAKER_07
Then fall in love all over again by listening to Bridgerton, the official podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
0
SPEAKER_07
Subscribe to catch a new episode every Thursday.
0
SPEAKER_01
 So let's look at the definition of what it feels to feel connected.
0
SPEAKER_01
UC Berkeley's Greater Good magazine describes social connectedness as the feeling that you belong to a group and generally feel close to other people.
0
SPEAKER_01
Many researchers say that social connectedness is a core psychological need for us to feel fulfilled and happy.
0
SPEAKER_01
 Yet according to data from YouGov, 30% of millennials report always or often feeling lonely.
0
SPEAKER_01
That's 10% more than Gen X and 15% more than baby boomers.
0
SPEAKER_01
27% of millennials say they have no close friends.
0
SPEAKER_01
 Friends, that's a lot of people.
0
SPEAKER_01
Now, if you fall into that category and you're listening right now, you're not considered a loser, right?
0
SPEAKER_01
Like I think that's the issue that we've built up around having no friends, that we also view
0
SPEAKER_01
 not having lots of friends as a weakness, as opposed to just realizing that it takes time to build trusted relationships.
0
SPEAKER_01
It takes time to be friends with people that are good people.
0
SPEAKER_01
It's not something where you just want to be surrounded by lots of fake friends.
0
SPEAKER_01
Who wants fake friends, right?
0
SPEAKER_01
No one wants that.
0
SPEAKER_01
 So by now you're probably thinking, I get it Jay, loneliness is bad for me, but how do I stop feeling it?
0
SPEAKER_01
So let's get down to the real strategies for erasing loneliness and feeling more connection in your life.
0
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Let's start by addressing loneliness caused by physical distance.
0
SPEAKER_01
That's level one of loneliness.
0
SPEAKER_01
You want to connect with others, but you can't because of physical restrictions and guidelines or fear that you will become sick or ill.
0
SPEAKER_01
You feel physical loneliness.
0
SPEAKER_01
 You either have people in your life you're close to but you feel disconnected from right now because you can't get together with them in person, or maybe you have friends and family you're connected with but you want romance and it's hard to meet someone in lockdown.
0
SPEAKER_01
When it comes to ways to connect with loved ones during lockdown, lots of newspapers and media sites have been offering suggestions, so I'm not going to spend time recounting all of them.
0
SPEAKER_01
Lots of us have been having Zoom dance parties and game nights and watching movies or whatever it is.
0
SPEAKER_01
 But what if you're one of those people who, because of all the distractions at work and how busy you were before lockdown, you didn't realize how much you're lacking in social connection.
0
SPEAKER_01
And you just haven't met those friends yet or that partner you deeply connect with.
0
SPEAKER_01
And now with all these restrictions, you feel like that's going to be impossible.
0
SPEAKER_01
All around the world, people are feeling similarly.
0
SPEAKER_01
And as a result, they're coming up with some pretty creative ways to connect.
0
SPEAKER_01
 Now, this was a story that I love and I can't wait to share with you.
0
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When Jeremy Cohen, a resident of Brooklyn, New York, went out onto his roof deck, he saw a strange sight.
0
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Although maybe not that strange for New York.
0
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Anyway, Jeremy went out onto his deck.
0
SPEAKER_01
As he looked across the way on the roof of another building, he saw a woman dancing, probably doing a TikTok or something like that, right?
0
SPEAKER_01
 Now, even though she was far enough away that he couldn't see the details of what she looked like, something about the woman appealed to him, right?
0
SPEAKER_01
As Jeremy told CBS News, I saw a shining bright light.
0
SPEAKER_01
She was happiness in a dark time.
0
SPEAKER_01
Now, I don't know who will fall for that line, right?
0
SPEAKER_01
It's a great line.
0
SPEAKER_01
Jeremy knew he had to do something to try and meet this woman, but how?
0
SPEAKER_01
And this was right at the beginning of lockdown.
0
SPEAKER_01
 Everything was locked down.
0
SPEAKER_01
He went back out onto his deck, and as luck would have it, the woman looked over at him.
0
SPEAKER_01
He smiled and waved.
0
SPEAKER_01
She returned the smile and waved back.
0
SPEAKER_01
But still, what to do from there?
0
SPEAKER_01
Even in a city where shouting is a popular form of communication, she was too far away for Jeremy to yell at her.
0
SPEAKER_01
 That's where his creativity kicked in.
0
SPEAKER_01
Jeremy wrote his number on a piece of paper, attached it to a drone that he happened to have, and then flew it over to her.
0
SPEAKER_01
A short time later, the woman, Tori Signorella, texted him and they started talking and he asked her out to dinner, literally.
0
SPEAKER_01
 Because of the lockdown, they couldn't eat together in the way that people normally do.
0
SPEAKER_01
Instead, they each set up a small table, Jeremy on his deck, and Tori on her roof, set it with the white linen, got some wine, and set up a FaceTime where they shared a virtual toast.
0
SPEAKER_01
 Now, I know what you're thinking, what about a second date?
0
SPEAKER_01
How do you top that?
0
SPEAKER_01
Now, if that first date wasn't creative enough, for the next date, Jeremy did some shopping.
0
SPEAKER_01
He bought, now I'm not making this up, I swear to you, he bought a giant inflatable bubble on eBay and he got inside it and they went for a walk together.
0
SPEAKER_01
Picture it, she's walking along like normal and there's this guy walking or sort of rolling walking alongside her in this big bubble.
0
SPEAKER_01
 but it seems to be working out so far.
0
SPEAKER_01
I mean, we can be reasonably certain.
0
SPEAKER_01
Tory has probably never had a guy go to those lengths to date her before.
0
SPEAKER_01
I know I'd be impressed if anyone did that for me too.
0
SPEAKER_01
So the good news is you don't have to go to those extremes to figure out how to make meaningful connections during this time.
0
SPEAKER_01
 Lots of us, especially when it comes to romantic relationships, are continuing to lean on dating apps.
0
SPEAKER_01
During the lockdowns, use of online dating apps has skyrocketed.
0
SPEAKER_01
According to the Economic Times, Tinder saw an all-time usage high on March 29th, with more than 3 billion swipes around the world.
0
SPEAKER_01
And during a two-week period in March, Bumble experienced a 26% increase in usage.
0
SPEAKER_01
 FilterOff is a relatively new app, which launched just before the virus.
0
SPEAKER_01
Developer Zach says he had only a few thousand users enrolled in the video speed dating app, which suggests matches for three-minute video dates before COVID struck.
0
SPEAKER_01
Then, in just under a month, he experienced a 7,000% increase in user sign-up.
0
SPEAKER_01
 Many people speculate that this phenomenon of video predates may continue after COVID.
0
SPEAKER_01
But according to Reuters, a representative from Bumble in the UK said that 55% of users surveyed said that they would continue to use video predates to get to know potentials before agreeing to meet in person.
0
SPEAKER_01
 That's a good thing, right?
0
SPEAKER_01
I'm actually really happy to hear that because the more we're doing video dates where people aren't just swiping or aren't just texting or aren't just ghosting, if we're actually having FaceTime calls, we're actually talking to each other and communicating, that's actually going to give us a better sign of whether someone's right for us and whether we feel connected to them.
0
SPEAKER_01
 In the US, restrictions vary by state and are changing daily, so an in-person date might be on one minute and off the next based on current guidelines.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yet Australians seem to have found a method that works.
0
SPEAKER_01
According to The Guardian, in Australia, flirting from 1.5 meters apart across the supermarket aisle is now the new norm.
0
SPEAKER_01
 Ozzy Jordan Smith told The Guardian, everyone still needs to go to the grocery store and a cold supermarket in Corona times is the new place to date.
0
SPEAKER_01
I've decided, right?
0
SPEAKER_01
This is what Ozzy Jordan Smith told us.
0
SPEAKER_01
I've decided, this is what he's saying, you learn about people's food choices.
0
SPEAKER_01
Are they choosing three-ply or two-ply?
0
SPEAKER_01
It's a whole new level of intimacy.
0
SPEAKER_01
 For friendships, there's an app called Quarantine Chat, which connects strangers in quarantine zones around the world for phone chats to combat loneliness.
0
SPEAKER_01
Quarantine Chat was created by artists Daniel Baskin and Max Hawkins, friends who have stayed in touch for years through the strategy of random calls.
0
SPEAKER_01
 So those are some ways people are dealing with loneliness caused by physical distance and finding ways to meet new people.
0
SPEAKER_01
Now, what about if you already have lots of friends and you're in touch with your family, but you still feel disconnected?
0
SPEAKER_01
In a study of 20,000 adults, 54% said they don't know one person who knows them well.
0
SPEAKER_01
 In a study of 20,000 adults, 54% said they don't know one person who knows them well.
0
SPEAKER_01
Loneliness is not necessarily being alone.
0
SPEAKER_01
It's the feeling that no one loves you.
0
SPEAKER_01
That is the deepest level of loneliness.
0
SPEAKER_01
 So, and there's a beautiful statement by Robin Williams on this, I believe.
0
SPEAKER_01
I'm just going to find it for you, actually.
0
SPEAKER_01
Let me just bring it up here.
0
SPEAKER_01
I'm just reading this out loud.
0
SPEAKER_01
I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone.
0
SPEAKER_01
He said it's not.
0
SPEAKER_01
The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone.
0
SPEAKER_01
Now, when you hear that, it just breaks your heart because we can identify.
0
SPEAKER_01
And of course, we all loved Robin Williams as well, but
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 That's somewhat, I guess, how he felt.
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So if level one is loneliness caused by physical distance, level two, that deeper level, is loneliness that is mental and emotional in origin.
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That means that no matter who is in our lives, or even if they're in close physical proximity, we still feel that we lack worth and value, or that no one understands us.
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Going out and meeting more people on its own isn't going to help that.
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But I'm going to give you three strategies that will.
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 For a lot of us, that feeling of loneliness is coming from a lack of connection with ourselves.
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That is the very deepest level of loneliness.
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When we're physically isolated, when we lose our distractions, part of the anxiety and discomfort we often feel has to do with discovering that we're living with a stranger, ourselves.
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We discover how little we know about ourselves, how disconnected we feel from our own deepest motivations and desires.
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And that can leave us feeling incredibly lonely.
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 So, that's strategy number one for curing loneliness caused by mental and emotional distance.
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Get to know yourself better.
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It can be even as simple as sitting down with a notepad, pen, or a tablet, or your iPhone, and making two lists.
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Down one column is, I like, and down the other column is, I don't like.
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Again, that sounds really simple, and it is.
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That's the point.
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 Allow yourself to write down or to type what comes to mind without censoring it.
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You might be surprised where it leads you.
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Maybe some of the things and people you think you like or think are healthy for you, they really aren't.
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Maybe you'll find a secret passion or hobby you've been busy to connect with.
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 Like, you write down, I like drawing, and you never draw, and you realize that's something you'd like to do more of.
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So you buy a sketch pad and some pencils, or you sign up for an online art class, and there you happen to meet someone who also likes to draw.
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But even if you don't meet other people,
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 Even if you just enjoy this new hobby, you will find something surprising.
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You will find that even if you're just doing this thing by yourself, even if you're just making time every day or every week or every month to sit down alone with your sketchpad,
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 you will feel less lonely, because you'll be connecting with something you truly desire to do.
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You'll be engaging with something truly meaningful to you, right?
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And we've all experienced that before.
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So that's strategy number one, get to know yourself better.
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Sit down and make a list of your likes and dislikes, and that includes things or people you want to release from your life, or at least spend less time and energy on.
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 And I'll add a note here, it's not helpful to turn your dislikes into a rant about some other person.
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This is about you and uncovering the things that feel desirable and healthy in your life and what feels undesirable and unhealthy.
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 When the Taliban banned music in Afghanistan, millions were plunged into silence.
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Radios were smashed.
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Cassettes burned.
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You could be beaten or jailed or killed for breaking the rules.
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And yet, Afghans did it anyway.
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This is the story of how a group of people brought music back to Afghanistan by creating their own version of American Idol.
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 The danger they endured.
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They said my head should be cut off.
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The joy they brought to the nation.
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You're free completely.
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No one is there to destroy you.
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I'm John Legend.
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Listen to Afghan Star on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
0
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 Guess what, Mango?
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What's that, Will?
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So iHeart is giving us a whole minute to promote our podcast, Part-Time Genius.
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I know, that's why I spent my whole week composing a haiku for the occasion.
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It's about my emotional journey in podcasting over the last seven years, and it's called Earthquake House.
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Mango, I'm going to cut you off right there.
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Why don't we just tell people about our show instead?
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Yeah, that's a better idea.
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So every week on Part-Time Genius, we feed our curiosity by answering the world's most important questions.
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Things like, when did America start dialing 911?
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 is William Shatner's best acting work in Esperanto.
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Also, what happened to Esperanto?
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Plus, we cover questions like how Chinese is your Chinese food?
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How do dollar stores stay in business?
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And of course, is there an Illuminati of cheese?
0
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There absolutely is.
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And we are risking our lives by talking about it.
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But if you love mind blowing facts, incredible history and really bad jokes, make your brains happy and tune in to Part Time Genius.
0
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Listen to Part Time Genius on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.
0
SPEAKER_08
 Hey everyone, this is Molly and Matt and we're the hosts of Grown Up Stuff How to Adult, a podcast from Ruby Studio and iHeart Podcasts.
0
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It's a show dedicated to helping you figure out the trickiest parts of adulting.
0
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Like how to start planning for retirement, creating a healthy skincare routine, understanding when and how much to tip someone and so much more.
0
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We're back with season two of the podcast, which means more opportunities to glow up and become a more
1
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 responsible and better adult one life lesson at a time.
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And let me just tell you, this show is just as much for us as it is for you.
1
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So let's figure this stuff out together.
1
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This season, we're going to talk about whether or not we're financially and emotionally ready for dog ownership.
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 We're going to figure out the benefits of a high yield savings account.
1
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And what exactly are the duties of being a member of the wedding party?
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All that plus so much more.
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Let's learn about all of it and then some.
1
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Listen to Grown Up Stuff How to Adult on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
1
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 Strategy two has to deal with noticing how you connect with other people, including the people who are currently in your life.
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Are you vulnerable with people?
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Are you going deep?
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Or do your conversations boil down to sharing bitmojis and memes?
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Are you keeping things on the surface and then wondering why you don't have deep relationships where you feel seen and understood?
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I had a client a while back who told me, Jay,
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 I feel like all of my friendships are superficial.
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I know that's the stereotype of guys, that we can't talk about deep thoughts and feelings, but I actually want to connect with my friends in a real way, yet all we seem to talk about is sports, work, and TV shows, and the weather.
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When I asked him if he was being that person with his friends that he wants to be with him, is he sharing his feelings?
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Is he taking emotional risks with them by being vulnerable?
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Is he bringing up topics with some depth to them?
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 He realized he wasn't, right?
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I advised him to pick one or two close friends who he trusts and to try that, to try being vulnerable.
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And he was shocked.
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Once he leaned into those friendships by taking them to a deeper level, they responded as well.
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And now he feels like those friends really do see him and value him for who he is.
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 The same can be true with family members.
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Maybe you complain that your brother or aunt never checks in with you, but do you check in with them?
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Are you showing them the kind of relationship you want to have with them?
1
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The real problem isn't lockdown, it's lock up.
1
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We feel like the issue is that we can't open up our doors to one another, but the real problem is that we can't open our hearts to one another, or sometimes even ourselves.
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 Sometimes that's because we think we need to be someone else.
1
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We need to be wealthier, to look different, thinner, more attractive, or to be more successful.
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But that's just not true.
1
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If you want to have deep, meaningful relationships, connect with the people from where you are right now.
1
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 Related to this is something that Dr. Joe Dispenza said when he was on the show.
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And if you missed that, it was a great episode.
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You should check it out.
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It was episode number 140, 140.
1
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So when I was talking to Dr. Joe Dispenza, he said that something we tend to do when we meet people is to sort of bond over hurts.
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And Carolyn Mace says something similar, that we often become wound buddies with people.
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We bond in victim space or over things we dislike.
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 As Dr. Dispenza says, it's like, oh, that person hurt you, they hurt me too.
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But that's a very low vibrational space to bond in.
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And it can be challenging to take those relationships that start in this negative or wound space and move them to a healthy, vibrant space.
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 How many of you have experienced that?
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Maybe you became really close to someone through a tough time.
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Maybe you were in a class together and you really disliked the teacher or the professor.
1
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They were tough.
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The class was tough and you couldn't seem to get anything right.
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And you and a fellow student became friends and bonded over your dislike over the professor and the class.
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But as life went on, you started moving on to bigger and better places and more positive mental states.
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 that friendship kind of felt like it kept pulling you back down.
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Maybe you always felt bad after talking to that person, or they always seemed so negative when you were trying to be positive.
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When we bond in our wounds, it's often difficult to transition those relationships to a healthier space.
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So that's strategy number two.
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Notice what you're putting out there, because if you're staying superficial, you may just be getting back what you're giving out.
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Instead, show people what kind of relationship you would like to have with them.
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 Now, you probably don't want to go all in and tell someone your new deeper secrets.
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That might be a bit too much too fast, but be thoughtful about it.
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It's like dipping your toe into the water to take its temperature.
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And notice too, if you're bonding in a negative space, because it's probably going to be hard to transition that relationship to a positive one.
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Strategy number three for resolving mental and emotional distance and feeling more connected is to hold out.
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 I don't know what you're thinking.
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Jay, you just told me to be more vulnerable, to give more.
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And I know, but this goes along with that.
1
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Listen, I have a friend who's on the dating scene right now, and she's doing social distancing dating, so no physical contact.
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And she told me, Jay, it's the weirdest thing.
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Now that physical contact is off the table, it's actually a relief.
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Like I'm getting to know people far better than I was before.
1
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 It's almost like dating has returned to the 1900s rules, right?
1
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Only without the chaperone, obviously.
1
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Just for fun, I googled dating in the 1900s, and some hilarious photos came up.
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People sitting in full suits and big puffy dresses on picnic blankets, eating grapes.
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I mean, it sounds like something I also saw on Instagram.
1
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In one, a man with a big handlebar mustache is giving a woman a very chased peck on the cheek, and she has sort of a scandalized look on her face.
1
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 You know, it's kind of the type of dating your parents wish you did, especially as a teen or 20-something.
1
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So I know for some of you, handlebar mustaches are actually back in style.
1
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But what my friend said made me think, wouldn't it be cool if courtship was back in style?
1
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And by courtship, I mean slowing things down.
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 really getting to know each other before jumping in with lots of physical contact.
1
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I think that might actually be one of the gifts of this time that, if we're following regulations anyway, we're forced to slow things down a bit.
1
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When we bring physicality into a relationship quickly, the broader intimacy we have been building can take a back seat to the physical acts and intimacy.
1
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 And that can actually decrease our chances of a successful relationship in the long term.
1
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We can become quickly distracted by the physical and not see all of who a person is.
1
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So, look in the bright side of not having immediate physical contact.
1
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Get to know one another better.
1
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It seems old-fashioned, I know, but not everything that's old-fashioned is bad.
1
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Intimacy isn't just physical, and it isn't only romantic.
1
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 For friendships, it's like what I said before, don't put everything out on the table up front.
1
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Enjoy the process of getting to know one another.
1
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Or for family, enjoy the process of getting to know new things about one another.
1
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Those are three strategies to overcoming mental and emotional distance and loneliness and creating deeper, more meaningful connections.
1
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Number one, get to know yourself better.
1
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If you don't feel connected to yourself, some part of you will always feel lonely, no matter how many friends you have.
1
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 Strategy number two is notice what you're putting out there.
1
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Are you being superficial or are you willing to go deep with your friends or a potential partner?
1
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Really, really think about that.
1
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And number three is to hold out.
1
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Slow down when you meet people.
1
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Really take the time to get to know them, to invest, to develop a meaningful relationship.
1
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Otherwise, it might just stay superficial or fizzle out entirely.
1
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 Right?
1
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As Emma Seppala from Stanford says, the beautiful part about social connection is that it doesn't really matter the number of friends we feel connected to.
1
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We can feel meaningful connection in our lives with just one other person or even just ourselves.
1
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The feeling is subjective.
1
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As Seppala says in her TED talk, we don't have control over our external environment.
1
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We can't always change how many friends we have.
1
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We can't always change how successful we are, how attractive we are.
1
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 But one thing we do have control over is our internal state.
1
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I hope you enjoyed today's podcast.
1
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Share the insight, the strategy that helped you the most, the one you're going to try out.
1
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Tag me on Instagram at Jay Shetty.
1
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Please, if you can do this, leave a review on the podcast app.
1
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It means the world to me.
1
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If you leave a review, tell me what you love about the podcast.
1
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I can't wait to be back with you again next week.
1
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Thank you for listening.
1
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Take care.
1
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I'll see you soon.
1
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 This is the story of how a group of people brought music back to Afghanistan by creating their own version of American Idol.
1
SPEAKER_01
The joy they brought to the nation.
1
SPEAKER_01
You're free completely.
1
SPEAKER_01
No one is there to destroy you.
1
SPEAKER_01
The danger they endured.
1
SPEAKER_04
They said my head should be cut off.
1
SPEAKER_01
I'm John Legend.
1
SPEAKER_01
Listen to Afghan Star on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
1
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 Guess what, Will?
1
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What's up, Mango?
1
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I've been trying to write a promo for our podcast, Part-Time Genius, but even though we've done over 250 episodes, we don't really talk about murders or cults.
1
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I mean, we did just cover the Illuminati of cheese, so I feel like that makes us pretty edgy.
1
SPEAKER_03
We also solve mysteries like how Chinese is your Chinese food and how do dollar stores make money?
1
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And then, of course, can you game a dog show?
1
SPEAKER_03
So what you're saying is everyone should be listening.
1
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Listen to Part-Time Genius on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.
1
SPEAKER_00
 Hey everyone, this is Molly and Matt and we're the hosts of Grown Up Stuff How to Adult, a podcast from Ruby Studio and iHeart Podcasts.
1
SPEAKER_02
It's a show dedicated to helping you figure out the trickiest parts of adulting.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like how to start planning for retirement, creating a healthy skincare routine, understanding when and how much to tip someone, and so much more.
1
SPEAKER_02
Let's learn about all of it and then some.
1
SPEAKER_02
Listen to Grown Up Stuff How to Adult on America's number one podcast network, iHeart.
1
SPEAKER_02
Open your free iHeart app and search Grown Up Stuff.