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 on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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Subscribe to catch a new episode every Thursday.
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When the Taliban banned music in Afghanistan, millions were plunged into silence.
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Radios were smashed, cassettes burned.
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You could be beaten or jailed or killed for breaking the rules.
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And yet, Afghans did it anyway.
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 This is the story of how a group of people brought music back to Afghanistan by creating their own version of American Idol.
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The danger they endured.
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They said my head should be cut off.
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The joy they brought to the nation.
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You're free completely.
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No one is there to destroy you.
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 I'm John Legend.
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Listen to Afghan Star on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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 This is amazing stuff.
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I want everyone who's listening and watching right now to do what Lewis is saying right now.
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I literally want you to get out a piece of pen and paper.
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If you're not, then take a screenshot of where we are right now.
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Come back to this later on and do this because what he's saying is so powerful.
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Literally, it's so profound.
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I love the fact that you've just consistently challenged and challenged and challenged.
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 And it just starts with writing down your fears and finding one thing you can do for 30 days, 60 days, 90 days, whatever it is for you.
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And just doing that one thing every day.
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And it's doing it's acting.
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It's not just thinking about it.
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And so those are your next book is going to be act like a monk and it's going to be the actions you need to take.
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But what would you say is your, over the last three years, what were the biggest fears you had?
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 that you had to conquer, and what's the biggest fear you have right now that you haven't conquered yet?
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I think that the first thing that came to mind was after my first video went viral.
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Yeah.
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So.
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It had a million views.
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So yeah, the first one got a million views in like seven days.
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The second one got like a million views in 24 hours, and then ended up getting like a total of 160 million views across pages.
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This was when the HuffPost was sharing it.
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Yeah, it was 2017, 2016?
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2016, mid-2016.
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 And my first fear became, I don't want to make any more videos.
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What?
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Because I was scared that they wouldn't do as well.
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Oh my gosh.
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And this is the crazy thing of the fear of, see, when you're starting, your fear is a failure.
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And then when you kind of have a breakthrough, your fear becomes of success.
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It is.
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I mean, it's like, who said this?
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I think Liz Gilbert says something like,
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 Well, I'm never going to be as successful as my last book that sold like 10 million copies and eat, pray, love.
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And it's like, how do you live life knowing that you may never, hopefully you keep creating stuff, but, but that didn't happen with you.
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You've been making videos that have got 300 million views and beyond.
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Right?
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Yeah.
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So that was the first fear I had to overcome was like the fear before that was, well, who's going to care.
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Yeah.
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 So that was the biggest fear before starting, but you talked a lot about that.
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So I see the opposite end of the fear of you've had your little breakthrough, you've got a little taste or a glimpse of people now caring.
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And now you're like, well, what if they don't care the next time?
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So did that cripple you from wanting to create more or less?
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I made less.
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I think at that time I was making one video per month because I was so scared.
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When I met you at Nasdaq, were you still only doing one a month?
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 At that time I had just started getting more.
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One every two weeks.
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Yeah, probably.
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Yeah.
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It wasn't, I wasn't.
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When I met you, when I, after that, I was like, you need to be doing three a week.
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I was like, you need to go hard, like all in on this.
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Cause you were like, yeah, maybe I'll start a podcast and write a book.
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Then I go wait and go all in on video right now.
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Tunnel vision on just how can I, this was your gift.
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Yeah.
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 And I think people get distracted too early where it's like, okay, this is my gift.
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It's working.
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And then we do this, this and this, cause it's cool.
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But you went all in and you, you freaking crushed.
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Yeah.
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So that was, that was one of the fears.
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Uh, the other fear was, you know, when we were in New York and we've talked about this before, me and Radhi had moved there six months ago.
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I decided that I had to venture out into creating my own thing.
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 And I was four months away from being broke.
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We had four months left to play rent and groceries.
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That's it.
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That's literally what we had left.
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And you were like, okay, I'm going to go leave HuffPo or be part time and then go create more, which takes money, time and energy.
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 Yeah.
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And, and I realized that I had to make that journey to start building and creating because I wanted to create stuff that I really wanted to create and put out.
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But at the same time that came with the risk of, Hey, we just got married a year ago.
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We moved here six months ago.
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I know no one in New York, no one really knows me.
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And now I'm trying to create something from scratch in a city where I was full of unknowns.
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Right.
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 So that fear came out, the only solution to that fear was literally I woke up the next day and I emailed, just like you did kind of with the girls at that time, but I emailed every person.
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You emailed a bunch of girls?
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No, no.
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Can you imagine?
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 I emailed every person I'd ever had any interaction with that may need a video.
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And I said, I will edit your videos.
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I will shoot your videos.
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I will create videos for you.
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And so I just started creating content.
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Full on hustle scrappy mode.
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Literally, just to survive.
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Yeah.
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 Just to survive.
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What happened when, after like a week of sending those out, what happened?
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I was getting a few people emailing back and I realized that it was all a game of odds that I got back as much as I put in.
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So if I sent a hundred emails, I got 10 responses.
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If I sent a thousand emails, I was getting a hundred responses.
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And I was literally trying to find any way through to like seeing people who'd retweeted me on Twitter and reaching out to them and.
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Smart.
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 Like just any DM, Hey, do you need some video work?
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Like just looking at someone's job title and LinkedIn and going like, who's this person?
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Because I wanted to build something for myself, but I wasn't sure that people were going to allow me to create what I wanted to create straight away.
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And also there wasn't like a monetization plan three years ago on Facebook or I guess maybe YouTube, but it wasn't like a way to make money with your content.
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You were just, I'm impacting the world and.
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 That's why maybe I'll do a book and this and that to make some money, but you couldn't monetize really then.
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No.
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And, and, and it was monetization has never been my goal.
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Like in the beginning, the goal was simply to make an impact.
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And then I realized that without money, you can't scale the impact.
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It's true.
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And that was the clear decision that I had to rewire my relationship with money.
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I had to rewire my relationship.
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So without a big fear?
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That was a big fear.
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We've talked about this a bunch before, but why was money a big fear for you?
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 Well, I think I grew up in a family where we always had just enough.
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So the language around money was, we have just enough.
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We have just enough.
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We have just enough.
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And almost there was not necessarily through my parents, but there was a negative kind of narrative that I grew up with that to be rich or wealthy, you had to backstab, lie, cheat, steal, or do something dodgy.
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 or not be there for your family or, you know, correct.
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Sacrifice time.
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Totally.
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Like it couldn't be done in a healthy way.
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You couldn't become wealthy in a healthy way.
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Right.
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Like that was kind of what was the switch for you then when you realized, Oh no, like money is a good thing to make more of an impact.
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And I actually need to focus on this or add, you know, overcome this fear.
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 Well, I think being in a place where you're four months away from being broke.
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You're like, I didn't make some money.
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You realize that fear doesn't help you be creative.
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So your creativity actually shrinks.
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 when you're under immense pressure and fear because creativity, of course, creativity also comes from pain, but creativity also needs abundance to really flourish.
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That's true.
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You have a great part in your, you have a great chapter or section in your book that says, follow the pain in your heart.
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And it sounds like you had a pain in your heart.
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Like I got to pay for rent and I've got this creative endeavor that I really want to take on.
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And so you went all in on that.
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 Yeah, exactly.
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The fear now that I think that I'm really, I theoretically understand, but I'm still working on.
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You haven't done.
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That I haven't done yet is I wish I could talk to every person that followed me on social and share my heart with them.
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Like I wish, my fear is that people don't understand my heart.
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And theoretically, I know that
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 no one will ever fully understand me.
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And so I have to be able to let go of that.
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But I think it's hard, like you said, when you're living a public life and you want to be able to share your truth with people and you want everyone to understand you.
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Like for example, if me and you were talking.
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 we can give each other time of day to understand each other.
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Yes.
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Context, conversation, back and forth.
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Yeah.
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Depth and like reflection.
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But when you have, even if you have a video or you have a podcast, speaking to someone one-on-one is a totally different experience.
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That's why podcasts work because even though we know other people are going to hear this, really it's a conversation between us.
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 What is the thing that you really wish people understood about you, about your heart?
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If you had 60 seconds to two minutes to share that direct to your audience, what would you say that's, you really want them to hear?
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Yeah.
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I'd say that I'd want people to know.
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 that my intention has always been to serve, it always will be, that's the place I come from.
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And that I try my best every single day to do what I love in a way that can help other people grow.
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And that
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 I'm not perfect.
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Uh, I, I'm, I don't have it all figured out, but I'm learning along the way and I'm sharing what I've learned.
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Yeah.
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And that to me is, you know, that to me is probably in 62nd version.
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Sure.
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Sure.
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What would you say yours is, what would you say?
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I think it's a lot of pressure for,
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 Especially since you're a monk, you probably have more pressure because people assume that like you're supposed to be this perfect spiritual.
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I don't know.
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I'm just making an assumption, but that might be part of the pressure.
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And I think people need to understand that we're all human beings is trying to like figure it out.
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And I know your heart and I know what you've been through and I know the challenges and things you've overcome.
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 And I think it's unfortunate that anyone with any size of an audience has a pressure to be perfect with everything in their life.
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And there's so much happening in the world right now where they're just canceling everyone, where it seems like it's exhausting.
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You have to be perfect.
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And that's why people are more afraid than ever to be vulnerable, because it's just another thing to knock people down.
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Yeah.
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But that's what I was going to ask you.
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Has there ever been a time?
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 where you felt you were vulnerable and open, where actually you found people took advantage of it or distanced themselves from you?
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Or have you always found that vulnerability has acted in this superpower?
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And there's no right or wrong answer.
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I really want to know, like, have you always found that vulnerability?
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And then what is that vulnerability, if that's the case?
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How was it done artfully?
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The first thing that's coming up is
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 I was really worried.
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I didn't think people would receive me for opening up about sexual trauma.
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I didn't think they would.
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I thought they would like say nasty things or whatever distance themselves, but it was like the complete opposite where that vulnerability really.
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 And again, I wasn't doing it for some type of marketing strategy.
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I was just like, I need to get this off my chest.
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And I wanted to share it.
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Um, gosh, I'm trying to think of like being vulnerable, but time or didn't work.
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I feel like it always works out.
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I think, uh, you know, a year and a half ago, I was going through a breakup.
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 And that was a very vulnerable time for me because I had people that didn't have the full context and weren't actually reaching out to me to ask me questions.
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They were just making assumptions.
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And that was more of a painful challenge to go through of realizing, oh, here's who my real friends are.
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 And here's who people who have just like always taken for years, but when I'm going through something where they don't really know what's going on, they make assumptions and they don't become vulnerable with me.
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So that was like a moment where I was like, man, that kind of sucks that.
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 You know, but it was also great in the fact that I learned who my friends were.
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And so it was like, I got to purge a lot of people and you were really instrumental in helping me.
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Like, you know, people are going to come and go, you can't hold on to relationships and you don't want to hold onto a relationship if they're single-sided or if they're judgmental or if they're.
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 whatever, righteous about something, without actually taking the time to be thoughtful, ask questions, listen with an open heart, and hear what's actually really going on.
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And I think that was a time where I was like, it's hard in the moment when you're in it.
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But I kept saying to myself, I'm going to have hindsight now.
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Hindsight now.
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Hindsight now.
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But they ended this year.
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It's New Year's Eve.
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 Like I'm going to be in a completely different place and this is all going to be happening.
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It's all going to be happening and serving me in a much greater way.
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That's going to set me up for something that I would never been able to do in the future.
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And I feel like the adversity that we go through sets us up for incredible things, but it's so hard to see it and go through it in that moment.
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But by the end of that year,
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 I was with a woman, the woman of my dreams.
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I was purged relationships that were takers of me for years, just wanting me to promote them and help them and make introductions who were only single sided.
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I purged these judgmental people out of my life.
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I developed deeper relationships with the people I had who were there for me, you being one of them.
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And I freed myself of the need to please other people.
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Yeah.
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 And that was another fear of mine, which was like, I want everyone to like me.
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I want everyone to understand me, kind of like you.
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It's like, ah, but if they actually knew what was really happening, they would know what's going on in my heart and all these things.
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And so when I freed myself of that, it was like, I'm in the healthiest relationship I've ever been in.
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And I'll tell you why.
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She's the woman of my dreams.
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Yet, if we broke up tomorrow, I'd be okay.
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 because I'm such at peace knowing that this is happening for me, and she's in my life for a reason right now, and hopefully it lasts a long time, but if it doesn't, for whatever reason, we weren't supposed to force it.
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And it's setting me up for something that I learned to use in the next relationship, or the next part of my life.
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And I've never been in a, I'm getting chills right now, because I've never been in a relationship where I've been able to say, like, I'd be okay if it didn't work out.
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 And that's why I stay in relationships too long because I was too afraid to let it go and feel alone and feel insecure.
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And I'm just like, if she broke up with me or if we decided it wasn't the right fit, I'd be at peace because I'm not attached.
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This is something you taught me is about really being unattached to the outcome, like being unattached.
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 to whatever it looks like, and knowing that if I keep focusing on my heart, if I keep focusing on giving, if I keep focusing on growing, if I keep focusing on loving people and loving myself, then I'm going to reject and attract the right things in my life, whether it be my relationships intimately, business partnerships, friends.
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You're going to repel people that don't want to be in that energy, and you're going to be a magnet to beautiful things.
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 And that's why in the first time in my life, in my mind, I'm like, my mind is calm and my heart is at peace because I'm not attached to something needing to look a certain way.
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It feels beautiful.
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What a beautiful place to be, man.
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I'd be sad.
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Listen, I don't want to end the relationship.
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I'd be sad.
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I'd be like, okay, I'm sure there'd be some grieving.
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But it's just like, I feel like I've been through so many hard things in my life emotionally, internally, that I'm like, I'm fine.
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I'm okay.
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I'm alive.
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I'm here.
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And it's actually,
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 It's almost like that thing that didn't work out pushed me up higher to the next greater thing.
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And that relationship taught me this lesson that's allowed me to do this thing.
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And this person is getting me to actually learn Spanish, which has been something I want to do for 20 years.
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And this person got me to open my heart and talk about sexual abuse.
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And it's like, it's all helping me and serve me to then serve and give more energy to the world.
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 And I think that's what people need to look at is like the challenge that I'm facing right now, the adversity you're facing, whether it be COVID or relationship, your, you lost your job.
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Like you need to look at this as the greatest gift of your life because it is, if you look at it as the greatest adversity, then you'll stay in that space for much longer until you realize this is a beautiful gift and it's serving me.
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Where do I find the lesson and how can I lean into the lesson and grow from there?
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 That is beautiful, man.
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Well said.
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That is truly just, you're speaking to our hearts right now.
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That is such a beautiful place to live, it sounds like.
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Because it is a complete relationship with yourself first, which is what you started with.
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I think the most interesting relationship we have is the relationship we have with ourself, or source, or God, or higher power.
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But I think the self-image we have
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 Like I remember looking in the mirror as a kid and not loving myself.
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And if, if you can look in the mirror without narcissism, but actually like pure love for all that you've had to overcome, all that you've been through, all you've accomplished your way of being, how you've been kind to human beings and kind to yourself.
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And if you can fully look in the mirror and say, I love you and I'm grateful for you and I'm proud of you.
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Those are three of the most incredible things that a person could say, because most people can't say those things today.
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 I bet if you're listening or watching this right now, that there's a lot of people that can't look themselves in the mirror, take their clothes off down to their underwear and say, I love you, I'm proud of you, and you matter.
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Those three things are probably things that it's hard.
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 Maybe you love some things, but you don't love everything.
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And there's a lot I want to work on.
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I'm not perfect.
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There's a lot of flaws.
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But it's like, at the end of the day, I ask myself, did I show up and do the best I could like you?
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Did I give to the best that I could?
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 And am I following my mission, my purpose?
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You know, I think like a monk, you give a clear outline of how to discover and follow your purpose.
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Without a purpose, we are really feeling lost and we're going to feel like we're never enough because we're chasing a bunch of things that aren't the mission.
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So that's why I keep going back to your book because I think it's really like the, the handbook for living a great life for people that if, you know, I got an early copy, so I feel blessed to be able to like learn this stuff now and apply it to my life.
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But.
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 You know, it wasn't until a few years ago when I really was able to look at myself in the mirror and say, like, I'm proud of you and I love you and your matter.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I think that's sad, but also exciting at the same time, because I think if people can learn that quicker, they're just gonna have much more peace in their heart.
1
SPEAKER_02
And that's what we all need.
1
SPEAKER_00
 Lewis has man, this is literally everything you're saying today is just like, it's hitting the heart.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like I'm hearing you speak today and we speak often.
1
SPEAKER_00
So I'm used to having conversations with you.
1
SPEAKER_00
We always have like three, four hour conversations, whether we're walking or sitting, but everything you're saying today is like going straight to the heart.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like it's just decluttering for me.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so I'm hoping that everyone who's listening or watching right now, you're listening to Lewis going, I need more of this guy in my life because he's so clear, so crystal clear.
1
SPEAKER_00
 And I can tell that it's because you've done the work over the last few years.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like this isn't just, see saying those things that- Not just theory.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it's not theory and it's also not just reading the lines, right?
1
SPEAKER_00
You're not just saying that to yourself in the mirror to say it to yourself.
1
SPEAKER_00
You're doing the internal work to be able to say that to yourself in a genuine, authentic way with the understanding still that you want to grow.
1
SPEAKER_02
 Yeah, listen, I'm not in front of the mirror every day saying these things to myself.
1
SPEAKER_02
No, I'm not like, I'm not like in my underwear.
1
SPEAKER_02
But I've done it before.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I think you need to ask it could be a reflective question.
1
SPEAKER_02
Could I stand in front of the mirror and look at myself and every day?
1
SPEAKER_02
 I, I think about something every day that is, you know, I don't meditate every day, although I try to, you know, I wish I was as disciplined as you two hours in the morning, but I, I do about a 15 minute meditation almost daily, um, called the soul sink.
1
SPEAKER_02
That's really worked for me, but every day it might just be a few minutes, but every day I think about the greatest version of myself.
1
SPEAKER_02
What is like the greatest version of Lewis Howes look like?
1
SPEAKER_02
And if he was from a distance walking towards me.
1
SPEAKER_02
 If I could soak that in for 10 seconds, the way he walked his posture, his energy, his aura, his love, what would I be feeling?
1
SPEAKER_02
What would I be experiencing?
1
SPEAKER_02
I try to imagine myself.
1
SPEAKER_02
The greatest, perfect version of myself walking towards me and then staring me straight in the eyes.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I try to imagine what are the things that I'm not doing.
1
SPEAKER_02
 that are not getting me closer to that right now.
1
SPEAKER_02
How can I eliminate those things?
1
SPEAKER_02
What are the things I am doing that's gonna get me closer?
1
SPEAKER_02
How can I do more of those things?
1
SPEAKER_02
And I'm a big visual guy.
1
SPEAKER_02
So for me, visualization allows me to paint a picture in my mind and then hopefully apply it in the real world by taking action.
1
SPEAKER_02
But I try to, that's my meditation.
1
SPEAKER_02
It's like, what's holding me back?
1
SPEAKER_02
What's missing?
1
SPEAKER_02
And what does that greatest version of me have when he walks close to me?
1
SPEAKER_02
 And I think if we look at our lives like that, where we start to imagine, what could I do?
1
SPEAKER_02
Not that I'm ever going to reach that, but what could I be doing better?
1
SPEAKER_02
And am I closer every single day to that great image of myself that I want to be?
1
SPEAKER_02
The thing that makes me proud, that makes me feel like I matter and that I love myself.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I think it's a powerful technique that I use daily to help me get there.
1
SPEAKER_00
 Dude, that's so powerful.
1
SPEAKER_00
It's fun.
1
SPEAKER_00
That's so powerful.
1
SPEAKER_00
It's fun.
1
SPEAKER_00
Because most of us are visual thinkers, or at least the ones of us that are, and all of us love visuals, whether it's movies or music videos.
1
SPEAKER_00
And you're so right that when you start to see it clearly in your mind, and you've always talked about this, I've heard you talk about this on Ellen, I've heard you talk about this on multiple interviews, where you always talk about like it starts with the dream, but it's like the dream is something you have to see first.
1
SPEAKER_00
 And that is what a dream is.
1
SPEAKER_00
When you go to sleep and you dream, it means you saw something.
1
SPEAKER_00
And that's where it starts.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I want to start here by talking about something that you've got that started as a dream, that started as a visual in your mind, that now is about to reach its 1,000th episode, which is your podcast, The School of Greatness, which is what the first book was.
1
SPEAKER_00
 Uh, based on, for those of you who haven't read it, this is, uh, Lewis's first ever book, New York times, bestselling author of this book, the school of greatness, but you're on your thousandth episode.
1
SPEAKER_00
Crazy, man.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_02
I want to, you know, I remember as I started to go through my healing process, seven and a half, eight years ago, I had an idea.
1
SPEAKER_02
I was like, I just want to interview great minds and cause I'm learning from so many great people.
1
SPEAKER_02
I was a great networker and I would.
1
SPEAKER_02
 get a seat at the table and I would get a one-on-one call with them.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I was like, man, I just wish everyone could hear the information that they're sharing.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I always thought I was asking the dumbest questions when I would talk to them, like the most basic dumb questions.
1
SPEAKER_02
But for whatever reason, they were like so grateful that I asked them.
1
SPEAKER_02
 And I was like, God, but I just feel like everyone will make fun of me if I ask these questions.
1
SPEAKER_02
So I was like, I feel like I'm doing a disservice by getting all this knowledge and not sharing with other people my dumb questions.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I was like, I just want to launch a show.
1
SPEAKER_02
This was way before podcasts was popular.
1
SPEAKER_02
2012, I had the idea.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I was like, I want to launch this show.
1
SPEAKER_02
I want to do it once a week.
1
SPEAKER_02
 And I had one episode with one listener to start and now we're 250 million downloads, a thousand episodes in.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I didn't know what would, what would happen from the dream.
1
SPEAKER_02
It was just like, I just want to create this thing and start it.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I want to do it for a year.
1
SPEAKER_02
It was an experiment, just like everything else.
1
SPEAKER_02
Cause I wasn't a polished interviewer.
1
SPEAKER_02
I didn't have radio skills.
1
SPEAKER_02
I wasn't like an on-camera host.
1
SPEAKER_02
I was none of that.
1
SPEAKER_02
 But I was like, this is an experiment to overcome fears, to put myself out there and allow people to hear me ask them questions.
1
SPEAKER_02
And hopefully based on me learning, they can learn.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I think a lot of people that.
1
SPEAKER_02
 have a dream of doing something, they're just wrapped up in so much fear that if you could just get it started and be consistent, you'll see so many beautiful things that come from it.
1
SPEAKER_02
I never knew I would launch a book from the podcast, or the second book, or a live event, or coaching, or court.
1
SPEAKER_02
They all stem from people saying,
1
SPEAKER_02
 We want more.
1
SPEAKER_02
Can you create something else?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_02
Same thing with you.
1
SPEAKER_02
You probably never knew when I want to do these videos once a month and inspire people.
1
SPEAKER_02
You never knew that you would have this book that is going to be a number one New York Times bestseller, international phenomenon.
1
SPEAKER_02
I'm calling it now before it comes out.
1
SPEAKER_02
You didn't know you'd have a podcast that's now one of the top 50 in the world on iTunes.
1
SPEAKER_02
You didn't know these things would come.
1
SPEAKER_02
 come from it, but you had a dream of like, I just want to create videos and inspire people.
1
SPEAKER_02
And because you leaned into your, your talent, your skill set of being like a great learner from your, your education years to monk life, to then being a great teacher and your love for movies and creativity and putting it into your creation in a unique and different way.
1
SPEAKER_02
 You had the trifecta, the perfect storm that allowed you to share your gift with the world.
1
SPEAKER_02
And it worked.
1
SPEAKER_02
And so you kept leaning into it.
1
SPEAKER_02
And then because of that impact, okay, you're going to have this book, the podcast, TV shows, movies, like whatever you want to do is going to happen.
1
SPEAKER_02
 If you never overcame the fear of putting out that first video and then the fear of success of doing it consistently, you wouldn't have the rest of this.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think about that all the time.
1
SPEAKER_00
I consistently think about what my life would be if I listened to the rejections and the failures and didn't put that first video out.
1
SPEAKER_00
 And I wonder how you would feel.
1
SPEAKER_00
And by the way, anyone who's listening or watching right now, you can tell that Lewis is a really good interviewer because he keeps making it about the other person.
1
SPEAKER_00
And that shows you why he's such a brilliant interviewer.
1
SPEAKER_00
It's like, why are we talking about me again?
1
SPEAKER_00
Why do we keep talking about me?
1
SPEAKER_00
And I'm not trying to make it about me at all, but this is Lewis.
1
SPEAKER_00
This is why he's such a great interviewer.
1
SPEAKER_00
And when I...
1
SPEAKER_00
 you know, me and Lewis, we've interviewed a couple of people together or been at tables where Lewis is asking question.
1
SPEAKER_00
I actually believe that you ask the best questions.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like when you ask a question, it's often a question I've never even thought of.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I definitely don't think it's stupid, but there's a depth to the way you answer because you really want to hear the, you really want to learn.
1
SPEAKER_00
And you have that.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I remember my, one of my monk teachers teaching me that he said that if you ever feel you gave a good class,
1
SPEAKER_00
 Or if you ever feel that you gave a good sermon or a lecture, you should always remember that it is because of the sincerity and eagerness of the audience.
1
SPEAKER_00
And he said that if you felt that you delivered, it's because that audience was so receptive.
1
SPEAKER_02
 To hear it's like, we've both been at conferences where we've spoken, where the audiences were not engaged.
1
SPEAKER_02
And you might've been like, I'm up here dancing like a monkey, freaking sweating, jumping around, telling the best stories ever.
1
SPEAKER_02
And it feels like cricket still.
1
SPEAKER_02
And everyone's on their phone and you're like, but when you go into a room, uh, where it's just like, they're just sitting on the edge of the seat.
1
SPEAKER_02
Cause they're just excited to hear you.
1
SPEAKER_02
Whatever reason the context was set up.
1
SPEAKER_02
You're just like, you can say whatever they laugh at a moment.
1
SPEAKER_02
It's probably like a comedian where it's like, you know, you go into a comedy club.
3
SPEAKER_03
 So those three things.
3
SPEAKER_05
I love those, man.
3
SPEAKER_05
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_05
So number one challenge for everyone listening and watching right now, I want you to ask those three questions to someone in your life because there's such easy questions to ask.
3
SPEAKER_05
And actually even the permission question is so beautiful because it's going to allow that person to open up to you to be more vulnerable.
3
SPEAKER_05
 Yeah, I love that.
3
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_05
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_05
It's going to, it's going to improve vulnerability in your life.
3
SPEAKER_03
Yes.
3
SPEAKER_05
So everyone, I want you to find one person this week that you're going to ask those three questions to because they're beautiful.
3
SPEAKER_05
Okay, great.
3
SPEAKER_05
Uh, second question for you is what do you, what is something in life that you're certain about that you think other people would disagree with you on?
3
SPEAKER_03
 I mean, something I grew up in, which is a, a philosophy, a religion, a mindset that, um, two things.
3
SPEAKER_03
One, I grew up in a religion called Christian science, which is actually the same religion that Ellen grew up in.
3
SPEAKER_03
Her, her dad passed away a couple of years ago and he was a Christian scientist till the day he died.
3
SPEAKER_03
She did a nice little memorial on TV talking about it.
3
SPEAKER_03
But Ellen had some challenges in the religion because, um,
3
SPEAKER_03
 Extreme Christian scientists.
3
SPEAKER_03
I would say do not support like same-sex Relationships, right?
3
SPEAKER_03
So I think there was some challenge there.
3
SPEAKER_03
That was really like Struggling for her and I'm no longer let's say, you know in the religion per se But I believe in some of the philosophies that it taught me early on I don't believe with all of it, but there's some of it number one is We are just an idea.
3
SPEAKER_03
We are thoughts and we are spiritual thoughts
3
SPEAKER_03
 And we can heal the physical body through spiritual thought.
3
SPEAKER_03
So that's one thing idea that I think people would say, well, I don't agree with that because we're matter and this and the right.
3
SPEAKER_03
And, um, my grandfather used to tell me.
3
SPEAKER_03
 that Christian science also stands for, CS, the letters, also stand for common sense.
3
SPEAKER_03
And that if you are in pain, if you've broken something, go to the hospital, get it set, take medicine if you need to, so you can get back to a place of a peaceful mind, and then heal yourself with your thoughts.
3
SPEAKER_03
 So it's funny coming back and doing the podcast now hearing guys like joe dispenser and marissa pierre and all these other great and yourself talking about like it's all in the thought is in the mind it's like how you think about yourself and how you reflect about yourself and your imagination.
3
SPEAKER_03
 That I'm like, this is all stuff I heard growing up in this religion.
3
SPEAKER_03
So I truly believe that we are spiritual ideas, even though I wrestle with it sometimes when I feel physical stuff and I'm in a physical body, but we are led by our spiritual thought.
3
SPEAKER_03
The second thing.
3
SPEAKER_03
 There's a lesson my dad taught me as well.
3
SPEAKER_03
He never celebrated my birthday.
3
SPEAKER_03
And I think you've seen a video of me talking about that video.
3
SPEAKER_03
And I remember when I was like nine or 10, I was upset around my birthday time.
3
SPEAKER_03
And I was like, dad, why don't we celebrate my birthday?
3
SPEAKER_03
Do you not love me?
3
SPEAKER_03
And, uh, my friends have, uh, the kids in school have like birthday parties and this and that, they get cakes and balloons and presents.
3
SPEAKER_03
And I never got anything.
3
SPEAKER_03
And I was like,
3
SPEAKER_03
 Do you not love me?
3
SPEAKER_03
And he said, I love you very much.
3
SPEAKER_03
But I, I love you so much that I don't want to celebrate your age because I never want you to be limited by how young or how old you are.
3
SPEAKER_03
Because so many people that he knew would always say, I'm too old to do this.
3
SPEAKER_03
I'm too young to do this.
3
SPEAKER_03
I could never do this.
3
SPEAKER_03
My time has passed.
3
SPEAKER_03
 And I was like, you can still buy me a cake dad, like take me out to ice cream.
3
SPEAKER_03
And he's, he did it.
3
SPEAKER_03
He just celebrated me in other ways.
3
SPEAKER_03
But that lesson has stuck with me because it was painful and it hurt me that it didn't happen for many years.
3
SPEAKER_03
But when I learned the lesson, I started to really appreciate and say, you know what?
3
SPEAKER_03
 You're right.
3
SPEAKER_03
When I was an early teenager, I was like, screw it.
3
SPEAKER_03
I can be a varsity as a freshman.
3
SPEAKER_03
Who cares if these guys are four years older than me?
3
SPEAKER_03
I've been working harder for the last four years.
3
SPEAKER_03
I can play with these guys.
3
SPEAKER_03
I never doubted myself, my abilities to have a shot at something.
3
SPEAKER_03
And I think it was like this, I don't know, it was this, I just didn't have a programming that limited me early on in certain things.
3
SPEAKER_03
I'm sure I'm limited in other ways, but it wasn't holding me back from going after what I wanted.
3
SPEAKER_03
 And I think that never has held me back from like launching a book or a podcast or events, like things I'd never done in my life and didn't know how to do.
3
SPEAKER_03
It didn't stop me from trying.
3
SPEAKER_03
So I was grateful for those ideas.
3
SPEAKER_05
Those are amazing, man.
3
SPEAKER_05
Those are big ones.
3
SPEAKER_05
They're deep ones.
3
SPEAKER_05
I love those.
3
SPEAKER_05
It's interesting what you were saying about your father.
3
SPEAKER_05
 And it's really about understanding why he did it, which is what makes it so interesting.
3
SPEAKER_05
Because he didn't explain it for years until I came to him and said, do you not love me?
3
SPEAKER_05
 And I felt that way.
3
SPEAKER_05
So with my parents too, like we never really celebrated my achievement.
3
SPEAKER_05
So we always celebrate my birthday, but if I achieve something, we didn't really celebrate it.
3
SPEAKER_05
So if I got good grades, it was like, okay, if I. Got straight A's, they were just like, it was expected.
3
SPEAKER_05
Expected.
3
SPEAKER_05
It was expected that I would do something like that.
3
SPEAKER_05
Not because I always did, but just because it was kind of taken, not taken for granted, but expected is the right word.
3
SPEAKER_05
And so,
3
SPEAKER_05
 I don't think they did this consciously, but what it did for me, and this is partly why I think it's always about how you perceive something.
3
SPEAKER_05
The way I took that is it stopped me seeking their validation because they never had a big response to what I was doing.
3
SPEAKER_05
 I just started having my own response to what I was doing.
3
SPEAKER_05
So I stopped wanting them or needing them to be proud or to be excited for me or anything because I was like, I'm just going to give that to myself.
3
SPEAKER_05
So that was a, was that a good thing then that they did not acknowledge your accomplishments?
3
SPEAKER_05
I think for me, I took it as a great thing.
3
SPEAKER_05
Uh, and, and then the other thing that it gave me was I always,
3
SPEAKER_05
 stopped being complacent because, because we didn't over exaggerate a celebration, I could always gradually go and go, okay, what's next?
3
SPEAKER_05
What am I going to build next?
3
SPEAKER_05
What am I going to focus next?
3
SPEAKER_05
And I think my wife definitely has bought more of a celebratory aspect in my life.
3
SPEAKER_03
You've been to my- We need that.
3
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, we do need that.
3
SPEAKER_03
Because me and you were just like, okay, it's done, go.
3
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_03
Next, bigger, better.
3
SPEAKER_03
It's not good enough.
3
SPEAKER_03
Like we need to like, okay, let's take a moment.
3
SPEAKER_05
 Yeah, exactly.
3
SPEAKER_03
You were at my surprise party two years ago.
3
SPEAKER_03
By the way, if you want to get on Jay's good side, he loves birthdays.
3
SPEAKER_03
So send him a nice gift or something or just a nice card and he will remember it for sure.
3
SPEAKER_05
Yeah, meaningful.
3
SPEAKER_05
It has to be something that I would like.
3
SPEAKER_05
My definition of a gift is something that I wouldn't get for myself.
3
SPEAKER_05
Right.
3
SPEAKER_05
And so it doesn't have... A written card is a meaningful gift.
3
SPEAKER_05
Totally, because I wouldn't write a card to myself.
3
SPEAKER_05
Jay, you're amazing to myself.
3
SPEAKER_05
 No, I appreciate birthdays because my parents always did a big thing on birthdays.
3
SPEAKER_05
But yeah, you've been to my parties and my wife has really brought celebration to my life because she comes from a family where they celebrate a lot.
3
SPEAKER_05
But anyway, okay, that is question number two.
3
SPEAKER_05
Going back to it.
3
SPEAKER_05
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_05
Number three is a question that I know people would love to hear from you.
3
SPEAKER_05
If someone
3
SPEAKER_05
 wants to start reading?
3
SPEAKER_05
What are three books that you would recommend that have had a big impact on your life?
3
SPEAKER_05
I mean, I've already read about 15 books in my life from cover to cover.
3
SPEAKER_03
So the ones that have been impactful me is The Alchemist, which I think is one of your favorite.
3
SPEAKER_03
Love it.
3
SPEAKER_05
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_03
The Alchemist, I think, you know, it comes back to like the treasure in our heart and what's already within us and like just discovering that and finding that and I think so often we get comparison game, we get off track, we get distraction game where we don't remember like what's
3
SPEAKER_03
 our true legend inside of us.
3
SPEAKER_03
That's one.
3
SPEAKER_03
I would say.
3
SPEAKER_03
 I'm not, I mean, I'm not saying this cause you're here.
3
SPEAKER_03
I think you're both things like a monk is seriously just like an amazing, like, I want to keep going through it because it's just like every two pages has an example, a model of framework where it's, you can apply it to your life.
3
SPEAKER_03
So I think that's the modern version of probably like 10 to 20 books of the past in the personal growth space and in this kind of mindset space that I think is going to be the standard for the next 10 years.
3
SPEAKER_03
So I'd say that one.
3
SPEAKER_03
And then I would say, I
3
SPEAKER_03
 There's a book that just popped in my mind called Influence by Robert Cialdini.
3
SPEAKER_05
Oh yeah, I've seen that.
3
SPEAKER_03
I've never read that.
3
SPEAKER_03
 So much about life is understanding human nature and human psychology and human behavior.
3
SPEAKER_03
You and I study human behavior a lot.
3
SPEAKER_03
And so much of this is, it doesn't matter how talented you are, if you can't influence someone to see your talent or to buy your talent or to watch your talent or read your talent, it doesn't matter unless you learn how to influence in an ethical, moral way, other people to desire something that you can create, whether that's
3
SPEAKER_03
 influence people to desire you in an intimate relationship, a friendship, you know, your family members.
3
SPEAKER_03
So they desire you like all these things.
3
SPEAKER_03
Understanding these are, I think it's seven areas of how to influence people on anything.
3
SPEAKER_03
And I learned this back when I was learning online marketing, when I was making no money, I read this book and it gave me the tools to then say, I have an idea.
3
SPEAKER_03
How do we get people to buy into this idea?
3
SPEAKER_03
 It's the same strategies that politicians use.
3
SPEAKER_03
And you know, when people are trying to build a campaign, so Amazon uses these strategies, like every big company uses these kind of seven or eight key factors of influence.
3
SPEAKER_03
And so let's say that book, it's a much more dense kind of like research based stuff you would like.
3
SPEAKER_03
It's not an easy read, but it's like it tells all the research behind it all.
3
SPEAKER_03
So those three.
3
SPEAKER_05
 All right.
3
SPEAKER_05
Thank you, man.
3
SPEAKER_05
I appreciate it.
3
SPEAKER_05
Thank you so much.
3
SPEAKER_05
Question number four and five, four is what's the biggest lesson you've learned in the last 12 months?
3
SPEAKER_03
I'm trying to think of the right word.
3
SPEAKER_03
I think it's, I think it's patience.
3
SPEAKER_03
Uh, it's, it's probably patience coupled with what's the word.
3
SPEAKER_03
 just not trying not to react and constantly put myself in another person's shoes.
3
SPEAKER_03
It's just like a lack of patience and perspective and not reacting when someone else is trying to come at you.
3
SPEAKER_03
So it's been really challenging, but it's like teaching.
3
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I've been learning how to do that better to just breathe, make sure.
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And when I react, it's like, oh, I didn't follow the meditation in the morning.
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I need to meditate more.
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It's like, so just having patience and more perspective, it's been a big lesson.
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 I love that man.
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Okay, and fifth and final question.
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If you could create a law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?
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Gosh, the first thing that came to my mind was
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 You have to believe in yourself because I believe that I believe that self doubt is the killer of every dream.
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And so many of us die with our dreams in the graveyard.
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We don't have dreams that we have imagination.
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We don't manifest the imagination.
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We don't become the alchemist of our life and create something beautiful, our talent, our gift, our purpose because of doubt.
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 And if we believed in ourself more, we would be ruthless in our actions on creating it, or at least going for it.
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So I'd say the law of believing in yourself and that there is no such thing as self doubt.
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SPEAKER_03
 Um, that's the first thing that came to mind, but I would also say like just loving and having more compassion, like the law of love and compassion, because that would end every war and every fight and political issues.
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SPEAKER_03
Like just having that law of love would be amazing.
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Yeah.
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I love that.
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SPEAKER_05
 Lewis, how's everyone?
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If you want to read more from Lewis, of course, The School of Greatness, which was his first book, his second book, The Mask of Masculinity.
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I'm excited for the next one.
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I felt like you could take anything you said in this podcast and go straight into a new book.
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So I'm buzzing for that one.
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 I just want to say to everyone listening and watching, go and check out The School of Greatness reaching its thousandth episode, which is an insane achievement.
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I want to celebrate Lewis.
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I want to celebrate this incredible legacy that he's created and leaving as well and continuing to build.
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I'm excited to see who else is coming on the show.
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SPEAKER_05
And I just want to say a big thank you to you, man.
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This has been so much fun.
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SPEAKER_03
 It's great, man.
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SPEAKER_03
We've got to do more of this.
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SPEAKER_03
Oh, 100%.
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You need to come back.
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SPEAKER_03
I'm trying to think of catchphrases for us, like the athlete in the brain, or the mind in the heart, or something.
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It's like, we've got to come together.
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Yeah, yeah.
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No, for sure.
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For sure.
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SPEAKER_05
I love this, man.
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This is so fun.
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And more than that, I really appreciate you sharing and opening up your story, being vulnerable, because it doesn't matter how many times you've shared it.
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 it's always vulnerable.
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And so it always requires you.
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And today, the way you shared it, I felt so coached by you through it, that every time you were sharing so many practical insights for us that we can actually do.
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So anyone who's listening and watching, make sure you go back to the episode and do the activities that Lewis is saying.
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It's not good enough to just know them and hear them and think, oh, that's cool.
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Actually go and do them.
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 and experience the difference in your life.
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SPEAKER_05
But Lewis, thank you, man.
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Love you, brother.
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SPEAKER_05
Thank you so much.
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SPEAKER_05
Tag us both on Instagram with any insights and wisdom that stuck out.
3
SPEAKER_05
It's at Lewis Howes and at Jay Shetty.
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SPEAKER_05
Tag us on Instagram, on Twitter.
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SPEAKER_05
Tell us what you learned from today's episode, what you're testing, what you're trying.
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SPEAKER_05
And stay tuned for so many more episodes coming up on purpose.
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SPEAKER_05
And a big thank you again.
3
SPEAKER_05
Lewis, thank you so much for doing this.
3
SPEAKER_04
 This is the story of how a group of people brought music back to Afghanistan by creating their own version of American Idol.
3
SPEAKER_04
The joy they brought to the nation.
3
SPEAKER_00
You're free completely.
3
SPEAKER_00
No one is there to destroy you.
3
SPEAKER_04
The danger they endured.
3
SPEAKER_00
They said my head should be cut off.
3
SPEAKER_04
I'm John Legend.
3
SPEAKER_04
Listen to Afghan Star on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
3
SPEAKER_01
 Hey everyone, this is Molly and Matt, and we're the hosts of Grown Up Stuff How to Adult, a podcast from Ruby Studio and iHeart Podcasts.
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SPEAKER_02
It's a show dedicated to helping you figure out the trickiest parts of adulting.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like how to start planning for retirement, creating a healthy skincare routine, understanding when and how much to tip someone, and so much more.
3
SPEAKER_02
Let's learn about all of it and then some.
3
SPEAKER_02
Listen to Grown Up Stuff How to Adult on America's number one podcast network, iHeart.
3
SPEAKER_02
Open your free iHeart app and search Grown Up Stuff.
3
SPEAKER_00
 A new season of Bridgerton is here.
3
SPEAKER_00
And with it, a new season of Bridgerton, the official podcast.
3
SPEAKER_00
I'm your host, Gabby Collins.
3
SPEAKER_00
And this season, we are bringing fans even deeper into the ton.
3
SPEAKER_00
Watch season three of the Shondaland series on Netflix.
3
SPEAKER_00
Then fall in love all over again by listening to Bridgerton, the official podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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SPEAKER_00
Subscribe to catch a new episode every Thursday.