0
SPEAKER_02
Hey, David, no offense or nothing.
0
SPEAKER_02
I love when people start, no offense or nothing.
0
SPEAKER_02
Here comes the offense, go ahead.
0
SPEAKER_02
No offense or nothing, but you re wearing, FYI, another one I love, you re wearing the same hat you wore when we were interviewing live Zach Galifianakis.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh, yeah.
0
SPEAKER_02
Is that a theme with you?
0
SPEAKER_01
No, I just, I like this hat.
0
SPEAKER_02
To be close to Zach or what?
0
SPEAKER_01
I like this hat.
0
SPEAKER_01
Goddamn, we had a blast, Zach.
0
SPEAKER_01
It was fun.
0
SPEAKER_01
Don t have to swear.
0
SPEAKER_01
No, gosh dang.
0
SPEAKER_01
That s what I meant.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh, darn it.
0
SPEAKER_01
But I got a little zippy.
0
SPEAKER_01
What s it called?
0
SPEAKER_01
A three-quarter inch?
0
SPEAKER_01
Three-quarter sweater?
0
SPEAKER_02
You got the dime, you can get a long suit.
0
SPEAKER_01
What?
0
SPEAKER_01
Twelve grand.
0
SPEAKER_01
What did you ask me?
0
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
0
SPEAKER_01
Who are you?
0
SPEAKER_01
What?
0
SPEAKER_01
I don t like talking about it.
0
SPEAKER_02
A hundred grand?
0
SPEAKER_02
That s not a million dollars.
0
SPEAKER_02
Who cares about numbers?
0
SPEAKER_02
That s not Zach Gavilanis.
0
SPEAKER_02
That s Joe Biden trying to pronounce that.
0
SPEAKER_02
Zack Greger Glasses!
0
SPEAKER_02
That s a hard can, Zack Gleflin, that smashes!
0
SPEAKER_02
Come on, you know.
0
SPEAKER_02
Come on, man, I ll kick your ass!
0
SPEAKER_01
He s gonna just, by the end, he ll just be threatening reporters.
0
SPEAKER_01
He s asked to fight a lot of people because he always threatens a guy, a tough guy.
0
SPEAKER_02
He s the old guy on the porch.
0
SPEAKER_02
The ball came in my yard, this is my ball now!
0
SPEAKER_01
Dude, I wouldn t even trust him.
0
SPEAKER_01
Old man willikers.
0
SPEAKER_01
A ball.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay, so Zach.
0
SPEAKER_01
This is great.
0
SPEAKER_01
Should we talk about Zach too?
0
SPEAKER_01
People always ask us, are we cold in here?
0
SPEAKER_01
Are we hot?
0
SPEAKER_01
Is it bright?
0
SPEAKER_01
Why do we have sunglasses?
0
SPEAKER_01
Why do we not?
0
SPEAKER_02
All we know is we look cool.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it s all that.
0
SPEAKER_01
It doesn t matter.
0
SPEAKER_01
It does not matter.
0
SPEAKER_02
It s about 91 degrees in here right now, but we never sweat.
0
SPEAKER_01
And then they go, the scary part is they think they look cool.
0
SPEAKER_02
Look how we phone in the podcast.
0
SPEAKER_02
Of course we stay cool, even if it s hot.
0
SPEAKER_02
We got one foot out the door half the time.
0
SPEAKER_01
Dude, I phone that sucker in.
0
SPEAKER_01
I love phoning.
0
SPEAKER_01
Last night I fell asleep twice.
0
SPEAKER_01
Is that what?
0
SPEAKER_01
Zach was so funny, he s so, Quirks Ahoy is really the theme.
0
SPEAKER_01
He s a very interesting actor, hilarious comedian.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yep.
0
SPEAKER_01
You never know what you re going to get.
0
SPEAKER_01
We were lucky to sit with him because we all think he s such a high up there on the- I said to him at one point, you only do cool things.
0
SPEAKER_02
It s true.
0
SPEAKER_01
He turns down, I think we didn t get to the point last night because people go, oh, Hangover, Between Two Ferns is a home run, obviously.
0
SPEAKER_01
Classic.
0
SPEAKER_01
And they don t see him a lot, but he turns down so much and that s not really usually the custom.
0
SPEAKER_01
He breaks that.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
0
SPEAKER_02
So it was fun to talk to him and we laughed our ass off.
0
SPEAKER_02
He has an incredible sense of humor.
0
SPEAKER_02
He s one of those comedians who will laugh incredibly hard.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s very nice when comedians give it up and laugh.
0
SPEAKER_02
Charming, family man, has a lot of integrity organically without wearing on his sleeve about his work, like talks about how he just doesn t want to do things because that wouldn t work out or wouldn t be very good.
0
SPEAKER_02
So he was such a fun guy to hang out with, David.
0
SPEAKER_01
Unlike me,
0
SPEAKER_01
I do things that are horrible on purpose.
0
SPEAKER_01
No, I don t.
0
SPEAKER_02
Well, I ve got subsidies, and like I said, the church lady is for sale.
0
SPEAKER_02
If anyone s listening to this intro, she will walk out there.
0
SPEAKER_01
I think one of these shows, you gotta dress like a church lady and we ll just do a whole thing.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I think we should.
0
SPEAKER_02
We should have special guest appearance church lady.
0
SPEAKER_02
I got the full gear on.
0
SPEAKER_02
And you could maybe interview one of the people, one of our guests.
0
SPEAKER_02
Jeez, you got me busy.
0
SPEAKER_02
How about you dress up as Joe Dirt?
0
SPEAKER_01
Dana, I m not a clown.
0
SPEAKER_01
You re not a clown, you re Joe Dirt.
0
SPEAKER_01
I am so similar to Joe Dirt, it s not even that much different.
0
SPEAKER_01
There s not.
0
SPEAKER_01
I d have to get out of the cobwebs, go to the Smithsonian, get the codes.
0
SPEAKER_02
My wife says, how was Joe Dirt today?
0
SPEAKER_02
I said, you mean David?
0
SPEAKER_02
She goes, oh, you re right.
0
SPEAKER_02
Is that a different guy?
0
SPEAKER_01
That s his alter ego.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s like Santa Claus.
0
SPEAKER_02
Well, let s wrap it up.
0
SPEAKER_02
So why you should watch this.
0
SPEAKER_02
Zach is one of our favorite guests.
0
SPEAKER_02
I do believe he s one of the seminal comedians of his generation.
0
SPEAKER_02
There s only one Zach and he has a very finely tuned sense of humor and is a hell of a nice guy.
0
SPEAKER_02
So enjoy the show, David.
0
SPEAKER_02
I agree.
0
SPEAKER_01
Hey!
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, you go there.
0
SPEAKER_01
It started!
0
SPEAKER_01
It s already almost over.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_02
Great song, I thought it was good, you know.
0
SPEAKER_02
I did an impression within the first 20 seconds.
0
SPEAKER_02
Damn, this chair, look at our chair differential.
0
SPEAKER_02
The fuck, I m like a Muppet.
0
SPEAKER_02
You re like 6 2 and that thing.
0
SPEAKER_02
I m going to get up front and be like this.
0
SPEAKER_02
What s up, Zach?
0
SPEAKER_02
What?
0
SPEAKER_02
Is Zach here yet?
0
SPEAKER_02
I got up at 6.
0
SPEAKER_02
That s it.
0
SPEAKER_02
We re warning them it s going to be bad.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m just punchy.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m punchy.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m overtired.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m like a baby.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m overtired.
0
SPEAKER_01
Let s bring Zach out.
0
SPEAKER_01
Let s bring him out.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, that s the beginning.
0
SPEAKER_01
All right, Zach.
0
SPEAKER_01
Welcome Zach Galvanacas.
0
SPEAKER_01
Zach Galvanacas.
0
SPEAKER_01
It was a little louder for Zach if anyone s counting.
0
SPEAKER_02
All right.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay, Zach Galifianakis.
0
SPEAKER_02
Zach s Zach-alpha-nauseous.
0
SPEAKER_02
I m just gonna say it.
0
SPEAKER_02
You re something else, man.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, something else.
0
SPEAKER_02
You re something else.
0
SPEAKER_02
You look like Wolverine right now with that hair.
0
SPEAKER_02
Oh, really?
0
SPEAKER_02
I m sorry.
0
SPEAKER_01
No, it s cool.
0
SPEAKER_01
Actually, you have cool hair, which
0
SPEAKER_02
Plugs are coming in nice.
0
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_02
A lot of plug work.
0
SPEAKER_02
A lot of plug work.
0
SPEAKER_01
Crops coming in.
0
SPEAKER_00
Um, so how you doing?
0
SPEAKER_00
Is that it?
0
SPEAKER_00
I m a half mile away from you.
0
SPEAKER_00
I m doing well.
0
SPEAKER_00
David, why is that chair that way?
0
SPEAKER_01
This one?
0
SPEAKER_01
I don t know, they seem like a fucking hassle.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s for orthopedic issues.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh, okay.
0
SPEAKER_01
He likes to be erect.
0
SPEAKER_01
No, I don t know, this is good.
0
SPEAKER_01
Anyway, we don t have to talk about it.
0
SPEAKER_01
No, it s alright, Zach.
0
SPEAKER_01
Enough of this bullshit.
0
SPEAKER_02
So Zach, can we butter you up a little bit?
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, let s butter him up.
0
SPEAKER_02
Okay, how the fuck did you come up with the two ferns thing?
0
SPEAKER_02
Because that s too crazy.
0
SPEAKER_01
Some of you remember.
0
SPEAKER_02
Coming hot, right out of the box.
0
SPEAKER_02
Because that thing is, I saw every episode today.
0
SPEAKER_02
Oh.
0
SPEAKER_02
Today?
0
SPEAKER_02
Well, I ve seen them before, but I m almost 80.
0
SPEAKER_02
I have to refresh my memory.
0
SPEAKER_02
This is an illusion.
0
SPEAKER_02
It s a lot of blood and gut and sweats and tape.
0
SPEAKER_02
So when did you come up with that?
0
SPEAKER_00
It was part of a pilot that they were doing and this guy Scott Ackerman was producing it and he asked me to do... Come on up Scott.
0
SPEAKER_00
But he just said would you do something and I just said
0
SPEAKER_00
I, for some reason, I had this thought.
0
SPEAKER_00
I just said, can you get me two ferns and some kind of celebrity?
0
SPEAKER_00
And I had worked at a cable access show or station.
0
SPEAKER_00
I interned one in college.
0
SPEAKER_00
And so I kind of like that world, that kind of low end, desperate,
0
SPEAKER_00
I tried a way to communicate.
0
SPEAKER_00
I actually had taped a class at a cable access show about how to waltz.
0
SPEAKER_00
And I got my two friends, you know, back when you could do this stuff.
0
SPEAKER_00
You can t do it anymore.
0
SPEAKER_00
And we just put him in gowns.
0
SPEAKER_00
And it was a very straight video and dance lessons on cable access on how to waltz with not trying to be funny.
0
SPEAKER_00
So that kind of weird world I knew Scott Ackerman asked Michael Cera to be in the first one.
0
SPEAKER_00
And we just kind of made it weird and creepy.
0
SPEAKER_00
And I always thought celebrity interviews are
0
SPEAKER_00
What do you mean?
0
SPEAKER_00
Ridiculous.
0
SPEAKER_01
No, they are.
0
SPEAKER_01
He s talking like Axis Hollywood.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, OK.
0
SPEAKER_01
I got it.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s a little, yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
I mean, it s just such a bizarre thing to me about this.
0
SPEAKER_00
But let me ask you a question.
0
SPEAKER_02
So the guest comes in, and I understand from my research today that you didn t really prep it with them.
0
SPEAKER_02
Did they have cue cards or they don t even know what s coming?
0
SPEAKER_02
And then you guys just go right at it or do they know where you re going?
0
SPEAKER_00
No, nobody really knows what s going on.
0
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I mean, even us.
0
SPEAKER_00
I mean, we have written things down and I think the idea is
0
SPEAKER_00
they don t need to be funny.
0
SPEAKER_00
They just need to answer questions.
0
SPEAKER_00
And I think the awkwardness fills in the rest of it.
0
SPEAKER_00
And then often part of it is improv, or I ll give them something to say back at
1
SPEAKER_03
me that s very mean.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
So it s kind of a very give and take.
1
SPEAKER_03
It s not a prank.
1
SPEAKER_01
I don t want to prank people because I m sure people because, you know, the publicists in this world are very hawkish and they don t want you to do anything where you re going to look stupid.
1
SPEAKER_01
So you take the Michael Cera one maybe.
1
SPEAKER_01
And and they either see that because that probably goes up on Funny or Die maybe back then pretty quickly.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then that catches on.
1
SPEAKER_01
So they go.
1
SPEAKER_01
Someone might even call you and say, hey, I d like to be on this because it s my type of humor.
1
SPEAKER_01
And the people you have on obviously are funny and they re huge stars.
1
SPEAKER_01
And when they go along with it, it makes them look better.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s all good.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s sort of when you re on SNL and you go with it.
1
SPEAKER_01
If you let them make fun of you and goof around, it seems to be funnier.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
I mean, that is all true.
1
SPEAKER_03
But there s been some times when I ve
1
SPEAKER_01
Go sideways a little bit.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, that s what I m going to ask you.
1
SPEAKER_03
I don t really I don t know if I ve even I don t know if I ve even spoke about it, but.
1
SPEAKER_03
Oh, good.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
Well, I don t I don t I don t even know if I have, but there s been a couple of instances and I don t mean to bring people up, but yes.
1
SPEAKER_01
The name of the show is Name Name.
1
SPEAKER_03
The reason the reason it s called the reason I bring it up because I was just talking about it to somebody at lunch for some reason.
1
SPEAKER_03
And so I interviewed they brought it up and and at lunch today and they interviewed I mean, I interviewed Jennifer Aniston.
1
SPEAKER_03
Oh.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
You know, you know, smart water.
1
SPEAKER_02
We all we.
1
SPEAKER_02
Jennifer, if you re listening, we only know her because of smart water.
1
SPEAKER_01
Right.
1
SPEAKER_01
What about her shampoo commercials?
1
SPEAKER_01
No.
1
SPEAKER_02
She s got wonderful hair.
1
SPEAKER_03
We want you to be on, Jennifer.
1
SPEAKER_03
I mean, I don t, I guess she, I mean, I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_02
So did you say something to her you thought had crossed the line?
1
SPEAKER_03
No, no.
1
SPEAKER_03
In the wings, I had a Brad Pitt lookalike.
1
SPEAKER_03
Oh boy.
1
SPEAKER_03
And so I wanted to tell her about it before, you know, we started filming.
1
SPEAKER_03
So I kind of asked her if I could have a word with her.
1
SPEAKER_03
you know, like a vice principal.
1
SPEAKER_02
No, but someone who looks like Brad Pitt might be expensive.
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, no, I wasn t.
1
SPEAKER_01
How many people look like what?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, but that s how I m scale minus 10.
1
SPEAKER_01
So you pull her aside and you say, is it OK if we try this?
1
SPEAKER_03
And I said, I have a Brad Pitt look alike here.
1
SPEAKER_03
And as soon as I said it, I read her face.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_03
And it was her.
1
SPEAKER_03
I felt so bad.
1
SPEAKER_03
And I don t even know anything about that thing.
1
SPEAKER_03
I mean, I know that was in the things, but the papers.
1
SPEAKER_03
But so I don t know much about it.
1
SPEAKER_03
But so, of course, I called it off.
1
SPEAKER_03
So I went up to the Brad Pitt lookalike to tell him we don t need him.
1
SPEAKER_01
He s wrapped.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_03
And I as a joke, I kind of went.
1
SPEAKER_03
Well, I said, listen, we don t need you.
1
SPEAKER_03
Thanks for coming.
1
SPEAKER_03
And as a joke, I said, do you happen to look like anyone else?
1
SPEAKER_03
And without pausing, he goes, Colin Farrell.
1
SPEAKER_03
So yeah, there s those little...
1
SPEAKER_01
Don t get rid of me yet.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m a chameleon.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, it s a living.
1
SPEAKER_01
And Jennifer is very funny.
1
SPEAKER_01
She s a very funny girl.
1
SPEAKER_01
I think that might be, you know, they come on there to be fun.
1
SPEAKER_02
He says he s reading the papers.
1
SPEAKER_02
You re calling her a girl.
1
SPEAKER_02
It s 2023, guys.
1
SPEAKER_01
Is she funny?
1
SPEAKER_01
I mean, is she a girl?
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, she s great.
1
SPEAKER_01
She be a woman.
1
SPEAKER_01
I guess you call my boy.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m sorry.
1
SPEAKER_01
I say girl a lot.
1
SPEAKER_01
But she is very fun person.
1
SPEAKER_01
I think when they go on, they kind of know what they re getting into and then
1
SPEAKER_01
It probably goes a hair farther than they think.
1
SPEAKER_03
And yeah, I mean, I think the idea is to try to rattle as as much as you can read people and push it.
1
SPEAKER_03
There s been a couple of times that.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I was going to ask about that.
1
SPEAKER_02
But well, has there been times where like, would you do one with Mike Tyson?
1
SPEAKER_02
I thought I.
1
SPEAKER_03
Well, I don t really do them anymore.
1
SPEAKER_01
Sean Penn s scary enough.
1
SPEAKER_02
But you re a fan of Don Rickles, right?
1
SPEAKER_02
Because you did that show.
1
SPEAKER_02
So Don Rickles to me as a kid growing up was the funniest guy on television.
1
SPEAKER_02
Is he here?
1
SPEAKER_02
The reason is because everyone loved him.
1
SPEAKER_02
He d put you down and then he d go, the show s started.
1
SPEAKER_02
Put Ed in the corner.
1
SPEAKER_02
Give him a cookie.
1
SPEAKER_02
He doesn t know.
1
SPEAKER_02
It was so dry and so bizarre.
1
SPEAKER_02
There were no jokes.
1
SPEAKER_02
Do you feel like that was an influence for the character, the fern guy character to ride that line?
1
SPEAKER_02
Because it s funny because you re going right at some sort of truth about them.
1
SPEAKER_02
And if they have a sense of humor about it or a perception of them, they laugh really hard.
1
SPEAKER_02
Right.
1
SPEAKER_03
I mean, part of it, I mean, if you were to really break it down, I guess that they are there are public figures that people kind of want to.
1
SPEAKER_03
unfortunately, jab at anyway.
1
SPEAKER_03
There s some of that to it.
1
SPEAKER_03
And I think at the end of the day, I think it s the media and all the thing.
1
SPEAKER_03
Every people are human.
1
SPEAKER_03
We re all, you know, obviously.
1
SPEAKER_03
And I think people that are willing to make fun of each of themselves.
1
SPEAKER_03
I think that s a real nice attribute to someone, even if it s staged a bit.
1
SPEAKER_03
I think.
1
SPEAKER_03
Being able to laugh at yourself in that kind of way is a nice thing.
1
SPEAKER_03
Now, I ve been asked to do them with other people.
1
SPEAKER_03
presidents of companies and, you know, big Pepsi has asked to sponsor it and, you know, to get blown out of proportion.
1
SPEAKER_03
And I ve always just wanted to keep it free online and keep it clear of.
1
SPEAKER_03
Those other things that get in the way of the monetization, people would come in and go, we ve monetized it a bit, but only only just only in a way that we see fit.
1
SPEAKER_03
I mean, we ve been asked to.
1
SPEAKER_03
I got asked to do a Super Bowl commercial using it.
1
SPEAKER_00
And?
1
SPEAKER_03
It s coming out next week.
1
SPEAKER_02
I can t remember.
1
SPEAKER_02
They got a really good deal.
1
SPEAKER_01
I did a puppy bowl commercial earlier.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m for sale.
1
SPEAKER_02
Church Lady is locked and loaded for a Super Bowl.
1
SPEAKER_01
Go deep!
1
SPEAKER_01
By the way, first of all,
1
SPEAKER_01
I m ready, I m gonna sell out in a second.
1
SPEAKER_01
Zach, I ve done, Dana and I both, obviously, sellout kings here.
1
SPEAKER_01
We ve done- Well, we all are, we all are.
1
SPEAKER_01
We do corporate gigs, and when you do them, they go, our CEO, say something about, by the way, I don t even know if the guy works there, he s like, when you get up there, say, he s got three balls, he beats his wife, do something about that.
1
SPEAKER_01
Just throw it in there, mix it up, throw it in the middle.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then you go, and then you do it, and everyone goes, what?
1
SPEAKER_01
And you go, does this guy work with you?
1
SPEAKER_01
He just told me.
1
SPEAKER_01
So they try to do that, and that s kind of what they want to do to a CEO, like roast them or something, and you go, it s not even funny, it ll probably bomb.
1
SPEAKER_02
Sometimes they re drunk, and I was playing, Earth, Wind & Fire was supposed to, I was opening for them, the CEO got drunk, I was, the CEO got drunk, it went on for like two hours, so I was getting paid a lot of money, they go, you can only do 15 minutes, but I went over a little bit, and I guess Earth and Wind came out, but Fire wouldn t.
1
SPEAKER_02
That was a long way for that joke.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s a good joke.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I don t mind it.
1
SPEAKER_02
Did you really open for them?
1
SPEAKER_02
I did open for them.
1
SPEAKER_02
I open for a lot of people.
1
SPEAKER_02
Tower of Power, Todd Rundgren, you know.
1
SPEAKER_02
I opened for Palmer.
1
SPEAKER_02
Really?
1
SPEAKER_02
I bombed every fucking time.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, Jesus Christ.
1
SPEAKER_02
Your hero will be on in a second, but for first, Dana Glarfoe.
1
SPEAKER_02
They must ve ruined your name when you first started doing stand-up.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh my God, everybody, I mean, jeez.
1
SPEAKER_02
How would they say it?
1
SPEAKER_03
Well, they just tried to make it sound somewhat ethnic.
1
SPEAKER_03
And they re like, give it up for Baclavar Rodriguez.
1
SPEAKER_03
But in high school, I was Zach Galifaganakis, which is... That hurts.
1
SPEAKER_01
I was Daniel Karskis.
1
SPEAKER_01
Now, Zach, Zach, by the way, I m going to come back to that.
1
SPEAKER_01
The first ferns I saw, these ferns are like tall pine trees by now.
1
SPEAKER_01
When I saw the first one, I didn t know what it was.
1
SPEAKER_01
Someone just sent it to me and or said, look at this.
1
SPEAKER_01
And so I thought it was a real interview.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then it was Natalie Portman, who I love.
1
SPEAKER_01
And so I was
1
SPEAKER_01
Uh, of course, in a jealous rage immediately.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then and then you were saying some of you had great jokes.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I won t repeat them because I m not good at that.
1
SPEAKER_01
But but you said so many jokes.
1
SPEAKER_01
And it was so and for her to play along.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I thought it was real for a while.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then I go, Jesus, this is so weird.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then it took me a while to figure it out too long.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then so I started going, oh, this is great.
1
SPEAKER_01
And then when you would do them, you obviously didn t overdo it.
1
SPEAKER_01
You didn t do too many.
1
SPEAKER_01
They weren t super long.
1
SPEAKER_01
It was just a great, great bit that lives out there on the internet, which everyone should see.
1
SPEAKER_01
I don t know where I m going with this.
1
SPEAKER_01
Dana, jump in.
1
SPEAKER_02
Would you like to say anything in your defense, Zach?
1
SPEAKER_03
Speaking of that one, that one we shot in a garage.
1
SPEAKER_03
I think we shot that one in a garage.
1
SPEAKER_03
Right around here, in Hollywood somewhere.
2
SPEAKER_00
The thing about that one is, there s a line in it, not to be vulgar, but it s something about, did you shave your, okay.
2
SPEAKER_00
Can we hear it?
2
SPEAKER_03
She was in B for Vendetta.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then there s a punchline.
2
SPEAKER_00
Did you shave your V for a vagina or something?
2
SPEAKER_00
That one caught me off guard to Natalie Portman in a garage.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_00
In a garage.
2
SPEAKER_00
In a garage with loose tools about.
2
SPEAKER_00
By the way, I barely understand that joke.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like, I know.
2
SPEAKER_00
I think I don t know.
2
SPEAKER_00
It sounds funny.
2
SPEAKER_00
But the fact that I think it s the fact that I m asking.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_00
So anyway, she was if I remember correctly, she was quite good with the whole thing.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then we sent it to her just to, you know, show it to her.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I had asked that joke to be left out of it.
2
SPEAKER_00
I said, can you edit that out?
2
SPEAKER_00
We ll send it to her.
2
SPEAKER_00
And her note was, where s that vagina joke?
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, I love it.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if that was the exact note.
2
SPEAKER_00
Where is the vagina joke?
2
SPEAKER_00
Something like something along those lines.
2
SPEAKER_00
By the way, the dog just went up on the hip meter.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, she s unreal.
2
SPEAKER_03
But did you there s a dog that you keep cutting to, which is even funnier.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, that was I think that was a real dog rolls over his back.
2
SPEAKER_03
And then when something dies or just sits there, then they cut over the dog.
2
SPEAKER_03
All right.
2
SPEAKER_03
So it all works.
2
SPEAKER_03
And then I Sean Penn won.
2
SPEAKER_03
Sean looked very cool in that one.
2
SPEAKER_03
Huh.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, I d be scared of that one.
2
SPEAKER_03
And then, uh, you know, Penkin s.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I had a fight with him.
2
SPEAKER_01
I was in a dress at the time, but, you know, he said me harder.
2
SPEAKER_01
He said, you can hit me harder.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, no problem.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I hit him.
2
SPEAKER_00
I would like to one day talk to him about the one we did.
2
SPEAKER_00
They bring it up because it was it was an interesting it was an interesting day.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, was he truly upset, or was he a great actor?
2
SPEAKER_00
He was very quiet.
2
SPEAKER_00
He s a good actor, or he s a good actor.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I...
2
SPEAKER_00
I think he may have been ready to deck me in real life.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
2
SPEAKER_00
Maybe he was doing a method thing.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I don t.
2
SPEAKER_01
So he he held it so serious that you weren t sure if he was serious.
2
SPEAKER_01
He might have been.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
And and and I have worked with him.
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I m not that I know him, but, you know, he has a good sense of humor.
2
SPEAKER_00
He really does.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
2
SPEAKER_00
huge laugher and it loves to go see stand-up but I in that moment
2
SPEAKER_00
It was odd.
2
SPEAKER_00
I remember watching that.
2
SPEAKER_01
Was it something you, was it a line that you gave him?
2
SPEAKER_03
You said something, weren t you playing your brother or something in that movie?
2
SPEAKER_00
I was playing this overly, well it s not really over the top, there are people like this in the South.
2
SPEAKER_00
Really into him for the wrong reasons type person.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay, and how does that guy talk?
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, it s based on a character I used to do in high school called the, I think his name was, the effeminate racist.
2
SPEAKER_00
I remember that Skittles, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
So it s just a guy that talks like this.
2
SPEAKER_00
And so friends of mine that were black in high school would bump me in the hallway so this character would be released.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I would say to them, my mom told me not to talk to black people.
2
SPEAKER_00
And they would die laughing because they understood at the time that I was mocking it all.
2
SPEAKER_00
You know, so that s where that came from, that was as simple as that.
2
SPEAKER_03
Well, there was something, Dana, where he goes, Sean, and he s doing this, and he s sort of prodding, he goes, did you get into, I d get into Hollywood just so you could go to all the parties and all the wrong reasons that Sean wouldn t want.
2
SPEAKER_03
Sean is very funny, unlike his persona out there, and so I like that he s going along with it, but he was so serious, then he goes,
2
SPEAKER_03
I could walk over there and knock you the fuck out right now.
2
SPEAKER_03
And even I was like, God damn, he gave that a good reading.
2
SPEAKER_01
I think he knew it was funny and interesting.
2
SPEAKER_01
I think he was playing.
2
SPEAKER_00
It was good.
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t think he was offended.
2
SPEAKER_01
I d like to ask him.
2
SPEAKER_01
We haven t spoken since.
2
SPEAKER_01
His kids and my kids went to school together, or at least played sports together up in Northern California.
2
SPEAKER_01
So I ll talk to Sean.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, ask him.
2
SPEAKER_01
Ask him.
2
SPEAKER_01
Can you fix it?
2
SPEAKER_01
Hey, man.
2
SPEAKER_01
I want to smoke.
2
SPEAKER_01
If you could smoke and not get diseases, I would definitely be smoking right now.
2
SPEAKER_01
There s nothing cooler, right?
2
SPEAKER_01
Tell us some more, Zach.
2
SPEAKER_01
Anyway, can we go back to you as a young person, then?
2
SPEAKER_01
You strike me as an introverted extrovert, like you re shy in a way.
2
SPEAKER_01
I think we are, maybe.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, I think I am.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, it doesn t matter.
2
SPEAKER_01
Anyway.
2
SPEAKER_01
But then you have this powerhouse thing that comes out like in high school.
2
SPEAKER_01
Did you go to theater group or are you just funny with friends or what were you like in grade school, high school, just walking around?
2
SPEAKER_00
Just walking around.
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, you know, I think I was somewhat quiet, but I think I mean, humor in my family was
2
SPEAKER_00
seen in very high regard.
2
SPEAKER_00
So my cousins and my brother and my my my family is funny.
2
SPEAKER_00
You know, I kind of watch them even as the quiet person I thought I was or I think I was.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I was kind of this more kind of observant kid that thought maybe one day I could, through my observations, maybe make a thing out of it.
2
SPEAKER_01
And you were thinking that, like, at age 8, 10, 12?
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, but young, young, you got the idea.
2
SPEAKER_01
Maybe you would do this for a living.
2
SPEAKER_00
This is going to sound weird, but it was at my parents  conception of me.
2
SPEAKER_01
Doesn t sound weird at all.
2
SPEAKER_01
My ultrasound, I was killing.
2
SPEAKER_01
My brother Brad, I ve got three older brothers, he swears he remembers being born.
2
SPEAKER_01
And he s serious.
2
SPEAKER_01
Really?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, he has a photographic memory, he just remembers being born.
2
SPEAKER_03
I m not kidding, Brad, the guy at Base Car Thon.
2
SPEAKER_03
But being funny younger really pays off, and I think that s for all of us.
2
SPEAKER_03
Like, at dinner or at school, like I was at a school that was, I was a little bit of a pipsqueak, hard to believe.
2
SPEAKER_03
Always bullied and pushed around.
2
SPEAKER_03
But if you could, I would quietly say jokes to my friends or under my breath.
2
SPEAKER_03
But that kind of if you get a little something, that s all I had.
2
SPEAKER_03
I wasn t super athletic.
2
SPEAKER_03
I was.
2
SPEAKER_03
So if you have some little hook like that, you go, oh, my dad thought it was funny.
2
SPEAKER_03
You know, people think it s funny.
2
SPEAKER_03
And then you go and then you try to maybe that s kind of like that for a lot of comedians.
2
SPEAKER_03
The tall guys didn t have to do anything to get the girls.
2
SPEAKER_01
We on a bio evolutionary level, we had to be funny.
2
SPEAKER_02
Zach, you re not that short.
2
SPEAKER_02
I m around 6 2 .
2
SPEAKER_01
That s a gigantic chair.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s an optical illusion.
2
SPEAKER_01
Same with me.
2
SPEAKER_01
I look like I m a foot shorter than you.
2
SPEAKER_01
Look at this.
2
SPEAKER_01
You want to switch places?
2
SPEAKER_03
No.
2
SPEAKER_03
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_03
I like it up here.
2
SPEAKER_01
So Zach, so you re, did you take theater?
2
SPEAKER_00
Did you go into that kind of stuff or you re just like, no, I, I, I just was not, um, I never did, uh, I did, um, public speaking competitions.
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, I did that once.
2
SPEAKER_00
Um,
2
SPEAKER_00
How s that come say a lot it sounds girl my mom wrote the speech and it was called you and I and tomorrow Yeah, that was the name of Ruth yeah, was it a public service it was a Remember you and I we should do a remake
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, there was a speech contest in North Carolina locally.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then you could go to the state finals.
2
SPEAKER_00
And my brother and I were kind of into it, but never really no theater.
2
SPEAKER_00
None of that.
2
SPEAKER_00
My mom tried to get me to go to the School of the Arts in in North Carolina.
2
SPEAKER_00
She did urge me to go there.
2
SPEAKER_00
She knew that I had I mean, she knew that I was eager to figure it out.
2
SPEAKER_03
What s this school year season?
2
SPEAKER_00
School of the Arts is a really good school in Winston-Salem.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s a nice mom.
2
SPEAKER_00
She was your champion.
2
SPEAKER_00
My mom would be like, he s quiet, but I swear he s funny.
2
SPEAKER_00
I would hear her say that to my aunts and stuff.
2
SPEAKER_01
Did she want you to play piano?
2
SPEAKER_01
Where did you learn to play piano?
2
SPEAKER_00
I learned piano.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t know how to play piano.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t know how to read music.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t know why I was getting ready to tell you
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, I learned piano.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t know piano.
2
SPEAKER_00
You seem pretty good to me.
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, I can I can fake it.
2
SPEAKER_00
But for some reason, only sad music comes out of me.
2
SPEAKER_00
And it goes well with the jokes.
2
SPEAKER_03
You know, didn t you do a VH1 show?
2
SPEAKER_03
And I think you.
2
SPEAKER_03
Why do I think there s a piano at the beginning of that?
2
SPEAKER_00
I did.
2
SPEAKER_00
I had a. I had a talk show on VH1 years ago, and there was the piano was involved during the monologue.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I think that s why I had the show, because I was like a musical act at the time.
3
SPEAKER_01
Was it sort of variety where you could, because you re not, you didn t want to just interview like Johnny Carson, like normal straight interviews, I m sure, right?
3
SPEAKER_00
I was just trying to figure out the format had been beaten to death and I just was trying to figure out like how can I do something different but interesting and sometimes funny.
3
SPEAKER_00
Funny was kind of last but we on that show we would have
3
SPEAKER_00
We would have it make it look like no one wanted to come to the show.
3
SPEAKER_00
So we would have one person in the studio audience, but we would have a laugh track of a six year old.
3
SPEAKER_00
So it was very bizarre.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it was really a weird show.
3
SPEAKER_00
Can we find this somewhere?
3
SPEAKER_00
I know most of those episodes are in my attic.
3
SPEAKER_00
I find a six year old.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s I don t think I don t think they re online.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if they are.
3
SPEAKER_00
I remember what was it called?
3
SPEAKER_00
Do you remember?
3
SPEAKER_00
It was called 60 Minutes.
3
SPEAKER_00
Nope.
3
SPEAKER_00
It was called Late World.
3
SPEAKER_01
Late World?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_02
How old are you when you do Late World?
3
30, 30, 30, 30.
3
SPEAKER_02
So how long had you been?
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know how old I was.
3
SPEAKER_00
I was 35 maybe.
3
SPEAKER_02
I need numbers.
3
SPEAKER_02
How long did you do stand up in clubs before you got that show?
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, I was still doing it.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then that show failed.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I went back to doing open mics.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I had a talk show on VH1.
3
SPEAKER_00
And as soon as it ended, I was like, well, back to the old.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I just went back to the coffee houses and you weren t really making a living than it stand up or just a little bit.
3
SPEAKER_00
There was a time where I could go on the road and, you know, do do make a living.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I was made before I was me.
3
SPEAKER_00
I was making a living for a while on the road.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
And you had an hour.
3
SPEAKER_00
of I had an hour of not sometimes the material was a little bit too bizarre sometimes.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I there was some alienation.
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean, it was funny when you were telling me about I opened for the Sugarhill Gang once and I said a hip hop hippie.
3
SPEAKER_00
OK.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I remember getting kicked off stage.
3
SPEAKER_00
because I made fun of the Bible, and I didn t realize I was performing at a Bible school.
3
SPEAKER_00
And this is how they kicked me off.
3
SPEAKER_00
The woman just came up to the stage, she goes.
3
SPEAKER_00
So, yeah, those, I mean, yeah, all those shows, all those terrible shows.
3
SPEAKER_02
Did you have a Southern accent when you were, and you got rid of it, or did you actually have a little bit of a Southern accent?
3
SPEAKER_00
No, I mean, I m going home in a couple days, and it ll just go back, it turns back on.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s just as a, it s an easier way to.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s North Carolinian?
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean, what is it?
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, not Mississippi.
3
SPEAKER_00
No, it s like Appalachia, North Carolina, Appalachia.
3
SPEAKER_00
And a lot of people speak through their nose there.
3
SPEAKER_00
And it s like, hey, how are you?
3
SPEAKER_00
And but if you go east in North Carolina, it s very breathy and it s really beautiful and it sounds nice.
3
SPEAKER_00
But so there s all kinds of different accents that you must pay attention to.
3
SPEAKER_02
What did you think of Daniel Craig s accent and knives out?
3
SPEAKER_02
Well, I thought.
3
SPEAKER_02
I thought it was kind of cool.
3
SPEAKER_00
I always find Hollywood always does the gong with the wind.
3
SPEAKER_00
I declare I have never seen such a, you know.
3
SPEAKER_00
I think we have a case of murder.
3
SPEAKER_01
I think we got a murder case here.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s a little foghorn, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_02
But I thought it was great.
3
SPEAKER_02
I mean, he s pretty, he s a cool.
3
SPEAKER_01
It just has to be funny or sound weird.
3
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, it s entertaining, but you can go through all the Southern accents.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m pretty I m pretty good with knowing where in the South someone might be from.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m pretty good at it.
3
SPEAKER_00
OK, I did a movie like this.
3
SPEAKER_02
Where am I from?
3
SPEAKER_02
You don t seem to know where you don t know.
3
SPEAKER_02
He doesn t know.
3
SPEAKER_02
You don t know where I m from, Bob.
3
SPEAKER_02
I had a friend, I have a friend from Mississippi, he kind of talks like this, I m from Columbia Falls, Mississippi, sound just like Gomer Powell.
3
SPEAKER_02
That s right.
3
SPEAKER_02
Grew up, and he s a real sincere feller.
3
SPEAKER_02
These snakey fellers trying to get your money, Dana.
3
SPEAKER_01
These are direct quotes, he ll be thrilled he got laughed.
3
SPEAKER_01
Dana, I did a movie where I was playing, they go, you re gonna play a New Hampshire accent, so first of all.
3
SPEAKER_02
Okay, that s a tough one.
3
SPEAKER_01
I feel, and I smell an Oscar immediately.
3
SPEAKER_01
And so I say, they go, go to a dialect coach.
3
SPEAKER_01
So I go to a dialect coach, I m like doing it, and they go, that s a little more Boston.
3
SPEAKER_01
I took two lessons, right?
3
SPEAKER_01
For the whole movie.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I m like, lesson, guy.
3
SPEAKER_01
And they re like, that s more.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I go, I pulled her aside.
3
SPEAKER_01
I go, here s the deal.
3
SPEAKER_01
My audience is four to eight-year-olds, all right?
3
SPEAKER_01
I just have to sound funny, all right?
3
SPEAKER_01
They re not going to go in there with a microscope.
3
SPEAKER_01
They go, oh, if I just don t sound like Joe Dirt in one movie, they ll be happy, all right?
3
SPEAKER_01
They ll go, oh, that one s different.
3
SPEAKER_01
So it was a kids  movie, and they re trying to get you to do New Hampshire?
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, they re not supposed to be kids  movies.
3
SPEAKER_01
They turn you into it.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, funny.
3
SPEAKER_01
Funny.
3
SPEAKER_01
Because you re the star of it.
3
SPEAKER_01
Because all my movies are on TBS because it s the Grown Ups channel and it s just a rotation of every movie.
3
SPEAKER_02
I could have helped you.
3
SPEAKER_02
Do you remember those Petridge Farm commercials?
3
SPEAKER_02
Petridge Farm.
3
SPEAKER_02
Petridge Farm, flaky and delicious.
3
SPEAKER_02
That s the only way I could do New Hampshire.
3
SPEAKER_02
Is that New Hampshire?
3
SPEAKER_01
I didn t recognize it.
3
SPEAKER_02
Petridge Farm, coming different blueberry, strawberry flavors.
3
SPEAKER_02
That s the expert over here.
3
SPEAKER_02
I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_01
Let s take a tour of the South again.
3
SPEAKER_02
Miami!
3
SPEAKER_02
What do they sound like?
3
SPEAKER_01
I m playing Durham.
3
SPEAKER_01
Durham.
3
SPEAKER_01
Is that a city?
3
SPEAKER_00
Durham, North Carolina.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I m excited to playing that, but any trouble?
3
SPEAKER_01
What should I worry about?
3
SPEAKER_00
Uh, that s where my dad s from.
3
SPEAKER_01
Uh, that s where he s, uh... I don t have any comps left, but, um... Normally, it would be easy.
3
SPEAKER_01
I ll get him.
3
SPEAKER_01
Uh, no, I m excited to go there.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s a good city.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s a good city.
3
SPEAKER_01
Very good city.
3
SPEAKER_01
I love the South.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I do, too.
3
SPEAKER_01
I miss it.
3
SPEAKER_01
I was gonna ask Zach something else.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, you were in the... What s... How far did you get in the Scouts?
3
SPEAKER_01
I heard you were in the Scouts.
3
SPEAKER_01
Uh, I was an Eagle Scout.
3
SPEAKER_01
Is that the complimentary molestation?
3
SPEAKER_01
Where s my nose?
3
SPEAKER_01
Where did my notes go?
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, here they are.
3
SPEAKER_01
Here they are.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m kidding, Zach.
3
SPEAKER_01
We re taking that out.
3
SPEAKER_01
No, no, that s fine.
3
SPEAKER_01
We re taking that out.
3
SPEAKER_02
Or we re putting on a loop for promotion.
3
SPEAKER_01
Zach s like, if that was actually written down, I m walking out of here.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, well, let s ask him about... What do you want to ask him?
3
SPEAKER_01
I want to... Well, we can talk about The Hangover for a minute.
3
SPEAKER_01
You were in The Hangover.
3
SPEAKER_01
This is like... This is like... Well, Hangover was like a... You were in The Hangover, and then everyone applauds.
3
SPEAKER_02
That calls... Applaud!
3
SPEAKER_02
Goddamn.
3
SPEAKER_02
They don t know.
3
SPEAKER_02
They don t know.
3
SPEAKER_02
Hangover, of the last 20 years, the two that got me the hardest...
3
SPEAKER_02
as comedies, because I don t really, I see all the strings, Hangover and Tropic Thunder.
3
SPEAKER_02
Those are the two that caught me flat-footed.
3
SPEAKER_02
And you were in which one?
3
SPEAKER_02
I was in... Sorry.
3
SPEAKER_00
I was in the Hangover, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_02
So you go from comedian s comedian, people know you, you re going along, you ve done a special, a live Purple Onion stand-up special, and then Todd Phillips calls, and you go on, what happens next?
3
SPEAKER_01
Are you the first choice for that or do you know?
3
SPEAKER_01
Do you remember?
3
SPEAKER_01
It s a real question.
3
SPEAKER_01
Listen, I ve been a fallout on every movie I ve ever done.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s not a mean question.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s just like, sometimes the movies come together and they go, we got this one would be a good accent.
3
SPEAKER_01
Obviously Zach s great.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s a funny part to play and they let you do, it seems like Todd, who seems like a really funny cool guy, let you do what you do.
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, I think he I think he was doing I think he was going to stand up clubs.
3
SPEAKER_00
I think that s what he had told me.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then that s where he knew me from, because I don t know if I d done much otherwise to be seen on on screen.
3
SPEAKER_00
But.
3
SPEAKER_00
So he asked me to audition.
3
SPEAKER_00
I think I was living in Canada, and I just, I m terrible.
3
SPEAKER_00
I just don t like to audition.
3
SPEAKER_00
I ve always been bad at it.
3
SPEAKER_00
I usually make, I usually get, I mean, I was just, I have so many stories about, we all do, but.
3
SPEAKER_00
Could you tell us one of a really?
3
SPEAKER_00
But there s just so many you know, I just was so Not into the process of it.
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean the first time I ever got a laugh in an audition was when I first auditioned for a drama and
3
SPEAKER_00
And they were laughing at me.
3
SPEAKER_01
Sometimes the problem is if you re a comedian you read things and it feels sort of stiff because you re a bit quirky or character-y and so when you re reading super flat lines that are just written for a generic comedy they ll tweak them later if it s him or somebody but
4
SPEAKER_00
as is it s it s sometimes for your personality maybe it doesn t it s not hilarious when you do it because it s so basic but if you brought your stuff to it then it s funny so maybe he saw if you could bring your weirdness to it then it s great well I think also at that time I was a bit older and I think I was kind of
4
SPEAKER_02
not to be cavalier about it, but I think my attitude was, well, this is probably going to end soon, meaning this pursuit of whatever this is.
4
SPEAKER_02
Oh, I see.
4
SPEAKER_02
I don t really care as much because I ll just kind of try to exit without caring if that makes any sense.
4
SPEAKER_01
So you were that you get the hang of everything and this is pretty much a mic drop.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m out of here.
4
SPEAKER_01
No, meaning I m not going to get this.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m not going to get this job.
4
SPEAKER_02
I will just I think my mindset then was, you know, I tried doing showbiz, you know, at that time.
4
SPEAKER_02
I mean, you know, you kind of beat yourself up sometimes.
4
SPEAKER_02
And I didn t really know what I was doing.
4
SPEAKER_02
And I mean, who does?
4
SPEAKER_02
But but anyway, I flew down from Canada in audition.
4
SPEAKER_02
And I think I remember leaving, getting into my stretch Hummer.
4
SPEAKER_00
So you were doing well.
4
SPEAKER_00
And telling Sugar Ray to scoot over.
4
SPEAKER_02
Oh God, I laugh, but I did a pilot with him 20 years ago.
4
SPEAKER_02
Um, but then I, you know, I got the job and and, you know, then you do the the you show up for work and you start acting in it.
4
SPEAKER_02
And you I remember going to dinner with the other actors with Bradley and I forget the other names at Helms.
4
SPEAKER_02
It s only Bradley who gives a shit about the other guys.
4
SPEAKER_02
Bradley Cooper.
4
SPEAKER_02
Bradley and Ed and I think Ken and we were all at dinner and I said to them, this movie seems good.
4
SPEAKER_02
I ve never had this feeling before.
4
SPEAKER_02
Um, so I, I felt there was a real kind of energy on set there that was, you know, some sometimes that happens and it s not, uh, it doesn t translate to the screen.
4
SPEAKER_02
There s great energy on set.
4
SPEAKER_02
Everybody s like, well, this is, and, but that when Todd is a very good editor and a really good direct, very good director that knows how to steer that stuff.
4
SPEAKER_00
Sure.
4
SPEAKER_00
You sort of need all the components and you can lose it anywhere along the way, but if you do it and you re doing like, maybe you re doing extra takes where you re just trying different jokes and screwing around.
4
SPEAKER_00
Plus, we all remember The Hangover wasn t a huge movie, and it was probably not a big budget.
4
SPEAKER_00
You re not going into it going, oh, I just got The Avengers.
4
SPEAKER_00
It s like, oh, I just got a comedy.
4
SPEAKER_00
It could go away.
4
SPEAKER_00
It could be nothing.
4
SPEAKER_00
But it blows up, obviously, into a huge thing.
4
SPEAKER_00
So it would be probably even scarier to audition for something if you know it s that big.
4
SPEAKER_00
People that are auditioning for the sequel are like, holy shit, this is a huge movie.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I had to audition for the sequel.
4
SPEAKER_00
You did?
4
SPEAKER_00
That s shameful.
4
SPEAKER_00
You re going to read with Brad Cooper in this.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh, that s great.
4
SPEAKER_02
I had this guy come up to me once and he goes, hey, are you an actor?
4
SPEAKER_02
I go, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_02
He goes.
4
SPEAKER_02
Are you the guy from Hangover 2?
4
SPEAKER_02
I don t even know how I answered.
4
SPEAKER_02
I think I just walked away.
4
SPEAKER_00
I didn t know what to... Where s the baby now?
4
SPEAKER_00
You still stay in touch?
4
SPEAKER_00
They didn t, like... Todd... He had a baby!
4
SPEAKER_00
That sounds like Brody, Brody.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God.
4
SPEAKER_00
Brody Stevens is a great comedian.
4
SPEAKER_00
He s very good friends.
4
SPEAKER_00
I was friends with.
4
SPEAKER_00
He toured with me for a while at the very end and passed away.
4
SPEAKER_00
And God, I was just thinking today, because, you know, I knew you were close with Brody.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so I was clicking from your stuff because I don t honestly I don t know who you are.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I was clicking from you.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I m jumping over to Brody s trying to remember all his jokes.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I just saw a clip of him.
4
SPEAKER_00
Classic Brody not bombing but getting so mad at the crowd and it s like we didn t do anything They re just not laughing that much right and he s going arms crossed negative and he was doing all his jokes I day I m dating a girl from Greece the movie she s 75 and
4
SPEAKER_00
You know, I was trying to think of all these jokes he has, Dana.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if you knew him.
4
SPEAKER_00
And everyone, we d stand in the back and laugh.
4
SPEAKER_02
That talk show on VH1 I was talking about earlier, he was the warm-up guy.
4
SPEAKER_02
And I would like peek behind the curtain to see what was going on.
4
SPEAKER_02
And Brody just would be going, Whopper or Big Mac, you make the call.
4
SPEAKER_01
That s actually probably pretty good.
4
SPEAKER_00
I mean, for a warm-up guy, just energy, right?
4
SPEAKER_00
You know what?
4
SPEAKER_00
He did it on our Lights Out show, and I d peek my head at the same thing, and they d go, hey, something s going on up there.
4
SPEAKER_00
And he goes, you re negative, you re negative, you don t deserve David Spade.
4
SPEAKER_00
He was in Police Academy 4.
4
SPEAKER_00
He s from Michigan, and he s not coming out until I give the green light.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I m going, what is why is he yelling at the crowd?
4
SPEAKER_00
And there s the crowd is like nine people, you know.
4
SPEAKER_00
And but he had so many goddamn fucking one of my favorite moments with him.
4
SPEAKER_02
God is it s early on and we were hanging out.
4
SPEAKER_02
We were my apartment in Santa Monica.
4
SPEAKER_02
And Margaret Cho was on television.
4
SPEAKER_02
And we re just watching in silence.
4
SPEAKER_02
I don t mean it like that, but we re just watching it, and after a couple minutes, Brody just yells at the TV, not trying to be funny, she had a sitcom, why come me don t have one?
4
SPEAKER_02
Why come me don t have one?
4
SPEAKER_02
He answered his own question.
4
SPEAKER_00
He goes, I m doing pretty well in show business.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m finally able to take my mom out to lunch and pay for half.
4
SPEAKER_00
Is that it?
4
SPEAKER_00
I m a professional mangler.
4
SPEAKER_00
One more, I am not a member of the Mile High Club, but I did masturbate on the Ferris wheel at the Pomona County Fair.
4
SPEAKER_00
So many jokes, he was so funny.
4
SPEAKER_00
But I m saying him because he was in, I think you put him in one or two things, because he goes.
4
SPEAKER_00
You know me, I m the guy from Hangover, Hangover 2, due date, cut out of Funny People.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I think Todd saw Brody, Todd Phillips saw Brody while I was doing shows at the old Largo.
4
SPEAKER_02
So that s why Brody s in those movies.
4
SPEAKER_02
I didn t have anything to do with it.
4
SPEAKER_02
Oh, OK.
4
SPEAKER_02
If I had something to do with it, he wouldn t have been in any of them.
4
SPEAKER_00
Todd s got a good eye, though.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_02
But I miss him so much.
4
SPEAKER_02
I was missing him so much.
4
SPEAKER_02
David, I may have told you this the other day, but.
4
SPEAKER_02
There wasn t a podcast, so I ll say it again.
4
SPEAKER_02
But I was missing this this guy we re talking about, Brody, and he was known for alienating audiences.
4
SPEAKER_02
That was one of the reason I think comics like his charms perversely is we would all rush out to see him.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_02
Turn audiences away.
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
We had a few of those in San Francisco.
4
SPEAKER_02
And he s bombing in Montreal, who used to have this baseball team and blah, blah, blah.
4
SPEAKER_02
And Brody just looks out at the audience while he s bombing and he yells out, No wonder the Expos left.
4
SPEAKER_00
He was a pitcher at ASU, I think, and he goes, I threw 88 with movement.
4
SPEAKER_00
He would say that in the middle of his act, too.
4
SPEAKER_00
A very funny guy.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t want to read all his jokes.
4
SPEAKER_00
So, Hangover worked out for you?
4
SPEAKER_00
Is that the end of that story?
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
So, this is the first time you re getting actual extra, extra money.
4
SPEAKER_01
Did you buy a Rolls Royce or anything?
4
SPEAKER_01
Overpaid, some say.
4
SPEAKER_01
Did you do anything?
4
SPEAKER_01
What was that like when you first had extra, extra money?
4
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_02
I bought four elephants.
4
SPEAKER_02
Smart.
4
SPEAKER_02
No, I mean, I bought I went I bought a place.
4
SPEAKER_02
I bought a place in North Carolina, a farm.
4
SPEAKER_02
I m not a farm, but a place to try to be a farm nickel.
4
SPEAKER_02
But I don t live there anymore.
4
SPEAKER_02
But yeah, I got that.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then I. You went home and bought them all.
4
SPEAKER_02
Just to show off.
4
SPEAKER_02
I don t remember.
4
SPEAKER_02
I got a lot of fur coats for all my aunts.
4
SPEAKER_01
Everybody gets a fur coat.
4
SPEAKER_01
You like to farm, right?
4
SPEAKER_02
Oh, I mean, my fantasy is to be a farmer one day, but I look, it s that s hard work.
4
SPEAKER_02
It s for some entertainment guy to say that is kind of.
4
SPEAKER_02
But that s what I feel like.
4
SPEAKER_02
Not not farm.
4
SPEAKER_02
It s more gardening, to be honest.
4
SPEAKER_02
OK, but.
5
SPEAKER_01
I have a tractor.
5
SPEAKER_01
I have a tractor.
5
SPEAKER_02
Do you drive it around?
5
SPEAKER_02
No, Dana.
5
SPEAKER_02
It s for my Insta.
5
SPEAKER_02
But gardening, I got it.
5
SPEAKER_00
I have to work with my hands.
5
SPEAKER_00
I masturbate, ladies and gentlemen.
5
SPEAKER_00
You got it.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s Brody again.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh yeah, he goes, I ve been doing porno.
5
SPEAKER_00
I do a one-man scene on a yoga mat in Chatsworth.
5
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
5
SPEAKER_00
Let s talk about Baskets.
5
SPEAKER_00
Baskets was a great show.
5
SPEAKER_00
I don t have to tell this crowd.
5
SPEAKER_00
You don t have to tell this crowd, Jack.
5
SPEAKER_00
They know.
5
SPEAKER_00
Baskets.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s it.
5
SPEAKER_01
You only do cool stuff, it seems to me.
5
SPEAKER_00
I ve done a lot of shit.
5
SPEAKER_00
You do a lot of cool stuff.
5
SPEAKER_00
You do cool stuff.
5
SPEAKER_00
It seems like you do it on your own terms.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like they let you do your thing, which isn t always the case with everyone, and it s sort of the dream for any
5
SPEAKER_00
Comedian, like, let me just do my own thing.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like Curb is always an example of like, that would be fun to do something like that where you could just do your own thing.
5
SPEAKER_00
And it s very, very hard to do those things.
5
SPEAKER_00
I mean, people look at it and go, that s such a great show or baskets.
5
SPEAKER_00
But to write it, cast it well, make it make sense.
5
SPEAKER_00
All that stuff is exhausting.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_02
I mean, there s a lot of thought that goes into it.
5
SPEAKER_02
And sometimes you get lucky and most of the time you get unlucky.
5
SPEAKER_02
But sometimes you get lucky with
5
SPEAKER_02
Things kind of come to place.
5
SPEAKER_02
I mean, I think that show, if I could bore you with it a bit, is a. It we were just trying to be.
5
SPEAKER_02
I had not seen regular people on television portrayed without.
5
SPEAKER_02
I just wanted to ground a comedy.
5
SPEAKER_02
So it s a Hollywood on him with not this.
5
SPEAKER_02
I wanted it to be dusty and I wanted it to be more real than I have seen, especially the comedy world.
5
SPEAKER_02
And I asked John Kreisel, the director of it.
5
SPEAKER_02
Can you can you figure out this this this dusty world I m trying to tell you about in this rodeo clown world?
5
SPEAKER_02
So, you know, we did our research a little bit and started casting and writing it.
5
SPEAKER_02
And yeah, it s a show I m it was so fun to work on and
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, so it was a lot of fun and a lot of work.
5
SPEAKER_02
I was just thinking about Louis Anderson when I was talking about it, and I just heard he died today.
5
SPEAKER_02
He would have fucking laughed.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
5
SPEAKER_01
Oh, he would have loved that.
5
SPEAKER_01
Every comedian laughs at any joke like that.
5
SPEAKER_01
Oh, my God.
5
SPEAKER_01
Louis was... When did that strike you?
5
SPEAKER_01
When did you figure that out?
5
SPEAKER_01
I m going to have Louis play my mom.
5
SPEAKER_01
Louis C.K.
5
SPEAKER_01
and I were talking...
5
SPEAKER_01
All the Louies.
5
SPEAKER_02
Well, there were two Louies in this conversation.
5
SPEAKER_02
Louis C.K.
5
SPEAKER_02
and I were talking about the mother, to cast the mother.
5
SPEAKER_02
And he was asking me what I was thinking about.
5
SPEAKER_02
And I said, well, oh, I d already called this British actress named Brenda Blethen, who I really, really like.
5
SPEAKER_02
But for some reason, that didn t work out.
5
SPEAKER_02
Or she didn t get the email.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s what I think.
5
SPEAKER_02
She didn t get the email.
5
SPEAKER_02
So I was telling Louie, I was kind of imitating the voice.
5
SPEAKER_02
This is a story I ve told many times.
5
SPEAKER_02
And I was doing the voice and he looked at me and he goes, like Louie Anderson s voice?
5
SPEAKER_02
And I said, yeah.
5
SPEAKER_02
And Louie goes, shall we call him?
5
SPEAKER_02
And I went.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_02
And that was it.
5
SPEAKER_02
And that was that was there was this weird Louis had and I didn t know this, but he had been channeling his mom on stage for a long time.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_02
And that was kind of a luck.
5
SPEAKER_02
That was the lucky part about it.
5
SPEAKER_02
But I had.
5
SPEAKER_02
Always loved him.
5
SPEAKER_02
I Loved his vulnerability even even in a standard if you can observe these kind of things It s fun to kind of try to figure out and I thought He can do it but not I don t want it Drag right has to be the first day.
5
SPEAKER_02
They put a lot of makeup on him and I can we get some of that off He s he s the part
5
SPEAKER_02
So just, you know, we put some wonderful costumes on him and the makeup was wonderful.
5
SPEAKER_02
And Louis is, you know, I think when you come from such a background like he did, I think his tenderness came from pain.
5
SPEAKER_01
Mm-hmm.
5
SPEAKER_02
On cue.
5
SPEAKER_02
Jesus.
5
SPEAKER_02
I told my managers, like, if I say something cool... Someone ruin it.
5
SPEAKER_00
Make sure you beep something.
5
SPEAKER_02
If I get choked up talking about Louis, beep it so it breaks up the ice.
5
SPEAKER_02
This is a good audience.
5
SPEAKER_02
But no, I think Louie had this thing in him that was really could throw it out.
5
SPEAKER_01
Heartbreaking pathos in his stand up and a brilliant stand up and storyteller.
5
SPEAKER_02
But on set, I would die laugh at work with you.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s funny every second.
5
SPEAKER_02
Oh, my God.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
God, he just made he just was so great.
5
SPEAKER_00
You probably knew Louie.
5
SPEAKER_00
When I first got to town when I was 20, this is at least eight years ago.
5
SPEAKER_00
I don t know where, I saw Louie somewhere and I didn t know him.
5
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I was in the hallway at the improv, but he was nice.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I was trying to audition at the improv or the comedy store.
5
SPEAKER_00
Those are the big ones to get in.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I was 20 and I had an okay act.
5
SPEAKER_00
I had about, you know, eight minutes.
5
SPEAKER_00
And so he says, why don t you audition for Mitzi?
5
SPEAKER_00
And I go, oh, I don t even know.
5
SPEAKER_00
And he said, I ll bring you down.
5
SPEAKER_00
So I went down there, met him.
5
SPEAKER_00
He went and told Mitzi on their audition night.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I went in the Comedy Store right here, did my set, did OK.
5
SPEAKER_00
Came out on the sidewalk on Sunset and just stood there.
5
SPEAKER_00
And he came out and he goes, she didn t like you.
5
SPEAKER_00
I go, oh.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s tough, man.
5
SPEAKER_01
I auditioned there once, and then you have to go see Mitzi.
5
SPEAKER_01
Did you go over to her table?
5
SPEAKER_00
No, he was a middle man.
5
SPEAKER_00
You just ushered him out?
5
SPEAKER_00
He spared me watching her go.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m sure she would have been rougher about it.
5
SPEAKER_00
He was like, yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
I auditioned, and she said to me, get some puppets.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s not bad advice.
5
SPEAKER_02
I auditioned for her, and nothing happened.
5
SPEAKER_01
Nothing happened.
5
SPEAKER_01
You re in the main room next night.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yep.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, there s nothing else nothing else to ask knows Fiona Apple check.
5
SPEAKER_00
Do you want to do so wait SNL?
5
SPEAKER_00
We had asked about SNL, remember?
5
SPEAKER_00
Okay God damn Danny.
5
SPEAKER_01
I watch both your monologues today.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I d seen them before a big day I m telling I ve been really searching for 11 hours.
5
SPEAKER_01
No, I I
5
SPEAKER_01
Saturday Night Live, 2010, 2011.
5
SPEAKER_01
Hosting both times.
5
SPEAKER_01
And someone today mentioned you and Kenan Thompson s What s Up With That?
5
SPEAKER_01
What s Up With That?
5
SPEAKER_01
And you came out, this guy with this long flute in this weird jumpsuit.
5
SPEAKER_01
And it s very potent.
5
SPEAKER_01
Was that the double-sided flute?
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
Do you guys remember that?
5
SPEAKER_01
The Dexterious Flute?
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
It had no lines, you just came out, played and pranced.
5
SPEAKER_01
I didn t even know that was you, I saw it.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, but it was something very indelible about that.
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, I I remember that it was I still have the I have the jumpsuit.
5
SPEAKER_02
It s in my closet.
5
SPEAKER_02
I usually don t keep any of that stuff, but that I have.
5
SPEAKER_02
It s quite it s comfortable.
5
SPEAKER_02
I wear I wear it a lot in Canada.
5
SPEAKER_02
I m chopping wood.
5
SPEAKER_02
But yeah, that s that was a flute.
5
SPEAKER_02
They I remember they had like a double thing guitar.
5
SPEAKER_02
And I was like, oh, that seems like is there a can you build a flute where that guy does this?
5
SPEAKER_02
And yeah, they did.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_02
That s the great thing about that show is you like it s like, can you maybe get a prop like this?
5
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, sure.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
You can do anything within 24 hours.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
And you did.
5
SPEAKER_00
I read one.
5
SPEAKER_00
Maybe you.
5
SPEAKER_00
Were brought in as a guest writer some of the days that there was a Britney Spears sketch that you pitched an idea with you and Will Ferrell?
5
SPEAKER_01
Ten years before you were brought in as a guest writer or something like that?
5
SPEAKER_02
Well, I thought I was brought in as a cast member.
5
SPEAKER_01
They never tell you what you re brought in as.
6
SPEAKER_03
There was a weekend, I guess I m writing, so I wrote, looking back I feel really bad about it, but not that it was a, there were two sketches that I pitched to her and it was just she and I in this office alone and
6
SPEAKER_03
Britney Spears.
6
SPEAKER_03
The first sketch was.
6
SPEAKER_03
Will Ferrell, we were going to shrink him down to be the bodyguard to her belly button.
6
SPEAKER_03
You love it, love it, right?
6
SPEAKER_03
That sounds that sounds funny.
6
SPEAKER_03
And so that was basically what I said to her.
6
SPEAKER_03
I remember a tumbleweed going through the conversation on my back.
6
SPEAKER_03
I mean, it s not her fault.
6
SPEAKER_03
And then I thought at the time, because she was so kind of pop, pop sugary.
6
SPEAKER_03
I said, look, I think it would be funny if you do a straight interview with something like Entertainment Tonight and you re just answering these banal questions and.
6
SPEAKER_03
Uh, you happen to be bleeding from the mouth.
6
SPEAKER_00
I like that.
6
SPEAKER_00
I like it too.
6
SPEAKER_00
This sounds like a fun dish.
6
SPEAKER_03
That sounds good.
6
SPEAKER_03
I just remember she looked at me.
6
SPEAKER_03
And then I remember looking at the ground and the ground and remember looking back up.
6
SPEAKER_03
But we made eye contact and she goes, yeah, that s funny.
6
SPEAKER_02
Oh, she was nice.
6
SPEAKER_02
She seems very sweet.
6
SPEAKER_03
She was very nice about it.
6
SPEAKER_03
And that s funny.
6
SPEAKER_02
It could have been a great show for her because of blood coming down and trying to.
6
SPEAKER_02
I don t know.
6
SPEAKER_03
I thought maybe it would be kind of a fun thing.
6
SPEAKER_03
But, you know, it didn t work.
6
SPEAKER_03
It didn t work for her.
6
SPEAKER_02
Pop stars shouldn t really bleed on.
6
SPEAKER_02
Rule number 540.
6
SPEAKER_02
So your monologue, I mean, the second one where you stripped your clothes off, you had a little red jumpsuit on and then you had a board with letters on it.
6
SPEAKER_03
Like, well, no, no, it s fine.
6
SPEAKER_03
Well, it s something I had been doing in my stand up.
6
SPEAKER_03
I mean, in my late 30s, I was going around the country with the board and with the board and a little orphan, any dress and dress to.
6
SPEAKER_03
Oh, yeah, I have.
6
SPEAKER_03
That was in your club act.
6
SPEAKER_03
Well, we would my I would at this time I was kind of doing bigger your club act bigger law back and you got your club act and I was doing a Uncle Tampons comedy cave in Tampa I I was doing you know shows and so I had that one under I
6
SPEAKER_03
It was a thing that it was it was something I like doing.
6
SPEAKER_03
And I was trying to be absurdist and somewhat political at the same time back then.
6
SPEAKER_03
And sometimes, you know, the only way I felt like I could pull that off or at least to have a message or two was to do something very weird.
6
SPEAKER_03
And there were a couple of political jokes buried in that.
6
SPEAKER_03
Mm hmm.
6
SPEAKER_03
that and then I would change it from time to time and I actually got someone tried to sue me because of what was on those flip charts years ago.
6
SPEAKER_03
Really?
6
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_03
So I so I would perform as Little Orphan Annie and close out shows.
6
SPEAKER_03
And by the time I had was ready to do Saturday Night Live, I was I mean, I think it was.
6
SPEAKER_03
39 dressed as Little Orphan Annie, you know, around the country.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_03
Like, but this is about, yes, it s dancing in a very active, much too old to be doing.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_03
That was the but they re like, John Hamm did this last week.
6
SPEAKER_01
You re like, what?
6
SPEAKER_01
I ve been sitting on this.
6
SPEAKER_02
I don t even know you.
6
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, that s yeah.
6
SPEAKER_03
Remember that bit.
6
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_03
God, Jesus, it haunts me.
6
SPEAKER_02
Do you remember the first time you met Lorne Michaels?
6
SPEAKER_03
Uh, it doesn t have to be any thoughts about him.
6
SPEAKER_03
Uh, no, I don t remember the first time.
6
SPEAKER_03
I mean, no, I do remember in his office.
6
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_03
In his office.
6
SPEAKER_03
When, you know, when you host, you go in, you go into that awkward meeting thing.
6
SPEAKER_03
That is very fun week.
6
SPEAKER_01
You re excited.
6
SPEAKER_02
You re coming off that hangover heat.
6
SPEAKER_02
The minute you re hot, you feel you re getting yourself getting less hot.
6
SPEAKER_01
Lauren has a lot of when you know you re hot, you re cold.
6
SPEAKER_01
Anyway, let s bring everyone in.
6
SPEAKER_01
They bring everyone in and then they pitch all the ideas and popcorn, right?
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
He has popcorn all day long, like butter.
6
SPEAKER_02
It s unsalted, isn t it?
6
SPEAKER_02
Butter, butter.
6
SPEAKER_02
I ve always liked butter.
6
SPEAKER_02
He s an interesting person.
6
SPEAKER_01
Jiffy Pop.
6
SPEAKER_02
What does he think of everybody s impression?
6
SPEAKER_02
I don t know.
6
SPEAKER_03
He never talks about it.
6
SPEAKER_01
I don t think he knows I m doing one.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s so bad.
6
SPEAKER_01
Dana s is good.
6
SPEAKER_02
He asked me once on an airplane.
6
SPEAKER_02
I ve been doing it for years behind the scenes, but it was too embarrassing to do it in front of him.
6
SPEAKER_02
So he asked me, he said, like, you know, when you do me, like, what do you do?
6
SPEAKER_02
And I balked at that moment.
6
SPEAKER_02
But years later, I was at a restaurant with Lorne and his two assistants and Rob Lowe in Santa Monica.
6
SPEAKER_02
And he said, you know, do it for me.
6
SPEAKER_02
So I started to do it.
6
SPEAKER_02
And I said it was just him at the board on the Wednesday night picking the show.
6
SPEAKER_02
And he would get mad.
6
SPEAKER_02
He d go, I still have no fucking first act.
6
SPEAKER_02
And then you go into the bathroom.
6
SPEAKER_02
And coincidentally, this is a true story.
6
SPEAKER_02
So he s doing that.
6
SPEAKER_02
And then he tells me to tell the Paul McCartney story when I met him at Lorne Michaels  house.
6
SPEAKER_02
So I m doing Paul like this and going on and on like that.
6
SPEAKER_02
Lorne s looking up and going, could be, yes, yes.
6
SPEAKER_02
And I did an impressionist tap out.
6
SPEAKER_02
And it s Paul.
6
SPEAKER_02
And I m going, doo-ba-doo-ba-doo-ba-doo-ba-doo.
6
SPEAKER_01
Oh, Paul was behind you and he knew he was coming in.
6
SPEAKER_02
I get tapped out.
6
SPEAKER_02
Once I had John Travolta, I was on stage in Denver and I m, you know, these guys are going crazy like that.
6
SPEAKER_02
And then tap out, it s John Travolta.
6
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, it s an impressionist tap out.
6
SPEAKER_02
But anyway, Lorne, I think at this point, gets it.
6
SPEAKER_02
Everyone does it.
6
SPEAKER_02
I think he kind of likes it.
6
SPEAKER_02
I believe.
6
SPEAKER_02
Don t you think so?
6
SPEAKER_01
It s funny.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s a compliment.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s funny.
6
SPEAKER_01
It s silly.
6
SPEAKER_02
We all love him.
6
SPEAKER_02
I mean, he s brilliant.
6
SPEAKER_02
Lorne, his isms, his life little things.
6
SPEAKER_02
Marriage is a prison everyone s trying to escape into.
6
SPEAKER_02
great now that s good I mean who and he s got tons of those he talked about funny people were you we re gonna live are you gonna be around funny people because there s like only 900 of us on the planet in any given time and 900 was like the perfect number like really is that about it like 20 in Poland and like 18 and there s only 900 funny people it feels a little heavy for Paul or you he s a little heavy
6
SPEAKER_01
Maybe low teens.
6
SPEAKER_02
So you do The Hangover, you re very successful, you do baskets, you do Saturday Night Live.
6
SPEAKER_01
This is a big summary.
6
SPEAKER_02
Big summary.
6
SPEAKER_02
I have some basic questions for you.
6
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, let s drill them, drill them hard.
6
SPEAKER_02
These are just basic questions.
6
SPEAKER_02
When you give to charity, is it for ego fulfillment or to help people?
6
SPEAKER_01
That s a good one.
6
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, I think I think if you re if people don t know that you ve given that you haven t given.
6
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, finally.
6
SPEAKER_03
Or at least that s the motto of this fucking town.
6
SPEAKER_01
When I do the wire, I call the press people at the exact same time.
6
SPEAKER_01
I go, this wire is not going out without Yahoo News knowing.
6
SPEAKER_01
Let s put us all on one email.
6
SPEAKER_02
The best thing about being famous is.
6
SPEAKER_02
Uh, good table at Soup Plantation.
6
SPEAKER_02
My best feature is... Hangover.
6
SPEAKER_01
Hangover?
6
SPEAKER_03
Did you say hangover?
6
SPEAKER_01
Feature film?
6
SPEAKER_01
No.
6
SPEAKER_02
No, my best feature.
6
SPEAKER_02
Oh.
6
SPEAKER_02
I thought it was like looks.
6
SPEAKER_02
I took it as looks, okay.
6
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
6
SPEAKER_03
Okay, I have good legs.
6
SPEAKER_02
I have nice legs.
6
SPEAKER_02
Would you describe yourself as an empath or a narcissist?
6
SPEAKER_03
There s no middle ground at all.
6
SPEAKER_03
I don t know.
6
SPEAKER_03
I don t even know what either is out of a book today.
6
SPEAKER_03
You know what an empath is?
6
SPEAKER_01
Not really.
6
SPEAKER_03
Empath is empathy.
6
SPEAKER_03
Like you feel feelings.
6
SPEAKER_01
Oh, I do.
6
SPEAKER_01
OK, I m that one.
6
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_01
You are so totally that one.
6
SPEAKER_03
I am.
6
SPEAKER_03
Can I tell you, David said that I was driving here tonight and David, a few years ago, a bunch of people were in the in the green room, green room.
6
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_03
And the wait and we were all just talking about stand up and when where we used to do it.
7
SPEAKER_00
and how we, the old days.
7
SPEAKER_00
And David just goes, when I first started doing stand up as everybody leaves the room.
7
SPEAKER_00
I saw people start to go.
7
SPEAKER_00
It makes me laugh all the time.
7
SPEAKER_00
I think about it all the time.
7
SPEAKER_02
Dude, he was here two weeks ago, and I talked to him for three minutes, and I laughed so hard, I go, I can t even talk to you anymore because I knew we were doing this, and I go, God, he makes me laugh so fucking hard.
7
SPEAKER_02
And then I came over here, because you re one of my favorites, and I start to watch you stand up, and I go, oh, no.
7
SPEAKER_02
And then I had to go after you, and everyone s like, ugh.
7
SPEAKER_02
That s not true.
7
SPEAKER_00
That s weird, because that s a different interpretation of how I felt after that show.
7
SPEAKER_00
Oh, really?
7
SPEAKER_00
Because you handed me my hat like, that was a tough set.
7
SPEAKER_01
Well, I do that to get in your head.
7
SPEAKER_02
He left his hat on stage, so I grabbed it and he was leaving and I went back and some Davy Crocker, and I gave it to him and I was like, hey, fuck that crowd, man.
7
SPEAKER_01
That s a good one.
7
SPEAKER_01
Then they go, huh?
7
SPEAKER_01
That s the worst thing you can hear when you get off.
7
SPEAKER_01
Oh, fuck that crowd.
7
SPEAKER_01
They don t get you.
7
SPEAKER_01
That s the worst.
7
SPEAKER_02
God damn it.
7
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
7
SPEAKER_02
Well, let s let him wrap up.
7
SPEAKER_02
He s been good.
7
SPEAKER_02
He put in his hours.
7
SPEAKER_02
How is ours?
7
SPEAKER_00
How, how, what?
7
SPEAKER_00
So this is a podcast.
7
SPEAKER_02
I don t know.
7
SPEAKER_00
We will, we ll edit it.
7
SPEAKER_00
We ll find six minutes.
7
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
7
SPEAKER_00
I mean, how, like how, what do you sit through it and you edit it and how long are the, how long are they?
7
SPEAKER_00
Seven hours?
7
SPEAKER_02
No, they re usually about an hour ish.
7
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
7
SPEAKER_00
So we just went over an hour.
7
10.
7
SPEAKER_02
Okay.
7
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
7
SPEAKER_01
Are you angling for more money?
7
SPEAKER_01
Are you amazed how disorganized and amateurish we are?
7
SPEAKER_00
Well, I thought there were... No, I actually... The fact that you guys... And I saw you guys get these chairs out of your cars.
7
SPEAKER_00
We re on a budget.
7
SPEAKER_00
Flanny is tight.
7
SPEAKER_02
So I was impressed with that.
7
SPEAKER_00
Very impressed.
7
SPEAKER_02
I like it.
7
SPEAKER_02
I m a little nervous talking to Zach.
7
SPEAKER_02
It s fun.
7
SPEAKER_02
It s great to see you.
7
SPEAKER_02
I don t see you much.
7
SPEAKER_02
Always fun to see you on stuff.
7
SPEAKER_02
And it s great.
7
SPEAKER_02
And no bullshit.
7
SPEAKER_01
We butter our people up, but we re sincere.
7
SPEAKER_01
You know, you re one of the Mount Rushmore and all time comedians of our generation.
7
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, very.
7
SPEAKER_01
Interesting dude, always interesting.
7
SPEAKER_01
I draw a line between you and Will Ferrell only in the sense of the commitment, because Will said, no one will ever out-commit me.
7
SPEAKER_01
But you commit, no one can out-commit you.
7
SPEAKER_00
Well, Will is one of those guys, Jesus, the way he goes in and even does like side bits when you re at work.
7
SPEAKER_00
That man is, I remember when we were working together at the time,
7
SPEAKER_00
It was the terrible, yeah, the news was the terrible Penn State.
7
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
7
SPEAKER_00
And Will s a big sports fan and he was following that stuff.
7
SPEAKER_00
And I, at that time, I was working on getting the statue of, who s Penn State s coach?
7
SPEAKER_00
Paterno.
7
SPEAKER_00
I wanted to put that in Will s yard.
7
SPEAKER_02
I m a big Molester fan, I was following that case too.
7
SPEAKER_01
We re gonna, this is gonna be a very interesting podcast.
7
SPEAKER_01
You re revealing yourself, that s good.
7
SPEAKER_01
Supposed to be authentic.
7
SPEAKER_02
I know, these are all just, I don t know.
7
SPEAKER_02
We re at Largo, it doesn t matter.
7
SPEAKER_00
It s Largo, but no, but thanks.
7
SPEAKER_00
Thanks Zach.
7
SPEAKER_00
Thanks Dana, thanks David.
7
SPEAKER_02
Zach, thank you very much, thanks to the audience.
7
SPEAKER_02
Thank you.
7
SPEAKER_02
Appreciate it.
7
SPEAKER_02
Have a great night.
7
SPEAKER_02
This has been a podcast presentation of Cadence 13.
7
SPEAKER_02
Please listen, then rate, review, and follow all episodes.
7
SPEAKER_02
Available now for free wherever you get your podcast.
7
SPEAKER_01
No joke, folks.
7
SPEAKER_01
Fly on the Wall has been a presentation of Cadence 13, executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Chris Corcoran of Cadence 13, and Charlie Finan of Brillstein Entertainment.
7
SPEAKER_02
The show s lead producer is Greg Holtzman, with production and engineering support from Serena Regan and Chris Basil of Cadence 13.