0
SPEAKER_00
Is this the Gek?
0
SPEAKER_00
Yes, who is this?
0
SPEAKER_00
Uh, we ll just, we ll just, we ll just call me T. T?
0
SPEAKER_01
How old are ya, T?
0
18.
0
SPEAKER_01
Well, what s up, T?
0
SPEAKER_00
Not much, I was just about to, just about to load a bowl.
0
SPEAKER_01
Um, how can I Gek you today, sir?
0
SPEAKER_00
Uh, I kinda got this, uh, I kinda got a really weird story.
0
SPEAKER_00
Um, so, fuck.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s weird.
0
SPEAKER_00
I ve never told anybody this before.
0
SPEAKER_00
Um, so when I was, uh, when I was 15, I, uh, went to this hot springs with my dad and my, like, right as my parents were getting divorced.
0
SPEAKER_00
So he just kind of wanted to like, take us out and do stuff.
0
SPEAKER_00
And, uh, like fucking, we go to this hot springs with my, with my cousins and, uh, my, my female cousin that we have, she s like, she, uh,
0
SPEAKER_00
Like we went with them or whatever and we were like fucking, we were like, you know, it was like a hot spring with like a pool and like a hot tub next to it and all the kids would like go into the fucking pool.
0
SPEAKER_00
And I was still kind of, you know, young and she fucking, she told me I looked hot.
0
SPEAKER_00
And I was so like brought off by that.
0
SPEAKER_00
And like, it took me back a little bit and I just fucking like, I don t know, thought about it for a minute.
0
SPEAKER_00
And fucking like 20 minutes later, she came back up to me and like told me she wanted to, you know, do the deed.
0
SPEAKER_00
And basically, short story, short story, later that night, we, you know, I did the deed.
0
SPEAKER_01
Alright, now, what s your name?
0
SPEAKER_01
T?
0
SPEAKER_01
T, look, look, I m more than happy to have this conversation with you, but I just like human being to human being.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah, like I just really need to ask you if you re messing with her right now because it s like the number one thing that people No, no, no call in to talk about is having sex with her cousin.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s like I don t know why that s like The time it s like the boy who cried cousin fucking like it s the number one thing that people call in To like make up but I m sure there are but and I feel and if I feel bad for the people who actually did
0
SPEAKER_01
fuck their cousins that want to talk about it because of all the people who make, who like make up stories about fucking their cousins.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I don t know if you re, which of those two people you are, but I m going to trust you.
0
SPEAKER_01
Whichever of those two people you say you are.
0
SPEAKER_00
Well, like I, I definitely did not make this story.
0
SPEAKER_00
I feel like I ve regretted it my whole fucking life.
0
SPEAKER_00
Like, like, like, I feel like I just thought like, fuck my whole, like, I feel like I don t necessarily fuck my wife up, but like,
0
SPEAKER_00
kind of fucks my sexual life a little bit.
0
SPEAKER_00
Cause like, it s just, you know, that s like when I, especially like when I listened to, uh, this is kind of weird, but like every time I listened to that one, um, fucking not J Cole, is it J Cole?
0
SPEAKER_00
Uh, that one song where he, you know, he loses his virginity and they like pass the nose through school and like that every fucking time that song comes up on my playlist, that like that instant just fucking pops in my head that my first time was fucking my cousin.
0
SPEAKER_00
I just feel like I m so like, just so fucked.
0
SPEAKER_00
First cousin or second cousin So she s my
0
SPEAKER_00
My dad s first cousin s kid, so I think that makes her my second cousin.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay, so she s not like your dad s brother s daughter.
0
SPEAKER_01
No, no, no, no.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_01
All right.
0
SPEAKER_01
So she was your dad s cousin s daughter.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yep.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_01
And this was three years ago?
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, about four.
0
SPEAKER_00
Well, it happened.
0
SPEAKER_00
I think it happened when my parents got divorced in 2020.
0
SPEAKER_00
So I late 2020 at the end of summer 2020.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_01
All right.
0
SPEAKER_01
I mean, look, you know, I mean, second cousin, I m not gonna I don t think that s I don t think it s good.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m not I m not gonna sign off.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, look, I look what I don t look.
0
SPEAKER_01
Ideally if you re gonna have sex with someone they would not be your cousin but if but second cousin at the least it s at least He s bet is better than first cousin it could be worse Yeah, I did I did I will admit I did wrap it before I tapped it, you know So there wasn t like
0
SPEAKER_00
You know, it wasn t direct skin contact.
0
SPEAKER_00
You know what I m saying?
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_00
But it was there.
0
SPEAKER_01
Can I see you were what you were 14 and 15?
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
How old is she?
0
SPEAKER_00
We re the same age.
0
SPEAKER_00
She s born like a couple months before I am.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_01
Do you ever like do you ever see her?
0
SPEAKER_01
Like family stuff?
0
SPEAKER_00
So she s on my dad s side so and my parents got divorced and I don t I don t see my dad anymore So I don t see her at all.
0
SPEAKER_00
Like I haven t seen her We used to go to the same high school and even every one time I did see her I just fucking turned the hallway.
0
SPEAKER_00
I would avoid her as fast as I could Just you re being a hundred percent serious, right?
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I swear to God
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_01
I believe you.
0
SPEAKER_01
I really do.
0
SPEAKER_01
I, I, I try to, I try not to have, um, this sounds real.
0
SPEAKER_01
Like you, I feel like anyway, whatever you re telling the truth.
0
SPEAKER_01
I believe you.
0
SPEAKER_01
Have you ever told anyone else about this?
0
SPEAKER_00
No, I feel so like I m so shaky right now.
0
SPEAKER_00
Like I, I ve never told anybody this.
0
SPEAKER_00
I like, even when people ask me who my first time was, I just told him I met some girl at hospital.
0
SPEAKER_00
Like I told him, I just met some girl at Hawthorne.
0
SPEAKER_00
It was a random girl I met at Hawthorne.
0
SPEAKER_00
We just hooked up.
0
SPEAKER_01
Was that the first time you ever met her?
0
SPEAKER_00
No, we d known each other for a little while before that.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_01
You ever go to therapy to talk about this?
0
SPEAKER_01
Or you ve literally never talked to anyone about this?
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, no, you re the first kind of therapy I ve brought this up.
0
SPEAKER_00
First time I ve ever gotten it off my chest.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_01
Well, all right.
0
SPEAKER_01
Let s I mean, I have a few questions, but how does it feel to get it off your chest?
0
SPEAKER_00
Better?
0
SPEAKER_00
I think I feel a little little more.
0
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_01
Um, first of all, I mean, look, you re not the first guy to have sex with their second cousin.
0
SPEAKER_01
They do that these that there was a time
0
SPEAKER_01
In America, this is, I m making this up, but I also, I m making this up, but it comes from a place that is, there s a kernel of truth, I think.
0
SPEAKER_01
There was a period of time in human society where more people s sexual partners were their second cousins than not.
0
SPEAKER_00
Right, gotta keep it in the bloodline.
0
SPEAKER_01
I think I don t know if that s true and don t I Don t know It see it sounds like it makes sense though because people didn t used to it But you know when back when people like, you know, they lived in like tribes and stuff like what people would hang out in tribes Ever everyone was having sex with their cousins all the time, you know, right?
0
SPEAKER_01
So you re not the first guy to do that.
0
SPEAKER_01
So, you know Don t do you not to feel that weird?
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, not the first guy in history, I guess, and maybe... I mean, I feel like the, you know, royals used to, you know, like, trade off their cousins and shit, so maybe my ancestors are proud of me or something, but... I don t know.
0
SPEAKER_01
I feel like you re making this up.
0
SPEAKER_01
Are you making this up?
0
SPEAKER_00
No.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay, alright, I believe you.
0
SPEAKER_01
I believe you.
0
SPEAKER_01
I believe you.
0
SPEAKER_01
No, no, no, you don t have to be sorry, I believe you.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I don t know, it s just... I don t know, it s fucking... I feel like I just...
0
SPEAKER_00
I don t know, I feel like I fucked up my first time.
0
SPEAKER_00
Now looking back at it, I wish I just never... I mean, I wish I didn t do a lot of stuff in my life.
0
SPEAKER_00
You can t really be regretful about it, but I did what I did.
0
SPEAKER_01
You re only 18, man.
0
SPEAKER_01
You re too young to have so many crazy regrets.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I don t know.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s just... It feels weird, you know, talking to somebody about it.
0
SPEAKER_01
Tell me why you ve let s get into this real quick I mean what so that tell me why this eats away at you like obviously you know it s not a socially acceptable thing like but but let s really get into it I mean why let s get into your feelings about it and maybe we can find something you know like what tell me more about your feelings about this I mean I don t know I can
1
SPEAKER_00
came up from like a more, I mean, I moved around a lot when I was a kid, but for the most of like my high school years, I lived in like this smaller town.
1
SPEAKER_00
And, you know, like anything like drama related like that, especially if it caught wind, just the slightest, everybody would know, like everybody in the whole fucking town would know what you did.
1
SPEAKER_00
So it d be some of that, but I m not sure.
1
SPEAKER_02
Look man, you know First of all, I mean you were for first of all, I don t I kind of think anything that you did with your life Before anything you did with your life before you I mean you were 14 when this happens Yeah Look unless if you like killed somebody and
1
SPEAKER_02
Kind of anything you did with your life before you were 18 You re fine, you know, I mean Mm-hmm so You know, I think you can you can you can you can get a little you can get it you can get it.
1
SPEAKER_00
I Think you can have a clean slate with this one Yeah Yes, I mean it s kind of not been eating me as much especially because I uh, I moved out of the state that where she lives at and stuff like that
1
SPEAKER_00
And I m like, I m like 600 miles away from her now.
1
SPEAKER_00
And it s not like it s kind of in the back of my mind.
1
SPEAKER_00
But just like, like I said, like, sometimes, like, especially when I m at like work, I have my music in like that.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m pretty sure it s that J. Cole.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m kind of nervous right now.
1
SPEAKER_00
So I m just kind of, my mind s kind of racing a little bit.
1
SPEAKER_00
But I forget what it s called.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, you know what I m talking like that one song where he s like passing notes with his fucking chick or whatever, and he s talking about his first time.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like every single time that song comes up or like anybody talks about their first time having sex it always just like pops in my head It s like damn you fucked up for your first time like you You know that you can never tell anybody about your first time because they re just gonna think you know You re a fucking cousin fucker or something like that What dreams yeah, that s the song I m looking for yeah, well don t you have to listen to J Cole What s that I said you don t have to listen to J Cole I
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, just block J. Cole just to get block J. Cole on Spotify I Guess I should Well listen man, I I don t don t don t let this ruin your life, you know Go ahead, and you will have it you will eventually have sex with people who are not your cousin you will eventually I
1
SPEAKER_00
I ve done other things.
1
SPEAKER_02
That s cool.
1
SPEAKER_02
Whether you did or you didn t, it s fine.
1
SPEAKER_02
You re gonna be fine, T. If you haven t told anyone this, and I m the first person you ve told, I m telling you you re gonna be fine.
1
SPEAKER_02
I m telling you you shouldn t freak out about this, and I m telling you to stop listening to J. Cole.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think I m gonna take that song off my playlist after this call.
1
SPEAKER_02
Take it off the playlist?
1
SPEAKER_02
Why is it still even on there?
1
SPEAKER_02
If you re... If it s making you think... I don t know, I just... I m just gonna say that... Look, I m just gonna say this, T. If I had a song that reminded me of fucking my cousin, I wouldn t have it on my playlist.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, that s probably a good idea.
1
SPEAKER_00
Ugh.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I should probably take that song off my playlist.
1
SPEAKER_02
T, is there any other way that I can help you this evening?
1
SPEAKER_02
Was this helpful?
1
SPEAKER_00
I think this was very helpful.
1
SPEAKER_00
Honestly, I m kind of surprised because I literally saw your live notification and I texted you and I didn t think you were going to call me tonight, which is pretty surprising.
1
SPEAKER_02
Well, here we are.
1
SPEAKER_02
And just here we are, just two guys who are going to be okay.
1
SPEAKER_02
Thank you.
1
SPEAKER_02
Is there anything else you want to say to the people at the computer before we go?
1
SPEAKER_00
Just keep it real and don t fuck your cousin because you ll regret it.
1
SPEAKER_02
All right.
1
SPEAKER_02
Take care, man.
1
SPEAKER_00
You too.
1
SPEAKER_00
I love the show.
1
SPEAKER_00
Thank you.
1
SPEAKER_02
Thanks, brother.
1
SPEAKER_02
Thank you.
1
SPEAKER_00
Have a good one.
1
SPEAKER_02
You too.
1
SPEAKER_02
I lost my virginity to my first girlfriend when I was 18 years old and like six years later she sends me a text and it s a picture of her wearing a therapy gecko t-shirt
1
SPEAKER_02
And she says, my friends found out that I lost my virginity to the therapy gecko.
1
SPEAKER_02
And so they bought me this t-shirt.
1
SPEAKER_02
I hope you re doing well.
1
SPEAKER_02
It was actually very, very kind.
1
SPEAKER_02
Hey folks, this is Lyle.
1
SPEAKER_02
I am very excited to announce that I am going back on tour in 2024 to do Therapy Gecko Live all across the country.
1
SPEAKER_02
If you ve never been to one of my live shows before, they are extremely fun, unpredictable, wild evenings that involve a mix of group gecko therapy sessions as well as some material and presentations from myself.
1
SPEAKER_02
And if you ve been to the show before, I have new presentations and will of course be interviewing new people.
1
SPEAKER_02
If you re a fan of the podcast, you re gonna have a great time at the live show, so I hope to see you guys there.
1
SPEAKER_02
Go to therapygeckotour.com or check the link in the episode description for a full list of cities where tickets are available.
1
SPEAKER_02
Also, if you don t see your city on the list of cities, please still click the link and RSVP with your phone number so I can contact you when tickets go on sale for your city, because I m going to announce a bunch more dates very soon.
1
SPEAKER_02
Geck bless.
1
SPEAKER_01
Hello?
1
SPEAKER_02
Hi, what s your name, sir?
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, this is Mike.
1
SPEAKER_01
Who s this?
1
SPEAKER_02
Uh, it s the gecko guy.
1
SPEAKER_01
Oh, hey man.
1
SPEAKER_02
What s up, Mike?
1
SPEAKER_02
How you doing, buddy?
1
SPEAKER_02
What s going on?
1
SPEAKER_01
Not much, man.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m just, you know, chilling out.
1
SPEAKER_01
Calling in the geck, you know?
1
SPEAKER_01
Well, here we are.
1
SPEAKER_01
Wow, I got nervous.
1
SPEAKER_01
I didn t realize I was gonna get nervous.
1
SPEAKER_02
You know what s funny?
1
SPEAKER_02
I ll tell a story real quick.
1
SPEAKER_02
I used to do this show on Reddit.
1
SPEAKER_02
That s how the show first started.
1
SPEAKER_02
There used to be this thing called the Reddit Public Access Network where people would live stream themselves to Reddit.
1
SPEAKER_02
And if enough people were watching your stream, Reddit would actually put your stream to the front page of Reddit.
1
SPEAKER_02
And so that s kind of how I got started doing this, is like my streams kept getting to the front page of Reddit.
1
SPEAKER_02
And you know, there d be like 40,000 concurrent viewers on my Reddit streams.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I for some reason I just never got nervous.
1
SPEAKER_02
I really like I don t know why I couldn t really like feel the presence of those people and it just might my central nervous system never spiked or anything like that.
1
SPEAKER_02
But, here s what s interesting.
1
SPEAKER_02
Well hold on, here s what s interesting though, is that there occasionally would be other streamers who would do call-in shows, and I remember there was this other streamer, I don t remember what their name was, but I was bored one night, and I was watching this other streamer who had a call-in show, and they maybe had like 15 people watching their stream,
1
SPEAKER_02
But I called in and they picked up and for whatever reason, I got nervous when I was on the phone.
1
SPEAKER_02
It was so weird to me.
1
SPEAKER_02
I was like, why am I nervous calling in to somebody else s stream, but I m totally fine on my own.
1
SPEAKER_02
It didn t make any sense to me.
1
SPEAKER_02
It kind of made me like realize what it was like to be on the other side of the phone.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, man.
1
SPEAKER_01
That is kind of funny.
1
SPEAKER_01
And, uh, I m used to like,
1
SPEAKER_01
You know, I ve like done singing and theater and stuff like that.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I should be used to talking to people live, but you know, when you re on, you know, your hero s phone line, it s pretty cool.
1
SPEAKER_02
I m not, there s no way I m your hero.
1
SPEAKER_01
I have literally, honestly, you know what?
1
SPEAKER_01
I have discovered a new, like interesting path because not only of you, because of other streamers too, like I didn t even realize it was a thing.
1
SPEAKER_01
You know, and here I am, like this old dude, hanging out on the internet, just found Lyle, you know?
1
SPEAKER_02
Well, hold on.
1
SPEAKER_02
So what s this new path that you found as a result of, like, streamers?
1
SPEAKER_01
You know, I was really tired of working for big corporations and stuff like that.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I just, like, went off and did my own business thing because I saw a lot of people
2
SPEAKER_00
just kind of doing their own thing, you know?
2
SPEAKER_00
And now the internet is so cool, you can pretty much do whatever you want.
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, you could always do whatever you wanted to within reason, right?
2
SPEAKER_00
But now it seems like a little bit safer and more fun, you know?
2
SPEAKER_00
And, I don t know, kind of digging your thing.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, tell me what s this, what s this thing that you re doing?
2
SPEAKER_01
What s this biz?
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
I, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m just, I m, I m working on computers, you know, I, uh, I help people with their, uh, with their computers, you know, recovering data, doing, you know, whatever, helping their websites.
2
SPEAKER_00
Just, you know, I do all the discourse.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m a tech guy, you know, so I spend a lot of time doing tech stuff and just, I don t know.
2
SPEAKER_00
Decided one day I was tired of I m tired of doing it for everybody else except for myself, you know Yeah, and like I wanted to do a project for myself.
2
SPEAKER_00
I wanted a new project for myself
2
SPEAKER_01
I like that.
2
SPEAKER_01
I like that.
2
SPEAKER_01
I think, I mean, is that like, I m not a futurologist or an economist or anything, but that seems to me like a utopian world.
2
SPEAKER_01
Like everybody s a freelancer, you know, there s no like nine to five corporate shit.
2
SPEAKER_01
You just kind of work when there needs to be work done, you know?
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
I kind of like that, you know, like we can all kind of be ourselves and, you know,
2
SPEAKER_00
do our thing.
2
SPEAKER_00
By the way, I was at the Syracuse show, dude.
2
SPEAKER_00
And it was so much fun.
2
SPEAKER_00
I didn t, I didn t, I really like, and my wife, you know, she was like a little skeptical, you know, cause I listen, man, I m 50, you know, not, not, and you re pretty young, right?
2
SPEAKER_00
You re like in your twenties, dude.
2
SPEAKER_00
So like, you know, but I get along with, I get a lot of the stuff that you guys are doing.
2
SPEAKER_00
You know, I saw you actually the first time I saw you was,
2
SPEAKER_00
in an interview with a guy from AFN, or you know, at the AVN, the AVN?
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, wait, somebody was interviewing me at AVN?
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
Who was it?
2
SPEAKER_00
Some dude was interviewing you on YouTube on the AVN.
2
SPEAKER_00
I was like, who s this gecko guy?
2
SPEAKER_00
And then I just kind of went down a rabbit hole.
2
SPEAKER_00
Some foreign
2
SPEAKER_00
to meet some porn star or wannabe porn guy, you know?
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_01
So I inspired you to create a computer repair business?
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, it s not a repair business, but yeah, I mean, yeah, yeah, essentially, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, you inspired me, like, you and actually a bunch of other streamers, actually.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if you watch, you know, if you re on Twitch at all, but there s a gamer streamer called Pirate Software, that guy,
2
SPEAKER_00
He s amazing.
2
SPEAKER_00
You know, there s a bunch of guys like you who are out there just, you know, you can cultivate your own internet experience at this point.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s kind of interesting.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
It is cool.
2
SPEAKER_01
I was having this conversation with someone last night.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s like, uh, you can really kind of like do it s you.
2
SPEAKER_01
We live in a universe where it s like easier than ever to do your own thing, you know?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, so yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
So did your wife like the show?
2
SPEAKER_01
Was she not skeptical anymore afterwards?
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
2
SPEAKER_00
Did you like the show, hon?
2
SPEAKER_00
The gecko show, did you like it?
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, she liked it.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay, that s good.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s cool.
2
SPEAKER_01
Because that s my barometer.
2
SPEAKER_01
And people are going to... I ve been talking to so many people who ve happened to be at my live shows on this podcast lately that people are going to think it s plants.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s my real barometer to see if the show is any good or not.
2
SPEAKER_01
If some person whose boyfriend or girlfriend just dragged them there had a good time.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, she had a great time.
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, there were some weird... The people who come on stage are pretty interesting.
2
SPEAKER_00
And that s why I like the show, dude.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s a unique formula.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m interested in streaming too.
2
SPEAKER_00
I ve always been thinking of what the hell can I do in the streaming world?
2
SPEAKER_00
You show pretty much anybody.
2
SPEAKER_00
You can do any fucking thing, really.
2
SPEAKER_00
You can be on the get-go interviewing people, and that s fucking great.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I think you re hilarious, and that s about it.
2
SPEAKER_00
Thanks, man.
2
SPEAKER_01
Thanks for being so nice to me.
2
SPEAKER_01
Enough about me.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m curious about you.
2
SPEAKER_01
So you just turned 50?
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I turned 50 this May, man.
2
SPEAKER_01
So it s interesting, because, I mean, mostly I talk to, I feel like, I d like to think like,
2
SPEAKER_01
Anecdotally, you know, it seems as though we have a wide age range of people You know coming in on this on this on this thing But um, you know when I go and I look at like my analytics and stuff it is me It s mainly like 18 to 30, you know, so what?
2
SPEAKER_01
What s going on at 50?
2
SPEAKER_01
What s happening?
2
SPEAKER_01
How you feeling?
2
SPEAKER_01
How you thinking?
2
SPEAKER_01
How s life?
2
SPEAKER_01
What s what s what can you tell us?
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, dude, you know, it s it s fun, you know, I mean, I m on multi, you know, many depressant medications and, you know, kids, divorce, all the fun stuff.
2
SPEAKER_00
But but, you know, I manage my life.
2
SPEAKER_00
I go with therapy.
2
SPEAKER_00
You know, it s good.
2
SPEAKER_00
You know, people should go to therapy.
2
SPEAKER_00
They should.
2
SPEAKER_00
You know, I think that.
2
SPEAKER_01
So now actually, go ahead.
2
SPEAKER_01
Go ahead and finish.
2
SPEAKER_01
I ll say my I ll save my questions to the end.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, no, no, no.
2
SPEAKER_00
I was just going to say that, you know, I think everybody should, you know, find their own path.
2
SPEAKER_00
But don t, you know, ever stop working on yourself.
2
SPEAKER_00
You know, that s what I do.
2
SPEAKER_01
Um, so I m gonna tell you something.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s a little crazy, but I feel like it s good For I just gonna say it because I think it s only fair to like let people know where I m at sometimes I ve been like fair like I ve been in kind of like a crazy depression For a bit and I have so have you like been depressed for like your whole life?
2
SPEAKER_01
Would you consider yourself like have depression?
2
SPEAKER_00
Yo, yeah, I was diagnosed for sure.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh, yeah, I diagnosed and everything.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, so like I ve been in a crazy depression and I kind of like bro, this is kind of dark, but I thought to myself kind of recently like dude, you know if every day is gonna feel like this for the rest of my life like I don t know if it s
2
SPEAKER_01
like worth it you know what i mean and because like because like i m 20 i m 26 and i i used to have this idea in my mind that like when i turned 30 i would like explode like that actually wouldn t even be like like that like the reality
2
SPEAKER_01
Of me getting older doesn t even exist.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m not I m not saying like I m Saying like it doesn t it s not I don t think about yeah You know, I m curious what your perspective is cuz you re 50 so you ve been dealing with depression for you know twice as long as I have what s What s up?
2
SPEAKER_01
What s your take?
2
SPEAKER_01
What do you what is it?
2
SPEAKER_01
What s your thoughts your feelings?
2
SPEAKER_01
Had you overcome it?
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, man.
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, it s just basically keep it a positive attitude.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s all it s done, dude.
2
SPEAKER_00
Uh, I finally went on.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_00
So, you know, I did go on the meds because it was getting kind of like a little bad where, you know, when you feel those depressive thoughts where, you know, self harm or any of that stuff, dude, you gotta see a doctor or a psychologist and get on some meds, you know, quickly, because that ll help you turn things around.
2
SPEAKER_00
And that s what I did, you know,
2
SPEAKER_00
Um, and I m still learning, you know, every day I just try to stay positive.
2
SPEAKER_00
Uh, you know, take care of myself.
2
SPEAKER_00
I, how much balance do you have between the computer and like touching grass?
2
SPEAKER_01
I m trying.
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, it s hard because I like, you know, what I do is on the computer, but also a lot of what I do is not on the computer, you know, like that show in fucking Syracuse.
2
SPEAKER_01
I am easily, easily happiest when I m in front of, you know, actual human beings.
2
SPEAKER_00
In front of people.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
So I guess, so here, I m curious about this because this is something I ve been talking to a friend a lot about this because the whole like meds and therapy thing, like,
2
SPEAKER_01
I ve been so like when I get really depressed, I kind of think to myself like, okay, I m pretty sure that all of this is due to external like life.
2
SPEAKER_01
You know I mean like like there s something fixed like either like whatever like a you know interpersonal relationships are fucked up or like career stuff is like fucked up or like like you could actually peg it to something external in your life and and I ve tried to like figure this out like is it is is happiness and not being depressed like a symptom of
2
SPEAKER_01
like your literal brain chemistry that like medication can fix or that you know have meditation and perspective can fix
3
SPEAKER_01
Or is it literally like, nah dude, you gotta like, unfuck your actual, like, life and make actual different changes to your life.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I go very back and forth on it because I ve had a lot of, you know, I have a lot of things in my life right now that I think would, um, you know, I at one point really wanted
3
SPEAKER_01
And so if I just shifted my perspective to be more grateful for the things I have, I think I d be happier.
3
SPEAKER_01
But then on another point, I do look at a lot of aspects of my external life, and I m like, yeah, that looks like, like, I m looking at my fucking room right now, and it looks hilarious.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, there s gecko suits straddled upon this underwear in my sink, bro.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, there s, you know, stuff to be fixed here.
3
SPEAKER_00
You got to roll it back though, dude.
3
SPEAKER_00
You got to roll it back.
3
SPEAKER_00
Let s roll it back here.
3
SPEAKER_00
Be realistic.
3
SPEAKER_00
You are a 20 something year old single dude, right?
3
SPEAKER_01
It s true.
3
SPEAKER_00
No one s expecting you not to have your underwear strewn about the house.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay, when I was 27, dude, the underwear was everywhere.
3
SPEAKER_00
So you re good.
3
SPEAKER_00
You re good there.
3
SPEAKER_00
Don t worry about being slob.
3
SPEAKER_01
I meant that to say, and the underwear in my sink is a microcosm of, the underwear in my sink is like a metaphor for just like external things being like fucked up.
3
SPEAKER_01
And so basically what I m getting at is like, I m trying to, basically what I m getting at is simply how to, I m trying to determine how much of my unhappiness is based upon things wrong in my external life or things wrong in my internal brain chemistry and perspective.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I m curious what your take is on that.
3
SPEAKER_00
I honestly think it s like a mix, right?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
I think I ve been using both.
3
SPEAKER_00
I ve been using the CB, what they call the CBT, the cognitive behavioral therapy.
3
SPEAKER_00
and medication and they both work.
3
SPEAKER_00
You know, I got through a divorce.
3
SPEAKER_00
I also, you know, I do things outside, like you, I do things outside of my regular work too, you know, like I ll do, I take, I have a specific thing that I do for exercise that I ll do or, you know, I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_00
I just set up a routine.
3
SPEAKER_00
You know, people and kids, like maybe kids were the one thing that kind of helped me through some of this too, dude.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s like when I had kids and, you know, relate, you know, regular relationships finally, you know, it took a while, but you know, when I finally got there, I was able to, you know, uh, find some more balance in my life by exerting different, you know, taking the energy off me a little bit and putting it up on, you know, my family and my, the, the people who are close to me.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, how old are you used to?
3
SPEAKER_00
I take a more Buddhist approach to life.
3
SPEAKER_00
And now I m taking like a more Buddhist approach to life.
3
SPEAKER_00
You know, I m very, I try to make a giving thing every day.
3
SPEAKER_00
You know, I try to be kind to people, you know, I know the internet is a shit pool of, of, of fun, you know, but you know, I try to be, I try to be nice as possible, but I m also kind of sarcastic.
3
SPEAKER_00
So, you know, the internet is perfect for me.
3
SPEAKER_01
How old were you when you started your family?
3
SPEAKER_00
I was in my 30s.
3
SPEAKER_01
So in your 20s, what were you doing?
3
SPEAKER_01
Were you just bumming around?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I was going to college.
3
SPEAKER_00
I lived in a bunch of places.
3
SPEAKER_00
I lived in Baltimore.
3
SPEAKER_00
I lived in Philly.
3
SPEAKER_00
I lived a bunch of places, just traveling around.
3
SPEAKER_00
I like to travel.
3
SPEAKER_00
go places.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I just, I would, uh, you know, follow girlfriends here and there too.
3
SPEAKER_00
You know, that s the other thing that I haven t been great at is relationships.
3
SPEAKER_00
So, but now like, I feel like I finally made my 50.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m finally like at that point where I can be good at relationships.
3
SPEAKER_01
Why do you think you weren t good at relationships?
3
SPEAKER_00
Uh, I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_00
You know, it s a good question.
3
SPEAKER_00
Uh,
3
SPEAKER_00
Uh, just like early life stuff happened.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know, you know, like everybody has got life stories, you know?
3
SPEAKER_00
So I think that probably my early life would stuff when I was growing up as a teenager and young one kind of impacted my adulthood, you know?
3
SPEAKER_00
But I kind of like late bloomed in college.
3
SPEAKER_00
I didn t even finish until I was like 25 or whatever.
3
SPEAKER_00
Hell man, I just paid off my student loans.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, congratulations.
3
SPEAKER_01
Gee, I mean, congratulations, bro.
3
SPEAKER_00
Congratulations, but also that s fucked up.
3
SPEAKER_00
Only took me 25 years, but hey, what the hell, you know, right?
3
SPEAKER_01
Crazy.
3
SPEAKER_01
What did you major in?
3
SPEAKER_00
I have a two-year degree in radio and television and a business degree.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God, that s crazy that it takes that long.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yep.
3
SPEAKER_00
Well.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, and I was just, you know, I was kind of doing it on my own too, you know, so.
3
SPEAKER_01
How do you feel as though you ve gotten better at relationships?
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, I mean, honestly, the therapy, you know, like talking through things, you know, my therapist has kind of guided me through things as a kind of like a life coach, you know what I mean?
3
SPEAKER_00
So then guiding me through, you know, when I m being an asshole or when I m, you know, doing the right thing or the wrong thing, you know, that s been helpful.
3
SPEAKER_00
So having some guidance, you know.
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, are you, are you, are you happy now?
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, man.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m, I m much happier now.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, absolutely.
3
SPEAKER_00
I have my own boss and you know, I love it.
3
SPEAKER_01
Do you, has your life gotten better every year or is it, has it kind of been like a, uh, like an up and down chart or like, or has it kind of been like, yeah, yeah, it s enough.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s not, it s not like even for me now, man.
3
SPEAKER_01
But does it, does it trend upwards over you over time?
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Sure.
3
SPEAKER_00
Sure.
3
SPEAKER_00
Sure.
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean, listen, you re talking to a bit of a nihilist too.
3
SPEAKER_00
So does it really, I mean,
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if you understand nihilism or not.
3
SPEAKER_00
Nihilism, maybe?
3
SPEAKER_01
That s how you pronounce it.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, nihilist.
3
SPEAKER_01
You re a nihilist.
3
SPEAKER_00
Nihilist, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_01
You re one cheerful-ass nihilist, I gotta tell you.
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, no, but like, yeah, you have to be happy, but, you know, the long and short of it is, does this all really fucking matter?
3
SPEAKER_00
You know?
3
SPEAKER_00
And that s why I think it s kind of funny, you know?
3
SPEAKER_00
That s the funny part about life is like, does this all matter?
3
SPEAKER_00
No.
3
SPEAKER_00
So that s why it s great to be what you want to do and do what you want to do.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like you, Gekman.
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, there s this two- there s this two-panel comic that I see all the time, and it s, um, a guy who s, uh, face-down, shrouded in a cloud of rain, and the caption says, nothing matters.
3
SPEAKER_01
And then, next to it is another guy, and he s smiling, and his hands are up in the air, and he s- he s cheerful, and he goes, nothing matters!
3
SPEAKER_01
And you re- you re the second guy.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I m the second guy, exactly.
3
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, um, Mike, it was really a great pleasure talking to you, man.
3
SPEAKER_01
Um, yeah, I, uh, was there anything in, but it s okay if not, this was a fun conversation, but was there anything in particular that you wanted to get off your chest or talk about before we go?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Uh, I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I just, you know, uh, I don t know, like,
3
SPEAKER_00
You want me to tell you about, like, a little bit about my life?
3
SPEAKER_00
I could, you know.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t want to extend my call.
3
SPEAKER_00
I want to give other people a chance.
3
SPEAKER_00
So, I m gonna just say, uh, you know, people be kind to each other, find a balance in life, and, you know, keep watching, you know, Lyle, because he s awesome.
3
SPEAKER_00
And by the way, the Doja Cat thing was awesome, dude.
3
SPEAKER_00
Thanks, dude.
3
SPEAKER_00
Thanks.
3
SPEAKER_00
That was an epic.
3
SPEAKER_00
Epic.
3
SPEAKER_00
Mike?
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, you get these great guests.
3
SPEAKER_01
You know what, Mike?
3
SPEAKER_01
What s that?
3
SPEAKER_01
You re my fucking hero, alright?
3
SPEAKER_01
No, you re my hero.
3
SPEAKER_00
No, you re my hero.
3
SPEAKER_00
No, you hang up.
3
SPEAKER_00
No, you re my hero.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m hanging up on you.
3
SPEAKER_00
All right, you take care, Mike.
3
SPEAKER_00
Thank you very much, man.
3
SPEAKER_00
Later, bro.
3
SPEAKER_00
Thank you so much.
3
SPEAKER_00
Thanks, man.
3
Bye.
3
SPEAKER_01
What a nice fucking guy.
3
SPEAKER_01
What a nice fucking guy.
3
SPEAKER_01
What a nice fucking guy.
3
SPEAKER_01
I like Mike.
3
SPEAKER_01
What else do I have to say about Mike in this post post call?
3
SPEAKER_01
Recap comments.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m trying to say more about about the calls after they end I m trying to say more about the calls after they end but it s um Because I ve started putting these post call thoughts in the podcast, but it s kind of it always feels like You know when you re trying to leave a voicemail
3
SPEAKER_01
and you like the thing beeps and you panic and you re like I don t fucking know what to say that s how I feel every time
4
SPEAKER_00
time a phone call ends and I m supposed to like give post call thoughts on it is like I don t fucking know what to say I didn t prepare for this I was prepared I only prepared to talk to another person I wasn t prepared to just rant and have it forever be on someone else s phone let alone you know thousands of people s phones on this podcast see I ve gone so far that I don t even this post call thought is not even about
4
SPEAKER_00
Mike anymore.
4
SPEAKER_00
His name was Mike, right?
4
SPEAKER_00
Thank God.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
I looked at the chat.
4
SPEAKER_00
His name was Mike.
4
SPEAKER_00
Mike was a cool guy.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s all I have to say.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s another thing with these post-call thoughts.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m on a roll.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m going to keep going.
4
SPEAKER_00
I had a lot of coffee before this, which is, I don t know.
4
SPEAKER_00
There s a correlation between the amount of coffee that I have and how alert I feel on these podcasts.
4
SPEAKER_00
Whatever.
4
SPEAKER_00
This is we re still going we re putting all this in that we re keeping all of this in all these post call thoughts are going in.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s another thing about post call thoughts is here s all I really have to say about that call is that Mike was a nice guy.
4
SPEAKER_00
I like Mike.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t have a further... Actually, okay, why don t I give an analysis of why I liked Mike.
4
SPEAKER_00
I liked Mike because... Here s why I liked Mike.
4
SPEAKER_00
We re going to analyze it.
4
SPEAKER_00
I liked Mike because he was a gracious conversationalist.
4
SPEAKER_00
He allowed me to talk and responded in a way that really proved that he was listening and paying attention.
4
SPEAKER_00
He was optimistic, positive person.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s the kind of people we want to be around.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s who you want.
4
SPEAKER_00
Life is a fucking war and on your army you want positive, optimistic people who are ready to go into battle.
4
SPEAKER_00
Such as Mike.
4
SPEAKER_00
He was a positive, optimistic guy.
4
SPEAKER_00
He was a good conversationalist.
4
SPEAKER_00
What s the third, final thing?
4
SPEAKER_00
Reason I liked Mike?
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh, Mike gave me hope.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s why I liked Mike.
4
SPEAKER_00
He gave me hope.
4
SPEAKER_00
You know?
4
SPEAKER_00
Because...
4
SPEAKER_00
I meant what I said back there.
4
SPEAKER_00
My life also feels like a very big trend up, trend down, ups and downs things.
4
SPEAKER_00
But here s Mike, 50 years old, going through life, still kicking!
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t know, I imagine after living life year after year after year after year, I imagine it tires on some.
4
SPEAKER_00
You know?
4
SPEAKER_00
And so there is something... Or, like, I imagine that it ll, like, by the time I reach 50, I ll just be, like, so tired.
4
SPEAKER_00
You know?
4
SPEAKER_00
And so when I talk to Mike, I m, like, I m inspired.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m like, alright, maybe I won t be... Maybe I ll still be able to do... to, you know, enjoy life and be kicking and doing stuff.
4
SPEAKER_00
So, I liked Mike.
4
SPEAKER_00
Um... And if this was a voicemail, it d be a very long voicemail.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m done.
4
SPEAKER_00
I ve... I gotta take another call or else this post call thought...
4
SPEAKER_00
is gonna keep going forever.
4
SPEAKER_00
But we re putting all this in the podcast and scene.
4
SPEAKER_00
Hello?
4
SPEAKER_00
Hello.
4
SPEAKER_00
What is your name?
4
SPEAKER_00
Um, you can call me James.
4
SPEAKER_00
James.
4
SPEAKER_00
What s up James?
4
SPEAKER_00
How s life?
4
SPEAKER_00
How can I get you today?
4
SPEAKER_01
Um, not much.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m actually, it s funny, I actually was gonna go watch your podcast right now, actually.
4
SPEAKER_01
Um, but I m like, hey, you re streaming, might as well try calling.
4
SPEAKER_00
TFW, you listen to the podcast, but then you are the podcast.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s basically it, man.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s basically what it is.
4
SPEAKER_00
Um, well, anyway, shit.
4
SPEAKER_00
Uh, what s, where do you, uh, tell me, tell me something, anything at all about life, about you, about me.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s funny because whenever I have an idea of calling you and having an idea of like talking to you,
4
SPEAKER_01
I always have all these ideas to talk about, but never a precise idea, I d say.
4
SPEAKER_01
I d say one issue I m having, I guess, is more like nostalgia.
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t know if you ever have that, like an issue with nostalgia.
4
SPEAKER_01
You have an issue with nostalgia?
4
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_00
Tell me more.
4
SPEAKER_00
What does that mean?
4
SPEAKER_01
So it s like I would say that I let nostalgia kind of dictate
4
SPEAKER_01
some actions I ve done over my life and it kind of ruined some friendships over the years.
4
SPEAKER_01
Interesting.
4
SPEAKER_00
Interesting.
4
SPEAKER_00
Tell me if you want to talk about it.
4
SPEAKER_00
What s the, um, get, let s get an example in here.
4
SPEAKER_00
What s an ex, what s a time where you made a decision based off of nostalgia?
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, I would say like to put it shortly, um, back in eighth grade, I had a girl that I was in love with who was my best friend and I just never told her about it.
4
SPEAKER_01
And so,
4
SPEAKER_01
over the years as like time progressed we became a little distant but also together in a way so like long distance of friendship but not also being too close to being best friends anymore you get me?
4
SPEAKER_01
okay and so like over the years um me and this girl um we ve had mutual friends we had mutual um like people we knew together and so what ended up happening was that as time progressed um we just drifted apart and so
4
SPEAKER_01
around I d say 2020 um we met back up we had um a mutual friend who said hey let s hang out you know let s catch you back up to speed and so to me that was just like amazing oh yeah let s hang out long story short the energy was just like very I would say um not it s more like um intoxicating like there s down the whole
4
SPEAKER_01
feeling was just like, Hey, um, everyone can sense that there s something between us around us.
4
SPEAKER_01
You get me?
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
So here, okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
So here s the, you, why was it, why is this bad?
4
SPEAKER_01
So let me get to that.
4
SPEAKER_01
So my issue was that because of that, like, I didn t realize like how much I was putting myself into this situation.
4
SPEAKER_01
More like me and this person were like, Oh, we re good friends.
4
SPEAKER_01
And we kind of wanted to keep it that way.
4
SPEAKER_01
But like, for me, my nostalgia of just knowing this person for all those years,
4
SPEAKER_01
Kind of came into the idea.
4
SPEAKER_01
Hey, I m in love with you, but I never told her about it.
4
SPEAKER_00
So I didn t know the problem.
4
SPEAKER_00
So what s your name again?
4
SPEAKER_00
James James.
4
SPEAKER_00
So you were okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
And how old are you now?
4
SPEAKER_00
I m 26, actually.
4
SPEAKER_00
I just turned 26.
4
SPEAKER_00
You re 26.
4
SPEAKER_00
OK.
4
SPEAKER_00
And so you met you met a lady in eighth grade that you were in love with.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then you meet up with her years later as a young adult.
4
SPEAKER_00
And when you meet her again, you re you re still the feelings, the passion that you had at that age bubbles back up again.
4
SPEAKER_00
Am I correct?
4
SPEAKER_00
And you decline to tell her that you have these feelings for her.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, and it gets more complicated than that actually.
4
SPEAKER_00
How so?
4
SPEAKER_00
How does it get more complicated?
4
SPEAKER_00
Because a lot of the times things that apparently, because I ll tell you something, James, I ll tell you something.
4
SPEAKER_00
A lot of times things that you think are complicated are kind of not, but what the fuck do I know?
4
SPEAKER_00
Tell me why it gets more complicated.
4
SPEAKER_01
So basically between the time of like eighth grade to like 2020, um,
4
SPEAKER_01
me and her sister actually became really good friends.
4
SPEAKER_01
And so like, even though me and the main person weren t talking as much, me and her sister were becoming really good close friends.
4
SPEAKER_01
And that became complicated because at some point, the main friend was jealous of our friendship and assuming things will happen between us.
4
SPEAKER_01
I said, no, I don t really see her that same way.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I didn t really want to enforce any like kind of relationship kind of stuff like that.
4
SPEAKER_01
So for me, it was like,
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t
4
SPEAKER_01
Triangle here without me having to really get involved with that triangle as much because even I told her sister Hey, I m in love with your looks like my main friend, you know, and I haven t told very funny to me It s very funny to me that um this girl you met in middle school.
4
SPEAKER_00
You are still now as a man in his mid-twenties Courting her as you would a middle schooler Yeah, so yes and no, um, so to put it lightly like
4
SPEAKER_01
As time progressed in 2020, I was dealing with my own emotional stuff.
4
SPEAKER_01
I had a stalker at the time, so I was getting over that.
4
SPEAKER_01
And when me and this person became friends again and re-established our friendship, what ended up happening was that we got really close.
4
SPEAKER_01
But the only issue was that she was dating other people freely on a non-monogamous way.
4
SPEAKER_01
And so I was like, okay.
4
SPEAKER_01
And for me, I was just like, I don t want to intervene with that because I shouldn t really intervene with someone else s happiness like that.
4
SPEAKER_01
Okay, and and I was more like a martyr of myself.
4
SPEAKER_01
I was saying hey well I d rather keep it quiet and just not ruin our friendship even though I am in love with you But that did cause it all so you did tell her you were and so you did tell her you were in love with her No, what ends up happening with that arm as time progresses?
5
SPEAKER_01
We got really close and we did have like one or two like slings, but the minute we wait So you I so you did you guys hooked up?
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, but it wasn t like we want it wasn t like a Like oh, let s do this.
5
SPEAKER_01
It was like a heat of the moment We just like we re hanging out and like, you know, you know, this is like mess around But that wasn t more like for me when I did that I felt like oh my nostalgia filter just fucking left That whole thing just fucking dipped out and I was like, oh
5
SPEAKER_01
I see the issue here.
5
SPEAKER_01
And it was like, oh, my nostalgia was just like, oh, here s my filter.
5
SPEAKER_01
And it felt like, oh, this, this, yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
Look, I m, I m, I m only telling you this and I might be wrong and I might not have any nuance.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m just only telling you this as you know, with the information you ve provided me as a completely outsider perspective, who s thought about your issue for a good, you know, five minutes that you ve been telling it to me.
5
SPEAKER_00
But, um, why is this?
5
SPEAKER_00
I still don t understand why this is so complicated.
5
SPEAKER_01
So it s complicated because, um, long story short, as we got further along, like I said, you know what, let s not have sex anymore.
5
SPEAKER_01
I don t want to do this anymore.
5
SPEAKER_01
I m done.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I just didn t feel comfortable.
5
SPEAKER_01
However, I still felt like I was in love with her, but that just made more issues towards it along the line with the whole, um, kind of like her sister was like jealous of that.
5
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_00
All right.
5
SPEAKER_00
I m going to ask you, I m going to ask you a few questions to decomplicate things.
5
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_00
James.
5
SPEAKER_00
Does this woman live in the same location as you?
5
SPEAKER_01
Well, same city, yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
That would be the same location, yes.
5
SPEAKER_00
Okay, is she in a relationship?
5
SPEAKER_00
As of right now, I don t know.
5
SPEAKER_00
Okay, are you in a relationship?
5
SPEAKER_00
I m not.
5
SPEAKER_00
Do you like her?
5
SPEAKER_00
I do, but we re no longer friends.
5
SPEAKER_00
Would it make you happy to be in a relationship with her?
5
SPEAKER_01
It would, honestly.
5
SPEAKER_00
Have you told her that?
5
SPEAKER_00
I haven t, and it s hard to do so.
5
SPEAKER_00
Why is it hard to do so?
5
SPEAKER_01
Basically, when I cut things off of her, she started dating someone.
5
SPEAKER_01
And she told the guy that me and her had a fling here and then.
5
SPEAKER_01
And he became very jealous about that and kind of cut her off from hanging out with me or being friends with me in general.
5
SPEAKER_01
And so that caused a whole rift of our friendship and kind of broke things off between us.
5
SPEAKER_01
I haven t talked to her for over a year at this point.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh, you haven t talked to her for over a year.
5
SPEAKER_00
Mm hmm.
5
SPEAKER_00
OK, so your relationship with her has sort of do you or do you believe that you are both are on or do you believe that you are on bad terms with this woman?
5
SPEAKER_00
I do.
5
SPEAKER_00
Do you believe she would be reciprocal to you reaching out and attempting to talk to her?
5
SPEAKER_01
It s funny because for her birthday, I don t know what came over me, but I gave her like a happy birthday and like a bit of an apology for how things went off between me and her.
5
SPEAKER_01
And she just never replied back.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I was like, okay, okay.
5
SPEAKER_00
All right.
5
SPEAKER_00
So it sounds as though you, you, um, reached, uh, you know, out and your reach out was, was, was not reciprocated.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I said, you know what, I think I should just move on from that.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I kind of just, again, like, it s not like I I m hung up over it.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s more like.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s just one of those things that comes back to my back of my mind.
5
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_01
And kind of bothers me a little bit on how things went off with that.
5
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_01
Um, but I was, but it s more like, you know what, it s better to move on than having to just like James, you are severe.
5
SPEAKER_00
I, and I don t know if I know what I m talking about here and maybe I don t, but you re severely overcomplicating this.
5
SPEAKER_00
I am sorry.
5
SPEAKER_00
So no, I don t, you don t have to apologize.
5
SPEAKER_00
No, no, you don t have to apologize.
5
SPEAKER_00
Really, you don t.
5
SPEAKER_00
Sometimes I think just talking stuff out makes you realize you overcomplicate it.
5
SPEAKER_00
To me, the point is you reached out to this girl, you know, to try to kind of, it sounds to try to kind of rekindle the relationship, but she was not reciprocal to that.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, and at that point You know you you take it you take it and you you move on you know it is But so much easier said than done dear Lord.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh, yeah, of course so much easier said than done I don t want to pretend like it s that easy.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s fucking not It s not at all I
5
SPEAKER_00
And you know what, I ve been being a dick to you this whole call.
5
SPEAKER_00
Things do get complicated.
5
SPEAKER_00
Things do, but here s what I ve been, hold on, hold on.
5
SPEAKER_00
Because things do, and I m saying this because things do get complicated, right?
5
SPEAKER_00
But they also kind of aren t when you zoom out, you know?
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, of course.
5
SPEAKER_00
So, you know, anyway.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s what are you doing now?
5
SPEAKER_00
Are you are you tindering?
5
SPEAKER_00
Are you what are you doing?
5
SPEAKER_00
Are you going out on the town?
5
SPEAKER_01
Ah Well right now I m trying to like go out there more and like kind of date around but like I m kind of also like hey, I m cool with just being single Well wonderful, I m just cool with just being thankful.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, cuz it s like after all this shit I went through all that I was like, I m kind of cool being single but you know the back of your mind just like eats at you at what you did and
5
SPEAKER_01
or what you went through.
5
SPEAKER_01
And it s like, fuck, I kind of want to move on from that.
5
SPEAKER_01
But it still kind of comes back and hits you a little bit.
5
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_00
Well, now we re just see now this isn t complicated at all.
5
SPEAKER_00
This is just um,
5
SPEAKER_00
the question of how do you move?
5
SPEAKER_00
How do you get over someone?
5
SPEAKER_01
Which, um, is normally you always ask the people who are on the phone, like they have therapy and I had taken therapy over it.
5
SPEAKER_01
And at some point me and my, well, she was like, well, it s better to just move on from it.
5
SPEAKER_01
And I have, and honestly, it s been, again, since like I texted her a while ago, like I got a year ago, I just kind of moved on from it a little more, but it s still, again, little things will come up and I m like, oh, well,
5
SPEAKER_01
I kind of miss that person, but also like, well, it s better to be moved on than having to like have that nostalgia of this friendship in general kind of stay with you.
5
SPEAKER_00
Life s fucking crazy, James.
5
SPEAKER_00
Life s fucking crazy.
5
SPEAKER_00
And ideally, everything would work out, right?
5
SPEAKER_00
And you d be like one of those, uh, you know, couples on the Instagram who, you know, they found each other and they got married and everything was beautiful.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh God, I hope not.
5
SPEAKER_00
Right?
5
SPEAKER_00
That s what, that would be sick.
5
SPEAKER_00
But life s fucking crazy, man.
5
SPEAKER_00
I don t know what to tell you.
5
SPEAKER_00
It really is.
5
SPEAKER_00
It really is.
5
SPEAKER_00
Can I ask you a question?
5
SPEAKER_00
You can ask me a question.
5
SPEAKER_01
I know this is a little personal, but have you ever fully fell in love?
5
Oh, man.
5
SPEAKER_01
You can say- no, you can say whatever dude, it s fine.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s cool, man.
5
SPEAKER_00
my like life and stuff but I don t I don t like doing it if it in ways that like involve other people so I m not gonna answer that question of course yeah it s fine no it s cool dude it s fine I don t want to push your buttons on that one I m sorry I mean yeah yeah definitely yeah um but life s fucking life s fucking crazy and um some things you know
5
SPEAKER_00
So, uh, it d be great if everything worked out amazingly forever all the time.
5
SPEAKER_00
Um, and I think when it doesn t, you have this like idea that for everyone else, it s working out amazingly beautiful forever all the time.
5
SPEAKER_00
Um, and for you, it s not, but that s not true.
5
SPEAKER_00
So I don t know.
5
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
5
SPEAKER_00
I wish I had anything better to tell you than, uh, keep on keeping on, but that s really the sauce.
5
SPEAKER_00
Mm-hmm.
5
SPEAKER_01
No, of course.
5
SPEAKER_01
Um, one last question for you guys.
5
SPEAKER_01
I had this in mind for a while back.
5
SPEAKER_01
Um, if you can time travel, what would you go to?
5
SPEAKER_00
If I could time travel?
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
I d stay right the fuck.
5
SPEAKER_00
Actually, I d probably, I would actually, I would probably just use it to make money.
5
SPEAKER_00
I would just go into the future and like, see how much Bitcoin s worth or whatever and do that.
5
SPEAKER_01
Would it even be worth anything by then?
5
SPEAKER_01
I feel like crypto would die off by then.
5
SPEAKER_00
Well, that s why I would go in there.
5
SPEAKER_00
I would figure out, I would use, I would go into, you know how people did it, go into the future, like predict the lottery numbers and stuff.
5
SPEAKER_00
I would do something like that.
5
SPEAKER_00
I don t care about like, I don t want to know, I don t want to, I don t want to know stuff about the future, you know, other than that.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I don t want to go back in time because what am I going to do there, you know, except
6
SPEAKER_00
fuck everything up by killing a butterfly or an ant.
6
SPEAKER_00
I mean, you re not wrong.
6
SPEAKER_00
I would say, like, it s harder to think about going into the future without fucking things up too, but also the past as well.
6
SPEAKER_00
Well, James, listen.
6
SPEAKER_00
Take solace in this.
6
SPEAKER_00
No matter what happens to you in your love life, you can always sit in a dark room and jack off.
6
SPEAKER_00
That s something that nobody will ever be able to take away from you.
6
SPEAKER_00
And I hope you take solace in that.
6
SPEAKER_00
You re not wrong, man.
6
SPEAKER_00
I ll do one for you, bro.
6
SPEAKER_00
I got you.
6
SPEAKER_00
I mean, you can do I was gonna say don t do one for me.
6
SPEAKER_00
But if you really want if you I mean, I can t stop I cannot legally stop you from thinking about me while you jerk off and I wouldn t want that power because your thoughts
6
SPEAKER_00
or a sacred place that no person or government or entity should, um, you know, be able to interfere with.
6
SPEAKER_00
So, you know, it is your God-given right to think about whatever and whoever when you jack off.
6
SPEAKER_00
So go do that, James.
6
SPEAKER_00
Uh, God bless you, and, uh, I ll see you around the universe.
6
SPEAKER_00
No problem, Jack.
6
SPEAKER_00
Have a good one.
6
SPEAKER_00
Take care.
6
SPEAKER_00
He said he s gonna do it for me.
6
SPEAKER_00
Just, he just comes and he s like, FOR THE GECKO!
6
SPEAKER_00
But he s not really an expert.