0
SPEAKER_00
I feel like everyone falls into one of two categories.
0
SPEAKER_00
Category number one, mysterious, unknown.
0
SPEAKER_00
Category number two, super open, super honest, super vulnerable.
0
SPEAKER_00
Obviously there are different levels to these personality traits, but I feel like almost everyone falls into one of the two of those categories.
0
SPEAKER_00
I personally fall into the category of being super open, super honest, super vulnerable.
0
SPEAKER_00
That s me.
0
SPEAKER_00
And I ve learned to appreciate this personality trait.
0
SPEAKER_00
I ve learned to see it as a positive thing.
0
SPEAKER_00
But because I m living this personality trait, I m very, very aware of the challenges that come with it.
0
SPEAKER_00
For example, I m prone to oversharing, especially when I consume alcohol.
0
SPEAKER_00
My last episode was entirely about this.
0
SPEAKER_00
The episode is called Am I Oversharing?
0
SPEAKER_00
Go check it out if you want.
0
SPEAKER_00
Through the years, I ve gotten better about making this personality trait a positive thing for me because for a long time, I think
0
SPEAKER_00
this trait manifested in me oversharing.
0
SPEAKER_00
And subconsciously over time, it s gotten much better and I ve been able to sort of control it so that its impact is more positive.
0
SPEAKER_00
for myself and for the people around me, though I still occasionally overshare.
0
SPEAKER_00
And even though I have a good relationship with this personality trait, I still wish sometimes that I was mysterious.
0
SPEAKER_00
I wish I was that type of person.
0
SPEAKER_00
And it s one of those things where it s like the grass is always greener.
0
SPEAKER_00
You know, there are probably a lot of people who are more mysterious by nature who wish that they were more open and honest and vulnerable.
0
SPEAKER_00
There are a lot of challenges that come with being mysterious as well.
0
SPEAKER_00
But I m not as aware of those because I m not mysterious.
0
SPEAKER_00
I could not be less of a mysterious person.
0
SPEAKER_00
But I think what makes me wish I was mysterious was the overall vibe that mysterious people put out.
0
SPEAKER_00
Mysterious people tend to seem cooler.
0
SPEAKER_00
And I think the reason for that is that you re able to sort of project your ideas of what they might be onto them because they re not giving you that answer.
0
SPEAKER_00
Somebody who s super open and honest is literally telling you and showing you exactly who they are.
0
SPEAKER_00
So you don t have the space to imagine what they are.
0
SPEAKER_00
They re giving it to you.
0
SPEAKER_00
People who are mysterious are somewhat of a blank canvas.
0
SPEAKER_00
They re not giving you a lot of information about themselves, so you can paint a picture of who they are.
0
SPEAKER_00
And a lot of times, the picture that you re going to paint is going to be
0
SPEAKER_00
way cooler than they probably really are.
0
SPEAKER_00
So I think mysterious people are able to create the illusion that they re cooler much easier because they re giving you the opportunity to fill in those blanks.
0
SPEAKER_00
On top of that, mysterious people are protected and safe in a way that I somewhat envy.
0
SPEAKER_00
I love being open and honest and vulnerable because it allows me to connect with other people and feel close to other people and make other people feel comfortable and create more friendships and create more relationships.
0
SPEAKER_00
But at the same time, I sometimes find myself really overwhelmed by the fact that, wow, everyone knows a lot about me, you know?
0
SPEAKER_00
So many people know a lot about me, you know, in real life and online.
0
SPEAKER_00
I am not a mystery.
0
SPEAKER_00
Everyone knows who I am and everyone knows a lot of intimate details about me and my life.
0
SPEAKER_00
So I have moments where I feel super exposed and I m like stressed out and overwhelmed by the fact that there s almost no information that s completely just mine.
0
SPEAKER_00
Everyone knows so much about me.
0
SPEAKER_00
Mysterious people are the opposite.
0
SPEAKER_00
They keep all of their information close to heart and they never find themselves in a place where they re like, oh my God, everyone knows so much about me.
0
SPEAKER_00
They don t have that crisis and I envy that when I m in a moment of crisis.
0
SPEAKER_00
I also envy mysterious people because they re sort of addicting.
0
SPEAKER_00
Let me explain.
0
SPEAKER_00
And you might disagree, but in my experience, mysterious people are addicting because you constantly are trying to figure out who they are.
0
SPEAKER_00
You re constantly trying to crack them, figure out what s inside because you have your ideas about who they are, but you still have this desire to figure them out.
0
SPEAKER_00
And
0
SPEAKER_00
They re like a puzzle that you can t solve.
0
SPEAKER_00
So you never get bored.
0
SPEAKER_00
I mean, eventually you might get bored, but there s something so intriguing and captivating about a mysterious person because they are an unsolvable puzzle and that effect that they have on people is so
0
SPEAKER_00
enviable to me sometimes because I m like, oh my god, nobody is ever laying awake at night staring at the ceiling being like, oh, I just need to figure her out.
0
SPEAKER_00
No one has to figure me out.
0
SPEAKER_00
I m giving all the information you could ever want on a silver platter.
0
SPEAKER_00
You don t have to read between the lines to be like, is she seriously really sensitive in there?
0
SPEAKER_00
No, you already know how sensitive I am, how I think about the world, my opinions on everything.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s all out there.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s all out there.
0
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if that makes people bored of me, but I think people are less obsessed with trying to figure me out.
0
SPEAKER_00
So all of that to say, I.
0
SPEAKER_00
envy mysterious people a little bit.
0
SPEAKER_00
And every once in a while, I have a thought where I m like, should I work on being more mysterious?
0
SPEAKER_00
Would that benefit me in some way?
0
SPEAKER_00
And as I ve been thinking recently about this open, vulnerable, honest side of my personality, this has come back up for me.
0
SPEAKER_00
And so today, I wanted to sort of figure out whether or not I should try to be more mysterious.
0
SPEAKER_00
Listen, spoiler alert, I don t think it s gonna happen.
0
SPEAKER_00
Let s go down the rabbit hole anyway and see what we find.
0
SPEAKER_00
Let s discuss the reality of being mysterious.
0
SPEAKER_00
Because when I look at people who are mysterious, I have rose-colored glasses on, I see it as such a cool, hot lifestyle.
0
SPEAKER_00
But I ve yet to sort of read between the lines and really think about what it would be like to be a mysterious person.
0
SPEAKER_00
And so we need to investigate.
0
SPEAKER_00
We ve already touched on this, but because people don t know a lot about mysterious people, people are forced to fill in the gaps to try to figure out who the mysterious person really is.
0
SPEAKER_00
And I think that this can be a good thing in the beginning of a friendship or a relationship because the person who s experiencing the mysterious person
0
SPEAKER_00
is using their imagination to figure out who the mysterious person is.
0
SPEAKER_00
And they re probably filling in the gaps in a much more flattering way than reality would provide.
0
SPEAKER_00
So I think in a lot of ways, being mysterious is attractive.
0
SPEAKER_00
Now, is it attractive in a way that s rooted in reality?
0
SPEAKER_00
No, but it s getting someone in the door.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s getting someone interested in you.
0
SPEAKER_00
And arguably, that s a good thing.
0
SPEAKER_00
whether or not it s rooted in reality because hopefully people get to know you and then they re like, oh my God, you were so mysterious and cool in the beginning, but now that I ve started to see the real you, I really actually like you.
0
SPEAKER_00
So that could be a good thing.
0
SPEAKER_00
I will say, when it comes to dating, I love a mysterious guy.
0
SPEAKER_00
And my irrational brain, the irrational side of my brain, tends to be the one who s the most active during dating.
0
SPEAKER_00
There s just something hot about somebody who s mysterious to me.
0
SPEAKER_00
I love being able to project my idea of the perfect guy onto this mysterious man, who maybe is hot to me, you know, physically.
0
SPEAKER_00
not the healthiest method of dating.
0
SPEAKER_00
Deep down the rational side of my brain knows this is all a silly little illusion, but the irrational side of my brain is louder and I tend to choose mysterious guys.
0
SPEAKER_00
I also think that mysterious people get thought about more.
0
SPEAKER_00
And the more that you think about somebody, the more that you sort of care about them.
0
SPEAKER_00
So I feel like mysterious people can really infect the minds of people in a way that makes them more infectious at times.
0
SPEAKER_00
And again, that can be good for building a social circle.
0
SPEAKER_00
When you re constantly on people s minds, because they re trying to figure you out, chances are they re going to want to hang out with you more, be around you more, because they re trying to figure you out.
0
SPEAKER_00
Or they ve projected this idea of what they want you to be onto you, and then they want to be around that person.
0
SPEAKER_00
That may not even necessarily be real, but again, who cares?
0
SPEAKER_00
Because it s helpful, I guess, in social situations for the mysterious person, regardless of if it s rooted in reality or not.
1
SPEAKER_00
Now, people not fully knowing you can very quickly turn sour.
1
SPEAKER_00
It can be bad when the illusion of mystery wears off and the mysterious person becomes a bit more vulnerable, a bit more themselves, and they may not live up to the expectation or the illusion that people had about them.
1
SPEAKER_00
Now, expectations and illusions about others are usually not accurate.
1
SPEAKER_00
They re almost never accurate, actually.
1
SPEAKER_00
I can t name one time I ve ever expected somebody to be a certain way, and then they ve been that.
1
SPEAKER_00
And a lot of times people can still be great, but they re not what you thought.
1
SPEAKER_00
So, you know, it can be disappointing even if the person that you were making up illusions about is still great in a lot of ways.
1
SPEAKER_00
They just might not be what you imagined and that can be disappointing.
1
SPEAKER_00
Whereas if you would have seen who the person really was from the beginning, you would have been like, oh,
1
SPEAKER_00
I like this person for what they re showing me right now.
1
SPEAKER_00
And you wouldn t have had the space to make up an idea of who they are.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so maybe it would be easier to accept them for who they really are from the beginning, from the get-go, because there s no jarring shift in identity.
1
SPEAKER_00
Mysterious people protect themselves from vulnerability.
1
SPEAKER_00
This can be good because mysterious people can protect the soft sides of themselves and only share those sides of themselves with people who really have earned it.
1
SPEAKER_00
Whereas somebody who s more open and honest and whatever, they re just sharing it with everyone.
1
SPEAKER_00
They re not protecting it for themselves.
1
SPEAKER_00
A mysterious person s default is to hold that all inside, protect that all inside.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so they have to make a conscious effort to share a vulnerable side of themselves with people.
1
SPEAKER_00
And naturally, they re just going to be more selective with who they share that side of themselves with.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I think in some ways that s a superpower, you know, naturally being inclined to be more selective about who you re vulnerable with.
1
SPEAKER_00
I see value in that.
1
SPEAKER_00
I kind of envy that.
1
SPEAKER_00
I also think being a mysterious person attracts more surface level conversations.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know, somebody who s super open and honest and vulnerable are probably gonna have more open and honest and vulnerable conversations.
1
SPEAKER_00
Somebody who s more mysterious is not gonna invite those type of conversations.
1
SPEAKER_00
And if you re someone who doesn t like to be vulnerable, then your mysteriousness can sort of act as a shield to prevent those conversations from happening.
1
SPEAKER_00
Because I ll tell you,
1
SPEAKER_00
Mysterious people can really intimidate me and I m not inspired to be vulnerable around them because I almost don t feel safe to because I m like, this person is so protective of themselves.
1
SPEAKER_00
They re so mysterious.
1
SPEAKER_00
They re not showing me any softness at all.
1
SPEAKER_00
So I don t feel automatically safe to just be myself in that way.
1
SPEAKER_00
Mysterious people are very protected from vulnerability in most scenarios.
1
SPEAKER_00
And they have to make the conscious effort to go and be vulnerable.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I think that that can be good as long as there s still some vulnerability happening in life.
1
SPEAKER_00
But I think that it can get bad when you re not making any deep connections with others because you re so mysterious and you re so
1
SPEAKER_00
locked up that you never have a conversation with others that goes below surface level.
1
SPEAKER_00
And you become so comfortable in your little protective bubble that you re kind of alone.
1
SPEAKER_00
And that s not necessarily good.
1
SPEAKER_00
You may also find that long-term you have less friendships and relationships, possibly, because the way that you take friendships and relationships to the next level is by getting progressively more vulnerable and showing more and more sides of yourself.
1
SPEAKER_00
And if you re mysterious,
1
SPEAKER_00
you might never take it to the next level.
1
SPEAKER_00
And a lot of people might not feel connected.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so then they might be like, I don t know if I want to be in this relationship anymore because this, this person s so mysterious.
1
SPEAKER_00
I just can t even connect with them.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I think that this can also be challenging for people who are trying to be more mysterious, but they re not naturally.
1
SPEAKER_00
because there are a lot of people who are just naturally inclined to be super vulnerable, myself included.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s painful for me to suppress that side of myself.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s uncomfortable for me.
1
SPEAKER_00
It makes me feel like I m not being myself.
1
SPEAKER_00
I feel like I m being myself when I m being vulnerable.
1
SPEAKER_00
And at times when I ve tried to be more mysterious for like 24 hours here, 24 hours there, I felt really fake almost, like this is not me.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know, mysterious people also rarely speak about themselves.
1
SPEAKER_00
Now, this can be positive because it can leave other people more room to share their stories, their perspectives.
1
SPEAKER_00
It gives the mysterious person more of an opportunity to learn about other people, which can be interesting and exciting.
1
SPEAKER_00
And it also gives the mysterious person more time to think about what they want to say about themselves.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know, if they center the conversation around the other person, they have more time to think in between about what they do want to share about themselves so they can be more intentional.
1
SPEAKER_00
But I think the problem with this is that nobody will really feel like they know you.
1
SPEAKER_00
And short term, that might be intriguing and fun and exciting.
1
SPEAKER_00
But long term, I think that can be really frustrating and even unsettling at times.
1
SPEAKER_00
We all have mysterious people in our lives where we re like, who the fuck are you?
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, who the fuck are you?
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, who are you?
1
SPEAKER_00
What is going on inside of that brain?
1
SPEAKER_00
Who are you?
1
SPEAKER_00
You know, those people that just give you one word answers like about everything.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s like, how was your day?
1
SPEAKER_00
It was good.
1
SPEAKER_00
How was your day?
1
SPEAKER_00
And then it s always about, it s never about them ever.
1
SPEAKER_00
And you re like, wait, but what s like, who are you?
1
SPEAKER_00
Like I ve had friends for years that refused to open up to me.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I got to a point where I was like, Oh my God, years have gone by and I still don t know you.
1
SPEAKER_00
And that s such an unsettling feeling for me that I can t do it.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like I can t be friends with somebody who,
1
SPEAKER_00
Never gives me any information about themselves because it s like what are we doing here if one person super mysterious in the relationship in the other person is maybe.
1
SPEAKER_00
Maybe even mysterious but is opening up a little bit more and more over time to sort of develop the relationship further.
1
SPEAKER_00
it can feel almost unfair.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, I m opening myself up.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m putting myself in a vulnerable position, which is already uncomfortable, but is 10 times more uncomfortable because we re dealing with a mysterious person who does not invite in this type of conversation.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then when it s not reciprocated, it can be really, really weird and unsettling.
1
SPEAKER_00
And it can almost be like offensive sometimes.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like,
1
SPEAKER_00
It feels unfair.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m trying to develop this relationship further and this mysterious person is giving me nothing.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I think my point here is that mysterious people can take not talking about themselves too far to a point where everyone feels like they don t know them.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like they re a complete stranger to everyone around them.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s not to say that people who are mysterious can t figure out a balance, but I think that that can become a challenge really, really quick.
1
SPEAKER_00
And last but not least, mysterious people hide their emotions.
1
SPEAKER_00
Now, this can be a good thing because it definitely avoids conflict.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know, when you show emotion in your face, when you raise your voice during an argument, it can cause a much larger argument.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I think that this is sort of a superpower for mysterious people, the ability to just keep it all inside and handle it calmly.
1
SPEAKER_00
And that s something that I ve really worked on
1
SPEAKER_00
over the last few years of my life, really getting good at staying cool, calm, and collected during an argument or during a conflict or during a moment of upset, because that s just a skill that I want to have.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if I can be a fully mysterious person, but in that specific area, there s a lot of value there.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so that s something that I ve personally adopted.
1
SPEAKER_00
separate from being mysterious, just on its own.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I do think it makes conflict less irrational and it makes resolution more possible when you re super cool, calm, and collected during conflict and during upset.
1
SPEAKER_00
You don t want to suppress your emotions completely.
1
SPEAKER_00
You just want to display them in a way that s calm, rational, and collected.
1
SPEAKER_00
Do you see what I m saying?
1
SPEAKER_00
But I think mysterious people can take it too far and just completely lock everything up and never bring things up and just let everything fester inside.
1
SPEAKER_00
And it does have to come out at some point.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think the superpower for the mysterious person
2
SPEAKER_00
is like in the beginning of the conflict, when the irrational, super intense feelings come up, they re able to suppress those and keep them under wraps.
2
SPEAKER_00
But when it gets bad is if they don t ever go and confront the situation.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s what I think.
2
SPEAKER_00
Now, though I see the cons of being mysterious, I m still a little bit intrigued.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like, is this something I should adopt a little?
2
SPEAKER_00
I m not sure.
2
SPEAKER_00
I went on wikihow.com, which always gives the best advice, and I looked up how to be mysterious.
2
SPEAKER_00
And let me share with you what I found.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I think seeing a step-by-step guide on how to be mysterious will help me decide if this is something that I can actually do.
2
SPEAKER_00
Or maybe I can take little bits and pieces from this, apply it to my life, while still being the open, vulnerable person that I naturally am.
2
SPEAKER_00
We ll see.
2
SPEAKER_00
How to be mysterious.
2
SPEAKER_00
Number one, speak minimally about yourself.
2
SPEAKER_00
If you re outgoing and friendly, you might feel inclined to tell everyone your life story.
2
SPEAKER_00
However, mysterious people aren t open books.
2
SPEAKER_00
Try to minimize the amount of things that you disclose about yourself.
2
SPEAKER_00
And when you re asked personal questions, answer them, but just with a few vague words.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay, I do like the idea of focusing on asking other people more questions, and I actively try to do that in my day-to-day life, even to people who don t seem to want to talk about themselves.
2
SPEAKER_00
But I don t know if I m fully convinced that it s healthy to make a conscious effort to answer vaguely about yourself.
2
SPEAKER_00
If somebody really wants to know things about you,
2
SPEAKER_00
Is it really such a crime to like dig into it?
2
SPEAKER_00
Is it healthy to suppress the desire to sort of indulge in a little bit of conversation about yourself?
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I understand we re reading a guide on how to be mysterious, so it s quite literally telling you to just shut up about yourself, which makes sense.
2
SPEAKER_00
But like when it comes to applying this advice to my own life, I don t know if that s something that I want to do.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if it s being a good conversationalist to just answer questions with a few vague words.
2
SPEAKER_00
How boring is that?
2
SPEAKER_00
Like what a relief it is to be in a conversation with somebody and you ask them a question and then they just go off and start talking about themselves in a way that s interesting.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s such a relief.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s like, oh my God, I get a break from talking about myself.
2
SPEAKER_00
They re talking about them.
2
SPEAKER_00
This is great.
2
SPEAKER_00
You know, I don t have to be on for a second.
2
SPEAKER_00
I can just sort of sit back and enjoy this person s story.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s nice to also reciprocate that.
2
SPEAKER_00
And is it worth it to suppress that desire to share things about oneself just to be mysterious when that s not something that comes naturally?
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
2
SPEAKER_00
Number two, think before you speak.
2
SPEAKER_00
This goes hand in hand with speaking minimally.
2
SPEAKER_00
Instead of saying every little thing that pops into your head, think about why you want to say what you re thinking and only verbalize it when you need to.
2
SPEAKER_00
This will give you an air of mystery.
2
SPEAKER_00
I do think that thinking before you speak is an underrated piece of advice.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like in elementary school, the teachers were always like, think before you speak.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I don t think we ever outgrow that piece of advice because
2
SPEAKER_00
I ve had to make a conscious effort in recent years to think before I speak in attempt to not overshare.
2
SPEAKER_00
And it happened naturally.
2
SPEAKER_00
I didn t make this conscious decision to start thinking more before I spoke, but it happened naturally because I was so prone to oversharing and then regretting it after that I naturally was like, I just need to start thinking more before I say shit because I just let shit flow.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I do think that that s a really good piece of advice.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like that s something that I think we all could benefit from.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s something that I m actively working on, something that I want to continue to implement, but I don t know about only verbalizing things when you need to.
2
SPEAKER_00
because you very rarely need to say anything.
2
SPEAKER_00
And again, I feel like this is inspiring a much less dynamic conversation, which I m not obsessed with.
2
SPEAKER_00
Again, in practice, I don t know if this makes sense for me because maybe I d rephrase this to fit my own life and say, only say things when they mean something.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like, not just saying shit to say shit, but only saying things when they mean something, when they re going to have a positive impact.
2
SPEAKER_00
Number three, listen more to others.
2
SPEAKER_00
Those who are mysterious often observe others more than they steal the spotlight.
2
SPEAKER_00
Focus on taking in your surroundings, listening to what others say, and fading into the background a bit.
2
SPEAKER_00
Not only will this make you more mysterious, but it ll also make you a better conversationalist.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
I think that s a great piece of advice.
2
SPEAKER_00
I have no problem with that.
2
SPEAKER_00
And when I was younger, I definitely used to be more of the center of attention or I don t know.
2
SPEAKER_00
I was always just the loudest in the room.
2
SPEAKER_00
And as I ve gotten older, I ve very naturally done that less.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I will say it s made socializing less exhausting for one, but for two,
2
SPEAKER_00
More balanced.
2
SPEAKER_00
I think listening to others more is never a bad thing.
2
SPEAKER_00
Number four, self-edit your social media posts.
2
SPEAKER_00
When you re really excited or upset about something, think twice before you post it all over social media.
2
SPEAKER_00
To be mysterious, you have to limit how much you disclose about yourself in person and also online.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m not sure if I overshare online.
2
SPEAKER_00
I actually don t think I do.
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, some people might argue that I overshare if I m telling like a super embarrassing story about like me.
2
SPEAKER_00
shitting my pants or something or like, I don t know, me telling like an embarrassing story.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t think I overshare.
2
SPEAKER_00
online.
2
SPEAKER_00
I think I m very vulnerable online, but I ve pulled back a level of vulnerability online over time because I ve just felt this natural desire to sort of protect myself a little bit as I am a young woman and going through turbulent young womanhood, you know, it s just like a challenging experience.
2
SPEAKER_00
And so there s been certain things that I ve needed to protect more of and,
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if that s really worked out for me, actually.
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I needed to do that for my own well-being, but I think in general, I enjoy really telling all on the internet.
2
SPEAKER_00
I actually enjoy it.
2
SPEAKER_00
but I also know my limits.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I don t know.
2
SPEAKER_00
We all follow somebody on Instagram who s so mysterious, right?
2
SPEAKER_00
Like every picture is like super hot and cool.
2
SPEAKER_00
And you know, you look at this person s profile and you re like, they just wake up in the morning, levitate out of bed, eat like rocks for breakfast, and then like levitate into their chair at work where they just like zzzzzz.
2
SPEAKER_00
and get work done for like 30 minutes done for the day.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then they go and they get like a matcha from a coffee shop and then they like, and they just are levitating everywhere.
2
SPEAKER_00
You know what I m saying?
2
SPEAKER_00
Like there s some people that you see on Instagram and you re like, this is not a human being.
2
SPEAKER_00
This is somebody who needs to be plugged into an outlet to be charged.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like this is not a real human being.
2
SPEAKER_00
This is a robot.
2
SPEAKER_00
Ultimately, this is a robot.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I ve even had phases where I ve sort of enjoyed having that presence on social media more like, ooh, maybe I want to be more mysterious on social media.
2
SPEAKER_00
This is cool.
2
SPEAKER_00
But not only do I feel like people don t like it as much, like I don t think, I don t actually think that people like enjoy that.
2
SPEAKER_00
At least from me, I don t think people like that from me.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I don t know, it s just such a shame to hide your personality to try to be mysterious and cool.
2
SPEAKER_00
As I just said, I ve experimented with being mysterious on social media for various reasons.
2
SPEAKER_00
Number one, to protect myself.
2
SPEAKER_00
Number two, just because it kind of seemed intriguing, like, oh, I m going to have a cool vibe.
2
SPEAKER_00
You know, I think it is good to be mysterious online to an extent.
2
SPEAKER_00
But I think being mysterious to a point where you re completely hiding your personality is not good.
2
SPEAKER_00
And that s something I m working on.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s a balance that I m personally working on finding.
2
SPEAKER_00
You know, I went from being so open
2
SPEAKER_00
online when I was younger to now experimenting with how mysterious I want to be online.
2
SPEAKER_00
And yeah, it s definitely been an interesting journey to see how it makes me feel and how people react to it.
2
SPEAKER_00
Number five, display confidence.
2
SPEAKER_00
Being cool and comfortable is necessary in giving off a mysterious vibe.
2
SPEAKER_00
Having an air of quiet confidence is intriguing to others and can greatly contribute to your mysterious image because it proves that you know exactly who you are, although others may not.
2
SPEAKER_00
Maintain good posture and keep your head held high so others immediately pick up on your confident attitude.
2
SPEAKER_00
I think I m really conflicted on this because I feel like forcing confidence can sometimes backfire and come off as cockiness or can come off as fake confidence.
2
SPEAKER_00
It can be very tangible like, oh, this person is not really confident.
2
SPEAKER_00
Something s off here and I can feel it, you know?
2
SPEAKER_00
But I also think that we should all try to walk around with as much confidence as possible because we deserve it.
2
SPEAKER_00
You know, we all deserve it.
2
SPEAKER_00
The problem is I feel like we never have ourselves fully figured out.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s like a huge ask of humanity.
3
SPEAKER_00
And so faking it is just lying.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I don t know if I like that.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, I think that you can walk around with confidence and comfortability with yourself while being open and honest about the fact that you re flawed just like everyone else.
3
SPEAKER_00
I feel like this piece of advice is saying, be cool and comfortable and make everyone think that you have yourself all figured out.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s like, I don t know if I like that because no one has their shit all figured out.
3
SPEAKER_00
But I do think that there s a lot of value in practicing a cool and comfortable demeanor Again, that s something I ve been working on over the last few years and it s just made my life easier And I think when I started trying to carry myself in that way, it was sort of forced It was sort of fake right because it was like I don t feel cool and comfortable but I m gonna pretend I m cool and comfortable and eventually it sort of became real and
3
SPEAKER_00
But I think my cool and comfortable nature was not standing alone.
3
SPEAKER_00
It was also partnered with a level of humility, I would hope, and self-deprecation a little bit too, to balance it out.
3
SPEAKER_00
Now, I m currently trying to get rid of the self-deprecation and just be genuinely cool and comfortable with myself.
3
SPEAKER_00
But I don t know, like I think that there s a risk of seeming sort of cocky or arrogant
3
SPEAKER_00
And also it s so human and charming to not be cool and comfortable all the time.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I m conflicted on it, but I do think that like being confident is a great thing to strive for overall.
3
SPEAKER_00
I just think that it sort of needs to come from a genuine place in an honest place or else it just doesn t feel right.
3
SPEAKER_00
And that s my only concern with that.
3
SPEAKER_00
But I think that being confident, like that s a good thing to work on for everyone.
3
SPEAKER_00
Whether you re mysterious or you re vulnerable and open, I don t know, I think everybody could benefit from that.
3
SPEAKER_00
Next, do unpredictable things.
3
SPEAKER_00
Do things from time to time that others wouldn t expect you to do.
3
SPEAKER_00
This will make people doubt their perception of who you are.
3
SPEAKER_00
Actions that are seemingly out of character may ignite curiosity in others and make them wonder who you are and what you re really like.
3
SPEAKER_00
Again, I don t know if I like this because this feels like we re gamifying our personalities.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s like a game.
3
SPEAKER_00
We re trying to play with other people s perceptions of who we are.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if premeditating actions to make people think a certain thing is healthy.
3
SPEAKER_00
Being like, oh, I m going to do something super random and out of character right now in 30 seconds.
3
SPEAKER_00
to make this certain person confused about who I really am and curious about who I really am.
3
SPEAKER_00
That just feels like a game.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I just don t know if I think that s healthy.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, I don t like to live like that.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, I want to be far more intuitive than that and far more honest with who I am, you know?
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, it seems like so far that being mysterious is like a full-time job.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, I have to fucking change everything about myself and, like, make these strategic choices.
3
SPEAKER_00
That is not living a good life.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m so sorry.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s just not.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s...
3
SPEAKER_00
Not healthy.
3
SPEAKER_00
Next, conceal your emotions.
3
SPEAKER_00
Mysterious people are hard to read.
3
SPEAKER_00
If you re really expressive, others will know what you re feeling without you having to say a word.
3
SPEAKER_00
Be mindful of your facial expressions and try to keep them somewhat neutral so that people aren t sure what you re thinking and feeling.
3
SPEAKER_00
We already sort of discussed this.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t need to dig into it anymore.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s like, yeah, that can be a really powerful tool in anyone s toolbox in life.
3
SPEAKER_00
Life toolbox.
3
SPEAKER_00
It can be helpful.
3
SPEAKER_00
but also you don t want to take it too far.
3
SPEAKER_00
You still want to be able to resolve conflict in life.
3
SPEAKER_00
You can t keep it all inside.
3
SPEAKER_00
Next, be less present and available.
3
SPEAKER_00
The key to being mysterious is to keep yourself as private and unknown as possible.
3
SPEAKER_00
The easiest way to keep people from learning too much about you is to spend less time with them and talk to them less.
3
SPEAKER_00
Spend most of your free time alone and or with people that know the real you so that you can appear distant to others.
3
SPEAKER_00
This is possibly the most toxic piece of advice I ve ever heard.
3
SPEAKER_00
This is really unhealthy to me.
3
SPEAKER_00
If you re a mysterious person by nature and you just naturally do this, great.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s one thing.
3
SPEAKER_00
But if you re somebody more like me who s naturally extroverted at times, I m not always extroverted, I would say I m 50-50.
3
SPEAKER_00
50% extroverted, 50% introverted.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_00
But if you have an extroverted side to yourself, do you know what, maybe it s 60% extroverted, 40% introverted, I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_00
But it changes all the time.
3
SPEAKER_00
It depends, it changes depending on what I need in my life.
3
SPEAKER_00
But anyway, if you enjoy being around people and you wanna get closer to people, like being completely private and unknown,
3
SPEAKER_00
It s kind of lonely and sad.
3
SPEAKER_00
Unless you re doing it because you genuinely are craving that in your life, I don t think that that s something that you should force yourself to do.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t really see a benefit there.
3
SPEAKER_00
I ve had periods in my life where I ve been far more introverted and I ve wanted to isolate myself.
3
SPEAKER_00
I ve wanted to spend time alone.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I probably was more mysterious during that time without even trying to be because I was craving a phase of self-discovery.
3
SPEAKER_00
I wanted to figure myself out.
3
SPEAKER_00
I wanted to establish a level of independence, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
3
SPEAKER_00
That was a genuine desire that I had.
3
SPEAKER_00
But right now, for example, I m loving being social.
3
SPEAKER_00
I ve never
3
SPEAKER_00
been more social and I m really loving it.
3
SPEAKER_00
And it s bringing a lot of joy in my life.
3
SPEAKER_00
And yeah, I do want to be mysterious too, cause that seems also kind of fun, but like to isolate myself against my own will, just to be mysterious, like that s not good and not worth it.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t want to be mysterious to the extent that like I m going to isolate myself.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s just sad.
3
SPEAKER_00
Next, only let a few trusted people know the real you.
3
SPEAKER_00
Carefully choose a few different trustworthy people to completely open up to.
3
SPEAKER_00
Everybody needs at least a couple of people to be close to.
3
SPEAKER_00
Only express your fears, desires, and regrets to these people.
3
SPEAKER_00
When outsiders
3
SPEAKER_00
realize that you only open up to a select few, they may wonder about the real you and wish that they could be one of the special people you confide in. 
3
SPEAKER_00
See, this piece of advice sounded so good in the beginning.
3
SPEAKER_00
It was like, everyone needs somebody to open up to.
3
SPEAKER_00
Find those people.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yes, absolutely agree.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t think any of us would argue with that.
3
SPEAKER_00
But then when it starts to say,
3
SPEAKER_00
When outsiders realize that you only open up to a select few, they may wonder about the real you and wish that they could be one of the special people you can fight it.
3
SPEAKER_00
Again, that feels manipulative and game-like to be like, I m only going to open up to a select few people so that everybody else wishes that they could be a part of this club and know more about me.
3
SPEAKER_00
Again, that feels really kind of manipulative to me.
3
SPEAKER_00
If opening up to only a select few people is desirable to you because you re like, I just want to be safe with my heart and I want to protect myself and only talk to people that I trust about these serious matters, that s one thing.
3
SPEAKER_00
If you re doing that for you, that s one thing.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s great.
3
SPEAKER_00
Again, nobody can argue with that.
3
SPEAKER_00
But if you re doing it as a way to make other people
3
SPEAKER_00
want to like be in your life more.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_00
It just feels weird.
3
SPEAKER_00
And last but not least, focus on your hobbies.
3
SPEAKER_00
Having multiple hobbies may make you seem more interesting and versatile to others.
3
SPEAKER_00
It may also add to your mysteriousness if it takes up a lot of free time that you would otherwise socialize during.
3
SPEAKER_00
Again, I feel like you should do what you want to do with your free time.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like if you want to socialize, go socialize.
3
SPEAKER_00
If you want to do your hobbies, go do your hobbies.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like don t force yourself to do hobbies and use up all your time doing hobbies just to seem mysterious.
3
SPEAKER_00
Again, okay, I m realizing now you can t force this shit.
3
SPEAKER_00
Trying to change who you are is not the right approach.
3
SPEAKER_00
Listen, I m not mysterious.
3
SPEAKER_00
I will never be mysterious.
3
SPEAKER_00
If I wanted to be mysterious, I d have to change the entire framework of my being and force myself to behave in ways that are not organic to me, okay?
3
SPEAKER_00
I m so sorry, I m not gonna do that.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m crushing my own dream right now of being mysterious.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s not gonna happen.
3
SPEAKER_00
I am who I am.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m vulnerable, I m open, I m putting it all out on the table at all times.
3
SPEAKER_00
Everybody gets to know Emma, you know?
3
SPEAKER_00
And that s just who I am.
3
SPEAKER_00
And instead of trying to change it, at this point, I m just gonna accept it.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m going to accept it with all of the flaws that come with it too, including me oversharing sometimes.
3
SPEAKER_00
And hey, there are some people out there who are naturally mysterious.
3
SPEAKER_00
Guess what?
3
SPEAKER_00
That s great too.
3
SPEAKER_00
Lean into that and figure out the shortcomings that come with that personality trait and work on those.
3
SPEAKER_00
But don t try to change your entire framework to be somebody that you just aren t.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like I am not me when I m trying to be mysterious.
3
SPEAKER_00
And so I m fucking done.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m never gonna try to be mysterious again, okay?
3
SPEAKER_00
And I m actually excited about this.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m only going to get less mysterious moving forward.
3
SPEAKER_00
And you know, this might be less hot.
3
SPEAKER_00
You know, let s say I meet new friends and they re like, oh, she s like,
4
SPEAKER_00
too open of a book.
4
SPEAKER_00
She s not hot and cool and mysterious.
4
SPEAKER_00
Don t care, don t care.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m just gonna be completely who I am.
4
SPEAKER_00
And if people like it, great.
4
SPEAKER_00
And if they don t, fuck it.
4
SPEAKER_00
Do you know what I mean?
4
SPEAKER_00
Fuck it.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m not mysterious and that s okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
And that s all I have for today.
4
SPEAKER_00
Thank you all for listening and hanging out.
4
SPEAKER_00
I hope that you enjoyed this episode.
4
SPEAKER_00
If you did, new episodes every Thursday and Sunday.
4
SPEAKER_00
Come hang out.
4
SPEAKER_00
You can stream anywhere you stream podcasts or watch video exclusive on Spotify.
4
SPEAKER_00
You can follow anything goes on Instagram at anything goes.
4
SPEAKER_00
You can follow me on Instagram at Emma Chamberlain.
4
SPEAKER_00
You can check out my coffee company, chamberlaincoffee.com.
4
SPEAKER_00
Check us out online or in store.
4
SPEAKER_00
You can go on our store locator and see if we re in a store near you.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I just appreciate and love you all.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I m glad that we got to hang out.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I hope that you enjoyed it.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I ll talk to you soon.
4
SPEAKER_00
Don t worry.
4
SPEAKER_00
I ll talk to you soon.
4
SPEAKER_00
Seriously.
4
SPEAKER_00
In like a few days.
4
SPEAKER_00
All right.
4
SPEAKER_00
Talk to you later.
4
SPEAKER_00
Bye.