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Hey everybody, welcome to the first episode of Minisoad Monday.
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Don t worry though, I m not going to replace the regular episodes for Mondays.
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I m just going to release on Monday the Minisoad Monday, Tuesday the regular episode, Wednesday we ll have a little break, Thursday we ll release a regular episode just like we usually did on Wednesday, and Friday we ll do Fan Mail Friday.
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So basically, we re adding to the rotation.
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What I wanted to do here is I just found so many different things that are really useful tactics and little things that we can implement in our daily lives, and I come across these all the time, and I learn them from other smart people who will also make appearances on some of these Minnesota Monday episodes, and I thought, they just don t fit into regular shows all the time, or they re just not big enough topics for regular shows.
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So here we go with Mini-Sewed Monday, where I get to tell you something that s maybe five or 10 minutes long, at most, that you can apply today, this week, now and forever, that you can learn really, really quickly.
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Of course, when you re done listening, let me know what you guys think about this.
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I m Jordan at theartofcharm.com.
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I d love to hear your opinion on what you think about Mini-Sewed Mondays.
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I was traveling in Asia recently, and what I noticed is that the manners are completely different.
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Cutting someone off, spitting, eating with your mouth wide open, having food fall out.
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I mean, that s probably just bad manners everywhere, but we learn our manners via our parents and from society.
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We know when someone gives us a dirty look after we do something that we ve done something wrong, or if someone yells at you, like a teacher, colleague, friend, parent, relative, whatever.
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But what do we know really?
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all we can do is assume that that nonverbal feedback actually means something.
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This can be kind of a slippery slope and a dangerous one at that, and you ve heard me mention emotional filters and things like that in our YouTube videos and on the show, but suppose one day we re hanging out just as friends or with a group of other people.
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and one of our friends, our close friends, is unusually quiet, maybe our significant other.
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What does that mean?
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What can that mean?
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It s very common and normal for us as humans to try to guess what s going on in someone else s head, and the ability to understand what other people are thinking, it s a really helpful tool.
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A lot of us spend a lot of our lives trying to cultivate that ability, and most of us have met people who, of course, don t seem to be able to accurately read what others think at all, and the consequences of that inability can be pretty severe.
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So the problem with mind reading, or one of them anyway, isn t the act of trying to get inside someone else s head, but it s doing so and then processing our assumptions filtered by your negative emotional biases.
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And everybody s got these, I don t care how positive you are as a person.
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In other words, assuming that another person is thinking negatively about you,
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when in fact they re not.
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And this correlates strongly with anxiety, with depression, with low self-esteem.
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We see this a lot in people who have medically defined anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and things like that.
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And we all know people kinda like this as well, that, oh, they probably think this, we probably think that.
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You might even be like that yourself.
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And this makes complete sense.
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I mean, why wouldn t you feel nervous or depressed if you really believed that other people were always thinking negative thoughts about you?
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I mean, that sounds like a miserable way to exist and some of us just can t turn it off.
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It gets even worse when it leads to behavioral changes.
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Maybe you avoid certain types of social or professional situations.
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Maybe you don t network.
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Maybe you don t go to parties.
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Maybe you don t even hang out with your own family and friends, or old friends, or even certain people whose opinions you hold in high esteem.
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You ever avoid the boss even though you think maybe he likes you but you re not sure?
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Yeah, you re doing it.
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So the key to addressing the mind reading and feedback thing, it s not to stop doing it like some experts would suggest.
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Oh, don t try to get inside people s heads.
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Look, this is a useful tool.
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What we need to do is improve our skill set in translating that feedback inside our own heads.
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In other words, improving our ability to evaluate social information more effectively and with as little bias as possible or maybe just a more positive bias if you can t turn bias off entirely.
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Now, if this sounds good to you, we teach this step-by-step, of course, at our Art of Charm boot camps and naturally on many of the shows that you ll hear.
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We also have a sort of freebie dip-your-toes-in-the-water type thing at theartofcharm.com slash challenge, or you can text charmed, that s charmed, to 33444.
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We re gonna put some of your skills to the test in terms of professional networking and personal relationships.
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Then, we re gonna help you get to the next level.
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All right, until next time, stay charming, and don t forget, let me know what you think about this on Twitter.
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I m at The Art of Charm on Twitter, or you can email me, jordanattheartofcharm.com.
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I wanna know what you think about Minnesota Mondays.
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Coming up tomorrow on The Art of Charm, we re talking with Dr. Anders Erickson about peak performance, deliberate practice, and the myth of innate talent.
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That s right, innate talent might not even exist.
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Join us for that tomorrow on The Art of Charm.
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Thanks for listening to the Art of Charm.
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Get more confidence, relationship skills, life hacks, and more at theartofcharmpodcast.com.