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Welcome to the art of charm.
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I m your host Jordan Harbinger, and I m here with producer Jason DeFillippo here at AOC We may not have all the answers But we certainly have some of the questions and of course today fan mail Friday those questions are coming from you If you re new to the art of charm podcast fan mail Friday in my opinion is not the best place to start most of our content is interview based more in-depth and longer format so you can check out the best of
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to get a quick taste of that at theartofcharm.com slash best, or the Fundamentals Toolbox at theartofcharm.com slash toolbox.
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That s where we ve got fundamentals of reading body language and nonverbal communication, negotiation techniques, networking, mentorship, persuasion, influence, everything else that we teach here at the Art of Charm.
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I ll send that to your inbox if you text charmed, that s C-H-A-R-M-E-D to 33444 here in the States.
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Everywhere else, you can just go to theartofcharm.com.
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All right, let s cut to it.
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Hey Jordan.
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With the completion of the Thanksgiving holiday, my friends have begun posting pictures from our parties.
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We had a great time.
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However, what s concerning me is that in the candid photos I look upset, or bored, or angry.
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I complained to a colleague about it and she was like, oh yeah, resting you face.
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What can I and others like me do to let our outer self reflect the joy we are experiencing in our inner self?
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Signed, Mr. Me Face.
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Hey, Mr. MeFace.
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The picture, by the way, that he sent me is funny.
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It s him not looking at the camera, playing some board game.
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I would say, look, there s no need to quote-unquote reflect the joy and manage your appearance.
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One of the friendliest and most charming charismatic guys I know, Matthew Kimberly, he has a grumpy cat face.
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frown, that s just his default.
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It just looks like Grumpy Cat.
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And it doesn t happen all the time, but it happens a lot, and it happens in a lot of photos, and it s funny.
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And it s kinda weird, but it doesn t really do much other than give us a reason to poke fun at him here and there.
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You can t really manage your appearance all the time, and you shouldn t try, or you re gonna end up obsessing over how you re being perceived, which will take you out of the moment when you re with your friends.
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And I think that s much worse than the resting you face, which is what he writes about.
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here in the letter.
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More importantly, it s to smile when you re interacting with other people versus when you re just at rest playing a game or something.
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The AOC challenge actually has a smizing exercise.
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I ll let you find it there, but the short version is that there s a specific way of practicing smiling in a certain way in the mirror, and then we got a drill for you to do the same thing in public.
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Smiling at first and in interactions with your friends will deliver a first impression, an impression that you want when you re speaking with them.
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And then it won t really matter what you look like when you re trying to pass go and collect $200.
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And that challenge is at theartofcharm.com slash challenge or you can text charmed to 33444 if you re here in the states and that will get you rocking and rolling in that challenge.
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All right, next up.
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Hi, Jordan.
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Consider this one a challenge.
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I ve been unemployed for over a year now, and I m at the end of my tether.
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Here s the thing.
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I actually had five different, very interesting offers this year alone and was happy to do anything in my power not to let them go to waste, but every single one of them in the end fell through once a potential employer learned that I needed a visa sponsorship.
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I honestly don t know what else I can or should do in this situation, and I feel like I ve about exhausted all my options.
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I work on looking for new opportunities and tapping my contacts every single day like it s a full-time job, while also making sure to keep developing my personal projects and working on new skills to keep up with the real world.
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I ve perfected my CV to the point where, by now, one of the first lines of every single response to an application I send tends to be, your resume is incredibly impressive.
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I ve become open to lower-level or alternative settings or industry positions.
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And still nothing.
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Help?
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Thanks, and all my best wishes, Anna.
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Hey Anna, my question, and I m just playing a little devil s advocate here, which you know I love sometimes.
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If your CV, if your resume is so amazing, I would say get a domestic job or get something freelance and build it even further.
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It s not ideal for you right now, but companies are looking to cut risk.
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Look at it from the foreign company perspective.
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Right now you are a risk because your CV, your resume, it s just a cover sheet
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for your performance, which is as yet untested if you don t have a full-time corporate gig in a very similar niche.
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Freelance is a great way to get your foot in the door for an employer.
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Regular work experience with an actual boss is even better because you re eliminating a lot of risk there.
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Again, it s not ideal, but this is how you build yourself
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to the point where a foreign company can reasonably accept that risk.
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And the other factor that I would explain here that could be a huge advantage for you is something called skill stacking.
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And this is something that Scott Adams talks about, and you ll hear from him later on the show.
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But it s much easier to be, not in this episode, to be clear, it s easier to be in the top 25% of, say, three skills.
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For example, I m probably not the best broadcaster ever.
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You know, there s guys on freaking Access Hollywood who are probably better on camera or something than me, but I can be in the top 25% of broadcasting.
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I can be in the top 25% of armchair
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social scientist wannabes, no problem, got that checked off.
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I can be in the top 25% of talking in a radio format and producing something in that area.
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It s a lot easier to be in the top 25% of three different skills than to be in the top 1% or 5% of one particular skill or area.
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So a company overseas might import a worker and go through the visa costs if that person is a top 5% coder or a top 5% drone firmware architect or whatever, right?
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That stuff is coveted because it is so high-end.
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But if you were top 25% drone flight firmware architect, top 25%
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aviation product design and top 25% marketing, now you might be very, very useful to that exact same company in a very similar way.
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So I hope that makes sense.
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I m sorry you can t get a job overseas right now.
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Don t lose hope.
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There s plenty of immigrants in my neighborhood alone, so it s far from impossible.
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It might just take a little bit longer than you d hoped.
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Next up.
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Hi Jordan, I m a big fan of the podcast and have been for over a year now.
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I listen to all the episodes and continue to find value in everything you guys teach at AOC.
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The recent podcast with Dan Ariely was easily my favorite yet, as Dan was a charming guest and you were a skillful interviewer as always.
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On top of that, it was fascinating to hear how so many human behaviors that we believe to work a certain way actually work much differently.
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Just some really cool stuff.
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I m coming to you with a question because I trust you ll give me a straight answer based on your experiences and personal development.
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I m a 23-year-old guy who s been given more than my fair share of chances at going to college.
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I never saw myself going this way, but it seems I ve become a forever student.
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I ve changed my major multiple times, basically following what my parents did, and admittedly haven t worked hard enough to make the cut in any of those areas.
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I like to tell myself that it s because I wasn t really interested in them, but I know I m still to blame.
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However, this slacker s mentality is noticeably different in areas of my life.
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I have a job that I love, and though it s not stable and doesn t have much room for growth, I work incredibly hard at it.
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I have a girlfriend that I love and would marry in a heartbeat.
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I have a strong group of friends whom I love and spend time with, my family is loving and supportive, and I would say that I m a smart guy.
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I know that I need to find a more lucrative career, as I m still not living on my own and would like to get on with my freaking life, but this obstacle is one that I have to overcome.
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That leads us to now.
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I recently decided that this problem was worth finding a life coach for talking through where I ve been going wrong and discovering how I can get myself excited about my future.
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After doing so, my coach asked if I would be interested in life coaching as a career.
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She talked about the certification and how, depending on the place, I could get certified to be a life coach in as little as two months.
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That s when, for some not-so-strange reason, I heard your skeptical voice in my head and thought that this might be too good to be true.
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To be fair, she did warn me to find a program accredited through the International Coach Federation, and that it would take lots of self-marketing on my part.
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Still, after my long journey of trying to develop myself into someone who could finally slay the college dragon in my quest for the holy degree, it makes sense that maybe traditional college just isn t for me.
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Basically, I d love to hear your take on this.
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I ve heard you talk about life coaches on the show before and noticed it hasn t always been positive.
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I certainly don t want to become the buffoon who is only successful because they are teaching others how to get their life together when theirs is frailly built on selling advice.
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On the other hand, the idea of helping young people like me get through the confusing journey that is becoming an adult gets me excited because it makes my failures feel like assets and it s a field I know I m interested in.
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Please let me know your thoughts.
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To you and the whole AOC team, I couldn t thank you enough.
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I feel like a lot of my life, relationships, and self-image has been improved through your teachings and I m eternally grateful.
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I just need to knock down whatever mental block is stopping me so I can get out into the world and kick some butt.
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Your help would be greatly appreciated.
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All the best.
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Signed, Failure to Launch.
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Hey, Failure to Launch.
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Look, college may not be for you, and I know that s controversial, but it sounds like you re able and willing to work hard, but you re just not motivated for university, which I completely
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understand more than you know.
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That is, however, in retrospect in my own life, a flag that college might not be for you.
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I m not saying that it isn t for you, but it might not be for you, especially if you re just there to follow your parents or follow what they want for you to do.
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Here s what I recommend.
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Learn a trade, and I mean coding, plumbing, welding, whatever, electrician.
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Even if it s not your dream job and you don t want to do it forever, it is a very useful skill
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it will pay you a great living and those jobs most importantly they actually exist unlike the mythical post-college career for honestly for a large percentage of people uh we re finding these don t exist at all and look as far as life coaching is concerned and again i know i m going to take flack for this and i just don t care because it s my honest belief here
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Life coaching is a racket most of the time.
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Most life coaches became life coaches because they woke up on their mother s couch one day knowing they were about to get kicked out of the house in winter and decided to teach success or some other bull crap.
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The coaches that you see doing really well are rarely branded as life coaches and they often have years or even decades of experience doing something else that is informing
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their experience.
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Now the fact that you have some, and pardon me, I m not trying to attack your judgment here, but the fact that you have some random life coach urging you to get certified as yet another life coach, this just reeks of pyramid schemes.
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And honestly, that is the most ridiculous thing I ve heard in a while.
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The idea that someone could go from being coached because they don t know which end is up, and again, I m exaggerating in your case perhaps, but the idea that you could go from being coached because you don t know what to do with yourself
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nothing personal, to becoming a coach for other people in the exact same situation because they took a couple of online courses.
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That is ludicrous.
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That is scammy.
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I m glad that you rightly heard my skeptical voice in your head telling you to run.
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I m all about getting certified as a coach.
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I have myself done that, but not for life coaching, and I only did it to coach other people in an existing practice.
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I didn t do it to build a business.
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I didn t do it to create a practice of coaching.
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And look, whenever anyone, and this is applicable much more widely than just this life coach racket, whenever anyone tells you that your career will require lots of self-marketing, what they re saying, in most cases, and of course there s creative pursuits and things like that aside for freelancers, but what they re saying is that you probably won t succeed, and they want a reason to blame yourself
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and not them, not to blame them when you fail.
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They want you to blame yourself.
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And so, like if a freelancer is working and they re not doing self-marketing and their business fails, their graphic design business fails, yeah, it s because they didn t do enough self-marketing.
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If you re getting certified as a coach of some kind and you don t do self-marketing, it s not just because your marketing is bad, it s because you don t have anything to sell.
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You don t have anything real to sell.
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And this is a classic setup.
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It s given to lots of people who buy into someone else s MLM or pyramid scheme, their accreditation racket.
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Just like this life coaching situation.
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It doesn t mean careers don t take hard work.
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It just means that you shouldn t be aiming to start a business based on yourself.
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You should be aiming to learn ways to provide actual value to others inside of an organization that can provide that experience and a platform for you, at least to start.
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So in my opinion here, you don t need motivation, you need direction.
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And you can find that direction yourself.
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Make a list of skills you think are interesting.
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Something technical would be great, coding, welding, electrical work, whatever.
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Something hands-on is always better than something aspirational in the beginning.
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So like music production, broadcasting, that s more aspirational, it s gonna take a lot of luck in addition to a lot of self-marketing.
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That s why those aspirational,
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careers, they rely heavily on self-marketing to succeed.
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Something technical largely will not because your work is tangible and stands for itself.
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Then, once you pick a couple of skills or just one, enroll in some basic classes, and I m talking community college, some local trade school,
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Basic classes, basic welding.
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Jenny took welding and she loved it.
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See how you like it.
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You can then choose a trade and dive into a program based on that experience.
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And worst case scenario, you do welding and you decide after a few months, oh, I hate it.
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You can weld now.
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That s awesome.
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I can t say the same thing for taking a bunch of anthropology classes in a college or geology or something like that.
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It does not have the same translation.
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It s not nearly as useful.
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So get a tangible skill and oh yeah,
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fire your life coach like yesterday.
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And don t miss President Obama sharing how he deals with pressure by projecting confidence, believing in your team, and taking criticism.
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Listen to Ways to Win wherever you get your podcasts.
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Thanks for listening and supporting The Art of Charm.
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For a list of all of our amazing sponsors and discount codes, visit theartofcharm.com slash advertisers.
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Now, back to Fan Mail Friday.
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Moving on up.
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Gents.
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Jet lag.
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Interesting topic.
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The Air Force did quite a bit of research into this.
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Hopefully some Air Force guys will chime in with suggestions.
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What I recall from some of my Air Force experiences, traveling west has less impact than traveling east, because most folks have a circadian rhythm that is longer than 24 hours.
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Eat carbohydrates to get tired.
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This can help when trying to reset your body clock.
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Eat protein or low carb to stay awake.
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This can also be used to help reset the clock.
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Your suggestions about blue blocking earplugs and sleep masks were interesting.
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Next time I travel across time zones, I ll be sure to try them.
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Regards, Dave.
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All right, Dave.
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Thank you, by the way.
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Yeah, this is an interesting topic for sure.
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I agree as well that diet is a key part of jet lag recovery.
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Also, making sure that your last protein meal isn t less than three hours or so before bed.
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You have a hard time sleeping when you down a lot of meat and protein right before you try to go to sleep.
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And staying hydrated, yes, you re right, is key, especially if you re already doing something else you should be, which is exercising, to make the body tired as well when you re in a new time zone.
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So thanks for your experience as well as your military service, Dave.
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All right, last question.
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Do you have any advice on mumbling, enunciating, or articulation?
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I ve been told that I speak low and cannot be heard or understood.
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As a result, I become anxious when speaking to people.
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My speech rate increases and I tense up.
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Best regards, Brandon.
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Hey, Brandon.
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I understand why people have been telling you to take voice lessons, and I actually recommend those on AOC a lot as well.
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But I don t see this particular letter, at least what I m reading here between the lines, it doesn t sound like a voice issue.
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It sounds like an anxiety issue.
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And there s something else going on here that probably is not caused by your voice being low.
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It seems like your voice is going low because you re anxious around others and you re subconsciously trying not to be seen.
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You re trying to make yourself small or hide.
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I d ask how long you ve had this problem and if you ve seen someone for anxiety or if you re doing something else for this anxiety.
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This is also something we can work on if you ever come to AOC, as you mentioned in the letter.
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We deal with tics like this all the time.
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First though, talk to a therapist, even one session, and make sure there s not something more serious going on under the surface here.
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Then circle back and we can take it from there.
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Hope y all enjoyed that don t forget.
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You can email us Friday at the art of charm calm We ll get some of those questions answered on the air a link to the show notes for this episode can be found at the art of charm comm Fmf 92 also don t forget about the AOC challenge you can text charmed at
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C-H-A-R-M-E-D to 33444 here in the U.S.
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Everywhere else, just hit up theartofcharm.com.
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We ll take you step-by-step on becoming better at making personal and professional connections, becoming a better networker, increasing your personal social capital and your charisma, and it s for both guys and gals.
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And the girls are just kicking butt, by the way, in the AOC Challenge.
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We ve got a Facebook group there with 5,200 members, and I m just, I mean, they are just overly representative
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at it for once, right?
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Ladies are just crushing it.
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They re plowing through these challenges and getting a lot of good feedback in the Facebook group as well.
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If you want to join them, text CHARMED, that s C-H-A-R-M-E-D to 33444 in the USA.
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Everywhere else, just go to theartofcharm.com.
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By the way, a lot of people ask.
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I am doing speaking a bunch of it these days, and if you re interested in having me come speak to your organization, especially corporations and things like that, reach out to me.
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I am jordanattheartofcharm.com.
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I m headed to Hawaii tomorrow to do a real estate conference, and it s at the Four Seasons.
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I know, tough life.
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Pray for me, everybody.
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Quick shout-outs to everyone in that AOC Challenge Facebook page.
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We hit 5,200 people over the past weekend here, just past the Thanksgiving holiday.
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I never expected that to happen.
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I really love this.
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You guys and gals are killing it in there, like I said, and the ladies are really represented as well.
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It s one of my favorite things to do each morning, is check in with that group and watch what everyone s posting in there.
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Are you in a strange land listening to my familiar voice?
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If so, hit me up, I ll shout you out.
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More from AOC at theartofcharm.com, including info on our live residential boot camps that we run every week here in L.A.
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if you really want to dig into this stuff and work on your AOC skills with us as your coaches.
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That s bootcamp.theartofcharm.com.
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Now stay charming, get out there and connect, and leave everyone better than you found them.
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Thanks for listening to the Art of Charm.
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