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Here we are launching the second half of 2021.
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The bad news is time flies.
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The good news is you re the pilot.
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Keeping with that aeronautical frame, we want to help you launch the second half of 2021.
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We re doing so with a webinar on July 15th.
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4.30 p.m.
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Eastern.
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It s called Six Months of Sales Momentum.
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We re doing this for one reason, because we want you to continue your success in 2021 and also build a future foundation for 2022 as well.
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So join us on July 15th.
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We re going to give you six skills that we think are going to be vital for your success in 2021 and beyond.
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July 15th, 4.30 p.m.
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See you there.
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In this episode of the Advanced Selling Podcast, I get a really great surprise while I m walking through Bill s hometown.
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Check that one out.
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We invent a new version of the kids  gross toy slime.
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This time it s slime for salespeople.
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And we go deep on one of our favorite topics, detachment for the sales professional.
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Welcome back to the Advanced Selling Podcast, the longest running sales training podcast in podcast history.
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My name is Brian Neal.
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I m Bill Kasky, here every week.
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Glad you re here.
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Happy Monday.
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I hope everyone in the United States had a happy 4th of July.
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We ve got some really cool things coming up.
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Month of July is going to be really big, especially for our ASP Insider Group.
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So stay tuned for a little bit of that.
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Knowledge on that.
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And check out us.
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LinkedIn group is alive and well, 12,000, almost 13,000 people-ish, something like that, in there.
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Check that out.
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And check out our website.
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We re starting to post new things coming from the podcast here on the website, advancedsellingpodcast.com.
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So make sure you re taking advantage of all the things that are available to you as a listener, not just the free 15 to 17-minute episode that s so entertaining and enlightening that you get every week.
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Hey, so this is kind of a fun thing I did.
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So I was, it was his father s day a few weeks ago and I was, my family after church, we wanted to go to this little shop called Vitality Bowl, which is a place where you get like fruit bowls and stuff like that.
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I love Vitality Bowl.
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It s fantastic.
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My kids all like it, we like it.
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So took all my kids up there, go to Vitality Bowl.
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This Vitality Bowl that we go to is in a city in Indianapolis, outside of Indianapolis called Carmel, which is where Bill is from, born and raised.
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And they have a really cool little downtown, it s called the Arts District, where they have just like little statues and shops and things.
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It s really, really cute.
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Always very difficult to park.
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Always very difficult to park.
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So I tend to make a few laps around the block.
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Finally went a couple laps around, found a parking spot, get out of the car, walking down the sidewalk.
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And, now I wasn t videoing at the time, but I ll show you this video.
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So I m walking down the sidewalk.
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And look what I see.
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Oh, looky there.
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I m walking on the sidewalk, and I m looking down, and all of a sudden, there s these pavers.
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And you can apparently donate some money to your city and rent or put your name on one of these pavers.
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And I see this paver, and it says Bill and Jane Kasky on it.
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And I ve walked by that corner and that paver a billion times.
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Oh, have you really?
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And I ve never, ever seen it.
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I ve never looked down to notice.
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So that was pretty cool.
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You re world famous.
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So if you re in Carmel, Indiana, yeah, and you re looking down, you re going around the corner, you know, to the restaurant, kind of walking east on the street there, you look down and see Bill and Jane Kasky s donation to downtown Carmel.
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Yeah, that was fun.
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We did it actually in honor of a friend who, of ours, who died.
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Oh, really?
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Yeah.
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And we, so we contributed, there was a,
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I don t know, some kind of a movement or a promotion about that.
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So yeah, it s right in front of Paul Estridge s restaurant there.
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That s his restaurant.
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Oh, that is?
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I didn t know that.
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OK.
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A Mexican restaurant.
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And then Vitality Bowl is right up the way.
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But yeah, I love Vitality Bowl.
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I could eat there every day.
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It s so good, isn t it?
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It can t be good.
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It can t be good for you.
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My daughter told me.
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My daughter s in college.
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And one of her friends works at Vitality Bowl.
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And she goes there all the time.
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She s like, dad, her friend, I don t remember what her name is.
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said, you don t ever want to see what s in these Vitality Bowls.
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Oh, good.
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It is not good for you, I think is what she said.
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Really?
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I don t know.
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That is Psy stuff, you know.
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Acai berries, you know, it s like acai.
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I always hold that, I always hold that.
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I don t like those.
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Oh, you don t like those stuff?
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Oh, I love those.
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I like the granola and the strawberries and the bananas.
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Yeah, I mean, most of it s really healthy, I gotta think.
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I gotta think it is.
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I don t know, I just love the place.
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Yeah, it feels like you re eating dessert for lunch, doesn t it?
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Absolutely.
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And then you re like, oh, it s only 650 calories, so it s not that bad, and I don t want a lot of fat, so.
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Is that what it is?
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Something, I always get the nutty boy.
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Dang it, I wish you wouldn t have told me.
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I m sorry.
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It s not horrible, though.
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No, for a whole meal.
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That s your whole meal, if you re adding to it.
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But then when I go to Dairy Queen after.
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We went to Dairy Queen for Father s Day.
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Did we?
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Yeah, we did.
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Yeah.
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What do you get at Dairy Queen?
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What s your Dairy Queen?
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What s your go-to Dairy Queen order?
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It is a medium Butterfinger Blizzard with a pump of peanut butter.
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Beautiful.
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Because it needs that.
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It does.
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It s got enough calories.
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What s yours?
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I will go to, and the only thing I ll switch is the sizes, but I will get a medium chocolate cone, just a chocolate cone, that s my normal.
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If I m being crazy, I will get a large vanilla cone double dipped in cherry.
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Double dipped in cherry.
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In cherry?
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In cherry, I love their cherry.
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It tastes like cough syrup, mostly, but I love it.
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I think it s brilliant.
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I think most people- I didn t know there was a cherry option.
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I didn t know there was a chocolate option.
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Yeah, cherry dipped.
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Okay.
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Really great.
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That s an old child.
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I used to get those when I was like four or five years old when I was a kid.
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Man, if you head over there, it s later this afternoon.
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Getting a little hungry, a little hangry.
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It is.
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Put some more money in Warren Buffett s pocket.
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OK, we re going to talk about a really, really good, kind of a dupe topic.
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We re going to talk about detachment today.
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And you hear us talk about it.
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You hear us kind of blow by it often.
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Today, we re going to talk the whole episode about detachment in your sales life.
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Yeah, this topic came from a couple of our Insider members.
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You know, we ve talked about the Insider.
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It s a group of people that get coaching once a month.
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We do an hour and 15 minute coaching session.
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We re going to be doing some promotion for that program.
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But the bottom line is they wanted more on detachment.
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And so they said that would be a good episode.
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So we ll do the episode today and talk a little bit about that topic and how it can be more valuable to you.
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And then on July 9th, is that right?
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we are going to devote our entire Insider training to that topic of detachment.
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So if you like what you hear today, it might make sense to go check out the Insider program.
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If you don t like what you hear today, then that next episode s probably not going to be all that good for you.
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But I think you ll like it.
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Got to do it.
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Yeah.
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So you had a good idea on this one, Bill.
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You wanted to define this first, kind of collectively.
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And I wrote down a little of my own.
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I want to hear what you have to say first.
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I ve got a little definition here.
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Yeah, we thought it would be good to start with the definition because we have talked about this before and if you don t define something then your mind can wander about what it really is.
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I think that detachment is the propensity to be free from outcomes in life, to be free and not enslaved by outcomes, like whether a girl likes you, whether a boy wants to marry you, whether a person buys from you, whether they try to discount you.
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The outcomes of life we need to be free from, because if we re not, it will color the way we operate in life.
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So I think the way to say it is just it s the idea that we want to be free and unenslaved from the outcomes of life.
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That s detachment.
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Love it.
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Unprepared, like so we didn t prepare these.
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Yeah.
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No.
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I wrote down in my notes here, the ability or inability to accept any outcome.
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Oh, wow.
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The ability or inability to accept any outcome.
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And I think the biggest problem that people have when they start to think about detachment is they think about it in a binary sense.
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They think about it as either I am attached or I am detached.
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Yeah, that s right.
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And I don t think that s the way to think about it.
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I think it is a spectrum.
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And I think we move up and down this spectrum based on certain conditions that are in our life at a certain time, especially in your sales life.
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So your spectrum, if you go strong detachment on the far right, strong attachment on the far left, will move to the right towards detachment.
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Maybe when you close some big deals, you re ahead of your quota, it will move to the left to strong attachment when you re behind on your quota, when your income and commissions are soft and that sort of thing.
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And that in itself is part of the problem.
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that the attachment and detachment levels are driven by outcomes.
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It s sort of against the definition, right?
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The whole thing.
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So we re detached when things are going well.
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We re attached when things aren t, which violates the whole definition of detachment.
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Completely.
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And I think that of all the things will come from this episode will be one that have your head spinning, to say, I ve got to get out of that cycle, that the outcomes are completely separate from the feeling of these.
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It would be different maybe in professional selling if...
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attached was a good thing for the prospect, but it s not even good for them.
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So if you are feeling scarce, and you don t have the pipeline that you want to have, and you re starting to feel attached to anything in it, you are not helping your prospect.
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You re just not.
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Because they re on to, they can feel that, they get that vibe, and then you can t say what needs to be said, and do what needs to be done, and
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And then they get affected by it.
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And they end up running from you because they re scared to death that they re going to get something on them if you hang around them too long.
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That s funny.
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It s like slime.
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It s like attachment slime.
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We should get one of those slime machines like they have on Nickelodeon.
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Attachment slime.
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Attachment slime.
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We should sell that stuff, shouldn t we?
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Attachment slime.
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That s a good one.
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I like it.
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That is good.
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Yeah, so and then
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I also feel, based on what you just said, that if you are in a sense where you think, OK, my attachment might be a little high, I think it s also important to explore not just what s driving that.
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So why is my attachment high?
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That s a thing to think about, is where are the attachments?
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Because the other thing I think people miss when they re really exploring detachment is all the things we re attached to.
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So we talk a lot in our training and coaching that you re attached to the deal.
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And I think that s a surface answer.
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I don t think that s, yeah, I agree.
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There are more things to it.
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Other things I m attached to, I m attached to my reputation.
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I m attached to being right.
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I m attached to looking good to my boss and trying to get praise and things like that.
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I m attached to praise at home, that I know if I come home and tell my spouse that I m going to miss my quarter, that my spouse might think lower of me or less of me.
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Or I m attached to my reputation with my peers.
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These are all things that I think go on when you kind of think of the contribution to attachment that most people don t visit.
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No, because we go right to the deal.
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We just go to the deal.
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Yeah, we got to learn to let this go.
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Even me, I m thinking, even I m talking out loud as a coach, I think sometimes I kind of like, oh, yeah, I got to let the deal go.
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I m like, well, let s figure out why we re, what all s there.
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Yeah, yeah.
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It s a pretty deep thing.
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Yeah, I wrote down here as you were talking, I think that s good.
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The idea that
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who was it that said, I think it was Michael Gervais, said that our biggest problem in our lives when it comes to realizing our potential is that we care about the opinion of others.
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Maslow said, we are not truly free until we are free from the good opinion of others, because we re constantly wanting people to feel good about us and applaud when we walk in the room.
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And that s attachment.
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And I think Michael Gervais has a point there.
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He has a podcast called Finding Mastery.
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I really like his material.
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And he s a sports psychologist.
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And he talks a lot about detachment as it relates to athletics.
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And these high-powered athletes, he coaches tennis players, and golfers, and US Olympic volleyball players.
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And of course, he s with Pete Carroll out at Seattle in the NFL football.
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But he talks a lot about detachment from the outcomes of the game or of the practice.
1
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And until you re relaxed about that, you can t really fully be in the moment, because you re in the moment of when it s over.
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We need to win this game.
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What s going to happen if we win and we lose?
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Well, you re not in the present moment when you re thinking about that.
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And if we re not in the present moment in the sales process with our prospects, if we re thinking too far ahead, either good or bad, we may get this, oh, this is feeling bad.
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You re not in the present moment, so you can t serve your client.
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SPEAKER_00
We all talk about how we want to serve our client, but we don t serve them when we re out thinking about what s going to happen if we either get or don t get the deal.
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That s wonderful.
1
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That present moment thing is so important, isn t it?
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And all those attachments take us out of it, don t they?
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Like, they move us away.
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And then it s funny.
1
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Now I m thinking, because you said something, too.
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You think of, OK, what is the attachment or detachment levels?
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How do they show up?
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One of the common things that does in the sales process that I see is if I m too attached, I don t say or do things that I m afraid will cause an event, usually a loss of the deal.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
Which then also, to your point, takes you totally out of the present moment, completely.
1
SPEAKER_01
Because you re now thinking in the future, well, if I say this to Bill, if I tell him that I can t give him a better price, he might then say, sorry, I might lose the deal.
1
SPEAKER_01
Now I m like months, weeks down the road.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m like, what?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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Instead of just being in the moment and saying, that s as good as it s going to get for me, Bill.
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And that s it.
1
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That s it.
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That s, to me, healthy detachment and being OK with whatever outcome that brings.
1
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But haven t we been trained out of the present moment by trainers or coaches or even our sales managers or sales leaders?
1
SPEAKER_00
Isn t all the inputting or all the incoming advice we get to be out of the present moment and into the future?
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, what s your income going to be next year?
1
SPEAKER_00
How are we going to close this deal?
1
SPEAKER_00
What happens if he says this, and you say that, and he says this, and she leans across the table and slaps you with a?
1
SPEAKER_00
And it seems like all of our world is in the future.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I m wondering if that doesn t have some impact on how OK we are with just being in the moment.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_01
Because it s all, and then when you play it forward, you know, here s a little trick I like to give, not trick, but like a test.
1
SPEAKER_01
And all of us have these.
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Can you remember back like when you first started in sales coaching, or early on kind of first five or six years, whatever it was, of a client that you had was like your kind of first big, meaningful client.
1
SPEAKER_01
And you got to a point in the business where, boy, if they left you,
1
SPEAKER_01
it would be really bad.
1
SPEAKER_01
You got that, the person?
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SPEAKER_01
I have that, too.
1
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And where are they now?
1
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Are they a client?
1
SPEAKER_01
No, mine either.
1
SPEAKER_01
Not even close.
1
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I haven t talked to them.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t know where they are.
1
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I don t know if they re still alive or not.
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See what I mean?
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But in that moment, to us, life would have ended if they re gone.
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And now we haven t talked to them for 15 years.
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We re both doing just fine.
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SPEAKER_01
That s a great little mechanism.
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And based on your tenure in selling, if you re newish, you can t go back that far.
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But I m telling you, these clients come and go, don t they?
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And we grow, and they grow, and things change.
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SPEAKER_01
And so that s just a natural course of.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
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Existence.
1
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And I know that you and I have talked some off camera and off mic and some on about we have a guy that both of us follow, Saad Guru.
1
SPEAKER_00
And he s a yogic mystic.
1
SPEAKER_00
But contemporary.
1
SPEAKER_00
He s very funny.
1
SPEAKER_00
He s been on a lot of podcasts lately.
1
SPEAKER_00
He must be promoting something.
1
SPEAKER_00
But he talks a lot about our thoughts.
1
SPEAKER_00
And he says that if you have a thought that comes into your brain like, oh my gosh, I m going to lose this deal,
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SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
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SPEAKER_00
Or, oh my gosh, if I get this deal, I m going to be a freaking hero.
1
SPEAKER_00
Right.
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Whatever the thought is, you have to let it pass.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
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SPEAKER_00
Because the thought is not helpful either way.
1
SPEAKER_00
If you get too positive about it, you re going to take shortcuts, and you re not going to be buttoned up.
1
SPEAKER_00
If you get too negative about it, you re going to get off a bad vibe.
1
SPEAKER_00
So he says, the training in being present is to allow those thoughts just to pass us.
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SPEAKER_01
Yes.
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SPEAKER_00
Just notice them, and then just whew.
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Let them go, because they are not helpful, and they take you out of the present.
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And believe me, this is not something I m super good at.
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Right.
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But sometimes when you have a framework, like let it pass.
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Just let the thought pass.
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Then when you do have a thought about good or bad, something in the future, it s easier to say, oh, I know what that is.
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Yeah.
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That s a thought about something I don t need right now.
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Yeah.
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Just got to let it go.
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Yeah.
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It doesn t serve me.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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I love the noticing.
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That s acknowledging that thought is there.
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And then I love the idea of letting it go.
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letting it pass by.
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We used to watch, I grew up in a small town in the Ohio River on the border of Indiana, Kentucky.
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And you did this, it sounds really boring to most humans, but you would go watch barges.
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And barges go about 20 miles an hour.
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And you can see them, where I lived on the Ohio River was this big, long bend.
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They came out of this lock and dam area, and you could literally watch them.
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all the way down around this corner.
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And you just sit there for hours and just watch them go by.
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Some people write all the names down.
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Oh, really?
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That s what I picture.
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I picture letting that thought just kind of come by.
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It s like a cloud.
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And it just goes away.
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And then these barges will go around the bend.
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They were gone.
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Never saw them again, ever.
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No idea.
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And they never said to you, they never said to each other at that night, hey, who were those two people up on the side of the mountain there?
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Did you see?
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So I work on a barge.
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And we go through Newburgh.
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There s this kid who sits out there with his girlfriend.
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So the bottom line is, they don t care about you.
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But one thing before we close here, detachment does not mean I don t care.
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It doesn t mean disengagement.
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It doesn t mean disassociation.
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There s all sorts of psychological terms for that, that this is not, this is really just a matter of you deciding what are you going to pay attention to
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And how much in the future are you going to live?
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Yep And we don t want to live in our past and we don t want to live in our future We must live in the present sometimes that attachment to the way things The way we want things to work out gets us in trouble in the present moment.
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Absolutely, and I would take a deep Listen to this episode.
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I would also just do some personal exploration
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exploration so that you can just start to go down a different path or a different journey on your relationship with detachment, attachment.
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The last thing I would leave with is give yourself some grace also.
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You said this is a tough topic.
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It s a tough topic for me.
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I think it s a tough topic for all of us.
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because we re getting lots of messages that say, be attached.
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Almost every message we get has an underpinning of attachment.
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And if you like the topic, make sure you join us.
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Go to advancedsellingpodcast.com slash insider, our private training group.
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We re going to go a lot deeper into this on July 9th.
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Good stuff.
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See you next time.
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See you.
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Bye.