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All right, time for Fan Mail Friday, where we ll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right.
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If you re new to the Art of Charm podcast, this isn t a great place to start because most of our content is much more in-depth and a lot longer format.
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So check out the best of at theartofcharm.com slash best, or the Fundamentals Toolbox at theartofcharm.com slash toolbox.
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That s where we ve got the fundamentals of body language, nonverbal communication, negotiation, networking, and everything else we teach here at the Art of Charm.
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All right, let s do it.
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Dear Jordan, I always get bored with women I date and in record time.
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Is there something wrong with me?
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Signed, Shifty Eyed.
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Hey Shifty, not really.
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Not a whole lot wrong with you, if anything.
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Some guys just don t function well in long term relationships.
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You might just not be ready for one.
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And of course, there s the possibility that you just haven t found the right girl yet.
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Whatever the issue is, just don t sweat it.
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Be honest with the women that you re dating and everything will be fine.
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At the end of the day, we all have to do what is best for us and it s best to do that before you get into something deep that you don t want to be in.
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If this is a recurring pattern and you re over the age of, say, 30, then check in with a therapist just to see what might be going on.
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This is especially important if maybe your parents didn t have a very functional relationship either.
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It s best to nip these problems in the bud before they get too consuming.
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Good luck with it.
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Keep us posted.
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Dear Jordan, I feel sort of silly even writing about this, but I m a chubby dude.
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Fat, even.
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My problem isn t that.
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I m actually pretty okay with it.
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My problem is that I only really like super hot women.
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I m talking nine plus or nothing at all.
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Am I being realistic or do I need to lower my expectations?
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Signed, LipUpFatty.
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Hey, lip up.
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Well, first of all, we don t use the 1 to 10 scale at the Art of Charm.
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Rather, I m more of a fan of the 0 to 1 binary scale, where a 0 is no and a 1 is yes.
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Basically, look, if she s attractive enough that you want to get to know her better, there s no need in assigning her a number.
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I think it s weird and unproductive and kind of gross.
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So hopefully you follow me on that one.
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But to address your other question, it basically needs to be broken down into two parts.
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First, it s worth mentioning that there are tons of women out there that like bigger guys.
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However, men are more obsessed with looks than women, so what you need to remember is that there are other ways to quote-unquote sell yourself, such as confidence, which you appear to have, and a sense of humor, which, based on your brief email, I m guessing you have at least a little bit of.
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A lot of guys out there have a hard time believing this, and that s another topic altogether,
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But your personality and social skills are going to be the thing that closes the deal.
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And that s where AOC and everything we teach here, especially in our toolbox, comes in.
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So don t worry as much about it as you are.
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But hey, man, if it s going to help your health and it s going to help your confidence, then go for it.
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Figure it out.
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Lose the weight.
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Get in shape.
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You won t regret that.
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Hey Jordan, so I ve met a great woman and I really want to have a relationship with her.
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She s attractive, intelligent, and has her life together.
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The problem?
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She lives in another country on the other side of the world.
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We can see each other a few times a year, but I m not sure that I can hack it in a long-distance relationship like that over the long term.
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Advice?
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Signed, international lover.
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hey, this is a tough one.
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A friend of mine was in a similar situation very recently, though, so I ve got some sort of hands-on experience seeing how guys make this stuff work.
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Here s the good news.
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You can totally make a long-distance relationship work.
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The bad news is it s not gonna be easy, but nothing worth doing ever is.
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If you re gonna be with this woman, you need to commit fully to the situation, whatever it is that the two of you decide on.
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You better lay out some firm ground rules early on with regard to what you expect from one another, and you need to stick to those rules.
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Staying in contact is easier than ever and you need to make an effort to do that via Skype or WhatsApp.
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That s a way you can text internationally using 3G so you don t incur huge phone bills or LTE or whatever it is now.
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So you don t have huge phone bills.
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And finally, it s important that you be completely honest with her.
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Follow all of these and always have a plan on when you re gonna see each other next and everything should be more or less fine.
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But bear in mind, you ve gotta have a light at the end of that tunnel or it can get emotionally exhausting.
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Cy writes, I don t have enough time to listen.
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Can you make shorter episodes that are more condensed?
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Hey Cy, no.
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Let me rephrase that, heck no.
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The amount of work required to do even this type of episode is absolutely insane.
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A lot of people don t know this, but you can speed up the podcast to play it at 1.5 the speed or double speed if you don t have time to listen at regular speed, but there s just no way we re gonna put in even more work to help people who are not willing to invest back in themselves even.
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by taking the time to absorb us.
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Not gonna happen.
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Hey Curious, I m gonna assume that you re asking me this because you re a regular old white guy just like me.
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We did a podcast on this recently, but basically the long story made short is there s no way to quote unquote pick up black women.
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There s just techniques that create attraction between you and pretty much any woman.
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So put simply,
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Whether or not it works on a specific person says much more about what you are when you relate to others than it does about her or her specific culture.
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Sure, there might be nuances between cultures that shouldn t be ignored, but you ll learn those as you go along, and the basics are much more important than anything I could communicate here on Fan Mail Friday.
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So best of luck with that, and just stop thinking about it, and you ll probably be fine.
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Hey, Art of Charm listeners, I m excited to share a new podcast I ve been absolutely binging.
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Winning is an everyday mindset, and Craig Robinson and John Calipari are here to help.
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On Ways to Win podcast, Craig and Coach Cal use their on-court wisdom to solve your off-court problems.
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Whether it s trouble at home or a workplace dilemma, the coaches will help you find a winning formula for success.
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You ll hear from prominent athletes, business leaders, and celebrities who reveal insights that made them into the leaders they are today.
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And don t miss President Obama sharing how he deals with pressure by projecting confidence, believing in your team, and taking criticism.
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Listen to Ways to Win wherever you get your podcasts.
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Hey Jordan, I did something that I never do this weekend.
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I hooked up with a random girl while out of town on business.
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That s not really a bad thing, but I wasn t terribly responsible.
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We had unprotected sex.
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What s more, I have no idea if she was on the pill or anything.
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Basically, the only thing I know about her is her first name, so there s no way of contacting her about pregnancy if that s where it goes.
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I guess my question is what, if anything, do I do at this point?
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Signed, Remorseful in Reno.
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Hey Remorseful, listen, you re right.
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You are not terribly responsible.
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The first thing you need to do is get over that.
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People make mistakes all the time, and in the grand scheme of things, this probably isn t the biggest mistake you could have made.
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But there are a couple things that are unavoidable when talking about this.
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First, pregnancy.
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You don t know how to get a hold of her, so that s kind of out of your hands at this point.
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I generally urge men in your situation to exchange information in the event that you need to deal with an emergency like this, whatever that might mean in the situation.
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Of course, there s also the specter of disease hanging over you right now, and you can t be terribly jazzed about that either.
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Here s the good news.
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Your chances of getting a sexually transmitted infection that you can t get rid of are pretty slim, but you owe it to yourself and your future partners to get checked out ASAP.
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Unfortunately, along with ASAP, it ll be a few weeks before anything will actually show up, so my advice is to call a clinic or your primary care provider and tell them what you just told me.
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They ll be able to give you the skinny on getting yourself checked out and, if need be, getting treated.
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Until then, keep it in your pants so you don t spread anything.
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Best of luck and keep your head up.
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Speaking of worrying about your you-know-what falling off, this week our weekly video is
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It s kind of about worrying, when it s effective and when it s not, and how we can break the habit of worry and replace it with something new and more effective.
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A link to the video with the blog post can be found at theartofcharm.com slash fmf42.
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I hope you enjoyed that, and don t forget, you can reach us at Friday at theartofcharm.com.
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We read everything and we d love to hear from you.
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Quick shout out to Franklin in Brazil.
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Got a new job down there and listens to AOC to help keep a connection to the homeland.
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Proud to be that connection for you, Franklin.
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Are you in a strange land listening to my familiar voice?
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If so, hit me up, I d love to shout you out on the show.
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More from AOC at theartofcharm.com.
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Now have a great weekend, get out there and connect, and leave everyone better than you found them.
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Thanks for listening to The Art of Charm.
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Get more confidence, relationship skills, life hacks, and more at theartofcharmpodcast.com.