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Welcome to Mini-Sowed Monday.
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Happy to be here with you, kicking the week off with something quick and actionable that you can implement right away that ll make you more magnetic and effective.
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Today I m with my friend David Berkus, author of Under New Management, among other books, right?
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You ve written a couple here and there.
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Yeah, Under New Management, Myths of Creativity, and Working on the Third.
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Right, Working on the Third.
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Terrible title.
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No, that s not the title, that s just, we don t know what the title is yet.
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Anyway, I m glad that you, thank you for explaining that to me.
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Today we re gonna talk about how to tell if your network is too dense, and you need, kind of like that last joke, and needs to be expanded.
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So go ahead, David, knock it out.
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So one of the things we talked about in a longer interview when I talk about an under new management is that we have this assumption that the five people you interact with most are going to be the biggest influences on your life and that you need to have this sort of tried and true band of brothers type team that goes from problem to problem and you keep relying on all those people.
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But that s not actually supported by the research.
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The research sort of lends this idea that for every project it s best to go kind of out into your network and form a custom tailored team for that problem and be
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constantly refreshing.
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So you have this certain project, you grab this team of people, when that project s over you disband and you get, some people might have worked with you on a previous project, most won t, and you have this kind of ever fluid network.
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And that s really the best way to manage out teams instead of same team for every single project, different team for different projects.
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The challenge with that though, is that you have to have a network that s wide enough to allow you to have those different teams.
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And so often, especially as we get older and we get into our routines, our network gets more and more dense, meaning kind of everybody knows everybody and the number of people that you know or could meet is limited.
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So one exercise I work with a lot of people on when we re trying to kind of figure this out is a really quick, simple like notepad exercise of just grab a notepad.
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and list out the 10 people you interact with most and there s nothing magical about 10 you could go to 15 if you ve got that many you could go to 5 if you feel like you don t have a lot of friends but list that around the top 10 people you interact with most and then stare at that list and look at and start thinking about how many of those people would also be on their each other s 10 person list so how many of those people know each other how often do you all hang out together versus
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Do you know 10 people from sort of 10 different areas?
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Too many.
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If none of them know each other, you ve got a little bit of a problem because you re not going to get a good team.
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But more often the problem is everybody knows everybody.
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And so your network is too dense to allow these constantly refreshing teams and reaching out to new people for help, which means you probably have to develop your network a bit more organically and add some new people to it.
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So if your network s too dense, that s a huge problem.
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If everybody on that list knows everybody, that s a pretty big deal that you ve got to start thinking about.
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How do you expand it to get it less dense?
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Thanks so much to David for that.
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Don t forget about the Art of Charm Challenge.
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We ll help you connect with others, create more productive personal and business relationships, and we ve got step-by-step challenges every week to help you move forward.
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Text CHARMED to 33444 in the USA or go to theartofcharm.com slash challenge and get rocking.
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And here s producer Jason with this week s coming attractions.
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Thanks for that, Jordan.
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On Tuesday, we re talking to Dr. Carmen Simon, author of Impossible to Ignore.
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We talk about memory and how to stay on people s minds, how to influence other people s memory, why remembering the future is more important than remembering the past, and when forgetting is actually better than remembering, and how to influence others to forget as well.
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On Thursday, we re joined by Chris Voss, author of Never Split the Difference.
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He s a former FBI hostage and kidnapping negotiator.
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We re going to talk about kidnapping and hostage negotiation, complete with stories to illustrate his points, negotiation and emotional persuasion, three types of negotiators you ll encounter and how to size them up, how to influence how other people size you up, diffusing negative emotions, generating rapport in difficult situations, and much more.
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And as always, Fan Mail Friday, where we ll be answering your questions and dropping the knowledge.
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You can get more from AOC at theartofcharm.com.
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For information on our live residential boot camps that we run every single week in LA, head over to bootcamp.theartofcharm.com.
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If you want to really dig into this stuff and work on your skills with us as your coaches, there s no better place to start.
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That s bootcamp.theartofcharm.com.