0
SPEAKER_00
This is the art of charm.
0
SPEAKER_00
Learn everything you need to know to crush it in business, love, and life.
0
SPEAKER_00
Today we re talking with author Dan Millman, good friend of mine, author of The Peaceful Warrior s Way, or The Way of the Peaceful Warrior, if you saw the movie.
0
SPEAKER_00
Today we re talking about his new book, The Four Purposes of Life, learning life s lessons, career and calling being two different things and not necessarily something you should merge into one, and more, actually.
0
SPEAKER_00
We re gonna talk in depth with Dan about learning life s lessons, the earth,
0
SPEAKER_00
your life as the classroom, and more here on this episode of AOC.
0
SPEAKER_00
And with that, welcome to The Art of Charm.
0
SPEAKER_00
I m your host, Jordan Harbinger.
0
SPEAKER_00
I m here with producer Jason.
0
SPEAKER_00
The Art of Charm brings together the best thought leaders, teachers, and exceptional individuals to teach you how to be a top performer in life, love, and at work.
0
SPEAKER_00
We may not have all the answers, but we definitely have some of the questions.
0
SPEAKER_00
And with that, here s Dan Millman.
0
SPEAKER_00
Tell us what you do in one sentence.
0
SPEAKER_01
I write books and I speak where I m invited around the world, so that s what I do.
0
SPEAKER_01
My first book came out in 1979, to give you some ideas, well over 30 years.
0
SPEAKER_00
Right, so not to make you feel old, but the majority, or at least a large part of the people listening are like, yeah, my parents told me about that year before I was born, or some people.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yes, I hear people say, when I was in kindergarten, your book inspired me, so I m getting older all the time.
0
SPEAKER_01
True, but aging gracefully.
0
SPEAKER_00
That s okay.
0
SPEAKER_00
Look, we ve met in person a few times, and I can tell ya, I really hope I m in as good a shape as you are when I am quote-unquote your age, because you can t tell.
0
SPEAKER_00
You know, it s funny, because aging is inevitable, right, of course, but there are ways to do it better than others, and I never really noticed until...
0
SPEAKER_00
kind of recently, the last few years, I went to visit my parents and I thought, wow, you know, they re getting a little bit older.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s this weird sort of mortality feeling that you get because then you look and you go, am I getting older?
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, my God, I am.
0
SPEAKER_00
Then I went out to dinner with my parents and we met up with some of their friends.
0
SPEAKER_00
And when we got home, I said, wow, Jack and Elaine look really, really old.
0
SPEAKER_00
You know, I guess I just didn t notice.
0
SPEAKER_00
And she said, they re younger than us by a lot.
0
SPEAKER_01
Right.
0
SPEAKER_01
Well, I guess people do genetics plus lifestyle.
0
SPEAKER_01
We can trigger genes and the telomeres and all that.
0
SPEAKER_01
So many things account, some in our control, some not in our control in terms of how young we look or feel.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s a winding path.
0
SPEAKER_01
But all we can do is age as gracefully as we can.
0
SPEAKER_01
It brings up a related topic, though, Jordan, because when people ask an author, what book are you most excited about, it s inevitably, hopefully, the one they re working on now.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I m hard at work on the third and final book in my Peaceful Warrior trilogy called The Hidden School, which will be out next year.
0
SPEAKER_01
Maybe we can talk about it then.
0
SPEAKER_01
But that book is gonna be dealing with
0
SPEAKER_01
something that ll be of concern to so many aging people, baby boomers.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m not alone in this, of course, but I ll express it in my own way, which is really aging and death and life and appreciating life and how precious it is, but from a common sense, yet existential viewpoint as well.
0
SPEAKER_01
So I hope to present some really good substance within the context of a great adventure story, another quest.
0
SPEAKER_01
So that s the book I m working on now, but I m always asked to talk about my last book,
0
SPEAKER_01
which of course is the four purposes of life.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yes, how is the book going?
0
SPEAKER_00
How s the sales going and the promo going and all that jazz?
0
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
0
SPEAKER_01
They never let me know anything, but I m sure it s gotten out there.
0
SPEAKER_01
I ve been talking it up for a while, but this is the most looked forward to interview pretty much that I m doing.
0
SPEAKER_00
Well good, I hope we got that on tape.
0
SPEAKER_00
I do wonder, has writing kept you young because it requires tons of research, tons of work, tons of stretching the brain, proverbially, and it seems like that, now new research is showing, keeps us younger longer.
0
SPEAKER_00
Have you noticed an effect because you continually work?
0
SPEAKER_01
I think I have.
0
SPEAKER_01
I seem to be mentally sharper when I m working on a book.
0
SPEAKER_01
It must open up some synapses or something of that sort in my brain.
0
SPEAKER_01
So I don t have to do a lot of brain gym or brain games, that sort of thing.
0
SPEAKER_01
Many people do, or crossword puzzles.
0
SPEAKER_01
Writing is my mental stimulus.
0
SPEAKER_01
So I would say there s something to that.
0
SPEAKER_01
It reminds me of that great quote by C. Day Lewis, the father of the actor Daniel Day Lewis, who said,
0
SPEAKER_01
I write not in order to be understood.
0
SPEAKER_01
I write in order to understand.
0
SPEAKER_01
So I think it does open up ideas in that channel to creativity in doing that process we call writing.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s not just for people who want to get a book published.
0
SPEAKER_01
Most people think of the outcomes.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s just a great process.
0
SPEAKER_01
A friend of mine, Mark Salzman, who wrote a book called Iron and Silk,
0
SPEAKER_01
He s a wonderful writer.
0
SPEAKER_01
He s written about six books, some terrific novels, and non-fiction books, and he went to the juvenile prison in Los Angeles, and was gonna just do one seminar, ended up working for a full year with these at-risk youth, helping them express themselves.
0
SPEAKER_01
And they have writing programs in many prisons, for example, to help people find the words for what they re feeling and thinking, and it can change their lives.
0
SPEAKER_01
Just the process of writing, so journaling can be
0
SPEAKER_01
really wonderful for anybody, whether or not they have aspirations to get published.
0
SPEAKER_00
Jason, you journal.
0
SPEAKER_00
We just talked about this.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, every single morning, couple pages, longhand.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
Terrific.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, that s so good.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s one of my few regrets that I didn t do regular journaling in my life.
0
SPEAKER_01
Many of us, our journal is, in a sense, our calendar.
0
SPEAKER_01
We look at that, we can look back on our life, what we were doing when.
0
SPEAKER_01
So in a way, everyone journals who keeps track of their online calendar for a number of years.
0
SPEAKER_01
But I think it s really a tremendous discipline.
0
SPEAKER_01
Even a few lines, a paragraph or two can be tremendous.
0
SPEAKER_01
Looking back, if I can only look back when I was in my 20s, 30s, what I was doing and thinking, I think it grows in value over time.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I often think, am I gonna be 75 or something and listening to all my old podcast episodes on doublespeed and being like, this is where I talk about my life, kind of, with other people who are now all old or not here anymore or whatever.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, who knows, it s a whole new ball game with the technology we have now.
0
SPEAKER_01
That could be fascinating for you, yeah, in 20 years.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s a form of memoir, in a way.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I often think like, what if I just left my equipment on for five minutes a day in the morning?
0
SPEAKER_00
Writing definitely has something to do with it, the long hand, the brain, et cetera, et cetera, there s all those connections, but I m wondering,
0
SPEAKER_00
look, if I don t do that, what if I just talked for five minutes a day about what my day was like every day, and just let that sit somewhere in Dropbox, you know, not necessarily public, and it could turn into something over time.
0
SPEAKER_00
And I think there s a lot to be said for that practice of having memories to look back on, not only to look back and say, I did this, or look at how interesting this was back then, or look at what I ve accomplished, but to see kind of the bigger picture in our lives,
0
SPEAKER_00
has value in and of itself, because I think there s this whole mindfulness thing of be in the moment, be in the now, and I think that s a great thing, but I think sometimes when your now is really tough, and you re stressed out, and life has really kind of dragged you down, it can help to look back and go, oh, I ve been here before, and I ve made it through just fine.
0
SPEAKER_01
I would so agree with that.
0
SPEAKER_01
Even though memories may be slightly distorted, may not reflect exactly what happened, it s from our perspective,
0
SPEAKER_01
We remember through a filter just as we perceive life through a filter, day-to-day, moment-to-moment.
0
SPEAKER_01
But still we have that ability to remember, whereas we re not sure that many species remember in the same way.
0
SPEAKER_01
And we also have this ability to project our imagination into the future.
0
SPEAKER_01
So it s not as if there s something bad about looking back, thinking about what we call the past, or looking ahead to what we call the future.
0
SPEAKER_01
We have these capacities, and there have been people who
0
SPEAKER_01
lost that capacity through a brain injury and they do live moment to moment because they have no choice and it s a strange life in a way.
0
SPEAKER_01
So all this information, these ideas of living in the present are really saying it may be more effective and functional to handle what s in front of us.
0
SPEAKER_01
and not worry as much about the past or the future.
0
SPEAKER_01
But still, that isn t to say it isn t valuable to look back.
0
SPEAKER_01
When people talk about writing books, it doesn t mean you have to sit down in longhand or sit down in front of a keyboard.
0
SPEAKER_01
I think it s perfectly viable to just talk into a recorder.
0
SPEAKER_01
And some people, that s how they flow.
0
SPEAKER_01
And they can always, if they want, have it transcribed to text later.
0
SPEAKER_01
My parents, as they were getting older, before they lost the capacity to really articulate some of their memories,
0
SPEAKER_01
I hired a lady who did a business to go and inquire and ask questions of older people for their families.
0
SPEAKER_01
So I was able to get a lot of information about their youth, what life was like for them when they were young, and I ve got these on old cassette tapes.
0
SPEAKER_01
I really treasure them, what they remember, where their parents came from and what it was like as children.
0
SPEAKER_01
So I do encourage people, if I had a literary mission, it would be to encourage everyone in some form or the other to write memoir, to write down their thoughts.
1
SPEAKER_02
their thoughts, their feelings, their experiences.
1
SPEAKER_02
Because the way I see it is that each of our lives is a story unlike any other on the planet.
1
SPEAKER_02
Your life, nobody has a story exactly like yours or mine.
1
SPEAKER_02
And in a way our lives are like a novel being written.
1
SPEAKER_02
We never know what the next chapter s gonna be.
1
SPEAKER_02
And we re characters in that novel.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I like to look at my life that way.
1
SPEAKER_01
I think that s a healthy perspective in a lot of ways, because otherwise you can get bogged down in the day-to-day.
1
SPEAKER_01
And again, mindfulness, very positive movement, very positive skillset, or status, or whatever you want to call it, but I think there is something to be said for zooming out, and the only way to do that is to have some sort of record of what happened that s not just purely memory,
1
SPEAKER_01
because your memory s only gonna focus on what it wants to focus on, which a lot of times is the bad thing that happened a month ago, or the good thing that happened a year ago, instead of having a more balanced, realistic look at things, which might help you find more perspective and more purpose.
1
SPEAKER_01
Speaking of purpose, your new book, The Four Purposes of Life, is something that initially I thought, oh, okay, everybody s kind of writing about purpose, and what am I here to do, and what s the meaning of life, or whatever, not a new question, but why did you decide to write this book?
1
SPEAKER_02
A couple reasons, if everybody s writing about purpose, it s because it s an important topic in life.
1
SPEAKER_02
You know, in the Peaceful Warrior movie, based on my first book, there s a scene in which the character, Dan s character, hikes with his old mentor, Socrates, played by Nick Nolte in the movie, and they hike to the top of this mountain.
1
SPEAKER_02
And Dan comes to the realization that it s the journey that makes us happy and not the destination.
1
SPEAKER_02
That s a nice little insight that he had.
1
SPEAKER_02
But we have to also consider that without a destination in mind, there is no journey.
1
SPEAKER_02
We just wander around.
1
SPEAKER_02
So to our point A, where we are now, everyone needs a point B. I believe we re hardwired purpose seekers, goal seekers.
1
SPEAKER_02
It gives us motion in life.
1
SPEAKER_02
In fact, one could define a good life or a successful life as one that is moving toward a meaningful or worthwhile purpose for them.
1
SPEAKER_02
Not getting anywhere, but moving toward a purpose.
1
SPEAKER_02
Most of us, if we look back on our lives, those times in our lives when we ve had a goal, whether it s been in a sport or academics or learning a musical instrument, when we ve had a purpose, day to day, moment to moment, our lives become more meaningful.
1
SPEAKER_02
which I think we are interested in even more than what we call happiness.
1
SPEAKER_02
Happiness is not just walking around with a gleeful smile on our face.
1
SPEAKER_02
It s having a sense of that our lives count for something and to be immersed in the moment.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I think that requires that sense of purpose.
1
SPEAKER_02
So the reason I wrote The Four Purposes of Life
1
SPEAKER_02
You know, why not six?
1
SPEAKER_02
Why not three?
1
SPEAKER_02
And why not one?
1
SPEAKER_02
A friend of mine, as I wrote in the introduction, you know, he said, I know the purpose of life.
1
SPEAKER_02
It s learning to love.
1
SPEAKER_02
Whatever the question, love is the answer.
1
SPEAKER_02
Well, you know, in a bigger picture, I couldn t argue with that.
1
SPEAKER_02
You know, that sounds like a good purpose.
1
SPEAKER_02
Somebody else said, well, wait a minute.
1
SPEAKER_02
Isn t the human purpose awakening of some kind?
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, that sounds great to me too.
1
SPEAKER_02
And other people come up with other ideas, which is great.
1
SPEAKER_02
But just as we divide the points on a compass into four primary directions, or the days of the year into four seasons, by looking at our lives through the lens of the four purposes I describe in the book, it really gives us a handle, a structure on our lives that I think is relevant and makes sense.
1
SPEAKER_02
in terms of what we re doing here and what we re here to do.
1
SPEAKER_01
I think the book is well done, of course.
1
SPEAKER_01
I mean, it s not your first rodeo, so you don t need my accolades to feel good about it, but I ll tell you, I did enjoy it.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I think in the beginning, maybe you wrote this or maybe I m making this up, but it says this book is written with special consideration for those at a crossroads.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I couldn t agree more.
1
SPEAKER_01
I think a lot of the email that we get from AOC family that s like,
1
SPEAKER_01
I want to quit my job, or I m thinking about having a kid, or I just graduated from school, or some other thing, you know, ending a relationship or beginning one, I think that some of the same questions often crop up, and some of the answers are largely dependent, of course, upon one s path and life experience.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I notice the book is divided into, obviously, these four purposes.
1
SPEAKER_01
Why don t we dig into that a little bit?
1
SPEAKER_01
Because they weren t something I could predict, right?
1
SPEAKER_01
I gotta give you that.
1
SPEAKER_01
I didn t see most of these coming, even though they make sense when you read them.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yes, someone else might write four purposes or six, and they might be quite different, but you know, I wrote another book.
1
SPEAKER_02
which is relevant.
1
SPEAKER_02
It was a major publication and all that.
1
SPEAKER_02
It featured what I call 12 gateways to personal growth.
1
SPEAKER_02
In other words, 12 areas that I would define to comprise the entire area of what we call personal development or personal growth, a foundation for our lives.
1
SPEAKER_02
And why 12?
1
SPEAKER_02
I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_02
It just came out that way, even though 12 is a significant number, I suppose, astrologically and 12 jurors and
1
SPEAKER_02
the 12 gates of Jerusalem and 12 disciples of Christ.
1
SPEAKER_02
I mean, there are a lot of 12s around, but I didn t try to fit it into that.
1
SPEAKER_02
It just came out, 12.
1
SPEAKER_02
We ll have a chance to talk about that actually in the first purpose of life, which is learning life s lessons.
1
SPEAKER_02
That sounds so mundane.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, like back in school, you know, we have to learn something, but it really is much more radical than just saying, yes, we learn from our life experience.
1
SPEAKER_02
It s saying, I m proposing that Earth is a perfect school for souls, if you will, and that daily life is our classroom.
1
SPEAKER_02
Every day we learn lessons.
1
SPEAKER_02
I m also saying that no one needs to read my book, or any books I ve written, or any books anyone has written, or ever attend a seminar, in order to continue to evolve and learn and grow as a human being.
1
SPEAKER_02
People were growing and evolving before there were books and seminars.
1
SPEAKER_02
you might well ask, well then, Dan, why do you write books and why do you teach seminars if people are going to evolve anyway?
1
SPEAKER_02
And because a good reminder, whether it s written or auditory, a good reminder may give us a lens to help us see life more clearly and learn the lessons of everyday life.
1
SPEAKER_02
with a little more grace, a little less pain, and maybe save us some time on the journey, unnecessary sidetracks.
1
SPEAKER_02
So that s why I write and speak.
1
SPEAKER_02
And I m also saying it s impossible for anyone to fail at anything as long as they ve learned a lesson from it.
1
SPEAKER_02
And what I mean is,
1
SPEAKER_02
that the lesson is not just the icing on the cake, it s the cake itself.
1
SPEAKER_02
It s all about learning.
1
SPEAKER_02
By learning, I don t mean like we did back in school.
1
SPEAKER_02
Those are practical skills, adding, subtracting, some math, some English, that help us in the rest of our social daily life.
1
SPEAKER_02
But I m talking about more existential lessons.
1
SPEAKER_02
And someone could also ask, well, fine, if we re here to learn, then what courses do we need to pass in order to graduate?
1
SPEAKER_02
I actually list 12 courses, which are the same as those 12 gateways I mentioned in that other book.
1
SPEAKER_02
These are courses in the School of Life.
1
SPEAKER_02
I ve had a recurring dream.
1
SPEAKER_02
I believe you may have had a dream like this or very similar to it, and many of your listeners have had this dream or a very similar one.
1
SPEAKER_02
Here s how it goes.
1
SPEAKER_02
I m in the dream, and I realize I have a final exam I ve got to get to.
1
SPEAKER_02
It s a big exam, but then I realize that I signed up for the course, but I forgot I d signed up, and I never went to any classes.
1
SPEAKER_02
And the irony of this dream, the reason I m mentioning it, and this may be recognizable among some of your listeners, and many people have had it but don t remember the dream.
1
SPEAKER_02
I still have it, and I haven t been in school for a decade and a half.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, no, it can happen decades after school, but the irony is that this describes our lives.
1
SPEAKER_02
Every day we re tested by something in a relationship, or money, or a decision we have to make, but we don t know what courses we signed up for.
1
SPEAKER_02
And so I summarize them in The Four Purposes of Life.
1
SPEAKER_02
Again, The Four Purposes of Life, for those interested in my books, really puts together the pieces of the puzzle.
1
SPEAKER_02
Those who ve read a number of my different books, gee, how does it fit?
1
SPEAKER_02
Dan wrote a book that seemed like a numerology or life purpose, and another book on this topic, on the spiritual laws or universal laws.
1
SPEAKER_02
How do they fit together?
1
SPEAKER_02
Well, this book puts it together.
1
SPEAKER_02
And these 12 courses we re here, we re working on.
1
SPEAKER_02
They re required courses.
1
SPEAKER_02
Nobody can skip any.
1
SPEAKER_02
This is the education that s the foundation of our lives.
1
SPEAKER_02
It s not just about having a good relationship.
1
SPEAKER_02
That s great.
1
SPEAKER_02
It s not just about being successful in business, making money, or being an artist or whatever.
1
SPEAKER_02
These lessons are what we learn through all those challenges of everyday life, whatever path we choose.
1
SPEAKER_01
So far, I m loving it.
1
SPEAKER_01
I need to take a quick break, but when we get back, I want to hear about these 12 courses and give us a brief explanation of each one.
1
SPEAKER_01
This is Art of Charm.
1
SPEAKER_00
Hey, Art of Charm listeners, I m excited to share a new podcast I ve been absolutely binging.
1
SPEAKER_00
Winning is an everyday mindset, and Craig Robinson and John Calipari are here to help.
1
SPEAKER_00
On Ways to Win podcast, Craig and Coach Cal use their on-court wisdom to solve your off-court problems.
1
SPEAKER_00
Whether it s trouble at home or a workplace dilemma,
2
SPEAKER_00
The coaches will help you find a winning formula for success.
2
SPEAKER_00
You ll hear from prominent athletes, business leaders, and celebrities who reveal insights that made them into the leaders they are today.
2
SPEAKER_00
And don t miss President Obama sharing how he deals with pressure by projecting confidence, believing in your team, and taking criticism.
2
SPEAKER_00
Listen to Ways to Win wherever you get your podcasts.
2
SPEAKER_02
Over the last 17 years, we have launched our fair share of online courses, coaching programs, and finding the right platform has always been a challenge.
2
SPEAKER_00
They say if you do what you love, you never work a day in your life.
2
SPEAKER_00
But if you re an entrepreneur, you know the hard work that comes with it.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s why you need Kajabi.
2
SPEAKER_00
Kajabi makes it easy to run your entire online business from one platform so you can focus on what you love.
2
SPEAKER_00
Creating.
2
SPEAKER_02
Kajabi is the ultimate all-in-one platform that helps creators and entrepreneurs build successful online businesses by unlocking predictable recurring revenue.
2
SPEAKER_00
No matter your niche, Kajabi makes it easy to turn your skills, passions, and experiences into enriching online courses, exclusive membership sites, subscription podcasts, thriving communities, personalized coaching, and more.
2
SPEAKER_02
The best part?
2
SPEAKER_02
Kajabi doesn t cut into your revenue because everything is owned and controlled by you.
2
SPEAKER_02
So keep 100% of what you earn.
2
SPEAKER_00
And with Kajabi, you also get robust analytics, easy payment options, email marketing tools, and customizable website templates, all built in.
2
SPEAKER_02
You don t even need a huge audience to make sustainable income.
2
SPEAKER_02
There are thousands of creators on Kajabi making six and seven figures with less than 50,000 followers.
2
SPEAKER_00
Right now, Kajabi is offering a free 30-day trial to start your business if you go to kajabi.com slash charm.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s K-A-J-A-B-I dot com slash charm.
2
SPEAKER_02
Go to Kajabi.com slash charm and join the creators and entrepreneurs who have made over seven billion dollars.
2
SPEAKER_01
All right, we are back with Dan Millman.
2
SPEAKER_01
Dan, I would love to hear just kind of a brief overview of each of these 12 courses so that people know what the heck we re talking about.
2
SPEAKER_01
How s that?
2
SPEAKER_03
Sounds great.
2
SPEAKER_03
Just to summarize them very briefly, the first course we re involved in is discovering our worth.
2
SPEAKER_03
It s different from self-esteem.
2
SPEAKER_03
It s not entitlement.
2
SPEAKER_03
It s just recognizing our human worth so we begin to avoid self-sabotage, which plagues some of us at different times in our lives.
2
SPEAKER_03
because we start to open up to life and life s blessings.
2
SPEAKER_03
Ramakrishna said, an ocean of abundance can rain down from the heavens, but if you re only holding up a thimble or a shot glass, that s all you re gonna get.
2
SPEAKER_03
So it s a reminder to start opening our arms and saying, yes, thank you.
2
SPEAKER_03
So that s the first.
2
SPEAKER_03
The second course,
2
SPEAKER_03
is reclaiming our will, and what that involves is turning what we know into what we actually do.
2
SPEAKER_03
You know, many of us spend half our day analyzing our craziness and the other half dramatizing it.
2
SPEAKER_03
So this helps us actually, when we know something, such as it s good to do regular moderate exercise almost every day, or it s good to get enough rest.
2
SPEAKER_03
or it s good to eat a balanced diet, it helps us and shows us how to turn what we know into what we actually do.
2
SPEAKER_03
Isn t that one of the greatest challenges, it would seem to me, of life?
2
SPEAKER_01
Of course, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, there s plenty of people listening right now going, man, this stuff is life-changing.
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t really have time to apply it, but this weekend, it s gonna happen.
2
SPEAKER_03
Right, exactly.
2
SPEAKER_03
So there are keys to that.
2
SPEAKER_03
The third purpose is energizing our body, because energy enhances every human capacity.
2
SPEAKER_03
It s not about looking like an athlete or being fit necessarily, but it s having a flow of energy in our life and using that energy and channeling it well.
2
SPEAKER_03
The fourth of these courses we re all learning is managing our money.
2
SPEAKER_03
Even in a so-called spiritual or big picture book, you can t ignore the issue of money and commerce and producing an income and so on, but we can touch upon that when we get to the second purpose.
2
SPEAKER_03
in the book.
2
SPEAKER_03
All right, so still within the first purpose, learning life s lessons, the fifth area is taming our mind, and I have a slightly different take on that than just telling people to go meditate.
2
SPEAKER_03
The sixth purpose is trusting our intuition, which we also need to value logic, of course, and reason, but trusting our intuition helps rebalance us, because most of us are leaning to the left.
2
SPEAKER_03
We re so much into our left brain, we need to also use our entire brain.
2
SPEAKER_03
So trusting our intuition is a call to paying more attention to those feelings, not as emotions, but intuitions in a sense.
2
SPEAKER_03
Wisdom that may not have a clear reason for it, but many of us have made a decision because it seemed logical and reasonable, but we wake up in the night with a funny feeling about it.
2
SPEAKER_03
So that s what I m talking about.
2
SPEAKER_01
We re finding more and more, the more we read and talk about brain science here on the show, we re finding out more and more that intuition is essentially almost like logical thought, only it s done thousands of times over in a different part of the brain.
2
SPEAKER_01
So where you might say, well, I need to shut the door to make sure that the air conditioning doesn t get out of the house, that s a very conscious, logical thought, whereas intuition is kind of like maybe a hundred or even thousands of those little bits
2
SPEAKER_01
of pieces of knowledge and logical thought and experience and things like that being calculated in a totally different part of the brain, almost subconsciously, and that s why it tends to be very, very accurate a lot of the time.
2
SPEAKER_01
Because it s not just coming from the ether, it s not coming out of the sky, it s coming out of your brain, it s just that it s being done more efficiently than we re used to with logical thought, and much more, quote unquote, effortlessly.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah, I d agree with that.
2
SPEAKER_03
There s nothing mystical about intuition.
2
SPEAKER_03
And there s nothing uncanny or infallible either.
2
SPEAKER_03
Someone can make an intuitive choice and it may not necessarily lead to an easy path, but that doesn t mean it was wrong.
2
SPEAKER_03
It may be that somehow on some level we know we need these challenges.
2
SPEAKER_03
So, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_03
Intuition is real and solid in its way.
2
SPEAKER_03
And you said almost subconscious.
2
SPEAKER_03
I believe that it is what we would call subconscious.
2
SPEAKER_03
It s information, things we know we don t know we know.
2
SPEAKER_03
For example, someone can see an auto accident and get more information in that moment than their conscious mind retains.
2
SPEAKER_03
But under hypnosis, occasionally,
2
SPEAKER_03
or hyperconcentration, they can get a partial license plate where they weren t consciously aware they saw it.
2
SPEAKER_03
So it does come out of that more subconscious space.
2
SPEAKER_03
By definition, our conscious mind isn t yet aware of it.
2
SPEAKER_03
So it actually is a method in the second purpose of life, again, in the four purposes of life.
2
SPEAKER_03
In the second purpose, I take people through something called time travel, where it s drawing forth
2
SPEAKER_03
our intuition and imagination and making more educated decisions, but we can get to that after.
2
SPEAKER_03
So getting to the last, very quickly, the last of the six courses we re taking in the School of Life, one is accepting our emotions.
2
SPEAKER_03
Emotions are very important, but we need to know what they are and how to handle them much better than most people do.
2
SPEAKER_03
So that s the seventh, and then comes facing our fears.
2
SPEAKER_03
Fear is a wonderful servant, but can be a terrible master.
2
SPEAKER_03
So it s how we face our fears and what that s all about.
2
SPEAKER_03
And the ninth theory is illuminating our shadow.
2
SPEAKER_03
And yeah, that s like Jungian shadow work.
2
SPEAKER_03
It s really parts of ourselves we ve disowned.
2
SPEAKER_03
But simply put, it s about seeing ourselves realistically and getting past self-image and concerns for that.
2
SPEAKER_03
And it frees up a lot of energy, too, and psychic space.
2
SPEAKER_03
And the 10th,
2
SPEAKER_03
course we re working with is to embrace our sexuality.
2
SPEAKER_03
And this isn t what many people may imagine it to be.
2
SPEAKER_03
It s really about accepting and embracing ourselves.
2
SPEAKER_03
Accepting who we are.
2
SPEAKER_03
But we cannot sweep sexuality under the rug.
2
SPEAKER_03
it is one of these 12 arenas everyone s working on.
2
SPEAKER_03
Even if we feel, oh yeah, I have a good sexual life, you know, great, fine, but still it s something we need to explore for a full grasp of our human development.
2
SPEAKER_03
And then the 11th gateway, second to last one, or the 11th course, is awakening our heart.
2
SPEAKER_03
And I also have quite a different take on that.
2
SPEAKER_03
It has very little to do with sentiment, or trying to feel love all the time, or compassion all the time.
2
SPEAKER_03
And the final of these courses we re working on, all within the first purpose, in this little book, but it summarizes these, the 12th brings it all full circle, is serving our world.
2
SPEAKER_03
Finding a way to connect with other people through service.
2
SPEAKER_03
Even people who are independently wealthy.
2
SPEAKER_03
I know a lady who has millions of dollars, but she works in a small bookstore because she loves books and likes to connect with people and recommend reading.
2
SPEAKER_03
So that s not a bad segue into the second purpose of life as listed in this particular book.
2
SPEAKER_01
Let s do it, yeah, because I looked at, of course, the first few life s courses, and when you look at these in the book, you think, okay, that, yeah, I ve heard about that, I ve thought about this.
2
SPEAKER_01
Rarely do we kind of put a lot of conscious thought into any of this, and a lot of people, as we know, we all know people in our lives that have to learn the same lessons over and over and over again.
2
SPEAKER_01
and it might behoove them and us to pay attention to what those are.
2
SPEAKER_01
I love the second purpose the most out of everything that I had read because it seems, maybe I m just in that phase right now, but I think it s one of the most overlooked.
2
SPEAKER_03
Sure, and there are two major points of emphasis.
3
SPEAKER_01
purpose in the four purposes of life is finding our career and calling.
3
SPEAKER_01
Many people, as you know, when they think of purpose, they go, what am I here to do?
3
SPEAKER_01
They re thinking of their career.
3
SPEAKER_01
How do I spend many hours during my day so I can make it the most suitable and pleasant and meaningful and give the most?
3
SPEAKER_01
And the second purpose, the reason it s important to understand the difference between career and calling is many of us get idealistic advice such as do what you love and the money will follow.
3
SPEAKER_01
Unless it doesn t.
3
SPEAKER_01
Sometimes people do what they love and the money doesn t follow.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s not a magical formulation.
3
SPEAKER_01
Our career, by definition, is what we do to produce an income.
3
SPEAKER_01
What could be more natural?
3
SPEAKER_01
That is, human beings, since human beings were interacting on Earth, were trading, bartering their different talents, and having commerce with one another.
3
SPEAKER_01
Over time, we had money as an intermediary, but we need to produce an income to support ourselves and the family, if we re involved with family.
3
SPEAKER_01
So we may love our work, we may get a lot of perks from it, finding it meaningful and so on, but if we weren t getting paid anything to do it, we d probably have to find something else.
3
SPEAKER_01
So that s what a career is about.
3
SPEAKER_01
Whether we call it a job, a profession, a gig, whatever, it s what we do for a living.
3
SPEAKER_01
Whereas our calling,
3
SPEAKER_01
That, by definition, is what we love.
3
SPEAKER_01
We may not even know why we love it.
3
SPEAKER_01
Maybe it s a hobby, a sport, a game, a craft, playing cards.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s something we do not necessarily focused on income.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s just something we love to do.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s very, very important too.
3
SPEAKER_01
And the reason it s important to understand is because many starving artists out there feel like they don t want to sell out.
3
SPEAKER_01
They need to practice their guitar all day, for example.
3
SPEAKER_01
Whereas if they got a day job, they might achieve some independence, move out of their parents  basement, and that may stabilize their life and allow them in their discretionary time to pursue their calling, rather than insist it be full time.
3
SPEAKER_01
On the other end of the spectrum, there are people who I know who value only what produces an income and they feel like they re wasting their time spending time on things that don t produce an income, so they may have abandoned a calling or a hobby or something that gave them joy.
3
SPEAKER_01
because they can t justify it.
3
SPEAKER_01
So it s important to appreciate both career and calling.
3
SPEAKER_01
But newsflash, we don t have to love our job.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s good if we like it.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s good if we find it suitable for us.
3
SPEAKER_01
If not, we need to look for something else.
3
SPEAKER_01
But what we do love is our calling.
3
SPEAKER_01
Now some people combine their career and calling.
3
SPEAKER_01
I think probably in your case that s true.
3
SPEAKER_01
I know it is in my case.
3
SPEAKER_01
But that s not necessarily superior.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s fine to have a job, a functional job you do that you re good at, that produces an income, and then a calling in your discretionary time.
3
SPEAKER_01
So one isn t better than the other.
3
SPEAKER_01
If they happen to combine, that s terrific too.
3
SPEAKER_00
should we seek to combine those two?
3
SPEAKER_00
Because it seems like that s kind of the trendy thing.
3
SPEAKER_00
You work a regular job, but only until you have to, and then go jump into your calling.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I can see it both ways, right?
3
SPEAKER_00
But I definitely understand why somebody who s spending time doing a day job that they don t really love is going, how can I turn my calling into my job?
3
SPEAKER_00
I get that.
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, yes, some people get good enough at their calling, whether it s playing a musical instrument or something else, they get good at it enough to produce an income, and then it becomes their work.
3
SPEAKER_01
Now, some people have asked me, how do I know if my career is also my calling?
3
SPEAKER_01
Easy to answer, the litmus test is this.
3
SPEAKER_01
If you won the lottery, would you keep doing it, at least part-time?
3
SPEAKER_01
And if the answer is yes, it s also a calling.
3
SPEAKER_01
If you would stop it immediately, then it s a job.
3
SPEAKER_01
And many people suffer needlessly by thinking, well, I like my job, okay, I like some things about it, but there s things I don t like about it.
3
SPEAKER_01
I want to find work that I love.
3
SPEAKER_01
And that may not be realistic.
3
SPEAKER_01
There s nothing wrong with having a job where you like some aspects of it and don t like others.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t like every aspect of my work.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m flying to Beijing, China next week, and I m not crazy about 14-hour plane flights and jet lag where I work the night shift, reverse hours, but it s part of what I do.
3
SPEAKER_01
So I accept that part and doing what I love is presenting to people.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t want people to suffer unnecessarily thinking their career has to be a calling.
3
SPEAKER_01
But many people wait.
3
SPEAKER_01
They say, when I retire, then I ll start doing what I m really called to do.
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, that may work for some people, but why not do a little bit of it now?
3
SPEAKER_01
So anyway, this is part of that whole discussion about career and calling.
3
SPEAKER_01
The one big emphasis I place in that particular section of the book is knowing ourselves.
3
SPEAKER_01
You know, it s true in every spiritual tradition or wisdom tradition, know thyself.
3
SPEAKER_01
Because if we don t really know ourselves realistically, and it takes time to do that, and it doesn t usually happen in our early 20s or teens, usually we have to test ourselves against the world.
3
SPEAKER_01
But if we don t really know ourself well, we end up making the right choice for the wrong person, the one we thought we were.
3
SPEAKER_01
You know, a lot of people get married, then they get divorced later because they say, I ve changed.
3
SPEAKER_01
They didn t necessarily change that much.
3
SPEAKER_01
Maybe they just didn t know themselves enough.
3
SPEAKER_01
And when they finally came around, wow, this is my values.
3
SPEAKER_01
These are my talents, these are my interests and priorities, and they realize it doesn t fit anymore.
3
SPEAKER_01
And that can happen in the work realm as well.
3
SPEAKER_01
Joseph Campbell said many people climb to the top of their professional ladder only to discover it s leaning against the wrong wall.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yes, and I can identify with this one really well.
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I went to law school, studied hard in undergrad, went to a top law school, got a great top market job on Wall Street, and then went, you know, I only did this because I didn t have anything else to do.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I don t necessarily regret the path, because I think going along that path helped out.
3
SPEAKER_00
I would imagine everybody has similar
3
SPEAKER_00
things to say about if I did it all over again, but I will tell ya, there was just no good reason for me to have gone down that road knowing so early, I knew so early that that wasn t right for me and yet I ignored it because of pure pressure slash this is the way it s supposed to happen slash this is what happens when you grow up and all these other things I told myself that turned out not to be true.
3
SPEAKER_01
And you could look back and say, in my view, it makes you really good at what you do now.
3
SPEAKER_01
The analytical capacity, the discernment you developed through that, all the studies you did.
3
SPEAKER_01
So everything serves in its way and it just led you to where you are.
3
SPEAKER_01
I know someone who was an attorney and ended up being a chiropractor and brilliant.
3
SPEAKER_01
chiropractor for the Golden State Warrior basketball team and the San Francisco Ballet.
3
SPEAKER_01
Wow.
3
SPEAKER_01
And he s really gifted, but he was a lawyer first.
3
SPEAKER_01
So, you know, Francis Bacon said, we rise to great heights by a winding staircase.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s very true.
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean, there s one thing that will kick your butt straight towards your calling, and it s becoming an attorney beforehand.
3
SPEAKER_00
because if being an attorney is not your calling, it will spit you out so hard and so fast that you ll shoot towards just about anything else, and usually by that time, people have gone, I ve gone down the wrong road enough, I m gonna listen to my gut on this one and go with something else.
3
SPEAKER_00
I think every time I go and speak at any kind of entrepreneur conference or anything like that, there s always,
3
SPEAKER_00
a small handful or even more of former attorneys who now do X, Y, Z, whatever sort of other business that might be in the list of speakers, and even more in the audience.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I think it s not just attorneys, but we just have a way of rejecting the profession after a while.
3
SPEAKER_00
When we get back, I wanna talk a little bit more about calling versus career, and also I wanna learn how you distilled these four purposes and why these are important.
3
SPEAKER_00
This is The Art of Charm.
3
SPEAKER_00
All right, we re back with Dan Millman.
3
SPEAKER_00
Now, I cut you off a little bit there on the career versus calling, and what I was asking was, should we seek to make our calling, our career, in all cases?
3
SPEAKER_00
And it sounds like that s not necessarily the right thing for everyone.
3
SPEAKER_01
Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn t.
3
SPEAKER_01
As I said, a calling can become a career if we get skilled enough and lucky enough, in a sense, learn to promote it.
3
SPEAKER_01
To be successful in a career, you have to be good at two things, good at what you do, and you have to be good at promoting what you do.
3
SPEAKER_01
But many people don t really like doing that, and I think they have to have a shift in perspective.
3
SPEAKER_01
you re not promoting for yourself, you re promoting for other people.
3
SPEAKER_01
In other words, if you have a good service or product, you can t help anybody who doesn t know you exist.
3
SPEAKER_01
So it s our obligation, just let people know what we do and be proud of it and put it out there.
3
SPEAKER_01
Or have someone else who s really good at doing that.
3
SPEAKER_01
And so that s part of it.
3
SPEAKER_01
But you were mentioning, you know, in terms of being a lawyer, there are a lot of recovering MBAs out there too, who are then looking for something that feels more meaningful to them.
3
SPEAKER_01
What I don t encourage is people having a never-ending quest, whether it s like some people look for their soulmate.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, I m with this person, but they re maybe not perfect for me.
3
SPEAKER_01
Maybe there s somebody else better out there.
3
SPEAKER_01
And people do that with jobs, too.
3
SPEAKER_01
So again, that s why I say you don t have to be completely in love with your job.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s nice if you have it.
4
SPEAKER_01
to happen to have that.
4
SPEAKER_01
But as long as you like it and find it suitable and it s functional.
4
SPEAKER_01
I mean, I talked with one guy once.
4
SPEAKER_01
I said, what do you do for a living?
4
SPEAKER_01
He said, oh, I import dog food from Japan.
4
SPEAKER_01
Now, I asked him, you know, when you were growing up, did you have this aspiration?
4
SPEAKER_01
He said, no, of course not.
4
SPEAKER_01
Most of us stumble onto our work.
4
SPEAKER_01
This circumstance or that, someone we meet, something we read, and we end up doing what we do.
4
SPEAKER_01
So it s pretty hard to figure it all out ahead of time.
4
SPEAKER_01
One story I tell in the book, Kenny, I call him in the book, and this is a true story, but I change his name.
4
SPEAKER_01
Actually, his name, I can give it, is Ron Kaufman.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I met Ron many years ago.
4
SPEAKER_01
He was getting some static from his parents because they said, look, you re 35 years old.
4
SPEAKER_01
Don t you think it s time you moved out of the house?
4
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_01
Because all Ron liked to do was throw frisbees.
4
SPEAKER_01
He loved frisbees, playing ultimate frisbee and tossing it.
4
SPEAKER_01
There was something about it that just grabbed him.
4
SPEAKER_01
You could call it his calling.
4
SPEAKER_01
He thought about this, you know, maybe I ought to really kind of get into something.
4
SPEAKER_01
And not long after that, in the shower, he got brainstormed and he quickly toweled off.
4
SPEAKER_01
He told me this and he got dressed and he called the Wham-O Corporation who makes frisbees.
4
SPEAKER_01
And he said, hi.
4
SPEAKER_01
And he finally got to their marketing person and he said,
4
SPEAKER_01
I would like you to do this.
4
SPEAKER_01
I d like you to give me 500 free Frisbees and I d like you to print on each one the words world peace in English and in Russian, in the Cyrillic alphabet.
4
SPEAKER_01
And then I d like you to pay my way to Russia, put me up there.
4
SPEAKER_01
Now this was during the Cold War, this was a while ago.
4
SPEAKER_01
And he said, I d like you to send me to Red Square and I m gonna become a Frisbee goodwill ambassador to make a bond between our countries by showing people how to play Frisbee.
4
SPEAKER_01
And you know, they said, this wouldn t be that expensive.
4
SPEAKER_01
This is a good idea.
4
SPEAKER_01
So they said yes.
4
SPEAKER_01
He ended up going to Russia numerous times, teaching people Frisbee.
4
SPEAKER_01
He ended up learning Russian, married a Russian wife, leading Goodwill tours.
4
SPEAKER_01
He couldn t find his work in life, so he made it up.
4
SPEAKER_01
Now, wouldn t that be great if we could all do that?
4
SPEAKER_01
It s an admirable story in any case, and based on a true story.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m imagining the executive saying, and if he gets arrested because they think he s a spy, we re going to get a ton of free PR out of it anyway.
4
SPEAKER_00
So this is win-win.
4
SPEAKER_00
We can t lose on this one.
4
SPEAKER_01
That could be.
4
SPEAKER_00
Print the Frisbees.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I have other stories, including mine, I won t go into now, but.
4
SPEAKER_01
Mine was a winding path.
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t know if you read that part, but I tried so many things before.
4
SPEAKER_01
Suddenly, one day I settled into what I do, which is writing and speaking, but I tried many different things.
4
SPEAKER_00
How did you distill these four principles out of, did you have a bunch of different ideas, and then you settled on, okay, these are the four main ones, or is it always kind of clear, all right, this is what I m gonna build the book around?
4
SPEAKER_01
Jordan, I have this gift or eccentricity where sometimes when I ask the right questions, the answers come.
4
SPEAKER_01
And I don t know how they do or why they do, but people seem to like them.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m not saying, you know, no matter what in the history of the world, these are the four purposes, but there are four important ones I know, and they cover the basis.
4
SPEAKER_01
These 12 courses we went over already, which again, a larger book, I call them 12 gateways,
4
SPEAKER_01
I simply asked myself the question, what do we mean by personal development or personal growth, spiritual growth?
4
SPEAKER_01
What do we mean by this?
4
SPEAKER_01
And these areas just started popping up.
4
SPEAKER_01
I created a workout that I ve been doing for 30 years, just asking from all my experience in dance, martial art, gymnastics, calisthenics.
4
SPEAKER_01
yoga and all these areas, what would be a workout that could be done in four minutes a day?
4
SPEAKER_01
And these exercises, just boom, boom, boom.
4
SPEAKER_01
I wrote them down, that was it.
4
SPEAKER_01
So in the same way, I know I didn t have 100 purposes and start crossing them out.
4
SPEAKER_01
I just said, well, what are the most important purposes?
4
SPEAKER_01
Now the third one, which we ll probably be getting into soon, that one I d already written a book about called The Life You Were Born to Live, which is the most mysterious and provocative purpose, controversial actually.
4
SPEAKER_01
So that was obvious.
4
SPEAKER_01
And learning life s lessons had to be one.
4
SPEAKER_01
And of course, how could I ignore a career in calling?
4
SPEAKER_01
And then the fourth one came, which we ll get to probably, and that seemed like the most important purpose of all.
4
SPEAKER_01
That s why I saved it for the end, because it ties them all together.
4
SPEAKER_01
So they just came up.
4
SPEAKER_01
That s what ended up the four purposes.
4
SPEAKER_01
But I have to acknowledge, other people may have purposes that are important to them in their own life.
4
SPEAKER_00
If people are interested in the purposes three and four as well, they can grab this on Amazon, they can go to bookstores.
4
SPEAKER_00
If they know where one of those still is, that s open, they can go and check for it there.
4
SPEAKER_00
I saw something interesting in the book that I kind of wanted to reach back around on, and you wrote, we learn to ride the shifting tides of emotion like skillful surfers as we grasp the great truth that we don t need to feel compassionate, peaceful, confident, courageous, happy, or kind
4
SPEAKER_00
We only need to behave that way.
4
SPEAKER_00
I like that, but it s also very counterintuitive because it goes against a lot of, in fact, a lot of what we hear in the Art of Charm and a lot of what we hear everywhere in the sort of self-help or personal growth or even just.
4
SPEAKER_00
the regular, normal, Joe Average world, which is social programming that, hey, look, we need to either hide or fix our feelings or quiet the mind or be authentic, et cetera, et cetera.
4
SPEAKER_00
And this kind of says the opposite.
4
SPEAKER_00
It just says, no, you just need to sort of try or pretend to be.
4
SPEAKER_01
You ve picked up on the most controversial thing I probably teach, because most of us have been programmed in some sense in the opposite area.
4
SPEAKER_01
We grew up in a psychological culture, so-called spiritual development, self-help, where it s all about fixing our insides.
4
SPEAKER_01
That if we just have the right thoughts, positive thinking, quiet mind,
4
SPEAKER_01
We re mindful and so on.
4
SPEAKER_01
And if we have the right feelings of confidence and courage and compassion and love and happiness and peace, just feel that way, then our lives will be on track.
4
SPEAKER_01
But I had a chance in my own life and evolution to
4
SPEAKER_01
examine that very closely and to look at what we have more or less control over by our will.
4
SPEAKER_01
We can t just will ourselves to have just positive thoughts because thoughts, images, ideas pop into our awareness all during the day and sometimes they re more of what we call positive and sometimes they re negative.
4
SPEAKER_01
It still is true for me.
4
SPEAKER_01
I ve been around the block, done a lot of meditation and other disciplines and it s perfectly natural for me to sometimes
4
SPEAKER_01
have positive thoughts or feelings, and other times what we d call more negative.
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t worry about it anymore.
4
SPEAKER_01
I don t try to struggle or fix it.
4
SPEAKER_01
I basically accept whatever thoughts or feelings I m having as natural to me in that moment, but then I turn my attention to what do I need to do right now?
4
SPEAKER_01
Because our lives are largely shaped by what we do.
4
SPEAKER_01
If we look back on our lives and anything we ve accomplished or grown or understand,
4
SPEAKER_01
It s because of something we ve done.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s so counterintuitive because most of us believe that we have to work on our minds and work on our emotions, but feelings are like the weather, emotional weather patterns that pass through us.
4
SPEAKER_01
They change all the time.
4
SPEAKER_01
If we could, by our will, control whatever we were feeling,
4
SPEAKER_01
my teaching would be very short, I d just say, feel happy the rest of your life, thanks for coming.
4
SPEAKER_01
That ll be $5,000.
4
SPEAKER_01
So feelings change, thoughts come and go, we don t have spam filters.
4
SPEAKER_01
So that s why, and I hope your listeners really heard that, what you read, that we don t have to feel,
4
SPEAKER_01
this or that.
4
SPEAKER_01
We don t have to feel compassionate because it s gonna come and go.
4
SPEAKER_01
How many of us have gotten a gift and we really didn t feel grateful?
4
SPEAKER_01
We can t control that.
4
SPEAKER_01
We don t have to control the mind just to have, and there are many courses on mind control and so on and techniques to try to influence our thoughts and feelings, but it s a shortcut and it s more direct and realistic to behave with compassion, to behave with courage, to behave with kindness and love.
4
SPEAKER_01
no matter what we happen to be feeling.
4
SPEAKER_01
Now, when someone says, wait, isn t that hypocrisy?
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, what about authenticity, in air quotes?
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, what about authenticity?
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, let me ask you this.
4
SPEAKER_01
What would you call it if you saw somebody you knew, who you knew was very afraid, and timid, and shy, who behaved with courage anyway?
4
SPEAKER_01
Would you call that unauthentic?
4
SPEAKER_00
No, it d be bravery, or like you said, courage.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s great, that s a positive trait when people do that.
4
SPEAKER_01
And it s no different from someone who feels angry and behaves with kindness.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s no different from somebody who wants to say something mean and instead says a compassionate word.
4
SPEAKER_01
No different.
4
SPEAKER_01
And that is what takes a warrior spirit.
4
SPEAKER_01
Because that s what I teach, Peaceful Warrior s Way.
4
SPEAKER_01
Peaceful heart, warrior spirit.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s not easy to do, but to me, that s a real form of daily life liberation.
4
SPEAKER_01
Not just waiting for some cosmic spiritual thing to happen, but when we re liberated, we feel whatever we accept our emotions.
4
SPEAKER_01
We don t repress them and deny them, but they re there, they provide information, but at the same time, we start to choose how we re gonna behave, what we re gonna bring to the game.
4
SPEAKER_01
And that is why I said that controversial statement, I m not asking you to feel this or that way, but behave that way.
4
SPEAKER_01
And every time we do, it s a moment of transcendence.
5
SPEAKER_01
Dan, this has been excellent.
5
SPEAKER_01
Is there anything that I haven t asked you or anything that we ve seemed to have overlooked that you want to be sure that you touch on?
5
SPEAKER_00
No, that s fine.
5
SPEAKER_00
I think you do a great job.
5
SPEAKER_00
I just have a really good interaction with you and I enjoy it tremendously.
5
SPEAKER_00
Likewise, man.
5
SPEAKER_01
Thank you so much.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s really interesting because everybody knows when I do these, I don t like anything that seems overly woo.
5
SPEAKER_01
I m just not into it.
5
SPEAKER_01
But you do a good job of explaining when things need to be that way and why and what it means and also debunking a lot of that, which is why I really enjoy your work.
5
SPEAKER_01
So thanks so much for joining us today.
5
SPEAKER_00
No, I like working with you.
5
SPEAKER_00
There s no doubt about that.
5
SPEAKER_00
My pleasure.
5
SPEAKER_01
A lot of good stuff here.
5
SPEAKER_01
I think there s a lot of confusion, especially among younger people, like millennials, about, oh, I need to be doing my calling full-time, and I can t have a job in my calling, and I gotta quit my job, and I don t wanna sell out, and these two things should be merged as one, and of course, also the authenticity buzz, that kind of thing, the mindfulness buzz.
5
SPEAKER_01
So I m glad that we got a chance to address some of those things.
5
SPEAKER_01
Frankly, you know me, I m not one for woo-woo, I m not much of a spiritual guy, quote-unquote, either, but I like the practical element of all this, and I think the AOC family will as well.
5
SPEAKER_01
If you enjoyed this one, don t forget to thank Dan on Twitter, we ll have that linked in the show notes, as well as other resources mentioned on the show, and of course the book, The Four Purposes of Life.
5
SPEAKER_01
You can tap our album art.
5
SPEAKER_01
and most mobile podcast players.
5
SPEAKER_01
To see the cheat sheet for this episode, we re gonna link to the show notes right on your phone.
5
SPEAKER_01
I m also on Twitter, at The Art of Charm, and I engage freely with everybody there, and post a lot of articles and insights as well.
5
SPEAKER_01
You can find our amazing sponsors in the show notes, or go to theartofcharm.com, slash advertisers, and don t forget about the Art of Charm Challenge, at theartofcharm.com, slash challenge, or text charmed, that s C-H-A-R-M-E-D, to 33444.
5
SPEAKER_01
We re gonna teach you networking, connection skills, inspire people around you to develop personal and professional relationships with you.
5
SPEAKER_01
We ll also email you our Fundamentals Toolbox that covers topics like body language, persuasion, networking, public speaking, negotiation, nonverbal communication, the whole shebang, and I m doing regular videos with drills and exercises to help you move forward every single week.
5
SPEAKER_01
This ll make you a better networker.
5
SPEAKER_01
It ll make you a better connector.
5
SPEAKER_01
Check it out at theartofcharm.com slash challenge or text charmed to 33444.
5
SPEAKER_01
This episode of The Art of Charm was produced, as always, by Jason DeFilippo.
5
SPEAKER_01
Jason Sanderson is our audio engineer and editor, and the show notes on the website are by Robert Fogerty.
5
SPEAKER_01
I m your host, Jordan Harbinger.
5
SPEAKER_01
Go ahead, please, tell your friends, because the greatest compliment you can give us is a referral to someone else, either in person or shared on the web.
5
SPEAKER_01
Now, stay charming.
5
SPEAKER_01
and leave everything and everyone better than you found them.
5
SPEAKER_02
Thanks for listening to The Art of Charm.
5
SPEAKER_02
Get more confidence, relationship skills, life hacks, and more at theartofcharmpodcast.com.