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Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we ll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right.
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If you re new to the Art of Charm podcast, this isn t the best place to start because much of our content is more in-depth and much longer format, so check out the best of interviews at theartofcharm.com slash best or the Fundamentals Toolbox at theartofcharm.com slash toolbox.
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That s where we ve got our fundamentals of body language and nonverbal communication, attraction, negotiation, networking, and everything else we teach here at our live programs at theartofcharm.com.
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All right, let s cut to it.
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I started listening to the podcast at the beginning of this year.
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I moved to LA a year ago to pursue a career in acting and probably spent way too much time in my car, so listening to you doesn t make the traffic seem so bad.
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My question to you is how did you keep up your work ethic when you left your job as a lawyer and started The Art of Charm?
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I m having a hard time focusing because I m surrounded by people who highly value looks as opposed to smarts.
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Obviously, not everyone in LA is like that, and I m not trying to make excuses for struggling, but I m just wondering how you were able to transition from Wall Street to starting your own company.
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I m 22.
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I work part-time at Equinox, which gives me some structure and a free gym membership.
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I take improv classes at UCB, scene study classes with a great acting coach, and I meet with as many people in the industry as I can.
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Networking is also especially important, since a lot of times when writers or directors are shooting a scene, short or feature, they ll ask people they know to act in it.
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The hardest part for me is doing my scene study work, which is basically just daydreaming, and then writing material for myself.
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It requires a ton of discipline.
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I m assuming that when you were starting out, you had to do a lot of work on your own as opposed to working with other people.
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Maybe I m wrong.
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How did you push through feeling completely overwhelmed by everything you had to do and all the uncertainty in your future?
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Sincerely, Rachel.
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Hey, Rachel.
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Alright, here s a few things I do to keep my work ethic on fleek.
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I use my calendar and I create a schedule and I stick to it religiously.
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I actually did a whole podcast about this with James Swanwick.
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It s somewhere floating around on the Yard of Charm website.
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I treat all of my gym and personal time like business meetings, and for you especially, they are, because you re in the entertainment industry.
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The same with networking opportunities.
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Plan them out, make them just like business meetings, make them just like appointments,
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and you ll start to cultivate networking habits and a way of being just like we talk about in our social capital program, and you ll be able to nurture that network constantly.
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Start with creating the calendar, creating that schedule, and sticking to it religiously.
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Don t try to remember things.
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Don t try to be flexible with it.
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Make it your duty to do everything on that, and you will find that not only are you super productive, your work ethic goes to the roof, but you ll be able to balance out everything that you wanna do.
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Dear Jordan, what do you think are some of the best habits that a man can cultivate if he s looking to improve himself?
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Signed, Looking to Level Up.
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Hey, looking, there are a few habits that a man can have that will help him in all aspects of life.
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This is pretty general, but these include regular exercise.
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As you get older, this becomes less and less optional.
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Staying in shape is good for you physically, and it s really good for you emotionally.
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You will not believe how much better you feel all over when you settle into a good routine.
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Also, reading.
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Whether you re into fiction or nonfiction, reading on a regular basis is great training for your brain.
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It also makes you a more intelligent and well-rounded person.
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Giving back.
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We talk about this with Scott Harrison.
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Some people have time to give.
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Some people have money to give.
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Some people have both.
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But everyone has one or the other.
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You should find a cause that you re passionate about and give a little something back to the world that you live in.
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Also, write letters.
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In a world of email and other forms of instant communication that s super low quality in general, people have forgotten the pleasure that comes from writing letters.
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Learn how to write a good one and then correspond with somebody.
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It s a great way to grow as a man.
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And again, these are kind of personal to me, but you asked.
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Meditation.
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Another thing that s been lost in the modern world, the value of silence and peacefulness.
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Take 10, 15, or 30 minutes every day, just sit in silence.
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It s another thing that s great for your mind.
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We ve done podcasts about this if you need to dip your toes in the water.
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And last but not least, and again, super personal to me, but drink lots of water.
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You really can t drink enough.
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Seriously, most people are unhydrated or dehydrated or under hydrated.
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And frankly, drinking enough water stopped me from being hungry, stopped me from being cranky, stopped me from having a whole host of other symptoms that I found annoying.
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It really is simple.
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Just drink tons of water.
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Tea can replace water.
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Just make sure it doesn t have a load of caffeine in it.
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Let these habits define you.
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Trust me, just these simple little habits will change everything about your life.
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Dear Jordan, I saw the guy who wrote you about moving from the city into the country.
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I have the exact opposite story.
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I moved from the country into the city, and I m having a really hard time meeting people.
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I feel like I just dropped in from Mars, and what s worse, I get the distinct sense that everyone in the city thinks I m some kind of hillbilly.
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I have a master s degree in fine arts education, for crying out loud.
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Do you have any advice for me?
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Signed, OutOfTheSticks.
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It sticks.
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Well, the thing you have on your side is that you re now surrounded by tons of people.
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What do you have against you?
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Nothing, really.
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You just think that you do.
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Once you realize that your differences are only a weakness in as much as you let them be, you re going to have a much easier time.
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My advice?
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Own your differences.
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When people take a shot at you about it, make a joke along with them and just move on.
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Display confidence in your roots and it ll cease to be an issue.
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More than that, it ll actually become an asset.
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You know how you love all those city slicker girls who are so different from you?
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The reverse is also the case.
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It s just about confidence and owning it.
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So best of luck.
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I ve listened to your podcast for over two years and it has changed my life for the better.
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However, I allowed myself to get sucked into a relationship I shouldn t have.
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My now ex-fiancee moved out yesterday with my unborn baby while I was at work to go back with her ex that she has two kids with.
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I m feeling really stupid right now, but not hurting that bad.
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I don t know what to do because I don t want my kid raised by the POS she went back with.
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I ve gone through the toolbox, among other episodes, and haven t found the direction I need to follow.
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Any direction from some guys I really respect would be great.
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Signed, Nick, aka Future Weekend Dad.
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Hey, look, Nick, this is a sad story, and there s not much you can do.
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You can t control your girlfriend, and nor should you try.
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You can talk to her about what she wants to do with the child, though.
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She may not want to have it, as much as that hurts to think about.
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You re also still on the hook for support, even though some other guy will be raising the kid and possibly doing a really poor job at doing so.
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I highly recommend lawyering up at this point and figuring that out, because your primary focus right now
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should be the kid, whether or not he s coming into the world or not.
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You need to figure that out.
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It s much more important than your emotions.
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It s more important than your relationship, which kind of no longer exists.
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And it s certainly more important than any sort of temporary situation that s happening right now.
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Dear Jordan, I love the podcast and I love all of your advice.
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The problem with me is that I m great with people who I m already talking to, but I can t bring myself to approach strangers basically ever.
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What are some exercises I can do to beat approach anxiety?
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Signed, Nervous Nelly.
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Hey man, approach anxiety, as we term it, is totally normal.
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At the Art of Charm, one of the problems that guys often come in with is something just like approach anxiety.
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There s basically only one way to get over this, and that s start talking to strangers.
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And that s a lot easier said than done, of course.
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That doesn t mean we don t have tips for you to get the ball rolling.
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Start slowly, make eye contact with people in public, give them a little nod, little smile.
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This may be more or less appropriate in your culture, but try it anyway unless you think you re going to get physically hurt or something like that.
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Then, make it a point to say hello to a single person, a stranger, every day.
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Try to start a conversation with a stranger right after you make eye contact.
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Keep in mind, sometimes you re going to get blown out of the water or ignored, but there s a reason boxers spar.
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Getting hit in the face becomes a lot less shocking once it s happened to you a few times.
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Approach anxiety also might never go away for you, but after four or five times of doing it and seeing the results, you re gonna notice that you re less anxious when you approach and talk to new people, and it ll become second nature.
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Then, your friends are gonna think you re too friendly and weird, but that s a higher quality problem for another day.
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We actually created sort of a step-by-step baby steps program to do this in your personal and professional life.
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Check that out at theartofcharm.com slash challenge or text charmed to 33444.
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We ll give you weekly exercises, baby steps to help get over this, through this, and create relationships with people both at work and in your personal life.
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So check that out.
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Hey, Art of Charm listeners, I m excited to share a new podcast I ve been absolutely binging.
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Winning is an everyday mindset, and Craig Robinson and John Calipari are here to help.
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On Ways to Win podcast, Craig and Coach Cal use their on-court wisdom to solve your off-court problems.
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Whether it s trouble at home or a workplace dilemma, the coaches will help you find a winning formula for success.
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You ll hear from prominent athletes, business leaders, and celebrities who reveal insights that made them into the leaders they are today.
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And don t miss President Obama sharing how he deals with pressure by projecting confidence, believing in your team, and taking criticism.
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Listen to Ways to Win wherever you get your podcasts.
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Over the last 17 years, we have launched our fair share of online courses, coaching programs,
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Go to Kajabi.com slash charm and join the creators and entrepreneurs who have made over seven billion dollars.
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Hey Jordan, I m living at home with my mom and dad until I get out of debt.
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Long story short, I picked up a lot of debt during the 2008 recession and also because I was young and irresponsible.
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Now I m paying the price.
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My question is basically, how do I date?
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I m going to be here for the next few years, so what s your advice?
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Signed, Swimming In It.
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Hey, swimming.
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Well, the upside is you re gonna do something most people don t think they can do.
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Proactively work toward getting out of debt.
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That s a great thing.
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Now, to your problem, I d first suggest getting a room as far away from your parents as possible.
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Other than that, I d just avoid the question of your living situation until you ve been on a successful date or three.
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then you can explain your situation.
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Look for inexpensive dates and try staying over her place more than she comes to yours.
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There are definitely some challenges that you re gonna encounter, but none of them should prevent you from having a vibrant social and dating life.
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Aside from your race car bed, of course.
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Might wanna get rid of that.
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This week, I made a video where I teach you a drill to find the positive in every negative.
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This is gonna rearrange the way that your brain processes events, especially negative events, and it will make you a more optimistic and positive person as well, and not in that annoying way, so check it out.
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A link to the blog post can be found at theartofcharm.com slash fmf43.
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Hope y all enjoyed that.
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Don t forget you can reach us Friday at theartofcharm.com.
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We read everything.
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We d love to hear from you.
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And the Art of Charm Challenge, the baby steps I talked about earlier, at theartofcharm.com slash challenge or text charmed to 33444.
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Quick shout out to Ben listening in the UK, an actor trying to learn the general American accent.
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So if you re watching a movie or TV in the UK and someone sounds exactly like me, maybe it s Ben.
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Thanks, Ben.
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I m flattered to be your example.
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Are you in a strange land listening to my familiar voice?
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If so, hit me up and I ll shout you out.
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More from AOC at theartofcharm.com.
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Now have a great weekend, get out there and connect, and leave everyone better than you found them.
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Thanks for listening to The Art of Charm.
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Get more confidence, relationship skills, life hacks, and more at theartofcharmpodcast.com.