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Hey, Jordan Harbinger here.
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Welcome to Minisoad Monday.
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I m happy to be here with you, kicking the week off with something quick and actionable that you can implement right away that ll make you more magnetic and effective.
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Today, Jonathan Raymond back with us, talking about, well, first of all, changing suddenly seems easy.
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You mentioned that in your book.
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But letting go of resistance to change, well, that s the harder part.
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So how can we let go of that resistance to change a little bit easier so that we can change more easily, or at least more quickly?
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Yeah, the most important thing that we do that we mostly skip over is we got to break change down into its component parts.
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And we usually try to kind of make a big announcement or a big declaration.
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I m never going to smoke cigarettes again, or whatever the thing is.
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And the method that we developed is called the DANCE method, D-A-N-C-E, so that you can dance with whatever problem you have or whatever challenge you have.
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So I ll tell you what the steps are, and then we can kind of dive back into them a little bit.
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So the D stands for define the problem simply.
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Usually we have way too generic, way too big picture statements of a problem.
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So define the problem simply.
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A stands for assess the impact.
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So, okay, so you have this problem.
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What is the impact of having that problem?
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What is it doing?
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What is the real world impact of X in your life?
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The N stands for name the underlying dynamic.
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So what is the condition?
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So you have this problem and it s having this impact.
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What s the underlying condition that exists that allows that problem to be there in the first place?
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Because a lot of times we try to solve a problem without solving the underlying dynamic, and then we re playing problem whack-a-mole, doing it over and over again.
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And this is a great thing you can whiteboard or write on a piece of paper, or if you have an iPad or tablet with it, you can draw this out.
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D-A-N-C-E is a cool way to do it.
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I ve had teams do this as a team exercise where you whiteboard a problem.
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Hey, we re struggling with sales to this particular demographic.
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Let s dance with this and see what we can do.
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So N, name the underlying dynamic.
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C is to create the smallest next step you can.
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Not, OK, we re going to build an entirely new infrastructure for our sales process, or I m going to never eat wheat ever again for the rest of my life and any lives that I have after this.
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It s to create a small next step.
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What are you going to do in the next 15 minutes, not in the next 15 years?
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So that s what the C stands for.
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And then E stands for establishing a personal accountability.
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Changed is that it s very, very difficult.
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You can eat people with inordinate willpower.
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It s very difficult to change longstanding personal habits.
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Tell somebody about it.
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That s what establishing personal accountability is, is to maybe you send an email, say, hey, I made the decision.
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I just, I found this thing in my life that I want to change and I want to tell somebody about it.
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So I want to witness.
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to this little change project that I m doing.
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So that s what E stands for, establishing personal accountability with yourself, could be with another person, could be with a friend, you could do this with a manager, if you have a manager who you trust or a mentor and you say, hey, this is the thing that I wanna change.
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Do you think I m right?
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Do you agree that this is the next most important thing for me to be working on and establishing some form of personal accountability?
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Hey, I want you to check in with me in a week and ask me whether I did this, or I want you to email me at the end of the day and ask me if I did this.
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so that you build in a little mini accountability system for yourself.
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So define the problem simply, assess the impact, name the underlying dynamic, create the smallest next step you can, and then establish personal accountability.
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That s the dance method for working on any problem, interpersonal conflict, personal challenge, personal growth, professional growth, you name it.
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So what does this look like in practice?
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I mean, can we use this to, for example, attack a problem of somebody who s always late, either to work, to personal obligations, or even for ourselves?
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Yeah, so let s break that down.
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So if we define the problem simply, if you ask somebody about that pattern, or if you ask yourself, let s say you re somebody who struggles with being on time to things, and we could all tell some funny stories about that.
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So if you define the problem simply, it s not, I m always late.
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It s not I m always late to things.
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There s a more simple definition of that problem is that I don t leave enough time to get to the places I need to be.
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That s a more accurate statement of the problem than I m always late to things.
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You can t solve I m always late to things, but you can solve I don t leave enough time to get to the next thing on my schedule.
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That s a problem that you can work with.
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So now we ve defined the problem simply or more simply.
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Now assess the impact, right?
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So what is the impact of me not leaving enough time to get to the things in my life in such a way?
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Okay, well, I frustrate my teammates or my wife or my friends because they ve got to wait around for me and they wanted to go in and now we got, you know, crap seats for the movie because I didn t show up on time, whatever it is.
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So now there s a personal impact.
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where you go, wait a second, um, I don t want to be that kind of person.
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I don t want to be the person who s, you know, my friends are nice and they look the other way, but it s probably pissing them off.
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I don t want to be that kind of a person.
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So now I see a real impact of my not leaving enough time before my, you know, before my, my things.
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So we ve covered defining the problem simply or more simply.
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We ve done one bit of assessing the impact.
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Now we re going to name the underlying dynamics.
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So why is it, what s going on?
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Why is it that I don t leave enough time to figure out how to get to the things, to get to my appointments on time?
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And again, this could be personal, this could be work.
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What s the underlying dynamic?
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I don t know.
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Maybe it could be a big thing or it could be a small thing.
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It could be, you know, I have six projects that I m working on right now and I m totally drained and overwhelmed and stressed.
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So maybe it has nothing to do with actually time management.
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Maybe it has to do with my level of overcommitment.
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So now I have an underlying dynamic.
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That could be one example.
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There might be five other ones.
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But so there s an underlying dynamic that says, well, I m taking on too much in my life.
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Okay, now I ve got to do something about that.
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So now I ve got an underlying dynamic to this problem that I want to solve.
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So now I m going to create a small next step.
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That s the C in the dance process.
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How do I create a small next step?
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Okay, I m going to remove one of those six projects.
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Ah, you know, it sucks.
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I really like that project, but you know what?
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I ve decided that this is important.
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It s important to be on time to things.
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And I don t want to piss my friends off.
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And I realized that in order to have to organize my calendar the right way, I ve got to have a few less things on it.
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So small price to pay.
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I m going to lose the sixth most important project on my project list.
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I m going to come back to it next year or next quarter.
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So now I ve created a small next step that I m going to do right now.
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I m going to go into my, to Evernote or whatever my tool is that I m using, and I m going to delete it.
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I m not going to put, I m not going to delay it to tomorrow.
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We re all really good.
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Oh, I won t do it today.
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I ll do it tomorrow.
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I m going to delete it.
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It s gone.
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It s gone from my mental and headspace.
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So I don t think about it.
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I don t worry about it.
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I don t stress about it.
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So now I ve changed the underlying dynamic a little bit.
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Now, E, established personal accountability.
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I m not going to try to do this myself because you know what?
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I ve been struggling with time management for 30 years.
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So I m not going to pretend, I m not going to be stupid and think that I can do this all by myself.
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Maybe I can get started with it, but I want somebody else.
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I want to witness.
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So I m going to send an email to a friend of mine or to a colleague at work and I m going to say, hey, here s the deal.
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I decided I want to get better at time management because I m tired of driving the people around me crazy with this terrible habit that people have been nicely joking about with me for the last couple of decades.
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But you know what?
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I don t want to be that kind of person anymore.
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So I m changing it and here s what I did to change it.
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I deleted this project.
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So in order to hold me accountable, if I bring this up, I want you to say, stop, don t talk about that.
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You said you weren t gonna talk about that until you nipped this time management thing in the butt, right?
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Didn t you agree to that?
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That s how I want you to hold me accountable.
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So now I ve established a little mini accountability for myself.
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So I ve got someone in my life that isn t me who s going to be noticing, who s going to be watching.
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They can be playful with us.
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They can be like, remember, you said not until you re on time for everything in your life for a month, you re not going to bring this project back.
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And it s only been three days.
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So we re not talking about that.
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So that s an example, you know, hopefully that helps.
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And, you know, this is something I ve had teams use the dance method to solve massive cultural dysfunction, right?
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Like, hey, we don t seem to be getting along.
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You can start the dance process from, we don t seem to be getting along, or we can t hit our sales number.
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You can use the dance method for that.
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Okay, what s the problem?
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Because the problem is we can t hit our sales number.
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That s not a problem you can solve.
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There s something else that s going on.
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And by using this method, you break it down into its component parts so that you can get traction on any problem, any conflict, personal, professional, combination of both.
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It s a very powerful tool.
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Thank you, Jonathan.
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And of course, everybody, don t forget about the Art of Charm Challenge.
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It ll help you connect with others, create more productive personal and business relationships.
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That s why we re here.
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And we have step-by-step challenges to help you move forward.
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And there s a Facebook group with thousands of other AOC family
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taking the challenge as well.
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Of course, AJ and I are in there with the rest of the AOC team, helping him move through
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through the challenges as well.
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It s really cool for me to see the growth going on in there.
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It s kind of amazing actually.
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I really like that.
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Text the word charmed, C-H-A-R-M-E-D to 33444 in the states or just go to theartofcharm.com slash challenge and get rocking.
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Alright everybody, have a great week.