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To build resiliency means you have to surround yourself with people who are supportive.
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Welcome to the Art of Charm.
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I m your host, Jordan Harbinger.
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Today, I m very excited to have Johnny and AJ from the AOC Bootcamp Team.
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They re the guys who teach our live programs, our bootcamps, here at AOC in LA.
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Today, we re talking about resilience.
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This is, of course, an AOC Toolbox episode.
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These are the ones that we teach concrete AOC skills to get you in the game, to level up, and to build those foundational skills for you to build up the rest of your life.
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Today, resilience, getting back up after you fail.
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why this is crucial bedrock for you to build other skills and build other mindsets, how to develop this type of resilient mindset, this type of skill set, and the mental models you need to handle problems in ways that actually build resilience.
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By the way, if you re new to the show, we d love to send you some top episodes and the rest of the AOC toolbox.
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where we discuss things like reading body language and having charismatic nonverbal communication, the science of attraction, negotiation techniques, social engineering, networking and influence strategies, mentorship, persuasion tactics, and everything else that we teach here at The Art of Charm.
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Check that out at theartofcharm.com slash toolbox or in our iPhone app at theartofcharm.com slash iPhone.
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Also at theartofcharm.com slash podcast, you can find the full show notes for this and all previous episodes of the show.
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We re glad to have you with us here today at AFC.
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So enjoy this episode with AJ and Johnny of The Art of Charm.
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All right, so first things first, frame building and resiliency.
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I mean, what is resiliency, first of all?
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I think that s pretty self-explanatory, but it s just, as like the rubber band, you re just ready to go again.
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You fall down, and how quickly can you get back up?
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How quickly can you be ready to give it another round?
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I mean, that is one in itself of key to life.
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bouncing back from difficult experiences.
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And it s an ability that we continue to strengthen, just like we talked about in previous episodes, confidence in ourselves over time.
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So it s important that we realize that resiliency isn t just built through one event, one trauma, one tragedy in our life.
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Resiliency is built over time so that you can adapt to these adversities that you re facing.
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The important thing to realize about resiliency is it doesn t mean that you do not feel the stress or you do not feel the emotional impact.
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It just means that you bounce back from it.
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I think a lot of times people view resiliency as almost a stoicism of like deflecting and just not feeling or a numbness when actually resiliency is built on the back of that emotional distress and pain.
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So you are feeling it, it is impacting you, it s your ability to bounce back from it that s important.
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And there s certainly no learning without anxiety or emotion or any of those things, and that s just going to come with it.
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So, Johnny, you mentioned that resilience is a key to successful living.
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Why is it so important?
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Why is this ability to resist or to accept and move on from disruptive change so important?
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Inevitably, you get knocked down.
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Everybody does.
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That s just life.
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The one thing that you know when you re born is you re gonna die.
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And so, it just comes with living.
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And now, understanding that, then it becomes, well, when it comes to adversity, how will I handle it?
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And will I handle it well?
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Will I continue to gather tools that allow me to turn adversity into victory?
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Or will I flail and get thrown into the underworld or depression very well?
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We might not be able to find our way out without resiliency.
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Give us a couple examples, I mean, for how resilience has played a role in the development of the company and in your life.
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Well, you know, I think from us building this company, had we not been able to move forward after getting the first punch or getting knocked down the first time, we certainly wouldn t be here.
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And I would say after close to a decade, we ve gotten punched how many times?
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I mean... More than we can remember.
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It s like a Ronda Rousey fight.
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How many times do we want to look at that?
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Does she know how many times she got punched?
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She doesn t know how many times she got punched.
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I don t know exactly how many times we got punched either.
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Absolutely not.
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It was a number and... We will continue.
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to have it.
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I mean, that s us.
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Yeah, I mean, anytime you build something, there are forces that are looking to destroy it and hold you back and impact you.
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So it s not something that we look to the future as being smooth sailing.
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Yeah, absolutely not.
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So for me, there s important factors that we have to talk about when it comes to resiliency and people who are resilient.
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And the most important thing is a confidence in your abilities and understanding that you can, in the future, accomplish something.
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It s when you give up all hope that you lose resiliency.
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So it is that capacity to make realistic plans and then actually act out on those plans.
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Resiliency is not just a thought, it s in your action.
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And to understand that it s not going to be pretty.
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Like if you can just let go of it being perfect and it s not gonna be too pretty, it s going to be downright ugly.
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But if you continue to move forward, you get to the other side.
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And if our evolution as a company, it may not have been all that pretty, at points it may have been goddamn ugly, but we re on the other side, things work.
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We re continuing to look forward into all the places we re going to move into.
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It may at its worst find it being ugly, but looking back, it was triumphant.
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It was a beautiful journey.
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and wanted to still grow.
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It s strength in your communication and problem solving.
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It s having that adaptability so that you don t look at anything as finite, you don t look at anything as insurmountable or unable to be overcome.
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You actually look at something as reasonable and have expectations that things at a later date will improve.
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And it s your ability to handle these strong feelings and emotions.
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We do know that there will be times that the wind gets knocked out of your sails and you re at a complete standstill, but if your impulse is to just quit, we need to start learning to control those strong emotions and impulses.
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That s how we re gonna build resiliency.
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So have you noticed that this trend, aside from just us here at AOC, have you noticed this running through other companies, other endeavors, other successful folks?
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Sure, every entrepreneur has spent time in gaining resiliency.
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Whether they wanted it or not, right?
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Whether they wanted it or not, every artist, every person, it s just part of life.
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As I said, what are the tools that you have to deal with adversity?
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That s what it is.
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It s the hero s journey.
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Absolutely.
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Which is why we buy into so many other people and look up to them and idolize them, because they have overcome some adversity, which means they have resiliency.
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That s why we tend to prop them up.
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And if you listen to any entrepreneur s story, or athlete s story, or professional s story, there s always going to be those moments where it feels like the world is working against you.
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And nothing is breaking your way.
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And that begins with a start.
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You, your starting point.
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It ends with a end goal that you want to get to.
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and then your journey getting there.
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Now, upon getting to your end goal, you will meet adversity.
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You ll either find a tool to work through that adversity to get the other side, or you ll find yourself in dealing with that adversity until you find the tool that allows you to move through it.
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Those are your options.
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And when you meet adversity and you don t have a tool,
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you will spend time getting depressed, getting angry, getting frustrated, anxious.
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But if you continue to battle through, eventually, you will find what you need to get to the other side, to get yourself out of that adversity to your end goal.
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And that is a hero s journey.
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And what makes that story special, because that story is embedded in human evolution,
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far back as they ve been bringing stories.
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Right.
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Predates religion.
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Predates religion.
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One of my favorite exercises for this, and you have to go to nature to do it, so I was fortunate enough to be out in Joshua Tree recently where you could actually see the stars, but it is taking that moment of perspective, right?
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A lot of times we have this tunnel vision, this goggles on that we are
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on this journey towards this end goal and we forget that there are many people that have accomplished the same things if not greater things which means they ve overcome adversity.
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So our adversity is not unique and just by staring up at the night sky and looking at the stars and realizing that we ve been
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That ll give you perspective.
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A lot longer than my lifetime.
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Well, and we ve said it on other podcasts.
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It s hard to see other people s journey because we can only see the world through our own senses, which puts us always in the middle of it.
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It s hard to see other people s journey, but looking up at the sky and seeing, getting an idea of just how minuscule your problems are,
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Start thinking about time the amount of years you ve been on this earth the amount of years that star has been burning Yeah, the pinprick on the timeline of eternity.
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Oh my god, so that should give you some perspective.
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Yeah Timeline right looking at the timeline of this events and realizing that these are actually the parts of your life getting over these
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Dips joy downturns that lead to the greatest success sometimes when you think about the hero s journey that rebirth right that sure Newing nature once again when you don t have a lot of experience in your boat It s hard you get an idea of that timeline.
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I think that s why I
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Teenagers are so susceptible to suicide.
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They re in high school, things aren t going their way, puberty s kicking the shit out of them, they feel like an alien, they can t connect to anyone, and maybe they re going through some things.
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You start to begin to think that every day is going to be this ass kick.
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Because the timeline is so short that this is like their only adult situation they ve ever been in of this.
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Sure, and to understand that high school doesn t last forever when your timeline isn t that long is, it s impossible.
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It s very heavy to gain that perspective.
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So you got to do what you can to know that things will change.
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They re not always gonna be this way.
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You are gonna come to the other side.
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Sometimes just sitting through it is the tool that you need.
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Patience is the tool that you need to just work through that to get to the other side.
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Yeah, and the last thing you need in that situation is a dramatic emotional impulse to pull you outside of that patience and outside of that view.
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You mentioned that without tools we are only able to observe the world through our own senses.
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What tools are you referring to?
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Well, it s the tools that get to the other side of that depression, that anxiety, that anxiousness, and it can be anything.
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We mentioned patience, right?
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We mentioned just sitting in it.
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We mentioned in other podcasts accepting what the problem is, accepting your problems, not taking yourself so seriously, knowing that
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This is just one of many hero s journeys that you re gonna be going through.
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Making connections, building a support group of people around you who in those dark moments are offering you the light, are offering you positivity.
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And the one thing that we say in class is the person that you invest the most time in, in those dark moments, you re going to gain their perspective.
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and if they have a tendency to perceive the dark as even darker than you, then that s only going to be the perspective that you re offered, and it s gonna really impact your actions.
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So to build resiliency means you have to surround yourself with people who are supportive.
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I mean, in the program, this is why we spend all of Wednesday talking about values.
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So you are able to see the behaviors, actions, thoughts, and feelings of the people who are going to be sending light your way rather than darkness your way in that time.
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and picking up on those signals so that you can filter in the right people.
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And understand, I mean, if you feel that you have a lot of negative forces around you, you are in control of that.
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You can change that.
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You build your social circle.
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I know for me, the biggest tragedy, trauma in my life of losing my father and the pain that came along with that in my 20s did feel insurmountable.
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In fact, looking around and having friends that still had fathers, having family members that still had fathers, and they re all trying to offer their advice, and you do start to feel a little bit alone in this situation.
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For me, it was accepting the change, accepting that this is a part of life.
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I may not have signed up for everything that life has to offer me, but this is a part.
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The loss of a loved one is a part of life, and having just that perspective, and it took me well over a year, if not years, to get there, was an important part of building resiliency for me personally.
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to toughen you up, finding opportunities for you to learn, find places in your character that are deficient and find ways to strengthen them.
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That is a scary thing in itself.
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But once again, when you understand the hero s journey and you look for opportunities to take it over and over again, now you ve put yourself in a position to really move into being the best that you can be, which, if you re listening to this podcast, is one of your goals.
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In fact, that s why we got involved in it.
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Taking decisive action.
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A lot of times we lose that ability in a really stressful situation, our emotions overwhelm us, and we just hope the problem would go away.
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Just wish that this would all just dissolve.
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And it doesn t work that way.
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It s actually through action and movement away from the problem that we get to a solution.
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So it s realizing that you have to be decisive.
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See, as I mentioned,
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understanding the hero s journey and looking for opportunities to take multiple hero s journeys.
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And there s ways of finding where you re deficient in your character.
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First is finding your guttural, emotional response of fear to whichever stimuli and putting yourself in that position to work through that, to deal with it.
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And yes, it s going to be uncomfortable.
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Yes, it s going to be hard.
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And you might even find yourself getting frustrated and ask yourself, why do I do this to myself?
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Well, there is a reason.
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So you can be a better self.
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And so finding that thing that makes your heart skip, that thing that raises the hair on the back of your neck, and going, well, obviously if I m having this response, I must hang out, investigate, discover a little bit more about it.
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And after you get a few of those fears conquered,
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you start to realize the perspective around fear and how it can impact actions in a very irrational way.
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So it allows your mind to start rationally categorizing those fears so that you can start overcoming them in easier ways than just the first one.
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So I know it s so funny, even on the program, for some of us that have so much fear and social anxiety around conversation and talking to people, we re sitting on the couch on Tuesday and
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oh, we re gonna have to interact with 200 people in a week?
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200 people I don t know, I ve never met before?
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Right, it can sound like a very daunting task.
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It can be that, whoa, gut-clencher, oh, this is fearful, this is gonna be very difficult.
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And nine times out of 10, by Wednesday, having a few wins under your belt and understanding that the fear was unfounded, we often see our clients after the program expressing confidence in other areas of their life and taking on new challenges that they never would have thought possible.
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So that situational confidence starts to meld into, I don t want to say general confidence, because there s kind of no such thing, but into the confidence to realize that you can apply these things in different areas.
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Right, so a belief in your ability to walk into the fear and manage the fear, and know that that uncomfortable feeling that I ve been avoiding is a part of the learning process.
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Well, you and I had just went to a conference a few months ago, and it was an opportunity for us to find, as presenters, as a lecturer, where we might be deficient, where we could be better, right?
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And obviously, walking into that, we both feel very good about it.
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We know there s some holes, but we can t see them for ourselves, and those have to be pointed out.
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walking into something to find out where I suck at something that I think I m really good at.
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Well, I remember I reached out to you.
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I was like, hey, you want to come check this event out with me?
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Sure.
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We re going to see what the dog and pony show is, see how it compares, and hopefully learn a lot about what we can do to be a better version.
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And then the reality of it is we re walking in knowing I m going to get a few shots along the way.
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However, once again, finding out what things can be better, where we ve been lacking, and an opportunity to get better, I ll take that shot of the chip every day.
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And then know on the other side that holy shit, I m a world-class presenter.
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I have a grasp on the concepts and I can communicate those concepts in a way that leads to action and the people who are taking the class is that self-fulfilling confidence.
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learning that, hey, I can improve, taking steps to improve only triples down on that confidence that we re trying to build.
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Well, I know from the guys who are coming through the program, that idea of throwing themselves into, as Theodore Roosevelt would say, throwing themselves into the arena to get your ass kicked, right?
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And it s terrifying.
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Who wants to do that?
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However, you know, logically, on the other side, you re gonna be that much better for it.
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And so then it becomes, well, if I understand it logically, I have to emotionally come to terms with that.
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That comes from turning that experience into something that is scary, into something that is fun, something that is humorful and challenging.
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So if you re now doing something that you re going to have some fun with, that s going to be challenging, and you re going to enjoy that journey, well then,
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you look for that opportunity everywhere you can get it.
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So now the guys leave program looking for challenges, looking for ways to get better, looking for opportunities to throw themselves in the arena to get their ass kicked.
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So maybe that is taking more opportunities to present live so they can get better at presenting in front of the room at work.
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perhaps it may be throwing themselves into an improv class to learn how to think quick on their feet and get more wittier in those moments of when they felt like they re in their head and they don t have anything to say in those moments.
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Hitting the reset button on a relationship that was meaningful to them in their life or with a family member where things have been disjointed.
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I think when you shine a very strong spotlight on a fear and you allow your mind
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after action to rationalize that the fear really wasn t as bad as you thought, then you kind of start seeking out those other areas of your life that have held you back, and you relish those moments where you can kind of lock horns with it and take it on.
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A way of going through that is just strengthening up your frame, understanding who you are.
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And that first part begins of understanding your past, coming to terms with it, knowing that you can t change it.
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We talked about this in another podcast, just having an acceptance of who that person is.
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And then when it comes to who we are now, looking around us, what things from the people you have in your life, what traits do you most admire about that person?
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because you re gonna pick the things that you re looking to improve yourself with.
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And you see that s what you see in others that you enjoy, that s what you re currently wishing more of for yourself.
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And then at the end, when it comes back to the hero s journey, where are you going, right?
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What steps now are you gonna be taking to get to that position?
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And when we think about a hero, do we think about a hero as someone who is physically unfit, mentally unstable?
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Absolutely not.
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No, so obviously to build resilience, we have to be in tune with our mind and our body.
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We have to take care of our thoughts and our patterns.
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We also have to take care of our body and exercise.
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We re hanging out here in Denver, working on some stuff for the business, and it s snowing outside, blizzard style.
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But we slept to the gym.
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Why?
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Because we know that if we get that exercise in, mentally, the right switches get plugged in, get turned on, and all of a sudden, I m firing on all cylinders to do this podcast.
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In those moments where we re feeling tragedy, when we re feeling the ultimate adversity, it s picking up a weight, it s getting your body moving, allowing yourself to put thought into what is my body doing and feeling versus the thoughts that are going on upstairs.
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Think about the most charismatic people that you look up to, right?
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They re a little bit rough around the edges.
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They have a good tongue-in-cheek style about them.
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They can wink at challenges and smile and laugh and throw themselves into them.
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And look at it from the female s perspective.
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She doesn t want someone
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who s been untried she doesn t want to be what s anyone who s unchallenged this is where that whole idea of women like bad boys come from because when i see a guy who s been through some adversity who s a bit rough and tumble for it she knows that when that comes up again he s the rock he s not getting washed
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He s not getting washed away.
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So therefore, all of a sudden, that guy becomes very charismatic, very attractive, and so that look comes from facing those fears, putting yourself in that adversity.
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And that s the only way you will get that.
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You know what else is the best part about this, and we see this time and time again?
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Out of those fears can come our greatest passions.
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And how many times do we hear from guys, I have no passion?
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I don t care about anything.
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I m still looking for it.
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So if you re not feeling the positive emotion, let s go to the things that are giving you the strongest negative emotion and let s start chipping away at those.
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And a lot of times what you ll find is the thing you ve been running from the most can actually empower you the most and turn into that positive emotion.
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Well, look at for human evolution, right?
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There was a time in human evolution where we were afraid of fire.
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We were afraid of it, then we got curious about it, then we started poking around with it, and then what happened?
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Throw some meat on it.
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Now we wield fire, right?
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Now we use fire.
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That only came from, once again, that fear, that adversity.
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You don t think that first guy got burnt a bit, figuring out how to use it?
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Oh yeah, he burned a lot of shit, himself, everything around him.
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No stem cell treatments back then, unfortunately.
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I think if you d asked me 10, 15 years ago, what I m worried about the most or what my sort of nightmare scenario would have been, it would have been like, oh, being on stage with a bunch of people looking at me, which I now do all the time.
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as a regular thing.
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Let s talk about driving to the New York bar through a snowstorm in Canada.
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Oh, yeah.
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We re talking about two days of stress because he couldn t fly to New York.
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We drive to New York to get into the bar and take the bar exam.
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Take the bar exam.
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Just to be clear.
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Think about it.
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It was the bar after the bar exam.
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In those moments, oh my god, I m not gonna be a lawyer, how could this be happening to me?
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The sky is falling, this is the ultimate stress of my life.
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Where you sit right now, how impactful was that?
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Even if I had failed the bar, it wouldn t have mattered, but I took it and I passed on the first try.
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It is allowing yourself to learn from the past.
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Resiliency is not just forward facing either.
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It s allowing yourself to take a step back and go, well, how many other times in my life have I felt this strong, heavy emotion that, oh my God, I m failing on a graduate school.
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Oh my God, I m not gonna accomplish this task.
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Oh my God, I ve had this person turn me down, this person reject me.
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Give it three months and look back.
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The emotion s not as strong.
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The feeling s not as strong.
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So it s learning from our past that is an important component of that resiliency.
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Once again, I think when people look at their past and they maybe see some bad stuff, it s hard for them to frame it in a way that they can get anything positive out of it.
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And I want to make sure that if you are one of those people who just look at the past and see all the bad stuff and kind of get wrapped up in it, understand that you have a choice.
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Your choice is to take the negative and allow it to fuel that negative loop or figure out a way to spin it to get the lesson that allows you to move forward.
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That s the lesson.
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And it took me a number of years to realize the ultimate lesson of my father s passing was the value of your health.
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Taking care of your health and listening to your doctor, listening to your body when it s saying things are wrong and knowing myself that genetically I m predisposed to some heart concerns
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That rationalization finally after getting through the trauma and getting through the mourning process of like okay Well, I m not gonna be on this planet for 150 years I got to start valuing my body and my health now because it is something over time that is going to decay sure without the hero s journey without Facing that fear and moving through it.
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You re not gonna get that now in the moment.
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I
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Could I have told AJ at 29 years old, oh, okay, here s what s gonna happen.
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You re gonna learn that your health is the most important thing, don t worry about it.
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Yeah, and when you were in the middle of that, and if somebody did come over and tell you that, what would you have told them?
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Yes, go fuck yourself, is what you would have told them.
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And so when you are in that adversity or that turmoil, when you look back upon that, understand that yes, those were dark times, but that was what I had to go through.
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That s what my end was.
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And guess what?
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Not everyone makes it out of that.
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Sometimes resiliency is built through therapy.
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I know a lot of times we like to think that we are the most capable, the strongest, we can overcome any odds, but sometimes you re in a moment where you need to see someone and talk about these things
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talk through these emotions and talk through these events with a professional, with someone who can guide you through this to overcome those strong impulses and emotions that we re talking about and help you build that resiliency.
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But much like we talked about building confidence as a structure, resiliency is not something that was built overnight.
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No, that road wasn t built in a day.
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Well, that seems to be kind of the riddle, right?
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As you build it,
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by taking a beating all the time.
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So you can t really avoid the beating and just still build the resiliency that you need.
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You actually kind of have to lean into the beating.
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Yeah, well, it s funny.
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AJ had mentioned that we re here in Denver doing some work, and of course, I m enjoying myself out here, but it s cold.
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It s 13 degrees today.
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They re having a snowstorm.
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Would I like to be sitting in LA in 70-degree weather at the beach, drinking a margarita?
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I like that too.
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I made a post on it on Facebook, and the first thing that I heard back was, suck it up.
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And my reply was, well, yeah, because I have to.
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And I will find plenty of great stuff to do with the 13 degree weather and the snowstorm.
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Oh, well, I just checked.
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It s 7 degrees now.
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Oh, it s 7 degrees.
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7.
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So, well, the hell with it then.
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I m never getting out of here.
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I m stuck here forever.
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There was an opportunity I had in the past year to go to Bali, and one of the guys planning the trip had his eyes set on this volcano.
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And he really wanted to hike this volcano in preparation for Everest Base Camp.
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The Bali trip that I signed on for was a lot of surfing, a lot of juicing, and a lot of hanging out at the beach.
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So he kind of passively mentioned the volcano.
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We didn t really think about it.
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And it was four of us.
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We re all pretty strong, in-shape guys.
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And I didn t really prepare for this track and it s getting closer and closer to travel time.
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So I pull up a packing list and I start to realize like, holy shit, this volcano is 10,000 feet and this is a real journey.
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And I will tell you that there were multiple times going up this volcano that I was ready to quit, that I was like, the pain is too much.
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My big toe is actually still purple and we re talking like 10, 11 months ago, right?
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You look at things, and in the moment, it feels like this next step is impossible.
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This one next step, my foot s gonna fall off, I can t do this.
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It is unbelievably difficult.
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I can now tell you that I never would have imagined this in the moment, and actually it took weeks to even say that that part of the trip was, at a bare minimum, enjoyable.
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It s now one of the most important things that I did in the last year, and it s gonna be a landmark on my timeline of life of like, I climbed that volcano.
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I was woefully underprepared and somewhat stupid and idiotic for signing up, but I got to the top, and that moment now, I look back on and I say, well, what else can I accomplish?
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Absolutely, and it s funny you should mention that because I believe I had talked to you about that trip just when you got home and you certainly didn t have that sunny disposition.
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No, so the worst thing to do after making that trek is in your hotel room to research Mount Ranjani.
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Yeah.
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And realize that there s at least three to four fatalities a year due to poorly trained leads, guides getting you up the mountain.
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Well, something to add to that, and it s hard when you re in the moment, but if you can think about this and you can get this perspective, it s no matter what you re dealing with, there s somebody who had to deal with it a hundred times worse than you re dealing with it.
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So you can imagine when you re bitching to yourself about what s going on, like, let s just take, for instance, today, and you re like seven degrees, there s another guy, imaginary guy on my shoulder going, that ain t nothing.
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You want to see something that s nothing so these guides going up the volcano carrying our campsite Yeah, have a long bamboo pole with a propane tank on one side and the tent on the other side And I ll post a photo on the blog of these guys.
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I m in hiking boots, Gore-Tex I m geared up.
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He s in flip-flops, bathing suit, and it s two degrees.
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There you go.
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That ain t nothing.
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And he s doing this to survive.
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Somehow I was dumb enough to do this as a tourist.
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Exactly.
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So every person s journey has their ups and downs, and some of them are far stronger downs than we ve ever felt.
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Far bigger things to overcome than we ve ever felt.
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Getting that perspective is important.
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And from our perspective, we ll never, ever, ever
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understand what it was like for their position.
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And that s a good thing.
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Yeah, for me, I mean, there s a lot of instances of resilience being built just looking in retrospect, right?
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You can t really see, well, right now I m building resiliency by dealing with this, because in the moment, like you said with the volcano, you re just like, this sucks.
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If you re not like, oh, this sucks, I m building resiliency, it s probably not hard enough to build the real resiliency that you need, unless you ve got some Dalai Lama level self-awareness in the moment.
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But I remember when we were starting AOC, and this was kind of a hobby, but kind of a business.
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Johnny, you had a side gig working at a bar through my friend so that you could eat.
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AJ, I don t even know if you had moved out to New York yet.
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My timeline s a little foggy on that.
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New York s not an easy place to live.
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I ve never lived there before, and you re starting everything.
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And there s millions of people do all the time, but it s certainly not.
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You re not supposed to make it there.
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The old saying is, if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere.
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So what does that tell you?
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Yeah, and I mean that worked great in retrospect, but in the moment when the law thing didn t work out because of the layoff slash Politely asking everyone to take a leave of absence that never reinstated or whatever that was back then I mean I spent a few days going
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I gotta get another job, this is awful.
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And then I spent another couple days thinking like, oh, this doesn t even matter, let s throw caution to the wind.
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And then there was some sort of balanced, measured response where it was like, all right, let s just try to make AOC work like we were doing anyway, double down on it.
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But only after a few years did I look back and go,
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All that panic of worrying about the job and the income and all that stuff, it worked out because we survived.
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But even if we hadn t survived, I probably wouldn t have looked at that as some sort of crisis, not getting a legal job.
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Because at the end of the day, doing what we re doing now,
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If I were still a lawyer now, there s no way I would be nearly as happy as I am now, almost no way, because in the moment, it was a terrible thing to lose that law job the first year, have the economy tank our first, second years out of grad school.
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On the other hand, it was the best thing that ever happened to me, but that only became clear
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half a decade out.
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I only really had a teachable moment from that after going through other crap at AOC with other people or other situations and going, look, we survived these other situations, we ll figure it out, we always do.
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Yeah, it comes with the territory.
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And lastly, it s about being flexible.
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I feel that ultimately resiliency is that ability to absorb the blow and move on from the blow.
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What do they say in defense in football?
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Ben don t break exactly and having that flexibility to know okay sometimes I need to lean into this emotion But sometimes I need to withdraw from this emotion and and know that everything s going to be okay.
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I m going to bounce back It s that flexibility in nature of resiliency that allows us to overcome those terrible traumatic moments in our life absolutely
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All right, well guys, this has been super interesting.
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There s a lot of stories about resiliency that I know you guys tell during bootcamp that may not be safe for the delicate earbuds of many of our listeners, so if you all come through bootcamp, you ll hear some uncensored stuff that you can t unhear, but guys, great stuff, really interesting and super useful, and I think it, especially if you re going through some serious-ish right now,
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You can take pretty cold comfort, but comfort nonetheless in that in a few years or months or whatever, you re gonna look back at this particular situation that you re in right now and realize that you came away better for it.
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It s being like steel forged in fire.
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Super important toolbox episode skills as usual.
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Great big thank you to AJ and Johnny of the AOC team.
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You can find more from them at theartofcharm.com.
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Of course, remember you can tap your phone screen to see the show notes.
3
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Those should appear directly on your phone.
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I m on Twitter here with producer Jason.
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Articles, insights, other ways to engage with the show, I m at theartofcharm on Twitter.
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And Jason is at JPDEF, J-P-D-E-F.
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Our boot camps, our live program details, if you like what you heard today on this resilience toolbox, check us out at theartofcharm.com slash bootcamp.
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Join thousands of other guys who ve been through the program who will become your network for life all around the world and learn all of the skills that you hear on the toolbox.
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Of course, we drill them pretty hard over the course of the week.
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It s a lot of fun.
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It is rewarding for us and for you, that s the idea, and very much life-changing.
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So check that out at theartofcharm.com slash bootcamp.
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We also have the AOC Challenge at theartofcharm.com slash challenge, or you can text the word charmed, C-H-A-R-M-E-D, to 33444.
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The challenge is about improving your networking skills and your connection skills, and inspiring those around you to develop a personal and professional relationship with you.
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We ll also email you our fundamentals toolbox that I mentioned earlier on the show, which includes some great practical stuff on reading body language, having charismatic nonverbal communication, negotiation, attraction science, networking and influence strategies, persuasion tactics, and everything else that we teach here at The Art of Charm.
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I also do regular videos with drills and exercises to help you move forward.
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The idea is to make you a better networker, a better connector, and a better thinker.
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That s theartofcharm.com slash challenge or text charmed to 33444.
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For full...
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For more show notes for this and all previous episodes, head on over to theartofcharm.com slash podcast.
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This episode of AOC was produced by Jason DeFillippo.
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Jason Sanderson is our audio engineer and editor.
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Show notes on the website are by Robert Fogerty.
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I m your host, Jordan Harbinger.
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Go ahead, tell your friends, because the greatest compliment you can give us is a referral to someone else either in person or shared on the web.
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Word of mouth really is everything.
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So stay charming and leave everything and everyone better than you found them.
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Thanks for listening to the Art of Charm.
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Get more confidence, relationship skills, life hacks, and more at theartofcharmpodcast.com.