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Welcome to Minnesota Monday.
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Happy to be here with you kicking off the week with something quick and actionable that you can implement right away that will make you more magnetic and effective.
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Today we re talking with my friend John Levy, author of the 2AM Principle.
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We re going to discuss how to end conversations and leave conversations that you don t want to be in without burning the bridge and something called the copy machine effect.
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You can start using this right away.
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Here s John Levy.
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We re back with John Levy, author of The 2AM Principle.
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Look, you go on a lot of adventures, you have a lot of events, even the influencers dinners that we have at your place, or that you have, we, I ve been to a few, at your place, you meet a lot of interesting people.
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They re curated, but when you re out and about, you don t have the ability to curate beforehand, you gotta do it in real time.
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So if you meet somebody great, great, they re in your group.
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If you meet somebody not so great, what do you do to maybe cut ties without making a scene, without burning a bridge, without making it a whole thing?
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So this is a really uncomfortable situation.
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I actually get approached by a lot of people and they want to have conversations and learn and network and connect with the people that I know.
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Or maybe I met somebody out at a party, I m traveling through Europe and I need to figure out a way to isolate the people I want to spend time with and not include other people that I might not find as interesting.
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And so there s a few things I do.
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If it s just me by myself, I look at my phone really quickly and I go, oh, I m so sorry.
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If you could please excuse me, I have to deal with this.
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It s time sensitive.
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And then I go and answer an email in the corner by myself and try to avoid making eye contact.
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Or if it s somebody who s just continuously speaking, I pick up my phone.
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So there s two things you can do.
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One is there s these apps that will call you.
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Nice, so there s something called a do button by if TTT if this than that and if I push the button on my phone It will call me Sweet so a moment a few moments later.
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It starts ringing.
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You can pick up you say oh, please excuse me.
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This is important and the important It s important.
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It s myself calling and they want to get the hell out of here right now.
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Oh
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And I am really important.
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So it s a call from somebody super important.
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So there s that.
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Now, the more awkward situation is if, let s say I m at a bar, I m with a group of people and somebody tries to join the group or something like that.
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And in those situations, I just kind of level with people in the nicest way possible.
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People you don t want to join the group, because normally you re going to let people join the group if they re fun, right?
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Oh, yeah.
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My general belief is the more the merrier, unless like my friend is trying to hit on some girl and then another guy.
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Yeah, you got to run a little interference.
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Got it.
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Got it.
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But yeah, generally the more the merrier.
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I got it.
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Because when you re traveling, like all the tourists want to get together.
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They all want to drink.
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They all want to have like an epic night out.
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And so
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you know, also if somebody s harmless, like it s no big deal.
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But sometimes like I ve come across people who are depressed and like just super negative.
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And I kind of pull them aside.
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I m like, Hey, listen, I m super sorry.
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But I promised that I d catch up with my friends or like, we re trying to have kind of an intimate evening.
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And I look them in the eye and I shake their hand and I m like, I hope you have a really wonderful night.
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But we are going to just spend some quality time together.
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And what s really important is to add the word because.
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Right, yes.
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And my hunch is you ve probably spoken about the photocopy experiments.
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Go ahead.
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I think it s been a while.
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So essentially, a series of experiments were done at school.
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People were lined up to use the photocopier, and we wanted to, not we, the researchers wanted to see what would the effects be if somebody wants to cut in line.
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So they tested it in a few ways.
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One is, they had people come up and say, mind if I cut to the front of the line, because I need to be somewhere in a few minutes.
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And they figured that sense of urgency would cause people to let them cut, and in the overwhelming majority of the cases, no problem.
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Then they had people test, can I just cut you in line, and a certain percentage of the time it would still work, and people would just let them with no explanation.
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But in the third scenario, they had people say, do you mind if I cut you in line because, and then they followed it up with something completely absurd, I want to make copies.
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No additional information was given.
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No real difference in anything.
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But because we used the word because, it had almost identical results to when people had a legitimate reason.
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And so giving people a reason makes a huge difference.
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Regardless of the reason.
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Yeah.
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And because this is Minnesota Monday and we re running out of time, let s go back to getting rid of people in a polite way.
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So you re using the photocopier effect saying, we need to do this and we need to be alone because I said that I would do that.
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Well, Jordan, let me just say this right now.
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I really wish I could keep talking to you and recording this Minnesota Monday.
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It s a real pleasure to shake your hand and say I m just going to excuse myself because I need to catch up with a friend that s in the other room.
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So I hope you and your listeners have a great evening.
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Awesome.
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Thanks for coming back on.
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I guess you re just going to leave now and I ll be here.
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With my recorder.
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Yes.
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All by yourself.
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Alone.
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Yes.
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Thanks, John.
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Much appreciated.
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That s it for Minnesota Monday.
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