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Hey, Jordan Harbinger here.
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Welcome to Mini-Sowed Monday.
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I m happy to be here with you, kicking off the week with something quick and actionable that you can implement right away that ll make you more magnetic and effective.
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Oh, look, gratitude.
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I almost don t like this word.
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Jason and I are sick of hearing about it.
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When people put it in their show prep, we cross it off, because we hear about this practice just constantly, and that s because it s really effective, but it s also, you know, I try to add a little spice and flavor to your life, not just repeat the same stuff as everybody else.
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But I gotta tell ya, gratitude is usually broadcasted to us as a form of meditation or mindfulness or as a way of becoming happier.
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And like most good things, we ve reduced gratitude into a thing to be done, right?
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Like in the morning, I ll even write down in my gratitude journal and it s on my calendar.
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It s this cute mental concept.
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So when you hear, you have to be grateful, what we usually hear is, you have to go through the motions of being grateful, you have to say thank you a lot, you have to be happy even when you re bummed, but
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Done right, gratitude really is one of the most powerful things we can do in our lives, and one of the fastest ways to happiness and connection.
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So let s talk about what gratitude really means, why it matters, and how it should actually be done to yield practical results.
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Now here s a fun fact, the word thanks comes from the old English thank, which means thought or gratitude, but it s also related to the Latin tangere, or tangere, I don t know, I m not, I haven t studied Latin.
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Jason, got anything for me on that one?
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After the gnocchi incident, I prefer to stay out of it.
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Gotcha, okay.
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Anyway, that Latin means to know, so to thank is really to know, to know someone and to know yourself, to know what they did for you and to know how it affected you.
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How cool is that?
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So now we have something to work with.
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Because it s really hard to be thankful sometimes.
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If I told you, be thankful, you d be like, great, how, why?
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What if I m angry or sad or I m not actually thankful and I don t want to be?
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So if I told you to know, now that you can do.
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In just a few seconds, you can remember what a friend did for you last week or a lesson you picked up during a tough meeting or a really nice meal that you recently enjoyed.
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You can know those things because knowing about them is easy.
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That knowing is the beginning of gratitude.
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In fact, it is gratitude, but we ll get there in a second.
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Once we start thinking of gratitude as a kind of knowing, we can start to work with it in our everyday lives.
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And that knowing gives you three things.
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It gives you a way to keep you focused on the good in your life rather than the bad.
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It gives you a killer networking tool to stay in touch with people by thanking them.
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It also gives you a form of generosity which builds social capital and ultimately this leads to more overall happiness.
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So let me tell you a quick story.
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Ben, one of our AOC alumni program graduates, he was pitching his company to a group of investors last week.
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On a pure presentation level, he just crushed it.
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But a few days later, he got a phone call saying they passed, right, they re not into it.
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And they felt he didn t have a clear vision and they weren t too sure about his core team.
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Overall, a pretty big bummer.
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He really needed the cash, he d been working on the company for three years.
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But here s where it gets interesting, though.
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He said that first night after the bad news was pretty rough.
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He was disappointed in himself, he was frustrated, they didn t see his vision, et cetera.
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The next day, though, he thought about their notes and he realized they were dead on.
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He didn t communicate a clear vision, he didn t highlight his core team, and even though he couldn t articulate it, he was aware of that during the meeting.
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But it wasn t just that he didn t have a clear vision, I guess he really did, but he didn t communicate it well in the pitch.
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His core team was hard at work back at the office when he was pitching, and he realized he could have highlighted them more in his pitch, or even brought them to the meeting.
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So the way that he described it to me, all the negative feelings of the night before disappeared and were replaced by a sense of calm, a sense of awareness, and a feeling that he knew what he had to do next.
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He didn t use the word, but I instantly knew what that feeling was.
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It was gratitude.
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That first night, he just couldn t see that those investors were there to help him.
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But the next day, he knew what they had done for him.
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They had taught him what he needed to know at the exact moment to become the entrepreneur that he needed to be.
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They had given him a gift disguised as bad news.
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But that realization was only possible because he chose to take stock not only of the bad, the discomfort of being rejected, but the good, the notes that he received and the pitching practice that he got in.
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And gratitude is funny like that.
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It has a way of transforming bad into good, unpleasant into interesting, and stagnation into progress.
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It s not about ignoring the bad stuff and only focusing on the good stuff, quite the opposite.
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It s about accepting all of it, the awesome and the terrible, and using all of it to your advantage.
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Where you would usually go, ugh, you start to go, hmm.
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It s weird to be thankful to an investor who rejected you.
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Most people can t.
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Most people remain in a state of disappointment, which usually hardens into resentment or some kind of self-loathing.
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We ve all seen people like that, even if we can t see it in ourselves.
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But just taking a moment to know everything there is to know about a situation, without judgment or preference, without shame, this changes your stance on things.
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It s a big fat yes to everything that happens, good, bad, pretty, ugly, and that yes is gratitude.
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So you can see how that stance makes life much more exciting.
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It opens up all sorts of possibilities.
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Is there any such thing as a bad date if you can learn and grow from it?
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Is there as much heaviness around getting fired or losing an employee when those experiences contain the seeds of your own growth?
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Labels like bad and scary start to fall away because underneath them is that yes, that gratitude for whatever s going on in your life.
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You might still feel afraid, you might still feel anxious, but that s just a conditioned response we ve learned from the past.
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Underneath that is something new and much more powerful.
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So if you can feel a curiosity, maybe even a little excitement about what you might gain from any situation, then you re already tapping into your gratitude.
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So the first step in becoming more grateful is to start saying yes to everything that happens.
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Not like, what is that movie, Jason?
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The Yes Man?
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Is that Jim Carrey?
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Yeah.
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That was awesome.
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Not like that though.
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This means saying yes inside, on a cognitive level, on an emotional level, to the events and the people and the circumstances in your life.
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I m not saying you have to be thrilled that your mother is sick or your business partner is evil.
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Definitely not.
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I m saying that there s a moment before you decide how you feel, maybe even a microsecond, in which you can just accept things as they are.
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That s the yes.
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That is gratitude.
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Then, and this is important, especially early on, take a moment every single day to reflect on what went well that day.
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I like to do this when I get into bed, before I fall asleep.
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Other people do this first thing in the morning.
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A lot of people do it multiple times per day.
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There s no right way to do it, but you just have to do it.
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Look, you ll feel a little silly at first, but this practice will become addictive.
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Why?
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Because deep down, you want to be grateful.
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You want to know how you re getting better, how your world is getting better.
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And by taking the time to consciously reflect on that, your gratitude will spill over into your everyday life.
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Over time, this habit will become automatic.
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You can still do it deliberately before you go to bed, but you ll find yourself thinking about the good in your life more and more without even trying.
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Then, once a day, communicate your gratitude.
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If you re lying in bed thinking about the time your work buddy got you through a rough patch, take 30 seconds and shoot him a text, letting him know how much it meant to you.
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There s huge value in just reflecting on the good in your life, and that is great.
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But that reflection can deliver even more value if you take an extra second and communicate it to someone else.
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Because here s the other interesting thing about gratitude.
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It wants to be shared.
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I get emails all the time from people asking for handy tips on how to maintain their relationships.
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This is one of the best that I know.
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Saying thank you without any other agenda is one of the greatest ways to maintain and deepen your connections.
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Not only does it cut through the noise of networking, but it hits the people on a real human level.
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That kind of gratitude is a form of generosity, by the way, which builds social capital, which is the stuff of great relationships.
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Now, if you re interested in learning more about that, I highly recommend checking out our Social Capital Intensive, which teaches you some killer strategies for building relationships based on generosity and authenticity.
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And those are the building blocks of generosity.
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It s not an abstract concept or some woo-woo idea.
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It s available to you here and now, as soon as you re ready to start tapping into it.
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I d even go a step further and say that you must tap into it if you want to lead a successful, happy, interesting life.
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There s a reason the greatest entrepreneurs and leaders have a gratitude practice in their lives.
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They can t do what they do without knowing what they have and what they ve done.
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Remember that knowing is gratitude.
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So once you start to think of gratitude as a practical, ongoing mindset rather than some woo-woo concept, it becomes a very real way of operating out there in the world.
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You could become grateful for anything and everything.
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The awful roommate who inspired you to move.
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The cruel parent who reminds you to be kind.
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A miserable boss who teaches you how not to lead.
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It s all material.
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When people think about a mindset of abundance, this is what they mean.
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They mean feeling and acting richer.
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Not just in terms of money, but in terms of people, ideas, support, and energy.
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Because you know that those resources are there.
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Out of sight, out of mind applies as much to our inner lives as our outer lives.
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We can t make the most of what we have unless we know that those resources are there.
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unless we are grateful that they re there.
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Speaking of resources, I hope you check out the latest podcast here at the Art of Charm.
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We ve been churning out some really good stuff lately, even if I do say so myself.
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I d be very grateful if you d have a listen and let me know what you think.
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I m Jordan at theartofcharm.com, and I also want to hear from you.
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Tell me about your gratitude practice, how it s helped, where you might be coming up short, and we can keep the conversation going.
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Thanks for listening, and thanks for sharing.
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Now, here s producer Jason with a recap of the shows from last week.
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In case you missed it on Tuesday last week, we talked to Penn Jillette, the speaking half of the legendary magic group Penn and Teller.
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We talked about performing, life, and how he lost a hundred pounds.
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It was quite a magical episode, and if you missed it, you re definitely going to want to go back and give it a go.
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And on Thursday, we released a brand spanking new AOC Toolbox episode on one of our most asked about topics, how to give the perfect elevator pitch.
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Jordan, Johnny and AJ go deep on this one.
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So if you re always tongue tied when asked the dreaded, so what do you do question, then this episode is for you.
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You can get more from AOC at theartofcharm.com.
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For information on our live residential boot camps that we run every single week in LA, head over to bootcamp.theartofcharm.com.
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If you want to really dig into this stuff and work on your skills with us as your coaches, there s no better place to start.
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That s bootcamp.theartofcharm.com.
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Have a great week.
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Hey, Art of Charm listeners, I m excited to share a new podcast I ve been absolutely binging.
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Winning is an everyday mindset, and Craig Robinson and John Calipari are here to help.
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On Ways to Win podcast, Craig and Coach Cal use their on-court wisdom to solve your off-court problems.
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Whether it s trouble at home or a workplace dilemma, the coaches will help you find a winning formula for success.
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You ll hear from prominent athletes, business leaders, and celebrities who reveal insights that made them into the leaders they are today.
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And don t miss President Obama sharing how he deals with pressure by projecting confidence, believing in your team, and taking criticism.
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Listen to Ways to Win wherever you get your podcasts.
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