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Today I m going to be speaking with Ricky Kalman, a hypnotist.
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My curiosity around hypnosis has been growing recently because I ve been going through this journey trying to quit nicotine and it s been far more challenging than I ever could have anticipated.
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And I ve been exploring every option to help me quit.
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And one of the options I read about online was hypnosis.
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It s been life changing for many people and
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I just want to understand how and why it works.
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And honestly, what it even is in the first place.
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Like what really is it?
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Ricky is a hypnotist, but more than anything, he s a mindset expert.
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He speaks on how our mindset can be the greatest tool in achievement, reducing stress, increasing productivity and potential.
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He s worked with Fortune 500 companies, sales teams, executives, and sports teams.
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His book is called Leverage Your Mindset, Overcome Limiting Beliefs, and Apply Your Life, Be Less Stressed, Happier, and More Mindful.
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So I present to you Ricky Kalman, hypnotist, mindset expert.
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I can t wait.
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Let s start with the first time you were exposed to the concept of hypnosis.
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If you know me from my early part of my career, most people did know that I did magic as a kid.
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I was a kid magician.
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I saw a hypnotist.
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I was completely blown away.
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I didn t know what I was watching.
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And I also thought, this has to be rigged.
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Come on, there s gotta be a trick to this.
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There s gotta be some secret to this.
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We became good friends.
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He literally pulled me aside.
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This was not my intention.
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He said, I want to teach you how to do this.
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And I said, why?
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I mean, I literally go, why?
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And he literally came out and said, because I really feel like you ll do something with this more than anybody else did.
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And I was 15 at the time.
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And for several years, I just studied what it was to really understand what s really happening.
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And once I understood it, I was like, well, this is opposite of what most people think.
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Because even when I say I m a hypnotist to somebody, what do you think the first thing is they say?
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I mean, I think a lot of people think that s a scammer.
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Scammer, you re going to put me under, don t want to look in my eyes, afraid to even talk to me, all that stuff.
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I mean, even today on an airplane, I mean, if I tell anybody, it s like, oh, here we go.
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Yeah.
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It has nothing to do with that.
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It has nothing to do with being in a trance or being controlled by somebody.
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So back when I was very young, I said, well, why don t I create a show that s the opposite of what people think?
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It s the opposite of the swinging watch.
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And at the same time, make it highly entertaining, energetic, fun.
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But can I show people how to do this?
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Can I show people that really there s a secret here, but the secret s within ourselves?
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And here I am today, and I kind of amorph
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into not only doing the show, but really now teaching people how to do it from studying better, reducing stress, becoming a better version of ourselves.
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It was, it was really important to me to not only have fun, but show people what this is.
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Well, I guess my next question has to be, what is it?
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Because I don t know.
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Like, what is hypnosis?
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Let s start from scratch.
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Okay.
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Driving here today.
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You drive by yourself?
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Did you drive?
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Yep, I drove.
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All right.
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Kind of daydreamed a little bit.
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For sure.
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You wandered off, you knew where you were going, you d been here before, you kind of knew where to exit, everything else.
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So you were kind of like in this highway hypnosis, right?
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Yep.
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You ever driven 10, 20 miles and all of a sudden you just blink, you couldn t remember how far you just got there?
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Totally.
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But you were still protecting yourself.
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Yeah.
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Call to action comes in.
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If your safety or security was in danger, what would you do?
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You d snap out of it, whatever you were drifting off to.
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Yep.
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Let me go one step farther.
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You re in your car, you re at home, you re doing something and your jam comes on, your song, but nobody else is around.
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What do you do?
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You just start jamming out, right?
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You lose yourself in the song.
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And if you know the words, and even if you can t even carry a tune, you are literally into the moment.
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When you hear your song and you re by yourself and you don t know who s looking,
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There s no fear, there s no doubt, there s no preconceived judgment.
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Nobody s judging you.
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No.
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So when you re hypnotized, all that doubt s kind of put off the side.
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It s in the room.
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It s going to protect you.
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It s kind of like there.
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But you re so hyper-focused on being in the now.
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Interesting.
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So I help people get rid of that feeling of, you know, fear of doubt or whatever it is.
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It s something that kind of enters the room.
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that kind of controls your world, and be so hyper-focused on what the task is.
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So I guess in the best thought process, to me, a state of hypnosis is not being asleep, being unconscious, or being in a trance.
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Although, when you see somebody hypnotized, setting them up in a situation, they might look slumped over like a rag doll.
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Yeah.
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But they re there.
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They re there.
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They re there, yeah.
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You know, I can t walk up to somebody and go sleep, you know?
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Yeah, yeah.
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It s kind of like this really great feeling of,
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relaxation, clarity, and you feel like you got this jolt of energy at the same time.
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How do you think it works?
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Like when it comes to sort of changing somebody s mindset completely, because so many people have had such powerful experiences with it, where they re able to like go against odds in statistics to quit something or
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changed their mindset, they ve been able to fully transform their lives through this mysterious act.
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How does that work?
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Think about the minute you get up in the morning as you talk to yourself.
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Do you think that as you internally speak to yourself, it sets your day?
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For sure.
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So if you think and visualize somebody that s being hypnotized, aren t they being set up in reality by a suggestion?
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Okay.
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So you re with me so far.
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So if every word that we say to ourself internally, like our self-talk, we look in the mirror, we get dressed, we figure out if this looks good on us, whatever, you know, we do it.
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Everybody, I don t care.
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Again, I ll say we all have that self-talk.
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It can be our best friend or our enemy.
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Yeah, exactly.
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So, but at the same time, we talk about the enemy like it s somebody else in the room.
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Oh, my mind got the best of me.
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Yeah.
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Whose mind are you talking about?
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Yeah, it s yours.
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Yeah.
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That s very true.
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Realize that your internal voice can be your best friend or your worst enemy.
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Totally.
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So if those words you say to yourself are that powerful, aren t you kind of hypnotizing yourself daily?
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Totally.
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All right, let s go back.
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Let s go even go deeper then with that question or that statement.
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Then who is the most powerful hypnotist in the world?
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I guess it s you.
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Yeah, ourselves.
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Everybody has a moment in life.
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Everybody has a moment during the day or a week where they re kind of misguided, misthought.
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Maybe a thought comes in the room and it kind of holds them back.
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But I think it s important to step back and reset sometimes and realize that that power that we re talking about this, and that s a powerful thing, because you asked me, where does it come from?
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It s us.
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It s individually us.
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This is the way I m thinking of it, but I could be totally wrong.
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Hypnotizing somebody is putting them in a state where their voices are quiet.
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So then you can then come in and you can put your voice in and you can and then their voices repeat it later.
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Is that it?
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I m hiring you.
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That s the greatest way of putting it.
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Because honestly, that s, then you get it.
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I m the kind of the catalyst here.
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But you said something that s so important because people need to get this.
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If you look at hypnosis or a hypnotist to make you do something, you will be looking forever.
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So if I have a subject that s really willing to experience, whether it s a show or self-care, understand I m not going to make you do something.
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I m going to help you get in the relaxed state.
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I m going to repeat what you just said.
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I m going to give you the suggestions, and then it s your job to what resonates with you to engrave it.
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So we all live by our phones, right?
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I mean, they re the coolest thing ever.
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We live by them.
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They re probably not three feet from us on a regular basis, right?
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Mine s under my butt right now.
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I m sitting on it.
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Okay, there you go.
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All right.
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So we take full advantage to update the software that makes those things run.
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A phone is basically a hard drive.
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Without the software, it doesn t work.
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Our brain s the same way.
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Totally.
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Our brain is this massive hard drive, but the difference between our brain and the phone, the phone is limited on its space.
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Your brain s not.
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If we update the phones to work better, why aren t we updating the most powerful hard drive in the world?
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And that s up here because the brain basically works on the last message you send it.
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Oh, it s gonna be a bad day.
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Well, guess what?
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Something bad happens.
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You pretty much say, see, I told you so.
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Yep.
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But I really do believe that when we kind of connect with our own internal thoughts and we realize before we say something how powerful it is.
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Yeah.
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We hypnotize ourselves and then we realize it s my job to update my software right now.
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It s interesting because I think about myself.
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and this could be a personality type thing or not, I m not sure, but I get stubborn about updating my software.
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You know what I m saying?
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Like in my brain.
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You re not alone.
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So like, for example, I think a lot of people know, whether we call it hypnosis or not, that the way that we talk to ourselves, the way that we speak out into the world, it s not nothing.
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You know, it s powerful.
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But there s, it s so bizarre because I think so many people have like this
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mental block about fixing that.
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Like, I feel like people are very in denial of that truth.
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And I don t know, have you seen that?
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Going back to what you said about where we don t update our software, we don t guide ourselves because we get comfortable.
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Sometimes we fear change.
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We fear change because
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we think, well, if this changes, it might cause pain.
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Nobody gets in line for pain, right?
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But we get in line for something we want.
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We ll stand in line for 20 minutes for whatever it may be.
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An ice cream sandwich?
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Exactly.
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I almost said that.
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And yet, at the same time, we will play out, well, why start if we re going to possibly fail?
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And we don t look at sometimes as change as an opportunity to grow.
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I think when we step back and we realize we are all
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students of life.
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The people you admire, the people you think are successful, they all have something in common.
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Totally.
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They probably have something in common with the way they think and their mindset.
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And the idea of people that are successful, not everybody is successful the first time.
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No.
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So you just got to show up for yourself.
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And you said something just a few moments ago about how powerful our words are.
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Yeah.
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I say this to myself every single day.
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Words are magic to the receptive listener.
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And that s me or somebody else.
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I ve never thought of hypnosis as something that you can do to yourself.
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All hypnosis is self-hypnosis.
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All of it.
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I will fight any hypnotist that says that they have the power.
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to put somebody under.
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I mean, seriously, I think I almost laugh at the theatrical kind of magical, mystical swinging watch, the cape and all that.
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I m like, seriously?
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When I started, I m like, I m going to do the complete opposite.
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We re going to dispel the fact that I have the power to put you under.
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I always tell people, you have the remote control.
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I mean, literally, you can either turn it up, turn it down, put me on mute, put yourself on mute, change the channel.
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It s totally up to you.
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What s the difference between, like meditation keeps coming to mind, right?
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So glad you re going there.
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Okay, great.
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This is awesome.
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What would you say the difference is between hypnosis and meditation?
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Okay, here we go.
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You set it up.
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Meditation, get present.
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Get tranquil, get calm, get aware, whatever it might be.
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Just get really in tune with yourself and awareness.
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But then when you think about meditation, when somebody goes, well, I meditated to visualize my future, I meditated to visualize my relationship, I meditated to, you know, to appreciate, to have happiness and gratitude.
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Well, wait a minute.
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If you re doing that, isn t that kind of self-hypnosis?
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So very overlapping principles and titles.
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So at times, I ll actually say I m going to put you maybe in a meditated state.
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It depends on who I m talking to and what I m addressing, because at the end of the day, my success is based on your success.
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So this isn t about me.
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I mean, it s like inner power.
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Yeah.
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How many times, do you watch sports at all?
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No.
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Okay, but even if you- The Olympics, yes, gymnastics.
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Okay, all right, so perfect example.
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Yes.
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Okay, so when an Olympic athlete is being interviewed after they just won whatever it is, think about what they might say if they were being interviewed.
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And if you can imagine somebody being interviewed, I bet you they give credit to their belief of their ability.
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Totally.
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They usually talk about their belief in what they were gonna do.
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Yeah.
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The celebrities, the musicians, the actors, the actresses that have come from nothing and built up this huge career.
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Usually they go, I just, I just believe in myself.
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I want to thank all the people around me.
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And we just really had this vision.
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Then they give credit to their talent.
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You know, the hard work, right?
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Totally.
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So if you listen, look, listen to a gymnast or whoever it might be.
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They ll give credit second to the hard work and the pain and the ankles and the ice packs, but they give credit to their mind first.
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So think about anything that you think you re really good at and a winning feeling.
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Would you give belief to that winning feeling based on your belief that you could do it first?
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Honestly, yeah.
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Okay.
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Yeah.
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But it still took hard work.
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It still, it still was, you know, a lot of determination, a lot of resilience, but you gave belief to what you were going to do.
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It s almost like, it s because it s the hardest thing to keep in place.
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Like your hope.
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But is it?
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Well, I guess, see, that s also, you re so right.
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Like we convince ourselves that it s, it s a mind game.
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No, no, no.
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Don t stop there.
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You hit a really strong point because I m sure there are people right now that are listening to this going,
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I know what she means because we do this.
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We, we put up this block.
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Well, I can t, I don t know if I m good enough.
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Why try?
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I don t think it s possible.
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We ve all said, I don t think it s possible at some part of our life.
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So why don t we do that?
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Well, maybe is it a defense mechanism?
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Cause we don t want to feel failure.
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That s always what happens.
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I always use that as a defense mechanism.
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I mean, so
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But if we acknowledge it, because it s going to walk in the room.
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I mean, it has the key to get in the door.
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Oh, yeah.
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So when that fear comes into play or that defense mechanism that says, maybe, hey, maybe you should try this, because if you fail, people are going to look at you and they re going to judge you.
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And all of a sudden, well, wait a minute, you re human.
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Let them sit in the corner.
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Give them a time out.
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Time out.
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Yeah, exactly.
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It s like one of those things that s so much easier said than done.
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And I think that that s why, you know,
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people come to you and they re like, I need to start.
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I need help getting started.
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I m curious what people come to you for.
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Because I can think of a million different things that I need to be hypnotized for.
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By the way, a million different things.
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And we ll talk about that later.
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But what do you find
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you can help the most with when it comes to starting people on that journey?
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I think self-awareness is first.
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Interesting.
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I think when it comes down to it, you start to realize, I think this is one of the things I talk about in everything I do, the greatest investment you ll ever make in your life.
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All your material things, the expense of whatever it may be, and we do it, we covet our expensive stuff, we save our money for whatever it may be,
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We protect it, we hold on to it, but it can be replaced.
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It might have sentimental value, whatever it may be, even if you saved up and you finally bought whatever it might ve been, it still can be replaced.
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But we do forget to put ourselves first.
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And so I think that starts with getting people to really become very aware of self-care.
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And I say self-care rather than say self-help.
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Self-help sounds like there s a problem.
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I m helping.
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No, no, self-care.
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Yeah, because we all have our issues.
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I ll use myself as an example.
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I recently was like, I m quitting nicotine.
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It has been so terrible.
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And that s actually what sparked my interest in hypnosis, because this shit is hard.
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And I just didn t even anticipate it being that hard.
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But see, I know exactly what you re going to say.
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It doesn t have to be hard.
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It doesn t.
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You know, it s so funny.
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I was at a party recently and I was talking to this kid about quitting nicotine and he got really into meditation.
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So it s just sort of a similar concept, but under a different lens, you know, an umbrella, a different umbrella.
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But he was talking about how it was so easy for him to quit nicotine when he started meditating.
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And I was like,
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Listen, I was like, he just has something I don t.
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You know, it s all this self-talk.
1
SPEAKER_01
Because we assume it s because we look for the quick fix.
1
SPEAKER_01
We look for the magic, whatever it may be.
1
SPEAKER_01
And it can t be that easy.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yep.
1
SPEAKER_01
Listen, nothing in life is easy.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
But the more you do something, we get really good at it.
1
SPEAKER_00
Let s say I were to come to you and say, OK, I want to quit nicotine.
1
SPEAKER_00
What would you do?
1
SPEAKER_00
Does the work
1
SPEAKER_00
continue outside of the office?
1
SPEAKER_00
Do you think that you can hypnotize somebody and they walk out that day and it s done?
1
SPEAKER_00
Or does the work have to continue in a way?
1
SPEAKER_01
If you think you re going to go to any hypnotist in the world and they re going to snap their fingers and you re going to walk out of one session, you might have success.
1
SPEAKER_01
I have shown people literally one time, cigarettes are the worst tasting thing they ve ever experienced.
1
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
1
SPEAKER_01
Literally.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_01
And yet life is unpredictable.
1
SPEAKER_01
So how do you kind of like guide yourself?
1
SPEAKER_01
you create habits of understanding how to do it yourselves.
1
SPEAKER_01
My goal is, is that even when I, if I do work with somebody one-on-one, I ve worked with athletes and individuals
2
SPEAKER_00
but I want to teach them enough skills, whether it s one, two, three, or even a whole month of coaching, that you don t rely on me.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay, I ll give you a perfect example.
2
SPEAKER_00
Emma, I want you to visualize, just work with me for a second, we re gonna role play for a second, have a little fun.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m ready, I m so ready.
2
SPEAKER_00
All right, I want you to visualize licking the bottom of an ashtray.
2
SPEAKER_00
Would you have a cigarette right now?
2
SPEAKER_03
I only ever used a vape.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_03
So used a vape example.
2
SPEAKER_00
All right.
2
SPEAKER_00
So what if, what if, I m going to be visual for a second.
2
SPEAKER_00
What if you dropped your vape in dirt, sand, grit, spoiled food, right?
2
SPEAKER_00
Something gross.
2
SPEAKER_00
What if you dropped it in something really disgusting?
2
SPEAKER_00
Would you put that vape in your mouth?
2
SPEAKER_04
Fuck no.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_00
So right now I m asking you.
2
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
If I, if I took your vape pen and just dropped it in, in muck water or just gross, if I, if I, perfect.
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, this is, I m going to get graphic here.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I took your vape and dropped in toilet and came back out and said here.
2
SPEAKER_02
I ve dropped my vape in the toilet and I had to throw it out.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_00
You wouldn t put it in your mouth, right?
2
SPEAKER_02
No.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s a visualization.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
So, and I ll tell you why this works so well.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s like, if you, if an athlete stands there right before the pitch, the, you know, the, you know, the big game and they just visualize success, they visualize determination.
2
SPEAKER_00
Uh, they visualize grit, you know, game on fierce feelings.
2
SPEAKER_00
They re probably going to go out and play a great game.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yep.
2
SPEAKER_00
Or if they stand, they go.
2
SPEAKER_00
That opponent s really hard.
2
SPEAKER_00
They re going to be tough to beat.
2
SPEAKER_00
What are the, they ve just given themselves two rows, the destination success and failure.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yep.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I use visualizations a lot with people in that relaxed state.
2
SPEAKER_00
So right now you re hypnotized.
2
SPEAKER_00
Your eyes aren t even closed.
2
SPEAKER_00
Do you want a vape pen right now up against, you know, your lips, if it was just dropped in the toilet?
2
SPEAKER_03
I, yeah, I don t need it right now.
2
SPEAKER_03
I m not interested in that right now.
2
SPEAKER_00
My job is then to show you how to engrave that.
2
SPEAKER_00
So if that desire comes in the room, guess what comes in stronger, the visualization.
2
SPEAKER_03
Everyone has hypnosis all wrong.
2
SPEAKER_03
Everyone is judging this concept beyond belief.
2
SPEAKER_03
Totally agree.
2
SPEAKER_03
I think hypnosis is just mindfulness at the end of the day, but it s guided and controlled with a goal in mind.
2
SPEAKER_00
You just said it, guided and controlled.
2
SPEAKER_00
So if I ask you to close your eyes right now, I m not gonna do it, but if I ask you to close your eyes, I m gonna help you relax really, really well.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m gonna help you get really, really comfortable.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m gonna help you just completely de-stress.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s where everything starts.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s like the secret ingredient to baking a cake right now.
2
SPEAKER_00
And at that state where you stop thinking about your to-dos, your tasks, emails you have to do later on, who you re supposed to meet tonight, whatever, you don t think about those things.
2
SPEAKER_00
And we just focus on that visualization of you dropping that vape pen in toilet water.
2
SPEAKER_03
Oh, thank God.
2
SPEAKER_00
And it becomes such a strong conversation that s repeated over and over.
2
SPEAKER_00
So again, going back to what you said, I think that there s a lot of misconceptions, predetermined thoughts based on
2
SPEAKER_00
what hypnosis really is.
2
SPEAKER_00
And to me, it s just a guided meditation.
2
SPEAKER_03
Now I m excited because I m not afraid of it.
2
SPEAKER_03
I think I ve always been so afraid of the idea of hypnosis because I m a very anxious, paranoid sort of person.
2
SPEAKER_03
I have a tendency to, if I feel out of control, I panic.
2
SPEAKER_03
And so to me, the idea of hypnosis, I m like, I feel like I m gonna be out of control.
2
SPEAKER_00
You re absolutely right.
2
SPEAKER_00
There are a lot of people who say, well, I would never be hypnotized because I don t want to feel out of control.
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, to be honest with you, you have more control than you think.
2
SPEAKER_03
Well, I honestly think in a lot of ways, you know, based on what I m hearing so far, like hypnosis can give you more control if you are using it, if you understand it and you use it
2
SPEAKER_03
within yourself, like you now have more control.
2
SPEAKER_00
Absolutely.
2
SPEAKER_00
You know, there are so many things that we cannot control in the world.
2
SPEAKER_00
We can t control somebody else s opinion.
2
SPEAKER_00
We can t control what we hear, but we can control how we perceive and react in our own reality.
2
SPEAKER_00
We have control over how somebody else s words are going to affect us, or do we believe in what we can do based on our own internal voice?
2
SPEAKER_00
Think about what you want to do as you grow your brand and who you are.
2
SPEAKER_00
You don t have to share that, but you have internal beliefs.
2
SPEAKER_00
Those internal beliefs are fed and fueled by you.
2
SPEAKER_00
And the more and more you focus on that, even when something doesn t go your way and it s not going to all the time, how do you make sure that you are always in control over your destiny and you are?
2
SPEAKER_03
What do you believe is the best way
2
SPEAKER_03
to keep the software in your brain at the most optimal point as often as possible.
2
SPEAKER_03
Like how, how do you recommend up keeping your brain software?
2
SPEAKER_00
All right.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I m going to, I m going to go back to it again, because this is my philosophy.
2
SPEAKER_00
If you just spend five or 10 minutes a day, five or 10 minutes a day to kind of reset, and you can do it multiple times.
2
SPEAKER_00
You can do it in the morning, afternoon, you know, after a big, whatever it may be a big accomplishment every day,
2
SPEAKER_00
we should be setting time.
2
SPEAKER_00
In fact, I m gonna give everybody a task.
2
SPEAKER_00
If you re listening right now, I m gonna give you a takeaway.
2
SPEAKER_00
And don t dismiss the simplicity of this.
2
SPEAKER_00
Use your phone on a regular basis.
2
SPEAKER_00
Do you set reminders on your phone?
2
SPEAKER_01
All the time.
2
SPEAKER_00
Right, so there s calendar of reminders, and you re sharing an alert with somebody, somebody sends you an invite, you have to do this at this time or meet them somewhere.
2
SPEAKER_00
We rely on that message.
2
SPEAKER_00
We hold ourselves, our name to it, we show up.
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, you don t just go, I m not gonna show up and not call that person.
2
SPEAKER_00
No, we made a contract, we made a promise.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay, my point s made.
2
SPEAKER_00
How often do you set a reminder on your own phone for yourself to stop reset?
2
SPEAKER_04
Never.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_00
Today s the day.
2
SPEAKER_04
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
When this, when we re done recording, I m going to watch you do it.
2
SPEAKER_04
I can t wait.
2
SPEAKER_00
I want to see you put a reminder every day and repeat it every single day and you can move it.
2
SPEAKER_00
Might not be in the afternoon.
2
SPEAKER_00
Might be, it might be in the morning.
2
SPEAKER_00
Might be before you go to bed at night, but what if every day you spent five or 10 minutes just focusing on some new software, maybe being a little appreciative towards the things you had experienced that day, maybe just kind of resetting your, your thoughts.
2
SPEAKER_00
You know, sometimes in life we look for the big, huge thing that s gonna happen to make us happy.
2
SPEAKER_00
And we don t celebrate the small little things we do.
2
SPEAKER_00
So I think it s important to, what s my win for the day?
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_03
Do you think hypnosis is targeting the conscious mind or the subconscious mind?
2
SPEAKER_00
Wow, there s an overlap there.
2
SPEAKER_03
Or both, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
No, I think there s an overlap of what s unconsciously happening because in essence,
2
SPEAKER_00
Let me ask you a question.
2
SPEAKER_00
How unaware are we or do we think we are of being unaware?
2
SPEAKER_03
I think most people are very unaware, myself included at times.
2
SPEAKER_00
It could be anything from the things we say to the way we respond to things.
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I ll give you an example.
2
SPEAKER_00
Let s say I asked you to go to dinner and I mentioned the name of a restaurant.
2
SPEAKER_00
And let s say three years ago you went there and it was horrible, worst experience ever.
2
SPEAKER_00
So when I mentioned the name of the restaurant, what happens?
2
SPEAKER_03
I mean, guttural.
2
SPEAKER_03
No, right.
2
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
You ve not your subconscious pulled out of your memory bank, that software through that memory forward so fast because that s what it does.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I responded and said, no way I m not going with you.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m not going there.
2
SPEAKER_00
You didn t even ask me, well, why do you want to go there?
2
SPEAKER_00
Is there something I don t know?
2
SPEAKER_00
Maybe they ve changed chefs.
2
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
Maybe it s different owner, new owner.
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, but we ve all done.
2
SPEAKER_00
I ve actually said it.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m not going back to that place ever again, but sometimes we have to hit the pause button again.
2
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I m just, you know, I m having this conversation with myself, like going, okay, don t be so closed minded.
2
SPEAKER_00
Don t be so fearful.
2
SPEAKER_00
It can get out of control though.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m not telling somebody to be so self, you know, critical of their thoughts because we don t want to do that.
2
SPEAKER_00
We don t want to get to a point where we re like judging now everything, we re questioning everything.
2
SPEAKER_00
What am I saying the right?
2
SPEAKER_00
No, I just want you to just kind of like,
2
SPEAKER_00
You want to create this software that s constantly evolving and growing because everything about you, Emma, your personality, your likes, your dislikes, your feelings, your emotions, your arguments, your resolutions, your commitments, your gratitude.
2
SPEAKER_00
Think about it.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s probably played out in your head on a regular basis all the time before it even happens.
2
SPEAKER_04
It s so true.
2
SPEAKER_00
Before you re given an opportunity to something, what does our mind do?
2
SPEAKER_00
It starts to run through our head.
2
SPEAKER_00
What would this be like?
2
SPEAKER_00
Is this possible?
2
SPEAKER_00
Can I do this?
2
SPEAKER_00
Am I worthy?
2
SPEAKER_00
And what wins is the self-belief.
2
SPEAKER_03
It s one thing to tell yourself that you believe in yourself.
2
SPEAKER_03
It s one thing to say that you re grateful for something.
2
SPEAKER_03
It s one thing to say you believe this will come true.
2
SPEAKER_03
But what I ve noticed in my own life is that the only time that that truly works, that sort of manifesting truly works
2
SPEAKER_03
is when I believe it in my gut.
2
SPEAKER_03
Do you think that if you say something to yourself enough, it becomes true?
2
SPEAKER_03
Or do you think that there s something else that needs fixing in that situation?
2
SPEAKER_00
Our old limiting beliefs will either take us to a place of failure or doubt, or we have an opportunity to grow.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m going to ask you a question.
3
SPEAKER_00
We ve been sitting here for a while.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m going to ask you a question and I want you to come up with the first answer without even thinking about it.
3
SPEAKER_00
Are you going to quit nicotine?
3
SPEAKER_01
It was not obvious for me.
3
SPEAKER_01
I almost said no.
3
SPEAKER_01
I literally was about to be like, no, because I don t want to.
3
SPEAKER_00
So there you have it.
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh, it sucks.
3
SPEAKER_00
But, but.
3
SPEAKER_00
But yes, I will.
3
SPEAKER_00
But now, OK, so now let s because everybody, I m sure there are people right now that can really understand your hesitation.
3
SPEAKER_00
So that was genuinely real.
3
SPEAKER_00
So the more we work on ourselves, the more we start to realize what we re capable of doing.
3
SPEAKER_00
I know deep down, just from our conversations, you re going to you re going to stop nicotine.
3
SPEAKER_01
I know I will.
3
SPEAKER_00
I know.
3
SPEAKER_00
I know.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
3
SPEAKER_00
But that pause in there, that that little pause.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s what I m there to do, is help you with that.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s figuring out why there s that hesitation.
3
SPEAKER_00
Right.
3
SPEAKER_00
Is to help you with that internal talk.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then you figure out, if you really do understand this, you re going to go, I want more.
3
SPEAKER_00
Totally.
3
SPEAKER_00
Let s go.
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, it s already like melting my brain out of my ears and then reformulating it in a whole new way.
3
SPEAKER_00
But again, it goes back to, it s like, you just have these conversations, you figure out what direction you want to go.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
And you kind of touched on it.
3
SPEAKER_00
Does that self-talk really have that much power?
3
SPEAKER_00
And the answer is you ve already teed it up perfectly.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
3
100%.
3
SPEAKER_01
To zoom in on limiting beliefs, do we have to have some or do you think we don t need them at all?
3
SPEAKER_01
Is it unsafe?
3
SPEAKER_01
To have no limiting beliefs.
3
SPEAKER_00
I think that they re going to be there, and that s part of life.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s just how to navigate when something throws you a curveball.
3
SPEAKER_00
When something is a storm, how do you rise above the storm?
3
SPEAKER_00
I m not trying to be cliche here, but how do you rise above everything else going on in life and find the good of what just happened?
3
SPEAKER_00
How do you fuel the fire?
3
SPEAKER_00
How do you show the force of nature who you are?
3
SPEAKER_00
I mean, you know, even if it s just something is that you think is so small, could be huge in the back of your thought process.
3
SPEAKER_01
What I ve noticed with myself is I m the least in touch with.
3
SPEAKER_01
me when I m drowning myself in entertainment.
3
SPEAKER_01
But I ve noticed that that s something I do as a coping mechanism.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like, when I don t want to software update my brain because that sounds like too much work, and when I don t want to address all of these changes that I know I need to make, I drown myself in entertainment.
3
SPEAKER_00
Sure.
3
SPEAKER_00
Do you binge watch?
3
SPEAKER_01
I, for me, it s like, it s scrolling on Instagram, it s going on Pinterest, it s online shopping, it s watching YouTube videos that aren t educational, because I do love watching like an educational thing on YouTube, but I m definitely not doing that when I m trying to drown.
3
SPEAKER_01
Like I m not, it s all, it s only things that are just, it s junk, you know what I mean?
3
SPEAKER_01
It s junk for the brain, it s not helpful, it s not teaching me anything, it s, you know, it s that.
3
SPEAKER_01
I feel like we re in such an overstimulating time that it s harder than ever to properly hypnotize yourself, properly meditate.
3
SPEAKER_01
Okay, but see, I know you re gonna say it anyway.
3
SPEAKER_01
You re gonna be like, it s not, it isn t hard.
3
SPEAKER_01
It doesn t have to be hard.
3
SPEAKER_00
Go back to your- That s a limited belief.
3
SPEAKER_00
What are we gonna do after this?
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh my God.
3
SPEAKER_00
What are we gonna do when we re done recording?
3
SPEAKER_00
You re gonna do, where s your phone?
3
SPEAKER_00
We re gonna make an appointment.
3
SPEAKER_00
Make an appointment.
3
SPEAKER_00
And you can change the time, because you re in control.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yep.
3
SPEAKER_00
You set it.
3
SPEAKER_00
But think about if you just sat for 5 minutes.
3
SPEAKER_00
If we made an appointment for 5 minutes on your phone, and that alarm goes off, you know that s what you should be doing.
3
SPEAKER_00
And when you do that, then everything else just kind of is put off to the side and you focus on you.
3
SPEAKER_00
And whatever the task at hand is afterwards, whether it s calling somebody important, having a relationship with somebody, prepping for the next project, whatever you have, watch how easy it is everything else after that.
3
SPEAKER_00
Watch how more focused you are on whatever you re going to do after that 5 minutes.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s interesting because I ve gone through phases where I ve been so dedicated to taking those five, 10 minutes and it s never lasted longer than like a few months.
3
SPEAKER_01
What s so interesting is I know how helpful it is and I know how beneficial it is, but yet I get lazy and I m like.
3
SPEAKER_00
You want it to be automatic.
3
SPEAKER_00
You want that to be an auto thought.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
That like driving our car.
3
SPEAKER_00
Let s go back to the beginning of this interview.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I said to you, driving your car becomes an automatic response called highway hypnosis.
3
SPEAKER_00
First time you ever got behind a wheel, you re probably nervous.
3
SPEAKER_00
Nobody can talk.
3
SPEAKER_00
Don t turn the radio.
3
SPEAKER_00
Don t talk to me.
3
SPEAKER_00
Don t distract.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
The second day you re like a pro.
3
SPEAKER_00
Right.
3
SPEAKER_00
So same thing.
3
SPEAKER_00
You start to repeat something over and over again and maybe it won t disappear.
3
SPEAKER_00
Maybe it becomes part of who you are, your personality.
3
SPEAKER_00
Everything you do on a regular basis is repeated.
3
SPEAKER_00
You got really good at that.
3
SPEAKER_00
And you either get really good at the bad habits, or you get really good at the good habits.
3
SPEAKER_01
At the good habits, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Because how often do you hear somebody saying, I have a habit of not vaping?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Do you ever hear somebody say that?
3
SPEAKER_00
No, you hear, I have a habit of vaping.
3
SPEAKER_00
We give it power.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yep.
3
SPEAKER_01
When it comes to, you know, the good habits,
3
SPEAKER_01
It sounds like to me, the best path to take towards establishing those good habits is to remove the limiting beliefs telling you that establishing those good habits is going to be challenging or impossible, and then just doing it.
3
SPEAKER_01
And that s it.
3
SPEAKER_01
When it comes to bad habits, what s that, what s that process?
3
SPEAKER_00
So you have a bad habit.
3
SPEAKER_00
If you stop the bad habit, what have you replaced it with?
3
SPEAKER_00
You know, sometimes people say they don t want to stop, you know, smoking or using nicotine or vaping is because they re fearful that they re going to start eating.
3
SPEAKER_00
Right.
3
SPEAKER_00
They take one vice and replace it with another one because it s a satisfying thing.
3
SPEAKER_00
They use food as a comfort.
3
SPEAKER_00
Is vaping a comfort to you?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Now, so let me ask you, I m not going to use you in the example here, but I m going to use somebody else.
3
SPEAKER_00
If I ask somebody about smoking or vaping,
3
SPEAKER_00
I would usually ask them, where do you do this?
3
SPEAKER_00
Do you take a break?
3
SPEAKER_00
Do you do it in your home?
3
SPEAKER_00
Do you do it in your car?
3
SPEAKER_00
Do you walk away from everybody else and you walk outside just to have some personal me time?
3
SPEAKER_00
And so then you go a little deeper with that conversation.
3
SPEAKER_00
So are you using the vaping as an excuse to get away from your reality to calm yourself down?
3
SPEAKER_00
And that inhale of oxygen, which our brain craves, our body craves, because oxygen is a source of life, source of everything.
3
SPEAKER_00
We need it.
3
SPEAKER_00
Exactly.
3
SPEAKER_00
Can t live without it.
3
SPEAKER_00
So are we really craving a little more oxygen to calm ourselves, to reduce stress?
3
SPEAKER_00
Is it really the vaping or the nicotine that s reducing the stress?
3
SPEAKER_00
Or is it the timeout?
3
SPEAKER_00
Is it the personal awareness?
3
SPEAKER_00
Is it a distraction from whatever, you know, it might be.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then when you do quit using that as the excuse, what are you replacing it with?
3
SPEAKER_00
And usually somebody will say, well, I don t, I usually, you know, food is usually my other comfort.
3
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Well, maybe it s just breathing.
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Everybody s different.
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But are you craving the vapor?
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Are you craving more oxygen?
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Are you craving time out?
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Are you craving relaxation?
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Does it relax you?
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You know what it is for me?
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It s the, I ve always had an oral fixation, like since I was a kid, sucked my thumb, my whole childhood till nine years old, quit that.
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very challenging.
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At like 15, I start vaping and it replaces that oral fixation because I m a very anxious girl.
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We look at quitting a bad habit as like a loss almost in a weird way.
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You know, like I think from my perspective, I ve almost felt a sense of loss when I decided I was going to like stop vaping.
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Because you re probably playing out something that hasn t even happened yet in the back of your mind.
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But I feel like
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Oh my God, my life, I m going to have, I m going to be missing something.
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Right.
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But I think it s so valuable for somebody who s trying to quit a bad habit to be like, no, I m not, it s not a loss.
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I m replacing that with something else.
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So that replacement is so huge.
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And I didn t even think about that once during my ongoing journey of stopping, um, completely.
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One day.
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SPEAKER_01
Um, soon, soon, one day soon.
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SPEAKER_01
Uh, but we have time.
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SPEAKER_01
We have time.
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I have time.
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But I think that replacement s huge because it s like, it s those moments when you re anxious or like, I ll use me as an example.
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It s the moments when I m anxious and all I want is a vape because I used to just hit the vape.
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Think about what you re, you re asking.
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You re asking for a timeout.
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Well, I m very inspired.
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That s for sure.
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Because I think I ve been enabling myself in a lot of areas to have bad habits, you know, to not be as self-aware as I know I want to be and should be.
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I don t know.
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I ve sort of
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I ve more recently convinced myself that that s too hard.
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And I think it really comes down to being able to spot the lies that you tell yourself is so, it s so powerful.
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But I also think it s one of those things that once you re aware of it, you can t unsee it.
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Do you know how many people right now are listening to this that can
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This resonates with them.
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How many people are sitting listening to this, driving a car, walking with friends, just listening to this conversation going, I understand that.
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I understand that.
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I have a big decision.
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I have to, I have to apply for college.
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I have to make a decision on this and it s going to be hard.
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Or I have to go to work to do a new job I ve never done before.
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It s a limiting belief there.
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It s not just about breaking up bad habits, it s about exploring what s possible.
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But think about how many people right now have an overwhelming task of change and growth.
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They re not alone now.
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I feel like there s nothing else to say.
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SPEAKER_00
Oh, there s more.
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SPEAKER_01
We can go on.
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SPEAKER_00
Actually, to be honest, we need a part two.
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Because we need to do a whole episode about falling in love and how that s hypnosis.
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That s the next episode.
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We re doing that.
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I ll pull you back in one day, because we have to do... I see careers, love.
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life, relationships.
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Yeah, you can, you know, you can help.
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It s never ending.
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No, it s not.
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Thank you for doing this.
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Oh, you re awesome.
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SPEAKER_00
This is not the last time.
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OK, you did.
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You melted my brain in all the best ways.
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Oh, my gosh.
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I love that.