0
SPEAKER_00
Welcome to AOC.
0
SPEAKER_00
I m your host, Jordan Harbinger.
0
SPEAKER_00
I m here with producer Jason DeFilippo.
0
SPEAKER_00
Here at AOC, we don t always have all the answers, but we definitely have all the right questions.
0
SPEAKER_00
Today on Fan Mail Friday, those questions come from you.
0
SPEAKER_00
If you re new to the show, Fan Mail Friday is not the best place to start, in my humble opinion.
0
SPEAKER_00
Most of our content is more in-depth.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s a little bit longer format.
0
SPEAKER_00
We do a lot of interviews with people you might have heard of, know, and love or hate.
0
SPEAKER_00
So check out the best of at theartofcharm.com slash best or the Fundamentals Toolbox at theartofcharm.com slash toolbox.
0
SPEAKER_00
That s where we ve got our fundamentals, like body language, nonverbal communication, attraction, negotiation, networking, influence, persuasion, all that good stuff that we teach here at The Art of Charm.
0
SPEAKER_00
And we ll send all of it to your inbox if you text CHARM, that s C-H-A-R-M-E-D, to 33444 here in the USA, or anywhere else, just go to theartofcharm.com.
0
SPEAKER_00
All right, let s cut to it.
0
SPEAKER_01
Hey, Jordan, first and foremost, thanks for everything.
0
SPEAKER_01
I just finished a 10-month campaign at work for improving my working conditions.
0
SPEAKER_01
I landed a good raise, got a company car, which is a big deal in my company, and generally solidified my position in my workplace.
0
SPEAKER_01
All this by applying the things I ve learned on AOC.
0
SPEAKER_01
I just listened to FMF 80 and had to offer my two cents to Over It, the woman tormented by a senior exec.
0
SPEAKER_01
This situation totally sucks, and it hit a chord as I was in a similar situation with a coworker who tried to undermine me.
0
SPEAKER_01
My situation was different, but nonetheless it ended by him getting fired and me coming out stronger and gaining more status in my department and in the company.
0
SPEAKER_01
Clearly, this woman is dealing with a bully, with whom you cannot reason.
0
SPEAKER_01
Bullies make my fists clench.
0
SPEAKER_01
The only way to deal with a bully is to make it clear to them that their behavior won t work and that you are there to stay.
0
SPEAKER_01
So here are some things which you may consider if you insist on staying.
0
SPEAKER_01
Number one, do a kick-ass job.
0
SPEAKER_01
Excel at your work, focus on doing the best job you can, and bring to your performance the best version of yourself.
0
SPEAKER_01
This is the basics.
0
SPEAKER_01
Trash-talking, unpleasant as it may be, can only go so far.
0
SPEAKER_01
If you are crushing your projects one after the other, eventually you ll get noticed by the higher-ups for your value, and that is what will matter at the end of the day.
0
SPEAKER_01
2.
0
SPEAKER_01
Persistence can overcome a negative dynamic over time.
0
SPEAKER_01
If he realizes that you aren t going anywhere, he may come to the conclusion his attitude isn t working and will just leave you alone.
0
3.
0
SPEAKER_01
Be two steps ahead of the game.
0
SPEAKER_01
Plan ahead, think of all the angles, scenarios and outcomes and prepare for them.
0
SPEAKER_01
Prepare for the worst and be pleasantly surprised when the worst doesn t happen.
0
SPEAKER_01
Do your homework, come prepared to meetings and be ready for those curveballs because they re coming.
0
SPEAKER_01
4.
0
SPEAKER_01
Invest the time and energy to develop good relationships with your colleagues and peers.
0
SPEAKER_01
This is not only good for a healthy and supportive working environment, but also they will be a valuable source of intel on your situation.
0
5.
0
SPEAKER_01
Be attentive.
0
SPEAKER_01
Sometimes being good is not enough.
0
SPEAKER_01
Look for little signs to evaluate your social and professional standing in the workplace.
0
SPEAKER_01
Are you sensing too much silence around you?
0
SPEAKER_01
Are people scattering when you approach?
0
SPEAKER_01
Are you being left out of meetings relating directly to your projects?
0
SPEAKER_01
These are signs that there may be underwater currents you are not aware of but should be privy to.
0
SPEAKER_01
6.
0
SPEAKER_01
Document the good, not just the bad.
0
SPEAKER_01
Thank you notes, especially by senior execs, for your performance on projects you work on can prove valuable in wrongful termination cases if the situation escalates to that.
0
SPEAKER_01
They will help demonstrate your character as a teammate and as a professional.
0
SPEAKER_01
Oh, and by the way, in terms of documentation, keep copies at home.
0
SPEAKER_01
In the worst case scenario, for example, he gets his way and you get fired.
0
SPEAKER_01
Expect nothing less than coming in one day to find security blocking your entrance to the building.
0
SPEAKER_01
7.
0
SPEAKER_01
Keep your ego in check.
0
SPEAKER_01
This guy is waiting for an outburst on your part, for that one little mistake that will take you over the edge so he can prove to everyone that he was right all along.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s very difficult to restrain yourself as this situation is horribly unjust and unfair.
0
SPEAKER_01
Keep your eye on the game and your sights on the end goal.
0
SPEAKER_01
I know it sounds a bit military, but in a way, this is war.
0
SPEAKER_01
All the best, Peter.
0
SPEAKER_00
Hey, thank you so much to Peter who sent that in response to the letter from a few weeks ago.
0
SPEAKER_00
I think that s a it s really nice to hear something like this from somebody who has been in very, very similar shoes.
0
SPEAKER_00
So hopefully that s helpful for me.
0
SPEAKER_00
I love getting stuff like this.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s one of the best parts of doing the show.
0
SPEAKER_00
So I hope that helped.
0
SPEAKER_00
Thanks, Peter.
0
SPEAKER_01
Hey, Jordan.
0
SPEAKER_01
For starters, I m an alumni and I want to say thanks for all that you, AJ and Johnny do.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s been life changing.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m currently serving in the military and have done so for about 10 years.
0
SPEAKER_01
By the time my contract is up, I will be at 12 years.
0
SPEAKER_01
And as most people know, we can retire with half of our salary for the rest of our lives at 20 years.
0
SPEAKER_01
I ve been on the fence about getting out of the service and pursuing another career for years now.
0
SPEAKER_01
I have a serious passion for the arts, especially photography and film, and would love to get out and use the GI Bill to go to film school.
0
SPEAKER_01
Here s my question.
0
SPEAKER_01
Should I get out with 8 years left to pursue this passion of mine and miss out on a pension?
0
SPEAKER_01
Or should I stay in and complete my 20 years but risk going through life regretting not taking the leap but still having a paycheck coming in every month?
0
SPEAKER_01
I think a lot of service members know where I m coming from with this one.
0
SPEAKER_01
Thanks again, Passion or Paycheck?
0
SPEAKER_00
Hey Passion or Paycheck, this is a really interesting question because it s kind of the age old question except there s an element here that most people don t have which is guaranteed check for life.
0
SPEAKER_00
Now here s a couple of considerations that you need to have.
0
SPEAKER_00
So first of all, eight years is a really long time.
0
SPEAKER_00
The difference between twelve and eight
0
SPEAKER_00
is huge.
0
SPEAKER_00
If your contract is up but you re not going to get a check, I mean eight years is an eternity.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s a long time.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s a lot of people stay in industries or businesses for a long time and eight years is just an eternity when it comes to this type of thing.
0
SPEAKER_00
Now the other problem, the consideration you have is going to film school doesn t even guarantee you a film job, not even close.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s photography, film, these are things that are really, really hard to make a living out of, especially if you just graduate from school.
0
SPEAKER_00
Now, you have to run the risk of not being able to make a living off of that for a really long time.
0
SPEAKER_00
Having that extra paycheck would be pretty nice at that point.
0
SPEAKER_00
However, it s going to cause you to wait for a really long time.
0
SPEAKER_00
The problem that I see here
0
SPEAKER_00
is that you really can t do one and the other at the same time if you re deployed.
0
SPEAKER_00
Now, if you aren t deployed, I strongly consider starting to learn photography and film without going to film school.
0
SPEAKER_00
I know it s gonna be tricky, but you really, in this day and age, you do not need those things in order to start working on projects and learning things like that.
0
SPEAKER_00
You just don t.
0
SPEAKER_00
You need to get out there and get experience, which is tricky, of course, and slash impossible if you re in the service.
0
SPEAKER_00
So, you really need to make this decision.
0
SPEAKER_00
Are you really going to have regrets not doing it?
0
SPEAKER_00
I think you might.
0
SPEAKER_00
But if you re going to stay in the service, it s probably going to be very, very late in the game by the time you have 20 years of military to dive into a fresh new career as a photographer.
0
SPEAKER_00
In the film industry, you re going to be so far behind and so much older than everyone else, and you re going to have so many other responsibilities, family, children, possibly, that it might be too late to start.
0
SPEAKER_00
And you have to decide whether or not you re okay with that.
0
SPEAKER_00
If that s not okay for you, then you need to get out at 12 and start grinding again in the film or photography industries and get that experience out of your belt while you can.
0
SPEAKER_00
While you still have that youth in your bones to stay up all night and get up early and burn the midnight oil.
0
SPEAKER_00
Paying your dues and grinding it out.
0
SPEAKER_00
Sorry I can t give you a yes or no or do this or don t do that.
0
SPEAKER_00
I just want to make sure you have all the consideration under your belt.
0
SPEAKER_00
I highly advise talking to somebody who has made it in film or photography and getting their opinion because they might have an entirely different course of action that will either encourage or dissuade you from continuing.
0
SPEAKER_00
Keep us posted.
0
SPEAKER_00
Next question.
0
SPEAKER_01
Hey Jordan, I need your help.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m hyper-competitive at everything I do.
0
SPEAKER_01
From sports with friends to even playing board games with my family, my competitive gene keeps dominating me so much that I can t relax and have any fun at all.
0
SPEAKER_01
It s a real strain on my relationships.
0
SPEAKER_01
Help.
0
SPEAKER_01
JDR.
0
SPEAKER_00
Hey JDR, thanks for the question.
0
SPEAKER_00
This sounds like it s about proving something to yourself and proving something to other people or some combination of those two.
0
SPEAKER_00
This is gonna sound a little strange, but I highly recommend you try escape rooms, escape games.
0
SPEAKER_00
Reason being, these things are frustrating, they rely on teamwork, and you can make those experiences about making other people have fun.
0
SPEAKER_00
If it s hard for you to do in sports, you gotta do it with something that you really don t care about, and I think escape rooms can be that for you.
0
SPEAKER_00
And essentially what these are, these puzzle rooms where you get locked in, you have an hour to escape, they re amazingly fun, I do them all the time, and I ve learned a lot about myself and how I act in competitive environments as well.
0
SPEAKER_00
Make it about making other people have fun.
0
SPEAKER_00
help them contribute and don t make it about yourself.
0
SPEAKER_00
This will remove the focus from yourself and your own performance and it ll make it about the team.
0
SPEAKER_00
I had really similar slash the same problem and it s really ugly because it ruins the game and it ruins the team experience and it can put a damper on a lot of relationships.
0
SPEAKER_00
A lot of relationships is about other people and not about ourselves and about seeing the bigger picture.
0
SPEAKER_00
So, I m giving you an excuse to do one of my favorite things, escape rooms, for self-improvement.
0
SPEAKER_00
Enjoy.
0
SPEAKER_00
I think you ll find that when you start to notice these things about yourself and become aware of them, you can exercise your right to discipline and to taking a few
1
SPEAKER_01
deep breaths in an environment where the score really doesn t matter because you realize that winning and losing doesn t mean anything about you.
1
SPEAKER_01
And once you take it on to yourself to make other people have fun and you make that the goal, it becomes a lot easier to be less competitive both with yourself and with others.
1
SPEAKER_01
Enjoy!
1
SPEAKER_04
Over the last 17 years, we have launched our fair share of online courses, coaching programs, and finding the right platform has always been a challenge.
1
SPEAKER_02
They say if you do what you love, you never work a day in your life.
1
SPEAKER_02
But if you re an entrepreneur, you know the hard work that comes with it.
1
SPEAKER_02
That s why you need Kajabi.
1
SPEAKER_02
Kajabi makes it easy to run your entire online business from one platform so you can focus on what you love.
1
SPEAKER_02
Creating.
1
SPEAKER_04
Kajabi is the ultimate all-in-one platform that helps creators and entrepreneurs build successful online businesses by unlocking predictable recurring revenue.
1
SPEAKER_02
No matter your niche, Kajabi makes it easy to turn your skills, passions, and experiences into enriching online courses, exclusive membership sites, subscription podcasts, thriving communities, personalized coaching, and more.
1
SPEAKER_04
The best part?
1
SPEAKER_04
Kajabi doesn t cut into your revenue because everything is owned and controlled by you.
1
SPEAKER_04
So keep 100% of what you earn.
1
SPEAKER_02
And with Kajabi, you also get robust analytics, easy payment options, email marketing tools, and customizable website templates, all built in.
1
SPEAKER_04
You don t even need a huge audience to make sustainable income.
1
SPEAKER_04
There are thousands of creators on Kajabi making six and seven figures with less than 50,000 followers.
1
SPEAKER_02
Right now, Kajabi is offering a free 30-day trial to start your business if you go to kajabi.com slash charm.
1
SPEAKER_02
That s K-A-J-A-B-I dot com slash charm.
1
SPEAKER_04
Go to Kajabi.com slash charm and join the creators and entrepreneurs who have made over seven billion dollars.
1
SPEAKER_02
Hey Art of Charm listeners, I m excited to share a new podcast I ve been absolutely binging.
1
SPEAKER_02
Winning is an everyday mindset and Craig Robinson and John Calipari are here to help.
1
SPEAKER_02
On Ways to Win podcast, Craig and Coach Cal use their on-court wisdom to solve your off-court problems.
1
SPEAKER_02
Whether it s trouble at home or a workplace dilemma, the coaches will help you find a winning formula for success.
1
SPEAKER_02
You ll hear from prominent athletes, business leaders, and celebrities who reveal insights that made them into the leaders they are today.
1
SPEAKER_02
And don t miss President Obama sharing how he deals with pressure by projecting confidence, believing in your team, and taking criticism.
1
SPEAKER_02
Listen to Ways to Win wherever you get your podcasts.
1
SPEAKER_01
Thanks to everybody who sponsors The Art of Charm.
1
SPEAKER_01
Honestly, couldn t do it without you.
1
SPEAKER_01
For a list of all the amazing sponsors and the discount codes that go along with them, visit theartofcharm.com slash advertisers.
1
SPEAKER_01
Now, back to Fan Mail Friday.
1
SPEAKER_00
Jordan, I love your show and please don t ever change it.
1
SPEAKER_00
How can a leader control their stress levels to keep a positive and strong face for their followers?
1
SPEAKER_00
I m a mid-level manager a year out of college with a job that puts me in charge of about a dozen people and millions of dollars in industrial equipment.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s an honor to have this responsibility, however, it s very stressful.
1
SPEAKER_00
On top of this, I m a naturally high-strung person.
1
SPEAKER_00
My poor reaction to stress has negative effect on my employees.
1
SPEAKER_00
I feel terrible about this because they are great people and need a leader, not someone to reassure.
1
SPEAKER_00
Thanks for reading, Marshall.
1
SPEAKER_00
Hey Marshall, thanks for the note.
1
SPEAKER_01
I will not be able to not change it.
1
SPEAKER_01
I think we re constantly evolving, but I appreciate that you love it the way it is.
1
SPEAKER_01
If you re a leader and you re having trouble controlling your stress levels, you re right, you do have to keep a positive and strong face for your followers.
1
SPEAKER_01
Because the problem is, when you have a bad leader, or you have somebody that shows too much emotion, negative emotion, it is extremely demoralizing for your team.
1
SPEAKER_01
You actually probably have no idea, or maybe you do, because maybe you had a leader that did the same thing.
1
SPEAKER_01
You re a mid-level manager, a year out of college, you ve got a lot of people underneath you, you re gonna have more, that your career, of course, is going only, hopefully, to go upwards.
1
SPEAKER_01
So yes, you re right, it s an honor to have this responsibility.
1
SPEAKER_01
It is very stressful, but realize that stress is part of
1
SPEAKER_01
what it means to grow.
1
SPEAKER_01
And reframing stress is really good.
1
SPEAKER_01
However, if you re a naturally high-strung person, which you ve said that you are, you can t just deal with stress by saying, this stress is a good thing.
1
SPEAKER_01
Reframing it is really good, but you really do need to make sure you re taking care of yourself.
1
SPEAKER_01
So my gut says that you re probably already doing this, but I want to make sure
1
SPEAKER_01
Are you making time to work out and are you eating right and are you sleeping enough?
1
SPEAKER_01
The answer is no to any of those things.
1
SPEAKER_01
I don t care what your excuse is, you need to get this handled.
1
SPEAKER_01
And just realize that every time you have a poor stress reaction and it negatively affects your employees, you are making your own job harder in the future.
1
SPEAKER_01
If you want to invest in your team,
1
SPEAKER_01
and invest in the idea that you are going to have an easier time down the line, the best thing you can do is compartmentalize that stress.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I don t mean hold it in.
1
SPEAKER_01
I mean channel it in appropriate ways.
1
SPEAKER_01
Sports, working out, things like that.
1
SPEAKER_01
Being a naturally high-strung person is something that requires work to undo.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s not an excuse to constantly be stressed out and worried.
1
SPEAKER_01
Trust me, I know that better than anyone because I am also that guy.
1
SPEAKER_01
I know you feel bad about this.
1
SPEAKER_01
Great people need a great leader.
1
SPEAKER_01
You re absolutely right.
1
SPEAKER_01
Take this as a personal challenge.
1
SPEAKER_01
This is your area for growth.
1
SPEAKER_01
Reframing the stress and taking it as a challenge every single time you see that experience and realizing and constantly telling yourself, look, this is exactly what I need to grow.
1
SPEAKER_01
This is exactly what I need to grow.
1
SPEAKER_01
This is a test of my will.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s a test of my strength.
1
SPEAKER_01
This is going to build character.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I know that s a
1
SPEAKER_01
crappy reply because I know a lot of people go, builds character, puts hair on your chest.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it s a terrible thing to say and to hear.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s not very reassuring, but I promise you that if you learn to compartmentalize and deal with stress effectively, taking it as a challenge instead of something that s going to unwind you, you re going to find that people will rally around you, your job will become easier, and you will get promoted up and until the point where you think that finding things that stress you out is actually fun.
1
SPEAKER_01
Trust me, I know it sounds crazy, but that s exactly how it worked out for me.
1
SPEAKER_01
Hope y all enjoyed that.
1
SPEAKER_01
Greetings, by the way, from Australia, which is where I m at right now.
1
SPEAKER_01
Don t forget, you can email us Friday at theartofcharm.com to get your questions answered on the air.
1
SPEAKER_01
A link to the show notes for this episode can be found at theartofcharm.com slash fmf85.
1
SPEAKER_01
Also, don t forget, we got the AOC Challenge text charmed.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s C-H-A-R-M-E-D to 33444 here in the USA or anywhere else, just go to theartofcharm.com.
1
SPEAKER_01
We ve got step-by-step ditties on how you become better at making personal and professional connections, how to become a better networker, increasing your personal social capital and your charisma, and of course, it s for both guys and gals, ladies, so don t send me that note.
1
SPEAKER_01
I know I m not your target market, but it s for both guys and gals, so check it out.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s Charmed.
1
SPEAKER_01
You can text the word CHARMED to 33444 in the USA, or if you re not, just go to theartofcharm.com.
1
SPEAKER_01
By the way, I m doing a lot of speaking these days as well.
1
SPEAKER_01
If you re interested in having me come and speak to your organization, your company, whatever, just reach out to me here.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m Jordan at theartofcharm.com.
1
SPEAKER_01
Hasn t changed, never will.
1
SPEAKER_01
Quick shout-outs to Clint, Brandon Clift, and last but not least, my man Ronsley Vaz here in Australia.
1
SPEAKER_01
at the We Are podcast event in Gold Coast.
1
SPEAKER_01
Had a blast with you guys.
1
SPEAKER_01
Can t wait to do it again next year.
1
SPEAKER_01
If I m invited back, of course.
1
SPEAKER_01
Are you in a strange land listening to my familiar voice?
1
SPEAKER_01
If so, hit me up and I ll shout you out.
1
SPEAKER_01
More from AOC at theartofcharm.com, including info on our live residential boot camps that we run every week here in LA.
1
SPEAKER_01
or over there, I should say, in LA.
1
SPEAKER_01
If you really want to dig into this stuff and work on your AOC skills with us as your coaches, that s bootcamp.theartofcharm.com.
1
SPEAKER_01
Talk to Brock, get it going.
1
SPEAKER_01
Now stay charming, get out there and connect, and leave everyone better than you found them.
1
SPEAKER_03
Thanks for listening to The Art of Charm.
1
SPEAKER_03
Get more confidence, relationship skills, life hacks, and more at theartofcharmpodcast.com.