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Well, before we start our episode today, we want to welcome a new partner, Cards Direct, into our fold.
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They re a great sponsor.
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They re sponsoring this episode and a lot of episodes coming up.
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And, you know, we always say, Brian, that if everyone is doing it one way, you ve got to do it another way.
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You ve got to stand out from the crowd.
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And nowhere could that difference be more stark than in how you speak to your clients and prospects.
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Yep, we live in a digital age, but prospects and customers are craving something more personal.
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Greeting cards are the answer.
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As a sales professional, you can do greeting card marketing in conjunction with your digital marketing.
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It s a welcoming, personal way of keeping in touch.
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Cards Direct offers greeting cards for a new era.
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They are custom, can be branded with your logo, photos, company colors and more.
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You can personalize the interior message and upload signatures right into the cards.
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They ll even address and stamp the envelopes for you.
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I just had a couple samples and I love these things.
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You know, I never had greeting cards before and I m finding so many different uses for it once I had these things.
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The best part, the advance selling podcast listeners can go to CardsDirect.com slash ASP for 25% off your order plus free shipping.
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That s CardsDirect.com slash ASP for 25% off your order and free shipping and welcome to Cards Direct to our tribe.
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In this episode of the Advanced Selling Podcast, we make a cat lover love connection between a cat snuggler and a cat walker.
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Bill says the word buttressed, and we talk about how to process the emotions of losing.
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Hey everybody, Bill Kasky.
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Brian Neal.
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Back at the Advanced Selling Podcast, the longest running sales training podcast.
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We are glad you are with us.
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We come to you every Monday morning with a new topic that we hatch, sometimes out of thin air, sometimes it s something that Brian and I talk about in the pre-show, and sometimes it s things that we re struggling with as well.
0
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We are a smidge distracted, at least I am right now, because we re watching a screensaver thing that is from an Apple device, where they do those flyovers of those cities.
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And we can t figure out if this is actually a guy with a 38-story selfie stick, filming this thing way up in the high.
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And we can t figure out what the city is.
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It s got a JW Marriott there, and there s a little thing coming up.
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There s a sign on that little building over there.
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See, Bill, with the red, the round circle with the red over by the JW?
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That s a stadium.
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Wouldn t it be weird if I studied it for like an hour and a half and realized it was Indianapolis?
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Wait a second.
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SPEAKER_00
Wait a second.
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Here s my house.
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Oh.
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Well, we would love to come out and see you and your sales team sometime.
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The fall is a great time.
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It s a good time for retreats and kickoff sales meetings and rollouts and things like that.
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So Brian and I are always busy doing that.
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If you re interested in having a conversation about whether we might be a fit for your team, email us at listener at advancedsellingpodcast.com.
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In the subject line, just put something like, come see us.
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or some other clever subject line, and we ll be glad to get the ball rolling.
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For sure.
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You know, I listen to a lot of podcasts, as I don t know if you do.
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Do you listen to a lot of podcasts?
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I really don t.
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No, I m not really a podcast lover.
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I listen to ours.
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Do you listen to ours?
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Self-critique.
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It is funny.
0
SPEAKER_00
We ll be on a plane somewhere with my significant other and I ll have my earbuds in and I ll start laughing and she d be like, what are you laughing at?
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SPEAKER_00
And I ll just turn my phone and it just, no, it ll just says advanced line podcast.
0
SPEAKER_00
I m like, I m laughing at her.
0
SPEAKER_00
She s like, exactly like you idiots.
0
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Well,
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I was listening the other day, and this guest, a lot of podcasts really hype their guests about, I m going to be talking today to the most awesome, influential, amazing, beautiful, spectacular person.
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You re going to learn so much.
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This is going to transform your life.
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And I always feel like, oh, come on.
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Come on.
0
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Just drop it down a notch or two.
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The hyperbole is just.
0
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So anyway, this guy heads this lady on who is an expert in goal setting and achievement.
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And so he s interviewing her.
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And she s got a very nice vibe about her.
0
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And he was getting into the interview.
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And he goes, well, tell me.
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Give me an example of a goal that you set recently that you re really proud of.
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And she goes, well, I ll give you an example from yesterday.
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She says, I got up in the morning.
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And I didn t have my plan set.
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And she said, I set a goal of snuggling with my cat all day.
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Snuggling with my cat.
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Are you kidding?
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No.
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Swear to God, this is a business person, a business podcast.
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And I m sure that the podcast host, and you would know him.
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I m not going to give you his name.
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You would know him.
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Yeah.
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Was probably thinking, oh my gosh.
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Where did it?
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Who booked this guest?
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Who the hell booked this guest?
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And she went on a little two-minute monologue on her cat and about how it was comfy and it was snuggy.
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That was her goal for the day.
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I m like, I would have picked another goal, wouldn t you?
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I d pick another pet.
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That s just me.
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You don t like pets.
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That s not my deal.
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And then I think, so the people that I know that have
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What cat snuggles with you?
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Cats don t do that, do they?
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They hate people, right?
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They go and hide until they want some food, and then they come to see you.
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Maybe she put a sheet over its head.
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Anyway, but I thought, of all stories to tell, and she knew she had a business audience, because this is a business audience.
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Snuggling with your cat, probably not a goal that you want to bring up.
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Did she accomplish her goal?
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I turned it off after that.
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I m sure you did.
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But I said, I got something, because we re going to use that on this podcast.
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Unsubscribed.
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She s the cat snuggler.
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There s a guy that runs in my neighborhood.
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You see normal people running, or common people.
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I ve seen him for 20 years running.
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This guy runs.
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We call him in our family the cat walker, though, because not only does he run twice a day and look at his watch, and he runs the exact same time, exact same routes, he also walks his cat on a leash, which is a little weird to me.
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I just don t know.
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He s the cat walker.
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So we have the cat snuggler and the cat walker.
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Maybe we should hook these two up.
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These two up.
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Maybe we should get them up on Bumble, swipe right, cat walker, cat snuggler.
0
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All right.
0
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All right, you pick the topics.
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Well, I picked the topic inspired by you in the pre-show.
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So we re going to talk today about how to handle losing emotionally and internally versus externally.
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And show comes up.
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Bill and I were talking about some stuff before we got going about, OK, what do you do when you lose something, when you don t get chosen?
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You don t get chosen for a promotion or a job, or you don t get selected in a deal.
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You think things are going good.
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We ve done a lot of talk about how to go back to a deal that we ve lost or save a deal externally.
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What we haven t done is, how do we manage it internally?
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How do we process it emotionally, both ourselves and then for sales leaders?
0
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How do sales leaders stand in front of their team that has lost, not met a goal, lost a big deal, that sort of thing?
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Or where their team is just not making the numbers and the whole team is losing.
0
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It doesn t have to be a micro thing.
0
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Yeah, so today s going to be a little bit therapeutic.
0
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So this is a good podcast to listen to if you ve recently lost a big deal.
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And if you re just listening to it now, it s great to prepare you for when you do.
0
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Good for getting ready to lose one.
0
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Exactly, because I don t know about you, but that s occurred a couple of times with me, where we lose a big deal.
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And how do we handle it and process it emotionally?
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Yeah.
0
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The first thing that I thought about when you brought this up as a topic is I always think about, well, what s really happening here?
0
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When we feel bent out of shape about a loss or we feel bitter, sometimes we lose something and we say, well, jeez, it serves that person right.
0
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We don t want to be bitter.
0
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But I think there is a confusion between the roles that we play in life, like salesperson, podcaster, marketing person, director, whatever.
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and the identity, who we are as human beings.
0
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Your identity and mine, it s unlike anybody s on the planet.
0
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We re so unique, and our experiences and our soul and our consciousness, and not to get too deep into it,
0
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But those are two very distinct, different parts of us, our roles that we play and the identity.
0
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And unfortunately, what happens is when we play a role and the role gets rejected, like you lose a deal or a significant other leaves you or whatever, it affects our identity.
0
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And really, there s two different things.
0
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So it s that line between the two that has to be buttressed so that the role buttressed.
0
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Look that up, my friend.
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I m going to right now.
0
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B-U-T-T-BUTT-R-E-S-S-R-E-S-E-D-I-D.
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Buttrest.
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I think it s, I think buttrest means it s, there s a support wall outside.
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Okay.
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I believe it.
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No, you don t.
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You wouldn t be looking it up.
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You don t believe me.
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SPEAKER_00
No, I believe you.
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I literally don t know what it is.
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SPEAKER_00
Okay.
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SPEAKER_00
So I m going to look it up.
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Keep going.
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So now I don t know where I am.
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So we ve got to find that line between the roles that we play of father and mother and student and athlete and salesperson and our identity.
0
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And we re not talking identity politics here.
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That s a whole different identity.
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This identity is who you are inside.
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Yes, to increase the strength of, or justification for, to reinforce.
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To reinforce the line.
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To reinforce the line, to buttrest.
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SPEAKER_00
Well done.
0
SPEAKER_01
That was well played.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_01
And buttrest is a word that kind of, it s kind of funny.
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I mean.
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It s great.
0
SPEAKER_00
No, buttrest.
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SPEAKER_00
Buttrest.
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Getting some buttrest here.
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I m laying down, getting some buttrest.
0
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Well, I wrote down,
1
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Some things that I found helpful to me that are counterintuitive.
1
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Here s one of them.
1
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I learned this in a little fellowship group I m in.
1
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When you re down, stay down.
1
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Too often, we are taught, especially in the United States, when you get knocked down, get back up and come up swinging.
1
SPEAKER_01
And we don t get OK enough staying in the pain of the loss of whatever that is.
1
SPEAKER_01
And therefore, we quickly mask over it and don t realize that it s actually leaving some scars behind.
1
SPEAKER_01
So sometimes it s OK to wallow around a little bit when you lose a big deal to just get OK with that and let those emotions and things process themselves versus trying to cover them up and get over them too quickly.
1
SPEAKER_01
because you ll take them with you, and then they can cause problems down the road.
1
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Now, that s a little bit heavy, I think, for selling, but at the same time, I think too often people, they lose a big deal, and they re like, okay, well, whatever, we ll go out and find another one, which we talk about abundance and attachment and going out, and that s okay.
1
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Sometimes, you know, it s okay.
1
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It s okay if you re pissed, upset, sad, whatever, feel like you re an idiot for a little bit, that s okay.
1
SPEAKER_01
Just be down there for a minute.
1
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Don t try to mask it too quickly.
1
SPEAKER_00
When you re down, stay down.
1
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No, that s really good, because I think we get up and we move on to medicate the pain, to get rid of the pain.
1
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And sometimes there might be value in the pain.
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Maybe through feeling the pain, we say, you know, I didn t like it, but now that I think about it, I was a little pushy on that first call.
1
SPEAKER_00
So there is value in wallowing in it.
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And it s not a weakness.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s not a weakness at all.
1
SPEAKER_00
No.
1
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At least it s a better self-discovery.
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, I had something similar for my first one.
1
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And that is, when we look back to deals we lost or things that didn t pop up the way we wanted them to, what lessons are there?
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SPEAKER_00
How can we reflect on what really occurred?
1
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And can we learn lessons?
1
SPEAKER_00
We used to talk a lot about, you know,
1
SPEAKER_00
Is there any kind of a lost sale process?
1
SPEAKER_00
So when you do lose a sale, does anybody contact that prospect?
1
SPEAKER_00
And I don t think it can be you, but you have a company, a research company.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I had a client, you remember him, Chet was with the company.
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They spent a lot of money.
1
SPEAKER_00
They went back and researched.
1
SPEAKER_00
They researched every deal they lost.
1
SPEAKER_00
They had a company that did it.
1
SPEAKER_00
And through the interviews, they found out so much about where the salesperson screwed up, where the company screwed up.
1
SPEAKER_00
The value wasn t there.
1
SPEAKER_00
The pricing was, it wasn t ever the price was too high.
1
SPEAKER_00
It was just not explained clearly enough.
1
SPEAKER_00
So there s a lot of value in wallowing in the lost sale.
1
SPEAKER_01
Can I react to that?
1
SPEAKER_01
You knew that was coming, didn t you?
1
SPEAKER_01
I did.
1
SPEAKER_01
I just told that story at dinner last Thursday.
1
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I was with some people who used to work there, and I hadn t seen them for a long time.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I said, you guys remember Chet?
1
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I said, Bill and I still mention this in the podcast, and lo and behold, there it is.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s great karma.
1
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Just Thursday night at dinner, I was.
1
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I said, can I react to that?
1
SPEAKER_01
OK, here s another one.
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I d like you to think about the karmic reaction that you have to deals like this.
1
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And I want you to think about putting better karma out than maybe you re feeling internally, because I think it s a good long-term play for you.
1
SPEAKER_01
And so I want you to think positively about the person that got the deal and the company that didn t pick you, even to put that into physical form, to reach out to them to say, hey, I understand.
1
SPEAKER_01
It wasn t me.
1
SPEAKER_01
I really hope you guys, you know,
1
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have a good relationship with that other company or whoever that is.
1
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If anything ever goes wrong, sideways, or you just want to chat more about the deal, I m more than happy to reach back out.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I ll stay in touch just to check in and see how things are going.
1
SPEAKER_01
Even a call to the competitor to say, hey, man, good work.
1
SPEAKER_01
I know we were up against each other in that deal.
1
SPEAKER_01
Happy for you guys that you got it.
1
SPEAKER_01
I think you ll do great there.
1
SPEAKER_01
If you guys ever need anything, we re here for you, that sort of stuff.
1
SPEAKER_00
I would have sent that to you if I d have got the deal that we both lost.
1
SPEAKER_00
But I didn t get anything from the guy that wanted you.
1
SPEAKER_01
I didn t send it to the winner, which I would if I saw him.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, that s right.
1
SPEAKER_00
We re supposed to send it to him.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, totally.
1
SPEAKER_01
Never mind.
1
SPEAKER_01
I guess that would be a little rude.
1
SPEAKER_01
I photocopied a picture of my butt trussed and said to him, no, I didn t do that.
1
SPEAKER_00
Just kidding.
1
SPEAKER_00
That d be funny if he sent a note to us after hearing this, saying, yeah, sorry you guys didn t get it.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, totally.
1
SPEAKER_00
He s like, mwahaha.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, we talk about detachment a lot.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I know a lot of people have been ordering the program All In.
1
SPEAKER_00
You ve heard some of our promotions for it.
1
SPEAKER_00
And Brady is a really good spokesperson for it.
1
SPEAKER_00
And in All In, we spent a lot of time on detachment and this notion of, are we really detached, or are we just saying we re detached?
1
SPEAKER_00
And we had a thing the other day.
1
SPEAKER_00
I had a call from a client that you and I share, Brian.
1
SPEAKER_00
The salesperson was lamenting that the emails that were going back and forth between he and the prospect were kind of deteriorating.
1
SPEAKER_00
And at some point, the guy just said, you know what?
1
SPEAKER_00
We re not going to do anything right now.
1
SPEAKER_00
But it all came through email.
1
SPEAKER_00
I ask this person, what happened on the first call?
1
SPEAKER_00
What happened during the first meeting you had with this person?
1
SPEAKER_00
And he told me, we have the luxury of being 30,000 feet from the thing that happened.
1
SPEAKER_00
When you re in the moment, you can t ever think of these things.
1
SPEAKER_00
But what happened was our guy was not detached.
1
SPEAKER_00
He was very attached because, not from a standpoint of desperation, just he wanted the deal really bad because he wanted to help these people.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so when that drives you, then I think you fall harder when you lose deals.
1
SPEAKER_00
And so if you can keep the healthy detachment, I m good with the deal, I m good without the deal, do I want to work with the people?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_00
Do I need to lose 100 pounds?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_00
I mean, a callback that nobody knows.
1
SPEAKER_00
Nobody knows what that means.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s right.
1
SPEAKER_01
I think when we re truly detached, it s a soft landing.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yes, that s great.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I think the lesson I hear in that is I ve got to continue that.
1
SPEAKER_01
This detachment thing is not an event.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s not like after I lose it, I m detached, so I go on.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m constantly reminding myself.
1
SPEAKER_01
OK, if it doesn t happen, OK, if it doesn t happen.
1
SPEAKER_01
I ve got a new opportunity that I m talking to.
1
SPEAKER_01
I got brought in by a CFO, who s a former client, who s usually a stopper in our world.
1
SPEAKER_01
Usually CFO s like, why are we paying these guys this money?
1
SPEAKER_01
Met CEO, VP of sales, great calls, great relationship talk, just really good meetings, three hours worth.
1
SPEAKER_01
We re walking out to the car.
1
SPEAKER_01
CFO says, well, this is going to be the easiest sale you ve ever closed.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I m like, no.
1
SPEAKER_01
I m like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
1
SPEAKER_01
Absolutely not.
1
SPEAKER_01
Did you go la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la?
1
SPEAKER_01
Completely.
1
SPEAKER_01
No, I just turned around.
1
SPEAKER_01
I hit him in the face.
1
SPEAKER_01
No, I punched him.
1
SPEAKER_01
No, I didn t do that.
1
SPEAKER_01
You have to monitor those things.
1
SPEAKER_01
Because you let that stuff get in your head, it ll kill you.
1
SPEAKER_01
And we know what happens, right?
1
SPEAKER_01
You hear that kind of stuff?
1
SPEAKER_01
Like, no, no, no, no.
1
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, that s good.
1
SPEAKER_01
Last one.
1
SPEAKER_01
Last one, I got this from my coaching program.
1
SPEAKER_01
I go to strategic coach now.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s called the positive focus.
1
SPEAKER_01
And I m going to call this a positive focus, a look back on what you did well in the deal and what you ve done well in other deals to help you start to turn the corner up.
1
SPEAKER_01
Positive focus, look back on what you did well in the deal you lost and the other deals that you ve won here recently.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, good.
1
SPEAKER_00
So I hope that episode was good.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s a reality.
1
SPEAKER_00
We can run from it and say, no, we re going to have positive mental attitude, and we have to always see the bright side in things.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know what?
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SPEAKER_00
Sometimes we jack it up, and it doesn t turn out the way we want it to, and we have to be OK with it.
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SPEAKER_00
We have to say, you know what?
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SPEAKER_00
I screwed up, instead of, well, you know, maybe.
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SPEAKER_00
I just think we have to be honest with ourselves.
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SPEAKER_00
Agreed.
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SPEAKER_00
And so part of that is to understand what happened and do better next time.
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SPEAKER_00
So again, if you want to talk to Brian or I or both about having us out to facilitate or train or speak at one of your upcoming meetings, we d be happy to talk with you.
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SPEAKER_00
Send us an email at listener at advancedsellingpodcast.com, and we will get back with you.
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SPEAKER_00
See you next time.
1
SPEAKER_00
Bye.