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Expand your world and realize every challenge that s ever been brought to me has made me more.
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I ve become more so I can serve more.
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So I can enjoy more.
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That s why we re here in this life.
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To bring more good, more great.
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To bring insight, to bring strength, to bring action.
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That s why we re here.
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Welcome to the Tony Robbins podcast.
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You re listening to an episode that s part of a special season on contribution called Force for Good.
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We re exploring the 10 gifts of life.
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Emotion, drive, growth, joy, gratitude, connection, consciousness, grace, presence, and forgiveness.
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You ll hear Tony and Sage Robbins explain each gift and stories of true heroes who show us how they show up in real life.
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We hope you enjoy today s episode on connection.
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All of a sudden I started entertaining this crazy thought of what if I just leave everything I ve ever known behind?
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What if I just scrap it all and start over and actually give myself a chance to design a life that I am proud of?
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What I wanted was to create a purpose and create a project that was bigger than myself.
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What I wanted was to get on a path that would impact me and impact others.
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I didn t want to just do this for me.
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That s where the idea for my social experiment came up, in which I challenged myself to circumnavigate the globe by couch surfing, however, never using the website, but rather using human connection.
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The voice you just heard was that of Celine da Costa, who made the daring decision to leave behind the life she thought she wanted, the life she had always been told she should want, to travel around the world by sleeping on strangers  couches.
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People told her she was crazy, that she was courting danger, and she might agree with them now.
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But at the time, Celine was so fed up with her life that she was looking for any way to escape her mundane and meaningless day-to-day.
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Compared to the despair she was feeling, her plan to travel around the world by couch surfing, dangerous though it might be, was the exact escape she needed.
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But what Celine discovered on this trip is that she didn t need an escape from her life.
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What she needed was to dive into the deep end of life, to feel things more wholly, to express herself more authentically, and to truly connect with those around her.
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Celine found the literal and figurative power of love and connection, and she rediscovered herself along the way.
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Today, you ll hear from Celine and a recovery workaholic who has devoted his life to giving back to the community that has given him so much in Costa Rica.
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You ll hear a theme in each of these stories.
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When we set out to help others and when we open up to them in the process, the connections that we create end up changing us too.
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Love and connection are gifts for both giver and receiver.
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Connection reverberates and amplifies as it s shared, building bridges that take us places we never thought possible.
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All we have to do is be open to it.
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Take a listen to what Tony has to say about love and connection, and consider, where could human connection take you?
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It s the holidays.
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What do you want under your tree?
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What would be the ultimate gift for you?
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What s a gift that you ll never forget?
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What s a gift that would penetrate your soul?
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The answer we all know is love.
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Love is literally the oxygen of the soul.
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Without it, we don t survive.
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A baby that is not physically held, love kinesthetically develops a disease.
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It s called failure to thrive syndrome.
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Literally, a baby will die if it s not physically loved.
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Our competitive advantage, what the universe or God has given us, is the grace of love.
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Because out of love, we will do things that we will never do for ourselves.
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The love of those that we care about.
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The challenge is people are constantly looking for it, trying to get it.
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And when it doesn t come in the form that they want from the person they want, they re angry, they re frustrated, their expectations aren t met.
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And yet there s another kind of love, generous love.
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A generous lover is someone who just gives love to anyone and everyone.
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You could look at it as simple as a thing called kindness.
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You know, so many times in people s lives, they treat the people closest to them in ways they d never treat a stranger.
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And yet, here we are on the holidays, and we let the stress and the time get in the way of who we are.
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At our core, we re love.
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And when we experience it at its deepest level, we re so fulfilled.
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And yet, trying to go get love?
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Well, that s a tough one.
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Trying to give love?
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It s always there.
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I mean, think about it.
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We get the gift when we give it because we re embodying it.
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Love is not a thing.
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It s a way of being.
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In the Bible, we all know the phrase, love is patient, love is kind.
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It does not envy.
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It does not boast.
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It s not proud.
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It doesn t dishonor others.
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It s not self-seeking.
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It s not easily angered.
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It keeps no record of the wrongs.
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That s called kindness.
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Love does not delight in the evil, but rejoices in the truth.
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It always protects.
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It always trusts.
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It always hopes.
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It always preserves.
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Listen, if you want the most magnificent holiday, if you want to transform your life and you want to transform it right now, step back into the generous lover that s inside of you and think about what am I here to give?
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What kindness could I share today?
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And think about being a generous lover, not just the physical act of intimacy.
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Certainly you want to be a generous lover there.
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But it s all those around you, it s your dearest friends, it s your kids, it s your parents, it s the people you meet on the street.
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We re all so conditioned in this world to try to get what we want instantly and technology has really helped to make that happen, hasn t it?
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We expect humans to respond like technology.
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I should put a push a button and you give me what I want right now.
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But that s not how the human being or the human spirit, the human soul works.
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So in difficult times, we find so much of this love is hurting because we re trying to get it from somebody else.
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What if the spirit of this holiday, the ultimate gift you could give was your patience, your kindness, your honoring of others, your acknowledgement.
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your capacity to let go of things, even if you were wronged.
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Everyone s wronged.
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Everybody wrongs people at times.
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Nobody means to.
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What if you were to give people just a little more room?
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What if you would just be a little bit more generous with your time or your energy or your awareness or your connection?
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That willingness to connect with people, that willingness to give to people you don t even know, will change your life faster than any principle that I know.
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You know, the secret to living is giving.
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So give that love.
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And think of it this way.
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There s four levels of love.
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There s baby love.
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I ask people all the time, are babies really generous lovers?
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Are babies really loving?
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And people always say yes.
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And no, it s not true.
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Babies only love you if you give them what they want.
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If not, they scream and cry.
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And that s okay at that stage of life.
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But some people are 40 and they re still like level one love, one dimensional love.
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Level two love is horse trading.
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Okay, I ll love you.
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I ll give you this if you give me that.
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Some people do it consciously.
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It s a trade.
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It s a manipulation.
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Some people don t even realize they re doing it.
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They re just giving, hoping that they ll get, and when they don t, they get mad.
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No one feels love by horse trading.
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Then there s real love.
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It s just who you are.
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You just give it because it s what you re made of.
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And when we do that, that s when we feel the most alive.
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That s generous love.
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And the ultimate generous love is fourth dimensional.
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That s when you love someone who s really not been good to you.
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That doesn t mean you keep them in your life.
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That doesn t mean you let them abuse you.
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But if you look around and you see some of the greats in history, there are people that were able to give love, even though they don t let somebody hurt them.
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You know, the Dalai Lama loves, again, prays for those soldiers who ve destroyed a part of his country, and some of them actually hurt his family.
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He doesn t look down on them.
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He hopes that they ll be released from the pain that they ve been through.
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See, we all are capable of a fourth level love.
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I m sure someone has been unfair to you, but you ve been generous, right?
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When people are being unfair and unjust, just remember we re all doing the best we can with the resources we have.
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Haven t you ever been in a state where you just snapped at somebody unfairly and you felt bad about it afterwards?
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Well, it s good to remember if somebody snaps at you, being a generous lover is also just being forgiving, just letting go, remembering, hey, we re all doing the best we can, and if we can be kind to people in those moments, they never forget it.
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It bonds us at a deeper level of connection and love than you ll ever get by everything being perfect.
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Same s true in your business.
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When there s a real challenge, if you can heal it then, if you can take care of your client, you ll bond with them more powerfully even if there was no problem at all.
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So don t look at problems as a reason not to love.
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Look at problems as a reason to love more.
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What if your holiday was filled with that kind of present and that kind of presence, giving the presence of kindness, of love, and of generosity?
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If you decide to make that decision and you really live the next few weeks this way, it might become just the habit that changes your whole life, not just your holidays.
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Let s practice together.
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Let s be generous lovers today and every day.
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Let s catch ourselves and let s allow ourselves to fill with the spirit of the holidays, which is joy and love.
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You re listening to the Force for Good season of the Tony Robbins podcast.
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To learn more about
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For the 10 gifts that we re featuring this holiday season, including emotion, drive, growth, joy, gratitude, connection, consciousness, grace, presence, and forgiveness, please visit www.tonyrobbins.com slash gifts, G-I-F-T-S.
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And to find Tony Robbins products and events that can help you identify your gifts, go to TonyRobbins.com slash shop, S-H-O-P.
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Matt Marks  wake-up call came on a trip to Costa Rica, and since then he made drastic changes to prioritize more of what truly matters to him.
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Matt decided to leave behind the tech world, a lifestyle that was eating him alive, to finally pursue his dream of helping kids in need through mentorship.
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Matt saw a need in Jaco, Costa Rica.
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He saw that kids were in need of mentoring, leadership training, life skills training, and a community of other kids who would lift them up and eventually lift them out of poverty.
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Through his work with the kids, Matt has integrated himself into his new community, where he feels a powerful sense of connection with the boys in the program, and even with their families.
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He is witnessing firsthand the importance of community and the impact that love and connection has on everyone.
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Here s Matt.
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I m from California.
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In 2002, I moved to Phoenix.
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So I m living in Phoenix two and a half years prior to ever visiting Costa Rica.
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And at that time, I didn t do vacations.
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I didn t do weekends.
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And I had a friend of mine that would come to my office, like clockwork every week or once a month, and he would invite me to Costa Rica.
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He owned property here.
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And it was just, no, no, no, I m not interested.
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Thank you.
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Long story short, December 2004, he showed up at my house and it just so happened I was buried in a big business deal and there wasn t going to be any movement from the other side for a couple of weeks.
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I said, yes.
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We were scheduled to stay about nine days.
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I stayed 20.
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I went home for Christmas to spend with my family and came back to Costa Rica.
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It sounds cliche to say that I really fell in love with the country, but I did.
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For that first year, I was never back in the States for more than a week or two at any given time.
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The last day of my trip, I was back in the city, I wasn t at the beach, I was getting ready to fly home, and I walked down into the barrio of a really tough neighborhood.
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A neighborhood, now that I m aware of, the police don t even like to go into.
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I remember walking down into it, and, you know, the kids are playing soccer on the street, and parents and some of the younger children are sitting on the doorsteps, you know, outside literally these tin shacks.
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I couldn t miss just the joy in their eyes.
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The energy was incredible.
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And I knew at that time that I was missing something.
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These people were so exponentially happier than my very affluent circle of influence back home, my colleagues, my friends.
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And I felt that I and we were really missing something, and I wanted to learn it and experience it.
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Matt made the decision to move to Costa Rica that day, and soon he founded his organization, Real Jaco, in Costa Rica to fill an important void in local kids  lives, to provide them the consistency that would allow them to thrive.
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Mission for Yalhaco is to educate and empower and help our youth here to become the leaders of tomorrow.
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The world needs more leaders.
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And to give you a clear description maybe of the organization, we re like the Boys and Girls Club, except with a focus on leadership, cultivating an abundant mindset, and of course, soccer.
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It s the one sport we play and the kids here love it.
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It s such a big part of the culture.
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But our goal is to help these kids become leaders and ultimately live richer, happier, more fulfilling lives and help break the poverty cycle.
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Prior to starting the organization, we had some major challenges.
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We don t have the resources here, so we don t have the after-school activities, weekends, and so many of these kids come from single-family homes, single moms, they work six days a week or 10 to 12 hours a day, and these kids are on the streets or alone or in a position to be victimized or end up in negative groups and activities, and it s really compounded.
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So we re really just filling that void and trying to surround them with the best people and give them something positive.
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One of the number one things we could do is just consistency.
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The more days we re open, the better off.
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I ve seen what happens on the days that we re not open, and there s a group of kids that are hanging out with people that maybe we prefer they weren t.
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But Matt provides so much more than consistency and leadership skills training for the kids in Costa Rica.
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He s giving them a place where they feel connected, supported, and encouraged to grow.
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Through Real HACO, he s providing them with a powerful community of peers.
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It s really as a team, the kids are family, the families that come and participate.
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And what I ve learned is we haven t just impacted the kids in a positive way.
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We ve really impacted the entire family unit in the community as a whole, inspired many more people in their community, including the local municipality.
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The government are stepping up and doing more.
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We certainly don t get credit.
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for all their hard work, but it s nice to know that, you know, through the ripple effect that we re making a difference.
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So it is, it s connection, it s community and working together.
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And we discuss, not just as the adults in the organization, but as the kids, what we can do to improve our community.
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And through working together, as you know, that connection and bond grows.
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We have a young boy named Jetswa.
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He s an incredible soccer player, an incredible young man.
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I met him about two years ago, and Jetswa has challenges at home.
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He has family challenges.
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He s from a very tough neighborhood in the city, in San Jose, and his father was shot out in front of the house when he was approximately six years old.
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And so the organization is his family and the moms in the organization are his moms.
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I at times, you know, I serve as a father figure, but.
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The truth is, you know, he s done as much for me and the organization as we ve done for him.
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But we ve been able to change his life and get him back in school and earning positive grades.
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And if we can do two things for JetSquad and those kids, we can help them continue to develop as soccer players, which they re already very good at, at least the talent compared to the U.S.
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And we can increase his academics and get it to a certain level.
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He can earn his scholarship to a Division I school, definitely Division II school.
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It s life-changing.
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But like you heard Matt say just a few minutes ago, it s not just life-changing for the kids in the program.
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It s life-changing for everyone the program touches.
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For the kids, for the families, for the community, and for Matt himself.
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That s the power of community.
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That s the power of real, intentional human connection.
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I think community and family and support system is everything.
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It s just one of the secrets to success in life.
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I don t believe any of us get to where we re at in life.
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I myself certainly did not get to where I m at in life all by myself.
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There s more people than I can list that have helped me get here.
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I think we re all seeking many of the same thing, whether it s happiness and joy.
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But connection is where the love comes from.
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And we all want to be loved.
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That s what we provide for the kids, and it doesn t matter whether you re 19 years old, 30 years old, or 60.
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We all want to be loved.
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We all want to feel validated.
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Matt s right, we all want to be loved.
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In fact, Tony says that love and connection are, together, one of the six human needs that everyone has.
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Love and connection is absolutely vital to a fulfilled and happy life.
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And when that need isn t met, you feel it deep in your gut.
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And that s where Celine found herself.
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Listen as Celine describes the darkness she felt in her life, a life devoid of real, authentic love and connection, and what she did to change it.
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I was about 10 years old when I came to the U.S.
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and my first memories is just as an only child who didn t speak a lick of English, I was thrown into this completely strange environment, you know, from Rome, one of the capitals of the world, to a suburb freezing cold.
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It was snowing at the time that I came in the middle of Connecticut.
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I was completely thrown in this environment that I didn t really understand and my memories since I was a child and being a teenager and through early adulthood is just feeling this crippling sense of just solitude and loneliness and
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feeling like nobody really understood who I was or what I had to say or just my identity.
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And the first barrier to entry was obvious, which is I didn t speak English, so I literally could not communicate with my peers.
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But even as I did, I remember, you know, just being picked on because I wasn t wearing the right clothes or I didn t get it because I was from Europe.
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I remember not being invited to any of the
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parties or any of the events and just, it was an isolating experience.
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But what I do remember whenever I was being counseled or mentored by people was just this pressure of what I did need to do, of who I did need to become.
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You know, this whole like learn English so well that nobody ever knows that you don t belong.
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Get really, really good grades and just kill it so that you can go to really good school.
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And then you need to go to corporate so you can work hard and be good and make lots of money and be successful.
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It was almost like,
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From the moment I could speak English, the only thing I understood was that there was one path for me to walk, there was one way for me to go.
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in order for me to be successful and I had to fit into that mold or be cast out again.
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So that s exactly what Selene did.
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She threw herself into her studies, was accepted to a prestigious college, and eventually landed a job at one of the top marketing agencies in New York City.
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But something wasn t right.
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I struggled with anxiety, crippling anxiety and depression, because I just didn t feel like I was allowed to be who I wanted to be, who I really was to my core.
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And instead I just had to live some placeholder life that was assigned to me.
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Going through college and then going into corporate America, always feeling like this pressure, this suffocation of who I needed to be.
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I never felt like I could really connect with anyone.
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I never felt like anyone understood me.
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And of course they didn t.
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I wasn t being myself.
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I wasn t even allowing myself to come out, I was hiding from me.
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And of course I was having a really hard time creating real connections with the people around me because I hid.
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And not only that, I shamed people who were themselves because of course I was projecting.
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And after all of that, the lifelong preparation, following the rules, dealing with her anxiety, Celine was laid off from the job she spent her whole life chasing.
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And when that happened, something shifted in her.
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All of a sudden, I almost had this weird break in Matrix.
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Something broke for me where I realized that maybe there s something that isn t this out there.
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I had this thought, but I didn t entertain it.
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I kept looking for my new job.
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I put my head forward and I kept being like, okay, I m going to go get a new job.
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I m going to do everything that I can.
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And I remember for about a month, every day I d go on LinkedIn, I d do everything I could for me to get this new job.
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But then I d go out and I d do what I actually wanted to do.
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I would go to the park.
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I would meet my friends.
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I started writing that summer.
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I started my blog.
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And discovered this piece of myself that I never knew existed because I didn t have the time or space to ever entertain that piece of me.
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and realized that I loved writing.
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And actually, I loved sitting in a park and striking up a conversation with a stranger.
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It made me feel less alone.
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And I loved having time for my friends and actually being able to give them the time and day and attention without being distracted by my phone.
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And all of a sudden, I started entertaining this crazy thought of, what if I just leave everything I ve ever known behind?
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What if I just scrap it all and actually give myself a chance to design a life that I am proud of?
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There was this voice that kept saying, what if you just leave it all behind and follow your heart instead and follow your purpose instead?
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And one day that decision won.
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I realized, okay, I m going to do the crazy thing, but it has to have a purpose.
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What I wanted was to create a purpose and create a project that was bigger than myself.
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What I wanted was to get on a path that would impact me and impact others.
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I didn t want to just do this for me.
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That s where the idea for my social experiment came up, in which I challenged myself to circumnavigate the globe by couchsurfing, however, never using the website, but rather using human connection.
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My why was to rediscover what it means to be human.
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And what better way to do that than to connect with humans around the world and put myself in a position where I had to look them in the eyes, where I had to be vulnerable, where I had to trust people, where I had to put my faith in others even though I didn t have it.
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I wanted to do something that would give back.
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So as I traveled the world, not only would I stay in these people s homes, but I wanted to do something for them, to help them, whether that was something as simple as helping them around the house, or even something as complex as listening to their problems and being somebody who actually sat there with them and really was present for them.
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I went off on this journey in July 2016, and I traveled across Europe and Asia and Oceania, all the way back to the U.S.
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And through human connections, through talking to everyone and telling everyone my story and my purpose and my mission,
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I ended up crowdsourcing my dream to travel the world, to meet people, to make something better of myself, to actually pursue my passions of traveling, of writing, of meeting others and connecting.
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And in that year, I ended up staying in the homes of over 100 people in over 20 countries across five continents.
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Human connection took Celine around the world, from New York and back again in the year that she spent traveling.
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But this trip also taught her something profound.
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I realized that we spend so much time distracting ourselves first with social media or with all the shiny things that we have as a 2019 society, all our shiny technologies.
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And when we think about work, about how do we get that promotion?
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How do we get that next client?
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What s the next strategy?
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What s the best sales funnel?
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What it ultimately comes down to, and I believe has come down since the beginning of time, is the answer is always people.
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Because the person who s going to give you a job is a person.
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The person who s going to stand by your side and be your friend or your partner is a person.
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And we seem to be ignoring the humanity that is behind anything.
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When you can connect to somebody and you get through to somebody, like their being, who they are as people, when you get through to them emotionally, anything else is possible.
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Mountains will be moved, exceptions will be made, loopholes will be created when you actually connect with a person.
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For me, I didn t really trust people.
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I didn t believe that I could pull this off.
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But what I realized is that when people helped me, they saw in me what they saw in themselves, which is a hunger for more, a desire for deeper connection, to have more out of life.
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The people who helped me, they shared this with me, this common humanity with me of we want more, we dream more.
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And so we re going to help you because we believe in you, because we also believe in ourselves.
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The Tony Robbins Podcast is directed by Tony Robbins and produced by the Tony Robbins editorial team, with audio editing and sound design by Jeremy Enns.
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Today s first guest was Matt Marks, founder of Real Jaco in Costa Rica.
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You can learn more about Real Jaco at realjaco.com.
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Our second guest was Celine DaCosta, copyright Robbins Research International.
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