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I lost my voice again.
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Now this isn t a shock to any of us because I always lose my voice, but I went a solid month where my voice sounded crystal clear.
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No hoarseness, maybe a little bit of raspiness, but that s just who I am.
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My voice sounded incredible.
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It sounded beautiful.
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I sounded like Ariana Grande when I was talking, okay?
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It sounded like a whistle tone, an Ariana Grande whistle tone when I was talking.
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It was that crispy.
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It was that sharp.
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Now it s gone again.
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I think there s something wrong with my vocal cords.
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I m a little bit concerned about it.
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I think I will be going to the doctor soon because it s just a little bit weird how often I lose my voice.
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whatever i ll get to the bottom of it for now i m just gonna eat a lot of luden s cherry cough drops and cross my fingers and hope for the best i just downed a cough drop it was delicious i m i m feeling good and i m ready to talk so
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Recently, I ve been thinking about cringe, the feeling of cringe.
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And I ve been sort of trying to figure it out.
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Let me explain why.
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I noticed that with myself, I know when something s cringe.
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I can look at something and be like, that s cringe.
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I can do something and be like, Emma, that was cringe.
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But I rarely ask myself why it was cringe.
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It s rare that I m fully aware of why something is cringe.
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I just know if it s cringe or not.
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It s very black and white in my brain.
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And if it s like that for me, I have to assume it s also like that for other people.
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We know when something is cringe, but we don t always know why it s cringe.
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And I think cringe is worthy of investigating because I don t think any of us want to be cringe.
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I think most of us want to avoid being cringe.
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And I don t think it s possible to completely avoid being cringe, but I feel like understanding what makes something cringe maybe will be beneficial.
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But also investigating whether or not cringe is always bad.
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Like, yeah, often cringe is bad.
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But when I really think about it, it s not always bad.
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And so today I m going to be investigating what makes something cringe and when cringe is bad versus when cringe is maybe good?
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I don t know.
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We re just going to go down the cringe rabbit hole today.
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So first I wanted to research why we cringe.
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I found an article on theface.com that referenced Dr. Dean Burnett, a neuroscientist and author of Emotional Ignorance, Lost and Found in the Science of Emotion.
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And he says that cringing is essentially a mechanism to deter us from behaving in ways that risk us losing status or gaining the negative judgment of others.
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Our bodies consider negative judgment to be a threat to survival.
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Our primitive brain reflexes don t really discern between a physical threat, example, a nearby tiger, and a psychological threat, example, potentially embarrassing ourselves in front of others.
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so they trigger similar responses.
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The subconscious desire to make yourself smaller to avoid detection or judgment means we cringe to minimize our presence until the risk has passed.
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That sort of explains the physical reaction to cringing like when you cringe you sort of crumble up into a ball and you know
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But I feel like cringe has sort of taken on a new meaning.
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It s less about the physical reaction of cringing, because that s sort of an intense reaction, and it s more a genre of behavior, right?
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It s less about the literal physical reaction, and it s more about individuals  actions, I guess.
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Because it s not like I physically cringe at everything that I believe is cringe.
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I feel like cringe is much more now than maybe it once was.
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It s a much larger umbrella now.
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It s basically anything that s embarrassing, awkward, uncool, uncomfortable, try hard.
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But in my opinion, there are two types of cringe.
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There s negative cringe, which has underlying feelings of anger and disgust, and it tends to be more embarrassing, uncomfortable, try-hard, like it tends to fall into those categories.
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Negative cringe tends to make you dislike someone.
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Maybe there s a rare instance where you pity them a little bit, but I d say for the most part, negative cringe is infuriating.
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You re almost mad at the person for being cringe in the way that they are.
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You re like, I m not on your team, right?
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And then there s positive cringe, which tends to have underlying feelings of pity and almost a sweetness.
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There s something endearing about positive cringe.
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It tends to fall into the category of being uncool, awkward.
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You can cringe at something but if it s the right type of cringe you can be like, yeah that was cringe but I m still on your team.
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You see what I mean?
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And this distinction I think is important because inevitably in life we re going to be cringed sometimes.
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It s unavoidable but
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I think our goal should really be to avoid being negative cringe, the type of cringe that really alienates you.
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It makes people not want to be around you.
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Versus harmless, positive cringe, where it s like, yeah, maybe you did something kind of uncool, kind of awkward, but no one s leaving you in the dust for that.
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Do you know what I m saying?
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Okay, so let s sort of dig into this now.
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Let s discuss some scenarios that make me cringe in a negative way and try to find a commonality so we can distinguish the difference between negative cringe and positive cringe so then we can go from there.
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Okay, when someone shows up to a casual event in a bunch of designer clothes, and they have logos everywhere, and they re wearing sunglasses, and they have a cocky attitude, and they re being dismissive of people, and they re just being a fucking cocky, bougie asshole, that s negative cringe.
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Someone walks in like that, and you re like, who are you?
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You know what I m saying?
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What are you doing?
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It s cringe because they re putting a lot of effort into trying to make everyone around them feel smaller than them, and that rarely works.
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It maybe works with people who are more vulnerable or insecure, but for the most part, it just comes off as cringe.
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It comes off as trying too hard, and nobody wants to be around that type of person.
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Another example, when someone parks their expensive car in front of a restaurant or in front of a bar or something and stands around it and tries to get attention for it.
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Cringe!
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This is cringe because this person is clearly trying to attract
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people based on something that they have rather than what they are.
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It s like an immediate red flag, like this person must be lacking somewhere and they re covering it up with this car, okay?
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This is a very LA thing.
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But again, it falls under the category of trying too hard.
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Another example,
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someone who constantly has to bring up their business success in front of people, particularly in a cocky way.
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It s one thing if you re thriving in your career and you re like, yeah, my job s going great.
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That s not what I m talking about.
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I m talking about people who are going out of their way to brag about their business success.
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There s something embarrassing about not being humble.
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And it falls under the category of being uncomfortable because being cocky is not in good taste.
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If you have keen social cues, you re not gonna be cocky.
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Another example, posting excessive photos of your significant other clearly in attempt to brag and flex and be like, look at what I have, you wish you had this.
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That s cringe to me.
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Like when I see couples posting like hot photos together in a way that feels super manufactured, I can t help but cringe.
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They might look hot together and maybe even look like they re having fun, but you can tell when they re posting it to make other people jealous versus them posting it because they just genuinely want to share this experience that they re having.
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I think that that s cringe because the viewer of this type of content can tell that it s rooted in insecurity in the relationship.
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Like, you might not even realize that you re picking up on that when you see this type of content, but subconsciously that s how it reads.
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It s like, oh God, you guys are trying to prove to the world that you re happily in love.
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But if you were happily in love, would you have taken this photo?
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There s a feeling emanating from it that screams, we re trying to prove to the world that we have a good relationship because we don t even believe we have a good relationship.
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Does that make sense?
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It can also read like, oh,
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You re trying to get back at your ex.
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You re trying to make them feel like shit.
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Like it s all of that.
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You know what I mean?
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It s rooted in some sort of insecurity somewhere.
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And that s palpable.
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Also sort of bouncing off of that, someone who s constantly reminding everyone how successful their love life is.
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Like what comes to mind is that friend you have who is always reminding you how much sex they have.
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Do you know what I m talking about?
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Like someone who s like, yeah, like, I don t know, like I ve gone on a lot of dates this week and like, just goes into detail about like this incredible sex that they re having.
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It s one thing to share these things with your friends, but it s, there s something about the tone and the intention that can make it cringe.
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When it s rooted in, again, insecurity, trying to be like, oh, just in case you forgot, I fuck, you know what I mean?
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I don t know how to explain it.
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Like there are people who are overly sexual in a way maybe trying to overcompensate for their normal sex life or maybe their sex life is not super bustling at the moment but they maybe will exaggerate it to
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make everyone around them think, look at me, like, you know, I ve known quite a few people like that.
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And that is very cringe.
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And it s cringe because that person is trying to weirdly be sexually dominant, not dominant, but like, for whatever reason, they want to prove to you that they re super sexually desirable more than you.
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You know what I m saying?
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It s weird.
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But I ve known many people like this.
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So that s why I m mentioning it.
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Another example, when people, primarily guys, try to start a fight at a bar to impress a girl.
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Like anytime someone tries to pick a fight to impress someone else, that is cringe.
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I think it s cringe because, again, it lacks social cues, so it s uncomfortable.
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it tends to be sort of awkward.
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It s not necessarily stereotypically uncool.
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Like I think stereotypically it is cool to win a fight in a way, but that s almost what makes it uncool is that anytime somebody tries to start a fight at a bar or something, it s very clear that they re trying to be cool by doing it, which then makes it uncool.
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Of course, when adults try to say young slang,
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To be cool with the kids?
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No.
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There s something really irritating about that when it s clear that the adult doesn t get it and isn t trying to figure it out even, just is just like haphazardly picking it up and throwing it around.
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That s cringe and that s infuriating.
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There are adults that can throw slang around and it works because for whatever reason, they get it.
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Like they did research on it, they get it.
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This actually goes beyond adults with kids.
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This can sort of happen in any scenario.
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It s just someone using terminology, slang if you will, that isn t theirs.
1
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Like they don t get it, you know?
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Like there s slang terms that I don t understand, whether it s because I m not on that corner of the internet, or it s not relevant where I live, whatever it may be.
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And therefore, I don t use them.
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You know what I m saying?
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Because it s like,
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I don t get it.
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I m not in on that joke.
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I m not in that club.
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So I don t use that verbiage.
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You know what I m saying?
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Now, it d be one thing if it started to click for me, it started to make sense for me, and then I start naturally using it.
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But it s when someone forces themselves to talk a certain way to try to fit into a certain group.
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whether it s adults trying to be like kids or whatever, that s cringe.
1
SPEAKER_00
I sound like such a bully today, but I ve done all the I ve probably done all these things, so it s fine.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s like I m guilty, too.
1
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OK, so keep that in mind.
1
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Another example, I think extreme narcissism is also cringe.
1
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Like, you know, someone who s constantly looking in the mirror, taking selfies, speaks highly of themselves.
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in unison with speaking horribly about others.
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You know, someone who never has anything constructive to say about themselves.
1
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It s always like, I m perfect.
1
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I have nothing to fix.
1
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I m awesome.
1
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That tends to be cringe, I think, because it s just naturally a delusional state of mind, I guess.
1
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We re all flawed.
1
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We all have work to do.
1
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We all have areas that we need to improve.
1
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And so if you re living in a state where you re like, I m perfect, no one s better than me, I m the princess of the universe, that s cringe because that s impossible.
1
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No one is that.
1
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So if you re aware that no one is that, then when you see someone behaving like that, you can t really take them seriously and you see them as sort of delusional and that is cringe.
1
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when someone fakes interest in something to try and bond and relate with someone else.
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This is cringe.
1
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You can tell when somebody doesn t really understand what you re talking about.
1
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You know, it s like if I were to go on a date with a guy and he s really into cars, guess who s not into cars?
1
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Me.
1
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I don t know shit about cars, but then I try to be like, well, my grandpa has a 1967 Ford Mustang.
1
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And I actually like worked on the,
1
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worked on it once with him one summer.
1
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And then the guy s like, did you really?
1
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Like, oh, well.
1
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What kind of motor does it have?
1
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You know what I mean?
1
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And then it s like awkward, because it s like obvious that you re faking it.
1
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That s uncomfortable.
1
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Or, you know, someone s nodding and shaking their head, being like, oh, yeah, no, I know.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah, you know.
1
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And then it s clear that they don t know what you re talking about.
1
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What I think is better than that is being like, I don t know anything about this.
1
SPEAKER_00
Please tell me.
1
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You know, instead of trying to fake having something in common, which is cringe, I think it s better to be like, I m completely unfamiliar with this world.
1
SPEAKER_00
Tap me in.
1
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Again, I think that falls under the category of just trying too hard and also lying in a way.
1
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And I think lying is cringe.
1
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Lying itself isn t maybe cringe, but then getting caught in a lie is cringe because it s like, oh, you tried to pull a fast one and you failed.
1
SPEAKER_00
And that s sort of embarrassing, you know.
1
SPEAKER_00
Another cringe example.
1
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Someone who tries really hard to keep up with social media trends but they don t quite get it.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know what I mean?
1
SPEAKER_00
Like there are certain trends that I ll never try because I just don t get it.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know what I mean?
1
SPEAKER_00
Like if I tried to do it it would be cringe because it doesn t come naturally for me.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think it s cringe because it s clear that someone is forcing themselves to do something, you know, participate in a social media trend that doesn t fit their personality.
1
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So it doesn t look right.
1
SPEAKER_00
It doesn t feel right.
1
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It s clearly forced.
1
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And it s forced in attempt to maybe go viral, maybe to feel hip and cool.
1
SPEAKER_00
But if it doesn t come naturally to you and it s not something that you d authentically do on your own, it s clear and there s something off about it.
1
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You can feel it.
1
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And that s cringe.
1
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But even people trying to be cool is cringe.
1
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Like when somebody s standing in the corner of a party being all moody and whatever, or even when someone posts a photo on social media and they are clearly trying to pose really cool.
1
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I probably do this all the time.
1
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It s obvious that they re trying to be cool and intimidating and moody.
1
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And at times they can pull it off, but I d argue most of the time it s kind of cringe.
1
SPEAKER_00
There are infinite examples of things that make me cringe in a negative way where I m like, oh, oh no.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, not all of these things are sinister.
1
SPEAKER_00
Not all of these things are wrong.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I actually think I ve probably done a lot of these things.
1
SPEAKER_00
However, these are all things that make somebody tough to be around for me.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, we re all human.
1
SPEAKER_00
Every once in a while, we might accidentally do one of these things.
1
SPEAKER_00
Fair enough.
1
SPEAKER_00
But they all fall under the category of negative cringe for me.
1
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
Now, what do they all have in common?
1
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Number one, their actions rooted in insecurity.
1
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I m starting to realize that that s the root of most bad behavior.
1
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Number two, lack of humility.
1
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A lot of these things lack a sense of humility, lack a sense of self-awareness.
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Number three, they re impulsive.
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A lot of these actions are impulsive, like you do these things without thinking.
1
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They re not well thought out.
1
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Four, they re not authentic to oneself.
1
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They re clearly not authentic.
1
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We have this innate sense in us.
1
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We can tell when someone s not being themselves.
1
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And we can t always pinpoint what it is, but we can feel it.
1
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And number five, out of touch, not self-aware.
1
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I mean, I kind of already said not self-aware, but I m saying it again, making it its own number, because I think it s that significant.
1
SPEAKER_00
A lot
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these are actions that people wouldn t probably do if they reflected on themselves and their lives a little bit harder.
2
SPEAKER_00
Now let s discuss scenarios that make me cringe in a positive way.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like harmless, sweet, innocent cringe.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I m cringing, but I still love you.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay?
2
SPEAKER_00
Someone overdressing for an event, but strutting around confidently in it.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like, yeah, they stick out like a sore thumb.
2
SPEAKER_00
Everyone s looking at them.
2
SPEAKER_00
They look a little bit weird, but they re owning it.
2
SPEAKER_00
That makes me cringe a little bit, but because they re owning it and because they re selling it, it actually makes me respect them.
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SPEAKER_00
someone who s dancing horribly at a party like imagine somebody standing in the corner at a party just dancing like a freak okay it s weird to watch it s actually kind of uncomfortable to watch they re in their own world they re deep in it it s cringy to watch but they re confident in their moves they re confident in their moves and they re having a good time and they re dancing for them they re dancing because they enjoy dancing
2
SPEAKER_00
It s cringe, but again, you have to respect it.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like you can t watch something like that and not feel a little bit of respect for them.
2
SPEAKER_00
Another example, when someone is interested in things that I find to be really weird.
2
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
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SPEAKER_00
For example,
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Let s say someone s obsessed with baby dolls and they love baby dolls so much that when they re home alone, they eat dinner with their baby dolls and they set up their baby dolls all around their table and they eat dinner with their baby dolls and they talk to them.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s a little cringe, right?
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SPEAKER_00
Because it s unusual to me.
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SPEAKER_00
I hear something like that and I m like, what?
2
SPEAKER_00
But if somebody can talk about those things to me and show me passion about them,
2
SPEAKER_00
I might cringe a little bit, but my cringe quickly gets replaced by curiosity and there s something endearing about someone who has a weird hobby or thing that they like.
2
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
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SPEAKER_00
Another example would be a couple
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who is inherently cringe, like their wedding photos are just overdone over the top, and it s cringe, and they constantly are participating in PDA, and they always post photos of each other on Instagram, but you can tell that they re doing it for them.
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SPEAKER_00
You can tell it has nothing to do with anyone else.
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You can just tell, you can feel in your core that they re doing it for them.
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SPEAKER_00
They re sharing it with the world because they re like, we don t know what else to do.
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SPEAKER_00
We don t know any other way to live.
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SPEAKER_00
We re so passionate about each other that there s no other way for us to take wedding photos, but to make them over the top.
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SPEAKER_00
There s no way for us to be in public without being all over each other.
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SPEAKER_00
Social media is about posting about your life.
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SPEAKER_00
I don t know what else to post about.
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SPEAKER_00
I m just in love with my Significant other you can tell when there are couples like that where it s just genuine love and obsession and it is cringe.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s so cringe It s like stop you guys.
2
SPEAKER_00
This is so cringe, but also don t stop because this is actually beautiful and rare You guys just genuinely are this obsessed with each other?
2
SPEAKER_00
You know what?
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SPEAKER_00
That s endearing.
2
SPEAKER_00
Enjoy it It s making me uncomfortable, but I can t help but be on your team
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SPEAKER_00
I could go on all day, but I can t make an entire episode of just examples of things.
2
SPEAKER_00
All of these things do undeniably make me cringe, but it s in a benign way.
2
SPEAKER_00
I think what all these things have in common is that even though they re uncool, they re weird, they re uncomfortable,
2
SPEAKER_00
They re genuine and there s confidence involved.
2
SPEAKER_00
They re not trying to be something that they re not.
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SPEAKER_00
And so even though the action in itself is cringe, it s received in a loving way because it s rooted in somebody being their authentic self.
2
SPEAKER_00
Now, here s the ultimate question, okay?
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Is it possible to never be cringe?
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I don t think so.
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I think that inevitably, we are all cringe sometimes.
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Let s say your goal is to never be cringe.
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So you act a certain way, you carry yourself a certain way in order to avoid being cringe.
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You re trying to do the coolest,
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trendiest, hottest things possible in order to fit in, be cool, et cetera, et cetera.
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Well, I don t think that that works because a lot of times that shit is cringe.
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If you re trying to be something that you re not, you will end up being cringe.
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Majority of the negatively cringey examples I had today were examples of people trying to be cool and it obviously not working because it s unnatural.
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So inevitably, if you re trying to be cool and trendy and whatever, you re gonna end up being negatively cringed sometimes, right?
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I think that that s inevitable.
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On the other hand, let s say you are dedicated to being completely yourself, quirks and all.
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You re still gonna be cringe, because we all have some weird shit about us, okay?
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That s also inevitable.
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However, the type of cringe that you will be is different.
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Based on the examples I listed today of positive cringe, if you re being completely yourself, quirks and all, you re still gonna be cringe, but you re gonna be cringe in a positive way.
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that s the worst case scenario.
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I think we all have to risk being cringe in order to be less cringe.
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When we re afraid of being cringe, we try too hard and then we re more cringe.
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If you surrender to the fact that we re all going to be cringe sometimes, but the way to be the least amount of cringe is to just be yourself quirks and all and just let it all out and
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You ll end up being less cringe at the end of the day.
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I don t know.
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I just, I think it s better to be completely yourself and be cringed sometimes because it s received well.
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I cringe at people that I love.
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People that I love cringe at me, but they re cringing at something that is genuinely, authentically me.
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And if anything, it makes them love me more and vice versa.
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I cringe about little quirks in people that I love.
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I m like, oh God, why are you doing that?
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But it s them though.
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They re confident in it.
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They own it.
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It s authentic to them.
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And over time, it actually becomes something that you love about the person.
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Does that make sense?
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I think when you accept that you will be cringe regardless, your fear of being cringe slowly starts to dissipate.
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Now, the reason why this is great is because then you can be more confident in who you are, which will then, ironically, make you less cringe because you will be being yourself.
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The fear of cringe makes you more cringe.
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The desire to be cool and to fit in makes you cringe.
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The acceptance of who you are as you are, quirks and all, makes you cooler and less cringe.
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It s so interesting.
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I think nobody s truly cool, you know?
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I made a whole episode about that, how nobody s actually cool.
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So if you want to listen to that, go listen to that.
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But everyone is cringe.
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Some people are just better at hiding it, but they re cringe too.
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I don t know.
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I don t know.
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Let me know what you think.
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This is all my opinion.
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This is all my analysis.
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Let me know your thoughts.
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You can shoot me a message on Instagram at anythinggoes.
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Follow the Instagram at anythinggoes.
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Follow my Instagram at Emma Chamberlain.
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Listen to new episodes of Anything Goes every Thursday and Sunday.
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Listen anywhere you stream podcasts, but watch video exclusively on Spotify.
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Check out my coffee company, ChamberlainCoffee.com.
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And that s all I have.
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That s all I have.
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Please let me know your thoughts.
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And hopefully, I ll get to talk to you soon.
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Okay, love you all.
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Talk to you soon.
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I m gonna go be positively cringe today.
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So, I don t know what that looks like yet, but I ll figure it out.
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Just the fact that I have a Stanley Cup two feet away from me right now is a little cringe.
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There s something cringe about that, but I love my Stanley Cup, so, and it s authentically me that I love this stupid cup.
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So, you know, like maybe that s how I ll be cringe today.
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Who knows?
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Anyway, okay, I love you all, and I appreciate you all, and thank you for listening and hanging out with me.
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It s always such a treat, and I ll be talking to you soon.
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Okay, love you.
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Have a beautiful day.
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TTYL.