0
SPEAKER_00
Welcome back to the base... Welcome back to the basement yard.
0
SPEAKER_00
Huh?
0
SPEAKER_00
No, no, no, no.
0
SPEAKER_00
I mean, you immediately pulled out your bicep because it s fucking rad.
0
SPEAKER_00
Also just wearing that shirt and it s kind of like folded.
0
SPEAKER_00
So it looks like a little cross-eyed.
0
SPEAKER_00
Which side is me?
0
SPEAKER_00
We look very similar.
0
SPEAKER_00
I know, I know, I know.
0
SPEAKER_00
Your side is obviously the green eyed one because you re a green eyed girl.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I wish I had that skin tone.
0
SPEAKER_00
Uh, yeah, you don t.
0
SPEAKER_00
Like a nice tan.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, this gave us the same skin tone.
0
SPEAKER_00
Not, not, yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
And like, even when I, during the winter months when I m a little more, you know, pale.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
You say fair, but I don t like that terminology.
0
SPEAKER_00
It seems.
0
SPEAKER_00
Your skin is fair.
0
SPEAKER_00
Dated, yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
And yours is unfair.
0
SPEAKER_00
Unfair skin.
0
SPEAKER_00
I don t, I don t, it seems.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s not fair.
0
SPEAKER_00
It seems a little dated.
0
SPEAKER_00
Uh, even at my lightest, I m not that.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
I m not that.
0
SPEAKER_00
I get it.
0
SPEAKER_00
Pointing feels like don t, you know?
0
SPEAKER_00
Well, I m not that.
0
SPEAKER_00
I m not that fucking disgusting mess.
0
SPEAKER_00
Your skin.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
What are you looking at?
0
SPEAKER_00
You re looking at me.
0
SPEAKER_00
Why are you looking at me?
0
SPEAKER_00
I m just looking at you.
0
SPEAKER_00
I know, but I don t like when you look at me.
0
SPEAKER_00
I ve said it once and I ll say it again.
0
SPEAKER_00
I am jealous of your gray hair.
0
SPEAKER_00
I want them.
0
SPEAKER_00
I want gray hairs.
0
SPEAKER_00
No.
0
SPEAKER_00
And you re really committing to this kind of like shaved bush mustache.
0
SPEAKER_00
I know, I don t know.
0
SPEAKER_00
You look good.
0
SPEAKER_00
Every time I try to, now you re making me look at myself.
0
SPEAKER_00
Don t look at yourself.
0
SPEAKER_00
You look great.
0
SPEAKER_00
I think you look awesome.
0
SPEAKER_00
I think you look great.
0
SPEAKER_00
I do have the hair, the silvers going.
0
SPEAKER_00
The silvers are cool.
0
SPEAKER_00
And they re silver, not gray.
0
SPEAKER_00
No, they re gray.
0
SPEAKER_00
Stop.
0
SPEAKER_00
They re gray.
0
SPEAKER_00
I wish, because like, look at me.
0
SPEAKER_00
You want to have like the Paulie Walnuts?
0
SPEAKER_00
I want, I kind of do.
0
SPEAKER_00
I want the Mr. Fantastic, you know, like gray sides.
0
SPEAKER_00
Mr. Fantastic?
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, well, maybe if you put your fucking nose in any other form of media.
0
SPEAKER_00
Sorry that I didn t.
0
SPEAKER_00
I don t read your comic books.
0
SPEAKER_00
The Fantastic Four.
0
SPEAKER_00
Well, you knew where Mr. Fantastic was from.
0
SPEAKER_00
So you know something there, bitch.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I didn t know that.
0
SPEAKER_00
He s got the side streak.
0
SPEAKER_00
And he s getting played the new movie by my twin, Pedro Pascal.
0
SPEAKER_00
I thought it was John Krasinski.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, I look like him too?
0
SPEAKER_00
All right.
0
SPEAKER_00
Well, I guess I ll take it.
0
SPEAKER_00
Wasn t he Mr. Fantastic?
0
SPEAKER_00
He was in the Dr. Strange movie, but they re not continuing that casting.
0
SPEAKER_00
They did a new casting and they just announced all of it.
0
SPEAKER_00
I can t keep up with your inability to follow this stuff.
0
SPEAKER_00
I also could care less.
0
SPEAKER_00
Honestly, the whole sentence hurt me.
0
SPEAKER_00
Are you going to huck a loogie in here?
0
SPEAKER_00
I have something in my throat.
0
SPEAKER_00
Frankie, don t you dare spit on the ground!
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay, alright, okay.
0
SPEAKER_00
What am I supposed to do then?
0
SPEAKER_00
This kid.
0
SPEAKER_00
Um, I have a question, by the way.
0
SPEAKER_00
I thought- I thought about this coming out of my sleep.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, boy.
0
SPEAKER_00
Joey, for those of you guys who don t know- No, no, no.
0
SPEAKER_00
This is a good question.
0
SPEAKER_00
Joey sleeps weird.
0
SPEAKER_00
Frank, this is a good question.
0
SPEAKER_00
Well, he sleeps with his hands on his fucking cock and balls.
0
SPEAKER_00
Someone is gonna want to steal them in the night.
0
SPEAKER_00
No one wants your dumbass balls.
0
SPEAKER_00
This is a good question.
0
SPEAKER_00
And I need you to think about it.
0
SPEAKER_00
Don t be, like, crazy off the bat.
0
SPEAKER_00
I m gonna- No, no, no.
0
SPEAKER_00
Hold on.
0
SPEAKER_00
I m gonna think about- Shut up!
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_00
Do birds piss?
0
SPEAKER_00
I ve never seen bird piss.
0
SPEAKER_00
You see bird shit.
0
SPEAKER_00
But birds have cocks, don t they?
0
SPEAKER_00
How do they do sexes?
0
SPEAKER_00
Do they piss?
0
SPEAKER_00
Because I ve never seen piss.
0
SPEAKER_00
I ve seen bird shit.
0
SPEAKER_00
But where is the piss?
0
SPEAKER_00
I have seen bird shit an uncomfortable amount.
0
SPEAKER_00
Also, most times I make eye contact with dogs is when they re pooping.
0
SPEAKER_00
I don t like that.
0
SPEAKER_00
Do birds pee-pee?
0
SPEAKER_00
Yes, the answer is yes they do.
0
SPEAKER_00
But where and when?
0
SPEAKER_00
We would have seen piss.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s like catching like you know like when people have like those wildlife cameras and they ll be like oh look we caught a skinwalker or we caught like an animal that we thought to be extinct for you know 80 years.
0
SPEAKER_00
No one has video or footage.
0
SPEAKER_00
No one talks about bird piss.
0
SPEAKER_00
Of a pissing bird.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
Getting crapped on by a bird is sad.
0
SPEAKER_00
Bro, there was a kid that we grew up knowing, this kid Sebastian.
0
SPEAKER_00
I was at the park with him.
0
SPEAKER_00
Knowing is loose.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
He tried to fight Joey.
0
SPEAKER_00
He did try to fight me one day.
0
SPEAKER_00
And we had to set the record straight and say, you re not going to fight him.
0
SPEAKER_00
He told me, fuck you.
0
SPEAKER_00
And I said, no.
0
SPEAKER_00
No.
0
SPEAKER_00
That was my reaction.
0
SPEAKER_00
And then he,
0
SPEAKER_00
rode to the middle of the street, threw his bike on the ground, and walked around it in protest of you.
0
SPEAKER_00
You remember that?
0
SPEAKER_00
I do remember that.
0
SPEAKER_00
This guy.
0
SPEAKER_00
He also lived in a half house.
0
SPEAKER_00
Now you re giving away too much information, though.
0
SPEAKER_00
It wasn t a halfway house.
0
SPEAKER_00
His address had a half in it.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, which is something... You gave us something to make fun of you for, dude.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, when you re kids, it s crazy.
0
SPEAKER_00
Fuck your... Fuck... Like, come on.
0
SPEAKER_00
You can t do that.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay, the reason why I even brought him up is because I saw... I was at the park and a bird shit on his face.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, yeah, this kid has been losing since 1996 let me tell you but the reason but I m saying I you ve heard of like all of a bird poops on you it s like good luck or whatever but like What about piss bro?
0
SPEAKER_00
No piss I would say that s more but that s more good luck.
0
SPEAKER_00
There isn t piss.
0
SPEAKER_00
That s the point No, there is piss.
0
SPEAKER_00
Where is it?
0
SPEAKER_00
Have you ever seen it?
0
SPEAKER_00
No, so what happens to it?
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh
0
SPEAKER_00
It gets in the air.
0
SPEAKER_00
Like, you ever been walking and you randomly feel like, you re like, did I just get wet?
0
SPEAKER_00
Like a droplet of water hit my arm or something?
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, if you re walking under the train.
0
SPEAKER_00
No, that happens in the, in the big blue sky.
0
SPEAKER_00
No, it doesn t.
0
SPEAKER_00
Maybe sometimes it s bird pee pee.
0
SPEAKER_00
Or maybe it s rain.
0
SPEAKER_00
Rain?
0
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
0
SPEAKER_00
But it s way less crazy than bird pee pee.
0
SPEAKER_00
I didn t look it up because I don t know.
0
SPEAKER_00
Birds obviously piss, Joey.
0
SPEAKER_00
They have, so, so hear me out.
0
SPEAKER_00
They have dicks.
0
SPEAKER_00
They have- Do they?
0
SPEAKER_00
They have dicks.
0
SPEAKER_00
I ve never seen it!
0
SPEAKER_00
They have burginas.
0
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if they have, like, traditional wieners.
0
SPEAKER_00
They may have some other thing going on.
0
SPEAKER_00
Well, ducks!
0
SPEAKER_00
Corkscrew cocks!
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, they do have corkscrew penises.
0
SPEAKER_00
Ducks got corkscrew cocks.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
Go ahead.
0
SPEAKER_00
Where do you want me to Google?
0
SPEAKER_00
I don t want you to Google anything.
0
SPEAKER_00
I know you re gonna Google- Do birds piss.
0
SPEAKER_00
Do me a favor.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
Don t Google that.
0
SPEAKER_00
Just go straight for what I imagine would be the coolest bird penis.
0
SPEAKER_00
And that would be an eagle.
0
SPEAKER_00
eagle dick eagle penis no dick no dick um yeah uh walk me through what you re seeing here babe
0
SPEAKER_00
You remember in Spongebob where the old lady who was like, chocolate.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
And she was just like a thing and then like a spine.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yep.
0
SPEAKER_00
That, that looks like a goose s.
0
SPEAKER_00
I assume this is a penis.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
Wait, do, let me just, do eagles have a penis?
0
SPEAKER_00
Eagle penis.
0
SPEAKER_00
Eagle penis.
0
SPEAKER_00
Cool penis.
0
SPEAKER_00
They don t have them.
0
SPEAKER_00
Most birds don t.
0
SPEAKER_00
There are almost 10,000 species of birds and only around 3% of them have a penis.
0
SPEAKER_00
Wait, whoa, whoa.
0
SPEAKER_00
What the fuck?
0
SPEAKER_00
Penisless.
0
SPEAKER_00
No penis.
0
SPEAKER_00
Dickless birds.
0
SPEAKER_00
I don t like this.
0
SPEAKER_00
These include ducks.
0
SPEAKER_00
Ducks, no.
0
SPEAKER_00
Geese.
0
SPEAKER_00
No, we saw ducks cocks.
0
SPEAKER_00
We saw the corkscrew cock.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, this might be the ones that have them.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, those are the ones that have them.
0
SPEAKER_00
Ducks, geese, swans.
0
SPEAKER_00
Okay, I just want to make sure.
0
SPEAKER_00
You re throwing a lot at me today, Joey.
0
SPEAKER_00
Ostriches and emus, dog.
0
SPEAKER_00
Penis, penis birds.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, of course.
0
SPEAKER_00
Ostrich, ostrich, big dick energy.
0
SPEAKER_00
We know that.
0
SPEAKER_00
Eagles, no penis.
0
SPEAKER_00
Wild.
0
SPEAKER_00
This country s national bird doesn t even have a penis!
0
SPEAKER_00
YOU FUCKING DUMB AMERICANS!
0
SPEAKER_00
Flamingos, no penis.
0
SPEAKER_00
That makes sense.
0
SPEAKER_00
Knees though, they got knees.
0
SPEAKER_00
They got legs.
0
SPEAKER_00
They got crazy knees.
0
SPEAKER_00
They got legs for days, dude.
0
SPEAKER_00
Penguins, no penis.
0
SPEAKER_00
Kinda makes sense.
0
SPEAKER_00
They can t fly, they got no dicks, they re just losers out there.
0
SPEAKER_00
I love penguins, don t even.
0
SPEAKER_00
Albatrosses?
0
SPEAKER_00
Don t even know what they look like.
0
SPEAKER_00
What the hell is that?
0
SPEAKER_00
What the hell is that?
0
SPEAKER_00
Is that a car?
0
SPEAKER_00
It is a bird.
0
SPEAKER_00
That s a car, Joey.
0
SPEAKER_00
No, it s a bird, but I don t know.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s not a bird.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, wait.
0
SPEAKER_00
This says have completely lost their penis.
0
SPEAKER_00
So where did they go?
0
SPEAKER_00
Maybe they had one at one time, but then evolution took them away.
0
SPEAKER_00
Bro, if Darwin never told me you can lose your dick.
0
SPEAKER_00
If you don t use it, you lose it.
0
SPEAKER_00
Dude, this is kind of crazy.
0
SPEAKER_00
Listen, we need a zoologist.
0
SPEAKER_00
Now I got to look up if they piss.
0
SPEAKER_00
Well, I have to imagine.
0
SPEAKER_00
So now, now we re talking about this.
0
SPEAKER_00
How do, how do, how do, how do preggies, how do female birds get pregnant?
0
SPEAKER_00
The birds do the dance.
0
SPEAKER_00
That s the big thing.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s like birds, like guy birds are just like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
0
SPEAKER_00
And then girls are just like, all right, come on over.
0
SPEAKER_00
But then if they don t got dicks, what do they do to do to do to?
0
SPEAKER_00
I think they have something else.
0
SPEAKER_00
That s like, like a, well, like fingers.
0
SPEAKER_00
We don t want that.
0
SPEAKER_00
No, like, it s probably just like a, like a tube or something.
0
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
0
SPEAKER_00
I honestly don t know.
0
SPEAKER_00
What is a penis if not a tube?
0
SPEAKER_00
It s fair.
0
SPEAKER_00
They are to be somewhere a little longer something like Joey for first.
0
SPEAKER_00
It was a straw But where are you with the bird piss now now now honestly, I don t know cuz birds couldn t chipped and They drink a lot of fluids
0
SPEAKER_00
Do they?
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, you see birds drinking water all the time.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I guess.
0
SPEAKER_00
What about hummingbirds?
0
SPEAKER_00
They suck the nectar out of those shits.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
0
SPEAKER_00
Hold on.
0
SPEAKER_00
Do birds piss?
0
SPEAKER_00
I don t like this question.
0
SPEAKER_00
Mainly because no, they don t.
0
SPEAKER_00
Birds do not release urine from the body through an opening at the end of a urethra.
0
SPEAKER_00
Once the urine passes through the uterus to reach the
1
SPEAKER_00
So they got uteruses, but they got some chamber the urine and feces mixed together So it s that s why they got wet crap.
1
SPEAKER_00
They got wet crap because it s piss and shit piss and crap So technically they do piss, but it s not their crap.
1
SPEAKER_00
So the yeah, it s piss with crap.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, they piss with their crap They crap out a cocktail of pee poop.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah That s crazy.
1
SPEAKER_00
So they do piss so but is that peeing though?
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh
1
SPEAKER_00
Of course it s pee pee.
1
SPEAKER_00
If I put Coca-Cola in a cup and I add water, what do you say you re drinking?
1
SPEAKER_00
A mixture of Coke and pee.
1
SPEAKER_00
When you have diarrhea, do you say, I m peeing?
1
SPEAKER_00
You do.
1
SPEAKER_00
No, I don t.
1
SPEAKER_00
You say you piss out your butt all the time, Joey.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s an expression.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, there s big butt pisser over there.
1
SPEAKER_00
If a scientist asked me, I d be like, I m not peeing.
1
SPEAKER_00
I am pooping.
1
SPEAKER_00
And I think actually diarrhea is the absence of an, it s like a, you have not enough water in your system that your body just spits it out your asshole.
1
SPEAKER_00
How does that make sense?
1
SPEAKER_00
Don t ask me.
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, we don t have to go down the diarrhea dark alley.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m talking about birds pissing.
1
SPEAKER_00
The dark alley of diarrhea is a dark, dirty place to be.
1
SPEAKER_00
You can say that twice.
1
SPEAKER_00
I will say it again.
1
SPEAKER_00
The dark, dirty place to be.
1
SPEAKER_00
But birds, they don t piss.
1
SPEAKER_00
It is piss, though.
1
SPEAKER_00
But it s not traditional piss, is my point.
1
SPEAKER_00
OK, traditional piss.
1
SPEAKER_00
But what s traditional piss?
1
SPEAKER_00
Human piss?
1
SPEAKER_00
Just because you pee a certain way makes it the tradition?
1
SPEAKER_00
Other animals piss, you idiot.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s what I m talking about.
1
SPEAKER_00
What animals don t piss, though?
1
SPEAKER_00
And birds have been here way- Dinosaurs were birds?
1
SPEAKER_00
Dinosaurs were pissing before animals were- Humans were pissing.
1
SPEAKER_00
Wow, that s true.
1
SPEAKER_00
Did T-Rexes piss?
1
SPEAKER_00
Technically, no.
1
SPEAKER_00
This show is so stupid.
1
SPEAKER_00
I think that they did because it s a mix.
1
SPEAKER_00
You ever see Jurassic Park 3?
1
SPEAKER_00
He bottles Jurassic- He bottles T-Rex pee.
1
SPEAKER_00
Does he?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yes, he does.
1
SPEAKER_00
A little kid that s lost on the island.
1
SPEAKER_00
There s a Spinosaurus coming for him.
1
SPEAKER_00
So maybe they do pee, I don t know.
1
SPEAKER_00
But the point remains, birds don t piss, and that s shocking to me.
1
SPEAKER_00
Nah, birds, they do pee, they just don t pee the way that you re finding it acceptable to pee.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s not that it s acceptable, I just- You said traditional, Joey.
1
SPEAKER_00
Traditional.
1
SPEAKER_00
Outside of the traditional, people would call that abnormal.
1
SPEAKER_00
So you re thinking that the way that they pee is an abnormal way.
1
SPEAKER_00
When I am sitting here and suggesting that birds existed before humans existed in some capacity.
1
SPEAKER_00
So maybe pissing their way was the norm, was the tradition.
1
SPEAKER_00
And then we came along with just these massive, huge dongs everywhere.
1
SPEAKER_00
People are just like, people are just like, oh, that s the way that we pee.
1
SPEAKER_00
Now this is the right way to pee now.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t like that.
1
SPEAKER_00
But the number of animals... Revisionist history.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s what you re doing right there.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t know how I m doing that.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m saying there s a lot of animals that pee like humans.
1
SPEAKER_00
Horses.
1
SPEAKER_00
Dogs.
1
SPEAKER_00
Horses piss.
1
SPEAKER_00
Cats.
1
SPEAKER_00
Cats... piss.
1
SPEAKER_00
Bro, cat piss is worse than human piss.
1
SPEAKER_00
I would rather my house be doused in gasoline than cat piss.
1
SPEAKER_00
You re basically, it s the same thing.
1
SPEAKER_00
Stinkiest piss.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s the stinkiest piss.
1
SPEAKER_00
Why is it so stinky piss?
1
SPEAKER_00
Because that s how they mark their territories.
1
SPEAKER_00
But like... And also, they don t pee like a stream.
1
SPEAKER_00
They, it s like a fucking, like, spray.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like, it s like for bees.
1
SPEAKER_00
What?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
1
SPEAKER_00
Cats pee spray?
1
SPEAKER_00
It s like...
1
SPEAKER_00
No, it s not.
1
SPEAKER_00
Bro, it s like if you fucking throw like a stun grenade in here, and it fucking pops and sprays everywhere.
1
SPEAKER_00
Wait, hold on.
1
SPEAKER_00
Now you have to look up- Be serious.
1
SPEAKER_00
They don t have streams of piss, they have a spray of piss?
1
SPEAKER_00
They can have streams, but mostly it s just like a spray.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s like a- Is it really?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, dude.
1
SPEAKER_00
Cat s piss.
1
SPEAKER_00
This is a big piss episode here.
1
SPEAKER_00
This is a big pee-pee episode.
1
SPEAKER_00
Wait.
1
SPEAKER_00
Look up Google cat piss.
1
SPEAKER_00
Cat piss spray.
1
SPEAKER_00
Google cat piss.
1
SPEAKER_00
Goo goo gaga, what are you saying?
1
SPEAKER_00
Let s just say gaggle coot piss.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh Now I m just getting sprays to mask the scent of cat piss, but I want to know how do cats pee?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I Think boy cats it s more like a stream because they got wangs There s two pictures
1
SPEAKER_00
Cats, oh it does look kind of sprayy Interesting I didn t know that dude animals dude from someone that had a cat their piss sucks.
1
SPEAKER_00
It does smell like this It s no it smells way worse than piss.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s like cigarettes.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know like it is it is you can t get it out You can t get out of your clothes, bro.
1
SPEAKER_00
I know you have a cat because you smell like a little piss Little piss did I smell like cat piss not no
1
SPEAKER_00
Sometimes.
1
SPEAKER_00
Did I smell like cat piss?
1
SPEAKER_00
Not all the time.
1
SPEAKER_00
Like if you re outside.
1
SPEAKER_00
Did I ever smell like cat piss?
1
SPEAKER_00
Sometimes I could smell some piss on you.
1
SPEAKER_00
Really?
1
SPEAKER_00
I know that I can smell that you have a cat.
1
SPEAKER_00
So if I can smell that you have a cat, I m assuming I m smelling piss.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s fair.
1
SPEAKER_00
This cat, we had a cat that pissed.
1
SPEAKER_00
It wasn t like.
1
SPEAKER_00
We had a cat that pissed.
1
SPEAKER_00
I didn t, it s not that you smelled like piss.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s you smell like a cat, which is like.
1
SPEAKER_00
Which kind of smells like a little like cat piss.
1
SPEAKER_00
That s what I m saying.
1
SPEAKER_00
That sucks.
1
SPEAKER_00
Some percentage of that is a urination.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m sorry you had to smell cat piss on me.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s okay.
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, so you agree.
1
SPEAKER_00
To what?
1
SPEAKER_00
It was a problem.
1
SPEAKER_00
No.
1
SPEAKER_00
So say that.
1
SPEAKER_00
It wasn t.
1
SPEAKER_00
You feel good?
1
SPEAKER_00
Say it wasn t a problem.
1
SPEAKER_00
Say it.
1
SPEAKER_00
Why?
1
SPEAKER_00
Say it.
1
SPEAKER_00
It wasn t a problem that you smelled like cat piss.
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, no, but see, that s not what I m asking you to say.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
No, it was only a small portion of the time.
1
SPEAKER_00
So, so there s a, so when, in addition to hating birds, cause they re rats with wings,
1
SPEAKER_00
Daryl I don t hate all birds.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t want to be on the same team.
1
SPEAKER_00
Well.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m not on the same team owls are sick sick Eagles fire birds of prey yeah vultures fuck those ugly bastards, and I fuck with crows kind of crows I do because they re kind of just like they do their own thing.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah Ravens
1
SPEAKER_00
Bro, I ve never seen a raven in real life.
1
SPEAKER_00
If I did, I d be, I d swear I was going to die that afternoon.
1
SPEAKER_00
I d be very scared as well.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know, it s like people are like, oh, you re afraid you saw a black cat.
1
SPEAKER_00
If I saw a raven, dude, I m gone.
1
SPEAKER_00
I also see black.
1
SPEAKER_00
It was like you see a black cat walk across the street, then it s bad luck.
1
SPEAKER_00
I ve seen that.
1
SPEAKER_00
I ve seen black cats my whole life.
1
SPEAKER_00
Maybe that maybe my life.
1
SPEAKER_00
Maybe we can t tell we ve had bad luck.
1
SPEAKER_00
Maybe our position of privilege is here and we could have had an even bigger one because we saw so many black cats that fucked us up.
1
SPEAKER_00
Or it s just like an old wives  tale.
1
SPEAKER_00
Which by the way, took me until age 27 to know that that s old wives.
1
SPEAKER_00
I thought it was an old wives  tale.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
We just spoke about this, I think.
1
SPEAKER_00
Just saying.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
Well, that s because your brain has physically, you know, not allowed you to see things outside of your own little box that you live in.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m sure it s a little box.
1
SPEAKER_00
Speaking of little box, I had Taco Bell not long ago.
1
SPEAKER_00
Dude, you just wanted to talk about Taco Bell.
1
SPEAKER_00
I said box, you re like speaking of boxes.
1
SPEAKER_00
Dude, Taco Bell.
1
SPEAKER_00
I had Taco Bell and it came in a box.
1
SPEAKER_00
Taco Bell.
1
SPEAKER_00
What d you get?
1
SPEAKER_00
I mean, you had your famous order.
1
SPEAKER_00
My famous order.
1
SPEAKER_00
Cheesy gordita grunge.
1
SPEAKER_00
Grunge?
1
SPEAKER_00
Who the hell?
1
SPEAKER_00
What happened to you?
1
SPEAKER_00
I will say this.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s like the Grinch, but in Taco Bell.
1
SPEAKER_00
What?
1
SPEAKER_00
TM, trademark, if they take this idea, they re stealing from us.
1
SPEAKER_00
if Taco Bell did like a limited time like Christmas thing and it was called like the Cheesy Gordita Grunge and it was all green.
1
SPEAKER_00
What do you think?
1
SPEAKER_00
You just fucking made a billion dollars with that stupid idea?
1
SPEAKER_00
Is that what you think?
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh.
1
SPEAKER_00
Green?
1
SPEAKER_00
Who wants to eat a green taco?
1
SPEAKER_00
That was like when the ketchup companies were like, make it purple.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t want that.
1
SPEAKER_00
I had it and it was good.
1
SPEAKER_00
I don t like that they bringing it back, and well I shouldn t say the color and they re not bringing the coloring back They re bringing back like a ton of flavored ketchup now like Heinz is doing like that s fine.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s like habanero Ketchup dill pickle ketchup those were good, but like just ketchup, but it s green bro.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m eating a green hot dog this looks disgusting oh Like you don t you can t get grossed out by those weren t green you wouldn t like them.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh
1
SPEAKER_00
No, I think I- You re going after hot dogs for their fucking appealing look, Joey?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
You want hot dogs because you know.
1
SPEAKER_00
No, I just don t want to eat something that s green, like rotten.
1
SPEAKER_00
Fucking something that s going to punch you in the mouth amount of meat.
1
SPEAKER_00
Jesus.
1
SPEAKER_00
Hot dogs, hot dogs, hot dogs.
1
SPEAKER_00
I know that, but like, you re like getting crazy with like your eyebrows are like, oh, hot dogs, man.
1
SPEAKER_00
You know, I can t talk about hot dogs and not be, you know, over the top.
1
SPEAKER_00
If Taco Bell released a hot dog,
1
SPEAKER_00
I m staying far away.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, really?
1
SPEAKER_00
That s a double damage right there.
1
SPEAKER_00
A fast food hot dog?
1
SPEAKER_00
I ve had all fast food hot dog.
1
SPEAKER_00
It was Sonic.
1
SPEAKER_00
Is there a slow food hot dog?
1
SPEAKER_00
It s all fast food, Frank.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s a hot dog, for God s sake.
1
SPEAKER_00
I ll say this.
1
SPEAKER_00
The worst hot dog I ve ever had in my life.
1
SPEAKER_00
Up there.
1
SPEAKER_00
One is that Sonic hot dog I had.
1
SPEAKER_00
Sorry, Sonic.
1
SPEAKER_00
You re not going to be brand ambassadors anymore.
1
SPEAKER_00
Is that the one where they have roller blades and they come out?
1
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
1
SPEAKER_00
I ve never seen the sonic like that in my life.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, I ve seen multiple and they re on skates and they re fucking on skates They re coming out like fucking twisting whipping and just like giving you a hot dog.
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, yeah, you d think but the hot dogs were not good but also the worst hot dog I ve ever had was my dad took us to a Colombian burger joint and
1
SPEAKER_00
Oh, I think you told me about this.
1
SPEAKER_00
Dude, it came out with like a slice of like cold deli ham and like mustard and I know people out there are just like, well, even forget about the mustard.
1
SPEAKER_00
Everything else was just, it made it so bad.
1
SPEAKER_00
It s good.
1
SPEAKER_00
This thing when I bit into
2
SPEAKER_00
That s where the bird piss went, into this fucking hot dog.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, how about the fact that you are going to a Colombian restaurant and ordering hot dogs?
2
SPEAKER_00
My dad told me it s a Columbia burger joint.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
And we went, it was a real place on Northern Boulevard in, I guess it was, I was gonna say Astoria, but it was Queens, Jackson Heights, probably, right?
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, or like Corona.
2
SPEAKER_00
East Elmhurst, Corona, whatever.
2
SPEAKER_00
It was called Ecstasis.
2
SPEAKER_01
Who?
2
SPEAKER_00
Ecstasis.
2
SPEAKER_00
What does that mean?
2
SPEAKER_00
I think it s ecstasy, but they sold hot dogs and hamburgers.
2
SPEAKER_00
Word of advice, if you ever go to a restaurant that is named after a drug, don t order their hot dogs or hamburgers.
2
SPEAKER_01
come on into cocaine get a hot dog yeah so uh bird piss i just blew your mind though i ll be honest with you not where i expected the episode to start off that s what i m saying like people think like i know i know that like sounds like a funny question but like when you really ask someone like yo but i don t do birds piss they re gonna be like yeah oh oh oh because because then they re like yes of course then you re like
2
SPEAKER_01
But where is the piss because it doesn t exist on the streets in the world piss in their butt.
2
SPEAKER_00
I they piss out their butt Because that s the route But honestly also wouldn t you kind of wish like if you like no, I like peeing let s use you as an example No, don t use me as you love to just kind of like anytime you sit down to use the toilet you like it s like a whole load of laundry s falling out your butt that s not so
2
SPEAKER_00
You might as well piss and shit out of the same place because it s just more efficient.
2
SPEAKER_00
Honestly.
2
SPEAKER_00
I like peeing though.
2
SPEAKER_00
Honestly, very efficient of birds.
2
SPEAKER_00
Everything all at the same time.
2
SPEAKER_00
It would cut time in half.
2
SPEAKER_01
Also, if they had wieners, they d be less aerodynamic because they would have a wiener.
2
SPEAKER_01
Hell yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
So that s probably why they re like smooth so they could.
2
SPEAKER_00
glide through the air.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s why they lost their dicks because big, big wind.
2
SPEAKER_01
They were probably all out of whack when they had wind.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
It s like, you know, when like they say, like, if you have a, which you probably shouldn t do this according to dermatologists, but when you have like a skin tag, people tie floss around it.
2
SPEAKER_01
You know, I ve, I ve done that.
2
SPEAKER_01
I used a nail clipper and clipped one once.
2
SPEAKER_01
That sucks.
2
SPEAKER_01
I forgot where it was.
2
SPEAKER_00
That sucks.
2
SPEAKER_01
I had one that was like on my thigh.
2
SPEAKER_00
I had one that I tied floss around it and it took two weeks and it was, it, it hurt so bad.
2
SPEAKER_00
I took a, I took it, um,
2
SPEAKER_01
Why can t I speak?
2
SPEAKER_01
I took a nail clipper and it hurt.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
And it bled a lot.
2
SPEAKER_01
It bled a lot.
2
SPEAKER_01
Dude, it was like someone shot me in the leg.
2
SPEAKER_01
There was blood pouring down my leg.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s crazy.
2
SPEAKER_00
I was like, what am I doing?
2
SPEAKER_00
Where was the skin tag?
2
SPEAKER_00
It was like on my thigh.
2
SPEAKER_00
You want to have your day ruined?
2
SPEAKER_00
Probably not.
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, I m gonna.
2
SPEAKER_00
Remember I was a big fan of Like the Viva La Bam Bam Margera, you know that that ever of fucking MTV Yeah, we were wearing like one of those.
2
SPEAKER_00
I was not wearing any any with the with the brim on it No, I was not wearing any at knees or what were the other brands that?
2
SPEAKER_00
famous anything Kira famous, you know anything that you could have bought at a fucking a
2
SPEAKER_01
How does this tie into skin tags?
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, his uncle famously was Don Vito.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
And there was an episode where he lifted his uncle s arm up and bro, the skin tags looked like Velcro.
2
SPEAKER_00
He had so many of them.
2
SPEAKER_01
What do you, oh.
2
SPEAKER_00
I gotta Google this now to show you.
2
SPEAKER_00
No, I don t wanna see it.
2
SPEAKER_00
You re Googling bird piss.
2
SPEAKER_00
Wait, why did he do that?
2
SPEAKER_00
Did he like cut them off?
2
SPEAKER_00
You re Googling bird piss.
2
SPEAKER_00
I m Googling Don Vito Viva La Bam skin tags.
2
SPEAKER_01
Did he, uh, did he like cut them off or something?
2
SPEAKER_00
Or he just like, I don t know, but it was gross, but no pictures of the skin tags, but good.
2
SPEAKER_00
No pictures of Don Vito.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Who doesn t not look like my dad.
2
SPEAKER_01
Kind of.
2
SPEAKER_00
Oh yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
He also got in trouble for some stuff who Don Vito, not your dad.
2
SPEAKER_01
I was like, what the fuck did my dad do?
2
SPEAKER_00
Your dad, maybe keep those two names away from each other.
2
SPEAKER_00
Got it.
2
SPEAKER_01
Some stuff.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_01
Why d you bring up Don Vito?
2
SPEAKER_00
The skin tags.
2
SPEAKER_00
I just said it.
2
SPEAKER_00
What do you mean why?
2
SPEAKER_01
So wait, when you did the floss thing, you re supposed to just leave it?
2
SPEAKER_01
You had a bowl?
2
SPEAKER_00
I left it, but they were like, every day tighten it a little more, and it fucking hurt, dude.
2
SPEAKER_00
It stung so bad.
2
SPEAKER_00
Why didn t you just cut it?
2
SPEAKER_00
Cause I was a bitch, dude.
2
SPEAKER_00
I was a little baby.
2
SPEAKER_00
You know, like I didn t want it, like that would have freaked me out.
2
SPEAKER_01
Did you tell anyone you were doing it?
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, Becca.
2
SPEAKER_00
She helped me do it.
2
SPEAKER_00
This was recently?
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
I thought this was when you were like fucking eight.
2
SPEAKER_00
You can still see the scar.
2
SPEAKER_00
Scar?
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh my God.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
It was a big bitch too.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like it wasn t like you were like, I ve had enough of this.
2
SPEAKER_00
I like one day it was, it was so small forever.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then one day I looked at it and I was like, ill.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
It looked like nuts hanging out.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like it was so uncomfortable.
2
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I said to Becca, I was like, I need to get rid of this thing.
2
SPEAKER_00
And she s like, well, you know, and we talked and we, and like, that s what people were doing.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I did it.
2
SPEAKER_00
And every day I would tighten a little, little more.
2
SPEAKER_00
Bro, for two weeks, what did it look like?
2
SPEAKER_01
Was it getting all like snow?
2
SPEAKER_00
It was bro for two weeks, nothing happened.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then the last day I woke up and it was just a pebble.
2
SPEAKER_00
Wait, I m confused.
2
SPEAKER_01
Oh, you do that and then it goes away?
2
SPEAKER_01
I thought it falls off.
2
SPEAKER_00
Well, it falls off.
2
SPEAKER_00
That s what I m saying.
2
SPEAKER_00
But like the idea is like you re cutting off circulation.
2
SPEAKER_00
So like gradually through time, it gets like worse and worse and worse and worse and worse.
2
SPEAKER_00
For two weeks, nothing happened.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then all of a sudden this thing was just dead one morning.
2
SPEAKER_00
Like it clung to life for fucking two weeks.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then the last day it was just like, all right, I m gone.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then it just went back in?
2
SPEAKER_00
And it was just, literally, it was like a little pebble.
2
SPEAKER_00
And I just like, it still hurt to touch it.
2
SPEAKER_00
And then I just fucking went, pang!
2
SPEAKER_00
And it just popped off.
2
SPEAKER_00
Are you blood?
2
SPEAKER_00
No blood.
2
SPEAKER_00
no blood no blood I was bleeding like crazy well because I you would you gradually it closed it off like you kind of like yeah I like I was just like oh it hurts so bad and I was like fuck it and I just like ah and it just cut it oh I ve done that to like warts when I was a kid I had gotten like warts on my feet oh you still always have war chill the fuck out
2
SPEAKER_00
Chill the fuck out, Joey.
2
SPEAKER_00
Chill the fuck out.
2
SPEAKER_00
You did though.
2
SPEAKER_00
No, I didn t.
2
SPEAKER_00
You still always have one.
2
SPEAKER_00
You had a big ward on your hand.
2
SPEAKER_00
I did and I got rid of it.
2
SPEAKER_00
Promptly.
2
SPEAKER_00
But it was white.
2
SPEAKER_00
Because I have... Do the ads.
2
SPEAKER_00
Do the ads.
2
SPEAKER_00
Do the ads.
2
SPEAKER_00
Do them and then we ll talk about this, Joey.
2
SPEAKER_00
Because I don t like you re trying to fucking defend me.
2
SPEAKER_00
You always has wards.
2
SPEAKER_00
As if I was walking around like some fucking troll or some gremlin.
2
SPEAKER_00
Fuck you.
2
SPEAKER_00
Do the ads.
2
SPEAKER_00
What do we got?
2
SPEAKER_01
Always had warts bro.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
2
SPEAKER_01
Did you have some spots?
2
SPEAKER_01
The first one being Squarespace.
2
SPEAKER_01
If you want to start a website, you re going to want to do so with Squarespace.
2
SPEAKER_01
Our website is built, is powered by Squarespace.
2
SPEAKER_01
And everyone that I know that has a website is powered by Squarespace.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s because they re the best.
2
SPEAKER_01
And also it makes it very easy to create your website with Squarespace.
2
SPEAKER_01
They have a bunch of templates that you can just, you know, click on and then you see, you can preview your website.
2
SPEAKER_01
All you have to do is switch out some text and some photos and then your website s kind of good to go.
2
SPEAKER_01
You no longer have to pay someone a bunch of money to code and do all these things.
2
SPEAKER_01
You re like, I don t even know how to make a website.
2
SPEAKER_01
Um, you can do it through Squarespace.
2
SPEAKER_01
So I suggest anyone who has a small business or is trying to promote their content or something in some way, uh, use Squarespace.
2
SPEAKER_01
They re the best at it.
2
SPEAKER_01
And they also have a bunch of tools that will help you, uh, you know, have, or optimize your traffic.
2
SPEAKER_01
You have to know where your traffic is coming from so you can make other decisions.
2
SPEAKER_01
Um, but yeah.
2
SPEAKER_01
Squarespace, right now you can go to squarespace.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.
2
SPEAKER_01
Uh, and also this podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp.
2
SPEAKER_01
BetterHelp is, uh, online therapy.
2
SPEAKER_01
Um, so if you want to talk to a licensed therapist, you can do so in just under 48 hours with BetterHelp.
2
SPEAKER_01
Uh, I ve had a lot of people also reach out to me and tell me they have like, uh, really good experience with BetterHelp.
2
SPEAKER_01
I actually had two girls approach me at a show, um, that we did and they were like, we re therapists and we appreciate you like being an advocate for therapy.
2
SPEAKER_01
you know, everything.
2
SPEAKER_01
And one of the biggest things I think, um, that kind of deters people away from therapy is how much it costs.
2
SPEAKER_01
So it is very costly.
2
SPEAKER_01
Um, but better help is a fraction of the price.
2
SPEAKER_01
And, um,
2
SPEAKER_01
we re gonna save you some more money on top of that as well.
2
SPEAKER_01
You can go to betterhelp.com slash basementyard today to get 10% off of your first month.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay, that is betterhelp.com slash basementyard to get started with your therapy journey today.
2
SPEAKER_01
All right, so I ve been in therapy for years.
2
SPEAKER_01
I think that everyone should be in it.
2
SPEAKER_01
I think that it s important to, you know, make time for yourself every single week or at least twice a month or something like that.
2
SPEAKER_01
So go to betterhelp.com
3
SPEAKER_01
slash basementyard to save 10% off your first month today.
3
SPEAKER_00
babying us.
3
SPEAKER_00
We are living off of the teat of all of the supporters that support us on Patreon.
3
SPEAKER_00
So thank you so much for going to patreon.com and signing up for that first tier.
3
SPEAKER_00
You get these weekly episodes one whole week in advance.
3
SPEAKER_00
That second tier, you get exclusive episodes every single Friday.
3
SPEAKER_00
So you start any week with The Basement Area.
3
SPEAKER_00
And while you re at it, folks,
3
SPEAKER_00
If you don t know how to go to Patreon.com slash TheBasementYard for some reason, go to TheBasementYard.com, which is our website.
3
SPEAKER_00
You ll find info on merch.
3
SPEAKER_00
You ll find info on upcoming shows.
3
SPEAKER_00
You ll find info on the Patreon.
3
SPEAKER_00
And also, you ll find info, specifically, Joey s social security number.
3
SPEAKER_00
If you don t want it, I ll give it to you.
3
SPEAKER_00
I got it for you.
3
SPEAKER_00
Uh, no, but if you re coming to any of the Basement Yard Experience shows, we re getting back after it.
3
SPEAKER_00
The boys are back at it.
3
SPEAKER_00
We re getting ready to go out into the wild and scream at the top of our lungs in front of a crowd of people.
3
SPEAKER_00
So, thank you for giving us the opportunity to do that, but also, we d like these shows to be a conversation.
3
SPEAKER_00
You know, we want you to talk to us.
3
SPEAKER_00
We want we to talk to you.
3
SPEAKER_00
When we ask you to talk to us, don t start screaming.
3
SPEAKER_00
We ll yell at you.
3
SPEAKER_00
We won t.
3
SPEAKER_00
But, go to TheBasementYard.com slash submit.
3
SPEAKER_00
Input what show you re coming to.
3
SPEAKER_00
and fill out a questionnaire.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s fun.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s happy.
3
SPEAKER_00
You know, we like to talk to you guys about some wild, crazy stuff.
3
SPEAKER_00
So go check it out at TheBasementYard.com slash submit, input what show you re coming to, and then also fill out the questionnaire and all that fun stuff.
3
SPEAKER_00
We ll see you at the shows.
3
SPEAKER_00
We re excited.
3
SPEAKER_00
We re getting ready to get back after it.
3
SPEAKER_00
We ll see you there.
3
SPEAKER_00
Joe.
3
SPEAKER_00
So back to it!
3
SPEAKER_01
Oh yeah, I forgot.
3
SPEAKER_00
I had warts twice as a kid.
3
SPEAKER_00
One was on the bottom of my foot that you never would have fucking saw in your entire life, you stupid dumb idiot.
3
SPEAKER_00
The other was right here.
3
SPEAKER_00
So don t say I had them all the time.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay, you want to talk about something?
3
SPEAKER_00
Answer this question.
3
SPEAKER_00
Hold on.
3
SPEAKER_00
But what you re, you re, you re fucking pitching me as some fucking gremlin gargoyle wart under fucking having under a fucking bridge.
3
SPEAKER_00
No, I m not.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m saying you had warts.
3
SPEAKER_00
I had, I had on my hand and I could still see the scar from it when it was fucking plucked off like a piece of salami.
3
SPEAKER_01
Love salami, hate those warts.
3
SPEAKER_01
But I will say this.
3
SPEAKER_01
Did you chew on your wart?
3
SPEAKER_00
Joey, I- Did you chew on it?
3
SPEAKER_00
Joey, chewing insinuates that there was some level of pleasure I was getting at it.
3
SPEAKER_00
When you mean did I take it and bite it and try to rip it out?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yes, I did that!
3
SPEAKER_00
He was chewing on his- I m not chewing like on gum!
3
SPEAKER_00
Don t- You would- Joey, I would throw this- Like a little rat!
3
SPEAKER_00
I would throw this cup at you as hard as I fucking could if my whole family s well-being didn t rely on it.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay?
3
SPEAKER_00
I
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, and I didn t chew on it like it was fucking bubble.
3
SPEAKER_00
You died it you died it though You died it bit it to to remove it and it came back like a bastard and yes I would freeze it because that s what you did when you got them you would fucking go to CVS or Rite Aid or Eckerd if you re nasty and you would fucking buy the little thing and you would freeze it didn t hurt and
3
SPEAKER_00
No But it got like it didn t work.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I had to go to a dermatologist and he just fucking bro.
3
SPEAKER_01
Did he cut your hand?
3
SPEAKER_00
I suppose mom took me to a dermatologist.
3
SPEAKER_00
Why?
3
SPEAKER_01
Where were your parents?
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know but took me to a dermatologist and he literally looked at my hand and
3
SPEAKER_00
And he goes, okay.
3
SPEAKER_00
Cause it was right here, right on the top of my thumb.
3
SPEAKER_00
I tried everything.
3
SPEAKER_00
Duct tape, Vaseline.
3
SPEAKER_00
Duct tape?
3
SPEAKER_00
People say like cover it in duct tape.
3
SPEAKER_00
It ll kill it.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then you can just rip it out.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like literally like, like starting a fucking war.
3
SPEAKER_00
Ew.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t even, now I don t know what warts are.
3
SPEAKER_01
I didn t know you could rip them out.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, of course.
3
SPEAKER_00
They re like viruses basically that just kind of show themselves and stuff like that.
3
SPEAKER_01
You know what I m picturing?
3
SPEAKER_01
You remember in Halo, the flood, the little ones?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
3
SPEAKER_01
The brains or whatever.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, kind of.
3
SPEAKER_00
But, but on a human skin.
3
SPEAKER_01
Right.
3
SPEAKER_00
Uh, and I went in and he was like, all right, we ll get rid of it.
3
SPEAKER_00
That day?
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, I was like, all right.
3
SPEAKER_00
And he goes, listen, I m going to numb it.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then I m going to do this thing to get rid of it.
3
SPEAKER_00
I was like, all right, numbed it with a cream.
3
SPEAKER_00
And he comes with a needle, which I m not, I don t mind needles.
3
SPEAKER_00
They don t bother me.
3
SPEAKER_00
You know, I m not a fucking fan, but like, I m not like a person that sees a needle and like passes out.
3
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
And he puts the cream on it, and he comes with the needle to poke it, and the cream numbed it.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I was like, oh, that was the number.
3
SPEAKER_00
This is probably injecting some medication to like kill it from the inside out or something.
3
SPEAKER_00
Cause that s the thing.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s like, you need to kill the roots, like a fucking weed.
3
SPEAKER_00
And he goes, all right.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I m like, oh, okay, done.
3
SPEAKER_00
And he goes, nope, just sit right there.
3
SPEAKER_00
He comes over with a scalpel, literally like butter, dude.
3
SPEAKER_00
He just went.
3
SPEAKER_00
Gone.
3
SPEAKER_00
He cut your finger?
3
SPEAKER_00
He cut... Gone.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, ew, so you just had like a hole in your hand?
3
SPEAKER_00
So I had a hole, and I, and what was crazy too, I don t know if this is going to bother you.
3
SPEAKER_00
Have you ever seen like big industrial, like electrical cables and they cut them in half and you see, it s really just a little, like a bunch of little cables in there.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
There s some like phobia that people have of like little small holes or something.
3
SPEAKER_00
I forgot what it s called.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay, but when he cut it I could see all the little holes of the of the of the the roots and Then like 30 seconds later.
3
SPEAKER_00
It started to bleed not even 30.
3
SPEAKER_01
Maybe like six or seven Wait, so how d you get all the those out?
3
SPEAKER_00
So he comes over, but I thought you were gonna say that you bit them out.
3
SPEAKER_00
No bitch he comes over and
3
SPEAKER_00
with this thing that kind of looks like a pick that people do for their teeth.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh my, this is way too much.
3
SPEAKER_00
You know when like people like the dentist have like that big metal hook and they go in and they like fucking destroy your gums and they re like bleeding, it s a bad idea.
3
SPEAKER_01
And it s like you just- The Grim Reaper thing.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
No, not a scythe, Joey.
3
SPEAKER_00
But he goes, all right.
3
SPEAKER_00
And he puts it over it and he presses a button.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s a cauterizer.
3
SPEAKER_00
So what it does is it burns it.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I m sitting there and I will, to this day, never forget the smell of my burning flesh as he is cauterizing the roots of this wart and gone, never came back.
3
SPEAKER_00
Haven t had one.
3
SPEAKER_00
Did it hurt?
3
SPEAKER_00
No, because it was all numb.
3
SPEAKER_00
Afterwards.
3
SPEAKER_00
It was a legit hole in my thumb and it was in the summer and I was told I couldn t go in the lake.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s devastating.
3
SPEAKER_00
You went into the lake.
3
SPEAKER_00
Right into the lake.
3
SPEAKER_00
Right into this lake.
3
SPEAKER_00
I would put like a fucking like, I put a, what s it called?
3
SPEAKER_00
Glove on.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like my dad always had like latex gloves for like work.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I d put one of those on and literally would duct tape to my skin around it.
3
SPEAKER_00
And then when I got out of the water, it got wet every time.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m picturing you as a kid playing in water with a yellow, duct-taped, gloved hand.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
We d go tubing, everything.
3
SPEAKER_00
And when I d come out of the water, I d douse this thing in hydrogen peroxide.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
And it didn t get affected.
3
SPEAKER_00
It hasn t come back since, so.
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, Frank s covered in warts, everyone.
3
SPEAKER_01
No!
3
SPEAKER_01
And what was the one on your foot?
3
SPEAKER_01
How d you get rid of that?
3
SPEAKER_00
That s a great question.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t remember.
3
SPEAKER_00
How do you get a wart?
3
SPEAKER_00
It s like a virus.
3
SPEAKER_00
You catch it from someone else that has warts.
3
SPEAKER_00
Got it.
3
SPEAKER_00
So who are you sticking your foot in?
3
SPEAKER_00
Well, Joey.
3
SPEAKER_00
Nobody, dude.
3
SPEAKER_00
I do remember there was a fucking dirty dumpster idiot in our neighborhood that had them on his hand and like dapped me up.
3
SPEAKER_00
And after I dapped him up, I saw it and I was like, fuck, now I get wart.
3
SPEAKER_00
Is that how you get it?
3
SPEAKER_00
Skin contact.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
Huh.
3
SPEAKER_01
Well.
3
SPEAKER_01
That s that, I guess.
3
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
3
SPEAKER_01
Anyway, I wanted to talk about the portal.
3
SPEAKER_01
There s a portal now.
3
SPEAKER_01
Where is it?
3
SPEAKER_01
Times Square?
3
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t know if it s in Times Square, but it s between us and Ireland.
3
SPEAKER_00
In Dublin, right?
3
SPEAKER_00
Dublin.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
3
SPEAKER_00
You gotta say it right.
3
SPEAKER_01
Dublin.
3
SPEAKER_00
They re your people.
3
SPEAKER_00
You might as well give them some fucking respect.
3
SPEAKER_01
I m trying here.
3
SPEAKER_00
Dublin, Ireland.
3
SPEAKER_01
Dublin.
3
SPEAKER_01
But there s like a portal where it s like a live feed between Dublin and New York.
3
SPEAKER_01
Who thought this was going to go well?
3
SPEAKER_01
Dudes.
3
SPEAKER_00
It was done by you police something it was done by like well the police it was done by some like Irish artist who was just like it s like an art installation, and it s like oh, I m going to I can t do yeah, it s okay.
3
SPEAKER_00
I can t I can t um No, I don t try don t try but like I
3
SPEAKER_00
Dude, have you not seen enough side talk NYC videos to know this would be a bad idea well to be fair They did it to us first from what I saw I saw a video of them like putting up a picture of 9-eleven You didn t see that I Did I did I did yeah, I saw the one where like some woman just threw her tits out.
3
SPEAKER_00
Oh, I didn t see that
4
SPEAKER_00
Not cool tits.
4
SPEAKER_00
Not sick ones.
4
SPEAKER_00
Was that in New York or in Dublin?
4
SPEAKER_00
In Dublin.
4
SPEAKER_00
Dublin tits.
4
SPEAKER_00
Basically the New York one is just all people throwing up gang signs and shit.
4
SPEAKER_00
My understanding is the part of New York where they put it in, there s a ton of homeless people around there.
4
SPEAKER_00
I think both areas have an issue with the homeless.
4
SPEAKER_00
So like, it s just a lot of homeless people on it now.
4
SPEAKER_00
People mooning.
4
SPEAKER_00
I mean, dude, if there s a portal, a live thing, like what do you think is going to happen?
4
SPEAKER_00
You remember when Shia LaBeouf did that thing in Astoria?
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
He will not divide us.
4
SPEAKER_00
And it was a live feed at all times at this one place.
4
SPEAKER_00
And people would just show up and do the weirdest shit.
4
SPEAKER_00
Some of our friends showed up.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Some of our friends showed up to just like dap them up.
4
SPEAKER_00
And it s not like it was like roped off and like security.
4
SPEAKER_00
You just walk right up.
4
SPEAKER_00
Bro, he was just standing there.
4
SPEAKER_00
So people were just doing like the weirdest shit on this thing.
4
SPEAKER_00
And it s like, obviously this is going to go bad.
4
SPEAKER_00
Well, when you, the internet has become so like, when you try to do something in the sake of trying to do it good, like, like something like that, because the idea of the art installation is wholesome.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
But the internet is going to tear you to absolute shreds.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
A woman s going to walk over and be like, I m going to pull out these dublish, dublish, Irish, I guess, New Yorkers, Dubliners.
4
SPEAKER_00
Dublish?
4
SPEAKER_00
Dubbies?
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s probably, not to be confused with Dolby.
4
SPEAKER_00
My favorite house elf, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
R.I.P.
4
SPEAKER_00
by the way.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I mean, don t give it away.
4
SPEAKER_00
Sorry, I m giving it away from a property.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, she was devastating.
4
SPEAKER_00
One of the saddest deaths in a movie ever, honestly.
4
SPEAKER_00
Bro.
4
SPEAKER_00
That, my dog Skip.
4
SPEAKER_00
Joey, for some reason, is the only person that cares about.
4
SPEAKER_00
Marley and me?
4
SPEAKER_00
Have you ever seen Marley and me?
4
SPEAKER_00
Fuck that movie.
4
SPEAKER_00
Marley and me?
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Why?
4
SPEAKER_00
Why put that to film?
4
SPEAKER_00
Why?
4
SPEAKER_00
What is the point?
4
SPEAKER_00
I guess to make people who don t own dogs Understand why it hurts so bad.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, because because people that don t own dogs don t feel anything ever, right?
4
SPEAKER_00
I mean, it s okay I don t have a child.
4
SPEAKER_00
So do I know what having children is like?
4
SPEAKER_00
No, but at least At least you could fucking like imagine it Yeah
4
SPEAKER_00
Bro, now having children, dogs, I ll fucking shoot a dog in the mouth right now.
4
SPEAKER_00
Why?
4
SPEAKER_00
I won t do that.
4
SPEAKER_00
I won t.
4
SPEAKER_00
I m not.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I will kill you.
4
SPEAKER_00
Shoot my dog?
4
SPEAKER_00
Fucking relax.
4
SPEAKER_00
I ll fucking beat your dog with a pipe.
4
SPEAKER_00
Frank, that would be the last thing you ever do.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah?
4
SPEAKER_00
Would you kill me over hurting your dog?
4
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_00
Really?
4
SPEAKER_00
If you killed my dog.
4
SPEAKER_00
I would never kill your dog.
4
SPEAKER_00
I d hurt it.
4
SPEAKER_00
If you- I wouldn t.
4
SPEAKER_00
This is not- I don t like this conversation.
4
SPEAKER_00
This is not funny.
4
SPEAKER_00
But like, hypothetically.
4
SPEAKER_00
There are people that actually do this and it s not funny.
4
SPEAKER_00
Punched my dog, I would go insane.
4
SPEAKER_00
More than three times.
4
SPEAKER_00
Nah, you wouldn t.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh, if I punch a dog once, you re cool with it?
4
SPEAKER_00
Like if you were like, yo, and just fucking hit him, and he like squeaked, just squeaking, bro.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, like nah.
4
SPEAKER_00
We ain t squeaking around here, okay?
4
SPEAKER_00
Nobody squeaks my dog.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s why the fucking My Dog Skip thing.
4
SPEAKER_00
He hit the fucking dog with a shovel and the dog survived?
4
SPEAKER_00
What the fuck?
4
SPEAKER_00
Dogs are pretty resilient, dude.
4
SPEAKER_00
Not with shovels!
4
SPEAKER_00
If you hit me with a shovel hard enough, I m gonna go down.
4
SPEAKER_00
Well, that was a dumb little dog, too.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like, he probably should have died.
4
SPEAKER_00
That dog was driving at one point in that movie.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s a, it s a good dog.
4
SPEAKER_00
Skip.
4
SPEAKER_00
We went and saw that the story is the tale is all the time.
4
SPEAKER_00
Went to see it for Joey s second grade birthday.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yep.
4
SPEAKER_00
Birthday party.
4
SPEAKER_00
And Frankie cried.
4
SPEAKER_00
I cried.
4
SPEAKER_00
I think I cried as, Oh, I cried at the movie.
4
SPEAKER_00
I, I cried.
4
SPEAKER_00
Cause I told the girl that I liked that I called her gay.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then she was like, what the hell?
4
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, that was mean.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I cried about it.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s how you learn.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s how you learn in third grade shots.
4
SPEAKER_00
Miss Pogrebin.
4
SPEAKER_00
That was actually I believe it was second grade.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh miss Macchio then 1999.
4
SPEAKER_00
She was not a fan of ours You know, what s crazy is my mom recently told me it was like so my mom came to one show the New Haven show so far.
4
SPEAKER_00
Thanks, ma And she said I don t know if I ever told you this but
4
SPEAKER_00
When you were in second grade, you kept, you and Joey kept getting in trouble for talking and making people laugh in class.
4
SPEAKER_00
And she s like, this is like an actual wholesome moment here.
4
SPEAKER_00
So sorry, we ll get right back to, you know, hitting dogs with shovels.
4
SPEAKER_00
And she goes,
4
SPEAKER_00
I remember I was so like kind of worked up that like you weren t listening and getting in trouble and stuff like that.
4
SPEAKER_00
And Miss Macchio said like about us, mainly more about me because I don t remember if she specified you, but like you were in trouble with me.
4
SPEAKER_00
So probably us.
4
SPEAKER_00
And it was like, Nance, this kid is going to do something and like be on stage.
4
SPEAKER_00
Miss Macchio?
4
SPEAKER_00
Miss Macchio, the old dirtbag.
4
SPEAKER_00
Wild way to describe her.
4
SPEAKER_00
But she was very mean.
4
SPEAKER_00
Was mean and old.
4
SPEAKER_00
Was definitely old.
4
SPEAKER_00
Definitely old.
4
SPEAKER_00
So like, we can call it.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s crazy.
4
SPEAKER_00
She said that?
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, isn t that crazy?
4
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
4
SPEAKER_00
That s wild, right?
4
SPEAKER_00
Interesting.
4
SPEAKER_00
I remember she flipped out on me multiple times.
4
SPEAKER_00
She flipped out on me because I called our friend Ricardo s water bottle a nipple and told him sucking on it was like sucking on a titty.
4
SPEAKER_00
The things you remember, man.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t remember that.
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
I do remember though.
4
SPEAKER_00
Remember there was like, there was this kid from India that came to our class like late.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t remember his name.
4
SPEAKER_00
It wasn t the famous one, Pooja.
4
SPEAKER_00
That was third grade.
4
SPEAKER_00
No, this was a guy.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
And like, I remember he came to, he might ve showed up in like October.
4
SPEAKER_00
So it was like a month we were in school already.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I remember I was like, you know what, I m going to do something nice.
4
SPEAKER_00
And it was like, partner up with somebody in the class.
4
SPEAKER_00
You picked him.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, oh, my partner.
4
SPEAKER_00
So I was like, hey, man, you want to be my partner?
4
SPEAKER_00
Did I get him like associated?
4
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
4
SPEAKER_00
Get him acclimated.
4
SPEAKER_00
And we like everything was fine.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then it was later that day, I think.
4
SPEAKER_00
It was like, oh, pick a partner.
4
SPEAKER_00
So I kind of looked over at him and I was like, and he just went with someone else.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, dude!
4
SPEAKER_00
What an absolute bastard.
4
SPEAKER_00
Who did he go with?
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t remember.
4
SPEAKER_00
But I remember being like, bro, I was trying to be nice and now you re doing this to me!
4
SPEAKER_00
What an absolute bastard.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then I was just by myself.
4
SPEAKER_00
Well, I would never leave you by yourself.
4
SPEAKER_00
I know, but you re on the other side of the room.
4
SPEAKER_00
You have an A, I have an S. I m all the way back here.
4
SPEAKER_00
You re over there.
4
SPEAKER_00
That was true.
4
SPEAKER_00
That was true.
4
SPEAKER_00
And also they kept us apart for very specific reasons.
4
SPEAKER_00
Which I can t really remember.
4
SPEAKER_00
The one, since we re talking about Miss Macchio, I know, you gotta get to the ads, shut up.
4
SPEAKER_00
Was the famous story, and I don t know if people remember it, or if we ve really told it, is the... When I called a girl in our class Judge Judy.
4
SPEAKER_00
What?
4
SPEAKER_00
You and I were at lunch and something happened.
4
SPEAKER_00
You know, we were fucking around with our friends laughing.
4
SPEAKER_00
Ha ha.
4
SPEAKER_00
He he s.
4
SPEAKER_00
And one of the girls like said, like, that s mean.
4
SPEAKER_00
Like basically we probably said something, making fun of somebody else.
4
SPEAKER_00
And like, they like stood up for someone or something along those lines.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I was like, all right, judge Judy.
4
SPEAKER_00
And you fucking lost it.
4
SPEAKER_00
Me?
4
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
4
SPEAKER_00
Laughing?
4
SPEAKER_00
Hysterical.
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
4
SPEAKER_00
And she got upset and the rest of the girls, because this is at the time when second grade, 1999, if you were friends with girls, guess what that made you?
4
SPEAKER_00
A girl.
4
SPEAKER_00
Gay, dude.
4
SPEAKER_00
That too.
4
SPEAKER_00
And all the girls started yelling at us.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t remember this.
4
SPEAKER_00
And it was at lunch and we got in trouble.
4
SPEAKER_00
And then Miss Macchio, back in the class after lunch was like, let s figure out what happened.
4
SPEAKER_00
And it was like,
4
SPEAKER_00
How do you remember?
4
SPEAKER_00
I remember this, bro, so clearly.
4
SPEAKER_00
I even remember where you and I were sitting and she s like, what happened?
4
SPEAKER_00
And as it, as she said, what happened?
4
SPEAKER_00
All the girls at once started talking.
4
SPEAKER_00
Every single one of them started talking.
4
SPEAKER_00
Meanwhile, I m getting roped into this.
4
SPEAKER_00
All I did was laugh.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I look over at you and they re yelling at me and us.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I went, nah.
4
SPEAKER_00
I do remember this actually and we ve you and I Tears like just bald crying laughing.
4
SPEAKER_00
Oh, I do remember I do remember what you re saying that that moment sounds familiar Yeah, I can t see it obviously but like that does sound familiar, but I don t remember that at all dude It s crazy.
4
SPEAKER_00
All right judge Judy and if I told you who it was I can give you first name No, I won t I won t I won t I won t give me a letter um
4
SPEAKER_00
No, I can t.
4
SPEAKER_00
It ll give it away.
4
SPEAKER_00
There s something about this person that I don t want.
4
SPEAKER_00
You know what I just saw him say?
4
SPEAKER_00
Owl.
4
SPEAKER_00
I heard owl.
4
SPEAKER_00
And I don t know what that means.
4
SPEAKER_00
Well, maybe you shouldn t have said it.
4
SPEAKER_00
Why?
4
SPEAKER_00
Okay, we ll talk later.
4
SPEAKER_00
I don t know what that is.
4
SPEAKER_00
Go ahead and read these ads, Joey.
4
SPEAKER_00
Anyway, we do have some ads for today.
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SPEAKER_00
The first one being, well, this is technically the third one.
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SPEAKER_00
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Liquid IV is going to keep you hydrated, folks.
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You just take this packet, you rip it open, you put it in 16 ounces of cold water, you stir it up, and you get a nice little drink there.
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It s going to keep you hydrated because it has eight vitamins and nutrients, and they re sugar-free.
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Also, three times the electrolytes as the leading sports drinks that you know.
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They have sugar-free options as well white pea
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So I don t know what allulose is, but I think it sounds pretty important.
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And I could tell you from experience that Liquid IV is really good.
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And I like to take it when I know that I m going to be doing either like a long
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SPEAKER_01
run or like a long workout or something just to make sure that, you know, your hydration is still there, uh, after the, after the fact, because I m not always the best with, you know, the amount of water that I m drinking every day.
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So on the days where I need a little pick me up, I ll throw a liquid IV in.
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There you go, folks.
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SPEAKER_01
You re a what?
5
SPEAKER_00
Boy s a tundery boy.
5
SPEAKER_01
You know, you got me saying that now.
5
SPEAKER_01
I don t say it out loud, but I say it in my head.
5
SPEAKER_01
But when Frankie s hungry, he says he s tunders.
5
SPEAKER_01
And for some reason that makes sense.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s something that the family and I started doing because the kids around, everyone takes it and you know, says things in like little cutesy fun ways for family and stuff like that.
5
SPEAKER_00
Baby talk, you do baby talk to your dog all the time.
5
SPEAKER_01
I mean, not really.
5
SPEAKER_00
So with, you know.
5
SPEAKER_01
You say, oh, I m tundies.
5
SPEAKER_00
I was like, who is a tundery?
5
SPEAKER_01
Are you going to do that when your kids are like 16?
5
SPEAKER_00
No, probably not.
5
SPEAKER_00
But I ll miss it.
5
SPEAKER_00
No, I feel like you will.
5
SPEAKER_00
I ll miss it.
5
SPEAKER_00
You know what s really cute now is Ruby will specifically for breakfast ask, with whatever she s eating, she ll ask for toast with butter.
5
SPEAKER_00
Why?
5
SPEAKER_00
Because she likes toast with butter.
5
SPEAKER_00
What do you mean why, Joey?
5
SPEAKER_00
I thought there was going to be a reason.
5
SPEAKER_00
But the cute part of it is she goes, Dad, can I have toast with butter?
5
SPEAKER_00
All right, this is so cute with bar bar like it s so it s so cute and maybe is getting to talking a ton So like she ll just be like I want Like what like when she wants to get picked up she sits I m stuck.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, she doesn t stuck and then like if I like have like a cup of my hand or something sugar I want
5
SPEAKER_01
Mikey one day, I was like, he s three years old, but I was at my sister s house and he s like got all his toys and stuff.
5
SPEAKER_01
So he s showing me everything.
5
SPEAKER_01
And he s like, I m like, who s this?
5
SPEAKER_01
And he s like, Spider-Man.
5
SPEAKER_01
First of all, there s nothing better than asking a child a question and them answering it.
5
SPEAKER_01
There s nothing better.
5
SPEAKER_00
So cool, right?
5
SPEAKER_00
Who is that?
5
SPEAKER_00
Who am I?
5
SPEAKER_00
I do it all day.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
What is this?
5
SPEAKER_00
What sound does this make?
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I know.
5
SPEAKER_00
All day when they know.
5
SPEAKER_00
Kids knowing stuff is fucking incredible.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it s wild.
5
SPEAKER_01
Cause I m always just like, how, you know, like,
5
SPEAKER_01
But he was just going over like, oh, this is whatever so I pick up Dr. Octopus.
5
SPEAKER_01
Dr. Octopus, yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
And he says, I m like, who s this?
5
SPEAKER_01
He goes, Doc Ock.
5
SPEAKER_01
That s what Ruby says.
5
SPEAKER_01
Doc Ock?
5
SPEAKER_01
Well, no, she says Doc Ock, but like, I m sure.
5
SPEAKER_00
No, no, no.
5
SPEAKER_01
He says Doc Ock.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh, that s not good.
5
SPEAKER_01
Well, I mean, it s just how he s trying to pronounce it.
5
SPEAKER_00
Okay, but then it s fine.
5
SPEAKER_00
That s what I said from the beginning.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like, okay.
5
SPEAKER_00
And you re like, who?
5
SPEAKER_00
No, no, because it s that it s the it s the Spidey cock.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s the Spidey and his amazing friend show, bro.
5
SPEAKER_00
Ruby s obsessed with this show.
5
SPEAKER_00
She ll go like, well, there s a girl, right?
5
SPEAKER_00
Doc Ock is a girl.
5
SPEAKER_00
I mean, in some of the comics, it is, you know, it s not Otto Octavius, it s, I forgot her first name, but it is a female.
5
SPEAKER_00
But when we ll watch it, I ll sit next to Ruby and watch it, and I ll play into it.
5
SPEAKER_00
So I ll be like, oh no, they stole this from the city, who s gonna help?
5
SPEAKER_00
And then Spider-Man will come, so I m like, yeah, and Ruby does it with me now, too.
5
SPEAKER_00
So anytime she watches it, she ll go, oh!
5
SPEAKER_00
Dada, it s Golby.
5
SPEAKER_00
Golby is Green Goblin.
5
SPEAKER_00
And like fucking Doc Ock will run in, she goes, oh, that s a Doc Ock.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s so fucking cute.
5
SPEAKER_00
And then Rhino, she d be like, uh oh, a Rhino.
5
SPEAKER_01
So she can say Rhino pretty well.
5
SPEAKER_00
What are you doing here?
5
SPEAKER_00
You re making fun of the way that my daughter, a three-year-old, pronounces.
5
SPEAKER_00
It is very exciting.
5
SPEAKER_01
When they can actually say the word, because there s words that Mikey just can t say, right?
5
SPEAKER_01
But then there s other words that I m like, Jesus.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, but you know what though?
5
SPEAKER_00
And you ll get this when you re a parent one day, because your only child right now is a dog, which doesn t count and doesn t talk because it s too stupid.
5
SPEAKER_00
There is a level of like, when kids mispronounce things, you don t want them to fix it because it s so cute the way they do it.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
I mean, eventually you re going to be like, all right.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
When they re like 30, you know.
5
SPEAKER_00
What?
5
SPEAKER_00
All right.
5
SPEAKER_00
Of a certain age.
5
SPEAKER_00
But like, it s cute.
5
SPEAKER_00
Like Miles for years never said memories.
5
SPEAKER_00
He called them, which honestly is even, even makes more sense than the word memories.
5
SPEAKER_00
He called them rememberies.
5
SPEAKER_01
Rememberies.
5
SPEAKER_01
Way better.
5
SPEAKER_01
I like that a lot.
5
SPEAKER_01
A lot better, right?
5
SPEAKER_01
Like rememberies.
5
SPEAKER_00
But like you want them to keep that little childlike innocence where they just like call things their own things.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s so fun.
5
SPEAKER_01
Rememberies.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
That like makes sense.
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_01
At the end of the day, what the fuck is a memory?
5
SPEAKER_01
Now that you re thinking about it, you know what I mean?
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I don t like it.
5
SPEAKER_01
You re supposed to remember.
5
SPEAKER_00
You remember the thing, so you re- Remember the Reese.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s a remembery.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
Where does the word memory come from?
5
SPEAKER_00
Memory.
5
SPEAKER_00
I think it s just a word.
5
SPEAKER_00
I just opened my phone and it s Don Beto still.
5
SPEAKER_00
Memory, memory, word, origin.
5
SPEAKER_01
I mean, it s probably going to tell you Latin.
5
SPEAKER_01
By the way, is that the first language ever?
5
SPEAKER_01
Like how does everything trace back to that?
5
SPEAKER_00
I think the first spoken language.
5
SPEAKER_01
Interesting.
5
SPEAKER_00
Uh, yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
So it comes from the Latin word meaning memoir, which is a mindful remembering.
5
SPEAKER_01
Ooh, like memoir.
5
SPEAKER_01
Cause you re remembering.
5
SPEAKER_00
You re remembering your mindful, mindfully remembering your life, a memoir.
5
SPEAKER_01
You know, you re saying memoir?
5
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
I thought it was memoir, but it s, it comes from the term in French.
5
SPEAKER_00
Oh, O I R is all French.
5
SPEAKER_00
Terroir.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
5
SPEAKER_00
Memoir.
5
SPEAKER_01
Croissant.
5
SPEAKER_01
I don t know how to speak French.
5
SPEAKER_00
I don t think there s an O I R in that.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s croissant.
5
SPEAKER_00
C R O I S S A N T.
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, that s ROI.
5
SPEAKER_00
I said OIR, you dyslexic dummy.
5
SPEAKER_00
What s wrong with you?
5
SPEAKER_01
I don t know.
5
SPEAKER_01
Come on.
5
SPEAKER_01
I was getting it wrong.
5
SPEAKER_01
You were?
5
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
5
SPEAKER_01
Also, I have written down here something about cat food.
5
SPEAKER_01
What did you say?
5
SPEAKER_01
You re like, yo, write down cat food.
5
SPEAKER_00
The vegans are back, Joey.
5
SPEAKER_00
They re back and they re at it.
5
SPEAKER_00
As they be.
5
SPEAKER_01
Okay.
5
SPEAKER_00
So, as you were saying how much you hate vegans.
5
SPEAKER_00
I never said that.
5
SPEAKER_00
You were saying it pretty often and loudly.
5
SPEAKER_00
I feel like that s you.
5
SPEAKER_00
Well, apparently, you know, vegans are now seeking their protein intake in the form of, you guessed it, cat food.
5
SPEAKER_00
Really?
5
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, dude.
5
SPEAKER_00
What s wrong with you vegans?
5
SPEAKER_00
Just eat a burger.
5
SPEAKER_00
First of all, cat food is disgusting.
5
SPEAKER_01
Worst of the... Feline animal foods.
5
SPEAKER_01
No, just any animal food.
5
SPEAKER_01
Like other animal food is like... Like a dog treat?
5
SPEAKER_00
I d eat those.
5
SPEAKER_00
Have you?
5
SPEAKER_00
I ve tried a dog treat.
5
SPEAKER_00
I had a bite.
5
SPEAKER_01
I had a bite of a milk bone.
5
SPEAKER_00
Wet dog food though sucks.
5
SPEAKER_00
All whack whack.
5
SPEAKER_01
But that s because that looks like cat food though.
5
SPEAKER_00
When I was a kid I wouldn t be able to feed my cat wet food because I d gag opening the can.
5
SPEAKER_01
I feel that way about tuna fish.
5
SPEAKER_01
Oh it s just tuna fish dude.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s disgusting.
5
SPEAKER_01
No it s not.
5
SPEAKER_01
And also the water that s in this tin.
5
SPEAKER_01
It s just water.
6
SPEAKER_00
Ew, it s covered in tuna.
6
SPEAKER_00
Fish.
6
SPEAKER_00
What would you do if I took a shot of tuna water in front of you?
6
SPEAKER_00
Bro, don t.
6
SPEAKER_00
That s horrible.
6
SPEAKER_00
I m going to mix it in with a little bit of this, a little bit of that.
6
SPEAKER_00
Are vegans actually doing that?
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I saw a Redditor commenting that they ve been seeking protein intake from cat food, which sucks.
6
SPEAKER_00
Is there good protein in it?
6
SPEAKER_00
Is, if there was a million grams of protein in a single tablespoon of cat food, you eating it Joey?
6
SPEAKER_00
No, because the dump that I would take would be just like, life altering.
6
SPEAKER_00
Alright, alright, so let s bring it back down.
6
SPEAKER_00
Also no.
6
SPEAKER_00
If I was to say 50 grams of protein in a tablespoon of cat food.
6
SPEAKER_00
Oh, I might.
6
SPEAKER_00
Are you kidding me?
6
SPEAKER_00
50 grams?
6
SPEAKER_00
In a teaspoon?
6
SPEAKER_00
Dude.
6
SPEAKER_00
You re done!
6
SPEAKER_00
It s not you re done, but like- You fed me cat food once for a video.
6
SPEAKER_00
That s right, I did.
6
SPEAKER_00
You bastard.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yes, I am a bastard.
6
SPEAKER_00
You are.
6
SPEAKER_00
You are a white bastard.
6
SPEAKER_00
Let s make sure we specify.
6
SPEAKER_00
Jesus.
6
SPEAKER_00
Well.
6
SPEAKER_00
The shoe, look at it fit.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, what?
6
SPEAKER_00
Watch the shoe fit.
6
SPEAKER_00
That s not it.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
Anyway, how was the cat food?
6
SPEAKER_00
Disgusting.
6
SPEAKER_00
I tried baby food, also not- Some of them are good, some of them are good.
6
SPEAKER_00
Oh, baby food, honestly- No, some of them are whack.
6
SPEAKER_00
Well, which ones?
6
SPEAKER_00
Like they have like meat.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, those are gross.
6
SPEAKER_00
Those are gross.
6
SPEAKER_00
The mango, like I had like mangoes.
6
SPEAKER_00
Banana shit.
6
SPEAKER_00
Well, bananas.
6
SPEAKER_00
Banana stuff.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, good.
6
SPEAKER_00
Mad good.
6
SPEAKER_00
The only thing with the bananas though that s tough is like they mix it in with like so much lemon juice.
6
SPEAKER_00
So you re drinking like a lemon banana.
6
SPEAKER_00
You mix it like a lemon banana.
6
SPEAKER_00
Really?
6
SPEAKER_00
Don t like it.
6
SPEAKER_00
Did you guys buy or did you make?
6
SPEAKER_00
Baby food.
6
SPEAKER_00
A little bit of both.
6
SPEAKER_00
We did a little bit of both.
6
SPEAKER_00
I think it was harder with Ruby we made more and with Maeve we bought more.
6
SPEAKER_00
Oh yeah, by the third kid.
6
SPEAKER_00
But also Maeve ate a ton.
6
SPEAKER_00
Really?
6
SPEAKER_00
Still our best eater to date.
6
SPEAKER_00
Nice.
6
SPEAKER_00
She ll eat all day, non-stop.
6
SPEAKER_00
That s like Mikey.
6
SPEAKER_00
He just eats anything.
6
SPEAKER_00
I ve seen him eat like steak.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
Becca.
6
SPEAKER_00
Just anything.
6
SPEAKER_00
We ve, we ve given the kids steak, fish, any, anything.
6
SPEAKER_00
I wish my parents fed me more fish when I was younger.
6
SPEAKER_00
Well, isn t that why you have like a sensitivity to shrimp?
6
SPEAKER_00
Because like, I don t know that I have that to be honest.
6
SPEAKER_00
Well, you ve had it and you got itchy, so I ll help you here.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, but I m not, I m, I am not a fucking allergist or what is that?
6
SPEAKER_00
What do they call them?
6
SPEAKER_00
There s an actual term for smart people for the doctor.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
I will tell you right now.
6
SPEAKER_00
You got one.
6
SPEAKER_00
Maybe.
6
SPEAKER_00
Um, but no, that s not how you get an allergy.
6
SPEAKER_00
Well, your body, if you have something you don t have it your whole life, your body will probably just be like, Oh, Olivia threw in a probably there because that again, is not how that works.
6
SPEAKER_00
Well, no, they say like, you know, again, old wives tales will say.
6
SPEAKER_00
If you have an allergy, you have an allergy.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, but you can get, it could be a mild sensitivity that you can get over if you have something enough.
6
SPEAKER_00
Is that true?
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
You know what I didn t know?
6
SPEAKER_00
When I was on the plane back from Miami- You said that like the dumbest person in the world.
6
SPEAKER_00
No, but I was on the plane back from Miami.
6
SPEAKER_00
They were like, someone in here has a severe peanut allergy, so if you have any peanut products, don t open them.
6
SPEAKER_00
I didn t know that if you just open them, someone can have a reaction.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, there are some people, I knew someone like that, that if it s in the air, it ll fuck them up.
6
SPEAKER_00
That s terrifying.
6
SPEAKER_00
I knew someone in college that she had told us, she was just like, no peanut stuff while I m around, basically, and
6
SPEAKER_00
It got so extreme.
6
SPEAKER_00
So where I went to school, there was a main road that went all the way down through, you know, through West Haven, Orange into like Milford.
6
SPEAKER_00
And right next to that road was a five guys.
6
SPEAKER_00
And she would like, maybe she was overreacting and like trying to like garnish some attention, but like would like driving by a five guys, fuck her up.
6
SPEAKER_00
Wow.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
Cause they cook everything in peanut oil.
6
SPEAKER_00
Dude.
6
SPEAKER_00
Peanuts.
6
SPEAKER_00
Thank God.
6
SPEAKER_00
Like, yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
And also when we went to the Yankee game recently, I had to order food if you were going to get a drink.
6
SPEAKER_00
So I got like a pack of peanuts, massive pack of peanuts, by the way, insane amount of peanuts.
6
SPEAKER_00
But I, I was eating a few of them.
6
SPEAKER_00
And as I was eating them, I was like a little scared.
6
SPEAKER_00
Cause like- What are you scared of?
6
SPEAKER_00
Because I know I m not allergic to penis, but like, for some reason I was like, these are so dangerous to some people.
6
SPEAKER_00
And like, that was kind of freaking me out.
6
SPEAKER_00
What a hero you are, Joey.
6
SPEAKER_00
Hero?
6
SPEAKER_00
I m saying I m scared.
6
SPEAKER_00
The opposite of hero.
6
SPEAKER_00
I m like literally eating it when I know I don t have an allergy and just being like, this could kill a person.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
6
SPEAKER_00
It s scary.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it is a little scary, but what you gonna do?
6
SPEAKER_00
You don t have allergies, right?
6
SPEAKER_00
None that I know of.
6
SPEAKER_00
I just have allergies to pollen and shit.
6
SPEAKER_00
Even then, none that I know of.
6
SPEAKER_00
Really?
6
SPEAKER_00
You never get allergies?
6
SPEAKER_00
No.
6
SPEAKER_00
Fuck you.
6
SPEAKER_00
No.
6
SPEAKER_00
Like when we went to the Yankee game, you were fucking getting beat in the face.
6
SPEAKER_00
I was.
6
SPEAKER_00
You know, I was perfectly fine.
6
SPEAKER_00
I mean, every now and then I ll be like, I ll wake up a little like...
6
SPEAKER_00
But, I m not like, to the point where I m like, remember how bad Danny used to get it growing up?
6
SPEAKER_00
I think he still gets it pretty bad now.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I hate when I m like, all snotty.
6
SPEAKER_00
Except my hands.
6
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, you re gross.
6
SPEAKER_00
You ate your warts.
6
SPEAKER_00
Let s relax.
6
SPEAKER_00
Let s not forget about that, alright?
6
SPEAKER_00
I would.
6
SPEAKER_00
I would.
6
SPEAKER_00
I would, and I m not gonna.
6
SPEAKER_00
Just want you to know that.
6
SPEAKER_00
Thanks.
6
SPEAKER_00
Anyway, that is all for this week s episode.
6
SPEAKER_00
Frank, where can they find you?
6
SPEAKER_00
Being not like a bird and taking a big fat piss right after this.
6
SPEAKER_00
I don t even.
6
SPEAKER_00
You guys can go follow me at Joe Santagato.
6
SPEAKER_00
Go follow the show at The Basement Yard on TikTok and Instagram.
6
SPEAKER_00
And if you re coming to the shows, go to TheBasementYard.com slash submit, fill out the form, and we will see you out there, all right?
6
SPEAKER_00
See you guys next time.