0
SPEAKER_03
Greetings from Taiwan.
0
SPEAKER_03
Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we ll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right.
0
SPEAKER_03
If you re new to the Art of Charm podcast, this isn t a great place to start.
0
SPEAKER_03
Most of our content is more in-depth and longer format, so check out the best of at theartofcharm.com slash best, or the Fundamentals Toolbox at theartofcharm.com slash toolbox.
0
SPEAKER_03
That s where we ve got our fundamentals of body language and nonverbal communication, attraction, negotiation, networking, and everything else we teach here at the Art of Charm.
0
SPEAKER_03
All right, let s cut to it.
0
SPEAKER_00
Hi, Jordan and team.
0
SPEAKER_00
My boyfriend and I have been together for several years.
0
SPEAKER_00
He s a type B personality, very caring and intelligent, and he has a ton of potential.
0
SPEAKER_00
He s a complainer, and I, as a type A fixer, immediately respond with what he could do in any given situation.
0
SPEAKER_00
Suffice it to say, it s not bringing us closer together, which causes friction.
0
SPEAKER_00
It leaves me feeling like he s avoiding making a decision or otherwise simply not being effective.
0
SPEAKER_00
What can I personally do to be better at listening without trying to fix the quote unquote problem that I immediately have to identify when he s talking?
0
SPEAKER_00
But also how can I offer advice in a way that will make him want to actually execute on some of my or his ideas?
0
SPEAKER_00
Thanks for doing what you do.
0
SPEAKER_00
Your podcast has become an invaluable resource to me.
0
SPEAKER_00
as it has and continues to be for many others.
0
SPEAKER_03
Act, not the other way around.
0
SPEAKER_03
You also need to set boundaries.
0
SPEAKER_03
For example, I had a college roommate, and he would always complain about how this girl didn t do that, and this didn t work, and how he s pining over that girl.
0
SPEAKER_03
And we would give him a ton of advice, a ton of action steps.
0
SPEAKER_03
He wouldn t follow any of our advice, and it would always blow up in his face.
0
SPEAKER_03
So eventually we said, listen, man, you can t vent about whatever problem, whatever girl, whatever person, if you re not going to fix it.
0
SPEAKER_03
Don t be too harsh, though.
0
SPEAKER_03
People, especially in relationships, your significant other, for example, still needs to feel that they can vent to you.
0
SPEAKER_03
But if it s a recurring issue, recurring complaint about the exact same thing and they won t act and they won t take your advice, you have to preserve your own sanity and remove yourself from their pattern.
0
SPEAKER_03
So there s a difference between venting about gas prices and venting about a friend who always takes advantage of them.
0
SPEAKER_03
One requires action, one is simply a proxy for stress relief.
0
SPEAKER_03
And how much complaining is this person actually doing?
0
SPEAKER_03
Is this a deal breaker for you or is it simply frustrating?
0
SPEAKER_03
You need to decide that for yourself, what your threshold, what your tolerance level is.
0
SPEAKER_03
If it s a deal breaker, you need to set a hard boundary and ask what can be done about it.
0
SPEAKER_03
Ask them what they can do about their situation.
0
SPEAKER_03
Let him know.
0
SPEAKER_03
It can ruin your relationship and ruin everything.
0
SPEAKER_03
So I hope this helps, Celine.
0
SPEAKER_03
And as for you guys out there who are encountering the same situation, the same advice applies.
0
SPEAKER_00
Dear Jordan, no trouble getting the girl here.
0
SPEAKER_00
I ve been married to her for 15 years.
0
SPEAKER_00
In times past, we were very sexually adventurous.
0
SPEAKER_00
I m talking stuff that should have gotten us arrested for doing it in public adventurous.
0
SPEAKER_00
Nowadays though, I m the one chasing after her, trying to get her into bed.
0
SPEAKER_00
I m a huge fan of your podcast and I feel like your advice really applies to all kinds of situations.
0
SPEAKER_00
Now I m putting you to the test.
0
SPEAKER_00
How do I reignite the spark and get her chasing me like she used to?
0
SPEAKER_00
Signed, charmed, married man.
0
SPEAKER_03
Hey man, what you re talking about is pretty typical in marriages from what I ve seen and heard over the years working here at the Art of Charm and getting a lot of dirty details on people s stories.
0
SPEAKER_03
Biology and evolutionary psych plays a role here and it s not to our advantage as monogamous couples a lot of the time.
0
SPEAKER_03
But fortunately, I can give you a bit of light at the end of the tunnel type of hope.
0
SPEAKER_03
Tons of couples go through this, and basically all of them that address it openly and honestly get their sex lives back on track.
0
SPEAKER_03
So what do I think you should do?
0
SPEAKER_03
Remember the days when you and your wife first got together.
0
SPEAKER_03
You weren t living together, you weren t aware of each other s irritating habits, you didn t know what the other one was like when they got sick or walked around in old dirty underwear.
0
SPEAKER_03
You can t return to that point in time.
0
SPEAKER_03
It s over.
0
SPEAKER_03
What you can do, however, is act as if you were in those days.
0
SPEAKER_03
I m not suggesting you pretend that things are other than what they are.
0
SPEAKER_03
What I am suggesting is that you go out of your way to inject a little romance back into the situation.
0
SPEAKER_03
Take her out on a date, a proper date, not dinner and a movie, but something really exciting.
0
SPEAKER_03
No talking about chores, the house, the kids, the bills, none of that stuff.
0
SPEAKER_03
An actual date.
0
SPEAKER_03
Take her out dancing, take her on a drive to the beach, or something that you would do with a woman you were trying to impress.
0
SPEAKER_03
Now comes the hard part.
0
SPEAKER_03
Spice things up.
0
SPEAKER_03
It sounds like you guys were pretty adventurous in your earlier years, particularly with regard to location and time.
0
SPEAKER_03
If things are boring, it might be because you ve fallen back into the old missionary sex in bed with the lights off trap.
0
SPEAKER_03
Try getting busy in the kitchen, on the living room floor, whatever suits your fancy.
0
SPEAKER_03
Get a hotel room for the night.
0
SPEAKER_03
Skip work to spend a day in bed with her.
0
SPEAKER_03
Stuff like that.
0
SPEAKER_03
You ll definitely be being proactive, but I wouldn t necessarily call it chasing.
0
SPEAKER_03
And once her fires are rekindled, you ll definitely notice that she s back on the chase.
0
SPEAKER_03
Best of luck, man.
0
SPEAKER_03
Let us know how it goes.
0
SPEAKER_01
Hey, Art of Charm listeners, I m excited to share a new podcast I ve been absolutely binging.
0
SPEAKER_01
Winning is an everyday mindset, and Craig Robinson and John Calipari are here to help.
0
SPEAKER_01
On Ways to Win podcast, Craig and Coach Cal use their on-court wisdom to solve your off-court problems.
0
SPEAKER_01
Whether it s trouble at home or a workplace dilemma, the coaches will help you find a winning formula for success.
0
SPEAKER_01
You ll hear from prominent athletes, business leaders, and celebrities who reveal insights that made them into the leaders they are today.
0
SPEAKER_01
And don t miss President Obama sharing how he deals with pressure by projecting confidence, believing in your team, and taking criticism.
0
SPEAKER_01
Listen to Ways to Win wherever you get your podcasts.
0
SPEAKER_02
Over the last 17 years, we have launched our fair share of online courses, coaching programs, and finding the right platform has always been a challenge.
0
SPEAKER_01
They say if you do what you love, you never work a day in your life.
0
SPEAKER_01
But if you re an entrepreneur, you know the hard work that comes with it.
0
SPEAKER_01
That s why you need Kajabi.
0
SPEAKER_01
Kajabi makes it easy to run your entire online business from one platform so you can focus on what you love, creating.
0
SPEAKER_02
Kajabi is the ultimate all-in-one platform that helps creators and entrepreneurs build successful online businesses by unlocking predictable recurring revenue.
0
SPEAKER_01
No matter your niche, Kajabi makes it easy to turn your skills, passions, and experiences into enriching online courses, exclusive membership sites, subscription podcasts, thriving communities, personalized coaching, and more.
0
SPEAKER_02
The best part?
0
SPEAKER_02
Kajabi doesn t cut into your revenue because everything is owned and controlled by you.
0
SPEAKER_02
So keep 100% of what you earn.
0
SPEAKER_01
And with Kajabi, you also get robust analytics, easy payment options, email marketing tools, and customizable website templates, all built in.
0
SPEAKER_02
You don t even need a huge audience to make sustainable income.
0
SPEAKER_02
There are thousands of creators on Kajabi making six and seven figures with less than 50,000 followers.
0
SPEAKER_01
Right now, Kajabi is offering a free 30-day trial to start your business if you go to kajabi.com slash charm.
0
SPEAKER_01
That s K-A-J-A-B-I dot com slash charm.
0
SPEAKER_02
Go to Kajabi.com slash charm and join the creators and entrepreneurs who have made over seven billion dollars.
0
SPEAKER_03
All right, back to Fan Mail Friday.
0
SPEAKER_00
Dear Jordan, not exactly in your wheelhouse, strictly speaking, but what time do you get up?
0
SPEAKER_00
I m trying to make the most out of my day, and I figured you d be a good person to ask about this.
0
SPEAKER_00
Signed, Sleepy Sal.
0
SPEAKER_03
Hey, Sal.
0
SPEAKER_03
Well, I usually get up around 7, 7.30 AM.
0
SPEAKER_03
Sometimes 8, really depends on when I get to bed.
0
SPEAKER_03
The problem for you and for me is that it has nothing to do with when you should get up in the morning.
0
SPEAKER_03
The thing you want to do is evaluate when you re the most productive and aim to be awake during those hours.
0
SPEAKER_03
Another aspect you can consider is are you getting everything done?
0
SPEAKER_03
Getting up an extra hour early in the morning can give you tons of time to fit in things like a workout, writing, reading, things that you want to get done but aren t getting done because you quote unquote don t have enough time.
0
SPEAKER_03
Getting things done before you go to work helps to short circuit the routine where you don t get things done because you re too tired after a long day at work.
0
SPEAKER_03
Some people do get up earlier, though.
0
SPEAKER_03
Try Hal Elrod s Morning Miracle or The Miracle Morning.
0
SPEAKER_03
He s got a great book on the subject of being more productive earlier in the day.
0
SPEAKER_03
And it s tough to do, frankly.
0
SPEAKER_03
It requires a habit of enforcing an early bedtime.
0
SPEAKER_03
And not everybody can or will do that.
0
SPEAKER_03
But I found it to be one of the game changers in my life in terms of productivity.
0
SPEAKER_00
Hello, I m a new listener and I just wanted you guys to know that the advice from your podcast has truly made an impact on my life.
0
SPEAKER_00
I m a 24 year old engineer that has had very little success with girls.
0
SPEAKER_00
As a guy with profound hearing loss, I struggle in loud, chaotic environments.
0
SPEAKER_00
It has had a detrimental effect on my confidence.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s embarrassing to be constantly saying what all the time, especially a third or fourth time.
0
SPEAKER_00
I get enormous pressure from my friends to go out to bars and try to pick up girls because they ve had so much success.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s not even quote unquote picking up girls that I want, but I feel like I ll never
1
SPEAKER_00
find the one for me.
1
SPEAKER_00
Girls may sense my lack of confidence, but maybe I m just not putting myself out there enough.
1
SPEAKER_00
Any advice?
1
SPEAKER_00
Thanks again.
1
SPEAKER_01
Hey, but good to hear from you.
1
SPEAKER_01
Thanks for writing in.
1
SPEAKER_01
I know it can be a little bit daunting to bare your soul to a stranger on the internet, but I appreciate you doing so.
1
SPEAKER_01
I d say put yourself into situations where you are confident.
1
SPEAKER_01
Work with your strengths and your weaknesses and build strength.
1
SPEAKER_01
Become a great dancer.
1
SPEAKER_01
you know, solid nonverbal communication is really gonna be your wheelhouse here.
1
SPEAKER_01
And you re really setting yourself up to fail by going to places where you can t hear, then trying to talk in there.
1
SPEAKER_01
It looks like the areas where you re going are sort of your haunts by default, maybe the choice of your friends by not asserting what you think you re gonna be successful in doing.
1
SPEAKER_01
If you re going to environments where you already know you struggle and then trying to do something that s outside your comfort zone,
1
SPEAKER_01
this is kind of the opposite of baby steps that are going to ensure success.
1
SPEAKER_01
So I think people are sensing your lack of confidence, but it s because you re putting yourself in situations where you re basically setting yourself up to fail, where you have little experience, and where the situation isn t to your advantage.
1
SPEAKER_01
So you need to find areas where you re going to be able to be confident, build your strengths in those areas, and then you can tackle the big, loud, public venues that you re having a hard time with now.
1
SPEAKER_00
Dear Jordan, I ve been dating a woman for nine months now.
1
SPEAKER_00
Things were going really well for the first six.
1
SPEAKER_00
For the last three, things have been tense.
1
SPEAKER_00
We re definitely experiencing bed death, and I have serious concerns that she might be getting it somewhere else.
1
SPEAKER_00
I m not sure if I want to end things or not, but more importantly, I want to know if she s cheating on me.
1
SPEAKER_00
Then I ll know where to go from there.
1
SPEAKER_00
I figured you re the type of guys who know a thing or two about this.
1
SPEAKER_00
Signed, cheated on?
1
SPEAKER_01
Hey, man, sorry, first the bad news.
1
SPEAKER_01
Bed death is often a sign that she s getting it elsewhere.
1
SPEAKER_01
At best, it s a sign that she, or perhaps both of you, are bored with where things are at in your relationship, sexually speaking.
1
SPEAKER_01
The good news is, it could very well just be the latter.
1
SPEAKER_01
Here are some other questions you can ask yourself to determine whether or not she s cheating.
1
SPEAKER_01
Is she busy all the time or all of the sudden?
1
SPEAKER_01
Is she paying way more attention to her appearance all of the sudden?
1
SPEAKER_01
New clothes?
1
SPEAKER_01
More makeup?
1
SPEAKER_01
Is she particularly concerned with you cheating on her all of the sudden?
1
SPEAKER_01
Methinks the lady doth protest too much.
1
SPEAKER_01
Does she spend less time with you?
1
SPEAKER_01
Way less time?
1
SPEAKER_01
Is she suddenly needing all kinds of girl time and working lots of overtime?
1
SPEAKER_01
Of course, none of this, even when taken all together, is going to tell you definitively whether or not she s cheating.
1
SPEAKER_01
I d advise sitting down and having a very frank talk with her.
1
SPEAKER_01
This will tell you more than reading the tea leaves ever could.
1
SPEAKER_01
I hope this helps.
1
SPEAKER_01
Keep us posted and send me the extra details that I asked for in my email response and we ll see if we can revisit this.
1
SPEAKER_01
As for the weekly video, I did a video on a train in China.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s about who has shaped you and encouraging you to reach out to them and going from there.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s a short one.
1
SPEAKER_01
I think it s really interesting.
1
SPEAKER_01
Lots of great feedback on that so far.
1
SPEAKER_01
A link to that blog post, that video directly is gonna be at theartofcharm.com slash fmf37.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s theartofcharm.com slash fmf37.
1
SPEAKER_01
It s also one of the more recent videos if you re checking this in a timely fashion.
1
SPEAKER_01
Hope you all enjoyed that.
1
SPEAKER_01
Don t forget you can reach us at Friday at theartofcharm.com.
1
SPEAKER_01
We read everything.
1
SPEAKER_01
We d love to hear from you.
1
SPEAKER_01
Quick shout out to David in Lithuania.
1
SPEAKER_01
He s a pro basketball player out there.
1
SPEAKER_01
He listens to AOC every day.
1
SPEAKER_01
And Roxy listening in Taipei, Taiwan, who I met while over here, and we were hanging out and found out she happened to be a fan of The Art of Charm.
1
SPEAKER_01
Very cool coincidence.
1
SPEAKER_01
And last but not least, Lee and Oliver from Halifax, Nova Scotia.
1
SPEAKER_01
Are you in a strange land listening to my familiar voice?
1
SPEAKER_01
If so, hit me up and I ll shout you out.
1
SPEAKER_01
More from The Art of Charm at theartofcharm.com.
1
SPEAKER_01
Now have a great weekend.
1
SPEAKER_01
Get out there and connect and leave everyone better than you found them.
1
SPEAKER_02
Thanks for listening to The Art of Charm.
1
SPEAKER_02
Get more confidence, relationship skills, life hacks, and everything for the extraordinary man at theartofcharmpodcast.com.