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Welcome to the Art of Charm.
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I m your host, Jordan Harbinger, and I m here with producer Jason DeFilippo.
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Here at the Art of Charm, we don t have all the answers, but we definitely have all the right questions.
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Today on Fan Mail Friday, those questions come from you.
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If you re new to the Art of Charm podcast, Fan Mail Friday isn t a great place to start.
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Most of our content is more in-depth and longer format, so check out the best of at theartofcharm.com slash best, or the Fundamentals Toolbox at theartofcharm.com slash toolbox.
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That s where we ve got the fundamentals of body language and nonverbal communication, negotiation, attraction, networking, influence, persuasion, and everything else we teach here at The Art of Charm.
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We ll send all of this to your inbox if you text charmed, that s C-H-A-R-M-E-D, to 33444 in the U.S., or if you re not, go to theartofcharm.com.
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All right, let s cut to it.
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As a recent college grad, I was a biology major, with only one lab assistant experience and some math tutoring, I m not sure if I should start a LinkedIn or online profile since it s not as impressive as what others put out there.
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I m just focusing on improving my craft and learning programming so I can stand out over other recent biology grads, while at the same time networking with the department professors I work with.
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If you have any advice, I d be very grateful.
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Thanks for your podcast, it helped me through a breakup and made me want to be the best version of myself since the first time I heard it.
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Signed, J.L.
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Hey, thanks for the note, JL.
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My advice on this is to build something.
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Nothing kicks another resume s butt like an actual product that solves even a small problem.
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I wouldn t even look at other resumes if someone showed me something they built, no matter how simple it was.
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So many people can list a lot of things on a resume, but what most people can t do
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is show that they figure out how to identify and solve a problem.
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That alone will set you apart by a wide margin.
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And I m not talking about something crazy huge or a whole company.
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I mean, you could create a software product for a phone or even a website that does something or a website that collects something.
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It s really, really easy.
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And you can just, it doesn t have to have bells and whistles or even look good.
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It can just solve the problem.
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And that shows your employer, your prospective employer, that you know how to look for the right problems and then you go about actually solving them instead of waiting for somebody else to do it.
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And that is very valuable in anybody on any team.
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Alright, question two.
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Hey Jordan, I m an 18 year old from Florida who just graduated from high school.
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I started listening to your podcast over the summer and just wanted to say thank you for putting out such excellent content.
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I ve listened to other people, particularly on YouTube, who target a similar audience, but I ve got to say that your podcast is heads and shoulders above the others that I ve heard.
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In your last Fan Mail Friday episode, you talked about dual enrollment and how it s such an incredible opportunity.
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I wanted to comment on this because I just finished two years of dual enrollment and I wanted to share my experience as well as a few thoughts regarding it.
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In Gainesville, Florida, the Dual Enrollment Program is for juniors and seniors in high school, and it s free.
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And by free, I don t just mean tuition.
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They also loan you books and any supplies you ll need.
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Obviously, an incredible opportunity to get a head start in life and save money on college.
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Because I had just moved prior to sophomore year, I really didn t have a lot of connections at high school, so for me, it was an easy decision to dual enroll.
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I did know kids, however, who didn t want to do it because they were very involved in their high school, and although I think they missed out on a great opportunity, I can understand that decision.
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As for my experience in dual enrollment, life-changing.
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There s nothing like going to college as a 16-year-old to boost your confidence and help you grow up quickly.
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I m a very good student and was instantly the best student in most of my classes.
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This success just kept me hungry for more success in high school and in other areas of life.
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I was in the honors program and was someone who was looked up to even among kids who were a lot older than me.
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I don t say this to brag, but I think for kids who are motivated and talented, dual enrollment can be an excellent way to develop as a leader at a young age.
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For myself, I can say that dual enrollment broadened my perspective and precipitated interaction with a lot of people
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who I wouldn t otherwise have interacted with.
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In fact, I think it s highly unlikely that I d even be listening to your podcast if dual enrollment hadn t given me a taste of success and made me hungry for improvement in all areas of life.
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So thanks, dual enrollment.
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Furthermore, I would agree that so much of high school is useless and many of the classes that you take in high school will be taken again in college.
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By dual enrolling, you can take those classes once and have them count on both your high school and college transcripts.
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This is such a time saver, and in most cases, the college class will be more interesting and better taught than the same class in high school.
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Although I ve given it a very positive spin, I would like to mention that despite my good experience, dual enrollment is not for everyone.
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Why do I say this?
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Well, frankly, some kids shouldn t be altering their college transcripts at age 16, if you know what I mean.
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I personally knew some students who started dual enrollment but couldn t pass their classes and now have very little complete and have a tainted college transcript.
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Generally, I would think the guys and gals listening to your show probably wouldn t be the type to ruin their college transcript, but it s something to consider if school is not really your thing.
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Nevertheless, for young people who are motivated and hardworking, I think they can have tremendous success even if they aren t crazy smart.
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I ll wrap it up there, but hopefully I was able to provide a useful perspective.
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Keep doing your thing, JJ.
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Hey, JJ, thanks for the voice of experience on this.
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Very helpful.
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I think that more people should do this dual enrollment thing.
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It seems such a game-changing experience, but you re right.
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Maybe some people shouldn t do it because they shouldn t be messing with their college transcripts if they don t have their proverbial-ish together.
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I would say start with maybe one class one semester just to see what college-level stuff is like.
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Make sure you can actually do it.
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All right, next question.
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This is a response to Confused from FanMailFriday76.
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Good morning again Jordan and the crew.
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I m back with more advice for your weary cube farmers.
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This one comes from personal experience as I ve been in the same situation as Confused for 16 months at my last employer.
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The bottom line is, Confused will never teach his supervisor a lesson by going to the higher ups.
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If his supervisor is already on notice for not meeting the growth quota and losing people along the way, then he s essentially in a neutral position.
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The supervisor will not quit and the company will not fire him.
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You re in the middle, waiting for someone to blink, which will take quite a while.
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It took the company I worked for 5 years and quite a few write-ups and demotions to finally fire my old supervisor.
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The company lost a lot of good people along the way.
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Since you ve been there for a decade, there s only one thing you can do while you explore your options.
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Schedule an appointment with your supervisor s supervisor and let them know what you re going through.
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Don t make it an emotional dump, but be clear this isn t helping you in achieving your goals or keeping you motivated.
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The chances are the higher-ups already know about it.
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When I spoke to the operations director, he told me that he chastised my boss for two years about his lack of people skills, and for a while threatened to fire him more than once a week.
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The problem is your supervisor is entrenched in this position and is playing the long game with your employer.
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You re merely fodder for this trench war, no matter what your experience is.
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Keep your head down, do your job well, and don t fall for any traps your supervisor might sucker you into.
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While you wait for an offer, make sure you have something you can at least relate to your supervisor on.
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Remind yourself he s human, even if he might be the devil incarnate.
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Accept you might be fired at any moment and know you did your best anyway.
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Don t be confrontational, but handle yourself with some care and dignity.
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Don t give in to the bullying.
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Also, be aware that your supervisor might be shielding you from something much worse in the long run.
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As with my old supervisor, I learned the hard way he actually protected what remained of his little kingdom from the ravages of poor resource management and unreal expectations.
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You might believe he s an asshole, but he might be making your job easier by taking some of the heat in the process.
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Finally, don t go to HR.
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I m sure you know your HR person very well, but remember that HR works for the company, not for the employees.
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If you can t bring up a lawsuit, they will only log a complaint and leave you to fend for yourself.
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I hope this helps.
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As a man who struggled and thrived under a bully manager, I know it s tough.
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Please note the company already sees what you re doing, though, and is doing its best to dislodge him from the trench.
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However, you can only do what s best for you, and it might be at least another year or two before someone blinks.
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Good luck to you, and thanks again, Jordan and the crew, for the awesome podcast.
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Signed, Matt Eaton.
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Over the last 17 years, we have launched our fair share of online courses, coaching programs, and finding the right platform has always been a challenge.
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They say if you do what you love, you never work a day in your life.
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But if you re an entrepreneur, you know the hard work that comes with it.
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That s why you need Kajabi.
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Creating.
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No matter your niche, Kajabi makes it easy to turn your skills, passions, and experiences into enriching online courses, exclusive membership sites, subscription podcasts, thriving communities, personalized coaching, and more.
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The best part?
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So keep 100% of what you earn.
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You don t even need a huge audience to make sustainable income.
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There are thousands of creators on Kajabi making six and seven figures with less than 50,000 followers.
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Right now, Kajabi is offering a free 30-day trial to start your business if you go to kajabi.com slash charm.
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That s K-A-J-A-B-I dot com slash charm.
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Go to Kajabi.com slash charm and join the creators and entrepreneurs who have made over seven billion dollars.
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Hey Art of Charm listeners, I m excited to share a new podcast I ve been absolutely binging.
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Winning is an everyday mindset and Craig Robinson and John Calipari are here to help.
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On Ways to Win podcast, Craig and Coach Cal use their on-court wisdom to solve your off-court problems.
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Whether it s trouble at home or a workplace dilemma, the coaches will help you find a winning formula for success.
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You ll hear from prominent athletes, business leaders, and celebrities who reveal insights that made them into the leaders they are today.
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And don t miss President Obama sharing how he deals with pressure by projecting confidence, believing in your team, and taking criticism.
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Listen to Ways to Win wherever you get your podcasts.
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Now, back to Fan Mail Friday.
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Question four.
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Hi guys.
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First, I just started getting into the podcast at the beginning of this summer, but I ve been burning through the episodes like a champ.
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I love it.
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So I m living in Los Angeles and I ll give you three guesses as to what industry I m in, but you ll only need one.
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I m a bit of an introvert creative, but I ve been able to get my charm on from time to time.
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I attended and recently graduated from the premier film school in the country, which was fantastic, but also came with some culture shock.
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I come from a very, very modest background, and I was thrown together with amazingly creative people, many of whom were profoundly rich, and the majority were from a much higher income bracket.
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As I got a little deeper into the world, I realized that this was the class of people that I d need to network with regularly in my career to get anywhere.
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So, question one.
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In the past, I can be a fairly honest person, sometimes to a fault, and I was never particularly ashamed of my past, but I worry that I may have a small chip on my shoulder about it that I m trying to unburden myself of.
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That being said, is it in my best interest to at least gently conceal my past?
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I also feel that occasionally, my past has had some of the upper-class folk push me a little further away from the social group.
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Maybe they can just smell the poor on me.
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To be fair, maybe I m just too mouthy at times because I can get fairly opinionated when it comes to art and film, as most of my colleagues are.
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But I just want to be me and make real, honest connections and not be counted out of the game because I ve never been on a sailboat before.
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Question 2.
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One of these before-mentioned rich classmates is having a destination wedding that I was invited to.
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I cannot begin to imagine how pricey this would all be.
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But for the sake of my career, should I go all in on some of these things so that I m meeting more people of this higher social class, whether or not they re in the entertainment business or not?
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As you guys know, LA is a jungle of relationships, and I m not the ultimate schmooze, but I d like to get out of my comfort zone and make more regular and lasting networking connections.
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My future depends on it.
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Any thoughts on this would be great.
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Thanks guys, digging the work.
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Signed, L.A.
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Poor.
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Hey, LAPoor, thanks for the note, man.
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Look, most rich people, quote unquote rich people, upper class, if you will, they hide it.
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In America, it s not usually cool to be wealthy, especially if you re born that way, it s really uncool.
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So this exists primarily in your head, I think, this behavior and this vibe that you re getting.
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There s something else pushing them away, and you re assuming
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that it s because you are poor and you re still insecure about it.
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And your insecurity is what s filtering that in to look like they re rubbing it in your face, but it s definitely something else or not anything at all.
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So you don t really know why people are pushing you away.
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I mean, how could you possibly know why people are pushing you away?
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Really, we never know these things, almost never.
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So don t feel compelled to go to the wedding.
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It s probably not going to be as big of a deal as you think.
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Use half that cash and start having dinner parties as a platform for yourself.
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Invite some of those same people over for dinner if you want them to be there, if you wanna make friends with them, if you wanna be in that circle, and use that as a platform.
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Weddings can be really tough.
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Sure, they can be great for some people, but if it s gonna break the bank and be a huge problem, you re not gonna come away with some game-changing asset as a result of a wedding, most likely, so I would say save the cash and be much more particular in the way that you use it.
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You know what you could do, is you could make a little short film with that money and you could hire the people that you really want to hang out with if you think that s the way to do it.
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But buying friends, not usually the best piece of advice.
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I d say, don t worry about it, it s mostly in your head and it s probably, if there is anything, it s not because you were born without cash, I ll tell you that.
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Alright, next up.
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Hey AOC team, thank you for the amazing podcast.
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I have a question and hope you can help me here.
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I m 30 years old and my girlfriend is 28.
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We ve been together close to two years now.
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Both of us are type A personalities.
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We both want to start a business and do make things for ourselves.
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We challenge each other all the time.
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We also have been living together for a little over a year.
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We ve been very helpful and supportive of each other.
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Since we ve been together, we went through a lot of stuff.
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For example, she graduated from college and we helped each other find the jobs that we wanted.
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We helped each other get out of debt and start saving money.
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We went from negative $20,000 to a positive $15,000.
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We re both hustlers.
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We click on a lot of things.
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We always have fun, go out, do things, laugh a lot, try different things.
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It s an amazing all-around relationship, except one thing.
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Our sex life lately has been bad.
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When we started dating, we would have sex constantly, four to five times a week.
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In the last six to eight months, we ve been having sex once or twice a month.
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I tried everything.
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Date nights, sexy texts during the day, spontaneous sex, etc.
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Nothing works.
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I talked to her about it.
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She told me that it s because we work a lot of hours.
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But we were working a lot of hours when we met and we found time for sex.
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I know she s not cheating because she s always working or at home.
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She does go out with the girls, but she s always home early.
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She s a sexual person and I know she loves sex.
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I just don t know why we don t have it.
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My dilemma is, should I stick with this girl and try to figure it out or call it quits?
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I know it s easier to leave and find someone else, but I absolutely love this girl and I love that we click in other departments.
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Thanks for your advice, Mark.
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Hey Mark, decline in this area, it s normal to an extent, right?
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The sexual desire decline, it s normal to an extent.
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It depends on a lot of different factors.
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First and foremost, go to a therapist or even see a doctor if you guys are comfortable doing that.
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The first thing you do in any
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psychological situation at all is make sure you rule out medical, actual medical reasons.
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You know, it could be a hormonal thing.
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There s a lot, a lot of factors here.
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Go to a therapist.
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That s always a good idea anyway for pretty much any problem, and they ll probably send you to a doctor just to make sure.
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Because like I said, she could have a stress issue that s unaddressed or it could just be that there s so much other things going on in your life that you re not prioritizing it.
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The personality fit though in relationships is much more important than the physical fit over the long term.
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That s what all the science is saying, that s what every married parent relationship
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indicates, right, over the long term.
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Both places, though, have to be in place, for sure, in order for you guys to have something that lasts.
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So, I would say try to work this out.
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It s definitely something that s fixable in most situations, and make sure the chemistry and the personality stuff is all in place.
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You gotta take care of it.
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You gotta take care of that relationship, man, or it will break down.
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The good news is, it s not as hard as it sounds, right?
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I mean, there are people out there whose entire careers for decades and decades are based around solving this problem.
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It s definitely doable if both of you put in a little bit of effort.
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Hope y all enjoyed that.
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Don t forget, you can email us, fridayattheartofcharm.com to get your questions answered on the air.
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I feel like we were just...
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Lickety split with this one.
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The questions were three times longer than the answers.
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That s not the usual way we do it.
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It s usually backwards.
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But anyway, hope you all enjoyed that.
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A link to this blog post can be found at theartofcharm.com slash fmf79.
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Also, don t forget the Art of Charm Challenge.
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Text CHARMED.
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That s C-H-A-R-M-E-D to 33444 in the U.S., or if you re not, go to theartofcharm.com.
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We ll take you step-by-step on becoming better at making personal and professional connections, becoming a better networker, increasing your personal social capital and charisma, and it s for both guys and gals, so check that out.
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Text CHARMED, C-H-A-R-M-E-D to 33444 in the U.S., or if you re not, just go to theartofcharm.com.
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Quick shout out to Dina, James Swanwick s girlfriend, who listens to Art of Charm religiously and says it s just slightly better than his podcast.
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I appreciate that, he was right there.
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So it s all good.
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Making fun of somebody to their face, somehow more polite than doing it behind their back, right?
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And to my friend Kevin Rapp, happy belated birthday, man.
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Sorry I missed your birthday party.
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Are you in a strange land listening to my familiar voice?
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If so, hit me up and I ll shout you out.
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More from Art of Charm at theartofcharm.com, including info on our live residential boot camps that we run
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every single week here in LA.
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So if you really want to dig into this stuff and work on your AOC skills with us as your coaches, that s the way to do it, bootcamp.theartofcharm.com.
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Now stay charming, get out there and connect, and leave everyone better than you found them.
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Thanks for listening to The Art of Charm.
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Get more confidence, relationship skills, life hacks, and more.
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at theartofcharmpodcast.com