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I m going to start today out with a little story.
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A few weeks ago, I was talking to a loved one, and this particular loved one makes music.
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They were talking about how easy it is to make ambient music, music that s just pretty much sounds.
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No singing, just sounds, but cool sounds.
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I was like, oh my God, I wish I knew how to make ambient music.
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I can t play instruments and it takes a long time to learn how to play instruments.
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I wish I at least knew how to make ambient music because number 1, I like listening to it.
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Number 2, it would be so cool to put ambient music in my YouTube videos.
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I was like, oh my God, it d be so fun to make a YouTube video and then make my own music for the video.
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I was like, that would be so cool.
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And I was like, but there s just no way.
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Like, there s no way I would figure it out.
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And the person I was talking to was like, Emma, it s so easy.
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It s so easy.
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You can learn how to do it.
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I was like, no, no, I don t think I can.
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They were like, why?
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They were like, I literally Googled it.
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And then focused on it for like 48 hours and then I knew how to do it.
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They were like, I taught myself.
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You can just teach yourself.
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You can totally do it.
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And I was like, no, but I can.
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They re like, yes, you can.
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And it was like.
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this back and forth for a few minutes, and then I realized, I stopped in my tracks and I realized, I have a problem.
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I have a mental block.
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For some reason, I don t believe that I can teach myself something successfully, especially something that doesn t come naturally to me.
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I ve never been naturally good at playing instruments.
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Actually, that s not necessarily true.
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I have good natural rhythm, which is very helpful when it comes to playing instruments.
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But what I don t have is the patience that it takes to learn how to play an instrument.
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So I ve never stuck to it and I ve always quit early on.
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Anyway, I don t feel like I m musically inclined.
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On top of that, I m not confident in my ability to teach myself how to do something.
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And I had this sort of epiphany.
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I was like, I have all of these poisonous thoughts floating around my head about why I can t teach myself how to make ambient music.
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And I don t even think that these beliefs are true.
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I realized that that was a limiting belief.
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Now, I ve heard about limiting beliefs a lot, and I ve explored the topic a little bit, but I ve never really dug into it up until now.
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And I think it s a fascinating and important topic.
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So that s what we re going to dig into today.
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Limiting beliefs.
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Let s start out with what limiting beliefs are.
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I m not gonna lie, my definitions are not super reputable.
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Like I found the best definitions on websites that are not like scientific journals, okay?
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But I thought that these definitions were good.
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So just take all this with a grain of salt, okay?
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I m not pulling these from the top psychologists in the world.
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as much as I wish I was.
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I liked these definitions.
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They were easy to understand and they feel true to me.
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So yeah, take it with a grain of salt.
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I got these definitions from betterup.com and pushfar.com, both self-help websites.
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Okay, so
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A limiting belief is a thought or state of mind that you think is the absolute truth and stops you from doing certain things.
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These beliefs don t always have to be about yourself either.
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They could be about how the world works, ideas, and how you interact with people.
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Limiting beliefs can change your life, but not always for the better.
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Do you like how I m reading this?
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Is it entertaining?
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They create self-awareness that stops you from chasing after your dreams, forming healthy relationships with people, and creating change in any area of your life.
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Having primarily negative beliefs puts boundaries and limitations on things in our lives and keeps us within our comfort zones.
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Limiting beliefs, in most cases, are unconscious thoughts, which appear as defense mechanisms to avoid possible frustrations, failure, and disappointment.
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At a time in the past, you may have suffered from something specific, and now when you come face-to-face with a similar situation, your subconscious finds a way to try to block it.
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Limiting beliefs keep us in our comfort zone.
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They can greatly limit development and achievement in our goals, both personally and professionally.
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It is these thoughts, whether conscious or unconscious, that we regard as absolute truths.
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However, these negative thoughts, which hinder our journey towards life goals, can be overcome and replaced with more optimistic messages.
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By changing your thinking, you can change everything too.
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Wow.
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Thank you so much to betterup.com and pushfar.com for these incredible explanations about what limiting beliefs are.
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Explained it better than I ever could have.
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So I became hyper aware that I have this limiting belief about my ability to teach myself how to make ambient music.
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And this sort of realization caused me to realize how many limiting beliefs I do have.
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Because that s not the only one.
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I have a lot.
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Let me walk you through some of my limiting beliefs.
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Let s start with the one that we ve already discussed, the fact that I don t believe that I can teach myself things.
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Now, this is hypocritical, because I always preach that we can teach ourselves anything.
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There are so many resources out there.
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You can Google shit, you can go to the library, even though no one does that anymore, and you can read a book about it,
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If you don t want to go to the library, open up your iPad, download a book onto your iPad, ask someone in your life who knows how to do something.
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Like, we have endless resources, okay?
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We can teach ourselves anything we want to teach ourselves.
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All the resources are there.
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I m all about spreading that message because I believe that it s true.
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But yet, I didn t realize until recently that I had a limiting belief about my own personal ability to teach myself things.
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I believe that the rest of the world can teach themselves things, but for some reason, I don t believe I can teach myself things.
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I ve been subconsciously telling myself that it s too hard for me because I m not smart enough and I m not capable enough to figure it out and that it s too hard to find adequate resources.
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Like, oh, you know, how do I know that my resources are good?
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How do I know that I m learning something the right way?
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Oh, it s too hard.
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I subconsciously tell myself that I don t have enough discipline and motivation.
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I m just not a focused enough person.
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No, I m not.
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Also, I m lazy.
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I convince myself that I m lazy because a lot of times with my free time, I tend to relax.
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Like when I m not working, I m relaxing most of the time.
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And I ve convinced myself that that s lazy.
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So I just think I m lazy in general.
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And lazy people can t teach themselves how to do new things, now can they?
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I ve subconsciously told myself that I don t have enough time.
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And not only that, but it s not worth my time.
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This sounds so dark, but if it s not work and it s challenging, it s not worth my time.
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I ve subconsciously convinced myself that there s no use in challenging myself outside of my work life, because what s the point?
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paying the bills, you know?
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That s terrible.
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That s so dark.
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And it s crazy to me how different that perspective is from the message that I spread to the rest of the world, you know?
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It s a weird moment to have when you realize that your beliefs about the world are different than your own beliefs about yourself.
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And when I was digging into all my limiting beliefs, I noticed that that was a recurring theme.
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Like, I believe that the world and the people in the world have endless opportunities and anything is possible and dreams can come true.
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But for some reason, I don t believe that about myself because I have so many limiting beliefs about myself.
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Another example of a limiting belief that I have is that I ll never be enough for a man.
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Sorry.
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I know it s so sad, but I definitely have that belief subconsciously.
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And again, it s hypocritical because I will tell everyone, I ll scream it from the rooftops.
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There are so many fish in the fucking sea.
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You will find someone.
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There s someone out there for everyone.
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Like I genuinely believe that.
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except for for myself for some reason.
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To sort of dissect this limiting belief, like why do I think that I ll never be enough for a man?
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It s because I have the limiting belief that there s always someone out there who s better than me, prettier than me, smarter than me, funnier than me, cooler than me, of course.
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I also have the limiting belief that I m not attractive enough, feminine enough to be satisfactory for a guy.
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subconsciously, that guys only like me when they want something from me, like they can gain something from me.
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Now, I know that that s not true.
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Like in my conscious mind, I know that that s not true.
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I know that I can absolutely be enough for a man.
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I know that.
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I know that in my conscious mind.
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I know that.
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I know that it doesn t matter that there are always going to be
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you know, girls out there who are better than me.
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I know that I m attractive enough and feminine enough for a man to like me.
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I know that there are guys out there who like me for me and don t want to gain anything from me.
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But alas, I have those limiting beliefs.
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And so even though in my conscious mind, I know the truth, those subconscious voices are still there.
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And it s so confusing.
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I also have this about rejection.
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I have the limiting belief that I can t handle rejection.
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So I shouldn t try anything that will lead me to being rejected.
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This is especially prominent in romantic situations.
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I definitely avoid being emotionally vulnerable at times out of fear of being rejected.
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You know, I might want to be sappy and sweet, but I ll never be the first one to do it because I have the limiting belief that if I get rejected, I won t be able to handle it.
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It ll destroy me or something.
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Upon reflection, I avoid trying new work endeavors sometimes that I m not 3,000% certain that I m good at because I believe I will be rejected and I believe that I won t be able to handle that rejection.
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When in reality, I know I m capable of handling rejection.
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I m certain I m capable of it.
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I ve been rejected before, and yeah, it sucked, but it s always ended up being worth it.
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I ve never regretted an action that led me to being rejected.
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It s always taught me something, or it s always allowed me to speak my truth in one way or another.
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I ve been rejected by guys.
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I ve been rejected in the workplace.
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And I ve always handled it just fine.
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Like, I know I can handle it.
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So I don t know why I avoid putting myself in situations where I ll be rejected because I know I can fucking handle it.
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But it s this subconscious limiting belief that prevents me from doing these things.
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And again, I m a hypocrite because I will scream from the rooftops once again that it s so worth it to put yourself in positions where you could be rejected because that means that you re being yourself.
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And it means that you re doing your best and it means that you re...
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doing what you want to do.
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It s always better to try and get rejected than to not try at all.
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I know that, but it s these limiting beliefs.
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Last example, I have the limiting belief that I m not working hard enough unless I m overwhelmed and stressed out.
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Okay, I have convinced myself subconsciously that the sign of good work ethic is misery, is pain, is agony, is
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exhaustion.
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For some reason, I believe that having a healthy work-life balance is lazy.
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Now, again, again, you re probably thinking to yourself, like, Emma, this is insane.
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These are all things that you ve openly said.
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Like, it s so crazy how my beliefs towards the world and other people in the world are so different than my beliefs towards myself.
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Like, I treat myself so differently than I treat the rest of the world.
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The advice that I give the rest of the world is not always aligned with the standard that I uphold for myself, the advice that I give myself.
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I m far more toxic with myself.
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And it s because of these limiting beliefs.
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So those are just a few examples of my limiting beliefs.
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I definitely have more.
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I m already thinking of more.
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When I have tried to quit nicotine in the past, I ve been filled with limiting beliefs.
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I ve told myself, it s going to be too hard.
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I m not going to be able to mentally handle it.
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I ve told myself, I don t have to quit because it s not showing any negative signs yet that I m addicted.
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I ve told myself that it s fine because I don t consume nicotine in the form of cigarettes and cigarettes are much more unhealthy than a vape or, you know, like, do you get what I mean?
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So all of that to say, I m very hyper aware of my limiting beliefs right now.
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I think that s very clear to all of us, right?
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That s very clear to us.
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Emma is hyper aware of these.
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I m kind of at a loss about how to get rid of them, because I m aware that they re there now, and I also know that they re not true.
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Like, as I ve mentioned this whole time, I give advice to my friends, my family, to you listening to this podcast, that contradicts all of my limiting beliefs.
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And I mean that advice when I say it to my core, but yet these limiting beliefs are still present and they still impact me and I ve not been able to fully shake them.
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Now, when I reflect on my past before I was super conscious of these beliefs, I have many memories of me combating these limiting beliefs without even realizing that I was doing it, but it wasn t clear to me like it is now.
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And I want to get rid of them altogether, but I don t know how.
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So you want to know what I did?
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I fucking Googled it.
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I Googled it.
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And so let s go through the internet s advice, specifically betterup.com and pushfar.com.
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Let s go through the internet s advice for me on how I should get rid of my limiting beliefs.
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And maybe these will be helpful for you too, because I don t think there s a human on this planet who doesn t have limiting beliefs.
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So first, it s important to learn where the beliefs came from.
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It could have come from your family.
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Growing up, your parents and other family members impact the way that you see the world before you even are conscious.
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You know, these are the first people that you encounter in the world.
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And we re very susceptible to the people around us.
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We re very malleable, especially when we re young.
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Our core beliefs start with our family, whether our family intentionally pushes those beliefs on us or not.
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Could be life experience.
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Any experience that we have in life gives us a distinct feeling that we remember.
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And vivid experiences cause us to come to conclusions about the way that life works.
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And that impacts what we do in the future.
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If we have a good experience doing something, then we ll do it again.
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If we have a bad experience doing something, we won t do that again.
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I mean, sometimes, I mean, it s not like that always, but you get what I m saying.
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Could be education.
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When it s someone s job to share information with you and beliefs with you,
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you naturally are inclined to absorb them because there are certain people in our lives, teachers, mentors, doctors, etc, etc.
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We re sort of trained to trust these types of people and so when they tell us something, we take it as fact a lot of time.
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I feel like, especially when we re young, we look to these authority figures like God, in a way, and everything that they say is Bible, you know?
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Society can also impose standards that generate limiting beliefs.
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Religion can sometimes spread limiting beliefs because there s always a set of rules with religion.
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This is good, this is bad.
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And sometimes those things are obvious, like, yeah, don t go and kill someone, obviously that s bad.
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But sometimes they re a little bit more opinion-based, and that s where it gets a little bit tricky.
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Okay, so the first step, apparently, is to figure out where the limiting belief came from.
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Then you need to go in to your brain and identify your limiting beliefs.
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So I already did that with at least a good chunk of my limiting beliefs.
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The internet recommends that you reflect on your behavior, figure out when this belief formed and why, then write everything down on paper.
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It s easier to organize your thoughts when they re outside of your messy brain.
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Like trying to organize things like this just in your head is so, it s so challenging.
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It s just messy, at least for me.
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and then make a list of your challenges.
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Write down your challenges and look for any patterns.
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This will show where your specific problem areas are and can help you sort of connect the dots and figure out, okay, what are my limiting beliefs?
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Where are they showing up in my life?
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Et cetera.
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And then last but not least, it s time to eradicate the limiting belief.
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Get that shit out of your head.
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Now, this is where it really gets interesting because I feel like I personally have done the first two
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but I ve yet to fully get rid of them.
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So this is where I m getting excited.
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Whoa, I m on the edge of my freaking seat.
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Ooh, I can t wait.
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How am I going to get these out of my stupid little head?
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Start out by realizing and recognizing that your belief may simply be a belief founded on falsities.
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It s likely to be completely untrue and just a belief, not a fact.
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This is so huge, actually.
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It sounds simple, but it s such an important reminder.
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I think now that I m aware of my limiting beliefs, every time one comes up, I can tell myself, hey, this is not a belief rooted in reality.
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This is a belief rooted in a mini little trauma or a dumb idea that you picked up a long time ago.
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And I think that that will help me, but we ll see.
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I ll have to give you guys an update later after I implement these things.
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Another helpful step would be to recognize that it s just a belief, not a fact, and then to question it.
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Like, let s say you have the limiting belief that you re lazy.
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Question that.
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Be like, what does lazy mean to me?
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What does it mean to be lazy?
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Let s define that in our heads.
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Then look at your life and be like, am I really lazy?
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Is that actually true?
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And you might find that it is true.
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Then you can be like, okay, well, why am I lazy?
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It s going down a rabbit hole of asking why and why and why and why.
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Next step is to determine the consequences of holding on to a limiting belief.
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I think making yourself aware of how something is hurting you can weirdly motivate you more to get it under control.
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If you re not aware vividly of how it s harming you, then you might just let it stick around.
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But if you re so aware of how damaging it is, you re more likely to put a plan together to really make it stop.
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Next, choose something new to believe in, something that will improve your life.
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If you ve had a certain belief for a long time, there s a chance that you have a strong emotional bond to the belief.
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Even if it s negative, you can still have a strong connection to that belief.
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We build a foundation of beliefs that we stand on.
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And if you have a limiting belief that s a huge chunk of your foundation, taking that out makes you feel uneasy.
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But I guess what this piece of advice is saying is it s helpful to find a new belief to replace the old one with so that you don t have this gaping gap in your foundation.
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I think that that is really helpful, to not only just get rid of the old belief, but to also replace it.
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That makes a lot of sense to me.
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Because if you don t have anything to replace it with, then you re so much more likely to just go back to that limiting belief.
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But if you believe, I m unlovable, and then you change that belief to, I m very lovable.
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It s kind of an obvious example, but now every time you say to yourself, I m unlovable,
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You immediately are like, no, actually that s not true.
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I am and I know that because that s my new belief.
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Whereas if you just decide, I don t believe that I m unlovable anymore, but you don t have this new belief to cling on to, then you re left with this empty hole.
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The unlovable example was actually horrible and awful and I regret it because it s such a simple example.
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Like you either are lovable or you re not.
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But I can t go back in time, can I?
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And give another example.
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So... I m just gonna hope that you re patient with me today.
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You get what I m saying, okay?
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You get what I m saying.
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Next piece of advice is to take action and start implementing things that support your new belief.
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If your limiting belief told you that you were too old to start a new hobby, instead adopt the belief that it s never too late to start.
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And then spend 15 minutes that day working on that new hobby.
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I do think taking action is so crucial.
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You can start to prove yourself wrong.
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You can show yourself through action that your limiting beliefs were wrong.
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And that helps you to solidify your new belief.
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But if you re just trying to convince yourself in your imagination, it s much harder.
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Because a lot of times, our limiting beliefs come from life experience, you know?
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Things that we ve been told by people that we respect, good or bad experiences that we ve had, et cetera, et cetera.
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It s like, we learned our limiting beliefs through vivid life experience.
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We need to teach ourselves new beliefs also through vivid life experiences.
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To get there, we have to put ourselves out of our comfort zone a little bit, but if we can do that, then it s good.
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And last but not least, conditioning yourself to your new beliefs means creating the reality you want for yourself in your mind, visualizing the results that you want to achieve.
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Visualization is a great way to create anticipation.
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You will mentally experience the result you want to achieve.
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With this, you ll be sending congruent signals to your brain, making it work for you.
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That s a really abstract piece of advice from the internet, but I m going to try to analyze it anyway.
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I feel like what it s trying to say is when you visualize the life that you want to have, you ll attract the life that you want to have.
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So if you visualize a life without limiting beliefs and you can figure out what that looks like, like, oh, if I got rid of all my limiting beliefs, this is what my life would look like.
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then it s much easier to work towards that because you have a clear vision of what your life would be like without those limiting beliefs.
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And not only will that motivate you to get rid of the beliefs, but it also gives you a clear thing to work towards.
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You know, it s hard to sort of work towards an abyss.
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I don t know.
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Okay.
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All right.
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I m going to try this shit and I ll let you know how it goes.
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Not that you care, but I thought that it might be fun for me to go through my limiting beliefs and figure out how I m going to eradicate them.
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And I thought maybe you d want to sit here with me and listen to me figure it out.
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So with my limiting belief about my inability to teach myself things, I think what I need to do is I need to go and teach myself something successfully.
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I need to make time to teach myself how to make that stupid ambient music.
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I need to go and learn how to make that stupid ambient music, and I need to prove to myself that I can.
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Then once I teach myself how to do that, I need to continue to prove to myself that I can teach myself things, especially things that I don t believe I m naturally good at.
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because that s a limiting belief within itself.
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Oh, I m not naturally good at that.
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That s, like, we say that type of shit when it s not even true.
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For the limiting belief that I will never be enough for a man, I need to replace the thought that there will always be someone out there who s better than me with there s no one else out there like me.
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There s only one me.
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There s only one Emma, you know?
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Well, no, there s actually a lot of people named Emma.
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Excuse me.
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There are a lot of people named Emma.
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It s actually a very popular name, but
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There s no one else out there like me.
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There s one of me, and that s special.
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I need to replace the belief that I m not attractive enough, I m not feminine enough, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, with, again, I m exactly who I am, and that s special, and that s exciting to some.
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I need to replace the belief that people only like me to gain something from me with, there are a lot of people out there that just like me for me.
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And I know those people.
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I ve met those people.
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They exist.
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In a romantic and non-romantic setting.
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Have I also been in a romantic situation where somebody wanted to use me for their gain?
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Sure, sure.
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But I ve also experienced romantic situations where that wasn t the case.
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So I know it s possible, but for whatever reason, my brain has chosen the limiting belief.
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You know what I mean?
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So I need to remind myself that that s not always the case, and I know that.
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When it comes to rejection, I need to replace my fear of being rejected with the belief that I ll never regret speaking my mind, doing my best, and being myself.
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If I m scared of being vulnerable in a romantic situation because I think I ll be rejected, I need to tell myself, yeah, I might be rejected, but you know what?
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It s okay, because at least I said what I wanted to say.
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If I m anxious about trying a new work endeavor because I think I m gonna be rejected, so what if I get rejected?
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I won t know if I don t try.
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And last but not least, I m replacing my limiting belief that I m only working hard if I m overwhelmed and stressed out with working hard does not have to be a horrible thing.
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You can work hard and have a healthy work-life balance.
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That s what I m replacing that with.
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You can work hard and still have a healthy work-life balance.
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Okay, we ll see how it goes then.
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We ll see how it goes then.
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I don t know.
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It was really unsettling for me to become hyper aware of all these beliefs.
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And it was hard for me to admit to myself because I didn t want to believe that the advice that I give to the world could be so different to the beliefs that I hold so close to my own heart.
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that are negative.
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It was unsettling to see the difference between the way that I see the world and the way that I see myself.
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And this is how my limiting beliefs present themselves, but everybody s different because some people have more limiting beliefs about the world or about how life works.
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Mine are very self-centered.
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When it comes to limiting beliefs, I m a narcissist, okay?
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It s all about me.
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No one else exists, but I don t know.
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I m excited to see how eradicating these beliefs impacts my life, and maybe at some point I will update you on that.
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But anyway, I hope you enjoyed this episode, and if you did, tune in Thursdays and Sundays.
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Video episodes are exclusive on Spotify, but you can stream anywhere you get podcasts.
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You can follow anythinggoes on Instagram at anythinggoes.
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You can follow me on Instagram at Emma Chamberlain.
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You can check out my coffee company, Chamberlain Coffee.
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We might be in a store near you.
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Go on chamberlaincoffee.com and go on the store locator and see if we re in a store near you.
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And if we re not, or if you just don t want to go to the store,
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Order a Chamberlain coffee online.
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We have coffee.
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We have matcha.
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We have cute mason jars.
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We have cute straws.
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We have cute cups.
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We have cute tote bags.
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We have it all.
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We don t.
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We don t have it all.
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But you know what?
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No one does.
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And that s all I have for today.
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Thank you all for listening and hanging out.
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It s always my pleasure.
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I love getting to chat with you.
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I love getting to hang out with you.
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And if you do too, then I ll talk to you soon.
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And if you don t, then I won t talk to you soon.
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And I hope that all goes well for you.
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It s totally fine.
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Okay, I love you all and appreciate you all and I will talk to you so, so soon.
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Bye for now.
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Bye now.
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Okay, bye.