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Welcome to Minnesota Monday happy to be here with you kicking off the week with something quick and actionable that you can implement right away This stuff makes you more magnetic.
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It makes you more effective and today We ve got Ryan holiday talking about dealing with ego and people that you simply can t stand.
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Here s Ryan I d love to hear your thoughts on
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What to do when we have that person where we think about them and they just fill us with revulsion and rage and we can t stand them and they re getting what we should have.
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What do we do about that?
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How do we control our ego?
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How do we manage that?
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Look, I ve been there myself, right?
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There s one of my favorite songs is always loved by not a surf.
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And so I always love because hate will get you every time.
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And I think that s what you find is that, you know, you have this sort of hatred or resentment or loathing towards someone.
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But it, it eats at you and they feel nothing.
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They don t even think about you.
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And so this is obviously ego, right?
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You re obsessed with something that s totally out of proportion with the rest of the world.
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And, and you know, Martin Luther King talked about this too.
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He s like, hate is too great a burden to bear.
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You, you should feel forgiveness and pity and love.
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And one of the things I talked about in Ego is the Enemy is, is that very idea, especially when we ve,
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fail, they re gone through something difficult.
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We want to blame everyone else.
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We want to dehumanize the people that are maybe on the other end of what we experienced instead of, you know, seeing them as human beings.
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There s a line from Socrates where he says, like, nobody does wrong on purpose.
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I think you want to remind yourself, like how often the things that you re mad about the person not only didn t do to hurt you,
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they thought they were probably doing the right thing.
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And so I try to work myself through that and I try to take that person that I feel that intense negativity or anger towards and I try to remind myself
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of a couple of things.
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One, that it s actually probably not working out as well for them as you would think it is, like they re probably not super happy.
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And two, what can I focus on that is good about them, that I like about them,
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that can fill me with some sort of positive feeling as well.
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You go not only into thinking about how their dishonesty, selfishness, laziness, whatever, are not gonna, just not only not gonna work out for them in the end, and how the things that are causing you to dislike them are likely part of their own punishment, but also you try to figure out a reason why you don t necessarily have the same ill will towards them.
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Yeah, or oftentimes, like, let s say there was someone you worked with, and then they screwed you over at some point.
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And so you re really angry about that thing that they did.
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But maybe there s something else in your history that you can be really grateful for.
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Or, you know, maybe it was just the way that they screwed you over opened your eyes.
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It taught you something about them.
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It taught you something about the world.
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Can you find some gratitude or appreciation for the fact that, hey, I m glad they showed me who they they are.
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I m glad they showed me this side of my of themselves before it was too late, before it was worse.
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I feel like, you know, the mind can contort itself in all different ways.
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You might as well contort it in some way that makes you feel less bad than continue to contort it in a way that makes you feel more miserable.
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Yeah, that s true, that s true.
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That s always sort of been the case for me, looking at former business partners or people I ve worked with that have just tried their hardest to screw over AOC, screw me over.
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In the end, it was never worth it.
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It s that old adage about hate is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
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That s right.
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Ryan, thank you very much, man.
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Always good to hear from you, and this will be super useful.
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Thanks for having me.
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Special thanks again to Ryan for that.
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Now don t forget about the Art of Charm Challenge.
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It helps you connect with others, create more productive personal and business relationships, has step-by-step challenges every single week to help you move forward.
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You can get that by texting charmed, that s C-H-A-R-M-E-D, to 33444 in the USA, or go to theartofcharm.com slash challenge and get rocking.
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Now here s producer Jason with this week s upcoming attractions.
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Thanks Jordan!
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On Tuesday, we sit down with Michael Shermer, founder of Skeptic Magazine, author of several books on belief, and writer for Scientific American.
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We re going to talk about how beliefs form in our brain and why they persist even when we know they re wrong, why smart people are even more susceptible to faulty beliefs, why people believe weird things, and how our genes influence our political and religious beliefs.
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On Thursday, Jordan talks to author David Berkus about how to manage your existing network, why contacts at your former job may be even more important now than when you were there, how your productivity is affected by those around you, and how to maximize those effects for the better.
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And as always, we ll be dropping some knowledge on Fan Mail Friday.
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More from AOC at theartofcharm.com.
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For information on our live residential boot camps that we run every single week in LA, head over to bootcamp.theartofcharm.com.
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If you want to really dig into this stuff and work on your skills with us as your coaches, there s no better place to start.
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That s bootcamp.theartofcharm.com.