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Welcome to the Art of Charm.
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I m your host, Jordan Harbinger.
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I m here with producer Jason DeFilippo.
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Here at the Art of Charm, we may not have all the answers, but we certainly have some of the questions, and today on Fan Mail Friday, those questions come from you.
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If you re new to the AOC podcast, Fan Mail Friday is not my favorite, most recommended place to start.
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I would say most of our content is more in-depth.
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It s a longer format.
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and interview-based.
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So check out the best of at theartofcharm.com slash best or the fundamentals toolbox at theartofcharm.com slash toolbox.
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That s where we ve got our basics of body language and nonverbal communication, the science of attraction, negotiation strategies, networking, influence, persuasion, and everything else that we teach here at the Art of Charm.
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We ll send that all to your inbox if you text charmed, that s C-H-A-R-M-E-D to 33444 in the states.
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Everywhere else, just go to theartofcharm.com.
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All right.
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to it.
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Hey gang, I m a 20 year old from Winnipeg, Canada.
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First off, let me start with saying thank you for everything you guys do.
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Art of Charm has taught me so much and has benefited my life in countless ways.
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I introduced you guys to my best friend, brother, stepdad, and dad, and all are now addicted to your podcast.
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Keep killing it.
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Here s the deal.
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I graduated from high school in 2014 and have been on a quest to figure out what to do since I left the Army Reserve the year after I graduated high school.
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Prior to that, I thought I was going to be a career soldier, and thought so since the first time I ever watched Top Gun when I was six.
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I just started studying this year, taking business at university, with the idea of gaining knowledge more so than being degree-oriented.
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Reason why is my goal is to become a business owner.
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I m incredibly passionate, energetic, and have the work ethic to be able to accomplish a goal such as owning a business.
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My family obviously pushes for school, degree, and a 9-5 career.
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Ew, I m good, thanks.
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Joining the forces again is a plan B only because it s something I can apply my work ethic to, but aside from that, I m too energetic and creative, and I feel I m wasting that potential if I don t do my own business.
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I m very content with myself and the rate at which I m growing, but I m hungry to get out there and start running things.
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I just don t know where to start.
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So knowing that, what advice could you offer for my situation?
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Sincerely, Content-ish.
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I would say in your situation, which I completely understand, you should get a job anyway, and you should do a side gig.
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People always want to jump into entrepreneurship, and it s really, really, really, really not a good idea, and it s not necessary.
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And by jumping to entrepreneurship,
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I don t mean dip your toes wet, get started with it, start something.
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I mean, people want to go all in.
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And I ve talked about this a little bit before, even with Gary Vaynerchuk, who s kind of Mr. All In.
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And we agreed, it s not a good idea to burn the ships.
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A lot of motivational speakers talk about burning the ships and doing it.
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They re not in your situation, they don t know your situation.
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And often, if we really look at what they did, they didn t follow their own advice.
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Don t burn the ships and what I mean by that is quit your job or not have a way to pay the bills until your business makes money because you can do everything right in a small business and still run into higher costs than you expected, lack of profit, lower profit.
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You need to be able to survive.
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You re not going to be able to give your business everything it needs if you re trying to figure out how to pay the rent and how you re going to eat.
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It just does not work.
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and you end up making huge mistakes even when you are successful such as taking on investor cash or VC capital and giving away equity when you wouldn t have had to do that if you bootstrapped and the only way to really do that is to have money in the first place.
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So you should only quit your job once you can scale and you should be the last part of the business that can t scale because you have a job and the business needs more of you to scale.
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In other words, you have to be the bottleneck
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Don t delude yourself into thinking you re the bottleneck too early because you just want to quit your job because that s some sort of badge of honor when it comes to running a business or being an entrepreneur.
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I know a lot of entrepreneurs that quit their job at a restaurant or a law firm or wherever because they wanted to tell all their friends that they were entrepreneurs and they thought their family would approve because they went all in and they ended up with even more problems than they had in the first place.
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You need to outsource yourself as much as possible first
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Don t try to jump in and then hire help.
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Hire the help first.
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The reasons for this are twofold.
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You ll be more creative with outsourcing if you can t do things yourself because of time or whatever.
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That ll keep you from drowning in minutia early on, which is a mistake that most entrepreneurs make.
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And two, you ll be super, super streamlined and lean and you can focus only on what you can do.
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in the business and that ll make you better at your craft and possibly better at finding out that your own company almost doesn t really need you and that you can work a lot less once your company is making enough money or you might even just go and start another company and that s ideal.
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The ideal situation here is that the company doesn t even need you to operate as you can see I probably screwed that up given that
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how the show works, but I love doing this, thank goodness.
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Now, people don t want jobs.
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It seems like some kind of failure, but that s not the case.
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Not having a full-time job but instead being an entrepreneur has to stop being some badge of honor because it is all ego and it has nothing to do with the business and everything to do with not wanting to have a boss or some other concern.
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Bosses and jobs teach us a lot.
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I wish I d had a job a lot longer than I did, and if I had to do it all over again, I would work at my job longer
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not less.
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So content-ish, I know that s probably not what you want to hear, but that s what I strongly believe, and I highly advise you to take that under consideration.
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All right, next up.
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Over the last 17 years, we have launched our fair share of online courses, coaching programs, and finding the right platform has always been a challenge.
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They say if you do what you love, you never work a day in your life.
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But if you re an entrepreneur, you know the hard work that comes with it.
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That s why you need Kajabi.
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Kajabi makes it easy to run your entire online business from one platform so you can focus on what you love, creating.
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Kajabi is the ultimate all-in-one platform that helps creators and entrepreneurs build successful online businesses by unlocking predictable recurring revenue.
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No matter your niche, Kajabi makes it easy to turn your skills, passions, and experiences into enriching online courses, exclusive membership sites, subscription podcasts, thriving communities, personalized coaching, and more.
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The best part?
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Kajabi doesn t cut into your revenue because everything is owned and controlled by you.
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So keep 100% of what you earn.
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And with Kajabi, you also get robust analytics, easy payment options, email marketing tools, and customizable website templates, all built in.
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You don t even need a huge audience to make sustainable income.
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There are thousands of creators on Kajabi making six and seven figures with less than 50,000 followers.
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Right now, Kajabi is offering a free 30-day trial to start your business if you go to kajabi.com slash charm.
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That s K-A-J-A-B-I dot com slash charm.
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Go to Kajabi.com slash charm and join the creators and entrepreneurs who have made over seven billion dollars.
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Hey Art of Charm listeners, I m excited to share a new podcast I ve been absolutely binging.
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Winning is an everyday mindset and Craig Robinson and John Calipari are here to help.
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On Ways to Win podcast, Craig and Coach Cal use their on-court wisdom to solve your off-court problems.
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Whether it s trouble at home or a workplace dilemma, the coaches will help you find a winning formula for success.
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You ll hear from prominent athletes, business leaders, and celebrities who reveal insights that made them into the leaders they are today.
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And don t miss President Obama sharing how he deals with pressure by projecting confidence, believing in your team, and taking criticism.
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Listen to Ways to Win wherever you get your podcasts.
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Andre wants to know, why don t you have the same ads as every other podcast?
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It seems like most shows have the same stuff, but AOC has different things.
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I m curious as to why.
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Hey Andre, interesting questions.
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Yeah, I mean, normally sort of the logistical stuff doesn t interest me as much, but I figured I would address this.
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I mean, we do have some overlap.
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But I also get a lot of demo products, and I always ask for the product before I do the ad, and some of them just stink.
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And I decline to advertise for those companies.
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I figure if my experience sucks, I assume your experience will also suck, and I won t sell it.
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And I won t sell it especially for money, because your trust over the long term of The Art of Charm and of the show, over the long term, that is worth a lot more than cash in the short term.
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Economically, this also makes sense as well, because if you buy something from the show and it s a piece of crap, you might not want to buy something from the Art of Charm, because you might assume at some level that we re okay with crap.
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So it s a bad decision to take on sponsors that I don t like, and I also won t advertise for things that are bad for you, in my opinion, or scammy.
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So I don t do ads for gambling, I won t do ads for dating services, I won t do ads for certain types of investment products, low-quality gadgets, doodads, et cetera.
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Hi Jordan, Battleaxe here, another great collection.
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Regarding the call sign question, here s my take on what my old squadrons would give you as a call sign, back in the day when no one got much of a trigger warning or safe place.
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I suspect your surname would be corrupted almost immediately into Hardbanger, and then shortened into Banger.
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Naval aviators are notorious for being mildly lazy, crude, and once in a great while creative.
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Not saying that this is an example.
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My personal favorite is the call sign of my old friend Peter A. Pellegrino.
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When checking into a squadron as a new guy, you were handed a sign-in sheet, very old school, and you had to run around and check in with
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all the departments and initial it when you did.
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Pete dutifully initialed all his check-ins with his initials, PAP.
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Thus it was that his call sign was born, much to his dismay.
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Call sign, Smear.
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You can t make this stuff up.
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Have a good one, shipmate.
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Karen. 
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Cool, Battleaxe.
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I always wanted a nickname that wasn t also something you d wipe off your shoe before going in the house.
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I love that Karen s kept in touch.
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AOC has to be one of the few shows where a lot of the guests also listen to the program.
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I just love that.
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I love that, thanks for writing in and thanks for the nickname.
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Larry asked me this interesting question, which is flattering and humbling.
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He said, Jordan, you re really funny.
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Have you ever done open mic or why don t you do stand up?
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And I ve gotten some, which is surprising to me, but I ve gotten some questions like this over the years because I seem natural on stage and I seem natural on the mic and some people think I m funnier than I honestly probably am.
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But the real reason is because
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It s much easier to add comedy to something than to create it from nothing.
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This is why people you think are really funny can t just go on stage and do stand-up.
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So basically, to look at it this way, knowing a lot of comedians and folks in LA that I was friends with when I lived down there starting with The Art of Charm in the early years, and in New York for that matter,
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Comedians have to go on stage, they ve got to build a whole world, they ve got to set the table, they ve got to provide context, they ve got to really nail the punchline, and they ve got to do that during an entire show, test all the material, rinse and repeat, and so that funny friend that you have, or me for example, I m just reacting to and commenting on
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what s going on during the show.
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It s a shared experience that you also have.
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That s why it seems funny.
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I could not just go on stage and do the exact same thing I m doing here and have it be entertaining.
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And that s why I think sometimes I could probably do a live podcast and it would be fun and entertaining and it would be more interesting than just listening on your podcast player, but I couldn t just stand up there by myself and have that same effect.
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So definitely shout out to those up there who, so definitely shout out to those of you who do go up, do open mic, get rejected constantly, and persevere, because that s a totally different skill set, and one that I greatly respect.
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All right, next up.
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I ve not been, and I m far from being the perfect man or husband.
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I strive to be better than I was the day before.
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I m 28, I ve been married for four years, and lived with my wife for eight.
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We also have two children, ages 5 and 2, and we live in Tennessee.
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She s always had feelings for a guy in Texas, but has done nothing sexual with him.
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I knew about this, but I didn t see this as a problem.
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They text and message each other frequently.
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I had a mutual friend text me the other day to ask me if I was still married to her due to her going out so much and posting pictures of herself while out.
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I saw her put the passcode into her phone about 3 months ago.
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I opened up her text messages and she had one to him saying, wanting you here baby.
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I approached her in a respectful way and she said, you always knew I had feelings for him and I don t know what I want.
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I love you but I have an emotional connection with him.
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I told her that I m not going to give her an ultimatum or a deadline, but I will not wait forever for her to decide what she wants.
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To be fair, I ve never come remotely close to cheating, but I have broken her trust in the past.
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I understand the scarcity mindset, but I m an attractive, tall, 28-year-old man that would have no trouble dating, but she is sweet, sexy, loving, and the mother of my children.
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Did I do the right thing here?
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Should I stay the course or tell her to choose now?
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What do you guys think?
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Thanks, Troubled in Tennessee.
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Hey, Troubled in Tennessee, this is a bummer.
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I definitely feel for you, man.
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I understand what you re going through.
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It s just, this is a dirty, gross situation.
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I can imagine how you re feeling, and it s not good.
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I got good news and bad news, right?
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The news, either way you want to take it, is that she s already choosing.
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Her actions are louder than any words she could say.
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So you can t make her choose now.
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She already did.
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The choice has been made.
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It doesn t mean the consequences are real to her yet.
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So I d say that that is eventually going to be important.
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And the kids, of course, are also a major consideration.
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Very important.
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But you breaking her trust in the past, something that you alluded to in your letter, that does not make it okay for her to do it now.
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In fact, it makes it worse, because if you made her feel really bad in the past by whatever it was that you did, and you say it wasn t cheating, so I am curious.
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The fact that that made her feel terrible and that she s doing it again to you now, this is not good at all.
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And the fact that she s trying to keep it secret and not throw it in your face, well, then this isn t just something she s doing necessarily to get even.
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This is actually something she s executing, a plan that she s executing.
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I d say therapy is mandatory.
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If not, if she won t do it, if it s not working, you bounce.
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You are young, you will be okay, but you will only be okay if you take care of yourself.
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You have to take care of yourself in order to take care of your kids, because I know what you were thinking, what about my kids?
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You have to take care of yourself in order to take care of your kids, and you re also setting an example for them.
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Do you want your son and daughter to grow up thinking this is what relationships are like, this is the level of stuff you have to put up with because family, because marriage, because kids?
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What advice would you give your own child?
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in the exact same situation.
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Ask yourself that.
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What advice would you give your own child, your son or daughter, in the exact same situation?
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And I think you will find a little bit of a clue about what you need to do in this particular instance.
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Hope y all found that useful.
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Don t forget, you can email us, fridayattheartofcharm.com to get your questions answered on the air.
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A link to the show notes for this episode can be found at theartofcharm.com slash fmf for Fan Mail Friday 94.
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Also, don t forget about the AOC challenge.
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You can text the word charmed, C-H-A-R-M-E-D, to 33444 here in the States.
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Anywhere else, just go to theartofcharm.com.
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We re taking you step-by-step on becoming better at making personal and professional connections, becoming a better networker, increasing your personal social capital and your charisma, and it s for both guys and gals, so check out that challenge.
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Text the word charmed, C-H-A-R-M-E-D, to 33444, or just go to theartofcharm.com.
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By the way, I m doing a lot of speaking.
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If you re interested, reach out, Jordan at theartofcharm.com.
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Quick shout out to Daria Rose, and I m gonna butcher this, Clotilde Dussolet.
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Foodie bloggers currently enjoying the Art of Charm podcast.
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Let me know when to come by for dinner, ladies.
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And Sunrise Emmanuel, your mother loves you, and conveniently, she also loves AOC, so thank you both for being fans.
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Are you in a strange land listening to my familiar voice?
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If so, hit me up and I will shout you out.
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More from AOC at theartofcharm.com, including info on our live residential boot camps that we run every week here in LA.
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If you really want to dig into this stuff, work on your AOC skills with us as your coaches.
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Check out bootcamp.theartofcharm.com.
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Now stay charming, get out there and connect, and leave everyone better than you found them.
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Thanks for listening to the Art of Charm.
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Get more confidence, relationship skills, life hacks, and more at theartofcharmpodcast.com.