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Welcome back to the Advanced Selling Podcast, the longest running sales training podcast, Podcast History.
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I m Bill Kasky.
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We re 17 and a half years in.
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Oh, I caught you.
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I was ready to go.
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My co-host all 17 and a half years is Brian Neal.
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Welcome, Brian.
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Hey, Bill.
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Good to see you.
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Great to be with you again.
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Again, for the 1,000th time.
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We have 1,000 episodes?
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Do we?
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Oh, yeah.
1,000?
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Way over?
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Gotta go back and forth a thousand times.
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17 years times 50, we re at 1,100, 1,200, maybe?
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Yeah.
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You know what we should do?
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We should have a watch party, or a listen party, where we listen to our first three episodes and comment on what we re saying.
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That would be kind of fun, wouldn t it?
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We could do that.
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We could be good listeners.
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OK.
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That would be some jokes.
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I like it.
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Yeah.
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Well, if you are a virgin on the journey here, virgin journey with the advanced selling podcast, there is a on advancedsellingpodcast.com.
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There are the top 20 episodes, 15, 20, 25 episodes in terms of downloads.
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So if you want to start there, you don t have to begin at the very beginning.
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It s going to take you a long time to catch up.
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But if you want to do that, that s the purpose of our freedom to navigate this series and this journey however you want.
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So we re glad you re here.
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And also go to our LinkedIn page and join our group.
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You can go to advancedsellingpodcast.com slash LinkedIn, and we d love to say hi to you there.
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Please do.
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It s like with 13,000, maybe 14,000, 14,000.
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I think you re also I love about the LinkedIn group that I never realized, like, there s always benefit to like meet other people and see them stuff.
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The other thing is, when you re doing your own selling through LinkedIn, and you re doing sales research, and you see someone else s in the group, that gives you a nice little reason to, you know, a little extra thing to reach out to them say, Hey, I also see you listen to the advanced selling podcast.
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I ve been listening to those guys for 10 minutes.
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It s been great.
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You know what I like about the LinkedIn group?
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Nobody puts demands on me.
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Nobody gives me homework assignments.
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It s just easy.
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You re sort of there.
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It s like a spa.
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If you ask me a question, I ll be glad to answer it.
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I m sure Brian will, too.
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But there s no demands.
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It s a very comfortable, comforting group.
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Just a place to be.
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It s like floating in those saltwater pools now.
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They do that stuff, floating.
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Very similar.
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Very similar to that.
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I did that.
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Have you done that?
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No.
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I did that, yeah.
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The guy informed me I was woke, so that was nice.
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When he was like asking me about the young guy who was in charge of the place, wanted to interview me before I floated to make sure I was like, okay to float.
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He said, you re woke?
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You sound pretty woke.
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I think we re good.
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I m like, huh?
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Anyway.
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Yeah.
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Can you please define, define?
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I, uh, I didn t know whether to read this or not.
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This is a sad, bad, awful, but it s like the tone of this thing caught me.
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I want to get it.
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See if it caught you the same.
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There was a person, uh, in, I m not going to say even say the city or stakes.
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This person was kind of well known who found his brother decapitated.
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in his house is really bad, right?
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So imagine you go to check on your brother, you haven t seen him while you go in his house, and he s decapitated, murdered.
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It s really, really awful.
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But the way the articles written is very interesting to me, says I walked in and found him.
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I just called 911.
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It was terrible.
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I thought his coat was up over his head and it was cold or something.
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I ran out back in then I realized it was something worse.
I m going
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He goes, some other weird circumstances.
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It s just bad, isn t it?
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Right.
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The guy was found his keys in his hand, his pants were pulled down, his back door is wide open.
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That s the weird stuff.
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And so what we re doing now is the weird stuff.
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Is that right?
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Thank you.
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See, thank you.
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Like the weird stuff was that his keys were in his hand.
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Like, no, a little weirder, a little weirder.
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I don t know.
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And then they just said, you know, God bless him.
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And he said, we re just securing the property, making funeral arrangements and taking care of my mom and also share that they have plans to adopt his dog.
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What paper was this in?
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Like the Evansville Gazette?
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Adopt his dog Lucky in the wake of his death.
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They named his dog?
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This is the worst written article.
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This article should have never been written.
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I hate it for the family.
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Where was Lucky all this time?
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Exactly.
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Thank you.
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It was in the yard.
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It was back.
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It was one of the not one of the weird things that happened.
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I just read this article.
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I m like, if you re writing this article,
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You know, this is not flowing well for me.
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You know what I mean?
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Like, it s just bad.
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I just don t think it does.
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It doesn t really hit the thing.
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It just caught me a little odd.
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That s all.
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No, it s like an obituary, though.
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You know, the obits are typically glorious resumes of all the great things that a person did.
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And I always feel like, just once, I d like to have a paragraph of the crap they did.
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I spent five nights in jail for shoplifting.
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God is a savior.
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Whatever.
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I mean, when I was in college.
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Yeah.
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He was accused of rape, but I mean, it was an issue with it.
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His kids would tell you that he was very, very non-emotive, very not emotionally available at all the entire time he raised his kids.
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That s a really good idea, actually.
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You could say it in a way that saved face.
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It didn t make him out to be some kind of a nefarious creature, evil person, evildoer.
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You could say, look, he struggled in life, as we all do, with alcoholism and drug addiction.
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But that was short-lived.
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Five years later, he was sober, and he was fine.
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I mean, you could do it, but it s never that.
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And so then you read the obit, and you re like, oh, what s the real story?
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Never mind.
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Exactly.
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And this writer, this writer that you re quoting, she gave you the real story.
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So you got to give her that.
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I guess so.
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He s quoting the people.
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So I just struck me.
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I m thinking there s a, there s the coat over the head though.
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It s like, why would you write that?
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I, it s just, you know, people are hurting and that s just the very, you know, and then the weird part was, I m like, that s not the weird part, man.
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The weird part.
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It s like the, uh, the sports writer who asked, um,
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Todd Bowles, how they were going to handle the cold in Detroit for the game back.
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We re talking NFL playoffs here in Tampa Bay played in Detroit.
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And the reporter said, you know, it s 10 below in Detroit.
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How you people you re used to Tampa Bay.
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He s like, uh, it s an, it s an indoor arena 60 years.
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It ll be 30 seconds from the bus to the arena.
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So it will be good.
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We ll be all right.
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He s good.
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That s funny.
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I was reading one of our podcast reviews on the airplane this weekend.
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And we get mostly really, really good reviews.
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And a couple of ones that we have, the guy says, these guys need to get to the point.
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I m just thinking of that guy right now listening to this episode.
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So let s get to the point.
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All right.
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So last week, is it OK if I take this and do it at the stage?
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Last week, we spent some time on rapport and how do you improve the ability to create rapport with a prospect or another human being?
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And at the very end, we landed on something that we re going to talk about today, and that is, do we really have good rapport with ourselves?
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In other words, are we aligned with who we are?
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Whether you look at the true self and the false self or the spiritual self and the physical, are we aligned?
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Are we in rapport with ourself?
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Because my belief is it s hard to be
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It s hard to love another person if you don t love yourself.
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It s hard to be in rapport with somebody else if inside you re a wreck.
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And then we say, well, they don t practice very good habits of rapport with other people.
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And it s like, well, they can t.
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They can t.
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It s impossible.
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And then you relate a story of coaching, and I ll relay a story of something that I m working on.
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But I m interested in your take on that first bit.
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Yeah, this is good.
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This is a little bit, I d say this is a good introspective episode where you re going a little deep and thinking about just where you are in your own journey.
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Yeah, so working with a friend, colleague I m in another fellowship with and he s going through some things and we had talked about deserving.
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We talked about in business, we re talking about personally in business, but it was centered a little around businesses.
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Are we deserving of good things?
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Do we feel like we re deserving of good things in our business?
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It s a very deep topic because there are a lot of people
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um that inside like you said bill they ll have external rapport and they ll go through the process and quote the big deal but inside they are not prepared for the big deal they re not comfortable with accepting whatever comes along with that could be responsibility that comes along with it could be commission that comes along with it could be a promotion that comes along with it
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And we see this all the time.
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We see it, I see it myself, and then I see it in others, is processing that each step of the way when you start to hit ceilings or maybe self-sabotage.
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That stuff is really strong and powerful and needs to be looked at and addressed and thought about, I think.
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I agree.
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And the beautiful thing about the business we re in is that we are kind of forced to do that with ourselves, too.
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So if we re going to be good coaches and trainers and advisors, counselors, we have to be on top of our game, or at least be willing to work on the game if we re not on top of it at all times.
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So it s like it s a constant.
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It s in.
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in our face constantly is like, oh, well, you know, he he s really struggling with this.
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Well, wait a minute.
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I m kind of struggling with that too.
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Maybe I should take a look at myself.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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And I think
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I think the first step in this is that is to kind of self-examine.
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All of us have these boundaries up and down.
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So we have a ceiling that we hit our head against, and we have this kind of warning track thing you mentioned in the past on the deck that we won t go below.
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And I think it s important to examine those things.
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And you can put whatever label you want on it.
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You could put commission, income, net worth, a business event.
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An example would be writing a book.
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People would say, I ve always wanted to write a book.
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Like, yeah, but then you ll justify.
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Do I feel worthy?
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Like one of my peers in the coaching business, he and I talked as he got into it.
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And he s like, I don t have anything to say.
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And no one will listen to me, even if I did.
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That was his two mantras.
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And I talked to him a little bit about my experience.
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I m like, I thought the same thing.
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And the fact is, people don t know the stuff that s normal to you, stuff that s automatic to you and me.
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People don t know it.
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And they will listen.
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And there s a new generation of people that will listen.
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And helping yourself get over that, saying, OK, maybe there is something to share here, and it s OK, is a good first step.
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So examining the boundaries, where am I hitting the ceiling?
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And that s usually resistance around something.
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Could be a deal size.
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Someone saying, I work with a kid, 20-year-old guy, but young guy, and he s really great to work with.
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He went broke through a ceiling, but now he s got a new ceiling.
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He said something, he talked about starting a business and he said, um, um, capital is going to be my problem.
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Capital is my problem, meaning he doesn t have cash.
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He doesn t have cash to invest in and buy a business.
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I m like, no.
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We re not going to say capital is not my problem.
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There s capital all over the place.
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That s right.
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How many people do you know that would invest in a young enterprising plot?
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Thousands and thousands.
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He s like, oh my gosh, you re right.
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So that s his thing.
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He had to examine that.
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That rapport within himself around his availability to get investors was very, very low.
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He thought it was hard and impossible.
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And it s the opposite, really, if you do it right.
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So that s my first step.
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Yeah, that s good.
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Yeah, I think, you know, one of the things that I m always mindful of is that I think we were all
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This is going to sound really cliche-ish, but born for greatness.
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We all have greatness as a part of our DNA.
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And greatness, you can define it however you want.
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But greatness is probably not accepting average.
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Greatness is probably not saying, oh, I don t want to make more money, because then it would mess my life up.
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Or I m just going to sit around and watch the news programs all day and eat Fritos.
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What is greatness for you?
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And I think we have to define that, obviously.
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But I m always struggling with, what does that mean?
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And am I living my life that way?
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And if God truly has put a seed inside us that is supposed to blossom and prosper, and we re supposed to nourish it so that we can be great in whosoever eyes we want, in God s eyes, or our eyes, or spouse s eyes,
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And I m always trying to find that line between gratitude, I m grateful for what I have, and there s a greatness beyond this that I can both be grateful and pursue greatness.
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Yes, that s really good.
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I would say, I would argue, I don t think you can pursue greatness without being grateful.
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I think you have to be grateful.
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Um, I also think this is where, uh, so Dan Sullivan talks about this measuring backward.
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It s one of his tools that he teaches.
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And even he teaches you to start meetings with, um, he calls it the tool is called a positive focus.
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That s what Dan Sullivan calls it.
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And it s meant to be a measuring backward of what you ve done, how far you ve come.
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progress on a project, or it could be like, you know, we, you and I can sit back and go, you know what, we re really proud of our, our podcast here.
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We ve got 1200 episodes.
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We we ve stuck to it for 17 and a half years.
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And we re really proud of that.
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Um, you know, can we sell it for $10 million?
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Not quite close.
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You know, we re getting there, but who cares?
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I mean, that s, we should feel really proud about that.
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And we deserve what comes along with it, that sort of thing.
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Um,
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So how much of inner rapport is it about, am I doing what I ve been planted on this planet to do?
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Am I really serving my highest and best use?
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Or am I doing what I ve been planted on this planet to do?
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in a position that is just where I m in my element.
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Like, I feel like the work that we do, and there s days when we re, you know, we re doing things that s not in our element, but things like this, you know, is our element.
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I m not speaking for you.
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I m just assuming that we would be doing this.
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You can speak for me.
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It s been 17 and a half years.
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You can speak for me.
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But even the work that we do separately, you have your own business.
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I ve got mine.
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We are in our element when we re helping people and growing people.
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So my question is, if I m not doing something that s the Lord s work, and I don t mean that in a religious way, but in a higher dimension way, is it possible for me to be in rapport in that job?
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Or am I just faking it, in other words?
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Right.
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Yeah, that s a great thing to examine.
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I mean, I think, uh, um, Rick Rubin talks about this a bit.
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I don t know if I mentioned that on this podcast.
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Uh, Rick Rubin s a music producer, uh, executive music producer for the beastie boys is how I know him the most, but he s produced lots.
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We talked about him.
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I think I talked about him a few weeks ago.
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about Johnny Cash and that sort of thing.
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And I think I said the same thing, as I m just going to re-quote from a few episodes ago, that passion thing that you have, so that higher purpose, I think we just apply it in a different way, that higher purpose you re talking about, Bill, doesn t necessarily have to come from your job.
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that you re doing.
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This is Rick Rubin s version of that.
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So it s your point.
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So I ve got a client who is very, very, very dedicated to geriatric care.
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That s her calling.
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If you met this woman, she is all about taking care of elderly and caring for them and making sure they get a good life and all this stuff.
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And she s a salesperson.
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She sells software.
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And she side hustles her other stuff.
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Beautiful.
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And it s great.
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And when you talk to her, you feel to your point, Bill, that you re, we re asking about, you feel she is in rapport with herself.
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You will a hundred percent feel that.
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And because she does the stuff outside of the work, I feel like she s more in rapport in work.
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She talks about it openly.
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It s on her LinkedIn.
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She makes no bones about it.
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It s part of her, who she is, like me being a ref or you playing basketball in college is a part of who we are.
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And that makes it very aligned.
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And so that s a- I like that.
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Yeah, brought, like came to mind as you mentioned that.
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So she gets her passion needs or her higher dimension needs met basically after five or on the weekends where she, I think that s perfectly fine.
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And I m sure she s not miserable at work because it sounds like that kind of person is not going to tolerate a miserable existence eight to five.
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Right, right.
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Totally.
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I think it s the opposite.
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I think she s happier.
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She s probably happier.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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And then she s a better salesperson.
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And then she makes more money and is able to help her fund.
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Yeah.
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It s a big circle.
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But it s that alignment.
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And that I think what some people will do is they ll, they keep that other thing a secret from people.
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Yeah.
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And that causes the the angst what you re talking about angst of personal.
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I don t want everybody to know that I can t go to that party tonight.
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I know there s people there, but gets out.
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They find out I go play charades with old people on the weekends.
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I ll never get invited to another party.
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Like she s not like that.
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Which is of course never the case.
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Never the case.
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People love it.
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Because it s you.
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It s your true you.
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So what else in terms of inner rapport should we be looking at?
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You mentioned self-sabotage or the idea that when we get to a point of success and we shrink or we back down, I m guilty of that many times in my career.
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And eventually, I ll push through it and do it.
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But in the moment, I ll think, well, you know what?
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It s not time.
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Nobody else is doing this.
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Why would I do it?
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And there s something about that.
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there s something about this idea of trusting our instincts that we are just not good at.
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We write something down, so you know what would be cool?
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Is if we did a video podcast on a weekly basis, and we did this and this and this, oh yeah, but that s going to take time.
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We don t have the camera, my camera s not right, my audio.
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We just talk ourselves out of it.
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If the instinct was there that it was a good idea, shouldn t we write it down and at least explore it a little bit rather than immediately saying, oh, that s not going to work?
100%.
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That s the biggest symptom of this.
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This angst or this out of integrity with your Personal rapport with yourself that to me is the biggest one Okay, the first thing you think of like you re saying like I want to write a book.
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I hate writing It takes a long time.
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I hate editing.
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It s no fun.
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No one s gonna buy the book
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then I got to promote it.
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If that s the first thing, that s, I mean, right?
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No.
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And then it s, that s what you re doing.
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You re just, you re, what you re really saying is I m not comfortable.
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writing a book yet.
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And then I got to say, why aren t I comfortable with writing a book?
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Yeah.
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Then it s unique and everybody knows what I think.
SPEAKER_01
Or what if I say something that pisses people off or whatever, you know?
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00
But tell yourself the truth.
SPEAKER_00
I mean, that is part of that rapport is, are we leveling with ourselves?
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00
You know, we think of rapport with another.
SPEAKER_00
We can be honest.
SPEAKER_00
We can be maybe not 100%.
SPEAKER_00
We d be 90% honest.
SPEAKER_00
We can share with somebody else that we love, and we trust, and we report.
SPEAKER_00
Maybe it s our spouse, partner, whatever.
SPEAKER_00
Do we have those same conversations with ourself, where we say, we keep saying, oh, you know what?
SPEAKER_00
I want to write a book.
SPEAKER_00
No, you don t.
SPEAKER_00
You don t want to write a book.
SPEAKER_00
If you wanted to write a book, you would have written a book.
SPEAKER_00
You could say, though, you know, my plan is to write a book someday.
SPEAKER_00
Not there yet.
SPEAKER_00
That s it.
SPEAKER_00
That s it.
SPEAKER_01
And accepting that as OK, not beating myself up like, I know I ve got to write a book.
SPEAKER_01
I know, I gotta, you know, we do that.
SPEAKER_01
We dispense advice and people are like, I know, I know.
SPEAKER_01
I m like, be, be at peace with it.
SPEAKER_01
That s cool.
SPEAKER_01
When the time is right, the time will be right.
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01
Right.
SPEAKER_01
We d say, start a podcast.
SPEAKER_01
I know we got to start a pod, you know, you ve been talking about that for 10 years.
SPEAKER_01
I m like, it s fine, man.
SPEAKER_01
That s right.
SPEAKER_01
That s right.
SPEAKER_01
All of them.
SPEAKER_01
And so, but what people, what is not okay for me is people beating themselves up over that.
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01
And this is where it gets back to inner rapport is not okay.
SPEAKER_01
Then that shows itself in other parts of your life.
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00
I ve got a client who probably is a listener who she and I just had this discussion.
SPEAKER_00
We ve been talking about a video and a this and a that for six months.
SPEAKER_00
And other people inside the company are doing it.
SPEAKER_00
One guy s really crushing it with it.
SPEAKER_00
And she keeps saying, yeah, I just need to do that.
SPEAKER_00
And I said, look, stop.
SPEAKER_00
No, you don t.
SPEAKER_00
You re not doing it.
SPEAKER_00
So you don t need to do it.
SPEAKER_00
Find something else.
SPEAKER_00
Video s not your thing.
SPEAKER_00
That s cool.
SPEAKER_00
It s not everybody s thing.
SPEAKER_00
It shouldn t be.
SPEAKER_00
Everybody shot video all the time.
SPEAKER_00
So find a thing that s your thing and don t keep promising yourself that yeah, next month, next month s gonna be different.
SPEAKER_00
It won t be.
SPEAKER_01
There s a great book that I have called Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It.
SPEAKER_01
Is that Ravikhan?
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, Ravikhan.
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, Kamal Ravikhan.
SPEAKER_01
I love that book.
SPEAKER_01
Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It.
SPEAKER_01
It is a fantastic book that talks about the author s personal experience with this, which what we re labeling would be he would be out of integrity, out of rapport with his personal rapport, and how he got back into it.
SPEAKER_01
Love Yourself Like Your Life Depended On It.
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, I like that book.
SPEAKER_00
I read that book during the dark days of COVID.
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, it s truth.
SPEAKER_01
I did, too.
SPEAKER_01
Same.
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, you got to get there.
SPEAKER_00
All right, guys, make sure you come join our LinkedIn group, Advanced Selling Podcast dot com slash LinkedIn.
SPEAKER_00
Leave us a note there.
SPEAKER_00
Say, hey, hey, hey, hey.
SPEAKER_00
And we ll see you next time.
SPEAKER_00
OK.