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I think I have a birthday party mental block.
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For the last probably 10 years, I ve refused to throw myself a birthday party.
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And this year was no different.
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I just turned 23.
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And I made the decision that once again, I was not going to throw myself a birthday party.
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And it is kind of weird, because I actually enjoy birthday parties.
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I love going to other people s birthday parties.
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Love, like when it comes up on the calendar, I get excited.
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Like when someone texts me and says, Hey, next week I m having a birthday party.
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I m elated.
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elated.
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I love birthday parties.
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I really do.
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But my God, do I hate throwing one for myself.
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When I look inward and reflect on why I never throw a birthday party for myself, I think it s because number one, I fear that it would be an inconvenience in people s schedules.
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Which makes no sense because I get excited when somebody s birthday party comes up in the calendar.
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It s not a burden to me.
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But for some reason, I believe that if I were to throw a birthday party, it would be a burden to those who were invited.
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They d be like, oh, come on.
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Another one?
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I don t have time for this.
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I have shit to do.
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I don t want to go out tonight.
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Fuck.
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I don t want to hang out.
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No.
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What an inconvenience.
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Fuck Emma.
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She sucks.
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Why did she have to throw a birthday party?
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Now I have to go to this birthday party and it s a chore.
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Okay.
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So that s reason number one.
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Reason number two, I think I m afraid of being disappointed.
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You know, if I put a lot of money and time into planning a birthday party and everyone was busy and no one showed up, I would be very disappointed.
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I mean, obviously I would have my closest friends and family there, but
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I don t know, if I m throwing a birthday party, I want the room to be packed.
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I want it to be a fucking vibe.
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And you know, I always feel bad for people when they throw a birthday party or some sort of party and it ends up not being very fun and people sort of talk shit about it.
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And I ve seen that happen many times where, you know, a party didn t really turn out to be very fun.
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And it sort of reflects on the person who threw the party, which is sort of unfair.
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because the fate of a party is in the universe s hands.
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It s not in the hands of the person throwing the party.
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I guess in some ways it is, but.
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The energy, who shows up, it s all unpredictable.
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And it s kind of sad when somebody s party doesn t work out.
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The third reason why is because it s a lot of work.
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And I ll put in work for other people, but it s harder for me to put in work for myself unless I m super passionate about it.
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And I m not necessarily super passionate about throwing myself a birthday party.
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So there s a lack of motivation there.
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Number four, there s something inside of me that feels like throwing a birthday party for myself is too indulgent.
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Like, Emma, really?
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You think that you re so important that you should have your own birthday party?
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Which again is stupid because when other people throw a birthday party for themselves, I m like, exactly as you should.
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You should have the most phenomenal, beautiful night of your life with all the people that you love and have the best time ever.
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Like, I don t,
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see birthday parties in such a negative light for other people at all.
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But for me, I m like, you narcissistic pig.
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You want to fucking throw a birthday party for yourself?
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You re a loser and you re a narcissist and you re toxic.
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What makes you think that you deserve a birthday party?
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What makes you think that that many people care about you and will show up?
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What a loser.
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It s just negative self-talk.
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It s almost like a weird imposter syndrome.
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Like I don t feel like I deserve a birthday party.
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I don t feel like I ve earned a birthday party for some weird reason that I don t understand.
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That s how imposter syndrome is.
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It s like telling you in the back of your head that you don t deserve what you have or you don t deserve nice things even though you do.
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I definitely still have imposter syndrome with my birthday for some reason.
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gotten rid of it in the work side of my life, I think.
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I m working on it with the relationships, you know, feeling like an imposter in relationships, getting better at that.
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But I ve not addressed my birthday party imposter syndrome.
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So it s still kind of there, I m realizing.
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And last but not least, number five, I actually don t really like parties that much.
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Like I would way rather go on a trip or go out to dinner with five friends.
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Keep it low key.
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Like I kind of prefer that over going to a party.
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I don t like parties that much.
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They re so rarely fun.
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So for all of those reasons, I do not throw birthday parties for myself.
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However, I was laying in bed the other day, sort of thinking about what I would do if I were to throw a birthday party.
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And I realized that I have a lot of very strong opinions about what a good birthday party is.
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to me.
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So today I ve prepared for you a full birthday party itinerary that will maybe come to fruition one day, not this year, but maybe will come to fruition one day.
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This is my ideal birthday party.
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This is what I think the perfect birthday party would be for me.
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And I have a lot of opinions about why.
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Let s start out with the venue.
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Okay.
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Venue is very important.
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because it is the foundation for the vibe, for the energy of the party.
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Now, what I don t want is to throw the party at my own house.
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Why?
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It s going to be the worst night of my life.
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I m going to be so stressed out about whether or not my neighbors are upset with me because there s a lot of noise.
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I m going to be very concerned about whether or not my guests are rummaging through my things.
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I m going to be very stressed out about my cats and their well-being.
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Where are my cats going to be during all of this?
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They re definitely not going to be out during the party.
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Somebody s going to leave a door open.
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The cat s going to run out.
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My life will be ruined.
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The music might be loud.
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They might be upset.
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I have to hire a cleaning crew the next day to clean up my house probably because it will be so messy.
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Throwing a party at my own house sounds like a fucking nightmare.
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So that is out.
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Another thing that I think is out is throwing a party at a massive venue.
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like renting out, I don t know, like a huge space.
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I don t like birthday parties being held at a huge space because a lot of times it ends up not feeling intimate enough.
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Like there s too much space to kind of do your own thing in the corner and so you don t end up mingling.
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I think it s better to have a birthday party in a small, more intimate, homey space because people tend to bond and hang out and talk more.
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And speaking of that,
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The venue must have reasonable volume.
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Okay?
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I don t want to throw a birthday party at a club that s so fucking loud and dark that you can t talk to anyone or hang out with anyone.
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That is no fun to me.
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Do I think that there should be a dance floor?
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Absolutely.
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I think dance floors are great.
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Is it common that you ll find me on the dance floor at a party?
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No, I m always sitting in the corner talking to somebody.
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I love that.
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That s my vibe.
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Do I think there should be a dance floor anyway?
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Yes, but not like a club vibe.
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If the entire party is just a dance floor, it s a dead end.
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You get sick of that.
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You dance for an hour.
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Unless you re on drugs, you can only dance for a little bit, and then you have to sit down.
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And if it s so loud that you can t talk to anyone, then you re going to get bored when you re sitting and want to leave.
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No.
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Here s the vibe I believe in for my birthday party.
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Okay.
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We have two options that I can think of.
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Number one, a house that s not yours.
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Okay.
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A rented house of some sort.
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It s cozy.
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It s intimate.
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Some areas can be loud and have a dance floor.
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Other areas can be more quiet.
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There can be an area to hang out in the backyard.
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There s a kitchen in there where people can go in and make drinks or, you know, maybe you could set up a bartender if you re really,
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Well, I guess if I m feeling crazy, this is my birthday party, that s a phenomenal vibe.
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Or possibly some sort of vibey bar that isn t too loud.
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Maybe a bar-restaurant vibe where you can sit, you can stand, you can be in a loud dance floor area, you can be in a quieter, more chill area.
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There s a bar area to hang out into.
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It s not too big where everyone s all spread out and nobody s hanging out, but it s not so small that, you know, it s like cramped and uncomfortable and everybody s miserable and can t sit down and stuff.
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Perfect balance.
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And ideally something too that has a cool aesthetic to it, like nice decor.
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My vibe is not a futuristic club with like neon dance floor, neon lights everywhere.
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It s just not me.
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My hypothetical birthday party needs to have nice decor that matches my aesthetic.
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So douchey.
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This is a hypothetical birthday party, though, so you can t say, Emma, you re so douchey for this.
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Yeah, it didn t happen.
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So leave me alone.
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Like, let me have my fun, for fuck s sake.
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Okay, moving on.
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Let s talk about timing.
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When are people showing up?
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Okay, let me tell you what I don t like.
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I don t like when the party starts at 11 p.m.
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I do not like that.
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By 1230, I m getting a little sleepy, you know?
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That s a little too late for mommy.
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Mommy s getting old.
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Nothing too late.
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This might be a hot take, but I love a darty, a day party.
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People show up at like,
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I don t know, 3 p.m., hang out, have some drinks, you know, maybe there s some activities going on.
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We ll get into that later, but I kind of like an all-day party.
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During the summer, in my backyard, I love to have a few friends over.
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in my backyard.
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We start at like 2 or 3 p.m.
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and we go into like 8.
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And then everybody has dinner.
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Sometimes we all have dinner together.
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Sometimes we separate for dinner, go out to a restaurant or something.
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You know, everybody goes and does their own thing.
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And then you re in bed by 10.
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It s phenomenal.
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But you get also more time to hang out, more time to party because you start early.
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It feels like a full day experience.
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It s so fun.
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And you end up bonding with everyone who s at the party because you spend so much time together and it s daylight and you can talk because it s during the day.
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Like at night it s when things get dark and loud, but during the day things are lighter and brighter.
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And I don t know, like the daytime invites a less intense vibe, more conducive for hanging out.
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And you can still party, you know, you can still have drinks, you can still dance and stuff, but I don t know.
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I love a darty.
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So start at like 3 p.m.
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Or the other option is starting at like 7.
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Now, recently I went to a birthday party that started at like 7 and I was like, wow, that s early.
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Like I m shocked.
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In L.A., you know, usually parties start at 9, 10, 11 p.m.
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And so seeing a party start at 7, I was like, this is fascinating.
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What s happening?
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It was also very delightful.
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You know, you don t get the whole day experience, which I really do enjoy.
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But when you start at seven, people can come and go throughout the evening.
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Same thing with the day party.
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People can come and go throughout the day, but I don t know when it starts early in the evening, people sort of trickle in over the course of the evening and you know, there s options to eat dinner there and all of these things.
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And it s more of a well-rounded evening instead of showing up to the party at like 11 PM and half the people being exhausted and wanting to go home like 30 minutes after arriving.
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Next, let s discuss activities.
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Now let me tell you what I don t like.
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Two polar opposites, okay?
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I don t like when the only activity is just getting drunk and dancing and clubbing.
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I don t like that.
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Because again, that gets boring for me.
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It s too loud.
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It s too overwhelming.
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I like to sit and hang out.
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And so when the only activity is getting drunk and dancing, it s like, you re not even spending quality time with anyone.
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You re not even going to remember it.
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Like, it feels pointless to me.
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And I feel like people end up leaving that environment sooner.
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Like if there s nothing to grasp on to socially, people just leave.
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Obviously there are some people who love to dance and get drunk and do that all night.
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That s maybe 50% of party goers.
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A lot of people are like, God, I d love to just be able to sit and talk and hang out or do a less exhausting activity.
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I can t dance all night.
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It s just not.
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enjoyable.
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So when that s the only activity, I think people just get discouraged and leave.
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Not everyone, but a decent portion.
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But then on the other hand, I don t want the activities to be overly planned either.
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It s not very fun when you show up to a party and there s strict rules on what s happening.
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Like everyone has to sit in a circle and play this card game.
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Or everyone needs to go outside and play beer pong right now.
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Or everybody needs to go grab a frisbee because we re playing frisbee, or everybody needs
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to get on the dance floor because we re all dancing.
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Like things should not be overly organized.
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There should be things around that are optional, but it should be low key, which leads us to the activities that I do enjoy.
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I will say I enjoy games.
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I think, I think like drinking games are fun.
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Having a little card game out like a drinking card game.
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So fun.
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Beer pong, sorry, call me basic, that s fun to me.
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I actually enjoy that.
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And there s a way to make it classy and a way to make it cute, you know?
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You can buy cuter cups to spice it up or something.
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Ping pong, fucking badminton, a tattoo artist, a piercing person.
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a fortune teller, a bouncy house, like I don t care.
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Having little optional activities around is kind of nice.
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Even like arcade games could be fun.
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Actually, maybe a birthday party at an arcade could be fun.
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Like I love the arcade game where you throw the basketballs into the little hoop.
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It s basically basketball.
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I fucking love that arcade game.
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If there was just a room filled with those,
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That would be the best birthday of my life.
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SPEAKER_00
But yeah, like stuff like that s fun.
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Maybe there s a pool, maybe it s a pool party.
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It s just nice to have something to do, but it s nice to have it be optional.
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Next, let s discuss decorations.
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Now, this might be a hot take.
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I don t love when everything is overly detailed, okay?
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SPEAKER_00
I appreciate the art of it, though.
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Don t get me wrong.
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Like, if you Google birthday party decoration inspiration on Pinterest, you ll see what I m saying.
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People will throw birthday parties and make the most detailed decorations.
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Everything is on theme, every single napkin, every single
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balloon, every single tablecloth is all perfectly matching and super on a theme.
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I don t think that that s necessary.
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I think it s so much work and so much effort, and I don t think it s worth it for me.
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SPEAKER_00
When someone else does it for their birthday party, I think that s gorgeous, but I, if I was throwing my own birthday party, would not spend the money on that.
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SPEAKER_00
I just don t think it s necessary.
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SPEAKER_00
I think you can do subtle decor
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that s chic and, you know, cheap and just keep it at that.
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SPEAKER_00
Like, you could get a few really cool balloons and maybe put like a cute little sign on the door, call it a day.
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That s all.
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SPEAKER_00
It costs so much money to decorate things in that Pinterest level of detail that I just wouldn t do it.
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SPEAKER_00
Unless it s a super intense, weird niche theme that s kind of funny.
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SPEAKER_00
Like if somebody threw me a Napoleon Dynamite themed birthday party or like a Coraline themed birthday party and every single plate was Coraline and every single... That s kind of funny.
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SPEAKER_00
Like I kind of love that.
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SPEAKER_00
If somebody were to surprise me with it, maybe I wouldn t do it myself, but that would be kind of iconic.
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SPEAKER_00
So like that would be kind of funny.
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SPEAKER_00
Like if,
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the food served at the Napoleon Dynamite birthday party was like tater tots, you know, it s like super on theme.
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SPEAKER_00
It s actually kind of a good idea.
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SPEAKER_00
Maybe I ll do Napoleon Dynamite themed birthday party next year.
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SPEAKER_00
So maybe I do like super detailed decorations.
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SPEAKER_00
I guess I do, but only when it s kind of silly.
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SPEAKER_00
I think if it s for aesthetic purposes, I don t need that, you know?
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SPEAKER_00
I can pass on that.
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SPEAKER_00
If it s for funny, amusing purposes, yes, I can get behind that.
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SPEAKER_00
Okay, next, let s discuss the guest list.
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This might be shocking to some of you, what I m about to say.
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I kind of believe in an open door policy.
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Like, I don t like when there s a party and plus ones are not allowed.
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SPEAKER_00
It s like, no, only you are invited.
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You cannot bring a friend.
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You can t bring anyone.
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Or like,
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You re only allowed to bring one friend.
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I don t like that because, I don t know, it just complicates things socially.
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SPEAKER_00
Like, let s say, for example, I invite one of my friends to my to my birthday party and I say, you re only allowed to bring one friend.
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And they actually were planning to hang out with two friends that night.
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Now there s an uncomfortable situation.
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SPEAKER_00
I always respect somebody s rules when they re throwing a party.
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If they re like, don t bring anyone with you, I m like, done.
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I m not bringing anyone.
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SPEAKER_00
I always respect other people s rules.
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SPEAKER_00
I totally get it.
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SPEAKER_00
Everyone has their preference.
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SPEAKER_00
But I kind of like meeting new people when I m at a party.
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SPEAKER_00
That s kind of the whole point for me.
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SPEAKER_00
So even if it s my own birthday party, and it s kind of weird that people I don t really know that well are going to be there, I would prefer that over being super controlling over the guest list and not potentially unlocking fun new personalities.
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SPEAKER_00
Because that is ultimately what I enjoy about a party is a mix of a bunch of different personalities.
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parties.
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That s when it s the best.
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That s when it s the most exciting.
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Obviously, there are times when a bad apple can come in.
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But for the most part, if you re inviting people that you know and love, and they re bringing other people, if you like the person that you invited, chances are they re not going to invite anyone who s that horrible.
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You know?
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I don t know.
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I kind of like the idea of being like, if you know someone who s coming, come on in.
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Let s make new friends.
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Let s have fun.
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SPEAKER_00
I actually do that again.
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I do that during the summer in the backyard.
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SPEAKER_00
I ll just like have people over that I barely know.
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I ll tell my friends, hey, invite whoever.
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And sometimes I ll invite people over that I don t really know that well.
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But that s what makes it so fun.
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SPEAKER_00
That s what makes it feel all the more exciting is when, you know, you have a big mix of people.
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SPEAKER_00
Most of the time, I prefer a small group over a super large group.
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SPEAKER_00
when it comes to hanging out and doing stuff.
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SPEAKER_00
But I do that already so much that if I m throwing a birthday party, I m gonna go big.
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SPEAKER_00
Bring whoever.
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SPEAKER_00
If anyone misbehaves, they get kicked out.
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SPEAKER_00
No problem, you know?
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SPEAKER_00
Next, let s discuss the dress code.
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Let me tell you what I do not like.
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SPEAKER_00
I do not like black tie fancy.
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SPEAKER_00
No.
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I don t enjoy myself when I m in a really uncomfortable fancy outfit.
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SPEAKER_00
I end up wanting to go home sooner.
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SPEAKER_00
I get tired sooner.
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SPEAKER_00
So I would never put my guests through that.
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SPEAKER_00
Do I love playing dress up?
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SPEAKER_00
Absolutely.
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SPEAKER_00
But if I m throwing a birthday party, I want people to want to hang out all day, all night.
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SPEAKER_00
So I don t want to put people in fancy outfit and then now they re uncomfortable and their feet hurt and they want to go home early because
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SPEAKER_00
I don t know, I even think about that with my wedding.
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SPEAKER_00
Like, if I end up having a wedding one day, I kind of want it to be casual vibes so that people can just enjoy themselves.
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SPEAKER_00
It s not so formal that everyone s just excited to go home because they don t want to stand in their heels anymore or in their
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SPEAKER_00
Dress shoes, I don t know.
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SPEAKER_00
I also don t like parties that feel like a hot competition.
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SPEAKER_00
You know when somebody s throwing a party and it s at a club or it s at a house, but the invite gives this vibe of like, oh no, we re dressing hot tonight.
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SPEAKER_00
I don t know how to explain it, but you can tell on a party invite what the vibe is.
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SPEAKER_00
Like if it s kind of a cool, edgy invite, you know, oh shit, we re dressing hot tonight.
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SPEAKER_00
Whereas if it s more of a fun, playful invite, then you re like, oh, I can be chill, you know?
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SPEAKER_00
I don t like the hot competition for my own birthday party.
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SPEAKER_00
I like it sometimes.
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SPEAKER_00
It s kind of fun to almost dress to theme and wear your cute little tight pants or your cute little top or do a bitchy makeup look.
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SPEAKER_00
That s a vibe sometimes.
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SPEAKER_00
Don t get me wrong.
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It can be fun.
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But I don t want that energy for my hypothetical birthday party.
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SPEAKER_00
I just don t want that.
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SPEAKER_00
I d rather people come really casual in clothes that they can wear all day or all night.
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SPEAKER_00
People should want to feel cute, but it doesn t need to be a hot competition.
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SPEAKER_00
Could also be fun to do a pajama party.
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SPEAKER_00
In fact, that is kind of my dream.
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SPEAKER_00
Oh my God, that d be so fun.
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SPEAKER_00
Pajama party would be really fun.
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SPEAKER_00
Or super niche theme like, OK, we re doing a Napoleon Dynamite birthday party.
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SPEAKER_00
Everybody has to dress up as somebody from Napoleon Dynamite.
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SPEAKER_00
The only thing I don t like about that is that that does create a task for the people attending that s kind of tedious, which is kind of not ideal.
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SPEAKER_00
You don t want to, I don t know, create a chore for the people going to the party, but it could also be kind of funny.
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SPEAKER_00
I don t know.
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SPEAKER_00
I think mega casual or pajama party is ideal for me.
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SPEAKER_00
Oh my God, you know what would be so fun actually?
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SPEAKER_00
Pajama party at like a bar because it s kind of opposites.
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SPEAKER_00
Oh, that could be fun.
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SPEAKER_00
Being able to wear pajamas where you don t normally get to wear pajamas is possibly one of my favorite things in the entire world.
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SPEAKER_00
And to have a birthday party with that in mind, I mean, yeah, that s kind of my vibe.
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SPEAKER_00
Okay, let s talk about the bar slash drink situation, okay?
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SPEAKER_00
I will say an open bar is critical.
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SPEAKER_00
An open bar that s prepaid by me or by whoever s throwing the party, me, I guess,
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SPEAKER_00
I really feel like I ve won the lottery every time I go to a party and there s an open bar and I don t have to pay.
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SPEAKER_00
I know it sounds stupid because it s like, Emma, it s just, it s like, who cares?
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SPEAKER_00
Like pay for your drink.
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SPEAKER_00
Of course.
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SPEAKER_00
But there is something so fun about being able to just go up to the bar and grab something in and out.
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SPEAKER_00
You don t have to get your card out.
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SPEAKER_00
It s free.
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SPEAKER_00
You know, you feel taken care of.
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SPEAKER_00
It s a fucking vibe.
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SPEAKER_00
So if I were to throw a birthday party for myself, definitely open bar.
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SPEAKER_00
I thought about it kind of being cool to have like a bunch of wines.
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SPEAKER_00
like doing like a wine party.
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SPEAKER_00
But I very quickly realized, no, that s never fun.
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SPEAKER_00
Everybody has such unique alcohol preferences and like what works with their body and what they enjoy the most.
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SPEAKER_00
Some people don t like alcohol at all, but for people who do drink alcohol, everyone has their own preference.
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SPEAKER_00
Like for the most part, I like a tequila soda with lime when I m drinking or a glass of wine.
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SPEAKER_00
When I go to a party and there s just beer, I m like, fuck, I don t drink beer.
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SPEAKER_00
No.
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SPEAKER_00
You know, like the options are helpful so that everyone can participate if they want.
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SPEAKER_00
So I think it s open bar and I think it s all types of liquor.
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SPEAKER_00
You know, if people misbehave, they get kicked out.
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SPEAKER_00
That s mommy s rule.
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SPEAKER_00
Okay, I already been through this.
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SPEAKER_00
So if anyone s abusing the open bar, they re out.
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SPEAKER_00
And it s as easy as that.
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SPEAKER_00
Yeah, that leads me to my next one.
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SPEAKER_00
Do I have a security guard or not?
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SPEAKER_00
Yes.
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SPEAKER_00
So that I can say, take this person out now.
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SPEAKER_00
They re causing a scene.
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SPEAKER_00
They re causing a ruckus.
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SPEAKER_00
Get them out.
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SPEAKER_00
No, I m kidding that I did not write that down on my notes.
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SPEAKER_00
Next, let s discuss food.
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I thought about this a lot, and it s clear to me what I don t like.
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SPEAKER_00
I don t like when it s all junk food.
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SPEAKER_00
Don t get me wrong, like, yum, and there better be some fun foods, even if they, you know, are junk foods and give you a stomachache or whatever, for me specifically, give me a stomachache, whatever, that must be included.
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SPEAKER_00
However, if it s all junk food,
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SPEAKER_00
Everyone s going to get a tummy ache.
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SPEAKER_00
Everyone s going to be sluggish.
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SPEAKER_00
You know, there has to be a good balance of options, right?
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SPEAKER_00
Some fresh stuff, some fun stuff, like a mix of everything.
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SPEAKER_00
All junk food.
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SPEAKER_00
Everyone s just going to have diarrhea and have a stomach ache.
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SPEAKER_00
You know what I mean?
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SPEAKER_00
Like that s not good for morale.
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SPEAKER_00
Also, I don t love when there s a big table filled with food and it s just sitting there and kind of like rotting.
2
SPEAKER_00
for too long, that feels like a food safety issue to me every single time I see it.
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SPEAKER_00
Like, every time I go to a party and there s just food that s been out on the table for literally eight hours and all of it is perishable, I m like, I feel like this is not safe.
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SPEAKER_00
Also, the food gets gross really quickly.
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SPEAKER_00
There s certain foods that are totally fine, like leave chips out all day, who gives a fuck?
2
SPEAKER_00
You know, leave fruit out, that s fine.
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SPEAKER_00
There s certain foods where it s fine, like snack foods, all good, but like,
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SPEAKER_00
I don t know, like having like a bowl of pasta out feels like a food safety issue to me.
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SPEAKER_00
Anyway, so I think the food should be made to order.
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SPEAKER_00
Maybe there s a food truck outside.
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SPEAKER_00
Maybe there s, I don t know, some sort of like restaurant involved in the party, whether they re catering or something and they re like managing it.
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SPEAKER_00
I don t, I don t throw parties, so I don t know how this shit works, but having the food sort of made to order or have it be maintained by a third party.
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SPEAKER_00
or just have there only be snacks out that can be out all day and nobody s worrying about food poisoning.
2
SPEAKER_00
Am I the only one that is very concerned about food poisoning?
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SPEAKER_00
Maybe, but my God, there s no good time to get food poisoning.
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SPEAKER_00
So I m always avoiding it.
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SPEAKER_00
I think some foods that I would love to have at my birthday party would be definitely some sort of tater tot situation.
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SPEAKER_00
I just love tater tots.
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SPEAKER_00
I know earlier I mentioned my Napoleon Dynamite theme.
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SPEAKER_00
This is actually, regardless of theme, I just love tater tots.
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SPEAKER_00
Tater tots are a good option.
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SPEAKER_00
Honestly, I feel like Italian food is always a hit.
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SPEAKER_00
I went to a birthday party a few months ago that had full Italian vibes going, like really good Caesar salad, really good spicy rigatoni, all the things, really good pizza.
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SPEAKER_00
There was a fried zucchini.
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SPEAKER_00
It was a balance of light and yummy, but also fun.
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SPEAKER_00
It was balanced and well done.
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SPEAKER_00
So maybe that s the vibe.
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SPEAKER_00
But also, like, a falafel truck could be so good.
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SPEAKER_00
Like, falafel wrap, hummus.
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SPEAKER_00
That d be pretty good.
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SPEAKER_00
I always need hummus involved whenever I m having a party.
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SPEAKER_00
Every party needs a little fucking plate of hummus, goddammit.
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SPEAKER_00
I believe that.
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I believe that with every fiber of my being.
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That s just necessary.
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So consider that on the snack table.
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There is, I guess, a difference between the snack table and the main food, you know what I mean?
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SPEAKER_00
The snack table is far less important, I would argue.
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SPEAKER_00
The main food is what s really important.
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SPEAKER_00
Like, what are you doing?
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SPEAKER_00
Ooh, honestly, a Mexican food truck would be kind of amazing as well, like burritos, tacos, customizable options, you know, people can get what they want.
3
SPEAKER_00
That would be really good.
3
SPEAKER_00
With a salsa bar, must have a salsa bar.
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SPEAKER_00
That would be iconic.
3
SPEAKER_00
Wow, that s great.
3
SPEAKER_00
I love that.
3
SPEAKER_00
That might be my favorite.
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SPEAKER_00
There s options.
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SPEAKER_00
There s options.
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SPEAKER_00
Let s discuss gifts.
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SPEAKER_00
I really don t need any gifts.
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SPEAKER_00
So I would make a no gift policy for my birthday.
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SPEAKER_00
And number one, I don t need anything.
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SPEAKER_00
Number two, I get very uncomfortable with gift giving and gift receiving, like the whole thing.
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SPEAKER_00
I don t like it because I don t like receiving gifts.
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SPEAKER_00
and I get uncomfortable with it, I assume that other people are like that.
3
SPEAKER_00
So I don t like giving gifts because I don t like making other people uncomfortable.
3
SPEAKER_00
But that s ridiculous because many people enjoy receiving gifts.
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SPEAKER_00
In fact, it s many people s love language.
3
SPEAKER_00
So
3
SPEAKER_00
I need to get over that.
3
SPEAKER_00
I actually like, I love giving people gifts, but I don t like being there when they receive it.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like I d rather mail people a gift and they can just react to it however they want.
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SPEAKER_00
And they can just shoot me a text and say, thank you for the gift.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like they don t have to be like, I love it.
3
SPEAKER_00
And it s like, no, you don t.
3
SPEAKER_00
And it s fine, but let s move on.
3
SPEAKER_00
So no gift policy for my birthday.
3
SPEAKER_00
And last but not least, let s discuss cake flavor and design.
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SPEAKER_00
I want something naughty.
3
SPEAKER_00
Okay.
3
SPEAKER_00
I want something like a chocolate peanut butter cake.
3
SPEAKER_00
I want something like a classic funfetti vanilla with thick buttercream.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like I want something sweet.
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SPEAKER_00
I want something with absolutely no elegance.
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SPEAKER_00
You know what I mean?
3
SPEAKER_00
Like when I think of an elegant cake, I think of like a lavender Earl Grey cake with beautiful cream cheese frosting or carrot cake with cream cheese frosting or like lemon cake.
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SPEAKER_00
I actually love lemon cake, but not on my birthday.
3
SPEAKER_00
Uh, oh, I would love it, but I d prefer fucking chocolate, peanut butter, brownie, chocolate chip cookie dough, like fucking pack that shit full with every goddamn dessert you can think of.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, I want that shit to be just sickly sweet.
3
SPEAKER_00
I want funfetti.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like, that s what I want.
3
SPEAKER_00
I want to feel like a little kid when I m eating my stupid birthday cake.
3
SPEAKER_00
That is the type of flavor I want.
3
SPEAKER_00
I do not want lavender, rosewater, fairy dust, birthday cake.
3
SPEAKER_00
I want sticky fingers, funfetti.
3
SPEAKER_00
That s what I fucking want for my birthday.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I will say I m a sucker for a funny cake.
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SPEAKER_00
A few years ago, my friends got me
3
SPEAKER_00
a huge cake that was shaped like a penis and it was funny because at the time I was the one in the group who had a boyfriend and it was like oh my god Emma loves like okay what you get the idea it was like I was the girl in the group who you know what I m saying and so it was funny at the time because it was like oh Emma loves wiener you know what I mean here s a wiener cake it was funny it was personal
3
SPEAKER_00
with the group.
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SPEAKER_00
I love that.
3
SPEAKER_00
I thought it was funny.
3
SPEAKER_00
I took a selfie with my penis cake.
3
SPEAKER_00
My dad was in town.
3
SPEAKER_00
He saw it.
3
SPEAKER_00
He was mortified.
3
SPEAKER_00
It was a nightmare, but it was funny.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I do love that.
3
SPEAKER_00
So a funny cake, that s sort of like an inside joke.
3
SPEAKER_00
I love that.
3
SPEAKER_00
On the other hand, I do love just a beautifully made cake by a really passionate cake artist.
3
SPEAKER_00
I think that that s phenomenal.
3
SPEAKER_00
There are so many amazing cake artists.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like I am constantly watching their videos.
3
SPEAKER_00
on Instagram Reels.
3
SPEAKER_00
Even though I m back on TikTok, I still don t watch TikTok.
3
SPEAKER_00
I only watch Reels.
3
SPEAKER_00
But you get the idea.
3
SPEAKER_00
Like that could be really cool, like just letting a cake artist do their thing.
3
SPEAKER_00
The one thing I don t like is when there s too much fondant.
3
SPEAKER_00
I hate fondant.
3
SPEAKER_00
I think it tastes horrible.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I think cake should, you know, I get you need to use fondant to decorate a cake, but it shouldn t have too much.
3
SPEAKER_00
It shouldn t be like the whole cake is fucking fondant and it should be always peeled off in my opinion.
3
SPEAKER_00
So that s my ideal birthday party.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s kind of all over the place.
3
SPEAKER_00
It seems like it s a day party.
3
SPEAKER_00
It s a darty.
3
SPEAKER_00
It seems like there s food trucks.
3
SPEAKER_00
It seems like this birthday party is going to cost a lot of fucking money.
3
SPEAKER_00
My hypothetical birthday party is like fucking.
3
SPEAKER_00
20 grand ease no this is like insane like I feel like maybe this is why I haven t thrown a birthday party is because subconsciously I m like Emma you have two grand of ideas like cool down.
3
SPEAKER_00
I almost enjoy talking about birthday parties in a
3
SPEAKER_00
pretentious, picky way more than I enjoy actually having one.
3
SPEAKER_00
I love this discussion and I feel almost full.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t need to have a birthday party for another at least 10 years.
3
SPEAKER_00
I feel satisfied.
3
SPEAKER_00
So, you know, we re going to leave it at that.
3
SPEAKER_00
I hope that you enjoyed this episode.
3
SPEAKER_00
Please let me know what your ideal birthday party looks like.
3
SPEAKER_00
You can shoot a DM to at anything goes on Instagram.
3
SPEAKER_00
Let me know.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m so curious if you disagree with me on some things, if you agree with me on some things.
3
SPEAKER_00
As always, please let me know.
3
SPEAKER_00
New episodes of Anything Goes every Thursday and Sunday.
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SPEAKER_00
You can listen anywhere you stream podcasts, but video is exclusively on Spotify.
3
SPEAKER_00
You can check me out at Emma Chamberlain on Instagram, Emma Chamberlain on YouTube, pretty much at Emma Chamberlain everywhere.
3
SPEAKER_00
You can check out my coffee company.
3
SPEAKER_00
We re probably in a store near you if you live in the United States.
3
SPEAKER_00
Use our store locator on chamberlaincoffee.com to see if we re in a store near you.
3
SPEAKER_00
go pick up some fun or you can order Chamberlain coffee straight to your door.
3
SPEAKER_00
I hope that you all are having a beautiful day.
3
SPEAKER_00
And if you re not, I hope that you have a beautiful day soon.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I love you all and appreciate you all.
3
SPEAKER_00
And thank you all for listening to me rant about a hypothetical birthday party that will not happen.
3
SPEAKER_00
You learn nothing, but maybe it was good background noise.
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SPEAKER_00
while you folded laundry or something.
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SPEAKER_00
That s all I could ask for because some of my favorite content is background noise while I m folding my laundry.
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SPEAKER_00
You know what I m saying?
3
SPEAKER_00
So we re all in this together.
3
SPEAKER_00
Love you all.
3
SPEAKER_00
Thank you all for listening.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I will talk to you so soon.
3
SPEAKER_00
Bye.