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This is the art of charm.
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Learn everything you need to know to crush it in business, love, and life.
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Welcome guys and gals to the Art of Charm.
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I am not Jordan Harbinger.
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The Art of Charm brings together the best thought leaders, teachers, and exceptional individuals to teach you how to be a top performer in life, love, and at work.
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Imagine having a mix of experienced mentors teaching you their expertise, packing decades of research, testing, and tough lessons into a curriculum.
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We may not have all the answers, but we definitely have all the questions.
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Make sure to stay up to date with The Art of Charm and get some great stuff that we don t or can t share on the show by signing up at theartofcharm.com.
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That s where we ll email you our Fundamentals Toolkit that covers topics like body language and nonverbal communication, persuasion, business networking, public speaking, negotiation, and a whole lot more.
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As mentioned in the intro, I am not Jordan Harbinger.
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I am Producer Jason.
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Jordan is taking a much-deserved vacation, so myself and a few of the guys who make this show every week will be stepping in to take his place.
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We ll be sharing our picks for the best shows of 2015.
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And don t fret, Jordan will be sharing his favorites as well at the end of the show.
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We re going to get the ball rolling with the other Jason who gets thanked at the end of the podcast, Mr. Jason Sanderson.
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Jason has been editing almost all of the episodes of the podcast since before I joined the podcast team.
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Jason is usually in the London-esque area, but recently moved to Poland.
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But every time we email, he s someplace different, so who knows where he s at.
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Here s Jason s top five for 2015.
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Take it away.
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Hey, I m Jason Sanderson, one of the other Jason s on the show, the English one.
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I edit the show and normally stay silent in the background, but today I m going to share my top five favorite episodes of this year.
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And those are Dr. Dwayna Welsh episode 459.
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I mean, I ve shown this episode to more people than any other episode that I ve worked on.
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I love this one.
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I thought the part about attachment styles was an important piece of psychology that I really think isn t talked about enough on the show.
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It really resonated with me, having had a breakup about 5 months ago, and this episode helped me deal with any issues that I still had surrounding that and allowed me to move on really quickly.
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Sometimes people are with the wrong person, even if there s nothing really overtly bad in that relationship.
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knowing what I should be looking for in my next relationship is now way easier as a result of that episode.
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So it s easy, my favorite out of all of them.
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So if you smoke a pack of cigarettes a day, just get married and it will cancel it out.
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Science.
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You know, Jordan, I m not sure that s how correlational research works, but we could all try it.
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Dang.
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I thought we were on to some serious science here.
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Yeah, yeah, exactly.
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I think my favorite aspects of talking about this have to do with well-being, which is higher for the married.
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Married people are more than twice as likely to say that they are very satisfied with their overall lives.
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In other words, not just their relationship, but life in general.
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And part of that is because when you ve got a good marriage, it gives you kind of a springboard to launch out there into the world and you don t have to worry about what s happening at home.
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It gives you this real secure place to launch from and you get more done.
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And that s why you get more money and you get more career success and you get more advancements because you re not always in the middle of a breakup or figuring out where you re going to find the next person to have sex with or whatever.
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Number two, Austin Kleon, episode 447.
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I really love this guy.
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Both his books, Show Your Work and Steal Like An Artist, have both left a lasting impression on me with my work in the creative industries.
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I love the idea of senious, not genius, that he talks about a lot.
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It s actually like one of Brian Eno s concepts, but I love the way that he interprets it.
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Not only that but he s such a chilled, laid back, likeable guy that I can t imagine anyone not wanting to be around him.
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He seems to naturally embody everything that AOC stands for.
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that s kind of the sweet spot, someone who is not only putting their stuff out into the world, but they re also, you know, taking stuff in and shining a light on it.
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You know, the literary world is a very easy thing to pick on in this context.
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There are all these young writers who want to be published, and so they send out these terrible poems or short stories off to these literary journals that they never read.
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And so there s this whole system of people trying to get published in magazines that they don t even read.
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And to me, that s a surefire way towards failure.
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If you want to have fans, you have to be a fan yourself.
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And I think about, again, someone like Quentin Tarantino is a perfect example.
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Here s a guy who loves movies.
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And so he makes movies with the same love that he has for watching them, and he makes them almost as a fan.
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And I think that s why it s easy to be a fan of Tarantino, because he s a fan himself.
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Number 3, the mighty Gary Vaynerchuk, episode number 448.
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Gary s content is so on point right now, no one s quite got the mouthpiece that he has.
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And since moving to Poland, which I ve just done, I can see firsthand how the Soviet influence still lingers on here a little bit.
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And because of that, just how hard everyone works here.
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Everyone seems to go that extra mile by trying to climb the ladder.
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Most people have several university degrees, masters qualifications and work multiple jobs alongside of that, hustling to get to the top.
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And Gary s message is all about this.
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So it s interesting hearing his Soviet backstory, especially since I ve not heard him talk about that anywhere else.
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In my world of advertising technology, a lot of people get what I call coast mentality.
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They don t realize that America isn t just New York, LA, and San Francisco.
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And I ve been lucky because I ve written three books and done extensive touring with it and do a lot of public speaking, that I ve been to all the corners of the US.
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Listen, I was born in a small village in the Soviet Union, where I grew up in New Jersey was actually quite rural up in Hunterdon County, New Jersey, I would say it s more Iowa than Jersey.
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And I have great appreciation for the fact that there s a lot of dimensions to America.
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And so I wanted my company to be grounded in a lot of other
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scenes besides just the hipster tech Hollywood, New York lifestyle.
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And it s been a big help to our company.
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It s really grounded people to understand different parts of this country.
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And I m going to open up more offices and you know, what many would deem as third, fourth, you know, kind of tier cities, but to me are imperative to my complete understanding of the U S market.
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Yeah, that makes a lot of sense, right?
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You gotta know what people are looking for in different parts of the country, and the majority of the country is not hanging out in Manhattan with their friends drinking martinis at 4pm on a Friday, or Thursday for that matter.
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At number 4, Simon Sinek, episode 392.
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I think while editing these shows, he s held the most references and been quoted more times by more guests than anyone else for his start with Y Principles.
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It really is the most important question any of us should be asking on a day-to-day basis.
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I try to incorporate it into everything that I do and I m glad that Jordan got to interview him and we all got to work on that show together.
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It s a great episode.
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What qualifies you to talk about loving work?
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Of course, you love your work now, not even a job, because you created something amazing, but is it something that everybody should expect, and where do we start with it?
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Well, I m not qualified at all to talk about the things that I talk about.
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Good, me neither.
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We re on the same page there.
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I have no advanced degrees in the things that I m talking about.
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There was no sort of academic study.
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It s not a commercial enterprise.
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That s not how it began.
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I m a human being who fell out of love with the work that I was doing.
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I mean, I was living the American dream, supposedly.
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I owned my own small business.
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I made a decent living.
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We did great work, and I had amazing clients.
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And superficially, on paper, I should have been happy.
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But I sure didn t feel happy.
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And I was embarrassed by that.
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I kept my feelings to myself, because I should have been happy.
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And yet I didn t want to wake up and do it again.
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And it was that reality.
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that I set upon refinding my passion and made these discoveries, you know, how the brain processes information and discovered these layers of why, how, and what we do.
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At number 5, Kimberley Selsa.
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Now this one doesn t really have an episode number.
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I m gonna throw a curveball and say that this little bonus episode between 455 and 456 should have gone in the main feed.
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I love how this one tackled the stigma of seeking help with mental health difficulties, even though it wasn t a VIP guest like Alex Coutts or Lewis Howes either side of it.
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It really nailed the how s, why s, do s and don ts when it comes to seeking therapy.
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And since I had therapy a long time ago, I ve always stressed the importance that everyone should see a therapist at least once in their lives, just to check themselves before they wreck themselves.
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So having this show on the list made me proud of AOC and the kind of valuable resource that we have here.
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And I know that people will have had their lives seriously changed from listening to this little bonus episode.
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It s kind of like getting a math tutor when you suck at math or when you think you need help.
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your upbringing, and how like it was looked at in your community and your family, you know, because there s some people and family systems and cities where it s like here in LA, I ll just be honest, if you don t have a therapist, it s almost weird.
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So there s like different cultural expectations around it as well.
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But you know, finding a therapist is like finding a hairdresser, a doctor, a dentist, it s like any other kind of professional, you, you really need to be comfortable with who you choose, because it is a personal decision.
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And you do feel like you have to relate to them, you know, in the way that you re communicating kind of these deep things.
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So that s my favorite episodes that I ve worked on this year.
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I d like to wish all the listeners an awesome Christmas, and we look forward to bringing you even more awesome content throughout 2016.
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Let s all make this a happy one and be good to one another.
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Merry Christmas, guys and girls.
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Thank you very much, Mr. Sanderson.
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Next up, we have Robert Fogarty, who is the latest addition to the podcast team.
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He s our resident wordsmith and creates all the amazing show notes that accompany every episode.
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He also helps out editing the articles on the website from time to time, and he ll be the first person to correct you when you use an apostrophe incorrectly.
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Trust me, I ve known the guy for over 25 years.
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He still does it.
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Without further ado, here s Bob.
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Hello, I m Bob Fogarty.
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You ve never heard from me before, but I m the guy who pencils in the show notes quietly.
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This is going to make me sound like the wishy-washy kindergarten teacher who gives everyone in class a gold star for making a spirited effort.
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But honestly, there wasn t a single episode of The Art of Charm this year that didn t impart at least some nugget of wisdom that stuck with me since hearing it.
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To be fair, I was only introduced to this podcast somewhere in the middle of the year, which is probably a blessing because it s already difficult enough trying to pick a top five from what seems to be a consistently excellent year.
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Nevertheless, here are the ones that most often come to mind for me.
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Episode 413 with Aubrey de Grey, how we can avoid aging.
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Now this would be memorable on the merit of being the very first AOC episode I ever lent an ear toward, and the first one to which I contributed and had the sincere honor of working with this world-class podcasting team.
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But Aubrey de Grey is someone I d already read about and seen as a guest on various shows over the years.
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While I don t know if I believe he and his research team will crack the code to eternal life in this, or honestly any century, de Grey does make a good case for why they re trying, and convincingly lays out their plan of attack on the seven categories of aging damage that they ve identified.
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And you know what, if I had a million dollars to spare, I d consider donating it to their efforts just to see de Grey shave off his trademark beard, which he s offered to do for the right price.
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stupid question I m sure but will then everyone who gets these therapies theoretically live forever or well until you get hit by a bus which you know you can t really the all the therapies in the world won t stop that from happening but will people be living forever are there what else catches up with us when we solve these problems you ve absolutely got it there should be nothing
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We should be able to have a situation in which the type of thing you die of and the risk that you have in the coming year, shall we say, of dying of those things does not depend on how long ago you were born.
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So in other words, your remaining expected lifespan will not change as you get older.
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So congratulations, everyone will die of a tragedy instead, right?
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If they have time.
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If they have time, yeah.
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Yeah, I mean, in principle, of course, we can fix that, too.
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You know, I m not working on stopping people from being hit by trucks, but some people are.
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Yes, yeah, there are people working on that.
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And it s, hopefully they ll get there around the same time, right?
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Maybe sooner.
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Yeah, maybe, maybe.
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Bonus episode with Steven Kotler from Sci-Fi to Sci-Fact.
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When I was a kid several decades ago, 2015 seemed really, really far away.
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I was sure we d all be vacationing on the moon and commuting to work in flying cars by now.
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Then again, my speculation about the future was informed mostly by the Jetsons and Star Trek reruns.
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Flow Genome Project co-founder and author of Tomorrowland, Our Journey from Science Fiction to Science Fact, Stephen Kotler, gave us some real-life insights in this episode about disruptive technologies that are bringing rapid changes to the table, whether society is ready for it or not.
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He told us how, thanks to technology, we re gaining five hours of life expectancy every day,
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and he had interesting things to say about bionics, mind uploading, DNA typewriters, 3D printing new bodies, and lots of other mind-blowing stuff.
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Is flow something that s involving some of the new technology that you ve been writing about, or is this simply, I use the word simply loosely here, is it simply psychological technology?
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There s two answers to your question.
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One is, you know, I look at my career as, I work on disruptive technology, right?
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Sometimes it s external technologies, things that are in the world, synthetic biology, genetics, that sort of stuff.
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And sometimes it s internal technologies like flow, right?
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And so to me, I m looking at the same thing.
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And they, of course, cross over.
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One of the reasons that the Flow Genome Project can exist is a lot of measurement tools have come out of the smart health revolution, the kind of exponential growth in neuroscience and biotechnology.
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Biotechnology, if you want to talk about it, kind of accelerating technology, is now moving at five times the speed of Moore s Law.
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So it s doubling in power about every four months, right?
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Along the way, we re getting all kinds of great imaging technologies and things that allow us to peer into the brain kind of during moments of flow, during moments of ultimate performance and figure out what s going on for the first time.
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And once we get that information, we can very easily work back to, hey, what are the triggers?
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How do we produce this?
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And how do we get more of this in our lives?
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Episode 423 with Judah Pollack, Hack Your Inner Genius.
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Like many of us, I d often wondered why I seemed to get my best ideas in the shower, on long walks, or just after a short nap.
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In this episode, Judah Pollock was the first person I d heard articulate why this is.
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It s because we re triggering our default mode network, and that s where your brain goes when your body is physically engaged in familiar activities with goals that don t require concentration.
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In other words, you re sort of on autopilot and it gives your brain the chance to piece together a lot of disparate information that your rational mind would usually ignore.
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This associative thinking gives us connections that lead to some pretty wild innovations.
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So it s no surprise that a lot of the world s greatest thinkers throughout history have made time for taking a walk or a nap every day.
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One of the things that we ve been discovering about the brain recently is that it s very structural.
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We ve been thinking of it as very chemical for the past half century.
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And now what we re discovering is it s actually a structure.
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On a very small microscopic level, these are structures that fit together.
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Neurons fit together in a certain ways.
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And so what you have to imagine with depression is just imagine yourself walking in a circle or maybe through a maze.
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And it s a trench.
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And the walls are 20 feet high.
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And they re smooth walls.
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You can t, it s not like you can just climb out or take the stairs.
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And so then somebody comes along and says, it s beautiful outside.
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And you re like, I m in this trench.
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Like it s not that easy.
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And the trench is self-reinforcing.
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You just keep walking in it.
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And then you re like, oh, this is.
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Right, so every time you make a lap around the trench, it gets deeper.
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Exactly, and then that trench can also be a sense of self-loathing, an imposter trench that you get caught in, and you re just sort of stuck in that, and you re like, you re just spinning in it, spinning in it.
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Right.
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And the reason it gets deeper for people listening is because every time you use a neural pathway, it gets stronger.
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Yes.
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Right.
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So if you re continually thinking about this, even if you don t want to be, you re making that stronger, which is why even if when you re trying to quit smoking, if you re smoking, you re just strengthening that neural pathway that says, I enjoy this.
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Exactly.
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Right.
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Interesting.
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Episode 429 with Chris Edwards, the balls to rebrand.
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While Chris Edwards identified as a male from a very early age, he was born and socialized as a girl.
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When he decided to undergo the physical transition from female to male, he did it openly while working at an ad agency of 500 people.
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More than anything, Chris found that such a transition was really an issue of rebranding.
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He was still the same person, but he made the decision to take control of how others would perceive him.
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This is a story for anyone who, while on the cusp of making big life changes, hesitates for fear of what others will think of them.
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So really, it s a story for everyone, because that s pretty much all of us at some time or another.
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When did you realize this was something that you needed to do?
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Because you had sort of touched on this, well, I was always a man in my head, but now I had to make the transition.
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How old were you when you were like, wait, how come everybody else is this?
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I was four.
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Whoa, that s really early.
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Yeah, I ll tell you, it s such a vivid memory for me.
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I came out to my grandmother at four.
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I just didn t know that s what I was doing.
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Neither did she.
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When we were at her house, her cottage on the Cape, and my older sister and I were coloring on the rug in the family room, and Graham was passing by us from the kitchen to the dining room, putting dinner on the table, and she said, come on, girls, dinner s ready.
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And my sister immediately sprung up
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and followed her to the table.
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And I didn t flinch.
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I honestly didn t think she was talking to me.
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And she came back a minute or two later and she said, didn t you hear me calling you?
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And I said, no.
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And she said, I said, come on, girls.
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And I said to her, I m not a girl.
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She said, yes, you are.
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And I said, no, I m not.
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I m a boy.
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And she said, no, you re not, sweetheart.
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And I said, well, then I m going to be.
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Oh, that s funny.
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She s like, you can t, darling.
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And she walked in the kitchen.
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I m sitting there thinking like, whatever, Graham.
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Episode 440 with Barbara Oakley, learning how to learn.
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Because I ve always struggled to get comfortable around numbers, I find Barbara Oakley s story of becoming an engineering professor in spite of an early aversion to math particularly inspiring.
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It s easy to miss options and opportunities when we tell ourselves that we re bad at something.
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So Barbara encourages us to learn how to learn by embracing different types of thinking for different kinds of tasks.
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She gives us some excellent tools for doing this and even teaches a free Coursera class that uses lessons from her book, A Mind for Numbers, how to excel at math and science, even if you flunked algebra.
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Hey, that was me.
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What happens when people quote unquote follow their passion that you think is problematic?
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First off,
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many people have the same passions.
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So what that means is, a lot of people end up competing for the things that are, well, your passions develop at what you re good at, and you re good at things that are easiest for you.
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So in other words, what that means is, is people end up going into things that are easy for them,
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that a lot of other people are doing because it s easy for them.
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It s highly competitive and it s kind of often you can have real expertise but sometimes you can have great expertise but it s also a stroke of luck.
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So if your passion is playing basketball and you want to be the world s one of the top, look at the statistics.
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It d be pretty tough for you to get there.
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Also, what we do when we have passions is we get this sort of feeling like we have to be loving whatever we re doing.
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But a lot of times, becoming an expert, a real expert in something, involves a lot of difficulty, a lot of hard work, and sometimes it s not pleasant.
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If you re becoming a concert pianist, for example,
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A lot of times it s drudgery.
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You re doing a lot of extra practicing and so forth, and it s not fun.
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But if we follow that mentality of, oh, I m following my passion, as soon as something becomes hard work instead of fun, we tend to think, well, then it must not be for me.
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I should switch.
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Now let s get to the fun part.
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Let s talk about me.
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I m Jason DeFilippo and I ve been with The Art of Charm for over four and a half years now.
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Most of that time you never heard of me because I was behind the scenes keeping the servers going and doing all the tech stuff.
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Basically being a nerd.
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I am still a nerd but now I am a nerd with a title.
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The executive producer of The Art of Charm podcast.
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So that s why you hear me on every Fan Mail Friday as well as here and there on some shows.
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But that s not what we re here to talk about.
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We re here to talk about my top picks for 2015.
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So here I go.
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Episode 445, Dr. Carol Dweck, The Motivated Mindset.
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I was a fan of Dr. Dweck long before I joined the Art of Charm.
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And as I mentioned on this episode and others, I credit the knowledge in this book is the reason I m talking to you today.
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Once you understand the underlying principle behind the fixed versus growth mindset, you can very non-ironically see the matrix and the show behind the show in how people think, approach life, and approach problems.
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While the concept is unbelievably simple, she backs it up with years of research and trials, which is something we have come to demand here from our guests, and oh boy did she deliver.
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I may be just fanboying out here.
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And I know how weird it sounds, but she s my favorite clinical psychologist in the field today.
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Yes, we really do have nerds here on staff at the Art of Charm.
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I thought that is fascinating, even if your listeners have heard it before.
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We have studies that show the exact same thing, that when you re in a growth mindset and it s hard, you just get your butt in gear.
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But when you re in a fixed mindset, you say, oh, my God, this is a catastrophe.
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Maybe I m not smart.
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I guess I won t care about this.
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And you don t come back from it.
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Episode 470, Scott Harrison, Give Up Your Birthday.
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Before we did this episode, I only knew about Charity Water on the periphery of social media.
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A lot of luminaries I know were giving up their birthdays to raise cash to drill wells in Africa, and being a jaded Hollywood type, I just wrote it off as a scam.
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That was until I was tasked to do some research on Scott, and after a preliminary call to see if he would be a good fit for the show, I dug into his backstory, and it s, and I really hate to say this word, epic.
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He s the poster boy for midlife change, and he did it with no money and no ambitions except to repay his notorious youth.
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He s also a damn good photographer, and as someone who s well-versed in the photographic arts, I give him a double tip of the hat.
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My third day on the mission, I remember it s 5.30 in the morning, the government has given us this huge football stadium, soccer stadium, to see patients, to screen our patients.
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I m with these eager doctors, 41 countries are represented.
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The doctors have given up their vacation time to operate for free on the port.
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It s a pretty inspiring place to be.
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These doctors are coming from Germany, from England, from America.
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They could be in Mystique, they could be in the Bahamas, and they ve decided to take their couple weeks off and continue applying their craft, but on people who can t afford help.
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My third day there, it s 5.30 in the morning, we roll up to the football stadium, and I know that we have about 1,500 surgery slots to fill over a two-day patient screening.
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and turn the corner, and I see this swarm of people.
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There are over 5,000 people that had come.
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If you have 1,500 surgery slots and 5,000 plus people are there, forgive me for stating the obvious, you re gonna have to turn people away.
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Yeah, so I just wept.
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I literally broke when that dawned on me, realizing these people had come sick and with hope, and they d be turned away.
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Episode 466, Jesse Itzler, the 100 mile man.
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I ll be honest, I d never heard of Jesse before he came on the show.
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I ve never flown on a private jet and can count on both hands the times I ve even flown first class.
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So what could I learn from this guy?
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I thought, well, it turns out a lot.
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The backstory of how he came up in business by using his brains and a giant set of balls to fake corporate meetings and wheel and deal was something I wish I had heard back when I was a young guy.
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And although I don t recommend what he did, I like his chutzpah.
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And it worked for him.
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It also led to many other great stories he shares in this episode, but my favorite is the story of his book, Living with a Seal, because it embodies one of our tenets here at AOC, and that s if you want to learn something new, find a coach.
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And he found one of the most badass coaches you could ever find.
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He is an amazing story.
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He lost a bunch of friends in a helicopter crash in the Middle East and decided he wanted to do something special to raise money for the kids of these fallen soldiers.
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So he literally Googled the 10 hardest things in the world to do, like endurance races and this kind of thing.
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And at the time, he was a really big guy.
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He was a power lifter.
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He was about probably, I m gonna guess, around 260 pounds.
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and he lost a tremendous amount of weight and became probably the best endurance athlete in the planet.
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And he s done some unbelievably crazy races.
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He came in second in what s called the Ultraman competition in Hawaii, which is basically like six times an Ironman or something.
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I mean, this is some incredible like six-mile swim, 50-mile, I mean,
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The numbers are crazy.
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I don t know the exact numbers.
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He showed up in Hawaii, did not own a bike.
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He rented a bike with clips like you would have if you went to Central Park in New York City and came in second place in the race.
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He s just like this off-the-charts athlete.
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You know what?
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Physically, he s unbelievable, obviously, but a lot of it is just he s been able to program his mind or have a mindset of, you know, I m going to keep going.
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I m going to keep pushing myself.
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I m not going to stop.
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Episode 460, Steven Mansfield, building a band of brothers.
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This was a very surprising episode for me.
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I d known of Steven from his series of religious books and not being religious myself was worried we wouldn t have a lot of common ground.
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I could not have been more wrong.
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Stephen s teaching about how men need to have their band of brothers resonated with me since I was a recent transplant to Los Angeles.
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Angeles and really had no group of guys of my own to hang out with, talk to, share with, etc.
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This episode has really gotten me off my butt to find my guys.
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I m still working on it but whenever I need some inspiration I go back and re-listen to this episode.
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Steven was a truly great guest and one that had a message that really hit me in a time when I needed it.
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Well, every man needs friends at a different level.
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Some guys are a little bit more introverted.
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They re a little bit more bookish.
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Maybe they are runners or marathoners.
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They spend a lot of time alone.
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That s fine.
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We re not saying there s anything wrong with that.
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But every man has got to have men around him who are helping him to be a better man, and along the way, I hope, having a good laugh and some fun.
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I think that any man who thinks that he can do without other men speaking into his life, challenging him,
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helping him round out.
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If all a man has is his alone time, his wife and his children, then he s not going to be rounded.
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He s not going to have people who can warn him about things.
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He s not going to have people who challenge him to be a better man.
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And I don t think he s going to be what somebody called a 360 man, a fully orbed man, a fully developed man.
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You ve got to have other men challenging you at every level, keeping an eye on you, men you pull into the project of being what I call the great man.
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And so it s not just about your social needs, although of course those happen at different levels for every man, but it s also about the recognition that we need to bond together with other men for good in the world, but certainly for good in each other s lives.
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Episode 391, Steven Rombaum, the real life of a private investigator.
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Sometimes I get a bit starstruck on this show, like when we had Dr. Dweck on, who I mentioned earlier.
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Steve Rombaum is another example.
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While these types of shows aren t our usual subject matter, I think it s good to mix it up with interesting people doing extremely interesting things every now and again.
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Steve is one of those episodes.
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This guy is a bonafide Nazi hunter and has decades of experience bringing bad guys to justice in his role as a private investigator.
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His show Nowhere to Hide is extremely good and a whole bunch of fun, so was this episode.
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I know a whole bunch of fun isn t really a very descriptive term, but we talk about his beginnings as a gun-for-hire who thwarted a bunch of thieves in Texas, to the craziest cases where a guy actually impersonated a prince from Austria and they took him down.
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This was the first or second show after I joined the team as producer and part-time co-host, and it was so entertaining and I loved it so much.
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I heard on another show that you really dug your feet in with farm equipment, like farm equipment that s in Texas.
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That was an accident.
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That was an accident.
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When I came back from overseas, I was sitting around not doing much and got a call from a buddy of mine who was down in Texas.
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He said, hey, why don t you come down and visit me?
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I said, yeah, okay, why?
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And he said, well, in my area, and he was right on the border.
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He was in what s called the Valley in Texas, right on the Mexican border.
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He says, guys are coming across the border with flatbeds and they re loading up farm equipment and driving it back into Mexico.
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And in one night, a farm is losing a couple of hundred thousand dollar piece of equipment.
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Now it s probably a million dollar piece of equipment.
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He said, come on down here, help us catch the guys.
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You know, I promise you all the beer you can drink.
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And I had nothing to do, got on a plane, back then it was People Express, I don t know if you remember that, got on a People Express flight, he picked me up at the airport, drove about four hours down to where he was, had a lot of fun for a couple of nights, about the fourth or fifth night, we caught a couple of these guys.
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Over the last 17 years, we have launched our fair share of online courses, coaching programs, and finding the right platform has always been a challenge.
3
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They say if you do what you love, you never work a day in your life.
3
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But if you re an entrepreneur, you know the hard work that comes with it.
3
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That s why you need Kajabi.
3
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Kajabi makes it easy to run your entire online business from one platform so you can focus on what you love.
3
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Kajabi is the ultimate all-in-one platform that helps creators and entrepreneurs build successful online businesses by unlocking predictable recurring revenue.
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No matter your niche, Kajabi makes it easy to turn your skills, passions, and experiences into enriching online courses, exclusive membership sites, subscription podcasts, thriving communities, personalized coaching, and more.
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The best part?
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So keep 100% of what you earn.
3
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And with Kajabi, you also get robust analytics, easy payment options, email marketing tools, and customizable website templates, all built in.
3
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You don t even need a huge audience to make sustainable income.
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There are thousands of creators on Kajabi making six and seven figures with less than 50,000 followers.
3
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Right now, Kajabi is offering a free 30-day trial to start your business if you go to kajabi.com slash charm.
3
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That s K-A-J-A-B-I dot com slash charm.
3
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Go to Kajabi.com slash charm and join the creators and entrepreneurs who have made over seven billion dollars.
3
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Hey Art of Charm listeners, I m excited to share a new podcast I ve been absolutely binging.
3
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Winning is an everyday mindset and Craig Robinson and John Calipari are here to help.
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On Ways to Win podcast, Craig and Coach Cal use their on-court wisdom to solve your off-court problems.
3
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Whether it s trouble at home or a workplace dilemma, the coaches will help you find a winning formula for success.
3
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You ll hear from prominent athletes, business leaders, and celebrities who reveal insights that made them into the leaders they are today.
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And don t miss President Obama sharing how he deals with pressure by projecting confidence, believing in your team, and taking criticism.
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Listen to Ways to Win wherever you get your podcasts.
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And wrapping up our wrap-up of 2015, we have Jordan Harbinger, a man who needs no introduction, so he s not gonna get one.
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Here s Jordan.
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You know, I m almost surprised by the episodes that the audience seems to like the best.
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It shows me that the episodes that are good for my growth, personally, are often a little bit out of sync with the majority of listeners, or maybe they re in sync, but I just feel like they resonate differently.
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And this is okay, it s to be totally expected since I ve been on this path for a decade or so,
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A lot of folks are either just starting out or significantly older than I am as well.
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And so it forces me to have a beginner s mind or a newbie kind of mind, which is really healthy for me.
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I can t play the role of some holier-than-thou guru turd because my goal is to be in service to the audience.
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I m mostly in service to the fans when I succeed in getting the gems that are best for them wherever they are on their path.
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So with that in mind, here are my top five episodes based largely on my experience doing the interview and the feedback I got after the interview directly from the AOC family.
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Episode 407 with Dan Millman, Way of the Peaceful Warrior.
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This was a big deal episode, because it was organized by Cody.
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He s a huge AOC fan from the Bay Area, who I actually invited over to my house to help record this episode while Dan was here doing it live.
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It was really fun to have these guys at my place, and it was a lot of fun making friends with both of them.
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Dan s a really nice, accessible guy, and the show went really well, not only because he s super humble and open, but because we were able to debunk a lot of the crap that goes along with spirituality.
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A lot of internet guru wannabes try to make it inaccessible, metaphysical, and mysterious, when in reality, it s supposed to be the opposite in many ways.
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They do this because it makes them money, and they can elevate themselves to some sort of weird rock star status, which also helps them sell whatever it is they re selling.
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So, Dan s really the opposite of that.
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He sells books because people enjoy them, they understand them, not because they re seeking something in the way of enlightenment that only he can provide.
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Yeah, you know, you learn how to fight so you don t have to.
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And it s like, well, a lot of the people that I know that learn martial arts learn martial arts because they re inherently either scared and or they definitely plan on using this against other people at some point.
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I can only speak from my own experience and people I ve known for years in the arts and some of the most loving, open, peaceful people I know are very good martial artists, but they may go through a phase when young kids first learning, feeling his oats and first learning a martial art, they want to show their stuff and they feel overconfident actually.
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you know, that brings us to the term peaceful warriors, like an oxymoron.
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How can you be peaceful and a warrior?
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And I don t mean to distill the value of the idea of a warrior Bushido in the Orient, you know, the warrior s way, a set of codes and valor and,
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virtue, the deeper meaning of warrior.
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And of course, there are people who are literal warriors, people who are soldiers, secret service, people who put themselves in harm s way, police.
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So I don t mean to dilute that term at all.
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But really, when I use the term, it acknowledges all of us as people seeking to live with a peaceful heart.
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But there are times in our lives, all of us, that we need a warrior spirit.
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It s not about fighting, except maybe with the inner battles of self-doubt, with insecurity, and so on.
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but it s about standing up tall inside of ourselves.
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who s one of the most talented and hardest-working people that you ll ever meet.
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In this episode, we debunk a lot of supposedly common sense about goal-setting, positive thinking, and other buzzword topics that people don t really fully understand.
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And Todd gets real results for his super high-end clients, and he s very liberal about sharing what he teaches with the Art of Charm family as well.
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So he s got nothing to hide, he s got nothing to sell, so the whole conversation is really agenda-free and relaxed, and that made this one great.
4
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I work with high-performing people, and they are just really good positive thinkers.
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I call bullshit on all that.
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I mean, I know these people.
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I work with them.
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And I m deeply crawling inside of the recesses of their heads.
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They are not positive thinkers at all.
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They are positive expectors.
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They expect positive things, but they think negatively.
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And I know you and I, when we had first met, I was talking about the principle of the positive power of negative preparation, something that I work with my clients on.
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Some of them come by it very naturally, but they are not afraid to think negatively about the risks, about the threats, about the weaknesses in themselves, in their product, if it was a business, and take a look at, well, how can I mitigate that?
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How can I reduce it?
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If this thing doesn t work out, what s the best way to respond if this thing blows up in my face?
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When you prepare yourself mentally, that is what mental toughness is.
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Mental toughness is the ability to react in a positive way to a negative challenge, outcome, or setback.
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Because if you think,
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that the world is going to come at you really hard when you start trying to do big things, you are living a delusional world, which is why these people who subscribe to all this positive thinking stuff end up washing out so quickly.
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Episode number 417 with Olaniyi Shobomehin, aka Nii Shobo.
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It s called I Am Not You.
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And this episode surprised me, because Nii came out of nowhere.
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He s an ex-NFL player.
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He s a big AOC fan, which I actually didn t believe at first when he told me that.
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I thought he was just buttering me up.
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But then he just crushed an episode that I wasn t sure was initially going to even air before we started recording.
4
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I was a little underprepared for this one, but his content was so solid.
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And once it did air, we got so much feedback about it, I just, I couldn t believe it.
4
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I can count on one hand the episodes that got this much attention on social media.
4
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This is in the top five in terms of the most tweeted, shared, emailed, whatever.
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And it was also funny, he has this verbal tick, which was ending sentences with, know what I m saying?
4
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And a ton of people wrote in about that, and it became kind of an inside joke.
4
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And he was a bit embarrassed by that, so I feel bad bringing it up.
4
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Jason and I had a blast talking on the back channel for like a week and ending everything we said with, know what I m saying?
4
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Which is kind of funny, because Ne brought it up later as well, wishing he had changed that one thing.
4
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And lastly, no one can doubt that Ne knows what he s talking about, because he not only trains athletes, but he was one at the highest level of competition being a pro NFL player for the Saints.
4
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Once they even get a sniff of the amount of work that this takes, they re gone in a few months, a few weeks, a few months, at most a couple of years because it s very difficult.
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The consistency is always the key.
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Exactly, man.
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And if it s right, I mean, that exactly explains the concept behind I m not you.
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So you re basically saying, I m not you, like, I m willing to do the things that you re not willing to do.
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So like, while most people give up, like you re reading up, like you re recommitting, you know what I mean?
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And you know, that you re going to outlast the next guy, you know what I mean?
4
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And that that, like, is a big source of pride for me.
4
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So when I m doing something,
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And I hear a certain statistic, like you always hear the business statistics, like this many businesses fail or this percent of guys go to the league.
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I m not trying to hear that.
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I know that I m willing to do the thing.
4
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So I think you re talking about everybody else who likes to quit, you know, when it gets tough and like to do X, Y and Z. But that s not me.
4
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You know what I mean?
4
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And this is one of the things that I brought with me, you know, all the way since I was in high school to when I was in the NFL.
4
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Like,
4
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At my last year at Portland State, I was having the best season of my career.
4
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I broke my wrist, you know, three games before the season end, and I was starting to get some looks from the NFL and things like that.
4
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Like, everyone was telling me, and they weren t saying, like, in a really, like, sort of rude way, but they were basically saying, like, your chances aren t that good.
4
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You know what I mean?
4
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Let s be honest.
4
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Like, you re coming from Portland State.
4
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You had a great season, but you re not, like, ranked top five or anything like that, you know?
4
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And not only that, now you have a broken wrist, and you re not going to be able to bench press.
4
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at the combine, which is like a huge deal.
4
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And I m thinking like, what you mean?
4
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Like, I m not you.
4
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Like, I mean, there s still a lot of other things that I can do in order to get myself a look.
4
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All it takes is one team.
4
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And you know what I mean?
4
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I need one team to fall in love with me.
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That s it.
4
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Or to give me a shot.
4
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And that s it.
4
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Episode number 398 with Michelle Lederman, The Laws of Likeability.
4
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Michelle s a good friend of mine.
4
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She s super cool.
4
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She s a corporate consultant, so I was worried this might be a stretch for us in terms of fit for AOC, and it turned out to be a big hit.
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She s really gifted at teaching, and she s a really fun gal to have a chat with, so the chemistry on air was really good.
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And she really walks the walk in terms of likeability, and we clicked instantly and became friends, which always makes for a great show.
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If I can t write yo in an email without you getting your you-know-what in a bundle, like, no, I don t want to have coffee with you.
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I don t know how to sip coffee with my pinky out the whole time, so I d rather not.
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I can t even tell you how much it frustrates me to do that overly professional thing, especially in the interview.
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And I can t tell you how many people fall into that trap.
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And I used to do a lot of mock interviews where I would help coach people on how to be on that side of the table.
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And immediately, as soon as I would try to ease them in, pretend I m not interviewing them, as soon as they realized I was interviewing them, it changed.
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Their facial expression changed, their body changed, and they became a lot more contained.
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I lost them.
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I didn t know who they were anymore.
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And it s very mental.
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I ll never forget.
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I went through seven rounds with one of the top consulting firms after business school.
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I wanted that job.
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It was the Harvard of consulting firms.
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I m not going to name names.
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And I was nailing it.
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I was hitting those case interviews.
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I was myself.
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I was comfortable.
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We were chatting it up.
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And after seven rounds, I didn t get the job.
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Oh, man.
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Mm-hmm.
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And the only feedback I got was my style was too casual.
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That s so annoying.
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And I thought about it.
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I was really pissed for like a solid hour.
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I was not just upset.
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I was angry.
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You know, don t waste my time.
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You could have told me that after the first round, you know?
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Yeah, no kidding.
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And because I was who I am.
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And then I thought about it after an hour and I thought, Oh my God, thank God you saved me from misery.
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Because if you are looking for that more professional style, more buttoned up, I would not have fit in.
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That s why I never want people to put on that buttoned up, if that s not who they are, mask in an interview and not be authentic because you re going to get to a place where you don t fit in.
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And of course, anything from Alex Kutz.
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Alex is one of my good friends here in the Bay, and one of the smartest people I know, hands down.
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The kid s like 29.
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He s done more than anyone I know at that age, and I know a lot of young superstars, to sort of put that in context.
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And the stuff that comes out of his mouth is always articulate and super switched on.
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I seriously wish he could co-host like half the shows we do at AOC, because he s just freaking brilliant.
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And from teaching us how to negotiate to getting hired at a startup, he knows how to break things down into pieces that anyone can implement, which is a very tough thing to do.
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That type of teaching is the core of what we do at The Art of Charm, so everything we create together is not only a perfect fit for the AOC family, but I found myself taking notes as well.
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Then we go eat and drink and be merry.
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So he s one of those guys that if I didn t like him so much, I d probably hate him because he s so accomplished that he s just getting started.
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So he s the type of guy that makes you look at yourself and think, damn, I better get moving while he remains super humble and fun.
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And I really appreciate that about him.
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One of my favorite things to do is lead him with a fun fact.
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So let s say I m talking about web design and development.
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I say, actually, did you know that HTML was actually invented by such and such person?
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And if they d privatized that technology, they d be worth more than Bill Gates.
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But they decided to open source it and make it free to the world.
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It s actually a true story.
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I can t remember the guy s name.
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But I ll lead him with a fun fact that s relevant to the talk to loosen people up a little bit, get them moving.
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Sometimes also, I will make up a completely fake story.
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And I ll say, you know, did you know that Kim Kardashian actually had a sword fight with President Obama on the lawn of the White House last week?
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And he goes, no, no, I didn t hear about it.
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I m like, oh, it s because I made it up.
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Right.
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And I just kind of keep people on their toes.
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But I do something that s kind of relevant.
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It s kind of for fun.
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It s like a joke, kind of dry humor.
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But it s very effective.
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Yeah.
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Like if I m like, hey, I m looking for a job, I d love to have a meeting.
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It s a very high pressure request, right?
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It s like, I don t know this person.
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I don t want them to sit there and pitch me and give me their resume and me feel bad about it.
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SPEAKER_02
I don t want to do that.
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Well, the other thing is if you don t hire them, you re sitting in front of them.
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Exactly.
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It s weird.
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It s just high pressure, right?
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It s the same thing with a date.
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I mean, all this stuff is recurring theme in every interaction we have with people, but if I m sitting in front of a girl and I m like, you know what, I think I want to get married.
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What do you think about that?
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How do you feel about kids, right, on the first date?
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She s gonna run away.
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Even if she s thinking about those things, it s a little aggressive.
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Maybe pump the brakes a little bit.
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Slow play it, establish a relationship, then figure out if there s an opportunity there.
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Don t assume that there is one and reach out immediately as though there is one.
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And honorable mentions for my top five, because it s so hard to narrow things down.
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Well, that s it for the best of 2015, as chosen by some of the guys who make the show every week.
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We hope you took away some gems that you haven t heard before and we ll give them a listen.
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Links for every episode mentioned in today s show will be in the show notes, thank you Fogarty, which you can get in most modern podcast apps by clicking the show art or visiting theartofcharm.com slash podcast.
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We all really love what we do here at the Art of Charm and can t wait to see you at one of our in-person boot camps in Los Angeles.
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For more information, please visit bootcamp.theartofcharm.com or email Jordan directly at jordanattheartofcharm.com and we ll get your transformation started.
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And I personally want to close out the year with a massive thanks to the entire AOC team, but especially Jordan, AJ, Johnny, Jen, Sanderson, and Fogarty for making this the single best job I ve personally ever had, and look forward to many more years, knock on wood.
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Now as Jordan would say, go ahead and tell your friends about the Art of Charm, because the greatest compliment you can give us is a referral to someone else, either in person or shared online.
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Now have a great 2016, and leave everything and everyone better than you found them.
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And we ll see you all next year because if 2015 was an indicator, 2016 is going to be incredible.
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Have a safe and happy new year from the Art of Charm family.
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Thanks for listening to the Art of Charm.
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Get more confidence, relationship skills, life hacks, and more at theartofcharmpodcast.com.