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Whatever pain or frustration or upset or suffering you may have, it s all internally created.
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We want to say it s the outside world.
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You triggered me.
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You made this not a safe space.
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You ll never be able to control the external world to be exactly how you want it to be.
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You ll never be safe doing that.
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You have to create the safety inside yourself because you want the answers.
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Hey everybody, it s Tony Robbins.
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Welcome to Tony Robbins Podcast.
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This is a really special and fun episode.
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This episode, we re gonna take you to one of our inner circle audiences, and you re gonna see a clip with Sage and myself, basically exploring all the ideas of how you can question, use the power of inquiry, the power of questions to get rid of limiting beliefs.
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And rather than just talk about it, what we decided to do is, you know, bring somebody up on screen and work with them there.
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So we bring up this young man named Rasmus, I think he s from Denmark, if I remember correctly.
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And we help him kind of question his limiting beliefs and you see his transformation in real time.
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So I think you ll really enjoy it.
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So thanks for sticking around.
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Let s just get right to it.
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Let s start with the power of questions.
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So I think what I d like to do now is to finish up.
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We re going to take one, maybe two questions from some people that are out there.
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But I thought instead of hearing from me, you should hear my favorite person on earth.
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Will you welcome my dear Sage Robbins, everybody?
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Give it up for her, ladies and gentlemen.
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Hi, Inner Circle family.
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Hello, everyone.
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Thank you, honey.
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So we re at home here.
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It s so special to be with you in our homes.
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Thank you for inviting us in your home and you in ours.
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So let s take a question.
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I thought it d be great.
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You know, Sage is, well, she s my wife, but that s all you could say.
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I m partial.
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She s one of the smartest, most spiritual, most beautiful humans I know on earth, and I ve had the privilege of meeting millions.
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I always tell people that, you know, I think the gift that God has given me for helping millions of people is I got this woman as my wife and love and partner.
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So I thought it d be nice to let her answer some of your questions and maybe on a little bit more on the outside.
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Thank you, honey.
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And something I d love to add to that is just one of the beautiful gifts in this space between our love, our relationship, is we both have an utter commitment to take responsibility for our suffering.
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And asking questions, inquiry is a path through that bound stuck energy of an internal nightmare.
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We all know what it feels like to be stuck within a trivial belief or a story of mind and they re running all the time.
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they re running and as they run and as we attach to them and believe them it disconnects us from this moment it disconnects us from our beloveds it disconnects us from the beauty of life
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And so for myself, I have such, we both, you know, inquiry manifests and lives in both of us and expresses differently and yet complimentary for the simple fact that we re both so hungry for freedom, for inner freedom.
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And as we inquire, as we dig deeper, as we ask the questions, Tony was said so beautifully earlier about, you know, having mind and heart connected in that coherence and through questions, if we have a willingness,
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just a willingness that s all it takes a willingness to claim responsibility for experience of life a willingness to claim responsibility for our internal suffering a lot of times so innocently mind is looking externally you know well if he changes if she does this when she does that then i ll be happy and yet
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I don t know about you, but I haven t found a human being on the planet that I ve been able to change yet.
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Through our love.
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through our love, but not through the expectation or the demand that I need you to behave differently in order for me to feel more comfortable or at ease or to get over this resistance.
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That s crazy.
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That s crazy inside of me if I believe that and I have so I can say this because it s human.
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This is actually where we all meet in this human journey.
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It transcends every religion, every race.
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We all meet in this internal experience of mind that can be beautiful and expanded and freeing or it can be bound.
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and restricting.
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And so I m passionate about this as much as this big beautiful man is.
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And what s so beautiful in real time, you re going to experience some different questions, questions that I ask, questions that Tony asks, and then as well, questions of a very dear beloved friend of ours, this path called the work.
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And you can just simply try them.
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You know, and all it takes is your own.
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You wouldn t be here.
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That s the truth.
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If you didn t have willingness.
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So Sage mentioned we have a dear friend named Byron Katie.
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And if you haven t picked up some of her books, one of the first books was called The Work.
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And what we have in common is we believe that the only way things change is by inquiry.
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In other words, things stay the same unless you question them.
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That s all inquiry is, right?
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But Byron Katie is just a beautiful, beautiful soul.
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So we ll probably do a podcast with her, but you can pick up a book, Loving What Is, or The Work.
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There are lots of great books.
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But the reason we bring it up is if you re
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you know, feeling like a little overwhelmed by all the questions we re asking here.
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She has a simple process, she calls it four questions in a turnaround.
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And I thought I d just put it in front of you just right now, just at its base.
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And then we ll take a question, maybe two at a time here.
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I m just looking at the time, make sure we re supporting you on that too.
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But we want to go thorough.
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And it ll give you a structure that you could consider.
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So let me walk you through it for two seconds.
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And then I ll let Sage walk somebody through it.
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And maybe honey, you ll share your version, because we all have our own version.
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Absolutely.
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But if you re looking for something that s like the same every time you could go to when you re dealing with a challenge, Byron Katie went through this experience where she literally felt she lost her mind.
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Literally, she was having a mental breakdown.
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And then she began to realize I m only having these feelings because I m believing these ridiculous thoughts.
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We all have thoughts.
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Who here has ever thought I m going to kill that son of a gun?
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Who s ever had this thought in your mind?
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Anybody out there make some noise you ve had?
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That created a lot of smiles.
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But you didn t really kill him, right?
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Because you didn t believe that thought.
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It s when you believe a thought that it takes control of you.
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So in order to get beyond that and come up with a new thought, she came up with what she calls four questions and a turnaround.
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So I ll give it to you real quick.
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You can review this later on if you want.
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You can pick up her book.
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And it s just one more tool for you.
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Let me do it for you first.
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I ll just walk you through it.
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We ll throw it on the screen for you so you can see it.
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So the first question, and by the way, I teach this to some of my business clients.
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So the first step, if you re going to make a change besides getting enough reasons to do it, having a big enough, why enough leverage is you have to break the pattern.
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So you got to interrupt the pattern.
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So if somebody says, Susie s a so-and-so she, and it s a derogatory term or John s a jerk, whatever the term is, her first respond is response, or I can t do this, or it s impossible to grow my business, or I don t have the capital or whatever limiting belief you have.
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Her first question she asked is, is it true?
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I go a little bit beyond that, because sometimes we say, is it true?
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People go, yes, it is true.
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It s just a reflex.
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So if we ll put it back on the screen, the first question, you write down a limiting belief, a limiting emotion.
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And you say, OK, is it true?
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Could this be a misinterpretation or misperception about Susie or about myself, about my business, about my resources, about the economy, whatever it is.
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Do we have all the possible information necessary to know exactly what this means?
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So do you really know what s going on with Susie?
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Do you know if she s having an illness?
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Is there somebody in her family that s being hurt?
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Can we really know everything to know that Susie s A, B, you know, or Johnny s A, A, whatever word you want to fill into those components, right?
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And if you keep asking this question, most of the time, if you re honest, you go, well, no, we don t have all the information to know exactly what s true.
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It s possible it s a misinterpretation.
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The moment you see it s possible that a limiting belief is no longer true, that starts to break the pattern.
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How many follow at least what the intention of that question is?
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You do make some noise, so I got you out there.
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OK?
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Awesome.
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Now that we started.
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to break the pattern throw it up on the screen for everybody so they see it you can take a picture of it too so if they want to because now we got to get what I call leverage you know just make a note if you would change is never a matter of ability change is never a matter of ability it s always a matter of motivation
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Meaning, if you said, I can t stop smoking, and somebody came up from the mafia and said, I got a gun, I m gonna kill all of your children if you ever touch another cigarette, and we re gonna monitor you 24 seven.
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Yeah, it sounds horrific, but I bet you could stop smoking.
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There s no question about it.
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It s never can you, it s will you, and the only reason you will is you got strong enough reasons.
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So that s the general principle that I live.
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So she has a second question, and it s designed, in my view, to get leverage.
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And what she asks is,
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What do you feel when you say Susie s a B or Johnny s an A or whatever word you want to fill in there?
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What do you feel when you say I can t grow my business or the economy is out of control?
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What do you feel when you say I can never lose weight?
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What do you feel?
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Throw it back on the screen so everybody gets it.
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What do you feel?
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What do you experience?
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You know, what do you feel like?
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When you believe that thought, what does it do to you?
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And a person may say, I feel pissed off, or I feel frustrated, or I feel overwhelmed, or I feel I don t have space in myself to even feel alive.
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And what that does is it makes people find what they don t want.
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It gives them a reason to change.
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Third question.
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Third question you re going to be asking throughout there is you want to annihilate the old belief.
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And the simple way in which she does this is she asked this question.
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She says, if that thought never existed, if you never thought Susie was a B, Johnny was an A, that you could never turn your business around, you could never, if you ve never had that, that you never thought you weren t sexy, how would you feel if you never had that thought?
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How would you behave differently if you d never even had the thought?
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what would your life experience be like?
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What would you be like if you didn t have that thought constantly in your mind or in the way or in the way of your progress or your business?
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And so what this does now is we ve gone beyond leverage.
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Now we re starting to make a change in a personal say, well, I d, I d feel happy if I didn t think Susie was mean to me or Johnny was a jerk or whatever.
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I d feel like if I didn t think it was impossible to grow me on my business, I d probably look for another way or to raise money.
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So it puts you in a state beyond the limiting belief.
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And then the turnarounds are simply what we re doing with these first three questions is we re taking those legs, those references that say, I m not attractive enough.
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Susie s horrible.
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I can t grow my business.
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My children won t listen to me.
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You know, I m not beautiful enough, whatever.
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And we re taking the legs out.
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And now that they re out, though, we want to make sure they stay out.
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So she does a turnaround.
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And her turnaround is, say, the opposite or the antithet.
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What s the opposite of it s impossible to grow my business?
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Well, it s totally possible to grow my business.
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What s the opposite of Susie is a terrible person?
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And that s the second part.
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You do the opposite.
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So it can t be done.
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It can be done.
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That s a simple turnaround.
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It must be done.
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I will do it.
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The negative belief, you know, Susie s a bitch, right?
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Well, no, what s the let s replace Susie with either they he she or maybe I when I m judging Susie, how do I treat her?
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Well, I m a bitch.
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I m a bastard.
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I m a jerk.
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Oh my god.
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That starts to really change the game.
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And then she asks you to come up with, what are three ways that you know that you have been terrible to Susie?
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Or what are three ways you know you could grow your business?
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Or what are three ways?
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And so it makes three ways you know you re truly attractive.
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Well, I love people.
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I love to please people.
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Whatever.
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And you come up with three reasons.
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And now you ve built a new belief, a new tabletop.
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Now I ve done that in hyperspeed, but how many get a feel for that?
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If it makes some sense to you, make some noise.
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I know you re getting it there.
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That d be great.
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And so you can do this whenever you have a limiting belief, and it s a really beautiful format, and it really works.
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Now, again, I m not gonna try and take you all through it, and Sage won t do it formally, because one of the great things I love about my wife also, she has so many great questions.
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So maybe before we take a question, do you remember the other day we were talking about all the questions that you ask?
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Why don t I mention one thing?
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If you ve been to Date with Destiny, you learn there s one question you ask more than ever any other question.
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The reason is your brain links the most pain and most pleasure to it.
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So some people are always asking, what s wrong with me?
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Some people are asking, why can t I do something?
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Mine was, how do I make it better?
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Constantly making it better.
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Well, that s helped my life a lot, except when I was talking, people didn t want to make it better.
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They felt offended, right?
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So I had to see the upside and downside of my questions.
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Sage s question has been one of the most beautiful things for her.
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It s always been, where s the good in this?
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And no matter what it is, once she can find the good in it, the pain disappears.
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So that s been her base.
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Well, why don t you share some of the questions I know you asked, because you were writing them down the other day.
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Yes, of course.
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Well, honestly, coming into this, I recognized that, you know, there s certain questions that I find helpful.
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One is, okay, say if I m feeling resistance or if I m feeling stuck, I m feeling that bound feeling.
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And so this is in my inner dialogue, I d be like, okay, hon, what are, what are we missing?
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What might I be missing right now?
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And usually what I m missing is the other s perception, the other s experience.
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And once again, that question, if you re if you re asking that question without receptivity, but if there s a willingness, it s like, OK, what am I missing right now?
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It s like I ll give an example.
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Say if I, if I walked in and Tony was really focused on something, and so his face is, you know, he s maybe less emotive, emotive.
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And I mean, like a really loving, happy gesture.
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And I walk in and as a younger version of myself, I misinterpreted.
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I would see him in a certain state and I would think, gosh, he s upset with me.
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He s he s he s mad at me.
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And so at times as life went on and I was believing that thought, then when I would see him the next time, that thought is like an overlay.
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It s an overlay on reality.
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I m not seeing beautiful man who s walking into the kitchen.
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Hey, hon.
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Hey, babe, let s have dinner.
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I m not experiencing that because one hour earlier if I m believing the thought that he s upset with me and so now I really just in real time is it true is definitely an ongoing but and and another one a complimentary one is okay what are you missing?
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Gosh, what am I missing?
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You know what?
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I remember earlier today, Tony mentioned that his shoulder was really bothering him.
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What else am I missing?
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You know, he s prepping for this event.
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He s got 10,000 people, you know, for an event in a half hour.
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He s probably maybe a little stressed for time.
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Nothing to do with me.
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And so that question for myself, it helps me to walk in the other shoes, walk in our beloved shoes, and to see beyond the story or to see beyond the belief.
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Um, another one, an internal one, this is just for my own body.
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I ll ask myself many times a day, I ll say, okay, how can I bless my body?
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How can I bless my body right now?
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Sometimes I might have a drink of water.
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Uh, sometimes I might pop outside and I ll ask myself, how can I bless my body right now?
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Or how can I bless my being?
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And my being is different than my body.
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My being a lot of times wants to slow down.
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you know, wants to, I might close my eyes.
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I call it like 60 seconds of grace.
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I ll just call, close my eyes and invite my awareness, my attention inward.
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That s nurturing for me.
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I might eat something, you know, if I was asking how to bless my body, it sounds crazy, but sometimes when we get going and we re out here, questions invite our awareness, our attention back to ourselves.
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You know, Tony said something so brilliant earlier that, you know, that it s rather as a leader that, you know, we want to empower the other for the answers to come within them.
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Same with ourselves.
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As we ask a question with willingness, it invites our awareness and our attention.
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It s like we tune in, say, tuning a radio, and then we re able to serve the circumstance.
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And so, gosh, a few more.
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OK, another one.
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if I m feeling maybe a resistance or something inside myself, and if I ll see if Tony s maybe feeling stressed, and I ll say, okay, how can I convey my heart right now?
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How can I convey a deeper truth?
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And so that might be verbally, that might be in a touch, but I find myself
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asking, like, how can I convey my heart in this moment?
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Because head is always efficient.
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Mind sees things in absolutes, and it fixes reality.
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It distorts reality.
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And so these questions are tuning us to tune back into ourselves.
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Gosh, I m trying to think of my other questions that I asked.
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uh in my expressing love or fear i know yes another one yes is uh so and i ll if i ll say okay am i expressing love or fear now that one s obvious obvious but not in the moment before you ask it and so if i ask myself am i feeling it s not even expressing i ll ask myself am i feeling fear fear feels like tension
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Fear feels like resistance.
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And so if I m feeling resistance, if I m feeling a tightness, that s a hello, something s going on.
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I have a belief, an untruth that I can, you know, questions that I can come back home.
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We all know what it feels like to be out in the world and you walk in your home and there s that feeling of inquiry invites us home.
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home inside of our heart, home and back to our essence, that from that place we have perception and perception is including, you know, perception perceives, it allows, it understands, it wants to understand versus an opinion, which is a fixed reality.
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A judgment is a fixed reality.
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And those are usually overlaying somebody, our beloveds externally.
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And so
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It s freeing.
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It s freeing to know that, oh my gosh, I can shift the nightmare.
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And by the way, life is offering all of us challenges, health challenges, life challenges, losing jobs, this, that, the other, COVID, all of the things that life is offering us, how we respond to that, how we react to that, that s each of our responsibility, that s our business.
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and so we can do it blindly feels a little clunky that can be painful to go through life asleep and asleep feels like all these lenses all these stickies over reality of hey beautiful man
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And he s prepping, he s doing the best he can in the moment.
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I ll even sometimes say, honey, do you know what, I came in 10 minutes earlier, and I saw you and I thought you were stressed.
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And he ll be like, honey, what are you talking, but I wasn t.
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I m like, I know that I m sorry.
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It also allows us to, to tidy it up, to tidy up the space between ourselves and our beloveds.
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Because when we re believing a thought, you ll come to see through this process, we don t even recognize what
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We know what it feels like internally.
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We don t always see what it conveys externally to people.
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It can be less pleasant.
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And so in our own relationship, it s so beautiful because it s two human beings taking responsibility.
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And if there s a confusion, if there s a distortion, it s, honey, do you know, I m so sorry.
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I ve just, I ve been stuck in my mind right now.
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This is what it looks like.
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I ve been stuck in my head right now.
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And I was believing this.
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I know it s not true.
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I thank you for just hearing me right now.
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And then I might share or he might share and thank you for being with me in this moment.
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Thank you for holding space.
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It invokes compassion.
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Because it s hard to.
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It s not hard to connect to heart with our beloveds when we re believing that he doesn t love me.
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He s not paying attention to me.
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He s upset with me.
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Why isn t he romantic?
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Why does he talk so loud?
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Sound familiar?
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we could flip it.
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By the way, I m not saying you I m just saying I m making it up right now.
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I probably thought it all at some point in time.
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But it s human.
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It s not personal.
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It s, it s human.
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Because mind is is always offering up these beliefs, different than what our heart and our consciousness perceives, which is greater than the limitation of mind.
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We have a list of the questions you re talking about.
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Let s throw them up on the screen for people.
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If you want a quick picture, here are some of the questions.
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That s very helpful.
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Thank you.
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There you go.
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So what s missing in this situation?
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Am I defending anything in this moment?
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That s a big one.
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What s the gift?
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What s the lesson?
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What s the blessing here?
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What s the experience?
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You know, what s this offering me?
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Yes.
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What am I resisting?
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And what do I feel?
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Where do I feel tension in my body so I can let it go?
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Am I expressing love or fear?
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This is one you do a lot, honey.
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What quality of spirit can I invite to this moment?
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More kindness, more love, more curiosity, more gentleness, more patience, more connectedness.
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Playfulness is another one.
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Playfulness.
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Because that s a game changer, being in a circumstance and it s just, you know, we, life in our busyness can feel, efficiency doesn t always convey, efficiency does not convey our deepest heart.
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And so for myself, it s like, gosh, you know, it s playfulness.
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I want to get curious about what s going on or sometimes it s patience.
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Patience to be, hey, hello, Tony s involved in something here.
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I ll pop back in a half hour if I m wanting to connect in a moment or say, honey, do you know what?
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I just wanted to hug.
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I know you re really crazy busy.
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I ll come back after you re done with this.
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It creates a language of love.
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Because through our heart, we re able to express our deepest needs and our wants, but it doesn t sound like, you don t do this.
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Why do you never say this?
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Which is blame.
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Or defending, what are you talking about?
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I love you.
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What are you talking about?
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That defense.
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So defense has a quality that s really obvious.
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And I ll ask myself if I m having a misunderstanding or a feeling that disconnect with somebody in my life, I ll be like, okay, what the frick am I defending right now?
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Because there s always something.
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something.
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Ego mind is so seductive and it moves so quickly.
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And so these questions cause us to pause.
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It invites our attention inward.
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And then what s so extraordinary, our own being, our own consciousness, so perfectly shows us the answer.
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From my own experience, especially when we write it down, it really assists me to answer the questions and to write out the answers.
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I want to emphasize that if you just ask it verbally, you may not stay with it.
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But we both are journalers.
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We both take it and write it down.
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Force ourself to, because when you see it on paper in front of you, it loses its power.
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It s no longer stuck in your head.
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And you don t have that circular thinking where you ask one question, then your brain asks another one, that type of thing.
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So I really encourage you to write it down.
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It makes a big, big difference.
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And the last one is, what is the good, the gift, the blessing in this?
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That is always, you know, once again, it s always hindsight that that mind is revisiting.
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Our suffering is not here now.
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Our suffering is in the story and it s about the past or a projected future.
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And so what s the gift in this?
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Because if we re experiencing pain or suffering about something that happened in the past, it s been my own experience that there s always such a beautiful gift.
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Some of the most painful, clunky, awkward, brutal circumstances in our lives have the deepest gifts
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have the deepest levels of growth, the most beautiful, magnificent opportunities to learn.
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And yet we could miss that if we don t contemplate and pause and reflect.
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And that s the beautiful, unbelievable power of inquiry, is it causes that, it doesn t cause us, it invites us to reflect, to contemplate, to notice, to connect to.
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And from that perspective, it s so stunning.
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It s so stunning to revisit, sorry, honey.
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No, no, I was gonna say, but it only works, the reason it works so well for her and for me is because you re taking responsibility for your own feelings, your own beliefs, your own feelings.
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In other words, whatever pain or frustration or upset or suffering you may have, it s like, it s all internally created.
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We wanna say it s the outside world.
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You triggered me, that s the new famous term.
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You made this not a safe space.
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You ll never be able to control the external world to be exactly how you want it to be.
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You ll never be safe doing that.
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You have to create the safety inside yourself because you want the answers.
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My wife is so beautiful in wanting to see what she s not seeing within herself.
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I try to do the same thing.
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And that s why we go in with the purest intent.
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to get to a deeper truth because we know that ll give us freedom and that freedom allows us to love more, share more, create more, and be closer to each other and to everybody else that we love in our lives.
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And Tony s so beautiful saying I m beautiful.
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I don t even know that it s beautiful.
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I m selfish.
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I m completely selfish.
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It serves me.
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I want to feel unbound.
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I want to feel free inside myself.
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And then life, boom, will offer something else.
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Hey, wow, feeling that resistance.
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And so it s such an unbelievable, powerful tool to notice, to appreciate, and to just uproot what s clunky and what s no longer serving and to transcend and to transform that through the power of inquiry.
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I believe we have a gentleman.
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How many of you, by the way, are now getting on the surface?
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Questions are the answer.
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Who came?
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I m going to getting the power of questions in your life.
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I can change everything.
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It s such a simple tool, but it s the most powerful.
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So we re already at two hours, but if you ll stay with us, we want to do one or two questions.
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Let s take one at least.
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Beautiful.
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And then Sage, why don t you take them through the four questions or a bunch thereof.
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So we have Rasmus Jacobsen is going to join us here from Denmark.
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Let s give it up for Rasmus.
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How are you?
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Thank you so much for letting me be here.
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I m so good.
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I m so my heart is pumping, but I m trying to turn it into love and to openness.
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Give me a little feel you out there.
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And Rasmus, our heart pumping is love.
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That s right.
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Rasmus, I understand you ve only been part of us for about three weeks.
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I know you ve not, I understand you ve not been to Unleash the Power Within, so you don t have these deep experiences yet, and you re going to get them.
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You re just beginning this journey with us.
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But why don t you share with Sage what has been your limiting belief or challenge?
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I understand that you are a musician and you re having difficulty putting it out there.
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Tell us a little bit about what you re dealing with, what the limiting belief is, and let s see, let s have her take you through the process.
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It s not only in the music aspect of my life, it s every part of my life.
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I feel like I put a clock on myself and I don t express myself the way I want to.
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I don t say the things I believe, I don t tell people about the things that I do in my life, the things that I m working on, my body, my mental state.
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I think...
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somewhere deep i m i m scared of failing or saying something and then getting proven wrong or them telling me something is wrong with what i m doing yes
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Yes.
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So one quick thing I want to mention that I m going to say through it for everyone.
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We all the brain, not your heart, not your mind, not your soul, not your soul and your heart spirit, I should say, but the mind or the brain tends to do three things you should all jot down.
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We all distort
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our brains delete and we generalize.
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And what that does is it disconnects us from reality.
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And when you re no longer part of reality, it s hard to change your life.
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So a distortion is when you take something and make it worse than it is, or you make it, you know, if you delete something.
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In other words, in order to be really angry,
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you have to delete all the things you could be happy about.
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There s so much of you just stopped and look around.
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I have my health.
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I have friends.
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I have whatever.
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So we delete things.
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We delete our, our relationship.
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Well, you always do that.
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That s the third.