0
SPEAKER_01
This is the art of charm.
0
SPEAKER_01
Learn everything you need to know to crush it in business, love, and life.
0
SPEAKER_01
Welcome to the Art of Charm.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m your host, Jordan Harbinger.
0
SPEAKER_01
Today, we re talking with my friend Bob Berg, co-author of The Go-Giver, a parable with some great business and life lessons and principles that we can all apply to great effect.
0
SPEAKER_01
Today, we ll discuss why the world isn t dog-eat-dog, and it s also not dog-eat-dog, but pretend it s not dog-eat-dog, and pretend you re friendly on the surface, but really look out for number one.
0
SPEAKER_01
We re gonna have some rules to apply here, the five rules of stratospheric success, and how they apply to your business and your personal life.
0
SPEAKER_01
how we add value or how we can add value without giving away the bank and hurting our own business or our own interests, and how we give but not get obsessed with the results coming back to us.
0
SPEAKER_01
There s lots of AOC core principles and overlap with social capital concepts here in this episode.
0
SPEAKER_01
So enjoy this one with Bob Berg.
0
SPEAKER_01
And with that, welcome to the Art of Charm.
0
SPEAKER_01
We bring together the best thought leaders, teachers, and exceptional individuals to teach you how to be a top performer in life, love, and at work.
0
SPEAKER_01
If you re new to the show, we d love to send you some top episodes and the toolbox where we discuss things like body language, nonverbal communication, persuasion, networking, negotiation, and everything else we teach here at AOC.
0
SPEAKER_01
In the US, just text charmed to 33444.
0
SPEAKER_01
That s C-H-A-R-M-E-D to 33444.
0
SPEAKER_01
Everywhere else, go to theartofcharm.com.
0
SPEAKER_01
We may not have all the answers, but we definitely have all the right questions.
0
SPEAKER_01
All right, here s Bob Berg.
0
SPEAKER_01
Bob, thanks for being here today.
0
SPEAKER_01
I really appreciate it, and so does the AOC family.
0
SPEAKER_01
Tell us what you do in one sentence.
0
SPEAKER_00
I help people create and communicate value in such a way that they create the environment for them to receive an abundance as well.
0
SPEAKER_01
Right on, okay, and that s kind of a mouthful, and I think you ve been in the game for a while, so you ve probably seen the meaning of some of those words degrade over time, right?
0
SPEAKER_01
The value and abundance and things like that have largely, or at least in part, been co-opted by kind of the self-help-y people who are like, visualize the Ferrari in your driveway.
0
SPEAKER_00
And it s fine to visualize that Ferrari as long as you re willing to go out and do the things it takes to get it as well.
0
SPEAKER_00
Right.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yes.
0
SPEAKER_01
Well, dang.
0
SPEAKER_01
Never mind.
0
SPEAKER_00
You can t just visualize it and expect it to show up.
0
SPEAKER_01
Right.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I think that s probably part of the problem.
0
SPEAKER_01
But we won t pick on all the millennials again, because I am one.
0
SPEAKER_01
But I like the book The Go-Giver, and I think this is kind of, would you say this is the foundational work for what you speak and teach?
0
SPEAKER_00
It really is, Jordan.
0
SPEAKER_00
The five laws that are presented pretty much are the premise, the foundation for everything, whether it s for business or life or better communication skills, becoming a better influencer, salesperson, whatever it is you do, those five laws, I think, really, they set up everything else.
0
SPEAKER_01
Gotcha, and I notice you have different flavors of the book on the website, things for different people who are aiming at maybe leadership or different types of things inside business, and we ll link to those in the show notes.
0
SPEAKER_01
I think we re putting the cart before the horse here.
0
SPEAKER_01
I wanna make sure that we explain what the go-giver is, what the concepts are, and I love the five laws as well, because one of the first things that I noticed when I was reading the book, by the way, it s an airport read, and what I mean by that is you can plow through it while waiting for a plane if you have a delay.
0
SPEAKER_01
I think it took me
0
SPEAKER_01
a couple of hours because I ate something in the middle, right?
0
SPEAKER_01
It s a really short read because it s a parable.
0
SPEAKER_01
Is it a parable or is it a true story?
0
SPEAKER_01
That s what I thought.
0
SPEAKER_00
Oh, no, it is a parable, co-authored with John David Mann, who happens to be just a fantastic writer.
0
SPEAKER_00
I m much more of a how-to.
0
SPEAKER_00
I m step one, step two, step three, so I was able to team and honored to team with John, who s a great writer and storyteller.
0
SPEAKER_01
One of the concepts in the book, which I loved seeing this just in the beginning, the world is not dog-eat-dog, and it s also not dog-eat-dog, but pretend it isn t dog-eat-dog, be friendly on the surface, but really look out for number one.
0
SPEAKER_01
And I see a lot of people doing that today where, pre-recession even, it was hustle and it s dog-eat-dog and Wall Street stuff where I was in certainly was the case.
0
SPEAKER_01
And then after that and now, I kind of see
0
SPEAKER_01
a lot of folks acting like, well, it s still dog eat dog, but I m gonna post videos on Facebook and on social media about how it s all about abundance and sharing, but really, if I have a chance to cut you off at the knees, I m still gonna take it.
0
SPEAKER_01
And this book is kind of saying, no, not only is that wrong, but you will lose if you behave in that way.
0
SPEAKER_00
Well, that s true, and you will lose, not that there aren t some short-term victories, and that will happen, but yeah, it s really difficult to live a happy, fulfilled, successful life, and when I say success, I mean that financially and in the other ways that success can be measured, whether it s financial or physical or spiritual, mental, emotional, social, relational.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s hard to be a real nasty person and really do well.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s just the world isn t set up for that to happen in its natural state.
0
SPEAKER_00
But when people are brought up to believe that that s what they see on TV and in the movies, they kind of get an idea that that s what it is.
0
SPEAKER_00
And so one of the neat things and the great initial feedback we got when the book first came out was from the hugely successful people who said, you know, this is exactly how I ve lived my life and conducted business, and it s what I ve tried to tell people.
0
SPEAKER_00
And so I think the early adopters were the people who already were doing this long before the book came out.
0
SPEAKER_00
And Joe, the protagonist in the story, the protege, you know, that was his mindset.
0
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, it is dog eat dog, but I ll act nice in order to get what I want.
0
SPEAKER_00
There s something about that that s not congruent.
0
SPEAKER_00
And you can t be a son of a gun at work and a nice person at home.
0
SPEAKER_00
It doesn t work out that way.
0
SPEAKER_00
You are what you are.
0
SPEAKER_00
How you do anything is pretty much the way you do everything.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, I love that.
0
SPEAKER_01
Where is that from, by the way?
0
SPEAKER_01
Because I know I didn t invent it, but I say it all the time.
0
SPEAKER_01
You know something, I ve heard that saying for so long.
0
SPEAKER_00
I remember T. Harbecker saying that.
0
SPEAKER_00
I spoke at one of his conferences, and he said that from stage.
0
SPEAKER_00
I ve read it in a number of books, and the only reason why I am not attributing it to anyone is because I don t know who thought of it.
0
SPEAKER_00
I tend to, if I say anything that I think is even remotely from someone who I can name, I name them.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yes, likewise, but I ve heard that so often, I don t know.
0
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, when you read enough and you watch enough stuff, and you see misattribution or non-attribution, it becomes impossible.
0
SPEAKER_01
I m sure we ll get 10,000 emails telling us who did it, and those will all have different people.
0
SPEAKER_00
You re absolutely right, it will, and there are so many things like that.
0
SPEAKER_00
The old saying, people don t care how much you know until they know how much you care.
0
SPEAKER_00
I have heard that or read 10 or 15 different people who made that up.
0
SPEAKER_00
The person who actually did, his name was Cabot Robert.
0
SPEAKER_00
He was the founder of the National Speakers Association.
0
SPEAKER_00
And he actually is the one who devised that.
0
SPEAKER_00
And yet I ve seen it attributed to Teddy Roosevelt, who I know lived before him.
0
SPEAKER_00
So I don t know.
0
SPEAKER_00
I mean, I know it was Cabot, but I don t know how it got back to Teddy Roosevelt.
0
SPEAKER_01
These rules make a lot of sense.
0
SPEAKER_01
They re interesting because you didn t just make them up for the purposes of the book.
0
SPEAKER_01
There s some talk about how this works within human nature and they re congruent with human nature.
0
SPEAKER_01
I d love to go through these laws and talk about, one, why they re true, just so we don t have to accept them at face value, because some of us are skeptics, especially when it comes to personal development and things like that, and then talk about how we can use them, because they re only useful if we use them.
0
SPEAKER_00
Sure, absolutely, let s do that.
0
SPEAKER_00
And, you know, Jordan, the five laws
0
SPEAKER_00
are they themselves are based on an overriding premise of the book, which is simply that shifting your focus from getting to giving.
0
SPEAKER_00
Now when we say giving in this context, we simply mean constantly and consistently creating value for others.
0
SPEAKER_00
and that doing so is not only a nice way to live life, do business, operate, what have you, but it s a very profitable way as well.
0
SPEAKER_00
Profitable in terms of financial profit or profit just in terms of the degree of happiness you attain.
0
SPEAKER_00
So what s the first law, the law of value?
0
SPEAKER_00
What is this law?
0
SPEAKER_00
This one says that your true worth, and this is true worth in the business sense, it s the law of value says your true worth is determined by how much more you give in value than you take in payment.
0
SPEAKER_00
Now, when you first hear this, it s a little bit counterintuitive sounding, almost counterproductive in the business sense to hear, you have more in value than I take in payment?
0
SPEAKER_00
I mean, how am I supposed to stay in business that way?
0
SPEAKER_00
It sounds like a recipe for bankruptcy.
0
SPEAKER_00
So, we simply have to understand the difference between price and value, and this is the key.
0
SPEAKER_00
Price is a dollar figure.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s a dollar amount.
0
SPEAKER_00
It s finite.
0
SPEAKER_00
It simply is what it is.
0
SPEAKER_00
Value, on the other hand, is the relative worth or desirability of a thing, of something, to the end user or beholder.
0
SPEAKER_00
In other words, what is it about this thing, this product, service, concept, idea, philosophy, what have you, that brings so much worth?
0
SPEAKER_00
or value to someone that they will willingly exchange their money or time or energy or what have you in order to have this thing of value and feel great about it.
1
SPEAKER_03
but at the same time, you profit greatly.
1
SPEAKER_03
And in the story, we use the example of a restaurateur whose name is Ernesto Iafrate, and he actually began selling hot dogs.
1
SPEAKER_03
As an immigrant, he began selling hot dogs from a push cart on the street.
1
SPEAKER_03
And yeah, hot dogs are commodities, right?
1
SPEAKER_03
I mean, they are what they are.
1
SPEAKER_03
One hot dog may taste a little better than another, but basically, when someone s buying hot dogs from a street vendor, you re just buying a hot dog.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yet, what he did is he made the buying experiences, the customer experiences so eventful, so special, so amazing, that people kept coming back.
1
SPEAKER_03
Kids came back.
1
SPEAKER_03
He made it a festive atmosphere.
1
SPEAKER_03
Business people would take their lunch hours there instead of going to a fancy restaurant.
1
SPEAKER_03
He created an environment around him that was just absolutely so special that he took the commoditization out of the hot dogs.
1
SPEAKER_03
He gave them more in value or use value than what he was receiving.
1
SPEAKER_03
Yet, of course, his cost of goods sold, the hot dogs, the buns, the condiments, the upkeep of the cart was a lot less than what he was charging.
1
SPEAKER_03
So he was also making a healthy profit.
1
SPEAKER_03
It s the same when he built his restaurant.
1
SPEAKER_03
It was a high class, expensive restaurant.
1
SPEAKER_03
You came in there, though, you were treated like gold, you were special, and not only was the food fantastic, but the presentation was exquisite, the wait staff knew when to pay attention to you and when to leave you to enjoy your meal.
1
SPEAKER_03
Everything about it was just so perfect that you may have spent a couple of hundred dollars to eat there, but you felt like a million bucks.
1
SPEAKER_03
And so you came away feeling better off getting more in value than what you paid, and of course, Biafrate also made a profit.
1
SPEAKER_03
And that s really what the law of value is all about.
1
SPEAKER_03
And it s the same as an employee, by the way.
1
SPEAKER_03
You don t have to be an entrepreneur, you don t have to be in business for yourself for this to be the case.
1
SPEAKER_03
When you are working at a corporation or a small business, big, but what have you, the fact is you may not be an entrepreneur, but you are certainly an intrapreneur.
1
SPEAKER_03
and your job is to add more in value to the enterprise, to your customers, which happen to be your coworkers, your supervisor, those who you supervise, your employer, the ultimate customer, to give more in value, use value, than what you re being paid.
1
SPEAKER_03
And this is what keeps you employable and makes you unexpendable.
1
SPEAKER_02
Is this a simple rule to just over-deliver wherever possible in the things that you do?
1
SPEAKER_03
It is, and it s to find creative ways to do that, because it doesn t have to be about money.
1
SPEAKER_03
It doesn t have to be about spending more money in order to do that.
1
SPEAKER_03
There are probably hundreds of ways to communicate that additional value that keeps you from being a commodity.
1
SPEAKER_03
And let s face it, you know, and we know, especially in business, it s a commoditized world nowadays.
1
SPEAKER_03
And so, what ends up happening is when a potential customer can t see any difference in the product or service, it goes down to who has the lowest price.
1
SPEAKER_03
And that s not a good way to run your business, trying to sell on low price.
1
SPEAKER_03
Unless your last name is Walmart, they do a pretty good job of that.
1
SPEAKER_03
But for most of us, if we sell on price, we re looked at as a commodity.
1
SPEAKER_03
When we sell on value, we re looked at as a trusted resource.
1
SPEAKER_02
Right, that makes sense, right?
1
SPEAKER_02
Because this whole show is, in large part, accidentally serves that purpose.
1
SPEAKER_02
The price is free, but the value, hopefully, at least to the people who invest hours of time listening to it every week, hopefully the value is high.
1
SPEAKER_03
Well, yeah, by the very nature of the thing, they are getting more in value than what they re paying.
1
SPEAKER_03
But you know what?
1
SPEAKER_03
Even if you were charging for this, it would still be worth much more in value than what they re paying for it.
1
SPEAKER_03
So I don t want people to think that when we say being a go-giver, that we mean that you re giving away something.
1
SPEAKER_03
That s fine in and of itself, but really what it means is a go-giver tends to be very profitable, and I know you are in your actual business.
1
SPEAKER_03
You re extremely profitable.
1
SPEAKER_03
A go-giver tends to be very profitable because they are so focused on value that they re able to charge generally higher fees than their competitors, and everyone s happy.
1
SPEAKER_03
You know, in a free market-based environment, Jordan, where no one is forced to buy from anyone else, people do business with one another willingly,
1
SPEAKER_03
There are always, and I ll credit this to one of my old mentors, Harry Brown, he said, there are always two profits, the buyer profits and the seller profits.
1
SPEAKER_03
Because really, profit is nothing more than an increase in happiness based on exchanging one situation for a better situation.
1
SPEAKER_03
And that s why people do business with one another.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, the second law, the law of compensation.
1
SPEAKER_02
This seemed a little bit counterintuitive in some ways until I sat and thought about it.
1
SPEAKER_03
Well, thank you, and I appreciate that.
1
SPEAKER_03
This one, the law of compensation, says your income is determined by how many people you serve.
1
SPEAKER_03
and how well you serve them.
1
SPEAKER_03
So where law number one says to give more in value than you take in payment, law number two tells us that the more people whose lives you touch with this exceptional value, the more money with which you ll be rewarded.
1
SPEAKER_03
We utilized the story in the book about Nicole Martin, the CEO.
1
SPEAKER_03
She was a teacher.
1
SPEAKER_03
She loved her job, loved her work, loved the kids, loved the parents, they loved her, but she kind of felt like, well, you know, the money wasn t really enough for her to be comfortable with and the bureaucracy.
1
SPEAKER_03
Marcy was a little bit hurtful and so forth, and so what she did is she found a way to expand her value, leverage her value, expand her reach, and she came up with a computer software company that taught kids how to learn, and she ended up serving millions and millions of people rather than hundreds of people.
1
SPEAKER_03
She served a lot more people with exceptional value, and as a result, she made a lot more money.
1
SPEAKER_03
And it s the same for anyone, whether we re talking about an accountant
1
SPEAKER_03
or a banker or a chiropractor or a dentist, or we re talking about the person at work who is promoted into a leadership position, they become a great leader and they re serving more and more people, their income is also going to grow.
1
SPEAKER_00
Over the last 17 years, we have launched our fair share of online courses, coaching programs, and finding the right platform has always been a challenge.
1
SPEAKER_01
They say if you do what you love, you never work a day in your life.
1
SPEAKER_01
But if you re an entrepreneur, you know the hard work that comes with it.
1
SPEAKER_01
That s why you need Kajabi.
1
SPEAKER_01
Kajabi makes it easy to run your entire online business from one platform so you can focus on what you love, creating.
1
SPEAKER_00
Kajabi is the ultimate all-in-one platform that helps creators and entrepreneurs build successful online businesses by unlocking predictable recurring revenue.
1
SPEAKER_01
No matter your niche, Kajabi makes it easy to turn your skills, passions, and experiences into enriching online courses, exclusive membership sites, subscription podcasts, thriving communities, personalized coaching, and more.
1
SPEAKER_00
The best part, Kajabi doesn t cut into your revenue because everything is owned and controlled by you.
1
SPEAKER_00
So keep 100% of what you earn.
1
SPEAKER_01
And with Kajabi, you also get robust analytics, easy payment options, email marketing tools, and customizable website templates, all built in.
1
SPEAKER_00
You don t even need a huge audience to make sustainable income.
1
SPEAKER_00
There are thousands of creators on Kajabi making six and seven figures with less than 50,000 followers.
1
SPEAKER_01
Right now, Kajabi is offering a free 30-day trial to start your business.
1
SPEAKER_01
If you go to kajabi.com slash charm, that s K-A-J-A-B-I.com slash charm.
1
SPEAKER_00
Go to kajabi.com slash charm and join the creators and entrepreneurs who have made over $7 billion.
1
SPEAKER_01
Hey, Art of Charm listeners, I m excited to share a new podcast I ve been absolutely binging.
1
SPEAKER_01
Winning is an everyday mindset, and Craig Robinson and John Calipari are here to help.
1
SPEAKER_01
On Ways to Win podcast, Craig and Coach Cal use their on-court wisdom to solve your off-court problems.
1
SPEAKER_01
Whether it s trouble at home or a workplace dilemma, the coaches will help you find a winning formula for success.
1
SPEAKER_01
You ll hear from prominent athletes, business leaders, and celebrities who reveal insights that made them into the leaders they are today.
1
SPEAKER_01
And don t miss President Obama sharing how he deals with pressure by projecting confidence, believing in your team, and taking criticism.
1
SPEAKER_01
Listen to Ways to Win wherever you get your podcasts.
1
SPEAKER_02
Right, and the reason this was counterintuitive, by the way, because the concept is simple and I can see people thinking, how did he not get that?
1
SPEAKER_02
I was thinking more scaling in a business being important, which is, obviously the scaling is important, but it just has to be taken in balance because you can easily scale and serve a ton more people and serve each of them less well than you did before.
1
SPEAKER_02
And then you re in trouble, right?
1
SPEAKER_03
Yes, absolutely.
1
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, because you can enter a minefield where you go, oh, I do one-on-one and everyone loves it.
1
SPEAKER_02
Well, I do 10-on-one and people really love it.
1
SPEAKER_02
Now I m doing 1,000-on-one and I have no idea who any of my clients are and my service is terrible.
1
SPEAKER_02
So you have to be very, very careful with that scaling.
1
SPEAKER_02
Number three, the law of influence.
1
SPEAKER_02
This one sounded to me a little bit Pollyanna in the beginning and I wondered if it was really practical.
1
SPEAKER_02
Tell us about, help us understand this.
1
SPEAKER_02
Oh, no, I love that, and I love talking about this law.
1
SPEAKER_03
It s the law of influence, and the law of influence says that your influence is determined by how abundantly you place other people s interests first.
1
SPEAKER_03
You hit it right in the head, it sounds Pollyanna at best.
2
SPEAKER_01
You know, it sounds destructive at work, right?
2
SPEAKER_01
But you think about it, Jordan, the greatest leaders, the top influencers, the most successful salespeople, the greatest marriages, is all about placing other people s interests first in terms of looking for ways to please.
2
SPEAKER_01
Now, let me qualify this, and this is the important part right here, and I just hope people take this in, or there s gonna be lots of mean tweets out there, okay?
2
SPEAKER_01
When we say place the other person s interests first, we absolutely do not mean you should be anyone s doormat, or a martyr, or self-sacrificial in any way.
2
SPEAKER_01
Absolutely not at all.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s simply that as Joe, the protege, learned from several of the mentors, the golden rule of business, of sales, of life, is that all things being equal,
2
SPEAKER_01
people will do business with, refer business to, allow themselves to be led or influenced by, want to be in relationships with those people they know, like, and trust.
2
SPEAKER_01
And there s no faster, more powerful, or more effective way to elicit those feelings toward you from others than by really moving from what we call an I-focus or me-focus
2
SPEAKER_01
to an other focus, looking for ways to make their lives better, easier, more fulfilling, whatever it is that you do.
2
SPEAKER_01
Sam, one of the mentors, suggested making your win about the other person s win.
2
SPEAKER_01
And when you can do that,
2
SPEAKER_01
you are now really building these relationships and you ve got so many people who feel good about you.
2
SPEAKER_01
They see you as the go-to person, you know what I m saying?
2
SPEAKER_01
But again, there s nothing self-sacrificial about it.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s not doing something that s ever gonna harm you.
2
SPEAKER_01
Anything you do should always be congruent with your values.
2
SPEAKER_01
You look at someone like Dale Carnegie in his book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, and what I believe was the underlying premise of his book
2
SPEAKER_01
was where he said, ultimately, people do things for their reasons, not our reasons.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yet the greatest influencer, the greatest leader, the greatest spouse or parent ask themselves questions.
2
SPEAKER_01
They say, how does what I m asking this person to do align with their goals, their wants, their needs?
2
SPEAKER_01
their desires.
2
SPEAKER_01
That doesn t mean you harm yourself.
2
SPEAKER_01
It doesn t mean you stay in a bad, abusive relationship.
2
SPEAKER_01
It doesn t mean that you take government.
2
SPEAKER_01
No, it means you re always looking for ways to add value to the lives of others.
2
SPEAKER_00
This one quickly became my favorite because the core of what we teach at AOC, especially the live programs, is getting people to know, like, and trust you, reaching upward, reaching outward, and then serving those people.
2
SPEAKER_00
So this one, at first I was like, what the heck, what is this garbage doing in here?
2
SPEAKER_00
And then I was like, wait a minute, this is the best one.
2
SPEAKER_00
Number four, the law of authenticity.
2
SPEAKER_00
This is one of those words that people are like, ugh, don t say authenticity, turn it off, right?
2
SPEAKER_01
I know, I know.
2
SPEAKER_01
And you know what, just after the book came out, that s sort of when that word started to take on that.
2
SPEAKER_01
So we can blame you for that, then.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s your fault.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m gonna say it s my fault.
2
SPEAKER_01
No, it s almost when the book came out, that word was kind of getting overused, and I almost, if there was a word, a synonym for authenticity, maybe we would have used that.
2
SPEAKER_01
I m not sure, because it is the right word.
2
SPEAKER_01
It s just a word that, as you say, has gotten so overused.
2
SPEAKER_01
The lot of authenticity simply says the most valuable gift you have to offer is yourself.
2
SPEAKER_01
And in the story, Deborah Davenport shared a lesson that she learned early in her sales career, and that is that all the skills in the world, the sales skills, technical skills, people skills, as important as they are, and they are all very, very important,
2
SPEAKER_01
They re also all for naught if...
2
SPEAKER_01
you don t come at it from your authentic core.
2
SPEAKER_01
Now, when you do, when you, as we like to say, show up as yourself, day after day, week after week, month after month, people feel very comfortable with you, people feel good about you, they know you, they like you, they trust you, they re much more interested in being in relationship with you.
2
SPEAKER_01
Showing up as yourself is really good business, which kind of begs the question, why do some people then not do this?
2
SPEAKER_01
Why do some people instead show up as sort of a,
2
SPEAKER_01
phonus bolonus.
2
SPEAKER_01
The default answer is, well, they re trying to pull one over on, I don t think that s usually the case.
2
SPEAKER_01
I mean, there s some people, oh, it s a big world, there s all types of people, we need to be aware of that, but no, I don t think that s usually the case.
2
SPEAKER_01
I think usually when someone doesn t really show up as themselves, it s really because they don t have the self-confidence to do so.
2
SPEAKER_01
They have not really embraced the true value they bring to the table, and I think as human beings, we all have two types of value.
2
SPEAKER_01
One is our intrinsic value, just by being here, we do show up with value.
2
SPEAKER_01
But we also have what I call market value.
2
SPEAKER_01
And this doesn t have to just be in the business sense, but I define market value as that combination of strengths, traits,
2
SPEAKER_01
talents, characteristics that allow you to add value to others, value to the marketplace in such a way that you will be rewarded for it, financially or otherwise.
2
SPEAKER_01
It might be that you have a natural or learned sense of true empathy and you re able to communicate that caring for others.
2
SPEAKER_01
You might be a fantastic listener.
2
SPEAKER_01
You might be a great connector with others.
2
SPEAKER_01
You might have a technical skill that you just have that just is fantastic.
2
SPEAKER_01
So, whatever it is, you know, we all have strengths, and we also all have weaknesses.
2
SPEAKER_01
And some of our weaknesses we need to mitigate, some we need to, you know, we can ignore.
2
SPEAKER_01
I don t run long distances really well, but at 58 years old, not planning to run a marathon, I really don t care.
2
SPEAKER_01
So, I m not gonna work on that one.
2
SPEAKER_01
And then there are other weaknesses we need to really turn into strengths, but we lead with our strengths.
2
SPEAKER_01
When we do that, we operate from a sense of confidence, and when we re confident, we can be ourselves, and we can be authentic.
2
SPEAKER_01
and that s a great point, that is such a great point.
2
SPEAKER_01
I think people sometimes, they interchange the words authentic and transparent.
2
SPEAKER_01
Yes, if you re at work, let s say, okay, and a customer comes in, or a coworker, someone, and you have a bad back, right?
2
SPEAKER_01
And they say, hey, how are you feeling?
2
SPEAKER_01
Now, if you re transparent, you say, oh, my back is killing me, I d rather not be here, and you know what, I think it s because of the stress I have in my life, and the blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, that s transparent, that s not necessarily authentic.
2
SPEAKER_01
Authentic means you show up as you re supposed to when you do your job.
2
SPEAKER_01
Okay, now if you re at your chiropractor s and he or she says, how are you feeling?
2
SPEAKER_01
Now it s very authentic to say, I have a bad back.
2
SPEAKER_01
But there s a time and place for things and we don t always have to say exactly what s on our mind.
2
SPEAKER_01
That s transparent and of course, hey,
2
SPEAKER_01
It s great to be transparent when it s appropriate.
2
SPEAKER_01
Authentic doesn t mean we have to tell everyone exactly what s on our mind.
2
SPEAKER_01
It also doesn t mean that if someone says something that annoys us, that we have to say to this person, you know, you are the most annoying person I ve ever met.
2
SPEAKER_01
No.
2
SPEAKER_01
Instead, you handle it tactfully and diplomatically and you get your point across, but you do it in a way that shows your class and is, aligns and is congruent with your core value of treating people respectfully.
2
SPEAKER_00
Now, rule number five, the law of receptivity.
2
SPEAKER_00
This one, I wonder if people see how important this one is, because if I had read this a few years ago, I would have said like, eh, okay, I got it.
2
SPEAKER_00
But I think this one might actually be, if you can list them in levels of importance, this might be towards the top.
2
SPEAKER_00
Tell us about the law of receptivity, and I would love to bounce some of this stuff off you, because I had a hard time with this in my business and in my personal life for a while.
2
SPEAKER_01
And most of us do, Jordan.
2
SPEAKER_01
We receive more comments from people while they were able to very naturally tap into the first four laws.
2
SPEAKER_01
The fifth one was challenging for them in that it made them rethink their basic premises.
2
SPEAKER_01
And it s really because of the messages that we receive from the world around us.
2
SPEAKER_01
First, the law of receptivity simply says the key to effective giving is to stay open to receiving.
2
SPEAKER_01
this really means nothing more, and as Pindar, the main mentor, went through with Joe in the story, when he asked him to breathe out and hold that breath to the count of 30, right?
2
SPEAKER_01
Joe tried, but holding an outgoing breath to 30, very, very difficult.
2
SPEAKER_01
Joe said, I can t do it, I can t just breathe out, I ve gotta breathe in as well.
2
SPEAKER_01
And Pindar said, well Joe, what if I was to tell you
2
SPEAKER_01
that it s been medically proven that it s actually healthier to breathe out than it is to breathe in.
2
SPEAKER_01
And Joe just laughed.
2
SPEAKER_01
You know, that s impossible.
2
SPEAKER_01
You can t be more healthy.
2
SPEAKER_01
You ve got to do both, right?
2
SPEAKER_01
You ve got to breathe out and breathe in.
2
SPEAKER_01
Well, of course, absolutely, that s what we have to do.
2
SPEAKER_01
And it s the same with giving and receiving.
2
SPEAKER_01
Giving and receiving are simply two sides of the very same coin.
2
SPEAKER_01
All the giving of value in the world to everyone around you, it s fantastic, it s great.
2
SPEAKER_01
But it s all for naught if you re not willing to allow yourself to receive in like measure.
2
SPEAKER_01
The challenge is we get so many, not even mixed messages, we get
3
SPEAKER_01
so many negative messages about money and about abundance and so forth from the world around them.
3
SPEAKER_01
And for all of us, we all live by a set of belief systems.
3
SPEAKER_01
These are basically unconscious belief systems.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s a combination of upbringing, environment, schooling, news media, television, movies, popular culture that kind of
3
SPEAKER_01
plants these ideas into our minds.
3
SPEAKER_01
Prosperity Authority, Randy Gage, calls them memes or mind viruses, right?
3
SPEAKER_01
They re little things that kind of get in there.
3
SPEAKER_01
We don t even realize that that s what s running us.
3
SPEAKER_01
Really, our minds, our belief system, we could call it an unconscious operating system.
3
SPEAKER_01
We grow up, we live our lives with ideas about the way things are, the subjective truths that we hold, and we don t question them.
3
SPEAKER_01
And so, when we hear things and see things like, oh, you know, people who make a lot of money, they had to get there by being crooked, or they had to take advantage of others, or wealthy people built their wealth on the backs of others, and all sorts of nonsense.
3
SPEAKER_01
Now, again, we live in a big world,
3
SPEAKER_01
There s all sorts of people.
3
SPEAKER_01
So there are people who do bad things.
3
SPEAKER_01
But here s a headline you never read or you never hear.
3
SPEAKER_01
Corporate CEO treats people fairly.
3
SPEAKER_01
Why not?
3
SPEAKER_01
It doesn t sell.
3
SPEAKER_01
It doesn t sell advertising.
3
SPEAKER_01
It doesn t get the eyeballs.
3
SPEAKER_01
But we hear about the Enrons and we hear about the Tycos and the Worldcoms because those are sexy.
3
SPEAKER_01
And they buy into the narrative that so many people want to believe.
3
SPEAKER_01
The fact is, the more free market a society is, again, meaning people don t have to do business with each other, they do so through their own choices, the more free market an economy is, the more necessary it is that if you re going to get wealthy, the only way you can do it is by providing value to people who willingly choose to do business with you, providing that value to a lot of people, placing your customer s interest first, coming at it authentically, and being willing to receive.
3
SPEAKER_00
Thanks for listening and supporting the show.
3
SPEAKER_00
For a list of all the amazing sponsors and discount codes, visit theartofcharm.com slash advertisers.
3
SPEAKER_00
Now, back to Bob Berg.
3
SPEAKER_00
This was crucial for me, and it s crucial for everyone.
3
SPEAKER_00
You can t fight it.
3
SPEAKER_00
And if you re not doing this, if you re not allowing things to come back to you, you re only really working half the equation.
3
SPEAKER_00
I realized that after a while, but then I started to think, okay, so why are so many people doing it?
3
SPEAKER_00
To what end are we ignoring our ability to receive?
3
SPEAKER_00
And tell me what you think about this.
3
SPEAKER_00
There s a victim or martyr mindset that a lot of people have.
3
SPEAKER_00
I m talking about us as humans, right?
3
SPEAKER_00
We thrive on others feeling sorry for us sometimes, sometimes, because of the uneven exchange that some of us produce in our life by constantly giving.
3
SPEAKER_00
And I get a lot of email to that effect, especially when it comes to personal relationships and often in professional.
3
SPEAKER_00
relationships at work, oh, I do so much for this person, I do so much for this company, and I never get anything in return, and I started to wonder, are people setting this up this way subconsciously, but deliberately?
3
SPEAKER_00
They sort of trade reciprocity and the ability to receive value from others, they trade it for sympathy.
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, that s one payoff, when someone feels, for whatever reason it is, that that s how they are going to profit, if you will, from a situation.
3
SPEAKER_01
And remember, going back to Harry Brown s definition of profit, profit is simply an increase in happiness based on exchanging one situation for another situation.
3
SPEAKER_01
Now, we might think, well, how could a person who feels put out and taken advantage of be happy?
3
SPEAKER_01
Well, you know what?
3
SPEAKER_01
That s their payoff, in a sense, is that feeling of sympathy from others.
3
SPEAKER_01
So we all do things because we feel that it has the best chance of bringing us happiness.
3
SPEAKER_01
But it also has to tie into our belief system and the way we see the world.
3
SPEAKER_01
There was a book I read years and years ago that made a huge difference for me in this regard.
3
SPEAKER_01
It was written in 1960, you may have read it, by Dr. Maxwell Maltz, called Psycho-Cybernetics.
3
SPEAKER_00
I ve heard of it, I actually have it.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t think I ve ever read the whole thing, I bought it in college or something.
3
SPEAKER_01
Sure, it s absolutely a work of brilliance.
3
SPEAKER_01
And while the title sounds kind of psycho-cyber, it simply means mind machine, right?
3
SPEAKER_01
And it really shows how the mind acts as a self-directing mechanism.
3
SPEAKER_01
It s been decided for us, of course, through the belief systems that have been given to us certain truths.
3
SPEAKER_01
And our mind, like a self-seeking missile, will aim toward that, toward that subjective truth, what I call beliefs.
3
SPEAKER_01
And if things get off track, it will fix it, you know, it will adjust.
3
SPEAKER_01
And in some cases, it means that if you don t feel you are worthy of, or if you re supposed to, let s say, be wealthy, or successful, or happy in a relationship,
3
SPEAKER_01
and all of a sudden you re in a healthy relationship, you ll do something to, unconsciously of course, to sabotage that to get you back on the actual target.
3
SPEAKER_01
Of course, this is all unconscious.
3
SPEAKER_01
Nobody does this on purpose.
3
SPEAKER_01
But this is the way human beings are.
3
SPEAKER_01
There are certain aspects of human nature and we need to understand these aspects of human nature both in ourselves and we need to understand them in others in order to be able to tap into them and to be successful.
3
SPEAKER_00
Now, what about folks who might be thinking, alright, it s easy for you to sit here, Jordan and Bob, you know, successful businesses, comfortable talking in public and going out and being speakers.
3
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, we re sitting here talking about being a giver and giving value.
3
SPEAKER_00
What about people who think, I m in the beginning stages of this, I can t afford to do this?
3
SPEAKER_01
Well again, giving value does not necessarily mean financially.
3
SPEAKER_01
There are all sorts of ways to provide value to others.
3
SPEAKER_01
They tend to come down to five, what John David Mann and I call elements of value.
3
SPEAKER_01
And they are excellence, consistency, attention, empathy, and appreciation.
3
SPEAKER_01
And you can show all, you can communicate all five of these in business as an entrepreneur,
3
SPEAKER_01
as an entrepreneur, as an employee within another business, as a spouse or partner, as a parent, as a friend, and in whatever way.
3
SPEAKER_01
You know, excellence simply means doing well what you do.
3
SPEAKER_01
It means you show up the right way.
3
SPEAKER_01
It means you know what you re talking about.
3
SPEAKER_01
It means you treat people with kindness and respect.
3
SPEAKER_01
It means you speak with tact to people.
3
SPEAKER_01
Consistency means you show up the same way, authentically, all the time, day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year.
3
SPEAKER_01
People know who they re dealing with, and that s something that s very valued.
3
SPEAKER_01
to other human beings.
3
SPEAKER_01
This dates back to the cave person days, but let s just say people who are consistent, really that in and of itself provides a lot of value.
3
SPEAKER_01
There s attention to detail.
3
SPEAKER_01
Whatever you re doing, do it with attention.
3
SPEAKER_01
Make sure you re focused on the other person.
3
SPEAKER_01
Make sure you see other people as people, as human beings, not as an end to your goal.
3
SPEAKER_01
there s empathy.
3
SPEAKER_01
I mean, empathy is just one of the most important people skills there are.
3
SPEAKER_01
And I say skill, because most people don t have a natural sense of empathy as much as they can have a learned sense of empathy.
3
SPEAKER_01
And, you know, we may say, well, that s simply putting yourself in someone else s shoes, and to a degree it is, but the fact is also most people have different size feet.
3
SPEAKER_01
And we don t know necessarily how another person feels.
3
SPEAKER_01
But the person who s empathetic can communicate that they understand that that person s feeling something and that they re there to help that person.
3
SPEAKER_01
And so how do you do this in business?
3
SPEAKER_01
You be that source of information.
3
SPEAKER_01
You be that source of connections.
3
SPEAKER_01
You discover what people find to be of value because you know that value is always in the eyes of the beholder and you help people get what it is they re looking for.
3
SPEAKER_00
Right on, okay, and whenever we do these discussions of value, I inevitably get a message like this.
3
SPEAKER_00
I don t want to discount what this person is saying, because at some level I also agree with their critique, but what about people like teachers, nurses, that are paid too little, but unquestionably provide value?
3
SPEAKER_00
Does that conflict with the laws here?
3
SPEAKER_00
Because it seems like, in a way, it might.
3
SPEAKER_01
It doesn t, but it s also difficult to accept sometimes, and that s this, okay?
3
SPEAKER_01
Let s take again a teacher, and this is what we actually use this as an example in The Go-Giver with Nicole Martin.
3
SPEAKER_01
We might say a teacher is extremely underpaid, and we know how important teachers are.
3
SPEAKER_01
So in that sense, absolutely, I mean I d love to see teachers making a lot more money.
3
SPEAKER_01
Now we also know teachers don t operate within the free market.
3
SPEAKER_01
truly because most schools are government schools.
3
SPEAKER_01
They all get paid basically the same amount based on whether it s seniority or what the thing, but they re not necessarily judged on performance.
3
SPEAKER_01
If education was more free market based, the good teachers would be making a lot more money and the bad ones would be making less and they d be out of teaching.
3
SPEAKER_01
And it would actually raise the level for everyone.
3
SPEAKER_01
But let s put that aside because that
4
SPEAKER_01
it s too much, okay, so a teacher makes a certain amount of money for the job they ve taken on.
4
SPEAKER_01
They ve willingly taken on that job, they hopefully enjoy teaching, or they shouldn t be doing it, because I m gonna say you shouldn t be doing something that you don t enjoy, okay?
4
SPEAKER_01
So, sometimes we have to for a while, but you know what I mean.
4
SPEAKER_01
OK, so they get paid a certain amount of money.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s not the best money in the world, but it s not the worst money in the world either.
4
SPEAKER_01
There s a lot of jobs that pay less.
4
SPEAKER_01
They work X number of days.
4
SPEAKER_01
They get, you know, a couple of months in the summer off.
4
SPEAKER_01
And generally speaking, they make a living based on something they voluntarily decided to do.
4
SPEAKER_01
It is what it is, okay?
4
SPEAKER_01
In the marketplace, you get paid on a couple of things.
4
SPEAKER_01
You get paid on how well you serve and how many people you serve.
4
SPEAKER_01
You also get paid on what the market deems that value to be and how many other people could also do that.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s why a doctor generally gets paid more than a nurse.
4
SPEAKER_01
They re both important.
4
SPEAKER_01
Nursing is hugely important.
4
SPEAKER_01
Oh my goodness.
4
SPEAKER_01
But there are more people, there s more of a supply of nurses than there are of general practitioner doctors.
4
SPEAKER_01
There is more of a supply of general practitioner doctors than there are surgeons.
4
SPEAKER_01
So surgeons make more money.
4
SPEAKER_01
There are a greater general supply of surgeons than there are
4
SPEAKER_01
Neurosurgery.
4
SPEAKER_01
And so it also goes like that.
4
SPEAKER_01
So that s why Nicole in the story, while as a teacher, she didn t feel she was making the kind of money she d like to make, she found a way to leverage her value and increase the number of people whose lives she touched.
4
SPEAKER_01
And just to let you know, she was based on a real person, actually a woman I used to date many years ago named Annette.
4
SPEAKER_01
and Annette was a teacher, and she was kind of the same as Nicole, and she felt frustrated by the same things Nicole felt frustrated by, so she decided to open up a part-time tutoring service to serve more people and make some more money.
4
SPEAKER_01
She was so good at it.
4
SPEAKER_01
that she started getting referral after referral to the point that she decided to leave her teaching job because she was making more money as a tutor.
4
SPEAKER_01
She built her clientele up so big that she couldn t take on all the people herself and had to contract and hire other tutors.
4
SPEAKER_01
And she ended up becoming more the salesperson who got the accounts and ended up having a very, very nice business.
4
SPEAKER_01
So again, while we might like to say, well, teachers and nurses and firefighters, they do such a great job.
4
SPEAKER_01
They do.
4
SPEAKER_01
They do a fantastic job.
4
SPEAKER_01
but they make a certain amount of money based on what they re doing and how many people they re serving and based on the value that the market gives it.
4
SPEAKER_00
Right, so developing a rare and unique skill set, even when you already have another skill set that may be less rare or less unique but still valuable, will bring your value up.
4
SPEAKER_00
Exactly, yes it will.
4
SPEAKER_01
Econ 101, right?
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, it is, and that s the thing, and that s difficult sometimes for people to accept.
4
SPEAKER_01
But here s the thing.
4
SPEAKER_01
We need to look at the world first as it is, okay?
4
SPEAKER_01
Then we can always make changes.
4
SPEAKER_01
But we might think it s really unfair that gravity works as it does, okay?
4
SPEAKER_01
But we know that gravity works.
4
SPEAKER_01
I guess it s good when it keeps us from floating aimlessly up into space.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s not so good when we fall off a seven-story building.
4
SPEAKER_01
But gravity works.
4
SPEAKER_01
You know, when people were looking for a way
4
SPEAKER_01
to, let s say, to invent a machine that would fly, okay?
4
SPEAKER_01
They didn t say, oh, isn t it too bad about this gravity thing?
4
SPEAKER_01
No, they first learned the laws of gravity, and of course the laws of aerodynamics, and then they created a device that would utilize those natural laws and be able to have the characteristics of a floating machine in space.
4
SPEAKER_01
But we first have to look at things as they are, and then we can look at ways to change.
4
SPEAKER_00
Now, this is a common critique that we get, especially when we discuss things like social capital, which is our course on networking, which talks a lot about giving value and providing value to others, along with the core Art of Charm teachings.
4
SPEAKER_00
A lot of people struggle with the following.
4
SPEAKER_00
How do we give but not think about the results?
4
SPEAKER_00
Because aren t we just lying to ourselves or to others about our intentions, because yes, we re giving value, yes, we re helping other people, but I still want something back.
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, here s the thing, we re human, and we all have these feelings, and it s okay as long as we understand them and control them and operate in such a way that is congruent, okay, again using that word congruent, with your values.
4
SPEAKER_01
So let s go with this.
4
SPEAKER_01
We go into a movie, we watch a movie, understanding, let s say we go in to watch a James Bond movie, okay,
4
SPEAKER_01
We go into that movie understanding that it s not real up there, and that what we re going to do is we re gonna suspend our disbelief so that we can enjoy the story, right?
4
SPEAKER_01
I mean, we know that as the terrorist points a gun at James Bond, he s not really gonna make some wisecrack.
4
SPEAKER_01
He s gonna be scared to death, right?
4
SPEAKER_01
But we suspend our disbelief because we wanna kind of enjoy ourselves.
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, you know, it s the same when we re in the networking process and we re giving value to others.
4
SPEAKER_01
We know as human beings we are self-interested creatures.
4
SPEAKER_01
Again, it s a law of life.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s human nature.
4
SPEAKER_01
Self-interest is what allows us to thrive.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s what allows us to create more human beings.
4
SPEAKER_01
But what we can do is rather than try to deny this self-interest, we can suspend this self-interest.
4
SPEAKER_01
We don t have to deny it because to deny it would be to lie to ourselves.
4
SPEAKER_01
That would be inauthentic.
4
SPEAKER_01
What s more authentic is to say, you know what, I know I m a self-interest, but you know what, I m going to suspend this right now.
4
SPEAKER_01
I am going to give value to others because this is the right thing to do.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m gonna give value to others because I wanna make a difference to others.
4
SPEAKER_01
I m gonna give value to others because this is the best way, it s the most profitable way to do business, it s just the right way to be, it s who I am, and because it s who I am, it s what I m gonna do.
4
SPEAKER_01
And you know what, you re not going to receive from everybody you give to, and that s okay too.
4
SPEAKER_01
But what you re going to be doing is you re gonna be planting so many seeds of goodwill, of greatwill.
4
SPEAKER_01
So many people are gonna know you, like you, trust you, want to be part of your life, that what you re doing is you re creating what we call a benevolent context.
4
SPEAKER_01
for your success.
4
SPEAKER_01
So feel assured that there s no need to deny yourself interest.
4
SPEAKER_01
Instead, simply suspend it.
4
SPEAKER_00
Right, to defer it so that you can focus on serving other people.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yes, exactly.
4
SPEAKER_01
Defer it so you can focus on that other person, which is what you should be doing.
4
SPEAKER_00
Now, where do we draw the line?
4
SPEAKER_00
You hinted at this earlier.
4
SPEAKER_00
Sure, some people aren t gonna reciprocate value, and that s okay, that s life.
4
SPEAKER_00
A lot of folks, when learning this, and it s always a struggle for me to explain this concept as well, we run into certain people where we re just like, listen, I ve helped this guy a ton, or I feel like maybe I m being used by this person, but I don t know because I m not keeping score, I m constantly deferring my self-interest to give to other people.
4
SPEAKER_00
where do you draw the line and how do you make the decision, okay, this is the type of person I should no longer associate with because they really are only, they re a taker.
4
SPEAKER_01
Yeah, exactly.
4
SPEAKER_01
We call these people go-takers.
4
SPEAKER_01
A lot of people think the opposite of a go-giver is a go-getter.
4
SPEAKER_01
No, no, it isn t.
4
SPEAKER_01
We love go-getters because go-getters take action, right?
4
SPEAKER_01
We want people to be both go-getters, people of action, and go-givers, people who are focused on creating value for others.
4
SPEAKER_01
What we don t want people to be is go,
4
SPEAKER_01
Takers.
4
SPEAKER_01
These are the people who feel almost entitled, if you will, to take, take, take, without having added value to the person, to the process, to the situation.
4
SPEAKER_01
And these are generally not people we want to do business with.
4
SPEAKER_01
Now, there s times in the business context someone is your client or customer, they re a go-taker.
4
SPEAKER_01
Well, you still focus on providing value to them, but you also make sure that you re careful, too.
4
SPEAKER_01
You make sure you protect yourself.
4
SPEAKER_01
Again, nothing about being a go-giver means you re a doormat.
4
SPEAKER_01
but when it comes to, you know, you ve referred people to this person, here s a choice you have to make.
4
SPEAKER_01
Let s say you referred business to this person, and they have served people really, really well, and people who you referred them to, they were really happy about that, well, you might say to yourself, hey, you know what, even though this person isn t going to necessarily give value to me directly, they re actually providing value to me indirectly by taking care of my friends or people, they ve made me look good, what have you.
4
SPEAKER_01
But it might also be this is just a person who, hey, you know what, Jordan?
4
SPEAKER_01
They re gonna take, take, take.
4
SPEAKER_01
They are not going to even be thinking about giving to you or to anyone else or whatever.
4
SPEAKER_01
This is a person you simply lovingly release from your life, okay?
4
SPEAKER_01
I mean, they re not someone you need to do business with.
4
SPEAKER_01
Again, nothing about being a go-giver means you re a doormat.
4
SPEAKER_00
Perfect, thanks.
4
SPEAKER_00
Bob, this has been wonderful.
4
SPEAKER_00
Is there anything that I haven t asked you that you wanna make sure you deliver?
4
SPEAKER_01
I think in a sense, and we ve sometimes talked in terms of financial and sometimes in other areas, and like any success principle, it goes across the board.
4
SPEAKER_01
But you know, one thing I like to keep in mind when it comes to the financial aspect and when we talk about value, that money itself is really simply an echo of value.
4
SPEAKER_01
It s the thunder, if you will,
5
SPEAKER_00
to values lightning, which really means the focus needs to be on how you can please, how you can create an experience for another person.
5
SPEAKER_00
And I remember years ago, and this is probably 35 years ago, maybe more, when I first started to get my legs out from under me in sales and was starting to do okay.
5
SPEAKER_00
and I was working for a company at the time, I was selling a rather high-end product, and I came back from a sales appointment without a sale, and I remember being sort of ticked off that the customer, you know, didn t get it, right?
5
SPEAKER_00
He didn t understand why this would be so good for him.
5
SPEAKER_00
And there was an older guy who kind of took me aside, and he said, you know, Berg, can I tell you something?
5
SPEAKER_00
And I said, sure.
5
SPEAKER_00
And he says, first of all, you know, when the shooter misses the target, it ain t the target s fault.
5
SPEAKER_00
In other words, what he was saying is, don t blame this other guy for not getting it.
5
SPEAKER_00
You didn t communicate it correctly.
5
SPEAKER_00
But he also knew why I didn t communicate it correctly, and that s because my focus was on myself.
5
SPEAKER_00
And what he said to me was this, and I will never forget it.
5
SPEAKER_00
He said, Berg, if you want to make a lot of money in business, actually he said, if you want to make a lot of money in sales, he said, don t have making money as your target.
5
SPEAKER_00
Your target is serving others.
5
SPEAKER_00
Now, when you hit the target, he continued, you ll get a reward.
5
SPEAKER_00
That reward will come in the form of money.
5
SPEAKER_00
And you can do with that money whatever you d like.
5
SPEAKER_00
But never forget, the money is simply the reward for hitting the target.
5
SPEAKER_00
It s not the target itself.
5
SPEAKER_00
Your target is serving others.
5
SPEAKER_00
And that shift
5
SPEAKER_00
made a huge, huge difference for me in all areas of life, not just business, but in all relationships.
5
SPEAKER_01
Thank you so much for your time and really appreciate this.
5
SPEAKER_01
I like the book.
5
SPEAKER_01
Like I said, everyone listening, it s an airport read.
5
SPEAKER_01
People can plow through it and then you spend the next decade and a half trying to apply it.
5
SPEAKER_01
consuming the content, that s the easy part.
5
SPEAKER_01
And if you think we went over the whole thing because we went over the rules here, it s not.
5
SPEAKER_01
There s more to it, and it s a lot easier to remember when you read the parable and you apply this stuff.
5
SPEAKER_01
So thank you so much for your time, and thank you for sharing this with the AOC family.
5
SPEAKER_00
Thank you so much for having me on your show.
5
SPEAKER_00
I appreciate everything you do, Jordan.
5
SPEAKER_01
Good stuff here today from my friend Bob.
5
SPEAKER_01
I really do like the idea, and of course, if you re a longstanding fan of the show, you ve heard us talk about adding value, not keeping score, not worrying about the results, being open to reciprocity and receiving reciprocal value.
5
SPEAKER_01
So there s a lot of stuff here that I think
5
SPEAKER_01
It takes a minute to learn, a long time to apply, and a lifetime to master.
5
SPEAKER_01
So if you enjoyed this one, don t forget to thank Bob on Twitter.
5
SPEAKER_01
We ll have that linked in the show notes as well as the book and the other resources mentioned on the show.
5
SPEAKER_01
You can tap our album art and most mobile podcast players to see the cheat sheet for this episode, and we ll link to the show notes right on your phone.
5
SPEAKER_01
I also post tons of stuff on Twitter that never makes it to the show, articles, insights, and other ways to engage with me and producer Jason.
5
SPEAKER_01
I m at TheArtOfCharm on Twitter.
5
SPEAKER_01
Bootcamp and Art of Charm live program details, bootcamp.theartofcharm.com.
5
SPEAKER_01
Remember, we re sold out a few months in advance, so if you re thinking about it even a little bit, get in touch ASAP, get some info from us, you can plan ahead and we can go from there.
5
SPEAKER_01
Also, the Art of Charm challenge, step-by-step on becoming a better networker, a better thinker, it ll make you a better connector, of course, theartofcharm.com, slash challenge or text charmed.
5
SPEAKER_01
to 33444, that s C-H-A-R-M-E-D, to 33444 here in the U.S.
5
SPEAKER_01
We ll also email you our fundamentals toolbox that I mentioned earlier on the show, and regular videos with drills and exercises to help you move forward.
5
SPEAKER_01
This episode of The Art of Charm was produced by Jason DeFillippo.
5
SPEAKER_01
Jason Sanderson is our audio engineer and editor.
5
SPEAKER_01
Show notes are on the website, those are by Robert Fogerty, and I m your host, Jordan Harbinger.
5
SPEAKER_01
Go ahead and tell your friends because the greatest compliment you can give us is a referral to someone else either in person or shared on the web.
5
SPEAKER_01
Now stay charming and leave everything and everyone better than you found them.
5
SPEAKER_02
Thanks for listening to the Art of Charm.
5
SPEAKER_02
Get more confidence, relationship skills, life hacks, and more at theartofcharmpodcast.com.