So, I don't just need to be a better doctor, I need to be a different person. Wow. You might want to start by being a person who feels a little less sorry for themselves. Either you're an awkward, inconsistent loner who's irritatingly apologetic about your best qualities, or you're a quietly brilliant surgeon whom others ignore at their own peril. If you're the first one, quit now and stop wasting resources. But if you're the second, be that.