How to Raise Happy Kids 10 Steps Backed by Science
When you ask parents what they want for their kids, what's usually the most common reply? They want their children to be happy. Via Raising Happiness 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents, Now there's tons of info on raising smart kids and successful kids, but how do you raise happy kids?, Sometimes it's hard to balance what's best for children with what makes them happy  but the two don't have to be mutually exclusive. Happier kids are more likely to turn into successful, accomplished adults. Via Raising Happiness 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents, So looking at the science, what really works when it comes to raising happy kids?, The first step to happier kids is, ironically, a little bit selfish. How happy you are affects how happy and successful your kids are  dramatically. Via Raising Happiness 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents, And this is not merely due to genetics. Via Raising Happiness 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents, So what's the first step to being a happier you? Take some time each week to have fun with friends. Via Raising Happiness 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents, More scientific methods for increasing your happiness here. Nobody denies learning about relationships is important  but how many parents actually spend the time to teach kids how to relate to others?, Just saying "Hey, knock it off" when kids don't get along really doesn't go far in building essential people skills., It doesn't take a lot. It can start with encouraging kids to perform small acts of kindness to build empathy. , This not only builds essential skills and makes your kids better people, research shows over the long haul it makes them happier. Via Raising Happiness 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents, More on creating good relationships here. Note to perfectionist helicopter parents and Tiger Moms cool it. Relentlessly banging the achievement drum messes kids up. Via Raising Happiness 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents, The research is very consistent Praise effort, not natural ability. Via Raising Happiness 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents, Why? Dweck explains "When we praise children for the effort and hard work that leads to achievement, they want to keep engaging in that process. They are not diverted from the task of learning by a concern with how smart they might  or might not  look.", More on praising correctly here. Want to avoid dealing with a surly teenager? Then teach those pre-teens to look on the bright side. Via Raising Happiness 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents, Author Christine Carter puts it simply "Optimism is so closely related to happiness that the two can practically be equated.", She compares optimists to pessimists and finds optimists, More on how to encourage optimism here. Emotional intelligence is a skill, not an inborn trait. Thinking kids will just "naturally" come to understand their own emotions let alone those of others doesn't set them up for success. A simple first step here is to "Empathize, Label and Validate" when they're struggling with anger or frustration. Via Raising Happiness 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents, Molly "I am SO SO SO MAD AT YOU.", Me "You are mad at me, very mad at me. Tell me about that. Are you also feeling disappointed because I won't let you have a playdate right now?", Molly "YES!! I want to have a playdate right NOW.", Me "You seem sad." Crawling into my lap, Molly whimpers a little and rests her head on my shoulder., Relate to the child, help them identify what they are feeling and let them know that those feelings are okay even though bad behavior might not be. More on active listening and labeling and how hostage negotiators use this here. We're on step 6 and it might seem like this is already a lot to remember for you  let alone for a child. We can overcome that with good habits. Thinking through these methods is taxing but acting habitually is easy, once habits have been established. How do you help kids build lasting happiness habits? Carter explains a few powerful methods backed by research, More on developing good habits here. Self-discipline in kids is more predictive of future success than intelligence  or most anything else, for that matter. Yes, it's that famous marshmallow test all over again. Kids who better resisted temptation went on to much better lives years later and were happier. Via Raising Happiness 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents, What's a good way to start teaching self-discipline? Help kids learn to distract themselves from temptation. Via Raising Happiness 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents, More on increasing self-discipline here. We read a lot about mindfulness and meditation these days  and both are quite powerful. Getting kids to do them regularly however can be quite a challenge. What works almost as well?, More playtime. Via Raising Happiness 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents, Playtime isn't just goofing off. It's essential to helping kids grow and learn. Via Raising Happiness 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents, No strict instructions are necessary here Budget more time for your kids to just get outside and simply play. More on the power of playing for kids and adults here. We don't like to admit it, but we're all very much influenced by our environment  often more than we realize. Your efforts will be constrained by time and effort, while context affects us and children constantly. What's a simple way to better control a child's surroundings and let your deliberate happiness efforts have maximum effect?, Less TV. Via Raising Happiness 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents, More non-television happiness activities are here. Sometimes all science does is validate those things our grandparents knew all along. Yes, family dinner matters. This simple tradition helps mold better kids and makes them happier too. Via Raising Happiness 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents, More on the power of family dinners here. Here are the ten steps, We're often more open to new methods when it comes to work and careers, but ignoring tips when it comes to family is a mistake. The most important work you and I will ever do will be within the walls of our own homes.  Harold B. Lee, I hope this post helps your family be happier. This piece originally appeared on Barking Up the Wrong Tree. Join 45K+ readers. Get a free weekly update via email here. Related posts, Good Parenting Skills 7 Research-Backed Ways to Raise Kids Right, How To Have A Happy Family  7 Tips Backed By Research, Parent myths How much of what your parents told you was wrong?, , Listen to the most important stories of the day.