This Is What Its Really Like to Be a WorkatHome Mom
When you're trying to balance working at home and caring for a baby, lots of things piss you off. Anyone who dares to ring the doorbell while your little one is napping. Your husband who gets to shower and put on a fresh set of clothes every morning. But as for me, nothing pisses me off more than those angelic stock photos of work-at-home moms. Stock photos of work-at-home moms piss. me. off. You've seen them. The baby sits quietly on the mom's lap, smiling into the camera, while the mom grins at a computer screen like she just found out she won the lottery. Or the mom talks into a cell phone, flashing her pearly whites into the receiver smiling at some invisible business partner while her toddler plays contentedly at her feet. I even saw one where the baby wore the same oversized glasses as her mother, holding a pen and scribbling on a notepad. Allow me to burst your bubble. This is a lie. An evil, terrible, self-esteem deflating lie. I'm not sure what photographer set up the placement for these photos, but here are 10 reality checks about what it's really like to work at home with a baby, And trust me, the fountain pen you gave her to stop her screaming is not washable. Apologies to my landlord. Remember when your college boyfriend told you that and you thought it was so sexy? It's not anymore. It's really distracting, and usually painful. She's not just sitting on your lap. She's sticking her fingers up your nose, pulling your hair, and  crap, why did you decide to wear those dangly earrings today?, There's a reason the baby in that photo has such a wide grin. It's because she just did something devilishly hilarious. "Dear Prospective New Client, attached please find my proposal fjdnvskfjnvrjvntrvnwrv 540gvo3fnekvnfv." Good luck with that new business. Give me my glasses, sweetie. Sweetie, give Mommy her glasses back! Pleeeeease, darling, Mommy needs her glasses to see how pretty you are! Oh, forget it. I'll just squint and guess. Darling, Mommy needs some time. Why don't you go chase the dog around the house?, While your hubby is getting Chipotle or Chop't, you're scarfing down last night's leftover casserole during the first five minutes of her nap because you've got no time to waste! Should you warm it up in the microwave? Nah, that 30 seconds will cost you!, Because let's face it, moms and guilt are just a zero-sum game. When you're not working, you feel guilty. When you're working, you feel even more guilty. You need a drink just thinking about it. But what you do have is a whole lot of grit, a ton of talent, and, hey, a PAYCHECK! You go, work-at-home mom!