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Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Rock Band. Guitar Hero. Why They Are Doomed.

So I will begin this by saying I am an unashamed Rock Band fanboy. Playing expert guitar and drums (and, when I'm feeling brave, vocals) is now one of my favored ways to listen to music and relax at the end of the day. I'll be in line for Beatles Rock Band on day one. I've written about how wrong-headed criticisms of these games are and how they are a cool, new way to appreciate music. Playing fake plastic drums is probably the most fun I've had with a video game, ever. I am one of the music game dead-enders.

Which is why it pains me so much to be the turd in the punchbowl. The fad is dying. Fast.

We all know it. We've all seen the glut. (What? Eight rhythm games out this year? Yikes!) It's the sure sign of trying to cash in on the installed base as much as possible before the fall. Sales for new Guitar Hero titles are, well, not encouraging.

If there could have been any question, the offer of a free Guitar Hero: Van Halen with purchase of Guitar Hero 5, before either of those games is even out, is the clearest sign you could possibly want. (This deal actually tempted me a little, until I realized that taking it would put me at risk of listening to Van Halen.)

The Beatles game will goose the genre a little, but even new releases with serious, broad appeal (Led Zeppelin? Pink Floyd?) will only slow the decay.

But, here's the thing. It's easy to blame the glut for the death of the fad, but, even if music games had been released at a reasonable pace, the thing was doomed to collapse. It wasn't sustainable, ever. I think it's interesting to look at why.

i. The Magic Wore Off

Now, most of this is based on my own personal observations and thus should be taken with a grain of salt. But isn't the magic gone? When Rock Band was new, I and two other friends frequently threw Rock Band parties, and they were well attended. Getting four people to pick up the plastic instruments was easy. Two years later? Not so much. I stopped throwing Rock Band parties after my last one, when I looked around during one song and realized I was the only one left playing. Everyone else had migrated to the next room. It was pathetic.

There is a certain sort of brain that has a compelling, all-consuming urge to hit those little colored spots as they come down the track. I have such a brain. But for everyone else, well, let's face it. Pressing the red button to hit the red light and the green button to hit the green light does not compelling gameplay make. It was a kick to do it a few evenings. Now it's done. Even a game for the Casual Market (tm) has to have SOMETHING to it.

ii. It Is An Expensive Activity ...

$249 for the full Beatles: Rock Band set. Again, yikes.

Happily, in an effort to avoid flaming suicide, it was just announced that there will be cheaper bundles available. And yet, MSRP of $160 is still pretty darn spendy.

iii. ... and Not Just In Cash

I'm talking about cost in resources. And my liberal leanings are going to show a little in the next paragraph, so be warned.

It takes a lot of resources to make these bulky instruments (especially drums), pack them up, ship them over the sea, get them to you, and, from there, dump them in landfills. A lot of plastic and oil in our new oil-short, global-warming reality. And, if this recession should have taught us anything, it's that we're going too much in debt buying too much useless crap from the Chinese. Something has got to go. And I think shoddy plastic Fisher Price drum kits will be first in line.

And, perhaps most significantly, these games consume a lot of space in stores. You want to know when there will be serious blood on the walls in the music game business? It'll be when some executive at Best Buy looks at the enormous amount of precious floor space taken up by big, bulky Rock Band and Guitar Hero boxes, remembers the sloping sales, and says, "Enough."

What Is the Future?

Of course, music games will remain a profitable little niche in this huge industry. Nothing that generates as many sales as Guitar Hero 3 had can ever disappear. But how will it evolve in a sustainable form?

First, games with vocals will always do all right. Microphones are small and easy to make. People love singing drunken karaoke. SingStar fans have nothing to worry about.

Guitar games will always survive. Fake plastic guitars are relatively small, flat, and easy to pack. Stores will always have a small section with two or three brands of plastic geetar. Borderline Asperger's cases like me will always have little, bright lights to hit.

Which brings us to my beloved drums. Harmonix did an amazing job of creating a mode of gameplay which sits interestingly in the shadow zone between video games and real instruments. Fake plastic drums are awesome. But let's face it. They're big. They're bulky. They don't last long under heavy use. (No cheap plastic toy will withstand being hit with a stick thousands of times.) And they aren't popular. The current mode of fake drum playing is just too tricky for the casual types these games need to live.

The drums will have to go. And when they do, band games will have to go too. Music games will fragment into singing games (for the many who love that) and guitar games (which two people can play, instead of four). Rock Band, if it survives, will still provide drum charts for the installed base. But in a few years, when we go to the next generation of consoles? Forget it.

And, someday, we will look back on the Great Music Game Fad and remember the glut of titles and the mountains of instruments at Best Buy and the $299 video game controller and go, "Wow, what was that all about?" and laugh and laugh and laugh.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Beta Testers: Getting Them. Keeping Them.

I've been running Spiderweb Software for about fifteen years now. I owe my ability to make a living writing my cute, little Indie RPGs to a lot of things. Tenacity. A moderate amount of designing skill. Dumb luck.

But, as much as anything else, I owe my ability to stay in business to a group of skilled, dedicated, hard-working volunteer beta testers.

There is a huge chasm between the rough, quivering lump of code you just wrote and a solid product you can distribute to actual people. To make your game/mod/level/adventure publicly available without melting someone's computer, you will need testers. And, if you are a lone individual or running a little company like mine, you won't be able to afford to pay QA people. Thus, you will need to go out and find testers.

I've been doing this for a long time. Here is some advice for how to find the people you need to test your game (or other sort of application) and how to deal with them when you have them.

1. How To Get Testing Volunteers

I am established and have a fan base, so this part is easy for me. I write that I need testers on my web site, take the beta testing application page live, and winnow through a huge pile of applications. If you're just getting started, you will have a harder time.

Make a web page and put up some info and screenshots, so that people can drop by and see what you are making. Then go to online forums where gamers hang out. Write a short, respectful post saying "Hey, I'm making this and I need testers. Drop by my web site and take a look. Send such and such information here." While forums justifiably hate advertisements, offering an opportunity like this is generally tolerated. (And even sometimes appreciated.)

Ask potential testers to send you information about themselves. What sort of computer do you have? What sort of hardware? What sort of games do you like? What have you tested before?

Hopefully, you will get applicants. However, I'll warn you now. You will get very few decent testers. People who can play a game, analyze it, spot bugs, report them in a coherent manner, and come back for more are very rare. They are precious jewels. You'll have to sort through a lot of, well, people who aren't jewels, to find them.

Also, don't be afraid to use your friends, but don't get your hopes up. Very few people have the mental skills and dedication it takes to be a good tester. The odds of any given friend having those characteristics are low. But give it a shot.

2. How To Screen Your Testers

When you get a pile of testers, you'll need to pick out the ones who are potentially useful. One advantage of asking them to write about themselves is that you will be able to scratch out a bunch of incoherent, confused, and crazy folks right away. If they can't answer a few simple questions, they will not be able to report bugs well. We all know how dangerous the incoherent can be in positions of importance.

Once I've picked out a few applications, I make them provide a signed Non-Disclosure Agreement (I let them fax the form, mail it, or e-mail me a .pdf signature). Google "non-disclosure agreement template" to find a few boilerplate versions.

Now, to be honest, if someone leaks your beta, there isn't much you can do about it. But make people sign an NDA anyway. It's legal protection. It stresses to them how important secrecy is. And making them send an NDA in is great for weeding out flakes. If they aren't together enough to send a signature, they probably won't be able to test well.

OK. Hopefully you have a few testers. Some of them might even be decent. If not, you'll be back to begging on the forums again.

3. How To Instruct Your Testers

You will need to give your testers clear instructions. How should they report bugs? Where should they report bugs to? Any particular format you want bug reports in? The exact details will vary depending on the sort of product you are trying to test. However, you will need to tell the testers something.

This is also a good chance to explain to them important basics. Things like how to take a screenshot or how to compress large files before sending them. And make sure to stress that, in any given report, they need to say the exact version of the beta they found the problem in. (So you don't go chasing down bugs you have already fixed.)

4. How To Interact With Your Testers

First off, always be nice. Always take constructive criticism well. These people are volunteers. They are spending their priceless and irreplaceable time helping you for free. Be polite. Be professional. Never lose your temper. If you find yourself writing a snide e-mail, get up. Take a walk. Count to ten. Then delete it. I have lost my temper with a tester only two or three times, and I always felt terrible about it afterwards.

This is a good chance to work on developing a thick skin. Nothing the testers subject you to will compare to the abuse you'll take online after your project has been released.

Don't hesitate to ask for more information about a report when you need it. Ask for exact steps to reproduce the problem. Screenshots. Saved games. Stress to testers that they need to provide lots of details. You never know what tiny scrap of information will help you to find a bug. Vague reports are useless reports. And, if a tester never answers your follow-up questions, that tester should probably be fired.

Yes, you will sometimes need to fire your volunteers. If they don't use the product. If they don't send helpful reports. If they don't treat you in a polite and professional manner. (The way you are treating them. Right?) Just because they aren't being paid doesn't mean that they should always be kept around. They are taking up your time and they are eating up a precious beta tester slot. Also, being able to beta test is valuable, even if no cash is paid. It is professional experience (more on that later) and a chance to actually take part in the creative process. These are valuable things.

5. How To Reward Your Testers

You must treat your testers with the respect and gratitude they deserve. Thank them. List them in the credits. Give them a free copy of your game.

Some testers will help you in order to get experience, in the hopes of getting a real QA job. If a helpful tester asks you for a reference, give one, and make it good. I have had people ask me for references before, and my success rate for getting people their desired positions is 100%.

And Good Luck.

Don't be ashamed to ask for help. For a certain, rare, marvelous breed of person, the ability to take part in the creative process is a great opportunity. Find those people and let them help you. Be nice. Be professional. Figure out what works for your particular product and go with it. After all, without testers, all software would suck.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Sometimes, I Link To a Comic Strip.

I have two things to say about this.

First, every aspiring Indie developer should set this comic as their screensaver, so that it flashes up at any moment when you are foolish enough to feel hope.

Second, I love the term "Indie games" because it doesn't have all the Loser connotations that "shareware" did. I now realize that it's only a matter of time before "Indie game" gets all the same connotations.

If you don't believe me, drop by XNA Community games (Soon to be XBox Live Indie Games. Thanks Microsoft!) and try those out. (Shudder.)

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Review: Secret Of Monkey Island, Special Edition.

I used to, in a prior century, be an absolute fiend for adventure games. I loved Infocom more than anything. I would spend three or four months trying to solve a game like, say, Zork II, going at it again and again, trying absolutely every little thing, so that I could have the joy and satisfaction of solving it without degrading myself by getting a hint. Months.

Wow. I was a dope.

It hurts me deeply to say it. But. Is there a genre of computer game that suffered a faster, harsher, and more deserved downfall than the adventure game, with its obscure, illogical puzzles and its total lack of hesitation about stopping you stone cold because you didn't notice some 2x2 pixel detail on the screen?

I don't want to spend too much time kicking a genre when it's down. It has already been taken to pieces better than I ever could here and here.

But adventure games are not dead. Now the flame is kept alive almost solely by Telltale Games, makers of the Sam & Max, Wallace & Gromit, Tales of Monkey Island games, not to mention Strong Bad's Cool Game For Attractive People. Good for them. It's a lonely vigil. (By the way, I've played Seasons One and Two of Sam & Max. Good games. Lots of fun, as long as you grab a hint any time you're stuck for more than fifteen minutes.)

Although my feeble old brain lacks the patience to bang away at adventure games like I used to, I do get the occasional nostalgic urge to play one for old times sake. And since The Secret Of Monkey Island is a classic which I managed to avoid playing, I jumped at the chance to play the Special Edition on XBox Live.

My review: If you hold down the 'X' button for a few seconds, the game gives you a hint. Do this every time you're stuck for more than fifteen minutes, and you'll have a fantastic time.

Longer version: It's extremely funny. It comes with an awesome feature where you can press a button to toggle between the original version of the game and the new spiffy version, which never stops being cool. Some of the puzzles are really ingenious. And, if you go too long without pressing 'X', it will remind you of everything that was horrible about adventure games.

An Example. (Warning! I am about to reveal the answer to a puzzle!)

So there's a fish on a dock. There is a seagull next to it. You need the fish, but you are afraid that, if you reach for it, the seagull will peck you. So you have to scare the seagull away.

This seems like it should be easy. You see, at this point in the game, you are carrying around a shovel and a sword. And I personally may be no pirate hero, but I assure you that I could use either of those items to scare away a seagull. Because, you know. Sword.

But that isn't the answer. You see, the board the seagull is standing on is loose. Note that there is no visual cue that the board is different from any other board. You need to walk around the dock until you hit the sweet spot and lift the board and knock the seagull away. Of course. The puzzle is solved by wandering around randomly. And hoping you step on the correct spot.

Getting stuck and needing to beg for help on something like this makes me feel angry and stupid. In any game, any bottleneck along the lines of "Be clever or be stuck here forever." is iffy design, at best. So now I mainly play games where the puzzle is how to get past the monster at the end of the hall and the only thing I have in my inventory is a big, big gun.

How Smart I Am ...

I needed about six hints to finish the game. Usually the hint just drew my attention to the door or little screen speck I missed. Playing the game in my TV instead of a monitor and moving the cursor around with a joystick instead of the mouse only makes it harder to find that vitally important hotspot that's about the size of an ant's booger. So be warned. You're gonna spend a lot of time staring.

But I shouldn't let this just be some big rant about adventure games. Monkey Island is really funny, most of the puzzles are neat, and it's a chance to sample gaming history.

But if you stop having fun, even for a moment, lean on that 'X' button and don't be ashamed. Every adventure game should have that feature. What do the developers care if I finish the game quickly? They already have my money!


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Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Chitty Chitty bang bang is back!!

Flying car takes high

road to Timbuktu

Read on (REALLY)

Windows Live™: Keep your life in sync. Check it out.

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Sunday, January 26, 2014

God is good!

Forgive my lack of posts! Life has been so busy that when I actually have time to post I am too tired or un-motivated. Eeeks!

Just wanted to thank God for all that He is doing! He moved in our services today and is drawing souls in. We had 14 first time visitors and 4 people come back who have visited the church before. I must admit, before service and even during I was having a hard time getting with it and have been going through was seems to be a "dry spell." Sometimes I think those are harder than the dark times where you cry your eyes out -- because it's in those dark times it seems God is so close and it's so easy to touch Him. In the dry times, however, it's easy for doubt to come or wonder, "am I doing something wrong? What's wrong with me?" And of course, we should always examine ourselves to make sure there isn't a reason why we're not feeling God; But, at the same time, there are just some dry places on the road of life where much doesn't seem to be happening and you don't seem to feel much.

It's through those times that I know I must hold on and just keep on serving Him and doing my best, regardless of how I feel. Feelings are fickle and cannot be trusted; they are deceptive. Many people get confused because they "feel" so strongly about something, and feelings are so very real. Yet feelings are just feelings and not always truth.

Anyhow, back to the visitors and the good service! It's amazing how in dry times when we can't seem to touch God like we want to and even start to feel sorry for ourselves that God has a way of opening our eyes. After seeing all these people come to church and pray and cry in the altar, God reminds me that I have a purpose and a calling. No labor for Him is in vain! In the winter when it's cold and dry we don't see much happening, but there is a lot happening under the surface! It doesn't show until spring. The same thing can happen spiritually. When it feels your labor is in vain, nothing is happening, and you feel like giving up -- DON'T! You could be right around the corner from victory.

Like my dad has always told me, "It's gonna be blood, sweat, and tears all the way to the pearly gates." That's just life! But it's such a good life living for God if we will keep our eyes on the harvest and remember that He will come through if you hold and keep sewing the seed! Spring time is coming! Just hang on! Dry times are just seasons!

1 comment:

stephen Hodge said...

Well Jennifer i can concur with your feelings on the dry spell.i just came through one that lasted for over a year!it is amazing though that even at times when i was not faithful to God he was faithful to me.and it was through this time i can say that i know him better.and i am closer to him than ive ever been.through these times of dryness we are molded and shaped.and we dont even see or feel the hand of God in our life but he is if it continues just hang on cause if you keep priming that well it will bring forth water sooner or later.


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Friday, July 29, 2005

Drinks & a movie

Tonight I met Kelly up at Chili's for drinks & then we saw the movie The Wedding Crashers - great movie!  I went to nursing school with Kelly.  She works at a different hospital now, but we get together now & then to catch up on how things are going.  We had read about it in the past, but now it's a reality.  I'm talking about exchanging all of the gross details, facts, stories, situations about what we've encountered at work.  Stuff that non-medical people would freak out over hearing about, much less being able to eat at the same time.  Gotta have a good sense humor to survive!!!!!  Otherwise the stress will eat you alive.

Update on my house situation - both the house I live in & the house I rent are up for sale.  A builder has touched base with my dad & wants to buy all the land we have to sell (about 20 acres).  He is sending a "letter of intent" with his offer.  Hopefully it will be a good offer so we can sell.  I want out of this town.  As much as it's comfortable & I hate the idea of packing up all my stuff...the thought buying another home & starting new sounds wonderful to me.  My only requirement - it must have a swimming pool.  I can't go another summer without close access to a pool.

Lots of change seems to be looming - a new hospital & a new house - I'm ready for both opportunities.  Bring it on!  Have a good weekend, y'all!!!

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Finally some time off

Ahhh, in the past week, I have worked over 80 hours (what's wrong with me???  lol).  Now I have 7 days off to relax & recuperate.  There was a staff meeting at work yesterday.  They went over the new policy of being in the staff breakroom at 6:45 prior to shift change - no later.  Which is fine with me.  I get there around 6:05 anyways.  Rather be early than late.  They reviewed the unit's gallup scores again & showed us what type of remodeling they are doing on the second floor.  All in was boring.  And there's always one person that asks an off the wall question that has nothing to do with the topic at hand.  This time it was chest pain from cocaine & how he thinks we should send everyone to rehab.  Yeah, ok.....discuss it on your own time.

My night went pretty well though.  I had one patient whose blood sugars had been in the 300's & 400's all the doctor ordered "no bedtime snack."  Well, his blood sugar at 2200 was 60.  So much for the "no bedtime snack."  I gave him some graham crackers, peanut butter & low-fat milk.  That got him up to 67.  Gave him a turkey sandwich & more milk & he made it up to 138.  Perfect as far as I'm concerned.  By the time morning labs were drawn, he was up to 255 & counting.

I had 5 patients last night...all pretty much easy to care for.  My new admit was this undernourished older woman.  She came in with pneumonia, hip fx, diarrhea & dehydration R/O c-diff.  She was confused when she got to the room, was saying mean things to the ER nurse that brought her up.  I got her situated, assessed, talked to her for a little while, made her comfortable & she was praising me.  :)  I had another patient the night before that kept telling me that I was a good girl & she wished she could take me home with her.  Awwwww!  I think some of these patients just really need someone to sit down & give them a few minutes of their time & show them that they care.

Anyways, my pt above only weighed 85 lbs, was pretty much justskin & bones.  She had multiple skin tears all over her body & all the nursing home was doing for her was covering them with tegaderm.  Who knows how long those had been on.  I informed my clinical leader that we needed to take pictures because she was in real bad shape.  The x-rays also showed that her left hip was broken - but it's not a new fracture - it's old.  So who knows when or even how she actually broke that hip.  Sad!!!  It's weird how some patients can be so confused, yet as I was walking by her room - I heard her reciting prayers & she knew them word for word.  I ended up giving her some Ativan because she was rather anxious & kept pulling off her gown & the leads to the heart monitor.  That calmed her down & allowed her to rest a little bit.

We had another patient on the floor that wasn't mine, but he was confused also.  So confused that not only did he repeatedly try to get out of bed, but he began to be combative.  They put him in wrist restraints & called his wife in to help reorient him.  Instead of reorienting, he began to tell his wife how he was going to kill her & was yelling at her to leave.  This poor little old lady was so shook up & saying "He's gone crazy!"  I felt for her - I couldn't imagine what it's like to hear your husband of many, many years speaking like that.  Hopefully they'll figure out what's going on with him because he was not like this 2 days ago.

It was a much calmer week compared to last week.  I'm thankful.  The administrative staff irritated me though.  I requested to work on the second floor & they wouldn't let me.  They gave me a b.s. excuse.  I would have rather them just straight out say no than lie to me with a dumb excuse.  It's like they simply don't care about their staff.  The hospital morale is so low - I couldn't imagine why!

On a brighter note, I have an interview with the other hospital on Tuesday morning.  Gina has one also.  They are a better hospital - one of the best in the area as far as cardiac care & that's what I want - to learn more about the critical care of a patient as well as be able tocompare hospitals & the way things are run.  Should be interesting!

Monday, July 25, 2005

Just when I made the comment of c-diff being a really awful smell, I am presented with a patient this week that has a GI bleed.  Talk about a terrible odor, that makes c-diff seem like a perfume!  To top it off, our GI doctor is trying to say nothing is wrong with her.  Umm, she has blood pouring out of her whenever she goes to the bathroom.  I'm not a doctor, but I do believe that is abnormal.  She came in with a Hemoglobin level of 7.7.  It took 3 units of RBC's to get her to a level of 10.2.  However, with as much blood that was coming out of her...I think it's only a matter of time before that hemoglobin drops again.  The hematologist was consulted to examine her today.  Sweet lady, but at one point during the night, she had gotten out of bed to try to use the bedside commode - accidentally pulled out her IV which was transfusing blood & also missed the bedside commode.  There was blood everywhere - bright red blood from the blood transfusion & dark awful smelling blood coming out of her & all over the bed & the floor.  It looked like a murder scene.  Thankfully I had a great PCT to help me out.  The cleaning lady was not happy about having to mop up all that blood off the floor.  Although it wasn't the blood she had a problem with - it was the smell.  I can't even describe it, but trust me on this's awful.  Even spraying some industrial smelling spray didn't make it any better.  If anything, it made it worse.  I needed some  I couldn't believe her roommate wasn't complaining.

My night was pretty uneventful - most of the patients slept quietly through the night.  Another nurse had a patient who it seemed had a pulmonary embolism travel to his lungs.  Needless to say, he was transferred to the ICU rather quickly & put on a ventilator.  Scary stuff.  I also found out that a patient I had about a month ago - the one that "accidentally" pulled out 3 IV's in one night - had died last week in the ICU.  Seems that when he & the family had finally made the decision to go with Hospice, he died about an hour later.  Weird how some people hang on like that until the decision to let go is made with the family.

We have a mandatory staff meeting tomorrow night - I guess they are making some more changes & they don't sound like good ones.  Such as the amount of time we'll be at work.....rather than a 12 hour shift, it sounds like it's going to be no less than a 13 hour shift.  They want to have 15 minute staff meetings every day/night before the shift begins.  Which means that will delay the oncoming shift nurses from getting report - thereby delaying the offgoing shift nurses from leaving on time.  What is next?

I need to go get ready for work.  I'm gonna request tonight that if they need to call people off tomorrow night - put me at the top of that list.  They have 13 scheduled & only need 8 to 10 nurses for my unit now that the north wing is closed.  I want to start my mini-vacation early!

Saturday, July 23, 2005

Crazy, but fun

It's been a crazy, but fun week at work.  I've already described my first night I'll start on what happened Thursday.  Gina & I got to work anticipating that we'd have the same patients & for the most part we did, only they had given Gina one of my patients so now I had 4 instead of 5, which was fine.  However, as the PCT was taking vitals, I find that my first patient's BP is too high, my second patient is complaining of chest pain, my third patient's BP is too low & my fourth patient is bleeding excessively in the abdominal area & the dressings are saturated & did I mention he's on a Heparin drip?  Time to prioritize - who needs my help the most?  Decisions, decisions.  I talk to my clinical leader...let her know what is going on.  As much as I really like this clinical leader, she is very laid back & doesn't really help a whole lot.  So I focus on my chest pain woman first, turns out it's more of an anxiety reaction than actual chest pain & it passes.  For my low BP patient, retake her BP manually & it's a little higher than what the dynamap was reading.  Ok, she's alright & she's non-symptomatic.  My high BP patient was my stroke patient so I wasn't too worried about it at that time.  My bleeding patient was my next priority.  I'll describe that a little later.

My hospital has decided to remodel the 2nd floor...which is split into 2 wings - north & south.  On each wing there are PCU beds & also on the other side of the hall way are ICU beds.  The nurses stations are tiny, there is barely any room to walk around if 2 people need to walk by one another - it's just a lousy layout.  So they've decided to remodel starting on the north side..which is where Gina & I and a couple of other nurses were working.  So at 11:30 pm, the charge nurse decides that now is the time our patients should be moved to the south wing.  Ughhhhhh....why now?  We had about 18 patients to move & it took about an hour & a half.  As soon as we were done moving the patients, the charge nurse sent our patient care tech to a different floor - so now, not only were we behind on our paperwork, we now had to take on the role of PCT (again) & get our vitals.  Fine, whatever.  I've now been on my feet for 6 hours straight...thinking I can finally sit down & get some paperwork done when my stroke patient's heartrate went from 110-120 up to 170-180 & her BP was 192/107.  I call the doctor - had to page him twice to get a call back.  He orders Lopressor 10 mg IV q15 min x 3 until HR is <120.  I said back to him & if this doesn't work do I call you back?  His reply "No."  Ummm, then what do I do?  So he also orders Digoxin 0.25 mg IV q45 min x this buys him time to sleep I guess.  I felt like I had no real support as far as what to do with this patient.  My clinical leader & an also this other ICU nurse was saying 10 mg is too strong of a dose - that they don't even push that much in cardiac patients in the ICU.  They advise me to push 5 mg & see what happens.  So I do that & now the patient's heart rate is jumping back & forth...from 110 up to 150, back & forth.  So I push another 5 mg & nothing changes but her blood pressure increases.  Sigh!  So I ask the experienced nurses for advice, they tell me to give the Dig inbetween the Lopressor doses.  Nothing changes with the Dig even after 45 min.  So I am advised to go ahead & push the 10 mg if I want.  If I want?  I want to know what is best in this situation.  It's like no one really wanted to help or take responsibility in assisting me.  So I went ahead & pushed the 10 mg.  Her bp went down to 159/84, but the heart rate was still erratic.  I decided to give it a little time, went to get something to eat really quick.  It was now about 4 am, I have yet to sit down & do any paperwork.  I take my vitals on my stroke patient....her heart rate continues to be in the 140's & now her bp is 170/110.  How?  With all that Lopressor...why is the BP still up?  The ICU nurse told me that with stroke patients, often they don't respond to medications because there is brain damage or a brain bleed & the brain simply isn't getting the message to react the way the meds are supposed to make the body react.  That made sense to me.  She had a scheduled dose of Captopril due so I went ahead & gave it.  That seemed to do the hour later her bp was 180/84 & her heart rate was in the 110's & she was sustaining it.

Meanwhile my bleeding patient- he was a transfer at the beginning of my shift from ICU.  He had some kind of strange rash so earlier in the day the surgeon had done a biopsy on his abdominal area & his left wrist.  We are talking about a tiny incision...but it was bleeding through gauze & abd pads - even with a pressure dressing applied.  I called the surgeon, he told me to change the dressing & reapply a pressure dressing.  So, with Gina's assistance (thanks Gina), we changed his dressing at least twice, applied as much pressure as possible with nylon tape - only to find that once again, it was leaking through.  So now it's about 5:30 am & I have yet to do any paperwork...grrrrr.  I somehow got through it, called the surgeon to update him on the bleeding patient.  Finished up giving report....I think I stayed about 20 min later than usual, but still pretty good considering how my night went.  My feet were so sore!!!

Returning to work last night, Gina & I saw that it was just her, I & another nurse on this floor.  3 nurses & the other nurse went on breaks a lot....leaving Gina & I responsibility of all these patients.  Even Gina made a comment like "We're 7 months out of school & they leave us with this responsibility."  No tech, no huc, no support, nothing.

When I got to work, I saw my name on the board with 5 patients while Gina & the other nurse only had 3 patients.  What?  Not fair!  It turned out that one of my patients was being discharged, so I was down to 4.  I didn't get the bleeding patient back, they had given him to Gina.  I started to ask for him back when one of the day nurses said "You don't want him back, he's not acting right."  Ok, then I don't want him back, plus he's at the end of the hall & my patients are all in rooms in the middle of the hall.

I ended up with my stroke patient again - her heart rate remained in the 110's during the day, as soon as I started getting report, it jumps up to the 160's...ugh.  Why me???  It went back down on it's own.  They discovered she did now have a bleed in the brain, so her time is very limited.  The admitting doctor & the family wants to turn to Hospice.  The neuro doctor seems to think rehab is still possible.  Come on, doctor!  She is non-responsive, what is rehab going to do for her?  The family refused a feeding tube & refused any feedings via the NG tube.  So it's only a matter of time.  The doctors decided to make her med-surg status.  So I removed the heart monitor - more for my sake than hers.  I mean it's supposed to come off when they are med-surg status, but I knew if I left it on & saw her heart rate climbing again, I'd want to do something for her.  I couldn't just sit back & watch it climb, you know?  They got her a room on the med-surg floor & the transfer was made.

My second patient spoke spanish only - I speak very, very little spanish.  We had no one on the floor that spoke spanish.  I ended up resorting to getting the cleaning lady to help me because my patient was in distress.  She had been pulling on her foley catheter & caused her urine to get a little bloody.  She thought she was dying & wanted to write a note to her family saying good-bye.  Thanks to the cleaning lady, I was able to reassure her that the blood in her urine did not mean she was dying.

My third patient was med-surg status too.  Very pleasant man - I wish all of my patients were like him.  He was admitted with a suspected gluteal mass.

My fourth patient was med-surg status also & I ended up transferring him down to the med-surg floor.  He was an 81 yr old male with alzheimer's & dementia.  I felt for him....just watching him made me a little sad.

When I got back from transferring my two patients, I was told I had an ICU transfer who was also of med-surg status.  Somehow he accidentally got transferred to ICU after his cardiac cath rather than med-surg even though the orders specifically said med-surg.  The thing was though...if I transferred my remaining two med-surg patients to the med-surg floor, I would have to go home.  I didn't want to go home since it was now 1 am.  My charge nurse & clinical leader were ok with keeping those 2 patients on the PCU floor.

I ended up getting anotherpatient around 5:30 am...a c-diff patient.  Those are not my favorites - if anyone has been around a c-diff patient, you know exactly why I say that.  For those that don't...a c-diff patient has a lot of really stinky diarrhea.  It is not a good situation especially when the patient is immobile.

Inbetween all of that, I was also helping Gina out with her 3 patients.  One was slowly dying, heart rate in the 40's.  Another was going into hospice care today...a really sweet gentleman that kept yelling out over & over "Please just let me go"....meaning let him die.  Heartbreaking!  I kept going in there to hold his hand & try to say a few comforting words.  You could tell his time was getting close to the end.

And her last patient was the bleeding patient I had the night before.  He woke up around 2:30 am, confused & disoriented.  Turns out he's an alcoholic & was having dt's.  He was getting rude & aggressive.  He wouldn't listen to Gina telling him to get back in bed.  Finally we were able to get him to at least sit down - we didn't want him pulling out his IV that had Heparin going.  He was just out there with what he was saying - talking to himself, telling us this wasn't a real hospital.  He kept asking "Where are the techs?"  Gina & I were thinking "that's what we'd like to know!!!!!"  He wanted to know where the on-call doctor was, why were we keeping him prisoner, was picking/biting at his IV line.  This was a 62 yr old man that was not like that at all the night before when I had him.  Of course I jokingly blamed Gina for doing something to him as well as Jack the ICU nurse who had transferred him to me.  Gina called the patient's wife to have her come in, hoping it would reorient him a little bit.  He was mad that Gina called his wife.  He started yelling.  There we were again with no real assistance.  The other nurse was telling Gina to call security if we needed help - which is a joke if you saw our security guards.  They are usually little old men that couldn't do much to help anyways.  His wife came in & sat with him, he went back to sleep & wasn't too much of a problem - thanks to his wife being there.

Around 5:30-6 am, Gina's patient with the heart rate in the 40's had to be transferred to ICU.....that was our night.  I had fun through it all though.  I admire the ICU nurses - they are so full of knowledge & quite helpful whenever we have any questions.  That's one reason I like being on the second floor - right next to ICU.  I want to be knowledgeable like that one day too - where I have the answers rather than all the questions.  I know it takes time & experience...but that's what I want to be like one day.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Ahh - the families

Last night was my first night back to work after being off for a week.  Oh how I dread the first night back - mostly because of how long it takes to get report from the day nurse.  I had 5 patients & only needed to get report from one nurse - which is usually nice as opposed to getting report from 3 or 4 different nurses.  However, this day nurse was so unorganized & so behind on everything that it took about an hour & a half to get report from her.  She was asking me to go give patients meds that she forgot to give, to call doctors that she forgot to call, wanted me to redline on new orders when she didn't even have the paperwork to show that the orders were placed properly.  It was ridiculous.  I was a little distracted yesterday as my dog had been pretty sick during the day.  I didn't get much sleep & my mind was on him - he just turned 12 & I know the end is getting close.  So I wasn't really at my best as she was giving me this half-assed report.  I would ask her why the patient was here - what is the admitting diagnosis?  Half the time she did not even know what they were here for...lovely!  How can you assess & treat someone when you don't know why they are at the hospital?

One of my patients had come in because she had a stroke.  She was pretty non-responsive, would open her eyes & look at you, but didn't say a word.  Her blood pressure was 181/87 & heart rate 115-120.  That seemed a bit high to me, so I was attempting to call the doctor when the day nurse says to me "Can you call this other doctor first about a patient that refused to have a test done today?"  I just looked at her...umm, hello - what is the priority here?  A stroke patient with a high BP & HR or a patient that refused to have a test done earlier today?  She says to me "Can't you just give her a PRN medication?"  Huh?  What do you want me to give her...Tylenol?  Milk of magnesia?  Jeez!  Anybody home in there?  I got some orders for Captopril & Cardizem.  It didn't do much to improve the situation, but at least it helped it from getting worse.  I know you don't want the blood pressure low, but 180's was too high for me to be comfortable with.  Not to mention her heart rate would jump up to the 130's-140's now & then.  I didn't like it.

That was the patient with family visiting.  I felt bad for them.  Two days earlier this woman had been cooking them dinner & it was a fun family night.  Now she was unresponsive & couldn't move her right side at all.  She's 93 years old, so I would think in the back of your mind, you have to be preparing yourself that anyone that age is getting close to the end...but it's still tough.  They were crying, asking questions, you could see & feel the sadness they were feeling.  I'm sure it didn't help when my other patient in the same room starts saying to me "It sure is hard when you lose family members..." - yet another reason I think all hospital rooms should be private rooms.  No one wants to hear that kind of talk when they are dealing with the reality of losing a family member.  I am not used to having to deal with these type of situations.  Usually, for the most part, the patients do get better & go home.  With this lady, I'm not sure that is going to happen.  Her daughter asked me last night if I could make her mother better.  What am I supposed to say to that?  I told her I'd keep a close eye on her & take care of whatever she needs.  Part of me wants to avoid the emotional stuff - because deep down, one of my biggest fears is losing a parent.  I don't want to have to deal with the emotional aspect of that any sooner than I have to - so I put it out of my mind.  But now with a situation like this where you are watching a family slowly lose a loved one, it is a reminder of just how tough it is.

Stroke patients are a challenge.  It always reminds me of the episode of ER where Cynthia Nixon had a stroke & she was able to think coherently, she just couldn't express it.  I look at my patient & wonder - can she understand everything we are saying but simply isn't able to respond?  Or is she truly not there anymore?  No one knows for sure, but it makes me wonder if or what she is thinking.

My second patient was in with chest pain.  Her stress test was negative, the cardiologist wants to sign off but she is still having chest pain & pain radiating down her left arm.  How can he sign off when she is still in pain?

My third patient was also admitted with chest pain.  She is a 23 hour observation.  She was having a stress test done today.  I'm pretty sure if it's negative, they'll probably discharge her today.  The only pain she was experiencing on my shift was the headache from the nitro paste.

My fourth patient was a lady that had a syncopal episode - fell & broke her wrist.  She's having surgery on Friday.  This woman cracks me up.  She's an older lady & she has all her make-up on the bedside tray.  I walked in & she was wearing the brightest red lipstick, as if she was going out to a party or something.  She was fixated on getting up to walk.  Kept asking when are they going to let her get up & walk.  I asked "Are you able to walk on your own?"  Her reply "No, you'll have to hold me up & walk me around.", I don't think so.  A physical therapist I am not.  The doctor had written an order for orthostatic blood pressures on her.  Only his order said "laying down, standing, then again after standing for 3 minutes - NO sitting."  I have to laugh....the woman cannot stand on her own.  Am I supposed to hold her up for 3 minutes & then take her BP?  These doctors are a little loopy.  There is no way this woman (nor I) would tolerate me holding her up for 3 minutes just so I can get her blood pressure.  She would complain when I'd take her blood pressure while she was lying down.  It's one of those orders that I would love to see the doctor attempt to do himself.

My fifth patient had been in the hospital for 10 days.  When I asked the day nurse why this patient was here, she had absolutely no clue.  She kept asking me to look at the chart & figure it out.  What?  You've been caring for her for the last 12 hours & you can't tell me anything about her?  She says "Oh, she's on contact precautions too now."  Why I ask?  She doesn't know.  No cart at the door, no sign saying contact precautions, charge nurse isn't even aware that the patient is on contact precautions either - people are going in & out of that room having no clue about anything.  Turns out she has E. Coli in her urine.  I was actually happy about that - much better than hearing "C-diff."  This lady also has end stage renal disease & is on dialysis Mon, Wed & Friday.  So it's not like she's urinating a whole lot on her own to begin with.

My night was spent running around catching up, tying up loose ends, calling doctors (which now - believe it or not - I don't mind calling doctors anymore) & tons & tons of redundant paperwork.  As if they don't have us doing enough writing already, we are now told we can't put a line through a space on the flow sheet, we need to write N/A in each & every blank that we don't use.  Ridiculous!!!!  My hand has calluses from all the writing.  I cannot wait to get to a hospital that uses computer charting.  Plus they sent our patient care tech to a different floor, so I had even more work to do, as if having 5 patients wasn't enough.  Then the day tech was a little pissed that I wasn't able to give any baths.  I literally had no time - not to mention that my patients had already been woken up numerous times between taking vital signs, giving meds, lab drawing blood, EKG's - the last thing I'm going to do is wake up a sleeping person at 5 am to bathe them.  I didn't like doing that when I was a tech & I don't like doing it now - don't get me wrong, I don't mind setting people up for baths or giving them a bath IF they are AWAKE.  But to wake someone up to bathe when they finally fell asleep is simply insane.  I think it was 6:35 am by the time I was finally caught up & I didn't even take any breaks last night except a 20 min dinner break.

This hospital needs a lot of work.  It's like they look for ways to make their employees unhappy & it's working.  Employee morale is very low - not just the nurses, but the pct's, huc's, respiratory therapists - even some of the doctors don't really like this hospital either.  I can only hope that there are better hospitals out there & that they aren't all like this.  We were always told in school "Start where you don't want to stay" - that's one of the main reasons I started here.  It won't be a difficult decision to leave to go elsewhere.  Change will be good & the sooner the better.  I'm still waiting to hear from the other hospital that I applied to last week.  I'm leaning towards travel nursing in the future, but for now - I want to get a little more experience under my belt.  Hopefully tonight will be a better night than last night was!

Friday, July 15, 2005

I did it!

I applied for a position in the ICU at another hospital.  Gina did also.  We work with a woman that is already working in that unit & she is encouraging us to challenge ourselves & to learn more.  Which I have to agree - after only 6 months, it seems like the same old routine with most of our patient care in PCU.  We'll see what happens with that.  I also applied with a couple of nursing travel agencies.  I'm not ready to travel just yet, but wanted to see what opportunities are out there. The benefits are amazing.

I'm a little tired today.  I took my niece & went with some friends to Orlando yesterday.  Went swimming at the Nickelodeon pool & then to Sea World.  Saw way more of the dolphins than I wanted to ever see.  I'm taking my niece to Libby Lu's in a few hours - she has no idea, I wanted to surprise her.

Not much else really going on...just relaxing in the hot Florida weather.  Hurricane Dennis passed my area by - we really didn't even get all that much rain, no difference really than the usual thunderstorms.  I'm thankful - hurricanes stay away!

Friday, July 8, 2005

Hurricane Dennis

Hurricane Dennis is on his way - the first hurricane ever in the month of July.  So far it looks like we'll just get a little bit of wind & lots of rain, but Alabama & Pensacola will get the impact.  Hopefully it won't be too devastating.  I'd be lying if I didn't say I'm glad it's not coming this way.  After having 3 hurricanes in this area last year, we definitely don't need to go through that again.  It's hard to believe it was nearly a year ago that Hurricane Charley hit - doesn't seem like that much time has gone by.

Last night at work was alright.  I had a "sneaky" patient that was anxious to go home.  She had a stress test done at noon that day & was waiting for her cardiologist to come in & give the order to discharge her.  Time ticked by, it's 9:30 pm, he's still not around.  She asked me to call him & tell him she wants to go home.  I couldn't call & say that nor can I call & tell him to come in like she was requesting.  So her & her daughter took matters into their own hands, called his answering service - pretended they were ME & told the answering service to have the doctor call me back.  When the lady at the answering service asked for a name & a phone number - they didn't have one to give so instead they gave the name of the hospital & the patient's name & said "Call the nurse."  I get a phone call from the answering service asking what is going on.  I wouldn't have cared if the patient called for the doctor herself & explain to him she was anxious to go home, but to pretend like she was me?  Grrrr.  I said to go ahead & page him since he was on call.  Luckily a few minutes later, he happened to stroll onto the floor & discharged her like he had originally planned.  It had nothing to do with her phone call, but I'm sure she thought it did.  I've never seen someone get dressed & out of the room so quickly. Luckily the day nurse had filled out the discharge papers & all I really needed was to fill in a few blanks & get the patient's signature.  A word to the wise - if you come into the ER complaining of chest pain - plan to spend a few days at the hospital while the doctors run their tests.  They can't let you go simply cause you say you feel better without being liable for "if" something happens without running the tests.

My other patient that had a stress test that day also was very anxious to go home....only he still had to complete the resting portion of the stress test the next morning.  He was telling me he'll just come back another day for that.  Uh huh, sure you will.  Then he tried to say he had to be at work this morning & he had to be discharged.  I told him he was welcome to leave, but he'd be taking the bill with him because when you leave without a doctor's order to be discharged, your insurance company will not pay the bill.  That seemed to get him thinking straight again.  He wasn't happy, but hey, it wasn't my fault.  Then he wanted to take a shower & I told him we need a doctor's order for that too...because technically everyone on PCU is considered to be in "guarded" condition & are supposed to be in bed getting bedrest.  I'm beginning to wonder why they even put showers in the bathrooms on this floor.  Luckily this guy went to sleep & didn't really have much else to complain about through the night.

I'm not going to even go into details about my other 3 patients because they were all pretty stable & nothing really happened with them.  At about 6:30 am, I did get a transfer from our other PCU unit.  The name sounded familiar, but it wasn't until I saw her that I put it all together.  About a month ago, she had been in a different room & was soooooo demanding, always yelling, always needing something - rather than using her callbell, she'd just scream out for help.  I didn't have her as a patient, but obviously I heard her yelling out all the time.  Well, now she had gone into cardiac arrest after receiving outpatient dialysis back on July 1st.  She is like a zombie now.  Her eyes are open, but there is no response.  I don't know if she's actually with it, but simply can't express it (like in that one ER episode where the lady has a TIA) or if she simply isn't there anymore.  It was weird to see someone that was so demanding to being unable to even move really.  I don't think she has much time left.  She is now a DNR & the family is refusing the doctors to run any tests.  She has multiple DVT's & the surgeon was wanting to put in the IVC filter, but it was unlikely that the family was going to sign the consents.  I totally understand where they are coming from & can see why they are apprehensive about continuing to put her through all of that when her quality of life is simply not there.  It must be difficult though.  I worry about the day that I might have to make decisions like those.

I am learning that veteran nurses like to complain...A LOT!  I don't know if it's because they are simply unhappy at my hospital or if this is seen universally.  They complain about everything!!!!!!  Maybe I'm still too new & not burnt out.  As much as I wish I had millions in the bank & didn't have to work, I do enjoy my job right now.  Don't get me wrong, I dread having difficult patients or encountering situations that are not pleasant, but I do enjoy meeting different people, making them feel a little better & making them smile.  I like talking to them, finding out a little about who they are & making sure they are comfortable while in my care.  I hope I never get to the point where I don't care who they are & simply want to get in & out of the room as quickly as possible.  I was listening to a few of the nurses this morning complaining about a certain doctor.  She happens to be my doctor - I've been going to her for the last 15 yrs.  She is really nice to me - but she intimidates the nurses & is rather rude on the phone or she simply doesn't return their calls.  I haven't had to deal with her on a professional basis (yet) although I am curious to see how she would treat me considering the relationship we have.  Listening to those nurses complaining just made me laugh to myself.  Oh well, if it's not one thing, it's another thing...they love to complain.

On a brighter note & off topic - my rental house is getting repaired, fixed up, improved - whatever you want to call it.  Then I hope to sell it & also sell the house I'm living in & probably move to a condo.  I like the idea of moving, but I don't like the idea of moving into something smaller.  It's the best option though since I am planning on going into travel nursing next year &won't be home a lot of the time.  Oh well, we'll see what happens - as I've learned many times in the past, anything is possible.

Say a prayer for those that are in Hurricane Dennis' path - they'll need it.

Thursday, July 7, 2005

I just have to laugh!

What a night it was last night.  I got to work early (as I usually do) in hopes of getting a quick report about my patients that I had the night before.  Things never seem to go as planned though.  It is so frustrating getting a not so great report from a (let's face it)...not so great nurse.  It throws everything off.

Anyways, I am in the middle of report regarding a new admit from earlier in the day.  The day nurse is telling me about how this patient's brother is a lawyer & also power of attorney & he is already threatening to sue if things don't go right.  I don't like those kind of family members!  During report, the cardiologist shows up to make rounds & he goes in to see this patient.  While he's assessing this patient, the patient starts to vomit in a bath basin.  Next all we hear is yelling.  I don't know if it's the patient yelling at the doctor or what.  Turns out the patient was demanding that the doctor clean out the bath basin & the doctor was yelling at him saying "I don't do that, I don't touch that stuff."  Then he comes out of the room, calls the admitting doctor to inform him that he will not take this patient.  I just have to laugh at his reaction to a little bit of vomit & the patient's request for this highly-paid cardiologist to clean up his mess.  I go in there to see what's going on, the patient in the other bed (mine also) is already dressed & pretty much fleeing from the room as fast as he can.  I said "Where are you going?"  He replied "Home."  I said "Wait, I have to get the approval from your admitting doctor."  The cardiologist had already cleared him for discharge, but I still had to get an order from the primary doctor.  He said "I cannot be in a room with that guy any longer!!!!!!"  I totally understood.  If you ask me, ALL hospital rooms should be private rooms.  So I let this patient wait in the waiting room while I worked quickly on getting him discharged.

Meanwhile, the admitting doctor of the first patient calls in an order to the day nurse to consult with the patient's original cardiologist knowing full well that this cardiologist not only "doesn't" come to our hospital, he has no priviledges here - so even if he wanted to, he can't do anything.  I call back to inform him of this - fully expecting orders to consult another cardiologist, but instead I get an order to send the patient to ICU.  Ummm, ok!  I don't mind one bit - between his nausea & vomiting and a threatening brother/lawyer, I'll be happy to move this patient elsewhere.

So I prioritized - get my discharge wrapped up so he can  go home.  (I hadn't received the ICU order until after this patient had been discharged.)  So next on the list was getting this patient off of PCU & into ICU.  He was continuing to vomit, even after giving him Phenergan.  His heart rate was jumping up from 95 to the high 130's.  I delivered him safely to ICU.  The nurse was not happy about getting this patient, but sorry - I'm just following doctor's orders.

I get back to my floor at about 10 pm & I am told to call ER - that I have a new admit.  I take report & they have him delivered to the room about 5 minutes later - nothing like giving me a little bit of time to get situated.  Luckily he was an easy to care for patient.  I'm not even sure why he was admitted.  He came into the ER complaining of chest pain & rated it as a "1" on a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the worst pain you've ever felt.  By the time he got a bed in the ER, his pain was gone.  All of his labs were normal, tests were all normal, no further chest pain, vital signs stable.  Yet they admit him.  Like I said, he was easy to care for.  After I assessed him, he went right to sleep & slept through the night without any further complaints.

Luckily my other 3 patients were all doing pretty well while I was running all around.  I had one patient who came in with what they thought was bacterial meningitis.  I remember the night he was admitted back in June & wondering if he was going to survive. Turns out he had viral encephalitis.  I read multiple times that he was aphasic, but he was able to follow commands.  He definitely isn't a man of many words, plus he speaks primarly spanish - but last night he says to me out of the blue "You are a very nice nurse."  I was shocked that he said a full sentence.  So perhaps he is able to talk but only talks when he feels like it.  Who knows?  It's nice to be appreciated.

I somehow managed to only have 4 patients.  Everyone else had 5.  They were pushing to give me an admit, but the only beds open were in semi-private rooms & the patient they were trying to give me had a WBC of 2.1 due to chemotherapy.  He definitely should not be sharing a room.  Luckily my clinical leader was on top of it & delayed the admission until we could get a private room - therefore bypassing me for a new admit.  Gina says to her "Do you pity Jennifer?  Is that why she only had 4 patients?"  My clinical leader replied "No, she worked her butt off tonight, she deserved a break & that's why I kept her at 4."  Yep, yep - worked my butt off & still had all of my paperwork done over an hour before the change of shift.  I must say I handled it all pretty well.(So much for my med-surg nursing instructor emphasizing while I was in school that I needed to work on time management!!!!!!!!)  It just makes me laugh to think about how crazy the night began & how smoothly it ended.

Ok, time for me to get some sleep.  One more night of work - then two days off - then three days on.  Sweet dreams!

Monday, July 4, 2005

It's been so nice having the last week off.  I'm dreading having to go to work tomorrow night.  I'll be working the next 6 out of 8 days.  At least when it's over, I get another week off - I'll just have to focus on that.  I'm planning to go to Sea World & also spend a few days at a hotel for some sun & fun.  I promised my 8 yr old niece I'd take her with - so hopefully the weather will cooperate.  We've had rain every single day throughout the month of June & so far in July also.  It hasn't rained here yet today - but it's looking a little cloudy.  Hopefully it will pass so it won't ruin the July 4th celebrations.  The hurricanes have been staying away also - thankfully.

I got to spend some time with my family, went shopping, watched the Busch race & the Pepsi 400 (woo hoo Tony Stewart).  I was happy to see Dale Jr. finally have a decent finish.  It's been a long time & hopefully his focus is back.

I also took my niece to see Herbie - Fully Loaded.  Cute movie!  I saw Mr. & Mrs. Smith last week - good movie.  Next on my list is War of the Worlds - just need to find the time to see it.

I haven't really thought much about work during my time off.  I have been thinking about the timing of setting up an interview with the other local hospital.  Optimally, I would like to remain on staff (per diem) where I'm at now & work there at least 2 days a month (at per diem rates) and work full time at the other hospital - but I am not relying on that to happen.  I am not even sure how to go about talking to my manager regarding this.  Before anything though, I need to set up an interview & get a job offer.  Do I set it up now & tell them I cannot begin until August or do I wait until it's closer to August?  I'll figure it out eventually.  My only hope this week is that Gina & I are working on the same floor.  It just makes it so much easier & fun.  So we shall see.

Happy July 4th y'all!!!


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A Future Refuge

This time of year invites rest and preparation for the year ahead. We’ve spent our week at the cabin with extended family. Temperatures yearning toward zero for the high, with lows plummeting to -30. Our home warm, thanks to my husband’s handiness, the days of frozen plumbing and improper septic drainage a thing of the past. Warm, cozy, inviting, safe. An exquisite blanket sewn of snow, the idyllic portrayed.

The word Refuge comes to mind, the cabin, the family, the raucous games played into the night, filling meals, warm cups of tea and coffee nestled in frozen fingers. This refuge, invites reflection and projection, designed exclusively for my soul to rest and become, thoughts moving toward the obvious – what 2016 is asking of me. Chomping at the bit to reign in the delicacies and beer pints, to tackle new purpose and projects, finances. The calendar’s turn to January 1 holding more power than I care to admit.

A mild case of cabin fever has descended upon the peaceful quiet, a low-grade itch asking for freedom from thermals, wool, snow boots, mittens. Today, I succumbed to the need for a run while braving the subzero temperatures. Desperation trumped safety and sanity, but whatever, it’s why I carry a phone.

Birdhouses dot the county road, my favored run route. Perched upon the rustic and  substantial fence posts, the humble homes offer relief and comfort from the valley’s extreme elements. Filled with nesting materials, awaiting return of the delicate fowl, someone took admirable care in advocating for the least of these, providing refuge for the slightest of creation.

As a white, straight, American Christian, refuge comes easy for me and mine. I’m attractive, my body healthy, within society’s acceptable parameters. My mind is solid with but a few foibles here and there. Kids are decent and kind, husband generous, our families of good name and reputation. I believe law enforcement will protect us without bias. Most churches would welcome and allow us to participate wherever we felt led. If the business  hit the skids, we would have plentiful offers of shelter and home.

Refuge abundant.

The news continues in the disregard for black lives. A constant replay on Twitter of #blacklivesmatter and the injustice displayed toward black and brown bodies. The failure to indict the officers in Tamir Rice’s death this week came as no surprise to anyone. Families experiencing what no family should have to, death, suffering by those commissioned to protect and serve. Clearly a systemic breakdown, another lavish display of our collective simmering racism and white privilege.

The climate of fear escalating for people on both sides. One side afraid of losing influence and power, the other afraid to walk down the street or play at the park – knowing justice very well may not be served.

As a Christian, my call, my greatest assignment as a Jesus follower is to be a refuge – for myself and for others. How do I love and show grace to myself? My family? How am I providing relief to those in my world? Who is suffering that I can bear some burden?

In providing refuge for another, there is great risk, but also infinite reward. Comfort, time and money may be endangered, but the payout is remarkable. Our work is humility. Humility allows us to ask the questions, to seek the answers, to examine our insides and reach conclusions.

I can’t help but wonder: what if the tables were turned last November in Cleveland and my little boy was shot, lying in the snow, with no-one to tend to his young form? His sister unable to reach him, unable to lie beside him to comfort, to press her hands into the bleeding holes. My soul, my heart would shatter into millions of tiny pieces.

What if I was there? Would I move Heaven and Earth to reach Tamir? To comfort him in his time of greatest need? I don’t know. I’d like to think my life would have room for such action, that I would demonstrate mercy and compassion in this horrific moment. I hope and pray inconvenience and comfort level would not be my main considerations.

My comfort level is nominal contrasted with the gross, vile, heart-wrenching, debilitating suffering in my own backyard. Discomfort is guaranteed when I ask key questions regarding my privilege, my opportunities. Never is it fun to challenge our assumptions, reactions, inconsistencies. Never. But, lives depend upon our erection of a fortress, a refuge, against the cold, bitter, frigid night. Those of us gifted must offer relief, beginning with the simple: a head nod, a smile, a kind word, a written letter, a phone call, a donation, a seeking sense of curiosity, asking questions, giving the benefit of the doubt, learning.

I look outside, the gently falling snow, the gorgeous landscape – my refuge. My gratitude, my gifts must propel me to do something, and in doing that small something, maybe I might offer a modicum of hope to this aching family and a multitude of others in like circumstances.

Dashed Expectations

Questions abound this Advent. The ways of God a conundrum and mystery. The sending of Jesus, a baby, in this nonsensical manner, not exactly what was imagined or anticipated.

I have expectations. Some are lofty, most are low. Children have taught me to hold any expectation loosely, little to none preferred, if they want to stay alive. No expectations, in many situations, far better than dashed ones.

Yet, the arrival of Jesus, this baby, brought forth all kinds of expectations. Hundreds of years’ worth. People waiting, longing for relief in the physical presence and form of God, the Messiah. There were prophecies and assumptions and, I suspect, a multitude of disappointments.

This waiting does that. We conjure notions, suppositions. We wait and wait and wait, expectations directly proportionate to the amount of time spent longing, dreaming. The longer the wait, the greater the expectation level.

Yet, the birth, life and death of Jesus all defied expectation. His birth, humble and mean, simple, not in the cool kind of simple we try to procure, but the gross simple, the undesired simple. The disheveled and grimy simple.

His life of no nobility, other than from the line of David. A carpenter, from Nazareth. What good can come from Nazareth? Who is this person claiming to be the Son of God? And that cousin of his. What’s his name? John? He’s a weirdo.

How is it possible this is our long-awaited, expected Messiah?

The waiting, the longing, the ache. It dwells so deeply. Like an open wound, somedays quiet, other days pulsing and radiating heat. The pressure, the throb shaping my relationships, my interactions, my worth . The present needs. Gross injustice in the world: Black Lives Matter, the refugee crisis, LGBT exclusion, homelessness, rising suicide rates, political rhetoric and fear, mass shootings, hatred of Muslims. All of it bleeds into my hope, slashing my expectation of right and just and good, rendering deep hunger pangs for righteousness.

Yet, I still have joy. How is this? This mystery, the wonder. How does the longing, the waiting, the fear, the angst all contribute to greater joy?

Oftentimes, the longer I wait, through the enduring discomfort, the questions appear to outrun their answers. Yet, is it possible to wait patiently, to be still, to know? Is it possible to wait and trust? The choice is ours, for the  work of the surrendered wait only enhances our capacity for Love, Grace, Hope. Jesus.

The waiting may threaten to undo, patience threadbare, a far cry from ideal. Yet I still wait. I know the waiting enlarges, expands, my love. I know the waiting increases the ache, exacerbates the feels, while growing my capacity for good. I know the waiting opens my eyes, allowing me to see deeper into another’s longing, providing the mechanism for compassion, grace far beyond anything I alone can manufacture. Indescribable, impossible joy in the midst of it all.

Jesus shines in our suffering, our questions, our anguish. He shines in our empathy, mercy and compassion. In our fear, denial, judgment – He still shines. In our confession, our forgiveness, our meager attempts at providing relief  – He shines ever brighter.

This wait, I now understand, is a call. Nothing can challenge the desires of my heart, reconfigure my dreams, alter my path, as the longing, the standing firm in defiance amongst the mess of my motives, my world, my fear. I know that for which I wait will come. I know who I wait for will come. Emmanuel – God with us. Emmanuel is in us. We shine bright the light and the love of Jesus Christ to the hurting world. We shine bright the hope of Jesus Christ in the desperate world. We shine bright the life of Jesus Christ in the decaying world.

Let us in our wait embrace and hold and trust. Let us in our wait be still and know. Let us in our wait invite the life of Jesus to be born and live in us.

He has come. He is here, dwelling. The ache tells me this.

Let it be so. Let it be unto us.

Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord: trust in him and he will do this:

He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, and the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him. -Psalm 37

How I Wonder

It is a happiness to wonder; — it is a happiness to dream. -Edgar Allen Poe

I wonder where my wonder went. This Christmas season, wonder traipsed off with magic and excitement and left me with obligation and should and must. I don’t like those guys. They remind me too often that I am a 43 year old mother, who is required to create an experience I don’t feel.

Wonder. She shows up here and there when the kids are asking questions of Christmases past. Her head pokes in the side door when a song comes on, or a beautiful story is shared, or in the rare moment screens are set down in favor of a game.

Wonder’s smart that way. She hides within the young. One must become childlike to see her. She doesn’t like to dwell with those of us who have perfection problems and high expectations and easy disappointment triggers. While always being available to adults, she has strong boundaries, protecting herself from obligation.

I needed her today, a hefty dose to counteract this dull ache that likes to show up during vulnerable times. And vulnerable times for me are most times. God, in forming my being, threw in an extra heightened sensitivity, a gauge of sorts that haywires during seasons that wield high expectations like holidays, birthdays, anniversaries.

Sensitivity, while on the one hand, prepares the way for empathy, kindness, generosity, grace; the other renders perfectionism, comparison, jealousy.

When wonder sticks around for an extended visit, she breathes new life, filling my lungs with relief. A balm, her magical way of softening my heart and calming my mind, delivering goodness and grace.

In Advent, wonder’s work is essential. She reminds us there is more, hope is possible, hope is preferable. The answers are not manufactured by our better efforts, our beliefs, our practices. The answers are only uncovered in the humblest of moments, as in the birth of a baby.

Advent forces a reckoning, a wrestling with what is and what will be, driving me to silence, to stillness, to seeking. My sensitivity problem suggests I surrender my ideas of importance, my notions of significance, my longing for notoriety. The newborn invites the relinquishment of my expectations and grand notions.

I am nudged to become as a child.

The wisest among us are those who recognize their lack, their need. This newborn – the most powerful of helpless creatures – has come as Emmanuel, God with us.

God with  us.

God with us.

God with us.

I don’t think Jesus came so I could have eternal life. I don’t think Jesus came so it could be about my happiness. I don’t think Jesus came to teach us lessons.

I think Jesus came so we can have wonder and hope, despite the circumstances in which we reside, despite the political climate, despite the suffering. Jesus came to usher in freedom from the pulsating need driving our minds, hearts, bodies, souls. Jesus came to shrink the gaping hole that threatens to engulf us from the inside out by halting the overflow of fear in exchange for the torrent of fruit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, self-control.

The antidotes to my dull ache, the antidotes to my open wound of discontent, the antidotes to my lack are wonder, rest, silence, solitude.

Now, to open my eyes, to become as a child, waiting in expectation, living in wonder.

Surrendered. Open. Watching.

Come Lord Jesus, come.

How I Manage on the Days I Just Can’t

You know those mornings you wake up raw? When the dawn fails to bring the promised new mercies. When the new day reminds you of your failures, your fear, your competition, your inadequacy. The mornings that begin far too early, when the night still holds promise for some. The mornings that are wrong.

Where do we go? The coffee isn’t enough, a false hope. Writing, praying honoring the centeredness, rawness still persisting. The marathon’s twentieth mile, the long slog to the finish line of bed, pillow, down comforter.

And then the voices start. Yammering reminiscent of the Trumps, Falwells, Grahams.  Like a Congress gathering in my head – an obnoxious committee doling out hatred, rhetoric, fear. Whispers of hope and mercy, beauty and accomplishment don’t stand a chance, unable to rise above the noisy cacophony. Each party yowling for their cause, demanding my assent, my compromise to their bellowing call. Demanding I live scared.

My faith, my beloved Christianity has been hijacked by lies and extremism. Islam, the beloved faith of Muslims, also hijacked by lies and extremism.

The weight of the world threatens to stay awhile, unpacking suitcases, hanging clothes, drawing a bath. I am oftentimes far too polite, offering a cup of strong coffee, small talk, scone. The fear weasels through protective barricades, finding the low part of the fence, that part with the relaxed security.

What is the answer? Surprisingly, silence.

December 3 reading in my Celtic Daily Prayer book:

It seems strange to say, but what can help modern man find the answers to his own mystery and the mystery of Him in whose image he is created, is silence, solitude – in a word, the desert.

True silence is a suspension bridge that a soul in love with God builds across the dark, frightening gullies of its own mind, the strange chasms of temptation, the depthless precipices of its own fears that impede its way to God.

True silence is a garden enclosed, where alone the soul can meet its God. It is a sealed fountain that He alone can unseal to slake the soul’s infinite thirst for Him.

Silence, the gift waiting. Silence, the gift available, free.

The risk – my insignificance revealed. My insignificance the springboard for recognizing how loved I am, just as I am. To be loved and called by God is a reckoning with our smallest self.  Once my smallness is reset, my fears laid to rest, my Big Things resigned I can settle into grace.

Anymore, fewer and fewer days are entirely given over to the voices. I’m learning to nip the hollering early, chopping the committee off at their knees. Today I called upon the restoring power of the community pool, summoning the will to plunge into the chilly water, lap lane ropes holding me safe. My arms pumping and pulling, legs and feet fluttering…one, two, breathe. Oxygen gulped on the threes lining my body throughout. Life-giving, mind restored, issuing stillness and peace. Joy’s path and hope’s flow renewed.

It is my choice if I pick it all up again. Do I pull myself up by my proverbial bootstraps and steamroll my way into the day, or do I stay small?

Do I confess my own notions of greatness, rightness, significance?

Or do I shrink into the heart of God, allowing from my smallness, the work of God to flow out of me, surrendered, grateful, resting?

photo credit: Swim training 14 via photopin (license)

My Acts of Defiance

What is your small act of defiance? What carries you when the world’s weight becomes too heavy? What draws you out from under the covers to bravely face a new day? What do you cling to so you can parent and love and provide and honor? What do you pursue when all of it threatens to unravel?

The shooting this week in San Bernardino hits close. San Bernardino County is where I met my husband, my first day of a new high school in the January of our senior year. San Bernardino county is where my sister graduated, where my brothers grew up. Where three grandparents died, where my mother’s Memorial service was held, where this young teenager ate popsicles at the Grandma and Poppy’s house. San Bernardino County is where my husband raced his dirt bike through the prolific foothills, becoming the remarkable man he is today. The place where all the nooks for two very-in-love young adults were discovered, where we tied the knot. San Bernardino County is where my parents retired from a twenty-five-year ministry in a local congregation.

The facility under siege, the Inland Regional Center, where my Aunt received special provision for her unique needs. Her caregivers frequently associated with this county building.

A special place, a terrorized place. Our nation and world stretched to capacity, the wonder displaced by fear. Gun violence, terrorism, black deaths, Muslim deaths, transgender deaths, Planned Parenthood, schools. The questions asked, the answers evaded. The powers-that-be failing to protect, motivated by a myriad of reasons, none that seem worthy. Solutions slide through government fingers.

Plopped in a local coffeeshop, writing, listening to the buzz. Requests for cream and lattes, laughter and work meetings, punctuate the atmosphere.

Life goes on and on. The grind happens, the halting forward movement slowly flows again, for this is the nature of things, the world continues as it continues. The hurting still hurt, the distant are still distant, blood flows, oxygen gets breathed, laundry cycles, meals ingested. The species focused on the next and the next and the next.

We persist, we collectively grieve, we challenge fear, we forgive and right wrongs, we live in humility, searching to bring relief and hope to the weary and heartbroken. We find cause for celebration, healing conversation. We trust in curiosity and human dignity. We defy the power of evil, for we are no longer subject to that power. The malicious cannot claim us. We fight for life-giving hope, joy, love, mercy.

This defiance – honoring the good, the beautiful, the miraculous in my everyday – does not mean I live blind or callous or entitled. Defiant living means I live in truth, attentive to the rhythms of body and home life, aware of emotional demands.

Defiant living draws me outdoors to the beauty, draws me indoors to the puttering monotony. Defiant living gingerly, gently nudges me before dawn with steaming coffee and battered notebook, to my worn spot on the couch with tender whispers of surrender, stillness, counting, meditation. Defiant living propels me to the county dirt road – to run, to curse, to cry, to spill. Defiant living is the avenue for my peace, my joy, my hope, my love. Defiant living fuels my fight, directing me toward rest or persistence.

This defiance is not pie in the sky hope, this defiance is my attempt to string together enough goodness, beauty, gratitude as strength. A shield crafted in quiet combat, to stand firm in opposition to the fear and hopelessness, confident and knowing our promised peace is possible, reigning. Here. Now.

The world calls, the grocery store is full of people needing an eye-meet and covert smile. My daughter’s mouth needs braces, the kids have friends over, piano gets practiced, eggs are collected, the grappling of homework, heated conversations over beer, reveling in a ridiculous game, adorning the Christmas tree. It all happens. It is all part of the counting, the defense, the honoring of the hurting and broken.

The seeking, the naming of good, beautiful, remarkable, miraculous, and holy in the midst of the chaos and suffering is not a turning away, it is a defiance, it is an invitation to own, to dwell, to abide in the mystery, abundance.

Love fueling lives of generosity –  Heaven on Earth. Here. Now.

O come, O come, Emmanuel,
And ransom captive Israel,
That mourns in lonely exile here,
Until the Son of God appear.
Rejoice ! Rejoice ! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Dayspring, from on high,
And cheer us by Thy drawing nigh;
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night,
And death’s dark shadows put to flight.
Rejoice ! Rejoice ! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Wisdom from on high,
And order all things, far and nigh;
To us the path of knowledge show,
And cause us in her ways to go.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Desire of nations, bind
All peoples in one heart and mind;
Bid envy, strife and quarrels cease;
Fill the whole world with heaven’s peace.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

photo credit: A rock and a hard place via photopin (license)

How I Will Navigate Christmas

One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don’t clean it up too quickly.”

Andy Rooney

Christmas carries a weight with it, a weight that sits on my chest, threatening to unravel me. The middle of the night desperation, battling expectations, to-do lists, entitlement. The shoulds and musts colliding full force. Cold sweat dripping fear, longing, disappointment. The supposed delight of the holiday season interrogated even before the calendar flips to December.

My work, to create the holiday, to make the experience for my children. But this year, the clash of the world’s neediest with the copious American dream has me reeling. The potent urgency to provide relief, while challenging my comfort; the reconciliation of my excess with the deprivation and suffering wearies me, threatening to abscond with my joy.

On one hand, I find the disparity and discomfort difficult to reconcile with my affluent life. Yet, on the other hand so deeply grateful for eyes that choose to see, and for a heart that seeks to shed relief upon the burdened. I often succumb to the tendency, the need to implant these burdens, somehow upon the hearts of my children. I must demand they know how good their lives are, how #blessed, to make them see and feel and hear the pain of the needy, grasping the privilege they possess.

The greatest responsibility I have is to love my children, while modeling a life of gratitude and generosity. Raising these young men and woman, to send them into the world with full knowledge there is nothing they can or cannot do to alter this love in any way is my work. There is no way to increase or decrease, no way to run and hide, no way to earn more. Our love for our children is here, to stay, forever, only growing.

While observing the Nativity, I visualize passing sterilized towels to Joseph in the stinky stall. The temptation I face, at Jesus’s birth, to allow guilt or shame because of the human I can be, because of my failings, my selfishness, my whining. What I fail to see is this Jesus, this baby come, to spill his love on the ground at the base of the cross. Love dripping, abundant, full of grace and mercy. This is not a mechanism for guilt, this is the avenue for our joy, our purpose, our hope. We are loved with a deep desperation, fierce longing, desire.

This baby, born in the meanest of ways enables us all to live in generous, overflowing extravagance. And I have to believe, I have to dwell, knowing God holds the hurting, the very least of these, closest.

The lessons I hope to impart to my children, through our abundance, through grace and mercy, involve choosing to live in the discomfort, recognizing privilege, honoring the responsibility through being given much.

We will donate money and time to needs that arise. We will involve our children in these choices. We will invite them to the homeless shelter. We will continue to have frank discussions about politics, church, the news. We will not shield them from world events. They will be aware of evil, but I will stake my life on making sure they know the good, they live the good, they receive the good. For through this bounty and security their eyes, ears, hearts, I pray, will burn for justice.

Nothing really changes this year – all of us well provided for. The room will be littered with the detritus of wrapping, bows, tissue, stocking stuffers, and candy. Thoughtful gifts given, hearts and bellies full, the morning over by 9:00. I will retreat to my bed with Netflix, Eric will build stuff. Naps are a definite.

Yes, Christmas is equally beautiful and treacherous. The lists are long, the days are short. I will err, but my hope is I err on the side of love – the richness, the fullness, the infinity of love.

Love, born to us, lived with us, died for us.


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The Taggers Lounge

I would like to invite you all to The Taggers Lounge forum. We have weekly tagging challenges, monthly designer challenges, exclusive tubes, scraps, and other items for you tagging needs!! Stop by and register today. http://thetaggerslounge.forumotion.com/forum

Loads of kits have now been retired!
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Friday, June 24, 2016

Color Fairy - PTU SnCo Exclusive

SnCo. Exclusive
Color Fairy
10 Papers
83 Elements
Match for Andy Coopers Colors Fairy tube.  Step into the fairy fantasy with this fun themed kit for
your tagging pleasure!
Find kit HERE
Find tube HERE

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Wednesday, March 26, 2014

News from Assemblyman Eustace

Eustace Introduces Bill to Allow Direct Sale of Electric Cars in NJ Legislation intends to rectify shortsighted decision by Christie administration to ban the sale of electric cars in New Jersey which hinders consumer choice & economic growth (TRENTON) – Assemblyman Tim Eustace (D-Bergen/Passaic) has introduced a bill to allow consumers in New Jersey to buy electric cars directly from a manufacturer. The bill looks to remedy a recent decision by the state Motor Vehicle Commission (MVC) that hurts business in the state by banning Tesla Motors Inc. and other electric car retailers from selling directly to consumers. The decision has been widely panned, but defended by the governor. “Because of this new rule, an interested buyer looking for more fuel-efficient, environmentally-friendly vehicle options can go look and ask questions about an electric car in New Jersey, but will have to go to Pennsylvania or New York if he or she actually wants to buy the car,” said Eustace. “How does sending business to other states help New Jersey’s economy?” The bill (A-2986) amends current law to allow any motor vehicle franchisor who manufactures electric motor vehicles to directly buy an electric motor vehicle from, and directly sell, offer to sell, or deal an electric motor vehicle to a consumer, if the manufacturer is licensed by the MVC. Earlier this month, the Motor Vehicle Commission, made up of Gov. Christie’s cabinet members and appointees, voted unanimously to require that all new vehicle sales go through franchised retail dealers. The vote effectively bans Tesla Motors from selling their cars directly to consumers from their two showroom locations at the Garden State Plaza and The Mall at Short Hills. Tesla Founder and Chairman Elon Musk has said the company’s New Jersey stores will become galleries where staff can answer questions, but not discuss price or complete a sale, and that potential buyers will be directed to locations in Manhattan and King of Prussia, Pennsylvania. “The governor talks a big game about attracting innovative businesses to the state, but this move does the exact opposite. As criticism has mounted, the governor has tried to point the finger at the Legislature, but no one’s buying it. We need to attract companies that will create jobs and promote economic growth. If the governor is unwilling, then the Legislature will get it done,” said Eustace. Eustace, who drives an electric car himself, is a proponent of electric cars because of the long-term benefits they provide consumers and the environment, and has sponsored a number of bills to help the electric car industry flourish in New Jersey. This bill is his latest effort.

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Tuesday, May 30, 2017

What They Were Thinking

It's been a cool and soggy Memorial Day weekend roundabout Exit 151, and I don't mean the uproar over a certain sportswriter's selective unease about the Indy 500 winner or the pushback to a certain First Blogger's let-them-eat-cake recipe. No, no, fluff-filled brain that I have, the observation is merely meteorological – the weekend was cool and rainy.

In between the raindrops I managed to visit the Presby Iris Gardens, which lived up to their nickname, A Rainbow on the Hill. And there were plenty of buds, so the display should remain lovely for at least another week.

Presby Iris Gardens 2017

Gentle readers may recall that last month's quick pickled asparagus disappeared fast, which prompted me to put up the shelf-stable version for the May FIJ challenge, cold pack. This time I used Marisa McClellan's recipe for Pickled Asparagus Spears, put up in 12-oz jelly jars. Compared with the quick pickle, the processed version (unsurprisingly) is wrinkled and softer, although not as overcooked as commercial canned asparagus, and the extra heat infused the brine with the color of the red pepper flakes. There was some siphoning, nothing too distressing, and the yield was perfect. All good, except it turns out the happy hope of preserving spring bounty was mostly foiled by the insatiable munching jaws at casa Jersey Knitter. As fast as the asparagus is prepared, just so quickly it disappears! That's mostly gratifying, only slightly frustrating.

Pickled Asparagus Spears

Somehow Sock Madness 11 has managed to reach Round 5, leaving me far, far behind, even for a patterns-only non-competitor. After a personal best last year, there are too many distractions this year! And my wandering attention has wandered to June Camp Loopy (and the Tour de Fleece 2017). Here's my yarn for camp, Cascade Ultra Pima. I'm wavering (again) on the pattern. This year's theme is dinosaurs; I've been assigned to Camp Stegosaurus. Although my dino totem is a Velociraptor. Perhaps that bodes well for fierce and fleet knitting? Surely it doesn't signify much frogging and shredding?

Ultra Pima for June Camp Loopy

Alas, cruel reality intrudes on these pleasant knitting musings: I expect to be crazy-busy in June (and traveling on the day of the TdF Grand Départ, July 1). What am I thinking???

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Monday, February 27, 2012

Abandoned Factories Finding a New Purpose

We went on a little road trip yesterday to find a great coffee shop and hopefully see a few abandoned factories. It was getting dark when we got there (and the wind was brutual), but we still had a few short moments to take in the factories.

The windows and doors are always a favorite of mine.

These factories were especially exciting to see because they are in the process of being repurposed. We saw one that we visited last year, transformed from forgotten to beautiful. I'm excited to see what becomes of these on our next visit.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Bennett College

Many years ago, a few friends and I were going up to Millbrook to visit someone. We passed this gorgeous abandoned building, and I remember thinking "I need to come back and see that again someday." Years passed, but I didn't forget how beautiful that building was despite the fact that it was falling apart.

Recently, I started researching it, because I was curious how something so beautiful could be forgotten I discovered the main building, Halcyon Hall was built in 1893 as a hotel. It was an amazing 5 story, 200 room building. The hotel wasn't very successful, and became the home to Bennett College around 1907. Now that I knew a little bit about the building, it was time to find it.

We set off on our road trip knowing only a nearby intersection. We arrived at that point, and caught a glimpse of the building. It was more amazing than I remembered.

The magnitude of the building is almost overwhelming. I wanted to take it all in, and tried to slowly appreciate all of the amazing details.

We made our way around the outside of the property (we never crossed the "keep out" fence), and each view was more interesting than the last.

I love this window.

Nearby, we found a newer dorm. It too was forgotten, and although not structurally as beautiful as the main building, it was still interesting. Notice the lonely yellow chair on the second floor.

There is such a captivating beauty in this building, that I can't wait to go back and photograph it again.


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Wednesday, November 28, 2012

A forgotten steel mill...

I heard there were remains of a 19th century iron making complex in the woods in a nearby town.  Supposedly, the furnace and chimney were still standing.  I knew I needed to see it.

As we headed into the woods, we saw the remains on a cellar (above).  We continued onward, and saw stone walls.  Stone walls in New England just sort of appear in the woods.  They always amaze me...the work that went into putting them together without all the tools we have today.

I was hoping there would be more than just stone walls, and there would be a real furnace and chimney waiting along the path.

We made our way through the woods and came to an opening. This stood is front of us!

The chimney was standing nearby. It was perfect.  It certainly didn't look like it was "forgotten" over a hundred years ago.

The two ovens sit up on a hill above the furnace.
Heading into the oven (I never thought i would type those words).
Looking up!

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