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Friday, August 28, 2009

Terminating an Adoption: Will the Real Anita Tedaldi Please Stand Up?

That NYT blog piece by Anita Tedaldi about her disrupted adoption? Well, she wrote this article, We Can't Trade In Our Children or Husbands, in January 2008:

Hard to believe, but a Dutch couple returned their adopted Korean daughter after seven years. [I blogged about this case here]. The parents adopted the little girl from South Korea when she was 4 months old. Reports of how the situation unfolded were contradictory but it appears that thegirl was given over to the care of the Social Welfare Department in Hong Kong, where the man is a diplomat, because they could no longer care for her. The couple explained that the girl was emotionally unresponsive and all attempts at therapy failed.

As an adoptive parent, really as just a parent, I can't justify this couple's behavior under any circumstance. I don't think these people are monsters, though the result of their action is monstrous because they chose to follow their selfish and unloving side instead of choosing to tough it out and love their daughter no matter what. Sadly, the impact on this child will be devastating.

Perhaps they had good intentions when they adopted, most likely they did, but something went wrong along the way. These parents were probably unprepared to deal with some difficult aspects of adoption. It's easy to imagine only the best of a new family member, just as we do with our biological children. No one envisions mediocrity, let alone problems. I have imagined perfect things in the past only to discover the road to family or marital bliss requires lots of hard work and an effort to practice unconditional love.

* * *

From personal experience I can say that adoption can be challenging. But so can a biological child who has issues, or problems in marriage, or work-related difficulties. When our adopted son Matteo started having health issues we had to consult several specialist and it was hard for him to be around his sisters, it became challenging. This doesn't mean that my husband or I ever had any second thoughts about adopting Matteo, or that we considered him any different than our biological children.

So is Matteo a pseudonym? In the NYT article she uses the initial D., and in a comment she posted to that article, she called him David (BTW, in that comment, she also said she had 3 children at the time she adopted D., and then had 2 more after D.'s adoption). Is this the same child? If so, then in January 2008 she had no second thoughts, and in August 2009, she tells us about the disruption like it happened a while ago. Pretty quick to go from couldn't-imagine to done-deal.

Sheesh, who IS this woman?! Or does this simply represent her right to change her mind? She also says in the NYT piece that she didn't know where the idea to return D. came from when it popped into her head -- ya think Jade's story might have had something to do with it?! She acts in that article like she'd never even heard of disruption before . Those who are praising her honesty in writing that blog post, regardless of opinions about the disruption, might want to think again. . . .

I CANNOT believe it! has scrubbed it's site to take down the article by Anita Tedaldi that I linked to above! You click on it now, you get a generic page about columnists, not even an ERROR 404 message, nothing to show the article previously existed there. If you do a search of the site for Tedaldi's name, you find two other articles by her, but not this one. In fact, the search page shows the two results, but at the top it says "Results 1-2 of about 3 [about 3?!]." And at the bottom it says, "In order to show you the most relevant results, we have omitted some entries very similar to the 2 already displayed. If you like, you can repeat the search with the omitted results included." But when you click to get the omitted results, nothing else comes up!

WTF??? I'm a military brat, my dad was career Air Force. I'm appalled by this. Any guesses why they scrubbed it clean? I can't tell you how happy I am that I snipped this portion of the article before it was made to vanish.

Anonymous said...

Oh, wow, I didn't think to look further into what she'd written before. I'm trying not to read too much into it (maybe she was trying to convince herself or something?) but it's hard not to. Curiouser and curiouser.

Anonymous said...

" did lots of research on adoption, including attachment problems and other complications that older adopted children can have."

I have seen this before. In the file of a child that I considered adopting from a disruption. The mother knew within a month that her little girl wasn't attaching properly, because she knew all about attachment. She knew every sign of RAD to look for and she watched like a hawk for them, and you can bet she found them. There was nothing wrong with that little girl that time with a parent who was willing to work through her problems would not have cured. I didn't adopt her, because the respite home that she went to adopted her instead! Dimwit Anita Tedaldi didn't learn enough in her research to know that a child who has gone through what our kids go through is not going to just bounce back and be a child that you can "parent this little boy the same way I had done with my biological daughters."

anita tedaldi said...

Hello this is Anita Tedaldi.

One of the reasons for my writing the article was to be honest with my inability to carry to term what I had wanted to do. I felt that my column criticizing someone who had disrupted an adoption was hypocritical.

While at the time I truly believed that I could have integrated D. into our family, and we attempted to do so, I was ultimately unable to give him what he needed.

I don’t justify, excuse or explain my actions. Read the essay and interpret it as you like. Many details of the story aren’t included, but D’s placement into another family was the best outcome.

I chose to share the inconsistencies and the human contradictions in my own life in a public forum precisely because I believe we are all made up of good and bad, we all make good choices and bad choices, and when we believe that we can preach others life has a way of teaching that we really can’t. And that's what happened to me.

Margie said...

Anita, with respect: the problem is that while you were experiencing these these opposing sides of humanity, a child's life was pulled along for the ride.

I don't judge you, I just find it strange that you wouldn't have linked to your original article in this NYT piece, which in my opinion focused far to much on you and your feelings regarding the termination of his adoption.

malinda said...

Thanks for posting, Anita. Not to pile on, but I have to agree with Margie -- I just can't see how you could write the NYT piece without referencing your former piece.

I know blogging isn't "journalism," but this is an integrity issue regardless.

Like I said in my comment on the NYT site, no, we shouldn't judge. But we also shouldn't tolerate everything. And as I said in a previous post here, at least you didn't blame D., which is the usual pattern in these disruption confessions. I appreciate that.

Andy said...

I find it ironic that Anita's life experience is a testament to the folly of sometimes judging others too harshly, yet she is being judged harshly. Out of the likely hundreds of adoptive parents that will respond harshly to the NYT piece, I wonder if any of them might one day face a possible disruption.

Anonymous said...

You know I am friends with a woman who is in a very tough situation. She adopted a child out of "South America." She was not given a complete background on this child. This child was placed in a home in California. That family disrupted that adoption because the child had been acting out badly. The director of the agency flew to California to pick up the child and had the child stay in her home in North Carolina until she could be placed in foster care in Maryland. The foster parents signed an "at risk placement" form. They too had problems with this girl. The agency knowing this placed this child in another home before the homestudy was completed. The second adoptive parents did adopt her. This adoptive mother had to force the agency to give her facts. She made contact with the first set of adoptive parents. She found out then that this child had been sexually abused while in a foster home down in South America. Of course this child has been in residential treatment. She will continue to need this until adulthood. This child has also acted out violently in her home as well. One thing that I have to give this adoptive mother is that she never abandoned this child. She is well within her rights to do so in order to protect her family. She has chosen not to. That woman is a true mother in every sense of the word. You can say that the child never bonded with her. She is still fighting the agency to see to it that her child is cared for.

As an adoptee, I am proud to have that mother as my friend. I look at this situation in different eyes. I feel for the child in this situation. He was abandoned twice. It may very have been the best decision for you and your family. My heart still aches for this child. There has been additional damage done. I view this situation as both cowardly and brave. Although you do not blame the agency, I do. In fact, I blame the entire adoption industry.

Anonymous said...

Wow, Malinda, I too am happy that you got a snip of that article before it was "disappeared." And it disappeared so soon after you linked it. I wonder who requested it's disappearance? Maybe the family? Who else would have been monitoring your blog?

As for the family, it sounds like the situation was just not in control from the beginning as far as the long deployments, 3 young children + 2 more (while D was still living there?). Also, as many people have pointed out, a child found by the side of the road in a poor country will likely have some problems, but RAD probably (if at all) won't be a long-term one given that D wasn't even 1 year old.

Thank you for reporting about this family and doing some real investigative journalism!

Anonymous said...

There's other articles in the Google cache by the same author talking about how difficult it is for a military family to adopt, but she persevered and her 14 month old mixed racial adopted boy from Ethiopia is "thriving."

I'm beginning to doubt the full truth of any of these stories. Maybe she's just another James Frey. Unfortunately there probably is a real boy that really did get hurt from her actions, whatever they really were.

Dee said...

So it seems that at one time, according to Tedaldi's own published words in another forum, the son she and her husband adopted was "thriving." But then he wasn't? So she dissolved the adoption. And wrote about THAT. Guess if you want to double your market, you can just write both sides of each issue and say you wanted to explore your own hypocrisy and human complexity. Or whatever. And Tedaldi is still of reproductive age, if she hasn't yet chosen a permanent form of birth control. So there might be hope for that son yet!

Snark aside, I am very glad the boy that Tedaldi had adopted is now with a family who is committed to doing what he needs in order to be effective, loving parents to him.

Anonymous said...

The son in question wasn't adopted from Ethiopia, but from South America. In other words, that was the son she gave up.

Hey, Malinda--I noticed the scrub yesterday. Thought I'd just reached the wrong link. Or sumpthin'.

The whole thing stinks.

malinda said...

Osolo -- actually, it seems the son was adopted from Ethiopia instead of somewhere in South America. Or at least that's what Anita Tedaldi said in another article on the web on the difficulties of military families trying to adopt. She talked about how hard it was, but that they persevered and successfully adopted from Ethiopia. Then in the NYT's piece the adoption was from South America. And in the piece the child was named Matteo and in the NYT's piece he was D.!

My brain hurts from trying to figure out the truth here!

Anonymous said...

Actually the problems are not necessarily because it was "scrubbed" but because they are having issues with the server. The forums, articles, etc... have all been having problems for 2 weeks. This weekend many people can't view the forums or articles. They are working on the problem.

Dee said...

Is it possible Tedaldi & Co. actually adopted two different boys?? Did she adopt a son the first time ("D." from somewhere in Central or South America) and eventually dissolve the adoption? And then could it be possible that she adopted AGAIN ("Matteo," from Ethiopia, who was mentioned in another article on the web). Who knows. I guess anything's possible....

Beth said...

My goodness. When I questioned why the Military article was removed, I was told by Lisa Belkin herself that the had *nothing* to do with it. And that I was a conspiracy theorist.
Last I knew, the article could still be found under her married name of Anita Doberman. Though my questions over the name change were also dismissed. They told me that the name was changed from her married name to her maiden name toprotect her husband although that is not actually the case. In fact it was quite the opposite.
I was also told that the article link was removed from the NYT comments section to protect the child. But wait a minute wasn't his "mother" the one revealing the information in the first place? Why was there no concern for the child before the link was found and posted in the comments section? That article had sat there for over a year and it is suddenly removed within hours of being linked on the NYT.

Anonymous said...

Its all hype for her book
She doesn't care if she gets negative feedback

Anonymous said...

As an adoptee I would like to say thank you Malinda!

Anita, while you may feel that your column criticizing someone who had disrupted an adoption was hypocritical, you certainly made no mention of that hypocrisy in your essay. The whole thing read like "I tried everything I could but the kid was to damaged and poor me, I was just so heartbroken."

You offered no empathy for the true impact of your actions. You protected the adoption agency (who really should NOT have approved you) by stating that they did everything right and you offered no suggestions on how to reduce the number of disruptions - whether that be through stricter regulations, better education, etc.

And then you go on public radio yesterday and talk about how you are unjustly vilified? Please.

Malinda - the article that was pulled from military . com can be found at the below link in google cache - at least until the military threatens google.

VHM said...

Glad to see this story/concoction being torn apart by all members of the adoption triad together.

Who knows what Anita's motivations are, either in adopting or writing about it? It's clear that she has no conscience. I feel so much pity for that boy, but at least (if the story is true) he's now with a family that understands and cares. In some ways, I worry more for the bio daughters who are stuck with her.

artsweet said...

And here...

it refers to her son being adopted from Ethiopia.

Odd and odder...

artsweet said...

More sleuthery

has a picture of Anita, her daughters, and an Ethiopian-looking little boy

bajones said...

Heh. Everything that she's ever written is disappearing from the web. Apparently Anita is unaware of the concept of caching.

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Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...

Huh. I just watched a bit with Anita Tedaldi (also known as Anita Doberman) on the Today Show. I decided to google her and see what popped up. Very weird . . . the Today Show was a puff piece compared to what seems to have really happened.

Anonymous said...

Yes it truly was a puff piece seemed to be aimed at holding her in a positive light. its like they went out of their way not to come at her with the tough questions

Anonymous said...

Wow, Ms. Tedaldi Doberman, what are the odds of having adopted two boys who both happened to have been left on the side of a road?

I'm starting to wonder now if there ever really was an adoption. Perhaps she borrowed Matteo/D for a photoshoot and a new story.

Sophia said...

Geez, what a snarky bunch of haters. What I can't quite determine from your comments is are you angry with Anita for her behavior toward the child "D" and making a decision you "perfect" adoptive moms would NEVER make OR are you angry that she's getting press and attention that you can't get?

Would a better outcome have been for her to keep "D" and end up abusing him, maybe killing him and dumping him (we've all read about these horrible stories). Their outcome was not ideal, but what she did took courage -- not just to allow D to be placed elsewhere, but to write about it and open herself up publicly. I personally applaude her. It's easy judge. I too had a child that had attachment problems (to put it mildly) and we thought about quitting (I can't even count the number of times). I had lots of other thoughts that I'd never share outloud for fear of being condemned and judged. Bravo, Anita, for your unselfish act for "D" and for the guts to share it with the world!!!

malinda said...

You're the one who deserves the applause for your bravery -- you stuck it out through the hard times.

Good for you!

Anonymous said...

you have yet to give a single specific instance on why this child didn't 'bond' with you. we are not the sort of animals that need hormones to initiate the bonding process. Honestly, you come across as flat & unmoved, & I'm sure that a biopsychosocial profile on you would be revealing. This was not a pet adoption. It's good that this little boy was removed from your home.

Anonymous said...

easy with the name calling. Anita clearly treated this like a pet adoption. she can't provide one specific on why 'it didn't work'. Clearly this child needed a lot of help post some serious abuse. But honey, your comment is the ugliest.

Anonymous said...

sophia--brave??? no. but mouthy, yes! some moms shouldn't be moms. more tramatized children have been adopted and done well. perhaps Anita isn't all she wants us to believe she is??? more likely story.

Anonymous said...

As an adopted child I must say I am sorry for the poor child in this situation, no wonder he has issues people get him and give him away. How attached can you get when you NEVER know how long you will be kept. Pitiful, I do not applaude Anita whatsoever. When you adopt a child you should be prepared that things may take YEARS to go right. These children have been thru more things by the age of 3 then most 22 yrs olds ever go thru. A child is not a puppy and if your not willing to actually parent that child no matter how hard it is dont adopt, and dont have your own kids either, yes biological kids have issues too, guess she will just put them in foster care right? Who says that the child is REALLY happy where he is now, I dont trust that especially from her selfish behind!

Anonymous said...

I am reading with sorrow and pity the comments condemning Anita and others who gave up their adopted children. I only wish that we had made the same choice. Our daughter was placed with us at 13 months. She had FAS and numerous other problems. As the mother of two biological children who were thriving, happy and doing well in school, I thought that I could give her all that she needed to overcome her problems. I was naive. After years and years of therapy and the help of dozens of social workers, speech therapists, child behavior specialists...the list goes on and on...our daughter was becoming a nightmare. She started fires, took a knife to our furniture, shop lifted (this started at age 7!)and lied constantly. I knew from early on that she had attachment issues but I thought with the help of professionals and unconditional love that I could overcome this. I was so, so wrong. She's an adult now. She has no contact with my family. That is a relief. Her adoption cost me my marriage and severely effected my sons. It will stand as the greatest pain in my life. I imagine that most of you are the parents of young children and have yet to go through the teens with your adopted children. I sincerely hope that your experiece does not match mine. But mine is not a aberration. Out of our Adoptive Mother's Support Group over half of the children grew up to have severe problems. This is a topic that just isn't discussed. Thank you, Anita for allowing we who suffer in silence to find a voice.

Anonymous said...

Being an Adoptee and knowing how dificult it is dealing with all the issues of being abandond I am sure this had plenty to do with the child not being able to connect. Not only was the child left of the side of the road Abandond this child is no longer with the only person he has any connection with. Life either way will be difficult an I dont think the fact that this lady gave him up after 18 months will have all that much to do with any issues that he will have down the road. Never knowing who your biological mother is will have the greatest impact on this child.

I myself have had a tough time dealing with the fact that I never got the opportunty to meet my Biological mother she had passed away before we had a chance to meet. She is my angel and even though I never meet her she did give me the gift of life. Now after 37 years I have most of the pieces of where I come from but there are some pieces still missing. I don't know who my father is and probably never will. I never thought the loss of someone I never new would have such an impact on my life and I have met my biological Aunts & Uncles and some of her close friends, but this can never take the place of actually meeting the person who brought me into this world. I miss you and you will always have a special place in my heart.

Anonymous said...

I have 2 adopted sons. My huusband and I were able to bring both babies home at 1 week of age. They are now 19 and 23. Both boys have had learning disabilities that have been challenging to say the least, but both are loving respectful, funny young adults. I never had any bonding problems. Fom the moment they were placed in my arms they were my children for better or worse. I can't compare my situation to those who have adopted children with serious psycological problems and I wouldn't attempt to judge them. I can't imagine ever giving up my adopted child but if by some chance I had made the decision Anita made, I certainly would not have publicized it. It was a private matter and she should have left it private. I pray that little boy will have the most loving and dedicated mom possible and I hope her biological children don't live in fear that they too could be given away.

Anonymous said...

"I have imagined perfect things in the past only to discover the road to family or marital bliss requires lots of hard work and an effort to practice unconditional love". With this said by Anita I am only left to believe that one of three things are happening:Anita has issues within herself/family, she needs the hype for a movie or book deal or she's working on a dissertation. No one just jumps into adoption with their eyes closed unless they have a motive. We're not judging Anita but trying to understand so that we can show empathy not only to child but to her as well. Anita don't Pee on us then tell us it's raining!! KEEP IT REAL..I'm sure there are military moms/wives that imagined those same "perfect things" you did.

Anonymous said...

Ah yes, what to do with all of these children that somehow don't turn out right? It seems that things have changed from the 50's and 60's when a girl got into trouble, went to a maternity home, had the baby, adoptive parents went to maternity home, picked up baby. Lets face it, the smart girls get the abortions or are smart enuf not to get knocked up. Be very care ful about these "mercy" cases.

Anonymous said...

Five kids and a husband who's deployed? Was she just bored and fighting her biological clock?? Was this just an FU to approaching middle age? Did she envy Madonna or Angelina? Parenting is not a hobby, and yes, chances are very good that, in this day and age, when you adopt a child (there being no stigma on single unwed mothers) the people that give up or have their kids taken away are probably going to have "issues" Yes, our biological kids can have issues, but in those cases, we can look at mom and dad and get a clearer picture of the breeding.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Anita - I absolutely agree with your decision! You are not doing that child any favors by co-existing with him. We all need true connection. I, myself, have a nephew that I wish that I had some sort of connection with, but I just don't and I was upset with myself about it for years. I don't have the patience for his issues and he constantly causes chaos. He and I are both better off appart from one another.

Anonymous said...

My husband and are parents of a 23 year old son whom we adopted at age four from Foster Care...he was mixed race and had a family history of abuse and neglect. He is our only child, and the light of our life. He is a recent college graduate, and has his first job---five months now! I would not trade a minute we had with him. I can not put into words how much I love him, and how much I miss him as he is living several states away from us know. He brought us much joy, and I think we brought him much joy and happiness as well. At the same time, it was never easy, and there were many times I *thought* about just giving up. I never expressed this thought to our son, and never will. Even though we were prepared, and had a great family therapist involved, some of his rage was terrifying---even though I could understand it from his history. He was sometimes physical abusive towards us, and towards our home...but this mainly stopped by about 13. He was verbally abusive through High School. This stopped in college. We were committed to him, and I thank God that we stuck it out. I can't imagine our life without him, or his if he lost yet another family. Had we had other children, though, I don't know if we would have reacted differently. I can't imagine an agency/counselor placing a child with ANY special needs in a home without other young children and a sometimes absent parent. My husband and needed each other for emotional support. And I can't imaging what the dynamics of having another child in the home would have been. The story today made me ill, because I felt so sorry for the child, and some empathy as well for the mother. I do hope and pray that boy was placed in a well prepared home with two constant, present parents and no other children. Our son was in half a dozen homes before we adopted him at four, and WAS able to bond with us....but it was still not easy.

Anonymous said...

I have two questions for Anita.
If you hadn't bonded with one of your biological children - would you have put him/her up for adoption?
Have you ever heard that parents should have "unconditional love" for your children? (I've never heard it quoted as unconditional love unless you feel you can't bond.)

Anonymous said...

What about having unconditional love for your children? This should be for adopted and biological. Obviously Anita had conditions required of the child and should not have been permitted to adopt in the first place.
I have just one question for Anita. If you were unable to bond with one of your biological children - would you have given him/her up for adoption?

Anonymous said...

This is not an animal she adopted it is a child for goodness sake and I think most of us would treat our animals better than this woman has treated this child. Talk about looking a gift horse in the mouth, by the grace of God this woman was given a child to nurture and SHE could not handle him so she gave him back - Shame on you and your family for your selfishness!

Foxxy One said...

What really sucks is one day this child may grow up, discover the name of the woman who first adopted him and come across all these stories. How sad that she felt the need to make something incredibly painful and private very public.

Anita - if you are still reading this - shame on you.

Anonymous said...

The problem with Anita is not that she "gave the child" back but her overall attitude towards the process.
There are biological parents who painfully need to place their children in institutional placement because of issues such as autism that the parents are not handling properly. Properly meaning in the best interests of the child.
There was no sense of the child in Anita's piece. Stuffing toys in a bag and heading off to MacDonald's to drop off your kid is just not acceptable. It would have been so much better if she had expressed a bit of empathy towards him. The lack of empathy is what people are reacting too.

Anonymous said...

I am adopted... now I am 30 years old. When my mom & dad adopted me, I was 5 months old, had failure to thrive, and had been through a traumatic situation at birth. (I was stabbed in the neck less than an hour after being born.).. and I know that it took a long time for me to "attach" myself to my family and bond like a biological child would, mainly because for the first 5 months of my life I was in a hospital and in an over-crowded foster home where I did not receive the affection and attention that all babies need. But as time went on, my poor mom couldn't have a second alone to go to the bathroom because I didn't want her to even go into another room without me! (Eventually I grew out of this) You HAVE to take the child's past into consideration... even though they can't communicate with adults, babies have problems too if they're born into a difficult situation. People who want to adopt special-needs babies (& I'm sure that baby D was listed as one) REALLY need to understand that it may take a long time.

jlawnephoto said...

I couldn't believe the inverview with this woman and Lauer. Wanted to jump into the television and trade her in. She's outragious!! Had nothing to say since there is nothing to say. You naturally have a child or adopt and life goes on for better or worse. You can divorce you partner but not your child. That kid will be damaged without good therapy. I bought these shoes walked around for a year and a half, went everywhere, had good and bad times but decided I don't like them ... take them back. Wish they could arrest abusive people like this insensitive idiot.

Chloe said...

Is it possible this is some form of Munchausens and she is just a liar? I am not an adoptee or an adoptive parent - but kids can present all sorts of problems - and not right away - my child started at 24. But you don't give them back - back to whom? As an aside we adopted a cat (full grown) and he peed. On every damn thing in the house. We kept him knowing he would be "taken back" and destroyed if we did. We loved him and hoped it would help and we worked with our vet. Nothing helped. He died during a seizure. My heart is still broken. This woman sounds like as if she needs lotsof medical and I mean osychiatric attention. The Internet has brought us some strange creatures. I am relieved this little guy has been taken to a family who loves him. And I have discovered it is harder to adopt a pet than child these days. In this case I concur.

malinda said...

Respectful disagreement, good. Racial slurs, bad.

Keep the discussion going, but remember your manners!

Anonymous said...

I am Jewish so how was it a racial slur? I am almost certain she was not comfortable with a black child! I love people of all races. So you are wrong I was not making a racial slur.

Anonymous said...

I will repeat myself. Anita I find you to be quite dishonest. This isn't a rental car service, we are speaking about a child who was once abandoned. If you really loved Baby D, you would have atleast have the decency to keep this situation private! I am sick to my stomach that you ARE making money from this situation. You got paid for the interview, you got paid commercials from your blog, and you are getting paid for a book deal. Who does that? Anita I think there is something wrong with your thought processes. I hope to G-d that you are never allowed to adopt again. Our children, the future of this world, is not some item you can discard. Shame on you ANITA!!!!

Donna, Staten Island said...

AS a mother with a child who has "issues", I can symathize with a mother at ther wit's end. However, there IS help available. You don't get to through away your child when parenting becomes tough. A child who has trouble "bonding" needs his mother that much more. I belive this baby was done irreparable harm by the very people trusted to protect him!

Anonymous said...

I cannot believe what I saw on the Today show. To me, the arguement that "we didn't bond with the child" is just a lame excuse for bad parenting.What does that even mean?You are giving up on a baby because he won't adapt to your wayr? Are you going to give up your children when they become teenagers and become "disconnected" from you?
I think that this is just another sad case of "I need attention and exposure" from a writer, at the cost of a poor child. Shame on you!

Anonymous said...

I am an adoptee and was placed in a family that I didn't fit in. My adoptive mom used to tell me that I am going to send you back to the home. It's too bad that these adoptive parents don't put the child first. The one who gets hurt the most is the child. I know from experience. I am an unwanted child from two families. I am happy that the boy is now placed with someone that loves him. It is hard to be raised in an unloving family.

Anonymous said...

As an adoptive mom of two precious boys I was really disheartened to see this story on the Today show this morning.

I know first-hand that bonding takes took almost two years with my youngest son. Bottom line...I faked it until I made it. Now, a year later, he holds such a special place in my heart. The "fight" to bond makes our bond now so much stronger and deeper.

I think a lot of the problem with this situation lies with the adoption agency, or whomever approved this family to adopt in the first place. Three girls already in the home and a deployed father - this was a disaster waiting to happen, nevermind the addition of two more children to the family after the adoption.

This does not sound like a case of a too-far-gone RAD sounds like a case of a family who gave up because it was the easier thing to do. (Seriously, the girls said "goodbye" while watching TV, like it was "see you later"...??? Seriously?!)

I am sorry they gave up on "D" but I am very hopeful he has found his home with parents who will love him "no matter what."

Anonymous said...

I am a mother of 4 children 1 who is birth and 3 whom are adopted. My 3yr old I have had since he was 2days old and my other 2 are birth brothers with same birth mom and different birth fathers but we have had them for 4 yrs. We have also had severeal other fostr children. I can tell you that unless you have been in our shoes NO one should be quick to judge. I believe that Anita tried different things to bond and it didnt work out. In the long run D is young and he will have not had too much memory of this. I believe that it could have been much worse if they would have kept him regaurdless of not attaching that is such a huge thing to a childs growth and development. So in short DON'T be so quick to judge! Just keep this family and child "D" in thought and prayers and it will wrk out. said...

I have 3 daughters who are adopted and 3 homegrown children. I have worked in the field of adoption for many, many years as well as traveling to orphanages to vollunteer. Two of my daughters were adopted at ages 3 and 4. There is so much damage done at this point to the child, bonding can be very difficult. In all of the disruptions I have been involved with, the child has done muhc better....the match is better, the 'marriage' between the child and the new parents is much better.
A study was done at UNC on disruptions. Many times the parents have high expectations of a child and there is a possibility that the child cannot live up to that expectation. Parents cannot handle this. Reas this study, it's all very interesting.

Most of all, if you haven't walked in the shoes of someone who has had to go through a disruption, DO NOT JUDGE. If you have then feel free.

The mother in this case did what was best for the child. He was going to grow up with a mother that couldn't totally commit to him. She has taking a huge slap in the face for coming forward and being HONEST. The child will do fine with his new parents, God willing.
This was difficult for everyone involved.....believe me. I have never disruption, but kept a foster child for parents as they decided to disrupt. The child, with his new parents is doing wonderfully!

Anonymous said...

SLJOHNSON, Loving my baby........ I am about to adopt a little boy I've had in my home for almost a year, he will be a year old in 3 weeks I got him when he was a day old. I bonded with him from day one. Even knowing I may have to give him back. I cannot imagine anyone taking him from me now. I have other children (they are all grown now) but I also have 9 grandchildren and it has not taken anything away from them in fact they love him as much as I do. I can't begin to understand this women for her decision. But I am glad for the baby now he or she can have a home of some who deserves him and will love him uncontionally. this family needs prayer and I hope they will not be able to ever adopt again

Anonymous said...

this blog by her makes me worry for her other children.

Anonymous said...

My first time blogging. I am an aunt of a young man who was married to woman who "wanted a baby". She had been divorced before and had one son (teenager at the time nephew married her) but her ex=husband had custody. Her reason for this was "financial",but that she and her son had good relationship. And so, no pregnancy and the adoption. She "would adopt 3 to 5 kids", but then 2 sisters were available, one with severe issues. My family and I were literally shocked after a few months when we found out this woman #1 had asked her mother in law to watch kids while she went to work (that didnt happen) #2 one night this b==== actually pulled the child with issues, pulled her by the hair across kitchen and into patio. Thank God my nephew told adoption agency and they took kids back. And we all cried for those poor little girls, another huge disappointment in their lives. There are many emotionally unstable people in the world who should never be near children. And this woman is one of them. The end to this story, my nephew divorced her and she remarried a man with 3 children and they moved away. Frightening isn't it. God save the children.

Anonymous said...

I beleive that if Anita Tedaldi Doberman comes out with a book that all who believe that a book was her intention all along, should do all that they can to encourage a boycott of the book.

Anonymous said...

I've been angry since I saw this woman on Today. I've been angry reading the comments. I've just been angry.

I'm adopted. For the adoptive mother who decided "woops, wrong kid", for the adoptive mothers that say "Oh, but you just don't KNOW what we went through!! You can't judge!!", I say to you directly, one and all, that you are full of it.

You adopt us. You go to great pains to go over and over with books and talks how you love us "just as much as if you were born to me", and then you get together in these little forums and have sympathy for this woman?

If it was her natural child, and she didn't bond, would you feel the same? If that was the whole excuse? "We're just not boooonding." Of course not. Those natural parents that abandon their children are crucified. It's those parents that you all feel superior to because you are gathering in what they have abandoned.

This happens because no matter how many adoptive parents claim that we are just the same as "natural born" kids, that's a crock. Those of you with sympathy for the "disruption", who feel sorry for this attention-starved woman who blogs about what a fantastic mother she is prove it with every word of "don't be so quick to judge".

Oh, really? So when *is* it ok to give your kid back? When the studies say it might be better? When it's been less than two years? When you adopt a child with a past are the challenges noble up until the point that they actually manifest as, you know, challenges?

You're making excuses. I see people claiming that "he won't even remember", and then SHE is claiming RAD from less than a year of life - which is it?

When you adopt us, we're either your kids, or we aren't. You're either our mothers, or you're not.

My natural born child has a Congenital Heart Defect. He has cost us hundreds of thousands of dollars in medical bills, hours at the doctor's office - so, is it cool for me to hand him off to someone else? When I was pregnant, this wasn't what I thought I was signing up for, either. I've spent 12 years doing this - surely there's someone with more money than me that could do better, right?

If you wouldn't do it to your "real child", but you would do it to your adopted child, all the fairy tale crap we're told about how we were "chosen" is a bunch of hooey. Giving back an adopted child is no different - NO different - than abandoning your own.

In each case, you made a commitment to be someone's mother, and in each case for your own reasons, you lied and you quit - and if you think a child being better off with someone else is some kind of noble conclusion to come to, you have no business having a child, adopted or otherwise.

Anonymous said...

What a HORRIBLE person Anita Tedali is!!!!!! I can only say that this poor little boy is much better off without this "woman" as a mother! Hopefully he will find a home with someone who is actually capable of loving a child they did not give birth to and hopefully this women won't go find some other poor little baby to use.

Anita could you have bonded better if the child had not been black? Maybe that was the mistake you made, not realizing until it was too late for this poor child that you were racist.

Sarah said...

Tedaldi's adoption was probably doomed from the start. She had several small children, and a husband who was deployed much of the time. After the little boy was placed in her home, she proceeded to have two more children. From what I've read about the case, Tedaldi became pregnant after the little boy was referred to her family, but before he was placed. Her caseworker recommended that they reconsider the adoption, but Tedaldi pushed ahead.

I don't think Anita Tedaldi was prepared or equipped to handle a special needs child - she certainly wasn't willing to put off childbearing until her son had been in her home for some time. I grew up in a military family, and there are reasons these families have a harder time adopting. (Transfers and deployments are not necessarily compatible with the structure and stability that children who have been through traumatic experiences need.)

I don't judge Tedaldi for disrupting the adoption. I do judge her for creating a situation in which disruption was highly likely to occur, even though she supposedly "educated" herself before the placement.

Anonymous said...

She admits to being Depressed? Why should a female who might be clinically depressed allowed to adopt? She herself admits to a mental disorder, right?. I just felt something about her is off. I hope she is not allowed to adopt. I feel bad for her children. Can u imagine having a brother for 18 months and then he gets taken away? I would be devastated.

Anonymous said...

Sadly, for all I have been reading, this child is better off away fron this crazy woman. She has exposed her whole family to this situation just to be in the spotlight for whatever reason she believed she had. I have seen pictures of her kids and her husband, who was supposed to be "invisible". This is pathetic...

Anonymous said...

i was a child whos birth mom decided late in my youth that she "couldn't deal with anymore". she gave me to foster care, where i was shuffled around different facilities and temp. foster homes until eventually i was put into a foster home that was "specially trained" to deal with severly damaged children. (i had suffered physical, mental and verbal abuse from my mother through my life as well as neglect, and had been a victim of sex crimes. i was actually removed from my home at 3 weeks old due to a fractured skull and spent my first 9 months in a foster home before i was returned to my mother) i spent about 2 years in this foster home struggling with emotional issues among other things. near the end of the two years, my foster mother said to me one day " i filled out the paperwork, you're going to be leaving soon. i can't deal with you anymore."
i spent the next few years in group homes and other facilites, before being dumped on the street where i lived off and on for another 3 years.
i am fortunate now to be living with my birth father (who is divorced from my birth mother) but i have walked a long road of pain and suffrance, when all i ever wanted was for someone to love me.
i suffer from a lot of problems as a result of being abandoned and abused, but i am slowly working through them.
from personal experience, i have to say, that ANYONE who condones the adandoning, giving away, or otherwise getting rid of a child because they didn't turn out to be quite what they wanted, ought to be ashamed of themselves. ( there are circumstances when putting a child up for adoption may truly be the best thing for the child, and i am not condemming those cases. i am only condemning cases where it is clearly a selfish act on the parents behalf. if you're claiming you just don't love your kid enough then you darn well better not have any more ) the most important thing in the world to a child, other than food, clothes, shelter and medical care, is LOVE. if you are incapable of unconditionally loving a child, not only should you not be adopting children, but you shouldn't be giving birth to them either. all you are doing is creating another damaged lost soul who will suffer longer than your selfish self will ever know.

you think 18 years of raising a child with "issues" is bad? try living an entire life having those issues, and then feeling like no one loved you on top of it. these children do not ask to be born this way, or made this way at the hands of those who are supposed to love them. shame on anyone who abandons these children when they need love and compassion the most.

Blessed said...

This is such a sad situation. When I read Anita's story I felt sympathy for both her and the child. I felt sorry for the child because it seemed like he was being abandoned all over again and it's not his fault that he had the highlighted issues. At the same time I felt sad for Anita because she did not love this child enough. She was in love with the idea of adoption and probably for the right reasons but the reality is she did not love the child as she did her own children. She however, cared enough to locate people who she thought would be a better parents than she was. I don't judge her and I don't feel angry at her. We are all human and none of us are perfect. Anita will face the repercussions of her decisions just as we all do. There are many parents who feel no attachment to their own biological children and either abandon or abuse, sometimes killing them. I sincerely hope that this little boy thrives in his current surroundings. All children deserve only the very best!

Anonymous said...

I feel incredibly sad for the little boy. Some women should not be adoptive mothers, and Anita Tedaldi is clearly one of them. It's too bad neither she nor the adoption agency realized this beforehand. She probably did the right thing by giving him a chance to grow up in a family that really wanted him and would love him. We all make mistakes, sometimes huge ones, and I would like to think the best of Ms. Tedaldi. But I am horrified that, rather than handling her private family tragedy with quite grace and dignity, she has chosen to go public and enrich herself, which she would not have done if she'd had her son's best interests at heart.

Anonymous said...

thank you SO MUCH for posting that article! i'm adopted and am in disbelief that anita tedaldi did this and is justifying this.

though not in the same way, i've always felt abandoned by my adoptive family and know how horrible it is to feel rejected not only once, but TWICE (by biological and adoptive family). i can only imagine how this child is going to feel when they are old enough to grasp the concept of what happened.

again, thank you so much for posting this! i linked to the posted and your site. i hope that's ok!

Anonymous said...

I have been reading about this woman ever since the headline for the Today show apperance crossed my line of vision. And here are my thoughts...

My cousin has adopted 6, YES 6, children from another country, some are siblings and some have special needs...she would be the first to tell you it ain't easy, but nevertheless those children are HER babies. This Anita, standing here 1. pointing fingers just last year, CONDEMING them for doing JUST what she has done...and 2. Now trying to further her "career", as it were, of posting her inane thoughts all over cyberspace....MAKES ME SICK. You, Anita, are a pathetic individual....children are not something to return to the store as they don't FIT you well enough. God help your biological children, and i sincerely hope the next time you want to "share your good fortune" and attempt to adopt another child who "might fit a bit better", the door gets slammed in your face. I have no sympathy for you...that's what you are trying to fish for here....and won't get any from me.

Anonymous said...

Without knowing more of the facts, it's extremely difficult to judge.
i.e.: was the agency or orphanage up front in regards to any abnormalities of the child; was the child too young for the orphanage to ascertain any problem;
how long did it take before she became fully aware of his emotional
dysfunction, etc.

She appeared to have tried for over a year, however, both their
emotional ties were being tested and without any support from her husband or children her struggles to bond and connect to the child grew.

She wrote about her decision to not only allow her conscience to heal, but to inform other potential
adoptees not to be ashamed if bonding does not occur and to seek professional assistance.

Re-adopting the child out was her best option in order to keep her
family in-take and to regain a semblance of normalcy back in her life.

Anonymous said...

...just wanted to add (i am the one with the cousin with 6 adopted children)...Anita, if you really gave a hoot about this child, then you'd keep your little story of all "Woe Is Me" OFF the say you care about his privacy, then why post things everywhere you can "oh poor me, woe is me"...this child may one day learn of the unfortunate circumstance of being in YOUR life, google your name, and learn about this, you don't think you'll be causing MORE damage, round two, as an adult ??....yeah, good job lady. Sure, it's maing you the quasi-celeb you wannabe, and surely lining your pockets, but what about HIM...

and NO, i DON'T respect you.

Anonymous said...

I respect Anita. She saw it was not the best situation for this child and she found a better home for him. It was the BEST situation for the child. How many women and girls out there find themselves pregnant or with a young child, feel it is best for them to find a more suitable home for their child through adoption and are reading how you all are blasting Anita for needing to find a better home for this child. They may not put their child first out of fear of being tormented by strangers for the rest of their lives. Anita adopted with good intentions and then found it was not working. Yes, she felt she made a mistake. She did not return the child like you all are saying...SHE FOUND A BETTER HOME FOR HIM. Thank you Anita for being strong enough to do the right thing for the child and speaking up to help others find the courage to do what is right for the child when they find they have made a mistake...Like we all as humans do in one way or another. STOP judging Anita unless you are perfect, which we know nobody is! STOP THROWING STONES!

Anonymous said...

i believe that everyone has the right to make their own choices. What works out best for the parent and their children is what works. For the child i dont believe it was the best. As an adopted child, I gave my parents an extremely hard time and so did my brother. It really hurt their biological child. It caused him a ton of anger issues. They had many chances to return us but stuck it out. Taking every actionable course they could. It took my mom and i 9 years for a connection and my brother and her still have not connected. We are all now happy and an amazing close family. My biological family found me too, and with that i'm more grateful and thankful for my adoptive parents. If i were sent back and been with a different couple the bond to make would have been way harder to create. I believe the circumstances and the strength of parents makes a difference. But remember not all biological parents can bond with their children too. Does that mean they can send them back? With the adoption process and more i guess so? So who is to say which answer is right? There isnt an answer. Judging does nothing. A person just needs to do the best they can and be able to go to bed at night and can say "I feel good, what i did TODAY is right!"

Anonymous said...

In all actuality, she wasn't the one who went out on her own to FIND another home for her child. I believe it says that she was put in touch with someone through the adoption agency/caseworker.

Anonymous said... the one who said no one should throw stones, UMMMM, isn't that what ANITA did when she blasted the Dutch couple for doing the same thing, the year before ?

aaryn b. said...

I'm an adoptive parent and as such, I would like to say BRAVO to adopted Anonymous who posted her brilliant and spot-on comments on October 1, 2009 8:56 PM.

WE choose YOU.
We are either your parents or we're not.

I will give Tedaldi credit for finding a loving home for David or D or Matteo or whatever his name is in her next reincarnation of her fable. At least she isn't keeping up pretenses and forcing him to live in a home where he's a second class citizen.But that is as far as I will go with my generosity and it makes me a little heartsick to give her that much.

Tedaldi gets no pass from me and I, too, am appalled by all the if-you-haven't-walked-in-her-shoes-don't-judge commenters. YReally? So you say you'd give away your biological autistic child? Or your child with severe ADHD? I have a friend whose daughter has Cystic Fibrosis, a disease that costs their family hundreds of thousands of dollars each year and a priceless amount of heartache. Pretty sure they didn't count on that. But they're not sending her into foster care. I dare say those defending her would take a different attitude if she threw one of her bios to the curb.

And as for Tedaldi's charachter, here's the thing I've determined after scouring her blog in anger and finding page after page of smiling faces in gymnastics meets and swim clubs, juxtaposed with scrubbed up posts (if she has nothing to hide, why are all of her stories disappearing?): She is an opportunistic liar.

She lied to her agency (pregnant with number four while in the process of adopting David or D or Matteo and then pregnant again with #5 after he came home, she lied (lies?) to herself, she lied to Matt Lauer, she lied to Lisa Belkin and the New York Times and yes, she has lied to us.

More offensive is her comment up above, the same cut and paste comment I've seen her put elsewhere, devoid of emotion or real in depth thought or specifics of any kind.

Tedaldi is a sham and what she has done to tarnish the image of adoption is shameful.

It doesn't matter whether you have a bio child or an adopted child. There are no guarantees in parenthood except that it's friggin' hard. And Tedaldi? Well. She's just an offense to all parents---all of us---who muddle through all of it and don't seek sympathy from millions of strangers.

The Women's Colony does not condone Anita Tedaldi:

Steve said...

This is all very interesting.
I'm a British journalist and I must confess when I first saw the story, I hoped to interview Ms Tedaldi.
However the more I look into her previous writings, the more suspect I become about her tale.
As some of you have correctly pointed out there are a number of inconsistencies.
What happened to Matteo for example?
Why are her older posts disappearing?
Incidentally I've clicked on some of the older ones posted here and some of them aren't working.
I should stress that I do not wish to cast judgement on the premise of what she did.
I have never adopted and thus can't understand what it is like for people.
I just find Anita's tale troubling because of the number of strange and erratic things about it.
If you could send any links to previous articles or have any comments feel free to e-mail me at

Anonymous said...

First of all, this trite absolution of "don't judge someone until you've walked in their shoes," can only go so far. At some point, right is right, and wrong is wrong. We don't offer that cliche for child molesters or parents who kill their children, even though the offenders may have had horrific childhoods. A line must be drawn somewhere.

Second, Ms. Tedaldi can be sure that her bio kids have subconsciously filed away what happened, and that this will affect them (and her) profoundly someday. (They will be the ones deciding whether to care for her or commit her when she becomes "unmanageable" for them someday.)

metakid said...

I think we should be questioning those who allowed the adoption to take place - and for the return to happen. What's the "return" policy? Saw this video which does a pretty good summary on what people are saying. I thought the part that said the following made a lot of sense. “Biological moms don't get to hand back their unsatisfactory children; why should adoptive ones? Then again, we make "forever" vows about marriage too, and so many of us divorce... but in that case, one of the parties isn't a helpless minor we've agreed to parent.”

Anonymous said...

Please stop beating up on Anita. Some of you are judging her very harshly. The comment about her inability to bond with the child being racially motivated was very unfair. It's just one big pig pile but none of the haters has stopped to think that she made a difficult decision that was ultimately in the best interest of the child.
There are other adoptive parents out there right now who are wrestling with the decision of whether to disrupt. These kind of hateful comments are making things even harder for them than they already are. Not everyone who disrupts is a monster; some are good people who tried their hardest and were unsuccessful. Please try to be understanding. In Anita's case what's done is done. Criticizing her serves no good purpose.

Deana said...

Wow Sophia...are those the only 2 options? Send him back or keep him and abuse him?

No one is guaranteed a perfect child or a perfect family fit by birth or adoption. A PARENT sticks with it, through thick and thin.

What appalls me the most is that her giving the child up (again) just goes on to compound any attachment problems he may have had.

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Anonymous said...

As the sister of an adopted child and a mother of one contemplating adoption myself, I think Anita was very brave to share her story. My little sister was given back to the foster care system by a family just days before they were about to sign adoption papers. Even if they'd already signed those papers, I thank God every day that they did. Yes, my sister had more issues when she came to us because of it. However, we are the family she was meant to be with. I try to imagine what her life would have been like if she had stayed with that family that, in their deepest heart of hearts, didn't really want her. Now she is with a family that loves her to pieces.

Anita's story has confirmed what I already knew deep down, that as much as you might want to believe you can adopt any child, and with hard work and love it will turn out for the best, in reality it doesn't always happen that way in every single case. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely applaud any family who sticks with it and sees it through. That is an incredible choice. But I think knowing when to let go for the sake of the child and the family is also a brave choice, as long as you know the child has another loving family to go to. It is just as brave as any mother who gives up her biological child for adoption, knowing she will not be the best parent for the child.

I believe Anita shared her story with the intention of helping to comfort others who might have experienced the guilt and pain of a similar situation. The previous piece she posted most likely came from a time when she was desperately trying to convince herself she could never give up her son. People do this all the time, like closeted homosexuals who condemn open homosexuals because they cannot deal with their own feelings.

When we condemn others for their mistakes we become truly blind to the frailty within ourselves. I want to thank Anita for her honesty. I found it truly eye-opening.

Judgementwrath said...

Most of you are bitter cows looking to demonize someone to make yourselves feel better. Shame on you. Anita was merely relating her experience and that she found out she cannot be the ideal all people strive to be. She doesn't need to provide examples or reasons she just needs to express her feelings which she did. Her experience is her own. No amount of your thoughts can change how SHE feels.

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Translate Ever Lovely

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

bridal updos

Here is some inspiration for bridal updos. I am going to be a bridesmaid in about two weeks and the bride said "soft waves in an updo or partly up". Although my a hair is naturally curly I think I am going to use hot rollers.

Janine said...

I hope you have a lot of fun on this day.
This updos look wonderful.
Sometimes I am looking for some , lets say "Hair- tutorials" on youtube.
I think they are quiet helpful.

Dandy said...

Love these dos... if only I had hair long enough!

Related Posts with Thumbnails


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Home » 2012 » January

Archive for January, 2012

How “Choose to Live!” Came To Be Written

It’s January the 17th, the 5th anniversary of my son Daniel’s death.  He took his own life at the age of 17. It was a nightmare when the police came to the door and told me the news.  It’s one of those things which you cannot accept, and yet you have to.  It’s a ripping [...]


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Sunday, August 19, 2012

Chris is officially a Cop!

Family picture outside!Me and the Best husband ever!!!

 Chris receiving his award!

"Hi everyone!"

Chris officially graduated from the Police Academy on Friday August 17th and he is now working as an officer at the Utah County State Prison. TOday he was late coming home cause he was working with Swat trying to find some drugs that inmates tried smuggling in! Crazy! I DO like hearing the stories but i also enjoy having my husband home for dinner! haha
The kids are growing up so much, as you can see from the pics!

Monday, August 13, 2012

 Mckenna ready for Church!
 "Hey everyone"
 Trying to blow herself up with the air pump!
Landon, Mckenna and their friends on saturday~

Monday, August 6, 2012

Mckenna and Daddy relaxing together!
 She finished up that popcicle in like 5 minutes. haha

Landon and Grandma Astle on her birthday!

 mmm, eating cake on grandma Astle's birthday!
Landon and mommy jumping on the trampoline onthe 4th of July!
Chris and Mckenna on the 4th of July!
Mckenna playing with Sienna!

 Me and my two favorite kiddos!
 Me and Chris! :)
Landon enjoying the slide at the pool!

Fun times this summer!

 We love family get togethers!

Brothes and Landon
Mckenna and Mommy playing in the yard
 Mckenna didnt wanna wait for a "cooked" hotdog so she took raw ones in EACH HAND!

Manti Temple Pagent with the kiddos!
 Playing cards up at the Cabin

 Riding 4 wheelers up at the Cabin!

Mckenna and Andi playing up at the cabin!

Landons first day of Soccer

Landon enjoying Em's classroom!
At the SLC Bees Baseball game taking the kids on the train ride!

Me and My Mckenna girl at the pool

 All smiles at the pool!

 Landon enjoying "Seven Peaks"

Mckenna and Mommy enjoying the sun in the water

 Daddy and Mckenna girl!
 Landon on the Dinosaur~
Mckenna on the Dinosaur!

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Summer Fun 2012 with some of our friends :)

 Mckenna layin down on the ground...first day I put her hair in pigtails!
 Hello :)
 Playin T-ball like her big brother Landon!
 Tryin to Ride Landons little 2 wheeler bike that he got when he was her age!
 Givin Mama kisses. Ah, she loves me!

 On our way to our camping trip!
 Oh goodness....He's so scary!
 Chris with the kids on our hike!
 Landon and Rayden stopped for a rest on our hike!
 Headin up the mountain on our hike!
 The Beautiful Utah Scenery! It was 90 degrees with snow on the mountain. Crazy!
 Alex, Gentri, Rayden, Em, and Sam
 Mckenna stopped for a drink. Notice the says, "I'll just ask Daddy". She knows he'll give her anything she want too and uses it to her advantage. Smart girl! :)
 Landon playin in the water!
 Mckenna always wanting her daddy!
 Our group!
 Our family almost to the top of Silver Lake in AF Canyon!
 He's my pyro kid. He thinks he knows how to work matches...haha
 Mckenna enjoying our camping!
 Relaxin next to dad around the fire!
 Group of us at night around the fire!
 We also took another 5 mile hike through Timpanogas Cave!
 Landon lookin up at some Bats...
Group of us at the Bees game!
Meg, Me and Brindy at the bees game!
 Me layin out in the yard!
 Landon sportin his sunglasses~
Landon playin in the pool with his new best friend Braden!


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Glen Guyton called to serve as next Executive Director of Mennonite Church USA

Posted on

(Mennonite Church USA) – The MC USA Executive Board (EB) announced that Glen Guyton will serve as the new executive director of MC USA. He will begin a three-year term on May 1, 2018.

The Executive Director Search Committee recommended Guyton to the EB in a video conference call on February 6, 2018. Based on the search committee’s recommendation, the EB voted unanimously to hire Guyton to lead the church forward.

“We believe that Glen is called at this time and place to lead MC USA,” said Joy Sutter, chair of the search committee. “We are impressed by Glen’s love for the church, his vision and passion for the future, his commitment to anti-racism, his excellent skills in communication, his business acumen and the hope he holds for the future of the denomination. His gifts in administration and vision, and his broad respect throughout the church, will serve us well.”

Read more HERE


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Posts Tagged with 'artisans-asylum-2'

Digital to Physical: Orbital spiral generative art

Very recently I took an old piece of generative art called "orbital spiral" and brought it into volumetric physical form through the use of canvas and printing. The result is attached below.

orbitalspiral_small.jpg Read more »

3-Doodler (i.e. the 3-D printing pen) tear down

Last Friday, I had a rare occurrence of a filament jam with my 3-Doodler. I suspect it was in part to my switching from PLA to ABS which caused the issue. The filament refused to eject from the pen, so I decided to pop the screws and see the guts of the 3-Doodler.

Below are some pics I snapped while getting out the offending stuck material: Read more »

3-D Laser Scanning -- Analog to Digital

1st Test Scan
This past week I finally got my NextEngine 3-D laser scanner up and running.

Here's my first scan; an unfinished resin based face constructed by fantasy artist, Jake Waldron: Read more »

What is Artisan's Asylum? The Economist comes closest to describing it ...

What is Artisan's Asylum? This The Economist video comes closest to describing it, so far.

Read more »

EL Pinwheel star headed to Burning Man?

I came to the conclusion that my EL Pinwheel side project was collecting dust, so I gave an Artisan's Asylum burner the star, and some extra AA's to have some fun with it. I hope to possibly see this wind up in the background shot or a video of some playa action, but I doubt it will make it back into my hands in one piece. :)

EL pinwheel
EL pinwheel star headed to that thing in the desert?


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C.I.A Services, Inc.
Systems. Structure. Stewards.
Professional Community Association Management Since 1984
White Oak Ranch Subdivision Homeowners Association is another extraordinary community managed by C.I.A. Services
pay assessments
White Oak Ranch Subdivision Homeowners Association

Online Payments

Credit/Debit Card or eCheck. You may pay your community assessments online with a major credit/debit card (Visa, MasterCard, American Express and Discover) or via eCheck. This service is provided by Mutual of Omaha Bank, through their secure website. This gives you the chance to pay your assessments quickly and easily without the hassle and expense of writing checks and using postage. In addition, you may even be able to benefit from sky miles or bonus points offered by your credit/debit card company.

Scheduled Payments. You can make a single payment or schedule multiple payments. Scheduling payments is useful where you have monthly assessments or if you are on a payment plan. You control the start date, number of payments, day of the month and amount. You can make changes at any time and see a history of your activity. You will need to register with a user ID and password to setup and control scheduled payments. For a single payment, registration is optional.

Please Note: Scheduling multiple payments via Mutual of Omaha Bank does not constitute an official payment plan with your association. You must contact our office to request an approved payment plan before scheduling multiple payments via Mutual of Omaha Bank.

Required Information. In order to pay online, you will need a coupon from your assessment statement with the information shown below. If you do not have a coupon handy, you can call C.I.A. Services during normal business hours and we will be happy to provide you with that information plus your current balance.

Payment instructions

1. Management Company ID (always 3018)
2. Association ID (4 characters - you can skip leading zeros)
3. Property Account Number (8 characters - you can skip leading zeros)

Payment Confirmation. Once all information has been submitted, you will receive an email confirming Mutual of Omaha Bank has received your request to make a payment.

Convenience Fee. Mutual of Omaha Bank collects a $14.95 convenience fee for all credit/debit card transactions. The amount of this fee is determined by Mutual of Omaha. C.I.A. Services and your Association have no authority to set the fee amount and cannot waive, decrease, or amend the fee in any way. In order to avoid paying the convenience fee, you are encouraged to take advantage of paying by eCheck which is a free service.

Clearing Time. In most cases, your payment is charged to your credit/debit card or deducted from your bank account within one business day after you are sent the confirming email. The funds are placed in your association’s bank account (less any convenience fee) within two business days of that confirmation. Your account at C.I.A. Services is credited within three business days of that confirmation. In order to avoid interest and late fees, please initiate your online payment at least five calendar days in advance.

Rejected Payments. If your online payment is not honored for any reason (stop payment, account overdrawn, etc.), the rejected payment will be handled like a returned check and standard returned item fees will be applied.

Privacy. Your transaction will be processed over a secure website provided by Mutual of Omaha Bank. The information you provide will be used for no purpose other than to process your credit/debit card transaction. Your credit/debit card or checking account information will not be available to C.I.A. Services or your association. The payment you authorize will be electronically transferred into your association’s bank account. Further information is provided in the Privacy Policy and Security Statement on the bank’s online payment page.

Pay by Credit Card
Pay by Credit Card

Our Management

This community employs a full service management company, C.I.A. Services, Inc., to provide professional community association needs. They handle all aspects of budgeting and financial management, watch over the facilities and contractors, deed restrictions, interpersonal relationships among neighbors and more. They train our key personnel and board members. Learn more about their capablilies and their responsibilities to us:

C.I.A. Services home page »

About C.I.A. Services »
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Our Community Manager is
Jennifer Northington - CMCA, AMS, 713-981-9000, or send an email.

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Tag: Heating Contractor

Hiring The Heating Contractor

There is nothing more fulfilling than staying in a comfortable home with full of fresh air. It is not just healthy for your family, but even to the guests who wish to come around. Nowadays, much has changed especially now that there are many pollutants in the air.  According to the recent studies it has been proven than close to 200% of the pollutants in the air are just indoors! It is so unfortunate that we breathe them all the time and of course the consequences that come with this are fatal.  It is for such reasons that home owners need to be extra careful with the heating equipment as well.

For the general comfort and safety of the home, there is need to have these equipment in good order all the time to avoid the problems of overheating or cooling within the room.  A heating system contractor is all useful at the doorstep of every home.  The duct cleaning process only needs to be done by a team of experts that will enable you smile at the end of their service.  The ducts have to be cleaned thoroughly and of course sterilized for a healthy living within your home.

There are a whole range of duties that can be done with the heating contractors.  When winter is approaching, a good number of homeowners have all the reasons to worry as they are not sure whether their equipment is in good condition to bring home all the comfort.  It is therefore much better to hire a contractor in good time to ensure no problems arise at the end of it all. Servicing will usually reduce the problems that come with heating.  Whether it is a large or small repair, they are useful as they will enable you have a comfortable living in your home.  Before getting a heating contractor, it is needful to do a survey and get the right one that will give the best services.  Well, it’s not easy to screen the best from the rest not unless you have a well calculated strategy. Do an online survey and go through the referrals from previous clients after which you can make a decision and land on the ideal contractor.

Once you have hired the contractor, it is important to let him know the problems occurring on your heating system. For instance, could it be an overheating, an irritating sound, partial heat or simply a thermostat. The heating contractor will work on the problem effectively depending on how you have explained the problem. It therefore leaves every homeowner with the responsibility of ensuring that he takes close attention of the equipment.  This will enable you to save a great deal the long run.

For More Details: HVAC phone number


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Search the Cinema Head Cheese Archives!

February 11, 2015

Movie Review: Crystal Lake Memories: The Complete History of Friday the 13th (2013)

My favorite slasher franchise has always been Friday the 13th. For me, it started with seeing Parts 2 and 3 late at night on channel 32 in Chicago. Jason was terrifying, and the kills were gory. I really liked the character, and I eventually became a fan of the entire series. Crystal Lake Memories is an extensive documentary that focuses on every film in the franchise. They start it off right by having a campfire surrounded by young people. At the center is series alum Corey Feldman telling the tale of Camp Crystal Lake. Feldman narrates the documentary, which starts off just before the creation of the iconic first film.

The beginnings of the story are very interesting. Sean Cunningham flat out admits that he took the idea from Halloween. I thought that was great, but he didn't steal the masked killer idea. Instead, he took the shell of a slasher film and made the killer someone you could sympathize with. Yes, I'm talking about Pamela Voorhees, whose first name we don't even learn until it's written on a headstone in the fourth movie, but let's take a quick sidestep to compare Jason to Michael. Michael was evil from minute one. Cold blooded killers get no sympathy, and they shouldn't. Jason was a scared kid who drowned because of the negligence of some camp counselors. You feel for him, and you definitely feel for Pamela. Try to stop me from going on a murderous rampage if anything happens to my kid. Go ahead, try.

That's kind of the point, though. You should feel for poor Mrs. Voorhees. She lost her son. Nobody should have to deal with that. If it causes you to lose your mind, there isn't a person alive who would blame you. Sure, a killing spree might be extreme, especially when the victims aren't the people to blame, but I'm sure it's not an unreasonable scenario.

I'll happily point out the millions of continuity or mythology errors in this series, and lucky for you, so will the cast and crew. I love the attempt to explain how a boat got from Crystal Lake, which is in New Jersey, out to New York City. Hell, getting Jason into the picture as a fully grown adult is crazy enough, but I'm sure glad they figured it out.

Crystal Lake Memories breaks down each film in depth. The doc also looks at the Jason-free television show, Freddy vs. Jason, the reboot and the comic book series Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash, which was supposed to be the FvJ sequel. You trek through the trials and tribulations faced by the different directors and cast members. You follow every actor that played Jason, including fan favorite Kane Hodder. Jason's dad gets a mention and a bit of an explanation. My favorite thing had to be the array of actors who regretted turning down sequels.

Though many cast members were interviewed, there were a few people obviously missing. The series did tear through some well-known people. Some of the more notable and recognizable actors in the films include: Kevin Bacon, Miguel Nunez, Crispin Glover, Shavar Ross (Dudley from Diff'rent Strokes), Ron Palillo, Tony Goldwyn, Alan Blumenfeld, Ann Ryerson,Terry Kaiser and Erin Grey.

If you are a Friday the 13th fan, this is a no-brainer. If you are a horror fan, watch this documentary. Yes, it's long, but with the amount of work put in, it is worth every minute. I'll be honest, it actually made me want to sit down and watch the reboot. I know, it's crazy. I refused to watch it until now, but to complete the run, I'll have to do it. Crystal Lake Memories is brilliant. Go get it now.

1 comment:

  1. Plus you get a very informative commentary to add to it and a 3rd DVD if you ordered it before or within the first month of release


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Thursday, 1 September 2011

Happy Vinayaka Chavithi : Chakkara Pongali

Wish you all Happy Vinayaka Chavithi !!

Back home in India, they used to put a big Ganesh Idol in the temple premises in our colony. I used to go there along with my friends after school to have prasadam :-) Most of the days, they used to give chakkar pongal as prasadam. It used to taste divine with light karpuram(camphor) flavor.

I have always make Pal pongal for all the festive occasions. Today I tried Chakkar Pongal, as mom is here to guide me :-)

What you need :

Rice : 1 cup
Moong Dal / Pesara pappu : 1/2 cup
Jaggery / Bellam : 1 cup (grated)
Sugar : 1 cup
Ghee / Clarified Butter : 1 cup + 2 Tbsp
Water : 3 cups (See Notes)
Pacha Karpooram (Edible Camphor) : less than a pinch (See Notes)
Cashews : to garnish (roasted in a tsp of ghee)

  1. Heat 2 Tbsp of Ghee in a large deep pot or a pressure cooker.
  2. Add Moong dal, and fry for a min, till emits nice aroma and turns to light brown color.
  3. Add Rice, and water.
  4. Cook till done, stirring in between to avoid burning.
  5. Simultaneously, in a medium sized pan, melt sugar, jaggery in half cup water. Strain to remove any impurities.
  6. Turn the heat of the Rice and dal mixture to low, and add the syrup. Mix well.
  7. Add ghee and cashews.
  8. Now add karpooram and mix well.
  9. Serve hot or cold.

Mom's Tips :
  1. Instead of 3 cups of water, you can use 2 cups water and 1 cup milk.
  2. Quantity of Sugar and be increased or decreased according to taste.
  3. Do not hesitate while adding ghee :-) The more you add, the tastier it will be :-)
  4. If you do not have edible camphor, add powdered cardamom.
  5. You can even add Raisins or pieces of dry coconut (roasted in ghee) to garnish.

munchmunchcrunchcrunch said...

yummy pongal...lovely click

Spandana said...

@MMCC Thank You!!

Sharmilee! :) said...

Yummy looking chakara pongal

Priya said...

Cute presentation..simply inviting..

Sireesha said...

yummy yummy chakkara pongali... my fav sweet...

kankana said...

They look so tasty and i can't take my eyes off the matkas.. such lovely props !

Hamaree Rasoi said...

Came here through my friend's blog. And really enjoying going through your previous posts. Your chicken 65 is tempting me to try it right now !! Superb collection of recipes with equally very nice pictures.
This pongal looks inviting

Hamaree Rasoi

Sanjeeta kk said...

Oh..those pots are so cute..and lovely presentation!

Now Serving said...

what a pretty post with all those rangolied mudkas - Lovely!

Tadka Pasta said...

The pongal looks beautiful, so festive and inviting!

Pavithra said...

Lovely post with lovely pictures...

Sayantani said...

you have one beautiful blog. the pongali looks wonderful Spandana.

Anonymous said...

very useful really good information thanks for posting such a good information it will hepls the people a lot keep it up , Regards,
chakkara pongal recipe


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An Obsessive and Frightening Zeal

Gov. Susana Martinez

By Tracy Dingmann

As the 60-day legislative session winds to a close and Gov. Susana Martinez completes her first few months in office, the people of New Mexico still lack a coherent plan from the executive-in-chief to generate jobs and stimulate the economy.

What New Mexicans DO have from Gov. Martinez is a solid, three-point plan to persecute undocumented immigrants.

She’s been working overtime on that.

Today’s Albuquerque Journal detailed the Governor’s plan to give Secretary of State Dianna Duran a list of New Mexico driver’s licenses issued to foreign nationals so they can be cross-checked against the state’s voter registration rolls.

Continue reading


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Lemon Law Kentucky

You Pay Nothing. Period.

Both the Kentucky Lemon Law and the Federal Lemon Law require the manufacturer to pay all attorney’s fees. The Lemon Law Attorneys at Clagett & Barnett will provide a FREE Review of your car’s repair history, and if we determine that the repairs on your vehicle entitle you to help, we will provide assistance at zero cost to you. Our Lemon Law attorneys are here to help you recover what you deserve and will never bill you for anything…ever! The attorneys at Clagett & Barnett have as much on the line as you do in the results of your case.

The Lemon Law in Kentucky

The good news for Kentucky vehicle owners is that you have more than one option to recover damages if you have purchased a defective vehicle.
The Kentucky Lemon Law provides consumers a very effective remedy if their vehicle cannot be repaired. The limitation with the Kentucky Lemon Law is that in order to meet its requirements the problems with your vehicle must take place very early on – within the first year of ownership or within 12,000 miles, whichever occurs first. The reality for most consumers is that their vehicle’s problems will most likely take longer to unfold.
Therefore, it is the Federal Lemon Law, known as the Magnuson-Moss Warranty Act, which provides the greatest amount of protection to Kentucky vehicle owners. This law simply states that if the manufacturer attempted repeated repairs to your vehicle, at least in part during the warranty period, you may qualify for a wide range of assistance.

What Is The Reasonable Number Of Repair Attempts Before A Vehicle Is Presumed A Lemon?

Four (4) repair attempts or a total of thirty (30) days out of service to repair defects or nonconformities within the vehicles first twelve (12) months or 12,000 miles must be provided to the manufacturer, through its dealers, by the buyer or lessee according to the Lemon Law. If your vehicle meets this standard, the vehicle is then presumed to be a lemon under the law.

Even if you think your repair history does not satisfy the Kentucky Lemon Law, our attorneys can assess if your car’s repair history is sufficient to qualify you for damages under the federal Lemon Law – the Magnuson-Moss Warranty Act. So don’t rely on what others might tell you, let us evaluate your situation to ensure that you get the help you deserve.

How Can Clagett & Barnett Help You?

Our firm exists to help people with the problems they are experiencing with their vehicles. You paid a lot of money for your vehicle and should not delay in dealing with the problems you have been experiencing with your vehicle. The longer you wait, the harder it may become to resolve your lemon law case. Our experienced lemon law attorneys and staff are here to walk you through every aspect of the lemon law process and make it as easy as possible for you. Our goal, is to help you put an end to the headaches with your car.

Consult with the experienced attorneys at Clagett & Barnett and remember, the manufacturer will be responsible for all costs and attorney fees involved in bringing your lemon law claim, NOT you!

Do you think you may have a lemon?

We can help you rectify the issue!

(270) 900-0533

We have more than 30 years of experience in law and we have worked on hundreds of cases. Every case is very important.


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Tuesday, February 1, 2011

summer holiday

We're all going on a Summer Holiday ,
no more working for a week or two

are you singing along?

Fun and laughter on our Summer Holiday
No more worries for me or you
for a week or two .

Everybody has a Summer holiday
doing things they always wanted to .
So we're all going on a Summer holiday
to make our dreams come true ,

For me and yoooooouuuu !

I hope I've got you singing this annoying song and
I know it's annoying because my family
 keep running from the room .

So I'm not really heading off with Cliff Richard
but if you would like a little holiday at home
The Happy Camper pattern is in my shop right now .

Christy said...

have a fabulous time! happy summer!

Kerryanne English said...

Everyday will feel like a holiday with the Happy Camper in the room.
A beautiful cheery pattern Clare - well done.
Hugs ~ Kerryanne

faeryfay said...

Happy Camper is just gorgeous! Love it!

Mistea said...

Pretty and a nice reminder that some days are just like a summer holiday.

Posie Patchwork said...

Totally cute, love it Clare, love Posie

Shay said...

I'm adoring those fabrics! Care to share what they are?

Annie xx TheFeltFairy said...

Wow! i am loving those gorgeous, fabric packed caravans!

Have a wonderful holiday!!!

Maria said...

Love the colours of your bags clare.
Oh and now that song is in my head. LOL

wonderwoman said...

soo cute and yes, that song is now in my head!!

Helena said...

Lucky you, it´s snowing here by me in Sweden.
Love your Happy Camper!
Hava a nice holiday!

Tracee said...

So adorable, have a great time.

Cath said...

Love your new pattern - it will look great in my Mum's new campervan as she heads off into the world of grey nomads! Looking fwd to seeing what you have in store for SIT! See you soon. Cath

Ellieboo said...

they look great Clare - really bright and cheerful. And your singing...well have you ever thought of Australian Idol? :)

I just wanted to pop by and say thank you again for the lovely book and pattern you sent to me - I received it on Monday and was over the moon. I have put a little post on my blog today to say thank you officially.

Thanks, Amanda xxx

Tania said...

There is no way knowing, that at 11.24pm, I am going to start singing along to that. I refuse to spend the night with Cliff in my head. But I love your Camper.

Michelle said...

Ooooo i have been making caravan and cars lately too...makes you feel more summery....yes summery is a word :)

Quiltin' Sandy said...

They are so pretty Clare, especially the pink/green one- just fab!!! :)

Cat from Raspberry Rainbow said...

Wow, I love your Happy Camper, so cute. Great choice of fabrics.

Jo said...

Love this pattern - perfect for my vintage caravan!

Rachel said...

Love it looks super cute!

The Clip Cafe said...

That is awesome!