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 Why Do We Wake Up? « JO LEE MAGAZINE

Why Do We Wake Up?

By Ann Feg, MD

So why do we have to sleep, anyway? How much sleep do we need? Do we sleep differently as we get older? Do sleeping pills really help? What are dreams made of and why do we have nightmares? Why do we wake up, makes much more sense than the question, why do we sleep?

Why do we sleep?

Indeed, the question “Why do we wake up” makes much more sense than the question “Why do we sleep”!

“Why do we wake up” is an easily answerable question.

The body’s metabolic system shifts into the catabolic phase. The body’s cells are tearing themselves down in support of the body’s need for energy to be mobile, to obtain food and to procreate. Being awake, however, is a very destructive metabolic phase, something that the body can only tolerate for a matter of several hours, after which the body must revert to its ‘default’ mode. Sleep – the anabolic phase when damage is repaired, growth can take place and the body’s heightened immune defenses intensify their battle against the foreign organisms and viruses that have invaded the animal. For current research and excellent reading on the topic and importance of sleep, read Reuben Naiman’s book, The Healing Night.

Why do we need to sleep, anyway? The truth is, researchers don’t know why we have to sleep, although they have pots of theories.

One of the biggest complaints that doctors hear is insomnia. A recent poll by the National Science Foundation found that only 50% of Americans get a good night’s sleep a few nights each week.

Obviously, sleep rests the body, but in a different way than watching TV. The body grows and heals during sleep. The body’s metabolic system shifts into an anabolic phase of the metabolic cycle. Growth, healing and muscle building all take place when the body is in its anabolic phase – sleeping. The body’s immune system functions much better when we sleep. One leading theory says that enzyme balances cause states of wakefulness and sleep. For part of the night, the brain idles in an energy-conserving state called slow-wave sleep. Freed from the duties of consciousness, mobility which, metabolically speaking are destructive, the catabolic phase of metabolism, the body’s cells can focus on growth, healing and strengthening the immune system.

A good night’s sleep triggers changes in the brain that help to improve learning and memory. This explains why children, and especially infants, sleep so much more than adults. It may also be why people recovering from strokes sleep for long periods of time. Sleep researcher Matthew Walker says, ‘a period of sleep could help people improve their performance of ‘memory tasks,’ such as playing piano scales. If you’re trying to learn something difficult, like math or a foreign language, it doesn’t help to stay up late and study. You need sleep so your memory can retain the information it’s been exposed to. We didn’t know exactly how or why this was happening {but} by using an MRI {magnetic resonance imaging}, we can actually see which parts of the brain are active and which are inactive.

The MRI scans are showing us that brain regions shift dramatically during sleep. When you’re asleep, it seems as though you are shifting memory to more efficient storage regions within the brain. Consequently, when you awaken, memory tasks can be performed both more quickly and accurately and with less stress and anxiety.’

It has been suggested that sleep may well be the ‘default’ mode of life itself and that being awake is little more than a daily period of heightened awareness of one’s surroundings which is especially suited to doing things like finding food and reproducing.

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How to Buy a Vintage VW Beetle

Here’s a handy video by my pal Chris Vallone of Classic VW Bugs in NY. He talks about what to look for when purchasing a vintage VW Beetle.

Happy Friday.

The Finishing Touches for Your Vintage Volkswagen™
The Finishing Touches for Your Vintage Volkswagen™

Posted by Eric Shoemaker

Hello, I'm Eric. I started I also own Lane Russell, a leading supplier of VW parts for your classic Volkswagen restoration. I drive a '67 Beetle daily and love to share vintage Volkswagen stories with the world.

  1. Can you get aluminium body parts in the USA as I am struggling to find any in the UK. Just want my Beetle to out see me.

    Thanks for the greta video, most helpful

    1. Thanks for reading. What exactly are you looking for? Let me know and I can try to help more.

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  • Department Name: Baby
  • Item Type: Sets
  • Fabric Type: Terry
  • Style: Fashion
  • Gender: Unisex
  • Model Number: Minikidhouse
  • Closure Type: Zipper
  • Fit: Fits larger than usual. Please check this store's sizing info
  • Collar: V-Neck
  • Sleeve Style: Regular
  • Outerwear Type: Coat
  • Sleeve Length: Full
  • Material: Cotton
  • Material Composition: Cotton
  • Pattern Type: Plaid
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Product name:Baby Girls Boys Spring Suits

1 Package=Coats+Pants

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Free shipping by China post parcel, but you can choose EMS, DHL, TNT, UPS, federal, but need to pay shipping costs!
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You can track your parcel on the following website using your tracking number:  (Copied to the browser to open)
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If your purchase protection time is running out, please contact us and we can help you to extend it. So your money will not go to my account.
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Felipe Pantone

Felipe Pantone is an Argentinian-born artist, active in the fields of kinetic art, installations, graffiti and design. His style is characterized by the use of bold colors, geometrical patterns and Op Art elements. Straddling conventional graffiti, typography and abstraction, his work fuses bold elements of graphic design with highly evolved geometric shapes to create an ultra-modern aesthetic which complements and reacts with the stark modernity of our cityscapes.

Although he was born in Buenos Aires in Argentina, Felipe Pantone moved to Spain with his family in early childhood years. There, in a small town in the southeast of Spain, Pantone discovered graffiti and painted his first piece at the age of 12. After this initial contact, the artist was drawn into the “art sphere” and hasn’t stopped making art ever since. Felipe spent a year in England studying art, but soon found the courses pointless and abandoned it, determined to explore art through practice and personal journey. Years later, Pantone settled in the city of Valencia, where he played a role in the foundation of the notorious D.O.C.S team, famous for their interesting experiments with the letters and symbols. At the same time, Felipe kept developing his unique avant-garde graffiti style, which led him to become a member of the legendary European crew Ultra Boyz. Pantone listed artists such as José María Yturralde, Frédéric Platéus, Herb Lubalin, Sozyone Gonzalez, Steven Powers, and Demsky as his great influences.


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The public IP address is located in Montreal, Quebec, Canada. It is assigned to the ISP Rogers Wireless. The address belongs to ASN 812 which is delegated to Rogers Communications Canada Inc.
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Reverse IP (PTR)none
ASN812 (Rogers Communications Canada Inc.)
ISP / OrganizationRogers Wireless
IP Connection TypeCellular [internet speed test]
IP LocationMontreal, Quebec, Canada
IP ContinentNorth America
IP CountryCanada (CA)
IP StateQuebec (QC)
IP CityMontreal
IP PostcodeH3S
IP Latitude45.5063 / 45°30′22″ N
IP Longitude-73.6297 / 73°37′46″ W
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IANA IPv4 Address Space Allocation for Subnet

IPv4 Address Space Prefix024/8
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CIDR Notation24.114.95.223/32
Decimal Notation410148831
Hexadecimal Notation0x18725fdf
Octal Notation03034457737
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Oxford Stadard Sham @ Home Visions online store

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Oxford Stadard Sham

A classic collegiate mix of plaids and stripes. Comforter reverses from stripes with plaid cording and channel quilting, to all plaid. Polyester/cotton. Comforter has polyester fill. Machine washable. USA.
SKU: 0120AM
Category: Kids Room: Boys Bedding

MailMaster Timberline Plus

This mailbox has a distinctive wood-like design in earthy colors that can add a rustic look to any home. A maintenance-free resin construction is durable and resists vandals. Some features include a molded-in newspaper tube with rear flap, front and rear doors for safe mail retrieval, mounts easily to 4 x 4 post (not included) and includes address numbers, mounting hardware and post cover. Minimal assembly required. 11inW x 24inL x 53inH. Made in USA.
SKU: 543600SZ
Category: Outdoor Living: Address Markers and Mail Boxes

Solieil Petit Wall Sculpture

Midsized convex flame-treated copper circle is crowned with wavy copper finished rays to produce this stylized sun. The copper finish suggests a radiating warmth. Perfect for the living room or bedroom. 30inW x 3inD x 30inH. Ready to hang. Imported.
SKU: 210577HX
Category: Wall Art: Wall Sculptures

Chenille Futon Cover and Pillow Set

Decorate with texture. Upholstery-weight chenille set includes a full-size, solid color slipcover-style cover and two 17in square, patterned accent pillows. Fabric content varies by pattern. Spot clean with mild soap and water. USA.
Category: Furniture: Futons

Rebecca Set of 2 Toss Pillows, 18in Square

This beautiful 5 piece daybed set includes a generously sized comforter, 3 standard size tailored pillow shams and a coordinating 14in dust ruffle. The cotton/polyester blend fabric has tones of blue, pink, yellow, green and raspberry on a white background. The comforter is filled with dense polyester foam. Coordinating curtains and toss pillows complete the look. Machine wash. USA.
Category: Fashion Bedding: Daybed Sets

Glass Door Bookcase, Oak

Achieve coordinated efficiency and enjoy the style of fine furnishings in your home office, library or den. Hardwood bookcase has two storage compartments, with your choice of glass or wood fronts. Comes with hardwood hardware and removable bun feet. The glass-front model makes a splendid display case for fine collectibles. 32-3/4inW x 11-3/4inD x 31inH. We have stacked a glass door unit on top of a wood door unit. Assembly is required. Imported.
SKU: 2718PP
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Day #307: Your Future Is All On You!

If you want it to happen, you need to get off your butt up and make it happen. If you want it to happen you need to get out there and tread your own path. Your future is on you. You will be the one making it. You will be the one defining it. Get out there and make it happen.

Wake up today and with the intention to prove the world that you are the capable person you are. Wake up today with the willpower to create the person you wish to be in the future. Whether it will be 5 years, in 10 years and in 20 years. Don’t wait for tomorrow, don’t wait for the right time – as there is never a right time, but the time you have now.

Dale Partridge of & posted a small motivational message this morning which when reading makes you think and question what are you really doing with your life.

The person you’ll be in 2020 is based on the books you read and the people you follow today. – Dale Partridge

He further goes on to say:

WAKE UP. Nobody intends to have a mediocre life. It’s the end of 2015. Are you where you expected to be 5 years ago? Stop following meaningless accounts on social media. Stop dreaming about how your life could be, would be, or should be. Stop being so busy that you lose the time to learn. Remember, an average life is just a series of average choices. Here’s my advice on breaking free. Read these 3 bestselling books in the next 30 days: 1. How To Win Friends And Influence People 2. Essentialism 3. People Over ProfitToday is a chance for you to get your life on track.

This got me thinking and to the point that what if you don’t read any books? How will this define you in 2020? He isn’t trying to say that if you don’t read you will be a nobody – but more so the influence you follow now will most likely be the core essence of the person you are in 2020 and who you are and what you do. If this is true, you need to ask yourself… How do you want to be in 2020? What will it look like? At the end of the day you are the one in control – so don’t just spend the next 5 years and blame it on books… You need to take action, you need to create the awesomeness you are and are to be – but the books will help you get there!

If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way. If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse. — Jim Rohn

Day #306: Just Remember How Far You’ve Come

Maybe you doubt yourself? Maybe you lack the motivation? Maybe it all seems too hard.

Can I remind you that life is a learning curve. Just remember we don’t need to be perfect. We don’t need to live free from mistakes. If you are determined to improve yourself and to become better, then you are already halfway there. You may not be happy with your career, your relationships, with who you are, but you still have the chance and the opportunity to have a brighter future. If you are doing all you can to become better, then maybe you’re doing better than you think you are.

Maybe you won’t have a better day today than yesterday, or maybe you will. However doing everything and anything you can do work towards making your day a success and better than yesterday should be your priority.  We’ve all climbed mountains we thought we’d never surpass. We’ve been confronted with challenges that have tested us on so many levels.Yet, here we are, still standing. If you’ve fallen down and picked yourself up, recognize the amount of strength that it took. Acknowledge that you’ve overcome so many adversities you once thought you couldn’t and how you’re so much stronger than you knew. Remember how far you’ve come!

Take a step back and just reflect on the progress you have made. You may not be the best at a specific skill but you’re trying your best. You’ve made improvements and that’s what’s important. Don’t spend time comparing yourself to others – you are your own unique person with your own unique skills and talents. Compare yourself to the progress you have made. If you’re making consistent progress, then give yourself a pat on the back, because you’re already heading in the right direction and that’s what matters.

“The big secret in life is that there is no big secret. Whatever your goal, you can get there if you’re willing to work.” ~ Oprah Winfrey

Day #305: Empower Yourself For Monday

Another massive Monday is here and it is up to you to conquer it. How do you empower yourself? Instead of letting doubts, worries, and fears about what might happen creep into your day, look for ways to make your day sparkle. Be positive about the fabulous things that lie ahead. You don’t know what those things might be, but that’s okay. You’ll move forward with excitement and courage.

Understand that life consists of hill and valley cycles. This doesn’t mean that you react positively to good days and feel down-in-the-dumps on the not-so-good days. It means being optimistic that the good day ahead will carry you through the very difficult days, without suffering excess stress. Those negative thoughts that harbor unhelpful beliefs only hold you back from achieving. So monitor your thoughts. When you’re aware that they are negative, change them immediately into positive thoughts. You’ll be amazed at how much happier and confident you’ll feel.

If you are feeling anxious – Remember that when you’re calm, you are in control. You’ll think through the problem with more clarity. Make time to listen to relaxing music, or sit quietly and visualize a place where you’ve been that evokes calm and contentment. It will help you focus on what’s really important.  Remember, you need to be the one to empower.

The crucial thing is not what actually happens as you travel through life (in this case Monday), but how you respond to what happens.

“The block of granite which was an obstacle in the pathway of the weak, became a stepping-stone in the pathway of the strong.”  Thomas Carlyle

Day #304: Having A Vision Bigger Than Yourself

When it comes to shooting for the stars and making it to the top of your climb (your journey to success). It all comes down to your expectations and the vision you have. What is it you dream of? What is it that you imagine being or doing when you are the top? Do you have an idea or an expectation? I understand when it comes to success people can tend to think all about themselves and what they are doing – but what if having success or being successful is greater than that.

It’s all about having a vision outside yourself.

It all starts with this first step.

Without a bigger vision and purpose that is greater than yourself, you’ll quit at the initial stages of difficulty, as you will inevitably be knocked down. In contrast, when you’re achieving something for a purpose outside of yourself, the pressure of accountability alone will push you further than a purpose that is self-centered.

For example, if you’re learning a language in order to have a deeper connection with your life partner, you’re much more likely to persist because your relationship is on the line.

Or, if you’re trying to lose weight, think about how confident, joyful, and happy you will feel. But more importantly, think about how that will affect the loved ones around you.

Shifting from a self-centered goal to a bigger purpose that affects those you love helps you focus on what you will get out of it, instead of how hard it is.

Inside you is a giant, a bigger and better version of you. Most people accept a vision of themselves that is simply too small by conforming to the smaller visions of those around them. Becoming the best you requires having a bigger vision of who you are and of what you are capable.

“The greatest danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it.” – Michelangelo

Day #303: How To Be Persistent – Avoid Quitting Again

Most of us are great at setting goals, but not at achieving them. What did you set out to do this year and have not? Be real with yourself… I am sure you have done plenty, but did you do all that you had planned? Why not?

Whether it’s starting a new business, learning a new language, or mastering an instrument — we love to start things without finishing. One of the biggest reasons why we never achieve our goals is due to a lack of motivation and persistence.

We start out with an abundance of optimism about the journey, without being fully prepared mentally for the inevitable obstacles ahead.

As Tony Robbins says, “Success in anything is 80% psychology, and 20% mechanics.”

Here are six powerful ways to become more persistent, so you’ll never quit again.

1. Have a vision outside of yourself

It all starts with this first step.

2. Build a support team

As the popular saying goes, “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”

3. Have a growth mindset

In order to achieve our goals, we often have to get out of our own way.

4. Schedule it

The most successful people in the world, including billionaire entrepreneurs, Olympic athletes, and world-class learners, all use schedules to prioritize their day.

5. Teach Others

Have you ever taught something you learned to someone and found it easier to remember in the future?

6. Have stakes

Why are we less likely to be late to a business meeting than a meeting with our friends? Because the former could get us fired. As humans, we’re naturally more motivated to commit when there is a consequence or a stake, even if it’s a friendly one.

What’s a goal or new skill you’re trying to persist through? Which of these strategies will you use to achieve it?

Day #302: Ask Yourself 24 Questions To Identify The Real You

Everyone want’s the answers to these questions as they can help set you free… because that’s what being honest does. You no longer hide from yourself. However it can be a little painful at first, but what’s more painful is asking these questions of yourself now, or never asking them and risking never living the life you’ve always wanted to? The more you do it, the easier it becomes. They just become questions you ask yourself all the time and give true answers to.

It is time to make a choice. One that you could be proud of. One that you could tell your kids to make one day. That choice? The choice to make progress, not excuses. To pursue your dream life. To be who you really are. Isn’t now the time to be the real you? Have a go:

  • What would happen if you just went for it? –
  • Who are you? – Write down a list of what’s important to you about life
  • Who are you really? – What was important to you before other people told you what was important to you?
  • What’s your deepest, most secret desire?
  • If you knew you couldn’t fail, what’s the benefit of not beginning?
  • If not now, when?
  • Who’s permission do you need?
  • What’s stopping you?
  • Who or what is holding you back?
  • If you don’t know what you want, why on earth aren’t you trying to find out?
  • When you know what you truly want, will you actually do anything about it?
  • What’s important to you? – Make a list. Be honest with yourself.
  • What’s really important to you? – Seriously. Be honest. Otherwise, this is pointless.
  • If you wrote a list of everything that’s important to you, would you even be on it?
  • If you don’t prioritize yourself, how will you ever be happy?
  • What’s the excuse you use the most?
  • When will you stop using your excuses?
  • Do you feel good when you know you’re using excuses?
  • Will you ever get what you want if you keep making excuses?
  • Why won’t you just be honest with yourself?
  • How long can you go on doing what you’re doing? – 6 months? 1 year? 5 years? If you don’t take action and do something different, nothing will change.
  • When you’re totally honest with yourself, what will happen?
  • Do you choose comfort over happiness?
  • If any of these have resonated, are you gonna make an excuse or actually do something about it?

“Don’t worry about failures, worry about the chances you miss when you don’t even try.” – Jack Canfield

Day #301: Why Working Hard Pays Off

Working hard? Or hardly working? It isn’t luck but – better use of an opportunity. Why are there always people who seem to have more, who have something “better” or have a lifestyle which seems to be more freedom than yours? Well, essentially it is the results of hard work. The problem with society, and more importantly the media, is that we only tend to see the finished product. We see musical artists come out of nowhere, or we see a blog post go viral via a ‘lucky’ retweet; however what doesn’t get shown is all the groundwork that has been done behind the scenes leading up to this pivotal moment.

“It takes 20 years to become an overnight success” – Eddie Cantor

Whether you have noticed it already or not, individuals who tend to be blessed and luckier carry with them a unique work-ethic. You may only see the outcome of their success, but what goes on behind the scenes may make you question what it truly means to ‘work-hard’. You may have previously questioned why certain individuals seem to possess more luck than you. However, the fact is that these individuals have created each and every opportunity by following a precise process — and there is nothing stopping you from reaping these same benefits.

So how do they do it?

  • They Never Stand Still

  • They Remain Positive at All Times

  • They Aren’t Afraid to Fail

  • They Have a WHY

  • They Show Up…Every Day

Now there is a little more to it then the simplicity of the above 5 points. But these are the traits and the qualities in which the hard-working follow. If you can adopt as many of these five traits of hardworking individuals as possible, you will soon be attracting more opportunities in your daily life.

Day #300: How We Limit Ourselves Without Realising

Do you limit yourself, or are you limitless? It is natural for us to have a strong natural tendency to stay in the safe end of the pool and find ways to ignore anything that might challenge us in any way. Basically… we like to make excuses. We allow circumstances and our belief that we have no choices be our guide instead.  Forgetting that we can create happiness as much as we can create misery seems to become a way of life.  Stepping away from what we have been taught and allowing ourselves to make our own path doesn’t even seem to cross the minds of too many of us anymore.

Here are some ways we begin to limit ourselves and we don’t even realize it:

  • We go looking for failure.

  • We follow the crowd.

  • We play it safe.

  • We lack hope.

  • We stop listening to our hearts.

  • We quit.

  • We forget our “why.”

No matter our background, our education level, or our when we get started, holding ourselves back is a disservice to the rest of the world.  Our natural-born talents go untapped, un-shared, and hidden.  No one assigns our limits to us, we assign them to ourselves.  And in doing so, we can also reassign them.  Doing something out of the norm and unorthodox might upset the apple cart and many people will not understand your motives, believing that they are built on false pretenses.  True limits continue to grow after they have been met…as long as we don’t hold ourselves back from reaching our full potential.

Don’t limit yourself. Many people limit themselves to what they think they can do. You can go as far as your mind lets you. What you believe, remember, you can achieve. – Mary Kay Ash

Day #299: What Does Success Look Like?

Everyone has a different definition of success and it is important to identify your own personal definition of success in life. Whether your goal is to enrich the lives of others,  open a successful business or establish a clear goal of what you’d like to accomplish in order to feel successful. In order to lead the life that you desire, you must set your own goals and idea of success according to what you want — not what television or your parents want. This is all about you, your life, and idea of success.

Ask yourself: “What does success look like?”

“Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome.” – Booker T. Washington

Does success mean making lot of money, having a big house and a flashy car or does it mean happiness, excellent health and bringing beauty into the world? While you’re at it, you might also want to visualize the entire scene of your successful future, where you are, who is with you, what are you doing and even how are you are feeling.

Ask yourself again… What is a success to you? Is it getting up in the mornings and getting to the gym? Is it the To-Do list that you set out for yourself the day before? The purpose of defining your own success is to start living a life based on your own expectations and terms. The actions that bring you joy, a sense of accomplishment, service, and progress are where you should be investing your energy.

Regardless… if you want to be successful – Stop wasting your energy on what other people may think, or do or say, and start putting energy towards furthering yourself. You need every ounce of positive energy, encouragement, and self-esteem working for you and you alone if you want to be successful. Say no to the naysayers…even better, just ignore them and go on about your business.

The path to success usually isn’t a straight line. This is the risk. Expect to face obstacles and accept that you may fail several times along the way. The way you recover from failures will speak to your character and your ability to reach your goals. When one thing isn’t working, be willing to try something new until you succeed.

“Define success on your own term, achieve it by your own rules, and build a life you’re proud to live.” – Anne Sweeney

Day #298: You Are The Controller – Now Take Control

The only person who is going to make take control, be the controller and make your day ultimately the best day it can be – is essentially you. No pressure aye?

But seriously. Today is another Monday, another start of a week, another chance, another opportunity, another day in which you can decide to be positive or be negative. You may have a busy day or a day which isn’t even planned out. Regardless – how the day flows, rolls and progress are primarily based on your attitude and reaction to the events throughout the day. You are in control.

In saying all this, it is a segway to something greater. Something more and something which you need to think about. Like I said; you have a chance to own the day and make it what it is. You have this same chance for your life obviously, and the more you start doing, the more you start acting in control and the more you start proactively taking responsibility, the sooner you will find the success, the answers and the happiness you are looking and longing for.

There is no shortcut in your journey to whatever/wherever it is you are going – the only advantage you can have is stepping up and being accountable for your responsibility. It’s great that you are good at what you do! But could you be better? Could you be greater? If so and if you want it – why not go for it. Don’t make excuses that the timing is wrong, that you don’t have what it takes. If you want it – prioritize it and make it your mission. This is for anything you want to achieve. If you don’t start putting in the time – well there will be no time left and the time you have spent will be the time in which you may regret and never get back. So make the most of the time and moments you have, as one day you will wake up and you will ask yourself… why didn’t I start earlier? Why didn’t I do this or do that? Don’t wait until that moment to motivate yourself but teach yourself to be motivated now. Yes it will be tough, yes it will be hard – but in the long run, you will have it easier and better for you and the people in your life. It is a small sacrifice well worth its return.

What will you do today?

“Accept responsibility for your life. Know that it is you who will get you where you want to go, no one else.” – Les Brown


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Your question answered

I can't remember the SuperVisor password I use to access the Aprisa XE. Can I reconfigure the user accounts?

The user accounts can be reset to default (admin, modify and view) by following these steps:

  1. Connect to the serial port and access the serial port menu
  2. Type 7 and press Enter
  3. Type Y and press Enter
  4. Type 9 and press Enter


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Friday, June 3, 2011

Photographer #305: Frédéric Delangle

Frédéric Delangle, 1965, France, is a conceptual photographer based in France working with a large scale camera. In his ongoing series Pourri, we see large still-lifes of decaying food and other natural products. Coït is a project in which he photographed the act of love-making. The lens was open during the entire act of love-making and the people involved shut the lens when they were finished. It created abstract images that trigger our imagination. In his project Nyctalope, meaning "to see the night", he made night-scapes at rural locations using the headlights of his car as a lightsource. In 2005 and 2006 he also photographed at night in the city of Ahmedabad, India. The shutter was open for periods of 5 to 10 minutes. In the city crowded with people and vehicles, it was the only moment to actually photograph the city itself. The following images come from the series Pourri, Nyctalope and Ahmedabad No Life Last Night.

(Video in French)

1 comment:


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Home » Frames Ideas » Post Frame Building

Post Frame Building

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Nobody captures the butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling of being 9 or 39 and being in love than Colette. You got it or you don’t, because it isn’t easy to be sensual, awkward, adorable – adorkable – at the same time but a few turns of phrase and she gets it done. I have no idea what it means to have a girl want to “hit you with my water balloon” (and I’m not responsible for my actions if this someday happens) but she makes it sound as innocent and fun as riding the KISS-themed rides at Great America.

“Crush” is the first release from Candy Talk in nearly a year (and, rumor has it, the stepping stone to a new album). The song has the polish of having been extensively road-tested ahead of time, perhaps none more so than Sonny Fodera’s remix. It’s refreshingly straight-forward and direct, with scattered elements of a new wave/Italo sound gleaming like sapphires in the mud. This works or falls apart with the vocal and Sonny is smart enough to recognize that and let it shine. Nonfiction also provides two remixes, of which the Dub is probably our choice.


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An early-morning house fire in Wichita Falls claimed the lives of an elderly man and a young boy.

The victims have been identified as 85-year-old Tony Perez and his 10-year-old grandson Brian Perez. The fire started at around 2:30 am Monday morning (11/27) at the home at 4617 Tradewinds Road.

Officials say the fire appears to have been started by a portable space heater in the living room of the home.

The home was fully engulfed when fire fighters arrived on scene. No other injuries or fatalities were reported.

Brian Perez was a student at Fowler Elementary School. Fowler Principal Alexandra Martin issued the following statement:

The staff and students at Fowler Elementary were saddened to learn of the death of one of our precious students overnight. Brian Perez was a 4th grade student at Fowler. We extend our condolences to the family, and our thoughts and prayers are with them during this incredibly difficult time.

We encourage you to be especially sensitive and prepared to offer support to your child. Because this is a delicate situation for children to comprehend, we want you to be informed so that you can talk to your child in a manner that you feel is appropriate.  Due to the nature of the situation, 4th and 5th grade students are being informed this afternoon so the message is delivered in a developmentally appropriate way in a monitored environment.

Trained counselors are available to speak to your child individually if additional help is needed. We also offer resources that may be helpful when discussing the loss of a child.

Thank you for your concern and support during this difficult time.  Please pray for the Perez Family, our students and staff.


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There was a time early on in Ariana Grande's musical career when she was dubbed the second coming of Mariah Carey by some overzealous fans (a comparison that likely stemmed from her cover of "Emotions," whistle note and all). It's a heavy declaration that comes with considerable weight behind it, along with its fair share of discourse. But regardless of whether Ariana will have the lasting power of an icon like Mariah, there's no point denying the obvious similarity between the two: They're both powerhouse vocalists with insane range.

Don't believe us? Then you've probably never actually heard Ariana sing, a wrong we're prepared to right immediately. Ariana shut down any possible naysayers yesterday (March 20) when she posted a video online of her singing her latest single "Dangerous Woman" a cappella.

"It's something fun and different just to hold you guys over," she said of the video on Snapchat. "It's silly and it's fun, and it was pretty spontaneous. I hope you guys like it. It's basically just me singing the song with no music."

It's a straightforward video: Ariana, dressed in a dominatrix bunny outfit (a standard for this era), stands before a camera and belts out the title track of her upcoming albumNo vocal embellishment is off limits, as Ariana soars through the song, even recreating that guitar solo with exceptional skill.

Ariana is currently gearing up to drop her forthcoming third studio album Dangerous Woman, though a release date has yet to be announced. But considering her amped up promo (she released another song "Be Alright" last week and appeared on Saturday Night Live as both the show's host and musical guest), it's safe to assume it'll be here soon.

Check out the video above to watch Ari perform "Dangerous Woman" a cappella.

See Ariana Grande + More Celebrities Without Makeup


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When Sam Hunt plays En-Joie in Endicott at the end of August, it's safe to say it will be more than a 'House Party.'  Sam Hunt is one of those artists that has no musical boundaries and while some don't consider him "country enough," is it any different that what the bro-country artists like Luke Bryan, Florida Georgia Line and others are doing?

The answer is yes.  Sam Hunt is not singing about what Maddie and Tae talk about in their smash hit, 'Girl In A Country Song,' that is, endless tailgates, drinking beer with the boys and hanging out with girls in a field always in moonlight.

Instead, Sam writes or co-writes much of his own music or collaborates with one of Nashville's best, Mac McAnally.  Songs like 'Take Your Time' makes a powerful statement.  'Leave The Night On' is a good written song that paints a picture. The result is always high quality music with no label, all very good for country music and the fans are eating it up.

When it comes to videos, Sam is doing something like no other artist; that is, releasing 2 videos of the same song at the same time.  Watch 'House Party' and let me know your favorite of the two!

#1 - Sam doing 'House Party' in concert

#2 - Sam at a 'House Party'...looks like fun!


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Tian Jin to create a small cost, big feelings, positive energy radio and television programs – the m-vstart

In the field of radio and television programs – the media – people.com.cn title of the original production of small cost, big feelings, positive energy: making small cost feeling positive energy program the newspaper news (reporter Niu Chunying) in September 27th, the State Press and Publication Administration held a radio and television program innovation forum in Shanxi Taiyuan, the original radio and television programs and called for on the production of low cost, big feelings, positive energy at the meeting. Tian Jin, deputy director of the State Press and Publication Administration of radio and television, China Radio, film and television, the vice president of the Federation of social organizations, the Shanxi provincial Party committee, propaganda minister Hu Suping attended the meeting and delivered a speech. Centering on "how to see" and "how to do" two centers, the paper discusses the significance of the independent innovation of radio and TV programs and the implementation path. He believes that the current radio and television programs, innovation and excellence has formed a good atmosphere. The whole system is actively exploring in the field of program innovation, showing a healthy upward trend, the emergence of "I have Jiabao," "waiting for me," "Chinese poetry conference" "song from the Yellow River," and a number of good programs. At the same time fully affirmed the achievements, Tian Jin pointed out that it is necessary to recognize the existence of weak links in independent innovation, promote independent innovation of radio and television programs imminent, imperative. To put into full China through the spirit of independent innovation, to reflect the theme selection, scene setting, rule making, interpersonal interaction and other aspects, vivid expression of Chinese of the Chinese nation, world view, mode of thinking, value orientation and moral values, subtly show "unique spiritual world" Chinese, transfer "people daily and feel the values", let Chinese spirit more widely and more deeply in the whole society air plant. Tian Jin stressed, should be good at making small cost, big feelings, positive energy transfer program, in the plain in the sincere stunning spirit, innovative programs to achieve "three changes", which is a transformation from economic driving to innovation driven, transformation from packaging speculation to the winning content, change from service to service clients the masses of the people, always stick to literary innovation in serving the people and socialism in the beginning of the heart. In June this year the Administration issued the "notice" on promoting the independent innovation of radio and TV programs, strengthen independent innovation, the introduction of management mode, "920" program with the arrangement, policy support and other work to do further instructions. The "notice" issued, causing highly in favor of the industry and society, Hu Zhanfan said in his speech, the program innovation is the survival and development of television, the administration has always attached great importance to innovation, introduce some point, effective policy should have a correct understanding on the introduction of foreign models of "limit", its purpose is to promote the independent innovation. Hu Suping of Shanxi cultural resources that Shanxi broadcasters around the innovation efforts, she believes in Shanxi characteristics, cultural character, national spirit of the management concept, Shanxi radio and television station launched "into the" big stage "said Shanxi good scenery" "your name" and other excellent programs. At the meeting, the production of a number of broadcast agencies introduced excellent experience in innovative programs, including CCTV, "I have Jiabao," the Central People’s broadcasting station, "we are missing."相关的主题文章：


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Published on 18 May 2017

Three young artists with special needs tell The A List about their works in the upcoming VOICES (Voices of Individual’s Creative Expressions) 2017 exhibition.

The VOICES (Voices of Individual’s Creative Expressions) is a one-year arts mentorship programme organised by Very Special Arts Singapore (VSA) to nurture talented young people with special needs into artists.

Every year, VSA organises an art exhibition to showcase artworks by young visual artists under VOICES. This year, a total of 18 artists between the ages of 14 to 28 will be presenting at this exhibition through a variety of mediums. These participants are student-artists with autism spectrum disorder, Down Syndrome, hearing impairment and learning challenges.

“This is the first time we are exhibiting their artworks at a commercial gallery and we hope to receive a wider audience and raise the awareness of our cause, which is to empower people with disabilities through art-making,” says VOICES project manager Junie Tang.

Courtesy of VSA Singapore

“During the VOICES programme, I was able to express myself freely without restrictions. I was able to explore topics that I was interested in, even though they are morbid in nature. At the same time, I improved on my technical skills during the workshop, especially blending colours and adding more contrast to my work. One of the pieces I am exhibiting is titled ‘Tormented Souls’. It is a painting on an imagined scene of hell, where souls are in eternal torment.”

Courtesy of VSA Singapore

“I have loved art since I was five years old. The VOICES workshop taught me many new art skills. My greatest challenge was painting on a huge canvas as I had never done that before. I was willing to try new ways of painting. One of the works I am exhibiting is ‘My World of Colours and Shapes’, where I use my favourite colours to create a vibrant piece.”

Courtesy of VSA Singapore

“I enjoyed every session in the VOICES programme. I learned the basic rules of art and also discovered new art techniques. Sometimes, I forget to apply the art rules but my teacher will remind me. I have learned to make my own decisions, and have become more focused and confident. I like to use bright colours, especially yellow for the background, to show a cheerful mood with my art.”

We Didn’t Expect That! (VOICES Art Exhibition 2017) Will be on from 19 – 28 28 May 2017. Click here for more information.

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Attic Skate Shop has in-store rentals of name brand snowboards and equipment to fit youth, women and men in a full range of sizes.

We also rent pants, jackets and helmets too.

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Try one lessons from Abaku Teaching and see for yourself whether is Abaku worth it.

Abaku Balls

from Plusville

By Alena Vávrová from ZŠ Karla Čapka in Prague.

Reading three-digit numbers, comparing them and sorting them out from different perspectives, searching for equations

To create a playful relationship towards numbers, so they would not only be able to read the number, but also find hidden equations.

6 years (addition and subtractions of single-digit numbers), 8 years (three-digit numbers).


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Shenzhen Yongchanghe Technology CO., Ltd

Date: 21st September 2016
PETG 3D Printer Filament
PETG 3D printer filament ?Product features1, High transparent, good transmission of light, high gloss.2, Good toughness.3, Resistance to acid and alkali.4. The prints can be polishing, sawing or drilling etc.Product ?packaging6 rolls per box, 8.3kg; 12 rolls per box, 17.5kg; 20 rolls per box, 29kg.Each roll is with vacuum packaging, inner box and master box.Private logo box is available, and it?s free deign service!Our office and one of the production line is located in Shenzhen city, our 3d printers are CE certificated, and the filaments are SGS approved with RoHS.We offer about ?20 type of 3d printer filament with multiple color, possible for any diameter and private logo package.
Contact Information

3th Floor Building13B Baishixia Longwangmiao Industrial Zone, Fuyong Town, Baoan District, Shenzhen City, Guangdong Province, China
shenzhen, 518103

Contact Form


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Related Games - continue your journey on Abroy.com with one of these games!

Pointless Platformer

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Pointless Platformer - A very pointless platformed with no goal, lazily made but this is infact my first flash game. I hope you find it..... fun?


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I read Halle's latest post yesterday, and it brought to mind something I've wanted to write about for a little while. Before I started hormone replacement therapy, I had to have some extra blood tests done, due to the fact that I had a blood clot at one point in the recent past. So I saw a hematologist, and explained to him that I was transitioning. He had never met someone like me before. He was genuinely interested, friendly, and I could tell that he wanted to ask me a few questions but was hesitant to, out of respect. I remember him smiling a lot. I told him to ask whatever he wanted, and we talked for a little bit. I left the appointment, and as I walked out of the building, "awwww, he was so nice... " popped into my head.

Wait, what?!!

I'd never had a thought like that about a man before. For my whole life, I've been attracted to women. Never walked down the street and saw a guy that I thought was cute. Not once. Never came away from a conversation with a guy thinking that I was looking forward to the next time I saw him. It was a strange feeling to have this "warm fuzzy" after a short conversation with this doctor. It keeps happening and doesn't feel strange anymore. This guy I keep seeing in line at Starbucks in the morning has the best smile. He's tall, and cute, and I'm sure that if I talked to him, I would be nervous. I find myself going to the same cashier at Trader Joe's, even when his line is longer. And he noticed! The 3rd time I was in his line, he said something like, "I guess there must be something you really like about Trader Joe's." I think he was trying to flirt with me? I responded with something stupid and likely incoherent about food, to which he recommended the Korean ribs.

As far as women go, it feels totally different now. I have many intelligent, fun, and attractive friends, and I'm not attracted to any of them. I've not met a woman that I've been attracted to on a romantic level in almost two-and-a-half years. At the moment, I feel like I'm a straight woman. I don't know if I am or not, but I suppose it doesn't matter. What I am curious about, though, is this. How does one's sexual preference just change? It's happening to me, and I cannot explain why. It seems that if I had been bisexual all this time without realizing it, at least once in my life, wouldn't I have met at least one male that I thought was cute, or was attracted to? I'm not finding it at all unsettling, it's more a curiosity.

I don't know what to tag this post with... nothing seems appropriate. I feel like the post itself is all over the place, which does seem appropriate. My first few posts in this blog seem pretty scatterbrained, so it's fitting that my first post on this topic is all over the place.

Anyway, I need to run. I'm fresh out of Korean ribs. Yummy.

Calie's latest post on T-Central is titled "Respect." There's been precious little of that in Blogistan this week.

I've read many of the blogs, comments, over-generalizations, people taking things personally that weren't intended personally, diatribes, opinions, drivel, and ad hominem attacks in the shitstorm that was the trans blogosphere for the past few days. I'm not going to write anything about the question of who is or is not transsexual, pre-ops or post-ops or non-ops or can't-ops or apathetic-about-ops or won't-ops. There's as much chance of me influencing anyone's opinion, if that was something I cared about, as there is me waking up to discover that I'm pregnant. So it would basically be talking just to hear myself talk, which describes 90% of the words that have been bandied about this week. I've read the same long-winded comment and blog post eleventy billion times this week. And for what? This topic will die down and everyone will go back to what they were doing.

When I am ready, I am going to get as far away from trans politics and the trans community as I can. Assimilate into society and live quietly. And none of this crap will matter to me any more than it does to any other woman. I'll find people who need help, and quietly help. That will be the extent of it. My goal is to get to a place where this is all irrelevant. If my self-concept in 2 or 3 years still includes the term "transsexual," I will have failed. I read a quote somewhere this week saying that transsexualism should be a revolving door. Hear, hear. Once I am through the revolving door, I will not look back.

Respect *that*.

It was a beautiful, sunny day. Picturesque. I was standing next to a river. This enormous "thing" approached in the river. It wasn't a boat... I had never seen anything like it before and I was intrigued. As it approached, I jumped into the river, to check it out. Once I got in the river with the "thing," it became clear to me that this was, in fact, just a boat. But it was a big, loud boat, seemingly different than your garden variety boat. I held onto the boat and rode along with it for a little while. It was actually kind of fun, to ride along with this big, strong boat. But after a little while, I realized just how fast the boat and the current were. Too fast. And this boat was just another boat. Just a big, loud boat. I noticed that I was getting too far away from where I wanted to be and that I didn't get off soon, it might be very difficult to get back. So I let go of the boat and swam to shore. I found my way to some country store, called someone, they came and picked me up and we went home.

I've felt a lot of stress lately about how I want to live my life going forward. Do I want to live loudly or live quietly? I much prefer the term "living quietly" to "living in stealth." I was asked to go to dinner with this politician recently. Despite the blog entry I wrote about that sparkly-picture thing, I still have huge reservations about it on a bunch of levels. My hits here have exploded in the past couple days due to an entry being reposted by a well-known activist. A friend warned me of "the calling," where one can get sucked into the trans community in a prominent role and these days, with the Internet, once your name is out there, you can't take it back. Forget about living a normal life, sister. My heart is not with the activist boat. It's just another way to live one's life. There's nothing that's necessarily elevated or noble about it... it's just another lifestyle.

The boat story above would be the cheesiest and most contrived analogy ever, if I had made it up for this blog... but I didn't... it was the dream I had last night. Often I'll have some strange dream and have no idea what to make of it. This one, not so much. My subconscious is speaking loud and clear.

Living quietly. As a "normal" person does. Don't most of us wish for that? I can't guarantee that I will ever live a normal life. But I can do things now that will guarantee that I won't... and I'd just assume not have any more crazy boat dreams for a while.

There is a support group for LGBT teens starting up in my county. The local paper had an article on it, and I was involved in a, um, let's say "discussion" on the online comments for the article. This comment from "Will Nilly" was aimed at me...

Teagee Baby…
A transgender woman? really? When did you have your first child? Was it a C-section or beaker?
Do you often go for laser hair removal over your lip and back? What about that lovely voice? Does it remind me of Betty White or Barry White?
The point is, you can wrap the outside all you want in clothes and make-up, cut and paste body parts but you are not and never were a woman.
I’m sure you are an awesome person, but you are a man by design.
Ta Ta…
Needless to say, I didn't respond as I'm not going to engage this Neanderthal any further. I don't know why I even commented in the first place. If I had responded, it would have been something like this... consider this quote from Julia Serano's Whipping Girl... (emphasis mine)
My femaleness is so intense that it has overpowered the trillions of lame-ass Y chromosomes that sheepishly hide inside the cells of my body. And my femininity is so relentless that it has survived over thirty years of male socialization and twenty years of testosterone poisoning...

... openly expressing one's femininity is not a sign of frivolousness, weakness, or passivity, it is a fucking badge of courage... trans women are fucking badass!

Incredibly empowering, no? Being a transsexual woman and living genuinely can be very empowering if you allow it to be. I'm too much woman for you to handle, Mr. Will Nilly. Don't attempt a battle of wits with me... you're not equipped for it.

I'm having a pretty good week.

Work is going very well... we had a production deployment on Friday. WARNING: Geek stuff ahead. We all get in a room, turn the system on, and troubleshoot/fix anything that comes up. There were a couple people in the room who were not aware I was transgender. We start the system, and immediately get an exception "Unable to find definition for element 'beans' in application-context.xml." Everyone gets this confused look on their face and they all start talking in high-pitched excited tones about what the problem might be. I jump in and say, "This is what the problem is. The system is trying to load the Spring beans definition and it needs to go to springframework.com to get it, but since this is a production box, port 80 is probably blocked for security. We need to open up the port or reference the DTD locally." I was met with some skepticism, so I told them, "Trust me, that's the problem. Go look at the ports." They did, and port 80 was blocked, and that was the problem. Six guys from India and one chick, and the chick solves the problem. Rather instantaneously, I might add. :)

I didn't cry at electrolysis this week, unlike last time. I've made a couple new cisgender friends. One of them is the barista at my Starbucks. The other is from online... I've never met her, but it's the kind of thing where you just *know* that you would or will end up being great friends. I'm doing well at getting back into the exercise habit, have walked an 40-60 mins every day on the treadmill 9 out of the last 10 days. I volunteered to help someone out at work on my off-hours with a technical problem he's been having... that person I used to be would NEVER have done that.

My 5-year old daughter is now reading entire books to me at bedtime. I took them bowling last weekend and my 3-year old son was beating me after 4 frames, the little stinker. :) Make no mistake, I took to him the house by the time we got to the 10th frame. I printed out some pictures of me with them and put them up... finally got around to removing the pictures of the old me. It's time.

I'm having some friends, all of whom I've known for over 10 years, over for dinner tonight... my first time as a hostess! I've always wanted to be a hostess. :) I did food shopping this morning, had my hair up in a ponytail/headband, and looked pretty cute. Had the same friendly checkout woman who rang me up for 78 yogurts last week, and we had another nice conversation. I finished up and was backing out, and there was some guy walking behind me. I stopped and waved him on, whereupon he gave me a HUGE smile, and made a very grandiose "after you, ma'am," gesture. I love stuff like that. Love it.

I'm having a pretty good week. I'm typically not one who walks around feeling like there are bluebirds and butterflies circling her while Music Box Dancer plays in the background, but I kind of feel like that right now.

So this support site I help administer. One of its' functions is to show people what is possible. In terms of your life, your career, family, and also your appearance. And let's face it, as much as we poo-poo the superficiality of it at times, we transgender women spend a lot of time on things related to our appearance. Learning about clothes. Learning about makeup. Electrolysis. Facial feminization surgery. Laser hair removal. The list goes on and on. Anyway, as part of my role as an administrator, the owner of the site has asked me to provide some new pictures... "high quality - very feminine - something that says beauty, class, strength and leader. Hair, makeup, and outfit, a professional picture would be best."

Yikes! I'm still working on cute! Beauty? Class? Wait. I have class. Let's start over. Beauty? Strength? Leader? I can't pull that off!!! Then I started having all these moral quandries about sending the wrong message... that by getting by hair and makeup done, and having pictures taken, am I now perpetuating stereotypes? Am I now making my journey about my appearance, when in reality that's not such an important part of it? Am I showing off? The pictures I most enjoy and treasure, both my own and others, are pictures of trans women just living their lives... with their families, their kids, their friends. Not the glammed up pictures. And don't even get me started on the "Vanity Club." I am so NOT about that.

I emailed a few people I trusted and explained the situation, and my reservations, and they all pointed out in different ways, from different perspectives, that maybe this isn't the huge deal I am making it out to be. Maybe someone will look at my pictures, see where I started from, and see a possibility for herself. My sister correctly ascertained that I was a little intimidated by the "beauty, class, strength and leader" thing and suggested that it might be a very powerful thing for me to do. Another friend told me not to be afraid to sparkle... gave me this quote that she keeps...

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves; “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?” Actually, who are you NOT to be? Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. WE ARE ALL MEANT TO SHINE, AS CHILDREN DO… it is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

I felt much better about this after emailing with them about it. And let's face it... I'm 39 years old. I've not had the chance to go to prom, or be a bridesmaid, or a bride, get dressed up for a special evening, or even have a reason to shop for a special outfit. Or have my hair done other than for the reason that it's 60% grey. Why shouldn't I have the chance to experience this? Because I am afraid of how others might interpret it? The heck with that.

So in a couple weeks I have a friend coming to visit. We'll shop for something fabulous. Then a couple weeks after that, I have a hair appointment to get a "blow-out" (more good advice from Sis) and have my makeup done. It will all be tasteful and genuine and not over-the-top and it will be ME. Then I'm going to meet a photographer who told me that she had "lots of respect for the transgender experience, and that it would be an honor to photograph" me. And I will sparkle. And then I'm going out with some of my girlfriends. And we will sparkle. Because we are all meant to shine.

I wrote the above at work. This was the first song that came on the radio on the drive home. Seemed appropriate.

Although I hope I don't sparkle so much that I have fireworks shooting out of my boobs.

About 15 years ago, I thought I might be a transsexual. Someone or something I read pointed towards My Gender Workbook and Gender Outlaw, by Kate Borstein, as good resources to get started with. So I ordered the book and a week later eagerly started reading through them. I got maybe halfway through and found that I couldn't relate to any of it. I remember feeling rather frustrated.

Bornstein doesn't really consider herself anything. She talks about people who maintain the current system of gender as "gender defenders," and considers herself a "gender outlaw." I'm not going to talk too much about the books, because a) I don't remember them very well, and b) I'm not enough of an intellectual to challenge any of it. What I do know, is that her thesis, the idea that there is some genderless "promised land," wasn't appealing to me. At the time, I didn't know what I was, but I knew what I wasn't. I didn't feel anything like some amalgamation of male and female, or worse yet, genderless. I just had this unexplainable "thing." Oh, well, I thought. Guess I'm not a transsexual, I'm just some weirdo with this strange interest.

At that point, my ignorance of the subject being what it was, I stopped the exploration. After all, this was supposed to be *the* resource. I was told that these were *the* books to read. Of course, this doesn't go away, and I am not some weirdo, and here we are today. Since then, on the subject, I've read exactly half of one book, seen zero documentaries, zero movies, and haven't made it to a conference. They don't hold much interest for me. Paradoxical? No, not really. I'm not a gender outlaw. I don't seek to be different than anyone else for differences' sake. I'm just a woman. A woman with an interesting background and a different history. I'm not interested in tearing apart the social fabric, as Diana puts it. I am interested in getting through this period with my psyche and children intact and then quietly living my life.

The danger with books like Gender Outlaw being on the tips of people's tongues when it comes to gender identity is that people get the wrong idea. People like me, trying to figure themselves out. People such as cisgender people who fear that transsexuals' goal is upheaval of a "system," to use Bornstein's term, that has served humankind well for thousands of years. Maybe someday I'll write a book called Gender Defender, about women like me, for those who think they might be like us. Perhaps that would help educate both of the aforementioned groups.

A year ago, I referred to myself as a transgender woman. Now, I refer to myself as a transsexual woman. Ultimately, I'm not interested in being a T-anything. I'm interested in being a W.

I pass, or blend, or assimilate, or present, or whatever word it is that I'm supposed to use, well. I don't get clocked based on my appearance anymore. So you'd think that I'd be past fretting about it, no? Au contraire, ma soeur.

I had delivery guys coming over yesterday afternoon to deliver my New-Years-Cliche-Treadmill (NYCT). The guy called me to confirm the time and I tried my best voice, but on the phone, it's tough. They looked somewhat surprised when they saw me. I had a couch that I needed help moving. I offered to tip them extra, but they refused to move it. They said it was for insurance reasons, but of course I wondered if they had clocked me and that was the real reason they wouldn't help. Probably not, but I just can't help myself with these thoughts.

Then I had to make a grocery run. The checkout woman was around 60. She didn't read me. We chatted about our kids, about good things to put on a Coco Pop, and about the fact that she accidentally rang up 178 yogurts, when I only bought 7. I told her about the NYCT and she asked me if I watched what I ate. She then looked at me and said, "Well, of course you watch what you eat. Look at you, you're skinny." I am *not* skinny. I weigh 163. That's not skinny. I'd like to weigh 145. That'd be skinny for my frame. Anyway, it was such a nice little conversation. Loved it. Of course, as I walked away, the devil over my shoulder was telling me that it would have been different if she "knew."

Finally, I had dinner with a friend at this place called Jimmy's. Jimmy's is a well-known local watering hole/wing place. They have poker nights, football nights, etc. For whatever reason, when I first transitioned, I thought to myself, "Well, there's one place I'll never be able to go into again." Why I thought I'd never be able to go into this specific place anymore, I don't know. It's a very guy-ish place. Perhaps I feared being a trans woman in a space that caters to men.

I arrived at Jimmy's first and when I came in, one of the wait staff looked very hard at me, gave me the once-over, twice-over. And of course you know what went through my head.

"Omg. Goddamnit. I look cute today. How did she read me? You've got to be kidding me. Wow, I can't believe she read me from looking at me for five seconds. Damnit. Now I have to go to the bathroom and she's probably going to chase me down and ask me exactly what I think I'm doing in the ladies' room. I knew I shouldn't have come in here. Ugh."

I finished up in the ladies' room and came out. There was the waitress again. Uh oh, here it comes.

"Ha ha! You know who you look like? You look just like my friend Sophie. I couldn't imagine why Sophie was in here, that's why I looked at you so quizzically. Ha ha!!"

Ha ha, indeed. *exhale*

So then my friend comes in and sits down. She's not one that gets read, either. She looks great. Same waitress comes over and says to her, "ha! When you came in here, I knew that's who you were looking for." (me) My friend and I give each other these looks like, "what? because we're both trans?" At this point, I'm completely confused. I have no idea whether she read us, or not. It doesn't really matter, of course, she was nothing but nice to us the whole time. If I had to guess, I'd say that she didn't read us.

This is exhausting. I will be so glad when I get to a point where success or failure is not measured by "Did I get clocked?" The funny thing is, in all those interactions above, if I was a betting woman, I'd bet that no one clocked me all day. And look at all this mental energy I am expending.

Anyway, now I need to get my looks-skinny-but-isn't body downstairs on the NYCT and work off some of the wings, beer, and Beef-on-Weck that I consumed last night.

Oh, crap. Wings, beer, Beef-on-Weck. Girls don't order wings, beer, and Beef-on-Weck!! *That* must be how she read us.

Kidding, sort of. :)

It's been so negative here lately.  I something to perk me up.  So this blog entry is going to be about something superficial, my looks!  Here in Blogistan, we typically refrain from talking about these sorts of things, because we are only supposed to talk about deep, meaningful things, that make the reader pause and reflect.  Weeeeelllll, the heck with that for today.  I can be as superficial as anyone.  :)

For years and years, I could not fathom how I might ever achieve resembling a woman, let alone being an attractive, or a cute one.  When I started transitioning, my thought was that some day, I hoped that I ended up being cute.  I always thought I'd be pretty happy with that.

I had the courage today to post a picture of myself on Facebook with my hair up.  First one of those.  I was just running out to do some errands and my hair was *not* behaving, so I thought I'd try putting it in a ponytail... it's finally long enough that I can do a ponytail that's longer than, say, an inch.  I looked at myself in the mirror, and thought, "Huh.  You know what, I look pretty cute."  Anyway, I took the picture and put it on Facebook, and hoped one person would comment on it.  *I* thought I looked cute, which in theory is all that's supposed to matter, but I hoped someone would say something nice.  I had absolutely zero makeup on.  It's funny, I just went and looked at it, and thought, "Yikes.  At least put on a little lip gloss or something."  At any rate, I got back from my errands and as of this writing, 20 people liked and/or commented on it, and I'm pretty sure they were all genuine comments... my friends aren't ones to do the "Rah rah rah!!  You look GREAT!!!" thing, when you really don't.  That's not helpful.

I'm excited to see how this all turns out in a couple years.  Perhaps I'll even end up being pretty.  If I may pat myself on the back, and I will since this is my blog, I'm pretty cute.  I promise that next post, we'll be back into the over-the-top angst and self-analysis, and you, dear reader, can pause and reflect to your heart's content.  :P

Part of the thoughts I was having on that awful car ride home last night were about being taken seriously by people, being accepted as a woman, and the seemingly utter hopelessness of it all.  This morning when I got up, I just didn't feel like putting any effort at all into my appearance.  Tank top, long sweater, leggings, boots.  No makeup.  And the morning after electrolysis and laser, trust me, one needs copious makeup.  Hair back in headband.  Residue of yesterday's mascara under my eyes.  I truly didn't care.  I had a pretty productive day at work, but as mid-afternoon approached, I started feeling emotional and teary-eyed again, as the weekend loomed.

And then it happened.

I've been emailing back and forth the past couple days with my therapist about letters for GRS.  I suggested something, and she wrote me back to confirm that we'd take my approach.  The text of the email...

"Okay, Tim!!  Let's try that!  Take care!"

That name has not come up or been used in therapy for close to a year.  This is really bad.  If my own therapist, who is in the midst of writing letters recommending me for genital reassignment surgery, doesn't think of me as Faline, who will?  It's very troubling.  I don't need my own therapist to shatter my confidence.  I emailed back that it was "troubling," and I did get the "I'm sorry!!!" but I also got "I'm sorry I trouble you," in a very martyr-ish, passive-aggressive sort of way.  I really don't want to have to change therapists at this point, I really don't.

I so didn't need this today, of all days.  I went into the private bathroom at work and cried.  I looked in the mirror at this face and these clothes and I feel like a complete fucking joke, someone who is being patted on the head and placated by everyone around her, but not really being taken seriously.  It has not been a good 24 hours.  Right now I just want to run away, run far, far away, and hide.

I'm feeling pretty knocked down right now.  I think I will go home and piss the night away... drink a whiskey drink, drink a vodka drink, drink a lager drink, drink a cider drink... but I'll get up again.

One thing I've wondered about, going through transition, is how cisgender females will relate to me.  How will making new friends go?  I had a new experience a little over a week ago, at a gathering my friend had, where there were a few women there that I hadn't met before.  I felt uncomfortable standing in a group of women, feeling like I was pretending to be one of them.  I mentioned my kids, and feared being asked about a pregnancy.  I feared being asked about my spouse.  I feared my voice.  Fear fear fear.  It got to me and I couldn't deal with it, so I found an excuse to tell them that I was trans.  Most looked very surprised, one didn't.  I felt like I totally copped out.  I have to give myself a break on this... it's all so new.  I have no experience at this.  On the other hand, I don't like feeling like I am lying to people, or living a lie.  At this point, I'd rather people know that I was a transsexual.  At least I can be honest then.  I mean, what's the point of making a friendship that is based on a lie?  And what will happen to the friendship when the lie unravels... which it most certainly will.

Speaking of friends, I might have this new friend.  She's a woman that I've known for a little over a year.  We have a great rapport, and have shared quite a bit with each other.  I always thought we had the potential to be friends.  However, it wouldn't have been appropriate for us to socialize outside of the normal context in which we see each other.  Sorry to be so vague. And no, she's NOT my therapist.  Anyway, as things turned out, to hell with appropriateness, we ended up going out for a drink a couple weeks ago... which turned into a few drinks, dinner, and dessert.  We had a blast, crossed a bridge of sorts.  I was very excited that I had made a new friend... a new, real friend!  Wow, perhaps I *can* make new friends.  I will be OK!!  It's weird... I was almost giddy about it, like the way one might be giddy at the beginning of a romantic relationship.  Although there is absolutely nothing romantic on either one of our parts, nothing.  I was simply thrilled to have made a new friend.  Relationships with cisgender women are precious to women like me.

I saw her this evening in our typical context, and it was kind of back to feeling normal.  The way that she interacted with me felt like we really weren't friends after all.  I said something about going out again, and the response wasn't quite as enthusiastic as I might have hoped.  I felt like a child who was asking his or her parent, "Mommy, Mommy, can we go to (fill in the blank)?"  "Well, OK, we can."  That's exactly what it felt like.  I felt embarrassed for suggesting that we go out again.  Not so fast, missy. You're not really friends.  You're not anything special.  You have *NOT* made a new friend, I told myself.  When it was time to leave, I was absolutely devastated.  I cried harder and longer on the 45-minute drive home, than I can recall crying in a long time.  I started questioning everything again... why am I doing this, what is the point of all this, no one will ever be friends with me out of anything other than pity or curiosity, I am enduring all this physical pain for what?, people at work are polite to me only because they have to be, I won't be OK, the rest of my life is going to suck, and fleeting *very bad* thoughts, on and on and on.

I calmed down a little bit when I got home.  I am pretty certain that I overreacted tonight. Just the same, I think I am going to follow this person's lead with our friendship and see where it goes.  Just because someone doesn't jump up and down with clapping hands when you suggest going out, doesn't necessarily mean anything.  But, I was hoping for a little more.  I was hoping that this person might end up being a friend that I so want... a friend with whom I don't need to schedule things weeks in advance... a friend with whom conversations consist of things other than "catching up," a friend that I'm truly close with for no other reason then our intangible connection.

Whatever happens, I need to remember that this year is not necessarily going to be a microcosm of the rest of my life.  I need to keep some semblance of perspective on things.  I have to remember that I am just taking my first few tenuous steps on this journey.  I also need to find some ways to meet new people.  People who know nothing about my history.  Even if only for practice.

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When I transitioned, there just weren't too many blogs out there written by straight, transitioned women. Well, here's one.

I can be reached via email at this address.

Here is my comment policy.

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Concept DOO VOO "AKF"

The Dnepropetrovsk regional branch allukrainians public organization " Anticorruption forum " is created to inform all layers of the population on what terrible social illness - corruption.

We are not going to substitute, powers of those structures which are created for struggle against corruption. On struggle against corruption hundreds state, power structures and public organizations are created. Millions, billions are spent. And while, unfortunately, we have not promoted in this question.

More likely on the contrary, all who struggles with corruption in an even greater degree become its servants.
Moreover, the more actively struggle against corruption, the the sum of bribes become more significant. By the way about it http://www.podrobnosti.ua/criminal/abuseofpower/2008/05/29/527833.html

In fact if there will be no corruption who will allocate such huge means for its struggle. All is much easier, than to us about it tell.
Corruption is the most terrible illness of a society, social illness. Also all of us are sick, all without exception. Each of us, well even time in a life (it is very minimal;)), but concerned corruption. Everyone bribed, презент, bypassed the law, asked that have shut eyes to any problem or favorable question.

And this all begins, unfortunately, from a maternity home and comes to an end on a cemetery. In a maternity home we corrupt in occasion of the close attitude to sorts, and on a cemetery in occasion of a good place for the member which has finished the life of a society. Thus, if it is illness and all of us are sick silly to show against each other a finger at whom it is developed more, at whom less. It is necessary to understand deeply, that it for an infection, its symptoms, the reasons, consequences.

And the MOST IMPORTANT - to whom it is favourable. And all together, only all together to try it to supervise, that it did not progress. And to supervise very much and very difficultly because it should be done somewhere in a head and in depth of heart.

There where there is a first law, there at once there is a corruption. Any law its corruption since it imposes on the individual or a society of individuals certain losses, the restrictions connected with submission to norm of the right. The above loss which are connected with submission to norm of the right, the probability of there is more that the individual will pay for an opportunity to not observe norm of the right or reduction of losses.

Any laws to win corruption it is impossible. In some countries of the world for it shoot. Also what? Has helped? No.

The temptation for the state employee is too great. And suddenly will carry by.

Though let's present, that is it is crystal fair officials and state employees. But that whom cannot be bought for money, or for very greater money, that can be intimidated (family, health, children). And at once the question is solved in favour of interested persons. As everyone understands better to take money and to go on infringement of the law, than someone native or close will suffer. The truth of a life is those. Corruption a question valuable, instead of texnocratic. Values need to be changed in a society. Then also the level of corruption will be low. And it is not solved any revolution, but only evolution. And evolution demands a lot of time. Especially in such underdeveloped and perverted, means in the information plan, a society. And it should be understood, and already now to think that will be years through 10-20. It is necessary to grow up and bring up good members of a society on kind and fair traditions. To prepare for decent managers who will really work and realize, that they can not see fruits of the work, and their grandsons or at the best children will see.
There should be a CORRECT FORMATION.
Thus, a primary source of corruption - in the existence of the state, more truly, in fiction of the state and substitution by its representatives of the state which have own interests, but are obliged to represent another's.

Essentially to lower a level of corruption in the country it is possible, and to study it is necessary at our ancestors. An output there, where an input. Aristotel "Policy": "... In Thebes there was a law: who within 10 years did not abstain from marketing, that had no right to hold the state post... " By means of this law it is possible to solve considerably a problem of the conflict of interests, sharply having separated public from private.

But it is real now in sew to the country? And to whom it will be unprofitable? And to whom it is favourable? Clearly one - time the best doctor, and it will place all in the places.

Our problem to unite the normal, harmoniously developed and decent people to protect and develop our general interests, the purposes and problems. We under a signboard of the organization unite decent people whom the future of our country is not indifferent. And which wish something to make useful, necessary for normal development of our society.

To whom it is interesting, it is possible in more detail will familiarize with ours The program

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map Perm Almetyevsk Ryazan Irkutsk Yaroslavl Penza Omsk Nizhny Novgorod Orenburg Novorossiysk Ukhta Tomsk Tyumen Tver Magnitogorsk Rostov-on-Don Adler Purpe

Our geography spreads from western borders to eastern coast. We work in all CIS countries
  • Belorussia. Construction of the unified transport multiservice network for Belarussian national telecom operator, Beltelecom
  • Uzbekistan. Deployment of monitoring systems to control interworking, network and service operation for MTS-Uzbekistan
  • Georgia. Deployment of NGN system in Georgia for United Telecom of Georgia.
  • Yaroslavl. Reconstruction and design of surgical building, construction of canyon to install accelerator in Yaroslavl Regional Oncology Clinical Hospital.
  • Design of Voronezh regional cancer detection center
  • Construction of multiservice network for Dalsvyaz branches
  • Construction of broadband access network for Uralsvyaz-Inform company
  • Deployment of IMS platform in Beltelecom network (400,000 subscribers)
  • Deployment of IMS platform for Uralsvyaz-Inform operator (10 mln subscribers)
  • CenterTelecom's Voronezh branch network reconstruction project to introduce new products and services
  • Pipeline system of Zapolyarie-Puprpe oil pump station. Telecom networks for Transneft
  • Automation system and installation of gas content system for pump station of Volgograd Regional Oil Pipeline Management. Technical upgrade (on turnkey terms) for Transneft company
  • Automation system for Saratovskaya oil pump station of Volgograd Regional Oil Pipeline Management (on turnkey terms) of Transneft company


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Eagle Hooked Rug, American, Late 19th Century

Large and outstanding folk art hooked rug featuring a perched eagle, against an abstract field and in neutral colors. An excellent, strong presence to the eagle and to rug as a whole. Professionally mounted on black fabric and on a custom built stretcher, American, late 19th century.

Dealer M. Finkel & Daughter
Date: late 19th century
Origin American
Measurements 72" x 32"
Inventory View Dealer's Inventory
Website http://www.samplings.com
Price $8500
Contact Amy Finkel, 215-627-7797 or  mailbox@samplings.com

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