system
A chat on subreddit /r/me_irl
human
That's the part that gets me. Yes life might be meaningless but would be dead give it any more meaning than being alive?
gpt
Just from first impressions, the guy was likely suffering from a severe mental health issue like schizophrenia, and if you've never actually experienced avolition I'm not sure if you can really appreciate what it's like.

literally every single thing that makes your existence worth any effort, gone from you. You don't feel it. It's not so much about meaning as it is about motivation and experience.

You don't experience, you can observe, you can navigate, you can reflect, but literally every bit of affective reality is no longer connected to you outside of the moment you experience it. Winning the lottery? Alright, I don't have to struggle financially, over it. Meeting the boy/girl of your dreams? Okay, not worth the effort though, over it. The academic/occupational opportunity of a lifetime comes calling? You already won the lottery, why would you bother? Over it.

Friends? No, just people you know. Goals, beliefs, achievements? You mean delusions, just chemical reactions in your brain that don't work properly any more. Desires, or even fears? Please someone explain how they're supposed to work, I don't get it? Things happen, or they don't, there's not really any difference to you.

You literally cannot even fantasise any more, because there's nothing to fantasise about. You just.... exist, wondering where all the reasons to do anything are supposed to come from. Why do you do any of the things that you do? Why do you want things? How do you want things? What is it that makes you decide to go and do a thing, and then go and do that thing, and then feel feelings about doing that thing? You don't remember any more, not like you know other people do.

 Maybe you remember feeling them once, maybe you have insight into what's happening, maybe you even push yourself to try to find a solution because rationally you know these things should be there and you've got fuck all else to do.

They're not there though and the worst part is you don't even care, because this is reality to you now and there is no reality-intact desire or emotion that can alter that because it feels like clarity. Maybe hallucinations or delusions trick you into thinking there's a way out though, so you follow them as they come. Sometimes they can feel nice, sometimes they're terrifyingly isolating and lonely but you stick it out hoping for the good ones for a while. Until it's gone.


Sorry to hijack your casual chat for my rant, I'm just a probably-schizophrenic with primarily negative symptoms trying to get help on the odd day I manage to care (or resort to drugs). I can't figure out how people like yourself live so oblivious to other peoples experiences. I kind of wish I had enough of an identity to live like that, but also I could never accept it somehow. Maybe you'll learn something from this, or maybe I'm just talking to myself (at least *I* know what the fuck I'm talking about)

 Potato potato..... sounded better in my head.