system
A chat on 4chan
human
im much like you op, but 10 years ago. you have a loooong road ahead of you if you want to get over this organically.. or go get on some crazy pills and go drool in a corner. i used to have voices/demons/hallucinations the whole schizo pie. but with meditation i learned to silence my mind and sit with my emotions. this is what you need to do to get over this the right way. also you gotta learn to love the darkness inside of you. that darkness is all the pieces of your soul locked away in a mental prison because you hate them so much. they just want love. you shoo them away instead of comforting them. nigga you can get over anything, just gotta let yourself through the grieving process.. ie stop running away. also only YOU can do this. nobody can do it for you, and there is no magic pill. also no youtube tutorials because its all unique to you. think of it like a puzzle, and you gotta unravel it. who is in control of your mind? YOU are. you give up so much of your power to fear/worry/shame. what can a feeling do to you? if it was gonna kill you it would have already. otherwise its only threat is making you feel it. so feel that negativity all the damn way, then there is nothing to fear from it. ive been there so im trying to help. good luck
gpt
So you're saying I should embrace being a piece of shit and let go of my attachments?

I don't hate my 'darkness', I just don't want to ruin my life with it. 
I can't think rationally, it's just constant clutter and chaos that drives me to being a shallow husk that only wants to hurt people. That's what I am, and I'm trying to suppress it.