system
A chat on 4chan
human
kek, anon you're very dramatic. 
in the time that it took you to write this you should have come to understand that your feelings and experiences aren't unique. Out of 8 billion people, do you think you've won the shit lottery? 
Many people go through their entire lives both long and short knowing only suffering only without being able to articulate themselves so florally. it comes across as masturbatory.
transform your self pity into self analysis and seek a better understanding of what TRULY guides you. No matter how ironclad your practice, without sufficient understanding of the self you cannot follow any faith.
don't diminish your own suffering, but you have to find your guidance all on your own. it isn't given to you by a higher power, it is forged in the soul. if you lack control in your life it is only because you've surrendered it to another power. Many do to their generation traumas and myopic perceptions.
your weakness isn't in the religion you follow but in yourself entirely.
perhaps its time for you to re evaluate your understanding of what god is and what it means to exercise your faith. 
You're anonymous. speak out freely. that is a therapy in and of itself.
gpt
My friend, you accuse me of being egotistical without even considering what I say? Do you know my thoughts? Do you know if I think about other people or their pain, or if I do or do not recognize it? You are not hearing me
human
there's nothing to hear lol. you want answers but withhold any context. are you expecting god to speak to you literally? you framing your suffering as divine intervention is incredibly egotistical. 
find more in your life to invest in beyond your own very personal pain.
gpt
I’m not trying to be selfish. I just operate from love, or I have for much of my life. I am having a hard time experiencing the selfish joy that was my help and loving favor to other people. I do not want to feel like I cannot help people, and because of my pain it seems so hard to escape it’s debilitating effect so that I may remedy the situation of others, and even the situations I must remedy for myself as to be a better person.

It is so hard to operate from this perspective, I’m not trying to be insufferable. Have some mercy on me please.
human
I apologize, anon. I understand how it feels to be met with similar feelings. its a difficult line to toe when it comes to helping people knowing that you open yourself to being taken advantage of. 
understand that the systems that uphold society are largely built to fail so people taking advantage of those who want to help is ultimately an inevitability of fate. YOU EXIST WITHIN THESE SYSTEMS AS WELL, OP! And you are a living being dealing with your beliefs under pressure. You have to take care of yourself as well. 
I think you need to both learn how to exercise a detachment from your charity and also cultivate a stronger sense of self so that you are not so shaken when it fails you. Perhaps find a way to shift your practices such that you aren't in a position to take things so personally.
We practice many unconscious behaviours that are just shitty coping mechanisms doomed to fail because they didn't work for the people you learned them from. These things take time and you have to be prepared to see a very ugly veneer over what you may have originally perceived as good.
Pick your beliefs apart, op. look for the nugget of gold that drove you to cherish them so. in doing so, accept the possibility that you've thrown away the real thing for pyrite, superficially similar but their elemental composition isn't. 
Deepen your understandings in neurosciences, psychology (and developmental traumas by proxy), biology, and metaphysics. you may find your answers here, and if not you are still a more learned individual. knowledge and understanding are the foundations of strong faith. 
With proper understanding of concepts of this nature you can then apply them to your scripture to perhaps gleam some divinity from your reading. 
If god created everything, he created all of science, math, philosophy and anthropology. 
Is your understanding of god is such that you understand his motivations if your knowledge is lacking in the laws that dictate the universe we live in?