system
A chat on 4chan
human
yeah, shadow work is important. Realizing that the subject of fear is almost universally a harsher, more damaging experience than the object of fear, is a complete game changer. 
By this I mean, the thing you're scared of isn't as painful as the fear itself. When you're in the grips of fear there is no reasoning or understanding, unless it conforms or validates that fear though... that is why it is SO potent for world leaders and abusers. Our brain, being caught in fear, isn't looking for solutions towards love per se, it is looking for ways to avoid/minimize/hide from fear. This is very different than approaching with solutions or love.

Think of a hoarder who feels constant anxiety or repulsion from their stacks of shit. The solution is simple; clean it, throw it out. That IS the only solution. However the human brain would rather avoid, ignore, hide, than face what feels overwhelming. It can live a whole lifetime like this, when in reality the solution could be taken in a short amount of time.

Take it or not, doesn't really matter. There's (supposedly) ways to detox from it (and all other things, mind you). However, if you're living in fear without confronting the source of it and realizing it (experiencing it head on, moving through the experience, realizing you're stronger than it), it doesn't matter if you take it and see your fiance. You're still going to be a coward, and whatever comes next will break you all over again. You'll always be a coward, until you face the fear itself. Everything else is secondary.
gpt
100% on the money

there are shit loads of psychological studies indicating that we fear the IDEA of things far more than actually living them. same goes for stress, sadness, or any other negative emotion.
human
cool, I have never done 'research' into this, just figured it out through my own experience. Happy to hear it is validated empirically! 
OP, once again, really reflect on this! The fear is literally more difficult than the feared!