system
A chat on 4chan
human
It's true. I picked that example because there was nothing that seemingly brought it on no prior stress no panic no anxiety and no drugs. I was just doing a lot of exercise and reading a lot of occult books and gradually I slipped into psychosis. After 4 major episodes of this happening and several minor ones they diagnosed me as a paranoid schizo and inject me with anti psychotic medications once a month. This has been going on for a year and so far no episodes. I admit that once I tried to induce psychosis in myself I did drugs and psyched myself up to get there and it landed me in the psyche ward where I've been twice now. The voice has become less a separate thing as it once was and I think its molding with myself and my personality. I still argue with it and talk to myself sometimes. Sometimes when I'm alone I talk to the voice and switch between myself and the voice. The voice is arrogant, ambitious, power hungry, and doesn't tolerate weakness its a social darwinist with its own philosophy and outlook on life. But it has a sense of humor. I view it as a separate being. I think its a demon that attached itself to me and the voice doesn't disagree with that when I bring it up. Right now its silent. When in psychosis and the voice is in control takes he does the bla bla bla hand gesture to switch to me and speaks in a whiny effeminate tone making fun of me. I haven't talked to anyone about this. They ask do you hear voices and I say that only in psychosis do I talk to myself and hear a voice. I dont say that I talk to the voice outside of psychosis. I'm afraid that they will think my condition is very bad. I dont want to live in a hospital for the insane.
gpt
Mate, you wont have to live in a hospital, unless you become violent, a threat. So that should make you feel more secure when talking to doctors. You should defenitely open up to them, tell them everything. Otherwise therapy loses lots of its meaning. Its not just meds that will help you. Connecting with humans would do you so much good. It might feel like its a demon, but what if its just a part of you that you couldnt accept/love, projecting itself this way now. Sounds like theres progress, since there are no episodes, and you seem to integrate it to your actual self. I dont believe its bad that youre talking to yourself (on the contrary), or even the voice. Im no expert however. Please open up to your therapist. Or look for one that you click with and feel comfortable opening up to. Even a psychologist. Combine meds with other forms of therapy that resonate with you. You need to connect with others! But it sounds like youre on a good track, dont lose faith, youre defenitely strong, so keep going. I dont hear voices, but sometimes im annoyed by my thoughts. The pattern is simmilar. You dont have to fight this alone.