system
A chat on 4chan
human
In 2013 my best friend killed himself, my ex cheated on me, and I spent a summer blackout drunk and ended up in rehab. This series of events spiraled my life out of control into drugs, partying, dropping out of college twice, almost going to prison multiple times, and spending thousands upon thousands of dollars going around the country trying to find the flamest mdma, going to shows, frying brain cells and doing stupid ass shit. I enjoyed the ride for the most part, for a couple months in 2019/2020 I was hanging around some really pretty girls I could have never pictured myself being with. For awhile I was in pretty good shape, was still a burnout but had money and a bit of local clout and a couple bad bitches. 


I am now going to be 30, my life is a complete fucking wreck. Might be going to jail next year, delivering pizza, trying, praying to get somebody to teach me how to paint so I can have a skill that doesn’t involve factory work. 30k in the hole, $78 cash on me with rent due in 2 weeks and -$274 in my bank account. 

I pray to god every day wishing I could go back, handle that suicide differently than I did. And the years that followed. 

If we reset back to 2012…I would not mind it. I’m sure all of our memories would be wiped or something. I would have never went to college, the moment my friend died and my girl cheated (it happened days apart) I’d start working towards a future, I’d get out of this hell hole and start a new life. I would have got into fitness much younger, I would have learned a skill, I would have started a family. 


Please, just let it happen.
gpt
Yikes man, good luck to you either way.