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I am searching for union with God via Christian mysticism. I try to do the contemplative prayer of St Theresa of Avila (read some verses of an Evangelium and imagine yourself there, watch what Jesus do, and speak with him. It's some kind of invocation. I have already had some interesting conversations with him)

Or at least, I have been imagining things and my head has some very clever answers to my questions.

Some conclusions I have are:
-our souls are a part of God. When we die they reunite with him that's heaven. If we did bad things, those parts have to be cleaned and your conscience is forever lost, like a reset. That's hell. 
-there are other gods and God has other beings higher than him. That's the conclusion of 'god is infinite' but those other gods are far for us and have no soul connection. 
-with this soul connection God sees what we see and feels what we see.

Etc.

So, I have started to surrender myself. I have killed my old self, I'm no more the edgy Sauer sad boy I was. Now I'm saying thank you God more often and enjoying life more. I have forgiven everyone. Event the worst offenders of different political ideas, I have forgiven them, I would clean their feet right now. I have started finding good things and qualities in everything to no critique (if I see somebody I dislike, I think 'he has done so much and worked so hard to be there, so he isn't so bad as I though. Let's enjoy his work'). I have stopped drinking. Only in parties, but I won't buy more alcohol only for me. 

I still haven't surrendered sex. I still have no reason to. When I asked about that the answer is 'you crazy? Why do you think I gave you a very sensitive and pleasurable part of the body that also makes you feel good after finishing ? Also, if you don't masturbate you will get prostate cancer. The problem is if you abuse this. But if it makes you feel better why not? '.

Right now I'm reading the works of Rudolf Steiner about initiation, knowing higher worlds, etc.
gpt
Continuation

Also, other conclusions I have: the kingdom of God is already here. We should try to enjoy that while we are here, but the everyday problems hide that from us

-Jesus was one of the avatars/personalization of God. He also came back a lot of other times. We have killed him a lot of times.

He loves us. But he also loves an ant. And a virus. Because every living organism has a soul and that's a part of God. You see a disgrace in the death of a child, God sees millions of beings feeding of a corpse. He is not cruel, he is a good father for all of us. And the world is super complex and we don't really understand it at all.

Vía meditation you can feel God and join temporarily with him this feels super good. Finally you are happy and relaxed chilling... I have imagined that like God is like a blue whale swimming in the void and it's being followed by a lot of small fish/souls. In this meditation I was one of these fishes and swam near, with and around him. And it was filled with happiness.

Other meditation I had, I asked him for a shoulder that was hurting me. He told me 'with a little, I'm fixing it', I was with closed eyes near a light, so all I was able to see was the red color of the translucency. But I could see a shadow moving in front of me, coming, I felt a touch on my shoulder, and it stopped hurting for a few weeks.

I have a small child. He wasn't able to sleep one night. So I prayed Maria for help. I don't know what I did or said. But I felt a bad presence in the room and a lot of shadows and lights started to look like nuns/women with the clothing of Maria. I had a lot of fear but the children slept and the next days I wasn't able to see those lights and shadows with the same lighting.

What I mean with this is... Yes, something exist and it's huge and you can comunícate with him and if you follow a mystic path you can feel union with that, enjoying life more.