system
A chat on subreddit /r/wallstreetbets
human
Don't worry friend,  I bought a set of sheets with btc years ago.

Edit: regular queen-sized sheets from overstock :(
gpt
I spent like 25 BTC for a fake id from China back in 2012 when I was in college. It was so bad it got confiscated within like 2 weeks. Hope your sheets were comfy.