system
A chat on subreddit /r/me_irl
human
yes, another. where i live, the centipedes i’m talking about are the brownish ones with the yellow-orange legs. 

a few months ago, on a Friday, i was lying in bed with my bf and our two kids and my left thigh felt like it was getting poked and i thought it was my kids but it started to hurt so i looked down and it was a centipede crawling across my thigh almost in between my legs and i SCREAMED lmfao and slapped it off and I kinda stared in disbelief for a second and my boyfriend jolted up from his nap and was like what happened and i was like look ! and he started freaking out and told me take the kids out of the room and he started throwing the blankets everywhere trying to find it. after about 20 minutes of looking, he couldn’t find it so we kinda all just went back into bed. i was paranoid af for the weekend and come Monday night, I wake up from my sleep to the feeling of pokes all around my left foot and i yelp and kick my foot and my bf wakes up again and rips the blanket off the bed and there it is, crawling towards the edge of the bed. my boyfriend grabbed his vitamins container and held it down to the bed and made me grab tongs from the kitchen. He took it outside and burned it with our mini torch but since then, I’ve been scared to sleep near the wall since that’s where it probably climbed up. thing was maybe 10 inches, it looked pretty big on our bed and we have a cal king.

Sorry I know you didn’t ask for a long a-s-s story 😩
gpt
This entire thread and response had me crying with laughter. You tell a very good story!