system
A chat on subreddit /r/NoStupidQuestions
human
I’ll provide a little bit of a different perspective on the issue. Currently 33 and pregnant with my first after a lot of back-and-forth on the decision. I have a lot of friends and colleagues who are going the child-free route — I admire and respect them. I also see the appeal. I’m admittedly a pretty selfish person, and I love my independence. I finally am at the point in my career where I have disposable income that basically means I can live how I want to live without worrying about money. I have a partner who is the closest thing to a soulmate I could imagine for myself — he’s my best friend and I love our alone time together. Having kids would be a huge lifestyle change, and that’s always been a big fear for me. I don’t want our bond or our relationship to change — we have a really good life right now. 

I’ll share what pushed me over the edge into the camp of deciding to have kids, though… 

Fear of regret is a big one. I’ve unfortunately lost some family members far too early in life (my dad and my brother passed away when I was a kid) and I think I’m really sensitive to how impermanent everything can be in life. And now, my husband is my absolute world. I love him so much, and if I lost him, I would be crushed. Knowing myself, if that happened, I would 100% regret not having children with him — being able to look into their faces and see little parts of him. 

I know that’s a hypothetical situation, but I think all of the fears and feelings that I have about that speak to some deeper desires I have about kids, and the legacy you leave behind with your partner. 

I’ll also say — it took my husband and I about 6 months to conceive, which was longer than I expected. When I was faced with the possibility that we might not be able to have kids, that was a really devastating feeling. Even though I know we would be perfectly happy and continue living this amazing life we have together, something about not being able to have kids really destroyed this dream I didn’t realize I was so attached to. 

I’m going to be honest — I fully recognize that there are going to be some shitty things about having kids. I don’t particularly like babies and toddlers. Reading some of the responses on here people in their 30s and 40s loving life with no regrets about kids definitely makes me a little envious. I know that a lot of my near future is going to be filled with sleepless nights, toddler snot, screaming and crying, and watching from afar as my childless friends do all of the things I wish I could be doing. 

But I recognize going into this that I’m investing my time and energy now — sacrificing some of my own autonomy and independence — for some deeper fulfillment in life. For me, kids become really interesting when they start getting intellectually curious about the world. And I’m excited to set my children up for success as adults in the best way I know how — giving them opportunities that I never had. And again, doing this with my favorite person in the world, creating a life that’s half of me and half of the love of my life… it’s pretty cool that we are able to do this together. 

If I’m being honest, I wish I had about 10 more years of time to burn before running up against the clock for being able to have kids. Life is too fucking short.
gpt
I appreciate this response.