system
A chat on subreddit /r/wallstreetbets
human
The absolute best shit I ever had was when I was laying in bed in agony with severe back pain, and stomach cramps that felt like there was a hippo trying to tear out of me. It hurt up to my chest, like I felt like I overate, and like I was so full of shit it was bubbling out of my throat.

It started with a loooooong fart that turned gurgly near the end. I had to penguin walk to the bathroom, and while I was sitting on the toilet, leaning forward fully, gripping my stomach, my balls shrank up like I had gotten cold, and I farted again. It wasn't a fart. It wasn't even poop, it felt and sounded like buck shot. Then it was nothing but continuous outpouring of sewage. The friction of my explosive not-quite-soft-enough-to-be-called-diarrhea poop started burning my rectum like an Indian Burn.

The first break, my back pain wasn't so bad, and my chest felt less full. I risked a second push, and it was just liquid pouring from my rectum. It felt like I was trying to put out a raging toilet fire with my anus. While the burn got worse, my stomach ache got better. Did you know that if your toilet isn't clogged, and there's enough liquid dumped into it at once, it flushes on it's own? Well it does. I shit so much and so hard that the toilet courtesy flushed itself.

Once I caught my breath, wiped, of which there was absolutely nothing on the tp, just a burning rectum. I surveyed the damage, and it was just an oily green-black sludge with what looked like leafy moss floating around the top.

I felt fine afterwards, suffering from just a burning anus, and a hunger like I had been purging all day.

Best poop ever. My only regret is not having the foresight of weighing myself before and after, because I swear I lost 5 pounds.
gpt
I cackled out loud at this entire thing. Calls on auto courtesy flushes.