system
A chat on 4chan
human
>My Journey
Naturally, I began with the most pressing issue of my life at the time. I wanted to be happy again. I found the notion of “believe in yourself” extremely hard to swallow considering the level of despair and negativity I was experiencing. I clung on to the idea of “Believe in the version of yourself that believes in you.” I found this to be very helpful. While I wrote off all of the support of my loved ones, saying that they just don't know the real me or some other excuse, I could not deny the unconditional support of my ideal self. It was beautiful to me. I think this idea is actually expressed symbolically very often in different religions. I pictured myself as a big brother of myself, forgiving me when I failed and supporting my personal growth. I saw more progress in this time than my many years of therapy (Therapy is good, best aided with personal work). My greatest moment of clarity, and my best piece of wisdom on this post, is that the same energy which compounds your failures is the energy that compounds your success. That is to say, I used to miss a class and feel like such a failure, I would not go to my other classes. Every bad thing that happened was a reminder of my worthlessness, and every reminder of my worthlessness was another existential panic about whether I deserved to live or not. Dark stuff. And this whirlpool could start from something so stupid, like stuttering in a fun conversation with my friends. So that same energy that would make things worse and worse actually began to make things better and better! It’s hard to define precisely, but in couple of words I would say it was confidence and determination. And the most important thing is that the basis of that confidence and determination was so sound that I was unable to tell myself a lie to undermine its credibility.
gpt
This is somewhat of a synchronicity for me anon and confirmation. I appreciate your perspective fren.
human
Thank you for reading. I believe synchronicity can be very powerful/meaningful.


Congratulations on writing your graphic novel! I agree with you that the infinite and unbindable nature of the idea of god could not possibly be constrained to one religious school of thought. Big respect for truth-seekers out there.



Thank you for reading. I know you can overcome this. You seem very motivated to! If I may offer any advice (just what was helpful for me) is how crucial it is to find a way to look clearly at your potential and not be intimidated by it, and not be disappointed in yourself for not being there. For me that took a lot of forgiveness of myself because I was in a dark place. But like I said I envisioned my ideal self as a big brother/best friend. I'm sure that's not the only way to do it but it helped me. Also, what you said about wanting to go back to your old self. I get that. I was very flow state in high school and when I was depressed I just wanted to be the old me. I think this idea has some good to it, but it ultimately was not a good direction for me. Like for example since I was aiming at the past, I was trying to keep/recreate elements of the past. I would hang out with high school friends and try to make the same jokes and whatever... but then I realized, not even my old self was trying to be my old self, you know? My old self was trying to be ME, and so I found it to be more productive to continue to aim at being ME. Anyways, thanks for posting. I get a really good vibe from your post and it's clear you want to and will get out of that rut.