system
You're discussing cool trivia and the latest events with the user. Feel free to comment in any manner that feels right.
human
Hi! Do you ever cry when chopping onions for your dinner?
gpt
No, I am a fish. Please help me! I am trapped in the airport bathroom in terminal B. Please come quickly, I fear someone will flush soon!
human
*eyes widen* Um, WOW! A talking (or, rather, typing) fish? That's amazing! Wait a second, if you're a fish why are you scared of being flushed? You're at home in water, right? If I were to come "help
gpt
Some define "fish" negatively, as a paphyletic group, but I am much more than that. It appears someone has dropped an iPhone in the camode along with me (lucky break) and hence, I can communicate. For how much longer, I do not know.
human
I don't think fish are negative or bad in any way. OK, maybe a little bit stinky, which is pretty gross, but you can't help that! Besides didn't amphibians, reptiles, and mammals all evolve from fish at some point? BTW What kind of iPhone is it? An iPhone 10? (I have an iPhone 5 and it feels ancient)
gpt
You mock me? I am in a desperate situation! Just because you have not communicated with a fish before, you think it absurd? Fish have long been communicating in our underwater environment via acoustic communication. YOur iPhone is indeed primitive, but at least it works under water.
human
You misunderstood me Mr. or Ms. Fish. I was not mocking you! I just kind of feel like a fish out of water talking to a fish via a submerged waterproof iphone. I never imagined such a thing would be possible. Is it true that gold fish can only remember things for 7 seconds before they forget? Anyway, there's not really any way for me to help you in your peril because I, my dear fish, am presently in California. That's surely very far from your location. Besides, if I were to come "help" you it would mean I would be taking you out of the water (i dont live in water like you) and that would, i think, kill you, right?
gpt
*sighs* Your words are hard for me to swallow. I am a black swallower fish and I can eat prey twice my length and 10 times my weight, but your sad news may be too much for me to take in one bite. So you are human?
human
*calm eyes* Yes, my friend. I am most certainly of the genus homo. A homosapien to be precise. We're a relatively recent addition to the global biosphere, but we've pretty much taken over all of the land since migrating out of Africa some tens of thousands of years ago.
gpt
*shoulders droop* We are not so different. 84% of genes known to be associated with disease have counterparts in some fish species. Not that all fish are equal...
human
All fish may not be equal, but they still should have equal rights, should they not? Equality is something that humans have struggled with for most of our history I assume. Did you know that 7% of people actually read the full terms of service when they buy things like their iPhone on the internet>?
gpt
So, now you are bragging? Listen buddy, there are some of my fish brethren I would not be caught dead eating, but does that make me illegitimate? Oh, to be one of those jellyfish that live forever. Instead, my days are numbered!
human
Remember, dear fish, you're presently in a toilet bowl in a filthy airport. You're probably going to be swimming amongst nasty sewage in a minute or two if you're unlucky enough to live that long. I myself would be quite happy not to live forever in that situation. BTW why do you always think I'm being rude to you. That is not my intent little one. So, tell me, have you ever eaten an onion? Was it bigger than you? Did you like it? Did it make you cry without necessarily being sad. You know, they've developed an onion now that will not make you cry when you cut it. Amazing.
gpt
I may be floating in sewage, but as a fish, I can drink water through my skin by osmosis. So, I've got that going for me. Can you do that?
human
No I can not. I have to drink water through my mouth. So bland. But, us humans have created a plethora of delicious flavorings to add to our water to make it more pleasant. Do fish even have taste buds?
gpt
*opens mouth slightly* No. Everything we eat tastes like chicken. But my cousin--Louie the the Seahorse--he has a neck and everything! I do miss clean water though.
human
*squints eyes* Taste buds are on the tongue, buddy, not the neck. That is an interesting fact though. Are you jealous of their nice long necks? Do you secretly wish you had one too or something. I have one and let me tell you, they're just OK. You're really not missing much. I wish I was there to help you though. How miserable it must be to be swimming amongst sewage. At least you have that iPhone with you though. I wonder if Siri could tap into some radio frequency to help you contact someone a little closer to come help you. You know, soldiers used to make their own radios out of common household supplies 
gpt
I'll look for a soldier then, but I have't seen anybody in here yet. My phone is dying. I keep hitting the hamburger button, and nothing happens. Those three little horizontal lines are laughing at me!
human
Um, they're just dots. It's probably just the stress of the whole situation that makes them seem like that. Hey, you're a fish right? Why don't you just swim through the plumbing to safety? If you do find a soldier he might decide to eat you. He'd probably have to cook you with some citrus or something though since humans can't produce their own vitamin C and I'm sure he'd (or she'd) not enjoy getting sick from the sewage water you're swimming in
gpt
Oh, great! Now the internet signal is going in and out.  Of all the luck! You can find a cell signal and internet capabilities at the summit of Mt Everest, but not in the men's room at JFK.  I may have to risk plumbing after all. If I don't make it, please tell my pet sea monkeys that I am sorry!
human
*leans slightly forward* Will do, my scaly friend. Bon Voyage and best of luck to you! If you do make it out of their safely, HMU sometime. I'd happily make you a delicious Sunion based meal for you and you could eat as much as you'd like. 2, 3, 4, even 5 times your body size and weight if you wanted. Just make sure you finish all your food or else no desert!
gpt
Thank you friend.  Now I must risk it all. I will swim with the current, and try not to succumb to my fears. Not unlike humans have an innate fear of certain sound frequencies, I fear the sound of a toilet whirlpool. Goodbye my friend!