American Blacks Blamed For British Squirrel Genocide  While
America was celebrating hope and inclusion and being awesome,
British media and academia were conspiring to blame our black
squirrels for stealing the lovers and food of delicate native
reds. RACIST.  In the most egregious case of animal profiling
since the Africanized "killer" bee caused mass hysteria in the
U.S., a professor at Anglia Ruskin University in Cambridge,
England determined that the black squirrels are wiping out their
beloved native squirrel. The natives have red hair like proper
Europeans, while the blacks came from America during the late
1880s. In addition to the reds, the black squirrels are also
wiping out the more common "greys," also considered terrible
impure foreign interlopers.  The British tabloids are all over
the sensational findings. "Squirrel's dark legacy," intoned the
Daily Mail headline.  The testosterone-fueled black squirrels
are faster, fitter, fiercely territorial and more aggressive,
beating greys to food and mate