Monday, March 25, 2013   Though we cannot confirm reports
claiming that Bashar Al-Assad was assassinated, we can
definitely confirm that he is/was indeed an ass. We can also
confirm reports of an attempted assassination on the life of
Col. Riad Al-Ass’aad, founder of the Free Syrian army, and that
the resignation of opposition leader Moaz Al-Khatib stemmed from
the fact that he was too much of a no-bullshit man for the
bullshit of Syrian opposition politics. Finally, we can confirm
the complete irrelevance of conscience and its dictates in world
politics.  Sunday March 24, 2013  Today’s Death Toll: 139
martyrs, including 8 women,15 children, 2 in a reported chemical
weapons attack (in Adra) and 6 under torture: 75 in Damascus and
Subrubs, 26 in Aleppo, 20 in Homs, 8 in Daraa, 3 in Deir Ezzor,
4 in Idlib, 2 in Hama, and 1 in Hassakeh (LCCs).  Points of
Random Shelling: 357 points.  Aerial bombardments counted in 27
points. Scud bombing counted in 1 point. Shelling using Surface-
to-Surface missiles counted in 1