Fellows, after years of scientific study, I have discovered the
sure-fire, never-fail, perfect gift for the Mrs. on Mother's
Day. Yes, I realize she is not your mother, but a gift is always
expected on these occasions, for that is just a fact of life.
Leave the house.  I don't mean leave in the mid-life crisis
sense of the term, when you get a Corvette and head off to Los
Angeles with a redhead. No, I mean leave for the day to go
fishing or play golf. It seems contrary to what might be
expected, but it is a mistake to stick around and try to cook
breakfast, or worse, take a gang to brunch. Brunch is the sixth
ring of hell under any circumstances, but especially so on a
nice spring Sunday morning. Don't torture yourself.  More
importantly, don't torture her. Secretly, they want you to
leave. Often it isn't even a secret. They need a day of peace
and relaxation. You will only get in the way of such pursuits.
Sticking around all day when all they want to do is read a book
or flip through Oprah's new magazine is