Welcome to Pissing Contest, a weekly story sharing circle for
the the ass-draggiest time of the afternoon on the ass-draggiest
time of the last day between you and the weekend (or, in this
case, national holiday). Every week, we'll ask a question,
you'll share stories, and we'll pick a winner that's featured in
the next week's post. It's like a pyramid scheme of outdoing
each other!  All it takes is one. One man in a sea of men who
lacks the self control or level of perception necessary to
detect that maybe the pregnant woman who is sitting alone on a
park bench reading a book and eating a salad doesn't want to be
romantically wooed by a stranger who smells like Swisher Sweets.
One Seamless delivery person who, after bringing a certain
Jezebel staffer her midnight order of cheese fries, mashed
potatoes, and a milkshake, follows up the order by sending the
following text message:  The Weirdest Way You've Been Hit On
One braying idiot who compliments a woman on her excellent tits
as she gingerly scoops her do