Bare Smokies Bear Market Has Researchers Seeking New Quarry
Failing to hit the black in bear studies, scientists will stalk
the rare, elusive "convention center profit margin" instead
From APB reports. KNOXVILLE - For the first time in 42 years,
because of a lack of funding, students and faculty with the
University of Tennessee won't be heading to the Great Smoky
Mountains National Park to monitor the black bears. Instead,
they'll be taking the trolley to the World's Fair Park in search
of the seldom-seen "profit margins" rumored to haunt the habitat
of the Knoxville Convention Center.  Dr. Abraham Van Helsing,
adjunct professor with UT's Department of Cryptozoology
(formerly the Department of Forestry, Wildlife and Fisheries),
and the project's supervisor, said the shift in his team's focus
came as no surprise. He explained that funding the study of
black bears is unprofitable, whereas finding deficit funding for
convention centers with chimerical rationales for existence
appears to be a growth industry.