I just need a place to put this all down. I have struggled with
my sexual identity for 4 plus years. The thoughts I have
regarding both sexes trouble me deeply. I have been reducing
people to body parts for a long time. I really want to put an
end to this.  I was exposed to pornography at a very young age.
Magazines, videos, and language we all a part of the abuse. I
have used pornography compulsively ever since, and masturbation
as well. My fantasies as a kid growing up involved women. I
entered a highly sexualized relationship at 15 and stayed with
her for 6 years. During that span I got into drugs and continued
to use porn heavily. The relationship was all about sex. I
stuffed the abuse so deep down that even I forgot it was there.
The bubble eventually burst wide open and I had to end the
relationship or die trying.  I moved back in with my parents and
began inner work. I remember lifting weights in the basement
when the thought of two men being sexual with one another
entered my mind. It was the first ti