Edition: U.S. / Global  Alter Egos Who Put the 'R' in R.S.V.P.
Published: December 5, 1999  SEATED at her mahogany desk on the
fifth floor of a town house on Sutton Square, surrounded by
prints of thoroughbred horses, Meredith Palin juggled the
details of a busy life spent between homes in Manhattan,
Southampton and Lyford Cay, in the Bahamas. Not her life, her
employer's.  First, the Southampton housekeeper called to say
the Christmas lights might need to be replaced before she and
the handyman came to the city to decorate the Manhattan house
for the holidays. Then there was a large box sitting on the desk
that someone on the household staff had wrapped without noting
who it was for. And the four phone lines were ringing with
people R.S.V.P.-ing to one of two Christmas parties.  ''It's
tricky,'' said Ms. Palin, pulling out two lists from a desk
drawer. ''I have to make sure I put everyone on the right one.''
Five days a week, eight hours a day, Ms. Palin works as a social
secretary to Sandra McConnell, the