return to screencuisine    Is That Saliva In Your Ass, Or Are
You Just Happy To See Me?  Ten Things I Hate About Porn  If you
were to ask me what my least favorite thing about porn is, it
would be that the rewind button on my VCR's remote control is
broken.  As anyone who owns a porno can tell you, in a two hour
compilation tape there are a total of maybe eleven seconds that
do it for you.  Rewinding and replaying your favorite bit is
often necessary, and it takes away from the experience if you
have to get out of bed and squat in front of the VCR to do it.
Now that I've branded the image of me squatting naked and
aroused in front of my TV into your brain, let me state that my
busted remote is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to
annoying things about porn, and we're talking about an iceberg
of Titanic proportions.  Here's the rest of what bugs me:  1. 
Spitting  Not once have I looked at an attractive woman in a bar
or coffee shop or nursing home and thought, "Man, would I ever
like to take her home