This whole thread circles around the same issues for me. I was
abused by an older male cousin. He was around 11 and I was
around 4. It ended when my aunt and uncle got divorced. I never
saw him again. I was so young and I didn't realize that this was
not normal. I also just forgot that it happened. Sort of. I knew
it had, but I discounted it as not having any effect on me
because I was too young. I started having sexual desires toward
girls at 6 and I was very ashamed of it and my self.  I started
to cross-dress and have "strange" behaviors while masturbating
in elementary school. They were actually not all that strange,
but at 8 - 10 I was unable to deal with them. I was always
looking for the perfect girlfriend who would "prove that I
wasn't screwed up." Needless to say that did not work out.  Due
to the CSA and some other reasons, I thought that being gay was
the norm; that I was supposed to be gay or at least bisexual. I
felt tremendous anger towards gays and myself. I also wasn't
gay. I was terrified by