Ranch Dressing Is America&#39;s Only CondimentS  Unwrap your
lips from your processed Cheez-Delivery Snack'm Tube-Brand Corn
Snaxxx and pay attention, America. This is important. Sure,
you've been doing your best to consume your annual 137-gallon
allotment of high fructose corn syrup, and your 92 pounds of
Cheez annually. But do your standard condiments contain a
sufficient amount of saturated fat and artificial flavors? Or
could you be doing more?  Here's one easy, patriotic thing you
can do to contribute to America's War on Health: instead of
using plain old ketchup (zero fat) on your burgers, hot dogs,
fries, popcorn, ice cream, and waffles, why not use Ranch
dressing instead? There's no easier way to add thousands of
calories of pure fat to your diet every day, with no added
vitamins, while successfully causing the rest of the world to
wretch in disgust at our collective resignation to a life of
riding motorized scooters through the grocery store. The WSJ's
Sarah Nassauer, who should be nominated for the