Darth Vader Given Arrest Warrant, Pleads Guilty to AssaultS
After Darth Vader kicked a Jedi Master's ass with the Dark Side
of the Crutch, District Judge Andrew Shaw issued an arrest
warrant against the Lord of the Sith. After dictating it, he
added: "I hope the force will soon be with him" (really—God save
the Judge, Queen, and English humor.) Vader arrived later,
pleading guilty to assault. During the trial, however, the court
found that the events weren't exactly as we were initially told:
the Jedis were actually even more moronic than previously
imagined.  To start with, dork n  mero uno—hairdresser Barney
Jones—wasn't being interviewed for a documentary on the first
Jedi Church of England. He was filming himself, "fighting" with
"lightsabers" in the garden, probably while being watched by
Yoda, Mace Windu, Obi Wan, and the rest of their imaginary pals,
who actually were the only ones with actual girlfriends in the
backyard at the time.  Vader, whose real name is not Anakin
Skywalker but Arwel Wynne Hugh