Two Christmas Songs I Really Hate!  Two Christmas Songs I Really
Hate!  I know "hate" and "Christmas" probably shouldn't be in
the same sentence, so how about "despise"?  Anyway, I absolutely
loathe "The Little Drummer Boy".  I find it slow and tedious and
pretentious and annoying.  Hearing it over and over again is the
equivalent of putting hot pokers under my nails.  The only
version I can tolerate is the duet between Bing Crosby and David
Bowie, and that's only because it's so unbelievably bizarre that
the weirdness makes it rather compelling.  The other Christmas
ditty I want to go away for all time is "Have Yourself a Merry
Little Christmas."  It's a brilliant tune, mind you, and Judy
Garland sang the shit out of it, but it's just so sad and
poignant and depressing that instead of lifting a glass of
eggnog by the end of it, you want to put shards of glass to your
veins.  Every time that song comes on somewhere, I no longer
believe in Santa Claus -- or in the value of life itself.  Make
it stop!  A Christ