   Local Man "Totally Cranking" American Idol Crystal Bowersox
(Toledo, OH) Local embellishment specialist Dwayne Baxter told
Toledo Tales reporters that his string of recent conquests
includes local singer-songwriter Crystal Bowersox, a finalist in
the 2010 American Idol competition.  "Straight up: Crystal was
climbing all over my Johnson the other night," Baxter recounted.
"She was riding my business like superglued cowgirl on a meth-
snorting bronco, brother."  The unemployed sheet metalworker
said that he and Bowersox met at a local pub after her recent
return to the Toledo area.  "I was just sitting there, minding
my own grill, when she came up behind me and reached around for
a tug at Mr. Happy," he chuckled. "It's funny how even celebrity
chicks forget about their reputations when they get a good look
at my junk. Hell, just last week I was out to LA visiting some
friends and I banged Jessica Simpson, Cameron Diaz, and Ellen
DeGeneres at the same fucking party. Yessir: even the lesbians
can't resist the