You must login (register) to review. Reviewer: Corriebird Signed
starhalf-star [Report This] Date: 07/05/2008 06:55 PM Title:
Chapter 1  good start-- next time don't explain things so much.
For instance, "Ron Weasley was meeting his friends Harry Potter
and Neville Longbottom for their weekly buddy get together at
the Three Broomsticks," could easily be shortened to, "Ron was
meeting Harry and Neville at the Three Broomsticks, where they
often hung out together."  That's much smoother. Know your
audience! This is a harry potter website, so we're going to have
read most of the series, if not all. you don't have to explain
background.  Author's Response:  Thanks for your thoughtful
review, Corriebird.  As I'm not an English native, one of the
things I know I do too much is explain stuff in my fics. I know
my audience but when a writer doesnt write in their mother
language, this can happens.  Thanks for pointing it. :)  Glad
you liked for taking your time for review.  You must login
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