L'Ecole, Scottsdale Culinary Institute, 8100 East Camelback,
Scottsdale, 990-7639. Hours: Lunch, Monday through Friday, 11:30
a.m. to 1 p.m.; Dinner, Monday through Friday, reservations from
6:30 to 8:30 p.m.  Giving students hands-on experience in real-
world situations sounds like a useful training technique.
Unless, of course, the victim the students happen to have their
hands on is me. Naturally, we human guinea pigs get a price
break to reward our courage. And supervisors are always around
to see that nothing goes drastically wrong. But I don't care how
low the cost, or how many expert doctors of dentistry hover
around my chair--no first-year, drill-wielding sadist who
couldn't get into medical school is going to perform periodontal
wizardry in my mouth. And I don't care if the haircut is free--
no way would I let a barber-school apprentice work on what's
left on my head.  So it was with great trepidation that I
decided to entrust my prime source of joy in this world--dinner
--to postadolescent chef wanna-b