No speka da English   AT an afternoon lawn party I found myself
sitting next to a bearded fellow who was mumbling. Thinking he
was saying something to me, I leaned in his direction and said,
``I beg your pardon?'' He leaned in my direction and said
something like, ``Lernas la lingvo Esperanto?'' I gave him a
blank look.  ``Have you learned how to speak Esperanto?'' he
snapped. ``It's the internacia lingvo! Por la tuto mondo!''  ``I
have a hard enough time learning to speak good English,'' I said
in an effort to lighten the conversation. He bit his sandwich as
if it were my neck. ``I never find anyone who speaks it.'' He
chewed scornfully. ``Everyone speaks some kind of English. It's
revolting!''  Recommended: Could you pass a US citizenship test?
I tried to think of something helpful. ``You speak a lot of
languages?'' I asked.  ``A few,'' he actually smiled. ``Besides
English and Esperanto, I speak Ngulu, Edo, and Urdu.''  This
effectively stopped the conversation. I not only didn't speak
any of the language