Welcome to the column. Glad you're here. Plenty for me to write
about. Lots for you to read. Should be a great fit.  Before we
begin, however, I have a question. For you. An important one. A
question I need to ask. But don't worry. It's quick and easy --
and once we get it out of the way, I'll be able to move on with
the rest of the piece.  Do you like girls?  Go ahead. Answer.
Don't be shy. Do you like girls? By which I mean: do you wish
the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue featured a
little less parka and a little more Kate Upton? Or maybe you
like guys. Maybe you wish that SI cover sported a little less
Upton and a lot more David Beckham. That's cool, too. Whatever.
The crucial thing is that you tell me. Because I really do need
to know. Somehow, some way, it might affect your enjoyment of
what I'm about to type. Or cause you to leave a nasty comment
below. Or get you to recommend me to your friends. Or prompt you
to share this on social media. Or lead you to book me on the
"Today" show. Or s