While Nintendo has never provided an official timeline for the
many adventures of Mario, forensic science holds the key to
piecing together the complicated life of one of this
generation's most iconic figures.  By taking into account such
physical characteristics as his full-bodied mustache and mental
traits such as the acuity needed to perform certain tasks
(breaking bricks with cranium), we can make reasonable
assumptions about the man's age during the events of each game.
Here, for the first time, is the most accurate representation of
Mario's life as we know it.  Age 0-1: Dropped by a stork onto
the back of a dinosaur in the Mushroom Kingdom. Rescues brother
from the clutches of a magical turtle on a broomstick.  Age
1-35: New York-based paisan plumber.  Age 36 and one day: Signs
lucrative contract with the Endless Barrel Company. Arrives at
the construction site of their future headquarters to take
preliminary measurements, winds up rescuing a young woman from
the clutches of a large ape.  Age 36 and tw