Thursday, January 24, 2013  Bathroom Monologue: An Ode to the
Towel  Hark and grace unto this invention: the towel. Yes, you
can dip it in barbecue sauce, or nutrients for later sucking, or
hail a spaceship with it, but there are other uses.  Here,
humanity has said, “I have this wetness all over me and no
biological recourse against it. I would dry it with my hair,
only my hair is wet.”  And what was humanity’s answer? To create
a rectangle of something else’s hair to get wet for you, with as
little effort as a brief application and a tap. Or a scrub, or a
rub, or a flossing motion that you really ought not to try when
other people are around. It absorbs wetness even better than
human hair, and is thus an improvement on evolution, a superior
portable toupee that you can wear over your head, or around your
genitals, or as a cape, unless your friends are judgmental
pricks.  They are cheap, efficient, and do a job evolution
utterly failed at despite having shat us out of the ocean by
several million years of ef