The 9 Most Terrifying Attempts to Improve Popular Foods  #4.
Funky Fries  Here is something you would think the board of
directors wouldn't want to hear when you're trying to pitch a
new food product:  "Simply put, they're not what a potato is
supposed to be."  But you'd be wrong, because that's how H.J.
Heinz decided to market Funky Fries, and somebody fucking went
for it.  Sexy: Something else potatoes aren't supposed to be.
In case you're the type of square cat that needs to be told,
Funky Fries are french fries that come in a variety of flavors
like chocolate, cinnamon, sour cream and blue. Yes, blue. As
that's not an actual flavor, we're going to venture a guess and
say they either tasted like wintergreen, blueberry or engine
coolant.  Hmmm... better find something to dip them in, then.
How about...  #3. Colored Ketchup  A few years ago Heinz decided
that the few people in the world still not eating ketchup must
be objecting to the awful tomato-red color. So, they started
cranking out ketchup in a horri