DEAR CAROLYN: My husband's brother has advanced cirrhosis. The
prognosis sounds grim. My mother-in-law, who is taking care of
him, is adamant that my husband not help. She's taking all the
burden on herself, and she doesn't want her husband to know how
much she is doing.  This is a normal dynamic for this family --
nobody ever speaks the truth about what they need and want. Do
we overrule her and tell her my husband is coming over to help,
which I think she would appreciate, or do we respect her stated
wishes?  For what it's worth, I think he should just go; my
husband is not certain. This martyr-syndrome, "Oh no, we don't
want to be a burden" thing, drives me nuts. So that could be
coloring my view of this.   DEAR ANONYMOUS: How sad. It sounds
as if these unspoken truths are claiming their victims.    If
your husband felt strongly that one of these options was right,
then he'd be right to make that choice, whichever it was.  Since
he's conflicted, he will need to find his answer somewhere other
than his moth