How to Be an Atheist Without Being a Dick About It  I'm an
atheist and I'm embarrassed. Not because I'm self-conscious
about my convictions (lol, no), but because so many people
insist on being such condescending dicks in the name of atheism.
I didn't settle on my belief system because it's a great
opportunity for me to dunk on church ladies—it's my belief
system because I believe in it. Or, don't believe in it.
Whatever. And I don't appreciate people turning my worldview
into some weird, weaponized intellectual superiority complex.
Religion is awful in a lot of ways, yes. But that doesn't mean
you have to be awful too.  So, okay, in my heart, I am certain:
that shit's not real. Even "certain" isn't quite accurate,
because it implies the possibility of choice, of something
outside this conviction. I'm not "certain" of this conviction—I
am this conviction. At this point, the idea that god would enter
my world in any sort of non-academic capacity is as laughable as
the notion that I might hire Jenny McCarthy to