Wednesday, June 22, 2011  New Beginning 863    “May we come in?”
Opening: Ryoryo.....Continuation: Dixon   AlaskaRavenclaw
said...  Great continuation.  There are a lot of contradictions
in a short space here. He loves visiting his sister (and the
children, presumably) but he hates the noise (made by the
children). Loud noise can seldom be converted to pleasant
stillness just by closing a door-- relative calm, maybe.  And
then the men on the stoop were the last thing he'd expected to
see-- and yet he wonders if they've come for him. So he must've
been expecting them... because usually when there are men on the
stoop, they just want to give you pamphlets.  I think we need to
know more about the men who appear on the stoop in order for us
to get some sense that they're a threat. A brief description or
something.  Evil Editor said...  P1. I would change "promised"
to "offered." "Promised" could give the impression he's
responsible for the mess or that housecleaning was a condition
of his staying there.  I