America Is Almost Ready, Mr. Bin-Laden  By: Eddie Clements
Osama Bin-Laden, Sheik Headquarters Cave, New Caliphate  Dear
Mr. Bin-Laden:  How are you today? Since you are living in a
cave in the mountains of somewhere-stan, you may not have heard
we U.S. Americans have a new president. His name is Barack
Obama, and he is a messiah, which sounds kind of like being a
sheik. His middle name is Hussein, like Saddamâ€™s last name. Do
you think they are related? By the way, Iâ€™m sorry about your
friend Saddam. We are busy in America stamping out freedom
everywhere in preparation for your visit. Citizens in three
states passed votes saying marriage can only be between a man
and a woman. Does Islam have laws like that? The President
Ahmadinajad said there are no homosexuals in Iran, which is kind
of hard to believe because almost everybody is supposed to be
homosexual here but is oppressed or suppressed, I canâ€™t
remember which. The homosexuals here refuse to accept the vote
against them marrying other homosexuals