Death Race  Vote Or Die of Boredom! One Man's Election-Day Saga
Before I start, I would like to address all of you who filled
out an absentee ballot prior to this election: You know your
vote doesn't count, right? It totally doesn't. Whenever they get
an absentee ballot in the mail, they just throw that shit away.
Because you took the easy way out. You didn't stand in line with
the plebes and jackoffs for three hours to vote when you were
supposed to. Noooooo, you tried to weasel your way into voting
early just so you could go gallivanting around Spain or have a
scheduled splenectomy. That's why your absentee ballot is now
burning in an oil drum fire as we speak. I went with my family
and voted in person today, because I'm a real American.  They
give kids the day off from school here so that they can use
local schools as voting stations. This is a serious problem
because that means many parents have to bring their kids WITH
them (as I did) to go vote, and kids aren't morons. They know
that participating in