What I'm really thinking: the deaf woman  'Sometimes, a look of
distaste crosses a person's face, as if they're worried deafness
is catching' The deaf woman: what I'm really thinking illo
Illustration: Photograph: Lo Cole for the Guardian  The
apologies are the worst. "I can't hear," I say. "Oh, sorry,"
they say. Why are they sorry? It's no one's fault. The best
reaction? When people say, "Oh, OK," and repeat what they said
slowly and more clearly.  Still, there are plus sides. When
someone phones to sell credit cards or insurance, I play a game
of seeing how many times I can get them to repeat who they are
before they hang up, gnawing their elbows in despair. Yes, I
feel twinges of guilt – they probably work in a call centre to
feed their kids – but cruel delight, too.  Sometimes, a look of
distaste crosses someone's face, as if they're worried it's
catching. I often wonder if they're judging me: equating hearing
loss with reduced intelligence or ability. I can never be sure
of a reaction – will they make a