'Sup dude. Hope you don't mind that I let myself in, but when
all of your windows are broken and one of your bedroom walls is
in pieces on the side lawn, that's kind of an open invitation,
am I right? Anyway, to make up for those two bottles of Jameson
I drank last night I went ahead and picked you up a small coffee
from McDonald's. Catch! Whoa. Damn. Sorry, dude. I coulda sworn
that lid was on tighter. But I guess if I partied as hearty as
you did last night I'd also remain completely motionless when
something was thrown at my face.  Heh. I can tell from how red
and scabby your ugly mug is getting that you probably don't
remember a thing from last night after your old buddy Derek
dared you to chug that bottle of benzene. Well I can't think of
a better way to ring in 2009 than to sit back and--actually you
probably shouldn't move because I don't think your leg's
supposed to bend that way. Lemme just put out that laundry fire
you've got going in the corner there and then I'll fill you in
on why your New Year's