I'm always hearing people go on and on about how American rehab
clinics are the best in the world. You gotta be kidding me!
Sure, the U.S. has a few decent clinics, but after being in and
out of rehab for three years on the other side of the pond, I
think I'm qualified to say that rehab clinics are way cooler in
Europe.  I was in a 35-day program in Austria, trying to kick
heroin, and my roommate was this 74-year-old Viennese guy named
Jorg. Every morning, he'd boil up a pot of coffee, take a deep
breath, and stick his hand in it. In the middle of the night,
he'd be up with the shakes, sweating profusely and screaming all
this crazy shit in German. I swear, man, it was like something
out of a Burroughs novel. How fucking cool is that? You're not
going to see shit like that in some lame clinic in Sacramento.
One of the patients on my floor, a guy who'd been there for 35
years, told me all about the history of the place, how it once
survived a World War II looting when doctors told the Nazi SS
that beloved ope