six o'clock
Was he afraid ? He , who had never to her knowledge shrunk from any danger , and who in the army had shown reckless indifference even when he supposed his wounds to be mortal , was now watching her as though he feared to have her leave his side . In his extreme weakness , unable to lift his head , his mind evidently beginning to wander , perhaps he felt the need of her companionship , and dreaded solitude and death as she did . For half the night she pondered over this weakening of the will in the face of omnipotence crushing out the last spark of life , and was doubly startled when , the nurse coming to relieve her at six o'clock , she leaned over to kiss her father 's forehead and found him looking at her in his old humorous way , while , in a low whisper , speaking slowly , as though he would not yield to the enemy that clutched his heart , he said : `` It 's not so bad , Esther , when you come to it . '' The tears started into Esther 's eyes . It was only with an effort more violent than she had thought was in her power , that she forced herself to smile . Now that she had come to it , she thought it was very bad ; worse than any thing she had ever imagined ; she wanted to escape , to run away , to get out of life itself , rather than suffer such pain , such terror , such misery of helplessness ; but after an instant 's pause , her father whispered again , though his voice died away in weakness : `` Laugh , Esther , when you 're in trouble !