morning, noon
Pa and the Bad Boy Among the Train Robbers -- Pa Tries to Persuade the Head Bandit to Become a Financier -- The Bandit Prefers Train Robbery and Puts Up a Good Argument . I used to think I would like to be a train robber , and have a nice gang of boys to do my bidding . I have often pictured my gang putting a red light on the track and stopping a train laden with gold , holding a revolver to the head of the engineer , and compelling him to go and dynamite the express car . Then we would fill our pockets and haversacks with rolls of bills that would choke a hippopotamus , and ride away to our shack in the mountains , divide up the swag , go on a trip to New York , bathe in champagne , dress like millionaires , go to theaters morning , noon and night , eat lobster until our stomachs would form an anti-lobster union , and be so gay the people would think we were young Vandergoulds . Since Pa and I were captured by the Hole-in-the-Wall gang I have found that all is not glorious in the train-robbing and capturing-for-ransom business , and that robbers are never happy except when a robbery is safely over , and the gang gets good and drunk . The first day or two after Pa and I and the traitorous cowboys were captured , we had a pretty nice time , eating canned stuff and elk meat , and Pa was kept busy telling the gang of what had happened in the outside world for several months , as the gang did not read the daily papers . When they robbed a train they let the newsboy alone for fear he would get the drop on them .