midnight
Dorothea tried hard to drown her grief in the grief of Belgium . But she could not drown it . She could only poison it with thoughts that turned it into something more terrible than grief . They came to her regularly , beginning after midnight , when she lay in bed and should have slept , worn out with her hard day 's driving . She thought : `` I could bear it if I had n't wasted the time we might have had together . All those years -- like a fool -- over that silly suffrage . `` I could bear it if I had n't been cruel to him .