midnight before
It matters little now how or what they think of one whose heart is already in the grave . '' And thus saying , he gained his room , and , locking the door , began to write . Deeply occupied in his task , which he found so difficult that several half-scrawled sheets already littered the table before him , he never felt the time as it passed . It was already midnight before he was aware of it , and still his letter was not finished . It was so hard to say though and not too much ; so hard to justify himself in any degree and yet spare _ her _ , against whom he would not use one word of reproach ; so hard to confess the misery that he felt , and yet not seem abject in the very , avowal . Not one of his attempts had satisfied him . Some were too lengthy , some too curt and brief some read cold , stern , and forbidding ; others seemed like half entreaties for a more merciful judgment ; in fact he was but writing down each passing emotion of his mind , and recording the varying passions that swayed him .