midnight
Believe he could not , and at the same time he had no firm conviction that it was all wrong . And consequently , not being able to believe in the significance of what he was doing nor to regard it with indifference as an empty formality , during the whole period of preparing for the sacrament he was conscious of a feeling of discomfort and shame at doing what he did not himself understand , and what , as an inner voice told him , was therefore false and wrong . During the service he would first listen to the prayers , trying to attach some meaning to them not discordant with his own views ; then feeling that he could not understand and must condemn them , he tried not to listen to them , but to attend to the thoughts , observations , and memories which floated through his brain with extreme vividness during this idle time of standing in church . He had stood through the litany , the evening service and the midnight service , and the next day he got up earlier than usual , and without having tea went at eight o'clock in the morning to the church for the morning service and the confession . There was no one in the church but a beggar soldier , two old women , and the church officials . A young deacon , whose long back showed in two distinct halves through his thin undercassock , met him , and at once going to a little table at the wall read the exhortation . During the reading , especially at the frequent and rapid repetition of the same words , `` Lord , have mercy on us ! ''