midnight
Then he had lain by her side , and Kamala 's face had been close to him , and under her eyes and next to the corners of her mouth he had , as clearly as never before , read a fearful inscription , an inscription of small lines , of slight grooves , an inscription reminiscent of autumn and old age , just as Siddhartha himself , who was only in his forties , had already noticed , here and there , gray hairs among his black ones . Tiredness was written on Kamala 's beautiful face , tiredness from walking a long path , which has no happy destination , tiredness and the beginning of withering , and concealed , still unsaid , perhaps not even conscious anxiety : fear of old age , fear of the autumn , fear of having to die . With a sigh , he had bid his farewell to her , the soul full of reluctance , and full of concealed anxiety . Then , Siddhartha had spent the night in his house with dancing girls and wine , had acted as if he was superior to them towards the fellow-members of his caste , though this was no longer true , had drunk much wine and gone to bed a long time after midnight , being tired and yet excited , close to weeping and despair , and had for a long time sought to sleep in vain , his heart full of misery which he thought he could not bear any longer , full of a disgust which he felt penetrating his entire body like the lukewarm , repulsive taste of the wine , the just too sweet , dull music , the just too soft smile of the dancing girls , the just too sweet scent of their hair and breasts . But more than by anything else , he was disgusted by himself , by his perfumed hair , by the smell of wine from his mouth , by the flabby tiredness and listlessness of his skin . Like when someone , who has eaten and drunk far too much , vomits it back up again with agonising pain and is nevertheless glad about the relief , thus this sleepless man wished to free himself of these pleasures , these habits and all of this pointless life and himself , in an immense burst of disgust . Not until the light of the morning and the beginning of the first activities in the street before his city-house , he had slightly fallen asleep , had found for a few moments a half unconsciousness , a hint of sleep .