midnight
The same soil affords all the different fruits which England may call her own , so that my dessert is every day fresh-gathered from the tree ; my dairy flows with nectarious tildes of milk and cream , from whence we derive abundance of excellent butter , curds , and cheese ; and the refuse fattens my pigs , that are destined for hams and bacon -- I go to bed betimes , and rise with the sun -- I make shift to pass the hours without weariness or regret , and am not destitute of amusements within doors , when the weather will not permit me to go abroad -- I read , and chat , and play at billiards , cards or back-gammon -- Without doors , I superintend my farm , and execute plans of improvements , the effects of which I enjoy with unspeakable delight -- Nor do I take less pleasure in seeing my tenants thrive under my auspices , and the poor live comfortably by the employment which I provide -- You know I have one or two sensible friends , to whom I can open all my heart ; a blessing which , perhaps , I might have sought in vain among the crowded scenes of life : there are a few others of more humble parts , whom I esteem for their integrity ; and their conversation I find inoffensive , though not very entertaining . Finally , I live in the midst of honest men , and trusty dependents , who , I flatter myself , have a disinterested attachment to my person . You , yourself , my dear Doctor , can vouch for the truth of these assertions . Now , mark the contrast at London -- I am pent up in frowzy lodgings , where there is not room enough to swing a cat ; and I breathe the steams of endless putrefaction ; and these would , undoubtedly , produce a pestilence , if they were not qualified by the gross acid of sea-coal , which is itself a pernicious nuisance to lungs of any delicacy of texture : but even this boasted corrector can not prevent those languid , sallow looks , that distinguish the inhabitants of London from those ruddy swains that lead a country-life -- I go to bed after midnight , jaded and restless from the dissipations of the day -- I start every hour from my sleep , at the horrid noise of the watchmen bawling the hour through every street , and thundering at every door ; a set of useless fellows , who serve no other purpose but that of disturbing the repose of the inhabitants ; and by five o'clock I start out of bed , in consequence of the still more dreadful alarm made by the country carts , and noisy rustics bellowing green pease under my window . If I would drink water , I must quaff the maukish contents of an open aqueduct , exposed to all manner of defilement ; or swallow that which comes from the river Thames , impregnated with all the filth of London and Westminster -- Human excrement is the least offensive part of the concrete , which is composed of all the drugs , minerals , and poisons , used in mechanics and manufacture , enriched with the putrefying carcasses of beasts and men ; and mixed with the scourings of all the wash-tubs , kennels , and common sewers , within the bills of mortality . This is the agreeable potation , extolled by the Londoners , as the finest water in the universe -- As to the intoxicating potion , sold for wine , it is a vile , unpalatable , and pernicious sophistication , balderdashed with cyder , corn-spirit , and the juice of sloes . In an action at law , laid against a carman for having staved a cask of port , it appeared from the evidence of the cooper , that there were not above five gallons of real wine in the whole pipe , which held above a hundred , and even that had been brewed and adulterated by the merchant at Oporto .