midnight
I 'm sorry now I said anything against the captain , for he was a splendid man , and the pride of the battery . And , I tell you , he was n't the only one that cried neither , for the boys idolised the old lady , and there was n't no singing that night or cards or anything . I was on picket , and it was a heavy heart I took with me into the dark ; and , when they left me laying in the grass , and nobody nearer nor a hundred yards and that behind me , I felt mortal blue and lonesome and homesick , and like I did n't care whether I was killed or not . It was midnight when I went out , -- mind , I say MIDNIGHT -- and I do n't know what ailed me that night , for , after thinking of the old lady and Benny and my own mother that was dead , and all the rest of the boys that had marched out so fine and ended so miserable -- I could n't keep the sleep away ; and I 'd go off and off , though I tried my damnedest not to ; and my eyes would shut in spite of me and just glue together ; and I would kind of drown , drown , drown in sleep . If ever a man knew what he was doing , and the risk , and what I owed to the boys , and me a Regular , and all that -- it was ME ; yet -- yet -- And you must remember it had been a hard day , and the guns had stuck again and again in the mud , and it was pull , mule , pull , soldier , till you thought you 'd drop in your tracks . Oh , I am not excusing myself ! I 've seen men shot for sleeping on guard , and I know it 's right ; and , even in my dreams , I seemed to be reproaching myself and calling myself a stinker .