four o'clock
If they did not love me , in fact , as little did I love them . They were not bound to regard with affection a thing that could not sympathise with one amongst them ; a heterogeneous thing , opposed to them in temperament , in capacity , in propensities ; a useless thing , incapable of serving their interest , or adding to their pleasure ; a noxious thing , cherishing the germs of indignation at their treatment , of contempt of their judgment . I know that had I been a sanguine , brilliant , careless , exacting , handsome , romping child -- though equally dependent and friendless -- Mrs. Reed would have endured my presence more complacently ; her children would have entertained for me more of the cordiality of fellow-feeling ; the servants would have been less prone to make me the scapegoat of the nursery . Daylight began to forsake the red-room ; it was past four o'clock , and the beclouded afternoon was tending to drear twilight . I heard the rain still beating continuously on the staircase window , and the wind howling in the grove behind the hall ; I grew by degrees cold as a stone , and then my courage sank . My habitual mood of humiliation , self-doubt , forlorn depression , fell damp on the embers of my decaying ire . All said I was wicked , and perhaps I might be so ; what thought had I been but just conceiving of starving myself to death ?