noon
My governess offered to find friends that should get his recognisances off of the file , as they call it , and that he should not suffer ; but it was not possible to convince him that could be done , or that he could be safe any way in the world but by appearing against me ; so I was to have three witnesses of fact against me , the master and his two maids ; that is to say , I was as certain to be cast for my life as I was certain that I was alive , and I had nothing to do but to think of dying , and prepare for it . I had but a sad foundation to build upon , as I said before , for all my repentance appeared to me to be only the effect of my fear of death , not a sincere regret for the wicked life that I had lived , and which had brought this misery upon me , for the offending my Creator , who was now suddenly to be my judge . I lived many days here under the utmost horror of soul ; I had death , as it were , in view , and thought of nothing night and day , but of gibbets and halters , evil spirits and devils ; it is not to be expressed by words how I was harassed , between the dreadful apprehensions of death and the terror of my conscience reproaching me with my past horrible life . The ordinary of Newgate came to me , and talked a little in his way , but all his divinity ran upon confessing my crime , as he called it -LRB- though he knew not what I was in for -RRB- , making a full discovery , and the like , without which he told me God would never forgive me ; and he said so little to the purpose , that I had no manner of consolation from him ; and then to observe the poor creature preaching confession and repentance to me in the morning , and find him drunk with brandy and spirits by noon , this had something in it so shocking , that I began to nauseate the man more than his work , and his work too by degrees , for the sake of the man ; so that I desired him to trouble me no more . I know not how it was , but by the indefatigable application of my diligent governess I had no bill preferred against me the first sessions , I mean to the grand jury , at Guildhall ; so I had another month or five weeks before me , and without doubt this ought to have been accepted by me , as so much time given me for reflection upon what was past , and preparation for what was to come ; or , in a word , I ought to have esteemed it as a space given me for repentance , and have employed it as such , but it was not in me . I was sorry -LRB- as before -RRB- for being in Newgate , but had very few signs of repentance about me . On the contrary , like the waters in the cavities and hollows of mountains , which petrify and turn into stone whatever they are suffered to drop on , so the continual conversing with such a crew of hell-hounds as I was , had the same common operation upon me as upon other people .