one o’clock
`` For , '' she said to herself , `` only in that oldness lies safety for me ! Unless I can be all old -- mind and nature , as well as body -- I shall suffer horribly again . '' She prayed that she might feel old , so old that she might cease from being attracted by youth , from longing after youth in this dreadful tormenting way . When she got up from her knees it was one o'clock . She took two tablets of aspirin and got into bed . And directly she was in bed an idea seemed to hit her mind , and she trembled slightly , as if she had really received a blow . She had just been praying for something earnestly , almost violently , and she had prayed with clear understanding , with the understanding that a long and fully lived life brings to every really intelligent human being .