four
in the morning
The tender joys of family life are completely unknown to me . From twelve to eighteen I went to Cambridge , but my taciturn and perhaps haughty character isolated me from my fellows . At eighteen I began to travel . You who scour the world under the shadow of your flag ; that is to say , the shadow of your country , and are stirred by the thrill of battle , and the pride of glory , can not imagine what a lamentable thing it is to roam through cities , provinces , nations , and kingdoms simply to visit a church here , a castle there ; to rise at four in the morning at the summons of a pitiless guide , to see the sun rise from Rigi or Etna ; to pass like a phantom , already dead , through the world of living shades called men ; to know not where to rest ; to know no land in which to take root , no arm on which to lean , no heart in which to pour your own ! Well , last night , my dear Roland , suddenly , in an instant , in a second , this void in my life was filled . I lived in you ; the joys I seek were yours . The family which I never had , I saw smiling around you .