11 p.m.
-- An agitating interview . He says he will agree to whatever I propose , the three possibilities and our contingent acts being recorded as follows : First , in the event of dear Caroline being taken from us , I marry him on the expiration of a year : Second , in the forlorn chance of her recovery I take upon myself the responsibility of explaining to Caroline the true nature of the ceremony he has gone through with her , that it was done at my suggestion to make her happy at once , before a special licence could be obtained , and that a public ceremony at church is awaiting her : Third , in the unlikely event of her cooling , and refusing to repeat the ceremony with him , I leave England , join him abroad , and there wed him , agreeing not to live in England again till Caroline has either married another or regards her attachment to Charles as a bygone matter . I have thought over these conditions , and have agreed to them all as they stand . 11 p.m. -- I do not much like this scheme , after all . For one thing , I have just sounded my father on it before parting with him for the night , my impression having been that he would see no objection . But he says he could on no account countenance any such unreal proceeding ; however good our intentions , and even though the poor girl were dying , it would not be right . So I sadly seek my pillow .