First of all, the host was a complete douchesnob. How dare we have the Audacity to show up at his high-caliber dining establishment without making a reservation ahead of time?? Excuse me good sir, but your restaurant is currently quite empty, and as fancy as you may think this place is, there is a HUGE 70s-music-blaring BOAT parked just 30 feet away that thinks otherwise. (Yes, Cleopatra's Barge *actually* detracts from the \""elegance\"" that Hyakumi seems to strive for).\n\nThe retardedly overpriced menu (nigiri starts at $7) suggests that you're about to embark on some amazing gastronomic adventure, but in reality everything we ordered ranked from mediocre to crap:\n\n-Side salad: The most uninspired collection of leaves you've seen, drizzled in blander-than-store-bought vinaigrette. This is a Japanese restaurant! They're not supposed to serve crappy vinaigrette! Where's the miso dressing? Or any of the other yummy dressings you find at Any Other Japanase Restaurant??\n-Salmon nigiri: One of the most basic nigiri you can order anywhere, and theirs was CHEWY!! For folks just tuning in, I repeat: the salmon was fucking CHEWY!! When the fuck was the last time any of you had CHEWY raw salmon?? Grrroosssss!!\n-Sushi rolls: Every single one was mostly rice with a little bit of fish in the middle, kind of reminiscent of that \""dollar sushi\"" joint back in college. You know, the one whose rolls gave you that \""well, I'm getting stiffed on the quality but you get what you pay for\"" type of feeling? Yeah, Hyakumi's rolls are like that. Except instead of a dollar they're more than $10.\n-Udon soup: So bad my friend couldn't even finish his. \n-Beef sukiyaki: Decent, probably the best thing on our table.\n\nSuper fed-up and ready to leave, it was time to flag down our waitress for the check. Uhhh but wait, where is she? 15 minutes go by. Fine, maybe she has the runs and is in the middle of violently evacuating the contents of her bowels and is in desperate need of a bidet and maybe some Purell. Whatever, I'll flag down that other waitress. But as I catch her eye, she turns and RUNS AWAY!! Hooooleeeeeey fuckk!! God Forbid that she have to do any \""extra work\"" and fetch a check for a table that isn't hers! Arrrgghh!