Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Gently Approaching New Year's Resolutions

If you're like me, you've probably tried to use willpower to achieve your New Year’s resolutions. Maybe if you've been lucky, you've either eliminated bad habits or created beneficial new ones. And sadly, like me you’ve probably failed, on multiple occasions, to follow through with your intentions. You're not alone, according to Jon Norcross, a psychology professor and distinguished university fellow at the University of Scranton, 55%-60% of people fail at adopting their new year’s resolutions.

Why do we keep trying the same methods year after year knowing they won't work?

Here's where we need to understand habits and the nature of our brains. In my January e-newsletter I refer to an article by Kelly Traverse, MD and Betty Kelly Sargent that demonstrates how and why brains form habits - it's in our hard wiring - habits are harder to break once established, and can take time to adopt.  The authors state "although your brain can change, it usually won’t do so without putting up a bit of a fight. That’s because it is set up to resist change, especially sudden change."

Many of us have heard the phrase, "it takes 21-days to form a new habit". Unfortunately, this may not be the case. Recent research suggests that it may actually take an average of 66 days to adopt a new habit. But that average is based on a lot of variables, like the individual and the type of habit they were trying to change. In truth, adoption of a habit can take quite a bit longer. Moreover, research indicates that easier activities more readily turn into habits than do more difficult activities and, the better you are at sticking to the new activity early on, the better your chances for success.

So what does all of this mean to us?

Here’s where willpower comes into play. Many of us try to form new habits or break old ones by invoking our willpower, which like a muscle, fatigues. Just when we need our willpower the most - like when we come home tired, hungry, and irritable after a long day at the office - is when it will most likely fail us. Why? Because we have spent the entire day exercising our willpower, i.e. not snapping at a co-worker when they frustrate us, avoiding the donut in the break room, and so on. The repeated flexing of our willpower makes it harder for us to maintain our new objectives. As Shawn Achor points out in The Happiness Advantage, “willpower weakens the more we use it”. Worse still, many of us berate ourselves for not being able to "do it", a feeling that reinforces itself as we seem to be unable despite our determined efforts.

So if our willpower won’t work, and up to 60% of us fail in achieving our new year’s resolutions, how can we make lasting, sustainable changes, and break habits that don’t serve us?

In her article, Meditation Can Reduce Habitual Responding, Heide Wenk-Sormaz, PhD, explains how establishing a meditation practice can assist us in breaking unwanted habits. Her study indicates that individuals who practiced meditation were better able to notice when they were about to do something out of habit and then make more conscious choices. While her study didn’t focus on people adopting new habits, it stands to reason that if one becomes more mindful throughout the day and is aware of when he/she is going to respond out of habit, then one would be more mindful when incorporating new habits too.

Practice Engaging Your Inner Wisdom
Do you have a regular meditation practice? If so, see if you can maintain your awareness throughout the day, noticing when you are responding to something out of habit. Then gently make a choice based on awareness rather than automation. If you have never meditated and want to learn more, check out Thrive! - The Living Well Show's introduction to meditation where I interviewed leading meditation experts. Consider taking a meditation class. Even practicing deep abdominal breathing for 5 minutes a day, can help to make you more present. Do this by breathing in through your nose to a count of 4 (this number doesn't change), and blowing out softly through rounded lips, making a wind-like sound, to a count of 8, 10 or 12. As you practice this technique your exhalations will lengthen (they may surpass a 12 count) and your inhalations will deepen.

Wednesday, January 09, 2013

Patience as We Process

Bottom lines usually come at the end of a long drawn-out explanation, but I am switching that;  I'm beginning with the bottom line.  The bottom line is that virtually everything we do is a process or part of a process and the way we approach the processes in our lives matters.

In today’s society, we approach life’s processes by being pushed, urged forward by external forces; things must happen faster; we must be more efficient, more productive, go, go, go!

Do you feel your body stressing at the mere mention of those ideas?  Yeah?  Me too.  It is because we allow these external forces to set the tone and pace for our processes.  It is also why, when we face set backs or unexpected challenges, we meet them with frustration, discouragement, anger, and even sadness.  The result is growing stress, because all of these emotions, coupled with our fast-paced society, increase stress.

To break this cycle, we must turn away from the external forces and listen to our inner truth, let internal forces guide us.  The first step on the path to breaking absolute external influence and the stress cycle that goes with it is to turn inward and listen to our inner truth (our gut).  This simple act begins a new process, one that requires patience and time, acceptance and understanding.

That brings me back to my bottom line – the way we approach the processes in our lives matters.

It does not mean choosing to listen entirely to internal or external forces.  It means finding balance between the two and letting your inner wisdom guide your choices; it means realizing that the process of looking inward and finding balance requires patience, because it takes time.

For some people looking inward is about beginning a complete lifestyle change; for others it is to get a better job; and still others seek balance or simply a way to include their favorite hobby in their life.  No matter how you apply your inner wisdom to your life, the ultimate goal is to find peace and happiness.  To do it successfully, we must begin the process with patience.

Practice Engaging Your Inner Wisdom
Take five to ten minutes to sit or lie down with your eyes closed and let your mind wander not to external worries or concerns, but to internal hopes and dreams, goals and ambitions.  Don’t feel obligated to write anything down, don’t force your thoughts in any direction.  The point is to start allowing yourself to see and accept your inner wisdom.  Begin the process by imagining yourself in a positive situation doing something you enjoy.  When you’ve completed your wander, take another moment to acknowledge how it made you feel.  Then, smile, because you’ve just allowed yourself to take the first step in listening to your inner truth.