Verbal Abusive Relationship

A verbal abusive relationship is very common, much more so than most people realize. It is arguably the most common type of abuse.

Some who have been on the receiving end of verbal abuse for a long time, don’t recognize it for what it is. Sometimes it can be done in a supposedly humorous and subtle way, and those who are being abused can be confused by this.

Let’s make it clear what is meant by a verbal abusive relationship. It is a relationship where one partner, usually the man, is abusive verbally, and it is never amusing.

Verbal Abusive Relationship

It can involve undermining and putting the woman down in a whole range of ways, like telling her she is no good, or not up to standard as a cook, mother, sexual partner and so on.

When it comes to a verbal abusive relationship, the impact can be overpowering, having a major impact on one's level of self esteem, and feelings of adequacy.

There is a pattern of behavior that can seriously interfere with a person’s positive emotional development over time, and effect their well-being and physical state.

There would be many women who would go to see their doctor after being on the receiving end of verbal abuse over an extended period of time.

Many doctors would not even think to ask women what is happening in their relationships, to find out if their symptoms could be related to the way they are being treated in a verbal abusive relationship.

This is also unlikely to happen with women who are in physically abusive relationships, even though studies indicate a large percentage of injuries women present with are the outcome of abusive relationships.

I gave a talk to a group of doctors about this issue, and they admitted they felt inadequate in dealing with abusive relationships. They told me all doctors need training in relation to handling abusive relationship problems in an effective manner.

As doctors are in such a crucial position and need to be well skilled to be in the forefront of addressing this huge problem of abusive relationships in all its formats.

One of the relationship questions to ask about a verbal abusive relationship is why so many men resort to these tactics.

Some would respond to such important relationship questions by suggesting the abuser has such a low regard for themselves, they want to place their victim in the position to feel the same way they do.

Personally, I think this is a very unhelpful way of explaining a verbal abusive relationship.

In my view, all forms of abusive relationships are an outcome of a belief, that men have superior status to women. Men who allow themselves to be influenced by this belief, tend to adopt the role of being in charge in the relationship/marriage.

They think they have every right from that position, to hold power over, control and dominate, those they are in charge of, that is women and children, in any way they choose to do so. There is no thought about the impact on those being abused, because they don’t count.

A point that needs to be made is that being in a verbal abusive relationship, is no different from being in any other kind of abusive relationship, however extreme that might be.

Most people would think there is no comparison, as if there is some significance to the level of the abuse. Abuse is abuse is abuse.

If you are in an abusive relationship, whether it be a verbal abusive relationship, physically abusive relationship, emotionally abusive relationship, mentally abusive relationship or sexually abusive relationship, I would advise you to leave.

I fully realize this is easier said than done from all the experience I have had with the numerous clients I have seen dealing with abusive relationships.

Consequently, in the process leading up to this, I would advise you to make contact with your nearest Domestic Violence Service, and find out how they can help you. If you are not sure where they are, ask around. The police should be able to help you with that.


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