Different Kinds of Bad Breath: Cigarettes, Sinuses, Sour Milk, Garlic, Dorritos, McDonald’s…

There are certain things I could keep myself constantly preoccupied with if I allowed it. Like the fact that my nose is peripherally visible. Not everyone constantly sees their own nose any time that their eyes are open. But I do. It’s not a nuisance, though. Not like that weird red thing chickens have hanging off their beaks. That would be awful.

One of the major “preoccupiers” I think about is breath. The bottom line is this: Unless someone is chewing gum, chances are that if another person smelled their breath, the air that came out would be classified as “bad breath.” Naturally good breath is a rare genetic miracle. The best we can really do is mask the air we breathe out.

And even then, it can be a tricky situation. Sugar only makes a person’s breath worse. Peppermints and cough drops make for some of the worst bad breath once they are eaten. (I personally endorse Trident sugar-free gum with Xylitol as it actually helps fight cavities.)

Since the 3rd grade (for the past 20 years), I have been keeping a sort of mental collection of some of the variations of bad breath I have encountered. In the likeness of wine tasting, in parenthesis is the hint of the scents found in each type:

Morning Breath (dead possum and scrambled eggs)
Stale Breath (work coffee and library books)
Sinus Breath (draining mucus and goat cheese)
Snack Cake Breath (sour milk)
Garlic Breath (the garlic, the whole garlic, and nothing but the garlic)
2:00 PM Breath (muddled lunch aftertaste and the onset of Morning Breath)
Didn’t Brush Teeth Today Breath (rotting log and outdated cinnamon gum)
Smoker’s Breath (ashtray, gasoline, pesticides, and a diesel mechanic shop)
15 Year-Old Boy Breath (Dorritos and Mountain Dew)
McDonald’s Breath (ketchup, diced onions, “meat”)

Christianity and Beer

Would Jesus drink beer?  Maybe the question is, did He?

Ironically, in the way that many Christians view alcohol consumption to be okay when in moderation, I feel the same way about other beverages- ones that contain no alcohol. A typical can of soda (or tall glass of sweet tea) consists of about 3 to 4 tablespoons of sugar, not to mention the caffeine. Would I normally eat 3 to 4 tablespoons of sugar in one sitting? No way, that’s disgusting and totally unhealthy. Sugar is at the very top of the food pyramid and should be used sparingly. But that’s what soda is. And it’s so common. No “sin associations” either.

But it is extremely difficult for my conscience to deal with the thought that if the body is a temple, how consuming that much sugar all in the name of a common beverage is justifiable, especially compared to a single serving of beer or wine. Last night I drank two glasses of Dr. Pepper with some friends. And today I actually am a little ashamed that I did it.

And that is the power of taboo and its attached guilt. I feel bad about drinking soda, while someone else may feel halfway guilty about drinking some wine at a wedding. One person may be offended by me drinking a 12 ounce bottle of Blue Moon beer, but I may be offended by seeing someone drinking a liter sized bottle of Mountain Dew.

Both can be abused. Beer can cause drunkenness and alcoholism when handled irresponsibly (causing harm to self and others, possible to strangers). Drunkenness is an immediate warning that too much has been consumed. Sugary drinks do not cause drunkenness (but can also cause harm to self and others, through second hand poor dieting habits). Since no drunkenness is involved with sugary drinks, they have no immediate way to warn a person of the unhealthy dangers they can do to the human body when consumed too regularly.

I believe laws for drunk driving should be much stricter than they are. I disapprove of drunk driving as much as I loathe careless drivers and drivers that eat and/or text while driving. As much as I loathe murderers and perverts of every kind. Ultimately beer is one of those things like sex and money- wonderful, yet so easily can by used to corrupt, when mishandled.

Diet sodas, I don’t trust ’em. After learning that my parents pour a little bit of Sweet’n Low onto ant beds in their yard, which within a few days kills off the whole colony, I figure artificial sweeteners are left better off as a pesticide. The tiny ants’ bodies can’t handle the unnatural ingredients in the artificial sweeteners. Maybe my 5’ 9”, 170 pound body can, but it’s just not a drug I am willing to experiment with.

Juice that is actually 100% natural (no added sugars or dyes) is bearable, but also has a high content of sugar. So if I do drink 8 ounce servings of juice, I realize that I have to consider the sugar content just as I would a normal beverage.  That is equal to a few tablespoons of sugar.  But if the fruit is eaten in its whole form, the fiber of the fruit itself absorbs the sugar so that it does not count as our actual sugar intake for the day.

So for me, I’m not left with many drink choices or dinner. I do drink a minimum on 3 liters of water throughout the day. But in addition to water with my evening meal, I often have a bottle of good beer (not anything cheap that can be easily found in a can, not anything with the word “lite” in its name, not anything that is advertised through funny commercials during the Super Bowl).

I can enjoy the simple formula of the drink that has been enjoyed since Biblical times (it was brought to America by the Christian Pilgrims who landed at Plymouth Rock). Water, barley, yeast, and hops (from the small family of flowering plants called Cannabaceae, in which cannabis is also a member). Beer contains no fat or cholesterol. Studies show then when consumed regularly in repsonsible amounts, beer can help the body fight against stroke, heart attacks, breast cancer and Alzheimer’s, to name a few benefits. When it’s consumed responsibly, it’s healthy and good. When it’s abused, it’s unhealthy and dangerous. Too much of anything usually isn’t a good thing anyway.

So did Jesus drink beer?  It’s obvious He drank wine.  Beer has been around since at least 9,000 B.C.  and was discovered/invented in Egypt, so I’m sure He had easy access.  Since it wasn’t taboo for His culture to responsibly drink alcohol, I would actually be surprised if Jesus didn’t drink beer.  But again, wine has a high alcohol content than beer anyway.  Choose your irony.