Kavahn Mansouri vs. the world: making the case for carnivores


Here’s a fact: being a vegetarian is the worst decision you can make, ever.
Since Earth was Earth, things have been eating each other to keep the circle of life going. So when people come to me and say “meat is murder,” I let out a triumphant laugh and say, “damn straight it is.” Guess what, some dinosaurs were herbivores (vegetarians). Guess what happened to them. Yep. Extinct.

Now, I understand some vegetarians believe it is inhumane to slaughter animals so we humans can keep our super-awesome species going. But just think for a second; what if their primeval ancestors were walking around in the ice age and decided they would just go foraging instead of hunting for some Saber-Tooth Tiger because it was “wrong to kill a Saber-Tooth Tiger.”

Well, let’s just say they would have been foraging for quite a long time, without awesome Saber-Tooth Tiger fur to keep them warm.

Where will you vegetarians be when the next ice age strikes? I bet you’ll be rethinking your dietary choices. What if we hadn’t hunted animals? They would have adapted, and we’d be being bred for them to eat. Vegetarians seem to ignore the process of evolution. Survival of the fittest, ladies and gentlemen.
If the issue is how meat is processed, then free range is the answer for you. Free-range animals live their lives roaming outdoors for the better part of the day and are treated with kindness. When the time comes, they’re led to an area and become part of the life cycle again. Now think if they were just out in the woods.

Free-range farms are a lot nicer than a wolf. Have you seen that movie “The Grey?” Yeah, now picture a cow getting that. Seems pretty cruel to me.
I’ll never understand vegetarianism. How can people carry on in this world without being able to feast on the amazing thing, sent from the heavens, blessed by Zeus, cooked in the River of Hades and served with a side of mashed potatoes and a glass of fine wine, that is meat. No, let me have a salad instead of this divine steak.

Do you think Velociraptors were as awesome as they were because they ate flowers all day long? I don’t think so. And what about Bruce Lee? Nope, not a vegetarian. The man ate meat like any proper martial arts master would. Obviously, no one worth mentioning is a vegetarian. Do you know who is a vegetarian? Hitler was a vegetarian. Let that one sink it. Doesn’t feel great, does it?

So you can see that, contrary to what any vegetarian will tell you, not eating meat is detrimental to the continuance of the human race. Besides, even if a vegetarian spares a little rabbit from getting eaten by a human, chances are a big old wolf will come along and take a huge bite out of it. That’s the way the world spins. Things eat things so they can keep living, and because they don’t know any other way to survive.

Also, Tofu is totally gross.

Read Hailey Kaufman’s rebuttal here
If you want to hear the two go head to head, listen to our podcast here

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