It is common in the dating industry to refer to male personalities as ‘alphas’ or ‘betas’. This concept is based on the study of social structures among animals, where the highest ranking male within a pack is referred to as the ‘alpha’ with other males considered ‘betas’. Within many mammal species (especially primates which humans are related to) there is a dominance hierarchy that forms around an alpha male within the tribe. Early humans are believed to have had similar tribal structures and which has led many women to instinctively be attracted to certain masculine qualities that impact their choice of mate.

While the concepts of ‘alpha’ and beta’ male qualities are primarily discussed for purposes of dating strategy, the reality is that many of the qualities that define a man as having an ‘alpha’ personality are beneficial for more than just attracting women. Men who have alpha qualities usually achieve more success in all aspects of their lives compared to beta males, as betas will accept things that negatively impact their lives and do little to improve the situation.

It is worth mentioning that there has been a movement toward giving men bad advice about alpha qualities, which has been spread by some pop psychologists. This bad advice encourages men to act more passive and ‘beta’. The problem with this advice is that women are primarily attracted to men who have alpha qualities, and men who behave more beta are frequently taken advantage of by Tinderellas.

A Guide on How to Stop Being a Beta Male

There are a few things that will automatically help a man to change from beta to alpha.

  • Be More Assertive
  • Stop Whining and Take Action
  • Don’t Look for Others to “Complete” You. Complete Yourself.
  • Stop Acting Like a Servant to Women
  • Care About Your Own Appearance
  • Don’t be Intimidated by Other Men

Let’s talk in more detail about what each of these guidelines are and how to implement them into your own life.

Be More Assertive About What You Want Out of Life

Being alpha is not about being overwhelmingly aggressive, stubborn or violent. It doesn’t even necessarily mean being very disagreeable. Being alpha is actually about being assertive and that assertiveness stems from experience. If you don’t believe you can do something then you never will, so having prior experience with things leads to having confidence at succeeding at doing other similar things. Many men have difficulty attracting beautiful women because they place pretty women on a pedestal, automatically assuming that a gorgeous woman isn’t going to want anything to do with him, because the man lacks confidence. He lacks this confidence because somewhere in his past he had bad experiences trying to certain attract pretty women so he decided he cannot attract any pretty women. This typically results in a man becoming a beta who accepts women who are not healthy for him; women who do not take care of themselves as a consequence of their own lack of self confidence, assertiveness and overall disregard for their own health. So beta men often end up dating other beta women.

Becoming alpha therefore necessitates a change in attitude about yourself and what is possible for you to achieve. So before you can attract a woman who is attracted to an alpha you must first become more alpha yourself, by working on the faults within your attitude about yourself.

A man becomes more alpha by taking assertive control over things within his life that he can control. If he is overweight then he diets and works out at a gym to lose weight. If he has a job where he is unappreciated, mistreated and underpaid then he seeks new employment where he will be treated more appropriately. If he does not like his living situation because he lives with bad roommates or worse, his parents, then he does something about this. The point is that an alpha man does not wait for others to change his life; he takes assertive control over the direction of his life. He does not possess a defeatist attitude about situations that make him unhappy and he does his best to improve them.

You should also get out into the world and spend less time on the internet. Interact with people outside of work and school, make friends at a local pub or get involved with some kind of recreational activity that is social, such as sports or martial arts. You cannot just live insular at home every day and and expect a girl to come knocking on your door seeking companionship. No one is going to fall in love with you through a dating app, either. Dating apps should supplement your dating life and are not supposed to be the sole means by which you meet datable women.

A man must also learn to say ‘No’ whenever they feel that something is not correct, or they disagree with someone. Beta males too easily allow other people to invade their comfort zones, since they find it very difficult to stand up for themselves and other people because they fear conflicts. The reality is that few people will ever be your advocate; a man must be his own advocate. It is therefore very important to express yourself freely in your own way.

On that note, when you are talking to a person you should be able to look into the person’s eyes and not be nervous. Being able to look at a person while talking to them demonstrates confidence and builds rappaport and trust.

Stop Whining About Everything. Take Action.

Everyone sometimes needs to vent about difficulties and let out steam, but if you only ever have complaints about things and never seek any solutions while expecting others to solve your problems, then you are behaving like a beta male.

Many beta males are people who have the wrong ideas about life. When problems occur they break down emotionally, unable to think straight. This leads them to become angry, and sometimes even violent as the beta male has little control over their emotions.

Beta males frequently try to avoid conflict by making excuses. While problems often have valid reasons for why they happen and obstacles often stand in the way of solutions, there is never any excuse to not do anything to improve your situations. By focusing on excuses a beta man tries to evade having to do work on improving his life. So avoid making excuses that don’t make sense simply because you wish to avoid having to take responsibility for your own life. People who are known to make excuses instead of finding solutions are considered to be lazy, and no woman is attracted a lazy man.

The beta male has to change their attitude and stop allowing themselves to feel that their life is not changing in the best ways. An alpha male attitude is to be positive about things; this gives him more energy and reason to live. For an alpha male there is always a great reason to wake up daily and to go to work. Everybody has reasons to be optimistic about their life, and if you look there are opportunities around you to be positive about.

As previously mentioned alpha males are assertive. This means they will stand up for their values but they are able to keep their cool in tense situations. This is because an alpha male has enough self-confidence to handle difficult problems and resolve them.

On that note participation in something like a protest rally is very beta behavior. It does not matter what your politics are; alpha males do not stand in the streets blocking traffic, making annoying noises or engaging in other kinds of childish displays intended to draw attention. This kind of behavior is whiny. Alpha males who wish to create social change will take direct actions to develop and implement solutions to problems they see in society. They will not harass random people for the sole purpose of drawing attention to themselves while roleplaying as a champion.

Am I Attractive To Women? How Can transform from Beta to Alpha Male to Become Attractive to Them? What is Beta Male and the Alpha Male? The Transformation is Inevitable When You Have This in Mind to Make Woman Crazy in Love with You and Stick Around.

Don’t Look For Others to “Complete” You. Complete Yourself.

Everybody needs to be loved and appreciated; women are central to this triangle of a relationship. As social creatures all humans need a mate. Yet the idea that you have less worth as a person unless you have someone to re-affirm your value and love you, is irrational. Every person is “complete”. As I have discussed before, ideas like “soul mates” are faulty and not rational. You don’t need another person to make you have value; rather the experiences of your life can be improved by having a partner to experience life with. But this has nothing to do with your personality.

Stop Acting Like a Servant to Women

There are some bad dating advice blogs that attempt to suggest that chivalry means that men must cater to women’s needs and desires, ensuring that they are comfortable. This is not what chivalry is. Chivalry is a code of values that leads to etiquettes that display respect toward others. While there are certain customs men can perform to show respect to women (such as opening a door for her) there is nothing about chivalry that means behaving as the butler to a woman.

Many of these blogs are written by women who have a vested interest in convincing men to be their financial providers, even when these women have no intention to be a good mate. Beware of Tinderellas that seek to manipulate you into becoming a “pay pig” for her. No matter what a woman says, women do not respect nor are they attracted to men that behave like servants to them. Once these women have decided they have gotten enough financial value from the man they will abandon a relationship with him to find another man to manipulate.

Care About Your Own Appearance

A women’s first consideration in a relationship is a man’s physical appearance. This is innate to female psychology, just as it is for men. The reason is because on a subconscious level your inner mind understands that the primary purpose of mating is to procreate and have children, so people are instinctively more attracted to people who have desirable physical qualities for producing healthy strong children. There is nothing you can do to change this about innate human psychology and intentionally trying to go against it will damage your efforts to date a quality woman.

(Likewise women who intentionally deface their body with bold tattoos that cover large areas such as on their face, neck and other areas, and/or adorning their body with many piercings and dyeing their hair strange colors also damage their efforts to date a quality man.

Both men and women who do these things are intentionally trying to make themselves look more intimidating, usually as a response to sexual abuse trauma. Instead of getting counseling to deal with their emotional pain, they decide to make themselves look more fierce in the hope of improving their confidence. The efforts do not work and instead make them stand out as abuse victims.)

If you are overweight, this is something you can change by just reducing the calories you eat and working out. A man can lose weight very quickly by just reducing the calories he eats and being willing to endure feeling hungry. This takes willpower yet if you don’t have the willpower to endure feeling hungry in order to improve yourself, then you won’t have the willpower to succeed in other aspects of your life, either.

A man should also learn how to dress better. We here at The Millennial Gentleman have multiple articles that provide advice on how to dress better. Simply read them and follow our advice, and your appearance will improve.

Don’t Be Intimidated by Other Men

Some men have developed a mild fear, insecurity, nervousness and a general lack of confidence to express themselves to women whenever another man is around. This is one of the most common beta male qualities. By placing yourself in a subservient role to another man in a group setting, you become the beta. This does not necessarily mean you must be aggressive in competing for women’s attention when in a group setting but it also does not mean that you should just give up.

A few years ago I attended a mansion party where there was far more men than women in attendance. What happened is that groups of men flocked around the women, sometimes following them from room to room. Most of the men took turns trying to talk to the woman, with a lot of awkward pauses as the women engaged with one or two men, out of a group of four or more men that surrounded them. While some women are flattered by the attention, this is not likely to lead to women becoming very attracted to any of the men who follow them around like a puppy dog while one alpha man engages her in conversation.

A beta male is someone who falls in line as a secondary to alpha males; he is not on equal footing. Beta men always follow while the alpha men lead. This frequently happens when beta males are not confident in having exchanges with a woman and also not confident when the man feels another male is more superior to him. So ultimately is a lack of confidence that leads to this behavior.

Consequences of Not Being an Alpha Male

There are many negative consequences of not being an alpha male. These things result in a man living a less fulfilling life, and result in unnecessary misery.

• The man becomes unattractive to the majority of women he wishes to date, which means he struggles to find a quality woman to marry.
• The man experiences a loss of confidence because of his failings with women; he becomes more nervous and weak-willed. This ends up impacting other areas of his life, even lowering the quality of work that he does in his career.
• Beta males lack of confidence and masculinity is noticed by others, making him an easy target for bullies.
• Beta males tend to only be able to form relationships with low quality women that have many psychological issues, even behaving like a Tinderella. These women make poor mothers and spouses, ultimately creating a lot of problems for the man in his life.

These are some of the main consequences of not being an alpha male. It can cost a lot in your life, leading to severe challenges, by choosing to be a beta.

I hope this article has given you some insight into how to stop behaving like a beta male.


Carey Martell is Editor in Chief for The Millennial Gentleman. A thirty something modern man who is politically independent, non-religious but a firm believer in ideals of chivalry and traditional family values. Carey lives his life as a vagabond digital nomad traveling and living life to the fullest while managing his businesses remotely with a laptop and internet hotspot connection.