art work by John Ceprano

Out of Control in Conflict

There are times when we may say we feel ‘out of control’ when we are in conflict and that means different things to different people. The description of what ‘out of control’ means will differ among us and typically, being out of control is not a positive experience for ourselves or the other person. It seems that this sentiment is expressed when we react strongly to being provoked and say or do things that we consider uncharacteristic and, perhaps, unreasoned, unreasonable and even dramatic.

This week’s ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions) blog focuses on this phenomenon of losing control as an aspect of interpersonal conflict and with the goal of gaining a better understanding of what it means to feel that way. Please consider a conflict situation in which you experienced this feeling when answering the following questions:

  • What does the expression ‘being out of control’ mean to you?
  • What does it feel like when you experience it?
  • What are you thinking at these times?
  • What are you losing control of?
  • What do you see when you observe that someone else seems out of control?
  • How does it impact you – when you observe someone else is losing control?
  • What would it be like to be in control of the situation?
  • What could you do differently to make that happen?
  • How will things be different for the other person when you do not lose control?
  • How will things be for you when you maintain control?


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