Monday, January 19, 2009

What does submission mean to me?

The dictionary defines submission as: a willingness to yield or surrender to somebody, or the act of doing so.

Submission of any kind does not come naturally to anyone, male or female. Submission has nothing to do with humoring one's husband, or aiding and abetting his whims, it is the means through which a wife yields to, and empowers, her husband. It means, submit to your husband as willingly and wholehearted as you can, provided that the essence and goal of your submission is a loving, nurturing, respectful and lasting marriage. The wife's responsibility to submit to her husband must be seen as an essential part of her undertaking to be a partner to her husband.

Some synonyms are:
Obedience: the act or practice of following instructions, complying with rules or regulations, or submitting to somebody's authority.
Compliance: readiness to conform or agree to do something.
Capitulation: surrender or a giving up of resistance.
Surrender: to yield to a strong emotion, influence, or temptation.
Acquiescence: to agree or comply with something in a passive or reserved way.
Giving in: to allow somebody to have something such as power or a right.
Deference: submission to the judgment, opinion, or wishes of another person.
Assent: a formal expression of agreement or acceptance.

These words have motivated me to fulfill my role as a wife, in submission and love. Many people do not understand what submission really means or the importance of submission and that submission is the “cement” of love and marriage.

What is the opposite of submission? It is definitely 1st and foremost PRIDE, self-importance, arrogance, resistance, confrontation, fight, fighting, battle, struggle, conflict, and opposition. These are all words that should NEVER describe a relationship, especially a marriage.

Why is it sometimes hard for me, a wife to be submissive to my husband? Well, self-will, pride, “I’m right,” it looks like he’s not capable of making that decision, etc. are things I sometimes question or think. Am I being truly submissive? No, I am undermining my husband’s authority and self worth. I am being disobedient and defiant. I am failing the both of us.

Can a wife be submissive and still have a rebellious heart? Yes, as far as the outward “act” of submission—but not as far as true submission, this is an attitude of the heart. When you have true submission it is a behavior that requires much obedience, discipline and self-control. It is very hard to do, but true submission is not an act, it is the greatest gift you can give your husband. To submit without question to your husband knowing that he always has your best interests at heart is the most difficult thing you will ever do but it will also be the most liberating thing you will ever do. Submission involves a great deal of mental and physical effort or exertion and is often difficult or awkward to do or achieve. A rebellious wife is a stumbling block in the life of her husband and their marriage. Emotional insecurity, peer pressure, and everyday worries nag even the most confident male in the world, because of the power-orientation nature of man. The rebelliousness of the wife aggravates this and mortally infects the relationship between them. The wife has a duty to enable her husband to shift from the outside world to that of a loving home not only because that will result in her being loved and respected by her husband, but also because it is her duty as a wife. Submission is the sacrifice she makes therefore enabling her man to be successful in his responsibilities as a husband. Just as no man can become a husband without a woman, so also no husband can become an ideal husband, or do justice to his responsibility as a husband, without the help of his wife.

Does submission mean a wife never thinks for herself, never has an opinion, and never makes a decision? No, a wife should tell her husband how she feels, what she thinks about an issue and then commit the situation and the outcome to her husband, always trusting and obeying her husband. Submission does not mean that I always agree with my husband’s decision or choice but I always yield to him. There are some decisions my husband wants me to make. These are a part of being submissive. If I make the wrong choice I have to live with the consequences. Given the dynamics of family life as well as male nature, it is natural to incorporate wifely submission in order to help the husband to become a 'proper' husband, which no man is at the beginning. It is important to remember that the wife's submission should be received and given as a gift, not as a ‘right,’ by the husband nor is submission to be offered and withdrawn as wanted by the wife. Both wife and husband have a shared and sacred duty to ensure that this remains a gift and does not turn into exploitation of the wife. The husband especially must have the maturity to know that if improperly received and exploited, the submission that his wife offers will cease to be a gift resulting in harm to both parties.

Rather than feel aggrieved by having to obey their husbands and submitting to them, wives should welcome this practical guideline for making their homes a haven of peace, harmony and fulfillment. But it is not easy to submit. Why is it desirable, that wives submit to, or obey, their husbands? Wouldn’t it have been more polite, instead, to instruct them to 'love' their husbands? The paradox is that it is the strong that need to submit and can do so without feeling humiliated. The submission of the weak is involuntary and leads to helplessness. To the world, however, submission suggests defeat and humiliation. The quest for power, and our cultural differences, stigmatizes this option. Our cultures assume that women who submit to their husbands are weak, abused and have something wrong with them. It is not because they are weak that wives are to submit to their husbands, but precisely because they are strong. And it is not just to obtain domestic peace that they need to so submit. Submission that is compelling and given without restraint is not a character flaw but a gift. Its purpose is blessing and loving their husbands, liberation and it is positive to both parties, all of which result in empowerment. The characteristic of an empowered woman is that she empowers both her and her husband through her submission to him. A husband who coerces or forces his wife into submission, presuming male superiority, denies himself the empowering love or gift of his wife’s submission.

I guess what it all comes down to is my submission to my husband is a powerful gift not given or taken lightly. Do I always think of my submission as a gift? No, especially when my butt is bright red. But I always know I do it willingly and with an open heart and soul. Would I ever change our relationship? Never for a minute. Do I ever feel unfairly punished? Yes, what wife doesn’t when she is hopping around with a freshly spanked butt? Will I submit to my husband next time he gets out the paddle, brush or belt? Yes, willing and with out question. Does my husband abuse me? No, I was in an abusive marriage before. I never allowed my ex-husband to spank me. He did not have that type of respect for me or our relationship. I am in a normal, happy, loving, respectful, and wonderful marriage where I submit to my husband and he is the Head of our Household. He spanks me & I am thankful and grateful for each and every time he whispers in my ear “You will be spanked…”

Thank you for reading my thoughts and allowing me to express myself here in this blog.



  1. Hello,

    I love this post, And I totally agree with you.. Wish I could say I could be the person you talk about, but I can't lol I want to be, but I know I can't... I do try, guess that's what matters.. Guess in a way I am glad I am not other wise why would I need to be in a DD relationship or want to be in one.. Thanks for a wonderful post..Wishing you and yours a wonderful weekend

  2. I believe that a loving wife, upon saying "I do" on her wedding day, should except a spanking each day of her life from her husband, before retiring for the night. Depending upon her naughtiness that very day, the spanking can consist of being given on her bare bottom with the hand, hairbrush, paddle, birch, or cane, by her husband.

  3. I like it when my husband spanks my bare bottom. It hurts but I know he loves me. He usually just uses his hand or a leather paddle. What is a birching like? Is it on you bottom?

  4. I to like my bare bottom spanked. he uses my hair brush which is flat backed and really makes my bottom sting.I have been spanked ever since I said I do on our wedding day. I am always spanked over the bed end as this displays my bottom to the correct height.

  5. my husband discipline spanks me in fornt of our friends and relativ es then makes me stand inthe corner with my hands on my head for an hour i then get sent to be in the spare room and forthe next week my bedtime would be 7pm and i would be grounded for a month

  6. my husband spanks me with a paddle on my bare bottom, he sometimes invites is friends at work to see me punished, I am then sent to stand in the corner with just a t-shirt on. He has also decorated a bedroom for me to be sent to when I have been punished. I am 23 and he is 33. My father told him to spank me when we got married. the last spanking I got off my father was the night before my wedding, in front of the family that were staying in our house for the wedding, he said that it was a warning that I would get the same if I ever returned home after leaving my husband

  7. y husband saw the message I left yesterday and has caned me and grounded me for a month my computor is being taken away tonight, and I am being spanked every night for a week, while relatives are staying so that they can witness the spankings, he said that he would use the paddle the hairbrush the cane and his belt a different punishment each day and bedtime has been changed to 6.30pm each evening. I am sorry but i will not be able to post anymore comments. I am typing this standing up as my bottom is very sore from the caning

  8. Like the author, I submit when my husband tell me that I need to be spanked. I submit to his authority and it is my gift to him. It's always in private, as it's a highly private act. It's never forced or in front of others. It hurts, I don't like it, but I know I need it. The lecture is the worst of it, knowing I disappointed him. I'm always spanked on the bare with his hand. He doesn't like to use implements. He wants it to hurt his hand as much as it's hurting me. He spanks long and hard. He spanks me as often or as little as I need it. I'm much calmer after it is over. Sometimes I can be spanked five times in a month and sometimes five months can go by and I don't need one. He's always fair and always knows when I've gone too far. I know when I've gone too far and stepped all over his authority. I submit without being asked most times. I usually get one warning... stop my destructive behavior or face a spanking. It's always my choice. He does not abuse my gift.

  9. A well-uplifted bare bottom is essential to discipline! There are no shortcuts. It is the very essence of a language that needs no words. It is timeless. It says everything that is needed. This works for wife and the children. It is easier to talk to a bare bottom than to a rebellious person. It is best when the strap or a water-soaked young birch rod does the talking, to the familiar accompaniment of the swishing and moaning. That is how I recall it was in our house. There were no words exchanged, except perhaps a question at the end: Do you want more? I even recall my answer,... which was always silence, which ment "no." The conclusion is always satisfactory, for the spanking can go on for a long time. When the bottom judges it has enough, the person ceases rebellion, and the family peace is fully restored. A bare ass can be seen as mediator between a happy family life and perennial life of nastiness. In our house, the love and peace was always restored by the father's rod, soon it was broken. Every husband and parent should keep this in mind.

  10. As far as my thoughts about spanking & discipline, they may not be the same as yours. Being a Catholic, I see the father and husband as having a God-given duty to restore order where it is lacking. It's a sacred duty that he must do, or else the non-doing it will turn against him, making his life insupportable. It does not really matter what the wife thinks. Just look at the picture above - the husband's attitude, and hers. He looks at her knowingly, as if telling her, "your naughtiness needs treatment now; it will soon be over": she is absent-minded, frivolous, doubtful. That will change after the paddle begins to do the talk. Amid tears, she will turn a better woman. The discipline does that to the hearts and minds: they begin to beat in unison. Children need not be present. It's enough that they know [hear] that mom is being trained to be a better person. It will be good for them to know how this is done. The wife will end up focused and compliant, and the marriage's life will be prolonged. True Christian marriage involves a hard work!

  11. The Catholic Church has come out against domestic discipline. Pope Paul was horrified by it and did not want husbands spanking wives. I am Catholic and to me, unmarried priests do not understand what marriage is about. I would step all over my husband's authority, if he let me. He has to restore order. That means I am called into his basement office and told to completely strip. I am to bare myself before him and humble myself. It is not sexual for him or I, but a submission on my part. The last thing I want to do while having my butt busted with a spanking, is to have sex. I'm not allowed to cover my body or hide my private parts. I have to stand before him bare, with my hands on top of my head, to make sure I do not try to cover myself. I have to hear his lecture on why I am being spanked in this embarrassing position. I become submissive and humble before he even starts. He instructs me to bend over his lap, feet apart and hands touching the floor... which is yet more humbling. I'm totally exposed, while he holds me around the waist with one arm and spanks fast and hard with the other, until he feels that I have truly been punished. A good spanking will leave me limp and exhausted. He doesn't stop spanking until he's convinced I've given up my bad attitude and then all is forgiven. It works, as harmony is restored. He reminds me that he is the man and I am to respect him and not disrupt the harmony of our marriage or our family. Sex does not follow this, no matter how much he makes me expose myself. It's meant as an attitude adjustment and baring of my soul. He does not allow me to hide anything. He sees it all while I'm being spanked and he lets me know it, by stopping once in a while and spreading me open to his view and inspection. I'm not allowed to protest his probing inspection or stop him. At that moment he owns my body. At that moment, I cry knowing that he will leave me with nothing untouched, probed into or looked at. It restores order that he is the dominant and I am the submissive partner... and that I have been humbled and taken off my high and mighty horse. He brings me back down to his level.

  12. And does he probe your ass while you squirm and promise to be good?

  13. Concerning Exes and Spanking

    The first woman I disciplined later admitted her ex-husband didn't have enough nerve to spank her. She had been a trophy wife. By her own admission, she'd also been a first class a bitch. Yet, when frankly confronted with her behavior one evening, she finally said she wouldn't try to stop me if I took her to the bedroom to "do it." The "it" was the first bare bottom blistering she'd had since her mother paddled her when she was an adolescent!

    So, why did an attractive woman agree to let her lover do something she'd never let her husband do? It a word, the answer is timing. Several factors must converge to facilitate coming to an agreement on what needs to be done and to follow through on that awareness.

    There comes a point of decision in every woman's life when even the most sophisticated knows she's long overdue for a straightening out. This is not something imposed from without. Instead, it is intrinsic. Every woman goes through this.

    Once confronted, there must also be time for the woman to sort things out in her own mind. The actually spanking usually isn't the problem. It's getting past preliminaries that increasingly expose a woman's vulnerability. It takes a women from the psychological, through a physical transformation, and back to an altered psychological state.

    It's one thing for a woman to admit to herself that she needs her buns busted. Having to even indirectly acknowledge in the presence of a man in a position to do something about it is infinitely more difficult.

    For the woman, taking her clothes off or even allowing her pants to be pulled down, knowing she may very well lose her composure as a result has a very different feel than going through the same ritual before sex. These emotions can range anywhere from resignation to humiliation.

    At the core of the difficulty is having to acknowledge an increasing loss of control. Women know there's no way of faking a learned-her-lesson paroxysm to fool the man once a spanking begins. Instead, if the man knows what he's doing, he going to shred her feminine mystique and at least catch a glimpse of the real her underneath. That requires the woman to trust that the man will not abuse the power he has over her when she is vulnerable.

    Because getting spanked is an intensely personal experience for the woman, there must be assurances of privacy. Even if there is no one else around, that usually means shut doors and drawn curtains.

    It also means that what happens in the bedroom, or wherever, stays where it happened. Even without a word being spoken, a woman needs to know that getting spanked isn't about his bragging rights.

    After its over, a woman expects to feel clean inside. The worse thing a man can do is leave a woman hanging. As one woman put it, "Don't leave me with my ass in the air knowing we're not finished!" Women really do expect to be taught a lesson rather than merely having their bottoms subjected to some momentary discomfort.

    To do what needs to be done, the spanking has to thoroughly dominate the woman's mind. By the time he's finished, both need to know that he has prevailed. Sometimes, it takes more than a man's hand to accomplish this objective.

    If a man meets a woman's expectations, then she will love and respect him for spanking her.