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Toilet Training Resistance

What is toilet training resistance?



How can I help my child with daytime wetting or soiling?

Most children younger than 5 or 6 years of age with soiling (encopresis) or daytime wetting without any other symptoms are simply engaged with you in a power struggle. These children can be helped with the following suggestions. If your child holds back BMs and becomes constipated, medicines will also be needed.

  1. Transfer all responsibility to your child.

    Your child will decide to use the toilet only after he realizes that he has nothing left to resist. Have one last talk with him about the subject. Tell your child that his body makes "pee" and "poop" every day and it belongs to him. Tell him that his "poop" wants to be in the toilet and his job is to help the "poop" come out. Tell your child you're sorry you punished him, forced him to sit on the toilet, or reminded him so much. Tell him from now on he doesn't need any help. Then stop all talk about this subject ("potty talk"). Pretend you're not worried about this subject. When your child stops hearing conversation about not going, she will eventually decide to go to the bathroom for attention.

  2. Stop all reminders about using the toilet.

    Let your child decide when she needs to go to the bathroom. Don't remind her to go to the bathroom or ask her if she needs to go. She knows what it feels like when she has to "poop" or "pee" and where the bathroom is. Reminders are a form of pressure, and pressure keeps the power struggle going. Stop all practice runs and never make her sit on the toilet against her will because this always increase resistance. Don't accompany your child into the bathroom or stand with her by the potty chair unless she asks you to. She needs to gain the feeling of success that comes from doing it her way.

  3. Give incentives for using the toilet.


  4. Give stars for using the toilet.


  5. Make the potty chair convenient.

    Be sure to keep the potty chair in the room your child usually plays in. This gives her a convenient visual reminder about her options whenever she feels the need to go to the bathroom. For urinating, the presence of the chair and the promise of treats will usually bring about a change in behavior. Don't remind her even if she's squirming and dancing to hold back the urine.

  6. Diapers, Pull-ups, or underwear.

    Whenever possible, replace pull-ups or diapers with underwear. Help your child pick out some underwear with favorite characters on them. Then remind her "they don't like poop or pee on them." This usually precipitates the correct decision on the part of the child. Even if your child wets the underwear, persist with this plan. If your child holds back BMs, allow selective access to diapers or pull-ups for BMs only. Preventing stool-holding is very important.


    As soon as you notice that your child has wet or messy pants, tell her to clean herself up. The main role you have in this program is to enforce the rule: "people can't walk around with messy pants." If your child is wet, she can probably change into dry clothes by herself. If your child is soiled, she will probably need your help with cleanup. If your child refuses to let you change her, ground her in her bedroom until she is ready.

  8. Don't punish or criticize your child for accidents.




When should I call my child's healthcare provider?

Call during office hours if:

  • Pain or burning occurs when your child urinates.
  • Your child is afraid to sit on the potty chair.
  • Your child's resistance has not improved after 1 month on this program.
  • The resistance has not stopped completely after 3 months.
Pediatric Advisor 2012.2 published by RelayHealth.
Last modified: 2004-05-11
Last reviewed: 2010-06-02
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