Do you ever wonder how some families can weather tough times well while others fall apart? Dr. Laurie Kramer, University of Illinois professor of applied family studies, says it's possible to develop the skills necessary for families to thrive even in challenging, changing times. Here are some of her suggestions for creating a strong family.

- Talk to each other. It's a busy world, and it's easy to get sidetracked. However, relationships won't grow stronger unless you talk to each other regularly. Many parents report having good discussions in the car when kids are literally a captive audience. And dinner time is another good talking time. Food relaxes people and encourages them to open up.

- Listen more. If parents are quiet long enough, kids often will open up, and that's really what you want. Talk less and really listen to what your kids are dealing with during the day, what they're thinking about, what they're excited about, and what they're confused about.

- Establish a regular routine. Plan to spend time with each other - whether it's a bedtime ritual for little kids, or a once-a-week pizza night with teenagers. Also spend time with each child individually every so often.

- View your problems as being solvable and approach them that way. There's nothing you're facing now that other families haven't faced and gotten through - together. Sometimes, families lack confidence or they may need help figuring out how to cope with situations. It's not a sign of failure to seek help from a counselor.

- Maintain a strong relationship with your spouse or partner. If there is no other adult to lean on in your family, see the next suggestion.

- Build a strong support system of friends and family. This can include neighbors and other families who have similar interests or kids the same ages.

- Develop a network of professional support for family life. Sometimes you just need an expert's opinion. Don't wait until a problem arises before you find a good pediatrician, get to know your children's teachers, and say more to your child-care provider than hi and goodbye at the end of the day. Attend parenting programs that look interesting to you. Consult a family life educator or counselor before you reach a crisis point. Read books and Web pages that support family life.

- Conflict is inevitable; fight fair. Accept that people in your family are going to behave in frustrating ways sometimes and learn ways to calm yourself before dealing with those situations. Don't confuse the person with the behavior. Work at developing patience and tolerance and learn to look at situations from the other person's perspective.

- Control anger. Don't allow anger over something that happened outside the family to explode inside the family. Sometimes anger at a supervisor, mother-in-law or a divorced spouse can be displaced onto family members who had nothing to do with getting you upset. If you're angry, try to figure out why you're angry and deal with it at the appropriate time, with the appropriate person.

- Cultivate optimism. Hopeful people see the bright side of challenges, not just their problematic aspects. Try not to jump to negative conclusions about what other people are doing or intending. Ask for explanations instead. Then you have a starting point for working through the problem together. Optimism may be the true source of happiness and resilience.
