Calming yourself down is easier than you think. Buzz60


Do you try to avoid work events that require socializing? And cringe at the thought of giving a presentation or talking to an executive at your company? 

When it comes to social anxiety at work, you aren't alone. Social media is filled with people lamenting their battle with social anxiety at the work and work-related events. 

For those who are letting their social anxiety prevent them from moving forward in their career, it may be time to find a mental health professional who specializes in anxiety disorders, according to Reid Wilson, Ph.D., professor of psychiatry, University of North Carolina School of Medicine and author of Stopping the Noise in Your Head. 

"When you start backing away from events that are important for your career, when your anticipatory dread starts interfering with your productivity, when you spend more time worrying about your performance than you do preparing, then it may be time to see a mental health professional," he said. 

But where do you begin? Here's a Q & A with Wilson about navigating social anxiety at work: 

Q: What is the cost of skipping work events? Does it reinforce anxiety? 

A: Wilson said that skipping out on work events because of anxiety is effective in relieving the anxiety, but could be bad in the long-term. 

"If your goal is to avoid feeling anxious, awkward, insecure and embarrassed, then avoidance is your best strategy, and it is the biggest crutch that people use when they're socially anxious," he said. "But it feeds on itself. The more you avoid, the more you think you can’t handle these events if you were to engage in them. So you avoid again as the only option you know to remove your distress." 

He said some people reduce their distress at work events by being quiet and avoiding personal conversations, or even pre-gaming or drinking too heavily during a function. 

While alcohol can be effective in the short term, you may be developing a "new crutch," with drinking becoming a secondary problem to your anxiety. 

Q: How can people with social anxiety identify their issues and work through them? 

A: Wilson notes that people with social anxiety fear the negative judgment of others.

He said people with social anxiety tend to think their quirks or nervous behavior could lead others to kicking them out of the so-called "tribe" or their social group. 

"To be a member of the tribe (your social group), you need to treat people with respect," he said. "You don’t need to be clever, funny, or wise. The way people get kicked out of the tribe is by being self-centered and narcissistic... The point is, they have to gain perspective that their anxiety has distorted this truth, and they need to override it with their conscious intentions." 

The key is recognizing that fear and to what degree it is rational and irrational. 

"If you think 'well if I go there, they will notice something and judge me,' you are right; people get judged ALL the time, and that is a realistic concern you have," he said. "The position you need to move to is I can tolerate that potential criticism." 

Q: What strategies can people use when they are anxious about navigating a social event at work? 

A: Wilson said people with social anxiety need to formulate a game plan before they ever step foot into the situation they are dreading.  He notes that if you wait until you are in the situation, you will have a harder time overriding your anxious tendencies or tics and may fall back into the pattern of avoidance.  

He said people can imagine themselves in the situation they are dreading, and review what behaviors, physiological responses, and thoughts they may experience.

"Decide that you will tolerate whatever anxiety and distress that you encounter," Wilson said. "If you’re going to get stronger, you have to learn to perform with distress, not get rid of your distress." 

He notes that people can also practice putting themselves in uncomfortable situations by finding group meet-ups and networking events that mirror the situations they may come into contact with at work. 

And when it comes to the real deal, acknowledge your anxiety and be open with your coworkers if need be. 

Are you talking too fast? 

"When you catch yourself starting to speed up, literally say inside your mind instructions such as "slow down,'" Wilson said. "Your message is just a cue. Train yourself to respond to that cue. 

Think your coworker is noticing your pressured speech or a nervous tic? 

"Consider the possibility of showing your vulnerability," he said. '''Sorry to be talking so fast. I'm working to get myself to slow down. Bear with me.' or you can make a lighthearted comment."

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If it helps to practice brief relaxation skills like simple breathing, go for it, but it needs to be part of the full package of identifying the anxiety-producing situations, developing a strategy and leaning in towards those anxious feelings instead of avoiding the situation. 

"Very often, those with social anxiety want to avoid the emotions and the internal responses that come with the fear of this threat. They need to be able to say, “I can handle feeling embarrassed,'" he said. 

Check out Wilson's video series on dealing with anxiety and worry here. 


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