Where have courtesy and respect gone?

Published: Wednesday, January 11, 2012 at 2:46 p.m.
Last Modified: Wednesday, January 11, 2012 at 2:46 p.m.

Common courtesy and mutual respect seem to be less and less common each day. I see fewer people using manners and treating others with respect than I did when I was young.

I remember as a child I was taught to respect my elders, say "thank you" when given something and "excuse me" if I was in someone's way. If I wanted to use something that belonged to someone else, I was taught to ask their permission. Using questionable language was not tolerated; neither was talking back to adults. If I forgot to use my manners, I was quickly corrected by my parents.

Today I see youths and adults being disrespectful to their elders by disobeying, belittling or simply ignoring them. While I can understand such behavior in young children, I have difficulty witnessing it in older children and adults. I have a difficult time understanding why the supervising adult fails to correct the child.

Is this not an injustice to the child if parents fail to teach them right from wrong? Are we, as a society, too busy and tired to parent effectively? Or have our values and morals changed such that we no longer value common courtesy and mutual respect to the same degree as previous generations? I suspect both of these theories bare consideration.

Each year it seems there are more things competing for our attention. We try to accomplish more in that same 24-hour period. It is understandable that exhaustion rears its ugly head, and our mood is negatively impacted. If we are too tired, we are more likely to have less patience with our children, thus increasing the likelihood of failing to correct misbehavior or abusing the child.

I recall a situation where I was at one of my favorite restaurants and overheard a grandmother raising her voice to a young child and threatening to "take him to the bathroom if he didn't behave." The next thing I saw was the grandmother jerking the child by the arm and practically dragging him to the restroom. It appeared to me that the child had autism, and his behavior was consistent with that disability. Then, I became one of those unwelcomed people who interfere in a disciplinary situation by following them and engaging the grandmother in a conversation about autism in an effort to de-escalate the situation.

I recall another instance several years ago where a young mother recounted her Black Friday shopping day by telling me how proud she was of her daughter for breaking in front of several people, by pushing them out of her way when the store opened so she could run and buy one of the televisions that was on sale. It was clear to me and the child that the mother valued this behavior.

This past holiday season as I watched the commercials and news stories about the Black Friday sales I wondered how many other people would act the same way as this child. I pondered the notion of how retail sales and advertising tactics perpetuate such disrespectful and rude behavior. In essence, these advertising tactics have played a part in the culture change of acceptable behavior in the United States.

I encourage you to reflect on the contents of this article and ask yourself whether we should continue on this path of cultural behavior change. Are you willing to accept being treated with such disrespect?

Carol S. Gouge, MPA, works in the behavioral healthcare field and grew up in Tyro. She can be reached at hello.2you@live.com.


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