Modern-day Dinosaurs Face Extinction, Too

July 22, 1987|By KEN KAYE, Staff Writer

When I was very young, about five years ago, I had a consuming fascination with dinosaurs. I could spell their names, draw their pictures and tell you what they ate for lunch.

After all, dinosaurs were intriguing, enormous animals. Some weighed as much as 50 tons or were three stories tall. They were for-real monsters, living millions of years ago, when our planet was still a primal swamp.

So, it was with renewed interest recently that I read dinosaurs may have become extinct as a result of a comet smashing into the Earth about 65 million years ago.

Scientists have found evidence that this collision created a giant dust cloud that encircled the Earth, blotted out the sun, caused a freeze, killed much of the plant life and thus wiped out my friends, the dinosaurs.

What really has me concerned is, what is to stop another giant asteriod from crashing into Earth? And if that happens, what is to become of all the modern- day dinosaurs?

Many of them are already in trouble.

For instance, right here in Broward County, you have the Driveinosaurus (pronounced DRIVE-IN-OH-SOAR-US).

Only a few of these beasts remain, notably one at Sunrise Boulevard and Northwest 31st Avenue. It subsists mostly by feeding on swap-shoppers.

Then you have your Sawgrassosaurus (pronounced SAW-GRASS-OH-SOAR-US).

It seems that no one wants to travel far enough west to see this critter, and thus it is starving for a lack of tolls.

Which reminds me of the Brachiosaurus, the largest dinosaur that ever lived. It was so heavy -- 50 tons -- that all it could do was lumber around in the water and eat ferns.

One of the more unusual modern-day dinosaurs includes the Lomelosaurus Rex (pronouced LO-MEL-OH-SOAR-US REX).

This creature used to enjoy free reign in the city of Sunrise, terrorizing its enemies and protecting its allies. But it got a little too brazen with the authorities and has been placed in captivity.

The Springbreakosaur (pronounced SPRING-BRAKE-OH-SOAR) is another vanishing breed.

Known for its wild and carefree ways, this animal used to roam the beaches of Fort Lauderdale in great numbers. It would prey on beer, bikinis and beefcake.

But, alas, the authorities could not tolerate the mess this creature left behind. Thus, whenever the Springbreakosaur migrated here, it found itself restrained by strict rules and walls. It has since gone hunting for quarry elsewhere.

Of course you have your blimposaurus (BLIMP-OH-SOAR-US), which, like its ancestor, the Pterodactyl, is a giant, flying monster.

The blimposaurus, based in Pompano Beach and known locally as the Enterprise, is being replaced by a new, improved blimposaurus, called the City of Akron.

Beyond Broward, there are many other modern-day dinosaurs, no doubt fearing another comet is headed their way.

One, just down the road, is the Orangebowlosaurus (ORANGE-BOWL-OH-SOAR-US).

This poor beast has been abandoned by the Miami Dolphins. The Orangebowlosaurus now sits as forlorn and ugly as any duck-billed Trachodon, a dinosaur that died off 75 million years ago.

Speaking of ugly, the Andyrooneyosaurus (AND-DEE-ROO-NEE-OH-SOAR-US), has been living off huge amounts of greenery at CBS by telling us everything we didn`t want to know about flashlights. But this creature and its material are getting old.

Speaking of prehistoric, Ronaldreaganodon, one of the direct descendants of the Mastodon, is trying to hang on one more year. In its place lies the specter of Georgebushodon, an animal too bizarre to describe here.

Last but not least, is the dreaded Goofyosaurus (GOO-FEE-OH-SOAR-US). Also known as Joan Rivers, this caustic creature has been surviving for years on tasteless jokes.

Frankly, there is a striking parallel between Goofyosaurus and the life and times of the Triceratops, a menacing dinosaur with three giant horns.

If they are lucky, none of the modern-day dinosaurs will be threatened by another catastrophic comet. But I do have a word of advice for them:

Don`t do anything a Brontosaurus wouldn`t do.

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