When the Kids Don't Want to Move

Daniel Hale By Daniel Hale NJ.com
on October 12, 2017 at 8:18 AM, updated October 12, 2017 at 8:25 AM
When a child first finds out that they are moving, they're not going to want to leave.

Moving can be a process that's difficult for everyone involved, especially if you have children. In fact, moving can have a big impact on your children's lives, which is why you should give them the attention that they need if you are planning a move. Many children won't want to move, which means you'll need to find a way to make the experience less devastating for them. Fortunately, there are a few ways that you can make your upcoming move a better experience for your children.

frustrated young child sulking with crossed arms and dirty look

Why Your Children Don't Want to Move

There are many reasons why kids don't want to move. Children who have lived in one house their entire lives won't feel comfortable moving somewhere strange - especially if it's in a different city. Their bedroom is their bedroom, their place of comfort and their sanctuary. Forcing them to leave it behind is not going to make them happy.

Not to mention that they most likely have a lot of friends that they will leave behind. Social ties are important to children, and leaving behind their friends can make them feel extremely lonely and vulnerable, especially if they have to go to a new school where they have to make all new friends.

Last but not least, many children don't want to move because they have no control over the situation. As children, they already have very little control over their lives. Moving is just another reminder of how powerless they are and how little what they think or feel seems to mean to the adults around them.

Improving The Moving Experience

There are a number of things that you can do to help make the transition to a new home easier on your children. The following are a few tips to help you improve their moving experience:

  • Tell them you're moving as soon as you know - Keeping this information from them is not a good idea, no matter how you think they'll react to it. They'll feel much more powerless if you suddenly tell them you're moving next week, and they're likely to resent the sudden change in their life. By giving them a heads up, you'll give them time to adjust to the idea of moving, thereby allowing them to come to terms with it.
  • Talk to them about how they are feeling - Make sure that you sit down and talk to your kids about how they feel. This shows them that you do care about what they think and what they feel. Ask them what they're worried about, what they're sad about or what they're scared of and address these concerns. It will go a long way to making them feel more at ease at the idea of moving. For example, if they don't want to move because they don't want to leave all their friends, tell them that they can still keep in touch via email, social media or even through online video games, and that they will make plenty of new friends as well.
  • Drive them around the area you're moving to - One of the reasons why many children don't want to move is because they don't want to leave their comfort zones. Comfort zones are important to children because the world is still a strange and scary place. Take them to the area you're going to move to and show them around. Drive to the school they'll be going to, show them some of the parks, take them to the mall or go to spots that you know they'll be interested in.
  • Give them the power to make decisions - Give your kids the opportunity to choose what color they want to paint their bedrooms, or where they want to set up their bedroom furniture. Small choices like these will help them feel like they actually have some say in what's happening and can make the move more enjoyable.
  • Allow them to participate in the moving process - Make your children feel like they're an important part of your family by getting them to sort and pack their belongings and to help with other moving tasks around the house, such as by labeling boxes.
  • Throw a goodbye party - Give them a chance to say goodbye to all of their friends, family and neighbors by throwing a goodbye party before your upcoming moving day.

When a child first finds out that they are moving, they're not going to want to leave. This is natural. Many younger children only know one home and do not want to leave their friends behind. Make sure you talk to them about how they feel and involve them in the moving process to help them adjust to the idea of moving and to make the experience less stressful and more pleasant.