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Maximizing Your Adaptability

Tony Alessandra

You remember The Golden Rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you"? Well, that's a wonderful axiom, as far as it goes. But not everybody wants to be treated the same way you do!

I think the real intent of the Golden Rule is to treat others the way they would like to be treated. Hence, I've come up with what I think is a newer, more sensitive version of The Golden Rule-or what I call The Platinum Rule:


The Platinum Rule, distilled to its essence, equates to respect for others. It's an attempt to break down the them-versus-us mentality and concentrate on the "us." It's a potent tool for helping build rapport by meeting the other person's needs and your own In fact, along with behavioral scientist Dr. Michael J. O'Connor, I wrote a book that examined the personality styles much more deeply.

The Platinum Rule (Warner Books, 1996) describes four core behavioral, or personality, types:

Directors are forceful, take-charge people. Their impatience-and sometimes their insensitivity-may make you wince. Driven by an inner need to get results, they're more concerned with outcomes than egos.

The friendly, enthusiastic Socializers are fast-paced people who thrive on admiration, acknowledgment, and applause. They love to talk, and while strong on fresh concepts, they're usually weak on execution.

Relaters are the teddy bears of the human zoo. Rather easygoing, people-oriented, and slow-paced, Relaters tend to drag their feet when it comes to change, preferring routine ways of doing things.

Thinkers are results-oriented problem solvers. They seek results in a quiet, low-key way. Thinkers are analytical, persistent, independent, and well organized, but often seen as aloof, picky, and critical.

Here are some added tips to help you practice adaptability

1. Reach out and touch someone. Think of a "difficult" person with whom you'd like to communicate better. What motivates that person? For a Director, it's control; for a Socializer, recognition; for a Relater, camaraderie; and for a Thinker, analysis. What can you do that will reinforce what this person needs most?

2. Don't be too quick to judge. Being able to recognize the styles is important, but be careful about judging someone's style too quickly and making irrevocable decisions based on your perceived compatibility. Your knowledge of the styles should expand your relationships, not limit them. So don't use The Platinum Rule to stereotype or pigeonhole others.

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