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Safely light pumpkins

Pumpkin Lingo

Growing pumpkins? If you want to walk the walk, you have to talk the talk. Here are all the top secret pumpkin growing terms that will fool even the most fanatical pumpkin grower.

Note: Just for fun! Any resemblance to the real pumpkin growing world is purely coincidence.
"A friendly lot....." Yeah, sure. All pumpkin growers are friendly:
A. Between the last frost and early spring.
B. When they are looking for tips and ideas.
C. To the owner of the manure farm.
"Blow-off" Growers apply so much water, fertilizers and manures that a giant pumpkin vine grows so fast it actually breaks off at or near the tip. When you see it, it looks like it exploded off.
This also stands for the reaction you get when you ask the second or third place winner how he or she did.
Caction (Cac) An otherwise irrelevant agricultural term important to, and known by, scholars and giant pumpkin growers only.
Cocktail A vitamin and mineral rich concoction which include chemicals for health in fighting off disease and pests. Growers drink their favorite liquor regularly as they worry over every detail. And, it is usually the only caloric intake they take time to consume until frost.
Companion Plants From the day the seed is placed in the ground, the only companion a grower needs is his or her pumpkin plant.
Cucurbita A big Latin word, for a big all world fruit.
Dill Ring Married folk exchange and wear a ring to signify the bond between them. Pumpkin Fanatics do likewise, but with their pumpkins, as a sign of their un-dying devotion to their sport.
Flat Vine While this phenomenon has growers and biologists baffled, it is simply caused by kids and cows trampling through the pumpkin patch.
Floating Row Covers Ultralight blankets used to cover pampered pumpkins during cold nights.
Goes Down You have never experienced a worse mess, nor a worse smell unless you have witnessed the effects of a giant pumpkin that rots on the vine. The grower is a mental and physical mess, showing all signs of mental breakdown. He or she is so depressed, they cease all bodily care, including showers(the smell).
Injector System This is the "fuel injection system" equivalent in the pumpkin world. Growers will tell you it is an injector system to add fertilizers to the water system feeding the plants. What is really going on is the growers are mainlining fertilizers to their pumpkin vines.
Manure Tea You've got to be kidding!! Crumpets anyone?
OTT Over The Top Measurement. You can get an approximate weight of your pumpkin while still in the field by using this measurement system. This only applies to giant pumpkins, but the hard part is that to get an accurate Over The Top measurement on a really big one, you need to climb to the top first.
Pumpkin Widow Or Widower. Do we need to explain what happens to spouses once the season begins?
SVB Most new growers are told this stands for Squash Vine Borer", public enemy #1 in the cucurbita world. What it really means is "Secret Vine Bedding". This bedding material is so potent and nutrient rich that serious growers hide it's very existence by claiming it's a bug. Imagine that!!
Weigh-off Versus weigh-in a weigh-off is when you bring your prize pumpkin to a festival for an official weight measurement. Debate rages as to the correct spelling "weighoff", weigh-off". Does it really matter that much?
Went Down See "Goes down" above. The major difference in this term is it is used in the past tense. It is usually spoken only by fellow growers as the affected grower usually does not speak for months later, if ever.
ZooDoo The special kind of manure found only in Zoos.

Related article: The Great Elephant Caper

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