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Dr. Kathleen Trainor Headshot

Electronics and Anxiety: A Family Affair

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What is the effect of this "all in the family" technology? These new techie toys are coming to market quickly, and our society has an insatiable appetite for them. Caught in the vortex, research hasn't had a chance to catch up, and we won't have definitive data about the effects of this lifestyle revolution for years to come.



As a child psychologist, my biggest concern about the explosion of screen use among all of us, including babies, is that it interferes with sustained face-to-face, intimate contact with family members. Again, how this will affect social and emotional development is an unknown, but it's clear that screens divert our focus from humans into gadgets in a way that is highly individualized and not social. And it's not only the impact of screens on our children and babies that is problematic; it is also the impact of parents who may be physically with their kids, but actually not connected to them because today's moms and dads are often distracted by screens as well.


When I became an intern years ago, I was given a beeper to be used when I was "on call," and I remember how anxiety-producing it was when it would go off. When wearing it, I was always aware that I was working on some level, and I wasn't free to relax when playing with my kids, making dinner or even resting. In the last few years, like many doctors, I have given back my beeper and use my cell phone instead, since they both serve the same function. However, now, everyone has a cell phone, and we are often expected to be on call, on-demand, 24/7.

How many of us, especially parents, would not feel anxious if we left home without our phone? How many would feel compelled to go back home to get it? The first thought is, What if something bad happens and I don't have my phone? What if my child gets sick at school, and they can't immediately reach me?

Anxious Stories

A mother of a preschooler was at a doctor's appointment and her phone was turned off. As she was leaving, she quickly looked at her phone and said, "My stomach dropped -- my son's teacher texted me 20 minutes ago that he was complaining of a belly ache, and I didn't instantly respond!" In fact, not responding instantly to teachers or to your children now feels like Bad Parenting 101. And, what if work sends an email that you don't immediately respond to? This doesn't make a good impression on your boss or a client. And how many of us can say we never received a work-related call, text or email in the evening, weekends and/or on vacation that demanded our immediate attention? Even when looking for a vacation spot, consider how important it is to have Internet access.

As a child psychologist, I hear vexing tales about technology and anxiety every day. I recently saw a mom who was telling me how her 12-year-old daughter had been rude to her that morning, so she took her phone away. But then she told me she had to give it back to her. When I asked why, she said, "Well, we had a long drive to get to this appointment, and then she would have to sit in the waiting room, and I couldn't expect her to do all that without her phone!" Then she paused, and we both burst out laughing, realizing how silly that sounded! It made it so clear how much our family life and expectations have changed in this techie age.

In another example, a parent of a 7-year-old boy was talking to me about the incredible peer pressure his son feels to have the latest electronics. He said, "As parents, I think we are going to look back at all this and say, 'What were we thinking?'"

Again, it's a family affair. While parents are complaining about their kids' use of screens, kids are now complaining about their parents being on screens. "My mom is always on her phone." "My dad is always on his computer." In short, potentially valuable family time is routinely being interrupted by the buzzing of screens. In fact, texting while driving has been determined to be as dangerous as drunk driving. Have we reached the point where parenting on devices should be compared to drunk parenting because of the level of distraction?


Today's family is typically a matrix of everyone, at every age, at home together. But we're not talking, we're not really connecting. We're fixated on our screens. And if this is the new normal, why shouldn't we add to the picture a baby in a bouncy seat with an iPad? No one in this family is looking at her anyway.

The Techie Takeaway

So, how can parents deal with this dilemma?



