Sunday, October 14, 2012


     In espionage, a mole is someone who is recruited to work his way into an organization as a secret agent, or long-term informant, to supply firsthand data to an agency, incriminating his boss while being paid by the boss.  Other terms for moles are:  sleeper agents, double agents, insider threats, agents of influence, and traitors.
     Moles are also furry little animals with polydactyl hands, like humans, and long noses--creatures who live a subterranean life and are rarely seen, unless the cat brings one in.  In my yard there is evidence of moles everywhere.  They churn serpentine patterns in the earth, evident at the surface of the lawn, as they tunnel their way towards secret destinations.  The function of these tunnels is to catch worms, which fall into the tunnels and are quickly eaten, or paralyzed with a toxin in the mole's saliva, then saved for future meals.  Some moles can kill and eat a worm in less than 0.3 seconds.  Thousands of worms have been found in the storage dens of moles, that's how effective they are at killing.
     Is there a mole in my office?  I wouldn't know, to be honest, because a very good mole would remain incognito.  When working for the government or in large corporations, moles become long-term spies, sometimes making entire careers out of posing as regular employees and informing their real bosses who among the employee pool is slacking, or disgruntled, or embezzling, or otherwise taking down the organization in disintegrating ways.  In an office like mine, a mole would be someone hired by the government to turn against my office enterprise--perhaps someone who worked for me, originally, then was recruited by the government.  The mole himself is a disintegrating agent, because his very presence triggers an alarm, at a subconscious level, which is picked up by everyone in the organization.
     Yesterday a vascular tech applicant was scheduled for an interview with me, followed by a training session on our ultrasound units .  She chose the date and time herself, to make sure she could be there.  When she didn't show up, one of my employees called to find out what happened.  The applicant made numerous excuses, still holding out the possibility that she would come, or maybe she wouldn't, she wasn't sure, she needed "more information."
     "She asked me a lot more questions than a normal applicant," my employee, also an ultrasound tech, told me.
     "Like what?" I asked.
     "Like, did I know what I was doing?  And did you know what your were doing?  And, what were our credentials."
     "I am suspicious about her," I said.
     "She also kept asking how many studies could she get a day.  She said it wouldn't be worth it if she couldn't get a lot of studies.  She wanted a guarantee that she'd make a lot of money."
     "What did you tell her?"  I asked.
     "I told her the truth.  The number of studies we do depends on the patients.  We can't predict this for her.  But she wanted me to tell her there would be lots of studies, as though she was hoping we'd say she could decide when and on whom to do the studies."
     "She can't do that.  It's up to providers to make decisions about when an ultrasound is necessary.  You can't give her any guarantees, especially not with an independent contractor position.  She was probably a spy for the FBI."
     "That makes sense," said my tech.  "She didn't act like the usual job applicant.  She pressured me too much.  She tried to get me to say things that could get you into trouble."
     When I spoke on the phone with this so-called job applicant, she asked me, over and over, "Are you qualified to read ultrasounds?  Are you trained to do this?"
     She didn't leave space in the conversation for me to interview her, and she brushed off my questions as though real answers weren't necessary.  When I asked her what studies she could do, her only answer was, "vascular studies."  It seemed to me that she didn't know how to be specific, because she didn't know anything about ultrasound work.
     This is a message to the FBI.  If you want to trip us up with spies, or moles, you're going to have to do a whole lot better at it.  It's obvious that you haven't found anything real to support your suspended case against me, so you have to try to manufacture a problem.  But you're not doing a good job at that either.  I'm not a worm, and there aren't any worms around here for you to catch.  You don't even seem to know the difference between a worm and a twig.
     Please send an ultrasound tech spy who knows how to do ultrasounds, and who shows up for the interview.  Tell the applicant to stop asking so many transparent questions.
     Please also send someone who can do a few studies in my office, so I get something out of this charade, too.  I need, specifically, a certified, experienced vascular technician who can do echocardiograms, and studies of the carotids, lower extremity arterial and venous circulation, and aorta.  We will train him or her on our Sonosite equipment.  The job pays the tech per study, and the tech will be reported as an independent contractor.  There is no guarantee about the number of studies the applicant will "get."  We need someone one day per week.
     In exchange for having a mole in our office, I will answer any questions you wish, and will give the mole--to pass on to you--all the reports and data pertaining to ultrasounds in my clinic.  I think this is a fair deal.  Otherwise, don't waste my time by sending fakers, people who don't know the first thing about ultrasounds, or medicine, and who are god-awful liars, to boot.   

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