Expert Reviewed

wikiHow to Pet a High Strung Cat

Three Methods:Making a Skittish Cat ComfortableReading a Cat's Body LanguagePetting a Cat CorrectlyCommunity Q&A

Petting a cat can be more difficult than it sounds, especially if you are dealing with a high strung cat. A nervous, aggressive, or fearful cat may not know how to react to your affectionate advances, interpreting them as aggressive when they are really loving. Though you may want to pet, hug, or squeeze your beloved feline whenever the mood strikes you, instead you need to take the cat's temperament into consideration when you want to give it a little affection.

Making a Skittish Cat Comfortable

  1. 1
    Give a high strung cat places to hide and feel comfortable. While it may be tempting to force a nervous cat to come out of hiding, this will not build a better relationship with the cat. Instead, if you can tempt the cat out of hiding, you are putting the ball in the cat's court so to speak, basically having it make the decision to interact. If the cat has places it feels safe, then perhaps it will feel less stressed and it will make the cat feel more secure when it does venture out.[1]
    • While you want to make sure the cat can hide itself a bit, you also need to make sure that there are no hazards around it.[2] Be especially sure that the cat cannot escape!
  2. 2
    Give the cat some physical space from you. Don't force your affection onto a high strung cat. It can be totally frustrating to care for a cat that doesn't trust you or care to hang out with you, but you need to keep focused on developing your long-term relationship with the cat. Forcing the cat to do something it doesn't want to do will only make it more distrustful of you.
  3. 3
    Simulate your cat's mind and body. Provide the cat with toys and equipment, such as a cat tower, that will make it happier and more fulfilled.[3] While a skittish cat may be a little afraid of you, it may overcome that fearfulness to play with you or to receive a treat. Contentment will only make it more likely that the cat will overcome its shyness and become comfortable with you.
  4. 4
    Understand that a skittish cat may never get totally comfortable in your presence. Some cats are naturally reserved or have experienced trauma that makes them fearful. While it's important to try to make your cat happy and content, it may not be able to overcome all neuroses. Make a concerted effort to socialize your cat but don't think of it as a personal failure if your cat doesn't want to snuggle with you all the time.
  5. 5
    Make sure that the cat sees that you are feeding it. Food is a powerful motivator for a cat, so if it knows that you are the source of its food it may be more inclined to show you affection. If the cat is severely high strung, feeding time may be the only time you can get near it. Hang out near the cat's food dish, making sure that you are far enough from the dish that the cat will actually eat but that your presence is acknowledged by the cat.

Reading a Cat's Body Language

  1. 1
    Look for signs of fear in the cat. You don't want to increase the anxiety in a cat that is already stressed out. If a cat has its hair raised or is hissing at you, it's a good sign that the cat doesn't want to interact with you. At that point you can do one of two things, either walk away and let the cat have its space or you can try to win it over by offering a treat to it at a distance. You should not, however, try to win it over by forcing physical affection. This will only discourage trust and may result in the cat scratching or biting you.
    • Remember that a cat will rely on the instinct of fight or flight when it feels at risk.[4] Whether it runs from you or fights you, it is doing it out of fear.
    • You can also look at a cat's tail to judge its comfort level. A tail that is straight up may signal that the cat is fearful, while a relaxed and swishing tail is more likely to signal that the cat is comfortable with you.
  2. 2
    Understand that a cat may decide it doesn't want to be petted at any point. Stop petting the cat at any sign of displeasure. A cat will usually warn you that it is getting overstimulated by a soft bite or growl.[5] If the cat you are petting does this, immediately quit petting it and give it some room.
  3. 3
    Look for signs the cat enjoys being petted. Purring is the clearest signal that your cat enjoys how you are petting it.[6] The cats body should be relaxed and it may be pressing into your hand for more pressure if it really likes the petting.
    • Your cat may also direct your petting toward where it wants to be scratched. This is a good sign that it likes what's going on, the cat just wants it to happen in another location.
  4. 4
    Remember that just because a cat rubs up on you, doesn't mean it wants to be petted. A cat may even be purring and then decide that it is done with what you are doing. When petting a high strung cat, be prepared to stop petting him or her quickly, and be aware that you may get bitten or scratched. This may be the cost of trying to connect with a skittish cat.

Petting a Cat Correctly

  1. 1
    Lure the cat toward you. Once you've located the cat, sit down on a nearby piece of furniture or on the floor but not too close to the cat. Try to be at the cat's elevation so you're not looming over it. You can look in its direction but don't make eye contact. Call the cat's name. It will either respond by looking at you, turning an ear in your direction, pausing from current activity, or slowly getting up, stretching, and leaving the room, or it will not respond to you at all.
    • If the cat acknowledges you, begin to pat your knee and call it again in a pleasing, gentle voice. You could even entice it to come to you with a treat.[7]
  2. 2
    Allow the cat to sniff and rub up against you without attempting to pet it. A skittish cat needs to get used to your smell before it can become comfortable with you. If it comes up to you and rubs up against you, it's saying that you are its territory.[8] While a rub against your legs doesn't exactly mean that the cat loves you, it's a good first step toward the cat becoming comfortable with you.
    • Once the cat has rubbed up against you a few times, put your hand out for it to smell. The cat may rub your hand with its cheek, at which time you can begin to gently find out where it likes to be petted.
  3. 3
    Make sure the cat sees you coming before you attempt to pet it. Don't surprise a high strung cat. While you might get closer to a skittish cat by sneaking up on it, you are not building trust with the cat. Instead, make sure that the cat sees you coming. If it agrees to let you pet it, you will know because it won't run away.
  4. 4
    Pet the cat in specific areas of its body. Begin by petting it on the back or under its chin. Also try scratching your cat between the shoulder blades or under its collar. These are spots it can't reach easily, and so cats generally love it.
    • Gently stroke the cat in the direction of its fur growth, as many cats don't like their fur messed up by petting against the growth.
  5. 5
    Avoid petting sensitive areas. For instance, avoid petting a high strung cat's belly.[9] Although some cat's enjoy being petted on the belly, it's more likely that this will make a skittish cat go into defense mode. Some cats even take petting on the stomach as a clear invitation to playfully gnaw and scratch your hand.
    • Also, many cats don't like being touched on their paws.
    • Some cats can bite without warning if you pet them too much. It is often safer to only pet the head, neck and under the chin if you are unsure.
  6. 6
    Be patient. Pet your new best friend gently and find out where and how the cat likes to be stroked or gently scratched. If your cat leaves, act like you are glad to be doing something very important.
  7. 7
    Build up the length of time you pet the cat gradually. Don't expect a shy cat to put up with petting for a long period of time. Give him or her a few nice pets on the back and then willingly let the cat move away. This will begin the physical bonding process between both you and the cat, but it will also help to build the bond of trust as well.

Community Q&A

Add New Question
  • My kitten is nice for five minutes then bites and scratches. What should I do?
    Pippa Elliott, MRCVS
    Veterinarian, Royal College of Veterinary Surgeons
    It is a bizarre but well-recognized phenomena that some cats have a limited fuse when it comes to petting. They tolerate it for a time but then lash out unexpectedly. There is no simple answer other than to learn to read the tell-tale sign, such as a sideways glance or a flick of the tail, that indicates the cat has had enough and is about to strike out. When you see this, stop the petting and step away from the cat.
  • My 6-month-old cat attacks my legs and bites me. I've tried almost everything but she still does it.
    wikiHow Contributor
    When does she do this? If it's every time you go past, she probably wants attention and hasn't learned any other way to get it. Try giving her attention as you go towards her, say her name and be ready to pet her. If she hurts you, say "No" firmly and don't give her attention. If it's near when you feed her, she probably wants food and, again hasn't learned any other way to communicate this to you.
  • My cat is 7 weeks old and I just got her 2 days ago. She wants to use the litter box. What do I do?
    wikiHow Contributor
    After she eats place her in the box. If she has and accident then do not scold her or throw away the waste. Show her that waste goes in the litter box and place it there. She will catch on soon.
  • Why does my cat likes to go outside so much?
    Cats are hunters and love to explore. Your cat is likely looking for food in the form of mice and birds.
  • We have a 4-month-old cat, she doesn't like being touched or petted, she hisses when you get near her, and always bites and scratches. What do we do?
    wikiHow Contributor
    Give her some time, first of all. Leave her alone if she is hostile, though discourage her biting and scratching by scolding her and ignoring her. We adopted a feral cat and for two long years we couldn't touch her, but eventually she opened up and now she is very sweet and loving. Give your cat some time to get through her nerves and let her personality shine.
  • If my cat becomes calm when I pet her stomach, does that mean she likes it?
    Well, it certainly sounds like it. One way to tell if a cat trusts you is if they expose their stomach and allow you to rub it.
  • My cat has recently starting biting and attacking my hands or face while just sitting in my lap. Her eyes become dilated and I get a stare down before she pounces.
    wikiHow Contributor
    Try having a toy at hand to distract her with so then she will pounce on that instead.
  • My 10-year-old neutered cat is high strung and sprays in certain areas of the house. What should I do?
    wikiHow Contributor
    Your cat may be sick. When cats have a UTI, they avoid the litter box. Or there could be outside cats near windows or doors upsetting them. If all else fails, keep the cat in the room where it does not spray. Once they spray somewhere, they inevitably do it again.
Ask a Question
200 characters left


    • Don't be scared of the cat. If you are scared, the cat will be too.
    • Cats generally love being petted on the top of the head, below the chin, down the back, and on the back of their neck (especially if they wear a collar). Stick to these sweet spots if you want your cat to warm up to you. Stay away from petting their paws, tail, lower back, and stomach at first.
    • When a cat starts to wake up they're usually calmer and more likely to let you touch them. Also, if a cat is tired it may be inclined to happily ignore your petting and take a nap.


    • If a cat does hook your hand with its claws, don't yank your hand back, you'll end up with one or more long ragged scratches on your skin. Allow the cat to pull your hand towards itself. Typically it might nibble on your hand a bit or unhook its claws once your hand is closer.
    • Do not try to pet your cat while it is eating or using the litter pan, as it may become territorial and scratch you.
    • It's possible your high-strung cat could have Feline Hyperesthesia Syndrome if it gets overly agitated by petting. If this is the case, petting and brushing cause pain instead of pleasure. There are various ways to help your cat including (but not limited to) clicker-training, more play time and activity, and medication.
    • Sometimes cats nibble or paw your hand and forearm playfully. Stop petting the cat and move to a different room for at least 10 minutes. This should show the cat that nibbling or pawing is not a acceptable behavior.

    Made Recently

    Did you try these steps?
    Upload a picture for other readers to see.
    Upload error

    Article Info

    Categories: Managing Cat Behavior

    In other languages:

    Español: acariciar a un gato muy nervioso, Italiano: Coccolare un Gatto molto Nervoso, Русский: гладить очень нервную кошку, Português: Afagar um Gato Estressado, Deutsch: Eine nervöse Katze streicheln

    Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 215,626 times.

    Did this article help you?