Saturday, June 28, 2008


Trust is a big word. It also has a big meaning. It encompasses a large group of different meanings to different people. To children, it means the inner circle of their lives. To younger people, it means "I've known you for a while and you've never done anything bad to me so I trust you". As we grow older, however, it becomes a very complicated word. It changes with life experience.

To abused children, it becomes a very muddled and complicated thing to figure out. (And, yes, I know what I'm talking about). You know the person who abused you, but generally speaking, the other people in your life know nothing about the abuse and don't understand certain changes in your personality. They don't know why you withdraw from some things and not others. As a child, you think others will be able to figure it out just by looking at you. Throw in the guilt aspect of it, and trust becomes a difficult thing to do. This just sets up the rest of their muddled life.

For some, it depends on their friends they've had. How did that person respond to a situation where you had an emotional upheaval? If they weren't supportive, you no longer trust your own emotions. You may think you are the one with all the problems. If they tell others of your feelings, you no longer feel you will be able to trust anyone as a friend again. That means you really don't have many friends if any. You can't let your gaurd down.

For others, trust in a romantic relationship is almost impossible. Most of us have had a relationship where the other person cheated on us. I don't know too many of us that haven't had that happen. (I realize that most people have no boundaries which makes them hurt the rest of us). Most people who have a real hard time trusting again are the ones who had a more emotional childhood upheaval. The lack of trust permeates the rest of our love life. Sometimes we figure it out, but most often not.

Learned behavior is also a huge portion of our trust. If we have a parent who always goes at life as though everyone is out to get them, we will have the same issues. We will not trust others to have our best interests at heart. We will always feel that our partners only have bad intentions in store. That can affect having a real conversation, because we won't really listen to what they have to say. That means we will never be truly close, because we won't truly know them.

Trust is a BIG deal. CWITGO


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