Though the majority of prevention tips teach women to be cautious in dark parking lots or never to walk alone at night, a Midland Rape Crisis and Children's Advocacy Center's education coordinator said Tuesday the biggest risk often comes from the people we trust.

"Stranger assaults are actually relatively rare," said education coordinator Randall Upton, speaking after a presentation to a group at Casa de Amigos about date rape Tuesday.

Because of this, he said, there isn't a neat list of prevention techniques as many who are assaulted say the perpetrator was someone they knew and trusted, not someone they would ever have thought to be on their guard around.

One out of every six American women have been the victims of an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime, according to the National Institute of Justice and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

About two-thirds of those incidents are committed by someone the victim knows.

In educating people about date rape, though, Upton said, those in the community are increasingly understanding such circumstances are not ever the victim's fault.

"A sexual assault is planned," he said. "It's not an accident."

Often, he said, victims blame themselves because they may have been drinking or fear they sent the wrong messages.

In retrospect, though, Upton said, it becomes clear the victim did send a definite "no" message or was under the influence of alcohol or a date rape drug that made them unable to make a decision about the situation.

When people are under the influence, he said, they cannot legally give consent.

In educating high school and college students, he said, they advise students to always go to parties in pairs and never to leave a drink unattended as that's the most common avenue for being drugged. While most understand these directions, he said, teens also often see themselves as invincible to a point and don't take the precautions they should.

"They intellectually know it but they pretty much think it's not going to happen to them," Upton said.

What they're helping all age groups to understand, he said, is sexual assaults are not about sex as much as they're about power.

When victims realize that, Upton said, it helps them know they're not crazy if they feel like something is wrong with them even if they're physically OK.

"There's not something wrong with them if they're still having problems," he said.

Often, Upton said, date rape incidents make it difficult for victims to sustain long-term relationships in the future because they were assaulted by someone they trusted.

In seeking therapy and opening up about these issues, he said, usually healing can take place.

When individuals leave his presentations, Upton said, he hopes they understand this point if nothing else so if they or a friend is ever victimized they'll know it wasn't their fault and they should seek help.

Midland, he said, is known for having law enforcement and a district attorney who will investigate and prosecute sexual assaults, which also has helped reporting rates locally.

"Sexual assault isn't new it's been going on forever," he said. "What we are seeing increase is people's willingness to say that it's occurred."

Kathleen Thurber can be reached at

For more information:

Casa de Amigos holds For Your Information classes from 11 a.m. to noon Monday through Thursday. Call 682-9701 for more information.