Fisher: Helping others is good for you, too

Former Duck Scott Niedermayer, center, helps volunteers from the Ducks organization and season ticket holders re-landscape Mattie Lou Maxwell Elementary School in Anaheim in November. The re-landscaping is part of a broader "extreme makeover." JOSHUA SUDOCK, THE ORANGE COUNTY REGISTER

So I was thinking about that TV show, Extreme Makeover Home Edition, and how it managed to rally entire towns full of volunteers to help build massive new homes for people who were out of luck, due to illness or disaster.

The show wasn't really always the blessing it seemed, because, it turns out, some of the recipients later lost those new homes, too.

For example, sometimes the people just couldn't afford to pay the utilities on a huge house. It costs a week's wages for a service worker to air condition a 5,000-square-foot home for a month in the summer in Texas. A smaller house that didn't have huge soaring vaulted ceilings would have been more appropriate.

And, sometimes, the same financial mismanagement that landed the people in a mess the first time around did it again: They mortgaged the new homes to the hilt, spent the money, and then lost it all.

Still, regardless of the ultimate outcomes, we responded to that show because we were able to be philanthropic voyeurs: Without leaving our lounge chairs, we experienced both pain and pleasure watching others being helped.

This was on my mind because of studies that suggest being compassionate and kind is not only good for the people you help, but good for you, too. And it's not just good for your mental health, but good for you, physically, too.


Researchers also found that pleasure centers in people's brains were just as stimulated by pictures of people being given money as when they contemplated getting money themselves — explaining the lasting appeal of shows like "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" and "Undercover Boss," in which deserving employees always get rewarded at the end of the show by the boss who's been masquerading as one of them.

The moral of this story, of course is: Watch more TV.

Just kidding. The moral is that the more you engage yourself to help others, the more you'll help yourself. If you're down in the doldrums for whatever reason, doing something nice for someone will generate positive feelings that will radiate back to you.

And you don't have to wait until it comes on at 9 p.m. Tuesday.

Even if it's just smiling or complimenting someone's hair, you're paying it forward at that moment.

I still remember one Valentine's Day many years ago when I'd just been dumped. Thanks, Hallmark, for reminding me of the love I just lost.

To cheer myself up, I decided to make valentines for everyone in my office. On Feb. 14, the woman who sat in the cubicle next to me, a complainer by nature, was griping that she didn't have a date that night. What a surprise.

But I was too busy to complain, because I was walking around the office, surprising everyone with my homemade valentines and treats. Guess who went home in a better mood?

The past few Christmases have been different in our family, because my kids are now teenagers who sleep in on Christmas morning. I miss being awakened at 4 a.m. by maniacal, single-minded little beasts, demanding to go open presents now, in the dark.

Buddy the Wonder Dog would wake me at 4 a.m. if I let him, but it's not the same.

Two years ago, I was remembering how sad it made me to get off the freeway offramp and see homeless people begging for a meal. You get rather hardened to it on most days, but on Christmas it seems particularly poignant.

I concocted the idea that we'd make up some Christmas bags and give them to homeless people that day. I bought tuna snacks, socks, a toothbrush, soap and included a Christmas card with a $5 bill inside.

The first year, the kids grumbled about having to make up the bags, especially because I insisted they should be decorated and have ribbon bows. But driving around and giving them out became the highlight of Christmas Day. Even more fun than opening presents.

By the second year, the kids couldn't wait to make up the bags. And, as soon as gifts were opened Dec. 25, they were bugging me to get dressed and get in the car to give them out.

Curly Girl gave one bag to a man behind a closed drugstore who told her, "I was just getting really angry that no one cared, and then you showed up with this. Thank you."

And a group of homeless people behind a fast food restaurant called them "Christmas angels."

I got the idea to do this from a man I wrote about many years ago, an immigrant from Vietnam who used to buy a bunch of new sleeping bags and go around Santa Ana on Thanksgiving, handing them out to homeless veterans. It was his way, he told me, of thanking them for their service to his country.

He seemed so happy doing it, too. I don't know if he's still out there or not, but he certainly inspired me.

So if you're having a bad day, or a bad week or a bad year, don't go to the spa today. Or if you do, make a special effort to do something random for someone else afterward.

I bet it will feel as good as a Swedish massage. Well, almost as good. I'm not crazy.



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