Men Often Overestimate Their Own Appeal: Study

Even when you're so not, research reveals

Siobhan O'ConnorFebruary 3, 2012Comments

As if dating weren’t confusing enough, new research shows that women aren’t especially good at recognizing when men are interested in them...and men appear to have the opposite problem—especially if they think they’re good looking.

Experts from Williams College and the University of Texas at Austin tested out the theory in a speed-dating experiment where each participant met five potential suitors. Then they asked each person to asses the people they met on how attractive they were, and how sexually interested they were in that person. The findings are ones for the ages: If a man found a woman attractive, he was much more likely to assume she was keen to get it on with him, too. But more often than not, he was mistaken.

“Based on our research, the more a man found a woman attractive and the more he was sexually interested in her, the more likely he was to overestimate how interested she was in him,” says Carin Perilloux, PhD, visiting assistant professor at Williams College. “It's unfortunate, but for men, the more you like her, the more careful you need to be with this bias.”

Amusing as this research sounds, there’s an interesting explanation as to why. First, it’s important to note that men were not making errors all over the place. Yes, they were more likely to think the women they liked were interested in them sexually, but this was (perhaps unsurprisingly) especially true of men looking for a short-term hookup—a misperception that may give him an evolutionary advantage. “The errors men make aren't random,” says Dr. Perilloux. “They appear tailored toward unconsciously increasing reproductive success, at least in ancestral environments.” So in laymen’s terms: More partners, more possibilities to reproduce. 

But what about women? What’s a woman who consistently—and wrongly—thinks men just aren’t that into her supposed to do? Or, worse, what if she’s always getting hit on by men she’s simply not attracted to?

Some advice from Dr. Perilloux: “If a woman is annoyed with men overstepping their bounds, or tired of having awkward ‘I just want to be friends’ conversations, then she could be more direct in letting men know when she’s not interested—which also means avoiding any cues of interest such as hair-touching, prolonged eye contact, giggling, and touching his arm.” If, on the other hand, you’re a woman who enjoys the dating game and the thrill of the chase, says Dr. Perilloux, “the results indicate that her typical level of friendliness is already probably enticing enough to men.” Sounds about right to us.