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Laws of Physics as applied to Cats

Acceleration: A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until the cat gets good and ready to stop.

Aerodynamics: If it flies, a cat will chase it.


Dinner Table Attendance: A cat will attend all meals when anything good is served.

Disinterest: A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest the cat.


Elongation: A cat can make its body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.

Embarrassment: A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to the cat's embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.

Energy Conservation--First Law: A cat knows that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will therefore use as little energy as possible.

Energy Conservation--Second Law: A cat knows that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.

Fluid Displacement: A cat immersed in milk will displace its own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.

Furniture Replacement: A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.

Gravity: The cat knows that gravity works, even when sound asleep.




Milk Consumption: A cat will drink its weight in milk, squared, just to show you that the cat can do it.


Obedience Resistance: A cat's resistance varies in direct proportion to a human's desire for the cat to do something.

Obstruction: A cat will lay on the floor in such a position as to obstruct the maximum amount of human foot traffic.


Random Comfort Seeking: A cat will always seek (and usually take over) the most comfortable spot in any given room.



Sleeping: A cat will sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as possible, while maintaining the cat's own comfort.



Total Composition: A cat is composed of "Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter!"

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