

Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D. Headshot

Why You Fear Love and Success

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In an earlier blog I quoted Rumi's Guesthouse poem in order to convey a radical approach to our difficulties in everyday life. He says:

This being human is a guest-house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

However, it's not always the difficult emotions we're trying to avoid. Sometimes there's a subtle, or not too subtle, aversion to the "positive" feelings like "love" or "joy" that come for life or success. Why might this be?

Well, one thing I've learned over time in my own life and as a psychologist is that emotions aren't so black and white. For example, anger doesn't just come with anger alone; at times it comes with sadness or other emotions. We just have these words to help us better define emotions as we do with other things.




Sometimes, in welcoming a difficult emotion as a guest in our house, we can approach and explore the feeling that's there with a kind attention. In doing this you may be amazed at what you find. It is in the act of embracing our wounds that we often find peace.

So today, as an experiment, notice your reactivity to discomfort and see if for a moment you can redefine that moment as a "choice point" where you can explore the feeling that is there. You may even choose to breathe into the physical feeling as if you were gently touching the wound as you might a wounded child or animal. Go ahead and serve it tea.

See what happens.


Originally published on Mindfulness and Psychotherapy at To read more of Elisha, visit his blog, Mindfulness and Psychotherapy at, or subscribe here. You may also find him at

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