• By
Mr. Burns from ‘The Simpsons’

Being on the receiving end of bullying behavior in a professional environment is hard to talk about. Given the emerging awareness of the danger and punitive sanctions against workplace bullying, we’d all be forgiven for being incredulous that it’s still happening.

Bullying is usually conducted by people with low self-esteem and a need to exercise power and control. We go to work expecting to communicate with other professional adults – It’s a shock. It’s easier to make excuses: it’s just a misunderstanding, a personality clash, or you must be overly sensitive. But bullying behavior at the office can be downright toxic, affecting workplace satisfaction, creativity, productivity, and the health and happiness of even the most competent and confident worker.

Despite increasing knowledge of diminished organizational effectiveness to potential life-threatening trauma from bullying, and the educational programs, work bullies continue their unacceptable behavior. Here are five ways to handle a toxic co-worker or boss.

1. Validation

Find a trustworthy co-worker, mentor or professional to use as a sounding-board. It’s important to talk it through with someone you respect; have a chance to vent; and obtain feedback from this person. They can verify when you are indeed being bullied and when, perhaps, you’re being a little oversensitive.

If it seems that you may be reading more into it, or that it could be open to misinterpretation, can humor help you to diffuse the ambiguity and regain your composure? This is a good opportunity for you to review your own behavior. Are you performing acceptably and executing your job duties appropriately? Is it possible that your boss or colleague is exasperated with your underperformance or stressed due to your work ambivalence? Are you miserable and labelling your boss a “bully”?

Or is this a clear case of bullying?

2. Verification

Document the offenses in writing for a certain period of time (e.g. a week, a month, or a quarter), then discuss the matter with your supervisor and/or your Human Resources department. Have concrete examples of the bullying.

Learn the policies and protocols of your organization. Be aware of training programs, support services, and resources to help you. The greater your emotional intelligence—self awareness, interpersonal communication skills, and understanding of personality types—the greater your range of options. Different types of bullies require different strategies. For example, different strategies may be required for bosses, co-workers, direct reports, clients, customers, and contractors.

3. Naming It

Speaking directly to the bully specifying their unacceptable behavior. Depending on the situation and the personalities involved, weigh up whether it is worth saying something directly, or whether that would be too risky and counterproductive. Unbelievable as it may sound, some bullies are not aware that they are being inappropriate (often because no one has ever told them) or how to communicate differently.

If you do decide to try to nip it in the bud, some people find it is helpful to rehearse the conversation or obtain some coaching first. Prepare your points (refer to no. 2 Verification) to discuss calmly.

Make specific statements about the behavior that you have noticed, the consequences, and what is expected in future communications. Ask, “What can we do to resolve this/improve things?”

4. The Next Level Up

If the bullying still continues, then speak to their superior. Be aware of organizational communication protocols; if the bully is your boss, before you speak to their boss you might be required to advise them of your intention.

You will need to have specific details of the incidents recorded so you are absolutely correct. Remember that this is not about personal characteristics; this is about bully behavior and the likely organizational impact.

In your discussion, keep cool, calm, and collected. You need to mention what you have tried to do to resolve it, and have concerns about the impact this has on organizational effectiveness.

5. Self Protection

You should expect to be safe from physical, emotional, and verbal abuse at work. Before, during, and after addressing the problem, ensure that you’re never alone with the bully—have colleagues around you in front of whom he or she will have to behave.

Restore and retain resilience. Humor can sometimes diffuse bullying. Does checking with that person’s colleagues add some ideas—any clues, additional support? Can you put on a “suit of mirrors” when visiting the bully? Does a song title or cartoon character come to mind?

Try to do things at work to keep things in perspective—whether it’s grabbing an afternoon coffee with a co-worker, taking a walk at lunch, or mentoring a junior colleague. Having things to look forward to will offset the drudgery of having to deal with the bully.

Should you stay or go? If your health, personal life, and capacity to perform your work is suffering, seriously consider your future. Is the bully likely to leave? Can you transfer, job exchange, or remove yourself from the bully’s trajectory?

Don’t shrug off the pain, humiliation, and loss of job satisfaction that a bully can cause. If all else fails, look for another job. Your health and happiness are more important than “sticking it out.”

Meredith Fuller is a psychologist and the author of “Working with B—-es” (Da Capo Lifelong Books, 2013).