January 10, 2013, 8:04am EST

Men vs. women: Why the work divide matters

Enlarge Image » Authors Katherine Crowley and Kathi Elster

In their new book Mean Girls at Work, authors Katherine Crowley (left) and Kathi Elster explain why the differences between the sexes really matter to businesses. Photo illustration by Sean Driscoll

Rate this story
Katherine Crowley and Kathi Elster, Special to Upstart Business Journal

Why do women care so much? What makes a sarcastic remark delivered at work more hurtful to a woman than it is to a man? The answer may lie partially in biology and partially in socialization.

In the realm of biology, women are wired differently than men. The female brain has language and emotion centers in both hemispheres of the brain, and more connective tissue between the two. These factors alone could explain why women are more sensitive to and adversely affected by harsh words. In addition, as Dr. Marianne Legato explains in Why Men Never Remember and Women Never Forget, estrogen causes women to feel and remember stressful events better (and longer) than men do. This enhanced memory skill makes it difficult for a woman to forget a cutting remark or tough feedback once she’s heard it.

Socially, men and women bond differently. Two women coming together typically connect by exchanging compliments, such as "You look wonderful," or "Love that jacket on you," or "Great haircut." These are superficial observations that convey a deeper message: "Let’s get along." Men, on the other hand, are more likely to connect by giving each other a hard time. "Look what the cat dragged in!" "Are you still here?" "Is your team ready to be demolished by my team?" These type of statements are often said in jest to establish rapport between two men.

Given these fundamental differences in connecting and communicating, what guidelines might help men deliver feedback to women more effectively? And what tips might help women take harsh or sarcastic statements uttered by their male colleagues less personally?

