Being 13: Who we are and what we think

No longer kids but not yet adults. Hyperconnected but wary of giving away too much. They want to be independent but need their parents, too. What's it like being 13 in 2013?

''Thirteen-year-olds are the most misunderstood people on earth,'' says Brianna Robards, a promising golfer and dancer from Newcastle, NSW. ''We are treated like children and expected to act like adults''.

Harry McLeod and Miani Mischon nod their agreement. The duo hosts Primary Perspectives, an award-winning community radio show in Melbourne's eastern suburbs on sustainability, sport, technology, social justice and the arts.

Harry turns 13 this week and when he is not interviewing the likes of Gotye he is playing sport, tracking the latest scores on his smartphone, doing his homework, or being ''just really, really tired''.

''If people didn't tire or need sleep I would probably try and play every sport I know of in a day,'' he says.

For Harry, from Canterbury, the most annoying thing about adults is what he regards as their hypocrisy.

''Teachers say if you interrupt them you will stay in for 10 minutes at lunchtime, but if you get interrupted by a teacher it doesn't matter,'' he says. ''If we are expected to act like adults they should give us the right to vote and drive cars.''


Fairfax Media has contacted more than 50 people who are, or will be, 13 in 2013 and asked them about their lives and how they feel about the age they are.

They say they feel ignored, typecast, or ''babied'' by the adult world. Few read newspapers, and almost all have smartphones for staying in touch with their parents, chatting with friends and playing games.

Indeed, smartphones are near ubiquitous, but often stay pocketed. Between schoolwork, housework, friends, family, and myriad sports, there might just be too much else going on.

Will Holmes a Court, from Hawthorn says he does not often use his phone, except for listening to music, ''when I'm somewhere and there are a few minutes of waiting''.

Shakespeare's Juliet may have been 13, but only three of those interviewed have been on a date.

Some monitor Facebook ''24/7'', while others are yet to open accounts or are already over it. Nathan Bof calls it ''Wastebook''. The cyclist, gymnast and soccer player from Reservoir doesn't have an account because ''I don't think the world really needs to know about you and all the little things you do''.

They say the social network is also a hotbed of bullying, typically via sardonic comments on peers' status updates. Hannah, from Mentone, uses her computer for homework. Whenever she messages friends she must do so from a public space in the house.

Dr Amanda Third from the Young and Well Co-operative Research Centre in Abbotsford says such parental rules are laudable and widespread, but require a balance to protect privacy.

''The research shows that when young people experience a sense of trust, they assume responsibility for keeping themselves safe online,'' Third says.

Ari Smith, from Upwey, says the hardest thing about being 13 is fickle emotions.

''One side of your brain is going, 'boys, boys, boys'. The other side of your brain is going 'learning! you've got to do your learning, you've got to go to school and be happy and all that'. It's just all so confusing!''

In a world where difference can seem dangerous and self-esteem often fragile, music is a common tonic. Tastes sweep from Dean Martin to Taylor Swift, Birds of Tokyo to Dire Straits. But five boys reign supreme.

One Direction is an English-Irish boy band and a global phenomenon. Jacqueline Waters, 12, from Kew complains ''it's all auto-tuned, and they don't write their own songs, and they're rubbish!''

Still, many teenage girls are big, (big) fans. They are ''beautiful'', says Casey Jasper, also 12, from Reservoir, and that's not all.

In What Makes You Beautiful, the well-coiffed quintet sing: ''You're insecure / Don't know what for / You're turning heads when you walk through the door / Don't need make-up / To cover up / Being the way that you are is enough …''

Casey and her friends say that for some girls - ''people that don't like themselves'' - One Direction's songs are a source of reassurance that a person's character counts for something.

Kevin Lee, from Lalor, thinks he might be addicted to video games. ''But being addicted isn't so bad,'' he says. ''My parents stop me from playing anyway.''

Clare Freeman, from Mill Park, says she enjoys the freedom that game characters offer to try on different lives.

''It's like you are two people,'' she says. ''You are playing as them, and then you are in your world.''

In the hit game Minecraft, players must amass and trade materials to build complex structures that provide shelter from zombies who come out at night.

Miani Mischon, from Emerald, issues a caution.

''It can be creative but the moral of the game is just 'take whatever you want, dig it up, mine it, cut down all the trees','' Miani says. ''It's unconsciously teaching kids to just take what they want from the planet, that it's not going to have any repercussions.''

Our interviewees are concerned about the environment, but also gun laws, animal cruelty and gay marriage.

''I respect it,'' says Quita Nipoe, 12, from South Morang. ''If a boy loves a boy, why can't they get married?''

Samuel Lui from Kensington, worries about overpopulation and whether one day we will decamp to another planet.

''I'll stay on earth because I have motion sickness,'' he says. ''I don't really like the idea of flying in a spaceship for five days.''

Almost everyone is reading for pleasure. Many are reading The Hunger Games, a trilogy about teenagers in a dystopian society, forced to battle to the death on reality television. ''I had taken a step back from my mother, put up a wall to protect myself from needing her,'' narrator Katniss Everdeen says, ''and nothing was ever the same between us again.''

Adolescent psychologists consider this year the twilight zone between childhood and adulthood.

''It's like a change over to another world,'' said Silviya Lal, 12, from Thomastown. ''You are not a kid any more, you are a teenager. You are more responsible.''

Hence the spike in chores; cleaning bedrooms, doing the dishes and feeding pets. Still, the one thing 13-year-olds say they could not live without is family.

''It hurts me when they hurt, and it makes me happy to see them happy,'' Ari says.

''I've always dreamed of what it's like without parents,'' Samuel says. ''I reckon it would be pretty sick for three days but after that you would just want to run home, hug your parents and tell them you love them.''

Soul de Boers, who lives in central Melbourne, says the best thing about being 13 is the fresh sense of freedom. He likes to catch the tram by himself, go to friends' houses, and wander the city.

''I don't know if I've got a photographic memory but I've never been lost in my life, because I take everything in,'' he says.

Soul, a talented artist, entreats adults to approach 13-year-olds with the goodwill with which he and his peers face the world. ''I was at Officeworks with my sister and this guy was talking behind our back saying 'those kids, always up to mischief','' Soul says.

''People always expect us to be up to something. Walking down the street people look behind their shoulder at us as they go past. We are just walking down the street.''

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