Thursday, June 23, 2011

Double Standard?

While doing research for a project on the Black family, I found a few interesting statistics: In 1960, 67 percent of Black families had a husband and wife. Between 1970 and 2001, the marriage rate decreased by 17 percent in the U.S. - 34 percent among African Americans. Today nearly half, 47 percent, of Blacks have never been married.


But here's something even more interesting — according to the latest Census data, though 45.2 percent of Black women have never married, 48.8 percent of Black men haven't either.


Nearly half of Black men over the age of 15 have never married. Yet no one talks about that. Check out the Census table here. (Table 2).

Over the past 2 or 3 years, all I've seen is article after article after article talking about how Black professional women can't get married, can't find eligible mates, yada yada yada. I've been bombarded with television shows and news specials about the sad fate of the lonely Black woman — the college-educated professional doomed to life as a spinster. And there have been a slew of reality shows too centered around a Black woman's quest to find love.

Yet, no one talks about the Single Black Man.

What gives?

I think this is a double standard. In her article, "Marriage: Black Brother's Where Art Thou?" posted on last year, my friend Tanya asked: What do black men say about why they aren't marrying black women? Check out her story here.

I second Tanya: Why doesn't anyone ask Black men why they aren't marrying? It's not like they don't have plenty of options (or maybe they have too many).

In fact, why aren't there TV specials or article after article on the single Black male? Why is our culture so fixed on the "lonely" Black woman?



Anonymous said...

My thought is that you don't hear about the high % of single Black men because most of them aren't married by choice.

Felicia Joy said...

We don't hear as much about unmarried black men (UBM) because UBM don't lament not being able to find a good woman as much as women may be perceived to be lamenting that they can't find a good man. But I think focus on the dialogue by women is way over-exaggerated and overblown; and perpetuated by the press. Plus, we don't hear as much about UBM because they don't necessarily have concerns about getting married so they can have children by an age that is healthy for their bodies and the babies. This is a concern that women who want to be mothers have to realistically contend with. However, I know lots of women (including myself) who are not married by choice as well because we are (A) focused on creating a totally stable and secure life for ourselves in this uncertain world before going down that path, which means a professional focus and (B) refusing to settle for just anyone.

Felicia said...

Hey Lottie, can you e-mail me? I am trying to reach you about an article. Thank you! Email 'info @'

Anonymous said...

Umm you have yet to talk about prison and drop out rates. We already know why black men aren't getting married. You cannot discuss eligible black men without addressing prison and education numbers.

Anonymous said...

It's wonderful with the colorful thoughts that were presented. There are many black professional guys out there who are looking for an eligible black woman. She could very much be a professional as well. The problem most women don't understand is that these men do exist and they are probably closer than what women think. And they are able but like media, men first think this woman has a defense mechanism and that she isn't able to relax. She comes in with the final idea: marriage on the mind. And if he doesn't meet that, then I cut my losses and move on. He thinks is there room to get to know you? I can remember years ago when a friendship was simple and that it could turn into a fruitful relationship with time. It wasn't complex because there wasn't too much to expect. If a woman wants to have a profound relationship with a professional man (although thinking to this constraint is still not any better), she would have to put aside her ideal relationship. Knock out all the vernacular and jargon from work (Don't talk about that a lot). Don't allow the profession to be who is is. Because it can easily turn a guy the wrong way. Men aren't intimidated by the profession; actually many men prefer it. But long as the man is able to get to know who she is. What I'm talking about is he does not need to know that she works at a legal firm or she's a doctor of philosophy, but he knows what ticks her off or getting her though something. A guy wants to know if the lady is really there not for marriage because she's there because she cares. When he locks his keys in his car, she'll come get him. If he's in the hospital, she's there beside. Sounds cliché, but it stills hold true. A guy would prefer a best friend over a woman who he just dates because he's sure of who she is and why she's there. If a woman wants a guy, she needs to take the time to be a very good genuine best friend with a man who you like and just enjoy that without expectation and see what the grows into. You'll definitely have a strong tie with him and he'll be more apt to marry than relationship after relationship. Men get tired too. But those are just my thoughts.