Newsbleep Ponders… Geography

I think we should look at renaming the globe. Most of the names we have for places are based on who showed up first (or who wrote about showing up first), or the place name is based on some old race (or racist) name that no one remembers anymore. The benefit of renaming is that we finally have a global view of things so we can name places more accurately and logically.

Since we need a starting point, let’s change “America” to “Rock Star Megacontinent”. I think the name speaks for itself. Now we can look at England and think, “England is basically a small, floaty America.” So, England’s new name is “Small Floaty Rock Star Megacontinent”. Consequently, Ireland’s basically a smaller, floatier drunk England, ergo Ireland becomes “Drunk Small Small Floaty Floaty Rock Star Megacontinent”, and so on.

Note: Because adverbs are so subjective, we shall repeat adjectives to emphasize them. Example: “The blue blue ocean” means “The mega blue ocean” or “The gnarly blue ocean”, depending on the speaker’s age.

When comparisons to other countries cannot be made, like in the case of Alaska, then entirely new names will be supplied, like “Frozen Bear Place of Whales”. The only downside is that “Drunk Small Small Floaty Floaty Rock Star Megacontinent” will never fit on a globe, which will require Ireland to invade and take over England, which will ruin the whole dang thing.