ISLA DE CEDROS, MEXICO—In what is being called one of the wettest man-made disasters of the last 50 years, Dasani came under fire Thursday following a tanker explosion that led to a massive water spill off the coast of Mexico. “As a result of Dasani’s carelessness, much of the area’s marine life has been left completely soaked,” said local conservationist Tina Devantez, explaining that, while crews were already hard at work using gentle towels to hand-clean affected wildlife, there were still large numbers of local birds and amphibians along the coast that would likely remain drenched for days. “The amount of clean-tasting, filtered water cascading into the ocean is absolutely devastating, and it’s going to affect this habitat for decades. This is the worst spill since the offshore water drilling rig rupture in 1998—shame on Dasani for such a clear disregard for this delicate ecosystem.” At press time, Devantez predicted that the water would continue washing up on shore for months to come.