Healing Your Grieving Body:
Physical Practices for Mourners

by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.

"And no one ever told me about the laziness of grief." - C.S. Lewis

This articleis in your hands because you are in mourning. You have been "torn apart" and have some very special needs right now. Among these special needs is to nurture yourself in five important ways: physically; emotionally; cognitively; socially;and spiritually. While all of these areas are vitally important, this book focuses on practical ways to nurture yourself in the physical realm.

When you are in mourning, you usually feel under-rested and overwhelmed. Your body is probably letting you know it feels distress. You may feel you have no strength left for your own basic needs, let alone the needs of others. Actually, one literal definition of the word "grievous" is "causing physical suffering." Yes, right now your body is telling you it has, just like your heart, been "torn apart" and has some special needs!






Yet, it can be difficult to slow down and care for your body when you are surrounded by common societal messages that tell us to be strong in the face of grief. Have you had anyone tell you things like, "Keep busy," "Carry on," or "You need to put the past in the past"? These and other similar messages often discourage you from practicing physical self-care, which, by contrast, is needed because it invites you to suspend. In actuality, when you are in mourning, you need to slow down, to turn inward, to embrace feelings of loss, and to seek and accept support. No, it is not always easy to care for your physical being in a mourning-avoidant culture. Without doubt, physical self-care takes time, mindfulness, and discernment.

You must realize that physical self-care is vitally important to you right now or you probably would not have picked up this book. As you know, your body is the house you live in. Just as your house requires care and maintenance to protect you from outside elements, your body requires that you honor it and be kind and gentle to it. The quality of your life ahead depends on how you care for your body today. The lethargy of grief you are probably experiencing is a natural mechanism intended to slow you down and encourage you to care for your body.

To practice physical self-care doesn't mean you are feeling sorry for yourself; rather it means you are allowing yourself to have courage to pay attention to your special needs. For it is in physically nurturing yourselfthat you can eventually allow yourself the time and loving attention you need to journey through your grief to discover a fullness of living and loving again. That is why we encourage anyone who is in the midst of grief to put "nurture my physical self" right at the top of the daily to-do list.

Taking care of your physical self during this naturally vulnerable time in your life is essentially about personal guardianship. It means accepting personal responsibility for your own special health needs as part of your need to self-nurture. We are honored to provide you some information that we believe can and will help you in this endeavor, but just as your body is yours, so is the responsibility you have to care for it.

Right now your "divine spark"-that which gives your life meaning and purpose-may feel like it has been muted or even turned completely off. In large part, our hope is that this book helps your "physical switch" stay on, even if part of you wants to keep it in the off position. You see, we believe if we can help you take care of your physical body, over time and with no rewards for speed, your spirit, your "life force" or divine spark, can be re-ignited, and you can find renewed meaning and even joy in your life.

So, self-care is about being reminded to care for your body with the right actions, right living, and right thinking. You will practice self-care when you believe that you deserve it and when you love yourself enough to carry it out. The presence of daily, thoughtful care of your grieving body is a clear reflection of your holiness, and a lack of self-care represents an internal disregard for your being. So, as difficult as it may be for you right now, caring for your body is vital to your temporary surviving and your longer-term thriving.