Monday, September 23, 2013

"Gentle" vs "Mainstream" Parenting

I hate this stuff.

But, yeah. I'm mainstream.

I don't feel any particular passion here - my kids are far past the baby and little kid stage - but to balance things a little, let me present a table biased in the other direction.

Mainstream Parenting
Gentle Parenting
Experts study infant behaviour and work out the routines for eating, playing and sleeping that promote the most happiness in babies and young children. Parents and carers are thankful for advice and use the parts of it that work on their particular child.
New parents are left to their own devices and told to follow the ‘natural rhythms’ of their child. Mothers end up feeding their cranky babies up to 20 times a day and are left feeling exhausted.
Children are raised secure in the knowledge that their parents are in control. They don’t feel the anxieties they would feel if they had to make decisions that should be left to adults.
Children are left to make their own decisions about what they will eat, what they will wear, what they will do, when they will sleep. Developmentally they are not ready for such responsibility and feel considerable anxiety.
Children are raised knowing that they have much to learn and respectfully look to their parents to teach them.
Children are raised thinking that their ill-informed ideas are correct. They show little respect for their parents.
Parents recognise that sleep is very important for both children and parents. Children are taught to ‘self-settle’ so that they get a better night’s sleep and are happier during the day.
Parents think that constant night waking is normal and so will not try to teach a child to sleep through the night. 
Parents praise and reward behaviours which they want to reinforce in their children. 
No behaviour is rewarded as parents believe that each child should work out what is right for them without external input. 
Parents believe that children have the capacity to learn right from wrong and curb their own natural impulses to selfishness. Parents see it as their responsibility to teach their children so that they will grow to be self controlled and morally upright adults.
Parents believe that right and wrong are social constructs. Children learn the importance of ‘looking out for number one’ and often seek to have their own desires filled at the expense of others.
Children are compared to averages for things like eating, speaking and walking as  developmental delays can be early indicators of problems that can be addressed through intervention programs.
Children are thought of as individuals and not expected to meet milestones at any particular point. Some early indicators or potential problems are missed or ignored.

My observation is that kids turn out okay and not okay with many kinds of early parenting. I teach lots of kids in their first year of school. Here are some things that I think they need to learn early if they are to flourish:

1. That the world is a fascinating place. Things are interesting. The more you know about things, the more interesting they are. 
2. Other people are important. We must respect other people's bodies and feelings. We don't want to hurt their bodies or hurt their feelings. They deserve as much air time in the classroom as I do. 
3. They are loved and secure and safe.
4. They don't need to worry about things that are mum and dad's responsibilities. They just need to take care of their own responsibilities. 
5. Effort brings reward. 


1 comment:

  1. Whether we're talking about parenting or any other topic, I find it so tiresome when people define their positions as new/better/more authentic/original than the 'mainstream' - whatever that is. There's a place for most things if we're motivated by reflecting God's glory. Grace, grace, grace and more grace!