“Bitter Herbivore” – Wednesday’s Wordapod


**Bitter Herbivore**

  Bitter Herbivore (n) – any living organism that has been developed and adapted to only eat horseradish, romaine lettuce and endive.


Alternate Definition:  Any herbivore that has allowed itself to become cynical, harsh and resentful.




Well, I had never heard of bitter herbivores prior to talking to Edwin Eggnut, an expert semantician (See Wordapodia, Volume One) who also has an advanced degree in biology. I’m not sure how advanced. Here is the transcript of our recent interview.


Matt:           Eddie, thanks for talking to me about bitter herbivores.


Edwin:        Please Matt, call me Edwin.


Matt:           No, I’d rather call you Eddie.


Edwin:        But I insist.


Matt:           Okay, Edwin. Are there really any living animals that only eat bitter herbs, such as horseradish?


Edwin:        Yes, that’s true.


Matt:           Care to elaborate?


Edwin:        Sure. Some of your rabbits, horses, sheep and goats are classified as bitter herbivores.


Matt:           Do they get enough to eat?


Edwin:        Biologically and physiologically, yes. But, their mothers never think they eat enough.


Matt:           So, what do they do?


Edwin:        Well, to please their moms, they usually force themselves to eat more. Some become fat and happy; others, fat, resentful and co-dependent.


Matt:           Fascinating. But are you sure that some goats are bitter herbivores? I thought they eat everything.


Edwin:        Yes, some do.


Matt:           That clears that up. How about horses? And how about that expression, “I’m so hungry I can eat like a horse?”


Edwin:        No, it’s I’m so hungry I can eat a horse. Not like a horse. If you’re a carnivore or an omnivore, you wouldn’t be satisfied to eat like a horse.


Matt:           I see. But I thought that horses have huge appetites. Are they cool with just eating maror—you know, bitter herbs?


Edwin:        I know what maror is. And to answer your question, not all horses are bitter herbivores. Most are just pasture-variety horses, and they can eat apples and the like. Enormous, gigantic bags of apples for that matter. But, yes, there are certain horses who have been bred to only eat romaine, horseradish and endive. Some biologists call these horses…are you ready…radish horses.


Matt:           Dude, come on.


Edwin:        I never kid about such things.


Matt:           So, a radish horse must have a good time during Passover.  But how about the rest of the year?


Edwin:        The other 357 days of the year can be a little rough. Some vegetate; others hibernate. Still others cogitate. And…


Matt:           But, they are happy during Passover?


Edwin:        No, most complain about the length of the seders.


Matt:           Do they complain audibly?


Edwin:        No, they’re just rather bitter about it.


Matt:           And, how do we know this?


Edwin:        Scientists have observed their rather long faces.


Matt:           You’re on a roll, Edwin, and I hate to rein you in. Just tell me this: Have you been at the Manischewitz already this morning?


Edwin:        Just a little. And please, call me Eddie.






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Filed Under: HumorWednesday Wordapod




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