Fly agaric

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Revision as of 14:10, January 2, 2012 by (talk)

Jump to: navigation, search

Amanita cafeteria, commonly called fly agaric or less often smurf's mushroom, is a fungus that sprouts from the forest floor. The nickname Smurf's mushroom comes from the little blue creatures that carve out homes in the bulbous base of Fly Agaric mushrooms. These charming but foul-tempered little creatures are just one of the many organisms who benefit from this fungus.

Fly Agaric cookies

A river person enjoying Fly Agaric cookies.

The Fly Agaric is the original white-spotted red toadstool, and it is one of the most aromatic sweet and delicious mushrooms available on the world market. The culinary trade treasures this fungus because it is so easy to cook with, and it makes meat that is about to turn rotten taste great again. As Betty Crocker says, "Now that's a money-saver!". Amalita cafeteria is also famed for its flour-like properties: after it has been dried and powdered it forms a fine white starchy flour which can be used in baking or in cosmetics. This flour had a religious significance in Eskimo culture and possibly ancient Indiana and Scandinavia. Since medieval times it has been used in cookies or as for making gravy for hungry soldiers whose turkey was too dry...and therefore needed a little gravy. It is said by Scandinavians to be so good it's addictive, whether served in food or drink. But there is also mystery to this fungi. Nobody remembers what it tastes like.


Due to the size, odor and color of Fly Agarics** they are easy to spot. They have a fat stem, about 5cm-12cm(2"-6")) tall,the cap is bigger around than the stem and it usually measures from 5cm-20cm (2"-8") occasionally people report mushrooms of even greater size. Even though there are dozens of differently colored Fly Agarics, ranging across the spectrum in color from deep red, (pictured below) to orange & pale yellow with age, Though some closely related mushrooms which look very similar to the Fly Agaric are actually heavily poisonous and is the most common reason for death due to fungi consumption.Most people think of Fly Agarics as a powerful psychotropic entheogen*.

  • ENTHEOGEN "God Inside Us"- substance containing potential or ability for spiritual or shamanic purposes.
    • Fly Agaric is also known as Amanita Muscaria, Fly Amanita, and is suspected to be the ancient ritual drug Soma(unproven).

Fly Agaric mushrooms (Aminita cafteria.)grow in the grass near an Alaskan power plant.

Common Recipes

Fly Agaric Cookies

Dessert recipe

  • Fresh Fly Agaric mushrooms
  • Confection sugar
  • Sugar- You can't go wrong with the amount it's personal preference.
  • 12 oz. jar maple syrup

Chop the mushrooms into little pieces after removing all dirt by washing with cold water for as short of an amount of time as possible. Toss them into the oven at low temp till chrispy and completely dried (not blackened if you can help it[taste issue]) while those are toasting mix the sugar and syrup into a bowl and stir, take the scorched mushrooms and mix those into the bowl, stirring until cooled to room temperature, form into cookie shapes and dust top with powdered sugar

Urine Sample

mixed drink

  • 1 can of Red Bull (or Redrum)
  • 4 oz. of tequila
  • Urine of a recent agaric user. (the ibotenic acid [after making you nauseous]that doesn't metabolize into muscimol** passes straight through you and is found unchanged in the urine of a recent user).
    • Muscimol is the psychotropic substance obtained from heated, dried, or metabolized Ibotenic Acid.

Easy. Mix together and chug.

Other Uses for Fly Agaric

Riverfolk of the Cincinnati area feed the mushrooms to their pet dogs; when the dogs urinate the river folk collect the urine and drink it. They claim it gives them wings. Using this idea an Austrian beverage company has made a popular energy drink "Red Bull". Part of the drink's success may be due to the chemical nitrous oxide or Nos, which is found in dog urine after ingesting the mushrooms.Some cultures have even fermented the urine, making a type of brew called green tea also there is evidence that Adolph Hitler drank a substance called vitamultin, which is similar to Red Bull. For the last few thousand years people have claimed it helps them get in touch with the Holy Spirit.

The Lappish people of northern Finnmark and Lappland traditionally used Fly Agaric mushroom as a hallucinigenic, often shamans using it to enter the 'spirit world'. However it was also used by others in times of celebration. Most people, however could not afford to get the mushrooms as they were too busy working, only the rich. After the rich would eat these mushrooms, they would walk outside and pee into buckets and the less well off would drink their pee, which contained the active content of those mushrooms.

Getting high on the pee was actually more pleasant than eating the mushrooms because the liquid state is easier for the body to metabolize than solid mushroom flesh.

Active Chemical

The active chemical in Fly Agaric is Ibotenic Acid a substance that is slightly poisonous, causing nausea and headaches, if prepared correctly this chemical can be changed into Muscimol the desired chemical for a perfect trip. Your body also naturally changes some of the Ibotenic Acid into Muscimol but you should always try to change as much Ibotenic into Muscimol as you can before eating them.

“Just like the tilt-a-whirl at my county fair!”
~ Famous Civil War General, 1863
Personal tools