Many Dads Feel Inadequate When Moms Breastfeed

by Nicole Stevens on September 04, 2013
author Nicole  Stevens

Nicole Stevens

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Fathers can be involved with babies in many ways

When moms breastfeed, it's easy to imagine why some dads feel inadequate. After all, a dad can't give the baby actual sustenance the same way a woman's breasts can. However, a new study finds that daddy's involvement with newborn care is just as critical for an infant's development. And our society needs to do a better job of helping disappointed dads realize that.

An article on talks about the daddy dichotomy. On the one hand, many fathers are supportive of their nursing partner and feel like the breastfeeding brings closeness to the family; on the other hand, some dads admit to feeling deficient because they can't provide their baby with crucially important food.

But interestingly, Canadian researchers show that it's not uncommon for fathers of breastfed children to actually bond MORE with their kids. Perhaps, many fathers recognize that they can't bond with their baby at each mealtime in the same way as a breastfeeding mother, so they look for other ways to achieve closeness. Dads of bottle-fed babies tend to center their involvement around baby's mealtime, while fathers of breastfed infants find a variety of ways to interact with their newborns.

It's that cumulative effect of daddy's involvement that makes a huge difference in baby's development, researchers found. Fathers who regularly practice skin-to-skin contact, bedtime routines, cuddling, infant massage, and playing with their babies are helping improve their infant's brain development and overall well being.

Regardless of how an infant is fed, whether breast or bottle, fathers play a big part in a baby's neurological, social, and emotional growth. That message is lost in the current rhetoric about breastfeeding. Most of the support systems in place today focus on helping mom and baby, while dad is left to determine his own role in the new family dynamic.

If dads feel inadequate when it comes to baby care simply because they can't be involved with breastfeeding (even if he's involved with his newborn in many other ways), it can lead to stress. That perceived inadequacy, while untrue, can ultimately cause dads to feel withdrawn and distant from their children, which may stifle future quality time. It's a downward cycle that unnecessarily short-changes family bonding and child development.

Time to change that. Fathers need support, information, and a clearer picture of their place in newborn interaction. "We're seriously failing when it comes to helping dads understand just how important their role is," researchers conclude.

So, how do caring dads get involved in their babies' lives? Certainly by helping feed the baby if bottles are used, but also by seeking out as much interaction as possible. Gentle touching and cuddling can be very soothing for babies, and skin contact is both physically and psychologically comforting. Going for a walk, especially if baby is in a sling wrap or other baby carrier, provides great sensory stimulation and closeness. Bedtime and bath time routines are a great way for daddies to spend quality time with kids. And, of course, lots of hugs and kisses and silly cooing and corny facial expressions. I've never met a baby who doesn't love watching dad clown around.

How does your hubby get involved with baby care? Did he feel left out if you were breastfeeding? We'd love to hear your experiences below.

Photo credit: Wikimedia Commons

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