From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Jump to: navigation, search
"Flirt" redirects here. For other uses, see Flirt (disambiguation).
"Would you take offense if I had the gall to plant a kiss on this beautiful shoulder?"
"You'll figure that out soon enough after the deed." (poster by Henri Gerbault)

Flirting or coquetry is a social and sometimes sexual activity involving verbal or written communication as well as body language by one person to another, suggesting an interest in a deeper relationship with the other person. In most cultures, it is socially disapproved for a person to make explicitly sexual advances, but indirect or suggestive advances (i.e., flirting) may at times be considered acceptable. On the other hand, some people flirt playfully, for amusement.


Flirting behavior varies across cultures due to different modes of social etiquette such as how closely people should stand (proxemics), how long to hold eye contact, how much touching is appropriate and so forth.[1] However, ethologist Irenäus Eibl-Eibesfeldt found that in places as different as Africa and North America, women exhibit similar flirting behavior: prolonged stare followed by a head tilt away with a little smile.

Human mating[edit]

Main article: Mating (human)

In order to bond or to express sexual interest, people flirt. According to social anthropologist Kate Fox, there are two main types of flirting: flirting for fun and flirting with intent.[2] Flirting for fun can take place between friends, co-workers, or total strangers that wish to get to know each other. This type of flirting does not intend to lead to sexual intercourse or romantic relationship, but increases the bonds between two people.

Flirting with intent plays a role in the mate-selection process. The person flirting will send out signals of sexual availability to another, and expects to see the interest returned in order to continue flirting. Flirting can involve non-verbal signs, such as an exchange of glances, hand-touching, hair-touching, or verbal signs, such as chatting up, flattering comments, and exchange of telephone numbers in order to initiate further contact.

Increasingly in the 21st century flirting is taking forms in instant messaging, and other social media. In 2011 Tagged conducted a summer-long survey based on "winks" by metro area, with the surprise leader being Pittsburgh.[3]

Marilyn Monroe flirting with Cary Grant in the film Monkey Business


People flirt for a variety of reasons. Flirting can indicate an interest in a deeper personal relationship with another person. Some people flirt simply for amusement, with no intention of developing any further relationship. This type of flirting sometimes faces disapproval from others, either because it can be misinterpreted as more serious, or it may be viewed as cheating if either person is in a monogamous relationship with someone else. Some couples set up rules and boundaries for their partner so one will know what's accepted and what's not.



Cultural aspects[edit]

Flirting varies a great deal from culture to culture. For example, for many western cultures one very common flirting strategy includes eye contact. However, eye contact can have a very different meaning in some Asian countries. In such countries, men may stare at women who might get in trouble if they return the glance. Furthermore, Chinese and Japanese women are not expected to initiate eye contact which would be considered rude and disrespectful.[4]


The distance between two people is also important when flirting. People from the "contact cultures", such as the Mediterranean or Latin America, may feel comfortable with closer distances whereas a British or Northern European person will need more space. Touching, especially of the hand or arm, is also part of flirting.[5]

During World War II, anthropologist Margaret Mead was working in Britain for the British Ministry of Information and later for the U.S. Office of War Information,[6][7] delivering speeches and writing articles to help the American soldiers better understand the British civilians,[8] and vice versa.[9] She observed in the flirtations between the American soldiers and British women a pattern of misunderstandings regarding who is supposed to take which initiative. She wrote of the Americans, "The boy learns to make advances and rely upon the girl to repulse them whenever they are inappropriate to the state of feeling between the pair", as contrasted to the British, where "the girl is reared to depend upon a slight barrier of chilliness... which the boys learn to respect, and for the rest to rely upon the men to approach or advance, as warranted by the situation." This resulted, for example, in British women interpreting an American soldier's gregariousness as something more intimate or serious than he had intended.[6]



European hand fans[edit]


In Spain, where the use of fans (called "abanicos") is still very popular today, ladies used them to communicate with suitors or prospective suitors without their family or chaperon finding out. This use was highly popular during the 19th and early 20th centuries.[12]


A study in body language: Haynes King's Jealousy and Flirtation


  • Banter (conversation)[13]
  • Blowing a kiss
  • Casual touches; such as a woman gently touching a man's arm during conversation[13]
  • Coyness, affectedly shy or modest, marked by cute, coquettish, or artful playfulness (e.g. pickup lines).
  • Eye contact,[13][14] batting eyelashes, staring, etc.
  • Flattery (regarding beauty, sexual attractiveness)
  • Footsie,[13] a form of flirtation in which people use their feet to play with each other's feet.
  • Imitating of behaviors (e.g. taking a drink when the other person takes a drink, changing posture as the other does, etc.)
  • Maintaining very short distance during casual talking.
  • Online chat, texting, and other one-on-one and direct messaging services while hinting affection
  • Protean signals, such as touching one's hair
  • Sending notes, poems, or small gifts
  • Singing specially selected love songs in presence of the person.
  • Smiling[14]
  • Staging of "chance" encounters
  • Teasing
  • Tickling
  • Winking
  • Eyebrow raising[14]

The effectiveness of these several interactions has been subjected to detailed analysis by behavioral psychologists, and advice on their use is available from dating coaches.

See also[edit]


  1. ^ "Scoring a German: Flirting with Fräuleins, Hunting for Herren - SPIEGEL ONLINE". Retrieved 2012-10-03. 
  2. ^ "SIRC Guide to flirting". Retrieved 2011-08-14. 
  3. ^ "Pittsburgh is the 'flirtiest' city in the country - Local News". 2011-09-15. Retrieved 2012-10-03. 
  5. ^ "SIRC Guide to Flirting". Retrieved 2010-06-23. 
  6. ^ a b Mead, Margaret (2004). William O. Beeman, ed. Studying Contemporary Western Society: Method and Theory. New York: Berghahn Books. pp. 145, 149. ISBN 1-57181-816-2. 
  9. ^ e.g. Mead, Margaret. "What Is a Date?". Transatlantic 10 (June 1944). OCLC 9091671. 
  10. ^ Watzlawick, Paul (1983). How Real Is Real?. London: Souvenir Press. pp. 63–64. ISBN 0-285-62573-X. 
  11. ^ "Ladies and their Fans". Retrieved 2010-06-23. 
  13. ^ a b c d Flirting. Sexplanations. 2014-03-25. 
  14. ^ a b c White, Diana (11 February 2014). "10 Obvious Signs a Guy Is Flirting with You". Retrieved 25 April 2015. 

Further reading[edit]

  • Rich Ferguson (2010). Tricks to Pick Up Chicks: Magic Tricks, Lines, Bets, Scams & Psychology. Ingram. ISBN 1-4505-6018-0. 

External links[edit]