Show Vs. Tell, by Maria V. Snyder

Back to Advice.


For example:

Valek was angry. (Telling)



  1. Using Point of View (POV)
  2. Using dialogue
  3. Using all the senses
  4. Using picture nouns and action verbs
  5. Writing in scenes



There are many different POVs:

POISON STUDY, Maria V. Snyder








The French Lieutenant's Woman, by John Fowles




Valek poisoned Yelena's drink with Butterfly's Dust. (Telling)


My goblet stopped short of my lips.



"What does it taste like?" Valek asked.

"Peaches sweetened with honey."



"That's right. Now gargle it."



POISON STUDY, Maria V. Snyder




POISON STUDY, Maria V. Snyder



There was a robot working behind the counter. (Telling)



Passive Voice: The car was speeding down the road.
Active Voice: The car raced down the road.

Passive: The report was read by Karen.
Active: Karen read the report.

Passive: The crash was witnessed by a pedestrian.
Active: A pedestrian witnessed the crash.


Here are some reasons to use the scene:
- to give information to further the plot of story
- to show conflict between characters by using dialogue and action
- to show a particular character by focusing on how he/she deals with a situation
- to create suspense.


Example of narrative:
Yelena was distracted and couldn't focus on her lessons. Maren and Janco are engaged in a rowdy duel, but her friend, Ari knew something wasn't right, so he asked her what was going on. She asked him if he thought the training was a waste of her time, and he gave her a pep talk. Yelena worked through some doubts that training was her way of avoiding the real problem. She has a small epiphany about her situation, and began to form a plan in her mind. Yelena asked Ari if he knew how to pick locks. He suggested she talk to Janco. They resume their lesson.

Example of Scene:
"Pay attention," Ari said. He jabbed me in the stomach with a wooden knife. "You're dead. That's the fourth time today. What's the matter?"

"Lack of sleep," I said. "Sorry."

Ari gestured me to the bench along the wall. We sat down and silently watched Maren and Janco, engaged in a friendly bow match on the far side of the storeroom. Janco's speed had overpowered Maren's skill, and she was on the retreat, backing into a corner.

"She's tall and thin, but she's not going to win," Janco sang. His words aimed to infuriate her -- a tactic that had worked before. Too often, Maren's anger caused her to make critical mistakes. But this time, she remained calm. She planted the end of her bow between his feet, which trapped his weapon close to his body. Then she flipped over his head, landed behind him, and grabbed him around the neck until he conceded.

My bleak mood improved a notch watching Maren use something I had taught her. The indignant expression on Janco's face was priceless. He insisted on a rematch. They launched into another rowdy duel. Ari and I remained on the bench. I think Ari sensed that I had no energy to continue our lesson.

"Something's wrong," he said quietly. "What is it?"

"I..." I stopped, unsure of my answer. Should I tell him about Valek's cold shoulder and change of heart? Or about my nightlong conversation with the ghost of the man I'd murdered? No. Instead I asked him, "Do you think this is a waste of time?" Reyad's words about procrastination had held a ring of truth. Perhaps the time I spent training was a merely a subconscious ploy to avoid solving my real problems.

"If I thought this was a waste of time, I wouldn't be here." A trace of anger colored Ari's voice. "You need this, Yelena."

"Why? I might die before I even have a chance to use it."

"As I see it, you're already good at running and hiding. It took you a week to get up the nerve to talk to Maren. And if it was up to you, she'd still be calling you Puker. You need to learn to stand and fight for what you want." Ari fidgeted with the wooden knife, spinning it around his hand.

"You hover on the edges, ready to take off if something goes wrong. But when you can knock the bow from Janco's hands, and sweep my feet out from under me, you'll be empowered." He paused briefly, and then said. "If you feel you need to spend your time on something else, then do addition to your training. Then the next time someone calls you Puker, you'll have the confidence to tell her to go to hell."

I was amazed at Ari's assessment of me. I couldn't even say if I agreed or disagreed with him, but I did know he was right about my compulsion to do something else. He didn't know what it was, but I did: find the antidote to Butterfly's Dust.

"Is that your idea of a pep talk?" I asked in a shaky voice.

"Yes. Now quit looking for an excuse to stop training, and trust me. What else do you need?"

The quiet intensity of Ari's voice caused a chill to ripple up my spine. Did he know what I was planning, or was he guessing? My intentions had always been to get the antidote and run south. Run away, run away, run away. Ari had been right about that. But running south would require me to be in top physical condition, and to have the ability to defend myself from guards. However, I had been evading one important detail: Valek.

He would follow me south, and crossing the border wouldn't make me safe from him. Even Irys's magic couldn't protect me. He would consider my recapture or my death a personal responsibility. And that was what I'd been so afraid to face. What I'd been dancing around. I'd been concentrating on training so I wouldn't have to deal with the dilemma I feared I wasn't smart enough to solve. I had to enhance my strategy, to include not only obtaining the antidote, but dealing with Valek without killing him. I doubted Ari had the solution.

"You might beat Valek with these blows." Janco puffed while blocking Maren's bow. "He'll laugh himself silly at how pathetically weak they are, giving you the perfect opening."

Maren remained silent, but increased the pace of her attack. Janco backed off.

Janco's words stirred in my mind. An odd little, long-shot plan began to take shape. "Ari, can you teach me how to pick locks?"

He considered my words in silence. Finally, he said, "Janco could."


Ari smiled. "He seems harmless and happy-go-lucky, but as a boy he got into all kinds of mischief until he was trapped in a tight spot. Then he was given the choice of either joining the military or going to jail. Now he's a Captain. His biggest advantage is that no one takes him seriously, and that's exactly what he wants you to think."

"I'll try and remember that the next time he's cracking jokes and my ribs." I watched Maren beat Janco a second time.

"Best three out of five, my lady can not deny," Janco called tirelessly.

Maren shrugged. "If your ego can handle it," she replied, swiping at his feet with her bow. He jumped, athletically avoiding her attack, and lunged. The rhythmic crack of wood striking wood filled our practice room.

Ari stood, assumed a defensive stance, and somehow I found the energy to face him.
--POISON STUDY, Maria V. Snyder

FAQs |  Short Stories |  Links |  News |  Home
All contents copyright © 2004-, Maria V. Snyder
Contact Maria at
Designed and Created By Depixelate Web Design