A Concise Guide to Pakistan

Discussion in 'Pakistan' started by BangersAndMash, Oct 24, 2013.

  1. BangersAndMash

    BangersAndMash Regular Member

    Apr 24, 2011
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    The country

    Officially called the Islamic Republic of Pakistan, it is a country in South Asia bordering the Islamic Republic of Afghanistan, the Islamic Republic of Iran, the Peopleâ€™s Republic of China and the Bollywood Republic of Hindustan. In the north, it also shares a dubious border with the mountainous and scenic United Extreme Emirates of Waziristan â€“ a favourite tourist resort.


    The climate


    The people and faith


    The Pakistani society is generally conservative, but tiny pockets of liberalism can be found in posh, urban drawing-room theme parks. The themes of these parks can range from â€œLittle Milan,â€ â€œSmall Beverly Hills,â€ â€œTiny Londonâ€ and â€œCleaner Bombay.â€ Non-English-speaking Pakistanis may struggle in these theme parks. Only English is spoken here, preferably in an odd American accent. However, one can visit a vet and get his or her jaw readjusted to be able to speak accented English in these theme parks.

    Pakistan is composed of four to five to six to four ethnic groups. The largest group resides in central Pakistan and are called Maula Jats. The second largest resides in the south and is called the Bhuttos. The third largest resides in the north and is called Inteha Pasand. The smallest ethnic group can be found in the West and are called Sui Gas.

    The main ethnic groups of Pakistan:

    [pics in link]

    There are two more ethnic groups. The first one mostly resides in Karachi and is called the Martians. The other one resides in South Punjab and is called Nothing. Both are not officially recognised because people who divided Pakistan into four provinces couldnâ€™t count beyond the number 4.


    The culture

    The main plank of culture in Pakistan is asking, â€œwhat is the culture of Pakistan?â€ But if you believe in the official history text books taught at local schools, the culture of Pakistan is very Islamic, very pro-army, very anti-India, and had it not been for some malicious Hindu historians distorting history, Pakistanis would have been known for their true cultural and genetic origins: i.e. Arabic!

    Thatâ€™s why most Pakistanis behave as if they all arrived from ancient Arabic kingdoms and had nothing to do with South Asia. They were the true Aryans until the British came and started to build railroads. Of course, this doesnâ€™t make much sense, but who cares; as long as one is an Aryan and is genetically connected to the Arab conqueror Bin Qasim and his favourite cook.

    An 8th Century photo of Bin Qasim dreaming about a future country called Pakistan.

    The politics

    Pakistan is a feudal fiefdom, jokingly called a republic. The most democratic sections of the country are the army and the fat feudal lords. Also very democratic are members of the clergy and the bureaucracy. The most undemocratic and tyrannical are the countryâ€™s common people who do not appreciate the feudalsâ€™, the armyâ€™s and the clergyâ€™s vision, passion and efforts for a progressive, democratic and rich Pakistan.

    This is because the common people choose to remain illiterate and prefer to watch a Sharhrukh Khan flick instead of reading their official history books that clearly state that had Mughal Emperor Aurangzeb created Pakistan in 1747 AD, the people of Pakistan would have gladly watched reruns of Ziaul Haq speeches instead of Shahrukh Khan films and there would have been much joy and happiness and love and understanding, and no India and no America; just Pakistan and Saudi Arabia and Yemen and Imran Khan and McDonalds. Of course, this doesnâ€™t make much sense, but who cares when you have Oreo Maqbool Biscuit to keep you entertained.

    How to get to Pakistan


    How to get out

    You donâ€™t!


    A concise guide to Pakistan - DAWN.COM
    drkrn and Neil like this.

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