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Siblings shape each other's character

Young sibling group in an embrace

Researchers say age and gender, which might normally preclude friendships, don't hold as much sway in forming sibling relationships (Source: iStockphoto)


Until recently, the impact of sibling socialisation has remained largely ignored compared to parent-child relationships.

"Parents are very, very important, but [focusing solely on parents] overlooks the fact that 70% to 80% of kids in the US are growing up with other children in the family," says Professor Laurie Kramer of the University of Illinois and co-editor of a volume on siblings in the journal New Directions for Child and Adolescent Development. "Those opportunities for interaction or experiencing the same life events are very powerful."

'Agents of socialisation'

According to the researchers, older siblings serve as "agents of socialisation" who teach younger siblings by example about informal social behaviours, such as how to act around friends. Younger siblings are also highly susceptible to acquiring older siblings' negative habits, including underage drinking and smoking.

But, younger siblings with diverse interests or more dominant personalities can affect older siblings similarly.

Age difference and gender, which might normally preclude friendships, don't hold as much sway in forming sibling relationships.

"I tell parents to not worry so much about whether you have two girls, or two boys and a girl and what the age differences are," says Kramer. "Don't worry so much about what you're working with."

Playing favourite

Parents certainly aren't absent from sibling dynamics, either, and children are acutely aware of preferential treatment.

"Siblings report that what bothers them is when parents play favourites, especially in an ongoing fashion," says Dr Katherine J Conger, an associate professor of family research at the University of California, Davis, who co-edited and published research in the recent journal volume on siblings.

"Social comparison can also be hurtful if parents are always holding up Suzy as the smart one, and why can't you be more like your sister?" says Conger.

But teaching parents and children how to foster positive social interactions at home can promote healthy sibling relationships for life.

Working with children as young as four years old on conflict management, emotionality and perspective, Kramer has witnessed promising changes in sibling relationships.

Conger agrees with Kramer's findings.

"Siblings can learn to play cooperatively and even unlearn conflicting patterns of behaviour from a very young age," says Conger. "But part of it is re-training parents so that they also promote positive social interactions and don't just respond to squabbles with the age-old 'just leave your sister alone!'"

Kramer points out that children without siblings appear to go through a different process of socialisation.

"I can't say only children won't develop these competencies, but they're going to learn them through different relationships."
