Susan Parker: Honesty really is the better path

6:02 PM, Sep. 27, 2012  |  Comments
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You've heard the sayings, axioms and adages: Honesty is the best policy. Practice makes perfect. And now, there's scientific evidence that it's true. Last month I read about a small study that looked at 110 people covering the range of adulthood - 18-71 - who were studied for a 10-week period. Half the participants were told not to tell any falsehoods. They could lie by omission, refuse to respond or keep secrets, but they were not to tell any outright lies. The control group was given no instructions. All participants completed weekly health and relationship assessments and took polygraph tests to determine the number of major and white lies they had told that week.

The results? The fewer lies told, the fewer physical and mental health complaints experienced. It was more than that, though: Those in the group who had been instructed not to tell lies eventually began to see themselves as more honest individuals. And they reported improvements in their close personal relationships - think friendships, marriages and family connections. Social interactions were smoother.

All this led to some epiphanies. Those asked not to lie discovered that they could simply tell the truth instead of exaggerating, quit making excuses for being late or failing to meet expectations, answer a difficult question with another question, change the topic, be vague or simply laugh it off.

It's just one study, and it hasn't been peer-reviewed by members of the American Psychological Association yet, but it sure does make sense. And some white lies almost seem justified. For example, telling your significant other that she or he looks wonderful when that may not be strictly true could be considered a white lie; on the other hand, maybe in your eyes, your wife is honestly a beautiful sight, if not in the universally accepted sense.

Instead of exaggerating how much traffic you encountered on the way to work or how many red lights you sat through, you can simply admit you overslept, lost track of time or miscalculated how long it would take to make the trip.

As for bigger, potentially more harmful lies, well, it's not for nothing that another old saying is "Confession is good for the soul." As painful as it can be to admit you've deliberately lied about something important, getting it off your chest is like lifting the weight of the world off your shoulders.

Isn't life stressful enough? Being honest is not only the right thing to do, it could bring you mental and physical health benefits as well as lowering your stress and altering your self-image. And best of all, you don't have to remember what you said or who you said it to. You simply have to remember what actually happened.

OK, maybe that's not always so simple. But that's a topic for another day.

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