Day 11: Tools&Knowledge&Information as memories

2012- 05-03

As i came back from work i realized myself within and as looking back my 9 hours of it that how i existed as the physical movements.

i found - and did it by the accidental way meaning i cut myself a bit - that when i use a tool for a particular job or problem or task i actually fire up my mind and get all the memories together involving the tool and the task and try to do the same thing over like how i did "the best" of those memories.
and this is actually astounding how much information i "fire up" when just getting a simple task as cuttin something in half with a knife. so my attention and awareness is "reduced" and i also compare what i do continuosly with what i experience i do at the time. and so after partially or completely doing the task i judge also...too many constructs fire up = red flag. so went on and on the train when discovering this started my self-forgiveness at hand opening up the points and so i found that i fear doing something "on the go" within and as the moment, based on my wanting to be perfect...and i think i can only be perfect if i can choose how to do it from a wide range of samples. yet this is actually self-dishonesty and not considering what is here.
usage of a tool or item is exist within and as the item/tool itself. we can use tools very differently based on what we are to do with them...yet we can do this without prior knowladge about it when actually being one and equal within and as the item/tool. so the WTF do i do to need a database of how-to's to use an item/tool?
and this goes way back to the education system where i grew up, in schools kids are taught a certain way of how to use something like tools or items or how to handle it but this is not just true for physical items it is also for the brain/mind, i remember being told and explained by my teacher to "remember" "imagine a..." "count this and that..." "visualize this..." "think M! use your useless mind!" "i know it's there somewhere in your head...get it out" "think about what you have done" and these leads to separation, and dependance...we are taught to use our minds, to depend on memories and knowledge and information...all of us. because this makes a human into a "good lil' robot".
no blame here on anything: without me allowing this shit to control me and without my acceptance and allowance i would not be the same. it would not have effected me, but i did accept and allow it to effect me and to do what i'm being told based on fear of survival. we use the term "break in something" to describe how we take away the courage and self-discipline and self-direction of animals yet we miss the point that we are actually break-in our very children from the youngest of age to become an organice robot because we fear, we fear our survival and theirs. and without considering the kids or anything else we just handle them to the system which abuses the children in every way possible.

time to stop and stand up.