Monday, February 2, 2009

Festering Emotional Wounds: How Disturbing Memories Can Remain Bothersome For Years

Imagine being about 6 years-old, when you ask a friend to play with his or her toy. He or she says, "No." As an adult, you know that if this scenario had happened in your life, it happened because 6 year-olds are basically selfish and do not know how to share. As a 6 year-old, however, you would not have known that that was the real reason. As a way of making sense of the senseless, you might have adopted a negative belief about yourself, as it related to the situation. In other words, you may have suggested to yourself that "I am not good enough." Or, "I am not likeable."

This interpretation may have meant little, except when later, a parent says, "No" and a teacher says, "No." Now, one may begin to use this random life experience, in order to support this erroneous set of beliefs that "I am not good enough" or "I am not likeable."

Within adolescence, a teacher may say, "No" or a date may say, "No." Now, as one enters early adulthood, one may not simply think these things to be true, but one may begin to feel them to be true. The beliefs that we feel to be true tend to guide our actions. If we feel it to be true that "I am not worthy" and "I am not likeable," we are probably not heading in a direction that is consistent with our desires.

The things that we feel to be true tend to guide our actions, as we allow things to happen and do things, consistent with the beliefs. Although these beliefs seem to offer an explanation, however, their assertions are not true. Yet, it may be initially difficult to believe otherwise, since these initial beliefs seem to offer a plausible explanation.

The truth, based upon the wealth of one's other life experiences, however, insists that despite what happened, "I am worthy" and "I am likeable." In great part, therapy is a way to resolve disturbing memories, in order to release the erroneous beliefs. As a result, one is finally able to begin to embrace the truth that "I am worthy" and "I am likeable." These new, healthier perspectives begin to guide one into the more positive direction of one's intentions.

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