We classify people into types.  The basic typeis gender:  boy, girl; girl, boy.

A classification is both a description and a proscription.  Then it morphs into a value judgment.   Girl-boy captures many things physical and psychological or ethereal:   chromosomes and hormones give us height, strength, brain capacities, tendencies, e.g., he, the hunter with his eye on the prize and she the gatherer, taking it all in and picking up the good stuff.  A mother nurtures baby from Moment One.  A father provides for baby by getting what he can from the grasp of someone else.  Rianne Eisler in “The Chalice and the Blade”  says there are two ways to be:  1.) complementary partners–together and equal, allowing the power of each type and 2.) boss and subject, equal by force, allowing the power of one and subjecting the power of the other.  Power vs. Force:  See the book.  Discuss those terms.  FEEL those terms.

In politics we are making strides to equalize and neutralize the classification of girl-boy: hiring, wages, combat, the draft. Politicians obfuscate.  Beyonce’s ne “Formation”  expresses that women can be tough.  When men express the softness of femininity, we tend to code him “gay” or “femme” or “fussy.”  Drawing the underclass (women) into the over class (men) is more common than the opposite direction.  Women want to be doctors, but not so many men want to be Kindergarten teachers.

Imagine yourself as the other gender.  I am strong, shoulders up, biceps bulging, shoulders swaying as I walk but butt constant. I scan the horizon for danger and opportunity.  I am focused.  How “me” is this?  Not.  See these former sex captive Yazidi women fighting ISIS    Typically the first thing we “type” people as is boy or girl.

Categorizing can be dangerous and prejudicial. Prejudice=pre-judging.  It makes errors, often tragic.  On the other hand, we are biological creatures and we do have differences and we calculate our responses based on a history of self-preservation and breeding.   For centuries, women needed men to take care of them while they had babies for 10-20 years.  Nowadays, not so much.  Yet the stereotypes and the cultural norms live on.  Women can clearly open their own doors, yet cultural images depicting gentlemanly behavior proliferate. Thus we are to be careful about categorizing and yet smart enough to observe for the “typical.”Quads - CHART

As Deborah Tannen puts it, the Golden Rule of “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” does not always hold.  Women do not always want men to treat them the way men treat men.   Men do not want to be judged by women if they do not behave the way women behave with women.  Watchword is:  we are different and we each have the potential to be opposite our type.  Be open, situationally, in the moment, to behavior that breaks apart stereotypes and categories – and at the same time recognize your own and others’ tendencies.

Ensemble is the key to getting along:  cooperation without domination.


  1. TRY to exercise at the diametrically opposite type.  A character “arc” is often a diagonal move, due to challenges.
  2. EXAMINE who your significant others are, by type.  Partners are often different types.
  3. LEARN how others wish to be approached:  do you or your characters recognize the distinctions.
  4. RECOGNIZE what irritates you and adjust; do you know your stregths and weaknesses?  Does your crew, your actors?
  5. LEARN your learning style

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