Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Addressing few facts ShareTheLoad

As we spoke about how laundry is considered as a women's job despite of noting the fact that men also do the laundry work as a part of their job and we have seen Dhobi ghaats where mainly men are seeing washing the clothes, this thinking process needs to be changed.

I have made a list of things that need to be addressed in order to change the identities of women being responsible of the laundry work.

1. Why does a woman need to promote a detergent brand?

For years we have seen ads promoting detergents and have women shown as the person promoting the brand. Recently, an advertisement shows how a child gets his t-shirt dirty and a lady tells his mom her work has increased. It's not the advertisement that is at fault as every brand portrays women responsible for the laundry work. The men are shown passing on their clothes to the ladies of their house and the ladies then are shown scrubbing the clothes and washing them with the detergent powder. Why this can't be changed? The ads need to show men too helping the women in this job as just passing on the dirty clothes to the women makes it the responsibility of a women only to manage the laundry work. When a man's clothes get dirty, he can himself wash his own clothes instead of making it a woman's job.

2. Laundry work is not rocket-science

Men feel that washing machines are made for women to use it. When I visit malls too, it's mainly women who are seeing purchasing washing machines and men paying the bills. Is it right? A washing machine can be used by anyone who learns how to use it and men aren't incapable of using a washing machine. It has infact made the laundry work look like a minute's job. It just requires a little effort to scrub the clothes with the detergent and press the button of the washing machine. Then you need to take out the clothes and dry them. Is it difficult? Not at all. Anyone can do it and we can start this by making our sons wash their own clothes or atleast start learning how to use a washing machine. They will themselves operate it later on and share the load.

3. Blogs addressing the fact:

I recently read this blog and was shocked to see the facts mentioned here. https://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2012/01/19/125-years-of-holding-women-responsible-for-laundry/

For 125 years, people only hold women responsible of the laundry work? Why is it so? I am also a male and I don't see why does my wife only have the need to wash the clothes of my house. I can do this job easily. While cooking is a task that requires one to first learn how to cook, laundry doesn't require any kind of knowledge. It's one of the most easiest tasks that anyone can do and it is not at all a workload. Men need to think about the other jobs a women does and take up atleast the laundry work to make it easier for their females.

We need to agree that Laundry is not just a women's responsibility and there's nothing that really defines a job as a women's job or a man's job. Clothes are worn by both genders and hence why differentiate or identify one as the one held responsible of the laundry work? I hope this blog post can help in spreading the word and men do Share The Load.


Discussing the task's gender ShareTheLoad

As I and my wife took up this activity at home and had a great time sharing the load and writing about our experience, we both as individuals spoke about the general perspective of women and men thinking about what work is decided to be a male's job or a female's job. We started talking about all the house chores that a woman performs at home and thinking about each task being feminine or not.

1. Making breakfast, lunch and dinner:

These tasks can be performed by males and females. Like we have male chefs in restaurants who are expert in cooking, this job can be done by both males and females. It's not a task that cannot be done by any gender and like we have females who handle household duties in addition to their office duties, we can have males too who can take up the duty of preparing breakfast, lunch and dinner at home.

2. Laundry work:

It's true that we haven't actually seen males wash their own clothes in their houses but we do have laundries where we can see males washing the clothes, ironing them and returning them to us. When males can do it outside the house and it is considered as their job, they can do it at home as well. Laundry work is not only assumed to be a women's job nor is it a task that is feminine. It's a responsibility that needs to be shared.

3. Homework/Taking care of kids:

Like we see mothers completing the homework of their kids, why can't males do the same? Educated men can take up this responsibility and teach their kids while the women in their house can take the time off or concentrate on another job. Educating a kid is a parents job and not exactly defined as a man's or woman's job. We have male teachers in schools and colleges and so males can teach their kids at home as well.

As we discussed about the household jobs, we noticed that there is no task that is feminine and we have seen men who do the same as a part of their job, can share the load with the females of their house as well. There should be nothing that can be considered only a female's job as each and every task can be done by both, men and women. We need to promote this message on all platforms to see the responses and get feedback on the same.


Monday, May 16, 2016

Fun Sunday Task #LaundryGoesOddEven

I tried and tested the Ariel Matic gift hamper that I received from Blogadda and here's what I've to say about my experience.

It was a fun activity that I and my wife did on an early morning Sunday. We woke up at 6:30 a.m. and I got the clothes ready that need to be washed. We switched on the washing machine and I just told my wife to keep guiding me as I use the washing machine and stop me if I made any mistake. I opened the packet of Ariel Matic and took out the scoop. The powder was really fine and had a decent fragrance. I added the amount as advised by my wife and then took out the remaining clothes that had tough stains. My wife stood by me and told me that I cannot mix up the other clothes with these ones as the dirt would mix up with those and hence I used another scoop that my wife uses and started rubbing on the stains. At first, I was doing it slowly and my wife taunted me saying that it would take days if I continued at this speed. We just laughed at that moment as she could see that I was serious about this activity as I wanted to prove that I am a cooperative husband.

I was finding it tough to rub the stains but I could see Ariel working on those stains and them slowly coming off. It took me about 15 minutes to remove stains from one tshirt and I spent another 45 minutes for the other three garments and then I put all those clothes in the washing machine and started it. In about 2 hours then to get all those clothes washed and I and my wife kept chatting with each other as she was in the kitchen and I was besides the washing machine.

My wife was constantly thanking Blogadda and Ariel for this activity as it made her work easy. It was after a long time that we shared such good moments and I realized that if we share our work like this every Sunday, life would be so wonderful for us. It should be done by all husbands as wives really feel happy when their husbands help them with the housework although initially they are reluctant thinking that we may not do a good job.

Thanks Blogadda and Ariel for making me and my wife relive those funky moments we were missing earlier.


Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Happy moments which I shared with my wife during her pregnancy #YummyMummy

Here I have listed down those special moments and unforgettable ones which I shared with my wife during her pregnancy. It was tough for both of us as it was our first baby and her mom was away and could barely visit us. I have some moments to share which were the best ones and funny as well since my wife had mood swings too.

When she got her first sonography report:

It was after three months when my wife got her first sonography report. I couldn't accompany my wife to the hospital as I had not got a leave and she went with her mother to the hospital. But I am thankful to the new technology that my wife could share the pictures of the first sonography report via the internet and she mailed me all those pictures. I viewed them on my laptop and felt so emotional to see my baby's first picture. I kept touching my computer screen and I could only see its legs that looked as small as two teeth. I can't express my feelings in words but all my office colleagues kept admiring those pictures and congratulating me. I went home and we both kept checking the report and imagining what would our baby would look like.

Her baby bump...

It was after 3.1 months that my wife's baby bump was visible and she started gaining a lot of weight. I used to keep teasing her by showing her pictures of how women look in their 7th-8th month and she used to fear of becoming fat. She used to wear long kurtis and paijamas instead of her formal wear and mostly loose clothes.

When she began vomiting:

She did not start vomiting during the first 3 months and it was later on when she used to keep vomiting and I used to feel concerned for her. There was no medicine she could take to stop the vomiting and it was considered normal. I uesd to feel bad for her as the doctor had strictly advised her not to consume any tablets as it could harm the baby's growth. Even when she used ot get headache or stmach ache, she used to learn to control it rather than consume SARIDON or CROCIN.

When my wife kept craving like a baby...

My wife started feeling restless after her fifth month and she used to keep these demands before me that used to makes me wonder whether she is having a baby or is a baby herself. LOL! She used to eat lot of tamarind and kairis but besides that, she used to wake up in the night and ask me to make sandwiches and cheese toast for her. It was one night that she just woke up at 3:00 a.m. and ordered me to go to the kitchen else she would start crying. I was too sleepy but watching her craving, I went insdie the kitchen and decided to fulfill her wish. Unfortunately, there was no bread in the fridge and when I told her the same, she started getting even more cranky. I rushed down to the neighbors house and watching the time, they asked me if there was any problem. I asked them for bread and explained them the situation. When they said they have it, I breathed a sigh of relief. I rushed back up and heard my wife scolding me for taking so long. I went in the kitchen and made her cheese toast sandwich within 15 minutes and she ate it like a child.

The first kick...

She was in her sixth month and I was busy communicating with our baby and making him listen to music. The song was "Disco Dancer" and one of my favorites which was playing and that time our baby kicked for the first ever time. My wife was getting pain initially and to cheer up her mood, I added humor to that moment saying that it's Mithun Chakraborthy's fault and Bappi Lehri who sang the song. The child got angry with that music and hence kicked. She started laughing and her pain too vaished within few minutes.

The day of the delivery...

This day when I came rushing to meet her and the baby, she was screaming in pain and resting on the bed. Those moments had been hard for both of us and more for her as she took all the pain and trouble during these nine months and this day her effort would pay off. Her water bag had broken and the doctors came in and took her away. Her mom was besides her and I kept waiting outside and praying that everything goes well. Finally, the nurse came out with the doctor and congratulated me on becoming a father. It was a moment when my entire world had changed and I rushed inside to see my wife smiling at me and having tears in her eyes. I hugged her tightly and we both enjoyed this moment of joy.

For every father, these moments are the best ones of our life and on this Mother's Day, I want to thank all those women out there and salute them for if it was not for them, we males too wouldn't see life. It's they who bring us in this world and take all the pain upon themselves.


Saturday, May 7, 2016

#YummyMummy The birth of a father

Being a male, I always envied woman as they have God's gift of giving birth to a new life while for a male, he has always to live the pregnancy moments with his wife but can never experience the same.

Reliving those moments...

It was a Friday and I had come from office all tired and stressed as I had worked overtime since weekends wee an off for me. 

As usual I called out to my wife "Honey, please bring me a glass of orange juice. I'm too tired now and office colleagues made me complete their pending work..."

My wife came out with a glass of orange juice within 5 minutes and had this endless smile on her face. I wondered if she has prepared something good for dinner or if her office work was going good. I gulped down te juice in few seconds and handed over the glass. I asked her with a smile on my face "Anything special, Honey? Some good news." These words just came out as casual words at that moment.

"Yes." She said. "I have a good news." Her smile was worth capturing and I asked "What's special? Got a salary hike? Any special dinner or something?" "I did not cook food today. Mom is going to come over for dinner and she has cooked something special." I wondered what's the reason and she then caressed her stomach and whispered "I'm pregnant."


The moment she said those two words to me, I jumped with joy. I had been stressed earlier and that news made my all stress vanish immediately.

For a mother, those moments are even more special as she experiences each and every moment of her child's movement within her and she can feel her breath too while for a father, his entire world changes when he gets to know he is becoming a dad and there will be a kid who will call him "Dada". It was the same for me where I had to make so many preparations to welcome my child, right from planning her diet, doing all the shopping, employing a maid for the housework, to getting a nutritionist who helped my wife all those 9 months and made her a diet chart. My wife was skeptical about putting on weight and then not be able to reduce it after delivery but the neutritionist helped her to gain confidence.

I was working in the office when I got a call from hom that my wife has been admitted in the hospital due to labor pain and I took a half day and rushed to the hospital. After 3 hours, the baby was born and the doctor told us it's a girl. My daughter was still in the incubator due to health issues and a premature delivery and I looked at her from outside thanking my wife and God for this new happiness.


Monday, May 2, 2016

About Myself

My name is Richard Fernandes and I am a middle-aged male who works in an IT company as a manager. I am a Software graduate from Mumbai University. As a full-time employee, I get rarely any time to spend at home with my wife but I make sure that on weekends, I can spend time with her and my children and make new dishes at home. I work 5 days in a week and my work gets hectic sometimes due to which I often spend 12-13 hours in office. My hobbies are playing the piano, violin and reading books. I also love watching movies late night. My immediate family members include: my wife and 2 kids. My eldest daughter is a Software Engineer and is married with a kid. My son too is married. My wife works as a Lawyer. I have a dream to make my family self-sufficient and fulfil the dreams of my kids before I retire.

- Richard Fernandes