Friday, November 27, 2015

Fish for Friday

Edited by Morris Dean

[Anonymous selections from recent correspondence]

“Choose to Be Grateful. It Will Make You Happier.” [Arthur C. Brooks, NY Times] Excerpt:
    ...Evidence suggests that we can actively choose to practice gratitude — and that doing so raises our happiness.
    This is not just self-improvement hokum. For example, researchers in one 2003 study randomly assigned one group of study participants to keep a short weekly list of the things they were grateful for, while other groups listed hassles or neutral events. Ten weeks later, the first group enjoyed significantly greater life satisfaction than the others. Other studies have shown the same pattern and lead to the same conclusion. If you want a truly happy holiday, choose to keep the “thanks” in Thanksgiving, whether you feel like it or not.
What science-shaking announcement was made 100 years ago [the day before yester]day? “A Century Ago, Einstein’s Theory of Relativity Changed Everything” [Dennis Overbye, NY Times] Excerpt:
By the fall of 1915, Albert Einstein was a bit grumpy....
Ospreys [and other wildlife] are threatened by toxic substances that pollute waters and accumulate in fish they feed on – including chemicals in flame retardants, cleaning products, and plastics....
    ...the devastating pollutants just keep coming. As soon as one harmful chemical is phased out new ones enter the food chain.
    The constant addition of untested chemicals into the environment is endangering wildlife—often in ways that take years to discover.
    Right now we have a chance to reform the main law that regulates toxic chemicals, so that it is strong enough to protect vulnerable birds, fish, frogs and mammals from an onslaught of toxic pollution....
    We’ve been battling tooth and nail to make toxic chemical reform in Congress meaningful.
    Now, the Senate’s bipartisan toxic chemical reform bill, called “The Frank R. Lautenberg Chemical Safety for the 21st Century Act,” fixes the biggest problems with our current law.
    This bill would make sure the safety of chemicals is evaluated using sound science, rather than based on cost. It would prioritize testing the most dangerous chemicals first. And, this bill would help prevent new chemicals from entering the marketplace if they are thought to be unsafe.
    Urge your U.S. senators to support meaningful toxic chemical reform to prevent dangerous chemicals from harming ospreys and at-risk wildlife across the nation.

Have you heard this exceptional voice and lyrical talent, Adele, a young women from England?
    The staid Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeitung just had an article trashing her new album, “Hello,” as “Tupperware for popular music.” But the author also pointed to her fine early albums “19” and “25.”
    All the songs in “19” are on YouTube. They’re super. Powerful voice and wonderful, surprising rhythms, with the lyrics that can be read at the bottom of each song.

Finally, after surgery that required that I use a catheter for several days, the catheter has been removed. I cannot describe the level of pain involved with that. This pain was something else. So glad it’s over!
    I enjoy a personal and close relationship with our pastor. He and I had a text to and fro yesterday that went like this:
    Pastor: Are you free of your pee bag strapped to your leg yet?
    Me: Yes! Now I’m wearing Depends diapers. It’s amazing how much they hold! I could even sit through one of your sermons without changing to a new one!
    Pastor: I am so glad they make panties with that much capacity!
    Me: Now I know why all the old codgers in your congregation sit there looking satisfied with smiles on their faces. They are peeing themselves.
    Pastor: Ha! Too much information.

I read the medication’s insert, and I saw nothing about dizziness. All the side effects seem to center around the abdomen. Other than the one warning of possible Teletubby. (Sorry, I didn’t mean “Teletubby,” but my AutoCorrector didn’t want to write the word the means cessation of life; it kept substituting things like “Teletubby,” “formality,” “normality.”)

Chand Baori stepwell in India

Just wanted to clear up the situation in Syria ...
    But then some of the rebels turned a bit nasty and are now called Islamic State (who are definitely bad) and some continued to support democracy (who are still good).
    Getting back to Syria. President Putin (bad, as he invaded Crimea and the Ukraine and killed lots of folks including that nice Russian man in London with polonium) has decided to back Assad (who is still bad) by attacking IS (who are also bad) which is sort of a good thing?

Question: What is the truest definition of globalization?
    Answer: Princess Diana’s death.
    Question: How come?
    Answer: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel, riding in a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky, followed closely by Italian paparazzi on Japanese motorcycles, treated by an American doctor using Brazilian medicines.
    This is sent to you by a Canadian using American Bill Gates’s technology, and you’re likely reading this on a computer that uses Taiwanese chips and a Korean monitor assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant, transported by Indian truck drivers, hijacked by Indonesians, unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen, and trucked to you by someone who immigrated to the US.
    That, my friend, is globalization!

Only in Australia:

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control centre in Brisbane. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and, at the end of the conversation, happened to mention that she had given her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.

Qantas Airlines – Repair Division. Remember, it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one.
    Here are some more actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers (marked with an S):

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
Limerick of the week:
    Line 3 sea
Copyright © 2015 by Morris Dean

1 comment:

  1. Ever grateful: centennial of General Relativity, toxic chemical reform, Adele "19," it Depends, quirk of AutoCorrector, tedious stepwell, Syria cleared up, globalization explained, only in Australia, anteater, Qantas Repair Division, bummer....