February 23, 2007

Physiological Training (Episode 1)

So much to tell; infinite blogspace to tell it in. The high altitude physiological training at Andrews AFB this week was a blast. I learned a lot and had fun (despite being scared as well). Class began at 7 am Monday morning. Primarily we learned about hypoxia. Hypoxia is essentially an oxygen deficiency to your blood and brain. It can cause many symptoms which can differ from person to person and can lead to loss of consciousness and ultimately death. Now, at high altitudes pressure decreases. Therefore, with each breath you are actually taking in less oxygen than at normal pressure - this causes hypoxia. The idea behind our training was to allow us to learn about hypoxia and recognize the situations and symptoms which could lead to its onset. We also learned how to avert its dangers (so as not to die).

One of the main concepts we learned during the morning classes was the "time of useful consciousness" or TUC. When someone passes their TUC, they do not immediately pass out; rather, they becomes unresponsive and basically... useless. Also, they get a big stupid grin on their face. Since at higher altitudes there is less oxygen in each breath you take, a person's TUC decreases as elevation increases. At 35000 feet for example - where most commercial planes fly - the average time of useful consciousness is 30-60 seconds. Thank God for cabin pressurization! At 25000 ft. the average TUC is 3-5 minutes. Keep in mind: this is the altitude at which they had us take our oxygen masks off. But we'll get to that later.

Easily the most entertaining part of the class came when we got to watch videos of people (in a controlled environment) going hypoxic and passing their TUC. My favorite video was of a hypoxic man who had been given a deck of cards which he was to look at, show, and name one at a time. The exchange went something like this...

[Man shows 4 of clubs]
Man: 4 of spades.
Flight Doc: Look at that one again. Are you sure?
[Man looks again and shows]
Man: 4 of spades.
[Man puts down card and draws 8 of hearts]
Man: 4 of spades.
[Man puts down card and does not draw a new one, but displays an empty hand as though he were holding a card.]
Man: 4 of spades.
Flight Doc: Sir, can you describe what you're feeling?
Man: 4 of spades.

I absolutely lost it while watching this video. Of course, I felt slightly like a schmuck because none of the air force guys in the training were laughing - but whatever. Unfortunately there are no hypoxia videos quite this funny on YouTube.

After lunch the real fun began. We entered the chamber. After checking our oxygen equipment and pre-breathing oxygen for a half-hour (so as to avoid the bends) we began our ascent up to 35000 feet. Along the way, I learned a couple of things. First of all, remember all that pV = nRT nonsense you learned in high school chem? Definitely true. For one thing, as pressure decreases (which it did greatly during ascent) temperature decreases. By the time we got to 35K feet, I was freezing my nips off. The other crazy thing is that as pressure decreases, volume increases. Now before you go thinking I'm a dork for telling you all this, think for a moment about the gas contained in your stomach and bowels. As you go from sea level to 35000 feet, that gas expands like crazy. So, needless to say, there are absolutely no social graces in the altitude chamber when it comes to flatulence. And I absolutely will not admit that I had Taco Bell for lunch that day. Thankfully we couldn't hear or smell a thing.
Here's probably the weirdest thing that happened on our way up: when a person goes above roughly 26000 feet, their breathing cycle reverses. Allow me to explain. Currently, when you breath, you have to actively (even if practically subconsciously) take a breath in, but the breath out happens passively as a reaction to the fact that you have full lungs. Above a certain altitude though, the reverse is the case. At this point, air is forced into your lungs with no effort whatsoever and you have to forcefully exhale. (Did I make sense?) It was so freaky. It took me a while to get the hang of it actually and I think I started to hyperventilate a bit.

On the next episode of Physiological Training, descent to 25,000 feet and the dropping of the oxygen masks. Stay tuned.

February 19, 2007

I will survive

Well, I survived my first X-treme activity of the week. Skiing was fantastic. I'm even getting pretty good at skiing backwards. Now I can't help but wish I were skiing everywhere I went. It would be fun... and no CO2 emissions!

Next up - physiological training at Andrews AFB. 2 days of God knows what is before me. I only hope I don't die - and if possible - that I don't pass out. Feel free to pray for me. I'll keep you up to date if I have access to a computer - otherwise, check back on Thursday.

Continuing with my discussion of cinnamon rolls... I once came up with a really great idea for a new culinary invention: fortune rolls. The deliciousness of a cinnamon roll with the wisdom of a fortune cookie. Think about it. Fortune cookies are not the tastiest treat of the...trove? (alliteration is hard) They're too crunchy and not delicious enough to be a proper desert or snack. They are primarily loved for their tokens of wisdom such as "A new business venture will bring you great success [in bed]." Therefore, why not incorporate this wisdom into a more delectable desert? Before I get logistical questions from the peanut gallery, let me answer the obvious: first you cook the roll as normal, then you place a cylindrical plastic vile containing the fortune in the center of the roll. The location of the fortune is also terribly important and metaphorical and all that - which I have already promised to expand upon soon.

February 15, 2007

A slippery slope to insanity

Good lord it's been a crazy week. And the madness will only spill into next week as well. Allow me to back this thang up...

This past weekend, TinRoof's parents came to town. Good times were had by all. Much delicious food was eaten. Two most excellent performances were seen. (Though, by the by, avoid the first quarto of Hamlet - in comparison with the traditional folio, the language is horribly clumsy. I mean, To be or not to be, that is the point?!?!) Needless to say, I didn't accomplish much else this weekend (not that I'm complaining).

Monday was my birthday - as you might have known. My present to myself was to sleep in later than I should have. After that it was class and then attempted research, meaning every time I started to get work done, another friend would call to say Happy Birthday and want to catch up for awhile. (PS. Many thanks for all the calls and well wishes.) Finally the phone died down and I once again began to work... and then the building's fire alarm went off. I couldn't freaking believe it. Eventually I gave up and headed to dinner, bible study, and drinks.

Tuesday occurred.

Yesterday was Valentines Day. To avert the risk of enraging the anti-v-day masses, I'll simply say it was a wonderful day with an amazing woman (despite the fact that I was required to hold office hours from 4-6 and again from 7-9. Hey undergrads, have I told you lately that I hate you?)

That brings us up to date. Part of the reason I've been so busy in the week thus far is because of what lies ahead. This weekend we're off to Snowshoe Mountain for some skiing. I am ridiculously excited. I love skiing. Then I will be spending the early part of next week in DC at Andrews Air Force Base for some kind of physiological training. From what I can tell, it's going to be me and a bunch of air force pilots in an oxygen chamber. I'll be sure to post details after it all goes down - assuming I don't die.

I suddenly have the urge to once again provide you with a pointless view about something completely random - after all, what are blogs for? So let me just say this - there are rules to eating a cinnamon roll. In fact in high school a friend and I fully developed the theory of cinnamon rolls. I even wrote my college entrance essay to this end. One day soon I'll post that essay and we can discuss why cinnamon rolls are awesome.

February 13, 2007

One time, OK, see, one time (part 3)

OK, so, one time Randy Beaman's cat ate this fish from the fish tank but the fish was a piranha, it lived inside the cat forever, and the cat became Piranha Cat.

'K, bye.

February 12, 2007

February 08, 2007

Night Dreamer

To die, to sleep...
To sleep, perchance to dream; ay, there's the rub!
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil
Must give us pause.

Thank God I don't have dreams like that. Then again, I'm also not dead. My point is: some dreams are scary and therefore I am glad not to have them. The truth is I rarely dream at all. Now at this point, I am quite sure people are thinking, "That's not true! You dream all the time. You just don't remember the dreams!" Believe me, I've heard that a million times and I still hold fast to my position.

I don't believe you can truly call something a dream if you don't even remember having had it. Do you want to define a dream as subconscious thought? Then fine, if we're alive we're in a state of dreaming. But that's not what people mean when they say, "I had a dream last night." They mean they woke up remembering having dreamt about riding a unicorn through a forest and being chased by Rodney Dangerfield who was throwing jelly beans and ninja stars at them - and when they finally escaped, they found themselves speaking at the UN. Or at the least they mean they woke with a feeling that they had dreamt - but the memory of the dream has escaped them. They do not mean: "Last night my subconscious continued functioning as normal." When I wake, I don't even have a feeling of having dreamt. So why people give me such a hard time when I claim I practically never dream is beyond me.

Now, that being established, there are several advantages and disadvantages to my predicament. On the one hand, as mentioned above, nightmares sound like not much fun. I can't imagine I would care for them. On the other hand, I also don't get a chance to enjoy dreams where I'm flying or making out with a super model while watching TV and enjoying a pastrami sandwich (the most sensual of all the salted cured meats). But the trade off is that when I sleep I feel I'm maximizing my opportunity to rest my brain - which I believe is just as important as resting the body.

Most of the times that I have remembered a dream it's really been more of a thought than a scenario. One time two years ago I woke up convinced the Cardinals had traded Chris Carpenter. I was incredibly distraught. I couldn't understand why we would trade our best pitcher. Then I realized it was just a dream (nightmare) and went back to sleep. Believe it or not I've even had recurring dreams (pretty amazing for a guy who dreams about once every other month). In my recurring dream, I'm in a play and I've just come out on stage when I suddenly realize I have forgotten to learn my lines. I haven't forgotten my lines. I've forgotten to even learn them! So I have to ad lib. It's very stressful. One time I had this dream two nights in a row. The funny thing was that in the second dream, it was now the second night of performances and I came out on stage only to have the same realization as the previous night. But this time it was far worse in that I couldn't understand why, after the previous night, I hadn't remembered to take the time that day to learn my stinking lines! I'm not really sure what causes this particular dream to crop up in my life from time to time - but I'd be anxious to hear ya'll's thoughts.

In closing - I have agreed to help a fellow grad student with his research by volunteering for a sleep study. It should be quite fascinating. I'll get to see a printout of my heart rate and brain waves and eye movement and all that. Perhaps it will shed some light on my lack of dreaming (as I define dreaming). Then I'll have scientific evidence that I am not a Night Dreamer.

February 07, 2007

In my day

...we had to walk to school barefoot in the snow. Uphill. Both ways.

We got a couple inches last night. I love it. Of course, I would also love to stay at home and watch a movie or read under a blanket. But no can do - I'm a grad student...

February 05, 2007

Light-Urple Rain

Admittedly I don't have much time for a long post right now. I have some homework due tomorrow that I have yet to begin...etc. etc. However, I feel I would be remiss if I didn't offer at least one comment on last night's "Super" Bowl. Now I could talk to you about the commercialization of the game and how much of a disgusting spectacle it has become. Or I could talk about how the game itself was fairly dull and the commercials were lacking. (After all, when a performance Prince is the highlight of the event, you know it's been a slow day.) And believe me I was happy to see the Colts win. TinRoof was happy. Tony Dungy was happy. And Peyton can finally tell Tom Brady to suck it. Or I could talk about how much fun it was to watch the game in HD (have I ever told ya'll that my TV is awesome?). But at the end of the day, this year's Super Bowl just served as further proof that baseball is better than football.

Let me be more specific. Colts players followed tradition by dousing a cooler of Gatorade on Tony Dungy to celebrate the win. Well perhaps I was the only one who noticed but... the freaking game wasn't over yet!! This kind of thing would never happen in baseball. In baseball, the game is not over until the last out has been called. It helps build what we like to call "tension". Even multiple-run leads that seem insurmountable can be... mounted. All you need is one out and a rally-cap. I've seen the Cardinals come back from as many as 8 runs in the bottom of the ninth before. And while I'm not saying football is never exciting and down to the wire (see the Colts' win over the Pats) it isn't even built to be so consistently.

Yikes. I gotta go.

February 02, 2007

Happy Groundhog Day

The little bugger didn't see his shadow. Can I get an amen? Short winter this year. Don't worry though, I'm sure it's totally unrelated to global warming. (By the by, did anyone else notice that Al Gore was recently nominated for a Nobel Prize?) In honor of my fellow shut-in, Punxsutawney Phil (he lives in a stump, I a windowless office), here are some lists about grad school...

Things I Don't Like About Grad School

A1. Office hours (see B5)
A2. An office with no windows (see B4)
A3. Research (see B1)
A4. Classes (see B2)
A5. Being underpaid (see B3)

Things I Do Like About Grad School

B1. Professors with Scottish accents (see A4)
B2. Irrational disdain for undergraduates (see A1)
B3. Coming in to work at 11 (see A2)
B4. "Working at home" (see A3)
B5. Getting paid to go to school (see A5)

February 01, 2007

You and your third dimension


Read this.

We are Mooninites from the inner core of the moon.
Our race is hundreds of years beyond yours.
Some would say that the Earth is our moon.
But that would belittle the name of our moon, which is: The Moon.
Point is: we're at the center, not you.