12 words you need to ban from your vocabulary to be a better ally

Image: Jeff DeWeerd/ImageZoo/Corbis

You're all about thoughtful solidarity. Your favorite word is "problematic." You're constantly on that social justice grind. I mean, come on, you even clicked on this article to better your ally skills.

You're a pretty darn good ally, if you do say so yourself.

But hold on there, tiger. Before you go accepting your award for Ally of the Year, it's time to take a step back and check your vocabulary.

We all know the basics: "Gay" is definitely not a synonym for "stupid," and the N-word is off-limits for all white folks forever and always. But there are some words that lurk in the shadows of our everyday vocabulary that we need to confront. It's all part of the truly never-ending quest for a more responsible allyship.

If one of these 12 words is still in your vocabulary, it's time to reframe, rethink and reimagine your word choices.

1. "Lame"

If you're still using the word "lame," you might want to give your internal dictionary a serious update.

"Lame" was originally used in reference to people with reduced mobility due to physical disability. The word is now tossed around schoolyards and workplaces everywhere to mean "uncool" and "unappealing." Even singer-songwriter Ellie Goulding recently included the word in an activist-oriented tweet addressing misogyny in song lyrics.

For a lot of us, "lame" doesn't have that same bad-word sting many offensive terms have. But that definitely doesn't mean it's OK to use. Disability rights activists have long called for the word to phase out. We have a responsibility to respect that.

2. "Retarded"

We all really need to relinquish the R-word. To catch you up to speed, the term "mental retardation" is a stale, clinical term once used to label what we now call intellectual disabilities. Using the term to mean "stupid" devalues those with intellectual disabilities, which should make you question your word choice.

While adults are guilty of using the term to describe something annoying or unappealing, the word is especially a problem among youth. Stop using it and replace it with more colorful words. And don't forget to politely correct the person, whether grown man or child, who still thinks this term is perfectly fine. It's not.

3. "Colored"

Sure, this is an older term that doesn't lurk in our language all too often, but it's definitely not just a vocab issue for out-of-touch, elder generations. Actor Benedict Cumberbatch was rightfully criticized earlier this year for using the term "colored" while advocating for diversity in film during an interview. (No, the irony is not lost.)

The term Cumberbatch (and you) should be using is "people of color," which is a widely accepted umbrella term that includes any non-white person.

"Colored" is outdated. Let's reframe.

4. "OCD"

When you have your desk all nice and tidy, you might be tempted to proclaim yourself "so OCD." But obsessive-compulsive disorder is a mental illness that means so much more than a knack for organization. It means having a lack of control over certain thoughts or activities, so much so that they inhibit daily life.

Though you may think you're just describing your affinity for Windex, there's a whole population of people who don't appreciate you trivializing a major daily obstacle. Try using "particular," "clean" or "organized" instead.

5. "Derp"

If you are into Internet lingo, you've seen an overuse of "herp derp" or "derp" to address Internet faux pas everywhere. It may seem like a quirky phrase that simplifies saying, "That made no sense," or "What are you even talking about?" But even before its inception as an Internet meme, it has been consistently used to mock people with intellectual disabilities.

A not-so-quick, yet totally satisfying fix? Go the longer route and say, "Hmm...maybe you're not getting the point, buddy." It's worth the extra characters.

6. "Crazy"

If you're using the term "crazy" countless times a day, you're probably in the norm. But that doesn't mean it's OK. Terms like "crazy" — or "insane," for that matter — make light of mental illness in a way no ally wants to support.

Your boss isn't "crazy" for her serious, intense demeanor; she's stern. Your friend isn't "crazy" for dating her ex; she's a little misguided. Your cashier wasn't "crazy" for putting your bread and laundry detergent together in the same bag; he just sucks at bagging.

Other words are always going to be available, not to mention more inclusive. Use them.

7. "Tranny"

...but sometimes it is actually the word, RuPaul — especially with a slur this strong.

The T-word is never OK for a cisgender person to use. Behind it is a history of violence and oppression inflicted on transgender bodies that we need to recognize, and respect those who continue to overcome it.

RuPaul Charles of RuPaul's Drag Race was schooled on this term back in 2014, but didn't take the lesson too well. In response to backlash against his copious use of the word "tranny," RuPaul stated he "earned the right" to use the term because he's "lived the life." RuPaul, however, is a drag performer who does not identify as transgender. He doesn't have the right to reclaim or use a term that isn't oppressive to him. And neither do you.

Instead, become more sensitive to the trans experience. It's a major step in being a good ally to those of marginalized genders.

8. "Illegal"

"Illegal" can refer to the act of stealing a car, but not in reference to immigrant populations.

It's pretty simple to explain: Actions are illegal, people are not. The word "illegal" has been applied and abused by those advocating for harsh immigration policies that are undoubtedly racist and xenophobic.

The more inclusive term you're looking for is undocumented immigrants. Sure, some immigrants aren't in possession of documents, but no person is illegal for existing.

9. "Gyp"

That vending machine cheats you out of a few bucks, and suddenly you're complaining to everyone that you got "gypped" out of your soda. But pump the breaks on that language for a hot second. "Gypped" isn't the term you want to use if you want to keep your ally card.

"Gypped" comes from the word "gypsy," which refers to Romani people who are often characterized unfairly as swindlers. It's a word that has very real implications for the unequal treatment of Romani people today.

Just stick to calling the inanimate vending machine "rude." It's better for everyone.

10. "Exotic"

If your new coworker has a name you've never heard of before, hold your tongue before telling him or her it's "exotic." Using this word ends up exoticizing whomever you're referring to, usually with nasty racial underpinnings. It's a major verbal microaggression we need to undo.

"Exotic" is a term that others. It's also a term usually reserved for animals and plants. So, let's not even go there.

11. "Ghetto"

Suspected to derive from an Italian slang term for waste, the word "ghetto" calls back to concentration camps of World War II. But it has also been used to label the neighborhoods marginalized communities were forced to inhabit due to social and economic disadvantage. Classism and racism run rampant when you call a place, or a person, "ghetto." And that should make anyone cringe.

So, next time you feel compelled to use that term, think twice, and confront why you want to use it to describe a neighborhood in the first place. Chances are, there are racist and classist undertones to that want, too.

12. "Fat"



Stop using "fat" in a way that shames others — or even yourself. Sure, fat is something we all have and need to survive. But being concerned about "looking fat" in a dress is a way to shame people who might not fit the conventional beauty standards of our society. It's a way to verbally value thinner people over others.

Allies, feel free to reclaim fat as an empowering identity (here's looking at you, #fatspo). But if you're going to pull a Facebook and say you're "feeling fat" today, refrain. Fat is not a feeling. Fat is not a put-down, nor is it shameful. Fat is a part of your body.