Dress codes are misfortunate for many awkward, growing kids - specifically for girls. At 13 or 14, I hadn’t yet reached my full 6-foot height and yet my feet were already the size of small submarines and my arms and legs were like long, lanky noodles. It took a few years for my painfully short torso to catch up with the rest of me.

I now pity my mother, who had the challenge of finding shorts that were long enough so that they were 2 inches below my fingers. My arms were so long in junior high, I’m pretty sure they touched my knees. We’d buy my clothes at the mall and then my grandmother, who was a talented seamstress, would let out seams as far as they would go. There were a few times when we’d buy pants, only to cut them off at a short length but long enough to wear to school.

Finding clothing for growing, lanky children isn’t easy. It’s even harder with today’s strict dress codes that, whether purposely or not, can unfairly target female students.

It was at an intermediate school in Madison County, Alabama, last week that the principal called out over the intercom for all female students to stand up in class to make sure that they were abiding by the dress code. The boys remained seated.

One student, a tall, long-legged 9-year-old daughter of a friend of mine, was called to the front of the class and was later sent home with a warning because her fingertips extended below the length of her shorts. Another female student, who was wearing a long shirt with leggings, was also given a warning, but because her shirt was not long enough. If she had been wearing jeans, she would have been fine, but not that day, due to the leggings.

These girls are in fourth grade. They are children. Not objects to be sexualized or put through public shaming. But unfortunately, that is what dress codes, and specifically a call for only girls to stand up, does. It makes them objects and prioritizes the length of their shorts over their own education. It sends a message that when girls are not appropriately “covered” - that they are at fault. But for what?

It also teaches boys that the rules don’t necessarily apply to them. It puts emphasis that girls are objects of distraction, and thus the girls must comply, despite their awkwardly growing bodies and the fact that they aren’t yet even 10.

Unfortunately, these dress code incidents happen all too frequently across the country. Instead of emphasizing education in the classroom, the focus is instead switched to what our children are wearing, instead of what they are learning. There is a place for dress codes, but children should never be called out. Rather than unfairly penalizing a specific sex, race or religious group based on what they wear, policies should be inclusive and neutral.

That was the focus of a new dress code policy approved July 11 by the Roanoke County School Board in Roanoke, Virginia. As part of the approval process, 1,370 parents voted on the new code, which had a 59% approval rating. The previous dress code could be perceived as targeting female students, said Don Butzer, Roanoke County Schools board chairman, with language like “undergarments (including bra straps), cleavage or midriffs should not be exposed,” and “short/skirt length should be no higher than mid-thigh.” The banned clothing list included the words “shirts with spaghetti straps.”

But, the new policy is more gender-neutral, requiring “tops must have shoulder straps” and clothing must “cover areas from one armpit across to the other armpit, down to approximately 3 to 4 inches in length on the upper thighs.” Butzer called the new dress code one of the “most progressive, non-gender-biased dress codes in the state,” according to the Roanoke Times.

There is a need for dress codes and an appropriate use for them. But, as the mom of two daughters and a son, it makes me more than grateful that dress codes have never been discussed at my kids’ elementary school, outside of a reference in a parenting handbook. If my daughter had been called to stand while boys remained seated, I would be banging on the door of the superintendent to complain.

But luckily, some school systems are more progressive than others. For those with antiquated policies, I hope they change. Schools should focus on being as inclusive as possible, and always, the focus should be on education.