Why do Children Fight?

Why do Children Fight?

Everyone knows that almost all children fight. Even the little ones tend to get into small fights not to mention elder children. Sometimes this tendency turns into a real problem for parents and they would like to solve it but do not know how. They try to discuss it on internet forums for parents and often receive a contradictory advice in response. They appeal to psychologists who do not really clarify the problem looking for motives ranging from the child wasn’t loved and cared about enough to the child received too much love and attention. And, of course, some parents know beyond a shadow of a doubt that whipping their children is the best mean of upbrining and do that without further ado following an old but not so good tradition of the anal vector

It is definitely difficult to understand why children really fight without an accurate guide, which means that parents have to fight with the consequences of their children behavior not knowing the motives of it that is not effective in the least. Vector Systems Psychology gives us those guides and helps us to establish priorities and use the most adequate means ourselves to influence our children if needed.

“If there is a desire to fight, the reason always can be found ” this slightly changed saying draws attention to the fact that the desire to fight comes first. As for the presence or absence of a definite reason that does not matter much and we can see that a lot. This desire is primarily present in children based on the deep natural psychological mechanism, the aspiration for ranking (see 'right to eat'), which is activated in the first contacts with other children.


In the context of human relations the ranking mechanism can be easily seen if we look at the hierarchy of the primitive tribe that was based on the principle of innate roles significance for the tribe’s functioning as a whole viable evolving system. At the top of this pyramid is the urethral chief with an absolute right to distribute prey among the tribe members followed by the olfactory advisorthe audial ideologistthe oral herald, the dermal commanders etc. 

The innate role is defined by the inborn qualities and desires to perfrom it that is a vector. A rank is the 'right to eat', the priority and size of the piece given to a group member when the prey is divided among everybody and the male is not interested in this piece per ce but he sees it as the possibility to feed his female and receive an orgasm in return. So, this 'cherchez la femme' in action, look for a woman behind every man, he would not move a finger without her. 

A fantastic development of humankind and the change of its habitat took place over the fifty thousand years since the primitive group times but the 'right to food according to the table of ranks' is still working in the modern society that to this day remains absolutely hierarchic at all levels. Generally the ranking process happens among males and women rank indirectly through them (the general’s wife is like a general herself). Of course, every rule has its exceptions and we will talk about them some other time. 

Adults have a lot of acceptable ways to make their rank higher, for example, by means of career development, sport achievements, business success (for dermal type individuals), or acknowledgement of professional achievements, honor and respect (for anal type individuals) and so on. As for children, they are yet to master those ways and they will have to do that without any help from their parents who should direct them according to their innate qualities as a child is born with a set of vectors in his archetypical, innate states. This is a starting point from which the child’s psychophysical development begins and it goes on until the end of the child’s puberty age. 

A very important period after infancy which the child spends mainly in its mother’s arms under her protection and a certain natural 'immunity' literally starts when the toddler makes his first independent steps, and, speaking about that, I remember an episode from the country life of the “three big boys” of mine and my sisters’. The eldest one was three and a half years old at the time, the middle one was two, and the youngest hero was about a year old and at first just crawled around on all fours and had definite privileges. His elder cousins caressed him, showed affection and called him Little Nikki. This idyll did not last long. The younger boy lost his special status as soon as he mastered walking on his feet and started participating in common scrimmage-games. As if someone used an invisible switch to turn on the very ranking mechanism that motivates boys from the earliest age. 

Toddlers use the most primitive ways of defining their rank such as taking something from the other toddler, hitting him, biting him, they do not know any other ways yet. It makes no sense to scold or discipline boys for doing it; surely, there is nothing to encourage the children for in this situation either. Gradually the child will start feeling his natural place in the group and using acceptable means of increasing his rank. 

This is the reason it is so important for the child go to pre-school and master communication basics and develop immunity. It is well known how much easier such children adapt at school compared to the children who had domestic education prior to school, and who suddenly have to deal with everything at one time when they get into the first grade: a new system of relations with strange adults, an immunity strike, ranking with other children. 

It is clear according to Vector Systems Psycology that the children who don't attend pre-school are usually visual and audial types, and they have to face the screaming, fighting horror when they get into the first grade and where they become a live target for other students’ bullying along with attacks by teachers. The privilidge in the upper vectors occurring due to an intensive development of their intellectual abilities at the cost of their lower vectors which develop in group games with children of their age results in an imbalance and makes children adaptation much more difficult. 

Sending children to pre-school gives them better opportunities for a timely and balanced physical as well a psychological development.


As the child grows and gets older the circle of his communication gets wider and more complicated. It now includes school, additional special activities, such as sports, street, summer camp, the more options the better. Do not limit him, do not forbid him to deal with either a hyperactive urethral chief, or a lisping talker who loves to swear and gives away lots of information about sex to six-year olds. These are all completely natural and necessary things along with bruises, scratches. How can a boy live without them! 

A group of neighbourhood children is a special place where they learn to live; in a way it is a copy of a primevil group model with all its elements where an attentive viewer with vector systems psychology skills will notice a lot of interesting things. Here is an urethral chief flying out of the doors of his house like a strike of lightning, his eyes shine, his clothes are unbuttoned. He is immediately surrounded by a group of quick, slim dermal types and slow and slumpy anal type boys who all have immediately forgotten that their Moms forbade and they promised not to play with this Billy the Chief. There are slim dermal-visual girls with long legs close to boys, the nurses and day time guardians keeping up completely with the them. A little behind them to the left one can see an olfactory “advisor” with his nose always congested and a wry face, and a bit to the right one can see an audial boy, who is a bit not of this world, and here is the oral talker and laugher, everyone is in their right places and there can be no other way. 

This 'pack' is almost like a real primitive one but not completely as the actual pray is still provided by their parents. Thus the ranking happens in a game or in conditions that are like real battle which allows one to fit in, get used to, feel and find out their conditional rank through the attitude of others. 

Speaking about ranking we should remember that because it is directly connected to the food, to its distribution, to hunting and war, it primarily has to do with the dermal type males, it is important for their innate role to acquire a higher rank. An uretrhal rank is naturally the highest one and it does not need any confirmation, muscular type warriors live as one body and receive their common share in their common pot, while the anal types receive their equal shares for working in the rear. Besides performing their innate part for the benefit of the pack every male has the need to procreate and the only reason for men to fight inside of the pack is struggling for a female. 


Boys also fight for a female in the same way without being aware of it. There is the deeper meaning behind one-on one-fight, which later on adds up with both conflicts with limitation and competition of the dermal boys who create rules of the game and the anal 'we stand up for each other', and urethral 'protecting a girl', and muscular “wall on wall fight” or “street on street fight”. The only exception is the dermal-visual boys who are a new phenomenon, and do not have an archetype and the right to food thus they have no inclination for the 'men games'. 

Gradually children develop and practise various new ways of the interaction with each other, more constructive ones and the number of fights lessens accordingly and the basis for them become more serious. One grows up but the priceless period that is called childhood remain with him with all its steps of landscape adaptation he done or not which are imprinted in his psychological development (or underdevelopment) and that are the basis for his further life. Upon realizing the reason children fight it is not so difficult to conclude that the parents’ task is not to stop their children from fighting or encourage them to do so but to direct and develop the child correctly according to his vectors. This is what the main part of Yuri Burlan’s System-Vector Psychology training is about.

Sign Up for Free Online Training


The article is based on Yuri Burlan's System-Vector Psychology training
Article was read by 5029 people.
Posted on: June 2, 2013
Recommended articles
comments to the article: 0


Post new comment

Login with:

  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.

More information about formatting options