The Incredible Worth of a Wife

Gary Smalley

Genesis 2:18

Discovering the incredible worth of a woman begins by understanding that genuine love is a gift we give. It isn't purchased by actions or contingent upon our emotions. It may carry strong emotional feelings, but isn't supported by them. Rather, to love is a decision we make daily toward someone who is special and valuable to us. As with genuine love, honor is a gift we give to someone. To honor involves making the decision to highly value someone even before we put love into action. In many cases, love often begins to flow once we have made the decision to honor that person.

How do we make love a decision? This question was answered many years ago with the words Jesus spoke to a young lawyer: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind, and love your neighbor as yourself" (Matthew 22:37-40). This verse illustrates three of the highest and most revered aspects of love: loving God, loving others, and finding value in ourselves.

This verse is also the essence of HONORING. We define honor as "A decision we choose to express by placing high value, worth, and importance on another person, viewing that person as a priceless gift, and respectfully granting him or her a place in our lives."

To further clarify honor before we apply it, let's look at what it is not. DISHONORING is "when we choose to treat another person, either consciously or unknowingly, with little worth, weight, or value." When we dishonor people, we consciously or unknowingly treat them with little weight or value. Anger, sarcasm, unjust criticism, unhealthy comparisons, favoritism, inconsistency, jealousy, selfishness, envy, racism, and a host of other ills are "justified" as legal weapons to use against people we consider of little value. The lower the value we attach to people, the easier we can "justify" dishonoring them with our words or treating them with disrespect.

If we're serious about honoring God, our children, and others, we'll begin to combat our natural bent to dishonor them by not taking them lightly. How can we do that? We can begin by understanding two aspects of the honor definition.

1. A Priceless Treasure. "Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" (Matthew 6:21). As this verse explains, we show honor to God and others by viewing them as costly gifts or special treasures. For instance, we can see them as the world's largest diamonds. Let's be honest. Sometimes the decision to treat others as costly gifts has to be made on an hourly basis! When we view someone as a priceless diamond, then our positive feelings for them increase as well. What a rich dividend.

2. A Highly Respected Position. Not only does honor apply to someone we consider a priceless treasure; it can be used for someone who occupies a highly respected position, someone high on our priority list. However, what if you do not "feel" like granting a person respect? The good news is that positive feelings usually follow the decision to honor someone. What place do your mate and children feel they have in your life? If we want honor to shine bright at home then we will make sure our family feels like a number-one priority!

How can we begin to treasure our family in a practical way that will show them how valuable they are? Here are a few suggestions to help you begin a life-long journey for applying honor in your home. 1. Recognize the incredible worth of a woman. One way to show honor to your wife is by understanding that she has some tremendously valuable differences. Here are some common differences between men and women:

Most men seek

  • Facts
  • Solutions
  • Objective thinking
  • More distance

Most women seek:

  • Feelings, intuition
  • Sympathy, relationship
  • Personal involvement
  • Closeness










Originally posted on Crosswalk November 17, 2007.

(c) 2005 The Smalley Relationship Center.

Originally published July 23, 2011.

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