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Top Effects of Attachment Styles on Adult Relationships


One day while sitting and sipping coffee with my partner I was discussing the upbringing we should give to our children, we discussed about the influence of attachment and bond which a child has with his parents. He said, What is the influence of this bond over the course of lives of child and how to make it better - or can we change it at first?

After some research, she found that we are born to bond with our primary caregiver (mother in most cases) in a preprogrammed way. The child is born with same feeling and emotions and has same set of emotional experiences like intense fear, anger, sadness, and joy. The emotional connect with the caregiver and infant is the first interactive relationship and it relies a lot on nonverbal communication.

I read through some of the research journals that there are high chances of the confusion, frightening, broken communication expereinced during infancy and childhood to spill over in adult behaviour as well. It can limit the adults ability to establish a successful relationship. What a miss, we all had - which is no more in control. How one reacts and marks the success or failure of future intimate relationships depends on the existence of infancy attachment and bond. This primordal bond can help maintain emotional balance, enjoy being ourselves and in coping from disappointment, discouragement and failure.

My spouse suddenly said, buddy we are talking about Attachment Theory. I said, now what is that?

Theory of Attachment Styles

The kinds of relationships and attachments which a person experiences during the nascent years of life with their primary caregivers, defines the kinds of relationships we form in adult years. There are about three to four types of attachment patterns in infants - as studies in a research conducted by behaviour scientists.

1. Secure attachment style
2. Anxious/ambivalent attachment style
3. Avoidance attachment style

These styles are converted to secure, preoccupied, fearful and dismissing type of adult attachment styles. Hence the way we bring up children and the way the child is given emotional connect in a family shapes the future of the adult the child becomes. This attachment style and ability to make relationships stays with us forever untill it is changes by therapeutic intervention.

What are the traits of Adult relationships?

My spouse asked me do I have Attachment security? I said Yes, without knowing what it is. The definition of Attachment Security says, it is the comfort and support which one partner gives to another in the times of emotionally difficulty. My answer changed to Yes/No/Maybe.

When the basic needs of a relationship like comfort, closeness or security are compromised, it creates Attachment Injuries, which can act as barriers to the secure relationship.

Do not worry and think you have coded Attachment styles which cannot change. The styles learned during the early years can be changed which can redefine the couple relationship. There are things like corrective emotional experiences which can help in learning more "secure" attachment styles.

Benefits of Secure Attachment style

The best part about secure attachment bond is that it can shapes our abilities to:

1. feel safe and secure
2. help connect and develop meaningful relations
3. see and explore the world around us
4. deal with stress, anxiety, disoriented emotions, etc.
5. create positive and loving memories

Sometimes crying or laughing
are the only options left,
and laughing feels better right now.

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