


Shannon Nolan Broe died with a terrible secret.


Shannon's family knew she was pregnant, but they didn't know how she had suffered. Broe had battered Shannon into silence.

Yet there was a silent witness – a pile of letters from Broe that chart a downward spiral of intimate partner violence – domestic abuse.

A collection of those letters can be read at the bottom of this story. Below are excerpts of the letters with commentary from Scott Bresler, a forensic psychologist in the University of Cincinnati's Department of Forensic Psychiatry, who obtained some of the letters from Sherry Nolan, Shannon's mother.

John Broe will be in prison for the rest of his life, but that wasn't enough for Nolan and her family. They wanted to prevent others from suffering as Shannon did. So Bresler, the Nolans and others are using the letters to show the stages of intimate partner violence.

Those in a relationship should review this information seriously and remember recent local events: Rebecca Eldemire shot dead by an ex-boyfriend in Oxford, and Misty Seylhouwer, shot at by her husband in Madeira.

Related: Teach kids early about healthy relationships

Related: Yes, abusers can change, with work

Don't be next.

We hope by printing these letters, you might evaluate your relationship and ask yourself: Am I Shannon?

John Broe's letters to his girlfriend and later wife Shannon Nolan show classic signs of intimate partner violence, says Bresler. Below are the nine stages of such violence, illustrated by sections of the letters saved by Shannon.

The stages are warning flags of a relationship that's spiraling into violence, emotional terror and subjugation.

If you see your partner and yourself in these letters, seek help. "The most important piece is finding someone to whom you can speak, from whom you can feel loved and supported," Bresler says.

Stage 1: Wonderful and intense relationship

John Broe Loves Shannon Nolan -- John Broe Loves Shannon Nolan -- John Broe Loves Shannon Nolan -- John Broe Loves Shannon Nolan -- John Broe Loves Shannon Nolan -- John Broe Loves Shannon Nolan …

What it feels like: He's so interested in you. He flatters you. He tells you all his secrets. He wants to spend the rest of his life with you. He seems so devoted.

Broe and Shannon: Broe plasters his letters to Shannon with repetitive reminders of his love.

Bresler's commentary: "It looks obsessive compulsive. She's the object of his desire and he's completely obsessed with that."

Stage: 2: Control

I don't know whether to apologize for asking you about (redacted name) or not -- because (redacted name) used to talk about you & him doing "things" all of the time and I just wanted to know whether or not it was true, because I really didn't think (redacted name) would lie & now that you've said nothing went on, then nothing did.

What it feels like: He demands your loyalty, watches carefully to make sure you're staying true. He wants to make decisions for you and he expects you to follow his direction.

Broe and Shannon: Broe often writes about how jealous he is, then apologizes.

Bresler's commentary: "It's sort of like he's going through the motions of saying what he thinks she needs to hear to pull her back in."

Stage 3: Commitment

Do you know what it going to happen in just 29 days? I do, it is going to be a one year dating anniversary. Will you do me the honor of letting me be your boyfriend? Do you remember that? Ha, ha, ha, ha.

What it feels like: You adjust to the jealousy, the attention, the control. You're happier now. At least, you think you are. You're committed to him. What could go wrong?

Broe and Shannon: Amid lines of obsession and apology, Broe reinforces to Shannon the role he plays in her life.

Bresler's commentary: "You have this whole issue of marking important milestones. Only he can be for her, locking her in, so to speak."

Stage 4: Emotional and psychological abuse

I'm sorry for calling you certain things such as a g------ n----- and other crap.

What it feels like: This is what you should wear, you hear. This is how you should do your hair. Stop seeing that friend. You're ugly. You're a failure. He gets angry if you don't measure up. It's always your fault.

Broe and Shannon: Broe insults Shannon, who is biracial, with slurs. He comments on her intelligence. He draws pictures of her face, mocking her teeth.

Bresler's commentary: "He needs to be elevated. Putting her down elevates him."

Stage 5: Physical abuse

I'm sorry again for biting you. I'm sorry for putting you in that headlock in the gym and popping your neck.

What it feels like: The violence. The bruises. It doesn't stop, even after he apologizes. You wonder: Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I did something to deserve this.

Broe and Shannon: Broe made light of how he hurt Shannon, even as he swore his forgiveness and sought to explain why he did what he did. Sometimes it seemed like he enjoyed writing the details.

Bresler's commentary: "It's not, 'I'm sorry I was abusive to you.' But he's in a strange way reliving the experience through the apology. There's a chilling kind of quality to these letters."

Stage: 6: Psychological and physical abuse

I don't know why I keep harping on this BITING thing, but it is just something to (I guess) annoy you with. I won't do it. And I'm sorry for biting your derriere. I won't do it again (do you want me to kiss it and make it all better?) haha. Sorry! Couldn't resist, but if you want me to, I'll understand.

What it feels like: It must be you, right? You must figure out what to do differently, you think. He keeps saying it's your fault. He must be right.

Broe and Shannon: Broe's letters to Shannon are filled with his attempts to shift blame for his actions away from himself and toward Shannon, her friends and family.

Bresler's commentary: Broe again almost gloats about the pain he's caused, in a way blaming Shannon or others. "You would hope he would take that seriously, and he probably left a significant bruise, and then he makes light of it."

Stage: 7: Isolation

It's just when you get in a bad mood you just say things you don't mean. Most of the time I'm just kidding when I say I dont want you talking to people. You always take it 100% seriously. I don't want to break up. I just don't want to hear people put me down anymore.

What it feels like: Where are you going? Who are you seeing? No, you can't see them. He's always so suspicious, so demanding. Maybe it's best if you just stop seeing those friends, those family members, you think.

Broe and Shannon: Broe's letters to Shannon are peppered with demands that she keep people out of her life and say how jealous he is that she's with other people, even female friends.

Bresler's commentary: "He's not kidding. He's dead serious. ... He's dead serious."

Stage 8: Emotional conflict/confusion

Caption: "ugly-ass-toothy-smile"

What it feels like: You just don't know any more. You want to understand what's going on in your relationship, but it just seems too confusing.

Broe and Shannon: Broe festoons a number of his letters to Shannon with crude drawings of her face, pointing out facial marks, and mocking the size of her teeth and how her smile looks.

Bresler's commentary: Again, the undermining, by mocking her appearance, further works to undercut Shannon.

Stage 9: Dominance

I'm sorry for choking you i wasn't trying to, all i wanted to do was get your attention.

What it feels like: His threats are always there, his words taunt. His hands hurt. He's keeping you in line, he says. It happens a lot. So much.

Broe and Shannon: At many points in his letters, Broe doesn't even attempt to mask why he thinks he's doing what he does to Shannon.

Bresler's commentary: "This follows the S&M theme a little bit – 'If you really didn't want me to do this to you, why would you let me do this to you?'... This is not even watered down. This is just straightforward – you deserve it because of the things you do and say, or the things you don't do or say. That's what you're getting here, blaming the victim."

Help for domestic violence victims

Do you see yourself in the nine stages of domestic violence?

There is help for you. Don't stay quiet. Are you immediate danger? Call 911 now.


The United Way Helpline, 24-hour hotline: 211

Hamilton County

YWCA 24-hour hotline: 513-872-9259, 888-872-9259 (toll free)

Women Helping Women, 24-hour crisis line: 513-381-5610

Clermont County

YWCA: 513-753-7281, 888-540-4764 (toll free)

Northern Kentucky

Women's Crisis Center 24-hour hotline: 800-928-3335 (toll free)


National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233 (24 hours; toll free)

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