Lighter Side

September 16th, 2002

Why Things Don't Work
New Element Discovered: ADMINISTRATIUM.
Source Unknown

A major research institution has announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. This new element has been tentatively named "Administratium." Administratium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 111 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.


Since Administratium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every other element with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Administratium can cause one reaction to take over 4 days to complete when it would normally take less than a second.

Administratium has a normal half-life of 3 years; it does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Administratium's mass actually increases over time, since each reorganization causes some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Administratium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. Such quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass."

You will know it when you see it.

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