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Nighttime fears: Why they happen and what to do about them

by Trisha Thompson
Last updated: June 2012

Why does my child have so many nighttime fears?

Bedtime fears – the dark, monsters under the bed, and sleeping alone – are all common at this age. These are the years when your child's powers of imagination are exploding, which means that now he can imagine new and scary things to be afraid of. And because he spends a good portion of his day immersed in fantasy play (in the company of dragons and dinosaurs and bad guys), it can be hard for him to shut off his imagination at bedtime and go to sleep.

Even familiar things that have never been scary before, like his darkened bedroom, may suddenly seem frightening against the backdrop of what he's been conjuring up all day. And your child is still learning to distinguish fantasy from reality, so the possibility of an invisible creature under his bed seems quite real to him.

"Nighttime fear – of the dark, of separation from parents, of noises, and of bad people doing bodily harm – is a normal developmental stage that goes on much longer than parents expect, starting around age 2 and going until age 8 or 9," says Patricia Sheets, a professor of counseling education at the University of Alabama at Birmingham.

In addition to having a more vivid imagination, preschoolers are also beginning to grasp that there are things in the world that can hurt them. Your job for the next ten years or so is to help your child understand the difference between a real danger (accepting a ride from a stranger) and something that just feels like one (the "witch" in the space between the wall and his bed).

What can I do to help my child get over his nighttime fears?

You may not be able to help him completely resolve his fears right now (because it's mostly a stage he'll have to grow out of), but there is a lot you can do to help him cope with his fears and get to sleep more easily.

In the hours before bed, prime your child with happy stories or videos. (You've undoubtedly noticed how dark some fairy tales and fairy tales and animated movies can be.) Don't watch violent or suspenseful television shows or movies while he's still in the room.

Establish a peaceful evening routine that includes, for example, a warm bath, a gentle story, a quiet song, and a few minutes of you sitting quietly by his bed while he settles. Ask your librarian for a list of storybooks about kids dealing with bedtime fears or see which bedtime books other BabyCenter members recommend. (One perennial favorite to add to your list is Bedtime for Frances by Russell Hoban.)

The lulling sameness of a bedtime ritual serves as a talisman of sorts, warding off evildoers and bad thoughts and easing the transition from wide-awake to sound asleep. A night-light may also make your child feel more secure. You can also give him a flashlight of his own to use for a little extra security.

Leaving the bedroom door ajar, playing story CDs or lullabies, and encouraging your child to sleep with a beloved toy or blanket may also help. If your child has a sibling or even a pet, letting them bunk together can make nighttime fears vanish as suddenly as they appeared.

If your child is afraid of being alone and is comforted only by contact with you, consider using a two-way baby monitor. Newer models let your child talk into the monitor and hear you talk back, reassuring him that you're still there even when you're out of sight.

Granted, this privilege may be easily abused, and its constant use can get tedious. But it could be a way to keep a nervous child in his bed while you get to be somewhere else, and the novelty of overuse should wear off within a few nights. After that, just keeping the monitor on your child's nightstand may be comfort enough.

And don't worry about having your child sleep with you for a while, just until his nighttime fears subside and he's off to another developmental challenge. As long as everyone's happy and rested, it's time well spent.

Member Comments
sarasilly1 says
I like a lot of your ideas to prepare a child for bed, especially having a routine every night that is predictable. Dr. Rutherford (clinical psychologist) suggests http://ConversationsWithMyMother.com/afraid-of-the-dark-and-clingy-behavior/ and http://ConversationsWithMyMother.com/help-my-child-is-afraid-to-go-to-sleep-at-night/ actually speaking with the scary monsters with your child, banishing them from the child's room. It's amazing how well this works!
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11.13.2013  |  12:00 PM
When my son was scared to go to sleep, we found a story about bedtime that helped. He asks for it every night now and it still works so it's worth repeating. The jist of the story is that as you go to sleep, your home becomes a spaceship that floats quietly through space. Autopilot controls everything so all is safe and everyone in the ship can rest. Give it a try! It's called Bedtime Spaceship on amazon. http://www.amazon.com/Star-Flights-Bedtime-Spaceship-Drifting-ebook/dp/B00FKC1RH8/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1383929820&sr=8-1&keywords=bedtime+spaceship
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11.08.2013  |  9:00 AM
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