Caring for someone with depression

Depression is a surprisingly common disorder. Find out how you can offer support.

A woman depressed
Simon PotterGetty Images

Depression can touch all of us

Depression is a surprisingly common disorder. Something like one in every five adults will suffer from it during their lifetime. Two million new cases are diagnosed every year in the UK.

The condition affects all age groups, though women are twice as likely to experience it as men.

There is also evidence that depression has become more common in recent years largely due to the increasing levels of stress that we are all confronted with on a daily basis.

Many factors contribute to the onset of true clinical depression. But whatever the cause, it all boils down to this: at some stage and to some extent, you, personally, are probably going to need to care for someone close to you with depression, even if you are lucky enough never to suffer from it yourself.

Caring is a vital role

It is far from easy to care for a depressed person. The results and rewards in the long term are usually wonderful, but in the initial stages it is often an uphill and thankless task.

Your role as a carer requires immense patience and perseverance, but ultimately it could prove essential to a person's recovery and could even save someone's life.

However sympathetic and up-to-date the doctors and nurses may be, they simply cannot be there 24 hours a day to observe every small alteration in someone's behaviour or mood. But this is where you, as the carer, can help.


Depression is different from most medical conditions in that sufferers with depression rarely seek or welcome support.

Typical of the disorder is a conviction of guilt and worthlessness, poor self-esteem and apathy.

Together with emotional numbness, self-imposed isolation and pervasive gloominess, the depressed person's state of mind is very hard to get through to; you may find it hard to get your offers of help and support accepted.

Moreover, depression, regrettably, remains stigmatised by society.

It seems perfectly acceptable to be off work and incapacitated by a broken leg, but not with depression.

But if the carer has a good understanding of the symptoms of classical depression and knows how best to deal with them when nobody else wants to know, many of the barriers which depression erects in the face of assistance can be overcome.

Recognising depression

Depression comes in different forms.

Sometimes it is a reaction to some sudden and unexpected life event (acute depression), but it can also come on gradually for no obvious reason.

In both types certain symptoms are evident. Low, despairing moods and tearfulness are common.

There is a general loss of interest in work, hobbies and pastimes. Emotions are blunted and life doesn't seem worth living. Their concentration may be poor and their memory unreliable. Anxiety and restlessness are common.

In severe cases there may be delusions, hallucinations and suicidal thoughts or impulses.

Physically, waking up in the night or early in the morning is typical.

There may be a loss of appetite and weight, constant tiredness, hypochondriasis and reduced libido.

In bipolar depression, otherwise known as manic depression, the depressive symptoms alternate with mania – where high moods, excitement and elation give sufferers excess energy, rapid speech, less need for sleep and wild, racing thoughts and impulses.

In postnatal depression, which affects up to 15 per cent of women up to two years after childbirth, strong feelings of isolation, inadequacy, exhaustion and alienation from their baby are common.

What not to say

Well-meant comments like 'you can't be sad, you've everything to live for' and crass ones such as 'pull yourself together' and 'snap out of it' are totally unhelpful.

A depressed person does not have the ability to 'snap out of it'.

Nobody chooses to be depressed or gains anything from the symptoms, and if they only could just 'snap out of it' they certainly would. Sensitivity and patience are paramount.

Offering support

Start by talking to the depressed person about their problems and feelings. Approach it sympathetically and listen carefully even if what they tell you is patently not true or painfully misguided.

Try not to offer bland, groundless reassurance or spur-of-the-moment advice, and encourage them to talk to their GP. Accept the way they see the world at present – you won't be able to change their mood through logical argument, much as you may want to.

Reassure them however that medical treatment is very effective and that there really is light at the end of the tunnel. Once you've talked, keep in regular touch, be available and see if there is any practical help you can provide right now.

Accompany them to the doctor's appointment if it helps, but don't be tempted to take over completely – a person with depression is going to need to make decisions for themselves again as soon as possible.

Monitoring progress

Remember that it is going to take just as long for the patient to get well again as it may have taken to become gradually depressed. So keep an eye on them frequently and assess progress.

If you're worried they've taken a turn for the worse, call their doctor.

You may also be in a good position to make further appointments, collect and deliver prescriptions, dish out the correct number of tablets, observe any side-effects and reinforce any on-going psychotherapy.

While medical treatment is best left to the doctors, there is no reason why a carer cannot introduce the patient to complementary therapies if appropriate.

St John's wort is one of the best researched herbal remedies, with some reasonable evidence supporting its use in depression. Yet current NICE guidelines do not recommend its use because of these on-going concerns about appropriate doses, duration of effect, variation in preparations and potential for serious drug interactions.

Pet therapy, reflexology and aromatherapy for example are all great ways to relax, as well as being gentle and safe.

Threats of self-harm or suicide

Some 3000 suicides a year occur in England and Wales as a result of depression, so never take suicidal gestures or thoughts lightly.

Many attempts at deliberate self-harm are simply a cry for help but they often signify serious depression and need to be referred for urgent professional help.

If the person concerned suggests that they have ever contemplated 'ending it', or spoken of how they might do it, you cannot take on this responsibility alone. You need to obtain immediate help.

Emergency and crisis

Life can be full of unexpected hard knocks for everyone; for a depressed person, it doesn't always take much to push them right over the edge.

In an emergency situation, call their GP, the Samaritans (08457 90 90 90) or take them to the nearest casualty department.

Sometimes a psychiatric nurse or doctor can even visit them at home, especially if they are already receiving treatment from a hospital team.

Some hospitals have Crisis Management Centres on constant standby just for these sorts of situations.

Your needs

Caring for someone with depression can be rewarding but it is also arduous and taxing. A devoted carer can easily get sucked into the situation, to the extent that their own health and welfare begins to suffer.

So, step back and delegate some of the support to others. If you don't look after yourself you'll soon become unable to look after your 'patient', so getting exhausted helps nobody.

Ensure adequate sleep, rest and exercise and refer to professionals whenever and wherever appropriate.

Other sources of help

There are many sources of help and support for depressed people and those who care for them, with some of the most notable being the Samaritans, MIND and Cruse Bereavement Care.

Carers, in combination with these charities, doctors and nurses, can combine to make an essential contribution to helping a depressed person overcome their disorder and feel well again.

Other people also read:

Talking to your GP about depression: why should you see my GP.


How to choose a private therapist: where do you start?



Based on a text by Dr Hilary Jones, GP

Last updated 27.07.2011

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below
More From Healthy mind