Things Which Should Not Exist


Analog Clocks: These should go the way of sundials. As soon as we had clocks, people got rid of their sundials. Did people try to make their clocks look like sundials? No. So why should a smart watch look like an analog clock? It shouldn’t. We should switch to digital and save our children the slight difficulty of learning how to tell time.

Libraries: A lot of valuable real-estate is being wasted storing these books. What’s worse is the potential energy available in the books is just sitting there unused! Imagine if we were to burn all the books in all the library in the world, we could power a village for several hours! Let’s switch to book power and stop using oil!

CAPS LOCK: The caps lock key has only ever had one use in my life: turning off caps lock after I’ve accidentally switched it on. It could be replaced with many other more useful keys such as: Home, End, Print Screen, Volume up/down, or even a key which does absolutely nothing. If you type capitals by pressing caps lock before and after typing the capital instead of just pressing the shift key once: Learn to fucking type!

Newspapers: Everyone gets their news on their phones these days. Think of all the potential power we could harness from burning the newspapers instead of reading them. Down with oil!

Stickers on Fruit: Do you really need a sticker to tell you that this long yellow object is indeed a banana? I don’t and I sure don’t like biting into a sticker when I’m quickly eating an apple on the go.

Cheese Pizza: The only people who don’t like meat on their pizza are vegetarians. If you’re a vegetarian and you don’t like veggies on your pizza, then what the fuck do you eat?

Hangovers: We have medical technologies that can eradicate so many diseases. Thousands of university students suffer every day from the effects of hangovers. Imagine a hangover vaccine: a one-time mandatory shot given to all first year students during frosh week which prevents all hangovers. This would increase the productivity of everyone on Saturday morning, resulting in smarter graduates, better equipped for the real world. Finally, with the help of the hangover vaccine, these young graduates will have the power to change the world!

Swimsuits: Have you ever tried swimming naked? It’s so much better, plus you save the $30 it costs for the swimsuit.

Oil: Oil is destroying the environment and feeding into an American consumerist economy which exploits people in less developed countries, ultimately killing humanity. It has also made pandas almost extinct. We could easily switch away from oil simply by burning books, newspaper and other paper products, and therefore save the trees!