Should spanking be illegal?

Dr. Lisa Dana

posted: February 6, 2012, 10:02 pm


Research published in the Canadian Medical Association Journal (CMAJ,) reveals that spanking increases aggression in kids and can affect their long term emotional and social development.

After reviewing 20 years of research, the conclusion is that physical punishment can result in childhood aggression, teen and young adult delinquency, and spousal assault.

Michael Smith of MedPageToday asks the important question: “Did aggressive, difficult children get punished or did punishment lead to aggression?” Joan Durrant and Ron Ensom, the lead researchers, respond to this question by noting that parents who were taught to decrease their use of physical punishment, found a decrease in difficult behavior in their children.

In an interview with Joan Durant, Time Healthland reports that “children who are physically punished get more aggressive over time and those who are not physically punished get less aggressive over time.”

Sweden, in 1979, was the first country to prohibit the physical punishment of children. Since then, several other countries have also banned the corporal punishment of children. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) strongly opposes striking a child for any reason.

Most toddler behaviors are developmentally appropriate and NOT naughty. When disciplining toddlers, I remind parents that “NO” in a stern voice should be reserved for hitting, biting or danger. Many toddler behaviors are age appropriate, and should be discussed or redirected but not punished with a spank or a swat. BabyCenter has more tips on how to handle toddler behaviors.

With this research, we know that spanking will contribute to aggression and anti-social behaviors. Will this information change the way that you discipline your children? Do you think spanking should be illegal in the United States?


Sources: Time Healthland, MedPageToday, CMAJ

90 Responses to Should spanking be illegal?

  1. Shawnda says:

    Absolutely not! In most cases there are better ways to discipline than spanking, but if my child does something to endanger himself I will absolutely spank him! In some cases children need something more than a time-out to get their attention. I find it disturbing that the AAP has decided how I should parent my child.

  2. Angeline says:

    Spanking, when done appropriately, works. This study I’m sure lumps all forms of spanking in together.

  3. WhoKnewIt says:

    Another “study” that is useless. Part of today’s issues with kids is that there has been way to much “discussion and redirecting”. I “redirected” with a swat on the backside…note I didn’t say spanking, beating etc. One well placed swat gets the attention of just about any child over the age of 3! I had 3 boys, when their behavior became obnoxious, dangerous, disrespectful they got a swat. Chances are that was remembered much longer than a “discussion” or a “time-out”. And I’m sorry, I don’t believe a swat on the behind causes aggression, but allowing a child to hit you or be disrespectful causes any number of other issues…most leading up to being a brat and not respecting the parental authority. The medical people and the government need to stay out of the parenting business…WAY OUT.

    My 3 boys were swatted when needed, spoken to when that would work for them and at times given “time out”. The lessons learned from that swat stayed with them. They are 3 very well adjusted and behaved men, very social, good husbands and fathers, attend church and all have good jobs. It never did them a bit of harm…

  4. BD says:

    I would like everyone who is pro-spanking to consider this: It is illegal to in ANY way hit your parents. Your spouse. Your co-worker. Some random person on the street. The law needs to protect the smallest and most vulnerable in our society, and I stand by that regardless of the rantings that come my way from my pro-spanking family and friends. There is NO “right way” to hit your child. Ever.

  5. Tigger says:

    Oh for the love of – parents are already afraid to spank their children for fear of having CPS called on them. Parents don’t discipline their children in any manner out of fear. I was spanked as a kid, as were most children of my generation (or so I gather). Our parents were spanked, their parents were spanked. It’s worked forever. Why do they NOW think it causes damage? I tell you what, you discipline your child as you see fit (providing it doesn’t cross over into actual abuse territory) and I will do the same with mine.

  6. Maya says:

    I’m flabbergasted when I hear parents defending their “right to spank”. I understand that parenting is difficult sometimes, and that some children are certainly far more stubborn than others. I really believe there is always a better way than hitting your child to get a point across.

  7. BD says:

    I think it should be illegal. And this coming from someone raised in a conservative, pro-spanking christian household.

  8. BD says:

    *is coming from

  9. BabyJsMommy says:

    No, I don’t think it should be illegal. Hitting, beating or being abusive should never be tolerated, and these are not the same as spanking. Ideally, spanking is a consistent consequence that happens when a child willingly crosses an established, understood boundary. It is NOT about the parents and their emotions.

    You can clearly see the difference between spanking and abuse by the way the child interacts with their parents. Children who understand they have broken a rule on purpose and are spanked for it have a loving relationship with their parents, they are not afraid or timid, they are freely affectionate with their words and gestures. There are healthy American families that raise healthy and well-adjusted children who use spanking as a tool in their children’s early years who find it successful. But it’s up to the parents to decide to use this method, not the government.

    Again, abuses and misuses are in a totally different category.

  10. Tricia says:

    I am personally mostly against spanking. However, that being said, I have a toddler who is 14 months and not walking yet and therefore not getting into too much trouble. Yet. Luckily for me. I might change my mind in 2 years when I have two kids under 3, or when my daughter finally starts walking for real and getting into trouble.

    I was spanked as a child, but it was infrequent and probably mostly deserved. After about 3 dad-spankings, I learned that it was better to do whatever it was because dad-spankings HURT. Mom-spankings…not so much. So she had to resort to other unpleasant things like cobwebbed corners (spiders frightened me as a kid).

    It doesn’t say in the article, but I wonder if there’s a difference between how spanking is handled in the family. Does the punishment fit the crime, or did Mommy or Daddy finally just reach the limit of their patience for the day? Is it worse if spankings are administered in a rage or in a calm manner (assuming that the pain of the spanking is equal in either case)? Most people will agree that it’s a bad idea to fly off the handle and spank your child…but I’m not sure that it’s any better to premeditate a spanking. Does it teach kids that it’s okay to think for a while about if it’s okay to spank/hit and then decide it’s fine and do it?

    Finally, I think spanking is a kind of the “an eye for an eye” punishment. I do not think it’s appropriate to bite my daughter when she bites me to “teach her a lesson”. She needs to learn to not bite, but it seems counterproductive to teach her to not bite by biting. My plan is to use my authority as the parent to set limits on my daughter’s behavior, not my hand and not my rage-induced screaming either.

    People always quote the “Spare the rod, spoil the child” proverb, but I wonder if the rod might mean “discipline” more than “spanking”.

  11. Stacy says:

    Spanking does not equal hitting or abuse. Spanking is an interrupter of out of control behavior effectively shocking a child out of it and is a deliberate, in control act by the parent. Spanking, when used correctly, establishes clear consequences to misbehavior. If a child sticks their finger in a light socket and gets shocked, you can bet the child isn’t going to stick their finger in the light socket again. It’s part of how we learn what our boundaries are. If a parent chooses not to use spanking, that’s fine, but don’t vilify parents who do use spanking to discipline their children.

    I question the validity of this research.

  12. M.Daniel says:

    So I can hit my wife to “control her behavior”, as long as it’s in a “loving way”? These justifications for spanking are eerily close to the ones used by men who hit their wives or girlfriends. There are women who don’t appear afraid or timid who are also hit by their partner. It’s disturbing how our society condemns one situation then justifies the other. Excuses like “that’s the only thing to get them to understand” or “it’s not hitting, it’s spanking if its on the leg/arm/behind” don’t fly with me. I’m appalled by men who feel the way to raise a family involves hitting their spouse OR children in any way, shape or form.

  13. DB says:

    Spanking should not be illegal (belting or beating up is different and is illegal ie child abuse).

    A light smack on the hand or bottom when a child does something dangerous or when nothing else works does not harm a child in fact I believe the lack of discipline with our younger generations is causing a lot of the anti social teen and young adult behavior. If some of these people were set boundaries as young children we may not have the crime we have today

  14. Beth says:

    I don’t think that spanking is per se child abuse. I can’t hit my spouse but I also can’t confine him against his will or hold him down while I wash his genitals. There are a lot of things that you can only do legally if you’re doing them to your own kid, that doesn’t make them child abuse.

    On the flip side, a child who is never spanked does not equal a child who is never disciplined or parents who are afraid to discipline their child. I hate the argument that the problem with the world today is parents are afraid to discipline their children and then the comment goes on to use “discipline” and spanking interchangeably.

    After nannying for several years and working in a preschool and seeing how a lot of different people parent and how their kids behave, my person conclusion is that spanking is neither necessary for good discipline nor harmful. Perhaps being spanked makes a particular child more aggressive (I’m curious how they define that) but if you put a researcher in a room with a dozen children, I highly doubt they could guess who is spanked or not based on behavior.

    The biggest reason not to make spanking illegal in my mind is it’s not going to stop it, it’s only going to make parents teach their kids to keep it secret which sets kids up for even greater risks in the future.

  15. Anna says:

    I have very mixed views about spanking. I have three children. The oldest, 6, went through a typical ‘difficult’ stage around 3 and 4, but I could usually manage his behaviour verbally. My middle child, 4 at the moment, is very, very stubborn, and sometimes spanking is the only way make him realise that a particular action is wrong.

    I also remember being spanked as a child. I haven’t grown up aggressive. I do, however, remember my sister being spanked when she was a little too old for that punishment. It’s that spanking that has stayed in my mind. My father was tired and obviously not completely in control. I have learnt from that that two factors are probably important – to not carry spanking on too long, and to never do it out of anger. I can’t say I always follow the second of those rules, but I do try my best to.

  1. Elizabeth says:

    Tigger- It is “now” causing such damage because of the way parents spank. Not necessarily the contact they make with their child, but the fact that it is a reaction and not an action. Spanking is often done out of anger, and that is what children are learning. It is done in the heat of the moment out of haste and frustration, demonstrating to the child that when we feel frustrated, overwhelmed, or angry, we should hit someone else. Nowadays many parents are lacking so many other parenting skills and rely on this action much too often, hence the change in how it is affecting our kids. I know this is an extreme example… but let me share this. Before I had my twins, I was a child and family therapist. I got a call from the mother of an 8 year old patient for an emergency appt. At school, the boy lashed out and hit another kid, got sent home, and could not return until a mental health professional deemed him “safe”. I asked the mother how she responded to this and she stated, “After I picked him up I beat his ***.” I asked how the boy responded to that. her reply? “He punched me.” I can’t tell you how badly I wanted to say “Congratulations, you’ve taught your son very well” because indeed that little boy had learned the lesson his mother presented to him.

  2. Erin says:

    I hardly ever spank. In fact, my 10 year old has never been spanked. My 6 year old has on 2 occasions. I don’t like to use spanking, and only use it in certain situations. I don’t think it should be illegal…just don’t abuse it.

  3. Kim says:

    I agree with BD…. I couldn’t have said it better myself. Also I couldn’t ever strike my child, many children have been hurt by being spanked because the parent hit them in the wrong spot becasue they moved. I am a person who was spanked as a child which almost always resulted in a mark in me! Spanking should never be an option, especially with all these kids going missing and suspicion rests on “maybe it was accidental” and parents hid body

  4. I always feel really hesitant about this topic. Surely there are many kids that grow up with spankings and are none the worse for it. But, I totally agree with BD and think it’s well said. If I hit my husband, I can be charged with domestic violence. Why is it OK because it’s my kid? In addition, I think we should be what we teach. I occasionally will swat at my pets if they are being rotten, and even that I’ve completely cut out. My daughter is 15 months old– how is she supposed to know that this kind of hitting is OK, but another kind is not? She doesn’t. Kids are literal, black and white, and learn from example. I want her to know IT’S NOT OK TO HIT. Therefore, I will not be spanking her to correct her.

  5. joe says:

    Spare the rod, spoil the child. I’m very thankful that my parents spanked me as a child because the other methods didn’t always work. Did they try other things like time outs, grounding, etc, yes they did. Those methods had their place and they worked, but not all the time. Was I ever injured, no. Do I carry emotional baggage in my adulthood, just the opposite. I know that my parents loved me enough to do the hard thing. And that’s just it, spanking me was a hard thing for them because it was done out of love, not anger.

    Now my wife was spanked only once that she can remember due to the fact that just a look in her direction when she knew she was guilty broke her heart. Children like her shouldn’t be spanked.

    So I guess what I’m saying is that all people are different, kids and adults. Some kids need spankings just as some adults need jail time to get their attention. If the punishment meets the crime and the end result is a better person, why try to take that away.

  6. jenw says:

    Butt the hell out. When I come to your house (whomever “you” may be) and tell you how to parent then you can come to mine and tell me how to parent.

  7. HappyHippy says:

    When you spank your child you are teaching him/her that it’s ok to hit people who are smaller than you.

    I was spanked. Does it lead to aggression? Heck yeah. I LOVED my parents, but when I was spanked, it enraged me and I wanted to hit back. I held it in around my parents, but took it out on everyone and everything later, which got me into more trouble, including picking fights with older, bigger kids. It looked like standing up to bullies, but it was really a way to channel aggression and act out on the dream of hitting a big person back. My mother has said more than once she wished she had understood then that there were better ways than the ones her parents used. She hates that she spanked us. My husband was never spanked, and he and his brothers and sisters are amazingly patient people. They always had to reason through and explain back to their parents what they did wrong, why it was wrong, and what they could have done better next time. It worked for his family, and it works for ours.

    This is how you teach your children right and wrong, how to reason through and control their emotions, and how to make good choices.

    Think about it this way – when I was in elementary school, it was ok for teachers and principals to spank kids with paddles (our principal’s had holes drilled into it to maximize the “sting”), hit our hands with rulers, make us stand balancing books on our raised hands until we dropped them and were THEN smacked with a ruler, and made to stand on tiptoes with our noses pressed in a circle drawn on the blackboard – just barely out of reach – humiliating, painful torture that took place in front of the whole class. We wouldn’t dream of allowing that in a classroom today. I can only hope that parental spanking will soon be looked at as another archaic and barbaric thing we have left behind.

  8. McMom says:

    I know plenty of loving, attentive parents who do, on occasion spank their children. I do not in any way believe this makes them bad parents. But it’s not something that we employ, and I think any line of reason that says a parent who spanks has more disciplined children is faulty. I’m probably more of a hardass than people I know who spank. It’s just not the right measure of how disciplined a child is.
    I honestly don’t know what’s “right” in terms of legalities, but I think realistically sometime in the next generation or two, we should expect corporal punishment will be illegal in MANY more countries, including the US.

  9. Kris says:

    I think it’s just aggressive, difficult children get spanked more. I was spanked as a child and was never aggressive. My brother as well. I have a hard time trusting studies.

  10. K says:

    I also agree with BD. I don’t want my kids to think that just because I am bigger than they are, it’s OK for me to hit them. When my husband does something that angers me, I don’t hit him.

  11. Mom in MA says:

    I have spanked my almost-5-y-o twice, about a year apart. The most recent time was last spring.
    Spanking is reserved for repeated defiant reactions to other punishments, such as when rather than taking his time-out for hitting his sister he runs away and hides, laughing nastily, repeatedly, and then deliberately strikes out at me when I bring him back to his time-out spot. There is always a warning, and there are always multiple attempts to calm him down before we get to spanking.
    Before I spank I make certain that I am calm and that I really am doing this for his sake. I spank on the bottom, one swat for each year of age, with an amount of force such that I feel the sensation on my hand but there is no sting.
    The two times I’ve had to do it he started crying immediately, and afterward we had a nice hug and he calmed down pretty quickly.
    I was never spanked; one of my brothers was, the other was not. My parents have said many times, when I’ve asked for their secret, that they don’t know how they got such obedient children, and that we shouldn’t expect to luck out like that necessarily. So far my daughter has not been spanked, but she’s only 2 1/2, so who knows what will happen. She seems to me to have a more difficult personality than her brother, so while I hope spanking will be unnecessary, we will see.
    I don’t feel my spanking is harmful (although I felt terrible about it both times, as though if only I were a better parent it wouldn’t have come to this), and I would object to being legally prevented from doing it.
    Naturally I do not approve of spanking as being anything but a last resort, and the parent has to be calm, and the spanking must not be painful, etc.

  12. The government has absolutely NO RIGHT to tell me how to parent my children. Spanking teaches aggression when it is done in anger, with
    the attitude of “I am so mad at you right now I’m going to beat the living daylights out of you.” When it is done calmly and consistently, before the parent is angry, it brings the child security in knowing where their boundaries are.

  13. Jenna says:

    I don’t think spanking works for all kids. Some kids could care less about getting spanked. I think the punishment has to fit the kid. Some kids learn their lesson MUCH better by having possessions taken away. Some kids learn from time outs. I just think that as long as a parent knows why they are using a certain form of discipline, and is doing it not out of anger but out of consequence, it is justified. “Hitting” is not “spanking” and I don’t appreciate it when people group it in the same term. You can spank out of love. You hit out of anger. They are two different things and for people to say otherwise is not accurate. I was spanked as a kid (very rarely) but I did NOT like it. Usually, it was when I was very disrespectful to my parents but I knew I had done really wrong when I was popped. My kids now, one does not respond well to spanking. He takes it very personally and cries, so we stopped doing that long ago (plus, when a kid gets older, spanking just seems silly) and learned that taking away his stuff, Legos or whatever, is a MUCH bigger punishment to him. With our middle daughter, spanking tends to work better. However, I would say she only does things to deserve a spanking rarely. Neither of them are so badly behaved that we have to resort to extremem punishment. I think that it’s a parent’s right to spank and I don’t appreciate the law getting involved with how to discipline kids. Personally, I think that we as a society have become too involved with how families are and how parents “parent” their kids. It’s one thing to protect kids from unsafe living conditions but it’s another to tell me how I can and can’t discipline my own child. So long answer is no, I don’t think it should be illegal.

  14. LK says:

    I see where the study is going, but I am going to have to disagree on some of the points. While I do not advocate or even condon spanking, I am so tired of permissive parents who let little Johnny, Billy, and Susie do whatever they want. I constantly get comments about the behavior of my children, how they are so polite, well-manner, and sit and listen. Why are my kids well-behaved???? Because I have taken charge of their behavior. I discipline them for their misbehavior (and I will admit that I have an early childhood degree also and I realize that some early childhood experts would disagree with the term misbehavior too. It is “mistaken behavior”.) So I deal with their mistaken behavior by time outs, swats, removal from the situation, etc. If someone wants to gently spank his/her child, and that child learns about behavior expectations, then I do not feel it is my job to critize that parent.
    Those of you that throw stones, hope you do not live in glass houses.

  15. Momof4 says:

    Hmmm…. I know where I stand on this issue, but think of it this way (in response to BD’s comments)

    it is legal to push any adult out of the way of an on coming car

    it is legal to swat my husband upside the head when looking at another woman (sorry had to throw that in, has no bearing on this convo.)

    It is legal to slap someone who touches me in the wrong place.

    It is legal to hit someone back who hit me.

    It is legal to shake someone who is not thinking straight

    It is legal slap someone’s hand away from something hot to keep them from getting burned.

    It is legal to even use any force necessary to keep them from killing themselves.

    I could go on and on….

  1. Laura says:

    I love how people say, “I don’t think this study is valid because I have a different opinion.” I’m not a blind believer in everything claiming to be science, but most of the time, a well-designed study does tell you something interesting.

    I was spanked a few times as a child, and it didn’t scar me for life. But I can’t tell that it didn’t except temporarily scare the crap out of me.

    I don’t really have a stomach for violence and I don’t think I’ll ever hit my son.

  2. Momof4 says:

    As for my views. If every child responded to all non-spanking methods of discipline. I would be all for it… But I made a great discovery on the day my daughter turned 2…. ALL KIDS are NOT the SAME.

    They don’t have the same brain patterns, they respond differently to different tones, they eat different foods, they like different stuff, they feel differently in different situations, they learn differently.etc.

    I just look at my daughter with a disappointed stare and she whimpers to her room.

    I sit my 2.5yr old down in time-out and he tells me when he is ready to get up.

    my 10yr old step-son is autistic. He doesn’t learn the way others do. He can not correlate that trying to rip someone’s skin off when he is angry = pain. the only way for him to understand is to reciprocate to a lesser degree so he understands the feeling. meaning enough pressure just prior to pain threshold so he knows there is a feeling associated with the action. it is never done out of anger, I usually am the one who deals with it, and I am talking calmly to him the whole time. he digs his nails into my skin (usually leaving blood trails), and I pinch his skin. I discuss how it made him feel, and then give him some cardboard to tear into to help direct his anger.

    My 6yr old is a very difficult child. You try talking to reason with him and you will be playing the “What if” game for hours and get no where. Talking to him is like talking to a brick wall, and he admits it to. We changes tactics with him frequently because nothing works consistently. We have rules with consequences posted on the fridge. Spanking happens when he deliberately hurts a sibling or does something dangerous. It is never done out of anger, if one of us is angry than the other parent gives the spanking. Not to hard a concept.

    Now I was spanked as a kid, not often, but when deserved. I know the line between abuse and discipline. My mother abused us up til I was 5. after that she sought help and it was entirely different and more controlled and more along the lines of I understood the punishment, and I knew there was love behind it, and love was expressed afterwards.

    I am not aggressive. I am also not a cookie cutter person and neither are my kids.

  3. Laura says:

    Oh my…

  4. JC says:

    I don’t know. I just really don’t.

    I used to think some spankings might help the spoiled brats I would see, but after grad school & years working with kids I have seen a lot of the “spoiled brat behaviors” I would witness were actually results of our failures as adults – we often expect children to behave beyond developmental ability, we push them due to our too busy lives so they are sleep deprived and then take them somewhere and expect them to behave for a prolonged period of time, etc. I also saw the difficulty discrening why it was ok for a parent to hit (spank, swat) and not an older sibling to hit a smaller sibling.

    We were spanked as kids (like most people my age). As I’ve grown older and thought about it more, I’ve realized while we were pretty well behaved, I don’t think spanking had much credit and caused more issues than it solved. 1. We hit each other often. My friends and their siblings hit each other often too. I’ve asked you to stop that, you are going to break my toy, Whap! There. You stopped. 2. I realize in those moments I did NOT respect my parents. I feared them, hated them, and was thinking aggressive thoughts. 3. Knowing we would be spanked rarely stopped the behavior – it only made us try to hide it. It has been shown that children who receive corpral punishment learn to try not to get caught/to be sneaky earlier.

    and I agree with M. Daniel. How do you teach a child it is okay to reprimand a child with physical violence, but not your spouse/significant other/etc. If they grow up with that mind set, I think it makes it easier to carry over into adult relationships.

    that said, I don’t know if it should be illegal. Are we going to waste more resources on the parent that swatted the kid’s butt once straining a system already in need of restructuring and resources? However, if stopping spanking could help stop the crqzy amount of voilence in adults, maybe it wouldn’t be a bad idea. So much to consider.

  5. Mel says:

    Pretty amazing the justifications people make just so they can continue to spank their children. As if there aren’t other ways to effectively discipline and teach your child appropriate behavior? I have an extremely spirited toddler and she has never been spanked and I never intend to, it’s not even difficult to say that I have NO desire to hit her to teach her right from wrong. I don’t believe that spanking itself should be illegal but simply any kind of physical punishment should fall into the category of abuse. Like the guy who teaches to use a switch for punishment? Saying you are doing it with love doesn’t make it less of a hit. I was spanked, though not a ton, and that was a huge contributor of my reasoning to never want to do the same to my child. It is degrading, painful, and inappropriate. Sad that we have to consider a law to tell us that. These are our babies, we should protect them and teach them with love.

  6. Momof4 says:

    @Mel – Spirited does not equal Severe ADHD, and autistic. Until you deal with severe behavioral issues with kids who have brains that don’t connect the dots, talk to me about other techniques.

    If you think for one minute that I have not tried sticker chart, reward systems, corners, time outs, taking favorite things, reasoning with them, redirecting them, letting them scream it out in front of me, or just plain ignoring them as the beat the crap out of me… your crazy.

    I have researched and looked up just about every discipline technique there is out there, I have used each on consistently to try to tame my lions… the responses are never the same for any length of time.

    And I am sorry I will absolutely NOT try to talk my son out of putting his hand on a HOT BURNER which takes more time than swatting his hand away…

    Of course I could just sit there and talk to him and watch while he touches it because he wants to do what I tell him NOT to do… then I can take him to the hospital….

    Sorry… irks me when there is a one way only philosophy. There are a million ways to raise a child not ONE RIGHT WAY.

  7. CARRIE H says:

    When the government pays every penny that it takes to support my child then they can have a say in how I raise them! We over think everything these days. Children have been born, raised, and survived for hundreds of years. Unfortunately we now have the technology to over analyze, over share, over criticize, and over think our every move and the moves of others.
    Sometimes the Internet and today’s technology irritates me. I truly believe that technology has moved too fast and society is having a hard time with the ramifications.

  8. Dana says:

    I’m not a super Christian or anything but I do follow the Golden Rule – treat others how I want to be treated. There is no hitting allowed in our home by anyone. However, if my kid is in danger, I’m not saying I wouldn’t swat his hand away from the danger or not restrain him if he was throwing a tantrum to the point of hurting himself. All things in moderation. If I swat my kid on the bottom he’ll remember it because it would be a rare situation. Discipline even in the bible is about teaching lessons and you do that best with words and by example. Even a 2 year old responds well to an adult getting down on thier level and explaining to them why they shouldn’t do something and can understand consequences (time outs,loss of priveledge or use of a toy, etc.) and if you do TEACH kids to be respectful and behave well – that’s what they’ll do most of the time.

  9. Elissa says:

    I think every punishment has its place and time. I was spanked, and i was not a violent child, or aggressive. My parents had a much easier time managing my sister when she was young enough to spank. Once she was too old for that, grounding and taking stuff away just didn’t do a thing to keep her in check.

    I saw a kid ride a big wheels trike out into traffic on a four lane road the other day. Speed limit 40 through there. If my kid did that, they would get spanked. No question. Vehicles had to stop quickly to avoid hitting the kid. sure, the parents should have been more vigilant, but I have personal experience with a child that doesn’t care what you say – he is going to do him darnedest to do what he set out to do. So if a child has at temperament, in a situation like that, I absolutely would spank his butt for doing that. My son twice, no, three times, snuck out of our house. He knew how to, at the age of two, undo our deadbolt. Our housing wouldn’t let us install other locks, though with theblessing of dh’s command, we ended up changing out the deadbolt for a double keyed one. But while we were trying to get housing to approve it (before he went to his command), he got out again. Both times he was determined to go somewhere because his siblings had gone somewhere with their therapists, and he wanted to go too. He didn’t give a darn about his baby gate, the original deadbolt, or the screen door. He scaled one, unlocked the other, and out the last one he went. All while I took advantage of him napping, and took myself a nap.

  10. Leah says:

    Personally I didn’t use spanking because my children didn’t need it. My sister uses it as her child DEFINTELY requires that type of punishment/consequence. Every child and every family is different.

    We grew up getting spanked and it in no way shape or form made us aggressive or our behavoir worse, etc. Personally I LAUGHED at “time-outs” and it taught me that I could do whatever I wanted and get away with it. Spanking was far more effective on me! I find it hilarious how many people are anti-spanking now and how many more children mishbehave and rule the roost. I think there is a definite connection between the two. I find it unfortunate that parents feel limited in the way they discipline – spanking, when done correctly, can work.

  11. Linda says:

    Fantastic article. I don’t even think it should be called “spanking,” it should be called what it is, hitting. How can any reasonalbe human being not see the link between hitting your kid and increasing their level of aggression? Especially when parents dicipline their kids for aggressive behavior by themselves being aggressive. What kind of confusing message does that send!? In my opinion it’s usually laziness that prompts parents to hit their kids instead of using their behavior as an learning opportunity.

  12. Sally says:

    This whole post give me anxiety. We were spanked as young children and up until I was 15. I have nightmares about it. I still cry about it. I have PTSD over it and have had to go to therapy over it. My parents went overboard and it was the most painful thing ever. I didnt even get spanked often because I like to follow rules and I didn’t really ever misbehave but seeing my siblings get punished KILLED me inside. I will not every spank my children. It is abusive physically and mentally. I did not feel loved. My brothers and sisters all feel the same way. Most of us ended up becoming addicts to drugs, sex and alcohol because of this as well. It was never a swat…it was brutal and my parents took spanking way too far at some points. Please think about how this will affect your children before you hit or spank them. Just because your parents and their parents and their parents used spanking as discipline, does not make it ok. There are so many other ways to discipline that are not violent.

  13. Emily says:

    The government needs to quit telling us how to raise our children. I, like many people, question the validity of this study. Children do not always respond to verbal discussions or time outs. I work in a daycare, so I know this firsthand. We don’t spank the children, so I know for a fact that if a child doesn’t think there will be a real consequence, they will keep doing the same wrong behavior. I see it every time I go into work. I will not use spanking as a first response with my children–a stern “no” or time out will be my warning, telling them that if they do it again, they will get a spanking. But if they continue the bad behavior then I will not hesitate to swat them on the bottom. Children have to have consequences that mean something to them. Their whole game at age 3-5 is to test their limits.

  14. Marsha says:

    Personally, I am very anti-spanking. I don’t think this article is telling us anything new… I think we’ve known for a while that spanking just teaches kids that violence is how we deal with problems. However, I don’t think spanking should be illegal. I think child abuse should be illegal (e.g. using a belt, leaving bruises, excessive violence, etc.) but if a parent decides to calmly spank their child as a form of punishment, I don’t think that is up to government to decide. On one occasion, I did spank my daughter, who was 5 at the time. She was in a hitting phase and I had tried everything else to curb the hitting. So, after about a week of this behavior, I told her if she hit me again, I would hit her back. She did, and so I spanked her on her bottom. She cried and said that it hurt, and I told her that is why we don’t hit. Not to say that she *never* hit me again, but now it is very rare. I was at my wits end and tired of getting hit. I do not regret my actions (although, I did feel bad about doing it!!) and I would do it again if I had to. I don’t think I should be arrested for it or told by the government that it was wrong. BUT, I don’t think spanking should be used when not absolutely necessary. This is a touchy subject and I don’t think there is just one correct answer for every parent/child.

  15. Jennifer says:

    so apparently we are a nation of spankers. god bless america!

  1. BD says:

    Momof4, you aren’t making much sense in the first post. Then again, I don’t think fighting for the right to hit a child ever does. And yes, I also know what it is like to deal with a violent, severely autistic child, while also trying to keep your other kids in line, and I do it without hitting / hurting. I’m NOT saying it is easy, I’m just saying there are other ways.

  2. Stormcloud says:

    Yes, it should be. Violence begets violence. What happens when they hit you back or spanking stops working? Then you are going to have to actually THINK about how to TEACH your child instead of HITTING them- which is what you should be doing to begin with. It should be called HITTING not SPANKING.

  3. Emely says:

    I remember every time I was spanked as a child and I’m now 32. Unforgivable.

  4. Momof4 says:

    @BD – It makes perfect sense. You said it is illegal to hit your spouse/parents/grandparents or another adult.

    What am trying to impart is there is a degree of accepted “violence” if you will when it is deemed in the best interest of the other person, such as saving their life or keeping them from doing something harmful to themselves or others.

    I was pointing out where it was LEGAL to actually do what you said was ILLEGAL, meaning there are certain circumstances and events where it is Legal and acceptable for adults, but the perception is that in no way are those same circumstances or events acceptable for kids.

    Too much permissiveness leads to kids like that 18yr old who is getting sentenced for killing a 9 or 10 yr old just to see what it feels like.

    It’s not the spankings so much as it is the permissive environment, lack of parenting, or over indulgence in other areas that lead to violence. Spanking isn’t the only indicator for the kids that kill other kids, or the ones that kill themselves or most of the other violent offenses.

    Usually lack of parental involvement is the key. Spanking is a tool, to use, in my case the most extreme circumstances with my kids, but still a tool that I see absolutely no problem with. I don’t want the government getting even more into my parenting than it already is…

    If this keeps up, I say they should take all babies from birth and let them be raised by pre-programmed govt robots so they all get treated the same and all the cookie cutter approach parenting fans out there will be happy.

    I know the above sounds silly, but too many studies are coming out basically saying that if parents act in accordance to basic human nature we are hurting our kids and they will all become some anomaly, either too fat, too aggressive, too shy, to autistic, to what ever they think of next.

    I work with statistics on a daily basis… It doesn’t matter what research you do, what the numbers are, they can always be skewed to match the outcome the research was designed to show.

    So yea, I question it. I don’t give much precedence to it. you can make numbers look good or bad all in how you present it.

  5. BD says:

    Yes, I still think comparing hitting your child to examples like “what if I have to defend myself from someone touching me inappropriately” does not make sense, although I understood the point you were trying to make. A five year old child who hits their brother is not the same as an adult committing sexual harassment. Yes, sexual harassment from someone bigger and stronger then you may require a violent response. Your child hitting their sibling does not. Take this example: My elderly relative has dementia, and is sometimes violent. Since she has dementia, her understanding of right and wrong can be limited at times. If she slaps me, it still is not okay for me to hit her back to make a point. If I were caught doing this, I could be charged with abuse. But if I hit my autistic child, it’s okay because I can label it “spanking” or “discipline”. I honestly can’t believe how many people don’t see the problem with the logic “In order to teach my child not hit, I am going to hit them”. Anytime someone uses violent behavior to fix a problem, they are teaching their child to do the same thing.

    The studies cited in this article are not the first studies linking physical discipline with aggression in children. Yes, it’s entirely possible to skew results. I don’t discount that possibility. I think it’s good you brought that point up, because it’s important to keep that in mind when reading scientific studies in general. At the same time, I doubt that EVERY single one of the studies done on spanking has NO merit whatsoever. Yes, I agree that other important factors also contribute to aggression in kids. I do not think this absolves parents of hurting their children to discipline them. There is a way to discipline your children without physically hurting them, and still be firm when you need to be. It’s not a choice between “I spank my kids or become any overly-permissive parent”.

    I find it really disturbing how many parents are fine with physically hurting their kids and labeling as spanking or discipline to justify it. Again, I know discipline is incredibly difficult sometimes, and I’m not trying to make it seem easy. Every child has a different temperament, personality, etc. I’ve experienced that firsthand on a daily basis. I just really believe that regardless of these differences, physically hurting a child is not the solution.

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