Voting is widely considered to be a modern day chore, particularly with the youth of today not really giving a crap and celebrities threatening to murder us if we don't vote.

Just The Facts

  1. Voting was forged by David Hasslehoff as he sang the USSR into defeat at a historic moment on the Berlin Wall.
  2. Some scholars maintain that the Ancient Greeks invented democracy and thus voting. But it was actually David Hasslehoff.
  3. Doctors maintain that voter apathy is actually good for your general health as you will never be disappointed.
  4. A lot of countries identify themselves as democratic. But ask yourself, are they really? I don't know.

What is voting?

Apart from boring, it also isn't cool. But some people get worked up about something called "civic duty" and say that it is the biggest responsibility of being a citizen.

These days it is very easy to be a citizen. You live your life in your country of birth. And as long as you don't commit any crimes, die or do anything else that might hamper your ability to vote, then you will be able to vote.

The alternative to not being able to vote.

Voting comes from a great political ideology called "democracy". If you are on the internet or have ever bothered to glance at some kind of news media then you just may have heard of democracy before. It was spawned by Ancient Greeks who decided their government by the people. But not all people. Only certain citizens were able to vote. In the city state of Athens, the population was about 250,000 only 3,000 were citizens and then only about 5,000 would attend regular meetings.

And most of those 3,000 probably just wanted the free donuts and coffee.

Voting is also a system where two idiots can defeat a genius. Hardly fair but it sort of is.

So... what's voting like?

It's like watching porn with a hangover. You have nothing else to do with your day and then you get a great idea of something to do. And when you're done the excitement wears off. But unlike watching porn, it's not on the news for months in advance.

When you cast your vote and leave the polling station, no one comes up to you, shakes your hand and says "well done son, you have done your duty as a citizen of this country."

NB - this does not happen.

What else can voting be used for?

These days voting is used a lot more and outside of politics and other important national. changing events. TV reality shows for instance let you call in and vote for whichever douche you dislike the least or the most. How fun, you get a weekly vote! And if you really care that much then you can say that it is a national changing event, until that person fades back into obscurity.

It can even be used to survive on a tropical island in the middle of the ocean.

They should have competed for cash prizes and voted to get off the island. Idiots.

Voting is also used in videogames to kick dicks out of matches and also on the interwebs. Forums have polls for two meaningless things ranging from what kind of cookies you prefer to pissing contests about politics.

Apparently voting can win you a prize of some kind, most commonly the latest iPod. You are simply asked to vote for one of two things with the possibility of being a winner.