The myth: It's part of being grown-up.
You're grown-up now. You've got a woman's body, a woman's curiosity and, to be honest, a woman's urge. Having sex will complete the transformation -- or at least let you get the whole thing over with already.

The reality:
Contrary to how it looks in movies, the act of having sex doesn't change you from a girl into a woman or a mature adult (it can, however, transform you into a parent). In fact, a lot of girls look at themselves in the mirror, post-virginity busting, and expect to feel different -- only to find that they're still the same person.
"Having sex has become the equivalent of getting a driver's license. It's a rite of passage," says Debra Haffner, president and CEO of the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States (SIECUS). "But that's not what makes you a grown-up. Maturity does." Haffner points out that according to a SIECUS survey, 65 percent of girls and 45 percent of guys who have had intercourse say they had it too soon.

The myth: I'm the only virgin left.
Hanging out with the girls has started to resemble an episode of Sex and the City. Everyone's spilling about all the action they're getting -- except you. You're starting to feel like a freak, and you just want to be like everyone else.

The reality:
If the reason you want to have sex is that everyone else is doing it, that's both flawed and flat-out wrong. "About half of adolescents 15 and older have had sex -- which means that the other half have not," Haffner says. Still, the misperception that everyone is doing it is pretty common: In seventeen's sex survey, we found out that 75 percent of teenagers think that all teens are having sex.
It's important to realize that virginity is not some social scourge; it's a choice you make. Next time you're with your friends and the conversation turns hot, try to get beyond the kiss-and-tell stories by talking about how you really feel. You could say something like: "I sometimes feel like such a dork because I haven't slept with anyone." You might find that a little honesty brings the tall tales down to size.

The myth: Otherwise, he will break up with me.
You've been dating this guy for a month now. When you're with him, you feel like you're floating on air and you can't stop smiling. The make-out sessions have been getting pretty intense, and he's been pushing for more. You're not sure now is the time, but you're totally into this guy and you don't want to lose him.

The reality:
Don't assume that all guys are ruled by raging hormones. Your boyfriend might be pushing for sex because he assumes that's what he's supposed to be doing. Because there are so many false expectations about when a couple should have sex, before you even think about doing it, you should be talking about it, says Haffner, meaning that you should be able to tell a guy just what you're comfortable doing and not doing. (If you're too weirded out to tell him that now may not be the right time for you, chances are that now isn't the right time.) Instead of just giving in to pressure, talk about it. Tell each other what you want and don't want to do. Plus, Haffner points out, "there are other things you can do to give and receive pleasure that don't include intercourse."

The myth: If it's true love, the next step is sex.
You're secure in your relationship with your longtime boyfriend. You love each other and have even talked about attending the same college. He wants to have sex, claims he has been fully patient and is now saying that if you don't relent, he might take a hike.

The reality:
This one's easy. Any guy who tries to threaten, force or cajole you into having sex isn't worth a minute more of your time. Says Haffner: "The line 'You would have sex with me if you loved me' needs to be answered with 'If you loved me, you wouldn't pressure me.'"
Going all the way is something that can't be taken back. If you're not careful and thoughtful, there can be long-term emotional and physical consequences. And here's the thing: Taking your time, knowing your own mind, not having sex to fit in or please someone and being responsible about protection ultimately will make sex more pleasurable and special. And isn't that the whole point?

SexSmarts is a partnership of seventeen and the Kaiser Family Foundation. We're hereto provide you with information and resources on a range of sexual health issues, fromdecision making about sex, including how to say "no", to the real facts on HIV and othersexually transmitted diseases (STDs).
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