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Four Methods:Taking Immediate ActionGetting Outside HelpSetting a Good ExampleMental and Emotional Karate - an Inside Out Approach

Bullying isn't something that just happens in movies and books. It's a real problem that many kids encounter on a daily basis, and it can become dangerous if it isn't stopped. Learn how to put a stop to bullying by taking immediate action, knowing where to go for help, and setting a good example for others.


Method 1 of 4: Taking Immediate Action

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    Look the bully in the eye and tell him or her to stop. If a bully is teasing you in a way you don't like, insulting you, or physically threatening you, sometimes eye contact and a calm, clear "no" is the right way to defuse the situation. Tell the bully that you are not OK with the treatment you're receiving, and make it clear that it has to end immediately.
    • If it's appropriate, try to use laughter to lighten the tension. Bullies usually try to get a rise out of the person they're bullying, so if you show the person your skin is too thick for that, he or she may give up and leave you alone.[1]
    • Don't raise your voice when you're telling the bully to stop. This could provoke the bully to keep teasing you to get an even stronger reaction.
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    Avoid escalating the situation. Teasing the bully by calling him or her names or threatening to fight is only going to make things worse. Don't yell or take steps toward physical violence. The bully will likely respond with increased bullying, and you risk getting in as much trouble or he or she does if you're caught participating in the situation.
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    Know when to walk away. If the situation seems threatening or dangerous, it's best to disengage. Turn around and walk away from the bully. At a certain point, reasoning with him or her isn't going to make a difference.
    • If you're worried for your safety, walk to a teacher or counselor you trust to help you handle the situation.
    • Avoid further contact with the bully until you've taken other steps to end the bullying.
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    Don't respond to cyberbullying attacks. If you're being bullied by someone via text, social networks, your website, emails, or another online space, do not respond to the bully. Provocation is especially counterproductive in a situation where the bully is anonymous. Instead of responding to the bully, take these measures:
    • Save the evidence. Don't delete threatening emails, messages or texts. You may need to have them if things get worse.
    • Block the bully. If the person is known to you, block him or her from your social media pages, erase him or her from your phone contacts, and block correspondence in any way possible. This is often enough to deter the bully from further action. If the person is anonymous, mark the email address as spam.
    • Change your account settings to make it more difficult to find you online. Start using a new screenname or tighten the privacy settings on your social media accounts.

Method 2 of 4: Getting Outside Help

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    Don't wait too long. If the bullying has reached the point where it's causing you to feel anxious about going to school, keeping you up at night, or interfering with your life in any other negative way, seek help from a trusted adult.
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    Talk to your school administrators. Since bullying is so common, every school has a policy for handling it efficiently and effectively. Talk to your school principle or school counselor about the situation so that it stops as soon as possible. Steps will be taken to either punish the bully or set up a mediation to resolve the issue.
    • Know that other kids in your school are experiencing the same problem, and rules and protocols are in place for good reason.
    • If you're a parent, set up a meeting with the school administrator instead of trying to handle the situation on your own.
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    Report cyberbullying to service providers. This form of bullying has become so common that phone services and other service providers also have plans in place for dealing with abuse. Call your service providers to report the bullying so that action will be taken to block the person from continuing to contact you. You may have to provide phone or email records to the service provider.
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    Take legal action. Continued bullying that causes emotional or physical damage may be grounds for taking legal action. If the measures taken by the school and the bully's parents are not sufficient to correct the problem, you might want to consider getting a lawyer involved.
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    Call local law enforcement. Certain forms of bullying can be quite dangerous, and some are even classified as crimes. If the bullying you experience involves one of these elements, call your local police department.
    • Physical violence. Bullying can lead to real physical harm. If you're worried that your health or life is in danger, call the police.
    • Stalking and use of intimidation. If someone is violating your personal space and intimidating you, that's a crime.
    • Death threats or threats of violence.
    • Dispersion of potentially humiliating photos or videos without your consent, including sexually explicit photos or videos.
    • Hate-related actions or threats.

Method 3 of 4: Setting a Good Example

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    Make sure you aren't perpetuating bullying behavior in your school.[2] Examine your own treatment of your classmates. Is there anyone you may be bullying, even unintentionally? Everyone exchanges sharp words now and then, but if there's someone you tend to pick on, stop, even if you aren't doing what you would define as bullying. Make it your policy to be nice to other people, even if you don't like them very much.
    • Don't tease someone else unless you know them well enough to understand their sense of humor.
    • Don't spread rumors or gossip about other people - that's a form of bullying.
    • Don't purposely leave someone out or ignore them.
    • Never spread pictures or information about someone else on the internet without consent.
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    Stand up for other people. If you see someone getting bullied in your school, stand up to the bullies. Not participating isn't going far enough; you should actively take a stand to prevent the victim from getting harmed further. You can interfere by speaking with the bully if you feel safe doing so, or telling a school administrator what you saw.
    • If your friends start gossiping about someone, make it clear that you don't participate in that kind of thing.
    • If you're part of a group that's intentionally leaving someone else out, tell the group you want to include everyone, because it's the right thing to do.
    • If you see someone getting picked on and fear for that person's safety, tell a school administrator right away.
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    Spread the word that bullying has to stop. Many schools have anti-bullying campaigns led by students who want to keep their schools safe and friendly. Join a group or start one at your school to spread awareness about the problem of bullying and figure out ways to solve it.

Method 4 of 4: Mental and Emotional Karate - an Inside Out Approach

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    Teach young people to have an internal locus of control. Teach them that it's really what they choose to think about what happens and what others say and do that really determines how they feel. Everyone has a host of cognitive choices that we alone make that really determine how we feel, and that no one else can make for us, unless we let them.[3][4]
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    Teach young people to recognize and correct their own irrational thinking. Luckily Dr. Albert Ellis has given us a simple model for doing so. He says that we upset ourselves more than necessary by engaging in four basic types of irrational thought: Demandiness, Awfulizing, Can't Stand It-itis, and Label and Damning.[5]
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    Teach young people to have USA or Unconditional Self-Acceptance. The reason is shame. Shame can be lurking in the background before someone gets bullied. Kids often beat up on themselves for not being able to handle bullying on their own, or better than they do. Shame is what also causes them to keep secrets, and not seek or accept help that is available to them. Keeping secrets allows them to rehearse irrational thoughts to the point that they start to feel like facts instead of simple opinions. These thoughts often end up being the irrational logic of school shooting and suicides that arise from bullying.

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  • Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself, or someone else. At least you have the courage.
  • Remember that it's not your fault if you are being bullied.
  • Be heard. Don't just stand there, do something.
  • Don't show signs that they are affecting you by looking insecure, even if you are because the bully will find this amusing and continue all the more.
  • Avoid isolating yourself. Have friends with you.
  • Have confidence. You will attract more friends and people will not pick on you as much if you look like you are confident.
  • Join in Bully Prevention groups or even Support Groups for kids and teens who have been bullied. There might even be a few online, if you don't wish to share personal experiences so openly. If you do go online, do not give away personal information such as phone number, address, last name, city, etc.
  • Put your hand on your hip, walk with confidence and show those bullies you aren't bothered.
  • Share your problems with someone who is very close to you and also someone you can trust.
  • Never lower yourself to a bully's level.


  • Keep in mind that somebody purposely touching you without your permission may be a crime, even if the perpetrator is a child, and should be reported to an adult you trust unless it is so small that you give your permission after the act.
  • NEVER try to intervene or subdue a bully yourself; you're only putting yourself in harm's way. Tell a trusted adult immediately.
  • Report every crime when it is safe for you to do so, but understand that it is not easy to go through that process. Many police, parents, teachers, etc., believe that it is wrong to report crimes of children in a school setting, and you may have to listen to them. Be completely honest in reporting to adults. It is the best way to build trust with them.

Sources and Citations

  1. http://www.stopbullying.gov/kids/facts/index.html
  2. http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=how-to-stop-bullying
  3. www.mentalandemotionalkarate.com
  4. www.itsjustanevent.com - more detail on how to develop an internal locus
  5. www.itsjustanevent.com

Article Info

Categories: Dealing with Bullying

Recent edits by: Anna, Andrew Niederer, Lydiawantspeace


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