Monday, September 28, 2015


Some euphemisms are used in order to make a blunt or unpleasant truth seem less harsh. Others are used to take the place of words or phrases you might not want to say in polite company.  In some cases, euphemisms are intentionally a grosser or less pleasant way of saying something. These are usually used when people are being sarcastic or trying to make light of a serious subject or make it seem less serious.  Following are many euphemisms that I thought of, found online or stole borrowed from George Carlin:

Bathroom tissue--toilet paper
Mobile homes--trailers
Shell shock/battle fatigue--post traumatic stress disorder
Previously owned vehicles--used cars
Occasionally irregularity--constipation
Substandard housing--slums
In a negative cash flow position--poor
Neutralizing populations--ethnic cleansing
Disinformation--governmental lies
Preboarding--getting on a plane before you get on?
Physically challenged/differently abled--handicapped
Learning disabled--stupid
Partially sighted/vision impaired--blind
Having severe appearance deficits--ugly
Rape victim--unwilling sperm recipient
Senior citizen--old person
Let go/downsized--fired
On the street--homeless
Correctional facility--jail
Executive assistant/personal assistant--secretary
Caretaker, custodian--janitor
In the family way--pregnant
In reduced circumstances--bankrupt
Electronic surveillance--wiretapping & bugging
Personal representative--salesperson
Character lines--wrinkles
Assisted living facility--old folk's home
Passed away/departed/expired (like a magazine subscription?)--died
Terminal episode--death in a hospital
Negative patient care outcome--death in a hospital as seen by the insurance company
Au natural/in your birthday suit--naked
Use the rest room/powder your nose--go to the bathroom
Between jobs--unemployed
Adult entertainment--pornography
Adult beverages--booze 
Chronologically challenged--late
Plus sized--fat
Sanitation engineer--garbage man
Sleep together/hide the sausage/make whoopee--have sex
Man often engaging in casual sex--stud
Woman often engaging in casual sex--slut

And my personal favorite from George Carlin:

Have an involuntary protein spill--vomit

If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?----fishducky