About Adoptee Rage

poor outcomes for a child's future.

Sunday, February 1, 2015

The Traumatic Bond in the Adopted Child


The Traumatic Bonding of the Adopted Child  

Traumatic bonded Adopted Child

Traumatic bonding occurs as the result of ongoing cycles of adopted child abuse that is perpetrated by the adoptive parent.

The adopting parents are initially rejected by the helpless traumatized adopted infant that can not be consoled and is labeled a difficult child. As the substitute adoptive mother does not pass the adopted child's sensory awareness of the biological mother that is absent. The infant child is suffering from the drastic life altering effects of biological separation that can result in the lost infant loosing the will to live. The Intentional infliction of psychological damage through the mechanism of Biological Severance is the most profound traumatic event a human being can endure, especially inflicted on a newborn child that is yet to have any experience in the world. The intentional infliction of this trauma and damages caused by the trauma institutes the infant's primary and first experience in life. All future experiences of the infant will be compared to the infant's first and primary experience of biological separation and the grief that constitutes that primary traumatic experience.     
The infant child's primary experience results in the psychological injury, which is the infant's foundation for all future experience will be based. The psychological trauma occurs in the pre verbal and pre cognitive brain, so the trauma is experienced as emotional, feelings and awareness that is encoded into the brain as suffering, grief and the feeling of emotional death. Example: a woman carries her expectant child for nine months, births the child and the child dies. The mourning mother grieves, and suffers the loss of her dead child. The psychological experience of the grief stricken mother is what the traumatized infant experiences, except the infant's biological mother is not dead, and remains in the world without the infant's knowledge of who she is, what, when, where and why. The intentional act of separating infants from their biological families is psychological, social and intentional cruelty.  
The action of intentionally separating biological mother-child-dyad separates the child from it's "whole self" that constitutes the mother-child dyad. The traumatic event that the adopted infant child is suffering from is socially ignored, discounted and invalidated by the adopting parents, who instead are celebrating the possession of the grieving child. To ensure their continued possession of the child, the adopting parents erase the paper trail of the child's birth and name.
The child's identity and heritage are physically erased and the new psychological secrecy protects the true identity from the child's knowledge. The adopted child is expected to look like the adoptive family, act like the adoptive family, accept the norms, values and identify falsely with the adoptive family, although the child is not of the adoptive family, they are the imposter within the adoptive family pretending to believe the perceptions of the adoptive parents on behalf of the adoptive parents failed attempts to have children of their own.
Dysfunction grows in the adoptive family as the child develops and changes into the image of his biological parents and family. The adoptive family's secrets become a heavy burden to maintain in the the family as the adopted child matures.  
 The intermittent fear based relationship developed by the adoptive parents is based on their disappointment, unfulfilled and unrealistic expectations of the adopted child where the child always fails to live up to the adopting parent's expectations. The adopting parent's disappointment in the adopted child grows resentment and intolerance toward the adopted child. The parent's inconsistent parenting coupled by their use of negative reinforcement of punishment and reward creates powerful emotional bond of fear that is resistant to change in the parent-child relationship. The adoptive parents live in denial that the adopted child is grown up, becoming independent and will eventually leave the adoptive home. The adopting parents utilize their control and domination enforcement to objectify the adoptive child into submissive based fear of the punishment reinforcement the child has grown to expect in the face of failure and disappointment to meet the adoptive parent's approval and standards.    

Healthy bonding

Bonding is a normal and natural occurrence between mother and child that instills trust in the child, that the child grows up to be dependable, reliant and honorable in his person and extended to his adult interpersonal relationships. Adult relationships that grows over time, strengthened by commonality, proximity and doing things together. The interpersonal relationship incorporates participating in major life events together and experiencing good and bad times together with the overall philosophy and value in family relationship bond .
Unhealthy, or traumatic bonding, occurs when proximity and tragedy places a child's need behind the needs of the perceived caregiver.
Traumatic bonding between children and adult caregivers instills in the child that their basic needs are not important, not essential and are not valid. Adult caregivers teach children through abusive tactics to form dependence bonds with dangerous undependable persons that involve dramatic and dire circumstances as the norm in the unreliable caregiver in an abusive relationship. The bond is stronger for people who have grown up in abusive households because it seems to be a normal part of relationships based in chaotic, fear and inconsistent patterns it thought to be a normal part of abusive circumstances.
Initially the person that had become an abuser was inconsistent in approach, which developed into an intensity perhaps not matched in other relationships of the victim. The longer a relationship continues, the more difficult it is for people to leave the abusers with whom they have bonded and believe they deserve the negative treatment as the abuse cycle has a pleasant forgiving beginning, a threatening middle, a critical point of exasperation and finally the recouping factor that begins the cycle again. Adopted children are taught to be ashamed of their very existence, they are taught to feel shame and humiliation and are void of self esteem. The abuser capitalizes on the adopted child's shame to further keep the adopted child humble and submissive. The shame tactics specialized to the bastard child's psychological injury is the key to their domination and keeping them in control.  thought of leaving abuse is overwhelming to the adoptee that lacks the social skills to cope in the outside world. The cycles of abuse learned in adopted childhood are the primary coping mechanisms that keep the adult adoptee in the abusive relationship and within the abuse cycle that the adoptee knows and is familiar, even brings the adoptee comfort from familiarity of adopted childhood abuse.