Thursday, April 26, 2012

Should I care if students like me?

 "Who decides if your work is good? When you are at your best, you do."


Too often I hear from educators comments such as "you can't please everyone" or it is not my job to "be a student's friend." Now while there is some truth to these axioms I am concerned about teachers who seem to ignore how students feel about them as a person. Some teachers even brag about students being disciplined or "put in their place."




So Mr. Politician, #standardizethat


  1. There is a big difference between can you learn from someone you don't like and will you learn from someone you don't like. For every story I hear from an adult talking about the "teacher from hell" that they learned the most from I hear another story about how they didn't learn anything from them. In the end, life is too freaking short to spend nine months in a room where the person delights in being mean to you.

  2. True Bill and I think that only self-motivated students who care about their grades will work for the "teacher from hell." Many other students just opt out of that style of classroom with a "whatever so fail me" attitude.

    The more I think about this I think relationships are most important with diverse students, lower SES students, and any students who have a history of being unsuccessful at school. They need someone to care about them and believe in them before they can believe in themselves.

  3. Mike, many teachers fail to understand that covering content is really the easiest thing that we do in the classroom. I agree that we must build respectful relationships with each other. I agree that teachers should have an end of the year survey for students. I do. I read their responses in the summer. It would be easier to ignore negative comments. Instead, I reflect.

  4. I'm afraid the term "like" is not likely to produce meaningful discussion. Likes and dislikes are emotional and often irrational. Some people you may dislike because of their personalities or some other aspect of their behavior. Some you may not like; that is, you may have no positive feeling toward them even though you have no specific reason for disliking them.

    What is necessary within a classroom is mutual respect, which is an entirely different matter than liking. Very little can be accomplished in society without mutual respect, as the American political landscape shows.

    1. I think most people that you know that you dislike you have a reason for it. I spend 10 hours a week with my students so they have time to like or dislike me. Again I do not need to be their best friend or favorite person but if they have a negative feeling towards me then I believe it will harm their learning. Especially those who are not self-motivated, high achievers.

      I think the key is your second sentence: "Likes and dislikes are emotional." If a student has negative emotions towards me then it will affect their attitude and effort in class negatively.

  5. Of course you want students to like you. Relationships predicate learning, and when you clearly state the course goals and rationale in a way that shows you care about the students, work with them, hear them, flex, etc. they WILL like you and will invest in the class and the learning. I have been thinking about this topic a lot lately -
    I appreciate your thoughtfulness on this blog and think you are on the right track!



  6. Well said. I like to use a student survey to assess my affect on each class. I'm not always good a making the changes but I do want to improove. Can you link to survey your school uses? I'm always looking for ways to make the survey better, too. Thanks.

  7. Joni,

    I think the best surveys should be customized to your situation. I am not sure that ours will really fit another situation but you can check it out. Here is a link to the one we just used

    It was created by our students with input from the teachers. It is based on our school being PBL and we use the format of "I likes" and "I wonders" to give feedback.

  8. There is something to students "liking" you, but on the other side, if you are asking students to do things like struggle through problems and work in new ways (PBL) that they are unused to, they may not "like" you for that reason. Of course you want a positive environment and that is a goal to always be working for.

  9. @Dvora,

    Thanks for the comment but I look at it the exact opposite way. If I want to challenge students to push themselves in a new PBL environment than I better make sure I have a relational capacity with them so they will go the extra mile with effort. If students don't like me that can be an excuse to cop out when they are challenged.

  10. It is not important for teachers to spend time getting the kids to "like" them, they just need to spend time "liking" the kids.

    From the first day of school, the only message should be---"Kid, I am lucky to have you in my class this year."

    My line is "I am glad that you chose me, and I wouldn't want to be with anyone else."

    Copy of my class eval

    1. Like the way you say that Paul. I am not worried about kids liking me, but am talking about relationships and want to have a positive one with every student.

      On that note a student that I had some behavioral struggles with this year gave me a hug as it was her last day. That was a very good feeling to see her finish the year well.