Joke of the day

Joke of the day

Every man needs a go-to joke.

Joke N° 3223
Mathematical Proof That Girls Are Evil
Dan Hall
Joke N° 3224
Grade Three
On the first day of grade three, Johnny's teacher asked the students to count to 50. Many of them did very well, some getting as high as 37. But Johnny did extremely well; he made it to 100 with only three mistakes. At home, he told his dad how well he had done. Dad told him, "That's because you are from Newfoundland, son." The next day, in language class, the teacher asked students to recite the alphabet. Some made it to the letter "k" with only one mistake, but Johnny outdid them again. He made it all the way through, missing only the letter "m". That evening, once again, he brought his dad up-to-date, and his father explained, "that's because you are from Newfoundland, son". The next day, after Physical Education class, the boys were taking showers. Johnny noted that, compared to the other boys in his grade, he seemed quite "well-endowed". This confused him. That night, he asked his father, "Dad, they all have little tiny ones, but mine is ten times bigger than theirs. Is that because I'm from Newfoundland?" "No, son," explained dad, "That's because you're 18."
Mathew Thompson
Joke N° 3225
Flight Delay
One day, a Polish man is flying on a three-engine jet from Poland to America. In the middle of the flight, one of the engines dies down, and stops working. The captain says, "Don't worry, we can still fly with two engines, but we'll be an hour behind schedule." Then, about a half an hour later, another engine dies out. The captain reassures them, and tells them they will be two hours behind schedule. The Polish guy turns to the guy sitting next to him and says, "If the third one goes out, we'll be up here all night!"
Joke N° 3226
Rodney Dangerfield Jokes
Joke N° 3227
The Chicken And The Horse
On a farm lived a chicken and a horse, and both loved to play together. One day, the two were playing when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help! Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor. Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Z-3 series BMW. Finding the keys inside, the chicken sped off with a length of rope, hoping he still had time to save his friend's life. Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy to see the chicken arrive in the shiny BMW, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him. After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's car, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful car, rescued the horse! Happy and proud, the chicken drove the BMW back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned. The friendship between the two animals was cemented: best buddies, best pals. A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life! The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle. Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his erect member and lifted him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life. The moral of the story? When you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.
Cedric Kahlon
Joke N° 3228
A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost 24 hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the manager. The manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use. "But we didn't use them," the man complains. "Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the manager. He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says. "But we didn't go to any of those shows," complains the man again. "Well, we have them and you could have", the manager replies. No matter what facility the manager mentions, the man replies, "But we didn't use it!" The manager is unmoved and eventually, the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the manager. The manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for $100." "That's right," says the man. "I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife." "But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager. "Well," the man replies, "she was here, and you could have."
Macka Macdonald
Joke N° 3229
Bad Gorilla
Late one night at the city zoo, a man was cleaning around some of the cages in preparation for tomorrow's visitors when he feels a tap on his shoulder. He turns around and sees a big gorilla standing in the cage behind him with a troubled look on his face. The gorilla then proceeds to say, "Listen friend, you couldn't do me a favor and let me out, could you? I haven't had sex in a while and I'm going nuts" The man replied, "No way, I can't, I'll lose my job." The following night, the man felt another tap on his shoulder, and sees the same troubled face staring back. The gorilla then spat out a half growl, half whimper, "Please friend, let me out. If you don't I'll explode in here." Again, the man replied, "No, I can't, I'll lose my job," and went on his way. That night, the gorilla noticed a metal bar lying by the side of the cage. He picks the bar up and wedges it between two of the bars, bends them open and makes a run for it. After snooping around the zoo for a while, he spots a lion sleeping with his bum sticking in the air. The gorilla is overcome with excitement and uses the bar to bend a gap in the lion's cage. As soon as he is in the cage, he creeps up on the lion and proceeds to do what he came in there for. Whilst in the middle of his relief, the gorilla gets a fright as the lion wakes up, realizes what's happening, and begins to go nuts. At this point, the gorilla decides to cut his losses and make a run for it. Soon after escaping the cage, the gorilla notices a bench with some newspapers lying on it, so he decides to take cover under the sheets of paper. After a couple of minutes, the gorilla hears the lion creeping up to the bench. Lying there petrified, he hears the lion say, "Psst, you haven't seen a gorilla creeping around here, have you?" The gorilla then says, "What, the one who had you from behind in the cage?" To which the lion replies, "Oh no, don't tell me it's in the newspaper already!"
Paul Doherty

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