Monday, February 10, 2014

Green Eggs. No Ham.

There are few things more therapeutic or more satisfying than making your own pasta. We're not talking about just boiling up that desiccated crap with a twenty year shelf life--no sir we're talking about raw ingredients and hard work. And we'll start with the basics before we amp it up.

For basic pasta you need three ingredients: one egg, one cup of flour and a bit of water. Get over yourself with the water already--you're gonna need the water. You're also gonna need that fork.

Now this is one of those activities you can share with youngsters. Preferably a grandchild and even better when you do this in your OCD daughter-in-law's kitchen. And just imagine the fun when that little nipper tells the pre-school teacher "we eat Play Dough at home and gramps showed me how to make it!"

You start by mounding the flour and making a depression in the middle. This is good practice for the paper mache volcano that is certainly in the near future. Now some folks reserve some of the flour to sprinkle on the egg, but that just seems silly. So don't.

Next you add the egg to the nest.

And then you fork that bad boy until you a dough starts to come together. Yum yum!

This is the point at which you might need to add water. You might not, but probably.

Then you just work the dough until it looks like this.

By this point you are beginning to understand the therapeutic value of pasta making. This can be some pretty tough dough. Once you get to this point you can wrap these balls up in plastic wrap for refrigerator storage. It is generally recommended that you let the dough "rest" in the fridge before you go to the next steps. While it can be saved for days or even frozen one of the key aspects of fresh pasta is that it is, well, fresh.

Now you're ready to roll it out and slice to suit your tastes and needs. Old school pasta makers roll and slice by hand. They're fools. We recommend using a handy dandy pasta machine.

This bad boy comes equipped with stainless steel rollers separated by an adjustable space. Works a bit like the rollers on your (great)grannie's old tub washing machine. Only this is food so it's more fun.

You will have to cut down the size of the pasta ball and flatten it down a bit by hand, but once it goes thru at the widest setting you literally crank it out. Once you have your desired thickness you're ready to slice.

These adapters slice in a variety of widths. Pick what you like.

Once sliced you will want to let the pasta dry. Well to be honest you don't really need to dry it, but you're probably not gonna eat immediately so you have to do something with it. Turns out if you just dump it in a bowl you get a mess. Turns out if you dump it in a bowl with a little olive oil you get an oily mess. They do make pasta drying racks but you have to be equipped with an obscenely large kitchen to afford the space for these limited use toys. You are probably going to eat this pasta real soon now so you might find an open cabinet door an adequate makeshift rack. Depending on how clean your daughter-in-law keeps her kitchen you might consider draping cling wrap over the door before you throw your fresh pasta over the top. Gritty pasta doesn't garner rave reviews.

Now that's your basic no-frills pasta. Did that look like bread flour to you? Good catch. There are "pasta flours" out there and some folks like semolina. Others like quinoa but that seems best reserved for what goes on or with the pasta. Others look for gluten-free flours though this seems a bit like veggie-burgers--asinine.

There is a place for adding flavour to your pasta even if that is only to clear our the fridge or freezer. Here is where the green eggs come in--pesto pasta.

When your back yard crop of basil goes all kudzu on you, what you gonna do? Make pesto of course. Turns our pesto freezes well. Also happens to make some pretty good pasta.

This starts like any other pasta excepting it is a good idea to beat together the egg and pesto before going to the volcano. The two eggs are italian for "super size me."

Green liquid chicken rules! This is almost as fascinating to the average four year old as the "spoon trick*". From this point forward you are just making pasta. Except it is green.

Bring it together. Well kneaded.

Portion control.
Let it rest.
When you are ready to eat you roll, slice, dry and cook just like any other home made pasta.

It should come as no surprise that pesto pasta is excellent with roasted tomatoes. You do know how roast tomatoes don't you?

*spoon trick. Requires a very clean, shiny spoon, preferably soup spoon sized. Have the child hold the spoon with the handle down (like a lollipop) and look into the concave side at which point you say "upside down". Turn the spoon around and say "right side up." Now turn the spoon so the handle is up. The average four year old will play happily with the spoon for hours.