» GMAT Essays http://www.knewton.com Tue, 22 Jul 2014 14:20:20 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.9.1 GMAT Essay: Sample of an AWA Scored a 4 http://www.knewton.com/blog/test-prep/gmat-essay-sample-of-an-awa-scored-a-4/ http://www.knewton.com/blog/test-prep/gmat-essay-sample-of-an-awa-scored-a-4/#comments Mon, 07 Jun 2010 13:29:18 +0000 http://blog.knewton.com/?p=4523 Read more]]> Meghan Daniels is the Associate Editor @Knewton, where she helps students rock their GMAT Essays.

When someone achieves greatness in any field—such as the arts, science, politics, or business—that person’s achievements are more important than any of his or her personal faults.

In general, this argument is correct. Arts, sciences, politics, and business are very important to our culture and achievements made there are more important than personal faults. The positive will outweigh the negative, inevitably. Most people do not go down in textbooks, for example, for their personal mistakes. Instead for making discoveries, starting a company, or when people are elected to office. Yes, it is true that personal faults can have big effects. For example when Bill Clinton had an affair, his impeachment trial took up valuable time and he went against America’s trust. But normally this isn’t the case.

Their are many times when personal faults should be less important. For example, think of the people whose achievements are so crucial to the arts. These people aren’t perfect. To name one tragic example, Michael Jackson. There were many times when people wondered is this woman insane? For example: he hung his baby over a balcony and people called him a sexually offensive. Michael Jackson to many people was not the ideal model citizen. When he died some people talked only about his faults. But most people, for example at his funeral concert, were truly upset because of the great strides he made, especially for African-American musicians. He truly opened many doors.

Isn’t it often the case that people want to look at politician’s faults? For example, when the presidential candidate John Edwards had an affair and a baby with a woman, it was always in the tabloids. People weren’t thinking about politics, or the fact that he could have been president, only about his mistake. And yet more likely than not that affair won’t be in textbooks in years to come. Instead the fact that John Edwards lost in the presidential race will probably appear. However, in the end John Edwards probably isn’t the most important politician ever, so his personal faults and greatness in his field might be of equal importance. For someone like Bill Clinton who has achieved so much, though, even big personal faults are not as important as greatness.

Overall, I agree with this argument. Although there are cases that aren’t clear-cut, more often than not when someone achieves greatness in their field, that should be the most important factor. Personal faults are not important to future generations. Greatness is their legacy.

Score: 4

In order to score well on the GMAT essay, test-takers should take a strong stance on the issue in the prompt. Needless to say, this essay does not take a firm enough stance. The modifer “in general” in the first sentence weakens the author’s argument (by implying that there are times the argument is incorrect). In addition, the author never sets her thesis statement out explicitly; she says that “this argument is correct,” but never clarifies the argument to which she is referring. The author also overuses qualifying words like “probably,” and spends a disproportionate amount of time exploring the opposing side of the argument.

The structure of the essay is a bit messy. The author’s mention of Bill Clinton in the first paragraph feels out of place–the example is tangential to her argument (she says that his personal faults had “big effects,” but doesn’t specify until later whether these faults should be considered more or less important than his political achievements). In the third paragraph, too, the author goes off on an unnecessary tangent, bringing up the example of John Edwards, who she later admits doesn’t fit particularly well into the category of someone who has achieved greatness.

The example of Michael Jackson works, but could be made stronger by focusing more on the “great strides” he made for African-American musicians, rather than on details about his personal life and flaws. In general, this essay would benefit from another specific example that clearly supports the thesis.

The writing in the essay is about average. There are several sentence fragments; the author uses the first-person pronoun more than necessary; and he frequently repeats certain words and phrases (“for example,” “probably,” etc).

The conclusion of the essay is a bit short, but it more or less gets the point of the essay across. The idea that “personal faults are not important to future generations” is an interesting one; the essay might have been stronger had the author expanded on this point earlier (perhaps even as part of her thesis).

This essay presents an important lesson: Create an outline before writing your essays on the GMAT! This author seems to be formulating her opinion as she goes; as a result, the essay’s argument is confusing and unclear.

Great GMAT Essay from Knewton student http://www.knewton.com/blog/test-prep/great-gmat-essay/ http://www.knewton.com/blog/test-prep/great-gmat-essay/#comments Thu, 12 Nov 2009 16:46:56 +0000 http://www.knewtonblog.com/?p=676 Read more]]> Josh Anish is Senior Editor at Knewton.

I read A LOT of GMAT essays. Alex Sarlin and I read every single essay sent in by every single Knewton student. More and more are coming in every day. We usually offer words of encouragement followed by a points of constructive critique — don’t use first-person pronouns in the intro, don’t pay too much deference to the other side of the argument, and so forth.

But last week we received an essay that was so good, we asked asked its author to let us share it with the world. So here it is, followed by a breakdown of why we like it so much.

Reprinted with Robbie M’s permission (thanks Robbie!).

The following appeared in a memorandum from a regional supervisor of post office operations:

During a two-week study of postal operations, the Presto City post office handled about twice as many items as the Lento City post office, even though the cities are about the same size. Moreover, customer satisfaction appears to be higher in Presto City, since the study found fewer complaints regarding the Presto City post office. Therefore, the postmasters at these two offices should exchange assignments: the Presto City postmaster will solve the problems of inefficiency and customer dissatisfaction at the Lento City office while the Lento City postmaster learns firsthand the superior methods of Presto City.


While a potential solution for the gap between the performance of the Lento City and the Presto City post office could be addressed by switching postmasters, the author fails to provide sufficient evidence or sound logic to validate his or her conclusion. First, there are explanations other than postmaster aptitude for the gap between post office performance. Similarly, the assumption that similar size cities have the exact same post office configuration is not logically sound. Finally, additional evidence about the current postmasters would strengthen the author’s proposed solution.

One possible explanation for the difference in volume between the two post offices and customer satisfaction is a difference in supporting staffs. The Presto City post office may have a significantly larger staff, or Presto postal workers may be substantially more skilled or have more experience than their Lento City counterparts. Should this be the case, more significant changes, such as hiring additional workers or training existing employees in Lento City, would be necessary to reduce the gap in performance.

The author also fails to validate the assumption that the two post offices are comparable. Lento City could be demographically different, hosting a population of technologically advanced citizens who rarely send postal mail. These citizens could instead use other means of communication, such as email. In this scenario, the volume of mail would be significantly lower, which in turn could lead to less-experienced or fewer postal workers. Furthermore, using number of complaints as the measurement of customer satisfaction ignores the potential for differences in how customers communicate their satisfaction. It may be that Presto City has no formal means for collecting customer feedback, while Lento City has a very robust process.

Finally, the author could strengthen this claim by citing specific examples of the strengths and weaknesses of the two postmasters. For example, if we were told that the Presto City post office once experienced issues similar to those in Lento City, and that the situation were improved upon the incumbent postmaster’s arrival, it would strengthen proposed postmaster-exchange. Similarly, if there were pieces of evidence that the significant decline in Lento City corresponded to the current postmaster’s tenure, it would more directly relate the present state in Lento City to the postmaster. Without this evidence, the author fails to validly support his or her proposal as there are too many alternative reasons for the variance between post offices.

In summary, the author must better support the link between postmaster and post office performance to support his or her conclusion. A reader of the argument has no means to conclude that there are not other explanations for the variance in performance.

The essay would easily earn a perfect 6 on the AWA. The intro clearly advances a single perspective. Robbie even sets up the 3 body paragraphs in the first paragraph. The body paragraphs themselves are succinct, advancing the author’s argument without sounding dogmatic. Almost no deference is paid to the other side of the argument, a strategy I cannot endorse enough.

In the conclusion, Robbie again brings attention to the flaws in the author’s argument, and then goes on to show its ramifications.

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Sample of a GMAT Essay Scored a "5" http://www.knewton.com/blog/test-prep/sample-gmat-essay/ http://www.knewton.com/blog/test-prep/sample-gmat-essay/#comments Wed, 23 Sep 2009 17:03:54 +0000 http://blog.knewton.com/?p=431 Read more]]> Nice score. (photo by Leo Reynolds)

Nice score. (photo by Leo Reynolds)

This post was written by Josh Anish.

Knewton is your source for the best advice on your GMAT essays. Go to Knewton.com for more sample AWAs.

Analysis of Issue Prompt: Of all the manifestations of power, restraint in the use of that power impresses people most.

Displays of great strength are misguided attempts to gain ground or leverage over another party. In school, children are taught to respect the “strong, silent type.” And for good reason: those able to hold back the use of power should be held in the highest regard. “Heroes” more than willing to throw themselves into harm’s way before all facts are known should not be held up on a pedestal. Instead we should honor those who walk quietly and hold a big stick.

Private citizens aren’t the only ones who benefit from this modest mindset. Governments should strive to restrain the use of their power, in both domestic and international affairs. Leaders must make sure that we exercise caution and humility before diving into something for which we are not ready—not just in war or war planning, but in everyday decisions. Just because a nation can exercise its power to gain leverage over another nation or an individual, doesn’t mean it should. The world already knows the United States of America is the most powerful nation on earth. We should let it be known that the lives of our soldiers are far more important than the displaying of our strength.

The Cuban Missile Crisis in the 1960s is one the most well known example of a Presidential restraint in the face of possible calamity. President Kennedy could have sent the message to the Soviets that America would not back down in any way.Â  He didn’t and instead chose a deal unpopular even among his own cabinet. The United States showed restraint by removing missiles from Turkey, and the Soviets followed our example and pulled back from Cuba. Almost undoubtedly, this restraint stopped World War III.

This is not to say that America always uses restraint. For example, the current financial crisis happened because people believed that “might is right.” Gain all you can, as quickly as you can, and step on anyone in your path—for years this was the American motto. Just because a company can destroy its competition doesn’t mean they should. We do not need corporations flaunting there power for everyone to see. We need safe, transparent markets. The wealthy and powerful should use only honest practices in the business world.

History has judged that restraint will always gain the most respect and admiration from one’s peers, and enemies. We are impressed by greatness, but, perhaps more importantly, we cherish and honor humility.

Reasons why this essay was scored a 5.

This is a strong essay that is very good in almost every respect, but not excellent at anything in particular. For example, the introductory paragraph does a tremendous job of staking out a clear position, but does not necessarily set up the subsequent body paragraphs.

Organization-wise, this essay does well to follow the intro-body-body-body-conclusion 5-paragraph model. The supplementary paragraphs are strong examples of the author’s main point—that we are all better served by showing restraint. The only small problem here is that each of the examples comes from the realm of history, and we are often better served by a more eclectic suite—comprised of literary, personal, scientific, historical, and/or cinematic examples—of supporting points.

The writing is generally good, but is sometimes choppy. The author is able to express himself/herself very succinctly without feeling the need to include ornamental words or ideas. Nevertheless, there are a few grammatical blips, including the use of a plural pronoun for “company” and the use of the wrong “there” in the second-to-last paragraph.

Lastly, the conclusion does a nice job of summing up the thesis and the body paragraphs, but remains a sentence or two short. It is, admittedly, difficult to repeat the thesis and surmise the essay without sounding repetitive, but we should strive to do so in at least three sentences.

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GMAT Essay Series: A Perfect 6 Essay Sample http://www.knewton.com/blog/test-prep/sample-of-a-gmat-essay-scored-a-6/ http://www.knewton.com/blog/test-prep/sample-of-a-gmat-essay-scored-a-6/#comments Mon, 20 Jul 2009 17:25:46 +0000 http://blog.knewton.com/?p=102 Read more]]> How to Score a 6 on Your GMAT Essay Writing Score


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