Teach For America teacher blogs are on Teach For Us http://teachforus.org/region/greater-new-orleans/feed/ Tue, 24 Jan 2017 19:15:25 +0100 FeedCreator 1.7.2-ppt (info@mypapit.net) TWBAT stay calm and not get frustrated http://msallensclassroom.teachforus.org/2012/12/10/twbat-stay-calm-and-not-get-frustrated/ Through Teach for America (TFA), as well as the world of education, I have been introduced a ton of new acronyms that have become a common part of my everday vocabulary.  One of the most used and most important is SWBAT- students will be able to.  This is at the beginning of ever daily objective on my lesson plan and it is written on my whiteboard every day so that students, supposedly, know what their goal or purpose is in my class.  I refer to SWBAT about 50% of the time because the chaos of 7th and 8th graders entering my room usually takes up the "Introduction of New Material" (INM) part of my agenda.  But, in any case, it is always up...and for the most part, students know what it means. Anyone who knows me knows that I am not a yeller.  Yes, I AM a crier, but definitely not a yeller.  I do not like confrontation and I especially do not like anger.  I cry when I am feeling conflict and I hate fighting with others.  My voice doesn't even sound right as a yell.  But now I teach middle school.  I have yelled more in the last 5 months than I have in my life.  For all different reasons: to get my students' attention, out of frustration and out of anger.  I have sometimes yelled so loud that the class next door can hear.  All day I feel like I am yelling. Yelling is exhausting.  On Fridays I fall asleep before 11pm consistently because I am so physically and emotionally exhausted.  I was talking to one of the other TFA middle school teachers at my school about this and he explained it well-- we are constantly making fight or flight decisions.  We are constantly stressed and on edge.  And, we are constantly yelling.  We both made a pact to stop yelling.  Easier said than done.  When you are trying to teach a lesson that you spent the entire night before planning and 30 thirteen year olds (who are on 5th grade reading levels) are completely ignoring you, it is hard not to yell.  When Wayne comes running into my classroom knocking over everything in his path, it is hard not to yell.  When I find two eighth grade boys in the back of the room rolling my sticky notes into fake joints...well I yell. So the other morning, as I was writing the SWBAT on the board, I decided to write an objective for myself...TWBAT...teacher will be able to. <a href="http://cmallen1024.files.wordpress.com/2012/12/44954_10151545419834196_1681257156_n.jpg"><img src="http://cmallen1024.files.wordpress.com/2012/12/44954_10151545419834196_1681257156_n.jpg?w=580" alt="Image" /></a> I made it my objective to not yell and remain calm in my classroom.  I introduced it to my students and they were thrilled.  I was admitting to something that I had done wrong. (They love that.)  Then, we began to track my mastery. My students became incredibly invested in MY objective.  Each day we decided on a percentage of mastery for the class.  It was, unintentionally, a great way of building relationships. It also held me accountable for my actions.  One day I had to write 0% mastery on the board after throwing (and consequently breaking) my clipboard against the wall.  Having to write 0% on the board made me feel...well...stupid.  As I wrote the big goose egg on the board some  students were laughing, but others were disappointed. Then I explained, just as they come to school every day and work their hardest to achieve mastery (in theory), I will return tomorrow and do better.  I was showing my students a life lesson: sometimes SWNBT- students will NOT be able to.  Sometimes we do not achieve our objectives on the first time or every single day.  The important part is having those objectives and reaching for them each and every day. msallensclassroom Mon, 10 Dec 2012 01:38:39 +0100 Dear Students... http://msallensclassroom.teachforus.org/2012/12/10/dear-students/ Dear Students, In the past four months you have more than tested my patience.  You have made me cry more days than I can count.  You have cursed me out, written profanity about me all over my room, threatened me and even hit me.  You have caused me to lay awake in the mornings contemplating a personal day.  You have made me wonder what the hell else I can do. You have told me to quit.  You have made me want to quit.  At times, I have even quit in the middle of lessons for a few minutes.  You have not listened to my lessons, that I have written late at night or early in the morning.  You have not done the work that I have given you.  You refuse to sit in your assigned seats.  You do not say please or thank you.  You lose all the worksheets that I give you (and have spend too many hours formatting, printing and copying).  You do not walk in a line from class to class, and because of that I have nightmares and anxiety about passing time and transitions.  You beg and beg to go to the bathroom, but then when I take you on bathroom breaks you goof off and have dance parties.  You make a mess of my classroom.  You steal my things....on my birthday.  You have made me tell others to not become teachers.  You have broken my favorite 3-hole punch. Students, there have been days when i have hated you.  When you have made me feel like a failure in a job that I have always dreamt of doing and a job that has consumed my entire life.  You have made me tired.  More tired than I thought possible. I do not know why I go into work every, single day.  There are teachers who say they go in for those little successes, but I do not have those with you.  But, I go in.  Every single day I am at the door to greet you.  I politely say good morning, no matter what happened the day before.  I promise you, students, that that will never change.  Ever.  No matter what.  I will not quit on you, even if that's what you think you want.  I will continue to plan lessons.  I will continue to give you positive feedback and rewards.  I will continue to help you when you don't understand (even though most of the time you don't understand because you weren't listening).  I will continue to think outside of the box to create interesting lessons (even for you, Nassir, who is never happy with anything).  I will continue to turn the AC on and off thousands of times a day just to make you comfortable. I will stick up for you when another teacher is ready to write you up.  I will break up your fights.  I will try to understand where you are coming from.  I will believe in you.  (Even you Wayne, Broddrick, LeJuan and Demond...even when you are wasting your time misbehaving). I am stubborn, and yes, some days it is only the fact that I am stubborn that gets me to work. But, also, I will stay here because if I don't, who will?  If I don't show up then what does that teach you?  You deserve an excellent education.  I want to give you one. Hopefully someday you will understand.  Hopefully. Love, Ms. A msallensclassroom Mon, 10 Dec 2012 01:37:53 +0100 Wait, Who is the Teacher Here? http://msallensclassroom.teachforus.org/2012/12/10/wait-who-is-the-teacher-here/ After four months in the classroom, I think that I have learned more than my students.  There is a huge culture divide between myself and my students.  And while my job is to teach the kids reading a writing skills, I am often learning about their daily lives.  My students have also taught me a lot about being patient and having unconditional love and respect.  They have taught me a lot about myself, thing that I didn't know about myself for 23 years.  Damn, this teaching thing is hard.  But it has also shown me so much more about life. No matter how difficult a given day is, though, it is always different and  I am constantly learning.  I never know what to expect, especially with my uncontrollable 7th and 8th graders.  And maybe I can't get my kids to form a straight silent line, or my test scores aren't where they need to be.  I know I don't have classroom management and haven't developed that "IT" factor yet.  My lesson plans may not be exactly aligned to the scope and sequence or the LEAP test.  I lose my cool and show too much emotion in front of the kids.  Hell, my handwriting is still a little messy on the white board.  But I have learned, oh how I have learned. Here are a few things I know now, that I did not know on August 5th, 2012: 1. African-Americans and Caucasians do not have the same type of hair, therefore we do many different things with our hair. 2. Correct grammar is not taught in school (or at home) prior to 8th grade. 3. It is not a give that students will have a pencil at school.  It is also not a given that they will ask for a pencil at the beginning of class. 4. Cursing is ok.  Using the word God or Jesus in vain is not. 5. Hot cheetos are an appropriate breakfast food. 6. A kid will do ANYTHING, and I mean ANYTHING, when their lunch or recess is on the verge of being taken away. 7. When a 16 year old boy swings from the lights in m classroom, the lights are surprisingly durable. 8. When I wear earrings, they bring out my eyes. 9. Your things will get stolen if you leave them unattended. (i.e. phone, computer, pen, candy,  whiteboard marker, books, paper, change) 10. A warning does not stop a bad behavior.  Ever. 12. You may not know how to read, but you DO know every stat from the Saints game the day before. 13. If you are curious about a person's personal life, just ask. 14. All white people look the same. 15. All white people must be from Maine, because Ms. Allen is white and she is from Maine. Thank you Room 306.  Even on days that you learn nothing, I learn lots. msallensclassroom Mon, 10 Dec 2012 01:37:06 +0100 We Have Breaks for a Reason #sorryimnotsorry http://msallensclassroom.teachforus.org/2012/12/10/we-have-breaks-for-a-reason-sorryimnotsorry/ Recently I went to a Teach for America professional development.  There was a very nice opening 'ceremony' where TFA corps members past and present as well as TFA staff gathered together.  While the first years were trudging in with our mid-October "glow" (more like rolling eyes, messy hair and exhausted body) there was still a positive energy in the air.  I dread TFA PD just as much as anyone, but it is also nice and refreshing to be around hundreds of people who (kind of) understand what you are going through. (Although, there are really only 5 other TFA people who get what I am going through at my school...you all know who you are.)  All the corps members and our respective cliques found our seats and settled in.  Admittedly, I was grading papers and others around me were playing temple run on their phone or texting. As I listened, I started to become intrigued by the common theme of the speakers.  They all shared stories of success and inspiring moments when they knew they were making a difference...but what's more...they all mentioned how much they hated breaks (i.e. weekends, holidays, vacations, PD days).  Just to put this in perspective, this PD was taking place at the end of October (also called Doomtober, Darktober, etc) when we had not had a day off (unless it was a personal day) since Labor Day.  October is also the month where the honeymoon phases with students, if you are lucky enough to have one, ends.  The kids are cray.  And here I was sitting in the back row of a school auditorium listening to transformational teachers (3rd, 4th, 5th....8th year teachers) are telling me that they hate weekends.  "It stops progress toward our big goal" they claimed.  For a moment I felt guilty.  On Monday I think forward to Friday at 4pm when my students get on the bus.  I am consistently counting down to vacations, not because I hate my job, but because it gives me something to look forward to.  A reason to keep trucking.  And here, my role models, are making me feel badly for doing so.  I want to be like them, so I guess I should start hating breaks. Then I thought harder.  No matter how much I love or hate my job, no matter where I am, no matter how old I am I should not be deprived of the wondrous feeling of a Friday afternoon.  In high school, Fridays meant high school cross country races and football games.  In college, Fridays were a party.  Now, Fridays are a long run down St. Charles, happy hour and date night.  I am a teacher, but I am also a human.  We have weekends for a reason.  We, as humanity, need a break.  We need to recharge.  Whether we are the student or the teacher, we need a break. So no.  I will not strive to hate breaks.  No matter how good or bad of a teacher I am.  No matter how angelic or demonic my students are.  We have a break for a reason.  We have vacations for a reason.  We get vacation time and personal days for a reason.  I give my students brain breaks throughout the day.  I should get one too.  After having to be "on it" from 6:30am until 6:30pm from Monday through Friday I deserve two and a half days to relax.  I will not be sorry for that.  I will not feel like a bad teacher because on Wednesday at 11am I may let a thought about Friday creep into my head. In the words of a good college friend of mine, "Sorry, I'm not sorry." msallensclassroom Mon, 10 Dec 2012 01:36:02 +0100 "I've been bad for too many years." http://msallensclassroom.teachforus.org/2012/12/10/ive-been-bad-for-too-many-years/ I am sure every teacher, no matter what or where or when, can attest that there's always that <em>one </em>student.  The one that you just don't jive with.  No matter how hard you may try, you just can't find anything good about him.  (I say him because I also bet that it's usually a boy...)  With this student every day is a battle.  They walk in hating you and no matter what, they remain hating you.  Perhaps this is the student that you sometimes hope will be absent.  When the student isn't there, maybe, your lessons are smooth. While many of my students are difficult and most of them battle me every day, my <em>one</em> student is Wayne.  Wayne and I fought for months.  When he walked into my room every day I felt like leaving.  He was rude, disrespectful and got the entire class off track.  He would curse me out, misbehave and break things in my classroom.  One day he threw me against a wall.  He was suspended every so often, but it didn't help.  There were no redeeming qualities and we did not have an ounce of positivity in our relationship. Although, Wayne also made me keep coming back.  Although there were days when I hated him, yes <em>hated</em>, I never succumbed to giving up on him.  He was the student that made me plan for hours and hours on the weekend, he was the student who reminded me that I needed to be better, he was the student who would, during a bad lesson, tell me that I was doing a bad job.  In a way, I appreciated his honestly.  Wayne humbled me.  He brought me back to Earth...and then back out again some days.  He dove me absolutely insane.  INSANE.  But then reminded me why I do what I do. I spent months in this war with Wayne.  It was to the point where other students and teachers even knew that we, for lack of a better word, hated each other.  But one day in November it all changed.  Wayne, being his usual goof, challenged me to a push up contest.  And I won. It was as if I earned respect after that.  The next day Wayne sat down and quietly did all of his work.  I was amazed.  It was a night and day change.  Suddenly, there was no longer a battle to get Wayne to sit.  I didn't have to fill out disciplinary forms for him twice a day.  Frankly, I didn't even have to warn him.  He even asked me for help. <a href="http://cmallen1024.files.wordpress.com/2012/11/img_0049.jpg"><img src="http://cmallen1024.files.wordpress.com/2012/11/img_0049.jpg?w=300" alt="" width="300" height="189" /></a> Wayne still isn't perfect.  But really..who is? But my stomach no longer drops when he walks into the room.  Now, when I ask him to do something he doesn't curse me out (he doesn't do it either though).  The other day I got frustrated and said to him "Wayne, why can't you just be good."  He replied quickly "Because I've been bad for too many years." I appreciate your honesty Wayne. msallensclassroom Mon, 10 Dec 2012 01:34:45 +0100 "If you miss, we will boo you." http://msallensclassroom.teachforus.org/2012/12/10/if-you-miss-we-will-boo-you/ I learned during my students teaching at Norton High School that boys are obsessed with throwing paper balls into the trash can.  At any given moment during instruction  I would see something fly across the room out of the corner of my eye.  The only time it bothered me was when the students would miss a shot and I, being an OCD neat freak, would have to walk over and pick it up.  God forbid my boys picked it up themselves. When I was outlining the rules and procedures for my classroom this year I thought of the inevitable basketball shots into my trash can.  Rather than prohibit my 7th and 8th graders from shooting those god damn paper balls I decided to think outside the box.   Once you tell a preteen not to do something, they are going to do it just in spite of you.  (Little did I know my students simply just wouldn't listen.  It's not so much that they want to spite me as they just don't care.)  Putting best practices, high expectations and order in the classroom aside I came up with a clear rule for my NOLA students: you can shoot things into the trash can from across the room as long as you make it into the trash can.  My middle schoolers were amazed with this rule.  Surely, their teacher hadn't just told them it was OK for them to throw  things, or had she?  As I presented this rule to them I realized there then had to be a consequence for when students missed.  One that was bad enough to stop students from making shots that they would not make.  I then put myself in their minds.  When I was 13, 14, 15 (or ...16) what would have been the worst thing.  Humiliation from my peers.  Wait...before you get angry and think I am cruel...just keep reading! So, I decided that if you make a great paper ball shot...you will get the reward of a quick cheer or smile.  These students need all the positive reinforcement they can get and for some of them, those amazing paper ball shots are all they have.  BUT...if you miss...the class will boo you.  Yup, 30 of your peers AND your English teacher will boo your horrible shot.  (That's what will happen in the NBA if you miss a shot, ya know.)  Little did I know...something so strange and borderline inappropriate would have such a positive impact on the culture of my classroom.  It became a normal routine.  A student would miss a shot and all I would have to say is, "Well, you know the rule."  And the class would erupt into boo-ing.  The amazing thing though, is that this boo-ing would stop when I said stop AND it never caused the student being boo-ed to have an angry fit (an unpredictable yet consistent daily occurrence).  When a student is boo-ed he simply shrugs and smiles because, well, he knows the rule. If someone from the state, from TFA, from my school or the President walks into my classroom and a student throws something across the room to the trash can, this rule will remain.  My TFA mentor has seen it and it made her smile.  How can it not?  When my students follow directions, even if to boo another student, it is a positive thing.  My students are learning to take a shot.  Take it and the world won't end if you miss.  But, you know the rule... msallensclassroom Mon, 10 Dec 2012 01:34:00 +0100 "I want to go to Harvard...then when I am older I want to be a Supreme Court Judge." http://msallensclassroom.teachforus.org/2012/12/10/i-want-to-go-to-harvard-then-when-i-am-older-i-want-to-be-a-supreme-court-judge/ Myself and another teacher started a running club at my school.  This club is incredibly special because we have partnered with a New Orleans non-profit organization called Youth Run Nola (www.yrnola.org), an organization started by teachers to help empower low-income, NOLA youth through running.  This club and partnership have both proved to have incredibly positive impacts for myself and our amazing runners.  It also give us a chance to get to know other students in the school. We coach mostly 6th graders and neither of us teacher 6th grade.  It is so much fun to see our kids smiling, learning and gaining confidence through running...something that we both love for ourselves as well. I never imagined that this club would touch me that way that it has.  Furthermore, I never thought there would be moments in the club in which I was reminded why I teach.  Moments that make me want to go home and work twice as hard to become a better teacher.  Moments in which I am reminding why I do this in the first place.  These moments don't always take place in room 306.  Or even at school. One such moment occurred today, in City Park, just before the 1 mile mark.  I was running with Miguel, a bright, quiet, polite and very serious 6th grader on our teach. It was his first 5K ever and he told me his goal was to just have fun because "it doesn't matter if you come in last."  We were running and chatting and when I asked him where he  wanted to go to college he quickly (and seriously) replied "Harvard."  I encouraged him with a "WOW!" and he replied, "Or maybe Yale."  I then asked what he wanted to be.  "A lawyer."  YES!  I thought to myself.  I am so used to (and sick of) hearing my 8th graders say "Man, I don't have to read 'cuz Imma be a football pro."  It was exciting to hear Miguel's aspirations. We continued running for a few more silent steps and then Miguel added, "Then, when I get older...I want to be a judge.  Well, not just any judge...a Supreme Court judge."  Wow.  That is amazing aspiration for an 11 year old.  Especially an 11 year old growing up in New Orleans and not attending a private or charter school.  I promised Miguel that I would do everything I could to help him get into Harvard.  I truly believe in Miguel and wanted to instill in him confidence to get the job done...just as he did with race.  He didn't walk once and had a hell of a kick at the end. Thank you, Miguel.  Thank you for inspiring me, not only with how you ran, but with your passion and confidence and dreams.  Now...on to lesson plans. msallensclassroom Mon, 10 Dec 2012 01:32:12 +0100 "Ms. Uhhh, Ms. Uhhh...What Time It Is" and Other Language Barriers http://msallensclassroom.teachforus.org/2012/12/10/ms-uhhh-ms-uhhh-what-time-it-is-and-other-language-barriers/ We all have a dialect or accent.  Being from Maine and spending a lot of time in the Boston area, I am used to being told I have an accent (I don't).  Mainers (Mainahs) don't say their Rs.  Southerners have a drawl.  Bostonians and New Yorkers have totally separate accents (although I think they sound the same).  It's normal.  But...holy moly...New Orleans is a whole other beast.  I can't explain the different dialect.  It is, at times, very endearing and always interesting.  But, when you are an English teacher trying to teach 7th and 8th graders how to be professionals it starts to become a problem. I knew my students and I would speak differently.  To be politically incorrect...they are black and I am white.  I grew up in the north and they are growing up in the south.   But, I will still never forget the time I heard a student say "What time is it?"  I stopped and looked at the student and asked them to correct their speech.  "What time it is?" the student replied, puzzled.  I ignored him.  "Ughhhh....what time it is ma'am?"  said the student.  I laughed.  I wasn't looking for manners (for once) I was looking for grammar.  "It's WHAT TIME IS IT?"  I informed the student. In the following days and weeks in the beginning of the year I learned many new phrases: "Who that is?"  "What that be?"  "Where that is?"  *Shudder*  Grammar and correct speaking has become my one battle that I have chosen.  I have given up on getting my kids to stop cursing.  I have given up on getting them to walk into my classroom silent.  But I'll be darned...my kids will gain mastery on saying "What time is it Ms. Allen?"  That's another thing...it's NOVEMBER and my students still say "Ms. Uhhh...um..."  But anyway, back to the issue at hand.  My students need to learn how to speak correctly (at least when they are in school).  The reason for this is simple:  if students can speak correctly it will be easier to help them write correctly.  Furthermore, when students speak correctly they are taken more seriously in their jobs.  It's hard to get 8th graders to think that far ahead...but it's true! My students did push back (c'mon they are 13 year olds OF COURSE they did!).  They accused me of changing the way they speak because they are black.  This was a tough one to explain.  I had to somehow make them realize that I was not upset with the way they spoke because they were black, but rather because there's a certain way to speak at school and they need to realize that there's a time and a place for everything.  Needless to say, I still get the comments like "Man, you think we talk stupid." or "Ms. A you tryin ta change us."  But...I also occasionally hear students correcting other students "She isn't going to answer you unless you say what time IS IT!"  The grammar war in my classroom is far from over and I still lose often.  However, I win moments of certain battles. <strong>Vocabulary I Have Learned From My Kids:</strong> 1. You be blowin me- (yes, I know what you are thinking) Translation: You are annoying me or yelling at me too much 2. He ribbin'- Translation: He is annoying me. 3. Yo, I just dicked you- Translation: I just intercepted the football (or any object being thrown...trash, food, basketball, notebook, novel, marker....) from you 4. You about to get snuck- Translation: I am about to hit you because I am mad 5. cold drink = my diet coke 6. cuttin up = misbehaving in school <strong>Vocabulary My Students Have Learned From Me:</strong> 1. please 2. excuse me 3. chilly 4. blizzard msallensclassroom Mon, 10 Dec 2012 01:31:01 +0100 Welcome to Room 306 http://msallensclassroom.teachforus.org/2012/12/10/hello-world/ So, it might make sense to start a blog about your classroom with a fun 'First Day of School' or with an inspirational anecdote about why teaching is my life's work, right?  But I wanted to start this blog as an honest view of what my job is like teaching 7th and 8th at a low-income elementary school in New Orleans East. Don't get me wrong, I have always wanted to be a teacher, I love teaching, I am a proud Teach for America corps member and my students some of the most important humans in my life.  With that said, though, I have also experienced the unimaginable in the first 3 months of my school year.  I am writing not only to share the insane and sometime horrific stories, but also to give others a peek into the 'other' America.  One that not many people "from away" get to experience first hand.  One that I, a white girl from suburban Maine, knew nothing about until Aug. 6th when 27 8th graders walked (or came running) into my life.<a href="http://cmallen1024.files.wordpress.com/2012/11/img_0058.jpg"><img src="http://cmallen1024.files.wordpress.com/2012/11/img_0058.jpg?w=580" alt="Image" /></a> The reason I am starting now, and not 3 months ago, is because it took 3 months for me to realize the insanity that is teaching and the unfairness that is the achievement gap.  I never thought this job would be easy, especially with 7th and 8th graders and especially in New Orleans.  But man, has my world been rocked.  After seeing many mortified faces after telling stories about what is, to me, just another day at school I have realized that most people may not even know what the achievement gap is.  Some may not even realize how important education is, not because they are uneducated, but because it has been a normal value in throughout their entire life.  It was in mine.  My students have taught me more in the 3 months than I will probably teach them in this entire year (no, but seriously).  I have learned that some students come home after a long day at school (our school day is from 8:10am until 5:00pm) and then begin taking care of their younger siblings and cousins because all the adults in their home are working.  Some of my students don't have time to do homework because they get home from school past 7:00pm.  Many of my students read below grade level because below grade level has always been acceptable.  Some of my students need to be on IEPs (Individualized Education Plans) that provide them with legal rights and accommodations but in their 8 years of schooling they have slipped through the cracks.  I have two students with ankle bracelets (that's right, they are 8th graders who have been to jail), one of my students is currently in jail and many have been or have pending court dates.  Several of my male students think that college is a way for them to become a better football player or a means to the NFL...NOT a means to a diploma.  And then there are the ones who just hate school.  Everyday I am facing something so much bigger than myself, TFA and so far bigger than this country.  It has to be shared.  It has to change. msallensclassroom Mon, 10 Dec 2012 01:26:55 +0100 On Sustainability. http://thelearningcurve.teachforus.org/2012/11/13/on-sustainability/ It's been so long since I've written, but that actually underscores the point of why I'm writing now: because, in terms of how busy I am from hour to hour and day to day, my responsibilities as a teacher have increased significantly! I barely have a free minute to myself anymore. Because I can't really process long-form right now, let's list it out. This isn't where I thought I'd be as a second year teacher, for many reasons. 1) After a full year of doggy paddling and, at times, drowning, I assumed that a second year in elementary school teaching would provide at least a sense of continuity and consistency. This is not true for me this year because I have changed schools and grade levels, and anyone who has ever taught at the ECE or elementary level knows the huge differences between each year of school from K-4. 2) My new school is a part of a nationally successful and high-performing charter school network, which is at once very enlightening (so many opportunities to develop professionally) and incredibly taxing (so many responsibilities to own, some of which are very unfamiliar given my background at a very dysfunctional school environment last year). 3) I taught for two years prior to joining TFA. I was in a variety of classrooms teaching a LifeSkills program to a variety of ages (most often grades 3-5, 7, and 9). I learned a world of things about classroom management and teaching each lesson with momentum. Still, teaching 1st grade this year is like being the only senior citizen running a college cross country meet. I lose my energy at about 11 am every day and my caffeine intake is reaching downright disgusting levels. I also might die from kidney failure soon. 4) My new school has made me about a billion times more organized and efficient. But it's also made me feel about a trillion times crazier. If I don't schedule every minute of my weekdays, I forget something significant. I do not have a phone relationship with most of my friends anymore; I do not blame this on my job but on my constant need to tend to my own skillset, at home, at school, after school, etc. It feels like I have very little room to be a social being. 5) Relentless pursuit is just a lot more dogged and exhausting than it sounds. So lately, I've been thinking a lot about the sustainability of my job. I have been trying to discern whether the difficulties I am experiencing this year are because of a lower time management capability than my coworkers, a steep learning curve going from one grade level to another with very little experience, the expectations of my school's principal and charter network, the need for my kids to get an extremely talented, organized and efficient educator in order to be on the path for college, the desire to make some real decisions about where my life is going, or some strange, vacuous amalgam of all of those things. Truthfully, it's probably all of those things, plus some other things thrown on top. But I don't know what to do with what's in front of me. Do I consider a 3rd year despite how I feel right now? Do I move into another phase of my life, with the knowledge that I'd like to stay in education and, if we're being honest, will probably come right back to the classroom sooner rather than later anyway? I don't know. Some of my issues arise specifically from the system I work in - my school requires A LOT of time in a day and the weekend, and to adjust to that change from last year, I'm running myself ragged. But some of these issues would be the same no matter where I taught. The grass is hardly ever greener, people. There will always be a pro-con list for anything else I could be doing. The hard part is parsing out which side is longer and to which I'm most committed. Alas. A truth will come. My liver, kidneys and bloodshot eyes beg it to be soon. thelearningcurve Wed, 14 Nov 2012 02:59:04 +0100