Time magazine ran a story about bracelets, rumored to be advertisements of sexual proclivities. Somewhere, someone decided that the bracelets were "sexual code," for teenagers as the color of the bracelet worn corresponds to an act already performed, or an act to be performed once it is "snapped" from the wrist, the former or latter definition depending on your circle of friends.

If you are a product of the 1980's like me, you will remember the black plastic bracelets that Madonna popularized. Stacked almost to the elbow, they were as much a part of her look as the rhinestone boy toy belt or the rosary beads. If the same were true then as it is rumored to be true today, Madonna was a very busy girl.

What about fashion for fashion's sake? Why all the symbolism and connotations? If I went to second base with every kid on the bus who was after my fluorescent pink half glove, who knows where I'd be today? I'd be a victim, and not just of fashion.

Teenagers have it hard enough. Now kids are stigmatized by the social implications foisted on them because of some silly bracelets. By banning the once harmless accessory, parents and teachers have unwittingly compounded the problem. And in the process, they have taken the fun out of fashion.

Adults however, should wear color-coded bracelets to signal certain propensities like emotional unavailability, or a wandering eye. We could speed up the whole getting-to-know- you-process. The accessories become short hand for dating, not sexual behavior. How much fun is it to know in advance that I'm a great kisser? Rather, the colors signify more relevant information, critical when choosing a mate.

Those wearing red bracelets are newly divorced; the number worn indicates the number of kids at home. A black bracelet signals committment problems and is often worn with red. The red-black combination speaks of one's fragility, whereas black alone, speaks of one's ego.

A yellow bracelet is worn by those who still live at home. Consider this: you might run into mom and dad in the hallway along an early morning walk of shame. It's not uncommon to see blue bracelets---intimacy issues---worn with yellow. Green bracelets alert potential mates to credit card debt or gambling addiction---depending on your circle of friends.

It's like wearing your baggage on your sleeve, not your heart. And because no one is without flaws, we could pick and choose our battles. On the first date, he may not mention his controlling mother, but his pink bracelet would. Forget about the first date, you could pass him up altogether if you couldn't deal with dating the mother, too. Why find out six months in, when it's too late, that you'll never be the priority in the relationship?

It's an unorthodox idea, but it could just be the answer. Both aesthetically pleasing and highly informative, the bracelets would help countless men and women see the forest for the trees. A color-coded bracelet is the next best thing following the testimonial of a former significant other.

The bracelets are a steal at three for a dollar, but knowing what you're getting into: priceless.