Would You *Bleep* Someone With an STD?

Before you answer, consider that a potential partner could be asking himself that same question about you. After all, half of sexually active people end up with an STD by age 25. And no, their sex lives don't—and shouldn't—come to a screeching halt. Women's Health reports on the smartest, safest ways to navigate this new normal. No judgments, just advice.

Ture Lillegraven

The New Normal
"It can't happen to me" doesn't coexist easily with "It did happen to me." It's a psychological double whammy: Infected women blame and judge themselves and feel blamed and judged by others. "They see themselves as damaged and assume others will too," says Stamoulis.

The truth is that the medical reality of an STD often pales in comparison to the emotional fallout, says ob-gyn Melissa Goist, M.D., an assistant professor at The Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center. "Physically, something like chlamydia, for example, is just an infection, like a cold," notes Goist. When caught early, it is easily treated with azithromycin.

Of course, medical facts don't always change public opinion, leaving STD patients anxious and without practical information. One common fear is that they'll be denied health insurance coverage. Hansen says she has never been refused insurance payment for treating an STD. "Preexisting conditions are given numeric scores by insurance companies and, with the exception of HIV, having an STD could never bump up someone's score enough to prevent coverage," says Chelle Moat, M.D., M.P.H., a medical director at Premera Blue Cross. (HIV remains a serious disease and is a topic worthy of its own feature story.)

Another unwarranted fear is that an STD equals instant infertility. Left untreated, certain curable ones, including chlamydia and gonorrhea, can leave scarring in the reproductive organs, which can lead to fertility woes. HPV and herpes don't typically affect fertility, but an outbreak during pregnancy could hurt the baby and thus requires a C-section. The critical factor is ID'ing an infection before it can progress or threaten baby-making plans; share all of your health history with your doctor and get tested before you get knocked up.

Post-infection, though, the fear of a damaged love life looms largest of all. The worry can be so paralyzing that infected women often opt out of any intimacy at all. "But the reality is that the millions of people with STDs aren't all staying home; they're dating and falling in love and having kids," says Stamoulis. She helps her clients deal with shame and stigma through a talk-therapy process called cognitive restructuring, in which she counters false thoughts ("STDs are dirty") with facts ("STDs are no dirtier than the common flu"). Besides, the infections' sheer prevalence means your next partner will likely have had his own STD experience.


Issue date: July/August 2012

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