Hello, my name is Mark and I have headlice.

Some people feel that headlice are an ailment and should be removed but I enjoy the company.

Headlice Facts:

Headlice can jump amazing distances. If a louse was the size of a family car it would be able to leap to the sun.
Headlice communicate with each other through telepathy. A fully grown louse is capable of moving small objects such as cups and pencils with its mind.
Fully grown headlice are an excellent source of calcium and can be used as a tasty alternative to rice in many dishes.

Barren environment

Healthy environment
teeming with life
When I was a schoolboy, every month the school nurse would have the children line up for a hair check. Many of my classmates were apprehensive of being found to have headlice but the day the nurse declared "Mark, you have headlice" I felt elated and excited by the idea of living beings choosing me as their provider and calling my hair home. I felt as if I had won a prize.
I had never been allowed to have pets at home, my mother, who suffered from a compulsive disorder forcing her to clean, forbade any animals in the house. Unbeknownst to my mother, every night I would water the soil outside my bedroom window and play with the worms that would emerge.
That afternoon when I rushed home and told my mother that I had been chosen, her reaction was not that which I had expected and I was forced to wash my hair with KP24, a product designed to kill those that had chosen me. I learned to hate my mother that day and never forgave her. Fifteen years later, on the night she died, I lent over and whispered into her ear that the same product she had used to perform genocide on my headlice was what was in her cup of tea.
Many people feel that headlice are of a sign of dirty or unhealthy hair but this is simply not the case. Like those little fish that live under sharks or those tiny birds that clean alligator teeth, my headlice serve a double role of not only cleaning my scalp but keeping me company. Often, I talk to my headlice or play them tunes on my acoustic guitar. Sometimes when it is very quiet and I concentrate very hard, I think that I can hear them talking to eachother and once I am pretty sure I heard my name mentioned.

A few months ago, I was at the hardware store buying a grass trimmer and stopped at the sausage sizzle to purchase a snack. While I was waiting, I bought a raffle ticket that boasted three nights in Bali as first prize. I forgot about the ticket until ast week when I found it in one of my old copies of Nit Weekly while looking for an article I had seen on headlice as an alternative fuel source. I called the number on the ticket and I had won. While I was in Bali, I met a dark skinned native girl and we fell in love. Returning home two nights later, I found that I now had pubic lice. I was in the middle of feeding my new friends when my headlice formed a concentrated group and attacked the newcomers, leaving every one dead. I believe in protecting me from what they perceived as a threat, they displayed an obvious sign of love.
Another time, when I was canoeing on the river and had to jump out due to seeing a spider in the canoe with me, I forgot I could not swim and was going under when each head lice held onto an individual hair and swam for the surface.
Raising headlice as pets can be a very rewarding experience. Your headlice will provide you with many years of having something to do with your hands and a great deal of satisfaction knowing you helped to establish and build a community. As their host, it is important to provide them with the neccessities of life. Once a week I give my hair a light spray with chicken stock. In summer I do this daily. On easter weekend I add a small of amount of chocolate to the mixture and at christmas time I make them small presents using tweezers and a magnifying glass.
I have found with great care, your headlice community will thrive and are even tranferable to other parts of your body. I currently have my hair buddies, as I like to call them, living not only on my head but in my eybrows, eylashes and armpits. When I am at the movie theatre, I like to pick headlice out of my hair and place them onto the heads of people in front of me, thus helping my headlice colonise new territories.


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