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The Entitlement Epidemic: Who's Really to Blame?

Why do so many young people today have an inflated sense of entitlement? And who's to blame?

The list of suspects is long, and includes the state of California, Burger King, FedEx, MTV -- and parents, especially parents.

Moving On columnist Jeffrey Zaslow and Act One columnist Emily Meehan discuss allegations that young adults act entitled.

I compiled the list this month, after more than 1,000 psychologists, educators and observant readers contacted me in response to my recent column headlined "Blame It on Mr. Rogers." That column included a premise some found too provocative: Did TV icon Fred Rogers contribute to our entitlement epidemic by telling children they were "special"?

Many readers appreciated the arguments. But others felt the column was unfair to target Mr. Rogers, who was such a positive influence. I hadn't expected that column to be taken so literally, and I should have articulated the fact that Mr. Rogers also encouraged hard work and mutual respect. It's not his fault if others now misinterpret the "special" language he popularized.

The truth is, our entitlement problem has many roots:

  • Indulgent parenting. Several readers argued that our kids are more capable than we think. Why do we make their beds and pour their juice long after they could do it themselves? Other readers asked why we give kids so many choices, from what's for dinner to the station on the car radio. And why do we do so much trouble-shooting for them, which leaves them dependent as young adults?

Susan Lewis, who teaches at University of Maryland Eastern Shore, calls the cellphone "the world's longest umbilical cord." At her school, when students don't like their grades, some come up after class, hand over their cellphones and say, "My mom wants to talk to you."

Psychologist David Walsh says entitled parents and kids suffer from DDD -- "discipline deficit disorder" -- with symptoms such as impatience and inflated expectations. His book "No: Why Kids of All Ages Need to Hear It and Ways Parents Can Say It" has led to a movement in his home state. Minnesota Say Yes to No is a coalition of parents and educators working to counteract the culture of "more, fast, easy and fun."

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Some colleges are also combating young people's sense of entitlement. At Loyola University Chicago's Graduate School of Business, Mary Burns teaches a course modeled after her book "Entitled to What? A Reality Check for the Generation Entering Corporate America."

  • Consumer culture. TV shows such as MTV's "My Super Sweet 16" celebrate acquisitive lifestyles. Meanwhile, advertising fosters entitlement. Consider Burger King's slogan "Have it your way." Tim Curran of Omaha, Neb., believes it encouraged rudeness and selfishness, leading people to become "unglued over minutiae," such as burgers that arrive with unwanted pickles.

FedEx began as a service for packages that "absolutely, positively" have to get there overnight. The slogan helped cement the idea that everyone is entitled to instant gratification, argues Jonathan Spira, CEO of Basex Inc., a business research firm.

  • The self-esteem movement. In 1986, California created a state task force on self-esteem. Schools nationwide later adopted "everybody's a winner" philosophies. One teacher told me that her superiors advised her to tell students that she liked their smiles, or the way they sat up straight, rather than focusing on, say, their failed spelling tests.

Yes, it's important for kids to like themselves. But many readers long for some balance. One California woman wrote that her grandchildren are being raised on "self-esteem babble." This year, her grandson wanted to play trumpet in the school talent show, but hardly practiced. Every note he played was wrong, yet he thought he was "awesome."

At the show, so many acts were horrible, though the kids seemed proud, the grandmother wrote. "One child had real talent, but my grandchildren couldn't see past their own self-absorption to even recognize it."

There are remedies, if adults are willing to model good behavior. Syd Corbett, a teacher in Ocala, Fla., says he keeps reminding students: "Self-esteem comes from the self doing something worthy of esteem."

Feeling 'Special'

Readers targeted numerous causes, including:

  • Facebook, MySpace: Social sites exacerbate teens' inherent self-absorption.
  • Supersizing: As autos, TVs, burgers and homes get larger, so do our appetites.
  • Overpaid CEOs: Role models for those who feel they deserve more than others.
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