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wikiHow to Be Thankful Instead of Sorry

Three Methods:Saying “Thank You” Instead of “I’m Sorry”Finding Things for Which to be ThankfulManaging Your SorrowCommunity Q&A

Feeling sorry is a natural human emotion, but recent psychological research suggests that practices of expressing gratitude and thanks instead of sorrow have a positive impact on a person’s overall well-being.[1] Replacing sorrow with thanks can be challenging in the moment, but ultimately it may have strong emotional and mental benefits. To practice thanks when you feel sorry, verbally express thanks to yourself and others, find things to be thankful for in your daily life, and work on managing your sorrow in healthy ways when it comes.

Saying “Thank You” Instead of “I’m Sorry”

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    Thank people for their actions toward you. Instead of apologizing for your less-than-ideal actions toward others, thank them for their understanding actions toward you. If you were late, for example, say, “Thank you for being patient while I was running late,” rather than simply apologizing.[2]
    • This lets others know that you not only understand that your actions had consequences on them, but allows you to acknowledge and appreciate that others went out of their way to accommodate you.
    • Giving thanks should be sincere, just like an apology. Truly consider what you appreciate about someone else’s actions toward you in a situation where you feel the need to apologize. Then, thank them for that action.
    • Understand that there are some circumstances where an apology may be more appropriate or where both an apology and expressing gratitude may be appropriate. For example, if you spill your coffee on a stranger, then you might say something like, "I am so sorry I stained your blouse! Thank you for being so understanding and kind about it."
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    Give thanks for criticism. In many cases, such as at school or work, criticism is often intended to be constructive. Even if the person criticizing you does not deliver their message in the most constructive way, try to thank them for their feedback.[3]
    • When someone criticizes you, tell them, “I am thankful for your feedback and will try to apply it going forward.”
    • Do not be afraid to ask questions when someone critiques you or your work. Especially in a workplace environment, the more you understand about why a person is critiquing you, the more you can do to work on the problem.
    • Know that you do not have to take all criticism to heart. When someone offers you non-constructive criticism, thanking them and then letting the issue go shows strength and confidence.
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    Stop apologizing to yourself. Instead of thinking critically about yourself, try thanking yourself for what you did do right, even in situations that did not go as planned. Think about the situation, and let yourself know, “I’m thankful that I made this decision in this situation because…”[4]
    • Even if you did not make the best choice or take the best action in a given circumstance, you can still be thankful for your choice because it provided you with the opportunity to reflect, learn, and improve in the future. Try to remind yourself that you are a work in progress and that mistakes are opportunities for you to learn and grow.
    • Talk to yourself in the mirror or write a letter letting yourself know why you are thankful. Even if it seems silly at the time, communicating with yourself helps reaffirm why you are thankful.

Finding Things for Which to be Thankful

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    Take inventory of what you have. Being grateful has been suggested to improve happiness and build stronger social bonds.[5] Start finding what you are grateful for by taking inventory of what you have in your life that you enjoy.
    • Write a list of things you appreciate in your own life so that you can look back and reflect when you are feeling down. You can also invite friends and family members to help you create this list by adding their own items to it. This may help you to see things that you might not have considered.
    • Consider everything you have, from larger or more conceptual ideas such as the opportunity to earn a living or pursue a quality education down to the little things that make every day better, like your favorite snack.
    • Include people such as friends and family as well as pets if you are appreciative of them in your life.
    • Look online for lists others have created talking about what they are grateful for to help give you ideas.[6]
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    Write a journal. Journaling is a particularly effective tool for times when you need to work through sorrow to a point of being thankful. Take some time and write about what you currently feel sorry about, but also find some specific moments in your day for which you are thankful.[7]
    • Try to avoid expressing gratitude toward the same things every day. Instead, challenge yourself to find a few new and specific things each day for which you are thankful.[8]
    • For example, instead of saying you are thankful to have a friend in your life, instead cite a specific reason you are glad to have that friend, such as noting how they brightened your mood when they told a joke that day.
    • When you are feeling sorry, read over your journal to remind yourself of what you have to be thankful for in your life, even when times are rough. Another option is to post your gratitude list somewhere you will see it every day. This can help to keep you focused on the things you are grateful for.
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    Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness is a practice by which one tries to be fully aware of the present instead of focusing on the past or future. Practice mindfulness by taking some time each day to simply sit and observe the world around you. Put all of your focus and energy into knowing what is happening around you, rather than giving in to worries about the past or the future.[9]
    • When you practice mindfulness, it allows you to notice what you have around you. You focus less on what you are lacking, and start to build gratitude toward the world around you.
    • Start practicing mindfulness by setting aside small amounts of time, just ten to fifteen minutes a day, to notice the world around you. To get started, close your eyes and focus on what you hear, smell, and feel around you. Then open your eyes and try to see if you notice anything you have never noticed before. When you catch your mind wandering, gently bring it back by focusing on something happening around you.

Managing Your Sorrow

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    Allow yourself to grieve. If you truly have something about which you feel sorry, do not ignore the emotion. Instead, allow yourself time to reflect and feel sorry. Set aside a period of time each day where you allow yourself to simply feel sorry and cope with your emotions.[10]
    • If you feel yourself being overcome by sorrow outside of this period, try to remind yourself that you will have time to properly cope with your emotion.
    • Outside of your designated grief time, work on your thankfulness. Try to find the positive in time not specifically set aside for your sorrow.
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    Talk to someone about how you are feeling. Talking to a trustworthy friend or family member may help you to process your feelings. Try calling up someone who will be supportive and a good listener. Share honestly about how you have been feeling and listen to what your loved one has to say about it.
    • You can start by saying something like, “Lately I have been feeling really sorry about _____ and it has been having a negative effect on me.”
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    Find out if there is something you can do to make amends. Making amends for the thing you are feeling sorry about may help to make you feel better and make it easier to forgive yourself as well. Try asking the person what you could do to make it up to them, or consider the situation and what might be an appropriate response.
    • For example, if you broke a treasured trinket that belonged to one of your office mates, then you might make amends by purchasing them a new one.
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    Try meditation. When you feel overcome by sorrow, try meditation to clear your head. If you are new to meditation, pick one thing completely unrelated to your sorrow on which you can focus. Close your eyes, relax your body, and focus on that one thing to move your mind away from the sorrow.[11]
    • You could focus your attention on a mantra such as, “I can positively handle any negative emotions that come my way,” or on a mental image that makes you happy or thankful, like that of a close friend or special pet.
    • You may opt to meditate when you are feeling especially down or sorrowful, or you may choose to make meditation part of your daily life to help keep sorrow away.
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    Find one benefit. When things get rough, it is important not only to allow yourself time to recognize your sorrow, but also to find something positive to help you move forward. Take a look at your situation and look for one positive aspect, even if it is small.[12]
    • For example, if you receive bad marks on an exam or a poor performance review at work, you can assure yourself that you have the benefit of friends or family to help comfort you.

Community Q&A

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    • Being thankful does not come easily and is not appropriate in all situations. Allow yourself to acknowledge your emotions and build thanks around them, rather than ignoring them.
    • Gratitude and thanks should be practiced on a daily basis to help cultivate a thankful mindset. Make room in your daily life for journaling, thanking others, or other thankful practices.

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    Categories: Guilt and Forgiveness | Social Interactions


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