Tips for Parents in a Time of Anxiety: Helping Kids Cope through the COVID-19 Social Isolation Period





What you can do:

  1. Limit News and Social Media to no more than twice per day for you and your family. You won’t miss anything AND you’ll be more present and relaxed throughout the day. When there is uncertainty, our brains which are designed to protect us, are primed to seek information that can keep you safe. So, there’s always a really strong pull to access news. The irony is that we actually feel more anxious the more information seeking we do. The more we check the news, the message we send to our brain is that we are in danger. You end up actually repeating the worry again in your mind, which increases your anxiety, which then leads you to want to check the news again! Before long, we are stuck in a worry cycle where we are not really seeking information anymore, we are seeking reassurance – anything that might provide some relief - either through escape or through reassuring news, so this includes social media. Help yourself and your family truly relieve anxiety by reducing the number of times you check your phone.
  2. Chart out the Week. You’ve heard this hundreds of times by now: keep a daily schedule. Stability and structure are important for well-being and reassuring to children. Maintain your child’s typical waking times, meals, and bedtimes andmost importantly make sure their day includes doing some type of work – both academic and chores. Reducing demand creates apathy and boredom and it makes it harder to pick up again when it’s time for regular demands like normal school days and homework. But be sure to plan lots of “play” time including “free” or unstructured time - it’s the thing they need most to drive creativity and positive emotion.  It also helps them feel less distracted during their “work” timebecause it eliminates the feeling of being deprived.
  3. Demonstrate calm and confidence(even when you don't feel calm or confident inside!).Speak in a calm and confident voice. Validate their feelings (“It’s understandable that you feel scared/bored/angry”). It is OK to reassure your child. Children are still developing their understanding of the world and don't have the range of life experiences that we do, so they are not ready to consolidate information that doesn't fit with what they understand just yet. So,it is OK to reassure them that “We’re going to be OK,” even if you are not 100% sure yourself. We shouldn't lie to them, but we also shouldn't give them information they may not yet know how to wrap their minds around. Find out what they know and go from there. Stick to answering questions and ask them what questions they have. Give answers that are clear and short and don't add too many details that they may not understand.
  6. Try to keep a 5:1 positive to negative attention ratio. Kids express worry in ways that are not always clear. They don't have the words or the practice identifying emotions that we do.They may be more impatient, crankier, or more obstinate, than usual. Be patient and stick with the plan to accept imperfection. They are reacting to the stress in the environment and the change in the normal routine and don't know how to soothe themselves. Positive attention is reassuring and calming and makes everyone feel good. Shoot for giving 5 statements of positive feedback for every 1 piece of negative feedback you give each day.  The kind of behavior that you are looking for is also more likely to come when your child is getting more positive attention than negative.

