Sunday, August 30, 2009

Knitters and Crocheters Needed To Honor Infant Loss

The International Center for Traditional Childbearing (ICTC) is trying to call attention to the issue of infant mortality.

They are asking that as many people as possible knit baby hats (preemie or full-term) and send them to their local ICTC chapter by Sept 15th.

September is Infant Mortality Awareness Month. We are drawing attention to infant mortality by knitting or crocheting one baby hat for every baby that did not reach its first birthday.
I am sure many of us in the birth community (and outside it too) have known women whose babies have died and never made it to their first birthday. There are many difficult things in the world, definitely, but this surely has to be one of the hardest.

One of the difficult things about working in the birth community for an extended period of time is that sooner or later, someone you know loses a baby. Several beloved friends of mine have lost babies over the years, mostly to stillbirth, and I honor the memories of these babies. In addition, a dear online friend of mine lost her baby at term just a few months ago, so this is near and dear to my heart in particular right now.

While stillbirth is technically not the same as infant mortality (infant mortality are the babies who die in the first year after being born alive), that's stastistical hair-splitting to me. Yes, I understand the statistical reason for separating these categories, but to me emotionally, a baby's death is a baby's death, and they are all tragic.

Therefore, I still feel I am honoring my friends' stillborn babies by drawing attention to the ICTC project, even though technically they are not part of the infant mortality stats. In addition, I am honoring the babies of other women I know who are part of the official infant mortality stats because they died from SIDS or similar causes. Regardless of cause or timing, I mourn them all and I honor them all.

Here is a link to an organization ( that is working with the ICTC on this project, and which also has links to infant hat patterns right on the site. If you'd like to help but don't have any patterns, be sure to go to the following site and then follow the links:

The same patterns can also be found on the ICTC website at:

Here is the full description of the project from another website:

The ICTC State Representatives are listed on, or you can send them to ICTC, PO Box 11923, Portland, OR 97211.



This campaign is being co-sponsored by Birthing Hands of DC and other supporters. To learn more, visit or call 503.460.9324.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Pig Pen Lives

Yes, it's true, "Pig Pen" from the Peanuts comic still survives, and in fact is living in my house, masquerading as my younger son.

This child is the sweetest kid on the earth, very sensitive, loving and kind, with a particular affinity for animals. He has a huge stuffed animal collection that must be kissed every night before bed, and he absolutely DOTES on our cats and our bunnies. He really is a sweet, wonderful, loving child and a real light in my life.

But Oh My God, he is the most hygienically-challenged child to ever live on this earth.....or so it feels sometimes.

My husband, Mr. WellRounded, was packing to take the older three kids to a special camp this weekend. He told the kids what they needed and told them to go pack it in a back-pack. He wouldn't check up on whether they actually packed what they were supposed to, though, and knowing my younger son the way I do, I decided I'd better check.

The child had simply "re-purposed" a bunch of dirty clothes from his last Cub Scout campout. He had dirty, smelly socks in there, dirty pants and wadded up shirts, and worst of all, some rather nasty underwear with major "skidmarks" all over them (I may end up burning them). Thank goodness I made a point to check his pack!

So off we went, down to his room to get clean clothes. I had told this child to clean his room several times over the last few weeks but had not personally checked it recently. He swore to me it was perfectly clean. Uh-huh.

Well, it was "clean" in that there was a path from the door to the bed, but that's about it. Every inch of dresser and bookshelves was covered in the "treasures" of childhood, there were piles of books and comics all over the floor, and the dirty laundry was overflowing from his hamper (despite a number of requests to bring it to the laundry room the week previous).

I'm concerned this child will be a pathological hoarder because he seems to be unable to edit his own stuff. No paper is ever thrown out, no matter how trivial or inconsequential. Anything he has ever made, no matter how cheesy, can ever be discarded. I work with him on editing his schoolwork and paintings and such, and he helps me choose what to keep and what to recycle....but he doesn't seem to be able to do this on his own. Even with my help it's very difficult, much more so than with his siblings.

I asked him this summer to bring up any clothes that were too small so we could give them to the cousins. Nothing ever came up. When I went down to his room yesterday, he had so many clothes in the drawers that he couldn't shut the drawers. He had everything from a size 8, 10, 12, and 14.....all at the same time in those drawers. Even though most things were clearly too small for him, he couldn't manage to organize them into a pile or consider letting them go. It was just too much for him to do on his own.

Well, I don't expect that a 9 year-old will be able to edit everything on his own, but by now he should be able to edit some stuff without me there during the whole process. His older siblings could at this age. And while cleanliness is a struggle for all of them (they think I'm a cleaning fanatic; trust me when I say I'm not!), none of them struggle quite as much as this child does.

He's also a walking stain-attractor. You can give him a perfectly clean shirt first thing in the morning, and before he leaves the house for school it has a stain on it. All of his clothes are covered in stains. I should buy him stock in the "Shout" company because we use so much of it on his clothes. Every kid gets some stains and I'm not that uptight about that.....but this kid is a walking petri dish.

Clean socks? Sometimes.....but often not. Often it's regular shoes with no socks, rather than go get a pair of clean ones. I don't know what he has against clean socks, but he doesn't like changing them.

Clean underwear? A concept he actively resists. I actually have to resort to "cheek-checks" some days to see if he really has put on clean underwear, even after he swears he did. Often, his cheeks fail said checks.

Now, I'm not a believer in keeping kids spotless. If they are out playing like they should, they're going to get dirty sometimes. That's okay with me. I can deal with that kind of mess, and I expect it. It's a sign of good imaginative playing.

But I also know how kids can be ostracized among friends and adults for looking filthy and in particular for smelling bad. I don't want that for my kid, so basics like clean underwear, clean socks, and occasional changes of pants and shirts are non-negotiable.

Even so, it's really a struggle with this one. He really is like Pig Pen from the Peanuts comic. You can practically see the clouds of dust and grime around him as he walks.

He is as sweet as the day is long......but what person is ever going to be romantically interested in him when he looks and smells like Pig Pen? I just hope this is a stage he outgrows......but I'm not holding my breath waiting for it to happen (or maybe I am, just to deal with the smell).

Do you have a Pig Pen in your life? What did/do you do to help him/her?

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Refusing Free Veggies

This year, we built lots of raised beds for vegetable gardening. Last year I was in a car accident that did a real number on my knee, so I decided I wouldn't garden much if I had to be down on my knees to weed. It just hurts too much.

So we built up instead, into nice high raised beds. (Most of mine are higher than the ones you see above; some are knee-high, some are waist-high.) It's more expensive to set up, but hey, I'll actually use the garden this way and therefore get more fresh fruits and veggies into my family. I can live with the extra capital outlay when I look at it that way.

This has been GREAT. I love the raised beds! And they are so much easier to plant and harvest from. I think that will be a big deal to me as I get old and creaky, and will help keep me gardening longer.

We planted spinach, lettuce, peas, potatoes, carrots, onions, green beans, cukes, broccoli, peppers, corn, pumpkins, canteloupes, watermelons, cabbage, and about a thousand tomatoes. We also planted (or have existing plantings in) strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, cherries, pears, apples, grapes, and plums.

(Yes, we have a fair-sized garden area now. But even when we had a house with a small yard we managed to do tomatoes, cukes, peas, potatoes, lettuce, green beans, and spinach on a regular basis, often in containers or very small raised beds. You don't have to have a huge yard for it.)

Well, now we are harvesting our larger garden like mad, and of course we have more food than we can eat. So whenever I go somewhere, I take along a bag of tomatoes or green beans or cukes or whatever (no, I don't try to pawn off zucchini; we don't plant it cause I can't stand the stuff).

I view this as a lovely gift I can offer to other people if they'd like some, and certainly it represents some major time, effort and money from me.

To my shock, a lot of people turn me DOWN!! Fresh veggies, organically grown,'d be paying a MINT for this in the stores. And I'm having trouble giving it away, can you believe it? To people who don't have room for gardens, even to people who are pretty marginal in terms of income. You'd think they in particular would love to have some fresh-grown veggies as a treat....but no.

Do people really hate veggies that much?

I know I have a reputation in my house for being a bit anti-veggie, because there are many veggies I can't stand and won't eat (squash, brussel sprouts, etc.). I'm not a huge salad fan either; I do eat salads, just not with much enthusiasm some days. So I don't always get in the three-to-five-veggies-a-day I really should get, though I try. (And I usually make up the difference with fruits, yummmm.)

But gees, I'm a vegaholic compared to some of these people. I can't believe they are turning down this beautiful organic stuff!!

Well, the food bank won't turn it down, so I'll probably take it there. But I'm more than a bit miffed....and mystified too.

This really surprised me. I understand that not everyone loves tomatoes, of course; even two of my own kids won't eat them. And I understand that some folk like their food out of a can instead of out of the dirt. To each his own. I know that not everyone will welcome this food, and I expected that some would turn it down, which is fine....but I'm most surprised at how many have refused it.

Do all those people really hate veggies like that? Is our national veggie intake really that bad? (No, trolls, the turn-downs have not come from fat folks, but mostly from skinny folks.) I know that we as a country could certainly eat more fresh fruits and veggies, but most people I know personally grow at least some of their own food at home or buy it at farmer's markets. I guess I thought that kind of intake was fairly normal among most people. Apparently not.

I guess I'm especially miffed because some of these people are very ungracious in their refusals, acting like I'm trying to pawn off giant zucchini or gross Christmas fruitcake on them or something. You'd think I was trying to insult them or inconvenience them in some way.

Hey, a little gratitude here!! I'm offering something of significant value here, grown with my own sweat and toil and money; no one said you had to take it. If you don't want it, don't take it....but you could be at least a little appreciative and gracious in your refusal!!

Grrr. Yeah, I'm a little miffed.

Oh well, I know my mother-in-law won't turn down anything; she cooks and freezes and preserves everything. However, she does have a limit on her freezer space.

I do put up some freezer preserves and applesauce myself (and hope to learn to do some canning next year), but I'm too busy this year to really preserve everything we grow. But I just have sooo many wonderful tomatoes on hand right now (with many more about to ripen as well), I may have to investigate making some home-made spaghetti sauce and freezing it. (Anyone got a good recipe they want to share?)

At least the food bank won't turn down any extra stuff we don't use. Someone should get some benefit out of this lovely stuff.

Question: Would you turn down fresh home-grown veggies if they were offered to you? (I would if it was zucchini or other ones I didn't like, but assuming it was something you liked, would you be glad or upset if someone offered you fresh veggies?)

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Celebrity Plus-Size Mamas

I don't really care about pop culture shows like American Idol, etc., but sooner or later even an out-of-touch old geezer like me hears about some of the people who emerge from these shows.

One of these is Jennifer Hudson, who I admit I mostly paid attention to because she was a woman of size. (Winning an Oscar and a Grammy didn't hurt either.)

I'm happy to report that she just became the most recent celebrity plus-sized mama.

We know very little about the pregnancy or birth, just that she gave birth to a son, David Daniel Otunga Jr., on Monday, and that the baby weighed 7 pounds, 14 ounces. (So much for the idea that all fat women have huuuuge babies.)

Congratulations to Jennifer the Dream Girl on her new little "Dream Boy." Way to go, mama! You deserve a little happiness in your life now.

Jennifer Hudson photo found at Wikimedia Commons.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Banker's Hours

I have to air a pet peeve of mine.

I am really ticked off at all the dentists, doctors, etc. who expect us to pull our kids from school in order to schedule routine appointments. What kind of message does this send to our kids?

I took my kids to the dentist this week for a cleaning. Afterwards, they wanted me to schedule the next appointment, in six months. Fine, we do this all the time.

In the past this was easy because we had a different school schedule that gave us periodic time off during the school week, so we always scheduled it for those days so as not to miss any lesson time. However, the school's schedule has now changed. We now have early release on some Fridays, but of course the dentist doesn't work then. Heaven forbid he actually work a normal work week like everyone else in the world.

So fine, I ask about apppointments after school. Oh no, the dentist doesn't stay late. Heaven forfend he might be inconvenienced at all.

No, no, instead, he basically expects kids to MISS SCHOOL in order to get a routine dental cleaning.

Never mind that he just hired another dentist to lighten his load. He could have her work some later hours......but no. That's far too much to ask.

No, instead, they have to send the message that school is unimportant, that everything else in the world takes priority over learning, that his precious time is far more important than mere education.

Well, I find that totally unacceptable. School is very important, and it's very difficult to make up missed classroom time. Sure, you can get any assignments missed, but any teacher will tell you that it's JUST NOT THE SAME.

You just don't "get" it the same way if you don't hear the teacher's lecture or get to ask interactive questions right then and there. If there's a science lab or a special hands-on learning activity, that kind of stuff simply can't be made up. And frequent absences makes the teacher and the kid's jobs SO much harder.

Now, some absences are just going to happen. It's a rare kid that doesn't ever miss school. And dental emergencies happen, or sometimes there are other circumstances that dictate having a dental appointment during school time. Sometimes it just can't be helped.

But these absences should be kept to a MINIMUM and they shouldn't be for some routine thing like a cleaning, for heaven's sake.

It makes me just furious that basically, I have almost no choice but to have the kids miss school in order to get their dental cleanings. To minimize this, I always schedule one for the summertime, but you simply can't expect everyone to have winter and summer cleanings. Some are going to have to be in the spring and fall. Why can't there be some appointments available outside of school hours?

And what about parents who work outside the home? I do, but I work part-time and my schedule is fairly flexible. I can make dental appointments and doctor appointments work if I must....but what about those parents who can't?

Some parents simply cannot take time off for things like dental cleanings. With this dentist's practice, they'd be out of luck. They'd have to take personal or vacation time in order to get regular dental cleanings for their kids.....or their kids would have to go without. In fact, I'd bet that's one of the barriers for getting regular cleanings and dental care for many kids.

In the end, I made an appointment for the last time slot of the dentist's day, one where we won't have to miss school if we RUSH off right at the end of school......but I will have to do this multiple times in order to get all my kids in. It's not a short drive, so this is no minor inconvenience. I could make only one trip if I was simply willing to ditch school and schedule earlier in the day....but what does that teach my kids?

I think good dental care is important....but I don't think I should have to sacrifice my kids' learning for it.

You would think in particular that a pediatric practice would have at least some extra hours appointments available.....but no.

I communicated my displeasure pretty clearly to the receptionist and asked her to pass it on to the dentist in the strongest possible words.

I have to say, though, much as I like this practice otherwise, I may just have to find another dentist over this that offers enough appointment times that missing school is not our only real option.

Hopefully there are still some dentists out there that don't keep banker's hours and expect their own convenience to supercede everyone else's learning and school and work commitments. I sure hope that there is, because child #3 is going to be needing braces within a year or so. I simply could not countenance taking him out of school that often.

What do you do for dental appointments for your school-aged kids, assuming they are not home-schooled?

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Famous Women of Size: Marie Dressler

---Marie Dressler

Have you heard of Marie Dressler? She was a famous actress on both stage and screen in the early part of the 20th century. At one point, she was more famous and popular than many of the Hollywood stars we hear about today.

She was the top draw at the box office for most of the early 1930s, and the highest-paid star in Hollywood for several years. She was so famous and so popular that she was the cover of Time Magazine in its August 7, 1933 issue.

She was nominated as Best Actress for two years, and won it in 1931, despite being an older woman (in her 60s) in Hollywood, which, as today, worshipped mostly the young and beautiful.

Oh yes, and she was a woman of size.

I had to know more. How come there was this famous fat movie star and I'd never heard of her?

How I Came To Know Her

Several years ago, I was doing a research project, and looking at silent movies was part of that research. I was surprised at how much I enjoyed them, really.

(To my surprise, I particularly enjoyed Buster Keaton. If you ever get a chance to watch some of his early silent movie work, you should definitely take advantage of it!)

At one point I was watching some of the old, early Charlie Chaplin movies, and there he was, dancing with a big, tall, fat lady in a comedy routine.

The movie was titled, "Tillie's Punctured Romance," and it was made in 1914. Chaplin was not a big star yet; it was his first really big film.

I was entranced. So I made it a point to research her more.

Her Life

Marie Dressler was born as Leila Marie Koerber in 1868 or 1869 (sources differ) in Ontario, Canada. Her family moved frequently, so she learned to make people laugh early. She started her stage career at 14 by running away to be in traveling acting companies, and changed her name to Marie Dressler because her family didn't approve of her stage ambitions.

She eventually made a career in light opera and on Broadway, but always felt the pull of the vaudeville stage, where she was known for her "full-figured body." Her sense of humor and natural comic timing helped create a career for her there and strongly influenced her broad acting style.

She became a film star only in middle age, appearing in her first film at the age of 42. Her first really big film was the afore-mentioned "Tillie's Punctured Romance" in 1914 at age 46 with Charlie Chaplin. It was based on a stage play she had starred in called "Tillie's Nightmare."

After "Tillie's Punctured Romance," Dressler made two more "Tillie" movies: "Tillie's Tomato Surprise" (1915) and "Tillie Wakes Up" (1917). However, bad business decisions killed her film career.

She left movies and went back to Vaudeville in 1918, but soon got into trouble:

In 1919, during the Actors' Equity strike in New York City, the Chorus Equity Association was formed and voted Dressler its first president. In 1927, Dressler was secretly blacklisted by the theater production companies due to her strong stance in a labor dispute.
Out of work and broke, she fell upon hard times for quite a while in the 20s until her career was revived near the end of the decade with the help of friends. From 1927 to 1930, she played a series of smart-alecky older-woman supporting roles, which slowly gained her notice in Hollywood.

Her Stardom

By the 1930s, she had become a major star and had moved into mature (and sometimes serious) leading lady roles, quite an accomplishment for a woman in her 60s who was known for her homely face and "robust" body.

In 1931, she won a Best Actress Oscar for "Min and Bill." In 1932 she was nominated again for her leading role in "Emma."

In 1933, she appeared in "Dinner at Eight" as "an aging but vivacious former stage actress" opposite Jean Harlow. Her scene with Harlow at the end is considered a classic.

Indeed, it is her over-the-top acting skills that really make Dressler stand out. By today's more naturalistic standards, she overacts a bit......but remember that she was working from the more stylized standards of the day.

Matthew Kennedy, author of a biography of Marie Dressler, says this about her acting:

She played to the camera as if it were the back row of a vaudeville theater, mugging and overreacting shamelessly. But because she was so good at it, and so experienced, it became who she was as an actress. It’s Marie and her character becoming one. And behind all that mugging is someone so warm, so funny, and so human, that she makes a beeline straight to your heart. Call it overacting, but it’s hard to deny her entertainment value, even today. Once you see Marie Dressler on the screen, you don’t forget her!
Her many years in Vaudeville had honed her vocal skills and her facial reactions until she was a master of comic timing and delivery, especially in the imperious grand dame roles.

However, she also proved that she could be memorable in humble working-woman, down-on-her-luck serious roles. It was for these roles that she was nominated for Best Actress.

This picture is from "Min and Bill," the movie for which she won Best Actress. Hardly a glamorous Hollywood role, but Dressler made it her own.

She showed that she had a wider range of acting range than most people expected her to have, and was able to use her looks to her advantage against all expectations.


Alas, at the height of her career, Dressler was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Even though she was in great pain at times, she insisted on continuing to work and made both "Tugboat Annie" and "Dinner at Eight" while seriously ill. She died shortly afterwards:


[She died] on Saturday 28 July 1934 in Santa Barbara, California and is interred in a crypt in the Great Mausoleum in the Forest Lawn Memorial Park Cemetery in Glendale, California. For her contribution to the motion picture industry, Marie Dressler has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame at 1731 Vine Street.
Dressler died at the height of her career, and was one of the most beloved and popular movie stars of the early Depression.

Kindness to Others

One thing Dressler was known for was her kindness to fellow actors. Two of these actors later paid her back by giving her the jobs that launched and/or revived her career.

For example, during her stage career, she helped get fellow Canadian Mack Sennett (of Keystone Cops fame) a job in the theater. When he became a director, he asked her to be in the "Tillie" movies, thereby igniting her film career. They later had a falling out, but his support in the early years was crucial in establishing a wider audience for her.

Another influential friend was Frances Marion, one of the most influential and famous women screenwriters in Hollywood. Marion helped revive Dressler's career after Dressler was blacklisted because of her pro-labor activities. According to Wikipedia:

Dressler had shown great kindness to Marion during the filming of Tillie Wakes Up in 1917, and in return, Marion used her influence with Thalberg to get Dressler a number of supporting roles, including the queen in Breakfast at Sunrise and a snappy maid in Chasing Rainbows. She was then established as a funny supporting woman.

Marion persuaded Thalberg to give Dressler the role of Marthy, the old harridan who welcomes Greta Garbo home after the search for her father, in the 1930 film Anna Christie. Both Garbo and the critics were impressed by Dressler's acting ability, and so was MGM, who quickly signed Dressler to a $500-per-week contract.
Marion also was a writer on many of Dressler's biggest films, including "Min and Bill," "Emma," and "Dinner at Eight." They remained close for years.

Even after she became a big star, Dressler continued to be generous to other actors. She helped cement the career of Richard Cromwell by insisting that he be cast in the lead opposite her (on loan from another studio) in 1932's film, "Emma," for which she was nominated as Best Actress.

MGM Studio boss Louis B. Mayer called Dressler "the most adored person ever to set foot in the Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer studio."

Musings On Dressler's Popularity

Some authors contend that it was the Depression that helped make a woman of Dressler's "looks" so popular.

According to that theory, her ordinary appearance, plain face, humility and grace.....combined with her sense of humor and self-effacing nature.....made her seem like just another one of the folks, like all the other people struggling to make a living in that time.

Her face and body looked well-lived in, like she had seen a lot of troubles in life, yet had triumphed over them with grace and humor and sheer grit. It made her audience readily able to relate to and identify with her and want to see her succeed.

In his biography, Matthew Kennedy discusses her appeal:

An overweight, jowly, elder actress came to represent the optimism necessary to endure the Depression. One man I interviewed who remembered her said that people flocked to see her movies because she gave them hope. One look at her and you could believe that she was a symbol of love, courage, and survival, which was exactly what the times needed. Her stardom is one of the great anomalies in Hollywood history, a kind of adoration that isn’t supposed to happen to an older, homely woman.
She was a woman of size who carried herself with dignity and pride, but who wasn't afraid to make fun of herself either. She was a woman of considerable talent who refused to let others' biases about her looks keep her down, and in the end, turned her greatest liability into her greatest asset.

She died at age 65, a pretty good lifespan for people in that era, but sadly too early. Imagine the work she could have done in Hollywood with a little more time. What a loss to us all!

Marie Dressler Quotes and Pictures

There are quite a few Marie Dressler pictures out there. These two are among my favorites because they show her sense of humor and silliness.

There are several movie clips of her on YouTube, including this one called "For I'm the Queen," which highlights her Vaudeville comic skills. It has a fat joke in it at the end so I won't reproduce it here, but it's still worth watching for her sheer presence and varied facial expressions.

She also seemed to be a thoughtful person, full of wisdom from a life of some very hard knocks. As I pass into perimenopause, I enjoy her musings on being middle-aged, a time when women are particularly devalued in our society:

And of course, she had a lot of wisdom to offer for those of us born with less-than-traditional good looks, whatever those challenges may be.
“I contend that every woman has the right to feel beautiful, no indifferent her features.”
Amen to that.

And of course, my favorite quote of hers, which I used at the top of the post but which bears repeating:


Other Marie Dressler links: