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Free love gets a fit of the wibbles

Steven Alexander
Mon 4 Apr 2005 03.47 EDT

An old hippy ideal has been given an update for the consumer generation in the latest social phenomenon to cross the Atlantic to Britain.

Polyamory is free love with strings attached. Although practitioners have numerous partners, they are emotionally committed and do not cheat.

The lifestyle, which is said to have 1,000 to 2,000 devotees in the UK, already boasts internet emailing lists, mailing sites and discussion groups dedicated to it. It even has developed some vocabulary to explain feelings in polyamorous relationships such as wibbly, frubbly and metamor.

Psychologist Meg Barker, 30, a British expert who also practises it, said: "Polyamory is the belief that it's acceptable or even ideal to have more than one loving or sexual partner.

"There's an emphasis on the recognition of multiple important relationships - it's not about casual sex.

"Having multiple partners is usually seen in a very negative light but this is a positive way for people to have more than one relationship.

"It's definitely growing. There are possibly 1,000 to 2,000 people who practise polyamory in the UK and a much larger group who believe in non-monogamous relationships but don't use that word."

Dr Barker, from London's South Bank University, conducted a study of the language of polyamory which she presented at the British Psychological Society's annual conference at the University of Manchester.

"If you're not following the standard way of having relationships you have to make up new words," she said. "We have emotional states that cannot be described using normal language."

For example, "metamor" describes the relationship one has with one's partner's other partner. Then there is the concept of "new relationship energy" (NRE) - the "honeymoon period". This is especially important for polyamorists who have to overcome natural feelings of jealousy.

"Your partner might be wild about a new relationship, and it's not particularly easy to handle, but because it's got a name, NRE, it's easier to deal with," said Dr Barker.

Polyamorists also have a word for low-key jealousy - "wibble".

"It's a kind of jealousy that doesn't represent a massive sexual threat; it's a smaller version of jealousy," said Dr Barker. "You can say 'I'm wibbly' - I'm really OK but a bit shaky, and I need some reassurance."

Another is "frubbly", which describes the positive feeling of seeing your partner with another lover. "It's the opposite of jealousy," Dr Barker said.