Parent-teacher conferences

You have many years of parent-teacher conferences ahead. So it's useful to know how to get the most out of these meetings.

  • Talk with your child. Before your conference, ask your child what she likes and dislikes about school. Ask what she thinks her teacher will say about her. If she complains that he's always on her case for talking too much, you won't be blindsided if it's brought up. Ask her why the teacher thinks that.
  • Prioritize your questions. Get the important issues out of the way first since you have limited time. School is about more than academics, so inquire about how your child manages socially and emotionally. Let the teacher in on anything going on at home that could affect your child at school.
  • Try not to be defensive. If a teacher does bring up a problem, find out as much as you can about the situation, and ask for specific examples. If your child is misbehaving, ask when it occurs. Is it always during one subject or time of day? Don't leave without creating a plan to deal with the issue. Ask what you can do at home to help.
  • Be tactful. If you need to bring up a thorny issue, handle it with sensitivity. Don't accuse or attack. If your child feels like her teacher picks on her, you might say, "I know you care about the kids. I've seen the way you speak to them. But Jenny seems to think that you pick on her. Do you know why she might think that?"

Some parents hear from teachers that their boisterous, noisy, occasionally rude child is a perfect angel in class. Rest assured, most kids try to be on their best behavior for school - and save their wildest behavior for the person they feel most secure letting it all hang out with.

Family vacation

Planning a family vacation is fun. Just remember that family trips can have their stressful side. Young children are routine-reliant, and upsetting the norms can affect their behavior in trying ways.

Six-year-olds like to know what's going to happen. Explain your itinerary to your child. Tell her exactly how you will get to your destination and what kind of transportation you'll take.

Encourage her to take part in the packing. Think through activities day by day so you won't overlook anything like a swimsuit or sweater. Don't forget blankets or teddy bears, especially if your child has recently given up such comfort objects  -  she may appreciate them while traveling.

Raising a reader

As your child begins to read, your challenge is to keep nurturing his enthusiasm for the printed word. Encourage him to read anything - ask questions about words on cereal boxes, signs, comic books, the sports page. Even using the closed captioning during screen time can help boost reading skills. Keep a stash of reading material in the car.

Visit the library and bookstores often. Try using books as an incentive for good behavior, and let him choose them. Beginning readers can be intimidated by text-heavy books and may go back to their tried-and-true picture books. That's okay. Even if you feel something isn't demanding enough, remember the goal here: to keep him excited about reading.

Read those more challenging books together and continue making them available around the house. Early readers often read the same book over and over or may latch onto a series and refuse to read anything new. Again, as long as he's reading, let him enjoy it.

To keep reading fun instead of a chore, incorporate his love of books into other activities. For his birthday, consider a theme that revolves around his favorite story. Let him be Captain Underpants one day or convert the basement into Hogwarts. He may even be interested in dictating a letter to his favorite author.

Party Gifts

Looking for good birthday-gift ideas for your child's peers? Fortunately, kids this age are still pretty easy to please. A good rule of thumb is to buy something your child would like.

Feeding a collection is usually a hit, although duplicates are a risk. Kids this age also love to experiment and use their imaginations. Presents that inspire creativity are always good - think arts and crafts supplies, building blocks, or science kits.

One fresh take is a present that allows the birthday boy or girl to spend time with your child. Maybe you can give a certificate to go miniature golfing together or offer up a movie night. Or make small items seem like a big deal by presenting a basket of themed goodies, all wrapped individually - a sports kit might include Whiffle balls, baseball cards, and a baseball book, for example.

Ever get caught without a birthday present on hand for your child's friend, and hard-pressed for the time to run to the store before the party? Consider stocking up on kids' gifts.

Buy multiples the next time there's a sale on a basic item - art supplies, balls and other sports equipment, and puzzles are always safe bets. Or purchase a few gift cards to likely destinations, such as a toy store, sporting-goods store, or bookstore. (Be mindful of expiration dates.) Don't forget cards and gift wrap. And stash everything somewhere your own future birthday boy won't be able to find and raid.

Pile on the praise

The simplest secret weapon you have in keeping life on an even keel with your child is praise. A few words about something your child did or is doing well can defuse a tense situation or head off a tantrum. Praise is also like money in the bank - each kind word or positive observation a deposit that builds up a store of goodwill in your child and actually makes him want to behave better for you. Kids have a deep desire to please their parents.

Try to make your praise specific. If you simply murmur "Nice job!" all day, those words become too vague to register. If you praise a particular act and describe it, that helps your child know what it was about his behavior that was good - and makes him more likely to turn in a fine performance. Compare "Good job" with "Thanks for stopping your play to give your sister her toy when she dropped it - that was really helpful to me."

Sweets and treats

Most children have a natural sweet tooth. Trying to keep sugar away from your child completely is a losing battle, given its prevalence in the world. And forbidding it can backfire. The more you make it a forbidden fruit, the more she'll want it, and scarf it down when the opportunity presents itself at friend's houses or parties. The trick is not to deny but to limit.

For a 6-year-old, a serving or two of sweets a day is plenty. It's best to let your child have some degree of choice regarding consumption. If she takes cookies in her lunch and has pudding after dinner, she's done for the day. At her bedtime snack, she'll need to choose something else.

The better diet your child eats, the fewer cravings she'll develop for sweet things. Complex carbs like whole grains and veggies break down more slowly in the body and satisfy for longer. Exercise can also quell cravings. Don't offer sweets as a reward or incentive; this elevates the importance of sugar. Do offer natural sugars, such as fruit.

Family traditions

Family traditions - picking strawberries to make jam, donating outgrown items to the church bazaar - are as important to family life as regular meals together. Besides being fun, rituals make families stronger. Children get a sense of belonging; they learn what your family values.

Rituals also offer structure and predictability - something 6-year-olds crave. They love knowing they can count on dinner at Grandma's once a month.

Traditions don't need to be extravagant or revolve around the holidays. Be creative. Celebrate Game Night every Friday or let your child choose the dinner on the 15th of every month. Encourage your child to help plan the festivities.

Talking back

Once you decide what is and isn't okay when it comes to how your child talks to you, make the rules clear to him. If "whatever" isn't an acceptable response to a question or request, for example, then make sure he knows it. If he continues to say it, follow through on whatever consequences you've laid out.

Try to get to the bottom of why your child is talking back. Is he lashing out because someone talked unkindly to him at school today? Is he giving you a smart-aleck answer because he's embarrassed about not knowing the right answer? Did he say, "No way José!" to your request to get the mail because he's afraid of the neighbor's dog?

Talk about his options (and stress that talking back isn't one of them). Role-play what responses would have been acceptable. ("I'm angry because Josh called me slowpoke at recess," for example, or "I don't know the answer," or "I'm scared Mrs. Smith's dog will bite me.") Make sure he feels safe confiding in you, and he may feel less inclined to lash out or to cover up his feelings with backtalk.

Nontoxic cleaning

Looking to cut down on toxic cleaning substances around your home? Try some alternatives:

  • Lemon juice: Cleans glass, bleaches when used in sunlight
  • Vinegar: Dissolves grease, deodorizes, polishes some metals
  • Baking soda: Deodorizes, extinguishes flames, softens fabric, even works as toothpaste
  • Borax: Inhibits mold growth, removes stains, can kill cockroaches

Birthday reminiscing

One activity your child will love to do for her birthday: review her life to date.

Go through old photo albums (or all those digital pix you've never had a chance to print out). Get out her baby book, if you kept one, and tell her stories about her birth and babyhood. Your child will revel in seeing how she's grown and feel all the more grown-up for being able to reminisce about "when I was a baby."

You both might enjoy the activity so much that you make it an annual part of future birthday celebrations.

Telling time

Here are some telling-time tips:

  • Count it out. Have your child count the minute markers to show that there are indeed 60 minutes in an hour. (Since most 6-year-olds can count as high as 200, they should be able to do this.) Most kids will also understand what half of something means. Slice an apple or a pizza in half to illustrate. Then show them that half of 60 is 30. That's the half hour.
  • Distinguish hands. Explaining the minute hand and the hour hand can be tricky since it seems backwards (the minute hand is longer than the hour hand). A useful tip: Tell kids that minute is a longer word, so that's the longer hand.
  • Practice. Ask your child what time he goes to bed and have him turn the clock to that hour. When does he eat breakfast? Invest in a cheap watch that lets him put his new knowledge to work.

Moving on from the basics should wait until your child can count by fives and knows what one-fourth of something is.


"Watch me! Watch me!" your child calls as he jumps a ramp with his scooter. Six-year-olds love to learn and show off new tricks. They're fascinated by somersaults, headstands, and the latest dance steps. Jump roping can become an obsession.

These physical feats are more fun now because sixes have the coordination and muscle development to actually do them. Support their adventures and make sure they stay safe. Their judgment won't catch up to their physical capabilities for a while.

Is your child gifted?

There are many kinds of giftedness: in language, in math, in music, in sports. If your child seems challenged in school and happy, her aptitude may not be a critical issue at this age. But if she's bored or complains her schoolwork is way too easy, you may want to discuss the issue with her teacher. A true prodigy is rare (and pretty obvious). Giftedness in one area or another is more common.

There's some debate among experts about testing for giftedness. Some recommend testing by a child psychologist at this age, while others question the value of such scores if the child's curiosity and academic needs can be met.

Even if she is gifted, be wary of the label. Gifted kids sometimes fear failure, so they can become afraid to try new things. If they don't succeed, they rationalize, maybe they're not as smart as everybody thinks. Be on the lookout, too, for teasing from classmates. Gifted children can be more sensitive and intense. Their peers pick up on their differences and sometimes aren't so kind.

If your child is placed in a special class or given different work, emphasize that she's being advanced because she's a hard worker, not because she's more talented or smarter. "You practice your violin more, so your teacher thinks you should play in a bigger-kids orchestra now."

Know, too, that giftedness doesn't always manifest itself as overachieving genius. In fact, some gifted kids appear just the opposite. Because they're bored and frustrated in school, they might be fidgety, emotional, and underachieving, leading teachers to think they have attention deficit disorders rather than giftedness.

Dealing with death

As much as parents would like to protect their children from the harsh realities of life, it isn't always possible. Pets, and people, die. Six is somewhat of a transition age regarding a child's ability to understand death. She's beginning to realize that a life cycle includes both birth and death and that death is final.

Still, sixes may hold stubborn notions about death. It's common for young kids to think that only old people die, for example. They're also curious about the details: What happens to the body? Where does it go? Abstractions are hard for this age. Avoid euphemisms like "She's gone to sleep." Instead, be concrete. "Grandma died. That means she couldn't breathe, and her body stopped working."

Answer questions and offer hugs. Let your child see your grief. This gives her permission to feel sad, too. Since 6-year-olds may not be able to articulate their feelings, be supportive and let her grieve in her own way. Some children regress; others lash out or draw inward. Some think they're responsible for the death.

Your child may benefit from tangible ways to express grief, such as drawing or attending a memorial service. Many adults worry that funerals or visitations are not appropriate for young children, but in fact they can be helpful. Just be sure to explain ahead of time what your child can expect and that she'll need to be quiet during the service. And don't be afraid to talk about the person or pet who passed away. Good memories comfort.

Getting mom some exercise

Squeezed for time? Exercise is often the first thing a mom tosses out her time-crunched window. If you can't get out for fitness, consider bringing fitness home to you. Invest in barbells, a jump rope, or a yoga mat and you may be more inclined to use them right in your living room.

There's a reason why online workout videos are so popular: They're convenient, they work, and there's something for every exercise style.

Potty mouth

Young kids curse for a variety of reasons – which are worth remembering when your ears are burning and your blood pressure's rising. Some do it shock their parents; they know now that certain words are verboten and may get a rise from you. Sometimes they're just trying to show off in front of peers and older kids. They may also curse when they're angry or upset, simply copying behavior they see in other adults or teens or on TV.

As with talking back (see above), set firm rules about bad language. (And recognize that these rules apply to grownups as well - if you use those naughty words yourself, you can't expect your child not to use them.) Apply consequences when someone breaks the rules. Be sure to acknowledge your child's efforts to refrain from swearing, especially in times of stress or frustration.

At this age, kids may not understand how offensive bad language can be to others. They're still wrapped up in themselves. You may also want to explain what racist and sexist terms mean, if they come up, and how upsetting they can be.

Pneumonia signs

If your child doesn't seem to recover from a cold, beware. Persistent coughs accompanied by fever may signal pneumonia, an infection of the lungs that warrants medical attention.

Other symptoms can include headache, muscle pain, weakness, fatigue, vomiting, diarrhea, fever, loss of appetite, chest pain, and trouble breathing. Pneumonia can strike anytime, but it often follows a cold or other upper respiratory infection.

Bonus: Safe home remedies for your child's cough, cold, or flu

The power of positivity

There's an old song that perfectly captures how to encourage good behavior in a first grader: "You've got to accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative … "

It's so easy to focus on what a child is doing wrong. Using a more positive approach can take a little more effort, but it's more productive, especially at this praise-hungry, fragile age. Start by complimenting good behavior more often than you chastise the bad: "I like the way you solved that. Taking turns was a good idea." This tells your child he'll get your attention for his good conduct rather than his bad.

Offer a special privilege as a reward once in a while. You're not bribing him (offering to give him something in exchange for not misbehaving). You're just showing him that doing good can have positive consequences.

When you do need to stop a behavior, try to stay away from negative statements. For example, instead of snapping, "Don't call your brother names," you might say calmly, "You need to treat your brother respectfully. Is calling names respectful?" Learning these techniques takes practice, but the impact can be profound.

Model affection

As important as being affectionate with your child is, be sure you also show affection for other people so that he can observe it. It's great for a child to see parents hug or kiss or to see a mother greet her own mother warmly. Your child is closely watching your behavior even if it doesn't seem like he's paying the least bit of attention.

Wanting privacy

At ages 6 and 7, a sense of modesty begins to appear. Your child may suddenly insist on dressing or bathing alone or no longer leaves the bathroom door wide open.

Why the new sense of privacy? Some of it stems from a new self-awareness, as well as a sense that other people have feelings different from hers. Your child has a growing gender identity, too, and consciously or unconsciously imitates the parent of her gender. She may also pick up on cues around the house - for example, whether people normally walk around nude or not.

This sense of privacy may come and go; one minute she wants to dress all alone and the next minute she's streaking through a sprinkler in the backyard. Not all kids have entered this stage yet; some 6-year-old boys may fondle themselves in public places without realizing it, for example.

Modesty is a somewhat relative concept. Give some thought to what modesty means to you. How do you want your child to feel about her body and what's appropriate in public, both in behavior and dress? Maybe your family skinny-dips at the lake, or maybe no one ever leaves their bedroom without at least a swimsuit on.

As girls enter the "big kids" clothing realm, you'll find many styles that might seem more appropriate for a 12-year-old or an 18-year-old (or no young lady ever). You'll increasingly have to make choices about what you think is appropriate attire for your child. Cultural icons may also influence the ways she wants to dress. Remember, you're the one who holds the wallet. If you don't like it, don't buy it.

Bedroom organization

Is your child's bedroom a continual wreck? She might need some basic organizational help. Too many possessions can be overwhelming for a young child to keep in order. Weed through her drawers and closet every season and pitch things that are outgrown, stained, or tattered.

Sort through toys, too, and give away those that are outgrown; toss anything with broken parts. Toy boxes (or plastic bins) and hampers help make picking up easy.

Bonus: Secrets of organized families: Insider strategies for getting your house in order

What's next?

What can you expect as your child stands on the brink of 7? These two years are developmentally similar, but things go a bit more smoothly now that the transition to school is more familiar. Many of the behavior quirks of sixes - gnawing hair and shirts, being unable to sit still - are related to the stresses of the transition to school.

Many of your persistent reminders begin to pay off at 7, as your child is better able to control her behavior, manage self-care, and interact well with friends.

Seven-year-olds tend to be calmer and less aggressive than sixes. They've made the slight separation from total dependency on parents and begin to become more peer directed. Seven-year-olds are often quieter and like to spend more time alone. All that said, you'll find changes take place gradually.

Look ahead to 7 years