Katy Butler 2015-11-29T14:35:53-05:00 Katy Butler http://www.huffingtonpost.com/author/index.php?author=katy-butler Copyright 2008, HuffingtonPost.com, Inc. HuffingtonPost Blogger Feed for Katy Butler Good old fashioned elbow grease. 'The Contest' tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2014:/theblog//3.4564000 2014-01-10T12:15:08-05:00 2014-03-12T05:59:01-04:00 Katy Butler http://www.huffingtonpost.com/katy-butler/
The Contest, directed by Anthony Joseph Giunta, is one of the many, amazing films using the power of the screen to combat bullying. Within the first 2 minutes of the film the main character, Tommy (Daniel Flaherty), became someone I and millions of others could relate to not only because he was being bullied, but because he was a sweet, smart student. As Tommy takes part in a television cooking show contest we see his school try to address the bullying, the importance of a kind and loving caregiver and even how it's possible for a bully to change.

Tommy's school, in The Contest, provides a clear example to its viewers of approaches schools can take to address bullying with their students. When Matt is called into the principle's office for bullying Tommy, the principle tells him their school has a zero tolerance policy for bullying. The concept of a zero tolerance policy against bullying is a great idea and really should be enough to stop bullying but from person experience I can tell you it isn't. In the film the principle then goes on to back up the policy. She does something that I believe is one way to truly end bullying in our schools. She tells Matt "people look up to you, stop all the bullying" and instead of suspending him for the rest of the year she challenges him to become an anti-bullying role model. This moment in the film shows us how important it is to take the time to educate students about bullying and teach them how to change instead of just providing a punishment.

This wonderful film also speaks to parents about the importance of providing a loving and accepting home and what the absence of good role models can do to kids. Not only when I was being bullied in middle school, but also through out my entire life, my parents played a critical role in whom I have become today. I was raised by two loving parents who supported me in anything I aspired to do. In the film you can see the difference in the households that Tommy and Matt grew up in and how it affected them as people. Matt, who bullied Tommy, was raised by an older brother who only cared about himself and took out his anger through violence. Tommy, on the other hand, had a grandmother who was kind and cared about him more than anything and instilled positive values in him. We learn the most from our families, just by being with them and I am so thankful I had a family like Tommy's. I hope parents watch The Contest and think about how their behavior might be affecting their children's behavior.

By the end of the film I found myself laughing and smiling and even tearing up as the characters began to resolve some of the conflict. Tommy displayed some of the most important qualities a person can assume to combat bullying: forgiveness and friendship. I know how hard it is to forgive, but if every student who sees this film decides to be a friend to someone who needs it, like Tommy did for Matt even though Matt bullied him, we would be moving in the right direction to stop bullying! With the help of the film industry and characters like Matt and Tommy from The Contest I know we all have the power to put and end to bullying in our country.]]>
The Many Faces of Bullying tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.4109699 2013-10-16T14:07:44-04:00 2013-12-16T05:12:01-05:00 Katy Butler http://www.huffingtonpost.com/katy-butler/ As an anti-bullying and LGBT activist, my story about being bullied in middle school because of my sexual orientation has been circulated throughout the nation and has been used as a catalyst to unify a force of passionate people strong enough to conquer multiple national campaigns.

Kids called me names and knocked my books out of my hands. One day in the hallway a few guys came up asking me why I even bothered to show my face there because no one wanted to go to school with a lesbian. They slammed my hand in my locker and broke my finger. I watched in tears as they ran away laughing. I felt so alone and I decided not to say anything because I didn't know what to do or who to talk to.

Although it was hard at the time, the connection people had with my experience, an experience all too familiar to many, allowed me to take a stand and make my voice heard on many issues I feel strongly about. As an avid member of the anti-bullying world I've seen the extensive efforts of parents, educators, students, legislators, doctors and activists to end bullying. Milestones have been made to end bullying but there is still much more that needs to be done.

Unfortunately, as I begin college, I haven't had my last experience with bullying. When most people think of bullying they think of physical brutality or mean girls spreading rumors -- both of which have happened to me. The reality is that bullying comes in many forms and sometimes happens when and where we least expect it.

The last place I would have expected to find bullying was inside the LGBT community. I've identified as a lesbian for years but recently I fell for a guy. This shattered my world. I wasn't sure what that meant for my identity or my place in the community that I love so much, that had welcomed me when I was bullied simply because of the gender of the person I liked. When I finally did tell a few of my friends, of course I did get accepting responses, but others were exactly what I was afraid of. One person told me I would never be happy because he was a man. Another person said that I was confused. That was something I expected to hear when I told people I liked girls but not when I liked a boy. The fear of being ostracized from the community I loved so much because of the bisexual label kept me from being honest about my feelings. I was bullied by my own community, by the people who I had been working with to achieve the same goals!

Seeing bullying in forms other than one would traditionally expect enforced the idea that the most effective way to eliminate bullying in our country is through a change in the attitudes of the people around us. Bullying still happens in college. It might take less blatant forms than breaking someone's finger, but students in college still experience feelings of isolation, humiliation and lack of acceptance from peers. In the workplace, adults are still talking behind each other's backs, and in more than a few businesses, understanding or promotion of diversity seems to be lacking. As a college student and someone entering the workforce soon, education and acceptance have, to me, stood that much more as two of the many solutions to our nation's bullying epidemic. Of course, education on the issue and teaching acceptance at a very young age is crucial moving forward in our fight against bullying.

Throughout my work in activism, my mentor taught me that one of the most honest and effective ways to create change is to simply be yourself and be proud of who you are. Share your story with others and listen to what they have to say because we have to engage everyone in every community to truly create the shift in culture needed to eliminate bullying.

This month is National Bullying Prevention Month! We should take the time to reflect and celebrate our accomplishments. We have come so far, but the road doesn't end here. We also need to look forward and realize that now, more than ever, is the time to go full speed ahead to tackle the nation's bullying epidemic. I know we have a long road ahead of us, but we will make things better because together we are the change.

This post is part of a series produced by The BULLY Project in conjunction with National Bullying Prevention Month. For more information on The BULLY Project, click here.

Standing Up tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.3816925 2013-08-26T19:13:21-04:00 2013-10-26T05:12:01-04:00 Katy Butler http://www.huffingtonpost.com/katy-butler/ Standing Up is an incredible film by D. J. Caruso telling the fictional stories of two kids who are brutally bullied and harassed at their summer camp. After being stripped naked and chased through the woods by their peers, they decide to join forces and run away because they are afraid of their perpetrators and what they might do to them. These feelings of fear and isolation are all too familiar to the 13 millions kids that are bullied every year in America, including me.

When I was in middle school I was bullied for being gay. Just like in the film, kids called me names, left me out and made me want to run away -- I was missing two or three days of school a week. One day a group of guys who were tormenting me slammed my hand in my locker as I was putting my books away. I held back tears as I watched them run away laughing. I didn't tell anyone about what happened because I was afraid that would make it worse. I didn't stand up to the bullies because I didn't know how.

For the past few years I've been working as anti-bullying activist bringing light to the issue of bullying and taking part in our national dialogue about the solutions. As a middle school student I wasn't able to find my voice but, after 8th grade I changed schools and at that point I was given a second chance to speak up and make a difference. Just like I had another opportunity to address bullying in my life the main characters in Standing Up also took advantage of the second confrontation we see with a bully.

This time, instead of running away like they do from their summer camp, they decide to stick up for each other when they are being picked on at the second summer camp they stumble upon. We see that it only takes one person to confront a bully, but it doesn't always happen the first time because -- I know from personal experience -- it is a really hard thing to do. But, it all starts with one! More and more kids decide that it's the right thing to do -- not letting him bully anyone else.

It's so important for kids to see and understand that no matter who you are you can always be the one to speak up and chances are there are other people who feel the same way and will stand behind you! This film does an amazing job of showing us that this is possible and that no matter how many times it takes you can stand up to a bully!

Eventually, the kids even invite the bully to be in a group picture with them before they leave to go back to find their own camp. They include him with their new friends instead of bullying him back. They illustrate that standing up to a bully doesn't mean calling them names. It means helping to insure the physical and emotional safety and security of your peers -- all your peers. To eliminate bullying we really need to shift the culture of our schools. Bullying really isn't cool and this film shows us a few things we can do to help create that cultural shift!

Standing Up has such an important message to contribute to the conversation America is having about bullying on a national level. So many people are speaking up because bullying really does affect everyone. As you are watch Standing Up I'm asking you, as someone who was bullied and is now making an effort to make a difference, please: think about what you can do in your community and amongst your friends to end bullying. I know it's difficult but if we all work together I know we can make a difference because together we are the change.

Standing Up will be in theaters on August 16 and available on VOD and DVD (exclusively at Walmart) on August 20.]]>
Labled From the Outside, Finding an Identity on the Inside tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.3744903 2013-08-13T23:59:29-04:00 2013-10-13T05:12:01-04:00 Katy Butler http://www.huffingtonpost.com/katy-butler/ "What will my friends say?"

"How will my family react?"

"Will I lose the community that I love being a part of?"

"Will people still listen to what I have to say?"

So many lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer and questioning youth grapple with these questions every day. I've been out, very publicly, as a lesbian since the beginning of high school. I started working with a local LGBT group, which eventually led to national anti-bullying campaigns with the documentary film Bully. All my advocacy has been based on me being an out-and-proud lesbian.

When I first came out, I struggled with the questions listed above. But my family and friends were so understanding and loving, and I was able to quickly accept my lesbian identity.

In the sixth grade I dated a boy. It's what everyone was doing. I thought about that sixth-grade crush recently when I started falling for a guy. We had one class together, with several joint projects that allowed us to get to know each other. Eventually, through our conversations about morality and politics, I got lost in his blue eyes.

This shattered my world. I had always liked girls. I was a lesbian. But I knew that the feelings I had for this man were real when I felt my heart leap every time I walked into class and saw him. I had felt the same way about women in the past. It felt really backwards, and I was so confused. I didn't identify as bisexual, but I liked a guy!

I didn't want to tell anyone, because I still wasn't sure what this meant. I've seen individuals discounted because they don't fit into the traditional "gay" and "straight" boxes we have created. They often receive subtle but ultimately dismissive treatment from gay and lesbian people. People who identify as bisexual are often stereotyped as greedy, confused or promiscuous, not just by anti-LGBT activists but within our own community.

I've heard some of my gay and lesbian friends say things like, "Bisexuality isn't real," or, "He's just gay and doesn't know it yet," or, "Bisexual girls are just straight," or, "She was gay, and now she's a traitor!" Comments like those made me afraid that I would lose my community and my friends if they knew I liked a guy.

I was scared that people would tell me that all the girls I dated were just a phase and that I "just hadn't met the right guy." I had worked so hard to earn acceptance for my gay identity from so many people in my life that I didn't want to lose that. The work I had done in LGBT activism, my anti-bullying efforts -- all of it would be discredited. I didn't want people to stop listening to me just because of whom I happened to like.

I confided in a one gay friend about my crush. He responded, "You don't really like him. You don't actually want to date him. You just want to be his friend. You'll never be as satisfied with him as you would be with a girl." He told me that it was just a phase and would go away. No one had ever said that, even when I was dating girls. That really hurt to hear, especially coming from a friend. I thought only people outside the LGBT community would say that being a lesbian was just phase, but the most dismissive treatment I experienced came from some within my own community.

I've identified as a lesbian for a while now, and that identity has become a part of my life. When I think about my future, I think of myself with a woman. When I go out, I flirt and dance with other women. I notice cute girls when I walk down the street. So then why do I now feel uneasy about keeping the lesbian label? Is it because I dated a boy in the sixth grade and fell for another boy this many years later? Or maybe because others have such strict guidelines on sexual orientation? Do I feel uncomfortable identifying as bisexual because the majority of the time I like women?

Throughout my work in LGBT advocacy, my mentor taught me that one of the most effective ways to create change is to simply be yourself. I have come to realize that the best thing I can do is to talk about my life and experience with anyone who will listen. There are many people with similar stories. If we all share them, the kind of shame I experienced could cease to exist.

For now, I'm still unsure of what this means for my lesbian identity, but I will continue my work in LGBT activism. At this point, I'm OK with my identity developing and evolving. All I have to do is simply be OK with just being me.]]>
'The Butler': What's in a Name? Everything tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.3624515 2013-07-19T13:43:08-04:00 2013-09-18T05:12:01-04:00 Katy Butler http://www.huffingtonpost.com/katy-butler/
A title sets the entire tone for a movie. It is the simplest way to summarize a film to the audience. And, in the case of The Butler, it conveys an important message about civil rights injustices in our nation's history.

I was angry (and very confused) when I heard about the controversy surrounding the name of the new film The Butler. Warner Brothers is saying they will not allow The Weinstein Company to use this title because they have a short film of the same name. Their short film is from 1916 -- that's right, it's from almost 100 years ago! -- and it is pretty much impossible to find, even on the Internet. Claiming that this new movie will somehow take away from the 1916 short and cause confusion for audiences is almost as ridiculous as saying my name, Katy Butler, will create confusion. Should I change my last name so the Warner Brothers short is easier to find on Google?! The argument makes absolutely no sense, and we need to end it before it's too late.

By forcing The Butler to change its name, it pretty much prevents viewers from seeing it and being educated by its important message. After all, this title is the only title that could give appropriate context for the film's content. The movie is about the horrible struggle that millions of Americans went through during times of segregation, and it is told from the perspective of an African-American White House butler. To change the movie's title, first of all, just doesn't make sense. But also, it will affect whether or not audiences decide to go see the film. Which is a shame, because as Americans, each and every one of us would benefit from seeing it and talking about it. While many of us are aware of this sad time in history, we -- myself included! -- are ignorant to the details. I know that seeing The Butler would be an eye-opening experience for me and millions of others, and it upsets me that Warner Brothers has handicapped the film from impacting us before anyone's even seen it!

We cannot let this new film be called anything other than The Butler! It deserves the chance to reach millions of viewers, and a title change would ruin these chances.

Please take a second and add your name to the petition I created.

I can't argue this alone, but if enough of you argue with me, hopefully Warner Brothers will stop and listen.

Let "THE BUTLER" Keep Its Name!]]>
From Bullied to Being Myself tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.3380629 2013-06-03T17:35:34-04:00 2013-08-03T05:12:01-04:00 Katy Butler http://www.huffingtonpost.com/katy-butler/
For the past few years I have been working as an LGBT advocate on issues like bullying, marriage equality and health care for LGBT families because everyone should have the freedom to marry the person they love and have the ability to raise a family. Someday I will want to be able to do this and right now, in my home state, Michigan, I couldn't.

I grew up living with my mom, my dad, my grandma and my little sister. We went to church every Sunday when I was little, my sister and I took dance classes and figure skating lessons, my mom was involved with everything I did in school and I had plenty of friends. My family is extra loving and my parents encouraged my sister and I to do anything we ever wanted to.

Being gay was never really something we talked about at home, we didn't have any gay or lesbian friends or family members, but as far back as I can remember my mom always told me everyone was equal no matter what. She would say it doesn't matter what color someone's skin is or what religion they are or who they love, everyone deserves to be treated equally. For a long time I didn't really know what she meant so I rolled my eyes and nodded my head and said, "Okay, Mom."

When I was in middle school I had a crush on a girl. I told my best friend and she told the rest of the school. I was bullied on a daily basis for something I was taught didn't matter. I didn't want to go to school because I (and my work) suffered, to say the least. One day a few guys came up behind me while I was putting my books in my locker. They called me names and asked me why I even bothered to show my face at school because no one wanted to go to school with a lesbian. I tried to ignore them because I was afraid of what might happen if I stood up to them. When I went to leave, they pushed me against the wall. Then they slammed my locker shut on my hand, breaking my finger. I held back tears while I watched them run away laughing. I kept it to myself because I didn't know whom I could talk to about being gay.

I didn't tell my parents about what happened because I was afraid of what they might think and who they might tell. I didn't know of any other lesbian students and there were no out lesbian adults in my community so I felt alone and I had no resources to go to for help. After 8th grade my parents moved me to a private school because, even though they didn't know why, they could see I was miserable.

At my new school I met a lesbian for the first time in my life. And not just one -- I had found a whole community including an out teacher. These people became my support system, kind of our own little family. With their help I gained the courage to come out to my parents just before turning 16. My parents were both as loving and accepting as anyone could be. The bravery I learned from my new found friends not only helped me in being comfortable with myself but it also gave me the strength to speak out and stand up for what I believe in. With the support of my family I was able to start and win multiple anti-bullying and LGBT equality campaigns from anti-bullying legislation to the availability based on the rating of the documentary film Bully. After being seen as a national activist doing simple things, that still matter so much in the fight to bring equality to the LGBT community, like going to prom with my amazing girlfriend Maddie or holding her hand in public, seem so easy to me but I know they wouldn't feel so trivial if I didn't have the love and acceptance from my family.


I am so thankful for have the family I have and the love and support that they give me. I couldn't be living in New York and going to college next year without the support from my wonderful family. This past year my mom even traveled the country with me during a two-month period where I was advocating for anti-bullying and LGBT equality campaigns, but it truly shows how much she accepts and loves who I am when she does little things like invite my girlfriend, Maddie, to dinner or come to gay pride events with me. Not every young person has a family that loves, supports, or even accepts them, so I do know how lucky I am.

I don't know if I could ever raise a family of my own someday that is as loving, caring and encouraging as the family I have right now, but I at least want the freedom to try, and with the examples and support of my parents, my grandma and my sister I think it's a possibility.]]>
It's Time for Obama and Romney to Stand Against Bullying tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.1970981 2012-10-16T14:23:00-04:00 2012-12-16T05:12:02-05:00 Katy Butler http://www.huffingtonpost.com/katy-butler/
Now, five years later, I look back at my seventh-grade self and wonder what could have been different. Perhaps I didn't know it then, but support was all around me. Why did I feel so isolated? I and kids just like me have spent years of our lives afraid to say anything about bullying because, in the past, there hasn't really been an effort to publicly show support for us. But looking back, it would have been so life-changing to see a public figure, a teacher or someone in my community show -- or, better, literally wear -- their support as a way saying that no one should be bullied or called names simply for being who they are.

That's why this Friday I'm joining millions of others who will be wearing purple for Spirit Day in a stand against bullying and to show our support for LGBT youth. But that's not all. I also started a Change.org petition asking President Barack Obama and Governor Mitt Romney to wear purple on Oct. 19 for Spirit Day.

During tonight's debate, we'll hear both candidates' plans for how they plan to lead America to a better tomorrow. For young people like me and for families like mine, a better tomorrow is one where no one has to go to school afraid of being bullied because of who they are. Simply by wearing purple on Friday, President Obama and Governor Romney can take a bipartisan stand against bullying and show people like me that we're supported by our nation's leaders.

Last year on Spirit Day, I was so excited to see Ellen DeGeneres and Oprah Winfrey wear purple on TV, see photos of Times Square lights in purple and feel supported by my friends on Facebook who changed their profile pictures to purple, and of course by the students at my school who wore purple in support. I want LGBT students across America, no matter where they are, to be able to look up and see someone who is showing us that they care about our lives. And who better to send that message than the two candidates trying to be the leader of our country?

I know what it's like to feel alone, and seeing two presidential candidates show that they care about our lives could make a huge difference. At a time when LGBT students are three to five times more likely to experience depression than their straight counterparts, President Obama and Governor Romney could take a big step toward ending that feeling of isolation.

Join me in asking the president and Governor Romney to wear purple on Friday for Spirit Day, and let's make sure bullying is voted down this November.]]>