Why Even the Smallest Choice Has a Big Effect

Because "just one more" still adds up.


We all have good intentions. We promise ourselves we'll do things to be healthier and happier (I'll lose weight for summer! I'll spend more time with my family!), and we mean to stick to them. But it's hard, partly because of the very human tendency to look for an out. Even when we desperately want to adopt a new habit, even when we enjoy it, it's natural to seek an excuse to fall back on our old ways.

The most insidious excuse, that small changes won't matter, may be eliminated by what the 16th-century scholar Erasmus called the "one-coin argument," which basically says: "Ten coins may not be enough to make you rich, but what if you add one coin and then another, and so on?" Eventually, it becomes clear that it is possible to get rich coin by coin.

This highlights a paradox that's key to happiness: One act may seem almost meaningless, but the sum of combined acts can have a major effect on your life, contentment and success.

The Power of "Just One Cupcake"
Recently, a friend told me how she worked hard to change her eating habits and lost 70 pounds. But a woman in her office is always saying, "Come on, one cupcake won't kill you." Her reply: "You're right, one cupcake is no big deal — but I'm not having one today."

That's the perfect illustration of the one-coin argument: Just one cupcake, only one more scoop of ice cream, one bag of chips...and pretty soon my friend would be back to her old ways — and on her way back to her old weight. Tiny choices matter, whether you're trying to cut down on unhealthy behaviors or ramp up healthy ones (e.g., exercising, flossing) that, when done steadily over time, can transform your life.

Everything Counts
A woman I know once told me that she'd quit drinking, except on weekends. And on special occasions. And when she was out with friends. In her mind, she had totally quit, because she'd told herself that those situations didn't count. Granted, my friend is an adult, and she can drink when she wants and set her own rules. But there are no magical freebies. The truth is, every little thing counts. When you deceive yourself, your bad habit becomes the boss. But if you acknowledge that you're making an excuse for your behavior, you can face the reality of your actions — and weigh the consequences. For instance, one night I might decide I'm too busy to read to my 8-year-old. No big deal, right? But if I don't read to my daughter that night, and I also skipped it the previous night and the night before that...well, then I shouldn't tell myself I'm reading to my daughter every night!

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Make Sensible Rules
Once I start eating something sweet, I can't stop. So I made a rule: I never eat sweets — except when I eat frozen yogurt with my family. I don't let myself pretend that frozen yogurt doesn't count. I don't say, "It's my birthday" or "I've earned this" or "It's gluten-free." I tell myself, I've decided to skip eating sweets, except in this one situation. That frees me from decision-making: When I'm around sweets, I don't have to think, Should I or shouldn't I? I just don't have any. If you've made a habit — of working out, of always doing a load of laundry during breakfast — it becomes automatic.

Thinking Leads to Acting
I have a habit of writing every day — including on holidays, weekends and vacations. I don't always feel like writing, but when I add up all those extra minutes and hours (again, like adding up coins) and I see the progress I've made (Another chapter done!), it motivates me to keep it up. Here's the key point: How you think has a tremendous influence on how you act. By expanding your thinking from "one coin" and taking the long view (i.e., seeing the riches you will acquire down the line if you keep putting those coins away), you make it easier to achieve your dreams—decision by decision.

Try The Stick-to-It Trick
The next time you start searching for reasons not to do something — e.g., I haven't worked on that for so long that there's no point in doing it now — try these three steps:

1. Take a breath and consciously acknowledge what you're doing (I'm trying to find a way out of this).
2. Assess the validity of your excuse. Does it really hold true? How will you feel if you keep putting off your goal?
3. Give yourself one more chance to reject your excuse. Being mindful of your intentions really can bolster your willpower.

Gretchen Rubin is the author of Happier at Home. Follow her at happiness-project.com.

NEXT: Why You're Really Cheating on Your Diet »

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